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THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
The
Haunted Pajamas
BY
FRANCIS PERRY ELLIOTT
WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY
EDMUND FREDERICK
NEW YORK
GROSSET & DUNLAP
PUBLISHERS
COPYRIGHT 1911
THE BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY
TO
MY WINIFRED
8135480
CONTENTS
CHAPTER PAGB
I A PRESENT FROM CHINA I
II AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY 9
III I DON THE PAJAMAS 20
IV JENKINS DECLARES FOR THE WATER WAGON . 29
V THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE . . 36
VI ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY 50
VII CONFIDENCES 58
VIII HER BROTHER JACK 74
IX AN AMAZING REVELATION 84
X A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 95
XI IRON NERVE 106
XII I SEND A MAN TO JAIL 112
XIII FRANCES 122
XIV "You NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK" . . . 129
XV BILLINGS SYMPTOMS ALARM ME . . . 141
XVI AN INSCRIPTION AND A MYSTERY . . . 149
XVII THE PROFESSOR 155
XVIII I RECEIVE A SHOCK 167
XIX THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS .... 176
XX BILLINGS RAMBLES 184
XXI THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS .... 190
XXII MY DARLING Is SLANDERED .... 200
XXIII A MESSAGE AND A WARNING .... 211
XXIV I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 222
XXV THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 234
CONTENTS Continued
CHAPTER PACK
XXVI FLORA 245
XXVII I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 257
XXVIII "IF I EVER FIND A MAN!" . . . .272
XXIX "BECAUSE You ARE You" .... 283
XXX THE JUDGE FIXES "FoxY GRANDPA" . . 298
XXXI THE DEMON RUM 313
XXXII I TOUCH BOTTOM 324
XXXIII UNDER THE PERGOLA 332
XXXIV THE CUB 342
XXXV IN THK GLOW OF THE RUBIES .... 350
THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
CHAPTER I
A PRESENT FROM CHINA
IT was the first thing I saw that night as I swung
into my chambers. Fact is, for the moment, it
was the only thing I saw. Somehow, its splash of
yellow there under the shaded lamp seemed to catch
my eye and hold it.
I screwed my glass tight and examined the thing
with interest. Nothing remarkable; just a tiny, ob
long package, bearing curious foreign markings, its
wrapper plainly addressed to me, but
"By Jove! From China!" I ejaculated.
Somebody in far-off China sending me a present,
with duties and charges prepaid evidently.
What the deuce was it? I shook it without get
ting any revelation ; then I weighed it in my hand.
The thing was devilish light! In fact, so light
that, allowing for outside wrapper and box, dashed
if I could see how there was anything at all.
Then I had an awful thought: Suppose, by Jove,
i
2 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
they had forgotten to inclose the thing whatever
it was! Jolly tiresome, that, if they had. I felt
devilish annoyed.
Really, awfully provoking to do that sort of
thing, you know; and I was jolly sure now the
dashed thing had been wrapped up empty. I won
dered what silly ass I knew in China who would be
likely to do a thing like that. I couldn t think of any
one at all I knew in China, so I rang for Jenkins.
"Anybody I know in China, Jenkins?" I asked.
And to help him out, I added : "Fact is, some chap s
sent me a package, you know."
"Name on box, sir, perhaps." Said it offhand,
just like that no trouble of thinking, dash it all
never even blinked. Just instinct, by Jove !
And there it was, nicely printed in the corner
with a pen :
ROLAND MASTERMANN, GOVERNMENT HOUSE,
HONG KONG, CHINA
I read it aloud can t read anything, you know,
unless I read it aloud and looked at Jenkins in
quiringly. But he came right up to the scratch ; just
seemed to get it from somewhere right out of the
wall over my head :
"Beg pardon, sir; but think it s that London gen
tleman entertained you at the Carlton when you
were over the other side."
Mastermann ! By Jove, so it was I began to re
member him now, because I remembered his dinner,
A PRESENT FROM CHINA 3
several of them, in fact, during the three years I
had lived over there, acquiring the English accent
manner, you know and all that sort of thing!
Mastermann oh, yes, I had him, now! Jolly
rum old boy, but entertaining and clever long hair,
pink wart on jaw! And, by Jove, I had promised
him promised him what the deuce was it I had
promised him? Let me see: he was something or
other in the foreign office ; yes, I had that and tre
mendously interested in mummies and psychical in
vestigation and rum sort of things like that, and
"By Jove!" I ejaculated, as it came to me. "And
for that reason he wanted them to send him out to
China."
"Beg pardon, sir," put in Jenkins, "but think
you had a letter with a Chinese postmark last week."
He looked around at my little writing-desk and
coughed slightly behind his hand.
"Was just a-wondering, sir, if it might not be
among those you haven t opened there are several
piles. If I might look, sir "
I nodded. Fact is, I allow Jenkins much privi
lege, owing to long service. Then, you know oh,
dash it, he s so original so refreshing and that sort
of thing so surprising. Just as in this case, he
thinks of so many devilishly ingenious, out-of-the-
way sort of things !
It was Jenkins idea that I find out what was in
the box by just opening the dashed thing while he
looked for the letter.
4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
Clever that, eh ? Well, rather !
So I unsheathed my little pocket manicure knife,
cut the strings and removed the wrapper. Inside
was just a little, straw-covered box with a telescope
cover and inside the box, wrapped in. tissue, was a
tight roll of bright red silk.
That was all not another thing but this little silk
roll. It was a wad as thick as three fingers and per
haps twice as long, tied with a bit of common string,
ending in a loose bowknot
I gripped my glass a bit tighter in my eye and
took a long shot at the thing. But dashed if I could
make anything out of it at all. You see, the string
went around it at least three or four times. Such
a devilish secretive way to fix a thing, don t you
think ?
A queer, sweet, spicy sort of odor swept past me;
that reminded me of the atmosphere at Santine s>
and places in the Metropolitan Art Museum. I sat
down, the better to think it over, turning the little
roll in my hand and trying to think of all the thing*
it might be.
"Looks like it might be a red silk muffler, Jen
kins," I exclaimed in disgust. By Jove, I was never
so devilish disappointed in my life never I m
sure of it! If I had been a girl I should have cried
dash it, I know I should.
I pinched the roll gloomily.
"If it s a red silk muffler, Jenkins, catch me wear
ing it, that s all!" I burst out indignantly. "Rotten 1
A PRESENT FROM CHINA 5
"bad form, if you ask me. I d look like an out-and-
out bounder!"
Then I had a horrible thought :
Or or the Salvation Army, dash it !"
Here Jenkins thrust a letter at me. "Perhaps this
may explain it, sir," he suggested.
Sure enough, it was from Hong Kong, and from
that chap, Mastermann. Out there on special mission
for his government, he said. I don t know what it
was never did know, in fact, for I skipped down
to this paragraph, which I read aloud :
"Every puff of those rare cigars you sent me has
but reminded me that my debt to you is still un
paid."
I read thus far ; then I read it again. But I could
make nothing of it.
"Cigars cigars?" I exclaimed, puzzled.
Then I forgot the letter as I stared at Jenkins.
"And what s the matter with you?" I demanded.
For I had caught him with his hand over his
mouth, obviously trying to suppress a chuckle. He
sobered instantly, but seemed embarrassed for a
reply.
"Oh, I say, you know !" I urged him.
He started to speak, then pulled up. His breath
went out in a sort of sigh. And he just stood there
looking at me, and looking kind of scared.
Fact! Perfectly irreproachable service for five
years ; and now here, dash it, showing emotion and
6 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
that sort of thing, just like well, like people, by
Jove! Gad, I don t mind saying I was devilish put
out ! I screwed my glass rather severely and he made
another go :
"I hope, Mr. Lightnut, sir, you ll try to pardon
me, sir, but I Well, indeed, sir, the mistake wasn t
mine; it was the dealer s fault, you know, sir."
"Oh!"
I stared, polished my glass and nodded. I even
chirped up a smile, but I didn t utter a word. Dash
it, what was there to say ? But you mustn t let them
know that, you know. So I just waited, and he
squirmed a little and went on :
"It was too late after he told me about the mis
take ; and I was well, I was afraid to mention it to
you, sir."
"Mistake! What mistake ?"
He gulped; dashed if I didn t think he was going
to choke.
"I I m sure, sir, I wouldn t have had such a thing
happen for
I could stand it no longer.
"Oh, I say! I haven t any idea what you re talk
ing about !"
Jenkins cleared his throat with an effort, his eyes
rolling at me apologetically. When he spoke there
was a tremble in his utterance, and it was rather
husky :
"Why, sir," he began in a low tone, "you told me
to have your dealer ship this gentleman, this Mr.
A PRESENT FROM CHINA 7
Mastermann, a dozen boxes of Paloma perfectos
your favorite brand, you know, sir ninety dollars
the hundred."
He paused, his fingers resting tremblingly on the
edge of the table.
"I dare say," I yawned presently. "Well, what of
it?" I was getting impatient. By Jove, he was mak
ing me downright nervous, don t you know! Be
sides, I was so devilish anxious to get on with Mas-
termann s letter. I wanted to find out, if possible,
what it was the fellow had sent me.
Jenkins breathed hard and leaned toward me.
Then he seemed to flunk again and dropped back.
Dashed if I didn t think I heard him groan! But I
stared at him through my glass, and he swallowed
hard and went on :
"An error, sir, of the shipping clerk. He "
With a murmured apology, Jenkins paused to
vvipe his forehead. I saw that the perspiration had
gathered in great drops. Then he seemed to gather
himself for a resolute effort, his eyes fixing them
selves upon me with the most extraordinary expres
sion kind of half-frightened, half -desperate glare
that sort of thing, don t you know. I began to
feel devilish uncomfortable and edged away.
And he made another plunge : "They sent him
And, dash me if he didn t stick again! It just
looked like he couldn t get past. But I encouraged
him just like you have to do a horse, you know
and this time he got over :
8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"They sent him a dozen boxes of Hickey s Pride/
sir, instead!"
He spoke in a low, choking voice and looked me
full in the eye the kind of look you get when a
chap s boxing with you, you know that sort of
thing.
CHAPTER II
AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY
T WAS puzzled.
" Rickey s Pride ? " I repeated thoughtfully.
"I don t seem to recall that one. Do I smoke it
often?"
Jenkins seemed to gasp.
"You? Certainly not, sir! Never!"
And, by Jove, he turned pale! Anyhow, he
looked devilish queer as he put his hands down on
the table and bent to whisper :
"Mr. Lightnut, sir And the way he dropped
his voice and turned his head to peer around into
the corners was just creepy! That s what, creepy!
This, with the glow from the green lampshade on
his pale face as he leaned across the table oh, it
was something ghastly awful, you know! It got
on my nerves, and I could feel the hair slowly rising
on each side of my part. He bent close, whispering
behind his hand, and I knew he had been eating rad
ishes for dinner:
"It s what s known in the trade, sir, as a two-
fer. "
"A twofer! " I repeated, puzzled.
9
io THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Two for five, sir." Jenkins spoke faintly. "I m
sure I m ashamed to mention to a perfect gen "
"By Jove, / know!" I lifted my ringer suddenly.
"I know now the kind you mean big, fat, greasy-
looking ones the sort Vanderdecker and Colonel
Boylston smoke over at the club." I shook my head.
"Too jolly thick and heavy for me. So they re two
for a V eh? Oh, I see twofers ! By Jove!"
A brand new one, this a ripper! I made up
my mind to spring it on the fellows first chance
that is, if I could remember the jolly thing. I just
looked at Jenkins solemn face and laughed.
"Oh, I say, Jenkins hang the expense, you
know!" I remonstrated in some disgust. For this
London chap had given me no end of a good time,
you know; and it s such devilish bad form rotten,
I say haggling about expense when you want to
make a come-back and do the handsome. I was
jolly glad the mistake had happened.
Just here I remembered the letter and went at it
again, for I was keen to find out, if possible, if it
was a muffler under the string. So I fixed my glass
and read on :
"Realizing what these cigars are, I have given
them, from time to time, to friends of mine and
others. Really, I don t think I ever had such un
selfish, unalloyed pleasure from anything in my
life. Gave one to a bus driver out Earl s Court way
chap who had never been known to speak to man,
woman or child in years, and, after he lighted it
AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY n
well, my word ! He opened up and grew so bally
loquacious I had to get off."
"By Jove!" I exclaimed.
I felt real pleased that kind of fizzy glow sort
of bubbling-champagney- feeling you get, you know,
whenever a friend does some clever, unexpected
thing like repaying a loan, for instance. Know
about that, because I had it happen to me once.
Fact!
"See that, Jenkins?" I said with a little triumph.
I wanted to reassure him, for I could see with half
an eye that the poor fellow was devilish plucked
about the expense. And Jenkins certainly looked
regularly bowled over.
I read on :
"Had been trying to get Jorgins, my chief, to
send me out here again to China, but he was ever
finding some cold, beastly evasion. But when your
package came to the office, the first thing I did after
I had tried the cigars was to hand the old iceberg a
box with my compliments.
"Five minutes after, he came back, completely
thawed out. Fact is, never saw him so warm to
ward any one. Asked me if the other boxes were to
be given away outside. Said no; that his was the
only box I could spare; was going to keep em all
there at the office and smoke em myself. Never
saw a man so moved so worked up over a little
thing. Next day he sent me out here to China."
"Coals of fire!" I ejaculated admiringly. "Reg
ular out-and-out coals of fire, by Jove!"
12 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"And so I have been looking about since I have
been out here, trying to find something as rare,
unique and full of surprises for your friends as your
cigars have been for mine. I have found it."
"And devilish handsome of him, Jenkins, eh?" I
commented gratefully; and I looked with renewed
interest at the little roll in my hand. Jove, how I
wished, though, he would come to the point and say
what it was !
"You know what a curiously upside-down people
the Chinese are. Example, they begin dinner with
desert and end with soup; they drink hot, acid bev
erages in summer instead of iced ones; they write
from right to left, vertically, while we write from
left to right, horizontally; they mourn in white in
stead of black, and they are awfully honest and pay
their debts.
"But there is one other point of difference still
queerer : they wear pajamas all day, while we wear
them only at night."
Here I yawned. Always hate that heavy, histor
ical, instructive stuff, you know. If you have to
hear it, gives you headache, unless you can slip off
to sleep first.
So I reached the letter up to Jenkins.
"Just run over the rest of it yourself, and see if
he says anything about his present," I said, settling
comfortably. Clever idea of mine, don t you think?
And I was just dropping my head to have a snug
little nap just a little forty, you know when,
AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY 13
dash me, if I didn t have another idea! Awfully an
noying, time like that.
Mind is so devilish alert, dash it ! Always doing
things like that ; can t seem to get over it, you know.
And this ripping idea that bobbed up now and got
me all roused up was nothing more or less than to
untie the string myself and see what the thing was.
See?
"I believe, sir," said Jenkins, looking up, "the
gentleman has sent you h m has sent you
"By Jove, a suit of pajamas!" I exclaimed, hold
ing them up.
It was neck and neck, but I beat Jenkins to it,
after all !
"Gentleman says, sir," continued Jenkins, study
ing the letter, "that his present of a pair of pajamas
may seem surprising, but you won t know how sur
prising until you have worn them."
"Jolly likely," I admitted, feeling the silk. By
Jove, it was the finest, yet thinnest stuff I ever saw,
soft as rose leaves and as filmy light as a spider s
web. Not bad, that, for a comparison, eh ? Caught
the idea from a vase of full-blown roses that were
beginning to shed their petals there on the table.
And on one of the blossoms was a little brown
spider. Catch the idea? Suggested spider s web,
you know.
"They re rather red, sir," Jenkins commented du
biously.
Red ? Well, I should say ! My ! How jolly red
I 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
they were! We spread them under the light, and
the red seemed to flow all over the table and fall
from the edge. Why, they were as red as
I tried to think of something they were as red as,
but somehow I couldn t fetch the idea. I thought
of red ink and blood and fireworks, but they didn t
seem to be up to them at all. And a big, velvety
petal that dropped from one of the crimson roses
just seemed brown beside them.
And yet, dash it, I knew they reminded me of
something, you know; I knew they must.
"They remind me" I began, and had to pause
idea balked, you know. "They remind me of
of Jenkins, what do they remind me of ?"
"Of him, sir," replied Jenkins promptly.
"Eh?"
"Old Memphis Tuffles, sir," explained Jenkins
darkly. "I saw him once in a opera, and he was that
red."
"By Jove!" I said thoughtfully, and fell to watch
ing the little spider. It was dropping a life-line or
something down to the pajamas.
"But they say he ain t always red," Jenkins con
tinued mysteriously. "A lady as is in the palmistry
and card-reading line in Forty-second Street told me
he turned black whenever he got down to business.
Do you suppose that s where they get the idea of
what they call black magic, sir?"
I answered absently, for I was wondering whether
the little spider was curious about the jolly red color
there below him. And just then Jenkins hand went
out and swept at the little thread. The spider
dropped and shot into a fold of the pajamas.
"I say ! Look out !" I exclaimed as Jenkins made
another clutch. "Don t mash the beast on the silk;
you ll ruin it the silk, I mean !"
"There it goes, sir !" said Jenkins eagerly. "Over
by your hand."
"No ; by Jove ; he s gone into a leg of the pajamas!
Here, shake him out gently now!"
Jenkins lifted the garment gingerly and lightly
shook it. But nothing came forth.
"Why don t you look in the leg," I said, "and see
if you can see it?"
Jenkins peered down one of the silken tubes and
forthwith dropped it with a yell. He jumped back.
"Look out, sir," he cried excitedly; "don t touch
em ! There s a tarantula in there big as a sand crab,
and it s alive."
"A tarantula ? Nonsense ! We don t have taran
tulas in New York," I protested.
Jenkins gestured violently. "One s there, sir,
anyhow! I saw one once on a bunch of bananas
down in South Street. If they jump on you and
bite, you might as well just walk around to the
undertaker. A dago told me so."
I backed nervously from the crumpled crimson
pile on the floor.
Crimson?
Of course, I knew it was crimson; it must be the
16 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
shadow of the table there that made the things so
dark black, in fact. But my mind was on the
tarantula ; and I was thinking that it must have been
wrapped with the pajamas. Yet I could not under
stand how this could be, considering how tightly
the things had been rolled.
Anyhow, it was there; and Jenkins pointed ex
citedly.
"Look, sir! You can see it moving under the
silk!"
By Jove, so you could! And the thing seemed
nearly as big as a rat. It was making for the enc/
of the leg. I climbed upon a chair.
"Get a club," I exclaimed, "and smash the thin^
as it comes out !"
Jenkins rushed out and returned with a brassie.
"Careful now," I warned from the chair. "Don *
go and hit the dashed thing before it gets out, and
make a devil of a mess on the silk ! There it is itV
out ! No, no not yet ! Wait, until it gets its whok
body out ! There now ; he s drawing out his las^
beastly leg. Now now let drive!"
And he did, and seemed to hit the thing squarely.
I knelt on the chair and craned over, while Jen
kins still held the stick tightly at the point where
the thing had struck.
"Get him?" I queried. "Where is it?"
"That s it, sir," said Jenkins in an odd voice. "Il
ain t here."
AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY 17
"Why, dash it, I saw you strike the beast, right
where you re holding that club."
"Mr. Lightnut, sir" Jenkins spoke a little husk
ily and glanced around at me queerly "will you
look under the end of this stick and see if you see
what I see ?"
I climbed down and examined cautiously.
"Why, by Jove, it s the little spider!" I exclaimed,
surprised.
"Exactly, sir; what s left." Jenkins took a deep
breath.
"Thank you, sir it s a great relief," he sighed.
"Eh?"
"I mean, sir, I m glad I ain t the only one who
thought he saw that other. It s some comfort."
Jenkins spoke gloomily.
"Thought you saw?" I repeated.
But Jenkins only shook his head as he gathered
up the remains of the spider and consigned them to
a cuspidor.
"You mean say, what the devil do you mean?"
I asked sharply.
Jenkins straightened with air respectful but sol
emn.
"Mr. Lightnut, sir," he began gravely, "there s a
party lectures on the street corner every night at
nine on the fearful consequences of the drink habit,
and passes around blank pledges to be signed. I m
going to get one first chance; and if you will accept
i8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
it, sir meaning no offense I would be proud to
get you one, too."
I stared at him aghast.
"Oh, I say, now," I murmured faintly, "you don t
think it was that, do you?"
Jenkins face was eloquent enough.
"I m through, sir," he said sadly. "When it
comes to seeing things like that " He lifted his
eyes. "No more for me, sir; my belief is, it s a
warning yes, sir, that s what, a warning."
I collapsed into a chair.
"By Jove !" I gasped uneasily.
I was awfully put out annoyed, you know. It
was the first time anything of the kind had ever hap
pened to me. If I started in with tarantulas, what
would I be seeing next ?
Jenkins gulped nervously. "Why, sir," he whis
pered, leaning toward me, "these pajamas you see
for yourself how red they are they actually seemed
to lose color when that bug was in em."
"Oh, pshaw!" I said contemptuously. "I saw
that, too." And I explained to him about the
shadow of the table. He nodded.
"But that only makes it worse, sir," he commented
dubiously. "It shows the mental condition, as they
say. You know, we were talking about the black
art remember, sir?"
I did remember; and also I remembered then we
saw the spider. I recalled that spiders and tarantu
las belonged to the same family. Of course Jenkins
AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY 19
suspicions hit the nail it must be that there was
no getting around it but still
"By Jove, Jenkins!" I said, trying to go a feeble
smile. "I never felt so fit for a corking stiff high
ball in my life never!"
I took a screw on my glass and studied him curi
ously.
"And I say, you know better take one your
self!" I added.
CHAPTER III
I DON THE PAJAMAS
BY Jove, Jenkins, they fit like a dream !"
I twisted before the glass and surveyed the
pajamas with much satisfaction. They looked jolly
right from every point. Moreover, with all their
easy looseness, there was not an inch too much.
They had a comfortable, personal feel.
"Lucky thing they weren t made originally for
some whale like Jack Billings eh, Jenkins ?" I com
mented musingly.
Behind his hand Jenkins indulged in what is vul
garly known as a snicker.
"Mr. Billings, sir, he couldn t get one shoulder in
em, much less a h m leg," he chuckled. "They d
be in ribbons, sir!"
I yawned sleepily, and Jenkins instantly sobered to
attention. He held his finger over the light switch
as I punched a pillow and rolled over on the mat
tress.
"All right," I said; "push the jolly thing out."
And with a click darkness fell about me.
"Good night, sir," came Jenkins voice softly.
"Night," I murmured faintly, and I was off.
20
I DON THE PAJAMAS 21
Sometime, hours later, I awoke, and with a
devilish yearning for a smoke. It often takes me
that way in the night.
I climbed out in the blackness and found my way
into the other room. I remembered exactly where I
had dropped my cigarette case when we were fool
ing with the pajamas by the table, and I found it
without difficulty.
In the act of stooping for it, my hand clutched the
edge of the table and I felt a spot yield under the
pressure of my thumb. It was the button control
ling the bell to Jenkins room.
"Lucky thing he sleeps like a jolly porpoise," I
reflected.
I pushed a wicker arm-chair into the moonlight
and breeze by a window, and pulling a flame to a
cigarette, leaned back, feeling jolly comfy. For the
breeze was ripping and delicious, and the delicate
silk of the pajamas flowed in little wavelets all the
way from my heels to my neck.
And, thinking of the pajamas, I tried to fix my
mind on it that I must tell Jenkins to have me write
that chap, Mastermann, and send him another lot
of those devilish good cigars he liked. I tried to
recall what Jenkins had said was the name of the
brand something deuced clever, I remembered that
much.
I was just about dropping off, when I heard some
one hurrying along the private hall leading from the
back. Jenkins himself popped into the room.
22 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Did you ring, sir?" he inquired, and advanced
quickly.
And then, before I could think about it to reply,
he halted suddenly, almost pitching forward. Then,
with a kind of wheezy howl, he sprang to the wall.
Next instant, I was blinking under the dazzling elec
trolier.
"Here, I say! Shut off that light!" I remon
strated, half blinded.
I heard a swift rush across the rugs, and the next
thing I knew I was roughly jerked from out my
chair; strong fingers clutched my throat, and I
found myself glaring into a frightened but resolute
face.
"Jen-Jenkins!" I tried to gasp, but only a gurgle
came.
I was so taken unawares, I knew it must be some
dashed dream. Perhaps another minute, and I
would wake up. But he gripped me tighter and
shook me like a rag.
"Say, who are you?" he hissed. "How did you
get in here?"
And then, of course, I knew that he was crazy.
Whether he was crazy in a dream or crazy with
me awake, I couldn t guess. It made very little dif
ference, anyhow, for I knew that in another minute
I should be either dream dead or real dead ; and dash
rne if I could see any odds worth tossing for in
either, you know.
But I don t belong to the athletic club quite for
I DON THE PAJAMAS 23
nothing, and have managed to pick up a few tricks,
you know. So with the decision to chuck the dream
theory, I shot my leg forward with a mix-up and
twist that made Jenkins loosen his clutch and stag
ger backward.
"What s the matter with you?" I gasped, ad
vancing toward him. "Are you trying to murder
me?" But I was so hoarse, the only word that came
out plainly was "murder."
Jenkins uttered a howl. "Help, Mr. Lightnut!
Murder!"
"You old fool!" I cried, exasperated. "Come
here!"
He was coming. He seized a light chair and
swung it behind his head. Then he rushed me with
i shout.
"Oh, Mr. Lightnut!"
"Gone clear off his nut !" was my thought. As he
jjwung the chair, I ducked low, and man and chair
went crashing to the floor. But he was up again in
a jiffy and dancing at me.
"Mr. Lightnut, sir, why don t you help me?"
"Help you you jolly idiot?" I muttered indig
nantly. Then my voice raised : "I ve a mind to kill
you!"
With a yell, he made a kangaroo jump and swung
at me again.
"He says he s going to kill me, Mr. Lightnut!" he
panted as I dodged again. "Help me wake up,
sir!"
24 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
Wake up? Wake up, indeed, when I had never
been so devilish wide awake in all my life! I was
sure now about that. I moved toward him cau
tiously.
"Stop your row!" I cried angrily; "you ll have
somebody in. Think I want the police up here ?"
With a glare at me, Jenkins darted past me to
the bedroom I had just left. Its light switch clicked,
and then back through the brightened doorway he
sprang and dashed for a wall cabinet at the side. He
began tugging at its little drawer. And suddenly I
remembered the revolver there, an old forty-five
from a friend in Denver and loaded !
My spring to intercept him was quick, but not
quick enough. Half-way to him I pulled up under
the compelling argument of the long blue barrel
pointed at my head.
"Here! Look out, you fool it s loaded!" I
warned, backing away to the window.
Jenkins advanced. "What have you done with
him?" he panted hoarsely. "Where is he?"
"Where s who?" I asked savagely, for I was get
ting devilish tired of it all. But for the publicity, I
should have yelled from the window.
"Where s Mr. Lightnut ?" he demanded.
"Oh, he s all right." I decided to adopt that
soothing tone that I had read somewhere was the
proper caper with lunatics.
"Where?" Jenkins insisted, pushing nearer.
And dashed if I knew what to answer; for, if I
I DON THE PAJAMAS 25
made a mistake, it might be serious, by Jove! Per
haps some jocular reply would be safest might di
vert his attention, you know.
The open window gave me an idea.
"Why, do you know," I said pleasantly, "I just
chucked him down into the street."
It sounded like a cannon cracker, that gun ! The
shower of splintered glass from the picture between
the windows barely missed me. But I never waited
a second for this last devilish straw was too much,
don t you know, and something had to be done. I
leaped for the weapon as it struck the hardwood
floor between us, jerked from Jenkins hand by the
unfamiliar upward kick. Another instant and I was
poking the muzzle into his side.
"I ve just had enough of this, you fool !" I cried
impatiently. "Here, take a good look at me!" I
pushed my face closer. "Look at me, I tell you !"
By Jove, he shuddered ! His eyes, wide distended
with terror, rolled to the ceiling.
"I can t," he whispered ; "I just can t anything
but that! Only, please please don t kill me, too."
"Kill you?" I said, frowning sternly as he gave
a furtive glance. "I certainly will, if you don t take
a good look at me!"
He gave a sort of despairing sigh and closed his
eyes so tightly the lashes disappeared. "All right,
then," he said sullenly ; "you may kill me !"
The way with these lunatics, I thought. Next
thing, he would be begging and insisting that I kill
26 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
him. I motioned to the door of my guest-room and
gave him a push.
"In there," I said, "and keep perfectly quiet."
And as he shot inside, I closed the door and
locked it. I just had to take the chance of his hurt
ing himself against the walls and furniture ; I didn t
believe he was so crazy he would undertake the six-
story leap to the ground. Listening, I heard some
thing like a sob. Then I caught my name.
"Poor Mr. Lightnut," came chokingly; "the kind
est, gentlest master!" And then more sobs and
gulps.
By Jove, under his insane delusion, the poor beg
gar was grieving for me; not thinking of himself at
all, you know. I felt my eyes grow a bit moist,
somehow, and all at once my heart went heavy.
Thought how long poor old Jenkins had been with
me ever since I was out of college, you know five
years and remembered how devilish faithful and
attached he had always been. Poor old Jenks! It
was awful his going off this way ! I recalled how he
had taken to seeing things, earlier in the evening,
and had made me see them, too, dash it ! One thing
I determined : whatever had to be done with him, he
should have the finest of attention.
I knew that I ought to telephone to somebody or
something, but dashed if I had any idea who or
where. Oddly enough, not a soul seemed to have
been roused by the pistol shot, but I saw by the little
clock that it was close to three the hour in a
I DON THE PAJAMAS 27
bachelor apartment house when everybody is asleep,
if they re going to sleep at all.
I decided that the best thing to do first was to get
into some clothes. And with this thought I was
turning away, when it occurred to me to make an
effort to see if poor Jenkins seemed more rational
now or had gone to sleep.
I tapped upon the door. "Are you asleep?" I
asked softly.
A howl of positive terror came back.
"I m a-keeping quiet," he cried, "but don t let me
hear your voice again, or I ll jump right out of the
window."
I shook my head sadly and tiptoed into my room,
where I slipped hurriedly out of the pajamas and
into some clothes ; then back I went to the telephone.
It was on my little writing-desk close to the door
confining Jenkins.
I lifted the receiver with a sigh.
"Hello, central," I began, responding to the oper
ator. "I say, will you give me information ?
A loud shout suddenly sounded from behind the
closed door, and there came a frantic double-pound
ing of fists.
"Mr. Lightnut Mr. Lightnut!" screamed Jen
kins. "Oh, Mr. Lightnut, you re back you re alive
I can hear your voice! This is Jenkins, Mr.
Lightnut; yes, sir, Jenkins. They ve got me locked
in!"
I clapped the receiver on the hook and sprang to
28 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
the door, unlocking it. Jenkins almost tumbled into
my arms. By Jove, for a second I hung in the wind,
he acted so crazy still; at least, it seemed so just at
first. The fellow threw his arm about my neck and
laughed laughed and cried, dash it and just
wringing my hands and carrying on Oh, awful!
And even when I got him into a chair, he just sat
there laughing and crying like a jolly old silly, pat
ting my hand, you know, and wiping his eyes, what
time they were not devouring me.
"Has he gone, sir?" he gasped huskily. "Did he
jump from the window?" But I waved all ques
tions aside.
"After you ve had some sleep," I insisted. "Then
I ll tell you the whole jolly story." And I just got
him to his room myself, despite his distress and pro
tests over my attention.
"Thank you, sir, and good night," he said as I
left him. And he murmured placidly, "I guess
we re all right now."
But I was not so sure as to him, when I viewed
the broken chair and scattered fragments of glass
ominous reminders of the scene through which I had
passed. And so, though I threw the pistol on top of
a bookcase, I spent the rest of the night upon the
soft cushions of my big divan.
CHAPTER IV
JENKINS DECLARES FOR THE WATER WAGON
"T)UT this savage-looking Chinaman that you
-- saw, Jenkins how was he dressed?" I
adopted a careless tone of inquiry.
It was high noon, and I was toying with an after
luncheon, or rather after breakfast, cigar.
Jenkins head shook dubiously. "I just remember
something blackish. My, sir, I didn t have time to
notice nothing like clothes !"
His tone conveyed aggrieved protest. He went
on:
"Just as I m telling you, sir, I saw some one sit
ting there by the window and walked toward him,
thinking it was you. Then, all of a sudden, I see
his awful face a-scowling at me there in the moon
light."
"And he was smoking, you say?"
Jenkins sniffed indignantly. "Free and easy as
a lord, sir ! He held a long stick to his ugly mouth,
and smoke was curling out of a little bowl near the
end."
"Oh, opium pipe, eh?"
"Likely, sir," agreed Jenkins; "but I never saw
one."
20
30 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
By Jove, I had my own opinion about that! I
knew he must have seen one before; but I just went
on questioning, to gain time, you know, and wonder
ing all the while how I should ever be able to break
the truth to the poor fellow.
"Tell me again what he was like," I said. "How
did you know he was a Chinaman ?"
"Why, by his long black pigtail, sir, and his onery
color. But I never saw no Chinaman as ugly as
this one no sir. Oh, he was just too awful horrid
to look at, sir. His forehead sloped away back, or
maybe the front part of his head being all shaved
made it look that way. And the skin about his eyes
was painted white with red streaks shooting around
like rays of light."
"No beard or mustache, I suppose?" I suggested,
feeling my own smooth-shaven face. Jenkins reply
was a surprise:
"Yes, sir ; there were long black kind of rat tails
that dropped down from the sides of his mouth.
And then his neck ugh all thick with woolly
hair."
"Oh. it was, eh?" I said drily, thinking of the
long red stripe that my collar concealed. "I suppose
you felt this, eh, when you jumped at his throat?"
Jenkins rubbed his chin with a puzzled air.
"Why, that s uncommon queer, sir; but now that
you remind me, I do remember that his neck felt
perfectly smooth and it wasn t so big, either. Why,
I should say it felt just about like yours would, sir."
THE WATER WAGON 31
I eyed him ruefully.
"By Jove, I don t doubt it a minute!" I com
mented with some disgust. "See here, Jenkins, I
suppose you ve been to the Chinese theater down in
Doyers Street, eh?"
For I had been down there with slumming parties,
and I remembered the hideous sorcerers, fierce war
riors and kings the Chinks represent in their inter
minable plays. And the facial make-up described by
Jenkins tallied in a way with some I recalled from
these ancient, semi-mythical plays.
But at my question, Jenkins lip curled a little;
dash me, but he looked almost insulted.
"I should say not, sir," he said with a sniff; "you
don t catch me going down in them parts!" He
added quickly: "Meaning no offense, sir."
"Sure?" I questioned sharply.
"Never, sir!" Jenkins earnestness was unmistak
able. But of course I knew the poor fellow had for
gotten all about it.
"One of the jolly rum things that goes along with
his affliction," I reflected sadly. "A month from
now the poor beggar will be swearing he never saw
me in his life." And how the devil was I going to
break the truth to him? I sighed perplexedly.
"Well, go on with your yarn," I said irresolutely.
"You were telling, when I interrupted, about rush
ing into my bedroom."
"Yes, sir," he resumed with animation. "And
when I didn t find you, I was just frantic, for I
32 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
didn t know you had gone out, sir never thought
of that ; I went for the ugly monster with the big
pistol there in the cabinet which, by the way, sir,
the low down villain stole when he locked me up and
lit out."
I had an inspiration.
"I see," I broke in carelessly; "and then you de
manded to know where I was that it? Then you
backed him to that window, and he told you he had
chucked me into the street whereupon you tried,
to blow off his head and knocked the jolly daylights
out of the lady with the fencing foil."
Jenkins, his mouth agape, viewed me with dis
tended eyes.
"I didn t tell you that, sir," he faltered. "How "
"And when you dropped the weapon," I went on,
"this chap collared it, jabbed the beastly thing into
you, and told you to look at him. And by Jove you
wouldn t !"
Jenkins groaned slightly. The apologetic cough
with which he strove to mantle the sound was drj
and spiritless.
"No, sir; it seemed easier to die, sir," he mur
mured "what with him grinning like a fiend and
his long teeth a-sticking out over his lip ugh!"
Then he added wonderingly : "But what gets me is
how you should know, sir."
I looked at him gravely.
"Jenkins," I said gently 2 "I know, because it so
happens I was here all the time."
THE WATER WAGON 33
His eyes bulged incredulously.
"You, sir? You mean in this room?"
I nodded slowly. "I mean right in this room I
was a witness of the whole thing."
Jenkins just gulped. I motioned to a chair.
"You may sit down, Jenkins, my poor fellow," I
said compassionately. I poured out some whisky
and gave it to him.
"Yes, yes; I want you to drink that," I insisted
as he took it hesitatingly. "You will need it. Drink
every drop of it."
And I watched him do it. For somehow the poor
devil seemed to be growing paler every minute, and
I was afraid the shock of what I was going to say
would send him into a swoon.
Jenkins replaced the empty glass with a positively
trembling hand. By Jove, his face turned a kind
of asparagus yellow.
It alarmed me a little, for I felt apprehensive that
perhaps it was time for him to have another spell,
you know. Of course, I knew that the devilishly
adroit, tactful way I was breaking it to him wouldn t
disturb the peace of a baby. Some people would
have gone about the thing in some deuced abrupt
way, don t you know, and alarmed him. I didn t
want to do that in fact, I took pains to tell him so
at the start.
"I don t want to frighten you, my poor fellow,"
I said, leaning toward him and speaking in a low,
earnest voice just that way, you know no excite-
34 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
ment. "You mustn t let anything I say frighten you
badly about yourself."
"No, sir. Thank you, sir." But I could hardly
hear him.
I waited a moment, eying him steadily just do
ing it all in that calm way, you know and then :
"You must brace yourself for a great shock, my
poor Jenkins," I said soothingly. And then I
thought I had best hurry on, for I could tell by the
way his eyes rolled and the blue color of his lips that
probably I was just in time to head off another at
tack. And then I told him all.
"And here," I concluded, "are the marks of your
ringers under my collar, and the pistol is on top of
the bookcase."
Jenkins just sat there, kind of huddled up, you
know, and his face as white as the what-you-call-it
snow. Didn t seem able to say a word. By Jove,
it was too much for me; my heart just went out to
him.
"It s all right, Jenkins," I said kindly, and I patted
his knee. "Doesn t make a jolly bit of difference to
me, personally. Just told you because I thought you
ought to know. You just go right along and con
tinue your duties, so far as I am concerned."
Jenkins hand slipped along his knee and ventured
to touch mine timidly. He rose heavily.
"Mr. Lightnut, sir," he said huskily, "if you re
not going to need me very much, could I be excused
for a while to-night?"
THE .WATER WAGON 35
"By Jove, yes, Jenkins! Go out and enjoy the
evening; it will do you good. Stay as long as you
like, dash it ! You know I dine to-night at the club.
Go to a roof garden and get some fresh air."
A toss of the head broke Jenkins calm; his fist
struck his palm.
"It ain t that, sir," he exclaimed. "I don t want
no fresh air, but I do want fresh resolution and a
fresh start. I m going to find him."
"Him !" I was startled. Dash me, I half thought
he meant the Chinaman.
"Him, sir; that temperance lecturer, I mean. I m
going to get out a paper against that old enemy
there!" And he shook his fist at the whisky de
canter.
CHAPTER V
THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE
"JONG distance call from Mr. Billings, sir," said
A Jenkins, lifting the receiver.
By Jove, he had just caught me as I was about to
leave.
"Hello! That you, Lightnut?" came his voice.
"Say, old chap, you remember you said you
wouldn t mind putting up the kid overnight on the
way home from college. Remember? Wants to
rest over and come up the river on the day line."
Yes, I remembered, and said so.
"All right, then; it s to-night. Be there about
nine from Boston. Don t go to any trouble, now.
nor alter any plans. The kid will probably be dead
tired and off to bed before you get home from your
dinner."
"That s all right, old chap; Jenkins will look after
the young one."
I heard Billings chuckle I remembered that
chuckle afterward.
"Not much of the young one there. Eighteen, you
know. Never off to school, though, until last year
and by George, it was time ! Between my mother and
36
THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 37
/my sister the kid was being absolutely ruined pet
ted, mollycoddled, and was getting soft and silly
oh, something to make you sick. Well, so much
obliged, Dicky. You know what these hotels are.
Good-by."
I explained to Jenkins. "All right, sir," he said.
"I won t go out until after nine. It ll be time
enough."
And so I went off. I returned early, about ten,
;nnd sat reading. Jenkins was still away, and the
door of my guest room was open.
"Good evening!"
The voice behind me was soft, musical, delicious.
I whirled about, and there, within the door, lean
ing against the frame, was the most beautiful crea
ture I ever saw in all my life.
A girl ! But oh, by Jove, such a girl ! A lovely,
rosy blonde, dash it! Golden-haired angel long,
droopy kind of lashes, don t you know eyes like
dreamy sapphire seas oh, that sort of thing a
peach!
The leap that brought me to my feet sent my chair
thudding backward.
"Why er good evening," I managed to stam
mer. Just managed, you know, for, give you my
word, I never was so bowled over in my life never!
And on the instant I guessed what it meant. The
"kid" that Billings referred to wasn t a kid brother
at all, but was a kid sister girl, by Jove !
"Are you busy?" I saw the flash of her perfect
38 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
little teeth as her lips parted in a smile. "If not,
may I talk to you a while?"
I mumbled something designed to be pleasant
dash me if I know what and managed to summon
sense enough to lift toward her a wicker arm-chair.
Then I dashed into my bedroom to chuck the smok
ing- jacket and get into a coat. And all the while I
was thinking harder than I ever had thought it pos
sible.
Just the thing to have expected of an ass like
Billings a fellow with no sense of the proprieties!
His kind of mind had never got any further than the
fact that I had a guest-room and a quiet apartment.
The further fact that it was in a bachelor apartment
house and I a bachelor and not yet out of my
twenties, dash it would never have presented itself
to a chump like Billings as having any bearing on
the matter.
"Of course, I must get right over to the club and
leave her in possession it s the only thing left to
do." This was my thought as I slipped into my coat
and gave my hair a touch just a touch, don t you
know. The thing to do was to carry it off as nat
urally as possible for a few minutes, and then slip
away. Probably she hadn t counted upon my being
in town at all had taken it for granted it was some
sort of family apartment with housekeeper, servant
maids, all that sort of thing.
"Never mind," I thought, as I kicked off my half-
shoes and jerked on the first things at hand. "Thing
THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 39
to do now is to keep that child s mind from being
distressed. She ll have a good sleep and get off
early in the morning on the Albany boat. Don t
-suppose she d understand, anyhow sweet, innocent,
unsophisticated thing like that. What a fool Bil
lings is!"
And I jammed in savagely the turquoise matrix
pin with which I was replacing the pearl, because
^t went better with my tie.
"Now, just a few minutes of conversation to put
her at her ease," I reflected, "and then I m off. I ll
get the janitor s wife to come up and stay near her."
And I dashed back, murmuring some jolly rub
bish of apology. And then I just brought up speech
less almost fell over backward. For as she stood
l:here under the light, I saw that what I had taken
for a dress of black silk was not a dress at all, but
a suit of pajamas black, filmy pajamas, whose
Loose, elegance concealed but could not wholly deny
/:he goddess-like figure within.
"I d have known you anywhere, Mr. Lightnut."
.And then I found that we were shaking hands, rny
fingers crushed in a grasp I never could have thought
possible from that tiny hand. "From hearing Jack
talk, your name is a sort of household word in the
Billings family."
I mumbled something jolly idiotic some ac
knowledgment. But I was pink about the ears,
and I knew it, while she was cool and serene as a lily
of the what-you-call-it, don t vou know. I was trv-
40 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
ing not to see the pajamas, trying to pretend not to
notice them, but dashed if I didn t only make it
worse !
For she looked down at herself with a laugh
rather an embarrassed laugh, I thought; and her
little shrug and glance directed attention to her
attire.
"I see you re looking at the pajamas," she said
smiling.
And her eyes looked at me through those droop
ing lashes oh, such a way !
"Oh, no I assure certainly not," I stammered
hastily. Dash it, I never was so rebuked and morti
fied in all my life. What an ass I had been to seem
to notice at all !
She looked troubled. "Say, do you mind my
wearing them?" she inquired.
"I? Certainly not well, I should say not!" I
retorted, almost with indignation.
"Sure?" By Jove, what ripping eyes she had!
"Of course not!" emphatically.
Her sunny head nodded satisfaction. ."That s all
right, then. I was afraid you wouldn t like it
afraid you would think I was acting a little free.
But your man Jenkins isn t that his name? said
he thought you would like for me to wear them."
I gasped.
"Jen what s that?" I was amazed, indignant at
Jenkins effrontery. "He he suggested that you
wear er these ?"
THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 41
She nodded, her glorious eyes shining wistfully.
"You see, I went to a frat dance last night in
Cambridge," she explained; "and in the hurry this
morning, somehow, one of my bags a suit-case
was left behind. And when I got here to-night and
began piling the things out of my other bag well,
I saw I was up a tree. Not a thing to slip into, you
know not so much as a dressing-gown or even a
bathrobe. Then your man saved my life sug
gested these pajamas. See?"
"Oh, I see!"
I said so; but, dash it, I wasn t sure I did, for I
knew so devilish little about girls. But I got hold of
this much : I understood that this delicately reared
creature had missed the restfulness and luxury of
a shift to some sort of dressing-robe after her day
of travel. Probably one of those ribbony, pinky-
white fripperies one sees in the windows of the
Avenue shops, rosy, foamy dreams like the well,
like the crest of a soda cocktail, don t you know.
And the pajamas had been adopted as a comfortable
makeshift.
By Jove ! And here she was sitting, calmly telling
me all about it just as she might to Jack never
thinking a thing about it ! My, how charming, how
innocent she was ! But, dash it, that was the reason
she was so beautiful of course, that was it and
I had never seen anybody like her in all the world
before. I knew jolly well I never should again,
either. But I knew I ought to go and at once.
42 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"I must cut along now," I thought; "infernal
shame to be taking advantage of her this way!"
And then I thought I would just wait a wee minute
longer.
Just then she turned toward me, her elbow on
the arm of the wicker chair, her dainty, manicured
finger-tips supporting her chin.
"You know, Mr. Lightnut, I wasn t sure you
would remember me at all," she said. "I was such a
kid when you saw me last."
"Oh, yes," I said, trying to recall the rather
hoydenish children I had seen on the motor trip to
Billings home five years before. "I remember yor,
were quite a little girl weren t you?"
I thought her face darkened a little; then het
smile flashed through, like sunshine through a cloud
Her laugh came on top, like the mellow ripple of a
tiny brook that sort of thing oh, you know!
"Oh, I say now, Mr. Lightnut, cut out the josh,"
she remonstrated; and I thought she grew a little
red. "No more for mine those sissy, girlie ways
I ve got well over all of that !"
She tossed one knee over the other and threw her
self back in the chair. She seemed a little piqued,
She went on :
"I just tell you what there s nothing like a
couple of years off at college for toughening you!
Gets all those mamma s baby ways out of you, you
bet your life, and all the slushiness you get from
trying to be like your sisters. Shucks !"
THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 43
I caught my breath. Of course, she had no idea
how it sounded this sort of talk; it was just her
innocent frankness, her what d ye call it? her in
genuousness dash it !
She continued musingly: "Gee, but I was soft
when I first went away a regular pie- faced angel-
child!" Her voice had in it a sneer. Then she
straightened up, whirled her chair facing me, and
gave me a sounding slap on the knee. "Say, maybe
the fellows I met didn t educate that out of me
mighty quick! Well, I reckon yes!" And she
nodded, eying me sidewise, her pretty chin in the
.air.
But, dash me, I was so aghast I couldn t get out
,a word. Just sat there batting at her and turning
hot and cold by turns. Came devilish near losing
consciousness, by Jove, that s what !
Of course, I knew she didn t know what she was
talking about. Hadn t any sisters myself, don t you
know, and never had learned much about other
fellows sisters; but, dash it, I knew something
about faces, and I would have staked my life on
hers. You can nearly always tell, you know. But,
anyhow, I thought I had better go now.
I got up. "I say, you want to just make yourself
at home," I said. "And if you don t mind, I ll see
you at the boat in the morning."
She stood up, too, looking rather surprised.
"You re not going away?"
"Oh, no; not out of town." I thought that was
44 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
what she meant. I added : "And as I go out, I ll
stop down-stairs and have some one come up and
stay with you."
She dropped to the arm of the chair, her pretty
face showing dismay.
"Oh, but see here! I m running you off I know
I am. Say, Mr. Lightnut, I don t want to do that.
I thought sure you were going to be here. Brother
insisted you would be."
Brother! Nice brother, indeed, for her poor
little thing!
"Oh, you ll be all right," I said reassuringly. "I m
just going over to the club, don t you know not far
away."
She came right up to me and placed a hand on
each shoulder.
"Honest Injun, now," she said and her smile
was ravishing. "Honest, now, Mr. Lightnut, you re
going just because I m here. Say now, own up!"
And, dash it, there was nothing to do but admit it.
"All right," she said; and I thought her eyes
flashed a little. "Then I go to a hotel that s all !"
"A hotel! Why, you can t do that oh, I say!"
"Why can t I?" She was downright angry I
could see it; and how distractingly lovely she was
with that flame in her cheeks !
But she. was just a child an innocent little child ;
and how the deuce could I ever make her under
stand ?
I stammered : "Why er not in New York, you
THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 45
know. They won t take a lady in at this time of
night. They "
She snapped her fingers. "Oh, I say, Mr. Light-
nut, play easier on that girlie and lady pedal ; cook
up a fresh gag! I tell you, I ve put all that behind
me. Say, wait till you ve known me a little, and I ll
bet a purse you never call me a lady again ! Lady !
