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Judy, Or the 

London Serio-comic Journal 



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LONDON: 
PUBLISHED BY THE PROPRIETOB, AT 78, FLEET STREET, E.G. 

1876. 



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„^RV»f!n COLLEGE LIP"*"^ 

FROM 

THE BE(.-.£ST OF 

EVERT iANStN fe DELL 

t9l 



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The follomng^ uritten expressly for this Publication by an eminent Parisian Jottrnalist, has been rendered into English by an 

eminent Dramatic Adipter : — 
TT is night! 

A We are on the Folkfitone platform of the Sonth-Easter. What do we see ? A form — tall, noble, aristocraticj 
with the enormoas front tooth and the flaxen whisker. Aristocratic, silent, sad ! A sufferer from the malady 
nniversal in this dreary land of eternal fog — the splean ! 

It is lord Babbb Temple, returning to his chateau upon the Strand, overlooking the broad green fields of 
Lincoln. Where has he come from ? Ask me not. He has been everywhere, seeking to escape from this splean 
inevitable, omnipresent ! He has been everywhere, and everywhere has written his name, as is the custom of the 
English nobleman upon his travels. Seek for it, if you will, upon the Bridge of Sighs, upon the Leaning Tower of 
Pisa, up the Matterhom, all over the Vatican, at the top of the Pyramids, under a yellow label placed there by 
Slopaire, his compatriot, who had preceded him, advertising his " Kalendar," now world-famed ! 

But at length he is weary even of his own name, and has returned home, yet a victim to this splean 
inscrutible ! Terrible, but true ! 

But yet another figure paces the platform, sad and silent ! Again an aristocrat. Again a victim to'this 
splean inevitable ! It is Sir Jenkinson. Owner of millions, dweller in the Belgrav Squar. Rich, young, beautiful, 
but weary to the death. 

The train is about to start. Yet another figure ! Small, plebeian — a newspaper boy. The aristocrats have 
taken their places in the same carriage before they see the boy ; then they call to him together, — " P-s-s-s-s-t ! " 

He arrives. " Have you Judbb ? '* they demand of him in one breath. Misfortune ! he has'but one ! 

" It is mine !" they both cry simultaneously. Both throw to him^the money. Both snatch at the paper. 
The train starts. 

"It is mine!" 

" Pardon me, it is mine ! " 

" Give it up ! *' cries lord Barre Temple, in a voice of thunder. 

" Never ! *' cries Sir Jenkinson, in anather voice of thunder, and his eyes light up with the malignant fire of 
deadly hate. No other words are spoken. It is to be the Boxo — the Boxe to the death ! 

A terrible encounter ensues ! Fearful blows are dealt on either side ! The purple blood of the High 
Aristocrasy soaks into the cushions ! The teeth of the High Aristocrasy are scattered about like crumbs round a 
dinner-table! An eye ii to be found on one seat and an ear on another, did any one car^to look for those articles ; 
but nobody has time. 

Fearful, sanguinary struggle — long-enduring ! Then silence — the silence of the grave j! 

Then the faint rustle of paper. Then a low chuckle. Then a loud burst of laughter. What does it mean ? 

Nothinj^ itrange or unusual in this nation of eccentricities. It is lord Babre Temple, who, having killed 
his antagonist aad thrown him out upon the platform at the terminus, goes upon his way reading his Jddkb — 
reading the one and only really Gomie Jourtial in the world, and already the first page has cured him of the splean 
malady — g<HmtMj meorable, yet occasionally eva^i^gcent. 



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Bit of * SquAU (A), 228. 
Cat*8 Pftw (The), 206. 
Chziflti«n and Turk, 126. 
CoUaxMe, 76. [44. 

Deal of Busdnff, but litUe Mischief (A), 
Eztraordinarr Outrage on the Sea Coast, 
158, 



AcademicaL 108. 

All bis Vtmlt, 11. 

AUtbe Difference. 154. 

Axvument (Tbe), 82. 

Alt of Curing (Ibe), 109. 

Bar Toung Lady (Tbe), 80. 

Beauties and Beasts, 110. 

Beginning and tbe End (Tbe), S. 

Boodlebjrs Micbaelmas Goose, 285. 

BooUess Errand (A), 128. 

Bo-Peep, 8. 

Cbanoe for Some One (A), 41. 

Cbarity, 144. 

Coffee-room Fiend (Tbe), 7. 

Connubial Bliss, 82. 

Derby (Art Enterprise at the), 68. 

Derby Day, 61. 

Derby Prophecies (Judy's), 70. 

Derby (Smith at the), 72. 

Derby Tips, 71. 

DomesUe Incident (AV245. 

Drawinff Room. 1876 (The), 174. 

Dress like a Gentleman on the Cheap 

(How to), 182. 
EdwiB and Angelina, 64. 
Encore des BItisest 100. 
Exiract fh>m a Seaside NotsI. 105. 
Extracts fmm Novels (Naomi Jones), 231. 
Fishing (A DAy's), 88. 
" Powf" Play (A Bit of), 148. 
French Sentiment adapted to English 

Taste, 120. 
Giant KUler (The). 28. 
Qood Husband (The), 254.* 



Another ETentful Day, 148. 
Arm-Chair and ttlppers, 122, 182. 
At LasrSftS. 

Badgerby's Brutal Behaviour, 165. 
Baok Holiday (A Romance of tbe), 74. 
Beauties of a Bank Holiday, 184. 
Bewailirgs from Buxton, 185. 
BigThteg_(A), 176. 
Blighted BeUcver (The). 154. 
Buckingham (The Latest from), 246. 
Business Announcement, 64. 
Camellia (Tbe Confessions of a), 51. 
"Champagne" Charity and another 

Charity does not Begin at Home, 288. 

Circumstantial Eridenoe, 74. 

Conne cf True Love (Tbe), 99. 

" Crack " iTbe Curious Story of a), 62. 

Crimes and Disasters, 9, 19. 

Danvers (Mr. Edwin), 94. 

Deform Club (Tbe), 184. 

Departures from Town. 176. 

Derby Alphabet ('Arry s), 68. 

Derby Tips, 68. 

Diogrnes (A Chance for). 109. 

Dog Davs, a Drama (The), 118. 

Evster Offerings, 19. 

" ExpIosiTes Act " ;Tbe), 144. « 

French Actor Mania (The), 94. 

F^m our Own Wykehamite, 184. 

Gardening (Remarks on), 80. 

Giving it a Name, 256. 



Atroettiea in Bulgaria (The), 191. 
Cab d the Period (The), 87. 
Castanet (The Street), 258. 
Change, 19. 

End of the Season (Tbe), 287. 
Evening Hour, 186. 
FlMbionable Tragedy (A), 74. 
George Anderson, my Jo» 17. 



C A RTOO N 8. 



Finis Coronat Opus, 188. 

For their Mutual Dis-advantage, 106. 

Friend very much in Need (A), 4. 

Getting the Worst of It. 178. 

Greenwich Showman (The), 218. 

Improbable Starters, 66. 

Irish Debaters, 14. 

EN Q R A 

Good Judge Too (A). 114. 

Half a Column of the " Times," 122. 

Hard Cases, 94. 

Hard on Some One, 225. 

Hastings — En route tu the Lover's Seat, 
206. 

Heaster 'oUdays, 7. 

He-Haw, 185. 

Hen and Ducklings, 205. 

How it Pays, 244. 

How they do it There, 175. 

Humph ! 124. 

" 111 Smite you with a Feather ! " 246. 

Illustrated Literature, 186. 

Impercnce, 156. 

lu Re *' Tbe Dual (hurments,** 256. 

Irish "Times" (The), 84. 

" If s a Poor Heart ^at never Rejoices,'* 
52. 

Judy's Lunatic Contributor :— 
On Sporting Intelligence, 247. 
On "The First," 215. 

Lancashire and Bulgaria. 258, 

Latest from the Moors. 196. 

Latest from the Seaside, 226. 

Leap Tear, 22. 

Left in London, 162. 

Little Bit of Business (The), 62. 

Little Flornr's Lonely Walk, 212. 

UttJe Holiday (The), 202. 

Little Incident down a Dark Lane (A), 47. 

Localities got their Names (How cer- 
tain), 89, 149. 

LubOy's Legs, 129. 



Making an Honest Penny, 240. 

Neptune in a Passion, 54. 

Not to be Caught. 168. 

One Himdreth 4th of July (The), 116. 
j On the Alert, 186. 

I Perilous Ascent to Popuhffity (A), 198. 
1 Progress of Letters (llie), 86. 

VINOS. 

M'Nab of that Ilk, 172. 

More about Bogueys, 180. 

More Home Rule, 1. 

Nice Prospect (A). 79. 

Non-Rinkoniaus, 12. 

Odd Bits, 42. 

Oh. Bother ! 134. 

Old Boguey, 48. 

Old Proverbs told Anew, 73. 

One for his Nob, 2U. 

One of the Six Htmdred, 104. 

One Thinur and the Other, 112. 

One Way of Looking at It, 98. 

On Love as a Passion. 150. 

On Woman as a Merciless Animal, 192. 

Out of tbe Frying Pan, etc., i66. 

Out of Town, 158, 168. 

Passing Events, 140. 

Passing Fancier, 58. 

Passing in Review. 188. 

Peter at it Again, 22. 

ProxMr Example Thrown Away (A), 118. 

Question (The), 216. 

Hawkins's Repairing Lease, 18. 

Right Light on tbe Eastern (Question 
(The). 247. 

Rinki phobia. 50. 

Ruth : a Tale when (}eorge III. was 
King. 257. 

Same with a Difference (Tbe), 21. 

Scientific Scruffles' Non -explosive Pow- 
ders, 81. 

Seaside Trip (A). 204. 

" Second Thoughts are Best," 264. 



' Real Qtiestiou iTbe), 2t)0. 
' Save Him from his Friends. 96. 
1 School "Board" of the Future (The), 
146. 

United Action of the Opposition, 24. 

Welcome Home, 84. 

What It must Come To, 250. 



Servants (How we Managed without), 

228. 
Set«f Five Bells (A), 176, 
Sloper, Ally :— 

Tackles the Eastern Difficulty, 92. 
Stoiy without a Moral (A), 10. 
Strange. 119. 
Suburnan English, 142. 
Suggestion for the Seaside "Cad" (A), 

Tailor V. Cloth. 88. 

That Young Lady's Wedding Tour in 

Italy, 182, 194, 214. 
Tbe Truth, 288. 
" The Way we live Now," 164. 
They Shrank from the Eyes o Men, 287. 
Tls Well. 258. 
Too bad of Him. 236. 
Transfusion, 263. 
True Permissive Legislation, 51. 
Two Poor Little Prisoners, 60. 
Two Totmg J^ersons in Service, and their 

Tight Dresses, 19L 
Unwise Geese (The), 232. 
Very Ck>mmon Objects just now at the 

Seaside, 165. 
Virtues not Cardinal :— 

Friendship, 102. 

Selectiveuess, 20. 
What we are Cknning To, 248. 
When you go to Roam, etc., 40. 
Woman, 80. 

Work of Art for the Academy, 1877, 57. 
Ye Merrio Jeste, 152. 



PRO 

Gouty Contributor (Our) : — 

Buxton (At\ 288. 

Gravesend (At), 262. 

Hanogate(At), 88. 189. 

BenieBayrAt), 201, 211. 

Margate (At), 226. 
Great Pictxire Robbery (Tbe). 101. 
Growl frcm a GrousA Moor (A), 186. 
Hobys and the Slowbys (Tbe\ 156. 
How tbe R. O'Binsons Fared, 225. 
Huf>band'8 Rigbts'Assodation (The), 258. 
Improving our Song Literature, 9. 
•• It's an 111 Wind that." etc., 181. 
Judy among the Pictures, 52. 
Judy Office (Tbe Doing Up of the), 29. 
Judy to the Whole World, 1. 
" Kalendar " (Conceining the), 204. 
Meetings for tbe Ensuing Week, 87. 
More Weather Notes, 1. 
Mottoes for Lodging-house Keepers, 288. 
Muffin's LitUe Mistake. 285. 
Mysterious Business (A), 211. 
New Measure (Tbe), 224. 
Nightcap Fssays. 2, 31. 
Nothing New. 255. 
Nursery Morals, 28, 48, 90, 110, 180, 192, 

282, 254. 
Nursery Sermons, 8. 
" Ong Continong." 258. 
Only Jones (Tbe), 17, 21, St, 49, 52, 81, 

114. 141, 171. 256. 
Parliamentary Notices, May, 1880, 82. 



8E. 

Phis and Needles, 82, 101, 231, 246. 

Political Town Councillors. 236. 

Poor Little Pigeon (Terrible Tale of a), 84. 

Potboiler (The Story of a), 11. 

Prince's Return (The). 41. 

" Q " in tbe Coiner. 10. 19, 29. 40. 50. 59, 

72, 78, 91, 102. 111. 119, 129. 189, 144. 

174, 181, 185. 106, 214, 215, 284, 248. 
"Quite the Ticket," 47. 
Remarkable Revelation (A). 216. 
Robertson Theatre (The Royal), 64. 
Roebuck (Bravo, Mr.). 221. 
Royal Academy (Judy at theX 27, 89. 
Sad Story (A), 183. 
Sad Stoiy of a Steak (Tbe), 206. 
Sad Warning (A\ 155. 
Sea Serpent (Ibe). 49. 
Seasonable Correspondence, 21. 
Peat of War (Tbe), 185. [64. 

Sensation Scene in Tittletat Terrace (A), 
Sensational Incident (A>, 171. 
Settling the (^lestion, 214. 
Short Mems. for Short Memories. 7, 17. 

SO, 87. 42, 57. 79, 90. 98, 104, 119, 129, 

141, 152, 166. 175, 194, 201, 205, 221, 

244. 247, 268. 
Signs of the Times, 164. 
Silver Streak (The), 214. 
Slocum Podger (Important from), 162. 
Society of Painters in Water Colours, 42. 
Such is Life, 124. [221. 

Sweet Sentiment for the Seaside Season, 



Good Old Story (A). 70. 

Holiday Question (The), 204. 
' Homoology, 156. 

Horse to JSaok (The Riffht). 61. 

Lady's Presentiment (The). 149. 

Lily of Seventy-six (The), 2. 

LitUe Missie to Great Sir Robert, 288. 
1 Lowe, M.P. (Robert), 89. 



POETRY. 



Maiden's Offer. 1876 (Tbe). 99. 
Now Old Fa^on (The), 12. 
Out of Towii, 158. 
Pitee de Resbtanee (A), 216. 
Pierless Mumte, 104. 
Rattletrap Rhyme (Another), 27. 
Right Horse to Back (The), 61. 
Song, 79, 111. 



Sloper, Ally :- 

Among tbe Murderers, 193. 

" Comic Kalendar, 1877." 223. 

Ck)unty-CoUi-t Proceedings, 151. 

Deeds of Darkness, 243. 

Derby Day iTbe), 69. 

Gross Outnure, 183. 

Haunts of (Tbe), 233. 

Impudent Robbery. 91. 

Original Bashful Baeouk (The), 259. 

Prison Fare, 173. 

Remarkable Incident, 111. 

Romeo and Juliet. 121. 

Royal Academy, 59. 

Successful Revival (His), 218. 

Suicide (His), 203. 

Teetotalers' F6te at the CrjBtal 
Palace (The). 131. 

Teetotal Mysteries, 141. 

Wardrobe (His), 255. 

Wumpey Super, 161. 
Tale of a Tea-Rose (Tbe), 264. 
Terrible Tale (A). 195. 
That is the (Question, 288. 
Things not lo generally Known, 246. 
Thumb Marks. 41, 79, 178, 176, 224, 268. 
Very Likely, 255. 

What are the Wild Waves Saying, 155. 
Why they weren't There. 82. 
Wickedness at Wursel Farm, 108. 
Wiunpsy, 81. 



Straight Tip (The). 70. 
Street Oitanet (Tbe\ 258. 
Substitute for the Sea (AX 124. 
Temple (hardens (The ChUdren in the), 

109. 
Wail from Wumpsy (A), 178. 
"Walker," 12. 
Wrong (Quarter (The), 57. 



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JUDY. 



JUDY TO THE WHOLE WORLD. 



JUDY tmstB yon are well and happy, as it leaves her at present. 
With these lines Judy begins npon her Nineteenth Volume, 
which will, if possible, surpass the other eighteen that have gone 
before in the exuberance of its wit and hnmour. Judy takes 
this opportunity of 
hoping that her young 
men will go on doing 
their utmost, without 
making unreasonable 
and inconsiderate de- 
mands for an increase 
of salary. 

Whilst still retaining 
the brightest stars in her 
firmament, Judy has 
contracted with a few 
new stars of dazzling 
brilliancy, who will 
twinkle occasionally, and 
their twinklings being 
kept anonymous, the 
generous public will be 
at liberty to wonder who 
they are as much as it 
likes, on payment of 



Some Weather Kotes for 

the Honth. 
Apr, 1. — CharmiDg chibge 
. in the weather. Spring has 
come. Orerooats left off. 

Apr. 4. — Glorious day. 
Sonshine radiant. Umbrellas 
unneoeasarj. 

Apr. 5. — Fires extin- 
guished. The Toiee of the 
* ' Any-bomaments-for - yer- 
firestoye " woman is heard. 
Also the CQckoo • eaekles, 
and the innocent spelling- 
bee hams. 

Apr, 8. — ^Heat insup- 
portable. And the dnst 1 
Phew I Why don*t they 
send out the water-carts ? 

Apr. 9.— Announcements 
relating to seaside appear 
on the hoardiogs. People 
begin to talk aboat **last 
winter.'* 

Apr. 10. — Sunshine still 
bright, but a fouppon of 
east wind. Hullo I Some- 
thing wrong T 



twopence weekly, for the undisputed enjoyment of this 

privilege. 
Slopes has been re-engaged (he was sent away last Saturday) , 

and he will contioue to wear his old clothes, at his own desire. 

There is somehow 
something sad about 
beginning a New 
Volume, particularly 
when it is the nineteenth, 
and Judy fe^ half in- 
clined to shed a tear. 
When another six 
months have passed 
away, Judy will of 
course be still the Ever 
Young and Lovely, but 
she will be no longer in 
her teens. 

However, this cannot 
be helped. Everybody 
else gets old (except her 
Editor), and she herself 
enjoys |plendid health, 
and has, a ma^nific^t 
circulation. 



^_ , ' L'MORE HOME RULE. 

ffarry (tokote Papa has just ffone to the School for Yeomanry Officers at 
Aldershott.) **Ma.mma ! what will Papa lxabv at this School f*' 

Memma. " He will bb tauqht how to Oommaitd a Tboop, abd a obbat mabt 
TBinaB you could bot uhdbrstahd ; BUT TBBBB 18 Onb Thiho, Habby {imprss' 
siveljf), which all Soldibbs must lbabn, and which I vxbt much wish I could 

TBACH YOU^TO DO BXACTLT AS THBT ABB TOLD.*' 

Harry f refitctivdy. **Papa won't mind that much ; hb always has to do it 

AT HOMB ! " 

Harry carCi think why Manma is so cross all dav^ wonders privtUsly if she will 
have to go to Sehoo' next (strictly private). Hopes so ! ! 



More Weather ITotee tor 
the Konth. 

Apr. 11. — SAden dis- 
appearance of the son. Sol 
is supposed to haTo gone 
to Germany, in orJbr to se- 
cure to Her Majesty Queen 
ViOTORiA, the proverbial 
*' Queen's weather.". 

Apr. 12.— Crisis. Snow 
--hail— sleet — * influenza — 
catarrh — coughs — colds — 
frost — thunder — lightning 
— doctor —medicine. 
-"'Apr. 13.— Ulsfcers and 
mufflers set in. Umbrella 
trade 'flourishes. Under- 
takers^begin to chuckle. 

Apr. 17.— Sunshine once 
more. Then rain. Then 
snow. Then everything 
mixed. 

Apr. 18.-rClerk of the 
weatiier sent to a lunatic 
asyluuL Ohaos. 

Apr. 19.— Judy's 469fch 
Number appears, and all Ib 
if 41 once more. 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEEO-COMIC JOUENAL. [April 19, 1876. 



NIGHTCAP ESSAYS. 
By a Pliiloioph«r in Slippers. 
Ko. I.— Oir *' KxBPiBO A BntTHPAT,'* Ant Suor-iiu Novsivsb. 
fniB day is the Birthday of my imall grandsiece Eibvl. To-day did 
that golden-haired little beanty attain the mature age of foil thirteen, 
and in honour of the great occasion has her fond papa glTen a select 
party, at "which I faaTe been assistiog in the character of '* honoured 
guest.** It is, thank goodness, all oyer at latt, I have got hack again to 
tey solitary chambers ; have taken off my tight '* patent leathers,*' doffed 
my ^' swallowtail,'* and am realising the Inxary of slippers and an easy- 
chair before the 6re. On the hob, simmering gently, is my nightly jorum 
of beef-tea; from a tiny copper kettle issuts tlie steam of the boiling 
water which, in oonjunotion with some sugar, lemon, and "old Irish,'* is 
to cemfort the cockles of my old heart before turning in. 

Hark ! Twelve o'clock l~midnight ! Begad I had no idea it was so 
late. How quiet these old chambers are ! Very differ At, forsooth ! to 

the ** gay and festive scene *' I 

hayo just loft. Ah, well, it is 
good to be alone — MomeUmei. 

Heighho! Ah, well, well! 
perhaps it's better as 'tis. Per- 
haps, if on that day, which now 
seems so far, far off, some one 
had put a certain little hand into 
this now withered <me, whisper- 
ing at the same time erer so 
softly the magic syllable "Yes " 
^perhaps, I say, if She had 
done this, we should both be 

J 'oily sorry for it by this time ! 
Sht What say you? Que 
tais-je f 

"Keeping mf Birthday!" 
Come now. Hiss Ethil, that's 
a good joke 1 But how should 
you know any better at your 
time of life ? No, no ; but only 
tarzy, my dear young lady, .tarry 
until yon oease to put those 
channing locks of gold in their 
nighily curl-papers ; till you doff 
that ephemeral muslin frock for 
a sensible working " stuff ;" till 
your hand-glass diows yon eyes 

I that did once gaze into it bri^^t, 
gladsome, sparkling, now peer- 
ing forth through spectacles, 

I dim, lustreless, and particularly 
poor over small type; till, in 
fact, that terrible old chap. 
Father Time, wi^es you, too, 
to ^ the ^tEkOumffl truism that, 
sometimes, ignorance may be 

^blijn indeed. 

I wonder whether She "keeps ** 
her Birthday now? I wonder 
how old she maybe by this time T 
I wonder fF that soft brown hair 
is ttill soft brown, or a drabbled 
grey, like^like what there is of 
mine f f wonder if that dimpled 
chedc is still round and soft — 
if that peach-like bloom still 
cling% to it— if the touch of that 

little hand would still set my old heart a-throbhing T 

Pshaw ! I'm an old fool. Let me put myself to bed. Where's the hot- 
water bottle for my old toes— where's my warm Nightcap? Stay! 

For what is that ringing in my ean ? Eh ? Why, surely it is the burden 
of the song Miss Ethil was lately wurUing so prettily, and of a certainty 
it runs somewhat in this way, "In the days when we went gipaying, a 
long time ago," and goes on to^k of the "merry, merry days, when we 
were boys together." Very pretty, doubtless, and very prettily warbled 
by pretty Miss Ethel ; only— what can the know of "Uiat sort of thing" I 

Ah, no, indeed! but, as I said before, wait, my dear young lady, wait 

And yet, what does my old friend QuinTUS Horatius FLAOoussay? — 
" Carjte diem^ minimum quam credtda pottero "—"Make hay while the 
sun shines." I hkye no doubt lUss Ethil inll make her hay, and plenty 
of it, while the sun shines ; it is a way Toung Ladies of the Period have, 

I'm told 

Ah me ! doe$ the son shine now-a-days as it used to shine when ws 
went a-gipeying. Anno Domitii oyer such a time ago, on tho9e bright noons 
when we made our hay so blithely, when we talked so much sweet non- 
sense, and believed it sll— ay, eyery foolish word of it f Deary me 1 ah, 
deary me ! Why, I yow and declare I can a'most smell the scent of 



those big yellow roses in the old garden, e'en now ! How fond She was of 
that rose garden ! Herself tender and fragile as a flower, she seemed to 
assimilate, and become, as 'twere, akin to them from love and oonpanion- 
ship. 

One day I see standing out more distinctly than eyen all those other 
days. It was Her Birthday ; She was SeVenteen— sweet, lery sweet, 
Seyenteen. I was— let me see-^twenty, I imagine ; or some age equally 
foolish and — nice. 

" J)6 yon know," She said, taking her hand eut of mine — we used to 
walk hand-in -hand in those days ; it was a way we had of making our hay 
then^ xnd striying to hide a glowing hce in the petab of the most 
enormous yellow rose in the famous garden, which operation but rendered 
the pink flush only more apparent, — " Do you know what day to-morrow 
is?" 

"Tuesday, of course," I replied innocently. In our "calf" days we 

behaye as such. The pink flash grew still more pink ; the little nose was 

buried sUil deeper in the soft yellow petals. Presently, wounded accents 

__J struggled up from the rose 

depths. "My Birthday 

Cruelyohycrueir 

• « • • « 

We kept The Birthday— <Aa« 
Birthday, was it the yery last, I 
wonder, I eyer kept ?— kept it 
right royally. I took Her up 
the riyer ; and, in a low-oeil- 
inged, jasmine*ooyered, rose- 
scented room, overlooking the 
rippling water, we dined off 
freshly-caught trout^ lamb cut- 
lets, asparagus, an apricot tart, 
with a bottle of Rdederer. How 

pleased was She! We went 

on the water afterwards ; 

drifted under the shade of oyer- 

hanging foliage. She sang me 

the yery prettiest of her pretty 
songs. How charming was She ! 

What a pretty dress was 

that! What a sweet smile! 

What little white hands 

dipped in the low-whispering 
stream! ♦ ♦ • ♦ 

Ah me 1 Ah, dear me ! She 
married Jokbs minoc, my erst 
school-fellow. Rp was in the / 
Lower Fourth with me at Eton 
— the dullest, the ugliest fool in 

the sohooL Does she ever 

think now, I wonder, of iho§e 
days when we went a-gipsying ? 
Does she eyer now, as Mrs. Jems, 
cast one backward glance to those 
days "when we were boys (and 
girls) together " — when we 
"made our hay while the sun 
shone " I 



THE BEQINNINQ AND THE END. 

When Haughtibot had his first and only child {a son) he said he 
meant to bring him ujp as a Oentlemdn, So he did. The latt time he 
heard of him he was in this line of business. 



PshaVl Pm an old fool! 
Fm cold, hungry, thirsty, sleepy. 
Where's my hot beef-tea? Where's 
my whi^y-toddy f Where's my 
hot- water bottle I Where's my 

warmed Nightcap ? Eh Y 

Hark/ Two o'clock! 

The fire has* dean gone out My beef -tea, my " toddy," my hot-watef 
bottle are stone odd My Nightcap has fallen into the water-jug. 



THE ULT OF SSYEHTY-BIX. 

Thb fairest girl I eyer met 

Is beauteous little Lilt ; 
Of all mankind she is the pet, 

Our charming little Lilt. 
Small head, on dimpling shoulders set, 

Has piquant little Lilt, 
And none such looks of enyy get 

As blushing little Lilt. 
Her loye to win I'ye often tried, 

And courted peerless Lilt ; 
To gain a smile, I could haye died 

For pretty little Lilt. 
This year we hope the choice to see 

Of flirting little Lilt, 
And Fortune whispers I may be 

Proposed to by our Lilt. 



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JUDY, OR THE LONDON SEEK 



A FRIEND VERY 

Mr. Cave. IP HIS BURDENS CAN BE LIGHTENED, MY LORD, HE IS ABLE AND WILLING | 



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I April 16, 1876.] JUDY, OR THE LONDON SBRIO-COMIG JOURNAIi. 



SHORT HEMS. FOR SHORT 

■EHORIES. 
Fob Humtimo Mbn.— > 
People who borrow 
<* mounts " of their friends 
should bear in mind that, 
whatever ma j be the sea- 
son of the year, it is not 
always the "fiast" horse 
.which is Lent 

liiBSBAL Wills and 
LiBKBAL Wats. — The 
soi-dUant ''great Jjiberal 

Earty " is b^g given up 
y its friends. One of 
these, lamenting the pre- 
sent position of affairs, 
strongly counsels union, 
and reminds the Hadical 
leaders that where there 
is a will there is a way. 
This is very true ; but 
where there are a great 
many wills there is not 
any way, and this is just 
what is the matter with 

the Liberal party. 

• 
• • 

An Invkbsion of Mean- 
ing. — It is said that 
among the ancient Bo- 
mans the gift of a ring 
was the token of libera- 
tion from slavery. The 
s^bol has not lost all 
significance even in our 
day, but it is not always 
a token of freedom — at 
least so some of the mar- 
ried ones say. Autret 
tenypi, autrei maun. 



-HEASTER 'OLIDAYS. 

l8t QenU If I WAS aooih* to Buohton, Td wkar ah *ioh 'at. 

2nd Ditto. A Obrtlemaji is xhowv bt 'is Haddkbss, not bt 'is 'at. 



Mb. Lowx's Method. — Commenting upon Mr. Lowe's opposi- 
tion to the Budget, a contemporary observes that whatever may 
be urffed against his political action, no one will.be inclined to 
deny his debating powers. "His diction is exceedingly power- 
ful. Well, in a certain sense this may be true ; but, as a rule, 
the diction of the right hon. gentleman is contradiction. 

• 
• • 

A Hint fob Somebody. — It is rumoured that a well-known 
London ptxTfumeur is about to bring out a new — no, it is not a 
new, say a fresh— and yet it is anything but fresh — ^well, a per- 
fume entitled " Underground Bailway." This elegant preparation 



for the toilette is ezpeeted 
to be a great favourite 
among certain railway 
directors and managers, 
who might (but who do 
not) improve the ventik- 
tion of the Metropolitan 
District line. 
• • 
Gardenino Opbbations. 
— ^A gentleman writes to 
the papers to ^y that 
"Where the eucalyjptus 
will not 4prow, the neigh- 
bourhood might be im< 
proved by the planting of 
vigorous hardy ooniiext 
and other evergreen 
trees." This information 
w^ be found useful by 
persons whose gardens 
are at least twenty feet 
square. A few oaks, 
cedars, and so on, might 
also be kept in pots on 
the window ledges. 

c • 

Taking in the Guok- 
008. — The Cuckoo has 
begun to put in an appear- 
ance. According to a cor- 
respondent, " a bevy of 
these harbingers of Spring 
made their appearance on 
Tooting Common: their 
welcome cry was heard for 
some time, after whioh 
they dispersed over the 
country." According to the 
latest advices, however, 
the Cuckoos areimmensely 
disgusted with the weather, 
and entertaining an opin- 
ion that they have come out a month or so too soon, have flown 
away till next Christmas, when the weather will probably be mUd 
and genial. (Latest advices: snow, hail, and sleet, idl at the 
same time, with a trifle of thunder and lightning at intervals.) 

Lieutenant Camebon, RN. — ^A London pi^^, referring to 
the reception of this gentleman at Liverpool, says that if the 
gallant African explorer " gets his deserts " he wUl not be Lieu- 
tenant Camebon much longer. Doubtless this is a conreot view, 
for, under the present Government, national services never ^ 
unrewarded. The appropriate thing would be to give him a ship 
—of the desert, of course. 



THE COFFEE-ROOM FIEND. 



" ru take the Tima after yon, Sir f " 



After the first twenty 
minutes' wait. 



After the second twenty 
minntes' wait. 



After the third.tareaty 
minntei^ wah. . 



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JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOURNAL. [Aran, 19, 1876. 



NURSERY SERMONS. No. l.-BoPeep. 



Thbre was onoe upon a time an artful young minx by the name 
of Bo-Paxp (a most heathenish name), whose only claim to be 
made a heroine of by a mistaken poet was an instance of gross 
negligence, on her nart, leading to a severe loss, which probably 
seriously affected tne pockets of her parents or employers. 

And this is not idl. Added to the bald recital of her misdeeds, 
the poet, if this 
peniioionB scribbler 
can be so dignified, 
lias added gratui- 
tously a piece of 
adyioe, which, if 
followed by the un- 
thinking easy-goers 
of either sex, must 
of necessity lead to 
disastrous zesmlts. 

No one losing a 
sheep has any right 
to expect it will ever 
come home any 
more, either with 
or without its tail. 
Ifyondonbt whati 
say, leaye a sheep 
or two late at night, 
say in the White- 
chapel Bead. 

With regard to 
this Bo-Pebp*s capa- 
bilities as a tender 
of sheep, I have 
myself formed tiie 
meanest estimate. 
We, forsooth, hear 
absolutely nothiug 
of the sheep until 
they are lost 1 Look 
at that! The re- 
flection which this 
circumstance gives 
rise to is humiliating 
in the extreme. Had 
she virtuously gone 
on taking care of 
her sheep, and never 
lost them at all, in 
all probability we 
should never have 
heard of her. I 
myself, for instance, 
have gone on in 
virtnous obscurity, 
I am ashuned to 
say how many years, 
and have never d- 
ther lost my own 
sheep or stolen any- 
body else's, for ike 
simple reason that 
I hieive never had 
the chance ; and has 
a poet ever sung 
about me ? No, he 
hasn't 

It is as much as 
I can do to obtain credit for a few paltry joints, and go on owing 
for them afterwards. Yet this has not brought me to &me, though 
it has taken me once or twice into the County Court. 

To return to tius Bo-Peep busiuess. You see we hear no 
more of her after the sheep are lost. If you like to take a 
cheerful view of things generally, you are at liberty to suppose 
she got the sheep back again, but I don't think so ; and if she did, 
and reaUy stuck to her business for the future, her reward was 
to BubsiRe into oblivion. 



It may have been observed, by the bye, that those nonsensical 
persons who manufSacture pantomimes for Christmas are much 
in the habit of associating the name of this reprehensible young 
woman with those of the Boy Blue and Young Tucker, and that 
their notion of a Boy Blue (whv, in the name of all that's 
unreasonable, should it not be a Blue Boy ?) is a female in very 

long stockings, who 
sings topical songs 
in no' way relating 
to the subjects at 
the time under dis- 
cussion, and dances 
breakdowns upon 
the smallest possible 
provocation. 

But this view of 
the case is wholly 
erroneous. I look 
upon the story of 
Bo-Peep as an allei- 
gory, and I believe. 
Madam, that the 
sheep were not 
sheep at all, but 
young men of a 
sheepish nature, 
with a tendency to 
lag behind, and not 
come forward when 
they ought to have 
done. 

The young female 
persons at the play- 
house who represent 
Bo-Peep, and the 
artist-fellows who 
draw the pictures 
for the nursery 
books, are agreed in 
one respect. They 
represent this pre- 
cious Bo-Peep in a 
costume which no- 
body in their senses 
would go mindiog 
sheep in. 

Take the* trouble 
to examine this pic- 
ture, for instance. 
Observe the un- 
business - like de- 
meanour of this 
young woman, and 
the outrage to all 
probability exhi- 
bited by that non- 
sensical bow of rib- 
bon fastened on to 
her crook. 

You can see she 
is naturally a care- 
less hussy, or shn 
would put her hair 
into a neat plait, not 
let it fly about in that 
unmeaning fashion. 
The old bird on the left evidently knows wbere the sheep are, but 
he doesn't mean to tell. That on the right is a foolish fledgling, 
who poked his head too far over the side of the nest, and is 
coming down with a good thump. Serve him right 1 

I think the artist might as well have shown us the nose of one 
of the silly sheep peeping round a distant corner ; but perhaps the 
sheep were all tired of her airs and graces, and had taken them- 
selves off in disgust. I am not naturally of a malignant disposition, 
but I sincerely trust she never did find those sheep. Don't you? 



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Apeil 19, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-OOMIO JOURNAL. 



9 



OBIMBS AND DISA8TBB8. 

(From a 81op«ri«]& Point of View.) 
Mabtsb Sbuth ^nll not kiss any more nurse girls for some time 
to oome nnless he is not wise. Master Smith, aged sixteen, 
takmg a stroU in the neighboorhood of Staines, met Miss Edith 




Thd Deed of Daring. 



BxAGLET, and there and then took ani 

out even asking permission. A i 

appealed to, ohiurged Master Smith 

cnUass), and seizing him' by the ear 

his fieiy steeds led him in triumph to 

by an admiring popnlaoe. The Bei 

admixe in this gidlant policeman's pr 

ondit not to have done it. Some one 

haid been saffioienUy ponished under t 

gested that be should now be let off. 

thought he ou^t to be fined a pound, and so he was. 




His UnwlM "W</aliip.r 

I have often had to remark upon the ignorance of magistrates. 
The other day some one oomplauied that some else had celled him 
a " Wainwbioht," and he did not like it, upon which the magis- 
trate who' heard the case aaii, ^ Who's Wi^iiiwBioBTf" Even 
the usher had to smile a little behind his hand. Lately, too, a 
p^Hceman in his evidence described a man as being «* tight," 
upon which another magisteate asked what he meant When 
Mr. Squkbbs had taught his pupil to spell ^ winders," he told 
him to go and dean them. Some such' course of conduct ought 
to have been pursued in regard to his worship. It ought to 
have been spelt over to him very quietly, and then done to him 
at the public expense. Taxpayers could not have grumbled when 
BO desirable an end waif in view^ 




The Boy wHh tho Bai^Jo. 

The Echo recently published an account of a sweet youth in 
New York, who, gettmg Moodt and Saneet on the brain, was 
troubled with ecstatic visions, in which he saw Mr. Moodt in 
celestial regions singing with angels, and told his mother, if he 



only had a baojo to take his nlace by Mr. Moody's side and play 
an accompaniment, he could be happy. Another afflicted person 
now writes to the Echo, and quotes an authority relative to the 
" Revivalists" in New York. He says, "We cannot say pre- 
cisely what the eflbet of their labours has been abroad, but it is 
Yerj evident that here the mfluence is directly the opposite of that 
which produces mental disturbance. There has not been the 
usual insnifestation of feeling in these meetings*whieh is common 
in revivals. No physical excitement has hwsL a£pareni The 
a '* 
I 
i 



bui wnen we are anxious to Deoaiii Sfianwnii, we mnsi not stick 
at trifles:— 

I. ▼. OBXBV. . 

[" L v.** is short for Jora VnuAif.] 
Olu a rare^ld toper was L Y. Qixsir, 

With kis nose •• fieiy sad bold ; 
'Twas redden'd by dips in the tankard, I ween, 
Tiial had ^rmn in hit Mfride old. 

Dnuik, when he ihould not ha^ been, 
A rare old toper was I. V. tesss ! 
Thongh I. Y. GRSnr he pvll'd ao hard, 
'Twaa mostly at something '^ short " ; 
He was half -seas over within the bar, 
And yet never got into port 

Sober iiever waa he seen : ' 

He sl^es, 

] us.head; 

An et, he was foond 

' y when dead, 

is what I mean : 
bLY. awiSHi 
*' New, if you left out yjour cartoon, " continues this sanguine 
person, ** and all your pictures, you might maktf room for a good 
many of the songs I hirvse already improved in -ttiis way.* I wiH 
send you a few hundreds, for I feel sure they would do for you.^' 
rBodoes JuoT. Pray do not send them. She objects to be 
"done for."] 

, . ,•.., .11 ■ ti ! I ' 

READY NEXT WEEK, 

TT^l 1 O ^1^ ^^ TTTTIV " Haadaom^y Bomid In Red Clotti,Qat 

vol. lO 01 JUl/1; Letten and Bdgei^prico Eight Shillings, 

Containing Hmidreds of Fioturea, JudyIb faoous Poli|lo«l Cartoons, and 

innumerable Oomio Stories, Biaay% and Poems. 

idso, Cjuns FOB Bixixno, Two ShOUngs eaol^ and BBanrsa Oaso, One Shilling 
and Fowpenco eaeh. 

To be obtained through all Boohsellsrs and NewssgeBts, and at 
"JUDY" OFFICE, 73, FLEET STREET, B.C. 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON 



A STORY 'WITH( 



fhtrewm$ a period «Aa», if Asanunri took tmy time 
at all dnmng hertelff Bowiv uMd to fy into an awful 
rage^ amd stamp and twear. 



^M, afieriome yeart of mabrimong^ $k€ htgan to think how wrong il wa$ of A<r, 
«o t&e oOyfT day she resolved to throw her things on anyhow, and not keep him a 
minute, **0ood heavens, woman /** he exclaimed, *' you're all to pieces ; go hack 
and make yowrsdf decent at least, if you can do no more.'* [Ske went back. 



"Q" IN THE CORNER. 

It it a pitj the Honae of Ooiudoiib did not tnreak up for the BMter 
holidm wit^ioui n-opening the mae of t^ Mistletoe, No good coald 
poadUj oome from, the dieciunoiif and jet qaestions were asked and 
motiom made with ai^mnch avidity as if aomething of importanoe de- 
pended npon the leenlt. Mr. W. Williams was exkemely anzioaa to 
obtain, from the Firit Lord of the Admiralty information which that 
oflioial explained to him waa contained in *' the papers already laid before 
Paiiiaa»ent." Sir Bonm 'Bmkl, who doea not now attempt to catch the 
^peakei'a oye aa,often aa oonld be wiahed, annonnoed himself the victim of a 
casmrd. Hehadreadthatoneof the officers of theil2&er(a reprimanded by 
the Admiralty had ref need to accept the reprimand. Was this trae t If so^ 
he wished to know t * whether really law and jostioe ahoald not be done ? *' 
Sir BoBEis was disposed of by Mr. Wabd Huvt with as much eaae aa 
the member for Denbighahire had been. Tlie right hon. gentleman explained 
that the atatement had i^peared in a '*qaasi-comio" paper, and that 
there waa no tmth in it It was quite impossible, he, said, for an officer 
to degliae to lec^Te a reprimand. But it was Mr. Ahbibsoh that made 
himaelf •moat ridienlous. The temper of his speech waa quite unwarrant- 
able. He .waa of opinion that Hn Mumr's Glovemment ought to have 
taken further steps in the matter *' to Tindicate public jostioe/' and he 
asked the Houae of Oommona to agree with him. He charged the First 
Lord of the Admiralty with somethiDg like breach of faith, and accused 
memben of the CbTcmmeot generally with flippancy, for the manner in 



which they had answered interrogatories put by prirate members. The 
coroner, too» was, it seems, an interested person, inanmnch as he was 
connected with the Admiralty, while the names of some of the jury had 
been suggested by a friend of the coroner. 'Ak to' tb'e inyeetigation held 
by the Admiralty, he oontended it was inadequate ; and, finaUf^ Prince 
LmnaoKH, ** a xelatiTe of the Quhh," ought to haye been put on his trial 
with Captain \Nloh before a eourt-martiaL 

Mr. HoHT Wkd. not much difficulty in answering these animadrlraioiM. 
The Admiralty had nothing to do with the appointment cf the Coroner, 
who was elected by the freeholden of Hampshire ; the jury were em- 
panelled in the usual way ; and, as a matter o£ fact. Prince LanaiiaKx 
had not tdken, and had nerer been in the habit of taking, the nayigation 
of the ship out of the hands of Captain Wiloh. Undw these dreum- 
stanoes, he hopeil the House of tCommons'woulcL approve of the course 
taken by the Admiralty in reprimanding Captain Wilob. 

Of ooarse the House of Commons (iiciapproye, rejecting Mr. Asdimov's 
motion by 167 to 65. We may, therefore, congratulate ouraelyes that at 
lengih we may indulge in the hope expreased by Mr. Hktwood, who waa 
moat concerned in ihe unfortunate accident, that the affiiir will henoelbrth 
rest in peace, notwithstanding the temptation offered to some minds of 
being able to attack «a relatiye of the Qum.*' Q. 



Feox thb Guildhall. —New Yeiaion of an Old Beading— A Son by 
any other name would smell more swtwt 



PUBEISOLUBLEII 
1 1 ! REFRESHING 



CADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



CAUTIOK. 
—if Oseoa 

tkUkmi in 
tkt eupitU 



SIGNAL VICTORY ts Hm nMot Grand Oompethlan, Mid at th« T«cktfilr« 
KikiUtlaii. AH eooMCi w«re BeaMo, and the oaly Medal awardtd 10 



biiViithtbi^/iiiaTn 



Tha if aw /m^roamMNtt raotnUjr addad to thaaa M aohlnaa 
..ndar tliain avpartor to aU othan for ilHwOy and Oiaaa- 
■akipg P M yoaaa. lalandfaiff frahaaata ahoald aaa tham, 
er aand far a f rotpae lu a to Tayiort Patent Sawlnc 
Oompaaj. Qraat DtttUld, at^r, (Siaapafato, Landoi 



SEWING 
MACHINES. 



Fublished hj the Freprletor, at 78, Fleet Street, E.G. Printed by Woodfall ft Kimdkb, Mllford Lane, Strand, W.C.— Wbdnisoat, April 19, 1879. 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEBIO-COMIO JOUBNAL. [Ami. 26, 1876. 



boiler/" It was delkhtfnl to witnen the pretty blnahei of myjonng 
miitren as she reeeiyea oompUmenta and coDgratolationa ** as the charming 
originaL" 

One day came Ifr. Yixp, the celebrated " dealer." He peered at me 
throTigh Ids gold doable eye-glass long aod earefolly. Then he took snnff. 
Then he slapped my master badly on the shoolder. " The very thing, 
s'help me !** said the great man. " Tell yer what, dear boy ; I'll ooake it a 
'fifty,' if yer calls it by a good fancy name, and lets me 'aye the next 
three yer does of the same sort." 

" Ton are most kiuiS^^ said my master ; '* but, yon see, it*s really a 
Portrait, and the only one I have of my dear wife, and — and— tY< not 
for tale, Mr. ViMP." . 

Mr. Yaxp w^ off in a hoff. My dear mistress threw her white arms 
round "my miiter's nech« and cried softly. My master kissed my mistress, 
and " talke«U^rand," I thoiight them a pair of yonng fools, for the fiitct 
is, we were acSfnliy Bard-vp, and conldn't afford to refuse money. 

From that day w^ got poorer and poorer, going from bad to worse. My 
master painted seT«nl more of the '' same sort,'' bnt Mr. Yaxp was bo 
angry he would not eren look at them. We lived a struggling, poTerty- 
stiieken existence for some eighteen months. At last, one sad day, my 
poor mistress fdl sick. In one diort week she was dead. Her hist words 
were,— J^_' 

** Don't-iMS|||Aart with my Portrait, Fnn) ! Promise Now kiss- 
kiss )l»-*<l#9|SSia/." And, with thaV kiss warm on her pallid lips, 
she feU hatk^^iA 1 

Things became worse and worse. To kill his grief he took to drinking 
he&yily. Picture after picture^ eyen articles of clothbg, were pawned^ to 

satisfy this new want One terrible hour at last came. Eyerything 

that he could raise <^ few shiDings upon had gone. / was the sole surdyor. 
I saw him look at me strangely. He had tak^ a great deal, but wanted 

more. He seized me in his hands, and roaei as Uiough to go. I felt 

myself wreaUbg, as it were, u^ his grasp.. ...JA Mw mw^micC aeeme^i to 
possess me. I became animate with the Spirit of my dead mistress. 
Speech came to me. ,^.| . . 

'' Do you forget,** I cried, moumfujOy, \smii %iib his face with Her 
great sad eyes, — " do you fonet my last request 90 soon^your last pro- 
mise—that kst kiss on theM^ now odd in death ?" 

He started, tzembUng yiolently, 

«The Voice of. conscienoe,'' he said, hoarsely. ''17ay, 'tis hen^mj 

Pet— poor, dead Pet I" 

• ♦ * # • • *.- • 

He has not parted with mei He changed from that houv-worked 
haid. 

Mr. YiXF, hearing his story, tdehted. He painted Inany more of the 
^'ssotee sort,** and sells eyerything...-.! 

I now hang oyer his bed. Tlw yeryfint objeet on waking, tiie yery 
last on sleeping, his eyes fall on me, and linger — lovingly. 



••WAIXEE!" 

A vooTPHnnp on the sands of tim^ 

Most men essay to trace on ; 
There's one will surely leave his mark — 

That's WttroF, Bswaed Paoi-ov (PATSen)! 



THE NEW OLD FASHION. 



MY love has tMtM 
80 oddly qnaint, 

On Mo-arbrao she's 
gone clean crazy; 

About snch things 

I own that I 

Am slighUy hazy. 

U ncomfortable 

chairs she buys, 

She says it nice is ; 

Handngs and por- 

tubes 

With grim deviojes. 

Full half a day 
she'll pass away 
(And more's the 
pity) 
At RioHABDs's, in 
Bath Street, 
In the Gily. 

8 up, 
amma's — 

I, there^ dont fly 

B8, 



Dg to the papers to 
>re) that stamps will 
aoed. "Why," asks 
I of making stamps 
mage to overcome so 
itamps stick only too 
whom they aire in- 
OTO both sources of 

CALT is deterioratiog. 
imonstration is over, 
K didnotcOBKOOut 
Bkni^y dvove to the 
' remarks, aad drove ^ 
e a sUght impiove- 



NON-RrNKONIANS. 



1. He doesn't know why, 
bat somehow don't seem to 
care for it. 



2. Thinks it ib improper for 
yonng girls like herself. One 
does not know who one may 
ran against. 



3. He would if he 
could ; if he can't, how 
can he? 



4. Has no time to, 
because the Binkers 
keep him so much 
employed. 



5. What ! go a-fallin' about with a 
kipple er stands on yer fleet like tbe 
little Lather Sarcade little dogs is 
fixed to, Vhich walking in pattons on 
ruts is easy to ? Kot if she knows It ! 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SE] 



IRISH D 



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OMIC JOURNAL.— ApBit 26, 1876. 



B A T E R S. 

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Apjul 26, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE ^ LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOUENAL. 19 



CRIMES AND DISASTERS. (From 



Thb lady, and gentleman 
who took too much Bank 
Holiday the other ^evening 
and insisted on forcmg their 
way into the General Post 
Office, nnder the impression 
that it was a theatre, haye 
since then been reasoned 
with by their- fiiends. Mr. 
Aldermaii Nottaob fined the 
gentleman twenty shillings ; 
bat that was tinkind. I 
havB no reason for thinking 
that the Post Office isn't a 
place of amusement They 
must haye an awful lark 
with the letters sometimes, 
or they would not be so long 
coming; besides^ I haye 
Imowa a pcirson force his 
way Into a^ sacred concert at 
Exet^ Hall, or into a theatre 
wheie Shakspxmjuc was be&ig 
pitied, under the impresriea 
that he waa going to a place 
of amusemenl, and they only 
fined him a shilling for a 
seat in the gallery. 

I iM glad to hear that the 
empl<^yment of bipeds in the 
ponce will shortly be aban- 
doned. Hbweycr, before the 
fcttce is filially disbanded, 
stole rewards will be given 
and a few pensions. Offi- 
cers who haye caught mote 
than two wrong men wUl 
be specially provided for. I 
imderstana,{|rom a personal 
fijend of DetectiyB Mosoan, 
that his bark is going to be 
on the G (diyision). 



Slopexian Point of View.) 

the other Sloper 




Wildnaea. 




The Intdlisent Offloen. 




Blqtbe's Soramble. 



Thsbe's been a young man by the name of Slofib down at 
Dorking who has been doing his little best to get Slopbr's name 
np. It seems he attracted attention by the extraordinary assi- 
duity of his attendance at church, never missing a day all 
through Lent. Nothing, indeed, could be more praiseworthy of 
him in tbis respect, and if, at the conclusion of the service, he 
picked a pocket or two coming out^ ^at is quite a separate 
uttktter. The magistrate took up the. separate matter, and gaye 



a x^onth ; 
and it would hfty^beenmore, 
only it was S(V>pbb's first 
offence. Everything must 
have a bef^juiing — even 
Sloperismi 

Once more if A. Slopj^r 
the victim of cal1:^npy. It 
would appear that,% singu- 
lar custoDd was observed on 
Good Friday at St. Bartholo- 
mew-the-GxBat,We8t Smith- 
field, of ' throwing down 
twenty-one sixpences on a 
stone in the' churchyard, 
where the old \^men of the 
parish pick them up. The 
money is said to be the ^t 
of a lady who was buned 
there, but the bequest is so 
ancient that no wiU can be 
traced, and even the exact 
place of her grave is not 
known. 

The tongue of the evil 
mind haa been pattfaig it 
about that A. SliopER was 
observed struggling in an 
unseemly fkshion wit^ these 
poor old periBons, and ap- 
propriating the sixj^ences 
m question to his own use. 
Those ^ho think this likely 
don't know Sloper. It is 
true he made a suggestion. 
He sugjgeated' that the half- 
guinea should be given to 
him, and that would take 
all the troiible of the thing 
off the hManSM of the person 
who has bhargd'of the gift, 
on certain conditions. A. 



Slopbr proposed looking up a collection of sixpences that had 
got rather thin. He would then have buttered them carefully, 
and it would have been a rule of the game that the old persons 
who felt inclined to pick them up should do it with thick woollen 
gloves on. , A. Slopsr's suggestion was not received in the spirit 
it was made. A. Slopbr, Fumbling Moralist. 

P.S. — The bird-lime trick taught by A. Slopbr On reasonable 
terms. 



EASTER jpFFEBINGS. 
Etbrt one offering the nsaal remarks aboiU the state of the weather. 

Allt offering to teach the ojSide-tJoy's mother to sack eggs. 

^e Member for Stoke offer&ig Hib. Whallbt a pinch of ''Arthur's 
dnb " Mfacture. 

Cblonel HbkderMn offering warnings to persons driving f arious bargains. 

The Ma]iagei-<ol the Westminster Aqaariam offering to return t(h^ks. 

BIockbaadB etfl^rriBg opposition to wood pa^yements. 

She Powers offering advice to the *' Sablime^ and the EidicnTons. 

Okarch wardens offering to stand organ- pipes and grog. 

Offioions liberal newspapers offering advice to Her Majbstt and the 
^Ktmm OF Walbs. ' 

Jvnroffiirixig to the world her Eighteenth Volume, beaatifully bound. 



ckkmt ! 

Pour wcaijry^att have pass'd^ 

And I am twenty-three ; 
ABdaoi-so-iiiai and elegant 

As once I used so be. 
Somehow my thoughts have changed^ 

And, taken in a lump ; 
All, all the girls I worshipp*d onoe, 

I care lor, not a damp ! 
And I ? — well, I am young, 
. And spotless^ good and true, 
And innocent and beautiful— 

Ind so, tweet girli^ are you I 



"Q"INTHECORNER4 

Eastir Monday amusements in the neighbourhood of London were 
slightly damped by the gloomy weather. In Ireland, boWefer, the " di^rar- 
sion " was of themsual character. At Limerick, [especially; ihefnn was 
of the most rollicking kind. The leadmg spirits of thMtmtAi&h df Her 
Majesty's Opposition known as Home Rulers rnolved'to' oeft^rate the 
day by a ''demonstration." And they did. The leaded 'of> th 6 > party 
an^lis colleagudln Ibe i^presentation of Limericfc preceeded<lb't6M-8ity 
fer the purpose. Prom the railway station to the (yOomtaLDMbnumest^ at 
the foot of which the "demonstration" was 'tO' taktf pUu^' these 
gentlemen received k splendid weleonie. Not a^ siilgle'roiUtf ^eitghtas 
discharged at their heads. But on arriving lit ibfi MonxMiM t&ey 
found JoHR Dalt. John Dalt is a broth of a ho}^ aad VfDflIt •'*h«d 
I - »^— — p ^. f I > m'' ii ' \ i i _L>_^L._j.,>^ , . .t ■■•..>:• 

• "Sov.inSABt i " ", • ■ ■ '"! :":'!" 

' • . .1.11. . it' !,% iU I . .; ,. ^►•'•'''•K 

IT I m^ ^ a TTTT\V *' Handsomely Bound in Red Cloth^'^GUt 

V Oil lO 01 U U 1/ X ^ Letters and Edges, price Eight S^ilUngs, 

Containing Hundreds a| Pictures, Judt*s famous Political Cartoons, and 

innmnerabla Comic Stories, Btsi^s, and Poems. 

Aho, Casbs for BncniKO, Two ShflliofB each, an4 Readiko Casks, One Shilling 
and Fouipence each. ', • • 



1t» ba obtained thiough all Bookselleni and Newsagents, andat . 
"JUDY* OFFICE, 78, FLEET STREET, B.C. ' 



c-jer 



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JUDY, OB THE LONDON SERIO-GOMIC JOURNAL. [Apml 26, 1876. 



with liim aboai a 
* hundred broths oz 
boji bebnipng to 
Ihat seotiMi of Hbk 
Majbstt's OppoBi. 
tioB known as Na- 
tionaliati. As a mat- 
ter of ooorw, theee 
two sectioBB of Her 
Majmst's Oppori- 
tton improred the oc- 
casion. Although the 
Home Rnlem were 
nearly 10,000 strong, 
Mr. Dait and his 
broths of boys pro- 
ceeded to pax their 
addresses to them. 
A cnrious arraoge- 
ment ensned. Mr. 
Dalt*8 partj amnsed 
themselves with 
sticks, loaded whips, 
and other saoh wea- 
pons. The Home 
Rnlera^ nel expecting 
the entertainment 
prorided for them, 
resorted to the me 
of mnrioal instnt- 
mentSk Drams and 
trombones were in 
great request. The 
fun lasted for more 
than a qiuirter of ' 
an hoar, and in the 
end Mr. Diht and 
his snpporters went 
away. A telegram, 
despatdied from the 
Boene of operations 
at 2 F.M., says:— 
^'Nnmben of men 
are. lying in tbe 
streets, and many 
persons, dripping 
with blood from se- 
vere wounds, are 
being oondacted by 
their friends to snr- 
geries." 

That section of 
Hnn Maiwtt*8 Op- 
position which for- 
merly oocnpled the 
front benches on the 
right hand of the 
Speaker in the House 
of Commons has also 

itsell Seveial of 
its members have 
been expbining how 
pablic affurs ought 
to be eondueted. 
Mr. QiiAiNnoo, for 



writing to one of 

his eaastitnents 

at Greenwieh 

oonetrmiAf.'ihe 

Budfst In questioBS of finance I shovld be sorry to eritisiae Mr. Glad- 

BtotOL Indeed I shoold be sorry for any one who thought he could do so 

mseoafnUy. Still I mist say that Mr. GLannon's censure of the pro- 



posals made by the 
Ohanoellor of the 
Bxohequer with re- 
spect to the Income- 
tax are neither fair 
nor worthy of their 
author. The es- 
tablishment of a 
difference for the pur- 
poses of taxation be- 
tween people of £320 
and of £420 is, in 
his opinion, of ''dan- 
gerous and sooialistie 
tendency.'* I fail to 
see this. It is only 
a question of degree. 
Exemption to classes 
of income in tiie 
higher sphere is, I 
shoold have thought, 
obriously Um "so- 
cialistic" than ex- 
emption in the lower. 
The proletariat is al- 
ready exempted by 
arrangements acqui- 
esced in by every 
Ohancellor of the Bx- 
cheqaer in torn. 
Surely nobody caii 
logicaQy maintain, 
even were 1^ to select 
''three cour8ee,"tha* 
the exemption of a 
class pinche(|l more 
than the class belAW 
them, and more than 
any class above them, 
has a socialistic ten- 
dency. 

Mr. Lows has 
been dining at fiet- 
ford, where, it seems, 
he had the seiena 
satisfactbn of find- 
ing himself in a 
meeting that was 
"really, heartily, 
and unmistakably 
LiberaL" Of course 
he improved the oc- 
casion just as his 
Irish mends im- 
proved theirs. He 
arraigned the Con- 
servative Govern- 
ment lor being 
wicked finanders. 
Mr. Lows is a trea- 
cle - and - brimstone 
saUrist. At Retford 
he was more trsady 
than brimstony. As, 
hdwever, the gist of 
the right honourable 
gentleman's remarks 
implied that there 
was no prospect of 
the country again 
appealing to the 
right honourable gentleman and his friends to govern it, the speedi 
might have been pardoned even had it been more brimstony than treaoly. 

Q. 



PUREl SOLUBLE II 
1 1 1 REFRESHING 



GADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



CAUTIOtf, 
—If OeMi 
Otdtou Ja 
IA<c»pili9 
muwC wiUk 



IRCULAR 
POINTED 



PENS 



1 bv a new wooMi.— ASk 
Bfi BamBis fioK aadsdest 



19SW99^Sf09I^ 



^nm 



PubUihed by the Prsprletor, at 7S, Fleet Stnet^p.G. Printed by WoontAU. ft Kixdbb, MQfofd Lane, Strand, W.O.— Wbdhbsdav, April tt, lin 



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Mat 8, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. 21 



THE ONLY JONES. 

I SUPPOSE 
rather more non- 
sexue is talked 
about miiBic 
than upon most 
other sabjectB. 
There are the 
people whom 
street organs 
send mad, there 
are the people 
who have nerer 
been to a mnsio- 
hall (male per- 
sons, I mean, of 
course), and 
there are the 
people whom the 
lengthiest opera 
does not fatigue 
I in the least, 
when they sit 
! it out without 
j the smallest 
I quantity of 
moisture. These 
are curious peo- 
ple, but. they 
are as numerous 
as they are cu- 
rious. The op- 
ponents of opira houfe seem to be eongiatnlating tbemselyes that it is 
giviog place to English comic opera. I don't quite like the words English 
* comic ppera. They faaye not a liyely sound. * 



The songs in the Adelphi melodrama, Strudc Oil, rather qtoil the 
melodramatic portion of the work, but they are better than the melo- 
drama. Miss Maoqib Moork and Mr. Williaksov are both clerer, 
and if they had not written their own play (I suppose it is theirs — ^no 
author's name is given), they would have made a great hit They are 
much applauded as ii is. 

At Madame Tubsavd'b popular galleries, in Baker Street, the latest 
attractions are some splendid oovui costumes, adorning the principal 
figures of BoyaUy, designed expressly and made by the first houses in 
Paris ; also portrait models of the King of Spun, tiie King of Portugal, 
and the King of Greece. 

At the Oi^ of London Oollege, on Thursday evening last, Judt heard 
Mr. Ohablbs FiRSiBit read very successfully. His ** Enoch Arden " and 
'< Widow Mysie " were hits. 



SEASONABLE C0EEB8P0NDBNCE. 

(Wbiflh it if quite impoMdblo ooidd «▼« liave been Written.) 
l.—Fnm a CdebraUd Artist to a Celebrated Piehure Dealer, 

Kensington, Sunday, ZOth AprU, 1876. 

Mt diar Sir,— Tour letter, dated Sunday, just received. I hasten to 
reply. Tou were at the " Private "^^ew,** you say, on Friday, and are 
''surprised to find that I am not represented." Allow me to explain. 
In the first plaoe, pray don't fall into the error of supposing that they 
turned out my famous " Man and Dog Fight," as they tried to do with 
my " <}hour8 Supper-party " last year. No, no ; I know a trick worthy 
two of (Aot. I didn't give 'em the chance : I didtCt eend it in, because 
I've hit upon a *' notion " a long way better. Tes ! For I will no longer 
permit my genius to be fettered ; no more shall my soaring pinions be 
clipped by that precious collection of old women, the B. A. <* Council." 
I will no longer be tied down by B. A. red tape. The Public, sir, the 
paying Public, likes my. work hot and itrong, blood and gore, and 
plenty of it ; and, by G^ige ! the Public shall have it—for a con- 
sideration. Now I don't get that " consideration "—at least, I don't 
consider it ''consideratbn" enough at the hands of the E. A. that 
my position as the ''popular** painter of the hour ihauld get I lay 



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22 JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOUENAL. [Mat 3, 1876. 



orjgiiial brate 



IfllJTBiC," 

is painted 



right o£f from the one and only ''Brumxt." Of course Buskin, and 
tluwe criUeal chaps, say my Art isn't High Art. Pooh, sir, pooh ! I 
smile gently on Ruskin and his disciples, and pocket my thousands where 
their •* High Art '* hrings 'em in wretched ** fifties." 

And now to bnsiness. Ton diall have the picture (''Man and Dog 
Fight') and entire copyright on these terms— £1,000 cash down, and 



£2,000 more in three 
months, with a one-third 
share in the profits of the 
Exhibition in London and 
proTinces, with the excep- 
tion of Manchester, where 
Yv^ promised it to our 
friend Jonbs. With respect 
to the engraving, I must 
hare it done by Smith, 
though his price is a little 
more than Brown's, and I 
most really tie yon np, on 
your "word of hononr*' (as 
I can't get any better secu- 
rity), not to sell more than a 
thousand * * artist's proofs " ; 
your last little game (I hap- 
pened to hear all about it) 
of nearly 3,000 proofs pi 
my ''Qhouhs" was rather 
too much, even as things go . 
now-a-days. Hang it, you 
know, you ought to haye a 
little consideration for the 
poor plate, if you have none 
for your subscribers for the 
two-guinea prints that oome 
afterwards. 

Faithfully yours, 
H. Walker. 

2.— Prom a Celebrated Pie- 
ture Dealer to a Celebrated 
Fainter, 

Bayswater, 
Monday f 1st May. 
Mt vkrt dear Sir, — ^You 
are an Aler, I must say. 
Why, I was gdng to show 
the** Man and Dog Fight" 
myself im my own spec', after 
it had been through the R. A. 
Perhaps you're ri^t, though, 
only, instead of a third, I 
must have a half— wmt 
no w ! As regards the price^ 
you'll ruin me, my dear 
s^, literally ruin me ; but 
you fiwhionable artists must 
have your price, I suppose. Supposing we say six months' credit, though, 
not three — eh ? And, I say, you must be sure and tell every one I gaye 
six thou', not three — see ? In the meantime I'll put it about that yon 
couldn't get the thing finished in time for the B. A., but that, sooner than 
disappoint the B. P., you will exhibit it by ilsdf. Ha, ha ! And I'ye a 
capital "notion -" besides the diilling days, we'll have a sixpenny evening 



PETER AT IT AGAIN. 



1 '—"Ah, Peter!'' said Mr. Hummer, 
lo oking up at his new weathercock on the 
greenho use roof, " I'm glad to find the wind 
shifted to the west : those 'easterly winds 
nearly kill me. I wish it would keep in 
this quarter!" 



2.— "Poor old gent," 
mentally ejaculated Peter, 
watching his master's re- 
treating form ; ** it shall, 
or Peter hain't 'iaself I" 



3. — ^The next mo- 4.—'* The wind is certainly east, but the vane 

ment Peter might points due west," said Mr. H., next morning, 

have been seen climb- "Why, bless me, Peter," he added, *' surely 

ing the new weather- no — yes — no — ^if some stupid idiot hasn't fixed 

cock on the green- the thing with a piece of rope !" 
house Toof. 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEKXl 



UNITED ACTION OF 



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miC JOUENAL.— Mat 8, 1876. 




» 



THE OPPOSITION. 



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Mat 3, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIO JOURNAL. 



27 



on Saturday for the poorer classes! It*ll be a "great go," I'm certain, 
espedaUy in the mannfacturing districts. We*ll send out Tery polite and 
elaborate aurds to every blessed newspaper for our ** Prirate Press View ;" 
and yon might put it to your friend on the Daily Sqymt to have hU notice 
set np in big type, in a good place, and wdl leaded. Then I'll get one of 
my derks to write a lot of letters to the principal papers, pointing ont 



<26rtain fanlts, kc, in the picture ; a good naturalistic argument aboue 
the proper stiffness in a dog*8 tail while he's got his adversary by the 
nose might be a good '* draw ;" and you could contradict every one all 
round like one o'clock, and produce your ** authorities *'--you*ll eaJEdljf get 
'em from the reading-room of the British Museum — in a series of letters, 
signed with different initials, && Tours in haste, Jobs Bobibbon. 



ANOTHER RATTLETRAP RHYME. 



His name it was Biqqs, it was, it was. 
And he took me down, he did, he did ; 
And the master said, '* Good boy, go up,'* 
Whilst I was severely chid. 



And then he went up, he did, he did. 
And it were a shame, it were, it were ; 

And me, I went down whilst he went up, 
And to speak I didnH dare. 

But I smouldered, I did, I did. 

And I sud, a time will <MP> will oome — 
And Biocis he beamed iijjtfi J^lissful smile, 

Whilst I looked gloomy glnm. 



Then the master says, he says, says he, 
•* Ptay profit by Bigos's role, his rule j 

For he is an Al, first-class boy. 
And Blogos— well, you are a fool !" 



WHAT THE GOOD BOY GOT AmBWARDS. 

Which Bloggs, it's my name, it ii^ it is. 
And that same I beg to state, to state ; 

Which he might have rounded it a bit. 
Not gave it me quite so straight. 

But never a word I spoke, I spoke. 
And never a word I said, I said; 

But I waited till the playtime came, 
And then I punched Biggs's head ! 



JUDY AT THE EOTAL ACADEMY. 

Ths Private Yiew would be nothing without the Ever Young and Lovely. 
It is true that a few people go there to look at the pictures, but of course 
the rush is to see the Bver Young and l4)vely. 

The Eeyal Academy opens wi^ a fair average Exhibition. It introduces 
four new Associates— a portion of the ten that are to be idded to the 
nomber. We believe that it is an understanding among the '' body " that 
the Sections ^all not be made from the best of tlie outsiders, but that 
the elaims of those long passed over shall finft be considered. This being 
the case, it would be invidious to remark on the recent elections further 
than that, with one exception, Mr. Stobt, we say that they might have 
done mudi better, and ^hope if the same principle be kept to in the 
next election, that Harous Btohb, Val Pbikosp, and Pitbr G&aham will 
not be passed over again. 

Of the present Exhibition, in the most important of the high-class 
pictures must rank '*The Daphnephoria " (241), F. Lsighton, and 
" Atalanta's Eaee '* (943), E. J. Potktbb. In the former, we could wish 
about two feet cut from the top of the heavy brown trees, which seem to 
dwarf the figures in this beautiful design ; in the latter, why should the 
lady be so very much larger than the man ! This is a defect in an other- 
wise fine work. Banking with the same is the small work ''Beads'* 
(2^8^, A. MooKB, certainly one of the gems of the Exhibition.. ''An 
Aadienoe at Agrippa's" (249), AucA-TAnnfA, one of the finest examples 
of the artist's work. Of the subject pictures, '.' The Apothecary " (156), 
H. S. Marks, is one of the best examples of this artist, who goes on 
steadily getting better and better every year. He never gave such colour 
before; the tawny green tone is delicious. " Richard the Second resigning 
the Grown" (Sir Johh Gilbirt), is, perhaps, the most perfect work he has 
ever given to the world. Coming to works of a more melodramatic 
character, "The Wreck" (13), W. Small; "A LincohishiM Gang " (46), 
E.W. Macbith; "Satniday Night" (62), F. Barhard ; "At Peath's 



Door" (412), H. Hrrkombr ; "The Widower" (476), L. Fildbs, must 
nmk among the best. 

Of the lady portraits, "Mrs. Sebastiah Sohlisihgek" (248), J. E. Mn.- 
LAI0, is the most lovely. As a companion to this, on the walls hangs a 
portrait of Lord LtttoiT (240), also a fine example of Millais' work. 
Watts, Pirm, Orohardsoh, and Oulbss, all send fine examples of their 
portrait work ; and there is a fine example of FAnmr (86) ; but why were 
two of the finest portraits (17 and 254), by ^ J. Gbbgort, "skied" t 
This 18 the moet shameful piece of hanging in the entire Exhibition. 

Of the Lmdscapes, we find in a place of honour "The Hop Gardens of 
England " (161), 0. G. Lawsoh. It is well known that this pietnre was 
among the rejected of last year. This ought to be enoouragbg to some 
of the goad men who have found no place on the Academy walls this year. 
" Over the Hills and Far Away " (106), Millais, will be a great favourite. 
In this branch of art there is se much that is good, that we can but men^ 
tion (20) B. W. Lbadir, (62) H. E. Eobbrtsok, (161) 0. E. Holloway, 
(166) D. Murray, (888) E. H. Fahby, (427) McWhirtbr, (440) C. N. 
Hbmy, (462) J. AuicoHiER, (471) J. Farquharson, (483) M. Fisher, 
(691) T. Wadb ; (886) Prtbr Graham, all good honest manly work, such 
as does credit to the English School ; while in seascape the three finest 
works in the gallery are (466) H. Moorb ; (176) E. Hayes; (98) H. 
Maoallum. 

Judy, who is the kindest creature in the world (a fact universally ad' 
mitted by every man alive, except perhi^s the Man P. )^'iE yvcj pleased to 
mention these clever joung men*s names. It will make th^ fortunes, 
that is all. 



MusioiAHS and vocalists spring naturally in some places, but here it 
seems as though they wanted planting first. Would a Sinosr's wwing 
machine be any good ? 

Where to find Babbits -Over in tV Boro'. 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOUENAL. [Mat 3, 1876. 



NURSERY MORALS. No. 2.-The aiant^EUlar. 



I HATB eTerr roMOn to belieTe that abnormaUj large men are 
oomparatiTely harmless. There most be exoeptiomi of oonrse, 
and Iwill give yon " Sir Boosa " and Count Fosoo. The Count, 
bj the way, is a fictitions personage, and perhaps ''Sir Roosa" 
was also rather that way inclined. 

These, however, were enormously &t men, not giants, and I 
haT6 to do with giants. Now, we haye it on good-authority, that 
the intellect of a 
giant is generaUy 
as weak as his knees. 
We hear over and 
over again of giants 
in shows being aw- 
fully bulUed by the 
''smallest man in 
the world," who 
traTels with him, and 
who is exhibited out- 
side on the parade 
in a largish-sized 
doll's honse,through 
the roof of which he 
pokes out his head, 
whilst he rings a 
bell from the se- 
oond-floor window, 
and rests his feet 
in the front, par- 
lour. 

I knew a giant 
once who was the 
owner of a very 
larffe public-house 
and a very small 
wife, and, oh my ! 
did'nt she sive it 
him sometimes. 
The customers 
gaaed a^e-struck 
across the counter 
upon his colossal 
proportions, and 
whiq^ered one to an- 
, other that a blow 
from his brawny 
fist would break a 
man up like an egg 
beneath a sledge- 
hammer. Yetw£m 
this giant went out 
of a night, and alter 
taking a little more 
than was sood for 
him, oame blunder- 
ing in, tumbling 
oyer the mat, his 
sold was filled with 
dire apprehension 
at the sound of her 
Toloe coming from 
above, and he would 
crawl to bed on his 
hands and knees, 
trembling at each 
sound. ' 

That little woman 
did give it to that 

gisntl Sometimes, when he could bear it no longer, he would 
catoh her up as you might do a kitten, and seat her on the top 
of a high eupboard in the back psrloor, where he kept her till she 
promised to oe more reasonable. When he lifted her down again, 
she broke her word, of course, and ^ye it him worse than ever. 

The sulrject of the accompanying illustration is a professional 
giant killer, who may be obsenred going through an enchanted 
wood, and not carins a button for the mgons and other strange 
beasties there abounding. 



This is none other than the famous Jack, whose murders have 
become historical He is not as young as he was, but the fellow 
is disgustingly conceited of the career x>f butchery he has carried 
on so long, and this fact the artist has deyerly indioated by the 
almost exce^ye feathering of Jack's hat 

Tou may rest assured he has feathered his nest on the same 
dimensions. He had no earthly right to the gold, he plundered 

the giants ci, that 
need not be said, 
but he stuck to it, 
started a loan office, 
if my information 
is correct, and made 
a very good thing 
of it altogether. By 
steady application 
to his business, I 
don't think, in the 
end he caused yery 
much more desola- 
tion and distress 
than the giants had. 
There are Jacks 
now-a-days who 
kill allegorical 
giants, so to speak, 
and make an un- 
commonly fine 
thing of it too. 
These Jacks, who 
occasionally come a 
long way for this 
purpose, attack the 
Giant Vice from the 

C* form, and slay 
to their own 
entire satis&otion, 
with a loud yoice 
and lots of bad 
grammar, whilst 
some one else sends 
round the hat 

I haye no objec- 
tion to theGiant Vice 
getting slain. As a 
comic person, who 
otherwise has pass- 
ed a pure and spot- 
less life, my sym^- 
thies are all with 
the Jacks; but yet 
it does seem rather 
unjust that the 
giants of ancient 
times should haye 
been exterminated 
so unceremoniously 
Whatdidtheydo? 
They had the mis- 
fortune to be bom 
of a size requiring 
an extra amount of 
nourishment, but I 
belieye they really 
only ate what was 
necessary to keep 
up their stamina. 
I neyer heard of a g^ant taking sherry and bitters before dinner. 
He caused famine in the lanci, you say. But you must remem- 
ber, to keep ibingi square, he ate men and women, as well as 
cows and sheep. Giye a giant his due. 

You talk about famine, too. Is the depopulation as bad as the 
oyer-population. There are some ridiculously little men, in ex- 
tremely impoyerished circumstances, who are fathers of huge 
families, and they are respected for it On my saered word of 
honour, I mean what I say — ^they are respected for it ! 



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Mat 8, i8>6;] JTJDY, OB THE J/MDON SEBIO-COMIC JOUBNAL. 

THE D0IN6-UP OF THE JUDY OFFICE. (From a Sloperian Point of View.) 



DuAiNo the w«6k there has 
been ohao9 «t 73, Fleet 
Street. 

The whitewaahera and the 
paintera have been in; the 
carpentera and plumbers 
have ^et to coma. A. Slo- 
FSB, like Another dove from 
the ark, nas found no reat 
for the sole of his foot, or 
any pUce where lie 4Mwld 
repoee What and nmliiella 
with anything like safety. 

These have been atining 
times at 79. v 

The head cashier looks 
anziona, and thi«e of tiie 
clerks haye snccmnbed to 
the smell of paint. The 
office-boy alone seems cheer- 
fuL He fills np his spare 
time by making pntty pills, 
which Laiswallows. A.Slo- 
FSB Mr the boy's mother 
are tt^ionsly awaiting re- 
Bidta. * *3. 

DmfeMf the week p<^werM 
ezoiteuMtt has proTailed in 
Fleetr6t^t, and pnblic de- 
monstiations have taken 
place. Very rarely has so 
mnch strong feeling been 
manifested in the £.0. dis- 
trict Bat it cannot be over- 
looked that the eyent is one 
of national importance, and 
we mnst be prepared for 
even more thisn' has yet 
taken place. Meanwhile 
A. Slopkb remains firm and 
resolnte. 

The malevolent in this 
crisis have not been idle. A rtimoor reached Slopsb'b suburban 
residence at an early hour the other morning that Junir was done 
up. A. Sloper immediately got out of bed and took off his boots 
to think. For a time he was, as it were, paralyzed; then reason 
resumed its place, and he remembered to have heard that the 
JuDT qffiee was going to be done up, and he saw that the intelli- 
gence, as above imparted to him, was wilfolly incorrect. 

Arriving in due course at 73, he found anarchy prevailing, 
combined with the chaos piisviously alluded to. A ruish of cus- 
tomers were struggling with the wjutewaahers, and had not 
A. Slopkb, with his usual promptitude and presence of mind, 
himself acted as salesman when the cashier's back was turned, 



2 

J 



Slopkb to 



tiave gou 
As it ia 
he canno 
right 
nrer, is 
took pL 
y. As ii 
lese ocean 
e gathered! 
rof Juny'i^ 
3^ the mo- 
tors wert 
I wired in 
the witty 
I w number, 
lay throng^ 
r, and the* 

»LOFBB is 

1" was on 

sing in and 
nbordinate 
10 had to 
itep-ladder 
row aVout 
I afuqgnlar 
heciiMam- 

r^piiWjply 
taon of the 
ver quitted 
ough men 
men might 
f him, and 
if the case 
lat the fat 
>ack turned 
od thus re- 

7, and yet 
The shades 

the JBwcue. o- T^r-^^ £®' ^^ 

scene, and the , office-boy 

came out and jostled him with a shutter. 

After a time the office-boy returned to the interior of the 
premises with wild looks. The boy said he had asked the 
stranger to move, and he said he couldn't The boy had asked 
him why, and he said he had stuck to the plant, and if he went 
away, he'd have to leave a lot of his wardrobe behind. 

Matters began to look serious. It was proposed that the 
shades of night should be allowed to gather a httle longer, and 
then A. Slopeb went forth with the office scissors. 

* ♦ * ♦ ♦ :(c • 

Sloper, Operative l^foralist. 



Q^' IN TH.E CORNER. 

So liTely of late kaye been the debaten in the House of Commons tiLat 
bonoozable membera had to be called to order vith tuniBaal Ireqnenej. 
Mr. AHDBBflOM, who seems to aspure to occupy the aaihe reputation among 
the Scotch members as Mr. Biogab among the Irish and Dr. Ebitbalt 
among the Eogli&h, was seyeral times called to order. Whether he is not 
the pink of politeness, or the House fails to appreciate his good taste and 
the felicity of his language, a speech from the hon. member for Glasgow 
is usually accompanied by shouts of "Oh, oh! "and "Order!" His 
remarks on Thursday night touching his favourite theme, the Mittletoe 
disaster, were of so lively a character that " they were drowned by cries 
of * Order ! * *' The House does not appreciate his wit. 

Mr. Fawpett was more than once called to order. He is always wanting 
*<&cilitie8" for something. Lately he has been seeking "facilities" to 
censure the House of Commons and the Ministry for their behaviour in 
the matter of the Royal Style and Titles Bill. As a rule, people do not 
ffidubit mnch alacrity to create "facilities" lor having their ears boxed, 
and the leader not unnaturally declined to furnish the member for Hackney 
with what he wanted. This is a rather trying disadvantage for the hon. 
member. Stili he is not unhappy. He promises to make for himself the 
** faoilities " he is in search of. 

Of eouise Mr. Pumboll was called to order ; but he withdrew any 
expression "not proper to the occasion." 



The need of a Select Committee to prepare a Maaoal of ParMamentary 
forms and language is obvious. In the debate on the Women's Disabili- 
ties Removal Bill, phrases were used that such a Manna] would undoubt- 
edly condemn. Mr. Smollbtt spoke , of those wonvsn who agitate in 
favour of the Bill as people who " acquired a notoriety, or gained a 
notoriety, " by the movement. He described some ladies who had attacked 
him — ^probably they were listening to him from behind the grating— as 
"a set of demnition savage lamluu" Mr. Chapliit characteriEed the 
advocates of ^e Bill as " a bustling clique of m^tsculine women and femi- 
nine men." Altogether, it was an undi^ually lively debate. In the end, 
the lords of the creation decided, by 289 to 152, that women were not a 
" dasB " apart from men, and with olaims to independent Parliamentary 
representation. Q. 

NOW BBADT, 

17^1 1 O rv-P ^^ TTTTIV " Handsomely Bound In Rod Cloth.TGUt 

vol. lO 01 OUUXf Letters and Bdgea« price Eight ShmiBgs, 

Containing Hundreds of Pictures, Judy's famous Political Cartoons, and 

innumerablo Comic Stories, Ef says, and Poems. 

Also, Casbs fob Bikdivo, Two Shillings each, and Rbadtko CxaiB, One Shilling 
and Foarpenoe each. 

To be obtained through all Booksellers and Newsagents, and at 
"JUDY" OFPIOB, 78, FLEET STREET, B.C. 



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JUDY, 0(B THE LONDON SEBI0-C50MIC JOUENAL. [Mix 8, 1876. 



WOMAN: 

HER II88I0I AH HER IMTER. 



Small-tiud PoliHeimL I don't think, Jonnrr, 
you are old enoagh to tindflntand what it waa tbmr 
did want, bat when 70a grow older yoa moec 
likely will 



How happy I shall be when I grow up 
and am old enoush to iiae all theew 
things as Mamma does 1 



Petticoat Oovemment.^TbiB is what the Ulsten 
and Tight Skirts will meet likely oome to. The 
person In front is a young man of the mala sex. 
That is a female girl ac the back. 



, EBMAEKS ON, GXEDENING. * 
Now that the weather ia aetUed oiice more (it has ntot anowed for 
more than half a da7)^iiow is the titae for peno&a who are fond 
of gardening to indniilKe themaelyesto the top of their bent, or to 
the top of aome one dae'a bent, if that oomes handier. 

Landaoape gardening ia the beat form of this ennoblinff pnranit ; 
bat landaeaping requires spaoe, and cannot be oarried 'out with 
effect in a box on the window-ledge of a second-floor back. 
Those who have space, however, shomd at once begin planting 
genealogical treea; if you have not one of yonr own, yon can 
easily l^now one of somebody else. A brewer's plant, too, is a 
thing which looks well in a garden, and is sure to pay the grower. 

Moat kinds of palma do well if the situation is favourable, but 
the '* itching palm " is a variety of the tribe which generally 
tnma out ansrasfu^tory. 

Budding geniuses should be carefally cultivated, and rooted 
ayeraiona grubbed up. 

Widows' weeds are undeairable things in a garden, but there 
is a kind of weed which comes from Havannah, and is not half 
80 had. 

It is best not to go in for any kind of mm shrub, and grog 
bloaaoma are objectionable. 

Follow out these directions carefully, and you will soon be all 
a-growing and a-blowing. 



SHOBT MEMS. FOE SHOET MEMOEIBS. 

• • 

Mkm. Foa Pabttbs about to Brew.— The right place in 
which to set up a brewing establishment is Malt-a. There 
is the further charm about this locality that fliere would be no 
hop*po8ition. 

• • • 

His 0rFBM0K.-T-A little boy was charged the other day at one 
of the police courta with having committed the rather peculiar 
offence of *' going to aleep in a gas-pipe." . If it be urged that 
this was not a very great crime, it must, nevertheless, be admitted 
that the juvenile o^ender was *' wrong in the main." 

SOMBTHINO THB POUCB HAVB OvBBLOOKBD. — Post-offiCO rob- 
beries are of such frequent occurrence in these days, that nobody 
is surprised to find a record of one in his morning paper ; but an 
announcement was made the other day in connection with St. 
Martin's-le-Grand which is really shocking. In a certain part 
of the building thev put up a notice that they ahould actually 
" despatch a male mree times every week-day." Horrible ! 

Lboal Mbu.— It is well to be polite under all drcumatanoea ; 
but neverthelesB remember that many a man has been a heavy 
loser all through a civil action. 



vAUDUIlI OhibefbeshingII 

COCOA ESSENCE 



ImU at th« Torkihir* 



CAUTIOK 
"If Oocoa 

thtcupitU 
mixed with 
starch. 



SIGNAL VICTORY m the nomt Orud OomiMtltloB, ImU 
RxUlyitlon. All oomen were Bmmo, aad th* onljr Medal 



TAYLORS PATENT 



ITh« jrtw TmprowemtnU reoentlf added to tbsM MAoblnei 
lender them tttperior to all ether* for F»mt^ and Dreae- 
makliix purpoaea. iDtending pursbMera ahooTd aee them, 
or aend for a Frocpeotai to Taylor'a Patent Sewing Maohina 
Oompaay. Qraat tofiald, or 97. Cheapaide, London. 



SEWING 
MACHINES. 



PttUlidied by the Preprietor, at 73, Fleet Street, B.O. Printed Woodiall A Kindkb, Mnford Lane, Strand, W.O.— Wsdhudat, Hay 3, 1878 



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gMAT 10, 1876.] JUDY, OR THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOURNAL. 



81 



SCIENTIFIC SCRUFFLES' NON- EXPLOSIVE POWDER. 



i 



SoBDvrus from earlj youth wu of a aoientifio Bat hit grsM idat i 

turn of mind. powder. 



w In gun- " Now/' thought he, when he got to TberaforQ he eel esrioudy to 

mtn'e estate* " u I ooold inrent a new work, aod at last suooaeded to 
ezploslTe to supersedo aU othersl" his aatiafaotion. 



So he had bDls posted, saying 
that Professor Bcbuitueb woold, 
on a certain day, glre a lecture 
with experiments on a new non- 
ezplosiTe powder. 



^Oh ths Nioht— "and Ladies and Gentlemen, I 
hare here a barrel of my non-ernlostre powder. I wiU 
now fearlessly sit on that barreC and «Uow one of the 
audience to plaoe this red hot poker to the bung-hole! 
——Will any gentleman kindly step up T ** 



** Now, sir, be kind enouzh 
to apply the poker to Jum 



Somehow or othvr w« could 
S38 the kindneu of the act. 



ne^er 



NIGHTCAP ESSAYS. 

By a Fhilotopher in 8Upp«n. 

No. U.—Om Salam, Niob Qiblb, aiid Oxhkb Fooubhxub. 

"THDroBy" as a oelelvatod Clown used to remark at pantomime time, 

" im't as they did use to was.*' 

And poor Fudlkobb was rery right : they are not. No, not one hit of 
it I Why, we ean't eren '* Olown " as we naed to Oiown in the Fux- 
voBiAv days, and I tow and declare Nice Qtir\M are nbt one-half to nice 
as *' they did nae to was." At the same time I am ready to stake my 
reputation as the One and Only Philosopher in Slippers that Salads are 
fallen off wof ally, shamelessly, and in a way only to be described as really 
and tmly heartrending. 

I hare jost retomed from a picnic at Virginia Water, and if yon erer 
catch me going to another in tlus *' merry month of ACay," 1*11 eat my 

head. Vm certain Tre canght my death of cold ! Booh ! What a 

day we did haye, to be sore! And the eating— erery thing cold as 

ChristmasI GK>od gradons ! And the drinking, Lord ! And the 

damp grass, and that nice hail coming down so blithely, which ioed oar 

champagne without so much as a "with yonr leare.*' What an old 

Fool I was to go ! How doll the people were t What a set of stapid, 

plain frights were the *' Nice Girls ** I was promised to meet I What a 

horrible mess was that much-boasted Salad made by the young man in 

the checked Ulster ! —the only sensible thing, by the way, about him. 

Sow jolly eold and mtMrable I do feel I Where's my hot grog? Wnere's 

my warmest Nightcap? Soh i Come, this is better than that damp 

grass at Virginia Water, and, if it were not for that confounded Salad— 
uh I oonfonnd it ! 

Nice Girls, indeed 1 Pooh! Pdhaw I They seem to be as sctree 
n')W4t-dajB as nice Salads. Are the good M. recipes for " Making a Nice 
•lirl** deemed too good and old-fashioned— toe slow for these rapid times, 
I wonder T When I was a Nice Boy, there used to bs Nice Girls in plenty ; 
where are th^ all now ? Ay, where ? Boho alone sadly answeri me. 



