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No. 


A.  (imtt 
34  (Salt 


Oloranto 


Sudd 


on 


Presented  to  the 

LIBRARY  of  the 

UNIVERSITY  OF  TORONTO 

by 

SCOTT  THOMPSON 


THE  COMPLETE   BACHELOR 


Cbe  Complete  Bachelor 

manners  for  men 


By  tbe  flutbor  of  tbe 
"fl$  Seen  by  Rim"  Papers 


Ulith  Index 


new  Vork 
D.  Hppleton  and  Company 

1897 


COPYRIGHT,  1896, 
BY  D.  APPLETON  AND  COMPANY. 


PREFACE. 


I  SUPPOSE  a  book  of  this  character  needs 
some  excuse.  The  world  is  full  of  volumes 
written  on  etiquette,  and,  in  adding  another  to 
the  number,  my  plea  for  filling  the  want  long 
felt  may  seem  ridiculous.  But  I  have  an  ex 
cellent  reason,  and  that  is,  that  in  all  treatises 
of  this  character  I  have  found  the  bachelor 
sadly  neglected. 

For  many  years,  while  conducting  the  query 
or  "agony  department"  in  Vogue,  I  received 
letters  from  all  parts  of  the  United  States  ask 
ing  for  information  on  certain  details  of  eti 
quette  which  seem  to  have  been  overlooked 
by  the  compilers  or  writers  of  etiquette  man 
uals.  My  correspondents  always  wanted  these 
questions  answered  from  the  New  York  stand 
point.  All  this  I  have  endeavored  to  do  in 
this  volume.  I  have  devoted  a  chapter  to 
sports.  In  this  I  have  made  no  attempt  to 


vi  ®l)e  Complete  Bachelor. 

give  the  rules  of  the  various  pastimes  therein 
enumerated.  I  have  simply  jotted  down  some 
points  which  I  hope  may  be  of  use  to  the  out 
sider. 

In  the  chapter  on  dancing  I  have  taken  the 
Patriarchs'  Ball  in  New  York  as  my  standard  of 
subscription  entertainments  of  this  character. 
I  have  also  written  about  cotillons  as  they  are 
conducted  in  New  York.  I  have  endeavored 
to  be  plain  and  lucid.  I  only  desired  that  this 
book  should  be  a  help  to  my  reader  in  any 
dilemma  of  social  import,  and  if  I  shall  have 
proved  of  assistance,  I  shall  feel  that  my  mis 
sion  has  been  accomplished,  and  that  I  have 
reached  the  goal  of  my  ambition. 


CONTENTS . 


CHAPTER  PAGE 

I.    THE    BACHELOR    IN    PUBLIC I 

II.    HOW    A    BACHELOR    SHOULD    DRESS  IO 

III.  THE  BACHELOR'S  TOILET 17 

IV.  THE  CARE  OF  A  BACHELOR'S  CLOTHES    ...  24 
V.   INTRODUCTIONS,  INVITATIONS,  AND  CALLS     .       .  41 

VI.  CARDS 49 

VII.  THE  DINER-OUT 54 

VIII.    A    CODE    OF    TABLE    MANNERS 62 

IX.     THE    CITY    BACHELOR    AS    HOST 74 

X.  THE     COUNTRY    HOUSE 85 

XI.   A  BACHELOR'S  SERVANTS 94 

XII.  THE  DANCE 102 

XIII.  THE  COTILLON      .       .       .       .       .       .       .       .112 

XIV.  A  BACHELOR'S  LETTERS 119 

XV.  THE  BACHELOR'S  CLUB 126 

XVI.  THE  SPORTING  BACHELOR 136 

XVII.  A  BACHELOR'S  TRAVELS  AT  HOME  AND  ABROAD    .  160 

XVIII.    THE    ENGAGED    BACHELOR 169 

XIX.  THE  BACHELOR'S  WEDDING 172 

XX.  FUNERALS                                 '93 


vii 


THE  COMPLETE   BACHELOR. 


CHAPTER   I. 

THE    BACHELOR    IN    PUBLIC. 

THE  average  man  is  judged  by  his  appear 
ance  and  his  deportment  in  public.  His  dress, 
his  bearing,  his  conduct  toward  women  and 
his  fellow-men,  are  telling  characteristics. 

In  the  street,  when  walking  with  a  woman 
— the  term  "lady  "  being  objectionable,  except 
in  case  of  distinction — every  man  should  be  on 
his  mettle.  Common  sense,  which  is  the  basis 
of  all  etiquette,  teaches  him  that  he  should  be 
her  protector.  Therefore,  under  general  cir 
cumstances,  his  place  is  on  the  street  or  outer 
side.  Should  there  be  a  crowd  on  the  inner 
side,  should  the  walking  be  muddy  or  rough, 
or  should  there  be  a  building  in  process  of  re 
pair,  or  one  or  the  other  of  the  inconveniences 
of  city  life,  then  the  man  should  take  the  side 
which  will  enable  him  to  shield  his  fair  com- 


Complete  Bachelor. 


panion  from  all  annoyance.  At  night  a  man 
offers  his  arm  to  a  woman.  In  the  daytime 
etiquette  allows  this  only  when  the  sidewalk 
is  very  rough,  when  there  are  steps  to  climb, 
a  crowd  to  be  piloted  through,  or  a  street 
crossing  to  effect.  In  any  one  of  these  emer 
gencies  suggest,  "  I  think  you  will  find  it  better 
to  take  my  arm."  A  man  never  walks  bodkin 
— that  is,  sandwiched  between  two  women. 

It  is  the  privilege  of  a  woman  to  bow  first. 
She  may  have  reasons  why  she  should  not 
wish  to  continue  an  acquaintance,  and  a  man 
should  never  take  the  initiative.  Abroad,  in 
many  countries,  the  man  bows  first.  When 
old  friends  meet,  however,  the  bowing  is  si 
multaneous. 

A  man  lifts  his  hat  in  acknowledgment  of 
any  salutation  made  to  the  woman  with  whom 
he  is  walking.  It  is  his  place,  on  such  an  oc 
casion,  to  bow  to  a  man  friend,  whether  the 
latter  enjoys  or  does  not  have  the  pleasure  of 
the  acquaintance  of  the  woman.  A  man's 
failure  to  do  this  signifies  that  the  woman 
does  not  wish  to  know  him,  or  that  her  com 
panion  does  not  wish  her  to  know  the  other 
man. 

Hotel  corridors  and  halls  may  be  classed  as 
semi-public  places.  A  man  meeting  a  woman 


Bacl)dor  in  public. 


in  one  of  these,  where  by  custom  he  is  per 
mitted  to  keep  on  his  hat,  must  step  aside  and 
let  her  pass,  raising  his  hat  as  he  does  so. 
This  does  not  apply  to  theater  corridors,  thea 
ter  or  hotel  lobbies,  or  offices.  In  such  houses 
as  the  Waldorf  in  New  York,  where  the  hall 
is  utilized  as  a  general  sitting  room  by  both 
sexes,  it  is  not  good  form  for  a  man  to  keep  on 
his  hat.  In  London,  however,  the  rule  is  not 
as  strict. 

Men  in  this  country  do  not  lift  their  hats  to 
one  another,  except  when  they  are  introduced 
in  the  open  or  a  public  place.  Civility  is  never 
wasted,  and  it  is  proper,  as  well  as  an  act  of 
reverence,  to  thus  salute  a  clergyman  or  a 
venerable  and  distinguished  gentleman. 

A  man  always  lifts  his  hat  when  offering  a 
woman  a  service,  such  as  picking  up  or  restor 
ing  to  her  a  dropped  pocket  handkerchief  or 
other  article,  or  when  passing  a  fare  in  a  public 
conveyance,  or  when  rendering  any  trifling 
assistance.  Should  she  be  with  a  male  escort, 
the  latter  should  raise  his  hat  and  thank  the 
person  who  has  rendered  the  service.  This 
bit  of  politeness  is  under  no  circumstances  the 
prelude  to  an  acquaintance  with  an  unescorted 
woman,  and  no  gentleman  would  take  ad 
vantage  of  it.  A  man  always  raises  his  hat 


(Complete  Bachelor. 


and  remains  uncovered  when  talking  to  a 
woman. 

It  is  not  good  form  to  stop  a  woman  on  the 
street,  even  if  the  exchange  of  a  few  common 
place  remarks  be  the  excuse.  A  man  never 
joins  a  woman  on  a  thoroughfare  unless  she 
be  one  from  whose  friendship  he  is  sure  that 
he  can  claim  this  privilege. 

A  gentleman  always  assists  a  woman  in 
and  out  of  a  carriage  or  a  public  conveyance. 
He  opens  the  door  of  the  vehicle  for  her,  helps 
her  in  by  a  deft  motion  of  the  right  arm,  and 
with  his  left  protects  her  skirts  from  any  possi 
ble  mud  or  dust  on  the  wheel.  As  he  leaves 
her  he  closes  the  door,  and,  if  it  be  a  private 
conveyance,  gives  directions  to  the  driver.  He 
lifts  his  hat  in  bidding  her  good-by.  Even 
when  there  is  a  footman,  a  second  man,  or  an 
attendant,  it  should  be  esteemed  a  favor  to 
give  this  assistance. 

In  entering  shops,  theaters,  or  other  build 
ings,  where  there  are  swinging  doors,  the  es 
cort  goes  ahead  and  holds  one  of  them  ajar, 
passing  in  last.  A  woman  always  precedes  a 
man,  except  in  one  or  two  special  cases.  A 
man  precedes  a  woman  walking  down  the 
aisle  of  a  theater,  and  it  is  better  form  that  he 
should  take  the  inside  seat,  especially  if  there 


J3acl)dor  in  Public. 


is  a  man  occupying  the  place  next  to  the  va 
cant  one.  A  man  precedes  a  woman  up  a 
narrow  staircase  in  a  public  building,  but  in  a 
private  house,  in  ascending  or  descending  a 
stairway,  he  should  always  allow  the  woman 
to  precede  him.  In  entering  a  theater  box  a 
man  follows  the  usher,  preceding  the  woman 
down  the  theater  corridor  to  the  door  of  the 
box.  He  then  holds  this  open,  and  the  women 
precede  him,  he  following  them.  In  a  church, 
in  going  down  a  narrow  aisle,  the  woman 
precedes  the  man. 

The  lift  or  elevator,  as  well  as  the  corridors 
and  lobbies  of  a  public  building,  the  office  of  a 
hotel,  and  the  vestibule  of  a  theater,  are  public 
highways.  In  these  places  a  man  keeps  on 
his  hat,  his  deportment  being  the  same  as  he 
would  observe  in  the  street.  But  when  the 
lift  or  elevator  is  fitted  up  as  a  drawing  room, 
such  as  is  used  in  hotels  and  other  semi-public 
buildings,  a  man  removes  his  hat  when  the 
other  sex  is  of  the  number  of  its  passengers. 

When  escorting  a  woman  to  a  house  where 
she  is  to  make  a  visit,  always  mount  the  stoop 
or  steps  with  her,  ring  the  bell,  and  remain 
there  until  the  servant  comes  to  the  door. 
Then,  if  you  are  not  going  in,  take  off  your 
hat  and  leave  her.  Restaurants,  the  dining 


Complete  Bachelor. 


rooms  of  hotels,  roof  gardens,  and  places  of 
amusement  in  the  open  air,  where  refreshments 
are  served,  are  semi-public. 

A  man  always  rises  from  the  table  at 
which  he  is  sitting  when  a  woman  bows  to 
him  and  immediately  returns  the  salutation. 
Should  the  place  be  in  the  open,  he  doffs  his 
hat,  which  under  such  circumstances  he  is 
obliged  to  wear.  When  he  is  in  a  party  and  a 
lady  and  her  escort  chance  to  stop  at  his  table 
to  exchange  greetings  with  his  friends,  he 
should  rise  and  remain  standing  during  the 
conversation.  If  a  man  is  introduced  to  him, 
unattended  by  a  woman,  and  he  is  with  a  stag 
party,  politeness  bids  him  also  rise. 

A  gentleman  will  never  be  seen  in  public 
with  characters  whom  he  could  not  introduce 
to  his  mother  or  his  sister.  A  man  when  he 
is  with  a  lady  should  be  very  careful,  especial 
ly  at  roof  gardens  and  such  places  in  mid 
summer,  about  recognizing  male  acquaintances 
who  seem  to  be  in  rather  doubtful  company. 

In  walking,  a  man  should  carry  either  a 
stick  or  a  well-rolled  umbrella.  The  stick 
should  be  grasped  just  below  the  crook  or 
knob,  but  the  ferrule  must  be  kept  downward. 
In  business  hours  or  on  business  thoroughfares 
to  carry  a  stick  is  an  affectation,  but  the  man 


Sadjdor  in  Public. 


of  leisure  is  regarded  leniently  in  these  abodes 
as  a  privileged  character. 

The  umbrella  is  an  instrument  of  peace 
rather  than  a  weapon  of  war,  and  should  not 
be  carried  as  "  trailed  arms,"  but  like  the  stick 
it  should  be  grasped  a  short  distance  below  the 
handle,  and  the  latter  held  almost  upright  on  a 
very  slight  perpendicular. 

In  the  presence  of  ladies,  unless  by  special 
permission,  a  gentleman  never  smokes,  and 
under  no  circumstances  does  he  indulge  in  a 
weed  while  on  the  street  or  walking  with 
them.  If,  while  smoking,  a  man  should  meet 
a  woman  and  there  should  be  any  stopping  to 
talk,  he  must  at  once  throw  away  his  cigar  or 
his  cigarette.  A  pipe  is  never  smoked  on 
fashionable  promenades,  and  a  man  in  a  top 
hat  and  a  frock  coat  with  a  pipe  in  his  mouth 
is  an  anomaly.  The  pipe  accompanies  tweeds 
and  a  "pot"  hat  in  the  country  or  on  busi 
ness  thoroughfares.  A  meerschaum  or  a 
wooden  pipe  is  then  allowable,  but  never  a 
clay  or  a  dudeen.  The  cuspidor  is  a  ban 
ished  instrument.  The  filthy  custom  of  to 
bacco  chewing  and  consequent  expectoration 
can  not  be  tolerated  in  civilized  society. 

A  gentleman  is  never  hurried,  nor  does  he 
loiter.  The  fashionable  gait  is  comparatively 


Complete  Bachelor. 


slow,  with  long  steps.  The  exaggerated  stride 
of  the  Anglomaniac  is  as  bad  form  as  the  swag 
ger  of  the  Bowery  "tough."  The  correct  de 
meanor  is  without  gesture  or  apparent  effort. 

Staring  at  or  ogling  women,  standing  at 
the  entrances  of  theaters,  churches,  or  other 
public  buildings,  stopping  still  and  turning 
back  to  look  at  some  one  or  something  in  the 
street,  can  be  classified  as  offenses  of  which  no 
gentleman  can  be  guilty. 

Free  and  easy  attitudes  are  not  tolerated  in 
good  society,  and  this  same  rule  should  apply 
to  public  conveyances.  As  the  man  who 
crosses  his  legs  in  the  presence  of  ladies  is  ab 
solutely  impossible,  so  should  be  the  individual 
who  commits  the  same  crime  in  a  public  con 
veyance.  He  not  only  proves  a  nuisance  to 
those  around  him,  but  he  is  a  source  of  dam 
age  as  well  as  danger  to  the  comfort  and  safety 
of  his  fellow-passengers. 

In  a  crowded  car,  ferryboat,  or  stage,  it  is 
yet  a  mooted  question  as  to  whether  or  not  a 
man  should  give  up  his  seat  to  a  woman.  In 
theory  he  should,  but  there  are  circumstances 
under  which  he  may  be  pardoned.  To  a  re 
fined  or  delicate  lady,  to  an  old  or  an  enfeebled 
woman,  or  one  burdened  with  bundles  or  with 
a  baby  in  the  arms,  the  answer  to  this  should 


8acl)cl0r  in  Public. 


be  a  decided  affirmative.  In  the  South,  this 
gallant  action  is  universally  practiced,  except 
when  the  woman  is  a  negress.  In  public  con 
veyances  a  man  should  sit  to  the  right  of  a 
woman. 

An  escort  should  pay  all  fares  in  public  con 
veyances,  and  should  look  after  the  comfort 
and  welfare  of  his  companion,  taking  entire 
charge  of  tickets,  luggage,  and  luggage  checks. 
Should  a  woman  insist  upon  paying  her  pro 
rata  of  the  expenses  the  arrangement  can  be 
made  before  starting,  many  sensible  women 
handing  their  escorts  their  purses  for  the  pur 
pose.  Do  not  offer  to  pay  the  fare  of  any  of 
your  women  friends  who  might  possibly  enter 
your  train  or  stage.  This  is  embarrassing  and 
not  necessary.  A  railway  car  or  carriage  be 
ing  a  public  conveyance,  a  man  always  keeps 
on  his  hat,  as  he  also  does  in  a  cab  or  any 
other  vehicle  in  which  he  is  driving,  accom 
panied  or  not  accompanied  by  one  of  the  op 
posite  sex. 


CHAPTER  II. 

HOW   A   BACHELOR  SHOULD   DRESS. 

There  are  three  rules  of  dress  which,  for 
the  ordinary  man  in  his  everyday  life,  might 
be  resolved  into  two.  These  originally  are 
morning,  afternoon,  and  evening.  Morning 
and  evening  are  absolutely  necessary;  after 
noon  dress  is  donned  on  special  occasions 
only. 

Morning  dress  is  that  which  is  worn  dur 
ing  business  hours  or  at  any  time  in  any  place, 
where  semiformal  dress  is  not  required  until 
candlelight  or  seven  o'clock  in  the  evening. 
It  consists  usually  in  winter  of  a  lounge  or 
single-breasted  sack  suit  made  of  many  differ 
ent  kinds  of  material,  the  favorites  being  Scotch 
tweeds  or  black  and  blue  cheviots,  rough-faced 
and  smooth.  Fashions  are  liable  to  some  va 
riation  season  after  season,  and  the  general 
rule  can  only  be  laid  down  in  a  book  of  this 

kind. 

10 


a  Bachelor  sljoulb  Dress.        n 


With  the  morning  or  lounge  dress  in  win 
ter  is  worn  the  Derby  or  soft-felt  Alpine  hat, 
called  the  Hombourg.  The  Derbies  are  black, 
brown,  or  drab,  and  the  felts  are  gray,  brown, 
drab,  or  black.  The  colored  shirt  with  white 
standing  or  turned-down  collar  is  the  usual  ac 
companiment  to  the  lounge  suit.  The  fashion 
for  colored  shirts  in  stripes  has  been  that  the 
patterns  run  up  and  down  and  not  across  the 
bosom.  The  tie  is  a  four-in-hand  or  an  Ascot, 
or  a  simple  bow,  the  boots  black  leather  or 
dark-brown  russet,  and  the  gloves  of  tan  or 
gray  undressed  kid  or  of  dogskin.  For  ordi 
nary  business  wear,  suits  of  black  or  gray 
mixed  cheviot,  vicuna  or  worsted,  or  fancy 
Scotch  goods,  the  coat  of  which  is  a  "  cuta 
way,  "are  also  popular;  but  the  black  diago 
nal  "cutaway  "  has  passed  entirely  out  of  fash 
ion,  and  is  utilized  at  present  in  riding  costume. 

The  lounge  suit  in  summer  is  of  blue  flan 
nel  or  very  light  cheviot  or  tweed.  Straw  hats 
are  worn  in  place  of  Derbies  and  felts.  Fash 
ion  sometimes  dictates  fancy  waistcoats  of  linen 
to  be  worn  with  business  suits;  otherwise  the 
entire  costume  —  trousers,  coat,  and  waistcoat 
—  is  of  the  same  material. 

In  the  country,  at  the  seaside,  or  in  com 
munities  where  golf,  wheeling,  tennis,  yacht- 


12  ®be  (Complete  Bachelor. 

ing  or  other  sports  and  pastimes  are  the  order 
of  the  day,  the  costumes  appropriate  for  these 
are  in  vogue  for  lounge  or  morning  suits.  This 
is  what  the  English  call  "mufti."  Such  cos 
tumes  are,  however,  not  in  good  form  in  the 
city. 

Black  leather,  tan,  or  russet  shoes  are  worn 
with  morning  dress.  White  duck  or  flannel 
trousers,  with  black  or  blue  cheviot  coat  and 
waistcoat,  make  fashionable  lounge  suits  for 
summer  resorts. 

Afternoon  dress  consists  of  a  double- 
breasted  frock  coat  of  soft  cheviot,  vicuna,  or 
diagonal  worsted  with  either  waistcoat  to 
match — single-breasted  or  double-breasted — of 
fancy  cloth,  Marseilles  duck  or  pique;  trousers 
of  different  material,  usually  cashmere,  quiet 
in  tone,  with  a  striped  pattern  on  a  dark  gray, 
drab,  or  blue  background;  boots  of  patent 
leather,  buttoned,  not  tied;  a  white  or  colored 
shirt  with  straight  standing  white  collar;  a 
four-in-hand,  puffed  Ascot,  or  small  club  tie; 
silk  hat  and  undressed  gray,  tan,  or  brown 
kid  gloves.  The  colored  shirt  is  an  innova 
tion,  and  it  should  be  used  sparingly,  white 
linen  on  any  semiformal  function  being  in  bet 
ter  form.  When  spats  are  used  they  should 
be  of  brown,  gray,  or  drab  cloth  or  canvas, 


a  Bachelor  sfyaulfc  5Dres0.        13 


to  match  the  trousers  as  nearly  as  possible. 
Some  ultra  faddists  wear  white  kid  gloves  with 
afternoon  dress,  but  the  fashion  is  not  universal. 

Afternoon  dress,  is  the  attire  for  weddings 
—  for  the  bridegroom,  best  man,  ushers,  and 
male  guests;  at  afternoon  teas,  afternoon  re 
ceptions,  afternoon  calls,  afternoon  walks  on 
the  fashionable  avenue,  garden  parties  (but  not 
picnics),  luncheons,  and,  in  fact,  at  all  formal 
or  semiformal  functions  taking  place  between 
midday  and  candlelight,  as  well  as  at  church 
on  Sundays,  at  funerals,  and  in  the  park  in 
London  after  midday. 

Gray  frock-coat  suits  are  recent  introduc 
tions  from  London,  and  have  been  worn  at  all 
the  functions  at  which  the  black  is  required, 
but  the  latter  is  more  conservative  and  in  bet 
ter  taste.  The  afternoon  dress  is  seldom  worn 
in  midsummer,  morning  suits  being  allowable 
at  seaside  and  mountain-resort  day  functions. 

Evening  dress  is  the  proper  attire,  winter 
or  summer,  on  all  occasions  after  candlelight. 
There  are  two  kinds  of  evening  dress,  formal 
and  informal. 

Formal  or  "full"  evening  dress,  as  it  is 
sometimes  vulgarly  called,  consists  of  the  even 
ing  or  "swallowtail"  coat  of  black  dress 
worsted  or  soft-faced  vicuna,  with  or  without 


14  ®l)£  Complete  Bachelor. 

silk  or  satin  facing,  with  waistcoat  and  trou 
sers  of  the  same  material,  the  latter  plain  or 
with  a  braid  down  the  sides.  The  "dress" 
waistcoat  can  also  be  of  white  duck  or  pique, 
in  which  case  it  is  double-breasted.  The  shape 
of  the  dress  waistcoat  shows  the  shirt  bosom 
in  the  form  of  a  "  U." 

The  evening  shirt  is  of  plain  white  linen, 
with  two  shirt  buttons  and  link  cuffs,  straight 
standing  collar,  white  lawn  or  linen  tie.  The 
gloves  are  white  with  white  stitching,  the  hose 
of  black  silk,  and  the  handkerchief,  which 
must  be  present  but  not  seen,  of  plain  white 
linen.  The  shoes  are  patent-leather  pumps  or 
"low  quarters,"  tied,  not  buttoned. 

The  overcoat  is  an  Inverness  of  black  chev 
iot,  lined  with  satin  and  without  sleeves,  and 
the  hat  a  crush  opera.  These  two  latter  ad 
juncts  are  not  indispensable,  but  most  conven 
ient.  An  ordinary  black  overcoat  and  top  hat 
can  be  worn  with  evening  dress.  No  visible 
jewelry — not  even  a  watch  chain — is  allowed. 
The  shirt  buttons  are  either  of  white  enamel, 
dull-finished  gold,  or  pearls,  and  the  sleeve 
links  white-enameled  or  lozenge-shaped  disks 
of  gold,  with  a  monogram  thereon  engraved. 

Evening  dress  is  de  rigeur  at  balls,  dances, 
evening  receptions,  evening  weddings,  din- 


a  Sacljelor  sl)onib  Dress.         15 


ners,  suppers,  the  opera,  and  the  theater,  when 
calling  after  candlelight,  and  in  fact  at  any  for 
mal  evening  function  and  generally  when  ladies 
are  present. 

Informal  evening  dress  differs  from  formal 
in  the  wearing  of  the  Tuxedo  or  dinner  coat 
in  place  of  the  "swallowtail,"  and  the  sub 
stitution  of  a  black  silk  for  a  white  lawn  tie. 

The  dinner  coat  is  of  black  worsted  or  vi 
cuna,  satin-faced.  It  is  the  badge  of  infor 
mality.  Formerly  it  was  only  worn  at  the 
club,  at  small  stag  dinners,  and  on  occasions 
when  ladies  were  not  present.  Now  it  is  in 
vogue  during  the  summer  at  hotel  hops  and  at 
small  informal  parties  to  the  play,  at  bowling 
parties,  restaurant  dinners,  and,  in  fact,  on  any 
occasion  which  is  not  formal.  From  June  to 
October  men  wear  it  in  town  every  evening 
without  overcoat. 

As  the  dinner  jacket  is  short,  a  top  or  silk 
hat  can  not  be  worn  with  it.  The  proper 
headgear  in  winter  is  a  black  felt  soft  hat,  in 
summer  a  straw. 

The  dinner  jacket  is  becoming  a  necessity. 
It  is  worn  also  by  all  youths  and  boys  from 
twelve  years  to  seventeen,  at  which  latter 
period  they  can  assume  the  toga  virilis  or 
swallowtail. 


16  ®l)e  (Jlomplete  Bncljekrr. 


I  here  append  a  few  cautionary  hints  which 
must  be  taken  if  you  wish  to  dress  well. 

All  scarves  and  ties  should  be  tied  by  one's 
self.  Made-up  neckwear  of  any  kind  is  not 
worn  by  well-groomed  men. 

White  evening  waistcoats  and  Tuxedo 
coats  do  not  agree;  black  is  only  allowable. 

Jewelry  is  vulgar.  The  ring  for  a  man  is  a 
seal  of  either  green  or  red  stone,  or  of  plain 
burnished  gold  with  the  seal  or  monogram  en 
graved  upon  it.  It  must  be  worn  on  the  little 
finger. 

Watch  chains  and  watch  fobs  are  not  in 
vogue.  Watches  and  latchkeys  are  attached 
to  a  key  chain  and  hidden  in  the  trousers 
pocket.  Diamonds  are  only  in  good  form 
when  set  in  a  scarf  pin,  and  even  then  they 
are  in  questionable  taste.  Diamond  buttons 
and  diamond  rings  are  absolutely  vulgar. 

The  fashionable  overcoat  in  winter  is  a 
Chesterfield  or  single-breasted  frock  of  kersey 
or  like  material  in  brown,  blue,  or  black,  with 
velvet  collar.  For  autumn  and  spring  the  tan 
covert  coat  is  in  vogue. 


CHAPTER  III. 

THE   BACHELOR'S   TOILET. 

The  first  care  of  a  bachelor  is  his  bath  or 
tub.  To-day,  houses — especially  clubs  and 
bachelor  apartments — are  fitted  up  so  luxuri 
ously  that  each  tenant  has  his  own  individual 
tiled  bathroom,  which  he  uses  also  as  a  dress 
ing  room.  But  where  these  are  not,  the  tin  or 
the  India-rubber  bath  tub  serves  as  well  the 
purpose  of  our  first  ablution.  A  cold  bath  to 
many  is  a  good  refresher  and  awakener,  but 
there  are  others  again  whose  constitutions  can 
not  stand  the  shock,  especially  in  winter,  of 
icy-cold  water.  For  cleansing  purposes,  tepid 
water  is  best,  or  a  mixture  of  hot  and  cold,  so 
as  to  take  the  chill  off. 

A  gentleman  takes  at  least  one  tub  a  day, 
and  that,  as  may  be  inferred  from  the  previous 
remarks,  when  he  arises.  If  the  tub  is  in  the 
bedroom,  have  a  rubber  cloth  placed  under, 
and  fill  it  only  half  full.  The  sponge  is  used 

17 


i8  ®|je  Complete  Bacljelor. 

for  the  bath,  the  wash  rag  for  the  washstand. 
The  body  should  have  a  thorough  soaping. 
The  soap  should  be  either  Castile  or  a  pure 
unscented  glycerin.  Sweet-scented  soaps, 
perfumery,  and  sweet  waters  of  all  kinds 
should  be  eschewed.  The  Turkish  towel  is 
the  best  for  drying,  and  it  should  be  vigorously 
but  not  roughly  applied.  A  flesh  brush  may 
be  also  used  with  comfort.  As  soon  as  the 
body  is  perfectly  dry  the  bath  robe  or  large 
Turkish  towel,  which  some  prefer  to  wrap 
themselves  in,  like  Indians,  should  be  resumed 
and  shaving  begun. 

Every  man  should  learn  to  shave  himself. 
Razors  are  very  delicate  instruments  and  should 
be  kept  in  thorough  order.  Safety  razors  with 
little  blades  for  each  day  in  the  week  are  ex 
cellent,  but  if  you  use  the  ordinary  razor  add 
to  your  collection  from  time  to  time,  until  you 
have  at  least  half  a  dozen.  Once  a  month  send 
these  to  a  barber  to  be  stropped,  and  strop 
them  yourself  both  before  and  after  using. 
Wipe  them  dry  with  a  piece  of  chamois  cloth 
and  put  them  back  in  their  cases.  The  best 
strop  is  of  Russia  leather  or  of  canvas. 

Warm  water  is  not  absolutely  necessary 
for  shaving,  as  some  beards  are  soft  and  resist 
heat. 


Bachelor's  SToiiet.  19 


If  possible,  arrange  a  shaving  stand  with  a 
triplicate  mirror  and  places  for  your  razors, 
shaving  mug,  brush,  and  soap.  You  can  pur 
chase  one  of  these,  with  the  entire  outfit,  for  a 
few  dollars  at  any  of  the  large  city  shops.  A 
ring  or  little  silver  or  metal  hook  for  shaving 
paper  can  be  placed  on  one  side  of  the  stand. 
A  cleanly  man  shaves  every  morning.  After 
shaving,  wash  the  face  with  a  little  warm  water 
and  wipe  it  thoroughly  dry.  Add  to  the  wa 
ter  a  few  drops  of  ammonia  or  of  Pond's  ex 
tract,  if  the  skin  is  liable  to  chap. 

In  the  fashion  of  beards,  the  clean  or 
smooth-shaven  face,  the  pointed  beard,  and  the 
simple  mustache  are  those  generally  in  vogue. 
Should  you  wear  a  beard,  you  should  have  for 
it  a  special  comb  and  brush. 

A  small  tin  basin,  a  package  of  sea  salt,  and 
a  special  wash  rag  are  the  requisites  for  a 
morning  eye  bath.  Sea  salt  and  warm  water 
are  recommended  by  oculists  as  the  best  tonic 
for  the  eyes. 

The  teeth  next  claim  your  attention.  There 
is  nothing  more  disgusting  than  foul  breath, 
which  comes  frequently  from  neglected  teeth. 
Use  a  soft  toothbrush.  Avoid  patent  tooth 
washes  and  lotions.  An  excellent  tooth  pow 
der  is  made  of  two  thirds  French  chalk,  one 


20  (J^e  Complete  Bcul)cl0r. 

third  orris  root,  and  a  pinch  of  myrrh.  Any 
chemist  will  put  this  up  for  fifteen  cents. 
Tepid  and  not  cold  water  should  be  used.  In 
rinsing  the  mouth  a  drop  or  two  of  listerine 
added  to  the  water  is  excellent.  Teeth  should 
be  brushed  at  least  twice  a  day — morning  and 
evening.  Never  use  soap  on  your  toothbrush. 
Get  a  spool  of  dental  silk — it  will  cost  you 
eight  cents — and  draw  the  thread  between 
your  teeth  before  you  retire,  so  as  to  remove 
any  substance  which  might  have  got  into  a 
crevice.  And,  above  all,  have  your  teeth  ex 
amined  carefully  by  a  good  dentist  at  least 
twice  a  year. 

See  that  your  toothbrush  is  sweet  and 
clean,  and  place  it  handle  down  in  the  tooth 
mug. 

The  hands  should  be  well  washed  and 
dried,  tepid  water,  scentless  soap,  and  a 
smooth  towel  being  used.  The  nails  should 
have  a  vigorous  rubbing  with  a  good  nail 
brush  in  the  morning  before  your  meals  and 
before  you  go  to  bed  at  night.  The  nail  file 
and  nail  scissors  must  be  used  as  often  as  pos 
sible.  Remember,  dirty  finger  nails  betray 
the  vulgar  and  the  unkempt.  A  man  with 
dirty  hands  is  impossible. 

The  nails  should  not  be  pointed,  but  well 


21 


rounded  and  kept  free  of  bits  of  callous  skin 
around  the  base,  called  "hangnails."  Finger 
nails  should  be  kept  short,  just  a  bit  beyond 
the  fleshy  tip  of  the  finger. 

The  nails  of  the  toes  should  be  kept  as 
carefully  as  those  of  the  hands.  In  summer 
a  little  talcum  powder  on  the  feet  will  prevent 
the  odor  of  perspiration. 

The  fashions  for  parting  the  hair  change 
with  the  times.  At  present  it  is  the  direct 
part  in  the  middle  which  is  most  fashionable. 
Very  young  men  wear  their  hair  unusually 
long,  but  this  fad  is  uncleanly.  The  hair 
should  be  cut  at  least  once  a  month,  and  a 
glimpse  of  the  skin  of  the  neck  should  al 
ways  intervene  between  the  roots  and  the 
collar. 

Pomatums  and  greases  and  scents  of  all 
kinds  are  sticky  and  injurious.  If  you  suffer 
with  dryness  of  the  scalp  rub  a  little  vaseline 
into  it  occasionally.  Washings  with  tar  soap 
or  with  a  little  alcohol  and  rosemary  are  bene 
ficial.  The  scalp  should  be  well  brushed  with 
moderately  firm  but  not  hard  bristles.  The 
best  brushes  are  those  without  handles,  known 
as  army  and  navy.  Water  is  bad  for  the  hair. 
Constant  combing  with  a  fine-tooth  comb  is 
apt  to  irritate  the  scalp  and  provoke  dandruff, 


22  ®l)c  Complete  Sculptor. 

which  can  be  allayed  by  brushing,  shampoo 
ing,  and  the  use  of  borax  and  warm  water. 

Turkish  or  Russian  baths  are  beneficial 
now  and  then,  and  the  vigorous  massage  after 
a  thorough  steaming  is  admirable  for  the  skin. 
A  man  should  be  scrupulously  neat  about  his 
toilet  articles  and  appliances.  In  your  bath 
room  you  should  have  a  rack  for  your  coarse 
and  fine  towels.  Always  place  the  towel  you 
have  used  at  the  side  of  a  stationary  or  on  the 
back  of  a  movable  tub  to  dry.  See  that  the 
soap  is  removed  from  your  sponges,  and  once 
a  fortnight  clean  them  in  one  quarter  of  an 
ounce  of  borax  dissolved  in  tepid  water.  Let 
them  soak  for  an  hour,  and  squeeze  them  out 
in  clean  water. 

Hairbrushes  are  washed  in  a  little  soda  put 
into  a  quart  of  hot  water.  The  brush  must  be 
dipped  downward  so  as  not  to  wet  the  back. 
When  they  are  cleansed  they  can  be  rinsed  in 
cold  water  and  stood  on  their  side,  after  the 
water  is  shaken  out,  until  quite  dry. 

Nailbrushes  must  be  turned  on  their  sides, 
after  using,  so  that  the  water  will  not  soak  in 
and  crack  their  backs. 

A  man's  toilet  articles,  whether  in  silver  or 
wood,  should  be  of  one  distinctive  style  and 
material.  Tooth  and  nail  brushes  should  never 


Bachelor's  QToilci.  23 


have  silver  handles,  but  hair  and  clothes  brushes 
with  silver  backs  are  very  smart.  They  should 
be  kept  polished  with  a  chamois  cloth,  and 
occasionally  a  little  silver  polish  or  whiting. 
Your  bureau  or  dressing  table  is  the  place  for 
the  hair  and  clothes  brushes,  the  combs,  the 
toilet  mirror,  nail  files,  nail  scissors,  and  such 
smaller  articles.  Your  nail  and  tooth  brushes 
and  soaps  go  on  the  wash-hand  stand.  Your 
sponges  are  best  put  in  a  little  wire  basket  at 
the  side  of  the  wash-hand  stand,  or  the  im 
movable  washstand  if  your  room  or  bath 
room  has  the  latter  convenience. 

Your  bedroom  should  be  ventilated  and  all 
the  windows  opened  after  you  leave  it,  and 
you  should  have  at  least  one  window  up  dur 
ing  your  sleeping  hours.  If  you  have  a  mov 
able  tub  see  that  it  is  aired  each  morning  after 
using. 

Always  make  a  change  of  clothes  and  of 
shoes  when  you  come  in  from  a  busy  day  and 
from  the  street.  Nothing  ruins  clothes  so 
much  as  lounging  about  your  room  in  them. 
And  last  but  not  least,  as  it  contains  the  essen 
tial  of  all  these  rules  and  hints,  be  always  im 
maculately  clean. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

THE  CARE  OF  A  BACHELOR'S  CLOTHES. 

There  are  comparatively  few  men  who  can 
afford  the  luxury  of  a  good  valet,  and  that  per 
sonage  himself,  when  found  thoroughly  com 
petent,  is  indeed  a  treasure.  But  it  is  an  ab 
surd  mistake  for  any  one  to  think  that  a  valet 
is  a  necessity.  If  you  take  a  quarter  of  an  hour 
for  the  care  of  your  clothes  every  day,  you  can 
be  just  as  well  turned  out  as  if  you  hired  an 
expensive  servant.  Even  if  you  have  indulged 
in  the  luxury  of  a  valet,  you  yourself  should 
know  all  about  looking  after  your  wardrobe. 

Whenever  you  change  your  clothes  you 
should  first  empty  all  your  pockets.  Then,  as 
soon  as  each  garment  is  removed,  it  should  be 
vigorously  shaken  and  brushed  before  it  is 
folded  and  put  away.  Never  hang  coats,  trou 
sers,  or  waistcoats ;  always  fold  them.  Wire 
coat  hangers  and  trousers  stretchers  ruin 
clothes.  Whisk  brooms  are  useful  only  when 

24 


®l)c  (Have  of  a  Selector's  Clothes.     25 

an  extra-vigorous  treatment  is  desired.  Take 
a  clothes  brush  and  give  your  coat,  as  soon  as 
you  take  it  off,  a  thorough  brushing,  and  hold 
it  to  the  light,  so  that  no  particle  of  dust  may 
escape  your  eye.  The  coat  is  then  folded  ex 
actly  in  half  lengthwise,  sleeve  to  sleeve,  the 
lining  on  the  outside.  With  evening  coats  it  is 
sometimes  necessary  to  fold  the  sleeves  in  half, 
owing  to  the  shortness  of  the  waist.  In  pack 
ing  a  trunk  the  same  method  is  used,  only  the 
sleeves  are  stuffed  with  tissue  paper  to  avoid 
possible  wrinkles. 

