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Full text of "Manners, culture and dress of the best American society, including social, commercial and legal forms, letter writing, invitations, &c., also valuable suggestions on self culture and home training"

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University of California Berkeley 



THE LIBRARY 

OF 

THE UNIVERSITY 
OF CALIFORNIA 






PROFESSOR 
GEORGE R. STEWART 








OF THE 



Best 



Sog^ty, 



INCLUDING 



Letter Writing, Invitations, &c., also valuable 

suggestions on Self Culture and 

Home Training. 

BY 
RICHARD A. WELLS, A. M. 



INTRODUCTION BY 

REV. WILLARD E. WATERBURY. 



ILLUSTRATED. 

CLARK PUBLISHING CO. 
OMAHA, NEB. 

KING, RICHARDSON & CO. 

SPRINGFIELD, MASS. 

1891. 




COPYRIGHT, 1890, BY 

J-CINO, RICHARDSON & CO. 

SPRINGFIELD, MASS. 



Sold only by our Authorized Agents. 



PREFACE. 




ANNERS constitute the language 
in which the biography of every 
individual is written. 

There is no one subject of to- 
day which embodies more prac- 
tical interest to people in gen- 
eral, than a knowledge of the 
rules, usages and ceremonies of 
good society. 

A lack of this knowledge is felt by almost every 
individual, whether in the city or country, at home or 
abroad. 

True politeness is not a code of superficial rules, 
arranged and trimmed up for particular occasions, 
and then set aside at our pleasure. 

Polite manners and true culture are expressions of 
the heart, and have their foundation in the Golden 
Rule. 

If this rule is not the guide of our life, then our 



10 PREFACE. 

politeness is entirely superficial, and void of natural- 
ness. 

Nature is always graceful ; fashion, with all her art 
and glitter can never produce anything half so pleas- 
ing. The very perfection of elegance is to imitate 
nature; how much better to have the reality than the 
imitation. Anxiety about the opinions of others 
always fetters our freedom and tends to awkwardness. 
We would always appear well if we never tried to 
assume what we do not possess. 

Madame Celnart says : " The grand secret of never- 
failing propriety of good manners and culture is to 
havo an intention of always doing right." 

There are persons who seem to possess the instinct 
of courtesy to so high a degree as to require no in- 
struction or practice in order to be perfectly polite, 
easy and graceful. 

Most people, however, require some rules as to the 
best and most appropriate manner of expressing that 
which they may feel. 

In the cultivation of heart and developing character, 
Rules of Etiquette are then essential. 

To acquire a thorough knowledge of these matters, 
and to put that knowledge into practical use with per- 
fect ease and freedom, is what people call "good 
breeding." 

In the preparation of this work, the object has been 
to present the rules and usages which govern and 
mould the most refined society of America, and to im- 
part that information by which any one may be ena- 



PREFACE. n 

bled to acquire the perfect ease of a gentleman, or the 
gentler manners of a well-bred lady, so that their 
presence will be sought for, and they will not only 
learn that great art of being thoroughly at home in 
all society, but will possess that rarer gift of making 
every one around them feel easy, contented and happy. 

The work is carefully arranged into chapters, every 
subject divided and classified, making it perfectly easy 
to turn at once to any subject desired. 

Ifc has been our aim to give, in a concise form, all 
that is properly embraced in a comprehensive work on 
Etiquette; also to cultivate the heart as well as the 
mind, and produce a well rounded symmetrical char- 
acter. 

THE AUTHOR. 




CONTENTS. 



INTRODUCTORY. 

CHAPTER 1. 21 

ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 

CHAPTER 2. 32 

The good will of women Social connections Being natural With whom 
to associate What to tolerate Common place speech Modesty Respect- 
ful deference Ease of manner Distinctions in conduct Long usage 
delating company Good Sense Qualities of a gentleman Whom to 
imitate. 

INTRODUCTIONS. 

CHAPTER 3. 89 

By relatives Saluting and shaking hands First introduction Second or 
subsequent meeting The obligations of After an introduction While 
traveling Introductory letters to ladies Receipt of introductory letters 
Requesting a letter of to society Bestowing of titles Proper forms of 
Ceremonious phrases Casual introductions Speak the name distinctly 
Introduction of a Lady to Gentleman in other countries Without per- 
missionMeeting on the street Morning visitors Introducing yourself 
Assisting a lady in difficulty. 

SALUTATIONS. 

CHAPTER 4. 49 

Forms of Salutation Of different nations Words of salutation For- 
eigners' salutations On the street Meeting in the street Bow of civility 
Saluting ladies Etiquette of hand shaking The kiss The kiss of re- 
spectThe kiss of friends Women kissing in public. 

SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 

CHAPTER 5. 57 

The value of knowledge-^A good conscience Good character A well in- 
formed man Liberal and scientific information Employing leisure mo- 
mentsSoftening natural ferocity The arts of peace Difference in social 
12 



CONTENTS. 13 

intercourse Slight reflections Improving by conversation Learn some- 
thing from all Be not too confident Narrow and limited views Consult- 
ing witu others Difference of opinion. 

CONVERSATIONS. 

CHAPTER 6. 65 

Subjects to be avoided Talk to people of their own affairs Avoid talking 
too much of their professions Avoid classical quotations Modulation- 
Slang Using- proverbs and puns Avoid long arguments Interrupting a 
person while speaking Whispering in society Make the topic of conver- 
sation known Witticisms Avoid unfamiliar subjects Introducing anec- 
dotesCorrect pronunciation Avoid repeating Cultivating the mind- 
Music A low voice Talk well about trifles Double entendres Indeli- 
cate words and expressions Profanity Listening The best kind of con- 
versation Interjections Avoid wounding the feelings of another Af- 
fectations Use plain words Avoid wit which wounds Proper reserve- 
Professional peculiarities Modesty Conversing with ladies .Conclusion. 

VISITS, 

CHAPTER 7. 80 

Visits of congratulation of ceremony or calls Time to make ceremonious 
visits Keep an account of ceremonious visits Visits of ceremony among 
friends calling at an inconvenient hour Visiting at hotels Visiting the 
sick Style of conversation Visits of condolence Before going abroad 
Leave taking of a family Meeting other visitors Gentleman's morning 
call- Returning from the country Cards for ceremonious visits Calling 
on strangers Engaged or not at home Evening visits Friendly calls- 
Omitting visits Ceremonious visits Suitable times for visits How to 
treat visitors Taking a seat while visiting Paying equal attention to all 
Taking a friend with you Privileges of ladies Visiting acquaintances 
alone Preference of seats Respect towards the aged and feeble Dis- 
continuing work Visiting cards Address on cards Keeping cards 
Laying aside the bonnet Habitual visits Short visits Unintentional 
intrusions Free hospitality Treatment of guests Duties of the visitor 
Leave taking. 

DINNER PARTIES AND BALLS. 

CHAPTER 8. 101 

Invitations Reply to Arriving too late Manners at table Dress neatly 
for dinner party How long to remain Congenial company Number of 
guests- -Manner of writing invitations Invitation accepted Declined 
Invitation to tea party Reception of guests Introduction of guests 
Proceeding to dinner Arranging guests Intermingling guests Asking 
the waiter for anything Praising every dish Picking your teeth at ta- 



14 CONTENTS. 

ble Selecting a particular dish Duties of host and hostess Paring fruit 
for a lady Dipping bread into preserves Soup Fish General rules re- 
garding dinner Watching how others do Urging guests to eat Waiting 
on others Monopolizing conversation Signal for leaving the table- 
Dancing Giving a ball Choice of guests Issuing invitations Prejudices 
against dancing Notes of interrogation Variety of toilette Choice of at- 
tireEvening party The cloak room When to arrive Refusing to 
dance Giving a reason for not dancing How to ask a lady to dance 
Leaving a ball room Talking too much- -Wall flowers Duties of gentle- 
menDuty of ladies While dancing Grace and modesty Private par- 
ty Public balls Visit of thanks Deportment in public places General 
rules for a ball room Conclusion. 

STREET ETIQUETTE. 

CHAPTER 9.. 12: 

Recognizing friends on the street Omitting to recognize acquaintances- 
Shaking hands with a lady Young ladies conduct on the streetr Accom- 
panying visitors Fulfilling an engagement Conduct while shopping 
Taking off your glove Asking information Crossing a muddy street 
Expensive dress in the street Carriage of a lady in public Forming 
acquaintances in public Demanding attention Meeting a lady acquaint- 
anceStopping a lady on the street Passing acquaintances Crowding 
before another Giving the arm When to offer the arm Returning a sa- 
lutePassing before a lady Corner loafers Shouting Gentlemen walk- 
ing with a lady Crossing the street General rules Passing through a 
crowd Saluting a lady Ascending a mountain Meeting on the street- 
Intrusive inquiries on meeting Smoking while walking Taking ofi 
your hat. 

BIDING AND DRIVING. 

CHAPTER 10. 140 

Etiquette of riding Riding in public Riding with ladies Assisting a lady 
to mount Pace in riding Meeting friends on horseback Meeting a lady 
Assisting a lady to alight from a horse Entering a carriage Assisting 
a lady into a carriage. 

TRAVELERS AND TRAVELING. 

CHAPTER 11. 148 

A lady traveling alone On arrival of the train Arriving at destination 
Rushing for a ticket office Personal comfort Rushing for the table So- 
cial intercourse while traveling Occupying too many seats Retaining a 
seat Etiquette of street cars Etiquette of ferry boats Checking famili- 
arity Duties of ladies to other ladies while traveling Consulting the 
comforts of others Attention to the wants of others Selfishness oi 
ladies. 



CONTENTS. 15 

ETIQUETTE OP PUBLIC PLACES. 

CHAPTER 12. 156 

Church Etiquette Visiting an artist Conduct in picture galleries Invita- 
tion to opera or concert Conduct in opera, theatre or public hall Church 
or fancy fairs Picnics How to dress Duties of gentlemen Committee 
of arrangements Boating Rowing Ladies Rowing. 

LETTERS AND LETTER WRITING. 

CHAPTER 13. 169 

Secret of good composition Penmanship Choice of paper General ap 
pearance of a letter Letters of introduction Letters of friendship 
Form of Friendly letter Modes of address The family letter Parents to 
children Letters of love Letters of business Letters of invitation In- 
vitation to a party General advice to letter writers. 

LAWS OP BUSINESS AND LEGAL FORMS. 

CHAPTER 14. 196 

General laws of business Forms of notes Negotiable and non-negotia- 
ble Draft, check, &c., &c. 

SELF-CULTURE. 

CHAPTER 15. 305 

Economize time Importance of early rising Reading Study Depend up- 
on work, not genius Good books easily accessible Careless reading im- 
pairs the mind Have some worthy aim The result of idleness "Dili- 
gentia Omnia Vincit "Requisites of success. 

ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. 

CHAPTER 16. 215 

Comparison Bachelors Advice of Jeremy Taylor Celibacy an unnatural 
state Woman's risk greater than man's Have a home Objections on 
account of expense Essentials to happiness. 

COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

CHAPTER 17. 223 

Oharms for procuring love A woman's judgment Love and marriage 
Usages of society Love a universal passion A lady's position A gentle- 
man's position Conduct of a gentleman toward ladies Premature decla- 
rationLove at first sight Trifling with a man's feelings A poor triumph 
A still greater crime The rejected lover Duty of a rejected lover Un- 
manly conduct Encouraging the address of a gentleman Proposal of 
marriage Forms of proposals Proposal accepted Protracted engage- 



16 CONTENTS. 

ments Asking papa An engagement ring The relations of an engaged 
couple Demonstrations of affection Keeping late hours A domineering 
lover Breaking an engagement By letter Acknowledging such letter 
The marriage ceremony General rules Congratulation Ceremony in 
church Leaving the church Marriage fees Let joy be unconfined The 
wedding breakfast Sending cards Wedding cards Calling on a newly 
married couple A joyous period Professional call while receiving calls 
Returning wedding visits. 

THE HOME. 

CHAPTER 18. 245 

Home influence An ideal home Industry and sympathy Amusements 
Home culture Our girls A sister's influence Boys How to spoil a boy- 
Mother and son. 

DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES. 

CHAPTER 19. 257 

Duties of the wife Avoid all cause for complaint Beware of confidants- 
Regarding money matters How to keep a home Avoid concealment- 
Avoid all bickerings Becoming conduct for a wife Solomon's descrip- 
tionDuties of a husband Things to remember Accompany your wife 
to church A breach of etiquette Taking your wife into your confidence 
Let her manage her own affairs Avoid unnecessary interference Be 
always ready to praise Avoid comparisons Conclusion. 

TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

CHAPTER 20. 270 

The breakfast table General rules for behavior at table Luncheon- 
Dinner. 

MISCELLANEOUS RULES OP ETIQUETTE. 

CHAPTER 21. 276 

Presents among friends Presents to married ladies Present by married 
lady Praising presents Making parade -How to receive a present Re- 
fusing a gift Value of present Governing our moods Civility due to all 
women Keeping engagements Requisites to gain esteem Contempt 
and haughtiness Talking of yourself A filthy habit Avoid loud conver- 
sationConsulting your time-piece Removing the hat Smoking in pres- 
ence of ladies Relinquishing a seat for a lady A man's pride and princi- 
plesAvoid religious topics Attention to young people in society Rev- 
erential regard for religion Absent mindedness Affectation Confidence 
and secrecy A woman's good name Singing in company Gentlemen at 
evening parties Accepting an invitation Expressing unfavorable opin- 
ionsChecking himself in conversation Cautiousness and self-control 



CONTENTS. 17 

Avoid argument Civility Courtesy Improper actions and attitudes- 
Good maxims Politeness Washington's maxims Principles of good 
breeding Attention to small matters. 

WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 

CHAPTER 22. 298 

Presidential receptions Private calls on the President Social duties of 
cabinet officers and their families Social duties of congressmen and their 
families. 

BUSINESS. 

CHAPTER 23. 802 

ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 

CHAPTER 24. 306 

The paper wedding The wooden wedding The tin wedding The crystal 
wedding The china wedding The silver wedding The golden wedding 
The diamond wedding Presents at anniversary weddings Invitation 
to anniversary weddings. 

FUNERALS. 

CHAPTER 25. 312 

Invitation to a funeral Charge of affairs at a funeral Expense of a fu- 
neral General rules of etiquette Houses of mourning Conveyances for 
funeral Exhibiting the corpse Receiving guests at a funeral Proceed- 
ing to the cemetery Flowers at a funeral Other decorations upon the 
coffin After the funeral Notification of death Obligations to attend a 
funeral Seclusion of the bereaved family Period of mourning. 

DRESS. 

CHAPTER 26. 320 

First impressions Consistency in dress Plain dressing Too rich dressing- 
Elegant dressing Appropriate and becoming dress Neglect of dress- 
Habitual attention to attire An amiable exterior Dress the appropriate 
finish of beauty Taste Simplicity in dress Delicacy and harmony- 
Using paints Color and complexion Dress to suit the occasion Evening 
dress Bright-colored gloves Never dress above your station Thinking 
about your dress Morning dress for home Morning dress for visitor 
Morning dress for street Business woman's dress The promenade- 
Material of a walking suit Carriage dress Riding dress Dress for receiv- 
ing calls Dress of hostess Dinner dress Dress of guests at dinner party 
Ordinary evening dress Dress for evening call Dress for social party 
The soiree and ball Dress for church Dress for theatre Dress for lec- 
ture and concert Dress for opera Croquet and skating costume Cos- 



IB CONTENTS. 

tume for country and sea-side Bathing costume Costume for traveling- 
Going to Europe Wedding outfit The wedding dress Dress for bride- 
CToom Dress for bridesmaid Traveling dress of bride Marriage of a 
widow The trousseau. 

HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. 

CHAPTER 27. 343 

Size in relation to dress and color. 

THE TOILETTE. 

CHAPTER 28. 359 

Jealth and beauty The dressing-room Lady's dressing-room Gentle- 
man's dressing-room The bath Air bath The teeth The skin The 
eye-lashes and brows The hah- The beard The hand. 

BEAUTY AND ITS EXPRESSION. 

CHAPTER 29. 3?9 

Singing and playing The voice and dress Dignity and familiarity, 

SERVANTS. 

CHAPTER 30. 396 

Treatment of servants Fees What to permit 

HOME DECORATIONS. 

CHAPTER 81. 412 

lowers Arranging of plants Ward case Mayflower Preparation of soil. 

AMUSEMENTS. 

CHAPTER 32. 410 

itiakespeare readings Private dramas Charades Tableaux vivants 
Tableaux of Statuary Light and shades, 

ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. 

CHAPTER 33. 421 

'Jbildren at funerals At parties Early training Accepting invitations 
The custom Good manners. 

ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISM. 

CHAPTER 34. 425 

Customary ceremonies Christening Presents. 



CONTENTS. 19 

ETIQUETTE OP THE STUDIO. 

CHAPTER 35. 429 

PRECIOUS STONES. 

CHAPTER 36. 433 

Finger-rings with sentiments. 

Stories in precious stones Zodiac stones Stones and -their influences 
Rings King of Memphis Caesar's ring Nero's signet In Persia Presi- 
dent Pierce's ring Name rings French names. 

FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 

CHAPTER 37. 441 

WINDOW GARDENING. 

CHAPTER 38. 451 

Best place, Ferneries, Soil, Trailing Arbutus, Hanging gardens, Portable 
screens. 

CARE AND CULTURE OP PLANTS. 

CHAPTER 39. 458 

Where, when, and how to cultivate flowers, stands, shelves, &o. 

FURNISHING THE HOME. 

CHAPTER 40. 463 

The Hall, Parlor, Sitting room. Library, Chambers, Dining room, Kitchen. 

BOOKS-. 

CHAPTER 41. 474 

Outlook through books, How to cultivate the taste, Companionship of books, 
What to read. 

TOILET RECIPES. 

CHAPTER 42. 481 

To remove freckles Wrinkles Discoloration of skin Sunburn Cure chil- 
blainsHair curling fluid To prevent hair from falling off Rye tooth- 
powder Bandoline Rose water Lip salve Smooth skin Sticking plan- 
ter To improve the complexion Burns Pimpernel water To soften tho 
handsFor roughness of the skin Chapped hands To prevent hair turn- 
ing gray To soften and beautify the hair To remove pimp'es To re- 
move tan Cure for corns Chapped lips Black teeth Pomade against 
baldness Cologne Ox marrow pomatum Dentifrice To clean kid 
gloves Water proof boots and shoes To remove a tight ring Cleaning 
jewelry To clean kid boots Cleaning silver To remove grease spots 
To clean patent-leather boots Mildew from linen To remove stains and 
spots from silk Toothache preventive Cure for felon Cure for croup- 
Cure for ingrowing nails on toes Protection against moths &c., &c. 



boots it tby virtue, 
Wljat profit \\)j parts, 
W|?ile one "H/mcj t|?ou lacbqs 

(0$>\)e art of all arts? 

j 
"(ij)l?e only credentials, 

Passport to success; 
fdpens castle and parlor, 
Wddress, man, address. 



Emerson 




20 



INTRODUCTORY. 




CHAPTER 1. 



IGH birth and good breed- 
ing are the privileges of 
the few; but the habits 
and manners of a gentle- 
man may be acquired by 
all. Nor is their acquire- 
ment attended with difficulty. 
Etiquette is not an art requir- 
ing the study of a life-time ; on 
the contrary, its principles are simple, and 
their practical application involves only ordinary care, 
tact and sagacity. 

To gain the good opinion of those who surround 
them, is the first interest and the second duty of 
men in every profession of life. For power and for 
pleasure, this preliminary is equally indispensable. 
Unless we are eminent and respectable before our 
fellow-beings, we cannot possess that influence which 
is essential to the accomplishment of great designs ; 
and men have so inherent, and one might almost say 
constitutional, a disposition to refer all that they say 
and do, to the thoughts and feelings of others, that 
upon the tide of the world's opinion floats tjie compla- 
cency of every man, 

21 



22 INTRODUCTORY. 

And here we may find the uses of etiquette. We 
are not all equally civilized ; some of us are scarcely 
more than savage by nature and training, or rather 
lack of training. Yet we all wish to put on the re- 
galia of civilization that we may be recognized as 
belonging to the guild of ladies and gentlemen in 
the world. 

The requisites to compose this last character are 
natural ease of manner, and an acquaintance with 
the " outward habit of encounter " dignity and 
self-possession a respect for all the decencies of life, 
and perfect freedom from all affectation. 

It is an express and admirable distinction of a 
gentleman, that, in the ordinary affairs of life, he is 
extremely slow to take offense. He scorns to attrib- 
ute ungentle motive, and dismisses the provocation 
without dignifying it by consideration. For instance, 
if he should see trifling persons laughing in another 
part of a room, when he might suppose that they 
were sneering at him, or should hear a remark from 
a person careless of his speech, which he could con- 
strue to be disrespectful to himself, he will presume 
that they are swayed by the same exalted sentiments 
as those which dwell within his own bosom, and he 
will not for a moment suffer his serenity to be sullied 
by suspicion. If, in fact, the others have been not 
altogether unwilling to wound, his elevated bearing 
'vill shame them into propriety. 

A gentleman never is embarrassed, when, in the 
carelessness of conversation, he has made use of any 



INTRODUCTORY. 23 

expression which is capable of an indecent significa- 
tion, and which, in vulgar society, would be the pre- 
lude of a laugh. He gives his company credit for 
refinement of mind and entire purity of association, 
and permits himself to speak with freedom of those 
things which are commonly the accessories of evil, 
without feeling any apprehension that the idea of the 
evil itself may be excited. 

In whatever society, or in whatever part of the 
world, a gentleman may happen to be, he always 
complies externally with the spirit and usages of the 
place. 

His constant effort is never to wound the feelings 
of another, and he is well aware that prejudice can 
excite feeling quite as strongly as truth. Of course, 
this compliance is not to be made at the expense of 
honor and integrity. 

A gentleman is distinguished as much by his com- 
posure as by any other quality. His exertions are 
always subdued, and his efforts easy. He is never 
surprised into an exclamation or startled by any- 
thing. Throughout life he avoids what the French 
call scenes, occasions of exhibition, in which the 
vulgar delight. He of course has feelings, but he 
never exhibits any to the world. 

A gentleman always possesses a certain self-re- 
spect, not indeed touching upon self-esteem, and far 
removed from self-conceit, which relieves him from 
the fear of failing in propriety, or incurring remarks. 

Indeed, a gentleman, in the highest signification 



24 INTRODUCTORY. 

of the term, is a noble animal. Viewed as furnished 
with all those qualities which should unite to com- 
plete the impression, he may be considered as the 
image of a perfect man. He has all that is valua- 
ble of Christian accomplishment, he has its gentle- 
ness, its disinterestedness, its amiableness. Employ- 
ing, in the regulation of his own conduct, the strict- 
est standard of propriety, and in his expectations of 
that of others, the most lenient ; cautious in accept- 
ing quarrel, more cautious in giving cause for it; 
lending to virtue the forms of courtesy, and borrow- 
ing from her the substance of sincerity ; forming his 
opinions boldly, expressing them gracefully; in 
action, brave, in conference, gentle; always anx- 
ious to please, and always willing to be pleased ; ex- 
pecting from none what he would not be inclined to 
yield to all ; giving interest to small things, when- 
ever small things cannot be avoided, and gaining el- 
evation from great, whenever great can be attained ; 
valuing his own esteem too highly to be guilty of dis- 
honor, and the esteem of others too considerately to 
be guilty of incivility ; never violating decency, and 
respecting even the prejudices of honesty; yielding 
with an air of strength, and opposing with an ap- 
pearance of submission; full of courage, but free 
from ostentation ; without assumption, without ser- 
yility; too wise to despise trifles, but too noble ever 
to be degraded by them ; dignified but not haughty, 
firm but not impracticable, learned but not pedantic; 
to his superiors respectful, to his equals courteous ; 



INTRODUCTORY. 25 

kind to his inferiors, and wishing well to all. 

It is this modest pride which gives him that charm- 
ing ease, which, above all things, marks his manner. 
He would converse with Kings, or the embodied 
" blood of all the Howards," with as much composure 
as he would exhibit in speaking to his footman. 

A perfect gentleman instinctively knows just what 
to do under all circumstances) and need be bound by 
no written code of manners. Yet there is an unwrit- 
ten code which is as immutable as the laws of the 
Medes and Persians, and we who would acquire gen- 
tility must by some means make ourselves familiar 
with this. 

The true gentleman is rare, but, fortunately there 
is no crime in counterfeiting his excellences. The 
best of it is that the counterfeit may, in course of 
time, develop into the real thing. 

How shall I describe a lady ? Solomon has done 
it for me : 

" The heart of her husband doth safely trust in 
her." 

" She will do him good, and not evil, all the days 
of her life." 

" She girdeth her loins with strength, and strength- 
eneth her arms. 

"She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea she 
reacheth forth her hands to the needy." 

" She maketh herself coverings of tapestry ; her 
clothing is silk asd purple." 

" Her husba^ is known in the gates." 



26 INTRODUCTORY. 

" Strength and honor are her clothing." 

"She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in 
her tongue is the law of kindness." 

Strength, honor, wisdom, goodness and virtue are 
her requisites. A woman strong and womanly in 
all ways, in whom the heart of a husband can safely 
trust this is the perfect lady. 

That all should seek to shape the way and fashion 
of their lives in accordance with these models there 
can be no doubt. The best and surest course to pur- 
sue for that end is to look for, and to imitate as far 
as possible, the manifestations of the characteristics 
I have endeavored to describe. And that which was 
at first mere imitation may become at last a second 
nature. 

Good manners were perhaps originally but an ex- 
pression of submission from the weaker to the 
stronger, and many traces of their origin still remain: 
but a spirit of kindliness and unselfishness born of 
a higher order of civilization permeates for the most 
part the code of politeness. 

As an illustration of this, we cannot do better than 
cite the requirements of good breeding in regard to 
women. It is considered perfectly proper in the 
more barbarous forms of society to treat woman with 
all contumely. In polite society great deference is 
paid to her and certain seemingly arbitrary require- 
ments are made in her favor. Thus a gentleman is 
always expected to vacate his seat in favor of a lady 
who is unprovided with one. If it were possible to 



INTRODUCTORY. 27 

carry discrimination into this matter of yielding up 
seats, and require that the young, healthful and 
strong of either sex should stand that the old, weak 
and invalid of both sexes might sit, there could be 
no possible doubt as to the propriety of the regula- 
tion. 

The wisdom of the social law, as it really is, seems 
open to question. Yet it is wise and right, never- 
theless. Taking men as a whole, they are better 
able to endure the fatigue of standing than women. 
Women as the mothers of the race, the bearers and 
nurses of children, are entitled to special considera- 
tion and care on account of the physical disabilities 
which these duties entail ; and even if in their ordi- 
nary health they are capable of enduring fatigue, 
still there are times when to compel them to this 
endurance is cruel and unjust. Since women prefer, 
as a rule, to conceal their womanly weaknesses and 
disabilities as far as practicable, it is impossible for 
individual men to judge of the strength or weakness 
of individual women. Thus, when a man rises from 
his seat to give it to a woman, he silently says, in 
the spirit of true and noble manliness, " I offer you 
this, madam, in memory of my mother, who suffered 
that I might live, and of my present or future wife, 
who is, or is to be, the mother of my children." 
Such devotion of the stronger sex to the weaker is 
beautiful and just ; and this chivalrous spirit, carried 
through all the requirements of politeness, has a sig- 
nificance which should neither be overlooked n. 



28 INTRODUCTORY. 

undervalued. It is the very poetry of life, and 
tends toward that further development of civiliza- 
tion when all traces of woman's original degradation 
shall be lost. 

Those who would think slightingly of the impor- 
tance of good manners should read Emerson, who 
says ; " When we reflect how manners recommend, 
prepare and draw people together; how, in all clubs, 
manners make the members; how manners make 
the fortune of the ambitious youth; that, for the 
most part, his manners, marry him, and for the most 
part, he marries manners; when we think what keys 
they are, and to what secrets; what high lessons and 
inspiring tokens of character they convey; and what 
divination is required in us for the reading of this 
fine telegraph, we see what range the subject has, 
and what relations to convenience, form and beauty. 
The maxim of courts is power. A calm and reso- 
lute bearing, a polished speech, an embellishment of 
trifles and the art of hiding all uncomfortable feel- 
ings are essential to the courtier. . . . Manners im- 
press, as they indicate real power. A man who is 
sure of his point carries a broad and contented ex- 
pression, which everybody reads; and you cannot 
rightly train to an air and manner except by mak- 
ing him the kind of man of whom that manner is 
the natural expression. Nature forever puts a pre- 
mium on reality." 

Lord Chesterfield declared good breeding to be 
'the result of much good sense, some good nature, 



INTRODUCTORY. 29 

and a little self-denial for the sake of others and 
with a view to obtain the same indulgence from 
tfiem." The same authority in polite matters says. 
"Good sense and good nature suggest civility in gen- 
eral, but in good breeding there are a thousand lit- 
tle delicacies which are established only by cus- 
tom." 

" Etiquette," says a modern English author, " may 
be. defined as the minor morality of life. No obser- 
vances, however minute, that tend to spare the feel- 
ings of others, can be classed under the head of tri- 
vialities; and politeness, which is but another name 
for general amiability, will oil the creaking wheels 
of life more effectually than any of those unguents 
supplied by mere wealth and station. 

As to the technical part of politeness, or forms 
alone, the intercourse of society, and good advice, are 
undoubtedly useful; but the grand secret of never 
failing in propriety of deportment, is to have an in- 
tention of always doing what is right. With such 
a disposition of mind, exactness in observing what 
is proper appears to all to possess a charm and in- 
fluence ; and then not only do mistakes become ex- 
cusable, but they become even interesting from their 
thoughtlessness and naivete. Be, therefore, modest 
and benevolent, and do not distress yourself on ac- 
count of the mistakes of your inexperience; a little 
attention, and the advice of a friend will soon cor- 
rect these trifling errors. 

Morals, lay the foundation of manners. A well- 



30 IN TROD VCTOM Y. 

ordered mind, a well-regulated heart, produce the 
best conduct. The rules which a philosopher or 
moralist lays down for his own guidance, properly 
developed, lead to the most courteous acts. Frank- 
lin laid down for himsell the following rules to reg- 
ulate his conduct through life : 

Eat not to dullness ; drink not to elevation 

Speak not but what may benefit others or your- 
self; avoid trifling conversation. 

Let all your things have their places; let each 
part of your business have its time. 

Resolve to perform what you ought ; perform with- 
out fail what you resolve. 

Make no expense but to do good to others, or to 
yourself; ., waste nothing. 

Lose no time ; be always employed in something 
useful; cut off all unnecessary actions. 

Use no hurtful deceit ; think innocently and just- 
ly; and if you speak, speak accordingly. 

Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the 
benefits that are your duty. 

Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so 
much as you think they deserve. 

Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes or hab- 
itation. 

Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents com- 
mon or unavoidable, and "be temperate in all 
things." 

Let these rules be applied to the elegant inter- 
course of life, and they ^re precisely what is reouir- 



INTRODUCTORY. 3] 

ed. Those who would set good morals and good 
manners at variance, wrong both. 

That true good breeding consists not in the man- 
ner, but in the mind, is one of those insipid com- 
mon-places that the world delights to be told. That a 
pleasing exterior of appearance, and an insinuating 
habit of demeanor, may be perfectly attained by one, 
to whose feelings honor is a stranger, and generosity 
utterly unknown, it would be absurd to deny. But 
there unquestionably goes more than this to the for- 
mation of a thorough gentleman. Separated from 
native loftiness of sentiment, we rarely discover those 
courtly, and, if I may say so, those magnanimous 
manners, which constitute a high-bred man. 





ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 

CHAPTER 2. 

become accepted in society, 
a young man must win the 
good will of the few ladies 
of assured position who are 
the ruling spirits in their 
charmed circle, and whose 
dictum determines the social 
standing of the young aspi- 
rant. It is of less impor- 
tance to be in favor with the young girls who are 
themselves just entering society than with these older 
women, who can countenance whom they will and 
whose approbation and support will serve the novitiate 
better than fortune, talent or accomplishments. 

THE GOOD WILL OP WOMEN. 
A young man in entering society cannot be too 
attentive to conciliate the good will of women. Their 
approbation and support will serve him instead of a 
thousand good qualities. Their judgment dispenses 
with fortune, talent and even intelligence. 

SOCIAL CONNECTIONS. 

The desire of pleasing is, of course, the basis of 
social connection. Persons who enter society with the 
intention of producing an effect, and of being dis- 

32 



ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 33 

tinguished, however clever they may be, are never 
agreeable. They are always tiresome, and often ri- 
diculous. Persons, who enter life with such preten- 
sions, have no opportunity for improving themselves 
and profiting by experience. They are not in a prop- 
er state to observe. Indeed, they look only for the 
effect which they produce, and with that they are 
not often gratified. They thrust themselves into all 
conversations, indulge in continual anecdotes, which 
are varied only by dull disquisitions, listen to others 
with impatience and heedlessness, and are angry 
that they seem to be attending to themselves. Such 
persons go through scenes of pleasure, enjoying 
nothing. They are equally disagreeable to them- 
selves and others. 

BEING NATURAL. 

Young men should content themselves with being 
natural. Let them present themselves with a mod- 
est assurance: let them observe, hear, and examine, 
and before long they will rival their models. 

WITH WHOM TO ASSOCIATE. 

The conversation of those women who are not the 
most lavishly supplied with personal beauty, will be 
of the most advantage to the young aspirant. Such 
persons have cultivated their manners and conver- 
sation more than those who can rely upon their nat- 
ural endowments. The absence of pride and preten- 
sion has improved their good nature and their afifa- 



34 ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 

bility. They are not too much occupied in contem- 
plating their own charms, to be indisposed to indulge 
in gentle criticism on others. One acquires from 
them an elegance in one's manners as well as one's 
expressions. Their kindness pardons every error 
and to instruct or reprove, their acts are so delicate 
that the lesson which they give, always without of- 
fending, is sure to be profitable, though it may be 
often unperceived. 

Women observe all the delicacies of propriety in 
manners, and all the shades of impropriety, much 
better than men; not only because they attend to 
them earlier and longer, but because their percep- 
tions are more refined than those of the other sex, 
who are habitually employed about greater things. 
Women divine, rather than arrive at proper conclu- 
sions. 

WHAT TO TOLERATE. 

The whims and caprices of women in society 
should of course be tolerated by men, who themselves 
require toleration for greater inconveniences. But 
this must not be carried too far. There are certain 
limits to empire which, if they themselves forget, 
should be pointed out to them with delicacy and 
politeness. You should be the slave of women, but 
not of all their fancies. 

COMMON PLACE SPEECH. 
Compliment is the language of intercourse from 



ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 35 

men to women. But be careful to avoid elaborate 
and common-place forms of gallant speech. Do not 
strive to make those long eulogies on a woman, 
which have the regularity and nice dependency of a 
proposition in Euclid, and might be fittingly con- 
cluded by Q. E. D. Do not be always undervaluing 
her rival in a woman's presence, nor mistaking a 
woman's daughter for her sister. These antiquated 
and exploded attempts denote a person who has 
learned the world more from books than men. 

MODESTY. 

The quality which a young man should most af- 
fect in intercourse with gentlemen, is a decent modes- 
ty : but he must avoid all bashfulness or timidity. 
His flights must not go too far ; but, so far as they 
go, let them be marked by perfect assurance. 

RESPECTFUL DEFERENCE. 

Among persons who are much your seniors behave 
with the most respectful deference. As they find 
themselves sliding out of importance they may be 
easily conciliated by a little respect. 

EASE OF MANNER. 

By far the most important thing to be attended to, 
is ease of manner. Grace may be added afterwards, 
or be omitted altogether: it is of much less moment 
than is commonly believed. Perfect propriety and 
entire ease are sufficient qualifications for standing 



36 ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 

in society, and abundant prerequisites for distinc- 
tion. 

DISTINCTIONS IN CONDUCT. 

There is the most delicate shade of difference be- 
tween civility and intrusiveness, familiarity and 
common-place, pleasantry and sharpness, the natur- 
al and the rude, gaiety and carelessness ; hence the 
inconveniences of society, and the errors of its mem- 
bers. To define well in conduct these distinctions, 
is the great art of a man of the world. It is easy to 
know what to do ; the difficulty is to know what to 
avoid. 

LONG USAGE. 

A sort of moral magnetism, a tact acquired by 
frequent and long associating with others alone 
give those qualities which keep one always from er- 
ror, and entitle him to the name of a thorough 
gentleman. 

SELECTING COMPANY. 

A young man or woman upon first entering into 
society should select those persons who are most cel- 
ebrated for the propriety and elegance of their man- 
ners. They should frequent their company, and im- 
itate their conduct. There is a disposition inherent 
in all, which has been noticed by Horace and by 
Dr. Johnson, to imitate faults, because they are more 



ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 37 

readily observed and more easily followed. There 
are, also, many foibles of manner and many refine- 
ments of affectation, which sit agreeably upon on 
man, which if adopted by another would become 
unpleasant. There are even some excellences of de- 
portment which would not suit another whose char- 
acter is different. 

GOOD SENSE. 

For successful imitation in anything, good sense 
is indispensable. It is requisite correctly to appre- 
ciate the natural differences between your model and 
yourself, and to introduce such modifications in the 
copy as may be consistent with them. 

QUALITIES OF A GENTLEMAN. 

Let not any man imagine, that he shall easily ac- 
quire those qualities which will constitute him a 
gentleman. It is necessary not only to exert the 
highest degree of art, but to attain also that higher 
accomplishment of concealing art. The serene and 
elevated dignity which mark that character, are the 
result of untiring and arduous effort. After the 
sculpture has attained the shape of propriety, it re- 
mains to smooth off all the marks of the chisel. 
" A gentleman," says a celebrated French author, "is 
one who has reflected deeply upon all the obliga- 
tions which belong to his station, and who has ap- 
plied himself ardently to fulfill them with grace." 



38 ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 

WHOM TO IMITATE. 

He who is polite without importunity, gallant with- 
out being offensive, attentive to the comfort of all; em- 
ploying a well-regulated kindness, witty at the proper 
times discreet,indulgent,generous,who exercises, in his 
sphere, a high degree of moral authority; he it is, 
and he alone, that one should imitate. 





INTRODUCTIONS. 

CHAPTER 3. 



N the introduction of one gentle- 
man to another, great pru- 
dence and caution must be 
used by the really polite man ; 
but in the introduction of 
ladies to each other, and to 
gentlemen, infinitely more care 
is necessary, as a lady cannot shake off an improper 
acquaintance with the same facility as a gentleman 
can do, and her character is much easier affected by 
apparent contact with the worthless and the dissi- 
pated. 

It is incumbent, therefore, on ladies to avoid all 
proffers of introductions, unless from those on whom 
from relationship or other causes, they can place the 
most implicit confidence. 

INTRODUCTIONS BY RELATIVES. 

As a general rule, ladies may always at once ac- 
cord to any offers of introduction that may proceed 
from a father, mother, husband, sister or brother; 
those from intimate cousins and tried friends are 
also to be considered favorably, although not to be 



40 INTRODUCTIONS. 

entitled to the same implicit reliance as the former. 
Formerly it was the habit for the ladies to curtsey 
on being introduced, but this has latterly been 
changed into the more easy and graceful custom of 
bowing. 

SALUTING AND SHAKING HANDS. 

The habit of saluting and shaking hands is now 
quite obsolete, except in some country towns where 
ladies at first introductions salute other ladies by 
kissing them on the cheek, and fervently shake the 
hands of the gentlemen. 

FIRST INTRODUCTION. 

At present, in the best society, all that a lady is 
called upon' to do, upon a first introduction either to 
a lady or a gentleman, is to make a slight, but gra- 
cious inclination of the head. 

SECOND OR SUBSEQUENT MEETING. 

Upon one lady meeting another for the second or 
subsequent times, the hand may be extended in sup- 
plement to the inclination of the head ; but no lady 
should ever extend her hand to a gentleman, unless 
she is very intimate, a bow at meeting and one at 
parting, is all that is necessary. 

THE OBLIGATIONS OF INTRODUCTION. 

Two persons who have been properly introduced 
have in future certain claims upon one another's ac- 




INTRODUCTIONS. 



INTRODUCTIONS. 41 

quaintance which should be recognized unless there 
are sufficient reasons for overlooking them. Even 
in that case good manners require the formal bow of 
recognition upon meeting, which of itself encoura- 
ges no familiarity. Only a very ill-bred person will 
meet another with a vacant stare. 

AFTER AN INTRODUCTION. 

If you wish to avoid the company of any one that 
has been properly introduced, satisfy your own mind 
that your reasons are correct ; and then let no in- 
ducement cause you to shrink from treating him 
with respect, at the same time shunning his com- 
pany. No gentleman will thus be able either to 
blame or mistake you. 

INTRODUCTIONS WHILE TRAVELING. 

If, in traveling, any one introduces himself to you 
and does it in a proper and respectful manner, con- 
duct yourself towards him with politeness, ease, and 
dignity ; if he is a gentleman, he will appreciate 
your behavior and if not a gentleman will be de- 
terred from annoying you; but acquaintanceships, 
thus formed must cease where they began. Your 
entering into conversation with a lady or gentleman 
while traveling does not give any of you a right to 
after recognition. If any one introduces himself to 
you in a manner betraying the least want of respect, 
either towards you or himself, you can only turn 
from him in dignified silence, and if he presumes 



42 INTRODUCTIONS. 

to address you further, then there is no punishment 
too severe. 

INTRODUCTORY LETTER TO LADIES. 

Be very cautious of giving a gentleman a letter 
of introduction to a lady ; for remember, in propor- 
tion as you are esteemed by the lady to whom it is 
addressed, so do you claim for your friend her good 
wishes, and such letters are often the means of set- 
tling the weal or the woe of the parties for life. 
Ladies should never themselves, unless upon cases 
of the most urgent business, deliver introductory 
letters, but should send them in an envelope inclos- 
ing their card. 

KECEIPT OF INTRODUCTORY LETTERS. 

On receipt of an introductory letter, take it into 
instant consideration; if you are determined not to 
receive the party, write at once some polite, plausi- 
ble, but dignified cause of excuse. If the party is 
one you think fit to receive, then let your answer be 
accordingly, and without delay ; never leave unan- 
swered till the next day a letter of introduction. 

If any one whom you have never seen before call 
with a letter of introduction, and you know from its 
appearance who sent it, desire the person to sit down, 
and at once treat them politely ; but if you do not 
recognize the hand-writing it is quite proper, after- 
requesting them to be seated, to beg their pardon, and 



INTRODUCTIONS. 43 

peruse the letter in order that you may know how 
to act. 

REQUESTING A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION. 

If any one requests a letter of introduction, and 
you do not consider that it would be prudent, eithei 
in respect to your situation with the person so re- 
questing it, or with the one to whom it would be 
addressed, refuse it with firmness, and allow no in- 
ducement whatever to alter your purpose. 

INTRODUCTION TO SOCIETY. 

On your introduction to society, be modest, retir- 
ing, unassuming, and dignified ; pay respect to all, 
but most to those who pay you the most, provided 
it is respectful and timely. 

BESTOWING OF TITLES. 

In introducing a person be sure to give him his 
appropriate title, as some persons are jealous of their 
dignity. If he is a clergyman, say " The Rev. Mr. 
Forsyth." If a doctor of divinity, say "The Rev. 
Dr. Forsyth." If he is a member of Congress, call 
him " Honorable," and specify to which branch of 
Congress he belongs. If he be governor of a State, 
mention what State. If he is a man of any celebri- 
ty in the world of art or letters, it is well to mention 
the fact something after this manner : " Mr. Ellis, 
the artist, whose pictures you have frequently seen," 



44 INTRODUCTIONS. 

or "Mr. Smith, author of 'The World after the Del- 
uge/ which you so greatly admired." 

PROPER FORMS OF INTRODUCTION. 

The proper form of introduction is to present the 
gentleman to the lady, the younger to the older, the 
inferior to the superior; Thus you will say : " Mrs. 
Gary, allow me to present to you Mr. Rhodes: Mr. 
Rhodes, Mrs. Gary ;" "Mrs. Wood, let me present to 
you my friend Miss. Ewing ;" "General Graves, per- 
mit me to introduce to you Mr. Hughes." The ex- 
act words used in introductions are immaterial, so 
that the proper order is preserved. 

It is better, among perfect equals, to employ the 
phrase, "Permit me to present you to * *," than 
"Permit me to present to you * *;" there are men in 
this world, and men, too, who are gentlemen, who 
are so sensitive that they would be offended if the 
latter of these forms was employed in presenting 
them to another. 

CEREMONIOUS PHRASES. 

These ceremonious phrases, "Permit me to present, 
&c.," are not to be employed unless the acquaintance 
has been solicited by one party, under circumstan- 
ces of mere ceremony; and when you employ them, 
do not omit to repeat to each distinctly the name of 
the other. 



INTRODUCTIONS. 45 

CASUAL INTRODUCTIONS. 

When two men unacquainted meet one another 
where it is obviously necessary that they should be 
made known to each other, perform the operation 
with mathematical simplicity and precision, -"Mr. 
A., Mr. A/; Mr. A.\ Mr. A." 

SPEAK THE NAME DISTINCTLY. 

When, upon being presented to another, you do 
not feel certain of having caught his name, it may 
be worse than awkward to remain, as it were, shoot- 
ing the dark ; say, therefore, at once, without hesita- 
tion or embarrassment, before making your bow, " I 
beg your pardon, I did not hear the name." 

INTRODUCTION OF A LADY TO GENTLEMEN. 

When you are presented to a gentleman, do not 
give your hand, but merely bow, with politeness : 
and, if you have requested the presentment, or know 
the person by reputation, you may make a speech, 
indeed, in all cases it is courteous to add, "I am hap- 
py to make your acquaintance/' or, "I am happy to 
have the honor of your acquaintance." I am aware 
that high authority might be found in this country 
to sanction the custom of giving the hand upon a 
first meeting, but it is undoubtedly a solecism in 
manners. The habit has been adopted by us, with 
some improvement for the worse, from France. 



46 INTRODUCTIONS. 

INTRODUCTIONS IN OTHER COUNTRIES. 

When two Frenchmen are presented to one anotk 
er, each presses the other's hand with delicate affec- 
tion. The English, however, never do so ; and the 
practice is altogether inconsistent with the caution 
of manner which is characteristic of their nation 
and our own. If we are to follow the French in 
shaking hands with one whom we have never before 
seen, we should certainly imitate them also in kiss- 
ing our intimate male acquaintances. There are 
some Americans, indeed, who will not leave this 
matter optional, but will seize your hand in spite of 
you, and visit it pretty roughly before you recover 
it. Next to being presented to the Grand Jury, is 
the nuisance of being presented to such persons. 
Such handling is most unhandsome. 

INTRODUCTIONS WITH PERMISSION. 

A gentleman should not be presented to a lady 
without her permission being previously asked and 
granted. This formality is not necessary between 
men alone ; but, still, you should not present any 
one, even at his own request, to another, unless you 
are quite well assured that the acquaintance will be 
agreeable to the latter. You may decline upon the 
ground of not being sufficiently intimate yourself. 
A man does himself no service with another when 
he obliges him to know people whom he would 
rather avoid. 



INTRODUCTIONS. & 

INTRODUCTIONS WITHOUT PERMISSION. 

There are some exceptions to the necessity of ap- 
plying to a lady for her permission. At a party or 
a dance, the mistress of the house may present any 
man to any woman without application to the lat* 
ter. A sister may present her brother, and a moth- 
er may present her son, upon their own authority ; 
but they should be careful not to do this unless 
where they are very intimate, and unless there is no 
inferiority on their part. A woman may be very 
willing to know another woman, without caring to 
be saddled with her whole family. As a general 
rule, it is better to be presented by the mistress of 
the house, than by any other person. 

MEETING ON THE STREET. 

If you are walking down the street in company 
with another person, and stop to say something to 
one of your friends, or are joined by a friend who 
walks with you for a long time, do not commit the 
too common, but most flagrant error, of presenting 
such persons to one another. 

MORNING VISITORS. 

If you are paying a morning visit, and some one 
comes in, whose name you know, and no more, and 
he or she is not recognized by, or acquainted with, 
the person visited, present such a person, yourself. 



48 INTRODUCTIONS. 

INTRODUCING YOURSELF. 

If on entering a drawing-room to pay a visit, you 
are not recognized, mention your name immediately; 
if you know but one member of a family, and you 
find others only in the parlor, present yourself to 
them. Much awkwardness may be occasioned by 
want of attention to this. 

ASSISTING A LADY IN DIFFICULTY. 

If you see a lady whom you do not know, unat- 
tended, and wanting the assistance of a man, offer 
your services to her immediately. Do it with great 
courtesy, taking off your hat and begging the honor 
of assisting her. This precept, although universally 
observed in France, is constantly violated in England 
and America by the demi-bred, perhaps by all but 
the thorough-bred. The '*mob of gentlemen" in this 
country seem to act in these cases as if a gentleman 
ipso facto ceased to be a MAN, and as if the form of 
presentation was established to prevent intercourse 
and not to increase it. 





SALUTATIONS. 

CHAPTER 4. 

T is the salutation, says a French 
writer, which is the touchstone oi 
of good breeding. There have 
been men since Absalom who 
have owed their ruin to a bad 
bow. 

According to circumstances, it 
should be respectful, cordial, civil, 
affectionate or familiar an incli- 
nation of the head, a gesture with 
the hand, the touching or doffing of the hat. 

" It would seem that good manners were originally 
the expression of submission from the weaker to 
the stronger. In a rude state of society every salu- 
tation is to this day an act of worship. Hence the 
commonest acts, phrases and signs of courtesy with 
which we are now familiar, date from those earlier 
stages when the strong hand ruled and the inferior 
demonstrated his allegiance by studied servility. Let 
us take, for example, the words ' sir ' and ' madam.' 
'Sir' is derived from seigneur, sieur, and origi- 
nally meant lord, king, ruler and, in its patriarchal 
sense, father. The title of sire was last borne by 
some of the ancient feudal families of France, who, 

49 



50 SALUTATIONS. 

as Selden has said, ' affected rather to be styled ^ 
the name of sire than baron, as Le Sire de Montmoren- 
d and the like.' 'Madam' or 'madame,' corrupted 
by servants into 'ma'am/ and by Mrs. Gamp and her 
tribe into 'mum,' is in substance equivalent to ' your 
exalted,' or 'your highness,' madame originally 
meaning high-born or stately, and being applied on- 
ly to ladies of the highest rank. 

FORMS OF SALUTATION. 

" To turn to our every-day forms of salutadon. 
We take off our hats on visiting an acquaintance. 
We bow on being introduced to strangers. We rise 
when visitors enter our drawing-room. We wave 
our hand to our friend as he passes the window or 
drives away from our door. The Oriental, in like 
manner, leaves his shoes on the threshold when he 
pays a visit. The natives of the Tonga Islands kiss 
the soles of a chieftain's feet. The Siberian peasant 
grovels in the dust before a Russian noble. Each 
of these acts has a primary, a historical significance. 
The very word 'salutation,' in the first place, derived 
as it is from salutatio, the daily homage paid by a 
Roman client to his patron, suggests in itself a his- 
tory of manners. 

" To bare the head was originally an act of sub- 
mission to gods and rulers. A bow is a modified 
prostration. A lady's curtsey is a modified genu- 
flection. Rising and standing are acts of homage ; 



SALUTATIONS. 61 

and when we wave our hand to a friena un the op- 
posite side of the street, we are unconsciously imitat- 
ing the Romans, who, as Selden tells us, used to stand 
1 somewhat off before the images of their gods, sol- 
emnly moving the right hand to the lips and casting 
it, as if they had cast kisses/ Again, men remove 
the glove when they shake hands with a lady a 
custom evidently of feudal origin. The knight re- 
moved his iron gauntlet, the pressure of which would 
have been all too harsh for the palm of a fair chate- 
laine : and the custom, which began in necessity, has 
traveled down to us as a point of etiquette." 

SALUTATIONS OP DIFFERENT NATIONS. 

Each nation has its own method of salutation. In 
Southern Africa it is the custom to rub toes. In 
Lapland your friend rubs his nose against yours. 

The Moors of Morocco have a somewhat startling 
mode of salutation. They ride at a gallop toward a 
stranger, as though they would unhorse him, and 
when close at hand suddenly check their horse and 
fire a pistol over the person's head. 

The Turk folds his arms upon his breast and bends 
his head very low. The Egyptian solicitously asks 
you, "How do you perspire ?" and lets his hand fall 
to the knee. The Spaniard says, " God be with you, 
sir," or, "How do you stand?" And the Neapolitan 
piously remarks, "Grow in holiness." The Chinese 
bows low and inquires, "Have you eaten ?" The 



52 SALUTATIONS. 

German asks, "Wie gehts?" How goes it with you? 
The Frenchman bows profoundly and inquires, 
"How do you carry yourself? 

In England and America there are three modes of 
salutation the bow, the handshake and the kiss. 

THE Bow. 

The bow is the proper mode of salutation to ex- 
change between acquaintances in public, and, in cer- 
tain circumstances, in private. The bow should 
never be a mere nod. A gentleman should raise his 
hat completely from his head and slightly incline 
the whole body. Ladies should recognize their gen- 
tlemen friends with a bow or graceful inclination. 
It is their place to bow first, although among inti- 
mate acquaintances the recognition may be simulta- 
neous. 

A well-bred man always removes his cigar from 
his lips whenever he bows to a lady. 

A young lady should show the same deference 
to an elderly lady, or one occupying a higher social 
position, that a gentleman does to a lady. 

WORDS OF SALUTATION. 

The most common forms of salutation are "How 
d'ye do?" "How are you?" "Good-morning," and 
" Good-evening." The two latter forms seem the 
most appropriate, as it is most absurd to ask after a 
person's health and not stop to receive the answer. 




SALUTATIONS. 



SALUTATIONS, 63 

A respectful bow should always accompany the 
words of salutation. 

FOREIGNERS' SALUTATIONS. 

Foreigners are given to embracing. In France 
and Germany the parent kisses his grown-up son on 
the forehead, men throw their arms around the necks 
of their friends, and brothers embrace like lovers. 
It is a curious sight to Americans, with their natural 
prejudices against publicity in kissing. 

SALUTATIONS ON THE STREET. 

It is a mark of high breeding not to speak to a 
lady in the street, until you perceive that she has 
noticed you by an inclination of the head.. 

MEETING IN THE STREET. 

If you have anything to say to any one in the 
street, especially a lady, however intimate you may 
be, do not stop the person, but turn round and walk 
in company; you can take leave at the end of the 
street. 

Bow OF CIVILITY. 

If there is any one of your acquaintance, with 
whom you have a difference, do not avoid looking 
at him, unless from the nature of things the quarrel 
is necessarily for life. It is almost always better to 
bow with cold civility, though without speaking. 



54 SALUTATIONS. 

In passing women with whom you are not partic- 
ularly well acquainted, bow, but do not speak. 

SALUTING LADIES. 

In bowing to women it is not enough that you 
touch your hat ; you must take it entirely off. Em- 
ploy for the purpose that hand which is most dis- 
tant from the person saluted ; thus, if you pass on 
the right side, use your right hand ; if on the left, 
use your left hand. 

SHAKING HANDS. 

Among friends the shaking of the hand is the 
most genuine and cordial expression of good-will. 
It is not necessary, though in certain cases it is not 
forbidden, upon introduction ; but when acquaint- 
anceship has reached any degree of intimacy, it is 
perfectly proper. 

ETIQUETTE OF HANDSHAKING. 

" The etiquette of handshaking is simple. A man 
has no right to take a lady's hand until it is offered. 
He has even less right to pinch or retain it. Two 
ladies shake hands gently and softly. A young la- 
dy gives her hand, but does not shake a gentleman's 
unless she is his friend. A lady should always rise 
to give her hand ; a gentleman, of course > never 
dares to do so seated. On introduction in a room a 
married lady generally offers her hand ; a young 



SAL UTA TIONS. 55 

lady, not. In a ballroom, where the introduction is 
to dancing, not to friendship, you never shake hands; 
and as a general rule, an introduction is not follow- 
ed by shaking hands, only by a bow. It may per- 
haps be laid down that the more public the place of 
introduction, the less handshaking takes place. But 
if the introduction be particular, if it be accompan- 
ied by personal recommendation, such as, ' I want 
you to know my friend Phelps,' or if Phelps comes 
with a letter of presentation, then you give Phelps 
your hand, and warmly too. Lastly, it is the priv- 
ilege of a superior to offer or withhold his or her 
hand, so that an inferior should never put his for- 
ward first." 

When a lady so far puts aside her reserve as to 
shake hands at all, she should give her hand with 
frankness and cordiality. There should be equal 
frankness and cordiality on the gentleman's part^ 
and even more warmth, though a careful avoidance 
of anything like offensive familiarity or that which 
might be mistaken as such. A lady who has only 
two fingers to give in handshaking had better keep 
them to herself; and a gentleman who rudely press- 
es the hand offered him in salutation, or too violen t- 
ly shakes it, ought never to have an opportunity to 
repeat his offense." 

THE Kiss. 

The most familiar and affectionate form of salu. 
tation is the kiss. It need scarcely be said that this 



56 SALUTATIONS. 

is only proper on special occasions and between spe- 
cial parties. 

THE Kiss OF RESPECT. 

The kiss of mere respect almost obsolete in this 
country is made on the hand. This custom is re- 
tained in Germany and among gentlemen of the 
most courtly manners in England. 

THE Kiss OF FRIENDSHIP. 

The kiss of friendship and relationship is on the 
cheeks and forehead. As a general rule, this act of 
affection is excluded from public eyes; in the case 
of parents and children unnecessarily so ; for there 
is no more pleasing and touching sight than to see 
a young man kiss his mother, or a young woman 
her father, upon meeting or parting. 

WOMEN KISSING IN PUBLIC. 

Custom seems to give a kind of sanction to wom- 
en kissing each other in public : but there is, never- 
theless, a touch of vulgarity about it, and a lady of 
really delicate perceptions will avoid it. 





SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 

CHAPTER 5. 

E will, in the following chapters, 
dwell more particularly upon 
the external usages and cus- 
toms of polite life a knowl- 
edge and practice of which 
are necessary to enable one to 
enter respectable company. In 
many instances we have re- 
peated the same idea over again, to enforce some 
important point. We now proceed to give the reader 
some advice as to the mental qualities desirable to be 
possessed by all who wish to make a lasting mark in 
" our best society." 

THE VALUE OF KNOWLEDGE. 

The young are apt to disregard the value of knowl- 
edge, partly, we fear, from the pertinacious con- 
stancy with which teachers, parents, and guardians, 
endeavor to impress them with its inestimable 
worth. 

" Knowledge better than houses and lands " is the 
title of one of the first picture-books presented to a 
child, and it is the substance of ten thousand pre- 
57 



58 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 

cepts which are constantly dinned in his ears from 
infancy upwards ; so that, at first, the truth becomes 
tiresome and almost detested. 



A GOOD CONSCIENCE. 

Still it is a sober truth, of which every one should 
feel the force, that, with the single exception of a 
good conscience, no possession can be so valuable as 
a good stock of information. 

Some portion of it is always coming into use; and 
there is hardly any kind of information which may 
not become useful in an active life. 

When we speak of information, we do not mean 
that merely which has direct reference to one's trade, 
profession, or business. 

GOOD CHARACTER. 

To be skillful in these is a matter of absolute ne- 
cessity ; so much so, that we often see, for example, 
a merchant beginning the world with no other stock 
than a good character and a thorough knowledge of 
business, and speedily acquiring wealth and respect- 
ability ; while another, who is not well informed in 
his business, begins with a fortune, fails in every- 
thing he undertakes, causes loss and disgrace to all 
who are connected with him, and goes on blunder- 
ing to the end of the chapter. 



SOCIA L INTERCO UR8E. 59 

A WELL INFORMED MAN. 

A thorough knowledge of one's business or profes- 
sion is not enough, of itself, to constitute what is 
properly called a well-informed man. 

On the contrary, one who possesses this kind of in- 
formation only, is generally regarded as a mere ma- 
chine, unfit for society or rational enjoyment. 

LIBERAL AND SCIENTIFIC INFORMATION. 

A man should possess a certain amount of liberal 
and scientific information, to which he should al- 
ways be adding something as long as he lives ; and 
in this free country he should make himself ac- 
quainted with his own political and legal rights. 

"Keep a thing seven years and you will have use 
for it," is an old motto which will apply admirably 
well to almost any branch of knowledge. 

Learn almost any science, language, or art, and in 
a few years you will find it of service to you. 

EMPLOYING LEISURE MOMENTS. 

Employ that leisure which others waste in idle and 
corrupting pursuits, in the acquisition of those 
branches of knowledge which serve to amuse as well 
as instruct ; natural history, for example, or chemis- 
try, or astronomy, or drawing, or any of the numer- 
ous kindred branches of study. 



60 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 

SOFTENING NATURAL FEROCITY. 

There is in most tempers a natural ferocity which 
wants to be softened ; and the study of the liberal 
arts and sciences will generally have this happy ef- 
fect in polishing the manners. 

When the mind is daily attentive to useful learn- 
ing, a man is detached from his passions, and taken 
as it were, out of himself; and the habit of being so 
abstracted makes the mind more manageable, be- 
cause the passions are out of practice. 

THE ARTS OF PEACE. 

Besides, the arts of learning are the arts of peace, 
which furnish no encouragements to a hostile dis- 
position. 

There is a dreadful mistake too current among 
young people, and which their own experience is apt 
to cherish and commend in one another that a 
youth is of no consequence, and makes no figure, 
unless he is quarrelsome, and renders himself a ter- 
ror to his companions. 

They call this honor and spirit; but it is false hon- 
or, and an evil spirit. It does not command any re- 
spect, but begets hatred and aversion; and as it can 
not well consist with the purposes of society, it leads 
a person into a sort of solitude, like that of the wild 
beast in the desert, who must spend his time by him- 
self, because he is not fit for company. 



SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 61 

DIFFERENCES IN SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 

If any difference arises, it should be conducted 
with reason and moderation. Scholars should con- 
tend with wit and argument, which are the weapons 
proper to their profession. 

Their science is a science of defense; it is like that 
of fencing with the foil, which has a guard or but- 
ton upon the point, that no hurt may be given. 
When the sword is taken up instead of the foil, fenc- 
ing is no longer an exercise of the school but of the 
field. 

If a gentleman with a foil in his hand appears 
heated, and in a passion with his adversary, he ex- 
poses himself by acting out of character; because 
this is a trial of art, and not of passion. 

The reason why people are soon offended, is only 
this that they set a high value upon themselves. 

SLIGHT REFLECTIONS. 

A slight reflection can never be a great offense, 
but when it is offered to a great person; and if a 
man is such in his own opinion, he will measure an 
offense, as he measures himself, far beyond its value. 

If we consult our religion upon this subject, it 
teaches us that no man is to value himself for any 
qualifications of mind or body. 

What we call complaisance, gentility, or good 
breeding, affects to do this; and is the imitation of a 
most excellent virtue. 



62 SOCIAL IXTEHCO URSE. 

IMPROVING BY CONVERSATION. 

If we would improve our minds by conversation, 
it is a great happiness to be acquainted with persons 
older than ourselves. 

It is a piece of useful advice, therefore, to get the 
favor of their conversation frequently, as far as cir- 
cumstances will allow. 

LEARN SOMETHING FROM ALL. 

In mixed company, among acquaintance and 
strangers, endeavor to learn something from all. 

Be swift to hear, but be cautious of your tongue* 
lest you betray your ignorance, and perhaps offend 
some of those who are present too. 

Acquaint yourself therefore sometimes with per- 
sons and parties which are far distant from your 
common life and customs. This is the way whereby 
you may form a wiser opinion of men and things. 

Be not frightened or provoked at opinions differ- 
ing from your own. 

BE NOT TOO CONFIDENT. 

Some persons are so confident they are in the right 
that they will not come within the hearing of any 
opinion but their own. They canton out to them- 
selves a little province in the intellectual world, 
where they fancy the light shines, and all the rest is 
in darkness. 

Believing that it is impossible to learn something 



SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 63 

from persons they consider much below themselves. 
NARROW AND LIMITED VIEWS 

We are all short-sighted creatures; our views are 
also, narrow and limited; we often see hut one side 
of a matter, and do not extend our sight far and 
wide enough to reach everything that has a connec- 
tion with the thing we talk of. We see but in part; 
therefore it is no wonder we form incorrect conclu- 
sions, because we don't survey the whole of any sub- 
ject. 

CONSULTING WITH OTHERS. 

We have a different prospect of the same thing, 
according to the different positions of our under- 
standings toward it: a weaker man may sometimes 
light on truths which have escaped a stronger, and 
which the wiser man might make a happy use of, if 
he would condescend to take notice of them. 

DIFFERENCE OF OPINION. 

When you are forced to differ from him who de- 
livers his opinion on any subject, yet agree as far as 
you can, and represent how far you agree; and, if 
there be any room for it, explain the words of the 
speaker in such a sense to which you can in general 
assent, and so agree with him, or at least by a small 
addition or alteration of his sentiments show your 
own sense of things. 



84 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 

It is the practice and delight of a candid hearei 
to make it appear how unwilling he is to differ from 
him that speaks. 

Let the speaker know that it is nothing but truth 
constrains you to oppose him; and let that difference 
be always expressed in few, and civil, and chosen 
words, such as may give the least offence. 

And be careful always to take Solomon's rule with 
you, and let your companion fairly finish his speech 
before you reply; "for he that answereth a matter be- 
fore he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him," 

A little watchfulness, care, and practice, in young- 
er life, will render all these things more easy, famil- 
iar, and natural to you, and will grow into habit. 





CON VE KS ATION. 



CONVERSATION. 

CHAPTER 6. 

HE finest compliment that can 
be paid to a woman of refine- 
ment and esprit is to lead the 
conversation into such a chan- 
nel as may mark your appre- 
ciation of her superior attain- 
ments. 

Let your conversation be 
adapted as skilfully as may be 
to your company. Some men 
make a point of talking com- 
monplaces to all ladies alike, 
as if a woman could only be a trifler. Others, on the 
contrary, seem to forget in what respects the educa- 
tion of a lady differs from that of a gentleman, and 
commit the opposite error of conversing on topics with 
which ladies are seldom acquainted. A woman of 
sense has as much right to be annoyed by the one as 
a lady of ordinary education by the other. 

SUBJECTS TO BE AVOIDED. 

In talking with ladies of ordinary education, avoid 
political, scientific or commercial topics, and choose 
only such subjects as are likely to be of interest to 
them. 

65 




CONVERSA TION. 

TALK TO PEOPLE OF THEIR OWN AFFAIRS. 

Remember that people take more interest in their 
own affairs than in anything else which you can 
name. If you wish your conversation to be thor- 
oughly agreeable, lead a mother to talk of her chil- 
dren, a young lady of her last ball, an author of 
his forthcoming book, or an artist of his exhibition 
picture. Having furnished the topic, you need only 
listen; and you are sure to be thought not only 
agreeable, but thoroughly sensible and well-in- 
formed. 

AVOID TALKING TOO MUCH OF THEIR PROFESSIONS. 

Be careful, however, on the other hand, not always 
to make a point of talking to persons upon general 
matters relating to their professions. To show an 
interest in their immediate concerns is flattering; 
but to converse with them too much about their own 
arts looks as if you thought them ignorant of other 
topics. 

AVOID CLASSICAL QUOTATIONS. 

Do not use a classical quotation in the presence of 
ladies without apologizing for, or translating it. 
Even this should only be done when no other phrase 
would so aptly express your meaning. Whether in 
the presence of ladies or gentlemen, much display 
of learning is pedantic and out of place. 



CONVERSATION. 67 

MODULATION. 

There is a certain distinct but subdued tone of 
voice which is peculiar to only well-bred persons. A 
loud voice is both disagreeable and vulgar. It is 
better to err by the use of too low than too loud a 
tone. 

SLANG. 

Remember that all "slang" is vulgar. It has be- 
come of late unfortunately prevalent, and we have 
known even ladies pride themselves on the saucy 
chique with which they adopt certain cant phrases 
of the day. Such habits cannot be too severely repre- 
hended. They lower the tone of society and the 
standard of thought. It is a great mistake to sup- 
pose that slang is in any way a substitute for wit. 

USING PROVERBS AND PUNS. 

The use of proverbs is equally vulgar in conversa- 
tion ; and puns, unless they rise to the rank of witti- 
cisms, are to be scrupulously avoided. There is no 
greater nuisance in society than a dull and persever- 
ing punster, 

AVOID LONG ARGUMENTS. 

Long arguments in general company, however en- 
tertaining to the disputants, are tiresome to the last 
degree to all others. You should always endeavor 



68 CONVERSATION. 

to prevent the conversation from dwelling too long 
upon one topic. 

INTERRUPTING A PERSON WHILE SPEAKING. 

Never interrupt a person who is speaking. It has 
been aptly said that " if you interrupt a speaker in 
the middle of his sentence, you act almost as rudely 
as if, when walking with a companion, you were to 
thrust yourself before him, and stop his progress." 

WHISPERING IN SOCIETY. 

It is considered extremely ill-bred when two per- 
sons whisper in society, or converse in a language 
with which all present are not familiar. If you have 
private matters to discuss, you should appoint a 
proper time and place to do so, without paying 
others the ill compliment of excluding them from 
your conversation. 

If a foreigner be one of the guests at a small party, 
and does not understand English sufficiently to fol- 
low what is said, good-breeding demands that the 
conversation shall be carried on (when possible) in 
his own language. If at a dinner-party, the same 
rule applies to those at his end of the table. 

MAKE THE TOPIC OF CONVERSATION KNOWN. 

If upon the entrance of a visitor you carry on the 
thread of a previous conversation, you should briefly 
recapitulate to him what has been said before he 
arrived. 



