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I^atbarti College l,ilirar2 


"To purchase such books as shall be mnbt 

neeHed for the College Library, so as 

best to promote the objects 

of the College." 



k\N * 

. \ \* * - 










he Methodist Episcopal Church, at the Conference OSce, 
200 Mulberry-street. 

/. CoUord, Printer. 

^ f JUN 1 1916 

Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1841, 
G.Laivb & P. P. Sandford, in the Clerk's Office of the DistT 
Court of the Southern District of New-York. 



I'hg subject of this little volume was exten- 
sively known as a woman of deep and ardent 
piety. Scores of itinerant preachers, who, in 
the regular discharge of their official duties, 
visited the place of her residence, will doubt- 
less cherish a pleasing recollection of her 
while memory lasts ; and not a few, it is confi- 
dently believed, have already joined her happy 
spirit in the lofty employments of the heavenly 
temple. The savour of her name is still as 
precious ointment to a large circle, who had 
the pleasure and profit of a long and intimate 
acquaintance with her. 

She was indeed a bright and shining lieht. 
Though no one would think of claiming for her 
an exemption from the common frailties of 
humanity, yet those who knew her the most 
intimately, will doubtless concede to her un- 
common Christian attainments. She not only 
professed, but practically exemplified, the great 
blessing of " perfect love." Her all was laid 
on God's altar at an early day, nor did she ever 
afterward think of resuming the gift. During 
the whole course of her pilgrimage, «.i\«t ^^ 
became a disciple of the Saviour, Bae convm^Afc^ 
to walk by the atane rule, and to nuiA ^^^ %«{&» 


thing. In her character there was a beautiful 
and attractive consistency, exhibiting the fruits 
of the Spirit in all their supreme lovehness. 
With the moat unshrinking fidelity she bore 
her daily crose, and conscientiously discharged 
every duly. Of her Christian character in 
general, however, the intelligent render caa 
hardly fail to form a tolerably correct opinion 
from the following pages. , 

Miss Richards was evidently no bigot. The 
remark is made hero, leat an unfavourable 
inference should be drawn from what she 
says at an early period in her history respect- 
ing other denominations, of whose doings she 
complains in strong terms. It should be re- 
membered, however, that that was not the age 
of catholicity. The adherents of Methodism 
were then, not uufrequently, regarded and 
treated as the filth and ofiacouring of the earth. 
A brighter day has since dawned on the church, 
and a more lovely spirit has been infused into 
the bosoms of her members. That sister R. 
rejoiced to see the dawn of this day is render- 
ed abundantly evident from the frequent and 
tender allusions which she subsequently makes 
to those denominatioiiB. 

The editor thinks it proper to say, that he 
does not hold himself responsible for the cor- 
lectueas of every sentiment found in the me* 
moil. As to the divine directions with which 
the pious anthor believed herself to be favour- 
ftf 111 dreama, or by powerful applications of 
^'f^iun poMogea of Scriptuis, ia ciaes ot -pax- 



plexity and doubt, and as to her minute and 
confident explanations of the designs of Provi- 
dence in certain events which happened to her, 
they are before the reader, who will peruse the 
details with that caution and candour due to 
matters of so grave a character. It is not im- 
possible but that Miss Richards sometimes in- 
dulged impressions of this kind further than a 
strict regard to the sacred volume would ex- 
actly warrant. At the same time, obstinate 
incredulity on such subjects is not less bigoted 
and unreasonable than an indiscriminating 
faith. The opposite error of that into which 
some may think sister R. was occasionally be- 
trayed,-<-we mean the error of those who en- 
tirely overlook the providence of God, — ^is more 
common, and, we may add, altogether more 

The papers of Miss Richards were put into 
the hands of the editor some time since, accom- 
panied with a request that he would prepare 
them for publication. A very cursory exami- 
nation convinced him, however, that this could 
not be done without a thorough revision ; such 
a revision as could be effected only by an en- 
tire transcription. For though the author wrote 
a rather beautiful hand, and though her ortho- 
graphy was remarkably accurate, yet she was 
evidently not in the habit of writing for the 
press. Besides, we are informed by her fnends^ 
it was her intention, had she \vj©^ ^tA ^r.q^^^ 
sufficient strength to do it, to Itwi^crc^^ "^^ 
thoroughly coned her Tnan\isctVeX\ ^^ ^^^ ^ 


might be in a more suitable state for publica- 
tion. But, as she was never able to do this, 
the work has fallen into other hands. Of the 
manner in which the task has been executed it 
may be sufficient to say, that, though many 
verbal alterations, a few retrenchments, and 
some additions, have been made, the sense has 
been scrupulously retained, and, aa far as gram- 
matical accuracy would permit, the simplicity 
of language and peculiarity of style. 

If the ^tor is allowed to judge of the influ- 
ence which thie perusal of this narrsi>tive is 
adapted to exert on the feelings of others from 
thp effect which it has had on his own, he can- 
not doubt that the best interests of religion will 
be materially promoted by the publication of 
this little book. 

A brief note has been occasionally added by 
the editor. 

Paris, Jufy 12, 1841. 


I HAVE no other apology to offer for writing 
the following, than a sense of dnty and a desire 
to be useful. It was not till some time after I 
experienced religion that I felt impressed to 
write the exercises of my mind, which I at first 
did simply for my own benefit ; and seldom did 
I raise my pen without feeling, more or less, 
the quickening influences of the Holy Spirit. 

At length I felt it to be my duty to furnish 
something like a history of my religious expe- 
rience for the benefit of others : but, as I could 
see nothing remarkable in it, I soon reasoned 
myself out of the propriety of making the at- 
tempt. I remember, however, of thinking that 
were I placed in a situation favourable to re- 
tirement, and had I leisure, I might possibly 
mdke the effort. And liow God, in his provi- 
dence, by afflicting me, has brought me into 
those very circumstances. 

Still I have had various reasonings on the 
subject, and the Lord only knows the trials 
through which I have passed, and the tears I 
have shed, on account of it. When I have 
thought of writing, my mind has been fruitful, 
and past occurrences, which I had tioV nJclwsl^cX 
of for years, have been as Ctes\i Va txv>j x^wnwox- 
brance as if tbey had but jusV. Vakew '^^^^^ ^^' 



the Other hand, when I have thought of declin- 
ing the task, both body and mind have been 
afflicted; and I could get no relief till I resolved 
to proceed. 

Such as it is, and imperfect as was its au- 
thor, the manuscript is left in the hands of my 
friends, and to the disposal of Providence ; 
and should what I have written be a source of 
consolation to the aiBicted, when I am no more ; 
or should it strengthen the faith of any one, or 
in the least aid him in the pursuit of heaven, I 
shall be amply compensated for the tears I 
have shed, and the labour I have bestowed. 

Lucy Richards. 

Paris, N. Y., April 17, 1837. 







I WAS born in Paris, Oneida county, N. Y., 
October 3, 1 792. My father was bom in Water- 
town, and my mother in Middlebury, Connecti- 
cut. They resided in the former place about 
a year and a half after their marriage, when 
they removed to Oblong, and continued there 
not far from three years. From thence they 
removed to Schodack, and, after residing there 
about the same length of time, to the place of 
my birth. 

When they removed to this place they had 
had two sons, Orris and John, and one daughter. 
The daughter died in infancy, and the eldest 
son when about four years old. I have heard 
my mother say, that, when he was sick and 
lying upon her lap, he wished to go to his 
father, who was then asleep : but sh<& d»^\t^ 
him to he still a short time, t€>\V«v^ ^i\sDL V^ 
should then go: be raised biB\il\\e aitoB^^^*^ 
ed them around her neck, gave \veit ^.^Kas.*-* «^ 


then expired ! My parents have since had six 
daughters, of whom I was the eldest, and two 
sons. Two of the daughters died in infancy. 

I have often heard my father remark, that he 
was awakened to a sense of his lost state the 
last day of March, 1789, under the preaching 
of the Rev. Freehom Garrettson ; and that, in 
the April following he found peace to his soul. 
' But as there was no Methodist society in the 
neighbourhood, he gave his name to Mr. Gar- 
rettson. My mother was awakened and con- 
verted a year or two afterward, under the 
preaching of the Rev. Benjamin Abbot; so 
that, in the early part of their lives, they de- 
voted themselves, their family, and their sub- 
stance, to the work and service of the Lord : 
and their house has ever since been open to re- 
ceive the heralds of the cross. 

The first thing I can remember of a religious 
nature is, that when I was three or four years 
old a Methodist preacher came to my father's : 
my mother told me he was going to pray, that 
I must kneel down, lay my head in the little 
chair, keep still, and hear what he said. I did 
so, and got much praise for it ; and this proba- 
bly is the reason of my remembering it so dis- 
tinctly. After this I was much pleased when 
the preachers came, as they used to talk to m€ 
and tell me many such things as my little min 
was capable of comprehending ; making it thei 
uniform practice to shake hands with me wh 
they went away. However, one came who r 
nothing to me, and when he left did uol * 


to shake hands with me, at which I was much 
grieved, and began to weep. My mother ob- 
served it, and, after ascertaining the cause, 
took me by the hand, led me out to the preach- 
er, who was about mounting his horse, and told 
him what I had said. Accordingly he shook 
hands with me, and said I must be a good girl. 
I then went into the house satisfied. I was 
early taught to say the Lord's Prayer, the Me- 
thodist Catechism, and several hymns, which 
1 repeated with great delight. When in my 
seventh year my father sold his farm, and 
bought another within half a mile of a school- 
house, where there was a small society of 
Methodists. Here my father was a class lead- 
er ,* and well do I remember his teaching what 
is now called a Sunday school ; for my mind 
was often so seriously impressed when in it, 
that I could not refrain from weeping. In one 
instance, so general was the feeling, it was 
thought best to go into the house of Mr. W., 
and hold a prayer meeting, where we cried 
aloud for mercy. The feeling was, however, 
of short duration, and produced no lasting effect. 
About this time my father received license as 
a local preacher, and as he was obliged to be 
frequently absent from home on the sabbath, 
and as no one was willing to take his place as 
teacher, the school was discontinued. 

As we now lived nearer to neighbours than 
formerly, I had a better opportunity to learn many 
foolish and hurtful habits. Beside^^l ^»^TvS.craL^^ 
I bad been kept stricter, and moto cXos^^Vj laX^^s^ 


than others ; for besides winding a great many 
quills for my mother, (she being a weaver,) I 
had spmi upward of ninety runs of yam before 
I was seven years and a half old. Of course 
I could pot have so much time for play and 
amusement as most other -children, which cir- 
cumstance made me uneasy and fretful. My 
parents, however, were conscientious in their 
treatment of me, and I shall always have occa- 
sion to bless God for their fidelity. 

When I was between eight and nine years 
of age, a Mr. M. taught our district school, and 
as he was a professor of religion, he prayed at 
the close of school every day. To guard 
against a breach of order during this solemn 
exercise he appointed a watch, whose duty it 
was to report to him after prayers. All whis- 
pering was forbidden ; but as we were stand- 
ing before a window, a girl named L. saw my 
brother coming in a sleigh and said, " Now we 
can ride." I replied, " So we can ;" but imme- 
diately recollecting I was not to go home till 
after we had spoken our pieces in the evening, 
said, " No ; I am going to stay.'* After prayer 
we were reported ; and then questioned by the 
teacher, that he might know who whispered 
first. The watch said, "Lucy;" but this I 
denied, as did also L. Mr. M. deferred the 
matter ^till just at evening, then came to me with 
the watch, and, after sending the rest of the 
scholars out of the house, asked him if he saw 
me whisper tirat ? He said he did. He then 
^^d him he might leave, as he wauled xvoiOKaktl 


further of him ; and, taking me by the hand, 
feruled me severely; after which he asked me 
if I would not ovni I whispered first ? I told 
him I did not, and should never say I did. He 
then repeated his blows in a most cruel man- 
ner, saying it was a- very wicked thing to tell a 
lie. I told him I knew it. " But," said he, 
" you have told one ; and I shall puni&h you 
till you own it." I replied, "/ never shalV^ 
He continued his blows till ray shrieks and 
groans alarmed the scholars in the house across 
the way, bo that they rs^n and looked in at the 
window. This led him to desist, at the same 
time saying, he was afraid I meant to tell a lie. 
Thus I escaped further punishment. Some of 
the scholars were so much exasperated, that 
they advised me to leave the school ; but this 
I did not wish to do, as I never thought that 
either the teacher or watch had any ill will to- 
ward me. Probably the latter was not looking 
toward us when the conversation commenced ; 
and it would be natural for the teacher to put 
confidence in a young man rather than in a 
child. Self-willed and wicked as I was, in 
other respects, such was my fear of telling a 
lie that I should not have dared to tell one on 
any account. 

At the time appointed Mr. M. had his exhi- 
bition in a large new house, belonging to a Mr. 
S. We had not been there long before I was 
taken into the dressing-room, ^\k.€t^ %^\iv^ ^ 
the ladies were employed in yivr^OTSs^^ «a^ 
dressing the heads of those w1ao vjexe xa ^\b^««i 


CD the Stage ; but I told them I did not wish tc 
have my head fixed in that manner, for my pa- 
rents would not like it. They asked, if the} 
were to be present ? if not, L could comb it out 
and they would never know it. So I consent- 
ed. After we had done exhibiting, the youn| 
people spent some^ time in dancing. This was 
a new diversion to me ; for I had never hearc 
a violin or seen dancing before. Thus,, in vio 
lation of parental authority, was I led astra} 
from the paths of piety. Well would it hav< 
been for me had I heeded the admonition of the 
wise man, " If sinners entice thee consent thoi 

Some time after this I heard a funeral dis 
course preached on the death of a child, fron 
2 Kings iv, 26 : " Is it well with thee ? Is i 
well with thy husband ? Is it well -with th< 
child ? And she answered. It is well." Th< 
preacher had commenced his sermon when '. 
got there, but my mind was so deeply afiecte( 
by it that I did not soon lose the impression 
I then thought I should not be disobedient t< 
my parents, or dare to sin any more; for '. 
thought that had I died instead of this child, m] 
parents could not in truth say, " It is well witl 
the child." When I returned home I aske< 
my father where the text could be found, and 
although he was not there, he told me ii 
" Kings." I searched till I found it, and rea 
the whole chapter with deep attention. 
But I was again drawn into sin. When i: 
^y/burteentb year I received an \imla\Aatvi 


a quilting at uncle T. W.'s. My mother, ever 
anxious for my welfare, charged me not to stay 
in the evening. We had not heen there long 
before we found that all the company, except my 
sister P. and myself, were calculating to stay; 
and when it was ascertained we were not, we 
were called "superstitious." This, however, 
was not our fault ; for we felt as strong an in- 
clination to stay as perhaps any one ; but 
thought it best to obey our parents, until some 
one told aunt W., who said to us that we should 
stay, and that she would bear the blame. She 
said also, that my parents were once as fond 
of going to such places as others, and wonder- 
ed if they thought that they could bring up a 
family of children without letting them go into 
company ; — said that to keep them from such 
places made them a great deal worse, and that 
they would never know how to behave in com- 
pany. I now thought it would be a fine thing 
to stay, and felt greatly prejudiced against my 
parents for being so strict with their children. 
Thus were we betrayed into disobedience to 
our parents, and into sin against God. 
' The winter following my cousins prevailed 
on me to learn to dance; and, as our new 
school-teacher was very fond of this sinful 
amusement, he spared no pains, during the time 
of intermission, to instruct us in it. But when 
my parents and some others became acquainted 
with the fact, proceedings came to ^ «<^^c^^ 
termination. I was now much eiico\rc^%«>^ ^ 
others to disobey my murents ; but neeAft^^"^^^- 


80 Strong was my inclination after worldly- 
pleasure. Still I had almost every thing to 
mortify my feelings, especially in reference to 
dress ; for n^ parents would allow me to wear 
scarcely any thing superfluous, or,, at least, 
would purchase no merely ornamental article 
for me. In this, I am now persuaded, they were 
perfectly right. 

When in my fifteenth year I spent a few 
weeks with uncle J. S., whose residence was 
six or seven miles from my father's. There 
was a Methodist in his employ, Mr. M'B., who 
was then a zealous Christian, and who had a 
short time before become acquainted with my 
father. One evening he came into the room 
where my aunt and myself were sitting, and, 
laying his hand on my head, said with singular 
solemnity, — " Well, Lucy, have you no religion 
yet, when you have so good a father, who has 
so long prayed for you ?" I replied " No ; nor 
do I want any !" Aunt soon joined with me, 
and in great apparent sorrow he led the room. 
Had he asked me if I were willing to die with- 
out religion, I must have answered in the nega- 
tive ; for I knew to die without it would be the 
ruin of my soul for ever. But death seemed at 
a great distance ; and I thought, as too many 
do, that there was time enough yet. Alas, what 
a fatal delusion ! It has undoubtedly destroyed 
its thousands ; and I have reason to adore the 
riches of divine mercy in showing me my mis- 
Soon aAer I came hom^ I was invited \ 


quilting at Mr. A. H.'s; and as nothing had 
been said to me about returning, I stayed dur- 
ing the dance ; feeling much less compunction 
than I probably otherwise should have done. 
But there is no peace to the wicked. In the 
midst of. all my sinful amusements I was ex- 
tremely unhappy. One day when I had been 
on a visit, and returned just at evening, I saw 
as I entered the door a grave-looking gentleman 
sitting by the fireside, conversing with my 
father, whom I took to be a preacher; and 
judging it probable I should get a reproof, 
thought I would go into my room and lay off 
my ornaments before he discovered them. But 
just as I reached the door he espied me, and 
asked my father if I were his daughter ? My 
father called me to him, and I was introdillced 
to the Rev. Ebenezer White ;* who, taking me 

* Emphatically one of ** our fathers." Like most who 
entered the ministry of the Methodist Episcopal Church 
in his day, he had few early advantages : and bemg " thrust 
out" into the itinerant field, after he became the head of 
a family, his mental training was chiefly in his own hands. 
But he, was deeply read in Christian experience, and had 
the rare talent of finding his way immediately to the 
hearts of his auditors. Mild and affectionate, he seldom 
gave offence ; ardent and courageous, he never willingly 
left the sinner asleep in his sins. Few men of those early 
times were heard with more general satisfaction, or to 
more general profit. He was always preaching, speak- 
ing to the children in the family, or saying a kind word to 
those he met by the way ; and everywhere doins his w^ 
most to promote the cause of Cht\st. 'YtocvSi "V \iar«^ 
often heard him spoken of, I never YiewcSi ^ ^w^ ^^^,^^ 
bis disadvantage. The eyes of out e\iet iaewo«»^'^=°*^ 


hy the hand, said, " Don't you know you should 

always speak to, and shake hands with, the 

preachers ?" He also gave me a gentle reproof, 

with which I was much disgusted. As Mr. 

White frequently put up at my father's, he made 

i it almost a uniform practice, afler he had iti- 

! quired respecting the health of the family, to 

question each member of it touching his or her 

spiritual state, insomuch that I hated the very 

! sight of him, and others, who would give me 

r r^roof ; so far from God and goodness had I 

wandered ! But wicked as I was, I often felt 

the strivings of the Holy Spirit. When my 

friends affectionately entreated me to attend to 

the concerns of my soul, I could not refrain 

from weeping ; and* then I would feel so 

ashamed that I could wish there were no such 

people on earth as Methodist9, or that they 

would say nothing to me. 

As my parents had never had any of their 
children baptized, they now thought it their 
duty to dedicate four of the younger to God in 
this ordinance, leaving the three older ones to 
their own sense of duty. We refused, thinking 
it a very wicked thing to receive such an ordi- 
nance with unrenewed hearts. That man of 
Grod, the Rev. Ebenezer White, was the admi- 
idstrator; and though the services were con- 
ducted with the greatest solemnity, I remained 

when they refer to him, and every tongue is eloquent in 

his praise. *' He had a good report of all men, and of the 

truta j'laelf." About thirty years since he joined the 


unaffected. So hardened, indeed, had I now 
become, that I despised and ridiculed the peo- 
ple of God, would hearken to none of their re- 
proofs, and disregaxded all their counsels ; even 
refusing to kneel during family devotions ! O, 
my long-suffering God ! May I never forget 
the goodness that spared such a rebel as me ! 




In the month of June, 1809, my parents and 
sister P. attended a camp meeting in Deerfield, 
Herkimer county.* When they returned and 
gave me an account of the meeting, I told them 
there was no occasion of spending so much 
time, and being at so much expense to worship 
Grod, when there were meeting houses enough 
and near at hand. Yet I felt a desire to behold 
the novelty of such a scene, and resolved if 
one were appointed at Westmoreland, in Sep- 
tember, as was then contemplated, I would at- 
tend. My mother said she wished I had been 
with them, as it might possibly have done me 
some good; remarking, that several were 
awakened and converted there, who went as 

♦ It was at this meeting that the "Rev. ^<^'\^tp^f»«t% 
the maaaoaaiy to Buenos Ayiea, ^oolCd Kxonc^^^ 
eoaverted to God. — ^Ed. 


careless and unconcerned as I then appeared 
to be. . She mentioned two young persons in 
particular, who went from Litchfield. One 
Miss M., a gay yonng lady, was powerfully 
awakened soon after she went on the ground ; 
and never rested till she knew her sins forgiven. 
The other, Mr. Kent, a cousin of hers, was 
much displeased with her, and told her she 
should never take any more comfort while she 
remained at his father's house ; and was so ex- 
asperated that he would scarcely be seen in the 
tent long enough to sleep or get refreshment. 
But God soon brought down his lofty spirit ; 
so that, in the agony of his feelings, he cried 
aloud for mercy, and desired the prayers of 
those around him. Nor did he seek in vain ; 
for he soon found delivering grace. He joined 
the Methodist Episcopal Church, became a 
useful member, and has for several years been 
faithfully employed as an itinerant preacher. 

Soon after her conversion. Miss M. came to 
our house. I found her to be a very amiable 
young woman ; and when alone with her, I 
asked her many questions, and conversed freely 
with her on the subject of religion. Yet 1 would 
not be persuaded by her to set about the all- 
important work of repentance and reformation ; 
for I loved pleasure, and was resolved on seek- 
ing it. 

One sabbath morning in the latter part of the 

month of August, as I was sweeping the floor, 

my mother said, " Parma and Maria" (deacon 

^- 's davgbtera) '•have expenencedi ic^^voik «t 


are under conqem of mind." I was literally 
amazed. As soon as I recovered my recol- 
lection I replied, " I don't believe it ; fori saw 
them two or three Sundays ago, and they were 
then as hvely as I was." She said, " That 
might be, and they be serious now." My father 
added, " If you go to hear Mr. Steel to-day, I 
hope you will try to profit by what you hear." 
I went and took a seat in the gallery. Parma 
sat below in her father's pew, and I shall never 
forget the solemnity that was depicted in her 
countenance. Maria sat in the gallery, and 
listened as for life to every word that fell from 
the speaker's lips. During the intermission we 
went to Mr. A.'s. P. and M. laid off their hats, 
took their Bible, selected a few friends, and 
retired to the chamber. During the afternoon 
service I could not help reflecting on what I 
had seen and heard, and was somewhat affect- 
ed. At five o'clock I went with my brother 
and several other young persons to Sangersfield, 
and, under the pretence of attending meeting 
there, went to see an uncommonly large child !* 

* It has occulted to the editor, that some of his young 
readers may be curious to know something further respect- 
ing this " large child." Mr. Ichabod Fisher, formerly of 
Sangersfield, Oneida comity, N. Y., had two children, Wil- 
laid and Lucy, both of whom were very large. It is not 
certain which of them is intended in the text. At the 
same age, we are informed, they were nearly of the same 
fize. About twenty-five years since the editor saw Wil- 
lard in the streets of Utica. He waa XWi XieN.'vwfR. ^^ 
and £ve yean old, and was said to 'Wci^Tv<6«^'5 ^v^a^'^^SL. 
dred pounds ! Respecting the fate o« Vba» greot-UWA^^i 


However, after we had satisfied our curiosi 
ty, we did go to meeting. After we had been 
there a short time, a young lady arose, and in a 
most feeling way invited the young people to 
seek religion. This affected us much, and we 
left the meeting talking on religious subjects; 
but, strange to say, before we got home we be- 
gan to compliment each other; which was a 
fatal stab to my seriousness, and I was soon 
more hardened than ever ! 

On the succeeding Saturday my father went 

it is difficult to obtain any satisfactoiy information. He 
emigrated to the " far west,** some years since. Report 
sa^s he is still alive, but that he is not so large a man as 
mi^t have been anticipated from his precocious growth. 

