The lady's New-years gift, or, Advice to a daughter : under these following heads, viz. religion, husband, house and family, servants, behaviour and conversation, friendship, censure, vanity and affectation, pride, diversion, dancing

■M

\ JOSEPH DEGEN (
I SWADLINCOTE \

C^eey* ^ • ]

%?!

1/

y^. ^ Uf

■\

ai n '

a \^ * '

?v:.:-^';

THE

Lady's New-years Gift :

o R,

ADVICE

T Q

A

DAUGHTER.

Under thde following Heads ; Vi^,

Religion^
Husband^
Houfe and Fa-
mily. >
Servants^
Bthaviour and
Converfationy

'^FriendJhipSy

Cenfurdy

Vanity ^nd.
<AffeUationy

Pride.

DiverJionSy

Dancing..

The third Edition Correlied by the Original*

London, Printed for Matt, Gillyftower
in Weftminfier-Hall^ and Jamui
VartrUge Sit Char mg-Crofs: i688.-

■i4 C ff^rJ

f ^.

LICENSED.

>-|- SlokM#.

ADVERTISEMENT.

THis Bvok being fent to a Scri've^
ner to he Coped eut, the Sen-
*vener furreftitioufly took another Co-

it to a Terjon that knew not what
to do with it, and ignorant of its
worth, he fold it us : We getting a
Licence for it, as a Book of an un-
known Author f p0t it to the Trefs ;
hut finding fucb a multitude of
Faults in it^ as hath made us ajhamed
and troubled that fo excellent a Tiece
(according to the Uniyerfal Judg-
ment) jhould be fo mangltd-mndabH^
fed, we have made all the hafie^'^^J^
. could to get the Original Manufcrlbt
it felf which the [aid Per [on had^
and Printed this fiew Edition. The
"Reader fliall know this right Copy
from the ether by the Engraved Fi-
gure before the Title.

Matthew Gillyflow^.

James Partridge.

THE

Lady's New- Years Gifc :
O R,

ADVICE

T O A

DAUGHTER-

IJSjTRODVCTION.

Dear Daughter^

IFind, that even our moft
pleafing Thoughts will
be unquiet 5 they will be in
B motion k

2 Advice to a Daughter.

motion 5 and the Mind can
have no reft whilft it is pof-
fefsd by a darling Paflion.
Ton are at prefent the chief
Objed of my Care , as well
as of my Kindmfs ^ which
fometimes throweth me in-
to Vifions of your being
happy in the World, that are
better fuited to my partial
Wipes , than to my reafona-
ble Hopes for you. At other
times, when my Fears prevail,
I fhrink as if I were ftruck at
the profpedUof Danger^ to
which a young Woman muft
be expos'd. By how much
the more Lively , fo much
the more Liable you are to
be hurt , as the fineft Plants
are fooneft nipped by the
Frofi. Whilft you are play-
ing

INTRODVCTION. 3

ing fall of Innocence, the
fpiteful World will bite, ex-
cept you are guarded by
your Caution. Want of Care
therefore, my dear Child, is
never to be excused 5 fince, as
to this World , it hath the
fame efFeft as want of Ver-
tue. Such an early fprouting
Wit requireth to be fo much
the more fheltred by fome
Jbiles^ like fomething ftrew'd
on tender Flowers to pre-
ftrve them from being bla-
ftcd. You muft take it well
to be prund by fo kind a
Hand as that of a Father.
There may be fome bitter-
nefs in meer Obedience ; The
natural Love of Liberty may
help to make the Commands
of a Parent harder to go
B 2 down.

4 Advice to a Daughter.

down. . Some inward refi-
ftance there will be, where
Power and not Choke ma-
keth us move 5 but when a
Father layeth afide his Au-
thority, and perfuadetli only
by his Kindnefs, you will
never anfwer it to Good Na-
ture, if it hath not weight
with you.

A great part of what is
faid in the following Dif-
courfe may be above the
prefent growth of your Un-
derftanding 5 but that becom-
ing every day taller, will in a
little time reach up to it, fo
as to make it eafie to you.
I am wiUing to begin with
you before your Mind is
quite form'd, that being the
time in which it is moft ca-
pable

ItTTRODVCTlON. 5

pable of receiving a Colour
that will laft when it is mix'd
wiih it. Few things are well
learnt, but by early Precepts :
Thofe well infus'd, make
them NatHrd 5 and we are
never fure of retaining what
is valuable, till by a continu-
al Habit we have made it a
Piece of us.

Whether my Skill can draw
the Pidure of a fine Wo-
man, may be a Queftion ^
but it can be none. That!
have drawn that of a kind
Father : If you will take an
exaft Copy, I will fo far pre-
fume upon my Workman(hip,
as to undertake you fhall not
make an ill Figpire^ Give
me fo much Credit as to try,
nd I am fure that neither
B 3 your

6 Advice to a Daughter.

your Wiflies nor mine fliall
be difappointed.

RELIGION.

THe firft thing to be
confidered, is Religion :
It mufc be the chief Objed
cf your Thoughts , fince it
would be a vain thing to
direft your Behaviour in the
World, and forget that which
you are to have towards him
who made it. In a ftrid
fenfe, it is the only thing
neceflary : you muft take it
into your Mind^ ,and thence
throw it' into your Heart ,
where you are to embrace it

fo

RELIGIOK 7

fo clofe, as never to lofe the
Pojejjion of it. ' But then it
is neceflary to diftingnifh be-
tween the Reality and the
Pretence. Religion doth not
confift in believing the L#^
gend o? the Nitrfery^ •where
Children with their Milk^ are
fed with the Tales of Witch-
es, Hobgoblins, Prophecies,
and Miracles. We fiick in
fo greedily thefe early Mi^
flakes^ that our riper llnder-
ftanding hath much ado to
cleanfe oar Minds ft'om this
kind of Traljo : The Stories
are i^o entertaining, that we
do not only believe them ,
but relate them 5 which makes
the difcovery of the Trnth
fomewhat grievous, when it
makes us lofe fuch a Field
B 4 of

8 Advice to a Daughter.

of Impertinence , where we
might have diverted our
felves , befides the fhame
thrown upon us for having
ever receiv'd them. This is
making the World a Jeaji^ and
imputing to God AfBiighty,
That the Province he anign-
eth to the Devil, is to play at
Blind-mans-bufF, and (hevv
Tricks with Mankind ^ and
is fo far from being Religio?/^
that it is not Se/ife ^ and hath
right only to be caird that
kind of Devotion, of which.
Ignorance is the undoubted
Mother , without competi-
tion or difpute. Thefe Mi-
ftakes are therefore to be
ieft off with your Hanging-
lleeves , and you ought to
be as much out of counte-
nance

RELIGION. 9

nance to be found witji them
about you, as to be feen
playing with Babies, at an Age
when other things are expe-
ded from you.

The next thing to be ob-
ferv'd to you, is , That Re-
ligion doth as little confift in
loud Anfwers and devout
Convulfions at Church , or
Praying in an extraordinary
manner. Some Ladies are fb
extreme ftirring at Churchy
one would fwear the Wor/^
in their Confcience made them
fo unquiet. Others will have
fuch a Divided Face be-
tween a DevoHt Goggle and
an Inviting Glance , that the
unnatural Mixture maketh
even their heji Looker to be
at that time ridiculous. Thefe
B 5 af^

lO Advice t& a Daughter.
afFefted, Appearances are ever
fufpefted , like very ftrong
Perfumes, v^hich are general-
ly thought no very good
Symptoms in thofe that make
ufe of them. Let your ear-
neftnefs therefore be referv'd
for your Clofet , where you
may have God Almighty to
your felf : In Puhlkk^ be ftill
and calm, neither indecently
Carelejs"^ or Affe^ed in the o-
ther Extream.

It is not true Devotion,
to put on an angry Zeal
againft thofe who may be of
a di'Jering Perfuafion. Par--
/i^//Yj/ to our felves^ makes us
often miftake it for a Dntj^
to fall hard upon others
in that cafe ^ and being
pulh^d on with Self-cotteeit ^

we

RELIGION. II

we ftrike without mercy, be*
lieving that the Womds we
give are Meritorious^ and that
we are fighting God Al-
mighty's Quarrels when the
truth is, we are only fecting
out our felves. Our Devoti-.
ail too often breaketh out
into that vShape which moft
agreeth with our particular
Temper. The Cholcrick^gvow
into a hardned Severity a-
gainft all who dident from
them, fnatch at all the Texts
of Scripture that fait wich
their Complexion 5 and becaufe
God's Wrath was fome time
kindled, they conclude, That
Anger is a Divine Vertue 5
and are fo far from imagin-
ing that their ill-natured Zeal
requireth an Apology^ that

they

12 Advice to a Daughter.
they value themfelves upon it,
8c triumph in it. Others^ whofe
Nature is more Credulous than
ordinary, admit no Bounds or
Meafiires to it 5 they grow as
proud of extending their
Fazth^ as Princes are of en-
larging their Dominions ^ not
confidering, that our Faith^
like our Stomach, is capable
of being over-charg'd ^ and
that as the Laft is deftroyM
by taking in more than it
can digeft, fo our Reajbn may
be extinguifh'd by oppreffing
it with the weight of too
many ftrange things 5 efpe-
cially if we are forbidden to
chew what we are command-
ed to fwallow. The Melan-
choly and the SuUen are apt
to place a great part of their

Religion

RELIGION. 13

Religion in Dejefted and HI-
humour'd Looks , putting on
an unfociable Face , and de-
claiming againft the Innocent
Entertainments of Life^ with
as much (harpneis as they
could beftow upon the great-
eft Crimes, This generally is
only a Vizard^ there is fel-
dom any thing real in it. No
other thing is the better
for being Sorvre 5 and it
would be hard that Religion
ftiould be fo , which is the
beft of things. In the
mean time it may be faid
with truth , That this furly
kind of Devotion hath per-
haps done little lefs hurt in
• the World, by frighting, than
the moft fcandalous Examples
have done by infefting it.

Having

1 4 Advke U a Daughter.

Having told you, in theft
few Inftances, to which ma-
ny more might have been
added, what is not true Re-
Ijgion 5. it is time to defcribe
to you^ what is (b. The or-
dinary Definitions are no
more like it, than the com-
mon Sign-pofts are like the
Princes they would reprefent 5
the unskilful Dciwhers in all A-
ges have generally laid on
filch ill ColoHrs^2ind drawn fijch
harfh Lines^ that the Beauty
of it is not eafily to be dif-
cover'd : They have put in
all the forbidding Features
that can be thought of 5 and
in the firft place^ have made
it an irreconcileable Enemy ,
to Nature^ when, in reality,
they are not? only Friends^

but

RELIGION. 15

but Tvpins^ born together at
the fame time 5 and it is do-
ing violence to them both,
to go about to have them
feparated. Nothing is (q
kind and fo inviting as true
and unfofhijiicated Religion :
In ftead of impofing unne-
eeflary Burdens upon our
Nature^ it eafeth us of the
greater weight of our Pajfi-
ens and Mijiakes : In ftead
of fubduing us with Rigour^
it rcdeemeth us from the SU-
very we are in too our felves,
who are the moft fevere Ma-
fters, whilft we are under
the Ufurpation of our Ap^
petites let loofe and unre-
ftraind.

Religion is a chearful thing,
£b far from being always at

1 6 Advice to a Daughter.
Cuffs with Good Humour^ that
it is infeparably united to
it. Nothing unpleafant be-
longs to it, though the Spirr-
tual Cooks have done their un-
skilful part to give an ill Relijh
to it. A wife Epicure would
be Religious for the fake of
Pleafure : Good Senfe is the
Foundation of both 5 and he
is a Bungler who aimeth at
true Luxury^ but where they
are joynd.

Religion is exalted Reafon^
refin d and fifted from the
grofler parts of it : It dwel-
leth in the upper Region of
the Mind^ where there are
no Clouds or Mijls to dar-
ken or offend it : It is both
the Foundation and the
Cro5A?^n of all Vertues : it is

Morality

RELIGION. 17

Morality improv d and rais'd
to its height, by being car-
ried nearer Heaven , the
only place where Per-
feftion refideth. It cleanfeth
the XJnderflanding^ and brufh-
eth off the Earth that hang-
eth about our Souls, It doth
not want the Hopes and the
Terrors which are made ufe
of to fupport it 5 neither
ought it to defcend to the
borrowing any Argument
out of it felf, fince there we
may find every thing that
fhould invite us. If we were
to be hired to Religion , it
is able to out-bid the cor-
rupted World , with all it
can offer to us, being fo much
the Richer of the too in every
thing where Reafon is admit-
ted

1 8 Advice to a Daughter.

ted to be Judge of the Value.
Since this is To , it is worth
your pains to make Religion
your choice, and not make ufe
of it only as a Refuge.

There are Ladies, who
finding by the too vifible
decay of their good Looks,
that they can fhine no more
by that Lights put on the Var-
njjk of an afFefted Devotion,
to keep up fome kind of Fi-
gure in the World 5 they take
Sanftuary in the C/^/zr^/', where
they are putfued by growing
Contempt , wnich will not be
ftopr, but followeth thjem to
the Altm^ : fuch late penitence
is only a difguife for the tor-
menting grief of being no
more handfom. That is the
killing thought which draw-

eth

RELIGION. If

eth the fighs and tears, that ap-
pear outwardly to be applied
to a better end.

There are many who have
an^ Agnifl) Devotion^ Hot and
Cold Fits, long Intermiffions,
and violent Raptures \ this
nnevennefs is by all means to
be avoided : let your method
be a fteady courfe of good
Life 5 that may run like a
fmooth Stream, and be a per-
petual Spring to furnifti to
the continued Exercife of
Vertue. Your Devotion may
be earneft, but it muft be
unconftrained 5 and like other
Duties, you muft make it
your Pleafiire too , or elfe it
will have but very Uttle efB-
cacy. By this Rule you may
beft judge of your own

Heart 3

20 Advice to a Daughter,

Heart. Whilft thefe Duties
are Joys^ it is an Evidence of
their being fincere ^ but when
they are a Penance , it is a
fign that your Nature ma-
keth fome refiftance 5 and
whilft that lafteTE , you can
never be entirely fecure of
your felf.