Large  and  bulky  garments,  such  as  over 
coats  and  frock  coats,  should  be  folded  in  trip 
licate.  Lay  the  coat  flat  on  a  table  and  first 
fold  on  both  sides,  the  right  and  the  left,  so 
much  of  the  lapel  and  collar  lengthwise  as  will 
cover  the  sleeve.  This  will  make  two  folds 
from  the  top  of  the  collar  to  the  bottom  of  the 
skirt.  Then  fold  the  coat  again  in  half  length 
wise,  using  the  back  as  a  hinge.  You  will 
find  the  same  principle  illustrated  by  a  cook 
with  a  pancake.  The  waistcoat  is  folded  in 
half,  with  the  lining  on  the  outside.  Always 
take  off  your  shoes  and  unbutton  the  braces 
before  you  remove  your  trousers,  and  fold 
them  over  the  back  of  a  chair,  which  is  to 
serve  you  as  a  clothes  rack.  Take  the  trousers 
3 


26  ®l)c  Complete  £ad)elor. 

by  the  waist  and  place  together  the  first  two 
suspender  buttons,  one  on  the  left  and  the 
other  on  the  right.  This  will  make  the  fold 
preserve  the  natural  crease  and  dispose  of  the 
extra  material,  button  and  buttonhole  tab  at 
the  waist.  Trousers  carefully  folded  will  only 
need  pressing  about  twice  a  year.  Hose 
should  be  well  shaken,  and  unless  perfectly 
clean,  thrown  in  the  soiled-linen  basket.  Even 
ing  silk  hose  can  be  worn  several  times.  The 
undervest,  or  undershirt,  and  the  drawers 
should  be  also  subjected  to  a  vigorous  shaking, 
and  hung  on  the  back  of  the  same  chair  where 
you  have  already  placed  your  hose.  All  these 
intimate  garments  are  to  be  aired,  and  the 
chair  on  which  you  have  hung  them  taken  to 
the  window. 

Use  a  closet  and  a  chest  of  drawers  for  your 
clothes.  If  you  are  in  very  limited  quarters, 
six  drawers  and  a  trunk  should  be  sufficient 
for  all  your  belongings.  The  evening  clothes 
occupy  one  drawer  or  shelf,  and  the  morning 
and  afternoon  suits  the  other  or  two  others. 
The  remainder  will  be  for  linen,  underclothing, 
ties,  and  handkerchiefs. 

Between  each  suit  of  clothes  there  should 
be  laid  a  newspaper;  those  publications  which 
use  the  blackest  of  printer's  ink — the  surest  an- 


dare  of  a  J3acl)elor1s  (Clothes.     27 


tidote  for  moths  —  being  the  best  for  this  pur 
pose.  Cover  the  top  of  each  pile  of  clothes, 
when  the  drawer  or  shelf  is  full,  with  a  clean 
towel. 

In  a  chest  with  four  drawers  the  bottom 
one  should  be  used  for  underclothes,  the  top 
for  handkerchiefs,  hose,  and  ties,  and  the  two 
intermediate  for  your  linen.  The  closet  will 
have  to  serve  for  your  suits  of  clothes,  or,  in 
lieu  of  that,  your  trunk.  Otherwise  the  last- 
mentioned  receptacle  is  the  place  for  clothes 
out  of  season,  carefully  laid  away  with  a 
full  complement  of  newspaper  and  cam 
phor. 

When  you  remove  your  shirt  at  night,  or 
when  you  change  for  dinner,  be  careful  to  take 
out  the  buttons  and  sleeve  links,  unless  you 
intend  to  wear  the  garment  again.  In  that 
case,  hang  it  up  in  your  closet. 

The  first  gift  which  a  bachelor  usually  re 
ceives  from  his  sister  or  his  sweetheart  is  a 
handkerchief  case,  and  I  hardly  need  advise 
you  to  purchase  what  is  a  standard  Christmas 
offering.  Keep  your  handkerchiefs  in  this, 
your  neatly  folded  ties  in  the  second  division 
of  the  drawer,  and  your  hose  in  the  third.  If 
you  should  have  a  silver  and  plush  pincushion 
with  a  movable  top,  your  small  articles  of  jew- 


28  ®l)e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

elry  go  in  its  interior,  or  in  a  small  box  in  the 
top  drawer. 

Silk  hats,  Derbies,  and  Alpines  or  soft-felt 
hats  should  never  be  brushed  with  a  whisk 
broom.  A  hatter  will  sell  you  for  a  small  sum 
a  soft  brush  with  a  pliable  plush  back,  which 
will  do  for  smoothing  your  silk  hat,  the  bristles 
to  be  applied  in  removing  the  dust.  A  silk 
handkerchief  will  also  smooth  a  silk  hat.  Fre 
quent  ironing  destroys  the  nap.  Straw  hats 
can  be  cleaned  by  first  rubbing  them  over  with 
the  half  of  a  lemon,  then  taking  an  old  nail 
brush  and  some  brown  soap  and  water  and 
giving  it  a  vigorous  brushing.  Then  you 
should  take  heavy  books  and  lay  them  on  the 
brim  of  the  hat.  An  old  pincushion  or  several 
towels  rolled  into  a  firm  ball,  or  a  book  which 
will  fit  exactly,  should  be  placed  inside  the 
crown.  Allow  the  hat  to  dry,  and  do  not  re 
move  the  weights  until  this  is  accomplished. 
You  will  find  your  straw  as  good  as  new  and 
the  shape  preserved.  The  writer  has  tried 
this  with  great  success. 

Boots  and  shoes  when  not  in  use  should  be 
put  on  wooden  trees  to  keep  them  in  shape. 
As  trees  are  rather  expensive,  one  can  use 
paper  and  stuff  it  inside  the  boot  or  shoe. 
This  will  not  prove  a  bad  substitute.  With 


®l}e  (tare  of  a  jBacl)cior1s  (Elotl)cs.     29 

patent  leathers,  paper  or  cotton  stuffed  in  the 
toes  prevents  the  leather  from  wrinkling,  and 
in  this  instance  the  very  cheap  material  is  better 
than  the  more  expensive  appliance.  Patent 
leathers  must  be  creamed  and  rubbed  with  a 
chamois  cloth  or  linen  or  flannel  rag  after  all 
mud  and  dust  have  first  been  removed.  This 
operation  should  be  repeated  daily.  Some 
men  maintain  that  patent  leathers  should  be 
varnished  as  soon  as  they  come  home  from  the 
bootmaker,  but  I  disagree  with  them.  A  var 
nished  patent  leather  has  always  a  cheap  look, 
and  the  coat  of  veneer  is  only  applied  as  a  last 
resort,  to  hide  the  cracks.  Russet  boots  and 
shoes  are  treated  daily  with  the  special  cream 
sold  for  them,  which  can  be  obtained  at  any 
bootmaker's  or  shoe  shop.  The  price  is  small, 
and  the  stuff  will  last  a  long  time.  Russet 
boots,  however,  can  be  very  well  treated  with 
a  little  vaseline,  but  that  product  will  not  give 
them  the  deep-brown  color  which  is  so  fash 
ionable.  The  soles  of  boots  and  shoes  should 
be  painted  black.  When  a  man  is  obliged  to 
kneel  in  any  ceremony,  the  sight  of  white  or 
yellow  gleaming  soles  is  absurd. 

In  wet  weather  it  is  absolutely  necessary  to 
turn  up  the  bottoms  of  your  trousers,  to  keep 
them  from  fraying. 


30  ®l)c  (Complete  Bachelor. 

I  would  suggest  a  general  overhauling  of 
clothes  about  once  a  month.  At  the  end  of 
each  season  the  heavy  or  light  garments  should 
receive  a  final  brushing  and  be  stored  away  in 
a  trunk,  chest,  or  spare  room  with,  as  I  have 
already  advised,  newspapers  between  them, 
and  some  camphor  or  moth  destroyer  as  an 
extra  precaution.  Overcoats,  which  are  in 
such  general  use,  may  be  hung  during  their 
season  of  service,  but  should  be  frequently 
brushed  and  well  shaken. 

The  economy  of  space  thus  observed  in 
the  arrangement  of  clothes  in  a  room  will 
make  it  an  easy  matter  when  about  to  travel 
to  pack  one's  wardrobe  in  a  trunk. 

A  shoe  bag  is  a  great  convenience.  A  sim 
ple  canvas  arrangement  can  be  purchased  very 
cheaply,  or  one  of  your  fair  friends  can  make 
you  one.  Your  shoes  should  be  placed  in  this 
and  put  at  the  bottom  of  the  trunk  in  a  corner. 
Otherwise  you  should  wrap  your  shoes  and 
boots  in  paper.  If  you  travel  with  two  trunks, 
one  should  be  reserved  for  your  outer  garments 
and  the  other  for  your  shirts  and  underclothes. 
With  one  trunk,  a  shirt  box  is  as  much  an  arti 
cle  to  be  desired  as  a  shoe  bag,  but  in  lieu  of 
this  the  shirts  should  be  placed  in  the  first  or 
top  tray,  the  underclothes  and  hose  in  the  sec- 


of  a  Sacl)clor10  <£loll}es.     31 


ond,  and  the  outer  garments  in  the  bottom.  A 
small  space  in  the  top  can  be  reserved  for  your 
ties  and  handkerchiefs.  Toilet  articles  are  car 
ried  in  a  hand  .  bag  ;  waterproofs,  overcoats, 
and  umbrellas  and  walking  sticks  in  a  shawl 
strap.  Your  silk  hat  has  but  one  place,  and 
that  is  in  a  hatbox.  You  can  put  a  Derby  in 
a  corner  of  a  trunk  but  a  silk  hat  would  be 
ruined. 

When  a  long  journey  is  taken,  it  is  economy 
in  the  end  to  purchase  an  extra  steamer  trunk 
for  your  underclothes  and  linen.  Trunks  are 
not  expensive,  and  you  will  find  that  by  not 
crowding  your  clothes  you  will  save  in  the 
long  run. 

Always  keep  in  your  room  a  small  bottle 
of  a  good  grease-remover  as  well  as  one  of 
ammonia,  some  soft  rags,  and  a  chamois  for 
general  cleaning  purposes.  An  expenditure  of 
a  little  over  a  quarter  of  a  dollar  will  provide 
you  with  these  necessaries. 

Never  lounge  around  your  room  in  your 
street  or  evening  dress.  If  you  are  to  stay 
awhile,  or  if  you  come  in  for  the  night,  take  off 
your  clothes  and  put  on  a  bath  robe  or  your  py 
jamas  if  you  do  not  possess  a  dressing  gown, 
which  is  not  a  necessity. 

At  your  office  you  should  always  have  an 


32  ®lie  (Complete  Bachelor. 

old  coat  to  wear,  and  if  it  be  summer  have  one 
of  linen.  To  sit  around  in  one's  shirt  sleeves, 
even  at  one's  place  of  business,  is  not  charac 
teristic  of  the  gentleman. 

THE  COST  OF  CLOTHES. 

Every  young  man  starting  in  life  and 
wishing  naturally  to  take  a  part  in  social  func 
tions  and  to  become  a  member  of  that  body 
indefinitely  known  as  society,  is  confronted 
with  the  problem  of  clothes.  A  few  years 
ago  the  ordinary  changes  of  morning,  after 
noon,  and  evening  were  all  that  were  requisite, 
but  to-day,  with  special  costumes  for  various 
sports  and  pastimes,  the  outlook  at  first  glance 
to  one  of  limited  income  is  not  encouraging. 
And  yet  a  man  with  a  modest  salary  can  dress 
very  well  on  two  to  three  hundred  dollars  a 
year,  and  even  less.  It  is  only  the  first  step 
which  costs.  One  must  have  a  foundation  or 
a  slight  capital  with  which  to  start.  After 
that  with  a  little  care  expenses  can  be  easily 
regulated. 

The  evening  suit  is  the  most  expensive 
essential  of  a  man's  wardrobe.  This  he  is 
obliged  to  have.  I  would  advise,  in  selecting 
a  suit  of  this  kind,  to  have  it  of  good  material 


(Hare  of  a  Bachelor's  (Clotl)cs.     33 


from  a  good  tailor,  after  a  model  not  too  pro 
nounced,  so  that  in  case  of  any  small  altera 
tion  in  the  fashions  it  can  survive  a  season  or 
two.  With  proper  care  your  evening  suit 
should  last  at  least  five  years.  During  the 
first  two  or  three  it  should  be  your  costume 
for  formal  occasions.  During  the  third  season 
you  might  possibly  have  another  pair  of  trou 
sers  made  or  renew  the  waistcoat  or  even  the 
coat.  When  you  find  yourself,  thus  by  the 
principles  of  the  doctrine  of  the  survival  of  the 
fittest,  the  possessor  of  two  evening  suits,  use 
the  old  one  for  theaters  and  small  dinners,  and 
the  best  for  the  formal  functions.  White  waist 
coats  are  very  smart  for  evening  wear,  and  an 
investment  in  one  or  two  of  these  during  the 
course  of  a  season  will  save  the  waistcoat  of 
the  evening  suit.  The  prices  of  evening  suits 
vary.  The  most  fashionable  Fifth  Avenue 
tailors  charge  as  much  as  one  hundred  and 
twenty-five  dollars  for  them.  Some  men  argue 
that  this  sum  insures  an  excellent  investment. 
However,  you  can  have  an  excellent  one  made 
by  a  good  tailor  for  an  outlay  of  about  forty 
dollars.  The  large  retail  clothing  shops  have 
a  custom  department,  and  that  is  their  figure 
for  an  evening  suit  made  to  order.  You  can 
even  have  one  for  twenty-five  dollars,  but  I 


34  ®be  Complete  Bachelor. 

would  not  spend  a  less  amount.  Superintend 
the  making  of  it  yourself.  Some  men  have 
adjustable  figures,  and  they  can  purchase  their 
clothes  from  the  block — that  is,  ready-made. 
The  only  fault  to  find  with  these  garments  is 
their  machinelike  cut.  The  pockets,  if  any,  the 
lines,  the  binding,  and  the  entire  get-up  look  as  if 
these  affairs  had  been  turned  out  by  the  dozen. 

White  waistcoats  for  evening  wear  are, 
however,  somewhat  in  the  nature  of  luxuries. 
They  are  difficult  to  have  laundered,  and  some 
very  smart  men  object  to  having  them  sent  to 
the  wash,  and  would  not  wear  one  after  it  has 
gone  through  that  process.  The  Fifth  Avenue 
tailor  will  charge  as  much  as  twenty  dollars 
for  a  white  duck  waistcoat  made  to  order.  It 
may  fit  you  perfectly,  but  yet  again  it  may  not 
look  a  whit  better  than  the  ready-made  which 
you  can  purchase  at  a  haberdasher's  for  from 
three  to  five  dollars. 

A  Tuxedo  or  dinner  coat,  as  explained  in 
another  chapter,  is  almost  a  necessity.  It  is 
really  a  saving.  If  you  can  not  afford  to  have 
an  entire  suit  of  this  kind  made  you  may 
simply  have  the  jacket,  which  will  cost  from 
twenty-five  to  forty  dollars,  and  wear  it  with 
the  trousers  and  waistcoat,  and  keep  it  to  be 
part  of  your  informal  evening  dress. 


®l)e  (Hare  of  a  JBacljeior's  (Jllotlies.     35 

I  have  known  men  to  have  their  black 
sack  coats  or  old  black  diagonal  cutaways  or 
old  evening  coat  changed  into  a  Tuxedo  by 
the  cutting  off  of  tails,  the  substitution  of  a  silk 
collar,  or  some  other  alteration.  A  sack  coat  is 
easily  arranged,  and  any  little  tailor  around  the 
corner  will  make  the  metamorphosis  for  three 
dollars.  Suppose  you  have  had  one  of  your 
old  coats  transformed  into  a  Tuxedo.  You 
can  purchase,  if  you  do  not  wish  to  have 
made,  a  pair  of  black  trousers  of  the  same  ma 
terial  for  a  very  few  dollars,  and  an  old  black 
waistcoat,  which  went  with  the  original  coat, 
can  also  be  altered.  Remember  that  a  Tuxedo 
dinner  coat  has  not  to  be  of  a  certain  material. 
It  must  be  black  and  have  a  silk  collar.  It  is 
really  neglige. 

You  should  start  with  a  capital  of  at  least 
six  evening  shirts.  If  you  are  a  wealthy  man 
these  will  cost  possibly,  made  to  order,  as  high 
as  fifty-six  dollars,  but  you  can  also  have  ex 
cellent  ones  for  nine  dollars.  It  is  considered 
smart  to  have  the  collars  attached,  but  not 
necessary.  The  cuffs,  however,  should  be  al 
ways  a  part  of  the  shirt. 

White  ties  are  twenty-five  to  thirty-five 
cents  a  piece.  Always  state  the  number  of 
collar  you  wear  when  purchasing  evening  ties, 


36  ®l)c  QTomplctc  Bachelor. 

and  you  will  never  have  cause  to  complain  of 
the  length. 

Black  patent-leather  pumps,  made  to  order, 
are  from  eight  to  nine  dollars.  You  can  get 
them  much  cheaper  ready  made,  but  the  only 
trouble  with  them  is  that  they  are  not  usually 
good  fits,  and  that  in  future  years  you  will 
have  cause  to  regret  this  economy.  Of  black 
silk  stockings,  of  which  you  will  need  two  or 
three  pair,  you  can  have  a  choice  from  a  dollar 
and  a  half  to  six  dollars  a  pair. 

I  would  advise  the  purchase  of  two  busi 
ness  or  lounge  suits  a  year  for  the  first  three 
years.  In  making  this  estimate  1  can  hardly 
suppose  that  you  are  in  the  state  of  Adam,  and 
I  would  advise  you  to  wear  your  old  suit  in 
winter  especially,  and  on  rainy  and  stormy 
days.  Your  overcoat  will  conceal  it  in  the 
street,  and  at  the  office  the  older  the  clothes 
the  better.  The  pivotal  points  of  a  man  are 
his  hat,  boots,  and  tie.  Have  these  perfectly 
correct,  and  the  rest  will  take  care  of  itself. 

For  winter  buy  a  thick,  useful  cloth,  such 
as  Scotch  homespun  or  rough  cheviot  or  tweed. 
Brown  and  gray  mixtures  are  always  fashion 
able  and  wear  well. 

In  summer  a  light-gray  check  or  a  blue 
cheviot  or  flannel  are  always  smart. 


®l)e  (tare  of  a  Bachelor's  Clothes.     37 

Thus  making  an  old  suit  of  the  year  before 
alternate  with  the  new  one,  you  will  find  that 
eighty  dollars  will  be  sufficient  to  help  you  be 
a  well-groomed  man. 

A  half  dozen  colored  shirts  for  morning 
wear  are  necessary,  with  attached  cuffs  but  de 
tached  collars.  Every  now  and  then  I  would 
invest  a  few  dollars  in  shirts,  and  before  you 
know  it  you  will  have  a  large  supply.  As 
dress  shirts  grow  old  send  them  to  be  repaired 
at  any  of  the  many  places  which  you  will  find 
advertised,  and  use  them  for  morning  shirts. 

Six  changes  of  underwear — merino  or  wool 
—and  a  dozen  balbriggan  or  woolen  hose  will 
be  sufficient.  Summer  underwear  is  very 
cheap,  and  you  can  get  a  light  merino  suit 
for  one  dollar.  A  four-dollar  investment  will 
last  several  seasons.  Good  winter  underwear 
is  expensive,  costing  four  or  five  dollars  a  suit. 

Pyjamas  of  Madras  or  pongee  silk,  very 
effective  and  pretty,  can  be  had  for  a  dollar  and 
a  half  to  three  dollars  a  suit.  Four  suits  of  these 
—two  for  summer  and  two  for  winter — will 
last  at  least  two  years. 

A  man  must  have,  besides  his  dancing 
pumps,  a  pair  of  patent-leather  walking  boots 
and  a  pair  of  stout  common  boots  for  every 
day  wear.  If  you  can  afford  it,  have  two  pair 


(Complete  Sacljelor. 


of  boots  made  at  the  same  time,  or  even  more. 
An  investment  of  fifty  dollars  in  boots,  at  say 
eight  dollars  a  pair,  would  be  excellent.  You 
can  change  daily,  and  they  will  last  you  over  a 
period  of  two  or  three  or  more  years. 

The  afternoon  suit  is  more  or  less  a  luxury. 
Unless  you  frequent  afternoon  teas  or  make 
many  afternoon  calls,  or  act  as  an  usher  at  wed 
dings  in  any  city  but  New  York,  the  frock  coat 
is  not,  for  the  first  three  or  four  years  of  your 
career,  an  absolute  necessity.  In  New  York, 
however,  where  calls  are  only  made  in  the 
afternoon,  it  must  form  a  part  of  your  ward 
robe. 

A  frock  coat  can  be  made  for  forty  or  fifty 
dollars;  seventy-five  to  one  hundred  dollars  is 
charged  by  the  most  expensive  tailors.  When 
you  order  it,  see  that  it  is  not  in  the  extreme 
of  fashion.  The  conservative  garment  will  last 
a  number  of  years.  The  material,  as  I  have  al 
ready  suggested  in  another  chapter,  must  be  of 
rough  worsted,  vicuna,  or  material  of  that  kind, 
and  never  of  broadcloth. 

With  it  you  must  have  a  pair  of  "fancy" 
or  cashmere  trousers.  These  will  cost  from 
eight  to  fifteen  dollars,  and  they  will  last  you 
several  years.  In  fact,  the  purchasing  of  the 
afternoon  suit  in  one  way  is  excellent:  it  does 


®l)e  dare  of  a  Bachelor's  <£Iotl)es.     39 

not  have  to  be  renewed  as  often  as  other  parts 
of  your  wardrobe.  It  stays  practically  in  fash 
ion,  with  little  deviation,  for  almost  a  decade. 

The  silk  hat,  which  is  necessary  for  the 
afternoon  suit,  is  one  of  the  most  expensive 
items  of  a  man's  wardrobe.  A  top  hat  must 
be  of  the  prevailing  mode.  Autumn  is  the 
best  time  for  purchasing,  as  you  can  dispense 
with  it  after  May,  except  on  very  special  occa 
sions.  Two  Derbies — one  for  autumn  and  the 
other  for  spring — at  from  two  to  four  dollars, 
or  only  one,  for  that  matter,  to  last  through 
the  entire  eight  months,  and  a  straw  hat,  from 
two  to  four  dollars,  will  be  the  entire  amount 
expended  for  headgear  by  the  very  best-dressed 
men.  For  a  Derby  you  can  substitute  an  Al 
pine  or  Hombourg.  The  opera  crush  hat  is  a 
luxury,  and  you  can  wear  with  your  evening 
suit  your  top  hat  of  the  year  before,  which  you 
can  christen  your  "night  hawk." 

Shirt  buttons  and  sleeve  links  are  also  an 
expensive  item.  However,  the  purchase  of 
these  occurs  but  once  in  a  lifetime,  and  fifteen 
dollars  would  do  beautifully  for  enamel  or  plain 
gold. 

Ties  vary  in  price,  and  it  is  difficult  to  limit 
a  man  on  this  expenditure.  Many  invest  in 
them  as  a  fad,  picking  them  up  here  and  there, 


40  ®l)e  Qlomjjlete  Bachelor. 

and  thus  accumulating  a  large  assortment.  A 
little  judgment  in  purchasing  will  allow  you  to 
acquire  quite  a  large  wardrobe.  If  you  give 
your  personal  supervision  to  the  making  of 
your  clothes  you  can  employ  a  cheap  tailor 
who  will  turn  out  very  good  work.  For  fash 
ion  plates,  I  do  not  know  of  any  better  than 
Du  Maurier's  pictures  of  smart  London  men  in 
the  London  Punch.  Watch  the  sales  in  the 
autumn  and  the  late  spring  for  bargains  in 
haberdashery.  Study  well  the  advice  given 
in  the  chapter  on  the  Care  of  Clothes  in  this 
book,  and  you  will  find  therein  that  which 
will  certainly  teach  you  economy. 


^ 


CHAPTER   V. 

INTRODUCTIONS,    INVITATIONS,    AND    CALLS. 

FORMAL  introductions  are  not  in  vogue  in 
this  country.  The  nearest  approach  to  it  is 
when  one  is  desirous  of  introducing  a  stranger 
or  one  of  his  particular  friends  to  another. 
When  you  desire  to  present  a  man  to  a  woman 
you  must  ask  her  if  you  may  bring  Mr.  -  -  to 
her  house.  In  New  York  the  customary  time 
for  such  visits  is  in  the  afternoon,  between  four 
and  six.  In  introducing  men  to  one  another 
it  is  unnecessary  to  make  a  formal  appointment. 
In  presenting  a  man  to  a  woman  her  permis 
sion  must  first  be  asked.  The  formula  is, 
"  Mrs.  C ,  may  I  present  Mr.  D ?  "  In 
formal  introductions  may  be  made  between 
people  visiting  in  the  same  house  by  simply 

saying,    "Mrs.    D ,    may    I    present    Mr. 

B ?"  or  "Mr.   F ,  do  you  know  Mr. 

C ?"     These  informal  introductions  need 

4  41 


42 


not  be  recognized  afterward  unless  mutually 
agreeable. 

Introductions  are  never  made  in  the  street 
or  in  public  places  of  any  kind,  or  in  public 
conveyances,  unless  under  exceptional  circum 
stances.  It  is  extremely  bad  form  to  introduce 
a  guest  on  his  entrance  into  a  room  to  more 
than  one  other.  Wholesale  introductions  are 
not  the  custom  in  New  York.  General  intro 
ductions  are  not  made  at  a  dinner  or  at  any 
function.  People  are  sufficiently  well  bred  to 
engage  in  general  conversation  when  in  the 
houses  of  their  friends,  even  if  they  do  not 
know  each  other,  and  not  to  take  advantage  of 
the  circumstances  afterward. 

At  any  function  at  which  the  guests  are 
told  off,  the  host  or  hostess  only  presents  the 
man  to  the  woman  whom  he  is  to  take  down. 
A  man  never  shakes  hands  upon  being  pre 
sented  to  a  woman,  but  always  on  being  in 
troduced  to  a  man.  A  man  should  never  shake 
hands  with  a  woman  while  wearing  his  gloves 
unless  she  also  is  gloved.  Your  hostess  will 
give  her  hand  to  you  when  you  make  your 
obeisance.  After  being  presented,  an  invita 
tion  is  apt  to  follow.  It  may  be,  "Drop  in 
to  tea  any  afternoon,"  or  simply,  "I  would 
be  glad  to  have  you  call."  This  invitation 


Introbuclion0,  Jmrilalions,  an&  (JIalls.  43 


should  always  come  from  a  married  woman. 
Unmarried  women  do  not  ask  young  men  to 
call.  A  man  may  ask  the  privilege  of  calling, 
or  the  mother  of  the  young  woman  may  say, 
"  We  should  be  pleased  to  have  you  call,  Mr. 
Smith." 

In  New  York  and  in  many  of  the  larger 
cities,  as  has  already  been  stated,  the  proper 
time  for  a  man  to  call  on  a  woman  is  between 
the  hours  of  four  and  six  in  the  afternoon. 
Sometimes  women  have  "  days  "  in  the  season, 
and  you  should  pay  your  call  on  one  of  them. 
Otherwise  any  afternoon  may  do,  and  you  can 
use  Sunday  for  this  purpose  after  three  o'clock. 

Afternoon  dress  is,  of  course,  requisite.  In 
those  places  where  evening  calls  are  made  a 
man  must  wear  formal  evening  dress. 

On  the  opening  of  the  door  by  the  servant, 
a  man  asks  of  him  whether  the  hostess  or  "the 
ladies  "  are  at  home.  This  will  depend  on  the 
number  of  the  members  of  the  family  receiving. 
He  gives  to  the  domestic  the  proper  number  of 
cards.  The  servant  precedes  him,  opens  the 
drawing-room  door  for  him,  and  in  some  ultra 
English  houses  he  is  announced.  His  card  or 
cards  have  been  deposited  on  the  silver  tray 
which  the  servant  has  presented  to  him  in  the 
hall  and  left  there.  A  visiting  card  is  never 


44  ®tye  Complete  Bachelor. 

brought  into  the  drawing  room.  A  man  on 
a  first  or  a  formal  call  carries  his  stick  and 
hat  into  the  drawing  room  with  him.  To 
"hang  his  hat"  in  the  hall  shows  great  in 
timacy — even  relationship — in  the  house.  He, 
however,  should  leave  there  his  overcoat  and 
his  rubbers  and  umbrella.  His  hostess  will 
advance  to  meet  him,  and  will  extend  to 
him  her  right  hand  with  a  somewhat  stiff 
angular  motion,  and  he  should  shake  it  with 
a  quick  nervous  movement  of  his  right.  He 
should  neither  grasp  nor  squeeze  her  hand, 
nor  should  he  attempt  that  absurd  so-called 
British  shake  in  the  air,  which  is  never  prac 
ticed  except  by  player  folk.  A  man  removes  his 
glove  from  his  right  hand  on  entering  the  draw 
ing  room,  and  holds  this  with  his  stick  and  hat 
in  his  left.  The  hat  should  be  at  an  angle,  the 
top  about  level  with  his  nose.  At  weddings, 
the  opera,  and  dances,  where  a  woman  is 
gloved,  a  man,  if  it  is  required  to  shake  hands, 
does  not  remove  his  gloves.  On  ordinary  oc 
casions  a  woman  is  seldom  gloved  in  her  own 
drawing  room,  and  if  she  is,  handshaking  is 
not  usually  expected.  Should  the  hostess  be 
gloved,  as  at  a  large  affair,  such  as  a  formal  or 
wedding  reception,  a  man  shakes  hands  with 
her  with  them  on. 


3ntr0bncti0tts,  ^mutations,  anb  (Calls.  45 

Tea  is  generally  served  in  the  afternoon  on 
a  tray  with  wafers,  little  cakes,  and  sometimes 
sandwiches.  If  you  take  a  sandwich  or  a  cup 
of  tea,  a  doylie  will  be  given  you,  which  place 
upon  your  knee.  When  another  caller  enters 
the  room  stand  up,  whether  it  is  a  woman  or 
a  man.  Ten  minutes  is  all  that  is  necessary 
for  a  formal  call.  It  is  less  awkward  to  leave 
when  a  new  caller  is  announced.  Shake  hands 
with  your  hostess  and  bow  to  the  people  pres 
ent.  Leave  the  room  sideways,  so  as  not  to 
turn  your  back  upon  the  company,  and  bow 
to  them  as  you  reach  the  door,  thus  bowing 
yourself  out.  Remember,  do  not  be  a  lingerer 
or  a  sitter.  No  men  are  more  dreaded  in  society 
than  these  wretched  bores.  The  first  arrivals 
leave  first.  Freezing  out  is  not  known  in  good 
society. 

Calls  should  be  made  after  every  civility 
extended  and  every  invitation  accepted  or  re 
gretted;  after  weddings,  wedding  receptions, 
deaths  in  families,  etc.,  as  fully  explained  in 
the  chapter  on  card-leaving. 

A  letter  of  introduction  is  always  sent, 
never  left  in  person.  Calls  at  the  theater  or  in 
opera  boxes  are  mere  social  amenities,  and  are 
not  accepted  as  formal.  A  man  enters  an  opera 
box,  stands,  and  bows.  His  hostess  will  turn 


46  ®l)c  (Eomplclc  Bachelor. 

around  and  greet  him.  He  will  then,  if  there 
is  a  vacant  chair,  take  one,  and  sit  and  talk  a 
little  while,  leaving  on  the  arrival  of  another 
caller.  These  rules  for  afternoon  calls  can  be 
applied  also  to  those  made  in  the  evening. 

If  no  day  is  set  for  a  first  call,  a  man  is  ex 
pected  to  drop  in  any  afternoon  within  ten 
days  after  the  invitation.  The  sooner  a  call  is 
made  the  greater  the  compliment.  A  second 
call  may  be  made  within  two  or  three  months; 
after  that  once  or  twice  a  year,  as  intimacy 
permits.  A  man  is  never  asked  to  dinner  or 
to  any  function  at  a  house  at  which  he  has  not 
first  called.  The  usual  form  of  a  dinner  invi 
tation,  the  hostess  being  married,  reads : 

My  dear  Mr.  Smith : 

Will  you  dine  isoith  us,  most  informally, 
on  Wednesday,  December  the  ninth,  at  eight 
o'clock  ?  Hoping  that  you  have  no  engagement 
for  that  evening,  believe  me, 

Yours  very  sincerely, 

Alice  de  Tompkins. 
November  thirtieth. 

An  answer  to  an  invitation  like  this,  which 
should  be  sent  within  twenty-four  hours, 
reads : 


3ntrobuctions,  ^mutations,  anb  (Halls.  47 

My  dear  Mrs.  de  Tompkins  : 

It  -will  give  me  great  pleasure  to  dine  with 
you  on  Wednesday  evening,  December  the 
ninth,  tit  eight  o'clock.  With  many  thanks 
for  your  kind  thought  of  me, 

Yours  very  sincerely, 

Algernon  Smith. 
December  first. 

Or,  in  the  case  of  a  formal  dinner  consist 
ing  of  more  than  ten  or  twelve  guests: 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  de  Tompkins 
request  the  pleasure  of 

Mr.  Smith's 

company  at  dinner  on 

Wednesday  evening,  December 

the  ninth,  at  eight  o'clock. 

The  answer  reads: 

Mr.  Algernon  Smith,  Jr., 

accepts  -with  pleasure 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  de  Tompkins' s 

kind  invitation  for 
Wednesday  evening,  December  the  ninth, 

at  eight  o'clock. 
December  first. 

Answers  to  formal  luncheon  invitations  are 
written  in  the  same  manner,  only  changing  the 
hours,  etc. 


48  ®l)c  Complete  Sacl)el0r. 

Informal  invitations  to  breakfasts  and  lunch 
eons  will  be  treated  in  the  chapter  on  that  sub 
ject. 

The  form  of  an  invitation  to  a  private 
dance  is: 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  de  Tompkins  request  the 
pleasure  of  Mr.  Algernon  Smith's  company 
on  Friday  evening,  January  the  ninth,  at 
nine  o'clock. 

R.  S.  K  P.  Dancing. 

The  answer  to  this  would  be  similarly 
worded  as  in  case  of  the  formal  dinner.  As 
dance  invitations  are  usually  sent  out  three 
weeks  in  advance,  three  days'  grace  is  allowed 
for  the  answer. 

When  an  invitation  is  received  to  a  sub 
scription  ball,  like  the  assemblies  in  various 
cities,  you  should  acknowledge  it,  by  your 
acceptance  or  regret,  to  the  subscriber  send 
ing  it;  but  when  an  invitation  is  received  from 
a  ball  committee,  you  should  accept  as  follows: 

Mr.  James  de  Courcy  Peterson  accepts  with 
'pleasure  the  committee's  kind  invitation  for 
Thursday  evening,  February  the  fifteenth. 

January  second. 


CHAPTER   VI. 

CARDS. 

THERE  is  only  one  visiting  card  in  vogue  for 
a  man.  It  must  be  of  plain  white  bristol  board, 
unglazed,  about  three  or  four  inches  in  length 
and  about  two  inches  in  width.  The  name 
should  be  engraved,  not  printed,  in  the  middle 
of  the  card,  in  small  copperplate  type,  without 
ornamentation  of  any  kind.  The  prefix  "Mr." 
is  always  used  unless  the  person  is  a  physician, 
in  which  case  he  can  place  "Dr."  before  his 
name,  or  a  clergyman,  when  he  may  use  the 
"Rev.  Mr."  or  the  "Rev.  Dr.,"  according  to 
his  rank.  Army  and  navy  men,  ranking  as  cap 
tain  or  above,  should  put  their  rank  on  their 
cards.  "Mr."  is  the  prefix  for  subalterns. 
The  address  is  placed  underneath  the  name  in 
smaller  type  and  in  the  right-hand  corner.  If 
an  address,  however,  is  that  of  a  man's  club,  it 
should  be  engraved  on  the  left  hand.  A  man's 
card  should  also  contain  his  Christian  as  well 

49 


50  QL\]C  (Complete 


as  his  surname.  If  he  possesses  two  Christian 
names,  or  any  distinctive  family  name,  that 
should  also  be  given,  so  that  his  appellation 
is  shown  in  full.  For  instance,  "  Mr.  John 
William  Jones,"  "Mr.  James  Brown  Smith," 
"Mr.  Hamilton  Hamilton-Stuyvesant."  Visit 
ing  cards  should  be  kept  in  a  small  case  of  seal 
skin  or  black  or  Russia  leather  and  carried  in 
the  inside  pocket  of  a  frock  coat,  or  if  small 
enough  more  conveniently  in  the  waistcoat 
pocket.  Card  cases  should  be  stamped  with 
initials  or  have  a  silver  monogram.  Visiting 
cards  should  never  be  carried  loose  in  the 
pocket.  A  card  is  left  in  person  the  day  after 
a  dinner,  luncheon,  or  breakfast,  or  within  a 
week  at  latest  after  a  ball.  Civility  must  be 
returned  by  civility,  and  cards  must  be  left  on 
every  occasion  on  which  a  call  is  necessary. 
Cards  should  not  be  sent  by  mail,  unless  when 
about  to  leave  the  country,  or  under  circum 
stances  where  it  is  impossible  to  make  a  per 
sonal  call.  On  leaving  the  country  you  should 
write  the  initials  P.  P.  C.  (pour  prendre 
conge)  in  the  right-hand  corner.  In  New 
York  many  men  send  cards  by  mail,  offering 
the  excuse  that  the  city  is  too  large  to  get 
about  to  make  personal  calls.  This  is  only  a 
flimsy  pretext,  and  should  have  no  weight. 


Ccirbs.  51 

The  question  of  how  many  cards  to  leave 
is  one  which  seems  to  bewilder  most  people. 
The  general  rule  is  a  card  to  each  person. 
This  will  have  to  be  explained.  When  you 
call  on  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Smith  you  must  leave  a 
card  for  each — two  cards.  When  you  call  on 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Smith  and  the  Misses  Smith, 
three  cards,  the  young  ladies  counting  as  a 
unit.  For  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Smith,  the  Misses 
Smith,  and  their  married  daughter  Mrs.  Jones 
staying  with  them,  four  cards — Mrs.  Jones  be 
ing  entitled  to  the  fourth.  If  Mr.  Jones  is  also 
stopping  at  the  Smiths  leave  an  extra  card  for 
him.  For  Mrs.  Smith  (widow)  and  the  Misses 
Smith,  two  cards.  For  Mr.  Smith  (widower) 
and  the  Misses  Smith,  two  cards. 