The history of poor tiucy is a most painful one. Being 
so very large, she excited a great deal of curiosity. Avail- 
ing themselves of this circumstance, her friends, very im- 
properly we should think, carried her about as a public 
show ! Amonff other places to which she was taken her 
friends carried her to the city of New- York. While there, 
her attendants left her alone in an upper room, intending 
to return in a few minutes. When they did so, they found 
her clothes had taken fire during their absence, and were 
almost entirely burned from her person. She suffered a 
few hours, and was then taken to a world of spirits. 

The editor is too little acquainted with physiology to 
indulge himself in any speculations as to the cause of 
such overgrown bodies as those which these poor children 
were obliged to carry about. Perhaps, indeed, the case 
involves an insolvable mystery. ,Be this, however, as it 
may, all may learn from it a lesson of humiliation and gra- 
titttide. Who hath made us to differ 1 We are neitner 
dwarfs nor monsters. We are neither so much like other 
human berngs as to be confounded with them, nor so di- 
vene from £em as to attract the public gaze. May we 
/ua/se thee, O thou a</orabJe Creator I— Ei>. 


to one of the neighbours ; and when he return- 
ed, said tome, ''A. thinks she has a soul, and 
f«el8 deeply concerned to know what will be- 
come of it : you have one too, and ought to be 
as much concerned as she is." This, with 
much more that he said, alarmed my guilty 
conscience : but I was determined that no one 
should know it. The next day I told an inti« 
mate friend I was going to sit alone, and hear 
Mr. Steel preach. She desired to sit with me, 
but I refused, and took a seat in the gallery 
near the pulpit. Some of the time I heai^ with 
deep attention, and when I looked at those who 
were serious I could not refrain from weeping. 
But fearing lest I should be discovered, I would 
occasionally look at my gay companions with 
a smile, and was glad when the exercises 
closed. Prayer and conference meetings were 
soon established in different parts of the town, 
and the multitudes that attended evinced the 
deep anxiety of the people to save their precious 

The next sabbath Mr. White preached at 
Mr. Cooley's bam. The preceding evening 
Mr. M'Bride-rthe very individual I had told I 
did not want religion — came to our house, and 
asked me if I would go and hear Mr. White 
preach ? I told him I would, but that I must 
first go to the morning prayer meeting with N., 
agreeably to promise. But, to my great sur- 
prise, the latter told me she had coii<\»dA.^ "s^^ 
to go. Relieved from this piOTMk^ A ^«^^>2S».* 
mediately to Mr. White's alppo\fiWl^«^^.\ '^cw^ 


fearing I shtmld meet aomo one — so great was 
the cross of goiiiv to Methodist meeting — I got 
over the fence, and walked through the fields ! 
Afler sermon the preacher and Esquire H. 
rave me a few words of good advice respecting 
uie time and way to seek teligion. In the af- 
ternoon they held a pmyer meeting, at whicli 
Mr. D. Bud, if there were any present who de- 
aired salvBti6n, and would kneel down, he 
would pray for them. Accordingly I knelt with 
some others ; but was soon so afmamed that I 
had a strong inclination to get up again. O, the 
uneasiness I felt ! and glad was I when the 
meeting ended. 

In the evening Mr. White preached at Mr. 
B. C.'s, on " B^old I stand at the door and 
knock," &c. Eveiy word seemed to penetrate 
my inmost soul, and the great deep of my heart 
was measurably broken op. / felt my own de- 
[iravity, and so deeply resized the evil nature 
of sin that I resolved to abandon it. After ser- 
mon Mr. White gave an invitation to any who 
desired an interest in his prayers to come for- 
ward. But as no one particularly asked me to 
go forward, and as I had not confidence to go 
■lone, I asked Miss C. to step out of doors with 
me, and then burst into a flood of tears. She 
asked me if I wished to go forward for pray- 
ers, wad said she wotdd go with me. Accoid- 
in^ I went, and there were many fervent pe- 
titions addressed to the thr(»ie of grace on my 
behalf. But unbelief prevailed ; I thought I 
"** too gnat a sinner to find mercy noio, \«A 


that, if I earnestly songht, perhaps I might find , 
deliverance at some future day. As might be 
expected, I returned with a heavy heart. I at- 
tended the meetings Almost daily; but, while 
many were made to rejoice in a sin-pardoning 
God, I was left to mourn. I now felt it my 
duty to kneel in family. prayer; but I had been 
so stubborn, and the cross was so great, I did 
not take it up till my father introduced the sub- 
ject What a blessing to have praying parents ! 
On Saturday evening the meeting was held at 
our house. As I had not seen my friend N. 
for some time, we w^ked out together, when I 
told her I was fully resolved to seek religion, 
and asked her what she meant to do. "0," 
said she, " I will seek it too !" We went into 
the house, and many of us spent the evening in 
crying for mercy, but found no relief. The Rev. 
James Kelsey,* then on our circuit, on leaving 

* Now ODe of the venerable dead. For more than 
thirty-five years he was a member of the travelling con- 
nection, daring which time he laboured chiefly in Middle 
and Western New-Yoik. Long will he be remembered 
as a zealous and devoted minister of the Lord Jesus. His 
preaching was doctrinal, experimental, and practical ; and 
though he sometimes gave offence by the poignancy of his 
thrusts at what he conceived to be fundamental error, he 
was £^eneralJy heard with great satisfaction and profit- 
Huni&eds, perhaps tbonsanite, were led to Christ by his 
powerful and heart-searchin? ministry, and not a few so- 
cieties, now large and flourishinj^, were formed under his 
immediiate supervision. He contmned to hold an efiective 
Telatkm to his conference up to the Vail'^e^ ol \a»\&^\ 
so that it may be almost literally aajd, 

'*He ceased at once to work and \we.^'—^^' 


my father's house, said, " Farewell, brother 
Richards, you shcdl see your children converted 
to God." After this, when I was tempted to 
think I should not find mercy, I would think 
of what Mr. Kelsey said, and, in view of his 
faith, take courage. 

In consequence of a thunder storm, which 
occurred at the time of our prayer ineeting on 
Sunday evening, many stayed all night. After 
retiring to our private room, we began to con- 
verse on the goodness of God in sparing our 
lives and bringing us to see our lost state, 
though none of us had found forgiveness. One 
of the company (Deacon H.'s daughter J.) 
said, she had no doubt but there was mercy for 
all of us, except herself. I told her I believed 
Christ had died for all, and that, if we all truly 
repented, he would have mercy upon all : for 
the promise is, " if we seek, we shall find." 

" She replied, " It will do no good for me to seek." 
A few days after, as I was returning from a 
conference meeting, one told me that J. had 
obtained a hope. It was instantly suggested 
by the tempter, " You may as well give up ; 
you have been long seeking, and are none the 
better ; others have sought and found, but for 
you there is no hope !" O, the distress of soul 
which I now felt ! Yet I did not wholly yield 
to these temptations ; for I thought the reason 
why I did not find was, I had been a greater 
sinner than others. I went home, retired to 
my room, and with strong crying and tears be- 

sought the Lord to have mercy on m^ ^o\)\\ 


and was encouraged to hope the time was not 
distant when I should find salvation. Indeed, 
I told one I believed I should experience reli- 
gion at the approaching cainp meeting. 

The memorable day at length arrived, Sep- 
tember 21, 1809. When we came upon the 
ground. Elder Yanest met my father, and, point- 
ing, to myself and sister P., asked if we were 
bis daughters. Ascertaining that we were, he 
came to us and desired to know whether we 
had come to seek religion. I told him we had. 
He said we must give up the world, with all its 
pomps and vanities, and especially that we must 
give up our hearts to God. He also made seve- 
ral other remarks, which led us to deep search- 
ings of heart, by which I saw something of the 
depravity that reigned within, — ^pride, obstina- 
cy, unbelief, the love of the world, <&c., &c. 
The evening exercises commenced with prayer 
at the stand, after which an appropriate dis- 
course was delivered, and an invitation given 
to all who desired to be made the special sub- 
jects of prayer to come to the altar. Though 
several found pardoning mercy, I returned to 
the tent disconsolate. On Friday my distress 
and anxiety greatly increased, so that, at times, 
I could not refrain, from crying aloud for mercy; 
nor could I even walk without being supported 
by my friends. I confessed my sins, and 
mourned over my depravity. The world ap- 
peared to me an empty void, and I {e!l\.\!cii&x^^ 
thing but true religion co\x\& aa^^^^ xo^ Vs^^^^ 
desires. For this, therefoie, 1 vi«i.^ ^'^\s\^ ^ 


sacrifice erery thing. And now the enemy re- 
newed his assault. It was suggested, if I for- 
sook the world I should lose my good name, 
should have hut few friends, and be obliged to 
lead a melancholy life. The contest was sharp 
and painful in the extreme, and none but those 
who have passed through similar exercises can 
realize what I felt. I heard every sermon with 
deep attention, and entered the prayer circles 
with an earnest desire to find salvation ; but 
all, apparently^ to no purpose. Yet some of my 
Christian friends still encouraged me to look to 
God, assuring me that with him there was plen- 
teous redemption. 

In the evening I again tremblingly approach- 
ed the altar, and resolved, if mercy were to be 
found by so vile a sinner, never to leave it till 
God had spoken peace to my souk Some of 
the more devoted, among both preachers and 
private members, continued their intercessions 
for nearly three hours, when I believe nearly 
every penitent that came forward was divinely 
comforted, except myself. They then arose 
and united their cheerful voices in singing the 
praises of the Most High ; while I continued 
in the same posture, without experiencing the 
least mitigation of mental anguish. I now 
thought, what shall I do ? To arise I have no 
disposition. And yet both preachers and peo- 
ple have prayed till they are weary. They are 
happy, but / am miserable. Must I remain so 
for ever, and perish without hope ? Surely, 
'^tAe sorrows of death compassed m©, ^ii^ xSaa 


pains of hell gat bold on me." In this my ex- 
tremity I felt a willingness to give up every 
thing-^my gay companions, my ^evorldly honours, 
,my sinful pleasures ; and, seeing the justice of 
God in my condemnation, had no other jdea to 
make save that grounded in the atonement of 
the precious Saviour. I pleaded for mercy, and 
cried, *f * Lord, save, or I perish !' But if I 
perish, I perish at thy feet. To thee I give up 
all — soul, body, and spirit." The God of iove 
was pleased for Christ's sake to accept the 
offering, and soon my soul was filled with 
peace. Just jat this instant one who had been 
deeply interested in my case, asked me if I did 
not wish to rise and sing ? I answered in the 
affirmative ; when she said, " Bless the Lord, 
Lucy is converted ;" and, in accordance with 
my request, began to sing, 

" How happy every child of grace, 
"WTio knows his sins forgiven," &c. 

Several joined the harmonious song; some 
shouted for joy ; and others expressed their 
grateful emotions by the silent eloquence of 
tears. What, a memorable hour! O, to be 
raised from such a depth of sin and misery into 
the favour and image of God, and into the fel- 
lowship of his saints ! The transition was in- 
deed indescribable ; the joy unspeakable. It 
now appeared to me that I had ten friends, 
where before I had only one; tsAvd. \\skft ^^"^^ 
persons I bad so much despi^^d. «^"^^>2te.^ '^^^ 
most amiable and lovely. Bveiy oXiV^^'^ «xs«ft»^ 


ine wore a different aspect. Even the lighted 
candles, and the fires burning from their lofty 
stages, seemed to reflect the glory of Him who 
dwelt in the bush. When I looked upward and 
saw the forest trees waving in die gentle 
breezes of the evening, and the stars glistering 
in the blue vault of the skies, they seemed to 
take part with me in adoring the greai Creator. 
We now retired to our tents, and my father, 
having heard of the change^ questioned me as 
to my feelings. I barely told him that I felt 
very differently from what I ever did before ; 
but I said but Uttle, choosing rather to " ponder 
these things in my heart." The next marning 
I arose much refreshed in body, and found 

"My kind Preserrer still was near." 

It was one of the finest mornings I had ever 
beheld. All nature appeared cheerful; my 
burden of sin was removed ; and the very birds 
of the grove appeared to add to my felicity, 
while, in their softest strains, they hymned the 
praises of my redeeming God. 

These feelings were, however, like the mom- * 
ing cloud and early dew, of short duration. 
Soon after, I was passing across the ground 
when I heard one say, " There goes a young 
convert; she experienced religion last night." 
It was immediately suggested, How does he 
know that ? he knows nothing respecting it, 
and should have said nothing. I then began to 
compare my feelings with what they once were, 
and concluded the remark fMi^ be Vme, \t 



was again suggested^ If you have obtained reli- 
gion, why do you not clap yo^r hands, shout, 
and express yourself as strongly as such and 
such late converts ? Now these ydu cannot do, 
and yet you think you^ have religion. In this 
you are deceiving yourself and others. My 
perplexity was great; when several females 
were collecting for prayer meeting, and desired 
me to join them. They offered up many pray- 
ers, giving thanks for what had been done since 
the meeting commenced, and especially what 
had been done for my soul. My heart melted 
into the tenderest emotions of gratitude in view 
of God*s loving kindness ; though I was soon 
again assaulted with temptations similar to 
those just described. In the midst of these tlie 
signal was given for preaching, and we imme- 
diately joined the congregation. Here my mind 
sunk. Not knowing the wiles of the enemy, 
nor being able to discern between '* darkness*' 
and *' heaviness through manifold temptations," 
— a distinction which Mr. Wesley in one of 
his sermons clearly points out, — I gave up my 
hope in Christ, but not my desire for salvation ; 
for I was fully determined never to rest satis- 
fied without a knowledge of sins forgiven. My 
Christian friends, observing my distress, en- 
deavoured to comfort me by assuring me that 
what I felt was only the effect of temptation, 
and that if I continued to pray I should soon 
find deliverance. But it was muc\x ^%!&\st >^ 
believe the tempter than the leaXkoo'Ck'^ ^"^ C\sxv^ 
tian experience, and therefoie 1 xeix»«i^ vo \» 


comforted. Thus I went mourning, being in 
greater distress than I had ever been before, till 
evening ; when I again approached the altar, 
desiring the prayers of the righteous. I had 
not been there long before Mr. B., a man full 
of faith and the Holy Ghost, came to me and 
said, " Childy what do you want ?" I replied, 
*' Religion." He said, ** Did you not experience 
religion last night?" I told him I then thought 
so, but was now afraid. I was deceived. " No," 
said he, ** you were not. You are now labour- 
ing under strong temptations : only believe, and 
you will again rejoice in the smiles of God." 
We had conversed only a few minutes before 
the cloud broke, the tempter fled, and I was 
again filled with all peace and joy in believing. 
Since then, now somewhat more than fifteen 
years, i have never doubted the genuineness of 
the work. 

The next day several of our acquaintance 
and friends came to the meeting, though not as 
many as we expected ; for some of our Presby- 
terian neighbours had taken pains in our ab- 
sence to prejudice their minds against the 
Methodists, and particularly against camp meet- 
ings. The consequence was, they lost their 
convictions ; though these zealous partizans 
appeared much less concerned for them now 
than they did when they were earnestly seek- 
ing salvation among the Methodists ! Many of 
those who came were under the necessity of 
returning the same day, but manifested much 
regret at leaving the place without ex^«t*\civc«!k 


justifying grace. During the remaining part of 
the, meeting the work of Grod progressed pow- 
erfully ; so that it was judged that not less than 
fifty souls were bom of the Spirit ; while many 
returned home earnestly inquiring, '< What must 
I do to be saved ?" 



The next sabbath after the close of the camp 
meeting I attended worship at the Sauquoit 
church, where the sacrament of the Lord's 
supper was administered, in which I felt it both 
a duty and a privilege to participate. The 
ordinance was rendered a great blessing to me, 
and my faith and hope were so strengthened 
and increased, that I could most sincerely say, 
*^ Old things are passed away, behold all things 
are become new." At the five o'clock prayer 
meeting, held at my father's, I was sorely 
tempted not to kneel in prayer, being surround- 
ed with my former gay companions ; but I re- 
sisted the temptation, and found that the cross 
and thei^lessing are inseparably connected. 
God wts with us. 

Not long after this I was accosted by deacon 

with, " Well, Lucy, would ^w Vss^ ^^5^ 

were he to send you to hieWV^ \ u^\\ccssv V 
did aot think he would send lac^ i3ajwe, \& \N>n^^ 



in obedience to his commands ; for he assures 
us that he has no pleasure in the death of him 
that dieth. He said but little more, and what 
he did say was like salt without savour — poor 
food indeed for a young convert. The lead- 
inor members of that communion now became 
very zealous in advocating their peculiar tenets 
in the hearing of the young converts, and made 
the most indefatigable exertions to induce them 
to join their church, and to leave off going to 
Methodist meetings. At this they were much 
grieved, for they were greatly proBted in attend- 
ing these meetings, and -did not wish to be 
bound. FintUng they cpuld not in this way 
succeed, they went again to the young converts 
and made a sort of confession, telling them they 
might have the privilege of attending other 
meetings ; and so they consented to join them. 
Of the fruits of this revival more than fifty be- 
came members of their church. Though I fre- 
quently attended their meetings, I could by no 
means approve of the doctrines which I there 
heard ; except a few sermons delivered in the 
first of the revival, when salvation was freely 
offered to all. Usually their pulpit spoke a 
▼ery different language. And I could not see 
how it was at all compatible with sound reason, 
or even common sense, to suppose that Christ 
made an atonement for all, and yet unchangea- 
bly and eternally designed to save but a very 
few ; and the more I compared this baneful 
doctrine with the word of God the more incon- 
aiatem it appeared. Tho\ig\i rnKXiy ^«ce v«^ 


ened and converted at my father's house, not a 
single individual chose the same communion 
vith myself. This, however, by no means 
discouraged me from doing what I conceived 
to be a solemn duty. Accordingly, October 20, 
1809, being seventeen years and seventeen 
days old, I went to Mr. C.'s, received baptism 
at the hand of the Rev. Ebenezer White, and 
became a member of the Methodist Episcopal 
Church. Nor have I at any time since regret- 
ted the step I then took. On the contrary, I 
have blessed God scores of times, and shall 
probably be thankful for ever for the choice 
which I was then enabled to make. 

It was now said, by my late gay companions, 
that if they took no notice at ail of me, I would 
be glad to join their company again : but in this 
they soon found themselves mistaken, and 
adopted a different policy. Pursuant to their 
new method of treatment, I was invited some 
time after to a quilting. I asked the girl who 
brought the invitation, whether they designed 
to invite a large company ; for if so, I did not 
choose to attend. She replied in the negative. 
But to my great surprise, when I went, I found 
more than could be seated round two quilts ! I 
soon comprehended the stratagem, and cried to 
God, from the very bottom of my heart, to keep 
me from dishonouring his cause. We were 
seated in the very ball chamber, where, at a for- 
mer period, I had anticipated ao m\3k!t^^«*»Qst^ > 
but Uie Lord gave me a Yratc\i£\iV %v«Sx «^^ ^ 
praying frame, so that 1 waa exi»5a\«»^ ^ ^^^ 


verse freely with my young friends on the sub- 
ject of religion. When I came away, which 
was at an early hour, the very person who was 
instrumental in getting me there was in a flood 
of tears, and, had she been permitted to do so, 
would have gladly gone with me to a meeting 
which had been appointed for that evening. 
On leaving I felt like a bird that had escaped 
from the snare of the fowler. 

I will give another instance. My eldest 
brother gave me an invitation to visit with him at 
the same place ; but I mistrusted his design, and 
refused to go. I afterward found my suspicions 
were well grounded. He manifested much 
displeasure, and never after, to my recollection, 
asked me to visit with him. I now had to bear 
the imputation of " superstitiousness," and had 
many grievous things said to me ; but the reli- 
gion of Christ outweighed them all, while I 
was enabled to rejoice that I was counted 
worthy to suffer reproach because I trusted in 
the living God. I felt a strong affection for my 
relatives who were out of Christ, and earnestly 
desired their salvation ; but I felt a still greater 
nearness to the people of God. Those who 
are truly one in Christ are united by ties that 
" nature and time can't dissolve." 

When I was eighteen years of age, deeming 
it my duty to pay still further attention to the 
cultivation of my mind, I went to school at 
Sauquoit Creek, and boarded with brother Eli- 
jah Davis, Here I enjoyed every desirable 
iv/i^ons adFantage. Thete w%sa\«t^"fe«t>eV 


in tlie place, and many of its menjbers not only 
enjoyed daily communion with God, but were 
contending earnestly for the faith once deliver- 
ed unto the saints. Entire sanctification 
was their practical motto. O, how infinitely 
desirable did this blessing appear ! I had been 
praying, from the time of my conversion, that I 
might " receive the Holy Ghost," and be " till- 
ed with all the^ fulness of God." My brethren 
encouraged me to pray for the blessing, believ- 
ing that I should receive it. One evening, at 
prayer meeting, when earnestly struggling for 
a clean heart, I felt a singular sensation 
throughout my whole system. Not knowing 
what it was, I immediately ceased praying, and 
began to reason concerning the cause of it, but 
could find none on any natural principle with 
which I was acquainted. Something like a 
still small voice seemed to interrogate me 
" For what have you been praying ?" My reply 
was, that I might be fdled with the Holy Spirit. 
Again it was said, "Do not fear; only be* 
lieve : what you have felt was in answer to 
prayer : pray on, and the blessing will soon be 
yours." And, blessed be God, it was not long 
befoie my soul was so overwhelmed with the 
divine piesence and glory, that my body sunk 
down to the floor, and I could only exclaim, 
" Glory to God in the liighest ! Glory to his 
name for ever !" My soul was, indeed, filled 
" unutterably full of glory and oC Oo^^ 

And here I would say, l^ait, m m-^ q^y^v^j^!^ 
tJie chief reason why there ai^ »o m-a-^l ^^\s^ 


half-hearted Christians, is, they do not pers€ 
vere in the exercise of faith and prayer. Fait 
is the grand instrument by which we appropri 
ate the blessings of God's great salvation ;- 
faith in the blood of the atonement ; faith 1 
the divine promises ; faith in the inexhausti 
ble resources of his grace. According to ot 
faith it will be done unto us. If we believe, w 
shall see the glory of God. But watchfulnes 
is equally necessary if we would retain th 
blessing. Our blessed Lord says, " What 
say unto you I say unto all, Watch.'' An 
again, " Watch and pray, lest ye enter int 
temptation." I shall ever have reason to b 
thankful for faithful, praying brethren. Unde 
God they have been rendered a great blessin 
to me ; and I would at this time call upon m; 
soul and all within me to bless the great Hea 
of the church for the benefits I have receive 
through their instrumentality. 




The first of April, 1811, I entered upon 

new employment — that of school teaching 

On the whole, I found it rather a delightfi 

task. " To teach the young idea how to shoot, 

to shape the £rst buddings of the immorts 

intellect, must afford pleaswxe \o Ocife ^A« 


thropic bosom. I, however, soon found myself 
exposed to trials to which I had c^er before 
been a stranger. 