Say, that s funny!"
And it certainly seemed to strike her sense of
humor. She gave me a sudden punch in the side
that fairly left me breathless, and her laughter rang
out birdlike, joyous. Of a sudden I felt devilish
awkward and foolish.
"Oh, please stop stringing me, Mr. Lightnut
don t treat me like a kid. I want to get acquainted."
Then her bright face sobered. "Say, was that on the
level that about your going to leave me ? See here,
I m not bothering you, am I, Mr. Lightnut?"
"Bothering me!" I ejaculated. "Bothering me?
I should say not !"
I think I must have said it heartily and convin
cingly, don t you know, for her lovely face looked
pleased.
"Because if I am," she said earnestly, "I ll fade
away into my own little room there." Her glance
ranged toward her door. "It s sure some swell, that
room."
"So jolly glad you like it," I said.
"Well, I should say!" Then her beautiful eyes
looked at me full.
46 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"You know, I didn t expect this I mean having
a room all to myself. Never."
And then, while I gasped, she went on, sweetly
and calmly :
"Why, Mr. Lightnut, Brother Jack would throw
seventeen thousand fits if I went to a hotel, be
cause She laughed deliciously. "Well, I prom
ised him that if he would let me come home by New
York I would stay right here with you and behave
myself."
"Behave yourself!" I echoed indignantly. "Why,
look here, do you mean to say Jack Billings your
own brother, you know thought you wouldn t ei
do that at a hotel?"
"Thought?" Her laugh this time was explosive
"No, he never thought it ; he knew I wouldn t ! Hi
knew I would be tearing around all night with the
boys that s what !"
And dash me, if she didn t throw herself back
with a kind of swagger, by Jove !
"Why, you you wouldn t do such a thing!" 1
uttered faintly.
, "Wouldn t I?" She straightened suddenly, and
her lovely blue eyes narrowed at me. "Say, Mr,
Lightnut, I don t want you to get me sized up-
wrong. I m none of your little waxy gardenias
not much ! When I m in New York, it s the bright
lights and the Great White Way for mine yes, sir,
every time!"
And she gave me a blow on the shoulder that wa.<
THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 47
like a stroke from a man s arm. It sent me down
into my chair.
"If you don t believe me," she added, her face
shining with excitement, "just you ask Jack about
last summer when I came through about that joy
ride to Coney with three Columbia fellows, and how
we got pinched. Oh, mamma, but didn t Jack swear
at me!"
I heard a noise by the door. Jenkins stood there,
his eyes sticking out like hard boiled eggs.
"I I m back, sir," he said rather falteringly.
"Beg pardon, sir; just thought you d want to know.
I didn t know you h m !" And with an odd look
and a little cough Jenkins slipped away. But I
scarcely noticed him at all.
Poor misguided girl !
My brain was buzzing like a devilish hive of bees,
don t you know. By Jove, this was something
awful!
And yet and yet Her frank, sweet face met
mine with a clear light that there was no mistaking.
There was no going behind it she was a thorough
bred, a queen a lady, dash it! I knew it! And I
just settled on that, and was ready to die right then
and there if anybody dared to dispute it. I didn t
care a jolly hang how she talked ; it was just
nothing just the demoralizing swagger of a little
boarding-school girl trying to show off like her
brothers. And her language? Why, just the devil
ish, natural result of having a coarse, slangy brute
48 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
like Billings for a brother. Poor little girl! It was
a beastly shame.
She was watching me curiously, smilingly, as she
sat there, her devilishly pretty mouth puckered into
a cherry as she softly whistled and drummed her
shining nails upon the chair arm.
"I m afraid I ve shocked you," she said. "Jack
says you re so good."
Dash it, somehow I felt humiliated! She said it
in a way that made me feel like a silly ass, you
know.
But she wasn t thinking about me any more. Her
eye fell on the tabouret, and her little hand stretched
toward it.
"May I ?" she said with an arch inquiring glance.
"Your cigarettes look good to me. I emptied my
case an hour ago."
And I proffered them with a show of alacrity.
"Pray, pardon me," I said. "I I never thought oi 4
you smoking." A chuckle came through the tiny
teeth grasping the cigarette. "Thought I was too
goody-goody, eh?"
I stammered something dashed if I know what
and blinked a little gloomily as she drew a brisk
fire from the flame I tendered.
Odd thing, by Jove; here I had been going to
dinners, world without end, where fellows wives
and girls and sisters smoked cigarettes, and I never
had thought a thing about it. But now, somehow,
I didn t like it for her. Sort of thing well enough
THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 49
for other chaps girls and sisters, you know, but >
well, this was different, by Jove! Devilish queer
thing, that, what a lot of things seem the caper for
them that we don t like for "our own," eh?
And yet oh, I say, she certainly did look fetch
ing about it downright bewitching, you know! I
think maybe it was because she didn t fumble the
thing as if she was afraid of it as if it was just a
red hot coal and going to burn her. Most of them
do, you know. No, this girl really seemed to enjoy
it. Inhaled the whole thing at three draws and
reached for another.
"Do er you smoke much?" I ventured anx
iously. "Cigarettes, you know?"
She pulled a sparkling half-inch as she shook her
little head. I felt awfully relieved. "Not for me,"
she remarked carelessly. "I prefer a pipe."
"Pipe!" I repeated feebly.
The golden head inclined. "Bet you! Good old,
well-seasoned brier for mine well-caked and a
little strong." Puff-puff. "Oh, damn your patent
sanitary pipes, I say!"
And as backward I collapsed upon the cushions,
"he threw her leg over the arm of her chair and shot
two long cones of smoke from her dainty nostrils.
CHAPTER VI
ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY
A MOMENT later I had another shock.
** "I don t blame you for looking at me so hard/
she said, rubbing her chin and looking, I thought,
a little confused. "For did you ever see a face like
mine?"
"I I never did!" I said stammeringly, for, by
Jove, the question was so unexpected ; but I knew I
said it earnestly and with conviction in every word.
She nodded. "Never got a chance to shave, you
know caught the train by such a margin and my
kit s in that other bag. Guess I ll have to impose on
you in the morning for one of your razors."
I stared at her in horror.
"Shave? You don t shave?" I protested blankly.
"Myself, you mean? Have to; I haven t got a
man to do it for me." She seemed to sigh. "Not old
enough yet to have a man, Jack says."
And just here her attention seemed to center on
my cellarette over in the corner.
"Gee, but it s warm to-night, isn t it?" she re
marked absently.
And there was nothing to do but take the hint or
leave it ; and after all, she was a guest, you know !
50
ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY 51
"Perhaps you will permit me to offer you some
refreshment," I suggested, rising. I knew it sounded
devilish stiff; and I knew, moreover, that I looked
like a jolly muff, in fact.
"Perhaps I will," she chuckled. "Say, don t urge
me too hard, Mr. Lightnut; you might embarrass
me."
I did not want to embarrass her. "I thought per
haps a lemon soda would refresh you," I explained.
"Or, if you will allow me, I will have Jenkins make
you one of his famous seltzer lemonades. Perhaps,
though, you would prefer just a plain
I halted in confusion, for she was laughing
at me.
"A plain cup of tea," she gurgled, "or a crcme
de menthe!" And then her laughter burst deliciously.
"Say, do you know, honestly, I m only just getting
on to that dry humor of yours. You ve had me
fooled. You do it with such a serious face, you
know. Say, it s great!"
I tried to smile, but I knew it was a devilish sickly
go the more so, because just at that moment her
slender fingers discarded the remnant of her last
cigarette and reached for a cigar. Another instant,
and she had deftly clipped and lighted it.
I decided I wouldn t ring for Jenkins.
I felt ashamed as I looked in the cellarette, and
wondered what the deuce I should offer her.
Couldn t think of anything I had ever heard of
boarding-school girls going in for except ice-cream
52 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
soda ; and, dash it, I didn t have any ice-cream soda.
Nearest thing would be a little seltzer and ginger
ale. That would do.
"Oh, I say, I m going to make you a highball," I
said, trying to assume a frisky, jocular air.
Her voice lifted in alarm. "Nay, nay, Clarence
not for me!" she urged hastily.
"But it s only"
"No fizzy adulterations in mine not on your
life." She followed me across the room. "Just give
me the straight, pure goods anything, just so it s
whisky."
And before I could say a word if, indeed, I
could have said a word she had selected a decanter
of Scotch, and with cigar tilted upward in her tender
mouth, was absorbingly pouring a shining stream
of the amber fluid.
To see the slow curving of that delicately molded
wrist, the challenging flash of the saucy eyes of blue.,
by Jove, it made me just forget all about what she-
was doing till the fluid ran over the brim. And*
then, before I could intercept her, she had lightly
gestured her glass to mine, and in a flash the stuff
was gone.
Gone ! A full whisky glass ; and I recalled with a.
shiver of horror that it was very high proof liquor
something I seldom touched myself, but kept on
hand for certain of my friends.
"I say, you know!" I gasped in consternation.
ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY 53
"I m awfully afraid that will er will I gulped
wordlessly.
The coral lips curved scornfully.
"Get me jingled?" She looked as she might have
if I had insulted her. "Maybe so in those girlie-
girlie days you were trying to josh me about, but not
since these two years I ve been at college." She
shook her lovely, bright head, and following a long
enjoyable pull at the cigar, projected five perfect
rings at a frescoed cherub in the ceiling. The ex
quisite eyes softened dreamily as under the spell of
some pleasing thought some tender reminiscence.
"Why, do you know," she said, looking at me
earnestly, "when I was home for the holidays
Then she paused. "Don t tell Brother Jack I told
you this will you, Mr. Lightnut ? He s so sensitive
about it."
"Certainly not," I said feelingly.
I thought the wistful face brightened.
"Well, when I was home, then, I put Brother
Jack under the table two nights running; and you
know that s going some!"
And smiling proudly, she poured out another!
But not any more, for I put away the decanter.
My brain was reeling, as they say in books ; dash
it, I was almost sick. Poor, poor little girl! And
nobody to remonstrate with her. What a shame
what a shame!
By Jove, I wondered if she would listen to me!
54 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
I fixed my glass resolutely as we resumed our seats,
and bent toward her earnestly.
"May I say something very seriously, Miss Bill
ings?" I began nervously. "Without offense, you
know "
But she was off in a fit of chuckling. Most girls
giggled, I had always heard, but she chuckled.
Somehow, I liked it less than anything she did ; it
sounded so devilish ghastly, you know. And then
it was so awfully embarrassing oh, awfully. If
you ve never tried to remonstrate with a girl about
her vicious habits and had her chuckle, you just
can t imagine! I felt my cheeks flushing jolly red
and looked down, and then I had to look somewhere
else quickly, for I seemed to be staring rudely at
the ends of the pajamas, where her feet, as the poet
chap says, "like little mice, stole in and out " only,
in this case, they were thrust into bedroom slippers,
that looked oddly like a pair of my own but miles
and miles smaller.
"Say, do you know," she was chortling, "the way
you do get off that Willie boy sort of talk oh!"
And she placed her hand to her side as she laughed.
"I can see how Jack thinks you re the greatest ever,
Mr. Lightnut."
She leaned forward eagerly.
"Look here, I do wi-sh you would let me call you
Dicky. "
"Oh, I say will you?" exnloded from my mouth.
ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY 55
"Will I?" Her look made my blood leap. "You
just watch me Dicky! Oh, say, this is great;
maybe it won t take a fall out of old Jack always
bragging that you allow only two or three to call
you that."
"I hope you will always call me Dicky," I said
and said it very softly. By Jove, I could hardly
keep from taking her hand !
"You bet I think it s awfully good of you, Light-
nut I mean, Dicky." Then her face grew pensive.
"Say, do you know, I need a friend like you just
now, I mean oh, worst kind."
"Do you?" I said eagerly, and hitched nearer.
She proceeded:
"Haven t you had things sometimes you wanted
to talk about to somebody well, things you couldn t
just tell to your brother or sisters oh, nor even your
room-mate? You understand."
I wasn t sure that I did, for she was blushing
furiously, and in her eyes was an appeal.
By Jove, some jolly love affair, I guessed sud
denly. My heart just sank like a lump of what s-its-
name, but my whole soul went out in sympathy for^
her. I made up my mind, then and there, to put my
self aside.
"Devilish glad I mean delighted to have you
tell me anything," I murmured rather weakly; "tut
er I should think your mother
"The mater tell her!" Her hand lifted. "She d
56 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
guy the life out of me! Besides, she s in Europe."
She paced to the window and back.
I protested indignantly : "I don t see how any
mother "
"Aw, forget it!" she broke in, and I winced again
at slang from those sweet lips. "No, sir; I m going
to unload the whole thing on you, or nobody."
And, by Jove, the next thing I knew she had
perched on the broad arm of the Morris chair in
which I sat, her arm resting lightly above my shoul
ders.
"Here s what I want to know about," I heard her
sigh. "When you re engaged to one person and meet
another you like better, how are you going to
well, chuck it with the first, you know and still do
the square thing? There, that s what s hit me,
Dicky; and I m up against it for fair!" Her hand
gently patted my shoulder. "I m telling you, old
chap, because I know you ll understand because I
like you better than any man I ever saw that s
right!"
I was just afraid to move! Afraid she d stop;
afraid she d go on. And all the while I was feeling
happier than I ever had in all my life happier than
I ever knew people could be, you know. I never
thought her bold dash it, no knew it was just
her adorable, delicious, Arcadian simplicity, by
Jove ! That explained it, just as it explained to me
all her other unconventionality.
ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY 57
"So now it s up to you," she said, "and I want to
know what s the answer."
The answer!
And how could I give her any answer? No, by
Jove, I knew jolly well I couldn t take advantage of
such circumstances of her artless confession; knew
devilish well it wouldn t do, you know. Might re
proach me in years to come; and then and then,
there was Billings !
So I just contented myself with looking up smil
ingly, but it was hard awfully, awfully hard, dash
it and I just felt like a jolly cad or fool. Couldn t
tell which.
CHAPTER VII
CONFIDENCES
THIS beautiful creature had proposed to me!
By Jove, that s what it amounted to practi
cally; and now, as she said, it was up to me. Yet I
couldn t say a word !
"Well, what must I do about the other one?" she
insisted.
The question reminded me of the entanglement
to which her frank simplicity had confessed. And
she expected me, of all others, to tell her what to do !
I looked up into the radiant, crimsoned face as she
bent forward slightly, her lips parted, her eyes eager
expectant. She was hanging upon my reply.
I coughed slightly. "That question is hardly fair,
you know," I said meaningly. "You see, it hits me
rather personally."
"Oh!" she said.
I nodded and tried to find her hand as I looked
down.
"So that s where the shoe pinches!" And she
whistled thoughtfully.
And just then my upward reaching hand found
hers. And yet no, it couldn t be her hand, either ; it
58
CONFIDENCES 59
felt like the crash cover of the cushion rough and
fibrous. And yet, by Jove, it zuas a hand, for it gave
mine a grip that almost broke my fingers and then
dropped them. By the time I looked up, I saw only
her little palm resting upward on her knee.
It was funny; but I had other things to think
about than puzzles.
She sighed. "Well, I m the one that can feel for
you, Dicky." Here the sigh lifted and her laugh
pealed like a chime of silver bells. "I guess Brother
Jack doesn t know as much about your affairs as he
thinks, does he eh? Why, he told me you were
more afraid of a girl than of a mad dog."
And a slapping grip fell on my shoulder that made
me tingle from head to toe. And yet I wished she
wouldn t do that; if she did it again, I should just
lose my head I knew I should.
But here she rose, stretched her arms, and dropped
into the wicker arm-chair. She hitched it nearer
to me.
"You see, it s like this," she began, assuming a
confidential air. "You know my sister s up at school
at Cambridge, too."
"At Radcliffe College yes." I nodded.
"Why, yes. Well, it s her room-mate !"
"Eh ? I don t believe I I paused perplexedly.
"That s right her room-mate, I tell you ! And in
a day or two she s coming home with Sis for a visit.
I want you to come up for a week end won t you
and look her over I mean, see her and tell me what
6o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
you think of her. You ll go crazy about her oh, I
know you will !"
I entered a protest. "Oh, I say now, you know,
there s only one girl I ever saw I would care to look
at twice."
She smiled adorably. "Oh, don t I know all about
how you feel ? But I just want you to see this girl
she s the prettiest and swellest that s been around
Boston for many a day; and on Sunday morning
she could give the flag to all the Avenue. Why,
Dicky, she s from China!"
"China!" I must have looked the scorn I felt.
"Oh, come now, you don t think a Chinese girl is
"Not Chinese, Dicky." In her eagerness, she
moved so near, the silk of her pajamas brushed my
hand. "She s English. Her dad s the British Gov
ernor General of Hong Kong Colonel Francis
Kirkland, you know beefy-looking old chap with
white mutton chops I saw his picture."
Hong Kong! I wondered if she knew Master-
mann, the chap who had sent me the red pajamas.
Why, dash it, of course she would ; for this fellow
Mastermann was out there on government business,
and he and the Governor must be thrown together a
good deal.
Her musical laugh broke in on my speculations.
"But the funniest thing is, Dicky, her name s the
same as mine."
Her name! By Jove, and until this moment, I
had not thought
CONFIDENCES 61
"Oh, I say," I exclaimed eagerly, "what is your
name, anyway?"
The lustrous eyes opened wide. "Why, you mean
to say you don t know? Thought you knew I was
named after the governor. And she s named after
hers Frances, from Francis, you know just the
difference in a letter. See?"
"Frances!" I murmured lingeringly. "So your
name s Frances?"
"Yes, and hers is Frances odd, isn t it ?"
I assented, but I wished she would drop the other
girl I wasn t interested there, except just because
she was.
Her bosom lifted with a sigh. "Don t you think
Frances is a peach of a name ?"
"It s heavenly!" I whispered. "And I m glad to
hear about your friend, too."
Her sweet face clouded. "Not much of a friend;
she aon t lose any sleep over me," she commented
gloomily. "Then there s Sis double-crossing me with
her influence ever since I got hauled up before
Prexy at Easter. Sis is awfully prissy."
Her tone was almost savage. I strained incredu
lously after her meaning.
"Did I understand you to say you were brought
up before the president there at Radcliffe?"
"Radcliffe?" Her head shook. "No Harvard."
And I nodded, recalling the affiliation between the
two institutions at Cambridge.
I wondered what silly, tyrannical straining of red
62 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
tape discipline on some one s part had subjected this
sensitive, refined girl to the humiliating ordeal of
having to appear before the president of the college.
Probably for plucking some trashy flower, or, at the
worst, looking twice at some sappy freshman ac
quaintance waving his hand from a frat house.
"By Jove, a devilish shame !" I ejaculated.
"I should say!" Her voice was aggrieved. "All
for a measly prize fight."
"Prize fight !" I gasped.
She nodded brightly. "Oh, a modest one, you
know not, of course, a Jeffries-Johnson affair, but
I tell you we had them going some for a round and
a half. Athletics is my long suit just you feel those
biceps." And with sudden movement she swept up
ward the wide, silken sleeve, showing a limb like
the lost arm of the Venus de what s-its-name.
"Go on just feel it," she commanded, flexing the
arm.
"I I" And I gulped and balked.
"Feel it, I tell you!" And I did.
And then I almost fell over, I received such a
shock. For my fingers seemed to be clasping, not
the soft, rounded contour I beheld, but a great
massed protuberance, hard and unyielding as a
bunch of dried putty. My fingers could not half
span it.
I jerked them away, bewildered.
"Wonderful," I said faintly, and I batted perplex
edly at the exquisite, symmetrical arm.
CONFIDENCES 63
"Oh, that s nothing," she said indifferently, jerk
ing down her sleeve. "I m a little undertrained now ;
been putting in all my time on leg work. That s
what counts in foot-ball.
"Foot-ball!" I questioned, astonished. "Why, I
didn t know "
"That I was on the team? Surest thing you know ;
that s why I ve got all this mop of hair comes be
low my collar see ?"
Her collar, indeed ! It was easy to see that, if un
bound, it would reach considerably below her waist.
But foot-ball! Why, she must mean basket-ball, of
course. I opened my mouth to remind her, when she
proceeded :
"But I was going to tell you about this prize fight.
Well, this fight was just a little one, you know.
Purse of eighteen dollars; and we had to chip in
afterward with an extra three to get Mug Kelly
that s the Charlestown Pet, you know to stand the
gaff for a second round. Why, he was all in on the
count at the end of the first round what do you
think of that?"
"But I say, you know I began, but she lifted
her hand.
"I know I know what you re going to say,
Dicky; you think we were a bunch of easy marks,
that s what you think. But how could we tell what
my room-mate was going to do to the Pet we
couldn t, you know."
"Your room-mate !" I exclaimed aghast. "A an
64 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
other young lady in a pugilistic encounter? Oh,
I say!"
She chuckled. "G long; stop your kidding!" And
she kicked playfully at me. Then she assumed a
mincing air finger on chin, lips pursed, and eyes
rolling upward, you know.
"Yes, another sweet young peacherino Miss Bil
lings little room-mate a beef that hits the beam
at about two-sixty Little Lizzie, you know."
"Lizzie!" I repeated vaguely.
"Oh, say, Dicky, cut it out; let me finish. Well,
another minute, and the Pet would have been put
to sleep, but just then the coppers nailed us." She,
added gloomily : "And that s what queered me with
Sis. Fierce, ain t it?"
She sighed and her beautiful lashes drooped
sadly. By Jove, I was so jolly floored I couldn t
manage a word. I knew, of course, that my heart
was broken, but it didn t matter. I loved her just the
same; I should always love her; and she had tried
to let me know she loved me better than any man she
had ever met. What the deuce did anything else mat
ter, anyhow? We would marry and go out on a
ranch or something of that sort, where the false,
polished what-you-call-it of civilization didn t count,
and no rude rebuff or sneer of society would ever
chill her warm impulsiveness.
She smiled archly. "See here, Dicky, I thought
we were going to tell each other the story of our
lives. Your turn now ; tell me how she looks to you,!
CONFIDENCES 65
this girl that came at last there s always the one
girl comes at last, they say, if you wait long enough.
Go on tell me what s she like?"
"Of course, you don t know!" I said significantly.
"Me? Of course I wouldn t know I want you
to tell me. Say, is she really so pretty?"
"Pretty," indeed ! It was like this adorable child
of nature not to understand that she was the most
perfect and faultless creation on earth!
I leaned toward her. "Is she pretty?" I repeated
reproachfully.
She eyed me slyly.
"Oh, of course I know how you feel," she said,
"but draw me a picture of her."
"A picture!" I laughed. "All right, here goes:
Eighteen, a daughter of the gods, divinely tall and
most divinely fair that sort of thing. Features
-classic perfect oval, you know, and profile to set
an artist mad with joy. Eyes? Blue as Hebe s, but
big and true and tender; hair, a great, shining nug
get of virgin gold. Form divine the ideal of a
poet s dream the alluring, the elusive, the unattain
able, the despair of the sculptor s chisel."
"My!" said Miss Billings, staring.
But I was not through. "Complexion ? Her skin
as smooth as the heart of a seashell and as delicately
warm as its rosy blush when kissed by the amorous
tide."
"Gee !" ejaculated my darling.
I looked at her closely. "And in one matchless
66 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
cheek a dimple divine such as might have been left
by the barbed arrow of Cupid when it awoke Psyche
from her swoon of death. In short, she might be
the dainty fairy princess of our childhood fantasies,
were she less superb in figure. On the other hand,
she might be the sunny-haired daughter of a Viking
king, were she not too delicately featured and
molded."
That was all I could remember from the descrip
tion as I had read it in a novel, but I was glad I had
stored it up, by Jove, for it suited her to a dot. She
didn t say a word for a moment, but just sat there
eying me kind of sidewise, her little upper lip lifted
in an odd way. Then of a sudden she shook her head
and swung her knees up over the arm of her chair.
"Well, Dicky, as a describer you sure are the
slushy spreader. Say, you ve got Eleanor Glyn
backed off the boards."
She went on eagerly: "I don t care, though;
slushy or not, your picture s just perfect for her.
Why, your girl must be a ringer for the girl at Rad-
cliffe. Only thing you left out was the freckle on the
chin."
Freckle on the chin ! By Jove, I left it out on pur
pose, for I thought she might not like it. I won
dered if all girls at Radcliffe had freckles on the
chin.
She lay back, regarding me inscrutably. "If she
looks like that," she sighed, "you ought to love her
very much, Dicky."
CONFIDENCES 67
I couldn t say anything, for words are so deuced
inadequate, you know. But I just made an effort to
look it all.
"Of course," sighing, "you ought to feel that
way ; and, another thing, Dicky : you ll never forget
where you first saw her, will you? One of the things
one never forgets."
"Right in this room," I murmured; "and in that
wicker chair."
"Really?" Her surprised ejaculation was deli
cious. By Jove, how entrancingly coquettish of her!
How jolly clever !
"Go on ; tell me how she was dressed never mind
any more picture business; just tell me in four or
five words. Bet you can t do it!" She slipped over
again to the arm of my chair.
In her eyes was a challenge and I took it up.
"In black silk pajamas," I said daringly.
Her blue eyes opened wide. For a moment I
feared she would be offended at my audacity, but
her birdlike carol of laughter reassured me.
"Say, you re not so slow, are you?"
And her hand came down on my back with a force
that made me jump.
"Only shows," she gurgled merrily, "how little
Jack knows about you. Say, you d better never tell
him about those black pajamas!"
She spoke chokingly through a storm of laughter
as she rocked there against my shoulder.
"And say the joke of it !" She banged me on the
68 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
back with a clublike blow, incredible from that little
hand. "The joke of it is, he thought I d be so safe
with you ! Oh, mamma !"
And off she went again.
I shifted uneasily. I did not like it her merri
ment over what was perfectly obvious and rational.
Of course, Billings knew she would be safe. Why
the deuce shouldn t he ?
But the matter of the pajamas was another thing.
Her receiving me in them was a contingency I could
not possibly have anticipated and avoided, and yet a
withdrawal because of them or even because of her
presence here had been shown to be a course inex
plicable to her. She was too innocent, too ingenuous,
too ingenue to understand that I was invading the
sanctuary of her privacy. Yet to have taken any
course that would have appeared to make correction
of her error come from me would have been ap
pallingly caddish and cruel. No, the best course had
seemed to be to go right on take no notice and
then, as soon as she retired, slip away to the club.
That seemed the gentlemanly thing.
Yet now her words implied a certain conscious
ness that her brother might frown upon her attire,
might even visit me with reproach. I was troubled,
and her next speech was not calculated to reassure
me.
"But I ll I ll never say a word, Dicky," she said,
coming out of her laughter and panting breathlessly.
CONFIDENCES 69
"Never! And don t you, Dicky don t you ever!
Understand? Mum s the word!"
I looked up distressfully to protest, but her little
head was shaking earnestly, the long, delicate hair
wisps about her forehead wavering like tiny, curling
wreaths of golden smoke.
"No, sir," she emphasized soberly; "if you ever
let that cat out of the bag, it ll be all up with me I
mean Jack will never let me come again. You must
promise me."
"But"
"Oh, but me no buts promise!"
"Why, then er of course, if you wish it."
"That s right, because I want to come again
that is, if you want me. But if Brother Jack was on
to you, Dicky, as I am, he would sooner have me at
a hotel, that s all."
"But my dear Frances
"I tell you I know, Dicky; he doesn t approve of
young ladies in pajamas." She chuckled. "Not even
black ones."
She stood up, looking at herself and performing a
graceful pirouette before the long pier glass.
"Now, if they had been crimson," she proceeded,
"he might have felt different. Old Jack s great on
Harvard, and so am I."
Of course. All Radcliffe girls were, I knew.
By Jove, how I wished I could show her the
lovely crimson pajamas Mastermann had sent me
70 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
from China ! But I would have to summon Jenkins
to find them, and besides, it would be of question
able taste to present them to her attention.
"Great idea, this, having pajamas in your college
colors," she said. I thought so, too, as I noted ad
miringly the rich effect of her golden head above
the black silk. But I thought the color a devilish
odd one somber, you know for colors of a young
girl s school.
"My! my!" she murmured, "wouldn t I just love
to live in pajamas just go about in em all the time,
you know! Why can t we, I wonder?" Her face
flashed me a ravishing smile ; and while I was blink
ing over her question, she went on: "Funny how
the girls even are taking to em even Sis wears
em!" She chuckled: "Hers are gray flanneilette.
But the girl I m telling you about she don t; Sis
told the mater about it. It seems that before she
left China, some high muck-a-muck gave her gov
ernor a swell pair of silk ones something like these,
I guess, but I don t know of what color. But, any
how, they were too delicate and fine to be wasted on
an old stiff like that, and he had sense enough to
know it. So he passed em down the line to her
Frances, you know. Well, sir Here she sidled
to the table and half leaned, half perched, upon its
edge; and I was so distracted watching her grace
ful poise and gestures, that I lost what she was
saying, by Jove.
It was her trill of laughter at something she had
CONFIDENCES 71
said, and the question: "Wasn t that funny?" that
brought me back to what she was telling me.
"Yes, sir said she just scared her maid oh,
batty! Because she looked so ugly in em that s
what she thinks, but of course shucks! Anyhow,
she never wore em any more, and a day or two later
some coolie stole them sold em probably."
Suddenly she yawned, stretched her arms above
her head, and flashed me a dazzling smile. By Jove,
in the loose-fitting garments she looked for all the
world like an Oriental houri, or some jolly lovely
thing like that.
"Gee, but I m sleepy!" she said behind her little
hand. "If you ll excuse me, Dicky, I believe it will
be off to the springs the bed springs, for little
Frankie. Good night, then. See you in the morn-
ing."
And with another radiant smile, she moved toward
her room.
"Good night," I said wistfully.
By Jove, somehow I had hoped she would offer to
kiss me, now that we were engaged in a way. But
then, of course, it wouldn t do she knew that. So
ought I. Perhaps in the morning at the boat !
And the door closed behind her. I stood blinking
after her a moment; then I fixed my attention
gloomily upon the cellarette. Poor little girl and her
foolish but adorably foolish college bravado!
Sorrowfully I locked the cellarette and dropped the
key in my pocket.
72 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
Then I locked the outer doors of the hall and
apartment, leaving the keys unmolested on the in
side. On the whole I decided I would not have up
the janitor s gossipy wife.
Next I sought Jenkins at the back.
"We will lock up back here, Jenkins, and go over
to my rooms at the club for the night."
Jenkins stared fixedly over my head. "Certainly,
sir."
"And Jenkins h m!" I crumpled a bill into his
mechanical palm. "You will never allude to having
seen that sweet urn you understand, Jenkins?
Never seem to remember, even to me, that you ever
saw any one up here to-night."
"Certainly not, sir," indignantly. "I wouldn t,
anyhow."
Yet his eyes, rolling back from the ceiling, seemed
to hold me oddly for an instant. In them was a
touch of sadness.
"But may I speak of that Mr. Billings, sir? You
know, if he comes
"Jenkins!" sharply.
"Certainly, sir!" Jenkins mouth closed, traplike.
But all in vain my early rise the next morning,
my careful toilet and my dash in a taxi to a florist
and then to Tiffany s for a ring. At the pier I
dodged about in the crowd, the boy trailing behind
me with the big purple box, but not a devilish thing
could I see of Frances. By Jove, I almost broke my
monocle straining! At last I was sure she must be
CONFIDENCES 73
left, for the last passengers were passing over the
gang-plank.
"Hello, Dicky!"
The voice, coarse and hearty, came from an
athletic young man in a hurrah suit. On his head,
perched jauntily above a mass of yellow hair, was a
straw hat with a crimson band.
I stared at him through my glass, but it was not
any one I knew at all. I looked at him coldly, for
there s nothing so devilish annoying as familiarities
from strangers. I thought I could freeze him off.
But he only grinned. "Looking for Miss Bill
ings?"
"I I haven t seen her," I answered stiffly. But
his question alarmed me.
He chuckled in my face. "Guess you don t know
her in her clothes, eh, Dicky?" And I did not need
the punch he gave me in the side to make me stag
ger backward. "A thousand thanks, and good-by,
old chap. I see they re hauling in the plank."
He lingered for one bearlike grab at my hand.
"And say, don t forget for I know Jack Billings
better than you do don t ever let him know about
all that Scotch last night."
He called over his shoulder with a grin : "Keep
it dark as dark as those black pajamas, Dicky!"
And as long as I could see, he stood on the deck,
waving his hat at me as I stood there with my
mouth open, my eyes following him with horror.
By Jove, who was he, and what did he know ?
CHAPTER VIII
HER BROTHER JACK
OOD night, Dicky!" came up the elevator
shaft. And then more "good nights," grow
ing fainter with their laughter as the car shot down.
"Good night," I called after them. "Devilish
sorry you fellows won t stay longer!"
"Jolly good lie, Jenkins," I said, yawning sleepily,
as I dropped back into my own apartment.
"Yes, sir," assented Jenkins demurely. "It s sleep
ing on the divan the other night, sir. Eight hours
there ain t nothing like eight hours in bed and in
your pajamas."
"Pajamas !" I ejaculated, startled.
For all day I had been thinking of her. I won
dered if Billings would happen to think to invite me
up for the week end. But he had so many times, and
I had never gone.
"By Jove, that reminds me," I said. "Those red
silk pajamas!"
"Yes, sir." Jenkins face hardened in an odd,
wooden way.
"I was wondering, Jenkins, if those pajamas were
torn any in our little row the other night."
74
HER BROTHER JACK 75
Poor Jenkins winced a little. "I think not, sir,"
he muttered humbly "leastwise, they were all right
last night when Mr. " He seemed to catch him
self abruptly. "I mean when I found them this
morning, sir."
He returned with the garments I had received
from Mastermann, and again we spread them under
the lamp on the table. They looked singularly
smooth and unwrinkled. There was not a single tear
or break, not even with the delicate cords that
twisted to form the frogs of the coat.
"My, sir! But ain t they red!" breathed Jenkins.
"Them cords look like little red snakes."
I cut an anxious glance at Jenkins, for I did not
like his reference to snakes. Seemed ominous, some
how. But his appearance was composed and reas
suring. And, by Jove, come to look, the cords did
look just like tiny, coiled serpents of glowing fire.
Why, they were so jolly red they hurt your eyes.
Fact! And thin as the beautiful stuff was, this
brighter red ran all over the other, covering every
inch of it and forming the closest, finest what-you-
call-it embroidery. It was as faint and dainty a
pattern as that on a soap bubble! Fact is, I could
not trace it, even with my glass.
The only part that wasn t covered with this em
broidery business was the stuff used to cover the
knots, or little balls, over which the cords were
meant to hook. In working with some of these
cords, idly fastening and unfastening them, I got a
76 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
little impatient with one that seemed tight, you
know, and I used my manicure knife to pull the
knot through.
"Careful, sir," warned Jenkins. "Likely to cut
something."
By Jove ! No sooner said, than I did it !
The dashed blade slipped somehow and cut into
the threads that tied the covers or caps or whatever-
you-call- ems, over the knots. And when I pulled,
the beastly piece of silk came off in my fingers.
And then oh, but I say! I just gave a sort of
yell and dropped the whole thing!
Ever have some silly ass try to scare you by pok
ing a red hot cigar at you in the dark? Know how
you jerk back? Well, there you are! For, give you
my word, when I peeled off the little cloth cap, regu
lar blazes of crimson fire seemed to shoot from the
end of the knot.
Fact is, it wasn t a knot at all, but a button a
devilish glassy button, something bigger than a
dime, perhaps, and thick as the end of your little;
ringer. And there it lay against the silk, burning
its way through it like a red coal of fire.
Dashed if it didn t look that way, anyhow. I just
sat there blinking like a jolly owl, waiting to see the
stuff begin to smoke, before I had presence of mind
to tell Jenkins to touch it to see if it would burn.
But Jenkins wouldn t. He just stood there with
his jaw hanging and his eyes bulging like champagne
corks !
HER BROTHER JACK 77
And it was just then that Billings rolled in.
I say "rolled in/ because it always looks that
way. That s the way Billings is built, you know.
"I say, Dicky," he panted, "just missed another
infernal express! Plenty more trains, but I had a
great inspiration strike me that I d let you put me up
for the night. Hat, Jenkins ! Now, don t say a word,
Dicky, old chap. Cane, Jenkins! Great pleasure,
assure you won t inconvenience me at all. Gloves,
Jenkins! Just give me something to sleep in, and
I ll be as comfortable here as I would be at the club
so don t worry any about me, old chap. By the
way, want to thank you for taking care of the kid.
Got home all right, I understand."
He plunked like a jolly elephant into the largest
and most comfortable chair in the room and
wheezed for breath.
"And, Jenkins!" He raised one fat ringer while
he took a gasp. "Don t mind if I do have a package
of Dicky s Koroskos and a sloe fizz not too sweet,
you know ; and you may
He halted, his eyes suddenly riveted to the table,
and straightened inquiringly, his big hands poised
upon the padded arms of the chair.
"Suffering Thomas cats! What s that?" he ex
claimed. "The scream there flag of Morocco?"
And then, without pausing for reply, he dashed
on:
"I say, old chap, if you re picking up those, I can
get you a few for nothing. You know Higgins,
78 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
cashier-that-was of the Widows National, eh?
Well, Higgins sent the governor a Morocco flag the
other clay from Tangier. Fact is, he sent one to
every director of the bank and an extra large one
to that bank examiner!"
He chuckled wabblingly, like a jolly jellyfish.
"Talk about a red flag to a bull," he exploded,
"why, they"
Billings broke off suddenly. Then he climbed
heavily to his feet, and without warning, heaved
himself across the room and seized the button I had
just uncovered. Dashed if he didn t almost upset
me.
"Here, I say!" I protested. "Don t lose that cap."
I picked it up from where he had jerked it to the
floor. "It s the cover to hide that glass, you know."
"Wh-a-a-t!"
Billings swung round, staring at me with the
most curious expression.
"See here, Dicky," he exclaimed rather excitedly,
but in a low tone, as he cut a side glance at Jenkins
siphoning the fizz over at the cellarette. "What in
thunder have you been doing now ?"
By Jove, I turned cold for a minute, I was that
startled. I thought he was going to use the pajamas
as an introduction for reference to last night. But
in a minute I saw that he did not mean that.
"Where on earth did you get anything like this?"
And he held up the button and the garment.
"Oh, I say now!" I remonstrated, alarm changing
HER BROTHER JACK 79
to a mild dudgeon. Billings devilish rude manners
are so offensive at times. "What do you mean ? It s
a present from a friend in China."
"Present!" Billings eyes bulged queerly. He
stooped toward me, whispering: "Did he know
what this button was?"
"Why, of course he didn t," I answered indig
nantly. "Never dreamed of it, of course. I tell
you, it was all nicely covered, was what-you-call-it
upholstered, you know with devilish nice silk.
I cut it off accidentally, trying to force the thing
through that loop. That left the marble exposed."
Billings took the glass mechanically from the tray
tendered by Jenkins and sipped it slowly, eying me
curiously over the top. Then he set it back, very
deliberately, wiped his mouth with the bit of napery,
and without taking his glance from me, waited until
Jenkins had left the room. Whereupon, after an
other searching look at the button, he dropped it
with the garment upon the table, and with hands
jammed deep in his pockets, faced me with a long-
drawn whistle.
"Well, I ll be hanged!" he exclaimed. Just a
coarse, vulgar outburst, you know no sense to it;
no point at all, you know that s Billings.
He caught up the coat again. "And these others
four of them are they just the same?" he de
manded sharply.
"Dash it, how should I know? I suppose so," I
answered indifferently. And I closed my eyes and
8o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
leaned back, feeling a bit just a bit weary. Some
how, Billings is always so exhausting when he gets
started on something.
"Oh, cut it out, old chap," I protested, drowsy-
like.
"I will," I heard him say. Then I guess I must
have dropped off a bit, for the next thing I knew
he was shaking me.
"Dicky! Dicky! Say, look here! Look, I tell
you!"
I did look, and well, I was jolly vexed, that s
all.
"Oh, I say now!" I spoke severely just that
way, you know. I went on, remonstrating : "Devil
ish silly joke, if you ask me. You ve gone and ruined
the thing, Billings! Flashy buttons like that, you
know too tawdry, too cheap."
"Cheap!" He almost shouted it. Then he leaned
over the back of the leather chair and pounded his
fat head against the cushions, writhing his big bulk
from side to side.
"Quite impossible," I said firmly. "Not en regie
at all, you know!" And I fixed my glass and stared
gloomily at the things. The five shiny buttons just
lay there against the delicate silk like so many fiery
crimson cherries. And they reminded me of some
thing something what the deuce was it? Some
thing devilish familiar, whatever it was. And then
of a sudden I had it!
"By Jove, you know!" And I just fell back ir>
HER BROTHER JACK 8r
consternation. "This is awful! I d look like a er
dashed human cocktail. Oh, I say!"
Then Billings, who was already gasping like a
jolly what s-its-name, dropped upon the arm of the
chair and held his side.
"Dicky, you you ll be the death of me yet," he
panted.
I never try to follow Billings. Nobody ever does.
So I paid no attention to him. Shaking his head, he
lifted the garment again and held it out of the direct
rays of the shaded lamp. The five buttons leaped
out of the shadow like port lights down the bay on
a moonless night.
He leered at me, chuckling. "Look cheap to you,
eh? What you might call outre, so to speak?"
"By Jove, of course," I answered ruefully. "I
can t sleep in the things now, you know. What
would people say?"
Billings stared at me disagreeably a moment and
said something under his breath. Then he caught
up the buttons and the silk, and crushing them in his
hands, buried his face in the mass.
"Oh you beauties, you darlings!" I heard him
murmur.
Then he looked at the buttons again, and dash it,
he kissed one. Maudlin jolly maudlin, I say, if
you ask me !
"I say, Dicky," he said carelessly. "You may not
care for them, but I ve taken rather a shine to these
buttons. Mind letting me have one, eh?"
82 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
He flashed a quick glance at me and then away.
"Mind? Why, certainly not; take em all, old
chap, and welcome." Yet I responded gloomily
enough, scarcely polite, you know. And I felt too
jolly prostrated to be curious as to what he could
possibly want with the things. Waistcoat buttons,
likely Billings was given to loud dress and other
bounder stunts. But he just sat there looking down
after I spoke, and presently stole a queer glance at
me.
"Dicky," he said, and paused. Then he fished out
that perfectly impossible pipe of his and began to
pack it, slowly shaking his head. "Dicky, anybody
that would take advantage of you would lift a baby s
milk gurgler."
Of course, I saw no more sense in that than you
do, you know, but I understood that in his crude,
vulgar way he meant some sort of a compliment.
"Dash it, of course," I said offhand, straighten
ing up and recrossing my legs. I always say that
and do that way when fellows say stupid things.
Such a jolly good way to keep from hurting their
feelings, you know, and saves talking and thinking.
Got on to it myself.
Billings eye ranged at me as he lighted his pipe.
The smoke seemed to make him cough, and it was
this, I suppose, that set him chuckling.
He suddenly held up the row of red buttons again.
"Look here, you blessed dodo," he exclaimed
brusquely. "Have you really no idea what these are,
HER BROTHER JACK 83
these glass buttons you are yapping about? Of
course you haven t, you jolly chowder head, but I m
going to tell you."
He threw the coat into my lap.
"They are rubies, old man, that s all," he said
quietly. "Oriental rubies, at that flawless and per
fect the rarest and most precious things in the
world."
CHAPTER IX
AN AMAZING REVELATION
I STARED blankly at Billings. "Rubies!" I
gasped.
He nodded. "Genuine pigeon bloods, my son, no
less."
"Oh, come now, Billings," I protested. I felt a
little miffed, just a little you know. So jolly raw to
try it on that way.
"By jove, old chap, you must think me a com
mon ass," I suggested disgustedly.
Billings grinned at the very idea.
"You a common ass, Dicky?" he ejaculated. "No
body who knows you would ever think that, old
man."
"But, I say"
"See here, Dicky boy, I m in dead earnest," he in
terrupted eagerly. "Don t you remember my one
fad gems? Got enough tied up in them to build
two apartment houses as big as this. Best amateur
collection in New York, if I do say it. But I haven t
anything like one of these rubies, and neither has
any one else no one else in this country, anyhow.
There s nothing like them in all New York, from
Tiffany s down to Maiden Lane, and never has been.
84
AN AMAZING REVELATION 85
I never saw anything like near like any of them
except the one in the Russian crown of Anna Ivan-
ovana. That s bigger, but it hasn t the same fire."
I just laughed at him. "Why, Billings, these paja
mas were sent me by a friend in China, and I assure
you"
"Assure? What can you assure what do you
know about it?" said Billings rudely. "What did
your friend know, or the one he had these things
^rom or the one before him or the one still be
fore that? Pshaw!" And he snapped his fingers.
With his hand he swept up the little caps and the
long, wirelike threads that held them and sniffed
the handful curiously.
"H m! Funky sort of aromatic smell balsam,
cedar oil or something like that," he muttered half
iloud. "That accounts for the preservation. But
still"
He crossed his legs and puffed thoughtfully.
"Tell you how I figure this out, Dicky," he said
.finally. "These nighties your friend has sent you
are awfully rare and old; and for delicate, dainty
elegance and that sort of thing they ve got every
thing else in the silk way shoved off the clothes-line.
But as to these jewels, you can just bet all you ve
got that whoever passed them on was not wise to
them being under these covers."
Here he got to looking at one of the buttons and
murmuring his admiration regular trance, you
know.
86 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"By Jove !" I remarked, just to stir him up a bit.
And he unloaded a great funnel of smoke and con
tinued :
"My theory is that during some danger, some
mandarins war, likely, somebody got cold feet about
these jewels and roped them in with these bits of
silk see how different they are from the rest of
the stuff! Then, when the roughhouse came, these
pajamas were swept along in the sacking sort of
spoils of pillage, you know. It was a clever method
of concealment clever because simple a hiding
place unlikely to be thought of because right under
the eye. You recall Poe s story of The Purloined
Letter?"
I tried to remember. "Can t say I do, dear boy,"
I had to admit. "Don t seem to place that one. Only
one I remember hearing him tell is that one he
brought back from Paris. Let me see The Story
of the Lonely Lobster, I think he called it." I chor
tled delightedly as it came back to me. "By Jove,
that was devilish neat ! Don t know when I ve ever
heard"
An offensive remark by Billings interrupted me.
"Here, Dicky, Dicky, what do you think you re
talking about ?" he added rudely. Evidently his mind
had wandered from the subject. So I replied with
dignity dignity, with just a touch of sarcasm :
"Pogue Mickey Pogue of our club. Perhaps
you don t know Mickey Pogue?" And, by Jove, that
fetched him ! He stared at me a moment, and then,
AN AMAZING REVELATION 87
getting up, he reached over and solemnly shook me
by the hand.
"Dicky," he said, wagging his head, "I apologize.
You take the brioche!" And he turned his back a
second.
I asked Billings how much he thought one of the
rubies was worth. I had in mind how devilish hun
grily he had looked at them. But he sighed, then
frowned and answered impatiently:
"That s it! That s the trouble about all the rare
and beautiful things of this life! Always some de
basing, prohibitive sordid money value, dammit !"
He squinted at the stones again and let the weight
of one rest upon his finger. He shook his head,
sighing.
"Well, they re over twenty carats each, and there
fore, of course, many times the value of first water
diamonds. After you get above five carats with
real Oriental rubies, diamonds are not in it."
With an abrupt gesture he pushed the things away
and rose. His pipe had gone out, but I noticed that
he did not relight it. I held the gems full in the rays
of the lamp, and Billings paused, holding a hungry
gaze over his shoulder.
"I say, Billings, how much did you say one was
worth?" I asked carelessly. For a moment he did
not reply, but muttered to himself.
"I didn t say," he finally replied, and rather
crossly. Then he whirled on me impulsively. "See
here, Lightnut," he exclaimed, "if you ll let me have
88 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
one of those for my collection, I ll give you twenty-
five thousand for it there !"
He gulped and continued :
"I ll have to make some sacrifices, but I don t
mind that. I "
But I shook my head. Really, I could hardly keep
from laughing in his face.
"Sorry ! Can t see it, old chap," I said. "Wouldn t
sell one of them at any price."
Billings gulped again. "I suppose not ; don t blame
you. Way you re fixed, you don t have to." He
walked slowly to the window and back. "Take my
advice, Dicky, and get those fire coals into your safe
deposit vault first thing in the morning. Hello,
you re cutting them off! That s wise."
For with the knife he had left on the table I was
cutting away the tough threads that held the rubies.
I cut off the second and fourth, leaving the first
ruby at the collar and the other two alternates.
"Go on," said Billings, as I laid down the knife.
"You ve only removed two."
"Don t believe I ll cut off any more," I said.
"Want you to help me tie up the others just as they
were."
"What !"
I insisted. And though Billings protested and
argued and even called me names, we did as I said.
For, by Jove, you know it was perfectly clear that
if they had been safe so long under the little covers,
the jewels couldn t find any better place. Singular
AN AMAZING REVELATION 89
thing Billings couldn t see it. Besides, the pajamas
had to have fastenings, you know.
I held one of the two rubies under the light, and,
by Jove, I almost dropped it did drop my glass.
Seeing a red-hot poker-point in your fingers would
give you the same turn.
"Rippers, Billings ! Simply rippers !" I exclaimed.
I held the other ruby beside its fellow. Then I
waited, listening, and I heard Billings hand strike
down on the back of a chair.
"I guess I ll be going, old chap," he said gruffly.
"Think I d better, after all." He cleared his throat.
"Sure you can t sell me one, Dicky?" Dashed if his
^oice didn t tremble.
"Quite sure, dear boy," I murmured, without
turning around. "->Iot mine, you know these two."
