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lilNCOIiN'S   ANECDOTES 


A  complete  CoUectiou  of  the  Anecdote.  Stories  and  Pithy  Sayings  of  the  late 
Abraham  lineoln.  16th  President  of  the  United  States. 
""rTf  A*"'    ^"^'•'*'*-^"»N.     -05     FULTON    STREET,    NEW    YORK 


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EXPLANATION  TO  THE  READER. 
The  universal  curiosity  to  see  all  the  stories  told  and  the  nu- 
merous pithy  sayings  uttered  by  the  late  Abraham  Lincoln, 
16th  President  of  the  United  Statps,  has  induced  the  publisher 
to  have  the  present  collection  prepared.  It  embraces,  he  be- 
lieves, all  the  authentic  anecdotes  and  stories  and  is  probably 
the  first  publication  ever  made  CKclusively  devoted  to  Humor- 
ous Stories  delivered  by  a  Chief  Jiagistrate  under  circumstancea 
so  remarkable  and  which  impart  to  them  an  extraordinary  in- 
terest. They  will  be  read  and  re-read  by  thousands  and  tens 
of  thousands  all  over  the  world,  now  that  they  are  thus  brought 
together  ia  a  convenient  form. 


Entered  according  to  act  of  congress  in  the  tear  18C7  by 
C.  Mathews  in  the  clerk's  office  of  the  district  court  for 

THE  SOUTHERN  DISTRICT  OF  NeW  YoRK. 


JZ-^izoii^ 


^       LmCOLN'S  ANECDOTES. 


"  Takes  His  Own  Life." 

The  compiler  of  the  **Dictiouary  of  Congress"  states 
that  while  preparing  that  work  for  publication,  in  1858, 
he  sent  to  Mr.  Lincoln  the  usual  request  for  a  sketch  of 
his  life,  and  received  the  following  reply  : 

"Born,  February  12th,  1807,  in  Harden  Co.,  Ky. 

**  Education  defective. 

**  Profession  a  lawyer. 

"Have  been  a  captain  of  volunteers  in  Black  Hawk 
war. 

*'  Postmaster  at  a  very  small  office. 

"Four  times  a  member  of  the  Illinois  LegislaturtN 
and  was  a  member  of  the  Iowa  House  of  Congress. 

Youra,  &c., 

A.  Lincoln. 

How  He  Eamel  His  First  Dollar. 
"  I  WAS  about  eighteen  years  of  age,"  said  the  Presi- 
dent. "  I  belonged,  you  know,  to  what  they  call  down 
south  "the  scrubs ;"  peopla  who  do  not  own  slaves  aro 
nobody  there.  But  we  had  succeeded  in  raising,  chiefly 
by  my  labor,  sufficient  produce,  as  I  thought,  to  justify 
me  in  taking  it  down  the  river  to  sell. 


(( 


After  much  persuasion,  I  got  the  consent  of  mother 
to  go,  and  constructed  a  little  flatboat,  large  enough  to 
take  a  barrel  or  two  of  things,  that  we  had  gathered, 
with  myself  and  little  bundle,  down  to  New  Orleans. 
A  steamer  was  coming  do^ni  the  river.  We  have  you 
know,  no  wharves  on  the  Western  streams  ;  and  the  cus- 
tom was,  if  passengers  were  at  any  of  the  landings,  for 
them  to  go  out  in  a  boat,  the  steamer  stopping  and  tak- 
ing them  aboard. 

"I  was  contemplating  my  new  flatboat,  and  wonder- 
ing whether  I  could  make  it  stronger  or  improve  it  in 
any  i)articular,  when  two  men  came  down  to  the  shore 


6  LINCOLN'S    ANECDOTES. 


brother  asked  me  what  I  did  that  for.  I  told  him  I 
didn't  want  the  old  horse  bitten  in  that  way.  "Why/' 
said  my  brother,  '*  thafs  all  that  made  him  go  !  "  '*  Now," 
said  Mr.  Lincoln,  ''if  Mr. ,  has  a  presidential  chin- 
fly  biting  him,  I'm  not  going  to  knock  him  off,  if  it  will 
only  make  his  department  go" 

The  Hoop-less  Girl. 
A  POOB  girl  in  a  scanty  but  neat  dress,  came  to  him 
one  day  imploring  forgiveness  and  pardon  for  her 
brother,  who  had  been  sentenced  to  be  shot,  for  deser- 
tion. "My  poor  girl,"  said  he,  "you  have  come  here 
with  no  governor,  or  senator,  or  member  of  congress, 
to  plead  your  cause.  You  seem  honest  and  truthful ; 
and  you  don't  wear  hoops,  and  I  viU  be  whipped,  but  I  will 
pardon  your  brother." 


"What  do  you  think  Mr.  President,  is  the  reason 
General  McCloud  does  not  reply  to  the  letter  from  the 
Chicago  Convention  ?"  j 

"  Oh  !"  replied  Mr.  Lincoln,  with  a  characteristic 
twinkle  of  the  eyes,  "^e  is  intrenching  T 

A  Blunderbus. 

Speakeng  of  President  Polk  quoting  a  certain  opin 
ion  of  Jefferson's  he  said  :    [That  this  opinion  of  Mr. 
Jefferson,  in  one  branch  at  least,  is,  in  the  hands  of  Mr. 
Polk,  like  McFingal's  gun,  "Bears  wide  and  kicks  the 
owner  over." 

Won't  Treat  His  Driver. 

"I  WAS  once  travelling  out  in  Illinois,  when  my  driver 
halted  his  team  before  a  tavern." 

"Goin'  to  treat,  Mr.  Lincoln,"  said  John. 

"I  do  not  drink,"  said  I,  not  wishing  to  be  detained 
at  such  an  early  stage  of  my  journey. 

"Let  me  have  a  chew,  then  !" 

"I  never  use  tobacco,  my  friend." 

"Look  a  here,  sir,"  said  he.  "If  a  fetah  has  no 
small  vices,  I  have  always  noticed  that  he  makes  up  for 
it  in  big  ones." 

Eoot  Hog  or  Die. 

"Among  the  stories  freshest  in  my  mind,"  says  Car- 
penter in  his  entertaining  sketch,  "was  one  which  he 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


related  to  me  shortly  after  its  occurence,  belonging  to  the 
history  of  the  famous  interview  on  board  the  Race  Queeuy 
at  Hampton  Eoads,  between  himself  and  Secretary 
Seward,  and  the  Rebel  Peace  Commissioners.  *'You 
see,"  said  he,  **we  had  reached  and  were  discussing  the 
slavery  question.  Mr.  Hunter  said,  substantially,  that 
the  slaves,  sdways  accustomed  to  an  overseer,  and  to 
work  upon  compulsion,  suddenly  freed,  as  they  would 
be  if  the  South  should  consent  to  peace  on  the  basis  of 
the  "Emancipation  Proclamation,"  would  precipitate 
not  only  themselves,  but  the  entire  Southern  society 
into  irremediable  ruin.  No  work  would  be  done, 
nothing  could  be  cultivated,  and  both  blacks  and  whites 
would  starve !"  I  waited  for  Seward  to  answer  tha*'. 
argument,  but  as  he  was  silent,  I  at  length  said  :  "Mr. 
Hunter,  you  ought  to  know  a  great  deal  better  about  this 
matter  than  I,  for  you  have  always  lived  under  the  slave 
system.  I  can  only  say,  in  reply  to  your  statement  of 
the  Cftse,  that  it  reminds  me  of  a  man  out  in  Hlinois, 
by  the  nabae  of  Case,  who  undertook  a  few  years  ago,  to 
raise  a  very  large  herd  of  hogs.  It  was  a  great  trouble 
to  feed  them,  and  how  to  get  around  this  was  a  puzzle  to 
hi  mi  At  length  he  hit  upon  the  plan  of  planting  an  im- 
mense field  of  potatoes,  and,  when  they  were  sufficiently 
grown,  he  turned  the  whole  herd  into  the  field,  and  let 
them  have  full  swing,  thus  saving,  not  only  the  labor  of 
feeding  the  hogs,  but  also  that  of  digging  the  potatoes  ! 
Charmed  with  his  sagacity,  he  stood  one  day  leaning 
against  the  fence,  counting  his  hogs,  when  a  neighbor 
came  along.  "Well,  well/'  said  he,  "Mr.  Case,  this  is 
all  very  fine.  Your  hogs  are  doing  very  well  just  now, 
but  you  know  out  here  in  Illinois  the  frost  comes  early, 
and  the  ground  freezes  for  a  foot  deep.  Then  what  are 
they  going  to  do  ?  "  This  was  a  view  of  the  matter, 
Mr.  Case  had  not  taken  into  account.  Butchering-time 
for  hogs  was  way  on  in  December  or  January  I  He 
scratched  his  head,  and  at  length  stammered  out.  *  'Well, 
it  may  come  pretty  hard  on  their  snouts,  but  I  don't  see 
but  that  it  will  be  '  root  hog  or  die  .' '  " 

Colonel  Moody's  "Little  Story  of  Andy  Johnson." 
**I  had  a  visit  last  night  from  Coh  Moody,  *  the  fight- 


8 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


mg  Methodist  Parson, '  as  he  is  called  in  Tennessee      He 
IS  on  his  way  to  the  Philadelphia  Conference,  and  beinff 
m  Washin|;-ton  over  night,  came  up  to  see  me.     He  told 
me  this  story  of  Andy  Johnson  and  General  Buel,  which 
interested  me  intensely.     Col.  Moody  was  in  Nashville 
the  day  that  it  was  reported  that  Buel  had  decided  to 
evacuate  the  city.      The    rebels,    strongly  re-inforced 
were  said  to  be  within  two  days'  march  of  the  Capitol' 
Of  course  the  city  was  greatly  excited.     Said  Moody    «*i 
went  in  search  of  Johnson,  at  the  edge  of  the  evening 
and  found  him  in  his  office,  closeted  with  two  gentle! 
men,  who  were  walking  the  floor  with  him,  one  on  each 
side.     As  I  entered,  they  retired  leaving  me  alone  with 
Johnson,  who  came  up  to  me,  manifesting  intense  feel- 
ing,   and  said,   -Moody,   we  are  sold  out!    Buel  is  a 
traitor  !    He  is  going  to  evacuate  the  city,  and  in  fortv 
eight  hours  we  shaU  aU  be  in  the  hands  of  the  rebels  I  " 
Then  he  commenced  pacing  the  room  again,   twisting 
his  hands,  and  chafing  like  a  caged  tiger,  utterly  insen- 
sible to  his  friend's  intreaties  to  become  calm.    Suddenly 
he  turned  and  said,   "  Moody,  can  you  pray  ?  "    ♦'  That's 
my  business,  sir,  as  a  minister  of  the  gospel,"  returned 
the  Col.     -  WeU,  Moody,  I  wiph  you  would  pray,"  said 
Johnson ;   and  instantly  botl^  went    down   upon  their 
knees,  at  opposite  sides  of  the  room.     As  the  prayer  be 
came  fervent,  Johnson  began  to  respond  in  true  Metho- 
dist style.     Presently  he  crawled  over  on  his  hands  and 
knees  to  Moody's  oide,  and  put  his  arm  over  him  mani- 
festing the  deepest  emotion.    Closing  the  prayer  with 
a  hearty  -  Amen  "  from  each,  they  arose.    Johnson  took 
a  long  breath,  and  said,  with   emphasis.       "Moody    I 
feel  better!"    Shortly  afterwards  he  asked,   ''will  you 
stand  be  me  ?  '-     -Certainly,  I  will,"  was  the  answer 
''WeU,   Moody,  I  can  depend  upon  you.     You  are  one 
m  a  hundred  thousand  !  "    He  then  commenced  pacing 
the  floor  again.     Suddenly  he  wheeled,  the  current  of 
his  thought  having  changed,  and  said:     *'  Oh  !  Moody 
I  don't  want  you  to  think  I  have  become  a  religious  man 
because  I  asked  you  to  pray.     I  am  sorry  to  say  it,  but 
I  am  not,  and  never  pretended  to  be  religious.     No  one 
knows  this  better  than  you  ;  but,  Moody,  there  is  one 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


thing  about  it — I  do  believe  in  Almighty  God  !  and  I. 
believe  also  in  the  Bible,  and  I  say  damn  me,  if  Nashville 
shall  he  surrendered  !    And  Nashville  teas  not  surrendered! " 

No  Influence. 

Judge  BAiiDWiN,  of  California,  solicited  a  pass  of 
General  Halleck  one  day.  "  We  have  been  deceived  too 
often,"  said  Halleck,  *'and  I  regret  I  can't  grant  it. " 
Baldwin  applied  to  Stanton  with  the  same  success.  He 
then  solicited  it  of  Mr.  Lincoln.  "Have  you  apphed 
to  Halleck,"  inquired  the  President.  "Yes,  and  met 
with  a  flat  refusal,"  said  the  Judge.  **  Then  you  must 
see  Stanton,"  continued  the  President.  "  I  have,  and 
with  the  same  result,"  vas  the  reply.  "Well,  then," 
said  Mr.  Lincoln,  with  a  smile,  "I  can  do  nothing  ;  for 
you  must  know  that  I  have  very  Utile  influence  with  this  Ad- 
ministration.^' 

Dan  Webster's  Dirty  Hand. 

On  the  occasion  of  a  Simday  School  procession  pass 
ing  the  North  side  of  the  White  House  reviewed  before 
Mr.   Lincoln,   he  told  the  Hon.  Mr.   Odell  the  follow- 
ing : 

"I  heard  a  story  last  night  about  Daniel  Webster 
when  a  lad,  which  was  new  to  me,  and  it  has  been  run- 
ning in  my  head  all  the  morning.  When  quite  young, 
at  school,  Daniel  was  one  day  guilty  of  a  gross  violation 
of  the  rules.  He  was  detected  in  the  act,  and  called  up 
by  the  teacher  for  punishment.  This  was  to  be  the  old- 
fashioned  "  feruling"  of  the  hand.  His  hands  happened 
to  be  very  dirty.  Knowing  this,  on  his  way  to  the 
teacher's  desk  he  spit  upon  the  palm  of  his  right  hand, 
wiping  it  off  upon  the  side  of  his  pantaloons.  "Give 
me  your  hand,  sir,"  said  the  teacher  very  sternly.  Out 
went  the  right  hand,  partly  cleansed.  The  teacher  look- 
ed at  it  a  moment,  and  said;  "  Daniel,  if  you  will  find 
another  hand  in  this  school-room  as  filthy  as  that,  I  will 
let  you  off  this  time."  Instantly  from  behind  his  back 
came  the  left  hand.  "Here  it  is,  sir,"  was  the  reply. 
"  That  will  do,"  said  the  teacher,  "  for  this  time.  You 
can  take  your  seat,  sir  !  " 

"Major  General  I  Eeckon." 
A  NEW  levy  of  troops  re(iuired,  on  a  certain  occasion, 


w  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


the  appointment  of  a  large  additional  number  of  briga- 
dier and  major-generals.  Among  the  immense  number 
of  applications,  Mr.  Lincoln  came  upon  one  wherein  the 
claims  of  a  certain  worthy  (not  in  the  service  at  all), 
"for  a  generalship  "  were  glowingly  set  forth.  But  the 
applicant  didn't  specify  whether  he  wanted  to  be  briga- 
dier or  major  general.  The  President  observed  this 
difficulty,  and  solved  it  by  by  a  lucid  indorsement.  The 
clerk,  on  receiving  the  paper  again,  found  written  across 
its  back,  " Major  General,  I  reckon.  A.  Lincoln." 
The  Long  and  Short  of  It. 

It  is  said  that  on  the  occasion  of  a  serenade,  the  Presi- 
dent was  called  for  by  the  crowd  assembled.  He  ap- 
peared at  a  window  with  his  wife  (who  is  somewhat  be- 
low the  medium  height),  and  made  the  following  "brief 
remarks:''  "I  am  here  and  here  is  Mrs.  Lincoln.  That's 
the  long  and  the  short  of  it." 

The  Second  Coming  of  Our  Lord. 

Soon  after  the  opening  of  Congress  the  Hon.  Mr. 
Shannon  from  California,  made  the  customary  call  at 
the  White  house.  In  the  conversation  that  ensued,  Mr. 
Shannon  said  "Mr.  President  I  met  an  old  friend  of  yours 
in  California  last  summer,  a  JMJr.  Campbell,  who  had  a 
good  deal  to  say  of  your  Springfield  Kfe."  "Ah  !"  re- 
turned Mr.  Lincoln,  "I  am  glaAto  hear  of  him.  Camp- 
bell used  to  be  a  dry  fellow  in  those  days,"  he  contin- 
ued. "  For  a  time  he  was  Secretary  of  State.  One  day 
during  the  legislative  vacation,  a  meek  cadaverous  man 
with  a  white  neckcloth,  introduced  himself  to  him  at 
his  office,  and  stating  that  he  had  been  informed  that 
Mr.  Campbell  had  the  letting  of  the  haU  of  representa- 
tives, he  wished  to  secure  it,  if  possible,  for  a  course  of 
lectures  he  desired  to  deliver  in  Springfield.  "  May  I 
ask,"  said  the  secretary,  "what  is  to  be  the  subject  of 
your  lecture  ?"  "  Certainly,"  was  the  reply,  with  a  very 
solemn  expression  of  countenance.  "  The  course  I  wish 
to  deliver  is  on  the  second  coming  of  our  Lord. "  It  is 
of  no  use,"  said  C,  "if  you  take  my  advice,  you  will  not 
waste  your  time  in  this  city.  It  is  my  private  opinion 
that,  if  the  Lord  has  been  in  Springfield  once.  He  will 
never  come  the  second  time  1" 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  11 


More  Pegs  than  Holes. 
SojiE  gentlemen  were  once  finding  fault  with  the  Pres- 
ident because   certain   Generals  were   not   given   com- 
mands.    "The  fact  is,"  replied  Mr.  Lincoln,    "I  have 
got  more  pegs  than  holes  to  put  them  in." 

Don't  Cross  Fox  Eiver  until  you  get  to  it. 
A  CLEEGYiiAN  from  Springfield,  Illinois,  being  in 
Washington  early  in  Mr.  Lincoln's  administration,  call- 
ed upon  him,  and  in  the  course  of  conversation  asked 
him  w^hat  was  to  be  his  policy  on  the  slavery  question. 
**  Well,"  said  the  President  "I  will  answer  by  telling 
you  a  story.  You  know  Father  B .  A  young  Metho- 
dist, was  worrying  about  Fox  River,  and  expressing  fears 
that  he  should  be  prevented  from  fulfilling  some  of  his 
engagements  by  a  freshet  in  the  river.  Father  B.  check- 
ed him  in  his  gravest  manner.  Said  he  :  '*  young  man, 
I  have  always  made  it  a  rule  in  my  life  uDt  to  cross  Fox 
river  till  I  get  to  it  1 "  **  And,"  added  Mr.  Lincoln,  "  I 
am  not  going  to  worry  mjself  over  the  slavery  question 
till  I  get  to  it." 

John  Morgan's  Death. 

Being  informed  of  the  death  of  John  Morgan,  he  said: 
**Well,  I  wouldn't  crow  over  anybody's  death  ;  but  I 
can  take  this  as  resignedly  as  any  dispensation  of  Provi- 
dence." 

The  Emancipation  Question. 