Ah, dear me t Ah, well, well 1 " Things isn'tas they did use to was," 
and, perhaps, it's just as welL Supposing, now, for instance, I had been 
so far bewitched by Miss Phillib in " thoie di^" so long ago, when I 
was *< down " for '* the long," and pretending to be " reading like bricks ** 
with Tom Sapfhio, of Morton, at that snog little hostel near Bonohureh, 
Isle of Wight— supposing, I say, I had been so far bewitched by the way 
Miss PfliLLis used to mix our salads then as to hare made her Mrs. 
PaiiK)S0PaaB, would Miss ** Philus be my only joy " now f Who knows T 
Why, she might be the deuce and all of *' my only worry " I 

Tet, dear me, how prettily those litde white hands gleamed as th«y 
deftly broke the lettuce into the salad-bowl I how tender were her looks 
as she inqaired sweetly whether she had put " quite enoagh oil " ! Ten- 
der, ay, tender and swest as her lettuce. Yes, she wu a '* Nice Girl," 
and her Salad was a "thing of beauty and a joy," instead of being like 
that concocted by the youth in the Ulster, which I feel now to be anything 
but "a joy" inside. 

Dear ms, I decUre it was a positiTe pleasure to watch Her preparing 
those Salads ! How earrfM^ did She ftrst wash, and then thoroughly 
dry, the lettuce : you woulda*t catoh Ber drown it in water, glre it a 
shake, and then chuok it, wet and gritty, into the bowl, as that dreadful 
youth did. Would She either, as hi did, chop it up with a $teel ktUfe t 
Not She, but She would break it gently into pieces with her own white 
fingers, so that you got no steel-knife fli^Tour to jar with the aroma 
of the delicate regetable. Then her '* dressing'* ! Would She, like that 
fearful young male impostor, take her two hard-boiled eggs, and, thopping 
them up wholetale, sprinkle them orer a wet compoSnd of lettuce, raauhe$f 
and waterereetee, and then, m%Vin; a horrible decoction in an eleetroplate 
spoon of equ%i qaantities of oil aad vinegar, some ready-made mustard, 
salt, and pepper, throw it orer the lettuce, and stir the whole up with his 
reeking steel knife and fork ? Ah, dear m9 ! No —a thoaiaud times No t 
She wjull first put the yo^Ja only of her eggt (boiled not more than eight 
minutes, S9 that the yolks should no^ be dark -coloured) iuu> a clean and 
empty bisin, with one teaspisnfal of dry must%rd, a UttU peppsr and leas 
sslt, anl one tsblespooufal of oil ; She would then gently work that 



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32 



JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIO JOURNAL. [Mat lo, 1876. 



admixture into.a smooth paste, and gradually add three tablespoon fola of 
oil to tvo of Tinegar ; when She had mixed this to the consistency of 
cream, She wtnld add two or three leayes of tamgon, and just one little 
shalot, minutely minced ; She would next cat the whites of the eggs into 
Email pieces, pop them into the basin, and the sauce being thoroughly 
mixed, she would thin a^d the lettuces, with a small handful of garden 
cress, stirring the whole well together with a wooden spoon and iork. 
Ah, yes, Hers vrere, indeed, the Poetry of Salads ! I never get the like, 
now-a-jdajs. I don't believe lettuces ever grow so tender as they used to do. 
I am sure Nice Girls don't. 

I remember, also, another memorable Salad which was Poetical, and so 
Artistic as to approach the results of a bom Gknius. I had just been 
called to the Bar, and had taken chambers in Yerulam Bdildin^, Gray*8 
Inn— a top floor, quiet as a country village. One hot noon in July I was - 
sitting disconsolately, " waiting for a brief." I had nearly dropped off 
into a dcze. A knock at my '* outer oak "roused me. My clerk had 
"just stepped out" to '* Gray's Inn Larder" for his dinnep I opened the 
door myself. A Vision, or rather a brace of Visions, of Grace and Beauty 

itled into and seemed to fill ! 



she is in the title rdiUy and it is a powerful performance throughout ; whilst 
Mr. Abthur Ceoil, as Doctor Downward, gets his first good chance. Ju£t 
now, real plays are far from plentiful, so, Hon'r'd Ma'am, pray do not 
neglect to see this 'one. 

This appears to be an age of revivals. Mr. Burr and' s burlesque* 
VAfricaine, is cleverly written, and, no doubt, Miss SwAHBORouaH has 
done well by revising it. Miss Claudi, in the part originally taken by 
Mr. Thomas Thorns, dances capitally, and Monsieur Marius and Mr. 
TxRRT are good, as usuaL Meanwhile, the course of Mr. Chsltvam's 
Lesson in Lovt runs smoothly, and 3iiss Swanbobough has a character 
which suits her very well. 



#>ny i^ogy room. I rubbed my 
^ eyes, and recognized in one 

Vision Mrs. Tom Sapphic, nie 

Miss Clara Fitzplantaginet, 

and late of the Royal Boudoir 

Theatre, now the very charming 

wife of that rising '* Junior *' of 

the Hoiiaie Circuity T. Sapphic, 

Esq., and my ancient' Oxford 

**Co8ch." The Other Vision 

was introcinced to me by Mrs. 

Sapphic sM " My sister Bosii, of 

the Boudoir ; dees * the juvenile 

lead* there now, you know." 
It then appeared that Mrs. 

Sapphic broqght a note from 
' ICoM, asking me to join a ^arty 
, b« had mjAt up to diog^at 
;^^ve|4iig at the "Star and *(3k- 

tei^^ and go on the river affer- 

wajrjn; *'and would I £iye i^e 

Isdtai* littl^^bitof li^dLlind 

bring them on. afftimra to 

meet him at Waiexloo V* 
"Wouldn't I just ! But how 

about the lunch ? My derk was 

out "What should we do ? 
We went off to "the pantry," 

an old lock-up cupboard on the 

landing, which I shared in part- 
nership with another fellow who 

had the rooms underneath. Now 

it' so happened that the "other 

fellow" had had "a little din- 

ner in chambers " the preceding 

night, and we found a large 

portion of t fine turbot put by. 
"The very thingi" cried 

Miss B08IB, seizing on it at 

once with tiny pearl-grey hands 

— "sixes" I could swear to — 

and sparkling big black eyes. 

" Now I tell you what: if you'll 

jast pop out to the nearest 

shops and get me a few things, 

I'll make you one of my famous 

fish salads." She made out 

her list— I sallied forth witi an empty basket, 

hunting about, returned in triumph with my 



PABLIAMEKTAET NOnCSS, MAT, 1880. 

HiGBT Hon. W. £. Gladstone — To ask the Prime Minister 
whether, taking into account the imperial method of chariot- 
driving in the Plains of Troy, it is to be understood as an essen- 
tial part of a Premier's duty, 
under the Bojal Titles Act, 
to upset the coach ? 

Right Hon. R Lowk— To 
ask Sie OhanceUor of the 
Exchequer whether, in the 
eyent of his (Mr. Lowe) 
finding half-a-orown in his 
pocket, that moiety will in 
future have to be regarded 
as regal or imperial ? 

Sir W^. Hakooubt — To 
ask the Solicitor-Ctoeral 
whether, having regard to 
the well-known legal maxim, 
'* Qui faoit proelium facet Par- 
see," it will be expected that 
u&der the impenal system 
leading members of the Op- 
position shall worship the 
rising sun? 

Mr. Fawcxtt — To ask 
^▼eiybodv whether the pain- 
fid ftnd humiliating procla- 
mation of the Impmal title 
by the Sherifis at Brentford 
will be eventually repeated 
at Hackney, and whether a 
day can be given him evezy 
week during the ^remainder 
of the century to move a 
vote of censure on the Go- 
vernment in power for the 
time being ? 



CONNUBIAL BLISS. 

Irate Wife {whose husband has returned home late), "Now, Tll just 

aiVK TOU A PiKCK OF MY MlKD." 

Husband. "Dom't, my Dkas, tou oah't Spark it!'* 



PDIS AM) NEEDLES 

From Judj'i Wonk-bts. 

Dead Swindles— Under- 
takers' bills. 

Best W(a)m Oflf— Rink 
Slippers. 

Well Worn — ^Victokia's 
old TiUe. 



and after a little 
_, haskct full. Theee 
were, if I recollect aright, the half of a cold chicken, half a lohster, a 
pint of ihrimpa, a lettuce, a small cucnmher, a piece of heetroot, wme 
tarragon and chervil, a little eorrel, two hard-hoiled eggs, eome endive, 
a penn'orth of watercrewe?, some mayonaiae sauce, and tbe cold tnrhot. 

MiEB RosiE took off the pearl-grey •*tixe8," and in an astonishinglj 

short period she prepared a Salad which^hut the memory of that Salad 

IB too much for me; the "nicenesa" of Misa Rosib e'en now— ah, dear 

me I Where are they all now— those **Kice Girls," those iolly "Salad 

Days"? •' 

I'll put myself to bed. "Where's my Nightcap ? 



THE ONLY JONES. 
A GEimirB entertainment ia just now to he found at the Glohe, where 
Mits Gwilt, wonderfully improved since its first representation, is being 
played to appreciative audiences. Misa Cayskdish waa never better than 



The Seat of War— The oamp-stooL 
T^E Rolling Passion— Binking. 
The Eastern Qnestion^What next? 
Gone Wrong !~That Man P. 
A Flat Hace — People who fall at Kinks. 
The Best Letters of Introdnction— L. S. D. 
Floating Capital — ^The British Fleet. 
The First Slave Circular— Gold. 
The Great International Tie— The Atlantic Cable. 
One for Scotland Yard. — What sort of figures are like brawls 
at a police station ? — Qaod wrangles. 
Art in the Market — Slofer's. 
Cheap Trains without Duty — Trains of thought. 
Drawn Game — Hie poor badger in Hyde Park. 
A Bound of Pleasure — The lUnk. 
The most Popular Man in the Service — Private Bar. 
Degradation after Dinner — Lying Low(e). 



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JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEEK 



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MIC JOUBNAL—Max 10, 1876. 



^ HOME. 

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Mat 10, 1876.] JTJDT, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOUENAL. 



37 




SHOKT MEMS. ¥0E SHOET MEMDEIES. 

UST SO.— It is rnmonred 
that "the Right Hon. 
RoBBBT Lows is employ- 
ing his leisure in me 
oonstraction of a work 
of fiction." After his 
speech at Retford, no 
one will he surprised to 
read this. Far more 
astonishment would be 
created by an announce- 
ment that the Member 
for the University of 
London was engaged 

upon a matter of ract 

• 

AnnoE TO Traybllbbs 

WHO ABB AnNOTBD IN 
EZOUBSTON TbUMS. — 

What to do with a per- 
son who annoys you 
with silly "chaflf" — 
thresh him. 

DiSTINOTJISHBD VlSl- 

T0B8. — Two negro non- 
commissioned officers, 
Honssas, have arrived 
in England from Ashantee, and were honoured by an invitation 
in the company of Mr. Stbahan, Governor of the €K>ld Coast, 
to attend the review held in the Long Valley, Aldershot, in the 
presence of Her Majes^ the Qubkn. These highly honoured 
representatives of onr Ashantee allies are named Sergeant-Major 
Oto and Sergeant Awunn. It is not announced by what route 
Ihey travelled to our shores, but doubtless they came by the 
Black Mail 

Fob thb Comino Season* — The very cheapest trip out — An 
excursion into the realms oi Uncj. Return tickets are available 
for an unlimited period. 

• • 

Pebhaps Somebody will Answeb. — A contemporary, supposed 
to be especially smart upon social subjects, asserts that " One of 
the most important of the questions which concern the present 
generation is this, Are the you^ females who have just blos- 
somed into womanhood fitted for wives?" This is, doubtless, 
important enough ; but another quety which seems iust as perti- 
nent is this, Are the young females of the present day fitted for 
husbands ? 

Light EirFix)TMENT (adapted to the very weakest) — ^Turning 
on the gas. 

• • 

Fbom Woolwich. — The monster 81-ton ffun has undergone 
another triaL After hearing the report and seeing the effect 
made upon tihe target by the missile hurled against it by this 
monster, one begins to understand what is meant by " thunder 
andturl** 

MusioAL Mem. — A treble singer does not sing three times as 
often as those who have the other parts ; sometimes, however, 
she is paid three thnes as much. 

• • 

Tbtino to Account fob It. — The papers are rather duU just 
now, and a contemporary is reduced to a discussion of the ques- 
tion. How is the *' fastness " of the present generation to be 
accounted for ? Perhaps the explanation may be found in the 
fact that the English are the descendants of a good many dif- 
ferent " races " of people. 

• • 

Intbbestiko to the Fbemch Atlantic Tbleobaph Company. — 
A new way of making both ends meet— Splicing the Atlantic 
cable. 

• • 

Thb Reason Why.— In a speech delivered by Sir W. Lawson 
on his £Eivourite subject, he is reported to have said that " the 



ship of the State was in imminent danger of foundering " — pro- 
bably because she has so much liquor on board. It is, doubtless, 
this fear which makes the Member for Carlisle and his fiiends %> 
anxious that we should all of us take to the pump. 

• • ^^ 

Useful Hint. — How to make a coat last— Why, make the 
other garments first, to be sure. (Nobody but a tailor can do 
this properly, of course.) 

• • 

To Amateub Gabdenkbs. — Flowers of rhetoric, when not too 
luxuriant, are occasionally acceptable for after-dinner use, though 
they generally come ratl^er late in the day. 

Heb Majesty's New Title.— A good deal has been said 
against the Royal Titles Act, but no one will deny that it has 
been received avec Ewpre$s{e)ment, 

• • 

Anotheb Gbievance. — ^Provision has been made, imder a 
recent Act, so it is said, "to secure a more complete registry of the 
deeds of married women." Fancy ! This is really an unwarrant- 
able interference with individual liberty. The members 6f the 
Woman's Rights Association, especially those who happen to be 
encumbered with husbands, will probably have somethmg to say 
about this crowning act of tyranny. 

• • 

A CoBBEonoN. — ^It is an error to suppose that the sweets of 
domestic life — of which we hear a good deal now and then — are 
kept in family jars. 



THE CAB 0? THE PERIOD. 

What's this old thing I see, 

Oabbj, my dear f 
What might it's use now be, 

Q charioteer ? 
Pray, wh«n did you unearth. 
And what, tbidk yon, might b« worthy 
Horse and cab like to theee, ^ 

Cabby, my ^Lear I 

Agea ago, mayhap. 

Old fog^ queer 
Bejoioed in your oraxy trap, 

Cabby, my dear ; 
Bat now its day is past. 
And in thia time so fast 
It will not do at all. 

Cabby, d'ye hear ? 

Take it, oh, take it 

Away, Cabby dear ! 

Firewood make of it. 

Cold hearths to cheer. 

As for yonr sorry nag, 

Nothing but bone and scrag, ' 

Sell him for dits'-meat, and 
Let^s bare a beer! 



MEETnras fob the ensuing week. 

M<m, — Meeting of art critics outside 73, Fleet Street, to inspect the 
progress of the gigantic alterations and repairs. 
„ Meeting and drinking of Sik>pbr and Mosis CTcry half -hour, 
Tues, — Meoting of the office-boy at 1 p.m., at the d 2a mode beef- shop 
round the comer. 
„ Disappointment of the crowd at not finding the window dressed in 
the usoal artistic manner, on account of the repairs. 
Wed. — Meetings by midnight alone, and bathing in the Fleet Ditch, from 

seven to eight, of printers* derils. 
iThvT, — Meeting of Slopib's creditors, adjourned for the production of a 
list of assets. 
„ Meeting of the Tripe and Trotter Society at the ''Cheddar 
Cheese." 
Fri. — Meeting between the Bditor and an old man, who shall be nameless. 
Seconds, &c., disposed of at Haatit's. 
„ Crowd outside the office to see the shutters put up, at 5 p.m. 
iS^.— Meeting of nnmerous popular comedians, at various treasuries, 

from 1 to 2 p.m. 
. , , Meetings of the same at yarious refreshment bars for the rest of the 
afternoon. 
„ Bushings, after the '' first night," of panting public to get into the 

houses before they are closed. 
,, Meeting of lodgers and landladies on the stain, who hate been 
sitting up tl& 1 a.m., with a statement of their litUe accotint. 



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A DAY'S FISHING. 



u 



!.->*' I masi My it's a deuce and 
all of a walk in the hoi ran be&re 
I get to |the xiTer, but when I 
get there ♦ ♦ * Ah I" 



2.—" HaUo, yon ar I youVe got »y plaee.*' " How 
Mffintcomefintierred." «Noiatall, nr; rTeitood 
here ten yean : the place ia generally allowed to be 
mine.** '* Yon onght to hare written yonr name on it." 



$..-<' Well, ai he won't gifo the place 
np, rd better take what I oan get 
Let's bait the hook and think no more 
abont it.** 



4.— "Now for it I" 



5.~"A nibble at laet** 



8.—" Go about yonr boaneo, wifl yon ? " 




7.~" Oonfonnd it, air 1 Call yoor dog off, 
will yon t He's frij^tening the fiah." 



8.— "Why, oy Jore I Mr, that— 
that* a my fiahingrod." 



9.— "Well, air, yon may oall two atickle 
baoka aport; but if a fonrteen-ponnd pike 
had not carried away my line * * *." 



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Mat 10, 1876:] JUPT, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. 



39 



^B^2S:ss^ZS^S^ 




^Sjzamiinni 



J 



THE EOXAL ACADEMT. 

(From ft 81op«riaa Point of Tlow.) 

It being thought desirable that A Slopkb shonld give his notions 
on art, he was, the other day, seen safely to the door of the 
Academy,, and watched past the pay place. N.B. — There is no 
occasion to overdo a tung ; it becomes offensive. The works 
of art from the gifted pendl of A. Slopbr accompanying this 
artide wonld have been soAcient goarantee that A. Slopeb had 
not otherwise applied lus shilUng. 

THE first object jtlhat stnick 
A* Sl^psb's aye on entering 
Gallery No., Vlj[.y was a 
snowball ehooked at it by a 
forward young female person 
of tender yemra^* , Strictly 
speaking, the snowball was 
not aotoally chucked, bnt 
only great presence of mind 
on the part .ai A Slopeb, 
combined with that air of 
command which v character* 
izea his.oidioaxy deportment, 
arrested the jprogress of the 
missile. S. Ssuijet is, how- 
evej^ much .|o blame to ex« 
hibttmg a work caknlat^* 
to eliconrage forwardness m 
young fem$Ia persons-^ a 
/^_ ^ Av » da — **^ *^* is not at all ne- 

child's mother, I should lead her homew«i^ gwiy^ ]{ff the e#jr, 
and smack her hard when I ha4 got her there. * ' •; 

HAVING got his eye safely out 
of this Gallery into Gallery 
No. III., A Slopbb imprudently 
ventured too near to «f . Pbttib, 
B.A., and got one on the nose. 
A. Slopbb is not personally 
acquainted with J. Psttia 
(though they are brothers in 
art), but he does not see why 
this Boyal Academician should 
assume so offensive an attitude. 
Looked at as a work of art, this 
is a very striking picture, but it 
seems an unnumly thing to A 
Slopbb to wear armour when 
hitting an inoffensive old man, 
as hitting him back again would 
do serious mischief to your own 
knuckles. He knew very well 
OneonthoNcwo. J. pktib, B.A. ^q ^^t A. Slopxb's umbrella 
had been taken away downstairs. Indeed, A. Slopeb is of 
opinion that it was all a got>up thing between him and the 
umbrella people. 

A. MOORE has called 
his picture " Beads/' 
but A. Slopbb (if he 
may be allowed the 
expression) will 
beadeed if he knows 
why. The proper 
title is, however, 
here given. The 
attitudes of these 
fair slumberers re- 
mind A. Slopeb of 
a poem he heard in 
childhood, two lines 
of which rtin thus : 

''When I came into the 
chamber, good heavens ! 

All them young gals was at 
6'a and 7's." 




The Misses Calypso going to By-bj and dreaming 
they are d^incing the Can-can in defiance of 
the Lord Chamberlaiu. A. Moors. 



S0& and bump themselves badly, he doesn't so mu<di mind. 
Upon reflection, it occurs to A. S. that perhaps A»|iCooRB calls 
the younff ladies themselves Beads. Looked at from that point 
of ^w, A. Slopbb would willingly take a stringfuL - 

THE last work A. Slopbb 
can find tinpie to notice 
this week is called '* For* 
bidden Fn£t" in th^ 
catalogue^ fiut perhaps 
"Sour Apple" wotdd 
have been better. The 
pathos in this picture is 
painfully inteiisified. Evi- 
dently (he infant has ain 
ready put away one apple 
of equal dimensions, and 
she is now sufferinff for 
it Alas, 'twas ever ttius ! 
A. Slopbb has had such 
experiences ; but why 
choose 80 sad a theme, 
J. £. MILL4IS, B.A.? 
Can nothii^ be done to 
alleviate the pangs of 
this misgoid^ little 




Tommilafike. J. B. Millais, R,A. 



A. Slopeb has, however, moihiDg to urge against the young 
ladies in question, and if they don't either of them fall off the 



girl ? • In the interests of our common humanity, let us hope she 
will not be allowed to go on this way during the whole period the 
Exhibition is open. 

P.S.— TheRoyalA 
nent institution, and i 
spirit^ wbich A. Slop 
balance in bronze. ] 
the proprietor of an 
care to leave it to 
almost impossible to 
concealed up one's bi 

• Royal Aoademioal MoraUst. 



EOBERT LOWE, M.P. 
(Bight Honourable 1) 

O Bobbbt Lowb, 

You ought to know. 
When bent upon an outing, 

There's danger great 

In idle prate. 
And after-dinner spouting. 

Was it the wine 

That brain of thine 
Bemused^^that you, loquacious, 

Made base attacks 

Behind men's backs. 
All proven now mendacious ? 

True gentlemen. 

By word or pen. 
Ne'er arrows shoot at random ; 

Nor poison' d darts, . ( 

By fits and starts, ' 

Hurl, vulgus ad captandiim ? ' 

Pray bear in mind, ' 

When you have dined, 
The Arab maxim olden — 

Speech silver is. 

But (after fiz !) 
Silence is truly golden. 

NOW READY, 

T7 1 lO r ^< TTT1^T^ " Handsomely Bound fai Red Cloth, Qilt 

Vol lO Ot JUJJl^ Letters and Bdges, price Eight Shillings, 

Containing Hundreds of Hctures, Judy's famous Political Cartoons, and 

innumerable Comic Stories, Essays, and Poems. 

Also, Cases for Bikdixo, Two ShiHings each, and RBADrRO Cassb, One Shilling 
and Fourpence each. 

To he obtained throxigh all Booycsellers and Kewaagents, and at 
"JUDY" OPFICJE, 78, FLEET STREET, B.C. 



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Mat 17, 1876.] JUDY, OR THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. 



41 



A CHANCE FOR SOMEONE, 

Tliere wu once a good kind Cook, who having often heard her Mistut regret not having any chUdrtn^ and tay that the would like to adopt tome 
dear little creature, thought the wot doing an act of kindnett when the introduced one whote mother wot bleited with at leatt a dozen more of the 
tame tort. We believe he wat declined with ihankt. 



THE PRINCE'S EETTJHN. 

LL the following eyents, 
(onmistakably 1) resulting 
from the happy return home 
of H.Rn. THE Prtnok of 
Walks, have, by some un- 
accountable miachance, been 
omitted from the glowing 
and otherwise most admir- 
able accounts which have 
. appeared of the Pbinok's 
landing at Portsmouth and 
his subsequent entiinsiastio 
reception : — 

Seyenteen thousand six- 
hundred and one squares 
of glass in the neighbour- 
hood of Portsmouth Har- 
bour are smashed to 
flinders. 
One hundred and nineteen newly-born infants will be christened 

Albbbt Edward. 
Mrs. Jenkins's housemaid purchases a new bonnet. 
Slopsr makes his fourteentn arrangement with his creditors. 
IxT MosBs has the brokers in. 

Spring cleaning sets in at Smithxbs Villa. Mrs. Smithbbs*s 
temper becomes uncertain, and Mr. S. begins to have press- 
ing engagements in the City untQ late in tne erening. 
The wind goes round to the East, and the meny doctor's boy 

ffoes hi$ round in consequence. 
School Board visitors urge on their wild career, and School 
Boards would become more unpopular than ever if it were 
possible. 



The Spelling Bee ceases flying, and lies by till next winter. 
The wiiite mshers and paint^s gather up their instruments of 

torture, and vacate the Judt office. General joy. 
Mrs. TooTsncs' baby cuts its first tooth. Mr. T. telegraphs 

this fact to his brother in Australia. 
Temple Bar shows another crack, and is shored up once more. 
In an unconscious moment Blr. Lows says a civil word to 

somebody. 
Judy's admirable paper is, if possible, better than ever. 



THUMB MARKS 

On Viw Books, Xisie, and other Things, 

Thb Maganne bf the month ii the Bdgrcma^ which, in the hands of Kessrs. 
CflATTo A; WniDOs, appears to be entering npon a new and brilliant 
career. Several good names are to be found among its list of oontribntors, 
and, what is more, the articles these names ar^ aflfixed to are good abo. 
It may however be obserred, by the way, that though the pubUahing office 
is a mile or two nearer the locality after which the magaslne is named, 
there is jet very little that is Belgrarian about its contents. 

Neither is there very much of London Society about London Society, 
bat it is a good number this month ; the contributions by Mrs. &os3 
Chvrob and Mr. Hittoh being very interesting. 

In MacmilUaCt there is a curious piece of Pidgin English Sing-Song, by 
Mr. Obablis Lilaitd, and «n article on Vermont by Mr. Charub A. Ools, 
whose name I should like to meet with more frequently in oar m^gMinA 
literature. 

Oar amusing young friend The Lyndon Magazine has reaohed its 
seventh month, «bd oondudes its first volame with great promises for the 
future, when Mr. Giobqi F. Pabdoh is to be the editor. 

** The Madness of Qsoaon III." is an article in the AUaiUiG Monthly 
which will attract much attention. 

There is an entertaining aooount of the Maelstrom, with illustratioM, in 
Oood l%ingty and a good story about a lioness and a terrier in Little Folkt. 



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42 



JUDY, OR THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. [Mat 17, 1876. 



SHOUT MEMS. FOE SHOET MEMOEIES. 

ECULIAK Abxeration of Mind 

ON THE PIKT OF A. SlOPBB. — A 

few nights since, at the conclu- 
sion of a conviTial tarty, 
towards ^the small hours/' 
dear old Ally was obserred by 
a policeman ontside his own 
door trying to let himself in ! 
It need luurdly be said that 
Slofss could not do it. He is 
too shrewd to be let in even by 
himsell A 

Fbom Bond Stbsxt.— It is 
rumoured that soon after 
H.E.H.'s return from India 
one of the Prinob of .Walbs's 
« tigers " went to a West End 
shop and was measured for a 
pair of top-boots. This shows 
what civilization will do even 
for a tiger. •*• 

Apfrofrutb Namb fob a 
PiiNTBB« — Gains - BOBouoH. 
(Did not his portrait of the 
Duchess of Devonsbibe sell 
at Chbi8tib*s last week for 

over ten thousand guineas ?) 

• 
• • 

Mem. fob Leap Yeab. — ^It is 
a ridiculous waste of time to go 
courting an investigation whue 
there are so many women in the 
world. •*• 

Pedbstbian Mem. — The 
American pedestrian Weston 
has been beaten at the Agri- 
cultural Hall by three English- 
men, who have all exceed^ his 
distance in twenty-four houni. 
It is nothing new in this 
country for a Yankee champion 
to be worsted, after the first surprise of his arrival is over; but 
the American papers do not care to admit the iact. We shall 
have them oalhng out that three to one is not hix play. 






? 






A New Tmia in Chubohes.— It is stated that when Dr. Fab- 
bab preached in Westminster Abbey, two Sundavs ago, the large 
congregation was supplied with what is surely a novelty to 



church-goers— highly perfumed progrunmes. Nobody, of course, 
would be surprised should such a thing happen in a place of 
worship devoted to Dis-scenters. 

• • 
Temple Bab again.— Messrs. Bbtanx and Mat, of match- 
making celebrity, made an unsuccessful ofier for the purchase of 
Temple Bar, intending, if their ofier were accepted, to place it 
in the park which they have presented to the public at Totten- 
ham. The Corporation, however, have in con-temple-ation. to 
re-erect it somewhere themselves. What do they say to the top 

of the Monument ? There it would not be in anybody's way. 

• 

Eight fob once. — ^In the debate on Sir Henbt James's motion 
on the Eoyal Titles proclamation, Dr. Eenealt found his tongue 
again. He asserted that "* The motion had its origin in pers<mal 
grievance, wounded vanity, and conceit.'* Doubtless the Member 
for Stoke was correct in his description. These three are 
matters on which the Dootor ought to be an authority. 



SOCIETY OF PAINTEES IN WATEE COLOUES. 
Wb are afraid that those who go to the Eighty-sixth Exhibitien of tile 
Society of Painters in Water Colours viU feel a shock at the dead lei^l 
of mediocrity. The loss of three or four bright stars is palpable, and 
AucA Tadema, the only high^class Figure dmnghtsman they hate Mt» 
does not exhibit. We most xaake exception in tiie case of J. FARKKSJa 
reeen^ election, who is an aeqoidtion to the Society, being able to pajlLt 
figures as well as landscapes, and both weU, Mva40BllSlll and ISBt ^' 

Mrs. Aluhgham has some obarming little dratHngs here, but we can't 
believe the jocular critic who said recently, and put itiin ^pxlnt, ii^ that 
"she occupies the place vacated by the hite FsxB WAXJESB$^it is a 
pleasant way of put&ig it — *' vacated." 

ToPHAX, one of the best of the old school, contiibntes some clever 
work, " Loiterers by the Stream " being a good iexample. NoaxH, whom 
we always admired, sends only two small woilcs, but, of course, full of 
beauty. We wonder some of the older men -don't look at his fine colour 
and try and get a little more beauty and truth into their own work. 
B. Babkxs, well known by his clever drawings in the Briiith Workman, 
sends three, all good. &. W. Maobxth's '*LuUafaj/' a most painstaking 
piece of work, should be well looked at; and so ought 174, "The 
Qaeen of the West," a charming piece of colour by W. M. Hals. 

It won't do, Mr. Bbadlbt ; you draw horses extremely well, but pray 
don't try the comic business again. " Impudent Barney " might do in 
ould Brin, but not here. Bibxxt Fostib, Cabl Haag, 8ic Jom Gilbbkt, 
Frxd Tatlob, all good, but one has seen snoh a lot of it before. J. D. 
Watsoh is not here— stay, hh has one little picture instead of seventeen 
or twenty. He is a good man, and one miasee his work ; but no matter. 
Callow has thirteen, and Paul Kavtbl the same number; and who 
can say that they are not great draughtsmen, and cdourists too? 
BaawnrALL, we regret to say, has only one, and that is not very well 
hung ; we nearly missed it; GoLLiiiawoo]> Sum comes out with a 
tush, and also haa a modest thirteen ; so, sJtogelheiv you get plenty 
lor ybur money, and there is much in the Bzhihition that is very good. 
So, Walk up! walk up 1 



ODD BITS. 



littU Girl Oh, Hamma, is that man 
always black? Mamma. Of course he 
il^dear. little Girl. What, onStmdaysT 



Matter. Now, where did 
UieCrcLOPSlivo? Youth, In 
Cyck>p89dia, please sir. 



"Well, Mrs. Oruvblin, whaf s the mat- 
ter with your grandson ? '^ "Why, sir, his 
throats very bad: Hr. Spitfs, thechexnist, 
says as how there's something wronff with 
the borax: but ye can see for 3rourBe& that 
he have three or four big ultttn In his 
throat, besides which ihe Jubilee is much ii\/UUed. 



let A.B. (etfter a nighft oaroute with 
thipmaU), Well, Bill» how do you 
feel this morning? ind A.B. Oh, 
I'm not A.B. to-day. Jack. Ut A.B, 
How*s that ? tnd A,B, 'Oos I'kn CD. 



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JUDY, OE JHE LONDON S 



IEBl| 



A DEAL OF BUZZING, I 

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sac JOURNAL.— Mat 17, 1876. 



IT LITTLE MISCHIEF. 



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Mat 17, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOUBNAL. 



47 



YoTOQ Gehtlkiiah (to YouHO Lalt (m the step abcnfe, and upon i 
"<mt» hehaaheen itanding tome minutes), Keally, a thoosand 
dont; bnt, 'pon honour, nntil I can fiad a spare inckof terra j 



QUITE *'THE TICBLET:" 
A Tale of the Timet. 
"In order t© afford Btffl further faculties to the Public, the Boyal Academy Coun- 
cil have. In the most generous manner, this year determined upon issuing Piv« 
BmLLiNO Season TroKmrs, thus presenting to aU lovers of Art^he in<wtimable 
privilege of paying daily visits to Burlington House for, considering the many 
and varied treasures to be there seen, a truly ridiculously small price.— Fid« 
Morning Paper. ^ f 

Scene. —il Staircase in Afayfair during the process of one of Lady 
Cramwell's "At Hoiusa." TntR-^EUven p.m. Dbamatis Pee- 
®??'^r-^ ?^^^9^ OrovKt-'hot, tired, thirsty, cross, but *• Fashion- 
abW' to thclast gasp, 

whose 
thousand par- 

, ,- , spare inch of terra firma 

f"?^^?? L'^V °^^^®' {liteogni^ng Touho Lady as she turns her 
head,) Ah, MisB Stahlbt- 

SmTH, you here! D'lited, -^ ■ 

I'm shaw ; this is, indeed, 
an unexpected pleaahaw. 

TouRG Ladt {thinking 
anxiously about her 
" train," andwUhimsard 
perturbation as to^ her 
'* gathers**). Yes, 'dread- 
ful, in it not 1 Howl^rish 

I hadn't eome ! Is there 
any chance, -do yon think, 
of getting? down ? ■ ^ 

Y. e.: f^ottheslif^test. 
{With empressement, and 
tenderly) Ah, / could re- 
nuuB here for er-Tah. 

Y. L. {with more a/nxiety 
about her "train," and 
more perturbation ets to 
the '** gathers"). Ob, I 
hope not ! (Aside), Good 
gracieufl, eftcy'rc giving I 
Ah, thank heaven ! {Move- 
ment of crowd ahead — 
Generaladvance of another 
whole Step; Y. L. takes 
her * * train ^ more ctouly. 
then, more graciously) 
You must exCnse my cross- 
ness, W:, JoirBs, but I do 
so hate a c]<owd. By the 
way, have yon heard of 
that capital idea of the 
Academy people this year, 
issuing Season Tickets, 
you know] {With in- 
tention) Clara haft one, 
and — so Aotw /. 

Y. G. {en^usiasticaUy). 
Capital! And — so have 

II And about seven to- 
morrow, dear Miss Stan- 
ley-Smith, if yon should, 
on your way* back from 
the Park, happen to drop 
in, and, byanye^nce, you 
know, manage to find 
yourself in front of ''The 

Daphnephoria— " ^___ 

{Another upward move- ' 

ment of crowd— Youno Lady smiles sweetly— General advance on 

landing— Terrific ctimA— Scene doses in.) ' , 

ScEtm— il Room at Her Majesty's Paperu>eight and Pouncebox Depart- 
ment, Somerset House, W. C. Timb—IO. 16 A.M. Dramatis Pbrsonjb— 
Various P. and P. Officials hanging up their ?uUs, putting on their 
^* office coats,'* cuUing the Times newspaper, &c, die, 
Mr. NAOfliBTON {the "Chief," wOh ** Attendance Booh** in hand, 

severely). Halloo! Hal-Zoo.' How's this? What's thia^ fFAj^isthis? 

Mr. Ghiceabzddy not signed again / Mr. Ohiokabiddy under the line 

twice running I 'Wliere*s Mr. Ohiokabiddy ? Any gentleman know what 

Mr. Ohiokabiddy has done with himself f 

Waggish ''Junior" (Aasarcitngr waggish remarh). I should hardly 

imagine, sir, that Mr. Ohiokabiddy has done anything "wltii himself." 

I should be more indined to imagine that somebody has done something 

with Mr. Ohiokabiddy. 

Ohief {after awful pause, ** fixing "Vf, " J." with his eye, and wither- 

ffigly). Oh, indeed, sir t And that, tat, is what you are more inclined to 



imaghie, is it sir ? ^ank you, sir, tha-^nk you T {Complete collapse of 
W. *• J.," and timely entry o/Mi*. Ohiokabiddy, much out ofbrecUh, and 
much in a perspiration.) Ob, Mr. Ohiokabiddy, here you are, sir, at last ; 
and pray what have you to say to thisf {holding out ** Attendance Boc^ " 
at him like a cane). 

Mr. Ohiokabiddy (not a bit abashed, and as coolly as Nature admits). 
Well, m toll you in a bra^ of shakes. Fact is— but, there now, you 
see the "eflfect*' for yourself; npw I'll tell you the "cause." Well, 
then — er — you must understand I bought one of these new Season Tickets 
for the Academy, and have just dropped in on my way down the last few 
mornings ; and, when once in there, yon know, what with one thing, and 
what with another thing, really the way the time does slip away is— er — 
er — really, you know, don't yon know I 

Ohief {solemnly). No, sir, I do not know. But {with solemn Jocu- 
larity) let me tell you, sir, that jour precious ticket may be " the tidLct" 

for the 'Oademy, but it 

isn't "the ticket" for 
this plaoe; so don't let's 
have any more of it. 
{General snigger of "Ju- 
niors" at "Ohief's'* 
little. Joke — Appeasement 
of "Ohief." Tableau, 
and (Official) Ourtain.) 

Extract fi'om a Lbtibr, 
written by a Country 
YouNO Lady staying in 
London, to a Bosom 
Fiubnd (Young Lady 
Oiu) in the Oountry. 

Snookinob' ffotel,} 
Jermyn Street, W. 
- I [Tuesday 

SVER dearest GuflSIE, 

— ^Yes, my friend, here I 
am, really and truly, 
snugly installed in this 
wicked, dear, bad, delight- 
fol " metrollopns," as 
coufion John calls Londra. 
This is sv^h a cosy hotel 
— quite private, you must 
understand, with a regular 
knocker, and all that, and 
a footman, in livery, to 
answer the door, — and in 
the very centre and thick 
of iJl the fun. We are 
just between Begent and 
St James's Streete, a few 
ycbrds only from Picca- 
dilly,, and Bond Street, 
and the dariing ducks of 
shops -in " the Burling- 
ton." It is most awfully 
jolly; you have no idea 
what a lot of nice-looking, 
nicely dressed men are 
continually passmg our 
windows — real West- 
enders, my dear, clothed 

: by Poole, groomed by 

Trubfitt, umbrella-ed by Brigg, and gloved by Piver. You see, we are, 
cZo<€ to all t^ Clubs, and those members who have their "bedrooms' 
in this Street, in Bury Street, King Street, and St. James's Place, are 
perpetually passing. Another great institution, teo, is quite dose to 
us ; I mean the Boyal Academy. Kitty and I have each bought 
one of the new Season Tickets, and spend mast mornings there. Yon 
can form no idea what a hirk it is ! Of course, I don't mean the pictures, 
and the statues, and those sorts of stupid things, but the lots of 
friends one comes across, the little ' ' carryings on " one sees, and 0, 
^e tweet things in toilettes 1 The many "little appointments" one is 
witness to, if one takes up a position on a couch in front of one of the 
"popular" pictures, are alone worth really ten five-shilling tickets. 
In conclusion, dear Gussie, when yOu do come up to Town, I most 
strongly recommend a Boyal Academy " Season Ticket" 

Ever Your Lovingest, Maria. 
P.S.— You can get such a cup of tea, too, in the Befreshment 
Bocml 

P.S. (No. 2).— And thelSherry and Bitters is something too lovely .t ! 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. Mat 17, 1876. 



NURSERY MORALS. No. 3.-01d Boguay. 



I HAV1I looked in inm in lerenl dictiontries for old Boquit, and I cannot 
find biiB. 

I don*t belioTe tbere otw waa any old Booxmr at all, and I invite the 
co-operatton of children of a emaller growth to thoroaghly look him np, 
and, when foond (if erer), to make a note on him with the poker, the 
leg of the table, or anything elae that may be handy at the time. 

Dear children, old BoainT la not behind the door, as None tells yon ; 
and if yon do not go to sleep, bnt, on the oontraiy, lie on yonr Uttle 
backs and scream and 
kick like anything, he 
won't come any the 
more. Try it to-night. 

As a rule, most of 
the things Norse tells 
yoo are untme. The 
little boy who told the 
lie was not eaten np 
by the lion. Yoo may 
take my word for that. 
I happen to know. Or, 
look here, if yoo aie 
poeitiye the little boy 
WAS eaten, I api in a 
position to state that 
it wssn't becaose he 
had told a lie ; it was 
becaose he was a nice, 
dean -looking, plomp 
Uttle boy, and the lion 
felt peckish, and took 
a fancy to him. It 
was, indeed. 

Yoo may orge 
against my statements 
that the drcomstance 
occorred on a desert 
island, and that I 
coold not have been 
tbere to see. Very 
well. No more coold 
the person who told 
the story. Besides, he 
had more than one lie 
in him, sorely. I 
dare say the fellow was 
choke foil of them, 
and, in 'that case, 
woold he not hare 
stock in the lion's 
throat? 

There is no old Bo- 
aosT, depend on it, or 
else, why doesn't he 
show np r Jost fancy, 
how joUy tiring it 
most be to go on being 
an Old BoouiT all by 
yourself roond a cold 
comer. I should want 
a handsome salary to 
do it, and yoo don't 
soppose a norse coold 
afford to keep on a 
special Booubt of her 
own, ont of the wages 
yoor mamma gives her. 

Bot the way to set- 
tle Old BoavxT and 
to shot him op effec- 
toally woold be to 
ignore him. He woold 
either hare to come 
oot from behind the 

door, or give it op andjretire ignominionsly.*^ And I think it this coorse 
of condoct were adopted towards ghosts and goblins generally, they'd 
leave off. Soppose, for instance, yoo took a haunted hoose somewhere^ 
and there was some wretched unwholesome grizzly-looking spectre that 
had got into a way of coming up to the bedside every night, groaning 
dismally, you would naturally be a little bit put out just at first, but if 
you had only sufficient pretence of mind to pretend you did not see (dm, 
and keep it on a goodish bit, I feel convineed the gnzzly would retire in 
confnsiQn, and not trouble you any more. 



It is jost exactly the same as when a j*ker geta up a denoe and all of a 
joke^ and then nobody sees it. I knew a man onoe who goi^ into a way of 
painting his nose red, putting on an old hat, and then roshing madly into 
the middle of a drawing-room and singing us '* Willikins and his Duran." 
This, in the ooorse of months, got to be wearisome, so we agreed we would 
ignore him when he next made a rush. And we did. We left him at it, 
so to speak, and pursoed the even tenoor of oor way, as tiioogh there 
had been no red nose or comio^t in the room. It was a croel thing, and 

punished him awfully. 
I never heard what 
eventoally became of 
him or the oomic hat. 
The aooompanjing 
illostration depicts an 
incident in the career 
of two ghosts which 
will afford food for 
reflection. On the 
left you will please to 
observe a medieval 
lady ghost, and on the 
right a ghostly oi^io 
functionary, and the 
scene is a conunon or 
heath, where you 
woold naturally ioka- 
gine one ghost had 
qoite as much right as 
the other. On the 
. contrary, the ghostly 
official, retaining the 
meddlesome jostling 
propensities which be- 
longed to him in his 
lifetime, is soggesting 
that the other ghost 
shall move on. '* Yoor 
attire, yoong person," 
he observes, ** is 
scarcely what one can 
approve of, even in a 
ghost. I shoold sag- 
gest a tippet, or say 
a sealskin jacket." 
"A ghost can sorely 
dress as he or she 
likes, my dear sir," 
replies the medias- 
«al ghost, ''yoor own 
dress appears singo- 
larly unbecoming. I 
beg to inform you that 
I took up the ghost 
business three or foor 
hondred years before 
yoo were bom, and I 
have terrified no end 
of people. As to you 
in a get-up like that, 
you are cslculated only 
to inspire derision." 

<* Madam," says he, 
"you've had your 
ghostship long enough. 
You ought to make 
room for the modem 
ghosts now. We haVe 
as much or more right 
to be ghosts as you 
have, and there cer- 
tainly is not room for 
all of us." 
« There iM something 
in this, if you think it over quietly.';? If ghosts had gone on acoumulating 
at the rate i^«7 originally began at, they would by this time have got to 
be a drag in the market A ghost has no right to be a ghost unless he 
oan show very good cause for being one. 



WoBTH Eirownro.^The height of a position under Government does 
not necessarily bear any proportion to tiie physique of the man who fills 
it. Sometimes the weaker a man is, the titter he holds to his post 



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.■ rr r T !•» » 



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50 



JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOUENAL. [Mix 17, 1876. 



HQII 

n THE GOMKR. 

Whbv Mr. DiBEHU 
gave the faglemaa of 
the OppodttoQ an op- 
portuiity to moro a 
▼ote of oemiire on tho 
Miniitry, he kaeir the 
effort mid be fatile. 
The wonder ia that the 
fugleman of the Oppo- 
aition did not himaelf 
aee thai hia attempt 
would be inefleotu&l, 
and take the earliest 
opportonitj of with.- 
drawing fram a fi^ 
poaitaon. Aa itwaa, 
the debate waa ntteri j 
ummportant^ except 
that it dearly ahowed 
the hopeleamem and 
demoralization of the 
Oppoaition. The 
mHquis or Ram- 
TDiOTOir, although he 
declined thepatronage 

of Sir BOBBBT PlIL 

and Lord Bloho, and 
did not repudiate the 
action of Sir H. Jinn 
aahedid that of Mr. 
Fawoitt, , waa ob- 
Tiooaij lokewarm in 
gnpportingtbe motion. 
No doubt he felti 
aa erery reaaoning 
being outaide Farlia-. 
ment must have felt, 
thkt the diacuaaioh 
waa much like a die- 
cnasion aa to the pro- 
priety of doaing the 
atable door after a 
valnable hone had 
been atolen. The 
tone of the debate 
waa foreseen, the ar- 
guments were fore- 
seen, and the result 
was foreseen, and yet 
the talk went on as 
if some practical 
good would follow. 
The House of Com- 
mona was crammed, 
and all tbe galleriea 
held aa many apecta- 
tors aa tbey could 
contain, but tiiere waa 
lltUe to gratify the 
curiosity of those who 
bad come' Expecting 
to hear a great de- 
bate. The Oorem- 
ment had tbe best of 
it. Mr. Qathorhi 
Hardt had the best 
of the argument, when 
he decked that the 
question was not 
whether the Proda-. 
mation had fulfilled 
the expectationa of 



THB BEOINNINO. 
' Madam, I think I have had the honour of coming in oollition with you upon a previous oocaBton." 



THE END. 

''Some^people do not undaratuui my husband. When he begrlns a thing he will go through with it 
He began to learn to rink." 



the Oppoaitioa, hnt 
whether it had ear- 
riad ant tha^iaten- 
tioaa of the Miniatry. 
And this, on behalf 
of the BGniatry, he 
annoniiead ithaddoBe. 
Aftar tfaia, what was 
to be aaidt A ma- 
jority of 108 proted 
the atrength of the 
poaiHoa taken np by 
the QoTammant, and 
ooBoluai?ely ahowed 
that the OppoaitiMi 
hnTo oaaaed to be a 
power. AaMr.HAftvr 
ramarfced, Hm IQ- 
jwnr^B QofernoMBt 
had been in offioa iwo 
yean iuid a hal^ and, 
looking at their hoae 
gOTornment, their 
foreign goTemment, 
and their IndJan 
goremmens, the Op- 
podtion did not find 
in them anything for 
whioh they oonld pco- 
poae a Tote of oenanxe, 
but muat make the 
ooeadon out of an Ast 
wldoh haa raeaiTed 
the aaaant of orer- 
iriiahtting majorities 
of both Houaea Md 
the aaaant of the 
Soweign. 

The debate, how- 
erer, although a waate 
of time, waa hot dnlL 
Lord BujHo fomiahed 
Sir WiLUAX Hab- 
00UB9 with an oppor- 
tunity of exhibitiBg 
hia auperior oonae- 
quenoe. HtaLorddiip 
ventured to apeak of 
the late Solidtor- 
Ghneral aa ^* my right 
hon. friend." Uiiawas 
too bad. The late 
Solidtor-C^neral roae 
and adminiatered a 
severe rebuke to the 
noble lord for hia te- 
merity, and auggeated 
he diould eeaae to 
refer to him in such 
Similar terma. Sir 
BoBBET PniL, toe, 
who " waa worried to 
death " by the legd 
aspect of Sii^ Hbhet 
Jamm, created aome 
amuaemdit by liken- 
ing that legal gentle- 
man to ''the foolish 
young woman who for- 
got to trim her ]*mp, 
and had the door shut 
in her face." Even 
Dr. KnntALT for 
once waa not offen- 
dve. Q. 



PUBEISOLUBLEll 
1 1 1 BEFBESHIN 



CADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENC 



CAVTIOV, 
— If Cocoa 

XhM eup it U 

tUtrch, 



8IQNAL VICTORY m tto ntmat Oraad OomiMtMoa, btf4 al Am Twkihfn 
KiMWtfwi AUeoMnw««B«aMn,a»dtlM«alj Medal awiua«at» 



a TAYLORS PATENT 



Tb« jr0m t n t^nw tm s m u r 



1DU7 mii»A to Ui«M MaohlBM 



Ii«Dd«r thorn miiMrlor Ut M oClim for JtMnOv and Dtm- SEWING 

oriendl&aPnMpooiaAtoTarlor^PatontSowiBcMafOhiM UAPUilklirfi 
OompAa7.0nrtiMia«ld.or97.0hoiipaido.LoBdafiL MAuniriCOi 



Published by the Fnpriotor, at 78, Fleet Street, B.O. Printed by WooDffAii. * KxHDca, MOfOrd Lane, Stnmd/.W.C— WaDraniAT, lUy 17, 18n. 



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Mat 24. 1876.] JUDY, OB THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. 51 



j Theatre, drened in ti|e charaetor of the lorelom heroine of the eTening^i | Jvul ?. .'. . . .1 am a perfect fool ! .Can a poor deril like me oifard it t 

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52 



JUDY, OE THE LOinX)N SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. [Mat 24, 1876. 



Anyhow, I must show up at ihis dance to-night I promiBed JuUA. She 
will expect me." 

We passed through seyeral passages, and I found myself at last once 
more outside the stage door. Here my Master got into a hanaom cab, and 
we were diiven to a brilliantly-lighted house in a West-^nd square. Vhere 
was a grand ball going on, and my Master, listening me more seeuiely in 
his button-hole, was soon whirling round to the music of the Sofdaien 
Luder, with a proud-looking lady, with whom he seemed on especially 
good terms. He danced with this same lady many times^took her in to 
supper, and afterwards went with her out into the balcony. There were 
sereral people standing about on the payement beloir, attraicted, doubtleesy 
by the lighted windows, tiie dance music, and moTtments of the dancers 

within Presently my Master's companion spoke. 

"That's an awfully fine Camellia, Frabk — where did you buy it? 
and let me look at it, pleaee, nearer." 

In the glare of the gaslight I saw hii face flame up, aa, muttering 
something about '' Covent Garden— Centre Arcade," he took me from hii 
button-hole and handed me to her. 
She held me up in the ltght» looking at me carelessly with scornful 

eyes. Suddenly ahe nttwred a 

little cry, and rose angrily. 
**You have deceived me — 

shamefully! Who gene it 

you/** 

She held me out in haughty 
scorn. I knew to what she re- 
ferred. In the centre of my 
white petals was a tiny but Tivid 
scarlet streak. It wi$ stage 
edowrfn>m ike fojct of my late 
nreet Mittreu / 

My Master was silent.. . Tbe 
angry woman repeated her ques- 
tion more loudly...... He still 

kept silent, and in that awful 
silence I seemed to be conseious 
of a kind of choking sob coming 
from the street below. 

'*Then I know what to 
think," she said icily. ''And 
of oouxee y<m will know what 
to do. lonr letters and pre- 
sents wiU be returned to-mor- 
row " 

*<Btayr eried toy Master, 
rising suddenly. ' 'Listen, Julia 1 
That flower wom giren to me by 
a lady ! but— but she is nothing 
—ndhing to me. Look ! Look 
here, thait is how I value her! *' 
And, snatching me from her 
hand, he threw me over the 
baleony. I fell under the wheels 
of a passing cab, and was 
crushed out of all consciousness. 
Whea I leoojrered my senses 
I felt bruised and sore; eyery 
leaf in my body had been crushed 
by those cruel wheels. But I 
was not in the road ! Tet who 
could have rescued me? Who, 
wrapping me so tenderly in the 
softest of tissue paper, had put 
me away so carefully in this vel- 
vet-lined casket f Whe has done 
this ? I wondered. 

Ah, yes! for what littlehands 
are these that have taken me up 

in them on her return '*from the theatre " every night for all these many, 
many years. Do I not know their gentle touch T Do I not know that 
sweet face which regards me so piteously — that low, musical voice, whis- 
pering for ever that one name— those sweet lips which, pressed to my 
unworthy self so closely, linger on me in this long, sad, passionate kits ?. 
Ah, yes I— to my shame, I tay it Alas I alas ! 



but all will do that, for all are good, reminding one somewhat of William 
HvHT. The Institute people are fond of ladies' society, and so they 
ought to be when they are as clever as Miss Gow, Mrs. Ahoill, 
with a host of others that they have elected. There is good feeling 
in MissGow's '* Elaine" (39). Ahdbiw Gow must be congratulated 
upon trying to get some character into the faces of the French Hussars 
who are splicing the main brace, and otherwise refreshing themselves, 
in the Grand Hotel de Phalsbourg. Gow is a young man who . has 
worked hard from nature, and not contented himself with looking at it 
through the spectades of older men as many young men do, thriving and 
waxing fat at the same thne, we regret to lay. Bdwabd H. Fabet sends 
teveral capital pictures, but they are deficient in painter-like quality, 
being thin, and palpably showing the paper, but honest and earnest 
work enough, and remarkably quaint in construction. It is worth more 
than a shilling to get a sniff of salt water by looking at Hatbs' charming 
seascapes, and Hollowav's quiet landscapes are soothipg to the bilious ; 
but isn't the sky in 117 a little out of tone and too eold ?— Hollowat 
generally has a fine sense of colour. Edwabd Mobih, the clever French 
draughtsman, contributes good work, and the "Big ^mall'* oomes out 

well with his two drawings (187) 
(165); though perhaps he has 
come out a little too much in 
his <* Surrey Landscape*' in the 
greens, wldch one might call 
killing at the price. Talking of 
greens, Chablbs and Towhilbt 
of that ilk, always good, and 
sometimes better, are at their 
best this year. The "Country 
Circus" (159), by Chablbs, a 
most difiScult subject to treaty is 
full of character ; the audienoe 
keeping Uieir places in the pie- 
ture as well as in the cireusi 
from the young squire with his 
sister to the soldier on leave 
giving his sweetheart a treat. 
The lady athlete a real circus 
girl, none of your idealized 
beauties, but a strong girl, and 
fit for the hard profession she 
has diosen. Then the clown is 
admirable. Towkblbt sends four, 
"Her First Offer" (61), and 
"The Young Tennis Player" 
(246), a pretty boy in brown 
velvet, will charm all. Kil- 
BUBHB, Hixb, Isbabls, and 
Bbomlbt, are well represented, 
and many whose names we should 
like to mention, but our space 
being so small we must stop, 
but not before we recommend 
all who want a good shillings- 
worth of enjoyment to go to Uie 
Institute and sink that o(nn 
forthwith. 



"ITS A 700X HEABT 7EAT KEYIX BEJOIOEF.*» 

Jems hoM Iten tending in Jckee to a Comic Paper for the Uut Tin Yean, 
and diecovers one of them published at latU 

[K.B.— A good old one that had done duty In several other comics before. 



JUBT AMONG THE PICTURES. 

Thb Forty-second Exhibition of the Institute of Painters in Water Colours 
opens with a strong show. It is a great pity the industrious Hxbkoxicb 
does not contribute, and Gbboobt, perhaps the very cleverest of the 
young men, only sends one small study (280), which, though good, is not 
enough. Liktoh comes to the fore with an ambitious work (189), "His 
Eminence the Cardinal Minister ;" he has managed the variety of reds 
in a wonderful manner. Then Rcbbbtb, the funny man, the wag of the 
gallery, painU five firat-rate drawi^igs. The "Frosen Pump " will please \ 



THE ONLY JONES. 

"/o" continues its successful 
career ; and this is not to be 
wondered at, so uniformly good 
is the cast throughout. Ton 
should not neglect to pay a 
visit to the Aquarium Theatre.; 
It was a great pity, by the way, 
that that unlucky word Aqua- 
rium got such a front place in the title of a pleasant place of amusement^ 
which I have no doubt will, some of these days, be one of the most popu- 
lar and successful holiday resorts; but in those days there will be no fish ! 
Mark that ! By the way, again, what a chance was lost the other day ! 
Why were not the tanks convei'ted into cages, and the Pbihcb'b wild 
beasts placed there, instead of being sent to the Zoo ? What money it 
would have brought in ! 

The best thing that has been done at the Alhambra is Le Voyage dans 
la Lune^ in which Madame BiOsb Bell sings charmingly, and plays the 
drum and trumpet so as to surprise you. But the great attraction is the 
snow ballet, and nothine upon the stage in my recollection has been so 
beautiful The little Hirondelles make one widi one were a bird, as the 

poet says. '. 

A CovsoLKB. — It is interesting to know that a cheraifet has obtained 
ferrocyanide of tet^amethy lammonium by saturating ferrocyanic acid with 
tetramety lammoniom hydrate. This is a wicked world, but this reconciles 
one to putting up with thbgs. 



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JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEEI 



N EPTU N E I 

FAiflift ,Nsff. UufumJy). YOU MUTINOUS PASCALS, I WILL HAVE NO MOBE 

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OMIC JOUBNAL.— Mat 24, 1876. 



KA PASSION. 



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Mat 24, 1876.] JUDY, OB THE LONDON SERI0.€!OMI0 JOURNAL. 



57 



SHOBT MEMS. FOB SHOBT MEMOBIES. 

RTON AND HIS 

• Fbtends.— At a 
meetiDg at Ply- 
moath Mr. Guil- 
ford Onslow has 
stated the leading 
incidents of a visit 
he had, in company 
with Mr. BiDPULPH 
and another, paid 
to the Claimant in 
Dartmoor Pdson. 
The interesting 
oonyict was de- 
scribed as in good 
health and in good 
spirits, beoaose he 
was^tixe his friends 
ontside were ** do- 
ing aU they ootUcL" 
The " unhappy nobleman " natorall^ appreciates a line of busi- 
ness in which, for a long tinM^ he did sa wi^ himsell 



Strangs, but !^us.— In these days, when everything is done 

St with who, you find, 
in spite of all these 



at railway speed, a great many people are met with who, you find, 

are, as they say, " tied to time." And yet, 

obstacles, how Time flies I 

• * 

Thb Pboobsss of thb Aas. — We live iB^^* time when, owing 
to co-operative stores and oilier means of coereion, sharp pay- 
ments havip become de rigueur. Even tailors expect to be paid 
at the "fitting "time. 

• • 

Wombm's Biohts.^ Speaking of the recent demonstration in 
fftvour of Women's So&age, at which Hiss F. P. Qobbb made a 
striking speech, a contemporary thinks, as to the opinions ex- 
pressed at tl^ meeting, ^at " it matters very little what women 
hold."* As Aej have at last got a hearing, one thing is quite 
certam : whatever else they may hold, they will never again hold 
— their tongues. 

• • 

Thb Fobcb of ExAMFLX.^It shows what an improvement is 
taking place in the manners of the populace, that when H JtH. 
THB Pbimob of Walbs wcut aloug the streets to dine with the 
Lord Mayor on Friday last, great numbers of persons were 
observed ^ standing upon form " ! 

Abviob to Bust Pboplb. — ^Make it a rule never to be driven 
to distraction. You may not be able to walk back. 

• • 

Nbw Disoovbbt. — ^A man has just discovered « substitute for 
bread. As bread is a thing ol the most world-wide oonsamption, 
he expects to make his fortune immediately. The substitute 



consists of rnmpsteak and potatoes ; and the inventor says the 
addition of a little beer heljp flSatten along. He has tried a lot 
of things, he says, but this is the only substitute he can recom- 
mend. 

• • 

Feom thb Gitt. — In the money article of a contemporary, it 
is asserted that '' money is now very easv." Under &ese cir-' 
cumstanoes, one begins to wonder what has become of all the 
hard cash ?, 

Lboal. — Imprudent individuals sometimes take the law into 
their own hands. The safest plan, under these circumstances, is 
to "drop it" 

• • 

Cubious Fact. — ^It is not generally known that a great deal of 
material with which female loveliness adorns its head, is made 
in an heir-loom. 



THE WBONG QUABTEB: 



[Party Wi 
Thb 
And 
How 
Itbl< 

^ The 



The sky is all blue, and there's green on the hills ; 
Cold Winter has gone, all itA riflours have ceased. 
Yet now, in the Spring, here's the wind in the East ! 

[Shudders, 
The wind's in the East !— In the middle ef Kay, 
The Ismbs ought to be on the hOlsides at fifaf ; 
But fancy a lambkin, who's only halfJiiMA^ 
At play !— on a hill ! !— with the win^Hiji^ast! ! ! 

[ WeqUf i»ik^ *^ hare '' idea. 
The wind's in the East !— and with phthisici^ cold. 
With cough and catarrh, we poot Britons ase ^ sold " : 
The chemists and doctors are having a feast ; ^ 

For they don't object to the wind in the East ! 

[Hat a dou of cough mixture, to cheer him up. 

The wind's in the East ! — and it puni/shes al]» 
The rich and the j^or, and the sbwt and the tall : 
The soldier, the sailor^ the layman, the priest. 
All join in detesting the wind in the East 1 

[Poici the fire, avec effusion. 
The wind's in the East t—yes, it keeps in the East; 
And thence it may blow for a month at the least ; 
It makes life a burden to man and to beast : 
The wind's in the East 1 --oh, the wind's in the East ! , 

[Orders in another ton of coals, and goes to bed 
till the weaiher changes, .^ 



>VORK8 OF ART FOR THE A O A D B M Y*, 1877 

[JvDT Aoi Jteen favoured with a Private View of the foUowing Pictures intended for the Academy next year. 



1, Hark to the Village Bells ! 



2. Stady of a Head. 



8. The Old Stile (style). 4, Scene from She S(oops to Conquer 



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ZVO- F.A.iyOXEl 



6. AvnTHBB VoTSLTr— " Copm'B TcunBAPH.**— A T bring 'er long 8 aibt, here's little Billy's got doh a tre«nen- ervrybodj In the room hoars all aboat It, 
sploiidid Idaa, If joa boy a good one, only generally Jous whopper I " oxooptthe twowhoarooxahaaglngsoereta. 



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Mat 24, 1878.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JODRNAL. 



69 



THE ROYAL ACADEMY. (From a Sloperian Point of View. 



A* Slopbb begs re- 
speotffdly to an- 
noonoe that he cloes 
noti intend to dilttte 
iwon eyexy o^e of 
fifteen hundred and 
twenty-ti¥0 pictnreSy 
upon ma^y o{| which 
it is not hu intention 
to east even a pass- ; 
ing glance^ Bribes, 
tlierefore, w^U have 
no veighti vdak A. 
S|Lp?BR. .(fjett^rs 
containing cheques 
Bbonld be .directed 
tQ A. Slopkb, iiiarked 
" Private," and care- 
fully fastened op.) 

As, of conusci all 
A. Slqpb&'s readars 
have enjoyed a clas- 
sical education, and 
have their Ljcmphi- 
iBES at tiieir fingers' 
ends, if not even 
handier tiian that, it 
would somewhat sa- 
vour of impertinence 
were A. Slopbb. to 
enter into minute de- 
tails respecting the 
exact meaning /cf the 
word V'Daphn^ho- 
ria," or describe at 
lei^gth the private 



943. WrongsideaparAB. E. J. Foyntsb, A. 




41. The Hard Word. F. Leiohtoit, RA. 



lifeof Ataknte. Under these curcumstances A. Slopbb will do so. 

There were, it would appear, tvro Atalantas^ both of them 
young ladies of a vigorous turn of, mind. Lbmpri^bb will in-j 
form you Ihat ** two women of thk name have been ofcen con- 
founded by the ancient mythologists ;*' and no wonder. Confound 
them both I says A. Slopbb, for they were both of them very 
oljectionable strong-minded hussioflt The first one, who waa 
deserted; (and no wonder) by her father, took kin^Uy to archery, 
and kiUed a couple of men and a wild pig. She dso wrestled, 
and I believe played skittles ]^tiily«and smoked long clay pipes. 

I don't think this treaaiEce was ever married* but if not, there 
was a good wife lost to somebody. 

The other Atalanta had a taste for pedestrian exercise. Had 
she lived How^a-days, she would most likely have taken the 
Agricultural Hall, and made a good thing of it, but she didn't. It 
would appear that.slie determined to live in celibacy, but her papa 
witbing her to marry^ she consented to select him for her lover 
wh« should xivertakd her t^ runnin|f. This idea will naturally 
strika.an unreflective^inidden as be|ng sweetly pretty and 
romantic, but the reflective mind of A. Slopbb comes to the 
conclusion that she hiust have lookec^ unbecomingly w^trm when 
the race was over;; and, besides, it may t^e mentioned tha,t the 
dbar girl also at^i^ated that slie should have the privilege of 
dlaoghteriog thsiWihappy young men who didn't run ri»t enough. 



and whom abe ovei^r 
took. Que cfm easily 
nnderstaiMl tbeit it 
is a nice tUng to 
kill a- finer yaang 
man, md .4)6 done 
poj^biog^Pibr it, but 
pitoryi4<>es noting 
form.us.wbcm ihe 
uniablci malei flats 
were. who ran isaeh 
Hsk^ lo^i^ostiiaJl a 
gaini. S!oumay;take 
you romtJU Al^tbbiub 
SiDPBimis priflilui 
wasijnot in it -A 
ime.x>f 
10 say 
ifl-the 
ioaed, 
ingito 
»afthe 
»gaiA- 
/ two 
lehad 
that 
h she 
k up, 
id him 
e whi- 
ning post I have 
merely to add that 
she Mid. the young 
man.were turned into 
liona / Aortly after 
their marriage, for 
Serre 'eoti i^ht I 



some reason I am >not acquainted with. 

The way in which Mr. Potntbb has depioted-AiialMita in the 
act of grabbing at the apples shows much ibility. t Maogr^ls 
would have lost their balance. The reason why. Mehuiioii H 
behind instead of in front of Atalanta does not appear, • 

Mr. Lbiohton has painted a long picture, and haa very ^o-: 
perly chosen a long name for it. By '* The Daphaephoria "i waa 
meant a singularly unintwesting procession of aimple-ntindtfd 
} f both sexes, who sang hymns aodiW^ved laoMl 

I ddb^ boys who carried "votive tripods." HaFi)ig> 

i ke a hasty sketch, and being /particular . About 

1 \p&& has thought it best to leave out the bran<^ea 

f If they should be missed, however, A. SLorfta 

1 _ „ . k picture to themselves next week. The jao(tioe- 

able point of Mr. Leighton's picture is cbsluwet. .Tfaioi gentle- 
men, it may be observed, don't wear much, ^ rhilstr the gavfilB. of 
the Theban maidens are of so loose a £t, itidis, all they.»fu)i 
do to keep them on at all. The party in froatis ca^ed'die; 
Daphnephoros, and deserves it. He is carrying tbe bedrrcbnt 
candles, as it is high time that these joimjf people said gobd 
night, and retired to their respective donatories. \ Yoa aiiay 
observe their mouths are mpst^ open. Mr. LiBiocnooN sayf they 
aresinigMg: A. Slopbb says uey are yawnipg^r.< t -i 7.( i. 



li2[B. Gladstonb at j:^jpNG^ MouE:r-^ e^oTcaovLS beech-tree 
so large that it rec[aired;.seve^ horses to dri^w it away, was felled 
in Hawarden Park,Ta te^jday^ agp, by lilr. GjiyDSTOji^ wh9, V upt- 
withstandiiig that it,measur)Bd 13 f^t inv^Lrpumference^ac^om; 
plished his laborious but agreeable task in six honi;s/ d^hPrtrec 
contained over 200 cubic feet,, and wmghftd nearly nine tons. ' 
In the art of *'cuifing things down —national expenditure, 
national churches, treee* and so on — the late Premies must,, by 
this time, be al^Qut the most experienced " feller" tiiere is. 

83» On Jf^ednescl^y Neusty JPpce . 2^., JPo$t Free, 
2^d., Judy's Derby ; DouBXt Numbbk. 
Sixteen Pages^ 'full of TkturiB, by ^the best 
Comic Artists of the Bay, j _; 



«f 



Q'* IN TH£ CORNER. 



I.AOBBB with TYiatr^iA«&]»a^y«,iytiat thefre i^sn^ djaputing fSg^ipst 

allbokins, that great onan^^ At his leisure houFs, take the ,gre|itest 
<^fl^^•gV^imnglllall^fl in nAmhing of asscs' tails Bud pluclong out 
the dead hairs with hia teeth, thouffh he h|4 tweezem alijrays in 
. fais pocdcet ! The wii^at man in aU agefl| iai>t iexcepting Solohon 
himself, have had thilr hobby-horses. Bven Members of the 
Bdlish Parliament art not free from the weakness. There is Mr. 
Whalley. Does he not trace all the ills to which fle^..ai^d 
mind are titor to official disregard of ^ machinations' of the 
Society of Jisus, and the uagfat^ul treatment experienced by 
a certain MoUeman who shall be namelns? « . 

Does not Mr. O. Mobgmv think En^tnd will soon be num. 



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JUDY, OB THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC VJOTJSNAL. [Max «*, 1876. 



and 

tidak fNfer fbr 
the oc a i ri an? 
Mr. PLmMLLk 



ihal 



mai nulla 






aUalkaltt imld 
ttat ba trocOi tlia 
omMfOi wliila to 
aoB^OMaliiptoaaa. 
8ir WiLfiD 
IiAwaav ia laady, 
an tan ataiilea* 
aatioa, to maka 
tlia nation fraa, 
liappf]f'y aoBiiaf nnA 
oontantad, if onlj 
hawara alltf#ad 



todapri^thapbor 
man of hiabaar. 



Evan ^Mmot 
0'G<niMAH — anar 
dinaar, at'loaat — 
baa ' a ' bobby- 
boraa;atidtbalist 
of l^gialaibts trith 
a f cnoT thai war 
mky. ba ^ iadafi- 
nitely aztindad. 
' 1 ' agrea onoa 
mora with tha il- 
laatribnanathori^ 
I baya ^piotad, in 
admitting that, ad 
bmgaaaman'ridaa 
bia bobby-hona 
peaoaably ' and 

Jttietly along tha 
tnxKir'a liighwaj; 
and eompeia 
naithar yon nor 
ma to gat np ba- 
bind* him, ba 
ahonld not ba in- 
terfared with. 
Hobby-boraa 
riding ia nndoabt- 
adlya^raoefuland 
azbilaraiing azflr- 
oiM. Unfortonata- 
ly, bowaTar, thoaa 
who pniotiM it aca 
fororerinaiatingn], 
ridar» wfaila aaoing tha abadrdity 



TWO POOR LITTLE PRISONERS, 
Bui if yoa jw^ mUker qf tkem ((amdMff) tktjf wiU he vety, Mry aN^jf. 



togm c 

TUkal 



^apbabindtbam. Eaob 

^ ^ thapoataraaaaanmadby tha 

othjgr ri4in»oongratcilatea bimaalf upon tha aaqr motion mada by 
bia own bunbby-bofao, and* whanayar na troti it oat, a^paota OTory- 
bodlytoaaicioralift. ThairanparoilionaTanityinthia raepaotia 
moatlyoffBnrfya. TbaybaUaraayaiybody tfaatlailaor daohnaato 



niadfa tba nainii 
aftbaaniauadMy 
baatridaflinatban 
a IboL 
Mr.P.Bt- 
LuiDa. Hiahabbf- 
haiaa ia naatad 
Ouitailad Ezpea- 
ditua. Laatwaak 
ha mada idiat moat 
ba xagardady a6 
bmgaa ba baa a 
aaatintbaHouaa, 
bia ^«w«f i mation 
onthaaatgaot^and 
it waa daar, ftaok ^ 
bia -laamiar and' 
bia mattar, that 
ba ooald put bia 
Ikbiftt ttpon avaiy 
itam tfaiat ought 
to ba lataiaad hi 
anyaf tha nation- 
al aoooanta, and 
indioata bow that 
oa^ at onoa to 
baatrwAont Of 
conraa Ohanoal- 
lora of tha Ez- 
Lohaqtarnad Lotda 
of tha^ Traaanry 
hava a ddigbt in 
aqfiandarin<( mil- 
liona. Nothing 
ploaaeaHiam mora 
than to aaa the 
money waatad. 
Thair aola objeot 
18 to hmiy tha na- 
tion to bankrapt- 
ey, .from wbioh~ 
nothing oan aara 
it bnt Mr. P. Br- 
ULNDa and bia 
bobby-borae. 

The other day 
there waa a.tre- 
mendoaa meatmg 
at the Tabemaola, 
in Newington 
Butta,, to proteat 
agidnat tha enor- 
mia of pamdtting 
religion to ba un- 
der State patron- 
age or oontroL Not 
aaoulofthoaawlio 
ware praanmad to 
be aaffering from 
tha effeota of pa- 
tronage or oontrol 
waa pcaaant It 

waa tha paonla 

who ware not patronized or oontroUad that aant oat tha grombla. 
So with Mr. F. Rtl^ndb' motion. The nation ratomed tha 
praaent Hooae of Commooa with the ezpreaa ii\janotion not to 
DO penny wiae and poand fooHab. The Hooae of Oonun(>na 
aoowdingly kicked oyar Mr. P. Btiakob* bobby-borae with 
appropriate effect Q. 



I 



PUREI SOLUBLE!! 
1 1 1 BEFBESHINO 



CADBURY'S 
COCOil ESSEMCE 



tMcliiw iM 



IRCULAR 
POINTED 



mmjw 



PENS 



I biiiif fonidtd 



byan^p r o B Mi,- 
1 flMnalt Bos aadi 



m 



ilRva^V^P^ 



MMUk«4 hr tke FMptWtMr, «k Tf, fleet Btratt, B.O. PxIdiM by WoootAU. * 



Labi Mnii«» W.a^Wa 



4T, Mu M» 187i. 



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62 



JUDY, OR THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOUKNAL. [Mat 31, 1876. 



THE CUEIOUS STORY OP A "CRACK.*' 
(L Derby One.) 

EQUIEES me to carry yoa 
down to the Derby, sir ?' 

"Well, sir, I hardly 
likes refusing a good job, 
bat, to tell yoa the oaudig 
troth, my old boss here 
might carry yoa down, 
but — ha, ha! — I reckon 
you'd have to carry him 

back Lor', yes, sir, a 

vefry old hoss, this, werry 
old ; jest about on his last 

legs, he is Been a good 

hoss in his time ? Seen 
better days! Ah, you're 
right there, sir. ' I don't 
know all his pedigree, but 
I do know that afore I got 
him he was dray by Uie 
celerbrated Obntlsmah 
Jaok, who died some five 
years ago. You rec'lect, I 
dessay, sir. Oove as was 
a reg'lar nob once, quite 
a proper swell, kep bis own 
trainer, and had a long 
string of * cracks.' Well, 
he got reckless and ruined 
somehow — some tale there 
is of a broken heart, I'm 
told — and came down to 
drive a 'ansom cab, just 
like me ; and they do i-ay, 
sir, as this here old boss as can scarcely now do his'^ve mile the Aour, 
is the famous Primcb Cuarlib edit as won the Derby stakes this werry 

day, better nor two dozen 

years ago, for that werry 
gent. Ab, he'll never see an* 
other Derby come round, poor 

old chap! What'U be the 

end of him ? Well, sir, my 
guv*nor were sayin' to me oii'y 
last night, Jos, he says, I tell 
yer what 'tis, it's a'most time 
that old hoss paid a wisit to 
our friend Slortrrboy, as a 
necessary preliminairy, yer 
know, for our friend's friend, 
Whatehisname, the 'olesale 
cats' -meat cove. 

The Scene is the well-known 
long cab rank in St. James's 
Street. The Dramatis Per- 
tona are a gentleman who 
wishes to be driven to Epsom 
races ; the driver of the han- 
som cab ; and the '*old boss," 
videlicet, mysell The time 
is 10 A. M. on the morning of 
"the Derby." 

And it is a morning brim- 
ful of sunshine, and life, and 
joyful anticipations, and high 
spirits generally, if one may 
judge from tbe signs and 
tokens to be seen on all sides. 
On the steps of the many swell 
clubs, on the tops of omni- 
buses, coaches, and "four-in- 
hands *' ; from the open win- 
dows of snug broughams, 
seedy-looking "growlers," and 
smart hansoms, beam in- 
numerable fBCi&R, which all 
smile forth one and the same 
glad speech, "We're off to 
the Derby." 

Yes, they are all off—every- 
body has gone, or is going, 
" to the Derby. " On this un- 
usually long '' rank'' of han- 
8omj», /, this eventful mom- 



You have here em ojpfporUinity of observing the Little Bit of Butineu 
traiiMcUd by the Nice Girl who vxm ntch a lot of Aix-aad-a-guarten, Thii 
is the Good Tradesman who ehamges Iktm for her for Stx-and-three^gvarters 
(her size), and aUows her a Liberal Ditcvunt. 



ing, remain the solitary survivor. Even that diUtpidated old grey, who 
" stands *' generally next to me, has been chartered by a rapid youth 
from the New University Olub tpposite, and has aotaally just Umped off 
with a positive flourish. 

Ah me I And to think that it shoold ever have come to this I To 
think that my brilliant career should come in "at the finish " thos I To 
think that /— /, who ran and wen the Derby stakes in the shortest time 
on record; /, who have been the "cynosare of all eyes," the pet of 
Beauty, the pride of " the Paddock,'' the idol of so many raeeconrses, 
the toast at notable dinners, the fashion of the day— even the hero of a 
sensation "leader"; /, who have won in my time so many thou- 
sands upon thousands, should thos " go to the dogs " (and cats) in penny 
portions t 

I was disooarsing thus moumfally only last night to my neighbonr, the 
old grey, and he replied with his wheezy chockle, "Ah, yoa may say it's 
carious ; in fact, yon know, yoK may say soon say it's sibeio^-ioKs/'' He 
referred to thoee little sticks the retail people spit the " penny portions " 
on. I hate a fool 1 I especially hate an old grey one, who oogfat to know 
better 1 Bat A« never had toy ** breed " in Mm. 

So many long, long years ago, and yet — yet that day teems but as 
yesterday ! Happy ? Ay, ay, and yet, oh, how sad ! Luck and ill-look ; 
joy and sorrow ; glad rejoicing, and oh I what bitter mourning.; langhtcir» 
and sunny smiles ; and, ah me t those sad eyes — those salt, fruitless tears'^ 
that passionate cry of anguish — that blank, dull, dead deepAir I 

Yes, on thaJt day, I, obeying my own natural instincts, and my mastei^s 
absorbing desire, won that now historioally famous rac^. For him, did 
I say ? Ay, but 'twas for Ker sake he begged me so fervently to win. 

It was the evening before the race, and I was taking a quiet dose in my 
luxurious " loose box," when I was roaied by my master's well-known 
voice. 

" PRniOB, old fellow," it said; " wake up, old man ; I've brought yo« a 
visitor. Come and pay your respects to this lady, very soon, I trnst, to 
be Mrs. Jaok Wildraub." 

"On one condition, Prihob," murmured the most mosical voice I had 
ever heard, " and it is in your hands, or rather leiis, dear Paiitcis, thai 
your master's fate rests. I have promised to become Mrs. Jaok Wildraxb^ 
but only on condition that a certain Oaptaia Jaok Wildbakb wins ^ 

Derby for me this year...... 

Will yon do this, dear PRiKOKy 
for your master's sake ; aad, 
may I also add, for — mine f ** 
The sweetest rosebud Isee 
in the world was bent downio 
mine ; elingiog arms twinid 
round my neck ooaxini^y ; % 
wealth of soft brown trems 
fell over and mingled with 
my — ahem l^-mane ; her fla- 
grant breath came nearer aad 
nearer, and a pair of red, ripe 
lips pressed a soft kiss as the 
musical v^^ce repeated the 
words "for— mtfie." 

I won, of oonne; how 
could I help it, after tA«(/ 
And how pleased was she! 
How she kissed, fondled, and 
petted me ! How madly ex- 
cited and delighted was be I 
He " landed " not only a for- 
tune in money, but thedearest^ 
the sweetest of sweethearts. 
Ah me I Ob, sad glad- 
ness! Oh, bitter joy t I have 
no heart to linger over the 
story — now almost historical 
— how he lost throngfa his 
own wicked wilfolness the 
sweet wife / had won for 
him. He was intoxicated — 
mad withsocoess, excitement^ 
and wine. He insisted npon 
driving the drag back to 

town. A crush of carts 

and carriages— a dead blook 
—bad tempers on all sides — 
a crael cat at his near leader 
— rearing, affrighted hones 
—a sudden crash— a piercing 

cry — an awful olenoel 

He had overturned the drag, 
and she was taken np— dead 1 
J^e had killed A«r/ 



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Mat 81, 1876.] JUDY, OR THE LONDON SERIO-GOMIC JOURNAL. 



63 



ART ENTERPRISE AT THE DERBY. 



1. PUBB8 & Co. went down oyer night— 
JQSt to pat things straight, yoa know, for a 
glorious take on the morrow. 



2. Putting things straight— **jjuAi one more 
before turning in." 



8. Tamed in where they sleep like 

** stone figgenf* until 



— Anago. 



spectator gJiamg off. 



lost opportunities I &c.<- 
Bage 1 Agony i Despair ! 



selves at the ** Hatch" 
for a kind welcome ! 



next day- 



Shall I ever forget the look that came into the wreck of his once hand- 
some face when he reoQgniaed me in a cabyard some dosen years after 
that t Shall I ever forget his voice as he said, *< And youy my poor old 
Pbibob, have gone to the dogs, like your master 1 Yoti, my poor fellow, 
deserved a better fate than /, though. Ah, well, well ! 'tis a curious 
world—most curious — - 

• •••••• 

Bh t why, what's this t Who's that speaking ? As I live, it's that old 
grey got back from the races ! What*s that the old fool is mumbling with 
his wheesy ohuekle ? 

<* Curious, is itt Mind you don't, too, soon find it shewer-tous, old 
boss.'* 

He thinks thai is funny. How I do hate a fool ! 



DEEBT TIPS. 
(Omly put on for the Oooafioa.) 



To draw your conclusions of the winner with the corkscrew. 

To listen to all hat bands, and play the deuce coming home, wind and 
weather permittbg. . ^ 

To pocket afiVonts, and back yourself to pull against card-board noses. 

To be particularly careful only to cut flowers of speech. 

To put on fast jewellery, more particularly betting rings. 

To avoid bones of oontention and Welch«r rabbits for lunch. 

To buy Juni's extra Derby Number, and drive a baigain '* There and 
Baek"U 



'ABBTB DEEBY ALPHABET. 

A WAS the 'Ajlrt to Epsom did go ; 

B the Bookmaker he boasted to know. 

C was the Cad who beside 'Arrt sat ; 

D was the Doll which each stuck in his 'at. 

B stands for Bpsom Downs, scene of the race ; 

F for the Favourite, got ne'er a place. 

G was a Gudgeon, that's ' Arbt again ; 

H was the (H)aspirate, 'Abbt's worst bane. 

I was the Instrument play'd by a black ; 

J was the Jock whose mount 'Arrt did back. 

K was the Knock-'em-down 'Arrt shied at ; 

L was the Lady he hit on the hat. 

M was the Money they put on the *' pot ; *' 

N was just Notldng, that's all 'Arrt got. 

was the (H)0ak8 that the Derby day proved ; 

F was the Pea from the thimble removed. 

Q was the Quadruped certain to win ; 

B was the Bing 'Arrt couldn't get in. 

S was the Straight-tip he got from a tout ; 

T was the Three-card-trick olean'd him right out. 

U was the Uncle he look'd up next day ; 

y was the Vehicle smash'd on the way. 

W was the Welcher, who from the course fled ; 

X 'Xecrations invoked on his head. 

Y was the Yellow boy lavishly spent ; 

Z was the Zigsaggy way home they went. 



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THE EOTAL EOBERTSON THBATEB. 

Whik, Beveral yean ago, poor Bobirtsov died, I remember I waa some- 
what Beverely taken to task bj other oritica with a prophetical torn of 
mind, becauae I yentured to suggest that Robsbtsok ahould be played 
perpetually at the Prince of Wales's. I said, if I remember rightly. Never 
mind our friend Q. 'a talk about cups and saucers. Play nothing but Bobirt- 
BOH. Play RoBBRTSOK over and over again,- and the house will always be full, 
and the same people will come again and again to see the dear old pieces. 
Naturally enough, such an opinion appeared particularly preposterous to 
the risiDg talent in dramatic authorship. Why, we had half a doien 
authors in those days who knew themselves to be as good and better than 
BoBBRTSOB ! I don't exactly know where they are now, but they then 
existed : to that I am prepared to take my oath. 

Terrible evenings they put ua through just then, these smart young 
men, with their nightmare viaiotta of society, their hero-cad and servant- 
girl- with- ihe-missus's-best-things-on-heroine. ''ficparty" raged viru- 
lently, and was as hard to bear almost as the puns in tiie old-fashioned 
burlesques weak-minded per- _ 

sons cried <* Ok '*at» as their 
lathers and mothers did at 
tke rockets at Yauxhall. A 
lady of noble birth called an 
hereditary lord a fool, and 
he retorted with <*Toa'ri 
another," and everybody 
thought it awfully witty, 
and so like Belgravia ! There 
was not a halfpennyworth of 
pathos in this Brummagem* 
BoBBRTSON school. Nobody 
looking on cared a button 
about the cad-hero's girl 
treating him unkindly, or for 
her repentance, or for any- 
thing else. It waa all a sham 
— all monkey tricks and mak- 
ing laces. 

But at the theatre which 
BoBKBTBOB had made they 
did not seem wholly to believe 
in the genius of the dead 
man. One or more of the 
smart folks even got a footing 
there, and the public were 
quite surprised to find^ that 
they could not write comedy 
for the Prince of Wales*s, 
though they had been comedy- 
writing with enormous success 
in the neighbourhood of the 
Strand. It was something 
like a man after palming off 
his cockney French upon a 
company of cockneys quite 
easily, crossing the Channel, 
and a foreign waiter asking 
him twice what he says when 
he inquires for the mustard. 
The fliBsh-in-the-pan comedy 
did not suit. Once again, 
then, after several trials (the 
last, Meuiktand Facets veiy 
creditable as an experiment), 
the magician's wand is taken 
up, and found to possess all 
its old i>ower, and Oun 
goes as weU as ever. 

As well ? Better. And the thought occurs to me, as I look on, that if 
BoBBRTSOB during his life had been acted and put on the stage as he is 
now, his success would have been even greater than it was. There can be 
, no doubt about it. This play is much better acted than it was then. Mr. 
JoHB Clabkx in the part now taken by Mr. Babobovt was a mistake, 
while Mr. Bakoroft is perfect ; it was auite out ol Mr. Olarkb's 
line. Though it was difficult to think Mr. Harb'b place could be 
as well fiUed, Mr. Abohbr is really much better. Mr. Oollbttb, 
as Sergeant Jovbs, is admirable. So, indeed, are Mr. Ooohlan 
and Mrs. Lbiqh Murray, and, of course, Mrs. BAvoROfT is delightful, 
and Miss Ellbb Tbrrt — I have left her to the laat, but not beoiuse 
I think the least of her. For a long, long while to come will linger 
in my heart the recollection of her, looking like some pretty piece 
of old china — as some one says of her in the play— her grace and tender- 
ness, and the exquisite delicacy of her perception of the character. She 
and Mrs'. Bahoroft are the best Bobbrtsoniab heroines ; neither of them 
must ever leave the little theatre. Thb 0. J. 



A 8EK8ATI0V SOnZ IIT TUTLRAT TBBBAGE. 
Tbbbb was considerable excitement the other night at my Aimi Boms- 
sob's, in TitUetat Terrace. About seven o'olodc the Pireels Delivery 
cart left a mysterious square box, directed to Mrs. Bobibbob, and right off 
my aunt says, " I wonH take it in ; it's just like the one they sent to tht 
poor unfortunate old gentleman in Olerkenwell." 

Upon this. Mart- Abb, the servant-girl, lets the box fall with a great 
crash ui>on the table, and we all close our eyes and wait a minute for tht 
awful explosion. Luckily thert isn't an awful sxplosion, and Oousin 
Emma, who is a remarkably daring girl, says she doeaa*t feel Hfraid of 
one. Thinking, as long as the box remains closed, we are comparatively 
safe, I smile faintly, and say I dare say there isn't mvoh danger. ** Then," 
says Oousin Emma, *^ you're the only man present ; anppoM you open it." 
I say, smiling still more faintly, " II I had the proper implements, my 
dear, I think I should venture.** (I feel sure therd are no proper imple* 
menta at Aunt Bobibsom's. ) 

Oousin Bmma, who is also a remarkably persevering girl, and overdoes 
a little that way sometimes, says there's the sardine knifii and the 

aad proposes to 



Thii lUuatration represents Edwib at the] moment that he is explaining to 
Abobuba (reoenUy Married to Edwdt) that ike Derby is not a Proper Place 
to take Ladies to, and that it is perfectly impostiUe to get out of going him' 
se^f, ynth one or two other Fellows, now that he has given his promise, hut ke 
would give the world to do so/ 



fetoh them. I wish to good- 
ness Oousin WiLUAM wm at 
home, for he always had a 
natuial turn for oarpentw- 
ing^ but I suppose Fm in 
for ik <'Not herer cri«i 
Aunt B0BIB8OV ; " for Hea- 
ven's sake, not here 1 Gfo to 
the bottom of the garden, 
and oh ! pray take care of 
yoursell" 

This ia not so bad ol Aunt 
B0BIB8OV, but how the deuoo 
can I Mlo oare of myaall 
when I have wtk ^ dmdlf 

the pafs-b^, hj iha way. 
Why oosld Mt he make tho 
exp«inisAt ¥ ^Thatis a pMt- 
hoy more or leaf Bsbmm 
he ia an orphan. Therai^MUl 
be a melaMldy ^tTsHiatHnB 
in remembering this, if Mlj- 
thing vent wiong win iho 
i poor lad, and we went iortli 
to coUaet his aoattered hot- 
tons. 

n«a i| BO help for it 
though, I snppoae, so here 
I am with tho box and the 
Inplementa in tka vash- 
hoim, with tka page beldng 

on "^en the box ia 

Bdoved there is decidedly a 
tinkfing Boond faiBide. 