If you are often unquiet,
and too nearly touch'd by
the crofs Accidents of Life^
your Devotion is not of the
right Standard^ there is too
much Alky in it. That which
is right and unmixt , taketh
away the 5^i/?g of every thing
that would trouble you ; It
is like a healing Bdm , that
extingufheth the ftiarpnefs of
the Blood 5 fo this foftneth
and dilTolveth the Angmjh of

the

RELIGION. 21

the Mmd. A devout Mind
hath this Privilege , of being
free from Pajjion^ as fome
CHmates are from all manner
of venomous kind of Crea-
tures ^ it will raife you above
the little Vexations to which
others for want of it, will be
exposed, and will bring you
to a Temper , not of ftupid
Indifference^ but of fuch a
w'lk Reffgnation^ that you may
live in the Worlds fo as it
may hang about you like a
loofe Garment, and not tied
too clofe to you.

Take heed of running into
that common Error ^ of apply-
ing God's Judgments upon
particular Occafions. Our
Weights and Meafures are not
competent to make the Di-
ftribution

2 2 Advice to a Dmghter.

ftribution either of his Mercy
or his Juftice : He hath thrown
a Veil over thefe things, which
makes it not only an Imperti-
nence , but a kind of S^cri*
lege^ for us to give Sentence
in them without his Commif"
fion.

As to your particular jF^/Y/6,
keep to the Religion that is
grown up with you, both as
it is the beft in it felf , and
that the reafon of ftaying in
it upon that Ground is fome-
what ftronger for your &x,
than it will perhaps be allow'd
to be for ours 5 in refped
that the Voluminous Enqui-
ries into the Truths by Read-
ing,^ are lefs expedited from
you. The Be/? of Books will
be diredtion enough to you

not

RELIGION. 23

not to change 5 and whilft
you are fix d and fufficiently
confirm'd in your own Mind^
you 1 do beft to keep vain
Doubts and Scruples at fuch a
diftance, that they may give
you no difquiet. Let me re-
commend to you a Method
of being rightly informed,
which can never fail : it is in
fliort this : Get Underjland-
ing^ and praftife Vertue 5 and
if you are fo BleJJedas to have
thefe for your Share , it is
not furer that there is a God^
than it is, that by him all
Necejjary Truths will be re-
vealed to you.

HUSBAND.

24 Advice to a Daughter .

HVSBAND.

THAT which challen-
geth the next place in
your Thoughts, is. How to
live with a Husband : And
though that is fo large a Word,
that few Rules can be fix*d to
it which are unchangeable ,
the Methods being as various
as the {kyQY2^.Tempers of Men
to which they muft be fuited 5
yet I cannot omit fome Gene-
ral Obfervations^ which, with
the help of your own, may
the better direft you in the
part of your Life upon
which your Happinefs moft
dependeth.

It

HVSBAND. 25
It is one of the Difadvan-
tages belonging to your Sex^
that young Women are fel-
dom permitted to make
their own Choice 5 their
Friends Care and Experi-
ence are thought fafer Guides
to them^ than their own Fan^
cks 5 and their Modefly often
forbiddeth them to refufe
when their Parents recom-
mend, though their inward
Confe?2t may not entirely go
along with it : In this cafe
there rcmaineth nothing for
them to do, but to endea-
vour to make that eafie
which falleth to their Lot^
and by a wife ufe of every
thing they may diilike in a
Husband , turn that by de-
grees to be very fupportablc,
C which

2 6 Advice to a Daughter,

which, ifnegLefted, might in
time beget an Averfion.

You muft firft lay it down
for a Foundation in general,
That there is Inequality in the
Sexes^ and that for the bet-
ter Oeconomy of the World,
the Men^ who were to be
the Law-givers, had the lar-
ger (hare of Reafon beftow'd
upon them 5 by which means
your Sex is the better pre-
pared for the CorrJ^liance that is
neceflary for the better perfor-
mance of thofe Duties which
feemd to be moft properly
affignM to it. This looks a
little uncourtly at the firft
appearance ^ but upon exa-
mination it will be ic%\\\di ,
that Ni?////'c is fo far from be-
ing unjuft to you, that lh.e

is

HVSBAND. 27

is partial on your fide : She
hath made you fuch large
Amends by other Advantages,
for the iecming hijuftke of
the firft Diftribution , that
the Right of Complaining is
come over to our Sex 5 you
have it in your pov^er not
only to free your felves,, but
to fubdue your Mailers, and
without violence throw both
their Natural and Legal Autho-
rity at your Feet. We are
made of differing Tempers^
that our Defers might be
mutually fupplied : Your Sex
wanteth our Reafon for your
Conduct^ and our Strength for
your ProteSion : Ours vvant-
cthyour Gentlenefs tofoften,
and to entertain us. The
firft part of our Life is a good
C 2 deal

2 8 Advice to a Daughter.

deal of it fubjefted to you
in the Nurfery ^ where you
Reign without Competition,
and by that means have the
advantage of giving the firft
Imprejjions 5 afterwards you
have ftronger Influences ,
which, well manag'd , have
more force in your behalf,
than all our Priviledges and
jHrifdi^Jons can pretend to
have againft you. You have
more ftrength in your Looks ,
than we have in our Laws 3
and more .power by your
Tears , than we have by our
Arguments,

It is true, that the Laws
of Marriage^ run in a harfher
ftile towards your Sex. Obey
is an ungentle word, and lefs
eafie to be digefted , by ma-
king

HVSBAND. 29

king fuch an unkind diftinfti-
on in the Words of Contraft,
and fo very unfuitable to
the excefs of Good Manners^
that generally goes. before' it 5
befides , the univerfality of
the Rule feemeth to be a
Grievance , and it appeareth
reafonable, that there might
be an Exemption for extraor-
dinary Women, from ordina-
ry Rules, to take away the
juft Exception that liath a-
gainft the falfe meafure of
general Equality : it may be
a Hedged by the Council re-
tained by your Sex, as there
is in all other Laws, an Appeal
from the Letter to Equity in
Cafes that require it. It is as
reafonable, that fome Court
of a larger Jurifdi&ion mi^ht
C 3 "be

50 Advice to a. Daughter.

be erefted, where fome Wives
might refort and plead, efpe-
cUlly^ and in fuch Inftances,
where Nature is fo kind, as
to raife them above the level
of their own Sex, that they
might have Reliefi and ob-
tain a Mhigdtion in their
own particular, of a Sentence
which was given generally
againft Woman-ki^d.

The caufes of Separation
are now fo very courfe, that
few are confident enough to
buy their Liberty at the price
of having theij Modefty fo
Crxpofed, and for difparity of
Mifids^ which above all o-
ther things requireth a Re-
t}iedy^ the haws have made
no provijion--^ fo little refin'd
are numbers of Men , by

whom

HVSBAND. 51

whom they are compird*
This, and a great deal more
might be Paid to give a co-
lour to this Complaint ^ but
the Anfwer is, in fhort, That
the InjiitHtion of Marriage is
too facred to admit of a Li-
herty of Objeliien to it 5 that
the Suppofition of your be-
ing the weaker Sex, having
without all doubt a good
Foundation, maketh it rea-
fonable to fubjeft it to the
Mafculine Dominion ^ that no
Rule can be fo perfel^^ as not
to admit fome Exceptions 5
but the Law prefumeth there
v/ould be fo few found in
this Cafe^ who ^ould have
a.fufficient Right to fuch a
Privilege, that it is fafer fome
Injnflice fnould be conmvd
C 4 at

52 Advice to a Daughter.

at in a very few Inftances ■>
than to break into an Efta-
bliftiment , upon which the
Order of Humane Society
doth fb much depend. You
are therefore to make the beft
of what is fet led by Law and
Cuftom, and not vainly ima-
gine, that it will be cha?Tged
for your fake. But that you
may not be difcouragcd, as if
you lay under the weight of
an incurable Grievance^ you are
to know, that by a wife and
dexterous Conduft, it will be
in your power to relieve
your felf from any thing that
looketh like a difadvantage
in it. For your better dire-
ftion, I will give a hint of
the moft ordinary Caufes of
Dijfatisfa&ion between Man,

and

HVSBAND. 3?

and Wife, that you may be a-
ble by fuch a Warning to live fo
upon your Guards that when
you {hall be married, you may
know how to cure your Hus-
band's M/Jlakesj and to prevent
your own.

Firft then, you are to con-
fider, you live in a time
which hath rendred fome
kind of Frailties fo habitual,
that they lay claim to large
Grains of AUovpance. The
World in this is fomewhat
unequal, and our Sex feem-
eth to play the Tyrant^ in di-
ftinguifhing partiality for our
{elves, by m_aking that in
the utmoft degree Criminal
in the Woma^n , which in a:
Man pa{reth under a much
gmtkr Cenfnre, The R.oot.
C 5 and

o i^. Adbice^ to a Daughter.

and Excufe of this Injuftice
is the Prefervatio^ of Families
from any Mixture that may
bring a Blemifti to them :
Andwhilft the Poij/t of Ha^
7ioHr continues to be fo plac d^
itfeems unavoidable to give.
your Stx the greater fhare of
the Penalty. But if in this
it lieth under any Difadvan-
Uge^ you are more than re-
compensed, by having the
Honour of Families in your
keeping. The Confideration
fo great a Truft mull; give
you , maketh full amends y
.and this Power the World
hath lodgM in you, can hard-
ly fail to reftrain the Seve-
iky of an ill Husband, and
to improve the Rindnefs and
Eftee^mof a gooclon^. This.

being;

HVSBAND 35

being fo, remember. That
next to the danger of com^
mittirrg the Fault your felf,
the greateft is that of feei^fg it
in your Husband, Do not
feem to look or hear that
way : If he is a Man of
Senfe, he will reclaim him-
felf 5 the Folly of it, is of
it felf fufficient to cure him:
If he is not fo, he will be
provok'd, but not reformed.
To expoftulate in thcfe Cafes,
looketh like declaring War,
and preparing for Reprifals 3
which to a thinking Husband
would be a dangerous Re-
flexion. Befides, it is fo courfe
a Reafon which will be af-
fignd for a Lady's too great
Warmth upon fuch an occa-
fioa, thatModefty nolefsthan

Prui.

a 5 Advice to a Daughter.

Prudence ought to reftrain
her 5 fince fuch an undecent
Complaint makes a Wife much
more ridiculous, than the In-
jury that provoketh her to
it. But it is yet worfe , and
more unskilful, to blaze it
in the World, expeding it
ftiould rife up in Arms to take
her part : Whereas fhe will
find , it can have no other
EfFeft, than that fhe will be
ferved up in all Companies ,
as the reigning Jeaji at that
time J and will continue to
be the common Entertain-
ment , till (he is refcu'd by
fome newer Folly that cometh
upon the Stage, and driveth
her away from it. The Im-
pertinence of {uch Methods
is fo plain , that it doth not

defervc

HVSBAND. 37

dcferve the Pains of being
laid open. Be affur'd , that
in thele Cafes your Difcretion
2n6. Silence will be the moft
■prevailing Reproef 5 and an
affe&ed Ignorance^ which is fel-
dom a Vertue^ is a great one
here : And when your Huf-
band feedi how unwiUing
you are to be uneafie , there
is no ftronger Argument to
perfvvade him not to be un juft
to you. Befides , it will na-
turally make him more yield-
ing in other things : And whe-
ther it be to cover or redeem
his Ojfence^ you may have the
good EfFeflh of it whilft it
lafteth, and all that while
have the moft reafonable
Ground that can be, of prefu-
niing, fuch a Behaviour at

laft

38 Advke t^ a Daughter.

laft will intirely convert him.
There is nothing fo glorious to
a Wife^ as a Vidory fo gain d :
A Man lb reclaim'd, is for e-
ver after fubjefted to her Ver-
tne'^ and her bearing for a
time, is more than rewarded
by a Triumph that will con-
ti^nue as long as her Life.

The next thing I will fup-
pofe, is. That your Husbaad
may love Wim more than is
convenient. It will be grant-
ed. That though there are
Vices of a deeper dye, there
are none that have greater
Deformity than this, when
it is not reftrain'd : But with
all this, the fame Cuftom
which is the more to be la-
mented for its being fo gene-
ral, fhould make it lefs un-

eafie

HUSBAND. 39

eafie to every one in particu-
lar who is to fuffer by the
EfFefts of it : So that in the
firft place, it will be no new
thing if you {houkl have a
Drtmkard for your Husband ^
and there is by too frequent
Examples evidence enough,
that fuch a thing may happen,
and yet a Wife may live too
without being miferable.
Self-love diftateth aggravating
words to every thing we
feel 3 Ruine and Mjfiry are
the Terms v/e apply to
whatever w^e do not like,
forgetting the Mixture allo-t-
ted to us by the Condition of
Humane Life, by which it is
Hot intended we ftiould be
quite exempt from trouble.
It is fair, if we can efcape

fuch

40 Advke to a Daughter,

fuch a Degree of it as would
opprefs us, and enjoy fb much
of the pleafant part as may
lefJen the ill tafte of fuch
things as are unwelcome to
us. Every thing hath two
Sides, and for our own ea(e
we ought to direft our
Thoughts to that which muft
be leaft liable to exception^
To fall upon the vporji fide
of a Drunkard , giveth fo
unpleaftnt a Profpedi: , that
it is not poffible to 'dwell
upon it. Let us pals then
to the more favourable part^
as far as a Wife is concern d in
it. I am tempted to fay (if
the Irregularity of the Ex-
preffion could in ftriftnefi be
juftified) That a Wife is to
thank God her Husband hath.