Billings exploded then. It seemed an opportunity
o relieve himself. "Not yours! Why, you dod-
gasted idiot, you nincompoop, you cuckoo, you
chicken head! What notion have you got in that
fool s noddle now? If those rubies are not yours,
whose do you think they are?"
I whirled about quickly. "Yours," I said, and laid
them in his hand.
"My compliments, old chap," I added, smiling.
By Jove! One time, at least, I put it all over old
Billings!
"No!" he gasped, crouching over and gripping
my shoulder.
I grinned cheerfully.
90 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
He fell into a chair and just sat there mouthing
at me and then at the jewels in his hand. Old boy
looked devilish silly. Really acted like he had some
sort of stroke that sort of thing.
I laughed at him.
"Don t you see?" I said, trying to explain.
"Wouldn t have known a dashed thing about the
buttons being rubies but for you. So lucky they
came to me so I can get a chance to help out your
collection. Awfully glad, old chap."
He clenched the jewels, and looked down.
"Dicky " He coughed a little huskily as he
paused. "Dicky." His voice was so low I could
hardly hear him. "Dicky, you re off your trolley,
and I m a damned "
He raised his arm and dropped it.
"Well, never mind what," he finished with a lift
of the shoulders. "But I want to say something.
It s about what I offered you for those stones. The
price the amount I named wasn t even a decent
gamble ; but it was all I could go, and oh, I wanted
one so badly, Dicky ! And now you ve made me feel
like a dog. And I can t take your gift, old chap,
any more than I could afford to offer you the real
value of one of these beautiful stones. Here." And
he passed them back to me.
"I know each of them to be worth anywhere from
forty to fifty thousand dollars," he said quietly.
"They re the kind the crowned heads scoop for jew
els of state."
AN AMAZING REVELATION 91
I nodded, and, getting up carelessly, I strolled to
a window.
"Devilish lovely night," I said, poking my head
out. And it was. Stars overhead and all that sort
of thing, and lots of them below, too I could hear
them singing over on Broadway.
"All right, old chap; then here they go into the
street," I said. "If my friend can t have em, then no
jolly crowned heads shall. That s flat!"
Billings started forward with a regular scream.
I waved him back. "Don t come any nearer, old
chap," I said, holding my arm out of the window,
"or, dash me, I ll drop them instantly. Six stories,
you know stone flagging below."
"But, Dicky"
"If you don t say you ll take em, time I count
three, I ll give em a toss, by Jove! One!"
"Here, Dicky! Don t be a"
"Two !" I counted. No bluff, you know ; I meant
jolly well to do it.
"Just one word one second, Dicky!" he yelled.
"Let me off with one, then. Dicky ! Dicky, old chap !
Be a good sportsman!"
I hesitated. Dash it, one hates to take an advan
tage.
Billings stretched out his arm appealingly. "Do,
old chap!" he pleaded. "Give me just one one
only!"
His hand shook like a quivering what s-its-name
leaf.
92 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
I yielded reluctantly: "Oh, well then, call it off
with one," I said. And with a sigh I tossed him one
of the rubies and dropped the other in the pocket of
my smoking-jacket. Billings wiped his forehead, and
then he thanked me and wiped his eyes.
"So good of you to give in, old chap," he snuffled.
"Never will forget you for it!"
"Oh, I say, chuck it, you know !" I protested.
"Whole family will thank you," he went on in
his handkerchief. "Princely magnanimity and all
that sort of thing you ll just have to come up for
the week end with me this "
"I will!" I reached forward eagerly and insisted
on shaking hands. By Jove, what luck !
And Billings looked regularly overcome. All he
could do was just shake his head and pump my arm.
Why, dash it, this seemed to affect him more even
than giving in about the ruby. It was the first time
I had ever accepted his invitation, you know.
"Tell you what, old chap," he said, as soon as he
could speak. "I m going to tell you what to do with
that other stone. You save that for her."
"Her!" By Jove, I was so startled I lost the grip
on my monocle. Billings nodded emphatically.
"Yes, sir for her; she ll be along one of these
days."
"By Jove, you know!" I was almost dizzy with
a sudden idea. I fished out the jewel and held it be
fore my glass, squinting doubtfully at it. I won
dered if it was good enough for "her."
AN AMAZING REVELATION 93
"I say, Billings," I murmured thoughtfully.
"Blondes or brunettes, you know which wear
rubies?"
"Both!" He said it with a kind of jaw snap.
"They wear anything in the jewel line they can
freeze on to."
"But which"
"The worst? Blondes, my boy blondes, every
time; especially those going around in black." Bill
ings spoke gloomily. "Let me tell you, my boy and
I know don t you ever have anything to do with a
blonde if she s in black, especially black silk hear?"
By Jove, his uplifted finger and fierce way of say
ing it gave me a regular turn, you know. But then
there was the ruby, and I was thinking that
"Perhaps the four of them in a bracelet," I mut
tered, "with something else to help out. They might
do."
"They might," said Billings in a tone of coarse
sarcasm. "They might do for a queen !"
I flashed a quick look at him. "Just what 7 was
thinking," I answered gently.
"Meantime," said Billings, yawning, "let s go to
bed."
And just as I rang for Jenkins I suddenly was
seized with a perfectly ripping idea that checked a
long yawn right in the middle and almost broke my
jaw. For I saw how I could do something hand-
jome that would even up with Billings in a way for
the ruby he wouldn t take.
94 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Tell you what, old chap," I said, slapping him
on the shoulder, "you are going to have them to
night!"
"Have have what?" burst from him. "Rubies?
I tell you I won t take another "
"Rubies!" I ejaculated contemptuously. "Rubies
nothing ! Something better something worth while,
dash it!"
I saw he would never guess it.
"Why, you shall sleep in the pajamas from
China," I exclaimed. And gathering them, I placed
them in his hands.
"By George, Dicky!" Billings face showed feel
ing. "How infernally clever of you, old chap! How
thundering timely, too!"
He held them up singly, studying their outlines
critically.
"And see here, Dicky why, great Thomas cats!"
His eyes turned on me wonderingly. "Never noticed
it before did you? But I do believe they are just
my size !"
His size ! By Jove, I had forgotten all about the
item of size! I just collapsed into a chair as he said
good night, and sat there blinking in a regular
stupefaction of horror as his door closed behind him.
For he was devilish sensitive about his bulk, and
I dared not say a word.
CHAPTER X
A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION
, but I say, it s impossible, you know!" And
I stared at Jenkins incredulously.
He grinned foolishly. "I know, sir; but he s in
em, just the same, and I must say they do fit lovely
just easy-like."
"By Jove!" I gasped helplessly. "Then the jolly
things must be made of rubber, that s all! Why,
look here, he weighs over three hundred pounds, you
know!"
Jenkins head wagged sagaciously. "I think that s
how it is, sir; it s wonderful what they do with rub
ber now ; my brother wears a rubber cloth bandage
that ain t no bigger round than my arm when it s
off of him, and he "
"Dare say," I said sleepily as I fell back upon
my pillow. "Good night, Jenkins; hope you ll get
enough sleep to make up for the other night."
Jenkins sighed as he punched out the light.
"Thank you, sir and good night," he murmured.
How long I slept I can not tell, as they say in
stories, you know; but I was brought jolly wide
awake by a light that shone through the bedroom s
95
96 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
open door. For if there s one thing- will wake me
quicker than everything else it s a light in the room
at night. Fact is, I always want it as black as the
what s-its-name cave, or else I can t sleep. And this
light came from the small electric stand on the writ
ing-desk. I could tell that by the way it shone.
And just then the little silver gong in there chimed
three. Jolly rum hour for anybody to be up unless
they were having some fun or were sick. So I raised
my head and called softly :
"Jenkins er Billings !"
No answer. Reluctantly I swung out and stepped
within the next room. Not a soul there, by Jove!
Then I moved over to Billings door, which was wide
open for coolness, like my own. I could not see the
shadowed alcove in which the bed was placed, and
so I stood there hesitating, hating awfully to risk
the possibility of disturbing him, don t you know.
And just then my eyes, ranging sleepily across the
room toward the private hall, were startled by the
apparition of an open doorway.
Startled, all right! And yet, by Jove, I was in
such a jolly fog, I just stood there, nodding and
batting at it for a full minute before I could take
it in.
"What I call devilish queer," I decided. I walked
over and stuck my head out into the dark hall.
"Billings! Jenkins!" I whispered.
By Jove, not a word ! Everything as silent as the
tomb!
A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 97
I didn t like it a bit so mysterious, you know.
Besides, dash it, the thing was getting me all waked
up! I just knew if once I got excited and thoroughly
awake, it would take me nearly ten minutes to get
to sleep again. And, by Jove, just then the excite
ment came, for I got hold of the fact after I had
stared at it a while, that the door of my apartment
opening into the outer corridor was standing ajar.
Why, dash it, it was not only standing, it was mov
ing. Then suddenly the broad streak of light from
the corridor widened under the impulse of a fresh
ening breeze, and the door swung open with a bang.
And then I heard my name spoken.
By Jove, I had been standing there with my mouth
open, bobbing my head like a silly dodo; but, give
you my word, I was suddenly wide awake as a jolly
owl wagon !
Away down the corridor, by the mail chute, a
man was standing, reading a framed placard.
Nothing particularly remarkable in this, but as the
door banged he turned his head sharply and ejacu
lated :
"Dammit! Now, that will wake Lightnut!"
I was surprised, because I couldn t recall ever
having seen him before; yet, standing as he did
under the light, I had opportunity for a devilish
good view.
He was a heavy set old party, rather baldish, with
snowy mutton chops and a beefy complexion that
was joliy well tanned below the hatband line, you
98 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
know. The kind of old boy you size up as one of the
prime feeder sort and fond of looking on the wine
when it is Oporto red. Had something of the cut of
the retired India colonels one sees about the Service
clubs in London straight as a lamp post still, but
out of training and in devilish need of tapping
that sort of duck, you know !
What a respectable-looking old party might be up
to, wandering around a bachelor apartment building
at three in the morning, was none of my business.
What s more, you know, I didn t care a jolly hang.
But the thing that dashed me was that just as I
moved toward the door to close it, he uttered my
name again and came straight toward me as though
to speak.
So I had to wait, by Jove, for I couldn t close the
door in his face. Awfully rotten thing to do that,
you know.
"Lost his floor and wants to inquire," I decided.
And then as he toddled across the last yard and
stopped before me, I saw that the old chap was in
his night things some darkish sort of pajamas.
His bushy white eyebrows puckered in a frown.
. "Hello ! Just afraid my moving around was going
to get you up infernal shame!" he said in a thun
der growl.
I smiled feebly but politely. "Devilish consider
ate old cock," was my thought. "Means well. 1
Aloud I said : "Not at all, you know. Up any
how."
A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 99
Then I moved the door just a little just a wee
suggestive inch or two, you know, hoping he
would go.
But, by Jove, he just walked right in !
Then he leaned against the wall in the corridor
and chuckled.
"By George!" he exclaimed with a leer that
showed his almost toothless old gums. "Bet you
never would guess what I got up for!"
No, dash it, I didn t even care to try. I just
coughed a little.
"He, he !" he giggled. "Woke up and remembered
had promised Flossie Fandango of The Parisian
Broilers a box of steamer flowers. Gad, she sails at
ten ; so I piled out and shot off a note to my florist,
special delivery. Been trying to find out from that
infernal card back there when s the first collection
from the box below. You don t know, do you ?"
By Jove, one of those foot-in-the-grave old stage-
door Johnnies ! The surprise took my breath.
"Why, the cheesy old sport!" I thought disgust
edly. And I answered rather coldly: "Sorry, you
know; no idea." And I opened the door wide.
But the old rascal never moved ; just stood there,
chuckling horribly.
"Well, she ll be back in the fall," he cackled.
"And see here, old chap, will introduce you if you
like. You need waking up!"
And here I gave a jump and yelled "Ouch!"
For the old fool had dug his thumb into my ribs.
ioo THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
Only then did it dawn on me that he was drunk.
Of course that was it, and unless I got rid of him
the old bore would stand and twaddle the rest of the
night. I reached for his hand and shook it.
"We ll have a talk about it some time," I said
pleasantly. "Just now, don t you think we d better
each get to bed? So devilish late, you know."
He slapped me on the shoulder with a blow that
almost brought me to the floor. Felt like he struck
me with a ham, don t you know !
"Right, old chap," he said; "very delicately put;
won t keep you up another minute. Believe I d like
a drink first, though, if you don t mind."
Devilish bored as I was, I decided the easiest es
cape was to humor him.
"All right," I said, leaving the door open and
stepping into the room; "I ll get you a glass of
water."
"Water!" he exclaimed, following me right in.
"Say, don t get funny; it s not becoming to you."
He leered at me hideously.
He went right to the corner where stood my cel-
larette. By Jove, give you my word I was so devilish
stupefied I couldn t bring out a word. I wasn t sure
what was coming, and as I didn t want Billings rest
disturbed, I quietly closed the door of his room.
The old cock in the black pajamas had uncorked
a bottle and was smelling its contents. He grimaced
over his shoulder.
"That s infernally rotten Scotch, I say!" he ex-
A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 101
claimed with a sort of snort. "Regular sell, by
George !"
I was glad Billings didn t hear him, for it had
been a present from him only the week before.
"Suppose I ll have to go the rye," he grumbled;
and, grinning at me familiarly, he poured himself a
drink. He tossed it off, neat. I reflected that per
haps he would go quietly now.
"Well," I said, advancing, "I expect you re anx-
ious to get to your quarters, so I ll say good night."
I extended my hand. "That ought to fetch him/
I thought, "if he s a gentleman, no matter how jolly
corked he may be."
In my grasp his hand felt like a small boxing
glove, but when I glanced at it I saw that it was not
unusual.
The old duck pumped my arm solemnly and cast
his eyes to the ceiling.
"Fa-are-we-e-11, old f-friend!" he murmured in a
husky tremolo, deflecting the corners of his mouth
and wagging his bald pate. "If I don t see you
again I ll have the river dragged !"
And then, instead of going, dash me if the old
fool didn t flop down into Billings favorite chair
and reach for Billings cigarettes that he had left on
the tabouret.
He waved his hand at me. "Oh, you go on to bed,
Lightnut," he said, puffing away with iron nerve.
"All the sleep s out of me, dammit! I ll just sit here
and read and smoke as long as I like, then I ll go
102 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
in there and turn in." A jerk of his doddering head
indicated Billings room.
By Jove, I hardly knew what to do! I was reg
ularly bowled over, don t you know. I was up
against a crisis that s what a crisis.
"Oh, I say, you know " I started remonstrating,
and just then I gasped with relief at the welcome
sight of Jenkins, peeking round the door-frame be
hind my visitor s back. His finger was on his lips
and he beckoned me earnestly.
At the same moment old whiskers shoved his chair
up to the table, switched on the reading-lamp and
reached for a magazine.
"I m on, sir," whispered Jenkins, as I joined him
and we stepped aside. "Hadn t I better ring up the
janitor on my house phone?"
"By Jove, the very thing!" I agreed. "For he ll
know where this chap belongs. A fiver, tell him, if
he gets a move on. Hurry!"
I slipped back into the room as Jenkins disap
peared. The jolly old barnacle had discarded his
cigarette and was critically selecting a cigar from
my humidor.
"I don t see why the devil you don t go to bed/
he said, fixing himself comfortably with two chairs
and lighting up.
"I I m not sleepy," I stammered, perching on
the corner of a chair.
"I believe you re lying," he growled, scowling at
A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 103
me ; "but if you re not sleepy, listen to this joke here
it s a chestnut, but it s infernally good."
I never did know what the joke was, for I was
listening for other sounds as he read. Suddenly I
heard a whistle far down in the street ; and I thought
it was followed by a patter of running feet.
Then came the quivering rhythm of the elevator
rapidly ascending, and while the anecdote was still
being droned out between chuckles, I slipped out
again into the hall and rejoined Jenkins.
"Janitor says there s no such tenant in this build
ing as I described," Jenkins imparted hurriedly.
"Might be a guest, of course ; but he doesn t remem
ber ever seeing him. So he whistled for a cop, to be
on the safe side, and caught two. Here they are, sir."
Out from the elevator sprang the janitor, half-
dressed and looking excited. Close on his heels came
two big policemen.
I stepped into the outer corridor and explained
the situation. The officers nodded reassuringly.
" Nough said," one of them commented. "We ll
have him out, sir."
The janitor, who had been cautiously sighting
through the door within, came running out.
"He shifted around while I was looking, and I
got a good look at him," he said with some excite
ment, "and I never saw him before. I wouldn t for
get that mug!"
"Suppose you take a squint at him yourself,
104 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
O Keefe," suggested the taller of the coppers.
"You ve been on this beat so long."
In a minute or two O Keefe came slipping back
hurriedly. He drew his companion aside.
"Tell you what, Tim," I heard him say, "do you
know, I m after thinking it looks like old Braxton,
known in the perfesh as Foxy Grandpa. He s a
swell con man, but has just finished a stretch at Cop
per John s for going through a flat in the Bronx.
He s done murder once."
The other turned to me.
"May save a muss in your rooms if you ll just
kinder call him out, sir," he suggested. "It will be
simpler." He grinned significantly and glanced at
his night stick.
"By Jove !" I ejaculated, looking at Jenkins. "By
Jove, you know !"
Jenkins coughed. "Just say you want to speak to
him a minute, sir," he said. "They ll do the rest
h m!"
They all followed me into the hall, and I stepped
to the doorway. And then I almost pitched for
ward, I was so devilish startled.
For, as a crowning example of his daring and
reckless conduct, the hoary old reprobate was emerg
ing from Billings room, his fingers overhauling the
contents of my friend s wallet, even as he waddled
along, and so absorbed that he never even saw me.
"Ah!" he breathed in a heavy sigh of satisfaction ;
and out came his fingers, and in them, poised aloft,
A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 105
he held the ruby I had given to Billings. His bleary
eyes gloated at it.
"Mine!" he whispered. "Mine now to keep for
ever!"
CHAPTER XI
IRON NERVE
I JUST stood in the doorway, staring. Couldn t
say a word, my throat was that paralyzed. First
time, you know, I d ever seen a real burglar or jolly
hold-up man, and he looked so different from what
I had expected.
But I knew now, of course, that the policeman
was right and that the respectable-looking old gen
tleman was no other than the desperate criminal de
scribed as "Foxy Grandpa." But for the interven
tion of outside assistance doubtless Billings and I
might have had our throats cut by the conscienceless
old geezer.
He was so absorbed that he did not see me, nor
the two helmets piking above my shoulder.
"Up to his old tricks," O Keefe whispered.
"We ve got him in the act, Tim !"
"Great !" breathed Tim. "What won t the captain
say!"
O Keefe s breath tickled my ear again and swept
my nose. I ve never seen beer or sauerkraut since
but what I think of it !
"Got your stick ready?" he was saying. "Best
not take any chances; Braxton s a quick shooter,
1 06
IRON NERVE 107
they say. When we jump him, better give him the
club right off."
Tim whispered an impatient demur. "That s all
right; but I m for coaxing him out here first. I
don t want to tap him on the gentleman s rugs; if I
do, I can tell you, it ll ruin em, that s all."
He swept his hand across his tongue and gripped
his stick tighter.
Jenkins, at one side, bobbed his head up and down
and smiled his admiration of this sentiment. He
leaned nearer to me.
"Just beckon him out, sir," his whisper advised.
"Just tell him you want to show him something in
the hall cat, or anything will do. Just so you get
him past the furniture and rugs, sir."
I advanced a step into the room. I expected the
old knave to be a bit dashed, don t you know. Not
he ; it never disquieted him a bit. Just gave me a
careless leer and went back to the ruby. Somehow
I began to feel riled. I m not often taken that way,
but this old scamp s persistent audacity and impu
dence went beyond anything I had ever heard of.
"What in thunder s the matter with you, son?"
he murmured, squinting hideously at the jewel.
"You prowl around like you had a pain." Then he
went right on :
"Say, did you ever see anything so corking fine ?"
He looked up, holding the ruby in the ligfyt. "And
to think how little I dreamed of scooping anything
like that when I came in here to-night!"
io8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
By Jove, this was a little too much, even for an
easy-going chap like myself! The jolly worm will
turn, you know.
Dash me, before I knew what I was doing even, I
had moved to his side and jerked the ruby from his
hand. My face felt like a hot-water bottle as I did it.
"You haven t got it yet," I said, "and I ll take
devilish good care you don t get it."
He fell back as though from a blow.
"Why why, old chap! Why, Lightnut!" he
gasped. "What s the matter what makes you look
at me like that?"
"Your liberties have gone just a bit too far, don t
you know," I said, looking steadily in his fishy old
eye. "I ve had enough of you, by Jove, that s all !"
He stared at me, and I could hear him breathing
like a blacksmith s bellows. I would never have
thought he had such lungs.
Slowly his hand came out, and dash me if it wasn t
shaking like he had the delirium what s-its-name.
But for his tan, his face would have been as white
as his hypocritical old whiskers.
"Is this some infernal joke?" His face summoned
a sickly smile that almost instantly faded. His hand
fell back to his side. "Why, old fellow, you don t
think that way about me, do you ? As for the ruby,
I I don t want it now I just want you to accept
my apology for anything I ve done, and and let me
get away."
There was a short laugh from the doorway.
IRON NERVE 109
"Likely enough," said Officer O Keefe, his big
figure swinging forward with long strides. "Keep
him covered, Tim!"
He planted himself between us with a grin.
"You re it again, Foxy! Jig s up. Will you go
quietly?"
It did me good to see how completely the old
scoundrel was taken back. His wide distended bleary
eyes shifted from O Keefe to me and back again.
It was a perfect surprise.
I motioned to Jenkins to close the door of my
friend s bedroom. So far, he had evidently slept
serenely through all the trouble, and, if possible, I
wanted to avoid arousing him now. For a fat man,
Billings had the deuce of a temper when stirred up
over anything like an imposition upon him, and it
would only add to the confusion for him to appear
on the scene and learn about his wallet and his treas
ured ruby that I had rescued.
Foxy Grandpa s face had been rapidly undergoing
a change. From pallor to pink it went; and then
from pink to red. Now it was becoming scarlet. He
threw his head back and faced me angrily.
"Lightnut, will you tell me what the hell this
means ?" And his heavy voice thundered.
"Here! Here! That ll be enough o that," cried
Officer O Keefe sharply. "None of your grandstand
play here, or it ll be the worse for you. And no
tricks, Braxton, or "
He clutched his stick menacingly.
no THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Braxton!" snorted the old fellow. "Why, you
born fool, my name s not Braxton !"
"Not now," grinned O Keefe. "Say, what is your
name now, Foxy?"
"My name " roared Foxy Grandpa, and paused
abruptly. He looked rather blankly from one officer
to the other.
"See here; do I understand I m under arrest?" he
inquired.
"You certainly are talking, Foxy," chuckled
O Keefe.
"Then my name s Doe John Doe," and I thought
the fellow s quick glance at me held an appeal. Of
what sort, I had no idea.
"And what, may I ask, is the charge?" he asked
again, with what was apparently a great effort at
calmness.
"Oh, come now, Braxton," said the officer in a
tone of disgust, "stop your foolery ; you re just using
up time. Ain t it enough that you re in this build
ing and in this gentleman s rooms?"
"In his rooms!" exploded Foxy Grandpa. "Why,
you lunkhead, this gentleman will tell you I am his
guest !" He turned to me with a sort of angry laugh.
"Tell him, Lightnut," he rasped. "I ve had
enough of this!"
The big policeman s features expanded in a grin,
while Tim doubled forward an instant, his blue girth
wabbling with internal appreciation of the Foxy
one s facetiousness ; and the janitor snickered.
IRON NERVE in
Jenkins looked shocked. As for me, dash it, I
never so wished for my monocle, don t you know !
O Keefe s head angled a little to give me the bene
fit of a surreptitious wink.
"Oh, certainly," he said, his voice affecting a fine
sarcasm; "if the gentleman says you re his friend "
"He s no friend of mine," I proclaimed indig
nantly. "Never saw him before in my life."
Instead of being confounded, the artful old villain
fell back with a great air of astonishment and dis
may. By Jove, he managed to turn fairly purple.
"Wha-a-t s that?" he gasped stranglingly and
clutching at the collar of his pajamas. "Say that
again, Dicky."
I looked at him severely.
"Oh, I say, don t call me Dicky, either," I remon
strated quietly. "It s a name I only like to hear my
intimate friends use."
He kind of caught the back of a chair and glared
wildly at me from under his bushy wintry eye
brows. The beefy rolls of his lower jaw actually
trembled.
"Don t you haven t you always classed me as
that, Die er Lightnut?" he sort of whispered.
By Jove, the effrontery of such acting fairly dis
gusted me. I looked him over from head to foot
with measured contempt. "I don t know you at all,"
I said coldly, turning away.
"Ye gods!" he wheezed, clutching at his grizzled
hair.
CHAPTER XII
I SEND A MAN TO JAIL
THE two policemen shifted impatiently.
"That ll about do, Foxy," growled O Keefe.
"It s entertaining, but enough of a thing "
But the old duffer caught his sleeve.
"Wait!" he panted. "One second wait just
one second!"
He looked at Jenkins and ducked his neck for
ward, swallowing hard.
"Jenkins," he said with a sickly smile. "You
you see how it is with Lightnut poor fellow!
None of us ever thought he would go off that bad
though. But, as it is, I guess you re the one now
who will have to set me right with these people.
You ll have to stand for me."
Jenkins looked alarmed. He addressed the offi
cers eagerly :
"S help me," he cried, his glance impaling the
prisoner with scorn, "I never see this party before in
the ten years I been in New York!"
Did that settle the fellow? By Jove, not a bit;
his jolly nerve seemed inexhaustible !
He blinked a little; and then with a roar he
112
jumped for Jenkins, but O Keefe shoved him back.
Panting and struggling between the two officers, and
fairly at bay at last, the desperate old man seemed to
determine one last bluff, don t you know, and with
the janitor.
"Here, you," he bellowed, as the man dodged be
hind Jenkins. "You have seen me come in this
building often! Tell em so, or I ll kill you!"
The little man turned pale, but came up pluckily.
"If if I had," he stammered, "you never would
have come in again, if I knew as much about you as
I do now. I assure you, gents, I never laid eyes on
this man before."
"Well, I ll be"
He broke off and seemed to fall out of the grasp
of the men backward into a big chair. Couldn t quit
his jolly acting, it was clear to me, even when he had
played his last card.
"Is everybody crazy, or am I?" he said, brushing
his hand across his forehead; and dashed if the per
spiration didn t stand on it in big drops, clear up into
his old bald pate.
"See here," he broke out again, addressing
O Keefe, "send for somebody else in this building;
send for He seemed to deliberate.
The policeman laughed derisively.
"Likely we ll be hauling people out of bed at this
hour, isn t it," he sneered, "just to let you keep up
this fool s game !" He leveled his stick menacingly.
"Now, looky here, Braxton!" he exclaimed sternly.
ii 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"I m being easy with you because you re a gray-
headed old man, but "
By Jove, it was plain he had struck a sensitive
point !
"Gray-headed old man !" shouted the fellow, com
ing out of the chair like a rubber ball, and pointing
to his reflection in the long mirror. "Does that look
like gray hair that red topknot? It ll be gray,
though, if this infernal craziness goes on much
longer I ll say that much!" And back he flopped
into the chair.
The two officers exchanged glances, and, by Jove,
they looked ugly !
"Call for the wagon, Tim," said O Keefe shortly,
indicating the phone. "The fool s going to give
trouble. Kahoka Apartments, tell them. Hurry;
let s get him to the street."
He made a dive at the figure in the chair and
jerked him forward.
But his grip seemed to slip and he only moved his
prisoner a few inches. He tried again with about
the same result.
"Get a move on, Tim," he said pantingly. "He s
bigger, somehow, than he looks, and awful heavy;
it ll take both of us. Get up, Braxton, unless you
want the club!"
The man settled solidly in the depths of the chair.
"Club and be hanged !" he replied with a snap of
his jaw. "I won t go in any dirty police wagon
I SEND A MAN TO JAIL 115
that s flat ! You may take me in a hearse first. Get
a cab or a taxi, if I have to go with you !"
"Gamey old sport, anyhow, by Jove!" I thought
with sudden admiration. Couldn t help it, dash it!
Heart just went out to him, somehow.
I gently interposed as O Keefe prepared to lunge
again.
Til stand the cab for him, officer," I said with a
smile, "if your rules, don t you know, or whatever
it is, will allow."
I added in a lowered voice :
"Makes it devilish easier for you, don t you know,
and avoids such a jolly row. And er I want to
ask you and your friend to accept from me a little
token of my appreciation."
The policeman exchanged a glance with Tim and
considered.
"Well, sir," he said, "as to the cab, of course if
you re a mind to want to do that, it s your own af
fair."
He turned to his companion.
"Just cancel that, Tim," he directed. "Call a
four-wheeler."
"Thank you, Lightnut," put in the old man grate
fully. "You have got a grain of decency left, by
George, after all !"
Meantime, Jenkins was answering my inquiry.
"I don t believe, sir, you have a bit of cash in the
house. You told me so when you were retiring."
n6 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
By Jove, I remembered now ! The poker game in
the evening!
I was wondering whether they could use a check,
when I spied Billings wallet on the table.
The very thing, by Jove !
Examination showed, first thing, a wad of yellow
backs, fresh from the bank. I peeled off two and
pushed them into the officer s hand.
"This belongs to a friend of mine," I remarked ;
"but it s just the same as my own, don t you know,
and he won t mind. Dash it, we re just like
brothers !"
A howl of maniacal laughter from the old fool in
the chair startled us both.
"Regular Damon and Pythias, damn it!" he gab
bled, grinning with hideous face contortions. "One
for all, and all for one! And just help yourself;
don t mind me. Why hell!"
O Keefe prodded him sharply in the shoulder
with his night stick.
"Stop your skylarking now, Foxy," he admon
ished angrily, "and come on. Here the gentleman s
gone and put up his money for a cab for you and
you ought to want to get out of his way so he can
rest."
"He s sure been kind to you," supplemented Tim,
whose eye had noted the passing of the yellow boys.
"Kind !" mocked the old geezer, showing his scat
tered teeth in a horrible grin. "Why, he s a lu-lu, a
regular Samaritan!"
I SEND A MAN TO JAIL 117
"No names!" warned O Keefe, slightly lifting his
night stick. "Come on to the street you seem to
forget you re under arrest."
He added hastily :
"And I ought to have warned you that anything
you may say, Foxy "
"Oh, you go to Brooklyn !" snarled Fox ; . "For
two pins I d knock your block off, you fat-headed
Irish fool ! Think I m going down to the sidewalk
without my clothes?"
"Are your clothes somewhere in this building?"
I asked with some sympathy.
He whirled on me sneeringly and jeered like a
jolly screech owl :
"Oh, no ; not exactly in the building they re on
the flagpole on the roof, of course! He-he-he!
Bloody good joke, isn t it?"
I sat on the edge of the table wearily ; and, catch
ing the policeman s eye, shrugged my shoulders sig
nificantly.
"You re right, sir," he said apologetically. "We
won t fool a second longer. Here, you take that
side, Tim. Let s pull !"
And they did pull, but, by Jove, they couldn t raise
him.
"Queerest go I ever see," Tim gasped. "He ain t
holding on to nothing, is he? And, O Keefe, he
feels big!"
"Pshaw, it s not that," the other panted ; "it s just
the way he s sitting. Why, you can see he ain t so
n8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
very big." He nodded to Jenkins and the janitor.
"Here, you two ! Help us, can t you ?"
And with one mighty, united heave, they brought
the loudly protesting old man to his feet and held
him there. O Keefe faced me.
"Might be well to take a look around, sir, and see
if you think of anything else he s stolen, before we
take him off."
"Good idea, Lightnut!" Old Braxton stopped
struggling and whirled his head toward me, his face
almost black with rage. "Ha, ha! Why don t you
have me searched? There s not a pocket in these
damn pajamas !"
"Anything whatever, sir, we ll have him leave be
hind," said O Keefe.
"By Jove !" I don t know how I ever managed to
say it. Fact is, things had just suddenly spun round
before me like a merry what s-its-name. For I did
recognize something! The old fellow s unabashed
reference to pajamas was what brought it to my at
tention.
"Ha!" O Keefe nodded. "There is something!
Just say the word, sir."
I looked helplessly at Jenkins, and then I saw that
of a sudden he recognized them, too. His eyes
rolled at me understandingly.
"What is it, sir?" demanded O Keefe respect
fully. "The law requires
I swallowed hard. "It it s the pajamas," I said
faintly.
I SEND A MAN TO JAIL 119
The old rascal uttered a roar and tried to get at
me.
"You cold-blooded scoundrel!" he bellowed. "So
this is why
But here a jab of the night stick took him in the
side with a sound like a blow on a punching bag.
Words left the old man and he gasped desperately
for breath. O Keefe tried to shake him.
"Did you get those pajamas in here?" he de
manded fiercely, and he drew back his stick as
though for another jab. But the old geezer nodded
quickly, glaring at me and trying to wheeze some
thing.
"That s enough," said the officer. He turned to
me. "You recognize them, do you, sir?"
"I I think so," I stammered, looking at Jenkins,
who nodded. "They belong to a friend of mine who
a must have left them here."
"I see." He fished out a note-book. "Mind giv
ing me the name, sir? Just a matter of form, you
know He licked his pencil expectantly.
"Oh, I say, you know " I gasped at Jenkins. "I
don t think she I"
"Certainly not, sir," affirmed Jenkins, solemnly
looking upward.
"She?" The note-book slowly closed, then with
the pencil went back into the officer s pocket. "Ex
cuse me, sir. H m!"
"H m!" echoed Tim apologetically. Then they
both glared at Foxy.
120 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
The old man just snarled at them. He was like
a dog at bay.
"All right!" he hissed. "You just try to take
them off I ll kill somebody, that s all. Think I m
going to make a spectacle of myself?"
Jenkins whispered to me.
"To be sure," I said aloud. "He might as well
wear them now to the station. Just so he returns
them when he gets his clothes."
"Very good, sir," said O Keefe, relieved. "We ll
see he does that. Come along now, Braxton shut
up, I tell you !"
And with all four of them behind the charge, they
managed to rush the loudly protesting old man to
the door.
"I zvon t go without my clothes, I tell you," he
raged.
But he did. Fighting, swearing and protesting,
the jolly old vagabond was roughly bundled into the
elevator.
"Good night, sir," called O Keefe as the four of
them dropped downward. "We ll let you know if
it seems necessary to trouble you."
Once again inside, Jenkins and I just stared at
each other without a word, we were that tired and
disgusted. To me, the only dashed crumb of com
fort in the whole business was the wonderful fact
that Billings seemed to have slept like a jolly Rip
through the whole beastly row.
Very softly I opened his door again, so that the
I SEND A MAN TO JAIL 121
breeze flowed through once more. Jenkins put out
the lights, and I stood there listening, but could hear
no sound within the room, for the street below was
already heralding the clamor of the coming day.
Jenkins whisper brushed my ear as I moved
away:
"Sleeping like a baby, ain t he, sir?"
CHAPTER XIII
FRANCES
T) Y Jove, it seemed to me I had been asleep about
- a minute when I saw the sunlight splashing
through the blinds.
Jenkins stood beside me with something in his
hand.
"Didn t hear me, did you, sir?" he was asking. "I
said I thought the address looked like Mr. Billings
handwriting. And he s gone, sir."
"Gone?"
I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I had
a befogged notion that Jenkins looked a little queer.
"Yes, sir. He s not in his room, nor in the apart
ment anywhere."
"Eh how what s that ?" For Jenkins hand ex
tended an envelope.
"Perhaps you would like to read this now, sir."
It was from Billings I knew his fist in an in
stant. It was very short and without heading. In
fact, above his name appeared just a half-dozen pen
ciled words, heavily underscored, and without punc
tuation :
Damn you send me my clothes
122
FRANCES 123
"His clothes ?" I looked perplexedly at Jenkins.
He was looking a little pale and held his eyes fix
edly to the picture molding across the room. He
coughed gently.
"Yes, sir," he uttered faintly; "they re in his
room, but he ain t."
"By Jove !" I remarked helplessly. And just then
I remembered something that brought me wide
awake in an instant
I questioned eagerly:
"I say that desk lamp in there, Jenkins did you
switch it on in the night? And the doors I found
open know anything about them?" And Jenkins
blank expression was the reply.
"By Jove, Jenkins!" I gasped.
Jenkins compressed his lips. "Exactly, sir."
"Er what were you thinking, Jenkins?" I ques
tioned desperately. And I think Jenkins stolidity
wavered before my anxious face.
"It ain t for me to be thinking anything, sir be
sides, the messenger s waiting but His hand
sought his pocket.
He stepped back, leaving something on the stand
by my bed.
"What s that?" I questioned in alarm. "Another
note?"
"No, sir not exactly, sir. But if I may suggest
without offense, sir that you fill it out, I will see
that it gets to him."
124 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Him ? Who s him he, I mean ?"
"Doctor Splasher, sir, the temperance party I was
speaking of. I ve already filled out mine, and I m
going to put one in for Mr. Billings when I send the
clothes." From the doorway he turned a woebe
gone countenance toward me. "It s heartrending,
sir if I may be permitted to say so to think of a
nice gentleman like Mr. Billings wandering over to
the club with nothing on but red pajamas."
But when I telephoned they stated that Mr. Bil
lings had not been at the club since last evening.
Some one who answered the phone thought Mr.
Billings was with his friend, Mr. Lightnut, in the
Kahoka Apartments. And, of course, I knew jolly
well he was not.
As I turned from the telephone, something in
Jenkins expression arrested my attention.
"Well?" I said impatiently, for he has so many
devilishly clever inspirations, you know; and, dash
it, I like to encourage him.
"Pardon, sir, but don t you think " Here he
looked straight up at the electrolier and coughed.
"About Mr. Billings, sir ; I was going to suggest that
though he isn t over at the club, he s somewhere,
sir."
Why, dash it, I thought that jolly likely, myself!
I said so.
"Yes, sir," said Jenkins darkly. "And Mr. Bil
lings usually knows where he is. I guess, sir, he s
in this neighborhood h m!"
FRANCES 125
I just sat staring at him a minute, thinking what
a devilish wonderful thing intuition is for the lower
classes.
"By Jove, Jenkins!" I said; "then you think "
"I think Mr. Billings, sir, might prefer to find
himself h m! Yes, sir." Jenkins lifted the break
fast tray with deliberation, removed it from the
room, and returned, moving about the furniture and
busying himself with an air of mystery. Dash it,
I knew he had up his sleeve some other devilish
clever notion, and so presently I spoke up just to
touch him off.
"By Jove!" I remarked.
"Yes, sir." Jenkins rested the end of the crumb
brush on the table and considered me earnestly.
"You know, Mr. Lightnut, last night as Mr. Billings
was retiring, he says to me : Jenkins, Mr. Lightnut
has promised to go up home with me to-morrow for
the week end. There s a tenner coming your way if
he doesn t forget about it. He s to go to-morrow,
now, mind you, Jenkins; and it don t matter what
comes up. You see that he goes up to-morrow.
"By Jove !" I said as he paused, and I screwed my
monocle tighter and nodded. "I see."
Of course I didn t see, but I knew the poor fellow
was driving at something, and I wanted to give him
a run.
"Exactly, sir." And he stood waiting. "So, shall
I pack, sir? You ll want to take the four-ten ex
press, I suppose?"
126 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
By Jove, it was the most amazingly, dashed clever
guess I ever knew Jenkins to get off ! Fact ! I knew
that if there was one thing more than another in
all the world that I wanted to do, it was to take that
four-ten express. To think of seeing Frances again,
and to-day!
Of course, it was quite clear that Billings must
have anticipated the possibility of something un
usual, and that was why he had impressed a sort of
personal responsibility upon Jenkins kind of tip
ping him off, as it were, so he would be sure to see
that I got off in case he did not show up himself. It
was very easy to see this, especially as Jenkins saw
it that way, too, but what made it specially sc
awfully jolly easy to see was the fact that I wanted
to go, you know.
So I let Jenkins shoot a wire up to Billings, stat
ing my train, and I just had to chuckle as in my
mind s eye I saw old brazen face Jack coming down
to the station to meet me, and just ignoring his go
ing off in the middle of the night in my pajamas. By
Jove, perhaps he would bring her down to the train
in his car, so I would be sure not to ask him any
questions !
I left Jenkins to travel by a later train, and a little
after four I was whirling above Spuyten Duyvil
and looking about the chair-car to see if there was
any one I knew. But, by Jove, there was hardly a
soul in the car nobody except just women, you 1
know, and these filled the whole place. And they
FRANCES 127
were talking about all sorts of dashed silly things.
Most of them were devilish pretty as the word goes,
but, of course, not a patch on her. Oh, well, of
course, they couldn t be that ! Don t know how they
were behind me, you know too much trouble to
turn round and fix my glass. So I just took the
range in front, looking at the tops of the hats and
the chairs and wondering if women would ever be
come extinct like that bird the great what s-its-
name, you know.
"By Jove, she could be spared !" I thought, study
ing a young woman who stood in the aisle beside me.
She was rather heavy set what you might call egg-
shaped. Her face and her heavy glasses seemed to
proclaim a mission in life, and the dowdyish cut of
her rig and the reckless way it was hurled on made it
plain that she was on to the fact that nature had
made a blunder in her sex, and she wanted the
world to know she knew.
She was talking to the lady immediately behind
me. At least, I discovered after five minutes that
she was talking. By Jove, up to that time, I thought
she was canvassing for a book! The other never
got in a word, don t you know. And I was getting
devilish tired of it and wishing she would move on,
when she shifted, preparatory to doing so, and raised
her voice :
"Very well, then, if you don t care to come, I
think I will go forward again and finish the discus
sion with Doctor Jennie Newman upon the meta-
128 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
morphoses of the primordial protoplasms. Watch
out for Tarrytown now, Frances."
Tarrytown ! Frances ! By Jove, my heart skipped
a beat !
The other murmured something.
Her voice! Her blessed, sweet voice, of which
every syllable, every shade, was indented in my
memory like the record of a what s-its-name ! By
Jove, my Frances, and right behind me !
All I could do to sit still a minute longer, but I
knew jolly well if I turned now I would be intro
duced to the freak and lose I couldn t tell how many
precious moments with my dear one. So I sat low
in the chair, polishing my monocle, you know, and
noting with satisfaction that my part reflected all
right in the little strip of mirror. I tried to get
a glimpse of her in it, too, but all I could see was a
glorious white hat a stunning Neapolitan, flanked
with a sheaf of wild ostrich plumes.
And then the freak left. I watched her spraddle
down the aisle and out through the little corridor
before I dared risk the accident of a backward turn
of that funny green hat.
Then, when all was safe, I took a deep breath,
gripped hard the arms of the chair, and whirled
suddenly around.
"Frances!" I whispered. "My darling!"
CHAPTER XIV
"YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK"
!" she gasped faintly.
That was all she said at first, her big blue
eyes wide distended, her white-gloved wrists curv
ing above the chair-arms as though to rise. Easy to
see she was completely floored at seeing me.
And as it was her move, I just sat kind of grin
ning, you know, and holding her tight with my mon
ocle.
Then her mouth twitched a bit; next her head
went up and I heard again that delicious birdlike
carol of a laugh. Her eyes came to rest upon the hat
in my hand. I had slipped my Harvard band around
it, remembering the admiration she had expressed
for our colors.
"Oh !" she said again, and she looked at me hesi
tatingly. "Mr. Jones, is it not or is it -"
I chuckled. "Mr. Smith, you know," I said.
"Mr. Smith, of course."
And then I just went on chuckling, for I thought
it so devilish clever of her, so humorous. And just
then I thought of a dashed good repartee :
"Months so many months, you know, since we
129
i 3 o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
met!" And I thought it delightful the way she
puckered her lovely little forehead and looked me
over. But she just looked so devilish enticing, I
couldn t keep it up myself. I leaned nearer and spoke
behind my hat, trying to look the love I felt.
"Didn t expect to see me, did you ?"
She looked at me oddly and bit her lip. But her
eyes were dancing and the delicious dimple in her
cheek twitched on the verge of laughter. She
shook her head.
"Indeed I did not." And again came that odd
look in her face as though she were studying, kind of
balking, don t you know. By Jove, she was per
fectly dazzling !
"My dearest!" slipped softly from me as I held
the hat.
She stared. Then once more that canary peal of
merriment.
"Oh, dear!" Then her face sobered and she al
most pouted. "Now you mustn t please, recdly
it gets so tiresome. Don t you American, or rather,
you Harvard men, ever talk anything to a girl but
love? Why, it s absurd." She smiled, but her
lashes dropped reproof. By Jove, I was taken back
a little! Evidently she was piqued with me about
something, but what the devil was it? And then I
thought I had it.
I slipped nearer to the edge of the chair.
"I didn t know you were in town to-day pon
honor, I didn t. Billings never said a word about
YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK 131
it," I explained. "Why, clash it, I would have given
anything to have known."
She looked at me with a queer little smile, stroked
her little lip with the point of one gloved finger and
looked across the river at the Palisades. Dash the
Palisades ! Never could see any sense in them, any
how!
"Oh, thank you, but Elizabeth and I didn t know
ourselves until last evening that we would make the
New York trip. She wanted to hear a suffragette
lecture at the Carnegie, and I had some shopping to
do."
And she just gave me one of those calm, self-con
tained, thoroughbred sort of smiles that are harder
to get past than a six-foot hedge. What the deuce
was the matter with the girl? Something had
changed her; yet I knew that nothing could really
change her at heart never.
But it was certain that she was put out about
something. I would just have to play her easy and
try to find out what it was. I remembered hearing
Pugsley say and he has had no end of experience
with them that when women are put out they ex
pect you to find out what it is, no matter how devil
ishly improbable or unreasonable it may be.
And just then I remembered another clever idea
of Pugsley s what he said was a corking good way
of diverting their minds.
"I say, you know," I said suddenly and though
I threw a whole lot of enthusiasm into my. face in
1 32 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
carrying out his idea, I didn t have to try very hard
"I think that s a ripping gown. White is ever so
much more your style than than "
By Jove, I swallowed just in time! But it had
roused her. I could see her brighten.
"Oh !" she said. "Let me see what is it you re
member?" And she kind of muttered, "Perhaps I
can tell from that "
She paused expectantly.
"Oh, I say, you know!" And I twirled the hat,
feeling a bit rattled. Why the deuce did she want
to rub it in?
"But I want you to tell me." Her beautiful eyes
were teasing.
"You know in black." I twirled the hat faster.
"Black!" She stared, her exquisite lips standing
apart like the two petals of a rose. "Why, I never
wore black in my life. You know you never saw
me in black."
I felt hurt. I couldn t blame her for wanting to
appear to forget about it, but still
She must have seen my face fall, for I know, by
Jove, I could just feel it kind of collapse, I was that
hurt and disappointed. Her face softened kindly
and I took courage, for my devilishly alert mind just
then hit upon another explanation. I recalled that
she had thoughtlessly left the pajamas in my rooms.
I also realized with dismay that Foxy Grandpa had
promised, or rather the officers had promised for
YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK 133
him, that they should be returned promptly. And,
by Jove, I had forgotten all about them !
"Never mind," I said, thinking aloud, as I fre
quently do. "I ll telephone about them as soon as we
get to Wolhurst." Then a terrible shock struck me.
"Oh, I say, you didn t have your name on them, did
you?"
"On what?" How kindly, even if quizzically, she
was regarding me! The big white hat shifted an
inch or two nearer. I realized with joy that she was
beginning to forget about being put out with me.
"Why " I looked about cautiously and dropped
my voice, though it was not likely any one could
hear above the quiver of the train. "Why, in your
black pajamas you left in my rooms."
A kind of little gasp was all I heard, and then she
was on her feet and looking not at me, but above
my head looking away off down the length of the
car. Somehow why, I couldn t understand I had
a wierd, horrible feeling of abasement, as though I
had killed a child, or had done some other dashed
unreasonable thing like that. Her face had flushed
but now was deadly white. And then, by Jove, I
saw she was looking for another chair.
I jumped up at once and moved into the aisle.
"I m so sorry," I said miserably, "so sorry, dear,
I hurt you. I didn t mean ever to speak of the paja
mas. I knew you wanted to forget about the other
night, and I knew you wanted me to forget, too "
I 3 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Oh, please " She shrank back, her beautiful
eyes like those of a frightened deer. But it was the
last car, and I blocked the aisle. I didn t realize at
the time that I was doing it. It came to me after
ward, and was one of the things I kicked myself
about for hours, more or less. Just at the moment I
was so dashed wild about setting myself right with
her. The only other thing I had presence of mind
to remember was the nearness about us of a lot of
beady-eyed cats, and so I drew nearer and lowered
my voice so none could hear. For I had another
feeling of inspiration as to what really was the mat
ter with her !
Matter! I should say, rather! She was begin
ning to look angry splendidly angry her eyes
just blazing blue fire. I knew I would have to get in
my explanation quickly, and what s more, if what
Pugsley thought was true, I would have to hit the
jolly nail on the head or else everything was off,
you know.
"Why, Frances sweetheart," I pleaded softly-
just loud enough for her to hear above the train, "I
know you are put out with me because you found me
gone the next morning, but honestly, dear, I acted
for the best indeed, I did." And to be on the safe
side, I profited by another inspiration : "And, my
darling girl, I ll never mention the pajamas and
the other night never any more as long as we
live, nor the cigarettes nor cigars nor whisky. Why,
I don t care if you "
YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK 135
"Tarrytown all out for Tarrytown!" came in a
high tenor voice from the end of the car, and some
thing bowled down the aisle and brushed me aside.
It was the frump.