A happy thought oeoon to 
me. If there's gunpowder 
inside, suppose I damp it. 
There's a warii-tuh here. 
Bosmi 

I ieel easier nowt Hom 
goeBt......Oneiiaeoltkolid 

li ofl; and we ire paaping 
inside. .:.... Qood ^;nMio«B I 

There's a wild beast inaido 
— AfivBf Nol He's diad. 
I oant mako ont^ qnito, 
what he is, bntwe'Ts4rewaed 

'■ ~" him. anyhow. 

Here's a go ! It's a stuffed wild beast after alL In point of £Mt» it's 
only one of those artful monkey lamps tkey sell at Wiuxahs k Baob'b, 
and we've broken the glass and soaked the monkey in soapsuds. What 

will Aunt BoBiBSCB sayf Aunt BoBiBSOtf hBs said a great deal I 

shouldn't have thought it of Aunt Bonmjon. 

The Parcels Delivery people have called again lor the box : it wasn't 
meant for my Aunt Bobxbbov. There's aMsehddf else, it appears, living 
in the same terrace, wjio has the impnd^noe to b^ somebody else's Jj^uni 
Bobibbob I 

BUSINESS ANNOUNCEMENT. 
Persons desirous of €h>iog Tliera (im mattsr where) nnd Back 
Again for One Shilling, wil;m>at the trouble of moving a step, should 
i^plj without fail at the Judt Office on oar before the 8th inst 
TmB is an opportunity which must not be miased. N»B.<^There 
have been very few chances of the kind at so low a prioe. 



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flilC JOUENAL— Mat 31, 1876. 



STARTERS. 

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Mai 31, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. 



69 



THE DERBY PAY* (From a ataperlan Point of View.) 



T] 

fe 

g« 
oc 

T 



carriage and four, qnaffinff the 
rosy. Mar it choke him! 
Most likely I. Moses will 
apend a roaring d^, and go 
home hilarions. The ahades 
of lught will Idl on L Mosss 
as he homeward wends his 
w|iy ; and if I. Mosss has a 
^HQseienoe, may ik prick him ! 



a^ 
al 
I 

vr iiOfOt kUVy MM j: ouinto AJUTOuuooey wumm. mo ad wuiwuw 

to walk down to Epsom with A. SLOPaa for the virtuous indlgoatioii of a. Bloper on hearing it hinted 
•u vrwA uvivu w MJiiavuM. fT«»u a. vma/^»b <v«. »*xo that there wasn't no pea at alL 

sake of the pleasure of his society ? No I It wants 

a carriage and pair, and then says SLOPsa is a dose to pat 

np with. This is not flattering, bat it's pretty truthfal. 

And why this year is A. SLOPsa harder op than ever? Where 
ia the Inxnrioas lan- 
4aa, the dashing 
dog-cart, the eo&j 
hansom, with just 
ttoogli room m a 
moderate-sized love- 
liness and A. Slopbe, 
and a goodish big 
hamper inside ? It 
don't m«oh matter 
when A. Slopeb 
4oesn't ran to it. A 
friend in the J 
bees baainess 
o£fered A. Slopbk 
partial accommoda- 
non in a vehicle, bat 
experience has 
tanght A. Sloper 
that bottles are 
lampy to sleep 
on, and yoa don't 

Under these circomstances most probably A. Slopbr will walk. 

AH this is owing to the perfidy of L Moses, who did a loan 
with A. S., and never handled over, as per previoas arrangement 
entered into. Where will I. Moses do ? Most likely in hia 



Slopeb footing It.; 

And where will Slopeb be 
when the shades of night fiedl 
on him? In the midst of a 
dreary waste adjacent to the 
Powna there ia a ditch which 
la generally pretty diy. Me- 
Ihinks aweU-knewnhatanda 
pair 9i legs tiiere is no mis- 
taking stick therefrom, and an 
ambrella and a bottle are not 
far off. Day breaks grey and 
cold o'er this recambent figare» frir, far away from tne busy 
haants of man. Is he anheeded and alone? No; one we 
is on him {see lUustration), What woald this stranger ? He 

approaches alowly 
and silently, with a 
pensive expression 
of conntenanoe. 

Then he muSs at 
the recambent form, 
and then he burins 
to chew up A. Slo- 
peb's hat 

[Slopes, 

PartiaUy 

Ohewed-up 

MoraUit. 



iMPOSrANT P.S. — 

Them is no troth 
in the ramoor that 
the party who man- 
aged the jewellery 
In Hatton Ckffden, 
and made tracks 
with his friend Wallace, after poisoning Mr. Bbavo, is in 
any way concerned in the Gaimsbosouoh piotore robbeiy. Nor 
is Slopes. For farther particalars ask Mr. Superintendent 
Williamson, if you think it worth while. 



Cheap Fare for Yachting Men— Half-larks, chops in the 
Channel, and a roll on the ocean wave. 

Chbebbd, but not Inebriated— The winner of the Derby. 

The Winning Post— The office where the young lady gives a 
stamp, and then a.winning smile. 



A Fish Out of Water— A pla(i)ce on the Grand Stand at 
Epsom. 
Tipple for Nursery Rinks — Champagne in tumblers. 
The Best Course for our Betters— The course of true love. 
Not to be Chaffed— The frivourite. 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. [Mat 31, 1876. 



^ This year Jpdt it enabled to 8taU,vpo% authonti/, that there vnll he nofooUtk young men visible in paper notes, or wth houghs of trees stuck 
tn their hats. NeiUnr %iU penny doUshe worn, or peashooters resorted to. Every young lady u:ho goes dovm unit he universaUy allowed to he 
the pretpusl there, and there unU be no dispute about it. A Iso, aU ladies who lose bets will pay up honourably. Altogether, this wiU be rather a 
remarkahU Derby Day. ^ ^ ^ t^ tr 9 



A GOOD OLD STORY. 

In Three Cmntoi and a Xoral. 

It# : Cavto I.-^tbb Kiobt. 
RsALLT and truly it's very outrageous, 
Derby-day fever is kinder contagious ; 
> Such tattJe and prattle, it's really quite dreadftil. 
Enough sure to fill e'en an anchorite's head foU. 
Well, / shan't go down. No, IVe quite nrade my mind up« 
It's not the trip down, 'tfs the wicked old wind-up. 
Have I any nore reasons ? I don't mean to state 'em. 
I'm daah'd if I go ! There, that|s my ultimatum ! 

Oavto IL^Tbi Morkino or tbk Back. 

What a beautiful day ! How the bright sun is shining ! 
I half wish I'd gone ! There, 'tis no good repining ; 
My mind is made up ! "What's that knocking and ringing ? 
Tliat's Jack Bobinsom's voioe that I hear below singing. 
' A seat at my servioe ? I mutt be a duffer ! 
Well, there, I will go— man was bom but to suffer! 

Gamto III.— Next Day. 
O dear ! what a fool ! How my poor head is splitting ! 
(I think, on the whole, it hurts less when I'm sitting.) 
P'r'aps it was the lobster ! A bad thing that— very ! 
Or the fiSi the cold punch, or the ale, or the sherry^i 
Where the detce is that sov. ? I must surely have lost it ! 
My seat cost me nix. P'r'aps I bet it or tost it 
Kerer mind, now it's gone-^yet it makes one feel nettled. 
NomoreDerbyBforme! Not for Jos! There! That's settled. 
MoBAL.— Goes again next year. 



rax DAV-BSI DXH. 

FcoAOwne the lojal example bo hmdably Bet by the dtj, and bo generally 
t^kca up all otct the ooantiy, of oelebntiog the return of Thb Pbivob, 



tbe Stewards of the Epsom Meeting have it in contemplation to make the 

Derby tbe occasion for a monster duplay of national fealty and Eastern 

sympathy. Among many new and appropriate additions to tbe sport, the 

following features will, it is understood, be specialties in tbe day's 

attractions : — 

A Race between Bogae Elephants, mounted by Welcheis. Sospended 

jockeys, touts, and parties warned off the torf readmitted for ttiia 

occasbn only. 

Hunting the Cheaith, vulgo Wdcher, from the Bing to Tat-Nam Eoh- 

Nor. 
Grand display of pig (skin) sticking (to) by jockeys on restive horses. 
Exhibition of tent^pegging by Messrs. Also KiIxnx and others. 
Extraordinary production of B(h)ang at the rifle galleries, and three 

shots-a-penny stalls. 
Great attendance of (dy) lakeers, and periormanee of their mysterious 

and vnholy rites. 
Substitution of wild pig for the indispensable Derby.dog. Great cap- 
ture of " m<mkeys " in the ring. 
Change of name of the festiyal to the Dah-Bee Deb. 
High Priests and M. C.'s, Hi-Ku Mo and Ah-Lkb Slo-Pitb. 



THE STRAIGHT TIP. 

Td put '*a pot *' upon the horse 
That's bound to win the race, of course f 1 
And as you say <<the tip " is ** straight,** 
I'll run the risk— at any rate ! 

I donH like parting with the tin, 
But then, of course, he's bound to win ; 
And even should he lose tbe race, 
He*s safe to get the second place 1 

What means this flutter at my heart ? 
I wish they'd look aHve and start : 
They're off, by Jore I Hurrah ! What fun ! 
And yes — no— yea^ the beggar's won ! 



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ItrPY, OB THE LONDON SEBIO^COMIC JOURNAL. [k^TitlUR 
SMITH AT T H t O.E UtA Y . 



1. Smith has jost bought a new 8. On the course he meets H.B..H. the P- 

Bipyela. ''I think I'll ran down to 2. He goes down. D'ye tumble? 0? W , who, with his usual urbanity, inntea 

the Derby on it," says he. Skith to a seat on the Grand Stand. 



4. ''Here tbey oomel Hullo ! Why, by Jove, they're on Bicycles 1 '* And overreaching himself, in his 5. Oat of bed, and found that his 

aniiety about this unusual proceeding, little Smith fell new Bicycle had set him dreaming! 



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JruB 7, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEBrO-COMIC JOURNAL, 



73 



OLD PROVERBS TOLD AN^W. 



1. It*8 a wise oUId thai knows its own father. 



2. Never too late to mend. 



8. Borrowed o^othfs never lit well. 



4. First catch yonr hare and then cook him. 



5. When the bam is fall, yon can thrash before the door. 



6. Brery crow thinks her own bird best 



7. A rich Bonthfnl and a heavy groan. 8. It*8 not the cowl that makes the friar. 



"Qw IN THE CORNER. 

Two notable debates oconrred in the House of Oommons daring ^ihe past 
week. 

One night it oocnrred to Mr. PuiraLL to move that the Ohairman 
should report progress, and tarn off the gas. He did not like ** slap- 
dash legislation in the small hoars of the morning/* and so long as he 
sat in Parliament he should protest against it. Mr, Maodohald, too, was 
of the same opinion. He felt '* business should be brought to an end 
bv twelve o'clock.'* He was determined by every license given by the 
House to put an end to these '* irregular sittings. " He explained to hii 
audience that " he wm not to be intimidsted nor put down," and ex- 
preaed his decided opinion that " some of the scenes that took place in 
the Hense" (Kr. Kaodoh aud had been interrupted in his oration by those 
who wished the business to proceed) . " would disgrace an assembly of 
coal-porten." There was a division, when eight persons voted with Mr. 
Paxxvll against 252 in favour of proceeding with business. Thereupon 



Mr. Callav objected to the way in which the Chairman had put the 

question. It was satud^torily explained that the Chairman was right. 

Then Mr. Callah gave Mr. PAaviLL as the authority for his statement. 

Then Mr. PASiriUi said Mr. Callav had miBonderstood him, and tried 
farther to explalu t9 the House, bat '* hs was received with groans and 
laughter. Cries of * Speak up,' * Sit down,' and 'Oh I oh I' were kept 
up for some minutes. " The House wo aid not hear hiuL Mr. Mao- 
doit aid, " who is not to be iatiTild*t3l," wj« forcad to withdraw his 
offensive expressions. 
This was on Monday night 

On Taasd%7 night the annual motion to aijonm the Hoose over the 
Derby Day was made by the Premier. Then the House saw another 
sight The saaie class of legislators, in opposing the motion, declared that 
those hon. mambera who pleaied might go to Bpiom, bat that ** those 
who chose to stay in town should praceed with the business." Thus spike 
Sir WiLf aio Lawsow. " WhU could prevent those who irished to go 
from going,** argued Mr. Assairov, **so long as other members remain to 



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JUDY. OB THE LOSTBOK SEBIO-COMIC JOtJHNAL. [Jura 7, 1876. 



/ 



do the national work ? " Mr. MioDoirija), * * who is not to be intimMated," 
at once law the force of this reaaoning, and voted against the adjournment. 
The tame aigiunent might as well have been effectual with these hon. 
gentlemen on the Monday night as on the Tuesday. If Mr. If acdovald 
is anxious to be off every nigjit at twelve o'clock to sleep or ibnoke a pipe 
with his friends, ther« surely can be no reason why those who are ready 
to proceed with business ahoold not do s«^ although he thinks th^ are a 
sort of people netr^better behaved than ccal-porters.^ Q. 



A EOMANCE OF THE BANK HOLIDAT. 

From Two PoinU of ^v. 
l.'-From 'Amy 'Iogihv AyutVe, U hu Pal, 'Roax AwwHS. 
n4i*',iiHgaiiuiWhuae,'' Brighton, ^ 

WhUtMmday SevmUtiff, 

DBAB '£N]^Y,^Yom see, 
has per address, has I did 
put tiie screw on the guVnor, 
and raised the blunt to take 
my olliday proper. I believe 
yer, my boy ! You says I 
ain't sharp enough for " the 
shirts" department. Well, 
p'raps I ain't so sharp as 
iome ''pushing" parties; 
any*ow, though, I got sharp 
enough to get blunt enough 
—excuse my pun — to do 
this Bank Olliday quite O.K. 
' Now 111 teU yer all about 
my adventure. Fust of 
all I 'ad to look out my 
, togs. Well, as mine was a 
bit wore, and not nUted — 
ha, ha I see the joke T— to 
, the Eeaside game, what d'ye 
think I did f Well, I jest 
borrered a fttiftfrom a pal 
of a pal of mine ! It is a 
suit as* used to belong to 
'' Shobkibs," the Mammoth 
Comiqne, you know, of the 
principal Music Halls, and 
is the identical suit in which 
he used to sing his famous 
song of " Kollicking 'Abet, 
a Proper Swell am I,*' so 
you can imagine what a 
reg'lar toff I came it Then 
I bought a spick-and-span 
new chimney-pot 'at, a reg'lar 
shiner, I can tell yer, I got 
forseven-and-siz, and a new 
scarf — ^a green ground with 
yaller sprigv, and with one 
of our "latest out" shirts 
— them with the Death's- 
head and cross-bones pattern 
— and a pair pf white kidr, which would ave been fust-rate if they didn't^ 
catch the dirt so, and didn't iplit across the back when I try to button 
Vm. So, altogether, I rather flatter myself I am "hall there," as the 
^yin* is. I took a yiUler 'bus from Camden Town to Yictoria~you 
ivoald have jest seen how all the gals kept their hies on me— proper ones 
too, I can tell you— and got a fust- class ticket ; for when your*re dressed 
as a nob be'ave as such, and walked up and down to pick out a carriage 
as had pretty gals in it. I aanire you, 'Ekbkt, to judge from the lots of 
female hies as look*ed out at me from the carriages, I might 'ave 'ad my 
pick and choose. It were all the ** suit," you'll p'raps say ? Yah, old 
pal, what's a suit if the flgger inside it ain*t hup to the mark 1 Now, I 
ain't very tall or big, but 1 rather flatter myself what there ii of me is 
Aly and no error. 

Well, to continue, at the extreme end of the train— which were tre- 
mendous crowded— I found a fust-class carriage which 'ad on'y one occu- 
pant, a truly lovely gal, and a real proper haristocrat one, I can tell yer. 
Well, in I gets, takes the seat hoppersite, and begins to hopen a haflable 
chat on the weather, and such like. My lady, *Qwever, says not a word, 
but she looks straight over my shoulder out of winder, as if she were 
looking at something or other a 'undred mile away. Jest as the train 
were startin', and I was passing another remark, a tall thin gent dawdles 
languidly in, puts a glass in one of his hies, stares at me through it jest 
as u I was the real Shobkivs, and then drawls hout, **]liy seat, I believe ; 
trouble you to— aw — move,'* And 8ome*ow I felt myself obliged to. 

The tall gent addressed hisself to the lovely gal, and from their con- I 
versation (which I listened to careful) I found out he was going to | 



Brighton lor the swimminf^bakh. When I tried to take a part in the 
oonversatioa, 'owever, the tall gent took fiis glass hout of one hi, fixed it 
into the t'other one, and on'y stared at ase through it, without sayia' a 
wofd. ^8(mi€ parties really 'as 910 manners 1 

Fresen'ly it got to my usual dinner-hour— twelve o'eloek— and I got out 
my pork-pie and a quartern of rum, and 'ad a reg'lar good tudk in ; but 
you should jest *ave seen my lovely gal's face when I offered to pass the 
bottle \ After dinner, too, I had jest lit up atwopenny smoke when the tall 
gent, without saybg a word, takes it out of my mouth and ohuoks it 
through the winder. As I said before, some parties 'as no manners. You'd 
hardly b'lieve it either, when I met tiiese same parties this afternoon on 
the King's Eoad, and took off my new tile with proper bow, th^ pre- 
tended not to see, and I saw Ker a-smilin*. * 

I am jest off with a pal to do the rinks, which I 'ear is fust-eiass, and 
we're going to wind hup with a roaring hevening on the pier and the 
King's Boad« So no more at present^ from Yours ever, 

'Ab&t laODTB. 

P. S.— Notwithstanding her insalts, I adore her, land ^Ter shall, far 
hever and hevert 

2.— -Prom Ike Hon. Auot Oasia pa la Cbbmb, to a Friend, ^* " 
" The JBedfordy'* Brighton^ WhU Tuesday, 

Mt Dbabxst Gbobgiaita,— Pity and condole with this child in having 
to give up Town just in the veiy thick of the fun, and bury herself here. 

Even in November I consider Brighton snobbish ; but now, my love, 
now it is to be shuddered— positively tkuddered—a,t. Yet it can't be 
helped, dear ; Sir Willum has said my poor brother Talbot must have 
tepid sea-bathing, and as the only good tepid Bwimming bath happens to 
be here, we came down yesterday morning. Bta^ Httle did we know what 
hty in store for us, little did poor Talbot and L^bow the awful mgnifioanoe 
of those four terrible syllables— "Bank Holiday.**' Oh, my dear, did yoQ 
ever before know any one who has actually travktkd on a Bank Holiday t 
Take warning from us, and, for goodness' sake, tell all our friends. My 
dear Gboboiana, when I tell you, on my word of honour, that we potiiivdy 
travelled all the way from Victoria to Brighton with One of Them^snd a 
male one !— you will, I am assured, feel for us. Oh, the odious, fearful 
Thibo 1 I>o you know, GboIuhava, he actually ate the whole of some 
dreadful common pie-thing, drank some horriUy smelling sort of spirits 

outof abottle, and positively wanted Mb- to ** take a drink///" 

And in the afternoon we met him in the King's Boad, and— As bowed — 
bowed — to Mb ! 

And this morning poor Talbot took <'a header" right tm to him in the 
swimming bath, and the Thibo wanted to— to shake hands with him .' 

And this aftem€ion, when I came a cropper at the rink, the Thiho 
actually helped me up, and— and, upon my solemn word, whilst doing so, 
told me he — "hadored me." 

Ha,ha,hal good gradous I Hat Hall Ha!! I 



A FASHIONABLE TEAGBDT. 

AnoLPHiTS Smith was courting pretty Clbmbbtiba Bbowb, 

And their palpable flirtation had excited all the town : 

They had often danced together— oft encounterd in the Kow, 

And somehow Btot, by accident, at every Flower Show; 

When, of making a proposal, being clearly on the brink. 

He was wheedled Into teking her to see a Skating Eink. 

They chose out the darkest comer, and there, seated side by side, 

Clbmbbtiba was enchanted to behold the skaters glide. 

It was such a swan-like motion! It had such a floating air 1 

Clbmbbtiba was in raptures, and she wish'd to tiy a paxr. 

Then Ajdolphus and his charmer stood with wheels beneath their feet. 

And he launch'd himself with caution, and his safety was complete ; 

And the lady tried to follow with an easy freedom— but 

Kemarkably ungainly was the figure that she cut. 

She flapp'd, and flopp'd, and flounder'd, in a way that none would guess. 

And swung her arms around her like a windmiU in distress ; 

While Adolphvs, at a distaaee, felt a tingling in his blood, 

As she gravitated backwards with a melancholy thud. 

They raited her from the amhaUe, and her face was very red— 

The affluence of ringleti^ had departed from her head ; 

And her form secm'd strangely alter'd, and she stood abash'd and oow'd. 

The obserred of all observers in a eriticiang erowd. 

They left that Bink instaater, and they parted at the door — 

Thenceforth Adolphus never saw his Oismibtina more I 

Many wonder'd what the reason uA yet nobody did think, 

That there'd been that awful show up at the hcnrid Skating Bink. 



CIBC1TX8TAVTIAL ZVIDIUIGE. 



" CiBonxsTABCBs alter caiSB, you know, remarked a Scotch lawyer to an 
old farmer client the other day. "Yerra true, sir," replied the farmer, 
** and cases alter drcumstaaces as weel ; for, man, I mind when ye were 
young and had but few cases, yoiwr eiroumstanoet wema ower braw." 



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)MIC JOUENAL— Jcji 7, 1876. 






A P S E ^ 

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SJir»7;l876.] JTJDT, OE THE LONDON SEEIO^eOMIC JOURNAIj. 



79 



SHOBT MSMS. FOB SHOBT MSMOBIES. 

• • 

Thb !Rioht SoBx^Twelve and a half ttma of gold and silver 
plate bnlHon and indes of vertu, have jnit Vd&n aent by special 
steamer to Enmna^ by the Kino of HiHovsR, and lodged for 
safe coBtody at CopTta s Bank. The preeidiu de^orit is valned 
at a million and il half sterling. This is ]^obably the kind of 
vertu which is its own reward. 

• 
• • 

RiTHXB iM*9nLTi2f.-H3ne of the titles of the recently deposed 
raler of Tnrk^.was " Rsfiige of the World" Bearing in mind 
the tastes he di»layed,«ad Uie pleasures to which the Imperial 
volnptnarf has lor some'4ime past given himself up, one might 
imagine that there was a 
pretentions title, and that 
Mistead of '^j^ftve'* one 
oifl^ib leaa^r^ifla.^ 




Sai^t-watIeb Mem.-^ 
Sallorff are VproverbiiJly 
an out-spoken body of 
men; Thoagh aimouJt 
plates and iron rivels hm?- 
displaced teak plaaking 
and oaken ribs, yet the 
metk- who *' gt> down; to 
the iea'jb WQr «« M 
fraalt aioQ^n^eiiM as 
ever. Vlii^1ihi^,iB the 
explanatioii;^ the Bo^isl 
Naval * ' Besfirve^" ^ Which 
so mu<^ is expeq^? 

Out of hI^ Poweb. — 
The Levant Herald in- 
forms us that during the 
autumn Mr. C^xadstome 
proposes to visit the plains 
of Troy, for the purpose 
of inspecting the dis- 
coveries of Dr. ScHLEi- 
MANK, and incidentally it 
is suggested that he will 
occupy himself by trying 
to find the exact localities 
of the "Seven churches 
which were in Asia.** 
What the ex-Premier*s 
intentiona in regard to 
these churches may be is 
not ascertained; but it is 
a grieat comfort to think 
th^t even he cannot dis- 
establish them. 
• 
• • 

Fbom Woolwich. — ^The 
latest Beport— The report 
of the 81-ton gun. 
• • 

Let us hope so. — Lieu- 
tenant CAMSBONy who so 
recently came triumph- 
antly through the splendid achievement of traversing the 
continent of Africii from sea to sea, is, it is stated, shortly to 
undertake another ez^Unring expedition, towards which the 
Government have zesolved to contribute Jd,000. Among the 
honours received by the gallant explorer since his arrival in his 
native country, he has b^ admitted into the Turners! Compai^. 
Let us hope tiiat when this new expedition has accomplished its 
end. Lieutenant Cahsbom may not only be a Turner, but also a 
re-turner. 

Wat-eb Shame !— Salford appears.to be the Paradise of milk- 
men. A local analyst has calculated that to suoh an extent is 
the milk diluted which is consumed by the artless inhabitants of 
that borough, that the^ haive been paying ^£86,000 per annum for 
has been supplied to " 



sariea of lift, but surely this is buying it too dear, by a long 
chalk! 




contains 

and 1,467 deaths weie restored ] 

happen if this sort of ihing lasts, is too awful to think about 

Where shall we all lite, by-and-by, if the population increases at 

the rate of 1000 a week? 



THUMB MARKS ,^ 
Qa Vew Bookie Xusie, and otk«r Things. , 

A nw end greatly enlarged edition of Oaptdn OaAWLXT's popular "Handy 
Book of 6hime8** has reoentiy been pabluhed by Mean. Wabd, Look & 



the water alone which 
** weak " pretence that it 



I milk. 



them under the 
ater is one of the neces- 



found 'some masterly render- 
ings of the stormy seas and dead calms, contributed by clcTcr Banish 
artists, among which is a Tigorona painting of " The DiscoTeiy of 
Qreenland,** by Gasl Easmussiv, which you should not omit to see. 



SOKG. 

" Where are you going to, my pretty maid ? " 

" I'm going to Spelling Bee^ sir/' she said.* 

" Whtfe is your lexicon, my pretty maid? ' 

«< I do not want one, sur," she saicL 

"What can you spdl, pray, my pxet^ maid? " 

*' I can spell pxize, kind sur," she said. ~ 

**^ Let's hear you spell it, my pretty maid." 

" P-r^-y-e-s, prize," she said. 

*' I woiddn't give much for joja ' rreyes,' pretty maid." 

^ 'Cause you ain't got it to give," she said. 

[Exeunt ambo. 



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80 



JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEBIO-OOMIC JOUBNAL. Jctk 7. 1876. 



1. She]Uiiiikt a bun would do her good. 



8. Bhe loses patience. 



2. She waits for her torn to get serrod with 
ezemplaiy patienoe. 



The Bar Young Lady's Foot before and after entering 
Messrs. What's-their-name^s and So-and-so's serrlee. 



4. "I've lokt the train, and I've dzom»ed 
my bun and flrepeonorth o* ooppera. Oh, 
deary! deary!" 



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Jura 7, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON^ SEBIO-OOMIC JOUBNAL. 



81 



W U M P S Y > (From a Slc^erian Point of View.) 
In Spring- time (aooording to the Poet Laoraate) the thooghts of I Wxuapsv cake. No Wnrnpsyer himself ever bnys this cake, or 
yoath tarn lighllj to love, and it is so with A. Slopbr. I eats it if bought for him : he knows better. 

Also a resUessness oomes over the same eminent personage, | Wampsy is approached on the north by the north wind, and 
and he babbles of green nn thA A^RthirthAAftatwinri 

fields, and goes and walks 
in them till driven off by 
ansympathetio proprietors. 

On Sunday, having had 
his boot-heels set up over- 
night, A. Sloper rose be- 
times and sallied forth In 
aeardi of rural pleasures. 
A friend of A. Bz^pbb's had 
said to \dm^t^T$)s^9k ticket 
to Stn^Ie» ^onctkm-- 
Third retart# a shilling— 
and when yoa get oat, walk 
throngh Bigg^les and Ohnok- 
stead to Wumpsy, and yon'U 
enjoy yonrsalf awfoL" A. 
Slo£RR pursued the coarse 
thjoB Indicatady but his en- 
joyment could not fairly be 
described as above ; in fact, 
ratiyLOtjierwise. 

A. B.4r]Api«8 by Biggies 
with the "t^pUf^]pt that it 
deMirves, bi^ will mention 
casQAily that, it isn't, p^- 
h^,\quit6 m paltry a pUce 
as ChnckBteidl, though v)ery 
nearly. The observations 
contained in this article 
mostly have reference to 
Wumpsy. , , 

Wumpsy came as a kind 
of surprise on A. Slopeb* 
He wouldn't have believed 
in it if he hadn't seen it 
It would take him some 
time to arrive at a satisfac- 
tory oondusion respecting 
the first Wumpsyer that 
ever was, and went and 

settled there. He must have been a strange man. He must, 
A. Slopes, thinks, have had something wrong with him. Most 



Wumpsy High Stroet. 



likely he wanted to shmvhis kind and have it all to himself. But 
the n.ext man is tibie pazzler. He couldn't have been a man. He 
must have been a woman, who foUowed the man, which is 
human nature everywhere, even at Wumpsy, and so fell an 
eacfy prey, which to some extent may account for the other 
Wuiapisyers. 

Wumpsy is not on the high road to anywhere particular, 
or <I suppose there wouldn't have been a Wumpsy. Pro- 
bably the first Wumpsyer walked as far as he could, and 
then lay down at what was afterwards knbwn as Wumpsy. 
If I were a village, I should not like to be known as Wumpsy. 
I'd rather not. 

Wumpsy, I am informed, is resorted to as a nice walk by 
numerous lanatics, who buy a particularly beastly cake called a 



at Wimipsy. This is not 

intended as wit and humour. 

There isn't one. One would have thought one might have done 

well competing with that pump, but STiOFBR don't pretend to be a 

judge. He just mentions the ciroumstanoe as it occurs to him. 

A. Slopsb was told that a fine view ia to be obtained by those 
parties who get as fax as the upper end of Wumpsy, and have 
brought something sustaining along of them in a bottle, but 
A. Slopbr had accidentally emptied his en route. Without 
something sustaining the view is not up to much. 

A. Slopeb has also been given to understand that the parties 
who come to Wimipsy generally come provided after the 
first time. It may, however, be here mentioned casually that 
A. Slopbb does liot meditate a second visit, and takes this oppor- 
tunity of publicly tbanldng the bene&etor to his species who let 
A. Slopbr in for a six-mile mmble up hiU. He feels it was 
kindly meant, and is obliged. 

Slopsb, Moralist with Oorm. 



THE ONLY JONES. 
I OBsravB that Our Boys, at the Yanderille, reached its 450ih night on 
Monday. 1 don't intend to say anything more about it until it reaches 
its 500th. 

Mr. LiH B.ATini, the other morning, at his benefit at the Princess's, 
made a great hit in the character of FHnoe Charlie, in a new play called 
the Pretender, which deserves to be heard of again. ^ 

Oph^ houfft, withoat its *' objectionable features," does not seem 
to go on yeiy well. It is just a little doubtful what is meant by 
objeotionable features. The rsason why so mai^ ^p^ra# &ei#ei failed to 
draiP was, I always thought, beeanse tVej were so dal^^isn^ the women 
«iiit>llSyed is them «o piaia and stupidL 3%ere is an;«A6#os amount 
of nonsense talked now and then about one thing and another by the 
Clerer People. 

I saw the other day for the first time Mrs. HowifU) Paul's marvelloiis 
. imitatioa of Mr. Sncs Rseybs at the Alexandra Palace. It se«BS odd 



enough that an Onlt Jonbs calling itself critical should have missed 
such a treat. Take care you, if you are an Only anything, and critical also, 
do not commit a similar error. Go at once, llie grounds at the Palace are 
just now at their best. 

We are threatened with many French plays this eeaion. It hi to be 
ho ped that this kind of thing wUI not be ovwrdone. 

BBiLDY, JUNE 15th. 

THERE AND BACK 

ONtl SHILLINQ. 

Being JUDTS new 8EA8IDB and HOLIDAY BOOK, for the delectation of 

aU Gad-abouts and aome Btsy-st-hooMB TraTellon. _ ^ _ 

WITH SEVERAL HUNDREDS OT PICTORnLL PLBASAMTRIES BY 

JUDrS ARTISTS, 

And Boma Prose by CTTAKT.BS B. BOSI^ 

VblM bad of all Kewiaffenta and BookaeUen throughout the United Kingdom, 

ataURaUwayBook»tans.|edat 

«• jTjiyr " omoi^ 73, wem ffssEm^ london, eg. 



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82 



JUDY, OE THE LONDON ^EEIO-COMlO JOURNAL. [Jun. 7, 1876. 



THE ARGUMENT. 

Lord aind Matter (tmaU-med, hut re$ohUe), Tou ajue Wbobo, Madax ; quitb Wbohq ! 

Hit Slave, Bar I 8AT I ax vot W&oho I 

Lord and Matter, But I hatx piotbd tou ari Wsoho. 

Bit Slave. I Bia toub Pabdob, I am bot Wbobq ! I mat bb Mibtabbb, but I am bot Wbobq. 



WHY THBT.. WEREN'T THBBE 
When the Jtorbgr wm Bul 
Amomo the eighteeli miUiomi seven hundred and forty thonaand 
fire hnndred and one ' persons (to be quite preene) who inhabit 
li?iigVi><^ and Wales, there are a few nnappzeoiative ones here 
and -there who did not go to Epsom last Wednesday. For 
instanoe :— ' . 

Mb. W. E. .Qladstonb. — ^Had a wodd-ontting job on hand. 

Did not oars to leave it Likes cutting things down. 
Mb. R. Lows. — Prior engagement elsewhere. Quantity of 

homhle-pie to get throogh, and no appetite. 
Mas. P. EoDGBBs.— Had to attend at Bow Street Difficolty 

with <»bman« who deelazed ** he wouldn't take her not on 

no aoooont wotsnmdever." 
Mb. Pbmbbokbr. — Biisonderstanding with Mrs. P., aooompanied 

with high words. Mrs. P. said Pbmhjeokbb didn't go 

withoiU her, *< not if she knew it" 
Mr. Alobbvoii HABDepps.— Folly intended to go, bnt the fellow 

who promised to lend him a fiver didn't show np at the 

last moment Went to *< the offioe " instead, and chewed 

1^ three penholders in the course of the moniing. 



"ThB^UnHAPPT NOBtKMAN NOW LAMOUISSIMO,'' &0. Didn't 

go because the bloated, minions of a tyrannical oligarchy 
wo9't belii^ve he is Sir Rooxb Spent the day reading 
the Latin quotations in Mavob'b Spelling. 

LiTTLB BiLLT Bbown, sged 2, went part of the way with his 
parents in a " wan, ' and somehow got dropped off the 
tailbpard. Was taken care of at the workhouse. 

Miss Gboboii Gdshinotos. — Would you believe it, dading. 
Mamma positively wouldn't let her go. Had the most 
lovely tlung jn toilettes too, all ready— -and then Mamma 
thought it might spoil her chapoes with yon know who, 
love, who is awfiuly rich, but r<uhmr serious. Went up 
to her own room and cried her eyes out. Wait, however, 
dearest, till A« is safely landed, and then 

Mb. R Abtbub (hiAVBBOT.— Never went in his life. Shouldn't 
like to. Thinks no one gets any good at such places. 
Stays away on principle. Should be veir much disteessed 
if any young lady in whom he had any mterest- 

[The remainder next year.] 



NAVAL«~One kind of ship which is sure to be 
" paper " fleet, is a' ** circular ironclad. 



fiioad in a 



PUBEl 80LUBLEI! 
1 1 1 BEFBS8HIN6 



CADBURY'S 
CAM* ESSHICE 



CAUTtOM. 
^If Cocoa 
thiehoia te 
tMeupUU 



rmi^n d ly ths ft o pri tl ir, il n, ftoit thtst^ EO. AtetsdlvWeoarAuei 



,8lnndLW.a-WB[ 



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TA I LOR 



C LOTH. 



Jteveraid CfeiU {much excUed), Now, just look at this Coat, do you call it a GJood Pit ? Tarn fact is, tou oah't Out a Coat ! 
T<nlor {wh09e (Ugniiy it toucKed). Sib, iv tou ooulb PaiAOH A Sermok as wk^ as I oax Cut a Coat tou would havi biin a 
Bishop bbiobi how I, ' l^^- ^^^ coUapm. 



O0E GOUTr CONTfilBUXOE 
At Harrogate. 

" DIAB MaDAX, — I 

came down here ac- 
cording to your in- 
stroctionB, and beg 
to return *jroa my 
best thanks for yoor 
kind oonaideration in 
psonding me with 
a goide to the popular 
wateriiig-plaoeB, bear- 
ing date 1803. In 
retam, I feel it my 
duty to quote from 
this Talnable work, of 
reference, at the 
same time adding a 
note or two of my 
own. 

*'While some 
plafiei^" says your 
gnide-book, '*aro 
Tistted beeaose they 
are fashionable, and 
others on acooont of 
the beaaty of thair 
scenery, HtvrrowgaU 
neither of those attraetions in any superior degree, and there- 
fore is chiefly resorted to by the valetudinary, who frequently drink 
health from its springs ; else wb cannot suppose that upwards of two 
thousand persons would annually yisit this sequestered spot." 
^ The season this year, my dear Madam, has not begun with any par- 
tioular rush, but most likely the number of risitors wUl approximate the 
average above alluded to in the course of time, and meanwhile cheery 
accounts reach me of the general gouty appearauo of things, while the 



popular opinion is that the past long and damp winter will prove very 
£ftvourable to the rheumatic season at Harrogate ; indeed, in the geneial 
absence of trade, it is pleasant to be able to report a slight movement in 
crutches. 

I am staying at the Adelphi, which is a moit oomlortable house, and 
well situated. The landlord's name is Tsus. If ever you should hap- 
pen to say, " Where's TaiBsf " you will be told in the ^urden; but this 
ii not intended for a joke. Tans always is ia the garden. He suc- 
ceeded another landlord called FoBisr, who was always in the garden 
too. The name of the landlord before him was SaauB, but he is said 
to have been a rum one. Talis is a pop'lar man as a landlord. 

The waiter*s name is Jamxb^ and he has never been known to say ** Tes, 
sir,'* nnoe his birth ; but the wonderfully quick way in which he produces 
everything required stamps him as an artist of a high order. He is a 
trifle hard U hearing, and extremely quiet, and you oan*t hear him 
coming any more than he can hinuwlf. 

It is the oustom here, on your arrival in the evening, to' enter your 
name in a book, and next morning you will be addressed by name quite 
&aiiliariy. By dinner-time you are one of a large jolly partyi and find 
younwlf introdttoing old Mends of yesterday to new niends of five 
minutes ago. 

In the momin|[ we "take the waters (after oonsultlng Dr. SoAn). The 
local gaide (published dnriug the second half of the present eentuiy) 
thus describes tl^ salphureoos waters : " They are miftrked by a peculiar 
fcetid oiour, which arises from the presenee of sulphuretted hydrogen. 
As this is the same kind of gas that is generated in eggs during their 
putrescence, there is a great similarity between the two." I don't think 
this is at all fair to the bad eg^ ; I never knew a bad egg to be half as 
nasty as the waters. 

Strange to say, some of the inhabitants don't quite believe in these 
waters. I conversed with an old Torkshieeman on my caw, and he said, 
''Mon, you be at right plaice for yoor oomplaiat I knew a geutlemui 
who come dowa from Looudon la^t year, aul he returned after only a G)w 
days quite welL" On this I asked if my informant knew the particular 
water the gentleman took. ** I don't mind thit he took any water," said 
he; '' but it was Blaib's pills, I know, that did it I" Upon which it oeeurred 



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JtJDT, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOUENAL. [Jura 14, 1876. 



to me that anybody liTixig at Fleet Street would be^able to^get supplied 
nearer than Harrogate; bat I refrained from making any obewvation. 

After breakfaat it ia the proper thing to walk down to the Goneert-hall 
Bink, to see the performance of the Tiree Gracea (two yonng ladiea and 
their geyeneee). Of course they are not aware of it, but tbey are the^ 
chief attraction a^ Harrogate at preaent. They skate beantifiiUy, and 
there it quite a fulent struggle for places when they appear, whidk they 
generally do about noon. I was watching the swan-Uke mofementi^ 
the instructrets the other day, when, by some eitraoidluary accident^' ||ie 
fell. Had Blovdih fallen from bis hi^ rope |ie would nCt have felt inidore 
annoyed than sbe appeared to do at her breakdown. I am, bowcTer, 
glad to lay she is aa swan-like aa ever to-day. 

By the 
and childi 

of life ai 

There is ox 

me much.< 

linking e^ 

indulges u 

right and ] 

the skates 

Tcith him '; 

Mr. WiHKi 

ing *' th( 

With rega 

I feel 81 

rink he is 

well knowi 

by his f< 

am sure 1 

He has 

of baring 

soon as 

closed." 

in an ordi 

coat, talllu 

and blaek 

little too n 

dently lost 

hare no d< 

loss suffidi 

the effect 

thehat-bai 

is eomical 

He should 

has an au 

difficult to 

and hold u 

comer to i 

it wasn't. 

say that i 

of a ^fenil 

KcTe tiie 

le«k«voi|y 

pminfiU tfl 

men^ .<< ahc 

used to sa; 

I should at 

some etf tl 

our rinka 

looking. 
I notioe; 

the Goekm 

tainlya l^d 

afternoon, 

room . an4 

and a, W -- ^ «. v-v^ 

handy every day at one o'clock and nine Tand whei she waa told that it 
was against the rules to send, replied— "Well, all I can say is, you are 
not so obliging aa the young lady at the *Blephant,' at Margate, for 
they'd haVe sent only 'arf a pint as far as the ** 'All by the Sea." I 

may men^^^on that there is a circular refrediment-bar just opposite the 

pump-room. No douit the lady made a mistake. 

Again, a nice ^tmg man, pointing to Higb Harrogate, asked me this 

morning^ — , 

"Do you call that 'Igh 'Atro^te on the 111 t** I could not but amwer, 
"No, rjl be daahed if I do." It was misleading, I dare say, but I 

always did respeet my H's before anything. 
Some startling rotations relating to some very funny people next week, 

if you care for them. 



Wbbh may a man be said to get a start in business ?->When an unex- 
pected bill ia presented to him for. payment. 
A SiHSinvn Plant— A boot-tree with a corn on it. 



THE TEBHBLE TALE OF A POOB LITTLE PIGEON. 

An AvIobitfTaphy of AwftilneM. 

'<Baxo! Baa(^— bang! Bang 1— banc! Bang/** 

Bleeding ; bewildered ; utterly dased and aifrigbted beyond meaaure^ 
I yet mechanically rose into the air. 

Mypoor couppnion In the *''tnp'*~&om which we had jaat been 
rekased-^^ltfltfiBi to the first shot, and I beheld bim in the very act 
of being aebed in ike cruel ensanguined mouth of a huge blaek Dog- 
that sel&ame monater wbo, on that fair lawn of Hurlihgham, finishes the 
.^eruel work oommflMed, and bat too often but partly performed, by the 

i" who there assemble during 
ly manly ^ sport" of shooting 
down my unfortunate brethren 
aa fast aa they rise from the 
" traps" in which they have 
been im-priaoned. 

So far was I saved ; but for 
how long f 

I looked around for any hope 
of poseible escape. There was 
the bonndaiy which, <moe 
passed, I should be counted 
as "free"; but had I strength 
to fly so far I I feared not. 

Yet 'twas hard to die thua, 
in the very dawn and fluah of 
youth ! 

The sun waa shining now ; 
bixda in the leafy treea near 
me *aang merrily; from abotye 
looked down upon me, as if in 
1^, the blue vault of heaven ' 

from below glared up at 

me the crael eyes of the blade 

retriever Me wu waiting 

forme/ 

As I got within a doEen 
or so yards of the earth a 
gust of wind rose suddenlj, ' 
reviving for a moment my 
failing strength, and bearing 
mainseiaihly in ita direction. 
I waaconaoioiuiQf ))eing borne 
towarda a gay parterre of 
gorgeona droses, elegant 
bonnets, and bright fsoes. 
These must be the grand 
"ladies" who come to wit- 
ness our slaughter. 

I sank lower and Unrer 

The cruel ^es followed me 
closely, i WM within a few 
feet of them* . The ensan- 
guined mouth oiiteed fiercely 

I made dneiaat desperate 

effort, and fell forward, bleed- 
ing, emahed, palpitating, but 
still alive, into the lap of 
one of the row of aeated 
ladiea. She screamed ahrilly. 
I opened my gladng eyea. 

"Merey, dear lady, 

merpyl" I eried. "Save— 

oh, save me from yon cruel 

eyes— that terrible mouth ! " 

"Poor Uttle dove," she said sweeUy, looking down at me with great 

pitying eyes. ^ Ah, yes, I will save you." ' 

Sbe took a dain^ perfumed lace hftiktkerchief from her bosom, and 
placing me teitderly in it, told her attendant .cavalier to call off the 

retriever. At the same moment I fainted. 

• • ♦ •. « • ♦ 

She, my Preserver, was a Tvy beautiful Young Lady indeed, and seemed 
to grow quite attached to me, whilst 1^1 abaolately adored her. For 
not only had she saved my life, but her grace and gentle sweetness, her 
ever-kmd soHeitude and caressing manner, caused me to regard her with a ' 
feeling that was far stronger than that of mere gratitude. t 

She bought a beautiful gilt cage for me, which was placed in the window . 
of her own dainty bed-chamber ; but the door waa ever left open, and I 
only uaed it at my own clisoretioii. She fed me with her own pretty handa 
on all the deUcaeiea of the aaaaon, and I aoon found my once emacia t ed, 
frame becoming positively corpulent. 

Alaa, alas ! Too soon waa that aorrowful prediction to be folfilled. 
Some months more of blissful hf^iness, and then, little by little^. 



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JUDY, OR THE LONDON 8EEI0 



THE PROGRE 

* -.J* J ^-, . 

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.j^. 1-7-' ^1 _* ^'-^ ^T _* j» - r* — j» J ^-, *» . 



OMIC JOTTENAL.— Jmra 14, 1876. 



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JumM, me.] JUDY, OE TfiE liONDON SEEIO-GOMIC JO-[JENAIi. 



89 



HOW CERTAIN LOCALITIES GOT THEIR NAMES -1^0. 6. 



tortoltoth: We eofi^ye bisportnit tfte naaao of tMi locan^. 



.W'lIfY, 



* tf'i^f"** *"! a 



duuige took place in my ^i esarm'ji maimer aad attiiacle t9lHi»^'']iie. 
She fed me, 'tis true, with eyen more care, and on era betcSr ilfuidiMf 
bat there was a namelesa iomeihimg eonyeyed in the glaaee sfa^Wt timet 
bentrcm me tha^caiisedmj pigeon «0|^ meet terrible pertiixiMlto«L ', 

About this period, also, I began to notiee a penslye, almost oirf g ig tt ii y , 
expression in my Freseryer*s iweet face whidi I had neyer MMi ^^eire 
before. "^ 

IThat oonld it meani HHiat tnmble lorked in that gentle breiitl'irliat 
inward grief clouded that fiur yevng face ? She had a fine house, beau- 
tiful jewels^ and clothes, carriages imd horses, and loren— lots of them— 
sighing for her like anjthing, what more could she want I 

Then this other strangeaetien did I notice: Her little hand, eyen while 
it caressed, began to possess a curious /eeZm^ touph as it was laid on my 
now plump breesi What, oh what, could that mean ! It was a fellow- 
feeling with which / had no fellow-deling^ 

Alas, how soon was I to be made acquainted with the truth of that 
adage which IJids us not put our trust in princes— or preilgr women! How 
soon was I to learn that ihe lessons in cruelty taught on that blood-stained 
Huriingham lawn were so fidthfuOy carried out by the 4pt pupils t Yet 
who— who would haye thought it of so sweet-looking, so sweetly-dressed 
a being } Who could oyer imagioe, for one briel momeBt^ that, voder 
that kining eictmsM so fiereiBly beat aheart of such cnud ^purpose, such 
fell design, such murderous intent, such—such aldesmanie f^eed f 

My ienrible tale draws near to its terrible Finis. In another day or 
two wheie shall I be ? Where, oh. where t . 

Fair dawned the mom, fair and smiling. The warm bright snnli^t 
streaming into the room awoke me. From afar came the merry sweep's 
musical summons, and the blithe milkman sang hii cheery caroL' ^le 
yery air seemed brimful of the gladness of Life 



I iuuW4 mym'isferatt!, as Was my wont, with soft C6diiig^..;.:.Qheit64ied 
in her lujtirious bed hisily ; yawned ; rubbed heir b^nHful 'et^te'Wllh 
deKcaie fingett;* opened one slowly, and then, as i% feH ote me, I he&rly 
dropped off my perch with surprise at its unusual expression.'..... Wliere 
was Its normal softitess, its customary alm^ mute barees ? AH; Vhfti^ 
Where ? In their stead nc«r glittered hatefully out at me,a crud desired- 
an ayarieious hungry look ihat made me absolutely shlyerwith ^ sense of 
«ome horrible impending fate. ' ' . 

Ptesently she rose, and, coming oyer to my cage, tb^k me' to ^h^ ail|ns 
with a smile ; but, eyen as She fondled me, her solt fingers a^ibeared to 
my afirigbted pigeon soul as the sharp talons of a cruel' enemy. ' Anon 
was I conscious of that curious feding touch — more vhVh,ktahaBte this 
time than oyer — ^which She laid on my plump hotom^tentativelfff it 

almost seemed I looked up in timid depiec^on, and saw thuit baleful 

glitter again in her eyes Tremblbg under that suggestiye touch; 

almost swoo]4ing with fright 4t ths^ straage^ terrible, kmgrg xefttd, I 
saw her Hpa «peii, and I heard hernuitter Ihesa awful word%— '!. . . 

'' Ye— esi iust'aboat right wnr, I think...... afu{ m toqttf ipUh ^(faUr- 

ert$9a, and br9¥fn gravfj ** i . 



CiTio Ahkouncbmbhvb.— ^The precmit Lord Mayor does not, 
it is evident, intend to allow oivio hospitality to Iratfur in his 
hands. All the great lurtists of London are to be inTited to the 
Mansion House. Then the-jadges axe to follow on the pahilers, 
the bishops on the jadges, thd brokers on the bishops. What 
will l^appen after his L^ship has had the brokers in, is not ye 
liiknoniMied. t 



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90 JUDY, OE THE LONDON 


SEBIO-COMIC JOUBNAL. Jujr» 14, 1876. 


NURSERY MORALS. Na4.>( 


On file JJi^n Wrongnaii of Nuraery Lore. 


loBflnTBwitliioiiit 


lengthily. Look, 


■BuUl regret^ and 


toe, at the ii^nsliBe 


ooMidenbie norlifi. 


of the thbg, and 
ihewaythat,thzoagh 
some mere fancy, £e 


OKliiNi, tl»( the Mto 


of Nanery Bookf 


•kiU omtinaei, in 


oharaefeenof oertain 


■pita of ibMe witb- 


animak ha?* been 


ariifly BaroaBtio 


takaiMMy(thefQx*B 


artioles. Thii does 


for iosteaoe); it ia 


Bol Bay maoh for the 


enough, were one at 




aUfozilyindined,to 


paper(orih6artiele8. 

-Bd. JUDT). 


make one feel maoh 


annoyed. Take 


The more I rafleet 


(again for instance) 


ttpon ihe vnworthi- 


the tale of the 


nesof tlie Nuraery 


Prinoess and Ser- 


hero, as oompared 


pent demoted in the 


with the BpoUe« 


aooompanying iilos- 


imrity of my own 


tratbn. This tale 


ohanoter (I am a 


of the Serpent was 


London tradeaman), 


all a toil, of oourse. 


the mora am I loat 


The Sen>ent made 


in wonder to think 


his remarks, and the 


tikat these alarming 


Princes88aid,"You're 


hnmbnga ahonld bo 


a boa»" vid he said. 


tag hnTe been tolei'- 


"On the contrary, 


irtedhf an indulgent 


dear lady, Tm quite 


pnhlie. When I 


an agreeable rattle." 


think of that feUow 


I don*k know what 


whoee name iBasBo- 


else he said. I can't 


dated with the bean- 


Imagine ; but you 


stalk of abnormal 


know, of course, a 


growth — an unhappy 


serpent must natu- 


oombinfttion of rogue 


rally be a sort of 


and fiml-when I 


kind of twister, and 


think of that whole- 


that h thrown at 


aide murderer (an- 


him. It*s Tory un- 


other Jaok), and in- 


nn&ir 1 


deed all the rest of 


The Princess in 


them, I BBk myself 


question used to 


"Why soTandaU 


climb cp a tree (nice 


thai lemainBof the 


kind of behanour on 


iSeAo, at one half. 


the part o! a Prin- 


penny, ia disereetly 


cess, it seems to m*-). 


silent 


and there meditoui 


BeaUy, though. 


upon the hopeloM- 


what moot eimtes 


ness of her Ioto 


myoontempt is the 


afGfdrs. (She wanted 


way that beastieB in 


to marry some peu- 


the Taiiovs infiuotioiis 


nUesB Tagabond, an i 


fables, fairy tales. 


her friends yery pro- 


and snoh Uke, tolk 


perly did not see it.) 




Up to her climbed 


We have a grand in- 


a Serpent endowed 


stance of this in the 


with a knowledge of 


abanrdly-nnlikely 


the world and its 


Btoiy of the UtUe 


erookedest ways. He 


boy who wanted to 


tried to persuade her 


play tmant, and 


not to makeaUttle 


asked several yir- 


fool of herself, but 


tnons^ if long-winded 


she took no notice of 




his good adTioe, you 


bim, npon which. 


may be sure. She 


ihey, instead, im- 


married her vaga 


ynved «he oooasioQ 


bond, of conis^ 




the admission of the "lay' 'element Hiis event has caused a 
great stir among the members of that body. It would be a mis- 


SHOBT MEMS. FOB SHOBT MEMOBEBB. 


hknun rnoM Cohstamtimoflx.— It is aanoiinoed fhat one of 


take, however, to suppose that the " lay" element has anything 


ti^efint Mti of ihe new Sultan of Turkey wms to oome out with 


to do with the Ascot week or the Derby Day. 


n MW Helt What a dTilized penon His Majesty must bel 
Any other Tnrk would have worn a turban as a matter of oourse. 

The Western nations ooght to feel oompUmented. 

• 


• 
What thw Sat.— A yeryflenml diibeUef ha. be«i expieaMd 
in the offidia vankm of the SmOi of tb. late Saltan of Tarkey, 
whiohMooont would make him out to be a Bound.. The beUef 


OvBious.— It was reoentily dedded, in the Court of Queen's 


ia that, wfaatOTsr waa the oanae of Abdolb deceaM, Moaa«d 


Benoh, in Dublin, that it was quite legal for a olergyman to 
marry himsell Bearing this in mind, it is remarkable what a 
qoantitj of clergymen marry other people. 


something to do with it| at any rate. 


An Akobcalt.— It is a peculiar thing that a man jrho will not 
be pleased with anything u, after all, lae most contented person 
in existence, for, you see, noting satfsfies him. This w&l bear 


Nkoissaat F4XPLAMATI0M. — AftsT a disottsston lasting over 


eereral days, the Wesleyan Conference has decided in favour of 


thinking over. 



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Jtoi 14, 1876.] JUBT, Ok TfeEE LONDOiN' fSEBI(U3bMiG J^ilTBNAIi. 



dH 



I MP U D E^ T R B B E R V. 



aoing 80. xne^e circntn- 

stances maJce the thing clear. i ' , 

SiiOPEn's picture certainly was on the premises on Satarctay at 

the hour oi dosing./ Bc^t ^ere, iiQ}iappuy, all clue to the robbers 

is lost ; - 

Slopes him«elf haa not been seen for sooia tixQe.. He is, as 
may be observed, by certain aveirts piotorially depicted cm page 
92 of this number, most likely somewkesd in ths Eeet, settling 
Eastern diffionlttes;* and he lias, also*, ode or t#o Coonty^Coort 
judgments oat against him. ' l^e loss,' It is needfiBss to say, is 
irreparable. E venthe sfrtist says he could not diei^ it again at the 
same price, and we don't fbel inclined to |^yid' tnore. Besides, 
look how every one seeixis to be goiiig on. 

The excitement caused by the robbery of Gainsborough's pic- 
ture of the idoroHEss OF DflvoNSHma has hardly subsided before 
an equally extraordinary theft is reported. Some uuprindpled 
person or persons have carried off the " bnmping-stone " of the 
parish of. St. George'srin-the-fiasl^ When, £ow« or with ^hat 



T)«9 Offio^ Bojw-bU Agony. 



in nopes or some lona ot 
t > restilt, even if it isless than 

same expect To help linngs fldoi^, th^ distiugiiishel services 
of the celebrated French scholar who drew up the police b!^ for 
the DooHEss OF Bevonshibe picture have oeen obtaihed, ^th 
the following result ;— 

A etait Clone pendant le «oir de .Samedi demiere hon de la 
fbnailx^ de boutique de Jufiti qHaodlJa gar^on de la boatiqae en 
question M aller cherch^ le Inerre do la«oilpeir, le aebbreitebleapi 
representant Slopatrs, literatmir anglaise distinga^ 4t antie 
choses^ fumant son ^eeokwe^ck ordbaire en le mdme ten^s qoe 
son ami intime M. lev Moisb addresse k ltd nn conversanon 
anime. Si on a pris ce tableati celebre pour une aluetto setld- 
ment on est prier de retoum6 le mSme toutesuit ou plus tot. 
Si o'est le literateur distingu6 qui I'a fait on hd ohadfifera 
loreilla gauche quand on le voir le prochaine fois. Fait^ pas 

*'"^- By Order, Judy. 



Now Ready, '' THERE 'AND BACK," One Shilling. 
Being Judy's New Seaside and Holiday Book> for 
the Deleftation of aR Qad^-abouU and^ Some Stay- 
at'Home Travellers. With Several Hundreds of 
Pietorial Pleasantams by Jm>Y'i» ArtisU, and tome 
Prose by C^hables - HJ Bosb. T0 be kqd of all 
Newsagents and Booksellers throughout the United 
Kingdom, at all Maihvay Bookstalls, and at 
*' Judy" Office, 73, Fleet Street, London, E.O. 



"Q'' IN THE CORNER. 

Wait Hosday waa ceJehratod in Hyde Park bj an imposmg. iMraj of 
sashes, scarres, rosettes, gay insignia, banners and brass bands, ^7ened 
** to assist and encoarage Sir.WiLvaiD Lawsoh in Ids great and noble 
misaion." 

Music and speechifying enlivened the proceedings. The mosie, it mast 
be confessed, was not yery extraordinary ; bat the speeches were. Most of 
the bedecked and bedisened demonstrationists obviously regar.led the 
meeting as a solemn afiair. Every soarf and rosette bearer evidently beloved 
that by going into the Park dressed up in coloun he was doing good to 
everybody. As he ilngerad Ms comet or held on to his banner Uke a pall- 
bearer, he seeDMd to bnply that he had only to be consulted, and he oonld 
make the world happy and contented in five-and-twenly minutes. If the 



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JUPY. OB THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIG JOUENAL. [Jum u, 1876. 



ALLY SLOPER TACKLES THE- EASTERN DIFFICULTY. 



1. WboQ afctondl&flr it place of wonhlp in tht 
■Mi you tn resfoctfnlly reqoMted to 1mt» yonr 
booii4uid aho68 outidda. Bu>nR suffered agoolea 
about the fate of hie wblUt he was away. Ob- 
serve them In front. A lady^ at the baok. Two 
I right and left. 



"X 



Jw What SLOPCB.Mys about Sultanas is this— 
fhej .do not ordinarily apply thtdr pocket-hand- 
IcAwJieCs to tte usee most oommon tn ^*-'- 
M.B.f'lfo more do the Sultans. 



this 



^ a new OUAMHX WWUVS, w ^w >«>»• .wmaM^ w«w 

T Hatt, A. Blopbr sent his hat round at once 
—on his own aooount. 



5. At a matter of oourae, A. Slopul got the saok 
whilst at Constantinople. He, however, had not 
read his" Monte Gristo"fornoth^. Ha.1 hal 



pMlipBiflBl ill Hy4e Ftok oould only get the Parliament in WMtmioiite. 
to be AftModAiidasfw-feaiiigMheiuidliiffineiids, tlMvewo^ 
fbr BHpaML ,t« «Qi— not. 

tti jMAkotB wwt of the mme ci^oii. Sir W. Lawbov, ILP., ez- 
pWiMl foihe auenibly that they were ** honest men, met together to do 
food to tiM wkole of the oImmo of society in the country/' And Sir W. 
hlmami m head miMioBaiy in " the great and noble mission/' ooght to 
know. AnoQEding to him, ''the bog and the ahort of itivmSp that the 
poor atftahoddhafe the same rightas the rich man." Aa. there were 
■efwaL ^gHfh"»-» about, the sentiment was heartily oheered. As, how- 
mm4 the water added, <'The House of Commons refused that," it was 
■ol«ai^ioiil«rly dear what rij^t was alluded to. The House of Commons, 
it affeved, '* went upon Totea, and upon nothing else, that he could find 
oiik/r Vuasonndedodd, and produced much knghter among the /Msarrea 
mi r ea s^le s^ as if thiry understood it 

OMinal MAmiso ah» had something to si^. Referring to the 
remark of*a prerious orator, that a rich man had cleared his estates of 
pnblio-liouses, the Cardinal announced that '' what he demanded was 
that tiM. poor man should be enabled, if he wished, to do hy right of 
kw whit the rich man did by right of property." The poor man should, 
hiawwd« ''be able to say whether he would hare publio-houses or 
■oi.'* Of ooune, as a matter of fiMSt, no man is at present obliged to 
hav« fiM&o-hoases; but it seems, from the eontezt of the speech, that 



what Dr.' MAKnva meant by allowing the poor man to saj "whether he 
woulkl have pubUc-houses or not,'* was that the poorman should haye it 
in Ids power to say whether other people should hare public-houses oc^noi. 

Brerybody is ready to admit with the scarres and rosettes thai dnmksa- 
ness is a cnrse^ just as erery other had habit is a ourse, to the nalioa as 
well as the iudiriduaL StUl, the revolution in morals proposed wadat 
the Beformers' tree on Whit Monday is not one to be aeqnieioed in bj 
inteffigent people. It is sepogDant to Bnglish feeling for one man to bt 
punished lor the beneftt of aaother. If two persona out of eiscj three 
are desirous of foregoing the use of public-houses^ thej are at liberty, 
however poor, to do so. The t(drd person mig^l oeeasJouftlly.find the 
pablio-house useful to him. If he abuses the priyilege, he, and he 
alone, should sulTer. The plan proposed, by the bill of " tilie great and 
noble miasionaiy,'' Sir W. Lawsoh, HP., to make people sober, se ems to 
me to be about equally legioal with a public reysulation whioh insists upoi 
putting a man in a cell to avoid the dagger of a pursuer, instead of aMffw* 
bending the o£RBnder. 

Speakers and hearers appeared to think no difficulty beset their filftle 
scheme. Saaet a PermiiMive Prohibitory Liquor Bill ^nd eveiyttilig 
would go welL 

The division, "by votes," in the House of Commons tO'day ooght 
efTeotually to show the scarves and rosettes that, howster good they m^t 
be, th^ are not very bgioaL (^ 




s 



PUBEISOLUBLEI! 
! ! I BEFBESHING 



cAvriow, 

Hlftp iii la 

* —/A 



COCOA ESSENCE 



SIQMAL yiCTOIIY as Iht mmat OnaA OmpMMm. Md at lb* T«cI 



TAYLORS PATENT 



SEWINe 
MACHINES. 



1 




PttbMrt>edbytheFMpiietor,atTg,Fleet8t»eet,B.C. Printed br Woonrau^ Xnaan, lOloed I«m^ aHawi, W.C— WaDHSSDAT, June 14, llfi. 



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JimK 21, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON ^EEIO-COMIC JOURNAL. 



93 



ONE WAY OF LOOKING AT ITI 

Enerottic Tntumnei Agtnt {entirely w, OmraUfiwi) hat heen pdnting out to Father of Family the Bkuingt <^ lAfe Tmuranee, 
Advantaqb in oub OrricB— ws charob ko mobk Pbkmium fob Buicmn tbak wc do vob obdinabt Obanob-pul Dbaths. 



TBBX, AOA.IK, THVRB 18 THIS 



Father of Family. NoT^ am'oblTobd to tou— that would bk ko Advabtaos to MB; BnuBS, at my Timb of Lutb, th« PBBifnzM ra lo vbbt Hbavt. 
Agent {with much aUierity, and evidently ftding Qmmiuion landed at laet), Ym, MT deab Bib; but thsk you would ALWAYS i 

8ATI8FACTOBY PaOT BBfOftB TOU, THAT YOU COULD WOT HAYB TO PaT MaBY I 



r HAYB THB IICMBHBILT 



SHOBT MEMS. POB SHOBT MEMOBIES. 

• • 

TouoHiNO Instanob of Ftltal Affkotion. — A yooog man, on 
receiviog sentence in London, reoently, of seven years' penal 
servitude for robbing a drunken man, gravely asked the judge if 
he might be allowed to leave the prison for two hours weekly to 
go and see his mother. He was of course anxious that his 
mother should know he was out. The judge, however, could not 
he persuaded to " see it" 

• • 

SdKNTiFTO. — Since Mr. Cbookbs made known to the world 
that sunbeams were capable of being weished, to half an ounce 
ta ao, several persons have been trying tneir hands on similar 
aueetions. As to the velocity of sound, for instance, we hear 
that apreat deal depends on what the sound is. A call to dinner 
travels very quickly indeed, whereas a call to work has hardly 
any- effect at all on an Irish labourer. The sound of the church- 
going ben also, in too many cases, for any eflbot it has, might as 
well not travel at alL 

Mkm. fob THBiTRioiiL Manaobbs.— There is considerable 
difference between a great hit and a heavy blow. 

• • 

Chabitablb Rinkino. — The Parisians have, it appears, hit 
upon a new form of benevolence. We have all heard of charity 
bazaars and charity balls. Last Saturday there was held in 
Paris a fancy rink, and the rinkers had the satisiiEu^tion of feelbig 
that while th^ were skating they were, as the announcement 
eloquently said, "helping to dry a few tears." This would 
doubtless be a great comfort to the rinker who, while he was 
doing " all he knew,'* suddenly found himself sitting down *' like 
a thousand of bricks,*' at the same time that his astonished eyes 
saw several pounds' worth of fireworks all at once. 



MoBAL Rbflbction fbom Mbs. Stubbs.— " Ah," said the worthy 
old lady, as she stood staring at a placard which had caught her 
attention, on which was inscribed ** Youth wanted** — ''yes, I 
dessay. Most on us who have got a bit oldish, as you may sa^, 
might carry a ticket about with * Youth wanted ' printed on it. 
But what with old Father Time, and what with them School 
Boards, most on us will have to go on saying * Youth wanted,' I 
expect, for a long time to come." 

• • 

Railway Nsws.-r-Now that the railway "accident"— beg 
pardon, the railway excnrsion season, has set in again, most of 
the companies are, it is announced, *' engaged in an active in- 
spection of their permanent wav, in preparation for the expected 
large increase of traffic." If these railway companies can 
manage, while they are about it, to look to a few of their other 
ways at the same time, it will be all the better for the travelling 
public. Some of them need mending very much indeed. 

• 

• • 

Lboal Mbm.— It is quite possible to act in a straightforward 
course even when you go on circuit, but still it is not easy— for 
a lawyer. 

News fbom the East. — ^The wind has changed. 

• • 

Fbom Ems.— His Majesty the Emperor William of Gbbmant, 
and His Majesty the Emperor Albxandbb of Russca, have met 
at the railway station at Ems. The greeting between the two 
sovereigns (of coarse) was of the most cordial character. Great 
interest is naturally felt by the great persouages of other Euro- 
pean countries in this meeting— an interest v^^hioh is coupled 
with no little uneasiness on the part of some. These feel that 
while the Kaisbb and the Czab are engtffed together at M's, it 
will be well to look after their own P*s and Q's. 



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JUDY, OB THE LOmX)N SEEIO-COMIC JOUENAL. [Juki 21, 1876. 



THE.FBBNCH ACTOE MANIA. 

UBELT the time haa 
come when some of ns 
might begin to leave 
off tallcing uonsenBe 
about French acting. 
Yean ago poor Albert 
Smith, in one of his 
most boisterona moods, 
wrote ecstatically of 
the delights of those 
Camiyal days when, 
as a student of the 
Qaartier Latin, he 
sometimes wore a d6- 
bardeur*8 dress for » 
whole week together, 
and whirled and gal- 
lopaded to the iftusic 
of MirsABD and Mag- 
. BUS in the Salle of the 
£ue Yiyienne, or the 
more boisterous as- 
^ sembly of the Frado, 
until the chiffoniers 
had been about some 
time before he wandflred baek to his abode on a sizidme in the Hue St. 
Jacques. And he eren admitr, with something of the candour of a 
BousBXAir, that sometimes he did not go home at all, but passed the night 
In the Tiolon below the staircace of Uie Opera Comique, and appeared 
before the police next morning in glazed hat, blue shirt, and black yelvet 
trousers, making what excuse be might for haTisg given himself up *' un 
p'tit pen trop" to the abandon of the cancan, in defiance of the placard 
which informed him that the style adopted was '* defend u par les 
autorit^B.'* But after this he goes on to state that an Euglish mas- 
querade is tiie saddest thing in life-^the ghost of fun decked in the wom- 
ont trappings of happinesfr— a gilt skeleton adorned with wreaths of 
attifidal flowers— a hearse hung round with illumination lamps. 

Now this is unfair and untrue, yet it was the fashion to say so when 
Ali^bt SmiH wrote. A sober man, with morals, would not find a 
F^neh lal masqu^ very amusing. I, myself, as a person with morals, 
beg to state I have never amused myself very much, whilst sober, at such 
places. AiAXBi Smuh was vain of his French, and his k|iowIedge of 
French life, and in those days he enjoyed himsdf so much he wasr— young. 
At the Boyalty, just now, Le Prods Veauradieux is being placed by a 
French company with pmch success; but, honestly epeakisg, Messrs. 
BmnB and Sobst are much Inferior to Mr. Chaslbs Wihdham and Mr. 
JoBv Clabkb in the same characten in the English adaptation of the 
piece at the Criterion ; and the latter would be a great deal funnier than 
they are, could they indulge in a litUe of the fun which the Lord 
Chamberlain only licenses in French. 

At the Haymarket a clever play, written by the best liviog dramatist, 
is excellently well played by English actors, and soundly abused by most 
of our critics, who quote tiie original impersonators of the characters in 
France to the disadvantage of our acton and actresses here. Miss 
HonsoK, one of the actresses, writes to the Timea to say that some of 



her " business" which had been objected to, is the Freneh ao t r es w a ' 
bmnness copied exactly. Some one has said that Mr. Hxbxah Yxzib's 
idea of the character "must be as distinct as possible" from that of a 
Monsieur Coqublin, who acted the part in Paris. Why sot Miss 
HoDSOir says she has been in Paris, and it is not. A critic asks why we 
should be treated to Alexabdke Dumas's '* pseudo-philosophy." I 
can't say, I am sure, except that it is very clever and very amusing, and 
much better than the article we are supplied with at home. Li spite of 
all this we are, if you please, to have (it will, most likely, be produced 
before this is published) Lu DamchfffsX the St. James's TheatB^ for 
which, if you please, Madame Fabouxil and the " entire company" of 
the Od^n have been specially engaged. It would be ungallant of me to 
ask whether Madame Fakoubil is in her own country thou^t as much of 
as she is here. J trust, however, all the gushing criticisms which will 
appear about her will be carefully translated into French for the benefit 
of those over there who are not so well informed. 

Meanwhile, an actor called Hbbbt iBViHa is playing in an admirably 
constructed adaptation of a French play, which did not, I believe, make 
any extraordinary hit when produced; though, doubtless, an eminent French 
actor, whose name I do not remember to have heard, played the leading 
character. I trust, if ever I go to France again, I shall see the original 
impersonator of Matthias; but, meanwhile, I confess that Hbbbt 
Ibyiko's acting in it is the most powerful and the most extraordinaxy I 
have ever seen. It is, in truth, a revelation, and any one professing to 
talk of English actors and acting who has not seen The Bells is out of 
court. You, Madam, have seeil it, of course, several times. 

, Thb Onlt J0BB8. 

t MS. EBWUr DAHYEB8. 

SovB of my readera may perhaps now hear for the fint time that Mr. 
Edwin Babtbbs, the clever comic actor, who in the old Boyalty days of Miss 
Pattt Oliyxb made the house ring again and again with hearty laughter, 
is, through no fault of his own but cruel ill-luck, in great pecuniary distress. 
A morning performance for his benefit will take place at the Olympic 
Theatre on Saturday the 1st of July, and meanwhile Mr. Jambs 
Mobtikbb has kindly undertaken to receive subscriptions, laige or small, 
at the Figaiv oflloe, St. Bride's Lane, E.C. In these times of luxurious 
playgoing, when a stall is paid for in gold, and paid for without a murmur, 
you, ladies and gentlemen, whom he has made to laugh so often, will not 
now allow the poor actor to starve, when it will be such a small sacrifice 
and small trouble to send him the odd guinea which means such a little to 
you, abd so much to him and his children. 



The Dilbreiice between Men and Women. 
Mo9T men like oourtiog. 
Very few like being courted. 
None like to be caught 
Very few women but what like courting, 
Most like being courted. 
All would like to be caught 
Foftkunoiu. 
Bb cautious, friend C(£Leb8, ere taking a wife. 

For nothing on earth can undo it; 
Too raahly I married, and settled for life — 
Xhe D— — 1 knows how I got through it ! 



HARD CASES.-A Drama 
SoBBB.— TFAere you [ like. 



IN ;One Act. 







1. "Bnter (medUatively meUmcholy) 
LoBBs B. He sighs, and is about to 
exit L. when enter to him Kbobbs 
(he sighs). 



2. {They recognize each other). Kbobbs. 
"Well met, but ^wby that melancholy mien ? 
Confide in me.— Lcbbp. Wy wife is very 
bad; she has to hcep her bed {vetjps). 
But you look down. 



3. Kkoebs. lAine's also very 
bad, but ehe has sold it ! 



4. They heave sympa- 
thetic sighs and exit in 
opposite directions. 

CUBTAIK. 



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JUDY. <m TBM 



SAVE HIM FRC 

[THE DONKEY WlY BE STAB\i( 



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OmC JOrOflfAL— Jnn 21, 1876. 



A HIS FRIENDS. 

, BUT THATS NOT THE QUESTION. 



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Juyi 21, 18760 JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-GOMIC JOUENAL. 



99 




**THB COUESE OF TEFB lOVU" 
At ICBcQioroiigli-QMtoa. 
1 .-^From Mim Bbuaa Akbuxa Tbimuxvcs to a^Boeov Frxbkb. 
iVo. 2), Mcfrine ViUcu, Mudbor(mgbr<m-Stay 

Monday Morning, June l^th, 

EyXB DAKLDTGIST JdtlIA,*^ ' 

As you aee, here we ttre 
at likBt actaally located in 
' thiB most truly delightful 
. semdde retreat, "Par," 
as the Poet fliogB, "from 
the busy haunts of Man, 
and the ceaseless hum of 
— er — whatd'yecallit ? *' 
-—you know. But, oh, 
JuLU, you can really 
form no conception of the 
awful job I had to per- 
suade Fa to eome ! So 
unrea9onal)U, you know, 
saying he couldn't * * aiffDrd 
it"; and what could be 
more rtdieulosuly prepos- 
terous than his actually 
suggesting I should wear 
the old frocks I had last 
summer, "done up" to 
wear Mis season t "Done 
u]^" indeed— /'m not 
going to \e "done up" 
like ikai/ Beally, one 
doa expect the author of 
ime's being to possess 
a lUUe common sense. 
Howerer, by pursuing 
m^ usual tactics with Fa, vizt,, a eeaselea and ever-persistent "good 
woh7," I ^^"^^ sot two really tweet seaside costumes, and quite a duck 
of 'a white hat— the f^fiihioiiable coarse straw with the ieru, quiltad silk, 
and big white feather. 

And now, dear, that I hare told yon the tmportan^ news— my fnxdcs, 
yoii know — 1 must approach afM&Br absorbing matter, whieh is our 
"First floor "here. Oh, Jvlu 1 oh, my dear! Neyer before hav# I 
erer seen tuck a lore of a moustadie— long, golden, droopy ! And his 
dear whiskers ! 1 And his sweet cux]y» yellow hair 1 1 ! Ton will observe 
I kave put three strokes of admiration ta his sweet hair ; but how many — 
oh ! how many— strokes would it not take to mark, in tiie Contest degree, 
th^ way with whi^ He altogether, moustache, whiskers, and hair, little 
fe«t and tiny hands, and, oh ! his melancholy, great, romantic eyes, his 
vanished boots, and big diamond ring, has strudc me all of a heap ! Ah 
me ! this, my Jvui, this I feel— I know^is real Love 1 Tour tea-broker^s 
clerk moff be very nice— mtnd, dearest, / don't breathe a word against 
your ALBXAimxR— but what are tea-broker*B deiks, what are Aluxaiidie 
jERKnrscs— any number of them 1— to my beautifnJ, my noble, my peer- 
less ALomuioir FiTZBot Flahtiobhbt ? 

" Do I love ? Ah, yes. And my Gbarmer I Uese, 
And the World wsre well loet for her sweet caref s. 
Does my Love's voice reply, 'Yes— yee*? Nol Mot 1 1 
Tis only sad Bcho as answers ' What t ' " 

The above are the touching last verses of some truly beautiful poetry 
my Alqsbioh Fuzbot slipped under my chamber door late last night. 
Shall I consent % Shall I pronounce that Uttle syllable " Tes " I Down, 
down, little flutterer ! Yet— heig^ho l^Hore anon, dearest Julia, from 

Tour distracted, but loving, BsuifDA A. 

F.S.— I am to meet him after our eariy dinner by the " Sea, the Sea, 
the Ever Free.** Down, little flutt«rer, down! 

^'^Prom Algebkoh Flashiivotoit to a Bosom FiasHs. 
2i, Marine ViUat, Mudboro* -on-Sea, 

Monday^ 11.80 a.m. 
DsAB Bob,— Here I am, yott may perceive, safely — mark the word, 
sa/e^— ensconced in a First-floor lodging-house at this dead-and-alive 
little beast of a watering-plaee. Oh, my Bob, how slow it is ! and, oh, 
how confoundedly hipped is Tours ever truly I Ton my soul, Bob, if I 
didn't know it would be runniog into the very jaws of the enemy, and if 
it were not for one *' real good thing '* I've tumbled on here, I should 
hook it bad[; to Town and tiie c^ce. By the way, though, have you 
heard %Dything about Moses's people, and what tkey sjre going to do, 
whether County Oeurtsng, or t'other way of paying attention ? And, by 
Jove ! I was just going to forget askiog if you can tell me what our old 
Stick-in-the-mud Jobbs eaid, and-- ha, ha . — how he looked, when he got 
my Medical Certificate. Ha 1 ha ! ha ! That was a good rigmarole of our 
young friend Babtbolombw Gui'b about " the tissues requiring " so-and- 
so, the '* nervous centres wanting a thorough reorganitttion," and it being 



" absolutely nmmm that the entire syitem should ^rpsritnee a general 
reernitment, and pertMi rest ;" and the neat perocation how it could not 
be dene under tkree netklhs' Sick leave ; "taking a Islr, and, if abything, 
lelow an average calculation." Ha, ha, ha ! I flattej: myself that rather 
struck old Stick-in-the-mud. There have been two fellows I .could swear 
were bailifik sniffing about here — followed me down, I think — but my 
clever wig, and whiskers, aod the truly miraculous "moustache" quite 
puzzled 'em. 

Now I cctoe to the "real good thing," which is a rather pretty girl— 
for thU place— who, with her Fa, inhabit the " Farloure" and " Sccoad- 
floor back " in this house. She is the only child (and heiress) of old 
Tbimminos, the big haberdasher 6f the Brompton Bead, and ought to 
come in for a big lump. The sweet innocent is dead on to Tours truly, 
and will, I'm in hopes, hook it, and get tied up on the quiet with a 
"Special "to Tours as before. I shall explain the little matter of my 
taking the Flabtagbnbt sarname later on— with my own littie comments. 
We meet by the "Sad Sea Waves," as she calls the beastly muddy water 
here, when I shall ask her to " fly," and I've no doubt she'll be " fly " 
enough, at all events, to say " Tes." 

Thine, dear Bobbbt, going on "Trimmingly," 

Alot. Flashingtob. 

F.S. — I open this to tell you my luck. Sweet Innocence consents, and 
we're off by the first train in the morning, to be made Mr. and Mrs. F. 

8.— Prom Mr, Thomas Tbimmikqs to a Tbustt Fbibbi>. 
2^, Marine Villas, Mudborough-on-Sea, 

Tuesday, June 20th. 
Dbab Bobibsob,— It's all U.F. I am a beggto. I received intelligence 
this morning of Bbowb & Go.'s failure. The only thing now for me to do 
is^to go through tiie €k>nrt. Heigbho I And 'twas only a few days ago 
my poor Bblxbda was asking if she couldn't be "Fresented at Court." 
How g^ad am I, however, to be able to tell you that dear Bblibda is 
well provided for. The dear child went away yesterday, leaving a note 
behind to say die had gone to Town to be married to our First-floor lodger 
here, a real young swell, and flo error. Thank Gk)odness for this blessmg, 
and the dear girl won't com^ to the workhouse, which is the only refuge 
now for Your Unhappy Friend, T. T. 

L—From Johb Smith, £aq., to *^the Chief" of H,M, Pomcdfox and 
Paperweight department, Somerset House, 

Pier Hotel, Mudborough-on-Sea, June 20th. 
Dbab Jobbs,— That young scamp Flashibotob is down here disguised, 
I was in a bathing-machine this morning, and saw him, from inside mine, 
walk coolly down the steps of his, take off a wig, whiskers, ko,, pitch 
them back into his machine, and say, with a ]au§£, "If only old Stick- 
in-the-mnd eould see me ! Ha, ha ! " He evidently referred to you, 
JoBBS. He's no more sick than I am. It is really too bad, and you 
must have him discharged from the Department 

In haste, your^, &c., J. S. 



TEE MAIDEN'S OFFER, 1876. 

Wb were strolling along in the moonlight, 

My cousin Katbiba and I, 
Her hand on my arm sofUy rested. 

And she — yes, Pm sure 'twas a sigh I 

I thought to be sure it was coming. 
And her offer I waited to hear; 

But, instead, heard a sound as of matches, 
Aad a luminous globe saw appear. 

While a voice of angelical sweetness 
Whisper'd low to my listening ear : 
* Dear Kabl, may I ask your acceptance"— 
(I thought this is bringing it near)— 

' Of this match for your fragrant Havannah, 
I dote on the scent, as you know. 
And I guess you are longing to smoke it. 
So light up at once ere you go." 

Thui^ my dream of a match with Ejltbiba 

Has mthlessly melted away. 
And the tale of her prosaic offer 

Brings with it the end of my lay. 



A CARD. 



To Sir W. Lawsob, the Nobility, Gentry, Public-house Pro- 
prietors' (with SlcUes), and all others whom it may concern. 

ALLY SLOPER 

Has taken the Pledge, Full Particulars next Weel. 



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ENCORE OES BETiSES. 



Summer again ! All tha Chimney Pots at it. 



A Splendid Idea for a New Tax ! All 
Ladiea under Thirty to regiftter the fact. 
Tremendous rush of Spini^ers, certain ! 



We are tlireateaed with a return of 
the Crinoline Monster. 



Dear Ladiee, instead of holding your Dreaaes on all 
anyhow, why not try sometnmg of this kind T 



If Crinoline does oome In ^ftlD» 
wonuui will recover her Propeir Sjpaoe 
inthewofld. 



Have you notleed the way some Women hold up their Dreases ? These are Studies from Life. 



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Jtiira2l, 1876.] JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEEIO^QMIC JOTJENAL. 101 

THEQREAT PICTURE ROBBERY. 



BMnaaoKQ soddeslj from liie Eaat, A. Slopkb was ooncdderabl^ 
astonished and aknned to find that the celebrated picture which 
has 80 long spread j^y aicnnd the window of 73, was missing. 
The news came qn A. Slopkr 
with a shock, and had he not 
immediately raised t&e price 
of a little something wann 
from the head caskfer, and 
di^ihed ^nt and got it^ he £alt 
as thongb he inn4t hare 
fallen. Sijopkr is. compara- 
tively an elderly man, and 
not as strong as he nsed to 
be, at times. 

When he returned to the 
office he was much affected 
the apjpeaiance of the 



has &llen upon the office boy. The office boy has been, mii^d. 
He was seen round the comer with that MloWtMosss. Further 
oomment^ if made, must necessarily be hbellons.] 





ce boy^^who seemed to 
feel the load which the world 
of art has unstained with 
great aontaness, whilst the 
depnty- assistant sub-editor 
noke of the affiur more in 
the ligbt of a national ca- 
konity than othervrise, and 
was, on the whole, more 
oheerM than might have 
been expected. 

The back shop was, of 
course, fall of . detectives, 
who were taking voluminous 
notes in pockelrbooks they 
had provided themselves with 
for that ^lurpose. After they 
liad taken tiie notes' they, as 
a rule, went round the comei;. 
sflM took something else^ ao- 
oempanied by A. Slopbr. , 

M(Banwhile other detectives 
might have been fi>und, in 
twos and threes, on eitifer, 
side of Fleet; Street, sMmj 
dimisedin pasteboard noses 
and cooked hats and feathers, 
so as to avoid recognition and 
pass unobserved. They aJso m 
occasionally varied the mo- 
notony rouipd the comer, accompanied by A. Slopbb. 

Everybody acknowledges A. SlopxbV promptitude and courtei^ 
in accompanying them, and the prei^alent opinion is that, if 
anything, he rather overdoes it. Up to the present time nothing 
tending in the remotest way to dear up [the mystery has been 
discovered, but everybody ^eels very satisfied with every one 
else, and a testiQioniai is talked of; the only difficulty, at present 
being that of fixing on any one particular person who ought to 
have it. 

A. Slopsb ha6, in place of a better, unhesitatingly proposed 
A. Slopjeb. As yet ihe suggestion has not been adopted. 

A. Slopeb. 
FIRST EDITION, 2 p.m. 
Extraordinary excitement prevails within the office. Suspicion 




SECOND EDITION, 

2.^6 P.M. 

The ?!v^r f^oujag and 
Lovely, aifto a spirited chas^, 
has reoo(vejce4fntiie missiog 
office boy byrtiie>«iape of the 



h«l*OW.CMIITO VI owiti 



New Book. ** There and 
Back," One Shilling (post free, One Shilling and Twopence-half- 
penny, nett). It wm not, A. Slopbb trusts, be out of place if he 
here casually mentions that this book is a marvel of cheapness, 
and a never-ceasing fund of amusement for everybody every- 
where. A. Slopbb, who has casually annexed a few ooptes, has 
been greativ amused by the varied contents; indeed, he would but 
too gladly dwell upon this thame for the space of another column 
or two, did the Ever Young and Lovely pay him the usuid price 
for so doing. A. Slopbb cannot say fedrer. It is, however, to be 
regretted that the great picture robbery has excited so littie 
attention ampng the general public The first thi;Dg Slopes 
said was, " Let*s bring it out again. Nobody's taking a bit of 
notice.^ Slopbb, 

The otdf MoralUt to he relied upon. 



The Season Why. 
** Shttbk, and I know how tiiem rsihray aoddeats biq^psn, 
Biddy," said Pat Flannioait, after reading the report of one in a 
newmper the other day. " Didn't the guard si^ that whe^ he 
heard the engine whistie he put on his brakes ? And shure^ 
Biid>T, why i^ould he be pntting-tiiem on at all, if he just then 
hadn't been asleep and getting out of bed?** 



Awftil Instance ef Arroganee of Urth. 

Mr. Alxxandeb Potteb CobSPHOUii, a Scotch ffsntieman, 

announcing the birth of a daughter in a local journal, easuAy 

mentions that he is a lineal deso&idant of Bob BpT* It would 

appear as though ICi: ^^uyis^vN had been long anxious to 



vuk» this iflB^portant fitct public, and has now seized upon an 
opportunity. Tl^ world, however, will be glad it is no worse. 
It is possible, if dbabtlul, that there ihight be people alive not 
particularly proud of being related to Ros Hot. 

THE BOOK OF THE SEASON. 

Now Bfltdy, deny 8vo, ffliiitnled wrapper In ooloon, poet free. If. 23<e. 

There and Back, One Shilling. Being 

'* Just's" Seuide sad Holiday Book, oolitsiafaig aone hnndrede of 
Comic FictoreB, with New and Oiiginal Stories, EaeajB, and Verses, 
byOiaM.&fosa 
To be had oitflBcifksellen and newsagents; at all Bailway Bookatalls ; 
' Jtot " Offioe, 78, Floet Street^ B.a 



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102 



JUDY, OB THE LOKDON SEEIO-COMIO JOUltNAL. [Jum 21, 1876. 



n THE 

Mr. Jaoob Bbmhs 

of wnfarihaiiBg ilit 
onl^ fmli tinineiit 
in mTowof the For- 



meainre wm finlde* 
Tued. In oppoBiuni 
to people liio zUB- 
cnle him and Ui 
irifliidf for pending 
their cheap Tirtiie of 
wiehing to doee p«h- 
Ue-honM^whiletli^ 
themeeifw haive oel- 
bun to whieh th^ 
oen at aajtbaere* 
■oet^theeleetolMMi. 
Chester aijU,th«l In 
the erent of the BiU 
being p awed, any 
woxhiag man that 
wanted rapper beer 
or dinner beermaj 
brew it for himself. 
This was kind of Mr. 
Bbight, bnt as his 
snggesUonwoidd en- 
tail upon the working 
man the incon- 
▼enienoe of having a ■ 
brewery in his bed- 
room or backkitehen, 
the Hoose of Oom- 
mons did not fall 
readily into it. Mr. 
BniOHT has probably 
heard of Qneen 
Maui AnronriTn, 
who, upon findbg 
the Farisians were 
oomplainiDg of want 
of bread, expressed 
her surprise, and 
▼entnred the sug- 
gestion thatthepopn- 
laoe, nnder snch oir- 
stanees, night regale 
themselyes on tarts 
and buns. 