COSVERSATION 

WITTICISMS. 

Do not be always witty, even though you 
be so happily gifted as to need the caution. To out- 
.shine others on every occasion is the surest road to 
unpopularity. 

Always look, but never stare, at those with whom 
you converse. 

In order to meet the general needs of conversation 
in society, it is necessary that a man should be well 
acquainted with the current news and historical 
events of at least the last few years. 

AVOID UNFAMILIAR SUBJECTS. 

Never talk upon subjects of which you know noth- 
ing, unless it be for the purpose of acquiring infor- 
mation. Many young men imagine that because 
they frequent exhibitions and operas they are quali- 
fied judges of art. No mistake is more egregious 01 
universal. 

INTRODUCING ANECDOTES. 

Those who introduce anecdotes into their uOnrfii* 
sation are warned that these should invariably be 
"short, witty, eloquent, new, and not far-fetched." 

Scandal is the least excusable of all conversation- 
al vulgarities. 

In conversation study to be quiet and composed. 
Do not talk too much, and do not inflict upon your 



*0 CONVERSATION. 

hearers interminably long stories, in which, at the 
best they can have frit & little interest. 

OORRECT PRONUNCIATION. 

Take pains to pronounce your words correctly. 
Some people have a strangely vulgar way of saying 
hos-pi^-dble for Tios-pit-able; inter-^-ing for w-ter- 
esting. 

AVOID REPEATING. 

Some persons have an awkward habit of repeat- 
ing the most striking parts of a story, especially the 
main point, if it has taken greatly the first time. 
This is in very bad taste, and always excites disgust. 
In most cases, the story pleased the first time, only 
because it was unexpected. 

CULTIVATING THE MIND. 

Your conversation can never be worth listening to 
unless you cultivate your mind. To talk well you 
must read much. A little knowledge on many sub- 
jects is soon acquired by diligent reading. One does 
not wish to hear a lady talk politics nor a smatter- 
ing of science; but she should be able to understand 
and listen with interest when politics are discussed, 
and to appreciate, in some degree, tbe conversation 
of scientific men, 



CONVERSATION. 71 

Music. 

A well-bred lady of the present day is expected to 
know something of music besides merely playing a 
difficult piece. She should be able to discuss the 
merits of different styles of music, modestly and in- 
telligently; a little reading on the subject, and some 
attention to the intellectual character of music, will 
enable her to do so; and as music is becoming quite 
a national passion, she will find the subject brought 
forward very frequently by gentlemen. 

"A Low VOICE." 

I think one can always tell a lady by her voice 
and laugh neither of which will ever be loud or 
coarse, but soft, low, and nicely modulated. Shake- 
speare's unfailing taste tells us that 

*'A low voice is an excellent thing in woman." 

And we believe that the habit of never raising the 
voice would tend much to the comfort and happi- 
ness of many a home: as a proof of good breeding, 
it is unfailing. 

TALK WELL ABOUT TRIFLES. 

You should endeavor to have the habit of talking 
well about trifles. Be careful never to make person- 
al remarks to a stranger on any of the guests pres- 
ent: it is possible, nay probable, that they may be 
relatives, or at least friends. 



7^ CON VERSA TION 

DOUBLE ENTENDRES. 

I need not say that no person of decency, still less 
delicacy, will be guilty of a double entendre. Still, as 
there are persons in the world possessing neither of 
these characteristics who will be guilty of them in 
the presence of people more respectable than them- 
selves, and as the young and inexperienced are some- 
times in doubt how to receive them, it is well to 
make some reference to them in a book of this char^ 
acter. A well-bred person always refuses to under- 
stand a phrase of doubtful meaning. If the phrase 
may be interpreted decently, and with such inter- 
pretation would provoke a smile, then smile to just 
the degree called for by such interpretation, and no 
more. The prudery which sits in solemn and severe 
rebuke at a double entendre is only second in indeli- 
cacy to the indecency which grows hilarious over it, 
since both must recognize the evil intent. It is suffi- 
cient to let it pass unrecognized. 

INDELICATE WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS. 

Not so when one hears an indelicate word or ex- 
pression, which allows of no possible harmless inter- 
pretation. Then not the shadow of a smile should 
flit across the lips. Either complete silence should 
be preserved in return or the words, "I do not under- 
stand you," be spoken. A lady will alwaj^s fail to 
hear that which she should not hear, or, having un- 
mistakably heard, she will not understand. 



CONVERSATION. 73 

A lady was once in the streets of the city alone 
after dark, and a man accosted her. She replied to 
him in French. He followed her some distance try- 
ing to open a conversation with her; but as she per^ 
sisted in replying only in French, he at last turned 
away, completely baffled in his efforts to understand 
or be understood. 

PKOFANITY. 

A gentleman should never permit any phrase that 
approaches to an oath, to escape his lips in the pres- 
ence of a lady. If any man employs a profane ex- 
pression in the drawing-room, his pretensions to 
good-breeding are gone forever. The same reason 
extends to the society of men advanced in life; and 
he would be singularly defective in good taste, who 
should swear before old persons, however irreligious 
their own habits might be. The cause of profanity 
being offensive in these cases is that it denotes an 
entire absence of reverence and respect from the 
spirit of him who uses it. 

LISTENING. 

*'A dearth of words," says Young, 

"A woman need not fear, 
But 'tis a task, indeed to learn to Jwar, 
In that, the skill of conversation lies; 
That shows or makes you both polite and wise." 

Listening is not only a point of good-breeding and 
the best kind of flattery, but it is a method of ac 



74 CONVERSATION. 

quiring information which no man of judgment will 
neglect. "This is a common vice in conversation," 
says Montaigue, "that instead of gathering observa- 
tions from others, we make it our whole business to 
lay ourselves open to them, and are more concerned 
how to expose and set out our own commodities, than 
how to increase our stock by acquiring new. Silence 
therefore, and modesty, are very advantageous qual- 
ities in conversation." 

GIVE CREDIT FOR WHAT You LEARN. 

But if a person gets knowledge in this way from 
another, he should always give him due credit for 
it : and not endeavor to sustain himself in society 
upon the claims that really belong to another. "It 
is a special trick of low cunning," says Walpole, 
with a very natural indignation, "to squeeze out 
knowledge from a modest man, who is eminent in 
any science; and then to use it as legally acquired, 
and pass the source in total silence." 

THE BEST KIND OF CONVERSATION. 

That conversation is the best which furnishes the 
most entertainment to the person conferred with, and 
calls upon him for the least exercise of mind. It is 
for this reason that argument and difference are stu- 
diously avoided by well-bred people; they tax and 
tire. It should be the aim of every one to utter his 



CONVERSATION. 75 

remarks in such a form that the expression of assent 
or opposition need not follow from him he speaks 
with. 

INTERJECTIONS. 

The interjection of such phrases as, "You know," 
"You see," "Don't you see?" "Do you understand?" 
and similar ones that stimulate the attention, and 
demand an answer, ought to be avoided. Make your 
observations in. a calm and sedate way, which your 
companion may attend to or not, as he pleases, and 
let them go for what they are worth. 

AVOID WOUNDING THE FEEDINGS OF ANOTHER. 

To avoid wounding the feelings of another, is the 
key to almost every problem of manners that can be 
proposed; and he who will always regulate his say- 
ings and doings by that principle, may chance to 
break some conventional rule, but will rarely vio- 
late any of the essentials of good-breeding. Judg- 
ment and attention are as necessary to fulfil this pre- 
cept, as the disposition; for, by inadvertence or folly 
as much pain may be given as by designed malevo- 
lence. 

AFFECTATIONS. 

One of the first virtues of conversation is to be 
perspicuous and intelligible. Those quaint and af- 



76 CONVERSATION. 

fected constructions, and high-flown, bookish phra- 
ses, in which gome indulge, to the embarrassment of 
those they talk to, are in bad taste and should be 
a\oided. There have indeed at times appeared writ- 
ers and schools of rhetoric who cultivated obscurity 
as a merit. 

USE PLAIN WORDS. 

A man of good sense will always make a point of 
using the plainest and simplest words that will con- 
vey his meaning; and will bear in mind that his 
principal or only business is to lodge his idea in the 
mind of his hearer. The same remark applies to 
distinctness of articulation; and Hannah More has 
justly observed that to speak so that people can hear 
you is one of the minor virtues. 

AVOID WIT WHICH WOUNDS. 

Those who have generosity enough to care for the 
feelings of others, or self-regard enough to covet 
good- will, will be careful to avoid every display of 
wit which wounds another. It is a happy circum- 
stance for the honor of our nature, and one very 
characteristical of the kindness of Providence, that 
a display of the easiest moral virtues will generally 
bring us more popularity than the exhibition of the 
greatest talente without them. 



CONVERSATION. 77 

Part? may be praised, good nature is ador'd; 
Then draw your wit as seldom as your sword, 
And never on the weak. 

Those who scatter brilliant jibes without caring 
whom they wound, are as unwise as they are un- 
kind. Those sharp little sarcasms that bear a sting 
in their words, rankle long, sometimes forever, in the 
mind, and fester often into a fatal hatred never to 
be abated. 

PROPER RESERVE. 

Every one should avoid displaying his mind and 
principles and character entirely, but should let his 
remarks only open glimpses to his understanding. 
For women this precept is still more important. 
They are like moss-roses, and are most beautiful in 
spirit and in intellect, when they are but half-un- 
folded. 

PROFESSIONAL PECULIARITIES. 

When a man goes into company, he should leave 
behind him all peculiarities of mind and manners. 
That, indeed, constitued Dr. Johnson's notion of a 
gentleman; and as far as negatives go, the notion was 
correct. It is in bad taste, particularly, to employ 
technical or professional terms in general conversa- 
tion. Young physicians and lawyers often commit 
that error. 

The most eminent members of those occupations 



78 CONVERSATION. 

are the most free from it; for the reason, that the 
most eminent have the most sense. 

MODESTY. 

Young men often, through real modesty, put forth 
their remarks in the form of personal opinions; as, 
with the introduction of, " I think so-and-so," or, 
"Now, I, for my part, have found it otherwise." This 
is generally prompted by humility; and yet it has 
an air of arrogance. The persons who employ such 
phrases, mean to shrink from affirming a fact into ex- 
pressing a notion, but are taken to be designing to 
extend an opinion into an affirmance of a fact. 

CONVERSING WITH LADIES. 

If you are a gentleman, never lower the intellect- 
ual standard of your conversation in addressing 
ladies. Pay them the compliment of seeming to 
consider them capable of an equal understanding 
with gentlemen. You will, no doubt, be somewhat 
surprised to find in how many cases the supposition 
will be grounded on fact, and in the few instances 
where it is not the ladies will be pleased rather than 
offended at the delicate compliment you pay them. 
When you "come down" to commonplace or small- 
talk with an intelligent lady, one of two things is 
the consequence, she either recognizes the conde- 
scension and despise? you, or else she accepts it as 



CONVERSATION. 19 

the highest intellectual effort of which you are capa- 
ble, and rates you accordingly. 

CONCLUSION. 

The foregoing rules are not simply intended as 
good advice. They are strict laws of etiquette, to 
violate any one of which justly subjects a person to 
the imputation of being ill-bred. But they should 
not be studied as mere arbitrary rules. The heart 
should be cultivated in the right manner until the 
acts of the individual spontaneously flow in the 
right channels. 

A recent writer remarks on this subject: "Con- 
versation is a reflex of character. The pretentious, 
the illiterate, the impatient, the curious, will as inev- 
itably betray their idiosyncrasies as the modest, the 
even-tempered and the generous. Strive as we may, 
we cannot always be acting. Let us therefore, cul- 
tivate a tone of mind and a habit of life the betray- 
al of which need not put us to shame in the com- 
pany of the pure and wise; and the rest will be easy. 
If we make ourselves worthy of refined and intelli- 
gent society, we shall not be rejected from it; and in 
such society we shall acquire by example all that we 
have failed to learn from precept." 





VISITS AND VISITING. 
CHAPTER 7. 

JF visits there are various kinds, 
visits of congratulation, visits 
of condolence, visits of cere- 
mony, visits of friendship. 

Such visits are necessary, in 
order to maintain good feeling 
between the members of soci- 
ety; they are required by the 
custom of the age in which we 
live and must be carefully attended to. 

VISITS OP CONGRATULATIONS. 

Upon the appointment of one of your friends to any 
office or dignity, you call upon him to congratulate, 
not him, but the country, community or state, on 
account of the honor and advantage which it derives 
from the appointment. 

If one of your friends has delivered a public ora- 
tion, call upon him when he has returned home, and 
tender to him your thanks for the great pleasure and 
satisfaction for which you are indebted to him, and 
express your high estimation of the luminous, ele- 

80 



VISITS. 81 

gant, &c. discourse, trusting that he will be prevail* 
ed upon to suffer it published. 

VISITS OP CEREMONY OR CALLS. 

Visits of ceremony, merging occasionally into 
those of friendship, but uniformly required after 
dining at a friends's house. Professional men are 
not however, in general, expected to pay such visits, 
because their time is preoccupied; but they form al- 
most the only exception. 

TIME TO MAKE CEREMONIOUS VISITS. 

Visits of ceremony must be necessarily short. 
They should on no account be made before the hour, 
nor yet during the time of luncheon. Persons who 
intrude themselves at unwonted hours are never 
welcome; the lady of the house does not like to be 
disturbed when she is perhaps dining with her chil- 
dren; and the servants justly complain of being in- 
terrupted at the hour when they assemble for their 
noon-day meal. Ascertain, therefore, which you can 
readily do, what is the family hour for luncheon, 
and act accordingly. 

KEEP AN ACCOUNT OF CEREMONIAL VISITS: 

Keep a strict account of your ceremonial visits. 
This is needful, because time passes rapidly; and take 
note how soon your calls are returned. You will 
thus be able, in most cases, to form an opinion wheth- 
er or not your frequent visits are desired. Instances 



82 VISITS. 

may however occur, when, in consequence of age 01 
ill health, it is desirable that you should call, with- 
out any reference to your visits being return- 
ed. When desirous to act thus, remember that 
if possible, nothing should interrupt the discharge 
of this duty. 

VISITS OP CEREMONY AMONG FRIENDS. 

Among relations and intimate friends, visits of 
mere ceremony are unnecessary. It is however, need- 
ful to call at suitable times, and to avoid staying too 
long if your friend is engaged. The courtesies of 
society, as already noticed, must ever be maintained 
even in the domestic circle, or among the nearest 
friends. 

CALLING AT AN INCONVENIENT HOUR. 

Should you call by chance at an inconvenient 
hour, when perhaps the lady is going out, or sitting 
down to luncheon, retire as soon as possible, even if 
politely asked to remain. You need not let it aD- 
pear that you feel yourself an intruder; every well- 
bred or even good-tempered person knows what to 
say on such an occasion; but politely withdraw with 
a promise to call again, if the lady seems to be really 
disappointed. 

VISITING AT HOTELS. 
If you call to see a friend who is staying at lodg- 



VISITS. 83 

ings, however intimate you may be with him, wait 
below until a servant has carried up your name and 
returned to tell you whether you can be admitted. 
If you cannot find any one to announce you, you 
should knock gently at the chamber-door, and wait 
a little while before entering. If you are in too great 
a hurry, you might find the person drawing off a 
night-cap. These decent formalities are necessary 
even in the most unreserved friendships; they pre- 
serve the "familiar" from degenerating into the "vul- 
gar." Disgust will very speedily arise between per- 
sons who bolt into one another's chambers, throw 
open the windows and seat themselves without being 
desired to do so. Such intimacies are like the junc- 
tion of two electrical balls, only the prelude of a 
violent separation. 

VISITING THE SICK. 

In calling to see a person confined by illness to 
his room, it is not enough that you send up your 
name; you must wait till the servant returns. 

STYLE OF CONVERSATION. 

The style of your conversation should always be 
in keeping with the character of your visit. You 
must not talk about literature in a visit of condolence 
nor lecture on political economy in a visit of cere- 
mony. 



84 VISITS. 

VISITS OF CONDOLENCE. 

Visits of condolence should be paid within a week 
after the event which occasions them; but if the ac- 
quaintance be slight, immediately after the family 
appear at public worship. A card should be sent 
up; and if your friends are able to receive you, let 
your manners and conversation be in harmony with 
the character of your visit. It is courteous to send 
up a mourning card; and for ladies to make their 
calls in black silk or plain-colored apparel. It de- 
notes that they sympathize with the afflictions of the 
family; and such attentions are always pleasing. 

BEFORE GOING ABROAD. 

When you are going abroad, intending to be ab- 
sent for some time, you enclose your card in an en- 
velope, having, first, written p. p. c. upon it; they 
are the initials of the French phrase, "pour prendre 
conge" to take leave, and may with equal propriety 
stand for presents parting compliments. 

TAKING LEAVE OF A FAMILY. 

In taking leave of a family, you send as many 
cards as you would if you were paying an ordinary 
visit. When you return from your voyage, all the 
persons to whom, before going, you have sent cards, 
will pay you the first visit. 



VISITS. 85 

MEETING OTHER VISITORS. 

If a gentleman call at a house when a woman is 
visiting there at the same time, and there is no male 
relation of the mistress of the house present, he 
should rise, when she takes leave, and accompany 
her to her carriage, opening the doors for her. If 
his visit has been of tolerable length, it were less 
awkward, if he were to take leave at the same time; 
if not, return to the parlor. 

GENTLEMEN'S MORNING CALL. 

Gentlemen will do well to bear in mind that, when 
they pay morning calls, they must carry their hats 
with them into the drawing-room; but on no account 
put them on the chairs or table. There is a grace- 
ful manner of holding a hat, which every well-bred 
man understands. 

RETURNING FROM THE COUNTRY. 

In the beginning of the season, afterpersons have 
returned from the country, and at the close of it 
when you are about to leave town, you should call 
upon all your acquaintance. It is polite and pleas- 
ant to do the same thing on New Year's day, to wish 
your friends the compliments of that season. 

CARDS FOR CEREMONIOUS VISITS. 
It is becoming more usual for visits of ceremony 



86 VISITS. 

to be performed by cards; it will be a happy daj 
when that is universal. 

CALLING ON STRANGERS. 

If a stranger belonging to your own class of socie- 
ty comes to town, you should call upon him. That 
civility should be paid even if there be no previous 
acquaintance; and it does not require the ceremony 
of an introduction. In going to another city, you 
should in general wait to be visited; but the etiquette 
is different in many cities of our country. 

ENGAGED OR NOT AT HOME. 

When you call to see a person, and are informed 
at the door, that the party whom you ask for, is en- 
gaged, you should never persist in your attempt ta 
be admitted, but should acquiesce at once in their 
arrangements which the others have made for then 
convenience, to protect themselves from interrup- 
tion. However intimate you may be in any house, 
you have no right nor reason, when an order has 
been given to exclude general visitors, and no excep- 
tion has been made of you, to violate that exclusion 
and declare that the party shall be at home to you. 
I have known several persons who have had the hab- 
it of forcing an entrance into a house, after having 
been thus forbidden; but whatever has been the de- 
gree of intimacy, I never knew it done without giv- 
ing an offence bordering on disgust. There are many 
times and seasons at which a person chooses to be 



VISITS. 87 

wme, and when there is no friendship for 
which he vrould give up his occupation or his soli- 
tude. 

EVENING VISITS. 

Evening visits are paid only to those with whom 
we are well acquainted. They should not be very 
frequent even where one is intimate, nor should they 
be much protracted. Frequent visits will gain for a 
man, in any house, the reputation of tiresome, and 
long visits will invariably bring down the appella- 
tion of bore. Morning visits are always extremely 
brief, being matters of mere ceremony. 

FRIENDLY CALLS. 

It is not necessary to mention friendly calls, ex- 
cept to state, that almost all ceremony should be dis- 
pensed with, They are made at all hours without 
much preparation or dressing; a too brilliant attire 
would be out of place, and if the engagement of the 
day carry you in such a costume to the house of a 
friend, you ought obligingly to make an explana- 
tion. 

KEEP ACCOUNT OF VISITS. 

With a friend or relation whom we treat as such, 
we do not keep an account of our visits. The one 
who has the most leisure calls on the one 
who has the least; but this privilege ought not to be 
abused; it is necessary to make our visits of friend- 



88 VISITS. 

ship at suitable times. On the contrary, a visit of 
ceremony should never be made without keeping an 
account of it, and we should even remember the in- 
tervals at which they are returned, for it is indispen- 
sably necessary to let a similar interval elapse. Peo- 
ple in this way give you notice whether they wish 
to see you often or seldom. There are some persons 
whom one goes to see once in a fortnight; others, 
once a month; and others, less frequently. 

OMITING VISITS. 

In order not to omit visits, which are to be made, 
or to avoid making them form misinformation, when 
a preceding one has not been returned, persons who 
have an extensive acquaintance will do well to keep 
a little memorandum-book for this purpose. 

CEREMONIOUS VISITS. 

We cannot make ceremonious visits in a becom- 
ing manner, if we have any slight indisposition 
which may for the time affect our appearance or 
voice, which may embarrass our thoughts, and ren- 
der our company fatiguing. 

SUITABLE TIMES FOR VISITS. 

To take a suitable time for one's self, or for others, 
is indispensable in visiting, as in everything else; if 
you can obtain this by remembering the habits of 
the person you are going to see, by making arrange- 
ments so as not to call at the time of taking meals. 



VISITS. 89 

in moments of occupation, and when they are like- 
ly to be walking. This time necessarily varies; but 
as a general rule we must take care not to make cer- 
emonious visits, either before the middle of the day 
or after four o'clock. To do otherwise would, on the 
one hand, look like importunity, by presenting one's 
self too early, and on the other might interfere with 
arrangements that had been made for the even- 
ing. 

HOW TO TREAT VISITORS, 

A well-bred person aways receives visitors at what- 
ever time they may call, or whoever they may be; but 
if you are occupied and cannot afford to be interrupt- 
ed by a mere ceremony, you should instruct the ser- 
vant beforehand to say that you are " Engaged. > 
The form " not at home" sometimes employed by 
ladies cannot be too strongly condemned. However 
much one may try to justify it, the fact remains that 
it is a falsehood. Any lady lowers herself in her 
own and others estimation by resorting to prevarica- 
tion, however slight. If the servant once admits a 
visitor within the hall, you should receive him at any 
inconvenience to yourself. A lady should never keep 
a visitor waiting more than a minute, or two at the 
most, and if she cannot avoid doing so, must apologize 
on entering the drawing-room. 

TAKING A SEAT WHILE VISITING. 
In good society, a visitor, unless he is a complete 



9 <> VISITS. 

stranger, does not wait to be invited to sit down, but 
takes a seat at once easily. A gentleman should 
never take the principal place in the room, nor, on 
the other hand, sit at an inconvenient distance from 
the lady of the house. He must hold his hat grace- 
fully, not put it on a chair or table, or, if he wants 
to use both hands, must place it on the floor close to 
his chair. 

PAY EQUAL ATTENTION TO ALL. 

A well-bred lady, who is receiving two or three 
visitors at a time, pays equal attention to all, and 
attempts, as much as possible, to generalize the con- 
versation, turning to all in succession. The last 
arrival, however, receives a little more attention at 
first than the others, and the latter, to spare her em- 
barrasment, should leave as soon as convenient. 
People who out-sit two or three parties of visitors, 
unless they have some particular motive for doing 
so, come under the denomination of "bores." A 
"bore" is a person who does not know when you 
have had enough of his or her company. 

TAKING A FRIEND WITH YOU VISITING. 

Be cautious how you take an intimate friend un- 
invited even to the house of those with whom you 
may be equally intimate, as there is always a feeling 
ing of jealous}'' that another should share your 
thoughts and feelings to the same extent as them- 



VISITS. 91 

selves, although good breeding will induce them to 
behave civilly to your friend on your account. 

PRIVILAGES OF LADIES. 

Ladies in the present day are allowed considerable 
license in paying and receiving visits; subject, how- 
ever, to certain rules, which it is needful to define. 

VISITING ACQUAINTANCES ALONE. 

Young married ladies may visit their acquaintan- 
ces alone; but they may not appear in any public 
places unattended by their husbands or elder ladies. 
This rule must never be infringed, whether as re- 
gards exhibitions, or public libraries, museums, or 
promonades; but a young married lady is at liberty 
to walk with her friends of the same age, whether 
married or single. Gentlemen are permitted to call 
on married ladies at their own houses. Such calls 
the usages of society permit, but never without the 
knowledge and full permission of husbands. 

A LADY CALLING ON A GENTLEMAN. 

A lady never calls on a gentleman, unless profes- 
sionally or officially. It is not only ill-bred, but pos- 
itively improper to do so. At the same time, there 
is a certain privilege in age, which makes it possible 
for an old bachelor like myself to receive a visit from 
any married lady whom I know very intimately, 
but such a call would certainly not be one of cere- 
mony, and always presupposes a desire to consult me 



92 VISITS. 

on some point or other. I should be guilty of shame- 
ful treachery, however, if I told any one that I had 
received such a visit, while I should certainly expect 
that my fair caller would let her husband know of 
it. 

PREFERENCE OP SEATS. 

When morning visitors are announced, rise and 
advance toward them. If a lady enters request her 
to be seated on a sofa; but if advanced in life, or the 
visitor be an elderly gentleman, insist on their ac- 
cepting an easy chair, and place yourself, by them. 
If several ladies arrive at the same time, pay due re- 
spect to age and rank, and seat them in the most 
honorable places; these, in w:.nter, are beside the 
fire. 

RESPECT TOWARD THE FEEBLE XND AGED. 

Supposing that a young lady occupies such a seat, 
and a lady older than herself, or superior in condi- 
tion, enters the room, she must rise immediately, and 
having courteously offered her place to the new com- 
er, take another in a different part of the room. 

DISCONTINUING WORK. 

If a lady is engaged with her needle when a vis- 
itor arrives, she ought to discontinue her work, un- 
less requested to do otherwise; and not even then 
must it be resumed, unless on very intimate terms 
with her acquaintance. When this, however, is the 



VISITS, 93 

case, the hostess may herself request permission to 
do so. To continue working during a visit of cere- 
mony would be extremely discourteous; and we can- 
not avoid hinting to our lady readers, that even when 
a particular friend is present for only a short time, 
it is somewhat inconsistent with etiquette to keep 
their eyes fixed on a crochet or knitting-book, appar- 
ently engaged in counting stitches, or unfolding the 
intricacies of a pattern. We have seen this done, 
and are, therefore, careful to warn them on the sub- 
ject. There are many kinds of light and elegant, 
and even useful work, which do not require close at- 
tention, and may be profitably pursued; and such 
we recommend to be always on the work-table at 
those hours which, according to established practice, 
are given to social intercourse. 

VISITING CARDS. 

Visitors should furnish themselves with cards. 
Gentlemen ought simply to put their cards into their 
pocket, but ladies may carry them in a small ele- 
gant portfolio, called a card-case. This they can 
hold in their hand and it will contribute essentially 
(with an elegant handkerchief of embroidered cam- 
bric,) to give them an air of good taste. 

ADDRESS ON CARDS. 

On visiting cards, the address is usually placed 
under the name, towards the bottom of the card, 
and in smaller letters. Mourning cards are sur- 



94 VISITS. 

mounted with a broad black margin; half mourn- 
ing ones, with a black edge only. 

KEEPING CARDS. 

It is bad taste to keep the cards you have received 
around the frame of a looking-glass; such an ex- 
posure shows that you wish to make a display of the 
names of visitors. When from some cause or other 
which multiplies visitors at your house; (such as a 
funeral or a marriage,) you are obliged to return 
these numerous calls, it is not amiss to preserve the 
cards in a convenient place, and save yourself the 
trouble of writing a list; but if, during the year, 
your glass is always seen bristling with smoke-dried 
cards, it will be attributed, without doubt, to an ill- 
regulated self esteem. If the call is made in a car- 
riage, the servant will ask if the lady you wish to 
see is at home. If persons call on foot, they go 
themselves to ask the servants. 

LAYING ASIDE THE BONNET. 

The short time devoted to a ceremonious visit, the 
necessity of consulting a glass in replacing the head- 
dress, and of being assisted in putting on the shawl, 
prevent ladies from accepting the invitation to lay 
them aside. If they are slightly familiar with the 
person they are visiting and wish to be more at ease, 
they should ask permission, which should be grant- 
ed them, at the same time rising, to assist them 
in taking off their hat and shawl. An arm-chair, 



95 

or a piece of furniture at a distant part of the room, 
should receive these articles; they should not be 
placed upon the couch, without the mistress of the 
house puts them there. 

HABITUAL VISITS. 

At the house of a person whom we visit habitual- 
ly, we can lay them aside without saying a word, and 
a lady can even adjust her hair, &c. before the glass, 
provided she occupies only a few moments in doing 
it. If the person you call upon is preparing to go 
out, or to sit down at table, you should although 
asked to remain, to retire as soon as possible. The 
person visited so unseasonably, should on her part, 
be careful to conceal her knowledge, that the other 
wishes the visit ended quickly. 

We should always appear delighted to receive vis- 
itors; and should they make a short visit, you must 
express your regret. 

SHORT VISITS. 

Ceremonious visits should be short; if the conver- 
sation ceases without being again continued by the 
person you have come to see, and if she gets up from 
her seat under any pretext whatever, custom re- 
quires you to make your salutation and withdraw. 
If before this tacit invitation to retire, other visitors 
are announced, you should adroitly leave them with- 
out saying much. If, while you are present, a letter 
is brought to the person you are visiting, and she 



06 VISITS. 

should lay it down without opening it, you must en- 
treat her to read it; she will probably not do so, and 
this circumstance will warn you to shorten your 
visit. 

UNINTENTIONAL INTRUSIONS. 

In most families in this country, evening calls are 
the most usual. ShoXild you chance to visit a fami- 
ly, and find that they have a party, present yourself, 
and converse for a few minutes with an unembar- 
rassed air; after which you may retire, unless urged 
to remain. A slight invitation, given for the sake 
of courtesy, ought not to be accepted. Make no 
apology for your unintentional intrusion; but let it 
be known, in the course of a few days, that you were 
not aware that your friends had company. 

TRUE HOSPITALITY. 

In receiving guests, your first object should be 
to make them feel at home. Begging them to make 
themselves at home is not sufficient. You should 
display a genuine unaffected friendliness. Whether 
you are mistress of a mansion or a cottage, and in- 
vite a friend to share your hospitality, you must en- 
deavor, by every possible means, to render the visit 
agreeable. This should be done without apparent 
effort, that the visitor may feel herself to be a par- 
taker in your home enjoyments, instead of finding 
that you put yourself out of the way to procure ex- 
traneous pleasures. It is right and proper that you 



VISITS. 97 

seek to make the time pass lightly; but if, on the 
other hand, you let a visitor perceive that the whole 
tenor of your daily concerns is altered on her account 
a degree of depression will be felt, and the pleasant 
anticipations which she most probably entertained 
will fail to be realized. Let your friend be assured, 
from your manner, that her presence is a real enjoy- 
ment to you, an incentive to recreations which other- 
wise would not be thought of in the common rou- 
tine of life. Observe your own feelings when you 
happen to be the guest of a person who, though he 
may be very much your friend, and really glad to 
see you, seems not to know what to do either with 
you or himself; and again, when in the house of 
another you feel as much at ease as in your own. 
Mark the difference, more easily felt than described, 
between the manners of the two, and deduce there- 
from a lesson for your own improvement. 

TREATMENT OF GUESTS. 

If you have guests in your house, you are to ap- 
pear to feel that they are all equal for the time, for 
they all have an equal claim upon your courtesies. 
Those of the humblest condition will receive Jutt as 
much attention as the rest, in order that you shall not 
painfully make them feel their inferiority. 

Offer your guests the best that you have in the 
way of food and rooms, and express no regrets and 
make no excuses that you have nothing better to 
give them. 



98 VISITS. 

Try to make your guests feel at home; and do 
this, not by urging them in empty words to do so 
but by making their stay as pleasant as possible, at 
the same time being careful to put out of sight any 
trifling trouble or inconvenience they may cause 
you. 

Devote as much time as is consistent with other 
engagements to the amusement and entertainment 
of your guests. 

DUTIES OP THE VISITOR. 

On the other hand, the visitor should try to con^ 
form as much as possible to the habits of the house 
which temporarily shelters him. He should never 
object to the hours at which meals are served, nor 
should he ever allow the family to be kept waiting 
on his account. 

It is a good rule for a visitor to retire to his own 
apartment in the morning, or at least seek out some 
occupation of his own, without seeming to need the 
assistance or attention of host or hostess; for it is 
undeniable that these have certain duties which 
must be attended to at this portion of the day, in 
^rder to leave the balance of the time free for the 
entertainment of their guests. 

If any family matters of a private or unpleasant 
nature come to the knowledge of the guest during 
his stay, he must seem both blind and deaf, and 
never refer to them unless the parties interested 
speak of them first. Still more is he under moral 



VISITS. 99 

obligations never to repeat to others what he may 
have been forced to see and hear. 

The rule on which a host and hostess should act 
is to make their guests as much at ease as possible; 
that on which a visitor should act is to interfere as 
little as possible with the ordinary routine of the 
house. 

It is not required that a hostess should spend her 
whole time in the entertainment of her guests. The 
latter may prefer to be left to their own devices for 
a portion of the day. On the other hand it shows 
the worst of breeding for a visitor to seclude him- 
self from the family and seek his own amusements 
and occupations regardless of their desire to join in 
them or entertain him. Such a guest had better go 
to a hotel, where he can live as independently as he 
chooses. 

Give as little trouble as possible when a guest, but 
at the same time never think of apologizing for any 
little additional trouble which your visit may occa- 
sion. It would imply that you thought your friends 
incapable of entertaining you without some incon- 
venience to themselves. 

Keep your room as neat as possible, and leave no 
articles of dress or toilet around to give trouble to 
servants. 

A lady will not hesitate to make her own bed if 
few or no servants are kept; and in the latter case 
she will do whatever else she can to lighten the la- 
bors of her hostess as a return for the additional ex- 
ertion her visit occasions. 



100 VISITS. 

LEAVETAKING. 

Upon taking leave express the pleasure you have 
experienced in your visit. Upon returning home it 
is an act of courtesy to write and inform your friends 
of your safe arrival, at the same time repeating your 
thanks. 

A host and hostess should do all they can to make 
the visit of a friend agreeable; they should urge 
him to stay as long as is consistent with his own 
plans, and at the same time convenient to them- 
selves. But when the time for departure has been 
finally fixed upon, no obstacles should be placed in 
the way of leavetaking. Help him in every possi- 
ble way to depart, at the same time giving him a 
general invitation to renew the visit at some future 
period. 

"Welcome the coming, speed the parting, guest," 

expresses the true spirit of hospitality. 




DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 

CHAPTER 8. 

INNER has been pronounced by 
Dr. Johnson, to be, in civilized 
life, the most important hour of 
the twenty-four. The etiquette 
of the dinner-table has a promi- 
nence commensurate with the dig- 
nity of the ceremony. Like the 
historian of Peter Bell, we com- 
mence at the commencement, and 
thence proceed to the moment 
when you take leave officially, or 
vanish unseen. 

INVITATIONS. 

In order to dine, the first requisite is to be invited. 
The length of time which the invitation precedes 
the dinner is always proportioned to the grandeur 
of the occasion, and varies from two days to two 
weeks. 

REPLY TO INVITATION. 

You reply to a note of invitation immediately, 
and in the most direct and unequivocal terms. If 
you accept, you arrive at the house rigorously at the 

101 




102 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 

hour specified. It is equally inconvenient to be too 
late and to be too early. If you fall into the latter 
error, you find every thing in disorder ; the master 
of the house is in his dressing-room, changing his 
waistcoat; the lady is still in the pantry ; the fire not yet 
lighted in the parlor. If by accident or thoughtless- 
ness you arrive too soon, you may pretend that you 
called to inquire the exact hour at which they dine, 
having mislaid the note, and then retire to walk for 
an appetite. 

ARRIVING TOO LATE. 

If you are too late, the evil is still greater, and 
indeed almost without a remedy. Your delay spoils 
the dinner and destroys the appetite and temper of 
the guests ; and you yourself are so much embarrassed 
at the inconvenience you have occasioned, that you 
commit a thousand errors at table. If you do not 
reach the house until dinner is served, you had 
better retire to a restaurant, and thence send an 
apology, and not interrupt the harmony of the courses 
by awkward excuses and cold acceptances. 

MANNERS AT TABLE. 

Nothing indicates the good breeding of a gentle- 
man so much as his manners at table. There are a 
thousand little points to be observed, which, al- 
though not absolutely necessary, distinctly stamp the 
refined and well-bred man. A man may pass mus- 
ter by dressing well, and may sustain himself tolerably 



DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 103 

in conversation ; but if he be not perfectly "aufait " 
dinner will betray him. 

DRESS NEATLY FOR DINNER PARTY. 

Always go to a dinner as neatly dressed as possi- 
ble. The expensiveness of your apparel is not of 
much importance, but its freshness and cleanliness 
are indispensable. The hands and finger-nails re- 
quire especial attention. It is a great insult to every 
lady at the table for a man to sit down to dinner 
with his hands in a bad condition. 

How LONG TO REMAIN AFTER DINNER. 

Politeness demands that you remain at least an 
hour in the parlor, after dinner; and, if you can 
dispose of an entire evening, it would be well to 
devote it to the person who has entertained you. It 
is excessively rude to leave the house as soon as 
dinner is over. 

CONGENIAL COMPANY. 

The utmost care should be taken that all the com- 
pany will be congenial to one another, and with a 
similarity of tastes and acquirements, so that there 
shall be a common ground upon which they may 
meet. 

NUMBER OF GUESTS. 

The number of guests should not be too large. 
From six to ten form the best number, being neither 



104 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 

too large nor too small. By no means let the num- 
ber at table count thirteen, for certain people have a 
superstition about this number; and though it is a 
very foolish and absurd one, it is courteous to re- 
spect it. 

MANNER OF WRITING INVITATIONS. 

The invitations should be written on small note- 
paper, which may have the initial letter or mono' 
gram stamped upon it, but good taste forbids any- 
thing more. The envelope should match the sheet 
of paper 

The invitation should be issued in the name of 
the host and hostess. 

The form of invitation should be as follows: 

"Mr. and Mrs. Ford request the pleasure [or favor] 
of Mr. and Mrs. Harper's company at dinner on 
Thursday, the 13th of December, at 5 o'clock." 

An answer should be returned at once, so that if 
the invitation is declined the hostess may modify 
her arrangements accordingly. 

INVITATION ACCEPTED. 

An acceptance may be given in the following form : 
"Mr. and Mrs. Harper have much pleasure in 
accepting Mr. and Mrs. Ford's invitation for De- 
cember 13th." 

INVITATION DECLINED. 
The invitation is declined in the following manner 4 



DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 105 

"Mr. and Mrs. Harper regret that a previous en- 
gagement (or whatever the cause may be) will pre- 
vent them having the pleasure of accepting Mr. and 
Mrs. Ford's invitation for December 13th." 

Or, 

"Mr. and Mrs. Harper regret extremely that owing 
to [whatever the preventing cause may be,] they 
cannot have the pleasure of dining with Mr. and 
Mrs. Ford on Thursday, December 13th." 

Whatever the cause for declining may be, it should 
be stated briefly yet plainly, that there may be no 
occasion for misunderstanding or hard feelings. 

INVITATION TO TEA-PARTY. 

The invitation to a tea-party may be less formal. 
It may take the form of a friendly note, something 
in this manner: 

"DEAR Miss PATTERSON," 

"We have some friends coming to drink tea with 
us to-morrow: will you give us the pleasure of your 
company also? We hope you will not disappoint 
us." 

One should always say "drink tea," not "take tea," 
which is a vulgarism. 

RECEPTION OP GUESTS. 

When guests are announced, the lady of the house 
advances a few steps to meet them; gives them her 
hand and welcomes them cordially. 



106 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 

INTRODUCTION OF GUESTS. 

If there are strangers in the company, it is best to 
introduce them to all present, that they may feel no 
embarrassment. 

PROCEEDING TO DINNER. 

When they are all assembled, a domestic announ- 
ces that the dinner is served up; at this signal we 
rise immediately, and wait until the master 
of the house requests us to pass into the din- 
ing-room, whither he conducts us by goiag before. 
It is quite common for the lady of the house to 
act as guide to the guests, while the master offers his 
arm to the lady of most distinction. The guests al- 
so give their arms to the ladies, whom they conduct 
as far as the table, and to the places which they are 
to occupy. Having arrived at the table, each guest 
respectfully bows to the lady whom he conducts, and 
who in her turn bows also. 

ARRANGING GUESTS AT TABLE. 

It is one of the first and most difficult things, 
properly to arrange the quests, and to place them in 
such a manner, that the conversation may always be 
general during the entertainment; we should, as 
much as possible, avoid putting next one another, 
two persons of the same profession, as it would ne- 
cessarily result in an aside dialogue, which would 
injure the general conversation, and consequently 



DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 107 

the gaiety of the occasion. The two most distin- 
guished gentlemen ought to be placed next the 
mistress of the house; and the two most distinguish- 
ed ladies next the master of the house; the right 
hand is especially the place of honor. 

INTERMINGLING GUESTS. 

If the number of gentlemen is nearly equal to that 
of the ladies, wo should take care to intermingle them; 
we should separate husbands from their wives, and 
remove near relations as far from one another as 
possible; because being always together, they ought 
not to converse among themselves in a general 
party. 

At table, as well as at all other places, the lady al- 
ways takes precedence of the gentleman. 

ASKING THE WAITER FOR ANYTHING. 

If you ask the waiter for anything, you will be 
careful to speak to him gently in the tone of request, 
and not of command To speak to a waiter in a driv- 
ing manner will create, among well-bred people, the 
suspicion that you were sometime a servant yourself, 
and are putting on airs at the thought of your pro- 
motion. Lord Chesterfield says: "If I tell a foot- 
man to bring me a glass of wine, in a rough, insult- 
ing manner, I should expect that, in obeying me, he 
would contrive to spill some of it upon me, and I am 
sure I should deserve it." 



i08 DINNER-PARTIES A1T& BALLS. 

PRAISING EVERY DISH. 

It is not good taste to praise extravagantly every 
dish that is set before you; but if there are some 
things that are really very nice, it is well to speak in 
their praise. But, above all things, avoid seeming 
indifferent to the dinner that is provided for you, as 
that might be construed into a dissatisfaction with 
it. 

PICKING YOUR TEETH AT THE TABLE. 

Avoid picking your teeth, if possible, at the table, 
for however agreeable such a practice might be to 
yourself, it may be offensive to others. The habit 
which some have of holding one hand over the 
mouth, does not avoid the vulgarity of teeth-pick- 
ing at table. 

SELECTING A PARTICULAR DTSH. 

Unless you are requested to do so, never select any 
particular part of a dish; but if your host asks you 
what part you prefer, name some part, as in this case 
the incivility would consist in making your host 
choose as well as carve for you. 

DUTIES OF HOST AND HOSTESS. 

The lady and gentleman of the house, are of course 
helped last, and they are very particular to notice, 
every minute, whether the waiters are attentive to 
every guest. But they do not press people either to 



DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 109 

eat more than they appear to want, nor insist upon 
their partaking of any particular dish. It is allow- 
able for you to recommend, so far as to say that it is 
considered "excellent," but remember that tastes dif- 
fer, and dishes which suit you, may be unpleasant 
to others; and that, in consequence of your urgency 
some modest people might feel themselves compelled 
to partake of what is disagreeable to them. 

PARING FRUIT FOR A LADY. 

Never pare an apple or a pear for a lady unless 
she desire you, and then be careful to use your fork 
to hold it; you may sometimes offer to divide a very 
large pear with or for a person. 

DIPPING BREAD INTO PRESERVES. 

It is considered vulgar to dip a piece of bread into 
the preserves or gravy upon your plate and then bite 
it If you desire to eat them together, it is much 
better to break the bread in small pieces, and con- 
vey these to your mouth with your fork. 

SOUP. 

Soup is the first course. All should accept it even 
.11 they let it remain untouched, because it is better 
k> make a pretence of eating until the next course is 
served than to sit waiting or compel the servants to 
serve one before the rest. 

Soup should be eaten with the side of the spoon, 
Hot from the point, and there should be no noise of 



HO DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 

sipping while eating it. It should not be called fo* 
a second time, 

FISH. 

Fish follows soup, and must be eaten with a fork, 
unless fish-knives are provided. Put the sauce, when 
it is handed you, on the side of your plate. 

Fish may be declined, but must not be called for 
a second time. 

GENERAL RULES REGARDING DINNER. 

After soup and fish, come the side-dishes, which 
must be eaten with a fork only, though the knife 
may be used in cutting anything too hard for a 
fork. 

Never apologize to a waiter for requiring him to 
wait upon you; that is his business. Neither re- 
prove him for negligence or improper conduct, that 
is the business of the host. 

Never take up a piece of asparagus or the bones 
of fowl or bird with your fingers to suck them, pos 
sibly making the remark that "fingers were made 
before forks." These things should always be cut 
with a knife and eaten with a fork. If fingers were 
made before forks, so were wooden trenchers before 
the modern dinner service. Yet it would rathei 
startle these advocates of priority to be invited to 
a dinner-party where the dining-table was set with 
a wooden trencher in the centre, into which all the 
guests were expected to dip with their fingers. 



DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. HI 

Bread should be broken, not bitten. This is, of 
course, taken with the fingers. 

Be careful to remove the bones from fish before 
eating it. If a bone gets inadvertently into the 
mouth, the lips must be covered with the napkin in 
removing it. 

Cherry-stones should be removed from the mouth 
as unobtrusively as possible and deposited on the side 
of the plate, A good way is to watch how others are 
doing and follow their example. A better way still 
is for the hostess to have her cherries stoned before 
they are made into pies and puddings, and thus save 
ber guests this dilemma. 

If it is an informal dinner, and the guests pass the 
dishes to one another instead of waiting to be helped 
by a servant, you should always help yourself from 
the dish, if you desire to do so at all, before passing 
it on to the next. 

A guest should never find fault with the dinner 
or with any part of it. 

When you are helped, begin to eat without wait- 
ing for others to be served. 

A knife should never, on any account, be put into 
the mouth. Many even well-bred people in other 
particulars think this an unnecessary regulation; 
but when we consider that it is a rule of etiquette, 
and that its violation causes surprise and disgust to 
many people, it is wisest to observe it; 

As an illustration of this point, I will quote from 
a letter from the late Wm. M. Thackeray, addressed 



112 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 

to a gentleman in Philadelphia: "The European 
continent swarms with your people. They are not 
all as polished as Chesterfield. I wish some of them 
spoke French a little better. I saw five of them at 
supper at Basle the other night with their knives 
down their throats. It was awful! My daughter 
saw it, and I was obliged to say, 'My dear, your great- 
great grandmother, one of the finest ladies of the 
old school I ever saw, always applied cold steel to her 
wittles. It's no crime to eat with a knife/ which is 
all very well; but I wish five of 'em at a time 
wouldn't." 

WATCHING HOW OTHERS DO. 

to'peaking of watching how others are doing, and 
following their example, reminds us of an anecdote 
told us not long since by the lady who played the 
principal part in it. 

She was visiting at the house of a friend, and one 
day there was upon the dinner-table some sweet corn 
cooked on the ear. Not knowing exactly how to 
manage it so as not to give offense, she concluded to 
observe how the others did. Presently two of the 
members of the family took up their ears of corn in 
their fingers and ate the grain directly from the cob. 
So Miss Mary thought she might venture to eat hers 
in the same manner. Scarcely had she begun, how- 
ever, when her hostess turned to her little boy and 
said, "I am going to let you eat your corn just like 
a little pig to-day." 



DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 113 

"How is that, mamma?" questioned the boy. 

"Look at Miss Mary," was the reply. "I am 
going to let you eat it just as Miss Mary is eating 
hers." 

The mixed state of Miss Mary's feelings can be 
better imagined than described. 

Never use a napkin in the place of a handkerchief 
by wiping the forehead or blowing the nose with 
it. 

Do not scrape your plate or tilt it to get the last 
drop of anything it may contain, or wipe it out with 
a piece of bread. 

Pastry should be eaten with a fork. Everything 
that can be cut without a knife, should be cut with a 
fork alone. 

Eat slowly. 

Pudding may be eaten with a fork or spoon. Ice 
requires a spoon. 

Cheese must be eaten with a fork. 

Talk in a low tone to your next neighbor, but not 
in so low a tone but that your remarks may become 
general. Never speak with the mouth full. 

Never lay your hand or play with your fingers 
upon the table. Neither toy with your knife, fork 
or spoon, make pills of your bread nor draw imag- 
inary lines upon the table-cloth. 

Never bite fruit. An apple, pear or peach should 
be peeled with a silver knife, and all fruit should be 
broken or cut. 



114 DINNERPARTIES AND BALLS. 

URGING GUESTS TO EAT. 

A mistress of a house ought never to appear to 
pride herself regarding what is on her table, nor 
confuse herself with apologies for the bad cheer 
which she offers you; it is much better for her to ob- 
serve silence in this respect, and leave it to her 
guests to pronounce eulogiums on the dinner; nei- 
ther is it in good taste to urge guests to eat nor to 
load their plate against their inclination. 

WAITING ON OTHERS. 

If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or 
elderly person, politeness requires him to save them 
all trouble of pouring out for themselves to drink, 
of procuring anything to eat, and of obtaining what- 
ever they are in want of at the table and he should 
be eager to offer them what he thinks to be most to 
their taste. 

MONOPOLIZING CONVERSATION 

It would be impolite to monopolize a conversation 
which ought to be general. If the company is large 
we should converse with our neighbors, raising the 
voice only loud enough to make ourselves heard. 

SIGNAL FOR LEAVING THE TABLE. 

It is for the mistress of the house to give the sig- 
nal to leave the table; all the guests then rise, and, 
offering their arms to the ladies, wait upon them to 
the door. 



DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. ^5 

You should not leave the table before the end of 
the entertainment, unless from urgent necessity. 

We are glad to say that the English habit of gen- 
tlemen remaining at the table, after the ladies have 
retired, to indulge in wine, coarse conversation and 
obscene jokes, has never been received into popular 
favor in this country. The very words "after-dinner 
jokes" suggest something indecent. We take our 
manners from Paris instead of London, and ladies 
and gentlemen retire together from the dining-table 
instead of the one sex remaining to pander to their 
baser appetites, and the other departing with all their 
delicate sentiments in a state of outrage if they pause 
to think of the eause of their dismissal. 

After retiring to the drawing-room the guests 
should intermingle in a social manner, and the time 
until the hour of taking leave may be spent either 
in conversation or in various entertaining games. It 
is expected the guests will remain two or three hours 
after the dinner. 

DANCING. 

Lord Chesterfield, in his letters to his son, says : 
"Dancing is, in itself, a very trifling and silly thing: 
but it is one of those established follies to which 
people of sense are sometimes obliged to conform; 
and then they should be able to do it well. And 
though I would not have you a dancer, yet, when 
you do dance, I would have you dance well, as I 
would have you do everything you do well." In 



116 DINNER-PAMTIES AND BALLS. 

another letter, he writes: "Do you mind your danc- 
ing while your dancing master is with you ? As you 
will be often under the necessity of dancing a minuet, 
I would have you dance it very well. Remember 
that the graceful motion of the arms, the giving of 
your hand, and the putting off and putting on of 
your hat genteelly, are the material parts of a gentle- 
man's dancing. But the greatest advantage of danc- 
ing well is, that it necessarily teaches you to present 
yourself, to sit, stand, and walk genteelly; all of 
which are of real importance to a man of fashion." 

GIVING A BALL. 

If you cannot afford to give a ball in good style, 
you had better not attempt it at all. 

Having made up your mind to give a ball and to 
do justice to the occasion, and having settled upon 
the time, the next thing is to decide whom and how 
many to invite. In deciding upon the number a due 
regard must be paid to the size of the rooms; and 
after making allowance for a reasonable number who 
may not accept the invitation, there should be no 
more invited than can find comfortable accommoda- 
tions, both sitting and standing-room being taken 
into account, and at the same time have the floor 
properly free for dancing. The more guests you 
have the more brilliant, and the fewer you have the 
more enjoyable, will the occasion be. 

Any number over a hundred guests constitutes ^ 
/large ball:" under fifty it is merely a "dance." 



DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 117 

CHOICE OF GUESTS. 

As dancing is the amusement of the evening, due 
regard should be paid to the dancing qualifications 
of the proposed guests. 

ISSUING INVITATIONS. 

The invitations issued and accepted for an even- 
ing party will be written in the same style as those 
already desciibed for a dinner-party. They should 
be sent out at least from seven to ten days before the 
day fixed for the event, and should be replied to within 
a week of their receipt, accepting or declining with 
regrets. By attending to these courtesies, the guests 
will have time to consider their engagements and 
prepare their dresses, and the hostess will also know 
what will be the number of her party. 

PREJUDICES AGAINST DANCING. 

One should be scrupulous and not wound the prej- 
udices of a friend by sending her an invitation to a 
ball when it is well known she is conscientiously 
opposed to dancing. 

NOTES OP INTERROGATION. 

No one now sends a note of interrogation to a 
dance; cards are universally employed. The form 
of an invitation to a tea-party .differs from that to a 
dance, in respect that the one specifies that you are 
invited to tea, the other <jpes not, but merely requests 



118 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 

the pleasure of your company on such an evening, and 
perhaps names the hour. 

VARIETY OF TOILET. 

Vary your toilet as much as possible, for fear that 
idlers and malignant wits, who are always a ma- 
jority in the world, should amuse themselves by 
making your dress the description of your person. 

CHOICE OF ATTIRE. 

Certain fashionables seek to gain a kind of reputa- 
tion by the odd choice of their attire, and by their 
eagerness to seize upon the first caprices of the fash- 
ions. Propriety with difficulty tolerates these fancies 
of a spoiled child; but it applauds a woman of sense 
and taste, who is not in a hurry to follow the fash- 
ions, and asks how long they will last, before adopt- 
ing them ; finally, who selects and modifies them 
with success according to her size and figure. 

EVENING PARTY. 

If it is to be a simple evening party, in which we 
may wear a summer walking-dress, the mistress of 
the house gives verbal invitations, and does not 
omit to apprise her friends of this circumstance, or 
they might appear in unsuitable dresses. If, on the 
contrary the soiree is to be in reality a ball, the in- 
vitations are written, or what is better, printed and 
expressed in the third person. 



DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLk. 119 

THE CLOAK ROOM. 

A room appropriate for the purpose, and furnish- 
ed with cloak-pins to hang up the shawls and other 
dresses of the ladies, is almost indispensable. Do- 
mestics should be there also, to aid them in taking 
off and putting on their outside garments. 

WHEN TO ARRIVE. 

We are not obliged to go exactly at the appointed 
jour; it is even fashionable to go an hour later. 
Married ladies are accompanied by their husbands : 
unmarried ones, by their mother, or by an escort. 

REFUSING TO DANCE. 

A lady cannot refuse the invitation of a gentleman 
to dance, unless she has already accepted that of 
another, for she would be guilty of an incivility 
which might occasion trouble; she would, more- 
over, seem to show contempt for him whom she 
refused, and would expose herself to receive in secret 
an ill compliment from the mistress of the house. 

GIVING A REASON FOR NOT DANCING. 

When a young lady declines dancing with a gentle- 
man, it is her duty to give him a reason why, al- 
though some thoughtless ones do not. No matter 
how frivolous it may be, it is simply an act of cour- 
tesy to offer him an excuse; while, on the other 
hand, no gentleman ought so far to compromise big 



120 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 

self-respect as to take the slightest offense at seeing a 
lady by whom he has just been refused, dance im- 
mediately after with some one else. 

How TO ASK A LADY TO DANCE. 

In inviting a lady to dance with you, the words, 
" Will you honor me with your hand for a quadrille? * 
or, "Shall I have the honor of dancing this set with 
you?" are more used now than "Shall I have the 
pleasure?" or, "Will you give me the pleasure of 
dancing with you. 

LEAVING A BALL ROOM. 

Married or young ladies, cannot leave a ball- room, 
or any other party, alone. The former should be 
accompanied by one or two other married ladies, and 
the latter by their mother, or by a lady to represent 
her. 

TALKING TOO MUCH. 

Ladies should avoid talking too much ; it will oc- 
casion remarks. It has also a bad appearance to 
whisper continually in the ear of your partner. 

WALL FLOWERS. 

The master of the house should see that all the 
ladies dance; he should take notice, particularly of 
those who seem to serve as drapery to the walls of 
the ball-room, (or wall-flowers, as the familiar expres- 
sion is,) and should see that they are invited to dance. 



DINNEJR-PARTIES AND BALLS. 121 

But he must do this wholly unperceived, in order 
not to wound the self-esteem of the unfortunate la- 
dies. 

DUTIES OF GENTLEMEN. 

Gentlemen whom the master of the house requests 
to dance with these ladies, should be ready to accede 
to his wish, and even appear pleased at dancing with 
a person thus recommended to their notice. 

DUTIES OF LADIES. 

Ladies who dance much, should he very careful 
not to boast before those who dance but little or not 
at all, of the great number of dances for which they 
are engaged in advance. They should also, without 
being perceived, recommend to these less fortunate 
ladies, gentlemen of their acquaintance. 

WHILE DANCING. 

In giving the hand for ladies chain or any other 
figures, those dancing should wear a smile, and ac- 
company it with a polite inclination of the head, in 
the manner of a salutation. At the end of the dance, 
the gentleman reconducts the lady to her place, bows 
and thanks her for the honor which she has confer- 
red. She also bows in silence, smiling with a grar 
cious air. 

RESERVE AND POLITENESS. 
In these assemblies, we should conduct onrselyee 



122 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 

with reserve and politeness towards all present, al- 
though they may be unknown to us. 

WHEN NOT TO DANCE. 

Never hazard taking part in a quadrille, unless 
you know how to dance tolerably; for if you are a 
novice, or but little skilled, you would bring disor- 
der into the midst of pleasure. Being once engaged 
to take part in a dance, if the figures are not famil- 
iar, be careful not to advance first. You can in this 
way govern your steps by those who go before you. 
Beware, also, of taking your place in a set of dan- 
cers more skillful than yourself. When an unprac- 
ticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprize him 
of his error; but it would be very impolite to have 
the air of giving him a lesson. 

GRACE AND MODESTY. 

Dance with grace and modesty, neither affect to 
make a parade of your knowledge; refrain from 
great leaps and ridiculous jumps, which would at- 
tract the attention of all towards you. 

PRIVATE PARTY. 

In a private ball or party, it is proper for a lady 
to show still more reserve, and not manifest more 
preference for one gentleman than another; she shoulcj 
dance with all who ask properly. 



DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 123 

PUBLIC BALLS. 

In public balls, a gentleman offers his partner re- 
freshments, but which she very seldom accepts, un- 
less she is well acquainted with him. But in pri- 
vate parties, the persons who receive the company, 
send round cake and other refreshments, of which 
every one helps themselves. Near the end of the 
evening, in a well regulated ball, it is customary to 
have a supper; but in a soiree, without great prep- 
aration, we may dispense with a supper; refresh- 
ments are, however, necessary, and not to have them 
would be the greatest impoliteness. 

VISIT OP THANKS. 

We should retire incognito, in order not to disturb 
the master and mistress of the house; and we should 
make them, during the week, a visit of thanks, at 
which we may converse of the pleasure of the ball 
and the good selection of the company. 

DEPORTMENT IN PUBLIC PLACES. 

The proprieties in deportment, which concerts re- 
quire, are little different from those which are re- 
cognized in every other assembly, or in public exhi- 
bitions, for concerts partake of the one and the oth- 
er, according as they are public or private. In pri- 
fate concerts, the ladies occupy the front seats, and 
the gentlemen are generally in groups behind, or at 
the side of them. We should observe the most pro- 



124 DINNERPARTIES AND BALLS. 

found silence, jid refrain from beating time, hum- 
ming the airs, applauding, or making ridiculous 
gestures of admiration. It often happens that a 
dancing soiree succeeds a concert, and billets of in- 
vitation, distributed two or three days before hand 
should give notice of it to the persons invited. 

GENEKAL KULES FOR A BALL-ROOM. 

A. lady will not cross a ball-room unattended. 

A gentleman will not take a vacant seat next a 
lady who is a stranger to him. If she is an acquaint- 
ance, he may do so with her permission. 

White kid gloves should be worn at a ball, and 
only be taken off at supper-time. 

In dancing quadrilles do not make any attempt to 
take steps. A quiet walk is all that is required. 

When a gentleman escorts a lady home from a 
ball, she should not invite him to enter the house ; 
and even if she does so, he should by all means de- 
cline the invitation. He should call upon her during 
the next day or evening. 

As the guests enter the room, it is not necessary 
for the lady of the house to advance each time to- 
ward the door, but merely to rise from her seat to 
receive their courtesies and congratulations. If, in- 
deed, the hostess wishes to show particular favor to 
some peculiarly honored guests, she may introduce 
them to others, whose acquaintance she may imag- 
ine will be especially suitable and agreeable. 

When entering a private ball or party, the visitor 



DINNER-PARTIES AND BALL8. 125 

should invariably bow to the company. No well- 
bred person would omit this courtesy in entering a 
drawing-room; although the entrance to a large as 
sembly may be unnoticed. 

Any presentation to a lady in a public ball-room, 
for the mere purpose of dancing, does not entitle 
you to claim her acquaintance afterwards; there- 
fore, should you meet her, at most you may lift your 
hat; but even that is better avoided unless, indeed, 
she first bow as neither she nor her friends can 
know who or what you are. 

Never wait until the signal is given to take a part- 
ner, for nothing is more impolite than to invite a la- 
dy hastily, and when the dancers are already in 
their places; it can be allowed only when the set is 
incomplete. 

In private parties, a lady is not to refuse the invi- 
tation of a gentleman to dance, unless she be pre- 
viously engaged. The hostess must be supposed to 
have asked to her house only those persons whom 
she knows to be perfectly respectable and of unblem- 
ished character, as well as pretty equal in position; 
and thus, to decline the offer of any gentleman pres- 
ent, would be a tacit reflection on the gentleman or 
lady of the house. 

CONCLUSION. 

There is a custom which is sometimes practiced 
both in the assembly room and at private parties, 
which cannot be too strongly reprehended; we allude 



126 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 

to the habit of ridicule and ungenerous criticism of 
those who are ungraceful or otherwise obnoxious to 
censure, which is indulged in by the thoughtless, 
particularly among the dancers. Of its gross im- 
propriety and vulgarity we need hardly express an 
opinion; but there is such an utter disregard for the 
feelings of others implied in this kind of negative 
censorship, that we cannot forbear to warn our young 
readers to avoid it. The "Koran" says: "Do not 
mock the mocked may be better than the mocker." 
Those you condemn may not have had the same ad- 
vantages as yourself in acquiring grace or dignity, 
while they may be infinitely superior in purity of 
heart and mental accomplishments. The advice of 
Chesterfield to his son, in his commerce with society, 
to do as you would be done by, is founded on the 
Christian precept, and worthy of commendation. 
Imagine yourself the victim of another's ridicule, 
and you will cease to indulge in a pastime which on- 
ly gains for you the hatred of those you satirize, if 
they chance to observe you, and the contempt of 
others who have noticed your violation of politeness, 
and abuse of true sociality. 




STREET ETIQUETTE. 

CHAPTER 9. 

EETING a lady on the street, 
it is not customary in Eng- 
land for a gentleman to 
recognize or speak to her un- 
less she first smiles or bows. 
But on the continent of 
Europe the rule is reversed, 
and no lady, however inti- 
mate you may be with her, 
will acknowledge you in the 
street unless you first honor 
her with a bow of recogni- 
tion. The American fash- 
ion is not like either of them. For here the really 
well-bred man always politely and respectfully bows 
to every lady lie knows, and, if she is a well-bred 
woman, she acknowledges the respect paid her. If 
she expects no further acquaintance, her bow is a 
mere formal, but always respectful, recognition of the 
good manners which have been shown her, and no 
gentleman ever takes advantage of such politeness 
to push a further acquaintance uninvited. But 
why should a lady and gentleman, who know each 
other, scornfully and doggedly pass each other in 
the streets as though they were enemies? There 
is no good reason for such impoliteness, in the prac- 

127 




128 STREET JETIQ UETTE. 

tice of politeness. As compared with the English, 
the French or continental fashion is certainly more 
consonant with the rules of good breeding. But the 
American rule is better than either, for it is based 
upon the acknowledged general principle, that it is 
every gentleman's and lady's duty to be polite in all 
places. Unless parties have done something to for- 
feit the respect dictated by the common rules of po- 
liteness, there should be no deviation from this prac- 
tice. It is a ridiculous idea that we are to practice 
ill-manners in the name of etiquette. 



FRIENDS ON THE STREET. 

While walking the street no one should be so ab- 
sent-minded as to neglect to recognize his friends. If 
you do not stop, you should always bow, touch your 
hat, or bid your friend good day. If you stop, you 
can offer your hand without removing your glove. 
If you stop to talk, retire on one side of the walk. 
If your friend has a stranger with him and you have 
anything to say, you should apologize to the stran- 
ger. Never leave your friend abruptly to see anoth- 
er person without asking him to excuse your depart- 
ure. If you meet a gentleman of your acquaintance 
walking with a lady whom you do not know, lift 
your hat as you salute them. If you know the lady 
you should salute her first. 

Never fail to raise your hat politely to a lady ac- 
quaintance; nor to a male friend who may be walk- 
ing with a lady it is a courtesy to the lady. 




STREET ETIQUETTE. 



STREET ETIQUETTE. 129 

OMITTING TO RECOGNIZE ACQUAINTANCES. 

A gentleman should never omit a punctilious ob- 
servance of the rules of politeness to his recognized 
acquaintances, from an apprehension that he will 
not be met with reciprocal marks of respect. For 
instance, he should not refuse to raise his hat to an 
acquaintance who is accompanied by a lady, lest her 
escort should, from ignorance or stolidity, return his 
polite salutation with a nod of the head. It is bet- 
ter not to see him, than to set the example of a rude 
and indecorous salutation. In all such cases, and 
in all cases, he who is most courteous has the advan- 
tage, and should never feel that he has made a hu- 
miliating sacrifice of his personal dignity. It is for 
the party whose behavior has been boorish to have 
a consciousness of inferiority. 

SHAKING HANDS WITH A LADY. 

Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the 
street if you have on dark gloves, as you may soil 
her white ones. If you meet a lady friend with 
whom you wish to converse, you must not stop, but 
turn and walk along with her; and should she be 
walking with a gentleman, first assure yourself that 
you are not intruding before you attempt to join th 
two in their walk. 

YOUNG LADIES CONDUCT ON THE STREET. 

After twilight, a young lady would not be conduct- 
ing herself in a becoming manner, by walking alone; 



ISO STREET ETIQ, UETTE. 

and if she passes the evening with any one, she 
ought, beforehand, to provide some one to come for 
her at a stated hour ; but if this is not practicable, 
she should politely ask of the person whom she is vis- 
iting, to permit a servant to accompany her. But, 
however much this may be considered proper, and 
consequently an obligation, a married lady, well ed- 
ucated, will disregard it if circumstances prevent 
her being able, without trouble, to find a conduc- 
tor. 

ACCOMPANYING VISITORS. 

If the host wishes to accompany you himself, you 
must excuse yourself politely for giving him so much 
trouble but finish, however, by accepting. On arriv- 
ing at your house, you should offer him your thanks. 
In order to avoid these two inconveniences, it will 
be well to request your husband, or some one of your 
relatives, to come and wait upon you; you will, in 
this way, avoid all inconveniences, and be entirely 
free from that harsh criticism which is sometimes 
indulged in, especially in small towns, concerning 
even the most innocent acts. 

FULFILLING AN ENGAGEMENT. 

If, when on your way to fulfill an engagement, a 
friend stops you in the street, you may, without 
committing any breach of etiquette, tell him of your 
appointment, and release yourself from a long talk, 



STREET ETiq UETTE. 131 

but do so in a courteous manner, expressing regret 
for the necessity. 

CONDUCT WHILE SHOPPING. 

In inquiring for goods at a store, do not say, I 
want so and so, but say to the clerk show me such 
or such an article, if you please or use some other 
polite form of address. If you are obliged to exam- 
ine a number of articles before you are suited, apol- 
ogize to him for the trouble you give him. If, after 
all, you cannot suit yourself, renew your apologies 
when you go away, If you make only small pur- 
chases, say to him I am sorry for having troubled 
you for so trifling a thing. 

TAKING OFF YOUR GLOVE. 

You need not stop to pull off your glove to shake 
hands with a lady or gentleman. If it is warm 
weather it is more agreeable to both parties that the 
glove should be on especially if it is a lady with 
whom you shake hands, as the perspiration of your 
bare hand would be very likely to soil her glove. 

ASKING INFORMATION. 

If a lady addresses an inquiry to a gentleman on 
the street, he will lift his hat, or at least touch it re- 
spectfully, as he replies. If he cannot give the in* 
formation required, he will express his regrets. 



132 STREET JETIQ UETTE. 

CROSSING A MUDDY STREET. 
When tripping over the pavement, a lady should 
gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle. 
With her right hand she should hold together the 
folds of her gown and draw them toward the right 
side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both 
hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can be 
tolerated only for a moment when the mud is very 
deep. 

EXPENSIVE DRESSES IN THE STREET. 

Most American ladies in our cities wear too rich 
and expensive dresses in the street. Some, indeed, 
will sweep the side-walks with costly stuffs only fit 
for a drawing-room or a carriage. This is in bad 
taste ; and is what ill-natured people would term snob- 
bish. 

CARRIAGE OF A LADY IN PUBLIC. 

