High life below stairs; a farce, in two acts

To-wnley
High Life Below Stairs

THE LIBRARY

OF

THE UNIVERSITY
OF CALIFORNIA

LOS ANGELES

FREDERIC THOMAS BLANCHARD
ENDOWMENT FUND

HIGH LIFE
BELOW STAIRS.

A

FARCE

0 F

TWO ACTS.

As it is performed at the

THEATRE-ROYAL in Drury-Lane.

O tmitatores., Servum pecus ! HOR.

k * #•
V

LONDON:

Printed for J. NEWEERY, at the Bible and Sun in St. Parts
Church- Yard; R. BAILYE, at Litchfield ;< ; J. LEAKE
and W. FREDERICK, at Bath; B. COLLINS, at Sa-
lijbury, and S. STABLER at Fort.
M D c c L i x.

[Price One Shilling.]

Dramatis Perfonae.

LOVEL, ayoung Weft-Indian 0/7 ., ~

Fortune, ^ {Mr. OBRIEN.

FREEMAN, bis Friend,

Mr. PACKER.

PHILIP, -> (

-Mr. YATES.

TOM,

,

Mr. MOZEEN.

COACHMAN,

Mr. CLOUGH.

KINGSTON, a

Servants to J

Mr. MOODY.

Black,

LOVEL.

KITTY,

1

Mrs. CLIVE.

COOK,

1 Mrs. BRADSHAW.

CLQ-L,aBlack,J ^Mrs. SMITH.

DUKE'S Ser-~]

r

v&rif.

Mr. PALMER.

Sir HARRY'S

•

Servant,

Mr. KING.

Lady BAB'S > Vlfitors. 4

Maid, \

Mifs HIPPISLEY:

Lady CHAR-

LOTTE'S

Mrs. BEN NET.

Maid* J

ROBERT, Servant to Freeman,

Mr. ACKMAN.

FlDLER,

Mr. ATKINS.

SCENE,

London.

ADVERTISEMENT.

IT was a real Defire to do good, amongft a very
large and ufeful Body- of People, that gave
Rife to this little Piece. The Author thought the
Stage, where the Bad might be difgrac'd, and the
Good rewarded, the moil ready and effectual Me-
thod for this Purpofe : And, as he never wrote
before in the Dramatic Way, and was unwilling to
be known, he was happy in recommending the Per-
formance, by the Afllltance of a Friend, to the Care
and Judgment of Mr. GAR RICK.
Nov. 5, 1759.

HIGH LIFE
BELOW STAIRS.

A C T I.

SCENE, An Apartment in Freeman'; Houfe.
FREEMAN and LOVEL, entering.

FREEMAN.

Country Boy ! ha, ha, ha. How long
A has this Scheme been in your Head ?

LOVEL.

Some Time — I am now convinc'd of
what you have often been hinting to me, that I
am confoundedly cheated by my Servants.

FREEMAN.

Oh ! are you fatisfied at laft, Mr. Love! ? I al-
ways told you, that there is not a worfe Set of Ser-
vants in the Parifh of St. James^^ than in your
Kitchen.

LOVEL.

'Tis with fome Difficulty I believe it now, Mr.

Freeman-, tho', I muft own, my Expences often

A 2 make

892070

4 H I G H L I F E

make me flare — Philip, I arn fure, Is an honeft
Fellow •, and I will fwear for my Blacks — If there
is a Rogue among my polks, it is that furly Dog

FREEMAN.

You are miftaken in every one. Philip is an hy-
pocritical Rafcal : Tom has a good deal of furly Ho-
nefty about him : and for your Blacks, they are as
bad as your Whites.

L O V E L.

Prithee, Freeman, how came -you to be fo well
acquainted with my People ? None of theWenches
are handfome enough to move the Affections of a
middle-aged Gentleman as you are. Ha, ha, ha.

FREEMAN.

You are a young Man, Mr. Lovel, and take a
Pride in a Number of idle, unnecefiary Servants,
who are the Plague and Reproach of this King-
dom.

L O V E L.

Charles, You are an old-famion'd Fellow. Ser-
vants a Plague and Reproach ! ha, ha, ha. I
would have forty more, if my Houfe would hold
them. Why, Man, in Jamaica, before I was ten
Years old, I had an hundred Blacks kiffing my Feet
every Day.

FREEMAN.

You Gentry of the Weftern Ifles are high mettled
ones, and love Pomp and Parade — I have feen it
delight your Soul, when the People in the Street
have flared at your Equipage-, efpecially if they
whifpered loud enough to be heard, " That is
" 'Squire Level, the great Wef Indian r Ha, ha, ha.

L O V E L.

I fhould be very forry if we were as fplenetic as
you Northern Iflanders, who are devoured with Me-
lancholy and Fog. Ha, ha, ha. No, Sir, we are

Children

BEL O W STAIRS. 5

Children of the Sun, and are born to diffufe the
bounteous Favours which our noble Parent is pleafed
to bellow on us.

FREEMAN.

I wifli you had more of your noble Parent's Re-
gularity, and lefs of his Fire. As it is, you con-
fume fo faft, that not one in twenty of you live to
be fifty Years old.

L O V E L.

But in that fifty we live two hundred, my Dear ;
mark that. — But to Bufmefs — I arn reiblv'd upon
my Frolick. — I will know whether my Servants are
Kogues or not. If they are, I'll baftinado theRafcals -,
if not, I think I ought to pay for my Impertinence.
-^-Pray tell me ; is not your Robert acquainted with
my People ? Perhaps he may give a little Light
into the thing.

FREEMAN.

To tell you the Truth, Mr. Lovel, your Servants
are fo abandoned, that I have forbid him your
Houfe — However, if you have a Mind to afk him
#ny Queftion, he mall be forth coming,

L O V E L.
Let us have him.

FREEMAN.

You mall; but it is an hundred to one if you get
any thing out of him ; for, though he is a very
honeft Fellow, yet he is fo much of a Servant, that
he'll never tell any thing to the Difadvantage of

another Who waits? [Enter Servant.} Send

Robert to me [Exit Seriant.~\ And what was

it determined you upon this Project at lad ?

L O V E L.

This Letter. It is an anonymous one, and fo
ought not to be regarded ; but it has fomething
honeil in it, and put me upon fatisfying my Cu-
riofity. — Read it. [Gives the Letter.

FREEMAN.

6 H I G H L I F E

FREEMAN.
, I fliould know fomething of this Hand — [Reads.

'To Peregrine Lovel, Eft.
" Pleafe your Honour,

<c I take the Liberty to acquaint your Honour,
" that you are fadly cheated by your Servants. —
*' Your Honour will find it as I fay. — 1 am not
" willing to be known, whereof if I am, it may
" bring one into Trouble.

" So no more, from your Honour's

" Servant to command.3*
— Odd and honeft ! Well — and now what are the

Steps you intend to take ? [Returns the Letter.

LOVEL.

I fhall immediately apply to my Friend the Ma-
nager for a Difguife — Under the Form of a gawky
Country Boy, I will be an Eye - witnefs of my
Servants Behaviour — you muft affift me, Mr.
Freeman,

FREEMAN.
As how, Mr. Lovel.

LOVEL.

My Plan is this — I gave it out, that I was go-
ing to my Burrough in Devon/hire^ and yefterday fet
out with a Servant in great Form, and lay at Ba-

Jingftcke.

FREEMAN.

Well?

LOVEL.

I order'd the Fellow to make the beft of his Way
down into the Country, and told him that I would
follow him -, inftead of that, I turn'd back, and

am jult come to Town : Ecce Signum ! [Points

to his Boots.
FREEMAN.
It is now one o'Clock.

LOVEL.

This very Afternoon I mall pay my People a
vifit.

FREEMAN.

BELOW STAIRS. 7

FREEMAN.
How will you get in ?

L O V E L.

When I am properly habited, you mall get me
introduced to Philip as one of your Tenant's Sons,
who wants to be made a good Servant of.

FREEMAN.
They will certainly difcover you.

L O V E L.

Never fear, I'll be fo countrify'd that yon mall
not know me. — As they are thoroughly perfuaded
I arrrmany miles off, they'll be more eafily im-
pofed on. Ten to one but they begin to celebrate
my Departure with a drinking Bout, if they are

what you defcribe them.

FREEMAN.
Shall you be able to play your Part ?

L O V E L.

I am furprized, Mr. Freeman^ that you, who have
known me from my Infancy, mould not remem-
ber my Abilities in that Way. But you old Fel-
lows have fhort Memories.

FREEMAN.
What mould I remember ?

L O V E L.