Faults,

HVSBAND. 41

Faults. Mark the feeming Pa-
radox , my Dear , for your
own Inftruftion, it being in-
tended no further. A Huf-
band without Faults is a dan-
gerous Obferver 5 he hath an
Eye fo piercing, and feeth eve-
ry thing fo plain, that it is ex-
posed to his full Cenfure 5 and
though I will not doubt but
that your Vertue will difap-
point the fharpeft Enquiries 5
yet few Women can bear the
having all they fay or do re-
frefented in the clear Glafs of
an Underftanding without
Faults. Nothing foftneth the
Arrogance of our Nature^ like
a Mixture of fome Frai'Mes 5
it is by them we are beft told,
that we muft not ftrike too
hard upon others, becailfe we

our

42 Advice to a Daughter,

onr fclves do fo often de-
ferve Blows : They pull our
Rage by the Sleeve, and
whil^er Gentlenefs to us in
our Cenfures , even when
they are rightly applied. The
Fmlts and Pajfions of Huf-
hands bring them down to
3|E>u, a'nd make them con-
tent to live upon left une-
qual Terms, than Faultlefs
Men would be willing to
ftoop to ^ fp haughty is Man-
kind till huffibled by com-
mon Weaknefies and Defefts,
which in our corrupted State
contribute more towards the
reconciling us to one ano-
ther, than all the Precepts
of the Ph/lofophers and Z)i-
Tjwes'^ fo that where the
Errors of our Nature make

amends

HUSBAND. 43
amends for the Difxdvantages
of yours, it is more your part
to make ufe of the Benefits^
than to quarrel at the Fault.

Thus in cafe a drunh^n
Hpishoijd fhould fall to your
fhare, if you will be wife
and patient^ his Wine ftiall
be of your fide 5 it will
throw a Veil over your Mi-
ftakes, it will fet out and im-
prove every thing you do,
that he is pleafed with. O-
thers will like him lefs, and
by that means he may per-
haps like you the more ,.
when after having dined too
well, he is received at home
without a Storm^ or fo much
as a reproachful Look,^ the
Wine will naturally work
out all in Kindnefi , whick

a. Wife

44 Advice to a Daughter.
a Wife miift encourage, let
it be wrapped up in never
fo much Impertinence : On
the other fide, it would boil
up into Rage^ if the miftaken
Wife ftiould treat him rough-
ly, like a certain thing called
a ki?^d Shrew^ than which the
World, with all its Plenty,
cannot (hew a more Sencelefs,
Ill-bred , forbidding Crea-
ture. Confider, that where
the Man will give fuch fre-
quent Intermiffions of the
u(e of his Reafon , the Wife
infenfibly getteth a Right of
Governing in the Vacancy,
and that raifeth her Chara&er
and Credit in the Family, to
a higher pitch than perhaps
could be done under a fo-
ber Husband^ who never put-

teth

HVSBAND. 45

teth himfelf into an Incapa-
city of holding the Reins. If
tliefe are not Intire Confolati-
ons^ at leaft they are Reme-
dies to' fome Degree : They
cannot make Drunkenmfs a
Fertile , nor a Husband gi-
ven to it a Felicity , but you
will do your felf no ill of-
fice in the endeavouring, by
thefenieans, to make the beft
of fuch a Lot^ in cafe it fliould
happen to be yours, and by
the help of a wife Obfervati-
on, to make that very fuppor-
table, which would otherwife
be aLWthat would opprefs
you.

The next Ca(e I will put

is. That your Husband may

be Choleriek^ or lU-humourd,

To this it may be faid, „That

pajfwnate

46 Advice to a Daughter,

fajfiomite Men generally make-
amends at the Foot of the
Account : fach a Man, if he
is angry one day without
any Senfe^ will the next day
be as kind without any Rea-
fon 5 fo that by marking how
the Wheels of fuch a Mans
Head ufe to move, you may
eafily bring over all his Paf-
Jionf to your Party ^ in ftead
of being ftruck down by
his Thunder, you (hall direft
it where and upon whom
you {hall think it beft ap-
pUed. Thus are the flrdngejl
Poifons turn d to the beji lie-
medies'^ but then there muft
be Art in it, and a skilful
Hand^ elfe the leaft hungUng
maketh it mortal. There is
a great deal of nice Care re-
quired

HVSBAND. 47

quired to deal with a Man

of this Complexion 5 Choler

proceedeth from Pnde^ and

maketh a Man fo partial to

himfelf, that he fwelleth a-

gainft Contradiction , and

thinkethhe is lelTened if he

is oppofed 3 you muft in this

Cafe take heed of mcrei^g

the Storm by an unvpary Word^

or kindling the Fire whilft

the Wind is in a Corner

which may blow it in your

Face : You are dextroufly

to yield every thing till he

beginneth to cool, and then

by How degrees you may

rife and gain upon him :

Your Gentknefs well timed,

will , like a Charm , difpel

his Anger ill placed 3 a k^nd

Smk will reclaim^ when a

finUl

48 Advice to a Daughter.

Jlmll pettijh Anfwer would
provoke ^ him 5 rather than fail
upon fuch occafions, when
other Remedies are too weak,
a little Flattery may be admit-
ted, which by being necelTary,
will ceafe to be Criminal : If
Ill-Humour and Sullennefs^ and
nogSDpen and fudden Heat is
his Difeafe , there is a way of
treating that too, fo as to
make it a Grievance to be
endured : In order to it, you
are firft to know, that natu-
rally good Sence hath a mix-
ture of jurly in't 5 and there
being fo much folly in the
World, and for the moft part
fo triumphant, it giveth fre-
quent Temptations to raife
the Spleen of Men who
think right 3 therefore that

which

HVSBAND. 49

which may generally be
caird III Humour^ is not al-
ways a Fault; it becometh
one, when either it is wrong
applyed, or that it is con-
tinued too long, when it is
not fo : For this Reafon ,
you muft net too haftily fix
an ill name upon that which
may perhaps not deferve it 3
and though the Cafe fhould
be, that your Husba/id might
too fowrly refent any thing
he diiliketh, it may fo hap-
pen, that more Blame may
belong to your Mijinke^ than
toYiis ill Humour, If a Hnf-
hand bebavedi himfelf fome-
times with an Indifference
that a Wife m.ay tliink ofFen-
five, (he is in the wrong to
put the worii fcfife upon it.

50 Advke io a Daughter.

if by any means it will ad-
mit a better. Some Wives will
call it his Hur/wur^ if their
Husbands change their Style
from that which they ufed
whilft they made their firft
Addrefles to them : Others
will allow no intermijjion or
abatement in the Expreflions
of Rindnefs to them, not e-
nough diftinguifhing Times,
and forgetting that it is im-
poffible for Men to keep
themfelves up all their Lives
to the height of fome extra-
vagant Moments, s A Man may
at fome times be lefs careful
m little things, without any
cold or difobliging Reafons
for it 5 as a Wife may be too
expecting in fmaller matters,
without drawing upon her-

felf

HVSBAND. 51

felf the Inference of being
unkind : And if your Huf-
band^GX\\A be really fnllen^
and have fiich frequent Fits,
as might take away the Ex-
cufe of it, it concerneth you
to have an Eye prepared to
difcern the firft Appearances
of Cloudy Weather, and to
watch when jthe Fit goeth
off, whrch'Ieldom lafteth long
if it is let alone 5 but whilft
the Mind is fore, every thing
galleth it, and that maketh it
necelTary to let the Blacky
Httmour begin to fpend it
felf, before you begin to
come in and venture to un-
dertake it.

If in the Lottery of the

World you fhould draw a

Covetous liiishand^ I confcG it

D a will

52 Advke to a Daughter.
will nor make you proud
of your good Luck'-) yet even
fuch a one may be endured
too, though there are few
Paffions more untraftable
than that of Avarice. You
niuft firft take care that your
definition of Avarice may not
be a Miftake 5 you are to
examine every Circumftance
of your Husband's Fortune,
and weigh the Reafbn of
every thing you expedt from
him before you have right to
pronounce that Sentence :
The Complaint is now fo ge-
nerally againft all Husbands^
that it giveth great fufpicion
of its being often ill-groun-
ded^ it is impbffible they
fhould all deferve that Cen-
furcj and therefore it is cer-

tain?

HVSBAND. 55

tain, that it is many times
mifapplyed : he that Jpareth in
every thing is an imxcajkble
Niggard^ he ih^t Jpareth in no-
thing is as inexcufabk <i Mad-
man--^ the mean \s^ to fpare in
what is leaft neceflary, to lay
out more liberally in what is
moft required in our feveral
citcumftances 5 yet this will
not always fatisfie, there are
Wives who are impatient of
the Rules of Oeconomy, and
are apt to call their H/^sbands
Kindnefs in qneftion, if any
other meafure is put to their
expence than that of their
own Fancy 5 be fure to avoid
this dangerous Errour, fucli
a partiality to your Self,
which is fo ofFenfive to an un-
derftanding Man, that he will
D 5 very

54 Advice to a Da fighter,

very ill bear a Wifes giving
her felf fuch an hijmious pre-
fer e^/ce to all the Family^ and
whatever belongeth to it ;
But to admit the worft, and
that your Husband is really a
Clofe-handed Wretch^ you muft
in this, as in ether Cafes, en-
deavour to make it lefs afflift-
ing to you 3 and firft you
muft obfcrve feafonable hours
of fpeaking.

When you offer any thing
in oppofition to this reigning
Humour, a third hand and a
wife Friend;^ may often pre-
vail more than you will be
allowed to do in your own
Caufe:Sometimes you are dex-
troufly to go along with him
in things, where you fee that
the niggardly part of his Mind

is

HVSBAND. 55

is moft predominant^by which
you will have the better op-
portunity of perfwading him
in things where he may be
more indifferent : Our PaJJi-
ons are very unequal, and are
apt to be raifed or lefiened,
according as they work upon
different Objefts, they are
not to be flopped or reflrained
in thofe things where our
Mind is more particularly en-
gaged : In other matters they
are more traftable, and will
(bmetimes give Reafon a hear-
ing, and admit a fair Difpute.
More than that, there are few
Men, even in this inftance of
Avarice^ fo intirely abandoned
to it, that at fome hours, and
upon fome occafions, will not
forget their natures, and for
D 4 that

5 6 Advice to a Daughter.

that time turn Prodigal 3 the
fame Man who will grudge
himftlf what is 7teceJJliry^ let
his Vride be raifed and he (hall
be profiife ^ at another time
his Anger fhall have the fame
efFedi: 5 a fit of Vanity^ Ambi-
tion^ and fometimes of" Kind-
nefs^ fhall open and inlarge his
narrom Mind 5 a Dofe of Wine
will work upon this tough
humour ^and for the time dif^
folve it : Your bufinefs mufl:
be, if this Cafe happeneth, to
watch thefe critical moments^
and not let one of them flip
without making your advan-
tage of it 5 and a Wife rnay be
faid to want skill, if by thefe
means fheis not able to fecure
her felf in a good meafure a-
gainftthe Inconveniencies this

fcurvy

HVSEAND 57

(curvy quality in a HHsl?a?/d
might bring upon her, ex-
cept he fhould be fuch an in-
curable Monfter, as I hope
will never fall to your
(hare.

The laft fuppolition I will
make, is. That your Hnsband
(hould be weak^ and incompe^
tent to make ufe of the Privi-
leges that belong to him 3 it
will be yielded, that (uch A
one leaveth room for a great
many Objeftions 3 but God
Almighty feldom fendeth a
Grievance without a Remedy^
^or at leaft fuch a Mitigation as
taketh away a great part of
thefting, and fmart of it. To
make fuch a Misfortune le(s
heavy, you are f r^ to bring
to your Obfervation, That a
D 5 Wife

5§ Advice to a Daughter .

Wife very often maketh the
better Figure, for her Huf-
hands making no great one ,
and there feemeth to be little
reafbn, why the fame Lady
that chufeth a Waiting-Woman
with worfe Looks^ may not be
content with a Husband with
lefs Wit 5 the Argument being
equal from the advantage of
the Comparifon : If you will
be more aftiamed in fome Ga-
les, of fuch a Hushatzd^ you
will be left afraid than you
would perhaps be of a wife
one 5 his TJnfeafonable Wea^-
mfs may no doubt fometimes
grieve you, but then fet ^-
gainft this, that it giveth you
the Dominion^ if you will
make the right ufe of it 5 it is
Rext to his being dead,, in

which

HVSBAND. 59

which Cafe the Wife hath right
to Adminifter ^ therefore be
fure, if you have fuch an Ide-
ot, that none, except your
felf, may have the benefit of
the forfeiture : Such a Fool is
a dangerous Beaft, if others
have the keeping of him 5 and
you muft be very undextrous
if v^hen your Husband (hall
refolve to be an Afs^ you do
not take care he may be j/our
Afs 5 but you muft go skill-
fully about it, and above all
things, take heed of diftin-
guiihing in publick what kind
of Husband he is 5 your in-
ward thoughts muft not hin-
der the outward payment of
the confideration that is dwe
to him 5 yom flighting him in
Company 5 befides that, it

would^

go Advice to a Daughter,

would,to a difcerning By-ftaii-
der,give too great encourage-
ment for the making near-
er application to you, is in
it felf fuch an undecent way
of afliiming, that it may pro-
voke the tame Creature to
break loofe, and to fbew his
Dominion for his Credit,which
he was content to forget for
his Eafe : In ftiort, the fureft
and the moft approved nie-
thod will be to do like a wife
Minijier to an eafie Prince 5
firfc give him the Orders
you afterwards receive from
him 5 with all this, that which
you are to pray for, is a Wife
Hnshand^ one that by know-
ing how to be a Majier^ for
that very reafon will not let
you feel the weight of it ; one

whofe

HVSBAND. 61

whofe Authority isfofoften'd
by his Kindnefs, that it gi-
veth you eafe without abridg-
ing your Liberty 5 one that
will return fo much tender-
nefs for Juji^ Ejieem of him,
that you will never want pow-
fr, though you will feldom
care to ufe it 5 fuch a Huf-
band is as much above all the
other Rinds of them, as a
rtttiojial fitbjedlion to a Prince,
great in himfelf, is to be pre-
ferr'd before the difquiet and
uneafinefs of Unlimited Li-
berty,

Before I leave this Head, I
muft add a little concerning
your Behaviour to your Huf-
bands Friends^ which requi-
reth the moft refined part of
your Underftanding to ac-
quit

62 Advice to a Daughter.

quit your felf well of it 5 you
are to ftudy how to live with
them with more care than you
are to apply to any other part
of your Life 5 eQ)ecially at
firft, that you may not ftum-
ble at the firft fetting out 5 the
Family into which you are
grafted will generally be apt
to expeft, that like a Stran-
ger in a Foreign Country,you
ftiould conform to their Me-
thods, and not bring in a new
Model by your own Authori-
ty 5^ the Friends in fuch a Cafe
are tempted to rife up in
Arms as againft an unlawful
Invafion, fo that ycu are
with the utmoft Caution to
avoid the leaft Appearances of
any thing of this kind 5 and
that you may with lefs diffi-
culty

HVSBA^rND. 63

culty afterwards give your
Direftions, be fure at firft to
receive them from your HuJ^
bands Friends, gain them to
you by early applying to
them, and they will be to fa-
tisfied, that as nothing is
more thankful than Pride,
when it is complyed with^they
will ftrive which of them
fhall moft recommend you 5
and when they have helped
you to take Root ^ in your
jF////i^«d's good Opinion, you
will have lels dependance up-
on theirs, though you muft
not negleft any reafonable
means of preferving it.