A  DISTINGUISHED  pubHc  oflSicer  being  in  Washington, 
in  an  interview  with  the  President,  introduced  the  ques- 
tion of  emancipation.  *'Well,  you  see,"  said  Mr.  Lin- 
coln, "we've  got  to  be  very  cautious  how  we  manage 
the  negro  question.  If  we're  not  we  shall  be  like  the 
barber  out  in  Illinois,  who  was  shaving  a  fellow  with  a 
hatchet  face  and  lantern  jaws  like  mine.  The  barber 
stuck  his  finger  in  his  customer's  mouth  to  make  his 
cheek  stick  out,  but  while  shaving  away  he  cut  through 
the  fellow's  cheek  and  cut  off  his  own  finder !  If  we  are 
not  veiy  careful,  we  shaU  do  as  the  barber  did !  " 

Don't  Shake  the  Eope. 
At  the  White  House  one  day  some   gentlemen  were 
present  from  the  West,  excited  and  troubled  about  the 


13  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES; 

commissions  or  omissions  of  the  Administration.  The 
President  heard  them  patiently  and  he  replied  : — **  Gen- 
tlemen, su23pose  all  the  property  you  were  worth  was  in 
gold,  and  you  had  put  it  in  the  hands  of  Blondin  to 
carry  across  the  Niagara  Kiver  on  a  rope,,  would  you 
shahe  the  cable,  or  keep  shouting  out  to  him  Blondin, 
stand  up  a  little  straighter — Blondin  stoop  a  little  more 
— go  a  little  faster — lean  a  little  more  to  the  North — lean  a 
little  more  to  the  South — No,  you  would  hold  your  breath  and 
your  tongues,  and  keep  your  hands  off  until  he  was  safe 
over.  The  Government  are  carrrying  an  immense 
weight.  Untold  treasures  are  on  their  hands,  they  are 
doing  the  very  best  they  can.  Don't  badger  them. 
Keep  silence  and  we  will  get  you  safe  across.  '* 

"  Pegging  "  Away, 

Being  asked  by  an  "anxious"  visitor  as  to  what  he 
would  do  in  "  certain"  contingencies — provided  the  re- 
bellion was  not  subdued  after  three  or  four  years  of  ef- 
fort on  the  part  of  the  Government — "Oh,"  said  the 
President  "there  is  no  alternative  hut  to  keep ''^ pegging 
away.''*  j 

About  Slavery  not  being  Dead. 

After  the  issue  of  the  Emancipation  Proclamation, 
Governor  Morgan,  of  New  York,  was  at  the  "White  House 
one  dav,  when  the  President  said: — "I  do  not  agree 
with  those  who  say  that  slavery  is  dead.  "We  are  like 
whalers  who  have  been  long  on  a  chase — we  have  at  last 
got  the  harpoon  into  the  monster,  but  we  must  now  look 
how  we  steer,  or,  with  one  "flap"  of  his  tail^  he  will  yet 
send  us  all  into  eternity  !" 

Jack  Chase. 

During  a  public  "reception,"  a  farmer  from  one  of 
the  border  couutiea  of  Virginia,  told  the  President  that 
the  Union  soldiers,  in  passing  his  farm,  had  helped 
themselves  not  only  to  hay,  but  his  horse,  and  he  hoped 
the  President  would  urge  the  proper  office  to  consider 
his  claim  immediately. 

Mr.  Lincoln  said  that  this  reminded  him  of  an  old  ac- 
quaintance of  his,  "  Jack  Chase/'  who  used  to  be  a  lum- 
berman on  the  Illinois,  a  steady,  sober  mar,  and  the  best 
raftsman  on  the  river.    It  was  quite  a  trick,  twenty -fiye 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  13 


yeai-s  ago,  to  take  the  logs  over  the  rapids  ;  but  he  was 
skillful  with  a  raft,  and  always  kept  her  straight  in  the 
channel.  Finally  a  steamer  was  put  on,  and  Jack  was 
made  captain  of  her.  He  always  used  to  take  the  wheel, 
going  through  the  rapids.  One  day  when  the  boat  was 
plunging  and  wallowing  along  the  bo^'Iing  current,  and 
Jack's  utmost  vigilance  was  being  exercised  to  keep  her 
in  the  channel,  a  boy  pulled  his  coat-tail,  and  hailed  him 
with— "Say,  Mister  Captain!  I  wish  you  would  just  stop 
your  boat  a  minute — I've  lost  my  apple  overboard  !" 
About  Explaining  Matters  in  the  Newspapers. 

The  President  was  once  speaking  about  an  attack 
made  him  on  bim  by  the  committee  on  the  conduct  of 
the  war  for  a  certain  alleged  blunder,  or  something 
worse,  in  the  South- West— the  matter  involved  being 
one  which  had  fallen  directly  under  the  observation  of 
the  official  to  whom  he  was  talking,  who  possessed  of- 
ficial evidence  completely  upsetting  all  the  conclusions 
of  the  committee. 

*'Mightitnot  be  well  for  me,"  queried  the  official, 
*'  to  set  this  matter  right  in  a  letter  to  some  paper, 
stating  the  facts  as  they  actually  transpired  ?" 

"Oh,  no,"  repUed  the  President,  "  at  least,  not  now. 
If  I  were  to  try  to  read,  much  less  answer,  all  the  attacks 
made  on  me,  this  shop  might  as  well  be  closed  for  any 
other  businesss.  I  do  the  very  best  I  know  how— the 
very  best  I  can  ;  and  I  mean  to  keep  doing  so  until  the 
end.  If  the  end  brings  me  out  all  right,  what  is  said 
again.it  me  won't  amount  to  anything.  If  the  end  brings 
me  out  wrong,  ten  angels  swearing  I  was  right  would 
make  no  diflerence." 

Illegal  Writs. 

A  GENTLEMAN  was  relating  to  the  President  how  a 
friend  of  his  had  been  driven  away  from  New  Orleans  as 
a  Unionist,  and  how,  on  his  expulsion,  when  he  asked  to 
see  the  writ  by  which  he  was  expelled,  the  deputation 
which  caUed  upon  him  told  him  that  the  Government 
had  made  up  their  minds  to  do  nothing  illegal,  and  so 
they  had  issued  no  illegal  writs,  and  simply  meant  to 
to  make  him  go  of  his  own  free  will.  "  Well"  said  Mr. 
Lincohi,  "  that  reminds  me  of  a  hotel-keeper  down  at 


I*  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


St.  Louis,  who  boasted  that  he  never  had  a  death  in  his 
hotel,  for  whenever  a  guest  vras  dying  in  his  house  he 
carried  him  out  to  die  in  the  gutter." 

Hanging  a  Man  for  Blowing  his  Nose  in  the  Street. 

One  evening  the  President  brought  a  couple  of  friends 
into  the  "State  dining-room"  to  see  Carpenter's  picture 
when  the  conversation  "reminded  him  of  the  following 
circumstance  ;  "  Judge ,"  said  he,  "  held  the  strong- 
est ideas  of  rigid  government  and  close  construction  that 
I  ever  met.  It  was  said  of  him  on  one  occasion  that  he 
would  hang  a  man  for  blowing  his  nose  in  the  street,  but 
he  would  quash  the  indictment  if  it  failed  to  specify 
which  hand  he  blew  it  with !" 


A  PKiEND  said  to  him  one  day  after  the  President  had 
told  him  of  his  purpose  to  make  a  call  for  more  troops, 
**  It  will  destroy  your  chance  for  re-election. "  "It  mat- 
ters not"  replied  Mr.  Lincoln,  "It  matters  not.  We 
must  have  the  men.  If  I  go  down  I  intend  to  go,  like  the 
Cumberland,  with  my  colors  flying." 

Patrick's  Boots. 
(Extract  from  "Speech:")  ,  To  lay  a  duty,  for  the  im- 
provement of  any  particular  harbor,  upon  the  tonnage 
coming  into  that  harbor  will  never  clear  a  greatly  ob- 
structed river.  The  idea  that  we  cculd,  involves  the 
same  absurdity  of  the  Irish  bull  about  the  new  boots  : 
"I  shall  never  get  *em  on,"  says  Patrick,  "tUlIwear 
'em  a  day  or  two,  and  stretch  'em  a  little." 

Turned  Out  to  Eoot. 
(Extract  from  a  speech  in  Congress  :)  Tho  other  day 
one  of  the  gentlemen  from  Georgia,  (Mr.  Iverson,)  an 
eloquent  man,  and  a  man  of  learning,  so  far  as  I  can 
judge,  not  being  learned  myself,  came  down  upon  us 
astonishingly.  He  spoke  in  what  a  certain  editor  calls 
a  "scathing  and  Beedliery  style."  At  the  end  of  his 
second  severe  flash  I  was  struck  blind,  and  found  myself 
feeling  with  my  fingers  for  an  assurance  of  my  continued 
physical  existence.  A  little  of  the  bone  was  left  and  I 
gradually  revived.  He  declared  we  had  deserted  all  our 
principles  and  had  turned  Harry  Clay  out,  like  an  old 


>v 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  19 

horse,  to  root.  I  merely  -wish  to  ask  the  gentleman  if 
the  Wliigs  are  the  only  party  he  can  think  of,  who 
sometimes  turn  old  horses  out  to  root  ?  Is  not  a  certain 
Martin  Van  Biiren  an  old  horse,  which  your  own  party 
have  turned  out  to  root  !  and  is  he  not  rooting  a  little 
to  your  discomfort  'bout  now  1 

Abraham  as  a  Warrior. 

Black  Hawk  Wab. — Commenting  in  a  Congressional 
speech  during  the  canvass  of  1848,  \i-pon.  the  effects  of 
General  Cass's  biographers  to  exalt  their  idol  into  a 
military  hero,  he  thus  alluded  to  an  episode  in  his  own 
life: 

By  the  way,  Mr.  Speaker,  did  you  know  I  am  a  mili- 
tary  hero  ?     Yes,  sir,  in  the  days  of  the  Black  Hawk 

war,  I  fought,  bled,  and came  away  I     Speaking  of 

General  Cass's  career,  reminds  me  of  my  own.  I  was 
not  at  Stillman's  defeat,  but  I  was  about  as  near  it  as 
Cass  to  HuU's  surrender,  and  like  him,  I  saio  the  place 
very  soon  afterward.  It  is  quite  certain  I  did  not  break 
my  sword,  for  I  had  none  to  break,  but  I  bent  my 
musket  pretty  badly  on  one  occasion.  If  Cass  broke  his 
sword,  the  idea  is,  he  broke  it  in  desperation ;  I  bent 
the  musket  by  accident.  If  General  Cass  went  in  ad- 
vance of  me  in  picking  wortleberries,  I  guess  I  sur- 
passed him  in  charges  upon  wild  onions !  If  he  saw  any 
live  fighting  Indians,  it  was  more  than  I  did,  but  I  had 
a  good  many  bloody  struggles  with  the  musquetoes,  and 
although  I  never  fainted  from  loss  af  blood,  I  can  truly 
say  I  was  often  very  hungry  1 

Mr.  Speaker,  should  I  ever  conclude  to  doff  whatever 
our  Democratic  friends  may  suppose  there  is  of  black- 
cockade  Federalism  about  me,  and,  thereupon,  they 
should  take  me  up  as  their  candidate  for  the  Presidency, 
I  protest  that  they  shaU  not  make  fun  of  me  as  they 
have  of  General  Cass,  by  attempting  to  write  me  into  a 
military  hero  ! 

Extract  from  Speech  after  the  Fall  of  Eichmond. 
I  propose   now  closing  up  by  requesting  that  your 
band  play  •« Dixie."     I  thought   "Dixie"  one  of  the 
best  tunes  I  ever  heard.    I  insisted  yesterday  that  W6 


19  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

had  fairly  captured  it !  I  presented  the  question  to  the 
Attorney  General,  and  he  gave  it  as  his  opinion  that  it 
is  our  lawful  prize.  I  ask  the  band  to  give  us  a  good 
turn  upon  it. 

Hatching  the  Egg. 

Concede  that  the  new  Government  of  Louisiana  is 
only  what  it  should  be,  as  the  egg  to  the  fowl,  we  shall 
s-ooner  have  the  fowl  by  hatching  the  egg,  than  by 
smashing  it. 

A  Sure  Dream. 

"Geneeati,  have  you  heard  from  General  Sherman," 
said  he  to  Grant. 

*'I  have  not,  but  I  am  hourly  expecting  dispatches 
from  him,  announcing  the  surrender  of  Johnson." 

''"Well,"  said  Mr.  Lincoln,  ''you'll  hear  very  soon,  snd 
the  news  will  be  important." 

" "Why  do  you  think  so,"  said  the  General, 

**  Because,"  said  the  President,  **I  had  a  dream  last 
night,  and  ever  since  the  war  began  I  have  invariably 
had  the  same  dream  before  any  very  important  military 
event  has  occurred.  It  is  in  your  line,  too,  Mr.  Wells. 
The  dream  is  tliat  I  saw  a  ship  sailing  very  rapidly,  and 
I  am  sure  that  it  portends  some  imjiortant  national 
event.  I  had  the  same  dream  on  the  eve  of  Antietam, 
Gettysburgh,  etc. 


'*  If  Jeff  Davis  is  the  head  of  the  Rebellion,"  said  Mr. 
Lincohi  to  an  army  officer,   "Humphrey  Marshall  is  its 
paunch,  and  Eloyd  and  Wise  its  legs  !" 
The  Democratic  Ox-&ad. 

Speaking  of  the  unconstitutional  career  of  General 
Cass  in  reference  to  the  Wilmot  Proviso,  he  said  : 
"When  the  question  was  agitated  in  1846,  General  Cass 
was  in  a  blustering  hurry  to  take  ground  for  it.  He 
sought  to  be  in  advance ;  but  soon  he  began  to  see 
glimpses  of  the  great  Democratic  ox-gad  waving  in  his 
face,  and  to  hear  distinctly  a  voice  saying,  "  back,  back, 
sir,  back  a  little."  He  shakes  his  head  and  bats  his 
eyes,  and^  blunders  back  to  his  position  of  March  '47  ; 
but  still  the  gad  waives,  and  the  voice  grows  irore  dis- 
tinct, and  sharper  still—'*  back  sir,  back  I  say  !  further 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  17 

back !  "  and  back  he  goes  to  the  position  of  December 
'47  ;  at  which  the  gad  is  still,  and  the  voice  soothingly 
says  ;  * '  So  !  stand  still  at  that  ! ' ' 

"Boarding  Out"  Your  Board  Bill. 
Eeferkeng  to  the  "charges"  of  General  Cass  upon  the 
Treasury,  he  continued:  "He  not  oiJy  did  the  labor 
of  several  men  at  the  same  time,  but  that  he  often  did  it, 
at  several  places  many  hundred  miles  apart,  at  the  same 
time.  And  at  eating,  too,  his  capacities  are  shown  to  be 
quite  as  wonderful.  From  October  21st,  to  May  22d,  he 
ate  ten  rations  a  day  in  Michigan,  ten  rations  a  day  here 
in  Washington,  and  nearly  five  dollars  worth  a  day  be- 
sides, partly  on  the  road  between  the  two  places.  And 
then  there  is  an  important  discovery  in  his  example — 
the  art  of  being  paid  for  what  one  eats,  instead  of  hav- 
ing to  pay  for  it.  Hereafter,  if  any  nice  young  man 
shall  owe  a  bill  which  he  cannot  pay  in  any  other  way, 
he  can  just  board  it  out!  Mr.  Speaker,  we  have  all  heard 
of  the  animal  standing  in  doubt  between  two  stacks  of 
hay  and  starving  to  death  ;  the  like  of  that  would  never 
happen  to  General  Cass.  Place  the  stacks  a  thousand 
miles  apart,  he  would  stand  stock  still,  mid- way  between 
them,  and  eat  them  both  at  once ;  and  the  green  grass 
along  the  line  would  be  apt  to  suffer  some  too  at  the 
same  time.  By  all  means,  make  him  President,  gentle- 
men. He  will  feed  you  bounteously — if,  if,  there  is 
any  left  after  he  shall  have  helped  himself  I  " 

The  Eugged  Eussian  Bear. 

In  his  speech  at  Chicago,  July  10th,  '58,  Douglas  used 
this  illustration  :  "I  shall  deal  with  this  allied  army 
just  as  the  Russians  dealt  with  the  alUes  at  Sebastopol, 
that  is,  the  Russians  did  not  stop  to  inquire,  when  they 
fired  a  broadside,  whether  it  hit  an  Englishman,  a 
Frenchman,  or  a  Turk.  Nor  will  I  stop  to  inquire 
whether  my  blows  hit  three  Republican  leaders  or  three 
allies,  who  are  holding  the  federal  offices,  and  yet  acting 
in  concert  with  them. " 

To  this  Mr.  Lincoln  replied:  ''Well,  now,  gentle- 
men, is  not  this  very  alarming  I  Just  to  think  of  it  I 
right  at  the  onset  of  his  canvass,  I,  a  poor,  kind,  ami- 


18  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

able,  intelligent  gentleman,  I  am  to  be  slain  in  this 
way.  Wliy,  my  friends,  the  Judge,  is  not  only,  as  it 
turns  out,  not  a  dead  lion,  nor  even  a  liviny  one — he  is  the 
rugged  Russian  Bear  !  I  beg  that  he  will  indulge  us 
while  we  barely  suggest  to  him  that  the  allies  took 
Sebastopol ! " 

Abraham  Lincoln  and  His  Barber. 

The  Springfield  (Illinois)  correspondent  of  the  Chica- 
go Times  contributes  the  following  interesting  reminis- 
cence : 

On  a  raw,  cold  evening  in  December,  1831,  a  man  pre- 
senting the  api3earance  of  a  very  light  mulatto,  being 
what  is  technically  called  a  quadroon,  stood  by  the  door 
of  a  log  cabin  in  the  town  of  New  Salem,  Sangamon 
county  (now  Menard),  in  this  state.  His  clothing  was 
travel-stained  and  considerably  dilapidated  ;  his  carriage 
was  erect ;  his  eye  clear  and  sparkling  with  the  vivacity 
of  La  Belle  France,  for  he  was  a  native  of  Hayti,  and  the 
blood  of  the  Creole  French  of  that  island  was  in  hia 
veins.  The  precursors  of  darkness  began  to  fall  upon 
the  sombre  scene,  the  shadow  of  the  woods  in  the  dis- 
tance to  lengthen  on  the  snow-clad  ground,  while  the 
gray  clouds,  surcharged  with  moisture,  and  behind 
which  the  sun  was  setting,  admonished  the  solitary 
Creole  that  he  must  seek  shelter,  and  that  rather  quick- 
ly, from  the  pitiless  peltings  of  a  coming  coming  storm. 

Lifting  his  eyes  to  take  another  survey  of  the  cold  and 
cheerless  prospect,  he  was  struck  by  the  appearance  of  a 
tall,  uncouth-looking  figure,  emerging  out  of  the  shadow 
of  the  wood  about  two  hundred  yards  from  where  he 
stood.  It  was  that  of  a  man  considerably  over  six  feet 
in  height,  carrying  an  ax  carelessly  slung  upon  his 
shoulder  ;  his  gait  was  slouching,  something  between  a 
lope  and  a  shamble  ;  he  stooped  considerably  ;  his  eyes 
were  bant  upon  the  ground  ;  his  disengaged  arm  hung 
carelessly  by  his  side,  and,  with  a  swinging  motion,  kept 
time  to  the  ungraceful  movement  of  his  body  ;  his  hair 
and  beard  were  long,  of  a  jet  black  color  and  apparently 
unkempt ;  he  had  a  red  woolen  cap  upon  his  head,  such 
as  was  then  worn  by  woodchoppers,  or  the  hired  help  of 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  19 

farmers  generally  ;  an  old  pair  of  blanket  leggings,  tied 
with  buckskin  thongs  above  the  knees  and  at  the  ankles, 
were  wound  about  the  calves  of  his  legs  ;  they  were  rusty 
with  age  and  ragged  with  use  in  the  brushwood  ;  a  rag- 
ged coat,  once  blue  or  black,  and  of  coarse  cloth,  was 
.bound  with  a  similar  thong  of  buckskin  about  his  waist. 