In  mailing  cards,  address  them  on  the  en 
velope  "Mrs.  Smith,  the  Misses  Smith,"  or 
''Mr.  and  Mrs.  John  Brown-Smith";  "The 
Misses  Brown-Smith,"  the  one  under  the  other. 
Never  write  on  your  cards  "  For  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
John  Brown-Smith."  It  is  bad  form.  Never 
leave  cards  for  people  who  have  not  asked  you 
to  call.  When  friends  from  another  city,  who 
have  entertained  you  or  who  have  been  polite 
to  you,  should  arrive  in  your  own  city,  you 
should  immediately  call  and  leave  cards  for 
them.  In  that  case,  should  you  even  not  be 


52  ®l)c  Complete  Bachelor. 

acquainted  with  their  host  and  hostess,  it 
would  be  civil  to  leave  cards  also  for  them. 

After  a  wedding,  if  invited  to  the  reception, 
you  must  personally  leave  cards  at  the  house 
where  the  reception  has  been  given  for  your 
host  and  hostess,  and  also  for  the  young  couple 
when  they  return  from  their  bridal  trip.  Two 
cards  at  each  place  will  be  sufficient  in  this 
case.  When  invited  to  the  church  only,  leave 
or  send  cards  to  the  bride's  parents  and  the 
young  couple.  As  the  card  to  the  church  only, 
is  rather  an  equivocal  compliment,  mailing 
cards  in  this  case  could  be  excused.  Leave 
personally  cards  for  the  patroness  who  has 
asked  you  to  a  subscription  ball,  within  a 
week  after  the  invitation.  In  cases  of  death, 
leave  cards  within  a  fortnight.  In  answer  to 
letters  of  condolence,  it  is  best  to  send  your 
cards  with  the  words  "Thank  you  for  your 
kind  sympathy  "  written  thereon.  For  mourn 
ing,  use  the  same  size  or  style  of  card,  but 
with  a  narrow  or  deep  border  as  befits  the 
nearness  of  degree  of  relationship  with  the  de 
ceased.  The  deepest  border  permissible  is 
about  a  quarter  of  an  inch. 

It  is  bad  form  to  bend  cards  or  to  turn 
down  the  corners  thereof.  These  signs  mean 
nothing  now  in  good  society.  In  calling — it 


Cctr&s.  53 

may  be  repeated  here — you  ask,  if  there  are 
more  than  one  of  the  fair  sex  in  the  house,  for 
"the  ladies,"  and  hand  the  servant  the  num 
ber  of  cards  necessary.  He  takes  them  on  a 
silver  salver  and  leaves  them  in  the  hall,  goes 
before  you,  and  announces  you.  Your  card  is 
never  taken  to  the  lady  of  the  house,  unless  it 
is  a  business  call. 


CHAPTER   VII. 

THE   DINER-OUT. 

WHEN  I  speak  of  the  "diner-out,"  I  include 
under  this  title  the  bachelor  guest  not  only  at 
dinners,  but  also  at  luncheons  and  at  suppers. 
The  formal  breakfast  is  a  festivity  of  the  past, 
and  the  first  meal  in  a  household  is  purely  a 
family  affair.  However,  luncheons  on  Sunday 
at  one  or  two  o'clock  are  in  New  York  fre 
quently  called  breakfasts,  because  I  believe 
many  fashionable  people  do  not  want  the  im 
pression  to  go  abroad  that  even  once  a  week 
they  dine  in  the  middle  of  the  day.  The  lunch 
eon  after  a  day  wedding  ceremony  is  also  called 
a  breakfast,  but  this,  like  the  Sunday  meal,  is 
simply  a  title  by  courtesy. 

Luncheons,  where  men  are  guests,  are 
popular  entertainments  at  all  the  large  summer 
resorts,  such  as  Newport,  Long  Branch,  Bar 
Harbor,  as  well  as  at  the  more  celebrated  of 
the  Western  and  Pacific  watering  places  and 

54 


CDiner-CDttt.  55 


the  winter  cities  of  the  South.  In  New  York 
and  other  great  centers,  where  there  exists  a 
number  of  gentlemen  of  leisure,  these  enter 
tainments  are  greatly  in  vogue,  and  in  Wash 
ington  they  sometimes  assume  the  color  of 
diplomatic  functions. 

The  hour  for  a  luncheon  is  half  past  one 
o'clock,  and  sometimes  it  is  advanced  to  two. 
All  guests  are  expected  to  be  punctual  to  the 
minute  and  to  take  advantage  even  of  the  quar 
ter  of  an  hour  latitude  is  bad  form.  Better  a 
little  too  early  than  too  late.  However,  do  not 
make  yourself  ridiculous  by  appearing  on  the 
scene  too  soon.  Bear  in  mind  that  the  reputa 
tion  of  being  the  "late  Mr.  Smith"  is  not 
enviable.  A  tardy  guest  only  accentuates  his 
own  insignificance.  This  rule  applies  to  din 
ners  and  suppers  and  to  all  entertainments 
where  you  are  a  guest,  with  only  one  excep 
tion  —  dances,  where  you  have  an  hour's  grace. 

Luncheons,  as  a  rule,  are  informal  affairs. 
Men  have  attended  them  in  lounge  suits,  but 
it  is  more  courteous  to  your  hostess  to  appear 
in  afternoon  dress.  Overcoats,  hats,  and  sticks 
are  left  in  the  hall.  Your  gloves  are  removed 
in  the  drawing  room.  When  luncheon  is  an 
nounced,  unless  it  is  a  very  formal  affair,  your 
hostess  leads  the  way  to  the  dining  room,  and 


56  9Tl)c  Complete  Bachelor. 

she  is  followed  by  her  guests,  women  and 
men,  not  in  procession.  The  men,  of  course, 
must  allow  the  fairer  sex  to  pass  before  them 
through  the  drawing-room  door  and  into  the 
dining  room.  Luncheon  menus  consist  of  oys 
ters,  clams,  or  grape  fruit  with  crushed  ice  and 
saturated  with  maraschino  for  the  first  course. 
This  is  followed  by  bouillon,  an  entree,  a  roast 
or  chops  with  peas,  or  broiled  chicken,  salad 
with  birds,  ices  and  fruits,  coffee  and  liqueurs. 
Sherry  and  claret  are  the  wines,  and  sometimes 
champagne  is  served. 

A  luncheon  lasts  three  hours  at  most,  and 
the  men  are  left  to  smoke  at  dessert.  How 
ever,  sometimes  this  formality  is  waived. 

Dinner  invitations  are  sent  out  at  least  a 
fortnight  in  advance.  In  the  New  York  season 
sometimes  they  are  issued  a  full  month  before 
the  event.  They  must,  under  all  circumstances, 
be  answered  within  twenty-four  hours,  and 
cards  left  on  your  prospective  host  and  hostess 
within  a  week. 

The  fashionable  hours  for  dining  are  be 
tween  half  past  seven  and  eight  o'clock.  Din 
ners  being  formal  evening  functions,  formal 
evening  dress  is  essential. 

Except  at  very  small  houses  and  apart 
ments,  two  rooms  are  reserved — one  for  the 


Sitter-  ©nt.  57 


men  and  the  other  for  the  ladies  —  as  dressing 
rooms.  Your  hat,  coat,  and  outdoor  attire  are 
removed,  and  a  servant  will  assist  you  in 
arranging  your  toilet.  A  nefarious  practice  of 
feeing  these  attendants,  even  at  private  houses, 
has  been  some  what  in  vogue  in  a  very  "  smart" 
and  wealthy  set  in  New  York.  It  is  not  good 
form,  and  I  would  advise  you  against  it. 

The  servant  who  announces  you,  hands  you 
a  small  envelope  on  which  is  written  your 
name.  This  incloses  a  card  on  which  is  the 
name  of  the  lady  whom  you  are  to  take  in 
to  dinner.  After  exchanging  greetings  with 
your  hostess  and  removing  your  gloves,  you 
should  endeavor  to  find  your  partner  and  en 
gage  in  some  preliminary  conversation.  Should 
you  not  have  been  presented  to  her,  inform  your 
hostess  of  this  fact,  and  you  will  be  at  once  in 
troduced.  Dinner  is  announced  by  the  butler 
entering  the  drawing  room  and  saying,  "Din 
ner  is  served."  The  host  leads  the  way  with 
the  woman  guest  of  honor,  and  you  are  as 
signed  your  place  in  the  procession  by  the 
hostess,  who  comes  last  with  the  man  guest 
of  honor.  Each  man  offers  his  right  arm  to 
his  fair  partner.  In  the  dining  room,  cards  are 
placed  at  each  cover  with  the  names  of  the 
guests  inscribed  thereon.  Even  should  there 
5 


58  &l)c  Complete  Bachelor. 

be  a  retinue  of  servants,  pull  back  the  chair  of 
your  partner  and  assist  her  to  seat  herself.  In 
some  old-fashioned  houses  grace  is  said,  and 
it  is  always  the  rule  when  a  clergyman  is  one 
of  the  guests.  This  blessing  is  asked  after  the 
company  is  seated. 

During  dinner  you  must  devote  yourself  to 
the  comfort  and  entertainment  of  the  woman 
whom  you  have  taken  in.  She  must  be  your 
first  care,  although  there  may  be  some  one  on 
your  other  side,  or  opposite,  who  is  more  con 
genial  to  you.  Talking  across  the  table  is 
very  bad  form.  Let  your  conversation  be 
pleasant  and  general,  but  avoid  politics,  reli 
gion,  and  personal  criticisms. 

There  is  no  form  for  refusing  wine,  if  it  is 
against  your  scruples  to  drink  it.  Do  not  thus 
force  your  personal  prejudices  on  your  host  by 
making  any  demonstration,  such  as  putting 
your  finger  over  the  glass  or  shaking  your 
head  at  the  butler.  Let  him  fill  your  glasses, 
but  do  not  drink  the  contents.  The  question 
of  waste  is  not  to  be  considered;  and  if  you 
are  a  man  with  firm  principles  regarding  total 
abstinence,  in  your  heart  you  should  rejoice 
that  at  least  a  quota  of  the  fluid  will  do  no 
harm. 

The  hostess  gives  the  signal  at  dessert  for 


®lje  Dittcr-CDut.  59 

the  ladies  to  retire  to  the  drawing  room. 
Everybody  rises,  and  the  ladies  leave  the 
table  in  solemn  procession,  the  man  nearest 
the  door  opening  it  for  them.  A  prettier  cus 
tom,  and  one  much  in  vogue  in  New  York,  is 
the  escorting  of  the  ladies  by  the  men  to  the 
drawing  room,  the  host  leading  the  way. 
When  the  drawing-room  door  is  reached  the 
men  bow  and  retire  again  to  the  dining  room, 
where  coffee,  liqueurs,  and  cigars  are  served. 
At  the  end  of  a  half  hour  they  return  to  the 
drawing  room.  Another  half  hour  of  conver 
sation,  during  which  sometimes  there  is  dan 
cing,  and  the  guests  make  their  adieus  to  their 
hostess  and  host  and  leave.  On  bidding  good 
night,  always  assure  your  hostess  of  the  pleas 
ant  evening  which  you  have  enjoyed. 

Progressive  dinners  are  sometimes  given, 
although  now  almost  obsolete.  Small  tables 
are  arranged  for  these  with  parties  of  four  or 
six  at  each  table.  The  guests  change  places 
at  each  course,  the  signal  for  this  being  given 
by  the  hostess  ringing  a  bell.  The  ladies  re 
main  in  their  seats.  As  there  will  not  be  a 
fresh  napkin  provided  at  each  course,  a  man 
brings  his  with  him  from  his  first  table. 

Public  dinners,  except  when  given  by  cer 
tain  church,  debating,  or  literary  societies,  are 


60  (JTl)e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

stag  affairs.  The  guests  assemble  at  the  res 
taurant,  hotel,  or  hall  where  the  banquet  is  to 
be  held,  and  deposit  their  hats,  coats,  and 
walking  paraphernalia  in  the  cloakroom.  A 
ticket  is  given  with  the  number  of  your  rack 
upon  it,  and  a  small  fee — usually  twenty-five 
cents — is  expected.  The  guests  assemble  in 
one  of  the  smaller  drawing  rooms,  and  each 
one  is  handed  a  plan  of  the  tables  with  the 
location  of  his  cover  designated  by  his  name 
upon  it.  A  procession  is  formed,  the  guests 
of  honor  and  reception  committee  leading,  to 
the  banquet  hall.  After  dessert,  speeches  are 
in  order. 

Dinner  dances  are  a  form  of  entertainment 
where  dinner  is  followed  by  a  dance,  other 
guests  coming  in  from  other  dinner  parties  and 
meeting  at  one  house  which  has  been  agreed 
upon  as  the  place  where  the  dance  is  to  take 
place.  A  short  time  after  dinner,  at  each  of 
the  other  houses,  the  guests  are  conveyed 
thereform  in  carriages,  or,  better  yet,  in 
stages,  to  the  general  rendezvous.  Calls  are 
due  within  the  week  at  the  house  where  you 
have  dined  as  well  as  at  the  one  at  which  you 
have  danced. 

Supper  etiquette  differs  but  little  from  that 
observed  at  dinners.  The  occasion  is  a  bit 


61 


more  informal  and  the  menu  not  so  elaborate. 
The  etiquette  of  ball  suppers  is  treated  in  the 
chapter  on  The  Dance,  and  suppers  after  the 
play,  at  restaurants  and  clubs,  being  favorite 
bachelor  entertainments,  will  be  explained  in 
that  part  of  this  book  reserved  for  the  Bachelor 
as  Host. 


CHAPTER   VIII. 

A   CODE   OF   TABLE    MANNERS. 

MANY  of  the  cautions  contained  in  this 
chapter  will  seem  elementary  in  their  nature. 
But  one  expects  in  a  book  of  this  kind  to  see 
the  old  familiar  "don'ts,"  and  their  absence 
would  perhaps  deter  from  the  usefulness  of 
The  Complete  Bachelor.  I  would,  however, 
suggest  a  careful  study  of  that  clever  brochure, 
entitled  Don't,  which  would  refresh  the  mem 
ory  on  many  points  not  within  the  scope  of 
this  work.  It  is  really  quite  surprising  to  see 
how  few  men  have  perfect  table  manners. 
The  American  is  unfortunately  too  often  in 
a  hurry.  He  bolts  his  food.  He  is  a  victim 
of  the  "  quick-lunch  "  system.  Again,  a 
bachelor  eating  a  solitary  meal  at  a  club  or  a 
restaurant  is  apt  from  sheer  loneliness  to  try 
and  dispose  of  it  as  rapidly  as  possible.  Drill 
yourself  into  eating  leisurely.  Persons  of  re 
finement  take  only  small  morsels  at  a  time. 


01  Cobe  of  Sable  manners.          63 

One  can  not  be  too  dainty  at  table.  To  at 
tempt  to  talk  while  your  mouth  is  full  is  an 
other  vulgarity  upon  which  it  is  needless  to 
dwell.  The  French  have  made  us  the  reproach 
that  we  frequently  drink  while  our  mouths  are 
in  this  condition.  I  fear  there  is  some  founda 
tion  for  this  accusation.  Wipe  your  mouth 
carefully  before  putting  a  glass  to  your  lips. 
Grease  stains  around  the  edge  of  a  goblet  or 
wineglass  are  silent  but  telltale  witnesses  of 
careless  habits. 

The  napkin  is  an  embarrassing  article  to 
many  men.  Its  place  is  on  the  lap  and  not 
tucked  into  the  shirt  bosom  or  festooned 
around  the  neck.  When  one  arises  from  the 
table,  the  napkin  is  thrown  carelessly  on  it, 
unfolded.  The  days  of  napkin  rings  are  over. 

Nervous  and  bashful  persons  fidget,  they 
do  not  sit  squarely  or  firmly  at  table,  their 
chairs  are  crooked,  they  play  or  gesticulate 
with  their  knives  and  forks,  or  they  beat  dis 
mal  tattoos  with  them  against  their  plates. 
These  same  timid  minds  find  vent  for  inspira 
tion  in  the  crumbs  of  the  bread,  of  which  they 
involuntarily  make  little  figures  or  small  round 
balls.  The  economist,  another  person  on  the 
list,  plasters  his  food,  taking  a  bit  of  potato,  a 
little  tomato,  and  a  good-sized  square  of  meat 


64  ipe  Complete  Bachelor. 

as  a  foundation,  and  spreading  these  tidbits 
one  on  the  other,  prepares  of  them  a  delectable 
poultice  which  he  swallows  at  a  mouthful.  I 
pass  over  the  man  who  leaves  traces  of  each 
meal  on  his  shirt  or  his  clothes.  Such  a  being, 
I  have  no  doubt,  would  convey  food  to  his 
mouth  with  his  knife,  would  blow  on  his 
soup,  tea,  or  coffee  with  the  idea  of  cooling  it, 
or  would  pour  the  two  latter  cheering  fluids 
into  a  saucer  and  drink  them  therefrom. 

The  caution  to  keep  one's  hands  above  the 
cloth  and  one's  elbows  out  of  reach  of  others, 
also  falls  under  the  head  of  kindergarten  classi 
fication.  The  ridiculous  idea  prevailing  that 
one  must  not  eat  until  others  are  served  has 
passed  away  with  many  old-time  fallacies. 
One  commences  to  eat  as  soon  as  served. 
You  need  not  proceed  very  actively,  but  you 
can  take  up  your  fork  or  spoon,  as  the  case 
may  be,  and  make  at  least  a  feint  at  it. 

Toasts  have  also  fallen  into  "desuetude" 
at  private  dinners.  Sometimes  you  will  find 
an  old-fashioned  host  who  will,  on  touching 
his  glass  with  his  lips,  bow  to  his  guests,  and 
they  may  wait  for  this  signal  to  sip  their  wine, 
but  the  custom  is  utterly  obsolete  in  large 
cities  and  at  formal  dinners. 

When  you  have  finished  the  course,   lay 


21  <£ofce  of  QTabie  manners.          65 

your  knife  and  fork  side  by  side  on  your  plate, 
the  prongs  of  the  fork  upward.  Do  not  cross 
them.  No  whistlike  signals  are  needed  to 
day  to  signify  that  you  have  had  sufficient  to 
eat. 

Dinners  are  generally  served  a  la  Russe — 
that  is,  from  the  sideboard,  and  the  dishes  are 
passed  around  by  the  servants  on  silver  trays. 
Very  large  plats,  such  as  roasts  and  fish,  are 
sometimes  carried  without  the  trays.  On  all 
occasions  of  ceremony  the  men  servants  are 
gloved. 

Carving  at  table  is  but  little  seen  except  at 
very  informal  dinners  and  in  the  country, 
where  sometimes  the  master  of  the  house 
shows  off  this  old-fashioned  accomplishment, 
especially  if  he  has  a  dining  room  in  colonial 
style  and  wishes  to  have  everything  in  keeping. 

The  question  of  second  helpings  is  there 
fore  not  one  of  moment.  The  servants  pass 
the  viands  twice  or  more  around.  If  a  host  or 
hostess  serves  at  table,  he  or  she  will  ask  the 
guests  whether  they  would  like  a  second  help 
ing.  It  is  never  demanded.  Except  when  ab 
solutely  necessary  the  handkerchief  should  be 
kept  out  of  sight.  It  can  be  used  in  case  there 
should  be  some  sudden  irritation  of  the  skin, 
but  to  blow  one's  nose  at  table  is  disgusting. 


66  (pe  OTomplcie  33acl]d0r. 


The  American  bachelor  takes  usually  a  very 
light  first  meal.  It  consists  of  tea,  coffee,  or 
cocoa,  toast,  eggs,  oatmeal,  and  fruit.  There 
are  yet  a  few  men  who  go  in  for  the  old- 
fashioned  hearty  breakfast  with  beefsteak, 
buckwheat  cakes,  and  trimmings,  but  in  cities 
the  lighter  meal  is  preferable.  All  this  is,  of 
course,  more  a  matter  of  environment  and 
hygiene  than  etiquette.  I  have  compiled  a  list 
of  certain  viands,  which  society  does  require 
should  be  eaten  at  a  special  meal  and  in  only 
one  manner.  With  this  catalogue  I  will  close 
this  chapter. 

BREAKFAST  AND  LUNCHEON  DISHES. 

Eggs.  —  It  is  much  better  form  to  have  egg 
cups  than  egg  glasses  for  boiled  eggs.  Cut  the 
top  of  the  egg  off  with  a  dexterous  blow  of  a 
sharp  knife  and  eat  it  in  the  shell  with  a  small 
egg  spoon. 

Sugar.  —  Lump  sugar  if  served  is  always 
taken  with  the  sugar  tongs. 

Butter.  —  Butter  is  only  served  at  breakfast 
or  luncheon.  It  is  passed  around  in  a  silver 
dish,  with  a  little  silver  pick  with  which  to 
spear  it.  Butter  plates  —  i.  e.,  the  small  round 
silver  or  china  affairs  —  have  given  place  to 


&  QTobc  0f  ®ablc  ittanncrs.  67 

bread  and  butter  plates,  which  are  of  china 
and  are  somewhat  larger  than  an  ordinary 
saucer.  The  butter  plate  of  a  few  years  ago 
was  never  seen  outside  of  America,  and  is  now 
destined  to  vanish  from  our  tables.  It  is  need 
less  to  add  that  butter  is  never  served  at 
dinner. 

Radishes. — Radishes  appear  at  luncheon. 
Put  them  on  your  bread  and  butter  plate  and 
eat  them  with  a  little  salt. 

Cantaloupes  are  served  cut  in  half  and  filled 
with  ice.  They  are  eaten  as  a  first  course,  a 
fork  being  better  to  eat  them  with  than  a 
spoon.  Salt  is  the  condiment  to  use  with 
them,  but  sugar  is  allowable.  In  southern 
climates  they  are  sometimes  served  at  dinner 
as  a  separate  course  between  the  fish  and 
roast.  This  is  a  Creole  custom. 

Grape  fruit  is  served  as  a  first  course  (vide 
chapter  Diner-Out)  at  a  late  breakfast  or  lunch 
eon.  It  is  eaten  with  a  spoon. 

DINNER. 

The  menu  of  to-day  is  simple.  It  consists 
of  oysters  or  clams,  according  to  season,  soup, 
fish,  entree,  roast  and  vegetables,  game  and 
salad,  ices  and  dessert.  Sorbets  or  frozen 


68  fj;|)e  Complete  Bachelor. 

punches  are  not  served,  except  at  public  ban 
quets  and  hotel  table-d'hdtes. 

Oysters  or  clams  are  placed  on  the  table  in 
plates  for  the  purpose  before  dinner  is  an 
nounced.  They  are  imbedded  in  ice  and  ar 
ranged  around  a  half-sliced  lemon,  which  is  in 
the  middle  of  the  plate.  Oysters  or  clams  are 
eaten  with  a  fork  only.  Gourmets  say  that 
they  should  not  even  be  cut  with  it,  and  should 
be  swallowed  whole.  I  would  not  advise  any 
one  to  try  this  with  large  oysters.  The  oyster 
fork  is  the  first  in  the  number  of  the  implements 
placed  beside  your  plate.  Condiments,  such  as 
pepper  and  salt,  will  be  passed  you.  Sauterne 
is  served  with  oysters. 

Oyster  cocktails  have  been  in  vogue  in  place 
of  oysters.  These  are  a  mixture  of  the  bivalve 
with  Tabasco  sauce  and  vinegar,  and  they  are 
said  to  be  excellent  appetizers.  They  are  eaten 
with  a  small  fork  from  cocktail  glasses.  Bache 
lors  frequently  serve  them  in  place  of  oys 
ters. 

Soup. — At  large  and  formal  dinners  a  clear 
soup  is  in  vogue.  Your  soup  spoon  will  be  on 
the  knife  side  of  your  plate.  Soup  is  eaten 
from  the  side  and  not  from  the  end  of  the 
spoon.  The  motion  of  the  hand  guiding  the 
spoon  is  toward  and  not  from  you.  Take  soup 


31  Qlobe  of  ®abie  ittanners.          69 

in  small  spoonfuls,  and  use  your  napkin  in  wip 
ing  your  mouth  and  mustache  after  each,  espe 
cially  if  the  soup  is  thick  or  a  puree.  This  will 
avoid  the  dripping  of  that  liquid  from  your  up 
per  lip.  Never  after  this  operation  throw  your 
napkin  back  into  your  lap  with  the  greasy  side 
toward  your  clothes,  but  use  the  inside  of  it 
for  this  purpose. 

Fish  is  eaten  with  a  silver  fish  fork.  Chasing 
morsels  of  fish  around  your  plate  with  bits  of 
bread  is  obsolete.  Silver  fish  knives  have 
been  put  in  use,  but  they  are  not  generally  the 
vogue. 

Cucumbers  are  served  with  fish  on  the  same 
plate.  Little  plates  or  saucers  for  cucumbers, 
vegetables,  or  salads  are  bad  form. 

Sherry  is  served  with  fish. 

Celery,  olives,  and  salted  almonds  are 
placed  on  the  table  in  small  dishes.  Sometimes 
the  guests  are  asked  to  help  themselves,  but  at 
formal  dinners  they  are  passed  around  after  the 
fish.  Celery  is  eaten  with  the  fingers  and 
dipped  in  a  little  salt  placed  on  the  tablecloth 
or  on  the  edge  of  your  plate.  It  is  also  served 
as  an  entree  raw,  the  stalks  stuffed  with  Par 
mesan  cheese.  It  should  then  be  eaten  with  a 
fork. 

Entrees  require  a  fork  only.     Among  these 


70  ®l)e  Complete  Cacljetor. 

are   patties,    rissoles,    croquettes,    and   sweet 
breads. 

Mushrooms  are  eaten  with  a  fork,  and  served 
as  a  separate  course  in  lieu  of  an  entree. 

Terrapin  is  served  sometimes  in  little  silver 
saucepans  either  as  an  entree  or  as  fish,  and 
again  in  a  chafing  dish,  and  sometimes  with 
salad.  It  is  more  of  a  supper  than  a  dinner 
plat,  and  should  be  eaten  with  a  fork. 

Asparagus  is  eaten,  except  in  the  intimate 
privacy  of  your  own  family  circle,  with  a  fork. 
Cut  the  points  off  with  the  end  of  the  prongs. 
The  stalk  or  white  part  is  not  eaten.  It  is  al 
lowable  to  eat  it  with  your  fingers,  as  I  have 
said,  in  private.  It  is  served  after  the  roast  as 
a  special  course.  One  can  not  drink  cham 
pagne  with  asparagus  except  at  the  risk  of  a 
severe  headache. 

Artichokes  are  served  as  a  separate  course 
after  the  roast.  They  should  be  placed  in  the 
center  of  your  plate  and  the  inside  tips  of  the 
leaves  alone  eaten.  The  leaves  are  removed 
with  the  fingers  and  dipped  in  salt,  sauce  vinai 
grette,  or  melted  butter.  The  center  of  the 
artichoke  is  called  the  heart.  The  hairy  part  is 
removed  with  the  fork,  and  the  heart  itself, 
which  is  deliciously  tender,  is  conveyed  to  the 
mouth  with  the  fork. 


of  &abie  Ittanncrs.          7* 


Champagne  is  served  in  small  tumblers  or 
claret  glasses.  The  champagne  stem  glasses 
are  out  of  fashion.  The  dry  may  be  served 
from  the  fish  to  the  close  of  dinner,  but  the  old 
rule  was  to  give  it  with  the  roast,  claret  with 
the  entree,  and  Burgundy  with  the  game. 

Salad  is  eaten  with  a  fork  only.  In  cutting 
game  or  poultry,  the  bone  of  either  wing  or 
leg  should  not  be  touched  with  the  fingers,  but 
the  meat  cut  close  off.  It  is  better  to  sever  the 
wing  at  the  joint. 

Savories,  a  species  of  salt  fish  and  cheese 
sandwich,  is  served  in  England  hot,  about  the 
end  of  dinner.  They  should  be  eaten  with  a 
fork.  Undressed  salad  is  sometimes  served 
with  them,  or  radishes,  butter,  and  cheese. 
This  is  the  only  occasion  when  one  sees  butter 
on  a  dinner  table,  and  this  at  informal  dinners. 
The  salad  undressed  can  be  eaten  with  the  fin 
gers.  At  bachelor  dinners  and  at  luncheons 
cheese  is  served  with  salad.  The  French  soft 
cheeses  are  the  favorites. 

Pastry,  ices,  and  desserts  are  eaten  with  a 
fork. 

Fruit,  such  as  peaches,  pears,  and  apples, 
are  served  frequently  already  pared.  When 
this  is  the  case,  finger  bowls  are  dispensed 
with,  but  as  yet  this  is  not  a  general  rule. 


72  ®l)e  (Eomplete  Bachelor. 

Usually  at  dessert  there  is  placed  before  you  a 
finger  glass  and  doily  and  a  dessert  plate,  with 
the  dessert  knife  and  fork  on  either  side.  Re 
move  the  glass  and  doily;  put  it  in  front  of 
your  plate  a  little  to  the  right.  Fruit  must  be 
pared  or  peeled  with  a  silver  knife. 

Strawberries  are  now  served  with  the  stems 
on,  and  sugar  and  cream  are  passed  around  and 
are  taken  on  your  dessert  plate. 

Pineapples  are  eaten  with  a  fork.  A  cracker 
is  used  for  nuts,  and  silver  picks  are  brought  in 
with  the  dessert. 

Corn  on  the  cob  is  a  favorite  at  small  in 
formal  dinners  as  a  separate  course.  In  polite 
society  you  must  remove  the  grains  of  the  corn 
with  your  fork  or  your  knife  and  fork,  and  never 
eat  it  off  the  cob  holding  the  end  with  your 
fingers.  By  holding  one  end  with  your  napkin, 
you  can  plow  down  the  furrow  of  the  grains 
with  your  fork,  and  you  will  find  that  they  will 
fall  off  easily.  Corn  is  always  served,  when 
given  in  this  style,  on  a  white  napkin.  You 
help  yourself  to  the  ear  with  your  fingers. 

Macaroni  and  spaghetti  should  only  be 
eaten  with  a  fork.  In  New  Orleans  boiled 
shrimps  are  often  served  at  small  dinners.  The 
skins  and  heads  are  on,  and  you  remove  these 
with  your  fingers.  After  this  course  finger 


01  <£obc  of  QTablc  iftatmers.  73 

bowls  with  orange  leaves  are  passed  around, 
and  the  perfume  of  the  water  will  remove  the 
odor  of  fish  from  your  fingers. 

Black  coffee  is  served  after  dinner.  Milk  or 
cream  does  not  accompany  it,  except  in  the 
country,  where  sometimes  a  little  silver  pitcher 
of  cream  is  placed  on  the  tray.  Coffee  is  drunk 
from  small  cups.  Coffee  and  milk  are  never 
served  during  dinner,  nor  again  is  iced  milk. 
These  are  barbarisms.  Chatreuse,  kiimmel, 
curacoa,  and  cognac  are  the  liqueurs  usually 
served  after  dinner. 

Claret,  in  many  French  families,  especially 
those  of  the  middle  class,  is  placed  on  the  table 
in  decanters.  You  are  expected  to  help  your 
self.  There  are  also  carafons  or  decanters  of 
water  to  mix  with  the  wine.  The  claret  de 
canters  are  called  carafes.  Claret  is  drunk  at 
the  twelve  o'clock  dejeuner  as  well  as  at  dinner. 

Tea  is  passed  around  in  old-fashioned  Eng 
lish  houses  about  an  hour  after  dinner.  In 
some  places  buttered  muffins  accompany  it, 
but  this  extra  refreshment  is  only  seen  now  in 
very  old-fashioned  houses. 

Scotch  whisky  and  hot  water  or  mineral 
waters  are  served  in  country  houses  before 
bedtime. 


CHAPTER   IX. 

THE   CITY   BACHELOR  AS    HOST. 

LUNCHEONS,  DINNERS,  THEATER  PARTIES,  CLUB 
AND  RESTAURANT  SUPPERS,  AND  OTHER  BACH 
ELOR  ENTERTAINMENTS. 

THE  bachelor  who  entertains  is  a  most 
popular  member  of  society.  It  does. not  cost 
a  fortune  to  return  in  some  manner  the  civili 
ties  once  received,  and  every  man,  even  if  his 
income  be  limited,  can  once  in  a  while  enter 
tain,  even  if  it  be  on  a  very  small  scale  and  in 
a  very  modest  way.  Bachelor  functions  are 
always  enjoyable.  For  a  host  of  moderate  in 
come,  I  would  suggest  a  luncheon,  a  dinner, 
or  a  party  to  the  play,  followed  by  a  little 
supper. 

A  bachelor  luncheon  can  be  given  either  at 
the  host's  apartments  or  chambers,  at  a  restau 
rant,  or  in  the  ladies'  annex  of  his  club,  if  that 
organization  possesses  such  an  institution. 

At  all  entertainments  given  under  a  bache- 

74 


(Kits  Bachelor  as  £jost.  75 


lor's  vine  and  fig  tree,  extreme  simplicity 
should  be  a  characteristic.  The  table  linen 
should  be  of  the  finest  damask,  or  the  best 
material  his  income  will  allow;  the  glass  per 
fectly  plain,  clear  crystal,  the  china  of  a  rich 
but  quiet  pattern,  the  silver  good  but  abso 
lutely  without  ornamental  devices  of  any  kind. 
In  fact,  the  silver  can  be  limited  to  forks  and 
spoons,  and  the  rest  Sheffield  or  prince's  plate. 
Silver  is  not  expensive,  but  plate  is  considered 
quite  smart,  and  it  has  the  advantage  of  being 
utterly  valueless  from  the  burglar's  point  of 
view. 

Individual  salt  and  pepper  affairs,  cut  or 
colored  glass,  or  the  hundred  and  one  knick- 
knacks  which  one  sees  advertised  and  which 
eventually  find  their  way  to  the  boarding- 
house  table,  are  vulgar. 

Before  your  cloth  is  laid  you  should  have  a 
cover  of  felt  placed  over  the  table,  so  as  to 
form  a  shield  between  it  and  the  damask  or 
linen.  In  the  center  goes  a  silver  or  plated 
fernery,  filled  with  ferns  and  asparagus  vines, 
on  a  mirror  tray,  or  an  epergne  with  fruit. 
Two  heavy,  old-fashioned  decanters  in  Queen 
Anne  coasters  should  be  placed,  one  at  your 
right  and  the  other  at  the  right  of  your  vis-d- 
vts.  These  contain  sherry  and  claret.  Four 


76  ®lie  (Complete  Bachelor. 

plain  silver,  plated,  or  china  dishes  are  at  the 
corners  with  salted  almonds,  olives,  bonbons, 
and  fancy  cakes.  If  you  wish  to  be  very  effect 
ive  and  have  the  money  to  spare,  it  is  smart 
at  a  dinner  to  have  silver  candlesticks  with 
candles  or  tiny  lamps  gleaming  behind  red  or 
pink  shades  at  each  cover.  Two  or  three  forks 
are  laid  at  the  left  of  each  plate.  If  more  are 
required,  your  servant  will  replace  them.  On 
the  right  of  the  plate  are  the  knives,  including 
one  for  the  roast,  with  the  tablespoon  for 
the  soup,  if  it  is  a  dinner,  and  the  oyster  fork. 
The  napkins  should  be  plain  and  flat,  and 
contain  a  roll  of  bread.  These  hints  for  ar 
ranging  the  table  will  do  for  either  luncheon 
or  dinner.  Not  one  of  the  articles  is  in  itself 
expensive,  and  you  may  possess  them  all  with 
the  accumulation  of  years.  If  not,  a  simpler 
arrangement  could  be  effected,  or  you  could 
give  the  entertainment  at  a  restaurant  instead 
of  your  rooms  or  house.  The  invitations  can 
be  either  verbal  or  written,  but  at  best  a 
luncheon  or  dinner  in  a  bachelor's  apartments 
is  regarded  as  a  little  frolic,  and  you  must  try 
to  preserve  the  spirit  and  waive  the  formalities. 
A  chaperon,  of  course,  is  necessary.  The 
party  can  be  limited  to  about  eight.  If  you 
have  a  manservant  he  should  be  dressed  in 


Olitn  Bacl)clor  as  ijost.          77 


black  coat  and  trousers,  white  shirt,  standing 
collar  and  tie,  and  liveried  waistcoat.  His 
duties  are  to  open  the  door  and  to  serve  the 
luncheon.  But  a  manservant  is  not  neces 
sary.  Some  of  the  smartest  bachelors  in  New 
York  give  delightful  little  dinners  and  lunch 
eons  at  their  apartments,  at  which  the  maid 
who  has  cooked  the  meal,  dressed  in  white 
apron  and  black  gown,  also  serves  it. 

The  menu  should  be  the  usual  one  expected 
at  luncheons,  but  champagne  is  never  offered 
by  a  man  to  women  in  his  apartments,  unless 
at  dinner  or  a  theater  supper.  If  a  wealthy 
bachelor  has  a  large  house,  and  instead  of  one 
there  are  a  number  of  matrons  chaperoning, 
the  case  is  different.  Manhattan  or  Martini 
cocktails  could  be  passed  around  before  lunch 
eon,  or  some  little  peculiar  dish  be  served  to 
give  a  zest  to  the  occasion. 

A  bachelor's  dinner  at  his  house  or  apart 
ments  is  a  more  formal  entertainment,  but  it 
differs  in  nowise  from  a  regular  function  of 
that  character.  The  chaperon  takes  the  place 
of  the  lady  of  the  house  for  that  occasion. 
Dressing  rooms  are  arranged  for  the  men  and 
women,  and  the  same  ceremonies  observed  as 
at  any  formal  dinner.  If  the  affair  is  given  in 
apartments,  of  course  the  character  must  be 


78  ®l)e  Complete  Sadjelor. 

more  or  less  informal,  as  the  accommodations 
are  limited.  Should  you  have  a  man  serve 
at  your  dinner,  he  must  be  in  evening  dress. 
Both  at  dinner  and  at  luncheon  he  must 
have  gloves,  but  this  is  not  required  of  a 
maid. 

A  bachelor's  supper  in  his  own  apartments 
is  sometimes  given  after  the  play.  Of  the  menu, 
I  will  speak  a  little  farther  on.  A  chafing-dish 
supper  is,  however,  an  unique  and  enjoyable 
entertainment.  Several  chafing  dishes  should 
be  ready,  so  that  each  course  can  follow  with 
out  delay.  Terrapin,  truffled  eggs,  curried 
oysters,  and  other  dainties  of  this  kind  com 
prise  usually  the  menu.  It  would  be  well  to 
serve  first  oysters  on  the  half  shell,  followed 
by  lobster  a  la  Newburg,  the  latter  being  the 
first  plat  cooked  with  the  chafing  dish.  Cham 
pagne  is  a  good  wine,  and  allowable  for  a  chaf 
ing-dish  supper;  but  if  Welsh  rarebits  are  the 
chef  d'ceuvre,  then  beer  or  ale  would  be 
better. 

A  theater  party  should  be  confined  to 
eight  or  ten.  A  parti  carre — four  people — 
is  delightful.  Unmarried  women  do  not  go  to 
theaters  or  restaurants  with  a  man  alone.  They 
must  be  chaperoned,  even  at  a  matinee  or  a 
luncheon  party  at  a  hotel  or  restaurant — in 


€iln  Bachelor  as  Ijost.          79 


fact,  an  unmarried  couple  is  seldom  seen  at 
public  places  in  New  York,  unless  they  are 
engaged,  and  married  women  are  as  much 
compromised  as  unmarried  ones  by  indiffer 
ence  to  this  absolute  rule  of  etiquette. 