You are to confider, that
a Man govern d by his Friends^
is very eafily inflamed by
them 5 and that one who is

not

64 Advice to a Daughter.

not {b, will yet for his own
fake expeft to have them
confider d. It is eafily impro-
ved to a point of honour in a
Husband^ not to have his Re-
lations negleftedj and no-
thing is more dangerous, than
to raife an Objection, which
is grounded upon 'Pride '-^ it is
the moft ftubborn and lafting
Paflion we are fubjeft to, and
when it is the firft caufe of
the War^ it is very hard to
make a fecure Peace ; your
Caution in this is of the laft
importance to you 5 and that
you may the better fucceed in
it, carry a ftrift Eye upon the
Impertinencies of your Ser-
i}ants 5 take heed that their
ill humour may not engage you
to take Exceptions, or their

too

HUSBAND. 65

too much affiiming in fmall
matters, raife Confequences
which may bring yon under
great difadvantage.

Remember that in the cafe
of a Rojal Bride^ thofe about
her are generally fo far fii-
fpedted to bring in a Foreign
Intereft, that in moft Coun-
tries, they are infenfibly redu-
ced to a very fmall number,
and thpfe of fo low a Figure,
that it doth not admit the be-
ing Jealo//s of them. In little,
and in the Proportion, this
may be the Cafe of every New^
Married-Woman^ and there-
fore it may be more advife-
able for you, to gain the Ser-
vants you find in c^ Family,
than to tye your felf too faft
to thofe you carry into it 3 you

are

66 Advke fo a Daughter.

are not to overlook thofe
fmall Refleftions, becaufe they
may appear low and inconfi-
derable 5 for it may be faid,
that as the greateji ftreams are
made up of the fmall drops art
the head of the Springs from
whence they are derived, fb
the greateji circnmflances of
your Life, will be in fome de-
gree direfted by xhtikfeeming
trifles^ which having the ad-
vantage dF being the firft afts
of it, have a greater efFed than
fingly in their own nature
they could pretend to.

I will conclude this Article
with my Advice, that you
would, as much as Nature will
give you leave, endeavour to
forget the great Indulgence
you have found at home,after

fuch

HVSBAND. 67

facli a gentle Difcipline as you
have been under 5 every
thing you diflike will feem the
har(her to you^ the tender-
nefs we had for you, Mji Dear^
is of another nature, peculiar
to kind Parents, and differ-
ing from that you will
meet with at firft in any ^ Fa-
mily into which you fhall be
tranfplanted 5 and yet they
may be very kind too, and
afford no juftifiatR reafon to
you to complain. You muft
not be frighted with the firft
Appearances of a differing
Scene 5 for when you are ufed
to it, you may like the Houfe
you go to, better than that
you left ^ and your Husband's
Rindnefs will have fo much
advantage of ours, that we

ftiall

68 Advice to a Daughter,
(hall yield up all Competition^
and as well as we love you,
be very well contented to
Surrender to fuch a iJ/z;^/.

HOVSE, FAMILY, and
CHILDREN.

YOU muft lay before you,
My Dear% there are de-
grees of Care to recommend
your felf to the World in the
feveral palfe of your Life, in
many things, though the do-
ing of them well, may raife
your Qxdit and EJieem, yet the
omiffion of them would draw
no immediate reproach upon
you 5 in others, where your
duty is more particularly ap-
plyed, the negle^ of them is a-
mongft thofe Faults which are

not

Houfe^ Family^ &c, 69

not forgiven, and will bring
you under a Cenfure ^wKich will
be much a heavier thing than
the trouble you would avoid 3
of this kind is the Government
of your Houfe^ Family and
Children^ which fince it is the
Province allotted to your Sex,
and that the difcharging it
•well^ will for that reafon be
expefted from you, if you ei-
ther defert it out of Lazinefs^
or manage it with want of
skilly inftead of a help you will
be an Incumbrance to the Fa-
mily where you are placed. I
muft tell you, that no refpe^
is lafting, but that which \s
produced by our being in
fome degree ufeful to thofe
that pay it : where that fail-
cth, the Homage and the Re-
verence

70 Advice to a Daughter.

verence go along with it, and
fly to otners where fomething
may be expefted in exchange
for them 5 and upon this prin-
ciple the rcfpedfs even of the
Children and the Servants will
not ftay with one that doth
not think them worth their
Care, and the old Honfe-kecper
ftiall make a better Figure in
the Family, than the Ladj
with all her fine Cloths, if (he
wilfully relinquifli her Title
to the Government ^ therefore
take heed of carrying your
goedBreedingto fuch a height,
as to be good for nothing, and
to be proud of it : fome think
it hath a great Air to be a-
bove troubhng their thoughts
with fuch ordinary things as
their Hoiffe and Familj 5 o-

thers

Houfe^ Family^ d^c. 7 1

thersdare not admit Gre/ for
fear they (hould haften Wrin-
kjes 5 miftaken Pride maketh
fome think they muft keep
themfelves up, and not de-
fcend to thofe Duties , which
do not feem enough refined
for great Ladies to be im-
ploy'd in 5 forgetting all this
while, that it is more than
the greateft Princes can do, at
once to preferve refpeft, and
to negleft their bufinefs , no
Age ever erefted Altars to />-
fgnificant Gods 5 they had all
fome quality applyed to them
to draw worfiip from Man-
kind ^ this maketh it the more
unreafonable for a Ladj to ex-
peft to be confider'd, and at
the fame time refolve not to
deferve it 5 good looks alone

will

72 Advice tQ a Danghter.

will not do, they are not
fuch a lafting Temre^ as to be
relyed upon 5 and if they
ftiould ftay longer than they
ufiially do, it will by no
means be fafe to depend
upon them 5 for when time
hath abated the violence of
the firft liking, and that the
JSIapp is a little worn off,
though ftill a good degree of
kindnefs may remain. Men
recover their fight which be-
fore might be dazell'd, and
allow themfelves to objeft as
well as admire 5 in fuch a
Cafe, when a Husba^nd feeth
an empty airy thing that
fails up and down the Houfe
to no purpofe, and looks as
if (he came thither only to
make a Vifit, when he find-

eth,

eth, that after her Emptinefs
hath been extream bufy about
forae very fenfelefs thing, that
fhe eats her Breakfaft half an
hour before Dinner, to be at
greater liberty to afflid the
Company with her Difcourfe^
then calleth for her Coach,
that (he may trouble her Ac-
quaintance, who are already
cloy'd with her : And having
fome proper Dialogues ready
to difplay her FooUJId Eloquence
at the top of the Stairs, (he
fetteth out like a Ship out of
Harbour, laden with trifles,
and Cometh back with them ,
at her return fhe repeateth
to her faithful Waiting- Wo-
man, the Triumphs of that^
day's Import i^ence^ihen wrap'd
up in Flattery and clean Li-
E nen,

74 Advica to a Daughter.

nen, goeth to Bed fo fatisfied,
that it throweth her into plea-
fant Dreams of her own Fe-
licity 5 fuch a one is fcldom
lerious but with her Taylor 3
her Children znd Family may
now and then have a random
thought, but fhe never taketh
aim but at fomething very
Impertinent.

1 fay when a Hmbattd^ whofe
Province is without Doors,
and to whom the Oeconomy of
the Houfe would be in fome
degree Indecent, findetb no
Order nox^ujet in h\s Family^
merteth with Complaints of all
kinds fpringing from this Root,
the Miftaken Lady^v/ho think-
ethto make amends for all this,
by having a well-chofen Pet-
tjtCoatj will at laft be con-

viH-

Bcufe^ Family^ &c, 75

Tinced of her Err or ^ and with
grief be forced to undergo
the Penalties that belong to
thofe who are wilfully In^
Significant $ when this fcurvy
hour Cometh upon her, (he
firft groweth Angry 5 then
when the time of it is paft,
would perhaps grow wifer,
not remembring that we can
no more have Wifdotn than
Grace, when ever we think
fit to call for it $ there are
Times and Periods fix'd for
both 3 and when they are too
long neglefted, the Punifli-
mect is, that they are Irreco-
verahle^ and nothing remain-
eth but an ufelefsGrie/for the
Folly of having thrown them
out of our Power ^ you are
to think what a mean Figure
E 2 a Wo-

J 6 Advice to a Daughter.

a Woman niaketh, when {he
is (b degraded by Iier own
Faults whereas there is no-
thing in thofe Duties which
are expected from you, that
can be a leflening to you, ex-
cept your want of Co^dh&:
make it fo : You may love
your Children without living
in the Nurferj/^ and you may
have a competent and dijcreet
care of them, without letting
it break out upon the Com-
pany, or expofing your felf
by turning your Di(courfe that
way, which is a kind of L^^-
ing Children to the Parijh^ and
it can hardly be done any
where, that thofe who hear
it will be fo forgiving, as not
to think they are over-
charged with them. A Wo-

mans

Hohfe^ Family^ &c. "jj

mans tendernefs of her Chil-
'dren is one of the leafk de-
ceitful Evidences of her Ver-
•tue '-) but yet the way of ex-
' preffing it, muft be fubjeil to
the Rules oi good Breeding :
And though a Woman of^ia-
lity ought not to be lefs kind
to them, than Mothers of the
mecwejl Rank, are to theirs,
yet (lie may diftinguifh her
felfin ihQ maimer, and avoid
the courfe Methods, which in
r Women of a lower fize
might be more excufable.
You muft begin early to
make them Love you, that
;they may Obey you; Tiiis
Mixture is no vyhere more
neceffary than in Children 5
and I muft tell you, that you
are not to expeft Returns of
E 3 Kind-

78 Advice to a Daughter^

Kindnefs from yours, if ever
you have any, without Grains
of Allowance 5 and yet it is
not fo much a defect in their
good Nature^ as a Jhortrjef of
Thought in them , Their firft
h^fufficJeficy maketh them lean
fo entirely upon their Pa-
rents for what is veccffary^
that the habit of it maketh
them continue the fame Bx-
pe&ations for what is nm-ear
fonahle 5 and as oft as they
are derned^ fo often they
think they are it^jnred ^ and
whilft their Deftres are ftrong,
and their Reajons yet in the
Cradle, their Anger looketh
no farther than the thing
they long for and cannot
have 5 and to be dijpleafed
for their oj^ff good , is a

Maxifff

Houfe^ Family^ &c. jg

Mttxim they are very flow
to underftand 5 to that you
may conclude , the firft
Thoughts of your Children
will have no fmall Mixture
of Mutiny ^ which being lb
natural, you muft not be an-
gry, except you would in-
creafe it ^ you muft deny
them as feldom as you can,
and when there is no avoid-
ing it, you muft do n gefjtly^
you muft flatter away their
ill Humours , and take the
next Opportunity of pleafing
them in fome other things,
before they either ask or
look for it : This will ftreng-
then your Authority^ by ma-
king it foft to them 5 and con-
firm their Obedience^ by ma-
king ft their Intereft.

E 4 ., Yota

8o Advice to a Daughter.

