Narrative of the conversion of Rev. Halo Lal Mukerjee

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REV. HARO LAL MUKERJEE.

"The Lord is gracious and full of compassion ; slow to
anger, and of great mercy."

The above text is entirely adapted to my case.
The Lord has dealt with me graciously, patiently, and
mercifully. Born and brought up as I was in an idol-
atrous and highly superstitious, though very respect-
able, Brahmaa family in Bengal, in the district of
Burdwan, I had a great obstacle to the saving know-
ledge of Christ, for I had from my infancy such views
instilled into my mind, that when i came of age I
looked upon Christians as " Mlechchhas" ( ie , people
who are of low origin, and are destitute of internal
aiid external purity), and their rehgion as a human
fabrication, got up and propagated with a view to bring
down the high and respectable distinctions, maintained
in societies, to their low level. I was, therefore, averse
to Christianity, and spared no argument against it.
I was known in my school as one of the bitterest op-
ponents of Christianity, and when my honored teacher,
Rev. R. C. Bose, M. A., received my letter from Bengal,
he was astonished to find that I was going to embrace
the religion for which I had shown no sympathy before
him. Thank God ! who can change the stony heart, and
is willing and ready to save the vilest sinner in the
world. Indeed, "nothing is impossible with God."
O, how the Lord bore patiently with my obstinacy, and
taking compassion on me left me not to myself to perish,
but guided me by His Holy Spirit, that I might be
saved. Glory be to God !

A short description of how my faith in Hinduism
was shaken ; what religion in its place I tried to sub-
stitute ; what means I adopted to know the truth ; how
I came to the conclusion, that Christianity is the only
wa}'' appointed by God, by which salvation is attainable ;

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and how the assertion of the Lord, " my grace is suf-
ficient for thee," has been proved true in my casein
acceptance of His religion, and in overcoming the trials
and difficulties brought on me on that account, is given
below : —

It was the teachings in the Methodist Mission High
School at Shahjahanpur in North-West Provinces that
convinced me thoroughly of the folly of idolatry which I
clearly saw was insulting to reason and dishonoring to
God, and consequently it could not have been sanctioned
by Him. My honored teachers were Revs. J. David and
R. C. Bose, M. A. lam greatly indebted to them for their
kind instructions imparted to me with love.

Convinced of the impropriety of idolatry, I was made
uneasy, and the conviction of my safety in the shel-
ter of Hinduism being removed, I became anxious to
search after the truth, but how to find it out was a
question. It did not, however, take me long to find out
the way. I knew how my teachers asked God for help
and guidance every day before opening the school,
which seemed to me reasonable and proper, and I thought
that 1 could also adopt the same way, and that God would
surely hear and help me in finding the truth. I now be-
gan to pray in private every day, and to make inquiry
about the Vedic religion which I was repeatedly told by
my relations and Hindu friends was a revelation from
God and entirely free from idolatry. To my surprise I
found, however, ^rsi5, that although it may not teach the
worship of images, it is still a system of idolatry ; for it
teaches the worship of many gods and goddesses who
are generally objects and phenomena of nature deified,
and are sometimes even human beings exalted to high
rank, such as Indra, Yama, &c. ; these gods quarrel and
fight with one another, and are not ashamed of steahng,
lying, deceiving, and of even committing adultery of the
vilest description. Secondly, the hymns of the Rishis
are generally addressed for worldly prosperity. The
Rishis do not seem to feel the burden of sin, and con-
sequently no fervent desire is shown to be free from
it. The way of salvation from sin is not satisfactorily
taught. And thirdly, there is no evidence to sustain the

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claim that the Veds are revealed book's -a chaira of
very great importance. Such being the Vedic religion,
it is not adapted for rational beings and far less so for
sinners who, feeling the burden of sin, groan under it
and earnestly desire to be liberated from it.

Thus my expectation to find the truth in the Veds,
the pride of my countrymen, was frustrated, and I was
greatly disappointed. I asked God repeatedly whether
I had come to a right conclusion, and invariably 1 re-
ceived the answer in the affirmative. I now recoiled
from searching after the truth in Christianity, being
deeply prejudiced against it, although I felt often that
it could only be found in the revelation of Jesus. I
went on for a time, suppressing my feelings, and
trying to find rest in Natural religion, striving at the
same time to obey the dictates of my conscience as
minutely as I possibly could. At this time Mr. Bose
delivered two lectures in the City Hall at Shahjahanpur
on "The Defects of Natural religion, " and on " Con-
science not a safe guide of man," and proved to my
satisfaction the need of a revelation. JVIy hesitating
confidence in Natural religion and conscience was en-
tirely rooted out, and I resolved to accept Christianity,
if it could be proved to my satisfaction a revelation from
God.

