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Full text of "The Ingoldsby legends; or, Mirth and marvels, by Thomas Ingoldsby. People's ed"

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Illustrated bv CruHcshank, Leech, q.. 

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■TVH(« 1b OtlxT t,'«coii vhlcli Ma 

■IxhI with incw ud tUfth." 


CAUTION, sisns' 


M yn it«^ Ulo OriftMl Ahial\ "Uih mijp bi 


ax rtm it:ei"W ia' a 

The moct Parfeot, Simple, and Dnr^ 

gniea of MANUFAC. 


TTTST otto:. 
'wn for FAMILY USE, and aU 
'th and Leather. 
• INE, 
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ri» §Mk iMxni tar eoUiun' tnstnwoi flut Bbdwh ud 
Pouox'R Cou Tton ta iMonuneodsd irador Uii« 
bow). Ib the luuid* ol u ueompUshed oook Uum » ao 
known Umtt la tbo -ntietj of iklioal* ud palAUUo di^io* 
wliioh ma; be prodnoul bom it It raadilr looda itaelf 
to Uta roqntKtMinti of enrj indiTidd&l U«t«. ud nuj 
t« onriclWil wHh ercr? ruiatf of ingnUmi witida Ute 
rucnuoM of tbe nun'iic 

It ts eqcallj loKXiiptibta of pUln kDit aiinple iraitment 
tar nrdiliuy doniuaUo porpoeos, unl oon of ila oJiiof 
nnoauasDdktloaa is Qm hdlit; with which II nftj be 
pre[«rad. Boilod wlUi iidlk, ud with m wiUioat Iha 
ttdditian ntngu bwI Iknmriiig, tt n»f be rwdj fiir tlie 
tabid wilfain fiftaen minaUa; or, poorod into a mould 
■nd ooolod. it tncMMa In the noann of an bonr a Btano- 
tnaof 0. wUdi, aomd with fnab or proMrrod (rait, will 
ha aowptable at ao; bmbI. AiU nltnna nUaiaa, mar- 
maJiido, or jam of any kind, and in aboot tha mso timo 
II ia madu liito an cxmlltint Qakod Paddinf;- 

To whicfa Ikcta maj bo aildud jiurt t«n hmla: I. Tako 
cara to boil with milk, wbati ao raqolnd, fat nvtltm than 
tifJil minvta. 2, If time oan b« tokoi for It, tUr Baked 
Paddfuit will \m> tbs better tor being allowod to oool, and 
nlioald be n-wancdd when abo><il lo be acrrad. 


Tom Brown's 



r nn OLD BOY. Willi oTrr CO l UiurtmUnmi. Ualfam 4t«. IMn tSd. 

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:klT DEIR SiK, 

roc iriih me to collect iobi a aingle voliuoe certun 
runbling extneti Imn ma funilj mamonuiila, nway 
of which b*Te olnad/ appeared in the pages id four 
HitetUuif. At lb« Mine time yon tell me that doablt 
are entertained in cettain qnailen aa la the aathen* 
tieitjt at ibcii deUib. 

Now with reepert to Ihrir genu! 
chist. in nhich the original* 
ere dcpoeiled, ii not more 
funiliar to mj ejci than it 
ia to fOor own; and it its 
contenta bare uij lalue at 
all, it consists in the alrict 
veracity ot ike (acts they 

To convince tlio mist in- 
cr«ilulcnu, I eon only aitu, that 
thodld baiin«s~pl( 
out uf the qncstion — 
Ihem into ths neighboutbood 
v1 Folkt>eti>ne. let Ihem take 
Ihe high mad from Can- 
terhiiiy M JJixer till tJrey 
reach the easlem eilmoii'y 
al Darham Duhdi. Here a 
bcantitnl green lane Uivcr);- 
iag abruptly to Ibe righl, 
nrli] curry Ibrrn through the 
Oxcnden plantattont and the 
unpretending village of Den- 
' , lo the font ol 

they will be recciied witli a hearty old English wel- 

Tbe papei3 in question having been written by dir- 
ferent parliei, and at variuni periods, I hare thonghl it 
adviuble to reduce Ihe more aneiont ot tbem into a 
comparatively modem phrasetilugy, anil to make nij 
collateral ancertor, Father John esperiilly, 'deliver 
hinueK like a man ot Ibis world ;' Mr Muguire, indeed, 
is the only Gccttpman who, In bis occouut of the late 
C'TOmiliao. rrtuins hia onn rich lemncuhir 

respoetablc bill,— oi hilts go 
in this part of Europe. On 

reaching its summit let 

lo(A straight before tbem,— 
■nd If, among the hanKing woods which crown the 
(ippotit« side ot the valley, they cannot diatinguish an 
aotiqnnlcd Manor-house of Elimbothon architoclure, 
with its gable ends, stone stanebions, and tortuous 
dinmeyi rising above the luirounding trees, why — Ihe 
IMOer tbev procur« a p«ir of Dollood's patent enee- 
UelM the Uter. f P 

If, on tbe coQiTsry, they can manage to descry it, 
and, proceeding some Eve cr lix furtungi thfoogh tbe 
■vnne, will ring at the Lodge-gnte, — they cannot 
Wiltlke the (lone lion with tbe Ingcddsby eacDtcbeon 
(Xmine, a sallire engrailed Quits.) iu hi* pan. — 


inmlam iiigurlitrin la Anglli! rull. qum dimiiiiu 
jUnianLnCcI lD]]»iiDritM inprrniumii ttmUlpm. 

OBST an rspmminii ClamonAqm trrriliiln (iiL hmoi) par 
qeiMer fma* inllJailti audMuiiar.'— .Vundub, Ckram. 
H tb* lone bleak moor. At ttis midnight boar, 
Beneath the Oallowi Tree, 
Hand in hand Tbe Murderers stand, 
By one, by two, by three ! 

And tbe Moon that night With a grey, eold light 
Each halef u] object tips ; 

One hiJf ot her form b seen Ibroagb the storm, 
Tbe oth» hair* hid in Kclrpsc I 

And the cold Wind howls, And the Thunder 
And tbe Lightning is broad and bright : [growls, 

And altogether It's very bad weather, 
And an unpleiuant sort of a night I 

ho list, And close W the wrist, 

Al to arrangement, I shall adopt the lentiment e: 
prnsed by the Constable of Bourbon lour centurica ag 
icsfe Bhuspeare, one which ecems to become moi 
fashionable every day, 

'TbeDevJ lake all order !!— I'll to tbe tbrongl ' 
Believe me to be, 

My d< 


Sever uie qnickly the Dead 

Now climb who dare Where he swings 
•nd pluck me Sre locks of tbe Dead Man' ' 

I air, 


Yours, meet indubitably and immeasorably, 
TATTiiraTrw Evkraed, 
^nn. iOlh, IStO 

There's an old woiniin dwelk npon Tappinglon Moor, 
She hath yean on hct back at the least fotuicntv, 
And some people fancy a great many more ; 

Her Doaa it i* hook'd. Her buck it is erook'd. 
Her eynt blear and red ; On the top of her head 
Is a mutch, and on Uint A shocking bad hat, 
EKlInguisber -shaped, tbe brim narrow and flat I 
Then, — My Oraeioos I — her heard 1 — it wonld sadly 
A spectator at Rrst to distinguish her sex ; [peiplei 
Nor, 111 vDnluro to lay, without senrtiny eoold ho 
IVoDOuace her, off-handed, a Paneb or a Jndy. 
Did yon see her, in short, that mud-hovel within, 
With her kneci to her nose, and her nose to her chin, 
Leering up with that qoeer, indescribable grin. 
You'd lift up your bandi in unazcment, and cry, 
'—Well !— 1 never did see such a regular Guy 1 ' 
And now before That old Woman*) door. 
Where noaght that's good may be. 

Hand in band The Mnrderers stand, 
By one, by two. by three 1 
Oh 1 'b* a horrible sight to view. 
In that horrible hovel, that horriMi' crew, 

By the pale blue glare of thai flickering flams, 
IJotng the deed that hath never a name 1 

7is awful to bear Those words of fear I 
The prayer mutter'd backwards, and said with a sneer I 

iUatlhew Hopkins binusU ha* anured us that when 
, witch says her prayon, she begins with ' Amen,')— 
— Tis'awfnl to too On that old Woman's knee 
The dead, shrivell'd hand, a» the cbupi it with glee !— 

And BOW with care, Tbe Are locks of bur 
Froiii the skull ol the GenUeman dangling up there, 
Wiih the grease and tbe fat 01 a black Tom Cat 
She hwtens to mix. And to twiil into wicks. 
And one on the thumb and each finger (a fix, — 
(For another receipt the some charn to prepare, 
Consnlt Mr. Aini«-orlh and felit Atberl.) 

Now open lock To Ihe Dead Man') knock I 
Ply boll, and bar, and hand I — 

Nor move, nor swerve, Juint, muscle, at aerrav 
At the (pell ol the Dead Man's hand I 

All is silent 1 aU i« Still. 

Save the ceaselsm moan of Ihe hnlihling rill 

As it well* from the boemn of Ts^pington tlill. 

And in TappingtoQ tlall Great and Siuall, 
Gentle and Bimple, Squire and Groom, 
Each on* bath Bought his separate it»m. 
And sleep her dork uiantle hath o'er them cut, 
For tbe midnight hour hath long been post I 
All is darksome in eartii and sky. 
Save, from yon easement, narrow and high, 

A quivering beam On the tiny ilxeom 
Plays, like sodip Uper'i fitful gleam 
By one that is watching wearUy 
Wilhin Ihst casement, noiraw and high, 
In his secret lair, where none may spy, 
Sits one whoee brow is wrinkled with care, 
And the Ibin grey locks of his foilicg hair 
Have left his little bold pate all bare ; 

For hii fnll-boltom d wig Hangs, bushy and I 
On the top of his old-fsshion'd, bigh-oack'd chair. 

Unbraced are his clothes, Ungarter'd his hose. 
His gown is bediien'd with tolip and rose. 
Flowers ot remarkable siie and hue, 
Flowen such as Eden never knew ; 
— And there by many a sparkling heap 

Of Ihe good red gold. The tale i» told 


Haply, he deems no eye can see 

As be gloats on his treasure greedily, — 

Tbe shinins store Of gtittering ore, 
Tbe fair [Dsc-noblc, the bright moidore, 
And Ihe btnod Double- Joe from ayont the tea, — 
Bat there's one that watches as well as he ; 

For. wokefal and sly, In a closet hard by, 
On his truckle bed lieth a little Fool-page, 
A boy who's onconunoBlT sharp of his ago, 

Like yonng Master Ilomer, Who i-rat in a i 

Sal eating a Christmas pie ; 
And, while that old Oentlraun's coonting hit hoi 
Little Hugh peeps throngh a crock in the b^<ards ! 

Thero^ a voice in the air, Thertli ■ step oi. "-.jk 
The old man starts in bis cane-baek'd chair ; ["tMrl 

At tbe first f^nt sound He gases anMUul, ' 

And holds up bis dip of sixteen to the pound- 

Then half one* From be«d( his to« 
His tittle png-dog with his liltte pug nose. 
But, ere he can vent one inquisitive snifl. 
That little pug-doc standi stark and stifl, 

For low, yet dear. Now foil on the ear 
— Where once pronounced for ever they dwDll^ 
The unholy words of the Dead Ulan's ipell t 

TEB maoLvsBY isotnps: 

• Open lock To the Dead Mm's knoct I 

Fir boll, uid bar, uid bDnd !- - 

Nor mave, nor iwerve, Joiot. muwle, or nerve, 
At the spell of tbe Dead Mui'a baud t 
Sleep lU nliK Bleep !— W«kc nil who w»ke f— 
But be as tL« Dmd (ur tLe Dead Muu's cake 1 ' 
Nor lock, nor butt, nor bar imils, 
Nor stout oik p»Qcl thiek-studdod with nnik. 
Hesv^ lod hmb tbe binges creak, 
Tliougb tboj' had been oil'd in the coune oE tlie ireek ; 
The door opcna wide, U wide may be, 

And lliers the/ itdnd. That mardcmns bund, 
Lit by the llelit of Ibat Gloiuois Uand, 
By one!— -by two 1— by three ! 


Tis ewly dawn — the mora ia grey. 

And tbe clouds and the tempest bare pass'd awfty, 

And all things betoken a very fine day; 

But nbilc tbo lark her carol ia singing, 

Each one irbo's found within Tappiugton Uull, 

Gentle aod Simple, Squire ot Groom, 

All aoofc nt once Ihnt old Gentleman'i room : 

And there, on Ibe floor, Drench' 
A ghastly ccapsc lies expessd to the vi . . , 
Carotid and jugnlnr both cut through 1 

And there, by its aide, "Mid Uie crimson tide, 
Kneel* a little Foot-pnge rf tccdereat years ; 
Adowu bis pule ebevk the fiut-folliug tears 
Are coui^g each other round and bi^, 
And hpV sinimching the blood n-ithafuU-lottom'd wig 
Alas I aud uluck Ut his Gtaunchine I—'tis plain, 
Aa anatomists tell as, that never aeiun 
Sj^iall life revisit the fonlly slain, 

ibey'ie tfceo cut through the jugnlat vein. 


They hove nass'd llrongh the porch they hnve p.iss'd 

Ihrongh the liaOJ, '^ 

Where the Porter tat snoring «gainst Iha wall ; 

The very snore troie In his very snub ncao, 
Toa'd have verily deeni'd he bad sniwed his last 
When tbe Gwmioca Hasd bv the side of him pnas'd 1 
E'en the little woe mouse, as 'it ran o'er Ihe mat. 
At the lop of iti speed lo escape from tbo cat, [flight 

Thougb half dead with afiright. Paused ia its 
And the cat that was chasing that little nee thing 
L«y cauch'd as a statue in act lu spring t [slAir 

And now they us there, On the head of the 
And the lung crooked whittle ia gleaming aad bore! 
—I really don't think any money would brilie 
Mt tbe horrible scene that ensued to describe. 
Or the wild, wild glue of that old mon'g eye, 
Uu dumb despair, and deep agony, 
._h« kid from the pen, and the lamb bvm the fold 
!!Ttaiooved may the Wade oT the bulcher behold ; 
They dream not— iJj, happier they !— that the knife, 
Though oplitted, can menace their innocent li/o ; 
It foils; — the frail thread of their being is riven. 
They dread not, sumect not, the blow till 'tis given,— 
Bat, oh ! what a thing tis to ae« and to know 
That tbo bare knils is raised in the hand of the fuo, 
Without hope to repel, oc lo nard oft Uie blow I— 
—Enough ;— let's pas oi-cr as fust hs we eon 
The lata of Uut grey, that unhappy old nun I 

But fancy poor Hugh, Aghast at the riew, 

PowerlcM alike to Hpeah or to do I 

In vain doth be try To opm the eye 
Tliat IS shut, or dose that which ii elapt to tbe chink 
Though he'd give all the world lo be able to wink 1— 
No I — tot all that this world con gite or refute, 
1 would not be now in that little Tioy'a shoo, 
Or Indeed any garment at all that a Ungh'i I 
— TU lucky (or bim that the chink in tbo wall 
Ue hoi peep'd through ao long, is so namiw and amull I 

Wailing Toicea, sounds of woe 
End) aj follow deporting friends, 

Thai fatal night round Tappington go. 
It* long-dniwn roofn, and iti gable ends : 

When ui 

Thcrcls a hue and a cry through the County of Kent. 
And in ebase of the cufc-tbroals a Constable's sent, 
But no one cui tell the man which way they went : 
There's a little Foct-pogc with that CoostahlB goes. 
And ■ little pug -dog wiUi a little pug nose. 

lu Bochester town. At the mgn of tbe Crown, 
Three ahabby-geotetl men are just sitting down 
To A fat stnhble-goBie. with potatoes done brown : 

When a little Foot-page Rusbes in, in a nige, 
UpteltiDg (he apple-sauce, onionn, and sage. 
That little Foot-page takes the Hret by the throat, 
And a little png-dog takes the next I7 tiie coat, 
And a Constabic seizes the one more romots; 
And fuir Toie-noblcs and broad muidores, 
Tbe Waiter pulls out of their puekels by aoonB, 
And tbe Biiot« and tbe Chomboniiaidj lun in and store ; 
And the Constable ean, with a dignified ur, 
' Vou'n tennted, GenUemen, one and all, 
Fit that 'Brffprecions lark at Tappington Hill I' 
There'a a bUck gibbet frowns upon Tappinglon Moor, 
'i^'bere a former block gibbet has frowned before ; 

It is OS bLick OS black may be, 
And mnrdoren Iberc Are dangling in air, 

By one! — by twol— by tbreel 
There's a horrid old hag in a steople-orown'd hot, 
Round her neck they hove tied to a hempen crarat 
A dead Man's hand, and a dead Tom Cat t [toea 

Thev have tied np her thnmbs, they have tied up bci 

They have tied up her eyes, they have tied up hei 
Into Tappineton miD-dam souse she goej, [limbs ; 

With a whoop and a halloo! — 'She iwimsl — Shu 

They have dragg'd her to land, And every one's 
Is grasping a faggot, a billet, or brand, 
IVhen a queer-looking borscmon, dresl oil in black, 
SuBtches np that old hoiiidan jost like a sack 
To the cnipner behbd bim, puts spun io his hack, 
Mokes a dash throogh the crowd, and is off iu a crack 1 

No one can telt Though thej guess pretty well, 
Which way that grim rider and old woman go. 
Fur all see bo's a sort of infernal Dncrow ; [decide 

And she scrcam'd so, and cried. We may fairlv 
That Ibe old woman did not much relish her Hde ! 


This truest of stories confirms beyond doubt 
That trueil of adages — ' Murder wilt out I ' 
In vtin may the blood -spiUer ' double ' and fly. 
In rain even witchcraft and sorcery try ; 
Allhongh for a time bo may 'scape, by-and-by 
Dell bo S1UD to be caught by a Hogh and • C17 ! 

Hiiw u ulanU; u one ■ 


•1.00K AT Tlili CLOCKl' 
' T OOK at Uie Clock I ' qnolli Wmifred Piyee, 

_I_J As she open'd the door to Iiit hnihaad'» knock. 
Then pansed to give him a piecn of adriM. 
' Yua nasty ^Vuniuit, lOLiK at Uia Cktk ■ 


Treat her who vow'd to love and obey yon f— 

Out oU night ? Me in a fright ; 
BlsggeriBg home as it's just getting light I 
You intoxiJGed brute I — you iusensiwe block I 
Look at the Clock!— Do !— Look at the Clockl 

Winifred Pryca was tidy ond clean. 
Her gown was a flower'd one, her petticoat green. 
Her buckJes were bright as ber milkine cans, 
And her hut was a beaver, and made like a maa'a ; 
Her little red eyes were deep-set in their socket-bides. 
Her gown-tail was tutn'd up, aud tuck'd Ummgh ttw 
pocket-holes ; 

A face like a ferret BetokcO'd her spirit : 
To conclude, Mrs Ptyee was not over young, ^^^^ 
""* very short legs, and a very long tongue. ^^^H 

Now David nyce Had one d^irling vico; ^^^H 
Remarkably partial to anytliing nice, ^^^H 

Nought that was good to hiui came amisi, ^^^H 

Whether to ea(, to drink, or lo kiss ! ^^^^ 

Especially ale — If it was not too stole 
I really believe he'd have emptied a pail t 

Not that in Wales They talk tk their Ale* ; 
To prononoee the word they moke me of might tnohla 
Being apelt with a C, two S's, and a W. [you, 

Mr David Pryce had been soaking bii ciny. 
And omnsing himself with bis pipe and chcroott. 
The whole oJtemoan, at the Goat- in ~ Boots, [h ' 

With a couple more soakers, Thoioughbti 
Both, like himself, prime singers and jokeis ; 
And long after day had drawn (o a close, 
And the rest of the world was wrapp'd in rcpote, 
llie^ were roaring out ' Shenkin r and ■ At byi f 
Whila David birosalf, to a Sosscnach tune, [*""■' 

Sangi*WeVe dnink down the Sun, twva I 1et*s diink 

Wfaathaveivewiihdaytodo)' [down the Moon 1 

Un Winifred Pryce, twas made for yon." 
At leneth, when they couldn't well drink any more, 
Old ' Gonl-in-Boots ' showed Ihem Uie door : [shoe* 

And then came that knock. And the seosibU 
David felt when bis wife cried, • Look at tbe Clock 1 ' 
For the hands etood as crooked as crooked might be, 
The long at the Twelve, and the short at Uie Three I 

"niat self -same clock had long been a bene 

Of contontion betneen this Uortiy and Joan, 

And often, among their pother and rout, 

When this othem'ise amiable couple fell out, [s^oilrt 

Fryce would drop a cool hint, Wilb an oiiunow 
At its case, of an ' Uncle ' of his, who'd a ' Spout,* 
That horrid word • Spout ' No sooner dime oat 
Tbaa Winifred Pryce would tnni her about, 
And with scorn on ber Up, And a band on each trip, 
' Sjiont ' heisolf till ber nose grew red at Ibe tip. 

' Ton thundering wiilin, I know yoo'd be killing 
Toiu- wife — oy, a doien of wives— tor a shilling I 

YoQ may do what yon please, You may sell my 
fMrs P. was Ino well-bred ttfmenlion ber wnocV) 
But I never will port with my Grandmother's Clock 1 ' 

Mrs Piyce's tongue ran long and nu fast ; 
But potieaee is apt to wear out at lost, 
And David Pryce in temper wos quick, 
So he stretch'd out bis band, and caught hold of a tticki 
Perhaps in its use he might mean lo be lenient. 
But walking just then wasn't very couieniert. 
So ho Uirew it instead, Direct at her head: 
It knock'd ofl her hat ; Down she felt flat) 
Her cose, perhaps, was not much mended by tluitt 
But whatever it waa,^whether rage and pain 
Produced apopleiy, or burit a vein, 
Or her tumble produced a concussion of bntin, 
I cant lay for ceriaio, — but Ihit 1 can. 
When, Booefd bv fright, to assist her he ran, 
Mrs Winilrcd Pryce was as dead ts Queen Anne t 

Tbe (earful catastrophe Named in my last ttrooha 
As adding to grim Death's expbiila auch a vast tn^Iiy 
Made a great noise ; and the sliocking (atalit/ 
Run over, like wildfire, the whole Principality. 
And then came Mr Ap Thomas the Coroner, ^ 

1 bis Jniy to sit some doien it more, on her. 

Mr Prjoe, to tommenee Ilia ' ingenious defence. 
Made a ' powerful appeal ' to tho jury's ' good seiue ;' 

'The world he must defy Ever to Justify 
Any presumption of " Malice Pn^ienafl.' ' 

"The onlucky lick From Uie end ol bis stick 
He ' deploted,'~ho was ' ai* to be raUicr too quick ;'— 

But. really, her prating Was to aggravating ; 
Some trifling r«n«lion was jutl what he meant :— oil 
Uw iwt, b« tMund then, wiu ' ftuitc ACCidcDtoLl 



TheafaecftlUMr JonM WhndepODWtobeitoiiu. 

id ber goBtnres uul hints aboal ' breaking liii booea :' 

U1« Mr Ap MoTgBn ftDd Mi Ap Bhis 

DccUre the deceased Hud ttvlcd him. a ' Brut,' 
And swciir Uib; bad nitacsi'd, nitfi griof and iDTprisp, 
The ollusioa ste made la bis liiubi uid bil eyen. 
The jniy, ia 6ae, baring mt oa tb« bod; 
The whole day, diwnming the casp. and gin-toddj, 
Retnm'd abon'l hal(-pas( eleven at nigbt 
The foUowing TeraiH,-Wa find, Sare* her Hghl!' 

Mr PifM, Mm WiiiKrad Prrce l>dn([ de»d. 
Felt lonclj, uid mopod ; uid dtie eieoing h« (aid 
Hs iroiild many Misi Divis at onre in hsr ttmd, 

KM far from his dwelling, From Uie vale pnmdlj 
Rote B mountain ■ Ht name joiill eiruse me fnnn tell- 
For the TDiteli made ttse uf in Wi'Uh ure lo levr [Jng, 
Thtt the A nnd the B, the I. 0, un<t tlie U, 
Hare rcalW bat little or nothing In lIo; 
And the dulr> of foaae, Ulh the beavin ly Ua, 
On the L, and the H, and the S:, ■»! the X 

Its fint iTlUble, ' Pen,' In piDnounceoUa; — then 
Come two L La, and bco H Hi, two F Fd, aadaalT; 
About half * «<M>re Ra, and ■oma Ws follow, 
B«aUng alt mf heti cButla at ea|iboaj' hollow: 
But we shan't have toinrDUnu it olten. so when 
We do, with joor leave, well fintail it to ■ Pbv.' 

Wrtl — the niooQ ihooe bcight Ujiud ' Fi:.i ' that 
When Piyee, beini^ quit of hii tnwi nnd bis (right, 

Was Kcabng its lido With UiJit ^rt of stride 
A man puts out wlion miking in x«acrb of a bride. 

Miiunting higher and higher, 11*^ bc^n to per- 
TH, finding tiii legs weie beguuiiag to lire, [<pire, 

And feeling oppTOt -B7 ■ piin iu bii rhest. 
He pained, and luin d roand lo take breath ami to tnt ; 
A walk all op bUl is apt, we know, 
To make one, however robast, pud and blow. 
So he itopp'd and look'J down on tbc ralle; below. 

O'er fell and oVr (en, Over niauntaia kni glen, 
All bright in the moonshine, bU eyn roiod, and uea 
An the Patriot rose in his soul, and be thought 
LTpoB Valef, and her glorioj, and all he'd been tanght 

Of bet hofoo of old. So braro and so bold, — [gold ; 
Of her Iktds with long beards, asd hupi moDated in 

Of King Edward tlifl Firet, Of aieaioij aecurst 1 
And the !Khindalaai nuuner in which he behaved. 

Killing |io«tB b^ doneu With their nnclea and 

Of whom not one in fift;^ had orer been shaved — 
Of the Court Ball, at whirh bv a Inckj mishap, 
Owen Tudor (ell into Queen Knlherine'e Iqi ; 

And how Mr Tudor SoeecafaUj woo'd her. 
Till Iho Dowagpr put on a new wedding ring. 
And so made biui ratber-in-law to Ibo King. 
Ilo thongbt npon Arthur and Merlin of jcm. 
On Qrymth ap Conin and Owen Otendonr; 
On Fendtsgog, aud Heaven knows how manf more. 
lie thought of all this, as he gucd, in a trice, 
And on all thing*, in ihort, tnit the late Mrs Prree; 
When a luniboring noise from behind made bim etart, 
And lent Uic blood ba^k in full tide to bis heart, 

Which went pit-s-pat Ai bo cried out ■ What's 
that ?' — fmund ? 

That Terr queer sound?— Does it come ftom the 
Or the air, — from above.— or below, — nr around? — 

It ii not like Talking. It ii not like Walking, 
ll'i not like the cUttering of pot or of pan. 
Or the (ramp o( a lianc, — or the trend of a man, — 
Or the bom o( a crowd, or the ihonling of 1x71, — 
Il'i reallT a deneed odd tort of a noise [ 
Not unlike a cait'o-but thai cant be: (or when 
Could ■ all thi King's hnnra, and all the King^ men,' 
With Old Nick lur a wagj^ner. drive one up ' Pn T ' 
PrxM, analtf brimful of valour when dnmk, 
Now eiperinnced what Hrboolhoya dnnuminite ' fuik.' 

In raia be kaJi'd tmr.k On the whole of the track 
He hud trartmed '. a thick elund, nncotutnunlf black. 
At this KKiment obwored the bioaJ diic of the moon. 
And did 


did nut seam likolr to pass awiv aoun ; 

While dearer and clearer, Twts plain lo thi 

■ noise what it might, it drew nearer and nearer, 
•onnded. as Prreo to tbii moment declare*, 
much > like a Coffin i-walking up-iiaira,' 

Mr Pijce had began To ' make up ' (or a run 
nn in rach a comoaniim he taw no greai (on. 

When a single bright laj' Shone out on llie • 
lie had pasa'd, and he saw, with no little dlimar. 

Coming after him, bounding cr cmg and o'er ruck, 
Tbc deceased Mn Winifred s ' Grondtnother'* Ctock 1 ' 
Twas so !— it had certalnlv tnovej front its place. 
And eome lumbering on thus, to hold him in cfaase: 
Th as the very same Head, and the very some Case, 
And nathiug was altcr'd at all — but tbe Face t 
In that he perceived, with no httic surprise. 
The two line winder-bolea tamed into ejes 

Bbuinz with Ire, Like two coals of fire ; 
And the ■ Name of the Maker ' was chunced to a Lip, 
And the Band* lo a Noac with a n-ry red tip. 
Sol— he could not mistake it,— 'twas Sub lo the life I 
Tbe identical fac« of bia poor defunct wi/e I 

Like a Weather-cock whirl'd by a vehement paff. 

David tum'd biniseK rt>nad ; Ten feet of gioand 
lie clear'd, in his start, at [ho very (int bound 1 
I've seen people run at West-Knd Fair (or cheeses — 
I've seen ladies ran at Bow Fair lor chemise* — 
At Greenwich Fair twenty men run for a hat, 
And one from a BiuliS much (aster than that ; 
At foot-bnll I've teen lads ran alter the bladdei— - 
I've seen Irish brieklayen run up a ladder — 
I've soen litUo boys nin away from a cane— 
And I've neeu (that is, rcoJ n/) good ruonuig in Spain ; 

But I never did read Of, or witneae. such speed 
A; David exerted tlmt evening. — Indeed 
All I have ever heard of bovs, women, or men. 
Falls far short o( Prjce, as he ran over ' Fes 1 ' 

Qe reaches its brow, — He has past it, and now 

ig once gaia'd the sununit, and managed to cross 
Hulls down tbe side with unconmion velocity : [it, be 

Bat ran as ho will. Or mil down the hill, 
The bugbear behind bim is after him still ! 
And close at his heels, not at all to his liking. 
The (emblc Clock keeps on tickiug and striking. 

Till exhausted and sore, He cant run any more, 
But falls as he reacbes Miss Davit's door, 
\nd screams when ther rush out, aUnn'd at hit knock. 
Oh 1 Look at tbe Clock 1- Do 1— Look at tbe Cbck 1 1 ■ 
tliss Davis look'd up, Miss Davis took'd down, 
She saw nothing there lo alarm her ; — a frown [horrid 

Came o'er nor while forehe*d ; Sho said, 'it was 
lan should Come knocking at that lime of nigbt, 

give her Mamma and herself such a fright ; — 

'fo squall and lo bawl About nothing at all 1' 
She bege'd ' he'd not think o[ repeating his call : 

His late wife's disasler By no means had past her;' 
She'd ' have bim to know she was meat for bis Master I ' 
Then regardless alike ol his lore and his woes, 
She turned on her heel and she tam'd up her nose. 

Poor David in vain Implored to remain ; 

dared not,' he said, ' cross the mountaia again.' 

Why the lair was obdurate None knows, — to be 
Was said she was setting ber cap at the Curate, [sure it , 
Be that a> it mtf, it is certain tbe sole bole 
Pryce found to creep into that night w:is tbe Coal-hole ! 

In that shady retreat With notbing to eat, 
And with very braised limb*, and with very sore feet. 

All night dose he kept; leant say be slept: [wept 
But he ligh'd, and he sobb'd, and be eioan'd, and he 

Lameatiae his sins, And hit two broken tbins, 
Bewailing his fate with contortiona and grins. 
And her he ones thought a camotole Ilani A vli, 
Consigning to Satan,— vii,, cruel Mis Davis I 
Mr. David has since had a • serious call,' 
Kb never drinks ale. wine, or spirits, at oil. 
And they say ho is going lo Kicter Ilall [teach 

To make a grand speech. And to preuch and to 
People that ' they can't brew their mall liquor too mull.' 
Thai an ancient Welsh Poet, ano pTKi)An A' TtnoB, 
Was nght in proclaiming • AineniJt hkh Uihw 1 ' 

Which muaos ■ The pure Klemont 

Is for Man's belly meant t ' 
And that Ot'n's but a Snan of Old Nick tbe detnder ] 
And ' (till on each evening when pleasure fills up,' 
At the old Goat- in -Bouts, with Metheglia. each cnp, 

Mr. Fiyce. if he* therv. Will get into the 'Tbe 
And make all his quonJam aanciates stare [Cbair,' 
By calling aloud tu the Landlady'* daoghter, 
' Palty, bring a Cigar, and ■ glsM o( Spring Water 1 ' 
The dial he constuitly watches ; and wbcn 
The long hand 'sat tho'Xn.,' and the short at the' X..' 

He gets on his legs. Drains his glaai lo the dreg". 
Take* bis hat and ereat-coot off their teveral pegs. 
With his Freaidents hammer bestows his lost knock, 
And savi loleiiinly— ' Oenllj^rn ! 

' Look at TnB CUXT 111' 

«Tl(m*, irilM prlncllxU *c 
E T«Khe<t a verjr Htvancol m 


THERE stands a City,— neither large ni 
Ha air and situation sweet and pretty ; 
It mntters very litUe— if at all— 

Whether its deniieos are dnll or witty. 
Whether the ladiea there are short or UtI, 

Brunettes or blondea, only, there stanils a 
Perhaps 'tis also requis" 
That there's a Cattls I 

Is and a Cobbler iu 

A fair Cathedral, too, the story goes. 
And kmgs and heroes tie cotonib'd within ber ; 

There pious Sainis in marble pomp rejiose, 
IVhosc shrines arc worn Ire knees of many n sinji 

There, too, full many an Aldermonle nose 
Koll'd its lond diapason after dinner; 

And there stood high the holy sconce of Be<J:et, 

— Till four assassius came from France to cnck it 

The Castle was a huge and aaliqne mound, 
Proof against all lb' artiileiy i/t tbe qnivcr, 

Ere these abominable guns were found, 
To tend cold leiul lluough gallant warrior's live 

It standi upuu a gently rising ground, 
Sloping down gmdnaUy tu the river, 

Resmiibliiig (to compare great things witli smalleijr 

*. well-scoop d, mouldy Slillon cheese — but laliiT. 1 

nd stuS'd, tuloa I'm miiinfonucd greatly. 

With leaden pipes, and coke, and coals, and bcUowi; 

In short, so great a change has come to pun, 

""■ i« a manufactory ol Ga«, 

mj talc. — Before this proFiuulloi). 
ereitsanciontgloriw were cut short 
■ hard-working Cobbler took his statio 
. .. . small houBB, Just opposite tbe portal ; 
His birth, bis narentage, and edocalion, 

birth, hH narentage, and edocaiion, 

kjiow but littje of— a strings, odd ntortal ; 
His aspect, air, and gait, were all ridiculous ; 
■ I: ^g ^^ Mason — he'd been chtistcn'd NicholM 

Nick bad a wife possesa'd of many a charm, 
And of the Lady Huatingdoa pertua*iun ; 
But, spite of all ber pictv, her ann 



ig of a temper 
now and then 


No nmtter •— 'tis a thing tliafs not uncommon. 
'Tis what we all have heard, and most have nod 0/ — 

t mean, a bruising, pugilistic woman. 
Such as I own I entertain a dread of, [on 

And w did Niek,whom lometinios there woold come 
A sort of fear his Spouse might knock his head off, 

Demolidt half his teeth, or drive a rib in, 

3he ahoue to much in 'facers' and In 'fibbing.' 
There's time and place for all things," said a sage. 
(King Solomon, I think.) and this I can say. 

Within a well-roped ring, or on a stage, _ 

may bo a very pretty Fauen, J 

When Masrs Burke or Bendigo engage : fl 

— 'Tis not so well in Susan, Jane, or Nancy : — ■ 

To get well mill'd by any one't an enl, J 

But by 8 lady— 'tit the very Devil. 

And so thought NicboUs, whose only Iroubjo 

■ ) was tbii his nb's pra 

he alehoDsc he would 

sublime inunenmty 

Of cogitation — then he couldn't cobble — 

And then bis wife would often try the denaily 
Of hit poor sknll, and strike with all h«r taight, 
As fast as kitchen-wcnchcs strike a Uglit ' 
Mason, meek scid, who ever l.aled rtiiSf. 

Of this same striking had a morbid dread, 
He hated it like poiBon— or hbi wife — 

A vast antipathy 1— but to he laid — 
And very ofien, for a qoict life. 

On tbcM oc.iuiOBi he'd sneak up lo Iwl, 
0rop9 darkly in, uil, loin as at tbe dour 
Ua LmaI bM Uv-irlw'il ftaUaA la 


(hie nignt, thee, ever purtia! lo societ)'. 

Nick, with a friend (another jovial fellair}, 
Went lt> ■ Clab— I ihaold have uid Societf— 

At the ' Cit7 Aimf,' once called the Porto Ballo ; 
A S(iautii)g party, nbith, tliough aotns deciy il, I 

Consider no hid lounge tvhcn one is mellow ; 
There they discuss the tax on alt and Iralher. 
And change of miniitera and chmgc of neatticr. 

In ihort, it was a kind of DritiHh Fotiim, 
Like John Gale Jones's, ersl in Piccadilly, 

Only they managed things with luoio Jecunuil, 
And the orations were not quite 90 sillj ; 

Far different questioni, too, would come before 'em, 
Not always Polities, which, will ye nil] ye. 

Their London prototypes were always willin); 

To give one quantam auf, of — for a (hilling. 

It more resembled one of later date. 

And ten-fold talent, u I'm told, in Bow -street. 
Where klndlier-Datured aouls do congregate ; [street, 

And. tbongh there are who deem that same a low 
Yet. I'm osnired, for froliesomo debate 

And genuine humour it's nirpase'd by no street. 
When the ' dual Boron ' cntcn, and assumes 
To ' rule ' o'er mimic ' Thesigcn ' and ' Broughams.' 
Ilere they would oft forget their Hulcrs' faulla, 

And waste in ancient lore the midaiehl taper ; 
Inquire if Orphons flrst produced the Waltt, 

Row Gas-lights differ from the Delphie Vapour, 
Whether Hippocrates gave Glauber's Salts, 

And wbst the Romans wrote on ere they'd paper — 
Thit nigbt the nibject of their disquisitions 
Was Ghosts, Holtgobllns, Sprites, and Apparitions 
One trarned gentleman. ' a sage, grave man,' 

Talk'd of the Ghost in Hamlet. ' sbealh'd iu eIccI '— 
His well-read friend, who next to speak began. 

Said, ' That was Poetry, and nothing real ; ' 
A third, of more extensive learning, ran 

To Sir George ViUiets' Qhust, and Kirs, Veal ; 
Of sheeted Spectres spoke with sfaorten'd breatb, 
Aod tbrice he quoted ' Drulincourt oi Death.' 
Nick smoked, and smoked, and trembled as he heard 

The point dtieuss'd, and all they said upon il, 
How, Ireqoently, some murder'd man appcar'd 

To tell his wife and ehildren wbo had done it ; 


Sprang from kis »at, not duuUing hat a Iccluro 

Impended from hi) fond and faithful She ; 
Nor could he well !o pardon hiin expect her. 

For be hod promised to ■ be homo lo tco ; ' 
But having luckily the key o' the bock door, 

Ud (ondTy hoped that, unperceived, bo 
Might creep up-ctsirs again, pretend lo dose. 
And boui his spoose with music from his nose. 
Voin, fruitless hope .'—The wearied sentinel 

At eve may overkxjk the cronching (oe, 
Till, ere bis hand Can sound the ahmnn-belt. 

He sinks beneath the unexpected l>]uw ; 
Before Ibe whiskers of Grimalkin fell, 

When slumbriag on her post, the luonse niny go — 
But woman, wakeful woman, 's never weary, 
— .\bove all, when she waits to thump her de.iry. 
Soon Un Mason heard the well-known tread ; 

She beard the key slow creaking in tbo door. 
Spied, throngh the doom obscuiv. towards the l»ed 

Nick creeping soil, m oft he bod crept before 1 

When, bengi she threw a samelhing at his head. 

^^ Hi 

^^B. And 

1, bang, she 
d Nick at 01 . 
^Vliile the exclaim'd, witb her indignant (ace on — 
' How dare yon use your wife so, Au Msson ? ' 
Spore we to leQ bow Gerceir she debated, 

Especially the length of her oration — 
Spare we to toll bow Nick expostulated, 

Koaaed by the bomp into a good set passion, 
80 great, that more than once be execrated, 

Ere be cmwi'd into bed in his mnal fashion : 
— The Hoses bate brawls ; suffice it then to toy. 
Ho dnck'd below the clolbes — aud there bo lay t 
"Twas BOW the very tiilching time of nigbt. [Jeod, 

When churcbyuda groan, and ^res give up their 
And many a mischievous, enftuicbiEed Sprite 

Hod lung since bant bia Iwnds of slonv or lead, 
And harried off, with acboolboy-liko delight. 

To play bi* pranks new some puut wretch's bed, 
Sleeping, pflrM^ scrcnol^ as a pvrpoiee. 

iping, pflrbua scrcnoli' as a pvrpoiee, 
'diMnuBf n Uhi fiotoiA Hab«M Cwpw, 

Not so our Nicholas : his meditaduns 
Still to the same Iiemendnus theme recnrr'd, 

The same dread subject ut the dark narrations. 
Which, back'd with some authurity, he'd heard : 

Loft in his own horrific contemplations. 
He pondcr'd oVt each wcH-remembet'd word ; 

Wtien at the bed's foot, close beside the post, 

He verily believed be saw— a Ghost 1 

Plain, and more pbiin, the unsubstantial Sprite 
To his astonish 'd gaze each moment grew ; 

Qhoatly and gaunt, it reor'd its shadowy height. 
Of more than miirto] seeming lo the view, 

And ronnd ilalong, thin, bony Rngen drew 
A tatler'd winding-sheet, of courso all tehile ;— 

The moon that moment peeping throi^b a ebnd, 

Nick very plainly taw it thrmigh llu iliroud! 

And now those malted locks, which never yet 

Hod yielded to the comb's unkind divorce. 
Their long-contrac1«d amity forget. 

And spring asunder with clastic force ; 
Nay, e'en the very cap, of texture coarse. 

Whose ruby cincture crown'd that brow of jet. 
Uprose in agony^ — the Gorgon's head 
Wis but a type of Nick's np-»quotting in the bed 
Prom every pore dislill'd a cinuimy dew, 

Qnaked every limb — the candle, too, no doubt, 
Ea rigle. wouM have burnt extremely blue, 

But Nick unluckily had pat it out ; 
And he, though naturally bold and stiimt. 

In short, was in a roost tremendous stew :" 
The room was 611'd with a sutphnreous suiell. 
But where that come from Ma^n could not tell. 
All motionless tlie Spectre stood — and itow 

lis rev'roiul form more clearly shone confctt -, 
Prom the pale check a beard of purest tnow 

Descended o'er its venerable breast ; 
The thin grey hairs, that crown'd its furrow'd brow. 

Told of yeais long gone by. — An awful gue:>t 
It stood, and with on action of command, 
Beckon'd the Cobbler with its wan right band. 
' Whence, and what art thou. Execrable Shape ? ' 

Nick might have cried, could he have found atungne. 
But his distended jaws could only gape. 

And not a sound upon the weUuo rung : 
His gooseberry orbs seem'd as they would have sprung 

Forth from their sockets — like a frigbten'd Ape 
He sat upon his hannehes, bolt upright. 
And shook, and giinn'd, and chattcr'd nith aSrigbt. 
And still Ihe shadowy (inget, long and lean. 

Now beckon'd Nick, now pointed to the door; 
And many on ireful glance, and frown, between, 

ffhe angry visage of the Phantom wore. 
As if quite vex'd that Nick would do no more 

Than store, without e'en asking. ' Wli at d'ye mean?' 
Because, as we ore luld — a sod old joke, too — 
Ghosts, like the Indies, ■ never speak till spoke to.' 
Cowards, 'lis said, in certain situations. 

Derive a sort of courage from despair. 
And then perform, from downright desperation, 

Much more than uian; a tiolder man would dare, 
Nick saw the Ghost was getting in a Diusioii, 

And therefore, groping till he found the chair, 
Seized on his awl, crept softly oni of bod. 
And foUow'd quaking where the Spectre led. 
And down Ihe winding stair, with noiselcaa tread. 

The tenant of the tomb pots'd slowly on. 
Each maiy turning of the humble shed 

Seem'd to his step at once familiar grown. 
So safe and sure the labyrinth did be tread 

As thoQgb the domicile had Iteen his onu. 
Though Nick himself, in passing tbruugb the shop. 
Had almost broke his nose against the mop. 
Despite its wooden bolt, with jarring sound, 

The door upon its hinges open Sew ; 
And forth the Spirit insued — yet around 

It tum'd, as if il> follower's feors it knew. 
And, once mors bsckoDing. pointed to the mound. 

The antique Keep, on which the bright moon threw 
With such effulgence her mild silvery gleam, 
The visionary form leem'd melting in her beam- 
Beneath a pond'mDB archway's sombre shade. 

Where once Ibe huge portfullis swung sublime, 
'Mid ivied battlements in ruin Uid. 

Sole, (od memorials of the ulden time, 
Tbe Phantom held its way — ond tbonglt afraid 

Even of the owls that sung their vesper chime, 
Pale Nicholas punned, its stejin altcnding, 
And woadan^whMm earth it all netiUMdiB 

Within Ilie mouldering fabric's deep recess, 
At length they reach *d a etmrt obscure and lon^ 

It seem'd a drear and demlate wilderness. 
The blocken'd walls with ivy all o'ergrawn : 

The nigbl-bird shriek'd her note <4 wild distrtsa, 
Disturb'ii upon her solitory throne. 

As though indignant mortal step should dare, 

" ■ • ■ ■ ' ■ ■ therel 

—The Apparition pansed, and would have 
Pointing to what Nick thought an iron 1 

But then a neigbhoming chanticleer anok 
And loudly 'gan his early motiui sing ; 

And then ' it started like a guilty thing,' 
As that shrill clarion the ulence broke. 

—Wo know how much dead gentlefolks eschew 

The appalling sound of 'Cock-a-doodle-dol' 

Tbe vision aas no more — and Nick alone — 
' His streamers waving' in the midnight wind, 

Which through the ruins ceased not to groan : 
— His garment, too, was somewbot ihort 

And, worit of all, ho knew not where to find 
The ring.— wliich made him most bis fate 

The iron-ring,^-no doubt of some trap-door. 

'Neath which the old dead Miser kept hi~ ' 

'What's to bo done?' he cried: ' Twore <a ._ 
Here in Ihe dark without a single eln^~ , 

Ob. fur a candle now. oi moonlight ray ! , 
"Fore George. I'm vastly puiilud what to 4 

(Theu clapped hia hand beliiml I— ■ 'Tu chill 
rUni ■ 

Then rose from earth to skr a withering thrii 
A loud, a lung-ptolracted note of woe. 

Such as when titmpesls ronr, and timbers creak. 
And o'er the side the masts in thunder go ; 

White on the deck reeisUees billows break, 
And drav their victims to the gulf below ;— 

Such was tbe scream when, tor tbe want of ci ~ 

Nick Mason drove his an 1 in up lo the hondlo. , 

»red by bis Li 

Vanished al oi , 
For dream il was ; — and all his visions high, 

Of wealth and grandeur. Bed before that sCToam— 
And stilt be lutons with averted eye, [then 

When gibing UMghboun make 'Ibe Ghost' ti 
While ever from that honr they all declare ^ 

That Mrs Mason nsed a cushion in bet chairl M 

THE cyyoiAPU. 

»■ Confiiai^ BAiU I b»wicli lliK rtMin, iha luycil ot On (ull 
IBC iDinHidj (I lib Ui* luplia ben of ll» lu- oni. CnpM, et ' V< 

J'Hnt' aliudloc. MoA people vorth I^Idc hive bkd i friond 
IU> kind. Lord Drna k;e b* ' nanr lud bul one. 4iul ben 
(Ibe dog, Dot the Doblfr— uud J ttee 1 ' 


I l>tnr T»; cbiimvit I 

\ Poor Tri/ demon MDi- 

■ Dug-Loty uiii] Virgrra, 

/~VH ! where shaH I hoiy mj poor d»g Tmy, 
\_/ Now hii flcetiag breath has -pasaed tvity ?- 
SeT«Qt««n f cars, I can eeotuie to uf , 
Have I seen bim gaml)o1. und (rolic, inJ^Uj, 
Evermore buppj, and friskj, and gay, 
An tboagh ev^iy one of hia months wis May, 
And the whole of hit life one long holiday — 
Now he's B lifeless lamp of cUy , 
Oh I where shsU I burr mj faithful Traj I 

Where the gceea willows ware 6'cr the pmcefu 
Which holds all that oare waa boneit and brave, 
Kind and eourteons, and faithful, and Ime ; 
Qnalities, Tiar, that nece found in jou. 
But it may not be — ji^n sacred ground 

S" r holiest feelings fenced around, 
aj ne'er within its ballow'd bound 
HcceiVD the dml of a soul-lera hoaod. 
I would not place him in jonder (une. 
Where the mid-day son through the sloried pane 
llirows on the pavement a rjiiiison !^taiu ; 
Where the banuers of chivalry bcavilT sning 
O'er the pinnaf led tomb of tlic Warrior Kinp, 
With helmet and shield, aad all that sort of (liiug. 

No 1 — como what may, Mr gentle Troy 
Shan't be an intruder on iilufl Uiirry Tudor, 
Or ponoplied mooarrhs ret earlier nnd rader 

Wboin you see on their bocis. In itone or in wax 
Though the Saeristaus now ace ' forbidden lo ax ' 
For wbot Mr Uumo eaila • a scaodalons tax ;' 
While the Chartists insist lii^'ve a right tp eo iniieis— 
Vo I — Tny'a humble tomb would look but Jiabby 
*2k[id the scolpturod ihriD(« of that gorgeous Abbey. 

Besides in the place They uy there's not spoco 

n told, is interr'd ther 

bolt Dprigi 
leoth hit bti 


In jm>t such b posture, beneath hi 

Ai Tray used io lit in to beg (or a crust. 

Thcepilaph, loo. Would Karcely do: 
For what could it say, but. ' Here Uu Tray, 
A very good kind of a dog io hia day 1 ' 
And antirieal fulks miKhl be apt lo imagine It 
Meant js a qiiii uu the lloiiie of I'lontogenet 
No 1 no 1— The Abbey may do very well 
For ■ fendat ■ Nob,' or poetical ' Swell.' 

To the Caallc of Onolir Eoilic Cglinlouiu. 
Coant Piddle- futokin, and Lord Fiddle.f addle, 
■Sir CrBien,"SiT Qael,' and 'Sir Campbell of 
Saddell,' rfeat. 

(Who. ai poor Hook laid, when lie heird of the 
■ Was somehow knock'd out of his fimily seat ; '} 

The Squires of Iho body To my Loni 1 

Tomnoddy ; ^ 

' Sir Fairlie,' ' Sir Lamh,' P 

And the ' Knight of the Ram,' r 

The > Knight of the Rocc,' and the ■ Knight »l W 

the Dragon,' [wagon, Jr 

Who, save at the Dagon, And prog in IIk' - 
The newap^ieR t^ us did little ' to briij- on j' 
And more, though the Muie knows hut lliil.- 

couceruiug 'em, ['Sir JeniiiiKljJiin ' 

•Sir Hopkins.'^ -Sir Popkin»; -Sir G-ig--.' aii.i 
All rre« ChrvaUen. in friendly riralrv 
Who ihonld best bring back tb« gloty of 

— (FtBj' be » good, for the sake of my wng, 
To pronoaBU here the ante-pen ultimate long ; 
Or aatno hnier-CTttic will cenuiniy ciy, [eye.' 
■The word ■■Chivalry "is but a rhyme to the 

And I own it ii clear A fattidloui ear 
Will be, more or less, ilwajt onnoy'd with yon 

Insett any rhvme that's not perfectly genuine, [trj 

Ai to pleasing the 'ere,' Tisn't worth while ti 
Since Moore and Tom dunpbeil themselves sdmil 

li pnfectlj entiphooetie te Greenwlcb.'J— 

But stay '. — 1 sav 1 

Let me pause wliile I may — 

This digressioQ is leading me sadly astray 

From my object — A grave for my poor dog Tmy I 

1 would not place hira heuealh tbv walls, 
And proui o crshadowing dome, Si, Paul's 1 
Though I've always considcr'd Sir Cbriitophor Wren, 
As an architect, one of the greatest of men ; 
And, talking of Epitaphs, — much I admire hi*, 
' Oinumtpiee, •'' Monumentum rri/airii ;' 
Which an erudite Vrrger transliili'd to me, 

-eonie-jp5-»«.' — ' 



I Or those ugly minxes The sister Sphynxef, ^^ 
Mlx'd creatures, half lady, half liouess, ergo, ^^^ 

I (Denon say*,) the emblems of I,eo and Virgo \ ^^H 
I On one of the bocks of which singular jumble. ^^| 
Sir Balph Abererombie is going to tumble. ^^| 

With alhnmp which alone were enough to dispatch h^^^ 
If the Scoldunao in front shouldn't happen to caliih 

Nol rdnot 
Where Ibc 

And are qiiietir letting hi 

By Oilleapie, the one who excaiied, a. 

Alone from the row ; — neither he noi Lord Qowe 
Would like lo be plagued with a little Bow-wow. 

No, Truy, we must yield, And go further a-fleld ; 
To lay jon by Nelson wcro downright cBront'ry ; 
— Well be off from the City, and look at the country. 
It shall not be there. In that sepulchred sqaato. 
Where folks are interr'd tor the take of the ur, 
(Though, pay but the dues, they could hardly refuse 
To Tray wtiiit they pTint to Thugs, and Hindoos, 
Turks, Infideli, Heretiet. Jumpers, and Jews,) 

Where the tombstones arc placed In the lerr Ufl 

At the feet and the head Of the elegant dead, 
And no one's received who's not ' buried in Itsul ;' 
For, there lie the bones of Deputy Jones, 
Whom the widow's tears and the orphan's groans 
Afleoted as much as they do the stones 
His eieeulors loid on the Deputy's bonei ; 
Litllercst.poorkiiavel WouIdTrayhav 
Since Spirits, tis plain. Are sent back again" 
roam round their bodies, — the bad onee tn pain, — 
Ilr^l^ing after them sMuetimei a heavy jack -chain ; 
Whcaeivr they met, alarm'd by its groans, bit 
Ghost al! night long would be barking at Jones's. 
Nor aholl be be luid By that cross Old MxiJ, 
Hi» Penelope Bird, — <A whom it ii said 
Al) the dogs in the parich irere ever afraid. 

He must not be placed By one so strait-laced 

In her temper, her taste, her morals, and waist, 

" 'lis said, when she weut up lo Heaven, and St Petiir, 

Who hanpcned to meet her, Como forwan] to 

She pursed up with scom every vinegar feature, 

bade him ' Get out (or a horrid Male Creahirc I ' 
So the Sunt, after looking as if he conld eat her. 
Not knowing, perhaps, very well bow to treat her, 
And not being willing, — or able, — to beat her, 

Sent her back to her grate till her temper grew 

With on epithet which I decline lo repeat hero 
Ka, II Tray were inlerr'd By Pcncliipe 
So dog would bo e'er so be-' whelp' 'd and be- 

All (he night long her cantankerous Sprite 
^^'ould be ruining about in tlie pole moonlight, 


Slay I — let me see I — Ay — here it shall be 
Al Die root of this gnarled and time-worn tree. 

Where Traf and I Would often Le, 
And watch the bright clouds as they Soiited by 
In the broad expaase of the clear bine aky, 
niieQ the sun was bidding the world gooil-hye 
And the pUintive Nightingale, warbling mgn, 
Pour'd forth her mournful nielody ) 
While the tender Wood -pigeon's cooing ciy 
Has made me say to myself, with a sigh, 
' How nice you would cat with a steak in a pic I 
Av, here it »hal! be I — far. far from the view 
ul Uie noif.j world and its maildcning crew. 

Simple and lew. Tender aod true 
'Itie liDvs o'er his grarc^They have, tome o( 

The ail'aatage of being remarkably new. 


Afniction sore Long time he bore, 
I'lirsicians were in tain I — 

Growu blind, alas! he'd Some Pnufic Acid, 
And that put him out ol his pain I 

No! — I ihould not kuow where To place hitn 

I would not have him by surly Johnson be ; — 

Or that qiien- looking horw that is rollin); on Ftm- 

iive l*rn Itw proliietlon iil LonI tltraD'i 
Ijnluer TijIiT. lUDiewbai Uidlgnintfr claU 
IgbllU B«D». Uie l(U Bui OuaVnSl'HK. 

W> indCil liW In, ind hkl tuidlT dano 
W* bewd Oh luucli TsiM sT a aga c3 4 gu 

Etoif (iHlaidlr ••> 


Uothur, dear, 

A iritik ccmm sty From that sinistor eje — 
Hairr-fued Dick »t oneo lots fly. , 
And kaixki oD Uio boad of ;uiiDg IlimUlon Tiglie 1 

There's s Ud; tits loaelj in bowor and hall. 
Her pages and handmaidBm come at her coll : 
' Now, haste yn, aij boDdmaidciu. hi«te and see 
ilow he siU tliare sod glow'ia tcilli hia head on h» kaoe ! 
The mudanB amile, and, her thoufht to deslToj, 
Tbey bring bur a Itttte, pole, me^-f ' '' 
Andtbe niealj'tacci! bov <a;a, ' UotI . 
Now Hamiltoa'a dead, 1 vs a tiii>u*and a-;oar I ' 
The tadf baa donn'd her mantle and hood, 
Sbe ia bound for abrilt at St. Mary'a Rood :— 
' Oh I llic Uper ahoU burn, and the bell (hsU toll. 
And the mass shall bs said for atj at#p-sou's sottl, 
And the tablet fair shall be bung on higbi 
Orale pro animd Hamilton Tiijhe.' 

Her coach and font Drmn up Id tbe door. 
With her gToam, and bar loatmaa, and half-a-Koic 
The lady atrpo into hrr omc^ aloni-, [morv j 

Thaf hnoT her sigh, and thej Iteoi her grout, 
The; dose the donr, and th^ torn th« pin. 
Bvi ISen'i Oat ridet leilh At l)-at ntrtr ttepl In! 
All the wif there, and all the wnv bock, 
Theboracsi (traiot, ind the uunh-springsfrack, 
The boTses anort, and pliing«, and kick. 
Till tlie eoachwan Ibiofct ke is ilriving Old Nii^k : 
And the gnxntu and Ui« footmen wonder, and saf, 
' Wbat QMkea the old f ooch to beav; to-day ? ' 
But tbc moaljr-faf od bny pccgn in and sees 
A tau sitting there wiihliis bend on his knees ! 

_^,_ . , _ n HpptlUliDoa'of in; nut l)«Ti> nniltf 

a i^ifiiM (niarbrUiit nrUlacr nlth ilijtat mr ttiyihia. 1 (btll 

Silj hM Uiai tnrj IikMmI Id Or •lurr bnin ud ilie lh« al It 
MSBn o( vmtlljr, nud Uwl nanr 'pm-mt el ImngBt ' Id Iha 
mut* *t Korku, nba wull rsaillKUil Sir OeoriH Hnoki'a fxpnll- 
UcaacilHl Qlbraiui. Kraiild, ir Uh? mire do* lUlTe. cUntlj bw 
i^lffiiiiij 10 Uu untb Dtevirji if Uiblh 


THE Captain in n-alking hia qusrter-deck. 
With a troubled brow and a beaded aeck ; 
One eje is dunn tbroagh the batchivij' east, 
The other turns up to the track on the most ; 
Yet none of the cren may lenluic to hint 
' Our Skipper bath gotten a sinister Miuint ! ' 
The Captain again the letter bath read 
Wliieb tiie bum- boat woman bronght ont to Spitheait — 
Still, since the good ship aad'd atray. 
He reads that letter three times a-day ; 
Tsl the writing is bread and fair to see 
Aa a Skipper may reud, in his degree, 
And the seal is as hlack, and as broad, and as Baf, 
Aa his own cockade in his onn cock'd hat ; 
He reads, and bo says, at be walks to and Iru, 
' Ouno Ibo old woman — she bothen me so ! ' 
He pau«s now, for the topmen hail — 
> On the loibnard quurtcr a sail I a sail ! * 
That glim eld CantAin he turns him quick. 
And bawls ttaoogb hii trumpet tor IIalry-fucl^i Oiek. 
"The brccieia blowing— hmaal hojiia! 
The brceie is blowing— nway 1 away 1 
The breno it biowiag — a race I a race ! 
The broezo ii blowing — we neu the ctiue .' 
Blood will flow, and tiiillets will fly,— 
Oh, where ivill be then young Hamilton Tighe ? ' 
— ' On the (oemonV deck, where a man ihoolJ be, 
With a iwurd in hi* hand, ami hia foe at bis knee, 
Oockswaia. or booliwain, or reefer may trr, 
Bui the first man on board will be Hamilton Tighel ' 

Haity-taced DUk hath a iwartby bne, 
Between ■ giaeerbread-sut and a Jew, 
And his pigtdilii lung, and bushy, and thick, 
Like a pump-handle stock on the end of a stick. 
BaJrV'faeal Dick uadentonds his trade; 
He alands by the btoccb of • long caironsde, 
Th« linilork glows m hii bony band, 
Wuling that giim old Skipper^ enmmand. 
■ The bullets are flying— buna '. — liuaia t 
Tlie bulli'ti are flying— away ! — away I ' — 
The bnwny boarders mount by the ^ains, 
• ' ere uvcr thi-ir I.Ti-kln. In {,1,-,-.! ...d in broini; 

Or. ■ 

i..utd h 


'Tis ever the same, — in boll or in bower, 

Wherever the pUco, wholevM the hoar. 

That lady mutiora, and talks to the air. 

And her eye is fix'd on on empty chair ; 

But the mealy-lacsd bor itlll whispers with dread, 

' She talks tu a man wim never ■ bead 1 ' 

That old Yellow Admiral goes to the lloiim 


np^de down, 
And the Jack of Claha dues nothing but frown : 
And thv Rinpi, and the Aces, and sU the best trumps 
Oet into the haiida of the other old frumps i 
While close to hia partn'^, a man he sera 
ConniiGij the tricks with his head on his knera. 
In Batclifle Highway there's an old marine store, 
And a great black doll hiin)^ mil of the door', 
There ore maty locb, and diuly lings, 
And mustr phials, and luatr nin. 
And a lusty old woman, eafl'd Tliin'ty N'on, 
And her trusty old busbond^ a llaiiy'taeed manl 

Thai Hsiryfaeed man i» sallow and w , 

And his great thick pigtail ia wjther'd and gi 

And be cries ' Take away that lubberly ch^ 

Thn-t sits there and grins with his head in hit la 

And the neighbours say, as they see him hy>k tiat 

• What a mm old covey, is Hairy -faced Dick ! ' 

That Admiral, Lady, and Hairy-fsced m 

May say what they please, and may do what they can ; 

But one thing soema remarkably clear, — jm 

They may die B>- morrow, or lire till next yew, — ^^M 

Bill H-berever they liie, or whenever they die, ^^^H 

Tlie Whtn.-4he Wbcn.-ind Itis Iloir.— at Ike aDccEOltat 
ti«rrtllve apTAk firr tbriDBClveL II may be pmiVT. liuvrrfr, la 
iitwrvf. tbat the rains bert ■Ilddr4 te, otid imprvpFrlr fna-O 
Kulgiiti TriopUn. illnata neu- SwrnScId. Swlnketli'ld. or. •• It 
Ii luiw ftenrrslly B|ic1t sod prQDOuarFd, Bwlu^old Vlnul^ a 
niugb I'MS ot oimniDa loBif Bon nniluDDlng the T'"™" oT 
[cncruiiin'.tndadlulnlu the woods and *n£bi lands i>< Topplnt^ 

Zmu^t,itn Vltidui" ot wUrfi ihe ilmt-wum ».ii. m^,. 


rSMfn. the 'SnugEiTT'et TtnpidgtDB— OnnJiiapa In ■< 
iKclinl ant^wmri sltow-chalr "* ' — '— ' 

inli»tf pti'rs a* '(wMdllBg.' 

uu-lde OD a <t*Ikina-Mlck, nith Imrot-eiirlc suuuchkish 

• pheuBin's toll pbiacd id hit cap. •olmib blOKlf 

imillil qmric.— Ronleilij'sitnlnof tnrpssilr--" 


C10ME Lithw, come hither, my Ultlc boy Ucdt 
; Come hitber unto my knee — 
.' [ I'.innot away with that horrible din, 
' Tliat sixpenny drum, and that trumpet of 
f Oh, belter to wander fnmk and (ree, 
Through the Fair of good Saint Bartlemy, 
'Than fist to such awful minstrclsie. 
Now lav, little Ned, those nuisances by. 
And I'0 rede ye a lay of Orommarye, 
^lirtnJpafisrlvthiyswnBtfa like thecrsler DTsd I _ _ 

pran«it«lh slon-lj id IIh ulndon, iiid tiiai>n>tililuth IM 
Aubey In the dlitance.] 
I love Ihr tower. Grey Rnin, 
I joy thy form to see. 
Though reft of all. Cell, cloister, and b^lt 
clothing is left save a tattering wall 
That, aivlullr grand and darkly dull. 
Tfareatcn'd to bll and demolish my tkull, 
Aj, ages ago, I wander'd along 
Careless thy grass-grown court* among. 
In iky-blne jacket, nnd tnusert laced, 
The laitec Dncommonly short in the waist 
Thou art dearer to me, thon ruin my, 
Thon Ihe Squire's verolMlDh over tne way ; 
And tolrer, 1 ween. The ity sheen 
That thy mouldering turret binds. 
Tliun llic Alderman's house aliout half a mile oft, 

Wilb the green Venetian blinds. 
Full many a tnle would my Orandam tell. 

In many a bygone day, 
or darksome dL-eds, which of old befell 

In thee, thoo Boin greyl 
And I the leodicst ear would lend, 
AuJ stare like frightened pig I 
While my Grandfather's hair would hare stood upon end, 

Bod be not worn a wig. 
One tale I remember of mickle dread — 
Now lithe and listen, my little boy Nod 1 

Thon mavest have road, my little bov Ned, 

Though thy mother tbine idlesse biamos, 
Tn Doctor Ooldsmith'i history book, 

0( a gentleman call'd King Jomn, 
Id quilted doublet, and great trunk breeotiM, 
Wbo held in abhorrence Tobacco and Wilchec 
Well,— in King James's gulden days,- 

For Ihe days were golden then, — 
TbKv could not he less, for guud Queen Bees 

Had died, aged threescore and ten. 

And her days we know. Were all of tbem so ! 
While the Court poola sunc. and the Court gillantt 
Tliat Ihe dayi were •■ golden (till at before. [sworn 
Some pn>p!o, 'tis tme. « IroublcBmie few. 

Who hlsfi^tcal points would nnsetlle. 
tlsve lately thrown out d sort ot a dnnbt 

Of the genuine ting of the metal ; 
But wlm fun beliovo to a monarch to wise 

' P»oiil« would data tell aMiulof liMt 


— Well, then, in good King Jamea's diys, — 

Golden or not does not uiBttei & jot. — 

Ton Kuin & HiH of « root hmd got ; 

For Ihongh. iep»in> iKking.itBWilU had been cracking 

Since nvr; tha Eighth KOt Jti people a-p&cking. 

Though joists, und fioon, And wiiidoit9,utd doors 
Hod all disappear'd, jct pillurs by scores 
Bemain'd, and still propp'd np a ceiling ot two, 
While the belfiy wis almost as good as new ; 
You Bjc nut to loppoee matters look'd jnst so 
Id the Kuin some tivo bundled jeus ago. 
Just in the fartheimosl 
There ore still the rema 
One turret especiaJlj high 

igle, wher 

n-inding- stair. 

Bowing, in ruin had slrew'd the ground. 
Alone itBlood,%bile its follows lay stiow'd, 
Like a four-holtlo man in a campnaj • Mtew'd,' 
Not firm on his ieg«, bnt b; no means lubdued. 

One night — 'twas in Sixtefrn hundred and six,— 
I like when I can, Ned, the date to lii, 

The month was May, Though 1 can"! well 
At this distance of time the p*rticular day — 
Bui. oh 1 that Digbt, that horrible night I 
—Folks met afterwudi aid with affright 
rible 9 

That Ihej m 

a tenible sight. 

The Sun hiJ gone down fiery red ; 

And if, that evening, be laid his head 

In Tbetis't lap beneutb tbe uas. 

He mujt have scalded tbe gnddcae's knees. 

Uc kft behind him a iuiid tivek 

Of bluod-ifd light upon doads ao black, 

That Wantm aud Hunt, with Ui« whole of Ihelr ci 

CuulJ scarcely hare given them a diirkci bue. 

There came a shrill and a whistling sound, 

AbUTC, beoealh, beside, and amnnd. 

Vet iMf' ne'er moved on tree 1 
So that some people thought old Be«l>obub in 

e twen lock'dout-of-dows,DiidwaE blowiti^tbedalk ^'Tit 

lift . 

From the pipe of bis slreet-dooT key. 
And then a hollow moanius blast ^ 

Came, lonnding more diamdly still than the Iwh ^^ 
And tha lightning fli^'d, and the Ihuoder gn>vA'itUI 
And loader and louder the -tempeet boHl'd, [stoggWll 
Add the Mjn com* down tn such sheets a* v~~~" 
Bard for a siinile abort of Kiagaru. 
Bob Oilpin • «H a citiien-,' 

Of no great ' credit ' in bn own, 

Or any other 1o«ti. 
He was a wild and roving lad, 

For ever io lh« alehontie hewing ; 
Or romping,— which is qnite n bftd, — 

Wi!h (eniflle friends of bis own choosing. 
And Rub this very day hod m>de, 

Not dreaming tuch a ftorm wu brewing. 
An a&signiition with Miss SUde, — 

'^heir trysting- place that tame gray Ruin. 

Gertrude Slade became afraid, 
And to keep her appointment unwilling, 
'hen she spied tbe rain on ber window-pano 
la drops aa big as a shiUing ; 
' ijiut oS ber bat and ber mantle again, 
' iieil never expect me in oil this min I ' 
Bat little be reeks of the fcan of the sex. 

Or that maiden false to her tryst could ho. 
He bod ttood there a good half hour, 
Ere yet had cMmnene«d that peiilouj shower. 
Alone by the trysting-treo ! 
Ttobtn look*, Bobia looks west. 
But he seoa not her whom he lovea the best : 
Rubin tooka up, and Robin looks down, 
But DO one cumca fi\un the neighbouring town. 
Tlio ftonn came at tail, — load roar'd the blast. 
And tbe sliiula of evening fell thick ud faat ; 
d the Btmggling yew, 
I tret through and throu^ 
IS half dead with cold and with fright. 
When be ipies in the Ruins a twinkling light — 
A hop, two skips, and • jninp. and ttraight 
ttob standi witbin that poatom gate. 
And there were gojsipa sitting there, 
By oue, by two, by three : 
Two were an old ai-fawtfdpdf = 

But the third w»» joong. and passing lair. 
With laughing eyea, aud witb coal-black hair; 

A daintie qaeiui was she I 
__Db would have given his eors to sip 
But a single salute from her cbcnj lip. 

1 that old and baunlsd room, 
hand was a huge birch broom. 
Oh each one's hmd was a steeple -crovra'd bat, 
On each one's knee was a coal-black cat ; 
Each had a kirUe cl Lincoln green — 

f traisome scene. 
Now riddle we, riddle me right, Madge Gray. 
What loot unhallowed wends this way ? 
Goody Price, Goodv Price, now areed me ri^'bl. 
Who rooms tlie old Buins this diciuysomc night ? 
Then up and spake that sonsie qnean, 
And she spake both lend and clear: 
Oh, be it tor weal, or be it tor woe, 
Enter friend, or enter foe, 

Bob Gilpin is welcome here ! — 
Now tread WB a measure 1 ahalll a hall I 
Now tread we a measure," guoth she — 

The heart of Robin Boat thick and throbbing — 
Roving Bub, thread a mcaaure with nic I ' 
y, lasaio t ' quoth Boh, us her hand be gripes, 
iiough Satan himself were blowing the pipes '. ' 
<v aioond they go, and around, and aronnd, 
Witb bop-ikip-and-jnmp, and frolicume bound, [ing, 
Sncn sailing and gliding. Such onking and stid- 
Bucb lofty cttpretting, And grand pirouetting ; 
Ned, ron would swcbt that Moosienr Gilbert 
Aud Miss Toglioni were capering there I 
And, oh I such awful music ! ne'er 

uncanny on mortal ear. 
There were the tones of a dying man's groans 
Mix'd with the rattling of dead men's bones : [squeaks, 
tlod yon hoard the sticks, and tho ajoeals, and the 
'" 'd not have forgotten tho sound for woeki. 
And around, and around, and around they go, 
Heel to heel, and loe lo too. 
Prance and cnjier, ciui'et and wheel, 
id heel to heel- 

is nieny, Cnmmen, I trow. 


Tp laaetj thus beneath the nightshade bough 1 ' — 

Vgjody Price, Goody Price, now riddle ma right, 

jn&re may weenptliii frolicsome night? * 

Vlfitie hml of tbe Dragon hath mutton and veal ! 

Tho Squire hath partridge, and widgeon, and leal t 

But oM Sir 'Thopai hath daintier cheer, 

A posty made of the good red deer, 

A bngo grouse pic. and a fine Ploreutine, 

A tat rooit goose, and a turkey aud chine.' 

— -Madge Gray, Madge Gray, 

Now tell me, I pray, 

Where's the best waatoil bowl lo our roundelay ? ' 

— ■ There is ale in tbe cellars of Tapttington Unll. 

But tbe Souire * is a churl, and his drink is suioll ; 

Mine liiffit of the Dragon Uath many a fiagou 
Of double ale, lambs' wool, and uu da vie. 

But Sir Tho^,thB Vicar, UatheosUierliquor,- 
A butt of Ibe choicest Matvo!§le. 

He doth not lock Canary or sack ; 
And a good pint atoup of CUnr wine 
Snuicb merrily off nitb a torkey and chine ! ' 
Now away ! and away 1 wllhout delay. 

Goody Price Mounts is 
tn showing her legs ibo is not over nioc : 

Old ^»dy Jonoi, All skin and bono. 
Follows ' like winking.* — Away go the crones, 
Kncra and now in a tine with tbe toes. 
Sitting their brooms tike so ouuiy Ducrows ; 

I«t«t and last Tbe damsel pasa'd. 
One glance of her coat-black eye she cast ; 
She jaoghed with glee toud laugbters three. 
■ Dcet few. Bob OUpin, to ride with me ? ' 
Oh, never might man uuscatli'd «9py 
One single glance from that coal -buck eye. 
— Away die flew I — Without more ado 
Bob seize" and mounts on a tiroomstick too, 
' Bar up tbe chimney, lass I Bey, after yon '. ' 
It's a very fine thing, on a fine day in June, 
To ride through the air in a Nassau Balloon ; 
8uph«i iDfAldiby. 

and SB 

iioi«d'T1i« NUafSTi],' KCfiod nuati 
J 1 uc IB.! rAr ail<^' (Vlaluilan ot Krol, iHb. 
of hia mordrr b^ borgLan, and tbcir f abw^oen 

But yon 11 Snd vei; aoon, if you aim at the Moon 
eairiage like that, you're a bit of a ' Spoon,' 
For the largest can't fly Above twenty miles hi 
you're not Half way then on your joume)', nor - '' 
Willie no man alive Coold ever contrive, 
Hr Green has declared, to get higher than five. 
And the soondcst Plulomphen hold that, perhaps. 
If yoH rettch'd twenty miles your boUooa would colba 

Or pais by such action The sphera o( attroctifl 
Getting mto the track of some conict— Good-Uck I 1 
Tia a thousand lo one that you'd never come bock ; 
And the l>oldcst oC mortals a danger like that mu 
Rashly protruding beyond our own atmosphere. 
- - n)u!a 1 try A trip to the Ay, 

.„ tliat thing ot yours, Mr Ore, [Bm 

Though Messieurs Monck Mason, and Spencer, i 
All join in saying it travids su easily. 

No ; there's nothing so gvoit As a pony ot wood — 
Not like that which, uf Inte. tliey stuck up on the gate 
At the end of tha Park, which caused so much demte, 
And gave so much trouble to make it stand straight, — 
"jt a regular Broomstick — you'll find that the 

Above all, when, like Robin, you havent to pay for it 

— Stay — really I dread — 1 am losing the thread 
Of my tale ; and ItV tunit you should be in your bed, 
So Ltbe now, and listen, my little boy Ned I 

The Vicarage walla arc lofty and thick, 
And tbe copings am stone, and the sides are brick ; 
The casemenls are narrow, and bolted and bair'd, 
And tbe stout oak door is heavy and hard ; 
Moreover, by way of additional guard, 
A great big dog runs loose in the yard. 
And a bom-shoe is nail'd on the threshold sUl, — 
To keep out sught that savours of ill,— 
But alack I the chimney-pot^ open still ! 
— That great big dog begins to quail. 
Between his bind-legs be drops bis tail. 
Ccnaeh'd on the ground, tbe terrified hound 
Gives vent to a very odd sort of a souad ; 
It 13 not a bark, loud, open, and tree. 
As on honest old watch-dog'a bark should be ; 
It is nut a yelp, it is not a growl. 
But a something btitween a whine and a bowl. 
And, hark 1 — a sound from the window high 
Responds to the watch-dog's pitiful cry : 
it is Dot a moan. It is not a groan : 
It comos tram a nose, — but is not what a nose 
Produces in healthy and sound ri^iose. 
Yet Sir Thopas the vicar is fast asleep. 
And his respiruCions aro heavy and de^p I 

As he's aye been occostom'd to tnorc before, 
And as men of his kidney are wont to tnorn ; — 
(Sir Tbopaa's weight is a'ixlecn stone tour ;) 
lie draws his breath like « man diotrea'd 
By pain oi 
" igiY oia iDCUui* perr 

Aud thrice on his ear, distinct and clear. 
Foils a voice *• of somebody whispering near 
In still small accents, faint and few, 
Hey down the chioiuoy-pot I — Hey after yon 1 
Throughout the Viciinige, near anil tar, 
Tbereis no hick of bolt or of lar; 

Tbere are plenty of locks "ro closet and box, 
Yet the pantij wicket it slauiling ajar I 
And the little low door, through which you must go, 
Down some half-doun sic|&, to the cellar below. 
Is also unfasten'd. (hough no one nwy know, 
10 much OS a guiH. bow it comm to be so ; 
For wickut and door. The evening before. 
Were both of them lock'd, and the key safely placed 
On ttio bunch that hangs iova from the Honsekeeper'I 

Ob 1 twu) o jovial sight to view 

In that snug little Mlliir lluil [rolicaoms crew 1 — 
Old Goo-lr Price lUd got samething nice, 

A turkey-poult Inided with bacon and spice; — [bonea, 
Old Goody Jones Would touch nought that bad 
might fust as well mumlde a pareel of stones. 

Goody Jonea, in sootb. bud got aovor a tooth. 

And a New-College poilding of moirow and plunw . 

Is tbe dish ot all lAheta that soilAlh her gi ~~ 

Was fix'd on Bob Oilpin himself, sitting by 
With his heart fall of love, snd his mouth tollof 

OroDM pie. with hare In th' 
Which, duly coneodtd with 
Doctor " '-'■-- 



li Open and ita»^^| 
d fix'd, all IhelM^^ 

And a tenderer leveret Robiu had novpr tie ; 
So, in alia time*, oft ha wu wout W nssei oralo, 
' Naw picJeo we tie wiop-tap I— • healtli !— a health ! 
Sweet ate tlie plnsuron oblnin'il by iti^ntth 1 
Till Dp ! fill up r— the brini of Ule cup 
h the pirt that aye holdetb the toottiWnest tap '. 
Hare's to Ihee, Oooiy Price 1 — Goody Jono*, lo thee ! — 
To thee, Boring Rob t and again to me 1 
Many » «ip, never s slip 
C-ime la us four twist thn cup and the lip !' 
The caps puss quick, The toasts By thick, 
Rob tliea in vain oat their meaning to pirk, [' Nick.' 
But hean the words 'Sctatch.' ood ■Old Bogey,' and 

More Eamillar grown, Now he stands np alone, 
Volanl«erinK to gi'e them a ton*! of his own. 

■ A bumper of wine I Fill tbinc I Fill mine ! 
Hate') a healUi to old Mooh whoplnat aI the Vine T [ing, 

Ob, tliea n-hit sneeiing. What coaghlugaod wGeei- 
Buued in a way that na» not anrr pleasing ; 
Goody Price, Goody Jonea, and the pretty Jtladge Gray, 
AH wem'd as their liquor had gone tho wrong nay. 
But the b«t of the jAo was, the moment he spoki; 
Thoie words which the party seern'rl almost to choke. 
As by menliODing Noah some spell had b«en broke, 
Every aoul in the house at that instant awoke 1 
And, bearing the din from barrel and binn. 
Drew tX once the conclusion that lbiev(« hod got in. 

Up lomp'd tho QaideDer and ihoulJer'd his spade ; 
Up jnmp'J the Scallion, — tho Footman, — tho Moid [ 
(Tho two last, by tho way, occasioned some scandal, 
Hi appearing togother with only one candle. 
Which gave (or unpleasaut surmises some handle :) 
Up jump'd the Swineherd, — and up jumn'dthe bigbov, 
A noade«fipt under him, acting as Fig-boy ; 
Butler, Housekeeper, Coachman— from bollora to top 
E»OTbody jump'd up without parley or slop, [iron, — 
With the weapon which firat in their way ehanced tn 
'Whip, warming-paa, whig-block, mug, musket, and 

I^it o[ all doth appear, Wi 
Sir Thopas in person to bring up i 
In a mix'd kind of costume half^f 

With some symptoms i 
J up the rear. 

. ,M Poitmaiianu, 

Ualf what schak.-s denominate Pare f/ahiratibm ; 

Nny, the truth to express, As yonll easily guess. 
They have none of them time to attend much to dtcss ; 

But Ue, or Sbe, As the case nuty be, 
He or She seizes what He or Sbe ploawe, 
I'tuuk-hosen or kirtlea, and ihirls or ehemises. 
And thus one and all, great and small, short and toll, 
Muster at once in the Vicarage hall, 
With uiotandiDg lucks, starting eyes, ihorten'd breath, 
Like the folks ia the Oalleiy Scene in Macbeth, 
When Macduff is announcing their Sovereign's death. 
And hark t — what accents clear and strong. 
To the listoniag throng came Boating along I 
"Tia Bobin encoring himself in a song — 

' Very good song 1 very well sung 1 

Jolly companion) eve^ one 1 ' 
On, on to the celhtf I away I away I 
On, ou to the cellar without more delay t 
■The wholu ]KM>e nab onwnrds in battle-array — 
Conceive the disiiM of the party so gay, 
Old Goody Jones, Goody Price, and Madge Gray, 
When the door burrting wide, they docried the allied 
Troops, prepared for the onslaught, roll in like a tide. 
And the spits, and the tongs, and the poken beside I— 
'Boot and saddlo'a the wonlt nioant, Commen, end 

1 Alarm was ne'er caused more strong and indigenous 
hB/ cat among rats, or a bawk in n pigeon-house ; 
Quick from the view Away thev all Hpw, 
ffith a Tell, and a screech, and a batlibnlloo, 
[Mley up the chimney I Hoy after you 1 '— 
nThfi Volsciuts themselves made an exit leas speedy 
" ~ in Corioli, ' flulter'd like doves ' by Macmuly. 
They are gone — save one, Bobin alone I 
obin, wliaae high state of eiviliiation 
eeludea all idea of aerostation ; 
And who now has no notion Of more locomotion 
— -jta lufEnes to kick, niUi much ml and devotion, 
KUght and left at the psj'ty. who pounced on their victinL, 
i. AM nuul'd him, and kick'd bim, and lick'd him, and 
priek'd bini. 
As they bore him awny sciwe aware what wna done, 
And beliorine it all bat a part M the (an, 
IIic— hlccooghing oBt the same strain he'd beg-in. 
' Jol— jolty cojnpanions every one ! ' 

lloniins grey Scarce bunts into day 
^h^ ^ Tsp^^sfa HaU Ihfire^ the deuce to pny \ 

In the old oak-porlour, and in and out 

Domestics and neighbours, a motley rout. 

Are walking, and whiiperi/'g. and standing nboat : 

And the Sinire is there In his large orm-chwr. 
Leaning back with a grave magisterial air; 

In the front of a teat a Huge volume, called Fleta, 
And Bnicton, a toine of an old-fashioned look, 
And Coke upon LytMtaa, then a new book ; 

And he moistens his lips With occasional aips 
From a luscious sack-poaset [hat smiles in a tmkiinl 
Close by on a siJe-tntilc — not that ho drank hard, 

But because at that day, I hardly need say. 
The Houg Merchants had not yet invented How Qua, 
Nor as yet n'ould yon see Souchong or Bohea 
At the tables of persons of any degree : 
How OUT ancestors managed to do without tea 
I most fairly confess is a mvsleiy to me ; 
Lydgates and Chaaeers 


Their breidtfast, in fact, and tho best they could get, 
Was a sort of a ^^Jtuaer i la fotirehctle ; 

Instead of our sloiw They hud cutlets and chops. 
And sack -possets, and ah in stoups, tankards, and pots ; 
And they wound up the meal with rumpsteaks and 

Now the Souire lifts his band With 

an air of coniuumd. 

□d gives them a sign, ivliich they all 


To bring in the culprit ; and straightway 

the carter [martyr 

And huntsman drag in that unfortunate 

Still kicking, and crying, 'Come, — what 

The charge is prepared, and the evidi'acc 
' He was caught in tlte cellar a drinking 
the beer! [lo fear. 

And come there, thcre'i very great teosun 
With companions, — to my but the least of i 
them, — <]ocer, 
finch OS Witches, and creatures 
With horrible (caturca. 
And horrible grin.s. 
And hook'd notes and chlni. 
Who'd been phiying the deuoo with his 
Bevereacc's hinns.' [graver. 

The (ace of his wonhip grows graver and 
As th° parties detail Robin's shuneCul be- 
hnvionr; [reciting. 

Mister Buuord. the clerk, while tJie tale is 
Sits down to reduce the affair into writing. 
With all proper diction, 
And due ' legal fiction :' 
Vis. : ' That he the said prisoner, as clearly 
was shon-n, [known. 

Conspiring with folks lo deponents uq- 
Wilh divers, that is to say, two thousand 

In two thousand hats, each hat peak'd like a 

Through the mystiGed group. 
With a halloo and a whoop. 
Madge on the ponunel. and Robn 
The pair through the air ride as if io 
iVhilc the party below stand month open 
Clean bnmbaiied ' and amnxrd, and fix'd, all tt 

Oh '. what's gone with Robin, — and Madge, — and tha 
broomstick ? ' 

s' indeed. Ned? — of wL ". _J..l 

'er heard tell : 
But itobin was found, that mom, on the ground, 
In yon old grey Buin again, safe and souiLd, 
Except that at first be compluin'd innCh of thirst. 
And a shocking bod headadie, of all ills the woi rt. 

And close by his knee A Sask you might M^^^H 
But an empty one, smelling of enu de tU. ^^^^M 

Rob from this hoar is an alter'd man ; ^^^H 

He Tons home to his lodgings as lost as he can, ^^^H 

Sticks (0 his trade. N^rrlea Miss ^lode. 
Becomes a Tee -totaller— -that is the same 
As Tee-tota!lors now, one in all but the name : 
Grows fond of Small-beer, which is always a stead/ sign, 
Neier drinks spirits except as a medicine ; 

With force and with arms. 
And with sorcery and charms, 
Upon two thousand biODms; 
Gnler'd four thousand rooms. 
To wit, two thonund pantries and two thousand cellars, 
Put in bodily lear twenty thousand in-dwellen, 
And with sundry — that is to say, two thousand — forks. 
Drew divers — that Is lo say, ten thousand — corks, 
And. with maUee prepense, down their two thousand 

throttles ■ 

Emptied various — that is to say, ten thousand — bottles ; 
Alt in breach of Ihe peace, — moved by Satan's ma- 
lignity— [Dignily." 
And iu .<:pite of King James, and his Crown and his 

At words 80 profound Rob gues around. 
But no glauCB sympathetic to cheer him is found. 

—No glance, did I say 7 Tea, oue!— Madge 
Gray !— 
She is there in the niidst of the crowd slooding hy. 
And she gives him one glance from her coal-black eye, 
Oue loach to his hand, and one word to his ear, — 
(That's aline whichl'vestolenfrcimSir Walter, I fear,) — 

Whilv nobodv near Seems to see her or hear ; 
As his worship taken up. and surreys, with a strict eye, 
Tlie broom now produced as the eorjitta delivti, [grasp. 