You are to have as ftrift
a Guard upon your felf
amongft your children^ as if
you were amongft your E^e-
mies 5 they are apt to make
wrong Inferences, to take
Encouragement from half
Words, and mifapplying what
you may fay or do, fo as
either to leflen their Duty^ or
to extend their Liberty far-
ther than is convenient : Let
them be more in awe of
your K-indnefs than of your
Poriperj and above all, take
heed of fupporting a Favou-
rite Child in its Impertinence,
which vAW give Right to the
reft of chiiming the fame
Privilege. If you have a di-
vided Number, leave the Boys
to the taibcrs more peculiar

Care,

Hovfi^ Family J dv. 8 1

Care, that you may with the
greater Juftice pretend to a
more immediate Jurifdiftion
over thofe of your own Sex :
You are to live fo with themf,
that they may never chufe to
avoid you, except w^hen they
have offended ^ and then let
them tremble, that they may
diftinguifho But their Penance
muft not continue fo long as
to grow fovpre upon their vV/^-
machs^ that it may not har-
den in ftead of corrcUifig
them : The kind and fevere
Parts muft have their (everal
inrtis feafonably applied 5
but your Indulgence muft have
the broader mixture, that
Love^ rather than Fear, may
be the Root of their Ohedi-
vice*

E 5 Your

82 AdvkeU a Ddnghfer.

Your Servants are in the
next place to be confidered 5
and you tnuft remember not
to fall into the miftake of
thinking, That bccaufe they
receive Wages, and are fo
much Infcriour to you, there-
fore they are below your Care
to know bow to mannage
them. It would be as good
Reafon for a Mafler Workman
to de{pife the Wheels of his
Erjgifte becaufe they are made
of Wood. Thefe are the
Wheels of your Family 3 and
let your Direftions be never
fo faultlefi, yet if thefe En-
gines ftop or move wrong ,
the whole Order of your
Houfe is either at a ftand, or
difcompofed : Befidesjthe In-
tffal/ty which is between

you,

you, muft not caule you to
forget, that Nature maketh
no fuch diftinftion, but that
Servarits may be looked upon
as humbk Frie^ds^ and that
Retnrns of Kwd^^efs and good
iJfage. are as much due to
fuch of them as defer ve it, as
their Service is due to u^
when wcTequire it. hfooUfh
hanghtwefs m the Style of
jp24kif7g^ or in the manner of
commanding them, is in it felf
very undecent, befides, that
it begetteth an Aversion in
them, of which the leaft ill
EfEbft to be expefted , is, that
they will h^jlow and carekfs
in all that is injoyned them,
and you will find it true by
your Experience, that you
will be ib much the more

obej'sd

84 Advice to a Daughter.

eheyed as you are lefs Imperi-
ous. Be not too hafiy \n gi-
ving your Orders^ nor too an-
gry when they are not alto-
gether obferved 5 much lefs
are you to be loud, or too
much difturbed ^ an evef7fie(i
in diftinguifhing when they
do well or ill^ is that which
will make your Family move
by a Rule^and without Noife,
and will the better (et out
your Skill in conducing it
with Eafe and Silence, that
it may be like a v/ell-difci-
plin'd Army, which knoweth
how to anticipate the Orders
that are fit to be given them.
, You are never to negleft the
Duty of the prefect Hour, to
do another thing, which
though it may be better in

it

Honfe^ Family, C^c. 85

it felf, is not to be iin-
feafonably preferred. Allot
well chofen Hours for the
Infpeaion of your Fami-
ly, which may be (o diftin-
guiflied from the reft of your
Time, that the mctffary Cares
may come in their proper
Places, without any Influ-
ence upon your good Hu-
mour, or Interruption to o-
ther things. By thefe Me-
thods you will put your felf
'in pofleffion of being valued
by your Servants, and then
thQit Obedience will naturally
follow.

I rauft not forget one of
the greateft Articles belong-
ing to a Family, which is the
Expence: Itmuftnotbefuch^as
by failing either in the Time

or

86 Advice to a Daughter,

or meaftre of it, may rather
draw Cenfure than gain Ap-
plaufe. If it was well Exa-
mined, there is more Money
given to be laughed at, than
for any other thing in the
World, though the Purcha-
sers do not think fb. A well-
ftated Rule is like the L//;e,
when that is once pafs'd we
arc under another Pole 5 (b
the firft /?r^'/>^ frotn a Rule^
is a ftep towards making
that which was before a
Vertue^ to change its Nature,
and to grow either into a
Vice^ or at leaft an Imperii*
netice : The Art of laying
out Money wifely, is not at-
tained to without a great deal
of thoupjht 5 and it is yet
more difficult in the Cafe of

a Wife,

Houfi, Family^ &c. 87

a Wife^ who is accountable to
her Husbdfjd for her miftakes
in it : It is not only his Mo-
ney^ his Credit too is at Stake,
if what lyeth under the Wifes
Care is managed, either with
undecent Thrifts or too loofe
Frofufwn 5 you are therefore
to keep the Mean between
thefe two Extreams^ and it
being hardly poffible to hold
the Balance exactly even, let
it rather incline towards the
Liberal fide, as raore fuitable
to your ^ality^ and lefs fub-
)t8i to Reproach ^ of the two,
a little Money mifpent is foon-
er recovered^ than the Credit
which is lofl: by having it un-
hand fomely /^z/e^ V and a
Wife Husband will lefs for-
give a (hameful piece of P^r-

fimony^

88 Advice to a DaPighfer,

(Imony^ than a little Extrava-
ganccy if it is not too often
repeated 5 his Mind in this
mufl: be your chief DireUion 5
and his Temper ^ when once
known, will in a great mea-
fure juftifie your part in the
managementj if he is pleated
with it.

In your Cloths avoid too
much Gaudinefs 3 do not va-
lue your felf upon an Imhroi-
dered'Govon 3 and retnember,
that a reafonabk Word^ or an
ohligit7g Loo^, will gain you
more refpcft, than all your
fif^e Trappi^jgs, This is not
faid to reftrain you from a
decent Compliance with the
World, provided you take
the wifer, and not the foo-
liflier part of your Sex for

your

Hopfe^ Family y &c. 89

your Pattern : Some diftinSi-
ons are to be allowed, whilft
they are well-fuited to your
^alJty and Fortune, and in
the diftribution of the Ex-
pence, it feeraeth to me, that
a fnll Attendance^ and well- cho-
fen Ornaments for your Houfe,
will make you a better Fi-
gure, than too much glittering
in what you wear, which may
with more ea(e be imitated
by thofe which are below
you ^ yet this muft not tempt
you to ftarve every thing but
your own Apartment 5 or in
order to more abundance
there, give jufl: caufe to the
kafi: Servant you have, to
complain of the want of what
is neceflary : Above all, fix it
in your thoughts, as an un-
changeable

90 Advice to a Daughter.

changeable Maxim, That no-
thing is truly fine but what is
fit^ and that juft fo much as
is proper for your Or cum-
fiances of their (everal kinds,
is much finer than all you can
add to it ^ when you once
break through thofe bounds,
you launch into a wide Sea of
Extravagai'ce, every thing will
become neceflary,bec2ur€ you
have a mind to it 5 and you
have a mind to it, not becaufe
it is fit for you , but becaufe
fbme body elfe hath H : This
LadyjLagick^ fetteth Reafon
upon its Head, by carrying
the Rule from things to Per-
yj«/, and appealing from what ,
is right to every Fool that is -
in the wrong 5 the word neoef:
fary is miferably applyed, it

difbr-

Hon/e, Family^ &c, 91

difordereth Fumilies^ and o-
verturneth Governments by be-
ir^foabufed : Remember, that
Children and Fools want eve-
ry thing, becaufe they want-
Wit to diftinguifh : and there-
fore there is not a ftronger
Evidence of a Cra%y Under-
flanding^ than the making too
large a Catalogue of things
neceffary, when in truth there
are fo very few things that
have a right to be placed in
it 5 try every thing firft in
your 'jndgement^ before you
allow it a place in your De-
ftre^ elfe your Hmhand may
think it as neceflary for him
to deny, as it is for you to
have wljatever is unreafona-
ble 5 and if you (hall too of-
ten give him that advantage,

the

92 Advice to a Daughter.

the habit of refufmg may per-
haps reach to things that are
not unfit for you 5 there are
unthinking Ladks^ who do
not enough confider, how lit-
tle their own Figure agreeth
with the fi?7e thif7gs they are
fo proud ofv others when
they have them, will hardly
allow them to be vijibk'-^ they
cannoi be feen without Lights
and that is many times fo
fawcy and fo prying^that is like
a too fo[ \^ ai d Gallant to be for-
bid the Chamber to. SomejWhen
you are uQiercd into their
Dark l^ti^Iie^ it is^lth fuch fo-
lemnity^tharaManwouldfwear
there was fomethiog in it, till
ih^TJnskjIful L^iij' breaketh (i-
lence, ai>d beginneth a Chat,
which difcovereih it is Puppit-

Play

Houfe^ Family., d^c. 95

Play with Magnificent Scenes,
many eftcem things rather as
they are hard to be gotten,
than that they are worth get-
ting : This looketh as if they
had an Intereft to purfue that
Maxim, becaufe a great part
of their own valine dependeth
upon it. Truth in thefe Ca-
fes would be very often ;/«-
manrierly^ and might derogate
from the Prerogative^ great
Ladies would aflume to them-
felves, of being diftind Crea-
tures from thofe of their Sex,
who are inferiour, and of lefi
diflBcult accefs in other things
too. Your Condition mun:
give the rule to you, and there-
fore it is not a Wifes part to
aim at more than a bounded
Liberality 5 the farther extent

of

94 Advice to 4 Daughter.

of that ^ality (otherwife to
be commended ) belongeth to
the Husband^ who hath better
means for it.

Gemrojity wrong placed
becometh a Vice^ and it is no
raore a Vertue when it grow-
cth into an Inconvenkfjee, Ver*
tyes rauft be inlarged or re-
ftrained according to the dif-
fering Gircumftances 3 A
Frifjcely Mind will undo a
private Family^ therefore things
aiuft be fuited, or elfe they
will not deferve to be Com-
mended, let them in them-
felves be never fo valuable 5
and the Expeftations of the
World are beft anfwered
when we acquit our felves in
that manner which feemeth to
be prefcribed to our feveral

Condi-

Houje^ Family^ &e, 95

Conditions, without ufurping
upon thofe Duties, which do
not fo particularly belong to us.
I will clofc the confidera-
tion of this ArticU of Ex-
fence^ with this fhort word.
Do not fetter your felf with
(uch a Rejiraint in it as may
make you Remark^bh 3 but
remember that Fcrtue is the
greateft Ornament^ d^nA good
Setice the hefi Equipage.

BEHAVIOVR and CON-
VERSATION.

IT is time now to lead you
out of your Houfe into the
World. A Dangerous ftep 3
where your Vertue alone will
not ferve you;j except it is at-
tended

9$ Advke to a Danghter.

tended with a great deal of
Prudefjce : You muft have
both for your Guards and not
ftir without them, the Ene-
my is abroad, and you are
fure to be taken, if you are
found ftragling: Your Beha-
viour is therefore to incline
ftrongly towards the Refer-
ved part : your Chara&er is
immovably to be* fixed upon
that Bottom, not excluding a
mixture of greater freedom, as
far as it may be innocent and
well-timed. The Extravagan-
cies of the Age have made
Caution more neceffary , and
by the fame reafon that the
too great Licence of 111 Men
hath by Confequence in many
things rcftrained the Lawful
Liberty of thofe who did

not

BEHAVlOVR,&c. 97

not abufe it, the unjuftifiabla
Freedom of fome of your
Sex have involved the reft in
the Penahy of being redu-
ced. And though this can-
not fo alter the Nature of
things, as to make that Cri-
tnind^ which in it felf is In-
different 5 yet if it maketh it
dangerous^ that alone is infuffi-
cient to juftifie the Refiraint.
A clofe behaviour is the fitteft
to receive Vertue for its con-
ftant Gueji^ becaufe there, and
there only, it can be fecure.
Proper Referves are the Out-
v^orks, and muft never be de-
ferted by thofe who intend to
keep the Place 5 they keep
off the poffibility not only of
being taken^ but of being at-
tempted 5 and if a Woman
F feeth

^8 Advice to a Daughter.

feeth Danger at never fo re-
fnote a Diftance, fhe is for
that time to (horten her Line
of Liberty : She who will al-
low her felf to go to xh^ut-
mofl Extents of every thing
that is Lawful, is fo very near
going farther, that thofe who
lie at watch, will begin to
count upon her.

Mafiki^id^ from the double
temptation of Vanity and De-
fire^ is apt to turn every thing
a Woman doth to the hopeful
fide 5 and there are few who
dare make an impudent Appli-
cation, till they difcern fome-
thing which they are willing
to take for an Encouragement:
It is fafer therefore to prevent
fuch Forwardnefs^ than to go
about to cure it ; It gathereth

Strength

BEHAVlOVR, &c. 99

Strength by the firfl: allovpatjcts^
and claimeth a Right from
having been at any time fuf--'
fered with Impunity : There-
fore nothing is with more
care to be avoided, than fuch
a kind of Civility as may be
miftaken for Invitation, It
will not be enough for you
to keep your felf free from
any criminal Etjgagemerjts 3
for if you do that which ei-
ther raifeth Hopes^ or crea-
teth Difcourfey there is a Spot
thrown upon your Good
Name 5 and thofe kinjd of
Stains are the harder to be
taken out, being dropped
upon you by the Mans Va-
nity^ as well as by the Wo-
man s Malice. Moft Men are
in one fence Platonic^ Lovers^
F 2 though

100 Advice to a Daughter,

though they are not willing
to own thzt Char a&er'j they
are fo far Philofophers^ as to
allow, that the greateft part
of Pleafure lieth in the Mind^
and in purfuance of that
Maxinty there are few who
do not place the Felicity
more in the Opinion of the
World, of their being pro-
Jperous Lovers^ than in the
Blejjifjg it felf, how much fo-
ever they appear to value it
This being fo, you muft be
very cautious not to gratifie
thofe Camelions at the price
of bringing .a Cloud upon
your Reputation^ which may
be deeply wounded, though
your Confcjence is unconcern-
ed. Your own Sex too will
not fail to help theleaft Ap-
pearance

BEHAFIOVR,&c. loi

pea ranee that giveth a Ha^i-
die to be ill turned 5 the beft
of them will not be difplea-
fed to improve their own
Value, by laying others un-
der a Difadvantage ^ when
there is a fair Occafion given
for it 5 It diftinguiflieth them
(till the more, their own Crc*
dit is ftiU the more exalted,
and, like a Pifture fet off with
Shades, fhineth more when
a Lady , Ie(s Innocent , or
lefs Difcreeti is fet near, to
make them appear fo much
the brighter. If thefe lend
their Breath to blaft fuch as
are fo unwary as to give them
this Advantage, you may be
fure there will be a ftronger
Gale from thofe, who, befides
Malice or E^nlatipn^ have
F 3 an

102 Advice to a Daughter,

an Interejl too, to ftrike hard
upon a Vertuous Woman :
It feemeth to them, that their
Load of Infamy is lefTened,
by throwing part of it upon
others , fo that they will not
only improve when it lieth
in their way^ but take pains
to find out the leaft miftake
an Innocent Woman commit-
teth, in Revenge of the In-
jury fhe doth in leading a
Life which is a Reproach to
them. With thefe you muft
be extream vpary^ and neither
piovoke them to be angry^
nor invite them to be inti-
r/iate.