The Banners and 
Roaettes that ap- 
peared in an their 
glory in Hyde Fsurk 
on WhH Monday to 
demonstrate in fa- 
vour of Prohibition 
are not so unselfish 
and chiTalrons as I 
snspeeted they were. 
Mr. Abtbitb Milui 
complained, in the 
conm of the debate 
that followed the 
tom-ont, that he 
had reeeiTed a great 
many letters from 
the snpportemof Sir 
WunuD Lawboh, urging him to rapport the hon. Baronet's mearare, bat 
he was sony to say many of them were not post-paid, and he asked the hon. 
member for Carlisle to advocate that less money should be spent in bands 
andbannen, and a oertun anm applied to the purchase of postage stamps. 



VIRTUE 

(NEW BIB1B8>. No. 13. 
^Ci«.Z.andXr9. 



8 NOT 

-FBIENDBHIP. 



CARDINAL. 

A TOUOHING EXAMTLB THEREOF. 



Cuttbg each other Dead in the Park, because one has been aaked to a Party to which 
the other has not 



with self-nspect^ hereafter allowing his name 
at the Whig institution^ 



Mr. Smfib, when 
I have consulted on 
the pointy is of the 
same opiniim. 

♦ • 

Mr. DuEAni has 
taken the trouble to 
contradict the state- 
ment that he had 
written to somebody 
in Berlin or Vienna^ 
to say something un- 
gentlemanly about 
the BxpiBOB or 
BusBiA. • Nobody in 
BnglandbelieTedthe 
right hon. gentleman 
had written the let- 
ter complained o^ 
any more than ha 
beliered that Tti^ 
Qraoiovs Mi/Kvr 
had^aswasreported, 
written to oond<^ 
with the wires of the 
late ex-SiTLTAH, or 
that the Cabinet now 
in office were desir- 
ous of girin^ Heli- 
goland to the Qer- 
mans. Duoks fly 
about at this time 
of year, bnt it is 
hardly worth while 
to waste powder and 
shot in bringing 
them to the ground. 

♦ • 

There is, it ap- 
pears, a PoHttcal 
Committee at ^ 
Reform Club, with 
an assistant secre- 
tary j>}*o. tern., whose 
du^ is to be imper- 
tinent and insolent 
to those members of 
the Club who shoold 
happen to giro a 
Yote in the House of 
Commons of which 
they disapprove. Sir 

GnORQB BOWTKB, 

who had recinyed a 
letter from the 
clique, treated the 
communication with 
disdain ; but Ui, 
BiPLiT, haring tm- 
warded a copy to the 
TiiMt of a note the 
Bub-oommittee sent 
him, a little debate 
ensued, which 
broogfat an apology 
from the aaristant 
secretary pro, lem. 
It should also haTO 
the effect of prevent* 
ing any gentleman, 
to be put up for deotion 



" The Gouty Contributor ** next week. Letter arrived too late. 



PUBEISOliUBLfill 
I ! I REFRESHING 



CADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



^ff Ooeoa 

tJkictmi te 

KMMil 'with 



^ottHHEATj^: 



6^^^^ 



OBU€ifIENiB 






nmNa up wb 



TH^S FENS 
Will suit ere 
and can be obtained 

«d. h. Is. Boxes at 
all Qtatfoaera*, or \ff 
post for 7 or 13 stamps 
from the 

HAKUTACTORKa, 
BlBKIKOHAK. 



PablUiedb7theFkoprletor,at7l,neelltreet»E.O. FHttked Ir Wosmtall l| KiVM^ MOfecd Laoib ttnmd, W.G.--Wa 



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Jw«28. I876u] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEBIOXiOMIO JOTJKNAL. 



108 



ACADEMICAL. 



1. Portrail of Two Unfoitonate Aitista 
ooklDg at Hr. Cope's picture. " Select- 
' i: Pictures for the Boynl Academy £x- 



ingPictu 
: bftition.' 



2. A Young Couple (of an 
artistic tiun of mind) on 
their way to the Kzhibitian. 



S. '* What's the name of that picture, 
young man ?" " I don't know/^ •* Oh, 
Indeed; what a fanny title ! ** 



4. Portcait of a Toqng Lady not 
mentioned in the oatiklpgue. 



S. " BeaUv^ air, I muftnt allow you 
to pass with those sticks." 



6. ** Haw I would you kindly step 
aside while I look at that picture Y* 



7. A Short-sighted Critic. 



8. Exhausted, tQvxan has looked 
at aU the picktm. 



WICKEDNESS AT WUEZEL FAE^. 

A Story of " Tlie Longest Day.** 

COD gradous f At my time 

of lifft, too, not to hare 
known better! When I 
went down to stopi wikh the 
WuBziu in Warwickahire, 
last, summer, I took my 
solemn davy, ''Never no 
mere!** HoweTer, here I 
am, actually and positirely, 
''at it again,*' with these 
yery identical Wurzsls. 

Now I don't want to say 
anytUng rnde abont the 
YffSBmis, Far be it from 
me. Takiog the Wvbzkls 
individoally Imd collectively, 
I am bonnd to acknowledge 
tkem to be qnite a snrpris- 
ingly amiable family ; and 
yet, at this precise moment^ 
am I possessed with senti- 
I ments of a moet ranooroos 
nature towards the W.'s. 

It was this time last year 
when they inveigled me 
down to tiieir place — thi$ 
place, yon know, in War- 
wickshire — for a week. Well, 
the very first day I got then— here, yon see— they killed a Pig I Well, 
I was kept on that Pig for nearly the entire week : Pig in rariens shapes 



all day ; Pig for breakfast. Pig for lancheon, Pig for dinner. Well, 
tketfvt tervtd me the »ame trick tkU time / 
After this, don't wonder if I grunt * * * 

It is Fonr o'clock, if yon please, on this eventful morning of Wednesday, 
the 21st of June, Anno Jhmini Eighteen Hundred and Seventv-siz. 
I am in bed, but not asleep. Au conttxnre, very much so. I am broad 
awiUce, as broad awake as ever I was. I only got down to the Wubzils 
the day before yeetorday, but» as the Wu&zkls ain't listening, I don*t 
mind telling yon that rve had qnite enough of the Wubzsls -qnite 
enough, thank yon. It was, really, to escape the Wubzbls that I sought 
my pillow last night at the astonishing hour of Ten p.m. The dock has 
just struck Pour, and I don't believe I've had forty winks during the 
whole of those half-dozen hours. Certainly not forty right off, one after 
t'other. In the first place, I have good reasons for knowing that the 
particular part of Pig which I was fed with at supper was of even a more 
parttcolarly porky nature than other parts of Pig I have hitherto encoun- 
tered ; for the way this particular part of Pig keeps turning up at certain 
awful intervals when least expected, and when any other well-behaved 
Pig would have paid his debt to Nature ever so long ago^ is, to ine, evi- 
dence perfectly conclusive, and^ if anything, but too satisfactory. And 
when Bg moderated his transports a little, and began to behave a trifle 
more reasonably, then did the nsnal hideous uproar of the "quiet 
country*' make a good start, and is now profressing qnite to its own 
satisfaction. It is, I assure yon. 

I don't suppose I am more of a iFindiotive kind of fellow than other 
fellows (as fellows go), bnl if that oonfonaded beast of a Mrs. Starling 
would but only come within reach of the poker, instead of making her 

never-for-one-single-moment-ceasing squawking at a 4isereet distance ! 

And again, I have reason to believe that a nightingale is an extra sweet- 
voiced sort of fellow ; but his sweetness, when it's in a laurel-bush a few 
yards from another fellow's open window, and keeps the pot a-boiling for 
a space of two mortal hours, has a.tondenoy towards making the other 
fellow sour. At least, speaking for the other fellow, / think so. Perhaps 
I'm wrong, though ? 



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Jtrbt, OE THE L(?NDON SEEIO-COMIC JOITBNAL. [Jra. 28, 1876. 



' I don't ikink I can be quite HTcmg^ however, about t)iat dindbatfyt, Ait ^ 
peealurly ear-piereisg-Toioed bantam cock, who so reiolutely refuses to do 
oBt-crowed bj the big old oochin chap, who, for a voice of extraordinary 
register in its low notes, and qnite preternatural hoaxaeness, beats any 
other old cock Fve ever met. I take this opportunity, alao, of observing 
that I am very partial to Pigeon^-on tpast, with water-cresses, and brown 
gravy, but I'lii^ not snflfthat I altogether appreciate him when groaning, 
d ia **T>9tA laid Wo^ed,*' all night on my window-sill. To say the 
least, it's silly of him. 

There he is, at it agsiA, More "dead and wounded" tiian ever I WhaVs 
to be done ? ffliall I get ont of bed for the doienth time, and send him 
off I I will. . • 

I get ont and advance in flnttering drapery to the open window^ 
"'S'sVs'sTif J3ooh/ GiiooT, nol" 

He, or She — I'm snre I don't know whether he's a lady or a gentleman— 
gases at me in wdnder with mUd round eyes ; coos interrogatively, as 
much as to say, ''"What ts the 
matter with yon!" and then 
flops off a few yarda. By the 
time, however, I am comfort- 
ably tucked up again, there he 
is, back on the sill, and groan- 
ing aWay harder than ever! 
This is awfuL But the awfiil- 
lest part of it aU is this— I've 
mislaid my plan of flight from 
these out>of -the-way iHlda. I 
can't find my Bradtha'w any- 
where, and ik€ WuRZiLB have 
me {U their mercy / 

• • « • 

I descend to the Wubzbl 
breakfast haggard, but resolute. 
BradtkcM, or no BroMaw, 
I'll find my way bade towards 
the peace anl quiet of (hay's 
Inn, W.C., this very evening ; 
another ** quiet conntiy " 
night would be the end of mcu 

On taking my seat at the 
breakfast board Wvbzil fh^ 
tay^ he*s *'glad to see me 
looking aa blooming," and Fm 
just on the point of saying that 
" that is only a blooadng 
error," when Wubzsl ai^ 
say% benevolently, she is '<so 
glad I slept to well," and then 
WvnuL pMe p^ taeklea me 
with quite a surprisbg flow of 
language relating to this oon- 
founded 21st day of June. 

Among other startling items 
of news the aged Wubzbl is 
good enough to give me is, That 
'<This is the Longest Day, 
which, p'raps, I wasn't aware 
of" (and I wu aware of it to 
such an awful extent 1) ; That 
**This very day thirty-nine 
years ago Her Oradous Ma- 
jesty was Ftodaimed Queen 
of," etc., etc. ; That, "At lO 
o'clock tills very morning the 
Moon was in conjunction with 



*;wA lo B^kiah atittioiui in the Mediterranean. This, we are 
told, ia simply a precautionary measure taken in the interests of 
It takes a good deal to keep the peace, in these days, yon 



peace. 



fiee^ and a precautionary " measure ' 
which takes a goo^ lot to fill it 



is one of those receptadea 



Proof PoairiTe.-— " If you want to hear news/' says the pro- 
verb, *' go away from, home." In this wa^,- probably* is to be 
ezplamed a statement made by a French M^ttat the Peinox 
OF Wales, General be CiiSKT, and the I>uo d'Aumale intend 
passing some da^^s towards the end of the present month at the 
bathing-place Dinard, and that several persons high in office will 
also go there. A conq^lete proof that this story is more canard 
than Dinard is shown in the fact that up to the time of 

going to press no invitation 
to join H.RH had been 
received by A. Slopxa, Esf . 



Literary Mbm. — It is not 
fair to say that persons who 
are fond of oysters are 
*' Lovers of Bhbllbt." 



Mercury;" and That it is, and ever will, be, his custom, on this, the 

Longest Day, to— 2:i^ a Pig I and thai he quite expecU lAe to ttop and 

eat it/ 

H Where, oh, where, is that Bradshaw f 1 f 



SHOBT MEMS. FOE SHOET MBMOBIES. 

• • 
Change of Namx.— It is rumoured that, as a tribute to the 
more than humble manner in which the ruler of Servia consents 
to plav fast or loose, according to orders from St Petersburg, the 
Czar has graciously expressea his wish that the country should 
change its name from Servia to Servilia. 

• 

Signs of Peace.— Five hundred tons of shot and shell, 
together with a stock of gunpowder to match, were sent ofif last 



Better La^tham Never. 
— ^By an oxd^ reoently ^o- 
mulgated,. drummers are 
henceforth abolished in the 
Austrian army, and their 
place Ss to be supplied by 
buglers. The last war in 
which the Austrians were 
engaged has doubtleis given 
them a wholesome dislike to 
anything whid^ is likely io 

be beaten. 

• 
• • 

From Constantinople. — 

All is not yet lost in regard 

to Turkey. It is rep<»ted 

that the Turkidi Crown 

Diamonds have beeii found, 

and the large stone known 

as "Ischoban Taacki," which 

had been missing for some 

years, discovered among the 

effects of the Sultana Va* 

Lin6. The SultanaValid^'s 

claims to the jewels have 

consequently been iorVA- 

Lini-ted. .- . 

* . 

An Expensive Nsi«b* 

BousHooD.— It is usual to 

regard the Western subuxfca 

of London as the most n^- 

pensive pairt of the Metea- 

' polis in which to take up 

one's reddenoe. This is a mistake. There is a district on Hie 

Northern side, which beats more aristocratic Weetendia out and 

out. In the partioular locality referred to, everything one hamio 

do with is Clapt-on. 



Piarleis Xargate. 
In oonsequenoe of the Jetty Extension Works, the Qeneral Steam Kiff^- 
tion Company objects to inear any risk with their vessels, and advertise 
to run on to Bamsgate. 

Thb Pier's the relio of an age k • 

As barbarous as petty, 
Bre Jarvis built his landing-stage— 

The celebrated Jetty ! 
The Eagle and the Hilda brought 

Their quota to it gaily ; 
But now they pass it by as nought, 

Though bound to Bamsgate daily ! 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO 



FOR THEIR MUTUI 

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OMIC JOUBNAL.— Jm 28, 1876. 



L D I S -ADVANTAGE; 



.'4 




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Juw 88, 18760 JTIDY, OE THE LONDON BJeEIO-COMlCr JOTJENAL. 



109t 



THE ART OF CURING. 



It was liHb Bob's old ehnm, Jack Sobzk- 
80V, who tfiid, "Take more exenuM^ Bob, 
o)d 



So HtUe Bob htffoi wiili 
Walking; and did not be 
juatwalkt 



Then Cricket Yon should 
haye seen him Cricketing 1 



Then Horse Ezerdae; which 
he was told Was indispensable. 



Then FoothalL 
if yon like. 



Foothall was a treat, 



Then he'pnt on the GloTes with 
Oonkey BnjAimi. 



Then ^e tried some other things, 
that hnrt him dieadfoll j. 



' He's oared now, and feels 
hetter for tt» and hopes other 
Inyalids will try his plan. 



THE GEILDBBN IK THB TEMPLE GARDENS, 

JvM, 1876. 
['' Thb Benohen of the Inner Temple haye again kindly opened their 
gardens on most eyenbgs in the week to the poor children of the densely 
populated neighbonrhoods ronnd abont Temple Bar. The Qardens are 
erery night crowded with yonngsters, who seem highly to appreciate the 
Benebenr flioiightfahieaB for the reoreatton of the ehildnn of the poor.**] 

" Them WM a Krand of zerelij 1^ aiglift"— 

A pleasant noise of Joyonanees and glee. 

For in the Temple Gardens was a sig^t 

Whioh might have pleased an andberile to^ see ; 

A throng of City children, folhr free 

To play, and ran, and shoot wnh Toiees shrill ; 

To gaze with glisf ning eyes on flower and tree ; 

Of air and snnahine to drink in their fill, 
And gambol on the spreading greensward at &ehr will. 

• What joyous cries ring oat npon the air 1 
What childish' laughter floats upon the breeze I 
What gleefhl, jocund, happy ones are there ! 
What oolic games are play d beneath the trees ! 
And these blithe little ones— so merry— these 
In stifling courts and alleys spend their days. 
Where fever larks, and foulness, and disease ; 
Where the pure air of heaven never plays, 

And no bright ray of summer sunshine ever strays. 

" There is a pleasare in the pathless woods ; 
There is an^ture on the londy shore; 
There is sodetf where none intrades 
By the deep sea,"-HM> one has said before ; 
But, O grave Benchers, skill'd in legal lore. 
When your old Qardens don Uieir g^irb ci green, 
As on the grass they tvmhle o'er and o'er 
These town*bred children find a zest more keen 

Than any one could find in solitade, I ween I 



O potent judges, ministers of state, 
Who grace with learning vast a noble name; 
O astnte lawyers, of experience great, 
Who well uphold your knff untarnish'd fame ; 
On men's hearts now you have another claim. 
In your old Gardens £>r an hour delay; 
Note how ydur kindnesa has not miss'd its aim ; 
Gaze on these City children at their play, 
AJa4 see how you have banish'd all their cares away 1 



A CHANCE FOE DIOGENES. 

A oo&BXSFONDZNT of the Daily Telegraph,ihe other day, wrote to 
say:— 

Abont a month ago a pretty, yonng, well-dresBed Frenchwoman called 
on my wife, stating tJiat her name was Madame Fhilifpb, and that 
Lady had sent her to onr honse. Her story was this: Her hus- 
band is an inyalid, who came orer during the Commnne time tnm Paris. 
Her oblect was to sell French handkerchiefs to obtain sufficient money to 
enable her to return to FarSs to set up a shop there. She mentioned a 
lumber of ladies of rank n^ had, out of charity, helped her. This 
yeuDg lady, we have found out, is an impostor. She is stlU in London — 
although die said she' was leatlng town for Fsris on the evening oi the 
day she &TOured us with a visit— and no, doubt meeting with success. 
Testeiday she was seen ia a hansom, going her rounds moat likely, in 
Belgraria. Unluckily, she was not taken into custody, but I trust this- 
notice of her may cut short her commercial career. 

We do not quite see how the fact of the youn^ lady riding in a 
hansom proves tiuit she was seeking customers m Belgravia, nor 
are we quite clear on what charge she was to be given into 
custody. Far be it from Judy's wish to defend frickedly-inolined 
young French ladks, but, xeallj, did she do much more than any 
respectable London tradesman? If every resnectable London 
tradesman is to be given in charge because he teDs a lie or 
two, where are we? We shall have to rebuild all the polioe 



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JUDY, OR THE LONDON SBRIO-OOMIO JOURNAL. [JmiE 28, X8t«. 



NURSERY MORALS. No. S.-Seantles and Beasts. 



It makes me sad to think what a deal of good these moral obser- 
Tations might do if they were only taken the right way^taken 
to heart that is, and not set down as mere badinage by a so- 
mnch*a*line joker. How unjust tius is ! 

I wonld this week, did I not know how wildly Quixotic a 
tQting match it wonld be, utterly annihilate all the most Cunons 
heroines of nnrsery lore,— I would show what selfish minxes 
they were, and how nnworfliy of the sopport of rifi^t-minded 
persons. I would take, for instance, the sotyject of tile present 
illustration, the Beauty, as her biographers please to call her, 
who manied the Beast, who bullied the old frfher, who stole the 
rose out of the garden, attached to the house that Jack built— 
Jack, or somebody, it doesn't materially signify just now. 

Now» here we have a doting old dotard who is starting on a 
journey asking his danghters what they would like him to faring 
them back as presents. The elder girls^ (plain) very naturally 
choose Telyets and satins, a few colstly gems, and the hke, feeling 
it their duty as plain ffirls to use eyery effort to get themselves 
off the eld msn's hands (he was in impoyeriahed circumstances) 
as quickly as possible. 

Obserre, howerer, the conduct of the third girl (the Beauty, if 
Tou like that better). What does she say ? The artful hussy is 
her father's pet, and she knows it ; she is sure he will buy har 




bustness)," you must have something. I insist. Nay, I command. 

** Ain't Pa fimn^, when he tries to look dignified ! " chimes hi 
the other sweet gurls, and Pa tries to go on looking dignified 
under difficulties. 

'* Sisters," exclaims the Beauty in reproachful 'tones (she was, 
of course, always chaffing the old man herself), " how can you ?'* 

This regularfy settled ttie old man's business, you may he sure. 
He determined to buy her something &r more costly than tiie 
presents for her sisters. He was compelled to buy them some- 
thing — could not well get out of it ; but he would keep closely to 
the contract The yelvet should be cotton, and the jewellery tiie 
showiest aluminium, but she, his loved child, should have some- 



thing of some actual value. Grood old man ! He got half way 
to his journey's end when it occurred to him that, after all, it 
would come dieaper not to do more than the roae, and' fs she 
had fixed on a rose herself, she might just as well have her wish. 

He mBd& up his mind that it should be a tolera|>br good rose—, 
one properly wired, and all the leaves secure. He felt as though 
even as much as sixpence would not be a|i ffictravaganoe in such 
a case. He was not naturally a mean man. 

Whefi, however, he happened to find, himself in a permiakua 
Idnd of wi^ in another gentleman'a garden, and nobody looking, 
the idea of saving si:qMnoe aataral^ presented itself to him in a 
proper tradesmanlflce aapeot Vb thereupon nailed, lucked, 
nobbled, boned, filched, piigoed, or appropriated the best rose in 
the garden. If nobody badbeen looking* and somebody had not 
been hiding round a comer, at the 9Va^ time t^Jdn^ stock, the 
transaction "would Bot» on the wholes have bosn, strictly speak- 
ing, uncommeieial; but with the disantrtHis results arising from 
this little business you are, of eonnie, weli acquainted. 

The wretched father was sounced upon by the hidden Beast, 
and his life offered to him only on one condition — that he diould 
sacrifice his child. Need I say he readily consented? Who 
wouldn't? The father lived, and the Beast provided for him 
munificently, as well as for the rest of the family. 

This much of the story is well authenticated, but some of tiie 
rest I myself do not believe in a bit I boldly assert that it is 
not true the other girls objected to the Beast, when ihey heard 
how well off he was ; and I am positive certain sure the Beast 
always remained a Beast, and never changed at all into a hand- 
some Prince, as has been falsely stated. 

When you come to think of it, how nttariy olgeetaoBsUe you 
can make yourself with impunity, if you are on^ ridi enough ! 
Ah me I why am not I rich 1 Do you tiunk it is really any 
satidiaction to me to know that I am a universal favourite, in 
consequence of a brilliant wit, combined wiUi personal advan- 
tages for which I really am not zvsponsible ? Not a bit of it. 
I should like to be a wealthy ruffian and eal things out of season, 
dwell in marble halls, and enjoy other advaaiagea, smd you 
might all loathe and despise me as much as you lilrad. 



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Inn 28, 1876.] JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEBIOl^OMIO JOUBNAL. 



Ill 



A REMARKABL€ IKGiDENT IN THE LIFE OF A. 6L0PER. 



Thx ottier day A. Slofbb'b atttnltai was oonrteouBlj directed to 
aparagraph m a oontemponuy. A firiend of A. Slopeb's said, 
**Ijook here, old two o' gin, Imng that there ghastly cod's head 
and shonldtKa o* yonnt np 
ttis way, nd iae what* s in 
the paper. SpsD it oyer, 
oldpla 
in thai 
pUddio' 
aad lei 
yonrn] 
• The 
fonn o 
hore re 
young' 
name c 
tcomn^ 
4Slo] 
too mil 
lens, J 
ai^exagi 

t^ m 

deposed that he ftnmd Bo- 
WABD'iAtnt it qoarlerlo one 
^htihgalMckWiffl. **WX' 
nen told him to .moye on, 
1 mtoncftmiing 

1 It he hegan 

] I his fist, at 

1 ) nsing Tory 

I ' Agafaithe 

Lhimtomojre 

, jn came tp a 

pomp, whishhe also stnick. 
^Iphe dafttehmt, who said he 
was very Boiay' if he had 
done anytiiinff wrong/ was 
dned tea stiOHngs. 

A. Slofke will, ht trusts, 
be pardoned if he ssyii the 
worthy magistrate seems, if 
jiossibley to have been mther 
htfdte llian thebrkks Wat- 

tor fought against The 

question nauurally arises, moperian Triumph. 

I>id Mr. Waxsom do any 

camaffc except to his own knuckles, and if lie liked to peel them, 
why uiouldn^ he ? A man may not take his own life (m a hasty 
Idnd'of way), but one would have tJ^eught he could have kuoeked 
his bones about with impunity. And A. Slopxb hereby baeffl to 
Intimate to Mr. Watson, or any other parties similarly indlned, 
that A. Slopxb has on his back premises as hard an mm pump 
(with a nice rough, rusty surfiioe) as you could well desnre to 
have a go at, and for the small charge of fite shillings (half the 
fine) any one may. Also kicking, allowed (wittiottt boots), or 



butting. It is likewise permissible to hit Sloper's pump below 
the bdft, and no reasonable blow will be considered ml. 
But anoilier question here arises: Was it ascertained, for 



The PoIIoe at tt again. 



test, A. 3^pbr's assailant 
lay crushed beneath the vie- 
Subsequently a meddlesome 



tbr*s feet with its roots in the au^. 
policeman ran A. Slopxb in. 

But this incident, trifling and' commonplace as it would 
appear, has decided A. Stopxx. If a respectable and harmless 
citizen can't walk about of a night without running the risk of 
outrage, something ought to be done. A. Slopbs lias done it. 
He has taken the pledgel 

Slopbr. 

Pledged Mardliit. 



BOiro. 

Whbn Woman's used up every folly. 
And finds life quite too awfully slow. 

What new devioe can make her jolly t 
What game shall she pronounce the " go " 

The very latest, best time-killer. 
Is surely Plimfeoh's^ soUer^skate ; 

Though often that turns out a Spillbb, 
And breaks her ankles, or her pate. 

THE BOOK OF THE SEASON. 



Demy 8vo, fllnrtntod wn^iper in ooloun bf^ Axm&4xiyB Cllxtoih, post free, 1«. 2ic2. 

There and Back, One 8kilUng. Being 

'^Jodt's" Seaside and Holiday Book, contidiiiBg iome hondreds of 
Comic Fictores, with New and Oiigiaal Stoiiea, Easajs, and Yenee, 
by Okabuu H. Ross. 4 

to be had «t all Booksellers ai^d Newsagents; at all Bailway Bo^^staQs; 
aiidaji"Jon¥'*Offioa,78»AsetStrMt,S.a I 



"Q« IN THE CORNER. 

By a xauority of two to one, the Hoase of Commons, that made 
it penal for medioal men to yiTiseot lats and rabbits, has nphurid 
the piivUege of naval o£&eers to lacerate the flesh of sailors with 
the lash. The First Lord of the Adauralty " exeeedin^y re- 
gretted " the retention of flogging in the Navy, but thought '' the 
time had not oome for its abolition." The oi^y argument vouch- 
safed during the debate in favour of flogging was sdvwaoed by 
Sir WnxuM Edmonstok, who once commanded a..briir. His 
men on one occasion refused to holystone the decks. Sir William 
went on deck, m^ laying his Terolvecnon the esfstan, dMribsted 
one bondved and sixty lashes amongstrfoor of tM men. " This.** 
he exclaimed, " had the desired effect." Who, after that, can deny 
that flogging is efficacious ? In the same way, when capital punish- 
ment was fashionable for stealing a sheep or forging a name, the 
man hanged seldom, if ever, manifested a disposiqon to repeat 
the oflEenoe. Who, then, can deny ttat hanging is efficacious 
against shesp-steaLing «r focgery ? 
I never oould see why our sailors should be liable to the lash 



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JUDY, OB THE LO]!nX>N SESIOCIOSnC JOURNAL; ' [Jort 28, «». 



OWE' T M I K pj a; N . T'H K T HXpi. 



TBM fftaVCH BAtBIBO BlAflOV. 

The B ar one M wants to know whtkfafr tbo.llMe . 
AUmulaQttfalnluitliewaTiManUkflljto oaBylMpr 
aiwaj. Ho tliinkt n«t. 



' A. BlOFER BTABTt HOI CLUB. 

H« may here bo obaerrad taking home a 
poctioii of the oomootibleo from which the 
ottabUahmoat detiToo ita name. 



"- BB LoNSoir Sbabok. 
Gupld boglna to think that he ought to see how 
tt^gs are. 



Thb Chuxp-Gbop Clitb. . 
One BrroHe Qtniui to another. 'Qj Jove, 8ir» well 
keep it to ouTselyea t We'll pill Edimbuboh t 



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JrLT 5, 1876.] JUDY, OB THE LONDON SERrO-COMIC JOURNAL. 



113 



XJ\7\jr X/A J.O 



JL UafLBOJ^ 



Told br ft Big's ttH. 

Tab Pboiooci. 
Who, I ihoald miioli like to know, was the Indnttrioos Qenios that first 
inrented Almsnioks t I should like to kaoir. For that person, I t^e 
Ik, will h*?e a great deal to aasver for. Perhaps he is " answering for 
it '* now» Mwiewhere and somehow. Serre him right. For my own part^ 
I onlj hope and tmst ha ia "answering for it * exoii^ I onljr hope and 
tmst they are glnag him his dose, ** hot and strong," bat not ** sweet.*' 

"Why this excitement t* yon inquire. Well, jnst look at me, now.' 

Take my case. Bot perhaps yon sboold first torn to your Almanack 

Ton hare it open at the month of July ? Qood. Now what, praT, see 
yon pat down among the **Bvwdajb ahd Rimibkabli Days " as going to 
some off en this day, to wit, Ifonday, the Srd of July t What sayeUi 
yonr Almanack ? Read it ont ! 

" Monday— -Third of July— Doo Days Bxoiir." 

Quite oorveet Now there, there, yon see, is my grierance. Bh f Yon 
don*t see. Well, I will explain anon, for ** thereby hangs my Tale.** 

Thi NAXRATrrx, oe Tail. 

I was bom^yes, Aat is a way most of ns hate, bat / was bom— nof of 
''poor bat honest parents." On the contrary, my papa and mamma 
were Anstoorats, swells of the Tery first water, scions of a noble honse^ 
and, I have ereiy reason to beUere, behaved as such. Thus did I come 
into the world with, so to speak, a diver spoon in my month, and stamped 
with a genuine hall-mark. 

Tes, I am speaking the trath. Bagged, wretohed-looking, bedraggled, 
and half ttarrad as I appear now, yet was I, " Once npon a Time," a much 
pampered, much fondled, greatly orerfed, and happy Uttle "King 

ChAEIiIS.'* 

" Once npon a Time!* Ah me, how many, oh, bow many of ns look 
haek with outstretched, beckoning hands., with salt tears in oir feded 
ejes, to that Qood fKme — ah, 4iow wistfally ! Bat it will not retnrn ; 



••TOO late r" 

Tea, yes. I have been wicked, ungrateful, erbel, foolish, and I must 
pay penalty for all the foar adjeotives. 

To return, however, to my— ahem t well, Narrative^ I was made a 
present of, at # very tenderlige, to the Lidy QtnDOhm na Yatasovb, 
a truly haughty Aristocrat, who conceived a great affeotien for me, whieh 
I duly returned. My Lidy would have been a very beautiful (in my 
eyw) person had it not been for her Noee, whioh^«nd it was her pride 
and glory— was a real genuine Dm Vavasovr Noss^ and, brought over at 
the Conquest by a Db Vatasovr male ancestor, ever since kept up its 
qharae^ pn ^vev Dn^yAWASOva, male and female, for im quHe remark* 
ably Boman nasal nature. There is no doubt that the early ancestor 
looked nice with it coming well through the bars of his helmet, and in 
that dress the Boman nature w^k really useful when he hsd a eoki in his 
head ; but / always thought it ont of place— ^ot, in bM, a good 
" Feature "—on a young and beauteous modem lady's lsoe« At allevents, 
I took quite an antipathy to it. In other lespeots I admiired and wan 
most devoted to my dear Mistseis. 

In those days I was a very innocent and unsopUsUeated little Dog; 
Brought up in a Ohruitiaa cirole, which kept iti oarriage and iie Family 
Pew, the Wicked World was to me a sealed book. : Perhaps, ai the sequel 
of evenie will show, it had been better for me te have " known a thing or 
two.- 

I now approach the crisis of my life. It was on this very day Utt 
year that my Mirtrem took me with her in the carriage to buy a fro;k in 
Begent Street. Tfid\ I well knew from experieaoe, meant half an hour at 
least. After somi twenty minates* waiting, I thought I would stretch 
my legs on the pavement, and got out to do so. 

My attention then wat at once drawn to a strange conple gasing into a 
shop window close by. This stranga ooaple consisted of a sallow, closely- 
shaved Man, with a face remarkable only for its intense gravity of ex- 
pression, and a Uige Pooile Dog, whose hinder parts ware as closely 
shaven as the Man's chin and cheeks. And this Poo He had tha moat 
preternatural ly soiema physlogaomy I ever 8%w in the whole coarse of my 
tife. It would be a moral impossibifity, yon at once concluded, for that 



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114 



JUDY, OB THE LQNDON SEBI(M?OMIO JOUBNAL. [Jolt 5. 1876. 



Poodle to be eTer gniltj of a practical joke, or to behave in any but the 
moit aedate of waji. 

Bat how wrong we are eometimea ! Little did I then dream that this 
folemn ooaple were the &mona Clown Flirsribo, and Us equally famous 
performing ** Comic Poodle, Jon "I 

The solemn Poodle, dog-like^, got into ccPTersation with me, and we 
became quite friendly. 

"By the way," he said Biluk, as he waa on the point of leaving, *< I 
pnnpcee yon don't happen to know what day this is t " 

1 admitted my ignorance fiushingly. 

He gazed upon me with a pi^yl^g smile. *' If yon erer looked at your 
Almanack,*' he said, '*yon wotld )tnow that this is the Day of Days in 
our existence. Tha, my yoid^jCntad, is the First Day of the Dog Days. 
' Bvery Dog,* the proterb n|a^ < has his Day.* Well, this U the Day.** 

" The day for what f " I idqniied, innocently. 

••For whatf" he i«- 

peated, scorofnlly. * * Why, 
to hare your regular annual 
lark on— to^o Mad and hUe 
people ofif of course !** 

'*Good gracious!" I said, 
'* you don't say ! Is it 
really the correct thing to 

do t" 

"Certainl/^^ he re- 
plied grar^. "In fact» it's 
expected dfoiC^I'm off now 
for my lark. (Tli, ta ! " 

At he disappeared round 
the comer hii tail gave a 
curioas morement^ Uie in- 
tensely comic significance of 
which I then, in my igno- 
rance, failed to disoipni. 

All the ivay home I pon- 
dered oriw ihis remarkable 
conversntioi^ It muat, I 
argued, be rigH because the 
Poodle was such a very grare, 
staid party. 

During the whole of that 
afternoon, erening; and 
night I brooded OTor The 
Thought, till my brain nearly 
gaTO way under the awful 
preasufi^ and I waa in a 
fair way of reaUy going 
Mad. 

Nest manang my Ifis- 
treaa gsfo ma my breakfast, 
as waa her wont, with her 
own aristocnttio hands, and 
then fondled mo in her lap 
preUminaiy to letting me 
take the hcnnebcuche of the 
maal, a krge lump of aogar, 
from her ou^ pretty mouth. 

In those* momenta The 
thought, which had ntrer 
left mo, eamo upon mo with 
imaistible power. In Tain 
did I straggle against It; 
in Taia did I toll myself 
how good— how kind my 
MistreaB had «?er ^been; 
how, oren, aft that T«ry mo^ 
m«nt she waa bestowing : ~. 

upon me the sweet proof of her affection Bui it waa of no avail, 

nio Thought wt§ tMere/ 

Andm>wa$aefamedJ)MYArAaomJ^im\ • ♦ ♦ ♦ 

A fiantie snsp-^aiid mj teeth met in the famous Oi^an 

A piercing shriek— violent ringings of bells— an universal Uproar, and 
rising above aU the avrful cry— ** If a<2 2>o^.'" ♦ ♦ • ♦ 

The much-prised Nose was irretrievably spoilt. Ify Miatresa— mine no 
more, alaa 1— was never known to imile afterwards. 

Hy life was spared, for I wss really no mere Mad than otben of Us 
who fall victim to your lybg Almanacks. Bat they had better have killed 
me, for what am 1 now f— An Alien, a Bfggar, an Ootcast, a very Pariah 
among Dogs t Confound yonr Ahnanacka I 

AKKWiiD Tbui BiADno.—" Britons never-never, never— shaH-^ 
be-ScIavcs.'* 

.UvLiii the beer of the firm with which he waa once connected, the 
Mr. Cbiuuxotox who has recently figured at one of the police courts, 
f^]^ obstructbg the highway at Milo Bad, may with charity be said to 
have lost his Sead. 



"A QOOD JUDGE TOO.*' 

Briiitk Workman. Will, avthow VKlON'^a^n Stbbhoth, dob't irt 
PaHif wih vaai Workkmm Experience, Will, I Dvinro ; I*Tx Tsnn 
AMi> I run* n jvn the BiTnua I 



THE ONLY JONES. 
(With the kind Penniasioii of all tho other Joneiei.) 
It would appear, by recent examples, that it is quite an erroneoua imprea- 
sion on the part of would-be dramatists that the managers want to lock 
their doors against them. Hitherto it has been the fissbion to represent 
the would-be dramatists as the principal victima in the matter, but this 
seems to me to be a mistake. I think the victims are the poor public. 
We have tolerably good plays spoilt by intolerably bad actbg, and intoler- 
ably bad plays with which good actors can do nothmg. The fault lies 
mostly at the door of the manager, who is conceited enough to think he 
knows what is good and what will do, when, if the truth must be told, all 
his past good luck has been due to a aeries of flakes. Meanwhile the 
public pays ita money and suffers much. 

It may be observed by the attentive reader that your own Ohlt Jons 
has not named any particu- 
lar author or manager. He 
hat no occasion to do so 
Tkey know. Besides, he is 
the kindest-hearted creature 
in theworid, and wouldn't 
harm a fly, more especially 
a fly with dramatic aspira- 
tions. 

A revival of the Cortican 
Brothertt at the Priooess's, 
seems like a step in the 
right direction. A number 
of plays first produced about 
the same period might draw 
money if well plaoed upon 
the stage. Tlie Coreiean 
Brolkert is a most interest- 
ing pieee, though the lan- 
gvage ia occasionally rather 
London Journally, Mr. 
CuLTTOV looks well and acta 
with power aa the twin 
brothers, and Mr. Biuna'a 
peifinmanco of Chiteau 
Banaudia creditable, bnt the 
partiea who tiy to do Or- 
lando and Colonna are ao 
wickedly ignorant of the 
comic buainees of the scene 
emplojod when the ohaiac- 
ters were acted by actors, 
that I feel sad when I 
think of them. However, I 
won't think of them any 
more. Althoagh I should 
have liked a little Umoli^t 
tamed on for the ghoat^ his 
stealthy glide ia perfect Ho 
is a treat, if you have not 
seen him before ; and aurely 
never since ofaurohyards first 
began yawning have per- 
turbed spirita had ouch 
sweetly thrilling mnsb to 
itocom|iaaT them. 

With mueh pleasmo I caU 
attention to the faot thai 
Misa G. Bmowin, an ami- 
aUo hidy, who presldea ovar 

the boi-offioe at tho Olym- 

pic, takes her benefit on 
Thursday next, the 6th bstant, but you mnst buy your tickets of IGsa 
Baowai herself at the box.oflice, as otherwiie she will derire no benefit 
from their sale. 

Mrs. HowiBD Paul is' about to take her farewell of the entertainment 
which has so long been aasodated with her name. She commencea her 
last appearancea in July on a summer tour, through Wales, Comirall, and 
Devon. 8he will be accompanied by Mr. Kutlavp BARlciaoTov and 
Miss Hilbh FKATHiasToas. Tmi Q. J. 

Th4 Book of ths Season.— Demy Svo, llluttrated Wrapper in 
Colours, by Adklaidk Claxtok, post free. Is. 2\d. " THERE 
AND BACK," One Shilling. Being ** Judy's" Seaside and 

'^Bt>Hday Book, containing some hundreds of Comio Picturesp 
with New and Original Stories, Essays^ and Verses, by Charlu 
H. Ross. To be had of all BookselUrs and Newsagents ; at 
aU Railway Bookstalls; and at **Judt" Offim, 7«, Fle^ 
Street, E.C, 



R 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEK 



I 



^^^ 

" y 



THE ONE-HUNDRE 

John BuU. NOW, JONATHAN, IT 18 TIIAE FOR US TO GIVE UP TBIS ABSURD MASQUERADE, IFH 



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OMIC JOUBNAL.— JuLT 5, :876. 



B T H 4th O F J U L Y. 

H MISBECOMES US BOTH. HENCEFORTH, LET US DRESS LIKE TWO FRIENDS.— iSftf "Q."';'. HO. 



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juxT 5, 1876.] JUDY, QB THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIO JOURNAL. 



119 



SHOBT MEMS. lOB SHCBI MEMOBIES. 



UBMARINE MEM.— 
It is annoimced that a 
party of French eDffi- 
neen haye really quit- 
ted Boulogne for tiie 
purpose of taking 
soundings in Eogliah 
waters, in furtherauce 
of the plan of the pro- 
posed Channel Tunnel. 
Whether these gentle- 
men will settle once and 
for all the question as 
to the practicability of 
the proposed submarine 
way, may be doubtful ; 
but if they carry out 
, their instrucfiona, they 

I will get to the bottom 

of it this time, anyhow. 
• 

Women's RienTS 
Again. — A meeting 
which is described a« 
" of a semi-private cha- 
. ... „. .„, _ . . . racter," has been held 

for the purpose of dlaoossing the legal and social oondition of 
women. The chair was taken by Dr. Rab, the Arctic traveller, 
and Mrs. Fawoitt and Miss Ltdia Bsokkb were the chief 
speakers. The utterances of these well-known ladies at this 
semi-private meeting were not» however, conveyed to the audience 
in ''semi "-tones; nor did tiiey advocate anything like half- 
measures. Decidedly the eontruy. 

Av IuFBOVKMiKT OH ExFBBSs TRAINS.— Dynamite is being 
used to uproot a number of fine old trees on the Duja or 
HAlIILXos^l estate, aad the process is remarkably expeditious. 
They put a little bit of the ituff» about aa big as a walnut, in a 
hole aft the foot of the trunk, and ia one instant after it explodes 
the tree is in the next eountv, roots and alL A man who wanted 
to go anywhere quickly could not employ anything more likely 
to cany out his wishes. •^ 

Moan Ofprxssiom.— The curious discovenr, we are told, is 
announced by Professor P. B. Wnaov, of Washington Univer- 
sity, Baltimore, that minutely pulverised sDioa is taken up in a 
free state by plants from the soiL It is « gres* oomfort to know 
this ; although it has alwaya been supposed that to take anybody 
up in a free state was against the constitatioiiof the United States. 

Iresident Gbant must see to this. 

• 
• • 

A Chamox joa SoimonT.— At a recent meetbg of the 
Edinburgh Priada Board, Captain CnaisTix, the Governor of 
the Calton Jail, was instructed to dispose of the treadmills in his 



custody on the ground that they weyc^ of no further service. Any 
gentleman, therefore, who would like to amuse himself daring 
his leisure hours with a pretty little toy of this kind, will know 
where to apply. • 

• • 

Another Botal Author. — ^The example of the Shah ov Pbrsia 
in publishing an account ef his travels has found another imi- 
tator. The Sultan of Zanzibar is about to publish the diary 
of his journey to Europe. The work is to be translated into 
English, and as a compliment to the distinguished author, will, 
of coarse, be printed in " black letter.'* 

Wabtx or Tboublx.— It is asserted that, on account of his 
German name, the owner of Kisber, the winner of the Derby, to 
prevent the possibility of any unpleasant demonstrations in 
France, has deemed it prudent to appeal to the Paris press for 
full publicity for the fact that he and [his noble animal are 

Horse-trians. • 

• • 

Rathxb too Pxaotioular. — Refusing to eat green peas because 
they were grown on a Sunday. 

• • 

An Off Time.— A hungiy person went into a dining estab- 
lishment a few days since, and asked the waiter what he could 
have for dinner. " Well, sir," said Jahxs, •• it's rather awkward 
just now, you see, because everything is off." — ** Ah," said oar 
hungry friend, " ah." (Pause.) " Then so am I." 

ABTFULNXSB.~It hfts just truispired that Philadelphia has a 
surplus of 20,000 females over males in its population. A great 
many people have wondered why this city was fixed upon for the 
Centennial Exhibition. Perhaps they will leave off wondering 
after this. • 

A Wat out or ths Irish Diffioultt.— Captain Wbbb has 
announced that in August next he will attempt to swim from the 
North of Scotland to Ireland, under the same conditions as he 
crossed the Channel. If the gallant swimmer could manage, while 
he is about it, to go on across the Atlantic, and carry the Emerald 
Isle with him, it would relieve English politicians of a ffreat 
many difficulties. But we should like to stipulate that Wrbb 
comes back again. He could not be spared, even to silenoe the 
Home Rulers. 



"Q^' IN THE CORNER. 

Ybstxrdat the Americans ciJefarated the centenary of thefr 
Dedaratioa of Independence in 1776 with a more elaborate 
expression of rejokdng than on any prefieus 4th of July. I 
supnose there was less high-floating talk indulged in than for- 
merly. A nation, like an individual, as it gets out of its teens, 
puts on a more manly air, and ws aie all proud to find the 
citizens of the United States are disposed to give up the airs 
that distinguished their nonage. We no longer look on them as 
a population of rowdies, and Siey no longer regard us as a nation 
of fogies. The moral of the Cartoon by our artist is apparent 
Why should Joqm Bull any longer boast his Norman descent, 
and JoMATHAK his Bsvolutionary birth ? Is it not time, now that 
I Jonathan is of age, that he should join the old firm ? Q. 



ST RAN Q EI 



Last jrear Wiffuh was oa Bamagate When he aeeideiitally hit this 
8ands» tlirawiBg pebbles ;-^ jovag lady in the eye with eae ;• 



|__ And, ef oourM, apdogiMd. 



Tbis year they are BMiried. ^ 



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FRENCH SENTIMENT ADAPTED TO ENGLISH TASTE. 
*Z€f JkadeKrf* is 9M to &e a OrtaJt Sncem attkeSt. /omit't, and mme hind OenUemem it ^loimg to adapt Ufor uf. Jv»r rtipectfuUg 

offen a Fern Suffgettiont, 



6. B«i|i|iQff of the hithflrto U nboncUbto : *' €k> and mi drowned, or bang 0. Happf Thought of Johh Taoius :— "ni>e a parson, and that aooordlng to • 

yourMff/ahi I^Te your wldo4r to my poor boy ! ** "I can vef^iae you no- the law of the eountry» la better than a diToroe.** " TIa Well t ** QeneMf Joj t 
thing; Ma'aa^^aaldJoEK Thomas. ''WhatTs the next article?" CaU the Jaokln-the- Box Chaplain f • • • • Blaelfire! On«TA»! 



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Jmr 6, 1876.] JUDY, OB THS LONDON SlSBlOSQiaO JOUBNAL. 



Ul 



ROMEO AND 

BomTHiKo rathtf nnpleMant hu o^eoired aft Mo. 78»l 

Hm BabBoriben to the Om and Only Rea% €o«o JonnuJ 
hcve ealled upon Slopkr lor a« ezplanation of the following 
adTertieement whieh xeoen^y append in the Times : — 

JULIET.-^TeU Slofu^ wite. Sdek to me» ud all i«U be well 
Am bsttor.— BoMBO. 

WilUng aa he is at fdl timea to explain anTthing, A. Sl^pkb 
lemtB fliat he flheiU'on ttiia oeoaahm haye Wii called npon. 
There are easeay 
where ladies i^eon- 
cemed»jBLiddeii eoAie ^ 
amount of delioaof ia 
reqnidte. It doean't 
mmer about Bombo,' , 
•bat Joi^pMft fitill, in 
Bpito of ttie neartMBB-' 
neeaoftob^hntioib^ ^ 
towards A. Slofxb, 
the object of his 
adoration and the 
light of his ejes. 

"Foot thoiufh we 
nart in angniui now, 
JumTand A. SLona 
my be happy yet- 
(Foetvif). 

The lltots of tiie 
ease are simplv these. 
A parly (male) by the 
name ii Romxo (it's 
really Jouss, bnt A. 

8L0FB& doesn't m^ it aa any alnr on the Toung man's oharaoter) 
recently entmsted A Slopxb with a secret oi! importance relaftiye 
to the atato of hia feelings with regard to Juun (she% piwpwly 
Bbuna Matilda, and the earth she walks upon ia worshipped by 
A. Slopeb).' «**«« - J 

A. &LOPX& listened to a long and monolonooa story from his 

Snnff friend Koicio, whidi, naielieTed by a lew Twoa, might 
¥0 beoome mere tlito flaah 
and blood eoald beoR With 
a few Twos, howeyer, A. 
Slopbr stood it (t^e stoiy, 
not the Twob), and gaye toe 
word of sympathy in ex- 
change. 

At a late honr A. Slofsr 
propped his young friend np. 
Bcyeral times against his 
own Btreet-door, from whidi 
he fell forward again, doing 
damage to A. Slofbb's hat. 
A SioFEBthen rang the bell, 
and the landlady, lookmg 
ont of the window, said. "It's 
yon, is it, yon old yagabond ^ 
111 call the perlice to yon, 
if yon don't step it pretty 
Bharp." 

" &adam," repUed A. Slo- 
pbb, ** in the dun obscnrity 
yea donbtless mistake this 
manly form for the mis* 
shapen nonentity yon were 
weucenoQghto get married 
to. In that case yonr snppositron is erroneons." 

Said she, ** If yon ainH off in half a giffjr, yonll get the water- 

* * * * ^t * a 

At the street comer A. Slofbb was joined by the yonng man 
who had had the watering by misaayentare, but it seemed to 
haye done him good. He was calmer Utaai when A. Slopbb 
left him, and rubbed Uie back of hiB head, and said it waa a hard 
world. Subsequent inquiries tended to show tiiat the handle had 
come off. 
*' %x>PBB," said tiie young man, " Tm not worthy of her." 



J U L I c Tl Rom a Sloperian Point of View.) 



''No more you ain't," replied Slopxb. "But why stand on 
trifles ? Hold on to somethmg, can't yon? ** 

"Slopxb," continued the young man, " I cannot tell Biylore; 
I hayen't the nerye." 



"Then let coneealmettfc feast upon the damask rose, young 
faller," said A.13l6pbb. ** Steady yonnelf up against that lami 
pdst^ and don't be a hass.^ 



Steady yonnelf up against that i 
isDcanass." 
Blopbb,*' the young man still continued, " you are my onl^ 



with a jerky and went backwards. 

**♦♦♦♦♦ 

Next day A. Slofbe took a few morning draughts and aought 
JuLiKT at the paternal residence. The Paternal waq, fortunately 
for A. Slopbb, absent from home, and Julibt did the honoipiB. 
She did them liberaliy. She offered A. Slopbb two chairs, and 
gaye him two hands to shake, and smiled at him wiUi two heads, t 

saying. "I hope you're quitft 
well ? ' 

'* I'm duin' nicely," replied i 
A. Slopbb, *' and hope you're . 
both on you doin' ditto." 

She said, "There's oalyi 
one of me, Mr. Slopbb— r 
what a £anny man you areJ ' • 

A. Slopeb rubb€4 hiseyes 
and collected himself. "Ijet'e. 
taUc of something else^" he . 
murmured. **I'U not take, 
anything, thank you." 

She said, " I didn't ask 
you, Mr. Slopes." 

" Come into the garden, 
Maud," said A, Slopbb, 
•* what I haye to relate is for 
your ear alone." There were 
people kept coming into the 
shop and bothering for 
pennyworths. 

Julibt then lef( a younger 
sister in charge, afidstroUed 

Cruelty to Blopdu ^^*^-^- Slopbb among tke 

yerdure beyond. After a 
while, A. Slopbb, haying tripp^ oyer a summer cabbage, SMt down 
and began the negotiatto^ Be asked Julibt whether her heart 
was free, and her affections disengaged, and whether there was any 
truth in the report that her ^jttiier was going to make himself bank- 
rupt to obtain protection agBinst his creditors. She answered with 
charming artlessness, and smiled upon A Slopbb with infinHe 
sweetness, and A. Slopbb kissed the dear girl's hand in a spon- 
taneous outburst of fatherly loye. He then took a little whisl^- 
and water, and bade her ferewelL 

This ia aU. Neyerthelefls, it would appear that reports haye 
been cironlated to the effect that A. Slopbb has betrayed the 



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I3f 






[J%bt 5,,1876^ . 



wio in vMtd to tkt WtM PvHnm, 



Bread wifh a fformand Cdri,' 



trosk xepoeed in him by his yonng IHend. This is false. If 
A* Slopie was not able, with the use of sach oratory as Nature 
has provided him with, to make it quite clear that he was speak- 
ioff OB behalf of his friend, and if the yoong lady's father has 
■Moeqpsitiy written one letter to A. Slopbb, aecepting A. Slopkb's 
offinr mr his daoghter's hand, and then another letter to say that 
he hears A. Slopbb is already nuunied (at least once), and that 
A. Slopbb is an old scoundrel, that is more A. Slopbts misfor- 
tone than his fisnlt 

P.8. — Since inserting ttie adrertisement A. Slopbb has been 

waylaid by Bombohbs — he means Jonbsbo— and violentlv 

eflsanlted with his own nmbrella. He now writes from his sick 

bed to say he feels mnch upset and looks for peace bat in the gra?e, 

Slopbb, Muguided Moralist (as per usual). 

NoTB bt Judt. — ^How about that pledge yon said you had 
taken, Mr. Slopbb? This kind of fSrgetfolness on your part 
spoils you with your best friends. As the office boy hss just 
seen yon round the comer in Grown Court, by the side of 
Mr. Wbinoor*s shop, she doesn't intend you to forsstall your 
pittance this week to purchase the expensiTe medidne ordered 
by your doctor* 

kSM-OUklR AHB lUPPXBS. 
Webb Mr. Ashbt Stbrbt's fimle pen quitted the Golamnt of the Sunday 
fVeiei, the proprieton must hare ezperienced connderable difficolfcj in 
ehUiiAag tiM ierrieet of another ** Rambler.*' That they were lacoestfal 
i% howefer, eoffioienily well prored by the eontenta of a charming little 
»eC BHsya caUed « WUdfiie," a book which yon mnat aend to the 
lor at once. Its author, Mr. Chablbs J. Dubphu, haa no 



need of an introdnotion from m^ ffii clefer oontribatiomi in prosi and 
Tene to cnnent literatare are well known, bat I hope he will aUow me 
here to thank him for many pUaaaoit honn spent rambUng with hia wifth- 
ont quitting ann-ehair, ilippen, or flredde. 

I will not permit the aathor of ** Readymoaey Mortiboy " to call any 
more of theb interaeting noreUi l^ snoh an nnintareittng name as '^Thia 
Son of Yulean," more particularly as '' This Son of Vulcan*' is a capital 
book, like, by the way, all the other books that are publidied by this 
mysterious Uterary firm. Put its ugly name down while you think of it| 
and send it on your next Uat to Smith's or IfuDti'a. Ton will be plossed. 

The Tulgar young man wlio, haTing studied Mr. Lxab's '*Book of Ita- 
sense," took and want and brou^ o«t a book whish he thought was evifta 
as good, aeted uaUndlj to himseU when be called his work « Bo^" 

My arm-chair ia the most cosy in the world, and quilted with Mask 
satin. My slippers are little pictures with high heels, aad now and then, 
on the Tery rarest oocasions, a momentary glimpse may be obtainable of 
blue silk stockings i»ith docks of extra artfulness. Tkere is at the pie- 
sent writing an ornament in the fire-stoTe^ as a lorty-eight hour summer 
seems to be going on outside ; but to-morrow or next day, no doubt, the 
fire will bum brighily again. I do not often go out, hot I had heard that 
there was just now on riew, at Messrs. Howbll ft Jabbs*8 Art.Pottery 
GMIeries, in Begant Street, a most interesting exhibition of paintbgs oa 
china pUtes for dessert seirioea, and I hare ^en to see them. Beautiful 
worlEs of art some of these really are, and sold at reasonable prices. Both 
amateur and professional artists hare contributed, and among the former 
Blrs. QioROB Stapliton, LadyBAWUvsov, the Hon. Mrs. B. Wilbbaham, 
the Hon. Mrs. Lawlxt, and Sir Biohabd Bbookb hare taken prises, whilst 
the works of others are highly commended, notably those of Ux%, MA1^^■A^f^ 
a young lady for whom I entertain a great regard. Ladies will be ohanMA 
hf a risit to this nnique exhibition, and a little ahopping may be dosie 
too, all in one Journey. Tea Old Ladt. 



PUBEt SOLUBLE 1! 
! 1 1 BEFBESHIN6 



GADBURY'S 
COCn ESSENCE 



CAUti^W. 
■^V Oscou. 




Published by the Proprietor, at 78. Fleet Street, B.C. Printed by Woodfau. k Kmoaa, Mllford Une, Strand, W.C-WsDNasDAT, July 5, 187ft. 



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Jtot 12, 1876.] JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEBIO-COMIO JOUBNAL. 123^ 

A BOOTLESS ERRAND. 



Mr. M<Nab looked to hk Under- Off to the Shoemftker'i for regain. '* Awfk OBOonra- 
After Breakfast/ one moming'— itandings, and '*danged** himaelf if he niant place they HieUns tae get onythiii\ din. Plft/milee 

''cooldna lee dayli^t tliroagh tham." tae git a pair o* bita looked tae " (StUiUpt^ of M<Nab). 



"Gie ibey a bit tonch up, M'Whabo." «»No tbe day, M'Nab, me mannie.'* 



ICNab grttsefoUy retires. Suspense. Oat of range. "I'll be mair than 9rm wi' ye yet 

M*WflAHO, me mon."* [EkU m m w kM w md . 



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124 JITDY, OE THE LQNDON SERIOCOMIC JOUKNAL. [JTult 12, 1876. 



"SUCH IS MPB!" 

An *'Up ike BiTer" Bomanee. 

l.-^From a Ck)UxntT Tovxo Ladt (tn London) to a Bosom Fkixbd (tn 

iki6 CcufUry.) 

Half Moon Strett^ Piccadilly, 

S%mday NigU, 
DAKUiiaxsT LxTTT,— 'For ilie lisi few dtji this child hai been in sneh 
a perfect whirl of excitement— JO delightfully delicione, my lore 1 — thsi 
the little quarter of an hour neceaary for my prcmieed letter to yoa 
has been an ah$olui€ impombility. Oh, my dear, one really can form no 
conception of the trne meaning of the wordi Baptnre and Blias, till one 
has had one*s first '* fling '* in a London Season. But delidonsly nice as 
is the excitement of endless Balls and ** At Homes," the Bow, tlie Park, 
the Hnrlingham business, Pbdioxs* little game, and so <m, and so on, I 
91010 possess an excitement actually even more delidonsly nice ; for, my 
ownest^ what would you say if I were to tell you thai I have at ]ast» posi- 
tively, really, and trDly— /o/Ieti tn love/ Ah, yei, yest I know — I 

feel i^-heref Bis beautiful 

romantic name iaPLAXTAOunr 
in Boon, and he is as beautiful, 
LsYTTy as be— eautiful, and ro- 
mantle as his name. I met 
him, *taa true, only last night, 
at the JnxivBons' ball (he 
dances like a real angel, and 
his eonrersation, especially after 
supper, is truly heaTenlyK but 
I feel, fkt I led, aaif Jhad 
known. hlMk for yeank 

To-day, for the first time in 
my life, I dined at the bmous 
<*Star and Garter,'' lUohmond, 
with the Jnnnisovs, and if he 
had oiJy come, as he promitedy I 
should have been really in a 
soTenth hearen. Still, what with 
the sweetly pretty tIow, the de- 
licious salmon and encumber, the 
whitebait, the duckling and peas, 
the iced champagne, fiie straw- 
berries and cream in the bal- 
cony, and my new lore of a 
" straw," which I /eft— I don't 
mean a pun — wss envied bylGss 
Jerkiksov (she. Miss J., is 
quite a plain old frump, and 
wears a frigkt of a bonnet, my 
dear, though she it an heiress! X 

1 did enjoT myself tmrnenaeZy. 
More, dear, by next poet» 

about Am; till then, darling- 
est, erer your lovingeit, * 

EiTTT Clotxr. 

2 -—From a Lohdow Tomro 
Ladt to a Bosox Fnisn). 
Mt Dmab, Olaba, — Tou ask 

me for news. Well, I reaUy 
don*t think I know any. Par- 
haps you might like to know 
that it's all off now between me 
and Mr. ni Boors. He has be- 
hared like a thorough little snob, 
and I wrote to teU him so tkis 
morning. Now, what dofjou 

think f The wreteh was to haye joined our party at the '* Star and Garter " 
yesterday ; at the last moment a note came, ssying he was "so sorry, but 
he was obliged to stop away to «une his sick grsndmother" ! And what 
do you think ?— all the time he was actuaUy on the riTcr in a common 
penny steamboat, with a lot of common play-actiog Penonel Tke boat 
stuck fsst in the mud, opposite our windows. He little thought that 
would htifitn ; still lets did he think I should hsTc my powerful race- 
gisss with me, and through whteh I plainly saw him on board paying 

extraTsgant attentions to one of the^ahem l-^Pertont/ But it's all 

over now, my deir— I don't throw myself awsy on (hat fellow! 
bi By the way, too, talking of unpleasantness, did you ever notice the 
horrid emell of flying— whitebait, I suppose— just outside the Hotel ? 
Quite took my appettte away going in, thoogh it didn't seem to affect that 
little chit of a countij girl we took with us. I never law any one gorge so 
before I Quite disgusting ! And her guthing chatter about the stupid 
old hackneyed Tiew ) f And the hot she wore, too t Gradous, so common, 
and fa^, and $o unbecoming 1 1 ! 

. Yoan, dear Clixa, always,— Lavea Jxbsisboh. 



^.—'Prom FuLVTAOuriT db Boon, Eeq,, to a Chux. 

Junior Pag a/nd Pamiak 0M>, 

Monday Momimg. 
Deab JjUX,— Stunning is the only word t Buck a lark did Tours Brer 
!Chdy hare yesterday ! Got up a party with Sphfib to go up the rirer. 
(hi the tziawmis cheap, don't you know I Grab, you Me, in lien of 
lobeter, and Saumer lor Champagne^ Hired a Citizen 8., and imritad 
some jelly ptetty aeftresses— SpirnH's a celebrated Caa^ Amateur, you 
know, and knows lota of Fro.'s. Wont of it was tkey all brought their 
aged Mammas, or andent female ayuneular relatiYViL Lor* t One of 
'em, howcTer, did no< / Mother had gone to Margate, or Bath, or Jerieho, 
or somewkflre, and I had a regular good innings. Awfblly jolly ! When 
" Oat OBm Lauba J., you know) is away, the Mouse (me, you twig) will 
pUy." And I find it a way tkie Moose has. Curious, though, our beast 
of a boat should take it into its head to stick in the mud just oppodte 
''The Star," where Gat was feeding. But of course Oat*s eyes couldn't 
see so far as thoL Ebpe not^ I'm sure, f(»r, if she don*t many me, it's 



quiiU U. P. with 



HUMPH! 

rvz BBBB JOLLT QUB»l LATBLT. 



AHitt. 
TOO Habd? 

Dealer in Pine Arte {plain apoken), 
ABOUT AS Maird as abtthdio could bb. 



i.—PtOm a POPULAE LOKDOB 

A0TBB88 to her Maxxa. 
Camden Town, 
Monday. 
Mt bbab Ma,— »So glad to 
hear you're " sniffing the briny " 
at Margate ! Wish I was there 
myself for London now is fear- 
ful / My dressing-room at tke 
theatre, which I hare to share 
with our First Old Woman and 
a great hi Chambermaid old 
Slux baa engaged because he 
gets her half a sot. cheaper 
than poor Jbnnt, and with the 
three gss-jets on, is something 
awful / Business is also awful, 
and old Slux has been heard 
to darkly hint at half sals. In 
such case this child will be 
taken suddenly ill, and require 
''change of air.*' Talking of 
tat, 1 did get a little outing 
yesterday, up the riTor; and if 
it hadn't been for tha pottering 
of a youthful Idiot by the name 
of Db Boots, I should really 
haTe enjoyed myself. I beliera 
the yovBg donkey would like me 
to marry him ; but not for thia 
child ; besides the donkeyiA- 
ness, he isn't worth twopence. 
/ know, too, what it is when a 
Pro. marries that sort of youth ; 
it ends in her haTing to work 
for Aim. Just look at poor Jbvvt 
with her fine husband, and her 
fiTO half-starred brats I Bah t 
GiTO me a good " warm " City 
man who oan give one "oomfort- 
ing " of the right sort The sort^ 
I mean, who, when he asks one to go " Up the ryTcr," does it proper in hia 
own steam launch, not in a dirty old Citiaen S., and giTos one Pbbbxeb- 
JouBi and PdU de foie grot, not Saumer and Sandwiches. 

You r aSfectionate, but much mdtb g Daughter,— Flo*. 

A lUBSTITUTE FOR THX SEA. (Cum grano salii.) 
I dob't know where on earik to go ! 
Without iU JeUy, Margate's slow ; 
And Bamsgate ^tcs itself such airs — 
I ncTer could abide " Broad Stares " t 
The Isle of lIHght's beyond my reach, 
And Brighton's such a shingly beach * 
In short, I don't know where to go — 
Although I'm dying for " a blow " I 
But, stay! I need not stir from home 
To breast the briny billows' foam ; 
For rather than go " in default," 
I'll haTo a tub of Tidxab's Salt! 



Do TOU THDIK I WOBK 



Ubdoubtbdlt toub Work is 



Thine, Mousingly, P. db B. 

P.S.— By the way, there was 
rather a pretty little thing I 
met at Cars Ma's hop on Satur- 
day; quite r^/reiAeii^Terdant, 
regular Daisy and Buttercup 
idea ; but I'to since heard there's 
no tin in it. 



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JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEBia 



CHRISTIAN 

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iJQMie JOUBNAL.— Jew 12, 1876. 



A N D T U R K. 

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JuxT 12, 18?6.] JTJDT, OB THE LONDON BEEIOXX)MIC JOUKKAL. 



Ifi0< 



SHOBT MEMS. FOB SHOBT MEM0BIE8. 



FV 



t 



^^ HE FiBST Victim.— 
Hoitllitifis bftve 
oommeno^d be^ 
tween Serf!* and 
Tork^, despite all 
the efforts of Lord 
DssBTin a peace- 
fed directioiL Of 
oomse, if the great 
I Powers let thelittle 

f Powers alone, it 

win soon be over, 
bat this is the diffi- 
culty. Meantime, 
from both sides 
oomeaoooonts con- 
taining the most 
flagrant fdsehoods. 
It is the old stonr. 
When war breaks 
out between two 
conntries the first 
thing sacrificed is 
— Tmth ;* and in the nresent case there is not a pin to choose 
between the Turk and the Ghristiab. 

A Dead Csbtaintt.— People who are nnfkiniliar with the 
geography of the seat of the war in the East, are pnzzled to on- 
derstduid what is the exact locality of Montenegro, Bosnia, 
Servia, and so on. A glance at the map~(or at the reports of 
their doings in the newspapers even) — will reyeal to them one 
lict : they all lie together, anyhow 1 

• • 

Anothsb SuGoxsnoN.— Recently it was suggested that^ in con- 
sequence of the manner in which Primob Milan of Servia 
allowed himself to be made a cat's*paw of by Russia, the name 
of his country should be changed into Servilia. This proposition 
having met with much approbation in mflnAntSal cirdes, it is now 
suggested, as a further improvement, that the name of his sub- 
jects should also receive a suitable addition. Henoefbarth let 
them be, not Servians, but Scurvy 'uns. Fiat I 

• • 

MuBPHTs iND Smiths.— A curious iUnatzation of the working 
of the alphabetical jury system, laid down by the last Jury Act, 
has occuxzed in the Court of Common Pleas, Dublin. The first 
three names on the panel were each Miohaxl Mubpht, and when 
the name was called three persons simultaneouslv answered. It 
transpired that in a panel of fiurty-^ht names there were nine- 
teen MuBPHis heading the list What would happen, if that 
system were employed m London, when the name of John Smith 
was pronounced, no summoning officer has yet had courage to 
imagine. 



Fbom ths Banks or thb Danube. — It is not genersUy known 
|h«t the proteotad State wMsliborderthis river are called Prind- 
pal-hies. Because, in t&e event of a quairel with Turkey, their 
rulers all make common cause. 

• • 

Impbovshknts in DBiLL.-*Everything is beinff done h^ dock- 
work now-a^days. The latest method of ** markmg time " is l)y 
means of a chronograph. It is expected that the next thing 
will be the perfonnance of the goose-step by steam machinery. 

• 

Fbom the Seat or Wab.— A lady friend of the Empbbob of 
Russia— Bess-Arabia. 



"Q** IN THE CORNER. 

Skvbbal people, and more than one newspaper, are talking as if 
the contest in the Balkan Peninsula ii a matter of Christian v, 
Turk. If this were so, and the war were isolated — confined to 
the two religions, at the end of a fortnight we should hear no 
more of the quaneL It is said the man with the crutch would 
knock the bndns out of the man with the pistols in his waist. 
At the moment of writing there is everv assurance that the 
European Powers will not interfere. If sc^ the result will 
be as 1 have stated. If any nation does intermre iu favour of 
tiie barbaric pagans who call themsdves ChristiaDs, it must be 
remembered that among the subjects of our Sovereign Lady, 
there is a greater popmation of Mahomedans than of Chris- 
tians. So no surprise will be occasioned should England abstain 
from aiding and abetting the barbaric pagans who caQ them- 
selves Christians. At any rate, we are not going to pomdre with 
the name of Christian in the present quarrd. Mr. Diseaeli 
knows what he is about, and nis policy will in the end be 
i^roved. 

It is very comic to see one of the Mr. Jemkinsks getting up in 
the House of Commons for explanations. Although the Speaker 
informs him that it is ^'very inconvenient** for a member "to 
make a speech when giving notice of a question," the Mr. Jenkins, 
who is member for the dtv of marmalade, Dundee, perdsted, 
the other night» in hearing his own voice about fordgn affairs. 
Mr. Jenkins wanted information from the GK>viamment as to the 
course they were pursuing inthe Eastern Question. Mr. Biqoab, 
of course, seconded Mr. Jenkins ; and, of course, Mr. Kbnealt 
supported him. Now I want to know whether anybody can 
believe that, at the present moment, while the Government rejpiire 
to be strengthened by the acquiescence of aU loyd men in its 
foreign policy, any good can come horn Mr. Jenkins, Mr. Biogab, 
and Mr. Kenealt, having the opportunity of " discussing" any- 
thing. Mr. Jenkins and Mr. Ejotealt have eadi a public which 
appreciates him when he spmks with his pen. Sevenl thousands 
believe each of these hon. gentlemen to be a sort of a kind of an 
oracle. Let both, tiien, be content with the tremendous influence 
they wield with their pens, and allow the Speaker of the Honse 
of Commons to dedde when it is "inconvenient" for th^m to 
address their colleagues. As for Mr. BiooABy he can dways find 
an audience fit He has not &r to go. Q. 



LU B I 



LY'8 LEQ8. 



( 



r 



LvBiLT literally wonBipped Bis 
^ own Le^ ; bis OalTes and his Ankles 
he considered simplj perfection. 



"Why cannot,'* he used 
to say, "we dress as in the 
time of— of— say Boxbo ? " 



Sdd he, one day, to his bosom firiend, Boultbk, 
"B., dear boy, d'yon consider my Ankle smaU ?" 
^'Well, considering the great Calf it has to 
cany,— yes,*' said B. 



NoWjlLOBttT, when In 
Bovutib'b oompaiiy, let the 
weather !^ ever so hi»t, !) 
▼ariaUy wears m Ulster. 



the 



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130 



JUDY, OB THE LONDON SERIO.C0MI0 JOURNAL. [July 12, 1876. 



NURSERY MORALS. No. 6.-More about Bogneya. 



Bacm writbff to say I did not believe there erer were any 
Bogaan I hftve received letters from eereral good persons, 
who saj I oeght to be sshamed of mj ignoranee. 

It would appear that in some parts of the coontrf, rather dis- 
tantg Bogoeys are as common as blackberries, and the more 
distant the places are, the more plentilnl the Bogneys. Of course 
one knows eyeiy 
respectable family 
has its own par- 
ticular skeleton 
carefully laid up 
in lavender in the 
cupboard, but 
some of my cor- 
respondents^would 
have me believe 
their own private 
particuhur skele- 
tons come out in a 
friendly kind of 
way, and make 
one of the family 
cirde, crossing 
their gaunt legs 
and rming their 
goblin jaws over 
the litUe ,famUy 
circle jokelets. i 

But these Bo- 
gneys seem to me, 
and I fearlessly 
assert it, to be a 
meaningless mean- 
deriograce, given 
to putting in spec- 
tral appearances 
with much prepar- 
atory oeremony, 
but without any- 
thing in anyway 
at ail remarJcabie 
resultiuff there- 
from. That the 
generality of Bo- 
gneys spend their 
spectral existence 
▼ ery uselessly, 
there can be no 
doubt, as for in- 



Thece was once 
upon a time, it 
would i^pesr, a 
certain Baron 
Baddkbiiobwobsb, 
who was an awfol 
brute in his way, 
and was worth a 
lotofmott^. He 
lived at a period 
whan be and other 
Chrisliana were 
rather down upon 
the Infidel, Toric. 
What»Ithukk,were 
called ^the Holy 
Warn were just 

then jfoing on, led by Ricoard the Lion-hearted, who cut off 
infidels' heads and played on the lute like an angel He pro- 
nounced it loot himself; if I am rightly informed; and there was 
a good deal of looting of one Und and another just then. Bau- 
»saii<MiwsnsB's brother barons sacked much treasure and sent it 
boB^ and B/s little game was to come down on the other barons' 
easUes during tiieir absence, and carry off the Taluables, and 
~^ lbs wives and Oonrtladiesi If thwe wasany par- 



ticular row about it afterwards, he occasionally sent back the 
wives, but he invariably stnekto the valoaUes. 

Barons now-a-days are quite different They are aU good, purs, 
and disinterested individutds. I have known sereraL I knew one 
who was poor and had to take to literature as I have, ibr a live- 
lihood. He wrote City articles. Another was Baron Nicholson, 

a great le^^al au- 
thority, with an 
almost exagger- 
ated sense of de- 
corom, which, I 
believe, went 
against him in life, 
for I am told he 
died at last in a 
Coal-hole. And I 
was personally ao- 
guainted with 
Baron Nathin. 
the last Lord of 
Eoeherville, who 
danced divinely 
amoDg eggs set in 
a pattern on the 
floor of the Baron- 
ial Hall, and never 
was known to 
break one. Under 
his auspices, did 
not I, long years 

S», request the 
asure of a pink 
bonnet's company 
through th*' 
Caledonians? 
What ecstasy is 
there even in the 
bare recollection ! 
** Another couple 
wanted," the Bar- 
on said, and found 
me a partner rij^ht 
off. Ah me ! why 
was not I taught 
La Boxe, and other 
usef nl arts, instead 
of foolish classics ? 
and why, before 
she metme, should 
she have plighted 
her troth to one 
apprenticed to a. 
tnde so calculated 
to bring out the 
muscle in the 
light arm 7 

This Baron even 
may not have been 
one of Fortune'^ 
fitvourites. I have 
heard that he 
owned a pair of 
pumps, but other- 
wise there is no 
reason to believe 
him to have been 
a landed proprie- 
tor. He died. I; believe, only tolerably well off: By the way, 
we are most of us well off, I take it, when we go. I speak 
more psrticularly of those with an upward inclination, like th<» 
reader and writer of this improving paper. 

But look here, you know, joking apart, about this particular 
Baron depicted in the accompanying illustration. His was a 
smgular^ wicked case. The object of his after-life would appear 
tohaye been to haunt a pool or pond, in tilie neighbourhjoi of 



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Jrax 12,: 18?60 

which the frogs alone 
Here this Baron met hu 
of slMitting np, or rathi 
other respectable pem 
round, until in 4WIM 
eonntry bampkH 8e?#i 
This was raOter an 
considerably faf tti^ Bpj 

THE 



Thk report thiitA. 8uw 
feels better for It iitifdi 
the dvillEed world. Thi 
mg too, aftet his birth< 
moiher, who, even as il 
takes medicinally. , 

The real tratii of 
A. Slopeb has not ei 
eanse as yet, but is 
were, with a mofthlik 
oonrse he will take Ae I 
and it may do himipiiai^ 
much about the ^jj^c 
way, but his motto is» 
knows a parW, with t 
elinties, who believed i 
day washed some but! 
he put them into.the to 
he couldn't find then 
with Slofke. Beader, i 
there is yet time« 

Preyious to fiie fur 
meians to say)/ A. S 
himself as eoinversant 
total observances. He 
the demonstration at 
thing that struck A. Si 
(if he may be aUowc 
totaler's food. A 1 
TefeedoTi with proper a 
kind of cove, and wat< 
visedly, swells hfm a^f 
A- Slopbb neyto je| 
many teetotalers "ail t( 
oocasion. Hedidnpts 
for granted. The mali 
ing to A. Blqpbr than 1 
omy natural^ and hf. 
nicest of the. latter will 
him on that aoooont 

Teetotalers oooaaion 
totakr aged five asm 
miiiilr was diade i^^ an 
wealth of the Indies 
could not tempt hun to 
taste iktixidatiti^ 
liquors. A. BlopeIi 
does not usually carry 
so large a sum about 
him, so dropped the 
subjecL rl^ujt, ^ fell 
determination of this 
young party filled him 
with awe.; If /there ia 
much of this Upd o| 
thing going on m thfl 
risinff generation, he is 
afiniil it is a bad-look- 
out for ttiffnew pubHc^ 
houMi.'' 'li cannot be 
otherwise. 

A teetotaler of tend 
also ^uild sura ribe i 
sherrv ^ine. She ^ 

Shesaii'^'^Whafstitl 

f 
.1. 



il '! . ' '4. 



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JUDY, OB ^IHE LONDON SEBIO>OOMIC JOXTBNAL. [Jtot 12, 1876. 



HOW TO ECONOMISE LIKE A QENTLEMAN -Bespeetftiny S«dieite« to 



Tht ffakishing Toaeli. 



QeUiBg hiaiMlf Up. 



If you rniut dreM in Chedk* bay one big enoo^ lor two. 
It ong^t to oome cheaper, eren if ifrdoei't. 



A Qentienum Qot Up (Regittered^. 



ABM^OHAIB AND 8LIPPEBS. 
_ liee before mo^ quaintly bond in red and greea, the oompleted 

foluM ef WhUaker'B Jwmal^ the prioe'of which ia ■omething under 
ftfe ehilUim% and, without exaggeration, it may weU be eaid that it ia 
wwih nore than doable .that saoL It Ojontainaoomplete norels by F. W. 
Ilonnnoii, J. S. Bobi>ai% and Jjuna QinswooD, and hnndredi of tales 
and artkHei en all kinda of aabjeeti, by moet of the beet wziten of the 
day. Ifcawo it upon good anthoiity that every line in the Tolnme has 
been paid lor, and paid lor haadMsmdy ; and whaterer Mr. Wsitaxbe's 
roaeone m^ he for dieoentiniiing a joarnal which in so short a time has 
gatheved^elden opiinens on all sides, he may feel jastly prond of his 
woiIl as mr as it has gone. 

fhin fe an itiiole abost dnU oermons in this month's ifaoRiOan, whiA 
ii »el g| ill dnlL It mnat have been written by a long-snfforer, I am 



In TMkif$pl miss Dr. Dayxm*8 artide on peering oTonts TOiy mueh. 
The paper en Yoltaiu and Qibbok is amasing. 
, There w notmaoh Tariely in the eontents of the ilf^^ofy this month, 
bat it Is a TOiy readable number. 

The eelonrsd pUtea whioh haTo recently appeared in Onct a WtA are 
a ouiio^s nereH^ in periodical Uterature, and are remarkably well ezeouted. 

Mr. JAMii HoQO, the founder of Lwndon Socktjf^ returns to his first 
lore as Iti editerj and issaes a capital holiday number. 

The #afy number of London Soeietjf contains some good things, notably 
versee by Mr. Ounm Soon and Mr. Asbbt Smnr, and the eontinua- 
tien of Mr. Jdftra Hifltov's true stoty of iHmeA, which I hope to meet 
with hi «n enlaiged form some of theee days, 
t This mmik*% porOen of Mr. Taouoi^s tele in TempU gar is well 



written and full of character. Mr. Wmmi CouJirs is rather wilder than 
usual in his prese n t story, but you muH read him. Also^ by the way, you 
must read a ''Peep into Portugal,*' by Thuha, Yisoountess AromoKi, 
if only for that little kisnng eiiisode in church. 

''The Ber. Adam Oakiboh's Yisit-to London" is rather an alarming 
title, but you must not lay yenr OomhiU down without giring it a fur 
trial, for which I think you wiU find that it repays you. The feature ef 
the number is, howoTer, the poem by WnuaM AuoraKAX, of which 
Part L is giren, with a very deter iliustcation. 

The pictures to OaaeWB (althougjb I miss Mr. BAmvAnn with regret) are 
admirable. Quito a poem Is that with the title of " AMore." 

Ifr. Bunmr Ornxsmt is as humorous as. he weU ooald be in the iDualra* 
tions now appearing in LUOe Foikt^ and thqr wOl, I iMfliy, delight many 
grown-up people as well asoUUhren. i 

Oolburn*9 Mof^arine for Joly is a need number. 

" In the Country" is the title of the out-eC-town number ef theZomfen 
Moaagme, aAd the idea Is certainly a capital one, which ought to meet 
with &TOur jiiit now that the restless seaeon has set in. 

The propiietors of Bdgravia haTo done well in eeoarina the senrioes of 
Mrs. Lm Lnroa to writo them a nofoL Her wonderfully derer story, 
"The Atonement of Leam Dnndas," has created a powerful sensstion 
asBongrt dreukting Ubraiy subseribers. Tbv Old Ladt. 



SponnHO MuL— The Birmbriuun Plato (Pteliamentary).~TUs erent 
resulted in a mere walk oter nr Apology, the only hone entered.' He 
ef oourse came in first, by a neck, and was declared winner. [N.B. — No 
rdatien to the winner at Ascot.] 



PUBEiSOLUBL] 
1 1 1 BEFBESnn 



CADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENG 



tkUhmu in 



PubHihed by the Proprietor, at 78, fleet fitreel^EO. Printed by Weenneu. « junMim 



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Jtot 19, 1876.] JUDY, OR THE LONDON SEEiaCOMIO JOURNAL. 



133 



PASSING IN REVIEW. 



Do I remember the lOth of June, 1811, 
when (he Prinoe Begent reriewed the Rega- 
Ian and Yolnnteen on the Common f 



Wasn't I there T—and not alone, my boy 
not alone. 



Then brother was in the Yeomanry, 
and a fine young chap he was, too. 



The Prinoe ! I think I see him now t How 
ti^t he wore his clothes, to be sore ! 



Ah! soldiers looked like soldiers then. 
Plenty of stock and pipeclay. 



ABTHU& Wblubslbt, too, with that wonderful 
hat, is stall in my mind's eye. 



And as to yon Volunteers, if some of the ^ ones were amongst yon, they'd astonish you, I reckon. (Qcnmr, vice vertd.) 



A SAD STOBT, 



FBXFAOl. 

Though appearing in the One and Only Comio PftMr of the 
day, it ia respeotfnlly intimated that the following Menuur is 
not a Comio Story. Persons of a jocose temperament, of a 
scoffing disposition, or a satirical turn of mind, are hereby 
caationed against a perusal. On the other hand, parties wim 
a feeling heart are invited to drop a tear o'er the untimely fate 
of the unhappy Author of this most melancholy Memoir. This 
is, indeed, a harrowing Stoxy ! What glimpses have we here of 
Blighted Hopes, of Blasted Ambition, of a Shipwrecked Life, 
of a Broken Heart? Alas, alas! I knew him well ; he was a 
truly sweet yonth^thoogh freokled-^and his affability was only 
equalled by his quite remarkably long . But I leave him 



to tell hii own Sad Story, which his landlady (by his last request) 
forwarded to me for publication.— Eo. or *^ Judt." 

THI 8T0BT. 

Losa, long before this meets the eye of ICan I ihall oease to belong to 
that genuM. I wish I didn't belong now. I wiih I never had belonged 
at all I wish I had ne*er been bom. I was fifty-four years of age last 
Tuesday week ; 1 am tall, and a good figure, if slim, as becomes a Being 
all Soul ; aad I repeat my remark, I would that I had ne'er been bom. 
Yes, I do. I want to die. I desire to get out of it. AU, all is Vanity. 

I am aweary of this hollow world Tes, oh, yes, my mind's made up— 

To'fiigKt I ceau to exitif The only question now remaining is, How ? 

WhieheTer way it is done, there seems to be unpleasantness attached to 
itk For instanoe, that Shilling Baser I bought yestermorn wodd oome 
in nicely, but would it not be unfair on my landlady's new Brussels t 
Then, there's a six-shooter on the mantelpieoe, but then, a^ain, thai 
would make a disagreeable mess. But, whilst my fertile brain devises 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIO JOTJENAL. [Juit 19. 1876. 



the deadly means to accomplish the a^i^ol End, Itt toy hasy fiDgers pen 
the Sad Storj of my Life. 

From early youth I had Tearnings. I yearned for Fams. I panted for 
laurel leaves. I sighed for Immortality. I won^d be a great Poet — a 
distinguished Painter— an illustrious Actor ; the Closet, the Studio, or the 
Stage ; one of these should be the platform from which I would rise, 
|il]cenix-like, to eyerlasting Fame. 

I began with the Closet. At the age of sweet seTenteen I threw down 
my post — or perhaps I should say, stool — in my uncle Pitib'b counting- 
house, and took up my new profession. This grieved my uncle Pbtsr, 
and he cut me off with a shilling. I don't belieye I have ever had 
enough to fill me comfortably since, still, did not I become a Poet ! 

As a Poet my Yearnings were much gratified. I took 'em out in pen- 
and-ink, and then retailed *em aloud to all— or as many of my friends as 
would listen. Somehow or other, nevertheless, obtase publishers refused 
to buy my Yearnings. The MS. of my great Epic, " Soul-pantings," which 
took up the ten b^ years of my life, is before me as I write, a Monu- 
ment to unreoogimed Qenius. 

I next tried the Studio. The _ 
R.A. Council absolutely refused 
to hang my truly grand picture, 
which absorbed the next ten best 
years of my life. It is before 
me now, Monument No. 2 to 
unrecognized Gknius. 

I had now arrived at the age 
of thirty-seven, and was getting 
thin on the top, but had not yet 
reached the niche of Fame my 
mind's ^e had carved for me a 
full score years ago. One chance 
still remained — I would essay 
the Stage, and burst upon the 
Uniterse the most Illustrious 
Tragedian of all time. But I 
would not be rash, or in any 
hurry this time. I would read 
up, study, and practise in secret 
till I felt myself to be in a truly 
fit state for bursting. I did so. 
For seventeen long years I read 
up, studied, and practised in 
secret and the dead of night. 
Not a single soul, I murmured, 
should witness the first pantings 
of awakened Qeniis, the in- 
cipient inspired workings of a 
Great Mind, till the Pan^gs 
and Workings wera matured, 
and practically ripe. 

At length even my native 
modesty admitted that I was 

ripe enough for the bursting. 

Managers, however, when I 

applied to them, actually would 

not believe all I told them. 

But my G^iua triumphed over 

the poor fools. I hired a com- 
pany, and— tooh a theatre of my 

own/ *Tis true iteost a lot, but 

what of that^t What is filthy 

lucre to glorious immortality ? — 

what the quartern loaf of bakers 

to the deathless Boll of Fame ? 
Macbith was the character I 

selected. The grandest, tiie 

thrillingest, the most tragic hero ~' 

alone would be good enough for m I The night was fixed— last night, 

in fact — and all the critics, and every friend I could think of, had 

** orders" sent them. 
On the preceding night there was a Full-dress Behearsal, the first we 

had, and I wore my kilt for the first time. As I was rising after being 

killed, Macduff made this most astonishing remark to me, — 

'* You'll excuse me, guv'nor, but, if I was you, I'd buy a pair of calves 

before to-morrow. " 
What could he mean by this, to me, most incomprehensible remark ? 

My practice had been all in private, and I was ignorant^ thank goodness 1 

of the low slang which seemed to be so moch used by these common actors. 

I passed this remark over in silence, thinking Macduff had taken a glass 

too much. 

The night of nights came and went. I pass over the applause. I will 

also pass over the— a— the other things that occurred. My funds being 

low after paying up all the company, who one and all refused to "go on" 

till filthy lucre had been administered to them, I was necessitated to ride 

home in a common 'bus. Two persons, besides myself, were the sole 



occupants of the interior. One of these was a tall thin man ; the other 
a short podgy womaif They began talking of the theatre they had just 
left — my theatre. I listened with a beating heart ; now, I said, now 
shall I get a bon&-fide, an honest criticism of my Genius, of my future 
Immortality, of my present Fame. 

" And pray, what did you think," said the tall thin man, '*of the 
party as took Maobbth ? " 

" Well," said the short and podgy lady, ''I thought him rather good, 
you know." 

'* Indeed I " said Tali and Thin. ''Well, 1 thought him very bad— a 
reg'lar stick, with no conception, in fact, of the part !" 

" Well," said Short and Podgy, *' I dunno about your no conceptiona, 
but I thought him quite a entertainment all in hisself ; he made me laugh 
uncommon, for— ha, ha ! — he's gcit-^ha, ba, ha \^9uch fuhny long thin 



O H, 

Inquiring Mind (reading). 



I 



BOTHER 

It SATS HSRB, Ma, 
TAKBN TO TBBIS IiAST BESTIffO-PLAOB." WhT JK) THBT SAT 
MAIBB'*-*-WASS*ff Bl ALL THBRB ! 



F&OK OUBi OWH WYKEHAKITE. 