Ere hii fingeis can clasp, It is snatched from his 
The end poked mhls chest with a force makes him gasp. 
And, despite the decorum so due to the Quorum, 
His worship's upset, and lo too ii his jorum ; 
And Hadge is astride an the broomstick before 'em. 
' ifomts Ponit ! Quick, Praia ! and Ilry CoekalomM t 
Mount, mount for yourlifo.Rob!— Sir Juilien. adieu! — 
— Hqy^ tlMcUiBMy-fotl hcjr attn yvn 1' 

Learn' to despise Cool- 
Minds pretty gii' " 
Has a family, 1j' 

t so manV Q 
bo sixty, and diesl 

Now, mr little boy, Ned, Brash off to your bi 
_ . s your nightcap on safe, or a napkin instead. 
Or these terrible nights, youTI catch cold in your hMd. 
And remember mf tale, and the moral it teaches. 
Which Tonll find much the same as what Solomon 
preacfics; [speeches; 

Dwi't flirt witli yoilQg ladies I don't practise aufl 
Avoid waltis, qnadnlles, pumps, silk hose and knee* 

Frequent not grey Ruins, — shun riot and revelry. 
Hocus Pocus, and Conjurmg and all sorts at d< "'" 
Don't meddle with broomsliclD, — they're "^ 

Of cellars keep clear, — they're the devil's e 
And beware ol bulls, banqueting«, 
Above all ! don't run after Mack eyes !— if yoain 

Depend on't you'll Hud what 1 say wi" - — 

me fine morning, will ' bt 


Nick, s 

le fine morning, will ' bey ktter yi 

blt»t, a ain of Uit Umlly. to tht Iloml* UUh. and ■■■ 
edooaled at DoooHijt tbe Ctinrch, B™U«IhiiHi«>i«crlK"o»» 

OD Ihe Bi«D!^ton bHlvMn Um I'lpol Ulwuvli; lod Un Mui rf 


onl of ibe Aei* »g»iMi Uie PipliU. ifsmi* mim-lnieniltiii ul il 
UoHB DMrHsr'i cIhp 1 >I SnmcnM Uobr, ud (i^viid > nna 
ptiuI'muiUl bla dtujLvktch Uek plua lu Uk iluM r"'' ' 
QUHD Add* (ll^)' •'»•■"*>■" ■C'^'^'fT'*'*' H'<™*° 
fotlflinlBBf m»t iHTsliw aod pMj.but Ima U» >IUI >" 
uilqiuud ptaniKDlDBr vDleh to mtspMd, I ton UKiagbi 

BKCOVT U BoduillK II ■ lllltl : UK* "111 WMUOI f»r «tUI 

■auIinnlnuUiit torenumlitililrcrn* tn; lb« ivMuih i 
Ul oimllKH hu, luivxcr. IbniDKlKinl Wn •Irkllx xOirrcJ >< 


VAluEt, « pririli>.irt 4 

^K^ffnUE JmIhIbb- Silt OD Uie Cardiiwl'i chkir ! 
^^RfaL Buibop uiil abbot ind priorifere there; 
Pfv Many 1 monk, sad iiun; ■ ii.i, 
' • Man; > knight, utd manj a iquirp. 

With 1 griMit niauy more of loeer dcgret, — 
In lootb a goodlr caiapui; ; 
And they serv^ the Lord PrimiitB od hcniU'J kuci 

NcTcr, I weca, W« a prouder ncn, 
Bead of in bookt. or dreatiit ol in dreams. 
Than the Cnidinid Lord Archbishop of Bheiuis ! 

In aod out Through the motlej rout, 
That liltle Jackdaw kept hopping about ; 

Here and there Like a aaf, in i Ua. 

<J\er CQDlGli and cakes. Ami diblies >md platr 
Cowl and copp, and rochet and pall, 
Mitic and crwier 1 he hopp'd npon all ! 

With Biiuej' air, He perch'd on the chair 

Whore, in rtate, the grcal Lord Cardinal snt 
In tlie g;r«at Lord Cardioal'* great red but : 

And ho peer'd iii tho face Of his Lordship's Gnu 
With a Mtisned look, u if be would saj, 
' We two are the greutest folks here to-du; '. ' 

And the priests with awe, As such (renks th<7 in 
Said, * Tbe Devil must be in that little Juckdaw ! ' 
The fMst was ovei, tbe board wai elcsr'd 
Th« flawM and (he euctards had all disnppear'il, 
And vx little Singmg-bo^,— dear little soub ! 
lu nice clean facH, and nice white itolcs, 

Came, in order due, Two by two. 
Ktnrchlug that grand refectory through I 
A nice bttle bor held a goldcu ewer, 
Knib<s8'd and nll'd with water, >a pure 
As OUT (hat flows between Rheima and K^iiiiur, 
Which a nice little boj stood ready to cdch 
In a fine golden hand-basin mads to match. 
Two nice little boy*, rather more gron*n. 
Carried lavender-water, and ean de Cologne ; 
And a nice little boy had ■ nice cake o( soap. 
Worthy of washing lbs bands of the Pope. 

One little boy more A nitpkin bore. 
Of the best white diiipT, (nnjjeil with I'iiifc, 
And a CardiiuJ'n Ilul iiiark'd m ' perauaent ink.' 
The great Lord Cwdinul lums nt the sight 
Of these nice little boys drcas'd all in while : 

From bis flnger he draws His e<etly luj'cjuoiw: 
And. not thinking at all about little Jackdaws, 

Depieiti it itraight By the side of his plate. 
While the nice little boyi on his Eminence wait ; 
Till, nhen Dobody's dreaming of any socli Ihing, 
That little Jackdaw hops ofl with the ring I 

Thcre'a B cry and a shoal. And a deoce of a rout. 
And nobody aoems to know what they're about, 
But the Diunks hare their pockets all tarn d inside out i 

The friars are kneeling, And hunting, ami feeling 
Tbe carpel, the floor, and the walls, and the ceiling 

The Cardinal drew Off eacn p)um-colour'd shoe. 
And left his red stockings exposed to the view ; 

tte peep», and he feels In the toei and the heels ; 
TTiey lum up the dishes, — they turn up the plotts, — 
They take up the poker and poke out Ihc gmte*. 

— They lorn np the Toga, They eiainiuo Ihc 

Bot, Bi)!— no such thing;— They can 'I find tiik 
And Ihe Abbot decUred ihat, ' when nobody Iwigu'd it, 
Seme rascal or other had popp'd in, and prigg'd it I ' 
Tbe Cardinal rose with a dicnifled look. 
Ha eali'd tor hit eandlt, his bell, and bu book ! 

Bholy aneer, and pious grief, 
•demn^ cursed that nweally thief 1 
cmwd hiiii at IxMcd, b« cntied him in bed : 
ID tbe wlc of hix fuct to the cruwn of his bead ; 

He cnrscd him in sleeping, that every night 
He should dreun of the devil, and wake in a fright ; 
He cursed him in rating, he cuncil him in drinking 
He cursed him in coughing, in sneezing, in wiokiog 
He CDDed him in siUmg, in standing, m lying; 
He curbed him in walkm^, in riding, in fiying. 
Ho cursed bim in living, he cursed him in dying! — 
Never was heard snch a lerrible luree ! 

But what gave rise To no liltle surprise, 
Nobody secm'd one peon? the woiie I 

TTie day was gone. The night eame on. 
The Monks and the Friars they sBarch'd till dawn ; 
When Uie Sacristan saw. On crumpled elaw, 
Come limping a poor liltle lame Jackdaw ; 

No longer gay. As on yesterday ; 
Hii fonthen all teem'd to l>o tam'd the utong way ; — 
His pinions droop'd — he eoold hardly stand, — 
His head was as bald as the palm of yonr hand : 

His eye so dim. So wusted each limb, [tiih ! — 
Thst, heedlesj of grammar, they all cried, ' That's 
That's the scamp that has done this scandalous thing t 
ThatV Ihe thief that has got niy Lord Cardinal's Ringl ' 
The poor little Jackdaw, When the monks he saw. 
Feebly gave vent to tbe ghost of a caw : 
And tnm'd his bald bead, as much as (o say, 
PtuT be so good as to walk this way I ' 

Slower and slower, He limp'd on before. 
Till they came to the back of the belfry door. 
When the lirct thing ihey sow. 
Midst the slicks and the stmw. 
Was the msa in the nest of Uial Ultlc Jackdaw I 

Tlien Ihe great hoii Cardinal call'd for bis book, 
And oS that terrible cunc be took ; 

The male exprenion Serrcd in lieu of contestion. 
And, being thus coupled with full rivtitutjoa, 
'{"he Jackdaw Kot plenary absolution I [bird 

— When Ihose words wore heard. That poor liitlc 
Was'so changed in a moment, 'twas really absurd. 

Me grew sleek, and fat ; In addition to that, 
A fresh civp ol feathcn came thick as a mat ! 

His tail wftggled more E^'eD than before ; 
But no longer it wafcg'd with an impudent air. 
No longer ho perch'd on the Cwdinal's eli^. 

He hopp'd now about With a gait devout ; 
At Matins, at Vetpert, he ncrer was out ; 
And. so far fmin any more pilfering deeds. 
He always seem'd telling tbe Coofescor's bcsrds. 
If any one lied, — or if any one swore, — 
Or slmuber'd in pnyer-tiioe and happen'd to snore, 

That ga-i Jackdaw Would give a great ■ Cuw,' 
As much as to say, • Don'l do so any more I ' 
While many temark'd. as his manneia they saw. 
That Ihey ' never had known loch a piODs JarJidaw ! ' 

lit kng lL>«d the prde Of Ihat country side. 
And at lost m the odoar of laaclltj dieil ■ words were too faint, Ris ments to painL 

The Conchive dclerutined to make him a Saint I \M 

And on newly-made Saints and Fopes, as yon toow^^lj 

' Ttfii lwl)i tWai Cuitsian mna iami in m ini of 

n gglbsmylljn tnrtki isilt tli 

ST. DUNSTAN stood m his iricd tower, 
Alcmliir, crucible all were Iboro; 
When m come Nick tj play him a trick, 
In guise of a dumset passing fair. 
EvciToneknow^ How the rt 
Ho look np tbe tongs rnd eocght bold 
Btit I bej tbn! von wont for a momci ' 
That I mean to go through, in detaU, 
Eton' fli least as Irite us it's true ; 
^o^ do I intend An inalant In ^ 
On the tale, how be treated his monareh and (rieod. ^ 
When bolting away to a cbombei remote, 
'"" nceivably bored by his Wit en -gemote, [imol 
Edny left them all joking, And drinkinf, 
ifisily grand, they'd stand nonsense from nr 

feel taps 
Unless he came back straight and took off his beel- 
You must not be plagneil with tbe same stoiy twiei^ 
■ perhaps have seen this one, by W. DTce, 
he Royal Academy, very well done, 
murk'd to the cat^guo Foar, seven, One. 
might there view (he Saint, who in sable array'd' 
eing the monarch away from the Ladies ; 
right band has hold of his Majes^'s jerkin, 
left shows the dour, and he seems to cay, ' Sir King, 
Your moat faithful Commons won't hoar of your shirkingl 
Quit yonr tea, and return lo yonr Barclai and PerkjlL 
(>r, hy Jingo," ere morning, no longer alive, a 
" id victim youTl lie lo vour love for Elgiva 1 ' 
No farther lo Ireat f)[ this uugallaut leat. 
What I mean to do now is succinctly to paint 
One particular fact in the life of the Saint, 
"" ^ch, somehow, for want of due aare. 1 presume, 
escaped Ihe researches of Rapin and Dume, 
Econnting a miracle, both of them men who a 
Great deal fall short of Jacques, Bishop of Genoa, 
' n Historian who likes deeds like these to record— 
;e bi> Aurea LegenJa, by ESlgnkgn tit EKottlt. 
St. Dnnstan stood again in his tower, 

Alembic, crucible, all complete ; 
He had been stand in g a good naif -hour, 
And now he ntter'd the words of power, 
And call'd to his Broomstick to bring Lim a iirf 
The ■"■ords of power : — and what be they 
To which e'en Broomslicks bow and obey ? 
\\liy. — 'twere uncommonly bard (o aay, 
A', the prelate I named has recorded uono of them. 

What they may bo, But I know they are UirNk 
Aud ABKACADABBA, I take it, is one ofthem. 
Fur I'm told tbat most Cabalista use (hat identical 
Word, written tbns, in what Ihey call ' a Pcntacla 

ups , 




Iplim). ■oiwtlmn Bjlsl ■Vm 
laoluutitHi "T nuiiij' •ibililu^ 
It I>iind. M niuTdnl bt[Hriw 


Uuiverer th*t bo, Tmll donbtlas igrvv 
It «!(riiiii'* Utilo u rna or tp nw, 
\t Tiui hriQg doliblen in Onmmuj^t 
Kiill, ii uiusi bo coDfee'd. [ot • Saint to repeat 
Suih luiiijiiiige atood is»cBrcrl» dinflreet! 
Por. Of Siiloinon hinte to follu givcu to chatter, 
A 1)iril cit Ihe air tiuir curr)^ tho matter ; ' 

Ami 10 inothi Fmni ni; foutl). I rnnfni1i«r « 
Inii»toi on marh in mv rarlli't jt.-im, [truOi 

To wil, ■ LilUo PiUlitra Imva v«ir long enrs I ' 
^^ , Now, jUBt mch > ' Pilelicr * u tliutie I lilludo to 


^ oru 

Rro fcct one in his fa 
While the Saint thought bim ilceping, 
Wm listenioe and peeping. 

And ti'atclimg bit moaler the whole (ftemoan. 

'Bm Peter the Saint hwl pirk'd oul ttoin his Icllovs, 

To look to his fire, txud to blow with Ibo bclloiTE, 

T^ pot on the Wttll's-Enda uid Lanibtou! wbeneTGr I 

Chose to indulge in " liltlc otfiintie ; [lired 

— Of rOiuw fOD bai-e read. That St.Dnnstaa wc 
A GoldKniith, vaA avtei qmla gaie up the tnido 1 
The Ciimpujij — ricbjst id Loadiui, 'tis said — 
Acknnn-Iedj^ed him still aa their Patron and Head ; 

Soi a it BO lung Since i capital song 
Id bis pcxiie — now recorded their ]irchiTci among — 
Delighted Ibo nohle and dIgniRed throng 
Ofth^gneals. Hho,tho uewspiqiersEuIdtlieHhulotun] 
~Tith cbocts' plodgiid the wine cap to Dan<F(an'a rcnowD 
Hten Lord I.jndhunt,Tni: DrKE.ond Sir Robert, nei 
dining [Twining.- 

At the Hall aoroa time liniH: with the Puma Warden 
— 1 am saSly digressing — a fault trhicb sometim 
One can budlj' Aviwl in tbeio giflAiping rhj'mes- 
A clisbt diiviation'i lursivcn ! but tnca tbii it 
Too umg. I (ear, for a oocent pareuthe&in, 
" ni rein nn m/ Pegain* shurp. and retreat, 

I So 111 rein nn m/ PegMma shurp. and retreat, or 
.Tonll tlilttk No (orgotlm the tny-bt-ither Peler, 
L l^'hom the Saint, oj 1 uid, Keut to turn dour 
hi. bed, Robs,- 

f Dreu his pallref* and eob*. And do olher odil 
As Tcdneing to wrlline Whatever he wight, in 
"ibe courts of the da^ or the ni^ht, be inditing, 
'And claming the plate of bia mitre n-itb ivhituig; 
itnfonnmg, in thort, all thn^e dutjra and ofileu 
< Abboti exact tiutn Lvr-bnitber* and Xoviccs. 
It orcnn tn me brro Yenll perbops think It (jnrci 
3)wt St. thinslan ihonld hive tnch ■ peiKmngo ae^tr. 
When bn'd cmlj' to wr, 
» Tbnn worib, — be what iber may. — 
'^Bd hiE nnxnniticfc at onre bis coiiunands would obe;,— 
' That'* true — but the fact ii 'Ton* rarrlj hii prae- 
'AKh Aid In re«Mt to, or nieh means applr, [lire 

(bloM he'd nma ' dignified knot ' lo nntie. 
Adopting, though BomrlJinca. ivi now, be'd rcrerse it, 
OHlIornec'sniaxim'nec Bromaitieh ialtTtiC — 
— Peter, the Lijr-brulhcr, meagre and thin. 
Heard oJl the Sunt tvo) uring witliln ; 
Pctet. the Lliv -brother, mJiow and spare, 
Peep'd Ihrmith the kfj'- hole, snd — what saw he there?— 


What Shaki^eiire ohoen-w, in his piny of King John. 
Id ui.d.iubtedlj right. That ' .(fltinios tlio siL-ht 
01 mr'iMi t" do ill dL^as nil) iimkn il) dn>d« done.' 
lli.Te'! fMif. llii' Luv-hrndifr, (iiilo.raced and meagre. 

Bnlirnl; Inrni having ' tho mraui ' in hie 
31 doing a thing wluch boonghl not lodol 

Still ring! in his car. Distinct and clear, 
AbracadahiaT that word uf fear I 
And the two whifh I never vet bappen'd to honr. 

Still dulh he ipy, Willr Fancy'* ere. 
Vb* Brijiniiilirk at notk, and Iho Saint «l4adingbj-; 
And he churklm, ami •af* tn himtoK, with gleei 
' Aba! that Btouuutick iboil w»rk fur me." 

Haik !-)hia Kvell O'er flood and o'er Ml, 
M'UMlain, and dingle, and maH-eoTn'd dell 1 
Lout I^'lit Ifao unnd ul the Compline bell : 
And St. UunMan is gnittLne bU iviod cellj 

P<leT. I wot. Il oO like • ibol. 
Or a btllo das •ealded be ■mnething that'* hot. 
For be h«n hi* Miuter ippnacbing the (pot 
Whet* bo'd liilon'd u lung, tboogh be know be uii;;1it 


Peter temembci'd his Master's frown- 
He trembled — he'd not bnvo bi^en caught for a crown ; 

Uowe'er jna maj liugb He'd rather, bj half 
Hare run up to the top of tho tower and jnmp'd down. 

The Compline boor is past and gone. 
Evening serrioe is over und donol 

The monks repair To their tmnl fore, 
A mug little sapper of something light 
And digostible. ere they retire for Ihe night. 
For, in Saxon timos, tn respect of their ueer, 
St. AoiUn's rule was bj no means sorere, 
But allow'd, from the Beverlej Boll 'twould appear. 
Bread and cheese, and spring.>aions,aad sound lable-bcer. 
And even green peas when they wcro not too dear ; 
Not like t^ Bulo ot La Trappe, whose chief merit is 
Bud to c^msist in its greater anstcrities ; 
And wboee monks, if I rightlj ctanember their luws, 

Ne'er are mffor'd to spe^ Tliink only in Greek, 
And subsist, as the B«an do, by sucking their paws. 

Astonish'd I am Tho gay Baron Oeramb, 
With bis head BBv'ring more of tbe lion than Lamb, 
Could e'er be peisnadod to join snch a act— I 
Bitend the remark to Signor Ambrogotti. — 
For a monk of La Trappo is as thin as a rat, 
While an Austin Prior was jolly and fut ; 
Though, uf Bourse, the fare to which I allude, 
With OS good table-beer aa ever was brew'd, 
Wds bU ' caviare to the multitode,' 
Extending alone to the clergy, together in 
Hall assembled, and not tA Lay-brethren. 
St. Dunstan himself siti there at bis jiost. 

On what they aay a CoUed B Dais, 
O'crlooking the whole of hi* clerical hut. 
And eating poocb'd eggs w itb apiancb and toast ; 
Fiie Lay-brotheis stand behind b>» cliair. [^>'H£RB ? 
Bat whor« is tbe sixth?— Where's Peter?— Ay, 

Til an evenioe in June, And a little balf-moon, 

A bn^hter no fondlorer e»« set ei 

(Jleuning and beaming, Anii dancing the etreaa 
made her appearance above the horizor '- 

Just such a balf^moou us yon see, in^a play 


On the tuiban of Hustapha 51u1ev B<^, 

Or Ike fair Turk wbo weds with the ' Koblo Lord Batc- 

nuin;' [great man. 

T«Ie pUle la Oeesge Crnikshank's mi;inulrs of that 

She shines in a. tOitiit rcmolo and lone, 

A turret with ivy and moss oveigrown. 

And lichens that thtire on the Cold dojik stone; 

Sneh a lowtr as a poet of no moati ralibrs 

knew and lored, poor, deat Ri'ginald Heber, 
s to oblivion * — a den for a She b»ar ; 
''ithin it are found, Strcw'd above ami anHmd, 
On tbe bcaTth,on the table, tho abclvet.and the ground, 
ATI torts of instmmentf, all sorts of lOMS, 
To name which, and tbvir uses, voald pntilc the SchooU. 
And make very wise people look Terr like foab : 

Plncen aatf-tioMt, Ami Mnck'-letler books, 
All tort* a[ pokcn and all torts <i( tnngf. 
And all tons of haniinert. and nt! ihal belong* 
To OoLUmith's work, e lieiniFliT. olehyior^— all, 

lu Aort, that a Sage, la ihit orwrile age, 
Ogdd rmlre, was at hand, or at lent within call. 
In.the unkl of ihc roum lies a Brormstick !— and there 
ALay-UtOernh in a ruj>Ii-)).,tl<nn'd chair ! 
Abrneadahra, that fearful w»rd, 
And tho two whieh, I said, I biid never yet beard, 

Arc ntter'd.— 'Tis done I Peter, full of his fan, 
Cries, ' Broumslick I yoa lubberly son of a gnn ! 
Evintalc ! — bring a flagon — a hogfhead — a tnn 1 

*n» tbe same thing to yon; I have notbinf to do: 
And, 'fore Oeorge, III sit here, and 111 drink tlU alr^^ 

blue 1 ' 
No doubt yon'*e remnrk'd how nneonununly quick 
A Newfoondknd puppy runsaflftaltiek. 
Brings It bock to nis master, and gives it bim — Well, 

So potent the ipell, 
The Broomstick perceived it was vain to rebel, 
So ran ofl like that pnppy -.— some cellar was near. 
For in less than ten aeeonds Iwas back with the beerl 
Fetsr leiae* the flt^m ; but ere be can suck 
[Is oontents, or enjoy what he tbinks his good luck, 
Tbe Broomstiok comes in with a tab in a track \ 

Continues to rmt At tbe rate il begun, 
And. du pird de liUIn, next brinp in a ton 1 
A fresh one snoeeeds. then a third, then anoLher, 
Discomfiting much the astounded Lay-brolber ; 
Who, had ho paBsee'd fifty pitchers or stoops. 
They all had been tun few i l<>r, arranging in group* 
1'lie barrels, the Broumxlick nvxt ilarltd llw honin: 

• AndroktohilTtMbnlM ItHniln laid. 
K'.ti. hrr dauk «M( lieiiralli It' Ivj ih».li — PiiiwwK 

I'he ale delngod the floor. But, still tbrongh Iha 

Said Broomstick kept bolting, and br'uiging in mora 

E'en Macbeth to Macdufi 

H'oulfl have cried * Hold ! enough I ' 
If half as well diench'd with such 'periloui stuff,' 
And. Peter, who did not expect such a rongh visit. 
Cried lustily, ' Stop !— Tbot will do, Broomstick!— 
Safficil ! ' 

But ah, weU-a-day I Tbe Devil, they say, 

easier at all limes tu raise than to la^. 

Ag»n and again Peter ruor'd out in vain 
His Abncadabra, and t'other words twain : — 

As well might one try A pack in full cry 
To check, and call off from their headlong career. 
By bawling out > Toicks I ' with ono^ baud at one's eu 
Tbe Umger he roar'd, aad tbe loader and quicker. 
The faster the BriNnMick was bringing in Ui[ucji. 

The poor Lay-brother knew Hut on earth what 

mngUt hold of the Broomstick and snapt it in two. — 
WursB and worse I — Like a dart, Bacb port nude 

With Hodsun's polo ale, from the Bon ^«whonM, 

My memory to say what their i. ..._ , 

To be sure the best beer Of all did not appMr, 
I've said 'twas in June, and so lute in tbe year 
T!ie ' Trinity audit ale ' is nut cumo-at-able, 
-Ai I've found to my great griel when dining at Ui«t 

Xow extremely alarm'd, Pctor scrcam'd without ei 
For a flood ot brown stout he was up to hii kiiMa S 
Which, thanks to tbe Broomstick, ec 

Ho fcar'd he'd be drown'd, And he yell'd ti 

Of his 

wing'd by terror, at tojit reach'd Uks II 
01 St. Domtan himself, who had finish 'd hit b«lli 
And had put ofl his mill ■• 
And was just stepping k 

His noliniis; paused when be beard such a ckttq 
lie could not eoneeivo what ou earth was tht ~ 
Slipping on a few things for the sake lA ita 
lie issued forthwith from his Siiiielim Satielor. 
And calling a few of the LBy-br>>thcis near bin 
V/b'j were not yet in bed, and who hsppen*d fl 

At 01 
To tho to' 

Poor Peter ! — alas '. though St. Dunstan wi 
There were two there before bim — Grim 

Old Nick I— 
Wbca they open'd the door, out tbe malt-liqoorl OS when the great Vat burst in Tott'nliBm 

Tbe Lay-brothers nearest were np to their necka 
In an instant and striinming in strong doable X 
While, Peter, who, spite ol himself, now ' ' 

After Boating swhile, like a loast in a lonksid, 

Tu tho b'jtt'im had snnk. Andwasspiednj, 

Stone-dead, like JHior Clarence, balf-drgn-o'd " 

In vain did St Piinitan exclaim, ' Vade retro 
Slrnn'jtim-nm ! — (fineeJe a Lau-frntrt Petrol ' — 

Queer Latm, you'll say. That prefix of ' Laf,' 
And fJfroiifl'xwrHiu.'— lown Uier'd have called ma a 

blockhead if 
At school 1 hid veDturcd to u 
'Tis a barbarous wurd, and to rac it's 
If you'll find it in Patrick, Mmell, or Uorvri ; 
But. the Inct ia, the Saint w ', ". - 

And apt to be lucw) in his Lalin when bonleil; 1 
The bruwn-stiint, however, obeys to Uie ' " 
Quito as well as it talked to, in Latin a 

ByagravoCombridgoJohnian, OrnvrarOl 
Whcao Unguago, wo all koovt, is qnita CioertMli 
Il ictires from the corpse, whir.h is left bigb tat 
Bui in vain do they suufl and hot towel* apply. 
And other meooi usod by the faculty try , [said ] 

When oneo a mnn's dead Tiiero's no more In b> 
Peter's ' Beer with an « ' was his ' Bier wilb an it' 

Mod XI.. 
Bv m of i moral, penult mo to iimiin 
llie Wlowing maxims. — Beware Meava.dR)pp;u[ 



Is,^Keep elcM of 



r, OM Kick, and Oaec 

Then igain she began ■! the ' poor ileur' nun ; 

She pnw'd him to drink, ud f-be prcsa'd biui to ett. 
And the brooght a foot-pan. with hot water and bran, 

To comfort bis ' poor dear ' trsvel-woro feat. 


la 0o1d2initb'« H"li there's a bandfiomo gka-case, 
And in it a stoao tiguiRf foosd on the placo, 
Wbeo, (hinking the old UuU no longer a pka'smt one, 
Thej paii'd it all down and erected the present one. 
IE JOD look, TOnH perceire Ibat this stoue figure twists 
A Uiia^ liku j 'iruomstifk in one of ita Gsla. 
It's so iDjared b^ ttnie vou caol nuke out ■ fMtnt« ; 
But it is not St. Dunslan,— CO doobtl^M it's Peter. 

(Tina itinlliin, &V*- b( ttiUili gi 

BnB til nim il K«i aooH "■' 

», «. B.ftO, »! 

Wl affi iTBan cent imet'- 

foUi 11 noitt lhD« ■ Briiiii ignii? 
Ibinki il (i. Ii» JgiiBo ! 
1 tojitu a ff— (1. •, 0— 
1 ituraii 1)111, bei lEntg 1 ' 


. mujlo po«t, Qengulphult Ld teiw «iii domxlttii 

> i quodam clnico qol cum nnn lui irlultEnre 
, j„m_ I,, f,„(o. iB npDltiuwn pdrtartii 

: llilm uiut] ntUntur all incfllt «iu. 
mm, qitam mariTnia faocAiiin, nitncuL 
rtnitoarraiu,«ll. ■■IlaOEinulpliii-nilricB 
iiB ueDiB oinUt," ' ax,. Ac.— Wu^ rii Ucuiu's, 

II^ENOULPITUS comei from the Holy Land, 

With hijt scrip, and his bottle, nnd sandal shn^n ; 
Ml nuui; a day hatli bo been uwaj, 
^rt hl« Lady deems hlia retuni'd full sood. 
^\ iiiany a day bath ha been anay, 
I Yet Btaitt had he creH'd ayont Ihe sea. 
Ere a spnice young spark at a Learned Cltrk 
'_ Had cali'd on bis Lady, and stopped to tea, 
I This sproee young guest, so tiimly drcct, 
Stat'd with that Lady her revels to crown ; 
They langh'd. and they ate BDd they drank of Ihe besl. 
AJid they tnni'd the old castle quite npside down. 

igbt D. 

Had ^0 had any rest ' she ' vow'd and' declar'd,' 

le ' never ontld cat ons morsel of meat. 

For thinking how " poor dear " Ocngalpbos fared." 
She ' really did thitik she had not slept a wink 

Since he left her, tdthough he'd beni absent so long,' 
He here shook bis head,— right Itttio b« Kiiil, 

But he thoDf;bt she was * coming it rather ttxi strong-' 
Now his palate she tickles with the chops and thp pickles, 

Till, so great the effect of that still gin grog, 
Hii weaken'd Iwdy. lubdned liy the loddj, 

Falli out o( the chair, and be lia like a log. 
Then out comes the Clerk from his secret lair ; 

H« lifts up the leg^, and she litis op the bead, 
And, between them, this most reprshentibls pair 

Undress poor Geogulpbos and put bim to bed. 

TbCD the boliter they place alhwiut his lace, 
And hi> nieht-cap into his mouth they cram ; 

And abe piucnes his nose undrmeatb the clut 
Till the ■ poor dear soul ' g' 

^itb that fridicsomc ladv sc 
ing balls and plays, and all manner of way 
get rid of what Preach pe<^le eall'd Enn 

the festive Board with Tiaods is stored, 

Savoury dishee be there, I ween. 
Rich paddings and big. a barbecued pig. 

And 01 -tail soup in ■ China tureen. 
There's a flaeon of ale as Urge at a pail — 

When cockle on hat, and staff m (laod. l^drinking. 
While on noDgbt they ore thinkins (avc citting nni 

Gengulpbns walks in from th« Holy Land '. 
' You mut be pretty deep to catch weasels asleep,' 

Says the proverb ; that is, ' take the Fair unawares :' 
A maid o'er the builstcrs chancing lo peep, fitniis.' 

WLispen, < Ua'am, hcio'i Oengulpbos a-commg up- 
Fig. pndding, and soup, the electrified gnnip. 

With the flagon, {lop under the lofa in haste. 
And contrive to deposit the Clerk in the clnsel. 

As the dish least of all to Oengulphus't lattc. 
T%en oh I what rapture, what ]oy wo* expreet. 

When ' poor dear Oengulphui ' at lost appear'd I 
She kisi'd and sbe pten'd* uie dear man' to her breast, 

In spite of his gi«dt, long, friiily beard. 
Such Lagging and squeexiog I twasalmostnnpleasittg. 

A (uitio on ber lip, and a leur in her rye ; * 
She was to very glad, that she senn'd hiOr mad, 

And did not know wbothcr to laugh or to cry. 
Then she calls up the maid and Ihe tablo-clolh'n laiit, 

And ihc sends lor a pint uF the Lest Brown Stout ; 
the fire, too, she pops some nice mntton chops, 
■ ** gloM of ■ Cold Without.^ 

But to fee now bow strangely things sometimes turnout, 
And that in a manner the least expected 1 

Who coold snrmise a man ever could rim 
Who'd been tbna carbonado'd, cut up. and di 

No doubt 'twould Borpriaa the pupils at Guy's j 
1 am uu unbeliever— no man can say that o m 

But Si. Thomas himself would sejiree trust his oini)l 
If be saw such a thing in his School of Anntoi 
on nmv di'ul as you please with Iliodoas and C 
Or a ^fus^ulnum muiug bis heathen saliKini, or,f 
Jew or a Turk, but it's utber guns work 
When a man has to do with < Pilgrim oi 

By chance the Prince Bishop, a Hoyal Divi 

Bends his cords round the ncighbonrhood next A... 
Wish to receive a snog party to dine [and nrgcs hi! 

Of the resident clergy, the gentry, and burgesses. 
At a quarter-past Are they are all alive 

At the palace, for coaches are fait rolling '~ ' 

ad to overy guest his card had cxpres'd 

' Half -past ' as the hour lor ' a greasy cbii 
Some thirty ore seated, and handsomelv treated 

With the choicest Uhine nines in his Jjlghne 
H'hen a Count ot the Empire who Celt himwlf hst 

liequestcd eotan water to mix with his Uock. 
Tbe Butler, who saw it, sent a moid out to draw if 

But scarce hod she given the wicdliua a 
Ere Gcngujpbus's head, from the well's bottom si 

la mild accents, ■ Do help us out, that's a good^ 
Ouly fancy her dread when she saw a great head 


With the bead rolling after her, bawling oi 
he ran and she roar'd till she came to the board 

Where Uie Prince Bishop sat with his party around, 
rhen Oeognlphus's poll, which routinued to roU 

At her beels, on tbe table bouoced'up with a bciond. 

And no» they Iried tbe deed lo hide : 

For a little bird whupcr'd, ' Perchance you tuny swing : 
Here's ■ corpfs in tbe case nitb ii sod snell'd face, 

And a Medical Crowner's a qneer sort of thing ! ' 
So the Clerk and wife, tb«r each took a knife. 

And the nippon that nipp'd tbe toai-nigar for tea 
With Ihe edges and points thoy severed tbe joinia 

At the clavicle, elbow, hip. ankle, and knee. 

With those great mgir-nippcrs tbcy nipp'd off his 
' flippers.' 

As the Clerk very flippantly, termed bis fists. 
When thor'd cut ofl his bead, entertaining a dicad 

Lest foUu should reouembcr Gengulphui's fare. [it. 
They detomiincd to throw it where no one could know 

Sown the well, — and the limbi in some diffcicul 

They contrived to poek up the trunk in a sock. 

Which they hid in an wicr-bed outside the town, 
The Clerk buring amu. lega, and all on hii back, 

As that vile Mr Qreenucie senod Mn Brown 

Tbe head smiles, and begs them to bring biin bis legs. 
As a well -spoken geuUeman asks for his boots. 

IS troubled with c( 

Nait, before tbe beholders, two great brawnvshouiden, 

And arms on their bent elbows dance liLruugh Um - 
While two bands assist, though ninp'd off at the W 

The said shoulders in bearing u body along 
They march up to the head, not one syllable said, ^ 

For the thirty guests all store in wo'ndcr and dr"" 
As the limbs in their sight amnge and nt ' 

Till Oengnlphus, though dead, looks as sound 
I will venture to say. from that hour to this day, 

Ne'er did such an assembly behold such a 
Or a table divide fifteen gueets of a side 

With a dead body phiced in the centre betweeua 
Yea, they slnred— well they might, at so novel a 

No one utler'd a whisper, a sneeze, or 
But sat all bolt upright, and pole witb alfright; [lb 

And ttiey gazed at the dead man. tbe dead maa •» 
The Prince Bishop's Jester, on punning intent. 

As he view'd the whole thirty, in jocular terms 
Said. ' They put him in mind o'f a Council of TrtaU 

^gaged in reviewing the Diet of Worms.' 
But what should they do ? — Ob I nobody knew 

What WDS best to tie done, either stranger or resident i 
The Chancellor's self read bia I'ulTendorf through .. 

In vain,.for his books o>nld not fumisb a ~ *~' 
The Prince Bishop mutter'd a cutso and a prayer, I 

Which ha double capacity hit to a nicct; 
His Princely, or Eiy, half induced him toi 

Ills Episcopal moiety said 'Btncdirite!' 
The Coroner sat on tbe body that night, tbout,— 

And the jury agreed, — not a doubt could thoy bar- 
' That the cbin of the corpse — the sole thing brangbl 
to light- 
Had been recently shared by a very bad barber.' 
They sent out Vun TaOnsend, Von BItnic, Ton nv«, 

Voo Maine, and Von Rowanti— through chtleb and 
Towna, villi^CT, hamlets, they told thttn to go, 

And they stuck up placards oo the wiJU of ttie 

:ungD UM - 



jnej ^^^ 


■ [ai«^ 





> Wllr:KE^f|, n dead gmtltnun. snrniuni; naknonii. 

}lm boen recently finind at his Hie'iiio^'s baDi]ai;t, 
RnlLor itabbUy dlrtst in aii Amice, or gown 

Id appeinuico nnembUBg ■ second -hiod blanket ; 

And WiiEREAS, there^ Erint reason indeed to siupcrt 

That EOBiu eriJ-dispaeed peison, or persoiLS, uilb 

AfDretlioughl,hii>]'d,aii>lbegt]jitodi<se<'t [malirv 

The said Gcntlenuui, not rerj Far from the puu? ; 

'This li TO oiTB KoncE :— Wboevet ihall eeiie. 

And such person, or persons, to justice surrender. 

Shall receive — mrh Revarii — as his IIijj;hne» shull 

On conTictioDoE him, the afarnaid offender, [please. 

'And.inordsrthomiiltMmoredcarlTtoffflce [turlber. 

To llie boltum, his HiglmcH, tie frinee BisLop. 
Of his flrnienej. oSors (reo pAnoos and Grace 

Taallsoch asbuvenol bees eonoera'd in the murllier. 

■Done this da.<r, at 
Bf noainiaod, 


polar e,— July tweotj-live,— 
Jghotm Vun Basel, 

in hod kiU'd the Prince Bishop.' 
The ' Ghent Herald ' fell foul of the- Bmxelle* Gazetle.' 

The ' Braxellcs Oaiette.' with much sneflring ironical, 
Scom'ii to remain in Iho ' Ghent rierald'i ' debt, 

And thu ' Amsterdiun Times 'quiu'd the' Nuremberg 
In-one thing, indeed, all the jonmols agreed, 

Bpite of 'politics,' 'bias,' or 'partj collision i' [deed, 

'l. ; to ' give,' when they'll ' further accounts ' of Oie 
Fall piTtieubus ' soon, in ' a later Bditioo.' 

in-, while on all sides the/ rode and ther ran, 

lyying all sorts of means to discover Uie cwtifls, 
Lo^ng patience, the holy Gengulphus beji;Bn 

To think it high tijne to ' astonish the nalices.' 
First, a Ritlmeister's Frau, who was weak in both ejcs. 

And supposed the m(Kl short'Sighlcd woman in, 
Found greater relict, to her joy and surprise, [Holluid, 

Fipm one glimpse of his ' si^iiint ' than fnim ghusea 
bj Dollond. 
By tJie slightest approach to the tip of his Nose, 

Megrims, hcadacbe, and rapours were put to (he rout ; 
And one single touch of his precious Oteat Toes 

Was a certain specific for chilblains and gout. 
Bhenmatict, — sciatica. — tic-donloorenx 1 

Apply to his shin-bonei — not one of them lingera ; — 
All oilions complaints in an injilanl irithdrcw 

If the patient ita« tickled with one of his flngers. 
tlueh viitae int found to nsidr in his thumbs ; 

When applied to the chest ther cured scautneas of 
breath tng. 
Sc«-sickneas. and colic : or, rubb'J nn the gums 

V^ei') ' A blessing to Mothers' for inltints in tithing. 
Whoever saluted the nape of his neck, 

Whore the mark rBmain'd visible sliU of the knife. 
Notwithstanding ea.» winds iierspiration might check, 

W«s Mfu from soTc-lhronit tor tbe rrst of hi> life. 
TbBi, irhile each teste and each chronic comiilaint 

Oiling WB}-. proved an influence clKitijr dirrne. 
Ther perceived the dead gentleman munL he a Saint, 

So we; lock'd him up, bodf and bones, in a shrine. 
TbrODgh eountiy and town his new Siiintsliip's renonn 

As a flnt-rate phrsician kept datlr iarrcasing. 
Tilt, as Aldcmmn Curtis told Alderi'uan Brown, 

It sccm'd as if • Wondera had never lifone cranaj.' 
The Three Kings of Cologae began, it was known, 

A Md falling off in Ihcir ofTringt to find. 
His feats H-ere so inan; — still the greatest of anr, — 

In *ver7 aeai* of the word, was— behind ; 

Fur thi! German Police were Wginnini; to oeua 
Fmm Meiliona which each dav nwrofruitlceanppear'd. 

When Oengulphiu hliiutlf, his fame nlill to increase, 
tTnravell d the whole bj the help of — his beard ' 


II jonlook bad: mull see the aforesaid tarb* 9ri>, [tin', 
^When divorced from the chin of iti murdor'd pmprio- 


And constructed of good, strung, marooa-coloui'd 
Or, what is mom likslf, Oengnlpbns might choose. 

For Saints, e'en when dead, still retuin their volition, 
It should test there, to aid some particular vicn-s, 

Pr«dnc*d by bis verf peculiar position. 
Be that as it uiav, on tho verj first dar 

That the wido'a- Gcngnlphua sat doin on that scttcc, 
What Dcrnrr'd almost frtghlen'd her senses anav, 

Bonded scaring her handmaidens, Qc.^rtrudeandBeltj'. 
Thev were telling their mislrei* tlic wonderful deeds 

Of the new Saint, fo whom all the town said their 
And espcciallr bow, as regards invalids. [orisons ; 

His miraculona curci far oatrivall'd Von Mormon's. 
' The cripples,' said they, ' fling their erntches away, 

And people bom blind now can easily see us r — 
But she (we presmoe, a disciple ill Hume) 

Shook her head, and said angrily, ' Cridiil Jadirut!' 
'Those rascally liars, the Monksand the Friats, [on.— 

To bring grist to their mill, those devices have hil 
He work* miracles ', — pooh l^l'd believe il of jfou [on ! 

Just IS soon, you great Geese. — or the Chair that I sit 

The Chair I — at that word,-~it seems really absurd. 
But the truth must be told.— what contuttions and 

For. >a if the Saint's beord the rash challenge had heanl 
Which sheattered,of what was beneath her forgetful. 

Each particnlar hair stood oo end in the chair, 
Like a porcupinc't quills when the animal's fretful. 

That stout maroon leather, they pierced altogether, 

Like tanter-hooksboldiug when clenched from within. 
And the muds cried ' Good grocionx t how veij 


r\mhLE was a maid of a dignified race : 
^-' Her father, Count Otto, was lord of Alsace ; 

Such an sir, snch a grace. Such a form, Buch a 
All agreed, 'twere a fruitless endeavour to trace [face. 
In the Court, or within fifty miles of the place- 
Many ladies in Strashorg were heautiful. still 
They were beat all to sticks by the lovely Oditle. 
But Odille was devont, and, before she was nine, 
Had ' experienced a call ' she contider'd divine, 
To put on the veil at St Ermengarde'i shrine. — 
Lords, Onkcs. and Electors, and Counts Palatine 
Came to Beck her in marriage from both sides the Bl 

But vain their design. They are all left tc ~ 
Their ogling^ and smiles are all useless : in Ane 
Net one of these gentlefolks, try as they will, 
Can draw, ' Ask my pupa," froiii the cruel Odille. 

—They as well might endeavoo 

JIdR her skin !- 

She shriek 'd with the pain, but all efforts vrcre vain ; 

In vain did they strain every sinew and mmclc, — 
The cushion tlucli fast !— from that boar to her last 

She eonld never get rid of that comforthss ' Bustle '.' 
And e'en as Macbeth, when devising the dealh 

Of his Ring, heard ' the very stones prsle of his 
whereabouts ;' 
So this shocking bad wife heard a voice all her life 

Crying ' Murder 1' resound from Ibo cushion,~-0> 
With ri-gatd to the Clerk, we are left in tlin dirk 

As to wliat bis fate was ; but I cannot imagine he 
Qot off scot'free, though unnoticed it be 

Both by Bitwdancim and Jacques du Voraginc; 

For cut-throats, we're sure can be never secure. 
And ' lUstary's Muso ' still to prove it her pen holds, 

As you'll see. if you look in n mther scarce liook, [nohbi. 
"Getfs Becvnga agaiail itardrr,' by one Mr Bey- 

Like UIjsiw of old {Fi'jo Homer and Naao), 

.Vnd yon, learned Clerks, wtio'ce naf given to ronm. 

Stick ctose to yonv Uuki, nur lose sight of decorum 
Don't visit a bouse when the matter's from home 1 

Shun drinking,— and study the I'l'W SeueUiram ! 
Above all, you gay ladin, who fancy neglict 

In TOUr spouses, allow not your patience to fail ; 
Bnl remember Gengolphns's wife I—aiid tvlleet 

On the moral enforced by her li'mbie tale ! 


unltMily nrwia' bnl. 
[ tvr Uut,— 4»% 1 Sil 

irloni Mnnorr ' '^ ttU onM aiietrBt innwHon Is 
aaiul. Iip[rt up In tnhUu ly an auiiiial isicltiu- 
iMCUr K>ln The Jm.L tifcWi liM l»lilioi4 lb« 
uBHil, )■ IBM h> lull liHa inwuinJ liy King 
ran b> nwiM U'CoiiD-ll. E>^. 

At length one of her suitors, 

A liiEhly respwtable nina as 

Who smoked like a chimney, and drank like ■! 

Paid his court to her father, conceiving his firman 

Would soon make her bend. And mduee her toIl_ 
An car to a love. tale in lien of a sermon. C''''H 

lie gain'd the old Count, who said. 'Come, Hynb 
Here's luck to yourself and my daughter Odille I ' 
The Ludy Odille was quil^ nervous with (ear 
When a little bird whisper'd thai toast in her ear: 

Shemurmur'd, 'OlCdearl My Papa has got qi 
I am sadly afraid, with that nasty strong b«er I 
He's so very austere, and severe, that it's clear 
If he gets in his " tantrums," I can't remain hen 
Bat St. Eimeneardo's convent is luckily atat ; 

It were folly to alar Pour prendre congf. 
I shall put on my bonnet, and e'en run away I ' 
—She nnlock'd the bock door and descended the IdD, I 
On whose crest stood tho lowers of the siro of OdiUa.':f 
—When he found she'd levanted, the Count Of All* 
At first lum'd remarkably red in the face ; 
He unathematixed, with much unction and graen. 
Kverysoul who cainu near, and eonsign'd" ' "" 
Of ranawav eirls to a very warm pUce ; 

With a Inghlful grimace He gave oi 
His va»a1i set off at a deuce of a pace. 
And of all whom they met, high or low. Jack or JOl, j 
Aak'd, ' Pray have you seen anything of I*dy Odille ? ' 
Now I think Fve been told.- for Tm no Iporlingmls,— 
That the ' knowing.oncs ' call this bv far tlie best plan 
'Take the lead and then kerp it!'— that is, if yoi 
Odille thought so loo, u> she set off and na. [can,— 

Put her Ixwt leg be!orc. Starting at scm*, 
As I said rame linca since, from Ihat little back door. 
And not being miss'd until half after lour, 
Had what hantencall 'U a 'for a good hour and more 


Doing L« best, Withoal etoppiug lo rest, 
Lik« 'yaimg LochiiiTiir who uino out of the West, 
' 'Til dane 1 — 1 am giinc 1 — ovitt briir, brouk, and r 
Thrjll be sbaip liuli wbo catch me I ' said young Misa 

HoTv tho hare, nuking plaj, 

* Frogress'd right llick awmT.' 

Ai < them tunatioo cbaiM ' the Aineri 

For racing, erawl'd rtraight on, withoul lei or star, 
HavJDK no poit-hone daty or turnpikes to par, [grvj, 
Till, tte nocm's ruddy my Changed to Eve's sober 
Tbongh her form and obesitj caiuteil some dpiay, 
Penevcrunce and patience brought up her lee-war. 
And slie chased bet Qeet-footod ' pio/curBor ' ontii 
She o'eHook her at Lut ;— so it fared vith OdiUe I 

For sllhoogh, aa I said, she ran gaily at fiist. 

And show'd DO incUnalion to panae, if she durst ; 

She at length feltopprest with the heat, and with thirst, 

Its DSnat attendant ; nor iras that the worst, 

Bar ahocs went down at heel ; at last one of them bnnt. 

Mow a gectlemaD amilei At a trot of ten miles-, 
But not so the Fait : then consider the stiles. 
And ai tben ladies Ecldtim wore tbingi nilh a frill 
fiocnd tho ankle, these btilea Eodlj bothcr'd OdiUe. 

Still detpita all the obslaelu placed in her hmek, 
She kept steadily on, though the terrible crack 
In b«r shoe nude of eoune her precession more utaek. 
Till she reaeh'd tho Swarti Forest (in English the Black). 

I cannot divine. How the twnndarjf line rBliinc — 
W«« paiB'd which if somenhoro there fonn'd hy the 

Perhaps she'd the knack To Boat o'er on her back — 
Or, perhata, croBs'd the old bridge of boats at Brisaeh 

S Which Vauban, some yean after, secured from attack 
Ira bastion of stone which Die Germans call' Wacke')^ 
All I know is, she took not so much as a snac^ 
Tin, hungry and worn, feeling wretchedly ill, 
" ----"g brow sank down the weary Odille. 

lut 1 sbonld have said ' ( 

I said on its 'brow. 

For l- 

And so high that 'twas frightCol indeed to look down 

Upon Fribnrg, a place of soma little renown. 

That lay at its foot ; but imagine the frown 

That eontracled ber brow, when full many a clown 

She perceived coming up frvm that borrid post-town. 

They had foUow'd her trail, 

And now thought without fail. 
As little bays say, to ' lay salt bn her tail ; ' 
Whila the Count, who knew no other law hot his will, 
Swore that Herman that evening shoold many Odille. 

Alas, for Odille ! poor dear! what could she do ? 
Her father's retainers now bad her in view. 
As she found from Iheir nusing a joyons halloo : 
While tbe Count, riding on at the head of his crew. 
In tbeir suulT-calour'd doublets and breeches of blue, 
Was huisaing and ureinr them nn to purme — 

What, indeed, fa-dd she do? She very well knew 
If they caught her how much she should have to go 

thrangh ; 
Bui then — sbe'd so shocking a bole in her shoe I 
And to go further on was impossible-, — true 
She might jump o'er the precipice ;— still there ore few 
I* bet pUce, who Cfluld inannge their coumga to screw 
Up to bidding the world such a snddca adieu : — 
Auck I how she envied the birds u the; Sew ; 
Ho Nwsau balloon, with its wicker canoe. 
Came to hear hor from him sheloalh'd worse than a Jew; 
So she fell on her kaeea in a terrihln stew, 

, Crying ■ Holy St Ermi'ngai\le '. 
Oh, Irom these vennm guard 
Her wh(B« Ust hope rnts entirely on yoo ; — 
Don't let papa catch me, dear Saint '. — rather kill 
At once, iitr'te-chnnji, juor devoted OdiUo I ' 

It's delighllol lo see tboae who rtriie lo oppress 

Gel balk'd when thev think theiiisclves sure of success. 

The SainI came to the te«uo !— I Uirly conftw 

I don't Kie, aa a Saint, how she well coidd do leas 

Than to get such a votuiy out of her mess. 

OdiUe had scarce ehMed her pathetic addrcn 

When tbe cock, gaping wide as the Tbamea at ShwrnMS, 

dneed again, and socnred her within its reccas. 

In a natural grotio, Wbicb punled Count Otto, 
Who could not conceive wbor* (he deuce she had got to. 
Tw» her voice !— but 'twas Vox tl pnrlrrta Sil 1 
Nor coold any one goeas what was ^^e with OdiUe 

Then bunt (toin I be t 

And there stood St. Entiengurde, drest all in while, 
A palm -branch m her left bond, her beads in bei right 
While, with faces fresh gilt, and with wings humisb'd 

A great many little boys' heads took their flight 
Above and aronnd to a very great height. 
And teem'd pretty Lvety coasidering their plight, 

Since every one saw. With amazement and awe. 
They conid never sit down, Xia they hadn't de quoi. — 

All at the sight, From the knave to the knight. 
Felt a reiyunpleasant sensation, called fricbt ; 

While tbe Saint, looking down. With a, terrible 
frow n. 
Said 'Mr Lord3,7ouaredoticnioslreniarkably brown!— 
1 oni really ashamed of you both ; — my ncnes thrill 
At your scandalous conduct lo poor, dear Odille 1 
' Come, make yourselves scarce 1 — it is useless lo slar 
Yfio will gain nolhing here by a longer delay. 
« Quick 1 Presto 1 Begone I'' as the conjniors say ; 
Fur as to the Lady, I've stow'd bcr away 
In this hill, in a stratum of London blue ctay \ 
And I shan't, I assure you, restore her to-day 
Till yon fnitbfnlly promise no more to say " Nay," 
But declare, " If sbe will be a nun, why she may." 
For this jon've my word, nod I never yet broke it, 
So pntthat in your pipe, my Lord Otto, and smiike it ! — 
One hint to yooi vasaile, a month at " the Mill " 
Shall be nuts to what they'U get wbo wonj Odille t ' 
The Saint disappear'd as she ended, and so 
Did (be little tiiys' heads, which, aliove and below. 
As I t^^ld yon a very few stanzas ago. 
Had b^en flying about her. and jumping Jim Crow \ 
Though, — witbonl any l»dy, or leg, foot, or toe. 
How they managed such antics, I really don't know ; 
Be thai OS it may, thev all ' melted like snow 
OS a dyke.' as tbe Scotch say in Sweet Ediabro'. 

And there stood the Count, With his men OD the 
Jurt like ' twenty-fonr jaclijusBi all on a row.' 
What was best to bo done— 'twas a sod bitter pill- 
But gulp it be must, or else lose his Odille. 
The lord of Alsace llietefore altered his plan, 
And said to himself, like ■ sensible man, 
' I can't do »s I would,— I must do as 1 can ; 
It will not do to lie under anj Saint's ban, 
For rout hide, when you do, they all manage lo tan ; ' 
So CounI Herman must pick up some BeUy or Nan, 
Instead of my girl,— some Sue, Polly, or Fan ;— 
If he can't get the com he must do with the bran, 
And make shift with tbe pot if he cant have the pan. 
With such proverbs as these He went down on 
his knees 

(Taking discouDt), — its Ahbea shall bo my Odille ! ' 
There are some of my readers. 111 venture to say, 
Wbo have never seen Fr iburg, tlioogh tome of them may. 
And othera, lis likely, may go there some day. 
Now, if ever yon happen lo travel that way, 
I do hog and prav, 'twill your pains well repor. — 
1'hat roull take what the Cockney folks call a ■ po-shay ' 
(Tbuugh in Germany these things ate more bko a dray), 
I'ou may reach this some hill with a single relay, — 

And do look how the rock. 

Through tbe whole of its block. 
Is split open as though bj some violent shock 
From an earthquake, or ligbtning.or horrid hard knock 
From the elub-bearing Ibt of some jolly old cock 
Of a Germanised giant, Thor, Woden, or Lok ; 

And see how it rears Its two monstrous great ears. 
For when once you're between than sueh each side ap- 
Aud list to the sound of tbe water one hcan [pears; 
Drip, drip, from the fissures, like rain-drops ot t(4rs, 
-^dilU'iiIbelicve,— which have fluw-d all Uise; 
— I think they account for them 
I am sure is connected some way with Odille, 

all Uisse yean; 
It the liU 

Now tben. for ■ moral, which always arrii-ea 
At the end, like tbe boney bees take lo Iheir hives. 
And the more one ohaerves it the belter one thrives, — 
We have all heard it said in tbe course of our lives 
' Needs must when a certam old geotlemin drives ; ' 
'Tis the rune with a Udy,— if once sbe contrives 
To get bold of the ribands, how vainly one strives 
To escape from her Isah, or to shake off her gyves ! 
Tlien let's act like Count Otto, and while one su[>-ivc«. 
Succumb Is our Sbo-Sainti — videlicet wives ! 

That is if one boa not a ' good bunch of lives,' — 
(I can't tbink bow that last line eseapnl from mr quQI, 
For I un sure 'A has nothing to do with Odille,)' 

Kow, joung ladies, to joul — Dont put on'fl 

And don't be surprised if yonr father looks blue 
When you're pert, and won't act as he wants you to d( 
Be sure that yon never elope ; — there are few, — 
Believe me, you'll find what I say to be true, — 
Ulio rrm rcstii-e, but find as tbcv bake they must ' 
And come off at Ust with * a hole in their shoo ; ' 
Since not even aaphoni, that sanctified ville, 
Con produce enough (ainls to save e«ry Odille 

Ktralu, i^liyain of g( ijli* of pg 
9nti QiB bin ttas niniiB Cpip^u^ 
Ui ■» Inm nn s nU fnMv mr 
(ii|wnwftlc-- ■--'^- - — ■■ 

niDg. on ItK Uh of tMeenil 

.|[[ oUen-td). bnt In wlist o' 
ipllmsl rrgiiter. loeeUier «l 
Bt TboDus it BUI. harlnE in 



LORD ABBOT! Lord Abbot! I'd fain confess • 
I sm a-westy, and worn with woe ; 
Many a grief dolh ray heart oppress. 

And hannl me whitheiroever I go ! ' 
On bended knee spake the beautiful Maid ; 
' Now lithe and listen, Lord Abbot, to me ! * — 
Now nayo, Fuir Daughter,' the Lord Abbot said, 
' Now naye, in sootb it may hardly be ; 
There is Mess Michael, and holy Men John, 
Sage PuniUnncen 1 ween be Iher I 
And hard bj doth dwell, in St. Catherine's cell, 

Ambrose, the anchorite old and grey I ' 
— ' Oh, 1 wij] have none of Ambrose or John, 
Though sage Penitanncers i trow they he; 
shrive me may none save the Abbot alone. 
Now listen. Lord Abbut, I speak to thee. 
Nor think foul scorn, thoagh mitre ndom 
Thy brow, to lii>tea lo sbtift of mine 1 
[ am a maiden royally bors. 

And 1 come of old Pkulagvaet's line. 
Though hither I stray, in lonly array, 
I am a damsel of high degree ; 
And tbe Comptc of Gu, and the Lord of Fonthicu, 
They servo my father on bended knee ! 
Counts a many, and Dukes a few, 
A suitoring came lo my fatlier's Doll ; 
But the Duke of Lorraine, with his large domain. 
He pleased my father bejocd them all. 
Dukes a many, and Counts a few, 
1 wontd have w edded right checifnllie : 
}ut the Duke of Lorraine was uncomnuiniy plain, 
And I vow'd that be ne'er should my bridegroom Vi 
So hither I Qy, in lowly guise. 
From tbcir gilded domes and their princely halls ; ^ 
^ain would 1 dwell iu some holy cell, 

Or within fame Convent's peaceful walls '. ' 
—Then out and spoke that proud Lord Abbut, 

' Now rut thee. Fair Daughter, wilhonteu fear, 
Nor Count Dor Duke but shall meet the rebuke 
Of Holy Choreh an be seek thee here : 

,, . . "id". 

For hero Ibis day sr 

' Kow nnje, now nsjc,' the fair maiden cried : 

' la sooth. Lord Abbot, tbat scarce mar be 1 

Friends would whisper, and foes would frown, 

Silh thou art a Churchman of high degree, 
^nd ill mote it match with thy fair renown 
Tbat a wandering damsel dme with thee ! 
There is S'imon the Deacon hath puUe in stors, 

With beans and lettuces fair to see ; 
His lenlen fare now let me share, 
I pray thee, Lord Abbot, in charilic ! ' 



_' Though Simon ths Dncon bBth putee id store, 

To our pktrau Sunt foul ahutno it wefb 
Ehoald waTwom B"***! "''*■ '"'' oppress'd, 

Ueet In nil Abbey such churliab luo. 

■ There i< Peter tie Prior, Bad Fnmf ii the Frini, 

And Bnger the Mont tbtS our convive* b*i 
Small Kendal I ween sh^ thon be B8cn, 

Tliej lue R goodlj' compouie I ' 
The Abbot Imti donn'd bis niiire and ringi 

Hii rich ilalmitic, and niBoipla fine ; 
And the chiiriatera sing, is the luy-brotheis bring 

To the buarf > magnificent IuAbj and chine. 
The tarfcof and chine, they are done to P nicetj j 

Lifer, and giccard, and &11 are there ; 
Ne'er mote Lord Abbot pronounce Brne<lic!la 

Over luore Luscious or delicate fare- 
But no pious bUtc, no PaUr or Act 
J . Pronuinced, la he e^ed on that maiden't Faee; 
v'Aie ack'd faim for staffing, ibe ask'd him for gravv, 
L' She ask'd him fur gizzard ;— but not for Grace ! 
iiiled, and prrfs'd, 
le hicod-icd wine in Uie wine-cup liU'd ; 
And he holp'd his gowt to a bit of the breast, 
And ho Mnt the dnmiBticks down to be grill'd. 

There was no luck of the old Shenis sack, 

Of Hippocraa fine, or of Muliiiiev bright ; 
And aye, as he druin'd oS bia cup with a snmck. 

He gren- lera piouE and more polite. 
She pledged him once, and she pledged liiui tn ice, 

And the drank an Lady ought not to drink : 
And he pres'd her hand 'oesth the tuble thrice. 

And be wink'd u Abbot ought not to wink. 
And Peter Uie Prior, and Fmncit the Friar, 

Sat each with a napkiu unddi hia chin ; 
' Bat Bogor the lilonk girt exceHirclir drunk, 
K 60 they put him to bed, and they tuck'd him in ! 
KXl,e lay -brothers gazct) on each other, anuixed; 

And Simon tho Ilearoni willi grief and surprise. 
At be peeped Ibrongh the kcv-hole, could acaree foncT 

The tcena he beheld, or beljBTB his own eyes, [real 
In his eur waj ringing the Lord Abbot singing,' 

And ' Fiddlers,' and ' Punch,' and things quite t 
Even Porter Paul at the soand of such revelling. 

With fervour himself began to hiesa ; 
Fto he thoiighl he must soinebov have let the Devil in, — 
■ And perhaps was not very much out in his gues. 

The Archangel took down hiE Ute, and in unsner ho 
Wept-HSee the works of the late Mr StemeJ. 

IndeBd, it 19 aoid. ■ lera taking both irero in 
When, alter a lapao a( a great many years. 

They book'd Uncle Toby five shilling for swearing, 
And blotted the Sne out again with their teon I 

Nieholo*' agony who may point J 

eniea at first were wctl-nigh 

'^e beatitied mmt «a> ready to ta 

When ho saw in lii* Abbey such a*d goings on 
Sk>r nevvr, I ween, had such doingi been seen 

There before, from the lime that most rxccUcnl Prince 
Bar) Bftldoin ol Flandera, and oilier Commanders, 

Had bnJt and eodoir'd it aomo centuries since. 

—But bark 1- 

a sound from the 


By the dock,— an4 the clock's 1 

■Kow a louder hang Ihmugh (he cloislen rang 
W. And the gala ud its hiuEv* wide otien Sett ; 
_ And all were awatfl of a Paluiei thurv. 

With his cocUn, hal, etaS, and his MniUl shoe. 

Hany a [urrow. and many a frown. 

By toil and lime on his broti were traced ; 
And hia h>ng luuae piwn was uf finger bronn. 

And his rosary diuigled b«lon his waut. 

^1 Aodhii 

No* seldom, I ween, is such eoBtume seen. 

Except at ■ rtage-play or masquerade ; 

it who doth not know it was rather the go 

Wilb Pilgrims and Soiuts in the seoond Cmsode T 
With noiaelew alride djd that Palmer glide 

Acrocs that oaken Boor ; 
And he made tbem oil jump, he gave sneh a thump 

Against the Refectory dour I 
Wide open it Hew, and plain to the vieir 

The Lord Abbot they all mote see ; 
In hii hand was a cup, and be lilted it np. 

■ Here's the Pope's good health with Uiree 1 1 
Bans in th«r esrs three deafening cbctn, 

' Huzza 1 huiza! boizsl' 
And one of the party said, 'Go il, my. hearty !' — 

When outjpake that I'ilgrim grey— 
' A boon, Lord Abbot I a boon 1 a Ixun I 

Worn li my loot, and amply my scrip : 
And Bothiag to speak of since yraterdnr noon 

Of food. Lord Abbot, bath pasi'd my lip, 
' .\ud 1 am come from a ror euitntrce, 

And have visited nuiny a holy shrine ; 
And long have I trod Uiu sacred sod 

Where tho Saiala do rest in Palestine 1 ' — 

■ An thoD art come from * far counfree. 

And if thou in Paynim lands bael been. 
Now rede me aright ihc most wonderful sight, 

Thou Palmer grey, that thine ejcs have seeii. 

' Arede me aright the moat wonderful sight, 

Grey Palmer, that ever thine eyes did see, 
And a manchette of bread, and a good watm bed, 

And a cup 0* the best shall thy guerdon be I ' 
' Oh 1 I have been east, and 1 have been been west. 

And 1 lime seen mauy a wonderful sight ; 
But never to me did it happen to see 

A wonder like that whicn I see this night 
' To see a Lord Abbot, in rochet and stole. 

With Prior and Friar, — a strange inar -Telle ! — 
O'er a jolly full bowL silling cheek by jowl, 

An il holi-nobbing away with a Devil from Hell I * 
He felt in his gown of gineer brown. 

And he pulW ont a fiosk from beneath ; 
It was rather tough work to get out the cork, 

But he drew it at last with his Icelli. 
O'er a pint and a quarter of holy nals 

He made a sacred sign ; 
And he dash'd tho whcSc on the lai-^iMinf daugblar 

Of old Ptantageoet's line t 
Ob I then did she reck, and aqneak, and shriek, 

With a wild oueorthly scream ; 
And fizzled, and hias'd, and produced such a mist. 

They were all half -choked by the sleuin. 
Her dove-like eye* fum'd to coals of fire, 

Her beautiful nose to ■ horrible aoont, 
Her hands to paws, with nasty great claws, 

And her lirBam went in, and her tail came ouL 

I her chin then 

And her lusks 
And her horns and her houls gaie infallible proofs 

Twos a IrighUuI fiend from the nethermost bell I 
The Palmer threw down his ginger gown. 

His hat and his cockle ; and. plain to sight 
Stood St Nicholas' sell, and his ahaven cru«n 

Had a glow-worm halo of heavenly light. 
The fiend made a grasp Ihe Abbot to cla.^ ; 

But S( Nichobu lifted bis holy toe. 
And, jusi in the nick, lei fly sneh a kirk 

On his elderly namesake, ha made him let go. 
And out of ihe window he Hew like a shot. 

For Ihe font flew up with ■ terrible thwack. 
And caught the foul demon about the spot 

Where his toil joins on to the small of his back. 
And he bounded away like a foot-baO at plav. 

Till into the bottomless pit ho fell slap, 
Knocking Mammon Ihe meagre o'er pursy Belphegor, 

And Lucifer into BeSliebub's lap. 
Oh ! happy the slip from bis Snecnbine grip, [fright, 

That saved Ihe Lord Abbul .—though breathless, ' ' 
In eaoaping he tuinblt<d, and fractured his hip, [ri^ 

And bis left leg was shorter thenceforth than his 

On the banks ot the Hhino, as he'l slopping to dine, 
Frimi a rertalu Inn-nindow the Iruvetler is shown 

Miat picluresquc mins, ibc scene of these doings, 
Sijiie niiki up iht liver, son!h-eui[ 4 Colngue. 

ad*, while ' tutr-kraut ' she sells yon, the landlady t«lla 

That there. In those walls, now all roofless and bare. 
One Simon, a Deacon, from a lean grew a sleek one, 
On filling a ei-decant Abbot's state chair. 

Uow a ci-drcaat Abbot, all chrthed in drub, but 

Of texture tlie coarsest, hair shirt, and no afaoea 
(His milre and ring, and all that sort of thing 

Laid aijdej, in yon Cave lived a pious recluse ; 
How ho lose with the sun, limping ' dot and go one,' 

To yon riU of the mountain, in oU sorts uf weather. 
Where a Prior and a Friar, who lived somewhat higher 

Up the rock, used to come and eat cresses together ; 
How a thirsty old codger, tho ncigbbouis coU'd Boger, 

With them drank cold walcr in lieu of old wine ' 
What Its quality wanted he mode up in quantity. 

Swigging as though he would empty the Ithine ! 
And how, as their bodily strength fail'd, the mental mac 

Q«in'd tenfold vigour and force in all four ; 
And how, to the day of their death, the' Old Gentleman* 

Never attempted to kidnap them more. 
And how, when at length in tho odour of Hmetiqr^^^^ 

All of them died without ^ef or complaint; S^H 
The monks of St Nicholas suid 'Iwos ridicoloni ^^^^| 

Nut to suppose every one was a Saint. ^^^H 

And how in the Abbey, no one was to ahabbj ^^^f 

As not to Bay yearly fonr ma»e< a hwd, 
On the eve of thai anpper. and kick on the crauper 

Which Satan received, fur the souls ol the disd 1 
How folks long held in reverenee their reliqne< uu) 

Threw down their crutches and danced a quadriUel 
And how Abbot Simon (who tumed out a prime on«) 

These words, which grew into a prorerb full nan, 
"' " late Abbot's grollo. stuck up as a 

Ing Ihe ■ Hon^y (rrr. •. 


q„>..q« Ip* ial»mm. vIdl.-V.ailu 

CATHERIN'E of Geves was a Lady of rank : 
She had lands and fine houses, and cash la |k> 

Bank; [tUl 

She had jewels and Tma. And a thousand ■ 
Was lovely and young, With arafhersbarpfn 
And she weddnl a noble of hitih degree 
With the star of the order of & Bsj.rif ; 

But tha Duke de Ouise, Was by many de( 
Her senior, and not very eaiy to pleasoi 
He'd a sneer on his lip, and a scowl witli bis q . 
And a fmnn on his brxiw,^ — ajidha lwk*ilU)u*tl| 


So the took to intriguing WithUonuenTSlUegrii 
A juudb; nun »[ fiiEliioD sad figure aad noith, 
But vltb no great prelensions lo (ortone oi birtli ; 

He would sing, fonce, and duiee, 

With the b«t man in Fraoce. 
And look his mppM with gcDtccl nimthahiitet ; 
Ho smiled, and Tip flnttcr'd. *nd Airtnl with nun*, 
And was Tfry Bup«rior to Monicignonr do Gniso. 
Mow MoosicDT St. Krrgt'm wu furicnra lo know 
U tbe Lsdy approvLsl ol his pnsiion or no ; 

So wLUiout itLorc ado, lie put on hi* turloat. 
And went to a man Ttilh b b^td like a Jew, 

One SigDot Uuggicri, A CunninK-ouu Dvor, ha 
Conld cODJore, tell fortunes, and calculate tide*. 
Porioim tiicks on the caiils, and Heaven knovra nhat 

Bring back ■ straf'd now, silver ladle, or spoon. 
And was thought to be Ihiok with the Man in tho Moon. 

The S<wu look his stand Withhitwandiahishand, 
Drew a ciicte, then gave the dread watd of command, 
Saying solemnly — ' Fruto ! — H<y, qnidi 1 Coek-a ■ 

When Iho Dnchesa immediately popp'd up before 'uiii 
Jost then a Conjunction of Venus and Mars, 
Or something peculiar aboTa in (be ataix. 
Attracted the notice of Signor Roggieri, 
Who ' bolted,' and left tiim alone with bis deary. — 
Monsieur St. Megria went down on bii koeos, 
And the Duchess shed leais large as mamiw-fat poasi 
When, — fancy the shock, — A loarl doulilo kuork, 

a tlw Lady cry "Get up, jou fool !—l he re's de 

iQnisB 1 ' 

s his Grace, sure enough ; 
[ousieur, looking bluff. 
Strutted by, with his hat on, and fingering hif ruff, 
While, unseen by either, away flew the iWe 
Through theoppnsite key-hole, the same way she came; 

But, alatk I and aJas I A mishap came (o pa;«. 
In her hurrr she, someliow or other, let fall 
A new silk Baadana she'd worn as a shawl ; 

She had naed it for drying 

Her bright eyes while crying, 
Anil blowing hor nose, as her Beau talk'd oT ilviiii; ! 


'Dear Mister St Megria, 

League in 
Our house mean to dint 

'I'ho Chicfj of the 

1 shall, uwn alter Ion, Slip an-av Ircnn (he men. 
And you'll (ind me up-staira in the drawing-room Ihcn; 
Come op the bock wa^. or those impudautthieTOs 
Of Servants will see you ; Yours 

CarnEnisE of Cl.evk.' 

She directed and seaj'd it. all pale as a ghost. 
And Da Guise put it into the Twopenny Putt. 
St. Uegrin had almost jomp'd out of liis skin 
For joy that day when the pent ci 
lie tend the note through, T 

ic nolo through. Then 

And thought it almoel too good i 
ip'd on hia hat. And 
With a cloak to disguise him, and make him look fat. 

app'd on hia hat. And a hood 

lak to disguise him, aad make L 

So great hia impatience, from half after Fom' 
He was waiting till Ton at De Gnine'u hack-doM, 
Wlico he heard the great clock of St Genevieve chime 
□e ran up the back staircase sin stnn at n time. 

He had scarce made hia bow, He hudly know how. 

When alas ! and alack I Thcic was nogettinf back. 

Fur (he drawing- rrxim dooi was bing'd to with a 

In tain ha applied To the liandlc and tried, 
Somebody or other Iwd lock'd it uutmil* ! 

Now the Duchess's r»gc, About twelve yearsofagt. 

For Ml little a boy was remarkably sage ; 

And just in the nick, to their joy and amaiemcnt, 

Pop]<'J the Gaa-lightcr'i hiddorelotie under the cusement 

But all would not do, — Thougti St. Megrin got 
The window,— below stood D« Otmn and liis crew, 
Aud thoiifhaevorman was more brave than St. Megrin, 
Vi t (ij:htiin; a score is extrcmelj fatigumg; 

He tlira~t earU and litrea Uncommiialy fierce, 
But niit !)>; I'll? bub 'j self could (heir cuirasics pierce ; 

Whiiu his doublet and boae Being holiday doth is. 
Were soon cut thnnigh and thtough from hia knees to 

StilJ an old crooked si»peoco the Conjuror gave him, 
From piilo] and sword was sufGcient to iave him ; 

But when beat on his kneei, Tlmt cunroundcd 

U« Guise [breeie, 

fame behind with the 'fogle' that caused all Ihis 

Whipp'd It tight round hia neck, and when backward 

hud jcrk'd him, 
Thi.> real of the rascals jiunp'd oil him and Burk'd liiin. 
i'hi' poor hlllo Page, too, himself got no q^uarter, hut 
Was served the same way, And was found the 
nest day [butt ; 

rt'ilh hii heels in the air, and his head in the water- 
Catherine of Clevea Buar'd ■ Murder 1 ' 

• llievM 1 ■ 
From the window aboie While Uiey inurder'if tl 

sh'd liis slaugl 

And died like a Duke-and- a- Duchess's danghterl 

But steer clear of conjurors, — never put query 
To'WiaeMrs WilJiaina.'or(olkilikcBuggiori. 
When alono in yoor room shut tho dour close, and loch itl'^ 
Above all, — eeef <oub lusDKEiu.iutJ' SArK ix vocb' 
TtXXXtl [h« 

Lest yon too shoold stuinhle, and Lord Lcveaon Oowcr, 
Bo ciUl'd on, — sad poet ! — to tell your aad story ! 

ptKy fTDTD Ta[l|]1ll(rt41l 

Kuw the Duke, who had seen it so lately adorn her. 
And knew tho great C wilh the Crown in the comer. 
The instant he spied jt, smoked something amiss. 

And naid with some energy, ' D it ! what's this 7 ' 

Ue went home in a fume. And bounced into hel 

Crying, -So, Ma'am. I And Tve aome caoso to ba 
Look here 1 — hero's ■ pn»f you nm after the felWi I 


our— you know who ! 

^9M replied with much ftrmneas — ■ Hang me if I do ! ' 
^p DeGuiieen»p'd her wrist With hitgreut bony flat, 
P^sd ptneb'd it. and gave it » painful a twist, 

Tlat lis hard, iron Ranntlel the flesh went an inch in,— 
She did not minil dmlh, but iha could not ataad 
pinching ; 
So she lat down and n-rot* Thu polite litlla Bote: — 

Weslminater the Hoyul Spmiter. 

And the Duke of Leiiuter, all in order did rcpat 
'Twas there you'd see tht new Poliabemei 

Making a skrtmmage at half after four. 
And the Lords and Ladi<«, aud the Mm O'QtadjV' 

All standing round befuro the Abbey door. 

Thi^ir pilloBB scorning, that self-iame morning 

'rhemsetves adorning, all \n the eaadlo-light 
With Toees and lilies, and daf^-dgiwn-dillies. 

And gould, and jewels, and rich di'muiul) bright. 
And then approaches five hundrod CMchcs, 

Wilh General Dullboak.— Och 1 'twos mighty fine 
To trt bow asy bouhl Ciirporal Caary. ' pine 

With bis sword drawn, proncing mads UiemkapaUw 

Tlien the Guns' alarums, and the King of Anitns, ^ 

Ail in his Garten and his CInrcoee shoes, ^ 

Opening iho masv doora to the bould Amhaatrdor^ I 

The Prince of Potboys, and gT«t havtben Jews; ' 
Twould have made you eraiy to sec Kslerbaiy 

All juul's (rnu his jasey to hit di'monil booW, 
With Alderman Harmer, and that swate charmer 

The lamale heirwa. Mi-s Aoja-ly CoatU. 



rifB inooLvsBT Lsasms. 

Aod Well in gtoa.Kalkuig with his aiTOrddrsHD, talking 

To Hill and UudiDge, hatuta of great lame : 
Aod Sir Do Loe; , and the Duke Dalnuscy 

(They call'd him Sowit afore he changed his mmie), 
Themselves presiding Lord Melbonnie. lading 

The Queen, the darling, to ber rujal chair, 
And Ihet line ould [eliow, tbc Dnko of rdl-Mello, 

The Qiicca of Portiugol's ChargT-de-fiiir, 

ThcQ the Dohle Pnugiaos, likewise the RueiaiLi, 

In fine lactd jackets with their goul den cuffs. 

And the Bavuriani. and the proud nuiigiiinn;. 

And Ererythiagarians all in lun and miifl^. 

Then Misthur Sj^ee, with Miatliur Pajs Ihe Q^' ■! ■ - 

AU in the Gallerr jou uii|;ht jienove ; 
But Lord Broaghoni «as missiag, and gone ■-li-^liiiu 
Ounlj crass Lord Essex would not girehiin l.n.' 

Tberf wai Baron Alien himself exalting, 

And Prince Von Schwartienherg, and many lu. . 
. Oeh 1 I'd be Iwlher'd and entirely wnotherd 
L _To tell the hall of "em was lo the fate ; 
KlTith the BwWc Peeresses, in their crowns and "rcrac 
Wl. And Aldennaneasra. and the Boon! of Works, 
T But Mebemet Ali said, quite giatuly, 
' ' 'I'd be proud tott« the likes among the Turks ! 
Then (he Queen, Heaven bless hcri ochl iheydici Jtf^s 

In her purple ganunents and her goulrten Ctoivn ; 
Like VenuB or Uehe. or the Queon ol Sheby, 

With eighl yonng ladies huulding up her gonn 
Sura 'tuvos grand lo se« bcr, also for to he-ar 

The big dmins liating. and the trunipcls lilon-, 
And Sir Oeorgc Smart 1 Oh 1 he pUy'd a Cunsarlii, 

Witb bis foui-and- twenty Gddlers all on a row 1 
Then the Lord Atehbisbop held a giiuldeu itiih ii]>, 

For to rcsare her bounty and great wealth, 
Sayinr, ■ Plase your Glc^, great Queen Vic-tory .' 

TeB gnu the Clargy lave to dhrink yonr health ! 
Then bis HiTereace retratiog, diwoorsed the mating ; 

' BoTS I Here's your Queen I deny it if you can I 
And it any bonld Iraitonr, or infarior era vl bar, 

SneeiCB at that, I'd like to see the mnn ! ' 
Then the Kobles kneeling to the Pow'ra appealiug, 

' Heaven tend your Klajoaty a glorioiu reign '. ' 
And Sir Claodjiis tluntcr ho did r,onfnmt her. 

All in bis scarlet gown and goiddea chain. 
The great Lord Hay'r, loo, sat in his chair, too, 

But migbtr sarious, looking tit In err, 
For the Earfof Surrey, all in his bnrrv, 

Tlirowing Ihe thirteens, hit him in his eye. 
Then there was preaching, and good store of spc«ebing. 

With Duke* and Marquiiet on bended knee : 
And they did splash her with mal Maeasbur. [me '. '— 

And tlie Queen said, ' Ah ! then thank ye all for 
Then the trumpets braying, and the organ playing. 

And sweet Irombones, with their silver tones ; 
But Lord RoUe was roiling ; — 'Iwu mighty consoling 

To think his Lordship did not break his bones I 
Hen the erames and custard, and the boel and mustard. 

All on the torn ketones like ■ poullhcrer's shop ; 
Witb lobrters and white-bait, and otlier swate-meots, 

And wine and nagus, and Imnerlal Pop I 
There was eakea and apples in all the Chapels, 

With line polonies, and rich mellow peare — [enough, 
Och! the Count Von Slrogonoff. sure he got prog 

The aly ould Divil, undemathe the stairs. 
Then the cannons thnnder'd, and Ihe people wonder'd, 

Oring, ■ God save Victoria, our Itoval Qneen ! ' — 
— Oeh I if mrself ahonld live to be a hundjed. 

Sure it's th'e prandut day that 11! have seen I 
And DOW, I've ended, what I pretended, 

Tha narration splendid in swate poe-thry, 

But verv soon after fulks cbaagcd tlieir lane : 
' The netting had burst— the silk— the shalioon;— 
It had met with a trade-wind— a denced monsoon — 
It was blown out to sea — it was blown to the moon— 
They ought to have put off their journey tiJI June ; 
Snre none but ■ donkey, a goose, or baboon 
Would go up in Sovemhcr in any balloon ! ' 

Sir, this isn't a time to be crocking your jokes, '^^| 

And auch jesting your malice bat scurvily cloaks; 
Sueh a trumpery tale every one of ua smokes, 

Ind we know very well ynur whole stnry's a hoai ! 

Oh I what shall we do ?— Oh I where will it end } — 
Can nol>ody go ? — Can nobody send ^^ 

To Calais— or Bergea-op-ioom— or OstenJ ? ^^1 

Can't Ton go there yourself ? — Can't you write t^^| 

For ne»'s upon which we may eafcly depend? ' — ^^| 
Huzza! buna! one and eight-pence to pay 
For a letter from Hamhorongh, just come to say 
They deecendcd at Wcilburg about break uf day ; 
And they've lent them the palace there, during tlwir 

nd pray 

It they won't think, as ^et, about gorug RwaVk 

.withstanding, they dont moan to make miua d 


luigbty dhry.' 

Then tbevtalk'd about Green- 'Ob! 

s Miit 

And wbere's ilr Holland who hired the maebino ? 
And where is Monck Mason, the man that has been 
Up so often bclore— twelve times or thirteen- 
And who writes such nice letters describing the scene ? 
And Where's the cold fowl, and the ham, and poteen? 
'The press'd beef, with the fat cut o9 — nothing but lean. 
And the portable soup in the patent tureen ? 
Have they got to Grand Cairo or reached Aberdeen ? 

Stay I here's Mr Gye — Mr Frederick Gve — 

' At Paris,' says be. ' I've been up very n'gb, 

A CDDjJc of hundred of toises, or nigh, 

A cockslride the TuUeries" pantiles, to spy 

With DoUond's best telescope stuck at my eve, 

And my umbrella under my arm like Paul Pry, 

But I could see nothing at all but the sky ; 

So I thought wilb myself 'twas of no use to try 

Any longer ; and, feeling remarkably dry 

From sitting all day stuck up there, b"kc a Guy, 

I came down again, and-^you see — bcrc am 1 1 ' 

But hero's Mr Hughes!— What says young Sir 

Hughca J— 
' Why. I'm sorry lo say we've not got any news 
Since the letter they Ihrew Aim-o in one o( their shoes, 
Which gave the Mayor's nose sucl. a deuce of a bruiBe, 
As tre popp'd up bis eve-glaas to look at their cruise 
Over Itover ; and which Uie folks floekd to peruse 
At Sqoiers's haiaar, the wme evening, in crew*— 
Politicians, news-mongers, town-cooncil, end blues, 
Turks, Heretics, InHdeU. Jumpers, and Jews, 
Scorning Bachelor's papers, and Warren's reviews ; 
But Ihe wind was then blowing lowarda Uelvoetslnys, 
And my father and I are in lorrihlo itews. 
For so largo a balloon is a sad thing to lose 1 '— 
Here's new* eomo at last 1— Here's news come al la»t I— 
A vessel's come in, which ha» suil'd very fast ; 
And > gentleman serving before the mast- 
Mister Noke*— his declared that ' the party ha! part 
Safe across to the Hague, where their grapnel they cast, 
As a (at hnrgomaster was staring aghast 
To see such a mnnstcr come hor:ie on the blast. 
And it caught in hie waistband, and there it stuck fast !— 
O fie ! Mirter Notes.— [cr sbai-ic, Mr Nokes ! 
lo be puking jour lun al ns ptain-dealing folks— 




ow Ite^ 

And the Landgraves, and Iklargrav 

and pray 
NotwiU „, , 

pack up the balloon in a waggun or drty, 
And pop thcxnselvca into a Gennoii 'j»-iAaj|,' 
A ml giit 1 n to Paris by Lisle and Toumay ; 
W tiiTe they boldly declare, any wager they'll l*Te 1 
I i llio gas people tlicre do not ask them tv pay 
h^ufh a sum as must force them at once toiB*-II 
ri.i'v'll inflate the balloon is the Champs- ElyiAM, . 
AiJil* be back again here tha beginning of May. — 
1 1( lit me I what a treat fur a juvenile /e'(« .' 
\\ hilt thousands will flock tbeir arrival lo greet ; 
'I'hi-tc'll be hardly a soul lo be seen in the street, 
I'lT n,t Vauxhall the whole population will meet, 
Audyoull tcarcelyget Etundiiig-rocm,mucii leas aMil, 
)\jr tliia all preceding attraction must beat : 
Siiier. they'll unfold, nhat we want to be told, 
H.jw Ibey cough'd — Low they snees'd, — how I 

btijver'd with cold, — 
il'iu they tippled the ' cordial ' as racy and (dd 
A; Hi'dges, or Deady, or Smith ever sold, 
AikI how they all then Colt remarkably bold : 
llow Ihev thought the boil'd beet worth its oi 

ill gold ; 

And how Mr Green was beginning to seold 
Because Mr Mason would try to lay bold 
Of the moon, and bad very near overboard roU'd 1 
And there they'll he seen— 'heyll be all to be seen ! 
The great-coats, the cofleo-put, mugl, and tureen ! 
With the tight-rope, and lire-works, and danritig be- 

Mr Holland on one side, wholiired the m 

Mr Msaon on t'other, describing the « 

And Fame, un one leg, in tlie air, like a qneen, 

With three wreaths and atrumpct will over than Icwi; 

While Envy, iu serpents and black bombaiin. 

Looks on from below with an air of chagrin ! 

I'hcn Ihey'U play up a tune in the Hoyal &' — 

And the people will dance by the light of U 

And keep up the ball till the next &j at ni 

And Che peer and the peasant, the lord and the l4 

'The haughty grandoe, and tl ~ . 

The six-fuut iSe-guardsman, and little gossoon. 

Willoll join in three cheen for the' MonstrB'Balloea. 

... K)iiiiibcllDVt.iliat,iadncnbtiigik*iw(y 

lubci-^ lieiunir meniluiwd. lie nliitit have laM. ■lit a 


So his Lordship rang for bis cabriolet 

Tiger Tim Wsa dean of limb, 
lla boots were pollth'd, bis jacket wa* Ir 
With a very smart tie in his tmart eiavat, 

\ai a smart cockude on the top of fait hi 

Tslleat oi boji, or ahortiisi uf mca, 
lie stood in aia atociuara just four (ool ten 
And be uk'd, M bu heM Xbe door on Ike s 
' Fni;, did joor Lordship pleaie to ring ?' 


it Diaj Nobleman Gnd tc 

He piuuec , 

Ana he beld up his liat, and be peer'') in lb? crowu ; 

Ue bit bi* tip, uid he acralch'd bis bod, 

He let go the handle, ind thiu ho wid, 

Ai the door, rolnuml, behind him Wg'd : 

' An't please fou, my Lord, thcro's & mui to he hiuig'd.' 

Ifj Lord Toninodilj jump'd up at tbe noivE, 

' Hun lo MTnie, And Lieutpnnnt Tregooio. 
Aad run to Sic Coruabf Jonks, of Ihe Blues. 

Rope-discen s scora IVo imu before — 
Hodune Sicchi, Antonio, und Master BUck-more ; 

Bat to M» a man sn-ing At the end of a string. 
With bis Deck in a nooae, will be quite » new thing.' 
M; Lord TomnodJ_v Btept into hit rab — 
Dark riSe green, with s lining of drab ; 

Through street and through square, 

Hia high- trotting more, 
Like one of Dncrow'i, goes pawing Iho air, 
Adown Piceadillj aad Waterloo Mmp 
Went the bigh-lrutliog mare at a Terj qaick puce ; 

She prodnced some alartn. But did no great harui, 
Sbto Criglitcning a anise with a child on her nun, 

Spattering with cla.r Two urchins at plaj, 
Enoekmg down— very much to the sweepers dirniar— 
An old womoa who wouldn't get out of the wbj. 

And upsetting a stall Vmi Exeter Hall. 
Which mads all the pious Church -Mjasion folks Njuoll, 

But eastward afu- Through Temple Bar, 
Mj- Lord Tomnoddy dirccla hia ear ; 

Never herding their squalls. 

Or their culls, or their bawls, 
De passes hy Waithman'a Emponum for ahawb, 
And, merely just catching a Blimpso ot St. Paul's, 

Turns down the Old Bailn, 

Where in front of the gaol, he 
Pulls up at the door of a gin-ibop, and gaily 
Crias. ' What mart I fork out lo-nigbt, my trump. 
For the whole flrsl-floor of the Ui^jpie oud Stump ? ' 

Tha cKick strikes Twelve — it is daik midnight — 
Yet the Uofpie and Slump is one blue id Tight. 

The parties are met ; The lublcs iire set ; 
There is ' pnnch,' ' cold leHhoui,' • hot ailh,' heavy wet. 

Ale-guusci and jugs, And rummers and uiugs. 
And sand on the floor, without carpets or rugs. 

hout carpet) 
Pickled 01 
iJoeyt — rare work for the jaws : 

All CO 

The dock strikes One 1 Supper is done, 
And Sir Camaby Jenks is full of his fun, 
Sin^ng ' JoUy companions every one I ' 

Hy Lord Tomnoddv Is drinking gin-toddy. 
And Uufhing at ev'ry thing and ev'ry body. — 
The clock ctrikos Two 1 and the clock otiikes Three I 
— ' Who » meny, so merry as we ? ' 

Save Captain M-Fuie, Who is taking a snooie. 
While Sir Catnaby Janks is busy at work, 
Blacking bis noee with a piece of burnt cork. 