-'• I now began to examine with scrutiny the argu-
ments in favour of Christianity made every day by Mr.
Bose in the class, and opposed him on every point he
brought forward in support of the Christian religiouj
so much so that he looked upon me as a most bigoted
Brahman in the entire grasp of darkness and bigotry,
and called me in the class in joke "Panditjee." But
my opposition to his arguments was never made with
a view to fight with him, but to find the truth. I in-
variably pondered over the arguments of the day at
the time of my evening walk, or at any time convenient
to me, and almost alw^ays his reasonings seemed satis-
factory. In this way I was slowly but surely prepared
for the acceptance of Christianity. I began loving Mr.
Bose and my Christian class-mates, and the religion
which they followed, although Mr. Bose never came to

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know about it till he received my note from Bengal,
acquainting him with the news of my conversion. So
my real feelings were not known to Mr. Bose, but at
home it was fully known that 1 was no more a Hindu,
for I repeatedly declared by word and deed that I had

ot the slightest confidence in Hinduism.

Pull five years' study and arguments in our Mission
High School prepared me to come to the conclusion, that
Christianity is the revelation given by God for the salva-
tion of mankind through the Lord Jesus Christ. When I
reached this conviction I had a short period of hesitancy
about accepting the truth, for I knew that by so doing
I would have to undergo a severe trial. I should have
to mar my future prospects. I had hope of securing a
good Government situation through the influence of
my father-in-law, under whose care I was, and who
was then Head Clerk in the Magistrate's office at Shah-
jahanpur, and afterwards Deputy Magistrate in different
places, and served satisfactorily under many Magis-
trates who were always kind to him and glad to do him
some favour. I knew that if I would embrace Christ-
ianity, he would not only withdraw bis helping hand
from me, but would try to add to ray troubles. I was
conscious that I should have to undergo the pain of ex-
pulsion from the society of all my relations and friends,
and home ; that I would have to cast my lot with those
whom I knew not ; and that people would laugh at me,
treat me contemptuously, and. if op^jortunity afforded,
would persecute me. Such fears made me hesitate to
accept Christianity. I thought that it would perhaps be
better to wait a few years till I would be in a good Gov-
ernment position, but no rest could I obtain from the
fact of uncertainty of life. Sometimes the thought would
come to my nind that I was quite mistaken, that Christ-
ianity was not a religion from God, and that it would be
foolishness on my part to expose myself to trouble for
nothing. But, I thank God, this sort of thought never
got a firm hold on me.

In this state of mind I left Shahjahanpur in De-
cember 1874 for Bengal, to spend my vacation days with

my relations. 1 stayed there about two months and a

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half, and trifled away about a month in play and chit-
chat with friends, giving little thought to my squan-
dering away the precious time 1 had for my preparation
for future life. 1 T^as awaliened, and determined not to
squander away my time any longer. I now devoted
much of my time to the study of the Bible and prayer.
In about three weeks the doubts about the truth of
Christianity, which had hovered around my mind for
some time, disappeared entirely, and I began to pray
for strength, courage, and determination for acceptance
of the truth. Tne gracious Lord soon prepared me to
fix a date for my departure to seek baptism. But I
did not know where to go, for I was not acquainted with
any missionary in Bengal. T knew, however, that in
Kalna, a commercial city on the river Hughlee, in the
district of Burdwan, there was a Mission High School ;
and as the station was only a few miles off from my
residence, I concluded that I would go there, where
I thought I would surely meet with a missionary. The
date fixed was drawing nigh, and my mind began to
be greatly troubled. Satan tried to retain me as his
prey, but through the grace of God 1 overcame him.
I started on the morning of the fixed day for Kalna,
my relations knowing nothing about my intentions.
Now came the heaviest trial for me to undergo.
Again and again I turned myself to have a last look at
the place I was leaving for ever. The thought of my
leaving all my relations, friends, community and future
prospects, in a word, the world itself, came to me with
a power quite unexperienced before, and was very hard
to resist. Often and often I felt a strong impulse to
return, but I took courage and continued praying for
grace. After about a mile's walk through a solitary
footpath, I found I could no longer press forward, so
I stood still and began to consider. In a moment I
received courage to press on, and walked a mile more.
Satan seemed defeated, butlo ! he attacked me this time
so severely, that I was about to return, I turned back-
ward a few steps, but soon halted, and resumed my
journey, but my feet seemed to give way. I sat down
and wept, and prayed earnestly for strength. My