To the Men you are to
have a Behaviour which may
fecure you, without offend-
ins them : No ill-bred affe-

"^ aed

BEHAVIOVr, &c. 105

fted ShiKcfs nor Roughmfs^
unfaitable to your 6'ex, and
unneceffary to your Vertiie j
but a way of Living that may
prevent all courfe Railleries or
nn mannerly Freedoms 5 Look^
that forbid without Rtide^
fiefs.^ and oblige without In-
vitation^ or leaving room for
the fawcy Inferences Mens
Vanity fuggefteth to them
upon the leaft Encourage-
ments. This is fo very nice,
that it muft engage you to
have a perpetual Wateh upon
your Fyes^ and to remember,
that one carelefs Glaunce gi-
veth more advantage than a
hundred Words not enough
confidered ^ the Language of
the Eyes being very much the
moft [tgnijicant^ and the rnofl:
F 4 obfervedo

104 Advtceto a Daughter.

obferved. Your C/W//)', which
is always to be preferved,
muft not be carried to a Com-
flia^ce^ which may betray you
into irrecoverable Miftakeso
This French ambiguous word
Complaifance hath led your
Sex into more blame, than
all other things put together :
It carrieth them by degrees
into a certain thing called a
good kjnd of WoMan^ an eafie
Idle Creature^ that doth nei-
ther Good nor III but by
chance^ hath no Choice^ but
leaveth that to the Company
fhe keepeth. Time^ which by
degrees addeth to the figniii-
cation of Words^ hath made
her 5 according to Modern
Stile, little better than one
who thinketh it a Rndenefs

to

BEHAVIOVR, &c. 105

to deny, when civilly requi-
red, either her Service in Per-
fen^ or her fiiendly Ajfiitanre^
to thofe who would have a
meetings or want a Cotjjidznt.
She is a certain thing always
at hand, an eafie Compamort^
who hath e\GvgrtnCompaJJion
for diflrejjed Lovers : She cen-
fureth nothing but Rigour^
and is never without a PUi/ier
for a wounded Reputation^ in
which chiefly lieth her Skill
in Chirurgery : She feldom
hath the Propriety of any
particular Gallant^ but liveth
upon Brokage^ and waiteth
for the Scraps her Friends are
content to leave her.

There is another Chara&er
not quite fo Criminal^ yet not
lefs Ridicnlom ^ which is that
F s. of

lo6 Ad vice to a Daughter.

of a goo d- humour d Woman ^
one who thinketli (he muft
always be in a Laugh, or a
broad Smile , and becaufe
Good-Humour is an obliging
Qaality, thinketh it left ill-
manners to talk impertinently^
than to be filent in Company.
When fuch a prating Engine
rideth Admiral^ and carrieth
the La nt horn in a Circle of
Fools^ a cheerful Coxcomb com-
ing in for a Recruit^ the Chat*
iering of Monkeys is a better
iioife than fuch a Concert of
fencelefs Merriment .-If (lie is
applauded in it, (he is fo en-
couraged, that, like a Bat-
ladfwger^ who, if commend-
ed, breaketh his Lungs, (he
letteth her felf loofe, and o-
verfloweth upon, the Compa-
ny,

BEHAFIODR, &c. 107

ny. She concciveth that
Mirth is to have no Intermif-
fion, and therefore (he will
carry it about with her,
though it be to a Fuf^eral ^
and if a Mm fliould put a
familiar Qaeftion, (lie doth
not know very w^ell how to
be angry, for then (he would
be no more that pretty thing
called a Good humour d Wo-
ntdti. This neceffity of appea-
ring at all times to be infinite-
ly pleafed, is a grievous mi-
ftake 5 fince in a ha^idfom Wo*
man that Invitation \^ unne-
ceffary , and in one who h
not foj ridiculous.

It is not intended by thi?,
that you fhould forfwear
Laughing'^ but remember, that
Fools being alwnys painted

ia

io8 Advice to a Daughtet.

in that pofture it may fright
thofe who are wife from do-
ing it too frequently, and go-
ing too near a Copy which is
fo little inviting, and much
more from doing it /W, which
is an unnatural Sound, and
looketh fo much like ano-
ther Sex, that few things are
more ofTenfive. That hoi-
firoHs kind of Jvllitji is as
contrary to Wit and Good
manmrs^ as it is to Modejlji
and Verftie 5 befides, it is a
courfe kind of quality, that
throweth a Woman into a
lower Form, and degradeth
her from the Rank of thofe
who are more refined. Some
Ladies fpeak aloud and make
a noife to be the more mind-
ed, which looketh as if they

beat

BEHAl'lOVR.^c. 109
beat their Drums for Volnn-
tiers 5 and if by misfortune
none come in to them^ they
may, not without reafon, be
a good deal out of Counte-
nance.

There is yet one thing
more to be avoided, which
is the Example of thofe who
intend nothing farther than
the Vanity of Conqueft^ and
think themfelves fecure of not
having their Honour tainted
by it. Some are apt to be-
lieve their Vertue is too Oi-
fcure^ and not enough kpow??,
except it is expofed to a
broader Lights and fet out to
its beft advantage, by fome
publick Trials 5 thefe are dan-
gerous Experiments, and ge-
nerally fail, being built up-
on

1 10 Advice to a Daughter.

on fo weak a foundation, as
that of too great Cor^^dence in
cur felves 5 it is as fate to play
with Fire^ as to dally with
Gallantry,

Love is a Paffion that hath
Friends in the Garrifon, and
for that reafon muft by a
Woman be kept at fuch a di-
ftance, that fhe may not be
within the danger of doing
the moft ufual thing in the
World , which is confpiring
againft her Self, elfe the hum-
ble Gallant, who is only ad-
mitted as a Trophy, very of-
ten becometh the Conquerour 3
he putteth on the ftyle of Vi-
Gory, and from an Admirer
groweth into a Maflcr, for fo
he may be called from the
moment he is in Pofleilion.

The

BEHAFIOVR, &c. iii

The firft Refolutions of top-
ping at good Opinion and
Efteem, grow weaker by de-
grees againft the Charms of
Cofirtfiip skillfully applyed.
A Lady is apt to think a Man
fpeaketh fo much reafon whilft
he is Commetjdwg her^ tha't
{he hath much ado to believe
him in the wrong when he is
making Love to her, and
when befides the natural In-
ducements your Sex hath to
be merciful, fhe is bribed by
well-chofen Flattery ^\\\t poor
Creature is in danger of being
caught like a Bird liftening xo
the Whiftle of one that hath
a Snare for ir, Conqnefl is (o
tempting a thing, that it of-
ten maketh Women miftake
Mens SuhmijUons'^ which with

all

112 Advice to a Daughter.

all their fair Appear ances^have
generally left ReJ^eS than Art
in them. You are to remem-
ber, that Men who fay ex-
tream fine things, many times
fay them moft for their own
fakes, and that the vain Gal-
lant is often as well pleafed
with h\s own Complif^e»ts^ as
he could be with the kiffdefi
anfwer ^ where there is not that
Ojientation you are to fufpeft
there is a Defign 5 and as ftrong
ferfnmes are feldom ufed but
when they are neceffary to
fmother an unwelcome y?^«r3
fo ExceJ? of good Words ^ leave
room to believe they are
ftrewed to cover fomething
which is to gain admittance
under a Difguife : You mufl:
be therefore upon your Guard,

and

BEHAV[OVR,&c. 113

and confider, that of the two,
RefpeS is more dangerous
than A^ger^ it puts even the
beft llnderftandings out of
their place, till the time of
their fecond thoughts reftore
them \ it ftealeth upon us in-
fenfibly, throweth down our
Defences, and maketh it too
late to refift, after we have
given it that advantage ,
whereas railing goeth away
in (bund , it hath fo much
noife in it,. that by giving
warning it befpeaketh Cauti-
on. RefpeS is a (low and fur^
Poifon^ and like Poifon fwel-*"
leth us within our felves ,
where it prevaileth too much,
it groweth to be a kind of
Apoplexia in the Mind, turn-
eih it quite round, and after

it

114 Advice to a Daughter,

it hath once feized the under-
ftanding, becometh mortal to
it ; For thefe reafons, the (a- -
fed way is to treat it like a'*
fly Enemy, and be perpetu-
ally upon the watch againft
it.

I will add one Advice to
conclude this head, which is,
that you will let every feven
years make fome alteration in
you towards the Graves fide,
and not be like the Girls of
Fifty, who refblve to be al-
ways Toufjg^ what ever Time
with his Iron Teeth hath de-
termined to the contrary h un-
natural things carry a Defor-
niity in them never to the Dif-
guifed 5 the Livelinefs of Touth
in a riper Age, lookcth like
anold patch upon a ^ewGow»h

fo

BEHAFIOVR,&c. 115

fo that a Gajf Matron^ a
chearful old Fool may be rea-
fonably put into the Lift of
the Tamer kind of Monfters:
There is a certain Creature
call'd a Grave Hohby-Horje, a
kind of (he Numps^ that pre-
tendeth to be pulled to a Play,
and muft needs go to Bartho-
lomew-Fair^ to look after the
young Folks, of whom (he
onely feemeth to take care,
when in reality {he onely ta-
keth them for her excule 5
fuch an old Butterfly is of all
Creatures the moft ridiculous,
and the foontft found out. It
is good to be early in your
Caution, to avoid any thing
that Cometh within diftance
of fuch defpicable Patterns,
and not like fonie Ladies, \vho

defer

Ij6 Advict to a Daughter.

defer their Converjlon , till
they have been fo long in
poffeffion of being laughed at,
that the World doth not
know how to change their
ftyle, even when they are re-
claimed from that which gave
the firft occafion for it 5 the
advantages of being referved
are too many to be fet down,
I will only fay, that it is a
Guard to a gaodWoman^ and
a Dijgtiife to an ilJ one. It is
of (b much ufe to both, that
thofe ought to ufe it as an Ar-
tifice^ who refufe to pradife
it as a Vert fie.

FRlEND^

FRIENDSHIPS. 117

FRIENDSHIPS.

IMuft in a particular man-
ner recommend to j^ou a
ftria Care in the Choice of
your Friends 5 perhaps the
bed are not without their
OhjeSions^ but however, be
fure that yours may not ftray
from the Rules which the wi-
fer part of the World hath ftt
to them ^ the Leagues Offen*
five and DefenJiveStXAom hold
m Politicks^ and much lefs is
Frkndjhip 5 the violent Inti-
macies^ when once broken, of
which they fcarce ever fail,
make fuch a Noife^ the Bag of

Secrets

1 18 Advice to a Daughter.

Secrets untied, they fly about
like Birds let loofe from a
Cage, and become the En-
tertainmefit of the Tovppj, Be-
fides, thefe great Dearfjejfes
by degrees grow injurious to
the reft of your Acquaintance^
and throw them off from you:
There is fuch an Offenfive
Diftinaion when the Dear
Friend cometh into the
Room, thnt it is flinging
Stones at the Company^ who
are not apt to forgive it.

Do not lay out your Friend'
Jhip too lavijhly at firft, fince
it will, like other things, be
fo much the Iboner fpent 5
neither let it be of too quick
a growth 5 for as the Plants
which (hoot up too fa(i are
not of that continuance^ as

thofc

FRIENDSHIPS. 119

thofe which take more time for
it 3 fo too fwift a Progrefs in
pouring out your Kindnejs^
is a certain Sign that by the
Courfe of Nature it will not
be long-lived. You will be
refpt nibble to the World, if
you pitch upon fuch Friends
as at the fame time are under
the weight of any Criminal
OhjeSion 3 in that cafe you
will bring your felf under the
difadvantages of their Chu-
raSer^ and muft bear your
part of it. Chnfwg implicth
Approving 5 and if you fix
upon a Lady for your Friend
againft whom the World
ihall have given Judgment,
'tis not fo well natur*d as to
believe you are altogether
averfe to her way of livings

fince

I20 Advice to a Daughter.

fince it doth not difcourage
you from admitting her into
your Kindfjefs 5 and Refem-
blame of Inclinations being
thought none of the leaft
Inducements to Friendjhip^
you will be looked upon at
leaft as a well-wi(her if not a
Partner v^ixh her in her Faults:
If you can forgive them in an-
other, it may be prefumedyou
will not be lefs gentle to your
felf 5 and therefore you muft
not^ke it ill, if you are rec-
koned a Croupiere^ and con-
demned to pay an equal Share
with fuch a friend of the Re-
piitation fhe hath loft.

If it hapneth that you4:
Friend (hould fall from the
State of Innocence after your
Kindnefs was engaged to her,

you

FRIENDSHIPS. 121

you may be flow in your be-
lief in the beginning of the
Difcovery 5 but as foon as
you are convinced by a i?^-
twffal Evidence , you muft: ,
without breaking too roughly^
make a fair and quick Retreat
from fuch a Miflakcn Acqitajn-
tance 5 clfe by moving too
Jlowly from one that is fo
tainted, the Contagion may
reach you fo far as to give you
part of the Scaridal, though
not of the Guilt. This Mat-
ter is fo nice, that as you muft
not be too hafty to jojn m
the Cenfitre upon your triend
when (he is accufed^ fo you
are not on the other fide to
deferid her with too much
warmth 3 for if (he (hould
happen to deferve the Re-
G port

122 Advice to d Datighttr.

port of Common Fame^ befides
the Vexation that belongeth
to fuch a miftake, you will
draw an ill appearance upon
your felf , and it will be
thought you pleaded for her
not without fome confiderati^
en of your felf. The Anger
which muft be put on to vin-
dicate the Reputation of an
injured Friend^ may incline
the Company to fufpefl: you
would not be {o zealous^ if
there was not a poffibility
that the Gafe might be your
own : For this reafon you are
not to carry your dearne/s (6
far, as abfolutely to lofe your
Sight where your Friend is
concerned : Becaufe Malice is
too quick- lighted, it doth not
foUoWj that triendfiip muft be

blind :

FRIENDSHIPS. 123

hli^d: There is to be a Meaft
between thofe Extreams^ elfe
your Excufe of Good Nature
may betray you into a very
ridiculous Figure^ and by de-
grees may be preferred to
fuch Offices as you will not
be proud of. Your Ignorance
may leffen the Guilty but
will improve the Jeji upon
you, who (hall be kindly
foUicitous to procure a Meet-
ing, and innocently contri-
bute to the Ills you would
avoid 5 whilft the Contriving
hovers^ when they are alone,
(hall make you the Subjeft
of their Mirth^ and perhaps
( with refpeft to the Goddeft
of Love be it fpoken) it is
not the v/orft part of their
Entertainment^ at leaft it is the
G 2 moft

124 Advice to a Daughter.

moft lafting, to laugh at the
believifjg Friend^ who was fo
eafily deluded.