The clock strikes Four I — Bound the dclitois' door 
Are gathcrM a couple of thousand or mve ; 

A* nuuiT await At the preu-yard ^e. 
Till slowly it) fohlins doon open, and siraighc 
The mob divides, and between Ih^r rinks 
A waggon come* loaded with poets and with planks. 

The clock ilrikes Five 1 The Sheriffs arrive, 
And the crowd is so great that the street seems alive ; 

But Sir Cvnaby Jenks Blinks and winks, 
A candle bums down in tbe socket, and stinks. 

Lieutenant Tn-gooie Is dreaming of Jews, 
And acceptances all the bill - buyers rMuse ; 

Hy Lord Tomnoddy tiat drunk all his toddy. 
And just as the dawn is beginning to peep, 
The whole of the parly are fast ndeep. 
Sweetly, oh I sweetly, the morning breaks, 

Withrescate streaks, 
Like the IIM faint blush en a maiden's chotkj ; 


Seem'd as that mild uid clear blue sky 
Smil'd upon all things for and hish. 

On all — save the wretch condemn d to die I 

Alack 1 that ever so fair a Sun, 

As that n hich its course has now begun, 

Should rise on such a scene of miscrv ! — 

SbouU gild with rays so Lght and free 

That dional, dark-frowning Oallows-trec ! 

And hark t — a sound cornea, big with fate ; 

The clock from St Sepulchre's tuner strike; — Eight !- 

List to that low funereal heU : 

It is tolling, alas 1 a living man's knell I 

And see I — from forth that opening door 

They come— Hit steps that thrtshold o'er 

Who never shall tread upon threshold nuirc I 

— Ood I tis a feenotne thing to see 

That pale wan man's mute agony, — 

The glwe of tliat wild, despairing eye. 

Now bent on the crowd, now lurn'd to the ckv 

As though 'twere scanning, in doubt and in f nir, 

The path of the Spirit's uiiknown career : 

Those pinion'd arms, those hands that ae*er 

Shall be lifted again, — not even in prayer ; 

That beav'mg chestl — Enough — 'bs done ! 

The bolt has fallen t — ^the spirit is gone— 

For ivciJ or for woe is known hut to One ! — 

— Oh 1 'twas a fearsome sight t — Ah me I 

A deed to shudder at, — not to sec. 

Agam that clock 1 'tis time, tis time I 

Th Aour is past : with its earliest chime 

'{"he cord is tever'd, the lifelees clay 

By ' dungeon vitlucs ' is borne away : 

Nine ! — 'twas the last conclnding stroke! 

And then — my Lord Tomnoddy awoke ! 

Aud I^egooie and Sir Camaby Jenks aroEo, 

And Captain M'Fuie, with tbe black on his noae : 

And they stared at each other, as much as to aiv, 

' BoUo 1 H«llo I Here's a nun Go I 
Why, Captain J — my Lord I— Here's the devil lo pay I 
The fellow's been cut dawn and token away I 

What's to be dune? We've misa'd all the fun !- 
Why, theyll hiugh at and quiz us all over the tun u, 
We are aU of uB done eo uncommonly brown I ' 
What leas to be done ?— twas perfectly plain 
They could nut well hangthe man over again : 
What icut to be done ?-?rhe man was dead ! 
Nought couU be done — nought could be said; 
So — my Lord Tomnoddy went home to bed I 


In a hu'ge paved court, dose by Billiter Sqaare, 
Stands a maoBion. old, but in thoron^ repair. 
The only thing strange, from the general air j 

Of its site and appearance, is how it got there; i 

'- front Is a short semicircnhir Etatr \ 

Of stone steps, — some half score, — 

Then yoa roach the ground floor. 
With a sfaell-pattom'd architrBve over the door, 
'' is spacious, and seems to be built on Uis plan 
a Gentleman's house in the reign of Queen Anne; 

Which is odd, for, although. As we very well 
Under Tudois and Stuarts the City could show [knun-. 
Many Noblemen's seats above Bridge and below, 
*'st that fashion soon after induced tbem to go 

'om St Michael. Coruhdl, and St Maryle-Bow, 
To St Jamv and St George, and St Ann in " ' 
Be this as it may,~*at the date I assign 
To my tale.— that's about Seventeen Siity-Nine,— 
This mansion, now rather upon the declini 
ILul less dignified owners,~belaDging. ii 

There were a score Of Bagmen, and more. 
Who bad travoll'd fall oft for the firm before ; 
But just at this periul they wantM to send 
Some person on whom they could safely depend — 
A trustworthy body, half agent, half fnend, — 
On some mercantile matter u far as Ostead ; 
And the person they pitch'd on was Anthony Blogj^J 

" 1, Btendy man, not addicted lo grog, — 

— — — short, who had lost this great dog. 

I fiuljiU— b(? bfnn ■■ taaaj mi itd 

Udy wDDtd evfr a 
KlgbU'— Islhe i 

mnfllUug belter lliey have b»d binin.' 

IT was a Utter, a litter of five. 
Four are drown'd, and one left alive. 
He was thought worthy alone to suruve ; 
And the Bagman resolved upon bnnging him up, 
To eat of his bread and drink of his cup. 
He was such a dear tittle cock-tail'd pup I 
The Bagman taught him manv a trick ; 
He would CBrTT, aud fetch, and run after a stick, 

Could well uodeistand The word of cnmrnand, 

And appear lo doze With a crust on his nose 
Till the B^nao penDiteively waved his hand : 
Then to throw up and catch it he never would fail. 
As he sot up on end, on bis little cock -tail, 
"--jr waa ouppy so bien iaitruil. 

oaseased of aneh natural talent as he ; 

And as he grew older. Every beholder 
Agreed, he grew handsomer, sleeker, and bolder. — 

, however his wheels we may clog. 
Wends steadily still with onward jog, 
'-■ thecock-tail'dpunpy'sncarly-tail'ddogt [prime 

When, jnflt at the time Jle was reachmg bi 
And all thought he'd be turning out something subline 

One unlucky day. How, no one could sav. 
Whether soft liaiinn induced him to stray, 
Or some kidnapping vagabond coKi'd him away. 

He was lost to the view. Like tbe moming dew ;- 
Ho bad beoi, and was not — that's all that they knew ; 
And the Bagman storm'd, and the Bagman swore 
As never a Bagman had sworn before ; 
But itorming ot swearing but liltle avails 
To nctnei lort dogs with great curly tails. — 

The Bagman, u 

' The Sea 1 the Sea ! the open Sea I — 
That is the phice where wo all wish to be. 
Boiling about ou it merrily 1 ' — 

So all aing and say By night and by day, 
In the boudoi'r, the street, at tbe concert, and play 
ort of cozccombicol roondolay;— 
lav roam tbrongh the City, transversely or straigM^ 
From \Vliitechapel turnpike to Cumberland gate. 
And every young Ladj who tbmms a guitar, 
Ev'ry muitaehio d Shopman who smokes a cigar, 

With affected devotion, Promnlgata his notion. 
Of being a 'Bover' and ' child of the Ocean' — 
Whate'cr their age, sex, or condition mar be, 
They all of them lung for the ■ Wide, wi'de Sea ! ' 

But, however they dot*. Only set them afloat 
In any craft bigger at all than a bint, [befoew 

Take them down to the Nore, And you'll see that. 
The ' Wcssel' they ■ Woyaga' in baamadis half her way 
Between Shell-Ness Point and the Pier at Hcjue Bay, 
Let the wind meet tbe tide in the aligbtest degree. 
They'll be all ot them hcoitily sick of 'the Sea!" 

I've stood in Margate, on a bridge of size 
Inferior for to that described by Byron. 
Where ' palaces and pris'ns on each hand rise,' — 
— That ton's a stone one, this is made of iron— 
And little donkey-boys toot steps environ, 
.ch proffering far your clioiee his tiny hack. 
Vaunting its excellence-, and should yon hire < 
For sixpence, will be urge, with frequent thwack, 
The much-enduring bea^to Buenos Ayres— nod bock 
And there, on many a raw and gusty day, 

PvB stood, and tom'd my gaie upon the pier, 
And seen the crows, that did embark eo gay 
That self -same mom, now disembark so qneer 
Then to myself I've sigh'd and said, 'Oh dear I 
Who would believe yon sickly looking man's a 

London Jack Tar, — a Cheapsido BuccBuoer 1 '- 
But hold, my Muse 1 — for this lerriRc atania 
Is all too stiSly grand for our Extravaganza. 

io now well go up, up, up. 

And now we'll go down, down, down, 
Vnd now well go backwards and forwards. 

And now well go roun', roun', roun". — 
—I hope yon've sufficient discernment to sei>, 
Oentlc Bttder, that here tbe discarding tbe if 
Is a fault which yon must not attribute to me : 
Thus my Nurse cut it off when, ' with counterfeit gl 
She sung, as she danced me about on her kne«, I 

In the year of otu Lord eighteen hundred and three M 
AU 1 mean to say is, that the Muse is now free I 

From the lelf-impmed trammels put on by her beftm 
And no longer, like Filch, midst the felons and debt) 
At Dniry Lane, dances bcr hornpipe in fetters. 

Iteauming her track, At once she goes liac 
To cur hero, the Bagman. — Abis 1 and Alack ! 
Poor Anthony Blo^g Is as sick as a dog, 
te of sundry unwonted potations of grog, 
the time the Dutch packet is fatily at sea. 
With the sands called the Goodwin's a lengue 



And now, mj good frieads, I've a Sine oppodnnity 
To obfoacata nn *U hj «ea tanns with iutpoDitf , 

And UlLinK of 'wnlluBg,' And ' qiuirtcr-decif 
' Fore and th,' And ' abuft,' [walking,' 

' Hookers,' > barkers,' tad ' cinft ' 
(At which Uc Foole has so wickedly lunglit), 
Of bianwlcs. — bilboa, — the hoom call'd Ihe spunkier, 
Tho beat bower cable, — the iib, — and ibeet uiclior ; 
OS lower-dock gum, — nod i^ biotdiides and chosea. 
Of tatfruli end topslili. and aplicing main-biacn, 
And ' Stiver my tunbcn 1 ' and other odd pbnuted 
Employ'd hy old pUols with hard- featured faces-, — 
Of the expletives sea-faring Ocutlaiica me. 
The aUnuoDB tbej make to tlie cyn o( their erews: — 

How Uie Sailora, too, swear, IJow Ihey cherish their 
AndwhstTerTlong pigtails a great many wror. — [hair, 
But, Header, I scom it — the fact is, I fear. 
To bo caodid, I eui't nuike theie matters so cleu 
As MeTryat, or Cooper, or Captain Cbamicr, 
Or Sir E. Lytton Bulwer, who brooelil up the rear 
Of the ' Nauticala,' joit at the end of the year 
Eighteen thirty -nine— (how Time flies 1— Oh, dear 1)— 
With a well-written preface, to make it appear [beer. 
That his pky, the • tiea- Captain,' 'a by no meuns^tisll 
There I—' hronght up the roar' — yoo see there's a mistake 
Which none of the authors I've meatioa'd would Diake, 
I ought to have laid, that he ■ sail'd in their wake.' — 
So 111 merely observe, as the walar grew rougher 
The more my poor hero (ontioued to niBer, 
Till the SailoiGthcmsehes cried, iu pity, 'PoorBoaprt' 

And the thunder kick'd up such a halliballoo, 
That even the Skipper h^;an to look blue ; 

While the crew, who were few, Look'd very qneer, 
And fieem'd not lo know wbm exactly to do, [too 

And they who'd tho charge of them wrote in the logs, 
' Wind NJS. — blows a huiricane — rains cats and dogs.' 
lu short it soon grew ta a tempest as rude as [das,'" 
That Shakspoare describes near the ' (till vext Bermu- 
When the winds, in their sport. Drove aside from its 
TheKing'e ship, with the whole Neapolitaii Court, [port 
And swomji'd it to give * the Kmg's Son, Ferdinand,' a 
Soft moment or two with Ihe Lady Miranda, 
While her Pa met the rest, and severely rebuked 'ma 
For unhandsomely dwng him out of bis Dukedom, 
f 01) don't want me, however, to paint jou a Storm, 
As so many have done, and in colours go warm : 
Lord Byrou, for instance, in manner facetiooi, 
Mr Ainsworth more gravely, — sea also Lucretius. 
— A writer who gave me no trifling veiatinn [tion — 
When a youngster at school on Dean Colet'a lonnda- 

Suffice it lo 9sy That Ihe whole of that day. 
And the next, and the next, they were scudding away 
Quite out of their coarw, Prouell'd by the force 
Of thwe flatulent lolki koowti in Classical itory as 
Aqnilo, Libs, Notus, Austar, and Boreas, [Jersey, 

Driven quite at their merry Twixt Gnemsoy and 
111] at length they came bump on tho rocks and the 

In West longitude, On^ fifty-seven, ncai St MaIo«e ; 
There yonll not bo surprised. 
That the veasel cipaiied, [tions. 

Or that Blogg, who bad made, from intestine ccimine- 
His spocifical gravity leas than the Ocean's, [spray, 
should go floating away, 'Midst the surges and 
Like a cork in a gutter, which, awoln by a shower. 
Runs down Holborn-hill about nine knota an hour, 
You've seen, I've no doubt, at Bartholomew fair, 
Oentle Beader, — that is, if you've ever boon there, — 
With their hands tied behind them, lomo two or three 
Of bovB round a bucket set up on a chair, [pair 

Skipping and dipping Eyes, nose, chin, and lip in. 
Their faces and hair with the water all dripping. 
In an anxious attempt to catch hold of a pippin. 
That hobii up and down in the water whenever 
They touch it, as mocking the fruitless endeavoor ; 

ExactlyosPoetssay, — how,thouB;h ' 

Old Nick's Honpaieila play at bob i 

—Stay 1— I'm not clear. But ..._.. 

Twii the water itself that slipn'd from him, 1 fear ; 
Faith, I can't recollect — and I haven't LempriSre. — 
No matter, — poor Blogg went on ducking and bobbing, 
Sneeziug^ out the salt water, and gulping and sobbing, 
Shakspoare, describes all tho gualms 

Leeziue out 
st as Clareu' 


' Lord," he thought, ' what poia it was to drown I ' 
And saw great flihee with great goggling eyes, 
I OUring as ho was bobbing up and down. 

And looking as they thought him quite a prize ; 

No Buch thing. Reader ;— most opportunely tar Blogg, 
'Twos a very large, wcb-footed, Curly-tiiI'd Dogl 

I'm ncit much of a tiav'Uer, nnd really can't boast 
Thut 1 know a great deal of iho Brittany ooost. 

But I've often heard say That e'en lo this day. 
The people ol Omnville, St Haloes, and lhcr™hout 
Arc a cliraithot society doesn't much care about; 
Men who gain a subsistence b^ contraband dealing, 
And a mode of abstraction strict people call 'stealing; 
Notwithstanding oil which, they arc civil of speech, 
Above all to a stranger who comes within reach ; [Dog 

And they were so to Blogg When the curly -1^''"' 
At la^t drogg'd him out, high and dry on the beach. 

But we all have been told By the proverb of old 
By no means lo think ■ all that glitters is gold ;• 

And, in tact, some advance That most people i 
Ji^in the manners and air of a MaUrr dt Daiar. [Franci 
To the morals— (as Johnson of Chmtcrfield said)— 
Of an elderly I*dy, in Babylon bred. 
Much addicted lo Birting, and dcecsing in red. — 

Be this as it might, It cmbarraBs'd Blogg t^uile 
To find those aliout him so very polite. 

■"-£ . 

blank leather 

a ring set with diamonds, his finger that graced, 
So brdliant no one could have gaen'd thcr were paste. 

The group on the shore Caitaisled oi four ; 
You will wonder, perhaps, there wore not a few more -, 
But the fact is they've uot, in that part of the nation, 
What Malthnt would term, a ' loo dense population,' 
Indeed the sole sign Ihere of man's habitation 

Was merely a single Rude huf in a dioglo 
That led away inland direct from the shingle. 
Its sides clothed with underwood, gloomy and dnrk. 
Some two hundred yards above hi^-water mark ; 

And Ihithoi the parly. So cordial and hearty, 
" his wife, and two huls, nwdo a start, he. 

The great cnrly-lail'd Dog keeping close to his heels, — 
They soon reach'd the bn^ which seem'd partly in ruin, 
All tho way bowing, chattering, shrugging, Jlfon 

rimacing, and what sailora call parUy-v<i>iiig. 

Is it Paris, or Kitchener, Reader, exhorts 
Yoa. whenever your stomach's at all out of torts. 
To try, if you find richer viands won't stop in it, 
A basin of good mnttuo broth with a chop in it? 
(Such a basin and chop as I once heard a witty one 
Call, at the Garrick, a ' c — d Committee one.' 

tpreesion. I own, I do not think a pretty one.) 
aowever, it's clear. Thai, with sound table beer, 
Such a meas as I speak of is very good cheer -, 

"Especially too When a person's wet through, 
And it hung^, and tired, and don't know what to do. 
Now just such a mess of delicious hot pottage 
Was smoking away when they enter'd the cottage, 

And casting a trnly delicious perfus 

For, famed as the French always ore tor ragouts. 
No creature can tell what they put in their stews. 
Whether bull-lrcga, old gloves, or pld wigs, or old shoM ; 
Notwithstanding, when offer'd 1 rarely refuse. 
Any more than poor Blogg did, when seeing the reeky 
Repast phKed before him, scarce ablo to spodi. ho 
In ecstasy mutter'd, ' By Jove, Cocky-leeky 1 ' 

Id an instant, as soon As they gave him a spoon, 
Every feeling and faculty bent on the gmel, he 
No rnore bbimed Fortune for treating him cruelly. 
But fell tooth and nail on the soup and the boui'ffi. 

Meanwhile Ihat eld man standing by 

Subducted hie long coat-tails on high. 

With his back lo the Ore, as if to djy 

A part of his dresa which Ihe watery sky 

Had visited rather inclemently. — 

Blandly he smiled, but itill he look'd sly. 

And a somethmg siniBler Inrk'd in his eye. 

Indeed, had you seen liim his maritime dreas in, 

You'd have own'd his appearance was not prepoasessmg ; 


With thick wnodeu soles tui 

His nether man cased in a stripeif qHrh/ut i-hi 

his back, and n great hoi'k'd 

So that nine out of ton would be led to lapDoee 
That the penon before them was Punch in plaiji doflw I 
Yet still, as 1 told yon, be smiled tm all preaeoi, 
And did all that lay in his power to link pleasant 

The old woman, too. Made a mighty ado, 
Helping her guest (o a deal oT tho stew ; 
She fish'd up the meat, and she heU>'d bim to tlut, 
She help'd him to lean, and she heln'd bim (o fat. 
And it look'd like Hare — bnt it migtit have been Cat 
The little garpmd too strove lo express 
Theirsympathy towards the ■ Child of distrus* 
With a great deal of juvenile French BoUletie: 

But the Baeman bluff Continued lo 'stuff 
Of the fat, and the lean, and the tender and tougb. 
Till they thought he would never cry ' Hold, enouch I ' 
And the old woman's tone* became fer lesa agimable, 
Sounding like ptilet and Siicref and diabUl 
I've seen an old saw, which is well worth repeating, 

Thut says, 

' SooB ffatnnge 
Qtsnbtllj 1)0 Dtt QrenHgngc.' 
Yoiill find it so printed by Corton or EHoi^lt, 
And a very good proverb it is lo my thinkLie. 

Blogg thought so too ;— As be finish*^ bis stew. 
His ear caught the sound of the word ' JlfuriJtu." 
Pronounced by the old woman under her brcatli. 
Now, not knowing what the could mean by * Blae 
Uoconceived she refen'dtondeliCBte brewing [Dcalhr 
Which is almost synonvmons, — namely, ' Bluo Bain.' 
So ho puiBcd up his lip to a smile, and with glee. 
In his cockneyty'd accent, responded, ' Oh, Vn t ' 

Which made her understand he Was *#Vitg tcr 
So she tum'd to the cupboard, and, having some handy. 
Produced, rightly deeming he n-ould not object to II, 
An orblcokr bulb with a very long neck to it ; 
la fact you perceive her mistake was the same as bii. 
Each oi^tbem ' reasoning right from wrong premisa;' 

—And here by the way. Allow me to say, 
Kind Reader, you sometimes permit me to Etraj — .- 
Tis strange the French prove, when they lake lo ai- 
So inferior lo ns in the teienee of cursing ; [p«xsing, 

Kiuk a Frenchman down-stairs. 

How absurdly he aweaiB, 
And how odd 'til lo hear htm, when beat to a jelly. 
Rour out, in a passion, ' Blue Death I' and ' Blue Belly ! 
To return to our sheep ' from this little digtcosioa — 
Slogg's leuturea asBUmed a complacent exprenion 
As he emptied his gloas, and she gave him a fresh ooe ; 

Too little be heeded. How StA they succeeded. 
Perhaps you or I might have done, though, as he did; 

when once Madam Fortune deals out her bard ruis, 

It's amazing to think, How one ' cottons ' to Drink I 
At such timos, of all tbiugs in nature, perhaps 
There's not one that is bMf so seducing as Scknajpi. 
Mr Blogg, besides being uncommonly dry. 
Was, like most other Bagmen, remarkably shy, [ply." 

— ■ Did not like to deny '— ' Felt obliged to com- 

ylimc that she ^-^'•' *■■■" '- ' — ' ■' ■' 
For, 't 

~ ;b 

length Ui . __ 

] hinis ol a strong disposition lo dose, ' [ntoo 

a yearning to seek 'hariaontal repose,' — 

His queer-looking host, Who, firm at hli poet. 
During all the long meal had continuad to toaat [to. 

That garment 'twere mde to Do more than allude 
Perceived, from his breathing and nodding, the viewt 
Of his gnest were directj?d to ■ taking a snooie ; ' 
So he caught up a lamp in his huge dir^ paw. 
With (as Blogg used to tell it J ' afouMeer, ncivn/ oxik J ' 

And ' marshall'd ' him so ' Tbe way he should go,' 
Up-stttirs to an attic, large, gloomr, and low. 

Without table or chair. Or a movable there, 

I an old-foshion'd bediitead, much out of repair. 
That stood at the end most removed from the sbur. — 

With a grin and a shrug Thehost poinli toUteiMi 
Just as much us to say ' There !— 1 think yonll be MlwV 

Puts the light on tho floor. Walks to the doo^ 
Makes a formal &ilaam, and is then seen no moM: 
When just as the ear list the sound of his tread, 
To the Bagman's surprise, and, at flrst lo his dread. 
The great curly-tail'd Dog crept from under the bed I— 

-It's a very nice thing when a man's in a fright. 
And think's ninttots all wrong, to Gad matters all right ; 
As, for instance, whoa going home late-iah at niriit 
ThroughoChurchyard,andseeing» thing ail in white. 
Which, of counw, one is led to consider a Sprite; 
To find Ihat the Ghost Is merely a ptst, 
miller, or cholkj-faced donkey at meet; 
Or, when taking a walk as the evenings begin 
or, as some people coll it, ' draw in " 


When Itienis, loag aevcr'd br dutancf. ntt^- 

Willi what waimtE and aSoction each other thoj gnnt 

wune nodeSncd lonu, ' locmuig Jvge ' lluough Uio 
_nits UibU , rigbt in yoai patli, to four gaze, [' 
Inducing a dread 01 a knock on Uia Iiead, 
Or a tevei'd carotid, hi find that, iniliiad 
0[ one ol tho*8 rnffiaai who inurder and flMce m« 
It's /our uncle, 01 uno of the' KucalPolicfuien;' [\ 

Then the blood flows again Thiough aitco' ■^■1 
Tou'co delightod Kith what just before gave ;oa paiu : 
Von laogh at yoni fears — and jeai friend in the log 
Mprta a wetcoiDe ai cordial ai Anthony Blogg 
Now bestonr'd on Lu friend — the great cnrly-tuil'd Dog. 
For the Dog leap'd ap, and his paws found a place 
On each side bis neck in a raoine emtrace, 
And he lick'd Blogg's hinds, and be lick'd his face. 
And he waggled ' ■ " 

^Vhat,bo;ond all doubt. Ho might have found out 
BfCore, bad he not been so caecr to tup, 
'Twiu Sancbo '. — the I>og he had rear'd from a pup I — 
The Dog who when sinking had seized his hair, — 
The Dog who had saved, and condocted him there, — 
The Dog he had Icet ont of Biilltar Sqnaro ! ! 

It's passing sweet, An absidiite treat, 
L— 1 — 1. long aevcr'd br dia 
mtE and aSection 
H^peciall; too, as we very well know, 
If there seems any chance of a little eadeaa, 
A ' Present from Brighton,' or ' Token ' to show, 
In the shape of a nork-box. ring, bracclel, or so, 
That our friends don't forget us, nlthongh thej may go 
To Hamsgale, or Borne, or Fernando Po. 
If some little advantnge seems likely to start, 
From a flfty-pound note to a two-peony t«rt. 
It's snrpmng tosea bow it sofleni the heart, frirongest 
And you'll find those whose hopes from tho other are 
Use, in common, cndearuents the Ihieliesi aod lougist. 

But, it was not so here ; For although it ij cIkbt, 
Wben abroad, and ws have not a single friend near, 
E'en a cor that will lore us becomes raj dear, 
And the Italance of intentst twixt him and the Dog 
Of eoniTe was inclining to Anthony Blogg, 

Tct he, first at all, ceased To onconmge the beast, 
Perhaps thinking ■ Enongh is as good as a least ; ' 
And besides, as we'ra said, being sleepy and mellow. 
Re grew tired of patting and crying, ' Foot fellow 1 ' 
So his smile by degrees norden'd into s frown, Tdownl' 
And his, ' Tltit's a good dog I ' into ' Down, Sanebo ! 
Bat nothing coold stop his mute fav'rite's caroising, 
Who. in faet,seeai'd resolved to prevent his undresaing. 

Using paws, tAii, and head, As if he had sud, 
' Hoet beloved ol masteis, pray, don't go to bod ; 
Vou liad much better sit up, aud pat me instead I ' 
Nay, at last, when determined to take some repose, 
Blogg threw himself down on the ontslde the clothes, 

Spite of all he could do. The dog jump'd up too. 
And kept him awake with his very cold nose ; 

Scratching and whining, And moaning and pining. 
Till Bbgg really beliored bo must have some design in 
Thns breaking his rest : above ull. when at length 
The dog sentched him off from the bed by iheer strength. 
Eilremely annoy'd by tho ' tarnation whop," as it 
Is cail'd in Eentuck, on his head and its opposite. 

B!^g showed fight ; When he mw. by Ibe light 
Of the flickering candle, that bad not yet quite 
Burnt down in tho socket, though not over bright. 
Certain dark-eolour'd stains, as of Uood newly spilt, 
RevFal'd by tho dog'a having scralch'd oS tho quilt, — 
Which hinted a stSry of horror and guilt 1— 

'Twss ' no mistake,' — lie wo* ' wide awake ' 
In an instant ; for, when only decently dmnk. 
Nothing sobers a man so cotiipletoly as ' funk.' 

And hark I— what's that?— They have got into 


In the kitchen below— what the deuce are Ibcy a 
There's the ogly old fisherman scolding his wifo- 
And she — by the Pope I she's whetting a knife :~ 

At each twist Of her wrist, 
And her great mutton fiat. 

Half so much, or a dote of the best James's powder. — 
It eeaae* — all's silent ! —and now, I declare 
There's somebody crawls up that rickety slair. 

The horrid old rafllan come*, cat-like, creeping ; — 
He opens the door just sufllcieDt to peep id. 
And seta, sa ha fancies, the Bagman aleeping 1 {some 
For Blogg, when he'd once ascertain'd that thera was 
' Preciou* mischief on foot, had raolved (o play 

Down he went, legs and head. Flat on the bed. 
Apparently sleeping as sound as the dead ; [a thing. 
While, though none who louk'd at him wonid think sut^ 
Everynerve in bis frame was braced np for a spring. 

Then, just as the villun Crept, stealthily still, i" ' 
And you'd not have insured bis guest's life for asbilliiig. 
As the knife glemn'd on hi^, bright and sharp as a razor, 
Blogg, starting uptight, ' ttpp'd ' the fellow ' a facer ; ' — 
— Down went man aud weapon— Of all Sorts of blows. 
From what Mr Jackcon reports, 1 suppose 
There are few that surpass a Sash bit on tlic noae, 
Kow had I the pen of old Ossian or Homer [mer, 

(Thongh each ot these nomas some pronounce a miiuo- 

And say the flret person Was coll'd James U'Phcr- 
While, as lo the second, they stoutly declare [ion. 

He was no one knows who, and bom no me knows 
Or had I tlie qnill of Fierce Egan, a writer [where), 
Acknowledged the best theoretical ligbler [Peers, 

For Uto last twenty years. By the lirely young 
Who. dofilng their coronets, collars, and ermine, trei ' 
Boxers to ' Max,' at tho One Ton in Jennyn Street 
—1 say. could I borrow thew Oentlemon's Mnsea, 
More (kill'd than my meek oao in ' fibbings ' and bruises, 

I'd descrit>e now to yon As ' prime a Sot-to,' 
And ' regular tom-up,' as ever yon knew ; 
Not inferior in ' bottom ' to aught you have read ol 
SinceCribb,yearsago, half knock 'dMolyneux'a head off. 
Bat my dainty Drania says, ' Such things are ihocking t' 

Lace mittens she loves, Detesting ' The Gloves ;' 
And turning, with air most disdunfully mocking. 
From Melpomene's boskin, adopts the silk stocking. 

So, aa far as 1 can see, I mnst leave yon to ' fancy ' 
The thumps and the bumps, and the nps and the downs, 
And the laps, and tho ilapa, oodthe raps on the crowns. 
That pass'd 'taiit the Husband, Wife, Bagman, and Dog, 
Aa Blogg roU'd over them, and they roll d over Blogg ; 

While what's cali'd ' The Claret ' Flew over Itio 
garret ; [wbaeh'd, 

Mnrely stating the fact, Aa each other they 

With ' Htppolyte's' flmmb, and ' Alphonse's' leA esi oS : 

Next, making a stoop on The hnScting gtonp on 
The floor, t«iit in tatten the old woman's ^upon ; 
Then the old man tnm'd up, and a fresh bite of Sancbo'a 
Tore out the whole seat ot hU striped Calimancoea.— 

Really, wbich way This de^Krate fray 
Might have ended at last, I'm not able to say, 
The dog keeping thus the assassins at bay : 
But a few fresh arrivals decided the day ; 

For bouuFO went the door, In came half a scoio 
Of tho piracugen, sailors, and one or two more 
Who had aided the party in gaining the shore I 
It's a great many year* agO| — mine than were few — 
Since 1 spent a short time in old CoarageMi ; — 

I think that they say Bhe had been, in her duy, 
A First-rate, — but was then whatther term'd a .f£uJK<', — 
And they took me on board in the Downa. where she l»y. ' 
(Captain Wilkinson held tho command, by the way.) 
In her I piek'd np, on that single occasion. 
The little I know that concerns Navigation, 
And obtain'd, inter alia, some vague information 
Of a practice which often, in cbms of robbing. 
Is adopted on abipboord^I think it's coll'd ■ cobbing.' 
How It's managed exactly I really cant My, 
Bnt 1 think that a boot-iBck is brought into phiy— 
Ttiat is if I'm right i — it exoocdi my ahilily 

To tell how 'lis done ; But tho system is one 
Of which Sancbo's exploit would ineteaae the facility. 
And, from all I can learn, I'd much rather be robb'd 
Of the little I have in my purse, than bo ' cohb'd ;' — 

That's mere matter ot taste : 

But the Frenchman was piseed — 
I meau the old scoundrel whose actions we've traced — 
In such a poiilion, that, on this umnasking, (ing. 

His conseut was the last thing tiie men tbonght of a"k- 

The old woman, loo. Was obliged to go through, 
Witb her boyi, the rough diaciplius nsed by the crew. 
Who, before tbey let one of the set see the back ol Ibem, 
'Cobb'd' tho whole party, — ay, ' every man Jack of 

And now, Gentle Reader, before that I say 
Farewell for the present, and wish yon good day, 
Attend to the moral I drow from my Uy '. — 
If ever you travel, like Anthony Blogg, 
Be wary of strangers ! — don't take loo mncb grog I 
Aud don't foil asleep, il you should, like a hog I — 
AboTo all — carry with you a eurly'taii'd Dog I [ing, 
Lastly, don't act like Blogg, who, I aajr it witb blusb- 
Sotd Sancho next month for two guineas at Unibing ; 
Bnt still on these words of the Bortt keep a Gx'd eye, 
IsnnATl"- "^ ' ■ ' 


( £'JAiMjre. 

I felt 90 dingnsted with Blogg, from sheer ibunc of him' 
I never once thought to inquire mhat became of him ; 
" 'to know, Beodcr, the way. I opi 

To a 

your design,— 

Hind, il 

Since penning (b 
Has put my poor 
By writing an ess 
Spot which i 
In the Medi' 


la, a lenm'd Anllqiiary 
n DO trifling qiianduy, 
irovo that he knows a 
I is. The real ' Bermaothcs^ 
. -now call*d Lampedosa ; 
For proofs, having madei as be farther alleges, stir. 
An enliT was found in the old Parish Reguter, 
The which at his instance the cxcelloat Vicar ex- 
tracted : viz. ■ CaUban, base son of Sycorax.' [' StalT 

— He had rather, by half, Have lonnd 1 
But twos useless to dig, for the want of a pick 
Colonel Posley, bowerer. tia everywhere aaid. 
Now he's blown np tbe old Hoyal Oeorge at Spitbei 
And the great difl at Dover, of which we've all i 
Takes his whole apparatus, and goes out to look 
And see if he can't try and blow up ' the Book,' 
— Gentle Header, farewell !— If I add One more 1 
He'll be, in all likelihood, blowing up mi'iie .' ' 


The Pride of tbe Camp, the delight of tbe Fair : 
He'd a mien so itiitingui and so debonnaire. 
And sbmgg'd with a grace so rrelierdi and rare, 
Aud be twirl'd bis moustache witb so charming a 
— His moustaches I should say, bocause he'd a pui 
And, in short, show'd ao much of the true tpieoir/a 
All the ladies in Paris «are wont to decIarB, ' 

That could any one draw Them frmn IMan' 
Into what Mrs Bamsbottom calls a ' Fox Paw,' 
It would be Fraugoia Savier Augusle de BL Folx. 

Now, Fm sorry to say, At that time of day. 
The Coort of Versailles was a little too gay ; 
Tbo Courtiers were all much addicUd to FUy, 
To Bourdeanx, Chambertin, Frantignac, SL Peray, 

Latitte, Cbliteaa Marganx, And SiUeiy (a catga 
which John Bull sensibly (?) lays an embaiga) 

While Louis Qnatorae Sept about him in sc 
What tbe NoUeae, in coortaty.tcrm'd his ■ Jane Eht 
—They were calld by a much eoorwr name oul-of-d 

This, we all must admit, in A King's not befittii _ 
For such counes, when follow'd by penons of quality, 
An apt to detract on tbo score of morality. 
Praneois lavier August* acted much like the nst 'jf 
them, [of th.nTi ; 

Drcss'd, drank, and fought, and ckaaSifi with the bcit 

Took his icil de prrdrii Till he scarcely could i 
He would then ailly out in the streets for a 'spice ' 

His rapier he'd draw. Fink a Bourgeoii 
[A word which tbo English translate ' Johnny Bow ' 
For your thorough French Courtier, whcnoi 
Thinks it prime fun to astonish a citiien ; 
Aud perhaps it's no wonder that this kind of scrape^' 
' nation which Voltaire, in one of his japes, 

101 ' an amalgam of Tigers and Apes,' 
Should bo merely coosider'd as ' Little Escapes.' 

But I'm sorry to add. Things ore almost as hod 
great deal nearer home, and that similar pranks 
Amongst young men who move in the very first rauk^ 
Are by no meana confined to the land of the Fiaak'<. 

Be this OS it will. In the general, still, 

Thongh blame him we muit. It ia really but ji 

mi lively young friend, Francois Xavier Augo — 

To SBT. that howe'er Well known his faults 
At his Bacchanal parties he always dnnk fair. 
And when gambling his worst, always play'i 

io that, being much more of pigeon tlian took, he 
Lost largo soma at faro (a game like ' Blind Hookey ')■ 

And continued to looe. And to give 1 Us, 
Till he lost e'en the credit be had with the Jews ; 
And, a penJlol if I may venture to draw 
Between Franfois Xavier Anguata de St. Foix, 
* - ' bis uameaake, a still more dlstingiiish'd Prao^ 
Who wroto to hia 'swuf'* From Pavia,' 

iln InguUiby, wba U de^l; m>4 In SobM 




I have loct aU I lind ia tbs world /or* Ihonnear.' 

So St Fqix migbt tiRTe wroU tfo disaimilu note 
■ Fine la hasatdU ! (om'oiir» gat — idem umper — 
I'vf lost ill 1 bad in Ihe world bot— my temper I ' 

From tbe yerj lieguimiig, Indeed, of his cinumg, 

Hia ur wu to ehecrfm, his mannm so winning. 

Ttuit onee be prevail'd — or his friends coin tbe tale for 

him— [lor him. 

Oa the bailiff who ' Dabb'd ' bim, bimielf tc ' go bnU ' 

Well — wo knon in these cnses. 

Your ■ Crabs' uict ' Deuce Aces ' 
Are nont to promote frequent changes of plocts ; 
towa doctors, indeed, arc most apt to declare 
That there's notbiog to good ai the pure ' CLinntrj air," 
Whenerer exhaastion of person, or purse, in 
An invalid cramps bim, and Kia him B-eursing', 
A habit, I'm vcrj much griored at divulging. 
Franjnis Xawr Augustc vtm too pnjne lo indulge i"- 

But what could be done 7 Iti cleat as the siio, 
That, though oothiiig's more esij Ihan sav, ' Cut and 

Vet ■ Qoardsman cui't live without some sort of fun — 

E'en I or joa, II we'd nothing to do. 
Should soon find ourselves looking remarkably blue. 

And, since no one denies Wluit's so plain to all eves, 
It won't, I am sore, create anr surprise, 
That reflections like these half reduced to despair 
Francis Xavier Aoguate, the ga; Block Mausqueluire, 

Patience par foree ! He eoniiderd, of course. 
Bat in rain — he could bit on no suit of resourco — 

Lo>e ?— Liquor ?— Law 7— Loo ? 

Thej would each of them do. 
There's excitement enoogh in all (our. but in uone he 
Oould hope to get on w™ Tarpeiif— j', c, money. 
Lore? — ^no; — udies like little eadaaiix from a suitor. 
Liquor? — ai), — that won't do, nthen reduced lo 'the 

Then Law ? — 'tis the same ; It's .i very fine gainc, 
But the fees and delays of * tbe Courts ' are a sbniue. 
As Lord Brongham says himself- who's a very great 
name, ' [in bis 

Thokigb the TraE8 made it clear bo was perfectly lost 
Clissic attempl al tranBlatiug Demoslhenes, [articles. 

And don\ know his ' particles,' — Who wrote the 
Showing his Greek up so, is not known very well ; 
Many thought Bamn, others Mitchell — some Merivalc ; 

But it's scarce worth dcttate. Because from tbe date 
Of mv tale one conclusion we safely may draw. 
Vii. : 'twas not FVan^ois Savier Augnste de St. Foix '. 

LoD?— !Io; that he had tried : 

Twaa, in fact, his weak aide. 

Bat rmniredmoretbananyapnnewdl supplied, [story. 

* Love?— Liquor?- Law!— Loo f ' Nol 'tis aU the some 

SUy 1 1 hate it— JUa /oi ! (that's ■ Odd's Bob* 1 ") there 

« Olobt. [OBore ! 

Away with dull carel Viet le Itol! Kire In 
i'eite I Vd almost forgot I'm ■ Black Mousquetaire t 

When a man ii like me. Sant lii >oa», laru kik'i, 

A bankrupt in purse, And iu character worse, 
With a shucking bod hat, and his credit at zero. 
What on earth can be hope to become, — bul a Hero? 

What a famous thought this is t 111 go as Ulysses 
Of old did — bke bim rUscemannera and know conn tries; 
Out Toria, — and gaming, — and throats in the Luw 

Now it happeo'd just then That Field -Klorshol 
Was a good deal in want of ' some active young men,' 

ToAllupthegaM Which, tbroogh sandry mishaps. 
Had been mode in lui ranks by a certun ' Great Cond^.' 
A General unrirall'd — at least in his own day— [much 

Whuae valour was soch, That he diil not care 
If he fought with the French, — or the Spaniards, — or 

A fact which has stamp 'd him a rather ' Cool hand,' 
Being nearly related to Louit le Grand. fbrothcr ; 

It bad been all the same hod that Sing been hit 
Ul (onftbt wmetimes with one, and scraetunea with 

For «U, so exciting. He look such delight in, 
II« diimot core whom he (ought, so he uxit lightmg. 
And, as I've just sud. had amused bimaeif then 
By tickliag the tail of Field-Marshal Tutcone ; 


Since which, the Field -Marshal's most pressing concern 
Was to tickle some other Cbicr; tail in his turn. 
What a fine thing a battle ia I— not one of those 
Which one saw at the late Mr Andrew Ducrow's, 
Where a doien of scene-shifters, drawn up in rows, 
Would a do«n more scene-shifters boldly oppose, [foes. 

Taking great core their blows Did not injure their 
And alike, save in colonr and cut of their clothes. 
Which were varied, to give more effect to ■ TahUaux,' 

WhUe Stickn^ tbe Grcot Flung the gauntlet lo 
Andtoademolltremble, so gallantly did ho come [Fate, 
On lo encounter bold General Widdicombo— 
But a real good fight, like Pultowa, or Liitzcn 

f Which Gu^vus the Great ended all his disputes In), 
)r that which Suwairow engaged witliout boots in, 
Or Detticgen, Fontenuy, Blenheim, or Minden, 
Or the one Mr Campbell describes, Hohenlicden, 

Where ■ Ibe sun was low.' The ground oU over snow. 
And dork as mid-winter tbe swift uei's flow, — 
Till its colour was alter'd by General Moreau : 
While the big dnon wu heard in the dead of tbe night, 
Which raided tbe Bord out of bed in a fiighl. 
And be ran up the steeple to h»k at the fight. 

'Twas in jnst snch another one 

{Karnes only bother one— 
Dutch onee indeed are snfiicient io smother one—) 
In the Netherlands somewhere— 1 cannot say where — 

Suffice it that there La Forlune de giurrt 
Gare a cant of her calling to our Monsqnetaire. 
" " ■ ■ • ■ " H)jj Xavier Angusle, 

tl'Irl "I 

■J Lii cooknuUl,— ' 1 hnmoV W P*"*™ 

[o law is 

Than for Neelt artificit'—ao they call'd fiery 
Soldodoa at Rome, — ' arte auaperire,' 

Yet Fate did not draw This poetical law 
To its fullest extent in the cose of St, Foix. 
His Good Genius most probably found out some flaw, 

And diverted the shot From some deadlier spot 
To A bone which, I think, to the best of my memory, 'i 
Call'd by Professional men lie ' at/aaorii ;' 
And tbe boll being one of those named from its shape, 
And some fancied rcsemblaiice it bears to the giapc, 

St. Foix went down, With a groan and a frown, 
And a hole in his small-clothes the size of a crowu. — 

— Stagger'd a bit By this ■ palpable hit,' 
He tom'd on his face, and went i^ in a fit. 
Yes 1 a Battle's a very fin« thing while yonr fighting. 
These same Ups- and- Downs are so very exciting. 

But a sombre sight is a Battle-field 
To the sad survivor's sorrowing eye. 

Where those, who scom'd to fly or yield, 
la one promiscuous carnage lie ; 
When the cannon's roar Is heard no more. 

And the thick dun smoke has roU't 


» f or a last survey 

Of the well-fought field of yesterday 1 
No trinmphs Bush that haughty brow, — 

No proud exnlting took is there. — 
His uagle glance is bumbled now, 

Ao, earthward bent, m anxious care 
It seeks the form whose stalwart pride 
But yestcr-imra was by his aide ! 
And there it lies ! — on yonder bank 

Of corses, which themselves had breath 
But yester-mora — now cold and dank. 

With other dews than those of death 1 
PowirlcBS as it had ne'er been born 
The hand that clasp'd his — yester-moro ! 

And there are widows wand'ring there. 

That roam the blood -bcsprmkled pLua, 
And liilfn in thar dumb despair 

For sounds they ne'er may bear again! 
One word, however faint and low, — 
Ay, e'en a groan, — were mosic now t 
And this is Glory I— Fame 1— 

But, pshaw ; 
Miss Muse, you're growing sentimental ; 
Besides, such things iw never saw ; 

In fact they're merely Continental. 
And then yonr Ladyship forget* 
Some widows came for epaolettes. 
So go back lo yonr canter ; for one, I declare. 
Is now fumbling abonl our capsized Alonsqnetaire. 

A beetle-brow 'd bag. With a knife and a bag. 
And an old tatter'd bocBet which, thrown back, discloses 
Tbe ginger complexioa, and one ol those noses 
Peculiar lo femalea named Levy and Moses, [way, 
Such as nervons folks still, when they conie in Iheir 
Old vixen.foced tramps of the Hebrew p 

Yon remamtMr, I trust, Francois Xavier Anguslti, 
Ilad oncommoD fine limbs, and a vety fine bust 
Now there's something — I cannot tell what it maybe — 
About good-looking gentlemen turned twenty-three, 
Above all when lud up with a wound in the kac 
Which aSecta female heorfs in no canunon degree. 
With emotions in which many feelings combine, 
Very easy lo fancy, though hard lo define ; 

Ugly or pretty. Stupid or witty. 
Young or old. they experience, in country ot 
What's clearly not Love — yet it's warmer Ui 
And Hitne such a feeling, no doubt, 'tis that shiyt '^ 
The hand you may see that old Jeiebol rai 

Atm'd with the bkde, So oft used ic 
The hofrible calling e'en now she is plying, 
DcspolLug the dead, and despatching the dying I 
For these ' nimble Conveyancer!,' after such battlea 
Beading as lr«lture Irope all goods and chatteLs 
Thmk nought, in ' perusing and settling ' the titles. 
So safe oa six inches of steel in the vitals. 


Kbyt ^^H 
ingi ^B 

The knife, that was lerell'd etewhile at his 

Is employed now in ripping the lace from 1 , 

And from what, I suppose, I must call his mtotle ; 

And his pockets, no doubt. Being tum'd inside out. 
That his moxohoir and gloves may be pnt ' np the spoot ' 
(For of coin, you may well conceive, all she can du 
Fails lo ferret ont even a single ecu) ; ^^^ 

As a muscular Giant would handle an elf, ^^^| 

The virago at last lifts the soldier himself, .^^H 

And. Lko a She-Samson, at length lays him jowa ^^^| 
In a hospital form'd in a neighbooring town I ^^^| 

I am not vary sure. But I think tmta Kanutf ^^^ 
And there she now leaves bim, expect'mg a cnre. 

physic — I core not who knows 
That there's nothing on earth I detest like ■ a dose,*^ 
That yellowish- green-looking fluid, whose hns 
I consider extremely unpleasant to view, 
With its sickly appearance, that trenches So neai 
On what Homer defines the complexion of Fear ; 
XXofn* Shi, I mean, A nasty pale green, 
Though for want of some word that may better avail, 
1 presume, onr translators have rendered it ' pale ; ' 

For cousidw the cheeks Of those 'well-bootcd 
TbeirEgyptiandeseentwasaquestion of weeks; [Orcdo,' 
Their complexioo, of couim. like a balf-decay'd \tA'* : 
And youll see in an instant the thing that 1 mean in it. 
A Greek face in a lunk had a good deal of green in it. 

I repeat, I abominate physic ; but Iben, 

IE folks \eiH go campaigning about with such men 

As the Great Prince de Cond^ and Msjihol Taienne. 

They may fairly expect Tobeuowandtbenchfick'd 
By a bollel Or w.bre-cut Then their best solace is 

If he snallow'd a decent qaant, mff. at the same ; 
Thongh I'm told, in such cases, it's not tbe French |ilkii 
To pour in their drastics as fast as they can, 
The practice of manv an Enelish Bacon, J^H 

But to let off a inan With a Utile plitanni, ^^H 
And gently lo chafe the paldla {knee-j>an). ' ^^^| 
■ Oh, woman I ' Sir Walter observes, ' when the br^^^l 
'a wrung with pain, what a miULSt'rIng Angel ' at 

Thou'rt a ' mlnist'ring Angel ' in no less degree. 
I can boldly assert, when the pain's la the knee : 

And medical friclion Is, past contradictioo. 
Much belter perform'd by a She than a He. Oedge, 
A fact which, indeed, comes within my own know- 
Far I well recollect, when a yoongster at College, 

And, therefore, can quote A surgeon of note, 
Mr Grosvenor of Oxford, who not only wrote 
On the subject a very fine treatise, but, still ax his 
Patients canie in. certain soft -banded Pbylliaes 
Were at once set to work on their legs, arms, and liacks. 
And rubb'd out their complaints in a couple of cracks. — 

Now they say. To this day, 

When sick people can't pay 
On the Continent, many of this kind ot nurws 
Attend without any demand on their pnTBos ; 
And Ibesc females, some old, others sttll in their tl 
Some coll ' Sisters of Charity,' otheia ' Begnines.' 
They don't take the vows ; but, half-Nnn and J 


Attend yon ; and when yon ve got belter, they . 

' You're exceedingly welcome I There's nothing 

Our task is Bow done ; You are able to n 

Wc never luke money ; wc cure you for fun I ' 



Thni thn iiov Too * curt'«7i "i^ <"'*'' fo" K""^ ^'l*' 
And go oS ta core somebod; elie the same ir>T. 
— A great m&af of Uiera, >t the date of mj Ul«, 
!□ Kaatar w^k'd the bospitsla, iTorkboose, (Bd Jul 

Among them wm one, A most nrset Demi-niin> 
Iler cWk pensive juid p*l«; Ireasra bright u the 

Not (BiTOty — DO ; tlough jacCi tkncj you saw burn 
Such lock* u the Greeks loved, wkich modem* c»II 

Thcw "ere paitUll; seen through the retl which they 

flvi teeth were of pearl, and her lips were of coral : 
Her eye-lashes silken : her eyes, liae large bine ones ; 
Wpre sapphires (I donH call the** similes new ones ; 
But, in mrtapbors, freely confess IVo a leaning 
To such, new or old, as eonTey bcri one's meanin);).— 
Then, for Ggare ? In faith it was downright barbarity 

To mnffle a form Might an anchorite warm 
In tbe fosty sCuO gown of a Smr (b la Charily- 
And no poet could fancy, no painter could draw 
One more perfect in alt points, more free from a flaw, 
Tban hers who nam «ita by the couch of St Forx. 

Chafing there. With such care, 

And so doire-like an air, 
His leg. till her delicate fingera are chatr'd 
With the Steer's opodeldoc, joint-oil, and goulard ; 
—Their Dutch appelktion9 are really too hard 
To be brought into icme by a tranimaiine Bard. — 

Now yoa see, And agree, 

I am certain, with me, 
When a young man's laid up with a wound in liis knee, 

And a ladf aits there, On a nufa-bottom'd chair. 
To hand him the mixturta his doctcn prepare, 
And a bit ol lomp-innr to make matten aqnare : 
Above all, when the Lady's remaAablj fair, 
Aud tl • ■ — 


And may lead on to miKhief before they're 
I really dont think, spite of what friends would call his 
' Prndianl for llaitom' and graver men ' follies ' 
(Fur my own part, 1 think planting thorns on (heir 

And leaving poor maidens lo weep and wear willows. 
Is not to be class'd among mere peceaddlos). 
His '/nalfi,' I ahonld say — 1 don't think Franfois Xavier 
Entcitain'd any thonghls of improper behaviour 
Ton'rds his nurse, or thai once Ui loduco her to sin he 

While superintending his draughts and his liniment : 
But, as he grew stout. And wa) getting about, 

ThooEhtl came mto his head that had better been out ; 

While Cupid's an nrrhin, We know deserves 

birching, [in. 

He's so prone to delude folks, and lease them the lurcb 

_Twaa donblleas his doing That absolute rain 

When Woman,' aa Qddsmilh declartt, 'stoops to toUy, 
And (bids cut too late that false men can betray .' 
She ti apt to look dismal, and gniw ■ melan-cboly,' 
And, in short, to be anything rather than gay. 

I Segoea on to remark that ' to ponish her lover, 
L Wring hia bosom, and draw the ten into his eye, 
[Sliere is but one method ' which be can discover 
That's likely to answer— that one is • lo die I ' 

og — the wan and witheriog cheek ; 
liin lips, pale, and drawn apart ; 
I yet tearlen eyes, that speak 
Ihe nusciy of the breaking heart ; 
, e wasted form, th' enfeebled tone 

That whispering mocks the pityins ear ; 

'~' imploring glances heaven-ward urown, 

Li heedleas, belpleas, hopeless here ; 

se wring the false one's heart encmgh. 

If ' made of penetrable stufl.' 

And poor Tbcrfaie Thn* pines and decays. 
Till, (tung with rcmMse, St Foix takes a port-choise 
With, tar ' whecleti,' two bays, 
And, for ■ leaders,' two greys. 
And soon rcachea France, by the help of relay* 
Tiring shabbily off from Ihc sight of his victim. 
And driving as fast oi if Old Nick had kicV'd him. 
She. poor sinner. Grows thinner and thinner, 
TjMtea oil eating breakfast, and loncheon, and dinner, 
Tin you'd really mppoM she could have nothing in 

Shi> breath 'done deep sigh, threw nne lookup to Heaven, 
And all was o'er!— Poor Therbse was no mom- 
She Wat gone I — the last breath Ihut she mauagcit to 

Escaped in one holf-nttu'd word— 'twas ■ St Foil I ' 

Who can fly from himself ? Bitter cares, when yon 

Are not cored by travel — ns Horace says, ■ Cirlum 
Nan aiumum rautnnt qui rurntnf Imni mare .' ' 
It's climate, not mind, tliat b< momme men vorv^ 
Iicmor« for temptatit 

t find. i 

It is much if he slmnben at all. wliich but few 
— Fntnf<HS Xaner Augusle was an instance — can do. 
Indeed, from the time Ho committed the crime 
Which cut off poor sister Ther^ in her prime. 
He was not the same man that he had been — his plan 
Was quite changed — in wild freaks he no more led 

i ; but 5 

the VI , 

He'd scarce sleep a wink 

From company sbliDking- 

At the meas-talire, loo. where now seldom he came, 
Fish, /ri«i*»Be, .Ai«anrf™u, pMtge, or gaiue, 
Dindon asz (ru/ai, or luriot a la crimt, 
No I — he still shook his head, — it was always the same. 
Still he never eomplain'd that tbe code was lo bhunc I 
'Twas his appetite fail'd him-~no matter how rare 
And mhemhi the dish, how delicious the (are, — 
Whet he used to like best he no longer could bear ; 

But he'd there sit and stare With an air of 
despair ; [repair ; 

Took BO care, but would wear Boots that wonted 
Such a shirt too I you'd think he'd no linen to spare. 
He omitted to shave ; be neglected his hair. 
And iock'd more like a Ouy than a gay Mousquetaire. 
One thing, above all, most excited remark ; 
In the evening he seldom sat long after dark. 
\ut that then, as of ynre, held go out for ■ a lark ' 

With bis friends ; hot when they. Afttr taking 
fo/e, [a tray, 

Would have broil d bonci and kidneyt brought in on 
^Which I own I couaider a very good way. 
If a roan's not dyspeptic, to wind up the day — 
Nu persuasion on earth could induce him to stay ; 
But he'd take op bis candlestick, just nod hu head, 
Bv way ol ' Oood evening ! ' and walk oS to bed. 
Yet even when there he seem'd no better off, 
For he'd wheeie, and he'd sneeie. and he'd hem ! and 

And they'd hear him all night, [he'd cough. 

Sometimes, sobbing oatrighl. 
While his valet, who often endeavoured to peep, 
Declared that ' his master was never asleep I 
But would sigh, and would groan, slap bis furebcad, 
and weep; 

That about ten o'clock His door he would lock, 
And then never would open it, let who would knu-k !— 

Ue had heard him.'^be said, 

■ SametitDee jump out of bed. 
And talk u if speaking to one who was dead ! 

tte'd groan, and he'd nutan. In so piteous a lone. 
Begging some one or other to let him alone. 
That it rcafly would s.iften the heart of a stone 
To hear him cxdaim so, and roll upon tleaven 
Then — The bother began alw»y«Ju«(ot efeeen.'' 
Francis Xavier Angotte, as Fve lold yon before, 
I believe was a popular man in his corpj, [Nun. 

Aud his comnidea. not one Of whom knew of the 
Now began to consult what was best lo he done. 

Coout Cordon Bleu And Ihc Sieur de la Hooe 
Confoa'd they did not know at all what to do ; 
But the Cbenlier Hippolyte Ueelor Achille 
AlphoniR Stanislaus ESnile de GrandviUe 

Made a fertent appeal To the leal they tnoil feel 
For their friend, u distinguisb'd an officer, '* weal. 
' The lint thing,' be said, < was to find out the matter 
That bored their poor friend so, and caused all this 

Mori dt na vie ! ' — Here he took some rappee — 
' Be the cause what it mar. he shall tell it to me f ' — 
He was right, sure enough — in a couple of days 
He worms out the wbule story of Sister TberiH, 
Now entomb'd, poor dear soul '. in some Dutch 7Vre la 

— ■ Bat the worst thing of all,' Francis Xavier declares, 
' Is, whenever 1'>B taken my Candle up slain, 
n.. — '.-n.^^ — ;..•__.. — -npou one uf those chairs ! 

There's Tbfvftseiil 

Such a [rowu, too, she < 
That I'm really prevented from saying my pray' 
^Vhile an odour, — the very nrverse ol pert ume,- 
More like rhubarb or senna, pervades the whole 

Hector Achille Stanislaus Emile, 
When he heard him talk so felt on odd sort of feel ; 
Not that he cared for Ghosts — be was far too genleet 
Still a qneerish sensation cune on when he saw 


im, whom, It* fun, They'd, by way ol a nnn 
sou and priuciplea, nick-named £ans Pel, 
a whom they bod, jon see, 

Msrk'd as ■ Saddnceo,— 
tn his horns, sU at Once, so eomplelcly to draw. 
And to talk of a Ohost with such manifest awe I— 
It excited the Chevalier Orandville's surprise ; 
He shrugsed np his shoulders, he lum'd up his eyes. 
And he thought with himself that he could not do less 
Than lay the whole matter before the whole Hess. 

Bepetition's detestable ; — So, aa you're best able 
Paint to yourself the effect at the Hess-talle — 

How the bold Brigadiers Frick'd op thur eurs. 
And received the account, some with [ears, some with 

How the Sienr de U Rone Said to Gaunt Cordon Bleu, 
■ Afa /of— c'eil bi'en dr6U — Monseignenr, what say 

How Count Cordon Bleu [you ?' — 

Declared he ' Ihougbl so too ; '— [new ; '— 

Uow the Colonel alGrmed that ' tbe case was quite 
How the Caplains and Majors Began to lay wagers 
Haw for the Ghost part of the story was true ;— 
How, at laft, when ask'd ■ What was the best thing to 
Everybody was silent,— lor nobody knew I [do '! ' 

And how, in the end, Ihcr said, * No one could d«l 
With the matter so well, from his pmdence and ical, 
As the Gentleman who was the first to reveal 
This strange stofy- vis. Uippoh'te Ueelor Achille 
AlphoDse Stanislaus Eroile de Orandville ! 

To rescue bis Iricud from his terrible foes, 
Thoss miacbievDot Imps, whom the world, I suppose 
From extravagant notions respecting their tine, 
Uaa strangely agreed to denominate ' Bine,' 
Inasmncb aa his schemes were at no more avail 
Than those he had, early in life, found to fail. 
When he strove lo lay salt on some litUe bird's Uil, 

In vain did be try With strong waters to ply 
Qis friend, on the ground that he never could spy 
Such a thing as a Qhost with a drop in his eye ; 
St Foil never would drink now unless he was dry : 
Besides, what the vulgar call ' sucking the monkey ' 
Has much less cSect on a man when he's funky. 
In vain did be strive to detain him at table, 
TiU his ■ dark hour ' waa over— he never was able. 

Save once, when at Mess, With that tort of address. 
Which the British coll 'Humbug,' and Frenchmen 

at'* ' Blarney' in Irish— I dont know the Scutcb), 
e fell lo admiring his friend's English watch.* 

Hu examined the face And the back of the case. 
And the young Lady's portrait there, done on enamel. 
' Saw by the ukenees was one of the family ; ' [hu 

Cried ' Sitperbe ! — Ifar^nfjEifite / ' 

(With h's tongue in his cheek) — 
Then he open'd the case, just to lake a peep In it, and 
Seised the occasion to put back the minnte hand. 
With a demi-etmg^, and a shrug, and a grin, he 
Retarns the injoa and <*«(( une nfaittfiitU. — 
' I've done bim,' thinks he, ' now I'll wager a guinea '. ' 

It happen'd tbal day They were all veir gay. 

'Twos tbe Grand Monarqu^i birthday— thai is, 'twas 

St Louis's. [view aa his — 

Which in CathoUe caantriea, of course, they would 

So when Uippolyta saw Him about to withdraw, 
He cried, 'Come — that won't do. my fine fellow, Et 

Give ns five minutes longer.and drink ' Viv* U Bail ' 

FmnHiis Xaviei Augusta, Without any mistrust. 
Of Iho trick that was pUyVI , drew his watch from bis fob, 
Jaict glanced at tbe boor, then agreed to ■ bob-nob,' 

Fill'd a bumper, and rose — With ' JtfeMieurs, 1 
Be paused—bis blanch 'd lips fail'd to niter the tosit. 
Twaaelnenl — he thought it half-past ten at most — 
BvYt limb, nerve, and muscle grew firm as a post, — 
His )aw dropp'd— his eyes Swell'd lo twice their own 

And he stood as a pointer would stand — at a Obosl I 
Then shriek'd ss he fell on the flixn like a stone. 

■ Ah ! tiitler Thercse I now— do let De aluae I ' 


lt'« amaiing hj sheer peraevenuico what moo da, — 
Ai water wMta etoae b; the • Srpe cadtndo,' 
H tbej ibek to Lord Sonebody'fi niottu, ' Agaulo ! ' 
Was it not Bobert Bruce ?^I diwluru I've forgot, 
But I Ihink it was Robert— jroii'U fiiid it in Scott — 
Who, when cnrsing Damn Fortune was taught by a 

' Sho'a sure to eoioe round, if joa will bat abide her.' 

Then another Treat Rob, Call'd ' White-headed 
Whom 1 oaee «aw recoive cnch a Ihump on the ' nob ' 
From a firt which mij^ht almost an elephant brain. 
That 1 rcallr lielieved, at the first, he vas Asia, 
for he Uj like a log on bis beck on the plain. 
Till a gentleman preient accnstom'd to train, 
Dri!W out a imall lancet, and opm'd a TCin 
last beloiT bia left eje, which relieving the pain, 
Ue flood up tike a trump, with an air of disdaiQ, 

While hia ' backer was tain — 

For he conld not reFrsio' 

To whisper fen aord» oa« shaold alnajs rotain, 

A bint ne'er smpass'd, though thus spoken at raudom, 
Since Teucer's apostrophe — Nil despcroTuiiim .' 
&rim villa actnl on il, and order'd his Tandem. 

Ue bad heard St Foix say, That no ven great nay 
Fridl Namnr wos a snug little town call'd Orondprd. 
Near which, a few miles bum the banks of the Maesi!, 
Dwelt a pretty twio-sistar of poor dear Ther^ie, 
Ollheaameage,of course, tho same father, name mather. 
And as like tji Therfete ai one pea to another; 

She lived with her Mamma, Having lost her Papa, 
Late of contraband seAnaps an nnlicmsed distiller, 
And hct name was Dee Minilini (in English, iSisa Milhir). 

Kow, Uiough Hippolyte Hector 

Could hanuy expect her 
To feel much ri^ard lor her tister's ' proUctnr.' [her ; 
When ahe'd seen him lo Bhamefnlly leave and neglect 

Still, ho very well knew Id this world there are (cw 
But are ready much Christian forgiveness I ' 
Tot other folk's wrongs— i( wdl paid so lo 
And he'd seen to what oetc'fie) an^utte'conipcl beaux 
And heUf, wbow offaln hare once got out at elbows, 
With the magio effect of a handful ut crowns 
Cpon people whMo pockets boast nothing but ■ browns; " 

A few /roHct well applied Ho'd no doubt would 
Mi>s Agnai dca Uouluu to jump up and ride [decide 
A] f or a> hoad-quarl«rs, noxt day, by his side ; 
Fur tho distance was nothing, lo speak by comparison, 
To tho town where t^e Mousquetaires now lay in gar- 
rifoD ; [made 

Then he thought, br the aid Of a v«t], and gown 
Itikc those worn by the lady his friend hod betray'd, 
They might dress up Miss Agnes so like to the Shade 
Which he fancied he saw, of that poor injured maid. 
Come each night, with hor paleface, his guilt to upbraid 
Thai if once introduced lo his room, thus array'd. 
And then onmask'd as soon as she'd long enough slay'k 


Twonld be no very difficult task to persuade 

Him the whole was a senrvy trick, cleverlj' p , . 

Out (if tpileandrei^nge, by a mischievous jade I [gain — 

With respect to the scheme — though I do not calfthata 

Slill I've Known soldisn adopt a worse stratagem, 

And that, loo, among tbe decided approvers 

Of Guneni Sir David Dundai's ' Mautcuvres.' rclorer. 

There's a proverb, however, I'vo always thought 
IVhich my Grojulm other never was tired of repeating, 
'The proof of the Pudding is foaod in the eating 1 
We sli^ see. In tbe sequj, how Hector Achille 
Mad mix'd up the suet and plums for Au meaL 
Thi- night had set in ;— 'twas a dark and a gloomy one :— 
OH fl ™t St Foix to his chamber ; a roomy one. 

Five stories high, The first floor from the sky, 
And lofty cnoagh lo afford great facility 
For ploying a game, with tbe youthful nobility. Fine, 

W'crackeorpji.'adearm Bequest ,w ben they 'refeel- 
In dull cooatry qnarten, niniu on them stealing : 

And now comes the momeut— th» wnltlics and clockg 

All point to ekeeni— the bulls and tho locks 

Give way— and the party turn oat their bog-fgi I — 

With gteu &aiscle» and light, Though half in a 
A cup in her left baniL a draught in her right, [fright, 
lu her robe long and black, and her veil long and white, 
Ma'amsells Agnes dee MoulJni walks in as a sprito ! — 

Sheapprukchcsthcbed WilhthesamesUent tread 
Just as though riio hod been at least balf a year dead 1 
Then seatlnz herself on the ' nish-bottom'd chair,' 
Throws ■ cold stjiny glance on the Black Uonsqaetaire. 
If you're one of the 'play-going public,' kind Header, 
And not a Moravian or rigid Seceder, 

YouVe seen Mr Koan, I mean in that K«ne [piece, 
Of Macbeth, — by some (honght the crack one of the 
Which has been so well poiuted by Mr M'Olise,— 
tVhen be wants, after having stood up lo sny grace,* 
To sit down to his haggis, and can't Rnd a place ; [chair 

Yon remember bis stare At the high-back'd arm 
^There the Ghost sits that nobody else knows is there, 
And how, after soying, ' What man dares I dare 1 ' 

lie proceeds to declare He should not so mnol 
If it came in the shape of a 'tiger 'or ' bear,' [can 
But he don't like it shaking its long gory hair I 
While the obstinate Ghost, as determined to brave him 


And Lennox and Boss " Seem'quite at a loea 
If they ouffht lo go on with their sheep's head and 
And Lady Macbeth looks uneommonly cross; [sauce ; 

And says in a hufi It's all ■ Pn^ier stiilf I — 
All Ibis youll have seen, Reader, often enough ; 
So, perhaps 'twill assist you in forming some notion 
01 what must have been Fronfloia Xsvier's emotion 

II you fancy what troubled Macbeth lo be 
And, instead of one Bonqoo to store in his face [itoubhif, 
Without ' speculation,' suppose he'd a bract! 

I wish I'd poor Puseli's pencil, who ne'er 1 bel- 
ieve was exceeded in painting the terrihlc, 

Or that of Sir Jocbua Bcynolds, who was w a- 
droit in depicting il — vide his piece 
Descriptive of Cardinal Beaufort's decease, 

Ivhcre thatprchito is lying. Decidedly dying, 
"-- Kinj- ■ ■■ - "■ - '■ - -■ -■ 

While, close at his ear, with Ihe ai 
' Busy, meddling,' Old Ifick's grinning up in the cc 
But painting's an art I confess I am raw in, 
The fact is, 1 never took lessons in drawing 

>y his lootOi 
Lbe book&i; 

His hands widely spread, His complexioi 
Ev'ry bur Ihat he has standing up on bis head, 
As when, Agnes des Monlins first eatohing his y'l 
Sow right, and now left, rapid glances he threw. 
Then shriok'd with 8 wild and unearthly halloOi 

' STon Dieu t v'ltl deux ! 


lie (ell back — one long aspiration he drew. 
In Oew De la Bone, And Coont Cordon Blen, 
I'ominade, Fomme-de-lerre, and Ibe rest of the 
He atirr'd not,— he spoke not,— he none of tbei 

And Achille cried, ' Odzooksl I fear by hi 
Out friend, Pran9oia Xavicr, has popp'd oS 

'Twas too true I Ifuttenreui .' I 
It was done ! — he had ended his earthly career,- 
Ile hod gone off at Once with a flea in his eat; 
^Tbe Black Mousqoetaire was as dead as Small- 

A moral mare in point I scarce could hope 
Than this, from Mr Alexander Pope. 
If ever chance sbonld brin^ some Comet gay 
And pious Maid, — a», possibly, it may, — 
From KnightKbridge Barracks, and the shi 
Of Clapham Biss, as for as Kensal Creen ; 
O'er some pale marble when they join their heads 
To kiss the falling teata each otba' sheds ; 
Oh 1 may they pause ! — and thick, in sOent awe, 
He, that As reads the words, ■ Cigtt St Foix! ' 
She, that the tombstone which hor eye aotveys 
Bears this sad line, — ' Iliejaeel &eHr Therciel ' 
Then shall ihej sigh, and weep, and mnimoiLiig lay, 
' Oh I may we never play such tricks as they I ' — 
And if at such a time some Bard there be. 
Some sober Bard, addicted mnch to lea 
And sentimental song-like Ingoldsby — 
If such thoro be— who sings and sips so wi 
' ■ ' ' this Bad, thin tender slorj tell ' 


T In pc^nt of (Ule, and hu foi 

A wetw^er'sapulied To a sixpence's side, [ing 
I'ueu it's spun with the thumb up to stick on the ceil- 
Intellectoal amusement, which 

rith the thumb up to stick on the 

■ - ■ ■-* ■-— ^ovH Did 

troops,— [troops, 

seen it here practised at home by our Household 
He'd a table, uid bed. And three chairs ; and all's 

Fnm9ciis Xarier Augusta lock'd and bolted his door 
With jurt ihe same caution he'd practised before ; 

Little he knew That tho Count Cosdon Bleu, 
With ilectt* AchiUc, and tbe Sieur dc la Kouc, 
Had b«a up there liefore him, and drown ev'ry screw 

Had I done so, insieod Of tho lines yon have 
read, [dread I 

I'd have giv'n you a sketch should have lili'd you with 
Franca Xai'icr Augusto squatting up in his bed, 
• May KMod digralliin "uLt on tpptllle, 



SIR RUPERT THE FEARLESS, a gallant yontif 
Was equally ready to tipple or light, [knight. 

Crack a crown, or a boHle, Cut sirloin o,- liirottlo I 
In brief, or, as Hume says, ' to sum up the totUe,' 
Unstain'd by dishonour, unsullied by tear, 
All his iteighbcam pronautieod hun a ^<tu therall 
Desriite these perfections, corporeal and 
He hod one alight defect, vii. a nther leiin rental 
Besides, as His own'd tliero ate spots in tho sun, 
Sj it must be conftxs'd Uiat Sir Bupeit had oiw 

Being rather uuthiukiug. He'd scarce 

.\ night, but addict himself sadly to drinking, 

Aud whut moralists say Is as naughty — to plaj 
To Soitge ct A'oiV. Haiard, Short Whist, Emrt^- 
Till ;hese, and a few less defensible fancies, 
Urouglit the Knight tutheeud of his slender Gtumccs. 
Wheu at length through his booiing, 
Aud tenants refusing [ksi 

.,_ ■. _ . .■ __ [j^ jjj^ _ 

;wardSttid,'0, s 

It's I 

SuiL'i^ augbt through my hands reach'd the baker' 

Aud Ihe tradesmen in general are grown great 

Sir Rupert tho Brave thus address'J bis retainen : 
'Hy friends, since the stock Of my father 

Is oat, with the Eiirchwasser, Barbae, Moselle, [hock 

And we're fairly reduced to the pump and (he well, 
I presome to suggest, We shall all find it best 

For each to shako hands with his friends ere he gate. 

Monnt his horae, if he bos one, and^follow his nos*i 







My bcsl nay is to throw mjaelf 

SIR anpsnr TSB fbabisss. 



knight, having bow'd out liii trieods tliiu politely 
into hii skiff, tht (ttU moon gbiniiig briglitly, 
Bf tbe light of ffhosc beun, 
lie goon cpiod on the ttttam 
dome, whoK iromplenion wu fur u new crctun -, 

Pretty pink slkcn bote Cover'd tnklps nnil Ujw. 
othot respwte she mu scuitjr of clothM ; 
Hfi traditioD. botb writim ud oral, 
T giuTtioDt ITU loop'd up with bunches of conil 


Poll sweotly the nng to a ipukling guiUr, 
With silser chonia slretch'd over iSrhyihire spar, 
And she united on the Knight, 
Who. tunsied Rt the sight, 
on fonnd hii utonishmEnt merged in delight ; 
But the stream bj degTMS Now rose up I 
U at length it iavadod her vmy chemise, [ki 
liilo the hM^etdj rtrain, u the wavr- 

tnlloiT her, 
d ilowlf ahe unk, sounded faLnter and hollowi 

led I 

^— Jumping n| 

his boat And discarding 

the water he plnnged with 
bat was hoard quite diatinctlj- bj those in the hoiisf . 
own, down, [ortj falbom and more from the brink. 
Ir Rupert the Fesrlera continues to link, [Suu > 

And, fts downward he goes, Still the cold witcr 
Iitough hi* ears, and hia cjcs, and bi* month, and bis 

c rum and the bnndj he'd iwallow'd since loach 
d natbing but lemon to fill blm with punch : 
_je minutes elapaed since he enter'd the flood, 
re his heels touch'd the bottom, and stuck in the mud. 
But oh t what* sight MettheeresoC the Entghl. 
_ in he stood in tbedepthot the stream bolt upright!— 
A grand stalactite hall. Like the cave of Fiiignl, 
le above and about him ; — great fisbcs and small 
Da thronging anmnd him, regardless of danger, 
d tecm'd all agog for a peep at the slrangn-. 

n and forms to describe, language fails — 

7 odd heads and such leiy odd tails ; 

V apeda a sampls to gain, 
_.. aek all Bangerford market in Tiin ; 
• famed Ut Ujaca Would tcareel; find 

iidoSlo) I 

a sight, b«7oad aoi' of which I've made mention, 
-DonMot completelr absoib'd his attention, 
je crrstal bath, which, with water fu cltanr 

I Oeorge Boblns' filters, or Tborpe'l (which arr' 

nave ever distill'd, To the sammit was Sll'd, 
y siTetch'd ont before him, — sod ererj nerre tbrill'd 
As scoroi of jroung women Were diving and 

he vision a perfect quandaty put bun in ; — 
slightlj accoubed in gauzes and lawna, 

e floating about nim Lke so mauy prawaa 
t, who (hairing the faw peccadilloes 
i) ere he leapt into the billows 
Ha'd irreproachable morals, began 
wl ratb<T queer, aa a modest fonng man ; 
D forth tt^p'd a dame, wbom ha rceognisod sMn 
lie one be biid Ken bj the light of the moon. 
d liip'd, wbile a nft amile alloided each scnleOM, 
ir Roperti I'm bappir to make jroar acqiuuntance ; 
"~ name is Lurline. And llie ladies jou'te iivii, 
le tbe honour ta call me their Queen ; 
B delighted to *e* joa, sir, down in the Bhine bore, 
d hope 70U can nuke it convenient to dine here.' 

The Snigbt blnsh'd and bow'd. As he ogU-il tbe 
labaqaeooa beauties, then answered aloud : [cruml 
[a'am, jon do ma much hononr, — I cannot express 
e delight t shall feel — it jonll pardon my dreai. — 
bkj I Tentnre to nj, when a gentlenuu] jampi 
m the river at midnight for want of " the dompr," 

C~ nta on bisimee-hreoches and pumps; 
at hare gaeei'd — what I senaiblj feel — 
politCDe<*~rif Dol have come en dcthabiUe. 
lavc put on my rflt tights in lieu of my detl.' 
ith the ladr, ' Dear nr, no apologies pray, 
sill lake rmr " pot'lock " iu the family wav ; 

The Knight maJe a bow muri:- profoHnd Ihan beloni, 
When a Dory^faccd page opod the dioiug-room door. 

And aaid, bending bis knee, ' Mailamt,oiia»eTci!' 
Itnpert tender'dhis arm. ted Lnrlina to ber place. 
And a fat Lttle Mer-man stood ap and said grace 
What boots it to tell of the vianda, or bow sbe 
Apologiiod much for their pbuu water-soncby. 

Want of Harvey's, and Crone's, And' Burgcsi's 

Or how Bupcrt. on his side protested, by Jove be. 
Preferred hia fish plain, witboni soy or ancliovy. 

Gaffice it the meal Boastod trout, perch, and cd. 
Besides some remarkably fine salniun peol. 
TheKnight, aooth to [ay, thought much 1ms of the ^hes 
Than of what they were served on, tbe masaivc gold 

While bis eye, u it glanced now and then on the girls, 
Was caught by Iheirpernonsmucbless than their peiirls, 


decontish fish, 
>ught fairish ; but hero in the Rhine 
•ay we pique oonelrea much on vur nine.' 

And a thought coaie across him and caused bJm to mi 

■ If I contd but get hold Of some i.f that gold, 
I might manage to pay OB mj raseallj Jewa I ' 
When dinner waa done, al a sign to Ibc lasses, 
The table woe dear'd and they put on fresh gli 

llien tbe lady addrect Uer redoubtable guest 
Much as Dido, of old, did the pioos Eoeos, 
' Dear sit. what induced you to Gvnie down ai 
Rupert gave ber a glance moat bewitehiagly tender, 
Loll'd back in his ebair, pnt his loei on the fender. 

And toUherontright UowthatheayoimgEnfgltt' 
Ilail never been but at a feast or • fight ; [year. 

But that keeping good cheer. Every day m the 
And drinking neat wince all the same aa small-beer, 

nadcibansted bis rent. And, tiis money all spent, 
How be borrowed large aorns at two hundred per oenl.; 

How tbcy follow d— and then. The once civillcst 
Af men, 
.Mi.-s;rs. Howard and Oibbs, made him bitterly me it he 
'il ever raised mouey by way of annuity ; 
And his mortgagee bcmg about to torecloee, 
tlow he jump d m the river to finish bis wd« 1 
I.iirline wiis affected, and own'd, with a tear. 
That a story ao monniful bod ne'ct met ker ear; 

Rupert, boring her sigh, Ijook'd uocommimly sly. 
And laid with some emphasis, ' Ah 1 mies, hud I 

A few pounds of those metals Ton waste here on 

Then, Lord once again Of my spacioas ilianain, 
A free Count of the Empire once more I might rmgu. 

With Lurline at my aide. My adorable bride 
(For tbo paraou should come, and the knot ihoold be 
So couple so happy on earth should be seun [tied) ( 

As Sir Knpcrt tlio Brave and bis cb arming Lv-' 

Not Ibal money *B ray object — No, hiuag it 1 1 e 
And af: for my rank — ^but that yau'ii lo adorn 

I'd abandon il oil 'To remaia your true thrall, 
And instead of " tbo Greiil," be cali'd " Bup< 


— To gain but year Emilca, were I Sardaoapalus, 
I'd descend from myUuoue,and be boots at analiJiouee 

So soon after , __ 

Then averting her eye, With a lorer-liko sigti, 

' Tou are welcome,' ahe murmiir'd in tones most be- 

■ To every utensil 1 baio in my kitchen I' [witching 

Up started the Knight, Half mad «itb debghl. 

Round her finely-formed waist He inuuodlately 

One arm. which the huly most closely embraced. 
Of her lily-white fingers tbo other made capture. 
And be press'd his edored to his bosom wilb rsptnre. 
* And, 00 1' he oiclaim'd, ' !ei them go ealcb my skiff, 1 
11 be home in a twinklm^ and lack in a jiffy. 
Nor one moment proerastm«te longer my journey 
Than to put iq> tbe banns and kick out the attorney.' 
One kiss to her lip, and one squecie to her bond. 
And Sir Rupert liready was half-way to laud. 

For n sour-rifsged Triton, With teaiurea viooit 

frighten I tin: 

Old Nick, caught him op in one band though no lighi 

t^l>riing up through the waves, popped him into hii 

\Vhich some othew already bad hair-flll'J with money ; 
In fact 'twas so heavily laden with ore 
And pearls, 'twas a mercy he got it to shore: [alonir. 
But Sir Bopcrt was strong, And while pulhni; 
Still be beard, faintly sonnding, the water-nymphs' buo^ 

* Away t away I to the monnlain's brow, 
Wnere the castle is darkly Ironuing ^ 
And the vassals all in goodly row. 
Weep for their lord a-drowning 1 
Away I away ! lo the rtewarf's room. 

Where law nitb its wig and robe is ; 

Throw DS out John Doe ud Richard Roe, 

And twcetly well tickle their lobiM,' 

le uneattbly voices scarce bad ceased their yelling, 

beu Ituptft reacb'd his old baronial dwelling. 

What rejoicing was there I How tbo Toaasli did 

-.9 their pockets had gut such a drlicatc Hi 





But ob I what dunuj Fill'd tba tribe ot Ca Sa, 
VTheu thcj fonnd be'd tfae cult, and intended to pay I 
Awaj went ' eognoviti,' ' bilk,' ' boDils,' tad " eteboats,' — 
Bupnl detiei ofl »I1 ecoros, and louk proper reecipti. 

Now no mom he sends out Fur poU u[ brown stout, 

Enrol himwlf oue ot a Temp 'ranee Socielj, 

All riol eechsw, Begin lite anew, 
Anil new-cushioQ lud luissKKk tbe fsinilf pew ! 
Nhv, Iu slnngthca bim moio iu bis now niode o( life, 
Ue bddlf detenniiiea to lake bim a wife. 
Now, many would think that the Knighf, fiom a nice 

Of bjnOBr, sbonld put Lnrline's aamo in the licence, 
And Ihat, for a man oE bil breeding md qDalilf, 

To break faith and trotb, Confinn'd hj sn Oalb, 
la not quite conaigfeDt with rigid morality ; 
But whether the Djmph n-ns K>rgot. or he thongbt h'>r 
from her eiaence scarce wile, but at best wife -and -water. 
And declined ai unEoiled, A bride lo diluted — 
Bo thii as it may. He, I'm sorry ia aay 
(For all things considered, I own 'twos a rum thing), 
Msde piopaaals in form U> Miss Una 7on— something 
(Her oame hai escaped me), sole heiteia, and mece 
To a highly respectable Justice of Peaeci 

'Thrkebappy'stben'ooics That's not long a-doing,' 
So macb time is saved in (be biUiaz and coomg — 
The ring is now bought, the while laronn, and gloTiss, 
Aud all tbe ft cetera which crown people's loves ; 
A raagnificeni hride-calB comes hotoe from the baker. 
And Listlj appears, from the German Long Aero, 
That shaft which tie sharpest ia all Cupid's ({uiver is, 
A plom-colour'd coach, and rich Pompadour Ijverics. 

'Twas a comely sieht To behold the Knight, 
With bis beaatifol Diide, dre«'d all in while. 
And the brideoiiaidl lalr with their long lace veil], 
As they all walk'd up to th4 altar raib, 
While nite UtUe boys, the ioeeuso diaptnaen. [ct^nsets. 
Mnrch'd in front with white surplices, bonds, ood gilt 
With a gracious oir, aud a smiling look. 
Moss John bad opeu'd bis awful u>ok, 
And hod read so far as to ask if ki nsd he meant ? 
And if ' bo know any just Cause of impediment ? ' 
When from base to turret the castle shook ! 1 1 
Then came a sound oi a mighty rain 
Dashing agumt each storied pane, 

The wind blew loud. And a coal-black cload 
O'eisb.idow'd the church, and the party, and crowd 
How it could happen Ihey cotild not diiine. 
The momuig bad been so remarkably fine t 
Still ibe darkness incrcaaed, till it roeched such a pass 
That the saxloneta hastened to turn on the gas -, 

But harder it ponr'd. And the thunder roar'd. 
At if heaven and eikith were coming togBLhcc : 
None ever had witnest'd snch tenible weather. 

Now louder it crosli'd And tbe lightning tiaih'd, 
Exciting the fears Of the sweet little dcora 
la the reils, as it dancvd on the braai chandeliers ', 
The parson ran ofl, tliough a slout- hearted Saxon, 
Wbeu he found that a Hash hod sot fire tu his eaxon. 
Though aU the rest trembled, as miebt t>e expected, 
Sir Bupert was perfectly cool and collected, 

Aud eudeavoured bo cheer His bride, in hei car 
Wliisp'ring tenderly, ' Pray don't be [righten'd, my dear ; 
Should it oven set fire to the casUe, and burn it, you're 
Amply insured both for buildings aiid furnitnre.' 
But now, from wilhoDt. A liuslworthy scout 
Hush'd hurriedly iii> Wet through to ibo skin, 
Informing bis master, ' the river was riaing. 
And fluodiag Ibe gionnds in a way quite surpriHOg,' 
Ue'd no time to m mote. For already the roar 
Of the waters was heard as Ibey reach'd the church -dooi, 
niila, high on the first wave that loU'd in, was seen. 
Riding proudly, the form of tbe angry Lurtinc ; 
And all might observe, by ber glance fierce nod stoimy. 
She was stung by tbe iprtlm irtjunafomK. 
Vf\a.i she said to the Knight, what stu! *ajd to the bride. 
What she sold to the ladies who stood by ber side. 
What the said to the nice little boys in white clotnee, 
Oh. nobody mentions, — fur nobody knows ; 
For tbe mof tumbled in, and the walls tumbled out. 
And the Colts ttunbled down, all confusion and rout, 

TberoiukcptonpouriDg, Tbe flood kept un roaring. 

The hillawa and watar-nymphs roU'd more and more in ; 

Ere tbe close of tbe day All was clean waih'd 

One only sarTived who could band down the news, 
A little old woman who opened the pewi ; 

She was borne off, tml stuck. 

By the greateet goo^ 'nrk, 

Named Sbylodt, of Venice, at arrant a ' tcrew ' 
mev tntDsaetioas as ever you knew ; 
corbitant miser, who never yet lent 
A dncat at less than throe hundred per cent,. 
Insomuch that the veriest spendthrift in Venice, 
Who'd lake DO more care of liis poundi Ihan hi* pcnj 
g preffi'd for a loon, at the very first sight 
s tcroui, would hack out, and take refuge in i 
not my purpose to pause and inqoiro 
might not, in managing thus to retire, 
Jsmp out of the frying-pan into the fire ; 
Sulhce it, Ihat folu would have nothing to do. 
Who could poEsiliiy help it, with Sbylock lbs Jeir. ' 
But, bowerer discreetly one cats and conlrjvea, 

1^ been most of as taught in the cour«e of oi 

That ' Needs must when tho Elderly Gentleman drin 

Iu proof of this role, A Ihooghtlets young U 

eiiing' (Fayno Collier would read 'cwiUing'] 

And inviting bis friends to dins, breakfast, and sap. 
Had sbmnk bis ' weak means,' and was 'atump'd and 

Took occasion to Bead To his very good friend 
Antonio, a merchant whose weolth had no end, 
And who'd otfen boforo bad the kindness lo lend 
Uim large sums, on his note, which he'd uuuuiged to 

' Antonio,' said he, ' Now listen to me ; 
1 ve juiit hit on a scheme which, I Uiink you'll agree, 

... _.. .,._.■ . — bad design, raunc. 

""'" bool and 

Aud which, If it succeeds, will s 

In vain was Iheir search Alter aught in the church, 
Tbey caught noth'mg but weeds, and perhaps a few 

Tlie Humane Society Tried a variety 
Of methods, and brougbt dqwn, to drag for the wreck, 
tackles, [taclcG. 