How I played "Daniel in the Confcious Lovers at
School, and afterwards arrived at the diftinguimed

Character of the mighty Mr. Scrub.

[Mimicking.
L O V E L.

Ha, ha, ha! That is very well. — Enough. —
Here is Robert.

Enter ROBERT.
Your Honour order'd me to wait on you.

FREEMAN.

I did, Robert Robert ?

ROBERT.

8 HIGHLIFE

ROBERT.

FREEMAN.
Come here — You know, Robert, I have a good

Opinion of your Integrity.

ROBERT.

I have always endeavour'd that your Honour
mould.

FREEMAN.

Pray have not you fome Acquaintance among
Mr. Lovel's People ?

ROBERT.
A little', pleafe your Honour.

FREEMAN.

How do thjey behave ? — We have nobody but
Friends — you may fpeak out.
I, O V E L.
Aye, Robert, fpeak out.

ROBERT.

I hope your Honours will not infift on my faying
any Thing in an Affair of this Kind.

L O V E L.
Oh, but we do infift —If you know any Thing. —

ROBERT.

Sir, I am but a Servant myfelf, and it would not
become me to fpeak ill of a Brother Servant.

FREEMAN.
Pfha! This is falfe Honefty — fpeak out.

ROBERT.

Don't oblige me, good Sir. — Confider, Sir, a
Servant's Bread depends upon his Carackter.
L O V E L.

But if a Servant ufes me ill

ROBERT.

Alas ! Sir, what is one Man's Poifon is another
Man's Meat.

FREEMAN.

BELOW STAIRS. 9

FREEMAN.
You fee how they trim for one another.

ROBERT.

Service, Sir, is no Inheritance. — A Servant that
is not approved in one Place, may give Satisfac-
tion in another. Every Body muft live, your

Honour.

L O V E L.

Roberti I like your Heartinefs, as well as your
Caution ; but in my Cafe, it is necefTary that I
fhould know the Truth.

ROBERT.
The Truths Sir, is not to be fpoken at all Times,

it may bring one into Trouble, whereof if .

FREEMAN. (Mufmg.)

" Whereof if " — Pray, Mr. Level, let me fee
that Letter again [Lovtl gives the Letter. ~\ — Aye —
it muft be fo — Robert !

ROBERT.
Sir?

FREEMAN.
Do you know any Thing of this Letter ?

ROBERT.
Letter, your Honour ?

FREEMAN.!
Yes, Letter.

ROBERT.

I have feen the Hand before.
L O V E L.
He blufhes.

FREEMAN.

I afk you, if you were concerned in writing this
Letter. — You never told me a Lie yet, and I ex-
pect the Truth from you now.

ROBERT.
Pray your Honour, don't afk me.

FREEMAN.
Did you write it ? — anfwer me.

B ROBERT,

io H I G H L I F E

ROBERT.
I cannot deny it. [Bowing.

L O V E L.
What induced you to it ?

ROBERT.

I will tell Truth. — I have feen fuch Wafte and
Extravagance, and Riot, and Drunkennefs in your
Kitchen, Sir, that, as my Matter's Friend, I could
not help difcovering it to you.
L O V E L.
Go on.

ROBERT.

I am forry to fay it to your Honour •, but your
Honour is not only impofed on, but laughed at by
all your Servants •, especially by Philip, who is a

very bad Man.

L O V E L.
Philip? An ungrateful Dog! —Well?

ROBERT.

I could not prefume to fpeak to your Honour,
and therefore I refolved, though but a poor Scribe,
to write your Honour a Letter.
L O V E L.

Robert, I am greatly indebted to you. — Here —

[ Offers Money.
ROBERT.

On any other Account than this I fhould be
proud to receive your Honour's Bounty, but now
I beg to be cxculed — [Refufes the Money,

L O V E L.

Thou haft a noble Heart, Robert, and I'll not
forget you. — Freeman, he mull be in the Secret. —

Wait your Matter's Orders.

ROBERT.
I will, your Honour. [Exif,

FREEMAN.
Well, Sir, are you convinced now ?

LOVEL.

BELOW STAIRS. n

L O V E L.

Convinced ? yes -, and I'll be among the Scoun-
drels before Night. — You or Robert muft contrive
fome Way or other to get me introdu . 'd to Philip,
as one of your Cottager's Boys out of Eflex.

FREEMAN.
Ha, ha, ha ! you'll make a fine Figure.

L O V E L

They mall make a fine Figure. — It muft be
done this Afternoon •, walk with me acrofs the Park,
and I'll tell you the whole. — My Name {hall be
Jemmy, i — And I am come to be a Gentleman's
Servant — and will do my bed, and hope to get a
good Carackter. [Mimicking.

FREEMAN.
But what will you do if you find them Rafcals ?

L O V E L.

Difcover myfelf, and blow them all to the De-
vil. — Come along.

FREEMAN.

Ha, ha, ha ! — Bravo — Jemmy — Bravo, ha,
ha ! [Exeunt.

SCENE, tte Park.

DUKE's Servant.

What Wretches are ordinary Servants that go
on in the fame vulgar Track ev'ry Day! Eating,
working, and fleeping! — But we, who have the
Honour to ferve the Nobility, are of another Spe-
cies. We are above the common Forms, have
Servants to wait upon us, and are as lazy and luxu-
rious as our Matters. — Ha! My dear Sir

Harry ! •

(Enter Sir HARRY'J Servant.)
— How have you done thefe thoufand Years ?

B 2 Sir

12 H I G H L I F E

Sir HARRY.

My Lord Duke ! — your Grace's mod obedknt
Servant.

DUKE.
Well, Baronet, and where have you been ? ;

Sir HARRY.

At Newmarket, my Lord — We have had dev'lifh
fine Sport.

DUKE.

And a good Appearance I hear. — Pox take it,
I mould have been there, but our old Duchefs
died, and we were obliged to keep Houfe, for the
Decency of the Thing.

Sir HARRY.
I pick'd up fifteen Pieces.
DUKE.
Pfha ! a Trifle !

Sir HARRY.
The Vifcount's People have been bloodily taken

in this Meeting.

DUKE.

Credit me, Baronet, they know nothing of the
Turf.

Sir HARRY.

I afTure yon, my Lord, they loft every Match ;
for Crab was beat hollow, Carekfs threw his Rider,
and Mifs Slammerkin had the Diftemper.

DUKE.

Ha, ha, ha ! I'm glad on't. — Tafte this Snuff,
Sir Harry. [Offers his Box.

Sir HARRY.
'Tis good Rappee.

DUKE.

Right Strafl'urg, I allure you, and of my own
importing.

Sir HARRY,
Aye?

DUKE.

BE. LOW STAIRS. 13

DUKE.

The City People adulterate it fo confoundedly,
that I always import my own Snuff. — I wifh my
Lord would do the fame -, but he is fo indolent. —
When did you fee the Girls ? I faw Lady Bab this
Morning ; but, 'fore Gad, whether it be Love or
Reading, me looked as pale as a Penitent.
Sir H A R R Y.

I havejuft had this Card from LoveFs, People —
(Reads.) " Philip and Mrs. Kitty prefent their
" Compliments to Sir Barry ^ and defire the Ho-
" nour of his Company this Evening, to be 'of a
" fmart Party, and to eat a Bit of Supper."
DUKE.

I have the fame Invitation — Their Matter, it
feems, is gone to his Borough.

Sir HARRY.
You'll be with us, my Lord ? — Philip's a

Blood.

DUKE.

A Buck of the fir ft Head ; I'll tell you a fecret,
he's going to be married.

Sii H A -R R Y.
To whom ?

DUKE.
To Kitty.

Sir H A R R Y.
No!

DUKE.
Yes he is ; and I intend to cuckold him.

Sir HARRY.

Then we may depend upon your Grace for cer-
tain. Ha, ha, ha!

DUKE.

If our Houfe breaks up in a tolerable Time, I'll
be with you. — Have You any Thing for us ?

3 Sir

I4 HIGH LIFE

Sir HARRY.

Yes, a little Bit of Poetry — I muft be at the
Cocoa-tree myfelf till Eight.

DUKE.

Heigho ! — I am quite out of Spirits — I had a
damn'd Debauch laft Night, Baronet. — Lord
Francis^ Bob the Bifhop, and I tipt off four Bottles
of Burgundy a-piece — Ha ! there are two fine Girls
coming, Faith — Lady Bab — aye, and Lady Char-

fate. — ['Takes out bis Glafs.

. Sir H A R R Y.
We'll not join them.

DUKE.