A lady walks quietly through the streets, seeing 
and hearing nothing that she ought not to see and 
hear, recognizing acquaintances with a courteous 
bow and friends with words of greeting. She is al- 
ways unobtrusive. She never talks loudly or laughs 
boisterously, or does anything to attract the atten- 
tion of the passers by. She simply goes about her 
business in her own quiet, lady-like way, and by her 
preoccupation is secure from all the annoyance to 
which a person of less perfect breeding might be 
subjected. 



STREET ETiq UETTE. 133 

FORMING ACQUAINTANCES IN PUBLIC. 

A lady, be she young or old, never forms an ac- 
quaintance upon the streets or seeks to attract the 
attention or admiration of persons of the other sex. 
To do so would render false her claims to ladyhood? 
if it did not make her liable to far graver charges. 

DEMANDING ATTENTIONS. 

A lady never demands attentions and favors from 
a gentleman, but always accepts them gratefully and 
graciously and with expressed thanks. 

MEETING A LADY ACQUAINTANCE. 
A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the 
street, should not presume to join her in her walk 
without ascertaining that his company would be en- 
tirely agreeable. It might be otherwise, and she 
should frankly say so. A married lady usually leans 
upon the arm of her husband; but single ladies do 
not, in the day, take the arm of a gentleman, unless 
they are willing to acknowledge an engagement. 
Gentlemen always give place to ladies, and gentle- 
men accompanying ladies, in crossing the street. 

STOPPING A LADY ON THE STREET. 

If you have anything to say to a lady whom you 
may happen to meet in the street, however intimate 
you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and 
walk in company; you can taks leave at the end of 
the street. 



134 STREET ETIQ UETTE. 

PASSING ACQUAINTANCES. 

When you are passing in the street, and see com- 
ing toward you a person of your acquaintance wheth- 
er a lady or an elderly person, you should offer them 
the wall, that is to say, the side next the houses. If 
a carriage should happen to stop in such a manner 
as to leave only a narrow passage between it and the 
houses, beware of elbowing and rudely crowding the 
passengers, with a view to get by more expeditioue- 
ly; wait your turn, and if any of the persons before 
mentioned come up, you should edge up to the wall 
in order to give them the place. They also, as they 
pass, should bow politely to you. 

CROWDING BEFORE ANOTHER. 

If stormy weather has made it necessary to lay a 
plank across the gutters, which has become suddenly 
filled with water, it is not proper to crowd before 
another, in order to pass over the frail bridge. 

GIVING THE ARM. 

In walking with a lady, it is customary to give 
her the right arm; but where circumstances render 
it more convenient to give her the left, it may prop- 
erly be done. If you are walking with a lady on a 
crowded street, like State or Madison, by all means 
give her the outside, as that will prevent her from 
being perpetually jostled and run against by the hur- 
rying crowd. 



STREET ETiq UETTE. 135 

WHEN TO OFFER YOUR ARM. 

You should offer your arm to a lady with whom 
you are walking whenever her safety, comfort, or 
convenience may seem to require such attention on 
your part. At night your arm should always be ten- 
dered, and also when ascending the steps of a pub- 
lic building. In walking with any person you 
should keep step with military precision, and with 
ladies and elderly people you should always accom- 
modate your speed to theirs. 

RETURNING A SALUTE. 

If a lady with whom you are walking receives the 
salute of a person who is a stranger to you, you 
should return it, not for yourself, but for her. 

PASSING BEFORE A LADY. 

When a lady whom you accompany wishes to en- 
ter a store, you should hold the door open and al- 
low her to enter first, if practicable; for you must 
never pass before a lady anywhere, if you can avoid 
it, or without an apology 

CORNER LOAFERS. 

No gentleman will stand in the doors of hotels, 
nor on the corners of the street, gazing impertinent 
ly at the ladies as they pass. That is such an un- 
mistakable sign of a loafer, that one can hardly im- 
agine a well-bred man doing such a thing. 



136 STREET ETIQ, UETTE. 

SHOUTING. 

Never speak to your acquaintances from one side 
of the street to the other. Shouting is a certain sign 
of vulgarity. First approach, and then make your 
communication to your acquaintance or friend in a 
moderately loud tone of voice. 

GENTLEMEN WALKING WITH A LADY. 
When two gentlemen are walking with a lady in 
the street, they should not be both upon the same 
side of her, but one of them should walk upon the 
outside and the other upon the inside. 

CROSSING THE STREET WITH A LADY. 

If you are walking with a woman who has your 
arm, and you cross the street, it is better not to dis- 
engage your arm, and go round upon the outside. 
Such effort evinces a palpable attention to form, and 
that is always to be avoided. 

GENERAL RULES. 

A lady should never take the arms of two men, 
one being upon either side; nor should a man carry 
a woman upon each arm. The latter of these in- 
iquities is practiced only in Ireland; the former 
perhaps in Kamtskatcha. There are, to be sure, 
some cases in which it is necessary for the protection 
of the women; that they should both take his arm, 
as in coming home from a concert, or in passing, on 
any occasion, through a crowd. 



STREET ETIQUETTE. 137 

PASSING THROUGH A CROWD. 

In walking in the street with a woman, if at any 
place, by reason of the crowd, or from other cause 
you are compelled to proceed singly, you should al- 
ways precede your companion. 

In passing a lady in the street, wno is accompan- 
ied by a gentleman on the outside, there is the same 
reason for your taking the inside that there would 
be for you to walk on that side if you were with 
them. You should take that side, then, unless you 
would pay the gentleman, if he were alone, the com- 
pliment of giving him the wall. 

SALUTING A LADY. 

When you salute a lady or a gentleman to whom 
you wish to show particular respect, in the street, you 
should take your hat entirely off and cause it to de- 
scribe a circle of at least ninety degrees from its or- 
iginal resting place. 

ASCENDING A MOUNTAIN. 

If you are walking with a woman in the country, 
ascending a mountain or strolling by the bank of 
a river, and your companion being fatigued, should 
choose to sit upon the ground, on no account allow 
yourself to do the same, but remain rigorously stand- 
ing. To do otherwise would be flagrantly indecorous 
and she would probably resent it as the greatest in- 
sult. 



138 STREET ETIQ UETTE. 

In mounting a pair of stairs in company with a 
woman, run up before her; in coming down, walk 
behind her. 

MEETING ON THE STREET. 

If, in walking, you meet a friend, accompanied 
by one whom you do not know, speak to both. Al- 
so, if you are walking with a friend who speaks to a 
friend whom you are not acquainted with, you should 
speak to the person ; and with as much respect and 
ease as if you knew the party. If you meet a man 
whom you have met frequently before, who knows 
your name, and whose name you know, it is polite 
to salute him. 

INTRUSIVE INQUIRIES ON MEETING. 

If you meet or join or are visited by a person who 
has a book or box, or any article whatever, under his 
arm or in his hand, and he does not offer to show it 
to you, you should not, even if he be your most in- 
timate friend, take it from him and look at it. There 
may be many reasons why he would not like you to 
see it, or be obliged to answer the inquiries or give 
the explanations connected with it. That intrusive 
curiosity is very inconsistent with the delicacy of a 
well-bred man, and always offends in some degree. 

SMOKING WHILE WALKING. 

In walking with a lady, never permit her to en- 
cumber herself with a book, parcel, or anything of 



STREET ETIQ, UETTE. 139 

that kind, but always offer to carry it. As to smok- 
ing, it certainly is not gentlemanly to smoke while 
walking with ladies ; but modern notions on the to- 
bacco question are growing very lax, and when by 
the seaside or in the country, or in any but fashion- 
able quarters, if your fair companion does not ob- 
ject to a cigar, never a pipe, you will not comprom- 
ise yourself very much by smoking one. 

TAKING OFF YOUR HAT. 

If there is any man whom you wish to conciliate, 
you should make a point of taking off your hat to 
him as often as you meet him. People are always 
gratified by respect, and they generally conceive a 
good opinion of the understanding of one who ap- 
preciates their excellence so much as to respect it. 
Such is the irresistible effect of an habitual display 
of this kind of manner, that perseverance in it will 
often conquer enmity and obliterate contempt. 





RIDING AND DRIVING. 

CHAPTER 10. 

|N these days of fast locomotion, 
etc., the very delightful rec- 
reation and exercise of riding 
on horseback is partaken of 
too little. This is to be 
regretted for nothing is bet- 
ter calculated to develop the 
physical health and animal 
spirits, nothing is more con- 
ducive to pleasure of a rational character than the ride 
on horseback upon every pleasant day. 

ETIQUETTE OP RIDING. 

The etiquette of riding is very exact and import- 
ant. Remember that your left when in the saddle 
is called the near side, and your right the off side, 
and that you always mount on the near side. In do- 
ing this put your left foot in the stirrup, your left 
hand on the saddle, then, as you take a spring, 
throw your right leg over the animal's back. Re- 
member, also, that the rule of the road, both in riding 
and driving, is, that you keep to the left, or near side 
in meeting ; and to the right, or off side in passing. 

140 



RIDING AND DRIVING. 141 

RIDING IN PUBLIC. 

Never appear in public on horseback unless you 
have mastered the inelegancies attending a first ap- 
pearance in the saddle. A novice makes an exhibi- 
tion of himself, and brings ridicule on his friends. 
Having got a "seat" by a little practice, bear in 
mind the advice conveyed in the old rhyme 

"Keep up your head and your heart," 

Your hands and your heels keep down, 
Press your knees close to your horse's sides, 
And your elbows close tojrour own." 

This may be called the whole art of riding, in one 
lesson. 

BIDING WITH LADIES. 

In riding with ladies, recollect that it is your duty 
to see them in their saddles before you mount. And 
the assistance they require must not be rendered by 
a groom; you must assist them yourself. 

ASSISTING A LADY TO MOUNT. 

The lady will place herself on the near side of the 
horse, her skirt gathered up in her left hand, her 
right hand on the pommel, keeping her face towards 
the horse's head. You stand at his shoulder, facing 
her, and stooping hold your hand so that she may 
place her left foot in it; then lift it as she springs, 
BO as to aid her, but not to give such an impetus 
that, like "vaulting ambition," she looses hei balance 



142 RIDING AND DRIVING. 

and "falls o' the other side." Next, put her foot in 
the stirrup, and smooth the skirt of her habit. Then 
you are at liberty to mount yourself. 

PACE IN RIDING. 

The lady must always decide upon the pace. It 
is ungenerous to urge her or incite her horse to a 
faster gait than she feels competent to undertake. 

Keep to the right of the lady or ladies riding with 
you. 

Open all gates and pay all tolls on the road. 

MEETING FRIENDS ON HORSEBACK. 

If you meet friends on horseback do not turn back 
with them; if you overtake them do not thrust your 
company on them unless you feel assured that it is 
agreeable to them for you to do so. 

MEETING A LADY. 

If, when riding out, you meet a lady with whom 
you are acquainted, you may bow and ride on; but 
you cannot with propriety carry on a conversation 
with her while you retain your seat on horseback. If 
very anxious to talk to her, it will be your duty to 
alight, and to lead your horse. 

ASSISTING A LADY TO ALIGHT FROM A HORSE 

After the ride the gentleman must assist his com- 
panion to alight. She must first freejier knee from 
the pommel and be certain that her habit is entirely 



RIDING AND DRIVING. 143 

disengaged. He must then take her left hand in his 
right and offer his left hand as a step for her foot. 
He must lower this hand gently and allow her to 
reach the ground quietly without springing. A lady 
should not attempt to spring from the saddle. 

ENTERING A CARRIAGE. 

If you enter a carriage with a lady, let her first 
take her place on the seat facing the horses ; then 
sit opposite, and on no account beside her, unless 
you are her husband or other near relative. Enter 
a carriage so that your back is towards the seat you 
are to occupy; you will thus avoid turning round 
in the carriage, which is awkward. Take care that 
you do not trample on the ladies' dresses, or shut 
them in as you close the door. 

ALIGHTING FROM A CARRIAGE. 

The rule in all cases is this: You quit the car- 
riage first and hand the lady out. 

It is quite an art to decend from a carriage prop- 
erly. More attention is paid to this matter in Eng- 
land than in America. We are told an anecdote by 
M. Mercy d'Argenteau illustrative of the importance 
of this. He says: "The princess of Hesse-Darm- 
stadt, having been desired by the empress of Austria 
to bring her three daughters to court in order that 
Her Imperial Majesty might choose one of them for 
a wife to one of her sons, drove up in her coach to 
the palace gate. Scarcely had they entered her pres- 



144 RIDING AND DRIVING 

ence when, before even speaking to them, the em- 
press went up to the second daughter, and taking 
her by the hand said, 
"'I choose this young lady/ 

"The mother, astonished at the suddenness of her 
choice, inquired what had actuated her. 

"'I watched the young ladies get out of their car- 
riage/ said the empress. 'Your eldest daughter 
stepped on her dress, and only saved herself from 
falling by an awkward scramble. The youngest 
jumped from the coach to the ground without touch- 
ing the steps. The second, just lifting her dress in 
front as she decended, so as to show the point of her 
shoe, calmly stepped from the carriage to the ground 
neither hurriedly nor stiffly, but with grace and dig- 
nity. She is fit to be an empress. The eldest sist- 
er is too awkward, the youngest too wild. 

If you are driving in company with another who 
holds the reins, you should most carefully abstain 
from even the slightest interference, by word or act, 
with the province of the driver. Any comment, ad- 
vice, or gesture of control, implies a reproof which 
is very offensive. If there be any point of immi- 
nent danger, where you think his conduct wrong, 
you may suggest a change, but it must be done with 
great delicacy and must be prefaced by an apology. 
During the ordinary course of the drive, you should 
resign yourself wholly to his control, and be entire- 
ly passive. 



RIDING AND DRIVING 145 

If you do not approve of his manner, or have not 
confidence in his skill, you need not drive with him 
again; but while you are with him, you should 
yield implicitly. 

ASSISTING A LADY INTO A CARRIAGE. 

A gentleman in assisting a lady into a carriage 
will take care that the skirt of her dress is not al 
lowed to hang outside. It is best to have a car- 
riage-robe to protect it entirely from the mud or 
dust of the road. He should provide her with her 
parasol, fan and shawl before he seats himself, and 
make certain that she is in every way comfortable. 

If a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before 
the gentleman accompanying her, he must alight to 
assist her out ; and if she wishes to resume her seat 
in the carriage, he must again alight to help her to 
do so. 





TRAVELERS AND TRAVELING. 

CHAPTER 11. 

EHAVIOR while traveling is a cer- 
tain indication of a person's breed- 
ing. Travelers seldom pay little 
attention either to the comforts or 
distresses of their fellow travelers ; 
and the commonest observances of 
politeness are often sadly neglected 
by them. In the scramble for 
tickets, for seats, for state-rooms, or for places at a 
public table, the courtesies of life seem to be trampled 
under foot. Even the ladies are sometimes rudely 
treated and shamefully neglected in the headlong 
rush for desirable seats in the railway cars. To see 
the behavior of American people on their travels, one 
would suppose that we were anything but a refined 
nation ; and I have often wondered whether a major- 
ity of our travelers could really make a decent appear- 
ance in social society. 

A LADY TRAVELING ALONE. 

A lady accustomed to traveling, if she pays 
proper attention to the rules of etiquette, may travel 

146 



TRA VELING. 147 

alone anywhere in the United States with perfect 
safety and propriety. 

But there are many ladies to whom all the ways 
of travel are unknown, and to such, an escort is very 
acceptable. When a gentleman has a lady put in 
his charge for a journey, he should he at the depot 
in ample time to procure her ticket and see that her 
baggage is properly checked. 

ON ARRIVAL OF THE TRAIN. 
On the arrival of the train, he should attend her 
to the car and secure the best possible seat for her. 
He should give her the choice of taking the outside 
or window seat, should stow away her packages in 
the proper receptacle, and then do all he can to make 
her journey a pleasant one. 

ARRIVING AT DESTINATION. 
Arrived at their destination, he should see her 
safely in a car or carriage, or at least conduct her to 
the ladies' room of the station, before he goes to see 
about the baggage. He should attend her to the 
door or deliver her into the charge of friends before 
he relaxes his care. He should call upon her the 
following day to see how she has withstood the fa- 
tigues of her journey. It is optional with her at 
this time whether she will receive him, and thus 
prolong the acquaintance, or not. However it is 
scarcely supposed that a lady of really good breed- 
ing would refuse further recognition to one from 



148 TRAVELING. 

whom she had accepted such services. If the gen- 
tleman is really unworthy of her regard, it would 
have been in better taste to have recognized the fact 
at first by declining his escort. 

RUSHING FOR TICKET OFFICE. 

When you are traveling, it is no excuse that be- 
cause others outrage decency and propriety you 
should follow their example, and fight them with 
their own weapons. A rush and scramble at the 
railway ticket office is always unnecessary. The 
cars will not leave until every passenger is aboard, 
and if you have ladies with you, you can easily se- 
cure your seats and afterward procure the tickets at 
leisure. But suppose you do lose a favorite seat by 
your moderation ! Is it not better to suffer a little 
inconvenience than to show yourself decidedly vul- 
gar ? Go to the cars half an hour before they start, 
and you will avoid all trouble of this kind. 

PERSONAL COMFORT. 

When seated, or about to seat yourself in the cars 
never allow considerations of personal comfort or 
convenience to cause you to disregard the rights of 
fellow-travelers, or forget the respectful courtesy due 
to woman. The pleasantest or most comfortable 
Beats belong to the ladies, and you should never re- 
fuse to resign such seats to them with a cheerful po- 
liteness. Sometimes a gentleman will go through a 
car and choose his seat, and afterward vacate it to 



TRA VELING. 149 

procure his ticket, leaving his overcoat or carpet bag 
to show that the seat is taken. Always respect this 
token, and never seize upon a seat thus secured, 
without leave, even though you may want it for a 
lady. 

A LADY TRAVELING. 

A lady, in traveling alone, may accept services 
from her fellow-travelers, which she should always 
acknowledge graciously. Indeed, it is the business 
of a gentleman to see that the wants of an unescort- 
ed lady are attended to. He should offer to raise or 
lower her window if she seems to have any difficul- 
ty in doing it for herself. He may offer his assist- 
ance in carrying her packages upon leaving the car, 
or in engaging a carriage or obtaining a trunk. 

Still, women should learn to be as self-reliant as pos- 
sible; and young women particularly should accept 
proffered assistance from strangers, in all but the 
slightest offices, very rarely. 

RUSHING FOR THE TABLE. 

In steamers do not make a rush for the supper 
table, or make a glutton of yourself when you get 
there. Never fail to offer your seat on deck to a la- 
dy, if the seats all appear to be occupied, and al- 
ways meet half way any fellow-passenger who wish- 
es to enter into conversation with you. Some trav- 
elers are so exclusive that they consider it a pre- 
sumption on the part of a stranger to address them; 



150 TRAVELING. 

but such people are generally foolish, and of no ac- 
count. 

SOCIAL INTERCOURSE WHILE TRAVELING. 

Sociable intercourse while traveling is one of its 
main attractions. Who would care about sitting and 
moping for a dozen of hours on board a steamer 
without exchanging a word with anybody? and this 
must be the fate of the exclusives when they travel 
alone. Even ladies who run greater risks in form- 
ing steamboat acquaintances than the men, are al- 
lowed the greatest privileges in that respect. It 
might not be exactly correct for a lady to make a 
speaking acquaintance of a gentleman; but she may 
address or question him for the time being without 
impropriety. 

OCCUPYING TOO MANY SEATS. 

No lady of genuine breeding will retain posses- 
sion of more than her rightful seat in a crowded 
car. When others are looking for accommodations, 
she should at once and with all cheerfulness so dis- 
pose of her baggage that the seat beside her will 
be at liberty for any one who desires it, no mat- 
ter how agreeable it might be to retain possession 
of it. 

There is no truer sign of want of proper manners 
than to see two ladies turn over the seat in front of 
them and fill it with their wraps and bundles, re- 
taining it in spite of the entreating or remonstrating 



TEA VELINO. 151 

looks of fellow-passengers. In snch a case as this 
any person who needs a seat is justified in reversing 
the back, removing the baggage and taking posses- 
sion of the unused place. 

RETAINING A SEAT. 

A gentleman in traveling may take possession of 
a seat and then go to purchase tickets or look after 
baggage, leaving the seat in charge of a companion 
or depositing traveling-bag or overcoat upon it to 
show that it is engaged. A gentleman cannot, how- 
ever, in justice, vacate his seat to take another in the 
smoking-car and at the same time reserve his rights 
to the first seat. He pays for but one seat, and by 
taking another he forfeits the first. 

It is not required of a gentleman in a railway car 
to relinquish his seat in favor of a lady, though a 
gentleman of genuine breeding will do so rather 
than allow the lady to stand or to suffer inconven- 
ience from poor accommodations. 

ETIQUETTE OF STREET CARS. 
In the street cars the case is different. No wom- 
an should be permitted to stand while there is a 
seat occupied by a man. The inconvenience to the 
man will be temporary and trifling at the most, and 
he can well afford to suffer it rather than do an un- 
courteous act. 

ETIQUETTE OF FERRY-BOATS. 
There is a place where the good manners of mea 



152 TRA VELING. 

seem sometimes to forsake them in the ladies' sa- 
loon of ferry-boats. The men reign paramount in 
their own saloon. No woman dares intrude there, 
still less deprive its rightful occupants of their seats. 
Yet many men, without even the excuse of being es- 
corts of women, prefering the purer natural and 
moral atmosphere of the ladies' saloon, take posses* 
sion and seat themselves, notwithstanding, women 
have to stand in consequence. This is not a matter 
of politeness alone; it is one of simple justice. The 
ladies' saloon is for the accommodation of ladies, 
and no gentleman has the right to occupy a seat so 
long as a lady is unprovided. 

CHECKING FAMILIARITY. 

It is impossible to dwell too strongly upon the 
importance of reserve and discretion on the part of 
ladies traveling alone. They may, as has been al- 
ready said, accept slight services courteously proffered 
by strangers, but any attempt at familiarity must be 
checked, and this with all the less hesitation that no 
gentleman will be guilty of such familiarity; and a 
lady wants only gentlemen for her acquaintances. 

Once, when traveling from Chicago to Toledo, 
there were upon the same train with ourselves a 
young lady and gentleman who were soon the ob- 
served of all observers. He was a commercial 
traveler of some sort, and she probably just from 
boarding-school. They were total strangers to each 
other as they both entered the car at Chicago. The 



TRA VELING. 153 

acquaintance begun soon after starting. By the time 
La Porte was reached he had taken his seat beside 
her. At Elkhart the personal history of each was 
known to the other. The gentleman here invited 
the lady to supper and paid her bill. Shortly after- 
ward photographs were exchanged, they had written 
confidentially in each other's note-books, and had 
promised to correspond. All this passed between 
them in tonea so loud and with actions so obtrusive 
that they attracted the notice of every one in the 
car, and many were the comments upon them. As 
daylight waned she sunk upon his shoulder to sleep 
while he threw his arm around her to support her. 
If they had announced their engagement and in- 
quired for a clergyman upon the train to marry 
them upon their arrival at Toledo, no one would 
have been really surprised. She was a foolish girl, 
yet old enough to have known better. He must 
have been a villain thus to take advantage of her 
silliness. 

Still, if the journey is long, and especially if it be 
by steamboat, a certain sociability is in order, and a 
married lady or lady of middle age should make 
good use of her privileges in this respect. 

DUTY OP LADIES TO OTHER LADIES IN TRAVELING. 

It is especially the duty of ladies to look after 
other ladies younger or less experienced than them- 
selves who may be traveling without escort, To 
watch these and see that they are not made the 



154 TRAVELING. 

dupes of villains, and to pass a pleasant word with 
others who may possibly feel the loneliness of their 
situation, should be the especial charge of every lady 
of experience. Such a one may often have the 
privilege of rendering another lady an important 
service in giving her information or advice, or even 
assistance. Every lady of experience and self-pos- 
session should feel her duties to be only less than 
those of a gentleman in showing favors to the more 
helpless and less experienced of her own sex. 

The friendship which has subsisted between trav- 
elers terminates with the journey. When you get 
out, a word, a bow, and the acquaintance formed 
is finished and forgotten. 

CONSULTING THE COMFORT OF OTHERS. 

In the cars you have no right to keep a window 
open for your accommodation, if the current of air 
thus produced annoys or endangers the health of 
another. There are a sufficient number of discom- 
forts in traveling, at best, and it should be the aim 
of each passenger to lessen them as much as possi- 
ble, and to cheerfully bear his own part. Life is a 
journey, and we are all fellow-travelers. 

ATTENDING TO THE WANTS OF OTHERS. 

See everywhere and at all times that ladies and 
elderly people have their wants supplied before you 
think of your own. Nor is there need for unmanly 
haste and pushing in entering or leaving cars or 



TRA VELING. 155 

boats. There is always time enough allowed for 
each passenger to enter in a gentlemanly manner 
and with a due regard to the rights of others. 

If, in riding in the street cars or crossing a ferry, 
your friend insists upon paying for you, permit him 
to do so without serious remonstrance. You can 
return the favor at some other time. 

SELFISHNESS OF LADIES. 

Ladies in traveling should scrupulously avoid 
monopolizing, to the exclusion of others, whatever 
conveniences are provided for their use. Mr. Pull- 
man, the inventor of the palace car, was asked why 
there were not locks or bolts upon the ladies 7 dress- 
ing-rooms. He replied that "if these were furnish- 
ed, but two or three ladies in a sleeping car would 
be able to avail themselves of the conveniences, for 
these would lock themselves in and perform their 
toiletts at their leisure. 

This sounds like satire upon our American ladies, 
but we fear it is true. 




ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

CHAPTER 12. 

HE perfect lady and gentleman 
are always polite in public 
places, considerate of the com- 
fort and wishes of others, and 
unobtrusive in their behavior. 
Under the same circumstances 
sham gentility is boisterous, 
rude, vulgar and selfish. 

CHURCH ETIQUETTE. 
One should preserve the ut- 
most silence and decorum in 
church. 

There should be no haste in passing up or down the 
aisle. 

A gentleman should remove his hat as soon as he 
enters. 

A gentleman and lady should pass up the aisle 
together until the pew is reached, when the former 
should step before the latter, open the pew door, 
holding it open while she enters, then follow her 
and close the door after him. 

There should be no whispering, laughing or star- 
ing. 

156 




ETiq UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES. 157 

If a stranger is seen to enter the church and the 
sexton does not at once provide him with a seat, the 
pew door should be opened and the stranger silently 
invited to enter. 

It is courteous to see that strangers are provided 
with books; and if the service is strange to them, 
the places for the day's reading should be indi- 
cated. 

It is perfectly proper to offer to share the prayer 
or hymn book with a stranger if there is no sepa- 
rate book for his use. 

If books or fans are passed in church, let them be 
offered and accepted or refused with a silent gesture 
of acceptance or refusal. 

Upon entering a strange church it is best to wait 
until the sexton conducts you to a seat. By no 
means enter an occupied pew uninvited. 

In visiting a church of a different belief from 
your own, pay the utmost respect to the services and 
conform in all things to the observances of the 
church that is, kneel, sit and rise with the congre- 
gation. No matter how grotesquely some of the 
forms and observances may strike you, let no smile 
or contemptuous remark indicate the fact while in 
the church. 

If a Protestant gentleman accompanies a lady who 
is a Roman Catholic to her own church, it is an act 
of courtesy to offer the holy water. This he must 
do with his ungloved right hand. 

When the services are concluded, there should be 



158 JETIQ UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CES. 

no haste in crowding up the aisle, but the departure 
should be conducted quietly and in order. When 
the vestibule is reached, it is allowable to exchange 
greetings with friends, but here there should be no 
loud talking nor boisterous laughter. Neither should 
gentlemen congregate in knots in the vestibule or 
upon the steps of the church and compel ladies to 
run the gauntlet of their eyes and tongues. 

Never be late to church. It is a decided mark of 
ill-breeding. 

In visiting a church for the mere purpose of see- 
ing the edifice, one should always go at a time when 
there are no services being held. If people are even 
then found at their devotions, as is apt to be the case 
in Roman Catholic churches especially, the demea- 
nor of the visitor should be respectful and subdu- 
ed and his voice low, so that he may not disturb 
them. 

VISITING AN ARTIST. 

Upon visiting an artist's studio, by no means med- 
dle with anything in the room. Reverse no picture 
which hangs or stands with face to the wall; open 
no portfolio without permission, and do not alter by 
a single touch any lay-figure or its drapery, piece 
of furniture or article of vertu posed as a model. 
You do not know with what care the artist may 
have arranged these things, nor what trouble the 
disarrangement may cost him. 

It is not proper to visit the studio of an artist ex- 



TIQ UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CE8 159 

ccpt by special invitation or permission and at an 
appointed time, for you cannot appreciate how much 
you may disturb him at his work. The hours of 
daylight are all golden to him; and steadiness of 
hand in manipulating a pencil is sometimes only ac- 
quired each day after hours of practice, and may be 
instantly lost on the irruption and consequent in- 
terruption of visitors. 

Use no strong expression of either delight or dis- 
approbation at anything presented for your inspec- 
tion. If a picture or a statue please you, show your 
approval and appreciation by close attention and a 
few quiet, well-chosen words, rather than by extrav- 
agant praise. 

Do not ask the artist his prices unless you really 
intend to become a purchaser; and in this case it is 
best to attentively observe his works, make your 
choice, and trust the negotiation to a third person 
or to a written correspondence with the artist after 
the visit is concluded. You may express your de- 
sire for the work and obtain the refusal of it from 
the artist. If you desire to conclude the bargain at 
once and ask his price, and he names a higher one 
than you desire to give, you may say as much and 
mention the sum you are willing to pay, when it 
will be optional with the artist to maintain his first 
price or accept your offer. 

Never take a young child to a studio, for it may 
do much mischief in spite of the most careful watch- 
ing. At any rate, the juvenile visitor will try the 



160 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

artist's temper and nerves by keeping him in a 
state of constant apprehension. 

If you have engaged to sit for your portrait, nev- 
er keep the artist waiting one moment beyond the 
appointed time. If you do so, you should in justice 
pay for the time you make him lose. 

A visitor should never stand behind an artist and 
watch him at his work; for if he be a man of ner- 
vous temperament, it will be likely to disturb him 
greatly. 

CONDUCT IN PICTURE-GALLERIES. 

In visiting picture-galleries one should always 
maintain the deportment of a gentleman or lady. 
Make no loud comments, and do not seek to show 
superior knowledge in art matters by gratuitous crit- 
icism. Ten to one, if you have not an art education 
you will only be giving publicity to your own ig- 
norance. 

Do not stand in conversation before a picture, and 
thus obstruct the view of others who wish to see 
rather than talk. If you wish to converse with any 
one on general subjects, draw to one side out of the 
way of those who wish to look at the pictures. 

INVITATION TO OPERA OR CONCERT. 

A gentleman upon inviting a lady to accompany 
him to opera, theatre, concert or other public place 
of amusement must send his invitation the previous 
day and write it in the third person. The lady must 



ETIQ, UETTE OF PUBLIC PL A CE8. 161 

reply immediately, so that if she declines there will 
yet be time for the gentleman to secure another com- 
panion. 

It is the gentleman's duty to secure good seats for 
the entertainment, or else he or his companion may 
be obliged to take up with seats where they can 
neither see nor hear. 

CONDUCT IN OPERA, THEATRE OR PUBLIC HALL. 

On entering the hall, theatre or opera-house the 
gentleman should walk side by side with his com- 
panion unless the aisle is too narrow, in which case 
he should precede her. Reaching the seats, he 
should allow her to take the inner one,assuming the 
outer one himself. 

A gentleman should on no account leave the lady's 
side from the beginning to the close of the perform- 
ance. 

If it is a promenade concert or opera, the lady 
may be invited to promenade during the intermis- 
sion. If she decline, the gentleman must retain his 
position by her side. 

The custom of going out alone between the acts 
to visit the refreshment-room cannot be too strongly 
reprehended. It is little less than an insult to the 
lady. 

There is no obligation whatever upon a gentleman 
to give up his seat to a lady. On the contrary, his 
duty is solely to the lady whom he accompanies. He 
must remain beside her during the evening to con- 



162 ETiq UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CE8. 

verse with her between the acts and to render hei 
assistance in case of accident or disturbance. 

It is proper and desirable that the actors be ap- 
plauded when they deserve it. It is their only 
means of knowing whether they are giving satisfac- 
tion. 

During the performance complete quiet should be 
preserved, that the audience may not be prevented 
seeing or hearing. Between the acts it is perfectly 
proper to converse, but it should be in a low tone, so 
as not to attract attention. Neither should one 
whisper. There should be no loud talking, boister- 
ous laughter, violent gestures, lover-like demonstra- 
tions or anything in manners or speech to attract 
the attention of others. 

The gentleman should see that the lady is pro- 
vided with programme, and with libretto also if they 
are attending opera. 

The gentleman should ask permission to call upon 
the lady on the following day, which permission she 
should^rant; and if she be a person of delicacy and 
tact, she will make him feel that he has conferred a 
real pleasure upon her by his invitation. Even if 
she finds occasion for criticism in the performance, 
she should be lenient in this respect and seek for 
points to praise instead, that he may not feel regret 
at taking her to an entertainment which has proved 
unworthy. 

If the means of the gentleman warrant him in so 
doing, he should call for his companion in a car- 



ETIQ, UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES 163 

riage. This is especially necessary if the evening 
is stormy. He should call sufficiently early to allow 
them to reach their destination before the perform- 
ance commences. It is unjust to the whole audience 
to come in late and make a disturbance in obtain- 
ing seats. 

In passing out at the close of the performance the 
gentleman should precede the lady, and there should 
be no crowding and pushing. 

CHURCH OR FANCY FAIRS. 

In visiting a fancy fair make no comments on 
either the articles or their price unless you can praise. 
Do not haggle over them. Pay the price demanded 
or let them alone. If you can conscientiously praise 
an article, by all means do so, as you may be giving 
pleasure to the maker if she chances to be within 
hearing. 

Be guilty of no loud talking or laughing, and 
by all means avoid conspicuous flirting in so public 
a place. 

As, according to the general rules of politeness, a 
gentleman must always remove his hat in the pres- 
ence of ladies, so he should remain with head un- 
covered, carrying his hat in his hand, in a public 
place of this character. 

If you have a table at a fair, use no unlady like 
means to obtain buyers. Let a negative suffice. 
Not even the demands of charity can justify you in 
importuning others to purchase articles against their 



164 ETIQ, UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CES. 

own judgment or beyond their means to purchase. 
Never be so grossly ill-bred as to retain the 
change if a larger amount is presented than the 
price. Offer the change promptly, when the gentle- 
man will be at liberty to donate it if he thinks best, 
and you may accept it with thanks. He is, howev- 
er, under no obligation whatever to make such do- 
nation. 

PICNICS. 

In giving a picnic, the great thing to remember is 
to be sure and have enough to eat and drink. Al- 
ways provide for the largest possible number of 
guests that may by any chance come. 

Send out your invitations three weeks beforehand, 
in order that you may be enabled to fill up your list, 
if you have many refusals. 

Always transport your guests to the scene of ac- 
tion in covered carriages, or carriages that are ca- 
pable of being covered, in order that you may be 
provided against rain, which is proverbial on such 
occasions. 

Send a separate conveyance containing the provi- 
sions, in charge of two or three servants not too 
many, as half the fun is lost if the gentlemen do not 
officiate as amateur waiters. 

The above rules apply to picnics which are given 
by one person, and to which invitations are sent out 
just the same as to an ordinary ball or dinner party. 
But there are picnics and picnics as the French say. 



ij^-, : 









I 







OUTDOOR SPORTS. 



ETiq UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES 165 

Let us treat of the picnic, in which a lot of people 
join together for the purpose of a day's ruralizing. 
In this case, it is usual for the ladies to contribute 
the viands. The gentlemen should provide and su- 
perintend all the arrangements for the conveyance 
of the guests to and from the scene of festivity. 

How TO DRESS. 

Great latitude in dress is allowed on these occa- 
sions. The ladies all come in morning dresses and 
hats; the gentlemen in light coats, wide-awake hats, 
caps, or straw hats. In fact, the morning dress of 
the seaside is quite de rigueur at a picnic. After din- 
ner it is usual to pass the time in singing, or if there 
happens to be an orchestra of any kind, in dancing. 
This is varied by games of all kinds, croquet, <fec. 
Frequently after this the company breaks up into 
little knots and coteries, each having its own centre 
of amusement. 

DUTIES OF GENTLEMEN. 

Each gentleman should endeavor to do his ut- 
most to be amusing on these occasions. If he has a 
musical instrument, and can play it, let him bring 
it for instance, a cornet, which is barely tolerated 
in a private drawing-room, is a great boon, when 
well played at a picnic. On these occasions a large 
bell or gong should be taken, in order to summon 
the guests when required; and the guests should be 
careful to attend to the call at once, for many a 



106 ETiq UETTE OF P VELIO PL A CES. 

pleasant party of this kind has been spoiled by a 
few selfish people keeping out of the way when 
wanted. 

COMMITTEE OF ARRANGEMENTS. 
Finally, it would be well on these occasions to have 
each department vested in the hands of one respon- 
sible person, in order that when we begin dinner we 
should not find a heap of forks but no knives, beef, 
but no mustard, lobster and lettuces but no salad- 
dressing, veal-and-ham, pies but no bread, and near- 
ly fifty other such contretemps, which are sure to 
come about unless the matter is properly looked 
after and organized. 

BOATING. 

The reader may doubtless be surprised that we 
should treat of etiquette when speaking of boating, 
still there are little customs and usages of politeness 
to be observed even in the roughest sports in which 
a gentleman takes part. 

Never think of venturing out with ladies alone, 
unless you are perfectly conversant with the man- 
agement of a boat, and, above all, never overload 
your boat. There have been more accidents caused 
by the neglect of these two rules than can be im- 
agined. 

If two are going out with ladies, let one take his 
stand in the the boat and conduct the ladies to their 
seats, while one assists them to step from the bank. 



ETiq UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES. 167 

Let the ladies be comfortably seated, and their dress- 
es arranged before starting. Be careful that you do 
not splash them, either on first putting the oar into 
the water or subsequently. 

If a friend is with you and going to row, always 
ask him which seat he prefers, and do not forget to 
ask him to row "stroke," which is always the seat of 
honor in the boat. 

ROWING. 

If you cannot row, do not scruple to say so, as then 
you can take your seat by the side of the ladies, and 
entertain them by your conversation, which is much 
better than spoiling your own pleasure and that of 
others by attempting what you know you cannot 
perform. 

The usual costume of gentlemen is white flannel 
trousers, white rowing jersey, and a straw hat. Pea- 
jackets are worn when their owners are not absolute- 
ly employed in rowing. 

LADIES ROWING. 

Of late years ladies have taken very much to 
rowing; this can be easily managed in a quiet river 
or private pond, but it is scarcely to be attempted 
in the more crowded and public parts of our rivers 
at any rate, unless superintended by gentlemen. 
In moderation, it is a capital exercise for ladies; 
but when they attempt it they should bear in mind 
that they should assume a dress proper for the oc. 



168 ETiq UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CES. 

casion. They should leave their crinoline at home, 
and wear a skirt barely touching the ground; they 
should also assume flannel Garibaldi shirts and little 
sailor hats add to these a good pair of stout boots, 
and the equipment is complete. We should observe 
however, that it is impossible for any lady to row 
with comfort or grace if she laces tightly. 









1 




LETTER WRITING. 




LETTERS AND LETTER WRITING. 

CHAPTER 13. 

DELIGHTFUL is the art of letter- 
writing and one not hard to be 
acquired. To write a good letter 
doubtless requires some experi- 
ence ; to write one which is marked by originality and 
beauty requires, in some degree, a peculiar talent. 
But almost any person of ordinary intelligence can 
learn how to express himself or herself in an accept- 
able manner upon paper. 

Good grammar, correct orthography, precise punc- 
tuation, will not make a clever communication, if 
the life and spirit of the expression are wanting ; and 
life and spirit will make a good impressive epistle, 
even if the rhetorical and grammatical proprieties 
are largely wanting. Some of the most charming 
letters we ever saw or read were from children, who 
while they tortured grammar, yet reproduced them- 
selves so completely as to make it appear that they 
really were chattering to us. 

It is comparatively easy to compose. The secret 
of it is hidden in no mystery it is simply to converse 

169 



170 LETTER WRITING. 

on paper, instead of by word of mouth. To illus- 
trate : if a person is before you, you narrate the in- 
cidents of a marriage, or a death, or of any circum- 
stance of interest. It is an easy and an agreeable 
thing to tell the story. Now, if the person were so 
deaf as not to be able to hear a word, what would 
you do ? Why, seize a pencil or pen and write out 
just what you would have told them by words. That 
very writing would be a delightful letter / It is this 
naturalness of expression and individuality of a letter 
which so delights the recipient. 

PENMANSHIP. 

It is not in the province of this chapter to teach 
people how to write. There are numerous systems 
of Penmanship, any one of which will enable one to 
acquire a round, full, even hand, so much admired by 
every one. People in general are very poor writers. 
"Why ? Because they never have taken the time nor 
exercised the patience to train their hands to write 
correctly. That we are a nation of poor writers is at- 
tributable more to carelessness (shall we say laziness ?) 
than to any other one thing. We get a general idea 
how to form letters and thea begin scribbling, and 
keep on scribbling all the rest of our lives. It is just 
as easy to train the hand to write well as poorly. One 
should simply remember the old adage "creep before 
you walk." In other words, learn correctly to form 
letters slowly. Practice writing slowly until the hand 



LETTER WRITING. 171 

has become trained to writing properly, then with 
constant practice a fair degree, of speed may be ac- 
quired. But at the beginning, accuracy must never 
be sacrificed to speed. Every boy and every girl 
may and ought to learn to write well. The habit, 
like all good habits, should be formed in youth and 
when once formed is formed for life. The importance 
of its acquirement cannot be over-estimated. 

CHOICE OF PAPER. 

For all formal notes, of whatever nature, use 
heavy, plain, white, unruled paper, folded once, with 
square envelopes to match. A neat initial letter at 
the head of the sheet is allowable, but nothing more 
than this. Avoid monograms, floral decorations and 
landscapes. Unless of an elaborate and costly design 
they have an appearance of cheapness, and are 
decidedly in bad taste. 

GENERAL APPEARANCE. 

The excellences of a nicely written letter are 
embraced in one word, neatness. All blots, erasures, 
interlinings, will never be seen in a neat letter. If 
you are so unfortunate as to write the wrong word, 
do not draw your pen through it, but take a clean 
sheet and begin over again. 

Always allow half an inch margin at the left of 
each page ; it will give your letter a symmetrical 



172 LETTER WRITING. 

appearance. This margin must be uniform, which ia 
effected by beginning the first letter of each line 
directly under the one above it. Until the eye and 
hand are trained to do this naturally, it is well to rule 
with a pencil a faint line, indicating the width of the 
margin ; in writing, begin the first word of each line 
at the ruled line, and when the page is completed 
take a clean rubber and erase the ruled line. A 
little practice in this way will enable one to form the 
margin correctly by the eye. 

SPELLING AND PUNCTUATION. 

Never allow a letter to leave you until you have 
carefully read it over to carefully punctuate and 
detect any misspelled words.' Form the habit of 
being critical. If there is any doubt about a word, go 
to the dictionary. If your correspondent be a person 
of culture, he will certainly notice any errors in your 
epistle. You cannot afford to be thought either 
ignorant or careless. 

The correct form for punctuating a letter as well 
as the punctuation of the address on the envelope will 
be found in the following examples. 

BEGINNING A LETTER. 

Begin at the upper right hand corner, about one 
half the distance between the top and middle. 



LETTER WB2TING. 173 

Write your street and number, and name of the 
city in which you reside ; on the next line, directly 
underneath, write the date; if you reside in the 
country, write P. O. address and date on the same 
line. Begin back far enough to avoid all appearance 
of crowding. Skip one line, and at the left write the 
name of your correspondent (or the name may be 
written at the close of the letter at the left of the 
page). 

MANNER OF ADDRESS. 

If the person addressed be a stranger or a 
formal acquaintance, it is proper to write " Dear Sir," 
or " Dear Madam ; " if a friend, one may say " My 
Dear Mr. Jones." In the case of addressing a cler- 
gyman, one may say " Rev. Sir." In writing a pro- 
fessional gentleman or a person with a title ho may 
be distinguished as " To L. P. Davis, M.D.," " The 
Rev. Dr. Hall," etc. In addressing a Senator or 
Member of Congress or any other high Government 
Official, address " Honorable Sir." The President of 
the United States and Governor of a State should be 
addressed " His Excellency." . 

In closing a letter the degrees of formality are 
shown as follows : "Yours truly," " Truly yours," 
" Yery truly yours," " Yours very truly," " Sincerely 
yours," " Cordially yours," " Respectfully yours," 
<< Faithfully yours," "Affectionately yours," "Lov- 
ingly yours." The writer's own judgment must be 



174 LETTER WRITING. 

the guide in choosing the above forms, depending en- 
tirely upon the degree of familiarity existing between 
the writer and the person addressed. 

To a person somewhat older than yourself "Re- 
spectfully yours," or, " Yours with great respect," is 
an appropriate form. " Yours truly " and similar 
forms are only used among business men and formal 
acquaintances. "_Yours, etc.," is a careless and 
improper ending, and should never be used. 

Never abbreviate in opening or closing a letter, as 
" D'r S'r," and " Y'rs tr'y," as it shows laziness and 
undue respect for the person addressed. Care 
should be exercised, in closing a letter, to have the 
form appropriate, so as to leave a pleasing impression 
with your correspondent. An ill chosen ending may 
mar the effect of the entire letter. 



PROPER SIGNATURES. 

No lady or gentleman will write the titles Mr., 
Mrs., or Miss before their given names. In writing 
to a stranger, ladies may indicate their appropriate 
titles by writing " Mrs," or " Miss " after their signa- 
tures, enclosed in parenthesis, as " Jeannette Elizabeth 
Stuart (Miss)." Letters of widows and unmarried 
ladies are addressed with their baptismal names. 
The letters of married ladies are usually given with 
their husbands' names ; however, this is optional, as 
many ladies do not wish to so far lose their identity. 



LETTER WRITING. 175 

FOKM FOB A FRIENDLY LETTER. 



15, J8<JI 

(J 

tlsntse 

WLU, 



*/r 

Ks jA 

asO^Us^ 



. <s 

LL, 
UsO^Us'Ls 



176 LETTER WRITING. 

Carelessness in addressing a letter is a mark of discourtesy. 
The following are proper forms: 




J). 

Princeton Street, 



Hampden Co. 



The square envelope is used very much by ladies. 




fy, 



% y. -4. 

JOfj Thompson Street. 



Letters sent in care of another person should be addressed 
as above. 



LETTER WRITING. 



177 



When a letter is sent by an acquaintance or friend, 
the courtesy should be acknowledged on the envelope, 
thus: 




When a letter is sent by a messenger from one friend 
to another residing in the same place, the envelope 
may have the following superscription: 




178 LETTER WRITING. 

FORMS FOR CITY ADDRESS. 




bs, WXL*. 

13 




'4. 



LETTER WRITING. 179 

LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 

Letters of introduction should be short and care- 
fully worded, so that the recipient may not be embar- 
rassed by having to go over a large amount of written 
matter before obtaining the necessary information re- 
garding the person introduced. The contents should 
express your real sentiments toward the person intro- 
duced, and should not be too complimentary, other- 
wise you might embarrass the person whom you wish 
to favor. 

Letters of introduction are to be regarded as cer- 
tificates of respectability, and are therefore never to 
be given where you do not feel sure on this point. 
To send a person of whom you know nothing into 
the confidence and family of a friend, is an unpar- 
donable recklessness. In England, letters of intro- 
duction are called " tickets to soup," because it is gen- 
erally customary to invite a gentleman to dine who 
comes with a letter of introduction to you. Such is 
also the practice, to some extent, in this country, but 
etiquette here does not make the dinner so essential 
as there. 

When a gentleman, bearing a letter of introduc- 
tion to you, leaves his card, you should call on him 
or send a note, as early as possible. There is no 
greater insult than to treat a letter of introduction 
with indifference it is a slight to the stranger as 
well as to the introducer, which no subsequent at- 
tentions will cancel. After you have made this call, 



180 LETTER WRITING. 

it is, to some extent, optional with you as to what 
further attentions you shall pay the party. In this 
country everybody is supposed to be very busy, 
which is always a sufficient excuse for not paying 
elaborate attentions to visitors. It is not demanded 
that any man shall neglect his business to wait upon 
visitors or guests. 

Letters of introduction should never be sealed, 
and should bear upon the envelope, in the left hand 
corner, the name and address of the person intro- 
duced. The following will give an idea of an ap- 
propriate form for a letter of introduction: 

Neenah, Wis., October 27, 18 
"J. W. GOOD, ESQ., 

"DEAR SIR: 

"I take the liberty of introducing to you my 
esteemed friend, Miss. Mary E. Edgarton, who con- 
templates spending some little time in your city. 
Any attentions you may find it possible to show her 
during her stay, will be considered as a personal fa- 
vor by Yours sincerely, 

"MRS. C. E. JOHNSON." 

The envelope should bear the following super- 
scription: 



LETTER WRITING 181 




Introducing Aftss Mary E. Edgarton, Neenah, TFis. 



LETTERS OF FRIENDSHIP. 

The style proper for letters to friends should not 
be too formal; nor should it be marked by too great 
familiarity, except in cases where a rare intimacy 
and confidence exist. A clear, cheerfully toned epistle 
talking with dignity even when in humor, relat- 
ing nothing of impropriety or of scandal, and con- 
veying the very spirit of kindliness is always a 
"welcome guest," and will do to be read aloud to 
others, will do to be preserved and read in after years, 
will enhance your friendship and add to your satis- 
faction. Therefore make it an invariable rule to 
write cheerfully, honestly, and considerately never 



182 LETTER WRITING 

in haste, in a spirit ef petulance or anger, or in a 
sinister manner. A letter of this character should 
receive an early reply, yet not too early, as that 
would place the first writer too soon under obliga- 
tions to write again. 

The following is a suitable form for a letter of this 
kind. 

Dixon, 111., Feb. 10th, 18 

EESPECTED MADAM: 

I would be wanting in gratitude 
did I not express to you my thanks for your excel- 
lent services to me; I came here a giddy girl, 
apt to be misled in many ways; but I have remem- 
bered your admonitions at parting [or, have pre- 
served your maxims of conduct], and I can say with 
truth that they have added much to my sense 
of security and to my happiness. Thus, I never 
keep the company of any stranger; I never write to 
any but my own old friends; I do not go out to 
evening-parties except in the company with some 
member of Mrs. Smith's family; I do not walk the 
streets idly, nor without purpose; I seek the society 
of those older than myself, and try to learn constant- 
ly from what I see and hear. 

I could not have done all this, had you not so earnest- 
ly impressed it upon my mind and heart by your 
kind and wise remarks to me; and now, I pray you 
to accept my gratitude and thanks for your influence 
over me. I feel that it will be an influence for life, 



LETTER WRITING 183 

and may Heaven bless you, is the hearty prayer of 
Your young friend, 

CARRIE FORD. 

ANOTHER. 

Laurel Hill Grove. 
MY OWN DEAR CLARA : 

You are married ! Oh, how this 
sounds! Another claims you another has all your 
first thoughts, all your warmest love and sympath- 
ies; and life is no longer to you what it has been 
a sweet dream! but something real, thoughtful, earn- 
est. 

Dear Clara! I weep for you, because you are gone 
from among us are a girl no longer ; but I know 
you are happy in your love, that you have chosen 
wisely, and I have but to say, God bless you forever 
and forever ! 

May there be few of life's storms and tempests for 
you, but much of its summer of repose and sweet 
content, and may he who has won your pure heart 
ever be worthy of it. I congratulate you, I bless you, 
I pray for you. 

Your own loving friend, 
LILLIAN. 

THE FAMILY LETTER. 
i 

Family correspondence is a great social privilege as 
well as a great necessity. It brings together the 
divided members of the household, and, for the 
while, gives home a place in their hearts. 



184 LETTER WRITING. 

Women always write these best. They know how 
to pick up those little items of interest which are, 
after all, nearly the sum-total of home life, and 
which, by being carefully narrated, transport, for the 
time being, the recipient back to home and home 
interests. 

Having furnished all the news, they should make 
kind and careful inquiries concerning the feelings 
and doings of the recipient; and if this recipient is 
not an adept in the art of letter- writing, they may 
furnish questions enough to be answered to make the 
reply an easy task. They should conclude with sin- 
cere expressions of affection from all the members 
of the family to the absent one, a desire for his 
speedy return or best welfare, and a request for an 
early answer. 

PARENTS TO CHILDREN. 

Where it is parents writing to children, the study 
should be not to talk too wisely and seriously, but 
to interest their child by touching upon those 
themes best calculated to win the absent ones atten- 
tion, and encourage him or her to loving thoughts 
of home. Any thing in a family letter, which ex- 
cites any other than loving thoughts, i-s greatly to 
be deprecated. Many an otherwise good child has 
been driven to wicked thoughts and deeds, by harsh 
or unkind words from home, when kind words would 
have acted as an incentive to do only what was 
right and best. 



LETTER WRITING. 185 

LETTERS OF LOVE. 

The thought of them causes a thrill through the 
heart: and to those who have had the blessed, bliss- 
ful privilege of writing and receiving them, there 
come reminiscences of associations which are in- 
deed a rich inheritance. 

What can we say of them? Only this : Let them 
be expressive of sincere esteem, yet written in such 
a style that if they should ever fall under the eye 
of the outside world there will be no silliness to 
blush about, nor extravagance of expression of 
which to be ashamed. 

Letters of love are generally preceded by some' 
friendly correspondence, for Cupid is a wise design- 
er, and makes his approaches with wonderful cau- 
tion. These premonitory symptoms of love are easily 
encouraged into active symptoms, then into positive 
declarations: if the loved one is willing to be wooed, 
she will not fail to lead her pursuer into an ambush 
of hopes and fears, which a woman knows by in- 
stinct so well how to order. After the various sub- 
terfuges of coy expression and half-uttered wishes, 
there comes sooner or later, 

Love's Declaration. 

Prince street, Dec. llth, 18 
DEAR Miss HILL: 

I am conscious that it may be 
presumptuous for me to address you this note; yet 



186 LETTER WRITING 

feel that an honorable declaration of my feelings 
toward you is due to my own heart and to my future 
happiness. I first met you to admire; your beauty 
and intelligence served to increase that admiration 
to a feeling of personal interest; and now, I am free 
to confess, your virtues and graces have inspired in 
me a sentiment of love not the sentiment which 
finds its gratification in the civilities of friendly so- 
cial intercourse, but which asks in return a heart 
and a hand for life. 

This confession I make freely and openly to you, 
feeling that you will give it all the consideration 
which it deserves. If I am not deceived, it can not 
cause you pain; but, if any circumstance has weight 
with you any interest in another person, or any 
family obstacle, forbid you to encourage my suit, 
then I leave it to your candor to make such a reply 
to this note as seems proper. I shall wait your an- 
swer with some anxiety, and therefore hope you may 
reply at your earliest convenience. 

Believe me, dear lady, with feelings of true re- 
gard, 

Yours, most sincerely, 

HARRY STOVER. 
Answer. 

Tenth street,Dec. 15th, 18. 
HARRY STOVER, 

DEAR SIR: 

Your note of the 10th reached 



LETTER WRITING 187 

me duly. Its tone of candor requires from me what 
it would be improper to refuse an equally candid 
answer. 

I sincerely admire you. Your qualities of heart 
and mind have impressed me favorably, and, now 
that you tell me I have won your love, I am con- 
scious that I too am regarding you more highly and 
tenderly than comports with a mere friend's rela- 
tion. 

Do not, however, give this confession too much 
weight, for, after all, we may both be deceived in re- 
gard to the nature of our esteem; and I should, there- 
fore, suggest, for the present, the propriety of your 
calling upon me at my father's house on occasional 
evenings; and will let time and circumstances deter- 
mine if it is best for us to assume more serious rela- 
tions to one another than have heretofore existed. 

I am, sir, with true esteem, 

Yours, sincerely, 

ADA HILL. 

Now, this correspondence does not often take place 
between lovers, and why? Simply because men and 
women are not honest and independent enough to 
talk thus to one another upon the most interesting 
and important occasion of their whole lives. 

^ LETTERS OF BUSINESS. 
Letters of business need attention in a work of 



188 LETTER WAITING. 

this kind, because they are those most frequently to 
to be written. They should be marked, 1st; by 
plainness in the penmanship; 2d, by perfect clear- 
ness of meaning; 3d, they should be brief. These 
virtues will insure a consideration not always ac- 
corded to long illegible, and obscure communica- 
tions. Let the style be marked by the utmost di- 
rectness; use no flowers of speech, no metaphor, no 
rhetorical graces; they are out of place. Use plain 
Saxon English; say just what you ought to in order 
to give your order, or to convey your wishes, then 
stop. 

The name should always be signed in full to a let- 
ter of whatever character; and if the writer be a 
married lady, she should invariably, except in the 
most familiar missives, prefix "Mrs." to her name. 

An elaborate or illegible signature intended to 
make an impression on the beholder is exceedingly 
snobbish. 

DIRECTIONS. 

Use a commercial note, full sheet. Begin by writ- 
ing your Town, County, State, and Date (month, 
day, and year,) at full length, on the right, upper 
part of the sheet, say the width of two lines from the 
top. Then the introductory address on the left side 
of the sheet, say one inch from the edge of the sheet 
and one line below the post address and date. Com- 
mence your communication, one line below the in- 



LETTER WRITING. 189 

troductory address, and directly perpendicular to its 
last letter. 

ORDER FOR BOOKS. 

South Bend, St. Joe Co., Ind., 

June 20, 18 
UNION PUBLISHING HOUSE, 
DEAR SIRB: 

Please send me by express, 
eighty-five copies of Decorum. 

Enclosed, find money order, for $17 00. You 
will please collect balance, on delivery of the books. 

Yours truly, 

S. H. HANSON. 

Making Application for Employ 

Gilman, 111., Nov. 10th, 18 

SIRS: 

I am desirous of pursuing a mercantile life, 
and write to know if you have any place vacant for 
a "new hand." I am sixteen years of age, in good 
health and strength, and can produce the best of re- 
commendations as to my good moral character. If 
you can give me a place upon trial, I will be at 
your command from this time. An answer at your 



[CT \ 

>,0.,/ 



190 LETTER WRITING. 

earliest convenience will much oblige, 
Yours, respectfully, 

0. E. SKINNER. 

Letter asking for a School 

TO THE DlRECTOKS OP SCHOOL DISTRICT 

No. 4, HANNA TOWNSHIP, BOONE Co. 
SIRS : 

I ana in search of a school for the winter, and 
offer my services to you. I have taught for several 
seasons, and have the reputation of being a good 
teacher. Of course I have my certificate of qualifi- 
cation for teaching all English branches required in 
a district school. My recommendations as to good 
character, I shall be pleased to submit to your in- 
spection. An early answer will much oblige, 

Yours, truly, 

ANNA STEELE. 

ENCLOSING STAMP. 

Always be sure to enclose stamp for reply upon 
every occasion when the business is your own, or 
where a favor is asked. It is a downright insult to 
ask a person to be bothered with answering your 
letters and to pay his own postage for the privilega 

LETTERS OF INVITATION. 
Letters of invitation are various in form, accord- 



LETTER W&ITINQ. 191 

ing to the various occasions which call them forth. 

An invitation to a large party or ball should read 
as follows: 

"Mrs. Wolf requests the pleasure of Miss Web- 
sters' company at a ball on Thursday, Jan. 8, at 9 
o'clock." 

Invitations to a ball are always given in the name 
of the lady of the house. 

The letter of acceptance should be as follows: 

"Miss Webster accepts with pleasure Mrs. Wolfs 
kind invitation for Thursday, Jan. 8." 

Or if it is impossible to attend, a note something 
after the following style should be sent: 

"Miss Webster regrets that [whatever may be the 
preventing cause] will prevent her accepting Mrs. 
Wolf's kind invitation for Jan. 8." 

INVITATION TO A PARTY. 

The invitation to a large party is similar to that 
for a ball, only the words "at a ball" are omitted and 
the hour may be earlier. The notes of acceptance 
or rejection are the same as for a ball. 

Such a note calls for full evening-dress. If the 
party is a small one, the same should be indicated 
in the note by putting in the words "to a small even- 
ing-party," so that there may be no mistake in the 
matter. 

If there is any special feature which is to give 
character to the evening, it is best to mention this 
fact in the note of invitation. Thus the words "mu- 



192 LETTER WETTING 

sical party," "to take part in dramatic readings," "to 
witness amateur theatricals," etc., should be inserted 
in the note. If there are programmes for the enter- 
tainment/be sure to enclose one. 

Invitations to a dinner-party should be in the 
name of both host and hostess: 

Thus: 

Mr. and Mrs. S. S. Hawkins, request the pleasure 
of Mr. and Mrs. Sayles' company at dinner, on Fri- 
day, Jan. 17, at o'clock. A note of acceptance or 
refusal should be at once returned. 

An invitation to a tea-drinking need not be so for- 
mal. It should partake more of the nature of a 
friendly note, thus: 

"DEAR Miss ANDERSON: We have some friends 
coming to drink tea with us to-morrow ; will you 
give us the pleasure of your company also? We 
hope you will not disappoint us. 

MRS. JANE JONES. 

Invitations should be written upon small note 
paper, which may have initial or monogram stamp- 
ed upon it. 

All invitations should be dated at the top, with 
address written legibly at the bottom. 

The body of the invitation should be in the mid- 
dle of the sheet, the date above, to the right, the 
address below, to the left. 



LETTER WRITING 193 

The invitation must be sent to the private resi- 
dence of the person invited, never to the place of 
business. 

Should an invitation be declined, some reason 
must be given, the true cause a prior engagement, 
a contemplated journey, sickness, domestic trouble, 
or whatever it may be feeing stated clearly and 
concisely, so that the hostess shall have no possible 
occasion for offence. This refusal should be dis- 
patched as quickly as possible, so that the hostess 
may have time to supply the vacant place. 

An invitation once accepted, and an engagement 
made to dinner, should be sacredly observed. Only 
the most imperative necessity will justify its being 
broken. And in that case the fact must be commu- 
nicated directly with a full explanation to the host- 
ess. If it is too late to supply your place, it may at 
least be in time to prevent dinner waiting on your 
account. 

The style of wedding invitations differs with 
changing fashions, so that there can be no impera- 
tive rule laid down. The same may be said regard- 
ing funerals. 

GENERAL ADVICE TO LETTER WRITERS. 

In writing it is necessary to endeavor to make our 
style clear, precise, elegant, and appropriate for all 
subjects. Vivacity of discourse forces us frequently 
to sacrifice happy though tardy expressions, to 
the necessity of avoiding hesitation; but what is 



194 LETTER WRITING 

thus an obstacle in speaking, does not interfere with 
the use of the pen. We ought therefore, to avoid 
repetitions, erasures, insertions, omissions, and con- 
fusion of ideas, or labored construction. If we write 
a familiar letter to an equal or a friend, these blem- 
ishes may remain; if otherwise, we must commence 
our letter again. 

An "ornamental" handwriting is a nuisance. 
What with flourishes and extraneous appendages, 
the reader is continually distracted from the text to 
the characters, and generally ends by wishing the 
writer had used better taste in his chirography. A 
master who teaches any thing but making neat, 
plain handwriting, is not fit for a teacher. 

In business and ceremonious letters do not write 
on both sides of the page. 

Be very sparing in your underlining of words. 
Most letters need no italics whatever, and to empha- 
size words in every line by underscoring makes the 
whole letter weak, if not ridiculous. 

Letters should be directed in a clear, large hand 
to the person for whom they are intended. If they 
are to be in the care of some one else, let that be ad- 
ded after the name or in the lower left-hand corner 
of the letter. 

Letters are indices of the taste as well as of the 
mind of the writer. They express his thoughts and 
his feelings, their manner almost invariably marks 
the spirit and temper of their author. How import- 
ant, then, that they should be conceived in kind- 



LETTER WRITING. 195 

ness, tempered with truthfulness, and spoken in 
earnestness! It is too frequently the case that per- 
sons sit down to write "upon the spur of the mo- 
ment" when some incident, or piece of news, or 
some moment of impatience, fires the pen with a 
feeling which is very apt to find expression in too 
hasty words which affect the distant reader very 
unpleasantly, or which needlessly wound feelinti 
and stir up acrimony. It is best, in almost every 
case, to write when thought and feeling have been 
sobered by reflection; and then it is for the best to 
eschew personalities, harsh expressions, unpleasant 
allusions, for, once written they can not be recalled 
they then become matters of record. Therefore be- 
ware, and be even over-cautious, rather than not cau- 
tious enough, for a letter may serve as a sure witness 
in cases where you might never suppose it could be 
used. It may live and bear testimony for years it 
does not change with time or circumstance it is a 
warrantee deed of whose responsibility you can nev- 
er be free 



\ 





LAWS OF BUSINESS AND LEGAL FORMS. 

CHAPTER 14. 

4.NY are not familiar with the 
following laws of business that 
are in most common daily use : 
Ignorance of the law excuses 
no one. 

The law does not require one 
to do impossibilities. 

Principals are respoBsible for 
the acts of their agents. 
The acts of one partner bind all the rest. 
Each individual in a partnership is responsible for 
the whole amount of the debts of the firm, except in 
cases of special partnership. 

A receipt for money is not always conclusive. 
Signatures made with a lead pencil are held good in 
law. 

A contract made with a minor is void. 
Contracts made on Sunday cannot be enforced. 
No consideration is sufficient in law if it be illegal 
in its nature. An agreement without consideration is 
void. 

An oral agreement must be proved by evidence. A 
written agreement proves itself. The law prefers 
written to oral evidence, because of its precision. 

Written instruments are to be construed and inter- 
preted by the law according to the simple, customary 
and natural meaning of the words used. 

No evidence can be introduced to contradict or 
196 



COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 197 

vary a written contract, but it may be received in 
order to explain it when such evidence is needed. 

A note obtained by fraud, or from a person in a 
state of intoxication, cannot be collected. If the time 
of payment is not named, it is payable on demand. 

Yalue received should be written in a note, but, if 
not, it may be supplied by proof. 

The payee should be named in a note unless pay- 
able to bearer. The time must not depend on a con- 
tingency. The promise must be absolute. 

The maker of an accommodation bill or note is not 
bound to the person accommodated, but is bound to 
all other parties, the same as if there was a good con- 
sideration. 

Checks or drafts should be presented for payment 
without unnecessary delay, during business hours ; 
but in this country it is not compulsory except in the 
case of banks. If the drawee of a check or draft has 
changed his residence, the holder must use due and 
reasonable diligence to find him. 

If one who holds a check as payee, or otherwise, 
transfers it to another, he has a right to insist that 
the check be presented on that day, or, at farthest, on 
the day following. An indorsement of a bill or note 
may be written on the face or back. 

An indorser may prevent his own liability to be 
sued by writing without recourse, or similar words. 

An indorsee has a right of action against all whose 
names were on the bill when he received it. 



198 COmiEBCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 

A note indorsed in blank (the name of the indorser 
only written) is transferable by delivery, the same as 
if made payable to bearer. 

If a note or bill is transferred as security, or even 
as payment of a pre-existing debt, the debt revives if 
the note or bill be dishonored. 

The holder of a note may give notice of protest to 
all the previous indorsers, or to only one of them. 
In the latter case, he should select the last indorser, 
and the last should give notice to the last before him, 
and so on through. Each indorser must send notice 
the same day or the day following. Neither Sunday 
nor any legal holiday is counted in reckoning time 
in which notice is to be given. 

If a letter containing a protest of non-payment be 
put into the post-office, any miscarriage does not 
affect the party giving notice. Notice of protest may 
be sent either to the place of business or to the resi- 
dence of the party notified. 

If two or more persons, as partners, are jointly 
liable on a note or bill, notice to one of them is suf- 
ficient. 

The loss of a note is not sufficient excuse for not 
giving notice of protest. 

The finder of negotiable paper, as of all other 
property, must make reasonable efforts to find the 
owner, before he is entitled to appropriate it to his 
own benefit. If the finder conceal it, he is liable to 
the charge of larceny or theft. 



COMMERCIAL AND 

Negotiable Note. 



LEGAL FORMS. 199 

Non-Negotiabla Note. 





200 COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 

Note with Interest. Sight Draft. 




toq 



^ 




:C\3 
m 

:^-q 




I 



S 



H, 






" 



:l 



o 



CV) V . 
|| j 

^ x& 

t3 O 
f$ o 



COMMEEGIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 201 



Receipt for Money. 



Bank Check. 



00 



00 



3 



hO 

O 

s 
5 



cs 




202 COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 
FORM OF CONTRACT FOR ANY PURPOSE. 

This agreement made this 

day of A.D. 18...., between 

John Jones, of. , State of 

, party of the first part, 

and JohnSmith, of. , State 

of. , party of the second part, 

witnesseth: 

That the said John Jones, for the 
consideration hereinafter mentioned, 
agrees to (here state the agreement). 

In consideration whereof, the 
said John Smith hereby agrees to 
pay the said John Jones (here state 
the conditions). 

In witness whereof they have 
hereunto interchangeably set their 
hands and seals the day above written. 

John Jones. 

John Smith. 
In presence of 

Henry Barker. 



COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 203 
BILL OF SALE. 



Springfield, Mass.^Feb. 17, 1890. 
Miss Ella M. Knowks, 

Worcester, Mass. 
Bought of KING, RICHARDSON & CO., 

25 "Manners," Clo., Plain, . . $2.25, $56.25 
30 Silk (extra), . . 2.50, 75>oo 

20 "- Russia, . . . 5.00, 60.00 

$191.25 
Received Payment, 

King, Richardson & Co. 



LETTER OF CREDIT. 



Fayette, Iowa, May 9, 1890. 
King, T^icbardsm & Co., 

Springfield, Mass. 