But they only Ssb'd ap tbe clerk's torttiisesbell spec- 

lola has a moral. Ye youths, ob, beware 
Of liquor, and bow you run after the fair I 
Shun playing at sAorJs— avoid quarrels and jars — 
And don t lake la smoking those nasty cigars I [eyed 
— Let no ran of hod luck, or despair for some Jewess- 
Damsel, induce you to eontcmplata suicide I 
Don't sit up much later than ten or eleven t — 
Be up in the morning by half alter seven I [carriage, 
Keep from flirting — nor risk, wam'd by Rupert's mis- 
An action tor breach of a promise of marri^e ; — 

Dont fancy odd fishes 1 Dont prig silver dishes I 
And to sum up the whole, in the shortest phrase I know, 
Bbwabi of tugHuin^e, axi) take cask ov thk RhikoI 

rwtderlDgs, Blr Fcrwlns hid eUber K«d Mlianl ot 
iatVMaj, HweUJIrtf baCunlitaet as wltb wiae 

Bard a1 Avua hu omltud If this tolutlon tn not 
can unl.T My, with Ur, I'lilT. tbu pivbabli ' [<iu ui 

itoo, HIM \rj tiena j 

l>rvMiibm tod uad 
bi Heria. and UejF wy imporlanUii. 
• • • II u>u« to (DkunluJERf thai Mi 

fDkis tbcre iro two 410 tilll 
Mhcr br Kvlnta. Ths D 
Kgntou bavB cuplna of Uu < 

U eom- 

' In tbe first plaM. you know all tlie money I>e gnl, 
Time and oftcB, (ruin you has been long gone to i>ol, 
And iu making those loans you have made ■ bad sho 
Now do as the buys do. when shooting at sparrows 
And torn-tits, they chance to lose one of their 
— Shoot another the same way — IT! watch wcU 
And, turtle to tripe. III bring both of thera backl 

So list to my plan, Aud do what you 
To attend to and second it, that's a good mc 

' There's a I^y, young, handsome, beyond all eom- 

A place they eal! Belmout, whom, when I was there, dI 
Tbe suppers and parties my friend haiA Mouutfeirat 
Was giving last season, we all used to store at. ' ' 
Then, as to her wealth, her solicitor told mine, 
Besides vast estates, a pearl-fisticry, and gold mill . 

Her iron strung boa Sccins bursting ib loekl. 
It's stuff'd so with shores iu " Qrand Junctions " w 

" Docks," 
Not lo speak of the money she's got in the Stocks, 

Frcncb.Dulchand Brazilian, Columbian, and Clij- 
In English Excbeqner- bills full boif a million, [lian. 
Not "kites," nionuioctured lo cheat ood. inveigle. 
But the right sort of " flimsy," all sigu'd by I&ateogb*. 
Then I know not how mnch in Canal-shares and I^l- 
And more speculalions 1 need nut detail, ways [ways. 
Of vesting which, if not so safe as some think 'ent, 
Coutributo a deal to improving one's income ; 

In short, she's a Mint I — Now I say,doncois int 
If, with all my experience, I can't take a hint. 
And her " eye's speechless messages, " plainer than priul 
At the time that I lold you of, know from a squint. 

In short, my dear 'Tony, My Iriisly old P.i ~ ' 
Do stump up three thousand once more ns ■ loo 
Am sure of my game — though, of course, there an bi 
Of all sorts and Biiea. preferring their suits 
To her. you may call the Italian Miss Craitta, 
Yet Fortia — she's named from that daughter of Ci 
Is nol to be snapp'd up like little potatoes. 

And 1 have not a donbt I riioU rout everv loa 
Ere you'll whisper Jack Ttobinson — cut them all OM. _. 

Snrinonnl eiery barrier, Cany bsr, many hwf ' 
— Then hey 1 my old Tony, when once fwrly nnosnJ, 
Fur her Three- and -a -half per Cents — Now and Bedneed 1 

With a wink of his eye His friend nude reyly 
In his jocular manner, sly. caustic, and dry 
■ Still the some boy, Bassanio — never say ■■ die "t, 
—Well— I hardly know how I shaU do't, but 111 U 
Don't suppose my affairs arc at all in a hash. 
But the fact 's, at present I'm quite ont of casn ; 
The bulk of my properly, merged in rich cargoes,]^ 
Tossing about, as you know, in my Argosies, 
Tending, of course, mv resources to cripple, — I 
're one bound to Eng^d.^auother to Tripoli — 
Cypnu— Masnlipatom — and Bombay r — * 

A sixth, bv the way, I cooaign'd foDier Bi 
To Sur Gregor M'Gregor, Caeiqua of PoyaJi, 
A country where silviT'i at eoiiaixn as fljy. 




Mnntime, UU thej tack And come, Mine of tbem, 

Whit with cniUim-hoilM duties, and billa falling due. 
Mt Kcconat with Jones Llofd and Co. looka rather bine ; 
While, ai for the " readv," I'm- like a Chorch-niouce,— 
1 rpiill; dont think there's fire ponndl in the hoiue. 

Bat DO THHtlcr foi that, l>tt me jtist get mf hat. 
And uif new iitk ombrella that stiuidi on the mat, 
And well go forth at once to Iho msrkpt— we two, — 
And try wbnt m; credit in Venice em do ; 
1 stand welt on 'Change, and. when all's «aid and dono, 1 
Don't doBbt I shall get it for love or fur moQc)-.' 

Thej were going to go, Whan, lol down bclrjw 
In Ihe Btrcct, they heard somebodj crying, • Old Clo' 1 ' 
— ' By the Pope, Ihere'i the man lor our jinrpose !— I 

We slioald not hare to search long. SolnnJo, run you, 
— Salarino, — quick ! — haste 1 ete ho get out of view. 
And call in that scoundrel, old Shylcck the Jen ! ' 

With « Vftck, Like a tack 

Of old clothca at his bade, 
And three hats on his head, Shylock coine in a cnici, 
Saying, ■ Best yon fair. Signior Antonio ! — vat, pray. 
Might your vorship be pleoshcd for tovant in ma vny? ' 

— ' Why, Shylock, although Aa yon very well 

I wn what they call " warm," — pay mi way ai 1 go, 
And, as t« mrself, neither borrow nor tend, 
I can break throagh a rule to oblige an old friend ; 
And that's the case now — Lord Bassanio would msn 
Some three thooaand ducats,— well, — knowing your 

And that nonght's to be got from yon, MT what one will. 
Unleas you'ie a couple of names to the mil. 

Why, tor once, I'U put mine to it. 

Yea, seal and sign to il — 
Now, then, old Sinner, Jet's hear what you II say 
Aa to " doing " a bill at three months from to-diiy ? 
"Three thousand gold ducati, tnind — all in good Ingii 
Of hard money— no sealing-wai, dippers, or rags ? ' 

• —Veil, ma tear,' says the Jew. • I'll see vat I <-nn 

Mishtcr Antonio, hark jon, lish funny [Jo! 

yon lay tfl me, " Shylock, ma tear, ve'd have money ? " 

Vcn you Tory icU knows, How you sbpil on my 

, , aae nnnghtj rords— c*U ma Doc— and avouch 

Bat 1 put too much int'resbt py hall in ma pouch. 
And vhite I, like de resht of my tribe, shrug and croucb. 
Yon find fault mit ma parkins, and say I'm a Smooch. 

— ^VcU 1 — no matters, ma tear, — Von vord in 

111 hv fricuda mit yon bote — and to make dat ippenr, 
Vy, ni find yoa de raouios as soon a« yon vill 
Ctaly von littel joke musht be put in do pill ;— 

' Ma tear, you musht say. If on <acb and such ilny 
Soch sum, or such sums, you ihall fail to repay, 
I shall cut vhcre I like, as de porgain is proke. 
A fur pound of your Ocah — chut by ray of a joke,' 

So novel a clause Caused Basanio to pause ; 
Bnt Antonio, like mort of those sage ' Johnny Baws ' 

Who care not three straws About Lawyen or Lawp. 
And think tbcaply of * Old Father Antic' becaiiEw 
They have never experienced a gripe from his clawf , 
■ Pooh-pooh 'd ' the whole Ihing.— ' Let the Smouch 
have his way. 

Why, what care I, pray. For his penally ?— Nay, 
It's a forfeit he'd never expect me to pay ; 

And, coma what come may, I haiiily need say 
My ships will be back a full month ere Ihe day.' 
So. anxious to lee bis friend oft on bil journey. 
And thinking the whole hot a paltry winceni. ba 

Affii'd with all ipoe* Bia name to a deed, 
Daly atamp'd and drawn np by a sharp Jew attorney. 
Thus again fnmilli'd forth. Lord Bataanio, instead 
Of squandering the cash, after giving one niTFad, 
With fiddling and masqaei, at Ihe Saracen a Head, 

In the morning ' made play,' And without more dc- 
Started off in the slaainboat for Belmont neit day. [lay, 

Bnt BCHitely had he From Uieharbonr got free, 
And left the Lafpinea for the broad open s«a, 
Ere the 'Gbaoga and Rialto both rang with the news^ 
That he'd carried off more than mere ca.^h from Ihe Jew'!. 

Though Shylock was old. And, if rolling in gold. 
Was as o^r a dog as you'd wiih to behold. 
For few in his Iriba "tnongst their Levis and Mosesc* 
Sported w Jewish an eye, beard, and nose as his, 
Stjll, whata'er Ihg opiniont of Horace and nmc be. 

To feeungs so truly reciprocal brooght bei. 

That the very same night B^sanio thought right 
To gire all his old friends that farewell ' invite.' 
And while Shylock was gone there to feed out of spile. 
On ' wings made by a taUor ' the damsel took flight. 

By these ' wings ' I'd express A grey duffle dres, 
With braa badge uid mulSn cap, mode, as by rule, 
For in upper-rlasi boy in the National School. 
JpssT nmudi'd the house, popp'd her breeks on, and 


Disguised, bolted off with her beau — one Lorenm, 
An ■ Unthrift,' who lost not a moment in whisking 

Her inlQ tb« boat. And wis fairly afloat 
Ere her Pa hod got rid of the smell of the griskin. 
Next day. while old Shylock was making a racket, 
And tbr«il«nlng how well he'd dost every man's jacket 
Who'd help'd her in geltmg aboard of the packet, 
Bsssiinio at Belmont was c^ering and prancing. 
And bowing, and scraping, and smging. and dancing, 
Making eyas at Mi« Portia, and domg his beat 
To perform the polite, aud to cot ont the rest ; 
And, if left to bcncU, he no doubt hod sncceeded. 
For none ol tham walti'd m gaatatlj aa ha did ; 

Jd'do; ^^_ 

s ' i V 


_ Bvarj gallant, who caught sight of her, thought bcr 
Jewel— a gem ol the very flnt water ; 
Mk lintstltiu trrucn 

But on obslodc lay. Of soma weigh), in his way, 
ThedofnnelMt.P.whowasnowfurn'dloclay, [roea " 
Had been on odd man, aud, (bough all for (be best 
Lcf( but a qooer sort of ' Lost wiU and lestamenl ' — 

Bequeathing her hand. With her bousis and laud, 
£c., from motives one don't nndentand, 
Aa she revienced his mcmoty. and valued his blessing. 
To him who should turn out the beat hand at guessing ! 

Like a good girl, she did Just what she was bid, 
In one of three culcela her picture she hid, 
And elapp'd a conundrum atop of each Ld. 
A couple of Prinees, a black and a white one, 
Tried first, but they both failed in chocoiDg the right one. 
Another from Naples, who choe'd bis own hones ; 
A French Lord, whose gracesmight vie with Count D'Or. 
say's i — {hma : — 

A young English Boron ; — a Scotch Feer his neigh. 
A doll drunken Saxon, all moustache and sabre : 
All follow'd, and all had their pains tor tbcir Ubour, 
Donanio come last — happy man be hii dole 1 
Put his ODniaring cap on, — comider'd the whole,— 

The gold put uida aa Mere * hard food lor Midos.' 

The sil ver hade Imdge As a pole ' common drudge ;' 
Then choosing the litilc lead box in the middle. 
Camo plump on the picture, and (onnd out Ihe riddle. 
Now, yoo'ro not inch a gotno aa to think, 1 dare lay, 
Oentle Bender, that all this was done in a day. 

Any more than the dome Of St Peter's nt Rcme 
Wot biult ia the umc spow of time ; tai, is fact. 

'Whilst Baisanio was doing His billing and cwiing 

Three mtrnths had gone by Era he reach'd u>e fifth act 
Meanwhile that unfortunate bill became due. 
Which his Lordship had almost fo^ol, to the Jew, 

And Antonio grew In a dence of a stew. 
For he could not cash up, apita of all be could do; 
(The Utter old Isnielita woold not renew ;) 
What with n>ntraiy winds, storms, and t 

embargoes, his 
Funds were all stopp'd, or gone down in ! 
None of the set havmg come into port, 
And Shyiock's attorney was moving the Court 
For tha forfeit suppoeed lo be set down in sport. 

The serious news Of this step of Ibe Jew's, 
And his flx'd reaolutjon all terms (o refuse. 
Gave the newly-made Bridegroom a l^t of ■ the Blur;,' 
Especially, too, as it came from (be pen 
Of his poor friend himself on the wrading-day, — then. 
When Ihe Poison had scarce shnt his book up, and v>h<.'ii 
The Clerk was yet ottering the final Amen. 
' Dear Frieaa,' it continued, ' all's np with me— I 
Have noOiing on earth now lo do but lo die I [debtor : 
And, as death clears all score*, you're no longer uiy 

1 ihonid take it OS kind Could yon come— ni'Ncr 
mind — [letter!' 

It your tovo don't pereuada yon, why, — dont let Ibis 
I hardly need say this was scarcely read o'er 

Ere B post-chaise ond four 

Was brought ronnd to the door. 
And Bassonio, though, doubtless, he thought it a 
Qava bis lady one kiss, and then started at score. 

Journey must lake on Ihe instant to Padua ; 
Fmd out there Bellario, a Doctor of Lun s, 
^Vbo, hke Follett, is never left out of a cause. 

And give him (his note, Whidi I've hastily iiTote. 
Tnie Ihe papera he'll give yoo — then push for toe ferry 
Below, where Pll meet you, youTl do'l in a wherry. 
If yon can't End a boat on the Bronla with sails lo it 
— Stay, bring hi* gown loo, and wig with three tails 

Qioi-onni (that's Jock) Brought out his hack. 
Hade a l>ow to his mislreai, then jump'd on ils bark, 
Fnt his hand to his hat, and was off ia a crack. 
The Signora soon follow'd, benelt, taking, as her 
Own escort, Nsri^aa, her maid, and Boltbasnr. 

' The Conrt is prepared, the Lawyen are met, 

I'ha Judge* all ranged, a terrible show I ' 
A^ Captain Mncbealb savs, — and when one's in debt, 

The sight's as unpleasant a one as I know. 
Yet still not lo bad after all, 1 suppcce. 
As if, when one cannot discharge what one owca. 
They should bid people cut oB one's toes or one'a nose , 
Yet here, a worao fnle, Standi Antonio, of late 
A Merchimt, might vie e'en with Princta in state, 
Witii his waistcoat uobutton'd, prepar'd for the knife. 
Which, in taking a pound of flesh, must take his life ; 
—On (ha other side Shylock, his bae on the floor. 
And three shocking bod hats on his bead as bafore, 

Imperturbable stands. As he waits (heir commanda 
With his scales and his great auicJi^R'-tnia in his bandt - 
—Between them, equipt in a wig. aown and bonds, 
With a very smooth face, a yoan^ dandified Lawyer, 
Whose air, ne'crtheles*, speaks him quite a top-sawror, 

ThouEh his hones are but feeble, Docahispuui'lif* 
To make tLc bird Hebrew to mercy incline, 
And in lieu of his three thonaand ducats take nine. 
Which Bassonio, for reasons we well may divine, 
Shows in so many bags all drawn np in a lino. 
But vain are all cfforU to soften him — still 

He points to the bond He so often hai conn 'J. 
And soya in plain terms hell be shot if he will. 
So the dondined Lawyer, with talking grown hoarse. 
Says, ' 1 ean say no more — let the law taka its ccunii.' 
Just fancy the glemn of the eye ol the Jew, 
As he sfaarpen'd his knife on the sole of his shoe 

From the toe lo the heel. And grasping the ateel, 
With a busincas-like air wM beginning to faal 
Whereabouts he should cut, as a butcher would vesl. 
When the dandified Judge put a spoke in his wbcd. 

•Sloy. Shylock,' says be, ' Here i one thing— -you sue 
Thia bond of yours gives you here no jot of blood I [mud— 
—The words ara " A pound ol fieah,"- that's clear a* 
Slice away, then, old follow— hot mind !— if you spill 
One drop of his claret that's not in yonr bill, 
I'll hang you, liko Uaman I— by Jingo I will I 

Aa iu Shylock, who crlcd^ ■ Pl«h wi ^ 



OS went hi* three li4t«, And bo bolud u the eaii 
Do, whensvn' x DWuse hu ccceped irom their cliivr, 
'— Ish't thit law?"— why Uie thing won't adiuil of 

' No doabt cf the f&et. Onlj look at the nrt -, 
Jflfo ouiBto, foiJ i Urllo, Dogi'talirri — 

Htj 3, rslher Oiui cut, you'd relinquish the debt, 
The Law, Master Shy, his ft bold on Ton yet. 
See FdMsri's " Statutca at largo" — " U a Strutger 

The Law, Hosier Shy, his ft bold on Ton yi 
See FdMsri's " Statutes at Urco'"— " U » S' 
A Ciliien'i IJ« ihiU, with tnidiee endanger, 

Tbe whole of hii property, tittle or gnat, 
Sboil g4, OD CODTIctiOIl, DBS hiU to Uw St«te, 
And one to the person ponued by hi* bate ; 
And not to crtmte Any further dvbile 
The Dogo, if he pleosos, may out oft his pate." 
So down on your marrowbones, Jew, ond ask mercy ! 
Defendant and PUintiff are now iMiy aeriy.' 

WtaX need to declare Haw pleased tliey ill «w 
At so joyful ID end to so sad an affair ? 
Or Bostanio's delight at the turn things hod tak^n, 
His friend having saied, to the letter, his bacon ? — 
How Shyloek get shaved, and turned Christian, though 
To save a life-int'reat m half bis estoU ? \inU 

How the dandified Lawyer, who'd managed the Ihmg, 
'" " it take any fee Cor his pains but a ring 

tVhich Mrs Baasonio bad givou to her opou! 
With injunclioBS to keep it On leaving the bouse r — 
How when he, and the spark Who appear'd i 

Hod thrown oS their wigi, and their gon-O), and their 

jetty coats, 
There stood Ncrissa and Portia in petlicoals? — 
How they pouted, and flouted, and acted the cruel, 
Because Lord Ba<sanla had not kept hit jewel ?~ 

How Ihey Molded and broke out, 

Till, hating their joke out, [bL'Kn!, 

Tbc7 kia'd, and were friends, nod, all blessing and 

Drove home by the light Of a mwnsbiny night. 
Like the one in which Truilus, tliv brave Trujan knight. 
Sat astride on a will, and sigh'd alter his Cressid ?- 

AH this, it Iwerc meet, I'd go on fo repeat. 
But B Btory spnu out so's bj no means a treol, 
So. Ill merely reUts wbat, in spite of the pains 
1 have token to rummage among his rfmaios, 
No ediliMi of Sbakspeare, I've met with, coDlaios ; 

In an HS., then, sold Fur its faU weight in gold, 
And knock'd down to my friend, Lord Tomnoddy, I'm 
It's recorded tbat Jessy, coquettish and lain, [told 

6ive her husband. Lorenzo, a good deal of pain ; 
Being mildly rebuked, ^o levaoled again, 
Ron awar with a Sc4>tchnian, and, crossing tbe main. 
Became known by the uatnc of the ■ Flower of Duin- 

Tbat Antonio, whose piety caused, as we've seen, 
Km to (pit npoB every old Jew's gaberdine, 

Add whoso goodness to paint All colmirs ncie 
Aefluired the well-merited prelix of ' Saint,' [faint, 
And the Doge, bi> admirer, of honour the fount, 
Haiing given hiin ■ patent, and made bim a Count, 
Be went over tu England, got nafralizcd there. 
And tspoused a rich heiress in Ilonover Square. 

That Shyloek came with him, no longer a Jew 
But converted, I think may b« possibly tree. 
Bat that Walpole, <u these «rtf-sBme papers aver, 
Bt changing tbe y in hii name into er. 
Should iltow him a fietitimis auniame to dish up. 
And in Serenleen -twenty -eight make him ■ Bishop, 
1 cannot beliete—but shall sTdl think them two men 
Till some Sage proves [hu tact ' with his usual aeuinni.' 

Froffl this tale of the Bard It's uncomnioaty hard 
If an editor can't draw a uuiral, — Tii dear, 
Thea,~ls et'ry young wifo-ieokiog Bachelor's cor 
A maxim, "bovo all other storio, this one dimns, 
' PiToti Gkcxk to olu Uahby, Via stick to Com s- 

■ lou'rc 

Honied men npon 'Change and rich Merchants it schooU 
To look well to usets— nor play with edge tool) I 
LhI of all, this remarkable llisiory showi men, 
IVbat caution they need when they deal with b!J- 
cluthonien I 
Bo bid John and Mary To ininJ and be wary, 
._. . . neof tlicm comedown the an' t 

Vnm 9t. lluk ' 

U Msrwillw, 
US poMTmntnwnMooMttubevciybMrtuI 
it Sir POFgrtne iDBOldab;, Ukd ■ tdddi loan. 
- -~— -So pcux dT Rnwkk. thtre In cxuuit 
> to provo, Vuling puucm In II 
DB tbe mppoflltliHi (lul ns uur wi* put! j oadar(4kpn 
<r poUlltial MTVaMi wM this oplokn la mncli urenillienH 
r oeniln airuiloui In kieisI of bli IcUcn • after 
' la IHtut, Sb- UoTice Hwiii, Ibmi acting In ' 
,._^ ^ --liooghlSBl 

17 ID tbe Omrt of Tux 


f her piiDclpaL 

«, tbdugh tlH eoHloglod ncordi E< tbe 
ft <M wMv ufu kiKJIa ' uav« ban In vain couolLed f<c tbe 
se or OiIhk Ihetr prtdn datf. and even Ui. BfaaiiMoKD'i 
ctabuUltdUiteifrDtai whicb nt tbe n^al stock reliHiy 
I tbs none of FemiDuil Is tbe bem of tiia kseBd. Tbe 

it^ln, tbe SpanUi IjiiHO to wbotu he wu Cb , . .. 

lubcilo, and iiiii BUuctai — It li a pnnllni affidr lUoiMber. 
FniDi bli awn allcaca go the «l|]Ht It un bo well rimbi 




ITH a moody air, from morn lil! nooB, 
King Ferdinand paces the royal saloon ; 
From mum till eve He does nothing hot grieve •, 
Sighing and sobbings his midriO heave. 
And nn wipes his eyes with his ermlned sleeve, 
And he prases his feverish hand to his brow. 
And he imwns and he looks I can't tell you hnw. 
And the Spanish Gmndee*, In their dcgrcee, 
Are whispering about in twos and in threes, 
And there is not a man of them eeems at his eaae, 
But tbn gowmt the monareb as ntAehing what he docs, 
Witk their very long whiskers, and longer Toledos. 
Don Ouspor, Don Giistaan, Dm J«*n, Don Diegn, 
Don Gomel, Dun Pedro, Don Bios, Dun Rodrigo, 
Duu JcToma, Don Giuccmo Jmu Oral Alplionso 

Id making iuquirieR Of gravo Don Iloiiurei, 
The GhambraJun, wlint it is mikei bim take on so ; 
A Moaarch ao great that the soimdott opinions 
Uointain theeun can't let tbronghoot his doiiiiniont. 

B«t groT* Don Romina Jn nessing no nigher is 
Than the other grave Dmm who propound these 

inqniries ; 
When, pausing at length, os beginning to tire, hit 
Majesty beckons, with stately civilitr, 

To ScBor Dud Lewis Cond£ d Aronjuei, 
Who in birth, wealth, and consequence second to (ew is, 
And Sellor Dun Uauuel, Cunnt de Pucheco, 
A lineal descendant from King Pharaoh Kcco. 
Both Knights of the Golden Fleece, high b(»n Hidalgos, 
With whom e'en the King himself quite as a ' pal 'goes. 

' Don Lewis,' saye he, ' Just listen lo me ; 
And yon, Count Pacbeco,— I think tbat we three 
On mailers of state, lur the must port agree, — [ago, 
Now you both of you know That some six yeiis 
Being then, tor a Ring, no indiRerent Bean, 
At tiso altar I took, like my forbears o( old, 

The Peninsula's paragon. Fair Blancbeol Aragon, 
For better, (or worse, and to have and lo holj — 

And you're fully aware. When the matter took air. 
How they shouted, and fired the great goos in the 

Cried " Piea .'" and rung all the bells in the steeple. 
And all thai sort irf thing Tbe mob do when a 
Brings a Qneen-Consort home fur the good o( his people. 

Well I — six years and a day Have flitted awav 
Since that blessed event, yet I'm sorry to say — 
In fact it's the principal cause of my pain — 
I don't see any signs of an Infant of Spain 1 — 

Now I want lo ask you, Cavaliers true. 
And Cunnsellois sago — what the deuce shall I do? — 
The Sttla— dont you we?— bey?— on heir to the 

Every monarch, yon know.sbould hare one of bit own — 

Dlspule.1 succession— hoy ?— terrible Oo 1— 

Hum — hey ? — Old fellows— you see !— don't yoo know ?' 

Now Header, dear. If ymiVe ever beea uew 
Enough to a Court to encounter a Peer 
When bis principal tenant's gone off in arrear. 
And his brewei baa sent in a long bill fur beer. 
And his butcher and boket, with faces austere, 

Ask him to clear OB, for funiidi'd good chMr, 
Bills, they say, ' have been standing for mure than a year,' 
And the tailor and shoemaker also appear 

With their 'little account' Of- trifling amount.' 
For Wellingtons, waistcoats, pea-jackets, obd — gear ' 
Which to name in sooie^ 's thought rather queer,-* 
While Drummond'schief clerk, with bis pen in bk ■ 
And a kind of a sneer, ssjs, ■ We've uo effects her«l 

— Or if ever jouVa seen An Aldermau keuD J 
After turtle, peep into a silver tutecn. 
In search of the fat call'd par acdUium < „ 
Whentbere'snoneof tbcmeatleft — not even thol^ 
—Or if ever you've witneas'd tbe face of a aftilix 
Retum'd from a voyage, and escaped from a gnle, d 
Fotliei ' Boreas,' that ' blustering roiler,' 
To find that his wife, when he bastcns to ' luU 
Has just ran away with his cash — and a lallor- 
If one of these coses yon've ever Burtcy'd, 

Toull withont my aid, To yourself b«*e 
The beautiful mysliflcation display'd, 
And the puxiled expression of manner and tit 
Exhibited now by the dignified pair, 
Whea thus nnsxpeetsdly isk'd tu declare 
Their opinions as Cooncillora, several and jtrint, 
On SO delicate, grave, and impoitont a point. 

Sellor Don Lewis Conde d'Aranjaet 
At length (urccd a smile 'twixt the prim anJ the graa. 
And lookd at Pacheco — Pacheoo at him — 
Thpu, making a rev'rence, and droppms hia eyci, 
Cuugh'd, hemmed, and deliver'd himsell in this wUe: 

'My Liege 1 — nnaccnstom'd as I am to speaking 
In public— an art I'm remorkablv weak in — 
I ti'cl I should be — quite unworthy the name 
OF a man and a Spaniard — and highly tu blame. 

Were there not in my breast What— cant be 
exprest, — 
And con tJierof ore,— your Mojaetj, — only be guoi^ 
— What I mean to say ii— since jonr Mojwly deigjB 
To ask my odvice on Vour welfare-nmd Spainls— ' ■" 
And oa that of your Majesty's Bride — that is, WlfH 
It's the — as I may say — proudest day of mj life 1 ' 
But OS tu the point — «n a sulq'ect so nice 
It's a delicate matter to give one's advice, 

EspeciaUy too, When one dout clearly timi 
The best mode of proceeding,— or know what to di 
My decided opinion, however, is this. 

Hero (he noble Grandee Made tbat sort of eoag^ - 
Which, as Hill used [o say, ■ I once happri^d to t* ' 
The great Indian conjuror, Ramu Samee, 
Moke, while swallowing what ail thought a regvlai 

choker, ^^ 

Til. a. small sword as long and as stiff as a poker. J^| 

Then tbe Count de Pacbeco, ^H 

Whose turn 'twas to speak, o- ^^H 

-milting all preface, exclaiin'd with devotion, ^^M 

' Sire, I beg leove to second Don Lewis^ motion I * ^^ 

e coidd not 

Now a 


Monarch of Spain Of ■ 

n not a Sub, 

To expostulate, argue, or, much less, complaii 

Of an answer thus giv'n, or to ask tham again 

Su he merely ohserved, with an air of diadiun, 

' Well, Gentlemen, — since you bothsbrinkfnauthafl 

Of advising your Sovereign— pray whom al '■ * ' 

Each felt the rub And i '■ 
Much lens an Hidalgo, can stu 

So the noses of those Costiliau OrondeM 
Rise at once in an angle of several degrees, 
Till the undor-lip's aimost becoming Uio aim 
Each perceptibly grows, loo, more stiff in thi 

iWrnghthandstest On the left side lh*lii 
While the hUtfi of their swords, by their loft hi ~ 

&liiko the ends of their scabbards (o oock up heUl 
Till they're quite hnrisontal iuatcud of ineluad. 
And Don Lewis, with scarce an attempt to dugn' 
Tlie disgust he experiences, gravely replies, 
■ Sire, Bsk tbe Arcbbisbop--^ Ontce of Toledol 
Uv imdetstands these things much better than w« 

— Pduea Verba ! — enough. Each (ami off in 
This twirling his moustache, Uiat flngering his nifl, 
I.ifco a bluB-liotlle By on a wlher iaree scale, 
Willi a rather large corking-pin stock Uiniiij^ his tau 

IKlog Fonliiiuid pacec the ray*) aJoon, 
Wil£ ■ moDilT brow, ud be loolu like a ■ Siic 
And all tlia Conit Nabtci wbo fonn Ibe rin^, 
HsTe > spoony appeanmce, of course, like Uio King, 
I " " ' ■ 



[ All of them ejeinz King Ferdinand 

L As he goei ap 4Dd down, icitb bis ntli 

E Which he cUps to bia eu SI be walk) to wid fro, — 

id down, Kith bisnilcb in hii hui>l. 



Whit ia it cao make the Archbishop so alow 1 
Hntk 1 at luit there's a lonnd in the eourtjard belon, 
Where the Boofcalcrs all ate drnnTl op in a row,— 
I would say the ' Guard*,' for in Spain thejVe iu chief 

Of oouitlUt and garlick, ami can't be calldd Bticrciitcn ; 

In (mI, of the few Individnals I knew 
Who ever had happen'd to trarel in Spain, 
There has scarco been a person who did not eompluia 
Of their Nokerj and diEhea as all bad la graiu. 
And no one, Im snre, will deny it who'a tried a 
Vile compound th«T have that's called OQa poilriila. 

(This, by-the-by, 's a more ityma to the eye, 
For in Spanish the i' is pronovnced Uke an e. 
And they'ie not quite oar mode of pronouacing Uib iI, 
In CaitiUe, for iiiitance, it's givon througli the l«eth. 
And what we call Madrid they sound more lik« Mad- 

Of course you will sec in a moment they've no men 
Tbit at all eonespond with our Bcefeating Yeouicn ; 
Sq call Ihcm ' Walloons,' or whatever you please, 
By their rattles and sl^ they're not ' stMiding at case." 

Bnt beyond all disputing, En^iged in uluting 
Some very |^at poison among the Grandeei ; — 
Ifere a Gentleman Usher wulLi in and declares, 
'Hu Oraco the Archbiabop'a a-coming np-staint' 

'Tbe mcst Reverend Don Garcilasso Qnevedo 

Was just at this time, as he Kow held the riiinaoy 
(Always attached to the See of Toledo), 
A nian of gctiA worship o^cii virliUe 
Versfd in all that pertains ta a Counsellor's dutr, 
Well skill'd U) combine Civil law with divine ; 
a statesman, ii^erior to none in that line -, 
As in orator, too, He was equall'd by few ; 

' Club-bouse !— Charles Philli[ 
and Phiilimiite. 
Not only at home But even at Roma 
There was not a prelate among them could eopn 
With the Primate of Spain in the eyM of the Pope. 
(TbecoDclBTe wufull.and they'doot a*pnrehat,orhi 
'd long aiooe been Cardinal, Legat* i taUrt, 
A digniQ' fairly hii due, without flillary, 
I, 6o much he excited among all heholdecs 

Their marvel to see At his age— thirty-three — 
L Such a T«7 old head oa toeb vrry yoon^ shoulders.) 
[ No wonder the King, then, in this ■■■- •■■-• — 
" ■ lad for so sage an adviser i 
>, youll reodilj guess, Ci 
tt off at oncf , without stopping to dress, 
Q get Majesty oat of a mess. 

His Grace the Arehbi«hop eomce on the back away— 
' Set apart for such Nohlee u have the mttA, 

Vit. Grandees of the Erst cUss, bolh olcric and lay — 
Walks Dp La the moDareh, and makes him a bow, 
A> a dignided clergyman alwayi ktiows how, 
Then repUee« th« mitre at once on his brow ; 

For in Spain, recollect, Ai a mark of respect 
To the Crown, if a Orandee uneoven, it's quite 
Ai a matter of option, ind not one of right ; 
A Ibing not conceded by «ur Royal Masters, 
Who aJwayi make nobletnen take oS their ' cs>tn(> * 

Excfpt the heirs male Of John Lord Kiusate, 
A iUlwait old Baron, wbo, acting, aa Henchman 

Allow'd him thenceforward to aland with his * tile ' on ; 
And all his successors have kept the same privilegx 
Down fmn thoea borbarout timea to our civil age. 
Beloming his bow with a slight domi-bob. 
And replacing the watch in bis hand in his fob, 
■ My Lord,' said the King, ' hereV a rather tough job. 

Which it seems, of a nrt is, To paulo our Corlet, 
And iluea it hat ijuite flabberg«stod that Dial, I 
Look to your Oraee with no little anxiety 

Concerning a point Which has quite oat of joint 
Put na ill with respect to the guod ol aociety : — 

Your Grace is aware That we've not got an Heir ; 
Now, it seems, one and all, they dunt stick to declare 
That of all oui adviicn there is nut in Spun one 
(tan t«ll, like your Grace, the best way to oblain one : 
So rut your considmng c»p on— we're curious 
To I«un joaz receipt for a Prince of Astnriu. 

One without the nice tact 

Of his Grace would have hocked 
Out at ODO!, as the Noblaneu did, — and, in foci, 
lie was, at the first, rather posed how to act — 

One moment — no more I — Bowing then as before, 
He said, ' Sire, 'twere superflaous for me to acquaint 
The " Most Catholic King " in the wcsld that a Saint 

Is the uanal resource In these eases, — of course 
Of their inftueDce yoBi Majesty well knows the force; 
If 1 may be, therefore, allow'd to suggest 

\Vhom,as Spain'spatroD Sa'uit,Ipick outlrom , 

If your MaJEsty looks Into Gulbric, or Brooks, 
In all the approved geographical hooka 
Yon will find Compostella laid down in the maps 
Some two hundred and sev'nty miles off ; and, perhaps, 
In a ca<e so important f ou may not decline 
A pedestrian excuruon to visit hit shrine ; [shoes 

And, Sire, should yon cbooHS To put peas iu yunr 
The Saint, as i Gentleman, can't well refuse 
.So distingnish'd a Pilgrim, especially when he 
Considers the boon will not cost fa'im one penny ! ' 
His speech ended, his Grace bow'd, and pnt on his mitre 
Aa tight as before, and perhaps a thoDght tighter. 

' roob 1 pooh I ' says the King, 

' I shall do no such thing 1 
It's Dotuense, — Old fellow — you see — no nso talking — 
The peas set apart, I abominato walking — ' [mc? 
Kueh a deuced way off too — hm? — walk there— what 
Pooh I — it'* no Qo, Old fellow 1— yon know— don't you 

- Well, Sire,' with mnch swectneii the PreUlo replied, 

- If your Majecty don't like to walk yon can ride '. 

And then ii yon please. In lieu of tho pens. 
A small portion A horao-hiir, cut fine, we'll insert, 
As a substilulo nndcr your Majesty's khirt ; 
Then a rope round yonrcolkr instead of abteedbond, — 
A few nettles luck d into your ilajesty^ waistband, — 
AEsafntida mix'd with your bov^f and civet, 
111 warrant you'll find yourself right as a trivet 1 ' 

' Pooh 1 pooh 1 1 tell you,' 

Quoth the King. > It won't do I '— 

' -"Id perepirailoa began to bedew 

itajesty s check, and ho grew in a stew, 

a Joii de Humet, the King's privy-pnrse-keepcr 
(Many folks thought it could scarce have a worse keeper). 
Came to the rescue, and said with a eoiile, 
■ Sire, your Mijedy ean'l go— 'twould take a long wb'Je, 
And you won't post it under two bhilijiicm a kileI I 

Twentj-sevcn pounds ten To get there — and then 
Twenty-seven pomids ten more to get bock agen 1 1 
Sire, Uie foflte t enormous— you ought to ba King 
Of Golconda as well as the indies, to fling 
Such 1 vast sum away upon any such Uiing ! 

But seeing tho King secro'd himself 
He changed his demeanour, and grew tninoth enough 
Then taking his chin 'twill his finger and thomb, 
As a help to refleclioq, gave vent to a ' Ham 1 ' 
"TwM the pause of an instant — his e^ ossanied fast 
That expression which aajs, ' Come, I've got it at last I ' 
■ There's one plan,' be resmned, ■ which with 

Your Majesty, no one, I think, can object to — 
—Since your Majesty don't like the peas in the shoe — 
Travd — what say yon to buruingajew or two? [or to 

Of all cookniet, most The Saints love a roast I 
And a Jew's of all othets the best dish to toast ; 

And Ihen for ■ Cook We have not far to look — 
Father Dominic's self. Sire, your own Grand Inquisitor, 
Luckily now at your Court is a visitor ; 
Of his Rcv'nence's funclions there is tvk me weightier 
Than Herelic-bDming- in lad, tis his mfiltr. 

Beside* Algoaiilt Who clill follow his heels. 
Be has always familtaia enongh at his beck at home. 
To pick yoQ np Hebrews enough for ■ hecatomb I 
And depiend on it, Sine, each a gloriom specific 
Would make every Queen throughout Europe prolifiel ' 

Says the King, -That'll do! 

Pooh ! pooh 1 bom a Jew ? 
Bum half a score Jews — burn a dcien — bum two — 

Your Grace, il's a match I Burn all voa can calch, 
Men, women, and efaiidren — Pooh 1 poo^ I great and 
small- [al' ' 

Old clothes — slippers — sealing-wax — Pnnh ! burn lli( 

For once we U be gay, A Grsnd Aulo-da/t 
Is much better fun than a ball or a play t ' 
So the warract was nuule out without more delay, 
Drawn, sealed and delivnr'd. and 

(SignedJ rO EL BE! 

There is not a nilion in Europe but Inbaars 
To toady itself and to humbug iu neighbours — 
' Earth has no sueb folks — no folks such i city, 
M great or so grand, or so fine, or so pretlv,' 

Said Louis Qustorze, ' As this Paris li onnl' 
—Mr Daniel O'ConncIl exclaijiis, ' By tho Pow'it^ 
Olid Ireland's on all bands admitted to be 
The first floVr ol (he esrth, and first Gi'm of tbe sea I *— 
— Mr Bull will inform yon that Neptonc, — a tad he, 
With more of affection than rev'rence styles ' Daidy,' — 

Didnot Bcmplo to'tay To freedom one day,'' 
That if ever he changed his aquatics for drv laud. 
His home should bj Mr B.'s ■ Tight little island.'— 

Ho ad(^ too, that he. The said Mr B , 
Of al! possible Frenchmen can fight any (hree ; 
That, with no greater odds, he knows well bow to 

To meet them, defeat them, and beat thefn, and eat 
-In Italy, too, 'tis the same to the letter, [thein — 

There each I-ozurone Will crj to his eronv, 
See Naples, then die I and the sooner the batter ! ' 
I'he PactugDTEe say, as a well understood thing, 
Whohosnot seen Lisbon bu not seen a good tbingl'--^ 
While an old Spanish prvverb runs glibly as under, 

'" StVtLLA 

Seville has ne'er viow'd a 
And from all I con loam this ii no loch great blunder 
In fact, from tho river, Tbe famed QundaltiuiTT^r. 
Where many a knight's held cold steel throngh bis lirtr. 
The pro)^o<^ St grand. The Iftnla Mayor 
Has a Epimdid ^cct on the opposite shore. 
With it* lufty OiralJa, whUa two or Ihrev score 
Of magnificent ctrucliirea around, perLups more 
As our Irish friends have il, are there ' to the ft 
Then the old Alcazar, More ancient by foi 
Ai some say, while some call it one of the palacfl«^ 
Built in Iw-elve hundred and odd by Abdol Aii, 
With Its htxu-shoe-ihaped archee of arabesque ttieeiT', 
Which the architect seems tobavestndied to place awiy, 
Saracenic and rich ; Andmorebaildings 'thewhieh, 
Al old Lilly, in whom I've been looking a bit o' tate^ 
Says, < You'd be Iwred should I now recapilulife; ' 
'In brief, then, the view Is so fine and so new, 
It would mike you exclaim, twonld so forcibly strike ya. 
If aFronchman.'Su^Mrbef ' — if an Englishman, ' Crikc^l 
Yeal thoaorCWonnniFui,!'— lot oh, 

"lis sad to think, 'mid eccaes Co bright 
As thine, fair Seville, sounds of woe. 

And shrieks of pain and wild affright. 
And soul-wnmg groans of deep despair, 
And blood, and death should miog^ there ] 
Yes I thou art ' WnNDERruL I ' — the flames 

That on thy towers reflected thine. 
While earth's proud Lords and high-bom I 

Descendants of a mighty line. 
With cold onaltcr'd looks are by 
To gme, with an unpitying eye, 
On wretches in their agony. 
All speak thee ' WoMnKsroi. ' — tbe phris* 
Befits thee well— the fearful blaze 
Of yon piled faggots' lurid light. 
Where writhing victims mock the sight,— • 
Tho scDrch'd limb shrivelling in its CDaios,— 
The hot blood psircli'd in tleiHp veins.— 
The enckting nerve — the fearlii] knell 
Wrung out by that remorseless Im^ — 
Those shouts from baman fiends that swell) — 
That withering scream, — that fianljc yell, — 
All, Seville,— oU loo truly teU 
Thou art a > Hobvkl '—and a Hell 1 
God I — that the worm whom thou hast msd4 
Should Ihos his brother 

far, -WM 
lalacM^ 2 ^ 


Count deeds tike these good servi 
And deem THINE eye 

good ser 
I looks an 

« dwie. 

Yet there at his ease, with his whole Court arrmnd hiir. 
King Ferdinand ails ' in his Globt '— confouud him !- 

Leaning back in his chair, With a (ntisfied air. 
And enjoying the bother, the smoke and the smothrr, 
With one knee eock'd careltdsty over llie oth<T; 

His ponncet'box goes To and bo at his unei. 
As somewhat miiliking the smeU of old clolbce. 
And seeming to bint, by this action emphatic. 
That Jews, even when routed, ate not aromat 

There, too, fair ladie* From Xercs, and G 
Corolinos, and Jnlios, and fair iBeiillae, 

And dark-eyed JacintJias and soft Isidorw, 

An crowding tho ■ boi«,' and looking en ciwdly *a 

Though "iTvas but ono of their eironuwi tjaV«yj», 


I'luUkiDg, w affud, of irifer uid lers, 
Snon-witer, uid melouc cut out into slicca, 
Aud chacoUtti,~funiiih'd at coBec-bousi' prieaa ; 

Whils mknj a nutor, And gay coadiQU)c. 
la the Mtiug-uid- drink] Qg Itoe sconu to be neuter ; 
Oaa, being perhaps just idura'd vitb bis tutor 
From travel in Eagiuid, U tempting his '^tire ' 
With & luinrj neat u iinported. ' n« Fewter,' 
And ehuming the dooi Vjolmtes and lAeaes f aess's ;' 
With s tbree-eonior'dSruidii'ich.uidwujifon oi- Ouin- 
Whilo uiolher, from Parii but neirly come back, 
Hints ' the Imat U*te in life ' of the bast eogniae. 

Such ogling and ejeiag, Id short, and sncb 9ig:hiiig 

And each comuliineiitiDg (one must not aa.y I g]. 

Of iniirt CavulieiB with each other still vying, 

Mii'd up with the cijing, Aj)d groans of the dying, 
AU hissing, and epittiog, and broiling, and Crying. 
Form a scene which, although there can be no denying 
To B bon Caduitique it may prove edifying, 
I doabt if a Protestant Bmart Beau, or mcriy Bell*, 
Might not shrink from it as somewhat too terrible. 
It's a qnestion with me il von ever eurvey'd a 
More stotn-lookinE mortal than old Torquenisdu. 
Rcnown'd Father Dominie, famoos (or twisting doni- 
-cstie and foreign Decks all over Christendom ; 

Morescoca or Jews, Not a peony to choose, 
It a dog of a heretic dare to refuse 
A glass ul old poft, or a slice from a griskin. 
Hie good Fadre soon would so set bim a frisking, 
"" "Iwouldaot,fur— morethanlUsay— bainhisskin. 


. some two, three, 
Of wretchfs, whose eyes, nose, complexion and bair 
Their Jcwbh descent birt too plaiuly declare. 
Each clothed in a gaiment more frightful by far, a 
Stnock-frock sort of gabenliuo, coll'd a Smaarra, 
With throe times the number of devils Bpon it, — 
A proportion observed on the sueiu-loard bonnet. 
With this further distinction — o? mischief a pn»( — 
Thut every (iend Jack standi upright on his hoof ! 

While the pictured Somes, tpreod Over body and 


^^^Bmajost the same thing with bis own raceattd nation, 
^^Hgpd Cbfistiau Dissenters of ererr persuasion, 
^^t^ Mnggletonian or Quaker, 6r Jumper or Shaker, 
Ho matter with whom in opinion partaker, 
fieorge Whitfield, John Bunyan. or Thomas Git-aoe, 
The; d no better chance than a Bonze or a Fakir ; 
If a woman, it &kill'd not — if sbe did not deem as he 
Bade her to deem touching Papal supremacr, [ber 

By the Pope, but he'd uudie her I From enor awake 
Or else — pop her into an oven aud bake ber I 
Ko one, in short, ever came half so near, as he 
Did, to the full extirpation of herc^ ; 
And if, in the times of which now I am treating, 
There bad been such* thing as a' ManeheatDr Meeting,' 
■ Pretty pork ' b'd have made ' Moderator ' and ' Minister,' 
Uad he W caught thon on his side Cape Fiaisterre;— 
Pye Smith and the re«I of them once in his bonlirr, hence- 
-forth you'd have hoard tittle more of the 'Com^eresce.' 
And there — on the appasito side of tbe ring, 
He, too, sits ' in his Q::Ohv,' confronting the King, 
With bis cast-iron countenance frowning austerely. 
That matched with hn m bonpoint body but gueerly, 
For though grim hii visage, his perwn was pursy, 

Beijing the rumour Of fat folks' good humour; 
Above waves his banner of ' Justice and Mercy,' 
Below and aroond stand a t«rri!ble band ad- 
■dm^ much to the scene — cii. The ' Ro\j Samaadad,' 
That s ' Brotherhood,' — each looking grave as a Orand- 

Not ' dandified ' clearly, as certainly ' varmonl,' 
Being all over vipers and snakes, and stuck thirlc 
With mnltiplied riUoueUe profiles of Nick ; 

And ■ cap of the same, All dcrils and flame, 
Extingoisbci^baped, much like Saliabun Spire. 
£icept that the latter's of course somewhat higher ; 

A long yellow pin-a-fore. 

Hangs down ea«h chin afore, 
On which, eto the wearer had doan'd i(. a man drew 
The Scotch badge, a Sallit*, or cross of St. Andrew ; 
Though I fairly coaSfts I am quite at a loss 
To gueaa why tbey should choose that particular crus, 

Or to moke deu to you What the Scotch hud 

At all with the busintes in hand,^though it's trne 
1'bat the vestment aforesaid, perhaps from iLi hue, 
Yit. yijlaio in juita. position with Uat 
(A tinge of which latter tint cotdd but accnia 
On the laces of HTetchcs, of course, in a stow 
Ax lo what their tumienlois were going to do). 
Might make people fancy, who no better know. 
Thoy were wmebuw connected with Jeffrey's Bariew ; 

Especially, too. As it's certain that few 
Things would make Father Dominic bhthcr or happio 
Than to catch hold of VI, or ils Che/, litcrej Napier. — 
No matter tot that— my dcacriplion to crown, 
All the &ama> and the dcvib were turned npsidc donn 
Ou this habit, (ocettoualy term'd Saa Btnilo, 

Much like the dnv auit Of Mme nondescript bmte 
^^r tbr Jbnm-m of Wuuibwell fnut OoOTgo), or 

Are tiiree timH as crooked, and Uiree times as red 1 
All. too, pointing upwards, as much ac to say, 
' Here's the real bonne boucAe of the Anio-da-fi' 

Torquemada,mi»aniuie, Withhiscold.ctuelsmile, 
Sils looking on cahnly, and watching the pile, 
As his hooded * Familiora ' (their names, us some tell. 

From their being so much more ' familiar ' than ' wel - 
Have, by this time begun Tube 'pokingtheir fun,' 
And their Rrebrands, as if Ibcy were so many posies 

Of litiei and roses. Up to the noses 
Of Lazarus Levi and Money Ben Moses ; 
While limilar treatment is forcing out hollow moons 
From Aby Ben Lasco and Ikey Ben Solomons, 
Wliose beards — this a black, that inclining to griule — 
Are smoking, and curling and all in a fizzle : 
The King, at the same time, his Dons, and his visitor 
Sil, sporting smiles, like the Hoty Inquisitors. 

Enough I— no more 1— Thank Heaven 'tis o'er ! 
The tragedy's dune I and we now draw a veil 
O'er a scene which makes outraged humanity quail ; 
The last fire's exbansted and spent like a rookel. 
The last wretched Hebrew's burnt down in his socket 
The barriera are open, and all, saints and sinners, 
Eiug, Court, I/inu, aud Commons, gone home to their 

With a pleasmg emotiaa Produced by the notion 
Of having exhibited so much devotion. 
All chuckling to think how the Saints are delighted 
At having seen so many ' Saunuiita ' ignited ; — 

All, save Privy.pniso Humei, 

Who sconced in his room is, 
And, (Tucker in band, in Lis leather-backed choir 
Is puzzling to find out how much the ' affair ' 
< By deep calculations, the which I can't (oltuw ), cost — 
The totlU, in short, of the ui&ofe of the llolocausl. 

Perhaps you may thiat it a ruthrr odd thing. 
Tliat, while talking so much of the Conrtand the King. 
In describingUie scene Through which wa'ic just 
I've not said one syUable as to the Queen : [been 

Especially, too. as her Majesty's ' Whereabouts,' 
All things considered might wdl be thought thereabouts ; 
The tact was, however, although Lttle known, 
Sa Mage*tad had hit on a plan of ber own, 
And suspecting, perhaps, that an Aula alouc 
Might fail in securing this ' Heir to the throne.' 

Had made up her mind. Although well inclined 
Towards 'iju lot and shows of no matter what kind. 

For once to retire, And bribe the Saints higher 
Than merely by sitting and seeing a fire, — 
A sight, after all, she did not much admire ; 

So she lock'd herself up. Without pUtter or cup, 
In her Oriel, resolved not to take liite or sup. 
Not BO much as her matin-draught four ' wirly purl "), 
Nor put on her jewels, not e'en let the girl. 
Who help'd her to dreo, take her hair out of curl. 
But to pass the whole morning in leUing hpc beads. 
And in reading the lives of the Saints, and th«ir dveds. 
And in vowing to visit, without shoes or sandals. 
Their shrines, with nolimited OTders for candles. 
Holy water, and Masses of Moisrt's and Handel's.* 
And many a I'aler. and Ant, and Cr^ifo 
Did sbe, and her Father VojiAaiot, Quevedo 
(The clever Archbishop, you know, of Toledo). 
Who come, oi before, at n very short warning. L'"?- 
Get through, without doubt, in the course of that morn- 
Shut up, as they were. With nobody there 
To st kll interfere with w 

L HsM. snil so slie^ Usvlil IVrCa- 

b-i Iht invnl '/Jtmi «ii«IA, Alf.] ihn a 

And the Saints must have been slony-hearted 
If they had not oUow'd all these pains to sneee 
Nay, it's not quite clear to me, but their totj nbi 

Might, Spain throughout. 

Have been brought into doubt. 
Had the Royal bed still remain'd cursed with 
St. Jago, however, who always is jealous 
In Spanish affairs, as their best authors tell us, 

And who. if he saw Anything like a Saw 
In Spain's welfare, would soon sing, ' Did BoM, Ihhb 

the bellows I ' 
Set matter! to rights like a King of good fellow*: 

Byhisinlerferonce, Threc-fourthsof ayew" 
Tliere was nothing but capering, dancing, and aii 
Cachncaa, Boleros, and l>cUs set a-ringing 

In both the Castilles, Triple-bob-maior peals. 
Rope -dancing, and tumbling, and somerset- II inging, 

SeguidiUas, Fandangoes, While ev'ry gun hung 

And all the wav through, from Oibrallar to Biscay, 
Figueras and Sherry nuke all (ho Dons frisky 
iSave Moore's ' Blakcs and ODonnells,' who sti 
the whisky) ; 

All the day long The dance and the 
Continue the general joy to prolong ; 
And even long after the close of the day 
Ton can hear little else but ' Hip I hipl barraj I 
The Esenrial, however, is not quite so gay. 
For, whether the Saint had not perfccUy beard 
The petition the Qaeen and Arcnbishop prefnr'd, — ■ 
Or whether his h^, from bis not being used 
To an AutO'da-ff, was a little confused.— 
Or whether the King, in the smoke and the smothtr, 
Qot bother'd, and so made some blunder or other, 

1 am sure I can't say ; AU I know is, that da; 
There must hate been «o7iie mistake I — that, I'm afraid. 

Only too clear, Itiasmuch as the dear [is 

Rnval Tnius, — though tine babies, — proved both litus 


Reader 1 — Not knowing n hat vou 
Mahometan, Jewish, or even Pars 
Take a litUe advice which may se 




' ' persuasion uu] 

First — ' When yiiu nio at £oii;e, do as Borne does I' and 

note aU her [totaller I 

Ways— drink what She dtiuks 1 and don't turn Tto- 

In Spain, miaon de nlut. You must do as they ia. 
Inasmuch as they're all there * at sixes and sevens. 

Just a), you know, Tbey were some yean ago, 
tn tlie days of Don Carlos snd Brigadier Evsiis ; 
Don't be nice, then — but take what they've got in their 

Whether griskins or sausages, bam or pork -chop! I 

Next — Avoid Fancy- trousers! — theii colounand shapes 
Sometimes, as voa see, may lead folks into scrapes I 

For myaolf, I confess, I've but small taste m druB, 
My opinion is, therefore, worth oolbing— -or leas — 
" ' some friends I've consolted, — much given to walch 

Apparel — do say It's by far the brat way ron rt 
And the safest, (o do as Lord Brougham doer ■— "^ 
Scotch ones I 


>' volunteer k 


higs say what they will. I shall do no such tl 
copy my betters, and never begin 
Until, lie Sir Bobert, ' I'm dnly CAi4,"» is ! ' 

of UwDifroiD a very f«rl J pn-iod. varidiu 'Blarted pa 
uT sUlud glua, wbltb, H Blu r)Jck'l • eEI>lolt9 Okl not ■> 
boroDil Iho UFlghluDriiiB dly. hnvt tmuIbbI o " " 

lipLoyed. cdurgid lUh imignal bMirlB|i> at the haiUy M 
isnttUom, I* one Id whieh a lAtrrm Mum Am* « 
iifuu, laliU, la baanaed qurUrly wllb Iks n yi- at M M 
r llie IngDldibyi- Ur, SInplilnHai fnm Balti.— <~''~' ~- 
I (D anllqaiTT an lo well known mat appnctoM 
iilngy inperflina), HH to au ImprtUniot— !iu bs 
mebrlnilDg hli henUlc lor* ta b«r BU lbg« 

Unila. Be pnNHmooM tbt tatl In quBtleD to t» U 

iln Sir IngoustiT Braj wbo floulsbcd trmp, BM. I, and ftiundiil 
It AbtuT of iMoliUby. in Uia ornnlT rf K<- - - ■■ - 
ucliMtcr, eulf In Uw raUn at Uut oddikiIi 
IsEiiTT tt Iha urlnn or tbU pkiua »t*bllibnciit h 
■Kvra fton thn Sn and uiUdcn tn wUW - ' 

i£cinn[»nytng er 

itnan of CbuUtain. nnniDmit] 
IB Culerbti; Cii'itOrtL 



PeUI de Ingold^by, Lonl 

dt KriL I 

of TupplliBuB 

Rldtatil [neoldiby, 
or l^fpplPEbin Afon- 
Hid. i qim Houi- 

nwat II Kill t>E prmlrtd (hit Ihe <l<alh of UJy 
I] I* lUdlnKM (a itnnnnUtkia ^upgtladiiad bj 
twTQU In ihc Ycrtuble Itgend UHBud no tUnilDn 
lamrenlloii of aliallCT. OnlsclcnjrSlr IngolibbT 
or wa m[Kbl dot be 'nlling ConilH ■ with (ci- 
Hari> fail. In «h(« Ikvour Iht abcfUco of Itai^ 
vnllr bnm drlrrmliial bj the CmwD. 

■ right K 

mgliillr kept oal of Iheli prepen^ 

_ pleuurt tU« Dppartnnltj of ointridlctlDg k 
npon thai Mr. StopklMon b«, In » Uti pnbHailon, 
Id Kliut Ebnrr Iba t'lAb with Lbe Dukt of Mounoulh. 
mlj &! - ' ' 

and dlgDlljr— br tha dgbt > 



tU dirlse IhMblm'B panlahmonls for him I— Snaiurim. 

OUT aad ipKke Sir Ingolikby Braj, 
A stoJiviut kaight, I ween, was he, 
' Come cut, come wut. Come taace ia rot. 
Come falchion in hud, FU tickle the best 
01 aU the Soldaa'i Chivalric I ' 

Oh I the; came west, tod tbey cams easl. 
Twenty -'loiu Emin and Sbeilis st the Imsl, 

And thej hammer'd BWB/ At Sir lugoldalij' Bray, 
Fall back, laU edge, cut, thtiisi, and point, — 
But he topp'd off head, and he lopp'd off joint ; 

Twentj and three, Of high deeree, 
Laj rtork and atifl on the crimson 'd lea. 
All— all saTo one — and he ran up a tree [ [see I ' 

'Noi* eount thorn, my Squire, now count Ihem and 

' TwcntT and three 1 Tvrentj and three I — 
All of thi<m Nobles of high degree -, 
Thcte the}' be lying on AacaloD lea I ' 

Oul and spake Sir Ingoldsby Bray, 

■ What news 7 what news 7 come, t^ to me 1 
What news ? what newi, thoa little Foot-page ? — 
I've been whacking the foe, till it teems on age 

Since I was in Ingoldsbj llsll so freel 
What news ? what news from logoldsby Uall 7 
Come tell me now, tbou Foge so aoiall t ' 

< Oh, Hawk and Honnd Are safe and sound, 
BeaM ia bjre and Slecd in stall ; 

And Ihe Watch-dog's batk. As toun as it's dark. 
Bay* wakelnl guard aroond Ingotdshy Hall I ' 

— ■ I care not a pound Fw llswk or lot Hound, 
For Stood in ibai, or (or Watch-dog'* bay : 

Fain would 1 hear Of niir damty deu ; 
How fares Dame Alice, my Lily gay ? ' — 

That LtUe Foot-page full Ion- cTOnch'd be, 
And bo dolTd his cap, and he beaded his knee, 
' Now lithe and listen. Sir Bray, to me. 
I«dy Alice sits lonely in bower and hall. 
Her sighs Uiej rise, and her tears tiiey fail : 

She lits alone. And she mokea her moan ; 

Dance and song She coniiders quite wrong , 

Feast and rercl Mere snarca o( the devil ; 
She mendeth her hose, and she ciietb, " Alack [ 
When will Sir Ingoldsby Bray come back 1 " ' 
' Thou liest ! Ihou liect, thoa naoghty Foot-page. 
Poll load doel tbon lie, falte Page, to me ! 

There, in thy breut, 'Neath thy silken rat 
Whal scroll iathat,(aUe Page, I seer' 

' Now where may the Prior of Abingdon lie ? 
King Richard's Confessor, I ween, ia he, 
And tidings rare To him do I bear. 
And news of price from his rich Ab-bo« '. ' 
' Now nay, now n\j, thou natighty Page I 
No learned clerk, I trow, am i. 

w nay, tbon nanghty Page, 

3 Auingdon Abbey comes not thr news ; 

Althongb DO clerk, WeU may I mark 
The parUcnlar torn of ber P's and her Q's 1 ' 
Sir Ingoldeby Bray, in his fury and rage, 
By the back of the neck takes that iittte Foot-page ; 

The GcroU bo seizes, The Page he squeezes, 
And buffell,— and pinches bis nose till he sneozes ; 
Then he cula with his dsggerthesilken threads [heads. 
Which they used in those days, 'stead of little Quecn's- 
Wbeu the contents of the scroll met his tIbw, 
Sir Ingaldsby Bray in a passion grew, 

Backwud be drew Bis nailed shoe. 

' Now count the slain Upon A^calon plain, — 
Go count them, my Sqiure, go count them again '. ' 

' Twenty and three I There they be, 
Stiff and stark on that crimson 'd lea 1 — 

Twenty and three?— —Stay— let me see ! 

Stictcb'd in bit gore There Letb one mort; 1 
By the Pope's triple crown there are twenty and four 1 
IVeotjr-tour trunks, I ween, are there, [u here ! 

Bat their beads and their limbs are no-body knoni 
Ay, twenty-four coraea, 1 rode, there be, 
Though one got away and ran up n tree '. ' 

Out and spake Sir Ingotdsby Bray, 

' A boon, a boon. King Richard,' quolh bo, 

' Now Heav'n thee save, A boon 1 crave, 
A boon, Sir King, on my bended knee ; 

A year and a day mve I been away, 
King Richard, from Ingoldsbj Uall so free ; 

i. boon, a boon, my Liege,' quoth be. 
Fair Ingaldsby Hall I fkin would see ! ' 
' Rise up, rise np. Sir Ingoldaby Bray,' 
BJng Richard said right giacioasly, 

' Of all in my host 'That I love the most, 
I love none better, Sir Bray, tbui thee I 
Rise up, rise up, tbon hast tby boon ; 
But — mind you make bsEle, and come back again sodq I 

Pope Gregory sits in St. Peter'g chair, 
Pontiff proud. I ween, is he, 
And a belted Knight, In armour dtght, 

Is begging a boon on his bended knee. 

With signs of grief and sounds oE woe 

Featly ha kisseth his EoUnesi' toe. 

' Mowpaidon, Holy Father, I crave, 

Holy Father, pardon and grace 1 

In my fniT and rage A little Foot-page 
I hav* left, I fear me, in evil cose ; 
A scroll of shame From a faithless dame 
Did that nanghty Foot-page to a paramour bear ; 

1 gave him a ■■ lick " With a (lick. And a kick. 
That sent bim — 1 can't tell youi Uolineai where I 
Had be oa miny necks ai haici, 

Uo bod broken them all down those perilous rtnirs ! ' 
■ Rise op, rise up. Sir Inpoldshy Bray, 
Bite up, nse up, I say to thee -, 

A soldier, I trow. Of tbe Cross art tbou ; 
Rite up, rise up from thy bended knee I 
111 it besooms that a soldier true 
Of holy Church ibould vainly sue : — 
— Foot-DBge«, they are by no meoju rare, 
A thrifOota crew, 1 ween, be they, 

Well mole no spare A Page— or a pair. 
For the matter of that— Sir Ingoldaby Bray. 

But stout and true Soldiers, like yon, 
Grow scarcer and scarcer every day I 

Be prayen (or the dead Duly read, 
' ~ t be lung, and a jKifo' In aaid; 

le little Foot-page shall test in [Mice I 

' Now pardon. Holy Father, I eravt, 

Holy Father, pardon and grace t 

Oanie Alice, my wife, Tbe bane of my life, 

1 have left, I fear me, in evil casp I 
A scroll of shame in my rage I tore, 
Which that caitiff Page to a panuiunir bore ; 
'Twere bootless to tell how I ttorm'd and snuti', 
Alack t alack ! too surely I knew 

Tba torn of each P, and the tail of each Q, 
And away to Ingoldsby Hall I flfw I 

Dame Alice 1 found, — She mnkonlliegruiindr 
I twisted ber neck tUl I twisted it round I 
With jibe and jeer, and mock and scoff, 
I twisted it on — till I twisted it off I— 
All tbe King's Doctors and all the King'^ Men, 
Can't pat Fair Alice's bead on agen 1 ' 

' Well-a-day 1 neU-a-da; t Sir Ingoldsbv I 
Whv reaUji I hardly know what to say : — 
Foul sin, I trow, a fair Ladye to tlay. 
Because she's perhaps been a little too pay. — 
— Monk most chant and Nna must pray 
For each mass they sing, and each pray'r tbey sa^ 

For a year and a d^y, Sir Ingoldsby Bray ' 
A fair rose-noble mtist duly pay 1 
So may bis qualms of conscience cease, 
And the soul of Dame Alice may rest lu pearc 

' Now pardon. Holy Father. I crave, 

Holy Father, oardon and grace 1 

No power coafd save That paramour kn.i' e 

1 left bim. I not, in evil cose ! 

There, "midst the slain Upon Ascalon pliim 
Unboried, I trow, doth bis body remain, 
His legs lie here, and bis arms lie there. 
And his head lies — I cant tuQ your Holiness w hi 

To hack and to hew A champion true 
Of Holy Church in such pitiful plight! 
Foul sin her warriors so to slay. 
When they're scarcer and scarcer every da; ! — 
— A chantry fair. And of Monks a pair. 
To pray for bis sool for ever and aye, 
Tbou must duly endow, Sir logolmby Bray, 
And foarteen marks by theyear must thou paj 

For plenty of lighto To bum there o' night? — 
None of your rascally " dipt' — but sound. 
Round, ten-penny moulds of four to the pou 
And a shirt of tbe roughest and coarsest hai 
For a year and a day. Sir Ingoldsby. wear 1 
So may your qualms of conscience cease, 
And the soul of the Soldier thall rest in peace '. ' 

' Now nay, Holy Father, now nay. now nay I 
Less penance may lerve 1 ' quoth Sir Ingoldsby Bray, 
- No champioTi free of the Cmae was ha ; 
No belted Baran of high degree; 

No Knight nor Squire Did (here expire ; 
He was, 1 trow, but a barefooted Friar I 
And tbe Abbot of Abinzdon long may wait 
With bis monks around him, and early and lata 
May look from loop-hoie, and turret, and gale. 
He bath lest his Prior — bis Prior bis patel ' 

■ Now Thunder and tnrf I ' Pope Gregoij said. 
And his hair raised bis triple crown right off til hi 
' Now Thunder and lorC I and out and alal 1 
A horrible thing has come to pass I 
What! — cut off the head of a reverend Prior, 
And say he was " onlji (M I) a bare-fovtcd Friar ! 

" What Baron or Sijaire, 

Or Knigbt of the shire. 
Is half so good as a holy Friar ? ' 

O.lurpiuintt! Vir neijautim* I 
SiJeruiurime.'— flufatini*.'— I'lrime .' 
Never, I trow, have the Eemi mrroniin 

Hod before 'em Such a breach of decorum. 
Such a gross vioUlion of morum fconorum. 
And won't have again ireiih imUmim ! — , 

Coma hither to mo, My Cardinals three. 

My Bi&hopi in porfibui, Masten in jlriitui. 

Hither to me, A.B. and D.D., 

Doctors and Proctors of every degree. 
Go fetch me a book I— go fetch me a bell 
As big ai a dustman's 1 — and a candle as wed— 
1 11 send bim-'U'Acre good manneis wont let me Irll 

— ' Pardon and grace ! — now pardon and grace 1 ' 
--Sir Ingrildsby Bray fell flat on his face — 
' Van cu^ .'—in sooth I'm in pililol ease. 
Feeeavil pttanil — I've dona very wrongl 

But mj heart it isatout, "* " '" "" 

Ab4 W.\ " 


And the Ingoldsby Jnndi sre broad and {lir, [where, 

Pope Gregory pioseil, anil he sat himself davrn. 
And ho BOTuewhat relaxed his terribla fron-n, 
And h\i Cardiiiali three they pick'd up his croirc 

n youVe been n-ronj 

If the Ingotdsbj lands do lie here a 

And Uolj' Church (hall toote in (or her share, — 

Whr. m; Cafdinali three, 

You^ll aeree With me 
That it gi-rvt a new turn to the whole affair, 
And I thiiik that Ihe Feiutent need not dcspau I 
— If it be GO. Bi jtin (Gem to aaj, 
Itiia up, rise up, Sir Ingoldibj Bnj I 
* An Abbejr so fait Sir Bnj tball found, 
WbiKD inneniiMt noU's encircling bound 
Shall toko in a eoapte o( ocra of ground ; 
And Ibere b that Abbcf all the jeei round, 
A lull cboii of moolu, ud a fall choir of non^ 
Shall live upoo cabbage and bet-croas boue. 

And Sir Ingoldsby Broy, Without drlar, 

Shall hie biin again To Ascalon plain, ' 
And nther the honee of the f oullj ilain : 
And diall place laid bonea, iritb all poaiible eare, 
In an elegant ibtiae in hi* ALIwy so fair; 

And pleat J of lights Shall there be o' nights ; 
None of jour rascail)' " difw." but wund, 
Best roperBne wajc-wicka, four to the ponn J ; 

And Monk and Nun Shall praj, each one 
For the Bool of the Prior of Abingdon ! 
And Sir Ingoldtby Brar, co bold and to bnvc, 
NeTer sball wash nimaelf. comb, or dmic, 

Not adorn hia body, Nai drink giii-toddy. 

Nor indulge in a pipe, — But shoD dine upon tripe. 
And blackberrie« galbcr'd before ther ore lipe, 
And [or ever abhor, renounce, and abjure 
Bora, boUands. and bmndy, wine, pmich, and Uqi 

As being diahODOur'd ; but all iiauc tQais he has 
Shall, with himaelf, go henceforth bv an aUai ! 
So his qnalma of coDscieoco at lungth may cease, 
' ' Page, Dame, and Prior ihall rest in peace I ' 
Sir Ingoldsby (now no longer Bmy) 
U off like a shot away and away, 

Over the brine To far Paltrtioe, 
rununa^e and hunt over Ascalon plain 

the unburicd bonn of bis victim slain. 

' Look out, my Squire, Look higher and nigbi't, 
I,^)ok out for the corpse of a barefooled Fnar ! 
And pick up the anus and the legs of Itie dead, 
And pick up bis body, and pick up hi« hea>l ! ' 

Ingoldsb; Abbey is fair to see, 
It hath manors a dozen, and royalties Ihree, 
With right of free n-arrcn (wbatcx-er tlint be) ; 
Dieh pastures in front, and graen woods in the rear. 
All in full leaf at the right tunc of year ; 
About Cbristma*. or so, tbey fall into the sere. 
And the prospect, of course, becomes rather more drrar: 
But it's really delightful in apriug-time, — and iieor 
The great gate Father Thames rulte sun -bright and clear: 
CobhaiD wood! to the right, — on the opposite shore 
LaindMl Hills in the distance, ten miles off or liiore . 
Tbes yonVe Milton and CSravesend beliind, — and before 
Yoa can see almost all the way dovn to the tiorc. 

So cbamiing a ipot It's rarely ones lot 
To aee, and when seen it's as rarely forgot. 

Yes, Ingoldaby Abbey is tu-ir to see. 

And its Monks and it^ Nuns ore fifty and three, 

ihid Ihrae the; all stand each in their degree. 

Drawn op in Uie front of their tocred abode, 

Tno by two ia tlieir regfolar mode. 

While a luaeral comes doivn the Boclies'er road. 

Palmers twelve, from a foreign strond. 
Cockle la hut, lad staff in hand. 
Come marching in pairs, a holy bund ! 

Next high in the air Twelve Yenmen bear 
On their sturdy necks, with a good deal of eare, 
A patctit sarcopbogns firmly rear'd, 
Of Spanish mnliogany (not Tenoer'd) , 
And Dehind walks a Knight with a very long beard. 

Close by his tide Is a Friar, supplied 
With a stout cat-o'-ninetails of tough cow-hide. 

While all sorts of queer men Briug op the 

ir Ingoldsby Bray Hero gave way 
To a [of ling which prompted a word profo; 
Bat he snallow'd it down, by an eCloi^, 

* Thriee three lima npon Candlemas- day, 
Between Vespers and Compline. Sir Ingoldsby Bray 
Shall run roond the Abbey, at bast he may, 

Subjecting his back To thomp and to thwack, 
Well anil truly laid on by a huelooled Friar, 
With a flout cat-o'-nineiajls of wfaiprord and 
Aod DM-he, nw his heir. Shall take, ni 
jiBj- morp, fttxn Ibia dar. Tbe mmajiic of Bmr, 



I, Nigger captives, and Boiv-men, and Spcir- 
It boots not to tell What youll guess very well, 

tlow some sting the reqaiem. Some toll d the bell ; 
Suffice it to say, Twos on Candlemas-day 

The procession I speak about reanh'd the SuttMuai ; 
And in lion of a supper The Knight on bis 

Received the first taste of the Father's ^od^IIkdi ; 

That, as chroaielcs tell. Ho eontinocd to dwell 
All the rest ol hit days in the Abbey he'd founded, 
Bt the pious of both sexes over iiirroimdod. 
And. pariaking the faro oF the Monks and the Nuns, 
Ate the cabbage alone, without touching the buns ; 
—That year alt«r year, having ran round Ihe Quad 
With his back, as enjoin'd him, exposed to the rod. 
Having oot only kisa'd it, but blecs'd it, and thank'd 
Died, as all thoi^ht, in the odour of sanctrty ; [it, he 
When,— strange to relate! and you'll hardly belicv" 
What I'm going to tell yon, — ne%l Candlemas Eve 
The Monks and the Nuns in Ihe dead of the niRht 
Tumble, all of them, out of their beds in affright. 

Ahirm'd by the bawbi, And the calls, and the 

Of some one »ho seem'd running all round the walls! 

Looking onl. soon, By the light of the moon. 
There appears most distinctly to ev rv one's now, 
And making, as seems lo them, all lliia ado, 
The form of a Knight with a beard like a Jew, 
As black as if steep'd in that ' Matchless ! ' of Hont's, 
And so bushy, it would not disgrace Mr- Mnnti ; 
A barefooted Friar stands bebiud him. and shakes 
AjlngeHunt, whose lashes appear lo be snakes ; 
While more terrible still, the aslonuded beholders 
Percei™ the »aid Friar has so aicso (w ins snoii.ijEiw , 

But is holding his pate In bis left hand, out 
As if by a cjoser inspection to find [straight, 

Where to get the best cut at bis victim behind, 
With the aid of a small ' huU's-eyo lantern,*— as lilnccd 
Bv our oitn Nrw Police ■ -la • belt ronnd hi» waist 

From his hcndlesa tormentor, repeating his ci 
in, — for Iho Friar to his ikirli closely »t 
itiii;; after him,' — so mid the Abtk 

uiusoy nrrj \ 

item olidS^^^H 
bey stood,^^^^ 

Thrice tlireo times did llie PhaDlom Knight 
Course round the Abbey as best he nugbt, 
Be-thwack'd and he-smock'd by the headless Sprite, 
While his shrii'ka so piercing made i^l hearts thrill. — 
Then a whoop and a halloo, — and all was atiUI 
Ingoldsby Abbey has passed away, 

And aMbis time of day One can haidlj mney 
Any tnicoa or track, save a few niinl. gtey 
With ago and fast mouldering into decay. 
Of the structure ouce built by Sir Ingoldsby Br«y j 
But still there are many folks Lvingwho say ^ 
That on every Candlemas Eve. the Knight, -3 

Accoutred and dight In his ai ■ - ■ 

With his thick blaek beard,— and It 
With his head in his hand, and his lantern a] 

Bun round the spot where "-- -" "^' '- 

And are seen in the neighbouring glcbe-lond and woM* 

More especially stilt, il it's «tormy and windy. 

You may bear them for miles kicking up Uicir viitl 

And that once in a gale Of wind, sleet, and hail, 
They (rigbtcn'd the horsis, and upset the tiuul. 

What 'tis breaks the rest Of these sools nnWe-l 
Would now be a thing rather hard to be goen'd, 
Thoi^b some say the Squire, on bis death' bed cimfr-^ 1 

ThatonAscalon plain, Whenthebooecol tkr iIj ^ 
Where collected tliat day, and pack'd up in n cbot 

Caulk'd and made n-ater -tight, 

By command of the Knight, [''■C'^- 

Tbangn the legs and the arms they'd got all {iITt'.' 
And the body itself in a decentish phght, 
Yet the Friar's Pericranfmn was nowhere in sicM i 
So, lo save themselves tronble, they pick'd np insind. 
And popp'd on the shoulders a Soncen'k HcM I 
Thus the Knight in the tenns of his penaaee bad fail'd, 
And the Pope's absolution, of course, dodj^ B*aii'4. 

Now though this might be, Itdont 
With one thing which, 1 own, is a poser t 
I mean, as the miracles wrought at the ibrine 
Containing the hones brought from far PoJestii 
Were so great and nolofians, 'tis hard to coml ' 
This /act with the reason these people nsijg 
Or supposB that Ihe head of the ninrder'd S 
Could beanght but what Yaukeee wonld call 
'Tis a very nice question — but be t as it ma 
TTie Ghost of Sir Inffoldsby (ci-devml Bray), 
It is boldly atGnn'd. hy the folks great and mi 
About MlltoD, and Chalk, and aiuDod Cobhaqi 
Still on Candlemoa-day haui ' ' " " 
And that many have seen 


Vo, I tbiuk. nliea the [scti of the caa* jou rucoU, 
Mj iaUreoet, rsadci, joull Surlj luteslii, 

Viz. :that,spilBM the hope IJvId out bj tha Po|H>. 
Sir Ingoldaby Bray was d— d nftur nil ! 

Fool-p«g«e, ind Servnnis of pv'iy dogrec, 
In livery or out uf it, list»n lo nic 1 
B«e <rhiit cornea of lyipgl dun't join in a tug;uB 
^^^ T« hnmb(ig your niftrtor, ot ud ka inlri^el 
^^^^liidiM I — nuTTit^ &fld siogU, from this unilsntind 
^^^BBow foolish il U 'j3 srad li-ttocs by hnnd ! 
^^^^^ton't itond fortnoukaofapenny. — bulwbeuyon 
^^^P Ve a hitlei U> KaA Tu s lover or fricad, 

Pnt it into ihe po«t, and don't iih»t the r«TctiDc : 
Hev'rend geotliMniinl — you who uvgiren torDom, 
Don't keep up a >oft corrte|iondencc nt homo 1 
But whilo you're •broad Ipnd respectable lives : 
liOT« yoor ucigbbuurs, and wclcome,~but don't lovp 

And, M brlckluTer« try from the tilci ntti the leads 
VTben they're BhoTeliing the suovr off, 'Taee OAnx of 

10 stout, and nhoseonnsare 


Knighlal — whose hcnrlsi 

Leom, — to twist a wife's neck is decidedly wrong '. 
If your servants offend yon, or gire themselves lirt. 
Rebuke them — but mildly — dout kick them doicn' 

To ' Poor Hichnrd's ' homely old proverb attend, 

■ If youwaut matters well -managed, Go! — if not,5Fii(.' 

A servant's too often a negligent elf; 

— If it is bueiness of consequence, Do it TOi:BaEi.r '. 

For think how annoying 'twould he, when you're 
To find in your bed. On the pillow, ioatend 
Of the sweat face you look for — A Si ' " 

When ho ehasnlt the responses too lale, or too soon, 
Or his Do. Ite, Mi, Fa, Sol, La't not quite in tnne. 
(Then, jtou know, They'd « ' movable Do,' 
Not u fin'd on« u now— and of eonisc never knew 
flow to set np * niusicnl [lullih-baloo-J 
it noK. in sonh. it eomely light. 
And I Kclcimied the vision «ith pur? delight 

But then ■ a change came o'er ' 
My epirit— a cbaa^ of (eat — 
Thai gorgeous scene I behcU no more, 
But deep beneath the hoscmenl floor 
A dungeon dark and drear ! 
And there w»» an ogly hole in the wall- 
Far OB oven too big,^ar a cellar to small ! 

And moitjir and hrieks Ail ready to fix. 
And 1 swdi ' Here's a Kun haa been playlDg some 
That horrible holel — it seems to say, [tricks! — 

" grave that gapes for ft living prey 1 "' 


Ah me ! ah me I — 'tis sad to think 

That Maiden's eye, which was made to wink. 

Should here he compell'd to grow blear, and bliuk, 

Or be eloticd for aye lu tiiiG kind of way. 
Shut out fur ever from wholesome dav, 
Watl'd up in a hole with never a chink, 
No light, — no air, — no victuals, — uo drink! — 

Alu, fin lng..IdibT Mib-j 

_i ThBi 


SAW thee, Netlev, as the son 
Acron the western 
Was sinking slow. And a pddcn glow 
To thy roofless luwers be gave ; 

And the ivysheen. With its nuntlu of green 
That wrapt thv walls around. 

Shot* lovelily bright. In that glorious light, 
And I felt 'twos bo\j gronnd. 
Then I thought of the ancient lime— 
The days of the Monks of old,— 

to Matin and Vesper, and Compline chime, 
The load Hosanna roll'd. 
And thy eoorla, and ' long-drawn lislei ' amoog, 
SvelI'd the full tide of sicred bou^;. 
And then a vision pa^s'd 
AciTu my menial eye ; ' 
And silver shrines, tnd shaven ciuwns, 
And debute Ladies, in bombozcen gowns, 
And long white veils, went by ; 
Stiff, and staid, and solemn, and sad. — 
—Bui one, mcthonght, wink'd at the Qardener-lod '- 
Then came Ihe Abbot, with milre and ring. 
And pastoral stall, and all that »)rt of IhicR, 
And a Monk with a book, and a Monk with a bell, 
And ' dear little suoll,' In clean kueu stulci. 
Swinging their cenaera, and Biaking a tmell. — 
And see where the Choir-master walks in Ihe roar. 

With front Hovero, And brow anslerf, 
Now and Ihen pinching a lilllo Ihiv'i ear 


And thai Maiden's lip, Wbirh was made to np, 
Should here gruw witbor'd and dry as a chip I 
— Ttuit wandering glimce and (mtive kisi. 
Exceedingly naughty, and wrong, 1 wii. 
Should yet be cousider'd so much amiai 
M to call for a sentence severe as this I — 
And 1 said to uiyTietf. ai 1 heard with a sigh. 
The poor lone victim's stifled cry, 
' Well, I can't undcndjind How any man's hand 
CtnU wall np that, hole in a Christian land '. 
Why a Mussulman Tork 
Would recoil from the work, 
I And though, when his Ladia run alter the (dlowi, he 
Stands not on trifle*, if madden'd by jeiloun, 
lis objects, I'm sure, would declare, eflnid they tf>eah. 
In Ihe'ir Georgian, Circouian, or Turkish, or Greek, 
" When all's said and done, far better it wu (or ns. 
Tied ba«k to back. And sown np in a nek. 
To be pileb'd nc(k and heels from a boat in Ih? 
BoiphoriH I " 

— Ohl a Saint 'twould vex Tothinkthatlheiex 
Should be Ireuled no better than Cmnbe's double X ! 
Sure some one might run to the Abhera. end Idl her 
A much better method of docking her cellar.' 

If a'er it« juitica wraps in flojne 
The black al>ades of sin and ihume. 
That jnstice, in its own good tmie, 
Shall visit for so foul a crime. 
Ope desohition's fioodgata wide. 
And blast Ihee, Nolley, in thy pride 1 
Lo where it cein« I — the tempoil lours, — 
It barsts on thy devoted lowen ; 
Rulhleas Tudor's bloated form 
Rides on the blast, and guidoi tfie donn ; 
I bear the saenlegioos cry, 
* Down with the nests, and the rooks will Qy 1 ' 
Downl down they come — a teardi! full- 
Arch, and pillar, and roof-tree, and all. 
Stained pane, and leulptared stone. 
There they lie on llie gioonsward strown — 
Mouldering walls reniain alone. 

Shaven crown, Bombaioen gown. 
Uitre, and Crosier, and all are Sown ! 
And yet, fair NoUej. *i I goxe 

Its very stones recall 1 
They ' come like shadows, so dipart ' — 

I see theo ts thon wert — and art — 
Suhlimo in ntln t — grand in woe ! 

Lone refuge of the owl and bat ; 
No voice awakes thine echoes now I 
No sound — Good Qrsciousl — what wai IhalTtJ 
Was it a moan, The parting groan 
Of her who died forlorn ana alone, 
l&nbcdded in mortar, and bricks, and stone?— (f 
Full and clear On my listening et 

II comes — again^near, and more near- 
Why 'Eooks I it's Ihe popping of Oinger Beerl \ 

— I rush'd lo the duor — I tread the T 

By Abbots and Abbesses trodden before, 

In the good old chivalric days of yore, fchalt 

And what see I Ihere?-^ In a rnsh-botiom'' 
A liag lurraunded by crockery. ware, 
Vending, in cups, to the credulous throng. 
A nasty decoction miicall'd Souchong, — 
And a squeaking Uddlo and wry-neek'd fife 
Are screeching awav. for the life I — for the lifot 
Danced lo by ■ All the World and his Wife' 
'i'ng, flag, end Bobtail, ore capering there, 
Wurao scene, I ween, than Biitlemy Fair !— 
IVo or three Chimney -sweeps, two' or three Clown*, 
1 'laying at 'pilch and to«.' sport Iheit 'Browne,' 
I'wo or three damsels, frank and free. 
Are ogling, and smiling, and sipping Bohea. 
Fiirties bolow, and parties above. 
Some nuking tea, and some making love. 

Thcnllio'toot— tool— toot' 

Of that vile demi-flulc,— 

The detestable din Of that crsek'd violin. 
And the odours of ' Stout,' and tobacco, and gin- 
' — Dear me 1 ' I eiclaim'd, ' what a place to be iu I 
And I said to the person who drove my ' shay ' 
{A very intelligent man, by the way), 
' This, oil things consider'd, is taller too gay ! 
lldont anitmy humour, — so take nta «wa; I 
liaocingl and drinking! — cigar and songi 
If not prof ana^n, it's "coming it atnmg," 
And I renUy oonsider it all very wrong. — 
— Pray, to whom does this property now belong?' 

— Ue paused, and said. Scratching his head, 
■ Why I really cfo think he's a little to blame. _ 
But I can't say I knows the Gentleman's name '. ' 

■ Well — well I ' quoth I, As I heaved a sigh. 
And a leor-drop fell from my twinkling eye, 
• My vastly Rood roan, as I scarcely doubt 
That some day or other youll find It out, 

Should ho come in your way. 

Or ride in yoor "ihoy" 


That a 

rhom yon drove over one day, 

m ' 

And th'us of their ownet toipe^ began, 
Aa be ordered yon home in haste. 
No nocBT iiK'a a veuv BMi-rmni-B m*! 
But— I Mn'l SO) JBueA/w Ait (aji(e.~ ' 

n •(■fill* In « I'ilm't Bin K llKn In mH 

IT Omle Ui u<<>- ep a li-DipiirtrT olol* v 

' pnciiitl ' »( CUfrbncy. Jl wih dd fioii ef i 

rv vWi. whleb 1 "u som-iiiuM nmoiHMd Is m, thtl, la 

IctncT.! h>dlinc>nBlllK'»llii*lfl«inU'narr^lr*. lour 



I tba" Buck Wtik- bun 

, IW pM»»«». p»»»"' "I'll 

th* Bune dI Uia ■• Dark EaUj.- 

nictlrt with ibi e1olBi«ij ctrvtk uui, Dj i pnvita mutrcu 

Ih* Interior of Oh allmdriL On Um «eit IL mitds h 

tioB'o(lli»-Pmlmf^<»UBllb«"0.ta.''— J HoU; ™in 

Shh — A bwk pu-lsur Id Mr John InKOldit^'i faosH In II 
I'iDCt.— 1. blutag Bre-^Hlne Uncle la Kurd Im hlgb- 
iwT-cluii, IvIrllDg bli Ihnmta. ud coDUmpIUing 1 
phM.— Ullla Tdio, lbs ■ Kln^i BcbeUr,' on a iVvH oppi 
UrBjobn IiigLtliWr7 aL Dia uble. biully nnpliijed ■□ mi 

— MlM Doclct nwdlutioni ire laUrrueicd by Iba 
(Jock OB Uie muVl tin*. He pruloglieib olih tIckIi 


Give Muter Tom another coke, and half a glass of wine, 
And >ing the bell for Jfhuv Smith, and bid her bring 

his coat. ' [throat. 

And a warm bandana handkerchief to tie about his 
' And bid them p) the noar«t war. for Mr Bireb hnssaid 
That nine o'clock's the hour he'll havo his bosrdarH all 

in bed ; [deUr, 

And well we know wbra IIiiIg hnjt their coming hotoe 
Thej oftcD seem to walk and sit nncasil? next da}' I ' 
' — Now nay, dear Fncle Ingoldsbj, now eend mo nc 

I praj, [nearest 

Bade by that Entrj dark, tar that you know' 
1 dread that Ealry dark with Jane alone at such an hour, 
It fean me quite—it's Ptiday night I — and then NcU 

Cook hath pow> 1 ' 
■And who'i NeU Cook, tfaon silly child?— and what' 

NeU Cook to thee? [that dork entree? 

That thou sbouldst dread a) n>f;ht to (read witli Jane 
— ' Nay, list and hear, mine Uncle dear! aucb feiiriomc 

Ihingi Uiey teU [with Nell 

Of NcUy Cook, that few may bruuk at ni^t to mee 
' It naa In bluff King Harry's days, — and Monks and 

Frian were then, 
Tdu know, dear Uncto Ingoldshr. a sort u( Clergymen. 
They'd coane staff goniis, and shaien crowna, — oi 

shirts, — and no cravjts. [shovel hala 

And a cord woa placed about their waist — they bad m 
'It was in bluff Kinz Horry's days, while vet he wcni 

to thrift, [tope adrift 

And long before ho stsmp'd and swore, imd rut thi 
Tiiote lited a portly Canon then, a suge and Icarui'i 

clvrk ; 
He had, I trow, a goodly house, tart by that Entry dark ! 