Oh, yes — Bab is a fine Wench, notwithfland-
ing her Complexion ; though I Ihould be glad me
would keep her Teeth cleaner — Your Engli/b Wo-
men are damn'd negligent about their Teeth.

How is your Charlotte in that Particular ?

Sir HARRY.
My Charlotte ?

DUKE.
Aye, the World fays, you are to have her.

Sir HARRY.
I own I did keep her Company ; but we are off,

my Lord.

DUKE.

How fo ?

Sir HARRY.
Between you and me, fhe has a plaguy thick

Pair of Legs. •

DUKE.
Oh, damn it — that's infufferable.

Sir HARRY.

Befides, fhe is a Fool, and mifs'd her Opportu-
nity with the old Countefs.

DUKE.

I am afraid, Baronet, you love Money. — Rot
it, I never fave a Shilling— Indeed I am fure of a

Place

BELOW STAIRS 15

Place in the Excife — Lady Charlotte is to be of the
Party to Night ; how do you manage that ?

Sir HARRY.

Why, we do meet at a third Place, are very
civil, and look queer, and laugh, and abufe one
another, and all that.

DUKE.

Alamode, ha ? — Here they are.
Sir HARRY.
Let us retire. [They retire:

Enter Lady BAB'-J Maid and Lady
CHARLOTTE'S Maid.

Lady BAB.

Oh ! fie ! Lady Charlotte, you are quite indeli-
cate ! I'm forry for your tafte.

Lady CHARLOTTE.
Well, I fay it again, I love Vaux Hall.

Lady BAB.

O my Stars ! Why, there is no body there but
filthy Citizens.

Lady CHARLOTTE.
We were in Hopes the raifing the Price would
have kept them out, ha, ha, ha.
Lady BAB.
Ha, ha, ha, — Runelow for my Money.

Lady CHARLOTTE.
Now you talk of Runelow, when did you fee the
Colonel, Lady Bab.

Lady BAB. »

The Colonel ? I hate the Fellow.— He had the
AfTurance to talk of a Creature in Glocefterjhire be-
fore my Face.

Lady CHARLOTTE.
He is a pretty Man for all that — Soldiers you
know, have their Miilrefies every where.

Lady

16 H I G H L I F E

Lady B A B.
I defpife him — How goes on your Affair with the

Baronet ?

Lady CHARLOTTE.
The Baronet is a ftupid Wretch, and I fjiall have
nothing to fay to him — You are to be at Level's to-
night, Lady Bab ?

Lady BAB.

Unlefs I alter rriy Mind — I don't admire vifiting
theie Commoners, Lady Charlotte.

Lady CHARLOTTE.
Oh, but Mrs. Kitty has Tafte.
Lady B A B.
She affects it.

Lady CHARLOTTE.
The Duke is fond of her, and he has Judgment.

Lady BAB.

TheDuke might mew his Judgment much better.
[Holding up her Head.
Lady CHARLOTTE.
There he is and the Baronet too — Take no notice
of them — We'll rally them by-and-by.

Lady BAB.

Dull Souls ! Let us fet up a loud Laugh and
leave 'em.

Lady CHARLOTTE.
Ay ; — Let us be gone -, for the common People
do fo ftare at us — We mall certainly be mobb'd.

BOTH.
Ha, ha, ha. — Ha, ha, ha. [Exeunt.

DUKE and Sir HARRY come forward.

DUKE.

They certainly faw us, and are gone off laughing
at us — I muft follow —

Sir HARRY.
No, no.

DUKE,

BELOW STAIRS. i7

DUKE.

I muft,— I muft have a Party of Raillery with
them, a bon moc or fo. — Sir Harry * you'll excufe
me, — Adieu, I'll be with you in the Evening, if
polfible -, though, hark ye, there is a Bill depending
in our Hcufe, which the Miniftry make a Point of
our attending; and fo you know, Mum ! we mud
mind the Stops of the Great Fiddle.— Adieu. [Ex.
Sir HARRY.

What a Coxcomb this is ! and the Fellow can't
read. It was but the other Day that he was Cow-
boy in the Country, then was bound 'Prentice to a
Perriwig-maker, got into my Lord Duke's Family,
and now fets up for a fine Gentleman. 0 Tempera
P Mores !

Re-enter DUKE'S Servant.

DUKE.

Sir Harry, prithee what are we to do at Level's
when we come there ?

Sir HARRY.
We mall have the Fiddles, I fuppofe.

DUKE.

The Fiddles ! I have done with Dancing ever
fince the lad fit of the Gout. I'll tell you what,
my dear Boy, I pofitively cannot be with them,

unlefs we have a little- [Makes a Motion as if

with the Dice-box,
Sir HARRY.
Fie, my Lord Duke.

D y K E.

Look ye, Baronet, I infiftonit. — Who the Devil
of any Fafhion, can poffibly fpend an Evening
without it ? — But I mall lofe the Girls, — How grave
you look, ha, ha, ha.— Well, let there be Fiddles.

Sir HARRY.

But, my dear Lord, I mail be quite miferable
without you. — — -

C DUKE"

i8 H I G H L I F E

DUKE-

Well, I won't be particular, I'Jl do as the reft do.
— Tol, lol, lol. [Exit, fivging and dancing.

Sir HARRY, folus.

He had the AlTurance, laft Winter, to court -4
Tradefman's Daughter in theCity, with Two Thou-

fand Pounds to her Fortune, and got me to

write his Love-letters. He pretended to be an En-
fign in a marching Regiment ; fo wheedled the
old Folks into Confent, and would have carried
the Girl off, but was unluckily prevented by the
Wamerwoman, who happened to be his firftCoufin.

(Enter PHILIP.)

. Mr. Philip, your Servant.
PHILIP.

You are welcome to England, Sir Harry ; I hope
you received the Card, and will do us the Honour.
of your Company My Mafter is gone into De-
von/hire We'll have a roaring Night.

Sir HARRY.
I'll certainly wait on you.

PHILIP.
The Girls will be with us.

Sir HARRY.
Is this a Wedding Supper, Pbilip ?

PHILIP.
What do you mean, Sir Harry ?

Sir H A R R Y.
The Duke tells me fo.

PHILIP.
The Duke is a Fool.

Sir HARRY.
Take Care what you fay; his Grace is a Bruifer.

PHILIP.

I am a Pupil of the fame Academy, and not
afraid of him, I allure you: — Sir Harry , we'll have
a noble Batch — I have fuch Wine for you !

Sir

BELOW STAIRS. 19

Sir HARRY.
I am your Man, Phil.

PHILIP.

Egad the Cellar fhall bleed : I have fome Bur-
gundy that is fit for an Emperor My Mafter

would have given his Ears for fome of it t'other
Day, to treat my Lord What-d'ye-call-him with ;
but I told him it was all gone-, ha? Charity be-
gins at home, ha ? Odfo, here is Mr. Free-

tnan, my Mailer's intimate Friend ; he is a dry one.
— Don't let us be feen together — He'll fufpecl:
fomething.

Sir HARRY.
I am gone.

PHILIP.

Away, away Remember, Burgundy is the

Word,

Sir HARRY.

Right — Long Corks ! ha, Phil? \Mimicfa tke
drawing of a Cork.] — Your's. [Exit.

PHILIP.

Now for a Caft of my Office A Starch Phiz,

a canting Phrafe, and as many Lies as neceflary —
Hem!

Enter FREEMAN.

FREEMAN.

Oh ! Philip — How do you do, Philip ? • — You
have loft your Mafter, I find.
PHILIP.

It is a Lofs indeed, Sir — So good a Gentleman !
— He muft be nearly got into Devon/hire by this

Time Sir, your Servant. [Going.

FREEMAN.
Why in fuch a Hurry, Pb'.lip ?

PHILIP.

I mall leave the Houfe as little as poffible, now
his Honour is away.

C 2 FREEMAN.

20 H I G H L I F E.

FREEMAN.

You arc in the right, Philip.
PHILIP.

Servants at fuch Times are too apt to be neg-
Jigent and extravagant, Sir.

FREEMAN.

True ; the Matter's Abfence is the Time to try
a good Servant in.

PHILIP.
It is fo, Sir : Sir, your Servant. [Going.

FREEMAN.

Oh ! Mr. Philip — pray flay — you mult do me
a Piece of Service.

PHILIP.

You command me, Sir [Bows.

FREEMAN.

I look upon you, Philip^ as one of the beft be-
haved, moft fenfible, completed [Philip bows'}
Rafcals in the World. \Aftde.

PHILIP.
Your Honour is pleafed to compliment.

FREEMAN.