Not long after I had commenced, some of my 
brethren asked me if I prayed with my scholars ? 
I told them I did not, nor did I feel it my duty 
to do so. One of them said, " We as a people 
believe in prayer, both public and private, 
and it is a duty from which even females are 
not exonerated.'' I acknowledged it was our 
duty sometimes to pray in social meetings, but 
told the individual who spoke to me, I could not 
think it was mine to pray in school. I how- 
ever told him, that should I feel it to be a duty, 
I would not hesitate to attempt it ; being quite 
confident it would never be required of me. 
" But God's ways are not as our ways, neither 
are his thoughts as our thoughts." Soon after 
another friend, a school teacher, asked me if I 
were to teach where all were Methodists, 
whether I did not think I should pray with my 
scholars ? I replied, " I do not know how I 
should feel under such circumstances ; but, as 
almost every family where I am belongs to 
some other denomination, I cannot think it my 
duty here." He said, " I now see where you 
are : you have reasoned and reasoned till you 
have lost all proper views of the subject : and 
still I believe it your duty to pray in your 
school." The next day I went to the school as 
usual, but could not help reflecluk^ oc.^^^'&vs^vaSsjj 
upon this conversalion. 3uBt ^t \)^e^ c\q^^ ^ 
iie day, I bad occasion to aeV some ^S. Va^ 


scholars if they knew in what part of the Bible 
the ten commandments could be found, and 
told them I would read the chapter in wliich 
they were embraced. I went to the table, 
opened the drawer, and, as I took up the Bible, 
it was powerfully impressed upon my mind 
that I must pray. The impression seemed un- 
reasonable, and I strongly resisted it. The 
internal monitor said, ^^WiU you, dare you 
refuse, when you promised no longer ago than 
yesterday, that if you were convinced it was 
your duty, you would do it ? And now it is the 
Spirit of God that speaks to you !" I then 
thought I would read the chapter, and see how 
I should feel. I did so, but with a palpitating 
heart ; often saying, *^ Alas ! what shall I do ?" 
After reading the chapter, I made a few remarks 
on its solemn import and binding obligation, 
and, reasoning upon what the people would 
say about so unusual a procedure, felt a strong 
inclination to dismiss without prayer. I ac- 
cordingly prepared to do so, thinking if I felt 
the same impression to pray the next evening, 
I would bear the cross. But, O, that divine 
Spirit, whose office it is to " reprove the work 
of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment," re 
proved me in a manner I shall never forget 
Yes, he illuminated my heart, and brought ce 
tain past occurrences so distinctly to my r 
membrance, that I dared not defer till to-mc 
row what ought to be done to-day. But, 
what a struggle between nature and grac 
What a dark cloud of temptations axo^^\ \ 


gretted the duty had not been made known 
when I first began to teach, thinking that then 
the cross might not have been so great. But 
heavy as it now was, conscience compelled 
me to bear it. I requested the scholars to lay 
aside their things, telling them, at the same 
time, that I thought it my duty to pray with 
them, and that I should try to do so. As soon 
as I bowed before the Lord, the cloud broke, 
the tempter fied, and my soul was filled with 
joy and peace in believing. I arose with 
thankfulness, and dismissed my little charge ; 
but remained awhile to reflect on the astonish- 
ing goodness of my directing and supporting 

I then went to brother C.'s, where I was 
boarding. When I laid oflf my things, 'sister 
C. said, " What do you think I have heard our 
little boys say since they came from school ? 
Not knowing that I heard them, Alanson said 
to Lyman, * What do you think Miss L. prayed 
with us for V He replied, * I don't know ; for 
what did she V * I guess I know,' said Alanson, 
* it is because she wants we should be happy, 
and go to heaven when we die.'" These 
boys are now grown to manhood, and, with 
several others who then belonged to my school, 
are members of tlie church. May they be 
useful in their generation, and help to swell the 
song of triumph before the throne of God! 
How many proofs have we that Soloavovw \3X\«t- 
ed an indisputable truth w\ieii\i© ^^i^, '•'•'^x'swsv 
up a child in the way he s\xo\x\viL ^o, ^tA ^nNnr;^ 


he is old he will not depart from it." Impressed 
with this sentiment, I purchased several copies 
of the Methodist Catechisms, and gave them to 
the children. But, to my great surprise, I soon 
found that this step gave great offence to some 
of their parents. A Baptist elder, who lived 
near, came the next morning, leading his little 
daughter, and bringing the book in his hand. 
After the customary compliment, he said to me, 
" I don't thank you for giving one of my 
children this book ; for I don't want they 
should learn it." I asked him what were his 
objections ? He said, " They were various. 
One was, that they had catechisms of their own : 
and another, that ours taught there were condi- 
tions in the gospel." I told him I believed 
there were, and that the sentiment was agreea- 
ble to the word of God. He replied, " Then 
you are in an error ; for there are no conditions 
in the gospel, and I do not wish to have my 
children taught that there are." I soon found 
there were five different persuasions in the dis- 
trict, or, at least, that they had five different sorts 
of catechisms ; and, as I could not in conscience 
teach them all, I judged it advisable to teach 
only the Lord's prayer and the ten command- 
ments. This, I ascertained, met with general 

A few weeks after I commenced praying in 
my school, two elderly ladies belonging to the 
district came to visit me ; the one a Presbyte- 
rian^ the other a Baptist. I performed the or- 
dinary duties o{ the sc\ioo\ m\\v ^^^^^ox^. 


tliinking these Christian ladies would, in view 
of my youth and inexperience, close with 
prayer for me. But in this I was sadly disap- 
pointed ; ioT when I proposed to join with one 
of them, she looked me full in the face without 
saying a single word ! I stood several minutes, 
but no one broke silence ; nor had I confidence 
to ask them again. I now thought, What 
shall I do? Shall I for fear of the cross 
neglect my duty to God and my fellow-crea- 
tnres ? No, I cannot. But not receiving so 
much as a word of encouragement, my mind * 
did not fioar above the trial : still I did as well 
as I could. These ladies desired me to spend 
the rest of the afternoon with them, but I pre- 
ferred, the place of solitude, where I could pour 
out my soul in prayer to God. I often met 
with similar trials ; though I must say that no 
one after this visited my school, who, if she did 
not wish to pray herself, did not express a de- 
sire to join with me. And notwithstanding, in 
many instances, 1 have felt the cross so heavy 
that I could hardly bear it, yet a consciousness 
of having endeavoured to do my duty has been 
a solace to my soul ; especially while I have 
claimed that heart-cheering promise, " As thy 
day is so shall thy strength be." 

After teaching six months, I went home to 
spend the winter. Soon after I was attacked 
with the St. x^nthony's fire, which difiused 
itself over the chief portion of my i%.^^, «i ^^^ 
my head was swollen to a £nf^\iXXv\ ^vx^-^ ^^^^ 
some fears were entertained \\iax \ tkv^ ^^"^ 


recover. But the Lord stood by me in this 
time of trial, and so abundantly supported me 
wijlh his almighty arm, that I could say, ^' For 
me to live is Christy and to die is gain." 

I was again gradually restored to health, so 
that in the ensuing spring I was able to resume 
my labours in the same place where I had 
taught before. Nothing worthy of special no- 
tice in regard to my school occurred this season. 
I enjoyed many blessings both of a temporal 
and spiritual kind, and felt myself more than 
•ever a debtor to divine grace. In the autumn 
I was again brought to view death as at the 
very door. The extraction of a tooth ruptured 
a blood vessel, causing the vital fluid to flow 
almost constantly for twelve or fourteen hours ! 
Death appeared inevitable ; but to me he was 
no longer the king of terrors ; nor was the grave 
in the least appalling. I was even anxious to 
depart and be with Christ. My end, however, 
was not yet. A simple application produced 
the desired relief, and the blood ceased to 
flow. Thus was I spared still longer to do as 
well as to suffer the divine will. 

In the summers of 1813 and 1814 I was em- 
ployed in teaching a school about three or four 
miles distant from the place where I had 
taught the preceding seasons. Here there were 
only two or tjiree families of Methodists, though 
there were several of Universalists, and some 
members of other denominations. * I howevf 
/bi/jid but httJe satisfaction among the Univf 
sahsts ; for while thev talk muc\i u\iO\ 


ing saved, and going to heaven, they do not even 
" strive to enter in at the strait gate ;" arid I 
awfully fear they " will not be able." While 
here I was deprived of meetings except on the 
sabbath, and then I generally met with the so- 
ciety near my father's. But the Lord gave 
me many blessings, both in the closet and in 
the sanctuary, causing my cup to run over with 

One evening, while I was conversing with a 

young woman, she was brought to feel her need 
of an interest in the Saviour ; but expressed a 
fear that it was too late for her to find mercy. 
After I had repeated to her many encouraging 
promises from the best of all books, I asked her 
if she would be willing to pray twice a day for 
four weeks that God would pardon her sins. 
She said she would try, and in less than three 
weeks the Lord set her soul at liberty. She 
lived several years a faithful member of our 
church, then died in holy triumph, and is doubt- 
less now in the paradise of God. 

I called one morning to see Mrs. G., an 
Episcopalian, who was then very sick. She was 
a very kind and amiable woman, though natu- 
rally of a somewhat hasty spirit. I found her 
meek and gentle as a lamb, perfectly resigned 
to the will of God, and patiently waiting till 
her change should come. She rejoiced that I 
had set out early in life to devote myself to the 
service of God, and encouraged cva \tt ^'tafe- 
vcre. She also requested me \o '^^^^^ ^^^ 
children, and instruct them m xW ^«^^ ^^ "^^^ 



ligion. And when I excused myself on the 
ground of incompetency, she said, " You know 
9ie way, they do not ; and you must do your 
duty to them." She then desired me to pray. 
I was much affected, but told her I would try. 
As, however, she did not distinctly understand 
me, she supposed I had declined, and tenderly 
apologized for having asked me. Hence I 
went away without praying, but was so con- 
victed that I could not enjoy peace till I had 
repented, and fully resolved, that should I be 
again desired to pray with the sick, how heavy 
soever the cross might be, I would bear it. 
And I bless God that I have hitherto been able 
io keep my vow, and have often. found it " bet- 
ter to go to the house of mourning" and afflic- 
tion " than to the house of feasting." Not long 
after I called again, but she had fallen beneath 
" the pale horse and his rider I** Good woman, 
she has doubtless entered into rest. 

During the season I attended a camp meet- 
ing about two miles from my father's. Here I 
had a severe conflict of mind. It was on this 
wise : several persons from the neighbourhood 
where I lived came to our tent and desired 
me to go with them to the prayer circle. I 
complied with great reluctance, knowing the 
temptations to which I should be exposed if I 
did not enter into the spirit of the meeting. I 
however thought I would be a spectator a little 
while ; but when I reached the circle I felt it 
my duty to join in the devotions of God's people. 
■JReiuaing to do this, coTidetini«\%oTi ^olWved. 


I left my company and returned to the tent 
with a heavy heart, conscious that I had griev- 
ed the Spirit of God ; but resolved I would not . 
rest where I was. Accordingly I entered 
the next praying circle that was formed, and 
¥n:e8tled*in prayer till Grod delivered my soul. 
Several were converted at this meeting, but 
none from our part of the town. The love- 
feast was a good one. When, however, I 
arose to speak, the cross was so heavy that I 
could hardly stand : but I soon felt that the arm 
of Omnipotence was my support, and found 
great freedom in declaring to my companions 
what great things the Lord had done for me, 
and my determination to live and die in his 
service. Truly my soul was filled with joy 
unspeakable ! 

This season our society sustained an irre- 
parable loss in the death of a mother in Israel ; 
one indeed " in whom there was no guile." 
She died of the epidemic which prevailed in 
our neighbourhood at that time, but she fell 
" covered with glory," and in full prospect of 
eternal life. Who can doubt that our loss was 
her infinite gain ? 

Some time in February I was taken ill, and 
in March, unconscious that I had been exposed 
to them, I broke out with the measles. Some 
of the family took the disease from me, and had 
not fully recovered before I was taken ill again. 
My mother was soon taken down; axvd \ss£^3 
eldest brother, who almost i\dic\3\e^ xsv^ ^- 
cause J thought I had tlie meas\©B, ^^'*> ^ 


times, quite bereft of his senses. This was 
indeed a trying time to me. The anxiety I felt 
for my mother, and the distressing fears I had 
lest my brother should die in this situation, to- 
gether with the care* of the family, ouite over- 
came me, and I fell into a sort of hysteric 
spasms. This occasioned a most unpleasant 
state of mind. One morning I answered my 
sister so tartly that my mother reproved me. 
But it really appeared to me that I could not 
help it. My whole nervous system was in 
a state of such excessive irritability, that it 
seemed to me I should be entirely deranged. 
The common foe, taking advantage of my 
weakness, made sad havoc of my religious en- 
joyments. I however knew where to go for 
relief. I had not now to learn that " God was 
a refuge in distress ; a very present help in the 
time of trouble." To him, therefore, I went in 
deep mental anguish. At first my prayers 
were " greatly hindered," but I continued to 
" cry unto the Lord,", resolved never to rest till 
he "avenged me of mine adversary." After 
spending most of the forenoon in this way I 
obtained the victory, and was again enabled to 
rejoice in God my Saviour. In due time our 
family were again restored to health. "O 
that men would praise the Lord for his good- 
ness, and for his wonderful works to the chil- 
dren of men !" 

In the spring I returned to my school ; but 

O, what a change ! Death had taken three 

grown persons from one icLmW^^ «xA v«^ ^ooi 


another. I trust some of them were prepared, 
but must leave them in the hands of God. I 
now more than ever saw the necessity of being 
watchful and devoted, and desired to live every 
day as though it were my last. But after aU 
God had'done for me, I was often forced to 

" Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it ; 
Prone to leave the God I love !" 

Sometimes I felt the roots of pride springing 
up and troubling me. I will mention an in- 
stance, though at first view it may appear 
trifling. I was invited to a quilting, and felt 
an inclination to appear not quite as plain as I 
had done ; though I had no disposition to wear 
any thing that would be readily called super- 
fluous. When putting on the extra article I 
felt some rebukes of conscience, but regarded 
it as being so trifling that I thought I would 
wear it, till something seemed to say, '* Do you 
think Deborah (a very gay young lady who 
died of the prevailing epidemic a short time 
before, in a state of insensibility) would now 
wish to appeuup such a manner ? Certainly 
not : then wh^mould yoH 1" After prayer and 
examination I became perfectly satisfied I was 
wrong, and governed myself accordingly. I 
found if I would preserve my conscience ten- 
der, I must treat it tenderly. When I reached 
the place of my engagement such was my 
gratkode to God that I could scarcely te^C't^x!^ 
firom weeping. Had I given way \» ^3^^ ^^^ 
evi), I might iiave beeiL easily ovexco\AA\s5 



the second, namely, a light and trifUog spirit ; 
and so have dishonoured the cause of God. 
But in both respects I hate graciously kept 
from sinning against him. Glory be to his 
name for ever ! 




In the summer of 1815>I lived with brother 
Elijah Davis, at Sauquoit Creek. Three other 
young women, all members of the M. £. Church, 
resided at the same place. My religious privi- 
leges here were great ; and as every member 
of the family was a professed disciple of the 
Saviour, it might truly be said, ^' How good 
and how pleasant it is to dwell together in 
unity !" 

The preacher on the station, the Rev. Abner 
Chase, was a strict disciplinarian; but tery 
mild and condescending, hojv and useful; 
being aealously engaged in pitching the gos- 
pel i^d building up the walls of Zion. Nor 
were liis labours in vain in the Lord. Sinners 
were awakened, mourners comforted, and be* 
Uevers " built up on their most holy faith 
Thus circumstanced, I daily felt an increas? 
desire for a greater conformity to the will of 
heavenly Father. The more closeily I folk 
ed $be ^eacJungs of the divine Spml^^^gEtti 


need I felt of having every power, and passion, 
and affection of my soul '^ brought into captivity 
to the obedience of Christ." Nor could I rest 
at all satisfied while the roots of pride, or un- 
belief, or any other besetting sin, remained in 
my heart. I was sometimes led to think the 
long-sought blessing near. But again unbe- 
lief, with a sense of my un worthiness, prevailed, 
causing me to think that when I had used a 
great deal more self-denial, fasting, and prayer, 
I might expect it ; but not now. Still I thought 
no sacrifice too great for me ; feeling a con- 
stant and increasing ^* hungering and thirsting 
after righteousness ;" with a strong conviction 
that if I persevered, the blessing ^ould be 
mine. In this I was not disappointed. 

October 28, 1815, I attended the quarterly 
meeting at Sauquoit ; and at the evening prayer 
meeting the Spirit of God was poured out upon 
his people in a remarkable manner. There 
were present many witnesses of perfect love, 
who, '^J|tti breathing thoughts and burning 
words,''rewted what God had done for them. 
O, how infinitcilpr desirable the blessing appear- 
ed ! It seemed just before me, and my breth- 
ren encouraged me to lay hold of it by faith. 
But Satan suggested, *' If you obtain it you will 
soon lose it again ; and you had better remain 
just where you are." I replied, " He that hath 
kept me thus far in a justified state, will keep 
me to the end in a state of aaivcV.V^Ci^^aa^/'^^^ ^ 
do butinist in him." I was now Toote e\©^^l[ ^^^- 
vjnced tbaa ever, that the leasou viVj V^^o^^^ 


obtain the blessing, was simply because I lacked 
faith in the blood of the atonement, even thai 
blood that " cleanseth from all sin." It is faitli 
in God that overcomes our mountainous difficul- 
ties, and brings the soul out into *'a large and 
wealthy place." Mark xi, 22, 23, 24. St 
John says, *? This is the confidence we have in 
him, that if we ask any thing' according to his 
will, he heareth us : and if we know that he 
hear us, whatsoever we ask we know that we 
have the petitions that we desired of him." 

I commenced praying vocally for sanctifying 
grace, " pouring out my supplications," like my 
divine Master, " with strong crying and tears ;' 
and in a few moments my soul was so over« 
whelmed with the divine presence and glory 
that I fell to the floor. I remained in this 
state some time, now and then partially recover- 
ing my strength. But my prayer to God was, 
that I might never rise again without the wit- 
ness of perfect love. A severe struggle follow- 
ed, for Satan suggested that I il^ happy 
enough now, and that there was no need of any 
thing further. But this only -^increased my 
anxiety to be lost and swallowed up in God 
And, blessed be his name, it was not long be- 
fore I could say, " My Father God, with ar 
unwavering tongue." Yes, my poor soul was 
emptied of sin, and then filled from the ocean 
of eternal love. God was mine and I was his 
He was all, filled all, surrounded all. Should ] 
attempt to describe a thousandth part of what ] 
^Jt, laaguage would fail me. Hi^o ^om\it^«w 


it one must experience it. The place was 
indeed " none other but the house of God, and 
the gate of heaven." 

My strength was soon restored, and I told 
my brethren I had experienced a greater bless- 
ing than I had ever before, but did not tell them 
I was *' made perfect in love ;" for I chose to 
prove the blessing before I openly professed it ; 
though I soon found God had not lighted up the 
lamp of life in my soul to be " put under a bed 
or bushel." After the people dispersed I 
retired, but for some time could get no sleep, 
being filled with wonder, love, and praise. My 
meditations were sweet. I thought. Is it 
possible that / have received so great a bless- 
ing ! / who have been so great a sinner, now 
saved by grace ! made an heir of God, and a 
join their with Christ ! ! I felt that it was in- 
deed, and beyond all doubt, a matter of fact ; 
and my only desire was to know and do the 
will of God. It was now powerfully impressed 
upon my mind, that it would be my duty to 
confess in the presence of God's saints what 
had been done for my soul. After a severe 
mental conflict I 3rieldeid to the impression, and 
then fell asleep. When I arose in the morn- 
ing I went to the book of God, earnestly pray- 
ing to be guided into all truth. The first woras 
I opened t6 were, " A false witness shall pev^- 
ish; but ^' man that heareth speaketh con^s. 
stat^y." I lliought. Surely this is a dee^ l««i«OQk 
of isataucdon to me: I must aUen^dL <^o»^ na 
the ieMebings of the divine SpiE\t,\e«X ^^^«t ^ 


I have received I " perish." I opened again 
to, " As ye have therefore received Christ Je- 
sus the Lord, so walk ye in him : rooted and 
built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as 
ye have been taught, abounding therein with 
thanksgiving." And also, " Put on the whole 
armour of God, that ye may be able to stand 
against the wiles of the devil." I cried out, 
" It is enough, Lord ; I am perfectly satisfied ; 
and by thy grace will endeavour to proclaim thy 
* great salvation.' " I went to the love-feast and 
spoke of the blessing I had received, and the 
flame of divine love seemed to spread over the 
whole assembly, while my own soul rejoiced 
" with joy unspeakable and full of glory." 
This was a day long to be remembered. 

I went home at evening, and not feeling sat- 
isfied to eat my morsel alone, acquainted my 
parents with what I had received. My father 
made this reply, " Remember how easily a clean 
garment is spotted^ These words made a 
deep and lasting impression upon my mind, and 
the cry of my heart was, that my soul might 
never be stained with sin. After my father 
prayed in family worship, I felt such an anxious 
desire for the salvation of my brothers and sis- 
ters, that I began praying ; but had continued 
the exercise only a few minutes when my soul 
was so filled with heavenly lore, M transport- 
ed with new and vivid conceptions of Grod and 
eternal things, that my body could not support 
Jts weight, and I sunk motionless to the floor ! 
TA/s, being something new, ete«.\A^TtfA. ^\il 


excitement in the family. One went up stairs ; 
another called for water to throw in my face ; 
and a third ran out of doors ! They were doubt- 
less powerfully convicted, though, alas, they 
soon grieved the Spirit of God ! 

In the summer of 1816 1 taught school in our 
own district, and the Lord gave me favour in the 
sight of the people, as well as of the children 
committed to my care. Indeed, I was prosper- 
ed in all my undertakings ; so that I had 
nothing to do but to go forward in the way of 
duty; *' rejoicing evermore, praying without 
ceasing, and in every thing giving thanks." 

Still I was not without my trisds, and these 
from near friends. We had stated prayer 
meetings at our house, and our parents desired 
that they might be continued during their ab- 
sence on a journey. At this my eldest brother 
was much displeased. As I was the only 
remaining member of the family who wished 
to have the meetings continued, and as I did 
not board at home all the time, he even wished 
roe not to come home at all ! thinking if I 
stayed away the Methodists would not come. 
We however maintained our ground, and the 
Lord supported us in all our tribulations, by 
imparting the abundant consolations of his Spi- 
rit. When at home, during the absence of our 
purents, I felt it my duty to pray with the 
family ; but he would seldom stay in the house ; 
saying he had rather hear it th.und«t V O^a^ 
time, when I was trj^ng \o pexwasAft \»xa. Nft 
seek religion, he said, He bYioxMl tosJi^fc ^^s^ ^ 



vrell as the generality of people, and should nc 
concern himself about the subject. *' But," sal 
he, " if you have got religion, keep it." Whai 
ever the motive that prompted it, this was 
good caution ; for many who set out well hav 
halted in their spiritual journey, and I fear wil 
come short of heaven at last. O, may Go 
keep me from the awful sin of backsliding ! 

September 5th, I attended camp meeting ii 
Westmoreland, near the place where I wa 
converted. This was rendered a. peculia 
blessing to me. How memorable the spo 
where I was delivered from the galling yoke o 
sin, and brought into this liberty of the childrei 
of God ! The present meeting was a good one 
In the closing love-feast thirty-six testified tha 
they had found redemption in Christ during th< 
meeting. God was with us of a truth ! Ma] 
I never forget his loving kin^ess. 



In the summer of 1817 I was delightful!) 
employed in teaching the school near the Far 
mers' factory, at Sauquoit Creek. Here I was 
blessed with many precious privileges in at- 
tending the means of grace. We frequently 
lisd prayer meetings at sunrise on sabbatl 
BiondngB, which I found exceetov^y ^iQfe&5&A« 


and especially as they more fully prepared my 
heart for the reception of the word of God. We 
also had prater meetings at five o'clock on 
Sunday eveaing, class meetings on Tuesday 
evening, and prayer meetings again on Thurs- 
day evening. Enjoying these means of spiritual 
improvement, my soul flourished as the garden 
of the Lord. 

I had not been here long before my father 
was taken alarmingly ill, and I was sent for. 
For somotime his Ufe was despaired of, yet his 
soul was happy in God, and perfectly resigned 
to his will. Though conscious that his con- 
tinuance on earth would be a great comfort to 
his family, he said he would not turn over his 
band ta live or die. He frequently remarked, 
that a sick bed was a poor place on which to seek 
religion. " If I had this work to do now," said he, 
'* I should certainly die ; for I could not endure 
the pains of a guilty conscience and the distress 
of body I now feel." I found his conversation 
very profitable to me. He wished me to make 
death and judgment as familiar as my daily em- 
ployment, and to keep my relation to the invisi- 
ble world constantly in view. After tenderly 
alluding to the trials to which I should be ex- 
posed should he leave us, he asked if I were 
willing to part with him ? I told him I should 
expect triads, though I had no doubt our loss • 
would be his infinite gain, and therefore could 
say, « Not my will, but thine, O God, Vi^dss^^" 
He then exhorted me to peiaeNet^ \ tot «a^^?^*i 
"O Jww giad I shall be to meex o«v^ ^^ ^^=1 


children in heaven I I should indeed rejoice to 
see them all there ; but if they do not seek re- 
ligion, I never shall ; for without it we must be 
etemadly separated!" But this sickness was 
not unto death. No doubt in answer to the 
many prayers offered for him, the means used 
for his recovery were blessed of Grod, and he 
was gradually restored to health. O, my soul, 
adore the Goid of love for his sparing mercy ! 
I returned to my school under a deep sense of 
his goodness, and resolved to devote myself 
entirely to his blessed service. - 

In 1818 I tatight again in the same place, 
having favour in the sight of the people, and of 
those committed to my charge. One day I was 
reflecting on these words, *' Ye shall be hat^d 
of all men for my sake/' and, *^ they shall say all 
manner of evil against you falsely." I .thought, 
Surely, these words cannot he applicable to 
me ; for I pass along most agreeably, being 
blessed with every thing I need for soul and 
for body. Here most distressing temptations 
arose, the enemy suggesting, '^ You are not a 
child of God, for you are not * hated,' nor do 
you have ' all manner of evil spoken against 
you.' " But the rays of divine light which 
emanated from the Sun of righteousness, and 
fell upon my anxious soul, repelled the dark 
suggestion, and filled me with comfort and 

November 16th, after a short vacation, I 
commenced teaching again for the winter ; and 
^^Jt to say as did Paul on a cetteXTL ox^cmoGL^ 


"Who is sufficient for these things?" Yet 
having taught in the same place for the two 
preceding seasons, and being counted worthy 
by the district, I undertook the task, relying on 
God for direction and support. My scholars 
made good^ proficiency; and I have reason to 
believe that the serious impressions made on the 
minds of some of them will never be fdrgotten ; 
for I have «inoe seen them happy in religion. 