In  fact,   he  presented  the  appearance   of   an   ordinary 
backwoodsman. 

He  stopped  at  the  door  of  the  log  cabin,  which  was 
the  only  grocery  store  and  tavern  of  which  the  place 
could  boast — nodded  pleasantly,  after  the  fashion  of  the 
day,  to  the  Creole,  and  was  about  to  enter,  when  the 
latter  asked  him  how  far  it  was  to  Springfield.  The 
backwoodsman  told  him  the  distance  and  passed  in,  fol- 
lowed hesitatingly  by  the  traveller.  When  they  reached 
the  interior,  the  uncouth  backwoodsman  stepped  over 
the  large  oaken  bench  which  stood  in  front  of  the  fire, 
laid  down  his  ax,  and,  turning  his  back  to  the  huge  pile 
of  burning  logs  on  the  old-fashioned  hearth,  warmed 
himself,  stretching  out  his  lank  and  long  hands  to  the 
blaze  as  if  he  enjoyed  it  hugely. 

The  man  who  stood  with  his  back  to  the  log  fire  in 
that  primitive  hostelry,  on  that  gray  December  evening, 
was  Abraham  Lincoln,  the  future  President  of  the 
United  States,  and  the  author  of  the  great  emancipa- 
tion proclamation.  The  stranger  Creole,  with  the  blood 
of  the  despised  African  coursing  in  his  veins,  was  "Wil- 
liam Florville,  the  quadroon,  subsequejitly  and  for  years 
Abraham  Lincoln's  barber. 

When  Mr.  Lincoln  was  about  to  be  mamed  he  was 
taken  quite  ill  at  a  medical  friend's  house  in  this  city.  He 
sent  for  Florville,  who  stayed  with  him  some  time,  and 
while  there  administered  the  medicine  which  the  physi* 
cian  prescribed  for  him.  About  ten  days  afterward  he 
came  into  the  shop  and  spid,  "BiUy,  Iwant  you  to 
shave  me  and  trim  my  hair  also,  and  I  want  you  to  do  it 
as  if  I  was  going  to  be  married."  Billy  replied,  "If  I 
do,  Mr.  Lincoln,  it  will  cost  you  one  dollar.  We  charge 
extra  for  shaving  when  thoy  are  going  to  be  married. " 
"  All  right,"  replied  Mr.  Lincoln.  *'I  suppose  I  ought 
not  to  dance  without  paying  the  fiddler. " 


90  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

Hew  England  Rum. 

A  GENTLEMAN  was  one  day  finding  fault  with  the  con- 
stant agitation  in  Congress  of  the  Slavery  question.  He 
remarked  that,  after  the  adoption  of  the  Emancipation 
policy,  he  had  hoped  for  something  new. 

"There  was  a  man  down  in  Maine,"  said  the  Presi- 
dent, in  reply,  "  who  kept  a  grocery  store,  and  a  lot  of 
fellows  used  to  loaf  around  that  for  their  toddy.  He  on- 
ly gave  'em  New  England  rum,  and  they  drank  pretty 
considerably  of  it.  But  after  awKile  they  began  to  get 
tired  of  that,  and  kept  asking  for  something  new — some- 
thing new — all  the  time.  Well,  one  night,  when  the 
crowd  were  around,  the  grocer  brought  out  his  glasses, 
and  says  he,  '  I've  got  something  new  for  you  to  drink, 
boys,  now.''  *  Honor  bright  ?' said  they.  *  Honor  bright!' 
says  he,  and  with  that  he  sets  out  a  jug.  'Thar,' says 
he,  *  that's  something  new  ;  it's  New  England  rum !' — 
"Now,"  remarked  Mr.  Lincoln,  "  I  guess  we're  a  good 
deal  like  that  crowd,  and  Congress  is  a  good  deal  like 
that  store-keeper  !" 

He  was  Glad  of  it, 

On  the  occasion  when  the  telegram  from  Cumberland 
Gap  reached  Mr.  Lincoln  that  "firing  was  heard  in  the 
direction  of  Knoxville,"  he  remarked  that  he  "was  glad 
o|  it. "  Some  person  present,  who  had  the  perils  of 
Burnside's  position  uppermost  in  his  mind,  could  not 
see  why  Mr.  Lincoln  should  be  glad  of  it,  and  so  ex- 
pressed himself.  *^*'Why,  you  see,"  responded  the  Pres- 
ident, "it  reminds  me  of  Mistress  Sallie  Ward,  a  neigh- 
bor of  mine,  who  had  a  very  large  family.  Occasionally 
one  of  her  numerous  progeny  would  be  heard  crying  in 
some  out-of-the-way  place,  upon  which  Mrs.  Ward  would 
exclaim,  "There's  one  of  my  children  that  isn't  dead 
yet  1" 

Jake   Thompson. 

On  the  occasion  of  one  of  his  Cabinet  asking  him  if  it 
would  be  proper  to  permit  Jake  Thompson  to  shp 
through  Maine  in  disguise  and  embark  for  Portland,  the 
President  was  disposed  to  be  merciful  and  to  permit  the 
arch-rebel  to  pass  unmolested,  but  one  of  his  secretaries 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  21 


urged  that  Tliompson  should  be  arrested  as  a  traitor. 
"By  permitting  him  to  escape  the  penalties  of  treason,'* 
persistently  remarked  the  secretary,  "you  sanction  it." 
"  Well,"  replied  Mr.  Lincoln,  "let  me  tell  you  a  story. 
There  was  an  Irish  soldier  here  last  summer,  who  want- 
ed something  to  drink  stronger  than  water,  and  stopped 
at  a  drug-shop,  where  he  espied  a  soda-fountain.  "  Mr. 
Doctor,"  said  Pat,  "give  me,  plase,  a  glass  of  soda 
wather,  an'  if  yes  can  put  in  a  few  drops  of  whisky  un- 
beknown to  any  one,  I'll  be  obleged."  "Now,"  con- 
tinued Mr.  Lincoln,  "if  Jake  Thompson  is  permitted  to 
go  through  Maine  unbeknoAvn  to  any  one,  what's  the 
harm  ?     So  don't  have  him  arrested. " 

Sugar   Coated. 

The  July  following  Mr.  Lincoln's  inauguration  he 
sent  a  message  to  Congress  in  which  speaking  of  seces- 
sion, and  the  measures  taken  by  the  southern  leaders  to 
bring  it  about,  he  made  use  of  the  following  expres- 
sion : — "  With  rebellion  thus  sugar-coated,  they  have  been 
drugging  the  public  min  d  of  their  section  for  more  than 
thirty  years." — 

Mr.  Defrees,  the  Government  printer,  a  good  deal  dis- 
turbed by  the  term  sugar-coated,  went  to  the  President 
about  it.  He  told  Mr.  Lincoln  frankly,  that  he  ought 
to  remember  that  a  message  to  Congress  was  a  different 
affair  from  a  speech  at  a  mass-meeting  in  Illinois— that 
the  message  became  a  part  of  history,  and  should  be 
written  accordingly. 

"What  is  the  matter  now?"  inquired  the  President. 

"  Why,"  said  Mr.  Defrees,  "you  have  used  an  undig- 
nified expression  m  the  message  ;"  and  then  reading  the 
paragraph  alone,  he  added,  "I  would  alter  the  structure 
of  that,  if  I  were  you." 

"  Defrees,"  repHed  Mr.  Lincoln,  "  that  word  express- 
es precisely  my  idea,  and  I  am  not  going  to  change  it. 
The  time  will  never  come  in  this  country  when  the  peo- 
ple won't  know  exactly  what  sugar-coated  means." 

I  jings  I 
On  a  subsequent  occasion  a  certain  sentence  of  another 
message  was  very  awkwardly  constructed.     Calling  the 


»^  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


Presideut's  attention  to  it  in  the  proof-copy,  the  latter 
acknowledged  the  force  of  the  objection  raised,  and  said, 
"  Go  home,  Defrees,  and  see  if  you  can  better  it."  The 
next  day  Defrees  took  in  to  him  his  amendment.  Mr. 
Lincoln  met  him  by  saying  :  "  Seward  found  the  same 
fault  that  you  did,  and  he  has  been  re-writing  the  para- 
graph also."  Then  reading  Mr.  Defrees'  version  he  said: 
*' I  jings"  (a  common  expression  with  him),  "I  think  I 
can  beat  you  both."  Then  taking  up  the  pen,  he  wrote 
the  sentence  as  it  was  finally  printed. 

Mrs.  Brown's  recollections  of  Abraham  Lincoln. 
"  "Well,  I  remember  Linken.     He  Worked  with  my  old 
man  thirty-four  years  ago,  r.nd  made  a  crap.     We  lived 
on  the  same  farm  where  we  live  now,  and  he  worked  all 
the  season,  and  made  a  crap  of  corn,  and  the  next  winter 
they  hauled  the  crap  all  the  way  to  Galena,  and  sold  it 
for  two  dollars  and  a  half  a  bushel.     At  that  time  there 
"was  no  public  houses,  and  travelers  were  obliged  to  stay 
at  any  house  along  the  road  that  could  take  them  in. — 
One  evening  a  right  smart  looking  man  rode  up  to  the 
fence,  and  asked  my  old  man  if  he  could  get  to  stay  all 
night.     *  Well,'  said  Mr.  Brown,  'we  can  feed  your  crit- 
ter, and  give  you  something  to  eat,  but  we  can't  lodge 
you  unless  you  can  sleep  in  the  same  bed  with  the  hired 
man.'     The  man  hesitated,  and  asked,    'Where  is  he  ?' 
*  Well,'  said  Mr.  Brown,   'you  can  come  and  see  him.' — 
So  the  man  got  down  from  his  critter,  and  Mr.  Brown 
took  him  around  to  where,  in  the  shade  of  the  house,  Mr. 
Lincoln  lay  his  full  length  on  the  ground,  with  an  open 
book  before  him.     'There,'  said  Mr.  Brown,  pointing  to 
him.  •  he  is.'     The  stranger  looked  at  him  a  minute,  and 
eaid,  '  T  think  he'll  do. "     And  he  stayed  and  slept  with 
the  President  of  the  United  States." 

How  Lincoln  thrashed  a  Bully. 
While  serving  as  clerk  in  a  pioneer  "  store,"  a  bully  t 
came  in  and  began  to  talk  in  an  offensive  manner, 
using  much  profanity  and  evidently  wishing  to  provoke 
a  quarrel.  Lincoln  leaned  over  the  counter,  and  begged 
him,  as  ladies  were  present,  not  to  indulge  in  such  talk. 
The  bully  retorted  that  the  opportunity  had  come  for 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  23 


which  he  had  long  sought,  and  he  would  like  to  see  the 
man  who  could  hinder  him  from  saying  anything  he 
might  choose  to  say.  Lincoln  still  cool,  told  him  that 
if  he  would  wait  till  the  ladies  retired,  he  would  hear 
what  he  had  to  say,  and  give  him  any  satisfaction  he  de- 
sired. As  soon  as  the  women  were  gone,  the  man  be- 
came furious.  Lincoln  heard  his  boasts  and  abuse  for  a 
time,  and  finding  he  was  not  to  be  put  off  without  a 
fight,  said—"  Well,  if  you  must  be  whipi^ed,  I  suppose 
I  may  as  well  whip  you  as  any  other  man."  This  was 
just  what  the  bully  had  been  seeking,  he  said,  so  out  of 
doors  they  went,  and  Lincoln  made  short  work  with 
him.  He  threw  him  upon  the  ground,  held  him  there 
as  if  he  had  been  a  child,  and  gathering  some  smart- 
weed  which  grew  upon  the  spot,  rubbed  it  into  his  face 
and  eyes,  while  the  fellow  bellowed  with  pain.  Lincoln 
did  all  of  this  without  a  particle  of  anger,  and  when  the 
job  was  finished,  went  immediately  for  water,  washed 
his  victim's  face,  and  did  everything  he  could  to  allevi- 
ate his  distress.  The  upshot  of  the  matter  was  that 
the  man  became  his  fast  and  life-long  friend,  and  was  a 
better  man  from  that  day.  It  was  impossible  then,  and 
it  always  remained  impossible  for  Lincoln  to  cherish  re- 
sentment or  revenge. 

Mr.  Lincoln's  Postoffice, 
Not  wishing  to  be  tied  to  the  office,  as  it  yielded  him 
no  revenue  that  would  reward  him  for  the  confinement, 
he  made  a  post-office  of  his  hat.  Whenever  he  went 
out,  the  letters  he  placed  in  his  hat.  When  an  anxious 
looker  for  a  letter  found  the  post-master,  he  found  his 
office  ;  and  the  pubhc  officer  taking  off  his  hat,  looked 
over  his  mail  wherever  the  public  might  find  him. 

The  Strict  Oonstructionist. 
A  good  instance  of  the  execution  which  he  sometimes 
effected  with  a  story  occurred  in  the  legislature.  There 
was  a  troublesome  member  from  Wabash  county,  who 
gloried  particularly  in  being  a  "strict  constructionist." 
He  found  something  "unconstitutional"  in  every  meas- 
ure that  was  brought  for  discussion.  He  was  a  member 
of  the  Judiciary  Committee,  and  was  quite   apt,  after 


«*  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


giving  every  measure  a  heavy  pounding,  to  advocate  its 
reference  to  this  Committee.  No  amount  of  sober  argu- 
ment could  floor  the  member  from  Wabash.  At  last, 
he  came  to  be  considered  a  man  to  be  silenced,  and  Mr. 
Lincoln  was  resorted  to  for  an  expedient  by  which  this 
effect  might  be  accomplished.  He  soon  afterwards 
honored  the  draft  thus  made  upon  him.  A  measure  was 
brought  forward  in  which  Mr.  Lincoln^s  constituents 
were  interested,  when  the  member  from  Wabash  rose 
and  discharged  all  his  batteries  upon  its  unconstitution- 
al points.  Mr.  Lincoln  then  took  the  floor,  and,  with 
quizzical  expression  of  features  which  he  could  assume 
at  will,  and  a  mirthful  twinkle  in  his  gray  eyes,  said  • 
*'  Mr.  Speaker,  the  attack  of  the  member  from  Wabash 
on  the  constitutionality  of  this  measure  reminds  me  of 
an  old  friend  of  mine.  He's  a  peculiar  looking  old  fel- 
low, with  shaggy,  overhanging  eye-brows,  and  a  pair  of 
spectacles  under  them.  (Everybody  turned  to  the 
member  from  Wabash  and  recognized  a  personal  de- 
scription.) One  morning  just  after  the  old  man  got  up, 
he  imagined,  on  looking  out  of  his  door,  that  he  saw 
rather  a  lively  squirrel  on  a  tree  near  his  house.  So  he 
took  down  his  rifle  and  fired  at  the  squirrel,  but  the 
squirrel  paid  no  attention  to  the  shot.  He  loaded  and 
fired  again,  and  again,  until  the  thirteenth  shot,  he  set 
down  his  gun  impatiently,  and  said  to  his  boy,  who 
was  looking  on,  "boy,  there's  something  wrong  about 
this  rifle."  "  Rifle's  all  right.  I  know  'tis,"  repHed  the 
boy,  "but  Where's  your  squirrel?"  "Don't  you  see 
him,  humped  up  about  half  way  up  the  tree,"  inquired 
the  old  man,  peeping  over  his  spectacles,  and  getting 
mystified.  "  No  I,  don't,"  responded  the  boy  ;  and  then 
turning  and  looking  into  his  father's  face,  he  exclaimed, 
"  I  see  your  squirrel !  You've  been  firing  at  a  louse  on 
your  eyebrow  !" 

How  Mr.  Lincoln  looked. 
Lf  personal  appearance,  Mr,  Lincoln,  or,  as  he  is  more 
familiarly  termed  among  tho3e  who  know  him  best,  '  Old 
Uncle  Abe,'  is  long,  lean,  and  wiry.  In  motion  he  has  a 
gi-eat  deal  of  the  elasticity  and  awkardness  which  indi- 
cates the  rough  training  of  his  life,  and  his  conversation 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  »3 


savors  strongly  of  Western  idoms  and  pronounciation. 
His  height  is  six  feet  four  inches.  His  complexion  is 
about  that  of  an  octoroon  ;  his  face,  without  being  by 
any  means  beautiful,  is  genial-looking,  and  good  humor 
seems  to  lurk  in  every  corner  of  its  innumerable  angles. 
He  has  dark  hair  tinged  with  gi'ay,  a  good  forehead, 
small  eyes,  a  long  penetrating  nose,  with  nostrils  such  as 
Napoleon  always  liked  to  find  in  his  best  generals,  be- 
cause they  indicated  a  long  head  and  clear  thoughts ; 
and  a  mouth,  which,  aside  from  being  of  magnificent 
proportions,  is  probaly  the  most  exxDressive  feature  of 
his  face. 

As  a  speaker  he  is  ready,  precise,  and  fluent.  His 
manner  before  a  popular  assembly  is  as  he  pleases  to 
make  it,  being  either  superlatively  ludicrous,  or  very  im- 
pressive. He  employs  but  Httle  gesticulation,  but  when 
he  desires  to  make  a  point,  produces  a  shrug  of  his 
shoulders,  an  elevation  of  his  eyebrows,  a  depression  of 
his  mouth,  and  general  malformation  of  countenance  so 
comically  awkward  that  it  never  fails  to  bring  '  down 
the  house.'  His  enunciation  is  slow  and  emjDhatic, 
and  his  voice,  though  sharp  and  powerful,  at  times  has  a 
frequent  tendency  to  dwindle  into  a  shrill  and  unpleasant 
sound  ;  but  as  before  stated,  the  peculiar  characteristio 
of  his  delivery  is  the  remarkable  mobihty  of  his  features, 
the  frequent  contortions  of  which  excite  a  merriment  his 
words  could  not  produce. 

In  fact  the  picture  on  the  title-page  of  this  collection 
of  Anecdotes,  is  a  capital  likeness  of  President  Lincoln, 
in  a  story-telling  mood,  taken  from  life  by  an  artist  who 
had  enjoyed  his  social  entertainment,  and  was  Drepared 
expressly  to  place  the  late  President  before  the  people 
in  his  familiar  manner,  which  endeared  him  to  so 
many. 

Thrilling  Incident  in  his  Legal  Career. 

One  instance  which  occurred  during  his  early  legal 
practice  is  worthy  of  extended  publication.  At  a  camp 
meeting  held  in  Menard  county,  a  fight  took  place  which 
ended  in  the  murder  of  one  of  the  participants  in  the 
quarrel.  A  young  man  named  Armstrong,  a  son  of  the 
aged  couple  for  whom  many  years  before  Abraham  Lin- 


36  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


coin  had  worked,  was  charged  with  the  deed,  and  being 
arrested  and  examined,  a  true  bill  was  found  against  him, 
and  he  was  lodged  in  jail  to  await  his  trial.      As   soon  as 
Mr.  Lincoln  received  intelligence   of  the  affair,  he  ad- 
dressed a  kind  letter  to   Mrs.   Armstrong,    stating  his 
anxiety  that  her  son  should  have  a  fair  trial,  and  offering 
in  return  for  her  kindness  to  him  while  in  adverse  cir- 
cumstances some  years  before,  his  services  gratuitously. 
Investigation  convinced  the  volunteer  attorney  that  the 
young  man  was  the  victim  of  a  conspiracy,  and  he  deter- 
mined to  postpone  the  case  until  the   excitement  had 
subsided.     The  day  of  trial  however  finally  arrived,  and 
the  accuser  testified  positively  that  he  saw  the  accused 
plunge  the  knife  into  the  heart  of  the  murdered  man. 
He  remembered  all  the   circumstances  perfectly ;    the 
murder  was   committed  about  half-past  nine  o'clock  at 
night,  and  the  moon  was  shining  brightly.     Mr.  Lincoln 
reviewed  all  the   testimony  carefully,  and  then  proved 
conclusively  that  the  moon  which  the  accuser  had  sworn 
was  shining  brightly,  did  not  rise  until  an  hour  or  more 
after  the  murder  was   committed.      Other  discrepancies 
were   exposed,  and  in  thirty  minutes  after  the  jury  re- 
tired they  returned  with  a  verdict  of  "Not  Guilty.  ' 

On  tho  Congressmen. 