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prayer was heard. I was so empowered now from on
high that Satan was thoroughly vanquished, and I
cheerfully left behind me the world with its pleasures,
rejoicing in the salvation I obtained through the Lord
Jesus Christ, and feeling secure under His protection.
It was, I felt, as surely as I live, the sustaining grace
of God that brought me out of the land of Egypt, — the
place of bondage and slavery. The remaining distance,
over a mile, I walked with a strength and joy peculiarly
felt, and reached the Mission house. I sent word to
Babu, now Rev B. N. Day who had sacrificed a great
deal for Christ, and the story of whose conversion
is very interesting and stimulating. He Was then
placed as superintendent over the boys' and girls'
schools, and general mission work at Kalna by the Free
Church of Scotland. Mr. Day received me very kindly
and cordially, and was glad to hear that my instructor
was Mr. Bose, who was long ago one of his pupils in the
Free Church Institution in Calcutta. I went for a bath
in the river Hughlee, flowing close by his house. I soon
reached the bank of the river, took and tore off my
" janau " (the sacred Brahmanical thread ), threw it
into the bushes growing on the bank of the river, and
had a refreshing bath, no more with the delusion of
having my sins washed away by the stream of the river.
On return I entered the dining-room and found a tall,
black, and bearded man waiting to serve at the table. I
at once made out that he was a Mohamedan, and the food,
although delicious, I had to press down my throat ; but
when the dinner was served, I was delighted to find
lobsters in my plate, and, as true Bengali, seemed to
forget about the person who had cooked them. My
kind host entertained me for two days, and as he was
then a lay missionary, sent me to Mohanad, a town in the
district of Burdwan, occupied by the Free Church of
Scotland. Here I found Rev. J. D. Bhattacharjee, a
Brahman convert. He has been richly blessed by the
Lord in the work committed to him. He was glad to
hear that I was a pupil of Mr. Bose whose teacher he
was in the Free Church Institution in Calcutta. He re-
ceived me kindly, but said to me plainly that he would

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not baptize me until, after keeping me on trial, it might
be for six moDths, he would be convinced of my sin-
cerity, and thit I was at liberty to submit to his propos-
al or go wherever I pleased. This indifferent way of
reception at a time when I had no friend in the world
to sympathize with me, made me greatly disheartened,
but I readily submitted to his proposal.

A few days after my stay at Mohanad I informed
my relations and Mr. Bose of my intentions, and soon
after I found my dear aunt in the Mission compound.
Sad and worn out as if bereaved of a dearly beloved ob-
ject, she tried to win me not by arguments but by tears,
and the following personal afflictions : — She took her seat
under a tree beside the public road passing by the Mis-
sion compound, exposed herself to the weather, and
would not accept any food. With the greatest of dif-
ficulty I succeeded in persuading her to take some food,
and sleep under a thatch, put up by a petty shopkeeper
on one of the sides of tbe road, for she would not stay
in the dwelling of a Christian. In this condition she
spent fully two days, and left tbe place crying bitterly.
A few days after she came again, bringing my uncle
with her, and did exactly as she had done before. Again
and again she came, and her affection was so strong
that she did not stop coming even after my receiving
baptism. I tried my best that she might accompany
me, but she very reasonably replied that she would be
too glad to do so if she could see as clearly the defects
in the religion of her forefathers and know Christianity
as well as I did.