On Christtnas day I went home to see my 
parents, and as they had invited several mem- 
bers of the society to meet me, we held a 
prayer meeting. This was' a season long to be 
remembered, on account of the outpouring of 
the Holy Spirit. Our hearts were united in 
one, and it seemed " a heaven below our Re- 
deemer to know ;" while our isouls were trans- 
ported with the pleasing thought of meeting 
one day in the kingdom of our heavenly Father, 
to part no more for ever ! 

January 2. We have had severe trials by 
reason of the departure of some from the holy 
commandments delivered unto them. But I 
find, on examination, that this does not in the 
least weaken my faith, or discourage me in the 
pursuit of eternal life. No, glory to God ! He 
has promised never to forsake those who trust 
in him ; and by his grace I am resolved never 
to forsake him who has done so much for me. 

On Wednesday, of this week, my brother and 
sister, with their school teacher «a\4 %«^«w&. 
others, came to visit my school. 1 i^^* '^^ ^ ^«^ 
cross to pray in their pre8enoe,b\xX ioxxsA ^^^^«^ 


to Grod, and a consequent blessing to my soul. 
All except one kneeled with me, and may the 
gracious God teach them the necessity of prayer ! 
In the afternoon we visited two other schools, 
where all was turmoil and confusion. How 
much depends on goo^ order ! where every one 
knows his place and keeps it. Perhaps it is 
not too much to say, that under such circum- 
stances, the scholars will learn much faster 
than they otherwise would, 

February 23. The inspectors visited ray 
school, expressed their entire approbation of 
my course of instruction and government, and 
gave the scholars praise for having excelled 
every other school they had visited. But when 
will they learn the " one thing needful ?" O, 
Shepherd of Israel, guide their youthful feet 
into " the way everlasting !" 

I spent the summer of 1819 in the same 
place, but was not free from.trials, though fully 
resolved to follow the Lord through evil report 
as well as good report. I think in all my life I 
never had a greater discovery of the native de- 
pravity of my heart. Surely, "in my flesh 
there dwelleth no good thing." To Grod I am 
indebted for all that is good. In all my reli- 
gious performances, 

" What are my works but sin and death 
Till God his quick'ning spirit breathe V* 

But blessed be Grod, I do feel his " quickening 

Spirit," and my soul is happy in his smiles. 

Last week I attended a camp meeting. Seve- 

ral were cooverted from tte enoi ol xJaavi ^^^^^^ 


and three backsliders reclaimed. O, what a 
pleasing change does grace produce ! Those 
who once slighted the Friend of sinners and 
the company of the pious,, are now rejoicing in 
the salvation of the gospel, and inviting sinners 
to return to God. One has found peace this 
week» and many more are serious. O may the 
Jjord powerfully revive his work throughout the 
whole neighbourhood ! 

July 22. Little did I think of ever having to 
record what has occurred within the last two 
weeks. I have had a sort of presentiment 
that trials were before me, but could not antici- 
pate what they were, nor from what source 
they would probably come. Last ^Friday the 

news came to me that uncle J. S , my 

mother's brother, had taken poison, and was 
thought to be in a dangerous state. On Satur- 
day I went with several others to see him. 
After brother G. had conversed with him some 
time, uncle asked him to pray. Being ques- 
tioned whether he would pray for himself, he 
answered in the affirmative. It was a very 
solemn time, and I had some hope that God 
would have mercy on him. As I was sitting 
at the foot of his bed, he looked very wistfully 
at me, and said, "The days are long to lie 
here." "Yes," said I, "but eternity is much 
longer." He assented. " Here," said I, 
" one day passes away after another, and is 
gone ; but eternity has no end. Do you think 
you will get well again 1" He leijAV©^/^'^^-^ ,^ 
mskedbim if he thought he alicmll^'t^ ^ ^ws% 


to take more poison, should he get well. He 
answered, '* Np, I think I should try to live 
better." I asked him how death appeared to 
him — ^to think of being cold, and stiff, and con-^ 
fined within the narrow limits of the coffin. ^ 
He replied with singular emphasis, *^ DarkJ' 
So long as the doctor Mattered him with hopes 
of recovery, he did not own but ihaX he intertded 
to poison himself; but after he was given up/ 
he confessed he had no such intention ; his de- 
sign was merely to frighten his family ! He 
told the doctor he was willing to do his utmost 
in swallowing whatever had ' a tendency to 
counteract the poison. But, alas ! it was ail in 
vain. He appeared penitent, and was much in 
prayer. He also gave good advice to his 
family and others, telling them to take warning 
by him. On Monday, at half past 6 o'clock^ P. 
M., after a most distressing day, he expired. 
The last he was heard to say was the Lord's 
prayer.. How it is with him is not for me to 

Habits of intoxication, in which he had in- 
dulged for years, were doubtless the cause of 
this rash deed. When excited by strong drink 
he could not bear to be crossed in the least. 
Thus excited, he was at work with his son, and 
being provoked at something, he violently threw 
some hard substance at him. The son went to 
the house and told his mother. Presently his 
father came in, and after refreshing himself, 
said to H., " We must go to work again." My 
aunt remarked^ that she vrasa£m3LV>\c^\^ Wok 


go lest he should get injured by something that 
might be thrown at him. At this he fiew into 
a violent passion, said he had poison, would 
take it, and be a dead man within ah hour! 
" This his way was his folly," and may none 
of " his posterity approve of his doings !" 

On Tuesday, July 20th, his remains were 
carried to the Episcopal church, and the Rev. 
Mr. Huse preached on the occasion from the 
eighty-ninth Psalm, forty-eighth verse, " What 
man is he that liveth and shall not see death ?" 
Though I could not agree with him in all he 
said, yet I must say his address to the mourn- 
ers was excellent, and I hope it will not soon 
be forgotten. It was indeed a very solemn 
time, and I trust it will prove a lesson to the 
living, by which they may learn to shun the 
snares of vice, and prepare to meet their God. 

August 20th. I Vent to see cousin Minerva 
Root, and found her, to all appearance, just 
upon the verge of the grave, though perfectly 
resigned to the -will of God, and quite ready to 
depart and be with Christ. At her special re- 
quest, the Rev. G. W. Densmore came and 
administered to her the solemn ordinance of 
Christian baptism. I was not present, but was 
told by those- who were, that it was a season 
of most affecting interest. In the evening she 
said to her father, who was a professed Univer- 
salist, " Mr. Densmore has been to see me, and 
has administered baptism to me." He re^Ued^ 
" Was that any satisfaction lo youV' '^ O ^«^T 
ffajdshe, **it seemed when iixe ^^^«^ ^^&«^ 


plied, that my soul was elevated far above the 
earth and near the divine throne !" 

How mysterious are the ways of Providence ! 
She had every preparation made for starting on 
a journey the very morning she was taken ill. 
And yet she was perfectly resigned to the will 
of Grod. She said to me, " I am willing to be 
disappointed : the Lord knows what is best : 
and to his pleasure I cheerfully resign myself. 
I iiave always been afraid I should not have 
grace to carry me through : but the Lord has 
continued his support till the present moment. 
how good he is ! I can never sufficiently 
adore him for his loving kindness to such a 
worm of earth." Her father said he was sorry 
that any of his children should borrow trouble 
about their future state ; for he believed they 
had all their punishment in this ; and that so 
satisfied was he of this fact that he would be 
perfectly willing to suffer all that might be laid 
upon them hereafter : he knew Grod would not 
make creatures to punish them after death. I 
told him we must all answer for ourselves at 
the judgment seat of Christ : but this seemed 
like foolishness to him. I however thought it 
an unseasonable time to say any thing more to 
him on the subject, and could only in silence 
say, " Lord, have mercy on him, and show him 
the error of his ways: make him acquainted 
with thy great salvation." 

September 6th. We are in hopes cousin M. 

is a little better, but whether she will recover 

seems still quite unceitain. ^\i& \«cia\ta ^qaj^ 


py in God, and resigned to his will. I had a 
most refreshing time with her in prayer ; after 
which she took my hand and kissed it, and 
said, ** We shall meet by and by to part no 
more for ever." O, the untold felicities of the 
Christian religion ! 

September 18th. Called again to see mv 
dear cousin, and found she still had, though 
failing fast, an unshaken confidence in God. 
Addressing me she said, '* You have the pre- 
sence of the Lord every day, have you not ?" 
I replied, " In some measure, though every 
day has its cares and trials ; so that my enjoy- 
ments are not equally great at all times." " 0,** 
said she, ^^ what a crown is laid up for you ! 
But, alas, my days have been mostly spent in 
vanity and sin." I told her I believed a crown 
of glory awaited her, and that it would ere 
long be placed upon her head by God's immor- 
tal hand. " O yes," said she, ** but it will be 
a smciU one ; and yet it will be large enough, 
for the least will be infinitely beyond my de- 
servings !" 

I went again to see her in the evening, and 
after prayer she fell asleep and rested some 
time. When she awoke she conversed freely. 
I embraced this opportunity to ask her, not for 
my own satisfaction, but the satisfaction of 
others, whether she believed the Universalist 
doctrine to be true. She replied with much em- 
phasis, " I do not : my father has desired to kxvo^ 
whether it'would make any d\ffeie\ice ^SjCft.'Ks^ 
dead body whoevet might pxeacVi «iX tsv^ ^vixw^^*^. 



I told him I did not think it would ; hut that, 
though I did not wish to injure his feelings, I did 
not choose to have the public think I had died 
a believer in the Universalist creed." ^Ac- 
cordingly she desired that the Rev. Mr. Dens- 
more, whom she had frequently heard to her 
spiritual profit, previously to her sickness, 
might preach on occasion pf her death. On 
the succeeding sabbath my parents were sent 
for. They found her failing fast, but her soul 
was happy in God. When my father prayed 
with her, she appeared transported with holy 
jpy, and shouted and praised Godj to the aston- 
ishment of all present. Notwithstanding her 
great weakness, she raised her voice, and sung 
most sweetly. In the evening of the same 
day I called to see her. Going to her bed and 
finding her eyes closed, I said, " Minerva, I 
have come to see you once moire.'* Sh^ opened 
her eyes and grasped my hand, and not only 
manifested great pleasure in seeing me, but 
especially rejoiced in the conscious smiles of 
Heaven. Still she was not beyond the reach 
of temptation. It was suggested to her by the 
arch foe, that her patience would not hold out, 
and that her dying agonies would be intolera- 
ble. On being assured, however, that God had 
promised to bestow grace according to her day, 
and that he who had supported her thus far 
would never leave nor forsake her, not even 
when she passed through the dark valley of the 
shadow of death, she took new courage, and 
said, ** J shall trxtst in him. O, ^^«vx%, %\n^ imv 


patience to suffer a/Z thy will, and then take me 
to thyself." Her sufferings were great, yet she 
"endured as seeing Him who is invisible." 
Just before she expired, being quite speech- 
less, she looked up at us with a heavenly smile 
on her countenance, as if to bid us adieu, and 
then gently sunk into the arms of death. The 
scene was truly edif)ring, and every way honour- 
able to our holy religion. Never, indeed, did 
the boasted genius of philosophy conduct any 
one of her blinded votaries with a thousandth 
part of the same ease and tranquillity over the 
turbid waters of Jordan. " Let me die the 
death of the righteous, and let my last end be 
like" hers ! 



October 15, 1820. I have great cause to 
bless God for his patience with me, an unpro- 
fitable servant. My life is daily crowned with 
his blessings, while I find favour with my 
patrons and the dear children committed to my 
care. Still I deeply feel the want of more re- 
ligion ; a greater conformity to the will of my 
Lord and Master. O that my hungry and 
thirsty soul may be filled -with n^YvV^owsvv^^'^^ 
I have the promise : Lord, 1 cVavnv *\V ^^ "o*^ 
otyn/ Thou canst, thou wilt fvW m^ ^'^^ ^^ 


thy own blessed fulness. Though of late I 
have passed through many temptations and 
sorrows, yet there has been no day in which I 
have dared to say, ^* I am destitute of the com- 
forts of religion ;" nor would I give up my con- 
fidence in God, ^nd my hope of heaven, for all 
the transitory objects to be found in this vain 
and inconstant world. No : ' 

"Tor one blest hour at God*s right hand, 
Pd give them all away." 

After having taught about two years in this 
place, I dismissed my little charge. Little, did 
I say ? Ah ! it is by no means a small thing to 
be intrusted with the education of the rising 
generation. The souls of these little immortals 
are infinitely precious. They cost the blood of 
the Son of God ! And yet how little do I real- 
ize their intrinsic value ! O God, waken my 
drowsy powers, forgive my past stupidity, and 
help me for the time to come to cherish some- 
thing like a just conviction of the true value of 
man's immortality ! Let none of these little 
ones stumble over my imperfections into an 
awful eternity; but rather let them rise with 
me to an " inheritance incorruptible, undefiled, 
and that fadeth not away." *I have had the 
pleasure of opening to them the treasures of 
science, of seeing some of them materially im- 
proved in their manners, and a few of them 
hopefully converted to God. 

Our parting was painfully pleasing : painful, 
to think it was not likely we sliould all meet 
^tSraiiJ^ till the judgment oC lYie ^^^v ^^'^^ %»^ 


that so few, apparently, had been profited by 
my efforts to impart a knowledge of divine 
things : pleasing, to reflect that I had faithfully 
endeavoured to do my duty to them, and that 
possibly many of them might, at a future day, 
remember and turn to the Lord. Blessed be 
God, it was not long after this before I had the 
satisfaction of knowing that several of them 
professed faith in Christ. O that we may so 
live as to be prepared for an eternal union in 
the kingdom of God ! 

In accordance with the advice of my friends, 
I spent the following winter in perfecting my 
knowledge of certain branches of study, to 
which I had previously paid but little attention. 
A portion of the time was passed in the family 
of the Rev. G. W. Densmore,* the stationed 

* The Rev. George W. Densmore, long a laborious 
and useful member of the travelling connection. His 
public and private character was distinguished by many 
and rare excellences. At the affe of twenty-one ho was 
received on trial in the Now- York Annual Conference, 
and continued an effective member of the itinerancy until 
the fall of 1836, when he removed to the state of Illinois. 
Most of the circuits and stations in middle, and many in 
western New York, have enjoyed his public labours, and 
will long cherish a pleasing and grateful recollection of 
him. Hundreds, if not thousands, have been led by him 
to the foot of the cross ; many of whom have already been 

Sithered with him to the inheritance of the saints in light. 
e took a leading part in the erection of places of wor- 
ship, as well as in promoting the benevolent institutions of 
the church in general. Good man ! he now rests from his 
labotuTB, and his works do follow him. H^ d\a^ ^^s» ^^'^- 
dence in Sugar Grove, Cane co\mly ,\\Vffvo\a, owXJckfc Vi^^ 
JMuaiy, 1841, in the fifty-thiid yew ot\\\a«^^<i»— ^^* 


minister at Sauquoit. This was by no means 
a lost opportunity^ as it enabled me to become 
intimately acquainted with his excellent wife, 
then in a very feeble state of health. When 
alone, we frequently conversed on death and 
immortality, and though I was sometimes de- 
tained from my studies by these interviews, I 
never regretted the time thus spent. We ex- 
perienced many refreshing seasons from the 
presence of the Lord, while our truly kindred 
spirits united in claiming the promises of the 
gospel. She now rests from her labours, and 
her works, I doubt not, will follow her. 

I had invested what little of my earnings I 
could spare in the stock of the Farmers' Cot- 
ton and Woollen Factory, thinking it might be 
an advantage to me at a future day ; but to my 
great astonishment I was informed by a friend, 
that the company was insolvent in the sum of 
more than eight thousand dollars, and that there 
was no prospect of its paying any portion of 
it ! At first it seemed hard for me to lose be- 
tween one and two hundred dollars, and the 
different members of our family nearly a thou- 
sand ; but, after a little reflection, I was ena- 
bled to look on " the bright side of things," and 
on the whole, thought myself much better off 
than some of my acquaintance. I enjoyed 
good health, which I considered a blessing 
from God ; and, without shedding a tear or 
allowing a murmuring thought, I engaged in 
teaching school at our little chapel in the vil- 
y^S'e, thinking I could easily axxp^xl xa^-^C 


without getting in debt to any one. The Lord 
prospered me in ray undertaking, and I believe 
converted one of ray little scholars. He be- 
came very attentive to his studies, was delight- 
ed in resuiing the Bible, attended with great 
apparent interest to the means of grace, and 
thus gave evidence of his having been bom of 
the Spirit, 

During the winter of 1821 I was engaged in 
teaching about three miles from my father's, in 
district No. 9. In persevering in my estab« 
Ushed practice of opening and closing school 
with prayer, I passed through trials known only 
to the Searcher of hearts. But amidst all my 
trialsj it was my constant purpose to maintain a 
conscience void of offence toward Grod and to- 
ward man. Nor was I left without the com- 
forting influences of the Holy Spirit. God was 
near to keep my head above the surging waters. 
Some of his dear people, too, sympathized with 
nie, and made my afflictions their own. May 
I never forget their friendly attentions, and 
may the God of love return their acts of 
kindness in seven-fold blessing into their own 
bosoms ! 

In February my grand-mother Foot came to 
my father's on a visit, and soon after her arrival 
was attacked with the pleurisy, which in a few 
days terminated in death. I was sent for, and 
arrived about two hours before she expired. In 
answer to my inquiry, she said she was happy 
in God and ready to go. A.8 i\[i© ^«» Q*^ "»• ^>2«sA. 
make, always manifesting iu i^ve V\me ^l «v^- 


jiess a tremulous anxiety, I was afraid her 
faith would fail her. But my fears wero 
groundless. Almighty grace had gotten the 
victory. Notwithstanding her natural timidity, 
her faith .was more than a match for the last 
enemy. She was a member of the Presbyte- 
rian communion : so I see that tme religion is 
the same wherever it may be found. 

The following summer I taught in our chapel, 
which, on account of my declining health, was 
the last effort of the kind I was permitted to 
make. For most of the time, during ten sum- 
mers and two winters, I have been employed in 
teaching the lower branches of an En<glish edu- 
cation ; an employment which, if properly at- 
tended to by the pious, can hardly fail to con- 
tribute much toward evangelizing the world. 
May the Lord everywhere raise up teachers of 
the right stamp ! A word of pious instruction 
may accompany the ordinary lesson, and, un- 
der the blessing of God, lead the pupil to the 
knowledge of the truth in after life. An instance 
occurred to me. Not long since, when con- 
fined to my room by sickness, a young lady 
came to visit me, who, in early life, had been 
under my instruction. I inquired of her whether 
she had ever embraced religion. With great 
emotion she replied, ^ I have ; and have often 
thought of what you told me in the days of my 
childhood, particularly, that the ways of reli- 

fion are ways of pleasantness and peace : I 
ave found them even so." This is but one 
instance among many that \ Tsa^X \i\«\\\.\»Ti\ 


and if I conld extend my voice so as to be heard 
by every teacher in the land professing godli- 
ness, I would say, " In the morning sow thy 
seed, and in the evening withhold not thine 
hand ; for thou knowest not whether shall pros- 
per, either this or that, or whether they both 
. shall be alike good." 

Partly on . account of my health, I went in 
September to visit my friends in the. Black Ri- 
ver country. On my way there I heard of a 
camp meeting, and, though a little out of my 
way^ I turned aside to enjoy it. I reached the 
ground. on Saturday, just at evening, and was 
so fortunate as to meet with Rev. Brother So- 
don, who kindly introduced me to Esquire 
Clap's tent, where I was most hospitably and 
agreeably entertained till the close of the 
meeting. Several sinners were converted, 
while believers were established and built up 
in the faith of Christ. On Monday morning we 
had a very interesting and profitable love-feast. 
The preachers requested all who had ever ex- 
perienced the blessing of sanctification to give 
in their testimony ; and, blessed be God, there 
were not a few, who, with great clearness and 
warmth, bore witness to the cleansing virtues 
of the blood of atonement. Though I was per- 
sonally acquainted with very few there, except 
some of the preachers, yet I felt so closely 
allied to them, that I felt constrained to give 
them " a reason of the hope that was in me^ 
with meekness and fear." ll vr^a '\\A^^^ '^ 
lime Jong to be remembered. 



After a very pleasant visit with my friends at 
the north, I returned with a grateful heart to 
the place of my residence ; having had " by the 
will of God a prosperous journey.'.' 

In February I visited ray friends in Camden. 
The weather was intensely cold,'and I suffered 
very considerably. Soon after my return I 
was taken ill, and for six weeks was unable to 
attend public wcnrship. But though I did not 
enjoy my nfind as well as I had before, yet I 
was not conscious of having wilfully departed 
from the path of holy obedience. After this I 
was much afflicted with a nervous complaint, 
during which I was assaulted most violently by 
"the accuser of -the brethren." He indeed 
would often " accuse" when conscience did not 
condemn. For some time I measurably stood 
my ground ; but looking at my imperfections, 
my trials, my conflicts,' instead of looking di- 
rectly to the " Rock of my strength," I gave 
way to unprofitable reasonings, and did not 
boldly and confidently, as in days past, declare 
that I loved God with all my heart, but would 
simply say, I desired so to love him, and the 
like. And yet it seemed so inconsistent to say 
1 desired a thing when I was quite confident I 
already had it, that at times I was on the point 
of giving up the blessing of perfect love. Again 
it was suggested that there were far better 
Christians that said but little about it, and 
** what need then of your continually harping 
en a doctrine in which many good people do 
/ even believe ? U may \>e «. ^cty^\\sx^ da^ 


trine, of which yow own experience gives you 
the most satisfactory, proof, yet what necessity 
is there of your making it so prominent ? Bet- 
ter be silent with respect to it." Thus I yielded ; 
and instead, of ' growing ^stronger in faith, I 
became Weaker. I veriiv believe there is 
no other disease incident to the human system 
that is so well calculated to induce false 
reasonings as nervous affections ; nor is there 
any other of which Satan takes so great 
advantage in harassing ^nd perplexing the 
mind. I did not, however, neglect any of the 
means of grace when my health would permit 
me to attend them, nor did I lose my relish for 
secret prayer ; though' at times my supplica- 
tions seemed almost powerless. Though I was 
often tempted to think I should live and die in 
this state, yet I do not recollect that the thoughts 
of death were at any time a terror to me ; for I 
firmly believed if I were faithful unto death I 
should receive a crown of life. 

In the spring of 1822 I was called upon to 
teach the district school in our village ; but ill 
health would not permit a compliance. Such 
was ray condition that I was forced to abandon 
this delightful employment, and accept of a 
retreat from the cares of the world under the 
paternal roof. Here I had many comforts and 
privileges of which multitudes, in the time of 
sickness, are wholly deprived. Still I felt I 
needed a greater conformity to the will of my 
heavenly Father ; and for thlsl Bow^XV^vft^j^^"^ 
in secret by day and by nigbt, xxtiVaV 


'* The opening heavens aronndme shone 
With beams of sacred bliss,** 

SO that my cup of joy ran ever. And yet 
presumed not to say, that I loved God with a 
my heart ! Had i done this, T believe I shoul 
have soon regained my confidence, and bee 
preserved from a thousand temptations. 




It was now nearly thirteen years since I (in 
professed to be a disciple of the Saviour, all c 
which time I had to go alone so far as youn 
people were concerned. Not even a brother < 
sister was disposed to accompany me. I ofte 
mourned on this account, and was sometime 
led to fear I had been a hinderance to then 
When, however, I reviewed my past life, I ws 
not conscious that I knowingly threw any ol 
stacle in their way. I had often warned thei 
to flee from the wrath to come, affectionatel 
invited them to accept of offered mercy, an 
frequently on their behalf poured out stron 
cries and tears to Him that is able to save. 

Some time in the autumn, my eldest brothe 

who had for several years been in a declin 

was taken more violently ill, and serious aj 

prehensions were entertained that he might n( 

recover. He however tegaiue^ ^v\^ \«y^^^ 


a4 to ride but ; but O, the anxiety I felt on his 
account! In prayer meeting, at brother C.'s, I 
had an uncommon spirit of prayer for him ; and 
while I viewed the justice of God in his con- 
demnation, I earnestly entreated the Father for 
the sake of the Son to have compassion on 
him and pardon his sins, if it were not till his 
expiring moments — as in the case of the peni- 
tent thief on the cross. .My soul was won- 
derfully blest, and I had some faith that God 
would yet hear prayer on his account. 