SuvDAT Motto fob Pbibtikg-Housb Squabb. — <* Tempera mutantur;" 
^^_^^__ — **^e7Vme«ismute." 

A WoHDBBFUL Fact, not gen- 
erally known, though it ought to 
be, is, that that little podgy 
sneak, Hobaov, the Latin poet, 
dares to speak contemptuously 
in one of his ''things'* about 
Judt's Own Artist. Here is the 
quotation : ** Oredat Judtus 
Apellbs!" Any fellow, of 
course, may not know where 
that oomes from, but any fellow 
will at once acknowledge that 
any comparison between Judt's 
inoomparable Artists and QuiB- 
TU8 Flaocus is much to the 
latter's disadvantage, and that 
the wit of the pott, contrasted 
with the wit of Mrs. J.'s 
" Special," is /laccid indeed ! 

* "Quid mibi, Baoohb, 
DABIB ? '* — Our Wykehamite 
would like to see a better ren- 
dering of that than the follow- 
ing, which is original, if not 
copyright : ** my Bacca, wilt 
thou give me a quid?" He 
thinks that gives the force of 
the original very fairly. [N.B. 
— Our W. wishes ;to repudiate 
widi scorn the idea that he is 
responsible for another render- 
ing of this famous passage, 
wUch, by a change of the 
punctuation, and the resolution 
of one word into two, has made 
a regular muddle of both mean- 
ing and metre. ''*Quid mihi 
Bacche, da bis I *'— the idea ! — 
'*0 Bacchus, give me two sove- 
reigns !" It is only some mean 
fellow like Jorbb, in the Lower 
^-th, who is always on the look- 
out for '* tips," who could have 
perpetrated sueh 
that!] 



His Bbmaihs wbbb 
His Eb- 



THE DEFORM CLUB, 

In oonseqaence of some miBundentanding as to the obligations 
incident to membership of the above Club, the committee have 
drawn np the following creed, which must be assented to by all 
members and candidates for membership. 

(Signed) Noodle Doo (Acting Sec. pro t4m). 

1.— That Tory Ministers never tell the truth unless by accident. 

2. — That all Conservatives are rascals. 

( Vide Mr. Joseph Ghambbrlain's speech.) 

3. — ^That all men are equal, excepting those who are not so. 

4. — That the City Companies should all be disendowed unless they 
invite members of this Club to their banquets more frequently than they 
now do. 

5. — That branches of this Club should be instituted in all towns, and 
that the Church should be disendowed to provide the necessary funds. ' 

6.~That Dr. Kbbbalt is a hero. 

7.— That the great Liberal party is united. 



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JUDY, OE THE LONIX)N BEBXCMH^ 



ON THE 

A/ifrf Th»ht iw% jQiM>/i«/>«# ».77 riTTU GTT.T?U»r 1?T>1V1IIT\ TTOmf. TUTTT. Wir.1> TTQ ATrP titx 

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%OMIC JOUKNAL.— JriT 19, 1876. 



ALERT. 

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JiTLT 19, 18760 JXJDT, OR THE LONDON SEBIO-COMIC JOUENAL. 



139 




OTJE GOUTY CONTEIBUTOE 
Ai Harrogate. 

IME Bm passed od, but 
rm BtU] here, dear 
Madam ; though my 
hag 18 packed, my 
skiff is elose haody, 
and my harqne within 
easy swimming distance 
^for Captain Wnns. 

I have heen very 
comfortable at Har- 
rogate, and shall go 
again this automn. I 
think the waters grow 
on you on acquaint- 
ance — grow nastier. 
I observe in the Gnide 
you kindly lent me 
(bearing date 1808), 
the popular opinion is, 
that Harrogate water 
tastes like bad eggs 
and gunpowder; and 
in tUs particular I 
don't see why I should 
go out of my way to 
contradict the Guide. 
Tour Guide says that, at Harrogate, " various parties are formed, who 
mess in common, and these repasts are seasoned by social oomvenation, and 
rudeness and indelicacy are excluded by the ladies sitting at the same 
hoard. It is an established regulation here that the president of the table 
shall eat his way up. The junior visitor, or last new-comer, takes his seat 
at the bottom of the table, and rises by seniority of stay. It, however, 
freauently happens that the chairman is ill-adapted for his situation ; and 
in that case his party must patiently submit to his awkwardness in carving, 
and the downishness of his manner, tUi he chooses to take himself off. 
The ladies and gentlemen mutually treat each other at this place ; after 
dinner, the latter pay for the wine, while the ladies return the compliment 
in tea— a spedes of amicable and equal arrangement which, while it tends 
to keep up a social intercourse, is aooompanied with very pleasant drcum- 
stances to both sexes, and not unfrequtntly produoes a doter mutaality of 
interests. The ladies, by this custom, have an opportunity of witnessing 
the behaviour of the gentlemen, and the latter of determining how well 
qualified the former may be for presiding over a &unily. Another advan- 
tage of mixing freely with the ladies is the sobriety it ensures, to which 
the waters, indeed, eontribute not a little." 

So far your valuable Guide, dear Madam. In the year 1876, how- 
ever, there have been a few trifling changes. Alas ! the ladies no longer 
honour us in the vfining arrangement, and the gentlemen manage to 
kee]^ sober at their own expense. And now for a word or two about 
the visitors I have left behind me. There was, to begin with, the gentle • 
man from Doncaster. He had arrived some months since, '* for a day or 
so ;" hot, as he remarked every morning that, ' 'now he was here, he might 
as well stay until to-morrow," I quite expect to see him here in the autumn. 
He had been an auctioneer in a large way of business, and if people in 
his neighbourhood had only neglected their busbesses, and wanted 
selling up, no doubt he would have done well ; however, he was " one of 
the best fellows that ever lived," and knocked down his business at his 
own bidding and without reserve. It was such a pity, they all said ; 
but how otherwise, I should like to know, could he have been " one of 
the best fellows that ever lived " ? 

Then there was a gentleman from Cork — an Irishman, I think, although 
he appeared to be wonderfully oontented and saUsfied with everything. 
He was a great believer in Cork whisky, which he would back to cure 
almost any ailment under the sun, if taken in time, and in proper quan- 
tities ; and he told us a most amusing tale about a cork leg. 

Then we had the wealthy Mr. Gum from Newcastle, with his wife 
and two attractive and accomplished daughters. Soon it was given out — 
and Mr. Grxkt was the authority— that each of the girls would have 
eventually £40,000. Great was the indignation in the smoking-room 
that evening. Mr. G. is worth £200,000 if he is worth a penny ; he has 
only two daughters unmarried (and one who married not entirely to please 
her father, so she ought to be settled). Where is the money going I we 
asked. It is true, Mr. Gbbsh ii not an extravagant man ; if you married 
one of the girls you would not have the annoyanoe of seeing your money 
knocked down before your very eyes ; he has, I believe, only been guilty 
of one extravagance during the last fourteen years— *' a lightish brown 
wig 111" with a parting as natural as a well-kept Skye terrier. They do 
say that no fly walks that broad path without the knowledge of Mr. G. 
It ia a great triumph of art, this wig — but why should there be any 
deception t Of course, it doesn't matter to a gouty old fogy like me, 
but that other £40,000 might have made all the difference to some people. 
I think, after my experience of most of the Harrogate hotels, "The 



Adelphi " carries off the palm for" the clati of their visitors, combined 
with the jolly element. Here we meet well-to-do people from Liverpool, 
Mandliester, Sheffield, and ether large neighbouring towns, and suoeessful 
people, who have founc^ it well to do people so perseveringly and so 
industriously, that they need do no one else or nothing more ; in fact, 
have retired with large fortunes. 

No one should leave Harrogate without paying a visit to the pixiprietor 
of the small pump-room in l^be bog-field. This is where magnesia water 
is sold and bottled. It is to hear the old chap discourse on the properties 
of this water, and the ailments it relieves, I would havd you call. I 
never heard of any complaint or disease that he did not name, and he has 
not been at the business long. There has been for years a great contro- 
versy as to whether the properties of these Harrogate waters are retained 
if bottled or removed. Our friend (who boUles) assured me that they do not 
in any way deteriorate, and mentioned the singular oireumstance of a cus- 
tomer having just left this house who had opened a bottle that had been 
corked six years, when the water was as bright as champagne— a lovely 
crust, and as good as ever. Well, I must say my confldenoe was a 
good deal shaken on turning round suddenly, just after I had left the 
booth, to catch the old gentleman pointing me out to a groiq) of new 
customers, evidently as the proprietor of the bottle of the 8l|c-year<K>ld 
vintage. / 

Dr. Soar said to me this morning, *' Tou are much ^bettef^ but you 
must keep quiet. Do you see, sir ! I think you may leave. Do you see, 
sir ? " I am pining for a little sea air. What say you, my dear A^dam, 
to a line from the Reculvers, care of Heme Bay ? I'm off, anyhow, 
just calling on the way to the station for a pair of Alliksox's Q^nous 
gout boots, a Heaven-sent boon to martyrs like your obedient servaai. 



"Q" IN THE CORNER. 

Ths ChrifltiBn gentlemen in arms aKainst the Tudc have just 
ftmnd fitanch advocates in two able English writers. Mr. H. R. 
Fox Bourns, in giving a brief account of the origin and con- 
ditions of the struggle ( ** What is the War About? " Vickkrs), 
shows himself to be of a sangmne temperament. He believes 
the insurgent moTement *< has been strong enough to justify the 
hope that, wisely guided, it will prove successful." He thinks the 
best solution of the Eastern difficulty is In " the establishment, 
in the districts south of the Danube, of a nation or fMeration of 
nations strong enough to hold the country." Against what 
Power the proposed confederation would have to hold the country, 
when it takes the place of the Ottomans in European Turkey, 
Mr. Fox BouBNX forgot to mention. No confederation of the 
national elements could check the advance towards the Bosphorus 
of the only Power that longs to get there. 

Mr. E. A. Fbxemam (Daily Newt) makes seyeral allusions to 
the questions he discusses. 

(a.) He says the Ministry, when questioned, ought to have 
given the information sought respecting the doings of the 
Turks in Bulgaria. 

(5.) He asks why the Government " is supposed to know more 
of these matters than other people ? " 

(1.^ He wishes the Ministry to disclose its policy. 

(2.) He says " the policy of the Ministry is obvious." 

He also thmks the guilt of ** the men who settle these matters 
in the Cabinet of England " is " far blacker than the guilt of the 
bmtal Turk." 

After this, I am not surprised to find Mr. Fbseman belongs to 
that smidl section of our countrymen which favours the Christian 
gentlemen in their struggle. 

Meanwhile Mr* DisBASLi is wisely silent The "policy" of 
his Cabinet is the interest, not of Servia, nor of Turkey, but — of 
England. An official word said at the present moment might 
precipitate matters, as it did at the time of the Crimean war, and 
of tiie Danish war. 

Nicholas would not have crossed the Pruth had he thought of 
finding England, France, Italy, and Turkey on the other tide ; 
but he was given to understand, till it was too late for him to 
withdraw, that the country would not fight. 

Denmarii, with only two milhon people, would not have 
thought of resisting Prussia and Austria, but ti)at it had received 
an official word that if attacked she should find England by her 
side. 

Silence, always golden, is more especially golden in the present 
juncture of afiairs. Mr. Disbaeli is perhaps wiser than his 
critics.^: Q. 

On tbb Tapis — Servia beating Turkey— carpets. 

Gbace before Meat — The great cricketer lunching at Lord's. 



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Tas BiOBT BoT, sukklt ! 
Plump One. PleaM, Sir, wa« you tho Gent m 
.i.a«4J.m) fmr & A afeivA l^d to AflaUt In the Linler 



A BlOV OF TBI Tdem. 
Aimutl Fllgkt of Loadon Spunows. Waiter. Well, the Batt art Uise, Sir. Fnpe 

if e ft John Dory got mixed up alon^ on 'em. 



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Jray 19, 1876.] IJUDT, OE THE LONDON SERIOCOMIC JOURNAL. 



141 



TEETOTAL MYSTERIES. (Prom a Sloperian Point of View.) 



An event of more than national importance lias joBt taken place. 

A. Slopxb has taken the pledge. 

A. Slofbr also hegs respeotxnlly to ^inform those among his 
former associates (more par- 
tionlarlj I. Mosss} that the 
pledge he means is not the 
pledge they mean. He 
wishes to intimate that he 
is now one of the Order, 
and is prepared to strike 
for liberty on the shortest 
notice. 

A. Slofkr is now a Tem- 
plar, and up to the moment 
of writing (he was inittated 
this eveniDg about eight, 
and it is now eleven), he 
sees little reason to Agret 
the step he has taken. (Oh, 
JuDT, Mr. Editor, and conr- 
teons readers, do likewise 1 ) 

The event above allnded 
to, it is needless to say, has 
caused the greatest excite- 
ment amongst abstemious 
circles. People have run 
iJ>out shouting at the top of 
their voices, "The Uack 
sheep has joined the fold. 
The hardened sfamer has 
repented. Slopbr is one of 
us. Who now can hesi- 
tate?" AU this gets A. 
Slopeb's name up, and is so 
hi satisfactory, yet it might 
be put prettier. 

The opening ceremony 
was one which will never 
be forgotten, it took place 
in a school-room up a court 
on the Surrey side of the 
water, and a Gkdaxy of 
Female Loveliness adorned 
the interior of the spacious 
apartment, besides banners waving aloft and regalia sparkling 
around, and music. 

A. Sl6pkr's nepntation as a lady's man had evidently preceded 
him, and winning smiles greeted lus arrival. Upon the threshold, 
a Thing of Beauty put it to A. Slo^sb that there were fees to be 
paid, and delicately intenrooated him relative to his readiness in 
that respect With a feeSng of sadness, A. Slopxb was'ihere- 
foire compelled to intimate that he must have put it into his coat- 
tail pocket inadvertently, and without reflection, and that it had 
possibly gone through a hole. 

This seemed to puc the Thing of Beauty a little out, and she 
produced her own porte-monnaie to meet the pressing emer- 
gency with only partial enthusiasm. Meanwhile deafening 
cheers were ringing in the interior of the edifice, and the cry 



was, "Let Slopeb enter! Give him a push!"' Then, as he 
gracefully advanced, the inspiriting air of *' See the Conquering 
Hero Comes ! " was whistled in a whisper by a young lad^ in a 

back row. A Galuy of 
gals theoT floated around 
A. Slcpeb. and gently took 
him by the hands, whilst 
others Relieved him (after a 
brief but violent strugrie) 
of \uk hat and umbroUa; 
and a Thing of Superlative 
Beauty— the P. W.. 0. T., 
as he afterwards ascMtaiasd 
—-bade him mske himself at 
home and prepare for the 




Tbb Gebbmomt. 



the one and only member 
of his sex who had been 
admitted within the sacred 
precincts of that lodge ; and 
another sister added, " Tou 
also shall be the first and 
last." 

A third sister then eb* 
served, "You have been a 
sad man in your time^is it 
not so, Sixypsaf — and yon 
have carried on dreadfully ! " 
(Here Slopxb blushed be- 
hind his glove.) '*Tou are 
in the habit of plunging into 
the giddy vortex — is it not 
so, SLOPs&?-*andyou are a flighty male person ! Pray, have 
yon ever seriously reflected upon your duty as a man ? Having 
now sworn off, yon will naturally save money. Have you ever 
contemplated matrimony ? " 

Upon hearing this question, A. Slopeb's heart sank into hi-i 
boots, and his knees smote together, and at the same moment 
there came a great ban^^ at the outer door. 

Then a weU-known voice was heard inquiring for that " ram- 
paging ole waggibone ! " * * # # 

Slopeb, Scarified Moralist. 
P.S.~8ee ** Slopeb's Ealendar for 1877," for rites and cere- 
monies in use. by Teetotal Societies. The darkest secrets of the 
Order revealed by A. Slopxb in his " Kalendar for 1877," price 
only One Penny. 



THE ONLY JONES. 
(With the kind PermissUm of all the other Joneses.) 
Tbb weaker has been warm, Hon'rM Ma*am. It required some ** love of 
art for art's sake *' to thoroughly enjoy yoaxself in the upper gallery of 
the opera one or two evenings last week. Mile. Biatbiob and her 
wonderfully olever and oompaet eompany have oome back to us at this 
melting time, and really their entertainment ahouM tempt you, if any- 
thing does. Bat why does not Mile. Biatbiob Sna some London house 
daring the season ? She would find it pay her well, I am sure. 

Thx 0. J. 

The Book of the Secuon. — Drnny 8vo, llluitrated Wrapper in 
Colonn, by Adblaidk Claxton, post free. Is, 2ld, " THERE 
AND BACK," One Shilling. Containing some hundreds of 
Oomie Pictures , To be had of all Booksellers and Newsagents ; 
at all Railway Bookstalls ; and at "Jvdy" Office, 78, Fleet 
Street, E.G. 



SHOUT MEMS. FOE SHOET MEM0EIE8. 

• • 

Wantbb to Know.— Is the seat of war anything to do with 
the stool of repentance ? Perhaps the very little Powers who 
have persisted in breaking the peace of Borope may find ont 
before long. 

A GOMFXOTION MUCH IN FaVOUB AT WrMBLXDON THIS YXAB — 

Bollseyes. [*' Some splendid scores have been made to-day, the 
highest possible nnmber of points having been reached in more 
than one case."] 

• • 

What wx ark oomimo to. — The introdnciion of female clerks 
into the goods offices of the London and North- Western Rail- 
way, at Birmingham, has proved so snccessfnl that the dureotors 



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JUDY, OB THE LONI>ON SfeRIO-OOmC JOURNAL. [Ju^t 19, 1876. 



SUBURBAN ENGLISH. 
Htavy Swett {he JUm taken Aldermavi't Davghter down to Dinner^ and tihe has juit guiKed at him with a senfence which he iahee to be, ** Don!t 
you think 1 get prettpt") Wkll^ah, kballt, mt dbab Miss— ah, Naturi has albkadt aooomplishvd so MaoH, that thiu—thxbi 

OAKHOT Bit BOOH 

Miss. •■ Oh» 4K> *i.oho» tov Absurd Kav! Toir khow tbrt will what I nAir. I xbav 'laHOATB, whbbb I Lite. 



have been indneed to try the experiment in other large centres 
of traffic. Female engine-drivers and stokers will he the next 
step of coarse. * 

• • 
HtLOH THE CdMifON^ — A report annonnoc*^ that *' The shooting 
was not yerj good to-daj, many of the marltsnien being affected 
by mirage." Mirage, or seeing double, is not an unnsnal form 
of affection in Town, bat when it begins to preyail at Wimble- 
don, things look rather serioas. 

• 

Railway Mem. — Ck>ntradiotory as it may appear, it is not at 
all uncommon for composite carriages to be lighted with oil 
lamps; ' ' 

An Omission. — ^A member of the Salford Town Council has 
been making himself famons. Urging the desirability of pur- 
chasing or leasing some baths, he said, *',The people at present 
had cbmi^ulsory education, compulsory yaccination, and he did 
not see why they should not have compulsory ' bathation,' fol- 
lowed up with compulsory cremation.^' This genUeman's views 
should commend him to the favourable notice of Sir Hbnrt 
Thompson, only that the summary quoted makes the burning 



follow on the bath, without the formality of letting the sabject 
die first . . . 

WiMBLsnoN Mbm.'— Appropriate Amusement fas Volunteer 
Marksmien— Wiping off old sfoores. 

• • 

"Oub Own Corbbspondbnt " At tt aoain.— A report from 
Constantinople tells us that "the new Sultan is at present 
leading a very quiet life. He spends the greater part of his 
time at Yildis Kiosk (the Palace of the Stars), where the 
Ministers transact business with him, and where, in the hot but 
delicious evenings, he, his mother, his wife/ and his children, 
wander about the gardens in the moonlight." Tiiis is a beau- 
tiful picture; and, to cotaplete it, you may imagine the nurse- 
maid with a perambulator (the Sultan is a young man) bringing 
up the rear with the last new baby. 

• 

• • 

Vbbt Likblt.— It is announced that '* The Senior Torpedo 
Class, about to assemble at Portsmouth, will comprise upwards 
of fi% officers of all ranks, amongst whom are a • consiaerable 
number of post-captains." Will some one let us- know what a 
*' senior torpedo " is ? Perhaps, by the bye, it is the one which 
goes off first. 



PUBEISGLUBLEI! 
1 1 1 BEFBESHING 



GADBURV'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



CAUTTOK 
"If Coeoa 
ikUke$i» in 
th4 eup it is 

mueM with 



^omj^EAT-^i 



(5-£^ 






OBUWENtB h TURNED UP NIB 



TBBSE PENS 
Will suit erery hand, 
and can be obtainad 
in 6d. 8c Is. Boxes at 
all 8tatkmer«\ or \ty 
po8tfbr7 or 13 stamps 
from the 

MAKaFAcraasR, 

BlAKIKOBAM. 



Published by ilie ProTJriet'w, at 73, Fleet Street, B.C. Printed by Woodfaxx A Ki.tDKB, Mflford Lane, Strand, W.C— Wkdhwdat, July 19, 1878^ 



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JtJDY. OB THE LQlirDON SERlp^OMlC JOU^AL. [Jtot 26, 1876. 



applied to a snooze, that is to say. Why, there's the ]%|t stvtke d tii* 
hoar only going now / 

''Eh? Ob, bath gutfo ready, is it? Thermometer 80* ontade 

the tvindow, ie it ? The dooie ! Then, look here, Pabsovs, I'll hare some 
weak tea, not eoffee. And — let's see? Ye-es. You can make me one 

of thcae omelettes-^the General's redpe, yon know And, look here, 

FiLKsoKP, rillook at those letters in my bath That's right And, I 

eay, FARscxfli jut make np my mind for me, will yon, aboat the best 
* bags ' and shoes for tiie sort of day it is outside— yoa knoiw, don't jou 
know ? — and get 'em ovi ready." ' ' ' 

Hcfectian {in my h«Uh).^?hew ! Why, the water's absohtely tepid ! 
Why shouldn't one ice one's bath-water like one's soda-water ? Good 1 

Mem. — To tell Faksoxs to tell some, one to do it 

Now for these ooalounded letters, c<mfoand 'em ! 

RtfiectwM (on gaiAtg upon them repoiing gracrfuUy on the edge of my 
bcuh). —Wonder wko il^y're from ? 

Wonder what they're about t 



RejUduin {ajutr medHoilumy—lX really U too bad, this sort of thing, 
I will not U bustled up and worrited about by Badgibs, or Southdowhs 

or SovPMBSES ! Dash me if I win I As if there weren't more yachts 

in the world than Souppbbs ' 1 As if Oh, doose take 'em all round ! 

Why can't people mind their own bnaiBess, and leaye other people alone ? 

I'ye too much on my mind aow. Hang it! Dash 'em all round ! ! 

Bother Ml 

B^ctim {tifier a comforting "peg" of dry ciirapoa).— Sposing I do 
put up with a biscuit for lunch, then kow about IHnner I 



Wonder whether tb^ aire 
80 doosid "Immediate," and 
beastly **^PireB8ing"? 

Wonder whether they won't 
keep till breakfast? Won- 
der ? 

Halloo ! Why, where the 

dooee now has my biggest sponge 

of all got to? Just like the 

brute. Just when I want him, 

and in this helpless primitive 

state Oh, confound it all I 

♦ . • • • 

11.45 A.iL--/« my tittmg- 
room—atbrea^fatt, Rifieaion 
{after tasting tea), — Hang Far- 
so^s ! He really is the most- 
literal chap I ever did meet 
with — liteiillyso. I told him 
to make it Weak. Well, he 
has/// 

Refiection (after taJUng cover 
off omelette), — Wonder, now, 
whether I couldn't manage an 
egg after this ? I don't believe 
I really ever knew a fellow who 
made such doosid diminutive 
omelettes as this fellow Faa- 

EOKS ? 

N.B. — Ferhaps I'm better 
without one, though. 

Reflection (after omelette). — 
Wonder whether I am, though ? 



Tvo P.M., ttill in my ntting- 
room, vfith daily paper — easiest 
easy- chair. Reflection (on hear- 
ing a certain sound break '* the 
silencereigning around,") Bless 
me ! Why— riw o*eloek I Oh, 
dash it ! Hang these newspapers I 
I do wish people wouldn*t go 
poisoning themselves and getting 
tried, and then getting their 
confounded trials put in the 
papers, wasting other respect- 
able people's time I Why, I've 
not even yet thought what I'm 
to have for lunch. ' ~ 

N.B. — Wonder whether Farsoks has thought ? 

Reflection (on uting a certain object on mantelpiece). ^How I do 
wonder whether that date-stand is right ? Wonder whether Far6<»i8 has 
given it a torn or two too mueh? Who the doose could have thought the 
days could go on cutting away like this ? I don't believe it can be the 
25th of July ! Why, by rights 1 ought to be Out of Town now. Let's 
see now, didn't I promise Mrs. Southdown to go down to her place in 
Wales about this time? Why, p'raps thiit's what the ''Immxdiatr" 

letter's about. F'lape I had better see ! On second thoughts, though, 

pVapsI'd better not Eh? Good again I Let's pretend it never 

came / , 

N.B. — ^What a nuisance people are writing to people ! / don't want to 
go to your Mrs. fiouvsnowiis, and have to play lawn tennis with the four 

long and strong Mifses Souibdowhs tilll'm ready to drop Then there's 

that fellow Jaci^ ScuPPibs too ! ' I rather believed I promised to go to 
Byde with him in his yacht Fraps that's the '* Fressing " letter. 

Reflection {inpromptu).»-lAVu pretend (kat^ too, never came. If I 
don't open 'em 1 can't read 'em, and, if I don't read 'em, I can swear I 
BiKra't"kiif>w, cafirv*^ f Good ! 



CHARITY. 

Thie is pleasant for Smithsoh ! Me is at Church at the Seaside, and 
there is a Collection^ of course, and he has put something in the Plate 
with a dash without looking, and now he is calculating like a couple of 
CocKKRS, to try and find out whether it was the Shilling he meant to give 
or the Sovereign he didn*t, *\The man did'Jook awfully surprised / '» 
says Mrs. S. 



Q'' IN THE CORNER. 

I HATK heard t^ere is a probability of a new party being orgpmised aezt 
session, to consist of vMr. Biogar, Mr. E. Jxmkiiis, Mr. CuAMBB^fiOir, 
Mr. AsniRSov, and Kr. EnsALTt The political committee Is to be 
composed of Mr* Krmealt. The party is to be called the party of good 
taste. • ♦ ♦ ♦ - • *^ V . 
A Oodrmisaion h^^ been ap- 
pointed i6 inquire into the e£fect 
of noxious goeca emitted from 
manufactoritt. '^ver at Lam- 
beth, under the shadow of the 
Archieplaoopal I^lace, two pot- 
teries, I am told, periodically 
inundate ' the neighbourhood 
with what is known as '*the 
Lambeth fog," and the noiious 
lumes are considered by the 
natives as ** rather h^thy 
than otherwise." It is to be 
hoped the labours of the newly- 
appointed Oommission will en- 
lighten ^e darkness of thia 
b^iighted region. 



I haye often thought there 
ought to be a Oommission to in- 
quire into the effect of noxious 
noises as well as of noxious 
fumes. Bailway whistles, organ- 
grinders, night dogs^ fowls, and 
milkmen form quite as serious 
a nuisance to many people vilB 
noxious fumes. The ear should 
be protected from assault as 
well as the taste and smelL 
As to dogs, I am glad to hear 
that a gentleman in the west 
of London is effectually ad- 
dressing himWf to the canine 
nuisance in his neighbourhood. 
Without wishing to be regarded 
as an accessory before the fact, 
I should Kke to ask, Is there 
nobody prepared to exhibit a 
«imUar interest in the milk- 
man ? Why he should, wake 
me at six o clock in the morn- 
ing, because he wishes to Jet 
hims^ kuow he is gettJiBg an 
honest living, I fail to perceive. 
Then there is the cock by night 
and the organ-grinder by day. 
Will nobody volunteer in a cru- 
sade against these ? Q. 



THE •* EXFL081VES ACT." 

Ih deference to public opinion, and for the sake of the safely and 
welfare of the public at large, JuDi begs to announce that on and after 
Tuetday, the 25th instant, the office at 73, Fleet Street will be open daily 
from ten till five, for inspection or discovery of all explosive matters. 

The public is further informed that this publication (not being a Maga- 
zine within the meaning of the Act) contains nothing likely to cauie any 
more serious explosions than roars of laughter. 

The amount of powder now in store in the sanctum sanctorum of the 
Ever Young and Lovely is not calculated to do any more seiious injury 
than, during the hot weather, of possibly going off with a little puff. 

In conclusion, the police are informed Oiat squibs are only kept in a 
damp state in one of the printers' wet sheets. 

All jokes apprehended on the premises will be dealt with accord ing to 
kiw. Bi* Oki^br. 



What the Feople who let Loose 
have to contend with — Muzzle-men. 



'the Dogs of War" very properly 



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JUDY. OB THE LONDON SEEIOJ 



THE SCHOOL "BOAR 

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OlIIC JOURNAL.— JoiT 20, 1876. 



D" OF THE FUTURE. 



r j_ V. : A »•.» -- - .- *» - >^ _^»-. •» ^ ^T ^ La^ ..^^.<L^..l.iu> a4^4^ ^^ ^#W« 



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I 

i 



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jwa 86,1876.3 JTJDY,.QB TgE LOKDOW «EBJlO<3PMlG JOUBNAL. 

HOW CERTAIN UOQAUTIES GfT THCIR tl/kMfi9.-No. «/ 



"l49 



1. BozMOKx.— It !■ not widely under- 
fltood tmut Bozmore fi BO named beoauae 
Othello, in hie Ix^ylah days, was taoi^t 
here *' the cfrcmnstsnoe of glorioos war.** 



2. Bkifton.— The skipping rope first came Into fuhion here. 8. FnnnB.—7^ram the sim^fiMt that pinsfoieswisre 

' This recreation was not then, as now. confined to ]uTenalit7. cl««'«aed hy an old noble who resided here, not aaa n 
AMum couraiuuu WHB nuv bowi, u iww, wimiwu wi juTouimi^, ^y^© of infantOe dress. but as abadffeof Royalty, 
^t to penons of mature age, like unto the link of th^ present SSlSe eif^XnSi^MtSlapat^ 
ay. monarch, was thoogfat so ludieroas, thsft the kingde- 

dared they should onl^ be worn by ehlklren, allowing^ 
however, the inTsntor to wear one himself. 



4. EoRiJC.— When the first genersl election of 
t3M flourishing Borough of Staines took place, 
the hustlDgs were ereoted here, and the candi- 
dates reoelTed " such a doing ** with rotten eggs, 
that it has been called Sgs^em or Sgham to this 
day. 



6. Baloombx.— Twas here that the notorious Captain 
KiDD was overtaken by the reysDue officers with a cask of 
contraband Lome 'Whisky, he ud successfully landed at 
Brighthelmstone. ThecaptaiTi, tpneto his name, on seeing he 
was pursued, devised a p'an to baulk 'on. He Immediately 
disguised himself as a stump orator, mounted the cask, and 
held forth to the populace. The r^M took— he escaped, but 
only to be ducked in the nearest horse-pond by the people 
for his strong laoguage. 



6. CkWKsTowN.— The idea of the School of Cook- 
ery did not oriffioate at South Kensington, for it 
is well known that Cookstown received im title 
from the fact that the first school of cookery was 
started here. The success of the enterprise was 
so great, that within one week of its opening, 
every lady in this torlving Irish town coxud cook 
an egg to perfectioib-with an.egg-boiler. 



THE LADTE'S PEESENTIMENT: 

After Batlbt (some time afitt him, in fact). 

A Ladts at her mliror sat, 

Her hand upon her brow — 
Sat gazing on her comely faoe. 

Ay, comely even now. 
But why that sadden startled bok. 

Half doubt and half despair? 
Alas ! as she admired herself. 

She saw— her first grey hair ! 

The Ladye at her mirror sat, 

All silently and sad, 
And look'd upon that tell-tale hair 

Till she was almost mad. 
Then blessed tears oame to her eyes, 

And trickled down her eheek; 
Bat not a word fell from her tongae : 

She had no power to speak. 

Begarding thos her plaits and bands, 

What Ihooghts did they recall ! 
How oft her maid had " done them ap ** 

For party or for ball ! 
How oft on them her hosband's hand 

He tenderly woold lay. 
And fihe*d reply, in dulcet tones, 

«* Oh, Aljbbd, go away ! '* 



Once more she felt her aH>ther's touch 

Upon her flowing lodi. 
In that sweet childish Long- Ago 

When still she wore short frocks , 
Her faKothexB, too, that hair had pull'd. 

And made hec scream with pain ; 
Ob, how she, in her artless way. 

Would hit them back again ! 

And now, there was her first grey hair !. 
' Ah, think it not a crime 
That she should weep a$ she beheld 

Tliat footprint of Old Time ! 
She fear'd that all her hair would turn 

That colour by and by. 
And in her grief the Xiadye cried, 
** Oh, Alfred, I shall dtb ! ! ! 

[And djft slu did, turely mtmffh, tht very tusbi da^. Tkt 
moti foMhionaJblt tini of couth loat the one ulected. 



What we may all Expkct to Meet wixa nuBiNe zhb Hoi 
Weathbb. — Warm friends. 

Imjobmation fob Those who do not Ejiow. — The Com- 
mittee appointed to consider why silver was so cheap have made 
their report, which is full of interest. But it is a mistake to 
suppose that on account of the pkntifulness of the material you 
can get a threepenny-piece for twopence halfpenny. For that 
sum, however, you can haTe Judy's priceless paper, post ficee. 
That should be some consolation. 



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JUDT, OR THE LONDON SBBIO-OOMIO JOURNAL. [ Jrax 26, 1876. 



NURSERY MORALS. No. 7.-^On Love at a PasdoiL 



Thi paarion of lore is rery profterlj excluded from tlie inbjeete die- 
cneted in the bat regulated nimariei. Indeed, in hoiuiehdldt where the 
yoong Udy's material baa reached a oertain height and breadth and fall- 
neai^ the lore that has any partiealar amonnt of ^aasion in it ii not the 
one diiOQMMd. And I think it right thai it ihoold not be. 

Writing aa I do exdurirely for female babes (or rather I shonld say 
yonng hAj babes, because a jonng lady babe ought not to be call^ a 
female, and would with reason feel annoyed at being called one), I am 
anxious to do away 
with the pasmonate 
love-fiction altogether. 
Of eourse I know I 
have only to ezpUin 
the thing properly, in 
my own particular 
way, and the thing > 
will at once be done 
away with ; and surely 
it is my duty to do so 
when, by doing so, I 
know I ahall do good. 

The Fairy T^e-book 
Prince— « creature of 
the male species^ with 
long atockinga and a 
feather in bis cap—as 
a rule with a much 
thinner leg than the 
Prince in the Faiiy 
Tale which baa been 
put into fc dramatic 
form, and ii not unfre- 
qaently one of a row 
of Princea who, when 
the lege are uncrossed, 
are perhapa a trifle in- 
kneed— the Fairy Tale- 
Book Prince, I aay, is 
given to falling in love 
with unknown Prin- 
cesses at first sight, 
and doing deeds of 
valour againjit giants, 
dragons, and other un- 
fortunate monstrosi- 
lies, apparently only 
bom to be killed by 
Fairy-Tale-Book he- 
roes. Though a mon- 
ster (of iniquity) my- 
self, I thank Heaven 
I am utterly insignifi- 
cant and in hardly any- 
body*a way— certainly 
not a Prince'a I But I 
waa going on to aay, 
that the love-wounda 
of theae noisy young 
impostors are of the 
shallowest character — 
scaroelyskin-deep ; and 
you may hare observed 
that they invariably 
pull it off and marry 
and liTe happy ever 
afterwards when their 
brief term of probation 
haa expired.* 

The feUowa donbt- 
leaa read Fairy Tale Booka themaelvea (there were no newapapers and 
BnATO oaaes to apeiJk: of at that period), and they naturally felt quite 
aure of themaelvea and their ultimate fcJidty. That they married then 
we may take it for granted ; bnt I have alwaya cheridied a kind of 
fieodiah hope that the ** happy ever afterwarda ** waa a form of apeeeh the 
ohromden fell into, not wiahing to poraue the atoiy (already too mneh 
apun out) any further. 

In real Hfe, what a little of paaaion ia there about the lovea of good 
Wm Sxmi and exemplary Mr. JiHuna, the ordinary young middle-claaa 
loveral Biatux Smitb it in her teens, and natarally fair— fair, with 
that monay kind of drab which is nature's own, and with no eyelaahea to 
apeak of; whUat Albbbt Alokrhov Juruna ia dark and annbnmt, 
capable ol a breadth of whisker, bat cultivating only the little lamb- 



chop arrangement whieh eame into fashion when a oertain royal personage 
began to grow hair on his face, and oould not grow a great deal Hia 
Boyal Highneaa has now a splendid beard, but the men of Jwnm'n 
stamp stick to the kmb-chop notion, albeit they mean quite loyally. 

Miss's father works hard, poor maul Let us say he is a promoter, or 
follows some other laborious bosineis, almost all loss. He goes daily to the 
city per "express" omnibus, and doaa his little vilUnies, and occasion- 
ally brings hom9 a lump of fish |in a bass, or a pine or melon, 

when company Im ex- 
pected. He married 
early, and now Mrs. 
Smithsov is a full- 
blown beauty, with a 
dozen children and a 
world of her own 
quite apart from 
Sjiith80n*8 world. 
She ii not unkind to 
SxxXHSoir, however. 
During the time he ia 
with her ahe even goes 
out of her way a good 
deal to pay him Uttle 
attentions, and he Uvea 
and dies, good man, 
undisturbed in lus 
beliefs, never for a mo- 
ment suspecting that 
he was not really her 
lord and master, as he 
thought, but that she 
had rather a contempt 
for him sometimes, 
when she had time to 
think about it. 

The SMiTHSoirs live 
in a handsome fashion 
in one of the suburbs, 
and the bold Jbvkih- 
SON is rising in his 
profession, and an eli- 
gible lot at the dis- 
poiud of mothers with 
families rather over- 
pettiooated. Well, they 
fall in love as a matter 
of course— perhaps be- 
cause they are told to, 
perhaps becauseneither 
have much experience 
of anything else of this 
kind. They love one 
another very much in- 
deed at fixed hour% 
and, fdi'en the proper 
time oomea the wed- 
ding is really a very 
pretty one, and every- 
body allowa old 
Smzthsov oould not 
very well have dona 
the thing better. And 
I believe thai the 
young people now^ 
though they have been 
married a decade, do 
not object to one an- 
other at all unnanaUy. 
Bnt thia bringa me 
io the aubjeot of our illustration. Ton have here if you pleaae, a Prineeaa 
whose parenta wanted to marry her againat her wilL She madly loved 
some propoeterous male quite out of the question, and, broken-hearted, 
fled the paternal roof with the intention (A buying herself In a thid^ wood. 
The idea waa no sooner conceived than carried out— as £yr as the flying 
waa oonoemed ; and, flinging heraelf at the roota of a tree, ahe wept 
bitteriy. After awhile, however, ahe left off erying, and began to feel 
hungry. I have noticed that myaelf after an unhappy love affiur. 
Chancing to find a couple of hita of wood hj which ahe oould atrike a 
light — I dare aay the bite of wood are more eadly pidked up than the tridc 
of striking them (abce reading Jobv FinxoEi aa a boy, I have often 
apent a few houra atit nnaueoeBsfally)— ahe ignited a aen^ of pnper ahe had 
about her, which ahe had brought from the Court (it waa half n i 



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151 



programme ftopplied to her by one of the moct eoniteoiiB of acting managers 
aliye), and % few dead leares ; and by a mere accident tumbling oyer an iron 
pot, whicb^^rbape, grew in the forest, she yiade a nice brotb of f ungL 

'Wbibt it was cooldng, however, thonghts of Jiappy days gone by, when 
she ate salt and pepper in her food (her papa was not a bit mean in these 
matters), came e'er her, and a vision of hir father*s hoosehoid— men-at- 
arms gorgeooaly attired, &o. — ^floated before her eyes, whilst a select com- 
pany of frogs — a strolimg band of Batch nightingales sorronnded her, 
and, inspired by her peerless beaaty, made some of the awfollest noises yon 
ever heard QXke oar haman mdatreb do) to get her to gire them something. 

Dear girl, she very propetly got ap and kicked them ; and at the same 



momeivt who shoald come np bat her Prince (the poor one her fomily did 
not approve of), on which she cried, "Oh, Florimel, see what loyely soap 
I have made all by myself, and oat of these simple vegetables whidi the 
ignorant reject as unfit for human food ! Taste/* 

He did. "^It tastes rather queer," he said, and mentally resolved not to 
marry a woman so ignorant of eoekery unless she eame provided with 
money enoagh to keep up a proper establishment. 

In short, they had a row over that broth, and he finished up (man-like, 
you ladies will say) by stalking off in trae tragic style, whilst she— «he 
imprudently went deeper into the dish, and perished in oonseanence nftee 
sevend pains. 



=?=l= 



COUNTY COURT PROCEEDINGS. (Prom a Sloperlaa: Point of Viewj ) 



His Honour. 



DuBiNo the last few days intense exoitement lias prevailed in a 

hitherto tmnqoU neighbourhood. L Moa&s has been aamtnoned 

to the County Court relative to a pair of boots, and A. Slopba has 

had t) tender his testimoiiy thereon. It took s^me ticne to bring 

A. Slopkb to the fore, owing j 

to a Bfttonl tunddity on his 

part with regEurd to the in- 
terior of law courts; but in 

the oaise of friendship it 

shall never be said that he 

is wantiiM. His old and 

esteemed, mend I. Moses led 

A. SLote forth the previous 

eveninglTand regaled him xe- 
gardlesd of expense. ''It's 

aa stng^. as A B C," were 

MoBBs*s narting words :, )' you 

ihorou£Ji3y nndsritaikd ' now 

what joorre got to swear, and 
all you have to do is to stiok 
to it steady." 

A little more regaling then 
took place, and A. Slopbb 
serpentined homewards, and 
knew when he had got there 
by fiilling over the step. Next 
morning, however, a strange 
confusion pervaded Slopbr*s 
mind with regard to the exact 
details, and except that he 
was pretty sure that it was 
the uioemaker suing Moses, 
and not the other waj round, 
he felt vague. 

A peculiarity I. Moses's 
friends may have noticed in ' 
I. Moses is, that while he 
never keeps his own appoint- 
ments, he is most peremptory 
in his demands on the punc- 
tuality of other parties. The \ 
consequence on this occasion 
was that A. Slopeb got to the 
eoort about an hour before I. 
Moses put in an appearance, and hung out his tongue in the tor- 
ments of thirst wholly unallayable; without the little twopence 
A. Slopes naturally expected I. Moses to come provided with. 

However, in this emergency, and at a crisis when A. Slopek 
was be^ning quite seriously to contemplate the use and abuse 
of a drinking fountain the. juvenile population of those parts 
were just then having a jolly lark with, a good Samaritan turned 
up unexpectedly. 

This Samaritan stared hard at A. Sloper, and dived into his 
coat-tail pocket and pulled out an illustrated paper, and gazed at 
it fixedly, and then took stock of A. Slope r with his head on 
one side, and then rusHed over and clutched at him and said, 
*< Ally Slopeb, I think. WiU you come and have a liquor with 
me?" 

Had he used any other words A. Slopeb would probably have 
^^umed him with loozn, but the stranger seem^d^toAinean well ; 
indeed, subsequent events tended -to prove that! he meant four- 
penn'orth. • ^ 

Unbending beneath its influence, A. Slopeb chatted free]|y 
with his new-linuid friend, and told him on what errand he was 



there, and what a canfoundad nuisflpace Moses was, and how un- 
puuotual aud untruthful; at which A. Slopkk's ne^^undfdend 
laughed boisterously, and told A. Slopeb he was an awfully 
funn;^ fdtlow, addiag, '* H^ve another fourpennorth ? " 

Under the influence of the 
bur A. Alopjcb easually 
ned that he (Sxopbb) 
rsonally no interest in 
e in hand, and. had no 
mowledge oC ii than a 
nbom, and that he wur 
o swear himself bllusK 
face in the e&ose M 
hip. At tbis^ i^OM^it 
poked his head infe 
blio and called Slopce 
tying, when he came, 
t the dioke&a were you 
: about with that chap ? 
the shoemaker's at- 



The Plaintiff. 



tomey!*' 

« 



The judge at this parti- 
cular County Court is what 
(if the expression has no con- 
temptin it) A. Slopeb would 
designate as a rum 'un. He 
did not seem to take very 
kindly to A. Slopeb from the 
beginning, and objected to 
A. Slopeb's placing his hat 
and umbrella on the judicial 
desk. A. Slopeb might have 
upset the ink over his 
honour's notes, but there 
was no necessity for any 
unpleasantness. 

The bootmaker, A. Slopeb 
begs to state without reser- 
vation, was a hideously dia- 
bolical perjurer, but with a 
truthful look which seemed 
to carry all before him. 
His honour, who went to 
sleep accidentally during his statements, woke up ai^d said, 
*' Quite so ; a very bad case indeed.'*' ^ 

The next incident of any importance was the cross-examination 
of A. Slopeb by a fiend in hiAnan form in a wig. The way this 
party laid traps for A. Slopeb, and had A. Slopstb alive witiii 
Uttle surprises, nobody would credit. 

The judge said, "Take care, sir, what you are about, or Til 
commit you.' 

^ Don't trouble yourself, sir," said A. Slopxb; ''leave him 
alone, and he'll commit himself direetly." 
The judge said, " i mean you, sii^ ! " 
" Oh !" siud Slopeb, who found it getting^rather hot 
Then several said *' Stand down," and the crier and Slopeb 
got pushing one another in the passage, but afterwards went 
round the comer for drinks, when A. Slopeb tossed the ciier 
with his lucky halfpenny, and came off triumphant. 

About thia time Mosss came forth like a raging lion seeking 
whom he might devour, and called Slopes bad names. It 
appeared subsequently that Mobes had lost the day, and felt 
annoyed. A. Slopbb, however, did not desert his old friend. 



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JUDY, OR THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOUBNAL. [Jolt 26, 1876. 



ge iWerrte 3t^tt. 



S. Hont Ifl fe Merrie Jeste I Kxu>eklng a rMrukr 
rattarUtat at old Mrs. Lotibovd's in the mldoaa of 
the night, and then running away like anything I 



4 After all, though, one Kad Wag raagMfeed to 
the other it might be a Merrier Jeete etiUto knodk 
up old Doctor Cbump, and tell him Mrs. Lotibom d 
wasted him most particular. Then Mn. IiOTt- 
BOVD, hearing another knook "Ha, hat , 



S Thia Is the hUl they ranup (only three-quarters of 
a mile). Mis. Loyiboiid slept in the back parlour, so 
she had not very far to ccHne, it is true. But 'twas a 
Merrie Jeste! . 



1. Here you have two Mad Wags (the 
Maddest wags on all the country side), 
who are right on for a Merrie Jeitt^. 



5. Now Dr. CftQifP hated to be disturbed in Hie 
middle of the night. However, he went, and Mrs. 
LoviBOND, natunlly supposfaig that it was the 

Mad Wa^s again ! Tea, yerily, 'twas a xl^ 

Merrie Jeste! 



but. on the Contrary, hong on like grim death, and spoke feel- 
iDglj of dinner-time. 
M08B8 ia a ahabby aneak 1 

Slopkb, Mordliit (^with a void). 

pEBSONS INTBNDIKG TO GO TO tHB SBA SIDB wUl do a great 
•^ deal better by pnreluuriDg Jodt's Ghrand Seaside Double Nomber, 
which wUl be pabliihed next week, price Twopence. It is generally 
allowed (pertioalarly by parenta who pay the ezpenaes) tbat the seaside is 
a mistake. Farente canno^ do better than pnrchaae and distribate freely 
oopiei of Judy's Grand Seaside Doable Number among their friends. 
Older hundreds at once ! This ii more for your benefit than Judt'b. 

WUneUf A. Slopkb. 



SHOBT MEMS. FOB SHOBT MEMOBIES. 

QuBBT fOB Wkst-ekd Drx8smakbb8« — Is the Bojal Mail 
necessarily n *' Gonrt train? " 

• • 

PuzzLno Conduct. — The petition of Mr. Whallbt, M.P. 
for PeterbovoQgh, aakiDg the Ghovemment to provide a man-of- 
war for the aeoommodaUon of members who desired to yisit the 
Philadelphia Exhibition *< has," it is asserted, " been nnsnooess- 
fiil." Not mnoh to be wondered at, either. Bat what is snr- 



prising is this, that Mr. Whallbt shonld want to go all the way 
to Philadelphia for an exhibition, when he has so often made one 
of himselt 

• 

• • . ■- , 

" PaoDioTous r— A scheme for nniting the British Channel 
with the Mediterranean by a system of canals is serioosly 
enfraging the merchants of France, and has been brought before 
the Ministers of Finance and Pablio Works. It ia estimated 
that the work could be aocompliahed in six. years, and woiUd 
coat about £3.500.000. «" The onlr difficulty." it is added, with 

charming aimplioity, '* is where the money is to come from." 

• 

Fbom thb Black Coumtbt. — ^The gentlemen who do^na the. 
honour to dig up our coal have been very quiet l^oly upon the 
question of wages, hut the late difficulties have left. traces of 
suspicion in the minds of the mine-owners. Even now ^e hear 
that no miner ia allowed to work in a coal-mine unless he ibst 
of all " takes his Dary." 

• • 

Stbanob Bbsult or thb Hot Wbatsbb.— Among other 
effects of the recent great rise in the temperature, it may be 
noticed that a number of persons who are at . other times meat 
exclusiTe in their habits, now seem to affect all kinds of ** shady " 
plaoea. 



pure! soluble ii 
1 1 1 befbeshing 



CADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



ziurrow, 

"If Coeoa 

KUktnt in 

tarek. 



IRCULAR 
POINTED 



PENS 



rtbaee Vmt nJim i 



idBaapleBaaenda 



mm 



Pabttdiedby the PMprietcr, at 7S, VIett Btrett, B.O. Printed Iqr Woodtall A Knmaa, MOfoid Lmm^ Stnad, W.a— WamravAT, July 96, 1S76L 



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AiTGTiBT 2, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOUBNAL. 153 



I ' '■' ■■ . ^' ' . ■ '■ I 



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154 



JTJDT, OE THE LONDON SEEI0430MIC JOUENAL. [Auoxtbt 2, 1876. 



ALL THE DIFFERENCE! 

There %oas a time vfhen Lkovora would have perished rath^ than wear thoee natty, horrid unbecoming Sand'$hoa» But that woe before Ae 
became Mrs. Dovktubtle. It dote not to muck tignify vow. 



THE BLIGHTED BELIBVEB. 
A Terrible Tale of a Broadstairs Baihi&g-Maohiiia. 
Onci upon a time-^^utjr, for instance, aboat the middle of last week — I 
was a Believer in my Species, especially that section of it which is 
feminine in gender. I adored the Sex ; Woman, Lorely Woman, was to 
me a Being made up entirely of Soul — Ethereal, Swan-like, Floating. 
Her golden tresses were bat part of the wealth UiYisbed upon her by 
prodigal Nature, as was her glorious complexion, her wonderfolly high 
instep, her wasp-like waist, her finely-arched eyebrows. Tes, ah, yes, 
She — and espedally my She— was my Ideal of tbe real— a — a — of the 

real thing, in fact Bat what is She now f What, oh what t What is 

She entirely made np of now/— since about tbe middle of last week, that 

is Alas ! alas ! My Dream is o'er ; 'tis fled, and, as the Poet truly 

obsenres — 

" leayee not a wrack behind it." 

(By the way, though, I do wonder what w *' a wraok.") Tee, yei, 
from being a Believer 1 have become a Cynic. "Man delights me not, 
nor Woman either," and, as another Poet even more truly obsenres— 
" O, the dreary, dreary moorland ! O, the barran, barren shore " 

But let me tell my Tale of a Blighted Belierer. 

On the new ever memorable day of Tuesday last, I took the " Cheap 
Fast " morning train to the ** delightful and salubrious " {vide local Ghiide 
Books) town of Broadstairs. I lad two reasons for this. In the first 
place, She— my Adored, and adorable Latinia — was staying there with 
her fi^ and, secondly, my medical man had recommended me *' a little 
change of air and sea-bathing." 

I bad a prospecous journey, and arriyed at "The Albion," externally 
a white-faced, and internally a well-managed and comfortable hotel, look- 
ing down on the little harbour and littler pier, with a fine appetite. My 
Layinia and her Ma were stopping here, and we had a truly festive 
dinner in the snug cofiiBe-room overlooking a trim lawn studded with 
raised stands of scarlet geraniums, and beyond which tbe sea lay dimpling 
in the warm ranshine. 

My Adored was— well, simply adorable. Never had I seen her look so 
bewitching before ; never had those luxuriant tresses of gold looked to 
me 80 luxuriant, io golden^those finely^arched brows to finely arched— 
that charming pink and white complexion to charmingly pink and white. 



" Here," I murmured softly, contemplating her through my third bumper 
of Muxic'fl, whilst " the beaded babbles winkdd at the brim," " Here is, 
indeed, Truth Itself symbolised ; what need< to go to the bottom of wells 
for the article when here, here is the Real Thino ! " 

At breakfast the next morning I announced an obligation to my Adored 
I had of taking the train to Bamsgate, to there call upon a friend. My 
Adored threw no obstacle in my way ; in fact, I was somewhat surprised 
to see a smile of what really looked almost like gratification come into 
her adorable eyes when I approached the subject. The extreme anxiety, 
however. She showed about the exact time I should be back again in 
Broadstairs quite counterbalanced any doubts I might have entertained ; 
She was ready, it appeared, to almost count the minutes Cor my return. 
Dearest of Sweetest ones !•♦••• 

Was it Fate, I wonder, that made me just two minutes too late for my 
train to Ramsgate T Ah me ! better, far better, had it been for me to 
have wuted for the next ; to have taken a fly (if there had been one to 
take, which there wasn't) ; or, in fact, taken anything -e'en my now 
miserable life— than to have taken myself quietly back to Broadstairs, 
and to a seat on a bench on the promenade, which litoks down over the 
harbour, and tbe half-dosen or so bathing-machines that are there placed 
for would-be bathers. 

It is a goodish walk from " The AlUon '* to the railway station and 
back, and an uncommon hot one. The bench was hard, but I actually 
dropped off into a dose upon it Was it Fate again, I wonder, that 
caused me to n^e up at that precise moment? And was it Fate that 
made my ejes open upon that one particular bathing-machine out of the 
half-dosen t 

What watUl then $awf 

Could I beliere my eyest Were my visual organs playing me 

tricks! Was I still dozing ? Was it a dream— a hideous nightmare 

bom of that pork chop I had for breakfast T Alas, no ! 

Jt wcu LAYiiriA — my Lavivia — my Adortd / 

It was, and yet it wasn't The Nose— for my Laviria certainly hoe a 
Noee of her own, which she calls " the FamDy Noee," and is rather proud 
of it than otherwise — is the unmistakable Nose of my Adored, but the 
—the— a— rest of the Apparition which my eyes behold bobbing up and 
down in the muddy water of the harbour, can that belong to my Adored ? 
Why, where are the luxuriant golden tresses ? Is it possible those scanty 



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Atoubt 2, 1876.] JTJDY, OB THE LONDON SEBIO-COMIO JOUENAL. 

A SAD WARNING. 



156 



" Lor , Sir I" said Joh» Whiti's 
Landlady, the other morning, "yon 
do look pale and had. Why not go 
down to the Seaside, and get a Ut 
o' Colonr in th' Son I" 



Now, JoHirvT's one ambition 
was to he Snnbomt, and he had 
been told of a *' Preparation " 
which, If put on jadicionsly— » 
So he asked for a week's leare. 



Here he is going in for Colour. 
After a day or so of this sort of 
thing— 



He doe$ flatter himself 
he's improTing; 



And, after a Week's 
Roasting, thinks of re- 
turning to Town. 



Bat his Landlady said he 
was an Impostor, and al- 
luded to the Police, &c. 



He fared no better in the City. 
Bbrtlb & Hash said *^No; we wm*t 
beliere you are Jobv Wbitb 1 " 



That was the "last straw,*' for 
poor JoHfTiiT. He wanders about 
now, and fancies he is the Sun going 
to attend Father Neptune's Funeral ! 
[MoKAL— IVh> muck if a pood thing, dx. 



bits of mouse-coloured Where is the glorionspink and white com- 
plexion T Is it conceiTable tbat-ihat sallow-^— Where are the finely- 
arched eyebrows I There inCt a vetHge of *em / 

♦ "» ♦ •»'• • « 

I take ihis opportunity of thanking the unknown kind-hearted person, 
or i>eiaonsy who conducted me to the railway station that terrible l^esday 

morning I hare nerer seen that — a — Deceiver since in the flesh. I 

don't want to, but I have heard of her. Her solicitor has terred me with 
a notice for Breach of Promise ! 



"WHAT ABE THE WILD WAVES SATING?" 
Or, Xchoes of tha Seaside Seaaon. 

Prom the Spa, Scarborough, 

* * * *,— Te-ee, the Hotel's well enough. Ye-es, really doodd fine 

building doosid good situation docsid good dinner ye-es, dooeid 

lot of doosid good notions about it doosid pretty girls doosid good 

air fine scenery fine walks fiiie goings-on, bat— ha, ha I — fine 

going ojf about the breakfast Eh I Oh, yes, plenty to eat— too much, 

yon know, of the sort, but— well, I shall have to cut it They dorCt 

give you hot bacon with your breaJrfmt. • • * * • *^ 

From Where you like^MtkrgaU, 

* * * *, — What I says, sir, is this, an' I don't mind 'ow often as I 
says it, If you wants a place as 11 set yer up, why, liaigit's the sh<^ for 



it True, we ain't got the use o' the jetty jest now, but then we're got 

the 'All, an' th' 'Sembly Booms, an' th' oyster shops in the 'Igh Street, 

an' th' yes, as yon sayi, an' you ain't got to walk fur for your liquor. 

'Bre's your jolly good 'ealth an' ♦ ♦ • • 

FrnmihePieTj Brighton, 

♦ * • ♦,— WeU, it i$ pretty, is it not I And so awfully glad you Uke 
it, dear. But, reslly, yon know, what ie the good of going in for frocks 

here—I mean, here at this time of year I Gracious, Claba, do look at 

those two aw/iiZ— a— Creatures withthat— a— dreadful -a— Male Thing t 
Just look at the way the blonde one has her dress trimmed ! Brer see 
such a sight ! Ai one might say, '< the most trimmingest girl as erer you 
did see." Talking of trimmings, though, they're now so overdone by 
those sort of people, that you'll find in a rery short time tee shall do 
without them at aU, Take my word for it, Claaa, the Princess robe, 
with a &e^ that is, will be, this time next « • « • • 

From the Sands, Bamsgate. 

• * * *, — Well, Maria, and now you are here, I do hope you're enjoy- 
ing yourself. I do hope you, Maria, at all erents, are feeling the benefit 
of our seaside trip. Ai for me, well, I must say I really am almost in- 
clined to — ahem I — ^beliere I used to find more peace and quiet in our 
little back parlour in Gray's Inn Lane, W.C. But, of course, Maria, bo 
long as you like this— a — a— confi>nnded row, and — a— disgusting ex- 
hibition, and— a — London organs and — a — London niggers and-^ 

a — London cads, and— a— London 1! ! » ♦ ♦ •^ 



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JUDY, OR THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. [Auots* % 1876. 



THE HOBTS AND THE SLOWBTS. 



Mr. and Mrs. Host and Blr. and Mrs. Slowbt had lived next 
door to each other at TitUebat Terrace for more tiban a twelve- 
month. ' ^ I 

Sometimes in the eyeninj;, when Host was smoking^his cigar 
in the garden, Slowbt would say to his wife, — 

" I don't think Host is at all a bad fellow, and if I get the 
cbance I shall speak to him. Hang it» you know, after all, we 
are neighboura*' 

Or, on the other hand, it would happen that Mrs. Slowbt 
would be observed in the garden by Hob t| whe would say to his 
wife, — 

''What a nice little body that Mrs. Slo#At id! I should 
speak to her if I got a chance, my pet. It would be only neigh- 
bourly, you know." ^ ^ , 

But, somehow or other, 
the chance had never 
come; and the Hobts 
and the Slowbts were 
not on speaking terms. 

II. 
The spring came and 
went, the summer fol- 
lowed as per usual, and 
inJhe early autumn the 
Hobts and the Slowbts 
both went out of town. 
It was rather odd, ubder 
the circumstances, thit 
as the HoBYS were mak- 
ing their way bathintf- 
machinewards, on their 
very first day at Sandjr- 
beach, who should they 
meet but their next-door 
neighbours from Tittlebat 
Terrace, coming from the 
opposite direction. 

''Hang it all," Mid 
Slowbt to his Wife, " here 
are the Hobys ! *' 

"Why, confound it," 
said HoBT to his wife, 
" there are the Slowbts ! " 

" Shall we say * How 
de do'?" inquired Mrs. 
Slowbt. 

" Would you say 'Good 
morning ? * " asked Mrs. 
Host. 

But before either of 
the husbands could make 
up his mind, the two 
couples had passed each 
other looking awkwardly 
in opposite directions, and 
the opportunity was once 
more lost 

III. 
As day foUowed day at 
Sandybeacb, which is not a large place, the Hobts and the 
Slowbts naturally saw a good deal of each other. But no 
favourable opportunity of commencing a conversktion seemed to 
occur. Sometimes, when they crossed each other's path, one 
or other of them would be accompanied by friends — and then 
salutation was out of the question. Sometimes it was too eArly, 
sometimes too late. 

" This is getting what I call deuced ridiculous," said Host to 
his wife. 

" It has become quite amusing," said Slowbt to his wife. 

But, nevertheless, the Hobts and the Slowbts were dying to 
speak to each other, and what prevented them from doing so 
goodness only khows. 

IV. 

Onf. morning, when tbe sun was shining his hottest ui Sandy- 



IMPERENCE. 

Boatman, <'^Goino to havb ▲ %ltl this MoRNiva, Sir?** 

Auctioneer (out for a MoUday), '^Salb! Ooinroi^HP Tov, FblloW, nov*^ 

BE PSRSOHAIir' 



t^^.^ ,W».1>^ ..i^ .^»H 



beach ; when the blue waves, which rippled gently to the shore, 
seemed to recede quicker than usual, as if the sands were too 
hot even for them ; when throngs of hap]^y children were bogy 
with spades and buckets, constructing miniature castles, and ex- 
cavating pitfalls for unwary travellers, as though 100 dii^ees of 
heat were the ftivourite temperatul^ of these juvenile innileers ; 
— one morning, the Hobts, sitting in a shady comer bjr tha pier, 
discerned the Slowbts sitting in another shady comer. 

" Look hehl, ^t," said Host to hit wife, "I think we might 
manage H now. Let's saunter by caMlesily, ftnd 1^4 $A SLowBt 
how ha ii. Then you can ohioui in, f oit Mnew^ #ilh MM. 8.—* 
Now!*^ ^ ^ ^ .^ 

The HoBts roee, edld begun the sauntering. Th^ got half- 
way, trhen all at once Host, who was not looking Hhm he wae 
to, stumbled oyer a sand fliountain, which had been oon« 
' with greet kOwur by i number of voungstert early in 

the day; and whfle he 
mi picking himself up, 
imd tnping tiie saAd out 
of Us naic» ibe Slowbts, 
who had not the slightest 
idea of whet #M on fpoi, 
got up end Miked fight 
away. Once more me 
opportunity of acquaint- 
anceship wad gone be- 
tween the fioBtfand th^ 
Slowbts. 

V. 

At the end of a month 
the Hobts returiled home. 
By a kind of eoiheidence 
so did the SLowirs, and 
as the Hobts were leeing 
to the Ubellinff of tlv>ir- 
luggage, behold there 
were the Bt/pfittB on the 
other side of m plat- 
form) 

"TofttMftk Hdttrould 
be absurd," siid Heir to 
his wiib. 

"To fltHke ilp iUi fU^ 
quaintance, aftef ill this 
time, would be too ridicu- 
lous/' iaid BtowAf toto 
wife. 

And eo ihey went baok 
to towh in ditferent car- 
riages, anxious to become 
friends, unacquainted with 
any r^kson why the^ 
should be otherwiee, but 
each still sh rinlring from 
the first advance, in a 
manner to be found in 
more places than Tittle- 
bat Terrace, and oharac- 
teristio of viore English- 
men and Engliihwomeii 
than the Hobts toid the 

SLOWil^TS. 



HOMOOLOGY. 

When Gladstoitb's oall'd from Homir*8 page. 
He flies in sneh a fearful rage, 

It's dangerous to ipeak to him ; 
Politically in dit^gracef— 
He cannot b^ar to inhH dhldee 

That'll literallj Greek to khn. 



A Bit of our Mind— No bearing reins ! 

Tn^ Fat of the Land (£rom an Alderman's Point of View) — Greeh 
tartle. 
Tub Besalt of the Bton and Harrow Cricket Ifatoli— A great crowd. 
The Use of the Cat — Vide Judt's tiade nark. 
Small Bojres— Bahpes at Wimbledon. 
A Lasv Home for Lost Dogs^Barkiag Creek. 



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JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEBl 



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DOMIC JOUBNAL— Av«vn 2, 1876. 




GE ON THE SEA COAST. 






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Air^uBT 2, 1876.] JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEIttO-OOMIO JOUENAL. 
WU M PSY SUPER. (From a Slopeilaa Point of View.) 



161 



Thbouohout a loog and tolerably spotless la&i ^ blush of 
shame has rarely iMd occasion to visit th# JMoUlik cheek of 
A. Slofbb! lUaeons have been given for ttis reflecting on 
A. Slofbb*s moral character, but let that pasi. Slopsb's motto 
is, " Livjd and let Live/* and he is prepared to open. a loan-office 
npon those principles to-morrow, 
if anv capitalist feels inclined to 
join him : — ^the capitalist to find 
the capital against Slofbb's con- 
nection. 

However, let bygoten remain 
so. On this occasion A. Slopbe's 
oheeki are sofinsed wii^ a crim- 
son hue, which also extends to 
adjacent localities. A. Slopbb is 
blushing all over: his head and 
ears are something awM. 

Is it for himself A. Slopbb 
blushes ? No. Tis for another I 

It may be remembered a 
humorist of his acquaintance, a 
week or two ago put A. Slopeb 
on to Wnmpsy as a nice Sunday 
walk. Judt's valued contributor 
has since then been put on to 
Wumpsy Super as a pleasant 
place to spend a week at. 

The nature of Judt^s valued 
contributor is similar to that of 
the HeiJtthen Chinee — childlike 
and bland, and experience has little or no effect upon him. This 
may acoount for the same party talpng A. Slopbh in twi<M riin- 
ning. But the worm may turn, and in that cftse it may M baa 
for certain parties. A joke is a joke. 

Lunatics and others desirous of revelling ai Wumpey Super 
should take the train to 
Shuffleton Junction, and 
change for Piper's Gray 
when they get a chance. 
The porters at ShuMeton 
ere a cheerful class of young 
fellow, and amused them- 
selves very much indeed at 
A. Slopbb's expense. They 
had that venerable Uttsra- 
Umr down one flight of steps 
and along a passage and up 
^ another, and then called out 
to him to come back, and 
look sharp about it, if he did 
not want to be left behind; 
and then, when A. Six>pxb 
came up, panting, some one 
said, /' Wluit a shame, mak- 
ing the poor old gentleman 
run so, when there's half an 
hour to wait I " This is a 
sample of the notion of wit 
and humour now prevalent 
at Shu^eton. 

Piper's Gray is a pleasant 
place, and nice and open. It i 
ilihabitant being the north-ea 
manency. The porter, who r 
arrival, was uneasy in his m 
that it was on account of his 
week it was, It i^pesred that 
on certain days, and it is as w 
of the signals and things. 

A. SiiOPBB inquired for Pip^ 
didn't r^htly know what a < 
certain, so Slopbb did with 
8iu>er« 

The porter said there were two roads to Wump^F* and it all 
de^etUlid which 6ne you took, though he regrettea he wasn't 



np One Hfflt 



Down AaothArtl 



sure which it was you ought to take. A. Sioraft naturally took 
the wrong one. 

Thm urd hills between Piper's Cray and Wnmpsy Super- 
several of thte. A. Slopeb did not oount^ but they were 
numerouii, Hsf d there is no shade at all It was a niaa Warm day 

—the sort of one people get 
sunstroke on. About half way 
A. Slopbb met a nativa boy, and 
asked him how far it was to 
Wumpsy Super. He said he did 
not knc#. Slopbb asked him 
where htf hi^ ^^6 lironi hklself, 
and he said Piper's Cray.^ This 
rattier shook Slop]^ He couldn't 
quite make out how the native boy 
could be coming from the same 
place he had come from and meet 
him (Slopbb), and he pressed for 
an explanation. The native boy 
pulled fiBMes at A. Slopbb, and 
retired, after a brief aoufle, which 
made Junr'ft faltied contributor 
rather hot, and loosened hii collar 
at the back. Alio a f ourpenny 
piece wis dropped from Slopbb lii 
wardrobe. 

In ^u^ of timd the Weary 
traveller asoended on eminence 
and gazed ddWn beloW. Here his 
attention was attracted by two 
habitations of an unpreluming character, which, when he had 
got to the bottom of the hill, he ibund to be housee of entertahi- 
inetit fbr man and beaei lliere were, howevet, no other houees 
within ftight, and A. Slopbb was naturally ^Ued with wonder 
When he speculated on the distance people iii fkose parti nAd to 



- J *2^ .tl-^_ f_^.. i 



ing eotte UMroVided. iMte»(ffatllat light BLonB might iiava been 
observedon ue wiiy baek io Plpii^a GiN|yi where haanivedaHttle 
tcwlttteftir the last tmin. A. atiivM, ^«mp*y«H» Afetvi^i 



nil Wiiifih \c^ lifltLi • 



iiliiiif YilM 



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162 



JUDY, OB THE LONDON SERIO-OOMIO JOXJENAL. [Atowt 2, 1876. 



LEFT IN LONDON. 



fitxm&ffa behftTiour ol the 
Bpeaking Likeoeas of a higlily- 
oonneoted Toung Ladj, who 
f eali henelf dAacrted at tha end 
ol the S«a«on by the last eligfbla 
P^rti. Lucidly she was only a 
Kit-Cat, or she would have nm 
after him! 



\ 



Whilst those who have gone 
away beoome young again on 
the sea-ahore, the young people 
left behind rerert to the jeitx 
iniiocmti of childhood's hotir. 



Bbowh sees ereiybody off, and shamelenly shows himself In the Pirk when they 
haye gone. Hardened wretch ! 



one anocuer anerwaros in an om- 
of-the-way suburK 



IMPOBfAI^T FEOM SLOOUM PODGBE, 

Monday Morning. 

EITHERTO the seasoii 
at Sloonm has been the 
wont we have had for 
some yean. Last seaeon's 
paOs at the Repoeitorj 
do not go off at all briakly, 
and then ia scanelj any 
demand for spades. It 
is tme, a small boy looked 
in the day befora yester- 
day, bringing onr spirited 
townsman, the proprietor 
of the Bepodtory, up two 
flights of stain and away 
tem a hot chop, to ask 
whether he could have a 
twopenny spade for a 
penny, bat no purchase 
was effected, our spirited 
townsman, on the con- 
trary, slapping the boy's 
head in a way which did 
him the greatest credit 

Our lUnk, it is feared, 
will not be completed in 
time to be ei^oyed this 
by the visiton to 



mocum, and some question wnetber tben will be sufficient sor- 
yiyon, after the many resent catastrophes at the Rinks, to 
warrant further outiajr of cafitaL It is, therefon, perhaps as 
well that the enterprising azohitect our hiflhly nspeoted feUow- 
townsman has not got any farther than sewing on the site. 



Once more, with mingled emotions, I record ^he fact of our 
bow-windowed room carrying off the prize. Tes, we have ths 
lodger this season. He came an hour ago, and has paid a week 
in advance. Nothing could be mon satisfactory. He says the 
▼iew is delightful, and has passed an eulogium on the ornament in 
the sitting-room fireplace (my wife's own d^ign and execution 
—white chipped paper for a groundwork, reUeved by pink paper 
roses at brief intervals). 

Monday Afternoon. 

Our pennanenoy (he says he will be a permanency; he 
hates moving when he 'is once comfortably settled) has uq- 
packed his csipet-bag. Apparently he has not brought many 
clothes with hitn, for he has just unpacked a ,hom which must 
have nearly filled the bag. 

He aaks me if I play on the horn myself. 

I reply *< No," with decision. 

He asks if I like the music of the horn. 

I smile, though but sadly. I don't feel easy in my mind. 

' It is as I feared; ks does play it. This is an hour and a half he 
has been at it steadfly. If we t^k the tea up, that might choke 
him off for a bit ♦ ♦ ♦ • * 

He cUd leave off, but n6t for long. 

Monday Night. 

At last we have a lacid ihtervaL He has gone for a stroll, 
and I am taking the air at the door. A neighbour casuallv 
remarks, "You're musical, ain't you?" but 1 know myself 
too well to notice such impertinence. As it ie, however, he 
goes on to say he has got a splendid " let," and so have the 
parties next door. It woiSd appear, indeed, that there has been 
a kind of rush of permanencies, and if I had only waited, with 
my bow window, I might have had the pick. 

Ugh ! he is bock again. Wonder whether he will play any 
more to-night? Tustday Homing. 

1 have had words with him. Flesh and blood could not stend 



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ATOU8T 2, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIO JOUENAL. 



163 



1. Kotfaroff. At 
Gravesend, laat Wod- 
noaday, in the Nur- 
tety Grounda, Uaten- 
log to tha Band of 
tliaTOth. 



ONE OR TWO 
WHOM SIMPSON 
. MET {LATELY 




2. Only at South- 
end; and I walked 
all the way to the 
end of that brute of 
a pier to meet her, 
and did not regret 
It. 



a. On the "Lover's Beat" at Hafttinga. 
She waa alone, and that may have an- 
oounted for a oertain Melancholy, which 
waa (Uapersed when Simpson appeared. 



5. At Harrogate, on the Rink. . 

Smiliug (until Simpson came) ou our 

Gouty ContrlDutor. 



4. At Scarborough, at the Royal. 
And will SiMPtoN erez^eTei 



-NO.' 



6. At Tenby. One of their Gorernors. 
Not a bad aort, but a bit worritoome about 
Fellows* Intentions. 



. On the Gridfr m 
- at Ma-gato. 
A little Scorched. 



7. At Moffatt. A Brother. Not a bad 
aort either, but rather in the way. 



). At Killaney. 
other Brother. 
Took him out 
a boat and lost 
him 



9. On the Boulogne Boat. 
She waa a good Bailor;— Simpson isn't. 



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IM JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. [Augtist 2, 1876. 



it He seemed sorprised. 
He had no idea he had an- 
noyed UB. The fact was, 
he only came down her^ 
to practise, but if it doe^ 
annoy ns there's an en4 qf 
the matter. 

* * * 

Tuesday Afternoon. 

Bliss! He is asleep. 
The horn is in its case. 
Bliss! 

Tuesday f Bedtime. 

No music all day. 
B-1— i— s— s!! 

What's that? 

A strange noise in the 
lodger's bedroom. A sub- 
dued unaccountable sound. 
Something hke th^ mutio of 
a horn heard afar off. 

My wife is frightened. 
She has lool^eq through the 
keyhole and si^ys all is dark. 

I look through, however. 

' see a mint light ; also I 
: music half stifled. * 

I knock. TUere is no 
answer. 

I cautiously turn the 
handle of the door, and the 
light my wife carries reveals 
aU. 

The lodger'a bed prfsents 
the appearance of ^ tent, 
and the lodger is inside, 
smothered under the blank- 
ets, practising that con- 
founded horn ! ♦ • 

This is terrible ! 

What shall I do ? 

He might amuse biipself 
this way, of course ; ikere 
would not be iviuob ejec- 
tion to it; only he plays 
from mufic, ^d A| ki^ 
got the cQntUe under tk9 hed^lotkes to read his notes ! 

lieVB OF THE TIMES. 

(Mesptetfully dedicated to the Man P.) 

SoEHS.-T-2^ lfUfi§ vf the Burlington Arcade. TiMi.—ZuncAeon. 
Bob and Jao^ (Candidates for the Competitive Examinations}. 

Bob. Well, Jack, old boy! how do you think you are pro- 
gressing? 

Jack. Can't say eicaefly \ feel about ready to burst from all 
the cramming. 

Bob. Such a |hoo](iB< Wtete of life ! Two of our best jeare 
taken up in leariu|i|; a lot ^ obsolete jargon, and useless extracts 
from out-of-date poets, of no earthly use to any one. Sapposing 
a war broke out, and we were wanted to fight, what the deuce 
could we do ? We don't know any tiling a soldier ought to know. 

Jack. I'll tell you, old cock, what we could do. First, we coalj 
give the enemy a volley from Chaii^s ; then thunder an epflogue 
from Milton at his head;.wrdW, ^tip him one of Shakspkabb's 
plays, with everybody's readings an4 our own notes ; aud if that 
did not rout him, which | ih^k it w^tUd, we might, recite a lump 
out of Carltls's " Sartor HesartU8,'']and then take to our heels, 
ae our resources would b^ at an end. " . -^ - 



'•Q" IN THE CORNER 
In replying to Mr. E. Jen- 
kins, as to whether state- 
ni^Uta by the Foreign Secre- 
ti^ry on Turkish Affairs 
were to be accepted as offi- 
cial declarations of the Go- 
vernment, Mr. Disraeli 
wa9 perfectly jostified in 
saying that "the inquiry 
argued a want of acquaint- 
ance with parliamentary and 
political life." The Pre- 
mier might with safety 
have gone further, and 
added that it argued a want 
of acquaintance with other 
forms of life than par- 
\'\hVf^B^t9Jry i^nd political. 
It Is to be hoped the prac- 
tice indulged \n by certain 
gentlemen of i|^e Liberal 
persuasion, in af^d out of 
!parliamfint, of describing 
theur opponents as liars and 
rogues, will be curtailed. 
Mr. Jenkins probably 
meant his query to be taken 
as an insult. Then, agiin, 
probably he did not. 

SirWiiFBiD I^AWSONand 
some of his friends who 
advocate the Permissive 
Bill, are not very logical 
They think it perfectly fair 
the majority of two^tbirds 
of the inhabitants of; any 
district may refuse to have 
any public-houses. When 
it is proposed that the same 
majority shall decide 
whether Soljppl Boards were 
necessary i^ Ihe district, 

they tt^rn WP t}ie whites of 

their permiesive eyes and look horrified. Most of them opposed 
Itr. PBtL's clause in the Elementary Educatio|i BiU for thesis- 
qoIqIiqii of unnecessary Boards. 

^ ♦ ♦ • ♦ f ■ .• 

The passage of the Education BUl throngh Ce^iiiittee has 
roused Mr. Bright to unusual vehemence apd acrimony. He 
accused Lord Sandon of using " uncivil " lfingu|ige, and charged 
the whole body of gentlemen sitting on the right of the Speaker 
with never having been found "advocating justice to t^e Dissent- 
ing population." As a proof of the rigid bigotry exhibited by 
people belonging to the " caste" of tije hon. gentlenaen opposite 
hhn, he cited numerous instances of Dissenting children m the 
country being refused books and buns freely offered to Church 
children. His facts might be true, but his inferences (like many 
qf his inferences in other matters) are false. Books and buns 
^re withheld because the parents of the children would resent 
the gifts, and ascribe them to a desire of proselytism on the part 
of those who offered tl^^. Q- 

The Prevailing Coipplaif^t— S|uffering from .antimon(e)y. 
Lolly -POPS —fjying Sown for ^ ^lint at the bull's-eye. 
^ A ooNsidEBABLE Sa^g in Time i^iit Ijfoney— Buying irtock^ 
[Exeunt omnes. \ ings without clocks ! * 



* * r H E WA Y WE LIVE NO W." 

What is this t Only a Qi^ Cleric on the Ssflids at Bamsgate, trying to 
earn an honest Cnut fw kis poor Wife and PamUy. He has been out of 
Collar for a little overjkghte^n Months, in tpite of having written abovt Five 
Thousand Letters in answer to Advertisements / 



FURIIIQIiUBLili 
1 1 1 BiflDSmMO 



CADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



CAUTION. 
— If Ooeoa 
thickens in 
tkt cupUis 



IRCULAR 
POINTtD 



BRANDAUEI i 



PENS 



bTanewprooMB.- 
1 Bunpl* Bos audi 



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Avavn 9, 1876.] .TTTDY. OR TFTE LONDON SERTO-COMrn JOURNAL. 



115 



VERY COMMON OBJECTS JUST NOW AT THE SE/-:H0RE. 



A Lhnp-et. 



A 8ea.GaU. 



An Old Crab. 



A Sandy Little Co ye. 



Sea Urchins. 



The Common Shrimp. 



BADQEEBY'S BBUTAL BEHAVIOUJB. 

UBBLT it is the rery 
denoe of a job ! 

I*don*t aee my way 
oat of it, anyhow. 
It's getting worse day 
by day, hoar by boor. 
I'm heartilr siok of 
it. I'm thoroaghly 
ashamed of myself, 
and I asB, aboTe all, 
perfectly disgusted at 
that brate Baikivr- 
bt's brutal behaTionr. 
It all came about 
in this way. Meet- 
ing Badobebt acci- 
dentally UstWedaes- 
day in my street, 
Badobbbt immedi- 
ately takes me by the 
batten — a way Bai^- 
aiRBT has — and in< 
stantly commences to 
put me throogh one 
•f his fi^mons well- 
known Old Bailey crosi-examinarions— another way Badobbbt haa He 
treats all his friends as he does his witnesses. 

"Halloo, sir !" says Badobbbt, sternly fixing me with his le^ij and 
eagle eye ; " yea oiv a pretty fellow t " 

** Tes," I say feebly, ** so the ladies say. I can*t help it, though, you 
know. They don't say it to yon, though, Badobbbt, eh ! But you oan't 
help that, you know. HoVs Mra. B. ? " 

*'Pooh, sir, pooh I Dan't try ta shirk my quettioB by jour paltry 
qoibblos. Now, attend to mo f Tea told me you were ' off '—Out of 
Town, in fsot— last Meadiy ; here's Wednesday, and here's pou. Bzphdn, 
sir ; teU the jury the meaning of this— ahem !— strangely extraoidinary 



behayiour on your part. You've been going on sajing this sort of thing 
now for years, and, beyond going once to Gravesend from Saturday to 
Monday, you'TO not been Out of To«ni yet. Now, sir, explain, explain, 
or must I — must we all — set you down as an egregious — a confoanded 
s&am— a— in fact, an Impobtob V* . 

As a matter of fact, I can't explain. As a question of teracity, I hare 
told a regular whopper. When I told Badgebbt I should be "off to 
Scotland after the grouse on Wednesday, for a month, at leasts '* it was 
only a polite fiction on my part. Really and trnlj, I hadn't the slightest 
intention of leaving Town. I couldnH. As Badobbbt had truly re- 
marked, beyond the Gravesend episode, I hadn't left Town for several 
years when it's fiMhionable, and the "correct thing,*' so to do. Nobody 
had invited me, and I hadn't the money to go on my own hook. I 
excused this polite fiction to myself by saying lots of other would-be 
fashionable fellows did the same. This was all very well for the other 
would-be fashionable fellows, for— tA«y didn*t know Badobbbt 1 

I am conscious of my turpitude, and quail ; but, j ust as Badobbbt's legal 
and eagle eye is becoming insupportable, I have an inspiration. " Well," I 
say, with a gasp of relief, " if you must have it, I*ve been detained by a 
melancholy — er — er — ooossbn, in fact. I've had to bury my poor Aunt 
Bmma, bat I*m rea% off this evening by the 7.40, for a month, at least." 

"Oht** says Badobbbt, "fixing" me fiercely. "Ah! Hah! 

Well, I'll give you this one hut chance. Bui — now, mark me ! Ton 
know — ^the public knows— the world knows m^ to be a man of my word 
— not like you, sir — and I tetl you (Ais, ur : If I find out that you've 
not gone this time, I'll expoH you at the Club ; I'll show you up €9€ry' 
«A«rv— to every one ! I will. I have said it, and—/ keep my vord/** 

And I knew he Konld ! What should I do ? It was now nearly sofon. 
My action must be prompt, or— /was loUfor ever! 

I retreated at once to my roouu— I have the ground floor at No. S2, 
and my windows exactly £sce the principal windows of the Junior Buffers, 
the dub to which Badobbbt and I belong— and filled a portmanteau 
with some old newspapers. This I carefully strapped, elaborately 

labelled, and at seven o'clock sent out Bbtst Jabi for a hansom I 

then surveyed the Club windows opposite through my race-glass. 'Twas 
e'en as I thought— Badobbbt had kept his word— the windows were full 
of members eagerly reconnoitring my rooms. They were^ evidently, all 
waiting to see if I should really go by the 7.40. 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDQK SEBlO-COMIO JOUBKAL. [Axtqitst 9, 1876. 



As the clock strnck the hour a hansom cab dasbed tip viih a floiirisb, 
from which Bbtbt Jahb descended. The next minute I appeared, in the 
best scratch tourist roit I could master, and with the portmantean. The 

situation was truly thrilling The man drove me to Euston Square, 

where I paid and diimissed him ; then, having left the portmanteau in 
the doak-ioom, I rambled about till it was quite dark, and late enough 
for me to venture back to my rooms without bting obEcrred from the 

Club windows. r ^ ^' ^ j xmi 

I gidned the secuiity of my rooms wuhout— I believed, and still 
believe— being observed. The blinds were pulled down— the shutters 
closed and barred. Mrs. Toobt is the most punctual and careful of 
kndladies. Good. Mm. T. shall continue her nightly care throughout 
the day. * » ♦ 

I have been a close prisoner now behind my shutters for exactly seven 
days. I learn from Mrs. T. , however, who I have been necessitated to take 
into my confidence, that Badoeb- 
bt'b Bmtal B^aviour is as bad 
asever. The watch from the Club 
windows is as vigilant as at the 
very beginning. "What, oh, 
what, will be the end — of me f 
Shall I survive the next allotted 
(by myself, too ! ) three weeks I 
Who knows? Why did I teU 
that whopper! Alas 1 Oh, 



SHORT IIEIIS. FOR 
MEIIORIES. 

HiB Pbsmisb BdLE. — ^In 
the debate on Mr. Bruoe'b 
motioii relating: to the war 
in the East, Mr. Gladstone 
rose to make a statement, 
as the " only surviving Mem- 
ber of the House who was 
responsible for the Crimean 
War." pDce again, then, 
ihe Member for Greenwich 
appears in his well-known 
character of "the old sol- 
Oier.*' 

One fbom Spiebs and 
Pond's. — A bnsiness of 
long standing — Keening a 
refreshment har. (Ask some 
of Uie young ladies if it is 
not.) A 

Mb. Gladstone on Flow- 
EB8. — At the Children's 
Flower Show in the Dukb 
or WESTmNSTBB's gardens 
last week Mr. Gladstone 
said that flowers ''preached" 
to ns. If flowers do any- 
thing of the kind, they have 
this advantage over most 
other preachers, that they 

do know when to shut up. 

• 

Vest Sad ArFAiB.— A medal has, we are told, *' been strack at 
Bayrenth, in honour of the musical composer Waoneb — with 
his head on one side " ! Whether this lamentable peculiarity 
was a physical deformity of the author of Tannhauser, or 
whether it was simply a freak of the artist who designed the 
medal, the report does not say. But it is rather hard on Waoneb 
either way. , 

From the Railwat. — It is not generally known that no dogs 
are allowed to travel by ex-cur-sion trains. 

• 

East to Hindustand.— Some of the agricultural papers are 
discussing the question whether root crops might not he advan- 
tageously grown in India. Those who are well informed on the 
subject may settle it. if they can ; but, after all is said, the best 
root for India must BtUl be Uie Overland Route. 

Habd Times. — The Earl Bectivk 1 as sold to the Duke of 



Makqbestbb* for three thctMBand guineas, a hull oalf eight weeks 
old, of a valuable breed. That is to say, this little animal went 
for something like a hundred guineas a pound^about the highest 
price probably ever paid for veal. People might well complain 
that meat is dear. 

Steak Gs but Tbue. — ^It is an exception to the ordinary rule 
whieh gives an inventor a prior claim to the fruits of his inven- 
tion, tluit there are some, things which are patent to everybody. 

• 

Anotheb Deception. — The 81-ton gun, it is observed, and 
the experiments connected with it, have cost the country over 
jC100,000, and yet it has not, up to the present time, killed any- 
body. This sort of thing cannot really be allowed to continue. 
Why, a London cabman will do more mischief every day of his 

life, and an excursion train 

will beat this monster piece 
of ordnance hollow ! The 
81-ton gun is nothing but a 
huge impostor. 

Hint for Some People. 
—A Bad Card to Play— A 
postcard. Do your friends 
the honour of sending your 
communications under 
cover, , 

The "New Pabty." — It 
is announced that a certain 
number of M.P.'s have 
agreed that they wiU not 
submit motions to the House, 
or bring forward subjects for 
debate, except by mutual 
concert ; but they have not 
the slightest intention of 
forming a new party or of 
taking any step which would 
be inconsistent with their 
fidelity to Lord Habtikoton 
as leader of the Opposition. 
One essential quaMfieatim 
for admission into this "mu- 
tual-concert" party will, of 
course, be an ability to 
" sing." . 

Ca?taih Boyton aoain. — 
The swimming mania still 
miantains its hold upon the 
English mind. The last 
proposition is from Captain 
SoTTON, who intends to swim 
round Uie world. He be- 
lieves he can do it in five 
years, he says. He has not 
as yet determined upon the 
line by which he will travel, 
but when once he begins 



OUT OF THE FRYING PAN, ETC. 

"KbALLT, MbP. JoHKSOB, TOU must XZCC6B me; I BBALLT MUST CK) 
HOW, FOB I HAY* OTEER FiBH TO FBT.*' 

"Ah, aud if you wkrB bot an Old Bacbxlob^ you wouldb't have 

TO DO YOUB OWB CooKINQ." 



«• he will go through." If the Captain can see his way to do the 
latter, his fortune is made. Getting through the world is amtter 
which puzzled people before even swimming wasmventcd. 