As  the  President  and  a  friend  were  sitting  one  day  on 
the  House  of  Rej)resentatives'  steps,  the  last  session 
closed,  and  the  members  filed  out  in  a  body.  Lincoln 
looked  after  them  with  a  sardonic  smile. 

*'  That  reminds  me,"  said  he,  *'  of  a  little  incident. — 
When  I  was  quite  a  boy,  my  flat-boat  lay  up  at  Alton,  on 
the  Mississippi,  for  a  day,  and  I  strolled  about  the  town, 
I  saw  a  large  stone  building,  with  massive  walls,  not  so 
handsome,  though,  as  this  ;  and  while  I  was  looking  at 
it,  the  iron  gateway  opened,  and  a  great  body  of  men 
came  out.  "What  do  you  call  that  ?"  I  asked  a  by- 
stander. 'That,'  said  he,  'is  the  State  Prison,  and 
those  are  all  thievesj  going  home.     Their  time  is  up.'  " 

Burying  Himself. 
FoK  weeks — indeed,  for  months — after  the  inaugura- 
tion, the  ante-rooms,  halls  and  staircases  of  the  White 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  »7 

House  swarmed  with  office-seekers.  More  important 
public  business  was  at  times  impeded  by  their  brazen 
importunity,  and  every  man  who  was  supposed  to  have 
"influence"  was  beseiged  day  and  night.  It  is  true 
that  one  of  the  most  important  duties  before  the  new 
administration  was  to  place  the  machinery  of  govern- 
ment, as  soon  as  possible,  in  trustworthy  hands,  but  it 
was  a  terrible  job  to  do  so.  They  say  that  the  office- 
seekers  killed  Harrison  and  Taylor — it  w^as  no  fault  of 
Abraham  Lincoln  that  they  did  not  kill  him,  for  he  list- 
ened to  them  with  a  degree  of  patience  and  good  temper 
truly  astonishing.  At  times,  however,  even  his  equa- 
nimity gave  way,  and  more  than  one  public  man  finally 
lost  the  President's  good  wiU  by  his  pertinacity  in  de- 
manding provision  for  his  personal  satellites.  Some 
Senators  and  Congressmen  really  distinguished  them- 
selves in  this  respect.  "I  remember,"  says  his  jDrivate 
Secretary,  W.  O.  Stoddard,  Esq.,  who  has  contributed 
very  happily  to  the  general  fund  of  Lincoln  Anecdotes, 
*'  a  saying  of  Mr.  Lincoln's  that  comes  in  pretty  well 

here  :  *  Poor ,  he  is  digging  his  poHtical  grave  !' " 

"Why,  how  so,  Mr.  President  He  has  obtained 
more  offices  for  his  friends  than  any  other  man  I  know 

of." 

"  That's  just  it ;  no  man  can  stand  so  much  of  that 

sort  of  thing,  lou  see,  every  nran  thinks  he  deserves  a 
better  office  than  the  one  he  gets,  and  hates  his  *  big 
man'  for  not  securing  it,  while  for  every  man  api^ointed 
there  are  five  envious  men  unappointed,  who  never  for- 
give him  for  their  want  of  luck.     So  there's  half  a  dozen 

enemies  for  each  success.     I  like ,  and  don't  like  to 

see  him  hurt  himself  in  that  way  ;  I  guess  I  won't  give 
him  any  more." 

The  last  clause  had  a  dry  bit  of  humor  in  it,  for  in 
good  truth  the  honorable  gentleman  had  had  quite 
enough. 

Lincoln  "Fixed."  * 

"  We  had  a  meeting  of  the  Whigs  of  the  county  here 
on  last  Monday,  to  appoint  delegates  to  a  district  con- 
vention, and  Baker  beat  me,  and  got  the  delegation  in- 
structed to  go  for  him.     The  meeting,  in  sjDite  of   my 


»«  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


attempt  to  decline  it,  appointed  me  one  of  the  delegates, 
S)  that,  in  getting  Baker  the  nomination,  I  shall  be 
*  fixed '  a  good  deal  like  a  fellow  who  is  made  grooms- 
man to  the  man  who  has  *  cut  him  out,'  and  is  marrying 
his  own  dear  gal." 

What  the  Democrats  saw  in  Judge  Douglas's  face. 
**  They  have  seen,  in  his  round,  jolly,  fmitful  face, 
post-offices,  land  offices,  marshalships,  cabinet  appoint- 
ments, charge-ships  and  foreign  missions  bursting  and 
sprouting  out,  in  wonderful  luxuriance,  ready  to  be  laid 
hold  of  by  their  greedy  hands.  On  the  contrary,  no- 
body has  ever  expected  me  to  be  President.  In  my 
poor,  lean,  lank  face  nobody  has  ever  seen  that  any 
cabbages  were  sprouting  out. " 

What  He  said  of  a  Political  Defeat. 
**I  FEEii,  I  suppose,  very  mi^ch  like  the  stripling  who 
had  bruised  his  toe— *  too  badly  to  laugh,  and  too  big 
to  cry. '  " 

His  •'  little  story  "  over  the  disruption  of  the  Democracy. 
He  once  knew,  he  said,  a  sound  churchman  by  the 
name  of  Brown,  who  was  a  member  of  a  very  sober  and 
pious  committee   having  in  charge   the  erection  of  a 
bridge  over  a  dangerous  and  rapid  river.     Several  archi- 
tects failed,  and  at  last  Brown  said  he  had  a  friend  named 
Jones  who  had  built  several  bridges,  and  could  undoubt- 
edly build  that  one.    So  Mr.  Jones  was  called  in.     "Can 
you  build  this  bridge  ?"  inquired  the  committee.    "Yes," 
replied  Jones,  "  or  any  other.     I  could  build  a  bridge  to 
h— 1,  if  necessary."     The  committee  were  shocked,  and 
Brown  felt  called  upon  to  defend  his  frieiiJ.     "I  know 
Jones  so  well,"  said  he,  "and  he  is  so  honest  a  man,  and 
so  good  an  architect,  that  if  he  states  soberly  and  posi  • 
tively  that  he  can  build  a  bridge  to — to — the  infernal  re- 
gions, why,  I  believe  it ;  but  I  feel  bound  to  say  that  I 
have  my  doubts  about  the  abutment  on  the  other  side." 
"  So,"  said  Mr.  Lincoln,  "  when  politicians  told  me  that 
the  Northern  and   Southern  wings  of  the   Democracy 
could  be  harmonized,  why,  I  beUeved  them,  but  I  al- 
ways had  my  doubts  about  the  abutment  on  the  other 
side. " 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  se 

Stanton's  Impulsiveness. 
''Well,"  said  Mr.  Lincoln,  *' we  may  have  to  treat 
liim  (Stanton)  as  tliey  are  sometimes  obliged  to  treat  a 
Methodist  minister  I  know  of  out  West.  He  gets 
wrought  up  to  so  high  a  pitch  of  excitement  in  his  pray- 
ers and  exhortations,  that  they  are  obliged  to  put  bricks 
into  his  pockets  to  keep  him  down.  We  may  be  obliged 
to  serve  Stanton  the  same  way,  but  I  guess  we'll  let  him 
jump  awhile  first." 

The    "little   story"   to  malcontents,    who   wished 
further   changes   in   his   Cabinet. 

Mr.  Lincoln  on  hearing  several  of  these  through  with 
their  complaints,  with  his  pecuHar  smile,  said,  *'  Gentle- 
men, the  case  reminds  me  of  a  story  of  an  old  friend  of 
mine  out  in  Illinois.  His  homestead  was  much  infested 
with  those  little  black  and  white  animals  that  we  needn't 
call  by  name,  and,  after  losing  his  patience  with  them  he 
determined  to  sally  out  and  inflict  upon  them  a  general 
slaughter.  He  took  his  gun,  clubs  and  dogs,  and  at  it 
he  went,  but  stopi)ed  after  killing  one  and  returned 
home  when  his  neighbers  asked  him  why  he  had  not 
fulfiled  his  threat  of  killing  aU  there  were  on  his  place, 
he  re^jlied  that  his  experience  with  the  one  he  had  killed 
was  such  that  he  thought  he  had  better  stop  where  he 
was." 

His  "  little  story  "  to  Admiral  Goldsborough. 
In  a  conversation  with  Major-General  Garfield,  he 
said  :  '*  By  the  way,  Garfield,  do  you  know  that  Chase, 
Stanton,  General  Wool  and  I  had  a  campaign  of  our  own? 
We  went  down  to  Fortress  Monroe  in  Chase's  revenue 
cutter,  and  consulted  with  Admiral  Goldsborough  on  the 
feasibihty  of  taking  Norfolk  by  landing  on  the  north 
shore  and  making  a  march  of  eight  miles.  The  Admiral 
said  there  was  no  landing  on  that  shore,  and  we  should 
have  to  double  the  cape,  and  approach  the  place  from 
the  south  side,  which  would  be  a  very  long  journey,  and 
a  difiicult  one.  I  asked  him  if  he  had  ever  tried  to  find 
a  landing,  and  he  replied  that  he  had  not.  I  then  told 
him  a  story  of  a  fellow  in  Illinois  who  had  studied  law, 
but  had  never  tried  a  case.     He  was  sued,  and,  not  hav- 


30  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

ing  confidence  in  his  ability  to  manage  his  own  case,  em- 
ployed a  lawyer  to  manage  it  for  him.  He  had  only  a 
confused  idea  of  the  meaning  of  law  terms,  but  was 
anxious  to  make  a  display  of  learning,  and,  on  the  trial, 
constantly  made  suggestions  to  his  lawyer,  who  paid  but 
little  attention  to  him.  At  last,  finding  that  his  lawyer 
was  not  handling  the  opposing  counsel  very  well,  he  lost 
all  his  patience  ;  and,  springing  to  his  feet,  cried  out, 
*  Why  don't  you  go  at  him  with  a  capias  or  a  surre-butter 
or  nudem-jmctum  ?  *  Now,  Admiral,'  said  I,  'if  you  don't 
know  that  there  is  no  landing  on  the  north  shore,  I  want 
you  to  find  out.'" 

Doing  all  the  Swearing  for  the  Kegiment. 
Heke  is  a  little  story  told  by  General  Fisk  that  Mr. 
Lincoln  relished  very  much,  and  often  repeated.  The 
General  had  begun  his  military  life  as  a  colonel ;  and, 
when  he  raised  his  regiment  in  Wisconsin,  he  proposed 
to  his  men  that  he  should  do  all  the  swearing  of  the  regi- 
ment. They  assented  ;  and  for  months  no  instance  was 
known  of  the  violation  of  the  promise.  The  Colonel  had 
a  teamster  named  John  Todd,  who,  as  the  roads  were 
not  always  the  best,  had  some  difiiculty  in  commanding 
his  temper  and  his  tongue.  jDhn  happened  to  be  driv- 
ing a  mule-team  through  a  series  of  mud-pools  a  little 
worse  than  usual,  when,  unable  to  restrain  himself  any 
longer,  he  burst  forth  in  a  volly  of  energetic  oaths. 
The  colonel  took  notice  of  the  offense,  and  brought 
John  to  an  account,  "John,"  said  he,  "didn't  you 
promise  to  let  me  do  all  the  swearing  of  the  regiment  ?" 
"Yes,  I  did.  Colonel,"  he  replied,  "but  the  fact  was  the 
swearing  had  to  be  done  then,  or  not  at  all,  and  you 
weren't  there  to  do  it." 

About   Making  Brigadier-G-enerals. 

A  PERSON  who  wishes  to  be  commissioned  as  Brigadier 
told  Mr.  Lincoln  in  a  sarcastic  tone,  "I  see  there's  no  va- 
cancies among  the  Brigadiers,  from  the  fact  that  so  many 
colonels  are  commanding  brigades." 

"  My  friend,  "said  Mr.  Lincoln,  "let  me  tell  you 
something  about  that.  You  are  a  farmer  I  believe  ;  if 
not,  you  will  understand  me.     Suppose  you  had  a  large 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  »i 


cattle  yard,  full  of  all  sorts  of  cattle — cows,  oxen  and 
bulls, — and  you  kept  killing  and  selling  and  disposing 
of  your  cows  and  oxen,  in  one  way  and  another,  taking 
good  care  of  your  bulls.  By  and  by  you  would  find  out 
that  you  had  nothing  but  a  yard  full  of  old  bulls,  good 
for  nothing  under  heavens.  Now  it  will  be  just  so  with 
the  army,  if  I  don't  stop  making  Brigadier-Generals." 

Let   'em   Wriggle. 

*'  The  Wade  and  Davis  matter  troubles  me  but  Httle," 
Mr.  Lincoln  said  to  a  friend.  "Indeed  I  feel  a  good 
deal  about  it  as  the  old  man  did  about  his  cheese  when 
his  very  smart  boy  found,  by  the  aid  of  a  microscope, 
that  it  was  full  of  maggots.  "Oh  father!"  exclaimed 
the  boy,  "how  can  you  eat  that  stuff  ?  just  look  in  here 
and  see  'em  wriggle  !"  The  old  man  took  another 
mouthful,  and,  putting  his  teeth  into  it,  replied  grimly  ; 
'*let  'em  wrigf;le  !" 

A  Hard  Hit. 

At  the  conference  in  Hampton  Eoads,   Mr.  Lincoln 

declared  that,  in  his  negotiations  for  peace,  he  could  not 

recognize  another  government  inside  of  the  one  of  which 
he  alone  was  President. 

Mr.  Hunter  replied  that  "the  recognition  of  Da^ds' 
power  to  make  a  treaty  was  the  first  indespensible  step 
to  peace,"  and,  to  illustrate  his  point,  he  refered  to  the 
correspondence  between  King  Charles  the  First  and  his 
Parliment,  as  a  reliable  precedent  of  a  constitutional 
rule  treating  with  rebels. 

"  Upon  questions  of  history,"  replied  Lincoln  "I  must 
refer  you  to  Seward,  for  he  is  posted  in  such  things,  and 
I  don't  profess  to  be  ;  but  my  only  distinct  recollection 
of  the  matter  is  that  Charles  lost  his  head/^ 

It  Did  Her  So  Much  Good. 
On  an  other  occasion  refering  to  the  same  he  said,  "  It 
reminds  me  of  a  man  in  Illinois  whose  wife  occasionally 
took  the  broomstick  to  him.  His  neighbors  remon. 
strated  with  the  unfortunate  husband  and  told  him  he 
was  scandalized  as  a  man  in  allowing  her  to  do  this, 
"  O,"  said  he  shrugging  up  his  shoulder  and  at  the  same 
time  giving  a  comical  look  "I  don't  mind  it  then  it 
seems  to  do  her  a  heap  of  good. " 


^^  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

Abraham  Lincoln's  Duel. 
Something  more  than  a  score  of  years  ago,  Springfield, 
the  capital  of  the  Prairie  State,  was  the  home  of  a  maid- 
en, who  was  as  bright  as  she  was  beautiful,  and  as  spir- 
ited and  witty,  as  she  was  graceful  and  good.  If  we  do 
not  name  her,  it  is  because  in  her  place  in  our  heart  she 
is  too  well  hedged  around  by  love  and  reverence  to  be 
brought  forth  and  presented  to  the  profane  gaze  of  the 
public.  As  the  wife  of  a  senator,  whom  all  good  men, 
and  women,  too,  delight  to  honor,  her  conserving  and 
purifying  power  has  since  been  shown  to  the  world  by 
the  influence  it  has  had  in  helping  him  keep  his  life  pure 
and  noble. 

This  maiden,  whom  we  will  call  Anna,  because  we  must 
call  her  something,  was  the  friend  and  confident  of  Miss 
Todd,  the  affianced  of  Mr.  Lincoln,  who  had,  not  so  very 
many  years  before  this,  left  off  spKtting  rails,  to  trj  what 
skill  he  might  have  in  splitting  hairs  in  a  lawyer's  office 
in  Springfield.     Judge  Shields  was  likewise  a  dweller  in 
the  town  at  this  time,  and  a  frequenter  of  the  society  in 
which  the  two  ** bright,  particular  stars,"  already  men- 
tioned, shed  their  radiance.     But  his  moral  character 
was  not  altogether  immaculate,  report  said.     For  this, 
or  some  ether  reason,  Anna  was  not  inclined  to  regard 
him  with  favor.     Once  upon  a  time,  however,  circum- 
stances compelled  her  to  accept  his  escort  from  an  even- 
ing party  to  her  father's  house.     Her  spirit  was  moved 
with  indignation  by  a  trifling  incident  which  occurred 
on  the  way,  and  she  determined  upon  securing  revenge. 
A  day  or  two  afterwards  some  verses  appeared  in  the 
literary  luminary  of  the  place,  the  name  of  which  Father 
Time  has,  or,  at  any  rate,  we  have,  dropped  from  the 
scene.     The  verses  were  addressed  to  Judge  S.  so  ob- 
viously, that  he  who  ran  could  read,  though  his  name 
did  not  appear.     They  were  witty  and  sharp,  and  though 
everybody  knew  at  once  to  whom  they  referred,  every- 
body did  not  know  who  wrote  them.     Among  the  unfor- 
tunate ones  to  whom,  in  this  case,  ignorance  was  not 
bliss,  was  the  distinguished  individual  to  whom  they 
were   addressed,  who   might  naturally  be   supposed  to 
have  a  more  than  common  interest  in  having  ignorance 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  33 


supplanted  by  knowledge,  in  converting  the  unknown  in- 
to the  known.  He  set  about  the  accomplishment  of  the 
desired  end,  but  soon  found  that  the  pursuit  of  knowl- 
edge on  that  line  was  emphatically  following  after  it  un- 
der difficulties.  He  went  to  the  editor,  or  printer,  i^er. 
haps  the  quality  was  comprised  in  one  person,  and,  after 
the  old  man  in  the  spelling  book,  first  tried  gentle  meas- 
ures, which,  not  availing,  in  imitation  of  the  same  illus- 
trious example,  he  proceeded  to  try  what  virtue  there 
was  in  severe  ones,  which  soon  brought  the  editor  down, 
and  he  confessed  that  the  verses  were  handed  to  him  iu 
the  handwriting  of  Miss  Todd.  He  did  not  tell  him,  be- 
cause he  did  not  know,  that  she  had  only  copied  them 
from  the  manuscrij^t  of  her  friend  Anna. 

Judge  S.  ungallantly  attacked  the  supposed  writer  in  a 
rejoinder,  which  appeared  in  the  next  issue  of  the  same 
paper.  Springfield  was  not  so  large  then  but  that  every- 
body knew  his  neighbor's  business  as  well  as  he  did  him- 
self, if  not  a  little  better.  The  matter  was  discussed  at 
every  fireside,  and  came  in  with  dessert,  if  not  before, 
at  every  dinner  table. 