Om* society, though small, (seventeen in 
number,) had long been united in the tender 
bonds of Christian friendship, and were now 
harmoniously engaged in prayer for the revival 
of God's work. Some of the Presbyterians 
wished to join us once a week in a union prayer 
meeting. To this we agreed, and met one 
week at brother C.'s, and the next at Dr. Judd's. 
These meetings proved a great blessing; the 
Lord poured out his Spirit ; and there was a 
prospect of an abundant harvest of souls. Mr. 
burchard, a Presbyterian minister, while he 
remained in the place, was greatly blessed in 
his efforts to promote this good work; for he 
preached a free salvation, and strongly enforced 

Practical piety. But it was reported that the 
[ev. Dr. Weeks, who was sick when he came, 
sent him away. If so, will not the blood of 
souls be required at his hands ? For as it had 
been the doctor's practice to preach the doctrine 
of predestination, so he cotiUviXX^^ N» \sl^\>x 
brtb, which was like ihioVvu^N^^x^'t m^^w^^^ 


The Spirit was quenched, souls were hardened, 
and many of them remain impenitent imto this 
day. But the Lord was gracious to bur little 
society, and many were added to the number, 
who continue faithful to the duties of their holy 
calling. Of this number, blessed be God, 
were all three of my sisters ! Though this was 
matter of great joy, yet the impenitence of my 
three brothers not only abated it, but occa- 
sioned almost heart-breaking sorrow. And 
what greatly augmented my grief was, my eld- 
est brother, who had for some time been jn 
feeble health, was now confined to Ms, room 
and mostly to his bed. 

Soon after his confinement to his room, I 
entered his apartment, with the deliberate de- 
sign of conversing with hrm respecting hi» pre"- 
paration for death. After I had made some 
inquiry concerning his health, and he had told 
me he thought he should recover, I felt it my 
duty to tell him that the general impression was 
otherwise, and exhorted him to seek religion, 
that he might be prepared for life or death. 
This literally enraged him. He said he want- 
ed to hear none of my stuff; he had been as 
sick before, and saw no reason why he was 
not as likely to recover now as then. I told 
him I had a duty to do, and was resolved to do 
it ; so that the blood of his soul should not be 
found on my skirts ; and also that he should not 
have it to say, at the day of judgment, that I 
had not faithfully discharged my duty to him. 
At this he flew into a violewt; \ii^^^\oTi, ^ 


raising himself up in his bed, called upon my 
sister to hand him the little chair, with which 
he doubtless intended to drive me from his 
room f But not succeeding in this, he sternly 
commanded me to go out of his presence. I 
now thought it wsls in vain to say any thing 
more to him^ and for a short time nearly gave 
up all hope of his salvation. I went into the 
kitchen and took lip some work ; but my dis- 
tress and anxiety were so great that I could not 
do it. I then retired to my chamber, where 
1 could, give vent to my feelings, and there 
poured out my soul in prayer to that God who 
is able to save. 

In the afternoon aunt W., who had just re- 
turned from New-Haven, came to see us ; and 
thought some thought she was crazy, I believed 
her to be happy in God. Her mind was much ex- 
ercised on seeing my brother. She had said but 
a^ few words to him before her strength began 
to fail ; when she requested my sister to help 
her into the kitchen. She sat down, clasped 
her hands, and prayed God to have mercy on 
him. Soon after she said she must go into the 
other room. She accordingly went and knelt 
down by the door that opened near where 
my brother lay, and prayed most fervently for 
his salvation. On hearing her, he desired 
that something might be carried into the room 
and thrown around her, so that she might not 
take cold ; but did not ask to have her removed, 
or to stop praying. She said aive \)ao\x^v^^^^ 
she first irent into the tooto, x\i»^ ^^ ^^^^^ 


never leave it tintil John was converted ; but, 
after wrestling some time, she said God would 
do his own work — he was able and willing to 
save, and she had no doubt my brother would 
find mercy. I never saw him angry after this. 
Indeed, he became quite tender and afTeetionate, 
apparently losing all- hostility toward me, and 
even delighting in my company. This en* 
couraged me to become more ardent and per- 
severing in my intercessions at the throne of 
grace in his behalf. I used to select appro- 
priate chapters from the Bible, and from books 
on Christian experience, for my sisters to read 
to him while the rest of the family were absent 
at meeting ; and they often accompanied their 
reading with such explanations and exhortations 
as they judged suitable to his state. Still his 
heart did not yield. Our parents also used 
their best endeavours, but apparently with little 
success. For myself, I said very little to him 
directly till the 19th of March, when my. sister 
awoke me and said she thought he was dying. 
I arose, hastened to his room, and found that 
his extremities were cold. I asked him how 
he felt, and whether he thought he was dying. 
He said he did not know. My anxiety for him 
was inexpressible, and I felt that I could not 
let him go till I had evidence that his peace 
was made with God. He revived a little ; and 
when my father read for morning devotion, I 
watched him to see if he took any notice of 
what was read. He turned his face as if to 
. bear, but told my sistei ȣxeTNqvc^^ ^^cox V% 


could -not distinguish a single word. His Hear- 
ing, however, returned with the warmth of his 

In the afternoon I felt much impressed to say 
something further to him, but knew not what to 
say, or where to begin. I observed hd would 
look very ^yishfuUy at me, and then turn away 
his eyes, but presently fix them on me again. 
My heart was full. I resolved to say some- 
thing. With all the tenderness I could com- 
mand I began, " John, db you ever pray ? Our 
Saviour hears prayer, and he is just such a 
friend as you want in this time of affliction. 
He has been good in sparing you so long, and 
in granting you time for repentance." He 
replied, " Why did'nt I ^o this morning V' I 
told him he had been like the barren fig-tree to 
which the Saviour came seeking fruit, and 
found none ; but I believed God, was still waiting 
to be gracious, and giving him a still further 
opp'^rtunity of complying with the terms of the 
gospel. He said,." How do you do?" mean- 
ing, as I understood him, what method do you 
take to get religion ? I replied, " You know 
you have been a sinner all your days : you have 
sinned against light and knowledge ; and God 
might, in justice, have cut you off this morning ; 
but still he spares you^ Now can't you, don't 
you feel sorry that you have thus lived and 
sinned against God, the best of beings ? He 
requires you to * confess and forsake your siua^' 
and promises, if your repentaxice \i^ %«Kva»fe^ 
that be will 'show meTcy? "Remcwi^i^^ ^^ 




expiring thief on the cross ; the Lord had com- 
passion on him even in his last moments. ' Ask, 
and ye shall receive ; seek, and ye shall find ; 
knock, and it shall be opened unto you.'" He 
said, ** I did'nl know it was so easy V* Then 
turning to sister E., said, "How is it?" She 
replied, " It is just so." Still, however, we 
could get no promise from him that he would in 
earnest set about the great work ; though he 
afterward told sister E. he did pray. This was 
on Wednesday. On Friday he made his will, 
and settled all his temporal concerns with as 
much composure as if he had been in perfect 
health. That evening the Rev. Charles Giles 
conversed closely with him, though I think he 
obtained no very satisfactory evidence that he 
•was a child of God. On Sat^irday I perceived 
he was fast failing, and resolved, as soon as I 
had finished a little piece of work then in hand, 
to go in and converse with him again. But 
just before I was ready to enter his room, sis- 
ter E. threw open the door, and said he was 
dying. I ran in and entreated him to look to 
the Lord. Being speechless, ray mother asked 
him to squeeze her hand as a sign if he had 
given himself to the Saviour. But his strength 
was gone. I again earnestly entreated him to 
look to the Saviour of sinners, telling him that 
Christ was as willing to save him as he was the 
expiring thief. He soon raised his longing 
eyes toward heaven, and every breath seemed, 
/rom the motion of his lips, to be prayer. My 
father being absent, and no i^ci^ona \tt^%«i!>x 


but my mother and sister, I continued to exhort 
him to " believe on the Lord Jesus Christ." 
Our united prayer was, " Lord, have mercy up- 
on him and save his soul. We Cannot bear the 
thought of his dwelling in everlasting burnings. 
O, that we may have some sign that his sins 
are forgiven, if it be- only a smile." " Yes," 
said I, 'Mf he can but die with a smile on his 
countenance I shall be satisfied." Soon after 
this he cast his eyes downward with a smile, 
and then bade the world adieu, on the 22d of 
March, 1823, in the thirty-fourth year of his age. 
Had I followed my feelings when he smiled, 
I should have exclaimed, " He is happy ! he is 
happy!" for I was then relieved of as great a 
burden as I was when my own sins were for- 
given ; though the burden was of a different 
kind. Death-bed repentance is, I know, in 
general, entitled, to little credit ; but there was 
something in this case peculiar, and something 
that afforded the greatest satisfaction to the 
whole family. Still, however, the difficulty with 
which my brother was brought to any thing 
like a just sense of his lost condition, should 
operate as a warning to the impenitent not to 
put off the concerns of the soul till they are 
on a bed of languishing. Mr. Giles preached 
on occasion of my brother's death to a large and 
attentive congregation, from 1 Pet. iv, 7, " But 
the end of all things is at hand ; be ye there- 
fore sober, and watch unto prayer." In s^eakitv^ 
of the resurrection, he was (avoxxie^'^V^ ^«^ 
liberty, aad it was truly a Teficea\iVR% ^^^"^^^^ 


In August of this year I visited the springs 
in Sullivan, Madison county, and boarded with 
uncle W., a Universalist. His residence was 
about two miles up. the Chittenango Creek. 
The scenery was not only romantic, but admi- 
rably adapted to inspire one with lofty thoughts 
of the Deity. But I was not without my trials, 
being separated from friends and Christian so- 
ciety, save only a dear cousin living at a little 
distance, whose heart had been divinely touch- 
ed. Although young in experience, she was 
indeed a comfort to me. No meetings were 
held within about two miles. The first sab- 
bath I received an invitation to go to church ; 
and went without asking where, supposing, of 
course, it was at the village. But when we 
reached the village, we passed through it and 
came to a school-house, where we found the 
people repairing to some large oaks, with a 
view to shelter themselves under their spread- 
ing branches from the burning rays of a sum- 
mer's sun. We took our chairs and were com- 
fortably seated, when, to my surprise and great 
satisfaction, the Rev. William Case arose to 
address the audience. In the afternoon he 
preached at Canasaraga village, " in demonstra- 
tion of the Spirit and with power." While he 
rehearsed the goodness of God, and brought past 
occurrences to remembrance, the hearts of the 
people melted like wax before the fire. This 
was a memorable season, and I felt my spiritual 
strength greatly renewed. 

On Saturday evening co\»va 'EYoai \n«raj|^ 


home a novel, and laid it upon the table. I 
took it up, and after ascertaining its character, 
asked her if she read such books ? She replied, 
" Not very often" — she had borrowed it for 
another person to read. The next morning 
she took the book, and, accompanied by several 
others, went into the orchard, where, after seat- 
ing herself under the shade of an apple tree, 
(the very spot to which I frequently retired for 
meditation and prayer,) she read to them. I 
went so near that I heard what they were read- 
ing, and then silently retired to another part of 
the orchard; presuming, however, that they 
saw me pass. My sensations were not only 
tender, but painful, when I reflected that so 
many of the youth had assembled to spend the 
holy sabbath, in such a manner, and that I had 
passed so near without saying any thing to 
them. I endeavoured to ask counsel of the 
Lord, and feeling impressed to return, I went 
tremblingly. On approaching them, I said, 
" Girls, what are you reading — a novel ?" 
Cousin E. replied, " We are not reading the 
whole — only the account of Miss Blank's sick- 
ness and death. It is very good — she died of 
the consumption : don't you wish to hear it ?" 
I responded, " Do you believe it is true ?" She 
said she did not know that it was. I then said, 
with tears in my eyes, " Girls, if you will seri- 
ously reflect on death, judgment, and eternity, 
you will have enough to occupy your minds ^ 
especially on the sabbath, "wVxWxX. t^^^vsv^^ 
novels." The result was they soon ^%vKssa«^ 


tbeir book and borrowed a Bible, in which one 
after another read till two or three o'clock, P. 
M. Happy, no doubt, would it have been for 
them, had they followed the light of ihat pre- 
cious volume. Soon after I went to the house, 
several young men from that and the adjoining 
neighbourhood came in and conversed on vari- 
ous subjects of a worldly nature, one of them 
profanely swearing almost at every sentence ! 

I had gone up stairs to lie down, as I could 
find no book to read in except such as treated 
on Universalism, or some other subject equally 
unprofitable to me, there being but one Bible 
in the house, and in that my uncle was then 
reading. Never before did I fully realize the 
value of sabbath and sanctuary privileges. I 
wept and rejoiced that I had early sought ^and 
found the favour of God, and thereby escaped a 
thousand snares incident to youth. At the 
same time I anticipated with high satisfaction 
the period when I should return to the society 
of my dear brethren and friends, and join with 
them in prayer and songs of praise to our 
adorable Redeemer. I now felt it my solemn 
duty to converse with my uncle about keeping 
the sabbath, and reproving persons for swear- 
ing profanely. When I did so, he said, they 
did not trouble him, for he had been reading 
the blessed book (the Bible) all the time. I 
replied, " If you believe what it contains, I 
should think it would trouble you, and that you 
would allow it no more." He answered, " Am 
/ my neigbboufa keeper V 1 te^^tA^^,^^ IVkft 


Bible says, * Thou shalt in any wise reprove 
thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.' " 
He then passionately interrogated me, "Are 
you perfect?" I was now led into a strait, 
either to deny the doctrine of Christian perfec- 
tion, or to defend it : conscience forbade the 
former, and I rather timidly engaged in the 
latter. Light at once broke into my mind, and 
when I quoted the words of the Saviour, " Be 
ye therefore perfect," &c., he seemed confound- 
ed, shut his Bible, and said no more about per- 

I do not remember to have conversed on this 
subject, either in public or private, without re- 
ceiving a blessing ; and yet, to my shame be 
it recorded, I have received many chastise- 
ments and lost many precious gifts by with- 
holding my testimony. At the close of the 
day I retired to give thanks to almighty God 
for his blessings; and I earnestly requested 
that I might not see another sabbath similarly 
spent while I stayed*. My petition was grant- 
ed, for the next sabbath was a very rainy one. 

My health being considerably improved, I 
wrote a letter home, and my father came for 
me. The night before I left, when I retired, I 
knelt at my bed-side as usual. Cousin Eliza, 
who slept with me, called me by name several 
times. I paid no attention to her, supposing 
she had not noticed what posture I was in, un- 
til she came and knelt by me, and with tears 
said, " Do pray for me, and pxa"^ ^o \!a»X\ ^"^a. 
hear you." I did so, and il w«is ^ \©,Ix^^S«kim^ 


season to my soul. We had much conversa- 
tion, but I rejoiced with trembling ; fearing lest 
through the temptations of the enemy, as she 
had no one to encourage her, she would become 
weary and faint in her mind, and thus give up 
the pursuit of piety. Such, indeed, I afterward 
learned was the case. Early the next morning 
I left my uncle's. Many of the family were 
bathed in tears. I reached home just at sunset. 
My friends were preparing to go to camp meet- 
ing, in Westmoreland, near the spot where I 
was converted. I went with them, having 
peculiar sensations of j<^ and gratitude. This 
was an encouraging season, though I did not 
enjoy that depth of communion with God which 
I desired. Several were awakened and con- 
verted at this meeting. 

After this I attended our quarterly meeting, 
which was held in Augusta. In the love-feast 
my mind was deeply impressed that, if I 
would ask the brethren to make a covenant to 
pray twice a day for sinners in our place, we 
should have a revival. One had just experi- 
enced religion, and our society was unusually 
engaged. The preachers on the circuit, Jones 
and Baker, were '* zealously affected in the 
good cause" of Christ, so that we had much to 
encourage us. But the cross of formally sub- 
mitting this proposition appeared very great, 
and I reasoned in my own mind on the propriety 
of doing it, until I thought, sujrely it cannot belong 
to me. I wished some one would make the 
proposition, but while 1 sat Uem\A\\x%\x\A«v xJsxa 


cross, it occurred to me that very possibly no 
other person in the house had the like impres- 
sion ; and^the love I felt' for the cause, with a 
sense of the worth of souls, prompted me to 
arise, and, in the strength of God, do what I 
thought to be my duty. Almost every person 
in the assembly joined in the covenant, and I 
have no doubt it was ratified in heaven. The 
work commenced that very evening at our 
prayer meeting, and five were awakened and 
converted. The revival continued until about 
thirty professed a gracious change, several of 
whom joined our society ; and though we have 
had to mourn over the backslidings of scHne, 
others caused us much joy by doing honour to 
their profession. 



In the spring of 1824 my health was very 
poor, and though I could do but little, I rejoiced 
that my condition was no worse ; that I could 
attend the means of grace ; and that I had bet- 
ter opportunity for reading and mental improve- 

Aug. 28. A camp meeting was held about a 
mile from our village. I was able to go out of 
the tent but little, except to hear preaching, but 
the presence of God was maxv\^e%\.^^ ^^» '^^ 
prayer meetings held at our lewX, e^^eci\^»?j 


ill my own soul ; so that, at times, I was over- 
whelmed with the divine glory, and felt renew- 
ed in perfect love. Surely God was in the 
congregation of his saints ! There were but few 
conversions, and we were considerably disturb-' 
ed by the wicked, especially on the sabbath ; 
and yet I think I can truly say, I was never at 
a better camp meeting, so far at least as my 
own soul was concerned. The work of grace 
appeared to be deepened in the hearts of pro- 
fessors generally ; and we were all encouraged 
to prosecute the heavenly journey. 

While at this meeting a worthy correspond- 
ent, whom I had never before seen, came from 
Lake Erie to see us. She remained till the 
conclusion of the meeting, iand then, with her 
companion, made us an agreeable visit at our 
own house. O, how sweet and tender are the 
ties of Christian friendship ! 

Nov. 20. I was severely afflicted with lame- 
ness, yet could walk a little ; and felt to give 
glory to God that I was not confined to a bed 
of languishing, nor deprived of the use of my 
reason. Yes, I blessed God even in the midst 
of excruciating pain. I sometimes thought 
it would not be long before I should be called 
to pass over the Jordan of death. But my heart 
was fixed, trusting in the living God. I could 
not fear that which would terminate in my 
greatest advantage, and serve to enhance my 
eternal felicity. 

Jan. 1, 1825. I have just heard of the death 
of cousin RbodsL Root, sisVei U) MiTi^n^^^ oC 


whose death I have before spoken, and wife to 
the same husband. She experienced religion 
in 1816, and became a member of the church. 
Some time after this she went to live with her 
sister in Hamilton, and there got into a cold, 
backslidden state. The fall before her death, 
when her health was in a decline, she visited 
us, and manifested such perfect resignation to 
the divine will, that we had no doubt but God 
had restored unto her the joys of his salvation. 
During her last sickness she suffered much, 
not being able to lie down in bed for twelve or 
fourteen days and nights. But her soul was so 
transported with the joys of heavenl/ love, that 
it was not unusual for her to break out, even in 
the midst of her paroxysms of distress, in sing- 
ing and shouting the praises of her almighty 
Redeemer. Her last words were, " Glory to 
God in the highest, peace on earth and good 
will to men." 

In the evening brother G. preached a funeral 
sermon for her, but did not have that liberty in 
speaking I could have wished ; and, in conse- 
quence of fatigue and a severe pain in my head, 
every thing appeared to wear a gloomy and 
melancholy aspect; so that I returned home 
much depressed in spirits. The enemy now 
took advantage of my weakness, telling me, I 
should soon have to follow my departed cousin, 
and that in all probability my sufferings would 
be even greater than hers. I retired, but slept 
very little ; and the next day toy wevNOW'^ «^^* 
tern was sadly excited. 1 o^V^tL \«J^x^^ ^^^ 


secret prayer, but found no relief. Still, strange 
as it may appear, my faith was not in the least 
shaken ; nor had I any feat of death ; but was 
anxious solely on account of sufferings which 
I might pass through previously to my dissolu- 
tion ! I would then think how mercifully the 
Lord supported cousin Rhoda, and concluded 
he would do the same for me if I did but tnist 
in him. The tempter next suggested that if t 
died, my body would be surreptitiously talken 
up for dissection, an idea inexpressibly revolt- 
ing to my feelings. Thus I continued, tortured 
and harassed by an insidious foe, for several 
days, during which time my flesh wasted, my 
strength failed, and I was quite sure I cOuld 
not long live in that condition. One evening, 
as I retired, I earnestly besought the Lord to 
deliver my soul ; and though I obtained no 
satisfactory answer, I was fully resolved to cast 
my burden upon God's almighty arm. In this 
frame I laid me down, soon fell asleep, and 
rested quietly during the night. In the morn- 
ing I awoke much refreshed, with these words 
running through my mind : 

" I shall suffer and fulfil 

All my Father's gracious will ; 
Be alike in all resign'd^-r- 
Jesus* is a patient mind.*' 

I said, " This is all I want : if I can but be 
fully resigned, 'tis enough." My soul was im- 
mediately filled with divine consolation ; and if 
at any time thereafter I was tempted "to think 
about my prospective suffetui^s, \ 'SioxiXdi vni- 


mediately reflect that I shpuld have no more to 
pass through than my heavenly Father saw 
would be for the best. Hence I could say, 
" Not my will, but thine be done." And the 
temptation respecting the possible disposition 
to be made of my body I met by saying, " I have 
nothing to do with that : I know in whom I 
have believed, and am persuaded he is able to 
keep that which I have committed unto him 
against that day" — the day of glorious resur- 
rection. Thus, in the strength of God, I van- 
quished the tempter. 

Feb. 6th, I was much out of health, yet able 
to. attend the worship of God. Brother C. 
Northrop, one of our circuit preachers, deliver- 
ed a discourse on these words : " We know 
that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were 
dissolved, we have a building of God, a house 
not made with hands, eternal in the heavens ;" 
and it appeared to me that he not only knew 
my exercises, but intended to preach applica- 
bly to my case. It was a solemn and profitable 
time to me and tnany others. I have not heard 
a sermon since, and probably never shall hear 
another, but the remembrance of that one is 
still sweet. In the class meeting that followed 
the sermon, God manifested himself still more 
gloriously in our midst. My hope was full of 
immortality, and my soul sunk away into the 
embraces of its God. 

Thursday 10th, I went ,to prayer meeting, 
and my brethren as well as my ^c^i i^-aiiviA^ "^^ 
quickening influences of lYie iixVftfc ^^vc\X>^s«^ 


covenanted anew to be more faithful. I felt 
that trials awaited me, and particulariy desired 
an interest in the prayers of God's people. 
That my request was complied with I am not 
permitted to doubt, for I have felt myself 
remarkably supported. 

Saturday 12th, not being able to attend quar- 
terly meetings I went and stayed with sister 
Cook, living near by. As neither of us could 
do much except converse respecting the bless- 
ings of God to us, we "rejoiced in hope," reali- 
zing that while our outward strength was gradu- 
ally failing, " the inner man" was constantly 
accumulating spiritual vigour. In the evening 
we joined in thanksgiving to God for his bene- 
fits received, and our souls were made to 
rejoice with "joy unspeakable." 

Sunday 13th. Still with sister C., whose 
health is yet more feeble. ^The day seemed 
rather long and gloomy. In the evening bro- 
ther Isaac Stone preached, but my health was 
80 poor that I thought it not best to go out. 
Still, that Being who is omniscient as well as 
omnipresent regarded us in our afflictions, 
came to our relief, and permitted us to enjoy 
one of the most agreeable and interesting sea- 
sons I have ever experienced. To his name 
be all the glory ! 

Monday 14Ui. Brother Stone called at our 
house this morning, and, after a little conversa- 
tion, read several accounts from the Methodist 
Magazine respecting the work of God among 
fhB natives of the forest: it se^me^tox^^Y^^ 


a little love-feast. I wept, rejoiced, and thank- 
ed God for bis abounding grace. Though 
much more indisposed this morning, my soul 
was happy in God and perfectly resigned to 
his blessed will. 

Wednesday 16th, brother Giles visited us, 
and gave me many precious promises from the 
book of God, which were like healing balm to 
an aching wound. On Friday, brother Ephraim 
Hall came and administered a little consolation, 
and then fervently phiyed that the will of the 
Lord might be done. On bidding me farewell, 
he said, " Remember the words of David, *The 
Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want,' " &,c. 
These words have often since been an inex- 
pressible comfort to my soul. Many friends 
visited me this week, several of whom had 
never experienced religion ; and it was the 
delight of my soul to proclaim to them the 
loving kindness of the Lord. 