• 

• • 

Vbbt LixBLT TO Happen.— The American papers admit that 
the threeand-a-quarter millions which we paid under the Geneva 
award will be far beyond what is required to meet all the direct 
claims which can be established before the Commission. We 
shall probably hear in the course of a day or two that some of 
the incorruptible members of the American Government axe on 
the road to England to return the balance. 

• 

• • 

Fbom the East.— That a vast number of persons have had 
their incomes reduced by the depredation of " Turks," is beam- 
ing more manifest every day. The evil is not even confined to 
this country, for a great many Servians have, somehow or other, 
found their way intolTtirkif h bends. 



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JUDY, OK THE LONDON SEBIC 



NOT TO B 

' Tki caurH to he iokm hjf a Ormi SttUetman depends, net upon hinAhi-toUured Newwever JtmdfU^ mMrmteni^ 



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X>MiO JOUiiNAL.— Acaw 9, mii. 



€ CAUGHT. 

Muni gi^m of kiwudf bu tkh^r Turh m> SU*miM» %,^* ...w^* J M^^^^^j I v^^ » 



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,AiiGir8i9,1876.} JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOUENAL. 



171 




BOMB ACCOUNT OF A CERTAIN SENSATIONAL 

INCIDENTIII THE LIFE OF A MILD MM1U-46ED BEtrTLHHAN/ 

FTEN have I been tempted 
to make this matter 
public, bat have hither- 
to rolndiied, for Tarions 
reasons. I haye fislt 
dreadfnllj uncomfort- 
able wheneyer I haye 
thought of it. I haye 
been and still am yery 
much ashamed of the 
share I took in it. It 
is also possible that it 
may not be belieyed. 

I am middle-aged, 
and of a mild and kmb- 
like disposition. I 
wovld not willingly in- 
jure a fly. 

I had gone down into 
th« eonntey fbr^the good 
of my health, and gene- 
rally spent a laige part 
of th% day sittbg upon 
itiles and lo<Aing out 
a&r, as there did not 
happen to be anything 
else in partionlar of an 
eqnally exciting charac- 
ter to do. And on the 
day this thing happened, 
I was sitting on a stile 
leading from a com field 
into a lane, but I don't 
think I was exactly looking ont afar jvst then, beeanse I had my eyes 
thut, and was taking the first portion of forty winki. 

It was dreadfully hot in the road I had been walking up, and delidondy 
oool on the stile under the trees where I was sitting, and I had dosed my 
eyes inyoluntarily. w^* 

I awoke with a start i6 find a sallow-faced man on cmtches standing 
still to stare at me. He was a humpbacked man, and eyil to look at. 
His eyes were sunken, and his ebeek-bones prominent. He had a faint^ 
husky yoice, and was speaking in a low tone. I took it for granted he 
was begging of me, and I was annoyed at being disturbed in the middle of 
my nap, and said, "I'ye nothing for yon.'' 

The humpbacked man became all at once yiolently excited. He ^mted 
to know who asked me for anything. He uted a sarprising quantity of 
bad language in a brief space of time. 

I begged his pardon, and inquired what it was he had said. He replied, 
that he wanted to know the way to Dumbledown. 

I begged his pardon agun. I an a mild man, as I preyiously men- 
tioned, and of a propitiatory nature. I directed him to Dumbledown 
with eagerness, and felt much relieyed when he had taken his departure. 
I watched him as he hobbled and staggered along, wriggling his mis- 
shapen form in a way that waa most uncomfortable to look at. Then, 
when the hedge- row hid him from my sight, I still heard his tattered 
boots painfully scraping the rough road, and I beard the plog, plog, plog 
of the crutch for a long while after the shnfiSe of the boots had become 
inaudible, and at last all was still, and I felt an indescribable sense of relief. 
But I did not care to go on with the remainder of the forty winks. 
The humpbacked man's violence had thoroughly awakened me, and I 
thought I would change my quarters. I therefore got off the stale and 
walked up the road in the opposite direction to whidi I had sent the 
humpbacked man, and in a hundred yards or so I came to a finger-post 
with tiie word Dumbledown on one of its arms, and the finger pointing 
straight up the road I was going. 
Then I began to feel bad. 

Why the deuce did I yolunteer any information upon a subject of 
which I was in^ ignorance ? I was almost a stranger in those parts. This 
was the first time I had ever been there, and I had only been there three 
days. I had neyer been to Dumbledown at all. Why on earth had I 
daahed at a condosion I I had been asleep, and waan*t quite dear where 
I was when I woke up. What was to be done ? 

My first thought was to escape across country, and leaye the hump- 
backed man to his fate. But my better nature prompted me to adopt a 
manlier course. 
I turned round at once, and went after him. 

He had had the start of me about ten minutes now, but I had no doubt 
I riiould oyertake him. I walked as fast as I could for ten minutes at 
leasty and then I came to two cross roads, and pulled up to wonder which 
he could haye taken, and failing to arriye at any conclusion as to that, 
began to wonder which road I ought to take on the ehanoe. I took the 
l&hand read on speealation, and toiled on for a good quarter of a mile. 



till I came to a point where I could see the road stretching out in a straight 
line for a mile, hoi ajid dusty ia the broiling sun. Then I turned round 
with the intention of trying the other road. 

But fleah is weak, and it must be allowed, even as it was, I had had a 
good doing. I was awfully hot, and dusty, and tired, and when I got bask 
to the place where the ctom XMMh met, I sat down on a bank and rested. 

I suppose it was the fintigue and the heat. I shut my eyes again, and 
went on with the forty wSnk^ and I awoke agaiu with a starts to find the 
humpbacked man standing before me, using terribly bad language. 

He wanted to know what I meant by trying on that ghastly lark with 
him. He hoped I should be crippled come day as he was, and then I 
should know what it was. I felt considerably pot out, and I won't swear 
I didn't feel a little nerrons. It was a solitary place, and he was an 
awful-looking humpbacked man, and he flourished his crutch quite 
ferodoudy. 

I oonoUiated him as far as lay in my power. I tdd him how I had 
-laboured to oyertake him, but he said it was a lie. I took solemn oaths 
to the truth of the statement^ and I insisted that he should drink my 
health at the first alehouse he came to oin the road, and saying this I put 
my hand into my pocket, before I remembered that the one solitary coin 
in my possession— and I wanted it to last me a couple of dajs — was a 
aoyereign I had there. 

This was deuced awkward. He had softened a little, and his hand was 
stretched forth, but I couldn't find it in my heart to make this uaoifioe. 

Then a bright thougbt struck me. I said I would walk with him 
mysdf as ftff as the Rehouse. 
i He said he was a teetotaler, and would rather haye the money. 

I said *' All right, I want to get some change. I will go with you," 
and we set oC 

Unless I should surpass the age of Mxtuuiuslah, when I presume one's 
memory becomes somewhat impaired, I don't think I shall easily foiget 
that terrible walk with that humpbacked man, on the road to Dumbledown. 

Be enliyened the journey with cheerfid diioourse. He went into 
details respecting the prerious history of his lost leg, and missed nothing. 
He enumerated the complaints he had suffered from, which were 
all I had eyer remembered hearing, besides some new ones, and 
then I broke down. The road ahead of us, and the road we hod 
been toiling along, lay baking beneath the noonday sun, and no ale- 
house was yisible on the horiaon. I hesitated a moment — it was pretty 
nearly as bad ta haying a tooth drawn — I gaye him the aoyereign to get 
rid of him. 

He neyer eyen thanked me. He bit it and said he thought it was a 
duffer. A derer duffer, but still a duffer. I indignantly asked for it 
back, and he said it was dear as day it was, or dse how could I be such a 
something fool as to giye it him. He stuck to it, howeyer, and went his 
way, 

I haye since asoertaintd that there wis an alehouse within fifty yards 
of the spot) concealed by a sudden dip in the road. The humpbacked 
man got yeiy tipsy there I 



THE ONLY JONES. , 

Wbilst pitying and despisbg those absurdly restless creatures who want 
to go out of town when Uie weather gets hot, and not only want, hut 
actually go, I, your f^thful Jokks, still do the old rounds. That yener- 
able entertainment (htr Boys, at the Yaudeyille, has now passed its 500th 
night. I won't say I haye myself been present at every performance, but 
there haye been oyer 500 of them, and to that I am willing to take my oath. 

London At9urance is always a most enjoyable play, and is as enjoyable 
as eyer as played at the Haymarket. 

Miss Uaqqts Moobe and Mr. J. C. Whxiamsov keep on Striking Oil 
at the Adelphi, and how that CoUem £awn does *go, and how good 
Wn. MsLLOir is ! 

At the Criterion, whilst The Oreat Divorce Case is in full swing to a 
crowded house, it is difiicult to imagine that the season is at an end, and 
everybody gone or going out of town. 

Mr. Terbt has left ^e Strand to join the Gaiety company (they have a . 
way of absorbing rising young men at the Gaiety which makes me wonder 
whether I shall eyer hear of Mr. Txbbt any more). At present, aeoord- 
ing to the adyertisement in the Ull, this is what they do there every 
evening: "At 8, Scenes from Paul Pry— Mr. Tools and Miss Johi- 
OTOHB"(no one else,! presume). **At 9, Rbioe's Spdling Pee— Mr. 
Tools and Chorus " (nameless). " At 10, Id on parU Proni^w— Mr. 
Tools, etc." 

Mr. Cays has been ac^g in an Irish drama at the Globe with much 
success, but is, I bdieve, soon going into the country. 

Messrs. Gatti have resum<d their admirable Ftomenade Concerts at 
Covent Garden, which every night is crowded. 

The Book of the Seaton.-^Demy 8t;o, llluitraUd Wrapper in 
Ooloure, hy Adelaide Claxton, poH free, Is. 2|i. " THERE 
AND BACK," One Shilling, Containing some hundreds of 
Oomie Pictures, To be had of aU BooheeUert and Newsagents ; 
at all Railway Bookstalls : and at "Jvdy" Office, 78, Fleet 
Street, E.G. 



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172 JUBY, OE THE XONDON SERIO-COMIC JOUENAL. [Amust d. 1876. 



M'NAB, OF THAT ILK. 



This ig M'Nab again, who ia irespaaaing, aa 
natial ; 



Where there la a Ball ! 



' A'ill let that ToUin ken no tae interfere wi' 
anither timet" 



' A'ye nMcd ye at UM, canny mon !" 



' A'ill gie ye a hit Ride doon here fiiat I" 



Thehit Bidal 



A bit mere Bade ! 



JMeAml 
<Skod.bf^ BMbiel 



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kvemn 9, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOUBNAL. 



178 



PRISON FARE. (From 

The attention of A. Slofbr has been directed to a sabject which, 
in his opinion, has not oreated the attention it onght to have 
done, probably in consequence of die Br^to case. He allades 
to the cost for food per week for the prisoners in Newgate. It 
would seem that the Lord Mayor has been boarding the ladies 
and gentlemen here imder ms charge on an extremely reason- 
able scale. He 
provides them 
with every 
Isxnry, not 
esdoded from 
the ordinary 
bill of fare, 
for the small 
charge of two- 
and-seven- 
pence per 
head per week, 
and he felt so 
pnmd of what- 
he waft doing, 
that, in a 
speech he 
made, he de- 
fied the go- 
Temor of any 
other gaol to 
feed the priso- 
ners under his 
charge for a 
less snm. For 
A. Si^psr's 
pail, he would 
set baye tried. 
He would 
have lost 
money over 
Moses for a 
dead certain- 
ty. 
But it seems 




Priie PiiMiier— Old Sfyle. 



ihe Lord Mayor was rash, and Major Leoostt, the (Governor 
of Kirkdale Prison, rushed to the fore with his statistics as 
<to the Lancashire diet At Lancaster Castle, a prisoner's 
keep costs onl^jr two-and-a-penny per week ; at Salford Hundred, 
they work him on one-and-elevenpence-three-fartbings (that 
furuiing is a cruel bit, it strikes Slofbr ; why not let tne poor 
man have it?). At Preston, though, they ^ him down to one-and- 
eightpence-halfpenny ; and at Kirkdale on Miyor Lseonr's 
plan, he is choked right off for one-and-sixpence. 

The thought must naturally occur to the intending maleikctor, 
with a stifiGish twist on him, to avoid the Major's neighbdiirfaood, 
not only pn his own account, but the Major's. 

How the dickens it is done without a loss at twopence-half- 
penuy-fraction per diem, puzzles A. Slopsr, though his tastes are 
inexpensive whm catering lor them out of his own pocket 

At the same time, the prisoner's experience must be of great 
service to him when he gets out affain. By studying the details 
of his dietary system, he nouiy see how it is praoticabTe, should he 
remain honest, to marry and support a wife, and say six children, 
on the same lavish scale, for aeven-and-sixpence a week, taking it 
for granted that a child only costs half as much as an adult; 
while, of course, a few unweaned twins would cost nothibg at alL 



a Sloperlan Point of View.) 
It is just possible that a man does not get hi in gaoL The 
unfortunate nobleman, for instance, has lost weight considerably 
whil st he has languished ; but then we have it, on the authority of 
Mr. EsNXALT, that this has been direct gain to him, as day by 
day he gets more like Boorau * 

Upon a recent occasion, when A. Slopxb had b^^ wroufffolly 

accused (there 
are person/i 
who seem to 
make a busi- 
ness of going 
about wrong- 
fully accusing 
SlopbrV hb 
*was aole 16 
produce e^- 
dence in con- 
sequence of 
which he only 
got fourteen 
days instead 
oi twenty- 
eight He WAS 
imormed that 
if he had been 
as bad as Im 
was at first 
supposed to 
be, he would 
have had 
meat and pud- 
ding occasion- 
ally, instead 
of cMtinual 
skilly and per- 
petual tdse. 

Ih other re- 
spects,^ how- 
e^er,^ it is 

Pria© Priaoner-New style. UeedleW tO 

saj^A. Slopee 

Was treated with the consideration which the consciousness of 
his innocence inspired. 

Th^ did not crop his hab. 

Later on, A. Slopeb haWng made the acquaintance of the 
Chaplain, was much moved by that gentleman's discourse. 

" Reverend Sir," A. Slopeb obsefVed with fervour, ** I have 
never previously enjoyed the advantages of so. inspiring a dis- 
course. Sir, it does me good, and it is a burning i^ame you're 
not a bishop." t 

At these fow but touching words the Chaplain smiled sadly, 
and wiped away a tear, and the next day A. Slopes was ordered 
roast beef and plum-pudding. 

On quitting that scene of tribulation, the Chaplain (he was 
young) presented A. Slopee with a bound copy of six of his pryited 
sermons, and until one morning subsequentty, when Mr3. S, was : 
in a great hurry to boil the kettle, A. Slopeb had preserved and 
cherished that little volume. 

A. Slopeb, Oheutmed and Improved MoraUtt 

Simple rules for chastening and improving, on an improved 
principle, without the use of sapkdotlv to be had on application 
to A. Slopxil En^^fofe six stamps. 



grant of £482. OaptsEa Mbroob, tiie Ohairmah of the Fund, ifho has 
reoeived £50 from an anopymous friend in aid of this year's Hospital 
Saturday Collection, also appeals to the public for special donations. 

A good nnml)er4>f the ComkUL " Carita'* progresses well, and the 
story with the quaint title— ''The Ber. Adam CAXiBOir's Visit to Lon- 
don," is decidedly derer and bgenious. 

In the Oentlemcm's Magazine, Ifr. Ohablis Gibbos hogins a new stoi^ 
in his best style, and Mr. and Krs. Oowi>is Clabki eontinne their 
'' LiiaH HuvT Correspondence " with nnahated interest 

JAndom JShisUt^ b getliag lack tomething of the old look, when the 
present Iditor held the reins at the commenoement of its career, and 
some rexy pleasant readbg it contains. 

'<A])aywiUiaBaby"bthe title of an aansing little paper in the 



A WHL 7B0K WVIIPST. 
' The inhabitants of Wa^ipsy hOg to say that Ifr. Slokie 
Is no hetter than he shonld be— an incorrigible toper ! " 
We regret that our contribntor should make such Hrely sallies. 
But we fear he's rather partial to the cream of Bnghuid*s raUeys ! 



THUMB MARKS 
Om Vew Books, Masie, and other Things. 
Sib Bdmuhd Hat Cuebii, Chairman of the London Hospital, has written 
to the local press of the Bast of London, appealing again for hearty sop- 
port to the Hospital Satnrdsj Collections, pointing out that the London 
Hospital reoeired from the Hospital Saturday Fund Ust year the weleome 



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Timv cm n^ViJ!\ .j/r^rursi GT^.tfrn^nnMin TnTiPVAT.. rA™n«-p o ift7fi. 



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meMiire,the nugority for Mlnitten wat twioe af great as it haa been in I the Speaker will retam bome for their boU^yi quite as pleased thai the 
hter days, a»d Aat this falling off Is to be attributed to the waning fidelity | present Administration will hare ehai^ of affairs dnring the r^eess. Q. 



PUBEI SOLUBLE!! 
1 1 1 REFRESHING 



CADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



CAUTION. 
"If Ooeoa 
thiekeni te 
th* eupit%9 

Mlmrth. 



ISIQNAL VICTORY m Mm 



1 ComiMlllloa. ImM •! 



TAYLORS PATENT 



itty addMl tothcM VaohliiM 

lor Avnflirar" " 

sahMUi 



uiAking Dorpoan. Intandinc parohaMn ■hooM aea 
iTMiJfcrftPioqpMkastoTKnocliFBtaatSMiBtM 
aompuiy. Limited. OtMt DrtflUUi. or 97. Ohiprfte. 



SEWING 
MACHINES. 



PnblUhfHi br the ProprlAt r, at 78, Fleet Stteet. K.C. Printed bv Woodf^^ll * Kmo. Milford Lane^ 



W.O.^WsiNinDAT, August 9, 1876. 



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ArouBT 16, 1876.] JUDY, OB THE LONDON SERIO43OMI0 JOURNAL, 



175 



HOW THEY DO IT THERE. 
^y going Papa. Loot hib Svidb, his bbmI Nitie mihd, wi'll but tou ibothbb, mt dbab, dibectit wb go oh'thb Esplakadb. 
Frund/y Stafarwg Per$(m Mo hiim$ the %cay8 of thoiepmU). Lob*, Mabtbb, thbbb aib't bo 'oabioh to do that. Lbt MiflBT kbbp hbe 

SlBB OPBB, ABD SBB'LL EOOB HBD OBB BBLOBOIB' TO 80MB OBB BLBB 1 



DEPAETUEE8 FEOM TOWN. 



[Tbe foUowiBg ereBii, by come cenBnraUe ctreleflnifss on the part of 
penoni refpcnable^ baTe been omitted from their wnial place in &thion- 
able reoorda :— 

Mb. and Mbb. AbbabaM' Solohoks, accompanied by tbe Masters 
SoLOMoBs (fire) and the Misaea Solomoms (aeyen), haTe left 
'Whitechapel for Margate. 

Teb *'b8iida" (aifdoyed by Mctara. Sboddt and Co. haya left 
Town in a van ior their bcanfeaat Up to the time of going 
to presa one *' band " iraa in tbe kcal boapital, but three 
others of those iiho went had not been ainoa heard oL 

Mb. akd Mbs. Spboooims (the well-known greengrocer and 

finger-beer retailer of the Old Kent Boad) have gone to 
toiberville Uy Bf^id a hapny day. 
Ma(teb SLrsBBB, the old estabiished eroaaing- sweeper of Par- 

liemcnt Stxeef, haa gone to hia seat in St. Jamea'a Park, 

where he proposes to stay till trade reviyes. 
Mbssbs. Pbigg ft Smsaesb haye^gone to HoUoway for a month 

(with hard kboor). 
Mb. Alfbed Fabtbot haa gone to the had. It ia sappoaed he' 

will remain there. 
Setebal persons, well-known in society, haye gone ta the dence. 
Mb. Dennis OTlankjoan and family haye left their reaidenoe 

in Blatheram Boildinga, Dmry Lane, for Kent, where they 

purpose to remain till the end of tbe hop>pioking. 
Imfet Q. Neous, Esq., of Little Toddlekin Street, W.C., after 

eeyeral attempts to keep hia head aboye water, has gone 

through the Court. 
A OENTLEM AM of the name of Smith, late of Robinson's Hotel, 

Piccadilly, haa left Town so aaddenly that ha did not eyen 

pay hia MIL 
AixT Slofbb, Esq., and I. Moasa, Eaq., haye left their Town 

BeaideBoea for a proyindal tour. Friends at a distance will 

kiadij accept this intimation. 



SHOBT MEMS. FOB SHOBT MEMOBIES. 

Mem. foe Polo Platebs. — The Peince of Wales, it is said, has 
introduced into England a yariation of the game of Polo, in 
^hich no competitor is allowed to sti^e his opponent's balL 
This game, now so popular in England, seems to be played, in one 
form or another, all oyer the world. It is a £ayoarite among the 
members of the Arctic Expedition, who, aa ia well known, call it 
North Polo. /, 

A Bad Place fob iNyALins to Beside at.— (H)ayling laland. 
• • 

Wondebful iNyESTioN.^There is, it ia said, in the Phikdel- 
plua Exhibition, a machine for making casks, which catches hold 
of a bundle of wood, makea stayea of it, placea them in position^ 
pnts round them iron hoops, and fixea the heads in, all by one 
operation. This almoat reminds one of the celebrated in?entioB 
(luso American, doubtless) which would chase a pig roonda&rm" 
yard, put a ring throogh hia nose, and tie him to a poat. Qui 
American MencU are getting on I 

Wanted to Know.— When persons take the hatha at a German 
watering-place, where do tbey take them to? 



A Pr^oE WHEBE tou alwxts get 
Hayani 



'No" FOB AN AnSWEE.— 



The Best Wat to do it.— Failing all endeayoora to float thi 
Vanguard, the Admiralty are, it ia saii, considering whether the| 
will not put the yessel np for sale by priyate tender. Under tb^ 
circnmatances it would seem a more practicable plan to send th^ 
private tender down to the Vanguard, But there ia no knowing 

Awful.— What la thedifforance between the Welah Ezhibitiod 
at Wrexham, and a cow toaaing hay ? Why, one ia the Eiatedd^ 
fodd, and the other ia h'isted fodder, don't you aee. < 



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176 



JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOXJENAL. [AiroirBT 16, 1876. 



"A BIG£TH1KG." 

OING down the Strand 

six months ago, I was 

boisterously saluted by 

a friend of my early 

youth, who slapped me 

on the back and called 

me ** Gbabubt." I take 

it to be an unkind and 

inconsiderate thinfi; on 

the part ot the parents 

of a person who is likely 

to grow up solemn, 

solid, and half a foot 

over the regulation 

round the waist, to call 

that person, whilst a 

helpless babJB, by a 

Christian nani|l capable 

of this or similar abbre- 

.iriation. But.. left that 

. pass. ; * . 

This fdend o£my early 

youth, who was then a 

member of the theatrical 

profession, was some* 

what recklessly attired, 

with a want of harmony 

in his checks, with curly bak which curled upon his shoulders ; 

and he wanted shaving, and wore rings and a paper collar. 

Appearances led me most, erroneously to suppose that things 

were not going well withium, but (acc<Hrding to his own account) 

nothing could be better. The reason the little London world 

had not seen much of him lately was because he bad been 

"pulling it off, dear boy," an the provinces. I asked him which 

of them, and he said, '* Up and dowu'^everj where nearly." He 

was now only in town for a day or two, and was run off his feet. 

It was a question whether F. B. 0. or John were to have him. 

They had both made offers, but *' it wasn't good enoagh," and he 

had *' a big thing on " somewbere else. We drank together, and 

settled the mediocrity of things generally at the rate of about a 

thing a minute, and when we bade each other good-bje, I had 

an uneasy impression iq^oa me that I was not maintaining such 

a tight grip on Time's forelock as the place in Poet's Comer yon 

m^ have heard me mention seemed to call for. 

ShL months had passed since then, and F. B. 0. and John, 
having apparently fuled to see their way, without a loss, to secure 
the services of this friend of my early youth, I took it for 
granted he was *' pulling it off " again in the provinces; so that, 
when I met him yesterday, and found that he bad '* chucked Uie 
whole thing up," and was on to another big thing, the particulars 
of which we did not enter into, I was surprised. His wardrobe 
this time, ^noticed, was of a scrappy character— a coat from one 
suit and a waistcoat from another. He was curlier, if snyhing, 
and he still wanted shaving. He still wore rings, but his paper 
collar was the day before's. 



This friend of my early youth was just now literary, and I, too, 
being something of that sand, he slapped me on the back and 
wasgood enough to say I was the very man for him, and had 
tamed up at the nick of thine. It appeared that my early friend 
was now connected with a literary Venture, which was irreverently 
called the Ourgle by those associated with it, but the proper 
title of which was the QWdle; being, in fact, a happy inspiration 
of the man who first found the money, and who intended by 
its aid to establish a kind of interoommunication with all habit- 
able parts of the globe. It did not quito do this whilbt he was 
in power, and the paper-maker, to whom it now belonged, had 
picked up my early friend, who was sanguine of results. At the 
bar to which my mmd had takm a^, we curiously enough met, 
in the course of twenty minutes or so, the whole of the staff, 
who dropped in casually one at a time, and all seeming to have some 
time on their hands, or at least nmiiifesting no anxiety to go on 
anywhere else, we adjoumed to the smoking-room, for the osten« 
sible purpose of settling the preliminaries of a grand seaside 
double number, and smoked pipes. As the 8ha£)S of evening 
gathered round, we were a little foggy as to the preliminaries, 
but had sung the *' Hardy Norseman" and the ''Chough and 
Crow" in chorus, and the friend of my early youth had rccitid 
as much of the *' Charge of the Light Brigade" as ha.ooold 
remember. Later on, some one «aid we had really better g<Ut ttie 
busmess done before we had any more harmony, and then 1 think 
it was definitely settled that each of us was to take some place of 
fiuBhionable resort as a subject, and treat it in a high-class style, 
with a proper high-bred tone about it " Tou know the kind of 
thing I mean," said the friend of my early youth, fixing his staff 
with a certain severity, and we said we did, and then had up 
some more liquids, and some one sang a oomic song. 

But, when we narted, we all agre^ there could be no kind of 
doubt ahent it toat the forthcoming seaside nnmhHr would be 
a tremendous go; and, it is jast possible, eaoh.peBSOB present 
had some idea that his own particular oontdbntioii would he tAe 
feature. 

All this was yesterday. To-dio^, I am told that the paper- 
maker has stopped the supplies, and that the OwrgU has gurgled 
its last. 



THUMB MABEd. 



Thb aerial stories by Asthovt Tbollofb and Wilkib OoLLna are oon- 
tinoed in Temple Bar this month, and the short artieles are more than 
naaally attraetive. \yif>^ trn^ 

Mr. Ohablks Woop's paper <*0a the Wye,** u| the Argo^, is very 
pleaiant reading. 

TinsUy's this month has qnite a norel look ; it is full of short artieles 
all of the kind a railway trareller would be likely to feel interested in, 
and none of them too long. 

Mr. Obaeli^s Biadx was nerer mere eoeentric than in his contribution 
to the August nnmber of Belgrama, 

An article on *' Great Men's Wi?ei^" by Philus Baown, in OandCs, 
yon ought to read, bot the subject is by no means exhausted. The ngly 
side of the picture might iill volames. 

A cheap edition of Mr* Joskph Hatton's clever and ingenious novel, 
"Olytie," has just bean published, in which form it should find some 
thousands of new readers. 



A SET OF FIVE BELLS. 



I. A Camp-belle. 



2. A Belle. tower. 



8. Belle(8) Lettre(8). 



4. A Blue Belle. 



5. ABiTbgBenew 



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JUDY. OB THE LONDON SEBJX. 



GETTING T 

THB MAK WITH IBB nSTOLS BBINQ LBPT TO FIGBT HIS OWN BATTIB8, 9I1IDS 



Hi 

DS IK| 
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X)MIC 3O\JiSJ0AJj.—AvBVn IC, 1H76. 



(TRilTAv 



■Xl ■ ■ -^W* i mt AITT A ««^tVl«B 



WORSTOFIT. 

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kvBvwr 16, 1876.] JTJDY, OB THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOUENAL. 



181 



"IT'S AN ILL WIND THAT/' Ac. 

A Sktteh from life in flu BMd tmmn. 

OFFEE . ROOM 
of th$ Amphi- 
tryon club, 
PaUMaU. 
Tjmb, 7 P.M. 
Dramatii Per- 
MoniBt Bbown, 
JoNKB, and 

BOBIMSON. 

Bbown (as 
HospitabU Ho$t, 
conducting Jonkb 
and BoBiNSON, 
whom he ha$ in- 
vited to a** little 
diner pour 
trois,"' to the 
table he hoe sc' 
lected). Awfully 
glad to see you, 
JoNBS, and yoa 
also, Robinson, 
old man. Ton 
my word, it 
seems an a;;e 
sinoe we met ! 
Ah, one's best 
friends never 
seem t» ftedtuae f«r oi^ of ns in the season, bey? 

JoRBb ^tmd Robinson Imohorui). Tme; bat this u a jolly 
table, Bbown. You'to nsver asked vs to dine in the bow window 
btfore, thonffh we've dieed hereso often for so many yean. 
BaowNi Glad yim like it, bm sit down and 111 tell yon why. 
Thsf j»t-*Hrt(mtive waiierM put on eoup-^dinner eommeneee,) 
i^ell, yoa sm^ Uei is, one ean*t get this table in the ordinary 
eoone d th^gs. Never bad it before myself and it's only in 
this Dead Se^atm that yoonfl members ake myself can get it 
Fact is, for liin«>or ten months oat <tf the twelve, itTs monopo- 
liied entirely by old Pottbrbubt, a big-wiff. and Committee-man 
here, who bespeaks it always a fortnight m advanoe, and itTs as 
maoh as the head waiter's place is worth to let a junior like 
years traly have it. Qaite a difforent thing, isn't it, to those 
tables t'other side. In the dark, and no view oat of window ! 

Jonbs {tasting soup, and meditatively). Bless met H'ml 
Yes, this is really most exceUent tortle. Brown ! 

Bbown, Yes, it is ; Jl>at, yoa know, if oar City magnates were 
not all eat of town, they'd never send me up he^VbaX allowance 
of the green ikt 

Robinson (tipfing Madeira, and meditatively), H'm I Yes, lliis 
Madeira is positively superb. Brown. 

Bbown. QJad yoa like it Fact is (lowering his voice and look- 
ing round cautiously), oar head waiter let me have it ** quite as a 
fitvoor, Mr. PoiTBBBcrBT an' th' Committee gents' hown partiolar 
bin, air ; an', for 'ea?ing's sake, keep it dark, sir, or Tm a rained 




« 



Jonbs. By the way, T was dining last week with my brother- 
in-law. at that gorgeous new Clab next to the Princb ov Walbs's 
place, Marlboroagh House* you know, and I find they have bed- 
rooms there for the members' ase— ^regolar valet too» and all 
comfortable. Can yoa do that here f 

Bbqww. Wdl, now I can, now nearly all the old members are 
oat of town. Bat, bless yea I in the season there's no chance of 
a bedroom here— all boolrad months beforehand by the big-wigs. 
Bat try some of MsJUet des truites a la Tartarey it's very clever. 
Ah, oar chef won't taJce the trouble with a small dinner like this 
in the basy time of the year. 

Jonbs {tasting JHet). Perfect I And I see you've grouse down 
on the menu. £arly lor grouse, isn't it— the 16th ?, 

Bbown. Yes, it is. But good and early game is one thing I can 
always depend upon here ; for lackily, you see, it's the fashion to 
shoot grouse and partridges when it's aJso the fuhion for all the 
swells to be oat of town. Talking of grouse, though, Robinson, 
how is it you're not popping away at 'em now 7 

Robinson. Ah ! Well* fact is, I'm supposed to be out of town 
now. I tell my Belgravian friends so, don't you know? as a 



sort of— er—er— propitiatory votive garland kid on tfae altar of 
Fashion, just to quiet *em, and satisfjr my own semplea iHiilst I 
stop in town, and revel in my Clubs without the usual Club 
Bores. For, to alter Btbon a little, / say— 

" There la a pleMure in the pftthleis 4t«p, 
There is a nptnre in the looely abovM ; 
There is Society-- where none mtrade 
In August's Clnh^ with absenoe of the Bores." 

Why, just consider the advantages August and September in 
torn present ! As you say, Jones, one really can never properly 
utilize one's Club in the bui^ time. Why, last evening, do you 
know, I got the Pall Mall, the Globe, the Evening Standard, 
and the very last Echo all at once, and without having to wait a 
minute for them ! And then (enthutiasUcaUy) the luxuir, too, of 
being able to *' pervade your Metrollopus*' in a suit of dittoes, 
and a pot hat! 

Jones (more enthusiastically). Yes, and— ha I htkl-^without 
gloves! 

Brown {still more enthusiastuxUfy), Yes, and— by Jove ! being 
able to ride on the knifeboard of an omnibus ! And if Uiere's 
one thing I like more than another thing, it is riding on the knife- 
board of an omnibus 1 

Robinson {risina, and to theoccasionf with glass in hand). Then, 
as we're all agreed on the point, I beg to propose a toast in 
bumpers. Gentlemen, I give you "Thb Dead Season, and 
Many of Thbm." Tableau and Cvkiajv. 



MB. DISRAELI. 
Hbb Majesty has been gracicmsly pleased to summon the Prime 
Minister to the House of Lords, where he will take his seat as 
Earl ob Bbaoonbeibld. The hosour Is as gracefully bestowed 
as it is entirely deserved, and it is ^ven when the recipient is 
at the height of his popularity. That the Emml ob Bbaoonstiec^ 
may long live to wear the coronet he lu»s,s6 worthily won, is 
the wjsh of all the admirers of the Premier— which description 
includes his political opponents as well as those who sit on his 
owpL side of the House. 



'•Q'' rN THE CORNER. 

I TAKE it that the war by Servia against Turkey is at an end. 
As I an^pated, the man with the crutch— the "sick man" he 
is called in diplomatic language— has knocked the brains out of 
the fellow with revolver and stiletto. There can be no doubt 
the result is due to the prompt action of the English Ministry in 
sencUnff a score of ironclads to BesOca Bay. There can be no 
doubt that Servia would not have thought of attacking Turkey 
but for an impUcit promise of support from Russia, and there 
can be no doubt that this support wimld have been given hut lor 
the prompt action of the English Government The Christiaii 
gentleman who made the unprovoked attack upon the Turic be- 
cause it was said he was sick, will have to pay for his temerity. 
Before this meets Uie reader^s eye, we ought to hear that Prince 
Milan of Servia has been deposed. We shall also hear that the 
Montenegria Prince has not added to his territory, and that the 
Prince of Roumania has not ^nUit^hkA a mortal blow on Turkmr, 
but has burnt bis own fingers in an attempt to fire a petard. 
Altogether the attitude of England in the a£hir has been to our 
digni^ and honour as a natlon» Mr. Biooab, Mr. Jenkins, or 
Mr. Kbnbalt wiU admit this. 

Everybody will be ^ad that the inqairy at the puUic-house 
at Balham, as to the death of Mr. Tornbb Bbavo. has ended. 
Except hi a '* Minerva" novel* I never read of such extraordi- 
nary legal proceedmgs. The license of the bar has ^ne beyond 
all endurance in this case. Henceforth, if a man is arraigned 
for penury, the opposmg counsel will prove his case if he can 
show the accused has stolen a jam tart when he was a boy. The 
Treasury has much to answer tor in allowing the investigation 
without having some CTidence to justify their reopening of the 
inquest; but the individual lawyers engaged have acted as no 
other gentlemen, not lawyers, would ever act. It was a fight, 
Camfbbll v. Bbavo. Everybody was dreadfully punished, but 
every blow ihui told was administered under the belt 

The conclusion to which most people have come sinoe this 
second Bbavo inquest began, is that the license of counsel should 
be curtailed. A pompous or ignorant barrister or attorney must 
not be permitted to insinuate that a man is a peijurer because he 
once took somebody else's jam tart Vivat Ikb ! 0* 



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AiTGiytTie, isyfti JTJDT, OE THE LOKDON SEEI(M30MI0 JOUENAL- 



183 



A. Slopbb takfiflup liis pen'with extreme zelnotaaoe. He has 
not been behaved irell to. He is aooostomed to •^'good deal of 
the same kind of thing; bat there are limits, and these have been 



SL0PK»-lii8 trunk. 



Ills generally theenstom ^ A. Slopkb, at Wi time of the year, 
toseekpaMfisBew. Thi^ikave had him twice at Wompsy ; bat 
not again— not for A. SLoraB. 
Meanwhile^ a distant lo- 
tion df A Slopkb wrote the 
other day, from her native 
heme on the sea coast, to ask 
S&OFiB'a advice and con 
rAitbre to lier son* who 
atteie fot literatore. JSj 
iar-'&at pt vacancy on 
stiff imght soon be exj 
(the omf^hoj had jost 
notioel^ A. Slofxb dr ^ 
his nmifB a. line to sa> ^ 
wooldfiert his inflaenee in 
hi|(h mitfirters; bat as he wu 
thinking 0f Tanning dojwn 
her way ifibe lives mce and 
handy at Land's End,) he 
aught, p#hape, have half an 
hoax's qitfet chat' with her. 

A. Slopbb*8 relative replied 
with what A. Slofbe woaM 
term eiiiisiony and he began 
to pack his tnmk that very 
night; she said, "Make my 
home year homo," and A. 
Slopbb felt he oaght to pack 
his tnmk ander these circam- 
stanoes, for there was no 
knowing how long it misht 
he for. He pat in his other 
collar and a few bricks to 
give weight, and some extra 
ombrella bones, and the 
other collar and a few bricks 
for appearances' sake, and 
the other collar and a trifle 
of office stationery, and, as 
he believes he has previoasly 
mentioned, the other collar, 
besides a few bricks. 

Would it be believed that A. Slofxb got into onpleasantness 
aboat that tnmk ? Bat he anticipates. 

Upon the afternoon of the day fixed for his trip, A. Slopeb 
was not absolately provided with the fere down (once there, he 
did not see how it was going to cost him anything), and he 
begailed the time at Oxe nulway station looking oat for a casual 
acqaaintance, who might contribate towards inmiediate ex's. 
In the meanwhile A. Slopsb flourished an early copy of Juot 
with some amoant of ostentation. It was a Taesday, and the 
copy A. Slofxb carried had been snpplied to him by an indi- 
"^aal attached to the Judt office (the office boy, in fact) some 
time earlier than any copies are issaed to the pablic ; and this 
may have led to a certain amoant of violence on the part of 
Messrs. Smith & Son's yoong man, who, observing A. Slopbb 
floating aroand the bookstall rather lengthily, made a dash at 
him, and asked him where he had got that Judt from, and whom 
he had paid for it. 

H A thing of this kind is calcnlated to annerve, and a capitalist 
Slofxb fcpows chancing to come ap, there were refreshments at 



GROSS OUTRAGES UPON A. SLOPER. 

the bar. Sabseqaently negotiations took place, and A Slofxb 
foand himself in a position to pay for a ticket, if there was yet 
time to take one. ^ 

There was jost time, with a rosh, and he got the ticket Next 
moment, however, he missed the tnmk. A nuntliarity with con- 
temporary history natarally led him to the condosion that the 

mpiaht eif thA hncks had 

late, and 
batvalae 
^ifsaing 
1 his at- 
sd to an 
I certain 
on the 
lestion. 
polished 
L. Slofxb 
t the sex, 
ly female 
. not re- 
lenignant 
ntimated 
Id go in 
md BOg- 
l go am 
le. She 
. Slofxb 

„„ . it of his 

mind, and grasping the cord 
tied nmnd the trank, tagged 
at it with aU his might Next 
moment an ombrella fell 
npon the erown of his hat 
with afearfdl concassion— • 
and all was darkness 1 
* * ♦ # 

Wheo A Slofxb returned 
to the sarfeoe confasion pre- 
vailed, and he was bemg 
asked why he strack a poor 
woman old enoogh to be his 
mother. Also, he was led to 
nnderstand he had been try- 
ing to steal a box, and had 
been loitering aboat the sta- 
Outn«eN«.j. tioii for tiiat porpose the last 

hoar and a half. Messrs. 
Smith's yonng man spoke to this, and a polioeman began patting 
Slofxb oat. 

At this very moment, howeveir, his eagle eye detected another 
trank, in the distance, strongly resembling his own, afid instinc- 
tively he knew it was the old lad}r*s. ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ 

Hoars have passed. By this time, that miserable iM woman 
mast know that the error was hers, and not A. Slopbb's. He 
hopes she likes the bricks, and is welcome, aader the oircam- 
stances, to the extra bones, the stationery, and even the other 
collar. Mrs. Slofxb is now basy altering the old girl's things to 
fit herself and oar yoang femily. 
Of what, then, does A. Slofeb complain ? the reader asks. 
Can't yon anderstand? The nmbrella the old girl hit him 
with was Slofxb*s own. He left it on the tnmk, and she has it 
now. 

Up to the moment of going to press, A Slopxb don't at all see 
his way clearly to get oack that nmbrella withoat more an- 
pleasantness. 

Slopbb, MoraUit out of Collar. 




A CHAHeB OF (H)ATTIBB. 
H.RH. the Pbinoe of Walxs, who, in all matters affecting 
the comfort of those with whom he comes into contact, is Idnd- 
ness itself, has conferred a boon on the London Police, by nsmg 
his inflaenee to get them provided with a new kind of helmeC 
which is a protection to the head against the hardest knocks. 
The old helmet was lined with tin^ to protect the scalp, bat the 
new helmet is lined with cork, and is lighter to wear and vastly 
snperior as a shield against heavy blows. It seems safficimtly 



obvioas that the very worst material to protect a policeman's 
head against a heavy blow from a drunken cough would be fdt 



The Book of the Setuon. — Demy Svo, lUuttrated Wrapper in 
Colours, by Adklaide Claxton, post free, Is. 2id, " THERE 
AND BACK," 0ns Shilling, Containing some hundreds of 
Comie Pictures. To be had of dU Booksellers and Newsagents ; 
at aU Railway Bookstalls ; and at " Jvdy** Qfffee, 78, Fleet 
Street, E.C 



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164 JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEBIOXJOMIC JOURNAL.. [At>0w 16. 1876. I 



A SUGGESTION FOR THE SEASIDE CAD.-"BINEING" ON THE PIERS. 

Whf n»tt If it wert dont Mt way. At whole Mnj could hardly he made muck more drtadf»l Aa» it it now. 



BEAUTIES OF A BANK HOLIDAY. 

(ftom MYeral Biflsrwit Point! of Ylew.) 

Avm Mrt. ToDGiRs* Poinl of View, 

WBATdalthink of the Buk Holiday f— Don't I think it a Blewlng 

and a Boo« jlo Mankind? Oh, Til Boon tell yon what / think : Drat 

yoitt Bank H«tt4if, ihmt'9 what / think, drtUiit . There ! A pretty 

state of ihinfp it |mts ns in for, don*t it ? A nice thing a lettnoe ia^ 
ain't it f. when jpm has to- li^ it in on the Satmday night ! So's a Uuno 
kidney, if you ooime to that, thii weather, when a chop eren, much less 
kidneya, wcn\t keep. A pair o* soles, too, I rather gnets, is better boaght 
f^eshfrom yonr Kondaio^termonger, when you want 'em— not laid np in 

iee from the Satnrday Quiet of the streets, indeed ! Pah, giro me 

my regular bbttemdngeTS ! Why, here's my '* Post-floor " bin an* give 
noBoe this ssiMrDiB' all tbroagh his kidneys ; and the foreign party in the 
parlotilni says' if **deese meeserarble Lon-don yeel no geeve de feesh 

t^thont de stoenk "— sbe'U take *er *ook back to Parry. Then there's 

Bktst Hahv, too ! Why, she never wanted more than her Sunday 
Hevenng's Hooting, now she takes her Bank 'Olliday withont so mnch as 
with yoor leoTe. Oh, I're no patience with sich new fangled rubbish as / 
calls yoor Bank Holidays ! Drat *em, says I, drat 'em ! * * 

WkeU Mn, MBXCHA5iao sayt. 
Ah* shore what t spake is gospel thrath, Pat ; shure it's tight ye are 
iniirely an* y6*Te spint irery penny ye amed the' 'ole week wid je blay- 
goard bankrholidaytng and now ye wants me to take me last propntty in 
the wide wide worrald — my flat-ironi ye m'hurderin* spalpeen an' meself 



an* the b'hoy starrin' an' it's at your black-hearted wicbed head I'll throw 
itfiistan'—weU, take it, then, tote i«/ ♦ ♦ ♦ • 

From the Lord Duvdrbart's Point of View, 
Ta-as, dear boy, gweatest notion out, this— aw— Bank — aw— what-d'ye- 
call-it ihing? Wegular — aw — wight-down— weal— aw —good thin^, Y 

know ! Aw — tell y' why. Well, fact is, fond of good snoose — can t 

get good snooze. . . Why ? Well, confounded costermongers 'fonnded wow 
ih morning...... no confoanded costermongers Bank Holiday momin*, no 

'founded wow. . B-Bl^ B^Bank Hoiidajs, b-bless 'em ! * ^ 

The Bon, Olara Vxri dx Ykrb's Aecouni of iL 
Brallt, too. bad of Mamma, tel^raphing for me to come and visit hoc at 
Bastboume on such a dreadful day as thU/ Poor Mamma may hare 
thought she was *' going o£F''— " off the ho^s," yoo know ; but, really, 
Oren (mthcU melancholy occasion she shoold not expect one' to travel on a 
Bank Holiday !..... .Shall I erer sorriTO those awful people— those O" 

dreadful — but where, oh, where is. my smelling-bottle I * • * * 

What W. Sprouts, Etq. , Costermongers 'aayt, 
Tah ! Don't talk to the likes o* me bout jer Bank 'Olidays! Blow yor 
Bank 'Olidajs, is the sentyments of WitLtUM S^aOtrs, Hetiduire. Why, 
look 'ere, now, wot's the good o* mea-cryittg **Solte o'ttre f iwhen there ^"t 
a soul alive left in Town to boy *em-^hevery blessed customer boff on the 
rampage Bank-*olidaying at their Margits, and BitrosgitS, and Brfghtons, 

and Grystial Pallises, and sich like? Tah I Besides, too, I r^'Ur 

misses my cry ; I loses my 'ealth and 'appiness without my bawl 

A-ha I wait till termoner oomes, though— jest wait till toosday morn- 
ing I Wun*t I je$l make up for it then neither I * * * 



PURE! SOLUBLE!! 
i I ! BEFBESHIN6 



GADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



CAUTION, 



tki ewpitiM 
mtwed wink 



^^M^^Tm 



W^ 



/7L 



OBUWEAffB hTUBNED UP NIB 



TBESB PENS 
Wm suit et«ry hand, 
and can be obtained 
in 6d. k la. Boxes at 
all Stat oner«\ or jbj 
post for 7 or IS 8t amps 
from the 

M^NDFACTt'aca, 
BtRMIN'OUAU. 



Piibliahed bv tha Fkoortot «-, at 78, Fleet SttMt. E.C. Printed hv Woodv<ll h Xnn>«R. MUford Lane^ Strand, W.C— WsDNiarAr, August M, 1878L 



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Atoott 28, 1876.] JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEBIOuCOMIO JOURNAL. 



185 



H E-H AWt 

Oreat Pertonage (in thou Part$). Mt oood Hav, is ibebi a Oabruoi Soas vt tbs Cur ahtvbiu boukd that Pom t 
Man. Naw ! bvt tbsbb bs a Dobkit Path, ir that'll avn 'sb ! 



Q"IN THE CORNER. 

Aftbb fortj jean, the name Dis&asli disappears in bononr from oar 
Parliamentaiy records. Haviog had, dariog a quarter of a century, affec- 
tionate esteem for the man as well as the politician, one may be permitted 
to express gratification that one's feelings are now shared by all. 
To me, it is no surprise that h^^, who, as a new member, was refused a 
hearing by the House ef Commons, now goes to the House of Lords 
Leader of the nation, and applauded by his countrymen without distinction 
of party. Those who remember the Tident and Tirulent abuse and 
slander to which in years past he was subjected, not only by his oppo- 
nents, but by Tory organs in the press, cannot help smiling at the uniTcrsal 
chorus of congratulations with which his translation to fthe Upper House 
has been greeted. One prominent Opposition, paper describes him who 
used to be ^'anlshmaeUte" and '<an aUen" as "the most Bnglish of 
statesmen;" one maintains that he Is himself what he deaoribes 
another to have been, " the best member of Parliament that ever liyed ; " 
nnd one predicts that "so long as he llres there Is OTory probalnlity of 
his continuing at the head of affidra." 
What discoreries are bebg made at the present moment 1 

If the stars in their course hare fought for the great Leader whom the 
House of Commons has just lost, those excellent celestial luminaries, it 
must be confessed, showed proper discretion in the selection of their 

Pinii eorcncU cpui / The end crowna the work 1 Mr. DisRiEif 8 
career has benefited humanity, inasmuch as it has shown it what patience 
and perseverance united to genius eaa accomplish. The high-bred gentle- 
man who enters the Upper House as Barl ov BiAooHsriELD may, moreonr, 
lioast what few who hare been " eloTated '* under such dreumstances are 
iible to. Be Km never made an enemy of a friend. Most of us will 
recollect how Lord Johh Bossill more than onoe turned round upon his- 
colleague, Lord Palkbrsvoh, and how, in rerenge. Lord Palmbrstoh 
repaid the compliment by tuning round upon Lord Johv Bubsill. 
But we haTe the testimony of ^ late Lord Dsrbt— and he was 
one who knew what honour is — that, during the long period he and 
Air. DisRARU had political relationdilp, he had nerer known another 
with such ohiTalrons notions of political honour. 



Nor does Mr. Disrasu leare his party disabled by the step he has 
taken. There are unmistakable signs that the eountry has confidence in 
the Cabinet. It seems to me that the only party now existing^ is the 
paHy of Bngland headed by Mr. Disrarli. * « • 

Caps off for the new Barl of BRAOORsriiLD. Q. 



BBWAILUieS FBOM buxtov. 

HoTRLS, as foil as the Judt office dn publishing day. 

Waiters, ineomprehoisible, and mostly yery double Dutdh. 

The nataral baths hare the most unnatural attendants. 

In the warm baths you are always in hot water. 

The water of St. Ahh'b WeU, with a little whisky, lemon, and sugar, 
would make decent hot grog. 

The Crescent is so hot, it actually makes one cross f 

The '* Cottage of Content " would be pleasanter if it were not for the 
wasps 1 

Mr. Stavibt, of the Ikuly Telegragk, would be puisled to diaooTer 
the Post-offioe. 

To reach *' The Cat and Fiddle *' requires the energy of the " oow who 
jumped OTor the moon." 

There is only a single copy of Judt taken in the reading-room at the 
Gardens, insUmd of a dosen. 

After all, there is no pUoe like home and Kentish Town. 



THB 8BAT OF WAB. 

The other day a newspaper announced in its war news thai "at 
Sofat had arrired at Nisn." It is weU understood that the Sultan 
always sapphes his camps with Ottomans, but it is not so widely known 
that the camp equipage' of eren an indulgent or laiy Turk indudes a 
sofa, decked with anti-macassars and cushions. Our " Special " has re- 
moTcd any doubt we had on the subject by assuring us that the statement 
Is " rig^t to a T." 

NiW8 from Cape Town says that "the aspneetof aflhin at Iiydenbug 
Is serious, and that the chief burgers are allying." Periiaps it Is not to 
be wondered at, considering their abode, but, in truth, it ^nust be 
admitted, that it Is scarcely neoessary to trard to Afiioa to find bnigen-ea 
who hare a lying Cape-adty. 



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JUDY, OB THE LOinX)N gfiBlO-QOMIO JOtTEQJAL. [Auoitbt 28, 1876. 



A GBOWL FEOM A GEOUSE MOOE. 
To Judy. 

Scotland, August, 1876. 

ESPECTED MADAM, 
— As a Conservatiye, 
and Perfect Lady, I 
venture to address yon. 
Ab, Madam, where, oh 
where, are " The Good 
Old Days " yon and I 
Fo well remember ? 
Gone, Ma'am, gone, 
alas, never to return ! 
At the same time, may 
I-—/, though only a 
few poor paltry dozens 
of acres of Moorland 
— ^ventnre to wish we 
had jnst a few of *^m 
left. For, belieTe me, 
Ma*am, we poor Grouse 
Moors stand terribly 
in need of them. 

I should be afraid 
to say how many 
'* Twelfths" hayeconle 
and gone since fasti 
heard the crack of 
guns, and became con- 
scious of my poor little . 
inbahitastB wUng to 
the deadly aim of i)oble 
sportsmen. Speaking; 
as a Moor, lihink I 
may say I have had as 
long an experience as 
an^ in Scotland, loid 
this experience should, 
give weight to the Tern 
serious ehaigea I am about to advanee against oectaia " noUe 
sportsmen " oi these days. In " The Good Old Days " I have 
above alluded to, I was always shot over by Sportsmen and — 
Gentlemen; these parvenu and shoddy days — and they become 
more parvenu, more shoddy year by year— I am rented and shot; 
over by the most extraoidjnary SpKoiMSKs^neither Sportsmen 
nor Gentlemen. But comparisons in such a case are too odious ! 
*' Sportsmen," indeed I Wealthy Cockney tradesmen from 
London, Liverpool, and. Manchester, who probably aever saw a 
gun before .that last successful coup in bristles, or pickles, or 
whatever " line" their trade was in which enabled them to *' do 
the correct thing," and '*reiit a Moor." And, '*Qentlemen/" 
Goodness save the mark! Would a Gentleman, I ask you. 
Ma'am, who, so perfect a Lady yourself, are so' good a judge of 
what is good in the opposite sex— would a Gentleman, I say, 
bang away both barrels at random, maiming and wounding his 



bufds so shockingly— so cruelly, and leaving three out of every 
four unfortunate Grouse he fires at with just strength enough to 
get away to die a lingering, cruel, and miserabto death, from 
wounds and starvation, amid my heaths, instead of isleoting his 
tods and shooting them like a Gentleman— oiwn f As I write, 
Maam, the cries of these unhappy Victims pierce my ears; 
clinging, in their lingering, awful Death-agony, to my pitying 
bosom, the wistful look in their glazinir eyes, as they ffasn " Is 
<Aw Sport? "trsnsfixes my heart. ^ ^ ' J^8«p « 

Now, Madam, there are, I believe. Schools for Painting, 
Cookery, Riding, and other Fine Arts, why, therefore, why 
cannot these so-called " Sportsmen," if they must *« do the 
correct thing," take a few lessons " How to do it," before they 
are^ver permitted to rent 

A Gbousb Moob ! 



THE EVENING HOUB. 



By One who went fior a Change to a "duistFlaoe Inland, yonkiew.'' 

HxABT-a^oK of town, and all its nojse; 

Ol(jectin^ to the sea-side ; 
I sou^t this year more rural joys, 

By meadow-side and lea-side. 
Admitted— river, vale, and hilly 

Are nice, as ftr as <% go; 
But my bad luck nuBu^ me still, 

Whatever zoadl may go. 

Tis eve !— The day has been, and ffone : 

Has been, ^d |pone (and done it) ; 
The bunu^^iun, which all day shone. 

Has run his race (and won it) ! 
The night has come, and brightly dear 

The moon above is shining. 
Does any sound fall on my ear ? 

Yes — some one's dog is whining 1 

The stars are winking in the sky. 

And not a bird is waking; 
The trees raise their green arms on high. 

But scarce a leaf is disking ; 
How cool and calm— how grateful now, 

Miflht be the evening stiUness 1 
But, here, the way the cats **mee-ow" 

Would give a man an illness 1 

How fragrant is the balmy breeze f 

How fresh and pure the air is ! 
How grateful such perfumes as these, 

Wluwe sweetness never varies ! 
What odours on my senses fall ! 

My fancy's captive taken ; 
Clematis ?^jasmine ? Hang it all, 

Tis some one fiTing bacon 1 

[So the poor fellow packs his portmanteau, and ffoe» 
hack to London by the morning train^ 



ILLUSTRATED LITERATURE. 



"The Constable of France.' 



'• All in tbe Dark.** ** Sandford and Merton," with Cnts. 



* Never Aga n ! *' 



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f s ^ '.J 



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JUDY, OE THE LONIX)N SEBIC 



FINIS C O Rj 

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fflflC JOUKNAL.— ATOxrw 23, 1876. 



1^ A T OPUS. [&,«<i"i«(».iw. 

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iArOTftT 23,1876.] JTUDT, OB THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIO JOUENAL. 



191 



"CHAMPAGNE" CHASITY, AND— ANTOTHEE 

SORT. 

An Easy Emay, wifh an Easier Xoral. 

Scene I.— TA* Frmnasan^s Tavern. Time 7 pji. 

Calipash (of the St*eh Ex^K^nge, loquitur), WeU, you know, 
I really must con^ss I doVike a Pablic Dinner, that is, of conrae, 

when it's given for ** a Charity." Yea, really a moat excellent 

menu! ** And the wines?" Oh. Tes, you may depend on the 
wine here, you know.....*.^ 

most unexceptionable .1 

please Eh? Well, It] 

same ceal ! 

SosNE. — The same, only an 
hour later. 
Calipash (loquitur). 
Yes — capital dinner — 
first-rate tipple. Tried 
that Hockheuner? No, 

then ^— at onoe Ah^> 

yes, I must say I do like 
a dinner like this. The 
lot of good fellows one 
meets ; tho or iftnonnt 
of good-heartedness and 
— er— yes, and, as you 
ny>goodmn«--Eh? Yes, 
ril takb another, I think, 
and I'U trouble yon to 
passtfae...;....^ 
I ♦ ♦ * * 

ScfiHE.— ^n^ same, an hour 
later. 

Calipash {loquitur). 
Cert'nly, dear boy, cert^ny. 
Yesh, quite agree wifii 
you, quite. Sweet, indeed, 
sweet is dinner — 'specially 
jolly good dinner like tbish 
dinner jolly compan- 
ions eY*ry one Grand 

institution. Freemasons, 
sir; grander still their 
Tavem, bey? Ha! ha I 
B-heautiful is Cha- 
rity ! how t- truly beautiful 
when it goes with real 
turtle! How t-truly noble 
the emotions of the bene- 
volent heart when bound- 
ing to Champagne corks ! 
How one's real na- 
ture, as one may say, pops 
out with Pkbbieb Jouet, 
and, although, perhaps 
when even Mumm's the 
word, how doth one's 
tongue wag merrily!...... 

Ah, yes, we are all like mel 
glasses /......Yes^ yes, sure 

soup-ladle in her mouth»] 

weaned upon Champagne. 

especially when served up \ 

don't mind just one more 

speech was that of our nobxe cmurmaa i w nai was It ae saia — 

"^is dat, qui dto dat"? Quite so, and a most deserving charity is 

this '* Fund for providing the Inhabitants of Central Africa with 

Woollen Comforters! " Yes, indeed, and here, sir, here is. my 

little cheque for Fifteen— Fifteen * * * 

Scene II. — The Morning a/i^— Calipash's Room in the Oity — 
Calipash discovered at his Desk. 

Calipash {loquitur)., Confound that Charity Dinner last night ! 
How seedy I do feel, to be sure ! And what an ass I did make 
of myself! Fifteen guineas, too, all gone! What a fool Tve 



been, and for that tomfooling " WooUen Comfertev'-Fund," too ! 

O Lor' h WeU, I must- screw, and swve it off vbmettiing else, 

thafs all! Now {taking up letters) for buaneaB! SbHee^!) 
{seUoting one). Why, what's this— iMor^ Charity? {Opmm and 
reads letter.) 

'^HosPiTAi. Satubdat Fund This Tear's CoUeetioii has been fixed' 

for the 2iid September. The Ckmnoil has had agaon afforded treiy 

facility for the droolation of Collection Sheets thronghovt all the depart- 
ments, branches, and offices of the Post-Office^ the Police, the Fiie 
Brigade, fonr of the great Dock Companies, five JKaUway Oompanifle^ 

*l trading and 
thousand finns 
their assistance 
agiun granted 
e is, therefore, 
rrday Collection 
wed those of 
yeat*, so that 
B we shall he 
ur to Hospitab 
iea will be coa- 
lewe shall still 
ng within reseh 
ling poor the 
unUig Hospital 



Lh I Yes, a 
of course, a 
' — something 
Charity, this 
I Saturday 
I Rather dif- 
7? — to the 
L gave my fif- 
As to last 
ear me, now, 
» to— hey? 
it, though, 
guineas were 
> ready money 
just now; and 
' giving 'em 
"Fund for 
e Inhabitants 
Africa with 
Comforters"! 
ul, you faiow, 
Bve— hey 1—1 
believe we all 
little too much 
bund that sort 
,- say I; yes, 
our " Cham- 
ty''!.....,Eh? 
Bs; to be sure ; 
ough! What's 
e 23rd August 
his Collebtion 
in the 2nd of 

h! H'm, 

Yes, of 

the 2nd of 



) '* ^OBPITAL 



Axe *' having it ont ; " 
Though no one, at present. 

Knows what they're about. 
But in spite of the '* stories " 

Conveyed by the mails, 
You'll not catch old Tories 

By salting their tails I 

Thi Seaside Trip Every One takes during his life — ^From Babbi- 
oombe to Gxavesend. 
r A Drop Too. Much— Mabwood's long' drop. 



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192 JUDY, OE THE liONIX)N SEEIO-COMIC JOURNAL. [Aoausx 28, 1876. 



NURSERY MORALS. No. 

I OWN it is eztramelj gratifjing to me to know that no well-rega- 
latadmineiy is now thought to be complete without a copy of these 
mcnral observations, and that they are f oond to do a great deal of 
good to the young ladies and gentlemen for whose benefit they aie 
written. It makes me feel as thoogh I had not worked in vain. 

Indeed, without some self-saorihdog persoa of my sort sets 
people right sometimes, and explains away popular errors, there 
would never be an 
end to ignorance. 
Take, for instance, 
the lamentable non- 
sense talked about 
the jp0fU2^sex,and the 
wilful and wickedly 
misleading state- 
ments madere^ect- 
in^ its iovingness, 
guileles8neBs,sweet- 
ness of disposition, 

An elderly lady I 
know tells me there 
is not a dri in a 
hundred who is half 
enough whipped 
while young ; and I 
can quite believe 
her,as I also believe 
that a good lot more 
whipping would 
have done her her- 
self some good too. 

I myself have 
been in my time 
something of a 
lady's man, and 
have had my grand 
passion, as the 
French say, and 
made my noble sa- 
crifices, such, for in- 
stance, asridiug out- 
side to oblige a lady. 
But I know woman 
now for what dhe 
is. I shall always 
be willing, nay, even 
happyi to take her 
to the play, or to a 
little dinner, or for 
a day in the country 
("mioisthisvou're 
talking of, sfar?" the 
author's wife, who 
chances to be look- 
ing over the author's 
shoulder, indig- 
nanthr inquires), but 
I will not guarantee 
anappearanoe in the 
arena on her behalf. 
I don't care to fight 
("Ton know you 
can't, dear," the 
author's wife oh* 
serves). I prefer 

not to lay down my life for a smile, as the young gentlemen did 
in the age of chivalry. They were very young, some of those 
yovmg gentlemen— very voung indeed. 

What reoompense would a kerchief firom the Queen of Beauty 
have been to me, X should like to know, if I had had an ear or 
nose lopped off in the fight ? and I expect the victor comes off not 
unfirequenfly wiUi some ugly bruises. And then, suppose I had 
not been the victor— how then ? It is very certoin every one 
could not have been victorious, and I am more than half inclined 
to beUove the remit of the combat was a matter of indifference 
to half the Loveliness looUng on* 



8.— dn Woman ai a Herciless juiTn^ T 

Isitnotsonowa-days? Whflst the drummer boys are rub* 
ardubbing, the brass instrumento braying, the fifes shrilly piping, 
whilst the sun shines brightlv on the red coats, I can understand 
a thriU passing through the femate heart, and the eyes of beauty 
filling with tears. Even I have not been able to see the brave 
fellows depart from the garrison town without a certain emotion, 
and I have noticed a kind of spitefulness to pervade the female 

society left behind, 
so that the civilians 
seemed not to have 
gained much by the 
withdrawal of their 
soldier rivals. 

But does not one 
regiment succeed 
another very quick- 
ly, and does the re- 
collection of the one 
that marched away 
remain for ever un- 
impaired? Not that 
I know of. 

Again, the hero 
who returns with a 
leg or so wanting, 
can hardly be sur- 
prised if he is not 
as warmly wel- 
comed, and this 
young men with 
heroic tendencies 
fthouldbearin mind. 
The marching away 
with flags and music 
is very e£EiBctive ; 
the hobbling home 
isn't. 

Woman, as a rule, 
is a cruel and mer- 
cileas animal, 
invariably spitefhl 
to the weaker mem- 
bers of ite own sex, 
and also pretty fre- 
quently to the male. 
In the accompany- 
ing illustration may 
be observed two 
} onng persons look- 
ing on at a tourna- 
ment — or rather, 
not looking on, be- 
ing better employed 
talking of crochet, 
tatting, Berlin wool- 
work, or something 
equally interesting, 
whilst in the fore- 
ground two devoted 
noodles are ham- 
mering each other 
to death. 

The roses intend- 
ed for the victor 
have fallen down un- 
heeded, and doubt- 
less this inattention is owing, in a ffreat measure, to the tardiness 
of the movemeltts of the parties fighting. When ladies used to 
take a holiday and go to see this kind of thing in the good old days 
of the Roman Empure, the^ liked a little bloodshed. Look at 
that clever Frenchman's picture in tha print-shop windows, where 
one gladiator has his foot on another's throat, and looking up at 
the audience, seeks to know their wilL Is he to plunge his deadly 
steel into the shrinking form beneath him, or shsll he stav his hand ? 
If it is to be mercy, the ladies will hold up their hands; if death, 
point downwards with their Uiumbs. Look for yourself at the 
thumbs. Which way are they pointed ? Down, of course I 



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AvevM 28, 1876.] JUDY, OS THE LOKDQN SEBIGMCOMIO JOURNAL. 



193 



ALLY SLOPE R AMOKQTHE MURDERERS. 



Alab 1 it bnt too often happens in this vale of tears that the 
Innocent suffer for the Guilty. 'Tis frequently so wit^ A, Slopbb. 

Strolling amidst fragrant meadows, and 'twixt ftym^ihedge- 
rowsy some little time ago» in a simple snbarb,/ A^l Stopsa eame 
upon a weak plaoe in some palings, and scrambled thnmA^npon 
his bands and knees. He found himself; to his snrpriseTin w nat 
appeared to be a well-stooked orchard. He found ros^ fruit 
growing upon a branch within his reach, and gathedsg it, was 
astonished to find it was an apple. ' ^ ; . 

** How pleasant this is! " ssM A. Slopbb, when he had glanced 
fotllid to see if any one was lo<ik]ng. " One might be miles ^ay 
inapeacefal valley nestiing among blue hills. I wonder if ^ 
was to take a few home in 
my coat-tail pocket, whether 
Hus. S. could make a pudding 
of them 1" 

Some people have i^o soul 
for the beauties of nature, 
and simple rustic enjoyments 
are thrown away upon them. 
This is not so with A. Slopbb. 
The bees wen buzzing in the 
golden sonshine. The blue 
canopf^Vb. KbnbIlt used to 
talk to . much about was 
spread aloft A kind of su- 
nreme joy filled the hsfurt of 
Uie eminent Utteratem: who 
contribute this article, imd 
seemed to urgd him on. | 

He apprtMu^ed a* wall 
wUch separated him from . ' Th« Oroap. 

what appeared to be a fruit 
garden, with a lot of plums 
m it, and began to climb over. 
Then a voice said, — 

« Yon impudent scoundrel, 
where the deuce are you 
coming to ? Confound you ! '* 

** 1b not this the way into 
thehi^ road?" inquired A. 
Slopbb. 

<<No, H isn't!" said the 
man the voice belonged to. 

" Oh ! " murmured A. Slo- 
pbb, " I thought it was ; " and 
he then retired, dropping an 
apple by the way. ..c,..j 



have been ^alluded to at all in this widely-droulated journal if it 
had not been for the grave results which hare ensued. How 
little do we know now-a-days, when we are photographed, what 
use^ may be mi^e of us if we do anything remarkable! When 
it is casually mentioned that within a week of this event one of 
the females of the happy funily wfis put upon her trml for the 
fiendish ^murd^ of the other female, the male, and the inno- 
cent.babe, andlhat in consequence of A. Slopbb's unfortunate 
interference wiHr fte scenery . he has been accused of being an 
accomplioe befons the act by all the pennji; papers, the sitnation 
of A. Slopbb ma^ be partially^xiBalive^ ^* n 
A. Slopbb does not wish to hurt that aoittteur photographer's 

feelinffs by cntioal remarks 
upon the result of his worir. 
He prefers to pass it over in 
silence, and is glad to hear 
he has made a pretty good 
thing by it, which may doubt- 
less, to some extent, have 
consoled him for his friend's 
loss. But A. Slopbb takes 
"Th&B opportunity to publicly 
piv^st gainst the wav he 
hf^.q^me out, and the whoUj 
erroneous impression it is 
likelv to makeupon the public 
mind, it having been suf(gest- 
ed that A. Slopbb is pomting 
} out the Innocent Babe as his 
first victim, whilst he rolls 
his eye with vindictive blood- 
thirstiness. This is entirely 
false, and altogether owing to 
the wretched incompetency 
otthat miserable amateur. 
' Slopbb, 
Fatally 
f Photographed 

MordliH. 



' The DUboUcftllResult. 



A little firther downt the 
same lane he came upon a 
charming villa, and looked 
over the wall. Within the 
^(arden n^s a family group, 

consisting of two f^maJes end a male. One of the females, fo 
judge by her atlitude, which enpreEEed devote dness blended 
with affection (the present Mis. S. was tsken that way once at 
Boshexville, in the same frame with A. Slopef — ^the two for 
sixpence), was the wife of ihe male, whilst his mother, at a short 
diEtance, smiled benignantly upoh the pair. An innocent babe, 
seated in a flower-bed, cooed and crowed the coo and crow of 
happy infancy. ^ 

Tbe sight of this family gladdened Slopbb's heart, and the 
cooing of the innocent babe brought back the memorv of days 
long gone, when he (Slopbb) used to do so himself, and he leant 
over the wall and ezdaimed, "Ketchettyi ketchetty!" to the 
innocent babe. 

At this moment a friend of the family, an amateur photo- |r for 'One Penny 1 
grapher, unobserved by Slopbb, was in the very act of taking 
xhe group, and inadvertenthf included the writer of this article, 
^^hoitly afterwards there were words going on between the 
amateur photographer and the proprietor of the premises and^ 
A. Sijopbb relative to what business Slopbb had in shoving his 
l^astly ugly mug into the distant scenery a-spoiling of tiie 
view. 

This incident, being of a trivial nature, would most likely not 



ANOTHER 

' THETiLiyQ ivctBtinr. 

A. Slopbb begs to mention 
that his mors! and instruc- 
tive '' Kalendar for 1877 " is 
in a state of active prepara- 
tion, and will shortly be pub- 
lished. This stupendous 
Pehh*orth is supplied to the 
trade on reasonable 'terms, 
but parties who are weak 
enough to enoloee two stamps 
to A. Slopbb for a single 
copy are at liberty to do so.. 
Amongst the astounding Contents of Ally Slopeb'b "Kalendar' 
may be casuUJy mehtioned-^1. Fidl Particulars relatapg to Ally 
Slopbu's Lofve' Affair, hitherto locked up in A. Slopbb's Breast. 
2; A. Slopbb's Seasons of love. 8. An Original Piece of Music 
cbinpoeed by A. Slopbb. • 4. Some Account of the Misplaced 
Confidence of A. Slopbb in the, Miscreant Mosbs. 5. Natural 
History Notes and Botanical Obsi»rvations by A. Slopbb. 6. Be- 
mtoks^cencenang Love by) A. Slopbb, for the Use of the Softer 
Sex. 7^^ A Chaste and Elegant Design for a Kettle-holder, repre- 
senting A. SLdFBBin im Imposing Attitude. :8. SLOPsn's.Bumps. 
9. SiiVPBB's Worm : a Tate of Terror. 10. Slopbb's Cough Drops. 
II. An Essay .on .this Att of being Kicked. 12. A Singular Auto- 
graph ofA. Slopbb's. Id. The Yankee Maiden. And all this 
This is indeed a mighty agfe I A. Slopbu. 



The Book of the 8e<uon.^Demy tJto, lllmtraUd Wrapper in 
Colours, by Adblaidk Claxton, post free, Is. 2jd. " THERE 
AND BACK," one (nMIAng. Containimtf 9om hsmdreds of 
Oomio JHctwes. To b&nad of all Booksellers and Newsagents ; 
at all BaifkcayBookstaUs; and at'' Jhhy" Office, 73; Fleet 
Street, E,0. % . . 



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194 



JUDT, OE THE LONDON ^EIO^OMIC i JOUBNAIi: [Agatrw 20, im. 



THAT' YOU NO LUDY'S VTEDDINtJ T 0"U"R. 



0! this kind of thing. Luckily the good YemvianB (yon ean*t buy them at a halfpenny 
a box) are Tory steady on their feet. She thought it delij^tfnl, but they shook him 
a good bit. . 



What thbt Saw a* thb Foot ov tii 
McuFTAnr.r-**If wetwere to traT#like 
that,*' she said ; and he did not think it 
worth while to aigue the point just thsn. 



SHOBT MBMS. FOB SHOBT MBMOBIES. 



Muf. voE Habyist Time. — Omng to the extreme heat, which 
has affected oar American oousioB as well as ourselves, the 
Rhode Idand farmers have been mo#ing their grass by torch- 
light This torch system most be inconvenient enongh, bat to do 
the w(nk in the daytime is torcher. Any English farmer who 
thinks he might find this hint nsefdi is kindfy welcome to it 



A Pitt, too. — ^Mr. Butf, Q.O., proposes a tour in America, 
daring which he will enlighten the inhabitants of the United 
States on the subjects of Home Rule, brotherly love, the govern- 
ment of the tongqoy and other subjects. It seems pretty certain 
he is coming back again. 

• • 

Not Sayino Much. — Monsignor Oapbl, breaking tiie rule 
which has hitherto been so entirely kept by Roman Catholio 
priests, has been discoursing on the suligect of Ck>nfe8ston. 
" He sever heard," he said, " anything in the eonfeMional wliich 
might not be proclaimed on the housetops." But the difficulty !§ 



that the people who are most frequently on the housetops are 
bricklayers and plasterers, and Uiese, as a rule, don't m jn^ much 
what they listen to. 

• ■ 
Intsrkstino Fact.— It is not generally known that in the 
construction of the Indian Great Trtmk Railways, a good deal of 
the work is done by elepUaots. 

Thb Carriaok Famine. — The Portland Place oroasing- 
sweeper, who was thrown oat of work by the departure of ms 
customers from town, and has lately been writing letters to the 
papers, is, after all, only in the same position as other people. It 
is notorious that during the past, few months many a person 
once well to do has had to give up his *' broom." 

• 

Please to fiemember the Oroat 1 

<" Oytleri are dearer than ever ihie Ikaton.**) 
Bivalves make the palats moister, 
But we've always had a doubt— 
Succalent as is the oyster — 
Whether it's werth^sbelMng out " I 



PURE ! SOLUBLE 1 
1 1 1 REFRESHING 



CADBURY'S 

~ COCOA ESSENCE 



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IRCULAR 
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PnMUMibTttMFroBfMor, aft78,nMt8trMfe.l.O. Printed Inr Woootau * Ktwiw. lOKoid LttM, Stnnd, W.O—WsDmwAV, Avffoft Sli If^ 



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AxroiiBT 80, 18760 JUDY, OB THE LONDON SERIO-OOMIO JOURNAL. 195^ 

EXTRACT FROM A SEASIDE NOVEL, 

Latdy le/t wUh Judy, wU\ a request that ehs voM ptUdUh it at onee^ at ker own rkk. She deeUnet, 



*' Enough, Matilda; you do not l^ve 
me. You onlj chose me for my wealth 
and tank," Mid the Noble, Utteily. 



" No, no ! a thouaaud noes I** bunt 
from her overcharged soul, as she 
sank softly into his embrace 



They had reached the sanlmit of the cliff, and stood lovingly 

linked together. ** Then may 1, darling Matilda, in one short 
month, call you mine?" "NO !" shrieked a voice, and the dark 
form of Count Comobkels stood before them. He had fearlessly 
climbed the perpendicular f aoe of the cliff unperoeived. 



The men glared at each other but for one 
short moment, then simultaneously sprang at 
each other's throats 



The strugfl^o was fearful, but brief, 
for they had now got to the edge of 
the precipice. ' A shriek from Ma- 
tilda told that they had both toppled 
over the giddy height together. Aiasl 
alas I twoothergood men gone wxvmgl 



A TEBBIBLE TALE. 

rs > v.- i-k » MIHBwell-kBOiniTerMity 



r 



of a Lodging •hoiiae 
keeper is quite roffi- 
eient to guarantee the 
strict truth of this 
imly terrible Tale. 

We have had a 
bad season at Mad- 
borough-on-Sea, and 
my'* First floor" had 
b^n unlet until last 
week. It was then 
engaged by a singu- 
larly sad-looking, bot 
well-dressed and well- 
Inggaged gentleman 
of some five • and - 
thirty summers. He 
wanted, he said, quiet 
for his health, and 
my ** First-floor "for 
several months. The 
very sort of lodger I 
j liked. 

He had been with 
me nearly a week, 
when on Sunday morning, which happened to be a more particularly wet 
and melancholy Sunday morning ihan even the average of our Mud- 
borough-on-Sea Sunday moms, he sent down to say he wished to 
see me. I went up, and gently tapped at the door. A Voice, sounding 



(Note.— Here J UDT got impatient, and turned to the last page, to see 

how it ended.) Amongst those to see happy Alderman Blad- 

dbrlt and his blueing bride, Matilda, issue from the church, were two 
individuals who«e appearance might lead one to suspect that they had 
just recovOTed from a severe raUwavaoeident Beader, can vou imagine 
that these two fractured, crushed, mansled, misshapen beings were 
what remained of the onoe gay Noble and the dashing Count T 
■sasa= I I gasaaaaaaaaa^saaxaaagsesa 

strangefy sepolchzal through the keyhole, bade me *'Bnter." I 
entered. 

What did I see! ? T 

On one chair, plamd in front of the opea window, which oommaaded 
a fine view of our famoos two miles of mud, with a dhn — ^peculiarly so — 
penpectire of the sea in the tai — ^very far distaaoe, sat my "First-floor** 
Ledger. On another ehair, by his side, I saw, to my horror, a fat phial 
labelled '' Laudanum,*' a ditto of " Fruasio Add," and enough Antimony 
in a box to hare polished off the whole of our visiton ; wiiilst on a table, 
placed conveniently handy, reposed a six-chambered revolver, capped, and 
at full oock, and a brand-new set of raiors, numbwed for every day in the 
week, gleamed from the recesses of an elaborate yelvet-lined case. 

**ilLjdear sir," I began aghast^ thinking of my new Brussels, ''pray, 
pray don*t 1* 

He interrupted me by levelling the nx-shqoter full at my third waist- 
coat button, whilst his left hand, which grasped the razor marked '* Son- 
day,** waved me inexorably to a ehair. 

I took his hint ; also my chidr. 

"I have taken the liberty of sending for yon, sir,*' he said politely, 
but sepulchrally— I couldn't really have imagined a prosperous-looking, 
well-fed, well-dressed young man could keep such a voice about him — '* I 
have sent for you, my dear sir, to see me destroy myself. I am tired of 
life, and the event will occur in about five minutes. It is my earnest 
wish to make what little reparation I can for a misspent life ; and I 
desire to let my awful ending act as a caution and a warning to others who 
may want to succeed me in my career. Now you, sir, will be the medium 
of relating to posterity my awful ending." 

" But don*t you think," I said insinuatingly— for, besides my Brussels, 
he hid said he wanted my '* First-floor " for several months, and to go 
and blight my prospects like this was too shabby — ''don't you think you 
had better put it off till a more congenial season — ^November, now, is a 
nice comfortable month for that sort of thing — and, in the meantime, try 



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196 



JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOUENAL. [Auotbt 30, 1876. 



to cheer up and amuse joursclf ? Now I'll tell you what Til do— I'll lend 
you the whole of jny Jwund Tolumes o! the Wednesday Wag, the beat 
comic paper out, you know ; they will cheer you up, and make you roar 
again." 

A look of ghastly terror distorted his handsome features, and a spasm 
of acute agony conyulsed hia graceful limbs as I spoke ; and, had I not 
snatched it up juat in time, the Sunday lazoi wculd hare spoiled my 
Brussels there and then. 

Then he laughed a horrible laugh— sardonic, hoUow, dismal, despairing. 
"Liaten," he groaned, "to the Sad Story of my Life. To begin, I 

was bom " , , , , 

" A-ha r* I said, interrupting him to retail a joke, which I had read 
that very morning in the Wednesday Wag, as my own. ** No doubt ; 
thai is a way most of ua haye, I take if 

Another look of more ghastly terror distorted his handsome features, and 
a bigger-aized spasm of acuter agony convuJstd his graceful limbs as he 
heard the joke, whilat again I was only just in lime with the Sunday 

" For mercy'a sake," he cried, with ttars in his fine eyes, "don't do 

that aort of thing again ! 

But list, liat, oh, liat! i 

Swear it on thy sword ! " 
I didn't happen to 

have such a thing aa a 

sword, about me juat 

then, but I gave him ] 

the required oath on the 

Sunday raior. Thia 

aeemed to comfort him, 

and he proceeded : — 

"rwaabom comfort- 
ably, and grew to man'a 

eatat^ with everything 

that could be deaired. 

I waa a contented and a 

truly happy party. My 

parenta intended me for 

the Church, and looked 

forward to aeeing me in 

lawn aleevea. Alaa, why, 

oh, why, did I not obey 

them! Why, oh, why I! 

Alaa I Alas!! But 

brief Jet me be. One 

terriUe day — how well 

I recollect it!— I made 

a Joke, and sent it to 

a Comic ?f^r. It waa 

printed, and took the 

Town by stottn. I went 

to bed an embryo Bishop, 

I woke a full-fledged and 

famouaWag. From that 

moment my doom waa 

aealed ; the proprietors 

of the Comic Paper 

would take no denial ; 

they tempted me with 

fabuloua gold to become 
one of "the ataff." / 

/e22....B£attera gotworae 
and worse. I became more 
fallen, and was sucked in down the awful maelstrom of Comic Literature. 
I became a Comic Writer by trade, and, in due oonrae, rcee to be Editor of 
the Wednesday Wag, the only real « Comic ' of the day, though / aay it. 
Aa auch have I perpetrated during the laat dozen yeara milea upon milea 
of Comic Talea, Eaaaya, Sketchea, and political and aodal aquiba, whilat 
my Biddlea, Conundruma, Jokea, and Puna may be counted by the 
million ..Such a course, air, has turned my brain ; from being a happy- 
hearted, cheerful party, " full of hia fun," I have become worn out— 
literally threadbare. I ahudder now at a Joke, tremble at a Squib, and 

grow cold when I am made familiar with the dread preaence of a Pan ^ 

Where'er my trembling footatepa lead me I encounter the pallid, uaed-up 
ghoats of my own creation. At every dinner and au^mer table, at all 
reaorts, public and private, I am hymted by a thouaand gibbering pre- 
aentmenta of my own Comic oflfapnng in every guiae, form, ahape, and 
aize ; and the awful vernacular of the Comic Author for ever permeatea 

my maddened brain Noud, air, now be good enough to keep your eye 

on thia phial and me ! Ha, ha ! Tia all down, yet all'a U P. 

Now, air, be ao kind aa to watch thia aix-ahooter and me ! Now— On« .'— 
Two!!-Th !!! " * * 

Ton muat not miatake the Chamber of Horrors, at Madame Tu6FAUD*8, 
for an Aquarium because just now it has Fish in it. 
Men of ilark — Branded felona. 



LATEST FROM THE MOORS. 

"Mt Bibd, Sib, I thiitk!" 



":q?' in the corner. 

Tbe Liberal cause is lookiDg up. In the first place* Lord 
Cabjnoton has gone to its rescue, or, to speak with more 
flccnxacy. has sent his brother. This brother is a wonderful 
fellow. He wishes to succeed the Eabl of Beaoonsfibld in the 
representation of Bucks, and he shows us a touch of his quality. 
Lord Cabinoton is good enough to admit that Mr. Diseaeli is 
« a clever and a successful man." His brother, on the other 
hand, can hardly admit this, sinqe he arraigns the Ministir for 
having done everything they ought not to have done, and left 
undone everything they ought to have done. Foreign afiSsdrs 
have, it appears, been awfully mismanaged ; colonial matters are 
simply in a state of chaos ; and of home politics, " my brother 
HuFEBT thinks the less said the better." Mr. Rupeet Cabino- 
ton has heard that ''some ^ood measures" have been passed 
during the session ; but there is no credit due to the Conservative 
Cabinet. The *' good measures " have been " legacies from the 

last Biinistiy;" Qr 
hava been *' moulded 
into forni " by the 
Opposition; or, are 
"inoperative." I 
wonder the whole 
country does not rise 
against the incompe- 
tent people Mr. Hu- 
PEBT (and that despe- 
rate Radical Lord 
Cabinoton) declare 
unfitted to be at the 
head of affairs. As 
for Buckinghamshire, 
it would be odd if the 
electors, who for more 
than thirty years have 
declared themselves 
Tories, were now to 
stultify themselves, 
and send Mr. Rupsbt 
to succeed Mr. Dis- 
BABLi, although, aa 
Mr. RuPEBT remindfl 
us, his family have 
been " in connection " 
with the great and 
historical county for 
the tremendously long 
period of half a cen- 
tury! 

One Cabinoton is 
in the House of 
Lords; another Ca- 
binoton is member 
for High Wyoombe. 
Surely Buckingham- 
shire will not tlunk of 

sending to the Legislature another Cabinoton ! Enough is as 

good as a feast 

Another reason why the Liberal cause is looking up is the 
discovery, made, as far as I can discover, ten or twelve days ago, 
that Lord Debby— is a fool I People in Athens tired of hearmg 
Abistides called "the Just," and it seems that some people 
among ourselves have got tired of hearing Lord Debby caUed 
.**the Prudent." Human nature is just as human in August. 
1876, as it was 476 b.c., and so somebody, knowing this 
little peculiarity, hit upon the notion of giving out that the 
Foreign Secretwy is not what he ought to be. No sooner did 
the idea occur than every speaker and writer of the Liberal 
persuasion pretended to think Lord Dkbby's reputation was ill- 
gotten; that the noble lord is only half-saved ; that the sooner 
he is got rid of the better. "What an artful fellow the man must 
be who started the notion! 

WasitRupKBTC? 

♦ ♦♦•♦• 

It is rather consoling to think they cannot banish Lord Debby 
as their Liberal predecessors in Greeoe banished Abistides. Q. 



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AuOTST 80, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-GOMIC JOUENAL. 



201 



SHOET MEMS. FOE 8H0ET MEMOEIES. 
A BMFOBii IN FuKL.— Abundant petroleum wellB have, it is 
said, been disooyereil in Rassian Khokand. If these can be 
worked, as oil wells are worked in Philadelphia, it will speedily 
happen that the Khokand petrolenm of Bossia will advan- 
tageously affect the coke and coal of Great Britain, which is a 
consummation devoutly to be wished. 

Operatic— In the revival of Metekbekb's FropheU in Paris, 
a sk^ting-rmk was introduced, which it was said was much 
appreciated by Parisian opera-goers. This is only keeping up a 
reputation long since acquired. Skating-rinks and profits have 
been associated together ever since the &st were introduced. 

• 
• • 

StBANOB Omission.— From an official document recently 
issued, it appears that the sums sent to the Chancellor of the 
Exdiequer as "consdeace money" for the year ending March 
81, amounted to ^2,602 19#. 11<^. It is one of those appallmg 
mysteries which shakes one's £uth in one's fellow-creatures to its 
foundations, that these tander-minded people did not^ while they 
wefe about it, go the other penny. 

Almost SuFnoiENT.— -A French paper announces the approach- 
ing marriage of the Dukb of Connauoht with the eldest daughter 
of the King of Holland. This is very unlikely. There are 
grave and important state reasons why none of the British Royal 
House should marry a member of the Kino of Holland's family. 
The principal one is that he has no daughter ! 

The New Colour. — £cru, or yellowish white, the tint so 
much affected during the season, has now found its way into the 
linen^ and instead of snow-white collars and cuffs, it seems as if 
tiiose artideswill henceforth be preferred the colour of a badly 
washed handKerchief. This is more than ecru — to those who 
believe in spotless linen; it is S-oruel, 

Anothsb Matter which wants Keabramgino. — There has 
been a great controversy about "overs" at cricket, which it is 
suggested might be arranged by letting the two bowlers bowl 
each four balls from one end of the wicket There would be no 
extra fatigue for the bowlers, and less time lost in changing the 
position of the fielders. This may perhaps settle the question. 
But, after all, from a cricketer's point of view, the worst "over " 
in connection with the game is when it is over for the season. 

Best So.— Captain Webb has abandoned, at least for the 
present, his resolve to swim from Scotland to Ireland. The 
tempestuous nature of the passage across St. Oeorge's Channel 
is notorious, aad it is no wonder that, in the foce of such a sea 
as he would there encounter, even Webb shotild wave-r. 

Pews akd FoBMs.^At a meeting in connection with the re- 
opening of Bourn Church, Cambridgeshire, the Bishop of Ely 
argued strongly against the pew system, which he characterized 
as un-Christian, and even wicked. It is a little incomprehensible 
why a Bishop should meddle with the pews; unless, indeed, he 
does not feel at home in the pulpit. The form of worship at a 
church surely does not mean the article sat upon. ' 

• 
• • 

A VEBY PaoPBB Question foe Conbidbbation.^A contempo- 
rary, in a review of Dr. Monsell's poems, touches on the vexed 
question as to whether the abridgment of the word " Saint " 
should be S. or St As there are now no sinners to convert, no 
sick to visit, the great minds among the High Churchmen natu- 
rally give themselves to such important questions as this. It suits 
them — to a T. /, 

Who will Subsobibe ?— A society is being organized for the 
purpose of stocking uninhabited islands with pigs and rabbifs, so 
that shipwrecked sailors who happen to reach such spots may 
find an abundance of food awaiting them. If the society wishes 
to enlarf[e its scope, pray let it add to these other blessings the 
acclimation on such islands of mothers-in-law, water-rates, flies 
obimney-pot hats, and other redundancies of civilization. ' The 
shipwrecked mariners may not be quite so comfortable, but look 
at the relief to us at home ! 