It  was  well  known  that  Miss  Tood  was  betrothed  to 
Mr.  Lincoln,  and  every  principle  of  law  and  equity  de- 
manded that  he  should  be  her  defender  against  all  wrong 
and  injustice.  He  would  be  no  loyal  knight  if  he  should 
sufi'er  his  lady  love  to  be  publicly  attacked  and  he  not 
come  to  the  rescue.  He  therefore,  took  up  the  cudgel 
in  her  behalf,  and  the  result  was  a  challenge  from  Judge 
Shields  to  meet  him  in  single  combat  and  undo  the 
wrong  that  had  been  done,  by  the  pleasant  operation  of 
the  one  shedding  the  other's  blood.  Whatever  may  have 
been  Mr.  Lincoln's  feelings  about  duelling  in  the  abstract, 
in  this  particular  case  there  seemed  to  be  no  choice  left 
him  but  to  accept  the  challenge.  Miss  Todd  was  a  Ken- 
tuckian.  The  friends  with  whom  she  lived  were  of  the 
same  ilk.  Mr.  Lincoln  himself  h;id  been  cradled  under 
the  same  sky.  The  mere  semblance  of  pusilljuiimity  was 
something  that  must  be  put  far  from  him.  He  accepted 
the  challenge,  and  having  the  right  of  choice  in  regard 
to  weajoons,  selected  broad  swords. 

But  the  laws  of  Illinois  are  very  stringent  in  regard  to 


34  LBNCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

duelling.  That  kind  of  salve  for  a  man's  wounded  honor 
was  not  among  the  prescriptions  contained  in  its  code. 
Years  before  this  the  legislature  had  declared  duelling  a 
capital  offense  and  one  unfortunate  violator  of  the  statute 
had  died  at  the  hands  of  the  hangman.  Thenceforth  com- 
mon men  pocketed  the  offences  which  the  law  would  not 
vindicate.  The  chivalry,  when  insulted,  had  to  nurse 
their  wrath  until  they  could  get  into  Missouri,  or  at  least 
to  Bloody  Island,  halfway  over  the  Mississippi. 

This  was  before  the  railroads  with  their  iron  horses 
and  fabulous  speed  had  wakened  the  echoes  in  that  re- 
gion." Springfield  was  a  respectable  two  days'  journey 
from  Alton,  the  nearest  accessible  point  to  the  Missis- 
sippi. As  nothing  else  could  be  done,  these  two  chivalric 
defenders  of  injured  innocence  collected  their  swords  and 
other  traps  and  started  on  a  slow  coach,  with  the  privi- 
lege of  having  by  the  way,  a  nice  long  time  in  which  to 
thick  of  the  pleasantness  of  killing  or  being  killed,  and 
what  might  come  thereafter.  At  last  the  journey  ended, 
as  all  things  earthly  must,  and  they  arrived  at  Alton. 

There  were  no  steam  ferry-boats  then.  The  Charons 
of  that  day  had  to  find  motive  power  in  their  own  sinewy 
arms.  Everything  was  favorable  to  reflection.  The  time 
was  abundant  not  only  for  "sober,  second  thought, "  to 
try  its  power,  but  that  number  had  a  chance  to  multiply 
itself  into  thousands,  and  grow  soberer  all  the  while. 
But  nothing  moved  the  combatants  from  their  steady 
purpose.  The  father  of  waters  was  propitious,  and  they 
"with  their  swords  and  a  man  with  a  dish  to  catch  the 
blood  and  a  string  to  take  up  an  artery,  as  the  case  might 
require.  The  matter  having  being  noised  abroad  some- 
what in  Alton,  some  persons,  blessed  with  enquiring 
minds,  followed  them  across  the  river  in  order  to  be  in 
at  the  death.  As  the  news  spread  more  and  more,  there 
came  to  be  quite  an  excitement  in  the  town  among  those 
who  remained,  and  sentinels  were  posted  in  command- 
ing positions,  and  close  watch  was  kept  for  the  party 
when  it  should  return.  In  process  of  time  the  watch- 
man announced  that  the  boat  which  had  been  f)'eighted 
•with  the  valiant,  was  coming  back,  and  when  it  was  a 
tbird  of  the  way  in  its  passage  across  the  river,   sharp 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  33 


eyes  detected  a  man  with  his  cloak  wrapped  around  him 
lying  in  the  bottom  of  the  flat-boat.  The  news  si^read 
quickly  over  the  town  that  one  of  the  avengers  of  no- 
body knew  exactly  what,  had  fallen  a  victim  to  his 
courage  ;  and  womanly  eyes  were  ready  to  weep  at  the 
thought  of  the  havoc  that  would  be  made  in  some- 
body's heart.  But  now,  as  often,  the  near  contradicted 
the  far.  "When  the  boat  landed  it  was  found  that  some 
wag  had  put  in  a  log,  and  thrown  over  it  a  cloak,  so  that 
expectation  might  not  be  let  down  too  suddenly  from  its 
elevation.  The  victims  who  had  so  bravely  prepared  them- 
selves for  the  sacrifice,  was  both  alive  and  well.  Their 
honor  had  been  healed  by  other  plaster  than  that  of  blood. 
When  the  danger  came  within  touching  distance,  their 
wrath  became  placable.  A  friend  who  had  got  an  inkling  of 
what  was  on  hand,  had  followed  them,  and  reached  the 
place  as  Lincoln  was  clearing  away  the  brush  to  have  a 
chance  for  a  fair  fight,  and  succeeded,  just  in  the  nick  of 
time,  in  convincing  them,  as  many  another  man  has  been 
convinced,  that  * '  discretion  is  the  better  part  of  valor. " 

To  Mr.  Lincoln,  with  his  quick  sense  of  the  ridiculous, 
and  nice  appreciation  of  humor,  the  whole  thing  must 
have  been  very  laughable  in  after  years,  unless,  which  is 
possible,  it  was  a  little  bit  mortifying.  Whether  he  ever 
used  the  story  to  illustrate  the  parturition  of  mountains 
and  the  bringing  forth  of  mice,  I  do  not  know.  He 
probably  would  have  done  so,  had  he  not  himseK  have 
been  the  hero. 

Every  Man  His  own  Boss. 

But  one  argument  in  the  support  of  the  repeal  of  the 
Missouri  Compromise  is  still  to-  come.  That  argument 
is  "  the  sacred  right  of  self-government. "'  It  seems  our 
distinguished  Senator  has  found  great  difiiculty  in  get- 
ting his  antagonists,  even  in  the  Senate,  to  meet  him 
fairly  on  this  argument.  Some  poet  has  said,  ''Fools 
rush  in  where  angels  fear  to  tread." 

At  the  hazard  of  being  thought  one  of  the  fools  of  this 
quotation,  I  meet  that  argument, — I  rush  in, — I  take 
that  bull  by  the  horns.  ...  I  say  that,  that  no  man  is 
good  enough  to  govern  another  man  icithout  that  other's 
consent,     I  say,  this  is  the  leading  princij)le,  the  sheet- 


36  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

anchor  of  American  Bepublicanism.  Our  Declaration 
of  Independence  says:  "That,  to  secure  these  rights, 
governments  are  instituted  among  men,  debiving  their 

JUST    POWERS    FROM     THE     CONSENT     OF     THE    GOVERNED." 

Now,  the  relation  of  master  and  slave  is,  pro  tanto,  a 
total  violation  of  their  principle.  The  master  not  only 
governs  the  slave  without  his  consent,  but  he  governs 
him  by  a  set  of  rules  altogether  dijBferent  from  those 
which  he  prescribes  for  himself.  Allow  all  the  gov- 
erned an  equal  voice  in  the  government ;  and  that,  and 
that  only,  is  self-{;^'overnment.  .  .  .  If  it  is  a  sacred  right 
for  the  people  of  Nebraska  to  take  and  hold  slaves  there, 
it  is  equally  their  sacred  right  to  buy  them  where  they 
can  buy  them  cheapest ;  and  that,  undoubtedly,  will  be 
on  the  coast  of  Africa,  provided  you  will  consent  not  to 
hang  them  for  going  there  to  buy  them.  .  .  .  He  (the 
African  slave-dealer)  honestly  buys  them  at  the  rate  of 
about  a  red  cotton  handkerchief  a  head.  This  is  very 
cheap  ;  and  it  is  a  great  abridgment  of  the  '  *  sacred  right 
of  self-government,'"  to  hang  men  for  engaging  in  this 
profitable  trade. — Speech^  October^  1854. 

Little  "Tad"  as  Attorney-Generah 

For  my  own  part,  if  I  wanted  an  agent  to  procure  any- 
thing like  a  pardon  from  Mr.  Lincoln,  I  should  have 
unhesitatingly  sent  a  child  rather  than  a  grown  woman 
of  any  kind.  Anything  like  helplessness  appealed  to 
him  strongly,  and  he  was  very  fond  of  children  at  all 
times. 

To  such  an  extent  did  he  carry  this  indulgence  for 
little  "Tad"  [the  President's  favorite  son]  who,  by  the 
way,  was  a  very  intelligent  and  affectionate  boy,  that  he 
allowed  him  free  access  to  his  business  office  at  all  hours 
and  under  almost  any  circumstances  ;  and  I  well  remem- 
ber the  dignified  expression  of  disapprobation  with  which 
a  testy  old  Senator  declared  his  opinion  that  ' '  that  boy 
was  becoming  decidedly  more  numerous  than  popular. " 

Tad  had  the  same  weakness  for  unlucky  brutes  which 
his  father  had  for  unfortunate  men,  and  always  had 
under  his  protection,  one  or  more  ill-conditioned  curs  of 
low  degree,  famished  appearance  and  unimaginable  ex- 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  37 


traction.  Somehow  they  never  stayed  long,  and  I  do 
not  know  whether  or  not  they  fattened  as  well  as  others 
at  the  "pubhc  crib." 

Nor  were  there  wanting  biped  petitioners  who  were 
quick  to  seize  upon  what  seemed  so  vulnerable  a  point 
as  Mr.  Lincoln's  affection  for  his  boy,  and  attempt  to 
bring  themselves  to  the  favorable  notice  of  the  all  pow- 
erful President  by  the  assiduty  with  which  they  culti- 
vated his  little  pet.  Of  course  they  succeeded  with  Tad, 
for  a  boy's  heart  is  easily  fished  for,  and  there  were  a 
few  of  the  earlier  approaches  on  this  line  which  were 
tolerably  successful;  but  only  a  very  few  found  their 
way  to  his  knee  or  table  before  Mr.  Lincoln  saw  the 
point,  and  "Tad's  clients"  became  more  a  matter  for 
joke  than  anything  else.  Otherwise,  as  a  general  rule, 
it  was  not  apt  to  be  to  any  man's  advantage  to  have  his 
case  pressed  by  a  member  of  the  President's  family. 

Cool. 

But  you  will  not  abide  the  election  of  a  Kepublican 
President.  In  that  supposed  event,  you  say,  you  will 
destroy  the  Union  ;  and  then,  you  say,  the  great  crime 
of  having  destroyed  it  will  be  upon  us. 

That  is  cool.  A  highwayman  holds  a  pistol  to  my  ear, 
and  mutters  through  his  teeth,  "Stand  and  deUver,  or  I 
shall  kill  you  ;  and  then  you  will  be  a  murderer!"  To 
be  sure,  what  the  robber  demanded  of  me — my  money — 
was  my  own,  and  I  had  a  clear  right  to  keep  it :  but  it 
"was  no  more  my  own  than  my  vote  i&  my  own ;  and  the 
threat  of  death  to  me,  to  extort  my  money,  and  the 
threat  of  destruction  to  the  Union,  to  extort  my  vote, 
can  scarcely  be  distinguished  in  principle. — Speec\  Fthni^ 
ary^  1860. 

The  Mortgaged  Widow. 

A  WIDOW  woman  from  Michigan,  was  unable  to  meet 
a  mortgage  of  a  few  hundred  dollars  on  her  little  home, 
and  she  determined  to  get  it  from  the  Preside^t.  In 
her  simple  mind  she  had  no  doubt  of  his  boundless 
wealth,  or  that  when  once  he  heard  her  story  he  would 
pay  off  the  mortgage.  So  she  raised  some  money  among 
her  neighbors  by  subscription,  and  started  for  Washing- 


39 


LIMCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


ton,  traveling  by  all  sorts  of  conveyances,  and  of  course 
taking  the  longest  road,  and  bringing  her  four  little 
children  with  her.  How  she  did  it  is  a  mystery  only  to 
be  solved  by  Him  who  feeds  the  young  ravens,  but  she 
actually  reached  the  capital  with  more  money  than  when 
she  started,  and  fell  into  kind  and  charitable  hands  when 
she  got  there.  Of  course  she  saw  Mr.  Lincoln,  and  he 
listened  to  her  story  and  read  her  letters  with  a  half 
humorous,  half  vexed  expression  that  was  irresistible. 

He  did  not  say  much,  only  muttering  "children  and 
fools,  you  know,"  but  put  his  name  on  the  subscription 
papers  for  a  moderate  sum.  The  subscription  so  started 
rapidly  swelled  to  the  desired  amount,  and  the  poor 
woman  was  ticketed  homeward  over  the  Government 
routes,  puzzled  and  yet  satisfied.  She  had  spent  more 
money,  going  and  coming,  than  the  whole  of  debt  twice 
over.     Siich  is  wisdom. 

Don't  Swap  Horses  while  Crossing  the  Eiver. 
I  AM  not  insensible  at  all  to  the  personal  compliment 
there  is  in  this ;  and  yet  I  do  not  allow  myself  to  believe, 
that  any  but  a  small  portion  of  it  is  to  be  appropriated 
as  a  personal  compliment.  .  .  .  The  part  I  am  entitled 
to  appropriate  as  a  compHment  is  only  that  part  which  I 
may  lay  hold  of  as  being  the  opinion  of  the  Convention 
and  the  League,  that  I  am  not  entirely  unworthy  to  be 
intrusted  with  the  place  which  I  have  occupied  for  the 
last  three  years.  But  I  do  not  allow  myself  to  suppose, 
that  either  the  Convention  or  the  League  have  concluded 
to  decide  that  I  am  either  the  greatest  or  best  man  in 
America  ;  but  rather  they  have  concluded,  that  it  is  not 
best  to  sicap  horses  lohile  crossing  the  river  ;  and  have  further 
concluded,  that  I  am  not  so  poor  a  horse,  that  they  might  not 
make  a  h§tch  of  it  in  trying  to  swap. — Speech,  June,  1864. 

Which  Line  He  lights  On. 

It  is  a  pertinent  question,  often  asked  in  the  mind 
privately,  and  from  one  to  the  other,  When  is  the  war  to 
end  ?  Surely  I  feel  as  deep  an  interest  in  this  question 
as  any  other  can  ;  but  I  do  not  wish  to  name  a  day,  a 

month,  or  a  year,  when  it  is  to  end We  accepted 

this  war  for  an  object,—  a  worthy  object ;  and  the  war 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES-  39 

will  end  when  that  object  is  attained.  Under  God,  I 
hope  it  never  will  end  until  that  time.  Speaking  of  the 
present  campaign,  General  Grant  is  reported  to  have 
said,  *  *  I  am  going  through  on  this  line,  if  it  takes  all 
summer. "  This  war  has  taken  three  years ;  it  was  begun, 
or  accepted,  upon  the  line  of  restoring  the  national  au- 
thority over  the  whole  national  domain  ;  and  for  the 
American  peoj)le,  as  far  as  my  knowledge  enables  me  to 
speak,  I  say,  we  are  going  through  on  this  line,  if  it  takes 
three  years  more. — Speech^  June,  1864. 

He  Counts  for  Samho. 

The  following  incident,  as  related  by  the  Washington 
correspondent  of  the  '*  Chicago  Tribune,"  is  a  touching 
instance  of  his  genuine  goodness  of  heart,  combined 
with  the  native  simplicity  of  a  country  gentleman  : — 

' '  I  dropped  in  upon  Mr.  Lincoln  on  Monday  last,  and 
found  him  busily  engaged  in  counting  gTeenbacks. 
'This,  sir,'  said  he,  'is  something  out  of  my  usual  line  ; 
but  a  President  of  the  United  States  has  a  multipHcity 
of  duties  not  specified  in  the  Constitution,  or  Acts  of 
Congress  ;  this  is  one  of  them.  This  money  belongs  to 
a  poor  negro,  who  is  a  porter  in  one  of  the  departments 
(the  Treasury),  and  who  is  at  present  very  sick  with  the 
smaU-pox.  He  is  now  in  the  hospital,  and  could  not 
draw  his  pay,  because  he  could  not  sign  his  name.  *  I 
have  been  at  considerable  trouble  to  overcome  the  diffi- 
culty, and  get  it  for  him  ;  and  have  at  length  succeeded 
in  cutting  red  tape,  as  you  newspaper-men  say.  I  am 
now  dividing  the  money,  and  putting  by  a  portion,  la- 
belled in  an  envelope  with  my  own  hands,  according  to 
his  msh.' " 

"Old  Abe!" 

Speaking  of  a  certain  class  of  aiDi^licants  for  office,  re- 
minds Secretary  S.  of  a  fat  and  ruddy  individual,  in  a 
swallow-tailed  coat,  who  entered  his  office  one  morning 
with  an  expression  of  the  most  beaming,  gushing,  greasy 
and  cordial  familiarity,  and  asked  "if  Old  Abe  was  in  ?" 

"Wnom,  sir?" 

"Why,  Old  Abe?  I  want  to  see  him  a  few  mimutes. 
How  is  the  old  fellow,  anyvv'ay  ?  " 

"Really,  sii',  I  cannot  imagine  of  whom  you  can  be 


^0  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


inquiring,  unless,  indeed,  by  any  accident  you  are  trying 
to  speak  of  the  President  of  the  United  States.  If  so, 
he  is  in,  but  you  can't  see  him  to-day. 

**Notsee01dAbe!     Why  not?" 

It  required  several  unsatisfactory  remarks  to  explain 
matters  to  him.  I  wonder  if  some  people  do  imagine  it 
a  smart  thing  to  address  even  letters  to  public  men  by 
their  nick-names;  and,  if  so,  how  soon  they  get  their 
answers  on  an  average. 

Pop-G-uns,  etc. 
One  universal  idea  seemed  to  be  that  if  any  given  gun, 
cannon,  ship,  armor  or  all-killing  or  all-saving  apparatus 
chanced  to  take  the  eye  of  the  President,  it  must  there- 
upon speedily  be  adopted  for  army  use  and  fore  3d  into  a 
gi-and  success  by  Executive  authority.  It  was  in  vain 
that  Mr.  Lincoln  systematically  discouraged  this  notion, 
and  never  went  further,  even  with  inventions  that  pleased 
him  most,  than  to  order  an  examination  and  trial  by  the 
proper  professional  authorities.  Every  inventor  posted 
straight  to  the  White  House  with  his  "working  model." 
Mr.  Lincoln  had  very  good  mechanical  ability,  and  quick 
appreciation  of  what  was  practical  in  any  proposed  im- 
provement. Here,  as  elsewhere,  his  strong  common 
sense  came  in  play,  to  the  great  discomfiture  of  many  a 
shallow  quack  and  mechanical  enthusiast.  It  was  a  com- 
mon thing  for  the  makers  of  the  new  rifles,  shells, 
armor-vests,  gunboats,  breech-loading  cannon,  and  the 
multitudinous  nameless  contrivances  which  came  into 
being  in  the  heat  and  excitement  of  the  times  by  a 
species  of  spontaneous  generation,  either  to  invite  him 
to  witness  a  trial  or  to  send  him  a  specimen — the  latter 
being  frequently  intended  as  a  *' jjresentation  copy." 
On  the  grounds  near  the  Potomac,  south  of  the  White 
House,  was  a  huge  pile  of  old  lumber,  not  to  be  damaged 
by  balls,  and  a  good  many  mornings  I,  says  his  Private 
Secretary,  have  been  out  there  with  the  President,  by 
previous  appointment,  to  try  such  rifles  as  were  sent  in. 
There  was  no  danger  of  hitting  any  one,  and  the  Presi- 
dent, who  was  a  very  good  shot,  enjoyed  the  relaxation 
very  much.  One  morning  early  we  were  having  a  good 
time — he   with   his  favorite    *' Spencer,"    and   I   with 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  « 


a  villainous  kicking  nondescript,  with  a  sort  of  patent 
back-action  breech,  that  left  my  shoulder  black  and 
l^lne— when  a  squad  from  some  regiment  which  had  just 
been  put  on  guard  in  that  locahty  pounced  on  us  for 
what  seemed  to  them  a  manifest  disobedience  of  all 
*' regulations."  I  heard  the  shout  of  the  officer  in  com- 
mand and  saw  them  coming,  but  as  the  President  was 
busy  drawing  a  very  particular  bead — for  I  had  been 
beating  him  a  little— I  said  nothing  until  down  they 
came.  In  response  to  a  decidedly  unceremonious  hail, 
the  Preddent,  in  some  astonishment,  di-ew  back  from 
his  stooping  posture,  and  turned  upon  them  the  full 
length  six  feet  four  of  their  beloved  "  Commanner-in- 
Chief."  They  stood  and  looked  one  moment,  and  then 
fairly  ran  away,  leaving  his  Excellency  laughing  heartily  at 
their  needless  discomfiture.  He  only  remarked  :  ' '  Well, 
they  might  have  stayed  and  seen  the  shooting." 