The  invitations  can  be  either  verbal  or  writ 
ten.  In  the  season  it  is  better  to  write  them, 
to  insure  the  acceptance  of  guests.  Be  careful 
in  the  wording  to  give  not  only  the  evening, 
but  the  name  of  the  play  and  the  theater.  For 
a  party,  always  secure  end  seats,  and  there 
will  be  no  disturbing  of  others  in  case  you 
might  be  a  little  late.  A  box  is  necessary  at 
the  circus  or  at  a  music  hall,  but  orchestra 
seats  or  stalls  are  the  best  selection  for  a  bache 
lor's  party.  Many  mothers  object  to  their 
daughters  being  seen  at  the  theater  in  a  pro 
scenium  box. 

The  rendezvous  or  meeting  place  should  be 
at  the  chaperon's.  The  vestibule  of  the  thea 
ter  is  awkward,  except  for  parties  of  four.  A 
stage  is  the  best  vehicle  to  convey  your  guests 
to  the  playhouse.  At  the  theater  the  host  sees 
that  his  guests  are  provided  with  playbills. 
He  gives  the  tickets  to  the  usher,  and  precedes 
the  party  down  the  aisle.  He  indicates  the 
order  of  sitting.  A  man  should  go  in  first, 
followed  by  the  woman  with  whom  he  is  to 


8o  QTl)e  (Complete  Bachelor. 


sit,  and  then,  thus  sandwiched,  the  rest  of  the 
party  file  in,  the  host  taking  the  aisle  or  end 
seat.  The  host  sits  next  to  the  chaperon. 
Gentlemen  do  not  go  out  between  the  acts  at 
the  theater,  but  sometimes,  when  there  is  a 
party  to  the  opera,  they  can  leave  their  seats  if 
other  men  come  to  visit  the  ladies.  A  man 
going  in  or  out  a  theater  aisle  should  do  so  with 
his  face  toward  the  stage  and  his  back  to  the 
seat.  A  host  never  leaves  his  guests.  After 
the  play  go  a  little  ahead  and  give  your  carriage 
check  to  the  porter  as  soon  as  possible,  so  that 
there  may  not  be  a  long  wait.  The  porter  ex 
pects  a  small  fee.  All  theater  parties  are  fol 
lowed  by  a  supper  given  either  at  a  restaurant, 
at  the  club,  in  the  ladies'  annex,  or  at  your 
bachelor  apartments. 

All  luncheons,  dinners,  or  suppers  at  a  res 
taurant,  unless  organized  on  the  spur  of  the 
moment,  are  ordered  beforehand,  and  every 
thing,  including  the  waiter's  tip,  arranged  and 
settled  for.  If  you  have  not  an  account  at  the 
restaurant,  pay  the  bill  at  the  time  you  order 
the  menu  and  reserve  the  table.  Flowers 
should  be  included,  and  a  centerpiece  of  roses, 
which  are  so  arranged  as  to  come  apart  and  be 
distributed  in  bunches  to  each  of  your  fair 
guests,  is  one  of  the  favorite  devices.  Small 


Citn  Bachelor  as  ^ost.  81 

boutonnieres  are  provided  for  the  men.  The 
public  restaurant  or  dining  room  is  the  place 
for  a  bachelor  supper  when  ladies  are  guests. 
A  private  room  is  not  proper,  and  your  guests 
want  to  see  and  be  seen.  The  chaperon  is 
seated  at  the  right  hand  of  the  host,  unless  the 
party  is  given  in  honor  of  a  particular  woman, 
in  which  case  she  has  that  place.  The  chaper 
on  is  then  at  your  left.  Wraps  and  coats  are 
taken  off  in  the  hall  of  the  restaurant  and 
checked.  There  is  no  order  of  entry,  except 
that  the  host  should  precede  and  the  others 
follow. 

The  usual  menu  for  a  theater  supper  is : 

I.  Clams  or  oysters  on  the  half  shell. 

II.  Bouillon  in  cups. 

III.  Chicken  croquettes  or  sweetbreads  with 
peas,  or  lobster  a  la  Newburg. 

IV.  Terrapin  or  birds  with  salad. 

V.  Ices,  cakes,  cafe  noir,  bonbons. 

VI.  Liqueurs. 

With  the  oysters  or  clams  white  wine  is 
served.  Champagne  follows  the  bouillon  until 
the  end  of  the  supper. 

After  supper  the  party  usually  returns  to  the 
residence  of  the  chaperon,  where  the  unmar 
ried  women  have  their  maids  and  family  es 
corts  awaiting  them.  The  host  accompanies 


82  ®|}e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

them  to  the  chaperon's  house,  but  the  other 
men  take  leave  at  the  restaurant.  The  chaper 
on  may  have  it  arranged  to  have  dancing  at 
her  house,  in  which  case  the  party  return  with 
her  after  supper. 

A  supper  in  the  ladies  annex  in  nowise 
differs  from  this,  except  that  you  do  not  tip  the 
waiter  or  pay  the  bill,  but  have  it  charged  in 
your  monthly  account. 

The  menu  for  a  supper  at  your  own  apart 
ments  follows  the  same  lines  as  those  already 
given. 

Theater  clubs  are  associations  of  women 
and  men,  all  subscribing,  meeting  at  the  houses 
of  different  members,  one  of  whom  gives  the 
supper. 

Bachelors'  dances  or  balls  are  given  at  a 
large  hall  by  a  number  of  unmarried  men,  who 
subscribe  a  certain  amount  each.  A  number 
of  well-known  matrons  are  asked  to  receive 
the  guests,  and  a  cotillon  usually  follows  the 
supper. 

Impromptu  lunches,  dinners,  or  suppers  at 
restaurants  sometimes  require  the  immediate 
settlement  of  the  account.  Be  careful  to  draw 
from  your  pocketbook  a  bill  of  large  denomina 
tion,  and  not  a  handful  of  change.  Do  not 
con  over  or  dispute  the  items.  If  you  have  an 


Ctitn  Bachelor  as  $ost.          83 


account,  simply  sign  the  check.  If  not,  it  is 
best  to  give  the  waiter  his  tip  and  go  to  the  desk 
and  pay  while  the  members  of  your  party  are 
getting  their  wraps. 

Dinners  at  restaurants  are  frequently  given 
by  bachelors,  and  are  followed  by  a  visit  to 
the  theater.  The  rendezvous  is  either  at  the 
house  of  the  chaperon  or  at  the  restaurant 
itself,  should  the  party  be  limited  in  num 
ber. 

The  menu  varies  according  to  the  season. 
Six  courses,  including  raw  oysters  or  clams, 
soup,  fish,  entree,  roast  and  vegetables,  birds 
and  salad,  ices  and  dessert,  are  sufficient.  The 
form  and  manner  of  entertaining  at  a  dinner  of 
this  kind  are  similar  to  those  observed  at  sup 
pers. 

To  a  man  who  frequently  entertains,  and 
at  a  particular  restaurant,  an  occasional  tip  to 
the  head  waiter  would  be  of  service.  This  is 
a  word  to  the  wise. 

Card  parties  for  the  playing  of  whist,  dom 
ino,  or  poker  are  often  given  by  bachelors  at 
their  apartments  or  residences.  In  apartments 
this  class  of  entertainment  is  only  for  men. 
Women  should  not  go  to  bachelors'  apart 
ments  except  for  luncheon,  dinner,  or  supper. 
In  a  bachelor's  house,  however,  any  enter- 


Complete  Bachelor. 


tainment  can  be  given.  Small  stakes  are 
played  for  and  the  usual  supper  follows. 
The  farewell  bachelor  dinner  will  have  its 
proper  place  in  the  chapter  on  Wedding 
Etiquette. 


CHAPTER  X. 

THE  COUNTRY  HOUSE. 

THE  BACHELOR  AS  HOST. — THE  BACHELOR  AS 
GUEST. 

BACHELORS,  whose  incomes  are  of  all  sizes 
and  conditions,  can  have  some  kind  of  a  coun 
try  house.  It  may  be  a  fishing  lodge,  a  hunt 
ing  box,  maintained  by  three  or  four  men 
clubbing  together;  a  small  cottage  plainly  and 
simply  furnished  at  the  seashore,  near  golf 
links,  or  in  a  good  neighborhood;  or  again  a 
large  establishment,  a  villa  at  Newport  or  in  a 
fashionable  colony  with  a  retinue  of  servants 
and  a  stable  filled  with  horses.  Whichever  it 
might  be,  open  hospitality,  as  much  as  it  is  in 
your  power,  should  prevail.  However,  never 
attempt  anything  more  than  you  can  accom 
plish,  and  by  all  means  do  not  run  into  debt. 
To  a  fishing  or  hunting  lodge  men  only  should 
be  invited.  It  should  be  furnished  with  the 

85 


86  ®l]c  (Complete  Bachelor. 

mere  necessaries,  and  hung  with  fishing  and 
hunting  prints  and  trophies  of  the  chase.  The 
hall  serves  as  sitting  and  even  mess  room.  A 
man  of  all  work  or  an  old  married  couple  are 
the  best  servants.  Ample  supplies  are  sent 
from  town,  but  the  leading  idea  is  roughing  it, 
and  the  table  is  partially  supplied  by  the  game 
and  fish  brought  back  by  you  and  your  friends. 
When  the  term  of  the  visit  of  your  guests  ex 
pires,  each  should  be  able  to  bring  home  a  bas 
ket  offish  or  some  game.  From  time  to  time 
send  to  any  of  your  hostesses  of  the  winter 
something  from  your  preserves.  These  atten 
tions  are  much  appreciated. 

A  truck  farm  or  a  small  country  place  near 
town,  which  may  have  either  fallen  to  you  by 
inheritance  or  which  you  may  have  purchased, 
or  which  you  have  for  kennels  or  for  your 
horses,  can  also  be  used  for  entertaining.  Even 
in  the  largest  of  these  houses  the  plan  of 
furnishing  is  substantially  the  same.  There 
should  be  a  masculine  note  throughout  the  en 
tire  scheme.  The  furniture  should  be  old- 
fashioned,  and  the  pictures  sporting  and  hunt 
ing  prints  and  steel  engravings.  There  should 
be  an  air  of  homeliness  and  open  hospitality 
about  the  place.  It  should  look  as  if  it  were 
verily  Liberty  Hall. 


®l)c  Countrn  §ousc.  87 

A  tract  of  unprofitable  land  could  be  con 
verted  into  golf  links  and  a  tennis  court  laid 
out.  A  picnic  is  the  popular  form  in  which 
bachelors  who  have  such  a  possession  may 
entertain.  Some  fifty  to  one  hundred  people 
can  be  invited,  and  a  special  train  or  boat,  if 
the  place  is  too  far  from  the  city  for  a  drive, 
chartered  for  their  accommodation.  The  in 
vitations  should  state  the  hour  at  which  this 
train  or  boat  would  leave  the  city.  Stages 
await  the  guests  at  the  country  station  and 
bring  them  up  to  the  house.  Cocktails,  drinka 
bles,  claret  cup,  tea,  and  sandwiches  are  served 
on  their  arrival.  There  should  be  no  fixed 
programme  of  amusement.  Luncheon,  or 
luncheon  and  dinner  both,  according  to  the 
length  of  stay,  could  be  served,  and  the  menu 
should  embrace  a  few  courses  of  country  fare. 
Dancing  in  the  barn  during  the  afternoon  will 
be  another  form  of  entertainment,  or  if  you 
wish  to  give  an  elaborate  entertainment,  vaude 
ville  performers  might  be  hired  for  the  hour 
after  luncheon. 

In  a  large  establishment  the  bachelor  who 
entertains  usually  has  residing  with  him  a 
sister  or  female  relative  who  acts  as  hostess. 
One  of  the  delights  of  a  wealthy  bachelor  is  to 
have  a  large  and  well-appointed  stable  with  a 


&l)e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

number  of  traps  which  are  at  the  disposition 
of  his  guests. 

A  bachelor  host  always  drives  to  the  station 
or  boat  to  meet  his  guests.  A  drag,  three- 
seated  surrey,  or  a  station  van  would  be  the 
smart  vehicle.  I  am  now  writing  of  a  man 
of  large  means.  The  method  of  entertaining 
should  be  the  English  one,  without  any  fixed 
programme  for  the  days  of  the  guests'  stay. 
Only  when  there  is  shooting,  the  party  is  ex 
pected  to  assemble  in  the  morning.  If  there  is 
a  local  club,  your  men  guests  should  be  put  up 
at  it,  and  the  entire  party  made  visiting  mem 
bers  of  the  neighboring  casino.  The  rest  is 
conveyed  in  the  advice  to  have  always  plenty 
of  good  cheer  and  to  entertain  the  visitors  as 
much  as  possible.  In  these  houses  there  is 
much  drinking,  possibly,  and  perhaps  cards, 
but  a  young  man  who  is  a  guest  should  be 
firm  enough  to  resist  temptation,  and  to  stand 
by  his  convictions. 

One  word  more,  and  this  applies  to  many 
country  houses,  if  not  all  of  them.  See  that 
your  guests'  bedrooms  are  provided  with  soap, 
hair  and  clothes'  brushes,  and  toilet  articles. 
The  desk  should  be  filled  with  letter  paper  and 
envelopes,  and  if  you  want  to  appear  very 
fashionable,  the  stationery  should  have  the 


QTountrji  ^ouse.  89 


name  of  your  place  in  blue  or  red  letters  at  the 
top  or  in  the  right-hand  corner  of  the  first  sheet. 
Many  convivial  souls  place  on  a  side  table  in 
each  room  mineral  water,  cigarettes,  cigars, 
and  the  inevitable  decanter. 

When  you  are  a  guest  you  are  met  at  the 
station  by  one  of  your  host's  traps.  Do  not 
be  surprised,  however,  if  you  do  not  find  this 
accommodation.  It  is  considered  very  Eng 
lish,  I  know  not  why,  to  allow  bachelors  to 
reach  a  country  house  by  the  best  means  they 
can  find  at  the  station  or  landing.  You  are 
received  by  your  host,  and  after  refreshment 
are  shown  to  your  room.  If  you  arrive  late  in 
the  afternoon  you  do  not  see  your  hostess,  but 
dress  for  dinner  and  find  her  in  the  drawing 
room  when  you  go  downstairs.  You  are  ex 
pected  to  conform  to  the  rules  of  the  house  as 
to  the  hours  for  meals,  and  to  place  yourself  at 
the  service  of  your  hostess.  You  must  cer 
tainly  appear  at  any  function  which  has  been 
arranged  for  you,  and  it  is  very  impolite  to  ac 
cept,  during  your  stay,  any  outside  invitation 
to  any  affair  to  which  your  host  and  hostess 
have  not  also  been  asked.  If  you  have  a  valet 
you  may  bring  him  with  you,  but  you  must 
certainly  notify  your  host  of  this  intention. 
Few  houses  in  this  country  have  the  ac- 
7 


90  Stye  Complete  Bachelor. 

commodations  necessary  for  outside  serv 
ants. 

Tipping  is  demoralizing,  but  it  is  an  ac 
cepted  custom.  On  your  departure  after  a 
short  stay,  at  Newport  or  a  very  fashionable 
•resort,  the  servant  who  attends  you  should 
have  five  dollars,  the  butler  five  dollars,  the 
coachman  five  dollars,  and  the  chambermaid 
two  dollars.  At  smaller  places  five  dollars 
altogether,  judiciously  distributed,  is  ample,  or 
a  dollar  each  to  three  of  the  servants. 

The  first-mentioned  amounts  can  be  placed 
in  envelopes  and  given  to  the  servant  attend 
ing  you  for  the  others.  All  this  is  a  question 
of  resources,  and  there  are  many  men  who 
avoid  invitations  to  the  large  country  houses 
in  the  East  and  North  because  they  can  not 
afford  the  tips.  In  England,  when  one  is  in 
vited  to  the  shooting,  one  tips  the  gamekeeper 
one  to  five  pounds,  according  to  the  extent  of 
the  bag  and  duration  of  visit. 

The  usual  method  of  inviting  men  in  this 
country  for  a  short  stay  is  from  Friday  or  Sat 
urday  until  Monday.  It  has  often  been  a  puzzle 
to  them  as  to  what  they  should  take  in  their 
bag  or  how  much  luggage  they  should  carry. 
At  most  not  more  than  a  good-sized  bag  or 
valise  and  perhaps  a  hatbox.  For  an  even- 


(Eountrn  tyome.  91 


ing's  stay  a  dress-suit  case  is  sufficient.  In 
your  valise  must  be  placed  your  evening 
clothes,  and  if  the  party  is  to  be  somewhat  of 
an  informal  one,  I  would  also  take  my  dinner 
jacket.  If  you  are  going  to  a  very  fashionable 
resort,  a  black  frock  coat,  waistcoat,  and  fancy 
trousers  would  not  be  amiss,  but  in  that  case 
you  would  have  also  to  take  a  hatbox  for  your 
top  hat.  Of  recent  years  men  in  the  country 
have  been  consulting  their  comfort  more  than 
absolute  accuracy  in  the  details  of  dress.  Even 
at  garden  parties,  at  church,  and  at  afternoon 
teas  during  the  month  of  August  at  Newport, 
which  is,  after  all,  only  the  fashionable  metropo 
lis  transported  to  another  locality  for  the  sum 
mer,  you  seldom  see  a  frock  coat  or  a  top  hat. 
Unless  you  are  sure  that  there  will  be  an 
occasion  where  these  would  be  positively  re 
quired,  I  would  not  take  them,  especially  on  so 
short  a  visit.  The  linen  to  be  brought  should 
consist  of  a  dress  shirt  for  each  evening  and  a 
colored  shirt  for  each  morning,  half  a  dozen 
handkerchiefs,  two  complete  changes  of  under 
clothes,  three  pairs  of  ordinary  and  two  pairs 
of  black  silk  hose,  and  a  pair  of  pyjamas.  Take 
three  of  your  ties  for  day  wear  and  four  white 
lawn  for  evening,  and  one  black  in  case  you 
are  to  use  your  dinner  jacket.  Slippers  for  the 


92  ®l)e  OTomplete  Bachelor. 

bedroom  and  pumps  for  evening  wear  should 
complete  the  clothing  carried,  unless  you  take 
your  frock  coat,  when  you  would  have  to  bring 
patent  leather  boots  to  wear  with  afternoon 
dress.  I  have  given  rather  a  liberal  allowance 
of  articles  for  a  short  stay,  but  one  must  be  pre 
pared  for  accidents  or  emergencies.  It  is  better 
to  take  an  extra  shirt,  or  a  change  of  under 
clothes,  or  a  few  more  ties  than  one  could  or 
dinarily  use,  so  that  seme  contretemps  would 
not  cause  great  annoyance  and  inconvenience. 
In  the  absence  of  a  dressing  case,  care  must  be 
taken  of  the  articles  for  the  toilet.  The  tooth, 
nail,  and  shaving  brushes,  the  sponges  and 
washrags,  should  be  packed  in  little  waterproof 
silk  bags,  which  can  be  obtained  at  a  small 
price  at  any  chemist's.  Your  host  or  hostess 
should  provide  you  with  soap,  but  I  would  not 
take  the  risk.  I  should  bring  my  own  in  a 
little  metal  soapbox  or  well  wrapped  in  thick 
paper.  Your  shaving  articles,  a  shoehorn,  but 
ton  hook,  nail  file,  small  pair  of  nail  scissors, 
tooth  powder,  or  listerine  should  not  be  for 
gotten.  The  large  articles,  your  combs  and 
your  brushes,  can  all  be  wrapped  separately  in 
tissue  paper.  It  would  be  gallant  of  you  to 
bring  a  box  of  sweets  for  your  hostess. 

If  you  are  asked  to  play  golf,  it  might  be 


(STountrj)  §ouse.  93 


more  convenient  to  travel  in  your  golf  togs, 
which  would  serve  as  a  lounge  suit.  But  in 
that  case  a  pair  of  long  trousers  to  match  your 
coat  and  waistcoat,  or  an  entire  lounge  suit 
should  be  carried,  as  on  Sunday  you  would  be 
very  uncomfortable  in  golf  dress,  and  some 
what  out  of  place.  Or  you  might  put  your 
"  knickers  "  in  the  bag,  and  wear  the  coat  and 
waistcoat  with  long  trousers. 


CHAPTER   XI. 

A   BACHELOR'S  SERVANTS. 

As  soon  as  a  bachelor  begins  to  branch  out 
a  little  and  to  have  an  apartment  or  a  house  or 
a  country  establishment,  though  the  latter  be 
only  a  fishing  or  a  hunting  box,  he  must  hire 
servants.  The  general  servant  is  perhaps  the 
one  most  universally  employed.  Many  bache 
lors  hire  some  middle-aged  woman  who  not 
only  does  the  cooking,  but  takes  care  of  the 
apartment,  valets  him,  and  waits  at  table  when 
he  has  guests  to  dinner.  Others  employ  a  man 
to  look  after  them,  who  is  valet  and  general 
factotum,  and  others  again,  with  larger  estab 
lishments,  a  man  and  wife.  The  former  does 
the  valeting,  the  waiting,  and  is  steward  and 
butler,  while  the  woman  attends  to  the  cook 
ing  and  laundry.  There  are  quite  a  number  of 
bachelor  households  of  this  description  in  cur 
large  cities,  the  occupants  being  several  in  num 
ber  and  clubbing  together.  One  is  appointed 

94 


31  B o cl) clot's  Servants.  95 

treasurer,  and  the  butler  and  cook  are  hired  at 
a  stated  price  and  receive  a  certain  sum  for 
catering.  When  good  servants  of  this  kind 
are  found  they  are  treasures. 

All  menservants  should  be  clean  shaven. 
A  short  bit  of  side  whiskers — a  la  mutton 
chop — is  allowed;  but  under  no  circumstances 
should  they  have  bearded  faces  or  wear  a  mus 
tache.  Their  linen  and  attire  should  be  fault 
less.  In  the  treatment  of  servants  a  man  must 
exercise  an  iron  will.  He  can  be  kind  and 
considerate,  but  he  must  never  descend  to  dis 
pute  with  one,  and  certainly  not  swear  at  him. 
To  be  on  familiar  terms  with  one's  servants 
shows  the  cloven  foot  of  vulgarity.  Discharge 
a  servant  at  once  when  he  is  disrespectful  or 
when  he  is  careless  in  his  duties  or  in  his  con 
duct.  When  asking  for  anything  there  is  no 
necessity  of  forgetting  the  elements  of  true 
politeness,  nor  is  it  a  blot  on  your  deportment 
to  utter  a  civil  "thank  you"  for  a  service  per 
formed.  All  servants  should  address  you  as 
"Sir."  and  when  called  should  reply  "Yes, 
sir,"  and  certainly  not  "  All  right."  Your  men- 
servants  touch  their  hats  to  you  on  receiving 
orders  in  the  open,  on  being  addressed,  and 
upon  your  appearance.  Encourage  your  serv 
ants  now  and  then  by  a  kind  word,  and  see  that 


96  ®l]e  (JTomplete  Bachelor. 

they  have  good  and  wholesome  food,  clean  and 
comfortable  quarters.  Once  in  a  while  give 
them  a  holiday,  or  an  evening  off,  a  cash  re 
membrance  at  Christmas,  and  from  time  to 
time  some  part  of  your  wardrobe  or  cast-off 
clothing.  They  are  just  like  children,  and 
must  be  treated  with  the  rigor  and  mild  disci 
pline  which  a  schoolmaster  uses  toward  his 
pupils.  In  all  their  movements  they  should  be 
noiseless  and  as  automatic  as  possible  in  their 
actions. 

And  now  for  particular  servants  hired  by  a 
bachelor: 

The  groom  is,  with  the  exception  of  the 
general  servant,  the  first  domestic  likely  to  be 
in  the  employ  of  an  unmarried  man  of  moder 
ate  means.  When  a  bachelor  becomes  a  horse 
owner  he  can  never  be  too  particular  about 
his  turnouts  and  his  liveries.  The  groom  in 
the  city  or  at  a  fashionable  watering  place 
should  have  two  liveries — one  for  dress  oc 
casions  and  the  other  for  what  is  known  as 
a  "stable  suit."  The  latter,  which  is  a  sim 
ple  English  tweed  or  whipcord,  made  with  a 
cutaway  coat  of  the  same  material,  will  an 
swer  perfectly  well  for  the  country,  where  it 
is  ridiculous  to  have  elaborate  liveries.  A 
square  brown  Derby  is  worn  with  this  suit, 


01  J3ad)d0r1s  Scnjants.  97 

brown  English  driving  gloves,  and  a  white 
plastron  or  coachman's  scarf.  This  flat  scarf 
is  the  badge  of  distinction  between  the  house 
and  stable  servant.  No  tie  pin  nor  trinkets  of 
any  description  should  be  allowed  servants. 
The  best  dress  livery  is  a  frock  coat,  single- 
breasted,  of  kersey,  the  color  of  your  livery; 
white  buckskin  riding  breeches,  top  boots,  top 
hat,  white  plastron,  standing  collar,  and  brown 
driving  gloves.  One  distinctive  color  should 
be  used,  not  only  for  your  liveries  but  also  for 
your  traps,  as  well  as  one  kind  of  harness. 
The  cockade  on  the  hat  is  the  privilege  abroad 
of  ambassadors;  it  is  bad  form.  Besides  the 
care  of  your  horse  or  horses,  your  groom  must 
be  a  species  of  outside  general  servant,  ready 
to  go  on  errands  or  attend  to  the  numerous 
duties  of  a  manservant  about  a  country  place. 
By  no  means  can  he  be  substituted  for  a  valet, 
a  butler,  or  an  indoor  servant.  When  he 
brings  your  trap  to  the  door  he  holds  the  ani 
mals'  heads  until  you  are  seated,  when  he 
touches  his  hat  and  lets  go  the  reins.  If  he  is 
to  sit  behind  in  the  trap  he  must  hold  him 
self  upright  with  folded  arms.  He  alights 
immediately  the  trap  is  stopped,  running  all 
errands,  and  holding  the  horses  until  the  drive 
is  resumed.  He  sometimes  accompanies  his 


!3acl)clor. 


master  when  the  latter  rides.  He  brings  his 
horse  to  the  door  and  holds  it  until  the  mount. 
He  follows,  occasionally,  on  another  horse  at 
a  respectful  distance.  Should  you  be  wealthy 
enough  to  have  also  a  coachman,  your  groom 
can  act  as  second  man  on  the  box.  A  coach 
man's  dress  livery  consists  of  a  double-breasted 
long  coachman's  coat,  top  boots,  and  buckskin 
breeches,  white  flat  plastron,  high  collar  and 
top  hat,  and  brown  driving  gloves.  When 
both  servants  are  employed  the  groom  is  un 
der  the  orders  of  the  coachman  as  regards  the 
stable  work. 

The  Valet. — Of  course  a  valet  is  a  luxury. 
A  man  can  valet  himself  very  easily,  and  if  the 
instructions  given  in  the  chapters  on  the  Care 
of  Clothes  and  The  Toilet  are  followed  care 
fully,  I  hardly  think  that  you  would  need  such 
a  personage.  A  woman  can  be  perfectly 
trained  to  valet  a  man.  Your  general  servant 
can  also,  and  is  required  to  fill  this  position. 
If  you  live  at  a  club  the  club  valet  will  attend 
to  your  clothes,  and  perform  the  duties  of  a 
private  servant.  There  are  "valeting  compa 
nies"  organized  in  many  large  cities,  which 
take  entire  charge  of  your  wardrobe,  and  again 
there  are  valets  who  are  -hired  by  several  men 
clubbing  together,  and  who  are  very  capable 


31  Sacljclor'g  Servants.  99 

servants.  The  individual  valet,  however,  is 
a  very  valuable  aid  to  a  young  bachelor  of 
wealth,  especially  if  he  is  a  man  of  leisure, 
or  if  he  goes  out  a  great  deal  in  society.  A 
valet's  duties  are  first  and  principally  the  en 
tire  charge  of  his  master's  wardrobe  and  toilet, 
the  details  of  which  have  been  given  in  previ 
ous  chapters.  They  begin  an  hour  or  so  be 
fore  the  master  rises,  when  clothes  are  to  be 
pressed  and  put  in  order,  boots  and  shoes  to  be 
polished  and  placed  on  their  trees,  and  the  cos 
tume  of  the  day  to  be  made  ready-  If  possible, 
a  small  room  is  provided  for  him  as  his  work 
shop. 

At  the  hour  for  rising,  the  valet  enters  his 
master's  room  very  quietly,  and,  if  he  is  awake, 
pulls  up  the  shades  and  lets  in  the  daylight. 
The  bath  is  then  prepared,  and  while  that  is 
being  taken  the  newspapers,  mail,  and  break 
fast  tray  are  brought  in,  and  the  valet  waits  for 
orders.  Some  men  require  their  valets  to  shave 
them,  but  the  majority  simply  intrust  the  care 
of  their  razors  to  them,  preferring  to  perform 
that  operation  themselves.  The  valet  assists 
his  master  in  dressing,  and,  when  the  toilet  is 
finished,  ties  or  buttons  the  boots,  arranges  the 
spats,  and  gives  a  final  brush  to  the  clothes. 
He  then  fetches  the  stick,  gloves,  and  hat. 


Complete  Bachelor. 


During  the  day  he  may  be  employed  on  er 
rands,  in  answering  tradespeople,  in  paying 
bills,  or  in  any  minor  occupations  of  that  kind. 
A  first-class  servant  of  this  character  should 
not  only  be  steward  but  secretary.  When 
writing  letters  for  his  master  he  should  write 
them  in  the  third  person,  and  also  sign  them 
"Respectfully  yours,  JOHN  SMITH,  valet." 

A  valet  is  told  of  the  engagements  of  the 
day,  and  has  the  clothes  arranged  accordingly, 
and  he  must  be  at  his  post.  In  the  evening 
the  dress  suit  is  laid  out,  with  choice  of  ties 
and  two  coats,  the  formal  and  informal,  or 
Tuxedo.  A  valet  must  be  at  the  rooms  when 
his  master  retires.  In  traveling  he  takes  care 
of  the  luggage,  tickets,  and  all  the  little  annoy 
ing  details.  He  travels  second  class  abroad, 
and  in  this  country  he  should  never  be  allowed 
to  be  a  passenger  in  a  drawing-room  car  with 
his  master.  The  valet  wears  no  livery.  He 
dresses  quietly  in  a  plain  sack  suit  of  dark  ma 
terial,  and  wears  a  Derby  hat.  Should  he  be 
required  to  wait  on  table,  he  dresses  in  semi- 
livery  if  the  affair  is  a  luncheon,  and  in  evening 
dress  if  it  is  a  dinner. 

The  butler  is  a  very  rare  functionary  in  a 
bachelor's  establishment,  only  the  wealthiest 
being  able  to  afford  him.  The  valet  or  gen- 


31  Bachelor's  Seroants.  101 

eral  servant  acts  as  butler,  and  when  in  this 
position  he  should  always  have  a  black  coat 
on  when  answering  the  bell. 

I  have  used  the  terms  throughout  this  chap 
ter  of  "master"  and  "servant."  Employer 
and  employee  are  correct  only  when  the  rela 
tions  between  the  two  persons  are  not  of  a 
domestic  character. 

The  most  fashionable  and  efficient  men- 
servants  are  of  English,  Scotch,  or  Irish  birth 
or  descent.  Japanese  make  excellent  valets. 
Colored  coachmen  and  grooms  are  not  the 
vogue  in  New  York  or  vicinity,  but  they  are 
seen  in  the  South.  Very  wealthy  bachelors 
have  introduced  a  fad  for  East  Indian  servants, 
but  at  present  only  a  few  of  these  have  been 
employed,  and  those  at  Newport. 


CHAPTER   XII. 

THE   DANCE. 

THIS  is  certainly  a  most  important  subject, 
and  one  which  can  not  be  lightly  treated.  I 
have  thought  it  better  to  use  exclusively  the 
New  York  forms,  which  differ  somewhat  from 
the  English,  the  French,  and  continental,  as 
well  as  from  a  certain  code  of  etiquette  pre 
vailing  in  other  American  cities. 

I  shall  therefore,  as  we  have  no  State  balls 
or  ceremonials  of  that  character,  consider 
public  assemblages,  a  few  of  which  are 
patronized  by  society  in  New  York  and  else 
where. 

Of  absolutely  public  balls  the  only  one 
which  society  attends  is  the  Charity.  In  New 
York  this  has  fallen  somewhat  in  fashionable 
popularity,  although  efforts  are  being  made  to 
revive  it.  In  Chicago  and  in  other  cities  it  is 
still  a  very  fashionable  function.  It  is  there 

well     patronized    and    is    considered    smart. 
102 


2TI)e  Dance.  103 

Tickets  to  the  Charity  are  sold  by  a  number  of 
lady  patronesses,  and  you  are  apt  to  receive 
one  or  several  from  some  of  them,  if  you  are  a 
rich  young  man,  with  a  request  to  purchase. 
If  the  note  states  that  you  are  expected  to  be 
a  guest  you  are  simply  to  answer  it,  as  you 
would  any  other  invitation,  and  certainly  not 
to  inclose  any  money.  Patronesses  frequently 
are  named  because  it  is  expected  that  they  will 
purchase  quite  a  number  of  tickets.  And  here 
let  me  give  a  useful  hint.  In  sending  money 
to  this  and  for  charitable  entertainments  in 
general,  always  do  it  by  check;  never  inclose 
bills.  If  you  must  use  cash,  keep  it  for  your 
small  tradespeople. 

Everything  may  be  said  to  have  its  price  at 
a  Charity  Ball.  Supper  is  sometimes  included 
with  the  ticket.  The  repast  is  usually  rather 
poor,  but  then  you  must  remember  it  is  for 
charity.  Perhaps  you  will  be  asked  some  time 
in  advance  by  the  patronesses  to  be  one  in  the 
"grand  march."  The  "grand  march"  proper 
is  a  form  of  exhibition  long  since  relegated  to 
balls  of  the  "  Tough  Boys'  Coterie  "  and  other 
assemblages  of  the  same  class.  But  it  has  sur 
vived,  in  place  of  a  lancers  or  quadrille  of 
honor,  at  the  Charity  Ball,  and  we  have  either 
to  go  through  with  it  or  watch  it  from  the  boxes 


104  ®he  Complete  Stub  dor. 

with  Christian  patience.  If  you  are  to  take 
part,  I  would  advise  you  to  present  yourself  at 
the  hall  or  opera  house  about  nine  o'clock. 
The  floor  manager  will  do  the  rest.  You  are 
to  offer  your  left  arm  to  the  lady  you  are  tak 
ing  out,  and  you  march  around  the  place  in 
regular  line,  sometimes  once,  sometimes  twice, 
and  the  agony  is  over.  The  company  assem 
bled  does  not  join  in  this  ceremony,  and  the 
formation  of  figures  and  countermarches  is  an 
affair  in  vogue  at  balls  of  a  different  class, 
which  I  should  imagine  none  of  my  readers 
would  patronize  or  even  "hear  tell  of,"  except 
through  the  newspapers. 

The  Inauguration  Ball  in  Washington,  as 
well  as  the  New  Years'  receptions  at  the  dif 
ferent  embassies'  and  secretaries'  houses,  are 
public  functions  to  which  the  populace  get  ad 
mittance.  They  are  crushes  of  the  worst  de 
scription,  and  at  many  of  them  refreshments 
are  served.  Except  to  make  an  obeisance  to 
your  distinguished  host  and  hostess — if  to  the 
President,  shaking  hands  with  him — no  other 
ceremony  is  needed. 

At  Newport  and  at  other  watering  places 
there  are  during  the  season  semipublic  dances 
at  the  Casino.  Any  one  who  subscribes  to  that 
place  of  amusement  is  entitled  to  all  the  social 


105 


privileges.     The  tickets  can  be  obtained  from 
the  secretary  or  his  agent. 

In  every  city  there  is  an  assembly  or  dan 
cing  organization  on  the  lines  of  the  Patriarchs 
and  Matriarchs  in  New  York.  This  is  in  itself 
not  original  with  the  "Four  Hundred"  —  vul 
gar  term  !  —  but  was  copied  from  the  St.  Cecilia, 
the  most  exclusive  affair  of  the  kind  in  aristo 
cratic  Charleston,  where  it  has  existed  since 
the  days  of  the  Revolution.  The  assemblies 
proper  in  New  York  are  called  the  Matriarchs. 
The  arrangements  are  in  the  hands  of  a  num 
ber  of  fashionable  women  instead  of  men. 
The  plan  of  all  these  organizations  is  practical 
ly  the  same.  In  order  to  make  matters  easy 
and  to  pilot  my  reader  through  the  intricacies 
of  a  fashionable  ball,  I  will  suppose  that  he  is 
a  stranger  in  New  York,  with  some  smart 
friends,  and  that  he  is  going  either  to  the  Pa 
triarchs'  or  to  the  Assembly.  The  rules  laid 
down  will  hold  good  for  other  cities.  Your 
first  intimation  may  be  while  visiting  at  the 
house  of  one  of  the  patrons  or  patronesses, 
when  your  hostess  or  host  may  ask  you  if  you 
would  like  to  go  to  the  Assembly  or  the  Pa 
triarchs'.  If  you  have  no  other  engagement  for 
that  evening  —  and  I  think  it  would  be  policy 
for  you  to  make  others  subservient  to  this  — 


io6  (Jl)e  (Complete  J8ad)clor. 

you  should  reply  that  you  would  be  delighted 
to  do  so.  Your  host  or  hostess  will  then  say 
that  he  or  she  will  send  you  a  ticket.  This 
may  be  one  way,  or  you  may  receive  a  note 
asking  if  you  are  free  for  that  particular  date, 
whether  "  would  you  like  to  go  to  the  Assem 
bly  ?"  etc.,  or  again,  you  might  simply  receive 
a  note  with  a  ticket.  In  any  one  of  these 
cases,  just  as  soon  as  you  receive  the  ticket 
you  must  answer  your  correspondent  imme 
diately,  accepting,  or,  if  you  can  not  go,  re 
gretting  and  returning  it.  You  must  remem 
ber  that  all  tickets  are  personal  and  each 
Patriarch  or  each  patroness  has  only  a  certain 
number. 

I  would,  if  there  were  time  between  the 
date  for  the  ball  and  the  reception  of  your 
ticket,  call  or  leave  cards  personally  on  your 
hostess  or  host  for  the  evening,  according  to 
rules  in  a  former  chapter.  1  do  not  believe 
this  is  considered  necessary  in  New  York,  and 
perhaps  some  people  would  think  you  were 
straining  a  point,  but  New  York  "society" 
manners  to-day  are  not  all  that  could  be  de 
sired. 

The  evening  arrives.  Balls  and  dances  are 
theoretically  supposed  to  begin  at  ten  o'clock. 
You  can  safely  go  a  little  after  eleven.  You 


Dance.  107 


will  be  early  enough.  Your  ticket  is  re 
ceived,  your  hat  and  coat  removed,  your 
hat  check  given,  and  you  proceed  to  the 
ballroom. 

It  is  almost  needless  for  me  to  tell  you  how 
to  dress  for  this  occasion.  At  dances  of  any 
kind,  formal  evening  dress  is  required. 