"Come on, Frances !" she exclaimed sharply ; "our
station." Next instant they were streaking it for
the door, with me a good second. I saw Frances
look behind once with oh, such a look! Dashed if
it didn t shrivel me, you know that sort. And, by
Jove, I knew Pugsley was right, and that I had
failed to put the ball over !
I was not six feet behind as they scrambled
/through the station to the other side where a large
car stood panting. I saw Frances clutch the frump s
arm and whisper something, and I heard the frump s
reply, for her voice was loud and strongly mas-
culine.
"Crazy?" she rasped. "Nonsense! Drunk, more
/likely. Most of them are half the time."
I didn t have time to see what she referred to, for
just then we reached the side of the car. I didn t see
a thing of Billings, but the chauffeur jumped to the
ground and received the ladies and their bags. He
seemed to me devilish familiar, too. By Jove, the
way he held my darling s hand was the most in
fernally audacious, outrageous thing I ever beheld!
I should have liked to punch his head. He helped
them into the tonneau and was so busy with his silly
jackass chatter that he closed the door before he
turned and saw me. I was just standing there, lean-
136 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
ing a little forward with my cane, you know, and
fixing my monocle reproachfully on Frances try
ing to get her eye.
And then, by jove, I felt a blow on my shoulder
that almost bowled me over, for I had my legs
crossed, you know.
"Well, I ll be hanged it s Dicky!" And he was
grinning at me like a what s-its-name cat. And with
the grin I recognized him. It was the fresh young
fool who had been so devilish familiar at the pier
the morning Frances left.
Then he banged me again, dash it, and tried to
get my hand, but I put it behind me. But he did get
my arm, and he turned toward the car. His voice
dropped.
"See here, I want you to meet Eh?" He broke
off, staring at the frump, who was making signs
with her eyes, frowning and beckoning him with her
green flower-pot. He left me, murmuring some
thing, and stepped to the running-board. I could
see the flower-pot bobbing about energetically and
twice Frances nodded, it seemed to me reluctantly.
"Crazy drunk? Pshaw, you re batty!" he said
to the frump rudely. Then I heard another mur
mur and his harsh voice rose again : "Yes Light-
nut, I tell you Dicky Lightnut. Yes Jack Bil
lings great friend. You just wait till he s back
from the city, and if he don t get upon his hind
Eh, what? His name is Smith? Rats!"
All this time I was just standing there, trying to
YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK 137
catch Frances eye. I felt sure if I could catch her
eye she would see how devilish sorry I was. I
moved back a few feet, for, dash it, without a sign
from her, I had no idea now, of course, of consid
ering myself as one of the party. Not finding Bil
lings with the car, and the information I caught that
he was still in the city, just left me high and dry, you
know.
"All right, Miss Smarty," the yellow-topped
chauffeur rasped, addressing the frump, "I ll just
show you!"
He turned about and jerked his head.
"Oh, Dicky ! Here, just a minute, old chap will
you?"
Of course I took no notice of him whatever. In
fact I looked in the other direction.
"Lightnut!" he called. I just stared up at the
castle on the hill. I felt devilish annoyed, though.
I recalled a conversation the other day at the club in
which Van Dyne remarked that the intimacy af
fected now by chauffeurs was growing insufferable.
Declared his man had asked him for a light that
morning.
The fellow stared a little; then he came toward
me, smirking in a jocular, impertinent way.
"Say, stop your kidding, old man," he muttered ;
"girls have no sense of humor, you know. Come
along I ve just been telling them you are my best
friend."
I stole another look at the car, but Frances
138 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
avoided me; so I came to a decision. I turned
shortly on the driver.
"See here now, my good fellow," I said sharply,
"you stop subjecting those ladies to annoyance.
Drive on, or I ll report you to my friends."
He stared seemed to be trying to stare me out of
countenance, in fact. Then the grin slowly faded.
"Why, Dicky!" he exclaimed in an aggrieved
tone, "don t you remember me don t you know
me?"
"I certainly do not," I answered with decision. I
felt my face getting red with vexation. "And what s
more, my name is not Dicky.
His hand slowly swept his chin and he whistled.
"Wha Well, I ll be jiggered!" He whirled
toward the car.
"On me, this time, I guess! You re right!"
Then his face clouded and he moved down upon
me.
"Here, you get along now about your business,
whoever you are!" His hand waved as though
sweeping me away. "I ve a mind to kick you for
annoying that young lady."
He looked toward Frances and I could see he was
showing off. But I thought she looked a bit dis
gusted. As for the frump, she suddenly opened the
door, stepped down and then up again, but this time
behind the steering wheel.
"If you don t come on, I m going," she said
quietly.
YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK 139
"Just a minute," he said, scowling back at her. He
faced me.
"Look here, if I hit you once" he leveled his
finger "well, they ll have to pick you up with a
sponge, that s all !"
But, except for fixing my glass for a better study
of Frances, I never moved. Didn t occur to me as
necessary, you know, until she should drive off.
Just stood leaning on my cane and with feet crossed,
you know, in the way I had long ago found was the
least exhausting, if one has to stand at all. But, by
Jove, the fellow was right in my face now, almost !
Devilish annoying!
"Did you hear me, you glass-eyed fool?" he
barked in my ear. "You masher! By George, I ll
mash you !"
And he looked at Frances again and laughed, but
she was looking away off up at the big stone castle
on the Pocantico Hills behind. And I just reveled in
her glorious profile, splashed bright by the golden
sunshine reflected from the Tappan Zee opposite.
Incidentally, I was trying in my mind the three arm
movements that must be made as one, and for
which, to learn, I had paid the great master, Galliard
of Paris, a thousand francs in gold.
The car began to edge away.
"All right coming!" he yelled; and then he
launched his blow. But so rapid instantaneous, in
fact are the famous three movements of the great
scientist, I don t remember that my eye even shifted
1 40 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
its grip upon the monocle. Therefore, as I came
back into the same position again as his shoulder
hit the ground, I was in time to catch my darling s
eye at last just as they curved. And, by Jove, she
looked amused and pleased.
As for the frump, she frankly and harshly
laughed, and then moved up a speed, just as a south
bound express took the station.
And I swung aboard it, back for little old New
York. Didn t see what the chauffeur did. Wasn t
interested, you know, about that.
CHAPTER XV
BILLINGS SYMPTOMS ALARM ME
"A /TOST infernal outrage of the century, I tell
-**-* you!" Billings stormed. For an hour I had
sat there in my rooms, limp and bewildered under
the tempest of his wrath. The wild and incoherent
sputter over the phone that Jenkins reported upon
my return had sent me on a hunt for my friend. I
had found him sullenly dining alone over at the club,
and as soon as I entered he started to bolt from the
room. Only through the greatest pleading had I
managed to coax him back to my chambers, hoping
I might screw out of him some explanation.
I had received it, by Jove!
Of course, I recognized it all as impossible and
crazy, you know, but when I said so to Billings his
remarks were so violent, and he turned such a dan
gerous apoplectic purple, dashed if I didn t renege.
"But then the old man, you know!" I protested
weakly.
Billings leveled his big arm at me, mouthing
wordlessly for a minute.
"That that ll do, about that old man !" he choked
at last. "Not not another word about him !" And
141
1 42 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
finally he collapsed into his seat from sheer ex
haustion. Just sat there panting and glaring at me
like a jolly bulldog.
Gradually he became calmer.
"Tell you what : the only thing that lets you out,
Dicky, is the way Van Dyne and Blakesley did, in
turn, when I got them there."
He spoke savagely, but I brightened a little.
"Oh!" I said. "Didn t they recognize you,
either?"
Billings snort made me jump.
"Recognize!" he bellowed. "They went back,
mad as hell !"
"By Jove !" I said soothingly.
"That s not all," continued Billings grimly. "I
was so sure it was a put-up job, some asinine, fool
joke, I wrote a cautious note to the governor. After
a lot of pleading, I got the fools to send it. He
came."
Billings paused dramatically.
"Oh, yes, he came!" he went on, fixing me with an
excited eye. "And when I staggered forward and
did the prodigal son act on his neck, he handed me a
punch that jolted off his silk tile. Went straight up
in the air with the whole bunch down there and con
tracted to do things for them that will keep him
active for a year. Threatened to have me sent up
for forgery this is my own father now, mind you
forgery of my own name! Huh!"
Billings strode to the end of the room and back.
ALARMING SYMPTOMS 143
Then he sat down again, beating with his foot upon
the floor.
"Say, has everybody gone crazy?" he demanded.
I didn t dare say a word, for I had my own
opinions, you know, and I knew it wouldn t do to
express them. Only excite him. Best way seemed
just to pretend to swallow it all, you know. Best
way always, Pugsley says, especially with best
friends.
"They were pretty nasty after that," Billings went
on gloomily; "and they wouldn t send for any one
else. Just had to sit there in that infernal bastile
with nothing on but pajamas and a pair of bedroom
slippers. Every once in a while somebody would
come and address me as Foxy, and want me to send
for my clothes or else send out and buy some. Fi
nally, a big brute came and threw me some dirty;
rags and said I d have to put on those or else buy
some others. Buy some, Dicky did you get that?-^>
buy some !"
"Devilish rude, / say," I commented indignantly.
"Who wants to wear bought clothes ? Why, dash it,
my tailor says
"Pshaw!" Billings whirled his fat head impa
tiently. "You miss the whole point, Dicky ! I didn t
have a cent of money; and what s more, I couldn t
get any." He paused. "See? Try to get that, Dicky
make an effort, old chap."
I did, but, dash it, it was such a rum idea very
oddest thing he had said and silly, you know.
I 4 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
Fancy any one not being able to send out and get
money! I just got to thinking what a jolly queer
idea it was and lost part of what Billings was saying
something about how he managed to get them to
send a note for his clothes. Here is what I did hear :
"And I had just got into the togs and stuffed the
rubies and pajamas out of sight in my pocket, when
the particular brigand who had charge of my coop
came back. He almost threw a fit when he saw me.
Where s Twenty-seven? he wanted to know. And
then, before I could say a word, he blustered up to
me with : And say, what business you got in here ?
Clear out ! And you bet I didn t lose a single golden
minute I cleared. You should have seen me beat
it down that corridor ! The fellow followed me a lit
tle, grumbling to himself. Then he called to a cop
who was just coming in: Say, O Keefe, run that
young fat freak out of here, will you? It s one of
that bunch of visitors that went through just now.
Fresh thing snooping into the cells !
"And so the same cop that brought me there the
very same was the one that shoved me out of the
door, warning me that I d best not go poking into
the prisoners cells again if I knew what was good
forme!"
"By Jove !" I ventured sympathetically.
Billings nodded. "Of course, I knew it was a
semi-lucid interval with them all, but for all I knew
it might pass any instant and some bat discover I
was a Dutch scrubwoman escaped from Hoboken.
ALARMING SYMPTOMS 145
So I broke for the first taxi and hit it up for the
club."
Billings took a deep breath and went on :
"By George," he said, laughing nervously. "I
felt like a dog with a can to its tail hunting for a
place to hide. Every time a fellow looked at me I
had heart failure until he called me by my own name.
Bribed Eugene to lie about my whereabouts until
his face hurt and then I went to bed. Sneaked out
of my hole this evening to get a bite of something,
and then you ran me down.
"And Dicky" Billings finished excitedly "I
was sure you had come to drag me back to my dun
geon, and I looked behind you, fully expecting to
see those two Irish pirates. If I had, I should have
swooned in my soup, that s all !"
I murmured my sympathy. And, by Jove, I cer
tainly did have a heartache about him, but of course
I couldn t tell him why. I was getting him quieted
I could see that and he was so far mollified as to
help himself to a cigar. When he had clipped a V
from the end with hiss knife, he leaned over and
tapped me impressively on the knee with the blade.
"And just think, Dicky," he said, absently em
phasizing with the sharp point of the knife, "there
I sat, moneyless not even a dime, you know in
a suit of pajamas whose three buttons were worth
one hundred and fifty thousand dollars !"
He fell back, his fat arms eloquently outspreading.
"Can you beat it?" he demanded.
I 4 6 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
I rubbed my palm on my knee and considered.
Privately, I thought I could beat it by Jove, I
was sure I could ! I knew of a pair of pajamas
worth a dashed sight more than money. And I won
dered gloomily where they were. I had telephoned
as soon as I stepped out at the Grand Central Sta
tion, and after a bit made them understand who I
was and reminded them that the black pajamas had
not been returned according to promise. And then
they told me Foxy Grandpa had escaped, but as he
had nothing else on, they felt sure of rounding him
up as soon as he came out of his hiding-place
probably after dark.
"By the way, old chap," puffed Billings, his poise
and good humor improving under the spell of the
cigar, "I was sorry to return the pajamas torn and
dusty and wrinkled as they were. But you see, on
account of the rubies, I was leary about having them
pressed or fussed over. So I wrapped and sealed
them myself, just as one does a jewel package. Got
them, did you?"
I stared at Billings through my glass.
"Didn t you get them?" he questioned in alarm.
"Yes, yes it s all right, old chap," I said hastily
and as pleasantly as I could. "Eugene delivered the
box to Jenkins and I opened it myself. Thought it
was h m thought it was something else." Then
I proceeded soothingly : "But you re just a little
mistaken about the dust and wrinkles, old chap
and about them being torn. Ha, ha ! Good joke !"
ALARMING SYMPTOMS 147
But Billings face was unresponsive.
"Why, you goop," he said with cheerful contempt,
"there s a triangular tear in the back of the coat you
could stick your head through; and one of the
sleeves is in ribbons."
I just opened the drawer of the table and took out
the box glove box, I think it was containing the
pajamas. I had read something somewhere about
the clearing effect the reaction, and that sort of
thing, produced sometimes by a shock.
"See for yourself, old chap," I said gently. And
I lifted out the gossamer fabrics and again spread
their crimson glory under the lamp. Billings exam
ined them eagerly, but just looked confounded.
"Don t understand it," he said, biting his nails.
"Why, hang it, they look smooth, too, as though
never worn. And the rubies are all right, too."
He rested his chin upon his hands and gloomed at
the red sweep.
I caught a few sentences of his mumbling.
"By George, I m half a mind to think there s
something in the pajamas," he muttered "some
thing uncanny and disagreeable something they re
alive with!"
I sprang up and back, overturning my chair.
"Good heavens oh, I say!" I exclaimed in con
sternation, as I fixed my glass on the garments. "It s
your jail, then, you know
His hand checked my reach to the bell push.
"Don t be any more kinds of an ass than you can
i 4 8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
help, Dicky/ he said with rude irritability. "I m
talking about something else ; and I haven t got any
jail, dammit! A station house isn t exactly a jail!"
He reached for another cigar and went off into a
brown study, wrapping himself in clouds of smoke.
I thought that maybe if I kept quite still he might
come to himself all right. Meantime, for want of
something to do, and to keep from getting so devil
ish sleepy, I fell to turning over the pajamas, admir
ing their beauty and daintiness and kind of half-
daringly wondering how she would
And suddenly I made a discovery; and I forgot
about keeping still.
"By Jove, Billings!" I exclaimed excitedly.
"Here s something inside the collar some sort of
jolly writing!"
"What s that ?" said Billings sharply. He jerked
the garment from my hand and held it in the light.
All round the circle within the collar band ran four
or five darker red lines of queer little crisscross
characters.
"Chinese laundry marks, you idiot," he com
mented carelessly. And then he ducked his head
closer with a quick intake of breath.
"By George, Dicky!" he cried, his voice tremulous
with some excitement. "Can t be that either; it s
woven in awfully fine, neat job, too. Now, what
do you suppose
He broke off wonderingly.
CHAPTER XVI
AN INSCRIPTION AND A MYSTERY
"OILLINGS rubbed his chin perplexedly.
^-* "By jigger, now, I wonder what those hen
tracks mean ?" he uttered musingly. Then he looked
up at me with sudden animation in his face.
"Look here, Dicky," he exclaimed, "do you hap
pen to know Doozenberry ?"
I tried to remember. I shut one eye and studied
the marks closely through my glass, but had to shake
my head at last.
"Sorry, old chap; don t seem to remember it at
all if I ever did not a dashed glimmer of it left."
I yawned. "Never tried to keep any of those college
things, you know."
Billings, who had been staring, uttered a rude
comment.
"It s not a language, you cuckoo," he snapped;
"it s a man. He s a D.S. distinguished scientist,
you know. What s more, he s one of your neigh
bors, right in this building."
"Don t know him," I said a little stiffly. "What s
his club?"
Billings all but gnashed his teeth.
149
150 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Club, thunder!" he jerked out impatiently.
"Why, man, he s a member of all the great societies
of the world bodies whose rank and exclusiveness
put the blink on all the clubs you or I ever saw. Got
a string of letters after his name like a universal
keyboard, and is the main squeeze, the great scream,
among all the scientific push over here and in Eu
rope. Lots of dough, but off his trolley with learn
ing."
"And in this building?" I said wonderingly.
"What s he like?"
For a moment I had a thought of Foxy Grandpa,
but the janitor had said he did not belong in the
building. Besides, Billings next words removed
that clue to the lost pajamas. By Jove, how I did
long to ask his advice about them ! Once I was on
the point of doing so had devilish narrow escape,
in fact but pulled up on the brink. So deuced hard
to remember that anything so delicate and sweet and
fetching could be Billings sister, you know. I had
been wondering for an hour whether I had better
say anything about my adventure up at Tarrytown
wondered if she would like me to.
"Here, you moon calf, wake up!" Billings coarse
voice brought me back to the present, and I had to
blink and pretend I was listening. "I m telling you
about Doozenberry ! I say you surely must have seen
him you couldn t miss him in a black cave. Queer-
looking old skate, tall as a street lamp and as thin ;
AN INSCRIPTION AND A MYSTERY 151
looks like a long cylinder of black broadcloth. So
dignified it hurts him.
I reflected.
"Awfully large head," continued Billings, elevat
ing his hands some two feet apart, "pear-shaped af
fair big end up bumps on it like halves of grape
fruit, porcupine eyebrows, and "
"Oh, I know," I said, nodding eagerly; "and a
little, shriveled well, kind of mashed sort of face,
-eyes beadlike and jolly small. I ve got him now!
I ve gone down with him in the elevator."
Billings nodded. "You ve got him painted," he
said drily. "That s the professor; only, his eyes are
anything but jolly. I ve ridden in the elevator with
him myself. Always manages to look like he was
traveling with a bad smell !"
"Devilish sensitive, I dare say."
Billings looked at me suspiciously, but I had got
taold of the thing I was trying to recollect arid I went
on quickly :
"By Jove, you know, I believe Jenkins knows his
man fellow who butlers, and, I believe, cooks, for
him. He and Jenkins belong to the same how do
they call it? same club of gentlemen s gentlemen."
Billings brought his fist down. "Let s have Jen
kins in," he suggested. And we did.
"I say, Jenkins," I began, "this-Professor Doodle
bug above us "
"Doozenberry !" Billings sharply corrected.
.152 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Well, some jolly rum thing about him, don t you
know, Jenkins something you said his man told
you remember, eh?"
Jenkins eyes batted a little.
He cleared his throat. "Why, yes, sir ; he told me
a lot of funny things one night, sir. Don t suppose
he would have done it, only him and me had an even
ing off and we we "
Jenkins seemed to hesitate.
"And you went on a bat together," suggested
Billings, rubbing his hands pleasantly.
"It was, sir," Jenkins admitted, looking at me
sadly. "Leastways, he sort o loosened up as he got
-got"
"Pickled," Billings helped smoothly.
"Quite so, sir; there s some is that way always;
some is taken other ways." Jenkins considered Bill
ings moodily. "The power of the demon rum, sir."
"Ah, true!" sighed Billings, lifting his eyes.
"This here chap, he got to going on and all but
crying about his cursed hard fate them s his own
words, sir his cursed hard fate in having to drink
water all the time and eat cow feed "
"Eat what?"
"I don t know, sir that s what he called it
something the perfesser has him fix out of cereals
and nuts and sour milk. That s all they have, sir:
and they don t have no cooking, for the perfesser
says it breaks the celluloid "
"Cellular," corrected Billings.
AN INSCRIPTION AND A MYSTERY 153
"Maybe so, sir," demurred Jenkins. "He said
celluloid the celluloid tissue papers, he called it.
And then his having no heat on all winter and the
windows kept open all the time and the snow piling
up on his bed at night kept him with colds all the
year. And then, there was the dampness
"That s it, the dampness!" I exclaimed. "Tell
him."
"Why, sir, he told me that every night he had to
turn down the perfesser s bed and go all over it with
a two-gallon watering can
"Watering can !" gasped Billings.
"I m telling you what he says, sir. Then he covers
it all up again, and in about a half-hour the per-
fesser turns the covers down; and if it s what he
calls fine that is, damp all over he climbs in and
sleeps like a top."
"Cold-water bug, you know," I explained, but
Billings shrugged his shoulders.
"That s all right. Bug or not, he s the goods, all
the same. Greatest ever." He spoke with quiet con
viction.
He deliberated a moment and turned to me.
"Tell you what, Dicky: I m going up and ask
him down. He s the one to give us the right dope
on these crazy letters Eh, what you say, Jenkins?"
"Beg pardon, sir; I was saying that the perfesser
don t visit nobody; and he never sees nobody but
the big lit ry and scientific sharps."
"Oh, he don t eh?" Billings snorted contemptu-
i 5 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
ously. "Well, Jenkins, I haven t been a prize fisher
man in my time for nothing ; I gtiess I know how to
select my fly. I know what will fetch him : Mr,
Lightnut s compliments, and will he be pleased to
honor him by passing upon an Oriental curio of rare
scientific interest? that sort of merry rot! Why,
you couldn t hold him back with a block and tackle.
Oh, you needn t worry; I ll do the proper curves
all right." He turned toward the door. "And, Jen
kins, you come along and work me into the lodge."
"Oh, but dash it," I protested nervously, "he won t
come he ll be insulted. Why, he ll know as soon as
he sees you that you couldn t
I checked myself, recalling that the best thing
after his recent exhibition was to avoid every con
tradiction. And then, by Jove, I knew that if he
became ill and had to go to a hospital or somewhere,
it would be all off with his taking me up to Wolhurst
next day.
Billings grinned confidently. "Watch me bring
him down here," he said.
And by Jove, he did !
CHAPTER XVII
THE PROFESSOR
T)ILLINGS ushered in the professor with a flour-
-L ishing introduction.
The great man never spoke, but gave me the end
of one finger, and devilish grudgingly at that. He
just came to anchor and stood there very straight
and stiff, ignoring the chairs thrust toward him from
every point. One hand was stuck in his stiff broad
cloth bosom, with elbow pointing outward, and his
great topheavy head reared above us impressively.
Billings rubbed his hands and bowed and smirked.
"Lovely weather we are having for summer, don t
you think, Professor? Jenkins, a chair for the pro
fessor."
He was already hedged in by chairs, but he re
mained standing. Dash it, he was staring hard at
me, his beady eyes boring like gimlets, don t you
know, and his little shriveled face all puckered up.
By Jove, but he looked sour ! Looked like he would
bite, or, as Billings said afterward, would like to,
if the human race wasn t poisonous.
"Wonderful stunt, science, isn t it, Professor?"
gushed Billings, still rubbing his hands and grinning
155
156 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
like a wild what s-its-name. "Tracing the orbits of
the shooting stars or measuring the animals in the
tiny sewer drop. H m! Fascinating pursuit! And
how marvelous it must be to be able to classify in
stantly any specimen of man s or nature s handi
work to a call the turn, so to speak right off
the bat, as it were. H m ! We have here to-night -
er "
With his hand upon the pajamas, Billings paused,
for the professor paid no attention did not even
turn round, in fact. He just stood there staring
at me. Billings coughed suggestively.
"H m ! As I was saying, we have with us to-night
a specimen," he resumed a little louder, "I may say
an example of something that, while apparently
commonplace and prosaic, is really a rare and
unique
"Ha specimen genus cypripedium," came in a
squeaky bark from the professor as he held me in
his eye. "Linnaeus, 1753. Ha! Species acaide
proper habitat, bogs. Very common very common,
indeed."
He batted at me sourly and seemed disappointed.
-By Jove, I never felt so devilish mortified in all
my life! Never! I nearly dropped my monocle and
felt myself getting jolly red about the ears. This
only seemed to make it worse.
"Ha labellum somewhat pinker purple than nor
mal," he proceeded. "H m! Unusually fresh speci
men."
THE PROFESSOR 157
I looked appealingly at Billings. "Oh, I say, you
know !" I exclaimed in dismay.
Billings had been standing with his mouth agape,
but now he made a stride forward and touched the
professor on the arm.
"That s Mr. Lightnut, Professor," he said blandly.
"That s not the specimen. H m! Slight mistake."
Slowly the professor s big head turned on its axis
and his little eyes blinked at Billings nastily.
"I was referring to the orchid in the gentleman s
coat," he observed quietly, and turned back to me.
"Of course! Of course!" stammered Billings with
eagerness. "My mistake one on me. Stung!" his
lips pantomimed to me.
I addressed the professor hospitably : "Ah ! won t
you sit down, Professor?"
He drew back, frowning. "Sit down, sir?" he
questioned. And, by Jove, by this time he showed
his teeth. And devilish white, even teeth they were,
too, only they didn t fit.
"I never sit down, sir," he said stiffly ; "never !"
"By Jove !" I explained.
"To be sure!" ejaculated Billings, looking ex
tremely silly.
The professor appeared not ungratified with the
sensation he had produced and condescended to
smile; that is, if you can call a creasing and wrin
kling like the cracked end of a hard-boiled egg a
smile.
"You say, sit down, sir," he said, addressing me.
158 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"I ask you, in turn : Is not sitting down recrudes
cence back to the primordial ?"
So saying, he took a pinch at my shirt front and
stepped back again impressively. Still addressing
me, he continued :
"It is such thoughtless indulgence of muscles
growing obsolescent that retards the evolution of
our species, a species, sir, which I claim is coessen-
tial in fundamental attributes with contemporaneous
amphibia. Ha! I surprise you, perhaps? Can you
note in me a resemblance to a batrachian?"
I didn t know. And, dash it, I was afraid to
chance it. Tried my jolly best to think what a
batrachian was. It came to me like a flash that it
sounded like something in Italy.
"By Jove, you do, though, awfully!" I exclaimed,
trying to brighten up over it. "Doesn t he, Billings ?
Noticed a resemblance right off, don t you know."
Billings went to nodding with an air of pleased
surprise. Dash me if I believed he knew what a
batrachian was, though, any more than I did. But
Billings never admits anything.
"Sure," he said glibly. "I was half suspecting it;
why, look at the skin, you know and features !"
"By Jove, yes!" I said, feeling encouraged.
"Head, mouth, nose, eyes and I was going to
say "hair," but I remembered in time about the wig.
The professor looked awfully pleased. He gave
me a finger again.
THE PROFESSOR 159
"Such perspicacity ah is rare in one who looks
so"
He coughed slightly, then resumed :
"How gratifying, indeed, to meet another investi
gator! A student in zootomy, no doubt? Ah! Do
not deny it ; I divined it at once. A delightful recrea
tion, sir a game, absorbing but elusive."
"Awfully jolly, you know," I agreed. "Ripping,
I say!"
"Surest thing you know," chirped Billings. I won
dered if it was anything like polo.
And then, by Jove, thinking of polo sent me off
again thinking of Frances. Not that she was like
polo, dash it, but I wished she could see me play.
The professor took another pinch from my shirt
front and favored me with a .rusty smile.
"Ah !" he said : "You must take time to look into
a little monograph of mine : Man in Miniature; a
Study of the Anthropology of the Frog. You re
gard the frog, of course?"
"Oh, I say, yes fine, you know!" I answered,
rny mouth watering. By Jove! I thought of the
devilish good things they got up in season down at
the Cafe Grenouille.
"My dear sir!" The professor bowed to me. "I
can not express to you how gratifying to me this
meeting is. I must get a list of your societies and
degrees. So few appreciate the frog; so many, even
in the scientific world, deride my published claim
160 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
that congenions with man is the rana mugiens ot
American bullfrog."
By Jove! they were certainly congenial with me,
all right.
"Awfully hard to swallow unless well done, don t
you know," I demurred thoughtfully.
"Truly incredible, sir!"
The professor took another pinch and held it in
front of him.
"But I have allowed for that," he added, empha
sizing with his other hand. "My frog brochure meets
that difficulty and whets the appetite of the most
mediocre."
"By Jove, Billings!" I exclaimed eagerly, "w$
must tell Marchand about it over at the club." 1
was so devilish tired of his eternal sauce delicieuse,
his sauce aigre, his sauce ecossaise and the rest, don K
you know.
The professor inclined his head gravely.
"Ha, French ! Then Monsieur Marchand has done
something with the frog, has he?" he questioned.
"Twenty-nine different stunts," Billings replied
proudly. "I know because I m on the House Com
mittee. Yes, sir, frogs are his specialty; that man
can get more out of a frog than any other living-
man."
The professor looked a little nettled.
"Oh, indeed !" he said rather coldly.
"I tell you, Professor, he s got em all skinned!"
Billings enthused.
THE PROFESSOR 161
The remark provoked a contemptuous sniff.
"Undoubtedly, that being the proper condition
preliminary to comparative anatomical study," said
the professor loftily. "Then the physical resem
blance to a man becomes startling. I have identified
every analogy with man except the beautiful phe
nomenon of the beating of the frog heart twenty-
four hours after separation from the body the liv
ing body, sir. Experiment upon the living human
specimen is necessary for confirmation of the ho
mologous structure of the two hearts, however. This
I have not done not yet."
He spoke gloomily. I looked at Billings blankly
but I found Billings was looking at me the same
way.
Every once in a while he had been lifting the
pajamas. He would cough and open his mouth, but
just then the professor would start off again. Once
Billings, with an awfully savage expression, shook
his fist at our visitor s back and danced up and down
upon the rug.
"The indifference, not to say prejudice, of the
public upon the matter of human vivisection is heart
rending," went on the professor sadly. "Sir, I have
advertised in the help wanted columns of the daily
press, and have interviewed scores without arousing
one spark of ambition or awakening one thrill of
gratitude over the opportunity offered to assist me
in the investigation of scientific phenomena. I
pleaded, sir ; I reproached ; I even showed them the
162 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
demonstration upon the frog. Did I move them?
Were they affected, do you think?"
I shook my head sympathetically. Seemed the
safe thing to do.
"A lot of pikers, by George!" said Billings with
an air of indignation. "Must have been shameless!"
"Deuced indifferent," I ventured. "I should have
been regularly cut up."
"Ah! of course you would," cried the professor,
lifting another pinch. "There speaks the intelligent
devotee of science! But did they see it that way?
Not at all, sir; they were only indifferent and un
grateful they were rude and ah boisterous!
One savage primate assaulted me with his bare
knuckles. A blow, gentlemen, a blow from the
boasted family of anthropina!"
"Beastly outrage, Professor," growled Billings.
"Leave it to me ; I know a chap who s got a pull with
the police commissioner, and I ll just tip him off,
by George. It s no matter what family they are or
how much they boasted. It ll be the hurry wagon
and the cooler for them, eh, Dicky ?"
He gestured to me wildly, nodding his head like
a man with the what s-it-name dance.
"Deuced good idea. Awful rotters, I say," was
my comment.
The professor seemed affected by our sympathy.
He withdrew from his pocket a folded handker
chief, slowly opened it and pressed it lightly to each
eye. Then he carefully refolded and replaced it.
THE PROFESSOR 163
"Strange thing, the persistence of the primitive
emotions," he said, sniffing thoughtfully. "Singular
how they affect the lachrymal apparati. Peculiarly
disagreeable taste, gentlemen, that of tears, despite
their simple elementary composition ninety-nine
and six-tenths per cent, water, you remember, and
the rest a modicum of chloride of sodium, mucus,
soda and phosphates. H m! Your pardon, gentle
men, for this digression, but to have sustained a stab
under this very roof from genus homo! It is in
deed hard."
Here Jenkins, who had been lingering and busy
ing himself about the apartment, whispered to me
from behind :
"It s that dago, sir, that delivers fruit every day."
"Eh?"
"That s the name. I see him going back every
morning."
Jenkins moved off, nodding mysteriously, as I
stared at him through my glass. In his way, Billings
was speaking words of comfort and all that sort of
thing to the professor.
"Never mind; the law will get em for you," he
reassured him.
"Ah! that s just where you are in error," sighed
our guest. "The law, sir, will not get a single sub
ject for me. In this age of unrestrained liberty of all
classes, the law lends no aid whatever to science. It
is not as it was in the glorious past when, under im
perial patronage, Vesalius, the great father of anat-
1 64 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
omy, was protected when by mistake his scalpel cut
the living heart of a Spanish grandee. Times worth
while, gentlemen, those great days of supreme im->
perialism! Ah! there was no lack of material avail
able if one stood in a little at court; one had only to
designate a selection and the thing was done. Gra
cious, gentle times, my friends ! Gone, alas, for
ever ! Such opportunities are impossible under a re
public."
The professor shook his head and reached for his
handkerchief again. But this time he only blew his
nose.
"Tempora mutantur," he murmured regretfully,
"Eh, gentlemen?"
"True," said Billings, pursing his lips. "Ah, how
true!"
"By Jove, ought to be something done, you know,"
I declared.
"Out of millions, not a single human specimen
available," groaned the professor dismally. "And
my instruments ready for over a year."
"Cheer up, sir; you ll have a go yet," Billings en-,
couraged.
"Ah!" The professor s little eyes swept Billings
person critically. "Perhaps you, sir, would like the
privilege "
Billings staggered back a step or two precipitately.
"Delighted; nothing d give me greater pleasure,
but so infernally busy," he explained hurriedly,
"Just my confounded luck; unfortunately, got to go
THE PROFESSOR 165
to Egypt right away probably to-morrow morn-
ing."
The professor sighed again in his disappointment.
"No matter; I shall find some one in time," he
said grimly. "But I shall abandon this foolish per
suasion and cajolery as unworthy of the scientist.
Do we lower ourselves with such devices in securing
a butterfly or a grasshopper or a frog or any animate
specimen except man? Certainly not; we capture
.ind etherize them."
He glanced about the room and beckoned us with
fais finger.
"I have lately had my eye upon the gas man," he
aid in a low tone. He closed one eye impressively.
"Ah!" said Billings, his mouth dropping open
wide.
"The individual who comes at intervals to take the
.quarters from the slot meter. H m, fine subject, gen-
demen !"
"Great!" agreed Billings.
"Ripping idea," I tried as a reply.
The professor clasped his fingers tightly and
rubbed his thumbs one over the other. He bright
ened visibly.
"The party has to go down upon his knees and
stoop behind the end of the tub in the bath-room,"
he continued. "It was my thought that while in that
advantageous position the sudden, quick application
of a Turkish bath towel saturated in ether would
Eh? Do you follow me?"
1 66 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Devilish clever, you know," I said. I had already
selected this for reply for this time.
Billings failed to come up. He just stared hard,
rolled his eyes and ran his finger around under his
collar.
The professor, in the act of taking another pinch
from my shirt front, paused with a little jerk. Then
his great head shot forward in front of his rigid
neck so suddenly, by Jove, that I reached out to
try to catch it, don t you know. He made just two
strides to the table, ten feet away, and pounced
upon the pajamas with obviously trembling hands.
And behind his back Billings relapsed into an
arm-chair and fanned himself with a magazine.
His head dropped back, and upon his fat face
was a what-you-call-it smile of peace. He closed
his eyes for an instant.
"Suffering Thomas cats! At last!" I heard him
murmur.
CHAPTER XVIII
I RECEIVE A SHOCK
" I ^HE professor fumblingly sought through his
-* pockets, and producing a pair of spectacles with
phenomenally large lenses, adjusted them shakily.
He bent over the pajamas eagerly.
"Impossible! And yet, it is, it is!" he muttered.
"I would know the weave among a thousand. It is
hers undoubtedly, undoubtedly the lost silk of Si-
Ling-Chi ! How comes it here?"
He glared around rather wildly at each of us in
turn. Without waiting for a reply, he whisked back
to the pajamas, and fishing out a thick magnifying
tens, scrutinized the garments closely. It seemed
that he would certainly nod his big head off its jolly
hinge ; and his quick side glances at Billings and my
self, together with his growling and muttering, just
reminded me of a dog with a bone, by Jove !
I stared at Billings and Billings stared at me, and
then he slipped over to the divan upon which I
dropped, completely exhausted, dash it, from stand
ing so long.
"Whose did he say?" he whispered.
"Celia something," I answered. "Dash it, I didn t
167
168 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
catch her surname. Oh, I say, you know, this is
awful!"
I felt devilish mortified. Wondered what Frances
might think, you know. Billings drew in his lips
and wagged his head ominously. He waved me
nearer.
"He s on," he breathed behind his hand; "he s
looking for her laundry mark. Now, wouldn t that
f eaze you ?"
An exclamation of triumph from the professor,
another glance at us, and a hoarser and more pro
longed mutter. I shifted uneasily. By Jove, I didn t
like it at all !
Billings lookeu at me in consternation. "I
wouldn t be in your shoes, Dicky," he whispered.
"You ll be pinched for this, sure."
"Oh, I say, now ! I tell you, a friend in China "
Billings shrugged impatiently. "Just a plant, you
chowder head," he said, viewing me pityingly. "I
tell you that s how all these blackmailing schemes
are worked. You ought to be more careful."
"But, dash it, I don t even know her, this Celia
what s-her-name," I protested miserably. If Fran
ces brother thought that way, what would slie
think?
"Urn! Maybe you don t, but they ll expect you
to say that, anyhow. You re up against it, old chap ;
the professor here evidently knows her and he knows
her pajamas relative, probably."
By Jove, I felt a little faint !
I RECEIVE A SHOCK 169
"It will be all over New York to-morrow," con
tinued Billings gloomily. "Your picture and hers
will be in the extras."
Out of the professor s mutterings we caught a
random sentence.
"Found, found again," we heard him say. "Hers
beyond peradventure of a doubt. I am not mis
taken."
Billings rose, and his beckoning ringer summoned
me to a corner of the room.
"This is going to cost you a pot of money, Dicky,"
he said with a serious air, "to say nothing of the
scandal. My advice is, try buying him off best
thing in the long run. I ll feel him for you."
Nodding solemnly to me he cleared his voice.
"H m! I say, Professor."
The professor, with his eye glued to the lens and
the lens to the silk, turned slowly about.
"H m!" began Billings. "The h m articles you
have there you recognize where they are from
eh?"
"Of course," he snapped, without looking up.
"H m ! And whose did I understand you to say
I er did not catch her name."
His glance uplifted and scoured us sourly.
"Si-Ling-Chi. Did you think I did not know? I
recognized at sight her wonderful disappearing
weave." He bent again with his lens. "Marvelous,
indeed, after all these years," he muttered. "So long,
so long! Incredible preservation!"
1 7 o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
Billings placed his finger against his nose, rolled
his eyes upward and emitted the faintest of whistles.
He caught my arm sharply.
"Say, how old are you, Dicky?" he whispered ex
citedly.
"I er twenty-seven, I think, old chap," I re
plied hesitatingly.
Billings noiselessly slapped his leg. His face
brightened.
"Been of age six years," he calculated to himself.
"By George, maybe you can prove an alibi!"
He coughed again at the absorbed figure stooping
over the table.
"Ah, Professor h m how long now would you
say it might be since well, she you mention how
long a time since she last saw er what you have
there eh ?"
"How long?" repeated the professor absently.
Then he moved, but his hand only, and he flipped it,
don t you know, as one does to banish a fly or a
dashed mosquito that sort of thing, by Jove !
"Can t you figure it out yourself?" he questioned
irritably. "You remember chronology gives Hwang-
Si s reign as in the twenty-sixth century before
Christ; and of course, that of Si-Ling-Chi, his em
press, would be the same."
Billings subsided limply into a chair.
"Great Thomas cats !" he gasped weakly.
"I think I divine the astute purpose of your in
quiry," said the professor, pausing to polish his
I RECEIVE A SHOCK 171
glasses and favoring us with a wintry smile. "It
does not deceive me. You have in mind, sir, the er
roneous chronology that places Si-Ling-Chi thirteen
centuries earlier. Ha! Is not my suspicion correct?"
"Regular bull s-eye!" responded Billings. "I
mean," he added hastily, "what s the use of deny
ing it?"
"Twenty-six centuries before the Christian era is
the best we can give Si-Ling-Chi," said the pro
fessor, carefully affixing his glasses and falling once
more upon the pajamas.
"By Jove !" I said dazedly. "Then the lady er
I mean the party she s rather far back er isn t
she, don t you know?"
The professor answered abstractedly:
"Two thousand years before Confucius; twenty-
four hundred and twenty-nine years before the
building of the Great Wall," he murmured mechan
ically.
Jove, but I was relieved! I looked inquiringly at
Billings. He just sat there kind of drooping, and
shook his head. "I m all in," he motioned with his
lips ; and he wiped his forehead.
"Ah, gentlemen!" exclaimed the professor, com
ing back again, "what a thing this little Chinese
woman did for civilization when she gave the world
silk culture and invented the loom ! No wonder the
Chinese deified her as a goddess."
"Goddess!" Billings swallowed hard. "And did
these h m garments belong to the lady?"
172 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
The professor frowned at him in surprise.
ments ?"
"Them," said Billings in devilish questionable
grammar, pointing to the table. "They are pajamas,
you know."
"Ha!" ejaculated the professor, holding them up.
"So they are. You are very observing, sir, very.
Now, I had not noticed that at all; I was so inter
ested in the material itself the wonderful silk of
Si-Ling-Chi, gentlemen. Ha! Indeed a rare privi
lege!"
By Jove ! He stroked the stuff lightly, tenderly
as one likes to do a little child s hair, don t you know.
"Beautiful, beautiful fabric," he sighed half to
himself. "Only once before have I seen a piece of it
but it was enough; I could never, never forget."
Something like a groan escaped him.
Billings angled his head toward me and tightly
compressed one eye.
"H m ! Something in the petticoat line eh, Pro
fessor ?"
The professor s face wrinkled with the most mat
ter-of-fact surprise.
"Petticoat?" he piped querulously. "You are for
getting that the petticoat is a vestment unknown in
China."
"Oh, in China! I was thinking of Paree,"
chuckled Billings, with a gay air and another glance
at me. Then his nerve withered under the profes
sor s blank stare, and he added hurriedly :
I RECEIVE A SHOCK 173
"H m! So it was in China you saw the other
piece of silk ?"
The professor sighed profoundly. His reply came
dreamily, regretfully:
"In the Purple Forbidden City; but I was not
quick enough."
"Not quick enough?" Billings echo was solicit
ous, sympathetic.
"It was among the palace treasures, the imperial
properties things unhappily lost to the world and
civilization. Ah, gentlemen, I erred; I committed a
fatal mistake; it has been a matter of deep mortifi
cation to me often !" His head wagged somberly.
Billings looked a little embarrassed and rubbed
his chin. "H m!" he coughed. "I guess we all slip a
cog now and then. I know I ve done things myself
I ve been rather ash :
"I erred, gentlemen," went on the professor, "in
trusting most unscientifically to the false principle
that the hand is quicker than the eye. It is not true,
for one of the guards saw me and my carelessness
cost me dearly: I not only lost the silk, but a sin
gularly beautiful gold thread altar cloth and a
matchless amulet of yu-chi fade, you know white
jade, at thai, gentlemen, I assure you a rare bit of
carving of the second century real Khoton jade,
too no base fei-tsui. But, alas! I lost them, my
friends; they confiscated them, and no doubt they
are still there in their original places from which I
had a attached them. Do you wonder at my mor-
i 7 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
tification ? And then the sacrifice of a whole year of
planning, watching, bribing and perfecting of pre
liminary disguise ! All fruitless, fruitless!"
The* professor lifted and dropped his palms in
eloquent deprecation.
Billings foot pressed mine. "Now, wouldn t that
frost you?" he whispered under his breath. Aloud
he exclaimed indignantly :
"Beastly outrage ; it must have been painful."
The professor started in the act of lifting the paja
mas again.
"Pain? I did not speak of the physical conse
quences. They were too terrible to discuss. I
The pajamas dropped from his hands and his eyes
took on that somewhere-else, far-off look, don t
you know.
"Sort of third degree work, Professor?" Bill
ings prodded him.
The professor did not reply. His long, slim fin
gers swept his forehead for an instant and he looked
away again, his little eyes dilated. Somehow it made
one feel devilish uncomfortable, dash it !
Billings cocked his eye at me and lifted his shoul
ders in a shrug. Then he deliberately kicked at the
tabouret and sent its brass fixture set clattering
noisily across the room.
The professor shivered, compressed his lips and
blinked at us.
"Your pardon, gentlemen," he observed in some
confusion. "Some one was asking me "
I RECEIVE A SHOCK 175
"What they did to you when you lift I mean
when you lost the er loot."
He stared, shivered again and returned to the
pajamas, muttering an almost inaudible reply.
We caught a word or two : "Long imprisonment
much physical pain unspeakable things do not
like to think of it I "
His eyes closed. He folded his long, thin arms
shudderingly. Billings and I sat very still. The pro
fessor s voice came as from far away :
"I could tell you of some experiences in China
and in Tibet," he murmured. "Perhaps I some
other time such horrible details, I "
He leaned heavily upon the table with both hands.
His head dropped forward an instant.
"No matter now," he muttered. "It was long,
long ago!"
CHAPTER XIX
THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS
EORGE!" breathed Billings, breaking a curi-
ous, tense silence.
The professor suddenly faced us, holding up the
pajamas with a gesture of inquiry.
"From a friend of Mr. Lightnut s in China," Bill
ings explained.
Aside, he whispered hurriedly : "Don t say a word
about the rubies! You heard him murder, grandt
larceny or arson it s all one to the old gazabe!
Anybody can see that. He doesn t let little things
like those stand in the way of getting what he
wants!" He frowned warningly.
"H m! In the neck, Professor I mean inside the
collar," he said, approaching the table "there s
some kind of freak lettering. Looks foolish to me."
The professor looked perplexed.
"I mean, looks like it was done by some one who
was batty had wheels, you know; probably some
chink whose biscuit was drifty," floundered Billings.
"You understand !"
The professor didn t. I knew that jolly well by
the way he cocked his head on one side, standing
like a puzzled crow, don t you know.
176
THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS 177
"Ha! I fear I do not as I should," he said with
an apologetic cough. "Perhaps I do not intelligently
and logically follow your deductions because your
premises are inscrutable until I have seen the letter
ing. Ah!"
Out came glasses and lens again and he bent over
the collar eagerly.
"H m! The Hwuy i, or ideographic characters,
rather than the ideophonetic!" He looked up at
Billings and myself inquiringly. "Ha! I trust we
start together in accord upon that conclusion, eh,
gentlemen ?"
Billings nodded emphatically.
"Surest thing you know," he declared firmly, and
whispered to me triumphantly. "Didn t I tell him it
was idiotic?"
The professor s lips moved rapidly and his visage
twisted into a horrible frown.
"Why, why a what!" With mouth open, and
gripping the pajamas tightly, he glared at us each
in turn.
"Oh, impossible!" he rasped harshly, seizing the
lens and bending again. "Incredible poof ab
surd tut, tut, what nonsense !"
The glass swept the lines rapidly. Suddenly, with
a cry, the professor dropped the lens, a violent start
almost lifting him from the floor.
"Papauhegopoulos!" he cried explosively, and
whirled on us again.
Dash me, if I didn t fall back a step, his eyes
i;8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
rolled so wildly. But Billings stood his ground, by
Jove!
"I didn t quite catch " he began hesitatingly,
angling his bristly red head forward and smiling
pleasantly.
The professor seemed abashed of a sudden.
"H m ! Your pardon, gentlemen ! Merely an ex
pletive h m a Greek word I indulge in sometimes
when when excited; a weakness, I might say.
H m!" He seized his lens again.
Billings eyes yielded admiration.
"Great Scott, Dicky!" he whispered in my ear.
"See what a thing education is! Think of being
able to swear in Greek in Greek, Dicky !" Billings
voice expressed awe. "Why, he s got an Erie Canal
skipper backed clear off the board, and if he wanted
to turn loose, I ll bet he could make a certain rail
way president I know look like a two-spot !"
At this point the professor struck his fist angrily
upon the pajamas. The face that he turned was
unnaturally flushed and his chin quivered excitedly.
"Ridiculous, I say ! Poof !" He snapped his
fingers. "Necromancy and thaumaturgy trans
mitted in pajamas! Absurd!"
"PifHe!" said Billings emphatically. "Don t
know what they are," he whispered to me, "but I ll
take a hund red-to-one shot on anything he says.
The professor s a corker !"
"By Jove!" I remarked. "Perhaps Professor
Huckleberry won t mind telling us
THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS 179
"What I think, gentlemen? What could I think
but what I am sure is your own conclusion though
you have generously and considerately left me to
form my own opinion namely, that the claim of
supernatural attributes of these garments is pre
posterous. Enchanted pajamas ! Haunted pa
jamas! Poof! Nursery lore; children s fairy tales!
Ghosts, gentlemen? Tut, tut nonsense!"
He snorted indignantly.
"Ghosts !" faltered Billings.
"Oh, I say !" I rather gasped. Dash me if it
didn t give me a turn, rather !
The professor shrugged his shoulders.
"What other interpretation is admissible, gentle
men?" he questioned somewhat peevishly, taking
up the crvit. "Here we have the royal insignia of
the cruel emperor, Kee, and we note that these gar
ments were given some one in his court by the al
leged soiT.erer, Fuh-keen. Perhaps it was revenge
perhaps some court plot in which Fuh-keen, for rea
sons of h?.s own, was an active participant ; it is of
no importance, that part of it. So much for the
first line ; but now we come
He paused to polish his spectacles.
"Tell me," he said more cheerfully, "do our free
translations of the ideographs so far agree in essen
tialseh?"