The  Presidental  Umbrella. 

Edward — the  venerable  messenger  at  the  door  of  the 
President's  room — for  four  administrations  doorkeeper 
of  the  White  Hou%e,  was  an  inexhaustible  well  of  inci- 
dent and  anecdote  concerning  the  old  worthies  and  un- 
worthies.  An  undersized,  neatly  dressed,  polite,  comi- 
cal old  man,  with  a  world  of  genuine  Irish  wit  in  his 
white  head.  He  it  was  who  went  with  Fillmore  to  look 
at  a  carriage  which  the  necessities  of  some  Southern 
magnate  had  thrown  upon  the  market. 

"Well,  Edward,"  said  the  President,  *'and  how  will 
it  do  for  the  President  of  the  United  States  to  buy  a 
second-hand  carriage  ?  " 

*'And  sure,  yer  Excellency,  and  ye're  only  a  second- 
hand President,  ye  know  ! " 

Mr.  Fillmore  took  the  joke,  but  not  the  carriage. 
This  anecdote  was  told  me  by  Mr.  Lincoln,  and  was 
called  up  by  the  following  :  One  dark  and  rainy  evening 
we  had  got  as  far  as  the  door,  on  our  way  to  Gen. 
McClellan's  headquarters,  without  an  umbrella,  and  Ed- 
ward was  sent  back  after  one,  the  President  telling  him 
whereabouts  he  might  find  it.  In  a  few  minutes  he 
came  back,  announcing  a  fruitless  search,  and  adding, 


4a  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

"Sure,  yer  Excellency,  and  the  owner  must  have  come 
for  it!" 

The  President  laughed  heartily,  and  Edward  found  us 
another  umbrella. 

The  Lost  "  Little  Pat  Man." 

Some  people  attended  "levees,"' as  they  were  called, 
with  the  dim  idea  that  they  were  about  to  make  the  ac- 
quaintance of  the  President  and  his  wife,  and  prepared 
themselves  for  a  quiet  little  chat,  with  stores  of  questions 
about  this  and  advice  about  that  for  Father  Abraham. 
Others,  not  expecting  much  time  to  themselves,  would 
prepare  patriotic  little  speeches,  which  they  would  launch 
with  sudden  fervor  and  wonderfully  rapid  utterance  at 
the  head  of  the  President.  There  was  a  little  wee  bit  of 
a  fat  man,  half  smothered  in  the  crowd,  stretching  out  a 
hand  through  a  chink  in  the  procession,  as  if  he  was 
drowning,  and  while  the  laughing  President  shook  him 
almost  convulsively  thereby,  the  persistent  little  orator 
under  difficulties,  wheezed  out  some  choked  sentences 
about  freedom,  glory,  emancipation,  etc.  When  Mr. 
Lincoln  let  go  of  him  he  disappeared. 

Smokers  Smoked  Out. 

In  the  latter  part  of  the  war  a  formal  guard  was  kept, 
says  his  Private  Secretary,  both  at  the  White  House  and 
when  the  President  was  at  the  Soldiers'  Home.     This 
guard  were  proud  of  their  duty,  and  sometimes  exerted 
a  degree  of  zeal  that  might  have  been  dispensed  with. 
At  one  time,  after  several  wooden  buildings,  containing 
army  stores,  etc.,  had  been  destroyed  by  fire,  a  general 
order  was  issued  by  the  Commander  of  the  District, 
forbidding  any  one  to  approach  any  of  the  public  build- 
ings with  a  lighted  cigar.     Although  the  intent  of  the 
order  was  clear  enough,  the  officer  in  command  of  the 
President's  Guard  decided  that  it  applied  to  the  Execu- 
tive Mansion  and  grounds.     In  consequence,  that  even- 
ing,   as  I   approached    the    gate,    puffing  away  at  my 
customary  after-dinner  Havana,  I  was  compelled,  by  the 
rifleman  on  duty,  to  pitch  my  luxury  into  the  gutter,  in 
spite  of  sundry  grumbling  expostulations.     There  was, 
however,  a  mounted  man  also  on  guard,  and  before  I 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES  *3 


liad  proceeded  mauy  steps  he  shouted,  "Hey!  Mr. 
Secretary,  won't  you  just  come  here  a  moment?" 
and  as  1  approached  him,  "that  wooden-headed  cuss  has 
got  off  a  couple  of  good  jokes  since  he  came  on,  if  he 
only  knew  it,,  and  I  wish  you  would  tell  them  to  Mr. 
Lincoln.  I'll  bet  he'll  laugh  well.  You  see  he  hadn't 
been  there  five  mimutes,  with  his  head  full  of  his  new 
order,  when  along  comes  old  Seward,  and  you  know  he's 
always  a  smokin'.  Well,  he  didn't  want  to  throw  his 
cigar  away,  a  bit,  but  he  was  good  natured  about  it,  and 
said  something  about  people  having  to  give  up  a  good 
many  things  on  account  of  the  war,  and  he  went  on. 
Then,  in  a  minute  or  so,  up  comes  Ben.  Butler,  in  full 
military  fig,  and  he  was  smokin'  too.     'You  musht  put 

out  dat  cigar,'  says  guardy,  for  he's  Dutch  as .     '  Are 

those  your  orders,  sir  ?'  says  Butler,  drawing  himself  up, 
and  tryirg  to  look  at  the  fellow  with  both  eyes.  '  WeU, 
sir,  orders  are  orders,  and  they  must  be  obeyed  !'  And 
so  the  General  threw  his  cigar  over  the  fence.  It's  a 
humbug,  you  know,  but  then  it's  fun  to  see  cocks  liko 
them  obeying  orders." 

The  thing  was  funnv,  and  quite  reconciled  me  to  my 
loss.  When  I  related  it  to  Mr.  Lincoln  he  laughed 
heartily.     "  What !  did  Seward  throw  his  cigar  away?" 

"Yes,  sir." 

"And  Ben.  Butler  too  ?" 

"  Yes,  with  appropriate  remarks." 

"  Well,  it's  a  very  good  joke,  but  I  guess  it  has  gone 
far  enough." 

So  the  zealous  captain  of  the  guard  was  sent  for  and 
the  prohibition  removed,  to  the  great  comfort  of  all  the 
smokers.  It  was  said  that  the  boys  caught  Mr.  Stanton 
himself  before  they  lifted  the  embargo,  but  I  do  not 
luiow  how  truly. 

The  2d  Inaugural  Address. 
4th  of  march,  1865. 

FELiiOW-CouNTEYMEN— At  this  sccoud  appearing  to 
take  the  oath  of  the  Presidential  office,  there  is  less 
occasion  for  an  extended  address  than  there  was  at  the 
first.  Then  a  statement  somewhat  in  detail  of  a  course 
to  be  pursued  seemed  very  fitting  and  proper.    Now,  at 


44  L?NCOLM'S     ANECDOTES. 


tlie  expiration  of  four  years,  during  which  public  declara- 
tions have  constantly  been  called  forth  on  every  point 
and  phase  of  the  great  contest  which  still  absorbs  the 
attention  and  engrosses  the  energies  of  the  nation,  little 
that  is  new  could  be  presented. 

The  progress  of  our  arms,  upon  which  all  else  chiefly 
depends,  is  as  well  known  to  the  public  an  to  myself; 
and  it  is,  I  trust,  reasonably  satisfactory  and  encouraging 
to  all.  With  high  hope  for  the  future,  no  prediction  in 
regard  to  it  is  ventured.  On  the  occasion  corresponding 
to  this,  four  years  ago,  all  thoughts  v,^ere  anxiously  di- 
rected to  an  impending  civil  war.  All  dreaded  it,  all 
sought  to  avoid  it.  While  the  inaugural  address  was 
being  delivered  from  this  place,  devoted  altogether  to 
saving  the  Union  without  v/ar,  insurgent  agents  were  in 
the  city,  seeking  to  destroy  it  without  war— seeking  to 
dissolve  the  Union  and  divide  the  effects  by  negotiation. 
Both  i)arties  deprecated  war ;  but  one  of  them  would 
make  war  rather  than  let  the  nation  survive,  and  the 
other  would  accept  war  rather  than  let  it  perish :  and  the 
war  came. 

One-eighth  of  the  whole  population  were  colored 
slaves,  not  distributed  generally  over  the  Union,  but 
located  in  the  southern  part  of  it.  These  slaves  consti- 
tuted a  peculiar  and  powerful  interest.  All  knew  that 
this  interest  was  somehow  the  cause  of  the  war.  To 
strengthen,  perpetuate,  and  extend  this  interest  was  the 
object  for  which  the  insurgents  would  rend  the  Union 
by  war,  while  Government  claimed  no  right  to  do  more 
than  to  restrict  the  territorial  enlargement  of  it.  Neither 
party  expected  the  magnitude  or  the  duration  which  it 
has  already  attained.  Neither  anticipated  that  the  cause 
of  the  conflict  might  cease,  even  before  the  conflict 
itself  should  cease.  Each  looked  for  an  easier  triumph, 
and  a  result  less  fundamental  and  astounding.  Both 
read  the  same  Bible  and  pray  to  the  same  God,  and  each 
invokes  his  aid  against  the  other.  It  may  seem  strange 
that  any  man  should  dare  to  ask  a  just  God's  assistance 
in  wringing  his  bread  from  the  sweat  of  other  men's 
faces.  But  let  us  judge  not,  that  we  be  not  judged.  The 
prayer  of  both  should  not  be  answered.     That  of  neither 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  4:5 

has  been  answer^id  fully.  The  Almighty  has  his  own 
purposes.  "Woe  unto  the  world  because  of  offences, 
for  it  must  needs  be  that  offences  come ;  but  woe  to  that 
man  by  whom  the  offence  cometh."  If  we  shall  suppose 
that  American  slavery  is  one  of  these  offences,  which,  in 
the  providence  of  God,  must  needs  come,  but  which, 
having  continued  through  his  appointed  time,  he  now 
wills  to  remove,  and  that  he  gives  to  both  North  and 
South  this  terrible  war  as  the  woe  due  to  those  by  whom 
the  offence  came,  shall  we  discern  therein  any  departure 
from  those  divine  attributes  which  the  believers  in  a  liv- 
ing God  alwajs  ascribe  to  him  ? 

Fondly  do  we  hope,  fervently  do  w^  pray,  that  this 
mighty  scourge  of  war  may  speedily  p.iss  away.  Yet  if 
God  wills  that  it  continue  until  all  the  wealth  piled  by  the 
bondman's  two  hundred  and  fifty  years  of  unrequited 
toil  shall  be  sunk,  and  until  every  drop  of  blood  drawn 
with  the  lash  shall  be  paid  by  another  drawn  with  the 
sword ;  as  was  said  three  thousand  y  ears  ago,  so  still  it 
must  be  said,  that  the  judgments  of  the  Lord  are  true 
and  righteous  altogether. 

"With  malice  towards  none,  with  c!iarity  for  all,  with 
firmness  in  the  right,  as  God  gives  us  to  see  the  right,  let 
us  strive  on  to  finish  the  work  we  are  in ;  to  bind  up  the 
nation's  wound;  to  care  for  him  who  shall  have  borne 
the  battle,  and  for  his  widow  and  his  orphans  ;  to  do  all 
which  may  achieve  and  cherish  a  just  and  lasting  peace 
among  ourselves,  and  with  all  nations. 

Lincoln  for  President,  Doctor! 

My  first  view  of  Mr.  Lincoln  as  the  great  man  he  really 
was  happened  in  this  wise.  Some  nine  months  before 
the  meeting  of  the  Chicago  Republican  Convention  in 
1860,  my  partner  and  I  began  to  discuss  the  subject, 
'*  Whose  name  shall  we  hang  out  as  our  candidate  ?  "  It 
was  still  full  early  in  the  season,  and  we  were  in  no  hurry 
for  a  decision.  The  writer  of  the  above,  Mr.  Stoddard, 
goes  on  to  state :  ^i  p 

Early  one  morning,  just  after  I  had  finished  my  break- 
fast, I  strolled  into  the  office  of  the  hotel  where  I 
boarded,  for  a  chat  with  some  one  before  going  to  work. 
The  room  was  emj)ty  when  I  entered,  but  in  a  moment 


46  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

the  door  opened  and  Mr.  Lincoln  came  in.  He  seated 
himself  quietly  by  the  fire  and  took  off  his  hat,  which 
was  packed  full  of  letters  just  taken  from  the  Post- 
Office.  I  was  about  to  si)eak  to  him,  as  usual,  when  I 
was  arrested  by  something  thoughtful  and  abstracted  in 
his  manner,  and,  as  I  always  had  a  "strong  weakness" 
for  taking  observations  of  remarkable  men,  I  kept  my 
seat  in  silence.  He  opened  letter  after  letter,  burning 
some  and  glancing  hastily  over  others,  until  he  readied 
one  somewhat  longer  than  common,  which  seemed  to 
affect  him  profoundly.  He  was  evidently  thinking,  and 
thinking  deeply ;  and  so  few  men  know  by  experience 
what  genuine  hard  thinking  is,  that  I  fear  that  this  will 
hardly  convey  my  meaning. 

Leaning  forward,  with  his  hands  folded  across  his 
knee,  he  gazed  abstractedly  into  the  fire,  his  rugged 
face  gradually  lighting  up  with  vivid  and  changing  ex- 
pressions until  it  was  almost  transfigured. 

I  felt,  without  knowing  how  or  why,  that  the  gaunt 
form  before  me  was  that  of  no  ordinary  man.  I  had 
seen,  and,  as  it  were,  accidentally  looked  into  (through 
his  face)  one  of  the  great  ones  of  history.  Long  as  I 
knew  him  afterwards,  I  never  saw  so  much  of  him  again. 

Without  disturbing  him,  I  quietly  stole  from  the  room 
and  hurried  to  my  office. 

"Doctor,  I  have  made  up  mind  whom  we  are  going  to 
support  for  the  next  Presidency." 

"Well,  who  is  it?" 

"Abraham  Lincoln,  of  Illinois!" 

"  What !     Old  Abe  ?    Nonsense ! " 

"No  nonsense  about  it,  I  tell  you.     He  is  our  man,  for 

certain." 

"Pshaw!  every  one  likes  him  well  enough,  but  we 
never  could  get  him  nominated.  For  Vice  President 
now,  and  because  we  are  Illinoisans — " 

"Lincoln  for  President,  Doctor,  and  nobody  else. 
My  mind  is  made  up." 

And  as  I  generally  had  my  own  way,  after  a  brief  trip 
to  Springfield  to  open  communication  with  his  friends, 
etc, ,  the  name  of  Abraham  Lincoln  blazed  in  broad  let- 
ters at  our  editorial  masthead.      We  were,  as  far  as 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  ^7 


known,  the  first  in  the  field,  and  it  had  an  imi^ortaut 
result  for  me,  of  which,  at  that  time,  I  never  di-eamed ; 
it  drew  Mr.  Lincoln's  attention  to  me  personally,  and 
procured  for  me,  the  opportunity  T  afterwards  had,  in 
his  own  household,  of  learning  a  still  more  profound 
reverence  for  the  great  man  I  had  seen  in  the  light  of 
the  fire  that  chilly  prairie  morning. 

"In  Love." 
Lying  before  me  upon  my  study-table,  says  Mr.  F.  B. 
Carpenter  in  a  very  interesting  series  of  "Unpublished 
Incidents  and  Anecdotes  of  Abraham  Lincoln,"  is  a  plain 
brown  leather-bound  book,  bearing  the  marks  both  of 
age  and  use.  The  title-page,  in  old-fashioned  leather, 
contains  the  words, 

'«THE  WORKS   OF  LORD   BYRON. 

Philadelphia  ;   Griggs  &  Elliott. 

1838." 

Upon  the  fly-leaf  is  written  in  ink, 

"A.   LINCOLN, 
Presented  by  his  friend,  N.  W.  Edwards." 

This  is  in  Mr.  Lincoln's  hand-writing.  Upon  the  page 
facing  this  are  two  columns  of  figures  in  pencil,  which 
look  like  election  returns,  with  their  footing  carefully 
comi^uted — also  in  Mr.  Lincoln's  hand.  Underneath 
there  is  an  inscription  by  the  Hon.  Wm.  H.  Herndon, 
of  Springfield,  HI.,  who  requests,  in  characteristic  phrase, 
that  "this  book"  maybe  kept  in  the  possession  of  the 
friend  to  whom  he  dedicates  it,  "for  the  forever  of 
books." 

A  letter  accompanied  the  gift,  in  which  Mr.  Herndon 
states  that  "this  book  was  given  to  Mr.  Lincoln  by  his 
brother-in-law,  N.  W.  Edwards,  in  1839  or  40;"  that 
"Mr.  Lincoln  read  it  year  in  and  year  out,  till  Shakes- 
peare and  Euclid  swallowed  up  all  other  books. "  Several 
other  old  volumes  accompanied  its  presentation  by  Mr. 
Lincoln  to  Mr.  Herndon — "Goldsmith,  Locke,  Gibbon," 
in  strange  company  with  "Patent  Office  Reports," 
"Congressional  Globes,"  etc.,  etc. 

A  new  phase  in  Mr.  Lincoln's  character  has  lately  been 
opened  in  the  revelation  of  his  early  attachment  to  a 
young  lady  of  New  Salem,  whose  death  soon  after  their 
engagement  threw  him  into  profound  melancholy,  chang- 


AH  LEE^COLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

ing  the  whole  course  of  his  after  life.  The  "Byron" 
before  me  came  into  his  hands  within  a  few  years  of  this 
event.  It  bears  no  marks  of  pen  or  pencil  other  than 
those  described  ;  bnt  upon  turning  its  pages  the  curious 
observer  is  arrested  by  one  folded  leaf — one  only,  in  all 
the  book.  The  page  is  discolored,  and  the  fold  of  the 
leaf  seems  as  old  as  the  book  itself — it  is  firmly,  solidly 
pressed  together  like  a  withered  flower.  The  eye  runs 
down  the  page,  and  is  stopped  by  two  verses,  entitled 

•♦WRITTEN  AT  ATHENS,  JANUAKY  16th,  1810. 

♦♦The  spell  is  broke,  the  charm  is  flown, 

Thus  is  it  with  life's  fitful  fever  ; 
Wo  madly  smile  when  we  should  groan. 

Delirium  is  our  best  deceiver. 