Let the good Senfe of your
Frhfjds be a chief Ingredient
in your Choke of them 5 elfe
Jet your Reputation be never
fo clear, it may be clouded
by their Impertimtjce, It is
like our Houfes being in the
Powder of a Drunken and
Carelels Neighbour 5 only fo
much worfe, as that there will
be no Infiirance here to make
you amends, as there is in the
Cafe of Fire.

To conclude this Para-
graph 5 If Formality is to be
allowed in any Inftance, it is
to be put on to refifl: the In-
trufion of fuch forward Wo-
men as (hall prefs themfelves

into

CENSVRE. 125

into your Fne^dfirp. where,
if admitted, they will be ei-
ther a Sf^are or aa I?tcum-

CENSVRE.

IT will come next to your
Confiderdtion, how you
are to mannage your Ce^fure 5
in which both Care and Skill
will be a good deal required,
to dift'inguitli is not only fja-
tural but ftcceffiry ^ and the
Effeft^ of it is, That we can-
not avoid giving Judgment
in our Minds, either to ab-
folve or to cotidemti as the Cafe
requireth. The DificHltji is,
G 3 to

126 Advice to a Daughter,

to know where and when it is
proper Xoproclaimx\itSe?2ience.
An Averfwn to what is Crimi-
^al^ and a Contempt of what is
ridicnlof^^ are the infef arable
Companions of llnderftanding
and Vertue 5 but the letting
them go farther than our own
Thoughts, hath fo much dan-
ger in it, that though it is
neither poffible nor fit \o [up-
pref them intirely, yet it is
lieceffary they ftiould be kept
under great ReUraints, An
urjlimited Liberty of this kind
is little lefs than fending a
Herald to proclaim War to
the World, which is an angry
Beaji when fo provoked :
The Conteft will be unequal,
though you are never fo much
in the right 3 and if you be-
gin

CENSVRE,&c. 127

gin againft fuch an Adverfa-
ry, it will tear you in pieces,
and v/ith this Juftification,
That it is done in its own
defence. You muft therefore
take heed of Langhwg , ex-
cept in Company that is very
fure 5 it is throwing Snov/-
balls againft Bullets y and it
is the dijadvatjtage of a Wo-
man, that the Malice of the
World will help the Brutality
of thofe who will throw a
JlovQnly U77truih upon her.
You are for this Reafon to
fupprefs your Im^alknce ^ for
Fools, (which befides that they
are too ftrong a Party to be
unneceffarily provoked ) are,
and of all other the raoft dan-
gerous. In this Cafe, a Blockc
head in his Rage will return
G 4. a

1^8 Advice to a Daughter.

a dfill Jefi , which will lie
heavy, though there is not a
Grain of Wit in it. Others
will do it with more Art, and
you muft not think your felf
fecure becaufe your Reputati-
on may perhaps be out of
reach of III will ^-^^ for if it
findeth that part guarded^ it
will feek one which is more
expfed ^ it fiieth, like a cor-
rupt Humour in the Body, to
the weaksfi Part ; If you have
a tender Side, the World will
be fure to find it, and to put
the word Colour on all you
fay or do, give an Aggravation
to every thing that may lef-
fen you, and afpiteful turn to
every thing that might re-
commend you. Anger \2\^i\\
open ihofe Defefts which

Friend-

CENSVRE, 12^

Friendjlyip would not fee, and
Civjiity would be willing to
forget. Malice needeth no
fach InvitcUion to encournge it,
neither are any Pains more
fuperfluous than thofe we
take to be ill fpoken of; \(
Envy^ which never dyeth, and
feldom (leepeth, is content
fometimes to be in a Slnmher^
it is very unskilful to make a
noife to awaken it : Befides,
your Wit will be mifapplied
in it, if it is wholly direSed
to dilcern the Faults of others^
when it is fo neceflary to be
fo often ufed to »0end and
prevent your ovpn. The fend-
ing our Thoughts too much
abroad, hath the fanie Effcd,
as when a Family never Ray-
eth at home 5 l>^egUB and Dif-
G 5 ord^r

130 Advice to a Daughter.

order naturally foUowcth 5
as it muft do within our
fdves, if we do not frequent-
ly turn our Eyes inwards, to
fee what is amifs with us,
where it is a fign we have an
unwelcome ProJpeH^ when we
do not care to look, upon it,
but rather feek our Confolati-
ons in the Vaults of thole we
converfe with. Avoid be-
ing the firft in fixing a hard
Cenfurty but let it be confirm-
ed by the general Vohx^ be-
fore you give credit to it :
Neither are you then to give
Sentence like a Magifirate^ or
as if you had a Jpecial Autho-
rity to beftovv a good or ill
Name at your difcretion. Do^
not dwell too long upon a
y^^ak^ Side^ touch and go a-

way 5

CENSVRE, &c. 191

way 5 take pleafure to ftay lon-
ger where you can commend^
like Bees that fix only upbn
thofe Herbs out of which
they may extraft the Juice of
which their Honey is cora-
pofed. A f^erthc ftuck with
Briflks is too rough for this
Age 5 it muft be adorned
with fome Florvers, or elfe it
will be unwillingly enter-
tained 3 fo that even where
it may be fit to ftrike, do it
like a Ladj/^ gently ^ and af-
fiire your felf, that where you
take care to do it, you will
wound others more, and hurt
your felf lefs, by feft Slrokss^
than by being harfi or violent.
The Triumph of Wit is to
make your good Nature fub-
due your Ce/jfire , to be quick

in

132 Advice to a Da fighter.

m feeing Fajdts^ and flow in
expoftffg them. You are to
coniider , that the invifible
thing called a Good Name , is
made up of the Breath of
Numbers that fpeak well of
you 5 fo that if by a difoW-
gi>7g Word you filence the
fMeanefl^ the Gale will be lefs
ftrong which is to bear up
your Ejieem, And though no-
thing is fo vain as the eager
purfuit of empty Afplaufe^ yet
to be well thought of, and to
be kindly ufed by the World,
is like a Glory about a Wo-
mans Head 5 'lis a Perfume
fhe carrieth about with her ,
and leaveth where- ever fhe
goeth ^ 'tis a Charm againft ///-
will 5 Malice may empty her
Qiiverj but cannot wound 5

the

the Dirt will not ftick, the
Jefts will not take : Without
the confent of the World, a
Scaridal doth not go deep 3 it
is only a flight ftroke upon
the Party injured, and return-
eth with the greater force up-
on thofe that gave it.

FANITTa^dAFFEC'
T ATI ON.

IMuft with more than ordi-
nary earmflnefs give you
Caution againft Vanity^ it be-
ing the Fault to which your
Sex feemeth to be the moft
inclined , and fince Affectation
for the moft part attendeth
it 5 I do not know how to

divide

134 Advice ia a Daughter,

divide them : I will not call
them Trvi^s , becaufe more
properly Vanity is the Mother^
and Affectation the Darling
Daughter ; Vanity is the Sin,
and AffeBation the Punifh-
ment 5 the firft may be called
the Root of Self -Love ^ the o-
ther the bruit 5 Vanity is ne-
ver at its full growth till it
fpreadeth into AffeUation^ and
then it is compleat. Not to
dwell any longer upon the de-
finition of them, I will pafs to
the means and motives to a-
void them: In order to it,
you are to confider, that the
World challengeth the right
of diftributingEfteem and Ap-
plaufe 5 fo that where any a(^
fume by their fingle Authority^
to be their own Carvers 5 it

groweth

VANITY, &c. 155

groweth angry, and never
faileth to feek Reveffge--^ and
if we may meafure a Fault by
the greatnefs of the Penalty^
there are few of a higher
fize than Vanity^ as there is
fcarce a Puniihment which
can be heavi'er than that of
being laughed at. Vanity ma-
keth a Woman tainted with
it, fo top-ful of her felf, that
{he fpilleth it upon the Com^
fany 5 and becaufe her own
thoughts are intirely imploy-
ed ia SelfContemplation 3 fhe
endeavouretb, by a cruel Mi-
ftake, to confine her Acquaw-^
tatjce to the fame narrow Cir-
cle of that which only con-
cerneth her Ladifhip, forget-
ting that (he is not of half that
Imforiance to the World, that

(he

1^6 Advk^ to a Daughter,

fhe is to her felf, fo miftaken
fhe is in her Value, by being
her own Appraifer 5 {he will
fetch fuch a Gompafs in Dif-
courfe to bring in her beloved
Self^ and rather than fail^ her
fine Petty-Coat , that there
can hardly be a better Scene
than fuch a Tryal of ridicu-
lous Ingenuity : It isa Pleafure
to fee her Angle for Commtn-
datiofz^ and rife io diffatisfied
with the Ul-bred Compa?7y^ if
they will not hiie. To obferve
her throwing her Ejes about
to fetch in Prifoners, and go
about Cruizing like a Pri-
vateer, and fo out of Counte-
vancQ^ if (he return without
Booty ^ is no ill piece of Co-
medy ; She is fo eager to draw
refpeft, that fhe always mif-

feth

VANITY, &c. 137

feth it, yet thinketh it fomuch
her due, that when (he fail-
eth (he groweth wafpijh , not
confidering, that it is impof^
fib!e to commit a Rape upon
the will. That it moft be
fairly gained, and will not be
taken by Storfn , and that in
this Cafe, the Tax ever ri-
feth higheft by a Benevolence.
If the World inftead of ad-
miring her Imaginary Excel*
lencies^ taketh the Liberty to
laugh at them, (he appealeth
from it to her felf, for whom
{he giveth Sentence, and pro-
claimeth it in all Companies :
On the other fide, if incoura-
^ed by a Civil Word^ fhe is fo
♦obliging, that (he will give
thanks for being laughed at in
good -Language : She taketh

a Com-

158 Advice to a Daughter.

a Complement for a Dernonftra-
tion, and fetteth it up as an
Evidence , even againfk her
Looking-Glafi 3 but the good
Lady being all this while in a
mofl: profound Ignorance of
her felf, forgetteth that Men
would not let her talk upon
them, and throw fo many
fencelefs words at their heads,
if they did not intend to put
her Perfon to Fine and Ran-
fome for her Impertinence.
Good words of any other La-
dy, are fo many Stones thrown
at her, (he can by no means
bear them, they make her fo
uneaficj that (he cannot keep
her Seat 5 but up (he rifeth,
and goeth home half burft
with Anger and Strait- Lacing ^^
if by great chance (he faith

any

VANITY, &e. 139

any thing that hath fence in
it, (he expefteth fuch an Ex-
ceffive rate of CommendatJo>2s^
that to her thinking the Com-
pany ever rifeth in her Ddt 5
fhe looketh upon Rnks as
things made for the common
People, and not for Perfons
of her Rank^'^ and this Opini-
on fometimes provokes her to
Extend her Prerogative to the
difpencing with the Com-
mandments : If by great Far^
turn (he happeneth, in fpite of
her Vanity^ to be honeft, Ihe
is fo troublefome with it, that
as far as in her lieth, (he ma-
keth a fcurvy thin^ of it 5 her
bragging of her Verfne^ look-
eth as it' it coft her fo much
pains to get the better of her
Self, that the hferetjces are

very

140 Advice to a Daughter,

very ridiculous. WtrgoodHu-
mouT is generally applied to
the laughing at good Sence, It
would do one good to fee
how heartily (he defpifeth any
thing that is fit for her to do.
The greateft part of her Fan-
cy is laid out in chufing her
Gow/i^ as her Difiretion is
chiefly imploy'd in not fayhtg
for it. She is faithful to the
Fajhiofj^ to which not only
her Opinion^ but her Senfes
are wholly refigned 5 fo obfe-
quious (he is to it, that flie
would be ready to be recon-
ciled even to Vertue with all
its Faults^ if (he had her Dan-
cing Ma fter's Word that it was
praftis'd at Court,

To a Woman fo composed,
when Affectation corametb in

to

VAN ITT, &c. 141

to improve her Chara&evy it
is then raifed to the higheft
FerfcBion, She firfl: fetteth up
for a Fwe things and for that
Reafon will diftinguiih her
felf, right or wrong, in every
thing {he doth. She would
have it thought that (he is
made of fo much the finer
Clay^ and fo much more Jifted
than ordinary, that (he hath
no common Earth about her :
To this end (he muft neither
move nor fpeak like other
Women, becaufe it would be
vulgar 5 and therefore muft
have a Language of her ovpn^
fince ordinary Englijh is too
courfe for her. The Looking-
gla^ in the Morning difta-
tetn to her all the Motions of
the Day, which by how much

the

142 Advice to a Daughter.

the more jiudied^ are fo much
the more miflaken. She com-
eth into a Room as if her
Limbs were fet on with ill-
made Screws, which raaketh
the Company fear the pretty
thing (hould leave forae of
its artificial Per/on upon the
Floor. She doth not like
her felf as God Almighty made
her, but will have fome of
her own Workmanfhip 5 which
is fo far from making her a
better thing than a Womaff^
that it turneth her into a
worfe Creature than a M^«-
hy. She falleth out with
NatPire, againft which (he raa-
keth War without admitting
of a Tiv/re, thofe Moments ex-
cepted in which her Gallant
may reconcile her to it, when