There is a Tenant of mine in Effex, a very ho-
neft Man Poor Fellow, he has a great Num-
ber of Children ; and they have fent me one of
'em •, a tall, gawkie Boy, to make a Servant of;
but my Folks fay they can do nothing with him.

PHILIP.
Let me have him, Sir.

FREEMAN.
In Truth, he is an unlick'd Cub.

PHILIP.
I will lick him into ibmething, I warrant you,

Sir. Now my Mafter is abfent, I (hall have a

good deal of Time upon my Hands ; and I hate
to be idle, Sir : in two Months I'll engage to finifh
him.

FREEMAN.

BELOW STAIRS. 21

FREEMAN.
I don't doubt it. [djide.

PHILIP.

Sir, I have Twenty Pupils in the Parifli of St.
James's ; and for a Table, or a Side-board, or be-
hind an Equipage, or in the Delivery of a MeiTage,

or any thing

FREEMAN.
What have you for Entrance ?

PHILIP.

I always leave it to Gentlemen's Generofity.
FREEMAN.

Here is a Guinea 1 beg he may be taken

Care of.

PHILIP.

That he fhall, I promife you [Afide^\ Your Ho-
nour knows me.

FREEMAN.
Thoroughly. [Afide.

PHILIP.
When can I fee him, Sir ?

FREEMAN.

Now directly — call at my Houfe, and take him
in your Hand.

PHILIP.

Sir, I will be with you in a Minute I will

but ftep into the Market, to let the Tradefmen know
they muft not truft any of our Servants, now they
are at Board-wages Humh !

FREEMAN.

How happy is Mr. Lovel in fo excellent a Ser-
vant. [Exit.

PHILIP.

Ha, ha, ha! This is one of my Matter's pru-
dent Friends, who dines with him three times a
Week, and thinks he is mighty generous in giving

me five Guineas at Cbriftmas Damn all.fuch

fneaking Scoundrels, I fay. [Exit.

SCENE

22 HIGH LIFE

SCENE, Me Servant's Hall in LovEL'V

Houfe.
KINGSTON and COACHMAN, drunk andjleepy.

[Knocking at the Door.
KINGSTON.

Some body knocks Coaehy, go — — go to

the Door, Coaehy.

COACHMAN.

I'll not go do you go you black Dog.

KINGSTON.

Devil mall fetch me, if I go. [Knocking.

COACHMAN.

, Why then let 'em ftay I'll not go — Damme

Aye, knock the Door down, and let yourfelf
in. [Knocking.

KINGSTON.

Ay, ay, ..knock again knock again

COACHMAN.

Matter is gone into Devon/hire So he can't

be there So I'll go to deep.

KINGSTON.

So will I I'll go to fleep too.

COACHMAN.

You lie, Devil You mail not go to fleep

till I am afleep 1 am King of the Kitchen.

KINGSTON.

No, you are not King •, but when you are drunk
you are fulky as a Hell. — Here is Cooky coming
— She is King and Queen too.

Enter COOK.

COOK.
Some body has knock'd at the Door twenty

times, and nobody hears Why Coachman

Kingftcn Ye drunken Bears, why don't one of

you go to the Door.

COACHMAN.

B E L O W S T A I R S. ?j

COACHMAN.
You go Cook ; you go -

COOK.
Hang me, if I go -

KINGSTON.
Yes, yes, Cooky go •, Molljy, Polljy go.- - .

COOK.

Out you Black Toad - It is none of my Bu-r
fmefs, and go I will not. [Sits down.

Enter PHILIP with LOVEL difguifed.

PHILIP.

I might have flaid at the Door all Night, as the
little Man in the Play fays, if I had not had the Key
of the Door in my Pocket - What is come to you
all ?

COOK.

There is John Coachman, and Kingflon^ as drunk
as two Bears.

PHILIP.

Ah, hah ! my Lads, what finiuYd already ?
Thefe are the very befl of Servants - -Poor Fel-
lows, I fuppofe they have been drinking their
Mailer's good Journey - ha, ha, ha.

LOVEL.
No doubt on't. \Aftto.

PHILIP.

Yo ho, get to bed, you Dogs, and fleep your-
felves fober, that you may be able to get drunk.
again by-and-by — They are as fail as a Church —

LOVEL.
Anon ?

PHILIP.
Do you love drinking ?

LOVEL.
Yes, — I loves Ale.

PHILIP.

H HIGHLIFE.

PHILIP.
— You Dog, you mall fwim in Burgundy.

L O V E L.
Burgrumdy ? what's that ?

PHILIP.

Cook, wake thofe honed Gentlemen, and fend
them to bed.

COOK.

It is impoffible to wake them.
L O V E L.
I think I could wake 'em, Sir, if I might — Heh — >

PHILIP.
Do Jemmy, wake 'em Jemmy — ha, ha, ha.

L O V E L.

Hip, — Mr. Coachman. [Gives him a great Slap

on the Face.
COACHMAN.
Oh! oh! What? Zounds! Oh!— Damn you!—

L O V E L.

What Blackey, Blackey. [Pulls him by tbe Nofe.
KINGSTON.

Oh! oh! What now! Curfeyou! Oh!

Cot tam you.

L O V E L.
Ha, ha, ha.
<£'... PHILIP.

Ha, ha, ha, — Well done Jemmy. Cook, fee

thofe gentry to bed.

COOK.

Marry come up, I fay fo too ; not I indeed. -»

COACHMAN.

She fhan't fee us to bed — We'll fee ourfelves to
bed.

KINGSTON,

We got drunk together, and we'll go to bed
together. [Exeunt, reeling.

PHILIP.

BELOW S T A I It S. 25

PHILIP.
You fee how we live, Boy.

L O V E L.

Yes, I fees how you live.

PHILIP.
' Let the Supper be elegant, Cook.

COOK.
Who pays for it ?

PHILIP.

My Mafter to be lure : Who elfe ? ha, ha, ha.
He is rich enough, I hope, ha, ha, ha.

L O V E L.

Humh. [Afide.

PHILIP.

Each of us muft take a Part, and fink it in our
next weekly Bills ; that is the Way.

L O V E L.

Soh ! [Jfide.

COOK.

Prithee Philip, what Boy is this ?

PHILIP.

A Boy of Freeman's recommending.
L O V E L.

Yes, I'm 'Squire Freeman's Boy, Heh

COOK.

Freeman is a flingy Hound ; and you may tell him
I fay fo. He dines here three Times a Week, and
I never faw the Colour of his Money yet.

L O V E L.

Ha, ha, ha, That is Good Freeman lhall

have it. [Afide.

COOK.

I muft flep to the Tallow-Chandler's, to difpofe
of fome of my Perquifites ; and then I'll fet about
Supper.

D PHILIP

26 H I G H L I F E

PHILIP.

Well faid, Cook, that is right, the Perquifite li
the Thing, Cook.

COOK.
Clot) doe, where are you, Cloe. [balls.

Enter CLOE.
CLOE.

Yes, Miftrefs.

COOK.
Take that Box, and follow me. [Exit.

CLOE.
Yes, Miftrefs •, [fakes the Box."}— Who is this ?

[feeing Lovel.] Hee, hee, hee, O chi ! . This

is" pretty Boy Hee, hee, hee. Oh This

is pretty Red Hair, hee, hee, hee You mall be

in love with me by-and-by Hee, hee. [Exit,

chucking Lovel under the Chin.
LOVEL.

A very pretty Amour. [Afide.] Oh la ! What a fine
Room is this — Is this the Dining Room, pray Sir?

P H I L Z P.
No, our Drinking Room.

LOVEL.

La! la! What a fine Lady here is. — This is
Madam, I fuppofe.

Enter KITTY.

PHILIP.
Where have you been, Kitty ?

KITTY.

I have been difpofing of fome of his Honour's
Shirts, and other Linnen, which it is a Shame his

Honour fnould wear any longer. Mother Barter

is above and waits to know if you have any Com-
mands for her.

PHILIP.
I (hall difpofe of my Wardrobe to-morrow.

KITTY.
Who have we here ? [Lovel bcws.

PHILIP,

BELOW STAIRS. 27

PHILIP.

A Boy of Freeman's, a poor filly Fool

L O V E L.

Thank you [Jftde.

PHILIP.

I intend the Entertainment this Evening as a
Compliment to you, Kitty.

KITTY.
I am your humble, Mr. Philip.

PHILIP.

But I beg I may fee none of your Airs, or hear
any of your French Gibberim with the Duke.

KITTY.
Don't be jealous, Phil. [Faivningly.

PHILIP.