"Like as two peas !" Billings declared with mani
fest enthusiasm.
The professor looked gratified and bowed.
i8o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Of course, the rendition is entirely a free one,"
he remarked. "You must not expect too much."
"Devilish handsome and clever of him !" I whis
pered to Billings, as the professor proceeded to ad
just his spectacles. "Dash it, I wish he d let me pay
him, though."
"Forget it !" hissed Billings. "Didn t he just say
it was free? He s no cheap skate, I tell you."
The professor resumed :
"Now we come to the second line, or, more
strictly speaking, column," he said, straightening
impressively. "Here we find the astonishing claim
made that there will be a change or metamorphosis
of any kind of animal life that these habiliments en
shroud. Urn!"
The great man breathed heavily and batted at us
over his glasses.
"Credat Jud&us apella eh, gentlemen?" And he
winked knowingly. Dashed if he didn t almost
catch me swallowing a yawn, too! For I hadn t
any idea what he was talking about or driving at,
and, by Jove, I did know I was getting devilish
sleepy.
The professor waved his glasses. "Did you ever-
read such a childish, ridiculous, extravagant as
severation ?" he demanded.
"Ass eh ? I should say so !" I worked this off
indignantly.
"Tommyrot!" murmured Billings absently. He
seemed thoughtful.
THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS 181
I was thoughtful, too wondering, by Jove,
whether the professor would go soon, so we could
turn in and get the earlier start to-morrow up the
river. But chiefly I was wondering wistfully if
Frances would still be angry with me.
"Moreover," broke in the professor s voice as he
turned again to the lettering, "to assert further that
there will be a semblance not actual, gentlemen,
mind you, but an optical illusion taking the form
of some creature of the same kind that this silken
tenement has previously inclosed.
"In other words, gentlemen, if I were to don these
garments, I might no longer look like myself, but
J.ike some one else who had worn them upon some
previous occasion perhaps last night perhaps a
thousand years ago. Eh ? Is that what you under
stand?"
He ducked again over the letters and came up,
looking chagrined.
"Moreover, I am forced to confess, gentlemen,
that I fail to find a system any rule governing
these ridiculous transformations. The hypothesis is,
therefore, that the alleged materializations merely
follow the arbitrary caprice of the magic." He
shook his head. "Well, gentlemen, I really, I must
.laugh !"
And he did! I hadn t caught the drift of what
it was he thought he was laughing at I got the
words, but I was too dashed sleepy to get the sense.
But I was awfully glad I understood this much
THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
that what he was attempting now was a laugh. I
never would have known it. It was more like a
shrieking squeak rusty hinge, you know, that sort
of thing.
"First-time-I ve-laughed-in-twenty-years !" His
shrill cackle ran a treble scale that ended in high C.
"I know you you won t believe it!"
"Believe it?" said Billings drily, "I d bet a purse
on it." He whispered to me : "Don t need any af
fidavit ; it shows. Sounds like a country wagon on
a down grade, brake on, and shrieking like a ban
shee."
Behind me the door opened slightly. I turned to
see Jenkins, looking devilish chalky and a little
wild-eyed. He lifted a coil of stout sash cord ques-
tioningly,
"Eh? Why, no!" I whispered through the open
ing. "He s just laughing. Don t be a jolly ass!"
And I closed the door sharply.
The professor looked up from the pajamas, and
folding his arms, eyed Billings with a cunning leer.
"I think I see," he said, leveling his finger. "You
have both demonstrated how nonsensical is the as
sertion in this inscription. Doubtless you desire an
experiment upon my part to confirm your proof of
its absurdity. Reductio ad absurdum eh, gentle
men?"
Billings looked at me, but I couldn t help him.
Why, dash it, I didn t even know yet what the in
scription was. And, by Jove, I didn t know what
THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS 183
experiments he wanted to try with the pajamas, but
I didn t care. He could boil them, if he wanted to,
if he would only let us get to bed.
So at random I just nodded eagerly.
"Excellent!" The professor s chuckle sounded
like dice rattling in a metal box. "An excellent jest
upon this fellow, Fuh-keen, to furnish a demonstra
tion by twentieth-century scientists of the presump
tion of his claims of necromancy and thaumaturgy.
You have done so now I will do so, in turn. Eh,
gentlemen ?"
I hadn t the ghost of an idea what he was talking
about. Fact is, I was thinking of my darling and
wondering if she was asleep. By Jove, I wished
that 7 was !
But a devilish queer look had come into Billings
face. He nodded, gathered the pajamas into the
professor s arms and patted him on the shoulder in
a way I thought offensively familiar.
"You ve got it, Professor!" he said, grinning.
Then he whispered to me aside :
"Not a word, Dicky great Scott!" But he
needn t have said that, even if I had been mind-
reader enough to guess what word he meant. It was
about all I could do to get out a last word to the
professor as he went out the door:
" Night!"
CHAPTER XX
BILLINGS RAMBLES
TEN minutes later I was almost wide awake, for
Billings was talking over long distance and to
her!
But I did not like the way he did it.
"Shut up, Francis!" he bellowed. "Now you
listen to what I m telling you and do just as I tell
you to, too if you don t, I ll mash your face when
I come up there! You hear?"
And he swore at her yes, by Jove, swore!
"Oh, here I say now!" I remonstrated indig
nantly.
"It s all right, Dicky," and he waved his fat hand
indifferently as he hung up the receiver. "Francis
wants to drive that car down for us in the morn
ing Francis, now !" And his hands went out im
pressively.
And dash it, I was impressed I was delighted.
"By Jove!" I cried. "Fine!" For I knew by
that that she had forgiven me.
"Fine!" snorted Billings. "You don t know
what you re talking about ! Francis hasn t got sense
enough to get a road engine ten feet without smash
ing it, much less a car twenty-five miles."
184
BILLINGS RAMBLES 185
"Oh, look here !" I growled protestingly, "I don t
like to hear you talking about er Frances that
way."
Billings grunted and bit a cigar savagely without
stopping to clip it. He pulled fiercely at it a mo
ment.
"Kind of you, old chap," he exclaimed, "but you
don t know our family as / do. If Francis has got
a headache now, I know that by morning "
"Headache ?" I cried in dismay.
He nodded. "So I understood over the phone
been getting at the governor s private stock, I d bet
all I ve got." He shook his head gloomily. "No,
sir ; that car cost five thousand, and when you can t
trust people sober, how are you going to trust them
drunk?"
I sighed as I remembered the half pint of whisky
she had taken but, dash it, I didn t care ! It some
how didn t seem to make any difference in my lov
ing her. The only thing important, really, in the
matter of the car was that she might hurt herself.
Billings didn t seem to think of that. And yet, by
Jove, she wanted to come ! She must!
"See here," I said coaxingly, for Billings seemed
to have gone off in a moody, brown study, "you
must remember, old chap, your sister has been
cooped up there in Radcliffe for months. Why not
let her have the run down to the city and back ? It
will do her good, you know."
i86 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Of course," he said absently. "She s going to
drive the car down."
"Eh what say?" I was sure I had not heard
aright.
"I say she s going to bring the car down my
chauffeur s sick, it seems."
I didn t wonder at that, but I did wonder at his
sudden change.
"Then you re not afraid
"Afraid ? I should say not ! She can drive better
than I can better than anybody in Westchester
County!"
"I see I see !" I said in a low voice. And I d id
see, poor fellow ! By Jove, my spirits sank to zero.
"Yes, there s somebody you can always rely on !"
he enthused under his changing mood. "Good thing
in this blankety world there s somebody you can
rely on among women, I mean. There s a girl
with a purpose in life yes, sir! Never dances,
plays bridge, nor uses slang no, sir! And what s
more, in this cursed age, she s one woman who can
go through life and say she never touched a cigarette
or a cocktail."
"Of course of course!" I agreed soothingly.
By Jove, it was a devilish sight better to have him
talk this way about her. I wouldn t antagonize
anything he might say now. And I had turned his
mind just by a simple hint the power of sugges
tion, you know. Just as I had myself forgotten I
was sleepy.
BILLINGS RAMBLES 187
"Of course, you never have met my sister, have
you?" he puffed. "I mean the one that s been up at
Radcliffe."
"Oh, never!" I said promptly.
"You will in the morning," said Billings, flicking
his ash. "Not much to look at I mean not what
you would call handsome
I interrupted. "Oh, but I say," I exclaimed un
guardedly, "how can you say that? I think she s
just beautiful."
"Eh ?" He stared so hard I was afraid I had got
his mind off again. "Thought you said you had
never met her."
"No, no, I never did," I stammered. . "Mistake,
you know."
He went on musingly: "But I understand that
her room-mate who has come home with her, by
the way is a peach. English girl, you know. They
tell me Francis is crazy about her beauty."
Dashed if I could see how she could be, for, by
Jove, I had seen her myself. It was the frump!
Peach ? She was a fright!
Here Billings eyes hung on the ceiling as though
he would bore through it.
"Say, do you know" he dropped his voice, still
looking up "I hope the old gazabe up there won t
get wise to those rubies. Awfully careless of us
forgot all about them. By George, I ve half a mind
to go up there and get the pajamas back."
"Oh, dash it, no!" I protested, for I was getting
1 88 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
sleepy again. "It s the silk the old fellow was in
terested in; he wants to examine it try some ex
periments something. He ll never think of the
jolly rubies, you know."
Billings looked at me oddly. "That s so," he
agreed. "Still, I know I won t sleep, thinking about
those rubies." Then he looked up at the ceiling
again and muttered : "Wonder if the old boy will
have any visitors to-night?"
I yawned. I knew it wasn t likely not with
him!
Billings rose. "Well, I ll get along over to the
club, old chap. Now mind, the car will call for
you about nine. Then you are to pick me up that
is, unless I should come over here. And, oh, say,
Dicky!" He turned back from the door where Jen
kins waited with his hat and cane. "Speaking of
pajamas er what do you think of black ones
eh?"
By Jove, I got red could just feel it, you know !
"Ever see a suit of black silk pajamas ?" Billings
chuckled.
Now for it! "I I never did," I managed to
get out.
"Never heard of any myself before," Billings
gurgled. "But great idea, don t you think? Good
thing, traveling Pullmans, hotels that sort of
thing eh? Just got them to-day ordered two
weeks ago."
BILLINGS RAMBLES 189
By Jove, what a relief! I felt myself breathing
again.
"Wish you would stay," I said, for I felt uneasy
about him.
"Oh, no," carelessly ; "all my traps are over there,
you know." He smiled. "To say nothing of the
new pajamas."
Standing in the door, he looked upward again,
twirling his cane. His head shook dubiously.
"Could kick myself about those rubies," he grum
bled. "Just half a mind to go up there He
shrugged. "Oh, well, good night, old chap ; see you
in the morning."
I murmured some reply as I followed him with
out. Then I stood a moment looking down the
shaft after he had descended.
"Hope he ll be all right in the morning," I mused.
"And hope his infernal mood won t shift round
again as to Frances !"
CHAPTER XXI
THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS
" A RE you sure, Mr. Lightnut?"
-** I stood, cap in hand, one foot on the sidewalk
before the Kahoka, the other on the running-board
of the car a big double-tonneau red whale sort of
affair. This was as far as I had been admitted to
the vehicle.
For the frump was sitting there behind the steer
ing wheel, looking down at me in a nasty, sidewise
fashion. Ever have them do you that way? Be
sides, I somehow felt that she had a feeling toward
me as a man, an unvoiced protest against my exist
ence at all. It found expression in her suspicious,
sniffy manner. Dash it, I just hated that woman
from the start ! I felt it was bad enough, her Eng
lish clumsiness in getting the introductions twisted
as I advanced to meet the car, but now I was of
half a mind that she had done it purposely. Could
see with half an eye that she was determined to
make trouble about yesterday.
"Haven t we met before, Mr. Lightnut?" she had
asked.
But it struck me that Frances glanced at me with
190
THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS 191
a kind of wistful light in her lovely eyes, and I saw
that the game was to lie like a gentleman that sort
of thing, you know. And, by Jove, I was getting
kind of used to it now, anyhow I mean since I
had broken the ice last night. Not hard at all,
though, after a few goes really!
So I stood out that I had never had the pleasure,
you know all that sort of polite rot. And all the
time felt like a jolly cad, too, meeting a girl with
that, when she remembered ! But, by Jove, it was
worth sacrificing the frump fifty times over just to
see Frances face brighten and note her faint flush
and smile as she looked at me. For, dash it, I knew
then I had done the right thing !
"Um !" grunted the frump, compressing her lips
and looking at my darling. "There s one good
thing: the experience with Mr. Smith will teach
Francis a lesson !"
The cat ! Nice sort of host !
But the dear girl just laughed how I remem
bered that laugh !
"Poor Francis!" she said lightly. "Do you
know," she added, "I believe I can forgive a Har
vard man almost anything, Mr. Lightnut."
By Jove ! The angel ! And before I knew what
I was doing or thought about the frump, I had
stretched out a hand to her, looking her straight in
the eye and smiling. She hesitated an instant only,
then laughed, and I felt her little fingers just brush
my palm but it was enough.
I 9 2 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
She flushed a little shyly and addressed the
frump.
"Are we going to keep Mr. Lightnut standing
like this all day?" she asked.
"Half on earth and half in heaven like what s-
his-name s coffin," I suggested. Devilish good, that,
don t you think? She thought so, for she opened
the door herself as the frump turned, murmuring
some silly thing about China and the open door to
America. What did China have to do with it ?
And it was just then that Jenkins bolted wildly
from the building.
"Mr. Lightnut quick, sir! Mr. Billings, sir!"
I thought of the telephone right off, but he just
caught my arm. First time ever knew Jenkins to
take a liberty.
"Come quick, sir!" he exclaimed. "He s up-stairs
and, oh, off his nut, sir awful!"
"By Jove!" I gasped. "Excuse me will see -
come right back and tell you I feared this last
night." And I rushed to the elevator with Jenkins.
"He s in them black pajamas he was talking
about," said Jenkins gloomily, "and he s run the
perfesser off. Leastwise, he ain t there, and his
man can t get Mr. Billings to go. He came down
for me, but I couldn t do a thing with him, either."
I knew I understood. It was the dwelling of
his mind upon the rubies! He had gone back in
the night for them in his sleep, for all I knew.
But I thought most likely awake, for recent ex-
THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS 193
perience with him showed me that he didn t think
anything of wandering around the neighborhood in
his pajamas.
The janitor s pale face met us at the landing.
"I ve sent for the police, sir, and it would be a
good idea, don t you think, if you could get him
away before they come. I don t want to get Mr.
Billings into no trouble."
"Good idea," I agreed. "We ll just rush him to
the car but, h m!"
I suddenly remembered he was in pajamas. It
might be all right to Billings to wander around in
public streets and vehicles in his night things, but
it certainly wouldn t do under the present circum
stances. He might not care, but then, there were
the feelings of the girls to consider. And besides,
dash it, I had some sort of idea it was against the
law.
I stood there in the corridor, puzzling.
"We must get his clothes," I said to Jenkins.
"No, wait, wait not time ! I want to get him away
before the police get here. Um dressing-robe
bath-robe can t you get something of that sort
quick?"
Jenkins shook his head distractedly.
"Thought of that, sir no use nothing any
where around here would half-way meet on Mr.
Billings."
Here the professor s man interposed.
"Please hurry, sir; he s going through the pro-
i 9 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
fessor s papers and things !" I dashed for the apart
ment, shouting to Jenkins to get a bundle of rugs
and blankets to the car.
Billings was standing by the window looking at
a glass thermometer that he had just withdrawn
from his mouth.
"Um!" he grunted complacently. "Ninety-seven
and a quarter my usual healthy subnormal tem
perature. Pulse sixty-five respiration, twenty-
four and two-fifths excellent, excellent ! I am
myself. Ha!" And he whirled triumphantly.
"Ah!" he said, advancing eagerly and rubbing
his hands. "It is you! You have heard, then?
Marvelous, isn t it wholly incredible ! But do you
know" here he plucked at my shirt front, took a
pinch, as it were, just as he had seen the professor
do "I can not find any transmigration. The ma
terialization appears to be wholly optical."
"Never mind," I said anxiously, for I knew he
was talking about the rubies; "we don t care." I
smiled brightly. "Let s go down and see the car
nice car!" And I tried to get hold of his fat side,
but missed it.
"Car?" Billings looked puzzled. Then his face
broke into a smile. "Carpe diem eh, am I not
right? True, true! Whither you say." He looked
about on a table. "Um my notes, now," he mut
tered ; and he caught up a small book and a pencil.
The professor s man protested : "Professor
Doozenberry don t like "
THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS 195
"Oh, dash it, let him have them!" I exclaimed,
for Billings was already chuckling happily and writ
ing in the little blank book.
"Come on," I pleaded, catching a fold of the pa
jamas. "Wouldn t you like to come get some clothes
on?"
He drew back in alarm. "No, no not yet not
until I complete my notes," was his crazy answer.
"You know : sublata causa, tollitur effectus!" And
he looked as though he thought this would finish
me.
"But your friend," he exclaimed suddenly, as he
allowed me to throw a blanket about his shoulders
and we moved out of the door, "the gentleman I
met last night Billings is not that the name?"
I looked at him miserably as we entered the car
to go down.
"Oh, I say, Billings, old chap," I protested ear
nestly, "don t you know me?" I pointed to the
little panel of mirror in the cage. "Don t you know
you are Billings ? Can t you see?"
His fat head pecked at the glass for an instant.
Then he looked at me with eager, batting eyes. He
chuckled hoarsely, gurglingly, and out came the
note-book and pencil from his sleeve.
"Better and better," he muttered. "Now, if we
could only go to him!" He caught my arm. "In
the interest of this investigation of scientific phe
nomena, would he consider a call intrusive could
we not seek your friend, Mr. Billings?"
196 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"It s all right, you know," I gently reassured him.
"Yes, we re going to him going right there. Just
a little ride, you know."
By Jove, the way he cackled made my heart ache !
I whispered to Jenkins to run ahead and prepare the
ladies. But the first thing we saw as the cage hit
the bottom was a woman and, dash it, the frump
from China !
She gave a little scream and fell on Billings neck,
almost bearing him to the ground.
"Oh, Jacky, Jacky!" she sobbed.
By Jove, I almost fell myself! So that was the
way the wind lay! And I had never even so much
as suspected. That was why he had raved so about
her beauty! Beauty! Poor old Jack! If I had
been sad about him before, it was a devilish sight
worse now
Worse? Why, dash it, she kissed him!
And to see him standing there, kind of batting
and rolling his eyes and looking like a girl does
when she s trying a strange piece of candy out of
the box oh, it just broke me all up !
No wonder he was crazy ! Why, dash it, he
would have to be crazy !
He was muttering to himself.
"Remarkable !" I heard. "Singularly sensate and
exhilarating! Now, I never would have thought
-urn!"
And then he very deliberately took her head be
tween his hands and kissed her. Then he looked
THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS 197
upward thoughtfully and did it again like a chicken
drinks water you know !
And then while we that is, Jenkins and I were
trying to urge him on, out came the note-book again
and he scribbled rapidly, muttering audibly: "La
bial osculation extraordinary stimulation sensa-
tory ganglia mucous membrane "
"Police!" I whispered brutally in the frump s
ear. "Better let s get him away!" And, by Jove,
that woke her out of her trance! In two minutes
she had cajoled him to the car and we had him
inside on the cushions. We bunched blankets and
rugs about him to hide the pajamas.
"Jacky, dear," gushed the Chinese freak,
"wouldn t you like for me to sit by you and hold
your poor hand?"
It looked as if he would.
The frump turned to me. "Can you drive the
car, Mr. Lightnut?"
Could I? Well, I would show her! Especially
as Frances had changed to the front as she saw us
bringing out Billings.
"Take the train get Billings things from the
club," I called to Jenkins. "Sharp, now! And here,
unhook that number there on the back give it
here!"
Jenkins hesitated. "I think there s a heavy fine,
sir," he hinted.
I snapped my fingers at him and he jumped to
obey.
"Worse things than a jolly fine," I said, looking
at poor Billings smiling crazily over the frump. I
threw the number plate into the car.
And just in time !
Around the corner whirled a policeman and, by
Jove, no less than that fat Irishman, O Keefe!
.With him was the professor s man.
"Don t tell me," panted the officer; "I know
my"
And then he gave a shout and sprang for the car.
"It s that fellow that was prowling around the
station house !" he yelled. "Here, stop there !"
But I didn t want to. For one thing, we were a
half -block away, and I had badly coasted a towel
supply wagon and scattered the wares of a push
cart across three sidewalks.
My cap went flying as we skidded a corner, and
I was devilish glad, for the inertia threw Frances
head almost against mine and I felt the tickling
brush of a little hair wisp as it swept my nose.
Her eyes were dancing with excitement. She
looked back, waving her hand at the figure of
O Keefe trotting from around the corner, and her
laughter pealed joyously, deliciously in my ear.
"Oh, I think American men are great are won
derful!" she cried, striking her little hands together.
"Especially Harvard men and especially " She
stopped with the faintest catch.
"By Jove!" I cried. "Do you mean it?"
And for the briefest instant the hands were three ;
THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS 199
but her scream brought me back to earth just in
time to save the lives of a man and a boy. Devilish
ungrateful, too, for I could see the man, three blocks
behind, and still shaking his fist. The way with
these pedestrians !
At Fifty-ninth Street we caromed with a hansom
trotting too leisurely across the plaza, and I listened
for nearly a block to the remarks of a bicycle cop
before he dropped behind. What dashed me not a
little was Billings indifference to the record I was
making for his car didn t seem to care a jolly
hang.
The frump was still hanging on him in a way to
make you sick, and cooing and going on in a nerv
ous, half -hysterical way I never would have thought
her able to chirp up to. And Billings was holding
her hand !
"Hello!" I called to him, just after we clipped
Yonkers.
He looked up at me, smiling and nodding.
"Feel all right now, old man?" I inquired
cheerily.
Billings looked at me hard, and then, dash it, he
winked! And I began to wonder, by Jove, if it was
just plain drunk.
CHAPTER XXII
MY DARLING IS SLANDERED
THREE miles south of Irvington, Billings
jumped wildly in the air and yelled for me to
stop.
"A coleopteran!" he shrieked excitedly as I throt
tled down. "A coleopteran struck me in the eye
one of the hydrophilidce family !"
And hurling aside rugs and blankets, he twisted
open the door and in a moment was in the road run
ning back. It was then I went back to the crazy
theory, for it was an open stretch of road and there
wasn t a soul in sight. But it was so funny to see
his fat figure waddling along there in the pajamas
and bedroom slippers that Frances and I just threw
back our heads and screamed. Couldn t help it, by
Jove!
And the frump, jogging along behind, looked just
as funny. I wasn t alarmed, for I knew she could
control him. And, dash it, she did it by humoring
him ! For we saw her twist her veil about the fork
of the stick he extended to her, and both of them
went to slapping wildly at the air and the ground.
Presently they both came waddling back, she with a
200
MY DARLING IS SLANDERED 201
butterfly and he with a bug which he was craning at
with a lens he had fished from his sleeve somewhere.
He was trying to do this and at the same time hold
together a great armful of gaudy weeds he had
gathered.
Billings got in and then I helped her. "Awfully
jolly good of you to humor his crazy whims," I
whispered gratefully.
"Crazy!" she ejaculated, one foot on the running-
board. "Why, he s just getting sane! He s been a
born fool all his life! And now, Jacky, as you were
saying of the antenna " And she flopped eagerly
by him and together they bent over the glass.
It was rum, but I was getting along so swim
mingly with Frances that I didn t much care what
they did. Seemed to be only about a minute more
and we were clipping through the curves of the Wol-
hurst park Frances pointed the way and had
slowed down under the porte-cochere.
The frump whispered to the man who opened the
door.
"As quietly as possible, Wilkes," she said, "and
without his father seeing him."
"The judge is away, miss," said the man. "He
drove down to the village with Senator Soakem, who
had to catch a train back to Albany; but I m looking
for him every "
"Be quick, then," jerked the frump. "You know
what to do."
"I guess I do, miss," answered the butler gloom-
202 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
ily. "I ve had to do it often enough Perkins and
me. A good cold souse that s the thing and then
bed. /know!"
Billings waved his hand to the frump as he
mounted the stairway inside. And then, dash it, he
kissed his fingers.
"Vale!" he chirped, leaning over the marble bal
ustrade. "Vale, sed spero non semper! I will re
sume the discussion in propria persona."
And, by Jove, if she didn t come back at him
quick as lightning, and with his own gibberish, too :
"Confido et conquiesco!" she cooed, waving her
handkerchief.
Oh, it was tragical, dash it that was the word,
tragical! And yet the frump looked almost happy.
And as for Frances, except for being amused, her
brother s condition didn t seem to trouble her spirit
at all. But then, dash it, I remembered she was used
to him this way. She did not even wait, but with a
bright smile and a murmured word to me, left her
friend and myself to await Wilkes report.
The frump kind of glared down the deserted vista
of the fine old hall and shrugged her shoulders.
"Everybody loafing, as usual," she muttered
sourly, and she hurled her coat at the carven back
of a great cathedral chair and missed it.
It was clear that her type scorned conventional
ities and knew how to make themselves thoroughly
at home.
"I hope you ll be made comfortable here, Mr.
MY DARLING IS SLANDERED 203
Lightnut," she said, peeling a glove with a jerk, "but
I have my doubts."
And she gave a kind of hollow laugh.
I shifted distressfully. "Oh, really now," I began
protestingly, but she marched right over me :
"I can assure you that a guest here earns a mar
tyr s crown," she said, lifting her eyebrows. Then
she shook her head, her lips compressed.
I coughed. Couldn t say the thing I ivanted to
say, you know seemed too devilish rude. Just
have to stand it when they talk that way. Pugsley
says best thing to do is to purse up your lips and bob
your head you don t have to mean it.
So I just went through all this and threw in a
shrug, too. Thought no use having her mad and
working against me with Frances. Catch the idea?
Simple thing, you know, just to play her with my
finesse.
"Awfully tiresome, these country places," I said
sympathetically. I screwed my glass at a couple of
footmen who came into view at the far end of the
hall, and who were whispering and chuckling about
something. "Things seem to be run a bit loose,
don t you know that s a fact. Don t mind for my
self, but fancy a girl might find it rather trying
visiting here."
By Jove, how she opened her eyes at me sur
prised, I knew, at finding me such a devilish keen
observer. My sympathy touched her, too, for her
eyeballs shone moist of a sudden and I saw her lip
204 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
tremble as she stared. Then she swallowed hard
and slapped her gloves sharply across her palm.
"It s Francis that s to blame for that sort of
thing," she rasped, nodding down the hall.
"Frances?" I ejaculated in protest. "Oh, here, I
say, now "
"You don t know Francis, Mr. Lightnut!" Her
jaw grounded with a snap, and what a look she gave
me! "Wait till you do you just wait!" And
eyes and hands lifted to the ceiling.
I coughed again.
The cat ! And this was my darling s friend !
But her claws raked on : "I tell you you just can t
be familiar with grooms and hail-fellow-well-met
with footmen without demoralizing them and
that s what Francis does." She jerked this out
viciously, and while I gasped, went on : "You know
very well, Mr. Lightnut, if you play cards and drink
and carouse with your men-servants until two or
three o clock in the morning, you can t reasonably
look for respect from them." She breathed heavily.
"The trouble is, Francis has no self-respect no
pride!"
Her uplifted hands fumbled and jerked the hat
from her tossing head. "Sometimes," she breathed
through her teeth, "when I think of Francis, I feel
like I d like to " The words died behind her teeth
as she ground them yes, ground them. She jabbed
the pins into the hat savagely and at random and
tossed it after the coat. And this time she put the
MY DARLING IS SLANDERED 205
ball in a big Benares jar that stood against the
wall.
But I was counting forty- four!
Ever try that when you were angry and wanted to
insult somebody ? Preacher told us about it once at
the old Harvard Union, and / thought it devilish
good idea. Gives you time, you know, to think up
the things to say that otherwise you would be turn
ing over in your mind afterward as the scathing,
clever things you might have said.
So, by the twenty-eighth count, I had her; and
jamming my hands almost through my pockets, I
faced her with a withering frown
"By Jove, if I were you, Miss er " Dash me
if I hadn t forgotten her name! "If you feel that
way, / don t see why the de H m! I mean why
do you stay on here and er sacrifice yourself?"
I drawled this in the most devilish sarcastic way!
"I d pack my jolly trunk and get as far away as I
could."
I added earnestly coaxingly: "And stay away,
you know!"
And I took a deep breath, for I expected to see her
wilt or go straight up in the air. I knew it was a
toss-up for either.
Not she ! She just twisted a sour smile at me.
"Ummh !" she grunted. "Perhaps you don t know
that Francis has suggested that to me several times
frankly and rudely when I have complained.
That may surprise you."
206 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
It did not surprise me not at all, by Jove ! What
did surprise me was that my Frances had ever al
lowed this jolly female barnacle to fasten on her in
this way. Remembered a remark of Jack Ells
worth s about some bounder visiting at his house
that he said "the old man couldn t pry loose with a
crowbar." Devilish coarse way to express it, I had
thought ; but now I understood.
The frump was this sort! Poor Frances! Poor
Frances !
I was just considering the advisability of tactfully
trying to shame this girl into taking the next train,
or whatever it is, back to China, when suddenly my
devilish active mind hit right on the explanation of
her conduct! Bores me, you know, the way things
come to me at times when I am not looking for
them at all. Still, this time, I was rather glad.
Might confound her and put her on the run if she
knew that a shrewd, eagle-eyed man of the world
had penetrated her mask.
So I coughed significantly in lieu of using her
dashed name, and lifted my monocle so I could bore
her sidewise through narrowed eyes.
"Dare say you ve put up with Frances though for
Jack s sake!" I let her have it coldly, deliberately.
"Brother Jack has been a sort of compensation
that sit, eh?"
And I shot her a foxy wink !
That is, I almost did pulled up, though, just on
the brink. By Jove, gave me cold marrows for an
MY DARLING IS SLANDERED 207
instant, thinking how I might have compromised
myself, you know. Besides, I could spare her that
had rubbed it in so devilish raw, anyhow. That
is, you would have thought so ; for that sort of thing
said to a normal Yankee girl would have stirred her
pride or unchained the jolly lightnings from her
eyes you know !
But dashed if this imported freak didn t suddenly
nod with a sort of chokey snuffle and reach out her
hand for mine.
"How you do understand! she crooned unblush-
ingly, and she leaked a big cold tear down upon
my hand and let another splash my cuff and Jen
kins hadn t come with my things yet, dash it! "I
do try to be patient about Francis for Jacky s sake-
he asked me to ; and I do try not to mind the way
things are run, but oh, Mr. Lightnut, what this place
needs is a head!" She almost squeezed my hand,
and blinked damply at me out of her pasty face.
"And then," she snuffled, "I do so want to make a
home for my father and my brothers. They have
never known what it was to have a home think of
it!"
I didn t want to think of it besides, I didn t be
lieve it. I knew people have to have homes, dash it
it s the law. If they go in for that sort of thing-
not having homes, you know they re arrested.
Still, in a rum country like China, it might be differ
ent, of course. However, I didn t take time to give
this much thought, for I was so devilish floored
208 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
irritated, you know at the girl s cold-blooded,
brazen effrontery.
By Jove, I wondered if I could pink her!
I wasn t sure. I had gone at her in a cunning,
subtle way : the hand of steel in the glove of what s-
its-name, you know; the curving, velvet thrust of
the needle rapier all that sort of rot and she had
merely given me back a Roland for my what s-its-
name. I felt a bit dashed, you know.
Idea seized me that perhaps, though, something
more brutally direct would
"See here," I said, fixing my monocle sternly and
folding my arms for I had got back my hand under
pretense of fixing my part. "You don t mean to say
that Jack would ever ask you to take charge here!"
Rather plain and direct, that, don t you think?
Sort of heavy broadsword stroke, you know. But
she took it full and clean never winced or turned a
hair. Just looked thoughtful.
"Yes," she said slowly. "Jacky says it ll have to
come to that some day some arrangement. Neither
of us ever want to marry."
"Oh!"
And my monocle dropped !
Couldn t chirp, another word, you know! Just
stood there, round-mouthed and staring blankly
kind of fascinated, too, dash it and wondering
what particular freak cult hers was. And I felt
myself getting redder and redder every second!
Then the awful thought came to me that this ad-
MY DARLING IS SLANDERED 209
vanced and emancipated dowd had been the friend
and companion of my darling that her poisonous
influence had been felt for months; was being ex
erted still. I wondered how she could look me in
the face, but she wasn t. No, she had switched her
head around and was glaring at the servants down
the hall. So I just swayed there, trying to think,
and boring at the back of her head, till it came to me
dully that her hair didn t match her what-you-call-
ems, and my dashed brain just seized on and clung
to this like a drowning man does to a what-you-may-
call-it.
"Thom-asl" the frump exploded.
One of the footmen who was doubled over, red-
faced and writhing, in the exercise of some pleas
antry with his companion, straightened with an ag
grieved air. He ambled toward us.
"Some specimens that Mr. Billings gathered
plants and foliage; he left them in the car," jerked
the frump. "See they are cared for."
The man nodded indifferently and slouched away.
Her frown gloomed after him and her voice
; snapped at his laggard heels:
"And Flora send Flora to me. Is she asleep
somewhere ?"
She faced me with an acid grimace and shrug.
"You see how it is here, Mr. Lightnut," she
grumbled querulously ; "but you understand !"
Understand! By Jove, yes I thought I did! I
could see that the fellow was just sullen under the
210 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
too free and easy assumptions of a guest from whom
little had been experienced in the way of an occa
sional douceur. And dashed if I blamed him!
But I murmured some jolly rubbish, hoping every
instant that Wilkes would come and lead- me away.
"That s the way with them all here, from the
housekeeper down," she went on gloomily. "They
take advantage of the fact that the mistress of the
house is abroad and the master absorbed and busy.
Her voice quickened sharply : "Then do you think
they care two pins about the authority of a silly girl
who has been allowed to grow up untrained and
ignorant of the first a b c of anything practical?"
I felt my face tingling.
"See here Oh, dash it all !" I protested. "That s
not fair, you know !"
"Fair?" She bit the word out of the air and just
glared at me. "Why, they know she s a fool!"
I opened my mouth two or three times ; then swal
lowed helplessly and grew red. Somehow, it came
back to me a time when I was a little boy and my
nurse had been so shocked when I said "shucks!"
I remembered how that night she read to me a tract
about swear words and told me how when I grew up
to be a big man, I would have to choose whether I
was ever going to learn to swear or not. She said
that if I didn t choose right, a day would come when
I would be oh, so sorry !
And now, dash it, the day had come and I knew
that she was right ! For I was sorry, by Jove !
"IT S all right, miss," Wilkes reported; "at least,
* I hope so. Perkins is with him we ve been
trying to persuade him to have a bath and lie down.
But I don t know "
He shook his head gloomily, then turned to me.
"If you will :ome with me, sir " Then he
added, and it seemed : question: "You must have
made a quick run sir. Seems like only a few min
utes since we gOc Mr. Jack s phone message." His
voice dropped : "From the station house, you know."
"Eh what s that?" I paused with my foot on the
first tread of the stairway. "Jack s phone message
from the station house?" I repeated blankly.
"What are you talking about?"
Wilkes coughed reproachfully. "Why, you know,
sir, he told about being arrested in front of the
Kahoka Apartments. He mentioned that it was
about h m!" He stole a furtive backward glance
at the frump, but she was enjoying herself berating
a fat girl she addressed as "Flora." He looked at
me eloquently and whispered: "About his h m
stealing some black silk pajamas."
211
212 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
My monocle dropped, and I almost did myself.
"By Jove !" I gasped feebly.
"Yes, sir." Wilkes looked up at the paneled ceil
ing and stroked his chin. "He mentioned that they
found them or thought they found them in the bag
he had with him."
"But he s got them on, and they are his own," I
managed to get out.
Wilkes face lightened understandingly. "Oh-h, I
see, sir," he said, nodding with his jolly chin hang
ing; "so that s how you got him off I was a-won-
dering!" He looked at me, his fishy old eyes twin
kling admiration. "Very neat, if I may say, sir
making, as it were, a sort of alibi very neat, in
deed ! Of course, when they puts em on him, they
see for themselves they are his n, and not any lady s
what had been stolen Oh, / see!"
Dash me, if 7 did ! The only thing I saw was that
it must have been Jenkins that had telephoned and
the message had been twisted. What he had said, of
course, was that Billings had almost been arrested.
But the police finding the pajamas in his bag I did
not like that. Could it be that, after all, Billings
had found his sister s pajamas in the guest-room and
had quietly confiscated them? It looked devilishly,
ominously like it! Or perhaps he, himself, had re
covered them from Foxy Grandpa, and with more
delicacy than I thought him capable of, had kept the
whole matter to himself. One thing only was cer
tain : the sleuth hounds of the law, stimulated by the
A MESSAGE AND A WARNING 213
extravagant reward I had offered over the telephone,
had run down and recovered her pajamas. It was a
relief that they were out of his hands, anyhow
/ could get them again, but he couldn t. By Jove !
Alone in my room, I stood before the mirror,
hands in pockets and rocking on my toes kind of
smiling, you know and thinking what a daredevil,
reckless thing it had been clever, too, dash it in
getting them away from old Jack, and right under
his nose. By Jove, I felt a bit proud about it sort
of exultation, don t you know and I had just got
off a wink at myself, when Wilkes appeared again.
"Pardon, sir, for disturbing you, but Mr. Billings
is acting so queer, we are afraid to cross him ; and he
just insisted I take his message to you at once."
"Message?" I repeated, sobering.
"Yes, sir something about some pajamas "
"Pajamas?" I faltered, and I dropped into a chair.
"Oh!"
Wilke? looked grave. "Pajamas seem to be the
thing with him this time, sir it s the queerest go!
That s a nezu one, that is!" He shifted contem
platively. "The last time it was lizards and the time
before blue dachshunds, but his main stand-by, so to
speak, is piebald rattlesnakes them we re used to;
but this new turn, pajamas, gets me !" He shook his
head dubiously. "And he won t take his off you
can t get him to; he just gets kinder peevish and
goes off on the queerest streak of freak talk you
ever heard. Perkins tried to coax him to take a
2i 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
bath, but he said he never had taken a bath in his life
and he called Perkins something awful some
name about a yard long. It squelched Perkins so
that he "
"But the message?" I suggested nervously.
"I was just a-coming to that, sir. He asks me if
I knew whether you were still on the place; and
when I said you were, he says to me kinder excited
and impressive like : Well, you go to him at once
at once and tell him I m on the trail of the mystery
of those pajamas, and I ll soon know as much about
em as he does. Just tell him that he ll know what
I mean. "
"Oh !" I gasped shortly.
"Yes, sir," Wilkes nodded, "but that ain t quite
all. He says : Tell Mr. Lightnut that when I first
saw those pajamas in his rooms Wilkes paused
inquiringly. "Did you say something, sir?"
I had not I had only groaned !
He went on, repeating as by rote : " When I
found and took them away, I was curious and
amused, but skeptical firmly skeptical of there
being any dark mystery about them. But now I
know I let myself be deceived and I mean to get at
the bottom of the whole thing.
Wilkes seemed to kind of waver and fade before
me, and then go out like a candle. Then he came
back into view and I heard his voice again :
And what s more 1 , you tell him I say
The butler hesitated and seemed embarrassed
A MESSAGE AND A WARNING 215
his heavy jowls reddened a little. He looked beyond
me and coughed.
"Of course you know, sir," he said, shifting un
easily, "Mr. Billings ain t exactly himself, so to
speak, so you mustn t mind. Fact is if I may say
so he s got the most considerable case of jimmies
I ever see him with, so "
"Oh, go on !" I breathed miserably.
"Yes, sir h m!" Wilkes heaved distressfully,
then drove doggedly ahead : "Oh, well, sir, what he
says was that it was his duty, he thought, to tell the
family the truth about those pajamas, so that they
\vould know that the man they were harboring under
their roof wasn t what he seemed to be." His gaze
bored higher over my head, his voice tapering off so
faintly I could hardly hear.
But I heard all right ! Oh, yes, I got the full dev
ilish force of it ; but I couldn t speak. My dry lips
touched wordlessly and I hunched deep into the hol
low of the big leather rocker. I would have liked
to get even deeper, and I studied wistfully a tiny
floor-crack under the radiator. I thought I could
make it if I were alone!
Wilkes coughed again. I winced there was evi
dently more !
"Yes, sir," he murmured, as I cut a quick glance
upward. "He did say further that if you weren t
satisfied, though, and would prefer another trial
"Eh?" I bounded out of the chair. "What s
that ? Oh, dash it, yes I would, by Jove !"
216 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Very good, sir." Wilkes looked relieved, him
self. "In that case, he said he was willing to experi
ment again that was his word experiment. He
said he wouldn t detain you here on his account, but
he would have to ask you to stay another day or two
while he made his observations."
It was a devilish cold shoulder, but I had no
choice. Fact was, by Jove, I was so jolly glad for
that chance, and for being trusted again by Billings,
even in this half-hearted way, that I just ground my
pride under my heel why, dash it, I would have
ground anything under my heel for her! I was as
happy as a bird, and life was again one grand, sweet
what s-its-name.
"Tell him certainly, Wilkes, and thank him don t
forget to thank him." And I believe I wrung his
hand. "And er wait, Wilkes couldn t you use
a tenner?" I checked him on the threshold. "Let s
see no, that s a twenty say, take that; take them
both thank you, Wilkes! and there s a five, too.
Oh, yes, you must take it all I have no use for it,
you know never would use those particular ones !"
And, by Jove, he took it just made him, you
know. These butlers are not half bad fellows if you
go at them right I can always manage them. He
sympathized with me you could see that dashed
if the fellow wasn t almost weeping as he closed the
door.
And then I just flopped down upon a divan and
lay there panting like a what s-its-name reaction,
A MESSAGE AND A WARNING 217
you know. So he had known ! He had known when
he let me come to Wolhurst, and had waited for the
moment when he would have me under his roof and
be able utterly to confound me. This, then, ex
plained his mental condition, his relapse to drink
again his madness on the subject of pajamas. It
was awful! By Jove, as I lay there thinking of his
suspicions and diseased imaginings induced by his
monstrous folly of drink the awful curse of drink
and of what it had almost brought upon two inno
cent lives, I felt indignant almost sick. Lay there
helpless, wishing Jenkins would come, and wonder
ing if I wasn t getting a bit feverish mouth dry
and craving moisture, you know. But not a thing
could I find in the room except a glass and empty.
Carafe beside it, but nothing in it but water, you
know, and a large, round ball of ice. So just had to
fall back on the couch and try not to think of my
throbbing, swollen tongue.
Mind got to wandering then, I think. Thought of
Frances and how much I loved her, and of cooling
streams fizzy and gurgling and of amber foun
tains, crested with sparkling, pearly sunbursts you
know ! I even got to wondering if she really loved
me fact! And then came the disquieting thought
of how devilish disappointing and awful it would be
if Jenkins should forget a stock of my Egyptian
Koroskos. What was it she had told me that night
about being engaged to another and wanting to be
free, now that she had met me the darling ! Then,
218 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
dash me if I could remember to save me whether
Jenkins had or had not said something to me that
morning about packing my ashes-of-roses socks and
ties or was it about my lilac silk underwear with
the mauve fleur-de-lis ? Devilish annoying I couldn t
remember. Of course it was this that was making
her so reticent and offish about any reference to the
other night I mean it was this thing of being en
tangled with this other chap. So jolly sensitive and
high-minded, don t you know, she didn t want to
talk about our future until she had dumped the other
fellow in the road that was it.
Struck me suddenly that there was some jolly
proverb thing about it : something about the old love
and the new some dashed wise, old, musty rot
about that. What the deuce was it?
And luckily, just then Jenkins came!
And when he had laid out my things, and I found
I was to wear a scarf of Harvard crimson the
color she admired I was so devilish pleased and
grateful to Jenkins for the decision that I thought
that now I would let him have a try at the proverb.
"I say, Jenkins," I began carelessly, "there s some
jolly saying or proverb eh, you know?"
"Certainly, sir," responded Jenkins absently, for
he was intensely concentrated on the selection of a
scarf-pin.
I went on : "It s about oh, don t you know
about when you ve tried being engaged to one person
and you don t like it, and you are thinking of being
A MESSAGE AND A WARNING 219
engaged to another something of that sort, dash it
oh, you know!" And I wondered if it would be
the sardonyx or the ruby, and hoped it would be the
ruby.
"Mm-m-m," murmured Jenkins, blinking thought
fully. "Let s see, sir it ain t that one about the
hair of the dog, is it?"
"Hair of the Certainly not!" I exclaimed with
indignation. "No, it s some jolly saw about being
off with the old and on with " I stalled.
"Off and on," came quickly from Jenkins; then
he went back to his jolly pins.
"Maybe," I said, trying to think, "but there s
something else about being on with the new or be
ing on to the new Oh, yes, the devilish thing
starts off : Tis well to be off um, off Dash it,,
off what? You catch the idea, don t you ?"
"Certainly, sir." He tried the ruby and sardonyx
in turn against the silk and rejected both he took a
garnet. It wouldn t have been my taste, but then it
wasn t my business, you know! His jolly old lips
moved as he repeated something to himself ; he rolled
his eyes to the ceiling and cleared his throat and
then I knew he had it !
"I don t seem to remember it, sir not precisely
h m but could it be this : Tis well to be off-
He paused with finger on chin, rolling his eyes up
ward.
"Oh, dash it, yes.!" I said disgustedly. "Why, /
told vou "
220 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
He lifted his hand. " Tis well to be off and
on And he stuck again, dash it ! Then his lips
worked some more and his face cleared. "Oh, here
it is, sir I ve got it now! See if this ain t it :"
And he laid it off with his fingers the way a
woman counts the words in a telegram to keep from
going over ten :
" Tis-well-to-be-off-and-on-with-the-old-love, but-
don t-let-on-to-the-new there you are, sir!"
"By Jove!" I exclaimed, batting at him; and the
brushes in my hands paused and pulled hard on each
side of my pait. "Oh, I say!" And I had him re
peat it again.
The thing troubled me! Odd I had not more
carefully noticed before the wording of the jolly
thing! But then of course my interest in it had not
been so dashed personal as now. Kept running in
my head now and disturbing me all the while Jen
kins was busying himself about me. And then, as if
I didn t have quite enough already to try me, Jenkins
at the last moment chucked the crimson scarf alto
gether, and slipped through my collar a Persian bat !
By Jove, I was so dashed annoyed, I took it from
him to tie myself.
"Off and on with the old love !" It kept whisper
ing itself in my ear till I hardly knew what I was
doing. Could it be that she would but, oh, dash it,
no! I knew she wouldn t! And yet another chap
might come along and she might find she would
rather be engaged to him! Oh, but I was sure she
A MESSAGE AND A WARNING 221
was not so variable as that. Still a vague fear kept
recurring; a miserable, tiny, pricking doubt the
crumpled what s-its-name in the bed of down, you
know that sort of thing!
What the deuce was the best thing to do?
"Pardon, sir," came in Jenkins voice, and in the
glass I saw his head piking anxiously over my shoul
der; "but / think with them changeable kind, the
best thing to try for is a sudden, firm knot!"
"Eh ?" I said, staring. And then I whirled upon
him, seizing both his hands.
"By Jove, Jenkins!" I exclaimed admiringly.
"What a perfectly out-and-out corking idea a reg
ular ripper, you know ! How devilish clever of you,
dash it!"
"Certainly, sir!" Jenkins batted a little always
does when I notice these little things so modest,
don t you know.
But I had the idea now, and I gripped it tight
along with my monocle, as, ten minutes later, I
sauntered down the stairs.
I would speak to her father at once !
CHAPTER XXIV
I SPEAK TO HER FATHER
"OO glad to see you here, my boy," the judge was
^-J saying. And his little round face beamed at
me across the library table. I had encountered him
in the hall just as I had descended to rejoin the girls
in the living-room. Forthwith, he elbowed me into
the library.
"Know from Jack how glad you always are to
escape girls," he remarked cheerily as he produced
cigars. "Don t blame you at all in fact, do you
know it refreshes me to find
Don t know what dashed thing it refreshed him
to find, for I never caught it. For just then through
the doorway there floated, from across the hall, a
bar of music the laugh of the dearest girl in the
world !
I strained for another bar.
"Hah!" ejaculated the judge, pausing with ques
tioning uplift of cigar. "The silly cackle of those
girls it disturbs you. Yes, it does I can see it
you look disturbed." And, dash it, he insisted upon
closing the door. "You mustn t let them bother you
while you are here," he urged pleasantly; "you must
just go ahead and do the thing you want to do."
222
I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 223
By Jove, there seemed little opportunity for it !
"Thanks awfully," I murmured feebly.
The judge proceeded genially: "Of course we
all understand that you just came up to Wolhurst
to please Jack." Then his face clouded. "H m!
Sorry to learn that he came home with another "
his eyes rolled through a circle "er is not feel
ing just fit. It s too bad, for I wanted some one to
take you over the neighborhood interesting land
marks, you know, reminiscent of Major Andre and
Washington Irving."
"Charmed, I m sure," I chirped up. Jolly lie,
though, for I wasn t impressed; didn t know who
the other fellow was, but I had seen Irving in Lon
don scores of times. Not a patch on John Drew
to my thinking !
The judge was murmuring something apologetic :
"So I can t go with you, myself, you see but I
know you will understand. Just so infernally tied
up with preparation of rebuttal in suit the attorney-
general is bringing against one of my corporations
most unreasonable thing you ever heard of! The
judge crossed his legs with a fling of impatience and
pulled savagely at his cigar. "By George, Lightnut,
we are getting to a pass with politics where party
organization is going to the dogs don t you think
so, eh?"