Sunday 20th. This has been a happy day 
to my soul. In the afternoon several young 
persons, members of our society, came to see 
me. We prayed together, and the Lord gave 
us a refreshing shower. O, what a strong at- 
tachment I feel to the djear children of God! 
How they twine around my heart ! Nor is it 
any wonder : they are the children of my faith 
and prayers. How they weep around my bed, 
and pray, if it can be consistent with the divine 
will, that I may be restored to health I and 
should I ever be, I shall lYimk \X ci\i\«k^^ vsv ^sl- 
swer to prayer. However, 1 ^^^ ^t^^^^ 


resigned to the will of God, knowing that " for 
me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." 

Sunday 27lh. I am still growing weaker, 
yet the Lord is my support. He is my all in 
life and death, in time and eternity. I have 
every thing I need — Chris^tian friends — praying 
brethren — affectionate relatives — the necessary 
comforts of life ; yes, and good (tfflietions to 
wean me from this sinful world. Blessed be 
God for all ! That dear man, brother Giles, 
has been again to ^ee us ; and while he read 
and prayed, the glory of God seemed to cover 
us. God of love, make us more holy, and then 
we shall be more happy ! 

March 6th. It will be six weeks to-morrow 
since I was confined to the house, and mostly 
to my bed. To-day brother G. and brother A., 
our class leader, called to see me. Having 
prayed with me, and being about to take their 
leave, they remarked, it was rather their opinion 
that the Lord would restore me to health acfain. 
I told them I did not know how that might be, 
but could say, " The will of the Lord be done." 
But I must confess so great was the pressure 
on my lungs, that " their words seemed like an 
idle tale." After they were gone, as I lay ru- 
minating on the subject, the following words 
occurred to nay mind with singular force ; 
" Seeing their faith, he said unto the sick of the 
palsy. Thy sins are forgiven thee ;" after which 
he healed him. And how do I know, thought 
/, but these brethren have faith ? To be sure I 
do not positively know, but l\i^ ig«ewimvCvwi*\%^ 


that they only haw a desire. Immediately the 
following words were applied : " The desire of 
the righteous -shall be granted,'' and, ^*The 
prayer of faith shall save the ^ck/' 

It is now twelve days sinc<f ijbiey were here, 
and I have gained strength almost constantly ; 
so that! am able to sit up most of the time; 
bat whether I shall finally recover^ is known 
only to Him with whom the fnture is as the 
past. I daily see my nnworthiness, and feel 
my otter helplessness ; but God is all in aU, 
and in him I continually trust ; so that whether 
I live or die I hope to be his. 

March 24th. This mprning I am surrounded 
with temptations, and find it a hard matter to 
keep my affections on things above. Both 
body and mind are weak, and seem to tend to 
earth. O, why this ** looking at things that are 
seen"' — things temporal and perishing? My 
father has let out his farm to my brother Wil- 
liam, and bought another about a fourth of a 
mile nearer the village. I am too feeble to be 
removed, and roust stay where I am till I have 
more strength — ^if indeed I ever have before 
mortality is swallowed up of life. But this 
severing of the family is very painful to me. I 
expect to tabernacle here but a few more days, 
and should be glad could we all live together 
while I remain. Be this however as it may, I 
tmat we shall so live on earth as to live togemer 
in heaven. All, are now members of the socie^ 
except my brother W., and 1 Vo^ \ ^SokI^ 
M» bim converted befbve I gp\i«nce V)>Q^\AGift 


no more : and tboagh my eyes are now a 
fountain of tears, I do hope in Ood that I shall 
yet praise him, for I know when I am tried I 
shall come forth as gold. 

March 25th. Sorrow may endure for a night, 
but joy cometh again in the morning. Yes, 
blessed be God, the Sun of righteousness has 
dispersed those clouds that hung over my sky 
yesterday, and my glad soul mounts upward on 
the wings of faith, ^so that with inexpressible 
delight I am permitted to riew ^^the things 
that are eternal." 

March 28th. My health is a little better, 
though I still need much grace, and must exer- 
cise & constant reliance on the divine arm for 
support. To-day my parents and my youngest 
brother and sister have moved, and I am left 
with sister P. till the weather is more favoura- 
ble. My room baa been mostly stripped of its 
furniture ; and while looking at its naked walls, 
I have been reminded of my native nothing- 
ness. Another trivial occurrence led to a most 
Rolemn train of reflection. My brother was en- 
caged in clearing out the cellar, and tlio first 
dirt he threw into the measure sounded like 
clods falling upon the lid of a coflin, which 
turned my meditations to my own dissolution. 
I thought, how will my relatives and friends 
feel when they see the earth thrown upon my 
lifeless form ? Will they not breathe a sigh and 
shed a tear, while they say, Lucy has gone to 
^er Saviour and our Saviour, to her God and 

God ' And am I prepartd v» f^*^. \^ xca. 


afraid to die, am I not afraid to be dead? 
Blessed be God, "perfect love casteth out 
fear." -i felt that death was to me a vanquish- 
ed foe. As yet, however, I am not called to 
die, but only tabe in readiness; as I know not 
the day nor the hour in which the Son of man 
cometh. Mold out then, O my soul, a little 
longer ! Bear patiently thf) infirmities of thy 
frail body ! Submit cheerfully to the afflictions 
that befall thee ; for it will be but a little time 
before thou shalt be honourably discharged from 
this militant state ! Thy conflicts will then cease, 
and thou shalt enter into joys immortal. Halle- 
lujah to God and the Lamb for ever and ever ! 
29th. This morning when I awoke the 
bright luminary of day, emblem of the Sun 
of righteousness, had thrown his resplendent 
beams upon the naked walls of my apartment. 
I arose, and raised my grateful heart to my 
kind Preserver. Being much refreshed, and 
the day being very pleasant, I thought it proba- 
ble that it would be judged the most suitable 
time for my removal. But how can I bear to 
leave this old habitation, where the Lord has 
so often blessed me 1 There is, indeed, scarcely 
a foot of the upper or lower floor upon which I 
have not knelt, and held communion with God. 
I knew God was the same in every place, and 
immediately felt these comforting words ap- 
plied : " As thy days so shall thy strength be :" 
and, blessed be God, I have oflen realized the 
fulfilment of the promise. AYiowX. \.«^ ^<\qk5»., 
A. M., my bed was pUcod on tJiOke n^v^i^=^ 


with the necessary assistance, I was soon coiii« 
fortably seated by the side of. sister £., so that 
I reached our new residence with much less 
fatigue than 1 had anticipated. As-, however, 
I never expected to return, my feelings can 
be better imagined than described. 

After I had rested awhile, brother and sister 
Giles, in company, with brother - and sister 
Cook, came in ; and I can never be sufficiently 
thankful for their comforting words and earnest 
prayers. O, how sacred and tender are the 
tics of Christian friendship ! Several others 
visited me in the evening, with whom I took 
sweet counsel ; but as health forbids my noting 
circumstances, I cannot record their names ; 
though I shall always retain them on the im- 
perishable tablet of my heart. ^ May the Lord 
bless them and keep them as the apple of his 

April 1st. We had a prayer meeting at our 
house, "and it was a good time ; for our souls 
were greatly refreshed. I told the brethren 
they need not be afraid that their animated ex- 
ercises would harm me; for I believed it would 
do me good to hear them shout the praises of 
God even upon the highest key. And when I 
sympathized with them in their joyous emo- 
tions, it was like cordial to the fainting soul; 
though I had not been left comfortless a mo- 
ment during all my afflictions. 

April dth. This morning, for the first time in 

six weeks, I trod the native soil, and went forth 

^ trme9 the fiootatepa. oC tny Ooi^ vm^'^^si^mm. 


All nature seemed to rejoice at the return of 
spring; ihe -little warblers of the forest espe- 
cially seemed disposed to " try their choicest 
strains." Still it was a day of some trial to me-; 
for ever since my health began to improve, my 
mind has, at different times, been exercised on 
the subject of collecting my writings together 
and arranging them something in the form of a 
journal. Sometimes I almost reason myself 
into the propriety of it ; but when I coiisider 
there is nothing remarkable in my experience, 
and that what I have written was for my own 
private benefit oqly, I think, surely it cannot be 
my duty; and thus reason myself out of it 
again. But when my thoughts take this turn, 
both body and mind are afflicted ; while, on the 
other hand, when I conclude to proceed, I am 
not only comforted and strengthened, but past 
occurrences are brought as vividly to my recol- 
lection as if they had transpired but yesterday ! 
This seems something like an indication of 
duty, and Omniscience only knows how many 
tears I have shed on account of it. AVhether, 
however, I shall ever accomplish any thing 
time must determine ; though the present in- 
clination of my mind is to cherish the impres- 
sion. Surely I would glorify God both in soul 
and body, for both are his. 

April 16th. My mind has been variously ex- 
ercised for some days past. Now and then I 
have had a pleasant gale, which has seemed to 
waft me near the haven of eXeiuaX t«>^^^ \ ^2^ 
then again I hare been foiceA wvX vo *^'^^^'^^*^ 


"waves, and clouds, and storms." But in the 
midst of all 1 have had an unshaken confidence 
in God ; and whether the waves ran high or 
low, I felt an uninterrupted calm within. Here, 
then, is the true excellence of religion. To me 
it is no wonder that Job said, " Though he slay 
me, yet will I trust in him." I feel an inde- 
scribable happiness in giving up myself entirely 
into the hands of my blessed Redeemer. To 
know that he is mine and I am his, and shaU 
bo his for ever, fills me with astonishment, love, 
and praise. 

To-day I have been under the disagreeable 
necessity of reproving a dear sister in the 
church for being so much attached to the plea- 
sures of this vain world. At first she appeared 
hard, though she said but little in her own de- 
fence ; but when I entreated her with tears I 
saw there was a degree of tenderness in her 
feelings ; and the n^xt sabbath she made a most 
humble and satisfactory confession. O Lord, 
help her ever to realize that " the friendship of 
the world is enmity with God !" 

Simday 17th. The morning being fine, I 
walked out to take the air, and had just seated 
myself a few rods from the door, when brother 
Z. Paddock, one of the circuit preachers, came 
and joined our little company. His words 
were rendered a peculiar blessing to me. 
After mentioning the Lord's dealings with his 
afflicted people, he proceeded to remark, that 
j/'we considered these chastisements as coming 
/ro/n the band of a patema\ Beixv^, wA««kV 


cisod toward that Being the appropriate moral 
feelings, they would " work out for us a far more 
exceeding and eternal weight of glory." On 
the other hand, if these afflictions are regarded 
as the offspring of chance, or the expression of 
God's vindictive displeasure, they only tend to 
sour the mind and harden the heart. He also 
mentioned a passage in Mr. Whitefield's sermon 
on " glorifying God in the fire," in which the 
author says, that when in England, he visit- 
ed a glass factory, and that he saw some of the 
workmen removing the partially finished ware 
from one burning oven to another. On inquiry, 
he found this was done to temper it and make 
it transparent. Mr. W. then lifted his heart 
in prayer, and said, " O God, cause my soul to 
pass from one burning oven to another till it is 
completely purified and fully prepared for thy 
blessed use." "But," said brother P., "our 
afiiictions must be sanctified ; otherwise they 
will do us no good." 

I felt the force of every word, and, after the 
family went to meeting, bowed before the Lord 
and began to pray that he would sanctify afllic* 
tions to my spiritual good, and that he would 
take me, if necessary, out of one oven and put 
me into another till my soul should be fully 
purified and fraught with the excellence of di- 
vine love. In a moment I was so overwhelm- 
ed with the divine presence, that I could say 
nothing but " glory, glory !" It was indeed a 
" weight of glory," under which it vro\ild ^^^x^. 
my frail tabernacle must dissolve, vd^^^"^ "^^ 


spirit to return to the bosom of its God ! When, 
lK>wever, I came to reflect that I was specially 
charged by my physician to exercise bvit little, 
and called to remembrance the pressure that I 
felt at ray lungs in the morning, I ehdeavonred 
to restrain my feelings : but 0, it was all glory ! 
^while after I prepared a little refreshment ; 
and I shall never forget with what thankiful«> 
ness I partook of it, mingling the whole with 
tears. I then lay down, but my soul was so 
joyful that I arose and made a brief memoran- 
dum of my exercises ; and, feeling impressed 
to do so, sent it to brother Paddock at the close 
of the morning services. He afterward told 
me it was rendered t great blessing to him. 
The enemy of my soul soon tempted me to 
think I had exercised so much that I should not 
soon get over it : but, blessed bo Grod, instead 
of losings I find/ 1 have acquired strength, soul 
and body, and am determined, more than ever, 
to know nothing but Christ and him crucified. 

the unfathomable depths of Jesus' love ! 
Lord, ever keep me in this channel, and then 

1 shall " rejoice evermore, pray without ceasing, 
and in every thing give thanks." 

25th. I have had severe conflicts to-day, and 
have been more tempted to a light and trifling 
spirit than for weeks before, and feel sensible 
I have yielded too much. But I soon saw my 
error, cried to the Lord for deliverance, and 
hope I shall have grace to be more watchful in 

May 4ib, Rode out t\iia mottaTi^^, ^xd «xa 


but little fatigued. It has seemed to me, for 
several days, that perhaps my work is not yet 
done. Although feeble, I can with {Measure 
employ my pen a little occasionally ; and what 
makes it a pleasure is, I feel it to be a duty. I 
now, more than ever, see the hand of God in my 
afflictions, feel that they have been sanctified 
to my good* and hope hereafter to m^e a right 
use of. all I suffer or enjoy; so that I may 
glorify and enjoy God now and evermore. 



May 20th. My health continues to improve, 
and I have this day been permitted to visit my 
brother and sister at the old house. My feel- 
ings, on entering the various apartments, were 
singularly tender and pleasurable. I said to 
myself. Here is the place where I cried unto 
the Lord in my distress, when it seemed 
that the very pains of hell gat hold on me ; and 
here is where my soul has often been comfort- 
ed and blest ; and here I have mournfully en- 
joyed communion with my Lord, while suffering 
severe bodily afflictions ; and here I have en- 
joyed sweet fellowship with the saints. My 
heart was full. I fell upon my knees and craved 
a blessing, while I felt .in my soul vU^ viwraRWX 
emotioaa of gratitude. Aud kv^"^ ^^ \jSa.^ 


help me to spend the rest of my days in his 
service, and improve them to the hest possible 
advantage ! 

29th. Blessed be God, I have this day enjoy- 
ed one more sabbath of rest in the temple of 
prayer ! I sat under the droppings of the sanc- 
tuary, and was refreshed. In claBs I rejoiced 
that my brethren were standing fast, striving 
together for the faith of the gospel, though ap^ 
parently not quite as zealous as they were the 
last time I met with them. O Lord, revive thy 
work both in their hearts and mine ; so that we 
may be prepared to live or fitted to die I 

June 12th. 1 have this day been blessed 
with an opportunity of hearing brother Paddock 
preach on " Wisdom is the principal thing ; 
therefore get wisdom." And O how did my 
heart expand with a desire for a more perfect 
knowledge and a deeper experience iii the 
things of God ! I see and feel my poverty, 
while I realize that " Wisdom is justified of 
her children :" but take encouragement when I 
reflect that the " only wise God our Saviour," 
" giveth liberally and upbraideth not." ^ I feel 
the work of grace going on in my heart, and 
can truly say, 

" None but Christ to me be given, — 
None but Christ in earth or heaven." 

19tb. For a few days past I have been led 

to examine my heart very closely, as I have 

had some trials from a near friend. These, 

however, serve only as a spur to drive me 

nearer the throne of grace. li««x ^'^^wb^ 


three or four of us joined ia solemn prayer, and 
the place was indeed a little bethel to our 
souls. Heaven seemed near while we poured 
out our souls for the salvation of poor perish- 
ing sinners. To-day (sabbath) I have not been 
permitted to meet with my brethren, but have 
not been deprived of the presence of God. No : 
glor}' to his holy name, in secret prayer I have 
enjoyed sweet communion with the adorable 
Jesus ; and, while contemplating his charms, 
have anticipated the day when I shall be asso- 
ciated with his people in Unbroken fellowship 
and unending praises. How then can I regret 
the speedy lapse of time ? 

July 21st. What shall I render unto the 
Lord for all his mercies bestowed upon one of 
the un worthiest of all his creatures ? My 
health is greatly improved. Surely the least I 
can do is, to give him my whole heart. How 
far I come short in this. Lord, thou knowest : 
and it is a satisfaction to me that thou dost 
know ; for " thou knowest that I love thee," 
and that it is my one desire to serve and glo- 
rify thee. And yet I often fear I shall not live 
answerably to the blessings I daily receive. 
God of love, help me ! 

Last week I visited my brethren at Sauquoit, 
and though they have their trials on account of 
the declension of religion in that place, yet the 
Ijord manifested Ills presence to a few of us who 
joined in prayer at the house of brother Giles. 
It was indeed a season of T^^te^Vm^ N» ^''^ 


Yesterday I went with cousin P., who ha* 
been much afHicted, to visit cousin E. I fear, 
however, that those afflictions have not had 
their designed effect. I found it a very easy 
matter to converse with them about any thing 
except religion : but as soon, as I introduced 
this, or attempted to speak of our own or other's 
mortality, another subject was immediately and 
with singular dexterity substituted : an evidenee 
this that their hopes and prospects are still 
earth-bound. O when will they learn to be 
wise, and seek a better good than this poor 
world can, by any possibility, afford ! 

August 1st. I have just a*etumed from camp 
meeting, and though, humanly speaking, I have 
been much exposed, yet I am in better health 
than when I went. *' Who shall harm us if we 
be followers of that which is good V* Though 
I did not enjoy as much as at some other times, 
it was a great and good meeting. To myself, 
indeed, it was profitable ; for I was quickened, 
comforted, and encouraged to seek after more 
of the mind that was in Christ. There were 
not far from fifty conversions, and many lefl the 
ground sorrowing on account of their sins. 
This evening my soul has been wonderfully 
blessed in secret prayer. O God, I know that 
thou art mine, and I am thine, and believe I 
shall be to all eternity ! 

21st. Since I wrote last 1 have been closely 

pursued by the enemy of all righteousness, and 

have had sore trials to pass through ; yet the 

I^ord has inercifully appeared tot m^ ^^\\N«t- 


ance. Glory be to his name for ever ! The 
quarterly meeting I attended in Augusta was 
rendered a great blessing to my soul, as was 
the covenant we made in our own society to 
pray for more religion. The latter, in particu- 
lar, was so profitable, that yesterday our leader, 
brother Addington, proposed a renewal of it ; 
when the Spirit of God was ^poured out, his 
glory filled the temple, and the cup of our joy 
was made to run over ; so that many of our 
neighbours hastened to see what was the mat- 
ter ! God of benevolence, hasten the time when 
they shall consent to drink of the same rivers 
of pleasure ! 

Oct. 3, 1825. I am this day thirty-three 
years old; and though I have not written 
for some time, my spiritual birth-day has not 
been forgotten ; nor have I been altogether in- 
sensible of the mercies received. I have been 
on a very pleasant journey down the Susque- 
hannah, which has proved advantageous to both 
soul and body. I found my old friends (dear 
father West's family) very comfortably and 
pleasantly situated. 1 went with them to class 
and prayer meeting, and rejoiced that there 
were so many in that place who loved the gates 
of Zion. It was indeed hard parting with my 
dear sister L.; but we anticipated the day 
when, if faithful, we shall meet to part no 
more. This morning my soul is much drawn 
out in prayer for a deeper work of grace. O 
that I may now be filled with tha HgVj CiV\aRJv.\ 

Nov. 24tb A day o{ ^uYi^e \)cv».\^^v^\^V 


As an individual, I think I feel unfeignedly 
grateful for the temporal and spiritual blessings 
I enjoy. Still I am too cold. O for a seraph's 
heart, and a seraph's lay ! Though we have to 
mourn over the backslidings of some of the 
youth in our society, who appear to be " lovers 
of pleasure more than lovers of God," yet we 
are favoured with seasons of spiritual refresh- 
ment. May we be truly thankful ! For myself, 
how many soever rise up and oppose " the good 
old way," I am determined to " walk therein ;" 
for it is only in so doing that I expect to find 
rest to my soul. 

Dec. 10th. Attended a quarterly meeting at 
Westmoreland. It was a blessed season to 
my soul, and I think I never felt a greater at- 
tachment to the blessed Saviour and his dear 
people. At no former period did the doctrine 
of Christian holiness appear more excellent : 
and although I do not enjoy that fulness which 
is my privilege, yet I am seeking after it. 
Many times, indeed, my cup of joy runneth 
over ; and I read my title clear to the mansions 
of rest. Even this day, I " stand and rejoice 
in the hope of the glory of God." 

Jan. 1, 1826. One week ago this day wc 
held a love-feast, and had the sacrament of the 
Lord's supper administered in our society. It 
was rather a dull time, and I did not get that 
blessing which my soul anxiously desired. 
However, we held a prayer meeting at our 
house in the evening, as we could not go to the 
cb&peJ m conseqtt#nc« oC mti, vndi ^^ \icst^ 


blessed my soul in a wonderful manner. To- 
day, through ill health, I am not permitted to 
meet with my brethren in the temple of the 
Lord ; and yet I feel no disposition to complain 
Why should I ? For several months past I have 
enjoyed sabbath and sanctuary privileges too 
precious ever to be forgotten. I have some- 
times thought the Lord was preparing me for 
trials, but did not look for them in this way. 
My health has been so good that I could en- 
dure much fatigue r and perform a pretty good 
week's work. But the scene has changed, and 
dark clouds overcast ray sky! I have a great 
oppression on my lungs, attended with consi- 
derable cough ; and though I cannot foresee 
the issue, yet one thing, blessed be God, I can 
do — I can trust wholly in him. To me this is 

" More precious than silver or goW, 
Or all that this earth can aflfonl.*' 

Yes, I can trust in him for all things, knowing 
that "all things work together for good to 
them that love God.'' No matter then, O my 
soul, if thou canst not penetrate the " clouds and 
darkness round about the throne ;" 'tis enough 
for thee to know that " righteousness and judg- 
ment^ characterize the administration of Him 
that sitteth on the throne. Lot the frail fabric 
fall — thou shalt then wing thy way, quick as 
thought, to glory and to God ! 

*' Let sickness blast, let death devour. 
If heaven must rccomnenae oui ^aua \ 
Perish the grass, atid ftAe \)^« ^o'Nvt^ 
If firm th« wQcd of Ooi leTSAXTA:"^ 


Jan. 7th. My brother William was married 
on the 4th instant to Miss M. Knights. I have 
had strength according to my day, being suffi- 
ciently well to attend the Auptial solemnities. 
But what is best of all, amidst the crowds iit- 
tendant on the occasion, my soul was kept 
in perfect peace, and my mind calmly stayed 
upon/ Grod. To-day, in secret prayer, he has 
given me a fresh token of his love. . Blessed 
be his name for ever and ever ! 

10th. Yesterday ray brother moved his wife 
home, and had " the third part of the wedding," as 
they termed it. My two sisters., E. and M., went. 
To describe my feelings would be impossible. 
*^ My head was as waters, and mine eyes as a 
fountain of tears." Not particularly because 
they went ; but from the reflection that time is 
short, eternity at hand, and the chief portion of 
the company seemed unconcerned respecting it. 
My brother J. is already gone : and, when he 
was a corpse, was laid in the very room where 
they are now assembled ! Besides, that house 
has been for majiy years a house of prayer; 
and now it is devoted to. eating and drinking, 
and making merry. In view of these facts I 
could not refrain from tears, and spent much of 
the evening in silent prayer. From that time 
to this (Jan. 21st) I have been able to do but 
little, being severely ajQlicted in various ways. 
But the Lord knoweth what is best, and doeth 
all things well. O that I may always feel as I 
now do — humble and resigned! and then all 
mil be well 


Feb. 18th. I have again coDsiderable pres- 
sure' at my lungs. Others, however, suffer as 
well as myself. The influenza is remarkably 
prevalent in the whole neighbourhood. But 
how much less are we afflicted than we deserve! 
It is a time of general stupidity and declensioa 
in religion ; and, since mercies have not led us 
to repentance^ we may well look for judgments. 
May we all " learn righteousness," and turn 
unto him who chastens ! 

1 have had several hard struggles with the 
enemy of late, and many times have found but 
little comfort in secret prayer, so that I have 
been tempted to give up the practice of it. 
Feeling no disposition to do this, however, I 
continued the struggle till I am at length made 
triumphant and filled with divine consolation. 
" Thanks be unto God, who giveth us the victory 
through our Lord Jesus Christ." 