' Tho Canon waa a portly man — of Ijitin and of Grei-k, 
And learned lore, he had good jlorc, — yet health was 

on his cheek. ' [made of rye, 

The Priory fare was scant and spare, the bread woi 
I'hr beer noa weak, yet be was sleek — he had a merry 

•Pnr tboogh within the Friory the fare was scant and 

thin. [cheer within ; 

Tho Canoa'a house it stood without :— he kept good 
Unto the best he prett each guest with free and iovial 

look. ["Nelly Cook."- 

And Ellen Bean ruled bis rvi'nne.— He Coiled her 
■ For aoapt, and itcws, and choice rogotif*. Ndl Cook 

wai famoui still '. [woad'ruue skill : 

ishe'd nuke them even of old shoos, she hod such 
tier maoehetl line were qoite divine, her cakes were 

nicely brown'd, [•■ Precinct " round ; 

ner boil'd and roast, they were the boaat of aU the 
* And Nelly was a comoly Isss, hut calm and staid her ur 
And earthward heat her modest look — yet was shf 

passing fur ; [grave p«oiile shook 

And though her gown was nset brown, tteir heads 
— Tliey all agreed do Clerk bod need of such a pretty 

' One day, twas on a Wbitsun-Evs — thi 
coach and four ;— [the Canon's door ; 

It pas'd the " Qreen-Court " eato. and stopp'd before 

_ 'xbo traTsl-stain on wheel oud rt^in lH»i>nko a weary 

way.— [gay 

~- rA jitBtiag titlA rcks'd ilsspeeil — out rtept a Ljid' 

"Now, welcome 1 welcome 1 dearert Niecel"— the 
Cbboq then did err, 

nd tohir breast the Lady prest — he had a merry eye, — 
Now, welcome I welcome! dearest Niecel in sooth, 
thou'rl welcome here, [Brother dear ?" — 

Tis. many a day since wa have met — hirw fares my 
" Now thanks, my loving Dncle," that Lady gay 
replied ! [sha aighd ; 

Qramercy for thy benison I" — then " Out, alas ! " 
My falber doar be is not near ; he seeks the Spanish 
Main ; [again I " — 

He prays thee give me shelter here till he return 
' Now, welcome I welcome I dearest Niece ; come 
thy munCcbyl" 
The Canon kisa d her ruby lip — he had a merry eye. 
But NeUy Cook askew did look,— it came Into her mmd 
Tbey were a little less than " kin," and rather 

than •■ tind." 

Three weeks are gone and over— full three weeks and 
a day, [Lady 

Yet still within the Cansn's house doth dwell 
On cations tine they daily diue, rich cates and s 
rare, [is their 

And they quaff good store of Bordeaux wine, — sodainly 

lings in dulcet tone? 


And li: 
And sweet ^i 

any Bach; 
But is it " O Eandluima 
Or ■■ Angd* ewr bnght and pi 

" BoMinj Joan ! " 

' The Canon's house is lofty and spacious to the view 
The Canon's cell is order'd well— yet Nelly Irioks aakei 
Tho Lady's bower is in the tower, — yet Nelly shakes 
her head — [bed I 

She bides the poker sad the tongs in that gay Lody'i 

■ Six weeks were gone and over- full six weeks and i 

4ir. [lay 

Yet in that bed the poker and the tongs nnhocded 

From which, I fear, it's pretty clear that Lady rest bad 

Or, if she slept in any bed — it wm not in her own. 
' But where that Lady pasa'd her night, I may not well 

PerhuM m pious oraisons at good St. Thomas' Shrine, 
And tor her father for away breathed tender vows and 

It may be so— I canno! say— but Nelly look'd askew, 
' And still at night, by fair moonlight, when all were 

loek'd in steep, ' [hole peep— 

She'd listen st the CononV door. — ehe'd through tliekey- 
1 know not what she beard or saw, but fury fill'd her 

eye— [in* pie I 

— She bought tome nasty Ductur'a stuff, and she pat it 

' It wac a glorlona summer's eve — with beams of rosy 
red, [shook her head I 

The sun went down— oil Nature Krailod- bat Nelly 
Full softly to the balmy breeze rang out the Vesper beU — 
Upon Uie Canon's stoitlod ear it sounded like a knell I 
' Now, here's to thee, mine Uncle ! a health I drink to 
theol [voisicl" — 

iDSing, cried. 
thy caU, 
And a Warden-pie's a dainty dish to mortily withal 1 " 

■ Tis early dawn— the matin chime nogs out for morning 

pray'r— [tAerel 

And Prior and Friar Is In his stall — the Canon is not 
Nor in the small Refect 'ry luiU, nor cloister'd walk is 

he — [me! " 

All wonder — oad the Sacristan sayi, " I>auk-a- daisy - 
' They've search 'd the aislei md Baptistry- they've 

search "d alxwe — amund — [is not found. 

Tho " Sermon House "—the " Audit Bdoti —the Canon 
They onlr find that pretty Cook concocting a ragmd. 
They oskhcr where her master is — but Nelly looks askew. 
'They call (or crow-bars — ■' jemmies" is the modem 

name they bear— [sight is there !- 

They bnrst through lock and lx)lt, and bar— but wbut i 
The Canon's head lies on the bed — his Niece lies on thi 

— Tbey are as dead as any nail that is in any door 1 

■ The livid spot is on his breast, the spot is on his hadt 
His pnrtly form, no longer warm with life, ii iwoln otii 

Thelividspot is on her cheek,— it's on her neck of snow 
And the Prior sighs, and sadly cries, " Well, here's i 
pretty Goi " 

All al Cha slleut hour of night ■ bell is beard to tcU. 
A knell is rang, a reguiem 's sung aa for a siofu] moI, 
And there's a grave within the Nave ; it^ dark, ■ 

And they bury there a Lady fair, and a Canon 

An Uncle — so 'tis whiapcr'dnow throughout the BMjrtd 
Fane, — rUain. — 

And a Niece — whoso father's Sar away upon the Spnniak 
The Sacristan, he says no word that iudieates a doubt. 
Bnt he puts his thonib unto bis nose, and spreads hu 
BngcR out I 

' And where doth tarty Nelly Cook, that staid and 
comely loss? [known tu paw. 

Ay, where ?— for ne'er from forth that door wa* Nelly 

Her coif and gown of ntaei't brown were lost unto the 
view, [look'd askew I 

And if you mention'd Nelly's name— the Monks all 

' There is a heavy paving-rtone (art by Uie Canon'* 
door, {noit^ 

Of gronite grey, and it may weigh some half • Im or 

And it is laid deep in the shade within that Entry 
dark, [ftairr (pwk. 

Where sun or moon-boum never play'd, or «n tm 

' That heavy groolte stone was moved Ibot night, twas 
darkly said, [and newlr laid. 

And tho mortar round Its sides next mom scem'd (rest 

But what within the nanow vault beneath that atona 
doth lie. 

Or if that there be vault or no — I cannot tell — not 1 1 

' Bat I've been told that moon and groan, and (nadid 
wail and shriek f u Bd i — 

Came (rom beneath that paving-stone for nearly half ■ 

For three long days and three long nights cam* (otk 
those sounds of fear ; {tar 

Then al! n as o'er— tbey nevermore fall on the lideniog 

' A hundred years have gone and past since last Ndl 
Cook wns seen, [and told tho Dean,— 

Whvn worn by use, Ihat stone got loose, and the^ west 

— Says the Uean, says bo, ''5ly Masoni tlireo; apt 
haste and Rk it tigtt ; " [saw a fearsome ri^tt, 

And the Masons three peep'd down to lee, and tnwf 

' Bcacnth that heavy paving.«tone a shocking lolo Umj 

found — [twelve (cet roaad; 

It was not more tbmi twelve feet deep, and banJy 
— A fleshless, sapless skeleton lay in that horrid well I 
Bnt who the deuce twas put it there those Masons 

conld not teU. 
* And DCor this Seshltcs skeleton a pitcher ima!! dn! 

lie, [Warden -pie 1 

And a mouldy piece of " kissing-cmst,' as (nan a 
And Doctor Jones declared (he bones wen female 

boDPB, and " Zooks I [Nelly Cook^ I ' 

1 should not be surprised," said ho. "if Uiose were 
' It was in good Dean Borgrave's davs, i( I remember 

right, [^brought to liehl; 

Those fleshless bones beneath tbe stones tn«e luns 
And you may well m the "Dean's Chapello" Ooan 

— '- portrait view, [sixteen (ortr-f — '" 

' Who died c 


night," says Old Tom WrisU, 
' And so two hundred ycai« have pssE'd ni 

Masons three. 
With curious looks, did set NeU Cook's i 
That granite stono hod kept ho down 

some suppose,— [nolo their mm. 

— Some spread their flngeis out, and pat their ttmnb 
■But one thing'^ clear — that oil the year, on axry 

Friday night, [onqolet 8|li*a: 

Throaghout that Fnlir dork doth roaia Nell 0m4^ 
On Friday was that Warden-pie all bj that Onn 

On Friday died he, and thai tidy Lady by hic sMal 
' And though two hundred years bare flown, KsH 

Cook dolb stQl punue C"**? "* > 

Iler weary walk, and they nho crosi her path tb« dnd 
Her fatal breath is fell as death I the Simoom'a UmI it 

not [hoi). 
More dire — (a wind in Africa that blows a 

Delivering qnivering, sb 
And whoso Ir " ' " 

He ever dice willilu tl 

le din miUmalj dralh'^ 



No miittct wbu — no uullcr what cooditioii, age, or 

tB!x, [«oraij •' get " broken necki j 

But jomo "get AiA'ani eonie "get drown'd* ud 

Burnt "pet run orcr" bj ■ coach; — and one beytind 

the Eeos [Cariboeei! 

• Got " Kraped lo death with oyster-sLdlj among the 

• Ihose Masons throe, who set her free, fell finl 1 — it is 

nen'd [the third: 

Tint two were han^'il od Tjbum tree for morderiDg of 
Cbulea Storcv,* Uio, his friend who slew, had ne'er, if 

Iruth they tell, [with Noll I 

Bctn gibbeted ud Chatham Dunm, bud the; not met 

• Tken send mo not, mina Uncle dear, oh I aend me not, 

I pray, [wme other way 1 

Bodi through that Entij dork, to-night, but round 
1 mil not be t tnunt faor, but good, and mind my 

book, [Cook!- 

For Heaven forfend that ever I foregalhw with Nell 

He look'd ukew, and did eschew both atool, and bench. 
He did not talk, ho did not walk, the tear wai in his 

eye,— [cry. 

He hud not e'en that nd resource, to sit him down and 
Hence little boja ma; learn, when thej fnna school go 

out Iq dine, [nine ; 

They should not deal in rigmarole, bnt still be back b; 
For if when they've their giest-coat on, they pause, 

before they part, [may (mart. 

To tell a long and proey tale,— prrchanM their own 

—A tew remarks to teamed Clerks in country and in 

town — [lirown ! — 

Don*t keep a pretty serving maid, thongn clad in runet 
Don't let your Niece aing 'Bobbing Joan ! ' — don't, wiin 

a merry oye, [mncb pie 1 I 

Hob-nob in Sack and Malvoisie, — and don't eat too 
i^nd oh I bewaro that Entry dark,— Especially at 

Digbt, — fmoonlight I 

And don't go there with Jenny Smith all by the pale 
So bleaa the Queen and hue lioyal Weans,— And the 

Prince whose hand she look, — [froin Nell Cook ! 
And bleas us all, both great and muill,— aud keep us 

ll«i,tbe-aga.baUilnc iDBrmin/otwb^ be I 
■wl (r<>)TlD( liti Mitint aan il)nltau \at u 
aiMaenUe »t all poulM* nuAog placx. 



a nulcr'i rrmiialbT In oh of hii atni 


nWAS in Margate last Julj, I walk'd upon tli 

r, rron here 

a liltle nilgar Boy — I aaid, ' What make 

The gloom upon your youthful cheek speaks anythii 

but joy ; ' [Boj 

Again 1 said, ' What make joa here, you little vul|; 

lie frown'd, that little volgar Boy, — he decoi'd I mec 

And when the little heart is big. a little 'icti it off-,' 
Ue put hia finger in bis mouth, his little bosom rose,- 
tle Iiod BO little haadkorcbiellowipe his little nosel- 
' Hark I don't you hear, my little man, — it's atrikini; 

Nine.' 1 H 


when all good little boys and giils should lie 
Run home and get your supper, else your Ua will 
scold— Oh I fiol [cryl' 

It is rciy wrong indeed for little boyi to stand and 
The (ear-drop in hit littls eye again began to spring. 
nil bosom thiobb'd with agony, — be cned like anything. 
1 stoop'd and thus amidst bis sobs I beanl him murmur 

' iij Islher, Lc is on lliu oro*, — my mother's dead and 

g-ne! ■ [alone 1 

And 1 am here, on this here pier, lo roam the world 

I have not had, Ibis live-long day, one drop to cheer 

my heart, [tort. 

Nor "bT<ncn'' to buy a bit of bread with, — let alone Si 

'It there's a soul will give me food, or find me in 

employ, [Boy ;) 

By day or night, then h]<m me light 1 ' (be was a Tvlgoi 

'And now I'm here, from this here pier it ii my 6:<~d 

To jump, OS Mister Le\'i did ffuin ofl the Honn-ment r 

' Cheer op 1 cheer up I my little man— cheer up I' I 
kindly said, ■ [fiend : 

' Ton are a naughty boy to take such things into your 
If you should jump from oO the pier, you'd surely break 
your legs, [eggs ore eggs 1 

Perhaps your neck — then Boguy'd haie yon, sure as 
'Come home with me, my little man, come home uitli 

me and sup. 
My landlady is Mra Jones — we most not keep her up — 
There's ro^ potatoes at the fire, — enough lor me and 

Comebome,yonlittlcTuteuBoy— IlodgoatNumber J," 
I took him home to Number i, the bouse beside ' The 

d fetch 8 

lint of doable X I 

' Prey be bo good as 
But Mra Jones was lalhcr cross, she mode a little noise. 
She said she ' did not like to wait on Mils vulgar Boys,' 
She with her apron wiped the plutee, and as the mbb'd 

the delf 
Said I might ' go to Jericho, and fetch Iho b«er myself 1' 
I did not go to Jericho — I went to Mr Cobb — 
I chaoged a shilling — (ohich in town the people call 

It was not so much for myself as for that vulgar child — 
And I said, ' A pint of double X, and please to draw it 

When I came back I gazed about — I gaiol on stool and 

chair— [there 1 

I could not see my little fricnd^bccanse he iios nut 
I peep'd lioneath the table-cloth ^ ben calh the soFu 

loo — [you ? ' 

I said, ' Yon little mlgor Boy I why nhal'a become of 
I could not Bee my table-spoons— I look'd, but could 

The little fiddle -patl<m'd noes I use when I'm at tin : 
— I could not see my sugar-tongs — my silver woteh — 

oh dear I [bvcr 

I know 'twas on the mantelpiece when I went out lor 
I could not see my Macintosh — it was not lobe seen I — 
Nor yet m; best wbite beaver bat, broad-brimm'd and 

lined with gieen ; and soy, — 

Mj carpet. bog — my cruet stand, that holds my (uuce 
■ polAloos I — all are gone I — and so's that vulgar 


I rang the bell for Mrs Jonel, tot she itot down below, 
■ Oh, Mra Jones I what ilo you think ? — ain't this a 

?retty go i — [to-night, 

'bat horrid little vnlgor Boy whom I brought here 
— He's itolen my things and run away 1 1 ' — Says she, 
■ And sarre ytra right ! '. ' 

Next momins I was up betimes — I sent the Crici roond, 
AU with hia bell and gold-laced bat, to say I'd give a 

pound [so; 

To find that little vulgar Boy, who'd gone and naad mo 
But when tbe Crier cried, ' Ye* I' the people cried, 


I went to ■ Jarvis' Luiding-ptMe,' the glorr of the town. 
There was a eofiuuon sulor-nuui k-mtDting up Mid 

I told my tale — he Eccm'd to think Td not been tnatsd 

well, [cannot lull. 

And call'd me ' Poor old Buflor 1'- what that means I 

That SI 

n be said he'd sc 


» rd « 

A son of someibing — tn 

A little ■ gallowf- looking chap " — dear 

he mean ? [tum'd up with gr«en. 

With a ■ evpet iwab ' and * miukmglvg*.' and a bat 
He spoke about his < precious eyo,' and «ld he'd mod 

-II^ very odd that aiUur-mcn should talk so rerj 

And then hehitcfa^histroutersnp,** is, I'm told, their 

nt?, [things so loaf. 

— It's Terr odd that sailor-men should wear those 
I did not understand him well, but think he meant to 

say [■"ay 

He'd seen that little vulgar boy, that morning, swim 
In Captain Lorge'a Koyal George, about an hour before, 
Andtney were now, oaheiupposod 'soineioWel' about 

the Nore. 
A landsman faid, ' I (irin the cbap — he's been npon the 

Mill— [B,!H' 

Aod'couBehegajnnion«sothcjIa((,veealls hiin Vecping 
He said, 'he'd done me wery brown,' and nicely 'itvtifd 

the sieoo,' ' [bag 

— That's pTcncb, I fancy, for a hat — or else a earpM- 
I went and told the constable my property to track t 
He ask'd me if ' I did not wish thai 1 might get it back ?' 
1 answet'd ' To be furo I do I— it i what I'm come about,- 
He smiled and said, ■ Sir, docs your mother know that 

yon ore out ? ' 
Not knowing what to do, I tliought I'd hasten back in 

And beg onr own Lord Mayor to catch the Boy nbo'd 
His Lordship very kindly said he'd try and find him out. 
But he rather tbongbt that there were sevenJ vulgar 

boys abont. 
Be sent for Mr. Witholr then, and I described < the swag,' 
Mr Macintosh, ny sngar-longs, mj spoons, and carpel- 
bag ; [employ 1 
Hepromisedthnt the Now Police ihould all their pownra 
But never to this hour have 1 beheld that vulgar Boy. 

Bemcmber, then, what when a buy I've heard n 

buy I've 

Dont link yoniself with volgar folki. who've got no 
fii'd abode, [may be blow'd ! ' 

Tell lies. iL'^e naught; words, and Say ' they wish they 
Don't take too much ol double X l^ond don't at night 
go out [yonr slout ! 

To fetch your beer yourself, but make the pot-boy bring 
And when yon go to Margate next, jnst stop, and ring 

tbe bell. 
Give my respects to Mrs Jones, and say Tm pnttj well t 

»X I1IU utcl; lo ibe spoi Da i (iindon wblib ib«7 term ' iIitn 



■ N»r Ibli liuDlel (A«l) 1> ■ long dlnwd Ebtlk-pll bI ra>al.l- 

kbU drplb. knoKii bj (be name of " Tli< Smogf ler'i Jj^tp." 'I1h 

iniliuuii nf ib» firati mniihti a riding -olBotr fnan Snndwltk 

il (lul) nntniT, while la psmiU at ■ ■nnla. 

« Uu- pndphf. 1 


m btsetUi III lib'n. Tli« 

■a Lcvii*t ffiilorji ■i/' TKatal, by lit fln. itunixl rtgg. A 
Vkar ^ OtmrrahawL.' IT. Jfnjfoia. OMlrrbur|F. 1796. p. 117- 

TQE fire-flash shines from Reculvcr cliff. 
And the answering light bums blue io the ski 
And there they stand, That smuggling bond. 
Some ill tbe water and some on the sand. 
Ready those civtrabaiid goods to land : 
The night is dork, they are silent aud still, 
—At the bead of the party is Smuggler Bill 
' Now lower away 1 come, lower away 1 
We must be far ere the dawn of the day. 
If Exciseman Gill should get scent of the prey, 
And ihontd come, and should cslch us here, what woub 
Come, lower away, lads— once on the bill, [he aay 1 
Well hiugh, ho I ho I at Exciseman Gilt I ' 
The eorgo's lower'd from the dark skiff's aide, 
And Ihe low-line drags the tubs through the tide. 

No flick nor flam. But your real Sehiiutiim, 
' Now mount, my merry men, mount and rido 1 ' 
Three on the crupper and one before. 
And the led-boisa laden with five tub* more ; 

But the rich poiut-locft In the oil'skiD tarn 
Of proof lo guard its contents fron ill, 
'The ' prime of the swag ' it with Smuggler Blllf 
Merrily now in a goodly row. 
Away and away those sraog^en go, 
And they laugh at Exciseman OitUbn'. W>*. 



When out from the torn 01 the road to tlernci 
Cornea Gill, wide swoke to the wbolo concen I 
ExciHmui Qill| in lU hUlihdi!. 
Wiih bis Custom -booH officers sU at hit aide 1 
— Thry were ull'd Onatotn-honte officfrs then ; 
There were no such thinas oi ' Ptorentivo men.' 

Sauce qui jifut I That Uwlcs* crew, 
Away, Bod owny, and awaj they fl«w I 
Some druiiping one tub, soino dropping tno . — 
Some Kalfoj) this wnr, and some^Jlop thnt, 
Through Fordwich Leiol— o'er Sindwicli Klal, 
Some Sj that wiy, and some flj thii. 
Like I coTc^ of birds when tbe iportsmco misi ; 

Tboae m tbeir hurry M^e tor Btuiry, 
With CostoiD -house ofGceta close in (hair rear, 
Down ButhlKnime Lane and so by Westbere, 

None of them stopping, Bnt shooting and popping. 
And many a CustDm-hoose bullet kocs ship 
Through many a three-gallon tub like a tap, 

And the gin ipurts out And squtib all abiml, 
And many a heart grew sad that day. 
That so much good liquor wus tbionn away. 

Saute qu{ ptal ! That lawless crew. 
Away, and away, and away Ihcy Sew 1 
Some seek Wbititttblo— some Gror* Ferry, 
Sparring and whip pine like madmen — veij — 
For tbe life 1 furthel3el they ridel the/ ride I 
And the Ciutom-hotue oSicen all divide. 
And they gallop on after them lar and wide ! 
All, all. save one— Exciseman Gill.— 
He sticks to the skirts of Smoggler Bill I 
Smuggler Bill is six feet high. 
He bos curly locks and a luviug eye. 
He has a brngoe and he bos a smile 
IVoined the feumle beort to beguile, 
And Ibeie ia not a fanner's wife in tbo t^o. 
From St. Nicholas quite To the Foreland Light, 
Bnt that eye, and that tongue, and that suiile will 
wheedlcber [dealer: 

To bare done with the Grocer and make hitu her Tea- 
There is not ■ farmrt there but be stili 
Bnyi gin and lobncto from Smnggler Bill. 

Smuggler Bill rides gallnut and gay 
On his dnppie-grcy mare, away, aud awar, 
And be pate her neck, and be seams to say, 
' Follow who will, ride after who may, 

In Booth bo had need Fodder his steed. 
In lieu of Lont-com, with a Quicksilver leod ; 
— Nur oats, nor beans, nor the beat of old hay. 
Will make him s match for my own dapple-grey ! 
Ho I ho ! — ho t ho I ' says Smuggler BilT— 
Ha draws ont a flask, and he sips bis £11, 
And he laaghs ' Ho 1 bo 1 ' at Exciseman Gill. 
Down Chislett Lane, so free and so fleet 
Bides Smuggler Bill, and away to Up-slrect ; 

Sarre Bridge is woo— Bill thinks it (un -. 
' Ho I bo I the old tnb-gaugiug son of a gan — 
His wind will bo thick, and his brecb be thin, 
Ere a race like this he may hope to win I ' 

Away, away Goea the fleet dapple-grey, 
Freeh as the breeie and free aa the wind. 
And Exciseman Gill lugs far behind. 
' J would girt my loul,' quoth Exciseman GiU. 
' For a oig thdt would calch that emuggler Bill ! — 
No matter for blood, no matter for bone. 
No matter for cobiur, bay, brown, or roan, 

So I bad but one t ' A voice cried ' Bone ! ' 
' Ay, doa,' said Exciseman Gill, and ho spied 
A uustora-bDuae officsr close by his side, 
On a bigb'tioltiug horse with a dun-roluur'd hide.— 
' Devil lake me' onin quoth Exciseiiinn Gill, 
' If I bad but that horse, I'd bare SniLiggter Bill I ' 

Frtm his osing sorh ihockbg expressions, it's pLmi 
That Excisamau GiU «a» rather pinfane. 
" - - ■■ is true, A» bad ai ' 


Tour words ore plain, though they're somcvfbat rnuj;h 1 
"Done aid Done " between guntleuicn'salnayacnuiigb I 
I'll lend yon ■ lift — there — you're up on him — so. 
He's % nun one to look at — a dtril to aa ! ' 

Exciseman Gill Dafb'd up the hill. 
And mark'd not, so eager was be in pursuit. 
The queer Cusloro-houso officer's queer-looking bo-it 
Smocgler Bill rides on antain. 
He slacks not girth and he draws not rein. 
Yet the dapple-grey mare bounds oii in niiii, 
' For nearer now— and he bears itpluin — 
Sounds thctnunp of a horse — ' 'Tis the Ganger agiiiu. 

Smuggler Bill Dashes round by tbe mill 
That staj^ near the road upon Monkton Hill.— 

■ Now speed. — now speed, My dapple-grry ffctd, 
Thon ever, my dapple, wert good at need .' 
O'er Monkton Mead, and thcnngh Miusler Level, 
We'll baffle hira yet, be he ganger or devil ! 

For Minston Cave, away I away I 
Now speed thee, now speed thee, my good dapple-gfer, 
It sboQ never be said that Emuegler Bill 

down like a hare by Exciseman Gill ! ' 
Maaston Cave was Bill's abode, 

lile to the north of the Kamsgate Boad. 

(Of late they say It's been tuken an uv. 
That is, leveU'd and lill'd up with chalk and rluy 
By a gentleman there of the name of Day;, 
'liiither he urges bis good dapplc-erBy ; 

And the dapple-grey steed, Btill good at m^nl. 
Thongb her chest it pants, and her flonu they blccil. 
Dashes along at the top of her speed ; 

ries-Yieldtbeel now yield tbec.tliou Smuggler Dili: 

Smnggler Bill, he looks behind, 
And be sees a Dun horse enne swift as tbe wind. 
And bis nostrils smoke and his eyes they blaio 
Like A couple of lamps ou a yellow pott-chatse I 

Eieiy shoe he has got Appears red-hot ! 
And sparks ronnd his cars snap, crackle, and play. 
And his tail eocfcs up in a very odd way ; 
Every hair in his mane sevms a porcupine'e qnill, 
And there on his hock sits Exciseman Gilt, [Bill '. 
Crying 'Yii^ld theol now yield thee, thou Simigglc 
Smuggler Bill from bis holster drew 
A largo horw-pisld, of which he hod two, 

Made by Nock ; Ue poU'd back the cuck 
Aa far as he COnld to the back of the lock ; 
The trigger he toncb'd, and the welkin rang 
To the sound of the weapon, it made such a bang ; 
Smnggler Bill ho ue'cr missed bis aim, 
The shot told true on the Dun. but there eame 
From the hole where it cntcr'd— nut blm:-!,— but flame 

_He changed his plan. And flreil el the muii ; 
But hie second horse-pirtol flath'd in the pan I 

—He'd just a 


words which I've 

a bis horse coming slap on hie knees with hlni, 
n head over heels, and away be Qcw, [tbreiv 

And Eiciseman Gill was bmised block and blur. 

When hg arose His bands and his clothes 
Were as BIlby as conld be,— he'd pitchea on his note, 
And mlled over and over again in the mud, 
And hia Doie and his chin were all cover'd with blood : 
Yet he spreamed with passion, ' I'd ralhrr nrill 
Than not come up »it£ that Smuggler Bill t ' [' get 
■ Mount I mount t ' qnoth the Custom-boase otBcer. 
i>ji ihe hack of u^ Don, jtmll botber him jet. 

And Exciseman Gill, wilb a hearty wiU, 
Made a grab at the collar of Smuggler Bill 
The dapple-grey mare made a deipcrate bound 
When that queer Dun horse an her flank (he found 
Atuck 1 and aim ! ou what dangerous gconnd I 
It's enough to moke one's Aesh to creep 
To stand on thai fearful verge, and peep 
Down the mgceit sides so dreadfully steep. 
Where the chJk-hole yawns full sixty feet deep. 
O'er which that steed b»k that deipeisle leap I 
It was so dork then under the trees, 
No horse in the world could tell rbalk from cbcc 
Down they went— o'er tbot terrible (all.— 
Uurscs, Exciseman. Smuggler, and all '. 1 

Below were found Next day on the grnnDd 
Br an elderiy gentleman wafting bis rDBBd 
(f wouldn't have seen such a sight for a pound), 
I All smosb'd and dash'd, three mangled corses, 
I Two of thein huinan — the third was a horse'* — 
Hint good dopple-grey, and Exeiseman Gill 
Yet grasping the eollir of Smuggler Bill ! 

IJut where was the Dnn f that terrible Dun ? 
From that terrible night be was seen by none I— 
There are some people think, though I am not une, jl 
liiat port of the sloty oil nonsense and fun. 

But tbe couufry-folks there, One and all ded 
When the ■ CYowner's ■Qnest ' come 1 
They beard a loud Hoise-lnugh up in 

— U in one <A the Trips Of the steam-tort B 
Von should go down to Margate to look at Uls at 
<.)r to take what the bflthinE-rooin people fall ' " 

Ton may hear old folks talk Of that q 
Or go over — it's [Rther too for for a walk, £cll 

But n three -shillinc driio will give you a peep 
.\ 1 Ihiit fearful eholk-pit— «o awfully deep, 
Which is call'd to this moment 'TheSmaKgUrkl^ 
Nuy more, I am told, on a moonshin^ Bi|{M,_ i _ 
If you're ' plucky,' and not orer-snbject to bi^il, ] 
Abd go and look over that chalk-pit wUle, I 

Yon may see, if vou will, 'rheOhoctof OUf 
Gropi' --■- ' 

And now, gentle Reader, one word ore we picta 
just take a friend's counsel, and Liy it tu hnrt, 
ImpTimii. don't smupEb' 1— if bi'iit I" pleas" 7" 
Von iniul buy French hici.',— putchiao what 

Don't nso naughty words, in the next plafe. — and nret 
Voiu language adopt a bad habit of (wearing ! , 

Never hit. ' Devil take me ' ' — 

Or ' shnk'e me I' or ■ bake me!' 
Or such-like expressions — Bemeiiil>er Old Kick 
To lake folks at Ibeir word is remarkably fniek.. 


Another «ound niBxtm Id wish yon to kcwp. 

h, ' Mind what joare alwr, and— Look ere you Leap ! 

Above all. to mr last gravrrt MUlion tttfnd— 

F<r Ibt MoiT mud) nccndi 1 un InOrMol In 

Sbi Is ■ Sbiopibm Iwljr by \*ftb. lud 1 «vrilii 


A Lt.i.INI' fiF Tin-. ■ fr.OlU SALOPIAN^' 

On 1 why dolh tliine o^e gleam «» brieht, 
Oh I wby doth thine eye gleain lO bright f— 

The MoOipt'i at home. The Mud miiy not roa 
She uevcr niU meet Uie« to-night ! 

By Ihe TIbIiI 
Of the mMn— it'g impiusiblc — qnin ! 

It gUiuns wilh a fieadiih delight^ 

' 'Tis done— She is won ! 

Nothing under Ihe (ran 
Can looM the churni'd ting, Ihonijh it's jllght 1 

Hal ho; 
It Ills EO reraorkal'ly tiglit ! '— 

The wire ii lui thin u a thrisd, 

BUubir Siutit ! 
The wire is u thin ■« a thread 1 — 

■ Thcnifih (light bo the thaiu. Again inighl and 
Cannot rend it in twain, — Sb> ia wed '. [main 

She \» mine, be ihe living or deai) '. 

Uavr! ban! I' 

Nay, laoeti ■><>)> ^ V"7 ^**< "> ''^l' 

filetttit Satftt I 
Oil I laugh not so load and to clnu ! 

Though eweet is Ihy smile The heart to hrpiile. 
Yet thy laugh is quita shocking to hear. 

It niakc« the blood curdle withleorl 

The Maitten is gone bv the glen, 

She is gong by the glen anJ the '(xhI — 

U^ a Tcry odd thing Shu thuuld wear uieh a 
While her Inacn are buund witli a sduo<1. [ring. 

By Uie mud ! 
It's i thing that > not well aDdentund 1 

The Maiden 1* (Utely and tail, 

BlauSli 3icfu : 

And xtatel* she walki in her pride ; 

But the joong Miin--Auna Hon) ai (ut at i\ 
Tu o'etlake her, and walk by her >ida '. [ca 

TboDgh die chide— 
She decniB not ha sitter a bride ! 

But the Maiden Ic gone by the glen, 

filouliii Jaitt : 
lilary-Anne the is gone by the les ; 

She o'ertakea not hn litter : It'a clear tbe li 
And cannot think where aho can lie 1 f niai'd hi 

■Ho! bo!— We shall see I w*<hallae«!' 

Mary-Anne ia gone over llie In, 


Blaubit 3aAt 1 
le she ii rone to Ihe Tontr : 
I rnakes b*r heart quail. For it lookf tike 
A deal mure than a fair Lady'l Ixn-er, [a )ail. 

It's uglv grer walli "eeiii to luur 

'd frown 

For the barbican'i mai^ and high, 

IShmtic 3acfu I 

And the oak -door i> heaTy and bron-n ; 

And with iron it's plated And machieoDatcd, 
To |Hiur boiling oil and lead down ; 

Should a ladle-CoU faU on your crown i 

The rock that it standa on ia steep, 

ISImiDit Sndtt ', 
To gain it one's forced for t« ereep ; 

The Potlcnllit a strong. And the Duwbtidee is 
And the water niua all nmnd the Keep ; [long. 

Yon can tee that the Moat's very deep ! 

The DtatvbridcD is long, but it'i down, 

And the Fortcollbi hangs ia the air ; 

And no Warder ia near, With his boni and his 
To give notice wkcn poople ctime there. — [apcor, 

. I declare 

UaT7-Aime has nm into the Square t 

The oak -door is bMvy and biono, 

Bot Ihe oek-dour is ^taadu^ ajar, 

And BQ uue I4 ^E|He la Sjiv, 'Frav take a cliMir, 
Tod eeent lirotl, MiA^Ith rudbiug «o 'ar— 

It boosti not ftool, table, or chair, 

Bloutii Sadu ! 

But one Cabinet, costly and grand, 

Which has titUe gold figures Of little gold M 
With Gshitig-rods stuu in each baud. — ''~ 

And it's placed on a splendid bnhl stand. 
Its binges and clasps are of gold, 

ISIaulric Saihc \ 
And of gold are its key-bole and key, 

And Ihe drawers within Have eacli a gobl 
And they're number'd with t, i, and ), 

You limy see 
Alt the ngares in gold fHigree t 
Kiiiiiber I's full of emetaldn green, 

fiioubit liiikt : 

Number j't foil of diamonds and pearl ; 

But what docs she sas In drawer Kusiber j, 
That nuJtes all her senses to whirl, 

Poor Qirl 1 

And each lock of her hair to uncurl y — 
Wedding tingers are sweet pretty lltings, 

ISlaubic 3arhc t 
To salute them one eagerly sfcrives. 
When one kneels to ' prupoM ' — 
vthpu riuite 
le Icnuckles with knives, 

But the voung Kfary-Anae is nof Ifred, 

filoutiit 3arfci ! 
ftBt Tow-r by hor»elf ; 
thrnogh, very toon, Eudi bouJoir and 
each clusrt and shrlt, I fal«m. 

All yoDT plate^ and lanr diina— anil ddf , 

She luoks at your Arrsi 90 Sne, 

Bloutit Jbrit t 
So rich, all deKTiption it mocks ; 

And she now and then pauses To gu« at your 
Your pictures, and ormolu clocks ; [vases, 

Every cupboaid, and drawer aha unlocks. 

She looks at tlw Painlingi so rare. 

Blodilr 3ukt ! 
That adorn every wall in yonr boose ; 

Your impayaUe piecw, Yonr P^ul Venioescs, 
Your RembnmdiE, your Quidos, and Dows. 

MorWd-s Cowl, 
Claude's Landscapes.— and I-andseer! Buw-wons. 

She looks at your Statue* so fine, 

SEouUic 3arkc ! 
And mighty great notice ahe takes 
■^ ~" ir Niobe cryinf 

How he shakes 
The nasty great things as be wakes I 

Your Laocoon. bis serpents and buys, 

ISlmitic 3iAt '. 
She views with aome little dismay : 

A copy of that 1 ran See ii'i the Vatican, 
Coleas the Fope't sent H away. 

As they Mv, 
In ' The GIoIm^' he intended hut May, 

There's year Delridere Phsbus, with wliirli, 

SIniblr Suckc ! 
iXi Milman Mya none othei vies, 

(Uis lines on AptJlo Beat all Ibe r«l liollow. 
.\nd gain'd him Ihv Newdigate priie.) 

U>i» the <7e« 
Seem watching the Uiaft as il Cuts I 

Tbm's a ro<iui full u( satins and silks, 

_ . ... tilaultir 3athc ! 

Theri>« a mom full of velvet and hice, 

There uo draw™ fuU of rings 

And a tliuuMUiil Gne thiu;^ 
And a splendid goU wateh with a 


I lliey aro tied up in bunches ol Gves. 
I Yet there tboy lie, one, two, three, four ! 
I Ulautit illfci ! 

There lie they, five, sin, seven, eight I 

And by tfaem, in rows. Lis eight little Oreal- 
To match in site, colour, and weight L [Toes, 

From their stale. 
It would teem they'd been sever'd of late, 
iti^nide them are eight Wedding-rings, 

filsablc 3s&t ! 
Aod the gold IS 0* thin as a thread- [the Nine !' 

■Hoi hoi— She is mmo— This wilt make np 
Dear me 1 who those thocking words said i — 

—She Oed 
To bide herself under the bed. 

I therr 


fihHiSii Sickc ! 
And she peeps fram the window on high : 

Only fancy hn (nght And the terrible sight 
Down below, which at once meets bcr eye I 
' Ob My 1 r 
She half ulter'd,— but iHflod her ciy. 
Fur she (aw it was Ton and your Man. 

tJlauIiit Jarki ! 
And she heard yonr unpleasant > Haw I haw 1 1 ' 

While her sister, stone dead. By the hair of her 
O'er the bridge yon Were trying to draw, [head, 

A tiling quite contra-iy to law I 
Your man bos got hold of her beets, 

filculiit Jariu ! 
iJIouJit Jatfct, you've got hold of her hair I— 
But nor Jackc nor his Man 

Can EC 

la in every rouu ia ILe pLuc. 

It's ko gurgiuus and rich. With *u lofty • MA, 
And *o lung, and u broad, and an tall i 

y«, all. 
Sate the lut rni—and Ihal'l viry (mail 1 

She has hid heiscl? under the stair. 

And thero 
U a bonid great Dog, I declare 1 
His eye-balls are tdoodsbot and blejr, 

GlouDit Sariit ! 

lie's a wd ngly cur for a pet ; 

He teems of the bread 01 that ' Billy, ndeed, 
Who nBcd to kill rats for a bet ; 

— Iforget 
Dow many one momlog b« ale. 
He bus skull, rib*, and vertebric Ihere. 

Dloubit iatlit ! 
And Ihigh-bonei ; — and, though it's ao dim, 
Yet it'a t^n to be teen 
He baa piek'd them quite dean. — 
She expects to be torn limb from limh. 

He looks at her — and she looks at hlni. 
She has giTen him a bun and a roll, 

filouHir Juhc ! 
She has eiTcn bim ■ roll and a bun. 

Anda Shtewitmry rake, 01 paitin'f* own maki 
Whish (be happen 'd to lak^ «« hrr run 

She begun — 
She'd been used to a laQcbeon at One. 
• Ob, IMlUnl PrloH 


prettj p«rtieiU«r Fix,' 

BlauBit Jadu ! 
— AbOTS,— Uieto'i the MsidBo Unfa dead ; [Cur 

Boln* — growling at bet — Tborc's that CiuiDibftl 
Who st pteeeat 15 mtujcMng ha brrad. 
Of her leg, — or her arm, — oc her head. 

It'i ' » prett; paiticukr Fix,' 

ISlouDIc 3arRt ! 
She is Mogbt like a inaase in n trap ; — 

Sl>7 I— there's somethiDg, 1 think, 

That has sJipp'd through a chiak. 
And falt'n bj a Mnguiiir hnp, 


Into poor Uttle Muy-Axiae's lap I 

It's a forj fine little gold tiag, 

filoulic latkt ! 
Tdt, thoogh slight, it's renuirkablj stout, [remain 

But it's Diade a sad stain, Which will aiwars 
On bar frock — for Bloud will not wash out ; 

I doubt 
Soils or Lemon won't bring it about '. 

She has gnisp'd that gold riog in her hand, 

^ImiSif 3i(kc 1 

In an instjint she Etands on th^ Soar, [boiin[l. 

She mako but one bound O'er (be bucli of the 
And a bop, skip, and jump to the door. 

The dtawbridg? she'd tniTcrsed beTore ! 

Her bur's floating loose in the breeze, 

Qloutic 5atht ! 
For gone is her ' bonnet of hluc' [fusl 

— Now the Barbican 'b past 1 — Her legs 'go u ' as 
As two dnunsticks a-lienting tattoo, 

As thcj do 
At R^reiUe, Parade, or Review I 

hat ran into Sbrewsbury toivn, 

ISlouliit Jacftr ! 
has cali'd out the Bendle and MsT'r, 
And the Jmtice d( Peace, And'tbc Sural Police, 
Till ' BatUe Field' swanns like a Fair,— 

And see there 1 
E'en the Fursoa's beginning to sn-eul I 

There's a pretlj to-do in jour Tower, 

lilmitLt Jncktl 
In jDur Tower there's a pretty lo-do 1 [berry 

All the people of Shrewsbury Playing old goose- 
Wivh your choice bits of taste and verlu ; 
K Each bijon 

^H npset in their search after you I 


They can scoicdy htlp Inugbing, 1 ^■ow, 

Blouliic Jitkt I 
In the midst of their turmoil and strife ; [Kean 

You're out fit (o bo seen I —Von look like Mr 
In the play where he murdois his wift 


. . Each of your Venus* 
The ' Antique ' ones you bought of the Jow, 

And the new 
One, Oeorge Bobiawn swears came froni Si. Cloud. 

The Caujftub'3 injured behind, 

]31ouOit SitAi I 
The Dk Ugdioi s injured before I 

And the Amaeivoiienis 'b injured in so many 
Places, I think tbcro's a score. 

Of hei fingMB and tc 

a the I 


They are hunting you up-ttairs and down, 

131auliic Jachc ! 
ETerj pWBon to pass is forbid, [posiU- 

While Ihey turn out the cliseta And nil ibeir di 
' There'* the dust-hole — come lift up lie lid ! ' — 

So they did— 
But Ihey conld not find where y^ were hid t 
Ah 1 ah ! — Ihey »nil have you at last, 

iibniDit 3arhc ! 
liie ebunneys to search they begin ; — 
I'hey hire toond yon at la/it ! — 
■^ ■■ ■ - ,,_ 

Thoogh you're thin!- 

— Diwr mo I what a inna yon arc in I 

What 1 terrible pickle you're in, 

,„ Uloutit jiaclu ! 

Why, your (ace i* m black as your hat I 

)our fine Holland sbiit. Is all wet diii I 
Andao is your point'Ioco cravBt I 

What a n.jl 
To seek such on onylum at thai '. 

You ought to be Bcmpcd with a knife 1 


And your head is poked down on ymr hrcut. 
And it^ ptMt 

I protest, almost into your chest 1 

They have pull'd off yoni arms and youi legs, 

As the naugbhr boys serve the blue ai« ; 

And they ve torn from their sockets, 

And put in their pockets 
Your fingers and thumbs for a prize 1 

And your eyes 
A Dwtor has boKleJ— from Guy's. 
Yonr trunk, thus dismember'd imd lorn, 

They hew, and they hack, and (hey chop ; 

And. |j] finish the whole, Th^ stick np > , 
In the pluce that's still coll'd the ^gllit Coppr, 

And tb«y pc^ 
Your grim gory head on the top 1 
They have buried the fingers and loe=, 

Blotitiit Jaduf 
Of lb e victims so lately your prey. 
From those fingers and eight toes 

And you usually dig them in May. 
What became of the dear little girl ? 


They have pnll'd you down flat on your book I 

And they smack, and thej thwack, 

Till your ' funny bonsa ' crack. 
As if you were stretcb'd on the rack, 

At each thwack I — 
Good lack 1 what a savage attack I 

They coll for the Pailiameat Man, 

ISlBuDit IsAt ! 
And the Hangman, the matter to clinch, [' Fudge 1^ 
And they call tor the Judge, But olhcn cry 
Don't budge, Ht Calcraf t,* an inch I 

Mr Lynch t 
Will do very well at a pinch ! ' 

What became of the young Marv-Anne 7 [UaSd. 

Whr, I'm sadly afraid thai she died an C ' 
For she fancied that every YoungMoD 

Had a plan 
To trepan her like ■ poor Sister Fan I ' 
So they Eay she is now leading apes, 

SkuDit 3acfc 
And itiends Bachelors' small-clothes below ; 

The story is old, And bus often been tcJd« 1 
But I cunnot believe it is so— 

Nol Nol 
Depend on't the tale is ' No Go I ' 

And now for the moral I'd fain, 

That young Ladies bhould draw from my pen — <^^^ 
It's—* Don't take these fiighta Upon Monn-nl^^ 
With gay, harum-tcaraai young men, [■ugkH; 

Down a glen 1 — 
You really can't trust cue in ten I ' 
Let them think of your terrible Tower, 

dmitltc Jjcbt ! 
And don't let them liberties take, 

Wbelbcr Maidens or Spouses, In Bacheloti' 
Or, some time or another, they 11 mak« fhoa 

A Mistake t ' 

And lose — more than a £[)tCtllsbCTnt <E*kt ', I 

eiDutiit Jacfce! 

It ia Dseless to scuffle and cuff. 

It is naelen to struggle and bile. 

And to kick and to scratch, 

You have met with your match, 
And the Shrewsbury Boys bold you Hghl, 

Yonr determined attempts ' to show fight' 

They are pnlline you all sorts of ways, 

BlOKllt 3atllt! 
They are twisting your right leg Nor- West, 
And yonr left leg duo South, 
And your knee's in your mouth, 
• Jahan de KeUtae icted ta rnvixt Ilvitut ta Iba traj of 

_ __ Mludi^io 

hli bodr. Id Qnnd BFr|«iitr7. b) 

bempcn cravaUo.' AJler niiialDl 

umanuu. tlieolUot Maitd,bj__.,-H- — »~ _^»_n —~ 

anclHil famUr of Uh Klrbra, and tlMDa BRBli) (0 tlial of Dalle 

(in Kill, ijfl).— AMuran Callonlt. Kiq,, of Sdbon BUI. 

MMiIa., Itar pniiHit npmuitiUie ol Uu Krlchu. eitidacd 

tb> (n st iit<l. nailer tbc andeni craol m Hangman'* niain 
Aaaa.'-maDil^h.Qiuneflj', Arseat and SabLe; In Ihe I 

Briar a QlbbM oT Ibi Kcond, duumiI proper, Caiiern/c i 
\t, ibm nifbl-upi. Arnnt, tulleil tiidu. i aol i, fst; 

SDrmnui-— Iwitfr.- A SbcrtlT In his prWe. rotad Go 
rlwlDMl uldeolUcslOr.— fiiitillcr: ADUldlDU]'dUpIa]>pR,| 
• W»l indlundEd Argent, nuKdCuloa. 

tTlK J 

•4 an i^id 
a— f^H 

Hit nkce, o( whom I liive beTan mid* bonimfi 
iiul > «hlt behind Mrs Butbeibr In tnmlihlng a 
ibe XDUBK btta. If Utile Dbarla bai tb> aunt U 

•liiDibor. UiHJnmfU H|u]It flirUuiats la Uw , . 

SipphosfbtrovD. Ilia ui iLe air el *Orap« gf Brandr ' Ikat 
riuj bu adnpled ber vrnlBaafaTCnenliledlll)'. wklch iwban 






HEN we wore all little end g 

By their false, cruel Uncle belray'd. 
Their Pa was a Squire, or a Knight ; 

In Norfdk I think bis eslat« by— 
That is, if I recoUect right. 


For I've not read the history Iat«lj-t 

Their Pa and thnr Ma being seiked 
With a tireaomo complaint, which, in tome 
People are apt to be seiied 

With, who're not on their guard agalnEtplani' 
Their medical man shook his head. 

As ho could not get well to the rout of it 
And the Babes stood on each side the bed. 
While their Uncle, ho atood at the toot of it, 
I SceBlmniBcia'alllMurraf UuCuum 



*4%, Brother I ' tliait Mb whuper'd. faint 
J And Icnr, tot brMtli Keming to Ubour, ■ Whu'd 
iTbink that this Iionid e(Mn|ilaint, 

l%it'i been going iboot in the DcigUraurliaod, 
IliiM should tttick me, — nay, mori>, 

My poor haabond besides, — and so lull on him I 
binging m >o near to Death's door 
TbAt we can't avoid making a call on h'UD I 

* Now (hiok, 'tis your sisler invoke* 

Yoni aid, and the Ust word she iajs ii. 
Be kiDd to those dear little folks 

Whea ooi toes aro tum'd up to tbe dusted ', 
By the »GiTiinta don't let them be Eoubb'd, — 

Let Jane have her fruit and her eustatd, — 
And mind Johnny's chilhlulos aco rnbb'd 

Wall with Whitehead's best OMcnee of muhljurl 
' You know thevTl be prclty well off in 

Reapect lo lAat's caU'd " worldly gear." 
For John, when bis Pa's in big coffin, 

Coma in to three bnndred a-yoar ; 
d Jane's to hare five hundred pound 


Oa her Diairiage paid down, ei , 

1 yoiill oim a woraa niatcb might b« found. 

Any day in the week than ooi Jenny 1 * 

f[ he did not make matters all right, 
And said, should he covet their ncbes, 

He ' wish'd the old Gentleman might 
Fly away wilb bim, body and breeches,' 

No sooner, howei er, were Ihey 

Tut to bed with a ipade by the sextou. 
Than he carried the darlings away 

Out of that parish into the next one, 
Gi'ing out he should take them to town, 

And select the bmt school in tlie nation, 
That John might not eiow up a ctuwn. 

But receive a genteel education. 
• Greek and Idtin old twaddle I call r 

Says he, ' While his mind's ductile and plastic, 
111 place him at Dotheboys Hall, 

Where he'll team all that's new and gymnsxtie 
\Vbile Jane, as, when girls have the dumps. 

Fortune- huolen, by scores, to entrap 'em rise. 
Shall go to those worthy old frumps. 

The two Misses Tickler of Clapliam Bise I ' 
Having thought on the How and the When 

To get rid of his nephew and niece, 
" it for two ill-looking m 

On the crupper, and when you have trotted 
Soma miles through that wood lone and wild. 

Take your knife out and cut its carotid t ' 
■ Dnne ' and ' dono ' is pronounced on rath side. 

While the poor little dears are delighted 
To think tboy a-coek bone shall ride. 

Are not in the least degree frighted -. 
They HIT Ihcir ■ Ta 1 Ta ! ' as Ihoy start. 

Aid Ihoy prattle so nico on their journey. 
That the ri«ues themselvee wiab to their lirait 

Thuy cotdd fin Lib the job by attorney. 
Nay, one was so taken aback 

By seeing such spirit and life in them, 
Thai be fairly CKclaim'd, ' I say, Jack, 

I'm blow'd if I can put a knife in llicm I ' — 
' Poob 1 ' says bis pal, ' yon great dunce I 

You 've poueb'd the good gentleman's moner, 
So out witn yoor whinger at once, 

And scrag Jane, wbUo I ipiflic^e Johnny I ' 

He refused, and harsh language ensued, 

Which ended at length in a daci, 
When he that was mildest in mood 

Gave the tneolent itsal his gmel ; 
rhe Babes qoake with hunger aHd (car. 

While tbo ruffian hi* dead comrade. Jack, buries ; 
rhm be cries. ■ Love*, amoie younelve* here 

With the hips, and the haws, and the blackberries 

' rU ho back in a couple ol shakes ; 

So don't, deu3. be qniveiiag and qaaking, 
Tio going to get you tome cajus. 

And a nice builci'd r>U that's a-baking 1 ' 
IIp rode off with a teat ia hit ere. 

Which ijui down hismugHoKeek, and wet it, 
A> he said lo hinisrlf with a sigh, 

' Pretty luult I— don't thqr wish thcj n»y ^1 it 

Oon that moment the Babes ne'er caught nght 

Of the wretch who thus sought their undoing. 
But paa'd all that day and that night 

In wandering about and ' boo-hoo '-ing. 
The night proved cold, dreary, and dark. 

So that, worn out with sigliings ond sobbings. 
Next morn they were found stiff and slark, 

Aod stone-dead, by two little Cock-Bobins 
These two litUe birds it sore grieves 

To see what to cruel a dodge I call, — 
They cover the bodies with leaves. 

An intennent quite omithologieal ; 
It might more expenuve have teen. 

But I doubt, tbough I've not been Lo see 'em, 
If among those in all Rensal Oreeu 

You could find a more neat Mausoleum. 
Niiw. «hatcvcr your rogues may suppose, 

Conscience always makes restless their pillows. 
And Justice, though blind, has a neee 

That sniffs out all conceal'd peceadilloec. 
Tbo « icked old Uncle, they sav, 

In epile of his riot and revel. 
Was luppish and qualmish all dar. 

And dreamt all night long of (lie d-~l. 
He grew gouty, dyspeptic, and sour. 

And his brow, once so smooth and so pLucid, 
Fresh wTinklcs acquired every hour. 

And whatever ho swallow'd turu'd acid. 

Cautiun Swing came in the night., 
d bomt all his beans and Lis Mrley, 
There was hardly a day hut sraie fox 

Kan awHv with his geese and his gaaderii 
Ois wheat had the mildew, bis Hocks 

Took the rot, and his bonoa the glunders; 
His daughters drank mm in their tea. 

His son, who had gone for a sailor. 
Went down in a steuuer at sea. 

And his wife nm away with a tailor. 
It was clear he lay under a carse; 

None would bold with him any communion ; 
Every dav matters grew wone and worse. 

Till Ibey ended at length in The Union ; 
While his msji being caught in some fact 

(The particolnr crime Fve forgotten), 
When he came to be hang'd for the act. 

Split, and told the wbulo story to Cotton 
Understanding the matter was blown, 

□is eniployer became approbcnsive 
Of what, when twas more f oUy known, 

Might ensue— he grew thongbtful and pensive ; 
Hepurchased some su^ar-of-lesd, 

'Took it home, popp d it into tus porridge. 
Ate it up, and then took to his bod. 

And BO died in tho workhouse at Norwich. 

Ponder well now. dear Parents, each word 

That I've wrote, and whoa Sirius ragca 
In tbo doe-days, don't be so absurd 

As to blow yourselves out with Green gagei I 
Of stoue-fruits in general lie shy,' 

And reflect it's a fact beyond qusEl ion 
That Grapee, when they're »pelt with an (, 

Promote anything else but digestion. — 
— When you set about making your will , 

Which is commonly done when a body's ill, 
Mind, and word it with caution and skm, 

And avoid, if you can, any eodicjl t 
When once you've appdnted aa heir 

To the fortune rou ve made, or oblain'd. ere 
Yon leave a rerersion beware 

Whom you place ia conlmgent remainder ! 
Executors, Ouardiani, and all 

Who have children to mind, don't ill treat them. 
Nor think that, because they are small 

And weak, yon may beat them, and cheat tbom. 
Remember that ' ill-gotten goods 

Never thrive ;' their possaasiun's hut cursory, 
So never turn out in tho woods 

Little folks yoa should keep in the nursery. 
Be sure be who does such base things 

Will ne'er stifle Constuenee's clamour : 
Uis'richee win make themselves wing^' 

And his pioperty come to the biunnier ! 
Then Ue.—and not those be bereaves. 

Will have iiioet cnuse (or irighings and sobbiog*, 
When he liads hinuel/ smolher'd with leava 

(Of (at catalogUM) heap'tl up by Bubiu I 

ama bav. 



On, Salisbury Plain is bleak and bare, — 
At least so Fve heard manr people declare. 
Fur I fnirly confess I never was there; — 

Nut a shrub, nor a tree. Nor a bush can you 
No heilgee, no ditches, no gates, no stiles, 
Much less a house or a cotljige for miles; — 
— It's a very sad thing lo be Caogbt in the rain 
When night's cnniing on upon Solisbniy Plain. 

Now, rd have you to know That a great while 
The best part of a century, may be, or so, — [ago, — 
Across the same plain, «a dull and so dreary, 
A couple of Traveller!, way-worn ond weory. 

Were making their woy ; Their profession, you'd 
At a single glance, did not admit of a query ; ' [tuy 
The pump-handled pig-tail, and whiskers worn then, 
With scarce on exception, by «ea-faring men, [all 

The jacket, — the locae trousers * bows'd up together ~ 
Guiluess o( braces, as those of Charles Wetherall. — 

And show'd . 
(The accent 


their real charicters, 
this word by our Jack Tan) 
The one in advance was sturdy and strong, 
With arms uncommonly bony and long, 

And his Guernsey shirt Was all pitch and dirt, 
Which tailors don't think inconvenient or wrong. 

He was very broad>breaslcd. And very de«|j' 

His sinewy frame correspond with the rest did, 
Except as to height, (or he could not be more 
At the most, yon would say, than some five feet (our. 
And, if measured, perhaps had been found a (bought 

Dame Nature, in fact, — when some person or other. 
— A Poet, — has eali'd a ' capricious step -mother,'—. 

You saw when beside bim. Had somehow denied 
In longitude what she bad gained in latitude. [him 

A trifling defect Yoinl the sooner doteet 
From his bavmg contracted a stoop in his attitude. 
Square-built and broad- shoulder'd, guod-humonr'd and 
With his collar and countenance open as day. [g*T< 
The latter — twas mark'd with small-pox, bj tbn 1 

Had a sort of expression good-will to bespeak ; 
He'd a smile in his eye, and a quid in bis cheek I 
And, in short, notwitbstanding his fiuloro in height, 
He was just such a man as you'd say. at first sight. 
You would much rather dme, or shake bands, with 1 

than fight t 
The other, his friend and companion, was tatlei. 
By flve or six inches, at least, than the smaller ; 

From bis air and bis mien It was plain to be seen 

That he was. or bod been, A something betwen 
The real ' Jack Tar ' and the > Jolly Marine.' 
For, thoDgb he would give an occasional hitch. 
Bailor-like lo his 'slops,' there was something. C 

which, [pitch.— M 

On tho whole, savour'd more of the pipe-clay tluA M 
Such were now the two men who appear'd on the hill, 
Eanr Waters the toll one. the short ■ Spanking Bill.' ^ 

To be caught in tho rain. I repeat it again, ' 
Is extremely nnpleaoont on Salisbury Plain ; 
And when with a good soaking shower there ar 
Blue lightn'mgs and thunder, the matter's not niendeij| 

Such was the cose In this wUd dreary place, 
On (he day that I'tn speaking of now, when the brs 
Of travllen allnd«d to quickon'd their pocc. 
Till a good steady walk became more like a taeo 
To get quit of the tempest which held them in chas«. | 

Louder, and loader Than mortal gunpowdi^r, 

heav'oly artillery kejit crashing and roaring. 

The lightning kept Sashing, the rain too kept pouring, 

WbJe they, helter-skelter. In vain sought fur 

From what I've beard teroi'd. ' a reguhir pelter ; ' 

Bat thedcU(eo(ascreen liquid be anywhere seen, 

Or an object except that, on one of the rises. [rood 
An old way-post sbow'd Whore the Lavington 

Bronch'd off to the left from the one lo Detiiet } 

And there tbo footsteps of Waters seem'd (ending. 

Though a doubt might exist of (ho course 1^ «ai 

To a loudiman. at least who, wherever he goes 

Is content, tix the most put, to follow his aete v— 


Wbile HaiT7 **pt ' ba«kiDg ' 
And ' filling '— and ' lacking,'— 
Tm nantica] t«nu> which, III nagei a guinea an 

But here, once for all, let me beg jonTl excim 
All inistskcs I maj make in the wotds sailors 

'MJntgst themselves, rm a cruise, 

Or ashore with the Jews, 
Dr in making th^r court to thmr Polls and their Sscs, 
Or uldrcsing IhoEe slop-sclliug reniBle* aSoat — women 
KaowD io out axtj a oddly-named boat-women. 
The faf:t it, 1 can't laj I'm versod in the uhool 
So ably condoeted by Marrjol and Poole ; 
(See the last-meatimi'd gcntlemim't * Adiniml' 
Daoghlcl ') 

The graad cade mtaum For all who io eon coim 
And get, the flrst time in their Iive«, in blue natter ; 
0( eonrw in the we ol «ea tornu yonll not wtiudcr 
I! I now and then should fall into tome blander, 
fct which Captain Chatuier, or Mr T. P. Couke 
Would call me a ' Lubber, and * Son ol a Sea-cook.* 
To return to our malloiu — Thii mode of pKigreasioD 
At Icuglli upon Spanking Bill made n 

— ' Hillo, mesraiate, what cheer ? 

How queer yon do jleer I ' 
Cried Sill. wbo9e ihort legs kept bim itiU in tlie 
' Why, what's in the wind. Bo i-— what U it yon fear f ' 
For bewwiDBmoiDCnt thntaomothiitgwssfrightrnin) 
Hi> shipmate much more than the thunder and liglit 

' Feai 7 ' stHmmttt'd out Waters, ' why, Hiu 1^-don' 

What faces that Drammsr- boy's making at me '. 

— How he dodges mo bo Wherever I go ? — 
What if it he wants with me, Bill,— do yoQ know ? ' 
' What Dnmraier-boy, Harry ? ' cries Bill in sur|irise, 
OVilh abrieffKclamatinn. that coded in 'eves.') 
• What Drummer-boy, Waters?— the coart'i* nil clear 
We haran't pA never no Dnunmer-boy here I' 


pual— [Ghost I ' 

llarkl^ha/kl — how he drums at me now! — bo's a 
A what 7 ' retura'd Bill,— at that moment a flash 
More than commonly awful preceded a rraxh 
Like what's call'd in Kentucky 'on Almighty Smash ' — 
And down Hairy Waters went plump un his knoes, 
While the sound, though prolong'd, died away by 

degrees -, 
In its last sinking echoes, howerei, were soma 
Which, Bill conldnot help Uiinkiug, resembled a drum ! 

■ Hollo I Waters ; — I says,' Quoth he in amsic, 
' Why, I never see'd mffn in all my bom days 

Hall BO queer As this licre. 

And I'm not very cleu 
But that one ol OS two hud good reoHMV for fear — 
Yon to jaw abont druinroerB with nobody near nl i — 
I must say as bow that 1 thinks it's mytlsrus,' 
' Oh, mercy ! ' roor'd Waters, ' do keep him off, Bill, 
And. Andrew, forgive I^Tl confess all,— 1 will 1 

I'll moke a dean bmst. And ie for the rest. 
Ton may do with nie juntwhat the Uwyers think best ; 
But haunt mo not thus ! — lot liese visitings ceaso. 
And your vengeance aceomplish'd. Bay, leave me in 

—Harry paused for a momonl, — then taming to Bill, 
Who stood with his mouth open, steady and r'*" 

When Gnt these dubious paths I tried — 
Ion livid form was by my side '.— 

• Net livid Uien— the ruddy glow 

Of life, and youth, and health it bore ! 
And bloodless was (hat gory brow. 

And cheerful was the smile it wore. 
And mildly then those eyes did shine — 
— ^Thosc eyes wtiich now are blasting mi 

* They beam'd with confidence and love 

U[ion my face, — and Andrew Brand 
Had sooner tL-ar'd yon frigblfTi'd dove 

Than harm from Gorrase Maleham's b 
—1 am DO Hany Waters— men 
Did call me Gerrase MaCcbam, then. 

■ And Matcham, though a humble name, 

Waj stainless as the tcathcir dake 

From Heaven, whcise virgin whiteness ca 

Upon the newly -frozen lake ; 
rummandn. cornradc, all began 
To laud the Soldier, — tike the Man. 
' Xav, muse ULrt, William, — I have said 
t waa a soldier — staunoh and true 
As any he above whose head 

Old England's lion banner flew ; 
And, duty dune, — her claims apart, — 
'Twas said I had a kindly heart. 
' And y. 

— I kept mine 1 

Oar COloners self, — whom men did Cull 
The veriest Martinet — ev'n he, 
Thoagh cold to roost, was kmd to me ! — 
' One mom — nh 1 may that morning stsad 

Accursed in tbc rolls of fate 
Till latest time !— there come comnLond 

To carry forth a charge of weight 
To a detachment for awsy,— 
—It was their regimental pay I — 

' .\nd who so fit f<jr each a task 

As Inisty Matcham, tmc and tried, 
Who djiura'd the inebriating flask. 

With boBanr for his constant giiidB7— 
On Matcham fell Ibrir choice — and He, — 
'■ Young Drum," — should bear him company 1 
' And grateful was that tonnd to hear. 

For be was full of life and joy. 
The roest-room pet^to neh one dear 

Was that kind, gay, liKht-bearted Iray ; 
— The veriest cbtirl in all our band 
Hod aye a smile for Andrew Brsud. — 
' — Nay, glare not as 1 name thy Bsme I 

Tliat threatening hand, that fearful brow 
Belox — avert that glance of flame I 

Tbou see'st I do thy bidding now t 



Thy blood shall cry tt 

' Enongh- we joumoy'd on— the walk 

Was long, — and dull and dark the day,— 
And still young Andrew's cheerful talk 

And merry lauzh beguiled the way : 
Noon came, a shultering bank was tberc — 
We pBosed our frugal meal to share. 
■ Then 'tvaa, with cantious hand, I sought. 

To prove my charge secure, — and di^^ 
The packet from my vest, and breugbt ?■ 

The glittering mischief forth bivitn 
And Andrew cried, — No I — twas not 
It wai The Tisipteb spoke to n 
> But it was Andrew's laughing n 

That sounded in my tingling ear,. 
— "Now, Geri'iuw Matcham, 

Ease, — n- assail,^ — worship, — every tbin 
' " No tcdions drill, no long parade. 

No bugle call al early dawn; 
For guard-room bench, or barrack bed, « 

The downy couch, the iheels of lami; 
And I thy Page,- thy steps to tend. 
Thy sworn companion,— servant,^ — friendl' 
— ■ He ceased — that is, I heard no maro. 

Though other wurds poss'd idly by. 
And Andrew chatl£r'd as before. 

And hingh'd — I mark'd bim not — not I. 
" "Pitat tlij/ehalcel" that tonnd aluae 
llung in miue ear — voice else was none. 
' I could not eat, — untasted flask 

Mock'd my parch'd lip, — I pass'd it lir, 
" What ails tbo man 7" he leem'd to aafi — 

I fell, but could not nuet his eye. — 
'■'Ttialtty eftoMM?" — it sonnded yet. — 
A sound 1 never may forget 
— ' '■ Haste I haste 1 the day draws on," I crii 

" And, Andrew. Ihon bait (ar to gol" — 
" Hail far to go I" the Fiend re|Jted 

Within me,— 'twas not Andrew — no t 
'Twos Andrew's voice no more — 'twas Ua 
Dlose then I was, and aye most be ! 
— ' On, on we went; — the dreary plain 

Was all around us — we were /ffr« .' 
Then came the stonn.— the lightning, — rain, 

No earthly Lving thing was near, , , 

Save one wild Haven on the wu^, 
— If that, indeed, were eadUy tnittgl.j 
' I heard its hoarse and screaniinj; n 

High hovering o'er my freniied h 
•• 'Tit, Gerrrue Matcham, al IKg dt^tU 

Hut ks — lAe Bou '. " methon^t it m 
— Nay, Andrew, cheek that vengrfnl i 
I loved thee when 1 strncfc thee dowa.g 

' Twas done I the deed that damns in 
I know not how— I never knew I— ■ 

And Here I stood- tiut not alone, — Y 

The prcelrate Boy my m 
Was by my side — limb, fentnre, ni 
'Twas a% I !— another— j-et "' 

' Away I away t in frantic baria 

Throughout that live-long night I 
Away I away I — aerros the wk(0, — 

I know not how — 1 never knew. — 
My mind was one iciU blank — and 1 
Had bat one thought, — one hope — to fljrl 
' And still the lightning plongh'd the n 

The thunder roar'd — and there w" 
Amidst its luudeet hurf^ a sound 

Familiar once— it n-a«— A DBDUi] 
Then came the morn, — and light,- 
Stroels,— houses, — spiroSi—^li* bn 
■ And Ocean roll'd before mo— fai» 

Would 1 have whclm'd me IB ft* ti 
At once beneath the billowy m 

My shame, my guilt, my erii 
But Hi was there !— He cross'! , .. _, 
I dared not pass — He waved me back ! 
' And tbcn rude hands datala'J mt— «Hie 

Ju.itice had grasp'd her tietim~no ! 
Though powerlcts, hopelecs, bound, aocvn, 

A captive thrall, it was not so; , 

Tbey cry, "The Ficuchiiian's on tlie iraT*]^ 
The press nas hut — and 1 atlave. 



The gullBJit ship in nil her prida 

or drndlnl beautj coughl itrt (oe; 
— TlicKi Mw'rt me, Williun. in the ilrila— 
Alack I I bote B cbanncd life 1 
' la viun Ihe boUets roand me flr, 

1q VBin mine <Mga bictut I We 
Death ahum tbo wretdi irho lauf;s to dje, 

And every sword fiiUs alBulcss Ihero 1 
StiU IlR ii nnu ; uid wKnui to crj, 
•■ Not hire, not Uim, m«j Malchim dio I -— 

' Thou tavr'A ma on that fearful day, 

When, fniitlom «U attroipU lo save, 
Out pinnsM (oonderiDg in the bay, 

Tbo bo^fi-ercw met a w»torj pivi:,— 
All, all— we OME, — the wvenons aea 
That iwtUov'd all — tejectod MkI 
> And nor. when flflMD fans have each 
Fulfill'd in torn iti elrding yoaf, 
Thrown Utk aeain on England'! beach, 

Our bark paid oS — Be driTCi luc Hare I 
I eould not dio in flood or fight — 
B> dtivo* me Hesb 1 1 ' — 

' And UTTe yon right. 
WliatI billt yonr Commander I — deeart — and then tobi 
\.nd go tcultlinj a poor little Drmnracr-boj'i noh ; 
nliy, my prt-eioiu eyes 1 what a bloodthlni^ twab I — 
TherasoldDavyJonei, Who crocks Sailors' bones, 
Pot his jaw-work would never, I'm sure, s'olp me Bob, 
Bare come for to go fn to do licha job! [puner-niuiie: 
Bark ye, Waters,— « Matcham,— whichovn's youi 
—T'other, your own, is, Tm aartain, the noner nami'.— 
Fwelve years have we lired on like brother and btull^cr I 
■low — y om eonna lay s one way, and mine Uyi another! '— 
lay not be m : 

blood I— tU IleaTen'i decree I 
And thou with me this night must go. 
And give me to the gallows-lree t 
Ha ! — »e — Bb smiles — H* points Ihe way I 
On. William, on !— no more deUj 1 ■ 
Now Bil^— «□ the (tory. at told tn me, goes, 
And wbo. w bti last tpoech ■uffielently showf, 
Wai a ' regular tnunp,' — did not like to ' tnm Kom -, ' 
But iheo came a thnnder-elap londn than any 
01 thoM (hut preceded, though they were so many, 
And hark ! — an il* mnibUngs subside in a hum. 
What sound minglfa too ?— By the bokey— A DauM 1 ! 

1 remember I once heard my Onuidtalbcr taf. 
That some sixty years sinco'ho was grtng that Wttj, 

When they show'd him tbe spot 

Where the gibbet — was not — 
On which Malchant'i eom bad been hnng np to rot ; 
Jtbadfall'n down-'btit how longbdoro, hed forgot; 
lAsd Ihay tcdd bin. I think, at the Beoi in Deviias, 
5b« town where the Sesions are held, — or the 'SiMs, 

'That Matchom couleu'd, And made a clean breast 
nro the MayV ; but (hat after heM had a nieht's rest, 
[And th« alonn hadmbeidod, he'poob-pooh'd' his friend. 
SwMTinK all was a lie from b^nninsto end ; [sunk 
r Said * he'd oiUy been dmnk ' — Thotbistpiritihad 
iAt the thunder— Ue storm put bim into a Innk, — 
TYut, in fact, he had nothing at all on his conseienee, 
iiai found out, in short, he'd been talking great non- 
Mr Jones Comes forth and depones 
nat lUtcen yean since, he had heard crrtain groans 
On hii way lo Stonehenge (to examine the stonea 
DMcribed in a work of the late Sir John Soane's). [tonea, 

That he'd tollow'd the moans, And. led br thcii 

From the King's Fortv-thiid, 

rbat the ilory wu certainly tme which they'd heard, 

for. that one of Ibcit drummers, and one Sergeant 

Hateham. [catch 'cm 

Had ■ brush 'd wttb tho dibs.' and they never coold 

Bo Josticu WIS sur*. though a lone time she'd lagg'd, 
And tbe Sergeant, in spite 0( his 'Qammon.'got 'scragg'd^' 

And people aTerr'd That an ugly black bin], 
TIm Baxen, 'twos hinted, of whom we haie heard, 
Though the story, I own. appears rather absnrd, 
Wat seen (Oerruc Malebom not being intcir'd), 
To nxHt all that night on the muntrrer's gibbet ; 
An odd thing, if so. and it may ho a fib — it 
How«TM^ a thing Katnrc'i tews don't prohilnt. 
'fUait morning Ibrj odd, that 'block gentleman' 


It yoj contsmplnto walking o'er Saliibuiy plain 
Connilt Mr. Murphy, or l&ore. and rcfroin 
From selecting a day when it's Uki:ty to rain I 

WhentniirTling.don't'flaah' Yonrnotesoryi 
Before other peoplo^it's foolish and rash ! [ei 

At dinner be cautious, and nol« well yoor party 1— 
There's little to dread where the appetite's hearty .— 
But mind and look well loyonr purse and yoor throttle 
When you see amanabirkjng.and passing his bottle 1 

If yon chance to be needy. Your coot and hat 
In Kar-timo oipccially never go out [seeily, 

When you've reason to th ink there's a press- gang aboul 1 

Don't chatter, nor tell people oil that you think. 
Nor blah secrets, — especially when vou're in drink. — 
Bnt keep your own counsel in all that you do 1 
— Of a Counsel may, some day or other, keep you. 

Discard inperstition ! — and don't lake a posti 
If yon happen to see ono at night, for a ghost I 
— Lost of ill, if by choice of canvenienca youYe led 
To cut a man's throat, or demolish his bead. 
Don't do 'tin a thaader-storm — wait for the sommerl 
And mind, abovo oU things, the Mas' 

DllUUKEB 1 1 

a bdndle «t letWn I find o» from Socklnhaatbtln. 
a Loodon, and cvoMntitc Uls *pniDa of uorbtlia Ihe 

bd ffttm vitlwDI bit I 



Ibrlng pick'd Matcham's i 

— ' But Fiddle-de-deo sings clear and loud, 

And bis trills and his quavers astonish the crond ; 

Such a singer as he Toull nowhere see ; 
Tbej-'il oli be screaming fat Fiddle-de-dee I ' 
— ■ Tbooijh Fiddle-de-dee sings lond and clear, 
And his tones are sweet, yet his terms are dear! 

The " glove won't £t 1 " Tbe deuce a bit. 
I shall give an engagement to Fal-de-ral-tit 1 ' 
The Prompter bow'd, and he went to bis stall. 
And the ereen baise rose at the Prompter's coll, 
And Fal-de-Tol-tit snng fol'de-rol-lol ; 

But, scaite had he done When a ' row ' begun, 
Each a noise wa« never heard under tbe sun. 

' FidJIe-de-dee !— —Where is he ? 
' Be's the ArtitU whom we all want to see I — 

Dul-dmml^ — Dol-drtunl — Bid theMnnagercomi 
It's a Bcaodaloos thing to exact such a turn 
For boxes and gallery, stalls and pit, 
And then fob us off with a Fal-de-ral-lit I 

Pence a bit ! Well never labmil I 
Vim Fiddle-do-de I a bat Fol-de-ral-lit 1 ' 
DnI-drnm the Manager rose from his chair. 
With a gloomy brow and diasatiaficd air ; 

But he smoothed his brow As he well knew how. 
And be walk'd on, and mads a most slegaiit bow. 
And he pansed, and he smiled, and advanced U 
In hia opera-hat. and his opcra-tighta ; [lights, 

' Ladies and Gentlemen,' then said he, 
' Pray what may you please lo want witb me I ' 

' Fiddle-de-dee I— Fiddle-de-dee I ' 
Folks of everj sort and of everr degree. 
Snob, and Snip, and haughty Qraudee, 
Duchmsee, Countesoes. Iresh from Ibeir tea, 
And Shopmen, who'd only come there fur a Spres, 
Halloo'd, and hooted, and r<ar'd with glee 

Fiddle-de-dee '. — None bat IIv I — 
Subscribe to his Icnni. whatever they 1m I — 
Agree, agree, or voo'll very soon tee 
In a brace of shJwt well get up an O.P. ! ' 

Dot -drum the Manager, full of care. 
With a gloomy bruw and disBatisUed ait, 
Looks dislreat. 
And be bows hts best, 
And he puts his right hand on the side of his brensl. 
And be sajs,— says be. ' Wo mn'l agree ; 
terms are a vast deal too high for nie. — 
re's the rent, and the ratts, and tlie sesM". and 

a't afford Fiddle-de-dee what he n»es. 

If you'll only permit Ful-de-ral-lit ' 

Tbe ' Generoos Pnhlic ' cried, ■ Deuce a Ht I 

Dol-dtum!— Dol-drumI— Well noneofuicoroe. 
It's "No Go 1" — it'8"GiunmoiiI''— ifs-'allallumf'- 
'ou're a miserly Jew 1 — " Cock-a-doodle-do ! " 
Be ifon'I ask too much, as von know — so you do — 

ahnme — it^ a sin — it a really too boil — 

You ought lu be Uiamed of yourself — so you had 1 ' 

Dol-dnim the Klasoger never before 

In his lifetime bad beard tnch a wild uproar. 

Dol-dmm tbe Manager turn'd to Dee ; 

But be says — say* he, ' iWorf Jo ma ri'e .' 
I shall nevart engage vid dat Firtdle-d<i-dee ! ' 
Then all tbe genlleTolks Hew in a rage. 
And they jump'd front Ihe Omnibus on to the Stage. 
Lords, Quires, and Knights, they came down to the 

In t£eir opera-hats, and their open-tighta, 

Ma'om'sello Chenytoes Shook to her vary toe*, 
She couldn't hop on, so hopp'd off on her merry toes, 
And the 'evenmg concluded 'with ' Tbree t imcs three I ' 
' Bip— hip [— hnrrah I lor Fiddlc-de-dea 1 ' 

Dol-drum the Manager, full of care. 
With a troubled brow and dLssalislied nir. 

Saddest of men. 

Sat down, and then 
Took from his table a Pcrryan pen, 

And he wrote to the ' News.' 

How MacFuie and Tregooie, 
Lord Tomnoddy, Sir Carnal^ Jenks of tbe Blues. 
And the whole of their XtSl, and the separate crews 
Of the Tags and the Bags, and the Xo-one- knows- w bos, 
Uad combined Monsieur Fal-de-rol-tit to abuse. 

And make Dol-drum agree 

Witb Fiddle-de-dec. 
Who was not a bit better singer than be. 
Dol-drom declared ' he never could see, 
For the life of bim, yet, why Fiddle -do -dee. 

Who m B flat, or C, 

Or whatever the key. 
Could never at any time gel below G, 

Id expect a fee the same in degree 
As the great Burlybumbo who sjiigi double D.' 
Then slyly he adds a little N.B., 
If they'd hare him in Paris he'd not come to me I ' 

The Manager rings, 

And the Prompter n>ringa 
To bis side in a jitly, and witb him be brings 

of those odd'Iooking envelope things. 

MThcre Britannia (who seems to bo crucified) lliiig* 
To her right and her left fnnny pe<^le with wing) 
Amongst Elephants. Quakns, and Catabiw Rings 

And a taper and wax 

And amaU Queen's beads in packs, 
Which, when notes are loo big, you're to rtick on llie 

Dol-drum the Manager leol'd with earn 
The letter and copies he'd written so fair. 
And sat bimwlf down with a satislied air ; 

Without delay He sent them aw»r. 
In time to appear in ' our columns ' next day ! 

as AUcFuie. 

Lieutenant Tregooie, 

And there was Sir Oamabr Jenks of Ihe Bloo, 

And the Toga, and the Bags, and the No-ane-knows- - 

And Ihegreen-baiie rose at the Promptn'scatl. 
And they all began to hoot, bellov. and bawl. 
And cry ■ Cock-a-doodle,' and scresm and squall 

■Dol-dnmll- Dol-drum I Bid the Manager eul 

Yon'd have thought from tbe tones, 

131 their hisses and groans. 
They were bent on brettking bii (Open) bonos. 
Ann Dol-dmm comes, and he »j*—^tji be, 
• Pray what may you please to want wrth mo t ' — 

• Fiddte-do-dca I— Fiddle-da-dee I 
We'U have Dubody give us tal/a but He t 
For he's Ihe ArUtli whom wo all want tu tKi. 


— Manager Dol-i!ium laja — «aj8 ha — 

(And he look* like »n Dwl in ■' hollow boech-trcc '1 

■ Won, dnw 1 see Tho thing most Ire. 
Ill siga Aa agreement n>ith Fiddle-de-dee 1 ' 

Then Mac F we, uid TrcKuozc 

And Jenks of the Bines, 
And tlie Tags, and tho Hags, and the No-ODC-knon-j- 

Extremely delighted to bear mch good news, 
Dttiat from Iheir shrill ' Coek-a-doodle-dooa.' 

' Tive Piddle-de-dcc I Dol-dnun and He 1 
They aje joIIt good fcUows u ercr need be I 
And Eo'a Burlybunibo, who siDgs double D I 
And wheaever thej sing, why, well all romc nnd soc 1 

So after all This terrible sqtull, 
Ptddle-de-dec 'a at the toji of tho tree. 

And Dul-dnuD and Fal-de-ral-lit sing simlJ I 

Now Fiddle- de-dec lingi load and clew 

And Ma'am'soUo Chenytoas Sports lifr merry 

Dancing away to (he nddlra and flatc!t. 

la what the folki call a ' LithnuiiBn ' in boots. 

So hero's nn tnd to my one, two, and Ihrw ; 
And bless the Qoecn— and long lire she 1 
And grunt that there never again may bo 

About nothing on earth bat ' l 

■nrutavUeli I ■taaUiabmntmsibHimtorUicumcchni 
la ibsw ftmwrlr aerind from Uw mot mm, and ni; br 
tldcnd u ibwtoiliB-lilHorial. or l^ncU ru- lUa Um». 

Wllb ntOK* to the nnt IcgFiid on ibli liil. 1 hive M ra 
thai, ttomfa Iba |0f- " " - 

w load Filber [a ■Uent oi 

nhs pliTi, (honcb iiiKlniT, ■ 
tDld>GAlo«l In bit Ttlm. Thl 
iKt Bt Uu usu or §uiii>|ie, Intpi 

•FUlEmtDl ararl^r. or qalf. <' 

tlMUt qalduB, ml aaaito 
IbfiA, (jv fhutntna mft, n 
Quod cam tmt, et Dmnlne 

ia ■vpportvd hy I 



■olinnl. Dwouea Indploot cDDBaaarl it Tnclfrnrl. pt 
•plnnqae pir fMtmtu tormli unonim, Inponira. [tlluni. 
■BDMUue fnenla rino «n1(ta. Jk. Ingolt palp, iibi in/e 

ITS in Bolton Hall, and the clock strikes One, 
And tho roast meat's brown and the boil'd moil 

And the barbecu'd sucking-pig's crini'd to a turn, 
And the pancakes are fii«l, and beginning to bum: 

The fat (tnbble-goose Swims in gravy and Inic 
With the mustard and apple-sauce ready for use - 
Fiih, fletb. and fowl, and all of the best, 
Wanl nothing but eating— they're all ready dr«t. 
But where is tba Ho«t, uid where is the Guest > 
Panllcr and sen-lng-man, henchman and page. 
Stand snilSng the dock- stuffing (onion and sage). 

And the KuUions and co(&, Willi Sdgptr looks, 
Arc grumbling and mntt'ring, and scowling as black 
L As cuoks always do when tho dinner's put back ; 
t For though the booid's dcckt. and the napery, fair 
As (ho nnsnmi'd snow-Hake, is spr«id out with care. 
And the Dais is fumiih'd with stool and with ehaii, 
And plate of OfJ€etrU costly and rare, 
Aposfle-tpoon*. aalt-celUr. all are there. 

And Mess Jthn in hia place, With his nibicond 
i Jlnii bis hands ready folded, prppsrod to tty Grace, 
I yet where in the Uoat ?— and his coniri*e»— where? 
I JThe Srroope sits lonely in Bulton Hall, 
f And ha watchn ths dial that bugs by the wall, 
r He walchni the large hand, he walcba the amoj], 

Anil he fidgets end looks As cr»u u the cook:;. 
[ And he utlen — a wca-d which well soften to ' Znnkf 
"'ftr'fr, 'R'Jmlonc4ilht<ttU«uiocoIth«iiiilIf- 

Wby_ ^ , 

Nukes, and De Styles, and Lord Mannaduke 

And De Roc ? And Da Doe 7 [Grey ? 

Poynings and Vavasoor— where be they ? 
Pill- Walter, Fits-Oabert, Piti-Hugh, and Fiti-Joho, 
And the Mandcvillea, pcre sE^Ii (father and sod); 
Their curds said " Dinner precisely at One 1 " 

There's nolhinglhate, in The world, like waitingl 
It's a monstrous great bore, when a Qentlemati feels 
A good appetite, thus to be kept from his meals I ' 
It's in Bulton Hall, and the clock strikes Two I 
And the scullions and cooks are themselves in ' a stew,' 
And the kitchen-maids stand, and don't know what to do, 
Por the rich plum-puddings arc bursting their bags, 
And the mutton and tumipi ore boiling to rags. 

And the fish is all spoiTd. And the bultcr^s aU oU'd, 
And the soup's got cold in the silver tureen. 
And there's nothing in sheet that is fit to be seen 
While Sir Guy Lc Scroope continues to fume. 
And to fret by himself in the tapestrijd room, 

And atill fidgets, and looks More cross than the 

d ropcals that bad word, which we've softea'd to 

Two o'clock's come, and Two o'clock's gone, 
And the large and the small hands move steadily on. 
Still nobody's there. No De Boos, or Dc CUrc, 
To taste of the Scroope's most delicate fare, 
Or to quaff off a hc?allh unto Bolton's Heir, 
That nice little boy who sits in his chair. 
Some four years old. and a few months Id spare. 
With his laughing blue eyes and his long cnrly hair, 
Kow sucking his thumb, and now munching his pear. 

Again, Sit Guy the silence broke, 

' It's bard upon Three t — it's just on the stroke I 

Come, serve up the dinner I — A j^e is a joke t ' — 

Iiittle he deema tlist Stephen de Hoaques, 

Who 'his fnn,' as the Yankees say, everywhere 'pokes, 

And is always a groat deal too fond of his jokes. 

Has written a circular note to De Nokea, 

And De Sbles, and De Roe, and the rest of Ihe folks. 

One and all,— Great and small, 

Who wore ask'd to the HaU 
To dine there and sup, and wind up with a baU, 
And had told all the party a great bouncing lie, be 
Cook*d np, that the 'fele was postponed Fine Jie, 
The dear little eurly-wigg'd hoir of Lb Scroope 
Being taken alonningty ill with the croup I ' 

When the clock struck Three, And the Page ou his 

Said, ' An't please yon, Sir Guy Le Scroope, Onatervi'.' 
And the Knight found the banquet -hall empty and clear. 

With nobody near To partake of his cheer, 
He stamp'd, and he storm'd — then his language '. — Oh 

Twos awful to see, and 'twas awful to hear I 
And be cried to the butl^m-deck'd Page at hit knee, 
Who had told him so civilly ' On a tervi,' 
• Ten thoBsand fiends seize them, wherever they be 1 
—The Devil take tUm I and the Devil take fAw .' 
And the Devil mat eat vf the disn^ fob ue 1 1 ' 
In a Ivrrible fume He bounced out of the room. 
He bounced out of the house — and page, footman, and 

Bounced after their master ; for scarce had tbey heard 
Of this left-handed Grace the last finishing word, 
Ere the bom at the gate of the Barbican tower 
Was blown with a lond twenty-tnunpeler power. 