Tlease slip books to Geo. A. Austin 
as be may order, not to exceed Five Hundred 
($500) Dollars, and I will be responsible to 
you for tbe payment of tbe same within fifteen 
days from date of shipment. 
Yaurs truly, 

"Daniel F. Gay. 



204 COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 

FORM OF SOLEMNIZATION OF MARRIAGE. 

Persons authorized to perform the marriage 
ceremony should first satisfy themselves that the 
candidates presenting themselves have the legal right 
to marry. 

When performed by a Minister, it should be accord- 
ing to the forms and customs of the church to which 
he belongs. If by a Magistrate, no particular form is 
required. 

This form may be used by either. 

The Minister or Justice may say : 

" A. B., do you take C. D. to be your wife ? Do 
you promise to be to her a kind and faithful husband, 
so long as you both live ? " 

To which the gentleman assents. 

Addressing the lady 

u 0. D., do you take A. B. to be your husband ? 
Do you promise to be to him a kind and faithful 
wife, so long as you both live ? " 

To which she assents. 

The Minister or Justice then pronounce them man 
and wife. 





SELF CULTURE. 




SELF-CULTURE. 

CHAPTER 15. 

HE secret of moral self-culture lies in 
the training of the will to decide 
according to the fiat of an enlight- 
ened conscience. When a question 
of good or ill is brought before the 
mind for its action, its several 
faculties are appealed to. The in- 
tellect perceives, compares and re- 
flects on the suggestions. The emotions, desires and 
passions are addressed and solicited to indulgence. 
The conscience pronounces its verdict of right or 
wrong on the proposed act. Then comes the self- 
determining will, coinciding either with the conscience 
or with the emotions. The end of right moral culture 
is to habituate it to decide against the passions, desires 
and emotions whenever they oppose the conscience. 

Self-culture may be divided into three classes the 
physical, the intellectual, and the moral. Neither 
must be developed exclusively. Cultivate the physi- 
cal unduly and alone, and you may have an athletic 
savage; the moral, and you have an enthusiast or a 
maniac; the intellectual, and you have a diseased 

205 



206 SELF-CULTURE. 

monstrosity. The three must be wisely trained toge- 
ther to have the complete man. 

ECONOMIZE TIME. 

It is astonishing how much may be accomplished 
in self-training by the energetic and persevering, who 
are careful to use fragments of spare time which the 
idle permit to run to waste. 

Excellence is seldom if ever granted to man save as 
the reward of severe labor. 

Thus Stone learned Mathematics while working as 
a journeyman gardener ; thus Druce studied the high- 
est Philosophy in the interval of cobbling shoes ; thus 
Miller taught himself Geology while working as a day 
laborer in a quarry. 

Whatever one undertakes to learn, he should not 
permit himself to leave it till he can reach round and 
clasp hands on the other side. 

One must believe in himself if he would have others 
believe in him. To think meanly of one's self is to 
sink in his own estimation. 

Cultivate self-help, for in proportion to your self- 
respect will you be armed against the temptation of 
low self-indulgence. 

Again " reverence yourself," as Pythagoras has 
said. Borne up by this high idea, a man will not 
defile his body by sensuality nor his mind by servile 
thoughts. This thought, carried into daily life, will 
be found at the root of all virtues : cleanliness, sobri- 
ety, charity, morality and religion. 



SELF-CULTURE. 207 

Set a high price on your leisure moments. They 
are sands of precious gold. Properly expended, they 
will procure for you a stock of great thoughts 
thoughts that will fill, stir, and invigorate and expand 
your soul. Richter said : " I have made as much 
out of myself as could be made of the stuff, and no 
man should require more." Self-discipline and self- 
control are the beginnings of practical wisdom; and 
these must have root in self-respect. The humblest 
may say " To respect myself, to develop myself, this 
is my duty in life." 

IMPORTANCE OF EARLY RISING. 

In rightly improving his time every one who is seek- 
ing earnestly to unfold the energies of his mind by 
giving it the food which God designed that it should 
receive, will soon discover that, after a night's repose, 
his mind is clearer and more vigorous than after a day 
spent in labor and perhaps anxiety, and he will naturally 
seek to give as much time to study in the morning as 
possible. Early rising will bring to him a two-fold 
benefit ; it will strengthen both mind and body. 

READING. 

Self-education is something very different from 
mere reading by way of amusement. It requires 
long and laborious study. The cultivation of a taste 
for reading is all very well, but mere reading does 
little toward advancing any one in the world little 
toward preparing him for a higher station than the 



208 SELF-CULTURE. 

one he fills. The knowledge which fits a man for 
eminence in any profession or calling is not acquired 
without patient, long-continued and earnest applica- 
tion. 

STUDY. 

Mere reading, therefore, although of importance in 
itself as a means of enlarging our ideas and correct- 
ing and refining our tastes, does not give a man much 
power, does not help him to rise above the position in 
which circumstances may have originally placed him. 
It is study th&t does this. Franklin, the printer's boy, 
did not become Franklin, the philosopher and states- 
man, by reading only, but by study ; and we do not 
hear of his studying under teachers and of being 
guided by them, for, like many of us, he did not 
possess these high advantages, but his education pro- 
gressed under the supervision of his own mind. He 
had to feel his way along, and to correct his own 
errors ever and anon as the dawning of fresh light 
enabled him to see them, and you may do the same ; 
you, with few acquirements now, and few opportuni- 
ties, may, if you only will it, become as useful and 
eminent a man as Franklin. But you must work for 
it. Diligently and earnestly must you labor or you 
cannot stand side by side, in after years, with the men 
who have become distinguished for the important 
services they have been able to render their fellows. 

Any one to become great through his own exertions 
has undertaken a large contract. But the perspective 



SELF-CULTURE. 209 

of this superstructure looks larger and more formid- 
able than it is in reality. 

One is likely to look at a successful life rounded 
out and complete, and then measure his own life by 
this model. He must not say " I cannot do as these 
men do," but rather " I should try to do what they 
have done." 

These models, whose memories are finger-posts for 
a succeeding generation, did not become such by 
accident, nor by a single leap. No! they rose by 
successive, single degrees, each of which was wrought 
out by sweating brow and aching muscle. 

The golden crop cannot be garnered till after the 
seed has been sown. The impression cannot be read 
till after the type is set in order, and the errors shown 
in the proof. Stones do not, of themselves, turn up 
as you pass by, to reveal the golden wealth hidden 
beneath them. 

DEPEND UPON WORK NOT GENIUS. 

But usually young people are not willing to devote 
themselves to that process of slow, toilsome self- 
culture which is the price of great success. Could 
they soar to eminence on the lazy wings of genius 
the world would be filled with great men. But this 
can never be ; for whatever aptitude for particular 
pursuits nature may donate to her favorites, to her 
particular children, she conducts none but the labo- 
rious and the studious to distinction. 



210 SELF-CULTUBE. 

GOOD BOOKS EASILY ACCESSIBLE. 
The great thoughts of great men are now to be 
procured at prices almost nominal. Therefore, you 
can easily collect a library of choice authors. Public 
lectures are also abundant in our large cities. Attend 
the best of them and carefully treasure up the richest 
ideas. But, above all, learn to reflect even more than 
you read. 

CARELESS READING IMPAIRS THE MIND. 

Reading is to the mind what eating is to the body ; 
and reflection is similar to digestion. To eat, without 
giving nature time to assimilate the food to herself by 
the slower process of digestion is to deprive her, first, 
of health, and then of life ; so to cram the intellect by 
reading without due reflection is to weaken and par- 
alyze the mind. He who reads thus has " his percep- 
tions dazzled and confused by the multitude of images 
presented to them." There are a very large number 
of young men just entering upon life, of good minds 
but deficient education who, from this cause, are kept 
back and labor under great disabilities. Many of 
these are mechanics, and others have no regular call- 
ing whatever, and find it very difficult to earn any- 
thing beyond a very meager support. Upon these 
we would urge with great earnestness the duty of self- 
education, so called. The deficiencies of early years 
need not keep them back from positions of eminence 
in society those positions awarded only to men of 



SELF-CULTURE. 211 

intellectual force and sound information if they will 
but strive for them. A vast amount of knowledge 
may be gained in the course of a very few years, by 
rightly employing those leisure hours which every one 
has ; and this knowledge, if of a practical kind, will 
always insure to a man the means of elevation in the 
world. 

No matter what a young man's situation and pros- 
pects are ; no matter if he is perfectly independent in 
his circumstances, and heir of two millions, he will 
certainly become a worthless character if he docs not 
aim at something higher than his own selfish enjoy- 
ment ; if he does not indeed devote himself to some 
honorable and useful calling. 

HAVE SOME WORTHY ATM. 

To be industrious, a young man must have a useful 
pursuit and a worthy aim. He must follow that pur- 
suit diligently. Rising early and economizing his 
moments, he must earnestly persist in his toil, adding 
little by little to his capital stock of ideas, influence or 
wealth. He must learn to glory in his labor, be it 
mechanical, agricultural or professional. He must 
impress himself deeply with the idea that a life of 
idleness is one of the direst of all curses. 

THE RESULT OF IDLENESS. 

Vast numbers of young men annually sink from 
positions of high promise into utter abandonment and 
destruction. But admit that the idle youth so trims 



212 SELF-CULTURE. 

between sloth and industry as to avoid utter ruin; 
what then? He lives a useless, insignificant life 
His place in society is aptly illustrated by certain 
books in a Boston library which are lettered " Succed- 
aneum" on their backs. " Succedaneum I" exclaims 
a visitor ; " what sort of a book is that ? " Down it 
comes, when lo ! a wooden block, shaped just like a 
book, is in his hands. Then he understands the 
meaning of the occult title to be " in the place of 
another," and that the wooden block is used to fill 
vacant places, and keep genuine volumes from falling 
into confusion. Such is an idler in society, a man in 
form, but a block in fact. 

As nothing great can be accomplished without 
industry and an earnest purpose, so nothing great can 
be accomplished without order. The one is indis- 
pensable to the other, and they go hand in hand as 
co-workers in man's elevation. 

" DILIGENTIA OMNIA YINOIT." 

No young man should wish to live without work ; 
work is a blessing instead of a curse ; it makes men 
healthy ; develops their powers of body and mind ; 
frees them from temptation ; makes them virtuous and 
enterprising, and raises them to wealth, to honor and 
to happiness. The workingmen of our country are 
its truest nobility. I refer, of course, both to those 
who work with their minds and those who work with 
their hands ; and with these workers every young maa 



SELF-CULTURE. 213 

should be prompt to enroll his name, and honor it 
through life by being a working man a producer, 
and not a mere consumer of what other's earn. Hav- 
ing chosen his occupation, let him give himself to it 
with patient, untiring application resolve to rise and 
excel in it. If placed in discouraging circumstances, 
let him remember the adage of Cicero Diligentia 
omnia vincit. Our worthiest and best men have 
been formed amid difficulties and trials, and no 
young man should ever succumb to difficulties or 
shrink from toil. 

I have seen young men starting from the humblest 
walks and rising to honor, wealth and influence in the 
various callings in life. I have seen others much their 
superiors in natural talents and external advantages, 
sink into inefficiency and neglect, unable to acquire 
any eminence or respect in the world. And when I 
have inquired into the cause of this difference, I have 
found almost universally that it was owing to perse- 
verance and diligence in one case and to neglect and 
inconstancy in the other. 

REQUISITES OF SUCCESS. 

I have rarely known a young man fail to rise in 
the world, who pursued an honest calling with a 
steady, unw^voring purpose to excel in it ; and I have 
never known one fail to sink who was a slothful, 
unstable character. Industry and perseverance, 
coupled with fidelity, can do anything, but without 



214 SELF-CULTURE. 

t-hera nothing can be done. Liko the tortoise in the 
fable, it is the slow, sure, persevering runner that 
first reaches the goal. It is not a few bold, fitful 
efforts that make a man of mark. Even the great 
Newton modestly confessed that he owed his success 
as a philosopher more to patience and attention than 
to any original superiority of mind. And we know 
many at the present day, among the most useful and 
respected in society, who have risen precisely in the 
same manner. 

Idleness is the nursery of crime. It is that prolific 
germ of which all rank and poisonous vices are the 
fruits. It is the source of temptation. It is the field 
where " the enemy sows tares while men sleep." 
Could we trace tho history of a large class of vices we 
should find that they generally originate from the 
want of some useful employment and are brought ia 
to supply its place. 




ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. 

" When a man hath taken a new wife he shall not go to war, 
neither shall he be charged with any business; but he shall be 
free at home one year and cheer up the wife which he has 
taken." DEUT. xxiv, 5. 

CHAPTER 16. 



MAN who avoids matrimony on 
account of the cares of wed- 
ded life, cuts himself off from 
a great blessing for fear of a 
trifling annoyance. He rivals 
the wiseacre who secured him- 
self against corns by having 
his legs amputated. In his 
selfish anxiety to live unen- 
cumbered he only subjects 
himself to heavier burdens; for the passions that 
apportion to each individual the load he is to bear 
through life, generally say to the calculating bachelor 
" As you are a single man, you shall carry double." 

COMPARISONS. 

The Assurance Magazine, an English periodical, 
makes the statement, that in the two periods of life, 
twenty to twenty-five and twenty-five to thirty, the 
probability of a widower marrying in a year is nearly 
three times as great as that of a bachelor ; at thirty, 
it is four times as great ; at sixty, the chances of a 
widower marrying in a year are eleven times as great 

215 




216 ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. 

as that of a bachelor. After the age of thirty, the 
probability of a bachelor marrying in a year dimin- 
ishes in a most rapid ratio ; the probability at thirty- 
five is not much more than half that at thirty, and 
nearly the same proportion exists between each period 
afterward. 

BACHELORS. 

None but the married man has a home in his old 
age. None has friends then but he ; none but he 
knows and feels the solace of the domestic hearth; 
none but he lives and freshens in his green old age, 
amid the affections of his children. There is no tear 
shed for the old bachelor ; there is no ready hand and 
kind heart to cheer him in his loneliness and bereave- 
ment ; there is none in whose eyes he can see himself 
reflected and from whose lips he can receive the 
unfailing assurance of care and love. He may be 
courted for his money; he may eat and drink and 
revel ; and he may sicken and die in a hotel or a gar- 
ret with plenty of attendants about him, like so many 
cormorants waiting for their prey; but he will never 
know the comforts of the domestic fireside. 

The guardian of the Holborn Union lately adver- 
tised for candidates to fill the situation of engineer at 
the work-house, a single man a wife not being 
allowed to reside on the premises. Twenty-one 
candidates presented themselves ; but it was found 
that as to testimonials, character, workmanship and 



ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK 217 

appearance, the best men were all married men. The 
guardians had, therefore, to select a married man. 
A married man falling into misfortune is more apt 
to retrieve his iituation in the world than a single 
one, chiefly because his spirits are soothed and re- 
trieved by domestic endearments and his self-respect 
kept alive by finding that although all abroad be 
darkness and humiliation, yet there is a little world of 
love at home over which he is a monarch. 

ADVICE OF JEREMY TAYLOK. 

Jeremy Taylor says : " If you are for pleasure, marry; 
if you prize rosy health, marry. A good wife is heav- ' 
en's last best gift to man his angel of mercy minis- 
ter of graces innumerable his gem of many virtues 
his casket of jewels her voice, his sweetest music 
her smiles, his brightest day her kiss, the guardian 
of innocence her arms, the pale of his safety, the 
balm of his health, the balsam of his life her indus- 
try, his surest wealth her economy, his safest stew- 
ard her lips, his faithful counselors her bosom, the 
softest pillow of his cares and her prayers, the ablest 
advocates of heaven." 

" Doubtless you have remarked, with satisfaction," 
says a writer in one of our popular magazines, " the 
little oddities of men who marry rather late in life are 
pruned away speedily after marriage. You may find' 
a man who used to be shabbily and carelessly dressed, 
with huge shirt collar frayed at the edges, and a 
glaring yellow silk pocket-handkerchief, broken of 



218 ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. 

these and become a pattern of neatness. You have 
seen a man whose hair and whiskers w<ere ridiculously 
cut, speedily become like other human beings. You 
have seen a clergyman who wore a long beard, in a 
little while appear without one. You have seen a man 
who used to sing ridiculous sentimental songs leave 
them off. You have seen a man who took snuff eo- 
piously, and who generally had his breast covered with 
snuff, abandon this vile habit. A wife is the grand 
wielder of the moral priming-knife. If Johnson's wife 
had lived, there would have been no hoarding of bits 
of orange-peel, no touching of all the posts in walking 
along the street, no eating and drinking with disgust- 
ing voracity. If Oliver Goldsmith had been married, 
he would never have worn that memorable and ridic- 
ulous coat. Whenever you find a man whom you 
know little about, oddly dressed or talking ridicu- 
lously, or exhibiting any eccentricity of manner, you 
may be tolerably sure he is not a married man. For 
the little corners are rounded off, the shoots are 
pruned away in married men. Wives generally have 
much more sense than their husbands, especially if the 
husbands are clever men. The wife's advices are like 
the ballast that keeps the ship steady. They are like 
the wholesome though painful shears snipping off 
the little growth of self-conceit and folly. 

CELIBACY AN UNNATURAL STATE. 
Robert Southey says, a man may be cheerful and 



ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. 210 

contented in celibacy but I do not think he can ever 
be happy ; it is an unnatural state, and the best feel- 
ings of his nature are never called into action. 

WOMAN'S RISK GREATER THAN MAN'S. 

The risks of marriage are for the greater part on 
the woman's side. Women have so little the power 
of choice that it is not, perhaps, fair to say that they 
are less likely to choose well than we are ; but I am 
persuaded that they are more frequently deceived in 
the attachments they form, and their opinions con- 
cerning men are less accurate than men's opinion of 
their sex. Now, if a lady were to reproach me for 
having said this, I should reply that it was only 
another way of saying there are more good wives in 
the world than there are good husbands, which I 
verily believe. I know of nothing which a good and 
sensible man is so certain to find, if he looks for it, 
as a good wife. 

Somebody has said "Before you marry, be sure of 
a house wherein to tarry/' And see, my friend, that 
you make your house a home. A house is a mere 
skeleton of bricks, lath, plaster and wood ; a home is 
a residence, not merely of the body, but of the heart. 
It is a place for the affections to develop themselves 
for children to live, and learn, and play in for 
husband and wife to toil smilingly together to make 
life a blessing. A house where a wife is a slattern 
and a sloven cannot be a home. A house where 



220 ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. 

there is no happy fireside, no book, no newspaper 
above all, where there is no religion and no Bible, 
how can it be a home ? My bachelor brother, there 
cannot, by any possibility, be a home where there is 
no wife. To talk of a home without love, we might 
as well expect to find a New England fireside in one 
of the pyramids of Egypt. 

HAVE A HOME. 

Married people should never be without a home of 
their own from the day when they are united to the 
day of their death. By giving it up, they may save 
money and avoid trouble, but they are sure to lose 
happiness and substantial comfort, and a great part of 
the best uses of life. This is true at all times ; but 
there are no five years in which it is so important as 
those in which it is most frequently disregarded. 

Home life is the proper and normal condition of 
marriage, and they who have no home of their own 
are not much better than half married, after all. 

OBJECTIONS ON ACCOUNT OF EXPENSE. 

The objection made is the expense; they cannot 
afford the first outlay and the continual expenditure 
involved ; to which we might give ft first and general 
answer, that until we can afford to provide a home we 
have no business to be married, but we admit that 
the objection lies deeper and is more difficult of 
removal than at first appears. It consists in foolish 
habits of expenditure and in absurd social ambitions 



ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK 221 

by which unreal necessities are created, and the prob- 
lem of domestic life is made one of almost impossible 
solution. It is this that either prevents marriage or 
destroys its comfort. When a young woman who is 
accustomed to live and dress like a princess and 
a man who has always expended his whole in- 
come on himself contract an alljance, they must 
either have a large income to maintain the accus- 
tomed style, or adopt the very unaristocratic expe- 
dient of " lodgings " BO as to keep up the appearance 
before the world, and economize in comfort for the 
sake of being extravagant in show. How much there 
is of this, let every American city declare. 

A part of the evil, and no small part, is the fault 
of the parents who train their daughters so that noth- 
ing but wealth can make them happy, and economy 
is a virtue vulgar and hateful in their eyes; but 
chiefly it is a general lack of good sense, false ideas 
of respectability, the want of independence, and al- 
most servile subjection to the opinion of what we call 
the world, which generally means some fifteen or 
twenty of the silliest persons of our acquaintance. 

ESSENTIALS TO HAPPINESS. 

Two things are essential to happiness in married 
life : first, to have a home of one's own ; and second, 
to establish it upon such a scale as to live distinctly 
and clearly within one's means ; if possible, not quite 
up to them, and by no possibility beyond them. A 



ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK 

great portion of the failures in wedlock may be 
traced directly to the neglect of the latter rule. No 
man can feel happy or enjoy the comfort of his own 
fireside who is spending more than he earns. Debt 
destroys his self-respect, puts hinr at variance with 
the world, and makes him irritable, ill-tempered, and 
hard to please. There is no Christian virtue, no 
Christian grace, that can keep company with the bur- 
densome annoyance of debt. The thought of unpaid 
bills and of rent falling due and unprovided for, de- 
stroys the relish of one's food, and awakens him from 
the soundest sleep at night, and the luxuries for 
which the debts were contracted become loathsome in 
his sight. Then comes fault-finding and recrimina- 
tion, and love flies out at the window when the 
sheriff threatens to come in at the door. Romantic 
people may talk as much as they please about indul- 
gent husbands and fascinating wives, but the plain 
matter of fact is, that no attractions or charms in the 
wife, either of person or mind, are more available in 
keeping the husband's affection and respect than the 
despised virtues of economy and thrift. 

By such care for his interests, she confers daily 
benefits upon him ; she lessens and cheers his labor ; 
she increases his credit and enlarges his prosperity ; 
" She will do him good and not evil all the days of 
his life." 



COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 




CHAPTER 17. 

OVE took up the harp of life 

And smote on all the strings with 

might ; 
Smote the chord of self, which 

trembling, 
Passed in music out of sight. 

In point of fact, women 
certainly constitute the most 
general consideration in life ; 
in point of necessity, perhaps the most important one. 
In every age and country, they occupy vastly the larger 
portion of men's thoughts. The class of common men 
dedicate to them their lives; and to ambition, busi- 
ness or amusement, they are but the truants of an 
hour. The boy dreams of them as the ministers of 
a delight, dim but delicious, inexplicable but im- 
mense ; the man thinks of them as the authors of a 
pleasure, placid yet poignant ; the old turn towards 
them as the sources of that comfort which is the 
only paradise of age. To gain the favor of a race 
whose attractions are so universal and so various, 
must be admitted to be an art that is worth some 
attention. 



224 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA QE. 

CHARMS FOR PROCURING LOVE.- 
Anciently, talismans and charms were relied on 
for procuring love; "but it is now many years since 
the only tailsmans for creating love are the charms 
of the person beloved," By gracefully displaying 
those advantages which nature has given, and by 
diligently cultivating the graces which art can be 
stow, every man may reasonably hope to succeed in 
whatever aspirations he may form in this direction. 
In this field, moral qualities prevail far more than 
physical ; and while few men are possessed of those 
attractions of form and face which sometimes are 
successful, all may hope to acquire those qualifica- 
tions of character, understanding and manners, 
which more often win the esteem of woman. 

A WOMAN'S JUDGMENT. 

A Woman's common judgment upon this matter 
has been accurately expressed by Gibber when he 
places in a woman's mouth, the remark, that "the 
only merit of a man is his sense, while doubtless the 
greatest value of a woman is her beauty." Beauty, 
unquestionably, is the master-charm of that sex, and 
it is felt to be so by themselves. But while we ob- 
serve its value, we cannot but ponder on its dangers. 
Their glory is so often their ruin, that what they 
make their boast were better called their curse. 

LOVE AND MARRIAGE. 

This marriage is a terrible thing: ; 

'Tis like that well-known trick in the ring 



CO UR TSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 225 

Where one of a famed equestrian troup 
Makes a leap through a golden hoop, 
Not knowing at all what may befall 
After his getting through it. THOMAS HOOD. 

USAGES OF SOCIETY. 

At first sight it would appear as if both love and 
marriage were beyond the rules of etiquette; but it 
is not so. In society we must conform to the usages 
of society, even in the tender emotions of the heart. 

LOVE A UNIVERSAL PASSION. 

Love is the universal passion. We are all, at one 
time or other, conjugating the verb amo. 

"He that feels 

No love for women, hts no heart for them, 
Nor friendship or affectionl he is foe 
To all the finer feelings of the soul; 
And to sweet Nature's holiest, tenderest ties, 
A heartless renegade." 

A LADY'S POSITION. 

A ladyfe choice is only negative that is to say, 
she may love, but she cannot declare her love; she 
must wait. It is hers, when the time comes, to con- 
sent or to decline, but till the time comes she must 
be passive. And whatever may be said in jest or 
sarcasm about it, this trial of a woman's patience ia 
often very hard to bear. 

A GENTLEMAN'S POSITION. 
A man may, and he will learn his fate at once, 



226 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

\ 

openly declare his passion, and obtain his answer. 
In this he has great advantage over the lady. Being 
refused, he may go elsewhere to seek a mate, if he 
be in the humor; try his fortune again, and mayhap 
be the lucky drawer of a princely prize. 

To a gentleman seeking a partner for life, we 
would say look to it, that you be not entraped by a 
beautiful face. 



'Regard not the figure, young man; look at the heart: 
The heart of a woman is sometimes deformed." 



CONDUCT OF A GENTLEMAN TOWARD LADIES. 

A gentleman whose thoughts are not upon mar- 
riage should not pay too exclusive attentions to any 
one lady. He may call upon all and extend invita- 
tions to any or all to attend public places of amuse- 
ment with him, or may act as their escort on occa- 
sions, and no one of the many has any right to feel 
herself injured. But as soon as he neglects oth- 
ers to devote himself to a single lady he gives that 
lady reason to suppose he is particularly attracted 
to her, and there is danger of her feelings becoming 
engaged. 

CONDUCT OF A LADY TOWARD GENTLEMEN. 

Neither should a young lady allow marked atten- 
tions from any one to whom she is not especially 
attracted, for several reasons: one, that she may not 
do an injury to the gentleman in seeming to give his 



CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 227 

suit encouragement, another, that she may not 
harm herself in keeping aloof from her those whom 
she might like better, but who will not approach her 
under the mistaken idea that her feelings are al- 
ready interested. A young lady will on no account 
encourage the address of one whom she perceives to 
be seriously interested in her unless she feels it pos- 
sible that in time she may be able to return his af- 
fections. The prerogative of proposing lies with 
man, but the prerogative of refusing lies with wom- 
an; and this prerogative a lady of tact and kind 
heart can and will exercise before her suitor is 
brought to the humiliation of a direct offer. She 
may let him see that she receives with equal favor 
attentions from others, and she may check in a kind 
but firm manner his too frequent visits. She should 
try, while discouraging him as a lover, to still retain 
him as a friend. 

A young man who has used sufficient delicacy 
and deliberation in this matter, and who, moreover, 
is capable of taking a hint when it is offered him, 
need not go to the length of a declaration when a 
refusal only awaits him. 

PREMATURE DECLARATION. 

It is very injudicious, not to say presumptuous 
for a gentleman to make a proposal to a young lady 
on a brief acquaintance. He may be perfectly sat* 
isfied as to her merits, but how can he imagine him- 
self so attractive as to suppose her equally satisfied 



228 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

on her part? A lady who would accept a gentleman 
at first sight can hardly possess the discretion need- 
ed to make her a good wife. Therefore, impatient 
and impassioned young man, nurse your ardor for a 
while unless you wish to ensure for yourself disap- 
pointment. 

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. 

No doubt there is such a thing as love at first 
sight, but love alone is a very uncertain foundation 
upon which to base marriage. There should be thor- 
ough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of 
harmony of tastes and temperaments before matri- 
mony is ventured upon. 

TRIFLING WITH A MAN'S FEELINGS. 

Some young ladies pride themselves upon the con- 
quests which they make, and would not scruple 
to sacrifice the happiness of an estimable person to 
their reprehensible vanity. Let this be far from 
you. If you see clearly that you have become an 
object of especial regard to a gentleman, and do not 
wish to encourage his addresses, treat him honora- 
bly and humanely, as you hope to be used with gen- 
erosity by the person who may engage your own 
heart. Do not let him linger in suspense; but take 
the earliest opportunity of carefully making known 
your feelings on the subject. This may be done in 
a variety of ways. A refined ease of manner will 
satisfy him, if he has any discernment, that his ad' 



COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 229 

dresses will not be acceptable. Should your natural 
disposition render this difficult, show that you wish 
to avoid his company, and he will presently with- 
draw; but if even this is difficult and who can lay 
down rules for another? allow an opportunity for 
explanation to occur. You can then give him a po- 
lite and decisive answer; and be assured that, in 
whatever manner you convey your sentiments to 
him, if he be a man of delicacy and right feeling, 
he will trouble you no further. Let it never be said 
of you, that you permit the attentions of an honora- 
ble man when you have no heart to give him; or 
that you have trifled with the affections of one whom 
you perhaps esteem, although you resolve never to 
marry him. It may be that his preference gratifies 
and his conversation interests you; that you are flat- 
tered by the attentions of a man whom some of your 
companions admire; and that, in truth, you hardly 
know your own mind on the subject. This will not 
excuse you. Every young woman ought to know 
the state of her own heart; and yet the happiness and 
future prospects of many an excellent man have 
been sacrificed by such unprincipled conduct. 

A POOR TRIUMPH. 

It is a poor triumph for a young lady to say, or 
to feel, that she has refused five, ten, or twenty offers 
of marriage; it is about the same as acknowledging 
herself a trifler and coquette, who, from motives of 
personal vanity, tempts and induces hopes and ex- 



230 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 

pectations which she has predetermined shall be dis- 
appointed. Such a course is, to a certain degree, 
both unprincipled and immodest. 

A STILL GREATER CRIME. 

It is a still greater crime when a man conveys the 
impression that he is in love, by actions, gallantries, 
looks, attentions, all except that he never commits 
himself and finally withdraws his devotions, exult- 
ing in the thought that he has said or written noth- 
ing which can legally bind him. 

THE REJECTED LOVER. 

Remember that if a gentleman makes a lady an 
offer, she has no right to speak of it. If she possess 
either generosity or gratitude for offered affection, 
she will not betray a secret which does not belong to 
her. It is sufficiently painful to be refused, without 
incurring the additional mortification of being 
pointed out as a rejected lover. 

DUTY OF A REJECTED SUITOR. 

The duty of the rejected suitor is quite clear. Et- 
iquette demands that he shall accept the lady's de- 
cision as final and retire from the field. He has no 
right to demand the reason of her refusal. If she 
assign it, he is bound to respect her secret, if it is 
one, and to hold it inviolable. 

To persist in urging his suit or to follow up the 
lady with marked attentions would be in the worst 



CO UBTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 231 

possible taste. The proper course is to withdraw as 
much as possible from the circles in which she 
moves, so that she may be spared reminiscences 
which cannot be other than painful. 

UNMANLY CONDUCT. 

Rejected suitors sometimes act as if they had re- 
ceived injuries they were bound to avenge, and so 
take every opportunity of annoying or slighting the 
helpless victims of their former attentions. Such 
conduct is cowardly and unmanly, to say noth- 
ing of its utter violation of good breeding. 

ENCOURAGING THE ADDRESS OF A GENELEMAN. 

If you encourage the addresses of a deserving 
man, behave honorably and sensibly. Do not lead 
him about as if in triumph: nor take advantage oi 
the ascendency which you have gained by playing 
with his feelings. Do not seek for occasions to tease 
him, that you may try his temper; neither affect in- 
difference; nor provoke lovers' quarrels, for the fool- 
ish pleasure of reconciliation. On your conduct 
during courtship will very much depend the esti- 
mation in which you will be held by your husband 
in after life. 

PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE. 

The mode in which the avowal of love should be 
made, must of course, depend upon circumstances. 
It would be impossible to indicate the style in which 



232 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 

the matter should be told. The heart and the head 
the best and truest partners suggest the most 
proper fashion. Station, power, talent, wealth, com- 
plexion; all have much to do with the matter; they 
must all be taken into consideration in a formal re- 
quest for a lady's hand. If the communication be 
made by letter, the utmost care should be taken that 
the proposal be clearly, simply, and honestly stated. 
Every allusion to the lady should be made with mark- 
ed respect. Let it, however, be taken as a rule that 
an interview is best; but let it be remembered that 
all rules have exceptions. 

FORMS FOR PROPOSALS. 

As to the exact words there is no set formula, un- 
less we accept those laid down in Dickens' novel of 
David Copperfield "Barkis is willin." 

Trollope says on this subject: "We are inclined 
to think that these matters are not always discussed 
by mortal lovers in the poetically passionate phrase- 
ology which is generally thought to be appropriate 
for this description. A man cannot well describe 
that which he has never seen or heard, but the ab- 
solute words and acts of one such scene did once 
come to the author's knowledge. The couple were 
by no means plebeian or below the proper standard 
of high bearing and high breeding; they were a 
handsome pair, living among educated people, suffi- 
ciently given to mental pursuits, and in every way 
what a pair of polite lovers ought to be. The all- 



CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 233 

important conversation passed in this wise. The 
site of the passionate scene was the sea-shore, on 
which they were walking, in autumn: 

11 Gentleman. 'Well, miss, the long and the short 
of it is this: here I am; you can take me or leave 
me.' 

"Lady (scratching a gutter on the sand with her 
parasol, so as to allow a little salt water to run out 
of one hole into another). 'Of course I know that's 
all nonsense/ 

"Gentleman. 'Nonsense! By Jove, it isn't non- 
sense at all! Come, Jane, here I am; come, at any 
rate you can say something/ 

"Lady. 'Yes, I suppose I can say something. 1 

"Gentleman. 'Well, which is it to be take me or 
leave me?' 

"Lady (very slowly, and with a voice perhaps 
hardly articulate, carrying on, at the same time, her 
engineering works on a wider scale). 'Well, I dont 
exactly want to leave you.' 

"And so the matter was settled settled with 
much propriety and satisfaction; and both the lady 
and gentleman would have thought, had they ever 
thought about the matter at all, that this, the 
sweetest moment of their lives, had been graced by 
all the poetry by which such moments ought to be 
hallowed." 

PROPOSAL ACCEPTED. 
Supposing the gentleman to be accepted by the 



;234 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

lady of his heart, he is, of course, recognized hence- 
forth as one of the family. 

The family of the engaged lady should endeavor 
to make the suitor feel that he is at home, however 
protracted his visits may be. 

PROTRACTED ENGAGEMENTS. 

But protracted courtship, or engagements, are if 
possible, to be avoided; they are universally embar- 
rassing. Lovers are so apt to find out imperfections 
in each other-to grow exacting, jealous, and morose. 

"Alas ! how slight a cause can move 
Dissension between hearts that love." 

"ASKING PAPA." 

When a gentleman is accepted by the lady of his 
choice, the next thing in order is to go at once to her 
parents for their approval. In presenting his suit 
to them he should remember that it is not from the 
sentimental but the practical side that they will re- 
gard the affair. Therefore, after describing the state 
of his affections in as calm a manner as possible, 
and perhaps hinting that their daughter is not in- 
different to him, let him at once frankly, without 
waiting to be questioned, give an account of his pe- 
cuniary resources and his general prospects in life, 
in order that the parents may judge whether he can 
properly provide for a wife and possible family. A 
pertinent anecdote was recently going the rounds of 



CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 235 

the newspapers. A father asked a young man who 
had applied to him for his daughter's hand how 
much property he had. "None," he replied, but he 
was "chock full of days' work." The anecdote con- 
cluded by saying that he got the girl. And we be- 
lieve all sensible fathers would sooner bestow their 
daughters upon industrious, energetic young men 
who are not afraid of days' work than upon idle 
loungers with a fortune at their command. 

AN ENGAGEMENT RING. 

After the engagement is made between the couple 
and ratified by the parents, it is customary in polite 
society for the young man to affix the seal of this 
engagement by some present to his affianced. This 
present is usually a ring, and among the wealthy it 
may be of diamonds a solitaire or cluster and as 
expensive as the young man's means will justify. 
The ring is not necessarily a diamond one; it may 
be of other stones or it may be an heirloom in his 
family, precious more because of its associations an- 
tiquity and quaintness than from its actual money- 
value. 

All lovers cannot afford to present their lady-loves 
with diamond rings, but all are able to give them 
some little token of their regard which will be cher- 
ished for their sakes, and which will serve as a me- 
mento of a very happy past to the end of life. The 
engagement ring should "be worn upon the ring 
finger of the right hand. 



236 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 



THE RELATIONS OP AN ENGAGED COUPLE. 

Neither should assume a masterful or jealous at- 
titude toward the other. They are neither of them 
to be shut up away from the rest of the world, but 
must mingle in society after marriage nearly the 
same as before, and take the same delight in friend- 
ship. The fact that they have confessed their love 
to each other ought to be deemed a sufficient guar- 
antee of faithfulness; for the rest let there be trust 
and confidence. 

DEMONSTRATIONS OF AFFECTION. 

It may be well to hint that a lady should not be 
too demonstrative of her affection during the days 
of her engagement. There is always the chance of 
a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip; and overt demon- 
strations of love are not pleasant to remember by a 
young lady if the man to whom they are given by 
any chance fails to become her husband. 

An honorable man will never tempt his future 
bride to any such demonstration. He will always 
maintain a respectful and decorous demeanor to- 
ward her. 

KEEPING LATE HOURS. 

Very few young men comprehend the real pain 
and inconvenience they occasion to the lady of their 
choice when they keep her up to untoward hours, 



CO URTSHIP AND MARItIA GE. 237 

and subject her, in consequence, to the ridicule and 
censure of others. 

It is not inappropriate to sometimes leave an en- 
gaged couple by themselves, but that they should 
always be so left, under all circumstances and no 
matter at what inconvenience to others, is as absurd 
as it is indelicate. 

A DOMINEERING LOVER. 

No lover will assume a domineering attitude over 
his future wife. If he does so, she will do well to 
escape from his thrall before she becomes his wife 
in reality. A domineering lover will be certain to 
be still more domineering as a husband; and from 
all such the prayer of wise women is, "Good Lord, 
deliver us!" 

BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT. 

"Sometimes it is necessary to break off an engage- 
ment. Many circumstances will justify this. In- 
deed, anything which may occur or be discovered 
which shall promise to render the marriage an un- 
suitable or unhappy one is and should be accepted 
as justification for such a rupture. Still breaking 
an engagement is always a serious and distressing 
thing, and ought not to be contemplated without 
absolute and just reasons. 

Whichever is the acting party in the matter must 
necessarily feel his or her position one of great deli- 
cacy and embarrassment. The step must be taken 



238 COURTSHIP AND 

firmly yet gently, and everything done to soften the 
blow to the other party. 

BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT BY LETTER. 

It is generally best to break an engagement by 
letter. By this means one can express himself or 
herself more clearly, and give the true reasons for 
his or her course much better than in a personal in- 
terview. The letter breaking the engagement 
should be accompanied by everything in the way of 
portraits, letters or gifts which have been received 
during the engagement. 

ACKNOWLEDGING SUCH LETTER. 

Such a letter should be acknowledged in a dig- 
nified manner, and no efforts should be made or 
measures be taken to change the decision of 
the writer unless it is manifest that he or she is 
greatly mistaken in his or her premises. A simi- 
lar return of letters, portraits and gifts should be 
made." 

THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY. 

The marriage ceremony varies with the fortunes 
and wishes of those interested. 

In regard to the form of the rite, no specific direc- 
tions are necessary ; for those who are to be married 
by ministers, will study the form of their particular 
church the Methodists their "Book of Discipline," 
the Episcopalians their "Book of Common Prayer/' 



CO tiRTS&IP AND MARRIA Gfi. 239 

the Catholics their Ritual, etc., etc. In most cases 
a rehearsal of the ceremony is made in private, that 
the pair may the more perfectly understand the ne- 
cessary forms. If the parties are to be wedded by 
a magistrate, the ceremony is almost nominal it is 
a mere repetition of a vow. The Catholic and Epis- 
copal forms have the most ceremony, and doubtless 
are the most impressive, though no more effectual- 
ly marrying than the simplest form. 

GENERAL RULES. 

There are, however; some generally received rules 
which govern this momentous and interesting occa- 
sion, and to these we refer all interested. 

When the wedding is not strictly in private, it is 
customary for bridesmaids and groomsmen to be 
chosen to assist in the duties of the occasion. 

The bridesmaids should be youngerHhan the bride; 
their dresses should be conformed to hers; they 
should not be any more expensive, though they are 
permitted more ornament. They are generally chos- 
en of light, graceful material; flowers are the princi- 
pal decoration. 

The bride's dress is marked by simplicity. But 
few jewels or ornaments should be worn, and those 
should be the gift of the bridegroom or parents. A 
veil and garland are the distinguishing features of 
the dress. 

The bridesmaids assist in dressing the bride, re- 
ceiving the company, etc.; and, at the time of the 



240 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA OE. 

ceremony, stand at her left side, the first bridesmaid 
holding the bouquet and gloves. 

The groomsmen receive the clergyman, present 
him to the couple to be married, and support the 
bridegroom upon the right, during the ceremony. 

CONGRATULATIONS AFTER THE CEREMONY. 

If it is an evening wedding, at home immediately 
after "these twain are made one," they are congrat- 
ulated: first by the relatives, then by the friends, re- 
ceiving the good wishes of all; after which, they are 
at liberty to leave their formal position, and mingle 
with the company. The dresses, supper, etc., are 
usually more festive and gay than for a morning 
wedding and reception, where the friends stop for a 
few moments only, to congratulate the newly-mar 
ried pair, taste the cake and wine and hurry away. 

CEREMONY IN CHURCH. 

When the ceremony is performed in church, the 
bride enters at the left, with her father, mother, and 
bridesmaids; or, at all events, with a bridesmaid. 
The groom enters at the right, folio wed by his attend- 
ants. The parents stand behind, the attendants at 
either side. 

The bride should be certain that her glove is read- 
ily removable; the groom, that the ring is where he 
can find it, to avoid delay and embarrassment. 



CO UR TSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 241 

LEAVING THE CHURCH. 

When they leave the church, the newly-married 
couple walk arm-in-arm. They have usually a re- 
ception of a couple of hours at home, for their inti- 
mate friends, then a breakfast, then leave upon the 
"bridal tour." 

MARRIAGE-FEES. 

A rich man may give to the officiating clergyman 
any sum from five dollars to five hundred, according 
as his liberality dictates. A person of moderate 
means may give from five dollars to twenty. 

LET JOY BE UNCONFINED. 

On such festive occasions, all appear in their best 
attire, and assume their best manners. Peculiari- 
ties that pertain to past days, or have been unwarily 
adopted, should be guarded against; mysteries con- 
cerning knives, forks, and plates, or throwing "an 
old shoe" after the bride, are highly reprehensible, 
and have long been exploded. Such practices may 
seem immaterial, but they are not so. Stranger 
guests often meet at a wedding breakfast ; and the 
good breeding of the family may be somewhat com- 
promised by neglect in small things. 

THE WEDDING BREAKFAST. 

If the lady appears at breakfast, which is certainly 
desirable, she occupies, with her husband, the center 



242 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

of the table, and sits by his side her father and 
mother taking the top and bottom, and showing all 
honor to their guests. When the cake has been cut, 
and every one is helped when, too, the health of 
the bride and bridegroom has been drunk, and every 
compliment and kind wish has been duly proffered 
and acknowledged the bride, attended by her 
friends, withdraws; and when ready for her depar- 
ture the newly-married couple start off on their wed- 
ding journey, generally about two or three o'clock, 
and the rest of the company shortly afterward take 
their leave. 

SENDING CARDS. 

In some circles it is customary to send cards almost 
immediately to friends and relations, mentioning at 
what time and hour the newly-married couple ex- 
pect to be called upon. Some little inconvenience 
occasionally attends this custom, as young people 
may wish to extend their wedding tour beyond the 
time first mentioned, or, if they go abroad, delays 
may unavoidably occur. It is therefore better to 
postpone sending cards, for a short time at least. 

WEDDING CARDS. 

Fashions change continually with regard to wed- 
ding cards. A few years since they were highly or- 
namented, and fantastically tied together; now sil- 
ver-edged cards are fashionable; but, unquestiona- 
bly, the plainer and more unostentatious a wedding 



COUETSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 243 

card, the more becoming and appropriate it will be. 
No one to whom a wedding-card has not been sent 
ought to call upon a newly-married couple. 

CALLING- ON A NEWLY-MAKRIED COUPLE. 

When the days named for seeing company arrive, 
remember to be punctual. Call, if possible, the first 
day, but neither before nor after the appointed hour. 
Wedding-cake and wine are handed round, of which 
every one partakes, and each expresses some kindly 
wish for the happiness of the newly-married couple. 

A JOYOUS PERIOD. 

Taking possession of their home by young people 
is always a joyous period. The depressing influence 
of a wedding breakfast, where often the hearts of 
many are sad, is not felt, and every one looks for- 
ward to years of prosperity and happiness. 

PROFESSIONAL CALL WHILE RECEIVING CALLS. 

If the gentleman is in a profession, and it hap- 
pens that he cannot await the arrival of such as call 
according to invitation on the wedding-card, an apol- 
ogy aust be made, and, if possible, an old friend of 
the 1 imily should represent him. A bride must on 
no iccount receive her visitors without a mother, or 
sister, or some friend being present, not even if her 
husband is at home. This is imperative. To do 
otherwise is to disregard the visages of society. 



244 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GJE. 

RETURNING WEDDING VISITS. 

"Wedding visits must be returned during the course 
of a few days, and parties are generally made for the 
newly-married couple, which they are expected to 
return. This does not, however, necessarily entail 
much visiting; neither is it expected from young 
people, whose resources may be somewhat limited, 
or when the husband has to make his way in the 
world. 





THE HOME. 

CHAPTER 18. 

F the home is graced and sweetened 
with kindness and smiles, no mat- 
ter how humble the abode, the 
heart, will turn lovingly toward 
it from all the tumult of the world, 
and it will be the dearest spot be- 
neath the circuit of the sun. A 
single bitter word may disquiet 
an entire family for a whole day. One surly glance 
casts a gloom over the household, while a smile, like a 
gleam of sunshine, may light up the darkest and weari- 
est hours. Like unexpected flowers which spring up 
along our path, full of freshness, fragrance and beauty, 
do kind words and gentle acts and sweet dispositions, 
make glad the home where peace and blessing dwell. 
The influences of home perpetuate themselves. 
The gentle grace of the mother lives in the daughter 
long after her head is pillowed in the dust of death ; 
and the fatherly kindness feels its echo in the nobility 
and courtesy of sons, who come to wear his mantle 
and fill his place; while on the other hand, from an 
unhappy, misgoverned, and disordered home go forth 
persons who shall make other homes miserable, and 
perpetuate the sourness and sadness, the contentions 
and strifes and railings which have made their early 
lives so wretched and distorted. 

245 



246 THE HOME. 

Toward the cheerful home the children gather " as 
clouds and as doves to their windows," while from 
the home which is the abode of discontent and strife 
and trouble they fly forth as vultures to rend their 
prey. 

The class of men who disturb and distress the 
world are not those born and nurtured amid the hal- 
lowed influences of Christian homes; but rather 
those whose early life has been a scene of trouble and 
vexation who have started wrong in the pilgrimage, 
and whose course is one of disaster to themselves and 
trouble to those around them. 

An ideal home must first have a government, but 
love must be the dictator. All the members should 
unite to make home happy. We should have light 
in our homes, heaven's own pure, transparent light. It 
matters not whether home is clothed in blue and 
purple, if it is only brim-full of love, smiles and 
gladness. 

Our boards should be spread with everything good 
and enjoyable. We should have birds, flowers, pets, 
everything suggestive of sociability. Flowers are as 
indispensable to the perfections of the home as to the 
perfections of the plant. Do not give them all the 
sunniest windows and pleasantest corners, crowding 
out the children. 

Of the ornamentation about a house, although a 
broad lake lends a charm to the scenery, it cannot 
compare with the babbliug brook. As the little 
streamlet goes tumbling over the rocks, and along the 



THE HOME. 247 

shallow, pebbly bed, it may be a marvelous teacher 
to the children, giving them lessons of enterprise 
and perseverance. 

In our homes we must have industry and sym- 
pathy. In choosing amusements for the children, the 
latter element must be brought in. To fully under- 
stand the little ones, you must sympathize with them. 
When a child asks questions, don't meet it with, 
" Oh, don't bother me." Tell it all it wants to know. 
Never let your anger rise, no matter how much you 
may be tried. 

For full and intelligent happiness in the home 
circle, a library of the best works is necessary. Do 
not introduce the milk and water fiction pf the pre- 
sent da} 7 , but books of character. Oar homes should 
have their Sabbath and their family altars. Around 
these observances cling many of the softest and most 
sacred memories of our lives. 

A celebrated observer of American life recently 
remarked to us that a great change had come in the 
last ten years to the home-life of the country. One 
point which he made was, that a great many games of 
skill were being played in New England homes to- 
day which were not known, or, if known, were for- 
bidden by parents ten years ago. Chess, within the 
past few years, has won a high place in the popular 
regard. It speaks well for a people when such an 
intellectual game can become popular. For it takes 
brains to play chess even moderately well, and none 
but clever and thoughtful people would ever like it. 



248 THE HOME. 

Checkers are not perhaps more universal, but they 
are more fashionable. They have fought their way 
into high life, and whereas they once found their 
friends in the village tavern and in the farmer's 
kitchen, they are now admitted into the parlors of the 
wealthy and refined. The games played with histori- 
cal cards are also numerous, and many of them 
pleasantly exciting, and yon find them in almost 
every household. Now this is all very pleasant and 
hopeful. It reveals to the thinker the fact that home- 
life is more vivacious and happy than it used to be ; 
that the long, dull evenings are being enlivened 
with sprightly and stimulating amusements, and 
that the home circle is charged with attractions 
which it once sadly lacked. These games are 
helping to make the homes of the country hap- 
pier, helping to make the children more contented 
with their homes, and in doing this they are helping 
to make the country more intelligent and more vir- 
tuous. By wise parents these games are looked upon 
as God-sends. They solve the problem of home 
amusements and recreations. 

A great many homes are like the frame of a harp 
that stands without strings. In form and outline 
they suggest music, but no melody rises from the 
empty spaces; and thus it happens that home is unat- 
tractive, dreary and dull. 

Among home amusements, the best is the old- 
fashioned habit of conversation ; the talking over the 
events of the day, in bright and quick play of wit and 



THE HOME. 249 

fancy ; the story that brings the laugh, and the speak- 
ing the good and kind and true things which all have 
in their hearts. It is not so much by dwelling upon 
what members of the family have in common, as 
bringing each to the other something interesting and 
amusing, that home-life is to be made cheerful and 
joyous. Each one must do his part to make conver- 
sation genial and happy. We are too ready to con- 
verse with newspapers and books, to seek some 
companion at the store, hotel or club-room, and to 
forget that home is anything more than a place in 
which to sleep and eat. 

Conversation in many cases is just what prevents 
many people from relapsing into utter selfishness at 
their own firesides. This is the truest and best 
amusement . it is the healthy education of great and 
noble characters. There is the freedom, the breadth, 
the joyousness of natural life. The time spent thus 
by parents, in the higher entertainment of their 
children, bears a harvest of eternal blessings, and 
these long evenings furnish just the time. 

j.t has been said that a " man's manners form his 
fortune." Whether this be really so or not, it is 
certain that his manners form his reputation stamp 
upon him, as it were, his current worth in the circles 
where he moves. If his manners are the product of a 
kind heart, they will please, though they be destitute 
of graceful polish. There is scarcely anything of 
more importance to a child of either sex than good 
breeding. If parents and teachers perform their 



250 THE HOME. 

duties to the young faithfully, there will be compara- 
tively few destitute of good manners. 

Visit a family where the parents are civil and 
courteous toward all within their household, whether 
as dwellers or as guests, and their children will have 
good manners just as they learn to talk from imita- 
tion. But reverse the order of things concerning the 
parents, and the children learn ill manners, just as in 
the former case they learn good manners, by imita- 
tion. 

Train children to behave at home as you would 
have them act abroad. It is almost certain that they, 
while children, conduct themselves abroad as they 
would have been in the habit of doing under like cir- 
cumstances when at home. " Be courteous," is an 
apostolic injunction which all should ever remember 
and obey. 

Cherish the spirit of kindly affection. Let the 
love of childhood find a return, never repulsing the 
confiding tenderness every child displays when sur- 
rounded by kindly influences. Remember how much 
of the joy of life flows from sympathetic mingling of 
congenial spirits, and seek to bind such to you closer 
and closer with the golden links of affection's easy 
bondage. 

Cultivate singing in your family. Begin when the 
child is not yet three years old. The songs and 
hymns your childhood sang, bring them all back to 
your memory, and teach them to your little ones ; 
mix them all together to meet the varying moods, as 



THE HOME. 251 

in after life they come over you so mysteriously at 
times. Many a time, in the very whirl of business, 
in the sunshine and gayety of the avenue, amid the 
splendor of the drive in the park, some little thing 
wakes up the memories of early youth the old mill, 
the cool spring, the shady tree by the little school- 
house and the next instant we almost see again the 
ruddy cheeks, the smiling faces and the merry eyes 
of schoolmates, some of whom are gray-headed now, 
while most have passed from amid earth's weary 
noises. And anon, "the song my mother sang" 
springs unbidden to the lips, and soothes and sweet- 
ens all these memories. At other times, amid the 
crushing mishaps of business, a merry ditty of the 
olden time breaks in upon the ugly train of thought, 
and throws the mind in another channel ; light breaks 
from behind the cloud in the sky, and new courage is 
given us. The honest man goes gladly to his work ; 
and when the day's labor is done, his tools laid 
aside and he is on his way home, where wife and 
child, and the tidy table and cheery fireside await 
him, how can he but have music in his heart to break 
forth so often into the merry whistle or the jocund 
song ? Moody silence, not the merry song, weighs 
down the dishonest tradesman, the perfidious clerk, 
the unfaithful servant, the perjured partner. 

OUR GIRLS. 

Girls, and especially those who are members of 
large families, have much influence at home, where 



252 THE HOME. 

brothers delight in their sisters, and where parents 
look fondly down on their dear daughters, and pray 
that their example may influence the boys for good. 
Girls have much in their power with regard to those 
boys; they have it in their power to make them 
gentler, purer, truer, to give them higher opinions 
of women ; to soften their manners and ways, to 
tone down rough places and shape sharp, angular 
corners. 

All this, to be done well, must be done by imper- 
ceptibly influencing them and giving them an example 
of the gentleness and purity, the politeness and ten- 
derness we wish them to emulate. When we see 
boys careless to their elders, rude in manner and 
coarse in speech, and we know that they have sisters, 
we often, and I think with reason, conclude that 
there must be something wrong, and that the sisters 
are not trying to make them bertter boys, but leaving 
things alone, letting them go their own course. Per- 
haps their excuse would be that they were too much 
occupied themselves, and that their own studies and 
pursuits prevented them from being able to pay 
much attention to their brothers; and " boys will be 
boys," you know. By all means, let boys be boys. I, 
for one, regard boys too highly to wish them to be 
otherwise ; but the roughness and coarseness and 
rudeness of which I speak are not necessary ingre- 
dients of boyhood ; and it is you, their sisters, who 
must prove that they are not. Interest yourselves in 
their pursuits, show them, by every means in your 



TEE HOME. 253 

power, that you do not consider them and their 
doings beneath 'your notice ; spare an hour from 
your practicing, from your drawing, from your 
languages, for their boating or sports, and don't turn 
contemptuously away from the books and amusements 
in which they delight, as if, though good enough for 
them, they are immeasurably below you. Try this 
behavior, girls, for a short time ; it will not harm 
you, and will benefit them greatly. You will soon 
find how a gentle word will turn off a sharp answer ; 
how a grieved look will effectually reprove an unfit- 
ting expression ; how gratefully a small kindness will 
be received, and how unbounded will be the power 
for good you will obtain by a continuance of this 
conduct. 

Equally great will a girl's influence be on her 
younger sisters, in whose eyes she is the perfection of 
grace and goodness, in whose thoughts she is ever 
present. Beautiful, exceedingly beautiful, is the 
close friendship between an older and a younger 
sister ; but let the elder beware of the influence she 
exerts. 

If she herself be careless, frivolous, undutiful and 
irreligious, the child will inevitably be so, unless the 
fatal influence be counteracted by some other holier 
one. If she gives sharp answers, or shows but little 
regard for truth, let her not be astonished if the little 
one be ill-tempered and untruthful, and sorrowful will 
be the conviction that she has had not a little to do 
with making her so. 



254 THE HOME. 

In school, too, a girl of determined, resolute char- 
acter, will soon take the lead and acquire a certain 
influence. School-girls are gregarious, and follow 
naturally any one who is stronger minded and more 
decided. When the influence is exercised to elevate 
the young minds, and give them higher and nobler 
aspirations, it is a salutary and beneficial effect of school 
life ; but when it is otherwise, it is a very sad one. 

Two or three older girls in a school, having a noble 
object in view, steadily endeavoring to do right, act- 
ing quietly and without ostentation, but seeking 
humbly to follow in the footsteps Christ has marked 
out for us, may do an immense amount of good. "A 
little leaven leaveneth the whole lump." 

BOYS. 

A boy may be spoiled about as easily as a girl, by 
injudicious training. No, we take that back much 
easier. In the first place, then, by leading him to 
depend upon his sisters. 

Who has not seen the spoiled boy in the man who 
could not arrange his tie without calling his wife 
from the breakfast-table to help him ? or put on his 
coat without she held the sleeves ? or get a drop of 
hot water when the kettle was right before him ? 

Another way to spoil a boy is to pick up after him. 
We hold that there is as much need of neat habits in 
a boy as in .the gentler sex ; and this idea of gather- 
ing the coat from the sofa, the vest from the rocking- 
chair, the boots from the hearth-rug, the collar from 



THE HOME. 255 

the table, and the neck-cloth from nobody knows 
where, is perfectly and superlatively ridiculous. 

Again, why is the boy allowed to use coarse, indel- 
icate expressions that, from the lips of a girl, would 
call forth well-merited rebuke ? Should the mind of 
man be made of coarse material because he is expected 
to jostle his way through the rude elements of human 
nature ? That is not the law of the machinist who 
controls dumb matter. Though one engine may be 
ponderous and massive, destined for the roughest 
work, and another delicate and complicated, there is 
the same smoothness of material in both the same 
polish, the same nice finish. 

A boy will most surely be spoiled if led to think he 
can commit offences against morals, which by the 
parents are considered only masculine not criminal. 

Another wrong; thing is to bring a boy up for a 
profession, will he nill he. Some parents have a re- 
spectable horror for dirt, and cannot think of soiled 
hands and a trade with any degree of complacency. 
Therefore the world is burdened with burdens to 
themselves, in the shape of lawyers, doctors, etc., who 
are too poor to live and too poor to die in comfort. 
Finally, the surest way to spoil a boy is not to instil 
into his very soul, from the tima he is an infant, a 
true reverence for woman, a regard for her virtue as 
aacred as the love he bears his mother. .Never let 
her name be trifled with in his presence, or her ac- 
tions interpreted loosely, else you may hereafter 
share the disgrace of having given to the world a 



256 THE HOME. 

curse more corrupting than all others a heartless 
libertine. 

Most boys go through a period when they have 
great need of patient love at home. They are awk- 
ward and clumsy, sometimes strangely willful and 
perverse, and they are desperately conscious of them- 
selves, and very sensitive to the least word of censure 
or effort at restraint. Authority frets them. They 
are leaving childhood, but they have not yet reached 
the sober good sense of manhood. 

They are an easy prey to the tempter and the 
sophist. Perhaps they adopt skeptical views from 
sheer desire to prove that they are independent and 
can do their own thinking. Now is the mother's 
hour. Her boy needs her now more than when he 
lay in his cradle. Her finer insight and serener faith 
may hold him fast and prevent him from drifting 
into dangerous courses. At all events there is very 
much that only a mother can do for her son, and that 
a son can receive only from his mother in the critical 
period of which we are speaking. It is well for him 
if she has kept the freshness and brightness of her 
youth, so that she can now be his companion and 
friend, as well as instructor. 

We know not half the power, for good or ill, 

Our daily lives possess o'er one another; 
A careless word may help a soul to kill, 

Or by one look we may redeem our brother. 

'Tis not the great things that we do or say, 

But idle words forgot as soon as spoken; 
The little, thoughtless cleeda of every day 

Are stumbling-blocks on which the weak are broken. 




DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES. 

CHAPTER 19. 

HOME, as well as a larger 
community, should be regu- 
ulated by well-defined cus- 
toms. Said the Vicar of 
Wakefield about his family 
life: "We all assembled 
early, and after we had 
saluted each other with 
proper ceremony (for I always thought fit to keep up 
some mechanical forms of good breeding, without 
which, freedom ever destroys friendship), we all knelt 
in gratitude to that Being who gave us another day. 
So also when we parted for the night." 

We earnestly recommend that the precepts and 
example of the good old Vicar should be followed and 
adopted by every newly-married couple. With regard 
to the first, the courtesies of society should never be 
omitted, in even the most trivial matters; and as 
respects the second", what blessing can be reasonably 
expected to descend upon a house wherein the voice of 
thanksgiving is never heard, nor yet protection sought 
by its acknowledged head ! 

257 



258 DOMESTIC ET1Q, UETTE AND D UTIES. 

DUTIES OF THE WIFE. 

On the wife especially devolves the privilege and 
pleasure of rendering home happy. We shall, there- 
fore, speak of such duties and observances as per- 
tain to her. 

When a young wife first settles in her home, many 
excellent persons, with more zeal, it may be, than 
discretion, immediately propose that she should de- 
vote some of her leisure time to charitable purposes: 
such, for instance, as clothing societies for the poor, 
or schools, or district visiting. We say with all earn- 
estnes to our young friend, engage in nothing of the 
kind, however laudable, without previously consult- 
ing your husband, and obtaining his full concur- 
rence. Carefully avoid, also, being induced by any 
specious arguments to attend evening lectures, un- 
less he accompanies you. Remember that your 
Heavenly Father, who has given you a home to 
dwell in, requires from you a right performance of 
its duties. Win your husband, by all gentle appli- 
ances, to love religion; but do not, for the sake even 
of a privilege and a blessing, leave him to spend his 
evenings alone. Look often on your marriage ring 
and remember the sacred vows taken by you when 
the ring was given; such thoughts will go far toward 
allaying many of these petty vexations which cir- 
cumstances call forth. 



DOMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 259 

AVOID ALL CAUSES FOR COMPLAINT. 
Never let your husband have cause to complain 
that you are more agreeable abroad than at home; 
nor permit him to see in you an object of admiration 
as respects your dress and manners, when in com- 
pany, while you are negligent of both in the domes- 
tic circle. Many an unhappy marriage has been oc- 
casioned by neglect in these particulars. Nothing 
can be more senseless than the conduct of a young 
woman, who seeks to be admired in general society 
for her politeness and engaging manners, or skill in 
music, when, at the same time, she makes no effort 
to render her home attractive; and yet that home 
whether a palace or a cottage, is the very centre of 
her being the nucleus around which her affections 
should revolve, and beyond which she has compara- 
tively small concern. 

BEWARE OF CONFIDANTS. 

Beware of intrusting any individual whatever 
with small annoyances, or misunderstandings, be- 
tween your husband and yourself, if they unhappily 
occur. Confidants are dangerous persons, and many 
seek to obtain an ascendency in families by gaining 
the good opinion of young married women. Be on 
your guard, and reject every overture that may lead 
to undesirable intimacy. Should any one presume 
to offer you advice with regard to your husband, or 
seek to lessen him by insinuations, shun that per- 
son as you would a serpent. Many a happy home 



260 DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES. 

has been rendered desolate by exciting coolness or 
suspicion, or by endeavors to gain importance in an 
artful and insidious manner. 

REGARDING MONEY MATTERS. 
In all money matters, act openly and honorably 
Keep your accounts with the most scrupulous exact- 
ness, and let your husband see that you take an hon- 
est pride in rightly appropriating the money which 
he intrusts to you. "My husband works hard for 
every dollar that he earns," said a young married 
lady, the wife of a professional man, to a friend who 
found her busily employed in sewing buttons on her 
husbanu'o coat, "and it seems to me worse than cruel 
to lay out a dime unnecessarily." Be very careful 
also, that you do not spend more than can be afford- 
ed in dress; and be satisfied with such carpets and 
curtains in your drawing-room as befit a moderate 
fortune, or professional income. 

How TO KEEP A HOME. 

Natural ornaments, and flowers tastefully arrang- 
ed, give an air of elegance to a room in which the 
furniture is far from costly; and books judiciously 
placed, uniformly produce a good effect. A sensible 
woman will always seek to ornament her home, and 
to render it attractive, more especially as this is the 
taste of the present day. The power of association 
is very great; light, and air, and elegance, are im- 
portant in their effects. No wife acts wisely who per- 



D OMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIE8. 261 

mits her sitting-room to look dull in the eyes of him 
whom she ought especially to please, and with whom 
she has to pass her days. 

AVOID CONCEALMENT. 

In middle life, instances frequently occur of con- 
cealment with regard to money concerns; thus, for 
instance, a wife wishes to possess an article of dress 
which is too costly for immediate purchase, or a 
piece of furniture liable to the same objection. She 
accordingly makes an agreement with a seller, and 
there are many who call regularly at houses when 
the husband is absent on business, and who receive 
whatever the mistress of the house can spare from 
her expenses. A book is kept by the seller, in which 
payments are entered; but a duplicate is never re- 
tained by the wife, and therefore she has no check 
whatever. We have known an article of dress paid 
for in this manner, far above its value, and have 
heard a poor young woman, who hasbeenthus duped 
say to a lady, who remonstrated with her: "Alas! 
what can I do? I dare not tell my husband." It 
may be that the same system, though differing ac- 
cording to circumstances, is pursued in a superior 
class of life. We have reason to think that it is so, 
and therefore affectionately warn our young sisters 
to beware of making purchases that require con- 
cealment. Be content with such things as you can 
honorably afford, and such as your husbands ap- 
prove. You can then wear them with every feeling 



262 DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIES. 

of self-satisfaction, and have a contented mind. 

AVOID ALL BICKERINGS. 

Before dismissing this part of our subject, we be- 
seech you to avoid all bickerings. What does it sig- 
nify where a picture hangs, or whether a rose or 
a pink looks best on the drawing-room table? There 
is something inexpressibly endearing in small con- 
cessions, in gracefully giving up a favorite opinion, 
or in yielding to the will of another; and equally 
painful is the reverse. The mightiest rivers have 
their source in streams; the bitterest domestic mise- 
ry has often arisen from some trifling difference of 
opinion. If, by chance you marry a man of hasty 
temper, great discretion is required. Much willing- 
ness, too, and prayer for strength to rule your own 
spirit are necessary. Three instances occur to us, 
in which, ladies have knowingly married men of 
exceedingly violent tempers, and yet have lived 
happily. The secret of their happiness consisted in 
possessing a perfect command over themselves, and 
in seeking, by every possible means, to prevent their 
husbands from committing themselves in their pres- 
ence. 

BECOMING CONDUCT FOR A WIFE. 

Lastly, renie. ociber your standing as a lady, and 
never approve a. mean action, nor speak an unre- 
fined word; let all your conduct be such as an hon- 
orable and right-minded man may look for in his 



DOMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 263 

wife, and the mother of his children. The slightest 
duplicity destroys confidence. The least want of re- 
finement in conversation, or in the selection of books 
lowers a woman, ay, and forever ! Follow these few 
simple precepts, and they shall prove to you of more 
worth than rubies; neglect them, and you will know 
what sorrow is. They apply to every class of socie- 
ty, in every place where man has fixed his dwelling; 
and to the woman who duly observes them may be 
given the beautiful commendation of Solomon, when 
recording the words which the mother of King Le- 
muel taught him : 

SOLOMON'S DESCRIPTION OP A WOMAN. 

"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in 
her; she will do him good, and not evil, all the days 
of her life. Strength and honor are her clothing; 
and she shall rejoice in time to come. Her children 
rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and 
he praiseth her." Prov. xxxi. 

DUTIES OF A HUSBAND. 

We shall now address ourselves exclusively to our 
brethren; to them who have taken upon themselves 
the sacred and comprehensive names of husband 
and of master, who have formed homes to dwell in 
and have placed therein, as their companions through 
life's pilgrimage, gentle and confiding ones who have 
left for them all that was heretofore most dear, and 
whom they have sworn to love and to cherish. 



264 DOMESTIC JET1Q UETTE AND D UTIES. 

THINGS TO REMEMBER. 

Remember that you have now, as a married man 
a very different standing in society from the one 
which you previously held, and that the happiness 
of another is committed to your charge. Render, 
therefore, your home happy by kindness and atten- 
tion to your wife, and carefully watch over your 
words and actions. If small disputes arise, and your 
wife has not sufficient good sense to yield her 
opinion; nay, if she even seems determined to have 
her own way, and that tenaciously, do not get angry; 
rather be silent and let the matter rest. An oppor- 
tunity will soon occur of speaking affectionately, yet 
decidedly, on the subject, and much good will be 
effected. Master your own temper, and you will 
soon master your wife's; study her happiness without 
yielding to any caprices, and you will have no rea- 
son to regret your self-control. 

ACCOMPANY YOUR WIFE TO CHURCH. 