"Oh, dash it, yes rotten, you know!" I worked
off indignantly her father, don t you see! Sat
wondering when I would get to see her by Jove,
224 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
they would have to let me see her at luncheon! I
just caught back in time to get the end of a sentence :
"Utter defiance of personal obligations!" His
hands spread eloquently. "Tell me what is the use
of electing men to office, when they time-servingly
yield before the clamor of the cursed populistic and
revolutionary spirit of the times?" He was leaning
toward me now, his jolly face swelling with indigna
tion, his fist beating upon his knee. "What has be
come, Mr. Lightnut," he pounded, "of the time-hon
ored sanctity of the gentleman s agreement eh?
Where now the pact conventa?"
"Where?" I shrugged, and I let it go at that, pre
tending to be busied with a match ; for dash me if /
knew ! Never had seen it even in fact, didn t care
a jolly hang if I never did, don t you know.
He went on hammering: "Here I ve got to go
and stultify myself, arguing against my own de
cision when I was on the bench !" He snorted. "It s
perfectly abominable, sir outrageous!"
And the judge hurled his little body back into the
chair and furiously pumped himself into a cloud of
smoke. He glared at me expectantly, and I knew I
had to come up.
"Beastly bad form, you know!" I tried, sending
a great funnel upward and frowning after it. Fact
was, I never took any interest in political questions
dashed bore, you know. Wondered if he would
spring them much when Frances and I were
"Urn well, I should say so!" he grunted; and
I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 225
my jerk sent ashes all over me. But I saw that he
was just mollified because I agreed with him. Best
system, Pugsley says, is always to agree with every
body in politics "humor em gently, just like chil
dren," were his exact words; "you know it really
don t matter !"
"And now, let s see," resumed the judge, bright
ening. "I wonder who we can get to take you !" His
fingers drummed together thoughtfully. "Urn, of
course, there is Francis " my heart took a jolly
leap "but Francis is impossible quite impos
sible!"
"By Jove, no!" I ejaculated eagerly, and I came
up in my chair like a galvanized what s-its-name.
"Just the thing be delighted, you know."
He smiled grimly. "Natural you should say that,
but : " He expectorated with deliberation, glower
ing at me as he did it. "No, sir!" His head shook
with decision. "Wouldn t do I wouldn t think of
trusting you with Francis," he finished shortly.
"O!" Just a gasp, you know; and my jolly
cheeks stung as from a dash of fiery what s-its-name
sauce. So he knew about the pajamas, too!
I half rose from my chair.
"I I assure you, sir " I began stiffly.
His fussy shrug checked me. "No, no, we ll just
have to wait till Jack gets up. The only thing I m
anxious about is the scenery and the view points ;
and I just know if Francis went with you, you
would never see any of it."
226 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
By Jove, I thought that quite likely enough, but
of course it was devilish personal of him to say
so. And dash seeing the scenery and view points,
anyway who wanted to see them, if they could
see her? I was just going to suggest this, when he
went on :
"The fact is He hesitated, then flicked his
ashes with a sigh. "Oh, well, since I ve said as
much as I have, I should go further, I suppose. It s
only fair not to leave you in the dark, especially as
my daughter was enthusiastically telling me just
now" puff "that she already looks on you as one
of the family."
"By Jove, did she though?" I hitched to the
front of the chair. "How dev I mean how
He nodded. "And so I feel justified in talking
to you frankly not that I want to prejudice you
against Francis, you understand, but just because"
his head wagged soberly "Francis won t do!"
And he looked at me steadily.
Something like a sharp pain struck through me.
Again and this time from her own father! I just
sat there kind of frozen, you know, except that I
could feel the smile slowly loosening in my face.
He moved to a seat nearer.
"I don t like to seem to be disparaging my own
flesh and blood, Mr. Lightnut," he proceeded
gravely, "but the truth is Francis is the only one of
my children that gives me any anxiety."
"Oh!" I felt myself shrink together, my knees
I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 227
slanting away from him. My dashed monocle hung
limp.
He angled closer. "Jack s drinking is bad that
I admit, but perhaps h m he comes by it natu
rally; still Jack has never forgotten that he is a
gentleman the son of a gentleman and has never
been what you would call fast, but " His chest
lifted under a deep breath "but Francis -whew!"
"Fast Frances?" It faltered tremulously from
my lips ; my cigar dropped with a soft thud.
His eyes widened. "Oh, yes frightfully!" And
he tendered me another cigar, and I had to light it
he made me! "Of course, the mistake was in
ever sending Francis away to school not always a
wise thing, Mr. Lightnut, especially when the home
life has been too cloistered. I think the reaction
was too much for one so green and inexperienced
as Francis. And extravagance my!" He lifted
his hands. "I thought Jack was bad enough at
Cambridge with a thousand-dollar apartment on the
Gold Coast, as you call it and, by George, you
Harvard men have got the right name for it! but
Francis beat that in one term s drain on me for
poker losses and "
"Poker?" I moistened my lips. Then I bright
ened, for perhaps he meant bridge and that was
good form, for there was my Aunt Julia, who lived
by it fact! But his head shook impatiently when
I suggested that he meant this.
"Bridge!" he exploded. "Why, Francis doesn t
228 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
know bridge from casino! Poker, I tell you, and
faro and all the rest. The plucking was done
nightly at a certain er club, the establishment of
a gentleman by the name of McGinty Spot Mc-
Ginty oh, you know the place, then?"
For I had gasped audibly. "Only only by repu
tation," I responded hastily.
"Urn, dare say it has got reputation/ all right. I
guess, too, there are more crooked things than
streets within a couple of miles of Harvard Square,
eh? Why, do you know, Francis and a couple of
classmates were caught in a raid there one night
and lugged off to the station in a patrol I had to
bail em out by wire. That s how / know about the
place." And, discriminatingly, he selected a fresh
cigar and lighted it.
"You you don t mean they were really ar
rested?" I faltered.
He nodded grimly through a funnel of smoke.
"How could they help being? Why, dammit, they
were too drunk to get away!" He settled in his
seat with a scowl. "I can tell you it was all I could
do to stave off expulsion !"
My jolly head spun. By Jove, Radcliffe girls
must have moved on some since my day! Then
they were coldly intellectual w T ent in strong for
the earnest life, you know the serious purpose ex
istence all that sort of thing. All of us looked on
them with more or less awe that is, except Smith-
ers; he tried some intimate flirtations, one morn-
I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 229
ing with a bunch in the Botanic Gardens and got
stung. He said they were "prunes."
But Frances and "Spot" McGinty s! Surely I
had not heard aright.
I I faced him earnestly. "I er Judge Billings,
do I understand you that is, it can t be that you are
speaking of er Frances?" I stammered incredu
lously. "I mean your Frances surely you are
not!"
"I just am!" His jaw set with a snap. "J ust
who I m talking about and nobody else, young man!
I mean, my Francis Francis Leslie Billings who
else could I mean?" He almost groaned. "Oh,
you don t knozv Francis !"
Dash it, what they all chorused at me! They
seemed pretty positive about it, too, and I was jolly
miserable ; but looking back now, I somehow think
of that moment as being the point where I reached
the parting of the what-you-call- ems. Didn t know
what to think, but knew I had to make up my mind
right then and there and for always, don t you
know. Knew, of course, that it was just pure luck
that Frances cared for me realized jolly well I
wasn t particularly clever and all that, you know;
but she didn t seem to mind. It was then that it
came to me all of a sudden that the only dashed
thing in all the world that I could give her, that she
didn t seem to have already from somebody, was
well just trust.
And, by Jove, as soon as I got hold of this per-
230 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
fectly corking idea, I knew I had it for life, and
well, nothing else mattered in all the world, you
know!
Meantime, her father was studying me a little
oddly and smiling.
"I see you don t quite like what I say about Fran
cis," he remarked, puffing complacently.
I looked him straight in the eye. "Frankly, I
don t, if you must know," I blurted. Then I
screwed my monocle tight and straightened for
ward. "By Jove, I think you ought to be ashamed
of yourself, you know!"
"Wh what s th&ttLightmit!" He turned a
beet color and grasped the arms of his chair.
"Oh, I do." I stood up and he followed. "I
think if that poor child had had a little er for
bearance and kindness that sort of thing oh, dash
it, I just think you ve been infernally harsh always
yes, I do!"
"Well, I ll be" He swallowed it, neck for
ward, and stood panting a bit. Harsh, eh?" he
jerked at me. "Um!" He stood there, his feet
braced apart, his white brows beetling at the floor.
"Harsh!" He cocked his head on one side, thrust
ing out his heavy under-lip. Then came a sniff and
a grunt, and oh, he looked black !
I was feeling devilish pale you can, you know
and a little trembly from excitement. Wasn t quite
sure what I had said, but knew jolly well I must
have meant it, whatever it was. Knew, of course,
I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 231
that in another minute it would be his come-back
and he would simply slay me. He would look at
me coldly through his glasses, bow with dignity, and
leave the room.
And then
I wondered if Jenkins had a time-table!
And just then came a quick breath, and I caught
a murmur: "I wonder now if, after all, that is
true! By George, they say children and " The
mutter trailed off. "Here, here, my boy sit down,"
he exclaimed suddenly ; and he made me.
"I want to thank you, Lightnut," he said im
pressively. "It may be that you are right. Per
haps the better course would be gently to reason
with Francis."
"Oh, Judge, I am sure of it," I urged feelingly.
"Well, well, my boy we ll see." He patted me
on the knee. "I m going to try your way by
George, I ll do it to-night!" His eyes seemed to
hold me with a more kindly and personal interest.
"Do you know I can t tell you how glad I am that
you find so much in Francis to like; indeed, I am
delighted" Still studying me attentively, he mus
ingly reached for a fresh light. "In point of fact,
Lightnut, I am free to say I hope the intimacy be
gun between you two will grow closer. It would be
a thundering good thing for Francis and a great
comfort to me."
And, by Jove, he smiled at me a devilish pleas
ant smile!
232 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
I sat up straight, uncrossed my legs and tried it
over the other way. Awfully helpful dodge, you
kno\v, when you are under some mental agitation.
He was looking at me through his lashes as he
drew the flame to his cigar, and I knew that now was
the time for me to speak. He expected it had delib
erately given me an opening, and a prime one, and
now was waiting! Of course he couldn t know
that I was so dashed inexperienced unpractised,
you know in speaking to a girl s father and that I
didn t even know the correct forms and usages. An
out-and-out man of the world like Judge Billings
just couldn t understand this, don t you know, and
to have him suspect the truth oh, it would have
been too mortifying too humiliating, dash it!
So I just leaned forward and made a go :
"Thanks awfully; and er by the way Then
I stuck, boggled wildly an instant and went on :
"That is to say, this intimacy, you know has it
been too short to justify I gulped. "Er would
you be willing to trust And I lost the dashed
idea again, floundered a bit and took another shy:
"Oh, I say, you know, have I your permission to
speak to Frances er you know ?"
"You speak to Francis?" he just leaped toward
me "Why, my boy!" And he was wringing my
arm with one hand while the other clasped my shoul
der. "My de-e-ear boy -why, Lightnut !" By Jove,
he almost gushed! "You re not joking now, are
you ?" He peered anxiously into my face. "No, by
I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 233
George, I believe you really mean it!" And he went
to pumping like mad. "How awfully good of you
self-sacrificing is the word ! Are you quite sure you
don t mind ?"
"Mind?" By Jove, I think I looked what I felt
at such a dashed silly question.
"Well ! well ! well! My dear young friend !" And
oh, he went on in the most disgusting way why,
dash it, you would have thought I was doing him
some favor ! I guessed, though, that it was the usual
custom, but it seemed rum for 7 should have
thought that in giving your daughter away, you put
the thanks up to the other fellow. But Pugsley says
the rule varies quite often varies ! Anyhow, I felt
so gratified that I had taken the honorable course
and spoken to her father understand so many do
not at all, you know. As it was, it gave me quite
a comfortable glow of pride, and I reflected how
much better it always is to follow the wise dictates
of your what s-its-name !
"By Jove!" I thought, as I nodded and smiled
back, "I wonder what he would say if he knew that
Frances and I are already engaged !"
CHAPTER XXV
THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP
T) RESENTLY I got in a word :
"Then, Judge, I have your permission to
speak to Frances ?"
"Permission?" He lifted his hands and eyes.
"You certainly have, my boy don t I make it clear?
Why, I m simply delighted and grateful oh, so
grateful to you!"
And, by Jove, he meant it there was no mistak
ing his fervency! But it made me feel like a silly
ass, you know. Custom or no custom, it just made
me a bit nifty to think her father would speak this
way. Might be good form, but it appeared rotten
taste lots of things seem that way, dash it! Sug
gested this to Pugsley once, but he was so devilish
shocked couldn t eat his luncheon wasn t able to
fetch a dashed word for four hours !
"Why, Lightnut," he dropped to a chair, leaning
forward, with shining eyes, "you can t possibly
know what this means just at this time! Why, if
3 ou hadn t offered to speak to Francis, it s not likely
that any one else ever would !"
"Judge!" I ejaculated, shocked.
234
THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 235
"Who would want to?" And he grimaced hor
ribly.
"Oh, I say now!" I protested warmly.
"My boy, I tell you I know you don t!" He
lifted his hand eloquently, deflecting the corners of
his mouth oh, such a way ! "No, siree, I tell you
there s not another living man would dare chance
it !" He threw himself backward, puffing his cheeks
at me and walling his eyes frightfully. "In fact,
hereabouts where Francis is known, there have
been two men only just two who ever had the
temerity to do it."
"Oh!" I commented. Wondered if one of these
was the other chap she was engaged to.
He proceeded impressively : "One of these, my
dear sir, was our rector a most charming and ven
erable old man, now nearly eighty-three and par
tially paralyzed and deaf; lives a sweet, patient life
all alone, you know, with no one in the world to
care for him. Well, sir," he stiffened dramatically,
leveling one finger at me, "do you think that Francis
would even listen to him?"
Did I? Well, dash it, did I?
But I tried to mumble something polite.
"And then " he puffed as he relighted his cigar,
"there s Jack s chauffeur, you know."
"Eh, Jack s what s that?" I gripped the arms of
my chair.
"Yes," he nodded, "Jack s chauffeur. Oh, I was
so disappointed at the result of his effort!" The old
236 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
gentleman slipped back in his chair with a sigh.
"Francis just swore at him, you know!"
By Jove !" I managed to get out and yet, some
how, I was devilish pleased about it.
"You see?" And he spread out his hands. "Ab
solutely no sense of appreciation, you observe; and
it had seemed such a splendid chance! You see
they had been so intimate oh, are still, for that
matter."
I caught my breath. "In intimate!" I stam
mered. "You don t mean Frances and this chauf
feur?"
"Oh, yes," carelessly, "Scoggins is all right ; very
superior young man for his position fond of Fran
cis, you know, and I really think has great in
fluence." He puffed complacently an instant. "Fact
is, they are always together when Francis is home"
puff "motoring, boating, or else off somewhere
camping together."
"Wha-at what s that not camping?" I looked
at him aghast. "Oh, come now, Judge really you
don t mean that, do you not camping together?"
I spoke excitedly, but he just stared at me with
an expression of blank surprise.
"Eh? Why, certainly, my dear boy for weeks
at a time and why not?" His shift manifested
some impatience. "Pshaw, Lightnut," he growled,
flicking his ash, "what s the odds why be so par
ticular? / don t mind!" He jammed his hands into
his trousers pockets till it seemed he would go
THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 237
through them. "I tell you, I m glad I m dem
ocratic !"
"Oh !" I uttered, seeing a light.
So that was it! Well, in any case, I knew now
that I was a republican, by Jove ! Never did know
before what I was and it was a devilish relief to
find out. Half made up my mind, then and there,
I would vote next election never had, you know;
few of our set ever did. Pugsley, for one, held it to
be doubtful form.
"Bright, self-made young man," I caught as I
came back. By Jove, he was still talking about that
beastly chauffeur! "Such fine morals, you know."
"Oh, dash it, yes!" And I think this must have
been when I broke the corner out of a filling.
"That was why I was so sorry he failed with
Francis," he continued regretfully, "but you may
succeed better oh, I don t know but what it will
do just as well !"
"Thanks er awfully!" I murmured weakly.
"Oh, I think so oh, yes!" He bobbed his head
as though he were quite resigned to it then went
on thoughtfully :
"And anyhow, if Francis finds you are in deadly
earnest, why it " His voice dropped off musingly :
"Well, I believe that would make it easier oh, lots
easier for Scoggins."
I blinked a little with my free eye.
Wasn t sure, you know, but somehow it seemed
to me a rum thing to say almost offensive, dash
238 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
it! But then, for that matter, everything was rum
of late so that counted for nothing. Fact was, it
just seemed to me like there was something in the
air everybody seemed so queer well, jolly mud
dled, I should call it! Idea had been gradually
coming to me that I was the only one who appeared
to have any clear understanding of things; and
somehow the realization just made me devilish nerv
ous the responsibility, don t you know !
And just then the judge looked suddenly at his
watch, muttered something, and hitched up to the
table strewn with papers. He bent over these with
a frown, coughed oddly, glanced at me and bent
again with a mutter. Of course, I saw he was an
noyed over sudden consciousness of the break he
had made, and was striving to cover his embarrass
ment.
And, by Jove, it seemed to me he ought to fed
embarrassed, for the very rummest thing yet was
this crazy infatuation for this infernal chauffeur.
It was pitiful oh, disgusting, if you ask me
and the more so because it was something she did
not share. I knew she didn t, you know! No, it
was plain enough, dash it, that between her fa
ther and this mucker of a chauffeur, my poor dar
ling was being crowded to the what s-its-name.
This was what she had meant had hinted at and,
by Jove, I was ready to wager anything on it ; eager
to put up all I was worth, you know !
Didn t know, dash it, how much I was worth
THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 239
Went down in Wall Street one day and asked old
Morley, my man of affairs, but forgot what he said.
Never could remember afterward whether it was
one million or ten and always hated to ask again.
Truth was he had stared at me so and seemed so
oddly surprised, I just worked off some jolly apolo
getic rubbish and got out. Pugsley thought I must
have violated some rotten, silly law of commercial
ethics that sort of thing, you know ; declared that
his attorney had had the dashed impertinence once
to ask him about some investments, so he got an
other man and gave him a power of what s-its-
name. Never was bothered now, he said, by checks
or reports or any boring distractions of that sort ;
this man just kept him supplied with money, and
once in a while he scrawled his name on something
all he had to do. Devilish simple, you see, but
then Pugsley is so ingenious, so oh, clever, you
know.
"H m!" coughed the judge, "Er h m!" And I
stopped snapping the cover of my cigarette case,
thinking he was about to say something, but he did
not look up. By Jove, how I wished that he were
really busy, so I might slip out without danger of
offending him ! But I was afraid to chance it did
so want to rub him right, don t you know, on ac
count of Frances. Knew he was still feeling a bit
plucked over his slip of the tongue showed plainly
he was bothered, you know; you could tell by his
puckered brows and the way he kept clearing his
240 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
throat. So meantime, knowing that the best thing
was to appear unconscious just give him time, you
know I fell carelessly to jingling some coins in my
pocket and tapping my foot upon the hardwood, as
I hummed a devilish neat little air from La Juive
that I almost knew by heart :
"Qu il, Vapprenne de vousf
Helas, je vous implore, benissez mon epoux "
By Jove, I had just got that far, when he shook
his head with a kind of snort, threw down his pen,
and got to his feet, facing me with a sickly smile.
"I am going to asfe you to excuse me, my dear
Lightnut" came right out frankly like that, you
know! "But the fact is " he opened and shut his
watch nervously, you know "I have just realized
how"
But I stopped him couldn t let him go on, of
course : "Oh, I say, you know ! Not another word,
my dear Judge I don t care a jolly hang, dash it!"
And to show him. I smiled, got out a cigarette, and
perched kind of sidewise on the edge of the table.
"I m not a bit sensitive, don t you know !"
He stared. "Indeed, no I see you are not!" he
said warmly.
I drew a light a bit airily. "Of course," I puffed,
"what you are thinking of is your servant, but I"
I shot him a light wink "I ve got to think a little
about my own affair, don t you "
"Lightnut!" He caught me by the arms, his face
THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 241
reddened almost black. "My dear boy, ten thou
sand pardons ! I assure you "
"That s just all right, Judge," I reassured him
soothingly. "All I am holding out for is just to be
sure we understand each other about Frances that
I may be sure I have your authority "
"So that s it!" He relaxed with a deep breath.
Then quietly : "My dear boy, you make me ashamed
of myself I was rude!" And he shook my hand.
"Yes, indeed you just go right ahead ; almost any
thing is preferable to the vicious life Francis is lead
ing anything!" He sighed and his voice dropped
confidentially: "I m afraid even you would be dis
couraged if I told you of one or two disgraceful epi
sodes at Cambridge I know Scoggins would be!"
Scoggins again always Scoggins! Dash Scog
gins ! Of course he would be discouraged, but I
should not. Devilish simple reason, you know
wouldn t believe it, by Jove !
"Yes, I learned all about it from my daughter
when she came home," he proceeded gloomily ; "she
feels that in a measure it has marred Miss Kirk-
land s visit with her."
Miss Kirkland ! I recalled now that that was the
name of the girl from China. By Jove, / preferred
to thmk of her as the frump !
"For Miss Kirkland heard the gossip at Cam
bridge seems she has friends there among the resi
dents ; and they were kind enough to tell her of
these things of the year before as soon as they no-
242 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
ticed how devoted Francis was to her. At least this
is what my daughter suspects Miss Kirkland is not
the kind to talk, you know."
Oh, wasn t she! By Jove, I wondered what he
would think if he had heard our conversation in the
hall ! But it wasn t for me to tell him he was warm
ing a what s-its-name to his bosom, so I just mum
bled a reply.
"Nevertheless," he shrugged, "it is easy to see
that she can t stand the sight of Francis." He shook
his head dismally. "Charming girl, Mr. Lightnut
a rare and perfect type of the English beauty at her
best."
Oh, was she! Not if I knew anything about it,
and I had seen three seasons in London. By Jove,
I was so terribly shocked I could just feel it in my
face!
He seemed surprised. "Don t you think so?" he
insisted.
"Well, I rather don t, you know !" It just blurted
out of itself. "Oh, I say now, you re not really in
earnest?" And I screwed my glass so hard in my
embarrassment, I hurt my eye "You know she s
a freak! Why, dash it I pulled up, for after
all, she was a fellow guest.
He stared, jammed his hands deep in his pockets
and bent toward me. "Now, look here, my boy, do
you mean to say you don t think Miss Kirkland a
beautiful and winning girl?" I guess he did see I
meant it, for he slowly emitted an expressive whis-
THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 243
tie "Well, you are hopeless then utterly hope
less!" and dash it, he just groaned!
"But now, my dear young friend," he went on,
and with a glance at the littered table, "I want you
to go out and get some fresh air before the bloom
of the morning is past if you go out this way, you
will avoid encountering those girls" his hand gen
tly but firmly urged me. "It has been just abomina
bly selfish of me to have kept you stuffed in here ; I
know I have bored you to death with all this about
the family black sheep I feel that now I must let
you escape."
"Oh, no not at all!" I protested hastily and pull
ing back. Never would do to let him feel that way,
you know ! "Really, pon honor now, thing I want
to do is just stay here and talk to you about
Frances."
"Oh, damn Fran h m I mean Francis will
keep!" He caught himself hastily before the stare
of my glass, fumbling with the papers to cover his
confusion. Then he clapped me on the shoulder,
pressing me again toward the door. "You just go
ahead and do whatever you can with Francis your
self you are my only hope! Or wait, and I ll pre
pare the way for you to-night that s it , that s
best!" and he went to nodding. Then he halted
my progress and eyed me intently. "There s an
other thing:" his voice dropped "I think it s just
as well Jack shouldn t know of your intentions
about Francis ; he would never approve oh, never!"
244 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
He pursed his lips to just a thin curve as he shook
his head positively. His eyes bored at me over his
glasses. I moistened my lips.
"I know he feels you have already concerned
yourself enough about Francis," he said deliber
ately. "The other night at your rooms er, you
know ! Jack is so particular in those little things.
Ah, there s a model for you !"
He looked upward and wagged his head as he
laid his hand upon the door-knob. By Jove, how
I wished he would open it, for the room was getting
devilish warm!
"And as for things I deplore in Francis oh, no,
never any of that with Jack !" he stiffened proud
ly "he may, as I have said, imbibe a little too
much, now and then ; but when it comes to scandal
well, I have yet to hear the slightest breath "
A sharp knock cut in abruptly.
"Come in !" And he swung the door open.
CHAPTER XXVI
FLORA
IN the doorway stood the butler, looking rather
pale. With him was a woman one of the an
gular sort, you know, and whom I judged to be the
housekeeper.
She wasn t pale ! No, by Jove, she was fiery red,
even to her hair ; and red, too, the anvil sparks that
were snapping from her eyes. She marched right
in, followed by Wilkes, who carefully closed the
door then stood discreetly aloof. Pantingly, she
faced the judge, who was staring at her in amaze
ment.
"Why, Miss Warfield," he began, "what"
"Judge Billings !" she exploded. And, by Jove, it
was like the blast from a mighty bellows! "It s
about Mr. Jack!"
The judge s face flushed apprehensively.
"Jack about Jack?" he repeated. "Is he er
worse?"
"Worse?" The bellows inflated sharply. "Worse
is just it it s the shock of finding out things I
never even suspected!" She whirled upon the but
ler.
245
246 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"You tell him !" she snapped sharply.
Wilkes shivered as under a sudden cold what s-
its-name. He looked at her protestingly, his eye
cutting a suggestive hint of my presence.
"Oh, go on!" the judge nodded to him with
some impatience. "It s all right Mr. Lightnut is
like one of us. Out with it, whatever it is !"
"Yes, sir." Wilkes coughed acquiescence, but
shot a glance, half- reproachful, half -apprehensive,
at the housekeeper.
She straightened, bristlingly.
"Are you going to tell him or not and you a
man? or will you put it on me?" And she began
to inflate again.
The poor devil took the plunge :
"The fact is, sir, Mr. Jack h m!" he fidgeted
through an instant s misery, then let it come : "It s
about him and one of the maids, sir!"
"Wh-a-a-t?"
In the jaw-twisting roar, the judge all but lost his
plate his hand came up just in time to save it. As
for Wilkes, his portly figure seemed to lift, balloon-
like, from the floor for an instant, then settled back.
"It s Flora, sir," he uttered faintly.
"Flora?"
"Yes, sir." And Wilkes quailed before the
judge s brows.
Miss Warfield sniffed.
The judge scowled at her. "Are you both crazy?"
he demanded. "What is all this what is it you
FLORA 247
have to tell ? Say it all in a word one or the other
of you and have done!" His jaw settled with a
snap.
The housekeeper assumed an injured air. "Well,
sir," she said with a toss, "it just means this : either
I or Flora go at the end of this week I give notice
now!"
"All right," said the judge with a sort of bland
ugliness, "then that s settled you go ! That is, un
less you can get right down to brass tacks this in
stant and say what you ve got to say."
And, black as thunder, the old boy laid his hand
upon the knob. By Jove, it did me good to see her
crinkle up !
"I m sure I beg your pardon, Judge," she said,
her voice modifying to a snuffling twang, "but this
has so upset my nerves Mr. Jack, of all men !"
She fumbled for her handkerchief before she found
it Pugsley says they always do! "Such talk, sir!
I never " With a kind of gurgle, she suddenly
flopped into the nearest chair and lay there, wrig
gling like a jolly auto freshly cranked, and snorting
like its horn.
The judge, with head down, glared at her through
his glasses.
"Talk? That s nothing!" he uttered a snort.
"Why, hang it, madam, he s drunk! Can t you have
a little Christian charity and put yourself in his
place? The poor boy doesn t know what he s say-
ing!"
248 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
She looked up with a head jerk. "That s it
that s just what makes it so awful," she sniveled;
"the revelations, you know!"
"Revelations, fiddlesticks!" champed the judge,
and he jerked his head to the butler. "Go on,
Wilkes ! What has Mr. Billings said that s queerer
than er usual ?"
Wilkes rubbed his neck. "Well, sir, to my think
ing, it ain t so much what he s said that s queer
leastwise, it wasn t at first as what he did. First
off, there was his stalling about taking his bath,
which was on-usual, for Perkins says, generally
speaking, he s right keen for it more specially
when he s rather well soused " Wilkes coughed.
"H m ! I beg your pardon, sir ! Anyhow, this time
he wouldn t have it at all ; no, sir ! He was very ex
cited about it kinder out of his head, I may say
and buttonholed me and Perkins and went on a
whole lot about only the under man being no, let
me see, lower man was what he said the lower
man being an an" Wilkes brows contracted as
he strained for it "an am h m funny I can t
remember that word a amfibby something
Well, anyhow, he said he never used water ;r-ter-
nally."
A penetrating moan from the handkerchief star
tled us.
"Then then he never uses it at at all!" came in
a muffled wail.
The judge s teeth glittered at her in one united
FLORA 249
row ; then he jerked a nod to Wilkes. "Go on !" he
commanded shortly.
But the butler was glooming sullenly at the fiery
head that topped the bundle of black.
"He does, too !" he protested. " Cause Perkins
asked him if he wouldn t like some ice-water and he
said he would if he might drink it his own way."
"His own way um well?"
"And when Perkins brought it, he poured it down
his neck yes, sir, every drop "
The master cut in irritably : "His neck con
found it, man, tell your story without slang or
leave off ! You know I detest
"Not slang, sir" hastily "his neck outside, I
mean "
"Oh, stuff !" incredulously "mean to tell me"
"He did, sir I ll swear it !" The butler was re
spectful, but firm as the rock of what s-its-name.
"Perkins tried to stop him and says : Wait a minute,
Mr. Jack you re making a mistake it ain t round
there; it s in front, you know! And he turned on
Perkins with a scowl something awful, and his lan-
gwige well, it wasn t langwige at all! Perkins
thought He paused.
"Um!" The judge had drawn me aside. "The
alienation is unusual what do you think, Light-
nut?" he looked grave "it doesn t seem the ordi
nary hiatus the passing alcoholic dementia, you
know there seems in it something hydrophobic
eh?"
250 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Oh, dash it, yes that s all!" I said offhand-
just took a chance, don t you know !
"Um !" He blinked at me ; then faced square
about. "I guess I d better go up; perhaps when he
sees me "
He halted, leveling a stern glance at Wilkes.
"What the dev what are you grinning about?"
he rasped.
"I m not, sir!" And the butler s hand came
down, revealing a sobered countenance. "I was just
a-wondering if he would try to get you to put on the
pajamas he did all the rest of us, even His eye
angled cautiously at the housekeeper, then batted at
us significantly as her red head wriggled deeper.
"Fact is, I think he s kinder gone off about pajamas
just as I told you, sir." His glance appealed to
me. "Yes, sir, when I took you his message you
know and brought back yours, it was even more
so then."
I felt myself get devilish red, then pale, for the
judge s eyes were on me.
"Yes," he muttered, still looking at me, "he was
telling me something the other day about some silk
pajamas."
And then I knew he knew!
"Yes, sir," continued Wilkes, "when I got back
with your message, Mr. Lightnut, he seemed to get
more excited about them about pajamas, I mean,
He talked to me and Perkins through the door
crack and wanted one of us to put em on in the
FLORA 251
interests of science, he called it and offered to
pass em out."
"Poor fellow poor fellow!" and the judge
looked pitiful "well, why didn t you humor him?"
"I I don t know, sir!" The butler looked em
barrassed. "And, anyhow, it was just then Mrs.
Warfield came, and he tried to get "
"Oo-o-o-o !" from the black bundle.
"And then Wilkes hesitated, looking uneasy.
"Go on, man!"
The butler coughed faintly. "Well, sir, when she
h m refused it was then he asked for Flora.
All right, then you bring me my Flora/ was what
he said, and he sounded irritated like. Beg pardon,
sir? says Perkins, putting his head to the crack
kinder inquiringly. My Flora, man! he comes
back sharp; just find and bring my Flora and
some pins; he seemed particular about the pins
if I ve got to stay alone, I want something to divert
me I want my Flora ! And the butler mopped
his forehead.
The bundle erected itself. "His wild Flora, was
what he said," Miss Warfield corrected sharply ; "he
said he wanted to embrace
"Press," Wilkes corrected in turn.
She inflated with one drive of the piston. "If
there s any difference, 7 don t know it !" came in a
blow-out. And, dash me, if I believe she did. She
looked it, by Jove !
She faced the judge, who was leaning back
252 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
against the table, looking kind of punctured, don t
you know. By Jove, it seemed to me he had grown
five years older in as many minutes !
This seemed to brighten her. "Wanted to press
his wild Flora his very words !" her voice rasped.
My, but that woman looked vicious! She blew
her nose, crossed her hands, and propped herself on
one foot with an air of ladylike resignation.
"I was so shocked you might have knocked me
over with a feather, but I managed to speak to him
I don t know how I ever did it ! and I said :
You don t mean Flora, sir you can t treat Flora
that way! And if you could have seen the way he
flew to pieces ! Why can t I ? he yelled at me. Do
you think I haven t done it before? Exactly what
he said and I could hardly believe my ears; and
then" here she began to wabble and the handker
chief came up "then he he called me a wo-
woman !"
And, by Jove, she was off the road !
But it seemed to give the judge new interest in
life! He just needed some jolly thing, you know;
and now he flared up sudden and went up in the air
like a freshly touched-off what s-its-name :
"A woman?" His cheeks blew out like little red
balloons. "Well, dammit, madam, what are you
aren t you a woman?" hands on hips he just
howled it at her "what do you think you are?"
For an instant she quailed before him like the
FLORA 253
stricken what-you-call-it but only for an instant!
Then her long neck coiled back and her eyes glit
tered beady and snake-like; I heard a sort of rattle
in her throat, and then, of course, I knew she was
going to strike and she did !
"Very good, Judge!" She sniffed it. "Still it s
my duty to tell you or any one that asks me, for
that matter exactly what Mr. Jack said!" She
moistened her lips with the end of a red tongue, and
clucked in a sad, pitying sort of way. "Your son
looked straight at me through the door-crack and
laughed in the most contemptuous way, and he said :
You just leave my Flora to me, woman! This
time you re talking of something you know nothing
about and never did know why, I ve pressed Flora
a thousand times ! yes, sir, just what he said !"
she whirled on Wilkes "you heard him say it,
too!"
The butler s sullen eye-droop admitted it.
"Huh!" And she tossed her head back with a
nasty smile.
By Jove, she had got the judge full and square
you could see it as he stood there looking down,
his face jolly gray and drawn and his under-lip kind
of dragging through his teeth. He was a gamey old
boy, but he had had a devilish hard knock where he
lived you know Jack!
"George!" just a deep breath, you know then
he faced me. "You will excuse me, Lightnut? I
254 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
must see to this." And he walked out, followed by
Wilkes.
Somehow, dash it, it just bowled me over to see
his gray hairs humbled in this way to the what-
you-call-it he had such a devilish few of em left,
too, you know! So, before I knew it, I had walked
right up to the old mountain cat and took a hand
myself.
"I say, you know!" I said, screwing my monocle
down on her. "Too devilish bad you ve got yourself
in such a pickle
"Me in a pickle?" she snorted. "Huh!" and her
ropy neck went up again, but I struck first :
"You ve played smash, don t you know," I went
on, tightening my glass. "Awfully sorry just
wanted to give you a hint. You know this sort of
thing s against the law something or other crim
inal malicious libel or malfeasance or er felo
nious assault or some dashed thing of that sort"
her eyes began to widen "Oh, yes," I drawled,
"you re in for the very deuce of a scrape unless you
keep quiet!"
"Who says so?" she tried to bridle.
"/ do!" I said, boring her steadily. "Witness,
you know! So is Wilkes both of us to whatever
dashed thing it is the judge decides you ve done /
don t know, you know!" I shrugged carelessly.
"But he knows he s a lawyer and of course he ll
explain it to Wilkes and me as witnesses. That s
FLORA 255
what witnesses are for, don t you know ! Better go
to your room and await arrest quietly."
"Oh!" She kind of caught her breath, turning
green and dropping her skinny hand upon a chair-
back. And I was going on explaining to her, when
I looked up and there was Jenkins.
" Pardon, sir," he said, looking at me oddly, "but
there s a caller waiting, and he was so urgent and
particular, I came
"Card !" I suggested, extending a couple of
fingers.
Jenkins looked shocked and his arms remained
rigidly down.
"Oh," I said, polishing my glass, "the gentleman
is he one of my "
"It ain t a gentleman, sir," Jenkins got it out
with difficulty ; "it s only just er a person !"
"Eh ? Oh, I say, now, Jenkins !" I protested.
"A person from the Jenkins blinked. "In fact,
a police person his chin went up and he so far
forgot himself as to indulge in a sniff "come to
see you about " his eyebrows angled a lofty pro
test at the housekeeper s strained poise "h m to
see you about you know!"
I was dashed if I knew but not so Miss War-
field! She gave a sudden gasp and whirled herself
in front of me, hands up and clasped like the other
woman in a jolly play you know.
"Oh, sir !" she tremuloed, "Please please "
256 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Eh?" I said in alarm and stepping back, for,
dash it, / didn t know what she wanted ; and for a
moment I had an awful thought she wanted me to
you know! But the next second, I had her right.
"Urn !" I said, tightening my lips. "Well, I ll see!"
And she looked so white white as the driven
what s-its-name, you know that I felt my devilish
heart go out to her a bit. "All right," I added sooth
ingly, "you just go on about your duties and sit
tight, you know, and I ll see if I can er fix
things !"
And, by Jove, I got past just in time to keep her
from catching my hand and wringing herself over it.
"What the deuce " I began outside, as Jenkins
steered me toward the porte-cochere.
He looked warily at the footman waiting to serve
us at the door dashed if he didn t almost lay his
hand on my arm !
Then, behind his hand : "It s about the pajamas,
sir!"
"Eh?" I gasped, falling back.
He stooped after me and his breath tickled my
ear:
"Hers, sir ! You know, that night h m !"
"Oh!" I said faintly. And this time he did catch
my arm, and I was devilish glad, by Jove !
CHAPTER XXVII
I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS
swinging his club and kicking his
heel in the macadam, I found a fat policeman
from New York, I knew by his helmet.
He turned and I saw O Keefe!
"Oh, there you are, sir!" And with a careless
duck and a wave, he ambled forward and placed in
my hands a parcel.
"It s them, all right!" he said with a fat wink.
"The black silk pajamas we got em, you see !"
"Jove!" I ejaculated, staring. Then suddenly I
got the jolly idea full and strong, you know, and I
was just so dashed relieved and delighted, I shook
hands with him fact !
"Oh, I say, Jenkins," I remarked, twisting my
glass at him, "by Jove, you know eh ?"
"Certainly, sir!" Jenkins admitted calmly. "I
knew in a minute soon as he told me!"
And, by Jove, I believed him ! Had to, you know ;
it was only just one instance of the devilish clever,
intuitive way Jenkins had of boring into things !
"Yes, sir," O Keefe thoughtfully transferred a
big wad to the other cheek "the captain gave me a
257
258 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
little lay off so s I could bring em up," he studied
with interest the top of one of the pillars of the
porte-cochere and shrugged lightly "of course it
wasn t just because of the reward, though of course
five hundred bucks is five hundred bucks, but we
thought you might like to have em thank you,
sir!" For out of my folder I peeled five crisp cen
turies and laid them in his palm.
This done, Jenkins glanced at me and turned sug
gestively toward the entrance, but O Keefe didn t
make a move to go and no more did I. Fact was, I
had a devilish keen notion that the old cat up-stairs
would be watching for the policeman s departure
through the grounds, and it came to me that to play
him a little longer wouldn t do any harm, but might
seal her jolly mouth the tighter.
O Keefe thanked me again. "You re sure solid
with the force, sir," he assured, nodding earnestly.
"Just remember my number and the name of Captain
Clutchem if any time in town you get rounded up
in any of our little er, you know!" he dropped a
cheerful wink at me and glanced again at the bills.
"Expect maybe you re anxious to know if Tim gets
a divy outer this," he proceeded; and I murmured
some jolly something. Of course, I wasn t anxious,
you know ; fact is, I didn t care a dash didn t even
remember who Tim was. "Yes, siree, he ll get ten of
this !" he finished impressively.
Meantime, he had been hunching himself up until
now he succeeded in wrenching from somewhere be-
I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 259
hind, a ragged and shiny old wallet, bulging with
worn and greasy papers. Within this, with a flour
ish, he laid the bills.
Then he faced us with an air of increased cheer
fulness.
"So much all for the velvet!" he remarked with
another wink.
Of course it was of no importance to set him right
about the material ; as for that, I didn t care a jolly
hang if he thought they were made of linoleum!
But it gave me the idea of just peeking into a corner
of the parcel to satisfy myself that its contents were
of filmy black silk and they were! I went no fur
ther; not for all the gold of what s-its-name would
I have profaned the package with further investiga
tion.
"Why, sir, I don t think you need be worrying
but what they re all right," and the big policeman
nodded confidently; "in fact there don t seem to be
no damage at all." He added meditatively : "Which
is some wonder, considering how we had to rough-
house Foxy Grandpa before we softened him down
in his cell th other night." Here his cheeks swelled
and he sent a long sheaf of brown liquid at a grass
hopper on the freshly whitened door-stones and
got it, too, neatly missing the polished toe of Jen-
kins boot. "No, sir!" emphatically "I don t
think you ll be hearing any holler from your lady
friend when she goes to eh, what?"-- he stared at
Jenkins blankly, for Jenkins had coughed "Oh,
260 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
excuse me!" and his big hand lifted apologetically
to his mouth, while his eyes rolled upward "What
I just meant was that I know they re all to the good ;
I went all over em !"
"Oh!" I muttered, turning rather faint. I dropped
the parcel and Jenkins picked it up. By Jove, for a
moment, he came jolly near having to pick me up,
too, I was that shocked and prostrated !
"The only thing the only thing tall I had
to wait through an agonizing moment while his
tongue gathered his wad and peremptorily expelled
it, this time enlivening the cold, dead monotony of
the silver-gray macadam "was her I mean, was
the pants."
"Ah-h !" I put my hand to my side and looked at
Jenkins appealingly, but he was looking upward, his
eyes kind of cast over like a bird s; the lines of his
mouth tightened to an arch and I knew he was
suffering too! But we must try to stand it a little
longer just a little !
Through one instant s respite, Mr. O Keefe s
thick tongue was occupied in striving to glutenize
the entire wrapper of a much crushed and awfully
yellow cigar. Then he separated a mouthful from
the end and proceeded :
"I did notice with the legs, that one of em was
just a bit longer than th other, and down at the
station we was a wondering if " the brown head
of a crackling match drew a long, curving what-you-
call-it on the smooth, creamy masonry, and he
I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 261
paused to pump madly, striving to coax a draft of
smoke "we wondered if twas intentional. 3 His
eyes sought mine inquiringly.
By Jove, I was so frozen with horror, I couldn t
even look away; just stood there, helpless, you
know, and my jolly monocle hanging limp couldn t
have lifted it to have saved my life! Felt my senses
just growing numb all the while with the tragedy
of the thing, the thought of this coarse monster s
touch defiling the dainty, gossamer garment that had
shrouded her sacred what-you-call- ems Oh, it was
awful!
I wondered if the housekeeper could be looking
still from her tower, like Sister Anne in the story
of what s-his-name ! Perhaps, if I could, I would
better hold out just
"Um ah, I see! It was, then!" he was nod
ding with an air of understanding, pausing in the
struggle with the refractory cigar. His strained and
reddened face shaped sympathetically. "Just what /
thought and told em!" he bobbed with satisfaction.
"7 understand! You ain t got no need to make no
explanations to me!" and he lifted his fat hand to
restrain them. "Why, my wife s own grandmother
had a club foot, and to her last day if she got outer
bed on the wrong side, the old lady went a header
sure oh, I know !"
A moment before, I had thought that so far as-
the mere matter of jolly misery was concerned, I
had sounded the what-you-call- ems; but now my
262 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
dashed brain was reeling before this new horror!
To think that she was but oh, it couldn t be ! And
yet I recalled ominously that most of the time I had
known her, I had only seen her sitting!
Mr. O Keefe exerted another vain pull at his
cigar and poised it critically between his fingers.
"I don t seem to make this piece of rope go," he re
marked superfluously, and I thought his eye cut me
with a mild reproach. There was nothing to do but
take the hint and produce my case just refilled in
my room with Paloma perfectos. Oh, I was glad to
do it, by Jove! glad to be able to do it devilish
glad to find I wasn t paralyzed, I mean!
"Why, thanks!" His fingers only removed three
cigars, but I just made him take them all ! Oh, yes,
for the case would have to be refilled now, anyhow,
dash it !
"By-y-y the way, sir!" He closed one eye at me
as he carved from the brown beauty a half inch of
its waxy bud, using for the maltreatment a per
fectly brutal knife. "That was a neat try-on you
made to copper the thief yourself a Icetle irregu
lar, you know," he shook his head at me, "but, as
the captain said, we ain t making no point about
that with a gent like you sure not !" another im
perishable line of beauty upon the receptive stone,
and he puffed inhalations of joy. "But I knew you
never could get him to the station I could have told
you."
"Oh!" I remarked, puzzled. By Jove, I had a
I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 263
dashed awful thought for a moment that I must be
losing my intelligence! I looked at Jenkins again,
but he had not yet come back to the ground.
"Oh, I m on, sir!" Another one of those awful
winks as his club scratched his helmet sideways.
"You know I saw everything I was right there at
the Kahoka, you know !"
"Oh, that!" I said, understanding. For I knew
then that he was talking about Foxy Grandpa in my
rooms. I had almost forgotten the jolly old vaga
bond, but it occurred to me that perhaps I ought to
show some interest as they must have recaptured
him along with the pajamas. "I say!" I chirped up,
"did you have much trouble about it getting him
again, you know?"
"Trouble?" O Keefe s lip doubled contemptu
ously. "It was easy as butter!" His hand spread,
palm downward, in an expressive gesture. "Why, he
doubled right back to the Kahoka !"
"By Jove, you know !" I exclaimed, startled.
"Surest thing you know ! I collared him right in
front and with the goods!" Mr. O Keefe expecto
rated eloquently. "My, but he did put up an awful
holler said the pajamas were his own and he had
just had em made. And bluff well!" he fanned
the air for a moment in the effort to find an appro
priate gesture "I m used to these swell con men,
but that gun was the limit pulled out a card case,
mind you, and letters, and wanted me to go with
him to his club his club " the big fellow doubled
264 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
over in a spasm of mirth that all but choktd him.
"I told him I d give him the club if he dHn t go
quietly for you see I recognized him in a minute;
you can t lose them freak kind ! Besides, he give
himself away: told me he d overlook my conduct
on this occasion and the other, if I would release
him. Well, that was enough! I beckoned Jimmy
Dwyer across and we run him down the line to the
station. Oh, we got him there, but it wasn t easy
for him! And there he ll stay a while!"
He had to pause and pump air, he was so winded.
"Jove!" I said absently. Fact is, I was getting
jolly tired standing so long never had stood so
long that I could remember. Wondered if the house
keeper wasn t getting tired, too, wherever she was
watching from ! Better give her a few minutes more,
though; so I shifted to the other leg, but yawned
comfortably and openly. As for Jenkins, he had
just frozen up like a jolly image, his eyes getting
filmier and duller as O Keefe proceeded, his chin
gradually working higher and his mouth corners
lower, until now they almost pointed to the ground.
He was impressive and devilish correct, but some
how the whole dashed thing seemed lost on O Keefe.
He even asked Jenkins for a match but of course
received no attention. "Gone off in a trance!" he
said to me, with a vulgar jerk of his fat thumb. And
then he touched Jenkins with his stick fact;
touched him ! and winked !
"But it woulder tickled you," he resumed, using
I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 265
one of the vestas I extended and puffing the cigar
until it almost flamed, "if you coulder seen the
grand-stand play this guy put up before the ser
geant ! But the old man just let him blow it all off ;
just sat there calm behind the desk, chewing away
and jabbing a pen through the blotter, while this stiff
fumed and spouted oh, something scandalous
bringing in the names of mighty near all the impor
tant people in New York ; his friends, he said ! Oh,
yes, he mentioned you in particular, sir!" and his
face expanded in a relishing grin.
"Dashed impudence !" I murmured feebly.
"Oh, yes/ carelessly, "but the sarge quieted him
just purty near soothed him to sleep before he got
through, you know it s one of his ways!" his
glance lifted solemnly.
"Fine, you know !" I murmured admiringly. I re
flected approvingly upon what a dashed good thing
it was to have a man in that position whatever it
was who was of such a devilish mild and gentle
temperament : the quiet word the soft answer the
kindly remonstrance all that sort of thing, you
know.
"We re a leetle crowded now," the big cop pur
sued, reflectively gouging into the mortar with the
long blade of his knife, "and we had to put him in
the cell with a gorilla what s always wandering back
to the jungle for too much strong-arm work maybe
you read about him? He scragged a whole family
th other night and threw em down the fire-escape."
266 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Oh !" I said uneasily. "But isn t he er rather
dangerous?"
"Nazv!" A careless but vigorous head shake.
"Only in his sleep, you know it s his dreams leads
him off or unless some one touches or crowds him ;
then he gets peevish and oh, well he might, of
course " Mr. O Keefe s expressive shrug finished
out the idea. But I wouldn t have heard it anyhow,
I was in such a yawn.
By Jove, I was sure the housekeeper would have
chucked it by now, or else worked herself up into a
swoon! Why, my jolly foot was asleep! It was safe
to let him go. I looked at my watch and coughed,
and Jenkins came to and backed up to the door,
sidling for me to pass within. The policeman
straightened his helmet and murmured words of
adieu.