I intend, before our Marriage, to fettle fome-
thinghandlbme upon you^ and with the fivehundre4.
Pounds which 1 have already faved in this extra-
vagant Fellow's Family •

L O V E L.

A Dog ! [AJjde] O la, la, what, have you

got five hundred Pounds ?

PHILIP.

Peace, Blockhead

KITTY.
I'll tell you what you mall do, Phil.

PHILIP.
Aye, what mail I do ?

KITTY.
You mall fet up a Chocolate-houfe, my Dear —

PHILIP.

Yes, and be cuckolded {Apart ^

KITTY.

You know my Education was a very genteel
one — - I was Half-boarder at Chelfea, and I fpeak
French like a Native — Comment vcus porter iwus,

\ Awkardly.
D 2 PHILIP,

28 H I G H L I F E

PHILIP.

Plha! Pma!

KITTY.

One is nothing without French — I fhall fhine ir}
the Bar — Do you fpeak French, Boy ?

L O V E L.
Anon

KITTY.

Anon — O the Fool ! ha, ha, ha ! — Come here,
do, and let me new mould you a little — you muffc
be a good Boy, and wait upon the Gentlefolks to
Night. [She ties and powders bis**. . .

L O V E L.
Yes, aVt pleafe you, I'll do my beft,

KITTY.

His Beft! O the Natural ! — This is a flrange
Head of Hair of thine, Boy — It is fo coarfe, and
ib carrotty.

L O V E L.
All my Brothers and Sifters be red in the Pole.

P H I L I P — K I T T Y.
Ha, ha, ha! [LoudLaugb.

KITTY.

There — Now you are ibmething like — Come,
Philip, give the Bloy a Lefibn, and then I'll lecture
him out of the Servants' Guide.
P H I L I P.

Come, Sir, firft, Hold up your Plead — very
well — Turn out your Toes, Sir — very well — .

Now call Coach

L O V E L.
What is call Coach ?

PHILIP.
Thus, Sir: Coach, Coach, Coach, {Loud.

L O V E L.
Coach, Coach, Coach. {Imitating.

PHILIP.

BELOW STAIRS. 29

PHILIP.

Admirable ! the Knave has a good Ear — Now,
§ir, tell me a Lie.

LOVE L.
Oh la ! I never told a Lie in all my Life.

PHILIP.

Then it is high Time you mould begin now ;
what is a Servant good for that can't tell a Lie ?

KITTY.

And (land in it— Now I'll lefture him [Takes
out a Book] This is The Servants' Guide to Wealth,
by Timothy Shoulderknot,/0rw<r/y Servant to feveral
Nobkmen, and now an Officer in the Cujloms. NeceJJa-
ry for all Servants.

PHILIP,

Mind, Sir, what excellent Rules the Book con-
tains, and remember them well — Come, A7//y,
begin — .

KITTY. (Reads.)

Advice to the Footman
*? Let it for ever be your Plan
" To be the Matter, not the Man,
fe And do — as little as you can.

L O V E L.

He, he, he ! — Yes, I'll do nothing at all — ,
not I.

KITTY.

" At Market, never think it Stealing,
" Tb keep with Tradefmen proper Dealing •,
" All Stewards have a Fellow-feeling.

PHILIP.

You will underftand that better one Day or
other, Boy.'

KITTY.
To the Groom :
" Never allow your Matter able
" To judge of Matters in the Stable.

« If

an, (
i. 3

30 H I G H L I F E

" If he mould roughly fpeak his Mind,

" Or to difmifs you feems inclin'd,

" Lame the beft Horfe, or break his Wind,

L O V E L.
Oddines ! that's good — he, he, he ;

KITTY.
To the Coachman :
" If your good Mafter on you doats,

<c Ne'er leave his Houfe to ferve a Stranger,
" But pocket Hay, and Straw, and Oats,
" And let the Horfes eat the Manger.

L O V E L.
Eat the Manger ! he, he, he !

KITTY.

1 won't give you too much at a Time — Here
Boy, take the Book, and read it every Night and
Morning before you fay your Prayers.

PHILIP.
Ha, ha, ha ! — very good — But now for Bufi-

finefs.

KITTY.

Right — I'll go and get out one of the Damafk
Table-cloths, and fome Napkins ; and be fure, Phil,
your Side- board is very fmart. [£#//,

PHILIP.

That it mail — Come, Jemmy [Exit.

L O V E L.
Soh!— Soh! It works well. [Exit.

E N D of the Firft Act.

ACT

BELOW STAIRS.

ACT II.

S C E N E, Thf Servants Hall, with the
Supper and Side-board Jet out,

PHILIP, KITTY, and LOVEL.

KITTY.

5fc^)$CELL, PM. what think you? Don't we
\v" ^ look very fmart? — Now let 'em come
as foon as they will, we fhall be ready for

>em.

PHILIP.
'Tis all very well ; but —

KITTY.
But what ?

PHILIP.
Why, I v/ifh we could get that fnarling Cur,

KITTY.
What is the matter with him ?

PHILIP.
I don't know - He's a queer Son of a -

KITTY.

Oh, I know him ; he is one of your fneaking
half bred Fellows, that prefers his Matter's Intereft
to his own.

PHILIP.
'• Here he is

(Enter TOM.)

— And why won't you make one to-night, tfom? — •
Here's Cook and Coachman, and all of us.

TOM.

32 H I G ri L I P E

TOM.
I tell you again, I will not make one.'

PHILIP.
We ihall have fomething that's good.

TOM.
And make your Matter pay for it<

PHILIP.
I warrant, now, you think yourfelf mighty hoj

neft Ha, ha, ha.

TOM.
A little honefler than you, I hope, and not brag

neither.

KITTY.

Harkyee, you Mr. Honefty, don't be faucy ^-

L O V E L.
This is worth liftening to. \Afide.

T O M.

What, Madam, you are afraid for your Cully,
are you ?

KITTY.

Cully, Sirrah, Cully? Afraid, Sirrah, afraid of
what ? [Goes up to Tom.

PHILIP.
Ay, Sir, afraid of what ? [Goes up on the other fide.

L O V E L.
Ay, Sir, afraid of what ? [Goes up too.

TOM.
I value none of you 1 know your Tricks,

PHILIP.
What do you know, Sirrah ?

KITTY.

Ay, what do you know ?

L O V E L.
Ay, Sir, what do you know ?

TOM.

BELOW STAIRS. 33

TOM.
I know that you two are in Fee with every

Tradefman belonging to the Houfe. And that

yon, Mr.Clodpok, are in a fair Way to be h an g*d.

[Strikes Lovei.
PHILIP.
What do you flrike the Boy for ?

L O V E L.

It is an honed Blow. [Afide.

TOM.

I'll ftrike him again. 'Tis fuch as you that

bring a Scandal upon us all.

KITTY.
Come, none of your Impudence, Tom.

TOM.

Egad, Madam, the Gentry may well complain,
when they get fuch Servants as you in their Houfes.
— There's your good Friend, Mother Barter^ the
old-cloaths Woman, the greateft Thief in Town,
juft now gone out with her Apron full of his Ho-
nour's Linnen.

KITTY.

Well, Sir, and did you never ha !

TOM.

No, never : I have liv'd with his Honour four
Years, and never took the Value of That- [Snapping
his Fingers.'] — His Honour is a Prince ; gives noble
Wages, and keeps noble Company, and yet you
two are not contented, but cheat him wherever you

can lay your Fingers. — Shame on you !

L O V E L.

The Fellow I thought a Rogue is the only ho-
neft Servant in my Houfe. [Afide.

KITTY.
'Out you mealy-mouth'd Cur !

PHILIP.
Well, go, tell his Honour, do — — ha, ha, ha.

E TOM.

34 H I G H L I F E

TOM.

I fcorn that — Damn an Informer ! — but yet,
I hope his Honour will find you two out, one

Day or other — That's all. I Exit.

KITTY.
This Fellow muft be taken care of.

PHILIP.

I'll do his Bufmefs for him, when his Honour
comes to Town.

L O V E L.

You lie you Scoundrel, you will not. [Afide.~\
. O la, here is a fine Gentleman.

Enter DUKE'S Servant.

DUKE

Ah ! ma chere Mademfeille ! Comment vous
portez vous ? [Salute.

KITTY.
Fort bien, je vous remercier. Mounfieur.

PHILIP.
Now we mail have Nonfenfe by wholefale.

DUKE.
How do you do, Philip ?

PHILIP.

Your Grace's humble Servant.
DUKE.

But my dear Kitty \Talk apart.

PHILIP.
Jemmy.