• 

Horticultural Mem.—A gardener has succeeded, it is said, 



after several experiments, in raising roses as black as ink. His 
plan was to engraft a slip of a dark rose into an oak-tree, where 
it grew, flourished, and blossomed, the dark sap of Uie oak 
effectuallv colouring the rose black. This person's next experi- 
ment will be to graft an oak-tree on to a roscHBtem, and then see 
what happens. The plant is expected to bear a blossom some- 
thing between a rocking-horse and a barn-door. 



oxjfi Gourr contbibtjtor at heene bay. 

'"\ ERITING at Heme Bay, 
ll^ and leaving the Railway 
Station behind me (a por- 
ter had his eye on me at 
the time, or I shouldn't 
have done so), X was not 
80 maoh carried away by 
the appearance of the town, 
from &i8 point of view, as 
I was by a Iiondon four- 
wheel cai> — ^which, to my 
surprise, I found there 
waiting for me, and which, 
haying rumbled and tum- 
bled me over several hun- 
dred yards of a road con- 
Btmotod evidently with a 
view to the amelioration 
of the sluggishly livered, 
landed me, in a fe^ min- 
utes, safely, hut much 
shaken, in the, principal 
street of the town. 

The Bay, 1 think, is a 
place that everybody have 
made up their minds about, 
and very opposite minds 
■ they are. If you induce 
I an acquaintance to accom- 
pany you thither, it is ton 
^ to one, at the end of the 
first hour, he will either make a rush for his razors or the next train. I 
still strongly advise those who have formed an unfavourable opinion^if H^e 
place from the experience of others, just to run down and judge for them- 
selves ; my own idea is, that if you can do without niggers, and don't 
want to try your we^ht every half-hour, you may yet spend a few days 
very pleasantly at Heme Bay. Certainly, the country at the back is ex- 
ceedingly pretty, and you find nothing like it anywhere else cm this coast. 
The dnve to Canterbury — about an hour — la very delightful By the bye, 
a newly-painted four-horse coach has recently been started on this road, 
and is drawn by two horses, but I merely mention this i^ eeise JH has ea- 
eaped the notice of the driver. ^ 

I suppose the old conveyance, ij Mr. Sayxb, ^1 now be claimed by the 
British Museum. It is a most interesting refic oi the dark ages. I tried 
hard to extract from the proprietor some information as to its antecedente^ 
but he only muttered something about port wine and bitters ; however, 
when I explained to him how incompatible was this refreehment with my 
complaint, he did not pre* it 

Of course we have a Sink. It is conveniently situated in the back 
parlour of the *' Brunswick Hotel" A Sink is a very handy thing to 
have in the house ; though I think it well to mention, for the edifica- 
tidn of intending visitors to. this hotel— perhaps early retirers— that it is 
upon the ground-floor. 

We have a Pier Ml A very nice Pier, I think— a little weak about 
the ankles^ perhaps, but still very like any other pier of this realm. 

The Band is of the East Kent Militia. They play, I am told, exceed- 
ingly well ; but I cannot help thinking that if anything were to lumpen to 
the big drum, we should know more about it 

The Clock Tower is an object of interest (about dinner-time). Talking 
of '* objecte of interest, '* the left-off and other apparel trade is well repre- 
sented down here just now ; and I really think that, upon first-rate 
security, one might get a little accommodation on the spot, in the present 
easy state of the money market, at something like about fifty-etght above 
Bank-rate. 

Bathing is good here : the shore being shingle, the water is usually 
bright and dear ; and I should like to mention that the machines, provided 
by Mr. G^ipson, are patterns of cleanliness, and that the very moderate 
charge of sixpence is maintained. 

I am staying at Mr. White's, *' Little Dolphin Hotel," where I am 
most comfortable. The fact is, the hotels, and the whole neighbouriiood 
generally, are crammed. At the Beculvers they are bedding out, and as 
I do not want to be planted just yet, I altered my arrangemente. 

There are characters in the Bay of whom you shall hear semething next 
wdbk. 



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THE LITTLE HOLIDAY. 



1 . There wm once • little Clerk who sent in an ap(dication for a Mooth'a 2. Then bought • Suit of Dittos, raady made. ** Not fit, Sir ? Why, the back's 

Leave ol absence, and xaised Ten Pounds, at 120 per oenr., to>pend a perfect picture 1 ** 

on It. 



8. Then boogbt a Hat. "Toobbr, Birt Not at aU, I assure vou. They're 4. Then a Pair of Btout Boots. '<Ah! I thought you'd Uke 'em. G soiftil 

worn so now. Besides^ wttfa an old n e wsp a p w or two.in the lining— with that there Suit and that Hat.' 



5. Only, after all, the Chief Clerk said, " I hSTe not sent on vour applica- 6. So, now, the only thing left for him to do is to {.retend he does not mind, 

tion, Mr. TioKSR. beeanse, really, with the work in the state it is, I could and wear the Dittos after office hours, rub his face over with walnut jui< e, and 

not oooaelentloasiy ruoommend any one having any leave. And, Mr. Tickeb, pretend he has been Three Months at the Seaside. The little BUI has not come 

I would suggest that you did not come to the Office such an absurd figure." g^ue yet 



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Atotjbt 80, 1876.] JTJDT, OE THE LONDON SEEiaOOMIO JOTTENAL. 



203 



SLOPER'S SUICIDE 



Fob some time past considerable anxiely has preraQed amongst 

A. Slofeb's fiiends relatiye to A. Slopbb*s mental condition. 
A Slofbb has not been himself. 
He has hardly ever been heard abasing Mosss. He has not 

drawn his salary more than twice over in the same week for ever 

80 long. He appears to tab more freqaently. In short, he has 

not been himsdL 
It is trne that the giant mind has been severely taxed of late. 

The exertions he has made to prodooe his stapendoos penn'orth 

(Ally Slopeb's; 

" Comic 'i^iiUw«^«^ r for ' 

1877," 24 pages fall of 

pictores) have told | 

npon him not a little, ' 

whilst his ** History of 

Eminent Office Boys," 

which has long been • 

in preparation for thes^ 

pages, ninst have cost § 

him mebtaDy almost < 

as much Ms peoBniauly 

it has «e x4itiv#of / 

the most eminent fo|;^ 

tripe sappers and trim- 
mings when honooved 

by a nntdt from A* 

SLOPsiiiiot the p^poi^ 

of cofibcting infima- 

tiion, 
A cloud has been 

more than once plainly 

observable apon Slo- 

pbb's brow, and his 

ordinary absence of 

mind ^has been more 

mariced than ever. 

Twice has* he been 

found walking from 

the Qffice with a^parcel Horitatioa. 

of Judy's highly en- 
tertaining shming volames, evidently tmder the impression that 
he had some kind of right to them. Judy's head cashier, when 
he brought him sAd ike books back for the second time, said, 
« Look here, this ain't a pantomime ! " 

On Saturday last A. Blopkb was shaved as usual, and had his 
hair broshed at Professor KioYosai's establishment, at the Opera 
Comique. Yoa may get in either the Strand way, or by an 
entrance in Booksellers' Row, about a couple of doors from 
Mr. Smith's, the printHeller, over whose shop you may see 
suspended the last of the old shopkeepers' sijsns, overhanging 
the footpath just as it did when first put up. You may admire 
the sign, which has been newly gilt, and then step inside Pro- 
fessor Kioyossy's, and see A. Slopbb shampooed, which is one 
of the sights of London, and occurs every Saturday punctually 
at 1.45. . This is a thing not to be missed. 

Alas, how fleeting are human resolutions! very probably, 
when this article sees Uie light, A. Sloper's partorbed spirit 
may have sought repose in that bourne in which sham- 
pooing is strictly prohibited. It is A. Slopeb's intention to make 
away with himself. Ask him not why ! It does not matter. 
He may have been deceived in quarters where he placed his trust. 
He may have been spoken slightingly of in teetotal circles. The 
lips of sisters that pressed his hand with gentle fervour outside 
the Brighton Pavilion the other day, may have said untruthfal 
things of him afterwards, and these, reaching the ear of Mrs. S., 
flat irons and crockery may subsequently have reached the head 
of A. Sloper. Brother 'totalers may have gone about saying 
that he sold the sacred passwords for twopence, making a re- 
duction where a number were disposed of. 

Again, it may have had nothing to do with teetotalism. No 
matter now. On Saturday last, whilst the shampooing was in 
process, A Slopeb exhibited his usual cheerfulness, but later 
on m the eveniDg he was heard to wish himself dead. Whilst a 
friend of his youth was seeiog him home to the Waterloo Road, 
from Wellington Street, Strand, by way of Westminster in con- 



sequence of the toll, A Slopeb ashed his friend if he generally 
shived himself; and whether. hH ccnld lend him a good strong 
razor whic^ would sever bones. The friend of Slopeb's youth 
i^ered to lend him a spade, and words followed. 

Soaday A Slopeb spent in repeatedly biddmg farewell to his 
famfly, and in experimentalizing with beetle-wte. Beetle-paste, 
as a rale, has been known to Uu anything biu beetles ; bat it has 
its drawbacks, and is rather i#imdunited Idad of thing to have 
used when the inqnest sits on^oa afterwards. 

The difficolties 



Detennination. Animation. With re- 

spect to throat-catting, agaiti, the namber of persons who do the 
right thing by their windpipes is not proportionate to the namber 
who don't 

A. Slopes, therefore, with some amount of uneasiness, finds 
himself thrown back tipon poiwns, and asks himself which, as a 
mistake might make all the difference. Indeed, extraordinary 
as it may appear- almost improbable, indeed— -A Slopeb is ilie 
only person in the whole of the United Kingdom who, previous 
to the death of Mr. Bbavo, did not know that mtimonf^ hairt 
more than any other poison. 

It is true that he, in his time, like every] 
barristers (there is not one qf these alive w 
perused every line of Whatshisnaoie's boo! 
so much about, but somehow remained si 
speoting the properties of the poison in qn 
case of the late lamented Mr. Wainwbiohi 
such trouble by buying the wrons lime, 
have made that mistake too. With the ex< 
there is, probably, not a living soul in E 
right off, without a monMCafs hesitation, 
proper kind of lime to get for such a purpose. 

At the moment of going to press, A. Slopeb U still somewhat 
nndecided, but he has obtained, carefully prepared, a barrel of 
deadly explosives, on which he is at present seated in his back 
kitchen, whilst the youngest but two is heating a poker in the 
front during the temporary absence of Mrs. S., in search of the 
supper beer. Slopeb, Moralist, on the Move. 



The Book of the Season.— Demy 8t?o,, Illustrated Wrapper in 
Ooloursi^ iy Adelaide Claxton, post free. Is, 2id. " THERE 
AND BACK," One Shilling. Containing some hundreds of 
Comic Pictures. To be had of all Booksellers and Newsagents ; 
at all BaUway Bookstalls; and at'' Jvdy'* OJice, 73, Fleet 
Street, E.G. 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEBIO-OOMIC JOUBNAL. ikvavn 30, 1876. 



Some People do noi knew how to wuJse half at much out of a Seaside Trio cti othTt do. Now, here are a good and virtuoue Family ^ who eon onlff 
get one week^t holiday in the year, hut when (key go down they take all tAeir Meale on the Sands, so as to have m mAteh of the Sea AirJis potsibte. 



OFFICIAL.] 



ONCERNING 

' TBK KaXSMDAB* 

— Whilst re- 
fraining from 
/entering into the 
question of the 
troth of any of 
the various 
V statements 
y made overleaf 
bySL0PXB,JnoT 
feels it her datj 
to explain that 
the d^ath of 
Slopkb, in even 
themopt excm- 
oiating , agony, 
will have no A- 
feet whatever 
upon the pnblir 
oationof his 
««€k>mio Kalen- 
dar/Vso £ur as 
any delay in its 
appearance is 
ooneerned. 
Whether Slo- 



FSB be alive or dead, the " Kalendar " will positively oome out in 
three weeks 'time. 

•Whilst despising Slopes as a man (which is only natural wiym 
one seea.muoh of him), Joot cfmnot deny that , this ."Kalendar? 
of his for 1677 is a work of startliog novel^, ai^i oont^ins.mspy 
things which no one bat Slopiib himself would ht^e dared to 
print Whether he has not in some parts ti^ken a somewhat too 
elevated moral tone, and oouohed his precepts in langascre apd 
grammar somewhat beyond the reach of ordinary mortals, re- 
mains to be proved; bat there can be no mistake at all that lus 
«* Essay on Frogs" is a thing of beauty and a joy for ever. 
The price of Slopsb's "Kalendar" will m, as he himself jasUy 
remarks. One Peony.. 0. H. Bi, fro Judt. 

THE HOUDiT QITSSTIOV. 

(Hy a Stay-at'Homer.) 
What need it there to leaTe one's home 
In qneet of 0-oeanic fosan, ., 
When we can get aea-bathe bom BaiLL*8 \ 
At one-and-six per doi. (see BilU) T 
And then, again, jon know, there*! Foat's, 
Wherein the very Bea*weed floatf t 
Besides, a tub of TiDMAir's own 
Is redolent of pure Osone ! - 
Then whj should we incline to roam, 
When we can get a *' dip '* at home ? 



Mav*8 Natubx. — A venerable soeptio (A. SLOpBa),who donbted that " inaa*a 
aatoxe is to fall,'* tried a Bink. [N.B.— He has nerer donbted it since !] 



GADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



PURE! SOLUBLE!! .rvUU HGAT]^^ 
I ! I REFRESHING ^^^rr^^'^ ^^ 



CAUTION. 
—If Ooeoa 

ihUkent im 
fheeupitis 

■■■■tfj aa^#t 

m9m9KW0 IWMv 



(F^^y^ 



mmms^ 



J f>BU€lU£MB J- TURNED UP NIB 



THESE PENS 
Wm suit OTwy haDd, 
and can be obtained 
in 6d. & la. Boxes at 
aU Stattooen*, er b/ 
poetfotr 7 or 18 stamps 
from the 

XAKUrAOTtTMB, 
BiaKINOHAlt. 



RnbUsha-i by tha FroDrifitor, at 7S, Fleet Street B.C. Printed br Woodtai.l A CrvDaa. Mnfo(d Lsne^ Strand, W.O.*Wii»irasnAT, August 80, 187«w 



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206 



JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOUENAL. [Sipt. 6, 1876. 



THE SAD STOET OF A STEAK. 
Beiag tlie Co&tdentioiif Chroniole of a EopeleM Pasiion. 
Gbhtlb reader, the chronicle I am ahont to relate is, no donht, the moat 
extraordinary tiiiDg of ito kind ever yet presented to acidionB public; so 
extraordinary, indeed, is it that, did yon not knoir tmth to be stranger 
than fiction, jpn might declare I was telling yon what, in the vnlgar 
parlance of tiie common herd, is termed "a whopper.*' G^tle reader, 
allow me io attmre you that / never tell ''^hopperi*^ the "plun nn- 
vaniished tale " I propose relating to yi^u is reamrkabla limply and solely 
because it u trae. 

Ton, dear reader, hare, doubtless, in yojxt time partaken of many 
a steak ;vyou are ''past master'* in sieaks of all deletes — tender and 
tough, grea^ and gristly, underdone and overdone^'fe^ooa,: bad, and, in- 
different ; and for^tibose steaks you have paid prioes^ as '▼uMjl in degree 
as the stekks i^hemselves t Verily so ; and over many 4d tho^teaks and 

their P^ami KWa ^n crrowled '^^^ 

no^ a 

anath( 

steak 

not e^ 

indeed 

—the 

the gi 

of us 

and tc 

what 

not h 

-of 

not & 

measu 

too lo 

which 

will, 

in tl 

wantii 

But 
entiou 

I w 
famou 
shire, 
days ^ 
pliant 
illustr 
positM 
Beaooi 
himsctl 
prieto] 
and— 
fluent 

Hei 
was it 
to stai 
to kee 
aU t] 
career 
calfds 
'madly 
calMo 

She 
of my 
beaute 
— ah] 

A \ 



ing bliss, of Love*s Tonng 

J)nam,.flAd then—then came the waking. Oh, cruel ideal dream ! Oh, 

cnwUer n^al waking 1 

But let me draw a veil o*er that terrible time ; let it suffice yon to 
know that my waking came to me in the form and semblance of an awful 
personage in a blue jerkin, carrying the dread symbol of his order. 
* • • * t * * 

Strange to say, when I came to, so to speak, after being so very much 
cut up, and practically realized the new state of life— that of a fine, 
jndcy, succulent steak— into which I had passed, the feelings and senti- 
ments of my calf and bullock dsys, were as rife within me as before — 
what must really be termed niy metempsychosis. My passion, hopeless 
though ft was, waft as strong within me as ever, and, in the innermost 
recestes of my heart, did I still fondly cherish the sweet memoi7-^tke 

dear iibal^e of my first and only love. JBnt with what avail! In 

a shorC— terribly short— time the end of all would come, and I, carrying 
my hopeless i»iaion with me, should go the way of all steaks. 

Let me now approach the thrilling episode of this Contcientious Chro- 
' \Qi my hie uad^ death. — 



One evoAing, about seven ?.x., I was reposing, with divers others of 
my brethren, on a large dish, placed near— a great deal too near, we 
murmured, with a hot shiver — ^the celebrated silver gridiron in Messrs. 
FBTBB8& Bond's well-known grill-room, in their world-renowned establish- 
ment, the "Megatherium." With my eyes fixed on the brightiSames leap- 
ing up through the silver bars in remorselev torture of one of my 
brethren, I was moodily revolving in my mind how aoon it would be my 
torn to undei^go the same fearful process^ when a voioe— a well-known, 
never-forgotten musical voice, dose by, dii^lled, Bke a charm, my 
melancholy reverie. That voice could belong but to one person : it was — 
it must be — the voioe of my love. 

I raised my eager eyes and looked. Mwut She was with two 

gentlemen, the elder of whom I immediately recognfaed as her Pa, and 
my original proprietor ; but the second, and younger one, I had never 
seen before. Instinctively I became poasessed with a violent antipathy 
to this person.' I looked at him again. He was a lardy-dardy cockney- 
looking thing, with an eye- 
glass and tsaselled cane, on 
Uie beet of terms with him- 
self and, also, to my ineffiible 
disgust, with my sweet love. 
As I gased, in wild jealouqr,' 
I saw that he treated h«r 
with a ma^ed air of pro- 
prietorship, and t^iat she-* 
9ht, my peerless 64% actually 
receiv^ tiie creature's atten- 
tions af if she rathet liked 
them t&an ntherwise. H my 
heart's dearest denre could 
have been gratified, it would 
have been to see him placed 
where my poor brother was 
then undeigoing his fate. 

But th^ were talking ear- 
nestly, and I listened with a 
beating heart. From the 
tenor of their conversation 
I at once gathered they had 
come to dine, and were deli- 
berating upon what to feed. 

** The — aw— cor — wect 
thing — don't you know f — ^to — 
aw — ^have he-ar," drawled the 
thing with the eyeglass, "is 
— ^aw — ^a steak gwUled on the 
gwidlron — aw-— choose your 
own steak, you know, and — 
aw — positively — aw see him 
gwilled be£sw your vewy 
eyes— aw." 

She clapped her little hands 
with a charming affectation of 
delight. 

" Capital!'* she cried. 
" Let us do ' the correct 
thing' by all means. And 
A«fY," she added, taming her 
beautifully expressive eyes 
suddenly on me, "here is 
really a perfect love of a 

steak— oh, ^hat a dear !" 
• • • • 

Friningly hot — mddlly 

__^ glowing — juicily fragrant— 

"done to a turn,'* I found 
myself once more basking in the light of my true love*s bright eyes. 
. " Now,** I munpured, gazing at her sweet face sentimeatally from out 
my own fragrant steam, " now, dear one, are the dreams of my youth — 
my fondest aspirations— my life's ambition— my — seemingly — hopeless 
passion, to be gratified <U lait. Eat, darling, eat» whilst these last worda 
of thy true lover symbolize the tmth of^ his affection : "May good 
digestion wait on appetite." 

*••••* « 

Ah me I that I shoald have to confess this ! Alas, oh, alas! 

At the last moment she took another fancy into her fiUr head— she fell 
in love with a common underdone, underbred brute of a pork -chop, 
whilst I — I was devoured by f 

By my hated foe and rival— by the thing with the eyeglass and lisp, 
who spoiled my own delicate flavour with French mustaMl, and then 
vowed I was " the worst steak he had— aw — ev-vah eaten." 

I have but one fond hope — one ardent wish remaining in my des<^te, 
despairing souL I wish, and oh, how ardently I hope — I may ditagree 
mthhim/ 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON 8ERI( 



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THE C 



O^MIC JOURNAL.— s,PT. 6, 1876. 



5 PAW. 

T BUBN HIS OWN FINGERS. 



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SiPT. 6,'lg^6;] Jtf DY; OR THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC^ JOUENAHJ 



211 



OUE GOUTY OONTEIBUTOB AT HEENB BAT 




HB Yei^ plftce tot ehiUien." 
So -lolilMiibed^ en4eiitl7 - 
a metropolitan mother on 
ihe BMt Oliff tlik morn- 
ing. She irat. light, and 
lorely ohildra are n^re. 
It is a pretty tight thia 
-.bright elear day. Beonl- 
rera ahead of yon, com- 
fields to right of yon ; on 
the left a cool refreshing 
sednctiye-looking sea, roll- 
ing np to a beantifnl 
green cli£f between, and 
here a perfect " Baby- 
land." Truly a loToly 
place fer children, no diff 
to &U oyer, no horses to 
fall nnder, no danger any- 
where. I enjoyed, aye, 
thoroughly appreciated the 
soene, as one withont the 
cares of a ^uoailyonly can. 
The charming little chat- 
terers^ whose screams of 
merry joyous laaghter 
produced such a Babel, 
suggested a baby Stock 
Bzol^ange; but there 
were no foreign bond- ' 
holders there— not that 
iKey wonld have minded being, stripped of everything— no Russian bears 
to spread consternation., tChe little Turks gambled co-operatiTely on the 
sloping bank without cheek or Usa of losing their balance. How delighted 
should I have been le have join^ their liUle gambols, but, alas 1 at the 
time I was a bear of rheumatic gout» and knew, if I had gone down, 
carrying over (even io my hotel) would have been a heavy matter. 

Boating good, and boatmen not Importunious. For instance, if after an 
hour or so's strug^ng on the beach with an umbreUa, yon do manage to 
get comfortably asleep, they don't assume, as a matter of course, you 
want a boat, and wake you up accordingly. I dare say, if this were your 
normal state, in time they would look upon you as a riiady customer, but 
nothing more. Should you want a boat, it will not be necessaxy to obtain 
a stamped agreement with two witnesses before starting ; their charges 
are reasonable ; and after the heavy work, perhaps the nearest approach 
to a hint at refreshment will be a respectful raising of the wide-awake, 
and a mopping of the brow. 

Flies ter/ plentiful. ^Hiey sting a little more this year tiian usual) I 
think; but you have a great selection. 

Oyrten muff here ; their beds are made up in the old St G^ebige's 
swimming bath. Whether the town is full or no, Mr. Boon hafrsii^jplied 
me with some of the best by £m: I ever slaughtered. 

I did not see the force of the police — there are two. They are a fine body 
of men, especially the larger body. The only time I required thdr services^ 
I am sorry to say, one hi^ gone to lie down, and the <^er to Margate. 

Aien, witili all the advantages I have pointed out, why, I adc, is not 
Herne Bay t^ most popular watering-plaoe on this coast ? It is lane 
tiiey suffer here a good deal from amateur theatrical performances, but 
the gloom that is thrown over the town upon these oeoMlons ii not last- 
ing, and the depression can be av<nded. A lady, long resident in the 
place, to whom I put the question the other day, seemed to think that all 
that was necessary for the welfare of the town was the springing up of 
soBiiebody with a thorough interest in the place, and some spirit. Almost 
indnediately on leaving her I met a farmer-looking gentleman, with a 
rerj liber ^ rapply ^ waistcoal^ not altogether uncalled for or thrown 
&wiy upon him. Knowing him to be * man of some weight in the place, I 
lelated what the lady had ^aid. <*Ikiiow notUag^t aU about interest^" 
was his repW, ''but, dear heart alive 1 we ain't generally qwiu out of spirits 
down here.^ " How is your town governed ?^ I asked. *' Oommisnon- 
aixes," said he ; and then, alter -a pause, " a one-eyed lot they are." The 
latter remark was rather soggestite of the antecedents of Uie governing 
body^ and therefore tended to corroborate the ffumer's storyj but I knew 
it could not .be. ''Lor' Uess my parish 1 only think," said he, on 
leaiviDg, '* allowing the piriiieipal k«tel in the town ta be turned into ^ 
Oonftklescent Hospital." 

As soon as / was oonvalesoent I determinedly pursued my inquiries. I 
next weut to the Odgsb of the Bay, and repeated to him the opinion of 
my lady friend. He listened witii rapt attention, and It seemed to me 
with great interest. Then, taking the short pipe from his mouth, his 
ejes dropped to my sand-shoes, rose slowly in the direction ot my 
shepherd's plaid, seeming to h«dtate aI the se<$ond butt<m of my waist- 
ooat, but making a full stop at my shirt-collar to take stock, when their 
owner addressed to me the following, In tones of withering scorn : — "I 
vnppose you think the Bay is Heme !" 



A little farther up the street I met one of the leading chemists of the 
towiv a maiv of letters, aad a gentleman. . His attitude was most 
r^lpeetful He remfdned imwfreM ixahg the whole interview. I 
must say I should h&ve thon^ ifaore of this circumstance if I had 
not noticed, on his leaving, that no hat accompanied him. I asked 
him for the authority, but he oouM not have heard me Mght^ for 
he replied Immediately, without hesitatioB, *<I haven't any in stook^ • 
but I can eauly get you some with, plessure. We usually use 
Boss's Elixir lor that sort of thing. I took ^his as a compliment to our 
Bditor, and pmumed he mepmt Slophb'b ''Ealendar," or one of the 
Oomic Shilling Volumes. 

At k«t I found the man^the leading toadettnan in the town— and he 
was efl«ily led to tell me all he knew, from which I gatiiered that the 
town was governed by Commisnoners, and that they veeently, not b^g 
satisfied idth the then prosperity of the town, decided lAiat some action 
should be taken, and so they took possession of oeitaln jroads at the back 
of the town, wmdi led them direct to the required action^ recently tried 
by Yiee-OhanoelWr Baoon in the Court of Chaaeery. and decided agdnst 
them, with oosts, amounting to, I am told, some £3,000, to be p(Jd by 
the iovm. Only think what a deal of good might have been dohe to this 
little place by the expenditure on it of even a portion of this amount ! 
mi^ Commlsi^imers, having put their heads together and got them into 
Ohimoery^ tklk ol appealing. Well, as the town may have to pay for the 
jpunehing, I think they should first be consuUed. And^ ftg^> I haive not . 
yet been ^«|te to ascertain with what objeot they took the roads. 

My dear Madam, I like the Bay, and take an interest in its welfare ; 
thereiore, if you will allow me, I shall drop down again present^ andrlei. 
you know what has been done. 

I cannot dose this letter vnthout one word of tbanks to mine host of 
"l%eLittIe,Fish." He was at all times most kind and attentive. IHiere's 
something about that man one can't help admixing. I allude to his two 
bright, happy, industrious daughters. He is. Indeed, a lucky Wnm. 

My cigar-case is labelled '* Margate.*' Please forward my gout piUs to 
the ** Elephant," by luggage train, South-Eastem Railway, as I should 
like to get them within « fortnight. 



A MYSTERIOUS BUSINESS. 
On wild and windy night in the present month of September an extra- 
ordinary scene was being enacted in a country churchyard. A few 
moments before a cart had slowly driven ip through the murky darkness 
and come to a standstill in the yet deeper gloom cast by the cJiurchyard 
wall across the road. Then tiiree figures, scarcely discernible in tiieir 
uncertain outline from the objects surrounding them, crept stealthily 
amongst the tombs tiU, with tortuous and snake-like gyrations, they 
reached acertain grave in which th^ had evidently been in search. 

*« This is it, NoRBT," said one of the three mysterious beings ; " I took 
stock of it when I vras over here some years ago with the General I'd 
my eye on it then." 

'' I'm glad you respected its sanctity on that occasion, Babvbt," said 
the other, '* or we dimddn't have got our chance now." 

*< Let us get at it then," said the first speaker. " Hare you the tools f " 

"All here," returned the othei^ producing as he spoke the ordinary 
implements used by the modem resurrectionist. 

For a short time then a breathless silence prevailed, broken alone by a 
peculiar grating sound. At length the workers paused, and one, In a low 
whisper, said, ** The stone is loiwe. Now, Habuet, your hand is needed 
here, and, according to the clever legal gentlemen, we thus avoid the 
curse. A moment more, and William's skull is ours." 

The third mysterious form drew nearer, and laughed a laugh. *'The 
benighted Britishers refused to share with ui^" die said. " If we could 
have worked by day they might have joined trith us in the photogn^khio 
spec; but no matter." 

'' Quick 1 quick 1 " said the men, in chorus. " Why do you hedtate T 
Are yon afraid?" 

" Not I," she replied ; "was I afnid of tackUng their other poet T " 
and next moment the task was completed. Then a momentary pause 
ensued, and then an exclamation o^ terror and amasement burst from alL 
The skull was gone 1 Some one had been there hefort them / * * 

A hollow groan ! The three figures started to their feet to ibd a griszly 
form confronting them. It was evidently a Ghoet^ but wove the semblance 
of a Tankee Shopman. "Pause, miserables!" he observed in hollow 
tones. " 'Twas I who did it, and I bear the curse. " 

" Where have you put it I " they asked in. chorus. 

"I took it years ago, and thought I should have made a good bit by 
exhibiting it," he replUd, "but a Britisher I broke the thing to advised 
me not, if I didn't want to come to grief." 

" But what did you do with it t " they asked. 

"I joined the Britisher," the Ghost replied, "and for a time we did 
middling with it as the head of Jaok ShxppaAd ! " 

"And then?" * • . * * * * * 

At this moment the crowing of a cock caused the Ghost to start 
vidently, and with the first streak of da^rUght, which followed immediatdy 
afterwards, he dinppeared. 

The party then broke up, and Norrt, Babibt, and Habribt made the 
best of their vray back to the land of wooden nutmegs. 



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218 



SUCCESSFUL REVIVAL OF A. SLOPERt— ENORMOUS SUCCESS OF A. SLOPER! 



BIOFSBn-nEir AVD XHPBOVSO 8IBIIS. 



Book L Past L Ghaptbb I. In Sbotioh. 
iHoiDKznra of an unprecedented nature have taken place in the 
caseer of A. Stopnt, the aminent litUrateur. ne has been 
gnalohed from the brink of that goal from which no traveller 
relarns, and touts the printer will take cajre how he manages the 
vowels, as it may make a serious di£Eiaienoe to A. Sixkpsa's moral 
character. 

. A* Slopub, with the reader's kind permissioa, piefars thaft by- 
floftes should remain so, and on^ mentions easnaUy that^ it was 
done with a pomp. SabseqaenlQr a banqoet was |^en to ode- 
brate the happy event, 
an^ general joy prevailed. 
OUmk eminent litt^ateun 
assMBobled, and the welkin . 
ranf. ,The landlord said, 
'' l£ey make row enough 
over* thisa twopenny or- 
dersi" It was a ^reat 
night I More like old times» 
and wit sparkled round tiie 
board. Truly one of the 
Noctes AmbrosiansB. ',, 

Everything in the shmpe 
of Biaing TiJ^t found its 
representative, and talent, 
that was wishful of risings - 
and on the look-out fbr an 
opening promised him by 
A. Slofxb, stood the sub- 
stantials and some drinks 
round. - The first toast was 
'* Slopeb! May he live to 
draw his salary twice over 
for many years to come!" 
which was receiyed with 
deafening r cheers by A. 
Slofsb. The office bpy, 
who sat on A. Slopib s 
right, added a few words 
Ml of emotion, imd emp- 
tied A. Slo^jol's glass by 



x^. 



toast had aot been drunk at all in reality; but that is a mere 
detail, and A. Slopbe went round the taUe and shook hands 
heartily with the company assembled. 

A gentleman, whose name did not transpire, then got up and 
fell down, after which A. Slopbr once more sang a few soiigs. 

Another gentleman said he had a few w<»ds to sav about Sir 
BooBB TioHBORNB and the Balham Mystery, and shortlv after- 
wards th4 tadlord sent up to ask whether anybody was beating 
carpets. After this a resolution was moved by the vice-chair, and 
A. Slopbb began " The Heart Bow^ Down," but was interrupted. 



JL, SiDPBB then 
and when the clamour at- 
tendant upon a row with 
the waiter had subsided, 
proposed *' Success to Slo- 
pbe s 'Comic Kalendar for 
1877,' and many pf themu" 
He then touched lightly 
upon the merits of that 
publication, and explained 
some of tiie jokes twice 
over, amidst an impressive 

silence. Then, having alluded to his hqme troubles with some 
feeling, he graceftUIy resumed hts seat, upon which hte hat had 
been con9iaerately placed in anticipation. 

The Dep7. Asat^ Sub. Ed., who had left halls of dazzling light 
expressly to be present on this auspioioas occasion, and for whom 
two broughams waited at the door, said he had not the pleasure 
of being perso^allj acquainted with the literary eminence pre- 
sent, but thought i^ome of it lookea raiher awfuL He knew 
Slopbu about as well as any one, and to know him was to love 
him. There might be flaws in his moral character ; but what of 
that? Who was without them ? He was an old thiet it was 
true, if he got the chance, but he did not get it at the 3vdy 
office. Here Slopbr wept for a rtiort time. 

Harmony now prevailed, and A. Slopbb gave " The Heart 
Bowed Down,*' and ** Mother, Wake me Early," with much shnple 
pathos. DuriDg this time a few upeeches wm also made, and 
tiiere was another row with the waiter. 

A. Slopbr then rose to return thanks for the way in whieh he 
said the health of the office boy's mother had been drunk. The 



allt-oobuul. inexpensivenes$ of its cha- 

racter to the majority con- 
cerned. Slopbb, 

Festive Moralist. 
P.S.— Moral Feasts on 
this, or a similar scale, ar- 
ranged by A. Slopbb, for 
amateurs desiroi^ of Ris- 
ing. "Push Arohnd the 
BowL"— 0« Sond. 

XZTBAOBBtirABT 
SZGITEimil. 
Tbb excitement respecting 
A. Slopbb's *' Comic Kalen- 
dar for 1877 " still prevails, 
and more than erne office 
boy has already succumbed 
to it The geaAral opinion 
of those who have been &- 
voured with a glimpse of 
the interior of this stupen- 
dous penn'orth is, that it cannot be done fbr the money except at 
a serious loss. But A. Slopbb cares little for this. A sense of 
what he owes to society sustains him ; besides, the loss, if any, 
won't come out of his pocket Why, then, repine? 

Numerous Beautifhl Girb have akeady sent A. Suifbb copifls 
of the world-liMned Kettle-holder issued the week before last 
with this journal, in wools, and he has been asked what size he 
takes for slippers. All this is very pleasant Amongst so many good 
things it womd be difficult to select but it maybe confidently 
predicted that Slopbb's Worm wfll afford general satisfaction. 

Remember, the 21st instant is the day of publication* and the 
price of Slopbb's ** Kalendar," including Slopbb's Worm, wiU be 
but One Penny. _____^,,^^ 

The Book of the Bea$on.^Demy Svo, Illustrated Wrapper in 
Colours, iy Adblaidb Clixtom, post free, 1*. %\d. " THERE 
AND BACK," Q9fi MUing. OotUainkiff some hundreds of 
Comic Pietures. Tobehadqf aU Booksellers and Newsagents ; 
at aU RaUway Bookstalls ; and at '*Jvdy" Office, 78, Fleet 
SPreet, B.C. 



Maxtsr 9? .^ACT.T-SMPnt taUiig a Walk down Fleet Street. 



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JXTDY, OB THE LONDON SERIO^OMIO JOUENAL. [S»f. 6, X876. 



THAT YOUNQ LADY'S WEDOWO TOUR IN ITALY. 



hones, carriages, and steamboats, sell 70a matcbes, and take yonr photo- 
graphs, both in one frame. 



Better go on a donkey, to see the conntiy— if 70a can hold on. 
They know $Sl the prettiest bits, and stop of their own accord 
for yon to look at them ; then go off again at a hard gallop. 



^ "Q'' IN THE CORNER. 

Tbk seoyii( who believe that Abthvb Obton ia the late Hooxb 
TIOHBOBfa^ that, the late Mr. Bbavo was murdered by persons 
who know anything of poisons, and that the hanrest moon is 
mada of fpreen cheese, sre now Showing their indignation against 
the English Foreign Offide beeanse there have been ** atrocities *' 
in Bnl^tria. > These people dearly believe that Bulgaria is one 
of the foreign possessions of this coantix, aod that we are 
morallj responsible for what is done within the borders of that 
provinoe. 

It may be as well to remind these peodb that Turkey, is an 
ind^endent European ooun^, and that England has no more 
to do with the internal affairs of the nation, than it has to do 
with the police regulations of Moscow, or Paris, or Berlin. The 
EaBL or Bbaoonsfixld's belief that Uie " atrocities " have been 
exaggerated by the press, does not make the Eibl or Bxacoms- 
riBLD responsible lor the " atrocities,", as more than one of the 
Liberal organs in the press seem to imagine. The fact is, were 
the Ministry to exercise undue pressure upon Turkey, their 
action would be likely to involve us in a quairel with one of the 
other Powers. I wonder is it this consummation the partisans of 
** our Ohristian brethren " in the East desire to bring about ? 

• Q. 

TBI 8ILTSB 8TBSAX. 
Ir the English Channel has a presiding genius, he is to be 
exonsed just now for manifesting some warmth of temper. First, 



we are told the soundings for the tunnel under the sea aie in 
progress, and augur fkvourably for success. Secondly, a gentle- 
man named fixorr has, it fq^pears, just completed an serial 
machine, in which, about a week hence, he intends to fly from 
Dover to Calais. Thirdly, Mr. Fbxbxbick Cavill, who recently 
attempted to swim across ihe Channel, aniiounoes that he is not 
daunted by failure, and intends having another try. So that 
either under or over, or else across, new trans-channel routes are 
everywhere threatened. Under these circumstances, it is a little 
surprisinff that no announcement has yet been madd of the with- 
drawal of the steamboats. But this is donbtless only an over- 
sight of the authorities, which will be remedied in due course. 

SXITLnie THl QUSSTIok. 

Thb Dundee Courier records an incident which ought to prove 
convincing to certain sceptics. It appears that as the crew of a 
fishing-boat were hauling their nets on board, at the fishing- 
ground about thirty miles off A^deen, a very large-sized whale 
made a rush at a heavily- stocked net, and swallowed part of it, 
along with an immense quantity of herrings which were sticking 
in the meshes. The somewhat indigestible mouthful seemed 
to make tiie whale rfither uncomfortable, the monster looking as 
if it was about to dioke ; but a fisherman in the boat managed 
to tear off a bit of the n^t, and the whale soon disappeared wilh 
the rest This ought to be oondusive to those who try to discredit 
the story of the whale which swallowed Jonah. A fish which 
could gulp down a net and a shoal of herrings wouM not make 
any difficulty about a prophet or two. 



PUBE I SOLUBLE II 
1 i I BEFBESHIK6 



CADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



CAUTIOW, 
— If Cocoa 

tMocupUii 



IRCULAR 
POINTED 



BRANDAUER ( 



PENS 



n^iiiF 



Pitbliiihad br th« Prointntor, at 78, FU«t Str«el« B.O. Prtntad by Wooiyr4Zj. 4 £twdkb, MOford Lane, Btniul, W.a— WsDvamAT, Bo?temb«r 6, 18T1 



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S»T. 13, 18760 JUDT, OB THE LONDON SERIO-COMIO JOURNAL. 



215 



JUDY'S LUNATIC CONTRIPUTORION -'THEiFIRST.*' 



The Shooting S«uoa hKfiag 
cwnnwmoed, m unuO, on *'T1|9 
~ - ''iaBngUni: 



Although abroMi It beg»n 
a little evUer; 



And Judy's LuQ«tio Contributor hering read that 
"Sportsmen will this year bru$h tkt tumipt and 
stnbbla In search of birds," that "Partridges ara 
rlentifol and $trona,*' aad that " Fanners hare sold 
the right to kUl rabbits at good prioes this seas3B ;'* 



Writes to inform Jumr that tkoj 
foregoing is quite correct, he haVing 
been "aatheie" on "Hie First," imd 
taken Sperling Sketches on the spots.) 
Beloir are fk few of them. 



1. Brushing the Tomips. 



S A 8. Hie Stmngth of the Partridges. 



cold 



ny-hea 
Uood, 



the Innocent Babbft, at a Good Price. 



Q'' IN THE CORNER. 



wai onM ft lohool in 
whioh fhd boys mxe divided 
into two Mts. Thflie were 
tiie Blosft ftnd the Beds. 
Tlie kftder of the Bines wts 
nsmed Bbm, and the lesder 
of the Beds Bux. Now it 
happened that the Beds 
l^xeatly ontnnmbered the 
Bines, and, as a oonseqnence, 
Bill gave himself veiy hitfh 
airs. Any proposal made by 
Bbn was rejected with scorn. 
Of course there were many 
fights between the two sets. 
Sometimes a number of boys, 
who did not like Bill's high- 
handed ways, would abstain 
from the fight, or would side 
with BsM. Then the Blues 
would win. As a rule, how- 
ever. Bill's side was victori- 
ous. But, although the 
Blues were defeated, the captain of the Beds invariably received 
such chastisement from the leader of the Blues, that he did 
not forget it till his next bealbg. 

n. 
At length, after one of the vacations, it was found that the 
number of Blues exceeded that of the Beds. Thereupon Bill 



:^}^ 



did not want to lead the Beds any more. He said he was ilL 
He said there were other bm more able to take the pommelling 
Bin woaM be sure to give ttie leader. So another was chosen in 
his place, and, whenever there was a fight in the playground, he 
used to wander in the cloisters or cut down a tree in the wood. 
He was in the sulks, and the other boys called him Aohillis. 

m. 

Omb morning the news came that Bur had been moved to the 
upper schooL He hsd shown himself the best boy in the 
lower school, and had done as well as any boy had ever done 
there. Ko sooner was it certain that Bsk could not again meet 
him in fight than Bill said he was well. He ssid no other boy 
was able to lead the Beds as well as he. One day, after school 

hours, there was a dismite as to whetiier the d ^1 was as bbck 

as he was painted. Somebody remembered that Bsn had said 

the d ^1 was not as black as he was painted, and, although 

Bill himself had often said this, he declared it was very wicked 
of BxN to say so. There were outside boys present besides the 
schoolboys, and so Bill, who could always talk, invited them 
into the Park to hear him speak. There he declared that Ben 

had not only said the d ^1 was less black than he was painted, 

but that Bbn, by saying so, was responsible for all tiie wicked 
doings of which that safle personage had been guilty. He de- 
nounced the *' atrocities," and caUed on his hearers to avenge 
them by at once attacklnff the Blues. He found, however, that, 
notwithstanding many of the outside boys, who were very igno- 
rant, applauded his speech, the reasonable schoolboys declined 
to fight on such an issue, especially as the Blues were as much 
opposed to the " atrocities " as themselves. 

So Bill was very disappointed, and is now trying to find 
another excuse for a battle oetween the two sets. Q* 



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JUDt, OE THE LONDON SEEiaCOMIO JOXJE^AL. [Sim. 18, 1876. 



A EEMAEKABLB EBVELATION. 
From tlie Priyate Lift of a H^melefli Gentlomii. 

Hbrb'8 a piettj go 1 

How the dic^eni can 1 get oni of it ? 

What, in Goodness' nune, am I to do?...? 

What, oh What, will erer be the end of it ?...?...? 

Reflection, — Yes, and— of mef 

And it all has happened through my heing so beastly good-natured ! 

And this is how it all happened. 

For the last seyen Septembers I haye steadily and persistently refused 
to be beguiled by Tom Badgbr to gfi "down to his pTaoe in Hampshire for 
* the First,* and hare a pop at the partridges." But last Wednesday, at a 
little dinner I stood Von Basobk at the Olub, somehow or other, Good- 
ness knows how, whether that glass of old ale with the stilton on the top 
of that magnum of Boederer did it ?— anyhow, I toat weakly good-natured 
enough to jpromue Ton Bad- 
GEK to go down to his place 
"for 'the First.'" 

Well, that occurred at 
8.30 P.M. only last Wednes- 
day in oiir snug coffeerroom 
at^e Club^ and here am I 
now at 6 A.M. on ih^ morning 
of Friday, *^the First,** be- 
tween the blankets ill Tom 
Badcqck's best (bachelor spare 
room, momentarily ezpeciing' 
' Tom Badoeb's ** own man'' 
to come in to rouse me f6r 
the fray, and to "put out 
your shooting t^gs, sir." 

And Tye never fired off a 
gun in my/^e exeepi once, 
and that wall for nuts at a 
fair. 

And Tom Bipgkb'b prettiest 
sister, Floea, you know, was 
kind enough at dinner last 
night to promise te "get up 
early on pixrpo^ to walk oat 
with us and witness my prow- 
ess among the poor little 
partridges ; for Tom tells me 
you are such a wonderful per- 
Qrmer." 

litjlection {from out my 
hiankets and bitterness ^f 
sovl), — Yea, there's no dob t 
it'll be a "wonderful" per- 
formance. I only hope there 
won't be a death in the family 
before many houili are Over. 

.'There's a certaun amount 

of comfort in knowing I made 
my will the other day, and — 

"Halloo! ComeifiJ" . 

It's come at last, '^en — i^& 
hour I mean, and h^e is tike 
man— Tom Badoeb's ♦*owtt 
man." In about two seeoDds 
he has every shutter wide 
open, and blinds puUed well 
up, and in the next minute he 
U turning over my "shooting 
suit" (I bought *em second- 
hand yesterday so as to look as if I had been in the habit of wearing 'em 
for the last hiJf -dozen " Firsts") with a critical, and I can't help fancying, 
supercilious expression. 

" I don*t see no leggings, sir," he says ; and holding up my Shoddy & 
Sow's World-famed Sixteen Shilling tr**s*rs with quite an inexpressible 
look (they certainly might be a trifle more substantial in their substanoe), 
"and you'll be wringing wet through in two-twos if you tries the 
turnips in these here things—but I'll bring you a pair of master's okl 
leggings, and breakfast, sir, will be on table at seven sharp." 



they canH be on right ! I always do Have my tr**s*r8 made wide, and 

I've never tried tight fits like this sort of thing before ; but really I had 

no idea Oh, I say, you know, why, what on earth 

" Bh ? Halloo! Tes, all rijght, you can come in now." 

Fik)ba's nudd. She's grinnfng like a Cheshire cat Wonder whetiier 
she's been looking at me on the chair through the keyhole? 
. ''JfisB Ploba's compBmenta, and the breakfast is getting quite oold^ 
and Mr. Badobb says you'd better look sharp, or aU the bixda '11 be shot 
before you start." 

JU/lection (happy impromptn). — And a deuced good job, too, because 
then ihey won't want me to shoot 'em. 

Descending quietly to thebreakfast-room, I pause en the mat outude, 

and connoitre through the partly open door I have oome^t a most 

opportune moment Tom Badobe, seated with lus back to the door, hai 
absorbed himsdf in the depths of an enormoua grouse-pie, whilst dear 
Floba, standing in the bay window, is struggling to absorb herself into 

the depths of a big-checked 
ulster. 

I creep— I don't say sneak, 
Inind— into the nearest chidr, 
and immediately absorb the 
leggings under the table. So 
far, so well Tom Badoib 
takes himself out of the 
grouse-pie, and welcomes me 
bois^ronsly. Dear Floba 
pauses from her straggle with 
the ulster to wag her little 

head at me encouragingly 

I cheer ap» and attack the 

grouse-pie It is most go- 

lopsiKras. I attaok it again, 

and Tou Badobb pours me 
out "a peg" of curafoa, 
whichy as he says, "though 
so dry, ain't so dusty."...... 

It is no^, and I pour myself 
out another, and yet another 



I have ahnoet forgotten the 
fatal leggings and the oon- 
founded partridges, so good 
is the grouse-pie, so comfort- 
ing the cura9oa, when the 
deor suddenly opens, and I 
see a sort of TabteauxVivanta 
going on in the hall just out- 
side^ the Dramatis Personos of 
which consists, apparently, of 
the whole of Uie establish- 
ment in a state of rampant 
giggling, and headed by the 
head Gamekeeper, who holds 
in one hand the beastly gun, 
whidi I loaded in readiness 
overnight, whilst he violently 
gesticulates with the other in 
my direction. 

An awful terror seises ibe. 

It was after dinner — 

very much so — when I loaded 
the confounded weapon, and 
did, or did I not— pui the 
shot in first t 

In the meantime Tom Bad- 



Seven has just struck, and, somehow or other, I'm actually dressed, 
leggings and all. 

Looking in the glass, I am tolerably satisfied with Shoddt k Son's 
World-famed etceteras ; but, 'pon my soul, and really and truly, Td no 
idea my — ahem ! well— ejrtrcwit^* were — why, in these confounded things 
they look positively handy I 

neJUclion {mounted on a chair, and obtaining a ba/ik view of the 
leggings in the mirror).^Qood gracious me I Well, I never! Why, 



GEB is making towards the scene of action, whilst dear Flora watchea 
me like a little oat. t ^^«>« 

JteJUction.— Bhilai 1 feel like the mouse And in another^ half 

minute, at the latest, I must make one of the Tableaux Vivanti, and, 
then OA, these confounded leggings / * ♦ • 



A Fidce de Besistance. 

" The Serrians are prepared to conclude jieace on the bcuds of the xnalntenane 
of the siatuM qwy aiue bellum," 

Thb Servians, defeated, are suing for peace. 
But Turkey, au oowtraire, their terms has declined ; — 

Insiating, ere final hostilities cease, 
On giving the rebels " apiece of her mind !" 



A JoTTTNG ABOUT A TiTLE. — Jud't Understands that so strong still is 
the feeling against the Royal Titles BiU, in some remote districts, that 
Imperial pints of stout are there called Royal pints. 

DismroTioN with a Difierence — Serve-yer (Servia) right 1 



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s»PT. 18, 1876.3 pjinyy; ob teob jjokdon SESHvoQinq jqV)Knal. 



221 




SHOBT MSM& FOB SHOBT MEMOBIES. 

ASmONABLE NEWS.— A 
contemponiT annoanoeB 
that red will be the pro- 
dominuit oolonr in the ac- 
oessories of the toilettes of 
fashionable dunes during 
the ooming winter. So great 
is the rage already dispmyed 
for the new tint, that even 
the magazines devoted to the 
subject are read too— with 
much aTidity. 

Blofbbian Mem. — - The 
heyday of youth is but 
another name for the spring- 
time of life ; and it is a good 
plan to make as much hay 
as Tou em on a heyday, 
w^iile the sun continues to 
i^e. This is a world in 
mmdh sunshine is precszi- 
ous, and even the mghtest 
intellect may at any moment 
haye the shme taken out of 

Tbeatino thxh Impab- 
TiALLT.— A telegram from 
Belgrade announces that 
Colonel LoTD Limdsat and 
Dr. M'CoBHAos were ex- 
pected at Belgrade imme- 
diately with aid for the wounded— jeiO,000 for theServians, and 
a like amount for the Turks. This is a ikir and square method 
of giving relief but if it were practised on a large scale one does 
not exactly see when the war would end. It is six for one and 
half a dozen for the other. ,\ 

CiBoiJMSTAHOKs ALTXB Casbs.— Mr. LowB, M.P., hss bocn 
communicated with by some persons who desire to obtain per- 
mission to ride bicycles in the London parks. The right hon. 
gentleman's reply is to the point. He says :— " Sir,— I should 
advise you by no means to claim any right, for the simple reason 
that you have not got it." It is a pi^ that the genius which 
originated the Match Duty, and made five quarters' Income Tax 
go into one year, has been so long coming to this conclusion. But, 
as the poet says, <* 'Tie better' to have oome to grief, than never 
to have tried at aU." So it is. 

• • 

Fbom thb East. — It is a mistake to suppose that the Pbinob 

ov Montenxgbo is a black man. But, according to the way the 

war seems to be goinff, there is every probabiBty that, if he is 

not black, he may oe dun, and most effectuimy done too, 

• 
• • 

A WABNiNo.-^Six Fenian convicts have, it appears, escaped in 

the American bark Oatalpa from Newfoundland and have been 

landed in New York. Acting up to their profession, these 

six persons stole— stole away, toat is. People in New York who 

have any property which can be easily got ho^ of will do well 

to move at once, or they may be " landed " as welL 

• 

• • 

SuiTABLB TO THB OooAsioN. — ^At the dinncT of the Home-Bule 
delegates in Dublin, Major 0'Gk>BMAN was called upon to revive 
the spirits and restore the tranquillily of the Home Kulers pre- 
sent (which had been much upset by the discovery of a police- 
man in their midst) by a song. The Major responded by singing 
'* The Tight Little Island " — pronouncing each word, we are 
told, that conveyed hatred to England ** wuh a peculiar empha- 
sis." Without actually having heard Major O'Gobman sing, one 
can hardly judge of his powers as a vocalist ; but there is a 
touch of sly humour in his selection of "The Tiffht Little 
Island,^' which shows him to have known what was best adapted 
to the company. /. 

LiTBRABY NoTB.— It is rumoured that Mr. Gladbtonb's pam- 



phlet on "Bulgarian Horrors "is to be broudit out under the 
more ^chy titte of « The Eighteennenny Drwdfhl,'' and be sold 
along with the other horrors. But this wants oonfirmation. 

• • 

Fbom Buopkghamshtbb. — The gentleman who is opposing 
Mr. Fbxmamtlb m his candidature for the county of Bucu, the 
Hon. Bufbbt Oabinoton, will' not fail by reason of excessive 
modesty, nor firom the reticence of his frumds. One of these, in 
reply to the objection that Mx. Oabikoton was "young/* said 
that so at one time were Pitt, Palmbbston, and even the Eabl of 
Bbaoonsfibld himself. And so, if yon come to that, were Old 
Pabb, Abthxtb Obtom, and Mr. Bbaplauoh ; but one would hardly 
vote for those persons on that account. Mr. Cabinoton's ftiends 
had better try again. 

»• 

Comic Apfaib. — ^A contemporary says:«— "An amifPfug inci- 
dent occurred the other day at a Thames regatta. Two men fell 
off the paddle-box of one of the steamers. One (^ them was 
rescued with difficulty, the other perished." What a peculiar 
jiotion of fun some people have ! 

• • 

QxABSTONx AT GBXBNWTCH.--The Liberal Member to tiie 
borough ha4 a great field-day on Satutdi^ witii bis consStuents 
at Blackheath— if, that is to say, a large army of tsg-rag and 
bobtail, all manifesting a rooted. ant^aithv to softp and w«tar, 
may be described as uxe constituents of iSie right hon. gentle- 
man. After Mr. Gladstonb had spoken his piece, several 
pockets were picked, and some resolutions were passed. Later 
in the day, a rumour was prevalent that a person who gave his 
initials as W. E. G. had been locked up for cutting down a tree 
on the Thames Embankment, but this was perhi^M without very 
good foundation. The Eabl of Bbaoom sFisLn had not zesigned 
at the time of goii^ to press. 



SWEET SENTIMENT FOB THB SEASIDE 
SEASON. 

Swbbt, e'er sweet, to me is Margate's hat town! Beautiful, all 
beautifiil , are its balmy breezes; sweet its scented harbour! 
Sweet, indeed, are its sweets (in gals) ; e'en more sweet, too. its 

Bitter (in gallons) Gtolopshous, truly, is its jetty; more golop- 

shouser stiU its Assembly Rooms ; but goloj^aihonsest of all* 
ay, of all, indeed, is— The 'All I 

Beautiful is Searb(»ough's Sea 1 Beautifiil-^ah f hew beautifnl 
—is what the Qreek Poet of old so beautifully termeth its " many- 
dimpled smile " I How true 1 Yet, is aot the smile of mv 

Bblinda mortf '^ many-dfaipled " ? Ahmel Lovely is Love s 

Young Dream thus on this moonlit Ocean, as our burk saileth 
thus peacefoUy o'er its starry waters, whilst Her head leaneth 
trustingly on my manly shoulder 1 How thrills one's heart with 

rap Dear me, though, how up-and-down it 4id go just 

then ! — how very rough 1 1 — O Lor 1 ! I 

How bewilderinglv bewitching is Brighton ! How truly peer- 
less its Pier I What Things of Beauty (on the Pier) are the fair 
rmenaders, and what a tfoy for Ever (till next mondng) is tlie 
and-S. of its Pagoda Befireshment Saloons ! How r^y and 

truly delicious is un petit souperpour deux at Mutton's — yea, how 
truly and really so — till the bill is brought ! 

What a real pleasure is there, and how truly gratifying 'tis to 
one's human nature, ''seeing the boat come in at Folkstone ! 

« Yea, forsooth, how nice, indeed, it is — especially when it's 

more than usually rough — to feel that you have not "come 
across " 1 

How one really and trul^ enjoys one's Seaside trip ! What a 
great truth is this ! Who, indeed, would not live and die at tlie 
Seaside ? Ah, who, I inquire? Why, every one. of course, all 
— all, that's to say, who couldn't help it. What a greater tru(b 
is this! 



BBAVO, KB. BOEBVOX! 
Mb. Robbuob, who is not at all un-English, has described the 
absurd clamour against the Administration on account of the 
Bulgarian atrocities by the right word. He says that to charge 
the Government with participation in any way with these atroci- 
ties is — "a foul lie!" 



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"HOW WE. MANAGED WilTHOUT SERVAh^S/V 



L It WM auoh a htsppy Um of Fipa*^ for Btamoblui« to aot m Cook and >• Bbatbix Lbonoba was to hate booa Fulour-maid, but wlien iha was 

BosaliiLLT as Soulleiy-mald. Brenrbodr (in tha tialdng buaineas) aaid, the taking down tha tea-things, she met with a nasty, dreadful, horrid, fsacful. 




8. AuBPBA HAn> was to be Cook, and aha felt |oattiire certain snro she SodldPi^andsfteraeertriniiilwrTaien^ 

oouldLollat>eUtoassoonsalookata would like to eat lt» and tried. 




5. Bta Bkimrnin, who looked after things generaUr, foigot to get in the 
Candles ttcm tha ahop three-quarters of a mile off. uowerer, what did that 
matter? Papa woula be all the better for a nloe loog,^ht^s sleq^ (be- 
ginning at 9 p.m.) 



t, Eren then, though, Fi^ did not pass such a ¥017 oomfortdala night. 
It is as simple a thing to make a bed aa to boU a potato, aa long aa 70a 



know how. 



[Papa JUunemgmubaeito Uit rtpdmr Mntant trick mnd-prtftn U, 



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6»JT. 18, 1876.] 



9hjD% 



OR THE L(5NI>0N SERIO-COMIO JOUENAL. 



223 



STRANGELY INTERESTING FACTS RELATING TO ALLY SLOPER'S 

"COMIC KALENDAR FOR 1877." 



OmoR more the Ikoe of Nature wean its brigl^test smile. It has 
left off rainiDg for twentj-five minntes, ana A. Slofbb has re- 
closed his umbrella. Ae heart bowed down by the reoent 
ezcessiye moiatore, raises itself once more and babUee of ^heap 
retom tickets. For some tin 
vailed. It is true that some 
and there abont the ez-Snlfu 
topic alone has shaken ciflliz 
mentioned here that that topi 
lication of Ally Slofer's stn 
of illustrations, post £ree» 
for three-halfpence only.) 

It is true that there has 
even been some anxiety 
lest A. Slopsb's <* Ealen- 
dar" should not appear at 
aU. All kinds of people 
have advised A. Slopsr 
upon the subject Many 
have written with tears in 
their eyes to beg him not 
to do it One says : — 

'*Yoa must bd a Hass 
to want to. We have had 
quite enough of you, old 
man, and you ought to 
know it If you (io publish 

you are a lEass! — ^Youn 

sincerely, Onx who 
Knows." 

li Another puts it this 

way:— 

•* Unrespected Sir, — 

One of my youngest diil- 

dren imprudently, Whilst 

unaware of the imbecile 

character of its contents, 

purchased your paltry 

penny publication for last 

year, which I am, how- 

evar, proud to say I caused 

to be destroyed in the back 

kitohen iire immediately I 

ascertained the fact The 

preiniaea were then puri* 

fied by the aid of Oovmt'B 

invaluable disinfectant— ^I 

am yours obedient^, A 

FiTHSB or Familixs.'^ 
The next is rather 

nice: — 
^Miserable person 1 we 

learn with regret that you 



Farther Particulars from another Source. 
The foregoing remarks might perhaps cause some astonishment, 
were no ftirther explanation offered. 
It is, however, with sincere regret that the Editor of Judt finds 



DoMBRic Scbke.~Sloper in the act of composiiig of his "Ealondar/ 




[ First batch of Copy of ** Salpxidar " reoeited by Printers. Appreciation thereol. 



purpose bringing out a < Comic Kaleniar.' Why is this ? The 
want of you end your 'Kslendar' has not been fblt^ as far 
as I am able to ascertain, ner will any void be experienced 
should you break your promise. Break it, I beg of you. 
—Yours earnestly, A Wxll-wiIbbxb (with a Kalendac of his 

y This, again, breathes a spirit of genuine spontaneity ^— 

" You spcAk of a coming * Kalendar.' If this be really true, 
and you mean to come oiU, come out strong I Pon*t spoil the 
thing. Print plenty. / enclose my btuiness card, from which you 
may observe that I purchase waste pc^er in any quantities.'—YovaB 
very fidthfully, Jobv SmTH." 

'When friends rally xomid one thus» and thinss look so hopeful 
at tiie commencement, it behoves A. Slofbits publishers (A. 
Slofxk himself gets the same amount however it goes) to make 
a spurt 1 Evidently a splendid future awaits the stupendous 
penn'orth, and all that is now wanted is fox A. Slopsb's puB- 
Bshers to put their shoulders to the wheel I 
. ^ . A. Slopxb, The Kdlendarist of the Future. 



wiHtIs in italics been ren- 
dered perfectly iUegiUe by 
A. Slopbb, the rest might 
have had a contrary effect 
upon Slopb^'s ^ilblishers 
. to that at present exist- 
ing. He tried hard, but 
Itdled. 

Slopxb had better not 
come near the o£Sice for 
some time 1 ; 

,It i% pexhaps, here ne- 
cft Ms iy to state that, owing 
to an unfortunate arrange- 
ment entered into with 
Slopbb a good long while 
ago, a certain portkm of 
this paper is every week 
set aude for Slopeb's use. 
But it is a more than 
usually unmanly act upon 
Slopsb's part to utilize his 



portion to the disadvantage of the publishers. 

Ally Slopkb's ** Comic Kalendar lor 1677 " will be puUished 
on the 21st instant, but Slofxb'b pakry attempts at puffing it 
will have no weight whatever with tiie publishers. Two hundred 
thousand, and two hundred thousand only, will be printed of the 
first edition, llie " stupendous penn'orth," as^tfae miserable old 
impostor caUs it, happens to be reaUy good — ^indeed, however 
many are sold, a serious loss to the publishers is ii^evitable ; 
but, as has already been observed, Slopsb's paltry attempts to 
pue^ the thing are beneath the publisher's an^d the Editor's 
notice. 

Under these eircumstances, it seems almost eurious the Editor 
of JuBT should have said so much upon the sulject 



The Booh of the Season.^Demy Svo, lllustraUd WrawMr in 
O^j^fii, ^A dslaids Claxton, post free, 1«. 2|c2. " THERE 
AM^BJuK," One Skilling. Oontainina tome hundreds of 
O&mie Fiefutres. Tohehaddf aU BbokseUen and NewsagenU ; 
at aU BMseay Bookstalls: andat'*Jjn>j" Qffiee, 78, I^t 
Street, E.O. 



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PabUdMd bj the Piropiltttor, at 7S, FlMt Street, B.O. Printed bj WooDrAr t 4c Kimdib, Milford Lane. Stnnd, W.C.— Wboxmoat, September 18, 1891^ 



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Sept. 20, 1876.T JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. 



225 



HARD ON SOME ONE. 

Captftin LUtUpop (late of the Bombay Bouneert), I sat, Quard, what is the Meakiro of this Ukusual Delay? 
Guard, Please, Sir, thet are a- taking of the Volukteers' Tickets. 
Captain, Haw— I — haw— thought Ohildrsh in Ares did mot Pat ! 



•» ^ 



'^j^<. 



HOW THE E. O'BINSONS PAEED 
At Brownolifls-by-the-Saa. x. 

FTER all, 

the qaes- 

tion is. 

Why did 

ihekO- 

BlNSONS 

go to the 

— , ^ seaside ? 

f ^ E.O'BiN- 

^ ^ son him- 

•^^^LJi^a*^^ X f "^ .. r self was 

in perfect 
~ health, 

lived ia 
a com- 
fortable 
house, 
and had 
a comely 
wife, as 
comfort- 
able as 
the house. 
Under 
these cir- 
cumstan- 
ces, it was perfectly natural that K. O'Binson should exclaim, 
when the subject was broached, " Why, what en earth is there to 
go to the seaside for ? " 

*' Why," answered Mrs.'E.^O'BiNSON, *' don't you see? There's 
the SmijthrsI" 



So there were. Mr. B. O'Binbon bad not thought about them- 
The Smijtbes were the great rivals of the E. O'Binsons, and 
the Smjjthes were going to the seaside — ^were gone, in fiEU>t. If 
there were no other reason why the R O'Binsons should go, 
this Smijtbi business settled it. 

II. 

A FEW weeks aterwards, the E. O'Binsons anived at Brown- 
cli£fs-by-the-Sea ; and leaving their lugc^age in the cloak-room at 
the statioD, started to seek a local habitation which was to 
accommodate them for a month. 

It seemed, however, as if, on that particular day, all London 
had been in the same mind as themselves, and had come down 
to Brownoli£fo also^by an earlier train. 

Up one street and down another — ^past "terraces" and 
'* villas " and " cottages " innumerable — fsgged the weaij 
E. O'Binsons, seeking shelter and finding none. Brownclifis 
was packed to overflowing ; the hotels were as full as the private 
houses, and it seemed as if the place really would not hold one 
additional person. 

" I think we've exhausted the town," said E. O'Binson, after 
two or three hours* fruitless search ; *' let's have a fly, and try 
a wider circle." 

The wider circle was tried accordingly, but, after exploring till 
nearly dusk, it proved equally inhospitable. Mr. E. O'Binson 
was in an awful ujmper, and his wife in tears. *' Oh dear ! " she 
said, *' whatever shall we do? I don'c believe the Smijthes-^— " 

*• Bother the Smjjthes," said Mr. E. O'Binson. ** Drive to the 
station, coachman." 

** What for, sir?" 

** To go back to London. I've had enough of this." 

" Well," said the Jehu, slowly, ** I danno, but I believe the 
last train's gone half an hour ago." 

Thif> prnvf*d too true. It ^nR ten o'clock at niaht : the last 



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JUDY, OR THE LONDON SEEIO- 



A BIT OF ^ 

Lord Derby. IF 7017 OLD LADIES WILL OITLT 



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30MIC JOURNAL.— Sept. 20, 1876. 



ria— »n - •> oiu. 



SQUALL. 

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V. 



r 



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S«>i. 20, 1876.] JUDY. OB THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC J0T7ENAL. 



231 



by tlie ipleiidid skating of three young ladies — ^three riisten, I was told. I 
have neTer seen anything in its way mora ebanning ; indeed^ one conld 
not help being sirnck with thegracefnlmoTement of their heads— and 
pretty Heads they were. •* Who," I ask of some friends— freqnent visi- 
tors, — '* is that jolly-looking gentleman with the-slightly grey whiskers ? 
There, that one looking after the boy who is skating so well ? ** ** Oh, 
that is an artist from London ; they say. he is weoderfoUy elever with his' 
pendl at horses." " He draw hontes l** said another, V why, he couldn't 
draw a Boliyiaa bond. ** "At least the cash," said anoUier. I oonld not see 
why, even after that, he might not be a very olever man ; bnt I never aigae. 

Assembly Booms very fulL Beally capitally manag^, and actually 
some well-dressed people there, and the place nnder the management of 
Mr. Jarvjs, li.C, approaches the Continental style of entertainment 
•nearer than anything of the kind I have seen at the seaside. 

I need not say that everyhody was at Margate when I was there. The 



children of Isiael mustered strongly, and wore untold gold in watch-chain 
form. AH the mammoth, leTiathao, and lion comiqnes firom the mnsie- 
halls were there. Severtd actors were there, and some eminent UtUra- 
teur$ (not Slopbr, who, I suppose, was too busy abont that " Ealendar" 
of his — ''twenty-fonr pages fall of pietores, price one itenny tnly"). 
The people's caterer's moustache was there, I feel certain. I was in a - 
crowd behind him, and conld not see the people's caterer himself, bat one 
end of the menstacbe was distinctly visible from where I stood. UotA 
remarkable, however, are the large nnmbtfs of wonderfully attired yonng 
men who stand abont all day ronnd the doors of hotels they don't stop at. 
I vras mneh struck by this circumstance. 

** Tommy, make Boom for your Uncle," is still a popular melody at 
Maigate, and welcome wherever it is heaitl. It is a thing that grows on 
you. 

Next week all abont Buxton ! 



Extracts from Novels. No. 2.-NAOMI JONES. 

JuDT, since printing EsdracU fr<m a Seatide Novell hu received innumerdMe MSS. To thow her readert vhai she has had to pui np^oitii, ihe wUl 

give to the Ught, from time to time, extracts from a few othere. 



4. *' Yes," pondered Naomi, during 
their honeymoon at Margate, as the 
pair basked In loTing ecsta^ in each 
other's presence on the Fort one 
morning, "now that there is decide 

rof tf hit death, I can live happy 
ibe fond love of my husbandly 
darling Oaptain ! " 



S. " Much off, sir f " inquired the hairdreiEer'B astfsttnt. If 
the Captain bad seen the fiendish grin of tiiun)ph in the man's 
face 1 If he bad known that be ^as Dcw/oiWy in the gtatp 
of hii Vfife's Jlnt husband-^ JrvxB ! Jiut no, it "vratf toot le be.- - 
Would tbat we could draw the curtain on Ibe b«rrible scene ! 
But it must be told. The »ciMors were cpemd't^ their full 
extent, suddenly with a click tbey clofcd, and the gallant 
Captain's head relied into tbe f bsmpooing basin I 



6., Once more, dear reader, we will lift tbe veil. In foreign 
climes, far, far fnm tbe chequered scenes of bygone days, 
live Ibe letormed Jokes acd hts dear, wife Naomi. Tbeir 
fstm is large, tbeir family fmal!— at present. See Naomi, 
wtibbtr own f«ir bande, brings her husband bis mid-day 
meal i Tbeir child, a fajr-baired toy» luna -with joyous 
piattle to tbe icpcntant fotber'ft knee. See tbe look of hap- 
piness in tbe moiber's face 1 See th e (Oh, bosh !— Jvut.) 



Intkrsbting FiCT. — ^It is believed that the British fleet, now 
in Besika Bay, will winter at the Isle of Lemno8» where there is 
a fine harbour and a smooth sea. Lemnos is just the place for 
a fleet, for tbe " Isle " being always on the water keeps the sea 
calm. This wants thinking over. 

» • 
A Good Idba. — Somebody has appealed to the British Asso- 
ciation in Glasgow to insist, not upon the higher education of 
women, but to take in hand the question of women's dress. 
Now, if those ladies who persist in wearing long trains in the 



streets would take their dresses in hand themselves, andfhold 
them up out of the dirt, would it not be a good deid better than 
bothering the British Association ? 

• • 
Mbm. fob Voluntkebs. — ^The War 0£Sce, it is observed, has 
sent a circular round to the various Volunteer regiments, asking 
for information about all those men who have passed throup^ tiie 
ranks. There need be no surprise at this step. How could the 
War OfSce send a circular /iny other way but •^ round"? Who 
ever heard of a circular square? 



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232 



JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOUENAL. [Sept. 20, 1876. 



NURSERY MORALS. No. 9.-The unwise Geese. 



I cam't abide folly and inconseqaenoe in a nnraery rhyme, and 
that's why I never took kindly to '* Hi, diddle diddle ! " 

I will pass over the words " Hi, diddle diddle ! " themselves, 
because I don't see what else I can do, but I pause, to indignantly 
potest against the abrupt introduction at this juncture of an 
urelevant violin and a member of the feline tribe. But this is 
not all. See what follows. The record of a saltatory feat on 

the part of Simp- ^^^ 

son's partner, which """"" ^ 

is not only wholly 
unworthy of credit, 
but is ealenlated to 
cast ridicule upon a 
highly respectable 
luminarv. The 
canine cachinnatory 
proceeding which 
follows is, under 
the circumstances, 
perhaps excusable, 
but the episode of 
the spoon and dish 
there is no excuse 
for; and, as the 
brother-in-law of 
a father of a family, 
I protest against its 
admission into a 
nursery rhyme in- 
tended for the use 
of the family circle* 

Not only is any- 
thing in Ihe shape 
of an elopement ex- 
tremely objection- 
able, but here, evi- 
dently, is a bad 
moral ; for the dish, 
supposing h^ to be 
anything short of 
china, and the spoon 
silver, could ^ not 
have been a proper 
match for him; or, 
again, if he were 
but base electro, 
she dearly threw 
herself away. I 
take it for granted 
the spoon was male. 
A spoon generally 
is a male, and a 
male is invariably a 
spoon. I've noticed 
this myself, both in 
and out of my own 
looking-fflass. 
. Now let us oon- 
sider the more 
rational story of 
the unwise geese. 
Do you know it? 
Well, I wm teU it 
you. 

There was, then, 
once upon a time, 
one of those very 

impossibly pretty princesses that you only meet with in fairy 
tales, who was much beloved by male geese. But here comes 
the awkward part of the affdir. Although geese, they were as 
yet of the unfeaUiered and unsjmmetrical genus— not what you 
would call ganders, but rather appertaming to the gosling tribe^ 
the sort usiully called " younc man." 

There was a good bit of bill about some of them, it is true ; 
almost too much so, indeed, and at too long dates to look likely ; 



in short, thejr had not as yet reached the form in which our 
artist has depicted them. 

Very shortly they had, though. By degrees their long necks 

grew longer and longer, and they took more and more collar to 

cover it. Poor thmgs, th^ stretched their necks to such a 

wicked extent, looking out for her and after her ! Gradually, 

• too, the power of love metamorphosed them altogeUier, and they 

. only wanted some 

nice sage and onions 
to render them 
really useful mem- 
bers of society. 

Meanwhile the 
pretty, cruel (be 
careful, Good Print- 
er, to put the com- 
ma, because I do 
not mean pretty 
cruel, but very cruel 
and prettv) princess 
went on being cold, 
and scorning them 
like anything ; so 
at last one up and 
cackled at her about 
his heart and such 
immaterial matters. 
Then said she to 
him, — 

'*Pray, good sir, 
are you the one 
with the golden 
eggs? because dear 
mamma Fays I aiu 
(•nly to love that 
onel" 

<* Blessed if I 
know ! " said the 
goose-gosling-gan- 
der. -What's to 
be done ? " 

** There's nothing 
but cutting you open 
to find out," said 
she. 

•*I would die a 
thousand deaths for 
you, my ownest- 
ownest ! " ssid the 
foolish bird. 

** But it will hurt 
you so dreadfully," 
she murmured; and 
then, seeing him 
wink his eye with 
agitation, and gasp, 
she hastened to 
add, " It will soon 
be over though ; 
and since yoti don't 

mind •• 

« • « • 

All those geese 
went that way, one 
after the other, but 
none of them were 
found to have goldea 
egp[8 inside, so we can't very well pity them. 

They didn't taste badly, however, poor things ! with plenty of 
nice stuffing and apple-sauce. 

This is a cruel world, I faucy, in whi'^h many hearts ace sorely 
tried ; in tvhich gentle, long-suffering angels sink slowly into tm- 
marked graves too soon to be forgotten). 

It is a cruel, sad, sorrov^fol place this world of ours, but with 
apple- sauce, roast goose is not half bad ! 



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jsjpt. 20,1876.3 JUDY, OB THE UOWDON SEBIO-COMIO JOtTRNAL. 



2id' 



are thick there. A. Slopbb has made flies a study, and iwot 
prepared to say that they may not ad4 to the nntritive 9^^^Sf 
co£(ee, if taken advisedly, but it's bad when the spoon i^^^vk 
because of them. They're a nice relish in ketchup. .!? 

A. &LOPXB could have gone on patronieing his 9offee-b(|«i|'for 
some time to come, although the rashers were iiot wl^ ibey 

might hvA been. 2^ ;He 
could have overIo<»eil a 
few shortcominnln.the 
rashers, becauM^lma^ly 
pig l|as alwaylj^H^een 
rather a weaknm^ with 
^ JL Slopkb, as ImL^ tl 
'isn't too sal<ISHb^iA*s 
the new rules and regula- 
tions ^t ^i^bril flie emi- 
nent litterateur^ and he is 



THE HOMES AND HAUNTS oi=^ EMINEN¥ MEN. 

No. 1.-THE HAUNTS OF ALL7 BLOPER. 

Fabtioulabs respecting the haunts of A. Slopbb have often baen 
desired. 

Even other people besides oouAty-«aurt officers hava said, 
'' Where the deuce does Slopbb live ? ^ The emii^t litterateur 
is T^ry much asked after. This looks ^geniaL 

Th» eminent Utterateur is of simple and homely, habits, and 
generally uses the same 
" House." From dbwv 
mom till the house itself 
is dosed, A. Slopbb has 
been known to linger 
fondly roandthe "Jug and 
Botfle Entrance," to dally 
playfully in the **PriTate 
Bar," and to go to aleep 
on the tub in the larffer 
department When ue 
hour of dosing has come 
round, A. ^lopsb has left 
with regrei and has also 
ocoasionia^y been led out 
by tho potman. The 
accompanying illustration 
descw«8 bettor than words 
the intecesting eeremony. 

^e dieerfhl coAvenie 
ofA. SLopjmnas enBvwied 

malqr^of wlial^ould otherwise Imkvo been tedious hour% aad it is 
with much regret that A. Slopbb has to point out to the pro- 
prietor that the potman's depoztment towards A. Slopbb^ might 
be more respeetml, and that if, at anv time, A. Slopbb, carried 
away Ir^ the heat of argument, should drink out > of aa^^body 
else s glass hy mistake, the ciroi^fanceneed not {ige called atten- 
tion to with so much unneoessa]^ clamour. 

There are other houses besides this one, and twopence is two- 
pence, and should entitle those inlio spend it, in an nour or two, 
to some amount of respectful consi4erati<m. . 

The above may be taken as a hint 

One of the most regular of Slopbb's hiunts is certainly his 

broker's. Here he is well 



known, as are also Slopbb*s 
Sunday clothes, which 
h%7e been " ba9ked " rather 
seriously for 80^le years 
past. Now and then Slopbb 
passes a sleepless night, 
thinking about those 
dothes. It occurs to him* 
suddenly at the " stilly 
hour/' that the moth may 
ha^e got into them. 

A. Slopbb's broker is a 
ixkin of few words. Some- 
times he will say, " That 
umbreDa's no good to us ; " 
and at other times he will 
just simply push the um- 
brelja off the counter on to 
the floor without speaking 
. SLaP« Su«p«^. f ^ W. Knowing A. Slopbb 

to be a family man, he 
is, however, rather particular when A. Slopbb shows up 
with a flat-iron, to ask whether Mrs. SlopiIb knows he has 
brought it 

On the whole, perhaps, Slopbb's broker is a large-hearted man, 
though rather mean about his pins and wrappers. This again, 
however, is business prindples, so why blame him ? 

Slopbb's coffee-house also deserves a few words 'of de- 
scription. A. Slopes ventures to think the courteous reader of 
this sparkling page may probably go down into his grave in 
ignorance of what it is possible to call a fresh egg, unless he visits 
A. Slopbb's coffee-house. #.^> 

It is only at A. Slopbb's coffee-house, in the dog-days, that 
flies are thoroughly reaUzed in the light of a nuisance. They 



bjjr Ulmu your penny an^ not givi: 
\m A.' Slopbb prefers more mutual 
tension ol credit It may be weak o 
does. 

Slopbb, MoraUtt and KaJendarkt to the 

Orouned Heads and othfin. 



STILL FUBTESB AHD KOBB BTARTLINa PAETIOULABS 
BSSPEOTIHa SLOPSB*S ''COHIG XALENDAB." 
It JB with extreme regret that A. SlopIer flnds it<jieoessary t^j 
disippoint the public. Last week he said^ all that was wantin 
was a spurt on the part ^ 
of his publishers. What 
did they do? A flew 
paltry hundreds of thou- 
sands only were psrinted, 
and the orders have et^ 
ceeded the supply, con- 
sequently a postpone- 
ment of one week b im- 
perative, 6r a deadly feud, 
probably resulting in 
bloodshed, may arise 
amongst the rival newfa- 



At the moment' of 
going ' to preBs, the 
largest of the paper- 
makers have eihausted 
their stock ; but paper 
from foreign markets is 
now on its way here, and 
the '* Kalendar " will c<Ane out, witiiout fail, on the 28th. 

It may appear egotistical, but the more A. Slopbb ^ ponders 
o'er the stupendousness o^ the coming penn'orth, the more 
stunned he is! (Post-free, Three-halfpence.) 

&BADT 8EPTEXBEB 28tli. 

ALLY SLOPEKS ''COMIC KALENDAR FOR 
1877." Twenty-four Pages full ^ of Pictures. 
Price One Penny. Post Free, 1 ^d. To be had 
Everywhere. 



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234 



JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEBia.OOMIO JOUBNAL. [Siw. 20. 1876. I 
POOR Mfi. TWITTERS HAS A DAY'S 



TwrrnBBS (aside). " This may be the one I shot ; but 
how's tt oonw to be so highT 



nere wbb su awiui «aui| 
TwTTTBBS— an aocidentno. ^ 
by any of the rules of sport 1 



provided 1 



for 



"Shot tneooy, nave ti wua *wii , _ 

tlon. " I felt as if I were bound to ahoot soi 
I went on long enough.' 



t;'Q'' IN THE CORN Eft. 
Itateemen and casaal politicians from pulpit, parlour, 
and pablio-hoQse who charge the English Cabinet with the 
Bulgarian outrages, are seekmg to impose a novel task on our 
Foreign Secretary. They insist that Lord Dbbbt should mould 
his Eastern policy ** in accordance with English feeling." Right. 
But what is English feeling in the matter ? 

Mr. Gladbtonb thinks the^ Turks ought to be driven out 
of the disaffected provinces, but he means only the " military 
and official " Turks, and even these he would permit to carry 
awav bag and baggage. ^ * .• 

Mr. Lows advooUes the disruption and dismemberment of the 
Turkish empire. 

One ve^ reverend orator would like the Turks sent to " the 
wilds of Tartaxy," and another professor of "peace on earth'' 
proposes that united Europe should expel them " at the point 
of the bayonet'* Several eminent spaakers would prefer the 
Russian in Constantinople to the Turk. 

Lord Ross SIX'S scheme is, perhaps, the most ingenious. He 
would recall our Ambassador to the Porte, in order to show our 
displeasure, and then, when our displeasure had been sufficiently 
shown, to send him back! 

The sole point, in fact, upon which speakers and writers agree 
is in feeling indignation at the " atrocities :" and since nobody 



pretends that the Cabinet do not regard the " »t«^^*»f^^"J 
5ie same light as any other Enghsh gentlemen the "«^ 1^*^ 
and impaswoned speeches to which we are dwly treated am 
sSrve only to embaiiass our Minister in his iwgotiaUons with the 
Powers, V furnishing the ktter with a false impression of 

^'Sf'i^h^S^tFo^^^ Policy wiU have Uttle difficul^ in 
crossing the dangerous bar named ^eEasiem Q^estio^ o^y- 
^e M^ at the HeUn must not be interfered with at the cnUcal 
moment ■ 

« Still they Cornel" 
An official communication reaches us from Madame Ttosaud and 
Sons, to the effect that if there are many more «:S«1}«>« ^ 
year, a new wing will have to be added to the buiWing m Baker 
Street 

A Floorer. 
A Pakis newspaper tells us that a grand marrUge is on the tapit 
between M. HoooLkoKunoMao-Mahok de Cbbhowhz, ana 
Mile, MARiE-THiB^sK Ratisbonne. It does not fc^ Miy part 
of the announcement, but it would seem impossiMe to baye 
two such names as these cm a tapit without ordenng anotner 
yard or two. ---— -==r- 



PUBEISOLUBLEil 
1 1 1 REFRESHING 



CADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



GAUTIOir. 
-^Jf Cocoa 
tiUdtau iM 
Iki euptiU 



TAYLOR'S PATENT 
SFWIWG MACHINES 



" *'8iONAL ViCTORT.* All cwMrn BtattA ! At the recent Grand Compe- 
tiUon held at the Yorkshire Exhlhition these Machines o-^'/So ™« ^^^ 
MTOAL." Thev are superior to all others for Dressma^king and Family D«. 

SSidW pMchWfi, »f *«o.ble to obtain TgW. P.t«nt 8«wtof M^^^ 

OroAt DrUBeld, TortMhlw. , 



Publkihed by the Proprietor, at 73. Fleet Steeet, E.C. Printed bv Woodfatt ic Kikd-b, Mflferd Lane, Stiwid. W.C.-Wtonmday, Septeaxler 10, 1870. 

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8i*i. i7, 1876.] JUDT, OB THE LONDON SBBIOOOMIO JOURNAL. 



235 



BOOOLEBY'9 MICHAELMAS GOOSE. 



Wto Ultra <v% «itt inR. 



W T. UlUU •tllMlJVll QWtt 4^r boy." m9 O.; "If T Utt li 



f. AnKflMAliN, B.'8 ( 

hour, wiU como alao, " Tid i. 
11 Till m|^ me buy you 



I. MlM OoinvB litewiM is iu- 

dMtW%' '*(¥» MTt to be len- 
Sfr/* M7« ttM jMi^ to lk«r9«U. 

i i im.ijnn.aj.nijTm ,. , ' >. r-. r g r ;;Fr „. .i .if. mi, w n.. — i!^ 

0» mjuAi I «h9«M likt to nj tlMit my ntne it MefRii. «id 97 «»tve 
ii poctiotL AHhongh M?rnH hj 9«Bie, I mi all Soof aid 8fBtim«l 

Vy iMttart. 

I wonliip tb« ^ts. I «40Cf SiUK9n4u and tbe moaloal gtoet, I 
adoff« th« fhmma, and I adorf , al)OTf »U, tb^ drama's Yotarka—aipeoiaJily 
the leminiM odm. For wbaM ^ould argue, ean b« a greater, t pnnder 



of tto »w^TTw58SUi fiSwdSSf 

g^* ^ btMtHBlKt ttiey weren't) wa» 



9. T|iis is what BooDisiy |«w o& tbo 
•NTltUlg of the i9th, iq the place of 
ale p«or bird. His expeetant frieuda 
wHlpleeseaccepethis iaUoution. 



Biseion for Wonaa, loYeh Wemaa, tban \» be tb«~ Intermfeter^tbe 
Boiitbpleoe— of tke di? ine WlLUAH t Wbat 1 afa, what, indeed I 

It was my aKloratido, in tke aboft liie, tM led me intb the followiag. 
i4range, bat teo true adTentm:— 

I tad been wonhipping iJU wkffk «( ette morning a| ib# abrine of 
mydeddese (of thai boor;, tbe eelebt«t#d a«d jostlji Mttlar tragedienne, 
Kisa A?mQaA »i MoirniDKBim, wbo bad been giviog me my faYonrite dote 
tff Miet, at a monuog performance at the Royal Cracksideum Theatre, 
aad I afterward* dropped into tbe " bar " at the Charing Grosi SUtion to 
wfreeh esbaasted nature (I i^wava fiml R^neo and JvHu the most 
thixaty ef all 'WiuiiJi'a plays) witti a glass of ginger-beer. I bad taken 
ap, and . m ib ae q aeatiy taken down, the foaming boYerage witb maoh inward 
lalisfaetieB, wben a feminine aod silYezy Yoice behind arrested my instant 
Attention. 

•-^Tbankt," laid t^ Voice ; "well, as yon «r# m ^pmvfk I i^tt't 
Blind aieaker riaea, iw that old 'Crack,' I do belieit, ii ike diMtieal, Oe 
betteei» aadIM m«at thirat-pzoToking ibeatre I ever was engaged at, 
aad-Mii" 

Here tihe attYery twice became absorbed into a peculiar gafKlo'-^ggling 
Hmid, «iditiraedwybeadl»0aatb#H>«*k4r.^ Wbntdidlaiet 

I sawa tattaad eiefMiTomg Uik$M ipm0«iib1ha»fl4wiatg^ wnftmei^ 
dreeeed ^wleUyVA nobly ( ber f«ie «%• what enf migbt 41UI tmi^^otly 
latelleeioal ; ber bto# waa Mf, eual **siekiiad 9'er vivh th^ ^e <»et 
ef thought ;"lier dark tyaa wise laU •£ aKpression ; and jost.tben, at I 
caaght them gazing thonghtfally, yet with an infinite tanderueaii into tbe 
bottom of her tankar*!, whilst a gentle sigh fell from her expressive lips 



■J'wmi. i um' MS "A.fWffJiu. .v.. 

as sbe ^and Ibil H tP«i qnik trnv^t I beeame snddenly seized with the 
idea tbal I bad aten tbe«a Ytry erbii bent witi» that veiy expression on 
poor alaagbttrad Rameo not forty mi«ntea aao. 

I vbispere4 ta tbe yoong penon wbo baa aenred me with my refresh- 
me«<^ *< 0)11)4 lU teU mt wbe tbia laii was?" 

Certainly aba aaald, and weald : tbe lady in qneation'was the priapipal 
lady from tbe Cracksidenm Theatre. 