"But, if no offense, there s just one question I d
like to ask you, sir." He swung his club with a smil
ing, genial air.
"Oh, dash it, no!" I responded absently.
My eye had been suddenly attracted by a feathery
gleam of white through the trees. It was slowly
moving up the slope to a pavilion overlooking the
Tappan Zee.
He drew nearer with a confidential air. "Just a
little argument I had with the old woman, you
know, about them pajamas. Would you mind tell
ing me as man to man, y understand if them
garments is" his voice dropped "is like her real
I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 267
shape figger, I mean h m?" And he tapped the
parcel lightly with his stick.
Jenkins cleared his throat loudly and shifted the
pajamas to his other side. As for myself, I just
winced as under the stroke of a what-you-call-it, but
one end of my dashed brain was being pulled by the
flashing play of the dappling sunlight there upon
"By Jove, her figure exactly !" I ejaculated, star
ing.
For it was her no, dash it, she, I mean ! I had
a perfectly clear view of her now as she paused
on a little point and hung there looking out over the
Hudson. In her hand was a full-blown, ripened
rose, and her lips were shaping in ravishing little
pouts as musingly she blew the petals from her. But
go they would not, but hugged back in the arms of
the light breeze, circling and fluttering about her
glorious sunny head like a swarm of rosy butter
flies. It made a pretty picture !
"And what s more, they re just her color, too!"
I murmured tenderly, forgetful of everything but
her, unmindful that I was not alone. For under my
hand I could feel my jolly heart quivering like a
champagne cork, freshly unfettered and thrilling
eagerly under the impulse of the mad, dancing, joy
ous spirit within.
"The one lovely woman in all the world!" I
breathed aloud, and I felt my eyes grow oddly
moist.
And for a minute I went off in a jolly trance.
268 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Good-by, sir!"
It was O Keefe s voice oddly constrained.
"Eh?" I ejaculated, blinking at him as I came
back. Then I remembered but what was it he
had been asking? Something
"Just, good-by!" he repeated with elaborated
gentleness. Then, straightening: "No offense, I
hope, if we let it go at that I mean, I guess you
won t miss it if we don t shake hands?"
I glanced at the gloves he was drawing on.
"Oh, dash it, no!" I responded absently, and my
eyes coasted up the slope again then dropped back
disappointedly, for she had disappeared within the
pavilion.
"Of course, rich people has got privileges," Mr.
O Keefe was ruminating somberly; "and I ain t
saying a word, not a word, mind you!" the glove
that lightly emphasized this displayed all fingers
widely and generously spread. "The captain ll tell
you he ain t having to tell me, like some of em, to
be careful about keeping off the grass" he shrugged
"oh, well, perhaps enough said !" and he turned
away.
Then he turned back. "Of course, that other
part of it" it would seem that his club, extended
pistol-like, was not leveled at Jenkins so much as
at the pajamas "of course, nobody can t help that
that s Nature I m some that way myself, though
nothing like so much, and nothing like so heavy as
I was. We ll leave that part out of it I m willing
I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 269
but, gentlemen" Jenkins paled, and swayed so
horribly, I was almost sure he would go "when it
comes to comes to With a helpless head-shake,
he gave it up and contented himself with expecto
rating violently upon the ground. Then he moved
slowly away.
His helmet tossed as he looked back. "I guess
we a// ve got our little prejudices," he remarked
sententiously; "I know / have! I m from the
South!"
And without another word, Mr. O Keefe pre
sented his broad back to us, and swinging his stick
carelessly, sauntered down the drive.
"What the deuce!" I exclaimed, looking after
him. "I say, Jenkins, what did he mean ?"
Jenkins face expressed mild reproach and sur
prise.
"Can it possibly matter, sir?" he questioned
wearily. "Persons of er that sort, you know,
sir?"
"Jove!" I uttered, relieved.
Jenkins coldly elevated brows dismissed the mat
ter from further consideration. He lifted the par
cel with a slight gesture of inquiry.
I had already come to a decision about it: I
would send it to Billings! Perhaps the retrieving
of the pajamas would have a soothing effect upon
his poor mind !
I gave Jenkins instructions. "H m! Of course,
manage to speak with him alone," I cautioned, hav-
2/0
ing thought of Judge Billings; "and don t forget
the message."
"Certainly, sir," said Jenkins attentively. "I m
just to say: Mr. Lightnut s compliments, sir, and
he says you ll know what to do with these.
I nodded. "Exactly, and I ll wait here but, oh,
hurry, dash it!" And I looked longingly at the
pavilion and tried to feel if my part was right.
He did hurry ! By Jove, he was back almost im
mediately and looking a bit rattled.
"Yes, sir!" he coughed as I screwed my glass
inquiringly "I got there just as the judge went
into his room across the corridor, and Mr. Billings
opened the door the minute I said I was from you.
I gave him the package and the message and he took
it over in a corner; and then in about a minute I
heard him chuck it somewhere and say some long
word. He came back to me, looking kinder irri
tated and with his eyes snapping."
"Oh!" I uttered nervously. "Er, what did he
say, Jenkins?"
Jenkins sighed. "Oh, well, sir, nothing as you
might say was anything, really; he jerks out kinder
crossly: Tell Mr. Lightnut, I say one thing at a
time, and give him this !
On the scrap of paper I clutched out of Jenkins
hand was a crazy scrawl of just a half-dozen words:
I m a biped, not a centipede!
I squinted through the dashed thing twice, but
I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 271
could make nothing of it I even tried it back
ward!
"Jove!" I muttered perplexedly. "It s rum, Jen
kins!"
Jenkins mouth tightened and relaxed. "H m,
what I thought, sir," he responded soberly. "The
demon rum, sir!"
CHAPTER XXVIII
"T EVER i FIND A MAN!"
TRUST you ve not been getting into trouble,
Mr. Lightnut!"
Her lovely eyes were dancing with mischief as
they hung there below mine eyes, bluer than the
Hudson at our feet; yet between the jolly ripples
that played across those pools of truth I could
glimpse far down into depths that were the most
devilishly entrancing, darkly, deeply, beautifully
oh, you know !
Why, by Jove, I almost took a cropper right into
them! Only caught just in time, you know;
straightened right on the verge, as it were and
came up with a gasp, monocle dangling.
Had almost forgotten the dashed windows and
the two cats that might be looking out !
I murmured some jolly apology, adding :
"Oh, yes quite so; certainly! I mean el\
what?"
She was smiling, her rose-petal lip dragging
through her teeth.
"The bobby, you know, just now" she nodded
toward the porte-cochere "I was positive he had
272
IF I EVER FIND A MAN! 273
come to drag you away to your loathsome dun
geon. And when he retired, I was oh, so re
lieved !" And she clasped her hands, her eyes lift
ing upward.
"Oh, I say now were you, though ?" I grinned
delightedly and slipping to a rustic chair beside her,
looked her affectionately in the eye. For all her
air of chaffing, I knew that under it was a current
of anxiety for me the darling!
I screwed my glass at her tenderty.
"What would you have done," I said softly, "if
he had er lugged me off, you know ?"
"Can you ask?" What a reproachful side-glance
she shot me through the meshes of her silken what-
you-call- ems ! "Why, of course, I should have
drawn my good excalibar and run him thr-r-rough
and thr-r-r-ough !"
By Jove, how she said it! And she illustrated
with the stemless rose dash it, no; the roseless
stem! She was superb looked like the jolly fenc
ing girl; only a dashed sight more stunning, don t
you know! And her excalibar, too! Didn t know
what a jolly excalibar was, but guessed it was some
delightfully mysterious but deadly feminine thing
some kind of submerged hat-pin-sort-of-thing, you
know that sort, dash it ! Yet she would have
drawn it and her good one, too, she said !
"Jove!" I said feelingly. "Would you, really?"
And I almost took her hand and again remem
bered the windows ! So I just shot her a look.
274 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
Her glorious eyes sparkled. "That is, I would
if I had one," she said smiling; "but I m afraid poor
Arthur lost the last and only one. Sad, isn t it?"
"Oh!"
I just felt my jolly heart sink like what s-its-
name. Who the deuce was "poor Arthur?" This
must be another some other thundering chap who
had been engaged to her. And what a rotten, care
less beggar, too, to have lost it that is, if he really
had ! Of course, he would say so, anyhow. And
how the deuce did he get it, in the first place did
she give it to him, or did he
By Jove, how I should have liked to punch Ar
thur s head! Always did hate a chap with that
name! I flushed guiltily, but she did not see. For
the moment, she was looking off dreamily across the
valley.
"I wonder," she said pensively, "why it is one
can never find another man like Arthur. Do you
suppose it is because he was the ideal?"
For an instant, I swallowed bard then I plucked
up bravely, or tried to, doni you know.
"Jolly likely!" I chirped. Then gloomily: "Oh,
I say, you know, was he your ideal?"
"Always!" the blue eyes lighted wistfully "I
suppose it s because he was my first love; I found
him so brave, so noble-mannered, you know so
simple !"
Simple! Dash simple people never could stand
IF I EVER FIND A MAN! 275
them ! Thing I admired was brains ! Aloud I said
gently almost humbly :
"So glad you like him, don t you know did like,
I mean!"
"Did like? I do still!" her tone lifted in ear
nest protest "I love to think of brave, dear Arthur
and his knights so few, and yet so full of love, of
gallantry and daring!"
So his nights were like that! By Jove, I was
devilish glad then that they had been so few that
was some comfort, dash it ! I wondered if the beg
gar was dead. But what difference did it make
now, after all? She was mine now and she knew
I knew it ; that was why this sweet, ingenuous child
was laying bare to me her past the darling !
Really, I ought not to let her go on.
"Never mind them now," I urged soothingly. And
heedless of the windows, I hitched a wee bit closer.
"That s all past and gone and you and I will yet see
as good nights as they ever were." I spoke with
assurance. "Don t you think so?" I added softly.
She sighed. "I don t know I hope so!" she
lingered dubiously over it, looking away again, the
while her hand put back the fleecy, golden what-
you-call-it that was snuggling to her eyes. I looked
at the goddess-like forearm, bared to above the el
bow, where it slipped from sight under the roll of
sleeve, and thought of that night in my apartment
when she had made me feel of her biceps, don t you
know.
276 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
How deliciously shy she was! Remembered
hearing Pugsley say they are often that way with
the development of love. Told me he thought he d
get married once looked over the girls of his set
and picked out one; then he went to see her. She
was devilish cordial at first and until Pugsley began
to tell her about it, then she began to grow agitated
finally went out of the room and had hysterics.
Next time he saw her she hardly was able to speak
to him! Said that ended it and he passed her up
too dashed much bother trying to follow em, he
decided; they were too high-strung, too emotional,
too uncertain of themselves, he thought.
I gave her five seconds, and then
"You don t know?" I repeated with gentle re
proach. "Oh, I say, you know ! You know you
know you know!" By Jove, that sounded rather
rum, but I knew she knew I knew she knew see?
She looked at me sidewise, her slender fore
finger pressing the half-parted lips slowly shaping
in a curve. Then her little teeth flashed, jewel-like
regular jolly pearl setting in the frankest, sweet
est smile! and then her glorious arm and wrist
arched suddenly toward me.
"Yes !" she said contritely, and with the most de
lightful, kindest inflection and laugh such a laugh!
a laugh gurglingly melodious oh, dash it, yes;
I mean just that ! like the flute notes in the over
ture to what s-his-name that sort !
"That s the way I love to hear a man talk !" she
IF I EVER FIND A MAN! 277
said warmly. "I think it takes an American to
stand up for his own place, his own times please!"
And gently, but with a lovely smile, she withdrew
her hand that I had folded close in mine. I let it
go, for I saw her look toward the house, and, of
course, / understood jolly careless of me not to
have remembered but she would know from my
nod and shrug that I comprehended.
And really, by Jove, it was almost as pleasant as
holding her hand, just to watch her leaning back
against the iron pillar about which curved the dark-
leaved tendrils of some purple-flowering vine. By
Jove, she just looked like a stunning, white, Easter-
card angel that s what! even to the golden hair
they always have and the jolly wings; for her
gleaming arms, spread behind her head, made you
think of that. But that was as near as one of them
could come to her, for no golden-haired angel in
white flowing nightgown was ever a patch on her
tor style!
Never a one could look so chic as she did
in her smart linen suit, with its blue flannel collar,
caught low with a flowing, breezy tie ; and no
jolly angel I ever saw pictured could sport a waist
like that, so dainty, so modish, so jolly snug and
er squeezable, don t you know never! And I
was devilish sure that no barefooted or sandaled
angel would ever dare to put a foot beside one of
those little white Oxfords or that arching instep,
just blushing faintly through the silken mesh that
278 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
held it well, I guess not! And where the angel,
I should like to know, that could match her glori
ous, fluffy pompadour or the distracting little golden
smoke wisps that whirled and pulled and tangled
and tossed and twisted and tugged, trying to lift
her in their feeble arms into the current of the
wandering breeze?
I sighed, and my deep breath brought her gaze
back to me and her flashing smile as well.
"And so," she said, lifting her little chin, "you
think there are just as many knights now as there
used to be?"
I almost laughed at the child-like question but
I didn t ! Dash it, no, I wouldn t have done so for
the world. Just looked at her seriously and an
swered her in kind:
"Perfectly sure of it, don t you know !"
And, by Jove, I was! Knew if there had been
any change, some newspaper-reading chap at the
club would have mentioned it that was safe ; espe
cially one silly ass who was always reading of some
jolly comet that was coming. He would know
about the nights.
"Yes oh, yes, there are just as many," I af
firmed positively, and added quickly: "More, you
know!" For suddenly I remembered it was leap-
year, and I knew there was some jolly rhyme about
leap-year gives us one day more so, of course,
there d be another night!
"You don t know how glad I am to hear you say
IF I EVER FIND A MAN! 279
that," she said musingly. "There are just as many
knights, you mean, but the conditions have changed
the man is changed is that it ?"
I should say the man was changed ! "Oh, dash
it, yes !" I blurted. By Jove, I hoped there wouldn t
be another change.
"You mean" with a little, challenging, puzzled
smile, she leaned forward, her elbow resting upon
her knee like a sculptured, Grecian pillar; her
flower-like curving fingers supporting her chin like
a Corinthian what s-its-name, you know, the sort
of thing the ancient what-you-call- ems always
added to top off their stunning marble columns
you know! well, like that "you mean we may
find knights, not only in the field, but in the shops,
upon the streets even in the slums; or in the hos
pitals, in the church or even on the bench that is
your idea ?"
It wasn t my idea at all I should say not ! Who
wanted to spend nights prowling around that way?
Why why, it wasn t respectable, dash it ! Besides,
that sort of thing excursioning about seeing things
was devilish tiresome, if you asked me. I never
did do it, even abroad, where you meet Americans,
jolly bored and tired, doing all sorts of rum places
no one else ever thinks of, don t you know.
And as for a bench! Well, it was like her, in her
innocence of the world, not to know how downright
vulgar that would be. I had seen couples sitting
evenings in the park and I knew!
2 8o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
But I answered tactfully :
"I don t mean those places so much, don t you
know I think we can find lots jollier and better
nights elsewhere." And I closed my free eye and
beamed at her through my glass. "Don t have to
go so far, you know ; under one s own roof, or er
some one else s roof, for instance why not
here?" I jerked my head toward the old stone pile
behind us.
"Oh!" her eyebrows lifted at me "so you ve
thought of that, too?" she nodded gravely "you
mean in the library there?"
I winked assent.
The library suited me all right !
"Just now," she said in an oddly sobered voice,
"I looked in as I passed through, and he was looking
so crushed, so worn and tired, you know he had
just come from up-stairs; and yet he faced me so
bravely and smilingly" she shook her head "poor
fellow!"
I stared puzzled, don t you know. Offhand,
dash me if I could see what the judge had to do with
our evenings together why, I had his own ap
proval of my suit. Then I remembered that she,
of course, didn t know that yet. Probably what
she had in her dear little mind was that he might
be holding the library and he would, if he con
tinued to think he was busy; for I had heard him
say he expected to work all night. But then, there
IF I EVER FIND A MAN! 281
were dozens and dozens of others places we could
go well, I should just say!
I had just bent forward to suggest this to her
when I saw she was going to speak. So I waited,
smiling at her tenderly.
"And about Arthur " she began, and I cut my
self a painful stab with my nails right in the palm
"now there is a case where I think you find"-
she nodded toward the house again "where you
find one of his superb qualities, the one quality that,
of all, I admire in a man the most."
"By Jove !" I said, leaning forward. I wondered
what it was and then, dash it, I asked her.
"Just trust!" she said simply, and her face grew
luminous. "Faith, perhaps I should say. My father
has it larger than any man I ever knew ; it is some
thing that goes out from him with his friendship,
with his love, making a dual gift" her voice
dropped thoughtfully "I have studied it in him all
my life, and it has always seemed so beautiful to
me so wonderful the unquestioning peace he
has" her blue eyes widened, shining "has ever
in return for the perfect, abiding trust that he gives
to the thing he calls his own. I know, for he has
made me feel it from the time I was a tiny little
girl !" The last word was almost a whisper, so
tense, so vibrant with feeling was it she seemed
to have forgotten my existence. "And if ever I
find a man " she breathed.
282 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
I coughed slightly and she started, stared at me
and then the dimple deepened in her cheek, lost in a
bed of jolly roses. Her laughter pealed forth, bird-
like delicious !
"I beg your pardon!" she said. "But when I
think of papa and of how he believes in his children,
especially poor little me, I think I must get Her
roguish, puzzled smile searched my face. "How is
it you say it ? oh, I know I think I must be get
ting dippy! "
And it was the first slang J had heard from those
sweet lips since the night she was in my rooms !
CHAPTER XXIX
"BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU"
T3OOR, brave-hearted girl! How pitiful and
heartrending to a keen-eyed man of the world,
seemed her poor, little sham about her father s trust
in her ! For / knew the facts, you know !
What a little thorougbred she was! By Jove, I
just sat there for a full two minutes, bending to
ward her worshipfully, but with such a lump chok
ing my devilish throat that dash me if I could chirp
a single word. Just sat there that s all blinking
damply at her with my free eye, studying with
growing wonder the light she managed to summon
to her face ; heartsick for the care-free mockery of
the cherry lips, shaping seemingly in a meditative
whistle; all my jolly heart beating time to the lithe
some tapping of her smart little boot upon the
wooden floor. And she? She, brave heart, lean
ing back watching me through her long, fringing
lashes forcing a quizzical smile to her face, the
while the jolly worm was gnawing at her what-you-
call- ems !
And suddenly it came to me that I just couldn t
and wouldn t let her go on this way, without the
283
284 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
sympathy of the man she loved; without the pre
cious consolation of knowing that he knew ! She
was being badgered and rough-shouldered and put
upon and distrusted and maligned by ever}- one she
knew, and she had no one in all the world to turn
to but me and
Oh, I wanted her to know what / thought, don t
you know !
I slipped to the seat beside her.
"Er, Miss Billings I began, thinking absent-
mindedly of what I should say, and forgetting that
we were quite alone.
" Miss Billings! Why do you call me that?"
Her lovely brows puckered. "I remember, now,
that s twice you "
"Frances, then!" I corrected softly.
She straightened, her bosom lifting with a quick
intake. By Jove, that was what she wanted !
"Oh!" Then she leaned slowly back, looking at
me thoughtfully through half-closed eyes, her lips
parted in the oddest smile.
And I screwed my monocle tight and let her have
smile for smile, determined to chirp her up and
make her feel our oneness that sort of thing, you
know. And I succeeded ! For of a sudden her head
went back and the joyous peal of her canary laugh
started off the jolly birds in the trees above us.
"Oh, you " A stare, and then another burst as
she bent forward, face buried in her hands. Then
it lifted sharply, flame-dyed her lips tremulous,
BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 285
her eyes shining like sapphire stars. "Oh!" she
gasped, and how I envied the little hand she pressed
against her waist ; but the windows dash the win
dows ! "That s that s it Frances just that
much! But, do you know, I don t don t believe
you really know my full name. I remember now
several th She bent toward me witchingly, her
wide blue eyes challenging my candor. "Honestly,
now do you ?"
So it was that thought that was tickling her!
Well, by Jove, I had her there, for I had heard
the judge mention her name in full. I would sur
prise her !
"Oh, don t I?" I exclaimed, winking as I pol
ished my glass. "Well, how about Frances Leslie
Billings?" I let her have it slowly, distinctly, and
with yet a note of triumph I could not altogether
hide. And then remorseful for her amazed expres
sion, I explained frankly : "Got it from your father
this morning, don t you know, during our long talk
about you in the library."
"Wh "
Then she swallowed and her face fell perfectly
blank. By Jove, I could have kicked myself for a
jolly ass for breaking it to her so raw ! Of course,
she would know that if her father talked of her, it
would be nothing for me to hear that was true or
kind nothing she could wish might be said to the
man she loved.
I hastened to reassure her :
286 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"But I don t believe a dashed word of anything
he said about you" I spoke hotly "and I don t
care a jolly hang for what the others said, either
so there you are !"
"Oh, you don t?" Could tell how I had touched
her by her expression, don t you know ; and she fell
to looking at me the queerest way. "And would
you mind telling me who the others are?"
I eyed her gloomily, sympathetically. As if she
didn t know already !
"Well oh, dash it, my mind has been filled with
er just anything!" I began cautiously.
"I know," she murmured it as if to herself
"one can see that !" And she bit her lip.
"In the first place, you know" and there I pulled
up. No, dash it, I wasn t going to say a jolly word
about poor Jack no, sir! But then, about the
other one well, she was just a treacherous snake
in the what s-its-name, and she ought to be ex
posed. By Jove, she should be !
"It s the frump, you know," I said indignantly.
"The the what?"
Her pretty teeth flashed like the keyboards of a
tiny organ you could even hear a little gurgly,
musical quiver somewhere behind. And then I re
membered that, of course, she wouldn t know whom
I meant.
"Oh, your guest, you know your friend from
school," I went on, trying to tread cautiously and
BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 287
yet feeling myself growing red. "Oh, see here
now, I don t like to say things, but er
"Oh, go on!" she trilled, her sweet face shining
wistful.
"Well, I mean this er Miss Kirkland ; came
out with us this morning, don t you know. I think
of her as the frump little idea er nickname of
mine, you know, she s so awful!" And I screwed
my glass with a chuckle.
For an instant I thought she wouldn t catch it,
she stared at me so blankly. Then the joke of it
the jolly aptness, so to speak got her full and
square, and she just lifted a scream, hugging her
knee and rocking back and forth, her face suffused,
her laughter pealing like a chime of bells.
And I just rocked, too, keeping her company.
Really, I don t think I ever laughed so much since
some chap plunked down on the hard crown of my
new tile last winter. At least I wanted to laugh
in church, you know, and it s so awful how you feel
there when something oh, you know! And if
you could have seen that poor fellow s face !
By Jove, how glad I was for her jolly sense of
humor that could see the point of things so quickly,
and think them clever. Always had so dashed little
patience with stupid people, don t you know. And
just here another little thing came to me and I let
her have it :
"Oh, I say!" I leaned nearer, chuckling "your
288 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
father pretends to think her a most beautiful and
winning girl fancy!" And my face stretched it
self in such a jolly grin that I could hardly hold my
glass.
She bent toward me, smiling adorably. "You
mean this er Miss Kirkland ?"
I nodded chortlingly.
She peered at me through her long what-you-
call- ems oh, such a way!
"But you don t think so, do you?" How sweetly,
how fetchingly she said it!
"Me?" I gasped. By Jove, in my horror, I lost
my grip upon my jolly grammar. "Oh, I say now !
7 think the frump this Miss Kirkland, you know
is a fright regular freak, dash it! I told the
judge so!"
"You you "
"Of course!" And I shrugged disgustedly, mak
ing the ugliest grimace I possibly could. "Why,
dash it, if I were a woman and had a face like hers,
I never would have left China, or England or
wherever her jolly home was no, sir!"
She caught her breath with a little gasp then
she was off again ! This time she rested her arms
upon the rail behind and buried her head in them,
her lovely shoulders jiggling up and down, her sob
bing laughter sending her off at last into a spell of
coughing.
"Oh !" she breathed, lifting at last her gloriously
blushing face and dabbing at it with her ridiculous
BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 289
little handkerchief, "oh, you ll kill me I know you
will!"
I certainly had stirred her up, and I was de
lighted. It was funny to think of any one calling
the frump beautiful it must seem funnier still to
her, of course to Frances, I mean. Why, dash
it, she seemed to find a funny side to it that I didn t,
don t you know !
"Tell me, now" she clasped her knee, lifting
her lovely face coaxingly "tell me all that she said
about me everything!"
And I did every word, by Jove !
And no one could look into that sweet, ingenuous
face as I proceeded, and doubt that the slanders
were new to her. Never a jolly one touched her
only you could see their absurdity amused her.
Several times I had to pause as she bent under a
gale of laughter.
Only once was she brought up, shocked.
"Oh!" she uttered faintly, as I came to the inti
mation about her being hail-fellow-well-met with
the footmen and her drinking and carousing with
them and other men-servants until three in the
morning. I realized that it wasn t the matter of
the drinking that feazed her and drew from her
little gasps as I came to this knew that didn t
bother her, don t you know, for I knew she did
drink could drink, I mean to say; for I had not
forgotten the two full whisky glasses of high-proof
Scotch she had tossed off that night in my rooms.
290 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
Why, no, dash it, she was able to drink it went in
the family! I could never forget with what pride
she had told me of putting her brother Jack under
the table two nights running. That was all right-
it was the other part of the frump s scandal that
brought her up, standing, so to speak.
For now she really looked embarrassed, despite
another lapse to laughter. Her face and neck were
dyed a lovely crimson.
"Oh, dear!" she said finally; and she wiped her
eyes. "What you must think of me !" and she
looked away, a pretty frown contracting her face;
then the jolly dimple deepened once again and she
choked into her handkerchief. "Oh, dear!" she
repeated, biting her lip to hold her quivering mouth
corners. "Oh, it s a shame," I heard her mutter;
"I mustn t let him it s too She wheeled upon
me, her lips tightened. "Oh !" she ejaculated
sharply, almost petulantly, and her foot struck
smartly on the boards. "I wonder how much you
think think "
"Think lots" I said simply, watching her little
toe as it tapped.
"Well, / should think as much !" And this time
her laugh was short oddly constrained. She
looked away off down the slope to the river. "Oh!"
This time it was a tiny gasp as of dismay. And the
toe tapped like an electric what s-its-name.
"Yes," I said, watching it musingly, "I suppose
it s because you re the only girl, don t you know,
BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 291
that I ever did think of before oh, ever at all,
dash it!"
The toe stopped. I could feel her looking at me
sidewise, but I did not glance up, that I remember;
was looking down, trying to get hold of a dashed
idea I wanted to express.
"Don t know," I continued, boring away at her
toe, yet hardly seeing it, "but suppose that s the
reason I knew all the time she was lying; but still,
somehow that doesn t seem to be the real reason I
knew. I think the real reason I knew it couldn t
be and wasn t true was" I sighed heavily "oh,
dash it, it s so hard to get hold of the jolly thing!"
And there was a pause.
"The real reason?" her voice coaxed gently.
"Was because Then she moved the toe and
it put me out "I think just because oh, yes, I
know now!" And I looked up eagerly. "Just be
cause I knew that you are you!" I finished
beamingly.
"Oh, I see!" She said it musingly, her finger
lightly pressing upon her lips, her beautiful eyes
studying me with the oddest, keenest side-glance.
A pause; and then: "And how long have you
known me, pray? Just a "
"A thousand years!" I said promptly and ear
nestly. "A thousand years and all my life, don t
you know ! Never will know you any better."
"I wonder," she murmured, nodding slowly.
And then for a moment she didn t say a word, just
292 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
sat there looking me over curiously, her expression
half shy, half quizzical, don t you know.
Then her smile flashed again a radiant, dazzling
brightness that brought her nearer, like the effect of
the sunlight s sudden gleam there at times upon the
blue line of the "West Shore" away across the
broad, three-mile span of the old Tappan Zee.
"And now" again her splendid young arms
were clasped, wing-like, behind her head; and its
golden glory hung like a picture against the dark
vine leaves, bossed with the clustered purple flowers
"now," she repeated, settling comfortably, "you
must just go on and tell me the rest I can bear it !
What did my" her big blue eyes twinkled as she
smiled "my father say about me?"
I shifted uncomfortably. "Oh, I can t, you
know!" I demurred. "I say, what s the use, dash
it?" Poor old boy, somehow I just hated to round
on him he was so jolly hard hit already; Jack,
don t you know ! Besides
"Please !" Jove, how she said it !
"Oh, dash it, I m afraid it will hurt you," I pro
tested uneasily; "and I don t think the judge
really"
"I just don t care that" a snap from her little
fingers and her arm went back "for anything he
ever said about me that was mean! So, please go
on I must go dress for luncheon."
And so I just took a deep breath, a long running
leap, and cleared the bar told her all, you know !
BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 293
Oddly, this time she didn t laugh and I knew
why : it was her father, and it had cut her to the
heart. This was what I had feared. As I pro
ceeded, narrating the interview in the library, she
just grew rosier and rosier red, but sat looking at
me wide-eyed and unflinching. The pulsation of
her bosom quickened a little, but her dear face re
mained unchanged, save for her little trick of drag
ging her under-lip through her white teeth.
"And, by Jove, that s all!" I finished with re
lief as I mopped my face. "But who cares, don t
you know, or believes any bit of it? Anyhow, we
don t for we know !"
"Are you sure?" She spoke gravely, yet in her
eyes were the dancing star-motes of a laugh. "The
extravagance, the gambling, and the oh, all of it?
I must tell you / heard some sad things myself
about Francis Billings while I was at Cambridge "
I grunted scornfully. "/ know: from that two-
faced cat, Miss Kirkland ! Say, how I wish, by Jove,
that woman would pack up and go back to China
the sponge!" And I screwed my giass indignantly.
"Oh, now!" she remonstrated sweetly, "you
mustn t say that! You might be sorry!" She
smiled archly.
I grunted contemptuously.
Again she rested her little chin upon her hand,
eying me thoughtfully, earnestly.
"And so you don t believe any of it ?"
I chuckled at the idea. "Oh, I say now, Frances,
294 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
you know I don t!" And I shoved a bit nearer,
looking into her eyes. But just then I saw Wilkes
come out and look around.
And she must have glanced about quickly and
have seen him, too, for as I shifted my eyes to her
again she was blushing furiously and had moved a
bit.
"I m afraid," she said measuredly, her chin lift
ing a little, "you do believe part of it!" And in
her eyes was a glint of fire.
And then as my face fell blankly, a slow little
smile came creeping back to hers. Her eyes soft
ened.
"Forgive me," she said gently; "I misunder
stood !"
The darling! And, dash it, if they were going
to have vines to a pavilion, why didn t they have
vines ?
"Do you know," she said, "I don t believe you
do believe any of these awful things could be true
about me," her voice quickened here "and do
you know I just think it s lovely of .you! I do!"
And her dear voice dropped like the softer notes of
a what s-its-name. Her hands lay in her lap and
she was studying me in the kindest, sweetest way!
And I wanted to tell her how good she was and how
much I loved her, don t you know, but just then,
behind the pavilion, came the gardener. He was
talking to one of his assistants about slugs dash
slusrs !
BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 295
And then her face lighted again as though she
would speak and I leaned eagerly toward her
waiting, expectant.
"When Arthur made his court at " she began,
and, by Jove, my jolly heart sank. If she would
only drop Arthur and give me a chance to make
my court, dash it ! "Camelot, you know," she went
on, and I almost groaned. What did / care that
he came a lot? Perhaps, now, if I could divert her
mind
"Oh, I say, you know," I broke in interestedly,
"what was it you were er humming just now,
don t you know."
"Vivian s song don t you remember it ?"
I tried to think, but I couldn t seem to place her,
though I knew the whole line of em back to Lottie
Gilson.
I finally had to shake my head.
She smiled. "Don t you know," she said :
" I think you hardly know the tender rhyme
Of "trust me not at all or all in all."
She was right! I didn t know the jolly thing,
that was a fact, but somehow I liked the swing of
it. She went on, and struck me with another re
mark. By Jove, she seemed to have forgotten about
the jolly song and I was devilish glad, for I had
rather hear her talk, don t you know.
" In Love, if Love be Love, if Love be ours
296 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Iff" I ejaculated reproachfully, hitching nearer.
But she only smiled, and continued her remark:
" Faith and unfaith can ne er be equal powers;
Unfaith in aught is want of faith in all.
"Oh!" I uttered. For, by Jove, she had said it
the thing I had felt all the time and couldn t ex
press; the something that had been with me all
along in connection with herself. And here she had
the jolly idea pat upon her tongue ! I just blinked
at her admiringly didn t dare speak, you know;
afraid I d break the thread of what s-its-name.
She went on telling me something about a lover s
lute, and it was hard not to speak then, for I
did so want to ask what a jolly lute was. And
then some remark about specks in garnered fruit-
here her line of thought had been changed, I knew,
by some remark of the gardener outside : something
about worms and the orchard. However, I just
chirped up a nod and listened as attentively as
though she had gone right on. She was busy with
her hair now, but with her mind still on the worm,
murmured abstractedly :
" That rotting inward slowly moulders all.
And just here, with a little clatter, her back
comb struck the floor, bounding to the other side of
the pavilion. As I scrambled to get it, her voice
lifted through a choke of laughter:
" It is not worth the keeping ; let it go ! "
BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 297
The idea !
I laughed as I caught the thing up and whirled,
my hand outstretched to lay it in her own. She was
on her feet, pulling down her belt, and paused to
lift away a leaf that clung to her snowy skirt. And
just here, the gardener s voice lifted startlingly
across the park to some one distant and invisible:
"Better bring paris green, Jud ; it s the only way
we ll ever get rid of em," he bawled. "I see they re
going after the leaves now, and they can live on
them and air. Pizen ll fix em, though !"
The comb outstretched, I stood staring at Fran
ces, doubled over and writhing. And then, with a
long-drawn gasp that was half a screech, her lithe
some figure straightened, her head went back, and
from her throat there trilled the very joy of health
and youth and happy days.
"Oh !" she gasped, her hand pressing to her side.
And while I looked at her anxiously, she went on
pantingly, her eyes bright with tears :
" But shall it ? Answer, darling, answer no,
And trust me not at all or all in all.
"Jove!" I said delightedly, placing the comb in
her outstretched hand and pressing it the hand, I
mean, dash it ! "I do, don t you know ! I trust you
all in all!"
CHAPTER XXX
THE JUDGE FIXES "FOXY GRANDPA"
UT I tell you, sir, he is not my son!"
The judge was bending over the desk phone
as I looked in a half hour later. His voice rose in
a crescendo of rage: "Wha what s that? Do I
want to speak with him? Certainly not, sir and I
won t! . . . Um, yes John W. Billings yes,
that s his name. . . . Stuff and nonsense, sir!
He s up-stairs now in his room. . . . Says what?"
the judge s eyes rolled frowningly upward as he
listened; then he licked his lips and bent again,
speaking with passionate incisiveness : "Why, dam
mit, man, I ve just this minute been talking to him
just left him, y understand. . . . Certainly
your man s- an impostor you ought to know that !
. . . Yes, this is Judge Billings, himself. . . .
Eh? Oh, that s all right, but now let me tell you
something" he cleared his throat and gathered his
voice in cold, deliberate accents : "You let me be
annoyed again from your precinct, and I can prom
ise you that . . . Um, well that s all right then
. . . Bye!"
He banged the receiver to the hook and faced
about, muttering things to himself.
298
JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 299
"Well, upon my word! Of all the excuse me,
Lightnut !" He wiped his forehead, his glance ab
stracted and scowling. "Somebody is putting this
fool up to this somebody trying to annoy me!"
He uttered a short laugh that was more of a snort.
"There s some fool lunatic down in New York that
they ve arrested and he s got a bug that he s my
son ! This is the second offense. Caused me to lose
two hours from my office yesterday in the city and
upset me for the whole day! And me so busy!
busy!" his hands lifted toward the papers on the
table "so busy I can hardly" another snort, and
he relighted his cigar, puffing savagely "looks like
there s just one fool thing after another interrupt
ing me or absorbing my time !"
"Jolly shame, you know!" I responded, dropping
sympathetically into a chair. I pushed the papers
to one side so I could rest my elbow on the table
edge ; besides, I saw they were fretting him could
tell by his glances, you know.
For another thing, I had got hold of a devilish
shrewd idea I wanted to break to him about this
chap who was pretending to be his son. I remem
bered that the old rascal who had invaded my rooms
had tried to make me believe that I was his bosom
friend.
"Oh, I say, you know," I began, declining a cigar
and selecting a cigarette from my case, "I ve an
idea!"
And I faced him impressively.
300 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"You ve what?"- he straightened forward, with
a kind of twisted smile interested, you know
"whatever makes you think that, my boy ?"
I waited, sending- a long, thin smoke funnel up
ward. Kept him expectant, you see, and gave me
time to get hold of the corners of the jolly thing
myself. Catch the point? So devilish important
when you have to lift an idea, don t you know.
"Rather fancy your chap s the same one I know
of," I drawled, "an oldish duffer white mutton-
chops beefy sort of face sunburn line and bald-
ish all that sort of thing!"
"Well, by-y-y George!" he slapped his hand
down "I should say that was a real idea! And
you say you know this crazy fool ?"
"Crazy? He s not crazy!" I exclaimed indig
nantly, thinking of her pajamas. "And he s no
more fool than I am !"
He fell back with a grunt. "Oh, well, I know
but"
He coughed. By Jove, he seemed disappointed,
somehow !
I proceeded calmly: "Real truth is, the beggar s
a notorious criminal, known to the police as Foxy
Grandpa pretends all sorts of things about people,
don t you know."
"My dear Lightnut," he was staring at me,
mouth distended "why how the devil do you
know this?"
I inhaled deliberately. "Awfully simple, don t
JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 301
you know," I responded quietly; and I let him wait
till I had blown six rings. "Fact is, I m the one
sent him to jail!"
"You!" his laugh was frankly amused, incred
ulous.
"Oh, yes !" carelessly "found the fellow thiev
ing in my rooms the other night and called in police
oh, they recognized him in a minute !"
He looked floored. "Well, what do you think of
that ?" he murmured slowly. Then his face flushed
and he sat erect. "And so that s all the crazier the
ruffian is that s the kind of smart Alex that s been
trying to get gay with me with me!" He started
up, snorting like a war-horse "Huh! Well, two
can play at that game, and" his eyes twinkled
wrathfully "I ll show him who s got the best
hand! I ll just "
The rest trailed off in a mutter. He had dropped
beside the telephone again, his cigar crushed firmly
in the corner of his mouth, his gray mustache bris
tling aggressively. I tried to trace the family re
semblance to Frances, but dashed if I could see a
single point. And while I was thinking of this, he
got his number.
"Yes, yes," I heard, "I do want to speak to him
personally this is Judge Billings!" a moment,
and then: "Morning, Commissioner this is Bil
lings. . . . Fine, thank you ! . . . Oh, no! No
bad effects at all takes more than that to throw a
seasoned old diner like my . . . What say?"
302 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
a cackling chuckle "yes, I knew the dinner
would loosen him up! Had his promise before we
left the table; Soakem heard him so did Benedict.
. . . Yes oh, yes; he s got it had it with me,
you know, in case! . . . No-o-o, of course not;
not a single line or scrap!" a lower drop of tone
"just in a plain, blank envelope best way always,
you know. . . . Yes, that gives us a safe margin
in the Senate now, not even counting upon what
they do in committee and Soakem ll take care of
that end. . . . Yes, he went back to Albany this
morning he says the bill s safely deader n Hector
now. . . . Er, by the way, Commissioner,"-
the judge cleared his throat and his voice sobered :
"Little favor I want to ask h m! I m being
greatly annoyed by some low vagabond confined at
one of the stations. . . . Yes, I really mean it!
Captain Clutchem s precinct, you know and thi<
ruffian insists to them that he s my son. . . . No,
indeed, I m not joking at all. . . . All right, you
may laugh, but I fail to appreciate the funny side,
myself especially now, you know, when I m up to
my neck in this merger case. . . . How s that?
What do I want done? Oh, I wouldn t venture to
say as to that! I leave that to you! . . . / know,
. . . Yes, I understand all that, but . . . w r ait
wait just a minute ! Now you listen
The judge concentrated more intensely over the
instrument.
"You know what you asked me to do when I saw
JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 303
you last night and I refused" another voice drop
"with the mayor, you know? Well now listen
you make assurance that this scoundrel will not
bother me for thirty days and well, I give you
my word that I ll do all I can to bring things the
way you want. . . . Good ! . . . What ll you
do with him? Why, what in Sam Hill do 7 care
what you do with him ? . . . Oh, but say, Com
missioner yes, I do care, too!" a laugh here like a
jolly fiend "I shouldn t like for him to be put
away off in some nice, damp, dark cell to cool off-
he ! he ! he ! y understand ?"
He got so mixed up in his chuckling and cough
ing that he couldn t get out another word for a mo
ment. Then
"Oh, no ! CVr-tainly not ; nor one too hot and air
less, as you say he ! he ! he ! And don t put him
don t put him " the judge was gasping for air
now "don t put him on bread and water, or any
thing of that kind, nor in a cell with rude, rough
men who would tame his playful spirit he! he! he!
oh, don t do that! . . . What say? I didn t
quite catch " And then, dash it, it seemed he did
catch it, for he began waving his arm and pounding
the desk. "Oh oh, no, that would be too bad
really! . . . Eh? Oh, well, you know best it s
up to you now! . . . Bye, and many thanks,
Commissioner! Eh? All right, to-morrow then at
one at the Lawyers Club you can go over again
the points of what you want with the mayor. Bye !"
3 04 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
And with good humor perfectly restored, he faced
me, wabbling like a jolly jellyfish.
" S greatest joke ever heard of in my life!" he
chortled.
"Oh, I say, how did you find Jack?" I asked, for
that was the thing I had begun to think of.
His face collapsed so clashed sudden, I was afraid
it would break. And from being a peppery red, he
changed to a devilish sickly yellow.
"Awful!" he said jerkily. "Something awful!"
And he groaned like a jolly horse in pain. "Went
up there, you know, but " his hands lifted and
dropped ; he shook his head "didn t seem to know
me at all was sitting there in his pajamas examin
ing with a magnifying glass some leaves he had
pulled at the window. Seems obsessed with some
crazy patter of talk I couldn t understand poor fel
low!" The judge sighed. "Only thing he seemed to
want me to do for him was to promise to wear his
pajamas to-night pajamas seem to be the focus
of his malady this time."
I swallowed pretty hard and looked down.
"I promised," continued the judge gloomily.
"And I ll do it oh, yes, anything to humor him!
He s to put them outside his door to-night it s his
own whim, you know." He went on moodily: "He
won t allow any luncheon sent up; says if not too
much trouble, would be grateful for two and one-
half ounces of unleavened bread and clabber what
the devil s clabber?"
JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 305
I had never heard of it knew, of course, no one
had !
"Well," he said with a deep breath, "we ll just
have to do the best we can. Of course, under the
circumstances, it s best for him to keep his apart
ment Oh, say, would you like to go up?"
"Oh er think not !" I stammered. "Don t be
lieve I"
"You re right! You re right!" He pursed his
lips: "Too pitiful a sight only sadden you!" He
began gathering up the papers beh ind my arm,
though I murmured that they were not in my way
at all. The cathedral chimes in the hall had played
the half hour. The judge strolled over to the French
windows that opened upon the loggia.
"I say, Lightnut, have you ever noticed the view
from out here ?" he asked briskly. "Fine, you know !
Nice to sit here and watch the boats have you your
cigarettes? Oh, yes! Try this chair! Now, if
you ll excuse me I ll be with you in
"Luncheon is served !" intoned a human machine.
"Ah-h!" The judge s tone evinced satisfaction.
"My dear Lightnut," his hand upon my arm, "do
you know I look upon you as so nearly one of us
"Thank you, judge!" I said feelingly. By Jove,
it was devilish comfy to have her father so jolly
friendly about it !
"That I m just going to ask you to excuse me
from lunching with you know you ll understand,
my boy! so infernally busy, you see !"
3 o6 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
I didn t see, though he had been saying this all
morning. But as he seemed to think he was busy,
I wasn t going to make any dashed break contra
dicting him, you know. So I pretended I did see.
"Thank you thank you, my boy !" He patted me
on the back. "And as you ll have an opportunity of
seeing a little more of that charming girl, Miss
Kirkland " Charming girl, indeed! I wondered
what he would think, if he knew of her designs on
poor Jack! "I want you to go in for her a bit
cultivate her a little ; you may change your opinion
eh?" He laughed softly and paused in our prog
ress through the library to dig me sharply in the side.
"Go ahead flirt with her, my boy ! She will like it
all girls do and it will do you good ; do both of
you good!" The old boy beamed at me over his
glasses as he vented a horrible chuckle ; didn t seem
to notice how painfully shocked I was.
A flirtation, indeed! And with the frump, of all
others ! Of course he was just having his little joke,
and didn t seem to realize what devilish poor taste he
exhibited as the father of my darling.
"Thank you," I said rather coldly, "but I don t
think that er sort of thing would show much
consideration for Frances and
"Rubbish!" And, by Jove, how he laughed ! "Do
you think Francis would show any consideration for
you?"-\\e snapped his fingers. "I think you re a bit
too quixotic, young man !"
I didn t know don t know now ; never was up on
JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 307
any of those legal terms. He knew what he meant !
"Pshaw, now!" he went on, "if that s what s re
straining you, you must drop it ! I want you to have
a pleasant time while you are here with Miss Kirk-
land get along with you !" then he pulled me back
again "You needn t be thinking about the slightest
obligation so far as Francis is concerned. Why
should you when the affair is all one-sided ?"
"One one-sided?" I repeated falteringly.
"Why, yes; the girl doesn t care for anybody in
the whole word except her old father and he idol
izes her!"
Oh, did he !
"So you go on in there and loosen up have a
good time and make her have one ; and keep it up
this afternoon. I m so anxious for you to find some
thing to interest and occupy you His glance
dropped an instant to the papers and law books as
though wishing he had something better with which
to occupy himself. "Besides," he added carelessly,
"Francis won t be here to see what you do gone off
with Scoggins up somewhere in the hills big dog
fight up there and Francis took four curs, Scoggins
two they won t be back till night so go ahead!"
But I had caught the back of a chair.
"Dog-fight?" I said faintly. "Frances up in the
hills and and with Scoggins?" And she had
only left me a half-hour ago !
"Why, certainly!" he said wearily, almost testily.
"What of it ? I tell you you ve got to get your ideas
3 o8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
all readjusted about Francis. What s the matter
with the dog-fight ?"
"So so surprised," I faltered; "so unexpected,
you know !"
"Poof!" and he pushed me out through the
doorway "I never face anything unexpected in that
quarter!"
But I think he would have, if he had followed me
across into the dining-room and had faced, as I
did-
Frances !
"So glad you didn t go to the dog-fight!" I said
presently, beaming across at her delightedly.
Her sweet lips glowed at me as her dainty fingers
poised the tiny trident before her lips. Jove, how I
envied that jolly oyster! Then she smiled witch-
ingly, teasingly.
"It wasn t because I didn t have an invitation,"
she responded archly. 7 knew! That beast, Scog-
gins!
"Umph ;" grunted the frump, seated on the curve
between us. "I verily believe Francis would go to
anything !"
I scowled couldn t help it, dash it ! And Frances
saw, and ducked her head, biting her lip and blush
ing. I could have choked the frump for so embar
rassing her !
Yet the woman did try to be pleasant to me.
"Did you ever find a pearl in an oyster, Mr. Light-
nut ?" she asked.
JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 309
"By Jove, no!" I said, staring at her for the fool
question. For who could ever lose a pearl in a jolly
oyster, don t you know ? And yet, the next instant :
"/ have !" said my darling, glancing up at me the
oddest way.
"Have you, Frances?" the frump faced her
interestedly. "You should examine with a micro
scope the interstratifications of calcareous matter
and animal membrane."
My beauty looked down at her plate.
"I am examining it," she said gravely, "and
microscopically. Probably shall this afternoon."
But she didn t! No, by Jove, we were together
almost all the afternoon, though we never could get
away from the frump dash it, she just took charge
of us. And it was the same again in the evening.
By Jove, it was disgusting really, that s the only
word to use the way that woman assumed toward
everybody the air of expect-to-be-mistress-here-
some-day-and-might-as-well-begin-now!
Once she did break away from us for fifteen min
utes while she went up to see how Jack was. She
came back much relieved.
"He was so glad to see me," she said, "and he
kissed me twice. We had such an interesting dis-
ttission about the amoeba."
"The what?" asked Frances.
"The amoeba; tiny animalcules, don t you know,
that have the power of changing their form and ap
pearance, Jacky thinks that perhaps man, too, in
3 io THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
the process of time and evolution might scientifically
acquire this "
"How silly!" laughed my darling. And I thought
so too. Of course if a man looked like himself once,
he would ahvays look like himself. Any fool knew
that !
Later, the judge came to my room, accompanied
by Wilkes with some Heidelberg punch, frappe.
"Couldn t leave you out of this," he said genially;
"besides, wanted to toast your first night under the
roof of Wolhurst!
"Hope they re making you comfortable," he went
on. "Infernal shame, Lightnut, that I ve had to neg
lect you so; so absurdly busy, you know you un
derstand ?"
I pretended to, for I knew he wanted me to think
that, but I had heard the butler tell the frump that
the judge was reading.
"Don t expect to retire at all," he continued ; "and
then there s my promise to my poor boy I must
keep that somehow ; never failed on a promise in my
life I mean, you know, about wearing his new pa
jamas." He shook his head sadly.