March 1st. To-day I went to see cousin H. S., 
who appears to. be in the last stage of a pulmo- 
nary disease ; but he is resigned and happy, 
ready and willing to depart and be with Christ. 
Such is the power of evangelical faith ! I feel 
my mind tender and -solemn, and, at the same 
time, rejoice that it is as well with me as it is. 
But, after all, how far beneath my privilege do 
1 live ! O, Jesus, raise me higher in the know- 
ledge and enjoyment of thyself! I feel like the 
veriest worm of earth, dependant on thee for 
every mercy. Apart from grace, I am nothings 
and have nothing. Surely, the Isal %u^^^ ^ 



the spiritual edifice is to be brought forth with 
shoutings of " Grace, grace unto it !" 

12th. W« have this day been called to ibl- 
low one of our neighbours to the tomb. When 
taken sick she was unprepared to meet Grod ; 
but she earnestly sought, and we haYe reason 
to believe found, pardon and peace through the 
merits of a crucified Saviout. Her last words 
were, " Lord Jesus, receive my spirit!" Brother 
Harmon preached an appropriate discourse on 
occasion of her death, at the Episcopal church, 
. from Job XXX, 23 ; " I kn6w thou wilt bring me 
to death, and to the house appointed for all liv- 
. ing." Her husband was in great distress, but 
subsequently found peace, and became a mein- 
ber of our society. 

For several days past I have felt rather stu- 
pid, and have not realized so much of the pre- 
sence of God as I could wish. Sometimes I 
have thought it was owing to my bodily weak- 
ness, and at other times to the want of faith. 
But whatever has been the cause, I now feel 
. greatly quickened, and am resolved, more than 
ever, to be a whole-hearted Christian. 

April 9th. I have enjoyed another Christian 
sabbath, and have been permitted to join my 
brethren in the house of prayer. It was, in- 
deed, a memorable time. Brother Harmon, 
though feeble in health, did great justice to 
those deep words of the apostle, '* If any man 
be in Christ, he is a new creature," &c., 2 Cor.. 
Y, 17, I waa led to look back more than six- 


teen years, to the time when I experienced this 
new creation. But a consciousness that the 
work had been wrought was not my only con- 
solation : my rejoicing was the testimony of a 
good conscience, while the Spirit of God bore 
witness with my spirit that I was a child of his. 
And I felt I should much rather die to-day, 
than backslide and wound the cause of God. 
Of this, however, there is no necessity. Even 
were I to live as long as did Enoch, it would be 
my duty as well as my privilege, like him to 
walk with God. O that every faculty of my 
soul may be awake to spiritual action ! 

Tuesday 11th, I visited Mrs. G., a Presby- 
tei'ian, and sympathized with her in her afflic- 
tions, ^he is surrounded with much of this 
world's goods, but the consumption will soon, 
no doubt, remove her hence. She says that 
when she thinks of the sins she has committed 
since she became a professor, she is afraid : 
at other times the thouglit of death appears very 
pleasant. At her request I prayed with her, 
and found it a profitable time to my own soul. 
May the Lord cut short his work in righteous- 
ness, and prepare her for his heavenly kingdom ! 

21st. We have this day paid our last respects 
to tBe mortal remains of cousin H. S. His disease 
being a lingering consumption, many and severe 
were his afHictions ; insomuch, that at times he 
was almost impatient to be gone. The last 
time I saw him was several days before his 
death. We talked a little «Lbov)X ow\ \«»Nx^ 
aiBictionSf and much about OTw\v^.«ve\^^ v^«^* 


ance. Though he thought he should not Uvt 
through the night, he was perfectly- tranqni 
and happy, and maintained the same blessec 
frame of mind to the last. He died in th< 
26th year of his age. The Rev. Mr. Hollister 
an Episcopal minister, preached the ftinen 
sermon from John xi, 25, 26, " Jesus said unU 
him, I am the resurrection and 'the life," See 
It was a solemn and profitable season to m] 
soul : indeed, I often find it more advantageoui 
to go to the house of mourning than to Um 
house of feasting. 

May 28th. I attended quarterly meeting ii 
Utica. The last time I was there on a similfi 
occasion, the following scripture would hav< 
been strikingly applicable : *' By whom shal 
Jacob arise, for he is small?** but now om 
might exclaim, " What hath God wrought!' 
Within the last few months hundreds have beei 
converted to God in the city and its neighbonr 
hood ; and it was truly animating to sit witl 
them in love-feast, and hear them declare witl 
so much simplicity and earnestness the won 
derful works of God. The venerable Bisho] 
M'Kendree, being present, preached in th4 
forenoon with remarkable eloquence and im 
pressiveness, on, " God so loved the world,' 
&c. Bishop Hedding preached in the after 
noon, but we could not stay to hear him. Oi 
our way home we stopped at a school-house 
and heard brother W. M. Willet discourse from 
''If God he for us, who can be against nst' 
Mjr heart wat truly humbXedmxVvVu m% NvVvci' 


realized that God, who is the best of beings, and 
the source of all true enjoyment,, is my Father 
and my God. O who would not be a Christian ! 
Who would not seek the friendship of him who 
always has been, and who always will be, will- 
ing to defend those who trust in him ! Others 
may choose as they please, but with the prophet 
Jeremiah, I will say, *^ The Lord is my portion, 
therefore will I hope ii) him." 

June 7th. I am again severely afflicted with 
ti pain, in my side ; so that some of the time I 
am obliged to keep my bed. Still I rejoice 
that *' whcon the Lord loveth he chasteneth." 
Doubtless I needed checking a little. Having 
an opportunity to obtain a little money by 
sewing, I went quite beyond my strength; 
though I did not design to do wrong. It ap- 
peared reasonable that I should do all I could to 
maintain myself, and have a little to give for 
the support of the gospel. Possibly, however, 
had I spent a little time in visiting the sick, or 
in some other work of mercy, it might have 
been more pleasing to God as well as more 
conducive to health. Still I intended to do 
right ; and if I erred, I can only say, " Father, 
forgive." And if he sees it not best to intrust 
me with health, I hope to be fully resigned ; 
and finally to be saved, even though it be " as 
by fire." Afflictions, in themselves, do not 
possess any saving virtue. They are effica- 
cious only as far as they lead one to trust in 
the " Hope of Israel." Thus a«LtLC,\^&ft^^^Js^K^ 
*' work out for us a far more exc©%toi%«:«v^^\»xw^ 


weight of glory." And I have no doubt that 
thousands will bless God in eternity, that they 
were made to " pass through the fire and through 
the flames." 

June 12th. This afternoon I have been to 
visit dear brother Smith,* who, for months past, 
has been in a decline. Though in much bodily 
pain, he was measurably designed to the will of 
Heaven. Still he felt greatly distressed in 
view of his past unfaithfulness and consequent 
unworthiness. He was reminded that looking 
at his own unworthiness would do him no good ; 
but that he must look to Christ, rememberinff 
that his blood alone, "cleanseth from all sin. 
Here was his only hope — his only refuge. He 
rejoiced at intervals, and then again doubts 
seemed to trouble him. I retired in secret, axid 
felt my heart much drawn out in prayer that he 
might find full redemption before we left. « Se- 
veral of our brethren being present, brother S. 
desired that prayer might be oflTered on his be- 
half. After singing, " On Jordan's stormy 
banks I staud," &;c., we joined in prayer for 
him, and the divine presence seemed to fill the 
place. With the greatest apparent emotion he 
exclaimed, " Glory, glory, glory to God !" He 
then said, " I thank thee, O blessed Father, for 
this unspeakable privilege. Thou hast sent my 

* Sbth Smith, father of A. W. Smith, the able professor 

of natural philosophy and astronomy in the Wesleyan 

University, Middletown, Conn. A particular account of 

f/ic death of this excellent man will biB found in the ninth 

ro/tj/ne of the Methodist Magazine, pv ^W,^«^,— ®». 


brethren and sisters here to pray for me ; and 
truly they have brought with them the great 
Physician ; the Physician of soul and body, for 
I am now free from pain and filled with divine 
consolation." He proceeded to pray most fer- 
vently for himself and family, thanking God for 
every temporal and spiritual mercy, and espe- 
cially for the conversion of his eldest son, then 
in college^ and prayed that he might be a bless- 
ing to his widowed mother, when his father 
was no more, aiding her in instructing and 
training up his younger brothers and sisters in 
the ways of religion and virtue ; at the same 
time expressing the^strongest assurance that God 
would bring all his children to the knowledge 
of the truth. He then concluded by prapng 
for the world lying in wickedness, for the 
church in general, and for those in particular 
with whom he was more immediately connect- 
ed in Christian fellowship. We bade him 
farewell, and when we left the house the last 
words we heard him say were, " Glory to God !** 
I shall reckon this day among the happiest and 
most profitable of my whole life. 

" My life, O Loxd, I would anew devote to thee, 
And in thy service spend a long eternity.'* . 

21st. What surprising doctrinal errors are 
propagated in these days ! On Saturday I visit- 
ed sister White, a young convert, who inform- 
ed me that she had just attended a conference 
meeting conducted by the Rev. Mr. Weeks, 
and that in the course of his observations he said^ 
that he wondered how ikie avwTvex ^«t^\ V^ "^^ 


tbe Christian to pray for him ; that he thought 
it highly presumptuous ; that God's perfections 
would be as much glorified in his damnation as 
salvation ; and, that the Christian would be as 
likely to pray him to hell as to heaven ! It 
seems to me that a theory more directly adapt- 
ed to ruin souls could hardly be devised. 

23d. Visited brother Smith again, and found 
bim happy in God.. Though suffering in body, 
he has the victory over death, hell, and the 
grave. He said these were his. happiest days, 
and that he had never before enjoyed such 
spiritual blessings as since our last meeting. It 
was really animating to hear him, though with 
a feeble voice, say, "Not my will, but tnine, O 
Grod, be done !" while his countenance seemed 
to reflect the glory of God. I have no doubt 
that he is wholly sanctified, and made meet to 
be a partaker of the inheritance of the saints in 
light. He continued in the same happy frame 
till the 7th of July, when he went to join the 
company who minister before the throne d 
light. How desirable to die the death of the 
righteous ! May I so live that my last end may 
be like his ! Brother Z. Paddock, of Utica^ 
preached at his funeral on Sunday the 9th, to a 
large, attentive, and deeply afiected congrega- 
tion, after which he was interred in a plat of 
ground previously selected by himself for that 
purpose from, his own farm. 




Monday, July 17th, I went with two of my 
cousins on a visit to Sullivan and Fenner, 
where we spent nearly a Week. While here I 
found it rather difficult always to obtain a closet 
at my stated hours of prayer ; but I did not for* 
get the Lord, nor did he forsake me. No ; 
glory to his holy name, my soul was kept in 
peffect peace. I found cousin Eliza's health 
much impaired, and was ^ glad she was not 
wholly insensible of her lost condition. She 
told me she read the Bible every day, but dare 
not pray. ' When L tried to persuade her to 
*^ seek diat she might find," she said she was 
afraid to promise lest she should not perform. 
O how many different ways has Satan to en- 
snare precious souls ! (See the last part of 
chapter viii.) 

On Wednesday we went to see the falls of 
Chittenango Creek, in Fenner. The scene 
was truly grand. One could scarcely look up- 
on the foaming waters, dashing with restless 
fury over the craggy rocks, and tumbling into 
the frightful chasm below, without exclaiming, 
** Great and marvellous are thy works, Lord 
God Almighty !" Surely atheism must be blind 
to the world of wonders in which we live. My 
cousin pointed out to m©a\aA,^\vo,^^^^ ^«^^ 


beforjB, accidentally fell about eighty feet down 
the precipice, and crawled back again without 
being seriously injured ! 

23d. At home and able to attend the morn- 
ing service. In class meeting we had a com- 
fortable time ; and though I felt that afflictions 
awaited me, my soul was happy in God. I told 
the brethren, that should I be called to pass 
through the valley and shadow of death, I fear- 
ed no evil ; for I believed God would guide me 
safely through. O religion, thou precious balm! 

July 27th. Considerable oppression on my 
lungs — sent for a physician — and, for the fin^t 
time, allowed a vein to be opened. This afford- 
ed me some relief; yet fearful apprehensions 
were entertained that. I should have the dropsy. 
To me this, was indeed a very trying thought ; 
for I had previously concluded that the con- 
sumption would terminate my days : but when 
I reflected that I was no better than other hu- 
man beings who had fallen victims to death in 
this way ; that my heavenly Father knew what 
was best; and that his grace would bo suffi- 
cient for me, I found it easy to submit to the 
divine arrangements. It really seemed to me 
that my afflictions were traceable to the same 
agency as in the case of Job ; for as I lay ru- 
minating on the subject, Satan appeared to my 
imagination as standing a little to my lefl and 
conversing with a person on my right, who 
seemed to be my only advocate. The former 
said to the latter, '^ I know she has been patient 
and resigned under former affi\c\ioii%,Wt. touch 


her in a different manner, and she will murmur 
and complain." The latter said, "Try her, 
and see." I was now fully conscious that I 
should be called to pass through great bodily 
afflictions ; but whether it would be unto death 
or not, did not in the least concern or trouble 
me ; for I felt an unshaken confidence in God. 
And now with tears of gratitude would I record, 
that amidst all, he was indeed my " sun and 

Sunday, Aug. 13th. I have never before 
been called to suffer as much in one week, as 
during the last. My father came into the room 
at the close of the meeting, and after some con- 
versation respecting the probability of my re- 
covery, asked me if I were ready logo ; adding, 
<< It is a great thing to die." 1 told him I 
thought I was, and that if I were called that 
night, I had no doubt it would be well with me. 
Though I had a deep sense of my un worthi- 
ness, yet I fully believed that Grod, for Christ's 
sake, had forgiven the " iniquity of my sin," and 
prepared me for a place in his heavenly king- 
dom: consequently, I was not afraid to die. 

18th. My disorder increases, and I have no 
idea of being restored ; but the prospect of 
death is pleasant. My sister E. kindly came 
home to assist me in dividing my things, as a 
small part of my preparation for leaving the 
world. It seemed like a great task to confine 
my mind to matters of this sort ; and having 
exhausted a particular kind oi «\\ekN\».\AX\^\SNft^- 
cme, I was quite sensible X\LaX, -wV^JassvsX ^^ 


supporting grace of God, I could not go through 
with the fatigues of the day. For this, there- 
fore, I prayed, and the Lord imparted all I 
could desire ; so that had I been called -at 
evening I could, with St. Paul, have most 
cheerfully said, " I am now ready to be offersetj." 
26th. A little more comfortable, and some of 
my symptoms rather more favourable. , Brother 
Harmon stayed with us last night. After a lit* 
tie conversation, he prayed most fervently for 
my recovery; that my disorder might be speed** 
ily checked,' and that I might be restored to the 
family. As far as I could discern, I thought I 
had never heard a prayer that appeared more 
consistent with the will and word of God ; and 
yet there seemed so little ground for the exer- 
cise of faith that I saw not how to believew 

29th. Symptoms still more favourable, though 
it seems hardly possible for me to recover. 
My brethren, however, do not give me up, but 
think I shall yet be partially restored. No- 
thing affects me so much as their friendly 
prayer and sympathetic tears. If I have the 
least desire to remain on earth,. it is that I may 
encourage my Christian friends, and otherwise 
be instrumental in doing good. In my view, 
the world lost its charms years since. My 
relatives and friends, however dear to me, have 
by no means the highest seat in my affections. 
Jesus, the Saviour of sinners, is enthroned 
there. He is my all. How often has he 
soothed my mind and comforted me upon the 
bed of laaguishing ! I wo\ild be ^itVi him and 


behold his glory. A few days since, after con- 
versing with several young friends, and while 
they were yet sitting round the room, I had 
siich a prospect of " being for ever with the 
Lord," and of sharing the felicities of the hea- 
venly world, that I was almost utterly over- 
whelmed by the soul-inspiring vision. 

Sept. 2d. As Twas sitting up this evening to 
have my bed made, I took the Bible and opened 
at the one hundred and third Psalm, third verse, 
^ Who forgiveth all thine iniquities ; who heal- 
cth all thy diseases," <&'c. I thought^ What can 
this mean ? I know that all my " iniquities" 
are " forgiven ;" but all my " diseases" are not 
« healed." WiU they be healed ? Shall I be 
restored ? My physician not only speaks more 
encouragingly, but there is an evident abatement 
in the violence of my disease. This favourable 
change I cannot but regard as having occurred 
in answer to prayer. Had my brethren let go 
their hold on the divine promises, had they 
ceased to intercede for me, I should, in all pro- 
bability, have been called hence ere this. If I 
am still spared, Lord, 1 would be thine — wholly 

** And if 80 poor a worm as I 
May to thy great glory live, 
All my actions sanctify 

All my words and thougbts receive : 
Claim me for thy service, claim 
All I have, and all I am !" 

Sept. 9th. Yesterday and to-day we h«fe b»4 
no company. The time Yia«, \knw«^ct,'^w»«^ 


away very pleasantly in meditation and prayer; 
and my soul is exceedingly happy in God. la 
the evening brother Allen preached at our 
house, and I once more had the inexpressible 
privilege of hearing the gospel. O that I may 
profit by every means of grace with which I am 
indulged ! Several came into my room, some 
of whom were unconverted : these just looked 
at me, and then at one another, and silently 
withdrew. O how I longed for their salvation ! 
Sister B. still weeps, over me ; but my soul re- 
joices. God is love. My evidence, of accept- 
ance with him is as clear as the noonrday sun. 
All 1 want, is to be like hini. When the com- 
pany retired I was much &tigued, but soon 
found refreshment in 

" Tired nature^s sweet restorer, balmy sleep." 

19th. The venerable Bishop George stayed 
with us last night, and gave us a most pleasing 
account of the work of God among the Indians 
of Upper Canada. The religion of Christ has 
indeed made them new creatures. They are 
abandoning their filthy, vicious, and indolent 
habits, and bringing forth the fruits of civiliza- 
tion and righteousness. For my encouragement 
the bishop told me the plan that he adopted 
when sick : " First," said he^ " I give up every 
thing, get my heart right into heaven, and my 
soul happy in God. And then I sing, and 
shout, and pray, and preach, till sometimes the 
people think I am going crazy. But I know 
what T am about — I am gp\ug\.o\!kevreTvl*' His 


appropriate and highly animated communica- 
tions were singularly edifpng and comforting. 
. Though my general health is improving, I 
have, during the last two days, had a distress- 
ing pain in my face and neck. Last night it 
was very severe. When I attempted to pray I 
could not keep my thoughts collected. All was 
pain and distraction. And now, " the enemy 
came in like a flood." He suggested that I had 
professed to be as willing to suffer as to enjoy ; 
and^DOw because I could get no rest, I was 
disposed to pray that the pain might be remov- 
ed ! What glaring inconsistency ! I, however, 
met the enemy by saying, ^^ It is my duty to use 
the means, whether it be prayer or some thing 
else ; and when I have done this, it is then my 
duty to be patient and resigned under all the 
pain that God may see best to inflict." But when 
1 arose in my bed, and began to pray, he told 
me I was presumptuous, and that such was my 
weakness I should not get over the effort in 
several days. I resolved, however, to try the 
strength of prayer ; and the more I prayed the 
more collected my thoughts became, and the 
greater was my freedom from bodily suffering. 
Finally the enemy fled, my disordered system 
became quiet, and I laid me down and slept in 
peace ! To some this may seem a very trivial 
occurrence. Be it so, and what then ? Is it 
not a proof, that God hears and answers pray- 
er ? If the very hairs of our head are all num- 
bered, is it unreasonable to presume that out 
heaven]/ Father will ixiler^^Q ^«t 'Qcift \^^ 


of an individual, however humble, as well as 
for the deliverance of kingdoms and empires ? 
" Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not 
all his benefits !*' 

Sept. 22d. Seventeen years ago this day Gkxl 
for Christ's sake pardoned my sins. I have 
been taking a solemn review of my past life, 
and of the mercy shown to me, a poor, fallen, 
depraved sinner. While I have much dause 
for humiliation before God, I am constrained 
to bless him for all his goodness. Hdw innu* 
iherable and invaluable his gifts ! My heart 
melts at the remembrance of them. He bore 
with my evil manners almost seventeen years. 
When I repented, he pardoned me, jemd made 
me a child of his. Ought I not, then, to bless 
him ? But this is not all : for seventeen years 
he has kept me from falling ; so that I have 
never lived a day without prayer, esteeming 
religion my chief good, however small my pro- 
ficiency therein ; and, though surrounded with 
infirmities and afflictions, I continue to witness 
that " God is love." In the most trying hour 
his grace has hitherto been sufiicient. Ah, 
yes, how many times have I been put into the 
furnace ; and now, having passed through the 
fire unharmed, let me give glory to my Almighty 
Deliverer! Hold out, then, my soul, a Sttle 
longer. Bear patiently a few more pains and 
conflicts, and thy warfare will be ended. Eter- 
nity, with all its glorious and blissful realities, 
wih soon be disclosed to thy view, and thou 
ab^lt then wake up in the \\ketiesa oi ^^iQ ^ot%r 


ble rRedeemer. O, to foe lite him ! To see 
him as he is, all immortal, all divine ! What a 
transporting thought! Who would not be a 
Christian ? Who would not be willing to suffer 
even for ages, were it required, in view of the 
unwasting, unchanging, increasing felicities of 
eternity ? Indeed, " the sufferings of the pre- 
sent time- are not worthy to be compared with 
the glory which shall be revealed in us." 

October 3d. My health continues to improve 
slowly ; S^o that yesterday I walked out into the 
door*yard. I have been sick ten weeks, confined 
to the house eight, and to my bed, chiefly, five. 
And is not the hand of God in all tlus ? No 
doubt it is : I deeply realize it. 

To-day father West and his wife, brother 
Cooley and his wife, have been to see us ; and 
O, how many past ^occurrences did their visit 
bring to my recollection ! Yes,- these are they, 
who, with my parents, mourned over the follies 
and vanities of my childhood and youth: and 
when in my distress I cried unto the Lord, 
they poured forth their supplications in my be- 
half with strong cries and tears unto Him that 
is able to save. God heard and answered, and 
they rejoiced greatly in my deliverance. No 
doubt, however, they " rejoiced with trembling," 
lest I should fall from my steadfastness, as 
some prophesied I would : but though " faint," 
I am still " pursuing." Yes, and " I am per- 
suaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, 
nor principalities, nor poweiS) tiQitV\]&s^ ^^t^* 
aent, nor things to come, notWv^V^^'^ ^«^^^ 



nor any other creature, shall be able to sepa- 
rate me from the love of God which is in Christ 

** Strong in the Lord of hosts, 
Ana in his mighty power ; 
Who in the strength of Jesus trusts 
Is more than conqueror." 

Oct. 13th. I got but little sleep last night, but 
my soul rejoices in prospect of that rest that 
remains to the people of God. Last evening 
some of our brethren and friends, who, iii con- 
sequence of their removal, have been absent a 
long time, met at our house for prayer. The 
Lord be praised for all his mercies to us ! I do 
not expect to see them again till we meet be- 
fore the throne of God, — 

** Where vre shall see, and hear, atid know, 
All we ddsired or wish'd below ; 
And every power find sweet employ, 
In that eternal world of joy." 

Oct. 20th. What shall I render unto the Lord 
for all his blessings ? How are his mercies 
multiplied, " fast as the minutes gently roll !" 
My health has been so far restored that I have 
been able to walk to brother Cook's. It is the 
Lord's doing, and quite marvellous in ray eyes ! 
Seventeen years ago to-day I joined the Me- 
thodist society in this place, and I rejoice that 
I am still a member. I feel an increasing at- 
- tachment to the people, as well as to the doc- 
trine and discipline of our church. Indeed, I 
am more and more convinced, every day, that 
• if no other doctrine were 'pnceucYie&^^DBub ^os^^ 


would soon be converted to God. Sinners 
would see the propriety of the gospel system, 
and, instead of disputing about creeds, or ex- 
cusing themselves on the ground of divine pre- 
destination, would hear with attention the glad 
news of salvation, repent with a godly sorrow 
for sin,*believe with. the heart unto righteous- 
ness,., fear God and keep his commandments, 
and thus secure to themselves an interest in the 
kingdom of God. So would the earth be full 
of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters 
cover the sea. Lord, hasten it in its time ! Amen 
and amen ! 

29th. To-day, blessed be God, I have been 
able to meet my brethren in his sanctuary. In 
class I felt the quickening influences of the 
Holy Spirit, and rejoiced that I was again per- 
mitted to enjoy so great a privilege. Several 
have been added since I last attended meeting, 
and two gave in their names to-day. O that 
we may be helps ta each other, endure to the 
end, and meet in heaven at last ! 