Great beaYons ! Here was, indeed, a fre&t chance. Here was I 
actually at the elbow— almost toacbiag tbe garmen|3 — of the famous 
Inliet—Eosalind—Desdemona-^HeleB, and a dozeo olher famous crea- 
tions of great poet minda-^ef tb^ day t H«r9> within a few inches of 
me, clad in the attire of a perfect la^y, etood my DiYinity— my Goddess, 
at whoae abrine I bad so eft, so dtYOUtly werabipped I 

The next momeiit ProYidenoe eflered tbe Yery chance I bad hoped for, 
but despaired ^ fYer ebtaimn^ for iq iwrny a weary year. iLn elderly 
lady, wbem I ^ nolieed tianaiag quietiy nast to my Goddess, became 
suddenly Yiolently agitated. Subeeqaent etplanations showed that the 
elderly lady bad kat ber pnf«» ; tbat| ai aba ima just going then to have 
a Kttie kmebeen wHb '< asy daagbttr beii,'' vhat, in Goodness' gracioua 
»am^ abould ahe do f 

"ily daughter here," then, wta^mff Ooddesi / H^re, indeed, was 
myebaaeet 

SfLsbfnUy* aa bM^m^ ibf OQeaaien, and in a Yoice which, I feli> trembled 
in inxson wiUi my knfcf" ■ m luddentjr bad this Azure of Bliss, this fore- 
taate ef paiadiae, coma apan xaa«i*rl boped she would not consider it 
presumption if I begged to be permitted to offer her and ber daughter— 
at whoae shrine I bad long been a humble worabipp^ r— a little light re- 
freabmeot a^ any, any reetaurant they might like to mention. 

The elderly lady was \J^d enough to pardon my presumption, whilst 
my Goddess, smiling sweetly, muroioced ^he nam^ of the most r^cherchi 
%nd eipenaiYe restaurant in London. 

'*But what of thatf* I said to myself, as, twenty minutes later, we 

eat in a gorgeous priYi^te room at the Cc^^t and I caw that the 

cbauipagrie was tweiveun-l-six a bottle, whiUt the grouse— my fair guests 



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236 



JUDY, OR THE LONDON SEBIO-COMIC JOTJENAL. [S«w. 27, 1876. 



bai one apieoe — were let down in the carte as half-a-eoyereign a brace. 
What are the rulgar details of a lancheon-bill to the rapture, the plea8^re, 
the honoar of knowing that it is Jaliet herself who takes down the 
Julienne, RoeaUnd to whom 70a 'pass the ro4j/ Paaline who parties 

of the pdU de foie ___^__ 

yraSf whilst Dflode- 
roona is digesting the 
dickybirdsl" 

At the same time I 
must saj that the bill 
afterwards did come 
a sort of staggerer to 
me ; stiU, if I did 
have to disborse the 
greater part of my 
whole week's salary 
" at one fell swoop," 
was it not for her sake 
—dearest and sweet- 
eit of Jaliets ? 

Bat my paradise 
was orer for the time, 
the melanoholj mo- 
ment had arrived 
when a moamfal 
** Farewell" mnst be 
uttered. Alas i oh, 
alasl 

\^'* ...And I hope," 
the said, patting oat 
one dainty little pearl- 
grey (sixes, I ooald 
swear), and looking 
up at me with that 
selfsame wondrous 
look which had been 
too much for Romeo 
for so many nights, 
"when you do pay 
our place a risit, and 
get— ahem ! — dry,you 
know, you'll come up- 
stairs and patronise 
me." 

I could onlj stare 
in amazement. '*Qet 
dt-y/" What was the 
meaning of that ? 
'* Go upstairs, and 
patronize her!" What, 
in Qoodness* name, did 
she mean f 

**l don't, I am 
afraid, quite under- 
stand yoa»" I said, in 
agitation. "I — I un- 
derstood you were en- 
gaged at the Grack- 
sideum Theatre. I — 
I law yon there at the 
morning performance 
to-day, did I not?" 

••Veiy likely," she 
said, composedly; "I 
am engaged there— 
Tery much engMed. 
Why?" 

*»Wby!" I re- 
peated mechanically. 
•* Why, then, what do 
you mean about 'get- 
ting dry,' and ' patron- 
izing you upstairs'? 
How can yon be act- 
ing the dirine crea- 
tions of our immor- 
tal bard — how cause 

breathless crowds to 
weep o'er the sad story of ill-starred Juliet^ or laugh with delight at 
the smart raillfry of Rosalind, when you are 'upstairs,' waiting to 
be ' patronised ' by people who are * dry ' ? " 

She looked at me for a moment, and then bunt bto shrieks of 
laughter. 

** How awfully good I " she cried, presently, wiping her eyes. " You 



TOO BAD OF HIM. 

Ocod Soul {who Jktu never Mm ike Sea hefart, emd hoe been aeking innumeroble queetionM at to lenfflh, 
depth, breadik, and vHdth ofgdLUmt eontamed thereinX, 80 Tou satb it's High Waitcb mow. Bib ; 

AND how XX>1I0 mOBT IT BB LIKBLT TO SB AfORV rrS LOW WAXm, THBK, BOlt 

BonanreMe Jack (a md one for chaff). Will, vot mobb tsam .a FoRTiiiaiiT, Awmow. 
Qood Soul, idi$tre$$ed). Oh, obabt mx I nov I doubt I sram't bbb it ; I'S ovlt ooino to 
Stof a Wbxk. 



POLITIQAL TOWl 
COUNCILLORS. 

Has a town couneillar 
anything to do with 
politics? This is a 
question which might* 
with much propriety 
be asked at Lincoln, 
where the town coun- 
cillors, who look after 
the names of the 
streets, hare, aoeord- 
ing to the EAmoU 
OuuUe, been haviiig 
quite a field-day. At 
a recent meeting of 
the Couneii held in 
the Ghiildball, a Hr. 
Squibk objected to 
the naming of three 
new streets which had 
been recommended to 
be called Disraeli 
Street, Cairns Street, 
and Salisbury Street ; 
and proposed that 
"Disraeli be altered 
to Gladstone, and that 
the other streets be 
North and Soath 
Streets." Hereupon, 
the Sureyor said that 
the two streets ran 
east and weit, and, 
therefore, Mr. S^vima 
(who perhaps is not a 
county squire, or he 
would know better) 
had better think 
again; whereupon * 
Mr. SBBPRsmD moved 
that one shimld be 
called John Bright 
Street. In the end, 
howeTwr, the meeting 
rejeeted these Radical 
innorations, and the 
names remain as ori- 
ginally r eco m mended. This is as it should be^cxoept ptrhape, as alter- 
ations seem to be in fsTour at Lincoln, that " Pisraeli " might have been 
altered— net to "aiadstone" (Qoodn«N forbid I) but to *' Beaeootfleld.*' 
Verb, tat. We hare authority for the statement that in a mnltitnde of 
oounsellon there is wisdom, but as to whether these were town eoon- 
cUlors or not, there is no record. 



hare all along, then, taken me for Miss Di Moktmoeiitot. Well, she is 

considered like me I" 

<* B—but," I stammered, aghast, <* I was told— I hare understood you 

are the principal lady at the Gracksideum Theatre and — then that 

noble 'brow, sicklied 

o'er with the pale cask 
of thought' — how? — 
why ?— what canst 
thou be, then?" 

"Well," she said 
quietly, "it*s quite 
true what you hare 
been told. I am at 
'the Crack,' and tiie 
principal lady there 
— ^the head barmaid, 
you know ; and, as 
for my brow, and 
your * pale -cast -of - 
thought ' rubbish, 
why, you'd look a bit 
worrited if you was 
two-and-sixpenoe out 
in your bottled-ale 
account! Come a- 
long. Ma, or we shall 
be late!" 



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Sm». 27, 1876.] JUDY, OE THE LONI>ON SEEIO-COMIC JOUENAL. 



237 



THEY SHRANK FROM THE EYES OF MEN. 



1. "Tho BM, Mr/' Mid Jack BLUsisit, "th« grand, the 
^ glorloas MA— the tubUmMt thing in natuio, eAr, where an 
* artlet nay revel with delight/' Ac., Ac. 



2. Of oouTM next day mw thten there. Who 
e&uld stand Jack when he got on that wey 



3. "1 My, Jaok, the plug's 6at of thia 
hang'dboat,andwe'tegotogu>tbehettom " 



4. No sooner Mid than done. 



5. " That wcu a narrow squeak/ 
said Jack ; " dach'd if the sea i« s( 
fine after tM." 



6. They retire to a quiet nook to 7. Horror! They didn't calculate on gettia 
discuM the Fas'em Question while thoM cheap tourist suits w^ Fine appear 
their "Utile alls" are drying. . ance this to make going through the town ! 



THE END OF THE SEASON. 



THE Idle SM8on*8 neady done ; 
The snmmer days are ending, 
And pUaenre-eeeken, ev*ry one, 

Tniur homeward waya are wendinnr. 
Though breakers dash, and breezes blow, 

From John o' Qroat's to Dover, 
In throngs, retamingidJere show . 
The Holidays are over ! 

The sands are yellow, as of yore; 

The chalky clifb still glisten ; 
The waves make mnsio on the shore. 

But no one stays to listen. 
The boats are hanl'd up high and dry ; 

The donkeye ate in clover ; 
In short, the season's fleeting by : 

The Holidays are over I 

There'll be no more excursion trains ; 

The boats will run no loneer ; 
The lodging-keepers count Uieir gains. 

And wish they'd " come it stronger"; 
Each follows with a parting sigh 

What she regards as trover. 
And sadly puis h^ pillage by :— 

The Bmdays are over ! 



They're coming home from near— from far : 

From mountain, vale, and river; 
Some leaving lands which sultry are; 

Some, regions wbere you shiver. 
From north and south, from east and west. 

Comes each returning rover ; 
Wbile piles of luggage, too, attest. 

The Holidays are over I 

Papa resumes his City cares. 

As on the old, old system ; 
Mamma takes up her home affairs. 

As though sbe'd never miss'd 'em ; 
The youngsters all are back at school 

Who on the sands were digging ; 
Exchanging, when they breaic a rule, 

A " tanning " for a wigging ! 

The Idle Season's all but done ; 

The summer days are ending. 
And pleasure- makers, ev'ry one, 

Their homeward ways are wending. 
They come from mountain — river— sea. 

Like sheep bef(>re a drover. 
Obedient to the stem decree : 
. The Holidays are over ! 



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238 



JTTDT, OR THE LONDON BEEIO-OOMIC JOXJENli* [Sift. Vfi \%n. 



OTJE GOTJTY CONTEIBUTOB^AT BUTTON. 

I OAMB here for the baths, and I have tried them, and I am off 
again. I don't think its wont enemy woald wilfully aoonse Bux- 
ton of being a wildly (ray and boisterously featiye institution, 
even now that the new Concert Hall is open. 

I won't say anything against the Baths. I Ihink, parhapa, if 
they would take one's money at the bath itself, inltead of obliging 
one to go back and buy a tioket at a stationer's shop half H mile 
off. it might draw blessings, instead of quite the other thing, from 
persons with swollen ankles. With regard ta tha wat4n, I anppose 
it would not be original only to say that thara*a aomathing in 
them. A liutidiont person, maybe, might flud those bt St Amt'i 
soaroely nutj inough to do muoh good, but | mysalf Mt not so 
particular* 

There it on6 jolaea of 
amusement, thd uardant, 
and they are very pretty. 
I hate to say anything 
unkind, and so only in a 
roundabout kind of way 
venture upon an opinion, 
but, as far as my ex- 
perience goes in Bux- 
ton, the ladies are not 
generally, as a body, 
very singularly exception- 
ally lovely. There are 
some pretty girls here, 
mind, and they will agree 
with me. All, pretty and 
plain, however, are sifigu* 
iarly ilidastrious (4way 
from home), tnthemorn* 
ing ^ou ftnd them tatting 
like anything in the Oar- 
dens, and again they tat 
at tha ataning ootieari 
This may impress yonnger 
men, but, for my part, it 
grieves me to see so muoh 
energy SO miiplaoed^ 

Tna event of the saaaon 
baa been, of aoursa, the 
opening of tha new Oon<* 
o^rt Hall by his Grase the 

DCKK OF DKVOMSBtRB-^an 

event which, coupled with 
Dr. XtoaiRTsoM'a speech, 
will long be rehiembered. 

The walka and drives 
in the immediate neigh- 
bourhood are simply beau- 
tiful beyond description, 
which is fortunate for ma 
— and you too, rather. 
There is a Lover s Leap, 
of course^ but I don't 
quite know who the lovers 
were; nor more, appar- i 
ently, does Mr. Croston, 

who writea Ihe handbook. The "Cat and Fiddle," however, he 
ttrlls us, '* is the highest pnblio-house in the locality, and, it is 
SMid. the most elevated house of entertainment in the kingdom." 
This elevation is occasionally also to be noticed in ita frequenters. 
Laet Tuesday week the Gonty Contributor to a popular comio 
journal 

Bat this is purely private and personal, and concema you not. 



wteea It I* toifs eitMAnr^LLtS atui i*ia week. 




With that inr I aaUd for ta «ulb sit la kavi an aalLM al |l| na^ 

•Ida! _ ^ 

By tin. CHABtai Osatiaat, /tca.-»Wtodir wWihtt H |i Hite m^ 

iClllaniey that makis It sa fttapl4i «r #aal|« nM am a nw ai Mt a 

stapid aa oatt t 
By ^BAtttas Oeoataa? , J^ia,, Jkf.wVaBdtt wlilWr % kav«A'% mala Hia 

daaas and all «f a aiaiaka arisr all, aol ealy ta peer dMIU| hai 

abaat that !rii^ lawMt la wiM pa pa^ aU Ur uusufl 
ty3f(t/ftr^oaBff.A,^.— Waaler wMi flQ|«|iW mmk baek ^tun. 

aaaagkfotaiyragakrrahbart ^^^^^^ 

iMm At Hdm. 

Baia Jft»T,-«Will yaa add 
ta tin <*laHM«t eiiaalatloa 
ia tka werid ^ by rapabliah- 
ini the aabjomad from tha 
Philo • GLADSTomi ssamiDg 
paper?— 

^ Ma. aiaaarami av PautiaAa 

CaiaitY. «« An^Uaafetoa aaSi 
beeu made to kr. OuLctroKE by 
Mr. C. DoLBT, Soeretaiy of tha 
Woolwich Boat Acddant Fund, 
for a contribution towards tti« 
relief of the familiea of the de- 
ceaaed, tha right hon. fantla- 
aaaa baa lent a reply, in which 
hesliya: *' Dear 8lr,<*»I am aony 



to bl anahlo to \ 



kaoatma* 



tioa.. ii$ naaoa is laat lia 

ciaaa sf mattora amiaiii tb bo 
pOraOnal, aadauitod far the eon. 




isr uaiiHiueBai ar tMa* 
y, I haps tlia tiiiais 
ig whMi Iha saUaktaiiad 
ilbaiil ^w of Ika d|^ 



Bm^Z? 



■^irj-mimiit.. ... 
XOTTOU 70B LODGING,.HOUSS SS|SP|1B8. 

At Bath — *' No qtoaging dooa karai" 

AtVenioe— <'VeBOfti«L" 

At Nioo— **IVa naughty, bat it'a nioe." 

At Cork<-<* Don't pat oa the aorair." 

At Morecambe Bay— " That more pamo evei^ day ! * 

At Sandwich-^** Oat and 60mo a^in.** 

At Ware— «« Whota'l tbo »ig Bolf 

At Beaune— '< IVa moat it tloiOd ba.*' 



aldatatloA of losidaBta rathor 

than 6f those t«ao haye a aimply 

OfonOeiion with the 

i— tour faithful aerpaat, 

r.ia- ^". 

Ai oaa of these esaatiy 
M.l^.*s trho are alvafi aallad 
apen to aid laoal oaaiitka 
wUtasr laatltatieBal ar Hm^ 
po»ary, 
^Matag^ 

aad Uboial ^ 

9»aikiir Ml ear lalatiaii with 
oar ooattitaaBoss wiU he- 
eome general Soch a raform 
in pablic opinion i^l aave 
me Urge aoma annoally, 
whaoh €» cfida I am now 
called on to pay regularly 
for diapenaing ooal, aonp^ 
hlaaHeta. aad other creatnra 
eiiafeMfe Un the needy, and 
OMasteuOy f a> the relief ol 
aaiiMva tKm. <' moying aad- 
deata bf |6od aad field.** 
All thioe, I am glad to 
and, oaa be avoided by noa* 
reaideuQo ia the rostic, un* 
faabloaable loOality I repre- 
sent, which baa long been distaiitefnl to Mra. Stmruire and my 
dangbtors. Aa recent legialatiea tends te forbid aay oaUaT for *' a aimpla 
poliiioal connection " with any plae^ i| laliova that a i^on-reaideat M.P. 
may, aa rq;ard8 bia oaaatikieiith |allf earn aat the eooBomioal policy 
inaagnrated by 1^. C^LAnsxi^ as l^pfda aookjar4 aien and Govern* 
meat undarliofi ge^neiaUj. if^RWl^^*^^ 

tcdSKOittttMiil"'^' 



I feusf uxs. 



UTTLE XI88IS tO OBXAt SIE lfcO|NClT. 
{0% a rtoemt Mu^h jMa f|| Jnea.) 

Sib Hobsbt, Sir Robbrt, ok 1 haw 4o ya« daxe 
To venture to meddle with what kdisa waar ? 
To think a fair head^ air, riiauld hava altiak upon it 
A horrid old maidiah affair Ittsa a boanat I 
Tou dear, good old gaatleBiaa^ aliak aa law-books. 
And don't bother youraalf ahoat yia^ iMi' looks ; 
My Gainsborough t'tt waat^ aic, idbaaaaet yau do. 
And I shan't aet miF battial^ air MMM St yote I 



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JUDY, OB THE LONDON fiBEIC 



MAKING A 

N.B. — There is no /wndatim for the report that Mr. Glad^khi* wUl 

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N V^ 

(HI B wUl d% 



OOOOC J0T7BNAL.— Bin. 27. 1876. 



ONEST PENNY. 

Nlii the Utile proceeds of hie Bulgarian pamphlet to the relief qf the wfefete. 



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> • 



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DEEDS OFDARKNESS. 



in! 



. N a wild and stormy niffH iMt week, 
when ever and anon the bloa lij^taUlg 
revealed the recent decorations on, the M* 
terior of Judy's palatial premises with vMi, 
distinotneis, followed by deafening peals of 
thunder, which shook the neighbottntig and 
less palatial Structures to their very founda- 
tions, a lottely and Mysterious Figure might 
have been observed slowlf wroeeeding from 
the east in the direction d Temple Bar. 

The Figure carried an ttmlirella vk his 
hand, but, althouch tha ratal was pourintf 
down in ton^nia, he dkl M attempt to put 
it up. Wkj was thiit ^^ttahanoe it wm 
not made to open. Bat we anttoi^ate. 

'Twa8,insooth,afeanoiM>l|hl! Nom 
hat the poorest, wretohedMt, a&d moat out- 
eastest were abroad (with tha exoeption of 
the Mysterious Figure); ttol avan the foot- 
step of a soaked policeman bioke the stony 
silence. It might have bean a eity of the 
daad. 

'Iwas a mesome night 1 A neighbouf • 
ing eloek tdd the midnight hour, but had 
nobody la tell it to but the Mfaterious 
Figuta, and ha did not listen. What man- 
ner ef man was ha? 

Ha had a good deal of hal on, and it had 
bean a white one in its lima, tt was not of 
tha lateat liiahion, bat II waa a uaafol hat, 
and tha owner might ha^ eanried a change 
of linan (if ha had owned aneh a thing) in 
its crown. Tha rest af kla clothea would 
have been passable on a aaareorow. They 
did not fit him much. 

' What, however, waa most ^remarkable 
about this mysterious Figure as It continued 
to wend its way? But once mora we ami- 
cipate. Kather let us allow him to get his 
wending over, or there won't be room for 
the remainder of the story. 

Passing through Teibj^e Bar, the Figura 
dived suddenly down a side-street, down 
some steps at tha end, through a labyrin^ 
of orooked courts and alleys, and stopped in 
firont of a large, rambling building, whioh, 
save ibr a faint glimmering light in one of 
the upper rooms, was envalopad in tha 
deepest gloom. Groping his way up a 
tight 6f unevan steps, tha Figura j^uahad 
open a door and aaoended a preeipitons 
^ht of stairs, first havmg glanced ner* 
^usly around, aa though to aaaartain 
whether or not he was observed, 

At Uie top of the stairs a man met him, 
face to face-— a grey and haggard man, pr^^ 
maturely aged. 

" Is it done? " the Figure panted breath* 
lasiily. 

** Nearly," the other raapondad, with a 
deep sigh. " Stay where 
you are ; they are at it 
now." 

A few moments of in? 
tense anxiety followed. 
The haffgard man had 
passed tturough a swing- 
ing door, and from with- 
in the sound of hollow 
groans were^ distinctly 
audible. Anon he re- 
appeued, more haggard 
than ever, and greyer— 
tills tfane a Httie bald. 

•< There I*' ha said, 
thrusting a packet into 
tha Flnra^ hand, and 
witili a wiM ahiiak of 



the 

int6 

one 
are 
vas 
of 
pou 
ged 
ffed 
aoh 

[ure 
itm. 
ided 
ed), 
ille, 

the 
and 



WM 

tha 
ipty 



ma a 

tha 

teed 
time 
ided 
gra- 
ttled 
Ltlad 



tails 



;om- 
afor 



toaa> 

pea- 



VUw pf Vl6«k street thM» «1»9 B^ a( 41^ 



WftitffK^ ^a^aiw^pkaM ai ^ae a.m« 



ttioa. 
ita. 



bete 
tha 
reaUty, tha Bditot « aompeuea w protaat 
agdnat Slopbr's slight^ 
ing remarks respectin| 
last yaar'a **Kalendar^ 
(of niiiah a small stoak 
atili remains on hand). 
It ia a great work. Not 
bf any means efuai ta 
^ naw one, of aamai^ 
Imt atili worth baringi 
Persons wi44«( ^ nava 
SloPKb aampkb (an aat« 
tmsialy ^UHanlt «niai% 
takhig,kythaway,froin 
mM point of Haw), will 
4> waU to bi|y last year's 
''Xalandar" aa wall aa tha 
new one. ItisaoMatOna 
Fanny y aroopy, only. 



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244 



JUDY, OB THE LONDON SEEI0430MIC JOURNAL. [Sept. 27, 1876. 



HOW IT PAY 8. 



1. TktM i$ a Nigger Otnilman <m ike Sandi at BamtgaU going 
Arough hit Morning Performance. 



2. And tktM i$ the tame Oentleman on tAe Pier at Mamtgate after 
hie Morning Performance, 



SHOBT HEMS. FOB 8H0BT MEM0BIE8. 

UR Oabbmkn im 
Amxbioi.^" There ig 
one peenliarity abont 
American rowing/' 
eayi an aooonnt of 
the IntematioDal Be* 
gatta at Philadelphia 
(fHiere the English 
oartmen were to 
Boorrily treated "hy 
their American hceta), 
*' which £■ Tcrj notice- * 
able— it ia a peculiar* 
ity in their atyle of 
feather." Moet row- 
ing men will iay» that 
BO there onght to be ; 
for a boat race on 
Yankee waters eeenia 
to cooBiflt princlpallj 

0f/0tt2f. 

Bathib too Much 

BO. — Mr. MUNDKLLA, 

M.P., has taken upon 
him to inform the 
world about Lard 
DsRBT. ''He is a 
man," said the Member for Sheffield, '* of rather a glacial tempera- 
ment, cold and phlegmatic." No one would dream of comparing 
Ifr. MuNDBLLi with the great statesman he haa the impertmence 
to criticise; but if be be not BO ** cold " as Lord Dbbbt. he has 
a way with him which is rather *' cool/' to ssy the least of. it 



FuBTHBB Im PBovBiffENTB.— Folloiving the example of Leicester 
Square, the once dismal endlosore known as Soho Sqaare has 
been '*done np/' and it is now quite bright chemoly and 
inTiting ; and the old plane-trees in the centre show what trees 
may become even in the midst of a great city. But the kstatue 
which was in the middle of the square has disappeared ; and it 
has been Buggested that Messrs. Cbosbb k Blackwkll, whose 
premises are dose by, have carried it away to pickle. This is 
rather unlikely, but it certainly would be better pickled than 



Tbb LoliD Matob'b Oubstb.— a series of banquets will Terr 
shortly be given at the Mansion House, which will embrace, it 
is said, ** the Aldermen and Common Council, ihei Elder Brethren 
of the Trinity House, and the Odd Fellows even." These Odd 
Fellows Even are a new body, apparently, about to mak^ their 
first appearance in public. 

• - 
« • 

Fbibvdb of Oub Fbibnds.— Mr. Btbon, whose play Our Boy$ 
has met with such extraordinary and lon^-continued Buccess, is 
said to be employed in writing a companion piece, entitled Our 
Oirh, This will probably be followed by Our Fathers and 
Mothers, and Om Oranc^athere and Grandmothers. The Boys 



having been suA pleasBint acquaintances, it is only fair to intro- 
duce us to the whole family. 

• • 
Tbb Pboobbbs of Civilization.— The London Medical Record 
states that Terra del Fuego has been traversed by Lieutenant 
Mabtbbs, RN., who has discovered that the natives believe in 
devils, and hold them to be the departed spirits of members of 
the medical profession. The main object of their religious cere- 
monies is to keep these devils at a distance. It is surprising what 
an amount of enlightenment prevails even in the most barbarous 
countries. 



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A DOMESTIC INCIDENT. 



1. Major MaoMinhow ww Msall, but terrible when rooaed; and oh ! how 
he did Uiie to bully poor dear Mrs. Mac. 



2. Till one day Mrs. Mao*8 unmarried aUter laid. 
him r >* *' Wha-at r " gavped Mrs. Mao. 



' Why dont you diake 



9. And the ▼eir next time the Major began in Mrs. Mac's unmairied 
alater'a prsttnoe, Mrs. Mac's unmarried sister shook him like anything. 



4. But after it was OTer the Major was yery terflble indeed, and he sa'd 
' Understand me, ma'am, that woman never daitene my doors again !** 



6. But no sooner had he spoken than Mrs. Mao herself jumped up and 
shook him too, and shook him worse than ever. 



a. That night, at the Clnb, Colonel Pirrat was talking about ruling women 
with an iron haikL " Were you ersr shaken, sir t" said the M«jor. 



N.B.— More than a thousand pounds ha;Te been offered to Junr to suppress the above, but here it is, ae an awful warning to Small Domeetie Tyrants I 



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246 



JUDY, OR THE LONDON SERI0U30MI0 JOITENAL. [Sipt. 27, 1876. 



THINGS NOT 80 GENEBALLY KNOWN 

As th^J Ought to Bt. 

That, oat of « imn ^mh wbi are OTcijojed at tW thmhit of jotting 

<'awaj ta fim SMslde," lllffii are equally eyfrjoje) to get back 

again. 

That, in fire cases ont of fix. tlie miserable cooking, tbe enforced oTcr- 

orowdtng, the bad dfainags 

and worse yeotilalfon, tbe 

general discomfort, aad 0011- 

seqaent loss of teiiper and 

annoyance at a aeatide 

lodging.bouse« 4a peopU 

wbo leart thtlr ewn com- 

fortaMt baoMt "for tbeir 

health" »«if hm tban 

good. 
^wt yon can bny tbe IMW 

box of patent aati*hUio«i 

pUls at tbo *'BtoiM'* for 

104(2. which the spirited 

proprietor of tbe same 

cbarges yon Is. Ijd. for. 
That yon may pay your Bnglisb 

fiook fifty pounds a year, 

bat that she will not be 

able to send yon np a dinner 

one>fifLieth part as veil 

cooked as yoa woald get at 

tbe smallest country inn in 

Normandy. 
That tbe ** diTine Wiluams" 

is a siaeh oterrated man. 
That the to*«alkd ** People's 

WiLLIAll ** (Wl|.UAM BVA&T 

Gladstoix) is another. 
That yoar wif^» wbom you 

tbink Worships tbe Tery 

ground |o« trmd 9P0t| sim- 
ply pat« up with you a» a 

necesMfy Mlsance. 
Th^ yoar husband dow not 

like e^ld »utko» for dinner 

more thau tbgae tiaei a 

week. 
That be sec^tly ratertains a 

yery poor oplnioa <« tbe 

newest "baby/ 
That young ladies of tbe pre- 
sent day are acquainted 

with the true meaning of 

tbe symbolism of ^hot 

coppers." 
That a niot tab1# gpoooful of 

cod-liyer oil will do the lady 

who always bas "tuck a 

sinking*' about 11 a.m. 

more good Iban tbe ctts- 

tom]U7 *' glass of sberry." 
That J9P7 is i|^ *'8ubaidiied 

purse. 



3953 



Shaahlnf Diaaarirj. 
Mb. Tomkimb^ oh liii return to Sebastopol Villa, disoovers, to his 
horror, that aaither the window-blinds nor ahntters have been 
closed during his aix weeks' absence at the aetside. " Ah«" said 
Mr. ToMKiNs, when Mrg. T. had had her say, "it is quite 
evident we ought to baye taken the house with us. It would 

. hardly have been noticed 

among the other luggage." 
(Mrs. T0MKIN8 beoomes 
silent immediately.) 

Another Atrtelty. 

Mr. Baadlauoh waa pra- 
sent at a meeting of work* 
iDgmen(!)atSxaterHaU, 
to secure aid for *' onr Ser- 
vian feUowChriatiani." 
Are the Xiiberal party so 
hard put to it for political 
capital, that they must 
needs tolerate the pre- 
sence of this person on 
their platform ? 

I ii ■■*■ 

An Opportunity. 
It is suggested that the 
coloured stockings ao com- 
monly worn by ladies are 
injurious to health, and a 
case of death from poison 
supposed to be imparted 
through this means has 
just b^flU reported. But, 
on the other hand, cases 
are on record where per- 
soaa have died who wore 
no stockiogs at all. Tliis 
U ai difficulty with which 
some of the medical people 
would 4o well to occupy 
ttitmaelvee. 



"I'LL aMiTE YOU WITH A FfiATHERl" 

ir^, I ZBOTJOHX or PAXKTI1f0 A RW; QvLLS IN THE PoREOROtTVD, 
H^P^^Mn, .Bwr w^lii* t^at 4m> to tus Coax or tbb Pk^bi ? 
Artittt }?Ql AT AI*!" 

Art-Pairon. Br Jove, Sir, in niAT CAsa tou*ll oSiXoa VB 
Pawthio a whole FLOOK I 



out af Iiord BEACONBiiai^'s printtf 



That that Jlsa P.'a napcr wefild be drar at half the price of Judi's o^m 
iDCompan^bla polwGatioii. 

LATEST FROM BUGKIKGHAMSHIBE, 
Tbe Wianar of the Parliamentary Stakei. 

FBE;^airrL9 1 

Cavinotoii 8 

FagMANTLj won hy a hoad—^ad a vejy good head, too I 

SllRitUAU«YJ«.~We art iu a ppaitioa to itaie, vpan atithority, t^al 
ALLia Si^Di and Allx $wn% aro n^t ana and the same person. 



Itight after aU. 

8o!4S learned professors 
have discovered that soap 
ia a source of disease — 
tjphoid fever, diphtheria, 
and i^U sorts of ailments 
being di8tribi:^ted throujgh 
its agency. This explains 
the wonderful ohjection 
to its use manifested by so 
many people— an objection 

which centuries of talk have not sucoeedod in removiog. Truly, 

instinct is a marvellous endowment ! 



The Butiiaa Amy* 
Apropos of the wai^ in the East, U is annonnofd that *' the 
HuBsian army can now be brought up to 2,(00 000 men, without 
counting ^e national militia." This is, doubttesa, true ; but it 
does not prove what the ^^sUm soldiers would do when they 
were brought up to 2.500.000 moB. - They ran away from a 
much smaller force in the Crimea* 

■ ■■ ■ ■ 1 ^1^^ ip'^ 

A Saggeatien. 

We have heard more than euough of TurVish ** atrocities" in 

Bulgaria. A new word is greatly needed. How would it do to 

call them '* Turkish Bolgaritiea "? 



FURI!!80LUBIlBI^ 
! 1 1 BEFBE8HING 



CADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCB 



']7 Coeoa 
thu evupUiM 



TAYLORS PATENT 
SEWING MACHINES 



** ' SiQNAL ViQTOiiv.' All cmtrt Btatfn ! At th« recent Grvid Corope- 
tlHrm heM at the Tnrk^hlre ExblMrofl, tV"« MichinenoMssn tr*o^lt 
MKDAT." Ther are snperio- to all o^tiers f>rl)RK«»SMAKrNO and PAtnLT Use. 
la'tn Init i><i ebN«t'm If qnable to ob<iit« fbtm frp^ ^<fnA l>««ler«. «r« r,«nretr»ll7 
rvq newt* i to lend for n Pro«pcet-is lo ^ Phenpnl i*. T#a>«<o", KCj Ofvai DnScd ; or, 
HM New M'«H .04 Oowankm D^iot, flo, HIv* au««, IMniib.«lMm. 



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Oct. 4, 1876.] 



JUDY, OR THE LO.>TDON SERIO-COMrC JOURNAL. 



247 



JUDY'S LUNATIC CONTRIBUTOR'S SPORTING INTELLIGENCE. 



Judt's L. C, since the 
Isfc, goes more thoroughly 
into sport, especially the 
Turf, e'en to adopting the 
costnme for ordinary use. 



He hastens, per telegram, ti> send to 
JuDT the following sporting particulars. 
Some of them may hare appeared in the 
papers as far back as a week or so ago — 
but no matter. 



0<m>BiB H 4WDI0 AP. — Black 
Watch scratched. 



He wires that the ** Ayr ICeeting * 
an open one.— J yr No'es. 



was 



OovEsnro iRTSLLiannnL — ' ' Lepping- 
ton Cop.** Vicar of Bray beating Tom 
Kimg. 



This represents a race for the " Miuden Plate.*' 



Ck)UBsnia iRTEUjaBiroK. — *' Albert 
Park Stakes.** King William 
drawn. 



SHOBT MEMS, FOB 8H0BT MEMORIES. 



Repobts from the Sbastdb. — ^The 81-ton gan, which has 
heen safely transported froin" Woolwich to Shoebnryness, and 
is now being fired at the sea-range there, is pronounced a 
great snccess. The first time the monster was fired for distance, 
it propcdled a mass of iron weighing 1700 lb. a distance of seven 
miles, broke all the windows in the village, made ninety-nine 

per cent, of the population 

deaf (the other one per cent. 



having been bom so), and 
woke np all the babies for 
fourteen miles round. It is 
darkly rumoured that one of 
the artillerymen, who is miss- 
ing, has faUen into the gun, 
and been 4)verlooked at the 
moment of firing. Some one 
has OToposed to fire out Cap- 
tain Webb to look after him, 
and the Hero of the Channel 
could hardly object to a little 
thing like that. 

• 

• • 

A DlSTlNQUISHBD VlSITOa. 

— ^Another royal visitor is ex- 
pected to arrive shortly: a 
monarch rejoicing in the name 
of King Ko» who reigns over 



\ 



/ 



a portion of the Island of Borneo, and will be accompanied by 
a numerous suite. He is not any relative of Old King Cole 
probably, who, we know, was a merry old soul, but it is to be 
hoped that His Majesty of Borneo will enjoy his stay, neverthe- 
less. 

A Good "Opening" fob Somebody. — From the Postmaster- 
General's report, it appears that last year there were twenty-five 
thousau 1 uuaddressed letters posted, and of these nearly five 

hundred contained money, 
amounting altogether to a sum 
of jBr.OOO. The guileless inno- 
cence thus revealed makes one 
think that the World cannot 
be so bad after alL Here is 
a state of affairs worthy the 
attention of that eminent 
financier A. Slopeb, Esq. 



" The Peater of Ajax was 
FOE Light."— In view of the 
annual municipal eleotionB for 
the City of Edinburgh, which 
take place in November, a mo- 
tion has been placed on the 
programme tor diBOussion, to 
the effect that every oounoillor 
(fortv-one) " shall have a neat 
gas-iamp erected at or near his 



THB BieST LIGHT OV THE £ABTXB!I QTJESTIOH. 
'*It if the East^ and JYi>T;7et*t the SaB."-;-SHAK8PKiaB. 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SERIOCOMIC JOUENAL. 



[Oct. 4, 1876. 



residence." As there is always a certain amount of denseness 
about a town-councillor (from which it would be too much to ex- 
pect to find even Edinburgh free) this arrangement for throwing 

a light on the subject ought not to be allowed to fall through. 

• 
• • 

Yeoetacianibm on thb Othbb Side of the Bobdkb.— Glasgow 
has recently been the scene of a "Vegetarian Conference." 
The purpose was to discuss the propriety of forming a Vege- 
tarian Society in that city, but only five persons put in an 
appearance. As five people can hardly be called a conference, 
the Glasgow butchers have decided to open their shops as usufd. 
Turnips are good things in their w&y, but it takes a leg of mutton 
to give them a flavour worth talking about. 



In Medias Res.—'* If 
you wish to arrive at 
truth," says the proverb, 
" avoid extremes." But 
experience does not always 
prove that by taking a 
medium course you al- 
ways reach truth. On 
the contrary, the conduct 
of some mediums — Dr. 
Slide for instance — seems 
to exhibit very much the 
reverse. 



ACOOUNTINO FOR It. — 

There is but one step 
from the sublime Ui the 
ridiculous. Pezhapa, this 
is why BO p^ny persons, 
in thji newspapell and 
elaera^mre, haive been talk- 
ing sneh absurd nonsense 
lately abou^ the Sublime 
POBTE, ^d what iatoW 
dpne wiihjii Ij^t these 
read Lo^4 a>BBBT^s speeoh 
to tlio Oily deputation^ 
and mmexid their ways. 

- ■' • 

• • 

Spiritualistic Mem. — 
How to treat Dr. Slade. 
Give him a " slating." 

• • 

From the Eabtebn 
Counties. — A proposition 
is set on foot for estab- 
lishing a regular pigeon- 
carrier communication 
throughout th^ county of 
Suffolk for police pur- 
poses* the head- quarters to 
be at Ipswich. The birds 
will be used for carrying 

" information " to and 

from the different police^ 

stations in the county, and from detectives out on perilous work. 
The projectors of this wise-acres' scheme are said to be now 
debating whether the pigeons shall not wear a spiked hetmet, hob- 
nailed boots, and worsted gloves when on duty. 

• • 

Strange Too! — A recent number of The American Journal of 
Science and Arts contains a highly interesting paper on Dinitro- 
paradibrombenzols and their derivatives, Menonitroparadibrom- 
benzoles and Nalrinmhydrate solution's action on the Alphadini- 
tro paradipdibrombenzol. And yet people exist who say that there 
is a lack of expressiveness about the English language ! 

Not Geneballt Known. — The game of croquet has long been 
considered a pastime in which curates and other members of the 
clerical profession could take part without any impropriety. 
Also, though it is not very widely known, the English Bishops, 
to a man, are devoted to the game of ** Lawn " temus. 



••q' in the corner. 

It has become the fashion, especially among editors and ex- 
editors of two-a-penny newspapers, to write to eminent men on 
current topics and print their replies, in order to show their 
acquaintanceship with people more important than themselves, 
and to advertise their own names. 1 do not approve of the prac- 
tice. Still, I think the following letter, from one of the most 
illustrious statesmen of our time. Prince Sismarok, is, at the 
present moment, so interesting to the public, that I cannot xefraia 
from publishing it : — 
My dbab *' Q.,"— Truly the Engliph are a wondcrfol nation I 
Usually regarded as a solid, stolid, and practical people, they are 
reality the most excitable in Europe. They are also the most unreasonable. 
They pride themselves on taking the side of the weak. I obserred this 

whea in England. Did a 

little cnr bark and whelp at a 
great mastiff, till at last he 
compelled the superior creature 
to tun on him, the crowd in. 
the street alwajs sympathized 
with the cur, because he was 
smalL Did a little boy, pre- 
suming pn his inferiority in 
size, worry and amnoy % hig 
boy till the big boy resented 
the insolence, the crowd in- 
variably expressed its sympa- 
thy with the aggressor— not 
because he was right, but be- 
catise he was smaU.^ 

^his feeling I, at least, am 
not ^rpriaed to. see the Bni^- 
lisa carry in^ politics, ' and 
you^ Opposi^n, at the end 
of its temArci^ are now 

WbeiL^^ur ' <3€vertimeiit 
sent a Md to Beaika Bay, 
tiie Stroke was aFtprored by 
the Whole nation. • The fnc^ 
ment information! was rii 
ceived of the/ ^ceM in 
Bulgaria, a Wl of Mu- 
tton arose ag^tiost the .Miiiia- 
try for sending the i(teet'to> 
Beaika Bay. 

Your Foreign • MhMbr'B 
announoement of hiai)o^ii^1k> 
be able to localize thetj^aene 
of hoetilities between TnilLey' 
and Servia, was similarly re- 
ceived with universal appro- 
val. The same Minister is 
now condemned for not en- 
couraging the whole Sclav 
population to join in the fray. 
Truly the English are a 
wonderful nation ! 

I have had to face the same 
difficulty that confronta your 
Biinistry. Had I bowM to 
the joke of talk and pamph- 
lets, Germany would not now 
be where she is. In France^ 
uninformed clamour provailcd with a resxdt not unknown to the world. 
I have no fear of this uninformed clamour, created by disappointed 
statesmen and amateur politicians desirous of airing their personal vanity, 
prevailing in England. Still, I agree with you, that it may have the 
most disastrous consequenoea It was by mistaking this uninformed 
cUmour for the voice of England, that his Ute Majesty the Emperor 
Nicholas was led to cross the Pruth, and find himself face to face with 
England, France, Italy, and Turkey. It was by mistaking thia uninformed 
clamour for the voice of England, that Denmark was led to pit herself 
against united Prussia and Austria. It ia through the same miatake that 
Servia has rejected the armistice proposed by the joint Powers. 

In Germany, an enemy to his country, whether a biahop or an ex- 
minister of the Crown, would experience the fate of Count Habbt Abhdc. 
In England, if he makes a speech or writes a pamphlet, people are allowed 
to applaud him. 

I suspect our friend Disraeli-Bbaoonsfixu) will b cequal to the ntuatiop. 
" The English, howeTer,[aro a wonderful nation ! 

Tours faithfully, Bismabw 



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JUDY. OE THE LONDON SEBIC 



WHAT IT M U 



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JOMIC JOUENAL— Oct. 4, 1S76. 



T COME TO. 



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Oct. 4, 1876.] JUDY, OB THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOUBNAL. 



253 



"ONG CONTINO^'G." 

(From Several Diibrent Points of View.) 

1. — From Rkgihaid dk'Robihsow, Junior, Esq., to a Chum. 

Ftorerice, Tueiday, 

Dbak Old Jack, ^You'll see, by the aboye addresS; that we'ye at last 

arrived at our destinatloii, so I send yoa my loog-promised letter anent 

this " Capital of Art and Poetry." Well, I can't say, you know, that I 

care so much for the V* Art-and-Poetry " notion of the place — ** the very 

stone on which Dabtb nscd to sit* ' "the villa Bogoaccio dwelt in" 

*< the tower Gaulko watched in," and so on, and so on, but as a 

regnlar jolly place to have yonr larks in, this is really Al, and no error. 

No, I <2on't mean to say that the **Pitti" is the place — though your 

Cook's irrepressible Tourist will let off kit cheap and nasty jokes there, 
"mort's the pity," as I know you'll say— for jour lark, but the Cascine 

in the moning, and, **f After the Opera's over," Jack, I believe you, my 

b-o-o-yl I like the people __[ 

too. I'm not quite ^^ ^ 

I exactly appreciate 

Gentlemen at pred 

own appreciation; 

Yooog Ladies of I 

OLoi'i I don't ki 

you know, that they 

our folks — espec 

feminiBe ones, hs 

would call handsom 

ture, but there's t 

dreamy languor, Ja( 

of a tender Clkofati 

about 'em, my boy; 

their ezptession — 

prestion^r*Ah. ! 

is 410^ as I know j 

"aB myeya" . Tl 

•ertainly> <dre»likff . 

womaDi nat. dwei 

Yieamese, but, as 

before, how. Viey cm 

fim / • L can't thin 

md^ lei^tares in F 

teUyqu) jwk noiw; 

tuzi^" I have men 

quite,- quite ebough 

TUneawiDUy,aU.o 

Begibau)' Dk ] 

P.S.Tf-Tbe Smpi 

you knOw, <jf No. 

here, and, oh, h( 

Ahoilika does lo< 

my charmer ! Loi 

for Jos, "as the say] 

2, — From Miss . 

SmpKnieoN to 

Fbisri). 

Florence, H 

Dabloiobst Pops 
see by this that 
''done'^Qermany a 
xerland, and arrived 
sound in this most h 
and romantic city. I 
of my intense surpric 
ing down the hot< 
find that the Di Bo: 

our Db R.'s of No. ju^, jou 

know— were actually stoppingyn the same hotel ! "And vour Keoot," 
I sewn to hear you say at once. Ah, my dear, " My Regot " in Brixton, 

but Mine no more" in Florence ! Ob, Popsib, the way in which he 

IS canyuJg on with these dreadful braien plain yoong persons is almost 
tnertdiUel Sad bad taste, too ; ah! he had better in Brixton. But don't 
imagine for one moment that I care one hit. Oh dear no ! I have a 
certain admirer now here beside whom Mr. db R. looks quite plain. 
Yes, my dear, the Count ton Badmbhatt we met at Homboni^ has 
actvally followed me on here ! I met him this morning— quite by acci- 
d^t, »/* the Pitti," and he squeezed my hand and looked— oh ! unutter- 
^le unutterableness. His English is certainly not so good as his eyes. 
Bveiy time I meet him I think he will propose — I've never seen a man 
lw)k It so much before ; Jknd then fancy your Abobliha The Countess voh 
BADDBBHATT^a real live Countess, my dear, uith a Castle/ Rather 
better than plain Mrs. db Robibbon with a ** villa " at Brixton I More 
'^*^*'a^**^ ^^^^ ^^' ■^^*^» darlingest Popsib, your lovingest Ahgib. 

P-8'"-You should but only eee the **asure deep " of At* eyes I And 



> his grand chivalrous manner 1 1 And his be— eautiful lovely duck of a 
dear blonde moustache ! ! ! 

Z.—From John TnoiiAg, Footman, to Chawlbf, Coachman. 

„ ^ ™ . . "** Florence, Tuesday. 

MT DEAR Chawlks,— This comcs hopping it finds you as well in hold 
Hinglandas it leaves me at pressent excepting my hinside wjiich bawful is 
the word an which is all throogh the drefful German eatin an drinkin hi ad 
to put up with an put down wuss luck wen with our famlyat his serene igh- 
ness shatto. Wot would you say now to raspberry jam with your biled beef 
instead of carrots follered cIoeo hup by a sallad made of cold pertaters 
which makes you feel jest for hall the worid as bif you'd been and swal- 
lered a bal-loon. This place we now is at hain't so bad the cooking is 
better though for my part I likes to take my oil Aottteide on my head not 
Attiaide in my stummick for there is sich a thing as avin to much of a 
good thing as the eayin is. The wust of these furrin places though is 
the wery common famUes wun BMets with . You wouldent believe now as 
^_, I*m asooiating with a fiwrnly 

ton SlMPKIBSOBS 

in jest fancy bel- 
brixton a ebnob- 
leir pity in this 
yther a nicish sort 
an their statyds 
iceptin their iark- 
les which in my 
iumisareglarbad 
man an wlures his 

more at pressent 
liaffec John Thomas. 

JOHB SiMPKIBSON, 

F&iBBX) in Town, 
lorence, Tuesday. 
Jbowb,— Here wte 
e luck !) in tfale 
JC6 Florence, aafd'I 

devoutly we were 
i in Brixton, and 
od the chance of 

chop and pint oi 
t more under the 
St. Paul's. Why, 
[>w, I've not been 
la steak sent up 
i at Baboslap'b in 
r since I left Folk- 
he way, too, in 

trotted about to 
these confounded 
upid statues, and 
so on, is awful. I 

I feel, when the 
Itime comes, liter- 
eet. The De Rob. 
u know them, the 
firm— are all here, 
all here, if I may 
to jest in a serious 

Master db R. will 
ak to my Abobliha 

seen these con- 
Florentine young 

1 all my long^ 
hopes of getting 

into the busi- 
knocked on the 

neaa. aboblika, too, is 

quite taken up with a wretched sort of German-band-looking fellow who 
is for ever jawing about his "Castle in Vateriand," and calls himself 
"Count." Bah I, "Castle in Vateriand" indeed, more likely in the 
air I And as for his beiiig a Count, why they don't count for much over 
here. I have told him I'm bankrupt, and Ahoib won't have a penny. 
That'll send him off. Confound your going " Ong Continong,'* say I, 
and expect us all back in Brixton by Saturday at latest.^ 

■ Yours as ever, J. S. 

6. — From " The Count yob Baddebhatt" to a Fbibbd. 

Florence, Wednesday, 
Mob chbb Suit,— Ex pect me from mine oUiday back at your Hotel 
Kegmeg in dear Soho by Saturday, when I do then return to my avocation 
of chef. Ah, mon ami, how ave I been deceived in one Anglaise Meese 
I meet, by name one Sim pkibsobs ! Yar ! she ave no monies ; her pa be 
what you call "bankrupt," so he say of beself. I find out just in time, 
and I do fly. But she ave no find me out ; she take me for one real 
foreign noblemans. Aha ! A — ha ! Louis. 



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254 JUDY, OE THE LONDON 


SEMO-COMIC JOUENAL. 


[Oct. 4, 1876. | 


NURSERY MORALS. No. lO.-The Good Husband. 


It miial be a mos^ gratifying thing to all Noneiy Moralists to know that 




these Morals are largely tnmslated, as soon as they appear, into several 


to this poor lady, urging her to go a step further, and put on the " dual " 


laagoages, some of them belonging to sooh oat-of-the-way places I am 


garments, but she didn't seem to see it ; and when the Convention was 


afraid to name them, lest yon shoald not believe me ; whilst, in onr own 


finally adjourned tine die, most of the fair Americans walked away with 


genial dime, they are now looked npon as eqaal as nursery necessitieB to 


their pettiooaU on just as if there had been no 


Convention at alL 


Mm. Whatshemame*s Soothing Synip, PKBiiiRa's Powders, Willb's 




Birdseye^ and Eed Heart Run. 


into the world for, unless it is to make yourselves as pretty as possible, and 


Am Slopie says, What 




get off your poor dear 


an age is this ! Chil- 




parents' hands as soon 


dren onoe npon a time 




as may be ? There were 


had not half onr 




married women, you see. 


chances ! Look at the 




who pnton the ''duals;*' 


Morals they nsed to 




and, of course, if they 


have fbroed violently 




liked to, I don t much 


into their poor dear. 




see that it matters; 


wretched, miserable 




indeed, I dare say there 


litUe minds, by parUes 




are husbands who would 


like that ghastly man 




prefer it 


who trotted ont young 




Theindividaslinthe 


"SandfordandMerton/* 




nightcap our artist has 


Had thev a cheerful 
creature like yours truly 




here depicted was a 




husband who objected 


to point out to them 




to fine clothes. He be- 


what was good and jolly 




longed to the ante- 


siUy, and what was 




Quaker period, or pro- 


naughty but awfully 




iMbly he would have 


nioel No, ihey hadn't! 




been a Quaker. Hu 


Poor things! 




good lady, on the con- 


In another part of 




trary, was almost inor- 


this journal you may 




dinately fond of dress. 


find this week some 




even for a lady ; and 


illustrations relating to 




when he positively or- 


the *<New Dress Reform 




dered her to lock up all 


Association," held not 




her finery and put on 


long ago at Philadelphia, 




horrid common ugly 


Mr. D. M. Allin, of 




clothes, she felt as 


Ohio, presiding, when 




though her heart would 


''eight of the ladies 




break. Indeed, she 


(including three spins- 




found that life was 


ters) appeared in the 




wholly insupportable 


reformed costume," and. 




un ess she could put on 


no doubt (though the 




her fine clothes. How 


Timet correspondent 




was it to be managed ? 


does not mention the 




Of course, where there 


fact), looked supremely 




is a will there is a way. 


ridiculous. 




She might not wear 


Wonderful remarks 




them by day, but who 


were made upon the 




was to prevent her get- 


occasion, and surprismg 




ting up in the night (he 


resolutions carried unsn- 




was a wonderfully heavy 


imously. For instance. 




sleeper, the goodman) 


it was resolved, among 




and taking a walk aU by 


other things, ** That, as 




herself in the deserted 


friends of humanity, we 




garden by the light of 


repudiate fashionable 




the moon f She did so, 


dress, and recommend 




too, for many nights ; 


individual .choice in 




and though tiiere was 


fiibries and forms of 




no one in the world to 


clothing; that, to obtain 




see her, the reflection 


true lives and equal op- 




that the goodman would 


portunity in the puiv 




not have liked it, if he 


suit of happiness, to 




had known, lent a kind 


elevate woman above 




of charm to the esca- 


slaveries and pernicious 




pade, and it was very 


habits, we will reason 




jolly indeed. 


with her, admonish and. 




Unhappily, however. 


entreat her to cease ao- 




the goodman one night 


Mpting bodUy burdens, 




awoke, and just caught a 








ons inventions, and use 




ly attired, in the act of 


her own mind, skill, and 




leaying the bedroom. 


taste in fonning oom- 




He jumped up as he 




was, threw a blanket round him, and followed her. Hiding among the 


After tlds, Dr. Bbowv recited a poem, designed to inspire the new 


damp grass, he watched and watched, yet saw no glimpse of the rival 


movement. ** Freedom of speech from what we think,'' said Dr. Bbowit, 


he expected ; and when at length she turned to go in, he took a short 


" And freedom, tee, in dress, Slave-master Fashion, now-adays, does the 


cut and reached the bedroom first, resolving to 
Did she^ now, in those lonely moonlight n 


go again next night 


ladies sore oppieM. He Muds their legs in petticoats, puto hunches on 


ambles, wonder whether a 


their bips^ he cramps their feet in Uttle shoes, they cripple on the chips." 


gallant stranger would ever pass that way t " 


How is it he don*t keep his 


Mn. Dr. Atwatie said she had not adopted the reformed dress, but 




good husband, '^shivering 


her sympathies were wth the movement, and she honoured women with 


among the wet grsss. 




oouage enough to adopt the dress. Her husband, whom she described as 


Wet grass is a bad thing for good husbtnds to sit upon, and it was too | 




much for this one. He died, I regret to say 


: then she wore moiiming 




for a while, and then put on aU her beautiful clothes ! > 



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Oct. 4, 1876.] 



JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIC JOTTRNAL. 



255 



SLOPE R'S WARDROBE. 



Ths extraordinary ezdtement caused by A. Slopsb's " Kalen- 
dar " has also, not nnnatorally, caused the cWilized world to take 
a deep interest in Slopsr himself. 
A. Slofeb's personality (he is one of the moat personal men 

Cover met with) has awakened a strange interest in the 
ms of dwellers in far-off places. People have walked up to 
town from long distances, as they osed to do to hear Messrs. 
MooDT and Sanket, and have felt better for doing so. 
Afflicted persons haye felt desiroas of consulting him aboat their 
sorrows. One with a bad l^g of fifteen years' standing, said he 
thought it wonld tsure him if 
he conld kick Slofbb hard. B 

Others, again, who collect 
relics, have laid violent hands 
upon A. Slofbb's property, 
and he has been compelled 
to attach his hat and nmorella 
finnly to his person. Meaa- 
while Dthers nave got at his ^ 
coat-tails with a pair of ads- 
sors, and snipped off ioa- 
venirs. 

All this mig^ haifiof^ pat 
moit people out,bat Slopbb*s 
eqpiammify is not easily dis- 
turbed. Slopeb takes things 
easily when no one is looking. 

However, should this kind 
of thing go on, therelis a 
possibilxly that SiopxB^may 
require a new suit (a good 
deal of oieooat-tail is abready 
missing), and it has therefore 
been Uiought advisable (by 
A. Slofkb) to have iUustra- 
tions made of his clothes 
before it is too late! Itia 
also possible, should an oppor- 
tuni^ occur, that A. Slopbb 
may be tempted to pari with 
his wardrobe for a consider- 
ation. Proprietors of mti- 
seums, collectors, Madame 
TussAUD & Sons, and others, 
will find this a rare chance, 
which should not be missed. 
(N.B.— The whole have been 
fdmigated.) 

Some further particulars 
may not be out of place here. 

A, {See spirited lUustrdtions) Slopeb^s Hat.— This is the same 
one that httEi been sent round so often. It is quite square! Thei« 
is no deception. The crown is a little unreliable for heavy 
weights. The mourning band is purely ornamental. This Slopbb 
feels it necessary to state in reply to kind inquiries. 

B, Slofeb's Coat.— This has frequently been turned, and is as 
good one side as the other, and better than new. The pockets 
are good for holding Ihii^s. ' Sbmetilnes ona has a bottle in it, 
but the office bo^ had it round the comer fetching something at 
the time these spirited illustrations were being taken. 




i 



^ 



G, Slofeb's Tb**8*bs. — ^These don't resemble Slofeb's bills, 
because they have been r*8**fc*d. 

D, Slofeb's Umbbella. — This has not been up as often as it 
might have been had they not objectsd to take it in. 

E, Slopbb's Stock. — ^A chance for Turkish bondholders 
desirous of recouping themselves. 

F. Slofeb's Collab. — He is never out of it. 

G. Slofeb's Bight Boot. — A thing of beauty is a joy for ever! 
H. Slofeb's Levt Boot. — ^Left with Slopbb by acddent. He 

had sent his slipper to be mended, and the boy made a mistake. 

/. Slofeb's Glove. — Fits 
/^ d either hand, ox may be worn 

as a stocking. 

J. ' Slofeb's Stookino. — 
Doesn't fit May be wop 
for a sore-throat. 

The above (registered fior, 
transmission abroad),; cottt- 
prise the whole of Slopeb!^ 
wardrobe. 

Slopeb, 
Beautiful and Unadorned "j 

ranOBIAL HOTE.'' J 
The Editorof Judt thinks it 
necessary to mention W^^ 
should Slopeb desire to turn 
the JtTDT ofioe into an old 
dothes' Aop, he will find 
that his efforts in that di-. 
rection will meet with firm 
and persistent opposition. 

Any article of clothing de- 
posited by A. Slopeb, or by 
A. Slofeb's agents upon the 
JuoT premises, will be hurled 
into the centre of the road, 
care having been taken to 
time the act one moment in 
advance of a passing cart' 
wheel 

A. Slopbb fbuiid in an 
unadorned condition within 
the jPalatial premises, will be 
pumped upon and given into 
custody. 

N.B.— With respect to the 
" Comic Kalendar" (Slopeb's) 
it may here be observed that the issue for 1877 is startlingly unlike 
that for 1876, which, in its information, was almost too grossly 
inaccurate even for Slopeb^ A man oapaUe of fixing Q^y 
Fawkes' Day on the dth of November is nnworthy of polite con- 
sideration. This year, however, there are no errors. We have 
Slofeb's word for it, and you could not reasonably ask for more. 

The price of* A. Slofeb's **Kalendar" this ^ear is but One 
Penny. 

Muse a note of this ! 

The price of hmi year's " Kalendar " was* also One Penny only. 



t^abs^j^ 



J 





At Last 
The Court of Common Council have finally resolved to carry 
out the recommendation of the City Lands Committee, and 
remove Temple Bar. Considering the inanner in which it has 
been found necessary to support the poof Old^structure, there can 
be no doubt that to remove it is the prop-er course. It is sup- 
posed that the authorities, when it is taken down, intend to send 
it to the American Centennial. 

Hothing Few. 
In the Old Jewry, the other night, considerable excitement was 
caused by two old houses being pulled down by limelight — the 
intention being to avoid the stoppage of traf&c which would have 
resulted had the work been done by day. But, after all, there is 
nothing new in this. Many a theatrical manager has used the 
limelight to ** bring down the house." 



. Very Likely. 
The Isle of Wight has been visited by a whirlwind, which, at 
Cowes, was so violent as to blow down several houses, to unroof 
several more, to root up large trees, and to cause an immense 
amount of damage to property. It is beUeved by all the old 
ladies (male and female) in the neighbourhood that this disturb- 
ance is due to the firing of the 81-ton gun. 

NOW READY, 

ALLY SLOPERS ''COMIC KALENDAR FOR 
1877." Twenty-four ' Pages full of Pictures. 
Price One Penny. Post Free, l^d. To be had 
Everywhere. 



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256 



JUDY, OB TEE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. [Oct. 4, 1876. 



RE "THE DUAL GARMENT S." 

{See Letter from the American Corretpondent of the " Timet,**) 



I N 



looomottoB ftad respiration, thtiB oatusing constant 
waste of vital foroe.'* {See Besolution No. 2.) 



pecuenc xo use zoo tMnarm. i/rma. 
Brayo, braTO, Mrs. MaRRTWcnuEB ! 



THE ONLY JONES. 

Hov'r'd 1^'ax,— Onoe mora your Only returns to the gfj metropoliB, 
and it U his intention to go the Rounds. His old friend William 
(Shakspkaei), he obserres, is here before him in great force, as is also 
ICr. CiBBBR. Mr. Babbt Sullivan and ICr. Phblps are among the 
exponents, and, generally, lots of lively erenings seem to be in store forns. 

Mr. Hbsbt Nbvillb's motto seems to be the Dake*s. The Dake*8, 
meanwhile, appears to hare squared the circle. The monkeys, I am told, 
draw the 'apence. The Oreal Divorce is still the Case at the Criterion, 
and though the volatile Chablbs takes his audiences' breath away, he 
does not appear to wind 'em altogether, as some of them are said to come 
back again two or three times. 

/o is a Go— at the Globe, I mean. The playbill calls the vendon at the 
Maryiebone a Poor Jo, I think it hardly politic to call one's own pro- 
dnotions poor, is it ? I dare say, on the contrary, it is very good. 

Dav'l is not in the lion's den this time. He is himself a lion, and it 
would be more than a wee sin (as the man o' Airlie might say) to miss 
him. Whilst the Court is open for an off-season, acting melodrama. 
I call it a very happy thought of the acting manager to print the bills on 



useful things hitherto 
monopoliBed by the Un- 
fa^ 8ex. 



The Reform Costume—' 
fitting Trousers and Btcck. 



Looee- 



the same coloured paper used during the regular comedy sesson. It gets 
the theatre's name up with our country cousins. Howerer, these are but 
trifles light as Habb. I don't like to say anything about the Gaiety, for 
fear mine should be advertised as a tooth-pick style, and it should injure 
your circulation. 

Noe Intimes at the Prince of Wales's ; I wish it had been instead 
something by Dumas fiU-wijhow, it isn't William, and the cast is 
capital. The Prineeat Toio at the little Strand. If it was Miss Sahtlbt 8 
idea to bring it here, I should be inclined to say, '* Katb/ oh, thou «»- 
Bonest well! " At the Alhambra, in the new spectacle, they Don the 
finest of fine apparel, some of it very pretty and fanciful, thanks to Mr. 
Alfbbd Maltbt, who designed it. 

Indignantly protest against Our Boys, They are no longer boys of 
mine I have done with them. I'll aUow them to reach their thousandth 
night— that, I think, is only reasonable— and then I'll strike. To this, 
Mr. Jambs, I take my Davy^^ Thb 0. J. 

Giying it a Hame. 
Db Sladb, the '* spiritualistic medium," has got into trouble through 
that useful scholastic article, the slate. His so-called spirit writing is 
believed to be nothing more than ** sleight" of hand. 



PUBEISOLUBLEII 
! 1 1 REFRESHING 



CADBURY'S 
COCOA ESSENCE 



CAUTION, 
— If Cocoa 

muBtd iH(A 



IRCULAR 
POINTED 



BRANDAUEBi 



PENS 



{5SJSK* 



bv a new niuews.- 
IBampUBoxaad 



Published by the Proprietor, at 73, Fleet Street, B.C. Printed by Woodfatt k Kihme, MiUord Lane. Strmd. W.C.-Wbdkmdav, October 4, 18T6. 



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Oct. 11, 18760 JUDY, OR THE LONDON SERIO^OMIO JOURNAL. 257 



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Oct. 11, 1876.] JUDY, OR THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. 259 



MORE VULGARIAN ATROCITIES.-By ALI SLOPER, the original BashftaBazouk. 

It is not, perhaps, very generally known that Mr. Sloper supplied 
Mr. Gladstonb wiUi the majority of the facts alluded to in the late 




Aw 



mukixig awfully ugly faces at 
Bulgarian babe. 



pamphlets and speeches. 

Mr. Slopes has much to answer for, hut he did it all with the 
best intentions. 

Mr. Sloper had entered into arrangements with an eminent 
newspaper editor to supply atrocities at so much per 4oaen, and 
he is inclined to think he put a batch of atrocities ii^ tt|^ wrong 
envelope. . , 

A. Sloper has never committed any atrocitie^f mi his own 
cccount, and defies any one to prove that he has. |t Ji l»ot in 
A. Sloper. He wouldn't willingly hurt the feelipgs of H fly. or 
go over a worm with the 
garden roller. 

, It is a wicked story to say 
that Slopeu has ever been a 
Bazouk — either a BaBhful 
or a Bpshy one ! These 
reports ure doubtless cir- 
culated by I. M06K8. from 
feelings of hatred, envy, and 
qinlice, oaused by the enor- 
mous sueeess of the '* Comic 
Kal^-ndar/' 

MosES is a mean-spirited 
ereature; but this may be 
as much hb misfortune as 
his fault. We can't all of 
Hi be eminent litterateurs, 
and publish enormously 
sncoessfol '*KalendarB;"and 
Moses, who might have 
Iflapd in, but was too greedy, 
ff »ti fee) very bad just now. 

The illustrations to this 
9r(icl9 ir^re supplied in ad- 
flMAA f^ Slopeb's courteous 
pnMMidft who said Sloper 
WQiiM doubtless do any atro- 
city for a fixed sum. and they 
l^lght be sure he ^ uuld act 
up to the illustrations by the 
data of publication, even if 
be had not done so already. 

Cut how wrong he was. 
The whole 9fhif, as it now 
itawUtisft heartless fraud 
perpetrated opon the too 
confiding pftbUe. A. Slopes 
never commiU^i thefinoour- 
teoui act to the ipeient 
HerviMi millden horo de^ 
ploted. A. Slopeb's de|^rt- 
ment to the %^w bts alw^vs 
been ohivahfy iMf, Totbe 
Aged he is gentle iip4 forbearfiif , aaJ. wImni • Uf * scarcely ever 
Ideked even his 4^f^ mother witft hi$ oeoU #ii. 

The ineMeot of tb# #|||edy Imtma mfl«m»n*a 9^ if a iinosa 
#alumiiy{ and t^ •AMr^ f}M h^iyfeia Mm, tur me knowiog 
A. 6ix>PEB'g lof# fof babep mm4 im ai 09m k vWieulously 
untrue. 

The hat incident i§ ffairerthy of BMittw. ^ Uve, and let 
live/' has #?ar h^en A* il.0PBB's motto ; yet what a world 
this is. and how the best of ns are misunderstood ! Do ^hey 
really know what manner of man A. Slopes is, even at the Judt 
office ? If so, why jostle him when he approadies that part of 
the premises where the till is situated, and sat thB i^ce boy— 




who is a paltry, poor-spirited lad, and never has as much as 
change for sixpence upon him at one time— to follow A. Sloper 
about, and remove loose stationery if he comes near to it ? 

There is a time when all this falls upon the heart bowed down, 
and it makes tl^e lightest heart heavy. They have suspended 
supplier nt the geoeral shop in A. Sloper's old neighbourhood, 
t^nd they want a month m advance for the new house Mrs. 
Slopeb has found. 

All this is enough to sour any Kalendarist, however enormously 
successful, and A. Slopbb feels as though he would like to rest 
bin aged head and gather moss. 
7he above desure m»f i^^pear somewhat incoherent oil the part 

of A. Slopbb, but he feels 
hart, and doesn't see -why 
the courteous publisher 
should get a sale out of 
pictorial libels of A. Sloper, 
unfounded on truth. 

To revert to pleasanter 
themes : A. Sloprr is happy 
to announce that friends and 
admirers have rallied round, 
and letters of coufl^ratulation 
(mostly unpaid) have poured 
In upon A. Slopbb from all 

One says he has a small 
garden, and is much troubled 
py earwisfs, which an in- 
verted flower- pot has hither- 
to failed to alleviate. He 
^inks if Slopbb would lend 
him his hat, it might do 
some good. 

Another says he never 
knew what trash was till he 
bought the ** Kalendar." 
Now bo feels better, and 
his appetite is rapidly im* 
provinie. 

" One Who Wants to 
Know" asks if A. Slopbr 
intends to S'ate Dr. Sladr. 
A. St opeb begs to refer him 
to Mr. George Lewis, 
Junior, for any information 
he may require upon the 
subject. 
Slopbb, Atrocity Moralist, 



i 


1 


Ja)| 


1 




M 


t'-^ 


i 



^^ (tutting out elderly Beivlan Gentle- 
man's pipe. 



^ 



. an ^nioiBnt Sei^Mv Ifai4e^ 
in m If )a^i9urt*ou« M^i?- 



4-M fueeting with a celebrated Atrocity 
Collector. 



Most Important Notice reU* 
tive to A. 8]oper*8 *'Comio 
Kalendar for 1877." 



A. Sloper begs to announce 
that the Librarian of Her 
Ifosl Gracious Majesty's British Museum has caused a letter to 
be forwarded to A. Slopbr, desiring him to send a copy of the 
ir^l^-Amid '* Kalendar," for the purpose of enriching the shelves 
of (ha library belonging to the Museum in question. 

^Iia oOLoe boy is at^ this moment on his way with a hand- 
ba^Oir oontainiiig the copy desired, 

A. Slopes pmyoiag M^plving for a reader s ticket, so that he 
may study the saU " Kalendar'' at his leisure in this abode of 
learning. 

At present, the only difficulty is the respectable householder 
whose recommendation is necessary before A. Sloper can obtain 
the ticket. Matters remain thus at the time of going to press. 



A Great OmissioB, 
PaoFEssoB GoLDwiN Smith has become sufficiently disgusted with 
the American institutions of which he was onoe so enamoured, 
and he ia content to find hia ftty back to Oxford again. Up to 
the time of going to pre«s, no deputation had set smI firom New 
York to ask him to tetnrp. lids is very negh'gent on the part 
of the United Statei. / ^ 9 r 



Botanioal. 
A SIN0UIA.B plant has been received at the Jardin des Plantes, 
coming from China, which is for the first time to be cultivated 
in Europe. Its peculiarity is, that at regular hours during the 
day the plant chaiiges colour. It is a niiitake, however, to sup- 
pose that the *' regular plant" is unknown to English botany. 
Oonsnlt A. Si^o^bb. 



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JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEBIO 



THE REAL 

John BttlKto the Char). IP TOU MBIN NO HA 
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ICOmO JOUBNAL— Oei. ii, 1876. 



QUESTION. 

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262 



JUDY, OE THE LONDON SEEIO-COMIO JOUENAL. [Oct. ii, 1876. 




OUE GOUTY ;C0NTE1BUT0B AT GEAVBBWR). 

ONgjDERABLE eurprise, 
probably not uiisaixed with 
alarm I will bo caused in 
cartain airoles by the an- 
nouncem^nt that the sea- 
son at Gravesend is over. 

The idea of Gravesend 
haviof aaeaBon.like Brigh- 
ton er Bcarboreflgh, will 
strike tb« naejoHty af the 
civilised world aa rather 
oddf When the Margate 
Jf oy was a faahionable ron- 
veyanee ; when the wheel 
of fortune turned ^aily at 
Tullt's Bazaar ; when the 
Bafok deftly danced his 
world-famed egg fanr'ango; 
whe^ Mr. Titus Ledbury 
waa a yoon^ man— then, 
I Unwa say, Graveaend was 
in tba habit of having itn 
se^aaii annually: but all 
that ia very long ego. and 
Gmvagafid, J %m reikdy 
to aweafi li98 ^ot had a 
season for tho last twenty years, and. nnlega dom^thing very 
extraordinary occurs, will never have another. 

Two or three times a year, on Bank Holidayi. aavage hordes 
from our London back slums make the plara hideous by their 
presence, and a sunshiny Sunday brings down a few boal-loads 
of dreadful people ; but at other times a gentle melancholy pre- 
vails, and I find myself at this moment one of a shamefaced little 
band of idlers staying here for our pleasure, with a half pretence 
that we are detained here by busincf b, bnt have got to do half a 
dozen c.ontinental capitals before the year's end, when we are 
positively due in town. 

When William Hooabth and his four pot companions came 
on their ^\e days* frolic in 1782, after washing Iheir faces and 
hands, and having their wigs powdered, and drinking coffee and 
eating buttered toast at Mrs. Brambls's, they took a view of the 
building of the new church, the unknown person's tomb and 
epitaph, and the market-place ; and then, aeemingly, having seen 
all that was to be seen, set ofif for Bocheater. There appears to 
be rather leFS to look at now than then. The new church has 
be( n built a longish while, and has become by this time a middle- 
ace d church, with nothing very interesting about it ; the market- 
place is not interesting at all ; and, aa f ar aa I have been able to 
ascertain, as little is known of the unknown's grave and epitaph 
as of the unknown himself. 

I give up my search for Mrs. Bbamblb's houie after a short 
but desperate struggle, and I mount Windmill HilJ. and finding it 
in a Icw-ppirited and dejected condition, with a ghostly link on 
its summit, and a rickety camera obscnra, and a hungiy photo- 
grapher, and seme bare and dismal refreshment rooms, I come 
down again and go to the Terrace Pier. 

The Terrace Pier ia chiefly inhabited by a hermit, laid on to 
take the twopenny toll, and it seems to gladden his heart when 
he gets a chance of doing so. To cheer him up a bit I give him 
my twopence, and have the pier all to myself. Weary of this, 
however, after a while, I deseend into a Bioumftil gtrdan, m Mio 
centre of which stands a decayed ordiestrs, and h^ns snothof 
hermit^a gardener, who nifTfgfiUs singla-hasded agaipsi t U$\(m 
of weedE— greets me with a subdued joy,s#ttioi|gb a bviWIi) jSm« 
were a novelty to him, and says, '* TJm0 nfn'^ HB ibey wm" 

Feeling in a short time ready for spotbinr ptiff or IHvAIm 
else that may turn up, I pass by the ''ClMrandon," and Mnk of 
" Sir BooiB " in the dsvs of his prosperity, •b4 mm9» Ifcrongfc 
a narrow gateway leading into the street, with tm limi |Mf 
dividing it, which I should think must have been a deuce of ^ 
nuisance to Mr. Obton if he came that way often. 

There is music of a fitful nature on the Town Pier, and an 
assortment of penny toys, which make things more cheerful ; but 
the chief entertainment consists of a bell which a trostworChy 
fiTi<1 rpliahlA man rinmi overhead at brief intervals all dav louff. 



scientiously and withoi^t flinch ing,'^carry out a duty allotted i0 
them, however painful that duty may be. Drummers in m 
orchestra are of this class. Did you ever, when you have sat (n 
the stall next to him, know a drummer miss a single note? 

The bell on the Town Pier is, without exception, the beastliest 
brute of a bell you ever heard, and I have no doubt the bell- 
ringer was not engaged without careful selection. What was 
wanted was a man who really would do his utmost to get all 
the row that was possible out of that bell — and he d^eA, A§ to 
the bell itself, there is no use in it whatever. 

When I have been rung at enough, I go in saerob of BpshfMr- 
ville, and aome upon an object of iataivst by th^ way. The 
object is the Clifton Bath House. The prchiteet of this adifioa 
would appear to b%va bad Brighton PAvilion on the brai^ ; but be 
has not surpassad the Pavilion. A pair of majestia oaodiasticka 
in stucco, wbieh face the ediila#| are ewe-iiif|4ring, but one 
misaes the candles. 

Hosherville Gardens would. I suppose, be generally Emitted 
to be really lovely, were oot London people afraid to aay ao. A 
Frenchman I meet here, not having my scruples, admfis them 
to be the most beautiful in the world, and says there is nothiog 
on the Gonttnent to equal them. To add to their natural attrac- 
tions, the proprietors have gone in for Greenwich show swings, 
nut tsrgats, weighing machines, and other horrible contrivances 
for spendiog a l^ppy day. There is also a maze, a live gip3}% 
with a speoial perfnission to tell fortunes without any fear of 
leg»l ^tmn^wmB^ a mummy, and the skeleton of a ^ale. 

The ftslniry if A^bo deserving of attention, particularly their 
noses. Brerf sfsson the jojous Houg'h comes down and bredts 
off poses, ap4 a wellrmeflning oiiaial floanected with the Gardens 
sticks new aasas 09, Btron. this season, his got a flne Roman 
one. I did not notiee Wellixgtok, but I expect he is somewhere 
or other with a snub. 

With the tinkling rustle of dead leaves in my ears, I leav# 
the damp gardea-paths. and sadly retrace my steps by the water- 
side, past rows of empty houses to let. In a quaint, low-e#iiiiiga4 
room at the " 0|d Falcon," overhanging the river, and proppf>4 
up by fast-deciding timber, I take my solitary dinner, ^4 rM4 
the love nonsense persons with soft hearts, fine sentimeiits, aM 
—diamond rings wrote here a hundred years sgo upon i\h$ wU^ 
dofr-panes. 

But it is time to catch the train — ^for I am going away to-nlghter 
and I stroll slowly up the hilly High Street. There is Uie flymet 
wbo wanted to drive me out of the town at a hard gallop (|ui 
moment I arrived in it yesterday morning. Here are the shofif 
full of shrimps again. (Who, in the name of all that is wonder- 
ful, eats shrimps?) Here are the eager eating-houee keepers, 
inviting me once more to step inside and mount to the *' niee 
room npatafrs." Here are two pawnbrokers' shops, and in the 
window of one of them a well-drubbed banjo is exposed for sale. 

Talk of BTSBhE's dead ass ss a poetical theme ! There is, to 
my thinking, a thousand times more poetry and pathos in this 
poor mortgaged banjo. Who brought it down, and what tnnes 
were played upon it? Bsd times must have come upon itf 
player. Waa he a negro minstrel and bad at the baeiness, aii4 
eonld he not make enosgh to pay hia trifling ale-house score aa4 
hie hin» to happier hnntlng-groonds? Poor ^goe and Vagar 
h<mA\ my heart goes out ioyon, though in n^y soul I liavn 
formed the weanrst peaelble estimate of vonr ntHlities. Perhapn 
yon were III, end ves^, and down-bnnried. The pitiless rain bed 
soaked through your nnttered boots, and the cruel wind searebnd 
out the thinnest plaees in ynnr tawdry wardrobe of striped caliee. 

The searching rain is fnWng now in the chnrchyard-»-for irhal 
I know, upon the ijpot irJiere once the unknown's grave was 
pointed out to Mimmf^ ^ht^eeers. The wind drifts the de«4 
leaves against the half-obKterated lAioriptions over other gmres, 
where people lie who were alike onkonvn, nncared for, anl nii<l« 
Qnderstood by all but one or two, who in ikiif imu 9^ Sfim ioo. 

The train is due. The Press wMto* fh$ wmi &^ m 
going round and round. 

ftsTunmno from Hopping^Going hom# firpm tl|# hall. 
TeMo of Conversation for Bakers— The iWnir In Ibe (j)East. 
Best Wood for the Deal School Board — Be(a)ch. 
Consolation Stakes—All that Sc/>jpeb fat af the Autfgnn 
distribution of stttplus bedding-out ple:nls. 
Loous Stajidi.— Put8i4e Jpur's oBcQ vindow in Fleet Street 



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Oct. 11, 1876.] JUDY, OB THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. 



2C3 



TRANSFUSION! 



A poor Fig suffered tbU time, 
expensiye case. 



Rather an 



so out of him. . 



Doucod awkward case: transfusion from a Ram. 



SHOBT MSMS. FOR SHOBT MBMOBIES. 

• • 

Strakos Fact in Natural History. — A few dajs since, a 
buqae put into Eamsgate Harbonr with a larfi[e dogfish on 
board, which had been caught by the mackerel fishers, after 
haying done great damage to their nets. The peculiar part of 
the story is, that it was the barque that had the dog-fish this 
time ; whereas, in the ordinary coarse of things, it would seem 
more natural for the dog-fish to haye had the bark. 

* • 

Bad Look-out for Bismarck. — ^The Pope, it is announced, has 
determined to solemnize the anniyersary of the humUiating 
punishment inflicted centuries ago upon the German Emperor 
HsNRT IV. at Oanoisa. What *' solemnizing " is, and how it is 
done, nobody seems to know, but it is supposed to be similar to 
" Puss in the Comer." All the Cardinals are going to play, and 
BisMABOK is awfully frightened. Meantime, His Holiness the 
Pope goes on with his gruel as before. 

• 

• • 

Whrre the Difficxtltt is. — ^A new system of steam propul- 
sion, inyented by a Swede, has been tried upon the canal basin 
at Pdrt Eglinton. A boat was moyed by the discharge of a 
current of steam from a pipe underneath the keel at the stem. 
This notion has been attempted in British waters before. When 
the pipe bursts, the vessel goes up in the air right enough, but 
the job ia to colleot the pieces when they come down agddn. 

Anotbks New Pier (no reference to Lord Braoonbfirld is 
intended).— It is rumoured that Brighton is likely to haye a third 
pier, to be erected at Hoye. Anyhow, certain Hoyertures which 
nave been made to the authorities are favourably entertained. 
When the preliminaries are all Hover, the work will of course 
be begun at once. 



*'Q"IN THE CORNER. 

Paovidenoe is not a patch upon Mr. Jobn Bright. To hear 
him talk one would suppose that he had done somethiog — ^thut 
he had at least saved a nation, discovered a continent, or invented 
a new pleasure. Nobody who read his recent speech at Man- 
chester would imagine that his sole claim to consideration is 
founded on his having assisted the late Mr. Cosden in tha 
crasade against Protection, and having failed in discharging tha 
duties of a subordinate Ministerial office. 

Hear him — he is perfection itself. There is nothing he does 
not know, and nothing he has not anticipated. In politics, he 
occasiondly difiers from the whole of his countrymen, and his 
countrymen have to acknowledge their weakness. He is quite 
ready to admit that, if there has been an error, it was *' an error 
in which both parties have participated." He only was free. In 
religious matters he is equally perfect '* In the religion with 
which I am connected/' he explained, " we have no creed which 
monarchs and statesmen and high priests have written out for 
us. Our creed," he modestly asserts, " comes pure and direct 
from the New Testament." 

People have not yet come to make a distinction between 
wisdom and talk, and, till they dO| we must expect to find people 
like Mr. Brioht describing Lord Bbaoonsfibld as "the man 
from a certain eminence looking down in cold contempt on 
wrongs he dares no longer deny." 

The talk of people iDce Mr. Bright has not yet borne fruit, 
by driving the country into difficult with any foreign state; 
but it has had the effect of inducing a state of affairs fairly 
represented in our Cartoon. While Russia speaks fair she is 
acting under-handedly, as is her diplomatic custom. Happily, it 
is yet time to circumvent her designs, and this we have every 
reason to hope will be done — if only Mr. Bsight and his 
omniscient friends will remain qtdet. Q. 



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264 



JUDY, OR THE LONDON SERIO-COMIC JOURNAL. [Oct. il, 1876. 



THE TALE OF A TEA-ROSE, 
An Allegory. 

Oncb upon a Time— that time vkich, to many of ns, is full of such 
bitter-sweet memories, of hopes neyer fulfilled/ of fond dreams nerer 
realized, of blighted Loye, of Broken Hearts I— Once upon a Time I was 
a flourisliing, happy, and promlsiig yoang Bose-bnd. My bndding bosom 
was full, almost to premature 
with a host of 



yet undefined aspirations and 
yearnings ; with proud ambi- 
tion ; with waking dreams of 
my future career. I was the 
youngest of a large family, 
and every brother and sister* 
of our tree had *Humed out 
well" We were, indeed, 
well known— almost famous 
throughout the country, and 
a great- aunt of mine, on my 
father's side, once took the 
first prize at the Crystal 
Palace Rose Show. 

And now — now what am 
I ? Ah me ! Alas ! oh, alas ! 

But let me relate my melan- 
choly story. 

In an evil hour, one un- 
happy day, 1—fell in love. 
Oh, unhappy day ! Oh, mis- 
erable hour ! Unhappy do I 
say ? Miserable ? Ah, yes, 
as the sequel will show ; but 
how happy, oh ! how happy, 
did that day — how joyous 
that hour appear to me then/ 
In the midst of my sore an- 
guish now of body and mind, 
in this dark hour and with 
the awful Shadow of Death 
encircling me, in what viyid 
relief that bright, gladsome 
hour stands out I 

Why, I can, even now, 
almost feel the warmth of the 
bright sunshine in that bean- 
tiful Roee-garden ; I can see 
the Yery dress of white ki^u^^ 
with the big blue sash She 
then wore ; and the fragrant 
scent of her golden hair, as 
She bent over me in girlish 
admiration, is still with me. 

Ah me, that I should know 
what I doknow — that* beneath 
so fair an exterior could b^t 
a heart of such perfidy ! 

She had come from London^wn on a rlsit to our house, and regularly 
every morning after break fast^^She. would come tripping across the trim 
lawns, and among the bright fiower-beds— herself a flower among flowers 
— to pay our tree a visit. lEtow happy were those yisits I how happy was 
I when her radiant presence was near me, how sad when the melancholy 
moment came for her to go ! 

Day by day did I expand and unfold^in the genial waimth, and increase 
in beauty and colour under the^right sunshine of her eyes ; and one rap- 
turous morning, when, clapping-.her little hands with delight, she declaied 
I was ** a perfect Zow," I felt^niy'self bjush crimson to my very petals. 

At last, one morning, came .al^rrible blow to my Love's Young Dream. 
She did not pay us her customary^ visit, and I overheard a gardener say 
*' She had been suddenly summoned' back to London." A few days after 
this, '* our people," as the Pitman used to call his master and mistress, 
went abroad, and the terrible news spread through the garden that Prigo, 
the Head Gbrdener, was sending the fruit, regetables, and flowen up to 
London town for sale in a^pTace he called^" Oommon Giarden." 



This last news I hailed with joy. My existence on our tree without 
Her had become insupjlortable ; and, although in the yery prime of my 
blossom, and heyday of colour, I felt that I had receiyed a blight which 
only the sight of Her once more could cure. Now in London, some 
instinct told me I should be near—nay, I may even run the chance of 
again seeing Her. 
One day Prigq approached our tree with a sinister smile and his (too) 

well-known great scissors. 

Instinct told me what was 

coming, and I shut my eyes. 

An awful minute's sus« 



<<8IG0MD THOOGHTS ABE BEST." 

Railway Ouard, This is hot allowed. Sir ! Hi mitbt comb out of that. 
Oent, Oh— AB— TKs— TRUi ! I roRGor. Takb him awat— take him awat 1 

[Guard thinkt twice. 



When I recoyered oon- 
' EciousnesB I |onnd myself 
being carefully deposited in a 
glass of water placed in the 
window of a famous flower- 
shop in Oovent Garden. Here 
the novelty of scene and ac- 
tion was not nnpleasing, but 
scarcely had I time to become 
•#nsed to my new sphere, when 
I was hurried away into yet 
another. I was bought by a 
customer, a Young Gentleman, 
who wanted, he said, *'the 
very best ' batton-hole ' tea- 
rose he eould buy." 

That self-same eyening I 
went, in the button-hole of 
the Toung Gkntlenuui'i drea- 
coat, to a grand ball in Bel- 
grave Square. I had not 
been in the room ten minutes 
when my heart began beating 
wildly ; I felt my oolour 
coming and going as, fairest 
of all the fair beauties in that 
gay throng, I recognised — 

Her/ In another ten 

minutes the snnshine of her 
sweet ^mile was upon me, her 
fragrant breath fanned me as, 
with my now hated Lord and 
Master's arm encircling her 
slight waist, we went round 
aod round in the masy troit- 
temps. 

Ah me ! — fool, oh I fool diat 
I was ! Love is, indeed, 
bUnd ! All the time that I 
thought her sweet smile wm 
intended for me, it was mtaat 
for my master.... Th^ ^^leed 
many more danoes together, 
and during each juocessive dance I noticed that my master's manner grsw 

more impassioned, his attentions more unmistakably pointed He took 

her down to supper, and, before going back to the ball-room, he pencilled a 
few lines on a slip of paper, which, wrapping carefully round my stem, he 

gave to her with an expressive look As she placed me in her besom 

I fainted away. ••*♦♦• 

When I came to I found myself in the sanctity of her diunty boudoir, 
and held tenderly in one little hand, whilst with the other she was un- 
rolling the paper my late master had twisted tightly around my stem. 
In her strange eagerness to read the words he — how I hated him then t — 
had addressed to her, she let me fall heavily to the ground. 

Whilst I ky prostrate and unheeded at her feet, I saw her give a little 
start of glad surprise as her eager eyes devoured the writing. Then a deep 
flush crimsoned her fair neck and £sce ; a bright beautiful smile came int« 
her eyes ; happy tears glistened on the drooping lashes ; and her lips 
trembled with an infinite tenderness. 
And I layj^broken-hearted — deserted — dying t 



pense, 
snap/ 



and then snip— 



CADBURY'S 



PUBEI SOLUBLE!! 
illBEFRESHIN 



CAUTION, 
— If cocoa 
thiekent m 
th€ cup tt it 
mtsMd mih 
itMreh, 



COCOA ESSENCE 



TAYLORS PATENT 
SEWINC MACHINES 



*' ' Signal Victory.' All eomen Beaten ! At the recent Grsad Compe- 
tition held at the Yorkshire Exhibition, these U&ohinesOAiMBD ths only 
MBDAL." The7 ore superior to all others for Dressmaki^vo and Family Use. 
Intendinar parohawr*, if un«bl« to obtain tbem from IomI DoaJorii m« w w» mfa Hy 
raqoaiUdtoMnd for a Pro«p«oto« to_97. Choipalde, Loodoo, £.&; QtMt OrlAeUi^tt 
th« New MidUnd CoanttM Depot, 50, mgli strMt, Binnfaghsm. 



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i 



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