On  entering  the  room,  if  it  is  at  the  Assem 
bly,  you  will  encounter  a  line  of  patronesses. 
You  should  make  a  low,  sweeping  bow  to 
them  and,  if  convenient,  speak  to  your  hostess, 
be  it  only  a  few  words  of  greeting.  If  not  at 
that  time,  select  a  later  hour  in  the  evening. 
No  one  shakes  hands. 

You  look  around  to  find  your  friends  and 
acquaintances.  At  the  Patriarchs'  the  chaper 
ons  sit  upon  a  raised  platform,  or  dais,  I  might 
call  it,  all  together.  Their  charges,  once  away 
from  them,  are  around  the  rooms.  In  nearly 
all  the  cities,  except  New  York,  every  guest  is 
provided  with  a  dancing  card,  which  makes 
the  keeping  of  dancing  engagements  a  part  of 
the  festivity.  New  York  is  too  large  for  such 
things,  and  dancing  cards  have  been  relegated 
to  the  realms  of  innocuous  desuetude.  How 
ever,  if  you  are  at  a  ball  or  a  dance  in  another 
city  where  they  are  used,  your  first  duty  would 
be  to  have  your  engagements  filled.  You 


io8  fEfye  (Complete  Bachelor. 

should  remain  with  your  partner  after  each 
dance  until  her  next  cavalier  appears. 

New  Yorkers  are  sensible,  if  only  for  this 
reason,  for  having  banished  the  dance  card.  It 
is  hard  for  a  man  to  tell  a  woman  he  must 
leave  her,  but  I  think  it  is  better  by  far  to  do 
so  than  to  appear  rude  to  your  succeeding 
partner.  A  woman  who  has  so  little  regard 
for  you  and  such  selfish  consideration  for  her 
self  does  not  deserve  to  be  handled  with  gloves. 
And  yet  it  needs  a  heroic  soul  to  abandon  her 
in  a  crowded  ballroom,  even  if  it  is  to  lead  her 
back  to  her  chaperon. 

In  New  York  everything  is  simplified. 
There  exist  no  such  social  complications. 
Everybody  is  more  or  less  grouped  together, 
and  you  generally  know  in  which  part  of  the 
room  you  are  to  find  your  friends.  You  ex 
change  greetings  with  the  women  you  know, 
and  if  you  wish  to  ask  one  of  them  to  dance, 
you  say,  "May  I  have  the  pleasure  of  this 
turn  with  you?"  or  "Can  I  have  a  turn 
with  you?"  It  is  absolutely  impossible  to 
keep  dance  engagements,  and  you  are  obliged, 
perhaps,  to  snatch  a  dance  whenever  you 
can  get  it.  After  your  turn  you  must  al 
ways  manage  to  stop  at  about  the  point  where 
you  began.  You  will  be  sure  to  find  your 


Dance.  109 


partner's  chaperon  just  at  that  place.  There 
are  two  reasons  for  this  —  one  is  that  the  man 
with  whom  your  partner  has  engaged  weeks, 
if  not  months,  before  (one  has  to  do  this  in  New 
York)  to  dance  the  cotillon  has  reserved  his 
chairs  there,  and  she  has  told  many  of  her 
friends  just  about  in  which  part  of  the  ball 
room  she  may  be  found  ;  and  another  is  that 
New  York  women,  under  all  circumstances, 
keep  a  distinctive  place  in  a  ballroom. 

A  gentleman  never  dances  without  gloves. 
He  always  puts  them  on  before  entering  the 
ballroom.  A  man  should  dance  easily  and 
gracefully,  and  look  as  if  he  were  enjoying  him 
self.  He  should  be  careful  about  guiding  and 
not  running  into  people.  Swinging  the  hands 
is  vulgar  and  unsightly.  The  waltz  seems  to 
survive  all  other  forms  of  dancing,  but  there  is 
every  now  and  then  a  revival  of  the  polka. 
Two  steps  and  fancy  dances  are  the  vogue  at 
summer  hotels,  but  not  at  smart  functions. 

The  quadrille  of  to-day  is  the  simple  lancers, 
and  some  years  ago  it  was  a  silly  fad  to  pre 
tend  not  to  remember  the  figures.  A  little  life 
and  spirit  are  sometimes  introduced  in  the 
lancers  when  the  gathering  is  small,  and 
among  intimate  friends  there  is  more  or  less 
occasion  for  it.  The  barn  dance  has  gone  out 


no  ®!)e  Complete  Bachelor. 

of  fashion  entirely  in  America,  but  our  English 
cousins,  especially  those  living  in  the  country 
and  in  Suburbia,  are  very  fond  of  it.  Balls 
frequently  end  with  Sir  Roger  de  Coverley,  the 
English  form  of  the  Virginia  reel. 

About  two  o'clock  supper  is  announced,  and 
this  is  done  all  over  the  world,  I  believe,  by  the 
strains  of  the  Priests'  March  in  Norma.  So  it 
was  in  my  grandfather's  day,  and  so  it  is  to-day 
and  was  at  the  very  last  Patriarchs',  the  very 
last  Assembly,  and  the  very  last  large  ball  at 
Newport.  Engagements  for  supper  are  made 
in  New  York  weeks  or  even  months  before 
hand.  You  should  settle  this  with  your  part 
ner,  and  as  supper  is  served  at  tables  of  parties 
of  four  or  six,  an  agreeable  quartette  or  sextette 
can  be  secured.  Parties  are  never  less  than 
four,  and  a  girl  who  sups  alone  with  a  man, 
even  at  the  Patriarchs',  is  considered  very  fast, 
and  by  such  impudent  behavior  would  lose 
caste.  You  should  arrange  with  your  partner, 
therefore,  to  be  as  near  the  supper-room  door 
as  possible  about  the  supper  hour.  There  is 
always  a  rush  and  a  crush,  and  no  tables  are  re 
served  except  those  for  the  patronesses  or  the 
Patriarchs.  Two  of  the  party  should  get  in 
early  and  reserve  the  table  and  wait  until  the 
rest  arrive.  Ball  suppers  are  nearly  all  alike. 


Dance.  m 


Four  or  five  courses,  which  commence  with 
oysters,  are  followed  by  bouillon,  and  then  ter 
rapin  and  birds,  and  salad  and  ices,  fruit  and 
coffee.  Three  kinds  of  wine  are  served,  and 
champagne  forms  the  chief.  Many  matrons 
even  will  not  allow  their  daughters  to  go  to 
supper  without  being  chaperoned,  and  so  when 
you  ask  your  partner  she  will  sometimes  have 
her  parents  obtain  the  table.  Should  you  be 
asked  to  the  table  of  one  of  the  patronesses, 
you  will  have  a  partner  provided  for  you.  Re 
member  the  first  engagement  should  always  be 
kept,  and  if  a  patroness  should  honor  you  with 
such  an  invitation,  and  you  have  made  prior 
arrangements,  you  should  at  once  explain  by 
note  your  position,  which  will  be  a  sufficient 
excuse  to  your  would-be  hostess. 

After  supper  the  cotillon,  or  German,  as  it 
is  sometimes  called,  is  danced. 


CHAPTER   XIII. 

THE   COTILLON. 

AT  large  balls,  like  the  Patriarchs',  there  is 
hardly  time  for  more  than  two  or  three  figures 
and  one  favor  figure.  It  is  almost  useless  for 
me  to  go  into  the  history  of  the  cotillon,  and  I 
do  not  believe  that  it  would  be  of  any  serv 
ice  to  my  readers.  We  imported  it  from 
France  about  the  same  time  as  the  English, 
and  it  owes  its  origin,  I  believe,  to  Germany. 
For  the  past  thirty  years  it  has  been  a  favorite 
form  of  dance.  It  is  picturesque  and  amusing, 
and,  besides,  gives  the  opportunity  for  the  ex 
change  among  the  dancers  of  pretty  trifles  pro 
vided  by  the  generosity  of  the  host.  At  large 
semipublic  balls  like  the  Patriarchs'  (I  use 
"semipublic"  simply  because  given  by  a 
number  and  not  in  a  private  house)  the  favors 
are  very  simple,  but  at  special  cotillons  or  at 
those  danced  at  private  houses  they  are  ex 
tremely  elaborate  and  costly. 
112 


(Eoiilion.  113 


Cotillon  seats  are  generally  secured  in  the 
early  part  of  the  evening  by  tying  handker 
chiefs  to  the  backs  of  the  chairs.  At  the  Patri 
archs'  and  other  large  balls  they  can  be  secured 
by  arrangement  with  one  of  the  stewards,  as 
each  Patriarch  has  so  many  reserved  for  him, 
and  the  man  invited  by  one  of  them  can  obtain 
permission  and  ask  for  two  of  his  host's  seats. 
But  this  is  not  usual,  and  is  known  as  a  "little 
trick  of  the  trade." 

To  be  a  successful  leader  of  cotillons  it  re 
quires  the  skill  and  the  tact  of  a  general — I 
might  almost  say  of  a  Napoleon  Bonaparte. 
One's  talents  should  not  be  altogether  in  one's 
heels  and  one's  toes.  The  leader  must  be  an 
excellent  dancer  and  a  firm  disciplinarian.  He 
must  see  that  the  wall  flowers  have  an  occa 
sional  turn,  and  that  every  one  gets  at  least  one 
favor.  As  he  has  to  marshal  a  large  force  of 
people  he  is  bound  to  find  among  them — of 
course  in  the  orthodox  society  manner — a  few 
turbulent  spirits,  a  few  who  would  mutiny, 
and  who  must  be  taught  their  places  in  a  con 
ciliatory  but  positive  manner. 

The  cotillon  in  New  York  is  generally  danced 
after  supper.  It  lasts  about  two  hours.  At 
large  balls  two  figures  are  all  that  can  be  danced, 
owing  to  the  number  of  guests.  Sometimes  it 


Complete  Bachelor. 


is  led  by  two  couples.  A  leader  frequently 
dances  stag  —  that  is,  without  a  partner.  All 
men  dancing  without  partners  are  called  stags. 
These  usually  have  their  place  by  the  door  and 
are  given  their  turn  last.  The  leader  must  an 
nounce  after  supper  the  time  for  the  cotillon  to 
begin.  He  must  see  that  the  partners  are  all 
in  their  places.  The  favor  table  is  generally 
placed  at  the  end  of  the  room  opposite  the 
doors,  but  this  depends  on  the  shape  and  the 
style  of  the  apartment. 

Formerly  a  cotillon  leader  used  a  whistle 
for  the  different  figures;  to-day,  however,  he 
simply  claps  his  hands  to  denote  the  changes. 

It  is  almost  unnecessary  here  to  illustrate 
the  form  of  the  cotillon.  It  consists  in  waltzes 
and  sometimes  polkas,  danced  by  eight,  ten, 
or  twelve  couples  at  a  time.  The  couples  are 
seated  in  chairs  around  the  room,  the  men  with 
out  partners  known  as  the  stags  being  near  the 
door.  The  leader  begins  the  first  figure,  which 
is  usually  the  simplest  one,  by  "taking  out" 
or  choosing  a  partner  and  motioning  the  first 
four,  six,  or  eight  couples  with  places  nearest 
him  on  one  or  both  sides  of  the  room  to  rise. 
All  waltz.  After  a  turn  around  the  room  the 
leader  stops  and  claps  his  hands.  The  partners 
all  separate,  and  each  of  them  goes  and  chooses 


Cotillon.  115 


a  new  one — the  man  a  new  woman,  the  wo 
man  who  was  his  partner  a  new  man.  The 
figure  is  then  arranged  and  danced.  After  the 
evolution  required  by  the  figure  is  finished 
there  is  another  short  waltz,  and  the  dancers 
return  to  their  places.  The  leader  then  calls 
out  the  next  party,  and  this  is  repeated  until 
every  one  in  the  room  has  had  a  turn.  The 
stags  are  called  out  last.  Having  no  partners 
to  dance  with,  each  has  the  privilege  of  taking 
out  two  ladies — the  first  before  the  figure  is 
formed,  and  the  second  when  the  change  of 
partners  is  signalled  by  the  leader.  The  leader 
directs  the  figures  and  dances  all  the  time. 

Every  second  figure  is  one  for  the  distribu 
tion  of  favors.  The  same  procedure  occurs, 
and  when  the  leader  claps  his  hands  the  dan 
cers  separate,  waiting  for  the  favors  to  be  dis 
tributed.  The  latest  custom  is  for  the  leader 
and  his  partner  to  carry  around  the  favors,  to 
the  couples  whose  turn  comes  next.  He  gives 
to  the  ladies,  she  to  the  men.  The  scramble 
at  the  favor  table  has  been  abolished.  The  men 
present  their  favors  to  the  new  partners  whom 
they  select,  and  the  women  do  likewise.  It  is 
very  embarrassing  and  not  good  form  to  give 
your  favor  to  the  partner  with  whom  you  are 
dancing  the  cotillon.  Favors  must  be  sufficient 


i£|)c  Complete  Bachelor. 


in  quantity  not  only  to  go  once  all  around,  but 
there  should  be  some  left  over,  as  the  advent  of 
the  stags  gives  the  ladies  a  double  chance  to  be 
stow  favors  upon  men.  The  most  graceful  way 
ofoffering  a  favor  is  to  present  it  with  a  little  bow. 
Try  and  locate  the  places  where  your  friends 
are  sitting.  It  is  certainly  rude,  if  not  tantalix- 
ing,  to  search  through  a  long  row  of  girls 
dangling  a  favor.  It  is  not  difficult  in  the  fig 
ures  to  become  well  acquainted  with  the  local 
geography.  Matrons  are  asked  frequently  to 
preside  at  the  favor  tables,  but  recently  some 
of  the  floral  trifles  are  brought  in  arranged  in  a 
sedan  chair  of  flowers,  at  which  two  powdered 
lackeys  are  stationed,  like  the  linkboys  of  old. 
Originality,  however,  has  not  been  rampant  in 
cotillons.  Favor  figures  are  the  most  popular. 
The  woman  who  brings  the  greatest  number 
of  favors  from  a  cotillon  scores  an  undoubted 
triumph.  She  comes  from  the  ballroom  flushed 
and  delighted,  carrying  with  her  the  trophies 
of  her  victory,  which  she  is  pleased  to  call  her 
"scalps."  Social  obligations  are  often  paid  off 
by  men  in  this  way. 

Of  the  few  cotillon  figures  danced  in  New 
York  society,  the  grand  chain  is  the  most 
popular  and  the  simplest.  The  number  of 
couples  called  by  the  leader  form  themselves 


®l)c  (Cotillon.  117 


in  a  ring  around  the  room.  At  his  signal  they 
face  each  other  and  dance  the  right  and  left 
grand  chain,  the  men  to  the  right  and  the 
women  to  the  left,  until  the  original  parties  are 
brought  together,  when  all  waltz. 

The  Sir  Roger  de  Cover/ey  figure  is  formed 
in  lines  of  four  abreast,  the  men  standing  to 
gether  on  the  inside,  and  the  women  next 
to  their  partners  on  the  outside  of  the  line. 
When  the  leader  signals,  the  women  advance 
quickly,  one  after  the  other,  to  the  head  of  the 
line.  The  men  then  join  hands,  forming  an 
arch,  as  in  Sir  Roger  de  Coverley ;  the  women, 
passing  under  two  by  two,  meeting  their  part 
ners,  waltz  with  them. 

In  the  snake  figure — one  which  is  very  sel 
dom  danced — quite  a  large  number  of  couples 
are  called,  who  form  a  ring  around  the  room. 
The  leader,  taking  the  hand  of  one  of  the  men, 
breaks  the  chain,  and  the  couples  are  wound 
around  until  they  come  together  in  a  knot, 
when  the  signal  is  given  to  them  to  waltz. 
The  wheel  figure  is  somewhat  similar,  and  is 
quite  a  romp. 

In  the  ring  figure  another  evolution  is  bor 
rowed  from  the  lancers.  Rings  of  four  couples 
form  through  the  room.  The  men  raise  their 
arms  and  the  women  pass  through,  dancing 


n8  ®l)e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

with  the  men  in  the  next  ring,  and  so  on,  until 
they  get  to  the  top  of  the  room,  the  men  re 
maining  stationary.  Then  a  grand  march, 
men  to  the  left,  ladies  to  the  right,  is  formed, 
and  the  partners  meet  and  dance. 

The  Maypole  and  all  complicated  figures 
which  require  the  use  of  toys  or  papier-mache 
articles  are  not  in  vogue  in  New  York.  In 
Paris  these  trifles,  such  as  vegetables  and  heads 
of  animals  and  other  gewgaws,  pass  for  favors, 
as  well  as  to  lend  a  variety  to  the  cotillon.  In 
New  York  very  handsome  souvenirs  have  su 
perseded  these. 

Frequently  in  large  cotillons  in  New  York 
the  blank  or  nonfavor  figures  are  danced  only 
once  without  change  of  partners,  as  in  the 
snake  or  grand  chain;  otherwise  the  cotillon 
would  be  interminable.  The  leader  calls  out  a 
number  of  couples  and  goes  through  the  figure 
at  once,  the  original  partners  dancing  all  the 
time  with  each  other.  I  have  given  both  forms, 
and  although  the  first  explanation  may  seem  to 
those  who  go  out  every  year  antiquated,  it  is 
still  the  vogue  for  small  and  consequently  en 
joyable  cotillons. 


CHAPTER   XIV. 

A   BACHELOR'S    LETTERS. 

LETTER  writing  is  an  art,  and  there  is  no 
pleasure  equal  to  that  of  receiving  and  reading 
a  chatty  and  well-worded  epistle  from  some 
dear  friend.  I  have  some  packets  of  letters 
preserved  to-day  that  I  read  and  reread.  They 
are  always  fresh  and  interesting  to  me.  They 
are  a  complete  index  to  the  character  of  the 
writer,  and  they  serve,  after  long  years  have 
passed,  to  bring  up  again  delightful  pictures  of 
days  and  scenes  which  were  brighter.  How 
ever,  there  is  one  rule  a  man  must  observe: 
never  keep  a  compromising  letter — if  you 
should  receive  one — especially  from  a  woman. 
Sometimes  women  are  foolish  and  careless, 
and  they  allow  their  pens  to  run  away  with 
them.  They  bitterly  regret  their  folly,  and  the 
very  idea  that  there  exists  somewhere  a  packet 
of  letters  which  would  bring  serious  trouble, 
if  not  ruin,  upon  them  and  those  they  love,  is 


119 


120  ®l)e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

a  cause  of  constant  grief  and  worry.  I  know 
that  there  are  letters  written  by  one  once  dear, 
but  now  perhaps  turned  fickle  or  false,  or  sepa 
rated  from  us  forever,  from  which  we  feel  loath 
to  part;  but  we  must  be  men  and  reduce  to 
ashes  what  would  hurt  in  the  very  least  de 
gree  or  cast  a  reflection  upon  an  innocent  if 
silly  woman.  Suppose  you  were  to  die  sud 
denly,  and  among  your  papers  these  letters 
were  found,  with  you  alone,  dumb  in  death, 
perhaps,  only  able  to  vindicate  the  unfortunate 
writer.  We  must  think  of  those  things.  They 
belong  to  the  personnel  not  only  of  a  true  gen 
tleman,  but  they  appeal  to  our  common  sense. 

Character  is  frequently  judged  by  handwrit 
ing.  Write  a  good,  clear,  legible  hand,  with 
out  any  flourishes,  and  always  use  the  best 
and  the  blackest  of  ink.  The  typewriter  is 
employed  only  for  business  correspondence. 

For  social  correspondence  use  only  Irish-linen 
white  note  paper,  unruled,  with  square  envel 
opes  to  match.  Fancy  or  tinted  note  paper  of 
any  kind  is  vulgar.  If  you  have  a  permanent 
residence  your  address  can  be  legibly  engraved 
in  one  color,  usually  blue  or  scarlet,  at  the  head 
of  the  first  sheet.  If  you  are  a  member  of  a 
club,  the  club  note  paper  is  proper  for  all  social 
correspondence.  If  you  want  to,  use  your  crest 


Bachelor's  Ccttcrs.  121 


in  lieu  of  address,  but  this  practice  is  somewhat 
strained  in  this  country.  Always  add  the  date 
in  writing.  In  letters,  the  day,  the  month,  and 
the  year  should  be  written.  In  notes  you  only 
put  the  day  —  for  instance,  "Saturday  the 
twenty-second."  The  best  signature  is  "Sin 
cerely  yours,"  and  not  "Yours  sincerely."  In 
England  the  quaint  "  Faithfully  yours"  is  used 
for  business  correspondence.  Tradespeople 
and  servants  only  sign  "  Respectfully  yours." 

In  America  we  "esquire"  all  men  who  are 
our  equals.  A  butcher,  a  baker,  a  tailor  or 
other  person,  when  we  order  supplies,  we  ad 
dress  as  "Mr."  The  abbreviation  "Esq. "is 
the  usual  form.  In  England  you  would  write 
to  a  duke  and  address  the  letter  "The  Duke 
of  Buckingham";  to  a  knight,  "Sir  Thomas 
Appleby";  to  an  earl  or  a  marquis,  "Lord 
DurTerin" — that  is,  supposing  the  letter  would 
be  a  social  one. 

In  writing  to  a  friend  or  in  answer  to  an 
invitation  or  a  note,  you  would  begin,  "My 
dear  Mrs.  Brown,"  "My  dear  Mr.  Brown."  or 
even  "My  dear  Brown,"  but  never  "Dear 
Miss  Brown,"  "Dear  Mrs.  Brown,"  or  "Dear 
Brown,"  unless  you  were  on  terms  of  great 
intimacy  with  them.  But  if  the  letter  is  a 
strictly  business  one,  and  the  term  "Sir"  or 
9 


122  (£|]c  Complete  8acl)d0r. 


"Sirs  "  is  used,  then  you  would  be  obliged  to 
drop  the  possessive  pronoun.  A  very  formal 
or  a  business  letter  would  begin  thus: 

John  Smith,  Esq., 

*  22  Pacific  Avenue,  Brooklyn,  N.  Y. 
Dear  Sir  : 

and  not  "  My  dear  Sir." 

A  business  letter  to  a  woman  demands, 
however,  the  possessive  "My,"  thus:  "My 
dear  Madam." 

To  a  firm,  one  writes: 

Messrs.  John  Smith  Or  Co., 
Dear  Sirs  : 

and  never  "Gentlemen"  —  a  most  ridiculous 
form  of  address. 

The  clergy  are  addressed  "Reverend  and 
dear  Sir."  A  bishop  is  "Right  Reverend  and 
dear  Sir,"  and  an  archbishop  "Most  Reverend 
and  dear  Sir."  In  this  republican  country  all 
other  dignitaries  can  be  addressed  as  "Dear 
Sir." 

Formal  invitations  are  written  in  the  third 
person,  also  letters  addressed  to  tradespeople. 

The  address  on  a  letter  should  be  written 
about  the  middle  of  the  envelope,  the  street 
and  number  a  little  to  the  right,  and  the  name 


31  Bachelor's  Ccttcrs.  123 

of  the  city  and  State  in  the  corner.  All  notes 
or  letters  to  people  in  the  same  city  should 
be  directed  simply  with  the  post-office  name 
without  the  State,  unless  it  is  a  very  small 
town,  or  it  bears  a  name  such  as  Augusta  or 
Columbus,  of  which  there  are  more  than  one 
in  the  United  States.  Thus: 

Mrs.  John  Brown, 

*  227  Euclid  Avenue, 

Cleveland. 

The  stamp  should  be  placed  neatly  in  the 
right-hand  corner.  The  mail  to-day  is  almost 
the  quickest  means  of  delivery,  and  a  special 
ten-cent  stamp  will  insure,  in  a  large  city,  a 
more  prompt  reception  of  your  epistle  than  if 
you  intrusted  it  to  the  tender  mercies  of  a  mes 
senger  boy. 

Your  paper  should  fold  once  in  the  middle. 
There  is  nothing  so  awkward  or  so  apt  to  give 
a  bad  impression  as  a  letter  improperly  folded. 
It  is  bulky  and  unsightly.  Private  letters  should 
always  be  sealed  with  wax,  in  color  dark  green 
or  red.  Black  is  used  for  mourning.  In  sealing 
a  letter  be  careful  to  make  a  neat  effect,  and 
not  to  smear  the  wax  all  over  the  envelope. 
The  seal  is  then  stamped  with  your  mono 
gram,  or,  if  you  insist  upon  it,  with  your  crest, 


124  ®lie  Complete  Bachelor. 

but  never  with  your  coat  of  arms.  For  the 
purpose  of  sealing  letters  men  use  their  seal 
rings  or  a  little  stamp  which  can  be  obtained 
at  any  silversmith's.  When  writing  from  the 
club  you  can  use  the  club  stamp.  Business 
letters  are  moistened  and  gummed,  a  little 
damp  sponge  being  used  for  this  purpose.  To 
moisten  envelopes  with  the  tongue  is  nasty. 

Letters  written  on  hotel  or  business  paper 
should  be  confined  to  the  commercial  world. 
Your  friends  and  acquaintances  should  not  re 
ceive  them.  Sometimes,  when  writing  from 
a  very  interesting  place  to  a  very  intimate  friend 
or  to  relatives,  hotel  paper  may  be  used,  as  you 
would  like  your  correspondent  to  see  a  picture 
of  the  house  at  which  you  are  stopping. 

Every  gentleman  should,  however,  carry 
in  his  portmanteau  a  flat  portfolio  with  writ 
ing  materials  and  a  traveling  inkstand. 

Your  personal  correspondence  should  be  a 
reflection  of  yourself.  Be  pithy,  bright,  and 
witty.  Give  the  news  and  innocent  gossip, 
but  beware  of  making  statements  in  letters 
which  you  can  not  substantiate.  Above  all, 
think  twice  before  you  pen  a  harsh  or  an  un 
kind  word,  even  if  a  reproof  be  merited. 

In  business  letters  be  brief  and  to  the  point. 

There  are  two  kinds  of  letters  which  some- 


21  Bachelor's  Cclters.  125 

times  puzzle  the  writer — letters  of  condolence 
and  letters  of  congratulation.  A  letter  of  con 
dolence — as  will  be  explained  in  the  chapter 
on  Funerals — is  due  from  you  at  the  death  of  a 
near  or  dear  friend  to  the  relative  or  relatives — 
if  you  feel  that  you  know  them  all  well  enough 
to  address  more  than  one  epistle  of  sympathy — 
nearest  and  dearest  to  the  deceased.  Usually 
one  letter  is  sufficient,  but  sometimes  it  may 
occur  that  you  feel  that  you  should  also  write 
to  others.  Make  it  as  natural  as  possible. 
Avoid  all  stilted  phrases  and  studied  efforts  at 
consolation.  A  few  words  is  all  that  is  neces 
sary.  If  you  have  been  on  intimate  terms  with 
the  family  wire  them  your  sympathy,  and  write 
a  week  or  so  afterward. 

Letters  of  congratulation  are  much  easier  to 
compose.  On  the  occasion  of  the  announce 
ment  of  an  engagement  of  a  friend,  or  in  an 
swer  to  his  letter  announcing  the  happy  event, 
or  on  the  arrival  of  any  good  fortune  to  those 
of  whom  you  are  fond  or  for  whom  you  have 
a  high  regard,  a  letter  of  congratulation  is  nec 
essary  or  acceptable.  All  letters  announcing 
sad  or  joyous  news  should  receive  an  immedi 
ate  reply. 


CHAPTER   XV. 

THE   BACHELOR'S   CLUB. 

CLUB  life  in  America  is  a  growth  of  recent 
years.  It  is  now  so  firmly  established,  and  it 
is  so  popular  that  there  is  not  a  village  or  even 
a  settlement  in  the  United  States  which  has 
not  at  least  its  casino,  or  its  little  coterie  organ 
ized  for  golf,  tennis,  athletic,  or  merely  social 
enjoyment.  All  of  these,  from  the  great  met 
ropolitan  clubs  of  the  cities  down  to  the  very 
humblest  in  the  "  wilds,"  are  governed  by  club 
laws  and  are  regulated  by  club  etiquette.  In 
New  York,  now  a  city  of  clubs,  this  etiquette 
differs  much  from  that  observed  in  London, 
Paris,  or  any  of  the  large  continental  centers. 
In  London,  a  man  is  identified  with  his  club. 
He  rarely  belongs  to  more  than  one,  and  his 
membership  there  denotes  his  social  standing, 
his  pursuits  in  life,  and,  above  all,  his  politics. 
English  clubs  are  also  very  jealous  of  admittance 
of  strangers,  and  are  not  in  the  least  hospitable 

126 


Bachelor's  <£htb.  127 


to  the  foreigner.  There  are  exceptions  to  this 
among  the  literary,  theatrical,  and  Bohemian 
organizations,  but  the  Pall  Mall  clubs  are 
"closed."  In  New  York,  Boston,  Chicago, 
and  other  American  cities  there  are  organiza 
tions  which  insist  upon  certain  qualifications, 
such  as  being  a  university  man,  a  lawyer,  an 
author,  a  physician,  or  a  member  of  a  college 
fraternity,  for  admittance;  but  then  the  mem 
bers  also  belong  to  other  clubs,  where  their 
social  standing,  or  perhaps  the  extent  of  their 
bank  account,  is  their  passport. 

If  a  man  wishes  to  get  on  socially,  he 
should  belong  to  at  least  one  good  club.  It 
gives  him  his  standing  in  the  community,  and 
places  him.  He  is  no  longer  on  the  list  of  the 
unidentified. 

When  a  choice  is  made  of  a  club  which 
you  desire  to  join,  the  next  step  would  be  to 
have  two  members  in  good  standing  to  act 
as  your  sponsors  —  one  proposes  your  name 
and  the  other  seconds.  A  good  sponsor  is 
necessary,  and  you  should  choose  one  who 
has  many  friends  in  the  organization  of  which 
you  desire  to  become  a  member.  The  presi 
dent,  officers,  and  the  governing  committee 
are  debarred  from  either  proposing  or  second 
ing  a  name  for  membership.  The  term  of  a 


128  ®l)c  Complete  Bachelor. 

man's  novitiate  depends  upon  the  state  of  the 
waiting  list.  Your  proposer  will  notify  you 
when  your  name  will  be  reached,  as  he  him 
self  will  be  notified  in  writing  by  the  com 
mittee  on  membership.  The  rules  of  candi 
dacy  differ  in  various  clubs.  In  some,  the 
name  of  the  candidate  with  those  of  the  two 
members  proposing  him  is  exposed  in  a  con 
spicuous  place  where  the  entire  club  can  see  it. 
There  is  also  a  book  in  which  other  members 
sign  the  application,  and  the  number  of  signa 
tures,  of  course,  has  weight  with  the  gov 
ernors. 

Again,  the  name  is  inscribed  in  a  book  kept 
for  the  purpose  in  the  steward's  office,  and  it 
is  not  necessary  that  any  other  indorsement 
except  that  of  your  sponsors  be  made. 

Any  member  objecting  to  the  name  of  a 
candidate  has  two  methods  by  which  he  can 
make  known  his  objection.  One  is  to  write 
directly  to  the  governors,  or  to  the  committee 
on  admissions  and  membership,  whichever, 
according  to  the  laws  of  the  club,  has  the 
matter  in  hand.  Usually  it  is  the  governing 
committee  or  board  of  governors.  This  com 
munication  is  treated,  as  are  all  club  matters, 
with  the  secrecy  of  the  confessional.  Your 
sponsors  are  written  to  and  the  objections 


Bachelor's  Club.  129 


stated,  but  the  name  of  the  person  objecting  is 
withheld.  The  other  method  is,  if  any  one  has 
an  objection  to  your  admission,  that  he  should 
go  at  once  in  a  manly  way  to  one  of  your  spon 
sors  and  state  it.  It  is  a  rare  occurrence  in  a 
New  York  club  that  any  candidate  is  black 
balled.  The  warning  from  the  governing 
committee,  or  from  another  member  to  the 
sponsors,  is  a  word  to  the  wise,  and  the  men 
who  propose  you  should  immediately  with 
draw  your  name  to  avoid  a  disaster.  Other 
wise  a  very  great  risk  is  run,  as  objections 
which  have  any  foundation  have  great  weight 
with  the  governing  committee. 

In  the  clubs  where  the  names  of  the  candi 
dates  are  kept  only  in  a  small  book,  while  on 
the  waiting  list  they  are  posted  ten  days  before 
the  election  in  a  conspicuous  part  of  the  club 
house.  No  candidate  can  be  elected  to  a  club 
who  is  not  personally  known  to  two  or  more 
members  of  the  governing  committee.  A 
short  time  before  election,  if  the  candidate  has 
not  this  acquaintance,  it  is  the  duty  of  his 
sponsors  to  take  him  around  and  introduce 
him,  or  to  arrange  that  he  will  meet  these 
gentlemen  in  some  way;  otherwise  his  name 
will  go  over;  and  after  two  setbacks  of  this 
kind,  it  will  be  rejected. 


130  ®l|e  (Complete 


On  the  election  of  a  candidate  —  the  ballot 
ing  being  done  by  the  governing  committee  — 
the  sponsors  are  notified,  sometimes  by  post 
ing  and  otherwise  simply  by  letter.  The  sec 
retary  of  the  club  will  let  the  new  member  know 
immediately  of  his  election,  and  the  letter,  which 
is  usually  a  form,  will  also  notify  him  that  his 
admission  fee  and  yearly  dues  are  payable.  The 
admission  or  entrance  fee  to  a  club  is  from  one 
hundred  to  two  hundred  dollars  in  the  well- 
known  New  York  organizations,  and  the  yearly 
dues  are  from  seventy-five  to  one  hundred  dol 
lars.  These  must  be  paid  at  once  by  check. 
The  rules  of  most  clubs  allow  a  thirty-day 
limit.  If  you  are  so  fortunate  as  to  be  admitted 
after  the  date  of  the  yearly  meeting,  you  will 
only  be  liable  for  one  half  the  current  yearly 
dues;  otherwise  you  pay  the  entire  amount. 

It  is  now  the  duty  of  the  sponsors  to  intro 
duce  their  newly  elected  candidate  to  the  club. 
This  is  an  easy  matter.  One  of  them  will  go 
with  you,  sit  in  the  general  smoking  or  loung 
ing  room,  and  make  you  acquainted  with  one 
or  two  of  his  friends.  The  responsibility  is 
then  over. 

Club  etiquette  is  very  simple.  It  is  only  the 
application  of  the  usual  rules  of  courtesy  ob 
served  in  private  life.  The  club  is  your  home. 


Bachelor's  (Club.  131 


You  should  behave  there  as  you  would  in  your 
own  house  as  host,  and  consequently  your 
conduct  toward  your  fellow-members  should 
be  characterized  by  the  utmost  consideration. 

The  average  clubhouse  has  a  large  room 
on  the  ground  or  first  floor  which  is  used  for 
smoking,  reading,  the  newspapers,  and  "liv 
ing"  generally.  On  the  floors  above  there  are 
the  dining  rooms,  the  library,  and  reading  and 
card  rooms.  The  billiard  room  occupies  a 
special  quarter,  according  to  the  plan  of  the 
house. 

A  clever  man  said  that  there  was  but  one 
rule  of  clubhouse  etiquette  different  from  the 
general  laws  of  manners,  and  that  was  to  keep 
your  hat  on.  This  is  true,  but  then  there  are 
many  others.  Men  do  not  take  off  their  hats  on 
entering  a  club,  and  do  not  remove  them  in  any 
room  except  that  in  which  they  dine.  All  so 
cial  clubs  are  more  or  less  '  '  closed.  "  Visitors  are 
only  allowed  under  certain  restrictions.  The 
general  rule  is  that  a  member  may  invite  to  the 
use  of  the  club  for  a  period  of  ten  consecutive 
days  any  one  not  a  resident  of  the  city,  but  can 
have  no  more  than  one  guest  at  a  time.  No 
stranger  shall  be  introduced  a  second  time  un 
less  he  shall  have  been  absent  from  the  city 
three  months.  In  some  clubs  a  member  may 


i32  ®bc  (Complete  Bachelor. 

introduce  as  a  visitor  a  resident  of  the  city,  but 
he  can  have  no  more  than  one  such  guest  at  a 
time.  No  person  shall  be  introduced  more 
than  once  in  twelve  months.  Other  clubs  are 
open  to  the  admission  of  visitors  at  certain 
periods,  and  others  again  have  ladies'  days,  at 
which  a  reception  to  the  fair  friends  of  the 
members  is  given.  All  this  depends  on  the 
rules  of  the  club.  As  soon  as  you  are  made  a 
member  you  are  given  a  little  book  in  which 
these  are  contained,  and  you  should  study 
them  carefully.  The  name  of  a  guest  should 
be  entered  on  the  visitors'  book  with  that  ot 
his  host.  If  the  visitor  is  put  up  for  a  certain 
period  a  card  to  the  club  is  sent  him,  and  dur 
ing  his  stay  he  has  all  the  privileges  of  a  mem 
ber.  He  can  run  up  an  account,  but  he  should 
certainly  settle  it  before  his  term  expires,  other 
wise  his  host  will  be  held  responsible. 

A  clubman  never  pays  an  attendant  for  re 
freshment  or  food  served.  Gratuities  of  any 
kind  to  servants  are  forbidden.  When  refresh 
ment  is  required,  you  press  the  electric  bell,  of 
which  there  are  a  number  in  all  the  rooms,  and 
the  attendant  comes  to  you  for  your  order. 
When  he  brings  it  he  has  with  it  a  check  which 
you  sign.  These  checks  are,  of  course,  debited 
to  you,  and  you  receive  your  bill  once  a  month, 


Bachelor's  (Club.  133 


or  you  can  make  arrangements  to  pay  at  the 
steward's  or  cashier's  desk  daily. 

You  order  your  meals  in  the  same  manner, 
and  when  they  are  ready,  the  servant  will  noti 
fy  you. 

At  most  of  the  clubs  smoking  is  not  per 
mitted  in  the  dining  rooms  until  after  nine,  nor 
are  refreshments  allowed  to  be  served  in  the 
visitors'  room  or  library  at  any  time.  Books 
and  magazines  are  not  to  be  removed  from  the 
reading  room  or  library,  nor  any  publication 
belonging  to  the  club  from  the  clubhouse. 

There  is  still  a  prejudice  against  pipe  smok 
ing  in  many  of  the  clubs,  and  you  must  con 
sult  the  rules  before  you  attempt  this  practice. 
A  man  does  not  remove  his  coat  or  sit  in  his 
shirtsleeves  in  any  of  the  public  rooms.  An 
allowance,  however,  is  made  in  the  billiard 
room. 

The  loud-voiced  man  is  one  of  the  nuisances 
of  a  club.  Loud  talking  may  be  endured  in  the 
smoking  or  general  room,  but  certainly  not  in 
the  library  or  the  reading  rooms. 

The  "kicker"  is  another  objectionable  per 
son.  He  should  remember  that  the  best  way 
of  rectifying  abuses  is  to  send  to  the  house 
committee  all  complaints  of  any  deficiency  in 
the  service  of  the  club,  of  overcharges,  mis- 


134  ®1)£  (Complete 


takes,  or  defects.  The  club  is  not  a  place  to 
conduct  one's  commercial  interests.  Invitations 
and  special  correspondence  can  be  conducted 
on  club  paper,  but  certainly  it  is  a  breach  of 
club  etiquette  to  use  it  for  business  purposes. 