♦'  Each  lucid  interval  of  thought 

Eecalls  the  woes  of  Nature's  charter, 
And  he  that  acts  as  wise  men  ought 

But  lives,  as  saints  have  died,  a  martyr." 

Were  these  lines  to  Abraham  Lincoln,  in  1839,  simply 
co-incident  with  his  thought  at  this  period  of  his  life,  or 
were  they  a  prophecy  ? 

"Ploughing  Around." 
The  enlistment  of  negroes  in  the  Eastern  Department 
of  the  army  commenced  under  General  Schenck's  com- 
mand, in  Maryland,  and  contemplated  at  first  the  enhst- 
ment  only  of  the  free  blacks.     Much  trouble   was  occa- 
sioned, however,  from  the  fact  that  it  was  often  impossi- 
ble to  teU  whether  the  "  recruits"  presenting  themselves 
were  free  or  not ;   masters  frequently  coming  forward 
and     claiming     parties    who     had     enlisted.     General 
Schenck  at  leugth  went  to  Washington  to  ascertain  what 
policy  the  Administration  proposed  to  pursue  in  the  mat- 
ter.    He  stated  his  case  to  the  President,  explaining  his 
difficulties,  and  asked  for  instructions.     Mr.  Lincoln  re- 
plied that  he  had  no  special  instructions  to  give  ;  the 
condition  of  things  at  that  juncture  was  such   that  it 
seemed  best  to  have  no  definite  policy  on  the  subject. — 
Commanders  of  the  departments  must  act  according  to 
their  best  judgment.     *•  You  see,  Schenck,"  continued 
Mr.  Lincoln,   "we  are  like  an  old  acquaintance  of  mine 
who  settled  on  a  piece  of  *  galled '  prairie.     It  was  a  terri- 
ble rough  place  to  clear  up  ;  but  after  a  while  he  got  a 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  *» 


few  things  growing-here  and  there  a  patch  of  corn,  a 
few  hills  of  beans,  and  so  on.  One  day  a  stranger  stopped 
to  look  at  his  place,  and  wanted  to  know  how  he  managed 
to  cultivate  so  rough  a  spot  'WeU,'  was  the  reply, 
« some  ot  it  is  pretty  tough.  The  smaUer  stumps  I  can 
generaUy  root  out  or  burn  out ;  but  now  and  then  there 
is  an  old  settler  that  bothers  me,  and  there  is  no  other 
way  but  to  plough  around  it.'  "Now,  Schenck,"  Mr. 
Lincoln  concluded,  *'  at  such  a  time  as  this,  troublesome 
cases  are  constantly  coming  up,  and  the  only  way  to  get 
along  at  all  is  to  plough  around  them." 

Mr.  Lincoln's  Waste  Basket. 
Agaik  and  again,  says  the  President's  Confidential 
officer,  have  I  experienced  the  liveliest  amusement  in 
having  local  poUticians  and  others  boast  of  the  effect 
their  advice  has  evidently  had  upon  the  mind  of  the 
President,  and  describe  the  course  which  they  had 
marked  out  for  his  future  action.  More  than  one  has 
asked  me  if  I  had  ever  heard  Mr.  Lincoln  speak  of  his 
letters,  and  if  such  and  such  a  one  was  not  read  in  Cabi- 
net council.  Dante  should  have  seen  my  willow  basket 
before  he  completed  his  list  of  limbos.  Its  edge  was 
truly  a  bourne  from  which  no  traveler  returned. 

One  day  a  well-dressed  gentleman— a  judge,  or  some- 
thing of  the  kind,  at  home— sat  in  my  room  looking  on 
at  the  performance  of  my  morning  job  of  destruction, 
twisting  uneasily  in  his  chair,  and  changing  from  red  to 
pale  with  indignation,  until  he  could  contain  his  gather- 
ed wrath  no  longer.  He  had  evidently  indulged  in 
letter- writing  himself. 

*'  "Was  that  the  way  in  which  I  dajred  to  serve  the  Pres- 
ident's correspondence  ?  Was  this  the  manner  in  which 
the  people  were  prevented  from  reaching  Mr.  Lincoln  ? 
He  would  complain  of  me  to  my  master  at  once  !  Teach 
me  a  thing  or  two  about  my  duties  !  See  if  this  was  to 
be  allowed  I  A  mere  boy  in  such  an  important  place  as 
tnat  1"  And  so  on  for  some  moments,  until  I  looked 
up  and  requested  him  to  be  still  for  a  moment,  while  I 
read  him  a  few  of  the  precious  documents  I  was  des- 
troying. 

Of  course,  I  made  judicious  selections  to  suit  the  occa- 


$Q  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

sion,  for  he  was  evidently  intensely  resiDectable  and  pa- 
triotic. I  began  with  an  epistle  full  of  \  ulgar  abuse  that 
*' riled"  the  old  gentleman  fearfull3\  Next  I  put  in  a 
proclamation  "written  in  blood,"  and  signed  by  the 
*'  Angel  Gabriel ;"  and  wound  up  with  a  horrible  thing 
from  an  obscene,  idiotic  lunatic — a  regular  correspond- 
ent. The  last  was  too  much  for  him,  and  he  begged  me 
to  stop.  It  was,  indeed,  sickening  enough.  I  told  him 
that  if  he  insisted  on  the  President's  giving  his  time  to 
such  things  he  must  take  them  in  himself,  as  really  I  was 
forbidden  to  do  so.  The  old  gentleman.,  however, 
thought  better  of  me  by  that  time,  and  leaned  back  in 
his  chair  to  moralize  on  the  total  depravity  of  human  na- 
ture. 

Mere  "  Scrubs." 

The  day  after  the  issue  of  the  Emancipation  Proclama- 
tion Senator  Wade  called  upon  the  President  to  con- 
gratulate him.  He  was  met  by  Mr.  Lincoln,  asking  if 
he  remembered  the  fable  illustration  of  ' '  the  attempt  to 
wash  the  blackamoor  white,'^  and  the  result — the  death  of 
the  hlack.  "And,"  continued  Mr.  Lincoln,  "I  fear  in 
this  case  that  between  the  North  and  the  South  the 
chances  are  that  the  poor  oiegro  will  get  scnibbed  to  death." 

More  Whiskey 

Mr.  Lincoln  was  a  man  of  genius — a  man  of  powerful 
instincts  and  keen  intuitions — rather  than  of  close  and 
accurate  reasoning  powers.  In  the  latter,  though  his 
natural  abilities  were  great,  he  yet  at  times  showed  the 
lack  of  early  systematic  training.  Perhaps  this  was  a 
loss,  but  I  incline  to  the  opposite  opinion.  His  percep- 
tions guided  him  well  through  labyrinths  where  logic 
would  have  been  bewildered.  His  personal  attachments 
were  strong,  and  may  at  times  have  blinded  him  to  faults 
of  character  in  others  which  would  otherwise  have  met 
with  his  earnest  condemnation — though  he  never  com- 
mitted the  absurdity  of  expecting  perfection  from  his 
fellow  men.  His  personal  habits  were  of  the  simplest 
kind,  and  there  was  not  a  particle  of  fuss  and  feathers 
in  his  composition.  He  was  not  slovenly,  but  seldom 
knew  or  cared  whether  or  not  he  was  well  dressed.  He 
used  neither  tobacco  nor  intoxicating  liquors  in  any 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  6t 


form,  though  not  disposed  to  quarrel  with  those  who 
chose  to  do  so.  Indeed,  once,  when  a  delegation  of 
Grant's  enemies  (he  was  then  commanding  in  the  West) 
accused  the  General  of  intemperance,  he  begged  them 
to  tell  him  where  Grant  got  his  whiskey,  as  he  would 
like  to  purchase  a  few  barrels  for  some  of  the  Eastern 
Generals,  *'if  that  was  what  made  him  behave  as  he  did." 
The  Pennsylvania  Raid. 

At  the  time  of  the  first  raid  of  Lee's  army  into  Mary- 
land and  Pennsylvania,  much  alarm  was  felt  in  Philadel- 
phia, lest  that  city  mi£'ht  fall  into  their  hands.  A  gen- 
tleman on  his  way  to  Washington,  witnessing  the  excite- 
ment in  Philadelphia,  expected  to  find  Washington  also 
in  a  ferment.  On  the  contrary,  the  Capital  was  as  quiet 
as  though  *'  raids"  were  unknown.  Eeporting  the  alarm 
felt  in  Philadelphia  to  Mr.  Lincoln,  the  gentleman  ex- 
pressed his  surprise  at  the  absence  of  excitement  in 
Washington. 

*'When  I  was  studying  law,"  Mr.    Lincoln  replied, 

haK   abstractedly,   "I  boarded  with   a  Mr. .      One 

night  I  went  to  bed  as  usual,  and  was  awakened  in  the 
middle  of  the  night  by  my  landlord,  who  stood  by  the 
side  of  my  bed,  with  nothing  on  but  his  shirt,  trembliiDg 
with  fright.  'Lincoln,'  said  he,  '  get  up  !  The  ',vorld  is 
coming  to  an  end  !'  I  jumped  out  of  bed,  and  ran  to  a 
window.  And,  sure  enough,  it  seemed  as  though  the  man 
was  right ;  all  the  stars  in  heaven  appeared  to  be  falling. 
I  looked  on  for  some  time,  expecting  a  crash  ;  but  none 
came.  Finally,  I  thought  I  would  look  for  my  familiar 
constellations— the  '  Hen  and  Chickens,'  the  *  Sow  and 
Pigs,'  and  'Ellen  Carter.'  They  were  in  their  old  places, 
shining  as  serenely  as  though  shooting  stars  had  never 
been  heard  of.  I  watched  them  awhile  ;  and  seeing 
them  firm  and  steady  as  ever,  I  made  up  my  mind  that 
it  was  not  going  to  be  much  of  a  shower  after  all ;  so  I 
went  to  bed  again.  And  I  think  this  raid  will  turn  out 
much  the  same  way. "  • 

The  President  and  the  Players. 

So  much  has  been  said  about  Mr.  Lincoln's  theatre 
going  that  a  great  many  people  have  imbibed  the  idea 
that  his  tastes  were  dramatic ;  but  this  was  not  so.     With 


S3  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

the  exception  of  a  few  of  Shakespeare's  plays,  it  is  not 
believed  that  he  ever  read  a  play  in  his  Hfe. 

He  was  heard  to  say  that  there  were  several  of  even 
Shakespeare's  dramas  at  which  he  had  hardly  ever 
looked.  "Macbeth"  was  certainly  one  of  his  prime  fa- 
vorities,  and  he  went  one  night  to  see  Charlotte  C  ash- 
man as  Lady  Mabeth.  It  was,  of  course,  a  grand  im- 
personation, but  it  was  impossible  to  get  Mr.  Lincoln  to 
make  many  comments  upon  it.  He  seemed  to  havo  a 
poor  opinion  of  his  own  powers  as  a  dramatic  critic. 
Another  of  his  favorites  was  **  Othello,*'  and  he  eagerly 
embraced  the  opportunity  of  seeing  it  when  Davenport 
and  WaUack  brought  it  out  in  Washington.  Everbody 
who  was  present  must  have  been  struck  with  the  keen 
interest  with  which  he  followed  the  development  of 
lago's  subtle  treachery.  One  would  have  thought  that 
such  a  character  would  have  had  few  points  of  attraction 
for  a  man  to  whose  own  nature  all  its  peculiar  traits 
were  so  utterly  foreign.  Perhaps  he  was  fascinated  by 
that  very  contrast. 

He  did  not  lose  a  word  or  a  motion  of  the  actor,  who 
played  his  part  exceedingly  well,  and  conversed  between 
the  acts  with,  for  him,  a  very  near  approach  to  excite- 
ment. He  seemed  to  be  studying  what  sort  of  soul  a 
born  traitor  might  have.  His  strong  love  of  humor 
made  Falstaff  a  great  favorite  with  him,  and  he  ex- 
pressed a  great  desire  to  see  Hackett  in  that  character. 
The  correspondence  between  that  gentleman  and  Mr. 
Lincoln  has  already  been  pubUshed.  He  expressed  him- 
self greatly  pleased  with  the  representation,  and  went 
more  than  once  during  Hackett's  engagement.  One 
who  was  with  him  the  first  night,  expected  to  see  him 
give  himself  up  to  the  merriment  of  the  hour.  To  the 
observer's  surprise,  however,  he  appeared  even  gloomy, 
although  intent  upon  the  play,  and  it  was  only  a  few 
times  during  the  whole  performance  that  he  went  so  far 
as  torlaugh  at  all,  and  then  not  heartily.  He  seemed  for 
once  to  be  studying  the  character  and  its  rendering 
critically,  as  if  to  ascertain  the  correctness  of  his  own 
conception  as  compared  with  that  of  the  professional 
artist.     He  afterwards  received  a  call  from  Mr.  Hackett, 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES  63 


and  conversed  freely,  frankly  acknowledging  his  want  of 
accquaintance  with  dramatic  subjects.  Had  his  early 
education  been  of  a  sort  to  develope  more  perfectly  his 
literary  tastes,  his  keen  insight  into  human  nature,  and 
his  appreciation  of  humorous  and  other  eccentricities  of 
character,  would  have  enabled  him  to  have  derived  the 
highest  degree  of  enjoyment  from  the  creations  of  the 
great  masters.  As  it  was,  he  probably  understood 
Shakespeare,  so  far  as  he  had  read  him,  far  better  than 
many  men  who  set  themselves  up  for  critical  authorities. 
He  himself  deserves  to  be  depicted  by  some  pen  not  less 
graphic  than  the  immortal  bard's. 

A  Black  Man's  Note, 

Mb.  Huntington,  cashier  of  the  First  National  Bank 
of  Washington,  meeting  an  old  friend  of  Mr.  Lincoln's 
one  morning,  remarked,  "  That  President  of  yours  is  the 
oddest  man  alive.  Why,  he  endorses  notes  for  niggers !" 
It  seems  that  some  time  before  a  colored  man  finding 
himself  in  danger  of  losing  his  house  for  the  want  of  $150, 
went  to  INIr.  Lincoln  and  told  his  story.  The  result  was 
that  the  man  made  a  two  months'  note,  and  Mr.  Lincoln 
endorsed  it.  The  note  was  discounted  by  some  one,  and 
found  its  way  into  Huntington's  bank  for  collection. 
Upon  its  maturity  the  colored  man  failed  to  respond. — 
Instead  of  serving  the  customary  notice  of  protest  upon 
the  endorser,  the  cashier  took  the  note  in  person  to  Mr. 
Lincoln,  who  at  once  offered  to  pay  it.  Mr.  Huntington 
said  :  "Mr.  President,  you  have  tried  to  help  a  fellow- 
mortal  along.  I  am  not  willing  that  you  should  suffer 
this  entire  loss  ;  we  will  divide  it  between  us,"  and  the 
affair  was  thus  settled. 

"  Model"  Men. 

Speaking  of  Mr.  Lincoln  and  his  guns  puts  his  Secre- 
tary in  mind  of  the  balloon  men.  Mr.  Lincoln  himself 
had  for  years  been  decidely  interested  in  the  science  of 
aerostation  (is  that  the  right  word?),  and  I  have  a  sus- 
picion that  at  some  time  or  other  he  had  meddled  with  it 
practically  in  a  small  way.  When  the  army  began  to 
employ  balloons  for  military  reconnoissances,  a  host  of 
ingenious  fellows  all  over  the  country  turned  their  atten- 
tion to  the  art  of  serial  navigation,  and,  as  a  matter  of 


54  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


course,  every  man  of  them  was  sure  that  he  had  the  right 
machine,  if  he  could  only  get  Government  to  build  one 
of  sufficient  size  to  prove  it. 

It  would,  indeed,  have  required  a  big  balloon  to  have 
proved  the  value  of  some  of  the  inventions  whose  *'  draw- 
ings and  specifications,"  often  accompanied  by  a  small 
and  rude  model,  from  time  to  time  cumbered  my  table. 
A  good  share  of  these  inventors  began  by  a  modest  re- 
quest for  a  few  hundred  dollars  to  bring  them  to  Wash- 
ington. One  fellow  proposed  an  iron-clad  balloon  to 
carry  heavy  guns.  He  succeeded  in  raising  a  good  laugh, 
if  nothing  else. 

The  most  pertinacious  of  all  was  a  chap  who  rigged  up 
a  sort  of  wooden  model  in  the  basement  of  the  White 
House — an  upright  stick  with  a  long  arm  on  a  pivot,  to 
which  his  air-boat  was  attached.  His  clock-work  and 
propeller  did  certainly  work  until  it  ran  down,  and  Mr. 
Lincoln  spent  an  odd  hour  or  so  in  eximining  the  ar- 
rangement. I  believe  that  he  voted  it  *'  curious  but  not 
useful." 

Mr.   Lincoln  as  "Deborah,'' 

In  May  or  June,  1862,  a  delegation  of  what  are  known 
in  Pennsylvania  as  "Progressive  Friends"  visited  Mr. 
Liccoln,  among  many  others,  to  urge  upon  him  decisive 
action  upon  the  slavery  question.  The  delegation  was 
composed  of  both  men  and  women.  In  an  address  de- 
livered upon  this  occasion  Mr,  Lincoln  was  likened  to 
Deborah,  the  deliverer  of  Israel ;  and  a  quotation  was 
made  from  his  Springfield  speech  in  his  campaign  with 
Douglas,  with  the  intimation  that  he  was  expected  to 
stand  by  his  anti-slavery  principles.  The  conclusion  of 
the  address  was  followed  by  a  moment's  silence.  It  was 
evident  Mr.  Lincoln  was  somewhat  annoyed.  Various 
delegations  and  many  individuals  had  visited  him,  -urg- 
ing action  in  the  same  direction.  He  responded  in  efi"ect 
that  iie  thought  he  appreciated  to  some  extent  both  the 
position  and  the  difficulties  which  surrounded  him.  He 
referred  to  his  Springfield  speech,  correcting  what  he 
thought  an  unwarrantable  inference  from  it,  and  con- 
cluded in  nearly  these  words  :     *'  It  may  be,  as  you  have 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  5» 

said,  that,  like  "  Deborah,"  I  have  been  selected  by  the 
Almighty  for  this  gi'eat  work  of  Emancipation.  In  the 
event  of  this  being  so,  it  seems  to  me  I  can  safely  be  left 
in  the  Lokd's  hands." 

The  Lincolns  Remove  to  Indiana. 

Mr.  Lincoln,  the  father,  although  a  Southerner  by 
birth  and  residence,  had  become  early  imbued  with  a 
dislike  for  slavery.  With  these  sentiments  he  naturally 
desired  to  change  his  place  of  residence,  and  early  in 
October,  1816,  finding  a  purchaser  for  his  farm,  he  made 
arrangements  for  the  transfer  of  the  property  and  for 
his  removal.  The  price  paid  by  the  purchaser  was  ten 
barrels  of  whiskey,  of  forty  gallons  each,  valued  at  two 
hundred  and  eighty  dollars,  and  twenty  dollars  in 
money.  Mr.  Lincoln  was  a  temperate  man,  and  acceded 
to  the  terms,  not  because  he  desired  the  liquor,  but  be- 
cause such  transactions  in  real  estate  were  common,  and 
recognized  as  perfectly  proper. 