L O V E L.
Anon ?

PHILIP.

Come along with me, and I will make you free
of the Cellar.

L O V E L.
Yes — I will — But won't you afk be to drink ?

PHILIP.

No, no ; he will have his Share by and by. —
Come along.

LOVEL ,

BELOW STAIRS. 35

L O V E L.

Yes. [Exeunl Philip and Lovel.

KITTY.
Indeed I thought your Grace an Age in coming.

DUKE.
Upon Honour, our Houfe is but this Moment

up. You have a damn'd vile Collection of

Pictures I obferve, above Stairs, Kitty Your

'Squire has no Tafte.

KITTY.

No Tafte ? That's impoffible, for he has laid
out a vaft deal of Money,

PUKE.

There is not an original Picture in the whole
Collection — Where could he pick 'em up ?

KITTY.

He employs three or four Men to buy for him,
and he always pays for Originals.
DUKE.

Donnez moi votre Eau de Luce My Head

aches confoundedly [She gives a Smelling-bottle.] —

Kitty > my dear, I hear you are going to be married, —

KITTY.

Pardonnez moi, for that.

DUKE.

If you get a Boy, I'll be Godfather, Faith. —
KITTY.

How you rattle, Duke! I am thinking,

my Lord, when I had the Honour to fee you
laft.

DUKE.

At the Play, Mademfeille. —

KITTY.
Your Grace loves a Play ?

E 2 DUKE.

36 H I G H L I F E

DUKE.

. No — It is a dull old-fafhioned Entertainment
- — 1 hate it. —

KITTY.
Well, give me a good tragedy.

DUKE.

It muft not be a modern one then — You are de-
vilifh handfome, Kale — Kifs me — [Offers to kifs her.

Enter Sir HARRY'.? Servant.

Sir HARRY.

Oh ho, are you thereabouts, my Lord Duke ?
That may do very well by and by — However
you'll never find me behind- hand. [Offers to

kifs her.
DUKE.

Stand off, you are a Commoner — Nothing un-
der Nobility approaches Kitty.

Sir HARRY.

You are fo devilifh proud of your Nobility —
Now I think, we have more true Nobility than
you — Let me tell you, Sir, a Knight of the
Shire -

DUKE.

A Knight of the Shire! ha, ha, ha! a mighty
Honour, truly, to reprefent all the Fools in the
County.

KITTY.

O lud ! this is charming to fee two Noblemen
quarrel.

Sir HARRY.

Why any Fool may be born to a Title, but
only a wife Man can make himfelf honourable.

KITTY.
Well-faid, Sir Harry, that is good Morillity.

DUKE.

BE LOW STAIRS. 37

DUKE.

I hope you make fome Difference between He-
reditary Honours and the Huzzas of a Mob.
KITTY.

Very fm art, my Lord — Now, Sir Harry

Sir HARRY.
If you make ufeof your Hereditary Honours to

fcreen you from Debt

DUKE.
Zounds ! Sir, what do you mean by that ?

KITTY.

Hold, hold, I fhall have fome fine old Noble
Blood fpilt here — Ha' done, Sir Harry

Sir HARRY.

Not I — Why he is always valuing himfelf upon
his Upper Houfe.

DUKE.
We" have Dignity. [Slow.

Sir HARRY.

But what becomes of your Dignity if we re-
fufe the Supplies ? [Quick.

KITTY.
Peace, Peace— Here's Lady Bab

(Enter Lady BAB'J Servant in a Chair.)

Dear Lady Bab

Lady BAB.

Mrs. Kitty, your Servant — I was afraid of tak-
ing cold, and fo ordered the Chair down Stairs.
Well, and how do you do ? — My Lord Duke,
your Servant — and Sir Harry too — your's.

DUKE.
Your Ladyfhip's devoted — — —

Lady BAB.
I am afraid I have trefpafTed in Point of Time

{Looks on her Watch] But I got into my

fav'rite Author.

DUKE.

38 H I G H L I F E

DUKE.
Yes, I found her Ladyfhip at her Studies this

Morning Some wicked Poem

Lady BAB.
Oh you Wretch ! — I never read but one Book.

KITTY.
What is your Ladyfhip fo fond of ?

Lady BAB.
Sbikfpur. Did you never read Shikfpur ?

KITTY.

Shikfpur? Shikfpur? — Who wrote it ? — No, I
never read Shikfpur.

Lady BAB.
Then you have an immenfe Pleafure to come.

KITTY.

Well then, 1*11 read it over one Afternoon or
other. — Here's Lady Charlotte. —

(Enter Lady CHARLOTTE'S Maid in a Chair.)

— Dear Lady Charlotte.

Lady CHARLOTTE.
Oh, Mrs. Kitty * I thought I never mould have

reach'd your Houfe Such a Fit of the Cholic

feiz'd me — Oh, Lady Bab^ how long has your
Ladyfhip been here ? — My Chairmen were fuch
Drones — My Lord Duke, the Pink of all good
Breedi ng

DUKE.

Oh Mam — [Bowing.

Lady CHARLOTTE.

And Sir Harry Your Servant, Sir Harry.

[Formally.
Sir HARRY.

Madam, your Servant — I am forry to hear your
Ladyfhip has been ill. — —

Lady CHARLOTTE.
You mufl give me leave to doubt the Sincerity
of that Sorrow, Sir — Remember the Park. —

Sir

BELOW STAIRS. 39

Sir HARRY.
The Park ? I'll explain that Affair, Madam.

Lady CHARLOTTE.

I want none of your Explanations. [Scornfully*
Sir HARRY.

Dear Lady Charlotte !

Lady CHARLOTTE.

No, Sir ; I have obferv'd your Coolnefs of late,
and defpiie you — A trumpery Baronet !

Sir HARRY.

I fee how it is ; nothing will fatisfy you but No-
bility — That fly Dog the Marquifs —
Lady CHARLOTTE.

None of your Reflections, Sir — The Marquifs
is a Perlbn of Honour, and above enquiring after
a Lady's Fortune, as you meanly did.

Sir H A R R Y.

I — I — Madam ? — I fcorn fuch a thing < — I
allure you, Madam, I never — That is to fay —
Egad I am confounded — My Lord Duke, what
mall I fay to her — Pray help me out. — [Afide.

DUKE.
Afk her to mew her Legs — Ha, ha, ha. \Afide.

Enter PHILIP andLovEL, loaded mtb Bottles.

PHILIP.

Here, my little Peer — Here is Wine that will
ennoble your Blood — Both your Ladymips moil
humble Servant.

L O V E L. (JffeSing to be drunk.

Both your Ladylhips moil humble Servant. — -

KITTY.
Why, Philip, you have made the Boy drunk.

PHILIP.
I have made him free of the Cellar. Ha, ha, ha.

LOVEL.

4o H I G H L I F E

L O V E L.

Yes, I am free — I am very free.

PHILIP.

He has had a Smack of every Sort of Wine,
from humble Port to Imperial Tokay.

L O V E L.
Yes, I have been drinking Kokay. —

KITTY.

Go, get you fome Sleep, Child, that you may
wait on his Lordfhip by-and-by.
L O V E L.

Thank you, Madam I will certainly wait

on their Lordfhips and their Ladyfhips too. [£/$&*

and exit.
PHILIP.

Well, Ladies, what fay you to a Dance, and then
to Supper ? Have you had your Tea ?

ALL.
A Dance, a Dance — No Tea — No Tea.

PHILIP.

Here, Fidler [calls.] 1 have provided a very
good Hand, you fee.

(Enter FIDLER, with a wooden Leg .)

Sir H A R R Y.
Not fo well legg'd, Mr. Philip.

ALL.
Ha, ha, ha.

B U K E.

Le drole ! — Harkye, Mr. — which Leg do you
beat Time with ?

ALL.
Ha, ha, ha. [Loud Laugh.

Sir HARRY.
What can you play, Domine ?

FIDLER.

Any thing, an't pleale your Honour, from a
a Jig to a Sonata.

PHILIP.

BELOW STAIRS. 41

PHILIP.

Come here Where are all our People ?

[Enter Coachman, Cook, Kingfton, Cloe.] I'll
couple you — My Lord Duke will take Kitty —
Lady Bab will do me the Honour of her Hand ;
Sir Harry and Lady Charlotte — Coachman and

Cook, and the two Devils dance together

Ha, ha, ha.

DUKE.

With SubmifTion, the Country Dances by-and-
by.

Lady CHARLOTTE.

Ay, ay ; French Dances before Supper, and
Country Dances after — I beg the Duke and Mrs.
Kitty may give us a Minuet.