And in rosb'd a tnx^ Of strange guests ! — snch a 

As had ne'er before dorkcn'd the door of the Scroope 1 
This looks like Do Saje— yet— it is not Da Says— 
And this is — no, 'tis nof~^ir Beginald Brayc — 
This has somewhat the favour uf Martuadulie Grey— 
But stav! — Wlirrt on tarth did he griOiotr long nailtf 
Why, they're clitvil — then Good Gracious I — they've 

oflof them t'liltf 
That cant be De Vanx- why, his nose is a bill. 
Or, I would say a beak I — and be cant keep it still 1— 
Is that Poynings ?— Ob Gemini I look at his leet ! 1 
Why, they're absolute Aoo/sf— is it gout or bis 

And the Mandcvill««, pi-re ft fill (father and son). 
And Fitz-Osbert, and VBora^-Hiet/ve all i/ol them on 
Then their great saucer eyes — it's the Father of lie 
And his Imps — run ! nio 1 run 1 — lh»yie all fiends i 

Who've partly assumed, withmoresomhrec«nple»i«Bi 
The forms of Sir Guy Le Scroope's friends and oonoiW' 

And De— at the ton there— that grim-looking eK— 
hat'sthe ■muckle-hora'dClootie himadf 

' what a din Witboat and within t 
For the court-yard Is full of tbem. — How they begin 
To mop, and to mowe. and make faces, and grin 1 

Cock their tails up together. Like cowl in hot 

I butt at each other, all eating and drinking-, 
viands and wine disappearing like winking. 
And then such a lot As together had got I 
Master Cabbage, the steward, who'd make a machine 
To calcolate with, and ennnt noses,— I ween 
The cleroreat thing of the kind ever seen. — 
Decbircd, when bi'd made, Bythe 

Up, what's now called, the* totlle'of IlioeelieaBtnrll, 
There were just — how he proved It I cannot ^viw^— 
Kiof. ihmitand, nine hundred, atid ntmtp and «Am. 

Exclusive of Him, Who. giant in limb. 
And black as the crow, they denominate Jint, 
With a laJ like a bull, and a bood like a beat. 
Stands forth at the window, — and what ht^ds bellMm 

Which he hags with such care, And pohea «al 

And grasps aa its limbs from each other he'd learF 

Ob t grief and despair ! I vow and dedarr 
It's lis Scroope's poor, dear, sweet, little, cnily-wi^g'd 

Heir I 
Whom the nurse bad forgot, and left there in hi* chair. 
Alternately sucking his thumb and bis pear. 

What wordsean express The dismay tud dlatrM 
Of Sir Guy, when he fonnd what a tenible m^ 
His cursing and banning had now got him intof 
That curds, which to use are a shame and a rin too, 
Had thus on tlieir speaker recoil'd, and his uialisni 
Placed in the hands of the Devil's own • pal ' his vn !— 
He sobb'd and be sigb'd, And he scream'd, and he 

And behaved like a man that is mad or iu limiat,— he 
Tore his p<sk'd heard, and be dasb'd off his ' vicary.'* 
Stamp'd on the jasey As thuugh he w*r« < 

To the person, whoever he may be, that climbs 
To that window above there, en o^vee. and pai^dL 
And bring down my curly -wi' ' hereSirGigrlnaliil 

Witi many a moan, And numy a grou. 
What with tweaks of the nose.ond some taa de CU*f« 
He revived, — Beoson once mole remuunted bti tknaw 
Or rather Ibe instinct of Nature, — twere ti 
To Her, in the Scroops's rose.pc ' 
But what saw he Uien ?— Oh 1 my G 
Enough to have banish'd his reason ootright 1 — 

In that bmud banquet hall The Ceiuls one and 
Regardless of shriek, and of squeak, and ol wjnlll, 
Fran one to another were tfssing that small 
Pretty, cnrly-wiee'd boy, aa if playing at baU ; 
Yet none ol bis friouds or his vassals might dart 
To fly Ic the rescue or rush up the stair. 
And "bring down in safety his curly-wi^'d Heirl 

Welfa day I WeU a day I All he can say 
Is but just so mncb trouble and time thrown avii; : 
Not a man can be tempted to JoiD the m^lA, ^ 
E'en these words cabalistic, ■ IprumiM to pajr 
Fifty pounds on demand,' have, for <niee,Ml ItH* 

And there the Knigbt stands, Wringing bi 
In his agony — when on a sudden, one tier 
Of hope darts through bis mtdrill I— Bis Salnl !— Ob U 

-he's the n 

And almost absurd, 
' Ay I the Scroope's Palion Saint I- 

my money I 
Saint — who is it ?- really I'm sadly to blame, — 
On my word Pro afraid,— I confess it with ahame.— 
That I've almost forgot Ihe good Gentleman's name,— 
Cut — let me see— Cnlbeard ? — no 1 — Ct<niBEBT I — ejpJ 
St Culhbert of Bolton I— I'm ngbt^he's the lad ! 
Oh, holy St Cuthberl. if forbears of mine — 
Of myself 1 say little, — have knelt at your iluind 
■ ■ liave lasS'd th 

with ti 

1 their bare backs, and — 

Oh 1 list' to the vow Wluch I make to you om 
Only snatch my poor little boy oat of the rcw 
Which that Imp'r lucking np with his fiendish bnw-m 
And bis head Lko a bear, and his tail like ■ run I 
Bring him beck here iu safely I — perform bat U 



With K biilliuicf hall ia nsplendeDt a* thine, 
Or tuTB fo many eandles, or look hilf M fine I — 
UulB, holy St Cuthbcrt, then,— hsiten in pity I '— 

— Conoeive bis lurprise 
Wbea a sbaiige voice replies, 
• It"* a bargain l^but, mind, sir, The bwt Srcnu*- 

I Bar, whow Uut vuicc ? — wbcwe that lona by his siilr, 
I That old. old. grey uuui. with bii bcud long and vriilc, 

In his e«u3s Palinet'i WMsb, 

And his cockle and beads? — 
And, how did he come ?— did he walk 7— did he rid* ? 
Oh 1 oene could detGnninc, — oh ! none could decide, — 
The fact ia, I dont believe any one tried ; 
For while vt'rj one staled, vith a dignified stride, 

And withoat a word toore, 

Qe maicb'd on beloce. 
Up a flight of stone rtep«, and so through the front 

Ziittlo shuttlecock there of the cutly-wigg'd Heir. — 

— I wish, goatiB Reader, Ibat yon could have eoea 

The pause that enaued when he stepp'd in between, 

With his resulate air, and hia dignified mien. 

And aaid, in a tone moat decided thungh mild, 

' Come I 111 trouble yon jitat to hand over that child 1 ' 

The Demoniac ciuwd In on instant scem'd ccw'd ; 
Not one of the crew vuluulaor'd a reply, 
All shrunk from the glance of Uml KDen-Oaahiag eye, 
Save one hornd HumgnilSn. who seem'd by bia luik, 
And the aira he ossumnl. to be Cock of the walk, 
He <)Dail'd not before it, bat mucily met it. 
And ai uneity said, ' Don't you wish you may get it 7 ' 
My Goodoeii 1— the look thai the old Palmer gare ! 
And hi> (rowu I — 'twas quite dreadful to witness — 

Vou ratcal 1 ' qnoth be, 
' This bugoige to MR I 
I >r-At oDCp, Mr Niebobu I down on your knee, 
I Aod hand me that eutly-wigg'd boy 1— I cumniand it— 
] Cene I — none uf yoor nonsense I— you know I wun't 

Old Nicholas trembled,— he sho<:k in his rhues. 
And ioem'd half inetined. but afraid, to refuse. 

' Well, Cuthberl,' aaid be, 

* 1! BO it must be, 
For yon 've had your own way from the firal time I knew 


it, and mncb good may hi 

But m havo in exchange '—hero his eye flash 'd with 

' That chap wilh Ihe buttoo*— he gave ms the Pago '. ' 

gol — 

The DoTil grew hot — 

An you come lo (hat, Cuthbert, m tell jou what'a what 1 
He hns aak'd us to dine lure, and go we will not I 

Why, yon Skinflint.— at Teost 

Tou may leave us the feast I 
Here we've come all that way from our brimstone abode. 
Ten niillion good leagues, sir, us ever you strode. 
And Ihe deuce of a lunchBoa we've had on the rutid — 
— " Go 1 "—" Millie 1 ■' indeed — Mr Saint, who are 

! should like to know 7 — "Qol " — 111 behong'dlf 1 do! 
He invited us all — we've a right here — it's k^owa 
Thut a Baron ma,j do what ho likes wilh his own — 
Here, Asmodeus — a slice of Uut beef; — nowthomus- 

What have ^vu gut ? — ch, apple-pie — try it with eat- 


The Saint made a pauso 

As uncertain, because 
lie know Nick is pretty well 'up' in the laws, [claws 1 
And they might be on his side — and then, bed such 
On the whole, it was better, he thought, to retire 
With the curly-wigg'd bey he'd pick d out of the fire, 
And give up tba victuals — to retrace hia path, 
'And to C0DipT(»iuse — (spite of the Member for Bath). 

So to Old Nick's appeal, 

Ag he tamed on hjs heel. 
He replied, ' Well, 111 leave you the multon and veal. 
And ue aoup i la Reine, and the asuce fecAarnel ,* 
As the Scroope iluf invite you to dinner, I feel 
1 cant well (urn you out — 'twould be hardly genteel — 
But be moderate pray, — and remember thus mucL, 
Since you're treated as Qentlemen — show yourseltn 

And don't make it late. But mind and go straight 
Hume to l)od when you've Gnisbcd — and don't steal the 

V' rwreach off the knocker, or bell from the gate 
VVulk aivaj, like respectable Devils, in peace. 
Vud duii't "laik" with the watch, or annoy the poLce ! ' 

Ifavine thus said hit say, 

I'hat rolmer grey 
Took up liltle Le Scroope, and walk'd coolly iway. 
While the demons all set up a 'Hipl liipl tiaiTabt' 
Then fell, tooth aud nail, on the victuals, as they 
Had been gaeats at Ouildboll upon Lord Maygt't day. 
All scrambling and scuffiiag fur what was before 'cm, 
No care Im prccodence or common docoruni. 

Few ale more hcoily 

Than Madame Aslorte, 
\!i<l llrcate, — consider'd Ihe Belles of the party. 
1^ lucL'U them was seated Leviathan, esger 
III 'ilii Ihe polite,* and take wine with Belphegur; 
Ikrc was lioMeit (a French devtl^. sapping suup- 

And there, munching leeks, Davy Jones of Tredegar 
(A Welsh one), who'd left the domains of Ap Morgan 
To • follow the sea.'— and next him Demogtagon, — 
Then Tan with bis pipes, and Fauns grinding the 

To Moiiunon and Belial, and half a score dancers. 
Who'd join'd with Medusa to get Dp 'the Lancers;' 
— Hero s Lucifer lying blind drunk with Scotch aJc. 
Whde Bceliobuh's tying huge knots in his loiL 
There's Sctebos, storming because Mephistvpheles 

Gave him the lie, 

Said he'd 'blackoi his eye,* 
And dosh'd in his face a whole cup of hot coHee-lci-'s :^ 

Ramping and roaring, 

Hiecougning, snoring. 
Never was seen such a liiit before in 
A gentleman's house, or such profligalo revclli ug 
At any tot'r^e — where Ihey don't let the Devil in. 

Hark! as sure as fole The clock's striking Eight! 
(ha hour whu^b our ancestors coll 'getting late,') 
When Nick, « ho by this time was rather ulale, 
Rose ap and aldteu'd them. 

■Tis fall time,' he said, 
■ For all cMerl j Devils to be in their bed : 
for my own piul I moon lo be jogging, because 
I don't find myself now quite to young as 1 was; 
Uut, Oontlemon, ere I depart from my poet. 

iich I h 

:o propose ia, — Oca Eiceti-evr Uq*T I 

ITealsobeaUe Tose 
Himsolf . and enjoy, in a family way. 
His good company dmontair* at no distant da^ 1 

You'd, I'm sure, think me rude If I did not inrlud 
In the toast my yonng friend there, the cnrly-wigg' 
He's in very eood hands, for jou'reallwcUowaro [Heirt« 
That St Cuthbert has token him under his cars i ^| 

Though I must not say " bless," — 

— Why vooTl easily ^ess, — 
May our curly-wigg'd Friend's shadoif ni 
Nick took off hia hoel-taps-bow'd— smiled — with ri. 
Most graciously grim, — and vacated the chair — [aJi 

Of course the €liie Rose at once on their feet. 
And follow'd their leader, and beat a retreat ; 
When a sky-larking Imp took Ihe Pre^denl's seal, 
And, reqaiHting that each would replenish his cur, 
Said, ' Where we have dined, my boys, there let 

sup I'— 
— It was three in the morning before they broke up 1 1 9 

I scarcely need aay Sir Guy didn't delay 
To fulfil hia vow mode to St Culhhert, or |Hiy 
For the candles he'd promised, or make light as day 
The shrine ho assured him he'd render so gar. 
In faci, when the votaries came there to pray, 
All said there was nought to compare with it — nay, 

For fear that the Abbey Might think he wasshabhj^ 
Four Brethren thenceforward, two cleric, two laf . T 
He urdain'd should take charge of a new -founded cliontrdi^l 
Wilh sii marcs a- ..... ... .. -f« 

In ihurt the w 

Declared, through his boimly. 
The Abbey of Bolton exhibited Irosh sconcK 
From any display'd since Sit William de Meachinos, 
And Cecily RoumeU come to this nation 
With William the Norman, and laid its foundation. 

For the rest it is aaid. And I know I havo roail 
In some Cbronicin — whose, has (^nc out of my heud — 
That, what with llicte candles, and otlirr expenses, 
Wbjch no man would go to if quite in his senses. 

And that, many vears after that terrible feasi. 

Sir Guy, ia the Abbey, was living a Priest ; 

And there, in one thousand and — something. — deceased, 

(It's supposed by this trick He bambooilod Old Nick 
And slipp d through his fingers reniarkably 'slick.') 
Whih),as to jonng Cnrly-wig,— Dear little Soul, [Boll, 
Would joa know more of hira, you must look at ■ The 

Which records Ihedispule, And the subsequent suit. 
Commencod in- Thirteen iev'n1y-live,'—«hich look rootj 
In Le OrcBvenor's ossuiiimg the arms Le Scroope (WOl"^ 
That none but hii onoctton, ever belorc, 
lu foray, joust, battle, or toatnamcnt wore, 
To wit,- On d Pmsston-UHe FialJ, a JDend Or;' 
While the Grosveaor nvert'd that kU ancestor bare 
The some, and Scroope lied like a— somebody tore 
Off the simile, — so I can lell you no more. 
Till some A duuble S shall the fragment resluro. 

This Legend sound maxims oxctnplifia — eg. 
imo Should anything tease yon, 
Annoy, or displease you. 
Rcmcmbnr what Lilly sayi, '.inlnumrefF*.'* 

And IS for that shocking bod habit of swearing,~a 
In all good society voted post bearing, — 
Bxhew it t and leave it U> dustmen and mobs. 
Not commit yourself much beyond 'Zuoksl' i 

itlo. When isk'd out to diue by a Person of Quality, 
Mind, and obeerve the moat altici punctuality ! 
For should joueomelate, And make diuncrwai 

And — though both may, perhaps, Iw too well-b 

They heartily iruA you- 1 will not say Whcrt 

jfio. Look well toyoni Maid-acrvooto I — aayyouM 

To eee to the children, and nol to neglect them 1 • 
, And if joa'n a widower, just throw a eomiry ■ 
Glance m, at times, when yuu go near theNm^ei^B 
— Pertuipi it'« 01 well lo keep children from pluir" 
And frum pears in the geasoa, — and socking thi 
thumbs 1 
4^11, To Kum np the whole witb a ■ Saw ' of much uaq 
Oejiul and h* fjtaliTcna, — dion't be prn/uie .' — 


Pay tJiB dabU that joa owe, — ^eep joai word to 

ytmi fcimda. 
But — Don't asT rocn oai<di.eb *i.ioht at both 

For of Ibit be danired, if yon • go it ' too (nsl, 

YouTl be ' dish'd ' like Sir Gny, 

Aod like bim, pnbapt. die 
A poor, old, half-«UiTEd Couatry PaiSQO ul last 1 

Fur Ibe Liveud Uut ttilloin. FiIliR Jntan bu, It wtll bn aceti 
the )piTc autlicrilf of • tUnniib rrtUia. ThiiiDod FiUitr. vbu 

KG UgiuL ipenl KT«rkl jun. La tbcejirllcf lurt cjhl« life, npoi 
Um COaUBut. I tun ni duuU bul thU durinE Ihli pfrial hi 

S Hotfllut b bic Drbc fait FplBcopu«,quL Arfiini^tiui,ir; 

Cf Blcil, 


Was the Buhop 
Aud a pidful uiau vu he, 
He grteied sud bo pined 
For the noe» of maakiad, 
And of brntes in their degree, — 
Ha would rescue the rat 
Froin the claws of the eat, 
And Ect the jtoor captive free ; 
Though hu cassock was Ewarming 
With all sorts o£ yermin, 
He'd not lake the life of a Ben 1— 
Kind, tender, forgiTiog, 
To all things living, 
From iajor; still he'd endeavour to screen 'em- 
Fish, Sesb, or (owl,— no diSerenee tKtircen 'em 
Nihil futavit a kb AUE:nTM. 

The Bishop ot Blois was a holy man, 

Aholj man was he I 
For Holj Church 
He'd seek and he'd seareb 

As • Bishop in bis deeree. 
From fa« and from friend 
He'd ' np and he'd rend,' 

Tn anement her treasurje. 
Nought would he give, and little he'd lend, 
That Hcl; Church might have more to spend. - 

■ Count Stephen ' (of Blois) ' wu a worlhj Peer. 

I but a 

U« bcld them sixpenco all too dear, 
And so be call'd the Tailor lown I *— 
[Had It been the Bishop instrad of the Count. 
FAnd he'd orercharzed hiin to ball the ammuvt, 
W Ue had knock'd that Tailor down I— 
P Xotforbimstlft— Be despised the pctf ; 
' He dreas'd in sackrlotb, ho dined oil delf ; 
And, nben it was cold, in lieu of a mHout, 
The gnoJ man would wrap himself up in his virtue. 

Alack 1 that a man mi holj as be, 
So fraok aud free in his decree, 
And aa good and so kind, ^ould mortal be ! 
Yet so it is — for loud and dear 
From St. Nicholas' tower, on the liiteninfr ear. 
With solemn swell The deep-toucd beil 
Flings to tbc gale a funeral knell ; 

And hark 1 — atitssonnd, Asacunnlogold hounds 
\VTiflo he opens, at once causes all the joong whelps 
Of the cij to put in their loss dignified jelps, 

J to put in 

-the Lttle '. 

So— the little bells all. No i . 
From the eteeples both inside ami outeide the nail 

With bell-mctal throat Respond to the note, 
And join the lament that a prelate so pious is 
Forced thus to leave bis disconsolate diocese, 

Or, as Blois' J^rd May'r Is beard to declare, 
■ Should leave this here worid for to go to that Uiere.' 
And see, the portals opening vide, 
From the Abbe/ flows the living tide ; 

Forth from the doors The torrent point, 
Acoljtes, Monks, and Friars in scons, 
This with bis chasuble, that with his rosmj. 
This from bis incense-pot turning his nose awry, 

Holj Father, ajid Holj Mother, 

Holj Bislcr, and Holy Brother, 

Serge, sackdotb, and shirts 

As now we make use of to stuff an arm-chair, 

Or weave into gloves at three jhiljings a pair, 

And employ for shampooing in cases rheumatic,— a 

Special specific. I'm told, for Sciatica, 

Through groined arch, and bj cloislcr'd stone, 

With mosses and ivj long o'ergrown, 

Slowlj the throng Come passing along. 
With manj a ehant and solemn song. 
Adapted (or holidavs, high -days, and Sondays, — 
Din iric, and De pro/unAit, 
Miierere. and Da-niine dMge nos, — 
Sucb as, I bear, to a vcij slow tone arc all 
Conunonlj chanted by Monks at a funeral, 

To secure the delu net's repose, 
And to give a brood hint tu Old Nick, should the ncns 
Of a ptdate's decease bring him there on a cmise, 
That he'd belter be minding his P's and bis Q's, 
And not come too near. — since tbev can, if they choose, 
Make bim shake inhiahuifs — as be docs not wear shoes. 

Still on thej go, A goudJj show, 
With footsteps sure, though ccrl^ijj tjow. 
Two by two m a very long row ; 

With feathers, and Mates In monming suits, 
Undertaker's men walking in bat- bands and buots, — 
Then c<Bnes the Crosier, ail jewels and gold, 
Borne by a lad about eighteen years old ; 
Next, OD a black velvet cushion, the Milro, 
Borne bj a younger boy, 'eatiao it is lighter. 
Eight Franciscans, stnrdj and strong. 
Bear, in the midst, the good Bishop along ( 
Eight Franciscans, stout and tall, 
Walk at the corners, and hold up the pal! ; 
Eight more hold a caaopj high over oil, [Suul. — 
With eight Trumpeters looting the Dead March in 
Behind, as Chief Afoumcr, the Lord Abbot goes, his 
Monks coming after him. all with posies. 
And white pocket-handkerchiefs up at their noses, 
Which Ibej blow whenever his Lordship blows his — 
And oh I tis a comely sight to see 
How Lords and Ladies, of bigh degree, 
Vail. a« thej pass, upon bended knee. 
While quite as polite ore the Squires and the Knighld, 
In their helmets, and hauberks, and cast-iron tights. 
Ay, 'tis a comely sight to behold. 
As the company march 
Through the rounded arch 
Of that cathedral old I— 
Singers bcbind 'em, and singer? bofcro 'em. 
Ail of them ranging in due decomin. 
Around the inside of the Sanofum Sancforutn. 
While brilliant and bright An nnwonteJ light 
(I forgot to premise this was all done at niglit; 
The links and the torches, and Sanibeaux shed 
On the senlptured foims of the Might; Dead, 
That rest below, mostly buried in lead, 
And abore. recumbent in grim ropoie. 
With their mailed hose. 
And their dogs at thoii tocfl, 
And little boys knoeling beneath them in tows, 
Their hands join'd in pray'r, all in very long elothee, 
With inscriptions on brufs, begpng each who survives, 
As they some of them seem to hue led so-so lives. 
To ^rnic Cdt Ittr Sotolrs uf themsulvos osd their wives, — 

Not i-emac; 

That il — Latin — I don't think they meddtod «> 

In short, the whole thing produced — so lo (peak — 
What in BliMsthej wonldcallaCbiipii'iEil mtfnt/tpa 
Yet. snrely, whoa (be level my 
mild eve's descenduig 

As thcii) — in simplest vestment dud. 

Uo speaks, beneath the chorcliyard tree, 
III solemn tones, — but jot not sad, — 

Of what Man is — what Man shall be ! 
And clustering round the giKve, hsU hid 

Bj that same quiet churchjard jew. 
The rustic mounieis bend, to bid 
The dost they loved a last adieu — 
— That raj, methinks. that r«sta m sbeen 
Upon each briar -bound hillock green, 
So calm, so tcnnqnil, (o wrene. 
Gives lo the eje a Uirer tcene, — 
Speaks lo the heart with hol'ier breath 
Than ill this pugeanlrj of Death. — 

But chacun a son gout — ^this is talking at random — 
We all know • De guitSnu nan diipiStnidum !' 
So canter back. Muse, to the scene of your Etorr 

Tbe Cathedral of Blois ftliere tLe Sainted Alcqi 
la by this time, yoall find, ' left alone in hii glee;.' 
' In tbe dead of tbe night,' though with Inbouroffnil, 
Some ' mortals ' disdain > the calm bleesingi ol nK i' 
Yourcraksman, for instance, thinks night'timethcberi 
To break open a door, or the lid of a chest ; 
And the gipsy who close round youi preniisa nvwl^ 
To ransack jour hen-roost, and steal ail ytmr losrla. 
Always sneaks out at night with tbe bata and IL* d«1k 
—So do Witches and Warlocks, Gboala, GefaOM mI 

To say nutliing at all of Uioce troabltsome ' Swetb' 
Who cijQie from the nlajhouses,' Rash kens' and ' fc^H ^' 
To pull oS people's knoakers. and ring pM>iile'a bells. 
Weil— tis now the honr 111 Ihingt ha*a pomtt '. 
And all who, in Blois, cDtertain bmicsl Tien, 

sitting up brrwine or bikiag, 

Creeps cautiously out of the chorchwardai^ pew. 
Into which, during service, he managed la slide bt 
Wt^e all were intent on the anlboni— and hid< ninisiin 

From his larking .pLice, With stealthy p«e. 
Through the 'long-drawn aisle' be bcg^na lo wairii 
As you see a eat walk on the top of the wall, nut 
When it's stuck full of glass, and she tliiiifa Ac lUi 

— He proceeds to feel For his flint and bit Mwl 
(Ad invention on which we're improved a great dnl 
Of late years — tbe substitute best to rely on 
's what Jones ol the Strand calls his Pi/twfBiuiimit 
lespatchl — hii "'t 'ilfTiM 
4 h is candl e ?.--and w b ere are hjf otticihcv}^ 



stands up and looks round 
By tbe li^ht o( a ' dip ' ol sixteen to the jtonnd I 

— What is it now that makes his nerves to quivM ; 

His hand to shake — and his limbs to shiver? 

Fear ? — Pooh I — it ii only a touch (^ Ihc liver 

All is silent— aU is still- 
It's ' gammon' — 'il^ stnSl' — be maf do wlutb««i|! 
Curefully now he approaches the sliriu"!, 
In which, as I've mcntion'd before, aboat niae. 
They had placed in such stalo tlie lanieDled DIvlao! 
But not lo worship — Nol— -No socb tiling ; 
Hipi Mini ii — TO * para ' the P.4An>UAT. Cta, 

I ' TOR pAinx>UAi. Burn 1 1 

Of the marble sarcophagus — ' All in wliita ' 

The dead Bishop started ap, bolt Bprigbt 

On his hinder cud,— and jjrasp'd bim lo tiebt. 

That the clutch of a kite. Or a boU-^^'a t ' 
When he's mosl provoked and in bittenM m " 

'Nil mr dollr, pabi, F 

try tit lupinHd to Uitluule. w Ihs InluUM ta W bI 
dl lb* proprUtj of aultlug thf teu w ar ^- ..- -^ - 



U be ciinc«*ed in compwiaoo Blight. 
n*iiig tbtu ' Uckted* bim — blaw out bis ligbt 1 1 
t Ob dear 1 The fright uul tbe [ear l~ 
j> hear 1 — nobody new I 
1 the dmd III tlie niglil t — at a had time of ;eal I — 
R defunct Bi«bop aquattiug upright an hii bior, 
&nd ehonting ea loud, that tbe drum of his oar 
{Be tlicntght would have splilastbneawfnlwardinict it — 


Is hi) tilualiut 



ID bi^re, 

t have felt queer? 
bawla, And be jells and be 
londa la hii Kbrlcks estc tbe 
Jpit. tbe pfiFB, and tba Ktalls. 
ik and plunge as be may, 

The wretched mai 

Bat there's nuthlng ro 
And tbe desk, and the j 

Held limilj at bar, 
Hi* itmgglei are rmitless—he can't gel awaj, 
He real); cant tell what to do or to lay, 
And being a Pagan, dont know how to pra;; 
Tin tJuough the FMt nindow, a few streaks of gre; 
Annouuce the approach of the dawn of tbe daj I 

Oh, a «etl^DUle flight I> tbe ru^ light 
Which lovi-lilj heralds a morning bright, 
Above all to a wretch kq>t ia dunuce ail nieht 
Ttt a horrid dead gentleman holding him tight, — 
Of aU lorts of gins that a trHpassa- can trap, 
The most disagr«eable kind of ■ man trap 1 
—■ Oh t nelcoma that bell'a Matin rhlme, which tcUe 

And the Monks and the Frian are coining down- 

' Conceive the 5urpri»e OEthoChiMr— how their eja 
An distended to twice tbeic original ciie — 
Ebw «oma begin blcH,— tame aiuthematiie,— 
And all hx'k on the thief ■■ old Nick in disguise. 
«lUa the mratified Abbot cries, ■ Well 1— I declare [— 
1^— This ii really a rerir mystarious affair I 
Bid tbe baudy-legg'd Sexton go ion for the May'r I ' 

Tbe MarV and Ua (riiVe Are boou on their feet,— 
fRis worehip kept boose in the very same street,—) 

At uncs he awnkcs, ' Uis compliments ' makes, 
^Bell he up at the chntch in a couple of shakes!' 
tieauwhilD the whole convent is puHing and hauling, 

And bawling and aqu&Uing. And tenibJr mauling, 


rbe thief wboee cudeai ... 
Bad thm brought hini into a grasp so e: 
Now high, now low, Thej- drag ■ 
|Iow thii way, nowtbat way they (wist him — but^N'ol 
rbe ghued ere <4 SI Aloys distinctly says, ' Fob 1 
Too may pull aa yea please, I shall ml let him go ! ' 
Kay, more ; — when hia Wonhip at length came to say 
Be was perfectly ready to lake him away. 
And fat him to grace the next Aulo-da-ft. 

Still closer beprert The poor wretdi to his breast, 
^e a voice — tboogh hit jawj ttiU together were 
jaouu'd— Tilamm'il— 

'ii heard from bis chart, ' It jm do. rO- ' here 

The great door of the chmrch, — with to awful ■ «ound 
Hat theelose of the good Bishqi^ Hntcsce was drowa'd 1 
Dot (pake ^cre Jehan, A pitifol man, 
Oh I a pitiful mas was he 1 
Andheweptandhepined Fortbeaiiuuf miakiod, 
A* a Friar ia fail deefeo. 


bii paidon'd the culprit — and as for the 
Before yon shall burn turn— he'll see you all blest ! 
n>e Honki. and the Abbot, the Sexton, and Clerk 
ffere Bxcccliogly struck with the Friars remark, 
* td tba Judge, who himself was by no means * shark 
• Lawyer, and who did not do think in the dark, 
jt still lean'd (haviag once been himself ■ gay mark) 
To the merciful side.— like the late Allan Parkr- 
AgTPcd that, indeed, The beat way to succeed, 
by which this poor caitiff alone e«ild be freed, 
lid be to abaolre him, and grant a free pordou, 
I certain conditico. and that not a hard one. 
. — ' That be, the nid Infidel, ttnigblway ihould ope 
lis nund to conviction, and worship the Fupe^ 
jid " ereiT man Jack " in an amice cr cope ; 

And that, to do so, lie should forthwith go 
b Boms, and salute there hii Holinca' toe ; — 

And noTci again Bead Voltaire or Tom Paine, 
r Pscy Byishe SheHey or Lord Byron's Cain ;— 
Sa pitoiatue o'er, take St Francis's habit ;- 
' MTthing uy ^>out never to '■ nob " it ; 
-, ■tww.t.ilbei? 

The oath be took— As he kis'd the book. 

reU iuto tbe ai 

It skills not now To tell you how 
The trauiunogrifled Pogsn perfom'd bis vow ; 

How he quitted his home. Traiell'd to Komr, 
Atul went to St Peter's and la<Dk'd at tbe Dome, 
And obtain'd from the Pope an assurance of bbss. 
And kiss'd — whatever he gave him to kie — 
Toe, relic, embroidery, nought came amiss ; 

And bow Pope Urban Had the man^ Inrhan 
Hung up in the Biitine ctiap^ by way 
OF a rebe — and how it bangs there to this dsv. — 

SnfEce it to teU, Which will do quile si well, 
Tliat the whole of the Convent the miracle saw, 
And the Abbot's report w»s snlSclent to drsw 
Er'ry hon CaUtoUque In la belle Pnnee to Bloii, 
Among others, the Monarch himself, FrtnfOis, 
The Archbishop of Rheims, sad bis * Pious Jackdaw,' • 
And there was not a man in Cborch, Chapel, or Meet- 
ing- house, 
Still leas in Caiaref, Hol*l, or Eating-house, 

But made an oration. And laid, ' In the nation 
>'er a man deserved canonization, 

m a ^sint, and remitted the fee. 
a! tbe Pagan I rrai 
But 1 think I>e been told, ' 
wus now a Franciscan some twenty 
He got up one fine morning before break i 
" " ■' Pux in his pocket — and then nm 

1 think we may coax out a moral oi 

From the facts which have lately « _ 

First — Don't meddle with Saintt I for you'll End if you < 

It's I 

r to yon, wicked Pagans! — who wander about, 
Upand down BegentStitct every night, 'on the scout,'-~- 
HecoUect the Police keep a sharpish look-out, [stick la 
And if once yon'rs luipected. yonr akitta they will 
Till they catch you at last in jlooninfe (Wteto -' — 

Don't tbe inference draw lliat because be of Blots 
Sufler'd «k to bilk ■ Old father Antic the Law,' [full— 
That our Mav'ra and our Aldermen— and we've a City 

thcnuclva, at ow OoildhaD, qnita ao pitiful I 
Lastly, as to tbe Pagan who play'd soeh 4 triok, 
First usuming tbe lousuie, then cuttmg hi* stidi, 
There is but one thing which occurs to me — that 
Is, — Don't give too much credit to people who ' tat 1 ' 
— Never forget Early tiabit's a net 
rhieh eatHnglea na all. more or led, in its mesh ; 
.nd 'Wlmt's brrtl in (iie bune won't come out of the 
flesh r 

7b must all be awaro Kitturu's prone to rebel, as 
Old llonice tells us, Xaturam expellat [Het rut '. 

Tamen utqut rteurrtl! There's no use makiug 
So that all that I bavo on this bead to advance 
Is, — whatever they think of these matten in France, 
There's a proverb, the truth of which each one allows 

■. If »<ra lake IL , 

cbi-iM.Kiilia Hang Ite valley hf Mr rwWv^AMKr.' 
HtmfnLiou of (hp vtflbqa aUnnpla Ip ap|mprl4i4 lb* 

dtrUkCD bf Di« wprtliy cdclcalutlc blmnpLf. niliA. u 
igrbr inilDualH. U npannl to bav* narwd lijr Dsrcr. 
DwralBg, dulf nvaUbfd wliD ill Um iMans and id- 
pliiDcn of Kiorclon. 1 caanot kom, bunenr, lliat ih> hmlii 





In her eye such a wild anpematt 

That all who espied ber, Immedialclj iblnl her, 
Aod ftrnvo to get out o( her way. 

This fearsome Old Woman was taken ill ;■ 

— She sent for the Doctor — be sett her a pill, 
And by war of a trial, A two-nhilling phial. 
Of green-looking fluid, like lav* diluted. 
To which I've ;m)fesB'd an abhocrence most rooted. t 
One of those draaghts they w eommonlj send u, 
LabeU'd, ' Uaiufiu Mthartieut. mane (umendos ;' — 

She made a wnr-face, And without saying Grace, 
Toas'd it olT like a ibam — it improved not her case. 

— The Leech eame agaitii He now opened avcin. 
Still the Ultle Old Woman continued in pain. 
So her ' Medical Man,' although loth to diiticss her. 
Conceived it high time that her Fatlui Coiife«or 
Should be seat for to shrive, and assoiliie, and bless her. 
Iliat she might not slip out of these troublesome scene} 
' Unaneal'd and Ouhousel'd,' — whatever that mean!- 

Growing afraid, He calls to bis aid 
A bandv-legg'd neighbour, a ' Tflor hy lrad»,' 

Tells bun his fears. Bids him lay by his iheair. 
Bis thimble, his goose, and his needle, and bie 
With all poniblc speed to the Convent hard by, 

Bequcats bin toav ThathebwstheyllBll pmr, 
Vii. : The whole ploui'lTothcrbood, Cleric and Lay, ' 
For the soul of an Old Woman clothed ia grey, 
Who was just at that time in a very bod way. 
And he reolly believed could not laat out the day: — 

And to sUtd hit desire That some erudite Friar. 
Would nm over at once, and examine, and try hci ; 

For bo thought he would find 

There was ' somdhing behind.' 
A something that weigh'd on the Old Wamon's mindj — 
' In fact, he was snrs, fnnn what fell from her tongue. 
That this little Old Woman hod done something wrung.' 
Then he wound up tbe whole with this hint to the man, 
• Mind and pick out as holy a friai as yua can I ' 

Now I'd hav« yon to know That this story of woo 
Which I'm telling you, happen'd a long time ago ; 
1 can't say exactly Aou long, nor, I ohu, 
What particDUr monansh was then on the throne. 
But 'twas here in Old England : and all that uue knowi 
It mo^t have preceded the Wan of the Boees, [it, 

Inasmiicb as tbe Crimea deecribeil in these rhymes. 
Were as fruitful in virtue* as ouia are in cKmsa; 

And if 'moogst the Loitj' Unseemly giaiet; 
Sometimes tietrayod an oeeasional taint or two^ 

So it nwit have been long ere the line of 4aTad'in 

As riM« then the breed Of Sainr^ — i- >- > 
With their digniiicd piesence have d 

—Hence the Ute Mr Fronde and the live Dr Pttaev 
We miidemi cunsi<l<^ as each worth a Jen's eye; fma 
Though Wi«emaa and Dullmonl combine against Ken 
With Docturaand Procters and say he'i no troe ma 
—But this by the way, — The Convent I epeak aboi 
Had Saints^ scurcs — they lioid Moat week and n 

And the two now m duty wire each for their piety, • 
' Second to Bono ' in that holy society, 

And wdl migbt have borne 

Those wprds which are wuni 
Bjour'JTuU/fisedHdiH'CIob— pcT dear iitti mutton',— 
Of GiuwJsa(o»— CO Club days, lo'enbcd (>ii ihsir 

They would read, wnte, and spvsk, [bult'>as^ 

Latin, Uelmw, anil r.^iL-t, 
A radinh-bunohmnncli I ' '■ 

Though KoSers ail '■ ' 
That garnish 'd the v< • 
To the overmuch use < 
—Some said spirituwi' ■ 

Ahl liltle reeked thi-y Tliat "Hlj tVmrs, nli.i ■jj 
Fifty Falert a night and a hundred ■ day, 
A verr slight sustenance goes a great way— 
Thus the consequence was that his coUourne Boiilins, 
Won goldm opinions, by looking more bilions. 
From all who conceived' strict muna»(ic«l duly 
By no means condaeivo to personal bainfy ; 
And being more meagre, and (hinnev. auj faivj. 
He wu snapt up at once by tbe tiandy-legg'd Tailor 

The latterV coneem For a spetJy retani 
Scarce left the Mi'ut lime to pnt on stouter taodJ*. 
Or go round to his shrines and snuS all bis Saint's 

SI.!! Icai hod he leisure to change the hair-shirt he 
Hud worn the lost twenty years— probably thirty,— 
Which not being waah'd all that time bad grown dirty. 

— ItiecRUlbore'aasin in The wearing clMnliuen, 
Which Frian must eschew at the veij begianing 

_I •] 




Though it nukw them look liovisj, uid dioiraj, inil 

And — B rhyme modem rtiqnotte novar allom ye. — 

At (or tbo rest, E'sn if time had not pint, 
It did not maeh matter how Baiil wM drect, 
Nor coijd there be uiy great need for adantuig, 
The night being aloioet st odds with the monuiig. 
Oh I tweet and beautiful is night, vben the sUverinoon 
. high, [in the aky, 

And conntlesB Stan, like rJnrieriag girms hang spatkling 
While the balmy breath of the sumraer breeie comes 
whispering down the glen, [then ! 

And one fund loice alone is heard — oh I Night isloicly 
But when that Toice, in feeble moan* of sickness and of 
pain, [sonnds in vain,- 

Bat moeks the anxions ear that strives to catch iix 
When (ilentij wc watch the bed, by the taper's flicker- 
ing light. 
Where dt we love is fading fast— how terrible iE Night '. t 

More terrible yet. If jou bajipCD to gel 
By an old woman's bedside, who. oU her life lon^. 
Haj) been, what Ibe vulgar call, ' coming it strong ' 
Id all Mnts of ways that are naughty and wrong.— 
As Conlessions are sacred, it's not very facile 
To ascertain what the old hog said to Basil -, 

Bat whaievBi she said. It till'd him with dread. 
And made all his hair stand on end on his bead, — 
No great feat to perforrn inasmuch as said bair 
Being clipped bv the tonsure, bis crown was left bare, 
So u coarse Father Basil had little to gpare ; [mad, 

Bat the little he had Seem'd at though 't bad gone 
&ach lock, as by action galvanic uprean 
In the two little tnfts on the tops of his ears — 

It imppeii'd— 1 can't 
■sa'i indignatioD, — at 

first rather high,— 

And he gently address'd her in accenta of honev. 
• DaughtOT, don't you despair I— WHAT'S BfiCOME 

In one just at Death's door, it was really absurd 
To see how her eye lighted up at that word — 
Indeed therc'ii not one io the language that I know. 
(Save its (jnonyms ■ Spanish,' ' Blunt,' ■ Stmnpy,' an 

Which acts so direct, And with so mnch effect 
Oa the human seiworium, or wakes one erect 
One's ears so, as soon as the sound we delect— 

It's a question with me Which of the three. 
Father Basil himself, though a grave S.T.P. 
(Such as be have, you see, the degree of D.D.) 
Or the eaves- dropping, bpady-legg'd Tailor, — or She 

u perk'd up ai 

What the i 

That so ■ fiU'd him with diead, 
We should never have kuowu aoy more than the dead, 
If llie bandy-legg'd Tailor, his errand thus sped. 
Had gone quietly back lo his needle and thread. 

As he ought ; but instead, Curiceity led, — 
A feeling we all deem extremely ill-hrcd, — 
lie contrived to secrete himself under the bed I 

—Not that he heard One half, or a third 
Of what pase'd as the Monk and the Patient (onfen'd. 
But be here and there managed to pick op a word, 

Saeh as ' Knife,' And ' Life,' 
And be thought she said ' Wife,' 
And ' Money,' that ' source of all evil and strife ;' 
Then he plainly distinguish 'd the words ' Gore,' and 
' Oaab,' [raab — 

Whenee bo doem'd — and I don't Ihink his infercnca 
Sbc had cut some one's throat (or the sake of his cash I 

Intitnnix'd with her mDani, 

And her lighi and her groans, 
Enoogb to hove melted the hearts of the rUines, 
Came at inteiva's Ba^il'i -»wcet, wft silver tones, 

Twaa the last quivering Bare of the taper, — the fire 
It so often emits when about to expire I 
Hercxcitemont began thetamcinslaDtto flag. [BuglT 
She sank back, and nhisper'd, ' Safe I — Safe I in the 

Now I would not by any means have yon suppose 
That the good Father Basil was jnst one of those 

Who entertain views We're so apt to abuse, 
As ueiltier befitting Turks, Christians, nor Jews, 

Who haont death -bed scenes. By underhand a 
To toady or tease people into a legacy, — 
For few folk, indred, had such gc»d right to beg as he. 
Since Rome, in her pure Apostolical beauty. 
Not only permits, but enjoins as a dnty, 

Her sons to take core That, let who will be heir. 
The Pontiff shall not be cbonsed out of bis share. 
Nor stand any such mangling of chattels and goodi, 
AB,thej say, was the case, with the late Jemmy Wood's ; 
Her Conclaves, and Colmtils, and Synods in short main - 
-tain principles advene to statutes of Mortjoain ; 

Besides yonll discern 

It, at once, when you learn 
That Basil bad something to give io returu, 
Since it rcxled with him to say how she should bum, 
Nay, IS to her ill-gotten wealth, should she turn it all 
To uses he named, be roold sav, ' You shan't bom nt all, 

Or nothing to signify. [Jot what you'd dignify 
So much ns eien to call it a roost, 
But a mere little singeing, or scorching at most, — 
What many would think not unpleasantly wann— 
Just to keep up appearance— more matter of fiirm. 

All this iu her ear Ue declared, but I fear 
That her senses were wand'ring — she seem'd not to bear. 
Or, at least, nnderstand, — for mere unmeaning talk her 
Parch'd lips babbled now, — such as ' Hookey 1' — and 

' Walker 1' 
— Sbe expired, with her lost breath expressing a doubt 
It ■ bis Mother were fully aware be was out ? ^ 

Now it seems there's a place they call Purgat'ry — so 

1 must write 11, my verso not admitting the 0-- 

But as lor the eenue, I vow I'm purplext 

To say if it's in this world, or if in the next — 

Or whether in both — for 'lis very well known 

That St. Patrick, at least, has got one of his own, 

Iu a ' tight Uttle Island ' that stands in a Lake 

Call'd ' Longh-dcarg '—that's • The Bed Lake,' milcss I 

In Fermanagh — or Antrim — or Donegal — which 
I declare I can't teU, But I know very well 
in latitude ;4, nearly their pitch 
(AI Tappingtun, new, I could look in the Gaietteer, 
But I'm out on a visit, and nobodyhas it here), [clare 
There are some, I'm aware. Who dont stick to de- 
There's • no differ ' at all 'twixt ' this here ' and ' that 
there.' [entry 

That it's all the some place, but the Saint reserves his 
For the separate use 01 the ' finest of piientry,' 

his is DO more Than a mere private door 
From the T<:t-de-cl\ausUc.—as some call the ground 

To the one which the Pope bad foimd out long before 

But no matter — lay The loailt where you may ; 
And where it is no one exactly can say — 
There's one thing, at least, which is known vei^ well. 
That it acts OS a Tap-room to Satan's Hotel. 
Entertainment ' there's worse 

ond for Iloree ;' [coals 

And the Nondescript Monsters not near to nacootb ;- 
In short, it's a place the good Pope, its crealor. 
Made for what s call'd by Cockneys a ' Minn The-lbc 
Better suited, of course, for a ' tumor performes',' 
Than the ' House,' that's so much better ligbttd tMi 

Below, in that queer place which nobody mcstiaw,— 
— You understand where 1 don't queatidt — down 
there [luaa 

Where in lien of wood blocks, and neli modem iniai' 
The Paving Commissioners use ' Good latenticnfi* 
Materials which here would be thought OD bj lew sun. 
With so manv founts of Asphaltic bitumeii 
AI hand, at the Same time to pave ar * ^" — '" 

nv story. This bbum P» m» - tei ), 

the O, to my Moae't great ^m.\ 

la ehise loek'd, and the Pone keeps the keys «< it — Ihtj 

(There 1 I've 

Boldly affirm ~in his desk in the' Vati 

—Not those of St. Peuo— 

These of which I now treat, are 
A bunch by themselves, and much snialler and neiltf— 
And so cleverly made, Mr Chubb could not [rune a 
Key better contrived for its purpose- — nor Brunah 

Now it seems that by these Most nuracnlooi kejl 
Not ouly the Pope, but his ' dargy,' with eaM 
Can let people in and out just as tbej pleaae } 
Aud — provided vou ' make it all right alMat Im*. 
There is not a Friar, Dr Wiseman will cnn. «f tbok 
But can always contrive to obtain a short leu oj thm,- 

And Basil, no doubt. Had brought matUn ahnl. 
If the little Old Woman would but have ' spoke oaf ' 
So far as to get (or her one of those tickets. 
Or passes, which clear both the great gates and wickrbi 

So that after s gnll. Or short tajn on the HdJ, 
And with no worse a singeing, to purge ber imquty. 
I'han a Freemason gets in the ' Lodge oi Antiquity,' 

Sbe'd have rubb'd oR old scorca. Pt^'d ObI 
And eheer'd off at once for a happier port, [4>» 

Like a white- wash'd Insolvent ' that's gone tliroogb 1^ 

But Basil was one Who was n«t to be Oime, 
By any one, either in earnest oi fun ; — 
The cunning old beads- telling son of a woo. 
In all bargains, unless he'd his quid fur his ju. 
Would shake his bald pate, and pronomce it ' No Oi' 

So unless you're a dunce, Yonll w« clMTly, Stem 
When you come to consider the facts of tlie aat, te 
Of course never gave her bis Fade fii poer; 
And the consequence was, when the last ntcctd ■■ 
Released her pole Ghost from these regiom tt «n 
The little Old Woman had nowhere to gol 

For, what could she do f Sbe very weD ksn 
If she want to the gates I have mentioned to yi* 
Without Basil's, or some other passport to show. 
The Cheque-takers never would let her go Uiroigh, 
While, as to the oilier plaee, e'en had she tried it. 
And really bad wish'd it, as much as she shied it 

iFor no one who knows what it is can abide it), 
[ad she koock'd at the portal with ne'er so modi ia 
Though she died in, what folks at Borne call, ■ Uoti/ 

Yet Old Nick, fur the life of him, daren't take ks ia. 
As she'd not been tum'd formally ont of ' the palt'^ 
So much the bare name of the Pope made him mid. 
Iu the times that I speak o[, his ccnirage wonU ul 
Of Rome's Tarsals the lowest and wont to a« " 
Or e'en touch with so mnch as the cad of hk 

Though. DOW he's groim older. 

They say he's much bolder. 
And his Holiness not only gets the * cold _ 
But Nick rumps him completely, and ioa\ 
Dump — that's the word — for his triple tiala. 

WcU— what shall she do ?— 

What's the course to pnrsne ? — 
Try St. Peter ?— the step is a bold one to take : 
For the Saint is, there cant be a donbt, " widv ivib* 

But then there's a quaint Old Proverb tan "hi« 
Heart ne'er won fair Lady," then how win a ^«isl ' 
IVe a great mind to try- One ran hut ^ely 
If things come to the worse why fae can bnl draT- 

The sky "s rather high 
To be sure — but. now I 
That cumbersome carusi of clav have Laiil br 
I am just in the •■ order " « hich tome folka — llio^ oij 
I am eiire I can't tell you- would call " Apple-lUe* 

Then " never say die," It won'^ do tn b« ihr, 
So m tuck up my shroud, and bnr |;o«a fa a (ty'l 


— So Slid «iiil so done — she vu ofi like *, liuit. 
And kept od the nhole wt; it ■ pcelt j smut UMt. 

WhBQ ebe drew bo near That the Saint could iff 
Is • mDTnCDt he frown 'd, and began to look queer, [her, 
And tcafce would allow her to make hor cue dear. 
Ere be poned up his mouth 'Iwtit a meer aod a jerr. 
With ' It'i all Tery well, — bat 70a do not lodge here I' 
Then, cjiUing ber ererTthiae but ' My deai.' 
Be applied his great toe with some force au detriire 
' ■ ■ • d her at once with a Qea in ber ear. 

,K>or Ghori r It's a dooht which is most 
JBIm pitied — one doom'd to fry, broil, bcil, and puul, — 
It.tne bandied aboat thm from piUar to post. — 
P^lw all • abroad ' — to be ' stump d '^not to know where 
To go— 60 dicgraeed Ai not to l» 'ptaeed ' — 
H H cWky would say to Jem Blond, ' To bo No- 
Howerertbalbe, Theaffair«w«*;Iii'«, [whcte.'— 
^i the poor wretch rejecti^ bj all, u jron see I 
r. Oliver Goldsmith oh»er»es— not the Jew— 
lit the ' Hue whom the honiids and th« huntsmen 
F'nuing DO other «OTt of uylom in view, [pursue,' 

1 ' Retams back again to the place whence she Sew,' 
' A tect which experience haf proved to be true. — 
Mr Gray. — in opinion with whom Johnson chuhea, — 
DecUroa that our ' wanted lires live in oni ashes.' — 
These motiven combined, perhaps, brougbt back the hsg. 
The first to her mansion, the last to her bag. 
When onljr conceiTe her diunsy and surprise. 
As a Oheat how she open'd her cold stony eyes. 
When there, — on theipotwhereBhe'dhidber'soppiies,' — 
In an underground cellar of very BmiUl size, [surrey'd 
Working hard with a epade. All at once she 
That amtonDdcd old baodj-legg'd * TaJoi bj trade." 

Fancy the tone Of tbe half tnoan, half groan. 
Which burst from (he breast af the Ghost of the crone t 
Ai die stood Ihcre,— a figure 'twixl moonshine and 

Only fancy the glare in her eyeballs that shone I 
Allhongb. as Macbeth nys, ' they'd no speculation.' 

While she utter'd that word Which American 
Or James Fenimore Cooper, would render ' Tarnation ! ! ' 

At the noise which slie made Dawn went the 

kll, h(. 
Deposit was somewhere cnccal'd in the cellar ;) 

Tnmiag ronnd at asoand So extremely proCoundi 
The moment her ihaduwy form met his view 
He nve veut to a sort of alcngthea'd ' Bo-o — ho-o! ' — 
Witb a countenance Keeley done could put on. 
Made one grusboppcr spring tothedoor — and was gone ! 
Kruiiil! Eeatitl As at Rome they would phrase 

His fliahl was so swift, the ere scarcely could trace it — 
, Tbough elderly, bandy-leggd, meagre, and lickly, 
I doubt if the Ghost could have vanish 'd more quic 

Ue reich'd his own shop, and then fell in 


While the chuckling old Hag lakes bis place and there 

ni venture to sav, She'd sat there to this day. 
Brooding over what Cubbett calls ' vile jellow chir,' 
Like a vulture, or other obscene bird of prey. 
O'er the neat full of eggs she has managed lo lay, 
II, aa legends relate, and I think we may trust 'em, her 
Stan hi^ not brought her another guess customer — 

Twas Basil himself I — Come to look for her pelf : 
But not, like the Tailor, to di^, delve, and grovel, 
And grub in the eeUot with pickaxe and shovel ; 

Fall weU he knew Such tools wouU not do,— 
Far other tlie weapons he bfouijht into play, 
VU, a Wax Uper ' lialluw'd on Candlemas-day,' 

T" light to her ducats, — Holy water two bucketi. 
Blade wiln salt — halt ■ peck to four gaUuns — which 


By which Friar and Ghoet were both equally pinn'd — 

Heaven only knows bow the ' Agreement ' got wind ; 

But iU purpose wis this, That the thing dune 

By the Hog shonld not hinder her ultimate bliss ; 

Provided—' Iiupri/nh, The cash from this lime is 
The Church's— impounded for good pious uses — 
— Father B. shall dispose of it just u he chooses. 

And act as trustee — la the mflsn time that She, 
The said Qho«t«s^— or Ghost,— as (he matter mav be,— 
Fran " impediment," •■ hindiince." and " let " shall be 
To steep in her grave, ov to wander, aa he [(rec. 

The said Friar, with said Ohoat, may hereafter agree — 

Moreover — liie whole Of the said cash, or " cole," 
Shall be spent for the good at said Old Woman's soul I 

' It is further agreed — while said cosh is so spending, 
Said Ghost shall be fully absolved Iroui attending, 

And shall quiet remain In the grave her dianaJn, 
To have and enjoy, and uphold, and maintain, 
Without molosta^n, or trouble, o pain. 
Hindrance, let, or impediment (over again) 
From Old Nick, or from any one else of his train. 
Whether Pow'r — Domination, — or Priucedom, — or 

Or by what name soever tbe same may bo known, 
Qonioe'er cali'd by PuetJ, or styled by Divines.— 
Ilimself, — his exccnton, heirs, and assigns. 

' Provided that, — nevertheless, — not withstand! ug 
AU herein conlain'd, — if whoever'a • band in 
Dispensing said cash, — or said "cole," — shall dare venture 
To misapply money, note, bill, 01 debenture 
To usc« not named in this prosenl Indenture. 
Then that soch sum, ot sums, shall revert and come 
home again [agam, 

Back to said Ghost, — who thenceforward shall roam 
Until such time, or times, as the said Ghost produca 
Some good man and true, who no longer refusa 
To put sum, or sums, aforesaid, to said uses ; 
Which duly perfoim'd, tbe said Ghost shall have resl, 
The full term of her natural deatli, ol the best. 
In full coBsideiBtioa of this, ber bequest. 
In manner and form aforesaid, — as eiprest : — 
In witness whereof, we, the partiel aforesaid, 
Horennlo set our hand* and our seals — and no more s«id. 
Being oil that the»e presents intend to eipresa, 
Whereas — notwithstanding — and nevertbeleu, 

Sign'd. soal'd. and delivcr'd. this 20th of May. 
Anno Domini, blank (though I've mctition'd the day}, 


Old WoaiH (lute) clothed is oatr.' 
Basil now, I am told. Walking off with the gold, 
Went and straight got the document duly enroll'd, 
And left the testatrix to mildew and mould 
In her sepulctire, cosy, cool, — not to say cold. 
But somehow — though how I can hardly divine, — 

A runlet ol fine Rich Malvoisie wine 
Found its way to the coni-cnt that night belore nine, 
With custards, and ' Sawnt.' and a * fayro fiorentine,' 
Peach, apricot, nectarine. meloB. and pine ; — 
And some half a score Nuns of tbe mie Bridgetine. 
Abbess aod all were invited to dine 
At a very late hour, — that is after Compline. — 
— Father Ililarj's rubies began Soon to shme 
With fresh lu^re. as though newly dug from thi 

Even Bad! biinself, as 1 veiy much fear, 

No longer addicted himself to small beer ; [ret 

Hi* con>])lGxian grew clear. While in front and i 

He enlarged so, his shtpe secm'd approaching a sphcr 

No wonder at all, then, one cold winter's night, 
Thsl a scrvont girl going down-stairs with a light 
Tu the cellar we've spoten of, saw, with aSrigbt, 
An Old Woman, astride on a barrel, invite 
Her to take, in a manner extremely polite. 
With her left hand, a tag. she hod eol in ber rigLt ; 
For tradition asserts that the Old Woman's purse 
Bad come back to ber sesrerly one jmtny Ihe leorse .' 

To boy anns and horses, the tooU of his trade, 
* ' enable Iiis troop to appear on parade : 

The unquiet Shade 'fhoagbt Sir Ibilus, tis said, 
Just the man tor ber money, — the readily paid 
Fur tbe articles named, and witb pleasure coavey'd 
To his hands eveiy farthing she ever hall made ; 

But alas I I'm afraid Moat nnwiacly she laid 
Out her cosh — tbe Beaia yeiu of a Satacoi moid 
(Truth compel' me to say a meat pestilent jade) 
Converted the goIUnt convirlec — belray'd 
im to do everything which a Knight could degi«de, 
-E'en to worship Hobonnd 1— -She required — B* I 


Dont fancv, dear Reader, I mean to go on 
Seriatim through So many ugea bygone. 

And to bore yon with names 

Of the Sqnirea and the Dames, 
Who have muiaged, at limea, to get hold of Uie « 

spent the cash eo that it always came bock ; 

The list is too long To be given in my song, 
There are reasons beside, would perhaps make it n rongu 
1 shall merely observe, in those orthodox days. 
When Man set Smjthfield all o'er in a blaze, 

And show'd herself very se- -veio against liinrrJ 
While many a wretch scom'd toflinch,orloscream,i " 
Burnt for denying the Papal supremacy, 

Bishop Bonnoi the bag gut, 

And all Ibought the Uag got 
Released, as he spent all in fuel and faggot. — 

" ■ ihow — tboughhow I can't tell you. I vc 

Which Horn* may have read of, perchance, ._ _ ... 
All, in ' Martha the Gipsy,' by Theodore Hook. [Cook,'* 
And now, for the rcaaon I gave yon before. 
Of what pas«*<1 then and Ibere 1 can toll yon no more, 
A* no Tailor was niau with his ear at the door: [Rold. 
Bnl I've alwjys been told, With respect to the 
ftr which she her ■ jewel eternal ' had sold, [man, 
^' That tbe old lUrridao, Who, no draiM, knew ber 

Hade tome conipromiso — hit upon some sort of plan, 

apnghlly and gay As the bird un the sp 
One Sir Bofus Mountlordington, Lord of Foot' 
Whose (stale, not unlike those of most our ' Swell ' be«i 
Was, what's, by a metaiihor. term'd ' out at elhirws ; 
And the fact was, said Knight was now merely delay'd 
From crossing the water to join the Cmaodc 
For converting the Pagans with hill, bow, and blade. 
By the won! of a little pecuniary aid 

had got all hi 

It reign 

her money again, 

TheUattime.I'mtold, ThattheOldWoroon'st-^ 
Was obtain'd. — as before. — for the asking, — twas hoCl 
By a Mr — Something — from Ballinafad ; 
And the whole of it, so 'tis reported, was sent 
Tu John Wright's, in aceouDt lot tbe Catholic Bent, J 
And thu^ like a great deal mere money- it ■ went I , ■ 

Su 'tis said at Maynooth, Bull caul think it's troll 

It's cettiin, the auk hat gat bofk to iU etener / ' 
— NowDopartof the Rent to do w e'er was known,, 
la any shape, ever come home to the donor. 

Gestlb Budeb !— yon must know the proverb, ^M 
think— ^ 

■ To a hliud borw a Nod is as good as a Wmk ! ' 

Which sume learned Chap, lua square College cap. 

Perhaps would translate by the words ■ r*rl.«fii Sap ! ' 

— Now should il so chance That you're g(ung lu 
In Ihc C(. 

Ihe eontso ol next Sptinc. as yon probably may. 
Do pull up and stay, I'nj, If W fnca day. 
At Dover, through which you must pan on your 
At tbe York, — or tbe Ship, — where, as people aa, . 
You'll get good wine yourself, and your horw* gixit 
Perhaps, my goud friend, you may liud i( will pay. 
And you euujot laee much by so short a delay. 

That e 

Fiaar DuiX !— yoti 
Then say to the waiter, — 'I'm jnrt pasung Ibrough, 

le any, ' 

, where bin I lind out the old MaiioaDitu 1'- 

Ho'll show you the stroet— (the French call it a Snt. 
But you won't have to give hero a pelil fca). 

Well.— when you've got Ibere, — nevermind howyc 


Ask boldly, ' Pr»j which is the honse here that^ 
—I'd tell you my*«U, but I can't recollect [hanntodl^ 
The pronrieloc^ name, but he's one of that sect 
Who call themaeivea ' Friends,' and whom oUicn a 

Youll be sure to find out if yon ask at the Baker '«.— 

Then godown with a light. Tulhecellorat ui 
And as soon as yon *ee her don't be in a fright I 

But ask the old Hog, At once, tor the bog : — , 
If you find that she's shv, or your senses would danl^ | 
Say, ' Ma'am, I insirtl— in the name of St, Basil 1 ' 

UBhegivaityou,seise It.and — doasyooplnue — 
But there is not a penoa I've osk'd but agrees, [eojiel 
You should spend-yport at least — (or the Old Woman • 
— For the rest — if it niul gQ b4Ck some day — why — lut 


THE IliO0LD»BT X»exlTB8. . TH 

On* aion U!!nllc l^udrr/Amcrry ClirltloiH 
LS yon md • bipnr K*" Teu-l'— We 1ut« i«vtl1oi ovh Bmny 
IhhU HHMtan, ud )Md manr ■ gml-boDRiattd Im^fa br ibc 
nr;— If"* bintoeenloiBllj. brHi'moTB mBtrjihan wl«,"»i 

hanm ktdHd unroiit into ■ dlub. 

.Sd vliUoR yoB^nll**!! Ihe imupllioBiiM of lh» raton.— 
taialdilr^Wd — i— -"- . ■ . . 

H JQU bckRUy Elm««ll. nod Ichtc ^ 

W litdurd! La DttUe pDou^'nn gniid al. La Jnif 
— fc_.> . .■< HB Ifl IHrigiwrd vvDAlt dc '- 

_ Mi KiDg Dagolicili's piJtnj aijE, 
I When Saints ireie mai^, and sioi «orc foff, 
Old Nick, 'tis uid, Wu eote btstcd 
Oas eTeoiDg, — and could not tell vrbat ta do. — 

F And he could not catch one where he'd now catc 
I Ibree. 

He bad bceo North, and hs hod been Soutfa, 
From Zembla'a ihores Qoto iu Pcm. [Hc.k- 

Ere hs Gll'd the sack Which ha bora on h 
Sunts were so man j, and sins so few I 
The ws^ wM long, aod the day was hot ; 
Hil ningi were neair ; his boofs were sore ; 

And scarce coktld be (rail His nerveless tail, 
As it forroK'd the sand on the Bed Sen shore I 




The itj hiid been hot, and the mj wis long; 
— Hoot-mte, and weuy, and faint, vb^ he ; 

He lower'd bis sack. And the htal o/hit lack. 
Am he lean'd on a palm ttxivJi, United the tree I 
Be sat himself dom in the pabn -tree's shade, 
And he gazed, and be griua'd in pure delight, 

As he pecp'd inside The bimalo's bide 
ne had sewn lor a sack, and had crammed so tight. 
For, though he'd ' gone orer a good desl of eronnd,' 
And game had been scarce, he might neU report 

Thai still he had got A decentish lot. 
And bad had, on Ibe whole, not a bod day's sport. 
He had piek'd up in France a JUoi'lre d» dixnM, — 
A Mailretie m litre, — two Smart QritetUt, 

A Conrtier at play, — And an English Hour— 
Who had bolted from borne nithout payiui; hi: 
— He bad caught in Gieat Briti'in a Scriveocr's cleik. 
A Quaker, — a Bakur. — a Doctor of Lans, — 

And a jockey of Tork — But Paddy from Cork 
'Desaied tbo oulddivj.'and sljpp'd Ehrongh bis daws! 
In Mcocow a Boyar knonting hit wife 
— A Corsair's crew, iu the Dies of Greece — 

And, nnder the dome Of St Peter'?, st Romr, 
He had snspp'd np a nice little Cuj^nol's Niece, — 
He had bsgg'd on Inquisitor fresh from Spain — 
A mendicant Friar — of Monks a score, 

A Brave Don, or two, And a Portogueie Jew, 
Whom be nalib'd while clipping a new Moidore. 
And be Saiil lo himself, as he lick'd his lips, 
■ Tboae Dice LtUa dean 1—what a delicate roast !— 

—Then, that fine (at Friar, At a very quick Ere, 
Dreaied like a Woodcock, and served on toast I' 
— At the Bight of tit'bila so toothsome and choice 
Never did month wafer auifli llian Nick't ; 

But, — alas I and atack ! — He bad stuff 'd his sack 
So full that he found himscU quite * in a fix -. ' 
For. all he could do, or all be could say, 
When a little recruited, he rose lo go, 

Alas 1 and alack I — He could not get the sack 
Up again on his shoulders * wbetbcr or no t ' 
Old Nick look'd East, Old Nick look'd West, 

And be pnll'd and he tugg'd. — but he tngg'd 
Old Nick look'd North, Old Nick look'd South ; 

Wevf vas Nicholas, weak and faint. — 

And he was avaro Of an old uiau there, 
In Palnicr't weeds, who look'd much like a Sa 

Nick eyed the Saint. — then ho eyni the Sack- 
The needy old glutton ;— and thonj^l with a grin, 

Dear heart alive I If I could but contiiru 
To pop that elderly gentleman in I— 
''or were 1 to choose among all the ragoili 
The euiiine can exhibit — flesh, fowl, or fish. — 

To myself 1 can paint That a barhecaed SaJnt 
Would bo Cor tny pakl/s the best Gide-disfa 1 ' 
Now St. Modaid dwelt on the bonks of the NUe. 
— In ■ FyTamii fast b; Uie lone Bed Sea. mia t — 
(We rjill it 'Seiniramis.' Why not say Pyw- 
Wby shonid we change the S into a D '/) 
St. Jilodord, he was a holy man, 
A hulT man I v^eeo was he, 

And cvFQ by Jay When he went np to pray, 

He would light up a candle, that all might sou I 

He inldom'd to the East,— He tatiminil to tlie West ; 

--^f the gravest cut. and the huliect brown [beads 

Were his Palmer's weeds. — And he finger'd bis 

With the right side up, and the wrong aide down. — 

(nialut III MSB. ralde drJUadai.) 

St. Mednrd dwelt on the banks of the Nile ;— 
He had hem living there rears fourscore,— [pray'r, 

And now, • Uking llie air. And laying a 
He was walking at eve on the Bed Sea shore. 
Little he deem'd — ttiat holy man '. — 
or Old Kick's wiles, and bis fraudfu] tricks.^ 
When he was aware Of a stranger theri", 
Who seizm'd to have got himself into a <il. 

'I can't raise my sack Ou my poor old liock 
Oh, lend uie a lift, kind Gentleman, pray 1^- 
For I hare been East, and I have been West, 
Foot'Sore, weary, nod faint am I, 

And, unle^ I get home Ere the Curfew borne, 
Here in this desert I well may die 1 ' 
Now Hcit'd thee save \' — Nick winced at the words, 
As ever he winces at words divine — [have. — 

'Now Hcav'n thee saie I— What stronglb I 
It's little, I wis, — shall be freely tliine 1 
For foul befall that Chrialian man 
Who aboil fail, in a liji,— woe worth the while !— 

Hii hand to lend To foe or to friend, 
Or to help a lame dog over a Ktile I ' 
— St, Medard hath boou'd himself for the taik ; 
To hoist up the sack he doth well begin ; 

But the foidel feels Like a bag full ol eels. 
For the ftdks are all curling, and kidiing within. — 
St, Medard paused — he began to ' smoke ' — 
For a Saint,~if ho isn't exactly i cat,— 

:el— that had cost tilm Hxb 

□ his neighbour's for ' smelling a 
Tlie Suiut look'd up, and the Saint look'd down ; 
He ' tmell the rat,* and he ' tmolitd ' the trick : 
— When he came to risw Hia comical shoe. 
He saw in a moment his friend was Nick I 
He whipp'd out his oyster-knife, broad and keen — 
A Bnmunagem blade which he alwoys bore, 
To »id him to eat, By way of a h^af, 
I'ho ' natives ' he found on the Bed Sea shore ; — 
He whipp'd out his Brummagem blode so keen. 
And be mode three slits in tbe Buffalo's hide. 
And all its contents, 
Through the cents, and the veoto. 
Come tnmUing out, — and away they all hlud '. 
Away went the Quaker — away went the Baker, 

Away went the Friar — that flue fat Ghost. [pick, 

Whose marrow OU Nick Had intended to 
Drcss'd like a Woodcock, and served on toast I 
—Away went the nies little Cardinals Nie^e,— 
And the pretty CriwHeiii—and tha Dons from 
Spiun — [Jew, — 

And the Corsair's crew. And the coin -clipping 
And they scamper'd, like lamplighters, over tli 

— Old Nick is a black.looking fellow at best. 
Ay, e'en when he's pleased ; but never before 

Had he look'd w black As on seeing his sock 
Tlius cut into slits on the Red Sea shore. 
Ton may fancy his rage, and hia deep despair, 
nien he saw himself thns befool'd by one 

Whom, in anger wild. He profanely styled, 
' A stupid, old. SQuH-cokot'd son of a gnn ! ' 

Nick snatch'd up one of those great, big- stone* 
Found in such nmiihcrs on Egj]it's plains, [(^'. 
And he bnrl'd it straight Al Ota SaiM'i UJd 
To knock out * the gmel he call'd his braini.' 
Strtught at bis pate he hnrl'd the weight. 
The crushing weight of that great, big stone 
But St Medard Was remarkably bard, 
And solid about tbe parietal bone, 
lid, though the n 
Clime straight ou uu iwic, wii 

It fail^ to graie The skin,-^. . 

On the lough epidermis a lump, or bump! — 

As the bail bounds off* from the pect-bonse slope. — 

As the cannon recoils when it sends its sbot^ — 

As tbe linger and tbiuub Of an old woman rimii 
From tbe kettle she handles, and finds loo bat; 
— Or, as yon may s<*, in the Fleet, or the Beach.— 
— Many folks do in the course of their liixs, — 

The well-stmck ball Bebuund (ram tbe wtS. 
When the Oentlcmen jail-birds are playing at ' final' 
All these, — and a thansand Bne similes motv, — 
Such as all have hoard of, ot soon, or reail 

Becorded in print. May give you a hint 
How the stone bounced off from St. Kleilnnri trnl : 

-And it curl'd, and it 1 
As this great, big tlai 
— Just missing bi 

'di and H whirl'd is s 

. a tangent il?iv I 

iw n. It at last come dtnn 

upon Nick s Orthopedical shoe 1 

Oh I what a yell and a screech were there I 

Ho* did he hop. skip, belluw, and rcw ! [Vf*, 

— ' Oh dear I oh dear 1' Von migbt hat boi 

Tbongh n e're such a way off from tbe Bed Sm tk ' 

It smosh'd his shin, and it smasb'it liis boot. 

Notwithstanding his stout OrthojiisUcsI tbot: : 

And this is the way 'That, from Uust mw^ 
Old Nick became what the Freacfa call BeJtnil 
Quakers, and Bakers, Oritetle; and Friani, 
And Cardinal's Nieces, — wherever ye l>*. 

St, Medard bless ; Vou eu aciuixel^ da l« 

If you of yonx eorjit poBess any ewjiWI, — 

.\i>d, mind and tote core, ruuTselrn, — and hen^ 

How you get in Nick's tuilalo bag l—it jo» ^ 

T very much doubt If you 11 ever gt< Mi, 

Now sins ore so many, uud Saials so few [ I 

Gentle Rdtder, attend To the vcnraoTaJciadt 
And if ever yon go to Uemo Bay or ftjutltnd; 
Oc any gar wot 'ring place outside tha Hon, 
Don't wait out at eve on the lone sea-shon ] 
— Unless you're too tuntly to care about, 
And are sure that your hold is sulEciuitlj Ibtekl 
Learn not to be greedy I — and, when jonVe (oeuk, 
Don't be anxious your bogs any tightw to itull — 
Recollect that goc>d fortune tin far yon maj Mttb, 


Gourmandit* U « liM— a ud fuilmg, nl Uaat; — 
So icmcmbei ' Enough ii u good ts ■ feast 1 ' [' nasi 
And don't set juat beut on ' sUvt'iI,' ' frioil,' - bwl'd.' c 
Nor on ddicaie ' Woudcocki served up upon tuoat 1 ' 
Doat give people nickiuimes ! dont. even m (un I 
Call any one ' Bnnff-eolnm'd ion of a gun ! ' 
Hot fdncr, beuuae a man iiaut seema to lacV, 
Tliat, whenever JOB please, ywj can *sivc hhli tbeiat t 
Last of all, as loird thrive, and itiU ileep in vihi 

■JvTOD'vk ANT n 

COUNT RAYMOND rult« in Langnnlor, 
O'a the champaign fail and wide. 
With tunn and ttxoughold many a one. 
Wafh'd bj the ivave of the blue Guroniic, 
And [Toin far Auve^D l« liouiilloa. 
And a«a; to Harboanc, 
And Ihc mouthi of the Rhone : 
And bis Ljgnnois »ilke, and his Nurbounu hwic', 
Bring in his lonUbip a great d«il of uione/ . 
A ihonnnd Innces. atout and tni^, 
Altend Caant Havmund's call ; 
And Knighb and Nobles of high degr«e. 
From Guienne, Provence, and Burgundy , 
Before Count R&jmond bc^d Ihe knee, 
And rod to btui one and alt. 
And Isabel of ArriigDn 
He weds, the pride of Sp^ ; 
Tou might not find so rich a piizu, 
A Diune >o ' healthy, wealthy, and wise j ' 
So piops withal — with such beautiful eyet — 
So exactly the Venus de Medicis' size — 

la iiU that wide domain. 
Then his cellar is ctorad As well as bis board. 
With the ehoicMt of all La BtlU Frana can aflord . 
Chambeilin, Chitcau Maigaux, La Rose, and Lolitle, 
With Mod's Champagne, ' of Ihe Comet year." ' neat 
As imported.' — ' fine sparkhng,' — and not ovcr-sweel ; 
While his Chaplain, euud man. wbro cill'd in to H 
MTould groan, and put on an elongated (ace [grar 
At such turtle, such turbot, John Doit, wid phucc; 
Nijt withoat blushing, pronouncing • bcoiam, 
Worthy old sod I on snch very f*t Vi 

Are prcti»c!_ 

And gnonnga'ar scores Of hnga barbocoed Boars. 

Which ho thinks should not darken a Christian man'c 

Thm, ' .;:-." 

As • Animal propter eatriiiia nn( 

IIo was right, I mint my. For at this time of dny. 
When we're not so piocne, whclher cleric or lay, 
With respect to oor rood, as in liK e so pout. 
We still nnd our Boars, whether grave ones or g:iy, 
After dinner, at least, icry much in the way. 
(We spell the word now with an B, not an A ;) pic 
And as hoaeat I'irt Jacquet was inclined to tpare diet, 
Guve (his sdvlce to aU grades of «odety, 
' Think leas ol pndding — and think noce of piety.' 

As to his elothca. Oh I nobody knowi 
What lots the Count bad of dooks, doubleU, and bcee, 

l'aid<iiiflet, with bows Each as a big a* a Rse, 
And such shiiis with lace nifBcs, such Haistctale, and 
ladescritiable garments it is not thought right [tliose 
To do mcse than wbisper to ortOUi polite, 
Still in spita of his power, and in vpite o[ hia riches. 

In spite of bis dinneti, bis drcM, and bia whif^li Is 

The etrangcrt of all things — in spite of bia Wife, 
The Count led a rather hmn-dnun sort of life- 
He grew tired, in fact, ol mere eating and drinking. 
Grew tired of flirting, and ogliog, and winking 

At Duraeiy maids As they walk'd the Parailm, 
The Crescents, the Squares, and the Gne Culonoadis, 
And the other gay places, which young ladies itse 
As their pramtnade through the good town of Tbon- 

ne was tired of hawking, and Sshing, and hnntiug. 
Of billiards, short-whist, chicken-haurd, and punting ; 

Oi popping at pheasanis, 

Qnails, wi»dcDcks. and pesianU; 

Of smoking, and joking. And soaking, provoking 

Such headBcbea next day Ai hii fine St, Peray, 
Though the beet ol all Rhone wines, eon never repay. 
Till weary of war, women, tnast-gooso, and glory. 
With no great desire to be ' famous in story, 

Ob dear I 
Oh dear I what shaU we do ? 
We shall die d blue devila it some of us 
Can't hit on something that's new 1 ' 
Meanwhile his sweet Oonntsaa. co pioins and good, 
Eseher ■' 

„.. ^easom 

I Ewevl-breuds, 

And similar Imports direct from Uong-Eojig. 

In vain iocs the fotnUy Doctor exhort her 

To take with her chop ono poor halt-pint of poricr ; 

No 1— ahe alleges Shu's taken the pledges 1 

Determined to aid In a gea'nJ cnuodo 
Against publicans, vintners, and all of that trade, 
And to bring in sherbet, giager-pop. lemonade, 
Fau luerie, and drinkables, mild and home-made I 
So she claims ber friends' efforts, and vons to devote 
Solely to fvuTul ' The Thoolousian Teetotallers.' [hers 

Large 9UIDS she employs la dressing snudl boys 
Id long dofflo jackets, and short corderoTs, [noise 

And she boxes their ears when they mole too much 
In short, she turns out a complete Lsdy Bonntiiul| 
Filling with drugs and brown Holland the county full. 
Now ju£t at the time when our story commencts. 

It seems that a case Past the common took plnci 
To entail on her ladyship farther cxpeoset. 
In greeting with hunoor heRtling his station 
The Prior of Aries, with a Temperance Legation, 
Dispatched by Pope Urban, who seised this occasion 
To aid in diluting that part of the nation. 

An excellent man. One who stuck to his ran 
Of cold water * without '- — and he'd take such a lot of it 

None ol jonr sips That just moistens the has ; 
At one single dranght he'd toss off a whole pot of it,— 

No such bad thing. By the way, if they faring 
II you iced ai at Vercy's, or fresh from the spring, 
When tho Dog-star compels folks in town to take wing, 
Tbangb Iowd even then I should see no graatsin in it. 
Were there three drops of Sir Felix's gin in it 
Well, leaving the lady to follow her plcasnre, 
And finish the pump vrith tho Prior at leisure. 
Let's go back to Raymond, still bored beyond raeosoro. 

And horpiog awa/, On the some dismal lay, 
'Oh dear 1 what will become of us? 
Oh dear I what can we doF 
We shall die ofblue devils if some of us 
Cim't find out something that's ne-» 1 ' 

At length in devpair of obtaining his ends 

By hia own mother wit, h« takes courage and sends, 

Like « 94n>iiMe man as be is, for his friendi. 

But only a few of his ' backstain ' i 

' Ciyme hither,' aays he, ' My gallants so free. 
My bold RiginaiQlc, sud my brare Rigmarce, 
And my grave Baron Precer. now listen to me t 

Yon three can't hut see I'm holt dead with ennuC 
What^ to be done 7 1 mul have some fun. 
And I will too, that's flat— ay, as sure as a gun. -^ 

J find n 


•r Ihe > 




Ot I'll knock your three jobberoowla all it _^^ 

You three Agreel Come, what shall it he ? ^| 
Resolve me — propound in ■ three skips of a Seal ' 
Higmarole gava a ' Ha I ' Bigmaree gave a ' Dem ;' 
They look'd at Oonnt Raymond — &innt Baymond at 
As much as to aar. ' Have yon ■lAi'I ad rem f rthom, 

At length Baron Proser Rvepoadcd, ' Ton kduw. 
That question's some time been a regular poser ; [sir. 

Dear me I — let me see, — In Ihe way of a *'lpiae " 

Something new? — Eh I — Nol — Yeal — Kal 'tis 

really no go, ait.' 

Says the Count, ' Rigmarole, Yon're as joll^ a soul. 
On the whole, as King Cole, with his pipe and his bowl ; 
Come, I'm sura you'll devise somdhmg novel and droll,' 
In vain, — Rigmarole, with a look most profound. 
With his hand to bis heart and bia eye to the etc .._ 
Shakes his head as if nothing was there to be Kiond, 

' I can only remark, That as tiKiching a " lark ' 
I'm as mnch as your highness can be, tn the dark 
I can hit on no novelty — none, on my life, 
Unless, peradvontnro. you'd " tea " with your wife I' 

Quoth Raymond, ' Enough 1 

Nonsense t — humbng I— fudge !— staff I 
Rigmarole, you're an bsr,— you're a regular MuB , 
Ihink tea with her UdvFJup? — If— not a bit of it T' 
CaU you that fnn 7— fiilh, I coat see the wit of it 

Moil de ma tie I My dear Rigmoiee, 
You're the man, after all, — come, by war of a fee. 
If you will but be bright, bom the siniple degree 
Of a knight ni create you at once a Mar-quiit 
Put your conjuring cap on — consider and see, ["teal' 
If yoa can't beat that stupid old " Snmpb " with h 

■ That's the thing t that will do I Ay, many, timt 

Cries Rigmaree, robbing his hands, ' that will pleast 
My " OWuriMy cap" — it's Uw thing; — it'" 

cheese I ^ 

< It was only this moming I pick'd up the news ; 
Please your Bighne.>B, a Conjurar't come to Thonloose i 

111 defy you to name na A man half so famous 
For derildouuij— Sir. ifk the great Neitrodamus 1 
Cornelius Agrippa, 'tis soid, went to srhDol to him, 
Gyngell's an ass, and old Fanstui a fool to him. 
Talk ot LUly, Alhertus, Jack- Dee I— Dodi I all six 
He'd soon pBt In B ptCttF-particdu vx; 
Why, he'd beat at aiEWiBg a sword, or "Oon tricks," 
The great Northern Wiiard himself all to sticks 1 

1 should like to see yon Try id Ktuler U coup 
With this chap at shcrt -whist, or unlimited too. 
By the Pope, yon'd soon find it a regular " Do." 
Why be docs as be likes witb the cards, — when he's got 
There's always an Ace or a King at the Wtom; ['cm. 
Tbtn lor costing Nativitin ! — only you'UoL 
At the vohmie he's pnblish'd, — that quiderlul bo<ik I 
In all lYsnce not another, to sweai't^«r» venture, '~ 
Like, by long chalks, his " PcnphetiCal QwUirici "- 
Don't you remember how. early tut sammer, hu 
Wam'd the bite Kmir 'gainaf the IbnraRment a 
Didn't his Uajestv cuil it all flmunery 1 [un 

Scorning ^e Wuruing, And get the : 
H'iswkeii thvevcfn.ui thai clumsy MonfgMuwT 

Hliy bell tell y.>u bcjuie You'n wsU inaidi 

All youtiighueas may wish to b* op to, and more 
'Biavc! — capitall — come, hi't disguise aandv 

— Fnrtmio's Rent bim ou purMle here, just in tko a 
Well see if old Hocus will snill out the trjckV 
Let's start ofl at once— Higmaroe, you're a Brick I ' 
The moon in gentle radiane* shone 
O'lr lowly rool and lordly bovci 
O'er holy pile and armed lowct 
And danced upon the blue Garonne: 
Thrmgh all that sdver'd city fair. 
No sound dietoib'd tho calm, cool air, 

Save the bner's si|:h alone ! 
Or.wbere, perchance, some slumbcrcr's noaa 
Proclaim 'd the depth of his repose, 
Provoking from connubial toca 
A hint — or elbow bone; 

And bet 'oldest inhabitant' huned in Icr.d 


TSe inooldsby legeuds. 

But luuk I a Bound invades the ear, 
Of barwe' hoofa adioacing nem ! 
ThpT g»in the bridga— Uioj pus— tliej'ie liete ! 
Side bj aids Tno etnuiecr! ride, 
Fur Uie streoU in Thonlnusa ma sufflcientlf wiiie, 
Thit it, I'm Basured thej are— not lUTiilg tried. 

— See now U>ej aUip Noor an ndd-louking ehop, 
And Ibej knock sad Ihej ring, and thej won't be denivd. 
At l«n2tli the eoDunond Of some unseeo band 
Cbams, tad bolts, sod bm obej. 
And ibe tbick-ribb'd ookan dour, old eud gri^j, 
In die pule moonllgbt girea, alon-lj, waf 
TbST leave their steeds lo a page's care, 
Wbo eames lununlcd bebind on a Flander's maie, 
And they enter the house, that rosolate pair, 
With a bluadering step, but a dars-devil air, 
And ascend a long, darksome, and rickety stair : 
While, ann'd with a lamp that jurt helps jon to Etc 
How nucommonly dark a place ean be. 
The griauncrt of lads with the gtiminest of griaa, 
SavB, ' Ocatlenieu, please to taka eare of your shins 1 
Wto Tenturea this road need be firm on hia pins 1 
Now tiim lo the left — now torn to the right — 
Now ■ step — now stoop — now ogain npright — 
Now turn once again, and directly before ye 
's the door of the great Doetor's Labora-tory.' 

A word 1 a blow 1 And in tbey go ! 
No time lo prepare, or to gel op a Bbow, 
Yel everything there they lind quite coninic il/aut— 
Sncb as queer -locking bottles and jats iu a row, 
Betorla, crucibloi, such as nil eonjunira eIoiv 
In tho [ooms tbey inhabit, buge bellows to blow 
The Are burning blue with iU suliibur and loiv : 
From the roof a buge crocodile bangs rather low, 
With a toil luch as that, which, we aU ol us know, 
Mr, TVotertOQ managed to tio in a bow ; 
Pickled inaken, pott«d Uiards, in bottles and basins 
Like IboH at Morel's, or at Fortnum and Uaron's, 
Alt articles found, you're an'are without Idling, 
In every raspoctable conjurot's dwelling. [eyes 

Looking solemn and wise, Without turning hi. 
Or betraying the slightest degree of surprise, 
tn the midat sits the doctor — his hair is white, 
And his obeek is waa — but bis gUnca ia bright. 
And his long black roquelaure, not over tight. 
Is nintk'd with strange characters much, if not qiiite, 
Like ibose on the bottles of green aad Uue light, 
Wlucb you see in a chimitt'i sbop-windoir at night 

_ Is figure ia tall and erect — raiher spare nboui 
Bibs.— 4nd no wonder,— such folk never care about 

EUting or driukiag. While reading and tliintiug 
Don't fatten— Ms age might be sixt}' or thereabout, 
leaning hit eyes »o grave and so lage, 
Kriim tome manuscript work of a bygone igu. 
The (Mr Tort eomposedly turns down the page, [lighl, 

Tbni anading bis sight Witb bis bind from the 
Sflp, ' Wcll.iin, nhal would yoa at thiitimeot night? 

What biings fon abroad these Icne chambera to tread 
When all tober folks ore at borne and abed ? 

' Travlers, we, In our degree, 

All itrange ughts we fain would see, 

And hither ve come in company -, 
We have far to go, and ws come from far, 
Through Spain and Portingale, France and Narorrs ; 

We have heard of your name, 

And yonr fame, and our aim. 
Great »ir, is to witnese, ere yet we deport [start— 

From Thoutousc, — and to-morrow at cock-crow we 
Vour skill — we would fain crave a touch of yonr art I ' 
' Now nave, now naye— no trav'lets ye I 

Nobles ye bo Of high degree 
With half ui cjB that one may easily see,— [rce ! 

Count Bormond, your Getvant ;— Yours, Lord Itigma- 
I must call you so now since you're made a JUur.7iii'< / 
Paitb, cleier boys both, but you can't humbug mo I 

No matter for that 1 I see what you'd be at^ 

Well — pray no delay, For it's late, and ere day 
I myself must be hundreds of miles an my way ; 
So tell me at once what you want with me — say 1 

Shall I call np the dead From their mouldering 
Shall I Bond yon youreelvea down to Hades iostead ? — 
Shall I BunMion old Harry himself lo the spot ? ' 
— ' Tea thousand thaoks. No ! we bad much rather ant. 

We reallycan't say Thai we're cnrious that way ; 
But, ia brief, if you'll pardon the trouble we're giving. 
We'd mnefa rather take ■ sly peep at tho living 7 [ing 

Rigmaree, what say you. ia This case, as lo viow- 
Our spouses, and just ascertain what th^'ro doing ? ' 
' Just what pleatea your High nes — I don t core a aous in 
The matter- but doo't let Old Nick and his crew in I ' 
— ' Agreed ] — pray proceed thon, most aoge Noelra- 
damus, [us.' 

And show as our uieci — I dare swear tbey wont shnmo 

A change came o'er the wiiard's face. 
And his solemn look by degreea gives place 
To a half-grave, half-comical, kind of grinioes 
' Fw good or for ill. I work your will i 
Voors be the ri^k and mine iLo skill ; 
Blame not my art ii unpleasant the pill 1 ' 
He Ukcs from a shelf, and he pops on his head. 
A Mnare sort of cap, black, aud turn'd up witb red. 
And dcsirea not a syllable more may be said ; 

And stotter, aad sputter 
Hard words, such as uo men but wizards dare utter. 
■ Dies mica! — Hocus pociis — 
Adsis Demon t non est jokus ! 

words, to repeat which would choke 
Such a sniff then of brimstone ! — it did not lost long, 
Or tbey could not have home it, the smell was so strong. 

A mirror is near, So large and >o clear. 
If you priced such a one in a drawing-room here. 
And wasask'd tifly pounds, you'd not soy it was dear j 
but a mist gather'd tound at the words of the seer, 

Till at length a« the gloom Wassubsiding.a room 
On its brood polish 'd surface began to appear. 
And the Count and his comrade saw plainly befarc 'cm 
The room Lady Isabel called her ' S,tnctorvia.' 