Never let your wife go to church alone on Sunday. 
You can hardly do a worse thing as regards her 
good opinion of you, and the well being of your 
household. It is a pitiable sight to see a young wife 
going toward the church-door unattended, alone in 
the midst of a crowd, with her thoughts dwelling, 
it may be very sadly, on the time when you were 
proud to walk beside her. Remember that the con- 
dition of a young bride is often a very solitary one; 



DOMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 265 

and that for your sake she has left her parent's roof, 
and the companionship of her brothers and sisters. 
If you are a pxufessional man, your wife may have 
to live in the neighborhood of a large city, where 
she scarcely knows any one, and without those agree- 
able domestic occupations, or young associ . 
among whom she had grown up. Her garden and 
poultry-yard are hers no longer, and the day passes 
without the light of any smile but yours. You go 
off, most probably after breakfast, to your business 
or profession, and do not return till a late dinner; 
perhaps even not then, if you are much occupied, or 
have to keep up professional connections. It seems 
unmanly, certainly most unkind, to let your young 
wife go to church on Sunday without you, for the 
common-place satisfaction of lounging at home. 

A BREACH OF DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE. 

To act in this manner is certainly a breach of do- 
mestic etiquette. Sunday is the only day in which 
you can enable her to forget her father's house, and 
the pleasant associations of her girlhood days in 
which you can pay her those attentions which pre- 
vent all painful comparisons as regards the past. 
Sunday is the day of rest, wisely and mercifully ap- 
pointed to loose the bonds by which men are held 
to the world; let it be spent by you as becomes the 
head of a family. Let no temptation ever induce 
you to wish your wife to relinquish attending Di- 
vine service, merely that she may "idle at home 



266 DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIES. 

with you." Religion is her safeguard amid the tri- 
als or temptations of this world, And woe may foe 
to you if you seek to withdraw her from its protec- 
tion! 



YOUR WIFE INTO YOUR CONFIDENCE. 

Much perplexity in the marriage state often arises 
from want of candor. Men conceal their affairs, 
and expect their wives to act with great economy, 
without assigning any reason why such should be 
the case; but the husband ought frankly to tell his 
wife the real amount of his income; for, unless this 
is done, she cannot properly regulate her expenses. 
They ought then to consult together as to the sum 
that can be afforded for housekeeping, which should 
be rather below than above the mark. 

LET HER MANAGE HER OWN AFFAIRS. 

When this is arranged he will find it advantage- 
ous to give into her hands, either weekly, monthly, 
or quarterly, the sum that is appropriated for daily 
expenditure, and above all things to avoid interfer- 
ing without absolute necessity. The home depart- 
ment belongs exclusively to the wife; the province 
of the husband is to rule the house hers to regu- 
late its internal movements. True it is, that some 
inexperienced young creatures know but little of 
household concerns. If this occur, have patience, 
and do not become pettish or illhumored. If too 
much money is laid out at first, give advice, kind- 



D OMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 267 

ly and firmly, and the young wife will soon learn 
how to perform her new duties. 

AVOID UNNECESSARY INTERFERENCE. 

No good ever yet resulted, or ever will result from 
unnecessary interference. If a man unhappily mar- 
ries an incorrigible simpleton, or spendthrift, he can- 
not help himself. Such, however, is rarely the case. 
Let a man preserve his own position, and assist his 
wife to do the same; all things will then move to- 
gether, well and harmoniously. 

BE ALWAYS READY TO PRAISE. 

Much sorrow, and many heart-burnings, may be 
avoided by judicious conduct in the outset of life. 
Husbands should give their wives all confidence. 
They have intrusted to them their happiness, and 
should never suspect them of desiring to waste their 
money. Whenever a disposition is manifested to do 
right, express your approbation. Be pleased with 
trifles, and commend efforts to excel on every fitting 
occasion. If your wife is diffident, encourage her, 
and -avoid seeing small mistakes. It is unreasona- 
ble to add to the embarrassments of her new condi- 
tion, by ridiculing her deficiencies. 

AVOID COMPARISONS. 

Forbear extolling the previous management of 
your mother or your sisters. Many a wife has been 
alienated from her husband's family, and many an 



268 DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIES. 

affectionate heart has been deeply wounded by such 
injudicious conduct; and, as a sensible woman will 
always pay especial attention to the relations of her 
husband, and entertain them with affectionate polite- 
ness, the husband on his part should always cordial- 
ly receive and duly attend to her relations. The re- 
verse of this, on either side, is often productive of 
unpleasant feelings. 

CONCLUSION. 

Lastly, we recommend every young married man, 
who wishes to render his home happy, to consider 
his wife as the light of his domestic circle, and to 
permit no clouds, however small, to obscure the re- 
gion in which she presides. Most women are natur- 
ally amiable, gentle and complying; and if a wife 
becomes perverse and indifferent to her home, it is 
generally her husband's fault. He may have neg- 
lected her happiness; but nevertheless it is unwise 
in her to retort, and, instead of faithfully reflecting 
the brightness that still may shine upon her, to give 
back the dusky and cheerless hue which saddens 
her existence. Be not selfish, but complying in small 
things. If your wife dislikes cigars and few young 
women like to have their clothes tainted by tobacco 
leave off smoking; for it is at best, an ungentle- 
manly and dirty habit. If your wife asks you to 
read to her, do not put your feet upon a chair and 
go to sleep. If she is fond of music, accompany her 
as you were wont when you sought her for a bride. 



DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIE8. 269 

The husband may say that he is tired, and does not 
like music, or reading aloud. This may occasionally 
be true, and no amiable woman will ever desire her 
husband to do what would really weary him. We, 
however, recommend a young man to practice some- 
what of self-denial, and to remember that no one 
acts with a due regard to his own happiness who lays 
aside, when married, those gratifying attentions 
which he was ever ready to pay the lady of his love; 
or those rational sources of home enjoyment which 
made her look forward with a bounding heart to be- 
come his companion through life. 

Etiquette is a comprehensive term; and its obser- 
vances are nowhere more to be desired than in the 
domestic circle. 





TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

CHAPTER 20. 

^ HERE the corps of servants is 
large, so that the arrange- 
ments of the day are not 
disturbed thereby, it is cus- 
tomary to let the members 
of the family breakfast at 
their own proper hour. Each 
one comes in without ceremony whenever it pleases 
him or her to do so. In smaller households a good 
deal of inconvenience would attend such a course, and 
it is well to insist upon punctuality at a reasonable 
hour. Nevertheless, at this first meal of the day a 
certain amount of freedom is allowed which would be 
unjustifiable at any other time. The head of the 
house may read his morning paper, and the other 
members of the family may look over their corre- 
spondence if they choose. And each may rise and 
leave the table when business or pleasure dictates, 
without waiting for a general signal. 

270 



TABLE ETiq UETTE. 271 

THE BREAKFAST-TABLE. 

The breakfast-table should be simply decorated, 
yet it may be made extremely attractive, with its 
snowy cloth and napkins, its array of glass, and its 
ornamentation of flowers and fruit. 

Queen Victoria has set the fashion of placing the 
whole loaf of bread upon the table with a knife by 
its side, leaving the bread to be cut as it is desired. 
However, the old style of having the bread already 
cut when it is placed upon the table will still recom- 
mend itself to many. In eating, bread must always 
be broken, never cut, and certainly not bitten. 

Fruit should be served in abundance at the break- 
fast-table. There is an old adage which declares 
that "fruit is golden in the morning, silver at noon 
and leaden at night." 

GENERAL RULES FOR BEHAVIOR AT TABLE. 

Tea and coffee should never be poured into a 
saucer. 

If a person wishes to be served with more tea or 
coffee, he should place his spoon in the saucer. If 
he has had sufficient, let it remain in the cup. 

If anything unpleasant is found in the food, such 
as a hair in the bread or a fly in the coffee, remove 
it without remark. Though your own appetite be 
spoiled, it is well not to spoil that of others. 

Never if possible, cough or sneeze at the table. If 
you feel the paroxysm coming on, leave the room. 



272 TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

It may be worth while to know that a sneeze may 
be stifled by placing the finger firmly upon the up- 
per lip. 

Fold your napkin when you are done with it and 
place it in your ring, when at home. If you are 
visiting, leave your napkin unfolded beside your 
plate. 

Never hold your knife and fork upright on each 
side of your plate while you are talking. 

Do not cross your knife and fork upon your plate 
until you have finished. 

When you send your plate to be refilled, place 
your knife and fork upon one side of it or put them 
upon your piece of bread. 

Eat neither too fast nor too slow. 

Never lean back in your chair nor sit too near or 
too far from the table. 

Keep your elbows at your side, so that you may 
not inconvenience your neighbors. 

Do not find fault with the food. 

The old-fashioned habit of abstaining from tak- 
ing the last piece upon the plate is no longer observ- 
ed. It is to be supposed that the vacancy can be 
supplied if necessary. 

If a plate is handed you at table, keep it yourself 
instead of passing it to a neighbor. If a dish is 
passed to you, serve yourself first, and then pass it. 



TABLE JETIQ UETTE. 273 

LUNCHEON. 

Luncheon is a recognized institution in our large 
cities, where business forbids the heads of families 
returning to dinner until a late hour. 

There is much less formality in the serving of 
lunch than of dinner. Whether it consists of one 
or more courses, it is all set upon the table at once. 
When only one or two are to lunch, the repast is 
ordinarily served upon a tray. 

DINNER. 

We have already spoken at some length of cere- 
monious dinners, so that all we need speak of in this 
place is the private family dinner. This should al- 
ways be the social hour of the day. Then parents 
and children meet together, and the meal should be 
of such length as to allow of the greatest sociality. 
Remember the old proverb that "chatted food is 
half digested." 

It may not be out of place to quote here an anec- 
dote from the French, which will illustrate, in most 
respects, the correct etiquette of the dining-table. 

The abbe Casson, a professor in the College Maza- 
rin, and an accomplished litterateur, dined one day 
at Versailles with the abbe de Radonvilliers, in com- 
pany with several courtiers and marshals of France. 
After dinner, when the talk ran upon the etiquette 
and customs of the table, the abbe Casson boasted 
of his intimate acquaintance with the best dining- 
out usages of society. 



274 TABL E ETIQ UETTE. 

The abbe Delille listened to his account of his own 
good manners for a while, but then interrupted him 
and offered to wager that at the dinner just served 
\Q had committed numberless errors or impropri- 
eties. 

"How is it possible!" demanded the abbe. "I did 
exactly like the rest of the company." 

"Nonsense!" exclaimed the other. "You did a 
hundred things which no one else did. First, when 
you sat down at the table, what did you do with 
your napkin?" 

"My napkin? Why, just what everybody else 
did: I unfolded it and fastened it to my button- 
hole." 

"Ah, my dear friend," said Delille, "you were the 
only one of the party who did that. No one hangs 
his napkin up in that style. They content them- 
selves with placing it across their knees. And what 
did you do when you were served to soup?" 

"Like the others, surely. I took my spoon in my 
right hand and my fork in the left " 

"Your fork! Who ever saw any one eat bread 
out of a soup-plate with a fork before ? After your 
soup what did you eat?" 

"A fresh egg." 

"And what did you do with the shell? 

"Handed it to the servant." 

"Without breaking it?" 

"Yes, without breaking it up, of course." 

"Ah, my dear abbe, nobody ever eats an egg with- 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 275 

out breaking the shell afterward," exclaimed Abbe 
Delille. "And after your egg?" 

"I asked the abbe Eadonvilliers to send me a piece 
of the hen near him." 

"Bless my soul! a piece of the hen? One should 
never speak of hens out of the hennery. You should 
have asked for a piece of fowl or chicken. But you 
say nothing about your manner of asking for wine." 

"Like the others, I asked for claret and cham- 
pagne." 

"Let me inform you that one should always ask 
for claret wine and champagne wine. But how did 
you eat your bread?" 

"Surely I did that properly. I cut it with my 
knife into small mouthfuls and ate it with my 
fingers." 

"Bread should never be cut, but always broken 
with the fingers. But the coffee how did you man- 
age that?" 

"It was rather too hot, so I poured a little of it in- 
to my saucer and drank it." 

"Well, then, you committed the greatest error. 
You should never pour either coffee or tea into your 
saucer, but always let it cool and drink it from the 
cup." 

It is unnecessary to say that the abbe was deeply 
mortified at his evident ignorance of the usages of 
polite society. 



MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE, 




CHAPTER 21. 



OME contend that mere in- 
tercourse with the world 
gives a habit and taste for 
those modest and obliging 
observances which consti- 
tute true politeness; but 
this is an error. Propriety 
of deportment is the valu- 
able result of a knowledge 
of one's self, and respect 
for the rights of others ; it 
is a feeling of the sacrifices 
which are imposed on self-esteem by our own social 
relations ; it is, in short, a sacred requirement of har- 
mony and affection. But the usage of the world is 
merely the gloss, or rather the imitation of propriety ; 
and when not based upon sincerity, modesty and 
courtesy, it consists in being inconstant in everything, 
and in amusing itself by playing off its feelings and 
ridicule against the defects and excellencies of others. 
Thanks to custom it is sufficient, in order to be rec- 
ognized as amiable, that he who is the subject of a 
malicious pleasantry may laugh as well as the author 
of it. 

276 



MISCELLANEO US R ULES 277 

PRESENTS AMONG FRIENDS. 

Among friends, presents ought to be made of 
things of small value; or, if valuable, their worth 
should be derived from the style of the workman- 
ship, or from some accidental circumstance, rather 
than from the inherent and solid richness. Especi- 
ally never offer to a lady a gift of great cost: it is 
in the highest degree indelicate, and looks as if you 
were desirous of placing her under an obligation to 
you, and of buying her good will. The gifts made 
by ladies to gentlemen are of the most refined na- 
ture possible: they should be little articles not pur- 
chased, but deriving a priceless value as being the 
offspring of their gentle skill; a little picture from 
their pencil, or a trifle from their needle. 

PRESENTS TO MARRIED LADIES. 

Unmarried ladies should not accept presents from 
gentlemen to whom they are neither related nor en- 
gaged. A married lady may occasionally accept a 
present from a gentleman who is indebted to her for 
hospitality. 

PRESENTS BY MARRIED LADIES. 

Presents made by a married lady to a gentleman 
should be in the name of both herself and her hus- 
band. 

Never make a gift which is really beyond or out 
of proportion to your means. For you may be sure 



278 MISCELLANEOUS RULES 

the recipient is thinking, even if he have the good 
breeding to say nothing, that you had best kept it 
yourself. 

PRAISING PRESENTS. 

If you make a present, and it is praised by the 
receiver, you should not yourself commence under- 
valuing it. If one is offered to you, always accept 
it; and however small it may be, receive it with 
civil and expressed thanks, without any kind of af- 
fectation. Avoid all such deprecatory phrases, as 
"I fear I rob you," etc. 

MAKING PARADE. 

A present should be made with as little parade 
arid ceremony as possible. If it is a small matter, 
a gold pencil-case, a thimble to a lady, or an affair 
of that sort, it should not be offered formally, but 
in an indirect way, left in her basket, or slipped on 
to her finger, by means of a ribbon attached to it 
without a remark of any kind. 

How TO RECEIVE A PRESENT. 
Receive a present in the spirit in which it is given 
and with a quiet expression of thanks. On the 
other hand, never, when what you have given is ad- 
mired, spoil the effect by saying it is of no value, or 
worse still, that you have no use for it, have others, 
or anything of that kind. Simply remark that you 
are gratified at finding it has given pleasure. 



MISCELLANEO US R ULJLS 279 

KEFUSING A GIFT. 

Never refuse a gift if offered in kindness unless 
the circumstancess are such that you cannot with 
propriety or consistency receive it. Neither in re- 
ceiving a present make such comments as "I am 
ashamed to rob you;" "I am sure I ought not to take 
it," which seem to indicate that your friend cannot 
afford to make the gift. 

VALUE OF PKESENTS. 

In the eyes of persons of delicacy, presents are of 
no worth, except from the manner in which they are 
bestowed; strive then to gain them this value. 

GOVERNING OUR MOODS. 

We should subdue our gloomy moods before we 
enter society. To look pleasantly and to speak kind-, 
ly is a duty we owe to others. Neither should we 
afflict them with any dismal account of our health 
state of mind or outward circumstances. It is pre- 
sumed that each one has trouble enough of his own 
to bear without being burdened with the sorrows of 
others. 

\ 

CIVILITY DUE TO ALL WOMEN. 

Chesterfield says, "Civility is particularly due to 
all women; and, remember, that no provocation 
whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to 
v *y woman; and the greatest man would justly be 



2SO MISCELLANEOUS RULES 

reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the mean- 
est woman. It is due to their sex, and is the only 
protection they have against the superior strength 
of ours; nay, even a little is allowable with women; 
and a man may, without weakness, tell a woman 
she is either handsomer or wiser than she is." 

KEEPING ENGAGEMENTS. 

Keep your engagements. Nothing is ruder than 
to make an engagement, be it of business or pleasure 
and break it. If your memory is not sufficiently 
retentive to keep all the engagements you make 
stored within it, carry a little memorandum book, 
and enter them there. 

REQUISITES TO GAIN ESTEEM. 

Chesterfield says, "As learning, honor, and virtue 
are absolutely necessary to gain you the esteem and 
admiration of mankind, politeness and good breed- 
ing are equally necessary to make you welcome and 
agreeable in conversation and common life. Great 
talents, such as honor, virtue, learning, and arts, 
are above the generality of the world, who neither 
possess them themselves nor judge of them rightly 
in others; but all people are judges of the lesser tal- 
ents, such as civility, affability, and an obliging, 
agreeable address and manner; because they feel the 
good effects of them, as making society easy and 
Basing." 



MISCELLANEOUS RULES 281 

CONTEMPT AND HAUGHTINESS. 

Contempt and haughtiness are never wise and 
never politic. Pride is a losing game, play it with 
whom you please. Courtesy is the only way to deal 
with the courteous, and the best way to deal with 
the rude. "There is nothing, so savage and un- 
couth, that a little care, attention, and complaisance 
will not tame it into civility." 

TALKING OF YOURSELF. 

Talk as little of yourself as possible^ or of any 
science or business in which you have acquired fame. 
There is a banker in New York who is always cer- 
tain to pccupy the time of every party he gets into, 
by talking of his per cents, and boasting that he be- 
gan life without a cent which every one readily be- 
lieves; and if he were to add that he began life in a 
pig-pen, they would believe that too. 

A FILTHY HABIT. 

Spitting is a filthy habit, and annoys one in al- 
most every quarter, in-doors and out. Since vul- 
garity has had its way so extensively amongst us, 
every youth begins to smoke and spit before he has 
well cut his teeth. Smoking is unquestionably so 
great a pleasure to those accustomed to it, that it 
must not be condemned, yet the spitting associated 
with it detracts very much from the enjoyment. No 
refined person will spit where ladies are present or 



282 MISCELLANEOUS RULES 

in any public promenade; the habit is disgusting in 
the extreme, and one would almost wish that it 
could be checked in public by means of law. 

AVOID LOUD CONVERSATION. 

If you are in a public room, as a library or read- 
ing-room, avoid loud conversation or laughing which 
may disturb others. At the opera, or a concert be 
profoundly silent during the performances; if you 
do not wish to hear the music, you have no right to 
interfere with the enjoyment of others. 

In private, watch your thoughts; in your family, 
watch your temper; in society, watch your tongue. 

CONSULTING YOUR TIME-PIECE. 

Frequent consultation of the watch or time-pieces 
is impolite, either when at home or abroad. If at 
home, it appears as if you were tired of your com- 
pany and wished them to be gone; if abroad, as if 
the hours dragged heavily, and you were calculat- 
ing how soon you would be released. 

REMOVING THE HAT. 

A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat 
on in the presence of ladies for a single moment. 
Indeed, so strong is the force of habit, that a gentle- 
man will quite unconsciously remove his hat on en- 
tering a parlor, or drawing-room, even if there is no 
one present but himself, 



MISCELLANEO US It, ULES 283 

SMOKING IN PRESENCE OF LADIES. 

It is not deemed polite and respectful to smoke in 
the presence of ladies, even though they are amia- 
ble enough to permit it. A gentleman, therefore, is 
not in the habit of smoking in the parlor, for if 
there is nobody present to object, it leaves a smell in 
the room which the wife has good reason to be mor- 
tified at, if discovered by her guests. 

RELINQUISHING A SEAT FOR LADIES. 

If you are in attendance upon a lady at any opera, 
concert, or lecture, you should retain your seat at her 
side; but if you have no lady with you, and have 
taken a desirable seat, you should if need be, cheer- 
fully relinquish it in favor of a lady, for one less el- 
igible. 

A MAN'S PRIDE AND PRINCIPLES. 

A man's pride should dwell in his principles and 
not in his demeanor. He should be above thinking 
anything which may be unworthy of his nature, 
and above doing anything which may lessen his 
character or impair his honor; but he should not be 
above illustrating his rank and breeding by gentle- 
ness and kindness. 

AVOID RELIGIOUS TOPICS. 

Religious topics should be avoided in conversa- 
tion, except where all are prepared to concur in a 



284 MISCELLANEO US R ULES 

respectful treatment of the subject. In mixed soci 
eties the subject should never be introduced. 

Do not touch any of the ornaments in the houses 
where you visit; they are meant only for the use of 
the lady of the house, and may be admired but not 
touched. 

ATTENTION TO YOUNG PEOPLE IN SOCIETY. 

In society all should receive equal attention, the 
young as well as the old. "If we wish our young 
people to grow up self-possessed and at ease, we 
must early train them in these graces by giving 
them the same attention and consideration we do 
those of maturer years. If we snub them and sys- 
tematically neglect them, they will acquire an awk- 
wardness and a deprecatory manner which it will 
be very difficult for them to overcome. We sin- 
cerely believe that that which is considered the 
natural gaucherie of young girls results more from 
the slights which they are constantly receiving and 
constantly expecting to receive, than from any real 
awkwardness inherent in their age." 

REVERENTIAL REGARD FOR RELIGION. 

A reverential regard for religious observances, 
and religious opinions, is a distinguishing trait of a 
refined mind. Whatever your opinions on the sub 
ject, you are not to intrude them on others, per- 
haps to the shaking of their faith and happiness. 

Never read in company. A gentleman or lady 



MISCELLANEO US R ULLS 285 

may however, look over a book of engravings with 
propriety. 

ABSENT MINDEDNESS. 

Absence of mind is usually affected, and springs 
in most cases from a desire to be thought abstracted 
in profound contemplations. The world, however, 
gives a man no credit for vast ideas who exhibits 
absence when he should be attentive, even to trifles- 
The world is right in this, and I would implore 
every studious youth to forget that he is studious 
when he enters company. I have seen many a man 
who would have made a bright character otherwise, 
affect a foolish reserve, remove himself as far from 
others as possible, and in a mixed assembly, where 
social prattle or sincere conversation enlivened the 
hearts of the company, sit by himself abstracted in 
a book. It is foolish, and, what is worse for the 
absentee, it looks so. 

AFFECTATION. 

There is nothing more diligently to be avoided 
than every species of affectation. It is always de- 
tected; and it always disgusts. It is as often found 
among people of fashion now, as a hundred years 
since. 

CONFIDENCE AND SECRESY. 

There are few points in which men are more fre- 
quently deceived than in the estimate which they 



286 MISCELLANEO US R UL&S 

form of the confidence and secresy of those to whom 
they make communications. People constantly make 
statements of delicacy and importance which they 
expect will go no farther and will never be repeated; 
but the number of those who regard the obligation 
of silence even as to the most particular affairs, is 
extremely small. 

A WOMAN'S GOOD NAME. 

Let no man speak a word against a woman at any 
time, or mention a woman's name in any company 
where it should not be spoken. A person at an 
English dinner-party once made an after-dinner 
speech, in which he was loud in his abuse of the 
sex. When he had concluded, a gentleman whose 
indignation was aroused remarked: "I hope the 
gentleman refers to his own mother, wife and sisters 
and not to ours." 

Civility is particularly due to all women ; and no 
provocation whatsoever can justify a man in not be- 
ing civil to every woman, no matter what her station 
in life may be ; the greatest man would justly be 
reckoned a brute, if he were not civil to the meanest 
woman. It is due to all women, and is the only 
protection they have against the superior strength 
of man. 

SINGING IN COMPANY. 

A lady in company should never exhibit any 
anxiety to sing or play; but if she intends to do so, 



MISCELLANEOUS RULES 28? 

she should not affect to refuse when asked, but 
obligingly accede at once. If you cannot sing or 
do not choose to, say so with seriousness and gravi- 
ty, and put an end to the expectation promptly. 
After singing once or twice, cease and give place to 
others. There is an old saying, that a singer can 
with the greatest difficulty be set agoing, and when 
agoing, cannot be stopped. 

GENTLEMEN AT EVENING-PARTIES. 

At an evening party, a gentleman should abstain 
from conversing with the members of the family at 
whose house the company are assembled, as they 
wish to be occupied with entertaining their other 
guests. A well-bred man will do all that he can in 
assisting the lady of the house to render the even- 
ing pleasant. He will avoid talking to men, and 
will devote himself entirely to the women, and es- 
pecially to those who are not much attended to by 
others. 

ACCEPTING AN INVITATION. 

If a lady accepts an invitation, nothing but the 
most cogent necessity amounting to an absolute pre- 
vention, should be permitted to interfere with her 
keeping her word. To decline at a late period, after 
having accepted, is, I believe, invariably felt to be 
a rudeness and an insult; and it will be resented in 
some civil way. 



288 MISCELLANEO US R ULES 

EXPRESSING UNFAVORABLE OPINIONS. 

When you find that one of your friends appears 
to be attracted by a young lady, and to be attentive 
to her, you should be extremely careful how you ex- 
press to him any unfavorable opinion about her, or 
indulge in any derogatory remarks. If he should 
make her his wife, the remembrance of your obser- 
vations will make a constant awkwardness between 
you. 

CHECKING HIMSELF IN CONVERSATION. 

If a person in conversation has begun to say 
something, and has checked himself, you should 
avoid the tactless error so often committed, of insist- 
ing on hearing him. Doubtless there was some rea- 
son for his change of intention, and it may make 
him feel unpleasantly to urge him forward accord- 
ing to his first impulse. 

CAUTIOUSNESS AND SEFL-CONTROL. 

Cautiousness, and the check of an habitual self- 
control, should accompany the mind of every one 
who launches out in animated conversation. When 
the fancy is heated, and the tongue has become rest- 
less through exercise, and there is either a single 
listener or a circle, to reward display, nothing but 
resolute self-recollection can prevent the utterance 
of much that had better been left unsaid. 



MISCELLANEO US R ULES 289 

AVOID ARGUMENT. 

Avoid opposition and argument in conversation. 
Rarely controvert opinions; never contradict senti- 
ments. The expression of a feeling should be re- 
ceived as a fact which is not the subject of confuta- 
tion. Those who wrangle in company render them- 
selves odious by disturbing the equanimity of their 
companion, and compelling him to defend and give 
a reason for his opinion, when perhaps he is neither 
capable nor inclined to do it. 

CIVILITY. 

Civilities always merit acknowledgment; trivial 
and personal ones by word; greater and more dis- 
tant ones by letter. If a man sends you his book, 
or pays any other similar compliment, you should 
express your consideration of his courtesy, by a 
note. 

COURTESY. 

Courtesy is a habit of which the cultivation is 
recommended by the weightiest and most numerous 
motives. We are led to it by the generous purpose 
of advancing the happiness of others, and the more 
personal one of making ourselves liked and courted. 
When we see how the demagogue is driven to affect 
it, we learn how valuable the reality will be to us. 
"It is like grace and beauty," says Montaigne; "it 
begets regard and an inclination to love one at the 



290 MISCELLANEO US It ULES 

first sight, and in the very beginning of an acquaint- 
ance." 

IMPROPER ACTIONS AND ATTITUDES. 

Never pass between two persons who are talking 
together; and never pass before any one when it is 
possible to pass behind him. When such an act is 
absolutely necessary, always apologize for so doing. 

GOOD MAXIMS. 

Bishop Beveridge says, "Never speak of a man's 
virtues before his face or his faults behind his back." 

Another maxim is, "In private watch your 
thoughts; in your family watch your temper; in so- 
ciety watch your tongue." 

POLITENESS. 

Politeness has been defined as benevolence in small 
things. A true gentleman is recognized by his re- 
gard for the rights and feelings of others, even in 
matters the most trivial. He respects the individu- 
ality of others, just as he wishes others to respect 
his own. In society he is quiet, easy, unobtrusive ; 
putting on no airs, nor hinting by word or manner 
that he deems himself better, wiser, or richer than 
any one about him. He is never " stuck up," nor 
looks down upon others, because they have not titles, 
honors, or social position equal to his own. He 
never boasts of his achievements, or angles for com- 
pliments by affecting to underrate what he has done. 



MISCELLANEO US R ULES 291 

WASHINGTON'S MAXIMS. 

Mr. Sparks has given to the public a collection 
of Washington's maxims which he called his "Rules 
of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company." We 
give these rules entire, as they cannot fail to both 
interest and profit the reader: 

1. Every action in company ought to be with 
some sign of respect to those present. 

2. In the presence of others sing not to yourself 
with a humming voice, nor drum with your fingers 
or feet. 

3. Speak not when others speak, sit not when 
others stand and walk not when others stop. 

4. Turn not your back to others, especially in 
speaking; jog not the table or desk on which anoth- 
er reads or writes; lean not on any one. 

5. Be no flatterer, neither play with any one that 
delights not to be played with 

6. Bead no letters, books or papers in company; 
but when there is a necessity for doing it, you must 
not leave. Come not near the books or writings of 
any one so as to read them unasked; also look not 
nigh when another is writing a letter. 

7. Let your countenance be pleasant, but in seri- 
ous matters somewhat grave. 

8. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of 
another, though he were your enemy. 

9. They that are in dignity or office have in all 
places precedency, but whilst they are young, they 



MISCELLANEOUS RULES 

ought to respect those that are their equals in birth 
or other qualities, though they have no public 
charge. 

10. It is good manners to prefer them to whom 
we speak before ourselves, especially if they be above 
us, with whom in no sort we ought to begin. 

11. Let your discourse with men of business be 
short and comprehensive. 

12. In visiting the sick do not presently play the 
physician if you be not knowing therein. 

13. In writing or speaking give to every person 
his due title according to his degree and custom of 
the place. 

14. Strive not with yonr superiors in argument, 
but always submit your judgment to others with 
modesty. 

15. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art 
he himself professes; it savors of arrogancy. 

16. When a man does all he can, though it suc- 
ceeds not well, blame not him that did it. 

17. Being to advise or reprehend any one, con- 
sider whether it ought to be in public or in private, 
presently or at some other time, also in what terms 
to do it; and in reproving show no signs of choler, 
but do it with sweetness and mildness. 

18. Mock not nor jest at anything of importance; 
break no jests that are sharp or biting; and if you 
deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain from 
laughing thereat yourself. 

19. Wherein you reprove another be unblamable 



MISCELLAXEO US ft VLES 293 

yourself, for example is more prevalent than pre- 
cept. 

20. Use no reproachful language against any one, 

neither curses nor revilings. 

21. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the 
disparagement of any one. 

22. In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to 
accommodate nature rather than procure admiration- 
Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil 
and orderly with respect to time and place. 

23. Play not the peacock, looking everywhere 
about you to see if you be well decked, if your 
slices fit well, if your stockings set neatly and 
clothes handsomely. 

24. Associate yourself with men of good quality 
if you esteem your own reputation, for it is better 
to be alone than in bad company. 

25. Let your conversation be without malice or 
envy, for it is a sign of tractable and commendable 
nature; and in all causes of passion admit reason to 
govern. 

26. Be not immodest in urging your friend to dis* 
cover a secret. 

27. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst 
grown and learned men, nor very difficult questions 
or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things hard 
to be believed. 

28. Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth 
nor at the table; speak not of melancholy things, as 
death and wounds; and if others mention them, 



294 MISVELLANEO US R ULES 

change, if you can the discourse. Tell not your 
dreams but to your intimate friends. 

29. Break not a jest when none take pleasure in 
mirth. Laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion. 
Deride no man's misfortunes, though there seem to 
be some cause. 

30. Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor 
earnest. Scoff at none, although they give occa- 
sion. 

31. Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, 
the first to salute, hear and answer, and be not pen- 
sive when it is time to converse. 

32. Detract not from others, but neither be exces- 
sive in commending. 

33. Go not thither where you know not whether 
you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice with- 
out being asked; and when desired, do it briefly. 

34. If two contend together, take not the part of 
either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your 
opinion; in things indifferent be of the major side. 

35. Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for 
that belongs to parents, masters and superiors. 

36. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of 
others, and ask not how they came. What you may 
speak in secret to your friend deliver not before 
others. 

37. Speak not in an unknown tongue in company 
but in your own language; and that as those of 
quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters 
treat seriously. 



MISCELLAXEO US R ULES 295 

38. Think before you speak; pronounce not im- 
perfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but 
orderly and distinctly. 

39. When another speaks, be attentive yourself, 
and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his 
words, help him not, nor prompt him without being 
desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his 
speech be ended. 

40. Treat with men at fit times about business, and 
whisper not in the company of others. 

41. Make no comparisons; and if any of the com- 
pany be commended for any brave act of virtue com- 
mend not another for the same. 

42. Be not apt to relate news if you know not the 
truth thereof. In discoursing of things you have 
heard, name not your author always. A secret dis- 
cover not. 

43. Be not curious to know the affairs of others, 
neither approach to those that speak in private. 

44. Undertake not what you cannot perform; but 
be careful to keep your promise. 

45. When you deliver a matter, do it without pas- 
sion and indiscretion, however mean the person 
may be you do it to. 

46. When your superiors talk to anybody, hear 
them; neither speak nor laugh. 

47. In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as 
not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opin- 
ion, and submit to the judgment of the major part, 
especially if they are judges of the dispute.. 



296 MISCELLANEO US R ULES 

48. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many 
digressions, nor repeat often the same matter of dis-' 
course. 

49. Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust. 

50. Be not angry at table, whatever happens; and 
if you have reason to be so show it not; put on a 
cheerful countenance, especially if there be strangers 
for good humor makes one dish a feast. 

51. Set not yourself at the upper end of the table; 
but if it be your due, or the master of the house 
will have it so, contend not, lest you should trouble 
the company. 

52. When you speak of God or his attributes, let 
it be seriously, in reverence and honor, and obey 
your natural parents. 

53. Let your recreations be manful, not sinful. 

54. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little 
spark of celestial fire called conscience. 

PRINCIPLES OF GOOD-BREEDING. 
The principles of good-breeding are all found- 
ed in generosity. We must educate ourselves into 
those feelings which teach us to consult the welfare 
and comfort of others, and to bow ourselves to the 
restraints of honor. It is only by discipline and ef- 
fort that we can attain to that elevation of charact- 
er. But high as the result may be, it is always obe- 
dient to those endeavors; and every man may 
take home to himself the assurance that time and 
toil will enable him to reach the last and loftiest 



MISCELLANEO US H, ULES 297 

conclusions in that department, and be honored and 
respected by all. 

ATTENTION TO SMALL MATTERS. 

There is nothing, however minute in manners, 
however insignificant in appearance that does not 
demand some portion of attention from a well-bred 
and highly-polished young man or woman. An 
author of no small literary renown, has observed, 
that several of the minutest habits or acts of some 
individuals may give sufficient reasons to guess at 
their temper. The choice of a dress, or even the 
folding and sealing of a letter, will bespeak the 
shrew and the scold, the careless and the negligent 





WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 

CHAPTER 22. 

HE wife of the chief-justice is 
the first lady in the land, and 
takes precedence of all others. 
She holds receptions and re- 
ceives calls, but she alone is 
excluded from all duty of re- 
turning calls. 

Next in rank comes the wife 
of the President. 

SOCIAL DUTIES OP THE PRESIDENT. 
It is customary for the President to give several 
state dinners and official receptions during each ses- 
sion of Congress. Besides these, there are also gen- 
eral receptions, at which time the White House is 
open to the public and any citizen of the United 
States has the recognized right of paying his re- 
spects to the President. 

PRESIDENTIAL RECEPTIONS. 

On the days appointed for the regular "levees" the 
doors of the White House are thrown open, and the 
world is indiscriminately invited to enter them. 

298 



WASHINGTON ETIQ UETTE. 299 

No special dress is required to make one's ap- 
pearance at this republican court, but every one 
dresses according to his or her own taste or fancy. 
The fashionable carriage or walking-dress is seen 
side by side with the uncouth homespun of the back- 
woodsman and his wife. 

Nor are there any forms or ceremonies to be com- 
plied with to gain admittance to the presidential 
presence. You enter, an official announces you, 
and you proceed directly to the President and his 
wife and pay your respects. They exchange a few 
words with you, and then you pass on, to make room 
for the throng that is pressing behind you. You 
may loiter about the rooms for a short time, chat- 
ting with acquaintances or watching the shifting 
panorama of faces, and then go quietly out, and the 
levee is ended for you. 

PRIVATE CALL UPON THE PRESIDENT. 

If you wish to make a private call upon the Pres- 
ident, you will find it necessary to secure the com- 
pany and influence of some official or special friend 
of the President. Otherwise, though you will be 
readily admitted to the White House, you will prob- 
ably fail in obtaining a personal interview. 

SOCIAL DUTIES OP CABINET OFFICERS AND THEIR 
FAMILIES. 

The ladies of the family of a Cabinet officer should 



300 WASHING TON ET1Q UETTE 

hold receptions every Wednesday during the season 
from two or three o'clock to half-past five. On these 
occasions the houses should be open to all. Refresh- 
ments and an extra number of servants are provid- 
ed. The refreshments for these receptions may be 
plain, consisting of chocolate, tea, cakes, etc. 

Every one who has called and left a card at a 
Wednesday receptions is entitled to two acknowl- 
edgments of the call. The first must be a returning of 
the call by the ladies of the family, who at the same 
time leave the official card of the minister. The 
second acknowledgment of the call is an invitation 
to an evening reception. 

Cabinet officers are also expected to entertain at 
dinners Senators, Representatives, justices of the 
Supreme Court, the diplomatic corps, and many oth- 
er public officers, with the ladies of their families. 

The season proper for receptions is from the first 
of January to the beginning of Lent. The season 
for dinners lasts until the adjournment of Congress. 

SOCIAL DUTIES OF CONGRESSMEN AND THEIR 
FAMILIES. 

It is optional with Senators and Representatives, 
as with all officers except the President and mem- 
bers of the Cabinet, w r hetherthey shall "entertain." 

"There is a vast expense in all this, but that is not 
all. The labor and fatigue which society imposes 
upon the ladies of the family of a Cabinet officer 
are fairly appalling. To stand for hours during 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 301 

receptions at her own house, to stand at a series of 
entertainments at the houses of others whose invita- 
tions courtesy requires should be accepted, and to re- 
turn, in person all the calls made upon her, are a 
few of the duties of the wife of a high official. It 
is doubtful if her husband, with the cares of state, 
leads so really laborious a life. w 




BUSINESS. 




CHAPTER 23. 

is thought by many that among business 
men is the last place to look for politeness ; 
but in no place is it more necessary. 

Many a man has lost a good customer, 
or missed making a profitable bargain, by 
a sharp, abrupt answer to a civil question. 
Many pages could be compiled showing 
instances where great advantages have been derived 
from practising politeness and suavity in the most im- 
portant matters, as well as in trifling business affairs. 
Here, as elsewhere, the golden maxim of " doing 
unto others as we wish to be done by," shines out in 
resplendent brightness. 

Never keep a man listening to you during busi- 
ness hours. You may have all your business done 
for the day, while he may be cogitating how to meet a 
note or buy a cargo. 

Letters asking information should always enclose 
envelope and return stamp. 

Avoid asking your correspondent to transact any 




THE FORGED SIGNATURE. 



&V8H7JBSB. 305 

business for you, that in its nature does not admit 
of repayment. Time to a business man is money. 

If you should happen to be a bank teller, be as 
civil to the most coarsly clad as to the most elabo- 
rately dressed. Remember that the poor man of to- 
day may be the millionaire of to-morrow. So that, 
even as a business speculation, it pays to be polite. 

The lamented George Peabody and the great 
Lafitte were as approachable to the poorest, having 
business with them, as if they themselves did not 
own the shoes they stood in. 

Politeness even to the most inferior person, like 
bread cast upon the waters, may return after many 
days, even long after you may have forgotten all 
about the incident. 

No matter how pressing your business may be in 
thronged marts or crowded banks, if you jostle a 
man, however accidentally, always raise your hat, 
and look an apology, even where you have no chance 
of speaking one. 

Keep your temper in discussing all business affairs; 
let your opponent in a controversy put himself in 
the wrong if he wishes to do so; but let your calm 
politeness disarm his blustering rudeness. 

But if the great merchant or the great banker 
owes courteous and polite treatment to those he comes 
in contact with, the duty of being polite and pleas- 
ant is doubly incumbent upon the rising man or the 
man hoping to rise. 

It is not good taste when meeting in business 



304 BUSINESS. 

hours to go into any long detail or discussion of mat- 
ters foreign to the subject on which you have called. 

Even in speaking of your business affairs, be as 
brief as is consistent with clearness. Remember 
that a short call in business hours is likely to be a 
pleasant one. 

We often hear of the rudeness of would-be aristo- 
crats; but generally impoliteness departs with coarse 
habits. A man would not be tolerated in good socie- 
ty, however rich he might be, who brought with 
him the manners of a boor. 

Truly has the poet said, "'tis manners make the 
man, the want of it the fellow;" and it behooves a 
man in every station, and under every possible cir- 
cumstance, to be as agreeable as possible to every 
one he meets with. 

Let your reply to any interrogation be given free- 
ly and willingly, although you may not see how it 
is going to benefit you. 

Set an example to your clerks and other employ- 
ees. Speak kindly, even where it is necessary to re- 
prove them for any shortcomings. 

Consideration for the feelings of others is the main 
thing. 

On no occasion, nor under any temptation, mis- 
lead or falsify. Temporarily the advantage may 
come from it eventually you are sure to be the loser. 

Never by word or deed falsify in representing an 
article to be better than you know it really to be. 

To break an appointment is the height of ill-man- 



BUSINESS. 305 

ners, in any case; but to break an appointment with 
a business man, is likev/ise a positive wrong. How 
little do you know what sacrifices he may be making 
to keep his engagement good. 

When circumstances inevitably prevent your keep- 
ing an appointment, at once write, or, what is still 
better, send a special message to that effect. 

Make it a rule to reply to all letters immediately. 

Never even glance at any mercantile book or pa- 
per which may accidentally be left open before you. 

Do not listen to any business conversation carried 
on by persons near you, and which they evidently 
don't desire you to overhear. 

Do not inflict upon a mere business acquaintance 
a tedious recital of your gains and losses. Every 
man has just as much of his own affairs to think 
about as he cares to employ his mind upon. 

It may seem a trite remark, but true politeness is 
often shown by not neglecting to "shut the door." 

Call on a business man at business times only, and 
on business; transact your business, and go about 
your business, in order to give him time to finish his 
business. 





ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 

CHAPTER 24. 

NE of the pleasant customs which 
is coming into general favor is 
that of celebrating anniversary 
weddings. Special anniversa- 
ries are designated by special 
names, indicating the presents 
suitable on each occasion. 

THE PAPER WEDDING. 

The first anniversary is called the paper wed- 
ding. The invitations to this wedding should be 
issued on a gray paper, representing thin card- 
board. 

Presents from the guests are appropriate, but not 
by any means obligatory. These presents, if given, 
should be only of articles made of paper. Thus, boxes 
of note-paper and envelopes, books, sheets of music, 
engravings and delicate knickknacks of papier mache 
are all appropriate for this occasion. 

THE WOODEN WEDDING. 

We celebrate the wooden wedding on the fifth an- 
niversary of the marriage. The invitations for 

306 



ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 307 

this wedding, if it is desired to make them appro- 
priate to the occasion, should be upon thin cards of 
wood. They may also be written on a sheet of wed- 
ding note-paper, and a card of wood enclosed in the 
envelope. 

The presents suitable to this occasion are very 
numerous, and may range from a wooden paper- 
knife or trifling article for kitchen use up to a com- 
plete set of chamber or parlor furniture. 

THE TIN WEDDING. 

The tenth anniversary of the marriage calls for 
the tin wedding. The invitations for this anniver- 
sary may be made upon cards covered with tin-foil, 
or upon the ordinary wedding note-paper, with a 
tin card enclosed. 

Those guests, who desire to accompany their con- 
gratulations with appropriate presents, have the 
whole list of articles manufactured by the tinner 
irom which to select. 

THE CRYSTAL WEDDING. 

Next in order comes the crystal wedding being 
the fifteenth anniversary. Invitations to this wed- 
ding may be on thin transparent paper, on colored 
sheets of prepared gelatine or on ordinary wedding 
note-paper, enclosing a sheet of mica. 

The guests make their offerings to their host and 
hostess of trifles of glass, which are more or less 
valuable, as the donor feels inclined. 



308 ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 

THE CHINA WEDDING. 

The china wedding takes place on the twen- 
tieth anniversary of the wedding-day. Invitations 
to this anniversary wedding should be issued on 
exceedingly fine, semi-transparent note-paper or 
cards. 

Various articles for the dining or tea-table or for 
the toilet-stand, vases or mantel ornaments, all are 
appropriate on this occasion. 

THE SILVER WEDDING. 

The silver wedding is celebrated on the twenty- 
fifth marriage anniversary. The invitations given 
for this wedding should be upon the finest note-pa- 
per, printed in bright silver, with monogram or 
crest upon both paper and envelope, in silver also. 

If presents are offered by any of the guests, they 
should be of silver, and may be mere trifles or more 
expensive, as the means and inclinations of the do- 
nors incline them to present. 

THE GOLDEN WEDDING. 

At the close of the fiftieth year of married life is 
the time for the golden wedding. Fifty years of 
married happiness should indeed be crowned with 
gold. 

The invitations for this anniversary celebration 
should be printed on the finest note-paper in gold, 
with crest or monogram on both envelope and pa- 



ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 309 

per in highly-burnished gold. The presents, if any, 
are also in gold. 

THE DIAMOND WEDDING. 

Few, there are that celebrate their diamond wed- 
ding. This is celebrated on the seventy-fifth anni- 
versary of the marriage-day. So rare is this occur- 
rence that custom has given us no particular style 
or form to be observed in the invitations. These 
invitations may be issued upon diamond-shaped 
cards, enclosed in envelopes of a corresponding 
shape. There can be no general offering of presents 
at such a wedding, since diamonds in any number 
are beyond the means of most persons. 

PRESENTS AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 

It is not required that an invitation to an anni- 
versary wedding be acknowledged by a valuable 
gift, or indeed by any. The donors on such occa- 
sions are usually only members of the family or in- 
timate friends. 

On the celebration of golden or silver weddings 
it is a good plan to have printed at the bottom of 
the invitation the words "No presents," or to enclose 
a card reading thus: 

"It is preferred that no wedding gifts be offered." 

It is perfectly proper, though, not at all obliga- 
tory, at the earlier anniversaries to present trifles in 
paper, wood, tin, glass or china, which, if well chos- 
en, often add to the amusement and sociability of 
the evening. 



310 ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 

INVITATIONS TO ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 

Invitations of this character vary somewhat in 
wording, depending largely upon the fancy of the 
writer, but must embody certain similar features, 
such as date of marriage, what anniversary, date and 
place of anniversary, etc. 

The following is a good form : 

18661891. 
The pleasure of your company is requested at the 

Silver Wedding Inception 

of 

Mr. & Mrs. Grover Cleveland, 

Thursday Evening, CMay 14, at nine o'clock, 
346 Grand Av. t N. Y. C. 

R. S. V. P. 

This form is equally suitable for any anniversary 
by varying the dates and inserting instead of " silver," 
the word "paper," "wooden," "tin," "crystal," 
" china," " golden," or " diamond." 

THE CEREMONY. 

It is quite common to have the marriage cere- 
mony repeated at these anniversary weddings, more 



ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 311 

especially at the silver or golden wedding. The 
earlier anniversaries are rather too trivial occasions 
upon which to introduce this ceremony, especially 
since the parties may not yet have had sufficient 
time to discover whether an application for divorce 
may not yet be deemed necessary by one or the other. 
But there is a certain impressiveness in seeing a hus- 
band and wife who have remained faithful to each 
other for a quarter or half a century publicly re- 
newing their vows of fidelity and love, which then 
can only mean "till death us do part." The clergy- 
man who officiates on this occasion will of course so 
change the exact words of the marriage ceremony 
as to make them perfectly appropriate to the occa* 
sion, 





FUNERALS. 

CHAPTER 25. 

HE hired mutes and heavy trap- 
pings of woe which are still in 
use at funerals in England are 
entirely abandoned in this 
country. 

All manner of ostentation 
should be carefully avoided. 
Mourning is rejected by many 
persons of intelligence, who think it a temptation to 
extravagance, and who regard it, moreover, as requir- 
ing too much thought and trouble when the mind is 
ovewhelmed with real grief. 

INVITATIONS TO A FUNERAL. 

On the mournful occasion when death takes place, 
the most proper course is to announce the decease in 
the newspaper. An intimation that friends will kindly 
accept such notice, appended to the announcement, 
saves a large amount of painful correspondence. 

Near relations, and those whose presence is desired 
at the funeral, should be communicated with by let- 
ter, upou mourning paper ; the depth of the mourn- 

312 



FUNERALS. G13 

ing border depending on the age, or position, of the 
deceased. 

Private invitations are usually printed in forms 
something like the following: 

" You are respectfully invited to attend the funeral 
of John Jones on Friday, June 3, 18 , at 11 A. M,, 
from his late residence, 417 Washington street (or 
from Grace M. E. Church.) To proceed to Grace- 
wood Cemetery. 

These invitations should be delivered by a pri- 
vate messenger. 

Whether other invitations are sent or not, notes 
must be sent to those who are desired to act as pall- 
bearers. 

CHARGE OP AFFAIRS AT A FUNERAL. 

The arrangements for the funeral are usually left 
to the undertaker, who best knows how to proceed, 
and who will save the family of the deceased all 
the cares and annoyances at the time they are least 
fitted to meet them. 

Such details as usually do not fall to the under- 
taker are entrusted to some relative or friend who 
is acquainted with business. This friend should have 
an interview with the family or some representative 
of it, and learn what their wishes may be and re- 
ceive from them a limit of expenses. 

EXPENSE OF FUNERAL. 
As to this limit, let it be born in mind that it 



314 FUNERALS. 

should alwaysbe according to the means of the fami- 
ly; that nothing can excuse an extravagance and dis- 
play at a funeral which must be indulged in at the 
expense of privation afterward, or perhaps, worse 
still, at that of the creditors. Pomp and display 
are at all times out of keeping with the solemn occa- 
sion and inconsistent with real grief 

GENERAL RULES OF ETIQUETTE CONCERNING 
HOUSES OF MOURNING. 

No one should call upon a bereaved family while 
the dead remains in the house, and they are excus- 
able if they refuse to see friends and relatives. 

Upon a death occurring in a house, it is desirable 
that some outward sign should be given to keep 
away casual visitors. The usual means of doing 
this is by tying black crape upon the bell or door- 
knob, with a black ribbon if the person is married 
or advanced in years, with a white one if young and 
unmarried. The customs of different localities des- 
ignate when this crape should be removed. 

CONVEYANCES FOR A FUNERAL. 
For those friends specially invited, carriages should 
be furnished to take them to the cemetery. A list 
of invited persons should be given to the undertak- 
er, that he may know the order in which they, are to 
be placed in the carriages. 

EXHIBITING THE CORPSE. 
If the guests are invited to go from the house to 



FUNERALS. 315 

the church, the corpse is usually exposed in the 
drawing-room, while the family are assembled in 
another apartment. If the guests go directly to the 
church, the coffin is placed in front of the chancel, 
and after the services the lid is removed and friends 
pass up one aisle, past the coffin, from the feet to the 
head, and down the other aisle out. 

RECEIVING GUESTS AT A FUNERAL. 
If the services are held at the house, some near 
friend or relative will receive the guests. The ladies 
of the family do not show themselves at all. The 
gentleman may do as they please. 

PROCEEDING TO THE CEMETERY. 

The procession moves from the door just one hour 
after the time set for the funeral. 

In England the male friends only, follow the corpse 
to its final resting place. In this country it is prop- 
er for the female friends and relatives to do so if they 
desire it, as they generally do. 

The carriage occupied by the clergyman precedes 
the hearse. The carriage immediately following the 
hearse is occupied by the nearest relatives, the fol- 
lowing carriages by the more remote relations. 

While the mourners pass out to enter the carria- 
ges the guests stand with uncovered heads. No sal- 
utations are given or received. The person who has 
been selected to officiate as superintendent of cere- 
monies assists the mourners to enter and alight from 
the carriages, 



316 FUNERALS. 

Sometimes the private carriage of the deceased is 
placed in the procession, empty, immediately behind 
the hearsa 

The horse of a deceased mounted officer, fully 
equipped and draped in mourning, may be led im- 
mediately after the hearse. 

In towns and villages where the cemetery is near 
at hand it is customary for all to proceed to it on 
foot. The hat must be removed when the coffin is 
carried from the hearse to the church or back, when 
the guests may form a double line, between which 
it passes. 

At the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in 
advance of the coffin. 

FLOWERS AT A FUNERAL. 

It is the custom to deck the corpse and coffin 
with flowers, but it is some what expensive. Upon the 
coffin of an infant or a young person a wreath of 
flowers should be placed, upon that of a married 
person a cross. These flowers should always fee 
white. Friends sending flowers should send them 
in time to be used for decorative purposes. 

OTHER DECORATIONS UPON THE COFFIN. 

If the deceased be a person of rank he generally 
bears some insignia of his rank upon his coffin-lid. 
Thus, a deceased army or naval officer will have 
his coffin covered with the national flag, and his hat, 
epaulettes, sword and sash laid upon the lid. 



FUNERALS. 317 

AFTER THE FUNERAL. 

Guests should not return to the house of mourn- 
ing after the funeral. "In some sections it is cus- 
tomary to conclude the ceremonies of the day with 
a dinner or banquet, but this is grossly out of place 
and not to be tolerated by any one of common sense 
and refinement. If friends have come from a dis- 
tance, it may sometimes be a matter of necessity to 
extend a brief hospitality to them; but if the guests 
can avoid this necessity, they should do so. This 
hospitality should be of the quietest sort, and in no 
manner become an entertainment. 

It is the cruelest blow which can be given be- 
reaved friends to fill the house with strangers or in- 
different acquaintances and the sound of feasting at 
a time when they desire of all things to be left alone 
with their sorrw." 

NOTIFICATION OF DEATH. 

An English custom, which is beginning to be 
adopted in America, is to send cards deeply edged 
in black to relatives and friends upon which are 
printed or engraved the name of the deceased, with 
his age and date of his death. These cards must 
be immediately acknowledged by letters of condo- 
lence and offers of assistance, but on no account by 
personal visits within a short time after the fu- 
neral. 

OBLIGATION TO ATTEND A FUNERAL. 
Every one except those who are themselves in 



318 FUNE&ALS. 

deep affliction are under obligation to attend a fu 
neral to which they have been invited. 

SECLUSION OF THE BEREAVED FAMILY. 

No one of the immediate family of the deceased 

should leave the house between the time of the 

death and the funeral. A lady friend should make 

all necessary purchases and engage seamstresses, etc. 

PERIOD OF MOURNING. 

On this subject we quote from a modern writer 
who says: 

"Those who wish to show themselves strict obser- 
vers of etiquette keep their houses in twilight se- 
clusion and sombre with mourning for a year, or 
more, allowing the piano to remain closed for the 
same length of time. But in this close observance 
of the letter of the law its spirit is lost 'entirely. 

It is not desirable to enshroud ourselves in gloom 
after a bereavement, no matter how great it has been. 
It is our duty to ourselves and to the world to re- 
gain our cheerfulness as soon as we may, and all 
that conduces to this we are religiously bound to ac- 
cept, whether it be music, the bright light of heaven, 
cheerful clothing or the society of friends. 

At all events, the moment we begin to chafe 
against the requirements of etiquette, grow wearied 
of the darkened room, long for the open piano and 
look forward impatiently to the time when we may 
lay aside our mourning, from that moment we are 



PVNERALS. 319 

slaves to a law which was originally made to serve 
us in allowing us to do unquestioned what was sup- 
posed to be in true harmony with our gloomy feel- 
ings. 

The woman who wears the badge of widowhood 
for exactly two years to a day, and then puts it off 
suddenly for ordinary colors, and who possibly has 
already contracted an engagement for a second mar- 
riage during these two years of supposed mourning, 
confesses to a slavish hypocrisy in making an osten- 
tatious show of a grief which has long since died a 
natural (and shall we not say a desirable?) death. 

In these respects let us be natural, and let us 
moreover, remember that, though the death of 
friends brings us real and heartfelt sorrow, yet it is 
still a time for rejoicing for their sakes." 





DRESS. 

CHAPTER 26. 

ELL-BRED people give care- 
ful attention to their per- 
sonal appearance. If vanity, 
pride or prudery have fre- 
quently given to these atten- 
tions the names of coquetry, 
ambition or folly, it is no 
reason why they should be 
neglected. 

FIRST IMPRESSIONS. 

First impressions are apt to be permanent ; it is there- 
fore of importance that they should be favorable. The 
dress of an individual is that circumstance from which 
you first form your opinion of him. It is even more 
prominent than manner. It is indeed the only thing 
which is remarked in a casual encounter, or during 
the first interview. 

What style is to our thoughts, dress is to our per- 
sons. It may supply the place of more solid qualities, 
and without it the most solid are of little avail. Num- 
bers have owed their elevation to their attention to the 
toilet. Place, fortune, marriage have all been lost by 
neglecting it. 

320 



DRESS. 321 

CONSISTENCY IN DKESS. 

Your dress should always be consistent with your 
age and your natural exterior. That which looks 
ill on one person, will be agreeable on another. As 
success in this respect depends almost entirely upon 
particular circumstances and personal peculiarities, 
it is impossible to give general directions of much 
importance. We can only point out the field for 
study and research, it belongs to each one's own 
genius and industry to deduce the results. Howev- 
er ugly you may be, rest assured that there is some 
style of habiliment which will make you passable. 

PLAIN DRESSING. 

The plainest dress is always the most genteel, and 
a lady that dresses plainly will never be dressed un- 
fashionably. 

Next to plainness in every well-dressed lady is 
neatness of dress and taste in the selection of colors. 

Too RICH DRESSING. 

If we were allowed to say anything to the ladies 
concerning dress in a dictatorial way, and were sure 
of being obeyed, we should order them generally to 
dress less. How often do we see a female attired in 
the height of fashion, perfectly gorgeous in costume, 
sweeping along the dusty street, perspiring under 
the weight of her finery dressed, in fact, in a man- 
ner fit only for a carriage. This is a very mistaken 



322 DRESS. 

and absurd fashion, and such people would be as- 
tonished to see the simplicity of real aristocracy ai 
regards dress. 

ELEGANT DRESSING. 

Some ladies perhaps imagining that they are defi- 
cient in personal charms and we are willing to be- 
lieve that there are such, although the Chesterfield- 
ian school of philosophers would ridicule the idea 
endeavor to make their clothes the spell of their at- 
traction. With this end in view, they labor by lav- 
ish expenditure to supply in expensive adornment 
what they lack in beauty of form or feature. Un- 
fortunately for their success, elegant dressing does 
not depend upon expense. A lady might wear the 
costliest silks that Italy could produce, adorn herself 
with laces from Brussels which years of patient toil 
are required to fabricate; she might carry the jewels 
of an Eastern princess around her neck and upon 
her wrists and fingers, yet still, in appearance, be es- 
sentially vulgar. These were as nothing without 
grace, without adaptation, without a harmonious 
blending of colors, without the exercise of discrim- 
ination and good taste. 

APPROPRIATE AND BECOMING DRESS. 

The most appropriate and becoming dress is that 

which so harmonizes with the figure as to make the 

apparel unobserved. When any particular portion 

of it excites the attention, there is a defect, for the 



DRESS. 323 

details should not present themselves first but the 
result of perfect dressing should be an elegant woman, 
the dress commanding no especial regard. Men are 
but indifferent judges of the material of a lady's 
dress; in fact, they care nothing about the matter. 
A modest countenance and pleasing figure, habited 
in an inexpensive attire, would win more attention 
from men, than awkwardness and effrontery, clad in 
the richest satins and the costliest gems. 

NEGLECT OF DRESS. 

There are occasionally to be found among both 
sexes, persons who neglect their dress through a ri- 
diculous affectation of singularity, and who take 
pride in being thought utterly indifferent to their 
personal appearance. Millionaires are very apt to 
manifest this characteristic, but with them it gener- 
ally arises through a miserly penuriousness of dis- 
position; their imitators, however, are even more de- 
ficient than they in common sense. 

HABITUAL ATTENTION TO ATTIRE. 

Lavater has urged that persons habitually atten- 
tive to their attire, display the same regularity in 
their domestic affairs. He also says: "Young wom- 
en who neglect their toilet and manifest little con- 
cern about dress, indicate a general disregard of 
order a mind but ill adapted to the details of house- 
keeping a deficiency of taste and of the qualities 
that inspire love." 



324 VJRES& 

i 

AN AMIABLE EXTERIOR. 

The desire of exhibiting an amiable exterior is 
essentially requisite in a young lady, for it indicates 
cleanliness, sweetness, a love of order and propriety, 
and all those virtues which are attractive to their 
associates, and particularly to those of the other sex. 

Chesterfield asserts that a sympathy goes through 
every action of our lives, and that he could not help 
conceiving some idea of people's sense and character 
from the dress in which they appeared when intro- 
duced to him. 

Another writer has remarked that he never yet 
met with a woman whose general style of dress was 
chaste, elegant and appropriate, that he did not 
find her on further acquaintance to be, in dispo- 
sition and mind, an object to admire and love. 

DRESS T&E APPROPRIATE FINISH OF BEAUTY. 

The fair sex have the reputation of being passion- 
ately fond of dress, and the love of it has been said 
to be natural to women. We are not disposed to 
deny it, but we do not regard it as a weakness nor a 
peculiarity to be condemned. Dress is the appro- 
priate finish of beauty. Some one has said that, 
"Without dress a handsome person is a gem, but a 
gem that is not set, But dress," he further remarks, 
"must be consistent with the graces and with na- 
ture. 



DRESS. 32* 

TASTE. 

"Taste," says a celebrated divine, "requires a con- 
gruity between the internal character and the exter- 
nal appearance; the imagination will involuntarily 
form to itself an idea of such a correspondence. 
First ideas are, in general, of considerable conse- 
quence. I should therefore think it wise in the fe 
male world to take care that their appearance should 
not convey a forbidding idea to the most superficial 
observer." 

SIMPLICITY IN DKESS. 

As we have already remarked, the secret of per* 
feet dressing is simplicity, costliness being no essen- 
tial element of real elegance. We have to add that 
everything depends upon the judgment and good 
taste of the wearer. These should always be a har- 
monious adaptation of one article of attire to anoth- 
er, as also to the size, figure and complexion of the 
wearer. There should be a correspondence in all 
parts of a lady's toilet, so as to present a perfect en* 
tirety. Thus, when we see a female of light, deli* 
cate complexion, penciling her eyebrows until they 
are positively black, we cannot but entertain a con- 
tempt for her lack of taste and good sense. There 
is a harmony in nature's tints which art can never 
equal, much less improve. 

DELICACY AND HARMONY. 
A fair face is generally accompanied by blue eyest, 



326 DltESS. 

light hair, eyebrows and lasses. There is a delica* 
cy and harmonious blending of correspondences 
which are in perfect keeping; but if you sully the 
eyebrows with blackness, you destroy all similitude 
of feature and expression, and almost present a de- 
formity. 

USING PAINTS. 

We cannot but allude to the practice of using 
paints, a habit strongly to be condemned. If for no 
other reason than that poison lurks beneath every 
layer, inducing paralytic affections and premature 
death, they should be discarded but they are a dis- 
guise which deceives no one, even at a distance; 
there is a ghastly deathliness in the appearance of 
the skin after it has been painted, which is far re- 
moved from the natural hue of health. 

COLOR AND COMPLEXION. 

A lady has to consider whai colors best suit her 
complexion. Blue, for instance, never looks well 
upon those of a dark complexion; nor pink upon 
those of a florid complexion. Yellow is a very try- 
ing color, and can only be worn by the rich-toned 
brunettes. Attention to these particulars is most 
important. Longitudinal stripes in a lady's dress 
make her appear taller than she really is, and are, 
therefore, appropriate for a person of short stature. 
Flounces give brevity to the figure, and are there' 
fore only adapted to tall persons. 



327 

Every article of dress should be well made, how- 
ever plain the style, or inexpensive the material, 

DRESS TO SUIT THE OCCASION. 

The dress should always be adapted to the occa- 
sion. Nothing is more proper for the morning than 
a loosely made dress, high in the neck, with sleeves 
fastened at the wrist with a band, and belt. It looks 
well, and is convenient. For a walking dress, the 
skirt should be allowed only just to touch the ground; 
for While a train looks well in the drawing-room/ 
and is inconspicuous in a carriage or opera-box, it 
serves a very ignoble purpose in sweeping the street. 
Ladies' shoes for walking should be substantial, 
to keep the feet dry and warm. If neatly made 
and well fitted, they need not be clumsy. 

Hats are now fashionable for morning walks, and 
they are both pretty and convenient. 

EVENING DRESS. 

Evening dress means full dress, in the common 
acceptation of the term. It will serve for dinner, 
opera, evening-party, everything but the ball. Ball 
dresses are special. With regard to evening dress 
and ball dress no explicit directions can be given. 
The fashion-books declare what is to be worn, and 
the dressmaker is the interpreter of the fashion. 
Still, individual taste should be exerted, and no 
slavish adherance given in to fashion at the sacri- 
fice of grace or elegance. 



328 DRESS. 

BRIGHT-COLORED GLOVES. 

Deep and bright-colored gloves are always in bad 
taste; very few persons are careful enough in select- 
ing gloves. Light boots and dark dresses, dark 
boots and light dresses, are indicative of bad taste. 
A girl with neatly and properly dressed feet, with 
neat, well-fitting gloves, smoothly-arranged hair, and 
a clean well-made dress, who walks well, and speaks 
well, and above all, acts politely and kindly, is a 
lady. Fine acts and obtrusive airs are abashed be- 
fore such propriety and good taste. Fine feathers 
do not always make fine birds. 

NEVER DRESS ABOVE YOUR STATION. 

Never dress above your station; it is a grevious 
mistake, and leads to great evils, besides being the 
proof of an utter want of taste. 

Care more for the nice fitting of your dress than 
for its material. An ill-made silk is not equal in its 
appearance to the plainest material well made. 

THINKING ABOUT YOUR DRESS. 

Never appear to be thinking about your dress, but 
wear the richest clothes and the plainest with equal 
simplicity. Nothing so destroys a good manner as 
thinking of what we have on. Never keep a morn- 
ing visitor waiting while you change your dress. 
You ought always to be fit to be seen; and it is bet- 
ter to present yourself in your ordinary attire than 



DRESS. 329 

to be guilty of the ill-breeding of keeping your ac- 
quaintance waiting while you make an elaborate 
toilette. 

Never spend more than you can afford on your 
dress; but endeavor by care, neatness, and ingenui- 
ty, to make up for expenditure. 

MORNING-DRESS FOR HOME. 

A dress for morning wear at home may be more 
simple than for visiting, or for hotel or boarding- 
house. A busy housewife will find it desirable to 
protect her dress with an ample apron. The hair 
should be plainly arranged, without ornament. 

MORNING-DRESS FOR VISITOR. 

For breakfasting in public or at the house of a friend 
a wrapper is not allowable. A dress with a closely- 
fitting waist should be worn. This for summer may 
be of cambric, or other wash-goods, either white or 
figured; in winter plain woolen goods, simply made 
should be adopted. 

MORNING-DRESS FOR STREET. 

The morning-dress for the street should be plain 
in color and make, and of serviceable material. 
The dress should be short enough to clear the ground. 
White skirts are out of place, the colored ones now 
found everywhere in stores being much more appro- 
priate. 

In stormy weather a large waterproof with hood 



330 DRESS. 

will be found more convenient than an umbrella, 
which is troublesome to carry and often difficult to 
manage. 

The hat should be plain and inexpensive, match- 
ing the dress as nearly as possible, and displaying 
no superfluous ornament. 

Jewelry is out of place in any of t*he errands 
which take a lady from her home in the morning. 
Lisle thread gloves in summer and cloth ones in 
winter will be found more serviceable than kid ones. 
Linen collar and cuffs are more suitable than elab- 
orate neck and wrist dressing. Walking-boots of 
kid should be worn. 

BUSINESS WOMAN'S DRESS. 

There are many women who are engaged in busi- 
ness of some sort that it seems necessary that they 
should have a distinct dress suited to their special 
wants. This dress need not be so peculiar as to 
mark them for objects of observation, but still it 
should differ from the ordinary walking-costume. 
Its material as a rule should, be more serviceable, 
better fitted to endure the vicissitudes of weather, 
and of plain colors, such as browns or grays. 

For winter wear, waterproof tastefully made up is 
the very best material for a business woman's dress. 

This costume should not be made with plain sim- 
plicity, but it should at least dispense with all su- 
perfluities in the way of trimming. It should be 
made with special reference to easy locomotion and 
to the free use of the hands and arms. 



DRESS. 331 

THE PROMENADE. 

The dress for the promenade admits of greater 
richness in material and variety in trimming than 
that of the business or errand dress. It should how- 
ever, display no two incongruous colors, and had 
best be in one tint, except where a contrasting or 
harmonizing color is introduced in the way of or- 
nament. 

In the country walking-dresses must be made for 
service rather than display, and what would be per- 
fectly appropriate for the streets of a city would be 
entirely out of place on the muddy, unpaved walks 
or paths of a small town or among the unpretend- 
ing population of a country neighborhood. 

MATERIAL OF A WALKING SUIT. 