DUKE.

Dear Lady Charlotte, confider my poor Gout —
Sir Harry will oblige us. [Sir Harry bows.

ALL.
— Minuet, Sir Harry — Minuet, Sir Harry —

F I D L E R.

What Minuet would your Honours pleafe to
have ?

KITTY.

What Minuet ? Let me fee Play Marjhal

thingumbob's Minuet.

[A Minuet by Sir Harry and Kitty, awkward

and conceited.

Lady CHARLOTTE.
Mrs. Kitty dances fweetly.

PHILIP.

And Sir Harry delightfully.
DUKE.

Well enough for a Commoner.
PHILIP.

Come now to Supper A Gentleman and a

Lady — Here, Fidler [gives Money.'] Wait without

F • FJDLEK,

42 H I G H L I F E

F I D L E R.

Yes, an't pleafe your Honour. [£#//, with a

'Tankard.
[They fit down-]

PHILIP.

We will fet the Wine on the Table — Here is
Claret, Burgundy, and Champagne, and a Bottle
of Tokay for the Ladies — There ar* Tickets on
every Bottle — If any Gentleman chufes Port —

DUKE.

Port ? — 'Tis only fit for a Dram.
KITTY.

Lady Bab, what mall I fend you ? Lady

Charlotte, pray be free j the more free, the more

welcome, as they fay in my Country. The

Gentlemen will be fogood as to take care of them-
feives. \A Paufe.

DUKE.

Lady Gfor/0//*, " Hob or Nob! "
Lady CHARLOTTE.
Done, my Lord — In Burgundy, if you pleafe.

DUKE.

Here's your Sweetheart and mine, and the Friends
of the Company. \¥bey drink. A Paufe t

PHILIP.

Come, Ladies and Gentlemen, a Bumper all
round — I have a Health for you — " Here is to
" the Amendment of our Mafters and MiftrefTes."

ALL..

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. [Loud Laugh. A

Paufe.
KITTY.

Ladies, pray what is your Opinion of a fingle
Gentleman's Service ?

Lady CHARLOTTE.
Do you mean an old fingle Gentleman ?

ALL.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. \Lcud Laugh f

3 PHILIP.

BELOW STAIRS. 43

PHILIP.

My Lord Duke, your Toaft.
DUKE.

Lady Betty

PHILIP.

Oh no — A Health and a Sentiment.
DUKE.

A Health and a Sentiment ? No, no, let us

have a Song -Sir Harry, your Song.

Sir HARRY.

Would you have it ? Well then — Mrs. Kitty,

we mud call upon you — Will you honour my

Mufe ?

A L L.

A Song, a Song, ay, ay, Sir Harry's Song —
Sir Harry's Song. —

DUKE.

A Song to be fure, — but firft, — Preludio

[Kijfcs Kitty.] Pray Gentlemen put it about.

[KfJ/ing round Kingfton ki/es Cloe heartily.

Sir HARRY.
See how the Devils kifs !

KITTY.
I-am really hoarfe -, but — Hem — I muft clear up

my my Pipes Hem This is Sir Harry's

Song ; being a new Song, entitled and called,

The Fellow- Servant, or All in a Livery.
[KITTY Sings.']

I.

Come here Fellow Servant, and lijlen to me,
Tlljhew you how thofe of fuperior Degree
Are only Defendants, no better than we.
Chorus, Both high and low in this do agree,
'T'is here Fellow Servant,
And there Fellow Servant,
And all in a Livery.

F 2 Chorus,

44 H I G II L I F E

II.

See yonder fine Spark in Embroidery dreft,

Who lows to the Great, and if they fmile, is bleft -,

What is he ? P faith, but a Servant at beft.

Cho. Both high, &c.

III.

Nature made all alike, no Diftinflionjhe craves,
So we laugh at the great World, its Fools and its

Knaves,
For we are all Servants, but they are all Slaves.

Cho. Both high, &c.

IV.

The fat jhining Glutton, leoks up to the Shelf,
Ibe wrinkled lean Mifer bows down to his Pelf,
And the curlpated Beau is a Slave to himfelf.

Cho. Both high, &rc.

V.

^he gay fparklivg Belle, who the whole 'Town alarms,
And with Eyes, Lips, and Neck, fets the Smarts all

in Arms,

Is a VaJJal herfclf, a mere Drudge to htr Charms.
Cho. Both high, &c.

VI.
Tfan we'll drink like our Betters, and laugh, fing,

and love -,

And whenfick of one Place, to another we'll move,

For with Little and Great, the beft Joy is to rove.

Chorus, Both high and low, in this do agree,

That 'tis here Fellow Servant,

And there Fellow Servant,

And all in a Livery.

PHILIP.

How do you like it, my Lord Duke ?
DUKE.

It is a damn'd vile compofition-! •

PHILIP.
How fo ?

DUKE.

BELOW STAIRS. 45

DUKE.

0 very low ! Very low indeed.

Sir HARRY,
Can you make a better ?

DUKE.

1 hope fo.

Sir HARRY.
That is very conceited.

DUKE.

What is conceited, you Scoundrel ?
Sir HARRY.

Scoundrel! You are a Rafcal I'll pull you

by the Nofe , [All rife.

DUKE.
Look ye, Friend •, don't give yourfelf Airs, and

make a Difturbance among the Ladies. If you

are a Gentleman, name your Weapons.

Sir HARRY.

Weapons ! What you will — Piftols—
DUKE.

Done Behind Montague Houfe

Sir HARRY.

Done With Seconds.

. DUKE.

Done.

PHILIP.

Oh for Shame, Gentlemen My Lord Duke!

Sir Harry, the Ladies ! fie ! [Duke and Sir

Harry affeft to fmg.
A •violent Knocking.

PHILIP.
What the Devil can that be, Kitty ?

KITTY.
Who can it poffibly be ?

PHILIP.
Kingftofc) run up Stairs and peep. [Exit Kingfton]

It founds like my Mailer's Rap Pray Heaven

it

46 H I G H L I F E

it is not he ? [Enter KingftonJ Well Kingjlon,

what is it?

KINGSTON.

It is Mafter and Mr. Freeman 1 peep'd thro'

the Key Hole, and faw them by the Lamp Light

Tom has juft let them in.< <

PHILIP.

The Devil he' has ? What Can have brought
him back !

KITTY.

No Matter what Away with the Things.-—

PHILIP.

Away with the Wine— — Away with the Plate

Here Coachman, Cook, Cloe, Kingflon^ bear a

Hand Out with the Candles Away, away.

[They carry away the Table^ &c.
VISITORS.
What mail we do ? What fhall we do ?

['They all run about in Confufion.
KITTY.
Run up Stairs, Ladies,

PHILIP.

No, no, no. He'll fee you then

Sir HARRY.
What the Devil had I to do here !

DUKE.
Pox take it, face it out.

Sir HARRY.
Oh no i thefe PFeft-hdians are very fiery.

PHILIP.

I would not have him fee any of you for the
World.

LOVEL, without.

Pbilip Where's Philip.

PHILIP.
Oh the Devil! he's certainly coming down Stairs

Sir Harry i rim down into the Cellar My

Lord Duke, get into the Pantry Away, away.

KITTY.

BELOW STAIRS. 47

KITTY.

No, no •, do you put their Ladyfliips into the
Pantry, and I'll take his Grace into the Coal-hole.
VISITERS.

Any where, any where Up the Chimney if

you will.

PHILIP.

There in with you.

[They all go into the Pantry.
L O V E L without.

PHILIP.

Coming, Sir, — [Aloud.'] — Kitty, have you never
a good Book to be reading of?
KITTY.
Yes ; here is one.

PHILIP.

Egad, this is Black Monday with us- Sit down

Seem to read your Book Here he is, as

drunk as a Piper [They fit down.

Enter L o v E L 'with Piftols^ offering to be
drunk, FREEMAN following.

L o v E L.
Philip, the Son of Alexander the Great, where

are all my Myrmidons ? What the Devil makes

you up fo early this Morning ?

PHILIP.

He is very drunk indeed — [AJide."] — Mrs. Kitty
and I had got into a good Bookyour Honour.

FREEMAN.

Ay, ay, they have been well employed, I dare
fay — ha, ha, ha.

L O V E L.

Come, fit down, Freeman^ — Lie you there. [Lays
bis Piftols down.'] I come a little unexpectedly, per-
haps, Philip.

PHILIP.

48 HIGH LIFE

PHILIP.
A good Servant is never afraid of being caught,

Sir.

L O V E L.
I have fome Accounts that I muft fettle.