The  man  who  bows  to  a  woman  from  a 
club  window  is  not  a  gentleman.  By  this  ac 
tion  he  fastens  upon  her  the  most  disgraceful 
odium  one  of  her  sex  can  bear. 

The  name  of  a  woman  should  never  be 
whispered  in  a  club  unless  it  is  to  say  some 
thing  complimentary  of  her.  Even  this  is  not 
in  good  taste. 

It  is  not  club  etiquette  to  "treat."  You  can 
do  so  if  you  desire,  but  you  are  not  obliged  to 
follow  this  inane  custom,  which  is  born  of  bar 
room  ethics. 

All  the  affairs  of  a  club  must  be  regarded  in 
strict  confidence.  Under  no  consideration 
should  that  which  has  occurred  within  these 
sacred  portals  be  divulged  to  outsiders. 

Once  a  year  —  usually  at  Christmas  —  a  sub 
scription  is  taken  up  for  the  employees  and 
servants.  From  five  to  ten  dollars  is  the  proper 
amount  to  give. 

A  few  clubs  have  a  ladies'  restaurant  at 
tached,  where  members  may  take  their  families 
or  give  dinners,  or  where  the  wives  of  mem- 


Bachelor's  (Elub.  135 


bers  have  the  privilege  of  giving  luncheons  or 
other  entertainments.  Otherwise  ladies  are  not 
admitted  to  the  privileges  of  the  clubhouse,  ex 
cept  on  ladies'  days,  and  where  there  is  an  '•  an 
nex  "  they  can  only  avail  themselves  of  that 
part  set  aside  for  their  convenience  upon  the 
authority  of  a  member. 

These  rules  pertaining  to  the  general  gov 
ernment  of  clubs  have  been  compiled  from  the 
constitution  and  by-laws  of  the  Union,  Metro 
politan,  Knickerbocker,  Calumet,  and  Manhat 
tan  Clubs  of  New  York.  The  constitutions  of 
the  Philadelphia,  Boston,  Washington,  Chica 
go,  San  Francisco,  and  other  clubs  are  almost 
identical. 


CHAPTER   XVI. 

THE   SPORTING    BACHELOR. 

Driving. — Driving  really  comprises  coach 
ing  as  well  as  the  tandem. 

A  man  who  has  any  pretensions  whatever 
to  keeping  his  own  horses  or  driving  should 
be  judged  by  the  appearance  of  his  traps.  He 
submits  himself  to  what  one,  to-day,  might  call 
the  X-ray  of  criticism.  He  enters  a  field,  and 
he  must  be  weighed  in  the  balance  and  his 
position  defined  by  the  standard  of  his  asso 
ciates.  I  know  of  no  other  city  in  the  world 
where  there  are  better  groomed  horses  and 
better  turned  out  equipages  than  in  New  York. 
The  American  in  Hyde  Park  is  shocked  at  the 
appearance  of  the  traps  in  that  famous  drive 
way  of  fashion,  and  his  national  pride  is  grati 
fied  by  observing  that  the  smartest  are  of 
American  makes.  As  to  Paris,  it  is  simply  be 
yond  the  pale  of  criticism,  the  private  turnouts, 


136 


®l)e  Sporting  jBtuljdor.  137 

such  as  they  are.  being  almost  lost  in  a  sea  of 
dirty,  disgraceful  fiacres. 

In  the  first  place,  your  horses  must  be  well 
groomed,  their  hoofs  blackened,  and  their  tails 
properly  banged.  I  do  not  intend  here  to  en 
ter  a  discussion  concerning  the  cruelty  of  dock 
ing  horses'  tails.  The  social  law  is  without 
exception.  Horses  with  long  tails  are  impos 
sible.  1  believe  banging  is  not  accompanied 
by  any  physical  pain. 

The  harness,  the  trap  itself,  the  coachman, 
and  groom  or  grooms  should  be  as  immacu 
late  as  the  horses.  There  should  not  be  a  sin 
gle  item  out  of  gear.  Every  detail  must  be 
perfect.  Choose  some  individual  color  for  your 
traps,  and  never  change  the  colors  of  your  sta 
ble  any  more  than  you  would  your  liveries.  I 
have  discussed  fully  in  the  chapter  on  Servants 
the  duties  of  coachmen  and  grooms,  and  I  refer 
the  reader  to  that  section  of  this  book  for  in 
formation  concerning  liveries  and  the  human 
personnel  of  your  trap. 

As  to  the  color  of  your  horses  you  should 
consult  the  fashion  of  the  moment.  To-day 
grays  and  bays  are  matched,  and  a  person  in 
half  mourning  recently  appeared  on  a  leading 
thoroughfare  with  a  black  trap  and  harness  and 
white  horses. 


i38  ®l)e  Complete  Sacljelor. 


A  bachelor,  however,  should  court  sim 
plicity,  and  I  do  not  even  approve  of  an  equi 
page  with  two  men  on  the  box  for  an  unmarried 
man.  In  fact  1  do  not  know  of  a  single  bache 
lor  who  has  such  a  turnout. 

A  coach,  a  tandem,  a  drag,  or  any  of  the 
array  of  fashionable  carts,  or  a  private  hansom 
should  limit  the  list. 

Coolness  and  absolute  confidence  are  the 
requisite  virtues  of  good  driving. 

The  driver  salutes  always  with  the  whip; 
those  on  the  coach  with  him  or  in  the  trap 
bow. 

Dress  for  driving  in  the  city  is  usually  that 
of  afternoon,  and  a  high  hat  is  indispensable. 
Sometimes  the  huge  gray  coats  with  large  but 
tons  and  a  gray  topper  are  worn.  Dogskin 
driving  gloves  and  driving  boots  complete  the 
costume.  In  the  country  one  wears  tweed  or 
Scotch  cheviot  and  a  Derby  hat.  The  man 
who  drives  mounts  last,  his  horses'  heads  being 
held  by  the  groom.  His  whip  should  be  in  its 
socket;  the  reins  loosely  thrown  over  the 
horses'  backs.  He  should  spring  into  his  seat 
and  start  immediately. 

There  is  a  certain  smartness  in  driving,  in 
the  way  you  manage  your  whip,  your  horses, 
and  the  many  other  details,  which  it  is  the 


®l)e  Sporting  Bachelor.  139 

province  of  a  good  master  of  the  sport  to  teach 
you. 

The  fashionable  hour  for  driving  in  New 
York  is  from  three  to  five,  and  the  drive  the 
Park.  At  Newport  one  drives  both  in  the 
morning  and  evening. 

Remember,  however,  that  the  secret  of 
your  mastery  over  your  stables  should  be  your 
perfect  knowledge  of  every  detail.  If  you  are 
a  novice  you  should  begin  by  learning  the 
name  and  use  of  each  part  of  your  harness. 
You  should  be  able  to  tell  at  a  glance  if  every 
thing  is  right,  and  you  can  not  be  too  severe 
if  anything  is  out  of  gear  or  the  animals  are 
not  properly  groomed.  The  best  position  on 
the  box  is  a  firm  seat  with  your  feet  close  to 
gether.  Drive  with  one  hand  and  keep  the 
whip  hand  free,  except  for  its  legitimate  use 
in  touching  your  horses  now  and  then,  and  in 
saluting. 

A  man  always  sits  with  his  back  to  the 
horses  in  a  Victoria,  or  any  other  four-seated 
vehicle,  when  there  are  two  ladies  with  him. 
When  there  is  only  one  he  sits  by  her  side. 
He  alights  first  with  a  view  to  assisting  the 
ladies.  He  gets  in  last. 

It  is  not  good  form  in  New  York  for  un 
married  couples  to  drive  together,  unaccom- 


140  ®f)e  Complete  J3  act)  dor. 

panied  by  a  chaperon.  It  is  permitted  at  New 
port  and  the  country  and  seaside  resorts,  but  a 
groom  always  sits  on  the  back  seat.  In  this 
case  the  woman  is  frequently  the  whip. 

A  man  and  a  woman  may  drive  together  in 
the  city  in  a  hansom,  although  this  is  consid 
ered  unconventional.  Buggy  driving  is  not  in 
vogue  in  New  York. 

Riding,  since  the  advent  of  the  wheel,  is 
not  as  fashionable  an  amusement  in  cities  as 
formerly. 

Riding  classes,  which  meet  two  evenings 
during  the  week,  usually  in  the  Lenten  season, 
are  still  very  popular.  These  gatherings  take 
place  at  a  riding  academy,  and  a  competent 
riding  master  is  in  charge. 

When  riding  with  a  woman,  a  man  should 
always  be  at  her  right.  A  woman's  riding 
habit  falls  to  the  left  and  she  is  mounted  from 
the  left.  In  assisting  her  to  mount,  which, 
even  when  a  groom  is  present,  is  the  gallant 
thing  to  do,  a  man  should  grasp  the  bridle  with 
the  left  hand  and  hold  his  right  so  that  she  can 
step  into  it.  The  woman  puts  her  left  foot, 
therefore,  in  a  man's  right  hand,  and  holds  to 
the  pommel  with  her  right  hand.  The  escort 
gives  his  arm  a  slight  spring,  and  with  a  cor 
responding  action  on  the  part  of  the  fair  eques- 


Sporting  J3acl)dor. 


trienne,  she  is  lifted  into  the  saddle.  The  man 
faces  the  near  side  of  the  horse,  or  the  left.  He 
takes  the  reins  in  his  right  hand  and  with  it 
grasps  the  pommel  of  the  saddle,  shortening 
the  reins  until  he  feels  the  mouth  of  the  horse. 
He  inserts  the  left  foot  in  the  stirrup  and  springs 
into  the  saddle. 

In  speaking  of  a  pommel,  I  wish  it  under 
stood  that  the  English  saddle  is  used,  which 
has  no  visible  pommel,  but  that  part  of  it  is 
still  called  by  the  name  in  lieu  of  another  term. 

A  good  rider  should  never  mount  from  a 
horse  block  or  a  fence.  The  English  mode  of 
riding  is  fashionable.  The  smart  pace  is  a 
short  canter.  In  trotting,  a  man  may  rise  to  the 
trot.  Squaring  the  elbows  is  a  trifle  vulgar 
and  obsolete.  In  meeting  acquaintances,  a 
man  should  bow.  A  man  accompanying  a 
lady  should  always  keep  pace  with  her,  and 
never  either  go  ahead  or  let  his  horse  fall  be 
hind.  A  man  riding  alone  should  never  pass 
or  catch  up  with  a  woman  unattended. 

When  one  rides  in  New  York  it  is  only  in 
the  morning.  Afternoon  riding  in  the  Park  is 
not  the  vogue  it  was.  The  New  Yorker  dis 
likes  to  dress  up  in  any  special  costume,  so 
that  for  years  the  fashionable  afternoon  riding 
costume  was  a  black  cutaway  or  morning  coat, 


142  &l)e  (Complete  Scrcl)cior. 

ordinary  trousers  strapped  under  the  ordinary 
walking  boot,  top  hat,  and  gloves,  but  the 
present  riding  costume  for  the  morning  in  New 
York  and  the  country  consists  of  whipcord  or 
corduroy  riding  breeches  and  jacket,  brown 
leather  waistcoat,  brown  Derby  hat,  boots  or 
leggings,  and  dark  gloves.  You  can  wear 
this  in  the  afternoon,  but  the  ordinary  costume 
is  considered  smarter  and  more  convenient. 
Men  in  New  York  only  ride  in  the  Park,  and 
many  of  them  do  not  belong  to  riding  acad 
emies  or  have  lockers.  A  complete  change  of 
costume  is  not  convenient,  and  you  never  see 
a  New  York  clubman  on  the  streets  in  riding 
togs.  The  evening  classes  always  end  with  a 
supper  and  a  dance.  The  woman's  habit  is 
easily  changed,  but  to  appear  at  night  in  riding 
costume  or  with  boots  in  a  drawing  room  is 
certainly  absurd.  To  wear  evening  dress  on 
horseback,  even  a  Tuxedo  coat,  is  also  out 
landish,  and  thus  the  compromise  has  been 
effected,  and  the  old  black  diagonal  cutaway 
brought  into  use. 

Riding  to  hounds  requires  special  knowl 
edge  as  to  the  rules  and  the  etiquette  of  the 
different  hunts.  These  vary.  The  meet  is 
generally  at  some  farm  or  country  house,  and 
you  are  expected  to  appear  in  the  regulation 


Sporting  Bachelor.  143 

hunt  colors.  The  orthodox  costume  is  morn 
ing  coat,  white  or  fancy  waistcoat,  riding 
breeches,  top  boots,  crop,  top  hat,  and  hunt 
ing  scarf.  The  master  of  the  hounds  should 
wear  a  red  or  scarlet  frock  coat  and  hunting 
cap.  After  the  hunt  there  is  a  breakfast,  and 
several  times  during  the  year  a  ball.  At  the 
latter  festivity,  members  of  the  club  should 
wear  their  scarlet  evening  coats. 

Coaching  is  yet  another  of  the  intricate  arts. 
I  will  give  a  few  points  to  the  novice.  The 
place  of  honor  is  the  box  seat  and  should  be 
given  to  a  lady,  when  ladies  are  of  the  party. 

If  a  bachelor  is  a  good  whip,  a  coaching 
party  is  an  excellent  way  for  him  to  entertain. 
The  start  should  be  from  some  fashionable  lo 
cality  in  town,  and  eight  or  ten  is  a  large  party. 
It  is  needless  for  me  to  call  the  attention  of  a 
whip  to  the  importance  of  his  drag  and  horses 
and  appointments  being  perfect.  During  the 
progress  of  the  coach  the  guard  who  sits  in 
the  rear  blows  his  horn  at  regular  intervals. 
A  bugle  or  cornet  is  not  good  form,  although 
I  have  heard  it  in  small  towns. 

It  may  seem  elementary,  but  for  the  re 
quirements  of  those  who  have  never  coached 
I  might  as  well  state  that  the  guests  sit  on  the 
top  and  not  inside  the  coach.  A  neat  and 


144  ®l]e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

serviceable  team  may  be  made  with  two 
browns  as  leaders  and  a  brown  and  a  bay  as 
wheelers.  To  the  novice  the  names  of  these 
will  indicate  their  position. 

A  coaching  route  should  be  about  ten  to 
fifteen  miles.  A  halt  is  made  at  a  country 
club,  of  which  the  host  is  a  member,  or  a 
hotel,  where  luncheon  is  served.  The  menu 
consists  of  the  usual  comestibles  with  plenty 
of  champagne.  Two  hours  altogether  are  al 
lowed  for  rest,  and  then  the  start  homeward  is 
made.  The  whip  should  wear  driving  cos 
tume,  with  gray  or  black  high  hat.  The  men 
guests  can  be  dressed  in  morning  costume, 
tweeds,  and  Derby  hats,  unless  the  occasion 
is  one  of  formality,  such  as  a  coaching  parade, 
when  one  should  don  afternoon  dress.  The 
general  etiquette  of  driving  applies  to  coaching. 

Wheeling  is  the  popular  and  fashionable 
amusement  at  present  writing,  and  it  bids  fair 
to  continue  so  until  quite  late  in  the  twentieth 
century.  As  yet  there  are  no  special  rules  of 
etiquette  for  this  new  sport,  except  that  which 
would  govern  its  dress.  Otherwise  there  are 
the  rules  of  the  road — keeping  and  turning  to 
the  right — and  the  extending  by  gentlemen  of 
those  civilities  which  they  should  never  forget 
to  the  fair  sex,  and  consideration  for  their  fel- 


Ql\)e  Sporting  Bachelor.  145 

low-men.  A  man  should  always  wait  for  a 
lady  to  mount,  holding  the  bicycle.  He  should 
ride  at  her  left,  keeping  pace  with  her,  and 
sufficiently  near  to  be  of  assistance  in  case  of 
an  accident.  He  should  dismount  first  and 
help  her  to  do  so  if  necessary.  The  present 
fashionable  costume  for  cycling  consists  of 
tweed  knickers  and  short  lounge  jacket  of  same 
material,  brown  leather  or  linen  waistcoat, 
colored  shirt,  with  white  turn-down  collar  and 
club  tie,  golf  stockings,  and  low-quartered  tan 
wheeling  shoes.  A  cap  of  tweed  to  match 
the  suit  completes  the  rig.  At  cycling  clubs 
black  small  clothes  with  dinner  jacket  may 
be  worn,  but  as  yet  it  is  not  the  prevailing 
fashion. 

In  summer  very  natty  wheeling  costumes 
are  made  of  linen  or  crash. 

One  word  more  as  to  wheeling.  Owing 
to  its  popularity,  many  have  sought  to  make 
it  vulgar  and  common.  An  idea  that  a  man 
has  the  privilege  of  addressing  any  woman  on 
a  bicycle  is  most  erroneous.  You  would  not 
offer  such  an  impertinence  to  an  equestrienne, 
and  you  must  remember  that  a  "wheel"  is 
only  a  metal  horse.  To  catch  up  with  or  pass 
unchaperoned  or  unescorted  women  wheelers 
is  as  much  a  breach  of  etiquette  as  to  be  guilty 


(Eotnplclc 


of  the   same  vulgarity  toward   an    unaccom 
panied  Amazon. 

Shooting  deserves  a  few  words,  although 
shooting  parties  in  the  acceptance  of  the  for 
eign  and  British  entertainments  have  as  yet 
but  few  counterparts  in  this  country.  Men 
chase  the  aniseed  bag  or  an  imported  fox 
when  riding  to  hounds,  and  when  they  take 
gun  in  hand  it  is  for  the  purpose  of  hunting  big 
game,  such  as  one  would  obtain  in  the  Adiron- 
dacks,  in  the  Rockies,  in  the  Southern  swamp 
lands,  and  in  the  wilderness  of  Canada.  In 
England  you  may  be  invited  for  the  shooting. 
The  start  is  in  the  morning,  in  a  party  accom 
panied  by  the  gamekeepers.  The  birds  are 
flurried,  the  guns  are  loaded  by  your  special 
attendant,  and  you  only  pause  in  your  work  of 
destruction  for  luncheon,  which  is  served  some 
where  in  the  woods  or  on  the  moors.  You 
are  expected  to  be  at  the  house  about  four, 
where,  after  changing  your  clothes,  you  ap 
pear  in  the  drawing  room  for  tea.  You  are 
cautioned  in  these  parties,  in  order  to  avoid 
accident,  before  crossing  a  hedge,  gate,  or  any 
other  obstacle,  to  remove  your  cartridges.  You 
are  to  be  unusually  careful  in  the  manner  of 
holding  your  gun,  and  should  certainly  not 
flourish  it  around  or  point  it  at  any  living 


®l]c  Sporting  Bachelor.  147 

thing,  save  that  which  it  is  intended  to  kill. 
Guns  used  as  walking  sticks  or  props  to  take 
flying  leaps  or  other  extraordinary  purposes 
are  the  assinine  diversions  of  some  idiots.  In 
England  a  position  is  assigned  to  you.  It  is 
etiquette  to  remain  in  it,  shooting  in  a  liberal 
and  sportsmanlike  spirit,  accepting  shots  as 
they  come.  The  gamekeepers  expect  a  tip 
at  the  end  of  the  visit.  The  correct  dress  is 
loose  jacket,  knicker  corduroy  breeches,  stout 
ribbed  stockings,  and  box-cloth  leggings. 
Heavy  russet  boots  and  a  cloth  shooting  cap 
are  also  worn. 

Bowls  is  a  favorite  game  in  the  country,  and 
during  the  Lenten  season  in  New  York,  where 
there  are  a  number  of  clubs  formed  for  its  en 
joyment. 

Although  the  sessions  are  in  the  evening, 
the  men  diess  at  clubs  in  mufti  or  neglige,  the 
golf  or  cycling  suits  being  the  favorites.  When 
you  are  asked  to  play  bowls  at  a  private  house, 
and  when  there  is  a  dance  to  follow,  or  when 
you  are  asked  to  a  "bowling  party,"  it  is  per 
haps  better  form  to  wear  your  dinner  jacket  or 
Tuxedo,  as  there  will  be  supper  and  dancing 
afterward.  The  presence  of  ladies  will  not  de 
ter  you  from  wearing  on  an  occasion  like  this 
demitoilet  or  dinner  jacket,  as  there  is  a  certain 


148  ®l)e  Complete  Bachelor. 

informality  about  all  athletic  sports.  The  same 
may  be  said  of  badminton,  another  favorite 
Lenten  game,  played  somewhat  after  the  man 
ner  of  tennis.  The  difference  is  that  instead  of 
racquet  and  ball,  battledore  and  shuttlecock  are 
used. 

For  skating,  even  at  a  rink  on  artificial  ice, 
golf  costume  or  mufti  is  good  form. 

Polo  has  likewise  no  code  of  etiquette  not 
connected  with  the  rules  of  the  game.  The 
dress  for  polo  includes  buckskin  knee  breeches, 
flannel  or  madras  shirt  with  low  turn-down 
collar,  top  riding  boots,  and  polo  cap. 

YACHTING,  BOATING,  BATHING,  TENNIS,  AND 
RACING. 

A  yacht  in  commission  is  the  most  expen 
sive  and  luxurious  toy  a  man  can  have.  No 
one  but  a  millionaire  can  afford  it.  True,  as  in 
other  possessions,  there  are  degrees,  and  con 
sequently  there  are  yachts  and  yachts.  Only 
large  schooner  or  steam  yachts,  however,  are 
adaptable  for  entertaining.  A  man's  yacht 
is  indeed  his  castle,  and  the  host  has  only  to 
follow  the  rules  which  govern  social  functions 
to  be  perfect  in  this  delightful  method  of  enter 
taining.  Yet  there  are  a  few  little  details  of 
which  it  would  be  prudent  to  speak.  The 


Sporting  Bachelor.  149 


proper  entertainments  for  a  yacht  in  harbor  are 
luncheons,  dinners,  dances,  and  short  cruises. 
None  of  these  should  be  elaborate,  the  yacht 
itself  —  a  thing  of  joy  and  beauty  —  being  alone 
a  great  attraction. 

Your  sailors  should  meet  the  people  invited 
at  the  dock  in  the  cutter,  and  row  them  to  the 
place  where  your  yacht  rides  at  anchor.  You 
should  be  at  the  gangway  ready  to  receive 
them.  The  same  order  should  be  observed 
on  their  leaving. 

During  a  club  cruise  there  are  several  for 
malities  to  be  observed.  You  are  then  as  if 
under  military  or  naval  orders.  The  commo 
dore  should  be  treated  with  the  same  consid 
eration  as  an  admiral.  You  should  not  appear 
before  him  except  in  the  uniform  of  the  club, 
and  you  should  always  salute  him  on  passing, 
and  he  should  have  precedence  at  all  entertain 
ments. 

Yachting  dress  for  men  consists  in  either 
blue  flannel  or  serge  suit,  or  weather  pilot  or 
pea-jacket  of  rough  cloth  or  "  witney,"  or  blue 
serge  or  flannel  coat  with  naval  white  duck 
trousers.  The  cap,  blue  or  white  cloth  or 
duck.  White  flannels  are  also  worn,  but  they 
are  not  so  appropriate.  In  the  evening,  usual 
formal  landsman's  costume. 


i5°  ®l)e  Complete  Sculptor. 

There  are  a  few  rules  of  practical  yacht 
ing  which  are  so  intimately  connected  with 
etiquette  that,  although  it  is  not  exactly  in 
my  province,  I  propose  to  give  a  summary 
of  them  here;  they  may  be  useful,  and  may 
serve  my  reader  a  good  turn.  1  take  the  regu 
lations  of  the  New  York  Yacht  Club  for  my 
guide.  It  is  without  doubt  the  leading  yacht 
ing  organization  of  this  country. 

When  on  a  cruise,  all  yachts  belonging  to  a 
club  should  hoist  their  colors  at  eight  o'clock 
A.  M.  and  haul  them  down  at  sunset,  taking 
time  from  the  senior  officer  present  in  port,  if 
there  should  be  one.  Between  sunset  and  col 
ors  they  should  carry  a  night  pennant.  Guns 
should  only  be  fired  on  setting  or  hauling  down 
the  colors,  except  by  the  yacht  giving  the  time, 
nor  between  sunset  and  colors,  nor  on  Sunday, 
and  the  rules  of  many  yacht  clubs  insist  on 
these  formalities  being  observed  whether  a 
yacht  is  on  a  cruise  or  not. 

The  senior  officer  in  port  should  be  in  com 
mand,  and  should  make  colors  and  sunset  and 
return  salutes  and  visits,  etc.  His  yacht  should 
remain  the  station  vessel  until  a  senior  to  him 
in  rank  arrives,  when  such  senior  should  as 
sume  the  duties  of  the  anchorage. 

Flag  officers  should  display  their  pennants 


Sporting  Bachelor.  151 


while  in  commission,  except  when  absent  for 
more  than  forty-eight  hours.  In  this  case  their 
private  signal  should  be  hoisted.  A  blue  rec 
tangular  flag  at  the  starboard  spreader  should 
be  displayed  when  the  owner  is  not  on  board. 

All  salutes  should  be  returned  in  kind. 
Yachts  of  all  clubs  should  always  salute  vessels 
of  the  United  States  Navy.  Yachts  passing 
at  sea  should  salute  each  other,  juniors  saluting 
first.  This  is  done  by  dipping  the  ensign  three 
times  or  by  firing  a  gun,  followed  by  dipping 
the  ensign.  Arriving  in  harbor  after  sunset  or 
on  Sunday  the  salute  should  be  made  the  first 
thing  next  morning. 

When  a  squadron  or  a  cruising  expedition 
enters  a  port  or  anchorage  and  finds  there  a 
foreign  yacht,  the  senior  officer  of  the  squadron 
or  cruise  should  send  its  owner  a  tender  of  the 
civilities  of  the  club.  All  vessels  are  consid 
ered  foreign  not  belonging  to  the  interstate 
squadron,  or  to  a  club  not  included  in  the  asso 
ciation  of  yachts  to  which  your  vessel  and  you 
belong. 

Of  course  I  have  only  skimmed  through  the 
sailing  and  saluting  regulations.  You  are  sup 
posed  to  have  a  book  of  your  club,  which  will 
give  them  to  you,  and  you  are  bound  to  follow 
the  rules  laid  down  therein. 


i52  ®l)e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

As  a  rule,  the  commodore  of  a  yacht  club 
wears  on  his  cap  an  anchor  one  inch  and  a  half 
in  diameter,  placed  horizontally,  embroidered 
in  gold,  with  a  silver  star  of  half  an  inch  diame 
ter  at  each  end  of  and  above  the  anchor.  A 
vice  commodore  wears  only  a  single  star;  cap 
tains  two  crossed  foul  anchors.  The  dress 
uniform  of  most  yacht  clubs  is  a  plain  blue  or 
black  dress  coat,  a  white  dress  waistcoat,  each 
with  the  club  button  in  gilt;  blue  or  white 
trousers  with  cravat  black  or  white.  The 
undress  consists  of  a  double-breasted  sack 
coat  of  blue  cloth,  serge,  or  flannel,  blue  or 
white  waistcoat,  each  with  the  black  club 
button ;  trousers  of  same  material,  or  of  white 
drill.  The  commodore  has  five  black  silk 
stripes  on  his  cuff,  the  vice  commodore  four, 
the  rear  commodore  three,  the  captain  and 
other  officers  two,  and  the  members  one. 

Your  crew  should  wear  shirts  of  blue  flan 
nel  or  white  linen  with  wide  blue  cuffs  and 
collars,  stitched  with  blue  or  white  thread. 
Handkerchiefs  should  be  of  black  silk,  caps  of 
blue  cloth  without  visor;  straw  hats  with  black 
ribbon  can  be  used  for  summer.  The  name  of 
the  yacht  must  be  worked  on  the  breast  of  the 
shirt,  or  printed  upon  the  band  of  the  cap  or 
the  ribbon  of  the  hat.  The  trousers  should  be 


Sporting  Bachelor.  153 


of  blue  flannel  or  white  linen  duck.    No  braces 
are  worn. 

GOLF. 

The  etiquette  of  golf  is  incorporated,  more 
or  less,  with  the  technicalities  of  the  rules 
governing  the  game.  I  do  not  intend  to  go 
into  these,  but  to  give  a  few  hints  to  the  nov 
ice,  to  prevent  him,  if  possible,  committing 
solecisms. 

Golf  has  a  vocabulary  of  its  own.  The 
"grounds"  on  which  the  game  is  played 
is  a  stretch  of  rather  rough  country,  abound 
ing  in  hills,  hillocks,  and  sandy  downs, 
and  is  known  by  no  other  name  but  the 
"  links." 

The  game  is  usually  played  by  two  persons, 
but  it  can  be  by  more.  It  consists  in  driving 
a  ball,  small  and  black,  or  painted  red  for  the 
winter  snows,  along  a  route  laid  out  by  a  series 
of  holes  to  a  goal,  with  a  selection  of  clubs 
with  metal  ends.  A  small  boy  carries  these 
clubs  around  for  the  players.  He  is  called  the 
"  caddie." 

The  clubs  have  various  names  and  various 
uses.  They  are  for  propelling  or  driving  the 
ball,  according  to  the  rules  of  the  game.  They 
are  the  driver,  long  spoon,  short  spoon,  putter, 


i54  ®l)e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

iron  putter,  cleek,  iron,  niblick,  brassey,  loft 
ing  iron,  and  mashie. 

A  "tee"  is  a  small  mound  of  sand  or  earth 
upon  which  the  ball  rests.  As  before  explained, 
the  ball  is  propelled  or  driven  from  the  tee  into 
one  of  the  holes.  The  term  "putting"  is  ap 
plied  to  the  locality  in  which  this  operation  of 
driving  the  ball  into  the  hole  takes  place. 

The  etiquette  of  the  spectator  is  embraced 
in  the  common-sense  essential  of  being  an  on 
looker  and  nothing  more.  Silence  is  golden. 
Advice  and  comment,  should  you  profess  to 
know  anything  about  the  game,  are  brazen. 
Be  considerate ;  do  not  interfere  with  the  com 
fort  of  the  players.  As  at  billiards,  the  stroke 
should  be  made  in  utter  silence.  The  golf 
"links"  is  not  a  place  for  criticism,  and  if 
you  are  allowed  to  follow  the  players  around, 
you  must  control  your  feelings  alike  when  en 
thusiastic  or  when  contemptuous.  Besides 
being  a  breach  of  good  manners,  remember 
that  golf  is  more  or  less  an  outdoor  game  of 
whist. 

Golf  is  the  easiest  game  at  which  to  cheat, 
but  as  it  is  a  sport  in  the  repertoire  of  a  gentle 
man,  it  would  seem  almost  an  insult  to  hint  at 
such  a  contingency.  However,  apart  from  the 
moral  effect  of  cheating  at  any  game,  if  a  man 


Sporting  Sacljdor.  155 


is  dead  to  all  sense  of  honor,  he  should  be  alive 
to  the  fear  of  being  found  out.  Such  discovery 
means  social  ostracism. 

The  proper  golf  costume  is  based  on  com 
mon  sense.  The  man  who  rigs  himself  up  for 
this  or  any  other  sport  in  what  he  considers 
the  most  approved  style  is  either  a  very  bad 
player  or  a  novice.  The  championships  have 
been  won  by  men  wearing  their  ordinary  street 
costumes  or  business  lounge  suits.  The  Eng 
lish  and  Scotch  golf  dress,  however,  is  sack 
coat,  knickers  without  leather  extensions,  and 
a  plain  tweed  shooting  cap.  The  shirt  is  white 
madras,  soft,  unstarched  bosom,  with  a  golf 
stock  or  Ascot.  Golf  shoes  or  boots  are  of 
heavy  russet  or  black  leather.  The  hose  has  a 
long  ribbed  top,  which  is  turned  over,  forming 
a  sort  of  heavy  band  on  the  calf  of  the  leg.  It 
is  made  of  heavy  worsted,  plain  or  ribbed. 
This  costume  will  do  for  winter  in  the  Eng 
lish  climate,  when  you  can  not  employ  too 
heavy  tweeds  in  the  north  and  west.  The 
American  costume,  however,  is  made  of  light 
er  tweeds  for  the  spring  and  autumn,  and  of 
brown  linen  or  Holland  for  the  summer.  As 
yet,  except  in  one  or  two  localities,  golf  is  not 
generally  played  in  winter,  except  by  enthu 
siasts. 


156  ®be  QTotttplcle 


At  a  match,  golfers  wear  their  club  uniform 
coats,  which  are  made  of  hunting  pink  with 
brass  buttons.  The  club  dress  uniform  is  full 
and  proper  dress  for  all  golf  functions,  such  as 
dinners  and  dances  and  receptions.  For  golf 
club  evening  functions,  black  silk  or  lisle  thread 
stockings  and  pumps  and  black  knickers  would 
be  appropriate  dress.  This  will  be  regulated 
by  the  rules  of  the  club. 

BOATING  AND  BATHING,  TENNIS  AND  RACING. 

But  a  word,  and  this  on  costume.  The 
proper  dress  in  England,  where  boating  is  a 
social  amusement,  is  the  blazer  madras  shirt 
with  white  linen  all-around  collars  and  ma 
dras  cuffs,  same  material  as  shirt,  white  duck 
trousers,  and  straw  hat  with  colored  rib 
bons. 

For  bathing,  the  present  ocean  costume  is 
all  plain,  one  dark-color  two-piece  suits,  short 
trousers  coming  to  the  knees,  and  jersey  with 
very  short  sleeves. 

For  tennis,  which  I  have  omitted  in  the 
category  of  sports,  as  there  is  no  peculiar  eti 
quette  attached,  you  should  wear  white  duck 
trousers,  a  white  madras  shirt,  white  flannel 
coat,  plain  or  finely  striped,  and  straw  hat  or 


Sporting  JJaclielor.  157 


flannel  cap  to  match  coat.  The  straw  hat  was 
in  vogue  last  summer. 

In  England  many  men  wear  gray  vicuna 
frock  coats  to  the  races.  About  this  costume, 
however,  in  America,  where  races  are  but  sel 
dom  social  functions,  you  must  be  guided  by 
the  season,  circumstances,  and  place.  Of 
course,  a  top  hat  must  be  worn  with  any  spe 
cies  of  frock  coat,  but  the  gray  top  hat  has 
gone  out  of  fashion. 

Gymkhana  races  are  burlesque  affairs  im 
ported  from  India.  The  participants  are  dressed 
in  grotesque  fancy  costumes,  and  are  obliged  to 
race  holding  umbrellas,  toy  balloons,  or  some 
other  absurdity.  They  are  in  great  favor  at 
summer  watering  places. 

BILLIARDS. 

The  etiquette  of  this  popular  pastime  is 
possibly  embraced  in  the  general  maxim  of 
"the  extending  of  the  utmost  consideration 
for  others.1' 

Billiards  constitutes  quite  an  important 
factor  in  club  life,  and  should  have  been 
included  in  the  chapter  on  that  subject  but 
for  the  fact  that  so  many  private  houses 
have  billiard  rooms,  and  the  game  is  bet- 


158  ©lie  Complete 


ter  classified  with  the  different  sports  of  a 
bachelor. 

At  the  club  it  is  allowable  to  play  the  game 
sans  one's  coat,  or  in  shirt  sleeves.  The  bil 
liard  room  is  a  place  where  one  can  be  uncon 
ventional.  Order,  however,  in  a  match  game 
especially,  should  be  strictly  maintained.  The 
severe  English  rule  at  clubs,  under  such  cir 
cumstances,  requires  the  man  who  has  played 
his  stroke  "to  retire  to  a  reasonable  distance, 
and  keep  out  of  the  line  of  sight"  (vide  the 
Badminton  treatise  on  the  game).  Orders  for 
drinks  to  the  waiter,  loud  talking,  criticism  of 
the  play,  lighting  pipes  and  cigars  —  the  latter 
being  only  generally  allowed  in  New  York 
club  billiard  rooms  —  are  all  offenses  against 
etiquette. 

In  private  houses  it  is  certainly  a  breach  of 
good  manners  to  bolt  into  a  billiard  room  while 
a  game  is  in  progress,  except  between  the 
strokes,  and  this  period  can  be  easily  ascer 
tained  by  listening  at  the  door.  The  ideal 
game  is  conducted  with  strict  observance  of 
the  etiquette  of  the  room.  It  is,  according  to 
the  same  Badminton  authority,  a  game  dur 
ing  the  progress  of  which  neither  player 
smokes  nor  interrupts  the  other,  and  spectators 
are  generally  courteous,  silent,  and  impartial. 


Sporting  Bachelor.  159 


In  a  private  house  where  ladies  are  apt  to  be 
present  and  to  be  players,  shirt  sleeves  are  cer 
tainly  not  tolerated.  The  dinner  coat  is  use 
ful  on  these  occasions.  Smoking  is  permissi 
ble  if  the  hostess  consents. 

The  etiquette  of  cards  calls  for  but  a  word. 
Whist  means  silence.  No  gentleman  quarrels 
with  a  billiard  marker  or  a  golf  caddie  ;  still 
less  should  he  dispute  a  point  at  cards.  Better 
lose,  especially  when  women  are  present,  than 
enter  a  controversy. 


CHAPTER   XVII. 

A  BACHELOR'S  TRAVELS  AT  HOME  AND  ABROAD. 

To  seem  entirely  at  one's  ease  is  the  best 
maxim  I  can  give  for  traveling.  You  can  not 
actually  pretend  to  experience  that  which  may 
be  totally  lacking,  but  by  making  yourself  com 
fortable  you  will  increase  the  pleasure  of  others. 
There  is,  in  these  days  of  luxurious  traveling, 
but  little  occasion  to  be  flurried,  and  no  excuse 
whatever  for  not  being  as  well  dressed  as  you 
are  calm  and  self-possessed.  Dress  means  a 
great  deal,  and  if  you  have  not  a  servant  with 
you  it  will  simply  require  a  little  care  at  the 
commencement  to  insure  your  entire  freedom 
from  all  annoyance. 

As  I  have  already  observed  in  a  previous 
chapter,  in  a  long  journey  it  would  be  better 
to  take  more  than  one  trunk,  but  even  if  you 
have  but  the  one  you  should  carry  also  a  bag 
with  your  toilet  articles.  A  dressing  bag  is 
most  requisite,  and  if  you  can  not  afford  this 

160 


&  Bachelor's  frauds.  161 

you  could  have  an  ordinary  bag,  or  even  a 
"dress  suit"  case,  fitted  up  with  the  necessary 
appliances  of  the  toilet.  These,  it  is  almost 
absurd  to  state,  consist  of  your  razors,  tooth 
and  nail  brushes,  combs  and  hairbrushes,  in 
dividual  soap,  and  a  few  small  vials  of  very 
useful  physic,  such  as  Jamaica  ginger,  Pond's 
extract,  liver  pills,  cologne,  and,  if  you  do  not 
carry  it  in  your  pocket,  a  brandy  flask.  There 
are  times  when  this  is  absolutely  necessary. 
In  my  dressing  bag,  if  possible,  I  would  take 
my  pyjamas,  so  as  to  be  perfectly  equipped  for 
the  night,  in  case,  at  the  end  of  my  journey,  I 
could  not  get  at  my  trunk.  Overcoats,  water 
proof  coat,  umbrellas,  walking  sticks,  etc., 
should  be  carried  in  a  shawl  strap,  where  you 
could  also  have  a  novel  or  so,  or  a  budget  of  in 
teresting  newspapers  or  magazines.  For  short 
railway  or  steamer  journeys,  the  best  dress  is 
the  ordinary  lounge  or  morning  sack  suit, 
with  a  soft  felt  or  Hombourg  hat.  Gloves  are 
necessary.  Tan  or  gray  suede  is  the  most  cor 
rect.  In  winter  an  ulster  should  be  worn. 
Select  for  sea  or  for  ocean  voyages  the  warm 
est  lounge  suit  you  have,  or,  if  you  feel  more 
disposed,  a  warm  tweed  knickerbocker  suit, 
such  as  you  wear  for  golf.  I  think  it  is  a  good 
principle  to  put  on  your  old  clothes  at  sea. 