The material of a walking-suit may be as rich or 
as plain as the wearer's taste may dictate or means 
justify, but it must always be well made and never 
be allowed to grow shabby. It is better to avoid 
bright colors and use them only in decoration. 
Black has come to be adopted very generally for 
street-dresses; but while it is becoming for most in- 
dividuals, it gives to the promenade a somewhat som- 
bre look. 

The dress for the promenade should be in perfect 
harmony with itself. One article should not be new 
and another shabby. The gloves should not be of 
one color, the bonnet of another, and the parasol of 



332 DRESS. 

a third. All the colors worn should at least har- 
monize. 

A lady who wishes to maintain a reputation for 
always being well dressed will be scrupulous in suit- 
ing her toilet to the special occasion for which it is 
worn. She will not appear on foot upon the streets 
in a dress suited only for the carriage, nor will she 
either walk or drive in a costume appropriate alone 
for the house. 

CARRIAGE-DRESS. 

The dress for a drive through the streets of a city 
or along a fashionable drive or park can not be too 
rich in material. Silks, velvets and laces are all ap- 
propriate, with rich jewelry and costly furs. 

The carriage-dress may be long enough to trail 
if fashion so indicates, though many prefer using the 
walking-dress length. 

For country driving a different style of dress is 
required as protection against the mud or dust. It 
seems hardly necessary to describe the dress for 
country driving, we presume every lady is capable 
of selecting for herself, since the dress is worn for 
protection and not for show. 

RIDING-DRESS. 

There is no place where a woman appears to bet- 
ter advantage than upon horseback. We will take 
it for granted that our lady has acquired properly 
the art of riding. Next she must be provided with 



DRESS. 333 

a suitable habit. Her habit should fit perfectly 
without being tight. The skirt should be full and 
long enough to cover the feet, while it is best to omit 
the extreme length, which subjects the dress to mud- 
spatterings and may prove a serious entanglement 
in case of accident. 

Waterproof is the most serviceable for a riding 
costume. Something lighter may be worn in sum- 
mer. In the lighter costume a row or two of shot 
should be stitched in the bottom of the breadths to 
keep the skirt from blowing up in the wind. 

The riding-dress should be made to fit the waist 
closely and buttoned nearly to the throat. 

Coat sleeves should come to the wrist, with linen 
cuffs beneath them. 

It is well to have the waist attached to a skirt of 
the usual length and the long skirt fastened over it^ 
so that if any mishap obliges the lady to dismount 
she may easily remove the long overskirt and still be 
properly dressed. 

The shape of the hat will vary with the fashion, 
but it should always be plainly trimmed; and if 
feathers are worn, they must be fastened so that the 
wind cannot possibly blow them over the wearer's 
eyes. 

All ruffling, puffing or bows in the trimming of 
a riding-dress is out of place. If trimming is used 
it should be put on in perfectly flat bands or be of 
braiding. 

The hair must be put up compactly, neither curls 



334 DRESS. 

nor veil should be allowed to stream in the wind. 
No jewelry except what is absolutely required to fas- 
ten the dress, and that of the plainest kind, is allow- 
able. 

DRESS FOR RECEIVING CALLS. 

The dress of a hostess differs with the occasion 
on which she is called to receive her callers, and 
also with the social position and means of the 
wearer. 

A lady whose mornings are devoted to domestic 
affairs may and should receive a casual caller in her 
ordinary morning-dress, which should be neat yet 
plain, devoid of superfluous ornaments or jewelry 

If a lady appoints a special day for the reception 
of calls, she should be dressed with more care to do 
honor to her visitors. Her dress may be of silk or 
other goods suitable to the season or to her position, 
but must be of plain colors. 

White plain linen collar and cuffs belong to the 
plain morning-dress; lace may be worn with the cer- 
emonious dress, and a certain amount of jewelry is 
also admissible. 

For New Year's or other special calls the dress 
should be rich, and may be elaborately trimmed. 

DRESS OF HOSTESS. 

The hostess' dress should be rich in material, but 
subdued in tone, in order that she may not eclipse 
any of her guests. A young hostess should wear a 



&RES8. 335 

dress of rich silk, black or dark in color, with collar 
and cuffs of fine lace, and plain jewelry, or, if the 
dinner is by gaslight, glittering stones. 

An elderly lady may wear satin or velvet) with 
rich lace. 

DINNER-DRESS. 

We do not in this country, as in England, expose 
the neck and arms at a dinner-party. These should 
be covered, if not by the dress itself, then by lace or 
muslin overwaist. 

DRESS OF GUESTS AT DINNER-PARTY. 

The dress of a guest at a dinner-party is less 
showy than that for evening; still, it may be rich. 
Silks and velvets for winter, and light goods for sum- 
mer, which latter may be worn over silk, are the 
most appropriate. 

Young unmarried ladies may wear dresses of 
lighter materials and tints than married ones. Mid- 
dle-aged and married ladies should wear silks heav- 
ier in quality and richer in tone, and elderly ladies 
satins and velvets. 

All the light neutral tints and black, purple, dark 
green, garnet, dark blue, brown and fawn are suited 
for dinner dress. But whatever color the dress may 
be, it is best to try its effect by gaslight and day- 
light both, since many a color which will look well 
in daylight may look extremely ugly in gaslight. 

A lady can lay no claim to delicacy and refine- 



336 DRESS. 

ment no matter how richly or well dressed she may 
appear in public, if she do not give an equal amount 
of attention to her home-dress. This dress need not 
be expensive and should not be elaborate, but neat, 
tasteful, of perfect fit and becoming colors. 

ORDINARY EVENING-DRESS. 

A lady should always be prepared for casual call- 
ers in the evening. Her dress should be tasteful 
and becoming, made with a certain amount of or- 
nament and worn with lace and jewelry. Silks are 
the most appropriate for this dress, but all the heavy 
woolen fabrics for winter and the lighter lawns and 
organdies for summer, elegantly made, are suitable. 

The colors should be rich and warm for winter, 
and knots of bright ribbon should be worn in the 
hair and at the throat. The former should be dress- 
ed plainly, with no ornament save a ribbon. Arti- 
ficial flowers are out of place, and glittering gems 
are only worn on more important occasions. 

DRESS FOR EVENING CALL. 

Those who make a casual evening call will dress 
in similar style, though somewhat more elaborate. 
A hood should not be worn unless it is intended to 
remove it during the call. Otherwise a bonnet 
should be worn. 

DRESS FOR SOCIAL PARTY. 
For the evening-party the rules just given regard- 



DRESS. 337 

ing dress will apply, except that more latitude is 
allowed in the choice of colors, trimmings, etc. 
Dresses covering the arms and shoulders should be 
worn; or if they are cut low in the neck and with 
short sleeves, puffed illusion waists or something 
similar should be used to cover the neck and arms. 
Dark silks are very dressy relieved by white lace 
and glittering gems they are admirable. Wearing 
gloves is optional. If worn, they should be of some 
light tint harmonizing with the dress. 

THE SOIREE AND BALL. 

These occasions call for the richest dress. The 
former usually requires dark colors and heavy 
material, the latter lighter tints and goods. The 
richest velvets, the brightest and most delicate tints 
in silks, the most expensive laces, low neck and 
short sleeves, elaborate head-dress, the greatest dis- 
play of gems, flowers, etc., all belong more or less to 
these occasions. 

Still, it is possible to be over-dressed. It is best to 
aim at being as well dressed as the rest, yet not to 
outdo them or render one's self conspicuous. 

White kid gloves and white satin boots belong to 
these costumes unless the overdress is of black lace, 
when black satin boots or slippers are required. 

The dress to be worn in public should always be 
suited to the place where it is to appear. For church 
the material should be rich rather than showy. Fo* 
the opera the extreme of brilliancy is allowable. 



338 DJRESSL 

DRESS FOR CHURCH. 

The dress for church should be plain and simple, 
It should be of dark, plain colors for winter, and 
there should be no superfluous trimming or jewelry. 
It should, in fact, be the plainest of promenade- 
dresses, since church is not a place for the display 
of elaborate toilets, and no woman of consideration 
would wish to make her own expensive and showy 
toilet an excuse to another woman, who could not 
afford to dress in a similar manner, for not attend- 
ing church. 

DRESS FOR THE THEATRE. 

The ordinary promenade-dress is suitable for the 
theatre, with the addition of a handsome shawl or 
cloak, which may be thrown aside if uncomfortable. 
Either the bonnet or hat may be worn. In some 
cities it is customary to remove the bonnet in the 
theatre a custom which is sanctioned by good sense 
and a consideration of those who sit behind, but 
which has not yet the authority of etiquette. The 
dress should be, in all respects, plain, without any 
attempt at display. Gloves should be dark, and har- 
monize with the costume. 

DRESS FOR LECTURE AND CONCERT. 
Lecture and concert-halls call for a little more 
elaborate toilet. Silk is the most appropriate mate- 
rial for the dress, and should be worn with lace col- 
lar and cuffs and jewelry. White or light kid gloves 



DHJSS& 339 

should be worn. A rich shawl or opera cloak is an 
appropriate finish. The latter may be kept on the 
shoulders during the evening. The handkerchief 
should be fine and delicate; the fan of a color to 
harmonize with the dress. 

DRESS FOR THE OPERA. 

The opera calls out the richest of all dresses. A 
lady goes to the opera not only to see but to be seen, 
and her dress must be adopted with a full realiza- 
tion of the thousand gaslights which will bring out 
its merits or defects. 

The material of the dress should be heavy enough 
to bear the crush of the place, rich in color and 
splendid in its arrangement. The headdress should 
be of flowers, ribbons, lace or feathers whatever 
may be the prevailing style the head should be 
uncovered. If, however, it is found necessary to 
have the head protected, a bonnet or hat of the light- 
est character should be worn. 



Jewelry of the heaviest and richest description is 
worn on this occasion, and there is no place^where 
the glitter of gems will be seen to better advantage. 

White kid gloves or those of light delicate tints 
should be worn. 

A most important adjunct to an opera-costume is 
the cloak or wrap. This may be of white or of some 
brilliant color. Scarlet and gold, white and gold, 
green and gold or Roman stripe are all very effect* 
ive when worn with appropriate dresses. 



340 

Either black or white lace may be adopted with 
advantage in an opera-dress. Purple, pink, orangf 
and most light tints require black lace, while tht 
neutral shades may be worn with either black or 
white. 

Yellow and blue should be avoided in an opera- 
dress, as neither bears the light well. Green re- 
quires gold as a contrasting color; crimson, black. 

The fan, the bouquet and handkerchief must all 
have due consideration and be in keeping with the 
other portions of the dress. Thus a lady in pink 
should avoid a bouquet in which scarlet flowers pre- 
dominate. 

CROQUET AND SKATING COSTUMES. 

Both call for a greater brilliancy in color than 
any other out-of-door costume. They should both be 
short, displaying a handsomely fitting boot. 

Croquet gloves should be soft and washable; skat- 
ing gloves thick and warm. 

The hat for croquet should have a broad brim, so 
as to shield the face from the sun and render a par- 
asol unnecessary. 

Velvet trimmed with fur, with turban hat of the 
same, and gloves and boots also fur bordered, com- 
bine to make the most elegant skating costume im- 
aginable. But any of the soft, warm, bright-colored 
woolen fabrics are quite as suitable, if not so rich. 
A costume of Scotch plaid is in excellent taste. Silk 
is unsuitable for a skating costume. 



DRESS. 341 

The boot should be amply loose, or the wearer will 
suffer with cold or frozen feet. 

COSTUMES FOR COUNTRY AND SEA-SIDE. 

We cannot give a full description of the ward- 
robe which the lady of fashion desires to take with 
her to the country or sea-side. But there are a few 
general rules which apply to many things, and which 
all must more or less observe. Let the wardrobe be 
ever so large there must be a certain number of 
costumes suited for ordinary wear. Thus, dresses, 
while they may be somewhat brighter in tint than 
good taste would justify in the streets of a city, must 
yet be durable in quality and of material which 
can be washed. The brim of the hat should be broad 
to protect the face from the sun. The fashion of 
making hats of shirred muslin is a very sensible 
one, as it enables them to be done up when they are 
soiled. The boots should be strong and durable. 
A waterproof is an indispensable article to the so- 
journer at country resorts. 

BATHING COSTUMES. 

The bathing-dress should be made of flannel. A 
soft gray tint is the neatest, as it does not soon fade 
and grow ugly from contact with salt water. It may 
be trimmed with bright worsted braid. The best 
style is a loose sacque or the yoke waist, both of them 
to be belted in and falling about midway between 
the knee and the ankle. Full trowsers gathered in- 



342 DJRES8. 

to a band at the ankle, an oilskin cap to protect the 
hair, which becomes harsh in the salt water, and 
socks of the color of the dress complete the costume. 

COSTUMES FOB TRAVELING. 

There is no place where the true lady is more 
plainly indicated than in traveling. A lady's travel- 
ing costume should be neat and plain,without super- 
fluous ornament of any kind. 

The first consideration in a traveling-dress is com- 
fort; the second, protection from the dust and stains 
of travel. 

For a short journey, in summer a linen duster 
may be put on over the ordinary dress, in winter a 
waterproof cloak may be used in the same way. 

But a lady making a long journey will find it 
more convenient to have a traveling-suit made ex- 
pressly. Linen is used in summer, as the dust is so 
easily shaken from it and it can be readily washed. 
In winter a waterproof dress and sacque are the most 
serviceable. 

There are a variety of materials especially adapt- 
ed for traveling costumes, of soft neutral tints and 
smooth surfaces, which do not catch dust. These 
should be made up plain and short. 

The underskirts should be colored woolen in win- 
ter, linen in summer. Nothing displays vulgarity 
and want of breeding so much as a white petticoat 
in traveling. 

Gloves should be of Lisle thread in summer and 



DRESS. 343 

cloth in winter. Thick soled boots, stout and dur- 
able. The hat or bonnet should be plainly trimmed 
and protected by a large veil. Velvet is not fit for 
a traveling-hat, as it catches and retains the dust. 

Plain linen collars and cuffs finish the costume. 
The hair should be put up in the plainest manner 
possible. 

A waterproof and a warm woolen shawl are in- 
dispensable in traveling. Also a satchel or basket, 
in which may be kept a change of collars, cuffs, 
gloves, handkerchiefs and toilet articles. 

A traveling-dress should be well supplied with 
pockets. The waterproof should have large pock- 
ets; so should the sacque. 

In an underskirt there should be a pocket in 
which to carry all money not needed for immediate 
use. The latter may be entrusted to the portemon- 
naie in the ordinary pocket, or in the bosom of the 
dress. 

GOING TO EUROPE. 

"An elastic valise and a hand-satchel, at the side 
of which is strapped a waterproof," are enough bag- 
gage to start with. "In the valise changes of linen, 
consisting of two garments, night-gowns and 'angel' 
drawers. These latter are made of cotton or linen, 
and consist of a waist cut like a plain corset-cover, 
but extending all in one piece in front with the 
drawers, which button on the side. Usually the 
waists of these drawers are made without sleeves 01 



,'jil DRESS. 

with only a short cap at the top of the arm, but for 
a European trip it is advisable to add sleeves to the 
waist, so that cuffs paper cuffs if preferred can 
be buttoned to them. Thus, in one garment easily 
>made, easily removed, and as easily washed as a 
chemise, is comprised drawers, chemise, corset-cover 
and undersleeves, the whole occupying no more 
room than any single article of underwear, and sav- 
ing the trouble attending the care and putting on 
of many pieces. A gauze flannel vest underneath 
is perhaps a necessary precaution, and ladies who 
wear corsets can place them next to this. Over 
these the single garment mentioned adds all that is 
required in the way of underwear, except two skirts 
and small light hair-cloth tournure. 

" Of dresses three are required one a traveling- 
dress of brown de bege, a double calico wrapper and 
a black or hair-striped silk. The latter is best, be- 
cause it is light, because it does not take dust, be- 
cause it does not crush easily and because by judi- 
cious making and management it can be arranged 
into several costumes, which will serve for city sight- 
seeing throughout the journey and be good after- 
ward to bring home. Then, if there is room, an old 
black silk or black alpaca skirt may be found use- 
ful, and an embroidered linen or batiste polonaise 
from last summer's store. 

"Add to these a black sash, a couple of belts, an 
umbrella with chatelaine and requisite attachments, 
a pair of neat-fitting boots and pa^ ^ Dippers, some 



DRESS. 345 

cuffs, small standing collars and a few yards of frais- 
ing, a striped or cheddar shawl, a 'cloud' for even- 
ings on deck, some handkerchiefs and gray and 
brown kid gloves, and, with a few necessary toilet 
articles, you have an outfit that will take you over 
the world and can all he comprised in the space in- 
dicated, leaving room for a small whisk broom, es- 
sential to comfort, and a large palm-leaf fan. 

"Stores, such as lemons, a bottle of glycerine, 
spirits of ammonia and Florida water, which are 
really all that are required the first for sickness, 
the last three for the toilet should be packed in a 
small case or box in such a way that the flasks con- 
taining the liquid will not come in contact with the 
fruit. After landing the box will not be wanted, as 
the lemons will have been used and the flasks can 
be carried with dressing-combs and the like in the 
satchel." 

WEDDING-OUTFIT. 

Although the fashions in make and material of 
the bride's dress are continually varying, yet there 
are certain unchangeable rules in regard to it. Thus 
a bride in full bridal costume should be dressed en- 
tirely in white from head to foot. 

THE WEDDING-DRESS. 

The dress may be of silk, brocade, satin, lace, 
merino, alpaca, crape, lawn or muslin. The veil 
may be of lace, tulle or illusion, but it roust be long 



346 DRESS. 

and full. It may or may not fall over the face. The 
flowers of the bridal wreath and bouquet must be 
orange blossoms, either artificial or natural, or oth- 
er white flowers. 

The dress should be high and the arms covered. 
No jewelry should be worn save pearls or diamonds. 
Slippers of white satin and gloves of kid, make the 
dress complete. 

The simplicity in bridal toilettes, adopted in con- 
tinental Europe, is more commendable than that of 
England and America, where the bridal dress is 
made as expensive and as heavy with rich and cost- 
ly lace as it can possibly be made. 

DRESS OF BRIDEGROOM. 

The bridegroom should wear a black or dark-blue 
dresscoat, light pantaloons, vest and necktie, and 
white kid gloves. 

DRESS OF BRIDESMAIDS. 

The dresses of the bridesmaids are not so elabor- 
ate as that of the bride. They also should be of 
white, but they may be trimmed with delicately col- 
ored flowers and ribbons. White tulle worn over 
pale pink or blue silk, and caught up with blush- 
roses or forget-me-nots, makes a charming brides- 
maid's costume. 

If the bridesmaids wear veils, they should be 
shorter than that of the bride. 



347 
TRAVELING-DRESS OF BRIDE. 

The traveling-dress of a bride may be of silk, or 
of any of the fabrics used for walking-dresses. It 
should be of some neutral tint, the bonnet and 
gloves harmonizing in color. A bridal traveling 
costume may be more elaborately trimmed than an 
ordinary traveling-dress; but if the bride wishes to 
attract but little attention she will not make herself 
conspicuous by too showy a dress. 

A bride is sometimes married in traveling cos- 
tume; but when this is the case, the wedding is in 
private, and the bridal pair start out at once upon 
their journey. 

MARRIAGE OP A WIDOW. 

A widow should never be married in white. Wid- 
ows and brides of middle age should choose delicate 
neutral tints, with white lace collar and cuffs and 
white gloves. The costumes of the bridesmaids 
must take their tone from that of the bride, and be 
neither gayer, lighter nor richer than hers. 

Brides and bridesmaids should wear their wed- 
ding dresses at the wedding-reception. 

DRESS OP GUESTS AT WEDDING-RECEPTION. 

The guests at an evening reception should appear 
in full evening-dress. No one should attend in black 
or wear mourning. Those in mourning should lay 
aside black for gray or lavender. 




348 DRESS. 

For a morning reception the dress should be the 
richest street costume, with white gloves. If the 
blinds are closed and the gas lighted at the morning 
reception, then evening-dress is worn by the guests. 

THE TROUSSEAU. 

The trousseau may be as large and expensive as 
the circumstances of the bride will admit, but this 
expense is generally put upon outside garments. 

There are a great many other articles which must 
be supplied in a requisite number, and these all 
brides must have, and of a certain similarity in gen- 
eral character and make. These are usually fur- 
nished by the bride's parents, and are as complete 
and expensive as their taste dictates, or their means 
justifies. 




HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. 

COLORS IN DRESS. 

CHAPTER 27. 

NE of our most celebrated artists 
says: "Color is the last at- 
tainment of excellence in every 
school of painting." The same 
may be said in regard to the 
art of colors in dress. Never- 
theless, it is the first thing in 
dress to which we should give 
our attention and study. 

We put bright colors upon 
our little children, we dress 
our young girls in light and 
delicate shades, the blooming 
matron is justified in adopting the rich hues which we 
see in the autumn leaf, while black and neutral tints 
are appropriate to the old. This forms the basis upon 
which to build our structure of color. 

Having decided what colors may be worn, it is 
important to know how they may be worn. One color 
should predominate in the dress; and if another 
is adopted, it should be limited in quantity, and 
only by way of contrast or harmony. Certain colors 
should never, under any circumstances, be worn 
together since they produce positive discord to the 

349 




350 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DREU8. 

eye. If the dress be blue, red should not be introduc- 
ed by way of trimming, or vice versa. Red and 
yellow, red and blue, blue and yellow and scarlet 
and crimson should not be united in the same cos- 
tume. If the dress is red, green may be introduced 
in a limited quantity; if green, crimson; if blue, 
orange. Scarlet and solferino are deadly enemies, 
killing each other whenever they meet. 

Two contrasting colors, such as red and green, 
should not be used in equal quantities in a dress, as 
they are both so positive in tone that they divide 
and distract the attention. When two colors are 
worn in any quantity, one must approach a neutral 
tint, such as drab or gray. Black may be worn with 
any color, though it looks best with the lighter 
shades of the different colors. White may also be 
worn with any color, though it looks best with the 
darker tones. Thus white and crimson, black and 
pink, each contrast better and have a richer effect 
than though the black were united with the crimson 
and the white with the pink. Drab, being a shade 
of no color between black and white, may be worn 
with the same effect with all. 

A person of very fair, delicate complexion should 
always wear the most delicate of tints, such as light 
blue, pea-green and mauve. A brunette requires 
bright colors, such as scarlet and orange, to bring 
out the brilliant tints in her complexion. A florid 
face and auburn hair require blue. 

There are many shades of complexions which we 



HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS 351 

cannot take time to describe here, the peculiar col- 
ors to suit which can only be discovered by actual 
experiment; and if the persons with these various 
complexions are not able to judge for themselves, 
they must seek the opinion of some acquaintance 
with an artistically trained eye. 

Pure golden or yellow hair needs blue, and its 
beauty is also increased by the addition of pearls or 
white flowers. 

If the hair has no richness of coloring, a pale, yel- 
lowish green will by reflection produce the lacking 
warm tint. 

Light-brown hair requires blue, which sets off to 
advantage the golden tint. 

Dark-brown hair will bear light blue, or dark blue 
in a lesser quantity. 

Auburn hair, if verging on the red, needs scarlet 
to tone it down. If of a golden red, blue green, 
purple or black will bring out the richness of its 
tints. 

Black hair has its color and depth enhanced by 
scarlet, orange or white, and will bear diamonds, 
pearls or lustreless gold. 

Flaxen hair requires blue. 

SIZE IN RELATION TO DRESS AND COLORS. 

A person of small stature may dress in light col- 
ors which would not be appropriate to a person of 
larger proportions. So a lady of majestic appear- 
ance should not wear white, but will be seen to the 



352 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS 

best advantage in black or dark tints. A lady of 
diminutive stature dresses in bad taste when she 
appears in a garment with large figures, plaids or 
stripes. Neither should a lady of large proportions 
be seen in similar garments, because, united with 
her size, they give her a "loud" appearance. Indeed, 
pronounced figures and broad stripes and plaids are 
never in perfect taste, whatever a capricious fashion 
may say in the matter. 

It is of importance to observe, that you do not 
overstep the boundaries of good taste in the number 
and variety of colors which you may employ. You 
may display the greatest taste and judgment in the 
contrast and harmony of colors; and yet, owing to 
their profusion, they may obtrude themselves too 
glaringly on the eye, drawing the attention more to 
the dress than to the countenance and figure of the 
person, an error which ought to be carefully avoided; 
the fewer the colors are which are used, the more 
simple and graceful will be the effect. 

In the canons of the laws of harmony and con- 
trast, size, or the magnitude of objects, has also its 
rules to be observed in regard of colors; large ob- 
jects appear to greater advantage in sober colors 
than smaller ones. 

Black, however, not only suits the complexion of 
all forms, and is becoming to all figures, but is at 
once piquant and elegant; it has a surprising effect 
in imparting grace and elegance to a well-turned 
form. 



HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRE8S. 353 

When two colors which are dissimilar are associ- 
ated agreeably, such as blue and orange, or lilac and 
cherry, they form a harmony of contrast. And when 
two distant tones of one color are associated, such 
as very light and very dark blue, they harmonize 
by contrast. Of course, in the latter instance the 
harmony is neither so striking nor so perfect. 

When two colors are grouped which are similar 
to each other in disposition, such as orange and 
scarlet, crimson and crimson-brown, or orange and 
orange-brown, they form a harmony of analogy. And 
if two or more tones of one color be associated, 
closely aproximating in intensity, they harmonize 
by analogy. 

The harmonies of contrast are 'more effective, al- 
though not more important, than those of analogy; 
the former are characterized by brilliancy and de- 
cision, while the latter are peculiar for their quiet, 
retiring, and undemonstrative nature. In affairs of 
dress both hold equal positions; and in arranging 
colors in costume, care must be taken to adopt the 
proper species of harmony. 

The simplest rules to be observed are the follow- 
ing : 1. When a color is selected which is favorable 
to the complexion, it is advisable to associate with 
it tints which will harmonize by analogy, because 
the adoption of contrasting colors would diminish its 
favorable effect. 2. When a color is employed in 
dress which is injurious to the complexion, contrast- 
ing colors must be associated with it, as they have 



354 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. 

the power to neutralize its objectionable influence. 

We will take an example illustrative of the first 
rule. Green suits the blonde, and, when worn by 
her, its associated colors should be tones of itself 
(slightly lighter or darker,) which will rather en- 
hance than reduce its effect. 

As an example of the second rule, we may take 
violet, which, although unsuitable to brunettes, may 
be rendered agreeable by having tones of yellow or 
orange grouped with it. 

Colors of similar power which contrast with each 
other mutually intensify each other's brilliancy, as 
blue and orange, scarlet and green. When dark and 
very light colors are associated, they do not intensify 
each other in the same manner; the dark color is 
made to appear deeper, and the light to appear 
lighter, as dark blue and straw-color, or any dark 
color and the light tints of the complexion. 

Colors which harmonize with each other by ana* 
logy reduce each other's brilliancy to a greater or less 
degree; as white -and yellow, blue and purple, black 
and brown. 

There are many colors which lose much of their 
brilliancy and hue by gaslight, and are therefore 
unserviceable for evening costume; of this class wi 
may enumerate all the shades of purple and lilac, 
and dark blues and greens. Others gain brilliancy 
in artificial light, as orange, scarlet, crimson, and the 
light browns and greens. It is advisable that all 
these circumstances should be considered, in the se- 



HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. 355 

lection of colors for morning and evening costume. 
Our readers will find the following list of harmo- 
nious groups of service in the arrangement of colors 
in dress; we have given the most useful as well as 
the most agreeable combinations. 
Blue and lilac, a weak harmony. 
Blue and drab harmonize. 
Blue and stone-color harmonize. 
Blue and fawn-color, a weak harmony. 
Blue and white (or gray) harmonize. 
Blue and straw-color harmonize. 
Blue and maize harmonize. 
Blue and chestnut (or chocolate) harmonize. 
Blue and brown, an agreeable harmony. 
Blue and black harmonize. 
Blue and gold (or gold-color), a rich harmony. 
Blue and orange, a perfect harmony. 
Blue and crimson harmonize, but imperfectly. 
Blue and pink, a poor harmony. 
Blue and salmon-color, an agreeable harmony. 
Blue, scarlet, and purple (or lilac) harmonize. 
Blue, orange, and black harmonize. 
Blue, orange, and green, harmonize. 
Blue, brown, crimson, and gold (or yellow; harmonize 
Blue, orange, black and white, harmonize. 
Red and gold (or gold-color) harmonize. 
Red and white (or gray) harmonize. 
Red, orange, and green, harmonize. 
Red, yellow (or gold-color,) and black, harmonize. 
Red gold-color, black and white, harmonize. 



3b6 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. 

Scarlet and slate-color harmonize. 

Scarlet, black, and white harmonize. 

Scarlet, blue and white harmonize. 

Scarlet, blue and yellow harmonize. . 

Scarlet, blue, black, and yellow harmonize. 

Scarlet and blue harmonize. 

Scarlet and orange harmonize. 

Crimson and black, a dull harmony. 

Crimson and drab harmonize. 

Crimson and brown, a dull harmony. 

Crimson and gold (or gold-color,) a rich harmony. 

Crimson and orange, a rich harmony. 

Crimson and maize harmonize. 

Crimson and purple harmonize. 

Yellow and chestnut (or chocolate) harmonize. 

Yellow and brown harmonize. 

Yellow and red harmonize. 

Yellow and crimson harmonize. 

Yellow and white, a poor harmony. 

Yellow and black harmonize. 

Yellow, purple, and crimson harmonize. 

Yellow, purple, scarlet, and blue harmonize. 

Yellow and purple, an agreeable harmony. 

Yellow and blue harmonize, but cold. 

Yellow and violet harmonize. 

Yellow and lilac, a weak harmony. 

Green and scarlet harmonize. 

Green, scarlet, and blue harmonize. 

Green, crimson, blue, and gold, or yellow, harmonize. 

Green and gold, or gold-color, a rich harmony. 



HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. 35? 

Green and yellow harmonize. 

Green and orange harmonize. 

Orange, blue, and crimson harmonize. 

Orange, purple, and scarlet, hairnonize. 

Orange, blue, scarlet, and purple harmonize. 

Orange, blue, scarlet, and claret harmonize. 

Orange, blue, scarlet, white, and green harmonize. 

Orange and chestnut, harmonize. 

Orange, and brown, an agreeable harmony. 

Orange, lilac, and crimson, harmonize. 

Orange, red, and green harmonize. 

Purple, scarlet, and gold-color, harmonize. 

Purple, scarlet, and white harmonize. 

Purple, scarlet, blue, and orange harmonize. 

Purple, scarlet, blue, yellow, and black harmoniza 

Purple and gold, or gold-color, a rich harmony. 

Purple and orange, a rich harmony. 

Purple and maize harmonize. 

Purple and blue harmonize. 

Purple and black, a heavy harmony. 

Purple and white, a cold harmony. 

Lilac and crimson harmonize. 

Lilac, scarlet, and white, or black, harmonize. 

Lilac, gold-color, and crimson harmonize. 

Lilac, yellow, or gold, scarlet, and white harmoniza 

Lilac and gold, or gold-color, harmonize. 

Lilac and white, a poor harmony. 

Lilac and gray, a poor harmony. 

Lilac and maize, harmonize. 

Lilac and cherry, an agreeable harmony. 



358 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. 

Lilac and scarlet, harmonize. 

White and gold-color, a poor harmony. 

White and scarlet harmonize. 

White and crimson harmonize. 

White and cherry harmonize. 

White and pink harmonize. 

White and brown harmonize. 

Black and white a perfect harmony. 

Black and orange, a rich harmony. 

Black and maize harmonize. 

Black and scarlet harmonize. 

Black and lilac harmonize. 

Black and pink harmonize. 

Black and slate-color harmonize. 

Black and brown a dull harmony. 

Black and drab, or buff harmonize. 

Black, white, or yellow and crimson harmonize 

Black, orange, blue, and scarlet harmonize. 





THE TOILETTE. 

CHAPTER 28. 

UTY has more to do with atten- 
tion to the toilette than vanity. 
We are therefore bound to turn 
our personal attractions to the 
very best advantage, and to pre- 
serve every agreeable quality 
with which we may have been 
endowed. 

It is every woman's duty to make herself as beauti- 
ful as possible ; and no less the duty of every man to 
make himself pleasing in appearance. The duty of 
looking well is one we owe not only to ourselves, but 
to others as well. We owe it to ourselves because 
others estimate us very naturally and very properly by 
our outward appearance ; and we owe it to others be- 
cause we have no right to put our friends to the blush 
by our untidiness. 

If a gentleman ask a lady to accompany him to the 
opera or a concert, she has no right to turn that 
expected pleasure into a pain and mortification by 
presenting herself with tumbled hair, ill-chosen dress, 
badly-fitting gloves and an atmosphere of cheap and 
offensive perfumes. So, also, if the gentleman comes 
to fulfill his appointment with tumbled clothes, shaggy 
hair and beard, soiled linen and an odor of stale tobacco, 
she may well consider such an appearance an insult. 

359 



360 THE TOILETTE. 

Self-respect, as well as consideration for the other, 
demands that the personal appearance of each be 
pleasing and in good taste. 

HEALTH AND BEAUTY. 

XFpon the minor details of the toilette depend, in a 
great degree, the health, as well as the beauty, of the 
individual. In fact, the highest state of health is 
equivalent to the greatest degree of beauty of which 
the individual is capable. It is a false taste which 
looks upon a fragile form and a pale and delicate 
complexion as requisites for beauty. The strength 
and buoyancy and vigor of youth, the full and roun- 
ded curves of form and features, the clear complex- 
ion, fair in the blonde and rich and brilliant in the 
brunette, tinted with the rosy flush of health, these 
constitute the true beauty which all should seek, 
and to which all with proper care can at least par- 
tially attain. 

THE DRESSING-BOOM. 

The first requisite in properly performing the 
duties of the toilette is to have a regularly-arranged 
dressing-room. This room, of course, in many in- 
stances, is used as a bedroom as well; but that need 
not interfere with its general arrangements. 

The walls should be covered with a light-colored 
paper, with window-curtains and furniture covers all 
\n harmony. A few choice chromos or water-color 
drawings may hang on the walls, and one or two 



THE TOILETTE. 361 

ornaments may occupy a place on the mantel; but it 
must be borne in mind that the room is to be used 
exclusively for dressing and the toilette, so that 
everything interfering with these offices in any way 
should be carefully avoided. 

LADY'S DRESSING-ROOM. 

A lady's dressing-room should be furnished with 
a low dressing-bureau, a washstand, an easy-chair, 
placed in front of the dressing-bureau, one or two 
other chairs, a sofa or couch if there be sufficient 
room, and a large wardrobe if there are not suffi- 
cient closet conveniences. 

The dressing-bureau should contain the lady's 
dressing-case, her jewel-box, pin-cushion ring-stand, 
and hairpin-cushion. The latter is very convenient, 
and is made in the following way : It may be square 
or round, the sides of card-board or wood, loosely 
stuffed with fine horsehair and covered with plain 
knitting, worked in german wool with fine needles. 
This cover offers no impediment to the hairpins^ 
which are much better preserved in this way than by 
being left scattered about in an untidy fashion. There 
should also be a tray with various kinds of combs, 
frizettes bottles of perfumes, &c. 

The washstand should be furnished with a larga 
bowl and pitcher, small pitcher and tumbler, soap- 
tray, sponge-basin, holding two sponges (large and 
small), china tray containing two tooth-brushes and 
nail-brushes, and a bottle of ammonia. 



362 THE TOILETTE. 

On the right of the washstand should be the towel 
-rack, which should contain one fine and two coarse 
towels and two more very coarse hucka-back or Tur- 
kish towels. The foot-bath should be placed beneath 
the washstand. 

On the wall there should be hooks and pegs at 
convenient distances, which may be used for sacques, 
dressing-gowns, dresses about to be worn, or any 
other article of general or immediate use. 

Dresses, skirts, crinolines, etc., should be hung 
neatly away in the closet or wardrobe. The under- 
clothing should be folded and placed in an orderly 
manner in the drawers of the dressing-bureau. The 
finer dresses are kept in better order if folded smooth- 
ly and laid on shelves instead of being hung up. 

GENTLEMAN'S DRESSING-ROOM. 

The arrangements of a gentleman's dressing-room 
are similar in most respects to those of the lady's 
dressing-room, the differences being only in small 
matters. 

A gentleman's wardrobe is not necessarily so large 
as a lady's, but it should be well supplied with draw- 
ers to contain vests and pantaloons when folded. In- 
deed, no gentleman who wishes to make a tidy ap- 
pearance should ever hang up these articles. 

The hooks and pegs in a gentleman's dressing- 
room are for the convenience of articles of a gentle- 
man's toilet corresponding with those occupying a 
similar place in the lady's room. 



TKE TOILETTE. 363 

In a gentleman's dressing-bureau should be found 
the articles used in a gentleman's toilet razors, 
shaving-soap, shaving-brush and a small tin pot for 
hot water, also packages of paper, on which to wipe 
razors. Cheap razors are a failure as they soon lose 
their edge. It has been suggested as an excellent 
plan to have a case of seven razors one for each 
day in the week so that they are all equally used. 

A boot-stand, on which the boots and shoes should 
be arranged in regular order, with boot-jacks and 
boot-hooks, is a necessary part of the gentleman's 
dressing-room. 

A couple of hair gloves, with a flesh-brush, may 
be added. 

THE BATH. 

In most of our houses in the city there is a sepa- 
rate bath room with hot and cold water, but country 
houses are not always so arranged. A substitute for 
the bath-room is a large piece of oilcloth, which can 
be laid upon the floor of the ordinary dressing-room. 
Upon this may be placed the bath-tub or basin. 

There are various kinds of baths, both hot anJ 
cold the douche, the shower-bath, the hip-bath and 
the sponge-bath. 

We do not bathe to make ourselves clean; but to 
keep clean, and for the sake of its health-giving and 
invigorating effects. Once a week a warm bath, at 
about 100, may be used, with plenty of soap, in or- 
der to thoroughly cleanse the pores of the skin. 



364 THE TOILETTE. 

A douche or hip-bath may be taken every morn- 
ing, winter and summer, with the temperature of the 
water suited to the endurance of the individual. In 
summer a second or sponge-bath may be taken on 
retiring. 

Only the most vigorous constitutions can endure 
the shower-bath, therefore it cannot be recommended 
for indiscriminate use. 

After these baths a rough towel should be vigor- 
ously used, not only to help remove the impurities 
of the skin, but for the beneficial friction which will 
send a glow over the whole body. The hair glove 
or flesh-brush may be used to advantage in the bath 
before applying the towel. 

Before stepping into the bath the head should be 
wet with cold water, and in the bath the pit of the 
stomach should first be sponged. 

There is no danger to most people from taking a 
bath in a state of ordinary perspiration. But one 
should by all means avoid it if fatigued or over- 
heated. 

THE AIR-BATH. 

Next in importance to the water-bath is the air- 
bath. Nothing is so conducive to health as an ex- 
posure of the body to air and sun. A French phy- 
sician has recommended the sun-bath as a desirable 
hygienic practice. It is well, therefore, to remain 
without clothing for some little time after bathing, 



THE TOILETTE. 365 

performing such duties of the toilet as can be done 

in that condition. 

i 

THE TEETH. 

The next thing to be done is to clean the teeth. 
Brides this daily morning cleaning, the teeth should 
be carefully brushed with a soft brush after each 
meal, and also on retiring at night. Use the brush 
so that not only the outside of the teeth is white, 
but the inside also. After the brush is used plunge 
it two or three times into a glass of fresh water, then 
rub it quite dry on a towel. 

Use no tooth-washes nor powders whatever. 
There may be some harmless ones, but it is impossi- 
ble for a person of ordinary knowledge to discrim- 
inate between them, and that which seems to be 
rendering the teeth beautifully white may soon de- 
stroy the enamel which covers them. Castile soap 
used once a day, with frequent brushings with pure 
water and a soft brush, cannot fail to keep the teeth 
clean and white, unless they are disfigured and de- 
stroyed by other bad habits, such as the use of to- 
bacco or too hot or too cold drinks. 

Tartar is not so easily dealt with, but it requires 
equally early attention. It results from an impaired 
state of the general health, and assumes the form of 
a yellowish concretion on the teeth and gums. At 
first it is possible to keep it down by a repeated and 
vigorous use of the tooth-brush; but if a firm, solid 
mass accumulates, it is necessary to have it chipped 



866 THE TOILETTE. 

off by a dentist. Unfortunately, too, by that time it 
will probably have begun to loosen and destroy the 
teeth on which it fixes, and is pretty certain to have 
produced one obnoxious effect that of tainting the 
breath. 

On the slightest appearance of decay or af* tend- 
ency to accumulate tartar, go at once to a dentist. 
If a dark spot appearing under the enamel is neg- 
lected, it will eat in until the tooth is eventually 
destroyed. A dentist seeing the tooth in its first 
stage will remove the decayed part and plug the 
cavity in a proper manner. 

Washing the teeth with vinegar when the brush 
is used has been recommended as a means of remov i 
ing tartar. 

Tenderness of the gums, to which some persons 
are subject, may sometimes be met by the use of salt 
and water, but it is well to rinse the mouth frequent- 
ly with water with a few drops of tincture of myrrh 
in it. 

Relief in cases of decay may sometimes be ob- 
tained by thrusting into the cavity with a needle a 
little cotton-wool saturated with creosote or oil of 
cloves. 

About toothache it is only necessary to point out 
that it results from various causes, and that therefore 
it is impossible to give any general remedy for it. 
It may be occasioned by decay, by inflammation of 
the membrane covering the root, or the pain may be 
neuralgic, or there may be other causes. 



TOILETTE. 367 

N. 

When there is inflammation, relief is often gained 
by applying camphorated chloroform, to be procured 
at the druggist's. This has often succeeded when 
laudanum and similar applications have entirely 
failed. 

It may be added that foul breath, unless caused 
by neglected teeth, indicates a deranged state of the 
system. When it is occasioned by the teeth or other 
local cause, use a gargle consisting of a spoonful of 
solution of chloride of lime in half a tumbler of 
water. Gentlemen smoking, and thus tainting the 
breath, may be glad to know that the common pars- 
ley has a peculiar effect in removing the odor of 
tobacco. 

THE SKIN. 

Beauty and health of the skin can only be ob- 
tained by perfect cleanliness and an avoidance of 
all cosmetics, added to proper diet and correct 
habits. 

The skin must be frequently and thoroughly 
washed, occasionally with warm water and soap, to 
remove the oily exudations upon its surface. If any 
unpleasant sensations are experienced after the use 
of soap, they may be immediately removed by rins- 
ing the surface with water to which a little lemon- 
juice or vinegar has been added. 

Our somewhat remote maternal ancestors were 
very chary in the use of water lest it should injure 
the complexion. So they delicately wiped their faces 



368 THE TOILETTE. 

with the corner of a towel wet in elder-flower water 
or rose-water. Or in springtime they tripped out to 
the meadows while the dew still lay upon the grass, 
and saturating their kerchiefs in May dew refreshed 
their cheeks and went home contented that a con- 
scientious duty had been performed. And so it was 
though a different duty than the one they congrat- 
ulated themselves upon. The May dew did them 
no harm at least, and they had been beguiled by a 
stratagem into early rising. 

It is not necessary here to speak of various cutane- 
ous eruptions. The treatment of these belongs prop- 
erly to a physician. They are usually the result of 
a bad state of the blood or general derangement of 
the system, and cannot be cured by any merely ex- 
ternal application. 

The following rules may be given for the preserva- 
tion of the complexion : Rise early and go to bed 
early. Take plenty of exercise. Use plenty of cold 
water, and good soap frequently. Be moderate in 
eating and drinking. Do not lace. Avoid as much 
as possible the vitiated atmosphere of crowded as- 
semblies. Shun cosmetics and washes for the skin. 
The latter dry the skin, and only defeat the end they 
are supposed to have in view. 

Freckles are of two kinds. Those occasioned by 
exposure to the sunshine, and consequently evanes- 
cent, are denominated "summer freckles; " those 
which are constitutional and permanent are called 
"cold freckles." 



THE TOILETTE. 369 

Moles are frequently a great disfigurement to the 
face, but they should not be tampered with in any 
way. The only safe and certain mode of getting rid 
of moles is by a surgical operation. 

With regard to freckles, it is impossible to give 
any advice which will be of value. They result from 
causes not to be affected by mere external applica- 
tions. Summer freckles are not so difficult to deal 
with, and with a little care the skin may be kept free 
from this cause of disfigurement. 

Some skins are so delicate that they become freck- 
led on the slightest exposure in the open air of sum- 
mer. The cause assigned for this is that the iron in 
the blood, forming a junction with the oxygen, leaves 
a rusty mark where the junction takes place. We 
give in their appropriate place some recipes for re- 
moving these latter freckles from the face. 

There are various other discolorations of the skin, 
proceeding frequently from derangement of the sys- 
tem. The cause should always be discovered before 
attempting a remedy, otherwise you may aggravate 
the complaint rather than cure it. 

THE EYES, LASHES AND BROWS. 

Beautiful eys are the gift of Nature, and can owe 
little to the toilet. As in the eye consists much of the 
expression of the face, therefore it should be borne 
in mind that those who would have their eyes bear 
a pleasing expression must cultivate pleasing traits 
of character and beautify the soul, and then this 



370 THE TOILETTE. 

beautiful soul will look through its natural windows. 

Never tamper with the eyes. There is danger of 
destroying them. All daubing or dyeing of the lids 
is foolish and vulgar. 

Short-sightedness is not always a natural defect. 
It may be acquired by bad habits in youth. A short- 
sighted person should supply himself with glasses 
exactly adapted to his wants ; but it is well not to 
use these glasses too constantly, as, even when they 
perfectly fit the eye, they really tend to shorten the 
sight. Unless one is very short-sighted, it is best to 
keep the glasses for occasional use, and trust ordi- 
narily to the unaided eye. Parents and teachers 
should watch children and see that they do not ac- 
quire the habit of holding their books too close to 
their eyes, and thus injure their sight. 

Parents should also be careful that their children 
do not become squint- or cross-eyed through any 
carelessness. A child's hair hanging down loosely 
over its eyes, or a bonnet projecting too far over 
them, or a loose ribbon or tape fluttering over the 
forehead, is sometimes sufficient to direct the sight 
irregularly until it becomes permanently crossed. 

A beautiful eyelash is an important adjunct to the 
eye. The lashes may be lengthened by trimming 
them occasionally in childhood. Care should be 
taken that this trimming is done neatly and evenly. 
Oreat care how-ever must be used in this direction, 
as, after a certain age they never grow again. 

The eyebrows may be brushed carefully in the 



THE TOILETTE. 371 

direction which they should lie, and when the hair 
is oiled, which should be but seldom, they may be 
oiled also. 

Generally, it is in exceeding bad taste to dye 
either lashes or brows, for it usually brings them 
into inharmony with the hair and features. There 
are cases, however, when the beauty of an otherwise 
fine countenance is utterly ruined by white lashes 
and brows. In such cases one can hardly be blamed 
if India ink is resorted to, to give them the desired 
color. 

Never shave the brows. It adds to their beauty 
in no way, and may result in an irregular growth of 
new hair. 

The utmost care should be taken of the eyes. 
They should never be strained in an imperfect light, 
whether that of clouded daylight, twilight or flick- 
ering lamp- or candle-light. 

Many persons have an idea that a dark room is 
best for the eyes. On the contrary, it weakens them 
and renders them permanently unable to bear the 
light of the sun. Our eyes were naturally designed 
to endure the broad light of Heaven and the nearer 
we approach to this in our houses, the stronger will 
be our eyes and the longer will we retain our sight. 

Some persons have the eyebrows meeting over the 
nose. This is usually considered a disfigurement, 
but there is no remedy for it. It may be a consola- 
tion for such people to know that the ancients ad- 



372 THE TOILETTE. 

mired this style of eyebrows, and that Michael An- 
gelo possessed it. 

It is useless to pluck out the uniting hairs; and if 
a depilatory is applied, a mark like that of a scar left 
from a burn remains, and is more disfiguring than 
the hair. 

If the lids of the eyes become inflamed and scaly, 
do not seek to remove the scales roughly, for they 
will bring the lashes with them. Apply at night a 
little cold cream to the edges of the closed lids, and 
wash them in the morning with lukewarm milk and 
water. 

Sties in the eye are irritating and disfiguring. 
Foment with warm water; at night apply a bread- 
and-milk poultice. When a white head forms, prick 
it with a fine needle. Should the inflammation be 
obstinate, a little citrine ointment may be applied, 
care being taken that it does not get into the eye. 

It is well to have on the toilet-table a remedy for 
inflamed eyes. Spermaceti ointment is simple and 
well adapted to this purpose. Apply at night, and 
wash off with rose-water in the morning. There is 
a simple lotion made by dissolving a very small 
piece of alum and a piece of lump-sugar of the same 
size in a quart of water; put the ingredients into the 
water cold and let them simmer. Bathe the eyes 
frequently with it. 

THE HAIR. 
There is nothing that so adds to the charm of an 



THE TOILETTE. 873 

individual as a good head of hair. The complexion 
and the features may be perfect, but if the hair is 
thin and harsh they all pass for little. On the other 
hand, magnificent locks will atone for other de- 
ficiencies. 

The hair should be brushed for at least twenty 
minutes in the morning, for ten minutes when it is 
dressed in the middle of the day, and for a like 
period at night. In brushing or combing it begin 
at the extreme points, and in combing hold the 
portion of hair just above that through which the 
comb is passing firmly between the first and second 
fingers, so that if it is entangled it may drag from 
that point, and not from the roots. The finest head 
of hair may be spoiled by the practice of plunging 
the comb into it high up and dragging it in a 
reckless manner. Short, loose, broken hairs are thus 
created, and become very troublesome. 

The skin of the head requires even more tender- 
.ness and cleanliness than any other portion of the 
body, and is capable of being irritated by disease. 
Formerly, the use of a fine-tooth comb was con- 
sidered essential to the proper care of the hair, but 
in general, to the careful brusher, the fine comb is 
not necessary. 

The hair should be brushed carefully. The brush 
should be of moderate hardness, not too hard. The 
hair should be separated, in order that the head itself 
may be well brushed, as by doing so the scurf is re- 
moved, and that is most essential, as not only is it 



374 THE TOILETTE. 

unpleasant and unsightly, but if suffered to remain 
it becomes saturated with perspiration and tends to 
weaken the roots of the hair, causing it in time to 
fall off. 

Vinegar and water form a good wash for the roots 
of the hair. Ammonia diluted with water is still 
better. 

Nothing is simpler or better in the way of oil 
than pure, unscented salad oil, and in the way of a 
pomatum bear's grease is as pleasant as anything. 
Apply either with the hands or keep a soft brush 
for the purpose, but take care not to use the oil too 
freely. An over-oiled head of hair is vulgar and 
offensive. So are scents of any kind in the oil ap- 
plied to the hair. It is well also to keep a piece of 
flannel with which to rub the hair at night after 
brushing it, in order to remove the oil before lay- 
ing, the head upon the pillow. 

Do not plaster the hair with oil or pomatum. 
A white, concrete oil pertains naturally to the cov- 
ering of the human head, but some persons have 
it in more abundance than others. Those whose 
hair is glossy and shining need nothing to render 
it so; but when the hair is harsh, poor and dry, 
artificial lubrication is necessary. Persons who per- 
spire freely or who accumulate scurf rapidly require 
it also. 

The hair-brush should also be frequently washed 
in diluted ammonia. 

For removing scurf glycerine diluted with a little 



THE TOILETTE. 375 

rose-water will be found of service. Any prepara- 
tion of rosemary forms an agreeable and highly 
cleansing wash. 

The yolk of an egg beaten up in warm water is an 
excellent application to the scalp. 

Many heads of hair require nothing more in the 
way of wash than soap and water. 

Do not by any means use any dyes or advertised 
nostrums to preserve or change the color of the hair, 
or to prevent it from falling out or to curl it. They 
are one and all objectionable, containing more or 
less poison, some of them even sowing the germs of 
paralysis or of blindness. 

Young girls should wear their hair cut short until 
they are grown up if they would have it then in its 
best condition. 

Beware of letting the hair grow too long, as the 
points are apt to weaken and split. It is well to 
have the ends clipped off once a month. 

The style of modern coiffure is so perpetually 
changing with every breath of fashion that it is 
useless to say much about it in these pages. It may 
be well to hint that when fashion ordains extrava- 
gance in style of wearing the hair or in the abun- 
dance of false locks, the lady of refinement will 
follow her mandates only at a distance, and will sup- 
plement the locks with which Nature has provided 
her only so far as is absolutely required to prevent 
her presenting a singular appearance. 

A serious objection to dyeing the hair is that it is 



376 THE TOILETTE. 

almost impossible to give the hair a tint which har- 
monizes with the complexion. 

If the hair begins to change early and the color 
goes in patches, procure from the druggist's a prep- 
aration of the husk of the walnut water or eau crayon. 
This will by daily application darken the tint of the 
hair without actually dyeing it. When the change 
of color has gone on to any great extent, it is better 
to abandon the application and put up with the 
change, which, in nine cases out of ten, will be in 
accordance with the change in the face. Indeed, 
there is nothing more beautiful than soft white hair 
worn in plain bands or clustering curls about the 
face. 

The walnut-water may be used for toning down 
too red hair. 

Gentlemen are more liable to baldness than ladies, 
owing, no doubt, to the use of the close hat, which 
confines and overheats the head. It may be consid- 
ered, perhaps, as a sort of punishmemt for disregard- 
ing one of the most imperative rules of politeness, to 
always remove the hat in the presence of ladies, the 
observance of which would keep the head cool and 
well aired. 

If the hair is found to be falling out, the first thing 
to do is to look to the hat and see that it is light and 
thoroughly ventilated. There is no greater enemy 
to the hair than the silk dress-hat. The single eye- 
let-hole through the top does not secure sufficient 
circulation of air for the health of the head. It is 



THE TOILETTE. 877 

best to lay this hat aside altogether and adopt light 
straw in its place. 

It would, no doubt, be to the advantage of men if 
they would take to going out in the open air bare- 
headed. Women think nothing of stepping out of 
doors heads uncovered, men scarcely ever do it. We 
are of opinion that if the health of the brain and 
hair is to be paramount we should learn to consider 
hats and bonnets, and especially hats, as worn merely 
as hostages to the proprieties, and not at all as neces- 
sities, while we should seek to do without them on 
every possible occasion, in doors and out. 

It is conceded that artists and musicians may wear 
their hair long if they choose, but it is imperative 
upon all other gentlemen to cut their hair short. 
Long hair on a man not of the privileged class above 
named will indicate him to the observer as a person 
of unbalanced mind and unpleasantly erratic char- 
acter a man, in brief, who seeks to impress others 
with the fact that he is eccentric, something which 
a really eccentric person never attempts. 

THE BEARD. 

Those who shave should be careful to do so every 
morning. Nothing looks worse than a stubbly beard. 
Some persons whose beards are strong should shave 
twice a day, especially if they are going to a party 
in the evening. 

The style of hair on the face should be governed 
by the character of the face. Some people wear the 



378 THE TOILETTE. 

full beard, not shaving at all ; others long Cardigan 
whiskers ; some moustache and whiskers or mutton- 
chop whiskers, or the long, flowing moustache and 
imperial of Victor Emmanuel, or the spiky moustache 
of the late emperor of the French. But whatever 
the style be, the great point is to keep it well brush- 
ed and trimmed and to avoid any appearance of wild- 
ness or inattention. The full, flowing beard of course 
requires more looking after, in the way of cleanli- 
ness than any other. It should be thoroughly wash- 
ed and brushed at least twice a day, as dust is sure 
to accumulate in it, and it is very easy to suffer it 
to become objectionable to one's self as well as to 
others. If it is naturally glossy, it is better to avoid 
the use of oil or pomatum. 

The moustache should be worn neatly and not 
over-large. 

In conclusion, our advice to those who shave is 
like Punch's advice to those about to marry; 
"Don't!" There is nothing that so adds to native 
manliness as the full beard if carefully and neatly 
kept. Nature certainly knows best; and no man 
need be ashamed of showing his manhood in the 
hair of his face. 

The person who invented razors libeled nature and 
added a fresh misery to the days of man. "Ah," 
said Diogenes, who would never consent to be 
shaved, "would you insinuate that Nature had done 
better to make you a woman than a man?" 



THE TOILETTE. 379 

THE HAND. 

A beautiful hand is long and slender, with taper- 
ing fingers and pink, filbert-shaped nails. The hand, 
to be in proper proportion to the rest of the body, 
should be as long as from the point of the chin to 
the edge of the hair on the forehead. 

Be careful always to dry the hands thoroughly, and 
rub them briskly for some time afterward. When 
this is not sufficiently attended to in cold weather, 
the hands chap and crack. When this occurs, rub 
a few drops of honey over them when dry, or anoint 
them with cold cream or glycerine before going 
to bed. 

As cold weather is the usual cause of chapped 
hands, so the winter season brings with it a cure for 
them. A thorough washing in snow and soap will 
cure the worst case of chapped hands and leave 
them beautifully soft and white. 

The hands should be kept scrupulously clean, and 
therefore should be very frequently washed not 
merely rinsed in soap and water, but thoroughly 
lathered, and scrubbed with a soft nail-brush. In 
cold weather the use of lukewarm water is unobjec- 
tionable, after which the hands should be dipped 
into cold water and very carefully dried on a fine 
towel. 

Should you wish to make your hands white and 
delicate, you might wash them in white milk and 
water for a day or two. On retiring to rest rub 



380 THE TOILETTE* 

them well over with some palm oil and put on a 
pair of woolen gloves. The hands should be thor- 
oughly washed with hot water and soap the next 
morning, and a pair of soft leather gloves worn dur- 
ing the day, They should frequently be rubbed 
together to promote circulation. 

Sunburnt hands may be washed in lime-water or 
lemon-juice. 

Warts, which are more common with young peo* 
pie than with adults, are very unsightly, and are 
sometimes very difficult to get rid of. The best plan 
is to buy a small stick of lunar caustic, which is sold 
in a holder and case at the druggist's for the purpose, 
dip it in water, and touch the wart every morning 
and evening, care being taken to cut away the with- 
ered skin before repeating the operation. A still 
better plan is to apply acetic acid gently once a day 
with a camel's-hair pencil to the summit of the wart. 
Care should be taken not to allow this acid to touch 
the surrounding skin; to prevent this the finger or 
hand at the base of the wart may be covered with 
wax during the operation. 

Nothing is so repulsive as to see a lady or gentle* 
man, however well dressed they may otherwise be, 
with nails dressed in mourning. 

Never bite the nails; it not only is a most dis- 
agreeable habit, but tends to make the nails jagged, 
deformed and difficult to clean, besides giving a red 
and stumpy appearance to the finger-tips. 

On no account scrape the nails with a view to 



THE TOILETTE. 381 

polishing their surface. Such an operation only 
tends to make them wrinkled and thick. 

The nails should be cut about once a week cer- 
tainly not oftener. This should be accomplished 
jush after washing, the nail being softer at such a 
time. Care should be taken not to cut them too 
short, though, if they are left too long, they will 
frequently get torn and broken. They should be 
nicely rounded at the corners. Recollect, the filbert- 
shaped nail is considered the most beautiful. 

Some people are troubled by the cuticle adhering 
to the nail as it grows. This may be pressed down 
with the towel after washing; or should that not 
prove efficacious, it must be loosened round the edge 
with some blunt instrument. 

It always results from carelessness and inattention 
to the minor details of the toilet, which is most rep- 
rehensible. 

Absolute smallness of a hand is not essential to 
beauty, which requires that the proper proportions 
should be observed in the human figure. Many a 
young girl remains idle for fear her hand will grow 
larger by wo'rk, The folly of this idea is only equal- 
ed by that of the Chinese woman who bandages the 
feet of her daughter and does not permit her to walk 
lest her feet should grow to the size Nature intended 
them. What are our hands made for if not for 
work? And that hand which does the most work 
in the world is the hand most to be honored and to 
be admired. The hand which remains small 



382 THE TOILETTE. 

through inaction is not only not beautiful, but to be 
despised. 

People afflicted with moist hands should revolu- 
tionize their habits, take more out-door exercise and 
more frequent baths. They should adopt a nutri- 
tious but not over-stimulating diet, and perhaps take 
a tonic of some sort. Local applications of starch- 
powder and the juice of lemon may be used to 
advantage. 

With proper care the hand may be retained beau- 
tiful, soft and shapely, and yet perform its fair share 
of labor. The hands should always be protected by 
gloves when engaged in work calculated to injure 
them. Gloves are imperatively required for garden- 
work. The hands should always be washed carefully 
and dried thoroughly after such labor. If they are 
roughened by soap, rinse them in a little vinegar or 
lemon-juice, and they will become soft and smooth 
at once. 

THE FEET. 

If one would see a representation of a perfectly- 
formed foot, let him turn to the pictures of Guido 
and Murillo, who probably had for models the shape- 
ly feet of Italian and Spanish peasants, which never 
had known the bondage of a shoe. 

If a modern artist succeeds in painting a perfect 
foot, it must be looked upon as the result of inspira- 
tion, for surely he can find no models among the shoe- 
tortured, pinched and deformed feet of the men and 
women of the present day. 



THE TOILETTE. 83 

We once had an opportunity to examine the feet of 
a modern fashionable lady feet which, encased in 
their dainty gaiters, were as long and narrow and as 
handsomely shaped as the most fastidious taste could 
require. But what a sight the bare foot presented I 
In its hideous deformity there was scarcely a trace 
of its original natural shape. The forward portion 
of the foot was squeezed and narrowed, the toes were 
pressed together and moulded into the shape of the 
narrow shoe. The ends of the toes, with the nails, 
were turned down ; the big toe, instead of standing 
a little apart from the others, was bent over toward 
them, and its outline formed one side of a triangle, 
of which the little toe and the ends of the interme- 
diate toes were the second side, and the end of the big 
toe the junction of the two sides. In addition to 
this, the toes and the ball of the big toe were covered 
with corns and calluses. 

This deformity and disease, existing, no doubt, in 
many a foot, we are called upon to regard as beauty 
wheu hidden in its encasing shoe! 

A well-formed foot is broad at the sole, the toes 
well spread, each separate toe perfect and rounded in 
form. The nails are regular and perfect in shape as 
those of the fingers. The second toe projects a little 
beyond the others, and the first or big toe stands 
slightly apart from the rest and is slightly lifted, as 
as we see in Murillo's beautiful picture of the infant 
Sd. John. 

The feet from the circumstance of their being so 



384 THE TOILETTE. 

much confined by boots and shoes, require more 
care in washing than the rest of the body. Yet they 
do not always get this care. " How is it," asked a 
French lady, "that we are always washing our 
hands, while we never wash our feet?" We trust 
this statement of the case is not quite true, though 
we fear that with some individuals it somewhat ap- 
proaches it. The hands receive frequent washings 
every day. Once a week is quite as often as many 
people bestow the same attention upon the feet. 

A perfectly-shaped foot can hardly be hoped for 
in these days, when children's feet are encased in 
shoes from earliest infancy and Nature is not allow- 
ed to have her way at any time. In country places 
where children are allowed to run barefoot during 
the summer there is still some trace of beauty left ; 
and instead of its being regarded as a misfortune to 
be thus deprived of feet-covering, it should be es- 
teemed an advantage. 

" How dirty your hands are ! " exclaimed an as- 
tonished acquaintance to Lady Montague, whom she 
met in public with hands most decidedly unwashed. 
Ah!" replied that lady, in a tone of the utmost 
unconcern; "what would you say if you saw my 
feet?" 

And what would we say if we saw many people's 
feet? That they needed washing, certainly. A tepid 
bath, at about 80 or 90, should be used. The feet 
may remain in the water about five minutes, and 
the instant they are taken out they should be rapid- 



THE TOILETTE. 385 

ly and thoroughly dried by being well rubbed with 
a coarse towel. Sometimes bran is used in the 
water. 

Some people are troubled with moist or damp feet. 
This complaint arises more particularly during the 
hot weather in summer-time, and the greatest care 
and cleanliness should be exercised in respect to 
it. Persons so afflicted should wash their feet twice 
a day in soap and warm water; after which they 
should put on clean socks. Should this fail to effect 
a cure, they may, after being washed as above, be 
rinsed, and then thoroughly rubbed with a mix- 
ture consisting of half a pint of warm water and 
three tablespoonfuls of concentrated solution of 
chloride of soda. 

After the bath is the time for paring the toe-nails, 
as they are so much softer and more pliant after 
having been immersed in warm water. 

Few things are more invigorating and refreshing 
after a long walk or getting wet in the feet than a 
tepid foot-bath, clean stockings and a pair of easy 
shoes. 

To avoid chilblains on the feet it is necessary to 
observe three rules: 1. Avoid getting the feet wet; 
if they become so, change the shoes and stockings 
at once. 2. Wear lamb's wool socks or stockings. 
3. Never under any circumstances "toast your toes," 
before the fire, especially if you are very cold. Fre- 
quent bathing of the feet in a strong solution of alum 
is useful in preventing the coming of chilblains 



386 THE TOILETTE. 

People who walk much are frequently afflicted 
with blisters, and many are the plans adopted for 
their prevention. Some soap their socks, some pour 
spirits in their shoes, others rub their feet with glyce- 
rine. The great point, however, is to have easy, 
well-fitting boots and woolen socks. Should blisters 
occur, a very good plan is to pass a large darning* 
needle threaded with worsted through the blister 
lengthwise, leaving, an inch or so of the thread out- 
side at each end. This keeps the scurf-skin close to 
the true skin, and prevents any grit or dirt entering. 
The thread absorbs the matter, and the old skin re- 
mains till the new one grows. A blister should not 
be punctured save in this manner, as it may degener- 
ate into a sore and become very troublesome. 

On the first indication of any redness of the toes 
and sensation of itching it would be well to rub them 
carefully with warm spirits of rosemary, to which a 
little turpentine has been added. Then a piece of 
lint soaked in camphorated spirits, opodeldoc or 
camphor liniment may be applied and retained on 
the part. 

Should the chilblain break, dress it twice daily 
with a plaster of equal parts of lard and beeswax, 
with half the quantity in weight of oil of turpentine. 

It is tolerably safe to say that those who wear 
loose, easy-fitting shoes and boots will never be 
troubled with corns. Some people are more liable 
to corns than others, and some will persist in the 
use of tightly-fitting shoes in spite of corns. Though 



THE TOILETTE. 387 

these latter really deserve to suffer, it is still GUI 
duty to do what we can to remove that suffering. 

Pare the toe-nails squarer than those of the fin- 
gers. Keep them a moderate length long enough 
to protect the toe, but not so long as to cut holes in 
the stockings. Always cut the nails; never tear 
them, as is too frequently the practice. Be careful 
not to destroy the spongy substance below the nails, 
as that is the great guard to prevent them going into 
the quick. 

The toe-nails do not grow so fast as the finger- 
nails, but they should be looked after and trimmed 
at least once a fortnight. They are much more sub- 
ject to irregularity of growth than the finger-nails, 
owing to their confined position. If the nails show 
a tendency to grow in at the sides, the feet should 
be bathed in hot water, pieces of lint be introduced 
beneath the parts with an inward tendency, and the 
nail itself scraped longitudinally. 

The remedies for corns are innumerable. There 
is no doubt, however, that corns are the result of 
undue pressure and friction. According to the old 
formula, '* Remove the cause, and the effect will 
cease." But how to remove it? As a general 
preventive against corns adopt the plan of having 
several pairs of shoes or boots in constant use, and 
change every day. When the corn has asserted 
itself, felt corn-plasters may be procured of the drug- 
gist, taking care that you cut the aperture in them 
large enough to prevent any portion of them press- 



388 THE TOILETTE. 

ing on the edges of the corn. Before long the corn 
will disappear. 

The great fault with modern shoes is that their 
soles are made too narrow, If one would secure 
perfect healthfulness of the feet, he should go to a 
shoemaker and step with his stockinged feet on a 
sheet of paper. Let the shoemaker mark with a 
pencil upon the paper the exact size of his foot, and 
then make him a shoe whose sole shall be as broad 
as this outlined foot. 

Still more destructive of the beauty and symmetry 
of our women's feet have been the high, narrow 
heels so much worn lately. They made it difficult 
to walk, and even in some cases permanently crip- 
pled the feet. 

A shoe, to be comfortable, should have a broad sole 
and a heel of moderate height, say one-half an inch, 
as broad at the bottom as at the top. 





EXPRESSION. 



BEAUTY AND ITS EXPRESSION 

SINGING AND PLAYING. 

CHAPTER 29. 

[HERE are many young women, 
who, when they sit down to 
the piano to sing, twist them- 
selves into so many contor- 
tions, and writhe their bodies 
and faces about into such 
actions and grimaces, as would 
almost incline one to believe 
that they are suffering great 
bodily torture. Their bosoms 
heave, their shoulders shrug, 
their heads swing to the right and left, their lips 
quiver, their eyes roll ; they sigh, they pant, they seem 
ready to expire ! And what is all this about ? They 
are merely playing a favorite concerto, or singing a 
new Italian song. 

If it were possible for these conceit-intoxicated 
warblers, these languishing dolls, to guess what ra- 
tional spectators say of their follies, they would be 
ready to break their instruments and be dumb for- 
ever. What they call expression in singing, at the rate 




390 HINTS ON FEMALE BE A UTT. 

they would show it, is only fit to be exhibited on tha 
stage, when the character of the song intends to por- 
tray the utmost ecstasy of passion to a sighing swain, 
In short, such an echo to the words and music of a 
love-ditty, is very improper in any young woman who 
would wish to be thought as pure in heart as in per- 
son. If amatory addresses are to be sung, let the ex- 
pression be in the voice and the composition of the 
air, not in the looks and gestures of the lady -singer. 
The utmost that she ought to allow herself to do, 
when thus breathing out the accents of love, is to 
wear a serious, tender countenance. More than this 
is bad, and may produce reflections in the minds of 
the hearers very inimical to the reputation of the 
fair warbler. 