As soon as my letter reached my father-in-law at
Shahjahanpur, he sent me a telegram, requesting me to
postpone accepticg baptism till I would hear from him.
He thought of starting for Mohanad at once, but his
relations and friends advised him not to do so, for as he
had sometime before an attack of melancholy, they fear-
ed that he might have had another attack of it if he had
failed to prevail on me, and I thanked God he did not
come. 1 was very sorry to hear afterwards that his
mind was in a very disordered state when he came to
know from me the news of my baptism. His letter fol-

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lowed the telegram immediately, which was full of love
and entreaty. I answered him as affectionately as I
could, communicating the news of my accepting baptism.
An answer full of cursing and abuse came, such as I
had never expected from him, strictly forbidding me to
hold any further communication with him. He has since
kept himself entirely aloof from me.

Mr. Bose wrote me a very encouraging and kind
letter, and held regular correspondence with Mr. Bhat-
tacharjee and me. Mr. Bhattacharjee wrote to Rev. Mr.
Buck, then Principal of the Mission High School at
Shahjahanpur, asking his permission to send me to him
for baptism as I was the fruit of his labour ; but Mr.
Buck replied to him that he would look upon my baptism
administered by Mr. Bhattachirjee as administered
by himself. So I was baptized by Mr. Bhattacharjee
in April 1875, in the twenty-fifth year of my age. Rev.
Mr. Parker ( then and now ) our Presiding Elder, Mr.
Buck and Mr. Bose consulted together, and thought it
best to send for me, and I came back to Shahjahanpur
in June 1875, not to live again under the roof of my dear
father-in-law, but under the roof of my affectionate
teacher Mr. Bose, to whom and Messrs. Parker and
Buck I am indebted for ever for their very kind treat-
ment. I received an appointment in our Mission High
School, and have since been in mission service.

When I was to leave Mohanad and start for Shah-
jahanpur, I went to say good- bye to some of my rela-
tives and friends in Bengal. I was surprised to find
sincere tokens of affection shown me by them. One of
my relations sat by me and wept like a child, and a
neighbour of mine did exactly in the same way. It was
beyond my expectation to find them so doing. And not
only so but nearly all the influential members of my
community unanimously agreed to take me back, on
condition of my denial of the fact of my baptism. They
knew very well that I had lived and eaten with the
Christians, and yet they, although very bigoted Brah-
mans, were ready to break their caste, simply because
they did not like to lose me from their community.
Some of them caught hold of me, threw the janau (Brah-

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manical thread) on my shoulder, and folding their
hands entreated me not to break it. They kept on per-
suading me for two days with very kind and affec
tionate expressions to renounce Christianity and come
back to them ; but when they found me too hard to be
won, they treated me with scorn and left me. Here I
had to undergo another heavy trial, but [ thank God I
was all along as firm as a rock through His sustaining
grace

I cannot conclude this my humble narrative without
mentioning how God in His providence has taken care
of me and blessed me abundantly with temporal as well
as spiritual blessings. I left all that were dear to me
for Christ, and He has never left me in want. He has
been richly supplying me with all the necessaries of life.
How true is His word, " But seek ye first the Kingdom
of God, and His righteousi ess ; and all these things
shall be added unto you." And above all He has bles-
sed me richly with spiritual blessings. There was a
time when I was in darkness and in the valley of the
shadow of death, being a prey of sin, Satan, and selfish-
ness ; when my heart was full of evil, my mind
uneasy, and the thought of death and of judgment was
appalling, having no hope for future felicity, but rather
apprehension for eternal condemnation, being at con-
stant rebellion with God. But, now I thank God, I
have been brought to light nnd life, have been set
at liberty by Christ from the bondage and dominion of
sin and Satan, and have received a clean heart and the
sweet assurance of all my sins teing forgiven. No
more I look upon death as an object of dread, but I
consider him a friend who would take me to my Father
and to eternal felicity in heaven. No more 1 ano afraid
of judgment, dear Christ being my righteousness. lam
no longer in a state of rebellion against God, but have
been reconciled to Him ; my selfishness and self have
been crucified with Christ, and I live, not to do my will,
but to do the will of my Father, who showed His love to
me by giving His dearly beloved Son for my salvation.
In a word, I am through the grace of God enjoying
heaven on earth. How true I find in my experience

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the word of my Saviour, "Verily I say unto you, there
is no man that hath left houses or parents, or brethren,
or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God's sake,
who shall not receive manifold more in this present
time, and in the world to come life everlasting." Praise,
and honor, and glory be to Him with the Father and
the Holy Sprit for ever and ever ! Amen.