PHILIP.
Accounts, Sir ! to Night ?

L O V E L.

Yes ; to-night 1 find myfelf perfectly clear—

you mall fee I'll fettle them in a twinkling.

PHILIP.
Your Honour will go into the Parlour ?

L O V E L.
No, I'll fettle 'em all here.

KITTY.
Your Honour muft not fit here.

L O V E L.

Why not ?

KITTY.

You will certainly take Cold, Sir-, the Room has
not been warned above an Hour.

L O V E L.

"What a curfed Lie that is ! [Aftde.

DUKE.
pMip. Philip. Philip. [Peeping out.

PHILIP.
Pox take you ! Hold your Tongue. — \Afide.

FREEMAN.
You have juft nick'd them in the very Minute.

\Afide to Lovel.
L O V E L.

I find I have Mum [Afideto Freeman.]

Get fome Wine Philip [Exit Philip.] Tho'

I muft eat fomething before 1 drink 'Kitty, what

have you got in the Pantry ?

KITTY.

BELOW. STAIRS. 49

KITTY.

In the Pantry ? Lard, your honour ! We arc at
Board Wages. -

FREEMAN.
I could eat a Morfel of cold Meat.

L O V E L.

You fhall have it - Here - [Rifes.~] - Open
the Pantry Door - I'll be about your Board Wages!
- 1 have treated you often, now you fhall treat
your Matter. -

KITTY.

If I may be believed, Sir, there is not a Scrap of
any Thing in the World in the Pantry.

[Oppofmg him:
L O V E L.

Well, then we muft be contented, Freeman. -
Let us have a Cruft of Bread and a Bottle of Wine.

[Sits down again.
KITTY.

Sir, had not my Mailer better go to-bed. -
[Makes Signs to Freeman that Lovel is drunk.

L O V E L.

Bed! Not I - I'll fit here all Night - 'Tis
very pleafant ; and nothing like variety in Life. —

Sir HARRY. (Peeping.)
Mrs. Kitty, Mis.- Kitty -

KITTY.
Peace, on your Life. [Af.ds.

LOVEL.
9 what Voice is that ?

KITTY.
Nobody's, Sir. - Hem

(PHILIP brings Wine.}

Soh Very well Now do you two march

aff March off, I fay.

G PHILIP.

50 HIGHLIFE

PHILIP.

We can't think of leaving your Honour —
For egad if we do, we are undone. . - [Afide.

L O V E L.

Begone -My Service to you Freeman, Thi?

is good Stuff.

FREEMAN.
Excellent. [Somebody in the Pantryfnsez.es.

K I T T Y.
We are undone ; uncone [Afide.

PHILIP.
Oh ! That is the Duke's damn'd Rappee. [AJidt.

L O V E L.
Didn't you hear a Noife, Charles?

FREEMAN.
Somebody fneez'd, 1 thought.

L O V E L.

Damn it! There are Thieves in the Houfe-

I'll be among 'em. [Takes a PifoL

KITTY.

Lack-a-day, Sir, it was or!y the Cat They

fomctimes fneeze for all the World like a Chriftian.

— Here, Jack, Jack He has got a Cold, Sir,

Pufs, Pufs.

L O V E L.

A Cold? Then I'll cure him Here Jack%

Jack, ' • Pufs, Pufs.

KITTY.

Your Honour won't be fo rafh Pray your

Honour, don't. \Ppprfi»g.

L * V E L.

Stand off Here Freemen Here's a Barrel

for Bufmefs, with a Brace of Slugs, and well

prim'd, as you fee Freeman I'll hold you

rive, to four Nay, I'll hold you two to one, I

hit the Cat thro' the Key-hole of that Pantry Door —

FREEMAN.

BELOW STAIRS. 51

FREEMAN.
Try, try, but I think it impoffible.

L O V E L.
I am a damn'd good Markfman. [Cocks the Pjftoly

and points it at the Pantry Docr.~\ Now for it!

[A violent Shriek^ and all is dif covered."] Who the

Devil are all thefe ? One, two, three, •

four.

PHILIP.

They are particular Friends of mine, Sir. Ser-
vants to fome Noblemen in the Neighbourhood.

L O V E L.
I told you there were Thieves in the Houfe.

FREEMAN.
Ha, ha, ha.

PHILIP.

I allure your Honour they have been entertained
at otir own Expence, upon my Word.

KITTY.
Yes, indeed, your Honour, if it was the laft

Word I had to fpeak.

L O V E L.

Take up that Bottle [Philip takes up a Bottle

•with a 'Ticket to it, and is going off.] Bring it

back Do you ufually entertain your Company

with Tokay ', Monfieur ?

PHILIP.
I, Sir, treat with Wine !

L O V E L.

O yes, from bumble Port to imperial 'Tokay tea.
[Mimicking himfelf,
PHILIP.

How ! — Jemmy my Mailer'!
KITTY.

*fimmy ! the Devil !

G 2 PHILIP.

52 H I G H L I F E

PHILIP.

Your Honour is at prefent in liquor — But in
the Morning, when your Honour is recovered, I
will fet all to rights again.

L O V E L. (Changing his Countenance, aud turning

• his Wig.)
We'll fet all to rights now — There, I am fo-

ber, at your Service What have you to fay,

Philip ? [Philip Jtarts.~] You may well ilart —

Go, get out of my Sight.

DUKE.

Sir — I have not the Honour to be known to you,
but I have the Honour to ferve his Grace the Duke

L O V E L.

And the Impudence familiarly to aflume his
Title — Your Grace will give me leave to tell you,
" That is, the Door" — and if you ever enter
there again, I affure you, my Lord Duke, I will
break every Bone in your Grace's Skin — Begone

I beg their Ladyfhip's pardon, perhaps they

cannot go without Chairs — Ha, ha, ha.

FREEMAN.
Ha, ha, ha. [Sir Harry Jteals of .

DUKE.
Low bred Fellows ! [Exit.

Lady CHARLOTTE.
I thought how this Vifit would turn out. [Exit.

La<Jy BAB.
They are downright Hottenpots. [Exit.

PHILIP and KITTY.
I hope your Honour will not take away our
Bread.

LOVEL.

BELOW STAIRS. 53

L O V E L.

" Five hundred Pounds will fet you up in a
« Cholate Houfe — You'll Ihine in the Bar, Ma-;
" dam " — I have been an Eye-witnefs of your
Roguery, Extravagance, and Ingratitude.

PHILIP and KITTY.
Oh, Sir ! - Good, Sir !

L O V E L.
You> Madam, may flay here till To-morrow

Morning And there, Madam, is the Book

you lent me, which I beg you'll read " Night and
" Morning before you fay your Prayers."
KITTY.

I am ruin'd and undone. [Exit.

L O V E L.

But you, Sir, for your Villainy, and (what I
hate worfe) your Hypocrify, mall not flay a Mi-
nute longer in this Houfe ; and here comes an ho-
neft Man to mew you the Way out — Your Keys
Sir. — — [ Philip gives Keys.

Enter TOM.

Tom, I refpecl aud value you — You are an

honell Servant, and mall never want Encourage-
ment Be fo good, Tom, as to fee that Gentle-
man out of my Houfe [Points to Philip] and

then take charge of the Cellar and Plate. .

TOM.

I thank your Honour -, but I would not rife on
the Ruin of a Fellow-fervant.
L O V E L.
No Remonftrances, Tom -, it mail be as I fay. —

PHILIP.

What a curfed Fool have I been ? [Exeunt Ser-
vants.

LOVEL.

54 H I G H L I F E, &c.

L O V E L.

Well, Charles^ I muft thank you for my Frolick
— It has been a wholefome one to me - • Have
I done right ?

FREEMAN.

Entirely — No Judge could have determin'd
better - As you punifh'd the bad, it was but Ju-
flice to reward the good. -
L O V E L.
A faithful Servant is a worthy Character.

FREEMAN.
Andean never receive too much Encouragement.

L O V E L.
tf Right.

FREEMAN.
You have made Tom very happy.

L O V E L.

And I intend to make your Robert fo too —
Every honeft Servant mould be made happy.

FREEMAN.

But what an infufferable Piece of Afiurance is it
.in fome of thefe Fellows to affect and imitate their
Matters' Manners ?

L O V E L.

What Manners muft thofe be, which they can
imitate ?

FREEMAN.
True.

L O V E L.

If Perfons of Rank would act up to their Stan-
dard, it would be impoffible that their Servants
could ape them - But when they affect every
thing that is ridiculous, it will be in the Power of
any low Creature to follow their Example,

We E N D.

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