The attitude at a piano-forte is not happily adapt- 
ed to grace. From the shape of the instrument, the 
performer must sit directly in front of a straight line 
of keys ; and her own posture being correspondingly 
erect and square, it is hardly possible that it should 
not appear rather inelegant. But if it attain not the 
ne plus ultra of grace, she may prevent an air of stiff- 
ness ; she may move her hands easily on the keys, 
and bear her head with that elegance of carriage 
which cannot fail to impart its own character to the 
whole of her figure. 

If ladies, in meditating on grace of deportment, 
would rather consult the statues of fine sculptors, and 
the figures of excellent painters, than the lessons of 
their dancing-masters, or the dictates of their looking- 



HINTS ON FEMALE BEAUTY. 391 

glasses, we should, doubtless, see simplicity where we 
now find affectation, and a thousand ineffable graces 
taking the place of the present regime of absurdity 
and conceit. 

It was by studying the perfect sculpture of Greece 
and Rome, that a certain lady of rank, eminent for 
her peculiarly beautiful attitudes, acquired so great a 
superiority m mien above her fair contemporaries of 
every court in which she became an inmate. It was 
by meditating on the classic pictures of Poussin, that 
one of the first tragic actresses on the French stage 
learned to move and look like the daughter of the sun. 
And by a similar study did Mrs. Siddons derive in- 
spiration from the pencil of Corregio and Rubens. 

THE VOICE AND DRESS. 

The voice of individuals, the tone they assume in 
speaking to strangers, or even familiarly to their 
friends, will lead a keen observer to discover what ele- 
ments the temper is made of. The low key belongs to 
the sullen, sulky, obstinate ; the shrill note to the pet- 
ulant, the pert, the impatient : some will pronounce 
the common and trite question, " How do you do ? " 
with such harshness and asperity that they seem 
positively angry with you that you should ever do at 
til. Some affect a lisping, which at once betrays 
childishness and downright nonsense ; others will bid 
their words gallop so swiftly that the ablest ear is 
unable to follow the rapid race, and gathers nothing 
but confused and unmeaning sounds. All these ex* 



392 HINTS ON FEMALE BEAUTY. 

tremes are to be avoided, and, although nature has 
differently formed the organs of speech for different 
individuals, yet there is a mode to correct nature's 
own aberrations. 

If good-breeding and graceful refinement are ever 
most proper, they are always so. It is not sufficient 
that you are amiable and elegant in your deportment 
to strangers and to your acquaintance ; you must be 
undeviatingly so to your most intimate friends, to 
nearest relations, to father, mother, brothers, sisters, 
husband, wife. You must have no dishabille for them, 
either of mind or person. 

If you would always appear amiable, elegant and 
endearing to the beings with whom you are to spend 
your life, make those beings the first objects for 
Whose pleasure your accomplishments, your manners, 
and your dress are to be cultivated. Never appear 
before these tender relatives in the disgusting negli- 
gence of disordered and soiled clothes. By this has 
many a lovely girl lost her lover ; and by this has 
many an amiable wife alienated the affections of her 
husband. 

Let me, then, in one short sentence, in one tender 
adieu, my fair readers and endeared friends, enforce 
upon your minds, that if Beauty be woman's weapon, 
it must be feathered by the Graces, pointed by the 
eye of Discretion, and shot by the hand of Virtue ! 

Look, then, not merely to your mirrors, when you 
would decorate yourselves for conquest, but consult 
the speculum which will reflect your hearts and minds. 



HINTS ON FEMALE BE A UTY. 393 

Remember that it is the affections of a sensible and 
reasonable soul you hope to subdue, and seek for 
arms likely to carry the fortress. 

BEAUTY OP PERSON. 

Beauty of person will ever be found a dead letter, 
unless it be animated with beauty of mind. " For 'tis 
the mind that makes the body rich." We must, then, 
not only cultivate the shape, the complexion, the air, 
the attire, the manners, but most assiduously must 
our attention be devoted to teach " the young idea 
how to shoot," and to fashion the unfolding mind to 
judgment and virtue. By such culture, it will not be 
merely the charming girl, the captivating woman we 
shall present to the world, but the dutiful daughter, 
.affectionate sister, tender wife, judicious mother, 
faithful friend, and amiable acquaintance. 

DIGNITY AND FAMILIARITY. 

We regard society as a grand machine, in which 
each member has the place best fitted for him ; or, to 
make use of a more common illustration, as a vast 
drama, in which every person has the part allotted to 
him most appropriate to his abilities. One enacts the 
general, others the subalterns, others the soldiery ; 
but all obey the Great Director, who best knows what 
is in man. Regarding things in this light, all arro- 
gance, all pride, all envy ings and contempt of others, 
from their relative degrees, disappear, as emotions to 
whixjh we have no pretensions. We neither endowed 



394 HUMS ON FEMALE BEAUTY. 

ourselves with high birth nor eminent talents. "We 
are altogether beings of a creation independent of our 
own will ; and, therefore, bearing our own honors as 
a gift, not as a right, we should condescend to our in- 
feriors (whose place it might have been our lot to 
fill), and regard with deference our superiors, whom 
Heaven, by so elevating, has intended that we should 
respect. 

This sentiment of order in the mind, this conviction 
of the beautiful harmony in a well-organized civil so- 
ciety, gives us dignity with our inferiors, without al- 
loying it with the smallest particle of pride ; by keep- 
ing them at a due distance, we merely maintain our- 
selves and them in the rank in which a higher Power 
has placed us ; and the condescension of our general 
manners to them, and our kindnesses in their exigen- 
cies, and generous approbation of their worth, are 
sufficient acknowledgments of sympathy to show that 
we avow the same nature with themselves, the same 
origin, the same probation, the same end. 

Our demeanor with our equals is more a matter or 
policy. To be indiscreetly familiar, to allow of liber- 
ties being taken with your good nature, all this is 
likely to happen with people of the same rank as 
ourselves, unless we hold our mere acquaintance at a 
proper distance, by a certain reserve. A woman may 
be gay, ingenuous, perfectly amiable to her associates, 
and yet reserved. Avoid all sudden intimacies, nil 
needless secret-telling, all closeting about nonsense, 
caballing, taking mutual liberties with each other ia 



HINTS ON FEMALE BEAUTY. 395 

regard to domestic arrangements ; in short, beware of 
familiarity ! The kind of familiarity which is com- 
mon in families, and amongst women of the same 
classes in society, is that of an indiscriminate gossip- 
ing ; an interchange of thoughts without any effusion 
of the heart. Then an unceremonious way of re- 
proaching each other, for a real or supposed neglect ; 
a coarse manner of declaring your faults ; a habit of 
jangling on trifles ; a habit of preferring your own 
whims or ease before that of the persons about you ; 
an indelicate way of breaking into each other's pri- 
vacy. In short, doing everything that declares the 
total oblivion of all politeness and decent manners. 

This series of errors happens every day amongst 
brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, and female 
acquaintances; and what are the consequences? 
Distaste, disgust, everlasting quarrels and perhaps 
total estrangement in the end ! 

I have seen many families bound together by the 
tenderest affection ; I have seen many hearts wrought 
into each other by the sweet amalgamation of friend- 
ship ; but with none did I ever find this delicious 
foretaste of the society in Elysium, where a never- 
failing politeness was not mingled in all their thoughts, 
words and actions to each other. 





SERVANTS. 

CHAPTER 30. 

OR fear of being suspected of that 
mean and ungenerous sentiment 
of desiring to make others feel 
that difference which fortune 
has, and perhaps too unde- 
servedly made between us, I am 
more upon my guard, as to my behavior to my servants 
and to others who are called my inferiors than I am 
towards my equals. 

It would be difficult to express the sense of etiquette 
on this subject better than by these words of Lord 
Chesterfield. 

Much has been said respecting bad servants, and 
there are a great many bad ones amongst the numer- 
ous class ; but it is more their misfortune than their 
fault ; they are for the most part taken from a class 
of society who do not attend properly to the training 
of their children, and are placed too frequently with 
those who pay no attention to their comfort. 

Treat your servants always with kindness but at 
the same time with firm respect for yourself; on no 
account be familiar with them, neither hear their tat- 
tle, nor tattle with them, and you will have at least a 
chance of sometimes making them attentive, zealous, 

899 



SERVANTS. 397' 

and grateful, rud of having your services performed 
with order and alacrity. 

Do not scold your servants ; you had better turn 
them away at once. When they need reproof, give 
them it in a calm, dignified and firm manner ; but 
on no account, if you can possibly avoid it, find fault 
with them in the presence of strangers, even though 
they should let fall the tray with your best set of china 
upon it. 

The ton of the mistress of a house is often affected, 
if not measured, by that of her servants ; take care, 
therefore, to make them civil and polite teach them 
to assist your visitors in putting off and on their over- 
coats, cloaks, &c. and let them always be ready to 
open the door when your guests arrive or depart. 

Accustom your servants never to appear before you 
too slatternly or too finely dressed ; never allow them 
to enter into conversation with each other in your 
presence, nor to answer you by signs or coarse terms. 

If you have only one servant, talk of her by her 
Christian name ; if you have more, talk of them by 
the names of their offices, such as nurse, cook, house- 
maid, butler, footman, but always address them by 
their Christian names. 

Although you must avoid all familiar confidential 
conversation, never speak to your servants with hau- 
teur nor harshness. 

Never entertain your visitors with any narrative of 
your servants' improprieties. 

Give no o< vwJon for them to complain of you; 



398 SERVANTS. 

but never suffer yourself to complain of them with- 
out first ascertaining that your complaint is just, see- 
iiig that it has attention, and that the fault com- 
plained of is remedied. 

Beware of giving servants the inch; there is no 
class so prone, under such circumstances, to take 
the ell. 

If staying in a friend's house, you may assume, to 
a certain extent, that your friend's servants are your 
servants. But this must be only so far as you are 
yourself concerned. You must not, on any account, 
give directions respecting the general conduct of the 
menage. For all your own personal wants, however, 
you are free to command their services. Ask for 
anything, under their control, that may be lacking in 
your own room ; do not send them on errands, how- 
ever, without first ascertaining that it will not inter- 
fere with their regular routine of household duty. It 
is contrary to all laws of etiquette to trouble your 
host or hostess with all your petty wants. 

Never apologize for the trouble you give them ; 
but if you should, through illness or other cause, oc- 
casion more work than a visitor ordinarily brings to 
a household, let the gift, which, in any case, you 
would make to the servants on leaving the house, be 
somewhat heavier than would otherwise have been 
necessary. 

This question of fees to servants is a very impor- 
tant one. Many people are disposed to regard it as 
an imposition which is tolerated only through the 



SERVANTS. :399 

force of custom. Others view it in the light of pay- 
ing for an extra burden, which their presence has 
laid upon the servant's shoulders. The latter view, 
if not entirely the correct one, is, at least, as reason* 
able as the former, and a generous nature will prob- 
ably adopt it. " But all cannot afford to make these 
presents," and " The servants are hired on the ex- 
press understanding that they will have to serve 
their employer's guests, as part of the work they are 
engaged to do." 

With regard to the amount of fees to servants in a 
-household, it is not possible to lay down any precise 
rule. Much must depend on the length of the visit, 
the position of the master of the house, and the po- 
sition in which you are supposed to stand toward 
him ; and on each of these points you must exercise 
your own discretion, and consult your own means or 
generosity. 

Gentlemen give fees to the men servants only, as a 
general rule, and ladies give to the female servants 
only ; and though the strict observance of this rule 
may seem at times to work injustice, it is better to 
adhere .to it than to mar the comfort and position of 
those who come after you, and who may not have 
the means of being liberal over and above the pre- 
scribed standard. 

At a dinner party, an evening company, a ball, or 
like occasions, it is customary, on coming away, to 
give a trifle, the gentleman to the waiter who hands 
him his hat, etc., the lady to the attendant in the 



400 SERVANTS. 

dressing-room; but you are not called upon to re- 
member every servant in attendance. 

Fees to railway porters and others are certainly 
not required by the rules of etiquette to be paid. 
The payment of them is indeed forbidden by many 
of the railway companies ; but the receiving of them 
is winked at, the result being that travelers who 
want attendance are, for the most part, obliged to 
pay for it. The system is, however, a pernicious 
one, and travelers should discourage it as much as 
possible, if only for the sake of those who cannot af- 
ford to sustain it. 

It is generally wise and right, after a due experi- 
ence of the principles and intentions of servants, to 
place confidence in their honesty, and to let them 
have the comfort of knowing that you do so. At the 
same time never cease to exercise a system of super- 
vision. The great principle of housekeeping is regu- 
larity, and without this (one of the most difficult of 
the minor virtues to practice), all efforts to promote 
order must be ineffectual. 

In this country, servants are proverbially more 
troublesome than in Europe, where service is often 
transmitted through generations in one family. Here, 
the housekeeper is obliged to change often, taking 
frequently the most ignorant of the lower classes of 
foreigners to train into good and useful servants, 
only to have them become dissatisfied as soon as 
they become acquainted with others, who instil the 
republican doctrine of perfect equality into their 



SERVANTS. 401 

minds, ruining them for good servants. There are 
some points of etiquette, however, upon which every 
lady should insist : 

Never allow a servant to keep people waiting upon 
the door-step. 

Never allow servants to treat any one disrespect- 
fully. 

Never allow servants to turn their own proper 
duties over to the children or other servants by a 
bribe. Many fond parents would be amazed if they 
knew how much running and actual work was per- 
formed by little Nellie or Charlie, and how many fits 
of mysterious indigestion were caused by the rich 
cake, candy, or half-ripe fruit that paid for the service 
and bribed the silence. 

Never allow a servant to keep a visitor standing 
parleying on the door- step, while she holds the door 
ajar. Train the door-servant to admit any caller 
promptly, show them to the parlor, bring up their 
cards at once, and return with your answer or mes- 




HOME DECORATION. 

FLOWERS. 

CHAPTER 31. 

HERE is nothing cheaper, there is 
nothing more beautiful, there is 
nothing that makes a house more 
cheerful than flowers. They are 
ready and willing to smile in 
beauty and loveliness on all who 
will cultivate their acquaintance 
and give them hospitality. Here 
is an example which will cost very 
little besides the labor : 

Take an old tin pan condemned 
to the retired list by reason of holes in the bottom, 
get twenty-five cents' worth of green paint for this 
and other purposes, and paint it. The holes in the 
bottom are a recommendation for its new service. If 
there are no holes, you must drill two or three, a* 
drainage is essential. Now put a layer one inch deep 
of broken charcoal and potsherds over the bottom, ancj 
then soil, in the following proportions : 

Two-fourths wood soil, such as you find in foresta 
under trees. 

One-fourth clean sand. 

402 




A 

4s 



p 

fgw 



HOME DECORATIONS. 



HOME DECORATION. 403 

One-fourth meadow-soil, taken from under fresh 
turf. Mix with this some charcoal dust. 

In this soil plant all sorts of ferns, together with 
some few swamp-grasses ; and around the edge put a 
border of money-plant or periwinkle to hang over. 
This will need to be watered once or twice a week, 
and it will grow and thrive all summer long in a 
corner of your room. Should you prefer, you can 
suspend it by wires and make a hanging-basket. 
Ferns and wood-grasses need not have sunshine 
they grow well in shadowy places. 

On this same principle you can convert a salt-box 
or an old drum of figs into a hanging-basket. Tack 
bark and pine-cones and moss upon the outside of it, 
drill holes and pass wires through it, and you have a 
woodland hanging-basket, which will hang and grow 
in any corner of your house. 

We have been into rooms which, by the simple dis- 
position of articles of this kind, have been made to 
have an air so poetical and attractive that they seem- 
ed more like a nymph's cave than anything in the real 
world. 

Another mode of disposing of ferns is this : Take a 
flat piece of board sawed out something like a shield, 
with a hole at the top for hanging it up. 

Upon the board nail a wire-pocket made of an ox- 
muzzle flattened on one side ; or make something of 
the kind with stiff wire. Line this with a sheet of 
close moss, which appears green behind the wire net- 
work. Then you fill it with loose, spongy moss, such 



404 HOME DECORATION. 

as you find in swamps, and plant therein great plumes 
of fern and various swamp-grasses ; they will con- 
tinue to grow there, and hang gracefully over. When 
watering, set a pail under for it to drip into. It needs 
only to keep this moss always damp, and to sprinkle 
these ferns occasionally with a whisk-broom, to have 
a most lovely ornament for your room or hall. 

The use of ivy in decorating a room is beginning 
to be generally acknowledged. It needs to be plant- 
ed in the kind of soil we have described, in a well- 
drained pot or box, and to have its leaves thoroughly 
washed once or twice a year in strong suds made 
with soft soap, to free it from dust and scale-bug : 
and an ivy will live and thrive and wind about in a 
room, year in and year out, will grow around pic- 
tures, and do almost anything to oblige you that you 
can suggest to it. 

Pretty brackets can be made of common pine, or- 
namented with odd-growing twigs or mosses or roots, 
scraped and varnished, or in their native state. 

A beautiful ornament for a room with pictures is 
German ivy. Slips of this will start without roots in 
bottles of water. Slide the bottle behind the picture, 
and the ivy will seem to come from fairyland, and 
hang its verdure in all manner of pretty curves 
around the picture. It may then be trained to 
travel toward other ivy, and thus aid in forming 
green cornice along the ceiling. We have seen some 
rooms that had an ivy cornice around the whole, 
giving tho air of a leafy bower. 



HOME DECORATION. 403 

There are some other odd devices to ornament a 
room. For example, a sponge, kept wet by daily 
immersion, can be filled with flax-seed and suspended 
by a cord, when it will ere long be covered with ver- 
dure and afterward with flowers. 

A sweet potato, laid in a bowl of water on a 
bracket, or still better, suspended by a knitting- 
needle, run through or laid across the bowl half in 
the water, will, in due time, make a beautiful ver- 
dant ornament. A large carrot, with the smallest 
half cut off, scooped out to hold water and then sus- 
pended with cords, will send out graceful shoots in 
rich profusion. 

Half a cocoa-nut shell, suspended, will hold earth 
or water for plants, and make a pretty hanging- 
garden. 

The best foundations are the cheap wooden bowls, 
which are quite easy to get, and the walks in the 
woods can be made interesting by bringing home 
material for this rustic work. Different colored 
twigs and sprays of trees, such as the bright scarlet 
of the dog-wood, the yellow of the willow, the black 
of the birch, and the silvery gray of the poplar, may 
be combined in fanciful net-work. For this sort of 
work, no other investment is needed than a hammer 
and an assortment of different-sized tacks, and beau- 
tiful results will be produced. 

But the greatest and cheapest and most delightful 
fountain of beauty is a " Ward case." 

J^ow, immediately all our economical friends give 



406 HOME DECORATION. 

up in despair. Ward's cases sell all the way along 
from eighteen to fifty dollars, and are, like every- 
thing else in this lower world, regarded as the sole 
perquisites of the rich. 

It is true that plate glass, and hot-house plants, 
and rare patterns, are the especial inheritance of the 
rich ; but any family may command all the requisites 
of a Ward case for a very small sum. Such a case is 
a small glass closet over a well-drained box of soil. 
You make a Ward case on a small scale when you 
turn a tumbler over a plant. The glass keeps the 
temperature moist and equable, and preserves the 
plants from dust, and the soil being well drained, 
they live and thrive accordingly. The requisites of 
these are the glass top and the bed of well-drained 
soil. 

Suppose you have a common cheap table, four 
feet long and two wide. Take off the top boards of 
your table, and with them board the bottom across 
tight and firm ; then line it with zinc, and you will 
have a sort of box or sink on legs. Now make a top 
of common window -glass such as you would get for a 
cucumber-frame ; let it be two and a half feet high, 
with a ridge-pole like a house, and a slanting roof of 
glass resting on this ridge-pole ; on one end let there 
be a door two feet square. 

We have seen a Ward case made in this way, in 
which the capabilities for producing ornamental 
effect were greatly beyond many of the most elabo- 
rate ones of the shops. It was large, and roomy, 



HOME DECORATION. 407 

and cheap. Common window-sash and glass are not 
dear, and any man with moderate ingenuity could 
fashion such a glass closet for his wife ; or a woman, 
not having such a husband, can do it herself. 

The sink or DOX part must have in the middle of it 
a hole of good size for drainage. In prepariDg for 
the reception of plants, first turn a plant-saucer over 
this hole, which may otherwise become stopped. 
Then, as directed for 'the other basket, proceed with 
a layer of broken charcoal and potsherds for drain- 
age, two inches deep, and prepare the soil as directed 
Above, and add to it some pounded charcoal, or the 
scrapings of the charcoal-bin. In short, more or less 
charcoal and charcoal-dust are always in order in the 
treatment of these moist subjects, as it keeps them 
from fermenting and growing sour. 

Now for filling the case. 

Our own native forest-ferns have a period in the 
winter months when they cease to grow. They are 
very particular in asserting their right to this yearly 
nap, and will not on any consideration, grow for you 
out of their appointed season. 

Nevertheless, we shall tell you what we have tried 
ourselves, because greenhouse ferns are expensive, 
and often great cheats when you have bought them, 
and die on your hands in the most reckless and 
shameless manner. If you make a Ward case in the 
spring, your ferns will grow beautifully in it all sum- 
mer ; and in the autumn, though they stop growing, 
and cease to throw out leaves, yet the old leaves will 



408 HOME DECORATION. 

remain fresh and green till the time for starting the 
new ones in the spring. 

But, supposing you wish to start your case in the 
(all, out of such things as you can find in the forest ; 
by searching carefully the rocks and clefts and reces- 
ses of the forest, you can find a quantity of beautiful 
ferns whose leaves the frost has not yet assailed. 
Gather them carefully, remembering that the time of 
the plant's sleep has come, and that you must make 
the most of the leaves it now has, as you will not 
have a leaf more from it till its waking-up time in 
February or March. But we have succeeded, and 
you will succeed, in making a very charming and 
picturesque collection. You can make in your Ward 
case lovely little grottoes with any bits of shells and 
minerals, and rocks you may have; you can lay 
down, here and there, fragments of broken looking- 
glass for the floor of your grottoes, and the effect of 
them will be magical. A square of looking-glass 
introduced into the back side of your case will pro- 
duce charming effects. 

The trailing arbutus or May-flower, if cut up care- 
fully in sods, and put into this Ward case, will come 
into bloom there a month sooner than it otherwise 
would, and gladden your eyes and heart. 

In the fall, if you can find the tufts of eye-bright 
or Houstonia cerulia, and mingle them in with your 
mosses, you will find them blooming before the winter 
is well over. 

But among the most beautiful things for such c 



HOME DECORATION. 409 

case is the partridge-berry, with its red plums. The 
berries swell and increase in the moist atmosphere, 
and become intense in color, forming an admirable 
ornament. 

Then the ground pine, the princess pine, and vari- 
ous nameless pretty things of the woods, all flourish 
in these little conservatories. In getting your sod of 
trailing arbutus, remember that this plant forms its 
buds in the fall. You must, therefore, examine 
your sod carefully, and see if the buds are there ; 
otherwise you will find no blossoms in the spring. 

There are one or two species of violets, also, that 
form their buds in the fall, and these, too, will blos- 
som early for you. 

We have never tried the wild anemones, the crow- 
foot, etc. ; but as they all do well in moist, shady 
places, we recommend hopefully the experiment of 
putting some of them in. 

A Ward case has this recommendation over com- 
mon house-plants, that it takes so little time and 
care. If well made in the outset, and thoroughly 
drenched with water when the plants are first put in, 
it will after that need only to be watered about once a 
month, and to be ventilated by occasionally leaving 
open the door for a half-hour or hour when the moist- 
ure obscures the glass and seems in excess. 





AMUSEMENTS. 

CHAPTER 32. 



HREE things are to be borne in 
mind while getting up amuse- 
ments for a party. 

First, to get up an entertain- 
ment that as many as possible 
can partake in, for participation 
is a part of enjoyment. 

Second, That in the entertain- 
ment there shall be nothing to which there can be any 
objection, or which shall cause unpleasant remark and 
leave unpleasant memories. 

Third, That the real object of the amusement shall 
be gained, namely, that all shall be amused. 

There are many amusements to which attention 
could be directed, among which are 

SHAKESPEARE READINGS. 

Shakespeare reading clubs, amateur dramas, cha- 
rades, and tableaux are deservedly the popular home 
amusements of the present day. They certainly 
strengthen the lungs and memory, and improve the 
intellectual tastes. These amusements are peculiarly 
adapted to enliven long winter evenings, and they 



AMVSMMENT& 411 

furnish a far better way of spending an evening than 
in more sentimental and childish games, that may be- 
come a party of children, but ill become a company 
of men and women. 

Some clubs read Shakespeare alone. It is most 
certainly a noble study, and one we can never weary 
of. Few can hope ever to excel in delineating Shake- 
speare. Therefore it is well, if we meet together for 
social enjoyment as well as improvement, to have a 
variety of plays, such as Sheridan Knowles's plays. 
Also, it is an admirable way of learning to converse 
easily in German and French to read plays in the 
different languages. In reading these plays, the 
parts, in the beginning, should be given to different 
members. 

The librettos of many excellent plays can be bought 
for a very small sum, such as " Ion," " Hunchback," 
" William Tell," " Love's Sacrifice," and many other 
excellent old plays. These small books are less cum- 
bersome to carry around. It is well, before the club 
meets to read any play, to have each person read 
over his or her part, so as to be able to comprehend 
the character. Therefore the play to be read at each 
reading should be given out at the close of every 
meeting, and the parts selected, each member having 
an equal share. Such clubs are far more agreeable 
to their members, and less likely to cause unpleasant 
rivalries, than clubs for private theatricals, as private 
actors are often jealous, for human nature, alas ! is 
weak. 




2 AMUSEMENTS. 

PEIVATE DRAMAS. 

Private dramas amuse a large circle of friends, and 
any club willing to undertake the presentation of 
plays deserve the thanks of their audience. 

Even a simple farce requires much labor and fre- 
quent rehearsals to be well acted, and one soon wea- 
ries of the constant repetition of even witty sayings. 
The most trivial character must be carefully studied, 
for one bad actor often destroys the effect of the 
whole play. Then the footlights, stage, &c., must be 
prepared. A few directions, with a list of easy farces, 
may be of service. AU who live in cities can easily 
hire scenery, dresses, &c., but for the benefit of towns 
and villages, we will give a short account of how such 
things can be managed. 

Some lady can almost always be found who will 
give the use of her house. A house should be select- 
ed which has two parlors, connected by large folding- 
doors or an arch ; one parlor being for the audience, 
and the other for the stage. All the furniture and 
carpets should be taken from the latter room. A 
rough staging should be built (boards can be easily 
hired), and by boring a hole in the floor, a gas-pipe 
can be run up along the front of the staging, with a 
sufficient number of burners. Tin shades painted 
green (as they render the light softer, and more agree- 
able to the eye), are an addition, for they keep the 
light from the audience, and throw it directly on the 
actors. A large floor-cloth can be nailed on the stage 




AMUSKMENTS. 



AMUSEMENTS. 4 *3 

for a carpet. A drop-curtain, so arranged as to be 
rolled up quickly and easily, by means of a cord-pul- 
ley at one side of the stage, where the prompter sits, 
just out of sight of the audience, is necessary. Scen- 
ery for the sides and back parts of the stage can be 
roughly painted on cloth ; it answers every purpose 
of canvas, by being strained when wet, over light 
wooden frames (made so as to be easily moved); 
when dry, it presents a smooth, hard surface. 

Each member should provide his or her own dress. 
To give the required expressions to the faces, a box 
of good water-colors, some fine chalk-powder, camel's- 
hair pencils, and rouge-saucers are wanted. To make 
frowns, scowls, or comical expressions, such as a broad 
grin, smirk, or simper, stand before a mirror and as- 
sume the desired expression ; then trace the wrinkles 
produced with a fine brush of the brown tint ; this 
will fix the required expression on your face. Kouge 
is best applied with the finger. Burnt cork is excel- 
lent for darkening eyebrows and making moustaches, 
also for representing leanness, which will be done by 
applying a faint tint just under the eyes, on the sides 
of the cheeks, and under the lower lip. A strong 
mark running from the corner of the nose down to- 
ward the corner of the mouth on each side marks 
age or emaciation. 

A few directions may be of use in regard to th* 
preparation of theatrical dresses. Powdered wigs 
can be made of tow, ravelled yarn, or gray-colored 
horse hair ; beards and moustache of the same, or a 



414 AMUSEMENTS. 

piece of buffalo-skin. Ermine can be made of cotton 
flannel, with tags of lion-skin cloth sewed on, or 
black tags painted. Pelisse wadding is sometimes 
used. 

Crowns and sceptres are easily made of pasteboard 
and gold paper. Velvet talma-cloaks, capes, or even 
the loose velvet sack, can be converted into cavalier- 
cloaks (the armholes in the sack must be fastened up 
on the inside) by fastening them gracefully over one 
shoulder. Then put on a large old-fashioned lace 
collar, ruffles around the hand, a Kossuth hat, looped 
up on one side with a paste-pin or buckle, fastening 
a white or black plume (taken from some lady's bon- 
net), stockings drawn over the pantaloons and fas- 
tened at the knees with bows and buckles ; and, lo ! 
with but little trouble, you have a fine cavalier of the 
olden times. "With old finery and little ingenuity, a 
theatrical wardrobe can be quickly made, if all are 
willing to do their part, but the larger share of the 
work is generally done by a few. Rocks can be made 
by throwing plain gray blanket -shawls over ottomans, 
tables, &c. Kain may be imitated by dropping peas 
in a tin pan ; thunder, by rattling sheet-iron ; light- 
ning, by means of a tin tube, larger at one end than 
the other, and filled with powdered resin. The 
smaller end of the tube should be open, the other 
end so managed that the resin may sift through. 
Shake the tube over a lamp, or blow the resin 
through a plain tube into the flame of a lamp, and 
you will have a good imitation of lightning. 



AMUSEMENTS. * 15 

CHARADE& 

There is no game that can aftora so much amuse- 
ment to a circle of friends as that 01 acting charades. 
It affords a scope for the exercise of both wit and 
ingenuity. 

A word must be chosen, in which the syllables may 
be rendered into some kind of a lively performance, 
and the whole word must be capable of similar rep- 
resentation. Then the plan of action must be agreed 
upon. Old-fashioned garments, gay shawls, scarfs, 
old coats, hats, aprons, gowns, etc., must be looked 
up for the occasion, and speedily converted into vari- 
ous and grotesque costumes, suited to the representa- 
tion to be made. By exercising a little ingenuity, 
very fine charades can be acted " impromptu." Speed, 
in all preparations, is quite necessary to success, as 
an audience is always impatient. If it is determined 
to have charades at a party, the lady of the house 
should arrange dresses, plan of action, and subjects 
beforehand. She can generally tell who can assist 
her best. If all the arrangements can be made with- 
out the knowledge of her guests, the effect will be 
greatly increased. This is also an improving game 
for a family of children. Write the plot and a simple 
iialogue, and let them learn it ; it will be a good ex- 
ercise for the memory, and teach them ease of man- 
ner ; but let them only act before a home circle. 

For a good charade party, twelve or more persons 
are desirable, and two rooms, connecting by sliding 



416 AMUSEMENTS. 

or folding doors, are the most convenient, though 
two connecting by only a single door will do, if the 
party is not a large one. 

First, two persons should be chosen managers ; 
then the managers must choose sidec, so that the 
company will be about equally divided. The sides 
then take separate rooms, to become, alternately, 
actors and audience ; the managers draw lots to see 
which side shall act first. Those that are to begin, 
first choose a word, then proceed to represent it. A 
common way is to divide the word into syllables, and 
present one at each scene, then, after having gone 
through the word, if the other side cannot guess it, a 
scene is given to represent the whole word. When 
all is ready for a scene, the door is thrown open for 
the others to look in and guess it. Frequently a 
whole word is given at once in one scene. The man 
ager must always announce whether one syllable or 
more is given. After giving the audience time to 
guess it or give it up, the^ parties change rooms, and 
the other side must act ; they will, of course, have 
their word selected and all arrangements made, as 
they had sufficient time while waiting for the 
others. 

In acting the word, each party must try to mystify 
the other, yet the syllable must be well represented ; 
but there can be by-play to divert the audience from 
the real word. The party that guesses the whole 
word the soonest are considered the conquering 
party. Care must be taken not to let the actors 



AMUSEMENTS. 417 

know if the audience guess the word before it is fully 
acted. 

Sometimes in the place of words, proverbs are 
acted. Each word is acted in turn, or two words are 
acted in one scene ; if the latter, before the scene is 
acted, some one of the actors can inform the audience 
that they will act two words of the proverb. 

For the sake of learners we will suggest a few 
words and proverbs that can be acted. Do-na-tion; 
con-ju-gate ; so-li-cit ; dumb-found ; slow and sure ; 
all is not gold that glitters ; a stitch in time saves 
nine ; little pitchers have big ears. 

TABLEAUX YIVANTS. 

Tableaux vivants, as commonly represented, are 
so well understood that no directions are necessary ; 
but some of our readers may not have heard of the 
illustration of poems, etc., by a series of living pic- 
tures. This is far more interesting than simply to 
personify some one picture. Still another way is to 
represent the different verses and scenes in a song in 
pantomime, while at the same time some one who is 
a good musician sings the verses of the song, as they 
are represented. For instance, " The Mistletoe 
Bough:" first represent a room decorated with 
green, a company assembled, gayly dressed and 
dancing, while a lady or gentleman behind the scene 
sings the verse represented in distinct tones, and so 
on through the whole song ; the last scene, represent- 
ing children in a lumber-room opening an old chest, 



418 AMUSEMENTS. 

and exposing a skeleton, old flowers, etc. "Auld 
Robin Gray," " The Three Fishers," "O, they 
marched through the Town," " She wore a Wreath oJ* 
Roses," v< The Minstrel's Eeturn from the War," are 
all excellent ballads to represent. 

TABLEAUX OF STATUARY. 

This is a new form of tableaux, and if weh 1 doca. 
exceedingly beautiful. 

To prepare and arrange groups of statuary, re- 
quires artistic skill, patience, and steady nerves ; the 
two last qualities are necessary for those actiug as 
statues. 

A lady who excels in preparing groups of statues, 
as we can testify, has kindly permitted us to give to 
the public her manner of preparing them. 

First, some effective groups of statuary must be 
selected, and carefully examined. Then those per- 
sons who are willing to gratify their friends by act- 
ing as statues, can be arranged in the different 
groups according to their fitness ; those acting as 
statues require marked features, and in most groups 
fine figures to build upon, as drapery conceals minor 
faults. All that can be prepared before the evening ? 
are the head-gear and the articles for drapery. A 
cap must be made of white linen or cotton, closely 
fitting the head. Take candle-wicking, and knit it 
on common sized ivory needles, wet it in hot water, 
and iron it dry. Then ravel it out, and cut it into the 
desirable lengths, and fasten it to the cap like a wig. 



AMUSEMENTS. * 

When placed on the head, this candle-wicking can 
be arranged according to the statue to be repre- 
sented, and it will resemble the hair carved in mar- 
ble. If expense is not to be considered, the dra- 
pery should be made of cotton flannel, as it hangs 
heavier, and is more easily arranged than sheets, 
which are generally used to save expense. From 
three to four sheets are often required for the dra- 
pery of one person, as it is necessary to hang in such 
heavy folds to look like marble. One is usually 
doubled up and tied around the waist, the others 
folded, tied, and pinned, to resemble the drapery of 
the statue represented ; rules are impossible to give, 
as the arrangement can only be made by an ingen- 
ious as well as an artistic person. Now comes the 
most disagreeable part, that of painting all exposed 
parts, such as neck, face, hands, or feet, to resemble 
marble. First, common whiting must be mixed 
smoothly in water, the consistency of milk. This is 
put on with a shaving brush, and every part wholly 
covered with this preparation; let that nearly dry, 
then rub it in with the hand, then rub in lily white, 
to give the flesh, besides the whiteness of marble, the 
soft look of polished marble. The lips are finished 
at the last moment. Old white stocking legs drawn 
over the arms will save the trouble of painting them. 
Then the statues are ready to be grouped for exhibi- 
tion. Any person who is nervous, restless, and 
easily inclined to laugh, cannot act as a statue. It is 
not possible to realize the beauty of such a group of 



420 AMUSEMENTS. 

living statuary, when well done, unless it has been 
once seen. We advise those attempting to get up 
exhibitions for the benefit of some charitable object, 
to try a few groups of living statuary ; it is very 
effective to an audience. 

LIGHTS AND SHADES. 

If you wish to throw the background of a tableau 
into shadow, place screens between the lights at the 
sides of the stage and that part of the picture you 
wish to have dark ; vice versa with the foreground. 
Particular points or characters may be more brill- 
iantly lighted than others, by placing at the side of 
the stage a strong light within a large box, open at 
one side, and lined with bright tin reflectors. 

Lights of different colors can be thrown succes- 
sively on a picture, and made to blend one with 
another, by placing the various colored fires in 
boxes three feet square, open at one side, and lined 
with reflectors. Those arranged at the sides of the 
stage on pivots can be turned on, one after another, 
so as to throw their light on the stage. Before one 
light has entirely vanished from the scene, a different 
color should gradually take its place. 





FTIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. 



ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. 

CHAPTER 33. 

TILES of strict etiquette forbid 
taking a child when making 
formal calls, as they are a re- 
straint upon conversation, even 
if they are not troublesome 
about touching forbidden ar- 
ticles, or teasing to go home. 

Never take a child to a fu- 
neral, or to the house of 
mourning. 

Never allow a child to take 
a meal at a friend's house 
without special invitation. It 
is impossible to know how much she may be incon- 
venienced, while her regard for the mother would 
deter her from sending the little visitor home again. 
Never allow a child to handle goods in a store. 
Never send for children to meet visitors in the 
drawing-room, unless the visitors themselves request 
to see them. Make their stay then very brief, and 
be careful that they are not troublesome. 

Never take a child to church until it is old enough to 
remain perfectly quiet. Although you may be accus- 
tomed to its restless movements, and not disturbed 
by them, others near you will certainly feel annoyed 
by them. 

It is not etiquette to put a child to sleep in the 

421 




422 ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. 

room of a guest, nor to allow children to go at all to 
a guest's room, unless especially invited to do so, and 
even then to make long stay there. 

Etiquette excludes children from all companies 
given to grown persons, all parties and balls, except 
such as are especially given for their pleasure. 

When invited to walk or drive, never take a child, 
unless it has been invited, or you have requested 
permission to do so ; even in the latter case, the con- 
sent is probably given more from good-nature than 
from any desire to have a juvenile third to the party. 

Never crowd children into pic-nic parties, if they 
have not been invited. They generally grow weary 
and very troublesome before the day is over. 

Never take a child to spend the day with a friend 
unless it has been included in the invitation. 

Never allow children to be in the drawing-room if 
strangers are present. 

Never permit children to handle the ornaments in 
the drawing-room of a friend. 

Never allow a child to pull a visitor's dress, play 
with the jewelry or ornaments she may wear, take 
her parasol or satchel for a plaything, or in any way 
annoy her. 

Train children early to answer politely when ad- 
dressed, to avoid restless, noisy motions when in 
company, and gradually inculcate a love of the 
gentle courtesies of life. By making the rules of 
etiquette habitual to them, you remove all awkward- 
ness and restraint from their manners when they are 
aid enough to go into society. 



ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. 423 

Never send a child to sit upon a sofa with grown 
people, unless they express a desire to have it do so. 

Never crowd a child into a carriage seat between 
two grown people. 

Never let a child play with a visitor's hat or cane. 

If children are talented, be careful you do not 
weary your friends, and destroy their own modesty 
by "showing them off," upon improper occasions. 
What may seem wonderful to a mother, may be an 
unutterable weariness to a guest, too polite to allow 
the mother to perceive the incipient yawn. 

Never allow children to visit upon the invitation of 
other children. "When they are invited by the older 
members of the family, it is time to put on their 
" best bibs and tuckers." 

The custom for having children in the drawing- 
room for morning or evening parties, or in the din- 
ing-room with the dessert at dinner companies, is 
not only often an annoyance to the guests, but bad 
for the children themselves. 

It is one of the first duties of parents to train their 
children at home as they would have them appear 
abroad. An English lady writes thus : 

" If, then, we desire that our children shall become 
ladies and gentlemen, can we make them so, think 
you, by lavishing money upon foreign professors, 
dancing-masters, foreign travel, tailors, and dress- 
makers? Ah, no! good breeding is far less costly, 
and begins far earlier than those things. Let our 
little ones be nurtured in an atmosphere of gentleness 
and kindness from the nursery upwards ; let them 



424 ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. 

grow up in a home where a rude gesture or an ill- 
tempered word are alike unknown ; where between 
father and mother, master and servant, mistress and 
maid, friend and friend, parent and child, brother 
and sister, prevails the law of truth, of kindness, of 
Consideration for others, and forgetfulness of self. 
Can they carry into the world, whither we send them 
later, aught of coarseness, of untruthfulness, of slat- 
ternliness, of vulgarity, if their home has been 
orderly, if their parents have been refined, their ser- 
vants well mannered, their friends and playmates 
kindly and carefully trained as themselves ? Do we 
want our boys to succeed in the world ; our girls to 
be admired and loved ; their tastes to be elegant ; 
their language choice ; their manners simple, charm- 
ing, refined, and graceful; their friendship elevating? 
Then we must ourselves be what we would have our 
children to be, remembering the golden maxim, that 
good manners, like charity, must begin at home. 

" Good manners are an immense social force. We 
should, therefore, spare no pains to teach our 
children what to do, and what to avoid doing, in 
their pathway through life. 

"On utilitarian as well as social principles, we 
should try to instruct our children in good manners ; 
for whether we wish them to succeed in the world, or 
to adorn society, the point is equally important. We 
must never lose sight of the fact, that here teachers 
and professors can do little, and that the only way 
in which it is possible to acquire the habits of good 
society is, to live in no other*" 




ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS. 

CHAPTER 34. 

'IFFERENT churches have their 
own peculiar forms for the bap- 
tism of infants, but there are 
certain customs and observan- 
ces which hold in the world of 
good society, independent of the 
religious ceremonies. A few 
hints will suffice, as each sect 
has its own peculiar forms known to the members of 
that church ; we do not profess to guide these, but 
merely the worldly observances. 

It is not customary to invite mere acquaintances 
to be godfather or godmother to an infant; these 
should be tried friends of long standing, or better 
still, near relations, to whom the obligations thus im- 
posed will be pleasures and not tasks. 

It is customary for the maternal grandmother and 
the paternal grandfather to act as sponsors for the 
first child ; the paternal grandmother and the mater- 
nal grandfather as sponsors for the second child. If 
the grand-parents are not living, the nearest relatives 
of the same church should be invited. 

It is unkind, as well as impolite, to refuse to act in 
this capacity towards children who, from poverty or 
other reasons, may occupy an inferior position in society 
to your own. 

Never invite any friends to be godfather or god- 
425 



428 ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS. 

mother, wlio are not of the same church as the child 
to be baptized. 

"When you are invited to stand godfather or god- 
mother to an infant, never refuse without grave cause, 
and then do so immediately, that the parents may 
have time to make other arrangements. 

It is customary to allow the grandmother herself 
to select the godfather. 

In the Protestant churches, it is customary to de- 
fer the baptism until the mother of the child can be 
present 

It is always- desirable to have the ceremony per- 
formed in the church, if possible ; but if there is a 
necessity for it, such as the illness of the child or the 
parents, it can take place in the house of the parents, 
by their special request. 

No one should ever offer to act as sponsor for a 
child. It is the privilege of the parents to make the 
selection amongst their relatives or friends. 

It is customary for the sponsors to make the babe 
a present. If it is a little boy, the godfather gives a 
silver cup, with the full name engraved upon it, and 
the godmother some pretty piece of silver, jewelry, or 
dress. If a little girl, it is the godmother who gives 
the cup, and the godfather the other gift. Where 
the sponsors are wealthy, it is not unusual to fill the 
christening-cup with gold pieces. The god-mother 
often adds to her gift the christening robe and cap, 
both trimmed with white ribbons for a babe should 
wear only pure white when presented for baptism. 



ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS. 427 

It is contrary to etiquette to invite young persons 
to stand as sponsors for an infant. 

In the Roman Catholic Church, it is customary to 
baptize an infant as soon as possible. If the child 
is very delicate, it is customary to send at once for 
the priest, and have the ceremony performed in the 
bed-room ; but if the babe is healthy and likely to 
live, it is usually taken to the church for baptism, as 
young as the physician will permit. 

In entering the church, the nurse, carrying the 
child, goes first ; then follow the sponsors, who do 
not walk arm-in-arm ; then the father, and after him 
.the invited guests. 

"When the ceremony commences, the sponsors 
stand on each side of the child, the godfather on the 
right, and the godmother on the left. 

The babe should be held lying in the arms of the 
nurse, its head upon the right arm. The cap should 
be tied so as to be easily unfastened and removed. 

When the priest asks who are the sponsors of the 
child, it is sufficient for them to incline the head, 
without speaking. 

Baptism is a gratuitous ceremony in the church, 
but it is customary for the father to present some 
token to the clergyman, in the name of the babe, or, 
where parents are wealthy, to make a handsome dona- 
tion to the poor of the parish, through the clergyman. 

If the ceremony is performed at the house of the 
parents, a carriage must be sent to the house of the 
clergyman to convey him to the house of the parents, 



428 ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS. 

and wait until after the ceremony, to convey him 
home again. It is extremely rude to expect a clergy- 
man to provide his own conveyance, or to walk. 

Friends invited to a christening usually carry some 
gift to the babe ; gentlemen a gift of silver, and ladies 
some pretty piece of needlework. 

If the ceremony is performed in the house of the 
parents, or if the guests return there from the church, 
the only refreshments required are cake and wine. 

The father usually gives a present of money to the 
nurse who carries the babe to the church. 

It is not etiquette to remain long at a christening ; 
and it is better taste for the infant to be removed to 
the nursery as soon as the ceremony is over. To 
keep a weary mother sitting up entertaining guests, 
or a cross, tired child on exhibition, are either of 
them in bad taste. 

For a guest to show any annoyance if a child cries 
loudly, or is in any way troublesome, is the height 
of rudeness. Remarks or even frowns are forbidden 
entirely, even if the infant screams so as to make the 
voice of the clergyman entirely inaudible. 

Etiquette requires that the babe be praised if it is 
shown to the guests, even if it is a little monster of 
pink ugliness. Ladies, especially mothers, will see 
something beautiful, if only its helpless innocence ; 
and gentlemen must behold infantile graces, if they 
cannot actually behold them. " Mother's darling " 
must be the great attraction at a christening, if it 
only improves the occasion by a succession of yells. 




ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO. 

CHAPTER 35 

ODES of etiquette may seem unnec- 
essary for those to whom Nature 
has given gentle dispositions and 
pleasing ways, but there are a few 
special rules applicable to visitors 
to artists studios which might 
not suggest themselves as a 
matter of course even to such. 
It is not etiquette to ask an artist the price of his 
picture at sight. 

It is against the rules of etiquette to ask to see an 
unfinished picture, even if it is one that is being 
painted by your own order. 

It is against the rules of etiquette to keep an artist 
waiting, if you are sitting for a portrait. His time is 
of value to him, whatever yours may be to you ; and 
it is equally rude to detain him after the sitting is 
over. His politeness may hinder him from even hint- 
ing to you that you are trespassing upon his hours 
for work, though he may be fretting silently at your 
rudeness in so doing. 

It is excessively ill-bred to criticise harshly, in the 
'presence of an artist, the works displayed in his 

429 



480 ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO. 

studio. Extravagant praise is also in bad taste. A 
few cordial words of praise and pleasure should, of 
course, be spoken, and a friend may sometimes point 
out where improvements could be made ; but it is a 
thankless task generally, and it is in much better taste 
to leave all criticism to the public journals, when the 
paintings are on public exhibition. 

It is contrary to the rules of etiquette to look 
around a studio in which you may be sitting for a 
portrait, unless you are invited by an artist to do so. 

If a visitor sees a painting or a piece of statuary 
which he wishes to possess, he asks simply that he 
may have the refusal of it ; or he says to the artist : 
" I wish to have this picture, if it is not disposed of." 
After leaving the studio, the visitor writes and asks 
the price, of which he is informed by the artist, in 
writing. Should the price be larger than the would- 
be purchaser is disposed to give, he writes again to 
that effect, and it is no breach of etiquette to name 
the sum which he wished to spend upon the work of 
art. This gives an opportunity to the artist of lower- 
ing his price. 

It is not customary to haggle about the sum, and 
the correspondence should not be carried further than 
above, except it be an intimation from the artist that 
he will accept the terms of the purchaser, and that 
the picture is subject to his order, and will be sent 
to him on further instructions. 

Some portrait painters have a practice which, for 
obvious reasons, cannot be adopted by painters of 



ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO. 431 

general subjects. They have a card hung up in a 
conspicuous part of the studio, showing the price at 
which they will execute portraits of the sizes given. 
At the bottom of this card there is generally an inti- 
mation that half the price must be paid at the first 
sitting, the remainder when the portrait is com- 
pleted. 

This practice saves time and trouble, and it would 
be well if other artists could adopt some system where- 
by the price of such paintings as they may have for 
sale might be made known to visitors. But the price 
of a fancy picture is to be ascertained by the artist 
only by what it will bring, and it is quite likely that 
the wealth of the buyer, or his known admiration for 
good paintings, may reasonably make a difference in 
the sum asked by the artist, who might ask a lower 
price of a man whom he knew could not afford so 
much. There is nothing wrong in this, for an artist 
has as much right to get as much more than the mini- 
mum price of his picture as anybody else has to get 
the best price for his labor or his merchandise. 

Portrait painting is, however, pretty much a repe- 
tition of the same sort of work, and the artist would 
be the last man in the world to admit that there 
could be such difference in the execution of the work 
as to warrant a scale of prices in conformity there- 
with. 

It is not etiquette to visit the studio of an artist 
excepting by special invitation, and then only at the 
hours he may appoint. To go at any other time ia 



432 ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO. 

ill-bred ; for although he may be there, he will prob- 
ably be unwiMirig to be disturbed at his work. 

It is ill-bred to take a young child to visit the 
studio of an artist, as there are generally articles 
there of value and easily broken or soiled ; and even 
if the child is well trained, the owner of such articles 
would be in terror lest they should be ruined. 

To uncover any picture or article in a studio that 
may be veiled or hidden from view, is extremely rude. 
It is equally so to turn a picture that is hung to face 
the wall, or standing facing it. 

Gentlemen must never smoke in a studio, unless 
especially invited by the artist to do so. 

To whisper in a studio is excessively ill-bred ; for, 
although you may make a remark entirely independ- 
ent of what is around you, you may rest assured you 
will have the credit of having ridiculed or censured 
some of the pictures you have been invited to examine. 

To behave in a studio as if you were in a store, 
pricing pictures, inquiring about what is for public 
exhibition, what is not ; who ordered this picture, or 
that ; whose portrait this or that may be ; or in any 
way reminding the artist that his genius is merchan- 
dise, is rude and indelicate. 

It is against the rules of etiquette to handle the 
pictures or other articles in a studio. 

It is extremely rude, if an artist continues his em- 
ployment during a visit to his studio, for the visitor 
to stand behind him or very near him, or in any way 
to seem to watch his work. 




PRECIOUS STONES. 

FlNGER-RlNGS, WITH SENTIMENTS. 

CHAPTER 36. 

HE stones have their sermons, 
precious stones their legends and 
poems. Not only do precious 
stones possess particular signifi- 
cations and exercise special 
charms, but they are individually 
sacred to particular months. This 
latter peculiarity many do not profess to understand ; 
but so it is, and so it always has been. Thus, accord- 
ing to the Persians, the Romans, the Poles, and the 
Arabs, the amethyst was sacred to February, and 
February to the amethyst; the stone in question 
being, as its name denotes, " a preservative against 
violent passions and drunkenness." That the blood- 
stone, signifying " courage and wisdom in perilous 
undertakings," should have been chosen by the four 
races who, among all the races of the world, appear 
to have been the greatest amateurs of jewelry, as the 
fit emblem of war like March (whose name is taken 
from Mars, the god of war), is just intelligible. There 
is a certain outward correspondence, too, between the 
emerald and the verdant month of May, with which, 
in the lapidary calendar, it is associated. 

Similarly, the light transparent sapphire goes well 
433 



434 PRECIOUS STONES. 

enough with the showery month of April ; the flam- 
ing ruby with fiery July, the deep red cornelian with 
burning August. It is the inward spiritual meaning 
of this connection between mouths and stones that 
escapes us. Only as regards the ever changing opal 
of autumnal October, denoting "misfortune and 
hope," can we recognize a two-fold significance in 
the type. As much might be said of the pearl, which 
suggests equally tears and the rainy month of No- 
vember. The diamond stands supreme among pre- 
cious stones. The brightest among gems, it out- 
shines all others, as the soprano outshines ah 1 other 
voices in a full choir. It was with diamonds that 
the angels tempted the daughters of men ; with 
diamonds that Mephistophiles caused Margarita to 
be tempted by Faust. Indeed, the fatal light of 
diamonds has led so many to destruction, that per- 
haps for that very reason the most precious of stones 
is not allowed to figure among the "zodiac stones/' 
which, each in its own month, act benignantly on 
those born beneath them as some happy star. 

The virtue of " zodiac stones " was such, that the 
ancients " often had them all set together in an amu- 
let, hoping thereby, no doubt, to derive the various 
benefits each could confer, and thus to circumvent 
fate/' Thus the 

Garnet, Constancy, fidelity. 

Amethyst, Sincerity, 

Bloodstone, Courage, presence of mind. 

Diamond, Innocence. 



THEIR SENTIMENTS. 435 

Emerald, Success in love. 

Agate, Health and long life. 

Cornelian, Contented mind. 

Sardonyx, Conjugal fidelity. 

Chrysolite, Antidote against madness. 

Opal, Hope. 

Topaz, Fidelity. 

Turquoise, Prosperity. 

The Poles have a fanciful belief that each month 
of the year is under the influence of a precious stone, 
which has a corresponding effect on the destiny of a 
person born during the respective month. Conse- 
quently it is customary among friends and lovers, on 
birthdays, to make reciprocal presents of trinkets 
ornamented with the natal stones. The stones and 
their influences, corresponding with each month, are 
supposed to be as follows : January, garnet ; Feb- 
ruary, amethyst ; March, bloodstone ; April, diamond; 
May, emerald ; June, agate ; July, cornelian ; August, 
sardonyx ; September, chrysolite ; October, opal ; No- 
vember, topaz : December, turquoise. 

So very closely are rings connected with precious 
stones, that it is important they should be noticed. 
At this time, and for generations past, they have 
held a prominent place, and have become a matter 
of history, which dates back to the building of the 
pyramids (upward of two thousand years before the 
time of Christ). To attempt to give a full history of 
all the noted rings would occupy more space than 
can be gwen in these few pages. 

It is Supnis or Cheops, King of Memphis, who 



436 FINGER-RINGS. 

caused the Great Pyramid to be made for his monu- 
ment. What a speck, for such a tomb ! The monu- 
ments of man take up much space. Here was a 
whole nation employed to make one man's mauso- 
leum. We fear that the virtues which live after men 
could often go within the compass of their finger-ring. 

To every kingly order or decree connected with 
the foundation of the Great Pyramid or with the 
thousands of men who had to work or with the pro- 
digious material employed, an impression of the 
signet-ring of Suphis had to be attached. Kings 
have been used for higher and holier things; but 
never for so vast a human purpose. 

Caesar's ring bore an armed Venus. On that of 
Augustus, there was first a sphinx, afterwards the 
image of Alexander the Great, and at last his own, 
which the succeeding emperors continued. Pom- 
pey's ring is known. Upon it were engraved three 
trophies, as emblems of his three triumphs over the 
three parts of the world Europe, Asia, and Africa. 

Nero's signet ring bore Apollo flaying of Marsyas. 
This emperor's musical vanity led him to adopt it. 

In Persia, at the present day, letters are seldom 
written and never signed by the person who sends 
them ; and it will thus appear that the authenticity 
of all orders and communications, and even of a 
merchant's bill, depends wholly on an impression 
from his seal-ring. This makes the occupation of a 
seal-cutter one of as much trust and danger as it 
seems to have been in Egypt. Such a person is 



FINGER-RINGS. 437 

obliged to keep a register of every ring-seal he 
makes ; and if one be lost or stolen from the party 
for whom it was cut, his life would answer for mak- 
ing another exactly like it. The loss of a signet-ring 
is considered a serious calamity; and the alarm 
which an Oriental exhibits when his signet is miss- 
ing, can only be understood by a reference to these 
circumstances, as the seal-cutter is always obliged 
to alter the real date at which the seal was cut. 
The only resource of a person who has lost his seal 
is to have another made with a new date, and to 
write to his correspondents to inform them that all 
accounts, contracts, and communications to which his 
former signet is affixed are null from the day on 
which it was lost. 

Arabian princesses wear golden rings on their fin- 
gers, to which little bells are suspended, so that their 
superior rank may be known, and they, themselves, 
receive, in passing, the homage due to them. 

In the year one thousand eight hundred and fifty- 
two, some citizens of California presented President 
Pierce with a gigantic ring. We here give a descrip- 
tion of it. It is a massive gold ring, weighing up- 
ward of a full pound. This monster ring, for chaste- 
ness of design, elegance of execution, and high style 
of finish, has, perhaps, no equal in the world. The 
design is by Mr. George Blake, a mechanic of San 
Francisco. The circular portion of the ring is 
cut into squares, which stand at right angles with 
each other, and are embellished each with a beauti- 



438 FINGER-RINGS. 

fully executed design, the entire group presenting a 
pictorial history of California, from her primitive 
state down to her present flourishing condition, un- 
der the flag of our Union. 

" Thus, there is given a grizzly bear in a menacing 
attitude, a deer bounding down a slope, an enraged 
boa, a soaring eagle, and a salmon. Then we have 
the Indian with his bow and arrow, the primitive 
weapon of self-defense; the native mountaineer on 
horseback, and a Californian on horseback, throwing 
his lasso. Next peeps out a Californian tent. Then 
you see a miner at work, with his pick, the whole 
being shaded by two American flags, with the staves 
crossed and groups of stars in the angles. The part 
of the ring reserved for a seal is covered by a 
solid and deeply carved plate of gold, bearing the 
arms of the State of California in the center, sur- 
mounted by the banner and stars of the United 
States, and inscribed with ' FRANK PIEKCE,' in old 
Roman characters. This lid opens upon a hinge, 
and presents to view underneath a square box, 
divided by bars of gold into nine separate compart- 
ments, each containing a pure specimen of the 
varieties of ore found in the country. Upon the in- 
side is the following inscription : 'Presented to FRANK- 
LIN PIEKCE, the Fourteenth President of the United 
States: The ring is valued at $2,000. Altogether, 
it is a massive and superb affair, rich in emblem- 
atical design and illustration and worthy its object." 

An English work professes to make out " Love's 



THEIR SENTIMENTS. 439 

Telegraph," as understood in America, thus. "If a 
gentleman wants a wife, he wears a ring on the first 
finger of the left hand ; if he is engaged, he wears it 
on the second finger ; if married, on the third; and 
on the fourth if he never intends to be married. 
When a lady is not engaged, she wears a hoop or 
diamond on her first finger ; if engaged, on the sec- 
ond ; if married, on the third ; and on the fourth if 
she intends to die a maid." 

Many of our readers are aware that there are 
name-rings, in which the first letter attaching to each 
jewel employed will make a loved one's name or a 
sentiment. In the formation of English rings of this 
kind, the terms Regard and Dearest are common. 
Thus illustrated : ~R(uby), Jfymerald), G(arnet), A(me- 
thyst), "R(uby), D(iamond). ~D(iamond), E(mera?c?), 
A.(methyst), ~P\>(uby), ~E(merald), S(apphire), T(opaz). 
It is believed that this pretty notion originated (as 
many pretty notions do) with the French. The 
words which the latter generally play with, in a 
combination of gems, are Souvenir and Amitie, thus : 
S(aphir or sardoine\ O(nix or opale), TJ(rame), V(er- 
meille), ~E>(meraude), T$(atralithe), I(ris), ^(ubis or rose 
diamant). K(methiste or aigue-marine) , ]A.(alachite), 
I(ris), T(urquoise or topaze), I(ris), ^(meraude). 

Here are the alphabetical French names of pre<- 
cious stones : 

A. Am^thiste. Aigue-marine. 

B. Brilliant. Diamant, d*esigniant la meme pierre. 

C. Chrisolithe. Carnaline. Chrisophrase. 



440 RINGS AND STONES. 

D. Diamant. 

E. Emeraude. 

F. (Pas de pierre cowius.) 

G. Grenat. 
H. Hiacinthe. 
I. Iris. 

J. Jasper. 

K. (Pas de pierre cownue.) 

L. Lapis lazuli. 

M. Malachite. 

N. Natralithe. 

O. Onix. Opale. 

P. Perle. Peridot. Purpurine. 

Q. (Pas de pierre connue.) 

K. Rubis. Eose diamant. 

S. Saphir. Sardoine. 

T. Turquoise. Topaze. 

U. Urane. 

V. Vermeille (espece de grenat jcmne^. 

X. Xepherine. 

Y. Z. (Pas de nous connus.} 

Kobell says, " In name-rings, in which a name is 
indicated by the initial letter of different gems, the 
emerald is mostly used under its English and French 
name (Emeraude) to stand for e, which would other- 
wise not be represented. (The German name is 
Smaragd.) While on this point, it may be men- 
tioned that a difficulty occurs with u, but recent 
times have furnished a name which may assist, 
namely, a green garnet, containing chrome, from 
Siberia, which has been baptized after the Eussian 
Minister Uwarrow, and called Uwarrovite" 




FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 

CHAPTER 37. 

LOWERS not only please the eye 
and gratify the sense, but to 
one of a reflective turn of mind, 
they are the dispensers of in- 
struction. Flowers add a charm 
to domestic life, which nothing 
else can impart. What high en- 
coniums have been lavishingly 
bestowed upon " vine clad cottages ! " and how often 
in our readings do we find notice taken of some 
beautiful geranium that sheds its sweet fragrance 
around. Of the ivy, extending its arms of friendship 
around the room, lending its presence to cheer the 
despondent, and offer protection to the decorations 
that support it on its mission. 

Flowers are the smiles of nature, and earth would 
seem a desert without them. How profuse is nature 
in the bestowment of her smiles ! They are seen on 
every hillside and in every valley; they cheer the 
traveler on the public way, and the hermit in his 
seclusion. Wherever the light of day reaches, you 
vill find them, and none so poor they cannot possess 
them. They grew first in Paradise, and bring to our 

441 



442 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 

riew more vividly than anything else the beauties 
of Eden. 

It is no new thing to attach sentiments to flowers* 
In Eastern lands flowers have a language which all 
understand. It is that " still small voice " which is 
powerful on account of its silence. " It is one of the 
chief amusements of the Greek girls to drop these 
symbols of their esteem or scorn upon the various 
passengers who pass their latticed windows." 

These customs have not been confined to the 
eastern countries alone, but have been taken up and 
to a large extent are recognized everywhere ; and at 
the present time great care is taken in the cultivation 
of tho flowers that express by their sentiments the 
subjects that are considered first among the young. 



Snow-ball tree. 

Adoration. Sunflower, dwarf. 

Activity. Thyme. 

Aversion. Pink indian, single. 

Agitation. Moving plant. 

Anxious and trembling. Columbine, red. 

Always cheerful. Coreopsis. 

A token. Daisy, ox-eye. 

A serenade. Dew-plant. 
Am I perfectly indifferent to you ? Dogwood blossom. 

Argument, longevity. Fig. 

An expected meeting. Geranium, nutmeg. 

Assiduous to please. Ivy sprig with tendrils. 

Attachment. Iponea. 

Amiability. 7asmine, white. 

Ambition. Laurel, mountain. 

A token. Laurustina. 

Ambassador of lore. Rose, cabbage. 



FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 443 



Bluntness. 

Beauty. 

Bond of love. 

Bravery. 

Belief. 

Beware. 

Boldness. 

Beauty always new. 

Bashful love. 

Beauty is your only attraction. 

Beware. 

Bound. 

Coquetry. 

Cleanliness. 

Constancy. 

Content. 

Confidence. 

Comforting, stupidity. 

Chaste love. 

Constancy. 

Calm, repose. 

Childishness, ingratitude. 

Compassion, benevolence. 

Cheerfulness under misfortune. 

Concealed merit, 

Chivalry. 

Counterfeit. 

Concert. 

Comfort. 

Change. 

Confidence. 

Courage. 

Consolation. 

Complacence. 

Capricious beaut"- 

Charming. 

Call me not beautiful 



Borage 

Daisy, party-colored. 

Honeysuckle (montnly% 

Oak leaf. 

Passion flower. 

Oleander. 

Pink. 

Rose, China. 

Rose, deep red. 

Rose, Japan. 

Rose, bay. 

Snowball. 

Lily day. 

Hyssop. 

Hyacinth, blue. 

Houstonia. 

Hepetica. 

Geranium, scarlet 

Acacia. 

Bluebell. 

Buckbean. 

Buttercup (kingcup). 

Calcyanthus. 

Chrysanthemums, Chinese 

Coriander. 

Daffodil (great yellow). 

Mock orange. 

Nettle tree. 

Pear " 

Pimpernel. 

Polyanthus, crimson. 

Poplar, black. 

Poppy, red. 

Reed. 

Rose, musk, 

Rose, musk, cluster. 

Rose, unique. 



444 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 



Cruelty. 

Confession of love. 

Departure. 

Deceitful charms. 

Delicacy. 

Distinction. 

Disdain. 

Deception. 

Do me justice. 

Death, mourning. 

Despair, melanchoiy. 

Dignity, instability. 

Deceit, falsehood. 

Duration. 

Delay. 

Delicate beauty. 

Disgust. 

Disappointed expectation. 

Devotion. 

Defect. 

Delicate beauty. 

Devoted love. 

Distrust. 

Dauntlessness. 

Delicate beauty. 

Do not abuse. 

Dangerous pleasures. 

Declaration of love. 

Drunkenness. 

Elegance. 

Energy in adversity. 

Education. 

Elevation. 

Eloquence. 

Estranged love. 

Evanescent pleasure- 

Early youth. 



Nettle. 

Rose-bud, moss. 
Peas, sweet. 
Apple- thorne. 
Bluebottle (centaury). 
Cardinal flower. 
Carnation, yellow. 
Cherry tree, white. 
Chestnut tree. 



" and marigold. 
Dahlia. 
Dogsbane. 
Dogwood. 
Eupatorium. 
Flower of an hour. 
Frog ophrys. 
Geranium, wild. 
Heliotrope. 
Henbane. 
Hibiscus. 

Honeysuckle, wild 
Lavender 

" " sea. 
Mallow, Venetian, 
Saifron flower. 
Tuberose. 
Tulip, yellow. 
Vine. 

Acacia, pink. 
Camomile. 
Cherry tree. 
Fir tree. 
Lotus. 

Lotus flowee. 
Poppy. 
Primrose. 



/ 'LOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 445 



Enchantment. 

Early youth. 

Early attachment. 

Esteem of love. 

Expectation. 

Fickleness. 

Falsehood. 

Fascination, woman's love. 

Felicity. 

Foresight. 

Female ambition. 

Fire. 

Flame. 

Fickleness. 

Friendship. 

Fidelity in love. 

Falsehood. 

Frivolity. 

Forgetfulness. 

Flee away. 

Farewell 

Foolishness. 

Fantastic extravagance. 

Female fidelity. 

Fitness. 

For once may pride befriend me. 

Fame. 

Fidelity. 

Faithfulness. 

Flattery. 

Fidelity in misfortune. 

Forsaken. 

Freedom. 

Grief. 

Good nature. 

Gladness. 

Gentility. 



Vervain. 

Primrose. 

Rose, thornless. 

Strawberry tree. 

Zephyr flower. 

Abatina. 

Bu gloss. 

Carnation. 

Centaury. 

Holly. 

Hollyhock, white. 

Hoarhound. 

Iris, yellow. 

Lady's slipper. 

Ivy. 

Lemon blossom. 

Lily, yellow. 

London pride. 

Moonwort. 

Pennyroyal - 

Pine spruce. 

Pomegranate. 

Poppy, scarlet. 

Speedwell. 

Sweet flag. 

Tiger flower. 

Tulip. 

Veronica. 

Violet, blue. 

Venus's looking-giw* 

Wallflower. 

Willow. 

Willow water. 

Marigold. 

Mullen. 

Myrrh. 

Rose, pompon. 



446 BLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 



Guidance. 

Gallantry. 

Grandeur. 

Gratitude. 

Gentility. 

Grief. 

Grace and elegance. 

Generosity. 

Hopeless love. 

Horror. 

Hope. 

Humility. 

Health. 

Hospitality. 

Happy Love. 

Haughtiness. 

Indifference, coldness. 

I declare against you. 

I live for thee. 

Incorruptible. 

I love. 

Industry. 

I share your sentiments. 

Innocence. 

I will think of it. 

Importunity. 

I engage you for the next dance. 

Ingenuity. 

Idleness. 

I desire to please. 

I surmount all obstacles. 

I will not survive you. 

I am your captive. 

Ingeniousness. 

Inconsistency. 

1 am worthy of you. 

I declare against you. 

Impatience resolves. 



Star oi! Bethlehem. 

Sweet William. 

Ash tree. 

Bell flower, white? 

Geranium. 

Harebell. 

Jasmine, yellow. 

Orange. 

Tulip, yellow. 

Dragon-wort. 

Hawthorn. 

Lilac, field. 