The  homestead  was  within  a  mile  or  two  of  the  RoUing 
Fork  river,  and  as  soon  as  the  sale  was  afifected,  Mr.  Lin- 
coln, with  such  slight  assistance  as  little  Abe  could  give 
him,  hewed  out  a  flat-boat,  and  launching  it,  filled  it  with 
his  household  articles  and  tools  and  the  barrels  of  whiskey, 
and  bidding  adieu  to  his  son  who  stood  upon  the  bank, 
pushed  off,  and  was  soon  floating  down  the  stream  on  his 
way  to  Indiana,  to  select  a  new  home.  His  journey  down 
the  Rolling  Fork  and  into  the  Ohio  river  was  successfully 
accomplished,  but  soon  afterwards  his  boat  was  unfortu- 
nately upset,  and  its  cargo  thrown  into  the  water.  Some 
men  standing  on  the  bank  witnessed  the  accident  and 
saved  the  boat  and  its  owner,  but  all  the  contents  of  the 
craft  were  lost,  except  a  few  carpenter's  tools,  axes,  three 
barrels  of  whiskey  and  some  other  articles.  He  again 
started,  and  proceeded  to  a  well-known  ferry  on  the  river, 
from  whence  he  was  guided  into  the  interior  by  a  resident 
of  the  section  of  country  in  which  he  had  landed,  and  to 
whom  he  had  given  his  boat  in  payment  for  his  services. 
After  several  days  of  difficult  traveling,  much  of  the  time 
employed  in  cutting  a  road  through  the  forest  wide  enough 
for  a  team,  eighteen  miles  were  accomplished,  and  Spencer 


S3  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

county,  Indiana,  was  reached.     Tlie  site  for  his  new  home 
having  been  determined  upon,  Mr.  Lincoln  left  his  goods 
under  the  care  of  a  person  who  lived  a  few  miles  distant, 
and  returning  to  Kentucky  on  f  oot ,  made  preparations  to 
remove  his  family.     In  a  few  days  the  party  bade  farewell 
to  their  old  home  and  slavery,   Mrs.  Lincoln  and  her 
daughter  riding  one  horse,  Abe  another,  and  the  father  a 
third.     After  a  seven  days'  journey  through  an  uninhab- 
ited country,  their  resting-place  at  night  being  a  blanket 
spread  upon  the  ground,  they  arrived  at  the  spot  selected 
for  their  future  residence,  and  no  unnecessary  delays  were 
permitted  to  interfere  with  the  immediate  and  successful 
clearing  of  a  site  for  a  cabin.     An  axe  was  placed  in 
Abe's  hands,  and  with  the  additional  assistance  of  a  neigh- 
bor, in  two  or  three  days  Mr.  Lincoln  had  a  neat  house 
of  about  eighteen  feet  square,  the  logs  composing  v»'hich 
being  fastened  together  in  the  usual  manner  by  notches, 
and  the  cracks  between  them  filled  with  mud.    It  had  only 
one  room,  but  some  slabs  laid  across  logs  overhead  gave 
additional  accommodations  which  were  obtained  by  cUmb- 
ing  a  rough  ladder  in  one  corner.     A  bed,  table  and  four 
stools  were  then  made  by  the  two  settlers,  father  and  son,' 
and  the  building  was  ready  for  occupancy.     The  loft  was 
Abe's  bedroom,  and  there  night  after  night  for  many  years, 
he  who  has  since  occupied  the  most  exalted  position  in 
the  gift  of  the  American  people,  and  has  dwelt  in  the 
*' White  House"  at  Washington,  surrounded  by  all  the 
comforts  that  wealth  and  power  can  give,  slumbered  with 
one  coarse  blanket  for  his  mattress  and  another  for  his 
covering.    Although  busy  during  the  ensuing  winter  with 
his  axe,  he  did  not  neglect  his  reading  and  spelling,  and 
also  practised  frequently  with  a  rifle,  the  first  evidence  of 
his  skill  as  a  marksman  being  manifested,  much  to  the 
delight  of  his  parents,  in  the  killing  of  a  wild  turkey, 
which  had  approached  too  near  the  cabin.    The  knowledge 
of  the  use  of  the  rifle  was  indispensable  in  the  border 
setiiiements  at  that  time,  as  the  greater  portion  of  the 
food  required  for  the  settlers  was  procured  by  it,  and  the 
family  which  had  not  among  its  male  members  one  or 
more  who  could  discharg*-^,  it  with  accuracy,  was  very  apt 
to  suffer  from  a  scarcity  of  provisions. 


\ 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  97 

The  Gettysburg  Dedication. 
(November,  1863.) 

"FouESCOKE  and  seven  years  ago,  our  fathers  brought 
forth  upon  this  continent  a  new  nation,  conceived  in 
Liberty,  and  dedicated  to  the  proposition  that  all  men 
are  created  equal.  Now  we  are  engaged  in  a  great  civil 
war,  testing  whether  that  nation,  or  any  nation  conceived 
and  so  dedicated,  can  long  endure.  We  are  met  on  a 
great  battle-field  of  that  war,  "We  are  met  to  dedicate  a 
portion  of  it  as  the  final  resting-place  of  those  who  here 
gave  their  lives  that  that  nation  migho  live.  It  is  alto- 
gether fitting  and  proper  that  we  should  do  this. 

*'But,  in  a  larger  sense,  we  cannot  dedicate,  we  cannot 
consecrate,  we  cannot  hallow  this  ground.  The  brave 
men,  living  and  dead,  who  struggled  here,  have  conse- 
crated it  far  above  our  power  to  add  or  detract.  The 
world  will  little  note,  nor  long  remember,  what  we  say 
here ;  but  it  can  never  forget  what  they  did  here.  It  is 
for  us,  the  living,  rather  to  be  dedicated  here  to  the  un- 
finished work  that  they  have  thus  far  so  nobly  carried 
on.  It  is  rather  for  us  to  be  here  dedicated  to  the  great 
task  remaining  before  us — that  from  these  honored  dead 
we  take  increased  devotion  to  the  cause  for  which  they 
here  gave  the  last  full  measure  of  devotion ;  that  we  here 
highly  resolve  that  the  dead  shall  not  have  died  in  vain ; 
that  the  nation  shall,  under  God,  have  a  new  birth  of 
freedom ;  and  that  the  government  of  the  people,  by  the 
people,  and  for  the  people,  shall  not  perish  from  the 
earth." 

Young  "Abe"  Loams  to  "Write. 
A  LITTLE  more  than  a  year  after  removing  to  Spencer 
county,  his  mother  Mrs.  Lincoln  died,  an  event  which 
brought  desolation  to  the  hearts  of  her  husband  and 
children,  but  to  none  so  much  as  to  Abe.  He  had  been 
a  dutiful  son,  and  she  one  of  the  most  devoted  of 
mothers,  and  to  her  instruction  may  be  traced  manv  of 
those  traits  and  characteristics  for  which  he  became 
remarkable.  Soon  after  her  death,  the  bereaved  lad  had 
an  ojBfer  wliich  promised  to  afford  him  other  employment 
during  the  long  monotonous  evenings,  than  the  reading 


\ 


58  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

of  books,  a  young  man  who  had  removed  into  the  neigh- 
borhood having  offered  to  teach  him  how  to  write.  The 
opportunity  was  too  fraught  with  benefit  to  be  rejected, 
and  after  a  few  weeks  of  practice  under  the  eye  of  his 
instructor,  and  also  out  of  doors  with  a  i)iece  of  chalk  or 
charred  stick,  he  was  able  to  write  his  name,  and  in  less 
than  twelve  months  could  and  did  write  a  letter. 

His  Speeches  in  tke  Celebrated  Lincoln-Douglas  Oampaign. 

On  the  second  of  June,  1858,  the  Republican  State 
Convention  met  at  Springfield,  and  nominated  Mr.  Lin- 
coln as  their  candidate  for  the  United  States  Senate. 
At  the  close  of  their  proceedings  the  recipient  of  their 
suffrage  delivered  a  speech,  which  was  a  forcible  exposi- 
tion of  the  views  and  aims  of  the  party  of  which  he  was 
to  be  the  standard-bearer. 

The  contest  which  followed  was  one  of  the  most  ex- 
citing and  remarkable  ever  witnessed  in  this  country. 
Mr.  Stephen  A.  Douglas,  his  opponent,  had  few  super- 
iors as  a  political  debater.  His  re-election  to  the  Senate 
would  have  been  equivalent  to  an  indorsement  of  his 
acts  and  views  by  his  State,  and  at  the  same  time  would 
have  promoted  his  prospects  for  the  Presidential  nomi- 
nation. The  Republicans,  therefore,  determined  to  de- 
feat him  if  possible,  and  to  increase  the  probabilities  of 
success  in  the  movement,  selected  Mr.  Lincoln  as  the 
man  who  was  most  certain  of  securing  the  election.  Illi- 
nois was  stumped  throughout  its  length  and  breadth  by 
both  candidates  and  their  respective  advocates,  and  the 
people  of  the  entire  country  watched  with  interest  the 
struggle.  From  county  to  county,  township  to  townshij), 
and  village  to  village,  the  two  leaders  traveled,  frequ^^ntly 
in  the  same  car  or  carriage,  and  in  the  presence  of  im- 
mense crowds  of  men,  women  and  children — for  the 
wives  and  daughters  of  the  hardy  yeomanry  were  na- 
turally interested — face  to  face,  these  two  opposing 
ch^pipions  argued  the  important  points  of  their  political 
belief,  and  contended  nobly  for  the  mastery. 

During  the  campaign,  Mr.  Lincoln  paid  the  following 
tribute  to  the  Declaration  of  Independence — 

•* These  communities  (the  thirteen  colonies),  by  their 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES.  59 


representatives  in  the  old  Independence  Hall,  said  to  the 
world  of  men,    '  We  hold  these  truths  to  be  self-evident, 
that  all  men  are  born  equal ;  that  they  are  endowed  by 
their  Creator  with  inalienable  rights ;  that  among  these 
are  liberty,  and  the  pursuit   of  happiness.*      This  was 
their  majestic  interpretation  of  the  economy  of  the  uni- 
verse.     This  was  their  lofty,  and  wise,  and  noble  under- 
standing of  the  justice  of  the  Creator  to  His  creatures. 
Yes,   gentlemen,   to  Hia  creatures,  to  the  whole  great 
family  of  man.      In  their  enlightened  belief,  nothing 
stamped  with  the  Divine  image  and  likeness  was  sent 
into  the  world  to  be  trodden  on,  and  degraded,  and  im- 
bruted  by  its  feUows.      They  grasped  not  only  the  race 
of  men  then  living,  but  they  reached  forward  and  seized 
upon  the  f  urtherest  posterity.     They  created  a  beacon  to 
guide  their  children  and  their  chUdren's  children,  and 
the  countless  myriads  who  should  inhabit  the  earth  in 
other  ages.     Wise  statesmen  as  they  were,  they  knew  the 
tendency  of  prosperity  to  breed  tyrants,   and  so  they 
estabHshed  these  great  self-evident  truths  that  when,  in 
the  distant  future,   some  man,  some  faction,  some  in- 
terest,  should  set  up  the  doctrine  that  none  but  rich 
men,  or  none  but  white  men,  or  none  but  Anglo-Saxon 
white  men,  were  entitled  to  Ufe,  Hbertj-,  and  the  pursuit 
of  happiness,  their  posterity  might  look  up  again  to  the 
Declaration  of  Independence,  and  take  courage  to  renew 
the  battle  which  their  fathers  began,  so  that  truth,  and 
justice,  and  mercy,  and  all  the  humane  and  Christian 
virtues  might  not  be  extinguished  from  the  land ;  so  that 
no  man  would  hereafter  dare  to  limit  and  circumscribe 
the  gi-eat  principles  on  which  the  temple  of  Hberty  was 
being  built. 

*'Now,  my  countrymen,  if  you  have  been  taught  doc- 
trines conflicting  with  the  great  landmarks  of  the  Declar- 
ation of  Independence ;  if  you  have  Hstened  to  sugges- 
tions which  would  take  away  from  its  grandeur,  and  mu- 
tilate the  fair  symmetry  of  its  proportions  ;  if  you  hdVe 
been  inclined  to  believe  that  aU  men  are  not  created 
equal  in  those  inalienable  rights  enumerated  by  our 
chart  of  liberty,  let  me  entreat  you  to  come  back— re- 
turn to  the  fountain  whose  waters  spring  close  by  the 


CO  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

blood  of  the  Revolution.  Think  nothing  of  me,  take  no 
thought  for  the  political  fate  of  any  man  whomsoever, 
but  come  back  to  the  truths  that  are  in  the  Declaration 
of  Independence. 

'  *  You  may  do  anything  with  me  you  choose,  if  you 
will  but  heed  these  sacred  principles.  You  may  not  only 
defeat  me  for  the  Senate,  but  you  may  take  me  and  put 
me  to  death.  While  pretending  no  indifference  to  earth- 
ly honors,  I  do  claim  to  be  actuated  in  this  contest  by 
something  higher  than  an  anxiety  for  office.  I  charge 
you  to  drop  every  paltry  and  insignificant  thought  for 
any  man's  success.  It  is  nothing ;  I  am  nothing  ;  Judge 
Douglas  is  nothing.  But  do  not  deseroy  that  immortal  em 
tlem  of  humanity — the  Declaratton  of  American  Independence,^* 

His  Skill  as  a  Eail-Splitter. 
When  he  w^as  mentioned  prominently  for  the  Presi- 
dency, at  a  meeting  of  the  Illinois  State  Republican 
Convention,  where  he  was  present  as  a  spectator,  a 
veteran  Democrat  of  Macon  county  brought  in  and  pre- 
sented to  the  Convention  two  old  fence  rails,  gayly  deco- 
rated with  flags  and  ribbons,  and  upon  which  the  follow- 
ing words  were  inscribed : 

ABRAHAM   LINCOLN. 

THE  RAIL  CANDIDATE 

FOR    PRESIDENT   IN    1860. 

Two  rails  from  a  lot  of   3,000  made  in  1830,  by 

Thos.  Hanks  and  Abe  Lincoln —whose 

father  was  the  first  pioneer 

of  Macon  county. 

The  event  occasioned  the  most  unbounded  enthusiasm, 
and  for  several  minutes  the  most  deafening  applause  re- 
sounded through  the  building.  Mr.  Lincoln  was  vo- 
ciferously called  for,  and  arising  from  his  seat,  modestly 
acknowledged  that  he  had  split  rails  some  thirty  years 
previous  in  Macon  county,  and  he  was  informed  that 
those  before  him  were  a  small  portion  of  the  product  of 
his  labor  with  the  axe. 

A    Pew   More. 
It  may  be  convenient  to  add  to  the  foregoing  the  fol- 
lowing : — 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES  61 

In  1849,  he  left  Congress.  In  1856,  lie  received  one 
hundred  and  two  votes,  in  the  Republican  Convention, 
as  a  candidate  for  Vice-President,  to  run  with  Mr,  Fre- 
mont. The  Republicans  of  Illinois  named  him  at  the 
head  of  their  electoral  ticket,  which  did  not  succeed. 
In  1858,  when  a  senator  was  to  be  elected,  he  and  Mr. 
Douglas  canvassed  the  State  together,  in  that  discussion, 
which  gained  a  national  celebrity,  and  from  which  we 
have  made  several  extracts. 

On  the  16th  May,  1860,  in  the  last  year  of  Mr.  James 
Buchanan's  career,  the  Republican  National  Conven- 
tion met  at  Chicago.  On  the  third  ballot,  Mr.  Lincoln 
was  named  its  candidate  for  the  Presidency.  The  fol- 
lowing incident  is  preserved  of  the  announcement  of  the 
news  to  him.  Such  incidents  go  far  towards  illustrating 
the  traits  of  character  which  endeared  him  so  truly 
where  he  was  best  known. 

The  superintendent  of  the  Telegraph  Company  wrote 
on  a  scrap  of  paper, — "Mr.  Lincoln  :  You  are  nominated 
on  the  third  ballot ;"  and  a  boy  ran  with  the  message  to 
Mr.  Lincoln.  He  looked  at  it  in  silence,  amid  the  shouts 
of  those  around  him  ;  then,  rising  and  putting  it  in  his 
pocket,  he  said  quietly,  ' '  There's  a  little  woman  down 
at  our  house  would  Uke  to  hear  this.  I'll  go  down,  and 
teUher." 

On  the  6th  of  November,  1860,  he  was  elected  Presi- 
dent.    The  popular  vote  gave — 

Lincoln 1,866,452 

Douglas 1,375,157 

Bell 590,631 

Breckinkidge 847,953 

Mr.  Lincoln,  and  Mr.  Hamlin,  the  Vice-President,  re- 
ceived 180  electoral  votes.  Mr.  Bell  received  39;  Mr. 
Douglas  received  12  ;  Mr.  Breckinridge  received  72. 

On  his  journey  to  Washington,  in  February,  1861,  he 
was  received  everywhere  with  enthusiasm.  The  rebellion 
had  ah-eady  broken  out,  and  the  country  had  to  look  to 
him  as  its  Chief  Magistrate.  It  is  in  this  journey  that 
the  following  anecdotes  find  place  : — 

At  Northeast  Station,  he  took  occasion  to  say,  that, 


63  LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 

during  the  campaign,  he  had  received  a  letter  from  a 
young  girl  of  the  jilace,  in  which  he  was  kindly  ad- 
monished to  do  certain  things  ;  and,  among  others,  to 
let  his  whiskers  grow  ;  and,  as  he  liad  acted  upon  that 
piece  of  advice,  he  would  now  be  glad  to  welcome  his 
fair  correspondent,  if  she  was  among  the  crowd.  In  res- 
ponse to  the  call,  a  lassie  made  her  way  through  the 
crowd,  was  helped  to  the  platform,  and  was  kissed  by 
the  President. 

At  Utica  he  said,  "  I  appear  before  you  that  I  may  see 
you,  and  that  you  may  see  me  ;  and  I  am  willing  to  ad- 
mit, that,  so  far  as  the  ladies  are  concerned,  I  have  the 
best  of  the  bargain  ;  though  I  wish  it  to  be  understood, 
that  I  do  not  make  the  same  acknowledgment  concerning 
the  men." 

,  At  Hudson  he  said,  *' I  see  you  have  provided  a  plat- 
form ;  but  I  shall  have  to  decline  standing  on  it.  I  had 
to  decline  standing  on  some  very  handsome  platforms 
prepared  for  me  yesterday.  But  I  say  to  you,  as  I  said 
to  them,  you  must  not  on  this  account  draw  the  infer- 
ence, that  I  have  any  intention  to  desert  any  platform  I 
have  a  legitimate  right  to  stand  on." 

At  Philadelphia,  information  was  received  which  made 
it  certain  that  even  then  a  plot  was  laid  against  his  life. 
This  caution  probably  had  reached  him,  when,  at  a  flag- 
raising  on  Independence  HaU,  Philadelphia,  he  used 
these  remarkable  words  : — 

**I  have  often  inquired  of  myself,  what  great  principle 
or  idea  it  was  that  kept  this  confederacy  so  long  together. 
It  was  something  in  the  Declaration  of  Independence, 
giving  liberty,  not  only  to  the  people  of  this  country,  but 
hope  to  the  world  for  aU  future  time.  It  was  that  which 
gave  promise,  that,  in  due  time,  the  weights  should  be 
lifted  from  the  shoulders  of  all  men,  and  that  all  should 
have  an  equal  chance.  ,  ,  .  Now,  my  friends,  can  this 
country  be  saved  upon  this  basis  ?  If  it  can,  I  will  con- 
sider myself  one  of  the  happiest  men  in  the  world,  if  I 
can  help  to  save  it.  But,  if  this  country  cannot  be  saved 
without  giving  up  that  j)rinciple,  I  was  about  to  say,  I 
would  rather  be  assassinated  upon  the  spot  than  to  sur- 
render it. " 


LINCOLN'S     ANECDOTES. 


63 


In  the  preceding  pages  we  have  made  use  of  the  speech- 
es, letters,  messages,  and  other  public  documents;  which 
furnished  personal  traits  and  anecdotes,  and  the  book  is 
as  complete  as  it  could  be  made. 


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