They sUrt, weU tbey might, 

With Burprisa, at the sighl^- 
Mcthinks I hear some lady »ay, • Serve 'em right I ' 

For on one aide of the fira la seated the Prior, 

At the opposite coraer a fat little Friar : 
By the side of each gentleaum, easy and free. 
Sits a lady, as close as cluse well may be, [knea 

She might almost as well have been perch'd on hie 

Dear mo [ dear me I Why one's Isabel— ^he 
On Ihe opposite aide's La MarqHiK RtijmaTfe! 

To judge from the spread 

On the board, you'd have said, 
That the pniiie ouarrA bad like aldermen fed ; [lead, 
And now from long flasks, witb necks covct'd witb 
They were helping theiiaeivcs lo ehompagDC, white 

Hobbing and nobbing, And nodding and bobbing. 

With many u tip Both from cup and from Up, 
And with many a toast follow 'd up bv a " Hip 1 — 

Hip 1— hip 1 — huiiay I ' — The Count by the way, 
Though he saea all they're doing, can't boat what they 

Notwithstanding both be t™?- 

And Mar-quii Aigmarre 
Are so tei'd aud excited at what they con lee. 
Tbat each utters a sod word beginning with D. 

That word 


it tbe «i 

■.e spoke The i 

with smoke I 

But enough baa been seen. ' Uoise I horse 1 and away 1 ' 
"They have, neither, the least iDelination to stay, 
E'en to thank Nostradamas, or ask what'* ia pay. — 

They rush dowu the stair, 

How, they know not. nor c« 

next moaient the Count is astrido on h*is bey, 
And my Lord Bigmaree on bis mettlesome grpy j 

Tbey dash through the town, 

How up, and now down ; 
And the stones rattle under the hoots as thFj^ 'i^S 
As if poor Tboulottso were as nmd as C 

Throuch lone, alley, and street, 

Over afl that they meet, 
The Count leads tho way on his courser m> Heet, 
Mr Lord Rigmaree cloae pursuing his beat, 
V^ith the page in the rear lu protect the retreat. 
Where the bridge spans the wide and soderp 
Their beodlong career o'er tbe causeway tbey koq.. 
Upsetting Iho watchman, two dogs, and ■ sweep, 
Al! the town popuktion that was not asleep. 
They at length reach the castle, just outside Ihe towB. 
Where — in peace it was usual for Knigbta of renown — 
Tlie portculHs was np, and the drawbridge was donn. 
They dash by tbe senlineU— ' France il ThauJouti! ' 
Ev'ry soldier (—they then wore cock'd hats nod long 
Appeudagea bonish'd from modem reviews}, [funis. 
llis arquebus lower'd and bow'd to his afaoea ; [ — be 
While Count Rayrannd pnsb'd on to hia lady's Jmialt 
Had made up his tnind to make one at her totrti. 

He rush'd \a that door. Where ever before 
He had rapp'd with his knuckles, and ' tiil'd at tbe 

Till ho heard tbe soft sound of his Lady's ' Come in:' 
But now, with a kick from his iron-heel'd boot. 
Which, applied to a brick wall, at once bad gene 

He dashed open the luck ; [ttuoogh'l. 

It gave way at tho shock I 
(—Dear ladies, dont think in recording the fact. 
That your bold 's for one moment defending the act. 
No — it is not a gcntleman'ti — none but a toir body — 
A'o— could perform it)— and there be saw— NODODYII 

Nobody ?— No 1 1 Oh, bo 1— Ob, bo ! 
There was not a table, — there was not a chair 
Of all that Count Raymond bod ever seen there Hoii) 
(They'd maroon-leather boltflnu well stuiTd with hum- 

Tliat was out of its place I — There wag w4 a 
Of a party — tbare was not a dish or a pbtc — [trace 
Nu sign of a table-cloth — nothing to prate 
Of a supper, tympotiKKt, or sitting up late ; 
There was nut a spark of &re left in the grate. 
It had sil been poked out, and remaia'd m that stata. 

If there was not a fira. Still leas was there Fiiar, 
J/iir'/uiM. or long gloaaas, or Counlea^ or Prior, [donib. 

He rang for the maids — had them into ths room 
With the butler, tho foutmaa.lheeoachnuui, the giMo, 
Ua esamined them all very strictly — but do I 
Notwitlistauding he cross- and le-qnestioDcd them to, 
TwBS in vain — it was clearly a case of - No Go I ' 

' Their lady,' th .y said, ' Hod gone earl/ to hli. 
Having ratlier compbiin'd of a cold in her head — 
The st^ut little Friar, as ronnd as an apple, 
Had pass'd tbe whole aight in a vigil in ch^iel. 
While tlie Prior himself, as he'd usuallr done, 
Had ruDg in the momiog, at balf-aitcr one. 
For bis jug of cold water and twopCDuy bun, 
Aad been visible, since thev were IHi>ught hiiB, to &0M 

But, the servants avcrr'd. 

■ From the sounds that were beard 
To proceed now and then from the latl 

They thought he was pmging 

His sins with a scourging, 
id making good use of hia vuAie&fageBiaiL. 
Sat Madame Rigmaree, They ail LestiGeil, tbe 

Hod gone up to her bed-chamber soon after tea, 
Aud they really supposed that there still she mud m 

Which bcr spouse the Har-qiat, 

Found at once to agree 
Wilb the rest of their talc, when he ran np to see. 

Alack for Count Raymond 1 he could not ooaeeive 
How the case reaUy stood, or know uAul to belle**, 
Nor could Rigmaree settle to laugh or to grieve. 

There was clearly a hoax. But wbidi of the btti 
Had managed tu make them the butt of their KifcM, 
Wife or wizard, they both knew no more ikvt ItA 

That glass of the wizard's PUta([ 




Ttien tiey fnuid, wben they came to examine again, 
Soma slfht fidlinf; off in the slock of champtigTie, 
Small, bit more tlinD t}ie bnllrr could fairly eipUia. 
Howerer, (isce not)iiDg could nioke tbe troth koomi, 
yfhy. — tli»7 thought it «»» best la let matters alone. 

The Ccunt in the garden Bcgg'd Isabel'i pardon 
Next morniig tor waking her up in a fright, 
B; the racktt he'd kick'd op ut Ihat tunc of night : 
And gave hw his word he had ne'er luishehaTed to. 
Had he not cantc boute a; tipsj aa Darid'a sow. 
SttU, to give no occasion for funilj khoiIb, 

Friu iraa nack'd back to his convent at Arlea. 

WhUe as for the Prior, At Bajonand'f irmn, 

Fope raiaed bia reveicace a alcp or two liigUer, 
And nude him a buhop in pairrhiu— nhere 
Hii lee trai I cannot exoctlj declare, 
Or describe hia cathedral, not having been there. 
But I dare say jonll all be prepared for the nera, 
IVIien 1 cay 'twas a goud iiiaiir miles from Thoulouse, 
Wbera the prelato, in order t J set a cood precedent, 
Waa enjoined, as a tine qua tarn, to be resident 

Yon will fancy with me, 

That Oonnt Bayinond was free, 
For the rest ol hia liie, from his former curu<,- 
Still it tomehow occorr'd that ii< often as he 
Chanced to look in the face of my Lord Rigmarce, 
There was somethinc or other — a trifling degree 
Of constraint — or embamssmeat — ea;y to tee. 
And which seem'd to ba shared by the noble Mar-rptii. 
While the Ijidies — the qncerctt i« all things by half m 
Mj tale — never met from that hour without laughing. 

Good genllemcn, all, it ho arc aubjecls of nymfn. 
Don't make new acqnaintaacea rashly, but Uj men. 
Avoid above all things your cunning (that's aljp) men 1 

Don't go out o' niehts To sec conjuring sleights, 
Bnt shun all snch neople, delusion whose trade is ; 
Be wise! — clay at home and take tea with the ladic*. 

If yoo chanrt to be out. At a ' regular boot.' 
And get too much of ' Abbot's Fala Ale'or 'Brown 
Slout,' [spouse, 

Don 'I bo cross when you come home at night to your 
Mor b« noisy, noi kick Up a dust in the house I 
Be careful Tonraelf. and admonish your wni, 
To beware of all folks who love twopennj buns 1 
And don't introduce lo your wife or ^oui daughter. 
A sleek, meek, weak gent — who subsists on OMd water ! 

■ lu tlK (alkrr 1 I 

Kfii.« ben a hay.* plcti 
Iff htin, mocb Injurnl, ou 




IT has a jocund sonnd. 
That gleeful marriage diiine. 
As from the old and ivied lower. 
It peals, at the early matin hour, 

lla mer^. merry round ; 
And the Spring ia in its prime, 
And the song-bird, on Ihe spray, 
Trills (roni his throat, in varied note. 
An emulative lay — 
It has a Joyous sound ! I 
And Ihe Vicar i» there with his wig sod his book. 
And Ihe Clerk, with his grave, fuati-sanetifled look. 
And Iherts stand the village maids, all with tlicir posies, 
Tbeir lilies, and daffy •down-dill >es, and rcecs, 

IDight in white, A comely sight. 
Flinging the path to the left aud Ine right; 
— From oar nutsny days we all of us know 
Ke'er doth ' Our Ladyea garden grow ' 
So fair for a ' Grand Horticoltural Show * 
A* when bvrder'd with ' prittj niaids all on a row.' 
And the urchitia are there, escaped Iram Uie rule 
01 that ■ Limbo of Infants.' Ihe Katiaaal School, 
Whooping, and bawling, And squalling, and 
And crawling, and crcepinB [calling, 

And jumping, and leaping, 
Bcmeeping 'nudsl ' many a mnddering heap ' in 
Whue besoms Iheir own 'rode forefathers' are sleeping. 
— Young rascals !—instetd of lamenting and weepmg, 

To ■ wonder wlial 'Ut makes the geutlefollu stay,' 
Ah, weU a-duy I Little drcm Ihey, 
' Fm* i^iKiiaiit 4ciin 1 the bcH*, rin^ ig awa;. 

Are anything else ,__ 

Or that each of them, shtnJd wb ge intoftl birioc)', 
Is but a ' Symbol ' of some deeper mystery — 

That the dappers and ropes 

Are niere praplical tropes [popes, 

Of 'trumpets" and 'longues,' and of ' preachers,' and 
UnlesB Clement the Fourth's worthy Chaplain, Dnmnd, 
See the ' ]lationale,' ol that goosey -gander. [err, 

Genlly ! gonllj, Altss Muse '. 

Mind your P's and your Q's : 
Don't bo malapert — laugh. Miss, but never abuse 1 
Calling names, whether done to attack or lo twck a 

b. Miss, believe me, a great piece ot jack -a-is- ism. 

And as, on the whole, \ou'n> a good-natDrcd Soul, 

You must never enact such a pitiful raU. 
No, DO. Miss, poll up, and go back to your boys 
In the churchyard, who're making this hubbub and 

But hush ! there's an end to (heir romping and muni. 
For voices arc heard — here's the company coming ! 
And *ee, — the ovenne gates nnfold, 

And forth they pace, Uiat bridal train. 
The grave, the g»f, the young, the old, — 

They croES the green and grassy lane. 
Bridesman, Bridesmaid. Bridegroom, Bride, 
Two by two, and side by side, 
Unclca, and aunts, friends tried and proved. 
And wusins, a great ninny times removed ; 
A fairer or a gentler she. 
A lovelier maid, in her degree. 

Man's < 
Than darling, S 

ight nevi 


Close by her tide, her heart's dear choice. 
Walks Fredvitl'a hope, yoiuig Valeutino Boys. 
— But where, oh where — Is lugoldsby's heii 
Little Jack Ingoldsby ? — where, oh where i [n-bere — 

Why he's here, — and he's there, Aud he's evt 
He's there, and he's here ; In the front — in 


Now this side, now that side, — now far.and noiT near — 
The Puck of the party, the darling ■ pet' boy. 
Full of mischief and fun, and. good-humour and joy. 
With his laughing bloc eye, and hit cheek like a rose. 
And bis long cnily locks, and his little snub noae ; 
In his tunic, and trouseis, and cap — there he goesi 
Kow pinching the bridesman, — now teasing his lister. 
And lelling the bridesmaids how > Valentine kisa'd 

'TIS o'er \ the holy rite is doue. 
The rite that ' iDcorporates two in one,' 
—And now for the feasting, and frolic, and fun I 
Spare nc to tell of Ihe Boiiling and sighing. 
The shakiug of hands, the euibracing. and crying, 
■Hie ' toot— toot— toot ' Of the labour and Ante, 
Of the whito-wigg'd Vicar's pioloug'd salute, [Etagen, 
Or of how the Uitbe 'College YouHu.' — rather old 
Accnstom'd, for years, lo pull bell-ropcs for wngeis — 
Rang, fsstcr than ever, their ' triple-bob- ma JO M ; ' 

( So loud as lo charm ye. At once, aud alarm ye ; 
— ' SyadioUf,' of course, of Ihat rank ia the anny.) 

Spare we lo tell of Ihe fen and Ihe dues 
To tbe ' liltle old woman that open'd Ihe pews,' 
Of the largesse bcslow'd on the Sexton and Clerk, 
Of the four-year-old iheep roasted whole in tbe park. 

Of the laughing and joking, 

The qualGng, and smoking, 
And chamng, and liroaching — that is to Fay, poking 
A hole in a mighty magniHcent tub 
Of what mm, in our hemisphere, term ' naimnine Bub,' 
But which gods, — who, it seemi, use a different lingo 
From mort Ji.— are wont to denominate ' Stingo." 
Spare we lo tell ot the hotse-wllar grinning ; 
The cheese I the reward of the ugly one winning ; 
Of the young kdles racing for Dutch bodv-liuen,- 
—The soapy-tail'd sow,— a rich priw wlicn you've 

Of little boys bobbing for pippins in water ; 

The smocks and the whacks, 

And Ihe jumpers in neks. 
These down on the r nom,and those on their backs: — 
Nor skills it to speak of those darling old dillies. 
Sung rarely in hamtela now — never in cities. 
The ■ Klnn nwl Ike jtfitfo-.' the ' BM Ifohin Itood.' 

— ■ You'll say that my taste h sadly misplaced^ 
But I can't help confessing these simple old tunas. 
The > Auld IlobiH Gntyt,' and the ' jf I'leen jlroons," 
The ' Gramadiru MoHyt,' and 'Sieeel fionny Doom' 

Are dearer lo me. In a tenfold degree, 
Than a fine/aufosia from over the ses ; [ai« 

And, for sweetness, compared with a Beethoven fugue, 
As ' best reSned loaf,' lo the coarsest ' bron-n sugar ;' 
— Alack, for the Bard's want of science I to which ho 
All this misliking ot foreign oapnet'otr [owe* 

Not that he'd say One word, by the way. 
To disparage our new Idol, Monsieur Dnprei — 
But ho grudges, he owns, bis departed half-guinea, 
Each Saturday night when, devour'il by chagrin, ho 
Sits listening to singers whose names end in tni. 

But CQDUgb of the nurtics — let's leave them putsmng 
Their out-oC-dooc ganibols, and just take a view in 
The inside the4ialT, and see what Uia/ are doing ; 

And llrst there's Ihe Squire, The hale, hearty sire 
Of the bride, — with his coat-tails subducted and higher, 
A thought, than they're commonly wout lo aspire ; 
Uis back and bis buckskins exposed to the lire ; — 
^Bright, bright ore bis buttons, — and bright is the bue 
Of his squnrdy-cut coat of tine Saiony blue ; 
And bright the shal]6on of his little quiU'd qitene ; 
— White, white as ' Young England's,' the diiiuty veal 
Which descends like an anoIaneAe o'er his broad brCosI, 
Till its further prognssion is put in arresl 
By the portly projection that springs from his ehoat. 
Overhanging Ihe goniient — that can't be exptest ; 
—White, white are his locks,— Which had Nature fair 

Had appear'd a clear brown, slightly sprinkled with 
But they"[0 white as the peaks of Fliiilimmoa to-day. 
Or Ben Kevls, his paie is ti bitn poudril 
Bright, bright are the boots that envelop his heels. 

As it lights on the bride- 

Hia beloved one — the pride 
And delight of his heart, — sever'd now from his side ; — 

But brighter than all. Arresting ita fall. 
Is the smile, that rebukes it tor spangling at all, 
— A clear cose, in short, of what old poets tell, as 
Blind Bomar for instance, tr tcuifivci 71X01. 

Then, there are Ihe Bride and Bridegroom, withdrawn 
To tlie deep Gothic window that looks on tbe lawn, 
Ensconced on a squab of maroon -colour'd leather 
Aud talking — and Ifiinli'ni7, no doubt of tha weather 

But here comes Ihe party— Room 1 room for the guesto 

In their Pompadour coats, and laced ruffles, and vesta, 

— First, Sir Charles Graudison, Baronet, and hia 

For that lady, 'twas said had been playing the d — 1, 
Lost season, in town, with her old beau. Squire Greville, 
Which very much shock'd and chagrin'd, as mav well be 
Supposed, ' Doctor BarUetl,' and ■ Good Uncle' Selbj.' 
— Sir Charles, of course, could not give Greville his 
Older to prove his abhorrence of duelling, [giuol, is 
Nor try tor, deterr'd by the serioni expense, a 
Complete separation, a Wioro el mensJ, 
So he ' kept a caliu sough,' and when ask'd to ■ party, 

. , — .-. - "— and eeart^, 

__.._. aid, tooking demnrclr, 

He'd ' left her at home, as she found herself poorly. 

"" ' IT. ' Of dial inetion,' appear ; 

. . , . yon ne'er heard ot, ut aaw, 

Count Fcidmand Fathom. — Connt Thaddeoaof Wawaw, 
All CDver'd with glitt'ring bijoulerit and hair — Poles, 
Whom Lord DodleT Stuart calls ' PaUiot,'- Hook ' Bare 

Such riags.ond such broochec,snchslnds,and soch pinsi 

Tweia hard to say which 

And 'people (Jul tan' — but no matter for that. 

Folks were not then enlighlen'd by good Father Mat.)— 
-Three ftiendt from ' the Colonies ' near tbem wen 

The Great Mossachasell* man, General Muff Green, 
Mr Jonathan W. Doubikin.*, — men 
' tnfluenlial some,' — and their ' smart " Cnele B> 
He*, Abraham Adonis rpreforr'd to a stall),— 
—Ut Jmms and hit lady, (nm AUwortbr Ball 



For • manied mui — certaiDlj ' poopU did toy ' 

■y suspecl«d of using his wife 3], 

And bwng u sly s£ big half-brotber Btlfil.— 

u almwdly si 

(Miss Seagrini, 'tis irell known, 


And ■ pcojiTe did lay.' they'd been seen out tfRctlipr.— 
A fuel, the ' Boy Junes,' who, in our dsya, with miilic< 
AforethoQght, so often got into (he Palace. 
Would seem to coolirin, aa tii whitper'd ho owns, he's 
The son of a natnml son of Tom Jones's.^ 
Lady Bellaston (ricdi. she bod not been mvited 1) 
Sir feregrinB Fickle, now reocntly knighted,— 
All jayoni, all happy, &11 looking delighted! [descrihe, 
— It would bore you to dcatu should I pausa to 

u Or ODumerate half ol the elegant tribe 

r Who fiU'd the btckgrouod, 

j And smong whom were found 

The mu o( the old country families ronad, 
Such as Honeywoad.Oxcnden, Kautehbull, and Norton, 
Matthew Bobioson, loo, with his beard from Monk's 
Hwton. _ . _ _ . [Deedsc 




I (who then call'd the costlo 

Esanins, Knights, and Lords, 

In baE-wigs and swords : 

And Ine tioops, and the groups, 

Of Gne Ladies in hoops ; [feathers. 

The potHvnnat, the loupeei, and the diunonds and 

The Bower'd-silk md^um 

Which tbey wore on their backs, — 
— How? — tacqua and pompoon$, with the Sqnire'a 
boots and leathen ? — 

Stay! stay I— I suspect. Hero's a trifling neglect 
On yonr part, Madajne Muse, though yon're coaunonly 

Ai to eoEtume, as brown Quaker, or bhick Canite, 

For once I confoo, Here yon're ont as to dress ;— 
You've been fshly caught napping, which aivea me 
For I can't but acknon ledge it is not the thing, [distress. 
Sir Koger da Coverley's laced suit to bring [Bj-ng, 
Into contact with sqoaie-cut coats, — such as George 
And poor dear Sit Francis appear'd in, last spring. — 
So, having for once been compell'd to acknowledge, I 
've made a mioU bole in oar mntaat chronology. 
Canter on, Miss, vfithonl fnrther aptdogy, — 

Only don't mate Such tmotlier mistake. 
Or yon'lf get in a scrape, of which I ahttU partake ; — 
Enough 1 — yon aro sony for what you have done. 
So dry yonr eyes. Miss, blow your nose, and go on I 
Well — the party are met, all radiant and gay. 
And how ev'ty person is dress'd — wc won't say ; 
Snfllee it, thtr all cmne glad homage to pay 
To oar dear 'boonie Mand,' on her own wedding-day. 
To danee at her bridal, and help ' throw the slocking,' 
— A practice that's now discontinued as sboekiag. 

There's s breakfast, they know— There alway 
On occasions likti those, wheresoever you go. [is s 
Of eonrsc there ore ■ lots ' of beef, polled and hang. 
Prawns, lobsters, cold fowl, and cold hotn, and cold 

Hot tea, and hot roffee, hot rolls, and hot toast. 
Cold nigeon-ple (rook ?). and cold boil'd and cold roast, 
Scotcii nummUde, jellies, cold creams, colder ices — 
Slanemaitge, which, yoang ladies say, so very nice is,- 
Buck-meloiu in thick, pinca in much thinner slices, — 
Ohar, potted frilb clurined hnttcr and spices, 
Benewing on appetite long post its crisis — 
Uelinod barley-sugar, in various deTicFs, 
Such as bridgee, and boskets, and temples and grotloes- 
And maty French lucifor saappeis with mottoes. 
— In short, aH time gimcraclia together were met 
Which peopla of fashion tell Onnter to ati 
When tbey Eire a arand d'jriner i la fourelieUt — 
(A phnse which, tbough French, in onr language sUll 

Intending a breakfast with forks and not Rngorf). 
And seel what a mcuutainons bridecake !—« thine 
By itself— with (moll pieces to pas) through the nug 1 
Now as to the wmeal — 'Ay, the wine?' cries the 

Si^Diie, [firo,— 

Lettrng fall both his coal -tails— which nearly take 

Bnbbing bis hands. He calls aut as he stands. 
To tbe serving-men waiting ' his Honour's ' commands, 
' The wine ! — to be sure— here yon, Hany — Bob — 

Dick— [quick I- 

The wine, don't yon hear? — bring us lii-hta — come, 1 
And a crow-bar to knock down the mortar and brick- 
Say what tbey may 'Fore George well make way 
btaolil Roger lugolrlshys cellar to-day ; 

Oh dear I oh dcarl 

what you do r ^ . . 

— Enclaims old Sfri BotherhT,*--8fce n in ruA 
' Oh dear 1 oh dear I what do 1 hear ? — fnll oft you're 

heard mo tell [break his cell 1 

Of tlie curse " Wild Roger " lelt upon whoe'er should 
■ Full fivo-und- twenty years are gone since ICoger went 

As I bytliink me, too, it was upon this veiy day 1 [gavi 
And I was then a comely daine, and yon, a sprirtguld 
Were up and down to London (own, at opera, hall, and 

play; [little grey !— 

Tour locks were nut-brown then. Squire — yon grow a 
' " Wild Ilogcr," «o we eall'd him then, youi grandaire's 

youngest son. 
He was in truth, A wayward youth. 

We feor'd him, every one. ' [none,) 

In er'ry thing he Iiad his will, (he would he sta^'d by 
And when be did a naughty thing, be laaghd and 

call'd it fan 1 [he'd doi 

— One day bis father chid him tore — I know not wb 

But he scorn'd reproof ; And from Ihis roof 

Away that night be run I 
' Seven years were gone sad o\er — " Wild Bogcr ' came 

He spoke of forays and of frays upon the Spanish Main 


e of gold galore, and silks, aud s« 

a kindly man— he play'd a brothc 
r to his breast— he had a kii 


' Tour father 

He [ircss'd bis hrothi 

Fain would he have him tarry here, thi 

hearth to [hare, [brother's pray'r I 

But Roger was the some man still, — he scorn'd his 
Ho call'd his ocew, — away he flew, and on thoss foreign 

shores, [Eyesores it 

Got kill'd in some outlandish place, — they call it thi 
But ere lie went. And quitted Kent, 

— I well recall ths day, — [away ;' 

His flasks and ca«ks of Ooscon wine he saFi'ly *■ stow't 
Within tbe collar's deepest nook, he safely ston'd them 

all, [built np the wail 

And Mason Jones brought bricks and stones, and they 
'Oh I then it was a fearful thing to hear "Wild 

Hoger's " ban ! [i 

Good gracious me I I never beard the like from mortal 
" Here's tbat," qnoth ho, " shaU servo me well, when I 

return at last, . [past 

A balter'd hoik, to quaS and langb at toils and danger. 
Accurst be he, whoe'er he be, lays hand on gear o 

Till I come back again from sea, to broach my Gaacoi 
And more ho said, which flll'd with dread all those wh< 

listen'd there ; 
In sooth my very blood ran cold, it 
With veiy fear, to stand and hear ' 

He saw my fright, 

He caU'd me " Mo , , 

[toy for sbame 
Nay, more," an old" — some " boat- woman," — I may not 
Then, gentle Master, pause awhile, give heed to what I 

U'll, [secret ceU 

Nor break, on such a day as this, " Wild lloger'i 

' Pooh, pooh 1 ' quoth tbe Squire, 

As be moved from the Gre, 
And bode the old Housekeeper quickly retire : 

• Fooh 1— never tell me I Nonsense 1 fidd!e-de-de> 
What ? — wait Uncle Boget's tetum baek fmni sea ? 

Why, be may, as yon say. 

Have been soiuewhat too gay. 
And, no doubt, was a broth ol a boy in his way ; 
But what's tbat to us, now, at this time of day ? 

What, if some quarrel With Derin; or UarTcH- 
— I hardly know wluch, hut I think it was Dcring,— 
Sent him back in a huff ta hia oU pnvatoering. 
Or what his unfriends choose to call Buccaneering ; 
Jt'a twenty years since, as we veij well know. 
He was knock'd on the bead in ■ skirmish, aud lo 
Why rake no " auld warld " tales of deeds long ago ?- 
— Foul befall him who would ton ' " 
Of living man, whether in collar 

But linco, as Fve said, Knock'd oa tlM m 
Uncle Bogcr lias now been tome twenty yens i ., , 

As for his wine, I'm his beir, and it's ith»\ 
And rd long ago worfc'd il well, but tbat I taniad 

For this very day — And Tm sure yoc'U all aj 
I was right — when mj own darling Maud shnld %< 

married I 
So lights and a crow-bar I— the only thing lies 
On my conscience, at all, with respect to [his prtM. 
Is some little compnnclion ancnt Uie Esdie. [bsi 

Come— jon. Master Jack, Be the Ant, and bra 
Whale'cr eomes t "".".. 
Head the party, and mind that yon' 

Away CO the clan, With cup and with o 
Little Jack Ingoldsbj leading the vs 
Little reck they of the Boccanecr's b 
Hope whispers, ' Perchance well b 
beer too here 1 ' 

lest thought 1 which sets them aH g. 
Through cellar one, through ccUan t< 
Through collars three they pnss'dl 

And their niy they took To H 
Of cellar tour— the lost I 
■ lithe and guy, they batter nway, 
On thin wedding-day of Maxif s, 
With all their luigbt, to bring to li^ 
'Wild Boger's'^CustoiQ-houso fnuM 
And though stone and brick Bo ai 
When stoutly assail'd, Ibey ue no ba~ 
To the powerful charm Of n Y«o 

■When wielding a decent ish " — ' 

Down comes brick, and dow 

One by one— The job's half 
' Where is he ? — now come — wherei 
— There's a breach in the wall lliree 
And little Jack Ingoldsbj 


ight, but si 

Kfhis gamo, 
' t, but sUu be made 
ut ; " my Gracious I 

Loiff iitlLe aiDit name wbo nt' hei^iH ibf kPyi'M 
t Alomf Mm KoUiFrby'i onliDKrapUr. like il 
tlDftUkllcd caabumporsrr, BsniD Uuthrlj, wis ' o U 

-WIlD . 

in'l be little Jack lu^ldsby 7 

The candle — quick V 

Through stone and through bride, 
Tbey poke in the light on ■ long split stjckii 
But ere lie who holds it can wave It abool. 
He gsaps and he sneeiea— the Licirr a 


e thcro those. 

Who said that pole lieht's flickering bl .. 
For a motiteut, gleam d on a dork FonB Ibm 
Seem'd a.i bodii^ of foul block ai 



On * coek'd hftt, lured Wilb pM, uid pUced 

With t dtigagi. AerH-mtj-Ktxe, kind d( tul«, 
O'ei htla/rif brow by a *c*r dcficcd !— 
TUt Fcrra, thoy fiA, so (ool «nd w> blatk, 
Qrinn'd u it pointed at poor little Jack.— - 
— I know not, I, how the truth may be. 
Bat tb« {wnt-np vapiMir, at Icn^h ict free, [ing, 
Set Ihcei all cnecxiog, And coughing, ud nneci' 
A». working ila iraj To He nigiaiu of dar, 
It, al Lwl, \a n purer and hcallliirr biecu in ! 

Come, como, Mn Muse, we can't part in Ibis way, 
Or jDull leave ma tx dull as ditch-water all dar. 
Try and squeeze out a Moral or two from your lay I 
And let us part cbeerful, at least, it not gay 1 
Firet and (oreiDOst then. GentleFolks, team (rotn my song, 
Not to lock up your wine, or malt'liqunt too long t 

Thoagh pent sbould have age ; Tet 1 doa't ttiink 
To entomb it as some of your eoanoUfuri do. [it sitge 
Till it's loaiog in Savour, and body, and hue ; 

If any young nun, though a snubb'd youageT brother. 
When told ot bis [aulti by his father and mother, 
Duns rcstire, and gtxs off to sea in a huff, 
Depend on 'I, my friends, that young man U a MuH ! 

Neil— ill-gotten gains Are not worth Ihepains! — 
Thev proBjier with no One ! — So whether chrtooti, 
Ot iluiiiitiiah cigan, — or French gloTes, oi French 

Whatever yon want, pay the duly ! nor when you 
Buy any such articles, cheat the revenue ! 

And - DOW to conclude,* — Fur its high time I 
When ya do rejoice, mind, — whatsoever yon do, 
Tbflt liie hearts of the lowly rejoice with you too '. — 
T'.'Fil priidHe Ihcm their jies, 
■\i,.) itifir fniljfs and 'ri^ 

■.I ii,|. ... rc nilhlbdr Eoapv-ljurd nigs; 

'I iirt virtuous;,' rail and exhala 

. idling of vengeance and wail, 

I < >' 1 1 '- |'!>"iion less pale than sea-kale '. 

lIi^iiii-< ill,' jiuor man t« his pump and his pail. 
1 ' llrjiik lliert;~neTl have heneeforUi no uioni 
kfS and alell ' 

Uiix BcKlna BUttm pepi^l a ntiUti opUUn M a Dm •aDcm 

ludlFniitmt. cuaii<U 'ChrMiaiHU Html Cliriilitaua nm 
' "Ad hau WCB Probrterl duD, WMeiini 

u Sen ttoaiALH. 

Inannnch u hud by. Indeed so very nigh. 
That her dumneys, Irom his. you might ahuost dwcry, 
Dwelt a Ladr at whom ho'd lung cast a iheep's eye. 
One whose charaetet Kandol itself unild defy, [high, 
While her cboniu and accumplishments tink'd verj 

Aud who would not deny A propitious repiv. 
But reSect back hi* blushes, and give sigh for sigb. 

~ I MOOT" " '^^ *l.ft-K^ 

(A line that's i 

Nheroft, Tutlic right aud tliD left, 
Umim varlets so lately courageous and stcut, 
Acre they lay kirking and sprawling about, 
Jfce Bdlineseale frosH tbh, uncouscious of ice, 
)r tbaaewfateh, the acwspapen give us advice. 
tt Taylor, of Lombard- street, sells at half-price ; 
^Hevtir the door.'Kona half-doien or more ! 

Sciambla awar To the ta de ehawuct 
'At Mir French I fled friend always colls bis gtouod-fioor), 
Bd (hey tall. and they bawl.and thcvbdlow androtu 
wUghn, vinegar, btinrly, and Hfly ibingi more. 
bt bngth, oflrt no little clamour and din. 
Eba fonl art let oat and the fmh air let in, 
, They dra^ one and all tip tnto the hall, 
TIieTt B medical Qmkcr. the great Dr. Lcttigm. ['em,' 
no"! one o( the party. ■ bleeds, phviicki, and (woats 

All?— all— sn^eOne— ^ Bnt lie I— my " " 


Ugfat t: 


ittle heart a puUdoa non , 

u puUda 
And cold that lair and open I 
And elocod that eye thai heam'd with joy 
And hope — '0 God I my Hoy I my BoyV 

Enough I — [ may not, — dare not.— show 
Tlie wTetehod Father's fmiilic woe. 
The MiAha't learleB, ip««:hl(«»— Not 
1 raay not such a thane nsay — 
Too lutter thoughli crowd in and stay 
Hy pcv — aad monwy will have way I 
Enough !— «1 once I clow tho lay. 
Of fair Hud'l tat«l Wedding-day I 

It ha) a mournful noued. 

That aiugle. M>1emn BeU t 
As to tbe lulli and woods around. 
It flint? iti dani-loni>d knell t 
That mcatuml tau I — aloDH — apart, 
II strike* upon (he human haarl 1 
—It hu a mournful loaad .' — 

A handsome young geDllouan, courteous and bold. 
He'd an oaken stiong-hoi, well replenish'd with gold, 
With hruad tantb. piuture. ^ble, woodland, and woid. 
Not au urre of wbich bod Men mortgaged or sold ', 
He'd a I'lcsauure and Hall piusing fur to behold. 
tie had beeves in the byre, be had Sock] in the fold, 
And was somewLcre about live-and-tweuty yearf old. 

His Ggnrc and face. For boiuty and giaee. 
To the bffit in the county had srorued to give place. 

Small manel, then, U. ot women and men 
Whom be chanced to foregather with, nine out of ten 
Expresi'd themselva cbarm'd with Sir Alurcd Dunne. 

From my earliest yonlh, I've been taught, as 
A maxim which most will consider as sooth, [truth, 
Though a few, petadventure, may think it uneoutb : 
There are three social duties, tho whole of tbe swarm 
In this great homan hive of ours ought to pcrfoim, 
Aad lliat too as soon as conveniently may bs; 

The Best of the three— Is, the planting a Tree! 
The next, the producing a Book— then, * Babv ! 
(Fur my part, dear Reader, without any jesting, I, 
So far, at least, have accomplished my destiny.) 

From the foremost, i.e. The ' plantittg the Tree,' 
The Knight may, perchance, have conceived himself 
Inasmuch as that, which way soever he luuks, [free 
Oter park, mead, or upland, by stresmlets and brooks. 
Hi) line berelies and elms shelter thousands of rooks ; 

III twelve eighty-two, There would also accrue 
Much hititnde as to the article. Books ; 
But. if LJiosc we've dispceed of, aad seed not recall. 
Might, as duties, appear in compariioa miall. 
One remain'd, there waa no getting over at alt, 
— Tbe providing a male Heir for Bunnington Uall : 
Which, donbtlou, induced the good Knight to decide. 
As ■ matter of conscience, on taking a Bride. 
It's a very fine thing and deligbtfnl to sea 
Inclination and duty unite and agree. 

Bocaose it's a case Thai so nrvlr tiiket place ; 
lu the instance before us then Alurrd Drnne 
, Might well be eslecm'd the mc«t Incky ot men, 

but TomTUoore's by-lhe-by.> 

There was many a gay and trim bachelor near, 
Who felt sick al heart when the news met bis ear, 
That fair Edith li^ldiby, she whom they all 
The ' Bosebod of "rappington ' ceased not (u call, ^ 
Waa grang to say, ' Honour, love, and obey ' 
To Sir Alured Denne, Enight, of Bonnington Halt, 
That all other suiton werelefl in the lurch. 
And the parties had even been ' out-ask'd' in church. 
I For every one says, In thowi primitiva days, 
And I most own I tlunk it redounds to their praitu, 
None dresm'd of tiansfeiring a daughter or niece 
As a bride, by an < uaslam|i d agrMnacnt,' or Lease, 
'Fore a Besislrar's Clerk, or a Justice of Peace; 

While young Jadies hod fain Single womei 

So our bride and bridegroom agreed to apuenr 

At Holy St. Bomwold?. a Priory near. 

Which a long while before, I can't say in what year. 

Their tacbeaia had join'd with the neighbours to rear, 

And eudow'd some with bucks, some with beef, some 

with beer. 
To comfort the friars, and make tbeni good cheer. 

Adorning the buildmg With ean-ing and e:ilding. 
And stone altars, fix'd t« Uie chantries and GU'd in ; 
( Papistic in vnbotance and fonu, and on this count 
With Judge Herbert Jcnner Fnst justly at discount. 
See Cotnhridga Socieliu Cawtdftiient't 
V. FaiilkatT, tert. prim. Jantiarii Mrniit, 
With ' Judgment reversed, cost of suit, and expenses i~ 
All n'lsed to St, BomvoU, with some rcaMiD. styled 
By Duke Humphrey's (Toi^Msor, ' a Wonderful Child,' 
For ne'er yet was Saint, except him, npon earth 
Who made ■ his profession of faith ' at his birth, 
And when scarce a foot high, or six iochos in girth, 
Converted his ' Ma,' and contrived to amend a 
Sad hole in the creed of bis grendsire, King PendA 
urse to the shrine Of so young a ditine 
Flow'd much holy water, and some Uttle wine. 
And when any yoong folks did to marriage Incline, 
The good friaia were much in request, and not one 
"" more ' sooghl unto ' than the Sub-prior, Uea* John. 

To him, there and then Sir Alured Denue 
Wrote athree-comcr'dnotc with a small crow-quill pen, 
To aay what he wanted, and Gl 'the time when,' 
And, OS it's well known that yom- people of quality 
Pique thoniBeh-es joitly on strict punctuality. 
Just as tho clock struck tbe bom be'd named in it, 
The 9 hole bridal party rode op to the minute. 
Kciw whether it was that some rapluroui dieam, 
Coninreheadiag ■ fat pullets aud cloated croim,' 
Had borne the good man, in his vision of bliss, 
For ofl to some happier region than this — 
Or whether his beads, 'gainst the tingen rebelling. 
Took longer than usual that morning in telling ; 
Or whether, his conscience with knotted cord purgiagi 
MeB John was indulging hiniMlf with a seoui^ing, 
In penance for killing some scure of the £cas, 
Whicb, infesting hishair-shirt, deprived hita ot MM, 
Or whether a bwrel of Favcraham oystera, 
Brouehl in ou the evening Iwfore. to the elo'isters, 
Prodoeed indigestion, l^aatinnes a queetion : 
The particular cause it not worth a debate : 
For my purpose it's elcarly snfBeient to state 
'That whatever the reaeoB, his revVnce was Ul«. 

And Sir Alurcd Denne, Not Ihe msekcet at nuo, 
Began banning amay at •dJenceof a isle. 
Now here, though I do it with infinite pain. 
Gentle reader, 1 God I must pause to explain [known — 
That there waa — what, I own, I grieve to make 
On the worthy Knight's character one nngle stain, 
But for which, all his friends had borne witaest, I'm 


He had been snm r^pmc^. ai he still was mi7ii pair. 
The fact is, llial many distingniah'd cumnundeis 
' Swore lirribly (lotoT.Shan^) inFlanJm." [counlsiea 
Now Into these porta our Knight cliancing to go, 
Named from this lad, mlgar custom, 'The Xi«ie 

Though on common oecaaiont ai courteous as daring, 
Had pick'd np thM shocking had habit of iwcMiBg, 
And if anvthmg vax'd him, « ituittets went wrong. 
Was given lo what low tollis call, ' Coming it stnng ' 




Good, bod, or different then, foang oi old. 

He'd consign thsm. when cuce in a humour to scold. 

To « place wheto they certttinlv would not take cold. 

— Now if there aro thos*. ami I've eomo in uij ejc. 

Who'd extecm this a wime of do very deep dye, 

Let them read on— IheylJ find their mistake by -a nd-by. 

Near or far Few people there are, 
But hare heard, read, or sung shout yoting Lochinvar, 
Bcw in Nelherby Chapel, ' at morning tide,' 
The Priest and tte Bridegroom stood waiting the Bride ; 
How the* waited, ' but ne'er A Bride wrj Ihoro ;' 
Still 1 don't find, on reading the ballad with care, 
The bereaved Mr Orohiun proceeded to swear, 
-And jet to experience so BorioiB B blight in 
One's desreat affectionf, U somewhat exciting. 

Tia maniftfit then That Sir Alured Dcnno 
Had far less excuse for tuch had language, when 
It was only the Priest, nol the Bride, who was missing- 
He had fiU'd np (he iutecral l)ettcr with kissing. 

And 'twaa really anrprising. And not veiy wise in 
A Enigbt to go on 50 Bnalhcmutiiine, 
When the head and the front of the Clergyman's crime 
Was but being a little l)ehiQd as to time :— 

Be that u it mar. Re swore so that day 
At the reverend gcotieman's ill-judged delay, 
That not a bystander who beard what he said, 
But listen'd to all hia expressions with dread, 
And felt all his hair stand on end on his head ; 

Nay, many folks there Did not stick to decloro 
The phenomenon was not confined to the hair, 
For &t little stone Saint who sat petch'd o'er the door. 
St. ItcFtnwold himself, as I told you before, [cei»cd 

Wiut will scarce be believed. Was pliunly per- 
To shrug up bis shoulders, as very much grieved, 

Andlookdownwithafrown So remaikablj brown. 
That all saw he'd now quite a different face on 
From that he received at the hands of the mason ; 
Nay, many averr'd he half rose in hia niche. 
When Sir AJnred, always in metaphor rich, 

Catl'd his priest an ' old son of 'some animal — wbieh. 

Is not wi^h the Inquiry — a hint's quite enough on 
The subject— [or more 1 refer j-ou to Buffoa. 

And it's likely ha did, as he easily might, 
For 'lis certain he paused in his wordy attack, 
And. in nautical language, seein'd ' taken aback ; ' 
In so much that when now 
The ' prime cause of the row,' 
Father Julm, in the chapel at last made his bow. 
The Bridegroom elect was so mild and subdued. 
None eonld ever suppose he'd heen noisy and rude 
Or made nse of the language lo which 1 allude. 
Fair Edith hereelf, while the knot was a-tying, 
Her bridesmaids around her, some sobbing, some sighing. 
Some smilingrSome blushing, half- laughing, lialf-cryin 
Scarce made her responses in tones more complying. 
Than lie who'd been raging and storming so recently, 
AJl softness now. and behaving quite decently. 
Many folks thought too the cold stony frown 
Of the Sunt up aloft from his niche looking down, 
brought tlic sexton and clerk each an extra half-crow 
When, the rite being over, the fees were all paid, 
And the party remounting, the whole cavalcade 
Prepared to ride home with no little parade. 
In a climate so very unsettled as oun 
It's as well to bo cautions and guard against showers. 
For though, alnut One, Vou've a fine brQliant au 
When your walk or your ride is hot barely begun, 
Yet long era the hour-hand approaches the Two, 
There t> not in the whole sky one atom of blue. 
But it ' rains cats and dogs' and ron'refairty wet tlirotigh 
Gr« you know where to turn, what to say, or to do : 
For which reason I've bought, to protect myself weU, 
Good stout Taglioai and gingham umbrella. 
But in Edward the First's days I very mflch tear, 

Had a gay cavalier Thought fit to appear 
In inv such ' toggery '—then 'twas terai'd ' gear ' — 
He'd have met with a highly significant sneer. 
Or a broad grin extending from car onto ear. 
On the features ol every soul he came near ; 
There wol no taking refuge too then, as with us. 
On a slip-sloppv day, in a cab or a 'bus ; 
As they rude tfirough the woods 
In their wimploa and hoods. 
Their only resource agunst sleet, hail, or rain 
Was, as Spenser describes it, to 'pryek o'er the plame 
That is, to dap spurs on, and ride hcllei-skelter 
In search of some building or other for shelter. 

Now it seems that the sky. Which had been of 
As bright and as blue as your lady-love's eye, fdi 
■~ n (act being genial and dry. 

Began to assume An appearance of gloom 
From the luonicnt the Knight began fidget and fume. 
Which deepen'd and deepen'd till all_the horlion 
" '.v blacker than aught they bad ever set eyes on, 
i soon from the far west the elements, miiibling 
Increased and kept pace with Sir Alured's eroiahhng. 

Bright Bashes between, Blue, red, and green. 
All livid and lurid began to be seen ; 
At length down it came — a whole deluge of rain, 
A perfect Niagara, drenching the plain ] 

And up came the reek, And down came the shriek 
Of the winds like a steam-whistle starting a train ; 
And the temi^est began io to roar and to pour. 
That the Dcnnes and the Ingoldsbys, starting at score, 
As they did from the porch of St, Komwuld's church 
Had scarce gajn'd a mile, or a mere trifle more, [dot 
Ere the whole of the crow 
Were completely wet through. 
They dosh'd o'er the downs, and they dash'd through 
(he vales, [dales, 

They dash'd up the hills, and they daah'd down the 
As if cldeily Nick was himself at their tails ; 

The Bridegroom in vain Attempts to ruiusiu 
The Bride's frightened palfrey by seizing the rein. 
When a Bash and a crash 
Which produced such a splash 
That a Yankee had call'd it ' an Almighty Smash,' 

Came down so complete At his own coorser's feet 
That the rider, though famous tor keeping bis seat, 
From its kicking and pIungings,now uuder, now upper, 
Slipp'd out of his demi-pique over the crupper, 
Aiid fell from the back of his terriSed cob 
On what bards less refined than myself term bis ' Nob.' 
(To obtain a gaUeel rhyme's sometimes a tongh job.) — 
Just so— fur the nonce to enlii'on my song 
With a classical simile camiot be wrong — 
Just so — in such roads and iu similar weather, 
Tydides and Nestor were riding together, 
When, so says old Homer, t^e King of the Skv. 
The great ' Cloud-compeller,' his lightnings let fly, 
Aud their horses both made snch a desperate shy 
At this freak of old Zens. 
That at once they broke loose, 
Reins, traces, hits, breechings, were all of no use ; 
If the Pylian Sage, without any delay, [fray, 

Had not whi]ip*d them sharp roond aud away from the 
They'd have certamly upset his oiMolel, 
And there'd been the— a name I won't mention — to pay. 
Well, the Knight in a moment recover'd his seat- 
Mr Widdicombe's mode of periorming that (eat 
At Astley's could not be more neut ur complete, 
— It's recorded, indeed, by on eminent pen 
01 our own day, that this our great Widdicomhe, then 
In the heyday of life, bod afforded some ten 
Or twelve lesions in riding to Alured Oeniie, — 

It is certain the Rntght Was so agile and light 
That an instant sufficed to set matters right, 
Yet the Bride was by this lime almost out ot sight ; 
For her palfrey, a rare bit ot blood, who could trace 
Hor descent from the ' pure old Caucasian race,' 
Sleek, slim, and bony, as Mr Sidonia's 
Fine ' Arab Steed ' Of the very same breed. 
Which that eleeont gentleman rode so genteelly 
— See ' Coningsby ' written by ' B. Disraeli ' — 

That palfrey. I say. Frum this trifling delay 
Hail made what at sea's call'd * a great deal of way. 
■ More Beet than the roe-buck " and free as the wind, 
She had left the good company rather behind ; [prcss'd ; 
They whipp'd and Ihey spurr'd and they after her 
Still Sir Alured's deed was ' by long chalks ' the best 
Of the party, aud very soon d<st«nced the rest ; 
But long ere e'en he bad the fagitive near'd, 
She dash'd into the wood and at onee disappear'd 1 
It's a ' fashions ' affair when j-ou're out on a ride 
— Ev'o supposing yoo're nol m pursuit of a bride, 
tf yuu ore, it's more fashions, which can't be denied, — 
And you came to a place where three cross-roads divide. 
Without any way -post, stuck up by the side 
Of tbe road to di'rect tod and act as a guide. 
With a road leading here, and a road icadiue there. 
And a road leading no one exactly knows where. 

When Sir Alured came In pursuit of the dame 
To a turk of this kind. — a thrce-prong'd one — small 
To his scholarship if in selecting his way [bhui 

His respect for the Classics now led him astray ; 
But the rule, in a work I won't stop to describe, is 
/n medio semper luti'aiimus ibit. 
So the Knight, being forced of three paths to eater on 
Dash'd, with these words on his lips, down the centre on 

Up and down bill. Up and down hill. 
Through brake and o'er briar he gallops on stiU, 
Aye banning, blaspheming, and cursing his fill 
At his courser because he had given him a ' spill ; ' 

Yet he did not gaiu ground 
On the palfrey, the soniid. 
the contrary, made by the hoofs ot the bea^ 
tw fainter and lutnler. — and lainter, — and — Betted '. 
Alured burst through the dingle at last, 
a sort of a clearing, and there — he stuck Uii ; 
' his steed, though a freer one ne'er bad • ehoe on. 
Stood fix'd as the Governor's nag in ' Don Juaa,' 
Or much like the statue that stands, cost in copper, ■ 
Pew yords south-east of the door of the Opera, 
Save that Alured's horse had not got such a big fail. 
While Alured wonted the cock'd hat and pig-tail 

Before him is seen 

A diminutive Oreea 
Scoop'd out from the covert — a thick leafy aere^n 
or wild foliage, trunks with bnud branches between 
Encircle it wTjoDy, all radiant and sheen, 
For the weather at once appear'd clear ajid serene, 
And the sky up aboi'e was a bright mazarine. 
Just as though no such thing as a tempest haid been. 
In short, W 

such thing OS a tempest hi 
le of those sweet little plac. 

lings Ion 

.'here, nnder the shade 

That was made by the glade. 
The asionish'd Sir Alured sat and suivey'd 
A little low building of Bethersden itone. 
With ivy and parasite creepers o'ergrown, 

A Sactlluia, or cell. In which Chninicles \til 
Saints and anchorites erst were accustom'd to dwell; 
A little roand arch, on wbicli, deeply indented. 
The lic-saegy pattern by Saxons invented 
Was cleverly chisell'd, and well represented, 

Surmoimted a door. Some five leet by fonr. 

It might hare been tnss or it might have been 

In the primitive ages they made these thini 
Than we do in bnUdings Ibat bad but oi 

And these Chronicles say, When 
M^sh'd to shut himself np and keep out of the 

•'iBUChl. '■ ■ ■ 


There, nnder the arch I've eadeavonr'd to pahil. [eyes, 
With nu little sarpnse, And scarce trusting his 

The Knight now saw standing that little Boy Saint ! 
The one whom brfore He'd seen over the door 

Of the Pnory shaking his head as he swore — 

With mitre, and cronicr, and rochet, and stole on. 

The very self -same — or at least bis Eidolon ! 

With a - - . 


In a bold, manly tone, he Began, whPe his stony 

Cold lips breath'd an odour quite Ean de Calti(fn«-ji ; 

In fact, from his christening, according to rumont, he 

Beat Mr Bmnmiell to sticks, in perfuiueiy. 

' Sir Alured Dcnne 1 ' Said the Saint, ' be itten- 
-tive ! Your ancestors, all most respectable men, 
Have for some generations been vot'nes of mine ; [shiist. 
They have bruught me mould candles and bow'd at my 
Thev have made iny monks presents of ven'son and «ia^ 
With a right of tree pasturage, too, for their swine. 

And, though you in this Have been rather innin 
Still I owe you a turn for the sake oi ' long syna." 
And I now come to tell you,yuiir carsing and svMnDg 
Have reoch'd to a pitch that is realty past Iwarine. 

'Twore a positive scandal In even a Vandiu, 
It ne'er should he done, save with bell, book, aadcmdlei 
And though I've now leam'd, 'as I've always tusp«etait, 
Your own education's been somewhat neglected ; 
Still you're not such an oninfonn'd pagan, I hop^ 
As not to know cnrsing belongs to the Pope I 
And his Hniincss feels, very properly, jealoni 
Of all such encroachments bv piutrv lay fellows. 

h a voice all imlike to the infantine squeak [speak; 
'd expect, that small Saint now address'd bun to 






So take i 

tor all 

Go home 

you 11 

find there all as r 


ever speak talHi 

ighl a. 

To that shocking bad habit, I'm sorry to say, 
I have heard you so sadly indulge in to-day. 
As sore as yuu're bom, on the very first tiip [Uft 

That you make — the first oath tbal proceeds Ima tW 
I'Usoonmakeyonrucitl —I've said H— III ia ll! 
" Forewarn 'd is torearm'd," yon shan't say butyoalAff 
Whate'cr yon hold dearest or nearest your beoit, [it 

r, it I c< 

I wiU on my honour t yon know it's absurd 
To suppose Ibat a Saint ever forfeits his word 
Fur a pitiful Knight, or to please any such man — 
I've said it 1 111 dot— il I dont, I'm a Dutchman I '— 

He ceased— be was gone as he closed his hanngu^ 
And some one oalside shut the door with a bang! 
SparfcUng with dew, Earh green herb oUi-b 
Its profusion of sweats round Sir Alured threw. 


nisive luid thfioRbtliJ ho rfowlr withdjew 

the booh of his borae had got rid of Iheir glue), 

the end ol reflection continued lo chew 

be tn''!"* o' BoaningtoD Hnll roee in incir. 

' reck'd he what ho smelt, what he sin'. 

SriUiuiee ol aotaerj, Frignnee of grconeir, 

1 in iniprmung his menial nuchinerr ; 

' ui boor hid elapsed, ncll I worn, ore lie 

r wai able diitttnclkm [o draw 

t the odour ol garlic and boaquel du Hoi. 

itiIt, roenilr cuonds tlie horn, 
Lntf chccrdj tiag tbc belli ; 

For Ibe nice is ran, Tbe goal U won, 
little loat mntinn is happily tound, 
Ladr o{ Bannington's safe and munJ 
[n the Hall where her new Loid dwells 1 
bod tliey lidden, thai eompatiT gij-. 
' lair Edith, aw*r and Bwaj : 
bftd tlipp'd bacV o'er his eoarwr'i ramp, 
bad BOae over bin ean with a plump, 
he hioj herself had etoek on like a U'omp, 

Till her panting steed Bclax'd her spenl, 

teeling, no duubt, u a eentleman feeli 

1 he^ oDce diown a bailifi a fair pair of beela. 

if hcisolf, as it's Teiy well known 
^d will do, vteu tber*re tbaranghlr blown, 
thus the old groop had foregather d again, 
ta tbo Boosbiue mcceeded the ruin. 

irnt the joj, and the frolicking, rollicking 
ings indulged in br ono and bj all I 
J seiied on the most melancholic in 
I the broad lands oiound Bonnington Hall. 
Ul sorts of TOTcIiT, All EOiti ofdevilrj. 
I plaj at * High Jinks ' and keep np tbe ball. 
, weeks, and months, it is reallf ostooiibing, 
ion one's so happy, how tinic flies awa; ; 
iwtile Ibe Brid^room requires no admonishing, 
to what p*»'d on his own wedding Aty ; 
NeTcr since then. Had Sir Atured Deaae 
. word fall from his lip or hit pen 
began with ■ D, or left off with an N ! 

, and ouco onW, when pnt in ■ rage, 
careless joung rascid he'd biied as a Page, 
Ul boltons and brass. When in hondlmg a f;1a£s 
}f spiced hippoenu, throws It aUorerhiscti.lhos, 
spoils bis Iwst pourpoint, and smartest trunk hose, 
stretching his bund out lu take it andquuS it (he 
m a rose noble a jard for the taSetir), 
and then onlj, urns into bis head, 
r sad word that began with a Z ; 
lul he check'd hit compUinC, 
le remcBiberM tbe Saint, 
I sick — Ltdj Denne was beginning to diint — 
sight on his month acted qnite as a bung, 
Uah<0Det's coffin, the shocking word bung 
STS7 'tnixt the root and the tip of his tongue. 

taur a jcu Of miiih and good cheer 
nri their beads, to each other more dear 
dnj, tbef were quoted by peasant and peer 
' rarest examples of lore ever known, 
the days of Lt Cliivater D'Ariiie and Juarmt, 
'-- BitnninglaD chancel lie sealpturGd in stone. 

Toll — it happen'datUst, Aftorcertain years past, 
sn eijibasay came lo our court from afur — 
the Grand-diike cf AtuMorr — now catl'd the Ciar, 
he Spiodleahauk'd Monarch, determined to da 
e craco that be cwold to a noUeman, who 
til d all that way from a connlir which few 
England bad heard of, and nobody knew 
I hat like a muff, and n beard like a Jew, 
nenols, buildiugi, and dock-yards to i-ien, 
.nd to say how deiirous His Prince Wladimirat 
rog been with mutual regard to inspire ns, 
low be regretted he was not much Higher us. 
nth other line Ihinn, Such as Kings say to Ki n^ 
each tries to bnmbug his dear Bo^al Brother, in 
by such ' gammon ' t» take one anotlier in— 
>ing Longihanks, I say. Being now on his way 
i fot Fianoi. where tbe rebels had kept him at bay, 
Fia liiing in cloter At this time at Dorer, 
eavUe there, waiting a tide lo go over. 

■.«^of ^uicnne, 
jDcmg Ibose <A course was Sir Alnred Denne. 
Rw, acting lAe most Of the knii^hts in tbe host, 

'donee was not too far from the Coart, 

it bis wife with him, delaying their parting, 
. till the reiy last moment uf start lag. 

Of course, with such lots of lords, ladies, and knights. 
In tbeir Sara<vnelfe«, 'andthcirbright chaia -mail lights, 
All accustoni'd to galas, grand doings, and sights, 
A matter like tbia was at once put to rights ; 

Twoold have been a strange thing. 

If so polish'd a king. 
With his Board of Oreen CToth, and Lord Steward's 
department, [moont. 

Couldu*t teach an Ambassador what tbe word ' tmatt ' 

And tbo King, though he thought it ' a hit of a bore,' 

Ask'd all the eltffl Of his leree to meet 
The illustrious Strangers and share in the treat ; fber 
For tbe Boyar himsolf, the Queen Rracionsly made him 
Beau for tbe day, from respect to Duke Wladimir. 

Fancy the fuss and the fidgety look* 

Of Robert de BuTKbcrsh, tTiu constables, cooks ; 

For of course thceuMiiifl OftbcKingondthoQaeen 
Was behind them at London, or Windsor, or Sheene, 
Or wherever the Court ere it startod had been. 

And it's really no jest, When a troublesome guest 
Looks in at a time when you're busy and prert. 
Just going to Hgbt, or to ride, or lo rest. 
And expects a good lunch whi'nyou'Tc none ready drnsl. 

The ser>-ants, no doubt. Were much potto the rout, 
By this very extempore sort of sot-out. 

But Ibcy wisely fell Iwck upon Poor Bicbard's plan, 
' When you can't wbat you would, yon must do what 

Su'they ransack'd the country, folds. 

For the sheep and the porkers, the 

Twas said a Tom-Cat of Sir Alnred Denni 

A fine lAbhy'grey, Disappeu'd on (hat day. 
And whatever became of bim no one conld soy ; 

They bronght all the food That ever tbey con'd, 
Fish, flesh, and fowl, with sen-coal and drT wood, 
To his Majesty's Dapi/er, Eudo (or Udc),' 
They lighted tbe town up, set ringing tbe bells. 
And borrow'd the waiters from all the hotels- 
A bright thought, moreover, tame into the head 
Of Diipi/er Eudo, who'd some little dread, 
As he said, for the thorough success of his spread. 
So be said to himself, ' What a thing It would be 

Could Ibavebere withme Some one, two, or three 
OF Iheir outlandish scullions from over the sea I 
It's a hundred to one if the Siiitt or tboir Chief 
[Indersland our plum-puddings, and borons of beef ; 
But wttb five minutes' chat with tboir cooks or their 

We'd soon dish up something to tickle their palates I ' 
With this happy concoit lor improving tbo mess, 
Pooh-poohiug expense, he despatch 'd on express 
Id a waggon and lour on Ihe iostaut to Deal. 
Who dash'd down the liill williont locking tbe wbecl, 
And, by means which I gnces but decline to reveal, 
Seduced from the Downs, where at anchor tbeir vet 

LumpoS Icywiti, lorf to a former Connt Xeaselrode, 
A cook of some fame, Who invented the same 
Cold pudding that still b«ui the fajoily name. 
Tbis orcompliih'd, tbe Chef'i peace of mind was re- 

And in due time a banquet was placed on tbe Iioard 
• In tho very liest style, which implies, in a word. 
■ All the dainties the seanm ' (and King) ■ could afiord.' 

There were snipes, there were rails, 

There were woodcocks and rjunils. [laik) 

There were peacocks served np lu tbeir pride <tbat is 

Fricandsao. frieasscos. Ducks sod green peas, 
CoUleUti h I'lnditKne and chops a la Souhit 
(Whirb last you may Call ■ onion sauce ' if you please). 

There are bu-bocu'd pigs Stufl'd with raisins and 
Omtl'tUi and haricoU, stews and mjrouti, ["(Ts. 

And pork griakiDS, which Jews still refuse and abiur. 
Then the winos, — round tbe circle bow swifllr Ihey 
Canary. Sack, Malaga. MolvoiBie, Tent ; [went, 

Old Hock from the Ithine, wine remarkably fine. 
Of the ChirlemaBrne vintage of seven ninety-nine, 

— .,_ ^h the ciimpsny voted ' No Go ;' 

liie guests all boh- nobbing, 
And bowing and boblnng ; 

' Tills dVt of mm repute ■■uit| eer sartacar*. b 
inthl buna, a bw frm bltirr, 1^ Xanii, trtm U 

Jellies composed of punA, calves' feet, and isinglass, 
^om tbe good taste wbicb reigni 

Some prefer white wine, while others more Ttlue re<l, 

Few, a choice few. Of more orthodox ooflf. 
Slick to • old enisled port ,' among whom was Sir AJured i 
Mever indeed at n banquet before 
Had tJiat gallant commander enjoy'd himself more. 

Then come ' i 

J " — Borred in silver w 

s tartlets a: 

Cr«ams, and wbii 


id qnlnci 

Blanemangt, and qnlnce -custards, and goosebeny-fool. 
And now ^om tbe good taste wbicb reigns, il's contest. 
In a gentleman's, tbat is an £ 
And makes him polite to a stranger ana gucsi, 

They soon play'd the deuce 

With a large ChaTlolU Russe ; 
More than one of Ihe party despatcb'd hii plato twice 
With ' I'm really ashamed, bat — anotbrr small slice t 
Your dishes from Russia ore really ao nice I ' [good in 
Then the prime dish of all 1 * There was nothing so 

The wbolo of tbe Feed One and all were agreed. 
As the great Lumpofl Icywita' Neraelrode pudding I ' 
Sir Alurcd Denne. who'd all day, to tay sooth, 

With bis — what for my rhrme I'm — „__ ,._ 

Bequeited a friend Who sat near him to send 
a spoonful of what he heard all so colmnand, 
And begg'd to take wine with bim afterwards, grateful 
Because for a moonful he'd sent him a plateful. 
Having implied bin gloss — he ne'er ballt'd or apili'd it — 
The gallant Kuighl opeu'd bis mouth — and then flll'd it. 

Ton most really excuse me — there's nothing could bribe 
"« at all to go ou and attempt to describe 

Tbe fearsome look then Of Sir AlureJ Denne '. 
Astonishment, horror, distraction of mind. 
Bage, misery, fair, and iced pudding — combined I 
Lip, forehead, and cheek^bow these mingle and meet 
All coloun, sil buu, now odvaaec. now retreat. 
Now pole OS d turnip, now crimson as boet t 
How he grasps hi» tnn<ohair in attempting to rise, 
Seehis vein* now they swell I marklheroirof htseycil 
Now east and now west, now north and now souili. 
Till at onoe he contrives to eject from hh mouth 

That vile ' spoonful ' — wliut He bos gut he knows 
sn't quite sure if it's cold or it's hot ; [not. 

At tost be cxdainu, u be starts from bis leal. 

*Li. by 1' what I decline lo repeat, — 

'Twas tbe nomo of ■ bad place, for mention ni ' 

Tben oh what * voUey I — a grest many heard 
What flow'd bran hit lips, and 'twere really absurd 
To snppiwe that each man was not sbock'd by each word. 
A great many heard, toe. with miz'd fear and wondsr. 
The terrible crash ol tbe terrible thunder, 
Tbat broke as if bunting the building asunder ; 
But very tew heud. atlbcngh *very odb might, 
Tiie ohort, halt-«Iifled shriek bom the chair on the right. 
Where tbe lady of fionningtun lat by het knighl ; 

And snull stouj toes thai ined nought to tlio hoaiiT, 
Beckon stonily downwird to aoms one below, 
As Meirfman snja ' for to come loi to go I' 
While every ddo amelt a delicions perfanio 
That »eein'd to pcrv»dB cvcrj part of the room 1 

Fair Edith Denne, Tho hoane el bdU then, 
Never again vras behold amusg men '. 
Bnt there wiif the/au(eiiit on irhicb she was placed, 
And there was the girdle that craeed her nniUl waiit. 
And there wm her Gtomaclier, briiliiint nitll ^eliis. 
And the mantle she wore, edged with lace at tliu hems, 
Hat rich brocade gown sat Bpright in its pkce. 
And l|er niniple was there — but whore — wuebe wis 

Twos gone nitli ber bodj — and nohodj blows. 
Uvi cou]d anj. one present so much as suppuse 
How that Lad; contriTod to sliji out of her clothn t 
But 'twju done — she «ai quite gone — the hirw and Ibe 
No modal was eicr fct fuimd to declare ; [where, 

Tbungh inquiries were nude, and some writers record 
That Sir Alnred ofler'd a handsome reward. 

King Edward went o'er to his wars in Ouienne. 
Tukiog witli him his han>a«, his kaighls. and hii men. 
Y.iu Tiiiiv li-^ik lliiuiiK'h the whulo 

Aiiil \ ■ ■-! Jic Lpf Sir Alured Denne. 

But ' ■' ■ ri' (urmorlj stood 

Il;o I, A.i.L.: [.; i:.w Oj)-. ArchiPoloeisls say, 
May be seea, itud I'd go there and look ill could, 
Tbete long dwelt a hetmit reinotkably good, 

Who lived all aloM, And never wo? known 
To ttse bsd or bolster, except the cold stone -, 
Bui would KTOBQ and would moan in no piteous a tone, 
A wild Irtsfamnii's heart had respended ■ Ocb hunc !' 
Aa the fashion with hermits ol old was lo keep skius 
To wear wilh the wool ou — must cumiuonlj sLcep- 

He, too, Lkc the rest, was accostom'd to do so ; 
His beard, as no barber came near biin, too, grew so, 
Ho bore some reseitiblance to Hobinson Crusoe ; 
In Houndsditch, I'm told, jroull sometimet see a Jen (o 

h mattera, would lend by their hoys and their 

'Ihoy'd not get him to spedt, [girls ; 

If ther tried fur a week, 
But the colour would always nonnt up In bis cheek. 
And he'd look like a dragou if ever he heard 
His young (ricDda use a uaughtj expressiim or word- 
How long bo lived or at what tuiie bo died, 
Twcre faaid, after so many years, to decide, 
Bat there's one point, on which all traditions agree. 
That be did die at la'it, leaving no legatee, 
And hii linen wu mark'd with an A and a D. 
Alas, fur the gloriei nf Bouninglon Hall I 
Alai, fvr il* tplendoor 1 alas, for its faU I 

haag joui have goae by Since the InR'Hec might 

._ I .j^ bouse in the parish a" " *■- " 

n after the awful event 
I've related, 'twas siud through all thai part of Kent 
That the maids of a moniing, when potting the cliairs 
And the tables to rights, would olt pop unawares, 
In one of the parlours, or gsllrries, or daiiB, 
On a tall, female fignre. or find her, far horrider. 
Slowly o' nights promenading the corridor ; 
But whatever the hour, or wherBfcr the place, 
Ho £>n« TOulJ trer gH lujhl of her face '. 

Nor could they perceive Any ann in her sleeve. 
While her tegs and her feet, too, seciu'd mere 'make 

For she glided along with that ili*dow-Lke moti 

Which gives one tli« notion 
Of clouds OD a Kphyr. or shipi on the ocean ; 
And thoDgbof her gown they conldAnir the silk rustle. 
Tboy saw but that side on'l ornt^ with Ibe bu^lli 
The scr^-anta, ol course, though the bouse the 

Sooii ' watttad to Wtler tho!n«el»cs.' and gave warning. 
While even the new Knight grew tired ol a guest 
Who would Dot let himself or his faoiilr rest ; 

So he ptfk'd up his all. And made a bare wall 
Of each wcll-fumisli'd room in his ancestors' HaU. 
Then left the old Mansion to staud or to fall, 
Having mttv.iis^j barr'd op the windows and gatei, 
To •VDtu paying cessrs aiij Utes and rales. 

Pour Bnnnington, empty, or left, at the most. 
To the joint occupatioa of rookn and a Qhust. 

Soon went to decay. And moulder'd away. 
But whether it dropp'd down at last I can't say. 
Or whether the jackdaws produeed, by degrees, a 
Spontaneous combustion like that one at Pisa 

Some cent'riES ago, I'm sure I don't know, 
But yon can't find a vestige now ever so tinv, 
* Perienial,' as some one says, ' etiam ruiiiK.' 


tint n couple of tines m 
a pa&sion. don't swear 

wedding ! 

Wlienevet you chance to be ask'd out to dioc. 
Be exceedingly cautious — don't take too much wine I 
In your eating remember oue priucipal point, 
Whatever you do, have your eve on tho joint I 
Keep clear U side dishea, tton't meddle with those 
Which the leri'ants in livery, or those in plain clothes, 
I'oke over your sboolden and under your nose ; 
Or, if yon miut live on tho fat of the land. 
And feod on fine dishes yon don't nnderstand. 
Buy a good book of cookery I I've a compact one, 
First-rato of the kind, just brought out by Miss Aelon, 
Tliis will teach you their names, the ingredients they're 

And which to indnlge in, and which be afraid of. 

Or else, ten to one, between ice and cayenne, 

'i-'ou'll commit yourself sonie day, like Aiured Denne. 

To persons about lo be married ' I'd nay, 
Jon't exliibit ill-bumoor, at least on Tho Day I 
Vud iihould tboiB perchance be a trifling delay 
On the part of officials, extend them your pardon. 
And don't snub the parson, the clerk, ur churchwarden ! 

arrJEd men this — For the rest i^f your lives. 
Think bow j-our misconduct may act on your wives I 
Don't swcai then befora theoi, lest haply they fuint, 
Or— what somctimoi occurs — run away with a Saint 1 

lianrA Kilher, uid be tuntiml «|tb *• ItUit delay u |id«<Ii1f. 
I he iWry ll qudWd in • Tbe I>K:tor,' lo^rther with ■notber of Ok 
ums klmtTLicbisglveDOD dd [hi aaOurilyUuD UiUuTGrc- 

A very groat king who'd an Angovin bat. [in il, 

With a great aprig of broom, which he wore as ■ badge 
Named fiom tlua oircumstnntB, Henry Plaotagonet. 

Fray don't suppose That I'm going to prose 
O'er Queen Eleanors wrongs, or Miss RoiamoDd'a woes. 
Wilh the dagger and bowl, and all that sort of thing, 
Not mncb to the credit of Misa, Queen, ot King. 

The tale may he true. But between me and you, 
Wilh the King's esenpniiti I'll have nothing to do ; 
But shall merely eelect, as a theme for my rhymes, 
A fact which occurr'd to some folks in his times. 

If for bealth.oc a 'lark.' Ton should ever embark 
In that best of improvements on boats since the Ark, 
Tho steam-verael call'd the ' Red Sover,' the barge 
Of an excellent officer, named Captain Large, 

Tou may see. soma half way 

Tivixt the pier at Heme Hay 
And Margate, the place where you're going lo slay, 
A village call'd Birchinglon. famed fur ite ' Hulls,' 
As the fishing-bank, just in its front, it fur Solef. 

Well, — there stood a fane 

In this Harry Broom's reign, 
On the edge of tbo cliff, overhanging the main, 
Renown'd for its sanctity all through the uutiua 
And orthodox friars of the Austin persuasion. 

Velept, whom the rest had elected their Prior. 

His eoiiip}^*'"^ 3.1 VMM dooomiM 
And tt>\^°J'/fXl^hSt' feid hi. ri. - ■ 
Uittla ^"^ P^-rti on tbaf^ of bit 

His bright mariiiaj eye Wua of bi 
Jose n Gnely-are£-rf eyo-brow of unilar <^- 
He'd a smitll, wdf-form'd mouth with thm O 

an aquiline nose, somewhat red at the t^ 

In-doors and out He was very deront, 

ll his Anf and Paleri—aui iih. such ■ k» 
Fur his self-flagellations I Ibe Monks usol lo 
lie would wear out two penn'orth ul whipeoti 

_£ piety Sbowi in hia diet. 

Dines nuon pulse, or, by way ot nuietr. 
Sand-eels or dabs ; or his appetite mouj 
With those small periwinkles that crawl on t 

In brief, I don't slick To declare TaOu 
So they call'd him, ' for short,' — van a ' Ueet 
' lotaphor taken — I have not the pai^ ang 

ot an ethical work by the Slagyriti'. 

Now Nature, 'tis said, Is a comical jndl 
And among the fantastical tricks the has t>l*l 
Was the makine our good Father Richard t] 
As like I"'" m form as one pea's like nnnlhcl 

He was tall and apright, About, six feet 
His complexion was what you'd denouilnate ' 
And, though he had nut shorn hia ringlrtv of 
He'd a litils bald patch on the top of hia ctOT 

He'd a bright sparkling eye Of the has 
Rose a finely-areh'd sourcil of sijuilai- dye ; 
He'd a small, wcll-ebaped month, with si Cmf 
With a good Boman noae. rather red at the t 

Bnf here, it's pretended, The parallel e 
In fact, there's no doubt his Ufc Uiight I 

And people who spoke of the Prior with ^ 
Shook their heads if you mt " ■ -- 

If you'd credit report, 

.\nd High Jinks going on night and d 
Where Sir Robert, instead of devotion b^ 
Spent all his tune in luuecming bilarit^fl 

He drinks and he eab Of choice lii 
And be goes oat on We'n'days and FtU 
Qets tipsy whenever he dines or he mifl 
And is wont to c<nne quafTclsome bosofl ■ 

No Pufrrs. no Arret .- An absolote ^ 
To larlB. pickled salmuu, and a 
While as to his beads— what a 
Be really don't know the wrong end k 


So, ftough "twM own'd lien, Bj niae people in 
rhnt ' Bolcrt and Kichud were two preliy men,' [ten. 
fH there the praisil erased, or at least liic good Priest 
rVM eoiuicKr'd the ' Beautr,' Sir Robert the ■ UfHst ' 


Mijmiog dairn'd — "Iwu brood da;, 

PtiU no Priori the (r»y 

inOiai and eggs wml ontasted away ; — 
p came not to lundieon — all mid.' it was mm of him, 
None could eonecive what un earUi had bocomo of him. 

milled hii Mil, They pcep'd down the 

Ind^ea. rm afraid M' 

Twai whispct'd bo'd rob, Naj morder I a jcb, 
^ieh would etamp him no 'brick' but a 'rcgulai 
ift obioleto toim, which, at thii time ol dar, [&Dob,' 
nriibould probaUj render by maataii tujel), 

r Mow if W( nch affairs Get wind anuwares, 

' f are bruited about, doubtleeB, much mors ' down- 
Sre Old Nick ba> a register -oRice, Ibey sar. fstairs,' 
li coRimiuiooen qnite ol such matters au/ait, 

Ot coone, when fae heard What bit people avcrr'd 
JSir Robert's pr<)coediii|!i in dasd and in word, 
Jt uk'd for the Icd^r, and haiilcn'd to took 
U Oh learei on tlis creditoi aide of Ihia book. 

Twag with more than tnrpriM 
That be now ran bit eyes 

9m the Qimiberiets items, oalhs, cnrw». and lies, 

Dear mel this ig wnmgl It's ■ great deal tuo 
_.( notion this bill had been itondiog so long — 
Bd Levybab here 1 ' and he Kll'd Dp a writ 
< Ca M,' duly prefaced with ' Limbo to wit,' 

' Hero Levybub, quick 1' To his bailiff, said Nick, 
Rb "tried." and "my dander's up," "Gos-head slick'* 
h fa) Kent— nnl Kealock — and at once fetch away 
E^nob there— I gueis that's a MaMuili Sajtt. 

I • One da BirehingtoD, knight^- 'Til not dear quite 
nui hi» t'olliCT name i»— thcy'te not cnter'd It right, 
U^b, Bobert, or Richard ? they've oat gone so far, 
feorittnrs hare pat it down merely u " B." 

L • Bnl he's tall and Upright. About six feet in 

S#eompl»i[<n. 1 rcckon.yDu'dcalciUaln light, [hciglit. 
'md he's farther " st^t down " having nugleiji of brown, 
rUfa ■ litUe bald pakh on the lop of his crown. 

* Then his eye and bis lip, Bo<A-nMe, red at tip. 
M marks your attmlion canl euity slip ; 
^■ka Slomaaorh with yon, bu's got a good kiuek 
■ woaa grabbing bis matt, and m back in a crack '.',',' 


•Deuuiel Di^nrme! Why, wliereean he be? 
U-'s tallffn oifer the cliff?— twcliled into the inaJ' 
' Slut-— he tilk^^BxtMni'd line, ■ i( I ronullMt right, 
Of ii'iLiking ■ tiS oa Ui tiruttier, the E&igbtt 

Do turns as he spoaks. The ' Court Lodge be 

Which was known then, 05 now, by Qi* qn««r nania of 

Rut scarce half a mile on bis way had he mei, [dtad. 
When be spied the good Prior in tliB paddock— stone 

AJas I 'twos too true t And I need not tell you 
In the convent his newt made a pMtf to doj 
Thrudgli all its wide procincU so rvom7 aud epscioos. 
Nothing was heard bat 'Bless lael' and <0«od gm- 

They sent for the Uay'r And the Doetcr, a pair 
Of grave men, who began to diarius the iSair. 
When in bounced the Coroner, foaming «Jth fury, 
' Because,' as he said, ' 'Twns pooh ! pooh 1 ing his jury.' 

Then commenced a dispute. And so hot they went 
That things seem'd to threaten a scriou! imetUt. [to't, 
When, just in tbe midst of the uproor and racket, 
Who should walk in but St Thomas h fiecket. 

Quoth his sainlship, ' Dow now 7 Here's a fine 

coil, I trow 1 

I should like to know, gentlemen, what's all this row ? 

Mr Wickliffe— orWacldiffc — whatever your name is — 

And you, MrMay'r, don't you know, sirs, what shame is? 

Pray what's aD Ibis clatter About ?— what's the 
matter?' [chatter. 

Here a monk, whose teeth funk and concern made to 
Sobs out as be points to the corpse on the floor, 
'Tis all dickey with poor Father Dick— he's no more ! ' 

' Huw t — what ? ' says the Saint, 

' Yes be is — no be ain't I 
le can't be deceased — pooh I it's merely a feint, [ter, 
Ir soma foolish mistake which may serve for our laugh- 
Ho sfcotiW have died," like the old Seolch Queen. 

' His time is not out. Somo blunder, no doubt. 
It shall go hard but what I'll know what it's about — 
I shan't be aurprised if that scutiy Old Kick's 

'Now, none ot your lies, Mt. Niekl I'd advii 
You to tell me the truth •» ithoul any disguise, 
Or-r'tir The Saiut, while bia riiy gilU seem'd t» J 

' Wrong m 

'd tho Saint — 

The best colours I have are a vsst deal too talut — 
Kick afterwards own'd that be ne'er knew what fright 

Before he saw Saint under so much excitement. 

Hod a hand in t ; 

IS ol his tricks.' 

Wheu a crafty old hound Clupi his nose to the 


Then throws it up boldly and bays oat, ' Fve fouud '. ' 

Aad the pack catch ti.e note, I'd as soon think to check 

As dream of bamlxHraling St Thomas k Becket. [it. 

Once on the scent To bnsineas he went, 
Tou Scoundrel, come here, sir' O"*" Nick that he 
meant). [do, 

Bring your books hero this inrtant — bestir yourself — 
Ve no lime lo waste on such fellows as you. 

Every corner and nook In all Erebm shook, 
As he struck on tbe pavement bis pastoral crook. 
AH ill tenements trouibled Ihim basement to roofs, 
Aud their nigjer iDhahitanta shook in thcit boofs. 

Hanging his ears. Tet dinembling hii Fears, 
Ledger m hand, siraiebt ' Auld Horiiie' appears. 
With that sort of half-saeoking. half^mipudent look. 
Bankrupts sport wiien crocs-quntion'd hj CtnoweU or 

'Su.Sir-rr! yoaarebcrc,' Said tlic Saint with a 
' My summons. I trust, did nul much mteilere [sneer. 
With your morning engagements — I merely dcwre. 
At your leisure to know what yon'ie done with tny 
Price I 

Like a smBll boy at Eton, Who'i nst q 

And don't know hli task hut expects to be beaten, 
Nick stammer'd, scarce knowing nhat answer to make, , 
Sir, I'm sadly afraid here has been a mistake. 

' These things will occur, We are all apt to t 
rhe most cautioas sametinics. as you know, holy ti 
For uiy own part— I'm sure I do all that I can — 
Bat—^lhe fact is->I tear — rc have gut Ibe wrong ni 


-Poohl— flddle-de-deel 

m teach you, yon thorough -paced rascal, to meddle 
Witb chnrch matters, come, strtab, out with your I 
schedule ! ' 

letters of flaioe, [pain* 
stand, Colomn on column, 
. a decenl-siied volume ! 



^ins of all sorts and shapes, 

?rui.i small prar-- ' ^---- 
Up U 

And then ot inch standing ! — a merciless tick 
From an Oxford totiaccouisl, — let alone Nick. 

The Saint in snrpriae Scarce believedliisowneycs. 

Still be knew he'd lo deid wilh Ihe father of lies. 

And 'So fbi'iJ— you call Ikt'il' he exclaimed in a 

scorching lone. [ton 1 

• This M 1 ttie account ot my friend Dick de Birchmg- 

> Vfhj.' said Nick, with an ur, 

Of great candonr, ' it's Ihero 
Lies lbs awkwardeit part of this anfcnard affair^ 
I thought all wa« riRht— see Ihe height tallies guile, 
Tho complexion's what all mnit cmsider as light ; 
'Tbore's the niise.and the lip, and tberinelets oE bmwn. 
And tbe little bald patch on tbe l</p of the crown. 

' And then tho somame, So exBClly the 
I d'O'i kni>w~I can't tell how the accident ca 
But nime bow — I own it's a very sad job. [nabb'd BqIl 
But— my bailiS grabb'4 D*«t-».'o.v- ^- -^"■^* ^-~ 





' I'm veiod bojond buunda 

yon ehiRtld b>Te such cuod gtounds 
For complaint ; 1 would lutber have giren lire pouliils, 
And anv ipulogj. sir, you may choose, 
I'll laaks irith much pleasure, and put in the " Nsws." ' 

' An ^Hilogy ! — pooh 1 Much good that will do 1 

'■ apoloi/i/ " quotha I — and that loo from joa 1 — 

Befou aaj propnuJ h made of ihc Mirt [Court.' 

Bring back your stul'n good*, Ibicf ; prodnec them in 

miall It seGni'd no time at a]l, 
Fatlm Kifhord ml up en 'his nbat-do-je-call — 
ivr ml leant — and. u bat wu as wondrous as pleasing. 
It once began coughing, and soifting, and nieeiing. 

* 'While, Einnge to relate, the Euight, nhum the 

fate [gatP, 

[ Of bis brr>t1icr had rcacb'd, and Kho knuck'd al Uic 

Tn niake further ioquirji'^. hod tcarce made Ms bow 
, To tbe Saint cro bo rutish'd, and no one knew hon I 

at!t. A* Tullj- would phraio it, [>««■(— 
And nouu could littvc known whi're to lind bis Ulc 
I Tliot BpntMCo which man hii inorlalily teaches — 
Sir KobcTt had dlsappeu'd body and breecbcs I 

' Ueyday 1 Sir. beydar I What's the matter n 

■ What, Kill at your tricking ? 
Yon iciQ have a kicking f 

t we yon won't rest tdl you've got n good licking— 
Your claim, friend ? — w'h« claim ? — why, yon ahowM 
no brfora ' [the score '. 

n&t ]-Dut eli claim was cBDccIl'd— you've ctoss'd out 

■ li i( that way yon'd Jew one? 
You've eettlfd the true one ? 

Do you m*an to tell me he has run up a new one ? 
Of the thousands jou'vo cbmled And scurvilj 

Name one you've darod charpc with a bill onTC receipted 
In the Bankruptcy Court siiould you dare to pii^uine 
To attempt it, they'd Goon kick yuu out of the room, 
— Ask CunmuiBioner Foublanquo, oi ask my Lord 

' And then to make under So harcfaeed a blunder 
Your caption 1 — why, nbat't the world come to, 1 

My palieou 1 It'a just like his unpudencp. rat him I 
— Stand out of the way there, and let me get at him t ' 

The Saint nised his arm. But Old Xick, in 

Dash'd up through the akylighl, not doing much barm, 
While, quiUe pour la peur, the Knight, sound on tbe 

Down the chimoey come tumbling as black as a coal ! 

er hotel! ! 

- Birchington ael!. 

Bade him alter his liFe, luid held out a; a waruin); 
The narrow escape be bud made on't that morning. 

Nor need we declare bow, then there, 
"■ ■ 7 and Coroner blew up tbe May'r 

Nor will you reqtiire Me to jiate bow the Prior 
Could oever Ibriicrforth Iwar tbedght of a fire. 
Nor ever was beard lo express ■ desire 
In cold weather to see the thermometer higher. 

Nor shall I rekte The subsequent late 
Of St Thomas k Becket, whote reverend pate 
Fitiurse and De Morville, and Brito and Truer, 
Shaved oB, as bis crown bad been merely a jasey. 

Suffice it (0 say, Fr.<m that notable day 
The ■ Twin Birchington Brothers ' logelher grew grfy; 
In the came holy convent continued to dwell. 
Same food and same (asliogs, same habit, same cell. 

No more the Knight rattles In broils and Id 
But soils, by De Robin*, his goods and bis chsliek 
And conntinc all wealth a mere WiU-o'-tbe Wisp, 
Disposes of Quebes to Sir Nicholsj Crisps. 

One spot alime Of all he had known 
Of hii tpBCioos dumain he reUin'd as his own. 
In ■ neighbouring parish, whose name 1 mav tuy 
BtarcF an/ two jiecjJe pronounce tbe tame way. 

Rc-rtil-vrr snnio style .1. While olhrrs revile it 
As bud, and say Be-culi-ir^'tim't worth while, it 
WDoldicein,todispule.nbi'nWB knt " 
erial — I accent, myself, tbe penultit 

Sakcs with brains Full of ' Saxon rciimins,' 
May caU me a booby, perhaps, for my pulns, 
Still I hold, at the hazard of being thought doll by 'em 
Fast by the quantity nuirk'd for ReguUiiiim. 

Call 't as you will The traveller still. 
In the voyage that we talk'd about, marks on the bill 
Overhanging the sea, the 'twin towers' raised then 
By ' Hubert and Bicbard, those two pretty inca.' 

Well— there the ' Twins ' stand 

On tbe verge of the land. 
To warn mariners off from tlie Columbine sand, 
And many a poor man have Robert and Dick [Nick, 
By their vow caused to 'scape, like themselves from Old 

So, whether you're sailors Or Tooley-stroet tailc 
Broke Ioi»e from your masters, those sti'rnest of jaili 
And, bent upon pleasure, are taking your trip, 
la a croft which you fondly conceive is a ship, 

WTien yon've pais'd by (he Nore, 

Aod yoo hear the winrhi roar 
In a maaner you scarce ronld have fancied before, 

When the cordage and tackling 

Are Sapping and crackling. 

And the boy with tho bell Thinks it useless to tell 
Tou that ' dinner's on table,' because you're miivell ; 

When above you all's ' scud,' And below you thi 
Looks a horrible mixture of soap-suds and mud, [flood 

When the timben are straining. 

And folks are complaining. 
The dead-lighl£ ore letting tbe spray and the rain In, 

^Vhen the hehn's-mon looks blue, 

And Captain Large too. 
And you really don't luion- what on earth you Ehall do ; 

In this hubbub and row Think where you'd be 
Except for the Birchington boys and Iheir vow I [now, 
And while o'er the wide wave yon foci tho craft pitcli 

IPtau Cor gi Bitbiki of ISobtrltt anB XtsttjacO ! [hard. 

It's a subject of serious complaint in some house*, 
With young married men who haro elderly spouses, 
That persons are seen in their llguns and faca 
With very queer people in very queer places. 
So like them that one for the utlier's dt token, 
And conjugal eonfidence thereby much shaken : 
Kxplanatiuni too often are thought mere pretences, 
And Richard gets sculded [or Itobert's oSeucea. 