162  ®|)e  Complete  Bachelor. 

Only  very  vulgar  people  dress  for  this  occasion. 
For  late  dinner  on  the  ship  I  would  have  a 
black  cutaway  coat  and  a  light  tie.  I  believe 
men  must  change  their  clothes  before  dinner  at 
all  places  and  under  all  circumstances.  Rus 
set  shoes  are  worn. 

Do  not  hurry.  Have  your  tickets  purchased 
in  time,  and  arrive  at  a  train  so  that  you  will 
have  fully  five  minutes  in  which  to  check  your 
luggage. 

On  an  ocean  voyage,  if  the  ship  is  going  to 
leave  at  an  early  hour  in  the  morning,  go  on 
board  the  night  before.  Farewell  suppers  are 
like  greetings  in  tugboats  and  other  vulgar 
celebrations,  the  meed  of  the  second-class  poli 
tician.  Arrange  with  your  banker  for  letters 
of  credit,  and  take  with  you  just  sufficient  small 
change  to  carry  you  comfortably  and  pay  your 
little  expenses,  with  one  note  of  a  larger  de 
nomination  in  case  of  accident.  Do  not  get 
your  money  changed  on  the  ship.  It  is  effected 
at  a  very  high  rate  of  discount.  Thus  on  Eng 
lish  ships — the  Cunard,  White  Star,  Anchor, 
and  Allan  lines — English  currency  is  used. 
The  Hamburg  and  the  North  German  Lloyd 
employ  German,  and  the  Transatlantique, 
French.  Your  steamer  trunk  and  your  bag 
and  shawl  strap  should  be  placed  in  the  cabin 


<3l  Baudot's  ftraflds.  163 


with  you.  Steamer  chairs,  in  these  days,  can 
be  hired.  Do  not  carry  one  around  with  you. 
It  is  a  nuisance.  On  the  ocean  steamers  the 
steward  will  attend  to  your  little  wants,  and 
prepare  your  bath  for  you  in  the  morning,  for 
which  there  is  a  fee,  I  think,  of  twenty-five 
cents  a  day.  It  is  customary  on  leaving  a  ship 
to  give  gratuities  to  servants.  To  the  cabin 
steward  on  English  ships,  ten  shillings,  the 
head  steward  ten  shillings,  and  your  waiter  ten 
shillings.  On  others,  for  a  six  days'  voyage, 
a  fee  equal  to  two  dollars  should  be  given  to 
your  waiter  and  your  cabin  steward  and  to 
the  head  steward.  Servants  abroad  are  feed 
on  a  regular  tariff,  which  you  will  find  in  the 
guidebooks.  In  this  country  the  drawing- 
car  fiend  expects  twenty-five  cents  for  a  day's 
journey;  fifty  cents  to  a  dollar  for  longer  and 
more  extended  service.  At  American  hotels 
the  waiters  are  tipped  when  you  leave,  and  a 
small  gratuity  given  to  chambermaids. 

Courtesy,  especially  to  women,  is  the  one 
thing  expected  from  every  gentleman  who 
travels.,  and  if  you  can  assist  any  one  in  dis 
tress  by  advice  or  by  help  of  any  kind  do  so, 
particularly  if  it  is  an  unprotected  woman. 
But  be  very  guarded  in  making  new  acquaint 
ances.  Such  as  are  picked  up  on  the  steamer, 


164  3Tl]e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

for  instance,  can  be  dropped  as  soon  as  you 
land.  Beware  of  the  cardroom  and  the  poker 
sharps  who  travel  on  the  great  liners.  Make 
it  a  rule,  if  you  will  play  for  money,  never  to 
do  so  with  strangers. 

When  traveling  with  a  lady,  always  carry 
her  bag  and  assist  her  in  and  out  of  the  trains. 
Your  behavior  is  on  its  mettle  under  these  cir 
cumstances,  and  traveling  is  very  apt  to  be  like 
a  mustard  plaster,  bringing  out  both  the  good 
and  evil  attributes  of  a  man. 

The  subject  of  foreign  travel  also  needs  a 
few  words  as  well  as  a  bit  of  general  advice. 
English  customs  and  our  own  are  so  much 
alike  that  it  would  be  strange,  indeed,  if  an 
American  could  not  get  along  in  the  land  where 
his  own  tongue  is  spoken.  One  of  the  first 
difficulties  which  once  beset  traveling  Ameri 
cans  in  London  was  the  regulation  in  theaters 
that  the  audience,  or  that  part  of  it  occupying 
the  best  stalls,  should  be  in  evening  dress.  As 
evening  dress  is  now  also  the  rule  in  New 
York,  this  quandary  is  a  thing  of  the  past. 
Programmes  at  many  of  the  English  theaters 
are  now  free,  where  some  years  ago  it  was 
customary  to  sell  bills  of  the  play  for  sixpence. 

The  feeing  of  servants  at  hotels,  however, 
continues,  and  we  yet  have  the  charge  on 


31  33aci)d0r10  (Eraods.  165 

hotel  bills  for  service.  You  are  expected  to 
give  something  to  the  hall  porter,  to  your 
waiter,  to  the  boots,  and  to  the  chambermaid. 
The  amount  of  these  fees  differs  according  to 
the  length  of  your  stay.  I  should  say  a  half 
crown  to  the  porter  and  less  sums  to  the 
others. 

In  London  a  shilling  a  mile  is  the  accepted 
price  for  cabs  within  a  certain  metropolitan 
radius  called  the  "circle."  "  Thrupence  "  or 
sixpence  extra  is  the  tip  "to  drink  your 
health." 

Afternoon  dress  is  the  correct  attire  for  the 
park  after  midday,  and  cabs  and  hansoms  are 
not  seen  on  the  Row  during  riding  and  driving 
hours. 

In  Paris  you  may  wear  a  blue  blouse  and 
make  the  turn  of  the  Bois  in  a  fiacre.  The 
tariff  there  is  two  francs  an  hour,  or  two  francs 
fifty  per  course,  from  one  place  to  another. 
The  pourboire  is  fifty  centimes. 

In  France  the  pourboire  is  a  veritable  tax, 
as  it  is  in  Italy  and  in  the  Latin  countries.  In 
Germany  the  mark  is  equal  to  about  twenty- 
five  cents  of  our  money,  and  it  will  go  a  long 
way.  Ten  marks  will  fee  a  houseful  of  serv 
ants. 

At  the  station  in  Paris  fifty  centimes  is  given 


166  ®|)e  (Complete  JBacl)dor. 

to  the  porter.  The  "  commissionnaire  "  at  the 
hotel  expects  fifty  centimes.  Waiters'  pour- 
boires  are  eighty-five  centimes  at  breakfast,  and 
at  dinner  a  franc.  In  a  cafe  they  are  twenty- 
five  centimes. 

The  woman  at  the  theater  who  puts  a  foot 
stool  under  your  feet  expects  one  franc,  and  at 
many  of  the  playhouses  she  must  be  feed  for  a 
reserved  seat. 

In  Paris  the  orchestra  stalls  are  occupied 
only  by  men.  At  the  opera  during  the  season 
evening  dress  in  the  boxes  and  stalls  is,  of 
course,  de  rigueur.  At  the  Comedie  Franchise 
on  Tuesdays  and  at  the  Odeon  on  Thursdays 
you  must  be  in  evening  dress  in  order  to  gain 
admittance. 

Chairs  are  sold  in  Paris  at  the  Catholic 
churches,  and  in  both  the  London  and  Paris 
parks  seats  can  be  hired  for  a  few  pennies  or 
sous. 

In  Paris  omnibuses  only  the  seating  ca 
pacity  is  allowed.  When  the  omnibus  is  full, 
a  sign,  " Complet,"  is  fastened  on  the  out 
side. 

At  the  gates  of  each  small  town  in  France 
the  octroi,  or  impost,  levies  on  articles  of  food 
brought  in,  and  the  customhouse  in  England 
seizes  all  American  reprints  of  English  books. 


Qt  Bachelor's  9Trat)el0.  167 

There,  as  well  as  in  France,  spirits  and  tobacco 
are  dutiable. 

It  is  only  civil  to  bow  when  passing  the 
Prince  of  Wales  or  members  of  the  royal 
family.  In  Paris  every  hat  is  removed  when 
a  hearse  passes,  as  also  in  Italy.  In  Germany 
the  hat  is  removed  when  the  emperor  passes. 

Passports  are  necessary  for  Russian  and 
Eastern  travel. 

All  large  functions  on  the  Continent,  no 
matter  what  time  of  the  day  they  occur,  de 
mand  evening  dress.  In  Paris  the  bridegroom 
at  a  wedding  in  the  afternoon  wears  evening 
dress,  as  well  as  the  chief  male  mourner  at  a 
funeral,  but  the  others  present  do  not.  This 
does  not  apply  to  groomsmen  and  honorary 
pallbearers,  who  are  in  evening  dress.  In 
Germany,  Austria,  and  Italy,  wherever  royalty 
appears,  evening  dress  is  necessary.  At  the 
audiences  granted  by  the  Pope  all  men  must 
be  in  evening  dress,  and  the  women  in  dark 
gowns  and  veils. 

The  Queen  of  England,  the  Princess  of 
Wales,  and  all  other  female  members  of  the 
royal  family  are  addressed  as  "Ma'am";  the 
Prince  of  Wales  and  the  male  members  as 
"Sir,"  and  never,  except  by  tradesmen,  as 
"Your  Royal  Highness." 


168  ®|)e  QTomplcte 


The  English  dukes  are  addressed  simply  as 
"Duke  "and  not  as  "Your  Grace";  a  mar 
quis  is  "Lord"  and  a  marchioness  "Lady." 
Younger  sons  of  dukes  should  be  spoken  of 
as  lord.  A  French  duke  and  duchess  are  ad 
dressed  as  "Monsieur"  and  "Madame."  In 
Germany  one  drops  the  Von  when  address 
ing  a  nobleman  who  has  that  title,  but  when 
you  write  to  him  you  must  give  him  his  full 
credentials. 

A  foreign  bishop  is  always  addressed  as 
"My  Lord"  and  a  cardinal  as  "Your  Emi 
nence." 

The  etiquette  at  a  house  where  the  Prince 
of  Wales  or  a  member  of  the  royal  family  in 
England  visits  is  rigorous,  and  on  the  Conti 
nent,  when  royalty  is  present,  it  is  even  more 
severe.  The  prince  is  never  addressed  unless 
he  speaks  to  you.  He  alone  has  the  privilege 
of  changing  the  subject  of  conversation,  and  . 
all  plans  for  the  day's  recreation  are  submitted 
to  him. 

These  observations  are,  of  course,  very 
general,  but  the  average  American  to-day  is  at 
home  in  Europe.  He  should  only  remember 
the  old  adage  to  do  in  Rome  as  the  Romans 
do,  and  he  will  not  be  much  embarrassed  by 
foreign  customs  and  habits. 


CHAPTER   XVIII. 

THE   ENGAGED    BACHELOR. 

THE  etiquette  of  engagements  is  simple. 
There  are  no  rules  as  to  how  a  man  should  ask 
a  woman  to  be  his  wife. 

A  man  is  not  at  liberty  to  announce  his  en 
gagement  until  \\\s  fiancee  gives  him  permission 
to  do  so.  It  is  her  family  who  have  the  right  to 
know  first  of  the  existence  of  an  engagement. 
Very  few  engagements  are  entered  into  so  hur 
riedly  as  not  to  be  anticipated  in  a  way  by  the 
members  of  the  young  woman's  household. 
However,  the  first  step  to  be  taken  is  the  an 
nouncement  by  i^Q  fiancee  to  her  mother,  her 
father,  or  her  proper  guardian  of  the  existing 
circumstances.  Sometimes  this  is  done  in  a 
most  informal  way  by  both  parties.  The  day 
after  the  engagement  has  thus  been  announced 
it  is  good  form  for  the  man  to  have  a  private 
talk  with  the  young  woman's  parents  or 
guardian.  In  America  we  are  supposed  to 

12  169 


170  Stye  (Complete  Sacl)d0r. 


be  above  the  discussion  of  marriage  settle 
ments.  A  man  should  never  ask  a  woman  to 
marry  him  unless  he  has  the  wherewithal  to 
support  her  in  the  manner  in  which  she  has 
been  accustomed  to  live.  An  inquiry  into  the 
state  of  the  proposed  son-in-law's  finances  is 
perfectly  proper  and  should  not  be  taken  amiss. 
Engagements  are  announced  to  other  members 
of  the  family  than  those  of  the  household  by 
informal  notes  when  it  is  decided  it  should  be 
made  public.  Relatives  and  intimate  friends 
should  be  apprised  of  it  before  one's  general 
acquaintances.  In  these  days  of  "society 
news  "  the  general  announcement  is  frequently 
made  through  the  medium  of  the  newspapers. 
It  can  also  be  made  verbally. 

During  the  engagement  it  is  expected  that 
a  man's  relatives  and  friends  should  pay  the 
prospective  bride  as  much  attention  as  possi 
ble.  They  should  call  on  her  and  felicitate  her 
as  soon  as  they  have  been  informed  of  the  af 
fair.  A  pretty  compliment  for  a  male  member 
of  the  man's  family  or  one  of  his  intimates  is 
to  send  flowers  to  the  new  fiancee.  Engage 
ments  should  never  be  announced  unless  the 
wedding  day  is  fixed  approximately.  Avoid 
long  engagements. 

The  engagement  ring  is  a  solitaire  diamond, 


(Engaged  Sacljelor.  171 


but  one  with  two  smaller  diamonds  is  appro 
priate.  This  will  depend  upon  the  income  of 
the  swain.  Rings  with  colored  stones,  how 
ever,  are  not  in  vogue  for  engagements. 

During  the  engagement  the  betrothed  couple 
should  be  seen  as  much  as  possible  in  each 
other's  society.  Neither  should  appear  at  large 
entertainments  to  which  the  other  has  not  been 
asked.  Little  attentions  are  expected.  A  man 
should  send  from  time  to  time,  according  to 
the  state  of  his  finances,  flowers,  sweets,  or 
other  tokens.  A  sensible  girl  will  not  approve 
of  costly  gifts  if  you  can  not  afford  them.  A 
very  acceptable  token  would  be  a  bunch  of 
violets  or  American  beauty  roses  sent  from  a 
fashionable  florist. 


CHAPTER   XIX. 

THE   BACHELOR'S   WEDDING. 

WHEN  a  bachelor  marries  the  arrangement 
of  the  details  of  the  ceremony  and  reception 
are  left  to  the  bride's  family,  and  there  is  really 
very  little  about  which  to  instruct  him.  Many 
men  wish  to  know  how  these  matters  should 
be  conducted,  and  a  short  review  is  here  given 
under  the  penalty  of  its  being  not  within  the 
scope  of  the  Complete  Bachelor. 

Weddings  in  society  are  celebrated  either  at 
church  or  at  the  home  of  the  bride.  The  church 
wedding  is  the  most  popular,  and  in  large  cities 
the  most  fashionable,  as  it  admits  of  the  pres 
ence  of  a  large  number  of  people  and  lends 
much  solemnity  to  the  occasion. 

The  fashionable  hour  for  a  wedding  is  from 
high  noon — midday — until  five  o'clock.  Even 
ing  weddings  have  within  the  past  five  years 
not  been  as  much  in  vogue  as  formerly. 

The  invitations  are  issued  within  a  fortnight 

172 


173 


of  the  ceremony.  The  formula  is  an  announce 
ment  engraved  on  a  sheet  of  heavy  cream  pa 
per  folded  in  two.  It  is  issued  in  the  name  of 
the  bride's  parents  or  guardian,  and  it  requests 
the  pleasure  of  the  guest's  presence  at  the  mar 
riage  of  their  daughter  or  ward  at  such  a  church 
or  such  a  number,  at  such  an  hour  of  the  day, 
month,  and  year.  A  separate  card,  inclosed, 
with  the  announcement  and  invitation  to  the 
church,  states  the  hours  of  the  reception.  The 
invitations  are  very  simple,  engraved  in  plain 
English  script,  and  the  paper  and  cards  are  of 
a  standard  quality  known  to  stationers  for  this 
purpose.  The  inner  one  is  addressed  only  with 
the  name  of  the  person  invited,  the  outer  one 
has  this  and  the  street,  the  street  number,  and 
full  directions  for  mailing.  Gilt-edged  or  fancy 
stationery  is  vulgar. 

I  herewith  append  some  examples.  The 
English  invariably  insist  on  the  R.  S.  V.  P.,  or 
"answer  if  you  please,"  on  even  church  invi 
tations.  This  is  not  the  regular  New  York 
custom. 

The  reason  for  this  is  that  in  England  those 
asked  to  the  church  are  always  expected  also 
at  the  reception.  Only  the  bridal  party  sit 
down  to  an  elaborate  breakfast,  the  other  guests 
being  given  the  very  lightest  of  refreshments. 


174  ®l)e  Complete  Bachelor. 

American  form : 

Mr.  and  Mrs. 


request  your  presence 

at  the  marriage  of  their  daughter 

Katherine 

to 

Mr. , 

Thursday,  February  the  twenty-eighth, 

at  twelve  o'clock. 

Grace  Church, 

Broadway  and  Tenth  Street. 

Also: 

Mr.  and  Mrs. 

request  the  honor  of  your  presence 
at  the  marriage  of  their  daughter 

Annie 
to 

Mr. 

on  (etc.). 


Mr.  and  Mrs. 


request  your  presence 
at  the  marriage  of  their  daughter 
Myra  Raymond 
to 

Mr. , 

Thursday,  February  the  twenty-eighth, 

at  twelve  o'clock. 

Grace  Church, 

Broadway  and  Tenth  Street. 


®l)e  Bachelor's  tOebbing.  175 


Mr.  and  Mrs. 


request  the  honor  of  your  presence 

at  the  marriage  of  their  daughter 

Annie 

to 

Mr. 

on  Tuesday  morning,  November  twenty-seventh, 
at  half  past  eleven  o'clock. 

St.  Leo's  Church, 
East  Twenty-eighth  Street. 

Please  present  this  card  at 

St.  Leo's  Church, 
November  twenty-seventh. 

English  form : 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  - 
request  the  pleasure  of 
Lord  and  Lady  -   —s 

company  at 

St.  Peter's,  Eaton  Square, 

on  Saturday,  November  4th,  at  two  o'clock, 

on  the  occasion  of  the  marriage  of  their  daughter 

Margaret  and  -  —, 

and  afterward  at  i  Grosvenor  Square. 

R.  S.  V.  P. 

Admit  bearer 

to 

St.  Peter's  Church,  Eaton  Square, 
on  November  4th,  1895,  at  two  o'clock. 


176  ®l)c  Qlomplctc  Bachelor. 

If  the  bride  whom  a  bachelor  is  marrying  is 
a  widow  and  lives  in  her  own  house,  the  invi 
tations  to  the  church  and  the  reception,  or  to 
either  or  both,  would  read  simply,  "  The  pleas 
ure  of  your  company  is  requested  at  the  wed 
ding,"  etc.,  with  a  separate  card  bearing  the 
word  reception  and  stating  the  hour  and  ad 
dress. 

Should  there  be  no  guests  at  the  wedding, 
and  should  it  be  conducted  very  quietly  or  pri 
vately,  it  is  necessary  that  announcement  cards 
be  sent  out  after  the  event  has  taken  place. 
These  are  issued  in  the  name  of  the  bride's 
parent,  parents,  or  guardian,  who  simply  an 
nounce  "the  marriage  of  their  daughter  [or 
ward]  Elizabeth  to  Mr.  Henry  Smith  Walcott, 
Thursday,  June  the  twentieth,  eighteen  hun 
dred  and  ninety-six."  In  the  left-hand  corner 
is  placed  the  address  of  those  sending  out  the 
cards.  A  card  is  also  inclosed  with  the  names 
of  the  newly  married  couple,  their  address,  and 
their  reception  day.  Should  there  be  neither 
parents  nor  guardians,  the  parties  to  the  con 
tract  can  announce  it  themselves  with  one  card 
thus:  "Mr.  William  Benham  Thorne  and  Miss 
Eleanore  Taylor,  married  on  Thursday,  Novem 
ber  the  seventh,  eighteen  hundred  and , 

New  York."  Another  card  can  also  be  in- 


Sacl)dor1s  tOcfcbing.  177 


closed,  on  which  is  the  new  address  of  the 
married  couple,  as  well  as  their  day  at  home. 
If  it  is  a  church  wedding,  and  there  are  neither 
guardians  nor  parents,  you  can  use  the  form, 
"  You  are  invited  to  be  present  at  the  wedding 
of  -  —  ,"  etc. 

A  too  rigid  economy  should  not  be  observed 
in  the  sending  of  wedding  invitations,  and  the 
prospective  bridegroom  should  see  that  this  is 
carried  out.  In  case  there  are  several  members 
of  a  family,  it  is  good  form  to  inclose  an  invi 
tation  to  each;  thus,  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Algernon 
Smith,  the  Misses  Smith,  and  Messrs.  Smith 
making  three  smaller  envelopes  inclosed  in  the 
larger  one  addressed  to  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Algernon 
Smith. 

As  I  have  advised  in  the  chapter  on  Cards, 
your  pasteboard  should  be  left  at  the  house  of 
those  in  whose  name  the  invitations  are  issued, 
even  if  you  are  asked  only  to  the  church.  If 
to  the  reception,  you  owe  two  visits  of  "di 
gestion  "  —  one  to  the  bride's  parents  and  one 
to  the  happy  pair. 

All  the  expenses  pertaining  to  a  wedding 
are  borne  by  the  bride's  parents.  The  bride 
groom,  however,  pays  the  clergyman's  fee 
and  provides  his  own  carriage,  cab,  or 
hansom  from  his  rooms  to  the  church.  This 


178  (Efye  Complete  Cadjdor. 

vehicle  is  also  sent  to  the  house  of  the  best 
man. 

All  expenses  after  the  marriage  are,  of  course, 
defrayed  by  the  bridegroom.  It  has  been  strict 
etiquette  for  the  bride  and  bridegroom  not  to 
use  the  family  carriage,  which  usually  takes 
them  from  the  church,  to  fetch  them  to  the 
railroad  station,  but  one  provided  by  the  bride 
groom.  It  is  frequently  a  matter  of  courtesy 
for  the  bride's  parents  to  offer  this  for  the  oc 
casion. 

The  bridegroom  should,  as  soon  as  the  wed 
ding  day  is  appointed,  choose  his  best  man 
and  his  ushers.  The  vogue  is  to  ask  his  near 
est  unmarried  male  relative  or  his  most  inti 
mate  bachelor  friend  to  serve  in  the  capacity  of 
best  man.  More  recently  a  number  of  very 
fashionable  New  Yorkers  have  had  married 
men  take  that  position,  and  thus  the  innova 
tion  has  sanction  through  the  action  of  the 
"smart  set."  A  married  best  man  is  said  to 
be  an  English  fad,  but  I  find  that  it  could  be 
more  correctly  termed  an  Anglo-Indian  mode, 
as  this  new  idea  is  much  more  popular  in  Cal 
cutta  and  Bombay  than  in  London. 

In  the  selection  of  ushers,  a  man  asks  usu 
ally  some  few  of  his  intimates  or  club  friends, 
and  through  courtesy  to  his  prospective  bride 


®l)e  Bachelor's  ttfcbMng.  179 

a  male  member  of  her  family,  frequently  her 
brother.  Six  ushers  are  the  usual  number,  al 
though  four  are  quite  sufficient.  Some  few 
men  have  been  known  to  dispense  with  the 
services  of  the  best  man  and  have  only  ushers, 
but  this  is  not  exactly  correct  at  a  fashionable 
church  wedding.  The  ushers  can  be  very  eas 
ily  omitted  if  the  ceremony  is  to  take  place  at 
the  house. 

The  bridegroom  presents  his  best  man  and 
his  ushers  with  their  ties,  their  gloves,  and  tie 
pin,  which  is  a  souvenir  of  the  occasion,  as 
well  as  their  boutonnieres,  or  "buttonholes,"  to 
accept  the  last  English  expression,  to  be  worn 
at  the  ceremony. 

The  tie,  gloves,  and  tie  pin  are  given  to 
the  best  man  and  the  ushers  at  the  farewell 
bachelor  dinner;  the  boutonnieres  are  ordered  at 
the  florist's  and  sent  to  them  on  the  morning 
of  the  wedding.  Lilies  of  the  valley  are  the 
favorite  wedding  flowers,  but  the  floral  ar 
rangements  are  regulated  by  the  bride's  family, 
who  possibly  have  a  certain  color  or  flower 
scheme  for  the  church  decorations,  and  the 
"buttonholes"  must  be  in  keeping. 

The  bridegroom  generally  provides  hansoms 
or  coupe's  to  drive  his  ushers  to  the  church  from 
their  respective  residences.  As  the  bride's  fam- 


i8o  ®l)c  (Eomplctc  Bachelor. 

ily  provides  the  carriages  for  the  cortege,  these 
other  vehicles  may  be  dismissed  at  the  church. 

The  bridegroom  himself  drives  to  the  church 
in  a  hansom  with  his  best  man. 

If  it  is  a  house  wedding  these  carriages  need 
not  be  provided.  In  this  country  the  bride 
groom  does  not  give  the  bridesmaids  any  token 
or  present.  In  England  he  presents  them  with 
brooches  or  bracelets.  In  New  York  the  bride 
presents  her  maid  of  honor  and  bridesmaids 
with  souvenirs  in  the  shape  of  lace  pins, 
brooches,  or  bracelets. 

The  bridegroom  always  gives  to  his  bride  a 
handsome  wedding  present,  which  is  to  be 
worn  or  carried  on  the  happy  day.  It  may  be 
a  diamond  tiara,  it  may  be  a  diamond  star,  it 
may  be  jewels  of  any  kind  which  he  can  ascer 
tain  would  be  acceptable  to  her,  or  it  may  be  a 
prayer  book.  The  bridegroom  does  not  provide 
any  part  of  the  bride's  costume. 

If  the  bride  should  carry  flowers  instead  of 
a  prayer  book,  this  special  bouquet  is  the  gift  of 
the  bridegroom,  but  the  flowers  for  the  brides 
maids  are  provided  by  the  bride. 

The  expenses  of  the  wedding  notices  in  the 
newspapers  and  the  fee  to  the  clergyman  are 
paid  by  the  bridegroom  through  the  agency  of 
the  best  man. 


Dacfydor's  tOebMng.  181 

The  wedding  ring  is  of  bright  burnished 
gold,  perfectly  plain.  The  date  of  the  wedding 
and  the  initials  of  the  happy  pair  should  be  en 
graved  on  the  inside.  The  ring  is  confided  to 
the  best  man,  who  produces  it  at  the  proper 
time  during  the  ceremony. 

It  is  customary  for  a  prospective  bridegroom 
to  purchase  or,  rather,  to  have  a  wedding  out 
fit  made.  Very  elaborate  affairs  of  this  kind 
are  not  in  good  taste,  and  anything  which  sug 
gests  the  occasion  is  certainly  vulgar.  Beyond 
the  clothes  for  the  ceremony,  there  should  be  a 
general  overhauling  of  the  wardrobe  and  shirts, 
undervests,  underclothes,  handkerchiefs,  and 
such  articles  must,  if  any  of  them  are  needed 
or  have  fallen  into  decay,  be  supplied  or  re 
newed.  All  this  is  a  matter  of  taste. 

The  bachelor  farewell  dinner  is  now  a  rec 
ognized  institution.  Perhaps  next  to  the  cere 
mony  itself,  it  is  regarded  as  the  most  impor 
tant  social  function  of  the  wedding  week. 

If  you  are  a  member  of  a  club,  your  farewell 
dinner  should  be  given  there  in  one  of  the  pri 
vate  dining  rooms.  Otherwise  it  is  perfectly 
correct  to  have  it  at  a  well-known  restaurant 
or  hotel,  in,  of  course,  a  private  dining  room. 
You  may  have  it  at  your  own  house,  and,  should 
your  parents  be  living  and  you  reside  with 


182  ®l)c  (Complete  JJadjelor. 

them,  it  can  be  given  at  home.  The  club, 
however,  is  really  first  choice.  Sometimes  the 
strictly  bachelor  dinner  is  dispensed  with,  and 
in  its  stead  a  dinner  is  given  to  the  entire  bridal 
party  by  the  family  of  the  bride.  This  does 
away  with  the  presumed  selfishness  of  the 
"stag"  dinner,  and  the  possible  excuse  for 
some  one  or  more  of  the  guests  to  become  ex 
hilarated — a.  finale,  I  am  grieved  to  say,  that  has 
happened  on  more  than  one  occasion. 

At  the  stag  dinner  you  should  have  your 
best  man,  your  ushers,  and  several  of  your 
friends.  You  can  invite  a  married  man  or  so, 
especially  if  he  is  a  very  jolly  fellow,  and  it  is 
expected  that  some  one  or  more  of  your  bride's 
relatives  will  be  included.  Twelve  is  a  good 
number,  but,  of  course,  never  thirteen,  because 
women  are  generally  superstitious,  and  should 
this  become  known  to  your  future  one  it  might 
cause  her  great  mental  anxiety. 

The  gloves,  ties,  and  tie  or  scarf  pins  to  be 
given  to  the  best  man  and  ushers  are  placed  in 
white  boxes  tied  with  white  satin  ribbon  and  put 
in  the  outer  room  to  be  handed  to  each  man  as 
he  bids  adieu.  Perhaps  it  might  be  more  pru 
dent  to  place  them  at  the  covers,  but  it  would 
hardly  be  good  form,  as  there  would  be  in  that 
case  several  of  the  guests  without  favors.  And, 


's  tUebMng.  183 


besides,  a  dinner  with  favors  is  not  permissible 
in  these  days. 

Boutonnieres  of  lilies  of  the  valley  should  be 
also  placed  at  each  cover.  The  menu  cards 
should  be  simple  but  tasteful.  Elaborate  menus 
are  not  now  in  the  best  form.  In  fact,  with  a 
bachelor  dinner,  as  with  all  functions  of  this 
kind,  elegant  simplicity  should  be  the  pre 
dominating  characteristic;  cut  glass  and  silver 
are  all  that  is  required.  In  the  center  of  the 
table  a  basket,  or,  better,  a  silver  jardiniere  of 
roses,  is  the  only  floral  decoration.  During  the 
course  of  the  dinner  these  flowers  are  removed 
and  are  sent  to  the  bride-elect.  It  is  some 
times  the  custom  —  and  a  very  pretty  one  —  for 
each  guest  to  note  a  sentiment  on  a  menu  card 
or  simply  his  own  name,  and  have  that  sent 
also  with  the  flowers. 

The  dinner  itself  can,  but  need  not  be  very 
elaborate.  I  do  not  like  a  dinner  of  many 
courses.  It  is  usual  to  serve  sherry  and  whis 
ky  and  caviare  sandwiches  in  the  anteroom  be 
fore  dinner,  and  also  to  have  cigars  and  ciga 
rettes  galore  there  as  well  as  at  table,  although 
it  is  not  permissible  to  smoke  before  the  cheese 
is  served.  I  would  recommend  raw  oysters,  a 
clear  soup,  a  bit  of  fish  with  sliced  cucumber  — 
an  attractive  entree  ;  a  fillet  with  vegetables, 


(Complete  Bachelor. 


canvas-back  duck,   cheese   and   salad,   coffee, 
and  fruit. 

THE  CEREMONY. 

On  the  morning  of  the  wedding  the  bride 
groom  is  called  for  in  the  hansom  or  cab  which 
has  been  ordered  for  himself  and  the  best  man. 
The  best  man  calls  for  him  and  takes  him  to 
the  church.  They  should  time  their  move 
ments  so  as  to  arrive  at  least  five  minutes  be 
fore  the  hour  appointed  for  the  ceremony. 
The  same  precaution  should  be  observed  if  it 
is  a  house  wedding. 

At  day  weddings  afternoon  dress  is  de 
rigueur  for  bridegroom,  best  man,  ushers,  and 
all  male  guests.  The  bridegroom,  best  man, 
and  ushers  should  be  dressed  alike  in  frock 
coats  and  waistcoats  to  match,  trousers  of  dark 
gray  striped,  patent-leather  shoes,  gray  suede 
gloves,  white  or  pearl-colored  scarfs,  and  top 
hats. 

The  English  have  allowed  some  latitude, 
and  wear  gray  frock  coats  and  even  colored 
shirts,  but  this  fashion  is  not  generally  in  vogue 
in  America.  Evening  weddings  require  formal 
evening  dress.  A  wedding  at  dusk  in  winter, 
where  the  bride  wears  traveling  costume,  calls 
for  afternoon  dress  on  the  part  of  the  bride 
groom. 


185 


The  bridegroom  and  best  man  alight  at  the 
vestry.  They  remain  in  the  back  of  the  chan 
cel  until  the  first  notes  of  the  wedding  march 
notify  them  of  the  presence  of  the  bride.  The 
best  man  must  see  before  the  ceremony  that 
the  bridegroom's  top  hat,  as  well  as  his  own, 
is  sent  to  the  entrance  of  the  church  to  be 
handed  to  the  respective  owners  on  their  exit. 

When  the  bride,  on  the  arm  of  her  father 
or  guardian,  approaches  the  altar,  the  bride 
groom  and  best  man  walk  out  from  the  vestry, 
either  together  or  the  best  man  in  advance. 
In  the  latter  case  the  best  man  steps  back  at 
the  chancel  rail,  and  allows  the  bridegroom  to 
pass  before  him.  The  bridegroom  stands  on 
the  right-hand  side  of  the  altar  or  reading  desk 
and  the  best  man  on  his  right.  The  bride  is 
on  the  bridegroom's  left,  and  her  father  or 
guardian  a  little  behind  her  on  her  left. 

To  avoid  confusion,  the  ceremony  is  gen 
erally  rehearsed  an  evening  or  two  before. 
Much  depends  on  the  liturgy  of  the  communion 
to  which  the  couple  belong.  The  best  man 
has  charge  of  the  ring,  and  must  produce  it 
and  hand  it  to  the  clergyman  at  the  time  it  is 
demanded. 

At  the  conclusion  of  the  ceremony  the  best 
man  precedes  the  bride  and  bridegroom  in  the 
13 


1  86  (£l)e  Complete 


procession,  escorting  the  maid  of  honor,  un 
less  the  cortege  has  been  differently  arranged. 
In  that  case,  he  makes  his  way  either  through 
the  vestry  or  down  one  of  the  aisles  to  the 
church  door,  where  he  superintends  the  filing 
away  of  the  bridal  carriages  and  party.  At  the 
reception  he  goes  in  to  breakfast  with  the  maid 
of  honor,  or  with  a  near  relative  of  the  bride's 
family.  He  may  use  the  bridegroom's  hansom 
from  the  church  to  the  house,  or  he  may  go 
with  one  of  the  family.  There  is  no  rule  for 
this.  The  bride  and  bridegroom  use  the  bride's 
carriage. 

The  best  man  is  intrusted  also  with  the 
paying  of  the  clergyman.  The  bridegroom 
will  give  him  a  check  for  this  purpose.  As 
already  stated,  he  also  inserts  the  marriage 
notices  in  the  newspapers,  the  funds  for  which 
are  also  provided  by  the  bridegroom.  He  pays 
his  own  personal  expenses. 

The  ushers  meet  in  the  church  about  an 
hour  before  the  ceremony.  The  bridegroom 
generally  puts  carriages  at  their  disposal,  but 
that  is  not  in  the  least  obligatory.  They  can 
take  hansoms  or  cabs,  or  for  that  matter  go  to 
the  rendezvous  in  the  car  or  stage.  The  ush 
ers  stand  at  the  foot  of  the  nave  or  aisle  and 
busy  themselves  escorting  guests  to  seats. 


Bachelor's  tOcbbing.  187 


An  usher  offers  his  right  arm  to  the  lady  he 
escorts  up  the  aisle.  Even  if  a  lady  should  be 
accompanied  by  her  husband  or  escort,  the 
usher  should  offer  her  his  arm,  and  the  other 
man  walks  up  behind  them.  If  an  usher 
should  not  have  had  the  formality  of  an  intro 
duction  to  the  lady  he  is  showing  to  a  seat,  a 
bow  and  a  smile  when  leaving  her  is  all  that 
is  necessary.  An  usher,  being  a  friend  of  the 
family,  knows  those  who  ought  to  go  beyond 
the  ribbon  and  those  who  are  not  relatives  or 
family  connections.  The  bride's  brothers,  if 
they  are  ushers,  take  care  of  the  members  of 
their  family,  and  the  intimate  friends  of  the 
bridegroom  of  his  relations.  The  relatives  of 
the  bride  are  placed  in  the  front  pews  beyond 
the  ribbon  on  the  right-hand  side  of  the  altar, 
and  the  bridegroom's  on  the  left-hand  side. 
At  the  arrival  of  the  bridal  party  the  ushers  get 
together  and  form  in  the  back  of  the  church 
for  the  procession  up  the  aisle  or  nave.  Their 
meeting  thus  is  the  cue  for  the  sexton,  who 
signals  the  organist,  and  the  march  is  started. 
The  ushers  advance  up  the  aisle,  two  by  two, 
until  they  reach  the  chancel,  where  they  divide 
on  the  right  and  on  the  left,  allowing  the 
bridesmaids  to  pass  before  them,  standing  in  a 
semicircle  around  the  altar  rails.  If  it  is  a  Ro- 


i88  (Elje  Complete  Bachelor. 

man  Catholic  wedding  they  genuflect  as  they 
reach  the  chancel.  They  file  down  the  aisle 
in  the  same  order,  heading  the  bridal  proces 
sion.  At  the  carriage  way  they  assist  the 
bridesmaids  in  their  carriages,  and  by  previous 
arrangement  they  are  allotted  to  certain  car 
riages  escorting  the  bridesmaids. 

At  the  reception  the  bride  and  bridegroom 
take  their  places  under  a  wedding  bell  of 
flowers  or  in  the  front  drawing  room  between 
the  two  front  windows,  or,  again,  in  the  back 
drawing  room.  The  house  is  decorated  with 
palms,  potted  plants,  flowers,  and  other  foli 
age.  Pink  and  white  orchids,  ferns,  and  chrys 
anthemums  make  very  effective  decorations. 
The  mother  of  the  bride,  or  nearest  female 
relative,  stands  at  the  door  of  the  drawing  room 
and  greets  the  guests.  The  ushers  and  brides 
maids  are  scattered  about  the  room.  If  there 
is  only  a  reception,  then  the  guests,  after  ex 
changing  greetings  with  the  lady  of  the  house, 
pass  on  and  shake  hands  with  and  congratu 
late  the  bridegroom  and  wish  the  bride  joy. 
Unless  you  are  an  intimate  friend,  do  not  at 
tempt  any  set  speech.  The  bride  will  say,  if 
she  has  not  seen  you  for  a  short  time  before 
the  wedding,  "I  must  thank  you,  Mr.  Smith, 
for  your  beautiful  present,"  or  something  of 


®l)c  Bachelor's  tOcbMng.  189 

that  kind.  If  you  do  not  know  the  bridegroom 
she  will  present  you  to  him.  If  you  are  a 
friend  of  the  bridegroom  he  will  present  you 
to  the  bride,  and  should  say,  if  such  is  the 
case,  "  Evangeline,"  or  "  May,"  or  "  Margaret," 
or  otherwise;  or  "  My  dear,  let  me  present  to 
you  Mr.  Algernon  Smith,  who,  you  remem 
ber,  is  one  of  my  best  friends."  And  if  Mrs. 