Moss, Iceland. 

Oak tree. 

Rose, bridal. 

Sunflower, tall. 

Agnus Castus. 

Belvidere. 

Cedar leaf. 

Cedar of Lebanon. 

Chrysanthemums, red 

Clover, red. 

Daisy, garden. 

" white. 

" wild. 
Fuller's teasel. 
Geranium, ivy. 
Geranium, pencil-leaved 
Mesembryanthemum. 
Mezereon. 
Mistletoe. 
Mulberry, black. 
Peach blossom. 
Pink, white. 
Primrose, evening. 
Rose, full white. 
Tansy. 
Touch-me-not. 



FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 447 



Innocence. 

Joys to come. 

Jealousy. 

Love returned. 

Lamentation. 

Lowliness, envy, remorse. 

Luxury. 

Love's oracle. 

Lady deign to smile. 

Love, sweet and secret. 

Lightness. 

Life. 

Love in nature. 

Love in absence. 

Love. 

Light-heartedness. 

Love in idleness. 

Meekness. 

Magnificent beauty, modesty. 

Maternal affection. 

Mental beauty. 

Majesty. 

Meanness. 

Melancholy. 

My compliments. 

Majesty. 

Maternal love. 

Mature elegance. 

Marriage. 

Mirth. 

Mourning. 

Never-ceasing remembrancet 

Profusion. 

Present preference. 

Preference. 

Precaution. 

Privation. 

Purity. 



Violet, white. 

Celandine. 

Marigold, French. 

Ambrosia. 

Aspen tree. 

Bramble. 

Chestnut. 

Dandelion. 

Geranium, oak. 

Honeyflower. 

Larkspur. 

Luzern. 

Magnolia. 

Myrtle. 

Red bay. 

Shamrock. 

Violet, wild. 

Birch tree. 

Calla ^Ethiopica. 

Cinquefoil. 

Clematis. 

Brown, imperial. 

Dodder. 

Geranium, dark. 

Iris. 

Lily, imperial. 

Moss. 

Pomegranate flower. 

Saffron. 

Saffron, crocus. 

Willow, weeping. 

Gnophalium, everlasting. 

Fig tree. 

Geranium, apple. 

Geranium, scented rose or pink, 

Golden rod. 

India plum, myrobalan. 

Lilac, white. 



448 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS 



Perplexity. 

Pretension. 

Perseverance. 

Peace. 

Pride. 

Perfect excellence. 

Prosperity. 

Pretension. 

Platonic love friendship. 

Perfection. 

Painting. 

Pleasantry. 

Perseverance. 

Pensiveness, winning grace. 

Protection. 

Participation. 

Passion. 

Pleasures of memory. 

Pure affection. 

Perform your promise. 

Pity. 

Poor but happy. 

Refused. 

Rudeness. 

Resolution. 

Riches. 

Regard. 

Reverie. 

Reconciliation. 

Remembrance true love. 

Recall. 

Rustic beauty. 

Rejected addresses. 

Refusal. 

Remorse. 

Reward of virtue. 

Secret love. 

Sorrowful remembrances. 



Love-ia-a-mist. 

Lythrum. 

Magnolia, swamp. 

Olive branch. 

Rose, one hundred leaved. 

Strawberry. 

Wheat. 

Willow-herb, spiked. 

Acacia rose. 

Apple, pine. 

Auricula. 

Balm, gentle. 

Canary, grass. 

Cowslip. 

Crepis, bearded. 

Daisy, double. 

Dittany, white. 

Periwinkle, blue. 

Pink, red, double. 

Plum tree. 

Pine, black. 

Vernal grass. 

Carnation, striped. 

Clotbur. 

Columbine, purple. 

Corn. 

Daffodil. 

Fern, flowering. 

Filbert. 

Forget-me-not. 

Geranium, silver leaved. 

Honeysuckle, French, 

Ice plant. 

Pink, variegated. 

Raspberry. 

Rose (crown made of). 

Acacia, yellow motherwort 

Adonis. 



FLOWER 8 AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 449 



Stupidity. Indiscretion. 


Almond tree. 


Splendor. 


Austurtium. 


Sympathy. 


Balm. 


Silence. 


Belladonna. 


Shyness. 


Vatch. 


Strength. Constancy. 


Cedar tree. 


Slighted love. 


Chrysanthemum, yellow, 


Stability, 


Cresses. 


Snarft. 


Dragon plant. 


Sincerity. 


Fern. 


Scandal. 


Hellebore, 


Sculpture. 


Hoya. 


Sport. 


Hyacinth. 


Sorrow. 


Hyacinth, purple. 


Separation. 


Jasmine, Carolina. 


Sensuality. 


Jasmine, Spanish. 


Succor. 


Juniper. 


Sun -beamed eyes. 


Lychnis, scarlet. 


Sensitiveness. 


Mimosa (sensitive plant). 


Satire. 


Pear, prickly. 


Shame. 


Peony. 


Sleep. 


Poppy, white. 


Secrecy. 


Rose, full blown, placed over two 




buds. 


Superior mewt. 


Rose, full moss. 


Sincerity. 


Satin flower. 


Secret love. 


Toothwort. 


Sensitiveness. 


Verbena. 


Thankfulness 


Agrimony. 


Timidity, pna3 


Amaryllis. 


Temptation 


Apple. 


Temperance., 


Azalea. 


Treacherv 


Bilberry. 


Touch-me-uor, JQ ocrtunity. 


Burdock. 


Truth. 


Chrysanthemum, white. 


Taste. 


Fuchsia, scarlet. 


Tears. 


Hedenium. 


The first emotion of love. 


Lilac, purple. 



450 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 



Transient. 

Time. 

Temptation. 

Transient impression. 

Ties. 



TJnpatronized merit. 

Union. 

Unity. 

Unchangeable. 

Unchangeable friendship. 

Unpretending excellence. 

Unconscious. 

Uselessness. 

Unfading beauty. 

Unconscious beauty. 

Variety. 

Victory. 

Virtue. 

Vulgar-minded. 

Virgin pride. 

Wit. 

Wisdom. 

Weakness. 

Warmth. 

Woman's love. 

Winter of age. 

Warmth of sentiment. 

Youthfulness. Gladness. 

You are cold. 

Your purity equals your loveli- 



You occupy my thoughts. 

You are aspiring. 

You are the queen of coquettes. 

You occupy my thoughts. 

Zealousness. Compassion. 

Zest 



Night-blooming Cereus. 

Poplar, white. 

Quince. 

Rose, withered rose. 

Tendrils of climbing plants. 

Meadow sweet. 

Primrose, red. 

Rose, Lancaster. 

Rose, white and red together 

Amaranth, globe. 

Arbor vita3. 

Camellia, Japonica. 

Daisy, red. 

Diosma. 

Gilly flower. 

Rose, Burgundy. 

Rose, Mundy. 

Palm. 

Mint. 

Marigold, African. 

Gentian. 

Lychnis, meadow. 

Mulberry tree. 

Musk. 

Peppermint. 

Pink, carnation. 

Rose, guelder. 

Spearmint. 

Crocus, spring. 

Hortensia. 

Orange blossom. 

Pansy. 

Pink, mountain. 

Violet, dame. 

Violet, purple. 

Elder. 

Lemon 



WINDOW-GARDENING. 




CHAPTER 38. 

INDOW-GARDENING, 
whether simple or 
elaborate, is every- 
where an evidence 
of culture and re- 
finement. Flowers 
in all their richness, 
beauty and fragrance may adorn the windows of even 
the humblest cottage at little or no expense. 

There are many pleasing designs for window-gar- 
dens, such as a box of evergreens or ferns and orna- 
mental plants. Tasty hanging baskets are very pretty ; 
the jardiniere, bulb-glasses are handsome. The fer- 
nery, flower-stands, mantel-shelf gardens, etc., etc., 
are all very fine and if tastefully arranged are exceed- 
ingly attractive. 

BEST I- LACE FOB IT. 

A favorable location is necessary. A few plants 
thrive in the shade, such as pansies, sweet violets, a 
few of the variegated plants, etc. Most plants however 
love the warm rays and light of the sun. 

411 



452 WIND W- A RDENING. 

All exposures for plants that vary from the east to 
the west, and even a little to the northwest, may be 
included as available for window-gardens. The east 
and south with the exposures between them are the 
best for some plants, but for others the western and 
northern windows are used with better success. A 
northern window may be used for ferns, alpine plants, 
some species of fuchsias, and other shade-loving plants. 

From an eastern, or from that to a southern exposure, 
may be cultivated the geranium, bouvardia, cactus, 
begonia, oxalis, lily-of-the-valley, salvia, foliage plants, 
amaryllis, narcissus, rose, sweet scented geraniums, etc. 

For sunny southern windows the abutilon, rose, iris, 
calla, hyacinth, cyclamen, azalea, daphne, heliotrope, 
etc., are used. 

In western windows may be grown to good advant- 
age the amaryllis, calla, geranium, heliotrope, fuchsia, 
vinca, wax plant, German ivy, pinks, etc. Some of 
these plants flourish in all exposures. 

Moisture is one of the most important considerations 
for house plants, as the dry air of the average living 
room is fatal to their bloom and beauty. A geranium 
in an ordinary kitchen generally has greener leaves 
and a richer show of blossoms than the plants in more 
luxurious quarters, for the simple reason that the 
steam of cooking supplies the moisture needed, and 
the constantly opened door the proper ventilation. 

The larger the windows, the better for growing 
plants, bow windows being particularly adapted for 
this style of floriculture. 



WINDOW-GARDENING. 453 

FERNERIES. 

Ferneries offer the simplest of all means of house- 
hold plant culture. These small glass cases occupy 
little room, are ornamental enough to be placed on any 
table or parlor stand, and when once filled need little 
attention for many weeks. They require no unusual 
care as to watering, can be easily removed from one 
room to another, and are not as quickly affected by 
changes of temperature as plants in the open air of our 
sitting-rooms. 

THE SOIL FOR FERN CASES 

Should be carefully attended to, as common garden 
earth will not answer. 

An authority in the " Floral World," speaking of 
soils, says : " For the fern case, mix equal parts of 
silver sand, good loam, powdered charcoal, and refuse 
cocoanut fiber. Cover the bottom of the pan with a 
layer of powdered charcoal, or bricks, or rock broken 
to the size of hazel nuts, to the depth of one inch ; 
then press the soil firmly over this, that the plants may 
set solidly." 

Fern cases may be placed in almost any situation. 
They may be shifted from one window to another at 
will with little danger of undesirable consequences. 
A half shady position is much better than a sunny one, 
while a northern outlook will suit them admirably if 
not too cold. 

In arranging plants for the fern case, care must be 
taken to place the largest growers in the center and 



454 WINDOW-GARDENING. 

the smaller ones at the sides. A great number of 
woodland plants may be chosen. The climbing fern, 
lygodium palmatum, is very suitable, and can usually 
be found in shady or moist spots. 

The partridge vine, mitchella, is also invaluable, for 
its brilliant scarlet berries enliven the sober green of 
the ferns or form an excellent contrast with the mosses. 

THE TRAILING ARBUTUS 

With its Green foliage and waxy pink flowers is one 
of the choicest for the fernery. The maiden-hair fern 
is also a great favorite ; it may be found on most 
sheltered hill-sides, or away in some deep, moist woods, 
and may be known by its black, hair-like stems and 
curiously shaped fronds. Gold thread, with its daintly 
cut foliage, and Hnewood, with its blue blossoms, will 
form pretty features. Almost any plants can be trans- 
planted from the woods to the fern case with safety. 

Plenty of the green native mosses should be packed 
around the roots of all these plants, to help keep up a 
cool, wild, woody retreat. Begonias and orchids may 
also be added with good effect. 

HANGING GARDENS. 

Hanging or basket gardens are the simplest style of 
window ornament. They need very little care and 
their success is almost certain. 

The directions for culture are simple. Choose por- 
ous pots or vessels, for in non-porous pots, where all 
side ventilation is cut off, the soil becomes sodden and 



WIND W- GA RDENING. 455 

the roots are liable to decay, and the plants will not 
thrive. Fill the bottom of the basket to the depth of 
an inch or so with small pieces of charcoal for drain- 
age. If the basket is deep it is a good plan to place 
a coarse sponge in the bottom of it, to drink up the 
surplus moisture and at the same time keep the soil 
moist by giving it out again. 

The best soil for this use is composed of one-third 
sand mixed with dark loam and leaf mould; or the 
soil from around pine trees is very good. It is better 
to water copiously when the basket becomes dry and 
then not water again for two or three days. 

The devices for making hanging baskets are numer- 
ous. Large sea shells nautilus or conch will hold 
soil enough to support trailers, and make beautiful 
window ornaments. Holes may be bored through the 
edges and cords fastened in them to hang by. The 
rind of the gourd and scallop squash make pretty bas- 
kets for drooping plants; halves of cocoanut shells 
are also very pretty. These may be filled with lyco- 
podiums, lobelias, tradescantia, and moneywort. 

Begonias, coleus, oxalis, ivy and ornamental grasses 
are especially appropriate for baskets. The morning 
glory is admirably adapted for vases and baskets. 

A very unique basket may be made by filling a wire 
basket with moss, then hiding away in the moss small 
bottles filled with water. In these put the stems of 
ivy, partridge vine and ferns. The partridge vine will 
hang over the sides of the basket, the ivy will twine 
around the cords, drooping in festoons at the top, and 



456 WINDOW-GARDENING. 

the ferns will grow in graceful profusion in the center. 
The most popular drooping vines are the morning 
glory, honeysuckle, nasturtium, periwinkle and smilax. 

In arranging a basket do not crowd in too many 
plants of upright growth. One erect plant of showy 
appearance should be used, such as a begonia or a 
bright-flowering geranium ; around this set the plants 
of lower and more compact growth, and around the 
edge plant the climbers and the trailers. Fuchsias, 
heliotropes, carnations, verbenas, the cyclamen, the 
popular geranium, and many others find a place in the 
hanging basket. 

For home decoration there is no plant which equals 
the English Ivy. It accommodates itself to all tem- 
peratures save that below freezing, and when in full 
growth it adds more grace to the window than any 
other plant yet mentioned. It will cover a screen of 
wire, curtain a window, frame a favorite picture, climb 
and twist about a mantle mirror, drape an easel, and 
droop over statuettes its dark evergreen leaf and by 
its loveliness add to them all an increased beauty. 

PORTABLE SCREEN OF IVY. 

A beautiful and useful screen for the living room 
maybe made as follows: a common window garden 
flower box is made the length required and mounted 
on castors. A number of laths of wood, as long as 
the screen is to be high, must be placed at upright 
intervals all along the box, against the back of it and 
resting on the bottom of it. Nail them in their places. 



WIND W- QA RDENING. 457 

A number more laths, as long as the box is wide, must 
now be fixed across these, beginning with the first an 
inch above the box. Fasten it by a tack at each ex- 
tremity and to every upright lath with fine flower 
mounting-wire, uncovered. The trellis work thus 
formed should be painted a dark green ; when dry, fill 
the box with the same kind of soil as used in the fern- 
ery and set with ivy plants, which will cover the trellis 
completely as they grow. The front of the box should 
be filled in with plants of low growth, as Chinese prim- 
rose, violets, lycopodium, etc. This screen and box, 
without the castors, may be fixed outside a window 
which has a bad outlook, and not only hide this from 
view but prove a very handsome object in itself. 




CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS. 

CHAPTER 39. 

EAUTY has its source in nature; 
our finest sculptures and paint- 
ings but approximately reproduce 
the grace of form and richness of 
color of the natural world. 

Love of the beautiful is one of 
the most marked distinguishing 
features between the animal and the man; and if 
we would increase and develop our appreciation of the 
beautiful and broaden and deepen our capacity for 
enjoying it, how can we do it better than by a study 
of the means which the Creator has taken for making 
this world so beautiful ? 

To gain an appreciation of the beautiful in distinc- 
tion from the sublime and grand, to secure a refined 
and correct taste and to learn to enjoy harmony of 
colors, delicacy of form, and beauty of outline, let us 
"consider the lilies of the field," let us have plants 
and flowers in our homes and teach the children to love 
and care for them, so they shall not grow up as those, 
who, "having eyes, see not." That person has lost 
much of the keenest enjoyment of life of whom it can 

be said : 

458 



CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS. 459 

" A yellow primrose by the river's brim 

Or by the cottage door, 
A yellow primrose is to him 
And nothing more. " 

" But," you say, " there is a practical side to all this. 
Unhealthy, blossomless plants are not beautiful, and 
plants will not do well for me." 

Now it is the nature of plants to grow and be beau- 
tiful and unless the fixed laws of their being are inter- 
fered with, they will do so. There is no such thing as 
" luck " in the care of plants. In the following pages 
we aim to give a few plain directions which will enable 
any one with a little persistent effort to grow beautiful 
plants which will make the home pleasanter and its 
inmates happier and better. 

Many have a mistaken notion that plants will thrive 
only in windows fully exposed to the south. It is 
true that in many cases plants are grown largely for 
winter blooming, and that they will flower better in 
abundance of light, but it is also true that there are 
many beautiful plants which do well with very little 
sunlight. We unhesitatingly say that there is no 
human habitation which has a window but what some 
plant may be made to thrive there and we ask your 
careful attention to the following simple directions for 
growing and caring for them : 

PLANT STANDS AND SHELVES. 

In order to grow plants successfully in windows we 
must imitate as nearly as we can their natural habits. 



460 CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS. 

They want warmth, moisture, and light; keeping this 
in mind we shall succeed. If a plant is set directly 
on a window sill, with the cold glass on one side of it, 
the hot air on the other side, how can it be expected 
to grow ? or, worse still, put half way up on the win- 
dow ledge with the cold air blowing on it between the 
sashes ? Any sensible plant would rebel at such treat- 
ment. 

To fit up a window at small expense, I would have 
two black walnut shelves made one, at the window- 
sill, a foot wide ; the other, half way up, nine inches 
wide, supported by bronzed brackets ; then zinc pans 
to fit the shelves, six inches deep, turned over a wire 
at the top. Paint to match the woodwork of the room, 
or any fancy color, put an inch of coarse sand in the 
pans, and you are ready for plants. The sand keeps 
the bottom of the pots moist, the high sides keep the 
sun from striking the sides of the pots and keep them 
out of sight. At each end of the pans put a pot of 
German ivy (Senecio scandens) ; bring the ends of 
the vine from each pot towards the center of the pan 
and tie them together ; keep them nipped and they 
will send out side shoots and cover the pan from 
sight. For a south window you can put in any plants 
that love the sun bouvardias, begonias, heliotrope, 
coleus, hibiscus, and so on. For an east or west win. 
dow you will want a different class of plants to do 
well. If you wish something more showy, have a wal- 
nut table made as long as your window is wide, includ- 
ing casing, and two feet wide, without a top, and six 



CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS. 461 

inches deep on the sides ; have a cleat nailed at the 
bottom of the sides to hold narrow slats, on which 
rests a zinc pan as deep as the sides ; add some stout 
casters, varnish your table, and it is done. Put an 
inch of coarse sand in the bottom and you are ready 
for the flower pots. If you prefer you can set your 
plants directly in the pan. In that case you will fill 
your pan with sifted loam (that made from rooted sod 
is best), well rooted cow manure, sand enough to 
make it porous and charcoal broken small ; put this 
last on the bottom of the pan for drainage. Plants 
grow finely in this stand. The zinc pan being set on 
slats, the warm air comes up underneath, like the bot- 
tom heat of a green-house, especially if your heat 
comes from a furnace ; to remedy the dry air you can 
fill a sponge with water and lay it among the plants. 
Shower the leaves frequently, which can easily be 
done by trundling the stand to the kitchen. You can 
turn it around once a week so all the plants will have 
a share of sun, and move it from the window at night, 
should the weather chance to be very cold. This 
stand looks finely filled with plants grown more espec- 
ially for their leaves. 

Dracena terminalis, with handsome crimson leaves, 
will make a pretty center; fancy-leaved geraniums, 
like Madame Pollock, Cloth of Gold, Marshal Mac- 
Mahon, Mountain of Snow, the new Coleuses, Rex 
Begonias, variegated Abutilons. For vines to trail 
around the edges, ivy-leaved Geranium, L'elegante, 
Abutilon, Ivies and Maurandya. With this stand in 



462 CARE AND CULTURE OP PLANTS. 

front of a window, brackets on each side half way up, 
with pots on them filled with vines, a hanging-basket 
suspended from a hook in the center filled with vines 
to droop, it will make a pleasant picture on a cold 
winter day. If you have an old-fashioned three-legged 
light-stand, have a zinc pan seven inches deep made 
to fit the top, turned over a wire at the top and stained 
to match the table. Fill it with rich soil made porous 
with sand and charcoal, put in calla lilies (they will 
bloom better to be a little crowded), leave two inches 
at the top so as to keep them floating in water all the 
time. Water that is warm to the hand is best to water 
with. Put your stand in front of a south window, and 
your Callas will think they are in their native home. 

If you don't want Callas, try Heliotrope. An old- 
fashioned, round center table, with scroll-shaped legs, 
was made into a nice plant-stand by fitting a zinc pan 
to the top (which was about thirty inches in diame- 
ter), seven inches deep, turned over a wire at the top 
and stained to match the table. It was filled with 
rich soil and the plants set directly in and vines 
planted around the edges. 




FURNISHING THE HOME. 

CHAPTER 40. 

OLOR, form and proportion are the 
chief features to be observed in 
house-furnishing. It is not neces- 
sary to have costly furniture, ex- 
pensive pictures, fine paintings, ele- 
gant draperies, or Haviland and 
Wedgewood wares to produce pleas- 
ant effects ; but have the colors har- 
monize and have nothing too good to use. All stiff- 
ness of design in furniture should be avoided. Do 
not attempt to match articles, but rather carry out 
the same ideas as to color and form in the whole. Do 
not have decorations in sets or pairs; the arrange- 
ments should all be done with odd pieces. 

The style and arrangement of the furniture should 
correspond to the size of the room, with a due regard 
to the place a piece of furniture or ornament will 
occupy. The order of arrangement in furnishing is 
subject to individual taste, but the following sugges- 
tions may not be inappropriate : 

In decorating a dining-room, deep, rich tones should 
be used a drawing-room or parlor should have bright, 

463 



464 FURNISHING THE HOME. 

cheerful shades in a library use deep, rich colors, 
which give a sense of worth a sleeping-room or 
chamber should have light, pleasing tints, which give 
a feeling of repose. 

THE HALL. 

The hall being the index to the whole house, due 
jare should, therefore, be given to its furnishing. 
Light colors and gilding should be avoided. The wall 
and ceiling decorations now mostly used are in dark, 
rich colors, shaded in maroons, or deep reds. Plain 
tinted walls and ceilings in fresco or wainscot are also 
frequently used. 

A tile or inlaid wood floor is the most appropriate ; 
but if circumstances do not admit of one of these, a 
floor stained a deep, wood-brown, baseboard and 
mouldings to correspond, may be substituted, when 
India matting and rugs may be used. 

The colors now in vogue for hall carpets are crimson, 
or Pompeiian reds, with small figures of moss green 
and peacock blue. The prevailing shades of the walls 
and floor should be incorporated in the stair carpet. 

If the hall is narrow, none but the most essential 
pieces of furniture should be used ; but if wide enough, 
there may be a lounge placed against one of the walls, 
an old-fashioned clock set in a quiet corner, two high- 
back chairs upholstered in leather, a table, an umbrella- 
stand placed near the door, and a hall-mirror. The 
hat-rack must also find a place. Family portraits or 
a few well-selected pictures are appropriate for these 
walls. 



FURNISHING THE HOME. 465 

If the door-lights are not stained glass, crimson 
silk shades, lined with black netting, are very desira- 
ble, as the light penetrating through them fills the hall 
with a rich subdued glow. 

THE PARLOR. 

The parlor should be the room of all others in 
which good taste should be every-where apparent. The 
walls should be pleasant objects to look upon not 
dreary blanks of white plaster and all the arrange- 
ments of the room should be home-like, with orna- 
ments, books and flowers, not arranged for show 
merely, but for pleasant study, recreation -or conversa- 
tion. 

In selecting wall papers avoid all pronounced pat- 
terns, either in color or design. Light tints of gray, 
olive, pearl, or cream, covered with delicate scroll or 
vine patterns are suitable. A dado is not desirable in 
a parlor, but there should be a freize in harmony with 
the paper. 

The carpet should be of a light, cheerful tint, and 
the pattern should not be striking. Do not have the 
carpet the most noticeable feature of the room. 

In selecting the furniture, chairs and couches should 
be chosen for comfort rather than for style. They 
should be of solid make, easy, graceful, and of good 
serviceable colors and materials. 

The latest design in parlor furniture is in the Turk- 
ish style, the upholstery being made to cover the 
frame. Rich Oriental colors in woolen and silk bro- 



466 FURNISHING THE HOME. 

cades are mostly used, and the trimmings are cord 
and tassels, or heavy fringe. 

The most tastefully arranged parlor has now no 
two pieces of furniture alike; but two easy chairs 
placed opposite each other are never out of place. 
Here may stand an embroidered ottoman, there a 
quaint little chair, a divan can take some central posi- 
tion, a cottage piano, covered with some embroidered 
drapery, may stand at one end of the room, while an 
ebony or mahogany cabinet, with its panel mirrors and 
quaint brasses, may be placed at the other end, its 
racks and shelves affording an elegant display for 
pretty pieces of bric-a-brac. 

Tables in inlaid woods, or hand-painted, are used 
for placing books and albums on. 

Care should be taken in arranging that the room is 
not overcrowded. There should be a few good pic- 
tures hung on the wall, and a portrait may be placed 
on a common easel draped with a scarf. 

An embroidered or India silk scarf with fringed 
ends may be placed on the back of a chair or sofa in 
place of the old-fashioned lace tidy. 

A sash of bright colored plush or silk may be 
flung across the table, the ends drooping very low. 
The mantel -piece may be covered with a corres- 
ponding sash, over which place a small clock as cen- 
ter piece, and arrange ornaments on each side 
statuettes, flowerholders, pieces of old china, painted 
candles in small sconces, may all find a place on 
the mantel. 



FURNISHING THE HOME. 467 

Window curtains of heavy fabric, hung from brass 
or plush-mounted poles, may be gracefully draped to 
the sides, while the inner lace ones should hang 
straight and be fastened in the center with some orna- 
ment or bow of ribbon, corresponding in shade to the 
general tone of the room. The straight shades next 
to the glass may correspond in tone to the outside 
walls, or window facings. White or light tinted 
shades are always in vogue. 

Those who wish to dispense with heavy curtain dra- 
peries in favor of light and sunshine may use the lace 
curtains alone; or, if desirable, cheaper ones of 
cheese-cloth trimmed with lace. 

Portieres (curtain doors) have superseded folding 
doors. These should be in shades to contrast with 
the general blending of all the colors in the room. 
The fabrics mostly used are India goods, but they 
may be made of any material. These curtains, if 
made from striped tapestry and Turcoman, will give 
the finishing artistic touches to almost any room. 

THE SITTING-ROOM. 

The sitting or every-day room should be the bright- 
est and the most attractive room in the house. 

Its beauty should lie in its comfort, simplicity and 
the harmony of its tints the main feature being the 
fitness of each article to the needs of the room. In 
these days of so many advantages much can be done 
in adornment by simple means. 

The wall-papers mostly used come in grounds of 



468 FURNISHING THE HOME. 

cream, pale olive, fawn, and light gray, with designs 
and traceries of contrasting hues. 

The carpet, if in tapestry, looks more effective in 
grounds of pale canary or light gray, with designs in 
bright-colored woodland flowers and borders to match. 
Ingrain carpets, with their pretty designs and bright 
colors, are very fashionable for rooms that are much 
used. 

Whatever may be the prevailing tint of the carpet, 
the window curtains should follow it up in lighter 
tones or contrast with it. Shades are rather more 
suitable for the sitting-room than drapery curtains, 
although curtains of cheese-cloth, chintz, or dotted 
Swiss muslin, looped back with ribbons, look very 
pretty. 

One large table, covered with a pretty embroidered 
cloth, should be placed in some central location for a 
catch-all. A low divan with a pair of square soft pil- 
lows, may stand in some quiet nook ; a rocker, hand- 
somely upholstered, with a pretty tidy pinned to its 
back, a large, soft, easy-chair, a small sewing-chair 
placed near a work-table, and a bamboo chair trimmed 
with ribbons, may be tastefully arranged in the room. 

If the furniture is old, or in sets, it can be covered 
with different patterns of cretonne or chintz, which 
not only protects the furniture but breaks up the mo- 
notony and lends a pleasing variety to the room. A 
Turkish chair is a grand accessory to the family- 
room; this may be made by buying the frame and 
having it upholstered in white cotton cloth, and cover- 



FURNISHING THE HOME. 469 

ing it with a rich shade of cretonne, finishing it with 
cord and fringe; this makes a cheap and handsome 
looking chair to fill up some angle. 

If the house has no library, the sitting-room is just 
the place for the book-case. On these shelves put 
your books, or any ornaments such as vases, pieces 
of odd china, mineral specimens, brass ornaments, or 
anything quaint and pretty. Curtains can be arranged 
on a brass rod to draw across the opening. A few of 
these tastefully arranged things give an air of com- 
fort and luxury to a room, hardly to be compared to 
the small amount expended. 

Let the pictures in the sitting-room be as cheerful 
as possible. A landscape in colored pastel, an etching, 
a modern engraving, or even a good chromo or helio- 
type brighten the living room wonderfully. One or 
two family portraits are in keeping, but any old-fash- 
ioned somber engraving should be relegated to the 
attic. 

Some people would think it a poorly furnished room 
if it didn't contain one or more card tables pretty 
little tables, of natural woods, or inlaid in cloths of 
different hues. People who are fond of games stock 
their table-drawers with cribbage and backgammon 
boards, cards of every variety, bezique counters and 
packs, and the red and white champions of the hard- 
fought battles of chess. 

This room is also well adapted for the window gar- 
den, where an abundance of climbing and trailing 
plants may be grown from boxes and brackets. 



470 FURNISHING THE HOME. 

A room of this character, with floods of sunshine, 
makes a most attractive and comfortable living room. 

THE LIBRARY. 

The walls should be hung with rich colors not so 
dark as to make it difficult to light the room suffici- 
ently in the evening, but it must not be too light, or 
we shall lose the feeling of repose we most want. A 
carpet of Pompeiian red is both rich and cheerful. 

The room should be furnished with broad easy 
chairs, low tables for books and periodicals, and book- 
shelves arranged at a convenient height, and so any 
book may be reached without stretching or mounting 
on a chair or stool. 

Soft rugs, foot-rests, a mantel mirror and a few 
mantel ornaments complete the furniture. 

It is quite in vogue to hang curtains on rods in front 
of the book-cases. 

Curtains of raw silk or Turcoman are used for win- 
dow draperies. 

CHAMBERS. 

The bedroom should be essentially clear of every- 
thing that can collect and hold dust in any form; 
should be bright and cheerful, pleasantly furnished 
with light and cheerful furniture of good and simple 
design, in which everything should be carefully ar- 
ranged for use, not show. 

The whole floor of the bedroom should be stained, 
sized, and varnished, or painted, and strips of carpet, 



FURNISHING THE HOME. 471 

matting, or rugs thrown down only when required; 
these can be taken up and shaken every day without 
trouble, the floors washed, and the evil of fixed car- 
pets thus avoided. Rugs are as fashionable as they 
are wholesome and tidy. 

These floor coverings should be darker than the 
furniture, yet blending in shades. If carpets are 
chosen they should be in the lightest shades, and in 
bright field-flower patterns. Avoid anything dark and 
somber for the sleeping-room. Pink and ciel blue 
combined is very pretty ; scarlet and gray, deep red 
and very light blue, dark blue with sprays of Lily-of- 
the-valley running through it is exceedingly pretty for 
bed-rooms. 

The wall should be decorated in light tints and 
shadings, with a narrow rail and deep frieze. 

Dark furniture will harmonize with all these colors, 
but the lighter shades are preferable. Cretonnes in 
pale tints, and chintzes in harmonizing colors, are 
used for light woods. Square pillows of cretonne on 
a bamboo or wicker lounge are very pretty. Canton 
matting is often used, either plain or in colored pat- 
terns. 

Formerly the bed coverings were spotlessly white. 
The coverings now in vogue are Nottingham lace, 
darned net, applique, antique lace and Swiss muslin; 
these are used over silk and silesia for backgrounds, 
with pillow shams to match. 

Cheese-cloth, bunting, Swiss muslin, cretonne and 
Swiss curtains are used for window drapery, these 



472 FURNISHING THE HOME. 

may be trimmed with the same fabric or antique lace. 
They are hung on poles above the windows and draped 
back with bright ribbons. 

The appointments of a bed-room are a low couch, a 
large rocker, a small sewing chair, a work basket, foot- 
stools, a toilet table, or a dressing-case, a few pictures, 
hanging-shelf for books, etc., and the bed. 

The washstand should have a full set of toilet mats, 
or a large towel with a colored border may be laid on 
it; also a splasher placed on the wall at the back of 
the stand is very essential. 

A screen is a very desirable part of the bed-room 
appointments, especially if there is no dressing-room. 
The three-leaf folding Japanese screen is very pretty. 
A less expensive one may be made by getting the frame 
made, then covering it with cloth or thick paper, and 
decorating it with Japanese figures, flowers, or any- 
thing that fancy may suggest. 

THE DINING-ROOM. 

The dining-room should be light and airy. If pos- 
sible it should have a pleasant outlook and a window 
through which the morning sunlight will enter. Such 
a window, filled with growing plants makes a very at- 
tractive feature. 

Paper the walls with warm tints and have both 
dado and freize. Have an inlaid wood, oiled, stained or 
painted floor on which rugs may be used or dispensed 
with, according to taste. 

The window drapery should be in deep, rich colors. 



FURNISHING THE HOME. 473 

The chairs should be chosen in square, solid styles, 
and upholstered in embossed or plain leather. 

The dining-table should be low, square or bevel- 
cornered, and when not in use should be covered with 
a cloth corresponding in shade to the window drapery. 

A buffet may stand in some corner for the display of 
ceramics or decorated china. The sideboard should be 
of high, massive style, with shelves and racks for 
glassware and pieces of china. 

There was a time when the dining-room looked like 
a picture gallery ; but the prevailing fashion now con- 
fines the number of pictures to two or three small 
fruit pieces and one or two plaques of still life. 

Here the fire-place with its many appointments may 
be displayed to good avantage. 

THE KITCHEN. 

While speaking of the different rooms we must not 
forget the kitchen. There should be a pleasant win- 
dow or two through which fresh air and sunlight may 
come, a few plants on the window sill, a small stand 
for a work basket, an easy chair, the walls painted or 
calcimined with some beautiful and cheerful tint, the 
woodwork grained, instead of painted in some dingy 
color, and a general air of comfort pervade the whole 
room. 




OUTLOOK THROUGH BOOKS. 

CHAPTER 41. 

I.OOKS are windows through which 
the soul looks out. Window- 
less houses and bookless minds 
are dreary places because oi 
darkness. Men are moulded by 
their surroundings and become 
transformed into the likeness of 
their outlook. Parents, through 
what kind of windows are your boys or girls looking 
out upon the great world of to-day and of ages 
past? Are they beholding things pure or pernic- 
ious, noble or degrading, sublime or silly, virtuous 
or vicious? Young man, young woman, what is 
the scene before your eyes? Do you willingly look 
out upon gilded sin in high life, upon iniquity made 
attractive by costly apparel aad luxurious surround- 
ings, or, do you choose rather to look upon that which 
continually broadens the intellect, refines the taste 
and ennobles the whole being? Few comprehend the 
possibilities of the outlook through books. We view the 
people and places of distant lands. The nations of 
the past spring into existence as by magic and move 
before us as a panorama. We view the inner work- 

4H 



UTL OK THR UGH B OK 8. 475 

ings of men's lives, we look down into the earth, out 
upon the operations of nature in plant and animal life, 
and up into the starry heavens, actually touching the 
far off spheres. 

COMPANIONSHIP OF BOOKS. 

Books differ as men differ. In our daily intercourse 
with the world we meet scores of people by whose 
silent influence for evil we are unconsciously drawn 
down to their own level. We may also meet a single 
individual in whose presence we feel the thrill of 
a moulding influence for good. The meeting of such a 
person is often a crisis in one's life. A book is, in a 
sense, a living being and becomes the companion of 
the one who reads it. 

It is my privilege to choose the company of those 
who are my superiors. I may not have access to the 
highest circle of cultured society, but among books 
there is no exclusiveness. Here I am monarch. They 
come at my bidding, they begin to speak when and of 
what I desire, they stop when I wish, they never bore 
me, there are no formalities and they are never 
offended. 

FORMATION OF TASTE. 

What do you relish, what do you read ? You may 
have a taste for pastry, pickles and sweetmeats but 
you are too wise to make these the staple articles of 
your diet. In mind as well as body there are penalties 
attached to allowing a morbid taste to control the 
selection of what we feed upon. The formation of 



476 UTL OK THE UGH B OKS. 

taste may be upward or downward and is a process 
rather than an act. The upward formation is possi- 
ble for all, and is by no means arduous if properly 
directed. By carrying out the suggestion given in the 
next section one may in a comparatively short period 
of time attain unto a well furnished, well disciplined 
condition of mind which will justly excite admiration. 
" How did you acquire this knowledge ? How came 
you to enjoy these books ?" will be the questions of the 
one whose reading during the same period has been 

at random. 

WHAT TO READ. 

The vast array of books upon the shelves of the 
world's libraries is, to most persons, simply bewilder- 
ing. A comparatively small number contain the crys- 
tallized thought and wisdom of the centuries. Says 
Thoreau : " Books that are books are all you want and 
there are but a half dozen in any thousand." 

Books of TRAVEL are both pleasing and healthful. One 
scarcely need hold himself to the reading, the read- 
ing holds him. Butterworth's " Zig Zag Journeys ^.-i 
Europe," etc., cannot fail to interest the boys and girls. 
They will also enjoy Charles Carleton Coffin's " Our 
New Way Round the World." Thomas W. Knox's 
books, " Boy Travelers in Australasia," in Mexico, in 
South America, in Japan and China, in Siam and Java, 
in Ceylon and India, in Egypt and the Holy Land, 
"Through Africa," "On the Congo," etc., are exceed- 
ingly valuable, and many who are no longer " boys " 
will find them vastly entertaining. There are three 



UTL OK THE UGH B OKS. 477 

readable and reliable volumes by Jules Verne on 
" Exploration of the World," Vol. I, " Famous Travels 
and Travelers." This covers the ground from the time 
of Herodotus, down to the 18th Century. Vol. II, 
" Great Navigators of the 18th Century." Vol. Ill, 
" Great Explorers of the 19th Century." Cassell & 
Co. have a series entitled, " The World : its Cities and 
People." The first two volumes are the most valuable 
for the general reader. The works of Livingston and 
Stanley are of course standard and need no recom- 
mendation. William E. Curtis has written a superb 
book on " The Capitals of Spanish America," and the 
reading of it will give one a delightful acquaintance 
with Mexico, Central and South America. William 
Simpson, F. R. G. S.,is the author of a work, " Meeting 
the Sun;" a journey all around the world through 
Egypt, China, Japan and California. It is not ex- 
pected that any one will read all these books; we 
have simply given a list from which to choose. 

Next, give attention to BIOGRAPHY. One may take 
the following seven land marks along the stream of 
time, read their lives and out *into their times and 
obtain a comprehensive grasp of the world's history : 

First, Alexander: o>. 326, B.C.). Read out into Macedon, 
Greece and the East. 

Second, Caesar: (b.ioo,B.c.>. Read out into the open- 
ing up of Western Europe, forward to the Golden Age 
and the beginnings of Christianity. 

Third Charlemagne: (b. 742, A. DO. Read out into the 
Middle Ages and study the Feudal system. 



OUTLOOK THRO UGH BOOKS. 

Fourth, Elizabeth : o>. 1533, A. D.>. Read out into "this 
age of England's proud pre-eminence in the politics 
of Europe and an age of the most original and power- 
ful literary creation ever witnessed." 

Fifth, Washington: (b. 1732, A. DO. Read out into this 
age of democratic ideas, of government of the people, 
for the people and by the people. Note America's 
influence in Europe, especially as seen in the French 
Revolution. 

Sixth, Napoleon : o>.i769,A.D.). Read out into all Eu- 
rope, also Egypt and Palestine. 

Seventh, Lincoln: (b.isoo.A.D.). Read out into Civil 
strife, human slavery in this and other ages also the 
slave trade in Africa. 

Begin with whichever these characters you are 
most likely to be interested in. Gather your ma- 
terials about that person by examining into all allu- 
sion to government, commerce, literature, science 
and religion. Then take another landmark and read 
as above indicated. Soon the lines of reading will 
begin to meet and cross and this will afford untold 
delight. 

Fiction, should have a place in our intellectual fur- 
nishing. " Purity, beauty, breadth and power " char- 
acterize Sir Walter Scott, and you will not err in plac- 
ing him first. Read "Ivanhoe," "Kenilworth," 
"Heart of Midlothian," or almost any other of his 
works. Read with a history at hand and look up his- 
torical allusions. Dickens, Eliot and Bulwer will 
also come in for a share of your time. The works of 



UTL OK THR UGH B OR S. 479 

master minds will afford as much pleasure and vastly 
more profit than the mass of mediocrities called " the 
latest novels." 

Now, to develop another set of intellectual muscles, 
we should change the exercise and read up on SCIENCE. 
Truth is even stranger than fiction and a popular work 
like Warren's " Recreations in Astronomy," or Win 
chelFs " Walks and Talks in the Geological Field," 
will be found as fascinating as a novel and will be a 
revelation to persons not familiar with these subjects. 
The " Popular Series in Natural Science," by J. Dor- 
man Steele, will hold the attention of the reader and 
give a comprehensive grasp of Physiology, Zoology, 
Chemistry, Physics, Botany, etc. We do not say they 
are the best for advanced study but our design is to 
interest the uninterested. 

Over against science put POETRY and the DRAMA in 
order to preserve an intellectual equilibrium. After 
the historical and biographical readings above sug- 
gested one will experience little difficulty in becoming 
interested in Shakespeare. Choose from among the 
poets such ones as you find most congenial Lowell, 
Whittier, Tennyson, Scott, Longfellow should be 
among your best friends. The Poet's Corner in West- 
minster Abbey is that part in which visitors linger 
longest rather than among the tombs and monuments 
of kings, warriors and statesmen. The poets are im- 
mortal ; they live because they deserve to, and because 
we need them for the softening and beautifying of our 
lives. 



480 UTLO OK THR UGH B OK 8. 

An educated person will be reasonably familiar 
with the history, legislation and literary production of 
the Jews as well as of other ancient nations. The 
treasures gathered up and preserved in the Bible are 
adapted to other than devotional uses. There is an 
intellectual element in the Scriptures which, so far 
from being out of harmony with the devotional element, 
does in fact enlarge and invigorate it. Says Prof. 
Harper of Yale University, "The study of the Bible 
merely as history and literature is as ennobling, as 
disciplinary and, in short, as valuable as any other his- 
tory and literature." Let us welcome all fair minded, 
scholarly, critical study of the Bible, and not suffer our 
selves to remain ignorant of its contents. The religion 
of Jesus has revolutionized a goodly part of the world, 
let us then know the facts and proofs of Christianity. 
Read The Bible and other Ancient Literatures in the 
Nineteenth Century, by Prof. Townsend, and The 
Christian Religion, by Prof. Fisher. Both these 
books are brief, straightforward and readable. 

In conclusion: First, in all your reading read out; 
read backward to causes and forward to results ; make 
constant use of dictionary, encyclopaedias, histories and 
other books of reference. Second, cultivate the ac- 
quaintance of a few choice spirits in the various depart- 
ments of literature. Make them your intimate friends. 
Honor them with your affection and each successive 
perusal will bring out new treasures of suggestive 
thought. 




TOILETTE RECIPES. 

To REMOVE FRECKLES. 
CHAPTER 42. 

CRAPE horseradish into a cup of 
cold sour milk ; let it stand twelve 
hours; strain, and apply two or 
three times a day. 

One ounce of alum, ditto of 
lemon -juice, in a pint of rose- 
water. 

Prepare the skin by spreading 
over it at night a paste composed 
of one ounce of bitter almonds, ditto of barley-flour, 
and a sufficient quantity of honey to give the paste 
consistency. Wash off in the morning, and during 
the day apply with a camel's-hair brush a lotion com- 
pounded thus : One drachm of muriatic acid, half a 
pint of rain-water and a teaspoonful of lavender- 
water, mixed. 

At night wash the skin with elder-flower water, 
and apply an ointment made by simmering gently 
one ounce of Venice soap, quarter of an ounce of 
deliquated oil of tartar, and ditto of oil of bitter 
almonds. When it acquires consistency, three drops 
of oil of rhodium may be added. Wash the ointment 
off in the morning with rose-water. 

481 



482 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

Muriate of ammonia half a drachm, lavender- 
water two drachms, distilled water half a pint; 
apply two or three times a day. 

Into half a pint of milk squeeze the juice of a 
lemon, with a spoonful of brandy, and boil, skim- 
ming well. Add a drachm of rock alum. 

Mix lemon-juice one ounce, powdered borax 
quarter of a drachm, sugar half a drachm; keep 
for a few days in a glass bottle and apply occa- 
sionally. 

To REMOVE WRINKLES. 

Melt white wax one ounce to gentle heat, and add 
juice of lily bulbs two ounces and honey two ounces, 
rose-water two drachms and attar of roses a drop or 
two. Use twice a day. 

Use tepid water instead of cold in ablutions. 

Put some powder of best myrrh upon an iron 
plate sufficiently heated to melt the gum gently, 
and when it liquefies cover your head with a napkin 
and hold your face over the myrrh at a proper dis- 
tance to receive the fumes without inconvenience. 
Do not use it if it causes headache. 

To REMOVE DISCOLORATION OF THE SKIN. 

Elder-flower ointment one ounce, sulphate of zinc 
twenty grains; mix well, and rub into the affected 
skin at night. In the morning wash it off with 
plenty of soap, and when the grease is completely 
removed apply the following lotion: Infusion of rose- 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 483 

petals half a pint, citric acid thirty grains. All local 
discolorations will disappear under this treatment; 
and if freckles do not entirely yield, they will in 
most instances be greatly ameliorated. Should any 
unpleasant irritation or roughness of the skin follow 
the application, a lotion composed of half a pint of 
almond mixture and half a drachm of Goulard's ex- 
tract will afford immediate relief. 

To KEMOVE SUNBURN. 

Milk of almonds, obtained at the druggist's, is as 
good a remedy as any to use. 

COLD CREAM. 

Melt together a pint of oil of sweet almonds, one 
ounce of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti 
and half a pint of rose-water. Beat to a paste. 

Put into a jar one pint of sweet-oil, half an ounce 
of spermaceti and two ounces of white wax. Melt 
in a jar by the fire. Add scent. 

To CURE CHILBLAINS. 

Rub with alum and water. 

Put the hands and feet two or three times a week 
into warm water in which two or three handfuls of 
common salt have been dissolved. 

Rub with a raw onion dipped in salt. 

When indications of chilblains first present them- 
selves, take vinegar three ounces, camphorated spir- 
its of wine one ounce; mix and rub. 



484 1O1LETTE RECIPES. 

HAIR-CURLING FLUID. 

One of the fluids in use is made by dissolving a 
small portion of beeswax in an ounce of olive oil 
and adding scent according to fancy. 

The various fluids advertised and recommended 
for the purpose of giving straight hair a tendency to 
curl are all impositions. The only curling-fluid of 
any service is a very weak solution of isinglass, 
which will hold the curl in the position in which it 
is placed if care is taken that it follows the direction 
in which the hair naturally falls. 

To PREVENT THE HAIR FROM FALLING OFF. 

A quarter of a pint of cod-liver oil, two drachms 
of origanum, fifteen drops of ambergris, the same of 
musk. 

Boxwood shavings six ounces, proof spirits twelve 
ounces, spirits of rosemary two ounces, spirits of 
nutmeg one-half an ounce. Steep the boxwood 
shavings in the spirits for fourteen days at a temper- 
ature of 60; strain, and add the rest. 

Vinegar of cantharides half an ounce, eau-de-co- 
logne one ounce, rose-water one ounce. The scalp 
should be brushed briskly until it becomes red, and 
the lotion should then be applied to the roots of the 
hair twice a day. 

EYE TOOTH POWDER. 

Rye contains carbonate of lime, carbonate of mag- 
nesia, oxide of iron, manganese, and silica, all suita- 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 485 

ble for application to the teeth. Therefore a fine 
tooth-powder is made by burning rye, or rye bread, 
to ashes, and grinding it to powder by passing the 
rolling pin over it. Pass the powder through a sieve 
and use. 

BANDOLINE. 

This essential for the toilette is prepared in several 
ways. 

It may be made of Iceland moss, a quarter of an 
ounce boiled in a quart of water, and a little rectified 
spirits added, so that it may keep. 

Simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of 
water for forty minutes ; strain, cool, add a few drops 
of scent, and bottle, corking tightly. 

Take of gum tragacanth one and a half drachms, 
water half a pint, rectified spirits mixed with an 
equal quantity of water three ounces, and a little 
scent. Let the mixture stand for a day or two, then 
strain. 

ROSE-WATER. 

Rose-water may be made by taking half an ounce 
of powdered white sugar and two drachms of mag- 
nesia; with these mix twelve drops of attar of roses. 
Add a quart of water and two ounces of alcohol, 
mixed in a gradual manner, and filter through blot- 
ting-paper. 

LIP-SALVE. 
This indispensable adjunct to the toilette may be 



486 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

made by melting in a jar placed in a basin of boiling 
water a quarter of an ounce each of white wax and 
spermaceti, flour of benzoin fifteen grains, and half an 
ounce of oil of almonds. Stir till the mixture is cool. 
Color red with a little alkanet root. 

To ACQUIRE A BRIGHT AND SMOOTH SKIN. 

Distill two handfuls of jessamine flowers in a 
quart of rose-water and a quart of orange-water. 
Strain through porous paper, and add a scruple of 
musk and a scruple of ambergris. 

Tepid bath and harsh towel. Air and exercise. 
Tepid water and bran. Infuse wheat-bran, well sif- 
ted, for four hours in white wine vinegar; add to it 
five yolks of eggs and two grains of ambergris, and 
distill the whole. It should be carefully corked for 
twelve or fifteen days. Constant application. 

STICKING-PLASTER. 

Stretch a piece of black silk on a wooden frame, 
and apply dissolved isinglass to one side of it with 
a brush. Let it dry, repeat the process, and then 
cover with a strong tincture of balsam of Peru. 

To IMPROVE THE COMPLEXION. 

The whites of four eggs boiled in rose-water, half 
an ounce of alum, half an ounce of oil of sweet 
almonds ; beat the whole together until it assumes 
the consistency of paste. Spread upon a silk or 
muslin mask, to be worn at night, 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 487 

BURNS. 

An application of cold, wet common whitening, 
placed on immediately, is recommended as an inval- 
uable remedy. 

PIMPERNEL WATER. 

Pimpernel is a most wholesome plant, and often 
used in European countries for the purpose of whiten- 
ing the complexion; it is there in so high reputa- 
tion, that it is said generally, that it ought to be 
continually on the toilet of every lady who cares for 
the brightness of her skin. 

Take a small piece of the gum benzoin and boil 
it in spirits of wine till it becomes a rich tincture. 
Fifteen drops poured into a glass of water; wash and 
leave to dry. 

To SOFTEN THE HANDS. 

Take half a pound of soft soap, a gill of salad 
oil, an ounce of mutton tallow, and boil them till 
they are thoroughly mixed. After the boiling has 
ceased, but before the mixture is cold, add one gill 
of spirits of wine and a grain of musk. Anoint 
the hands, draw on gloves, and let them remain till 
morning. 

FOR ROUGHNESS OF THE SKIN. 

Steep the pimpernel plant in pure rain-water, and 
bathe the face with the decoction. 
Mix two parts of white brandy with one part of 



488 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

rose-water, and wash the face night and morning. 
Take equal parts of the seed of the melon, pump- 
kin, gourd and cucumber, pounded until they are 
reduced to powder; add to it sufficient fresh cream to 
dilute the flour, and then add milk enough to reduce 
the whole to a thin paste. Add a grain of musk and 
a few drops of the oil of lemon. Anoint the face 
with this; leave it on twenty or thirty minutes, or 
over-night if convenient, and wash off with w r arm 
water. It gives a remarkable purity and brightness 
to the complexion. 

FOR ROUGH AND CHAPPED HANDS. 

Lemon-juice three ounces, white wine vinegar 
three ounces, and white brandy one-half a pint. 

To PREVENT HAIR TURNING GRAY. 

Oxide of bismuth four drachms, spermaceti four 
drachms, pure hog's lard four ounces. Melt the two 
last and add the first. 

To SOFTEN AND BEAUTIFY THE HAIR. 

Beat up the whites of four eggs into a froth, and 
rub thoroughly in close to the roots of the hair. 
Leave it to dry on. Then wash the head and hair 
clean with a mixture of equal parts of rum and rose- 
water. 

To REMOVE PIMPLES. 
Pimples are sometimes removed by frequent wash- 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 489 

ings in warm water and prolonged friction with a 
coarse towel. 

Sulphur-water one ounce, acetated liquor of am- 
monia one-quarter of an ounce, liquor of potassa one 
grain, white wine vinegar two ounces, distilled water 
two ounces. Bathe the face. 

To REMOVE TAN. 

New milk half a pint, lemon-juice one-fourth of 
nn ounce, white brandy half an ounce. Boil the 
whole, and skim clear from scum. Use night and 
morning. 

CURE FOR CORNS. 

Ons teaspoonful of tar, one teaspoonful of coarse 
brown sugar and one teaspoonful of saltpetre, the 
whole to be warmed together. Spread it on kip 
leather the size of the corns, and in two days they 
will be drawn out. 

Take nightshade berries, boil them in hog's lard, 
and anoint the corn with the salve. 

CHAPPED LIPS. 

Oil of roses four ounces, white wax one ounc&, 
spermaceti one-half an ounce. Melt in a glass 
vessel and stir with a wooden spoon. Pour into a 
glass or china cup. 

REMEDY FOR BLACK TEETH. 
Take equal parts of cream of tartar and salt; 



490 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

pulverize it and mix it well. Then wash your 
teeth in the morning, and rub them with the 
powder. 

To CLEAN THE TEETH AND GUMS. 

Take one ounce of myrrh in fine powder, two 
tahlespoonfuls of honey, and a little green sage in 
very fine powder. Mix them well together, and 
wet the teeth and gums with a little every night and 
morning. 

POMADE AGAINST BALDNESS. 

Take of extract of yellow Peruvian bark fifteen 
grains, extract of rhatany-root eight grains, extract 
of burdock-root and oil of nutmegs (fixed) of each 
two drachms, camphor (dissolved, with spirits of 
wine) fifteen grains, beef-marrow two ounces, best 
olive oil one ounce, citron-juice one-half a drachm, 
aromatic essential oil as much as sufficient to render 
it fragrant. Mix and make into an ointment. 

COLOGNE. 

Take one gallon of spirits of wine and add of the 
oil of lemon, orange and bergamot each a spoonful, 
also add extract of vanilla forty drops. Shake until 
the oils are cut, then add a pint and a half of soft 
water. 

Take two drachms each of oil of lemon, oil of 
rosemary and oil of bergamot, one drachm of oil of 
lavender, ten drops each of oil of cinnamon and oil 
of cloves, two drops of oil of rose, eight drops of 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 491 

tincture of musk, and one quart of alcohol or 
spirits of wine. Mix all together, when it will be 
ready for use. The older it gets, the better. 

Take one gallon of ninety per cent alcohol, and 
add to it one ounce each of oil of bergamot and oil 
of orange, two drachms of oil of cedrat, one drachm 
each of oil of neroli and oil of rosemary. Mix well, 
and it is fit for use. 

OX-MARROW POMATUM. 

Take two ounces of yellow wax and twelve ounces 
of beef-marrow. Melt all together, and when suffi- 
ciently cool perfume it with the essential oil of 
almonds. 

DENTIFRICE*. 

The following is one of the best recipes for tooth- 
powder: 

Take of prepared chalk six ounces, cassia powder, 
half an ounce, orris-root, an ounce. These are to be 
well mixed, and may be colored with red lake, or 
any other innocent substance, according to the fancy 
of the user. This dentifrice is to be used with a firm 
brush every morning; the teeth should also be brush- 
ed before going to bed, but it is seldom necessary to 
use the powder more than once a day. 

To CLEAN KID GLOVES. 

Wash them with soap and water, then stretch 
them on wooden hands or pull them into shape with- 



492 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

out wringing them ; next rub them with pipe-clay or 
yellow ochre, or a mixture of the two, in any requir- 
ed shade, made into a paste with heer ; let them dry 
gradually, and when about half dry rub them well, 
so as to smooth them and put them into shape; then 
dry them, brush out the superfluous color, cover 
them with paper and smooth them with a warm 
iron. Other colors may be employed to mix the 
pipe-clay besides yellow ochre. 

ANOTHER. 

Put the gloves on your hands and wash them, as 
if you were washing your hands, in some spirits of 
turpentine, until quite clean; then hang them up in 
a warm place or where there is a current of air, and 
all smell of the turpentine will be removed. 

By rubbing gloves with a clean cloth dipped in 
milk and then rubbed on brown Windsor soap you 
may restore them to a very fair state of cleanliness. 

How TO MAKE SHOES AND BOOTS WATERPROOF. 

Take neats' foot oil and dissolve in it caoutchouc 
(India-rubber), a sufficient quantity to form a kind 
of varnish; rub this on your boots or shoes. The 
oil must be placed where it is warm, and the caout- 
chouc put into it in parings. It will take several 
days to dissolve. 

To REMOVE A TIGHT RING. 
When a ring happens to get tightly fixed on the 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 493 

finger, as it will sometimes do, a piece of common 
twine should be wei) soaped, and then be wound 
round the finger as tightly as possible or as can be 
borne. The twine should commence at the point of 
the finger and be continued till the ring is reached ; 
the end of the twine must then be forced through the 
ring with the head of a needle, or anything else that 
may be at hand. If the string is then unwound, the 
ring is almost sure to come off the finger with it. 

To LOOSEN STOPPERS OF TOILETTE-BOTTLES. 
Let a drop of pure oil flow round the stopper, and 
stand the bottle a foot or two from the fire. After a 
time tap the stopper smartly, but not too hard, with 
the handle of a hair-brush; if this is not effectual, 
use a fresh drop of oil and repeat the process. It is 
pretty sure to succeed. 

CLEANING JEWELRY. 

Gold ornaments are best kept bright and clean 
with soap and warm water, with which they should 
be scrubbed, a soft nail-brush being used for the pur- 
pose. They may be dried in box sawdust, in a bed 
of which it is desirable to let them lie before the fire 
for a time. Imitation jewelry may be treated in the 
same way. 

To CLEAN KID BOOTS. 

Mix a little white of egg and ink in a bottle, so 
that the composition may be well shaken up when 
required for use. Apply to the kid with a piece of 



494 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

sponge and rub dry. The best thing to rub with is 
the palm of the hand. When the kid shows symp- 
toms of cracking, rub in a few drops of sweet oil. 
The soles and heels should be polished with common 
blacking. 

CLEANING SILVER. 

For cleaning silver, either articles of personal wear 
or those pertaining to the toilette-table or dressing- 
case, there is nothing better than a spoon-ful of com- 
mon whitening, carefully pounded so as to be without 
lumps, reduced to a paste with gin. 

To EEMOVE GREASE-SPOTS. 

French chalk is useful for removing grease-spots 
from clothing. Spots on silk will sometimes yield 
if a piece of blotting-paper is placed over them and 
the blade of a knife is heated (not too much) and 
passed over the paper. 

To CLEAN PATENT-LEATHER BOOTS. 

In cleaning patent-leather boots, first remove all 
the dirt upon them with a sponge or flannel; then 
the boot should be rubbed lightly over with a paste 
consisting of two spoonfuls of cream and one of 
linseed-oil, both of which require to be warmed be- 
fore being mixed. Polish with a soft cloth. 

To TAKE MILDEW OUT OF LINEN. 

Wet the linen which contains the mildew with soft 
water, rub it well with white soap, then scrape some 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 495 

fine chalk to powder and rub it well into the linen; 
lay it out on the grass in the sunshine, watching to 
keep it damp with soft water. Repeat the process 
the next day, and in a few hours the mildew will 
entirely disappear. 

To REMOVE STAINS AND SPOTS FROM SILK. 

We often find that lemon-juice, vinegar, oil of vit- 
riol and other sharp corrosives stain dyed garments. 
Sometimes, by adding a little pearlash to a soap- 
lather and passing the silks through these, the faded 
color will be restored. Pearlash and warm water will 
sometimes do alone, but it is the most efficacious to 
use the soap-lather and pearlash together. 

Boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of 
powdered alum for a short time, and pour it into 
a vessel to cool. Warm it for use, and wash the 
stained part with it and leave to dry. 

Wash the soiled part with ether, and the grease 
will disappear. 

TOOTHACHE PREVENTIVE. 

Use flowers of sulphur as a tooth-powder every 
night, rubbing the teeth and gums with a rather 
hard toothbrush. If done after dinner too, all the 
better. It preserves the teeth and does not commu- 
nicate any smell whatever to the mouth. 

CERTAIN CURE FOR A FELON. 
Take a pint of common soft soap and stir in it air- 
slaked lime till it is of the consistency of glazier's 



496 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

putty. Make a leather thimble, fill it with this com- 
position and insert the finger therein, and change the 
composition once in twenty minutes, and a cure is 
certain. 

CURE FOE THE CROUP. 

A piece of fresh lard as large as a butternut, rub- 
bed up with sugar in the same way that butter and 
sugar are prepared for the dressing of puddings, 
divided into three parts and given at intervals of 
twenty minutes, will relieve any case of croup which 
has not already progressed to the fatal point. 

CURE FOR INGROWING NAILS ON TOES. 
^.ake a little tallow and put it into a spoon, and 
heat it over a lamp until it becomes very hot ; then 
pour it on the sore or granulation. The effect will 
be almost magical. The pain and tenderness will at 
once be relieved. The operation causes very little 
pain il ^e tallow is perfectly heated. Perhaps a re- 
petition may be necessary in some cases. 

To EEMOVE GREASE-SPOTS FROM WOOLEN CLOTH. 

Take one quart of spirits of wine or alcohol, twelve 
drops of wintergreen, one gill of beef-gall and six 
cents' worth of lavender. A little alkanet to color if 
you wish. Mix. 

To CLEAN WOOLEN CLOTH. 

Take equal parts of spirits of hartshorn and ether. 
Ox-gall mixed with it makes it better. 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 497 

To TAKE INK-SPOTS FROM LINEN. 

Take a piece of mould candle of the finest kind, 
melt it, and dip the spotted part of the linen in the 
melted tallow. Then throw the linen into the wash. 

How TO DARKEN FADED FALSE HAIR. 

The switches, curls and frizzes which fashion de- 
mands should be worn will fade in course of time; 
and though they match the natural hair perfectly at 
first, they will finally present a lighter tint. If the 
hair is brown this can be remedied. Obtain a yard 
of dark-brown calico. Boil it until the color has 
well come out into the water. Then into this water 
dip the hair, and take it out and dry it. Repeat the 
operation until it shall be of the required depth of 
shade. 

How TO WASH LACES. 

Take an old wine-bottle and cover it with the cut- 
off leg of a soft, firm stocking, sewing it tightly above 
and below. Then wind the soiled collar or lace 
smoothly around the covered bottle; take a fine 
needle and thread and sew very carefully around the 
outer edge of the collar, catching every loop fast to 
the stocking. Then shake the bottle up and down in 
a pailful of warm soap-suds, occasionally rubbing tho 
soiled places with a sponge. It can be rinsed 
after the same manner. It must be rinsed well. 
When the lace is clean, then apply a very weak 
solution of gum arabic and stand the bottle in the 



498 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

sunshine to dry. Rip off the lace very carefully 
when perfectly dry. Instead of ironing, lay it be- 
tween the white leaves of a heavy book; or, if you 
are in a hurry, iron on flannel between a few thick- 
nesses of fine rnuslin. Done up in this way, lace 
collars will wear longer, stay clean longer, and 
have a rich, new, lacy look that they will not have 
otherwise. 

To KEEP HAIR IN CURL. 

To keep hair in curl, take a few quince-seed, boil 
them in water, and add perfumery if you like; wet 
the hair with this, and it will keep in curl longer than 
from the use of any other preparation. It is also 
good to keep the hair in place on the forehead on 
going out in the wind. 

PUTTING AWAY FURS FOR THE SUMMER. 

When you are ready to put away furs and woolens, 
and want to guard against the depredations of moths, 
pack them securely in paper flour-sacks and tie them 
up well. This is better than camphor or tobacco 
or snuff scattered among them in chest and drawers. 
Before putting your muffs away for the summer 
twirl them by the cords at the ends, so that every 
hair will straighten. Put them in their boxes and 
paste a strip of paper where the lid fits on. 

REMEDY FOR BURNT KID OR LEATHER SHOES. 
If a lady has had the misfortune to put her shoes 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 499 

or slippers too near the stove, and thus got them 
burned, she can make them nearly as good as ever 
by spreading soft-soap upon them while they are 
still hot, and then, when they are cold, washing it off. 
It softens the leather and prevents it drawing up. 

To CLEAN SILKS AND RIBBONS. 

The water in which pared potatoes have been 
boiled is very good to wash black silks in ; it stiffens 
and makes them glossy and black. 

Camphene will extract grease and clean ribbons 
without changing the color of most things. They 
should be dried in the open air and ironed when 
pretty dry. 

Soap-suds answer very well. They should be wash- 
ed in two suds and not rinsed in clean water. 

Take equal quantities of soap lye-soap, alchol or 
gin, and molasses. Lay the silk on a clean table 
without creasing; rub on the mixture with a flannel 
cloth. Rinse the silk well in cold clear water, and 
hang it up to dry without wringing. Iron it, before 
it gets dry, on the wrong side. Silks and ribbons 
treated in this way will look very nice. 

To CHOOSE GOOD BLACK SILK. 

Pull out a thread of the filling and see if it is 
strong. If it stands the test, then rub one coner of 
the silk in the hands as though washing it. After 
this operation, if it be good silk, it will upon being 
brushed out, look as smooth as ever. If, on holding 



500 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

it up to the light and looking through it, you see no 
traces of the rubbing, be sure the silk is good. The 
warp and filling should not differ much in size, or it 
will not wear well. If you choose a figured silk, let 
the figure be small and well woven in, else it will 
soon present a frayed appearance, and you will have 
to pick off the little tags of silk that will dot the 
breadths. 

How TO WASH A NUBIA. 

These pretty fleecy things are often ruined in the 
first washing. Yet it is possible to wash them and 
have them look almost as well as ever. First braid the 
tassels, then make a hot suds with fine castile soap, 
and instead of rubbing or wringing it with the hands, 
run it through the wringing-machine. Then open 
the nubia as widely as possible and spread it on 
some clean place to dry. A bed is a good place for 
this. After it is thoroughly dry take the braid out 
of the tassels, and the pretty little waves will be in 
them just as before washing. It is the rubbing and 
twisting of a nubia, or any knit article, which dam- 
ages it, and makes it look old and worn instead of 
light and airy and fleecy, as it does at first. If any 
article of this kind is torn, it should be mended 
carefully with crewel or fine silk of a corresponding 
color. Then dampen the place repaired, lay a paper 
over it, and press the spot with a warm iron. 

To TAKE STAINS OUT OF SILK. 
Mix together in a vial two ounces of essence of 



TOILETTE RECIPES. 501 

lemon and one ounce of oil of turpentine. Grease 
and other spots in silk must be rubbed gently with 
a linen rag dipped in the above composition. 

To EEMOVE ACID-STAINS FROM SILK. 
Apply spirits of hartshorn, with a soft rag. 

How TO WHITEN LINEN. 

Stains occasioned by fruit, iron rust and other 
similar causes may be removed by applying to the 
parts injured a weak solution of the chloride of 
lime, the cloth having been previously well washed. 
The parts subjected to this operation should be sub- 
sequently well rinsed in soft, clear, warm water, with- 
out soap, and be immediately dried in the sun. 

Oxalic acid diluted by water will accomplish the 
same end. 

PROTECTION AGAINST MOTHS. 

A small piece of paper or linen moistened with 
turpentine and put into the wardrobe or drawers for 
a single day two or three times a year is a sufficient 
preservative against moths. 

To EXTRACT PAINT FROM GARMENTS. 

Saturate the spot with spirits of turpentine, let it 
remain a number of hours, then rub it between the 
hands; it will crumble away without injury either to 
the texture or color of any kind of woolen, cotton 
or silk goods. 



502 TOILETTE RECIPES. 

To REMOVE STAINS FROM WHITE COTTON GOODS, 

Scalding water will remove fruit-stains. So also 
will hartshorn diluted with warm water, but it will 
be necessary to apply it several times. 

Common salt rubbed on fruit stains before they 
become dry will extract them. 

Colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on 
them should be soaked in lukewarm sour milk. 

For mildew, rub in salt and some buttermilk, and 
expose it to the influence of a hot sun. Chalk and 
soap or lemon-juice and salt are also good. As 
fast as the spots become dry more should be rubbed 
on, and the garment should be kept in the sun until 
the spots disappear. Some one of the preceding 
things will extract most kinds of stains but a hot 
sun is necessary to render any one of them ef- 
fectual. 

To EEMOVE SPOTS OF PITCH OR TAR. 

Scrape off all the pitch or tar you can, then sat* 
urate the spots with sweet-oil or lard; rub it in 
well, and let it remain in a warm place for an hour. 



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