In « ««?/„g pi -,^ jtrm «kM my iM(« 
I say cop7^^ -^rwofiviste that 
Aud stick so^*^ :ifty^n,u.i.We iqi in your tall 
Nent.obserre.i^ jlia wrrld where woVe so many da 
How useful it Is ft;prc»ervr your reenipta I 
If yon deal with a penon whose tratli you dm^ tak 
Be purticnlar, still that your bill is cross'd out : 
But. wWh onr indoeemont to think him a vcamp, 
a formal rccuipt on a regular stamp ! 

liH every ^y g:dlant my story who notes 
Take wammg. and Uul go on -sawinK wild siU 

Nor depend that soma friend Will alwm •ttn 
And by 'making all right' bring him oS inSwtBl 
He may be mistaken, so lot him beware, 
St Thoin&s \k Bcckets are now luther tarv 

La.'1 of all, may'rs and mogiibutes, never be ndt 
To JLiries I they're people who icon'f be paoh-|nct'U 
Especiully Sandwich ones — no one Ran saj 
But himself may come nndor their clutches use dtf; 

They then may pay off In kind any wlxM, 
And, loming their hitc verdict quite ■ aii^ '*''*9; 
' Af^it yon,' and net • recommeiid yon to met^.*^ 



■ Hail, woddti love I 1 

rpDE LADT JANE was (all 
J_ The Lody Jane was fair. 
And Sir Thomas, her Lord, was stout of UioIil 
But hie cough was short, and his eyes wen dun. 
And he wore green ' specs,' with a tortoiseahall rig^ 
And his hat wa£ remarkably bcnad in Ihe bdm. 
And she was uncommonly fond of him, — 
. And Ibey were a lovmg pair 1 — 

And the name and the fame 

Of the Knight and hii Dame 
Were everywhere hoil'd with the loodext acclaim ; 
And wherever they went, or wherever they com* 

Far and wide, Tho people cried, 
' llnziah t for the Lord of this noble domain. — 
Huizah 1 buizah I huizoh 1 — ooct! again '. — 

Encore I — Encore 1 — One cheer more I 
. — All Borta of pleasure, and no sort of pain 
To Sir Thomas the (Jood, and the Fair liady Jaw! ! 

Now Sir Thomas the Good, Bcilwdl 
Was a man of a very contemplative mood,— fl 

He would pore by the hour OY a weed a I 
Or the slugs that come crawling out after a shows; 
Black- beetlea, and Bumble-bees, — Blne-bottk BiM, 
And Moths were of no small account in bis em ; 
An ' Industrioos Flea ' he'd by no mesne detpise. 
While an -Old Daddy-long-legs,' whose 'bag l^p 

and thighs 
Posi'd the common in shape, or in culonr. or sim. 
He was wont to consider an absolute price, [tt'' 
Niiy, a hornet or wasp be could scarce ' ke^ MB f 

Gave up, in short. Both business and spcct. 
And abandon'd himself (ouf tiilUr, to Pliitowphy. 

Now, as Lady Jane was tall and slim,- 

And Lady Jaue was fair, 
And a good many years the junior of 

And as he. All agree 
Luok'd lea like her Atari, 
As bo walk'd by her side, than bet Pin, 
There arc some might he found entcrtaininf » I 
That such an entire and exclusive dev " 
To that part of science folks style EntonuJocy. 

Was a positive shame. And, to such a wu 
Really demanded some sort of j^IogT : 

— No doubt it uoulif vei One b^ijlbewi 
To see their own husband in horrid grceu 'qoei.' 
Instead of enjoying a sociable chat. 
Still poking bis nose into this and to that, 
At a Ruat, or a bat, or a cat. or a rat. 

Or greet ugly things. All legs and winn, 
With nasty long tails ami'd with nasty long stlai 
And they'd jmn such a log of a ipouae to eondm 

— One eternally thinking, 

And blinking, and winkmg 
At grubs,— when be uoglil to ba winkjaj tf IkM^ 

■ QuirM S»<iHnn> hr 

,..--- -^. tlm siti af Adtu laA ^ 
[W.>r. E«,, lb. Bwrji;,. , h.^^ "aSiriiJIftrri 
leell, *■* IrtrtJ Elf ■'pilli.g ■ F^kri. vain* I«d «tjtt 
JiiJ7. anw ■ iMltani »i«rtn(t. fnunil hint ■ B«t Kullir.' i 
"■""'-' ' "/''-*" ""■ -'"'l' «• "S^ « 




But DO I — (^ lU) 1 Twos by no meuu 90 
'ith the Lftdy Jane Itigoldibj— the, fu dUcraeter, 
~ *, baling ■ tenivn niure even bdJ sweeter, 

Would nuTM object tp i/rr spoosf, in rrapect to 

Bis jHikuiK and peepltig After 'Ibtngs creeping; 
* ' bo mil keeping Umcuiiiig. v\A oecpUg, 
J «t trhat sbB perceived biin no diwp in. 

Tovt aH eontTairt, No lad? so fair 
W«i c'or known to wear mora eontenl*d an air ; 
And, let wbu would coll, — evciy Aa-j Gbo was there, 
PropotuidiDg receipts Its suinc delicito lore, 
Some tuuthiuine cuuierv«, of quinee, apple, or pear, 
Or distUliog strong waters,— or potting a hare, — 
Or counting hei spoons and bei crockeir-wue ; 
Or else, her tauibour- frame before ber, with care 
EmbroiJeruig a stool or a baek for a cbsir, 
With noedle-work roses, moat ciuming and rare, 
Enongb to make less gifted visitors stare, 

Aod declare, where'er 

The; had been, that. ' thej ne'er 
In their lives had seen angbt that at all f ciuld compan 
With dear Iddj Jane's buuscnilei; — ttiat the; would 

Na; more ; dmt suppose With such doings as 
"irius acconat of her merits must come to a close : [thot 
No ; — examine her condnct more closolv, jooll find 
She by no nienol neglected improving her mind ; 
For there, all the while, with an quite bewitching. 

Cloee by her side. Sat bei kinsman, MacBride, 
II jiei cousin, tonrtecn-times removed, — as you'll see 
a U yon look at tbe Ingoldsby family tree, 
r In ' Burke's Commoneis,' vol, xs. page j j. [pedigree, 
!|* All tbe papers Tve read agree. Too, with the 

Where, among tlie collateral branches, appaan 
■ Captitin Dngald MacBride, Rorat Scots Fusileers ; ' 
I.' And I doubt if Tou'd find in tbe whole uf his clan 
I- A more highly-intelligent, worthy young man ;~ 

And there he'd be sitting, Wbilo she iros a- 
4' knitting. 

Or bniiiuiag, or stitcliing, or daroiDg and fitting, 
I -Or putting a ■ gore,' or a ' gnSBCl,' or ' bit ' in, 
* BeadiziB 5oud, with a very grave look. 

Some very ' wise saw ' from some verv good book,— 
Some niFh pious divine as St. Tbomaa Aquinas : 
Or, equally cbamtiiig. The works of Beliarniine ; 
Or else bo um^vels The ■ vovagca and travels " 
' Of Hnckluj-ts— (bow sadly these Dutch names do sully 

IPtnrhus'M, Ilawkaworth's, ot Lemuel GuUiver'a, — 
Vol to name othen. 'mongst whom tbere ore few so 
Admired as John Bunyan and Bobinsoa Crusoe. — 
Ko inatler who came. It was always the same. 
LTha Captain was reading aloud to tbe Ibune, [shelf. 
Till, Itoin having gone Uirougb half the bcxtks on the 
- They were nlmost as ■■ise as Sir Thomas hunself. 
n Welt, it hsppen'd one day, — I really cant say 

The pirlieular mouth ; but 1 IhhJt 'twas in May, — 
I Twas, I fcnoio, in the Spring-time,^ — when ' Nature looks 

I- As tbe Poet ohsen'ea, — and on tree-t<^ and spray 

' The dear little dickey-birds carol awaj ; 

I Wben the grsas is so green, and tbe sun is so bright, 

' And all things are teeming with life and with light, — 

lb That the whole of the house was thrown into affright, 

& For no K>u[ could conceive what was gone with tbe 
I Knight I 

I It seems he bad tAkca A light breakfast- bacon, 

■ An egg— wilb a little bwii'd haddock — at most 

P A round and a half of mme hot butter'd toast, 

'I With a (lice of cold aidoin from lesterday's roast. 

'' And then — let me see '. — lie bad two — perhaps 

1^ three 

dps (with sngar and cream) o( strong gnnpowder lea, 
with a spoonml in each of tome ehoieo wu de vit, 
— Which with nine out of ten would perhaps disagree. — 
—In fact, I and my ion Mix ' bla«k ' with onr 
' Ilyson.' 
Neither having the nerves of a hull, or a biwin, 
And both halmg brandy like what aomo call pison.' 
Ko matter for that — He had eall'd for bis hat. 
With the brim that I've said was so broad and so flat. 
And bis ' specs ' with the tortoiseehell rim, and his cane 
With the crutch -bandied top, which he used to snitain 
Hu *t«H in his walks, and to poke in the shrubs 
And the grass, when unearthing bis worms and his 
Tbm ann'd, he set out on a ramble-~alaek I [grubs — 
"B* tl oul, poor dear Soul I — but be never fame back I 

'Firil dinner-bell ' rang Out its euphonious clang 
' At Ave — folks kept early hours then — and the ' Last ' 
Diflg-dong'di as it ever was wont, at bulf-pitst. 

While Betsy and Sally, And Thompsm tbe 

-Quoth Betiy.'Dearmc! why the flsh will be cold 1 ' 
Quoth Sally, 'Oood gracious I bow"Missis''iWllsco1d" 

ThumpHin, the Valet. Look'd gravely at Sally, 
As who should Bay, ' Truth most not always be told I 
Then, expressing a fear lest the Knight might take 

Thus cKpwed to (bo dews, [cold, 

Lamb's-wool stockings and shoes. 

Of each a fresh pair. He put down to air, 
And hong a clean shirt to the nre on a ehair.-~ 
Still tbe Master was absent — the Cook came and said, 

Mucb [ear'd, as tbe dinner hod been to long ready. 

The roast and the boii'd Would be all of it spoit'd. 
And the puddings, ber Ladyship thougbt such a treat. 
He was Dtorallv sure, would be scarce lit to eat 1 ' 

This closed the debate— ■ 'Twould be folly to 
wait.' [straight 

Said the Ijtiy, 'Dish np! — Let the meal be served 
Aod let two or three slices be put on a plate, 
And kept hot Cor Sir Thomss. — He's lust sure as fate 
And, a hundred to one, won't bo home till it's late I ' 
—Captain Dugald MacBride then proceeded to face 
The Lady at ibie,— stood up, and said grace, — 
Then set himself down in Sir Thomas's pUce 

Wearily, wearily, all that nieht 

That live- long night did l£e hours 
And the Lady Jane, In grief and ii 

And Captain MacBride, Who sat by her sidi 
Though I really can't say that he actually cried. 
At least had a tear in his eye 1 — 
mucb as can well be expected, perhaps, 

noming dawu'd, — and the next,^ — and tbe next, 
And all in tbe mansion were still perplex'd ; 
No wa!ch-dog ' bay'd a welcome home,' as 
A watch-dog should to tbe ■ Good Sir Thomas ;' 

No knockor fell His approach to tell. 
Not so much as a runaway ring at the betl — 
The Ball wu silent as Herutil^ cell. 
Yel the sun shone bright upon tower and tree. 
And the meads smiled green as green may be. 
And the dear little dickey-hirds curull'd with elee, 
Anil tbe lambs in tbe pa» skipp'd merry and free — 
"' 'hout all was j(y and harmony 1 

And thus 'twiU be,- nor long the day,— 
Ere we, like him, shall pass away I 
Yon Sun, that now our bijaoms warms, 
Shall shine, — but ibinc on other forms ;— 
Yon Grove, whose choir to sweetly cheers 
Us now, shall sound on other ears, — 
Tbe joyous Lotiib, as now, shall pUy, 
But other eyes its sports survey. — 
The stream we love shall roll as fair. 
The flowery sweets, the trim Parterre 
Shall acent^ as now, the ambient air. — 
The Treei whose bending branches boor 
The One bived name — shall yet be there ; — 
But where the band that carved it ? — Where ! ' 
Theae were hinted to me as The very ideas 
Which pass'd thrmgh the mi ad of the fair Lady Jane, 
Her thoughts having taken a sombre-ish train. 
As she walk'd on the esptanade, to and again. 

With CapUin AlacBride. Of course, at ber tide, 
yrba could not look qnite so forlorn, — though he tried, 
-An ■ idea,' in fact, had got inta hit head, 
Tliat if ' poor dear Sir Thomas ' should really be dead , 
It misbt W no bad ' Spec,' to be there in bis stead, 
And, by simply oontriving in due time, to wed 
A Lady who was young and fair, 

A Lady slim and tall. 
To set himself down in comfort there, 

Tlie LoH of Tapton Hall.— 
Thinks he, ■ We have sent Half over Kent, 
And nobodv knowi how much money's been spent, 
no one's been found to say which war he w»n* I — 
The groom, who's been over To F'olkestt 
Can't get any tidings at all of the 
-Here's a fortnight and 

Every plan wo eoiJd hit on — the whole country -side, 
Upnn all its dead walls, with placards we've I ' ' 
And we've tent round the Crier, and had 

I the rmer 1 [Dovei 

< has gone by, and we'r 

"MisaisQlI Stolen, ot ilrayed, Lost or mislaid, 
A I^EN-TLKMAH ; — middle-ogod, sober, and staid ; — 
Sloops slightly ; — and when he left home was anaj'd 

In a tod colour'd suit, somewhat dtngy and fmy'd ; — 
Had spiic'iclps on him with a lortoisoshell rim. 
And a hat rather low-erown'd, and faroad in the brim. 
Whoe'er Shall bear. Or shall send him with care 

Sight side uppennost) homej or shall give notice where 
e said middle-aged Oentlehjin is : or shall state 
Any fact that may tend to throw h^ht on his fate. 
To the roatj at the turnpike, coU'd Taitikgtos Oatb, 
Shall receive ■ Rewaiid of Five focKM for bis 

trouble, — 
<•»- N.B.— If defunct tbe Biwaim will be 

' Had be been alKne ground [double 1 1.M) " 

He mutt have been found. [drown'd '. 

No; doubtless he's shot, — or he's hsnged,— or he's 

Then his Widow— ay I ay I — 

But what will folks say I— 
To address ber at once — at to early a day I [may — 
Well — what then I— who cares I— lot 'em say what they 
A Eg for their nooseuBe and chatter 1— sufEce it. ber 
Charms will excuse one for casting sheep's eyes at her I ' 

Wben a man baa decided 

As Captain MacBride did, 
And once fully made up bis mind on tbe matter, be 
Can't be too pronipt in unmasking his battery. 
He began on the instant, and vow d that ' ber eyes 
Far exceeded in brilliance the stars in the skies, — 
That her lips were like roses — ber cheeks « 

Her breath had tbe odour of daffy-down-dilliesl' — , 
With a thousand more compliments equally true. < 
And expre«s'd in simihtvides equally new I 

—Then hi» left arm be placed 

Sound her jimp, taper waist — 
-Ere she fix'd to repulse, or return, bis embrace, 
Up came running a man, at a deuce of a pace, 
^V ith that very pccnliar espreSiion of face 
Which always betokens dismay or disasto'. 
Crying out--twas the Gardener, — ' Oh, Ma' 

f aund Master ! ' 
—'Where? where?' scream'd the lady; 
sereain'd 'Where?' 

The man couldn't say ' Tbere !' 

He bad no breoth to'sjiare, 
Bui, gasping for air, be could only respond 
By pointing — he pointed, alas !-— to the Fa 
— Twaf e'en so — poor dear Knight !— with his specs 

and bis bat. 
He'd gone poking his nose into this and to that: 

When, cloee to the side of the bank ho espied 
An ' uncommon fine ' Tiidpole. remarkably fal 1 

He sloop'd ; and be thought her 

His own ;~he had caught ber 1 
Got hold of ber tail, — uid to land almost brought 1 
When- he plump'd bead and hccLi mlo flfloen fe 

The Lady Jane was tail and slim. 

The ijuly Jane rras fair, 
Alas tor Sir Thomas 1 — she grieved for him. 
As she saw two serving-men, sturdy of limb, 
His body between them bear, 
She sobb'd. and she sigb'd ; she lamented, and cried, 
?ar of sorrow brimful was bet cup ; [dieil, 

iwoon'd,and I think she'd have fall'n down and 
J Captain MacBrids Had not been by ber side. 
With the Gardener ; they both their aaiislancc sup] ' ' 
And innuagcd to hold her np, — [ 

But wbtn she 'cornea to,' Ob! 'lis shocking 
The sijfht which the corpse reveals I 

Sir Tbomas't body. It looks su odd — bo 
Was half eaten up by tbe eels I 
is waistcoat and base, and tbe rest ot his clothes 
Wore all gnaw'd through and through ; 
And out of each shoe An cd th^ drew ; 
And from each of his pockets they pulf'd out two 1 
And the Gardener himself bad secreted a lew, 

As well we may suppose ; 
For, when he came running to give the alarm, 
Ue had six in tbe basket that liuag on his aim. 
Good Father John * Wi 



Holy water was sum 
And tapen were lig! 

\« bcUs t 

tntulikby. M wbow iwprn 
> »M ihe list f«InlHMa) 



And, ere morning came, that winsome dame 

Had made up her mind — or, what*8 much the same, 

Uad thought about — once more * changing her name,' 

And she said, with a pensive ur, 
To Thompson, the valet, while taking awaj, 
When supper was over, the cloth and the inj,-~ 
* Eels a manj IVe ate ; but any 

So good neW tasted before ! — 
lliey^re a fish, too, of which Fm remarkably fond,— 
Go— |K)p Sir Thomas again in the Pond — 

Poor dear I — hk'll catch us some more 1 1 ' 


All middle-aged Gentlemen let me advise, 
If 7oa*re married, and have not got very good eyes, 
Don't go piling about after Uue-bottlc mes I — 
If youVe spectacles, don't have a tortoiseshell rim, — 
And don*t go near the water, — ^unless you can swim ! 

Married ladies, especially such as are fair, 
Tall, and slim, I would next recommend to beware 
Uow, on losing one spouse, they give way to despair ; 
But let them reflect, 'There are fish, and no doubt 
As good tn the river as ever came ott< on 1 1' [on't 

Should they light on a spouse who is nven to roaming 
In solitude — raison de plus, in the * gloaming,' — 
Let them have a fix'd time for said spouse to come home 
And if, when * last dinner-bell ' 's rung, he is late, [in I 
To insure better manners in future — Don't wait I — 

If of husband or children they chance to be fond, 
Have a stout iron- wire fence put all round the pond I 

One more piece of advice, and I close my appeals — 
That is — if you chance to be partial to eels, 
Then— Oea« experto — ^trust one who has tried — 
Have them spiteh-cock'd— -or stew'd — they're too oily 
when fried I 

Did you ever see the Devil dance ? — Old Quert. 

He'd a very fine fonn and a very fine face, [grace. 
And his cloak and his doublet wore guarded with lace. 

And the rest of his clothes, As you Well may 
In taste were bv no means inferior to those ; [suppose. 

He'd a yellow-starch'd ruff, 

And his gloves were of buff, 
On each of his shoes a red heel and a rose. 
And nice little moustaches under his nose ; 

Then every one knows How he tinned out his toes, 
And a very great way that accomplishment goes, 
In a Court where it's thought, in a lord or a duke, a 
Disgrace to fall short in * the Brawls ' — (their Cachouca). 
So what with his form and what with his face. 
And what with his velvet cloak guarded with lace, 
And what with his elegant dancing and grace. 

His dress and address So tickled Queen Bess 
That her Majesty gave him a very snug place ; 
And seeing, moreover, at one single peep, her 
Advisers were, few of them, sharper or deeper 
(Old Burleigh excepted), she made him Lord Keeper I 
I've heard, I confess, with no little surprise, 
English history caird a farrago of lies ; 

And a certain Divine, A connection of mine, 
Who ought to know better, as some folks opine. 

Is apt to declare. Leaning back in his chair, 
With a sort of smirking, self -satisfied air. 
That * all that's records! in Hume and elsewhere, 

Of our early " AnnaUt " A trumpery tale is, 
Like the " Bold Captain Smith's," and the " Luckless 

Miss Bavley's " — 
That old llogcr Hovedon, and Ralph dc Diceto, 
And others (whose name should I try to repeat o- 
ver, well I'm assured you would put in your veto), 

Though all holy friars Were very great liars, 
And raised stories faster than Grisscll and Pcto — 
That Harold escaped with the loss of a " glim " — [limb 
That the shaft which kiU'd Rufus ne'er glanced from a 
Of a tree, as they say, but was aimed slap at hhn, — 
That fair Rosamond never was poison'd or spitted. 
But outlived Queen Nell, who was much to be pitied ; — 
That Nelly her namesake, Ned Longshanks s wife, 
Ne'er went crusading at all in her life. 
Nor suck'd the wound made by the poison -tipp'd knife I 

For as she, er the sea. 

Towards fair Galilee, 
Never, even in fancy, march'd carcass or shook shanks. 
tV course she could no more suck Lougshanks than 

But leaving her spindle-legg'd liege-lord to roam, 
Stay'd behind, and suck'd someUiing much better at 

That it's quite absurd [home, — 

To say Edward the Third, 
In reviving the Garter, afforded a handle 
For any CSourt-gossip, detraction, or scandal, 

As 'twould be to say, That at Court t'other day, 
At the f^te which the newspapers say was so gay, 
His Great Representative then stole away 
Lady Salisbury's garters as part of the pla^. — 
— That as to f^rince Hal's being taken to jail. 
By the London Police, without mainprize or bail, 

For cuffine a judge, It's a regular fudge ; 
And that Chief -Juistice Gascoigne, it's very well known, 
Was kick'd out the moment he came to the throne. — 
— Then that Richard the Third was a "marvellous 

proper man " — 
Never, kill'd, injured, or wrong'd of a copper, man I — 

Ne'er wish'd to smother The sons oi his brother, — 
Nor ever struck Harry the Sixth, who, instead 
Of being squabash'd, as in Shakspeare we've read, 
Caught a bad influenza, and died in his bed, 
In the Tower, not for from the room where the Guard is 
(Tlie octagon one that adjoins Duffus Hardy's). 
— That>, in short, all the ** facts " in the Decern ScriploreSt 
Are nothing at all but sheer humbugging stories? 

Then if, as he vows, both his country and France in, 
Historians thus gave themselves up to romancing. 
Notwithstanding what most of tlicm join in advancing 
Respecting Sir Christopher's capering and prancing, 

'TwiU cause no surprise If we find that his rise 
Is not to be solely ascribed to his dancing ! 
The fact is. Sir Christopher, early in life. 
As all bachelors should do, had taken a wife, 
A Fanshawe by family ,^-one of a house 
Well descended, but boosting less * nobles ' than nous : 

Though e'en as to purse He might have done worse, 
For I find, on perusing her Grandfather's will, it is 
Clear she had ' good gifts besides possibilities,' 

Owches and rings, And such sort of things, 
Orellana shares (then the American Stocks), [clocks, 
Jewell'd stomachers, coifs, ruffs, silk-stockings with 
Point-lace, cambric handkerchiefs, night-caps, and — 
(Recondite apparel contain'd in her box), [socks — 

— Then the height of her breeding 

And depth of her reading 
Might captivate any gay youth, and, in leading 
Him on to * propose,' well excuse the proceeding : 
Truth to tell, as to * reading,' the Lady was thought to do 
More than she should, and know more than she ought 
to do; 

Her maid, it was said. Declared that she read 
(A custom all staid folks discourage) in bed ; 

And that often o' nights. Odd noises and sights 
In her mistri^ss's chamber had given her sad frights, 
After all in the mansion hod put out their lights, 
And she verily thought that hobgobblins and sprites 
Were there, kicking up all sorts of devil's delignts ; — 
Miss Alice, in short, was supposed to * collogue ' — I 
Don't nmch like the word — with the subtle old rogue, I 
'vc heard coll'd by so many names — one of them's * Bogy' — 

Indeed, 'twas conceived. And by most folks believed, 
— A thing at which all of her well-wbhers grieved — 
That should she incline to play such a vagary. 
Like sage Lady Branxhobn, her contempo-rary 
(Excuse the false quantity, reader. I pray). 
She could turn a Knight into a waggon of hay, 
Or two nice little boys into puppies at play, 
Raison de plusy not a doubt could exist of her 
Power to turn * Kit Hatton ' into • Sir Christopher ; ' 
But what * mighty magic,' or strong * conjuration,' 
Whether love-powder, pliiltre, or other potation, 

She used, I confess, I'm unable to guess, — 

Much less to express By what skill and address 
She * cut and contrived ' with such signal success. 
As we Londoners say, to * inwiggle ' Queen Bess, 

Inasmuch as I lack heart lo study tlie Black Art ; 
Be that as it may, — it's as clear as the sun. 
That, however she did it, 'twas certainly done I 

Now. they're all very well, titles, honour, and rank, 
Still we can't but admit, if we choose to be frank. 
There's no lionn in a snug little sum in the Bonk ! 

An old proverb says, * Pudding still before praise I ' 
An adage well known I've no doubt in those days. 
And George Cohiian the Younger, in one of his ploys, 
Makes one of his characters loudly declare 
That * a Lord without money.' — I quote from his * Heir- 
At-Law ' — * 's but a poor wishy-washy affair ; ' — 
In her subsequent conduct 1 think we can see a 
Strong proof the D;ime entortain'd some such idea. 

For, once in the palace. We find Lady Alice 
Again playing tricks with her Majci:ty's chalice 

In the way that the jocose, in 

Our days, term < hocossin^ ; ' ■ 

The liquor she used, as Fve said, she kept cIqk, i 

But whatever it was, she now doubled tne dose ! 

(So true is the saying, < We never can stay, in ■] 
Our progress, when once with the foul fiend we leiguens.^ 
— She * doctor'd ' the punch, and she * doctor'd' the negH^ ^ 
Taking care not to put in sufficient to fliavoor it. 

Till, at every fresh sip, That moisten'd her lip, 
The Virgin Queen erew more attach'd to her FaTovita 

' No end ' now he commands Of money and laadi, 
And, as George Robins says, when he's writing aboil 

' Messuages, tenements, crofts, tofts, and ontbooiei,* 
Parks, manors, chases. She ' gives and she grants. 
To him and his heirs, and his uncles and aunts ; ' 
Whatever he wants, he has only to ask it. 
And all other suitors are * left in the basket,' 

Till Dudley and Rawleieh Beean to look musI^, 
While eyen grave Cecil, the famous Lord Boileigti, 
Himself, 'shook his head,' and grew snappish and foriy, 

All this was fine sport, As our aidnon report, 
To dame Alice, become a great Lady at Coort, 
Where none than her Ladyship's husband look'd bigger. 
Who * led the brawls ' * still with the same gnee nd. 
Though losing a little in slimness and figure ; [vigooi^ 
For eating and drinking all day of the best 

Of viands well drest, With < Burgess's Zest,* 
Is apt, by degrees, to enlarp;e a man's yest ; 
And, what in Sir Christopher went to increase it, he 
'd always been rather inclined to ob^ty; 
— Few men in those times were found to grow thinner 
With beef -steaks for breakfast and pork-pie for diaaer 

Now it's really a difficult problem to say 

How long matters niight have gone on in this wur. 

If it had not unluckily happen^ one day ^ckvi 

That Nick, — who, because He'd the gout ii Ui., 
And his hoofs— -^he's by no means so yonnjg as he vii^ 
And is subject oi late to a sort of rheumatic a- 
-ttack that partakes both of gout and sciaticas- 
All the night long had twisted and grinned. 
His pains much increased by an easterly wind, 
Which fdways compels him to hobble iad limp, 
Was strongly advised by his medical Imp 
To lie by a little, and give over work. 
For he'd lately been slaving away like a Turk, 
On the Guinea-coast, helping to open a brave tnde, 
In niggers, with Hawkins who founded the slaTe-tai^'j 
So he call'd for his ledger, the constant resource I 
Of yomr mercantile folk, when they're * not in full fora;' j 
— u a cold or catarrh makes them hnsky and hoiac^ 
Or a touch of gout keeps them away from * the "Bacm! 
They look over their books as a matter of eooiK. 
Now scarce had Nick tum'd over one page or tvo^ 
Ere a prominent item attracted his view, 
A Bill I that had now been some days orerdne, 
From one Alice Hatton, n^ Fanshawe — i 
Which you'll recognize, reader, at once as the 
With that borne by Sir Christopher's erudite ' 
The signature — much more prononc^ than pink, 
Seem'd written in blood — ^but it mieht he red ik" 

While the rest of the deed ae noeeededtoMij 
Like ev'ry * bill, bond, or acquittance whose dttoii 
Three hundred years old, ran in Lidin. — ^ Seidk 
{Diabcli i) omnes ad qtioe hxe pemenieni — ^ 
— But courage, dear Reader, I mean to be lenicniv 
And sc<:>m to inflict on you half the ' Law-reafiag* 
I uicked up * umquhile in three days* special plni 
which cost me — a theme 111 not pause to digraK 
Just thirty-three pounds six-and-eightpence a ' 
* As I'm stout, 111 be merciful,' therefore, and i 
All these technicalities, end by declaring 

The deed so correct As to make one 
(Were it possible any such person could co fhoe) 
Old Nick had a Special Attorney below there : 
'T was so framed and express'd no tribniud eoaU ( 
And firm as red wax and black ferret eoold maksii 

By the roll of his eye As Old Nick pot it tft 
It was clear he had made up his mind what to is 
In respect to the course he should have to pmsw^ 
When his hoof would allow him to pat on a AuU 

Now, although the Lord Keeper held under tke en 

And land in the country — ^he'd never a Town-I 

And, OS we have seen, His course always hill 
When he wanted a thing, to solicit the Qaeeo, 
So now, in the hope of a fresh acauisition, 
He danced off to Court ^ith his ^Uiunble Petitkib 


• i 

The grave Lord Keeper led the bcawta, 
The seals and macea danced befcn hta.* 


Plcud j^OT Mijest^'a Qraoe, I have not ft place 
well put iny head m, to dine, sup, or deep I 
Gnee'i LorJ Keeper hu nvwhere to htep, 
la J beg mill caireat. At yoai Majeatr'i fe«l. 
rout Once will be graciously pleaiod tor to taj, 
Vith u little delsT As toot Majesty mtj. 
9 jout MnjVstj'i Urace's Lord Keeper*! to staj — 
1 jour Oraec'» Pulilioner ever will praj ' ' 

"he QuTOO, n-hca Hko heard TbU petition pre- 

Mr to Sir Christopher*! rait at a wcrt ; — 
Boba, mj good Lord 1 ' wai her graciom rqily, 
I don't know, not I, Anj good reason whj 
rd Keeper, like yon, abould not always lie nigh 
vl«e— and devise — and revise — onr sopply — 
me 1 we're larpriied that the thing did nut strike 
ore — yes ! — of course 1 — Praj. whose house would 


I do things of this kind, I do thorn gent«ely. 
i!e ?— let me see 1 there's the Bishop of Ely i 
il»1 mansion, I'm told the proad knsie is in, 
ere in Dolboro. just opposite Thai-ioa Inn — 
■ LwbemBs grow so fine nad so big, 

ly,— don't yOH kuDw ?— he cul llaslingi' bead o(I- 
lark me, prond Prekle !~l'ni .speaking to lou, 
) Heuton '. — jou need ni>t. my Lord, look bo bluo- 
t up OB the iuitant I I don t mean to shock rm 

e by !— (The Bishop tnu sboet'd 1)— ITl 

■ock'Tuu 1 1 • 

Mirtien all Imw as she pusea, and stoop 
s, 01 she goes, the hind Sounce of her boop, 
lir Christuphi'r having Ihns danced to lome tnne. 
aivay with much glee in his best rigadooo ) 
Hiile poor Bishop Heaton, Who lonnd birasclf 

ous alarm at tbe Queen's contumelions 

lenacing tone, at once gave him up Ely IlauEe, 

ivery appurtenance thereto belongmg, 

ine the strawberry- beds Ywas so strong in ■, 

y he bon'd to flie gratified minion, 

ud, there con be, my good lord, in opinion 

diSerenee betwixt jonra And uune u to tlx 

nd tables, and chairs — We need no sutvcy'r»— 
hem just as you find theai, without reservalion, 
, copper!, and all, at your own talnation I ' 

^elll the object is gaia'dl A good towa-hooac 

obtain'd [ 

>xt thing to be thought of, is now 
louse-vonning * party — tlie ychen and Iho Aou>,- 
tae Court ladies call. One and all, greal and small 

olegnut ' Spread ' and more elegant Ball, 

ry great Lord whom ho knew, and bis sponie, 
our pour place on notbum-lull (1bI« Ely Uoose) 
Leeper and Dame Alice Uatton request,' 
lO-ond-so'a (name, itvle, or title expresO 
xkI company on T£e next eve of St. John, 
nida/ week, June 14th, as their guest, 
> patlake of pot-luck, And taste a fat buck. 
7timtaa on table oiactly at j. 
Ilea in tbe aft«n)oon, 

B. S. V. P 

' good Lord of So-and-so tbesa, and hii wife : 
tide I for thj life I for thy life I Cor thy life I 
wurticrs were wont to indoise tlicir expresses 
ry the Tlllth's time, and also Queen Ben's, 
une, for her port, too, took order that eoids 
l» lenl to the mess-roonu of all the Ilussars. 
}usehold iToops, Tiaia-banda, and burw and toot 

I'll, tlie day tot the roat, at length came about, 
e bells of St. Andre* '« rang moitily ont, 
le-litter, coach, and pad-nag. nilU iu piUion. 
tude of Conreyance then used by ' the Hillicin.') 
1 gallant and grand Defiled from the Strand, 
'hriiiigh (.'baof^ry (then an unpaged and much 
er) L»Di-, [Lone : 

thriDgb Shan (which was not a whit batter) 
thr-poi-b Fi-wl«t'i(cirtupted to Fetter) Lnne; 
ram ChmiMide mid St Mary'le-Bow, 
Jithnpsgale Strvet, Do»gate Hdl,* and Budge 

1 Piinels Dnkt's Inuin, ' tha Aibgnr,' rtoiA li'iv. 

They eomo and thev go, 

Smiire and Dame, ficfle and Bwti, [Snow 

Down Snore Hill (which we have sfuce whitewash'd t 
All eager to see the magnificent show. 
And spurt what aome IM a ■ fantastical toe ; ' 

In silk and in satin. To liatteu and fatten 
Upon the good cbeer of Sir Cliriatupher Hatton. 

Uoc< b 

ts :— sound again 1 — 

their Grand Arniadu . 
With him come Frobisher and Haivkintr~, 
In yellow mil, rosettes, and stoduugi. 
Room for my Lord 1— pmuil Leiceilet's F:u 

Retires awbilu from courtly cores, 
Who took his wife, poor hclplca* girl I 

And pilch'd her neck and heel down-ilaii 
Proving, in hopes to wed a richer, 
If not ber '.friend,' at least her ' pitcher.' 
A fiouriah. trumpets I strike the dmms 1 

Will Shakspeore, never rf his pen tick. 
Is here— next Doctor Masters comes, 

Benowa'd afar for curing men sick, — 
Queen's Serjeant Barhom t with his bums 

And tipslavcf. ciif , and wie forensic 

Now he's down agaiu — look at the amgla and bows 
And aofnams which he mokes to the Dumoot the House 
Lody Alice, tbe noble Lord Tteasurer'j spouse '. 

Come, now wo shall vieff A grand fat di dnt • 
Feiforui'd iu the vtiy Grit styic by litese iuo. 

Boom I Room! for great Cecil I — plow, place, for bi 

Boom 1 RoCTn [ lor Suutbompton — for Sidney, whose 

^sflPreui CbevaUtT, in lie ' "" 

Boots Bonagher ' — e'en now li 
Knight. Poet, Gentleman i — ^Roun ! for Sage 

Dom! [or Lord Hiinsdonl — for Sussex I — for Haw 
kigh 1— 

JT Jsooi.osBT II Oh 1 it's enough to appal ye ! 
Dear me 1 how th^ call I 
How they squall t bow they baHl ! 
This dame ha£ lost her ^oe— that one her shawl— 
Mv lord's got a tumble — mr lady a fall I 

Now a Half I a Hall 1 ■ A Brn« I r a Bfuwl 1 
Bere's my Lord Keeper Ilalton, so stateJr and tall ! 
Has Inl out Lady Huusdon to open the Sail I 

Fiddlers ! Fiddlers • fiddle away I 
Bcsio your catgut ! fidille and puy '. 

A roundelay I Fiddlo owojr 1 
Obey 1 obey 1 — hcor what Ihcv all say I 
Hip!— Mosic Kosey l^lay up tbire !! — pky I 
Never Was anything half 10 gay 
Ai Sir Christopher Hatton's griuid hulidny I 

The clock strikes twdva I — Who cares for tbe dock ? 
Wbo cares for Hark !— What a loud Single-knock 

Dear me I dear me I Who con it be ?— 
Wbr, who can be coming at this time of night. 
With a knock like Oiat honest folk to affright 1— 
■ Affright ? ' — yes.ii/riy*!.' — there aro many who muck 
U [car. and in danger stand firm as a rock. 
Whom the roar o( the batUo-field never Cfuld shock, 
Vet quail at the sound of a vile ' Single knock [ ' 
Ilnrkl— what COB the Porter be thinking u(f— What t— 
If tbe booby has not let him in III be ebol I— 

Dear me ! bow hut The room's all at once got 1— 

And what rings throuBh the roof ? — 

It's the luund of a hoof I 

some doflkej^ a-coming ilp-stain al full trot I 
Stay I — the folding-duors open I the laiies are thrown 

And in dancer a tall Figurant — Al.L in dlaiIK \ I 
Gracious me what on ndnduaS Ob. what a Iraund I 
Then with what an o-floini be einnca down to the 

ground I 

Look tliere 1 look there I Now he's up in tbe air I 
Now he's here I now he's there I — now he a no one 

know's where .' — 

™l seel — he's kick'd crora tahlaaod chairl 
There they go !— all the ilrawberriesi Bower), and tweet 

Tum'd o'er and o'er Down on the floor, 
Bv'ry caper he cola oremeta or distnrh* 
All the ■ Keen's Seedlings,' and ■ W'ilmot't Soperbs ? ' 

There's a ;nrauetlfi .' — we'ra 
.\II a great deal tou neat I [clear '. 

A ring!— (five him txnira or hell 'ahhl" jroa— stand 
There s a spring again !— oh I 'tis qniu {rightfol 1— oh 

His toe's broke the tr^l of the glass chandelier 1 1 

f OllrdlrSbR 

rtllskw ■ TImVuuuui Lutcw."— J 

ils— she r 
Insteod of a Beau's 'twas the 1a.w of a Bailiff I— ' [if 
lie holds ont his hond — she declines it, and draws 
Back ber own— see I— he grasp* it with horrid blaok 
claws, [p*"* I ' 

Like the short, sharp, strong nsils of a Pohu Bear's 
Then she ' scream'd such a scream I ' 
Such another, I deem. 
As. lung after, MissMaiy Brown t scream 'din her dream. 

Well she roigh t i for twesahrewdly remark'dby her Page, 
' "'laro littio boy abont twelve years of ago, [cry, 

who "OB slanding close by When she iitler'J her 
That the whole of her arm shrivell'd up, and grew dry, 
White the fingers and thmnh of the hand he had got 
In his elutchee became on the instant bed nor ! ! 
Now he whirb and he twirls 

Through the girls in their ciult, [pearls, 

id their ronge, ond their feathers, and diamonds, and 
Now high, — now low, — Now fast, and now slow, 
tenitile ciicumKynilion they go ; 
The flome-cotourd Belle and her coffee-faced Beau I 

Now one grand pinmetle, the parfonnanco to 
Now again they go CP '. I— aud they Tir 

The thunder roan \ And tho rain it pours I 
And the lightning comes in through tlie windows and 

Then more calling, and bawling, [dooni 

And squalling, and folllDg, 
Oh I what a featfut ' ttiamaih they are all in 1 

Out they all sally. The whole eoi7» dt bnlUl— 
Some daih down Holboni-bill into the vallcr. 
Where stagnates Fleet Ditch at the end of Harp Alley, 

When they came the □"it day to examine tho scene. 
There was scarcely a vealige of all that had been : 
Tbe beautiful tapestry, blue, red, and grr*n, [mean. 
Was oil blacken 'd and seonh'd, nad look'd dirty mid 
All the erockor? broken, di^ plate, and lurecn I 
\Sliile those who look'd up conld perceive in the toof, 
One very large hole in the shape of a liec/l 

r, - MaU, VoaA 1S41. 


01 poor Liflj Hitton, it's needless lo wy. 
No tcaea liave ever bem (ound to tbii daj-. 
Or the tumble dancer who wliisb'd her awaj ; 
But out in the conrt-yurd — uid juqt in Ibat part 
Where Uie pump itaods — lay bleeding a uirge Huiuk 

And sundry large Etai[u Of blood and of braini, 
Which had Dot been wash'd off notwithstanding the rains, 
Appcar'd on l!ie wood, and the handle and chains, 
As if tani<!t>odj's head, with a very baid thaoip, 
Had been rcccutty knock'd on the tep of the pmnp. 
That pnnip is no more I — that of whi^b yooVe juit read, — 
But they've put a new iron ono up in iti Il»ul, 

AndEliU,it it said, AttbU -aiuall hour'aodKad, 
Wlien alJ lobrr people are cosy in bed. 
There may sometimes be seen on a moomhiny nigbt, 
Standing do«o to the new pump a Ladv in White, 
Who keepi pumping away with, 'Iwoiild seem, all her 

Though never a drop romes her pains to rMoilo 1 
Aiid hence puny passenzers now ate debarrd [Yard! 
From proceeding at nightfall through Bleeding -Heart 


Fair ladies, attend ', and if rou've a ' friend 
At Court ' dont attempt lo bambooile or trick her I 
— Don't meddle with negus, or any mix'd liquor ! — 
Don't dabble in ' Magic 1 ' my stcry has shown 
How wrong 'til to use any ebarins but your own ! 

All Conjnring's bad 1 they may get in a scrape, 
Before they're aware, and whnteTer its shape, 
They may find it no easy affair to eecape. 
It'l not everybody that eomea off so well 
From tegrr-dt-maia tricks is Hr Bruneli 

Don't danee with a Stronger who looks like a Guy. 
And uAen danciuK don't cut yonrs capers too high 1 

Depend on't Uie fault's in Tour method of wnlli- 
II ever you kick out the candles — doBt try I [iug, 

At a hall or a ptay, Or any toirfe. 
When a pe((( soupfr constitales the 'Aprit' 
If sirawb ries and cream with Cukfaonk form a part, 
Take care ol your Head — and take care of your Hkaut! 

„_ . _ ..„. . ___ Nick for.. 
— Go to George Robins — bell find yon ' a perch ' 
(Du/ee DomunCa his word) without robbing the Church. 

The last piece of adriie which I'd have you regard 
Is, ■ don't go out of a night into Bleeding-Heart Yard,' 
It's a dark, dirty, black, ill-looking square. 
With very queer people about, and unlees you take care, 
Ton may find when jour pocket's elean'd out and led 

That the iron one is not the only ' Pump' there 1 

iloj, p>nii-lie«rl»d. goqty Uncle Jotio • bow wtll I rcmtl 
tba kJinliwM And sDrvtloi] vrliLcb my iuLacIiEcvdub nnvpent 
ill rtpald— bli brlsbt bine cou and [HplFiidcnl gtit batlo 
■ ftuKj |ww ■ i( Uai psxdra-^la IttUe qnUMIIw pliui 
111 taj pnlaewgrlbF uiiImB— (bejr wen -Ukeugel? r 
and f*T bHwMn — tbe nerer-telllDt and ninalB«DI 
rdcri ulm^iuuEbqrclfFdi— UMjmnmulUlDdinoas ai 
I •umtUmr* Tf «) mj drr^idn igilnH pnnJabmmC ' sU 


IBEMEMBER, I remember. 
When I was a little Bot. 
One fine morning in September 
Uncle bronght me home ■ toy. 

I remember how he petted 
Both my cheeks in kindliest mood ; 

• Then ' said he ■ you little Fat-head, 
Tbcrc'f a top becniise you're good ' 

Graadmaiunia—a ihrowd obBerrer— 

I remember mud apon 
4Iy new top, and said with fervour, 

' Oh I bow kind of Uncle John ! ' 

labile mamma, my form caressing, — 
In her ere Hie tear-drop ctooil, 

lieod nie toil fine moral lesson. 
• See what comes of Wing good I 

I remember, I remember. 

On a wet and windy day. 
One cold morning in December, 

I stole out and went to play ; 

I remember Billy Hawkina 

Come, and with bis pewter squirt 

Sqnibb'd my pautaloan« and itockingi, 
Till they were oU over dirt ] 

To my mother for protection 

I ran, quaking every limb ; 
— She eiclaim'd. with fond offection. 

■ Gracious Goodness 1 look at him 1 ' — 

Pa cried, when he saw my garment, 
— Twos a newly -pmthasod dress — 

' Oh 1 you nasty little irannenf. 
How rame you in such a mess f ' 

Then be caught me by the collar, 

— Cruel only to bo kind — 
Aad to my e^iceeding dolour. 

Gave me— scleral slaps behind. 

Grandmamma, while yet I sniartcd, 

I remember. I remember. 
From that sad and solemn day, 

Never more in dark December 
Did I venture out to play. 

And the moral which they taught, I 
Well remember ; thus they said— 

■ Little Boys, when they are naughty. 

Mast be winpp'd oud sent to bed 1 ' 

pDoa Uecls Jou 

. DuIuIdh I cbsnt to 

hundred 01 

I SING of a Shirt that nerer vat nei 
In the course of the jrar Kightei 

Aunt Fanny began. Upon Grandmamma's plan. 
To make one for me, then her 'dear little man.'— 
— At the epoch I speak about, I was between 

A man and a boy, A habhle-de-hoy, 
A fat, little, pnncby concern of liKtecn, — 

Just beginning to ilirt. And ogle, — bo pert, 
I'd been whipt every day had 1 had my desert, 
— And Aunt Fan volunteered to make me a shirt ! 

Irish footman appear'd in the kitcbeo ;- 
—This took oft the maid. And, I'm sadly afraid, 
My respected Atint Fanny's attention, too. slray'd ; 
For, about the same peric^. a gay sou of Mara, 
Cornet Jones of the Tenth (then the Prince's) Hussars. 
With bis flue dark eyelashes, And finer mous- 
taches, rtasches 
And tbe ostrich-plume work'd on tbe corps sabre- 
(I say nought of the gotd-and-red cord of the sashes. 
Or the boots far aboi'o the Guards' vile spatterdashes), — 
So eyed, and so sigb'd, and so lovingly tried 
To engage her wbolo ear as he lounged by her side, 
Looking down on the rest with such dignified pride. 
That she made op her mind, She should cer- 
tainly find [bride I' — 
Comet Jones at her feet, whisp'ring ' Fan. be my 
— She had even resolved to soy ' Yes," should he a&k it 
— And I — and my Shirt — were both left in tie basket. 

He irt|* 

AlJbMpO*«>y3S/„ „.„„ 

But, on T Jict-3.dayl How lime 4 
Who'd hare thaagbt thai i " 

these tricks. 
Ten years had elapsed, and— I'd t 

Says ray Aunt, ' il will still be a very gi 
So Janet and She, Now about thirl 
ho moid had been jilted by Mr. Magee). 
Each taking one end of ■ the Shirt ' on her ki 
^ain began working with hearty gotii will. 
g the Seauis.' and ' whipping the Ft9 
only years since, though theKtiSI^^ 
A Frill like a Fan had by no meam lfe«wB 
People wore them at playhouses, paitiea^^^ 
Like overgrown fius of overgrown petcM^^ 

Now, then, by these two thus hxying tlieflS 
Together, my ' Shirt ' hod been finish 'd. pal 
But for one of those queer little tbree-eonia'' 
Which the ladies call ■ Side-hits,* that oerer tb 
— Here unlucky Janet Took her necdls. 
Right into her thumb, and cried luuilly. ' Aii 
I've spoil'd myself now by that 'ere tuuty Gs 

For a month to come Poor dear Junol'i 

OS in that sort ol state vulgar peopl« coll > 

At tbe end of that time, A youth, s 

Tlio Doctor's fat Errand-boy. — just toch a it 
Kept to mix draughts, ondsiireiui plaaten uM 
Who a bread-cataplasm eaeb mom'mg he ' ~^ 
SIgh'd — ogled, — proposed,— wt - -- -" 
Tied her 1 

Mach did Auut Fun Disapprove 4 
She tnm'd np her dear little snub »t^' ""' 
She 'conld not believe 

Was possible — What 1 rurh a place I- 
And all for a " Shrimp " not as liigh »» ■ 
A little contemptible " Shaver" lie U_ 
W ith a broad pancake face, and eyea bi 
For her part, ' She was sore fl 
A lad with a Hsp, and leg like a skewotfl 
Such a name, too;— ('twas Potts 1>- 

No, n 
He a 

Shan't, look like a blister, or smell of Q „ 

Buttherel She'd'dccLare, It was JaM 
CAoeun ^ son ^oiil As she baked she nu| 
She could not prevent her — twos no use m ti 
Oh no,— she had made her own bed, and nutl 
Tbey " repent at leisure who many at raada 
No matter — De gattibui rum diipulaadaak t ' 

Consoling herself with this choice bit of I^ 
Aunt Fanny resignedly bought some white H 
And, as the Soubretto Was a very great t 
After all, — she resolved to forgive and for^ 
And sat down to make her a ^dal roaetlc. 
With magnificent bits of tome white-Iookins 
Stuck in, here and there, each forming an 
— On SQch an occasion one could'ot fMljF 
Of course, that she ceased tc 

Ten years, — or nigh. — Had ogiillL 

When Fan accidentally easling her eyvl 
On a dirty old work-basket, hong np oi 

To her grief and dismay, She discorer'd one day 
Comet Jones of the Tenth was a little too gay ; 
For. besides that she saw him — be could not say nay — 
Wink at one of tbe actresses capering away 
In a Spanish l/otero, one night at the plaj. 
She found he'd already a wife at Cambmy ; — 
One at Paris, — a nymph of the eorpt de haUet ; — 
And a third down in Kent, at a place colled Fuut's 

Within, a pea-soup colonr'd fragments 
Of the hue of a November fog m Che^— 
Or a bad piece of ginger-bread spoilt iwfl 

— I still hear her cry. — ■ I wiib if 
If here isn't Tom's shirt, that's been w M 

My grodoua me I Well.— only to M 
I declare it's as yellow as yellow can ' 
Why it look's as though 't had been au 

Dear me, djd.vou evert— Bule(a]_ 
To bring matters round ; so 111 do my d 
" Better Late," says an exceUeot j 

It II slain'd, ia be i 

To rights " in a jiffy. 

Or, stay.— "Hn. 

Ind ' Here the u< 

of Lemon 
Will nske it, in no time, qoite fil hr 4 


y done 1 All's von 1 
|tar Duller Uie mn 

Oit so Ute fiaished — so eaiiy htgna I — 
fbe work Huold defy The mo«t critical c 
^CBch'd,' — it was wosli'd. — it xsta hung i 
Wk'd on the tail with a T and nn 1 1 [dcj 
^he back of a chair it WaipUcol — just to an it, 
i «f the fire. — ' Tom to-mnnuw tholl wear it I ' 

H moM kominum !—Fatnij, good soul. 

r ehoree for ono momeot — but one — * vile cnal 

i oat ^oiu the grate, uid »t lire to the whole I 


, -i-siUtei— 

ISifferciit tale had I tud Id relate I 

Bt Fan — nod mj Shirt — been superior to Fate ;— 

imotDent— nomore! Famipen'dlhodoorl 

■ght mute the bhue ten times worse than before ; 
St Foimjr sank down — in despair — on the floor I 
r tutty perhaps Agrippina's amaiement. 
IBoIune one tine maoalight night from 

Kit, vrhilo that gazing, All Home a-blaxing, 
at once all renroint on her temper, or 
fcezclojm'd, ' Hoag that Scamp of on Emperor, 
ough he's nij son '.-^ — lie thinks it prime 


tl — While the floinefl are demolUhingRome, 
E* Nero a' fiddling and singing " Sweet Home I " ' 
Phn really not sure 'twoi that lady who said 
it l\e put down. OS ihe itcpp'd into bed, — 
ition, I rather bplieie iKe was dead ; 
ia'eo when at College. I Fairly aekoowledgc, I 
M very precise in Oironology 


r fancy that wanior, so itera and so elony, 
felrty yean since we all used t« call Bone*, 
Mgog^ in what he styled ' fullilliag his del- 
di rapscallioni aciossthe Borysthenea, [tinia,' 
ilnade up his mind Snug qnarten to find 
W, against the catairhs and the MUghs 
M apt U prevail 'mongrt the 'Owlkis and •OBt.' 
ttimeof theyear Whcnyonr nose and your ear 
H means so safe there as people's are here, 
b ■■ 'Jock Frcet,' that most fearful of Bogl^ 
Ska leave their cartilage oft in their ' fogies.' 
iiiiarfaiicy,Iiay, Tluitsame BoNiy's dismay, 
^ Count Bostopchin At once made him drop 
■ up bia eyes, as his rsppee he took, [chin, 
jfrt of inorl-da-ma-iH'e kmd ut luok, [thing.' 
^Orceiving that ' Swing,' And ' oil that sort uf 
^ork — that he'd jiut lost the game without 
Kit; [it,'— 

CSieudiD was Usziog — the Bussians 'a-going 
tu in the place (rozt'n ban) as the ground^ 
[oeuee of • Tomcack al oil to be found 1 
fhney Ring Choilesat some CourtFoncy-Ball, 
- *iU we may fix In Sixleen iixfy-«ii.) 
built by biigo Jann at Whitehall, [all 
father, the Martyr, — {as such moum'd by 
lb, wept the Law's and tic Monarchy's foll.j 

lange regal robes for a pall — 

kncT King Cha^M, I say, slupuinEtbt 
n his sight the old church of St. Tsu 

buttress, and topping its wall — 
. .. old Clarcndoa mating a call, 
■g in eoU, slow, monotonoos drawl, [llall. 

Exact patronymic— I write and pronounce ill [Conncil 
These Classical names — whom sumo Qrccian Tow 
Employ'd, — I boliei-e. ly command of the Oriinle, — 
To produce them a splendid piece, pntelv hislorieal. 
For adorning ihe wall Of some fane, orGualdliall. 
' s subject »' 

At the mument her Sire, ^y especial desire 
Of ' that Spalpeen, ODysseos ' (see Bamer Maguire), 

Has resolved to dcvolc Her beautiful Ihroitt 
To old Cholcos a knife, and her limte to the fire : 
— An act which we modems by no means admire, — 
An olTring, 'tis true, to Jove, Mora, or ApoDo cost 
No trifling sum in those days if a holocaust, — 
Still, although for economy we should condemn none. 
In on B>^ icipar, like the great Aeamenmoa, 

To give up to slaughter An eJegaot daughter. 
After aU the French, Moeic, and Dancing they d taught 

And singing, — at Heaven knows how much a quarter. 

In lieu of a Call :— It was too bad by haZf I 
At a ' nigger ' t so pitiful who would not langh, 
And turn up their noses at one who could find 
No dccentcr method o( ' Haising the Wind ? ' 

No doubt but he might. Without any great FKjW, 
Have obtain'd it by what we call ' flying a kite.' 
Or on mortgage — or sure, if he couldn't so do it, he 
Must have succeeded ' by way of aannity.' 

But there — it appears. His crocodile lean. 
His • Oh 1 1 ' and bis ■ Ah 1 s; his ' Oh Law ! s ' and • Oh 

Were all tiionght sincere,— so in painting his Victim 
The Arlisl was splendid — but eonld not depict llim, 
Hlstealuresand phbt awry Show'dsomuchmisery, 
And so like a dragon he Loofc'd in his agraiy, 
That the foil'd Fainter buried — despairing to gain a 
Good likeness — his face in a printed BudiuM, [hart 
-—Such a veil is best thrown o'er one's face when one's 

some grief which no power con repair or avert! 
— Socb a veil I shall throw o'er Aunt Fan—and Uy 
Shirt I 

nd now fur some practical bints from the Btory 
Of Aont Fan's mishap, which I've thos laid before ye : 
For, if rather too gay, I can venture to say, 
fine vein of morality it, in each Uj 
Of my pnmitive Hose, the distingnishing trail I — 

First of all— Dont pat off till to-morrow what may. 
Without inconvenience, be managed to day I 
That eolden occasion we coU ' Opportnnity ' 
Rarel/s neglected by man with uipimily I [colour'd 
And the ' Future,' how brightly soe'er by Hood's dupe 

may afford You a loet chance restored. 
Till both you, and YOUB SUIHT. are grown old and 
pea-soap -coloor'd I 

1 would also desire Ton to guard your attire. 
Young Ladies.— and never go loo near the fire 1 — 
—Depend ont there's many a dear little Soul 
Has found that a Spark is as bad as a coal,^ 
And ' in her beat petticoat burnt a great bott> t ' 

Lost of all. gentle Header, don't be loo secure I— 
Let seeming success never make you ' oocli-tnre!' 

"it beware I— osd take care. When all things 

now yon hone your Shirt over the hack of your chair 1 — 

— 'There smauy a slip TwixtlbBcnpandlbelipI' 
this excellent proverb, then, well understood. 
And Dos't UAI.LO0 betobe toi-'be qotb ory or nit; 

Padding Lane's End, close by Fishnujngers' 
ner, in Smilhfield, there ii not a stall 
market, or street, not a house, great or small, 
Knigbt wields his fakhion or Cobbler bis awl. 
Ire '. ! ' — Ton mav fancy the general squall, 
•1 they all call lor wimple and shawl ! — 
]t loney til this — hut I boldly assert 
I fancy Aunt Fan — as she look'd on MY 

]iB ? or Zcniis ?— I think 'twas Apelles, 
ol old— I declare 1 otnt tell his 



' A KI) lisst then nerve enough ! ' be said, 
XX That grey Old Man, abo>-e whose head 

DnnmnhcT'd ycais had ndl'il, — 
' And hast thou nerve to view,' be cried, 
' The incarnate Fiend Ihal Heaven defied ! 
— Art then indeed w bold ? 

Emdaia. rash youth, the withering bhue 

Of that unearthly eye. 
That blasts where'er itlighto, — the breath 
That, like the Simoom, scsttars death 

On all that yet mn die t 

I'ltd.- B.IIa(a[reji<Mi X 

In wild unholy revol 1 
The terrors of that blaste'l brow 
Archangtfs once, — thoueh ruin'd now— 

— Ay, — dor st thou face Tut Devu. ? '- 

' I dare 1 ' the desperate Yoath replied. 
And placed him by that Old Man's side, 

In fierce and frantic glee, 
Unblench'd his cheek, and firm his limb ; 
■ — No paltry joggling Fiend, bat Hm ! 
—Tub LPKVtt 1— I tain wonid see 1— 

' In nil his Gorgon terrors clad. 
His worst, his felleet shape t ' the Lad 

Kejoln'd in reckless tone. — 
— ' Have then thv wish 1 ' Agrippa said, 

*-■ ' sigh'dand shook bish ^—' 

With many n bitter gi 

He drew the mystic circle's bound. 
With skull and cross-bones fenced aronnd ; 
He traced full many a sigil there ; 
He matter'd many a backtrard prny'r. 
That sounded like a curse — 
' He comes I ' — he cried, with wild grimace, 
• The fellest of Apollyon's race ! '— 
— Then in his startled pupil's face 
He dasli'd— an Euptv Pcusr 1 1 


H ! irhy those pileous soonds of woe, 
Lone wanderer of the dreary night F 
111V gushing tears in torrents flow, 
'I'by bosom pants in wild affright I 

And thou, witliin whose iron breast 
Those frowns austere too truly tell, 

Mild pitr, heaven-descended guest, 
Hath ae^er, never deign'd to dwell 

' That rude, uncivil touch forego,' 

Stern despot ol a fleeting hour! 
Nor * moke the angels weep ' to know 

The fond ' fant^ic tricks ' of power I 

Enow'st thou not ' mercy is not strua'd, 
But droppolh as Ihe gentle dew,' 

And while it bleGseth him who gsin'd, 
It blesKth him who gave it, too? 

Sav, what ait then ? and what is be, 

rale victim of despair and pain. 
Whose streaming eyes and bended knee 

Sue to thee thos — and sue in vain t 

Cold callotti man !— he scorns to yield, 

Or sugbt relax his felon gripe. 
But answers, 'I'm Inspector Field I 

And this hers wonnent's pngg'd your wipe.' 


. I how I shonld like In a Coach to ride. 
Like the SbeiiiTs I saw upon Lord Mayor's day. 


And then behind il, oh ! I should glory 
To see the tall serving men standing upright. 

Like the two who attend Mr Moolefiure, 
(Sir Moees 1 sbonld say) for now he's a Enighl. 

And then the liveries, I know il is redo to 
Find fault- but 111 hint as he can't see me blush. 

That I'd not have the things I can only allude to 
Either orange in hue or constructed of plush \ 

But their coils and iDctr waiitcoati and hats arc de- 

Their chanoing silk itockings— I vow and declare 
Our John's ginger gsileis to wrinkled and frigbilnl, 

I never again shidl bo able to bear. 

Oh I how I should tike lo have diamonds and rubies. 

And large plume of feathers and fioweis in my hair, 
Mt gracious I to think bow our Turn and tlioae buohics 

Jack Smith and his friend Mitler lliompsun, would 


Wilb their two-gnuica tickets to duics xt the hsll 
Wfiieh the Lord Mej-or giTes for the relief of the Poles. 

And to look at the e*s so nncommonly prcHy, 

And the itais tnd the nnoonr b11 jmt as they were 
The day that the Qneen tame in slnle to the Cilj 

To dine with tho » hole Corporation and Major. 
Oh 1 bow 1 ehonld like to see Jane and Letitio. 

Miss Jones and the tico Misses Fnunp sitting still, 
WhUe liear Ensign Brown, of the West Kent Militia, 

Solicila my hand for the ' Supper ' Quadrille, 
With hLs fine white teeth and his cheek like a rose, 

And his blork cravat and hi; diamond pin. 
And the nice little moustache under his nose, 

And the dear UUJe tuft on the tip of his chin. 

And how I should like some tine maming to ride 

The forr^lng piig» ciinplels Ibe tertet of Fordii. he. 
Itibnt UDdrr tlie nima uf Tboniu InftDldibj; at thae, 
L<pend n/ languiitc; • T\e auaanw'i Curu,' • TSt L 
warming.' -Tin Lay lif St. HomwiiUI.' and ■ Tki Bralh, 
Sire* 110(01,' mpearHl In Ihe "Nni MoplhlT Migailut, 

The Fnlluwlng artrclM, tbough pr1'>T Lti point of dnU, u-e bj 

^ iriU<aiA J^ V'lf,' webelL«Te, at linry Lane; and * JMH^ Jffgnol, 
U the llijni.r1iBi ThMire, "^^ -i-jr— n — — .v. i.- 

^iscellancons llofine- 

'111 driiik.' excliiima he, -Xpfhing sttonger Ihau 
And that but the worst and the weakest Boheo, [tea 
Till I've done — from my post scenes ol folly a for 
actor — [racier/ 

SoEne feat shall redeem both my wardiobo and cha- 
At sigij of ccmorEe so decided and vijiihlo 

And tmya him a coat of mail spick and apon new, 
In the hope that his prowess and deeds as a Knight 
Will keep his late larcenies qoile out ot sight. 
By the greatest good !nek, hu old friends the banditti 
" ise this moment to make on attack on the city 1 

Now yon all know the way. 

Heroes hack, hew, and slay, 

![i once the^ get fairly mixed up in a fray : 

Hermann joins in the melle. 

Pounds this to a jelly, [belly. 

Runs that through the bock, and a third through the 
Till many a broken bone, bruised rib, and Sut head, 
Make his ci-deKui( friends curse the hour that he ratted. 

Amid so many blows, Of course voull suppose 
Ho niujrt get D Mack eye, or, at least, bloody nose i [it, 
' Take that I ' cried a bandit, and slrack, while bespoke 
His spear in his breast, and, in pulliog it out, broke it. 

llermann fainted away. When, as breathless be 
A rascal claim'd all the renown of the day ; [lay, 

A recreant, cowardly, while-lirer'd knight, 
Who had Bknli'd in a furze-bush the whole of tho fight. 

But the Dumb Ludysoon Pnt some ginin a spoon, 
And half strangles poor Hcrmana, who wakes from 

And exhibits his wound, when the head of tho spear 

Fits its handle, and Biakes his identity clear. 

The murder thus out, Uennann'a /,"f ej and thanked, 

"" ■' '" "" 'valgets losa'd in a blanket; 

10 play — As refonn'd rakes, they 
Moke th« best of all husbands— the very Same day 
UeiiiiaDii sends fur a prie&l. as he must wed with some 

Buys a ring and a licence, and marries the DmobLadj. 


AN Emperor, famous in comicil and camp. 
Has a son who turns out a remarkable scamp ; 
Takes to dicing and drinking. 
And d — mning and sinking, 
And carries oS maids, wires, and widows, like winking 
Siaccthedays of Arm inius, his namesake, than Herman 
There nerer was teen a more profligate German. 

He escapes from the City ; And joins some ban 
Insensilde (juite to remorse, fear, and pity ; [dilti, 

Joins in all their carousals, and revels, and robtterics, 
And in kicking ap alt sort of shindies and bobberies. 

Well, hearing one day His oasociales nay 
That a bridal procession was coming their way. 

Inflam'd with desire, he Breaks into a priory. 
And kieking out eiety man Jack of a Riiir, he 
Upsets in a Iwiukliiig the mass- books and hassock?. 
And dresses his rogues in the clergyman's cassocks. 

The new-married folks Tsken in by this hoax, 
Mister Hermann grows frisky and full of his jokes ; 
To the serious chagrin of her late happy suitor. 
Catching hold of the Bride, he altcmnts to solute her. 
Now Heaven knows what Had become of the lot. 
Its Turtle to Tripa they'd have all cone lo (wt— 

If a Dumb iWy, one Of her Mends, hud not run 
To her aid. and, quite scandoliied, stopp'd all his fun I 
Just conceive what a caper lie cut, when her taper 
Long fingers serawl'd this upon whitey-browa paper 
(At the instant he seizvd. and before he had kisi'd 
her) — [sister! 

'Ha' done. Mister Uetmann! for shame; it's your 
His hair stands en end, — he desists from hia tricks 
And remains in a 'prclly particular fin.' [pickle. 

As he knows Sir John Nicholl Still keeps rods in 
Offences of Ibis kind severely to tickle. 
At so near on escape From his court and its sentence 
His eyes fill with tears and his tueast with repentance ; 
So,picking and stealing. And nnrighteuus dealing 
Of all swts, ho cuts, from this laudable feeling : 

Of wickedness weary, With many a tear, ha 
Now takes a French leave of the vile CandollicTi; 
And the ne.^t thing we hear ol this penitent vilLiin 
He is begging in rap in the suburbs of Milan. 

Half -starved, meagre, and pale. Hi* energies fail, 
When his sister comes in with s pot of mild ale; 
But though laller'd his jerkins, 
Uia heart is wbi^e, — workings 
/VeoBacience debar him from ' Barclay And Perkins.' 

'seape ' wigging,' a dumb wife's the 


IVILLIAM Rt!R'3-, 0: 

WALTEB TYRREL, the son of a Norman Papa, 
Has, somehow or other, a Saxon Manuna: 
Tliough humble, yet far almvc mere vulgar loons. 
He's a sort of a sub in the Rufns Dragouns ; 
Has travell'J, but comes home abru[itly, the rather 
That some unknown rascal has murder'd his father; 
And scoTEc has he piek'd out, and stuck in his quiver. 
The arrow that pierced the old gentleman's liver, 
When ho finds, as misfortunes cume rarely alone. 
That hiu swcathcart has Iwlted, — with whom is nol 
But, as murder will out, heat last finds the kily [known 
At Court with her character grown rather shady ; 
This gives him the ■ blues,' and impair; the delight 
He'd have othtrwise felt when they dub him a kniglil, 
For giving a runaway stallion a check, 
And preventing his breaking King Rufus's neck. 

Act 2. 
Sir Walter has iJress'd himself up like a Ghost, 
And frightens a soldier away from his post ; 
1'hen, discarding his helmet, he pulls his cloak biglier, 
Draws it over his ears, and pretends he's a Friar, 
This gains hira access to his sweetheart. Miss Faueit ; 
But, thB King coming in, he hides up in her closet | 
Where, oddly enough, among some ol her things, 
He discovers some arrows he s sure are the King's. 
Of the very same pattern with that which he fnund 
Sticking into his lather when dead on the ground! 
Forgetting his funk, ha bocsts open the door, 
Bounces into the Drawing-room, stamps on the floor. 
With on oath on his tongue, and revenge in bis eye. 
And blowe up King William the Second, sky-high ; 
Swears, alarms, shakes his fist, and exhibits sueb aiis, 
That his Klajesly bids his men kick him down-st*in. 

King Rufns is cross when be comes to reflect. 
That, as King, he'<i been treated with groM H 
So he pens a short note to a holy physician. 
And gives h'lm a rather unholy commissiun. 
Viz., to mix np some arsenic and ale in a. cup, 
Which the chaneea are Tynel may find and d 
Sure eaongb, on the very next maming. Sir \ 
Perceives, in his waits, this some cun on the i 
: feels rather thirsty, he's jiisl about drin 
When Mua Faneit in tears comes in ruuningl 
He pauses of course, and as she's thirsty too. 
Says very politely, ' Miss, I after von ! ' 
The young lady curtsies, and being So dry. 
Raises somehow her fair litlle finger so liigh. 
That (here's not a drop left him to ' wet t^h 
While the dose is so strong, to his grief and a 
She merely says. ' Thankee, Sir Waller." and 
At that moment the King, who is' riding to c 
Pops in Ol pn»«in( on (be desperate lover, 
Who has i-ow'd. not five minutia before, to trn 
- -So he does,'-he just palls out his arrow and r 
From tho alreuglh of his arm, and the force of 
The Rod-bearded Ruvcr fulls flat on hie nose : 
And Sir Waller, thus having concluded his i] 
Walks down to the foot-lights, and dram 
' Ladies and tientlemen. 

Lend sober lives ;— 
Don 'I meddle with other folks' Sweethearts or 
When yon go out a-i^iorting, take eare of yot 
And — never shoot elderly people in fun 1 ' 


MISS MARIE SHGNOT was a nice littl 
Her Uncle a Cuuk. and a Liondress 1 
And she loved as dearly as any one can 
Mister Lagardie, a nice little man. 

But oh I But oh I Story of wne ! 
A sad interlnpcr. one Monsieur Modeau 

Ugly and old. With plenty of gold. 

hhdfl his approach In an elegant coach 
Her fancy was ctiurm'd with the Eplendonr on 
And he bore off the false-hearted Molly Migi 

Monsieur Modeau was craiy and old. 
And Afonsienr Modeau caught a terrible Cold 
His nose was stufl'd and his throat was sore, 
He hod physic hy Ihe quart and Doctors by tf 

TTiey sent aauills. And pills. And very 
And all they could do did not make him get i 
lie sounded his M's and his N.'s like an L. 

A shocking bad cough At last took hin 
And Milter Lagardie, her former yoimg bean, 
Came a-courting again the young Widow Moi 

Mister Logardie, to Eain him fclat, 
Had cot the Cook's shop, and foUow'd the la* 
And when Monsieur Modeau sot out on hii jo 
Was an Articled Clerk to a Siirclal AttonMT. 

He gave her a coll On tiie day of a but 
To which she'd invited the court, camp, and I 

" ' ' ir dear Lagardio ' Again was t( 

Was wife of the ilarshal Lord Maiquia Ihnol 

Mister Lagardie was shock'd at the news, 
And went and enlisted at once in the Bines. 

The Marquis Dinot Felt a Uttle so >o- 
Took physic, grew worse, and had notia to j 
He died, and was shelved, and his Lady so p 
Smiled again on Lagardie now placed on fd 
A Swedi^ Field-Marshal with a guinea a da 

'When an old Ex-Eing Jxei show'd ha 
To be Queen, she conceiv'd, was a very final 

But the King tum'd a tlonk. And I« 

And said to the Ladv with a deal of ill-breed 

' Von may go to the d — ! and 111 po to Sw 

Thus between Ihe two stools. Like some i 

Her Ladyship found Hei^lf plump on U 

So she cried, and she stamp'd, and she sent b 

And she drove to a convent, and never came 


Wives. Maidens, and Widows, attend to my I 

If a fine moral lesson you'd draw froni a pUy 

To Ihe Hayroarket go. And sm .Van's 

Miss Kellv plav» Marie, and Williams Mode 

Mrs Glover and Viuing Are reaUy quit 

And though Tbonipsan tot a Matqnii 

Has almost loo (oneh careaa 




itga tliDrB, Rnd thtTHl hnch jtn tba ginilt 
BDg and ogling, and plnjJnK the jilf. 
inllon awhile, but at last tbej get spilt) 
|hiU; Mignot Bfhaocd tmtme il/aut, 
tlie Ijiwrer nor Marauti Dinot, 
It'er been a'ntia. whate tiae tctj ban] ii, 
leUior of bulf-a-d^orc little LagardiM. 


E little Demons have broken loose 
in the National School below I 
(are rt!«al<red to plar truant to-dar. 

f primer and date Uiej have cast away. 

^awsf, iwajp. tbc7 gol 

fD' bojB 1 hey boj* 1 up no we I 

ko R> merry as we three ? ' 

Df that most u^prool pit, 

K'oful aouls ate Blewiiig, 
ck, that in vicniag it, 

II to ODG but jou'd aak ttith surprise 
Bt columm met your eyes, 

I Old Nick «.bre«iQK ? ' 
Wae Ihrea little Deiiis repair, ■ 
It by Gt«am to the nppenuost air. 
I got hold of a wandeiiog star 
— " ' .e within Uil- 

bnuiks 1 Oh the pranks ! 

try pranks. Uie luad pranks, 

Dtt wicked nrchius play 1 

B the Virgin and fiU'd her with di«id ; 

f'i the 8cor2non into bci bed ; 

10 the pitcher of poor Agiiariai, 

I the arrows of Bagltliriu: 

ftimm'd the mOtu Way. 

Ittie Stala with sulphur full, 

toed the Dog-Star on at the Jiatl. 

1^ themselves with the noise. 

lit the Lion On poor Orton ; 

diaved all the hair Off tbe Lumr Bcart 

Wk'd the shins Of the Oemini Twint— 

lanly Siamna Boys 1 — 

inch confuiion and wrack, 

(pduced in the Zodiac I- 

- „ [d07 , 

Wt go round, round. rDund ! ' 

gambol, and scruiuble. and tear, 

I'they arrire at the uethermott air. 

BOW wliat were these DovOetx cill'd ? 

H little Fiends TO gay! 

mCnhl Another was Jlfot.' 

id the least was yunng ChittalnA I 

Bdeiils were they 1 

W the strongest. Mob was tbe wrongest, 

Hail wa< the Gneit and longest 1 

fl Irglieiome Impa, 1 ween, 

i tc\( hath aeMom seen. 

Hountain, orer Fell. 

r Fountain, inoEsy DeU. [Land ; 

tliUnd, biuTSD Strand, Otdt Ocean, over 

muA boimd. and iqncilu and cqualli, 

pead. and bead over becU; 

En and twbtiagi. and twirls and whecleriei, 

I drop tt tbe gate uf the Tuiieria. 

nre buwing and making legs 

Hey U Bot was bolting eggs : 

' aays CSA, ' Chiltahoh,' says Muh. 

0, yoo yoong Devil, ite'n in for a Job ! ' 

[mind alltneir jaw AboutCharlernDdLaw, 


■tps CM t« tbe Mannrdi'R ear, 

■■>.'"?■ ■ 

P&eir IB 
as well stdl be the Oomit eCArtou 
ingi Bhow 'em youVe King, 
.oanea. that's the thlagl ' 
Ltd, "Took his pen and sien'd : 
1 ovDT his tbriine Irom behind I 
! wc may scamper now ! 
■>e kick'd up a jolly good row I 

Over, wt. Oa lo Dover ; 

On Fun intent, AU through Kent 
TheH miecbieTOus devils so taemly went. 
Over bill and over dale. 

Sunken hollow, lofty ridge. 
Frowning cliff, and smiling vale, 
Down to tbe foot of Westminster-bridge. 

■Hollo.' says C'<fr, ' There's tbe Duke and Sir Bob 
After 'em, Chitlabob, after "em Mob." 
Mob flung grave], and Clilttabob pebbles. 
His Grate c d Ihem both for a couple of rebels ; 

His feelings were hurt By the stonei and the 

In went ha In an ecstosr, [dirt- 

And bletr up the nobles of high degree. 

' Mr Bruughaiii, Mr Bume, May fret and mi 

And so may all you wbom T see in this room ; 
Coiue weal, come woe, come calm, come stomi — 
I'll see you all — Uess'd — ore I gSre yon rcEomi.' 
' Bravu 1 ' says Chiltaliob, ' That s your sort, 
Come along, scLoolfeUons, here's more sport, ptfay'i! 

Look there ! look there ! Thores the great Lard 
With the gravest of Deputies close to bit chair 1 

With Hobter, bis Clerk I Just the thing for a lark : 
Ilazzahl huzzah ! buys follow me now ; 
Here we may Mek up another good row.' 

Here tbey are. Swift as a itar, 
Ther shoot in mid air, over Temple Bar t 

'Tom MacaaUy beheld the flight 
Of these three little dusky sous of night. 
And his heart swell'd with jov and elation — 

' Ob, see I ' qnoth be, • those Niggerlingt three. 
Who have just got eraancipa/ton .' ' 

Lord Key took fright ! At tbe very Hist sight. 
The whole Court of Aldennea wbeel'd to the right ; 
Some ran from CAJrfdfol.— more from Mtii. 
The (p-eat lotum tenfua jnmp'd up npon Cob, 

Who roar'd oiid ran With the Alderman 
To the Hduic Office, pick-a-back — catch 'em who can ! 

■ Stay at home — here's a plot, And I can't toll 
you what. 

If you don't, m be shot, Bulyoullalt gotopot. 
\b. little bo wcen'd, while the ground he thui ran over, 
Tn-aa a Coh be bestrode— not his white horse from 

Bark they came galloping through the Stianil, 
When Juacph Lancaster ttiek in hand, 
Popp'd up his head before 'cm. 

Well we know. That honest old Joe, 
Is a sort of High Matter down below. 
And teaches tbe Imps decorum. 
Satan bod started him off in a crack. 
To flog these three little nmawayi back. 

Fear each araaUs ; Evcrr one qnails ; 

dear I bow hell tickle oiir Dttle black tails I 

Have done, hare done. Here's that ion of a g 
Old Jiie, come after ns, — run, boys, ran." 

M ran CWi, OB ran Mob. 
And off in a fright ran jouiig ChfUalMb : 

J^e caught Chitlabob juH by tbe toil. 
And Coll by his cmmpled bnro ; 

Bitterly thcn'did these Inipi bewiiil. 
That ever they weio born ! 

!UJ> g»t Bway, But none to thk day 

'W exactly wliitber be went : 
Bome say he's been seen about Blackfriar's-btidge, 
And some say he's down in Kent. 

But where'er he may room. 

He has nut rmlured home 

Since the day tbe three tod wing. 
And many suppose 
He has ctianged his clothes. 

And now goes by the name of • Sicituj' 


stands the Poplar, so tall and so stately. 
On wbonB tender rmil—'lwaaa little one then — 
We carved her inilial ; though not very lately — 
We think in the year eighteen hundred and ten. 

Tcf. here is tlie which proelaim'd Oourgiaua ; 
Our beart'a empress then ; see, 'tis grown all askew ; 
nd it's not without grief wo nvrfurce entertun a ■ 
Conviction, it now hnJu much uiore like a Q. 

This should be the groat D too, that once iljlnd for 
Har loved patronymic— oh 1 can il he w? [Di^bhiu, 

It's onee (air proportions, time, lou, has been ruhliingj ' 
AD?— woTlboIAjedil it isn't m 01 

Alas I how the sool sentimental i( vexes, 
That thus on our hibonrs stem CArunot should frown, 

Should change our soft liqnids to iuords and Xce, 
And torn tme-lore's alphabet all upiido down I 

■Uien script* nunrt-'—OLp Sivr. 

ANOTHER minling, day 1 
Of clearing np there's no appearance ; 
So 111 sit down without delay. 
And here, at Icut, I'll make a clearance t 

Oh, ne'er ' on such a day as this,' 
Would Dido with her woes oppressed 

Have woo'd Mncu bttck b> bliss. 
Or Troltus gone to huii for Cressid I 

One from my Cousin Sophy Daw — 
Fall of Aunt Margery's distresses ; 

From Sam, ' The Chancellor's motto,'- _ 
Confound bis pons, he knows I hate 'em ; 

■ Pre Hego, Lege. Grcge,' — Ay, 

' For £mg read Mob '. ' Bruaghnni's old errof uti 

From Seraphim Prici 

' Till (hen I can't, my dearest John, rtir ; ' 
Two more because I did not go. 

Beginning ' Wretch ' and ■ Faitblea Monster I ' 

■ Deab Sm, — 

■ This morning Mrs. P , 

Who's doing quite as well as may be, 
Friaeufcd me at half -past three. 
Precisely, with another baby. 

' Well name it John, and know with pleasure 
TonTI stand ' — Five guineas more, conlound H I — 

I wisb they'd call it Nebncluducziar. 
Or thrown it in tbe Thames and dronn'd h. ., 

What have we next? A ciril Dnn : 
■John Broiwn would take it as a tarour - 

Another and a snrlior one, 
' 1 can't put up with n'^ hehariour.' 

• Bill so long standing,'- ■ quite tired ont,'- 
• Most sit down to luiist on payment.' 

■ Call'd ten times,'— Here's a fuss about 

A few coats, waistcoats, and small tnimeatq 

For once 111 send an answor, and in- 
form Mr Sd ip he needn't ■ call ' so ; 

But when bis bill's as ' tired of standing ' 
As he is, beg 'twill ' tit down iLki.' 

This from my rich old Uncle Ned, 
Thanking mc for my annua! nreeent ; 

And saying be last Tuesday weO 
Hia cook-maid, Molly — vastly pleasant 1 

An ill-spelt note [ram Tom at school. 

Begging ni let him learn the fiddle t 
AnoUirr from thai precious fool. 

Miss Pyefinch. with this stnpid riddle 


•DVegiTeitap?' Indecdldol 
CSmroaiid theie antiqnated minxes ; 

I wan*t play * BiUjf Black* to a * Blue; 
Or GSoipos to such old Sphinxes. 

A note sent iip from Kent to sh^w me, 
Left with mj bailiff, Peter King ; 

( rU bom them precious stacks down, blow me I 
* Tours most sincerely, 

*Captaik Swixo.' 

Foot begging letters with petitions, 

One from mj sister Jane to pray 
m execute ' a few commissions ' 

In Bond Street, ' when I go that way.' 

' And buy at Pearsal*s in the City 
Twelve d^eins of silk for netting purses ; 

Colour no matter, so it s pretty ; — 
Two hundred pens ' — two hundred curses ! 

From Mistress Jones : * Mr little Billy 

Goes up his schooling to begin. 
Will you just step to Piccadilly, 

And meet him when the coach comes in ? 

' And then, perhaps, you will as well see 
The poor dear fellow safe to school 

At Dr. Smith*s in Little Chelsea ! ' 
Heaven send he flog the little fool I 

From Lady Snooks : * Dear Sir, you know 
Tou promised me last week a bebus ; 

A something smart and apropos. 
For my new Album ? ' — Aid me Phoebus ! 

My first is followed by my second ; 

Yet should my first my second see, 
A dire mishap it would be reckoned. 
And sadly shocked my first would be. 

* Were I but what my whole implies, 

And pass'd by chance across your portal, 
You'd cry, " CtLD. I believe my eyes ? 
I never saw so queer a mortal ! ** 

* For then my head would not be on, 

My arms their shoulders must abandon ; 
My very body would be goue, 
I should not have a leg to stand on.* 

Come, that's despatch*d — what follows ? — Stay, 

Beform demanded by the nation — 
Vote for Tagrag and Bobtail I ' Ay, 
By Jove, a blessed Beformntion ! 

Jack, clap the saddle upon Rose — 
Or, no I — the filly — she's the fle.ter ; 

The devil take the rain — ^here goes, 
I'm off — a plumper for Sir Peter ! 


A FRIEND I met some half -hour since— 
* Oood-morrow, Jack V quoth I ; 
The new-made Knight, like any Prince, 

Frown*d, nodded, and nass'd by ; 
When up came Jem — * Sir John, your Slave / ' 

' Ah, James ; we dine at eight — 
Fail not— (low bows the supple knave) 
Don't make my lady wait. 

The Kine can do no wrong ? As I'm a sinner. 
He's spoilt an honest tradesman and my dinner. 

rris not the lack of fi;old, father, 

Nor want of worldly gear ; 
My linds are broad, and fair to see. 

My friends are kind and dear. 
My kin are Ijal and true, father. 

They mourn to see my grief ; 
But, oh I tis not a kinsman's hand 

Can give my heart relief! 

'Tis not that Janet's false, father, 

'Tis not that she's unkind ; 
Though busy Hatterers swarm around, 

I know her constant mind. 
Tis not her coldness, father. 

That chills my labouring breast ; 
It's that confounded cuctmiber 

I've eat and can't digest 



THERE sits a bird on yonder tree, 
More fond than Cushat Dove ; 
There sits a bird on yonder tree, 

And sings to me of love. 
Oh ! stoop thee from thine eyrie down ! 
And nestle thee near my heart. 
For the moments fly. And the hour is nigh, 
When thou and I must part, 

My love ! 
When thou and I must part. 


In yonder covert Ixurks a Fawn, 

The pride of the Sylvan scene ; 
In vender covert lurks a Fawn, 

And I am his only queen : 
Oh ! bound from thy secret lair. 

For the sun is below the west ; 
Nor mortal eye May our meeting spy. 
For all are closed in rest, 

My love ! 
Each eye is closed in rc&t 


Oh I sweet is the breath of mom, 

When the sun's first beams appear ; 
Oh ! sweet is the shepherd's stram, 

When it dies on the list'nine ear ; 
And sweet the soft voice which speaks 
The Wanderer's welcome home; 
But sweeter far By yon pale mild star, 
With our true love thus to roam, 

My dear I 



THERE'S somewhat on my breast, father, 
There's somewhat on my breast ! 
The livelong day I sigh, father. 

And at nightl cannot rest. 
I cannot take my rest, father. 
Though I would fain do so , 
A weaiy weight oppresseth me — 
This weary weigM of woe ! 

BRAVE L — , so says a knight of the pen, fmen : ' 
* Has exposed himself much at the head of his 
As his men ran away without waiting to fight. 
To expose himself there's to be first in the flight. 
Had it not been as well, when he saw his men ^uail, 
To have stay'd and exposed himself more at their tail ? 
Or say, is it' fair, in this noblest of quarrels, 
To suffer the chief to engross all the laurels ? 
No I his men, so the muse to all Europe shall sing. 
Have exposed themseves fuUy as much as their king. 



\ 1 /HAT Horace says is, 
VV Eheu fugacts 
Anni lahuntur, Portumey Poetume! 
Years glide away, and are lost to me, lost to me ! 
Xow, when the folks in the dance sport their merry 
Taglionis and Ellslers, Duvernays and Ceritos, [toes, 
Sighing I munnur, * milti prxteritos ! ' 


J rpiS sweet to think the pure etheretl 
I Whose mortal form reposes with 
Still hovers round unseen, yet not nnseeii 
Benignly smiling o'er the mourner's be^ 

She comes in dreams, a thing of light mni 
I hear her voice, in still, small accents 1 

Of reidms of bliss, and never-fading brigl 
Where those who loved on earth togeu 

Ah ! yet a while, blest shade, thy flight d 
The kindred soul with mystic conTane 

To her rapt gaze, in visions bland, dispUj 
The unearthly glories of thy happier S| 

Tet, yet remain ! till freed like thee, dsBj 
She spurns the thraldom of enctixnbarii 

Then, as on earth, in tend*rest love nnitai 
Together seek the realms of endlesi di 


AS I lave a-thynkvnge, a-thynkyngi^ 
Merrie sang the Birde as we sat iqN 
There came a noble Knyghte, 
With his hauberke shynynee briglitf 
And his gallant heart was Ijghtb^ 
Free and gaye ; 
As I laye a-thynkynge, he rode opon his ^ 

As I laye a-thynkynge, a-thynkynge^ Ml 
Sadly sang the Birde as she sat upon the 1 
There seem*d a crimson plain, 
Where a gallant Knyghte lay slayn^ 
And a steed with broken rein 
Ran free. 
As I laye a-tliynkygne, most pitiful to 

As I laye a-thynkynge, a-thynkynge^ a-tl 
Merrie sang the Birde as she sat npon tlie 
A lovely Mayde came bye. 
And a gentil youth was nyghe, 
And he breathed many a ifghiB 
And a vowe ; 
As I laye a-thynkynge, her hearte was gli 

As I laye a-thynkynge, a-thynkynge, a-il 
Sadly sang the Birde as she sat npoa the 
No more a youth was there. 
But a Maiden rent her baire, 
And cried in sad despaire, 
< That I was borne I* 
As I laye a-thynkynge, she perished foiic 

As I laye a-thynkvnge, a-thynkynge, e-tl 
Sweetly sang the ^i^e as she sat npai 11 
There came a lovely Childe, 
And his face was meek and mild, 
Yet joyously he smiled , 

On his sire ; 
As I laye a-thynkynge, a Chemb mole lA 

But I laye a-thynkynge, Si-ihjukfBp, a ti 
And sadly sang the Birde as it pereii*d vfn 
That ioyous smile was gone, 
And the face was white and wan, 
As the do^-ne upon the Swan 
Doth appear. 
As I laye a-thyukynge— oh I bitter flovV 

As I laye a-thynkynge, the golden 
merrie sang that Birde as it gUtter'd 
With a thousand gorgeous dyes. 
While soaring to Uie skies, 
'Mid the stars she serm'd to rise, 
As to her nest ; 
As I lave a-thynkynge, her meaning 
* I'ollow, follow me away, 
It boots not to delay,' — 
'Twas so she secm'd to saye, 
' Here is best ! ' 



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