"T be sure!" and I swallowed hard Jove, but
the very word, "pajamas," gave me cold marrows!
"And, my boy, I haven t forgotten my promise to
you, either," he continued, smiling kindly and re
plenishing my glass to the brim. "I m still going to
have a word with Francis to-night that is, if they
JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 311
ever get back from that infernal dog-fight I want
to pave the way for you, you know."
"Thanks awfully !" I murmured nervously.
Somehow, I felt mean always hate to feel mean,
dash it felt almost like a jolly cad, in fact.
Couldn t tell him how far Frances and I had pro
gressed already; he might take it out on her, you
know. And then, to find out that he didn t know
she hadn t gone to the dog-fight after all !
"Well," he sighed, "I will manage it all somehow,
even about the pajamas. Perhaps, when the house
is quiet, I may here, have another oh, yes, you
must! won t hurt you; only a pint or so of rum
in the whole mixture. Fine, isn t it? Yes, I think
Wilkes is certainly an artist, when it comes to a
nightcap. Now, let me fill yours again oh, yes!"-
and he did it "Won t hurt a baby make you sleep
tight, you know!"
And, by Jove, I had to go it !
"Well he shifted as if to go, and sent me a
smile over his glass s rim, "pleasant dreams!"
And then the door closed behind our "good
nights."
Jenkins was studying me somberly.
"Yes, sir," he said presently, when I had made
comment about the bully punch. And that was
about all I could get out of him, until he was ready
to push out the light.
Then he addressed me gloomily :
3 i2 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Good night, sir," he said with a sickly, feeble
smile, "I hope you ll sleep well ; and " he coughed
faintly "and er wake up h m all right!"
"Frisky as a " I bunched my head sleepily into
the pillow "as a jolly " But the idea wouldn t
come!
"Night!" I murmured; and let it go at that!
CHAPTER XXXI
THE DEMON RUM
I DIDN T feel frisky when I awoke!
No, dash it, I had a devilish headache and my
mouth had that gummy, warm-varnish taste you
know ! The sunlight lay across the floor, and out
side I could hear the jolly birds twittering among
their what s-its-names. Jenkins stood by the foot of
the bed and somehow had a gloomy look. He
cleared his throat, and I had a feeling that he had
already done it several times. I raised to my elbow,
mouthing at him heavily.
"Morning, sir!" He said it very gently I
thought solicitously. "How do you feel, sir?" This
last in the kind of tone you use when the chap s go
ing to die to-morrow, don t you know, and doesn t
know it yet himself.
I mumbled reply, gulping down the glass of ice-
water he tendered.
He rubbed his hands one over the other and
stooped above me anxiously.
"I hope, sir, you re not in much pain from last
night, sir, I mean?"
"Pain?" I ejaculated crossly. "Why should I be
in pain? Don t be a silly ass !"
313
3 14 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Yes, sir!" very softly, and with a deep sigh as
he dropped back. By Jove, he looked as cheerful
as a jolly tombstone!
"What the deuce " I began.
"Noth nothing, sir!" hastily "I was just
a-thinking of the h m may I say scrimmage,
sir?"
I waited till I had taken from his hand the second
glass of ice-water and swallowed it, thinking maybe
I would get hold of it the dashed idea, I mean.
I batted at him perplexedly.
"What was that? Scrimmage? I don t remem
ber hearing anything what s that ?"
And I reached for another glass.
"Pardon, sir " Jenkins eye shifted unhappily;
"but may I ask, sir, what is the last thing you do
remember ?"
"Eh?"
I sat up a bit straighter, rubbing my head and
devilish annoyed at being made to try to think at all.
Then I remembered : We were in a jolly blue aero
plane drawn by golden humming-birds and she was
just telling me no, dash it, that was a dream just
a dashed dream! I groaned, dropping my head upon
my knees. "Why, the last thing I remember was the
punch punch "
"Punch yes, sir !" And Jenkins sighed.
"Your punch to put out the light," I finished.
Then I looked at him, startled. "Oh, I say, now, it
wasn t burglars, was it?"
THE DEMON RUM 315
You see, I thought at once of Foxy Grandpa and
my darling s pajamas.
"Not precisely, sir." Jenkins hesitated; then
moved a little nearer. "I I hope you ll pardon me,
Mr. Lightnut, sir ; but I can t help a feeling that you
ought to know everything before h m I was go
ing to say, sir, before you see the family. I hope
you ll pardon me, sir!" he heaved desperately "I
mean about all that happened last night."
I stared. "Oh, I say, Jenkins," I said, with an
anxious thought, "you didn t er you know I
mean you and Wilkes didn t drink the rest of the
punch after he took it away, you know eh?"
"Me?" Jenkins hand clutched the heavy brass
curve at the foot of the bed. "No, sir!" and he
added sadly : "Besides, sir, there wasn t any rest of
it! Mr. Wil I mean Wilkes, was a-commenting
on it. That was how I come to find I didn t have
any more of the blank pledges. So I just walked
across the park to get some extra ones I had given
the gardener, and he said I could have em all, if
I d just let him get a little sleep ; and he chucked em
all out of his window. Seemed irritated like because
I woke him up. And then, sir, I don t know whether
it was because of the splashing of the fountains, but
I had an idea."
"That s nothing," I said contemptuously, "I often
do at night when I hear water splashing. I often
get up and get something."
Jenkins face sobered. "I know it, sir pardon,
3 i6 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
sir, I mean I frequently know you have h m
know by the glasses you understand, sir!" Then
he went on : "The idea that came to me was a great
liberty I know that, sir, and I m sorry but I guess
I was thinking that about the end justifies you
know it, sir?"
I didn t know, but I did wish he would make an
end!
"The library windows was open on the loggia, sir,
and when I looked in, I didn t see anybody and I
thought " Jenkins coughed and looked devilish
rattled "thought I would just slip in and lay a few
of the temperance pledges between the papers the
judge had been working on." Jenkins reddened,
looking at me in an appealing way.
"Jove!" I ejaculated, staring. "Oh, I say, now!"
"Yes, sir," faintly "I knew how you would
feel I ain t excusing myself, sir; and when I
heard your voice I tried to get out, but there wasn t
time, so I " Jenkins touched his hands in front,
then behind him, and shifted distressfully, "I I hid
behind the alcove curtains h m and just then
"Here!" I broke in, "Wait, dash it! Whose voice
did you hear?"
Jenkins eyes ducked.
"Yours, sir," he said faintly. "And then you
came in."
I stared, trying to take it in. Couldn t chirp a
word, don t you know, for to think I had taken to
sleep-walking and her el
THE DEMON RUM 317
Jenkins proceeded rapidly: "You was cording a
dressing-robe about you as you came in and I see
a glimpse of one of your dark suits underneath.
And following right behind you was that young Mr.
Bi h m pardon, sir, I remember you said I wasn t
to mention any one connected with that ni h m!
You know who I mean, sir?" he paused anxiously
"Young man, sir freckled face and the big lot
of" his spreading fingers curved above his head
"awfully yellow hair um, you know, sir ?"
"Oh, that!" I said with contempt, for I knew he
meant that mucker, Scoggins. Then incredulously :
"Oh, I say, you don t mean I was talking to him?
And asleep ?"
Jenkins eyed me reproachfully. "Not asleep, sir,"
he remonstrated gently.
"But I tell you"
"Mr. Lightnut, sir, it was the punch!" He shook
his head. "If you ll excuse me for mentioning
"Oh!" I remarked weakly, falling back upon tny
pillow. "Jove, Jenkins !" And I just looked at him
stupidly fact !
Jenkins stroked his chin, his eyes fixed somberly
above my head. "The demon rum, sir," he said
slowly, and using the deep, heavy chest tones like
the high-up politicians and expensive lecturers, "is
rampant in our fair land that s what I heard Doc
tor Splasher remark and the insid jus monster is
slowly "
And he went on, but I didn t hear. I was trying
3 i8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
to think. So I hadn t been sleep-walking, but had
been just plain drunk and in her home! so jolly
well corked, in fact, I hadn t even a dashed glimmer
of memory of it. Had been making a spectacle of
myself, going all about the house in the wee what-
you-call- em hours of the night and probably oh,
good heavens, probably singing!
I dropped my head back upon the pillow.
"Go on," I said. "Tell me all!"
"Yes, sir," resumed Jenkins, "as I was saying,
you came in with you know er the young fel
low. He kinder slouched in, looking a bit sulk}-.
" T ve been watching for you to get back from tlie
dog-fight/ you says to him ; sit down, I want to talk
to you. But the young fellow just stood square in
the middle of the floor and just kinder scowled
black.
"Then you says, pleasant-like : I ve been talking
with a friend of yours, my son, who thinks I haven t
treated you quite fair.
" *O ! says this young fellow, and seems kinder
surprised. Then he got red.
" And so, my boy, you went on, tightening your
glass as you looked at him, if I ve been harsh I m
sorry suppose we start all over again what do
you say? I don t want to cross you in anything
if I can help it I want to help you.
My abrupt ejaculation halted Jenkins an instant,
then he proceeded :
" I say, do you mean that? asks young Mr. Bi
THE DEMON RUM 319
I mean, this young fellow" Jenkins stirred nerv
ously "and you says, kinder laughing : there s my
hand on it ! and then you both shook.
" One minute/ says the boy, still looking kinder
puzzled and uncertain, I want to know what about
Frances. How do we stand about that?
"You just laughed sorter and went up and clapped
him right on the shoulder and you says : Why, if
you can, my son, just go in and win her. / don t
care! and you said it hearty-like. You went on:
I haven t a word to say in fact, I d be only too
glad to see you succeed.
Here I straightened with almost a screech :
"What? I said that? Oh, now, Jenkins, you
oh, you re mistaken!"
Jenkins eyed me sorrowfully.
"Your words, sir, exactly, and then you went on,
kinder persuadingly : Why, I haven t meant to
stand in your way at all !
I groaned.
"Go on !" I breathed through my teeth. Then I
straightened forward. "What did the judge call
that punch what kind?"
"Heidelberg punch, sir," a sympathetic pause as
I swept my hand through my hair. "Yes, sir, it cer
tainly must be something high oh, awful, sir!"
He went on as I dipped my head at him. "Then
this young chap catches you by the hand and he says,
"Why, you re a brick, after all! And you says:
Yes, we ll get along better now, my boy, and you
320 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
want to be mighty grateful to Dicky Lightnut for
it. And this young fellow says, kinder smiling:
Indeed, I am! And then him and you just shook
hands again all over."
Jenkins stopped for breath, but I didn t say a
word. By Jove, it all made me a bit sick, don t you
know. Oh, I must have been maudlin, that s what
maudlin. I managed to wag my head to start
him off again ; couldn t speak, you know !
"Yes, sir." Then you says : That s all right, now,
my boy; so you run along, because I m awfully busy.
To-morrow we ll talk some more.
Bully ! says the chap. Good night, old man !
Then he turns back, kinder smiling sidewise. Tt s
sure on the level, is it, that you re going to let me
have a clear road with Frances?
Oh, bother Frances ! you says laughing. Yes,
yes, and when you win her, she ll be to me as my
own girl. And I know I ll have her love, too.
What s that ? says the young fellow, kinder
frowning. And you says, easy-like, Why, we ll
just be one happy family. Then you chuckled like
you was mighty pleased and says : And I think she
is learning to like me pretty well already. Why, do
you know what she did to-night? She came right
up to me and in the sweetest way kissed me good
night. "
"Oh !" I said, digging my fingers into the bed
clothes, "Oh!"
"Yes, sir!" said Jenkins chokily. He went on:
THE DEMON RUM 321
"This young fellow just marches right close up to
you and says, speaking kinder quiet and his eyes
shining, You say Frances kissed you? And you
sorter gave a laugh and dug him in the side and you
says, I do believe the boy is jealous! Why, yes,
you rascal, she certainly did she kissed me !
" Well, it s a lie ! he says back, pointing at you
with his finger. Because it ain t like her. And he
got closer.
" See here, he says, have you just been trying to
get gay with me to-night? Huh! well, I m just
going to box your jaws for luck !
" What? you gasps what s that? and you
storms up to him Why, you young puppy, do you
know who you re talking to? you says.
" Bah ! he says, and he just goes up and snaps his
fingers in your face. You chokes kinder, and then
you yells at him: Why, you young ruffian, I ve
spanked you before, and I can do it again
" Yah ! he says, making faces at you. You
spanked ! You hit me when I wasn t looking. My
foot slipped.
" Foot slipped, you blanked fool ! you shouts at
him, and then " Jenkins wiped his forehead
"Then the next thing I see, you mixed."
"Ah!" I breathed with relief. "That s better!"
I chuckled. Then suddenly I felt remorseful.
"Where did I hit him this time, Jenkins did you
notice? Was he hurt much?"
Jenkins looked down, avoiding my eyes. "Um,
322 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
not exactly, sir," he said ; "in fact, it was er kind
er the other way."
I stared, aghast.
"You don t mean, Jenkins
Jenkins evidently did ! His eyes expressed both
pity and embarrassment.
"What he did to you," he rolled his glance up
ward, trying to shape the idea "I believe, sir, it s
what you might call" his voice dropped "I be
lieve it s what they do call wiping up the floor with."
I closed my eyes an instant.
"Finish !" I whispered, feebly flipping my hand at
him.
"He left then, sir, but the noise brought Wilkes
and we helped you up-stairs. You wouldn t go any
farther than the door of the judge s bedroom-
wanted to tell him, we supposed. When we got that
far, I noticed Mr. Jack Billings door it s right op
posite, you remember, sir was standing just a little
open. He called out very anxious and shrill : Oh,
do be very careful of the pajamas ! My ! my ! I hope
the pajamas are not hurt !
"And at that, you just bangs inside the judge s
room and in about two minutes, he stuck his head
out, looking kinder towsled and mad like he d been
waked from a sound sleep, and he fires a wrapped-
up parcel at the door opposite and yells :
" There are your pajamas, you unnatural, heart
less prodigal! Pajamas, indeed, at such a time!
THE DEMON RUM 323
And then I see Mr. Jack s arm come out and fish
the package inside.
"Then the judge turns on me and Wilkes and or
dered us to clear out and to go to bed. And Wilkes
said we d best do it because the judge would take
care of you and get you to your room quietly. And
the last thing I heard before he slammed inside his
room was :
" There s one thing ; I ve got a daughter !
I looked at Jenkins miserably. He was right; he
did have a daughter, and I wanted her. But just
now, I wished with all heart that she was somebody s
anybody else s daughter than that of the man
who had witnessed my humiliation.
And afterwards
How had he managed to get me to my room?
And had she seen or heard me? Oh, she must have !
Well, nothing mattered now nothing could ever
matter any more. It was some miserable comfort
to feel, and know, that nothing worse could ever
happen !
Why, there was nothing worse left in all the
world. By Jove, I was sure of that much !
And just then a knock sounded.
CHAPTER XXXII
I TOUCH BOTTOM
"TDARDON, sir, for not waiting till you came
*- down," the butler was saying, "but Mr. Billings
was just so set on me bringing this to you, I had
to."
He had entered, responding to Jenkins invitation,
bearing in his hand a gray paper parcel.
"For me?" I questioned, as he laid it on the table,
and I eyed it ominously. Yet it could not be the
same I had sent Billings myself I could see that
for it was smaller, more compact, and in a different
wrapper. But I was afraid to examine it.
"Yes, sir he s very bad this morning, sir; the
er that is, something last night seems to have ex
cited him."
His eye roved eloquently between Jenkins and
myself. He continued soberly :
"He s locked me and Perkins out of his rooms
again, and wouldn t open the door only wide enough
to stick this through. And his message" hesitat
ingly "he said just tell you you had better get
these pajamas back where they came from just as
324
I TOUCH BOTTOM 325
quickly as you could you would if you were wise,
he said."
"Oh!" I uttered, dazed by this new blow. So it
was her pajamas.
But there was more of the message I could see
it in Wilkes eye.
"Yes, sir," he went on as I gave him a nod. "Mr.
Billings called through the door-crack and his voice
was particularly shrill screechy-like very unnat
ural, sir and he said : You tell him I say he ll find
it very dangerous to keep them by him a moment;
tell him my advice is to return them immediately!
Here the butler hesitated an instant and added:
"And he said for me to try to remember three let
ters I was to mention said you would understand."
"Three letters?" I repeated dully.
"Yes, sir, three letters I did remember em, too,
because they happened to be the initials of a young
woman I h m! Q. E. D., sir."
"Q. E. D. ?" I said, puzzled and miserable.
"What s Q. E. D. ?" And then an idea startled me.
"Oh I say, you mean er P. D. Q. eh,
Wilkes ?" It sounded like Jack !
But he seemed sure he didn t; insisted on Q. E. D.
When he had withdrawn, I sat there a moment,
swallowing hard. By Jove, when a chap has had the
hardest blow of his life, and that, too, from his best
friend, it s devilish hard to come up smiling. I took
a deep breath and tried to pull myself together. I
knew, of course, it was all over everything; it was
326 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
all over, just as everything was beginning with me.
For I knew my life never had been worth a whoop
before. Why, by Jove, I never even noticed how
beautiful were the trees and the sunshine through
the leaves until the last two days ! But I had seen it,
because she had seen it ! And now now it was all
dull and flat and dead again, and all the world was
gray ! Ever been there eh ?
I climbed heavily to my feet, for I knew, after all,
he was acting devilish considerately as he saw things,
and I must just have the decency to do as he said
and then go. I couldn t explain, of course.
Mustn t try to do that so dashed clumsy, I would
only complicate it for her. No, I By Jove, I
suddenly felt sick. Sat there, doubled forward, my
head between my hands, as the butler retired, softly
closing the door behind him.
Presently I pulled myself together. Jenkins, as
he helped me dress, eyed me in a frightened way, his
face kind of pale and greenish. Neither of us said
a word, but I knew I had his sympathy, poor fellow
and it helped ! Then, with the parcel in my hand,
I marched slowly down the stairs, forgetting even
some instructions I should have given Jenkins.
She was there in the living-room she and the
frump. And when I saw her dear face and realized
what disaster had come between us, I felt things
whirling around me like a jolly what s-its-name and
dropped my hand on a chair-back hard, until I could
stiffen and smile up. But, by Jove, she was on !
I TOUCH BOTTOM 327
"Is anything the matter, Mr. Lightnut?" she
asked, coming toward me and how kindly, almost
tenderly, her sweet face softened !
"Is it anything about Jacky?" snapped the frump.
I shook my head and just gently placed the little
wrapped parcel in Frances hands. My hand shook
so I almost dropped it.
"Some something of yours that was lost," I
said, and I knew my voice shook a little, too. "I
was fortunate in recovering it." I looked at her
for the last time, I knew and it was just my devil
ish luck that she got misty and dim. I \vhispered
hoarsely: "Open when you are alone."
And then I walked straight out of the house !
A gardener directed me to the park gates, but
there were so many dashed curves and terraces I
got hopelessly twisted, and pretty soon didn t know
whether I was leaving or coming, don t you know.
I sat down on an iron bench to think it over, and, by
Jove, I must have dozed off, for the first thing I
knew some one yelled my name, and I looked up to
see Billings !
He was looking a bit soiled and disheveled, and
his eyes had a hunted look.
"What the devil are you doing, sitting here ?" he
demanded.
"I I m going," I said, hurriedly getting to my
feet. "Just resting I"
"They told me I would find you here," he said.
"Here you are, sitting out here in the hot sun with-
328 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
out any hat! Good thing, Dicky, you haven t got
any h m !" Then he panted at me : "Say, nice way
you and my sister treated me I don t think! But
I ll forgive you this time." Here he linked his arm
in mine. "I ll forgive you, if you never say any
thing at the club about those damned black pajamas
nor in the family, either. Great Scott ! I wouldn t
have this get out !"
"I wouldn t think of such a thing!" I exclaimed,
immeasurably relieved, but indignant, as well. He
led me across the turf.
"Oh, I ve had an awful time, Dicky! Awful!"
he lifted his hands "Oh, I don t want to tell you
about it I don t want even to think about it my
self!"
I murmured something sympathetic, for I felt
sympathetic with anything; besides, there still lin
gered a bit of headache from the Heidelberg punch
and I could imagine from that what his feelings
must have been.
"By George, Dicky," he burst out again, "the way
I ve been shut up and treated just seems like some
infernal conspiracy. Good thing Jack Ellsworth s
dad had a pull with the mayor tell you all the
whole rotten business when I can talk about it
quietly."
"That s right! that s right!" I said soothingly,
"wouldn t think about it at all now, old chap !" No
use reminding him, you know, that he had shut
himself up. Besides, the wandering of the mind
I TOUCH BOTTOM 329
to Jack Ellsworth and his father showed me that
even yet he was not quite himself.
Billings mopped his forehead. "My, but it was
hot in that hole!" he exclaimed. "And that re
minds me have you seen the governor this morn
ing? No? Well, talk about hot! George, but the
old man was hot under the collar when I saw him
just now ! And he looks like he had been dropped
from a shot tower! It s this case he s working on,
I guess, or else it s about Francis. He s found out
what / knew."
"Do do you think so?" I questioned nervously.
"Pretty sure," said Billings carelessly. "Fact is,
he s already fixing up to send Francis to some kind
of reformatory heard him making the arrange
ments over the phone" I was glad he didn t look
at me as he rattled on "and, by the way, the gov
ernor told me to tell you not to say a word to
Francis I suppose you ll understand."
Understand? Oh, yes, 7 understood!"
"And he said he wanted to see you."
"Is is he here?" I stammered, pulling back.
"Thank goodness, no. Gone to meet Colonel
Francis Kirkland say, don t say anything about it
wants to surprise his daughter, you know. On
his way to London via San Francisco arrived at
Washington a few days ago."
Oh, the frump s father! Much I cared! But
knowing how interested he was in her, I tried to
show an interest.
330 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Colonel Francis er isn t his daughter named
after him?" And I felt myself grow jolly red, for
I remembered that she had told me that about her
friend as she sat on the arm of the Morris chair and
in the black pajamas.
"Hanged if / know," said Billings carelessly. "I
don t know what her name is don t remember that
I ever heard." He whistled. "Say, but did you
ever see anything as stunningly pretty in your life?"
I balked. By Jove, I had been doing some mild
lying within the past twenty-four hours, but this
was asking too much ! Dash me if I just could go
it, that s all. But he didn t seem to notice.
He slapped me on the back. "By George, Dicky,
there s just the girl cut out for you, old chap take
my tip. I think she likes you, too could see it just
now when I was talking about you."
So that was it, I reflected gloomily. The frump
now was to be worked off on me, and I was expected
to stand for it. I was to be a sort of what-you-
call-it offering on the altar of friendship. That was
the condition upon which he was patching up things !
Billings laughed suddenly. "But, oh, I tell you it
would be hard on Francis a regular knockout, by
George!"
Devilish brutal for him to say so, I thought.
"Do you think so?" I questioned dismally.
"Would Frances really care?"
"Oh, yes," he said lightly. "Soon get over it,
though puppy love, you know."
I TOUCH BOTTOM 331
Puppy love, indeed! By Jove, how I hated Bil
lings !
He went on : "Suppose you never heard any
thing of the professor and the pajamas?"
I had not, and I was devilish sick of pajamas,
anyway.
"And say, Dicky, I don t remember that I ever
thanked you properly, old man, for putting up my
kid brother the other night. He says you treated
him like a brick and that you and he got to be great
pals. So much obliged, old chap, because he wanted
to go running around, you know."
"Your brother?" I questioned, astonished, and I
guess my face must have showed it, for Billings
eyes, first opening wide, narrowed, and his counte
nance began to gather an angry red. He stopped
short.
"Didn t he stay with you?" he snapped.
I stared blankly. "Why, Billings I didn t know
I didn t remember you had a brother. I never
have seen him."
fillings face swelled redder, and he struck his
fist down with an oath. He looked angrily toward
the house. Then he stepped hurriedly in advance of
me.
"Excuse me, old chap, will you?" he said, his
voice hardened. "Will see you at luncheon make
yourself at home, won t you?"
CHAPTER XXXIII
UNDER THE PERGOLA
MAKE myself at home! I sneaked under the
quiet shade in a convenient pergola, and, drop
ping upon a bench, gazed gloomily at the sunlight
patches at my feet.
"Oh, here you are, eh?" broke harshly upon me.
I looked up, startled from my mood. There,
hands upon his hips and scowling, stood the chauf
feur!
I frowned, but the fellow just moved nearer.
"I guess mamma s baby don t feel so spry this
morning!" he jeered. "Does its little heady-cums
ache-urns eh ?"
I grunted rather wearily. "If it does, my good
fellow, it s none of your business. Don t bother
me!" I shifted the other way.
"Oh, isn t it?" his tone quickened truculently
"Well, maybe I ll make it my business !" He jerked
his arm at me, continuing sharply : "Look here,
you glass-eyed monkey-jack, don t you get flip with
me this morning" he laughed coarsely "or I ll
think you want some more ! Do you ?"
I turned my head and, polishing my monocle care
fully, gave it a tight screw and took him in slowly,
332
UNDER THE PERGOLA 333
beginning with his yellow mop of hair and ending
with the toes of his soiled canvas shoes. By Jove, I
was sure they d never been whitened since he bought
them.
I seemed to anger him. He uttered a sort of
snort with a mutter uncomplimentary and strode for
ward, towering above me where I sat.
"Answer, when I m talking to you, you sap-
headed fool," he bellowed, "or I ll wring your neck !
I asked if you wanted some more."
I stretched my arms, trying their muscle room in
a lengthy yawn, and blinked at him with my free eye,
wondering where the deuce he got the crimson hat
band. By Jove, that was the most dashed imperti
nent thing of all !
"More what?" I drawled indifferently.
"More of that!" viciously and thwack his
knuckles struck against the iron back of the jolly
bench. For I wasn t there, don t you know.
"Huh ! Think you re some smart, don t you ?" he
sneered, hitching his trousers band. "Now, look
here" he leveled his finger "you re a guest here
and I know I oughtn t to do it, and I hate it for
Jack s sake, but I m feeling I ll just have to give
you another trimming this lovely morning!" He
chuckled, rolling his lips and spreading them till I
could see every tooth. He moved toward me lei
surely, slipping up his sleeves. "What you got last
night, sonny, was for your own sake, but this time
it s going to be for Frances you fishworm!"
334 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"Guess we ll leave Miss Frances out of it, don t
you know," I remonstrated. Dash the fellow s im
pudence ! Then, remembering I was wearing a coat
of dark cheviot that was the very devil for showing
every speck of dust, I slipped out of it and looked
about for somewhere to hang it. Not a dashed
place, of course ; not a thing, you know, except nails
here and there in the wooden uprights of the pergola,
and of course nails wouldn t do to hang a coat on.
So I just folded the jolly thing carefully very care
fully, just as I had seen Jenkins do and then I
held it on my arm.
The chap had been shifting about me in a curve,
clucking his tongue contemptuously and muttering,
and getting more jolly red-eyed and abusive every
minute.
"Be a man!" he snarled. "You blame tailor s
dummy, be a man!" And he struck his chest a blow
to show me what he meant.
And just then I remembered to smooth my hair-
part.
"Oh, you With a growl like a bear, he swept
both his hands to his head and whirled them through
his great yellow pile, leaving each hair standing on
end like the quills on the fretful what s-its-name.
Then he danced toward me, pausing irregularly to
double over with a chuckle.
"Oh, this is too good!" he yelped. "But I can t
help it; I jest can t refuse the money, Lizzie! I
UNDER THE PERGOLA 335
know they ll send me away for this, but Oh,
mamma !"
And over he d double again.
Oddest thing, isn t it, how your jolly active mind
will wander at the rummest times; and I had a
thought then of how, when I was a delicate boy,
bully old Doctor Dake and Doctor Madden had pre
scribed a punching-bag, and later boxing-gloves.
And I thought with a pang of what ripping times
the governor and I had, scrapping, and of what
knocks he gradually began to give me until he forced
me to learn to come back harder. Jove, what cork
ing hours we had ! And then when Chugsey, the re
tired English light-weight champion, came to butler
oh, what smashing three-handed rounds we used
to have ! Bully old governor, who was never so busy
on his sermons but what he could take a walk or
a ride with me ; or talk with me, or fight with me !
Why, he-
By Jove, my dashed monocle got so cloudy of a
sudden, I almost missed the chauffeur s move
almost, don t you know !
And then
"I say t you know!" I said disgustedly, as I
screwed my monocle at him there, his big yellow mat
sticking out of sight through the jolly vines. "Aw
fully raw tiling to strike at a man and leave your
guard open like that I could have put it over your
heart, don t you know !"
336 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
I heard a little sound behind me and there was
she!
"Oh!" I gasped as I slipped into my coat. And
now I was miserable, for I remembered how kind
this chauffeur, Scoggins, had been to her. And for
her to have seen me in this vulgar row !
"Yes, I saw it all," she said, as I moved toward
her, murmuring some jolly effort at apology. Her
eyes were shining. "I saw it all, sir and heard.
And just when I had hunted you up with these !"-
and then I saw that her arms were burgeoning with
roses. "See what I ve been doing for you, sir!"
"For me?" By Jove, it was all I could say as I
took them!
"And you ran off!" She pouted adorably nat
urally, too, dash it. I ve seen them put it on when
they looked like they had toothache. "How am I
ever going to thank you about the pajamas?" By
Jove, her big blue eyes looked me frankly in the
face. There was never a quiver of embarrassment.
"It s wonderful and to find them here!"
"I d I d have got em to you sooner," I faltered,
swallowing, "but they ve been lost a day or two
thief stole them from my rooms, you know."
"How on earth did you ever get hold of them ? I
never expected to see those pajamas again. Oh, you
must tell me all about how you managed it !" and
we moved away "I just ivish father were here !"
/ didn t! Dash it, it made me squirm to think of
his return.
UNDER THE PERGOLA 337
As we left the pergola behind, I looked backward
through its arch, and there was the chauffeur, stand
ing in the shadows, looking after us. And long
after, as we turned from the straight avenue leading
through the pergola, I descried his figure, still look
ing after us, unchanged, immovable.
It was rum !
But I had other things to think of as we sat out in
the loggia chiefly of her, herself; withal, wonder
ing gloomily what her father would say when he
found I had disobeyed his injunction about not
speaking to her. Presently the summons to lunch
eon came, and we went in.
From up-stairs came sounds indicating great hi
larity on Billings part. In fact, we could hear
him slapping his knee and screaming. The frump
looked at me anxiously.
"Why, I understood he was all right again," she
said aside.
I shook my head dubiously. I had seen in the
past day or two how rapidly Billings moods shifted.
Twenty minutes since he had looked enraged.
"Oh, this is too good but keep it mum!" we
heard. "Come on, Professor!"
"Professor?" The frump looked at Frances, then
at Wilkes inquiringly.
"I didn t know, miss," he murmured contritely.
" S why I didn t mention it."
We were crossing the great hall in the direction of
the beautiful dining-room beyond Elizabethan, I
338 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
think Frances said it was. We all paused expect
antly as Billings rolled down the stairs in his usual
jolly, elephantine way. And then on the landing
appeared an apparition not only an apparition, but,
by Jove, a scarecrow, as well !
Professor Doozenberry, blandly smiling his rail-
like figure shrouded flabbily in one of Billings larg
est and loudest suits! Billings went through the
form of introductions, chuckling idiotically the
while. But the professor scarcely noticed any one
but the frump.
"Don t wait, Wilkes," Billings directed. His nod
beckoned me aside.
"Gentleman sulking in his tent over here I want
you to meet," he said. And I followed him to the
library. A figure pacing the floor turned sharply.
By Jove, it was the chauffeur, and how he did scowl
at me!
"Now, young man," said Billings sternly, "per
haps you ll have the nerve to tell me before Air.
Lightnut himself that you were his guest on your
way home from Harvard."
"I certainly was!" He made the statement, chin
up and eyes blazing. "I was his guest at the Kahoka
Wednesday night, and he knows it."
Billings looked at me and shrugged his shoulders.
"Don t bother denying it, old man," he said. "It s
all right."
"Oh, but I say it isn t!" I exclaimed in dis
gusted amaze. "Dashed impertinence, you know
UNDER THE PERGOLA 339
never saw this fellow before the morning at the
er boat, and day before yesterday when I I
halted, remembering.
But the fellow was shaking his finger at me.
"A-a-a !" he jeered like a school-boy. "Why don t
you finish? Bet you don t know, Jack, that this
paragon friend of yours was up here on the train
day before yesterday." Billings stared, for he did
not know.
The chap grew more impudent. "Yah, see him
turn red !"
"By Jove !" I exclaimed, warming up, you know.
"Say, Billings, who the devil is this fellow?" And
I advanced angrily dashed annoyed, you know.
Billings interposed. "My brother," he said
quietly.
"Yes, his brother," almost shouted the other.
Then he lowered his voice at Billings command:
"And I say, you didn t tell Jack you were on the
train yesterday, posing as a Mr. Smith, and that
you insulted Frances." He shook off his brother s
hand angrily. "Oh, yes he did sister told me
about it ! I knew it was you when I got to thinking
about it this morning !" He panted for breath. "I
can t call you a liar, Lightnut, when you say I
wasn t at your rooms, because you re a quicker hit
ter than I am, and " He looked around and
shrugged. "And because we are in this house.
But you re an infernal hypocrite, and I want Jack to
know it." He laughed mockingly and faced his
340 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
brother. "Ask your friend, Mr. Lightnut, about
that girl in black pajamas in his rooms!"
And he flung himself from the room with a Par
thian shot : "Ask him to tell you about her as he
did me. Ask him who it was!"
Billings seemed to groan. "More black paja
mas!" he muttered.
I faced him eagerly. "I never told him about
her I ll swear I didn t," I pleaded miserably.
"You know all there is to know, Jack. I wouldn t
tell anybody in the world a thing like that. I love
her too well. Much less would I go and tell her
own brother."
"Wha-a-a-t ?" Billings fat body almost leaped
into the air. "What the devil say, old chap, what
are you talking about?"
"And, besides, she s forgiven me," I persisted
gloomily. "And I love her and and we re going
to be married or I hope so, dash it !"
Billings stared at me with popping eyes for an
instant. Then he lifted my chin and looked at me
anxiously. "Are you quite well, old man?" he
asked. "Headache, or anything like that? By
George, it s from sitting out in that sun without a
hat. Marry my sister?" He wagged his head lugu
briously. "What Elizabeth? Oh, good heavens !"
"No Frances," I explained anxiously.
He stared. "Francis?" Then his arm led me
out. "Come along, old chap," he said with an air of
concern. "We ll get a little ice
UNDER THE PERGOLA 341
There was a bustle near the hall entrance, and I
heard a commanding voice I recognized as that of
Judge Billings:
"Come right in, Colonel, and we will try to make
you forget that little exasperation do you know I
just can t get over the idea that I ve seen you some
where and recently Hello, Jack! Colonel Kirk-
land, my eldest boy, Jack named after his mother,
Johanna. Look here, Jack, has everybody on the
blithering police force gone crazy about pajamas?
Most infernal outrage pardon me, Colonel Kirk-
land three policemen wanted to arrest him on de
scription dragnet order, they said for stealing a
pair of black silk pajamas. Ever hear the like of
that?"
Billings voice murmured something, and then I
was dully conscious of my name being passed and
of the fact that I was limply shaking a hand. But
I don t remember uttering a word couldn t, by
Jove, for my jolly tongue was paralyzed. Didn t
know what to do; didn t know what to say, you
know, for there before my eyes, recognizable and
unmistakable, despite frock coat and white choker
tie, was the figure of "Foxy Grandpa."
The beefy face, white mutton chop whiskers and
bald head were as indelibly imprinted on my mem
ory as the sunburn line that fenced his fiery face.
And this was the frump s father, and it was for
him she was scheming to make a home !
CHAPTER XXXIV
THE CUB
f DIDN T go in to luncheon.
-* Instead, I lay down up in my room, wondering
what Jenkins would think when he saw Foxy
Grandpa a guest with me under this roof, and won
dering also what I ought to do, or if I should do
anything. I came to the conclusion finally that I
wouldn t say anything for the present, for I had
about all the complications I could carry.
Presently I went down to the living-room, where
they were all assembled, and my heart leaped as I
thought I detected a brightening in Frances face
as I entered.
Billings was waving the frump away with his fat
hand. "Take it away," he said. "I hate bugs."
"But, Jacky," said the frump pleadingly, "I think
it s a phusiotus gloriosa."
"I don t care if it s a giraffe," said Billings
rudely.
But the professor was already across the room to
the rescue.
"Ha! not a gloriosa," he said animatedly, as he
snooped over the little greenish thing in the frump s
342
THE CUB 343
hand. "Observe the shortened prothorax and me-
sothorax and "
"And metathorax ," chimed in the frump, her
head close to his. "Hence
"It is a phanaeus carnlfex," said the professor
positively.
By Jove, it looked to me like what we used to call
a dung beetle !
And then the two cranks went out in the sun with
butterfly nets, and Frances and I drifted out to our
pavilion overlooking the broad sweep of the Tappan
Zee. As yet, her father had said nothing to me,
but I knew that the blow might fall any moment.
Only the arrival of the frump s father had so far
saved me. And though I had gone right ahead
violating his jolly injunction about Frances, I kept
a sort of parole with him by avoiding any discus
sion of things that I knew would have interested
my darling the most that is, our love and our
future. Later we took a drive through Sleepy Hol
low and the Pocantico Hills. But though we grew
better and better acquainted every minute, I couldn t
help feeling devilish disappointed, for never once
did she ever call me "Dicky." I wondered moodily
whether her brother had! told her yet of his plans
for me.
In the evening, the younger brother showed up at
dinner, but sulked, which I thought under the cir
cumstances was about the most considerate thing he
could have done.
344 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
Once during the evening, Billings, who had been
talking with the professor, turned to me. "By the
way, Dicky those pajamas, you know what did
you do with them this morning?" He and the pro
fessor whispered again; then Billings turned back.
"Gray paper parcel um you know?"
Know ? Dash it, of course I knew, but I
"Why, / have them now," came quietly from my
companion, "thanks to Mr. Lightnut. He gave
them to me this morning."
"Gave them to you !" gasped Billings. He whis
pered to me: "But the rubies, you cuckoo you
didn t give her those?"
Rubies ? Dash it, I had to think hard to remem
ber what had become of the rubies. But I got the
idea.
""Why, the professor has those," I reminded him.
"The red pajamas, you know don t you remem
ber?" I drew him aside.
Billings stared. "But he says he returned them,"
he exclaimed, cutting an odd sidewise look at the
professor, who was talking to Frances and the
frump. Billings frowned.
"Haven t seen them," I said carelessly, for I
wanted to talk to her. "Oh, dash the rubies wait
till morning!"
Billings looked sourly at the professor and went
off and sat alone. He seemed put out about the old
boy not returning the garments. Never seemed to
occur to him that the professor was a devilish busy
THE CUB 345
and absent-minded old chap. Might not return them
for a month. / knew that.
"Oh, really, Frances?" the frump was saying,
"How exceedingly nice of you, dear!" The pro
fessor was occupied for the moment with a moth.
"I hope I won t frighten you in them as you say
your maid was frightened at you. If pajamas are
unbecoming to you, why just imagine me in them!"
By Jove, I was devilish glad I was not supposed
to hear, for I didn t want to be required to imagine
it. But as for them being unbecoming to my dar
ling well, I knew she knew what I thought!
Later, when the evening had shaded off and the
ladies had left us, we sat in the smoking-room talk
ing till late. I was astonished to find Foxy Grandpa
devilish entertaining and clever not a bad sort at
all. He seemed to have no recollection of me at all,
and therefore no grudges. I had made up my mind
by this time I wasn t going to marry the frump, no
matter what came or what Billings wanted, and I
would tell him so in the morning. But whoever did
marry her and it looked like it was going to be
the professor would have some sort of compensa
tion in Foxy Grandpa s entertaining stories of East
ern scandal.
Billings cub brother smoked in a corner of the
room by himself and drank innumerable slugs of
whisky straight. Once I saw his father go over to
him and seem to remonstrate, but without effect.
Billings wanted his father to try my special im-
346 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
port of cigarettes, so I sent for Jenkins, who had
arrived, to bring some down. And when he saw
Foxy Grandpa calmly sitting there by me, pulling at
a straw, he almost lost his balance. But I shook my
head with covert warning.
"Ever see me before eh?" asked the cub harshly,
as he waved aside the cigarettes Jenkins extended.
"Last Wednesday night remember?"
"Yes, sir," replied Jenkins, hesitatingly. Then he
rolled an eye at me and corrected himself hastily
but firmly:
"No, sir; I don t recall ever seeing you before,
sir."
Of course, I knew he had not, but the cub got up
with a sour laugh. Then with a murmured gruff
apology, he withdrew, saying he had a headache and
was going to bed. And, by Jove, what a look he gave
me from the door !
"Midnight!" ejaculated some one at length, just
as the professor finished a jolly rum but interesting
yarn of adventures in Tibet. We all rose and I was
answering a challenge of Billings for a Sunday
morning game of billiards, when all of a sudden a
scream rang out from somewhere above. Then
came a greater commotion two voices raised in
rapid and excited colloquy. On top of this another
scream, louder and more piercing a woman s call
for help.
"One of the maids," Billings hazarded. "A
mouse "
THE CUB 347
"That was Frances!" I answered him excitedly,
and we all piled out into the hall and peered down
its long vista.
Down one of the dimly illumined angles of the
great stairway a white figure darted, then paused,
abashed, crouching back against the wall at sight
of us advancing. Above her sounded a man s voice,
and even as she screamed again, he overtook her,
clasping her arm.
"Frances dear, dear Frances!" he cried. "Are
you afraid of me?"
And he threw his arms around her. "Come on
back, dearest!" he pleaded. "You have been dream-
ing."
And under the light of a great red cluster of
grapes, pendent from the mouth of a grinning
Bacchus, I recognized with horror the yellow mat of
hair and freckled face of Billings cub brother. On
the instant, with a bull-like roar, Billings sprang
forward, but I was quicker still. But fleeter than
either of us to reach the scene were the two elderly
men, together with Miss Warfield, the housekeeper,
and a couple of the maids. Frances darted like a
bird to Foxy Grandpa, and then the figures of the
women shut her from view.
Billings and I had paused, half-way to the land
ing. It looked as though the elder Billings was am
ply capable of handling the occasion now. He had
backed the youth against the wall behind, and his
language was of a kind I hated to have my darling
348 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
hear. Every time the other offered to expostulate,
his father broke out again.
"You are a disgrace to an honored name!" he
roared. "And the only explanation left for me to
offer our guests is that you are drunk and don t
know where you are !"
"Oh, father!" faltered the boy. And then he
turned his black shrouded figure to the pale marble
against which he leaned, and it seemed to me his
very heart would sob away.
"What s the matter, dad?" came a voice from
the head of the stairway. "What in thunder is all
the row about?"
"By George!" gasped Billings. Everybody looked
upward one of the women screamed. For there,
slowly advancing down the angle leading to the
landing, his yellow mop of hair shining above the
dark collar of a dressing-robe, was the duplicate of
the youth cowering under the elder Billings wrath.
And out of a dead, tense silence, came his voice
again :
"Can t any of you speak?" He touched the figure
on the shoulder. "Who are you?" he asked in an
odd, strained voice.
The black figure turned toward him a face agon
ized in grief.
"I I don t know," came a voice pitifully his
voice, it seemed.
The cub just stood like a statue for a moment
stood as we all stood. Then slowly his hand went
THE CUB 349
out and touched the hand of his double. Slowly his
fingers swept the face, the hair; gradually his eyes
closed, as though he were sensing by touch alone.
Suddenly a loud cry leaped from his throat.
"Sister!" he shouted. And he swept the black
figure to him.
Then, tossing back his head, the youth faced us
with blazing, angry eyes, looking as David must
have, when he faced old what s-his-name.
"If there s a man among you, I d like to know
what this means ?" he cried.
There was a blank silence for an instant, and
then
"Perhaps I can explain," said a voice.
And up the stairway advanced Professor Doozen-
berry.
CHAPTER XXXV
IN THE GLOW OF THE RUBIES
EVENING had come again.
In fact, it was almost bedtime. Frances and
I sat before the hearth in the library, looking silently
into the red heart of the dying embers of fragrant
pine cones. For in the heights of the Pocantico Hills
it often is chilly on summer nights.
My darling sat on a low fauteuil, her chin resting
upon her hand, her beautiful eyes fixed dreamily,
inscrutably, upon the fading coals. In her lap lay
the spread of the crimson pajamas.
She was thinking thinking I wondered what!
And I was thinking how jolly rum it all was ; that
Francis wasn t Frances, that the professor wasn t
Billings, Colonel Francis Kirkland wasn t Foxy
Grandpa and wasn t the frump s father after all ;
and that the frump, herself bless her, her name
was Elizabeth wasn t Frances, and wasn t a frump
at all, but just a jolly, nice, homely old dear, you
know. And I was trying to catch and hold some of
the deuced queer things the professor had discoursed
upon about ancient Oriental what s-its-name, and
astral bodies, obsession, psychical research and all
350
IN THE GLOW OF THE RUBIES 351
that sort of thing. Somehow, dash it, it had all
seemed devilish unreasonable and improbable to me
couldn t get hold of it, you know; but as every
body else had said "Ah-h-h !" and had wagged their
heads as though they understood, I just said : "Dash
it, of course, you know!" and recrossed my legs and
took a fresher grip on my monocle.
The most devilish hard thing to get hold of had
been that Frances had never sat on the arm of my
Morris chair, had never told me she liked me better
than any man she had ever met, and had never called
me "Dicky" at any time or anywhere. I wondered if
she ever would, and how the deuce fellows went
about it when they proposed to the girl they madly
loved. I was devilish put out, you know, that I had
never tried it so I could know.
From across the hall droned the voices from the
smoking-room Colonel Kirkland and the judge de
bating something about treaty ports and the Man-
churian railway. Through the French windows
from the open loggia came the eager, pitched tones
of the professor and the frump no, Elizabeth, I
mean discussing Aldeberan and Betelguese, dead
suns, star clusters and the nebular hypothesis.
Within the room Billings had snapped out the
lights, to bring out the blazing fire of his treasured
ruby, and from the tray in the dark corner where he
was closing it in his collection vault, it gleamed like
the end of a bright cigar. The other four were ab
sently clutched in my darling s hand and the crim-
352 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
son shine gleamed bravely through her ringer bars.
"Carbuncles ancient carbuncles," the professor had
called them, "that the Chinese believed their dragons
carried in their mouths, in their black caves in days
of old, to furnish light whereby they could see to
devour their victims." And that I believed, for I
could see some practical sense about it !
"What / should like to know," said the dear,
precious cub, hugging his knee by the mantel, "is
where 7 come in !"
"You don t come in," said Billings, lifting him
playfully by the ear; "you come out!" And out they
went.
And my dear girl and I were like what s-his-
name s picture alone at last, you know. She stirred
softly and her sigh came like the wind through the
trees at night.
"I suppose we will have to burn them," she said
dolefully; "the professor says it is the only thing
to do."
"Jolly shame, I say!" I murmured indignantly.
"It seems a crime," she said softly, and there was
a little choke in her voice. She slipped to the soft-
fibered rug before the fire. I gently brought my
chair closer to her.
For a moment she pressed her cheek against the
crimson mass, then kneeling forward, laid it gently
on the glowing coals. There was a flash, a lightning
blaze of red that almost blinded us, and then for a
brief space a field of shining ash. Against this the
IN THE GLOW OF THE RUBIES 353
tiny serpent frogs writhed and twisted and turned
at last to leaden gray. Over the spread of all, swept
wave after wave of golden, crimsoned pictures
temples and pagodas dragons that licked fiery
tongues at us strange faces that came and went,
leering hideously into our own.
And then of a sudden it was all faded gone!
The breeze from the open window stirred the ashes
to the side. She dropped back with a deep sigh.
"They re gone," she breathed mournfully.
"Never mind," I said; "you ve these left." And
daringly I laid my hand upon the one that clasped
the rubies. And I thrilled as it lay still beneath my
own.
"Good-by, you dear old, wicked, enchanted paja
mas," she said. "I don t care I just love you, be
cause " She paused.
"Because they brought us together?" By Jove,
I didn t know I had said it, till it came out !
An instant, and then I caught it just a little
whisper, you know :
"Yes Dicky!"
By Jove ! And then, dash it, my monocle dropped !
But I let it go.
Presently she looked at the glowing rubies in her
hand.
"They are from India, you know, Dicky from
Mandalay, the professor said." And she murmured:
On the road to Mandalay, where the old flotilla
lay don t you remember? I ve been there, Dicky."
354 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
"By Jove!" I said. "Have you, though? Is it
jolly?"
"The poet seemed to think so She laughed.
"Do you know Kipling, Dicky?" I tried to think,
but dashed if I could remember.
I wondered if it would be a good place to take a
trip to !
I hitched closer. "What does er this poet chap
say about it ? What s it like, you know ?"
She laughed. "I m afraid it s wicked, Dicky, a
good deal like the haunted pajamas." She leaned
forward, chin upon her hand again, looking into the
fading coals. "I ll tell you what he says."
Then her voice went on :
"Ship me somewhere east of Suez, where the best is
like the worst,
Where there aren t no Ten Commandments an a
man can raise a thirst."
"By Jove !" I said, interested.
"For the temple bells are callin , and it s there that I
would be
By the old Moulmein pagoda, lookin lazy at the
sea."
I brought my hand down on my knee.
"Oh, I say, you know er Frances," I exclaimed
with enthusiasm, "we ll go there for our honeymoon,
by Jove! Shall we eh?"
IN THE GLOW OF THE RUBIES 355
And then the jolly rubies rolled unheeded to the
floor. And nothing stirred but the ashes of the
haunted pajamas!
And then : Oh, but Frances says that s all!
THE END
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