-has  any  tact,  she  will  at  once  reply,  "I 
am  so  pleased  to  meet  any  of  my  husband's 
old  friends,  and  I  must  thank  you,  Mr.  Smith, 
for  the  beautiful  bonbon  dishes.  They  were 
just  what  I  wanted,"  or  words  to  that  effect. 
Then  pass  on.  Refreshments  are  served  at  a 
wedding  reception  from  a  buffet  in  the  dining 
room.  If  you  enter  with  a  lady,  ask  her  what 
she  would  like,  and  get  it  for  her.  Then  take 
your  own  choice  of  refreshment,  and  stand  or 
sit  by  her  as  the  accommodations  of  the  room 
will  permit.  A  half  hour  at  a  wedding  recep 
tion  is  sufficient.  It  is  not  good  form  to  bid 
good-by  to  the  bride  and  bridegroom,  but  only 
to  the  lady  of  the  house. 

If  there  is  no  chaperon — for  instance,  if  the 
bride  be  a  widow  or  divorcee  and  is  in  her 
own  home — then  you  must  bid  her  good-by, 
but  in  such  cases  large  receptions  are  not  given. 

There  is  always  a  breakfast  or  luncheon  set 


i9°  ®l)e  (Complete  Sculjelor. 

for  the  bridal  party,  at  which  the  bride,  escorted 
by  the  bridegroom,  leads  the  way.  The  bride's 
father,  escorting  the  bridegroom's  mother,  the 
ushers  and  bridesmaids  and  relatives  follow.  In 
this  country  we  have  no  special  law  of  prece 
dence,  and  these  bridal  luncheons  are  more  or 
less  informal.  There  are  no  toasts. 

After  breakfast  the  valet,  should  there  be 
one,  must  be  ready  with  the  bridegroom's  va 
lise,  when  his  master  retires  to  put  on  a  tweed 
suit  for  traveling;  otherwise  it  can  be  laid  out 
by  one  of  the  servants.  With  the  coachman 
on  the  box  and  amid  the  usual  shower  of  rice 
and  slippers,  as  also  the  fusillade  of  a  battery  of 
eyes  from  neighbors'  windows,  and  perhaps  a 
crowd  of  street  urchins  and  admiring  servants, 
the  happy  couple  start  out  on  their  wedding 
journey.  I  think  it  is  better  taste  to  wait  until 
dark,  almost,  so  as  to  avoid  all  this  unseemly 
publicity,  and  I  am  averse  to  having  the  coach 
man  and  horses  decked  with  white  ribbons; 
but,  of  course,  one  does  not  marry  every  day  in 
the  year,  and  these  little  eccentricities  are  par 
donable  on  such — shall  I  say? — an  "auspi 
cious  "  occasion. 

At  a  home  wedding,  as  has  been  said  above, 
ushers  are  not  necessary.  The  same  ceremo 
nial  is  observed  as  at  church,  but  due  allow- 


®l]e  Bachelor's  tOcbbing.  191 

ance  must  be  made  for  crowded  quarters. 
Usually  very  few  are  asked  to  the  ceremony, 
but  many  to  the  reception  afterward.  As  soon 
as  the  ceremony  is  over  congratulations  are  in 
order,  the  newly  married  couple  standing  un 
der  the  bell  of  flowers  where  they  were  mar 
ried,  and  receiving  the  good  wishes  of  their 
friends. 

If  a  man  marries  abroad  there  are  many  an 
noying  bits  of  red  tape  to  be  considered.  In 
London  you  are  obliged  to  have  a  legal  resi 
dence  in  the  parish  where  the  ceremony  is  to  be 
performed.  In  Paris  a  civil  marriage  before  the 
mayor  of  the  district  is  necessary.  Certificates 
of  baptism  must  be  filed  with  him,  and  you 
must  give  proof  of  the  legal  consent  of  both 
your  parents  as  well  as  those  of  the  bride.  The 
religious  ceremony  takes  place  twenty-four 
hours  after  the  civil.  It  is  strict  etiquette  that 
the  contracting  parties  do  not  see  each  other 
during  this  interim. 

The  order  of  the  wedding  procession  in 
France  and  on  the  Continent  differs  vastly 
from  that  in  England  and  America.  There  are 
neither  ushers  nor  a  best  man.  If  there  are 
bridesmaids  the  groomsmen  accompany  them. 
The  bride  enters  on  the  arm  of  her  father  pre 
ceded  by  the  attendants,  and  the  bridegroom 


i92  ®f)e  Complete  Bachelor. 

follows,  escorting  his  future  mother-in-law. 
A  long  procession  of  relatives  brings  up  the 
rear.  The  men,  no  matter  at  what  time  of 
the  day  the  ceremony  might  take  place — and 
evening  weddings  are  unknown — are  in  for 
mal  evening  dress. 

Under  the  French  law  also  no  widow  or 
divorcee  can  remarry  until  ten  months  have 
elapsed  since  the  dissolution  of  the  previous 
contract.  This  should  not  be  forgotten  by 
bachelors  contemplating  matrimony  with 
either  one  of  these  classes  of  eligibles.  In 
Germany  there  are  further  complications,  and 
I  would  advise  all  citizens  of  the  United  States 
contemplating  matrimony  there  to  consult  the 
consul  or  minister  at  the  legation. 


CHAPTER   XX. 

FUNERALS. 

WHEN  a  death  occurs  in  the  house  all  mat 
ters  should  at  once  be  placed  in  charge  of  a 
relative  or  a  friend  of  the  family.  The  family 
itself  should  be  kept  away  from  every  one  as 
much  as  possible,  and  none  of  the  sad  details 
left  to  them.  They  should  not  be  seen  until 
the  day  of  the  funeral.  Front  windows  should 
be  shut,  blinds  and  shades  pulled  down,  and 
the  outer  or  storm  door  of  the  house  closed. 
A  servant  is  stationed  in  the  hall  near  the  door, 
as  on  reception  days,  to  receive  the  cards  of 
persons  calling.  All  acquaintances  who  have 
been  entertained  at  the  house  leave  cards  in 
person,  others  may  mail  them.  Only  intimate 
friends  of  the  family  are  admitted  to  the  house. 

Should  you  send  flowers,  do  not  purchase 
or  order  any  set  designs.  They  are  hideous — 
remind  one  of  the  tenement  funerals,  and  are 
strikingly  inappropriate.  A  bunch  of  white 

193 


194  ®l)e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

roses  or  of  violets  is  a  beautiful  offering  for 
a  young  woman,  or  two  palms  crossed,  with 
violets  or  lilies  of  the  valley  attached,  for 
a  man  or  an  elderly  person.  These  should  be 
accompanied  by  your  card.  If  you  have  been 
an  intimate  friend,  a  few  words  written — a 
short  note  of  condolence — would  not  be  amiss. 
To  all  of  these  notes,  and  in  acknowledgment 
of  these  offerings,  one  of  the  family  nearest  the 
deceased  in  relationship  should  respond  by 
sending  their  card  with  the  words,  "Thank 
you  for  your  kind  sympathy,"  or  something  of 
that  sort,  written  upon  it. 

As  a  rule,  when  the  deceased  is  a  young 
man  who  belongs  to  several  clubs  or  who  has 
a  numerous  acquaintance,  it  is  better  to  have 
the  funeral  from  a  church.  Pallbearers  are 
chosen  from  among  his  intimate  friends;  a 
relative  never  acts  as  pallbearer.  It  is  not  cus 
tomary  for  any  except  the  nearest  relatives  to 
go  to  the  cemetery.  Ladies  of  the  family  do 
not  accompany  the  remains  to  the  cemetery, 
and  they  frequently  do  not  attend  the  funeral 
services  at  the  church  if  the  deceased  is  a  man. 

If  the  funeral  services  are  held  at  the  house 
the  relatives  and  intimate  friends  are  invited 
into  the  back  parlor,  dining  room,  or  upstairs, 
and  make  their  appearance  only  when  the 


.funerals.  195 

services  begin.  The  undertaker  attends  to 
seating  people,  arranging  the  rooms,  etc. 

There  is  only  one  proper  dress  for  a  man  to 
wear  at  a  funeral.  It  should  consist  of  black 
frock  coat,  dark  trousers,  dark  scarf  and  gloves 
(gray  or  dark  tan,  but  not  black,  unless  you 
are  a  relative),  and  top  hat.  Should  you  be  a 
relative  or  a  pallbearer,  wear  a  black  weed  on 
your  hat. 

As  to  periods  of  mourning,  there  seems  to 
be  some  little  difference  of  opinion  in  New 
York.  Ward  McAllister  treated  the  subject 
in  quite  an  exhaustive  manner,  advocating 
short  mourning  terms  even  for  the  nearest 
relatives.  For  a  wife  eighteen  months  is  con 
sidered  the  proper  thing;  for  a  parent,  twelve 
to  eighteen  months,  sometimes  two  years;  for 
a  brother  or  a  sister,  one  year;  and  fora  grand 
parent,  six  months.  A  maternal  or  paternal 
uncle  or  aunt  is  entitled  to  about  two  months 
or  less,  according  to  the  intimacy  which  has 
existed  between  the  families.  Seclusion  from 
society  is  generally  consonant  with  mourning 
for  near  relatives.  However,  people  now  go 
to  the  theater  and  small  dinners  and  teas  after 
nine  months  of  mourning  for  the  very  nearest 
relatives. 

It  is  not  necessary  for  a  man  to  shroud  him- 


196  ®l)c  (Complete  Bachelor. 

self  in  black.  A  silk  hat  with  a  crape  band 
nearly  to  the  top  should  be  worn  by  widowers 
during  the  first  year  of  their  widowerhood; 
but  black  shirt  studs,  black  sleeve  buttons, 
handkerchiefs  bordered  with  black,  and  the 
other  abominations  in  which  the  grief-stricken 
Frenchman  arrays  himself  are  not  tolerated  in 
this  country.  In  deep  mourning  one  can  wear 
black  ties  and  black  gloves,  but  a  white  linen 
tie  in  summer  is  permissible.  I  do  not  advo 
cate  the  use  of  black  scarf  pins.  A  black  band 
on  the  sleeve  of  a  gray  suit  is  also  another 
affectation  which  should  be  avoided.  Cards 
should  be  left  after  a  funeral. 

There  is  no  code  of  etiquette  established  as 
yet  for  divorce.  Second  marriages  should  be 
as  quiet  as  possible.  This  advice  is  given  to 
bachelors  who  are  contemplating  matrimony 
with  divorcees. 

GENERAL  ADVICE   FOR  UNCLASSIFIED  OCCASIONS. 

If  you  are  chosen  godfather,  you  are  ex 
pected  to  send  a  silver  mug  to  your  godchild. 
Christening  parties  are  held  about  four  in  the 
afternoon.  Afternoon  dress  is  required. 

When  giving  a  dinner  or  any  entertainment 
at  a  certain  well-known  New  York  restaurant 


funerals.  197 

do  not  refer  to  it  as  "Del's."  This  is  an  ear 
mark  of  vulgarity. 

When  speaking  of  the  city  of  New  York  do 
not  refer  to  it  as  "Gotham."  This  shows  the 
worst  kind  of  provincialism  and  a  vulgar  spirit. 

Even  should  your  friends  be  among  the 
most  exclusive  and  fashionable  in  any  place, 
they  are  never  "swells,"  nor  do  they  belong 
to  the  "Four  Hundred."  The  latter  term  was 
once  used  by  a  gentleman  to  designate  the 
probable  list  of  people  who  were  to  entertain 
in  New  York  that  season,  and  has  no  bearing 
whatever  upon  the  question  of  social  limit. 

If  you  send  flowers  never  have  them  ar 
ranged  in  set  designs.  Fair  voyagers  will  thank 
you  much  more  if  you  send  fruit,  sweets,  or 
books,  as  flowers  on  shipboard  or  railroad  trains 
are  nuisances.  Books,  sweets,  and  flowers  are 
the  only  gifts  which  a  bachelor  can  offer  or  a 
woman  accept  from  him. 

The  terms  "lady"  and  "gentleman  "  are 
distinctive.  Your  friends  and  acquaintances 
are  all  supposed  to  be  ladies  and  gentlemen. 
To  distinguish  them  as  such  implies  a  doubt. 
Should  you  call  at  a  house  you  ask  if  the 
"  ladies  "  are  in,  so  as  to  distinguish  them  from 
the  other  females  in  the  household.  You  also 
toast  the  "ladies."  In  referring  to  the  gentler 


i98  ®f)e  (Complete  Bachelor. 

sex,  it  is  more  complimentary  to  speak  of  them 
a  "women."  You  would  say,  "She  is  a 
clever  woman,"  not  a  "clever  lady."  The 
person  who  speaks  of  "a  lady  or  a  gentleman 
friend  "  has  a  defined  social  position — on  the 
Bowery. 

Avoid  slang,  especially  that  of  the  music 
halls  or  the  comic  (?)  newspapers.  You  can 
well  afford  not  to  be  "  up  to  date." 

In  greeting  a  person  say  "Good  morning," 
"Good  afternoon,"  or  "Good  evening,"  but 
refrain  from  such  inane  phrases  as  "  Delighted, 
I'm  sure."  On  introduction  or  presentation,  it 
is  sufficient  to  say  "I  am  delighted  to  meet 
you."  Avoid  also  the  "  How  d'y do?"  "How 
are  you  ?  "  "  Very  well,  I  thank  you."  All  this 
is  idiotic. 

Whistle  all  you  like  in  your  bedroom,  but 
not  in  public. 

Gentlefolk  have  "friends"  stopping  with 
them,  never  "company."  Servants  have  and 
keep  "  company. 

When  you  refer  to  wine  it  means  any  kind 
of  vintage,  and  not  necessarily  champagne. 
Therefore  beware  of  the  "gentleman  who  opens 
wine,"  or  the  one  who  gives  a  "wine  party," 
whatever  that  may  mean.  We  speak  of  a  din 
ner,  but  not  of  a  dinner  party.  A  party  to  the 


fnncrals.  199 

play,  no  matter  where  the  location  of  the  places 
may  be,  is  never  a  "box  party." 

Do  not  be  a  professed  jester  nor  yet  a  pun 
ster.  The  clowns  of  society  are  not  enviable 
beings. 

When  speaking  of  a  fashionable  woman  do 
not  refer  to  her  as  a  "  society  woman."  That 
would  imply  that  she  belongs  to  various  socie 
ties  or  guilds,  which  is  not  probably  the  im 
pression  you  desire  to  convey. 

When  a  person  has  a  predilection  for  the 
use  of  the  word  ' '  elegant, "  and  especially  when 
it  is  employed  in  the  sense  of  beautiful,  good, 
charming,  or  delightful,  you  are  quite  just  in 
your  estimation  of  his  or  her  vulgarity. 

Answers  to  questions  should  be  given  in 
the  direct  affirmative  or  the  direct  negative. 
"All  right"  is  not,  to  say  the  least,  civil,  and 
is  ill-bred. 

Never  exhibit  your  accomplishments,  unless 
"by  special  request,"  in  the  public  parlors  of 
hotels,  or  saloons  of  ships,  or  other  places  of 
general  gathering.  The  persons  who  sing  and 
play  the  piano  and  make  themselves  bores  are 
as  reprehensible  as  the  window  opening  and 
shutting  fiends,  the  fidgety  travelers,  the  loud- 
voiced  and  constant  complaining,  all  of  whom 
are  most  obnoxious. 


Complete  Bachelor. 


Under  great  provocation  the  expletive 
"damn"  is  tolerated  by  society,  but  it  should 
be  whispered  and  not  pronounced  aloud.  The 
man  who  swears  is  certainly  beyond  the  pale, 
and  the  one  who  uses  silly  and  senseless  ex 
clamations  is  not  far  away  from  him.  One  of 
the  marks  of  a  gentleman  is  his  complete  mas 
tery  of  himself  under  the  most  trying  and  ag 
gravating  circumstances. 

These  are  but  few  of  the  many  "don'ts" 
which  it  seems  necessary  to  repeat  in  works 
of  this  kind.  For  a  more  extended  catalogue 
of  social  and  grammatical  sins,  the  reader  is 
referred  to  that  excellent  book  The  Verbalist, 
by  Alfred  Ayres,  and  the  clever  little  brochure 
Don't.  A  careful  study  of  these  will  assist 
him  much  in  reviewing  elementary  questions, 
the  knowledge  of  which  was  taken  for  granted 
by  the  author  of  the  Complete  Bachelor. 


INDEX. 


ACCEPTANCE,  invitations,  46- 
48. 

Admission  to  clubs,  rules  for, 
127-129. 

Admission,  visitors  to  clubs, 
131,  132. 

Advice,  general,  for  unclassi 
fied  occasions,  195,  196. 

Afternoon  calls,  etiquette  of, 

43-45- 
Afternoon  dress,  when  worn, 

12,  13. 

Afternoon  tea,  45. 
Afternoon  wedding,  184,  185. 
Aisle,    church    and    theater, 

going  up,  5. 
Almonds,  salted,  69. 
Alpine  hats,  28. 
Amateur      accomplishments, 

199. 

Announcement  cards,  1 76. 
Announcement,  engagement, 


method  of,  169. 
14 


Answers,  Assembly  and  Pa 
triarchs,  48. 

Answers,  ball  invitations, 
48. 

Answers,  committee  invita 
tions,  48. 

Answers,  dinner  invitations, 
48. 

Answers,  form  of,  46-48. 

Answers,  general,  48. 

Artichokes,  method  of  eating, 
70. 

Asparagus,  method  of  eating, 
70. 

Assembly  balls,  etiquette  of, 
48,  105-1 I0- 

BACHELOR. — For  all  functions 
with  this  title,  see  various 
heads  of  chapters. 

Bachelor's  farewell  dinner, 
181-184. 

Badminton,  148. 


201 


202 


(Complete  Bachelor. 


Bag,  shoe,  30. 

Bag,  traveling,  what  to  take 

on  a  visit  from  Friday  to 

Monday,  91-93. 
Bag,  traveling,  voyage  long, 

1 60,  1 6 1 . 

Ball,  Assembly,  105-110. 
Ball,  Charily,  103. 
Ball,  general  etiquette  of,  48, 

i 02- i 10. 

Ball,  Inauguration,  104. 
Ball,  public,  48,  103,  104. 
Ball,  supper  at,  1 10,  1 1 1. 
Bath,  bachelor's,  17,  18. 
Bathing,  156. 
Bath,  Turkish,  22. 
Beard,  care  of,  19. 
Best  man,  dress  for,  184. 
Best  man,  etiquette  for,  180- 

182,  184-187. 
Bicycling,  144,  145. 
Billiards,  157,  158. 
Boating,  156. 
Bolting  food,  62. 
Boots,  12,  13,  28-30,  37. 
Boots,  care  of,  28-30. 
Boots,  riding,  142. 
Boots,    russet,    13,    42,    147, 

'55- 
Bowing,    etiquette    of,    2-6, 

9- 

Bowling,  147. 
Bridegroom,  178-180. 


Bridegroom,  dress  of,  184. 
Bridegroom,  expenses  of,  1 77^ 

.78. 
Bridegroom,  presents  to  bride 

and   wedding   party,    179, 

1 80. 

Brushes,  19-26,  28-31. 
Brushes,  clothes,  25,  26,  28- 

31- 

Brushes,  hair,  19,  22. 
Brushes,  hat,  28. 
Brushes,  nail,  22. 
Brushes,  tooth,  20. 
Butler,  duties  of,  100. 
Butter,  when  served,  66. 

Cabs,  London  and  Paris,  164, 

,65. 
Cabs,  ushers  and  best  men, 

184,  1 86. 

Calls,  afternoon,  43-46. 
Calls,  balls  and  dances,  45. 
Calls,  condolence,  45,  193. 
Calls,  dinner,  45. 
Calls,  evening,  43,  46. 
Calls,    general    etiquette   of, 

43-46,  106,  193. 
Calls,  opera  and  theater,  45, 

46. 
Calls,  period  in  which  to  be 

made,  45. 
Card  cases,  50. 
Card  parties,  55. 


203 


Cards,    announcement,    1 76, 

177. 

Cards,  condolence,  50,  195. 
Cards,    etiquette   of  leaving, 

52,  53- 
Cards,   etiquette  of  playing, 

159- 
Cards,   etiquette   of  visiting, 

49-53,  1 06,  193. 
Cards,  how  many  to  leave, 

5'- 
Cards,  leaving  in  person,  50, 

5'- 

Cards,  mailing,  150. 
Cards,  wedding,  174-176. 
Carriage,     etiquette     of,     4, 

139. 
Cars,    etiquette   in  street,  4, 

8,9. 

Carving,  65. 
Ceremony,     wedding,     184, 

.85. 
Chafed  faces,  how  to  prevent, 

'9- 

Chafing-dish  suppers,  78. 
Chains,  watch,  16. 
Champagne,  71,  77,  78,  81. 
Changing  clothes,  23,  24. 
Chaperones,   76,  79,  82,  87, 

109. 

Cheating  at  games,  154. 
Christening,  etiquette  of,  196. 
Church,  aisles,  going  up,  5. 


Church,  ceremony  at  wed 
dings,  184,  185. 

Churches,  foreign,  166. 

Claret,  71. 

Cleaning  clothes,  31. 

Clergy,  addressing,  manner 
of,  122,  1 68. 

Closets,  clothes  put  in,  26. 

Clothes,  care  of,  24-31. 

Clothes,  cost  of,  32-42. 

Clothes,  folding  and  brush 
ing,  24-31. 

Clothes,  overhauling,  30. 

Clothes,  packing  and  putting 
away,  30,  31,  91-93. 

Clothes,  removing  and  chang 
ing,  23-27. 

Clothes,  removing  grease 
stains  from,  31. 

Clowns  of  society,  199. 

Club,  admission  of  visitors, 
131,  132. 

Club,  admission  to,  128-130. 

Club,  bowing  from,  window, 
134. 

Club,  elections  to  member 
ship,  128-130. 

Clubs,  etiquette  of,  126- 
136. 

Club,  pipe  smoking  at,  133. 

Club  servants,  134. 

Club,  treating  at,  134. 

Club,  wearing  hat  at,  133. 


204 


(Complete 


Club,  where  ladies  are  ad 
mitted,  135. 

Coaching,  143,  144. 

Coaching,  dress  for,  144. 

Coachman,  dress  of  and  liv 
ery,  98. 

Coachman,  duties  of,  98. 

Coat  of  arms,  121. 

Coats,  care,  folding,  and 
keeping  of,  24-26. 

Coats,  cost  of,  33-36,  38. 

Coats,  dinner  or  Tuxedo,  15, 

35- 
Coats,  dinner  or  Tuxedo,  cost 

of,  35. 
Coats,  dress  or  evening,  when 

to  wear,  13,  56,   164-167, 

1 86. 

Coats,  frock,  cost  of,  38. 
Coats,  frock,  when  to  wear, 

12,  13,  1 86,  187,  195. 
Coats,  frock,  colored,  13. 
Coats,  lounge  or  sack,   10- 

12. 
Coffee,  black,  when  served, 

73- 

"  Company,"  198. 
Condolence,  letters  of,  125. 
Congratulation,     letters     of, 

125. 

Corn,  eating  on  cob,  72. 
Correspondence,  etiquette  of 

business,  120-123. 


Correspondence,  etiquette  of 
friendly,  119-121,  124. 

Cotillon,  etiquette  of,  1 1 2- 
118. 

Cotillon,  figures  of,  1 16-1 18. 

Cotillon,  form  of,  112-115. 

Cotillon,  leading  a,  1 13-1 15. 

Country  house,  entertaining 
by  bachelor,  86-89. 

Country  house,  etiquette  at, 
85-93. 

Country  house,  furnishing  of, 
88. 

Country  house,  tipping  serv 
ants  at,  90. 

Country  house,  visits  at,  88- 
90. 

Crests,  use  of,  121. 

Crossing  legs  in  public,  8. 

Crossing  streets,  1,2. 

Cucumbers,  how  served  and 
eaten,  69. 

Customhouse,  French  and 
English,  166,  167. 

"  Damn,"  when   it  may  be 

excused,  200. 
Dance  card,  not  used  in  New 

York,  1 08. 
Dance,     etiquette     of,     102- 

118. 
Dance,   forms  of,   109,   1 14- 

118. 


lube*. 


205 


Dance,  manner  of  asking  to, 

108. 

Dances,  bachelor,  82. 
Dances,  dinner,  60. 
Dances,  invitations  to,  48. 
"  Del's,"  197. 
Diamonds,  16. 
Dinner,     bachelor     farewell, 

161,  162. 
Dinner,     bachelor    host     at 

home,  77,  78. 

Dinner,  bachelor  host  at  res 
taurant,  83. 

Dinner  coat,  when  worn,  15. 
Dinner  dance,  60. 
Dinner,  general  etiquette  of, 

46,  47,  54-74,  77,  7§,  82, 

83,  161,  162. 

Dinner,  serving  at,  78,  100. 
Don'ts  of  table  etiquette,  62- 

65. 

Dress,  afternoon,  13. 
Dress,     afternoon     wedding, 

179,  185,  187. 
Dress,     bachelor's,     for     all 

times,  13-16. 
Dress,  badminton,  148. 
Dress,  bathing,  156. 
Dress,  boating,  156. 
Dress,  bowling,  157. 
Dress,  butler,  101. 
Dress,  coaching,  138. 
Dress,  coachman,  98. 


Dress,  driving  and  coaching, 

.38. 
Dress,  evening,  13-15,  32-35, 

56,  156,  164,  166,  167. 
Dress,    evening,   formal,   13, 

14. 

Dress,  evening,  informal,  15. 
Dress,  evening  wedding,  187. 
Dress,  foreign,  morning  and 

evening     functions,      164, 

1 66,  167. 

Dress,  funeral,  195. 
Dress,  golf,  154. 
Dress,  groom,  96,  97. 
Dress,  morning    or    lounge, 

II,    12. 

Dress,  polo,  148.    • 

Dress,  riding,  142. 

Dress,  riding  to  hounds,  142. 

Dress,  shipboard,  161,  162. 

Dress,  shooting,  146. 

Dress,  skating,  148. 

Dress,  tennis,  156. 

Dress,  theaters,  London  and 

Paris,  1 66. 

Dress,  traveling,  160. 
Dress,  valet,  99,  100. 
Dress,  wheeling,  145. 
Dress,  yachting,  149,  152. 
Drinking  with  mouth  full,  63. 

Eggs,  eaten  from  shell,  66. 
Elevator,  etiquette  of,  5. 


206 


Qlomplete  JJacljdor. 


Engagements,  announce 
ment,  169,  170. 

Engagements,  etiquette  of, 
169,  171. 

Engagements,  presents  dur 
ing,  171. 

Engagement  ring,  1 70. 

Entrees,  manner  of  serving, 
69. 

Envelopes  and  stationery, 
proper  form  of,  120,  122, 
123. 

Envelopes,  sealing,  122,  123. 

Escorts,  5,  9. 

Esquire,  when  used,  121. 

Expenses,  wedding,  who 
pays,  177. 

Eye,  bath  for,  19. 

Fares,  paying,  9. 

Fees,  foreign  countries,   163- 

.65. 

Feet,  care  of,  21. 
Fish,  manner  of  eating,  69. 
Flask,  brandy,  161. 
Flowers,  sending,    171,   194, 

198. 

Foreign  etiquette,  162,  164. 
Foreign  marriages,  191,  192. 
"  Four  hundred,"  197. 
French  titles,  168. 
Frock  coats,  12,  13,  38,  184, 

195. 


Fruit,  manner  of  eating,  71, 
72. 

Gifts,  when  engaged,  171. 
Colt,  dress  for,  155. 
Golf,  etiquette  of,  153,  154. 
Gotham,  197. 
Grace  at  meals,  58. 
Grape  fruit,  67. 
Grease,  removal  of,  31. 
Greetings,  198. 
Groom,  dress  of,  96,  97. 
Groom,  duties  of,  96-98. 

Hairbrushes,  22. 
Hair,  care  of,  21. 
Handkerchiefs,  pocket,  14, 

27. 

Hands,  care  of,  20. 
Hands  on  table,  64. 
Hat,  care  of,  28. 
Hat,  Derby,  when  worn,  n. 
Hat,    Hombourg    or   Alpine, 

when  worn,  1 1. 
Hat,  opera  or  crush,  13. 
Hat,  straw,  15. 
Hat,  top  or  silk,  13,  14. 
Hoisting  colors,  150,  151. 
Hounds,  riding  to,  142. 

Introducing  men  to  women, 

41. 
Introduction,  letters  of,  45. 


207 


Introductions,     etiquette    of, 

41,  42. 

Introductions,  formal,  41. 
Introductions,  general,  41. 
Introductions  in  street  not 

good  form,  42. 
Introductions,      when      and 

when  not  made,  41,  42. 
Invitation,  ball,  48,  103. 
Invitation,  dance,  48. 
Invitation,  dinner,  46,  47. 
Invitation,  luncheon,  54,  76. 
Invitation,     wedding,      172- 

176. 
Invitations,  various  forms  of, 

46-48,  54,  76,  172-176. 
Inauguration  Ball,  104. 

Jacket,  dinner  or  Tuxedo  coat, 

'5,  34,  35- 
Jewelry,  use  of,  16. 

Ladies  annex  to  clubs,  135. 
"Lady      and      gentleman," 

when  used,  198. 
Lancers,  109. 
Legs,  crossing,  8. 
Letters,    a    bachelor's,    119- 

126. 

Letters,  addressing,  121-12-5. 
Letters,  business,   122,  124. 
Letters,  condolence,  125. 
Letters,  congratulation,  125. 


Letters,  club,  paper  written 
on,  124. 

Letters,  destroying  old,  120. 

Letters,  friendly,  122. 

Letters,  hotel  or  business  pa 
per,  written  on,  124. 

Letters  of  introduction,  45. 

Letters,  sealing,  123. 

Letters,  stamping,  123. 

Lifting  hat,  occasions  for, 
2-7. 

Lift  or  elevators,  etiquette  of, 
5. 

Liqueurs,  73. 

London,  cab  and  hotel  fees, 
165,  166. 

London,  general  traveling 
etiquette,  165,  166. 

Luncheon  dishes,  66. 

Luncheons,    54-56,   66,    74, 

76,  77- 

Luncheons,  bachelor,  76,  77. 
Lunch,  quick,  64. 

Macaroni,  72. 

Mailing  cards,  51. 

Manners,  code  of  table,  64- 

73- 

Marriage  announcements, 
,76. 

Marriage  ceremony,  178. 

Marriages,  formalities  at  for 
eign,  192. 


208 


®l)e  Complete  Barljelor. 


Men  servants,  94-101. 
Menus,  67,  77,   78,  81,  1 1 1, 

.83. 
Ministers  fees,  by  whom  paid, 

1 86. 

Morning  bath,  1 7. 
Morning  or  lounge  suit,    11, 

12. 
"Mr."  and  "  Esq.,"  when  to 

use,  121. 
Mushrooms,  how  to  eat,  70. 

Nailbrushes,  20. 
Nails,  20. 

Napkin,  proper  use  of,  63. 
Nervous  people  at  table,  63. 
Nobility,     addressing,      167, 
1 68. 

Omnibus,  Paris  and  London, 

166. 

Olives,  how  to  eat,  69. 
Opera    or     crush     hat,     14, 

39- 

Opera  or  theater  calls,  45. 
Opera,    visits    between    the 

acts,  80. 

Overcoats,  14-16,  25. 
Overcoats.    Chesterfield    and 

covert,  14-16. 
Overhauling  clothes,  30. 
Oysters,  68. 
Oyster  cocktails,  68. 


Paper,    note,    correct    kind, 

1 20. 

Paris  cabs,  165. 
Paris,  etiquette  for  strangers, 

i 64- i 66. 

Paris  theaters,  166. 
Park  suits,  13. 
Patriarchs'  Ball,  105-111. 
Picnics,  85-87. 
Pipe  smoking,  7,  133. 
Pope,  audience  with,  166. 
Pourboires,  165. 
Programme  at  London  thea 
ters,  164. 

Queen,  how  to  address,  166. 
Quick  lunch,  62. 

Radishes,  when  served,  67. 
Reception,  wedding,  188. 
Removing  grease,  31. 
Restaurant,    bachelor   dinner 

and  luncheon  at,  80-83. 
Restaurants,  etiquette  of,  5, 

6. 

Riding,  140,  141. 
Riding  to  hounds,  142. 
Ring,  engagement,  169,  170. 

Sack  suits,  12. 

Salad,  71. 

Salt   and  pepper,  individual, 

75- 


Jrt&e*. 


209 


Savories,  71. 

Scarves,  16. 

Scotch  whisky,  73. 

Sea,  costume  at,  161,  162. 

Sealing  letters,  123. 

Seat,  giving  one's,  in  car  or 

ferry,  8,  9. 
Second  helping,  65. 
Servants,    a    bachelor's,    94- 

101. 

Servants,  club,  132,  134. 
Servants,    general   duties   of, 

94,  95- 
Shaven,  clean,  servants,  94, 

95- 

Shaving,  18,  19. 
Shawl  straps,  161. 
Sherry,  69. 
Ship,  etiquette  on  board,  160- 

162. 

Ship,  sending  flowers  to,  198. 
Shirts,  1 1-14,  24,  32,  35,  37. 
Shirts,  colored,  12,  37. 
Shoe  bag,  30. 
Shoes  and  boots,  care  of,  28, 

29. 

Shoes,  black  leather,  12. 
Shoes,  cost  of,  36. 
Shoes,    general     information 

about,    12,   14,  28,  29,  37, 

38. 
Shoes,  patent  leather,  12,  14, 

28,  29. 


Shoes,  russet,  12,  29,  145, 
155,  162. 

Shooting,  146. 

Shops,  etiquette  of,  4. 

Signatures  to  letters,  121. 

Smoking,  7,  133. 

Smoking  in  street,  7. 

Smoking,  pipe,  7,  133. 

Slang,  use  of,  198. 

"  Society  lady,"  199. 

Soup,  68. 

Sporting  bachelor,  136-160. 

Stages,  etiquette  of,  4,  8. 

Stairways,  etiquette  of,  6,  7. 

Stamping  letters,  123. 

Stamp,  use  of  club,  123. 

Standing,  in  presence  of 
women,  6,  8. 

Staring  at  women,  8. 

Stationery,  business  and  ho 
tel,  124. 

Stationery,  club,  124,  134. 

Stationery,  proper  to  use, 
i 20,  124. 

Stopping  acquaintances  in 
street,  4. 

Strawberries,  72. 

Street,  crossing,  with  lady,  I. 

Street,  etiquette  of,  1-9. 

Street,  introductions  on,  42. 

Street,  smoking  in,  7. 

Stick,  proper  method  of  hold 
ing,  7- 


210 


(Complete  Sacljelor. 


Style  of  walking,  proper,  7. 
Supper,  ball  and  dance,  1 10, 

ill. 

Supper,  chafing-dish,  78. 
Supper,  given  by  a  bachelor, 

78,  81,  83,84. 
Supper,    restaurant,    78,    81, 

82. 
Supper,  suggestions  for  menu, 

78,  81,  82. 
Swearing,    caution     against, 

198. 

Table,  carving  at,  65. 
Table  manners,  62-74. 
Table,   setting   and  arrange 
ment  of,  75,  76. 
Tea,  afternoon,  etiquette  of, 

45- 

Teeth,  care  of,  19,  20. 
Tennis,  etiquette  of,  148. 
Terrapin,    how   to    eat    and 

serve,  70. 
Theater  aisle,  walking  down, 

5- 
Theater  and  opera,  calls  at, 

45,  46. 

Theater  clubs,  82. 
Theater,  etiquette  at,  3-5,  8, 

45,  46,  78-80,  82. 
Theater  parties,  78-82. 
Theaters,  etiquette  at  foreign, 

162,  163. 


Third  person,  addressing  peo 
ple  in,  122. 
Ties  and  scarfs,   11,   12,   14, 

'6,  35,  '79,  '84- 
Ties,  men's,  cost  of,  35. 
Ties,  presentation  of,  to  best 

man  and  ushers,  1 79. 
Tips  and  tipping,    90,    132, 

165,  1 66. 

Titles,  foreign,  167,  168. 
Toasts  at  dinner,  64. 
Toothbrushes,  care  of,  20. 
Tooth  washes.  19,  20. 
Toilet  articles,  care  of,  22. 
Toilet,  bachelor's,  17-24. 
Tonic  for  hair,  2 1 . 
Towels  for  bath,  18. 
Traveling,        etiquette       of, 

abroad,  161-163. 
Traveling,    etiquette    of,    in 

America,  160-162. 
Trousers,  care  of,  26,  27. 
Trousers,  folding,  26. 
Trousers,    white    duck    and 

flannel,  12. 
Trunk,    or   bag,    packed  for 

Friday    to    Monday   visit, 

89. 

Trunks,  how  to  pack,  160. 
Trunks,  traveling  with,  161. 
Turkish  baths,  22. 
Tuxedo  coat,  when  to  wear, 

15- 


211 


Umbrella,  how  to  carry,  7. 
Usher,  dress  of,  184. 
Ushers,  duties  of,  at  wedding, 
1 86,  187. 

Valet,  dress  of,  99,  100. 

Valet,  duties  of,  98-100. 

Visiting  cards,  49-53. 

Visiting  cards,  leaving,  mail 
ing,  sending,  51-53. 

Visiting  cards,  style  of,  49, 
50. 

Visiting,  country  house,  85- 

93- 

Visiting,  fashionable  time  for, 

in  New  York,  43. 
Visitors  at  clubs,  131,  132. 
Von,  use  of  title,  168. 

Walking,  etiquette  of,  1-8. 
Walking,    proper    style     of, 

7- 

Waltzing,  109. 
Wedding,        announcement, 

cards,  1 76. 
Wedding,  church,  184-186. 


Wedding      etiquette,      172- 

193. 

Wedding  expenses,  177. 
Wedding,  house,  188. 
Wedding,    hour    fashionable 

for,  172. 
Wedding     receptions,     188, 

189. 
Weddings,     divorcee's     and 

widow's,  176,  192. 
Weddings,       English       and 

French,  144,  145. 
Wheeling,  etiquette  of,   144, 

145. 
Wheeling,   proper   dress  for, 

'    145- 

Whisky,  Scotch,  73. 

Yachting,     club     rules    for, 

cruise,  140-151. 
Yachting,  etiquette  of,   148- 

152. 
Yachting,    proper   dress    for, 

149. 
Yachting,  proper  uniform  for 

officers  and  crew,  152. 


THE   END. 


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