(lie

VANITr,&c. 143

The hath a mind to be fofi
and larjguijhwg : There is
fomething fo unnatural in
that affeBed Eafwefs^ that her
Frowns could not be by ma-
ny degrees fo forbidding.
When ffie would appear un-
reafonably humble^ one may
fee {he is (b exceffively fronds
that there is no enduring it*
There is fiich an impcrtinerjt
Smtle^ fuch a fatisfied Simper^
when Qie faintly difbwneth
fome fulfom Commendation a
Man hapneth to beftow upon
her againft his Gonfcience ,
that her Thanks for it are
more vifible under fuch a
thin Difguife^ than they could
be if (he (hould print them.
If a handfomer Woman taketh
any liberty of DreJJjng out

of

144 Advice to a Daughter,

of the ordinary Rules, the mi-
ftaken Lady followeth, with-
out diftinguifhing the unequal
Pattern, and maketh her felf
uglier by an Example miP-
placed 5 either forgetting the
Privilege of good Looks in
another^ or prefuming, with-
out fufficient reafon, upon her
own. Her Difcour/e is a fenf-
lefs Chime of empty Words, a
heap of Complements fo equal-
ly applied to differing Per-^
fons, that they are neither va-
lued nor believ'd. Her Eyes
keep pace with her Tongue^
and are therefore always in
ptotion 5 one may difcern that
they generally incline to the
compajjzonate fide, and that,
notwithftanding her pretence
to Vertue^ (lie is gentle to di-

ftrefed

FAN ITT, 6-0. 145

fireffed Lovers , and Ladies
that are merciful. She will
repeat the tender part of a
Play fo feelingly , that the
Company may guefi, without
Injuftice, fhe .was not altoge-
ther a dijtnierejjed Spe^ator.
Shethinketh that Paint and
Sin are concealed by rail-
ing at them 5 upon the latter
fhe is lels hard, and being
divided between the two op-
polite Prides of her Beauty
and her Vertue, (he is often
tempted to give broad Hints
that fome body is dying for
her 5 and of the two (he is
left unwilling to let the
World think (he may be
fometimes profan d, than that
(he is never worfhipped. Ve-
ry great Beauty may perhaps
H &

146 Advice to a Daughter.

fo dazle for a time, that Men
may not fo clearly fee the De-
formity of thofe AjfeUions :
But when the Brightnefs goeth
off, and that the Lover s Eyes
are by that means fet at liber-
ty to fee things as they are,
he will naturally return to
his loft Senfes, and recover
the Miftake into v/hich the
Lady's good Looks had at firft
engaged him 5 and being once
undeceived, ceafeth towor-
(hip that as a Goddefs^ which
he feeth is only an artificial
Shrine^ moved by Wheels and
Springs to delude him. Such
Women pleafe only like the
firfi Opening of a Scene^ that
hath nothing to recommend
it but the being New ; They
may be compared to Flies ^

that

FAN ITT, &c. 147

that have pretty fhining
Wiftgs for two or three hot
Months, but the firft cold
Weather maketh an end of
them 5 fo the Utter Seafon of
thefe fluttering Creatures is
difinal: From their neareft
Friends they receive a very
faint Refpeft^ from the reft
of the World, the utmoft de-
gree of Contempt.

Let this Pi6fure fupply the
place of any other Rules
which might be given to pre-
vent your refe/nblanco to it.
The Deformity of it , well
confidered, is InjiruSion e-
nough, from the very lame
reafon, that the fight of a
Drunkard is a better Sermoic
againft that Vice^ than the belt
that was ever prcach'd upon
that 5^/i/cJ?. H2 ?Rim.

148 Advice to a Daughter,

PRIDE.

AFter having faid this
againft Vanity^ I do not
intend to apply the fame Cen-
Jure to Pride^ well placed,
and rightly defined. It is an
amb/gHo/^f Word 3 one kind
of it is as much a Vertue^ as
the other is a Vice : But we
are naturally fo apt to chufe
the vporfl^ that it is become
dangerous to commend the
hefi iide of it. A Woman
is not to be proud of her
fine Gown ^ nor when (he
hath lefs Wit than her Neigh-
bours, to comfort her felf

' that

PRIDE. 149

that fhe hath more Lace.
Some Ladies put fo much
weight upon Orna/^/e?tts^ that
if one could fee into their
Hearts^ it would be found,
that even the Thoughts of
Death are made lefs heavy to
them by the Contemplation
of their being kid out in St ate ^
and honourably attended to the
Grave. One may come a
good deal (hort of fuch an
Extream^ and yet ftill be fuf-
ficiently Impertinent^ by fet-
ting a wrong Value upon
things which ought to be
ufed with more indifference.
A Lady muft not appear fol-
licitous to ingrofs ReJpeS to
her felf, but be content with
a reafonable Diftrikitton^ and
allow it to others, that fhe
H 3 may

1 50 Advice to a X^anghter.

may have it returned to her*
She is not to be troublefomly
nice^ nor diftinguifh her felf
by being too delicate^ as if or-
dinary things were too cenrfe
for her 5 this is an unmajiner-
ly and offenfive Pride, and
where it is praclifed , defer-
veth to be mortified , cf
which it feldom faileth. She
is not to lean too much upon
her Quality, much lefs to de-
fpife thofe who are below ft.
Some make ^ality an Idol^
and then their Reafon muft
fall down and worftiip it 5
they would have the World
think , that no amends can
ever be made for the want of
a great Title^ or ancient Coat
of Arms : They imagine, that
with thefc Advantages they

ftand

PRIDE. 151

ftand upon the higher Groimd\,
which maketh them look
down upon Merit audVert^e^
as things inferiour to them.
This Miftake is not only
fencelefs^ but criminal too, in
putting a greater Price upon
that which is a piece of good
Liicl{^ than upon things which
are valuable in themfelves.
hanghing is not enough for
fuch a Folly \ it muft be le-
vcrcly whipped^ as it juftly de-
ferves. It will be confeiied,
there are frequent Te/^;j?^^^i^/^j"
given hj pert TJpjiarts to be
angry, and by that to have
our Judgment corrupted in
thefe Cafes 5 but they are to
be refifted , and the utmoft
that is to be allowed, is, when
thofe of a new Editiou will

for-

152 Advice to a Daughter.

forget themfelves, fb as either
to brag of their weal{^ Jide^ or
to endeavour to hide their
Mean^efs by their Infolence 5
to cure them by a little fea-
fonable Raillery , a little
Sharpnefs well placed , with-
out dwelling too long upon
it. Thefe and many other
kinds of Fride are to be a-
voided. That which is to
be recommended to you, is,
an 'Emulation to raife your felf
to a CharaUer^ by which you
may be diftinguiflied, an Ea-
gernefi for precedence in
Vertue^ and all fuch other
things as may gain you a grea-
ter (hare in the good Opinion
of the World. Ejitem to Ver^
tue is like a cheriJJnng Air to
'!^knU and Howers ^ which

maketh

PRIDE. 155

maketh them blow and prof-
per 'y and for that reafon it
may be allowed to be in fome
degree the Caufe as well as the
Reward of it. That Pride
which leadeth to a good End^
cannot be a Vice^ fince it is
the beginning of a Vertue 5 and
to be pleafed with juft Af-
plauje^ is fo far from being a
Fault 5 that it would be an
ill Symptom m a Woman, who
Ihould not place the greateft
part of her Satkfa&ion in it.
Humility is no doubt a great
Vertue 5 but it ceafeth to be fo,^
when it is afraid to fcorn an
ill thing. Againft Vice and
Folly it is becoming your vS*^x
to be haughty ^ but you muft
not carry the Contempt of
things to Arrogance towards

Perfen

154 Advice to a Daughter.

Perfons^ and it muft be done
with fitting Difiin&ions^ elfe
it may be Inconvenient by be-
ing unfeafonable. A Pride
that raifeth a little Anger to
be out-done in any thing that
is good, will have fo good an
EfeS^ that it is very hard to
allow it to be a Fault. It is
no eafie matter to carry even
between thefe diftbring kinds
fo defcribed ^ but remember,
that it is fafer for a Womun to
be thought too proud, than
too familiar.

DIVER'

DIVERSIONS. 155

DIFERSIONS.

TH E laft thing I {hall re-
commend to you, is a
wife and fafe method of ufing
Dtverfiofts X, to be too eager
in the purfait of pleafare
whilft you are Tonng^ is dan-
gerous 5 to catch at it in riper
Tears^ is grafping a (hadow
that will not be held 5 befides,
that by being lefs natural it
groweth to be indecent 5 Di-
verjions are the moft properly
to be applied, to eafe and
relieve thofe who are Oppref-
fed^ by being too much Im-
ployed 5 thofe that are Idle

have

156 Advice to a Daughter,

have no need of them, and
yet they above all others give
themrelves up to them. To un-
bend our Thought s^Y^htn they
are too much ftretched by our
Cares, is not more natural
than it is neceflary , but to
turn our whole Life into a
^olj'day^ is not only ridicu-
lous, but deftroyeth pleafiire
inftead of pomoting it 5 the
Mind like the Body is tired by
being Mways in one Pofture,
too ferious breaketh it, and
too diverting loofeneth it : It
is Variety that giveth the Re*
lifh,fo that Diver f&ns too fre-
quently reaped, grow firfk
to be indifferent, and at laft
tedious 5 whilft they are well
ehofen and well timed, they
are never to be blamed > but

whea

DIVERSIONS. 157

when they are ufed to an Ex-
cels, though very Innocent at
firft, they often grow to be
Criminal^ and never fail to
be Impertinent : Some Ladies
are befpoken for Merry Meet-
ings, as Bejji^ was for Duels 5
they are ingaged in a Circle
of Idlenefs^ where they turn
round for the whole Year,
without the Interruption of a
ferious hour , they know all
the Players Names,8c are Inti-
mately acquainted with all the
Bootlis in Bartholomew Fair 5
no Souldier is more Obedient
to the found of his Captain's
Trumpet^ than they are to that
which fummoneth them either
to a PHppit-Plaji or a Monjier 3
the Spring that bringeth out
Flies^ and Fools maketh them
Inhabitants

158 Advice to a Danghter.

Inhabitants in iif/We-P^r^s in
the Winter they are an Incum-
brance to the Play-Hotije^ and
the Ballaft of the Drawings
Room 5 the Streets all this
while are fo weary of thefe
daily Faces, that Mens Eyes
are over-laid with them 5 the
fight is glutted with fine things
as the Stomach with fweet
ones 5 and when a fair Lady
will give too much ofherfelf
to the Worlds (he groweth
lufhious, and oppreileth in-
ftead of pleafing.

Thefe Jolly Ladies do fb
continually feek Diverfion^
that in a little time they grow
into a Jeajt^ yet are unwilling
to remember^that if they were
feldomer feen they would
not be fo often laughed at--,

befides.

DIFERSIONS. 159

befides, they make themfelves
Cheapo than which there can-
not be an nnkinder word be-
ftowed upon your Sex. To
play fometimes, to entertain
Cor/ipany^ or to divert your
ftlf, is not to be difallowed,
but to do it fo often as to be
called a Gamefler^ is to be a-
voided, next to the things that
are moft CriminaLlt hath Con-
fequences of fever d kinds not
to be indured 5 it will ingage
you into a habit oHdlemfs and
7llhoTtrs^Ax2iW you into ill mix-
ed Company^ make you negled
your Civilities abroad, and
your hiijinefs at home, and im-
pofc into your Acquaintance
fuch as will do you no Credit.
To deep VUy there will be yet
greater ObjelJions 3 it will

give

1 6o Advice to A DuHghter,

give Occajion to the World
to ask fpitefnl ^ejlions^
how you dare venture to
lofe^ and what means you
have to pay fuch great fums.
If you pay exadtly^ it v/ill
be enquired from whence
the money cometh , if you
owe, and efpecially to a
Man, you muft be fo very
Civil to him for his for-
bearance, that it layeth a
ground of having it farther
improved if the Gentleman
is fo difpofed, who will be
thought no unfair Creditor^ if
where the Ejiate faileth he
feizeth upon the Perfon s be-
fides, if a Lady could fee her
own Face upon an ill Game^
at a deep Stake, fhe would
certainly forfwear any thing

that

DANCING. i6i

that could put her looks un-
der fuch a Difadvantage.

DANCING.

TO Dance fometimes will
not be imputed to you
as a fault, but remember that
the end of your Learning it,
was, that you might know
the better how tomove^r^<:e-
fHllj 5 it is only an advantage
fo far 5 when it goeth beyond
it, one may cdllitexcellingm
a Miftake, which is no very
great Commendation : It is
better for a Woman never to
Dance^ becaufe {he hath no
^illinit, than to doit too
I often*^

1 62 Advice U a DoHghter.
often, becaufe (he doth it
well 5 the eafieft as well as
thefafeft Method of doing it,
is in private Companies^ as a-
mon^{i particular Friends^ and
then carelefly, like a Diver-
fion^ rather than with Solem-
nity^ asif it was bufinefi, or
had any thing in it to deferve
a Months preparation by feri-
ous Conference with a Dance-
ing'Mafter.

Much more might be faid
to all thefe heads, and many
more might be added to
them 5 but I muft reftrain my
thoughts, which are full of
my Dear Child, and would
overflow into aVolume,which
would not be fit for a New-
Tears-Gift. I will conclude
with my warmeft Wiflies for

all

DAisrcmG. 165

all that is good to you, that
you may Uve fo as to be an
Ornament to your Family^and
a Pattern to your Sex, that
you may be blefled with a
Husband that may value^,
and with Children that may
inherit your Vertue^ that you
may fliine in the World by a
true Light, and filence Envy
by deferving to be efteemed,
that Wit and Vertue may both
eonlpire to make you a great
Figure s when they are Separa-
ted, the firft is fb empty,
and the other fo faint, that
they fcarce have right to be
commended : May they there-
fore meet and never part 5 let
them be your Guardian An-
gels, and be fore never to
ftray out of the diftance of

their

l6^ Advice U a Dangler.

their joint-proteftion : May
you fo raife your ^arafter,
that you may help to make
the next Age a better thing,
and leave Pofterity in your
Debt for the advantage it
(hall receive by your Exam*
pie : Let me conjure you. My
JOeareJi^ to comply with this
kind Ambition of a Father,
whoft thoughts are (b ingaged
in your behalf, that he rec-
koneth your Happinefi to be
the greateft part of his own.

FINIS.

NO

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.N

5?^

#M

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^

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^

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l^<^

to.

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