November 5th. Another precious season in the 
sanctuary of God. Surely ** a day in his courts 
is better than a thousand." This evening in 
secret.prayer I was greatly blessed, and the cry 
of my heart was, " O Lord, revive thy work !" 
I feel the great necessity of being in a state of 
constant preparation to depart this life, fully 
conscious that " in such an hour as we think 
not, the Son of man cometh.*' Last night the 
Lord took one of our near neightoo\a^^^<2k^^ 'cJA^ 
Mrs, Pierce, to himself. Hex ^xx^etWi^^^ ^«^^ 


great, but she endured them patiently, so that 
death to her was no unwelcome messenger. 

Dec. 17th. I heard brother Bowen preach 
on, " Why stand ye here all the day idle ?" 
The word was with power, and I felt much re- 
proved for having done so little for GrQ^a^^ ^^^ 
precious cause. In the course of his reniarks 
the preacher observed something like this : — 
" The worst and most trying affliction the child 
of God can have here, is worth more than all 
the pleasures of the wicked." Such having 
been my own views for years, I thanked God 
with an audible voice : and, O, what unuttera- 
ble sweetness filled my soul ! With great plea- 
sure and satisfaction I heard the word again in 
the evening. 

I have been able to attend two or three prayer 
meetings of late. At one 6f them we were so 
much disturbed by some of the sons of Belial, 
that our brethren thought best to have recourse 
to the law: two young men were fined five 
dollars each, and several others, on promising 
amendment, were dismissed. 

Dec. 22d. In consequence of my room under- 
going certain repairs, I have writtien very little 
during the last twd or three weeks. The time 
has, however, passed away very pleasantly. 
My health continues to improve, and I have 
made some profitable visits. I spent a day 
with cousin Harriet S., who appears to be 
hastening to the grave with consumption : but 
she maintains her integrity, «.iid holds fast her 
conSdence in God. 'VfW tih wti«^^;^^ 


consolation this to her pious and widowed 
mother ! 

When my room was completed, and my 
things put in order, I began to be seriously im- 
pressed that it was my duty to resume my pen. 
But the weather being rather cold, I excused 
myself, just as every sinner does when con- 
vinced of his duty: he means to repent, but 
takes his own time : thus I continued to defer 
what I ought to have done immediately. Be- 
sides, the cross of writing under the observation 
of the family rose like a huge mountain before 
me, while temptations came in like a flood. 
Not that I had any doubts respecting my duty, 
nor had I any intention of deferring it only for 
a very short time. ^ But it appeared to me that 
should my parents question me on the subject 
of my writing, as very possibly they might, I 
could not muster confidence enough, so imper- 
fect had been ray life, to tell them the exact 
nature of my employment. Indeed, rather than 
do this I thought I would be willing to be con- 
fined to my room, if I could make such entries 
in my journals as I wished without their know- 
ledge. What surprising indiscretion ! A little 
past noon, the same day, I was violently seized 
with the prevailing epidemic ; so that for three 
weeks I have not been able to leave my room, 
or scarcely to make the least addition to my 
manuscript. This affliction has been a deep 
lesson of instruction to me, and I hope by the 
grace of God to learn wisdom from the thvcv^ 
I hare siiiTered. Though Ihax^ ^^%^\N^\^s^.^ 


frowns, the liOrd is still good to rae. It may 
be called superstition, but I am fully impressed 
that had I obeyed the iponitions of the Holy 
Spirit I should have been spared this tedious 
fit of sickness ; yet 

** PardonM for all that I have done ! 
My mouth as in the dust I hide ; 
And glory give to God alone, — 
My God for ever pacified.*^ 

O when I look at self and sin, I cannot but 
admire the wonderful condescension of my 
adorable Redeemer ! He, indeed, is not wiUing 
that any should perish, but that aU should come 
to the knowledge of the truth, and be saved. 
How often have I heard his voice, saying, in 
distinct and gracious accents, "This is the 
way; walk ye in it !" Still he whispers "peace" 
to my troubled soul, and permits me to antici- 
pate the day when I shall be delivered from 
every clog and hinderance. Then, blessed be 
God, disease shall no longer prey upon " this 
frail frame, — this child of dust ;" but " all im- 
mortal," I shall be for ever with the Lord. 
Rejoice, then, O my soul, amidst all thy suffer- 
ings and trials. A little longer, and it will not 
be said, " Arise, and bear thy cross and follow 
me ;" but, " It is enough, enter thou into the joy 
of thy Lord." The prospect brightens ; faith 
looks through the vista, and descries the hea- 
venly city, the home of the way-worn wander- 
er/ / shall soon be there. 


" Courage, my soul, on God rely, 
Deliverance soon will come ; 
A thousand ways has Providence 
To bring belidvers home." 

January 19th, 1827. I have been more unwell 
for a few days past, but feel no disposition to 
complain. Indeed, I sometimes wonder that 
the Lord deals so kindly with me. After 
mfany prayers and tears I have ventured to open 
my burdened mind to my father on the subject 
of my diary, and have fotmd much relief. What 
an invaluable blessing is parental instruction, 
when seasoned with grace ! So highly do I 
esteem this previous gift, bestowed by Heaven, 
that I know not how to find language with 
which to express my sense of gratitude ; and 
can only say, " Bless the Lord, O my soul !" 
May the Lord help me to profit by every mercy, 
and to learn humility from every chastise- 
ment ! 

A short time since, being asked by my mother 
what I would have to eat ? I replied, " Why do 
you always ask me that question ? Bring me 
what you think proper, and nothing further is 
necessary.'* But this morning my sister brought 
me what I judged improper in my present state 
to receive. My mother soon brought me some 
toast, and I could not help, now and then, drop- 
ping a tear of gratitude, when I reflected up&n 
the kindness of my friends. I am sick so 
much, I was led to wonder that they have so 
much patience with me, though I do not\.tA 
be difficulty or make any moie VtoxiJ^^ "^mwn. Sa^ 


Strictly necessary. O that they may be blessed 
with " a hundred-fold in this world, and in the 
world to come with life everlasting !" 

Feb. 4th. My bodily strength increases slowly, 
while my spiritual strength is renewed day by 
day. I feel much inward peace and joy, and 
find much pleasure in meditating on the doctrine 
oF Christian holiness. The Lord often farours 
me with his quickening Spirit in secret prayer ;^ 
and, of late, I have felt my -heart more drawn 
CHit for the conversion of sinners in this place 
than for some time before. My parents are 
now at meeting, and my sisters have gone on a 
journey ; so that I am left quite alone to-day. 
But Christ is with me ; and surely this is *' so- 
litude sweetened." 

*' My constant companion ; 
O may we ne'er part ! 
All glcMry to Jesus — 
He dwells in my heart !" 

5th. When my parents returned from meet- 
ing, they told me that a young man stayed in 
class who appeared resolved to seek religion. 
Recollecting the exercises I had for him the 
night before, though wholly ignorant of the 
state of his mind, 1 could not retrain from tears. 

dth. Blessed be God, the young man named 
above has passed from death unto life. Though 
more than a mile from him, I was engaged in 
secret prayer for his salvation ; and from the 
best calculation I can make, it was at the very 
time of my intercession that Grod spoke peace 
to Jus soul ! May I be ei^covav^^ n^ ^^ "GiiQ^ 


only " instant," but earnest " in prayer." Last 
evening the young man in question went to 
meeting, and publicly acknowledged what God 
had done for him ; so that when my father re- 
turned, he said, " D. is happy in the Saviour." 
O that this may be only as a drop before a 
plentiful . shower ! Sometimes I think I have 
faith to believe that it will be so : at other 
times L am less confident ; but still cannot give 
it up wholly. Souls are infinitely precious, 
and I am resolved to continue interceding till 
the day*8tar from on high visit us. I^ord, help 

20th. Last night a very melancholy casual- 
ty occurred. The house of Mr. Staunton 
caught fire, and he, returning to get something 
out, perished in the flames ! Three females 
barely escaped with their night clothes ; and, 
after drawing water some time, to extinguish 
the flames, and finding their efforts fruitless, 
walked nearly half a mile through the storm 
and snow to the nearest neighbours ! Though 
they were so badly frozen as to render their 
recovery doubtful, they have since been re- 
stored to their wonted health. 

24th. Dear cousin Harriet is no more. The 
hearse has just passed with her lifeless remains, 
followed by a numerous train of relatives and 
friends. She held fast her faith firm and un- 
shaken, from the day of her conversion to the 
moment of her death ; and, except in one in- 
stance, when confused by the pazzliu^ uvtAxxcv* 
gntoriee of the Rev. Mr. , \v^^ ^^ ^"^"^ 


unclouded ; and even then the reading of a sin- 
gle chapter from the precious Bible cleared up 
her spiritual horizon. On the morning of her 
death she was. asked if she did not think she 
was dying ? She said she did not knoifir. And 
when her mother told her it was thought she 
was, she looked very pleasantly, and said, 
" Well, I don't know but I may as well go this 
morning as at any time." About two o'clock, 
P. M., she sweetly passed away, in the nine- 
teenth year of her age. Little did I think. last 
autumn she would be taken first ; but the Lord 
knows what is best. She was doubtless ripe 
for glory, and at the most suitable time God 
took her to himself. As for myself, I feel that 
my work is not fully done : I must work a little 
longer ; and I expect to see sinners awakened 
and converted in this place before I am called 

28th. Have enjoyed my mind remarkably 
well for a few days past, and my health also; 
I have been able to read a little, write some, 
and wrestle fervently in private prayer; and 
have obtained many blessings. But to-day I 
have found but little comfort in either, being 
often tempted to think I am foolish in writing 
so much. I can, however, appeal, to the 
Searcher of hearts for my sincerity; never 
having been influenced by any one. The 
praise or the dispraise of the world is nothing 
to me ; I act solely from a conviction of duty. 
Did I think God would be equally pleased, I 
ivould drop my pen and use w\i«x\lv\^ ^ttvck^ 


I have in some other employment. But this, 
with my present light, I dare not do. God of 
wisdom, guide my erring footsteps ! 

March 17th. I am not in the least discouraged 
in trying to serve God, nor in praying for a 
revival of his work, though as yet there seems 
to be but little to encourage faith. Satan ap- 
pears to reign in this place, and the enemies 
of the cross to triumph. A week ago last Sun- 
day evening a man disturbed the prayer meet- 
ing, and was yesterday taken before the magis- 
trate. But though several substantial witnesses 
appeared against him, the justice cleared him, 
because, forsooth, they did not know that his 
motives were evil ! I really want to see my 
brethren, to encourage them to stand fast ; for it 
does appear to me that the triumphing of the 
wicked will be short* 

22d. It is four years to-day since my brother 
J. died. Little did I then think I should so 
long survive him. But so it is, and I bless God 
for it. I am still exposed to " the fiery darts" 
of the enemy, and encompassed with many 
trials, though not for a single moment forsaken 
of my God. No : I feel an unusual attachment 
to his cause and people ; and though for months 
I have enjoyed little of their society, yet I trust 
I am preparing to meet them in glory. ^ 

Last evening my sister £. was married to 
Mr. Irish. After the ceremony, brother Har- 
mon read to them an address* I had previously 

* The addrew was published, ««>oiv «».^w,'\^ N^^^3«c«r 
tian Advocate and Journal. — Ed. 


written for the occasioa ; — an address that had 
cost me many tears and several wakeful hours. 
But after I had delivered it to brother H., and 
retired for meditation and prayer, I was singu- 
larly blessed of God ; and am still kept in per-, 
feet peace. I should indeed be glad if I could 
do a little good while I live ; and my constant 
prayer to God is, that he would direct and 
keep me in the way where I shall be most use- 
ful. O God, thou knowest that my strength is 
weakness and my wisdom folly ; therefore ex- 
tend to me thy guiding and supporting hand ! 

Sunday, April 8th. Blessed^be Grod for the 
inestimable privilege of meeting my brethren 
in the place of worship ! Sixteen weeks ' con- 
finement has not weaned my affections from 
him or his. dear people. Brother Harmoii 
preached on Rom. vi, 23, " But now being 
made free from sin," &c. What a privilege for 
the people of God ! O, that we may assert our 
rights and maintain our lofty distinction ! We 
had a good time in class, though I think I have 
seldom seen religion at so low an ,ebb in our 
place. Of this the brethren seem to be pain- 
fully sensible, and resolve to pray for the revi- 
val of it. O that we may indeed " have our 
fruit unto holiness," that "the end" may be 
" everlasting life !" 

22d. Heard brother Allen preach from 2 

Chron. iii, 3 : " Now these are the things 

wherein Solomon was instructed for the bujid- 

ing of the house of God." After giving a jSiii- 

torical account of this magiu&ccTDX \)\»\d2kSv%^)BA 


proceeded to remark, that the glory of that 
house, however great, was nothing when com- 
pared with the glory of that *^ house not made 
with hands, eternal in the heavens." Trans- 
porting thought ! Is it possible that / shall ever 
become one of its inmates ? Surely if so un- 
worthy a creature may hope to get there — ^and 
I believe I shall — none need despair who will 
seek an interest in Christ. But it is " grace" 
that " reigns through righteousness unto eter- 
nal life.'' Yes, the last stone in the spiritual 
edifice is to " be brought forth with shoutings 
of grace, grace unto it." 

April 30th. I Was taken very ill on the 25th 
instant, and though bleeding and blistering 
have afforded me some relief, still my fever is 
very high, and I breathe with great difficulty. 
Not long after I was taken, as I lay upon my 
bed, thinking, as did my friends, that this was 
my last sickness, it occurred to me that I had 
often prayed God to direct me in the way and 
keep me in the place where I should be the 
most useful. Immediately this inquiry aroso 
in my mind, How can I be useful now, unless it 
be by exemplary patience under my afflictions, 
and by encouraging my Christian friends, when 
they come to see me, " to stand fast in the 
liberty wherewith Christ hath made them free." 
I am not able even to write a word, and it is a 
matter of doubt when I shall attempt it again. 
Dear cousin Eliza writes me thus : 

•* * I read, and work, andX^^ax^— -'WtaX 'OossckX 
/read, and wqiiA^, au^— ^3BUdL«.^li^^ 


Thas I live. I see no new faces, nor do I wish 
to ; but the countenance of an old friend is always 
agreeable. A letter, too, is very wdcome, and I 
receive none with greater pleasure than yours>" 
This led me to contrast my situation with hers ; 
and if the expression be allowable, I would say, 
"The goodness of the Lord passed before me ;" 
bringing into grateful remembrance the social, 
domestic, and religious privileges I have been 
permitted to enjoy. I thought of the great 
kindness of my friends in waiting upbn me in 
the time of sickness, and of the somewhat sin- 
gular circumstance, that my little pecuniary re- 
sources should hold out like the widow's cruise 
of oil ; so that I have always had enough to 
pay my physician, and to give something for 
the support of the blessed gospel, as well as to 
procure any little article of comfort demanded 
by my peculiar circumstances. And yet my 
means are not exhausted! A plan of useful- 
ness was immediately suggested to my mind. 
I thought, I will take a little of what I have, 
and when my friends come to see me, I will 
ask them to give a little, and thus I shall obtain 
enough to procure the Christian Advocate and 
Journal for Eliza ; and the variety which it con- 
tains may do more good than I could were I to 
live and write an age : and then there are three 
families that may possibly be benefited by the 
perusal. Accordingly I set about the work, 
and before night I had twelve shillings deposit- 
ee/ in my little treasury. Not long after my 
brother W., who is not a proieasat oH tc^^'^xv^ 


came to see me. When he inquired respect- 
ing my health, I told him I thought I should 
not live long, and asked him if I might expect 
to meet him in heaven. Tears gushed from 
his eyes, and a stream issued from my own. 
Though he^knew nothing of the above plan, he 
gave me a small sum, and said that but for a 
payment he had to make he would give me 
more. I thanked him, and told him I had 
all I needed. ' How true are the words of the 
wise man : "He that hath pity upon the poor 
lendeth unto the Lord ; and that which he hath 
given will he pay him again !" I soon obtained 
enough to procure the paper, and to pay the 
postage ; some twelve or thirteen contributing 
from four to fifty cents each. And should 
cousin E., or any other person, receive any 
benefit from the perusal of so valuable a paper, 
I hope they will give God the praise for em- 
ploying so feeble an instrument. 

•May 8th. Much more comfortable in health 
than I was a week since. For two nights I 
have rested quietly, and have been able to set 
up considerably this afternoon. How myste- 
rious are the ways of Providence toward me, 
and yet how just and kind ! They lead me to 
much self-examination and prayer ; and I do 
really feel that I love God with all my heart. 
O how I long that my dear brethren and sisters 
may feel the importance of so loving him ; and 
what an anxiety I feel for the salvation of poor 
sinners around me, and e«pec\a5^?j tdtj Xs^^'^^^ 
William and his dear comv8kXi\o\\\ '\\i^\s«K.^^'^ 


of my prayer, like that of the prophet Habak 
kuk, is, " O Lord,reAdve thy work!" We hsf* 
had some dear friends to visit us from the stat 
of Ohio— old soldiers of the cross — and it wa 
really pleasing as well as encouraging to hoa 
them tell of the battles they had fought and th< 
victories they had won >' through the dea 
might of Him who walketh the wave." Bii 
they are gone, and we shall probably see then 
no more till we meet in heaven. 

" O happy, happy place, 

"Wnere saints and angels meet ; 
There we shall see each other's face ; . . 
And all our brethi;en greet." 

May 20th. My health has improved slowl] 
every day till yesterday: the night before '. 
got very little rest. But I found it sweet U 
meditate on that rest that remains to the peo 
pie of God. I rejoice that Satan does not hav< 
dominion over me, and that I am not under. th< 
law, but under grace. O what a sweet word— 

" GRACE !" 

25th. To-day I walked into the garden 
What a praise-inspiring season, when all nature 
is in bloom ! I, however, shall not attempt U 
describe it : all I can do is to love and admin 
the Author. In consequence of the local preach 
ers' conference setting here, we have had the 
opportunity of seeing several of the trayellui§ 
preachers. Our old and valued friend, brothei 
Giles, gave us a very pleasing account of the 
work of God anK)ng his people at the New- 
york Mills station, and a yery «ffeG\\Ti% V>aMiir 


of the death of a local preacher by the name of 
Mushpratt, who, by having his hand caught in 
the machinery of a cotton factory, had his arm 
completely severed from his body ! He lived 
only a few hours, but died in peace. Brother 
P. i did not expect to see; but we had a 
pleasant little interview ; and when he addreM- 
ed the throne of grace on our behalf, I believe 
every- one present felt what the disciples did 
when Jesus said, *^My peace I give unto you ; 
my peace I leave with you." 

Two weeka ago last evening we had preach*- 
ing at our house, but I was too ill to leave my 
bed. Last evening I was able to sit up and 
hear father Newman* preach from Psa. xxiii, 4, 

* The Rev. Jonathan Newman, by many regarded as 
" the apostle of Methodism" to a large portion of the 
now Oneida Conference. Certain it is, that few others in 
these parts have formed more circuits and societies, or 
have been instrumental in leading more souls to the Sa- 
viour. His ^arly advantages were inconsiderable, and his 
language often coarse and imgranmiatical, and yet his im- 
passioned manner, joined to a kind of native eloquence, 
rendered hmi exceedingly popular with those who found 
their way into this wilderness at that early day. Vast 
crowds, considering the sparsenessof the population, every- 
where assembled to hear him. With an ever burning 
zeal, and with the most indomitable perseverance, he 
traversed trackless wilds, forded streams, was ejcposed to 
frosts and rains, slept in huts and hovels, lived on the 
coarsest fare ; in a word, suffered almost every thing but 
downright martyrdom — eind all, it i6 believed, to save souls 
from death and hell. He had his faults, and yet so many 
excellences, that many generations will probably pass 
away before his name will b© foTg<]^\AW. ^^ '^^^ ^^!^^\^^ 
to bia fathers a few years since . — -Yiii. 



" Though I walk through the valley and aha 
of death I will fear no evil/' &c. It w 
very comforting time to my soul, as I belie 
was also to others. Brother A. followed 
a very lively exhortation, and I felt as thov 
could willingly sit another hour and heai 
brethren speak of the wonders of redeei 

27th. Brother Ferguson and daughter, 
Dutchess county, have come to spend the 
bath with us. The former belonged to 
same society with my parents more than tb 
five years ago, and he says he still loves 
good old way. I listened with peculiar ] 
sure to several anecdotes which they re] 
respecting the early part of their pilgrioc 
but was most of all j3leased to hear them 
" God is still with us." When all had goi 
the house of God^ I prayed several times .: 
special blessing, but did not feel satisfied, 
was often tempted to think I should not b 
happy to-day as I frequently am when 
alone. Fatigued, I laid me down, mediti 
on the blessings already bestowed, and "4 
was aware," the Spirit descended in over| 
ering efiiisions; so that I was constrainc 
cry out, alone as I was, " Glory to God ! I '. 
been blest, I am blest, and I shall be bU 
O the unutterable fulness I now felt in a 
viour's love ! Praise thou the Lord, O 

June 25th. I have lived to collect my in 
feet memoranda together, ^om^xXuxi^'vcivJcift 


of a journal, for which I feel uafeignedly 
thankuil to God, being satisfied in my conscienco 
that so far / have done my duty. My health 
continues to improve ; so tnat I was able yes« 
terday to meet with the people of God in the 
house of worship, and found it a precious sea- 
son to my soul. In prayer meeting the scene 
was to me deeply solemn and affecting, and 
especially when I noticed every eye fixed on 
me as one snatched from the very brink of the 
^ave. A smil redeemed demands a life of 
praise; and especially from one who has so 
many times been rescued, when, to all human 
appearance, death was inevitable. But, after 
all, I am an unprofitable servant ! And yet I feel 
that I liaye near access to the throne of grace, 
and think I have faith to believe that God 
will revive his work among us. " I do believe ; 
Lord) help thou mine unbelief." 

Sunday, July 28th. In consequence of my pa- 
rents attending the camp meeting at Rome, I 
have no way to get to meeting Sxis morning. 
But the Lord deals with me in great mercy, 
and I have had a time of refreshing in waiting 
upon him. O for more of that divine influence 
which quickens the soul into a holy flame ! 


My soal shall then, like thine, 
. Abhor the thing unclean ; 
And, sanctified by grace divine. 
For ever cease from sin !" ' 

In the evening the young people assembled at 
our house for prayer meeting, and it was a tita^ 
of great peace and comfoxV lo Q\xi ^wi\a» ^\>a^ 


a blessing ! deprived as I am of the privilege of 
going to the house of God, my brethren come 
and pra7 with and for me. O that we may all 
drink deeper and deeper into the spirit of 
holiness ! 




July 29lh, 1827. My brothers and sisters 
were all at home last evening, and we had a very 
agreeable visit. It was to me highly gratifying 
to behold our aged parent at the' close or our 
visit and of the day, though in feeble health, 
bowing before the King supreme, and cranng 
a blessing upon us before we' separated. My 
dear cousins, with whom I went to Sullivan 
last autumn, having made us a very pleasant 
visit, took their leave this morning. It was not 
till just before we parted that one of them (the 
doctor) answered the questions I had some time 
before proposed to him in writing, namely: 
" Have you regenerating grace ? Are you living 
up to your prinlege ? Have you aft abiding 
evidence of your acceptance with God?" And 
I am sorry to say, his mind was too deeply in- 
volved in doubts and mysteries to answer in 
the affirmative. God of truth and love, shine at 
once upon his mind and heart ! 
/ have felt both quickened and reproved un- 
der the preaching of the vroii by \wo^« ^ w- 

MEMOIR or i.rrv rJicFiARDs. 149 

thing to-day, and I hope God will yet revive 
his work among us. We had a very good 
prayer meeting in the afternoon, and appear- 
ances were decidedly more encouraging. 

Aug. 20th. Yestetday I went to meeting, and 
it was rather an encouraging time. O that wo 
all felt the importance of coming out from the 
spirit, and practice, and love of the world! 
How would religion then prosper among us ! I 
am afraid, however ,^ there are but few steady 
travellers to Zion in this place : but my un- 
ceasing prayer is, that I may be one of the 
number ; so that afler an honourable discharge 
from this state of trial, I may safely reach the 
hill of Zion. O welcome day ! O sweet re- 
lease ! O thrice blessed rest ! To be where 
God is, and share for ever the bliss of his 
heaven-inspiring smiles ! " My soul kindles at 
the thought." 

Brother and sister Higgins have been to see 
us, and last evening we had a most precious little 
family prayer meeting. When I consider the 
blessings I enjoy, my grateful soul inquires, 
" What shall I render unto the Lord for all his 
benefits ?" And if it be not that I render soul 
and body a living sacrifice to him really, I have 
not found out what it is. But with this I know 
he is well pleased ; and, since he alone is wor- 
thy of my undivided affections, I feel resolved 
from this hour to resign them unto him. 
Blessed Saviour, I would be thine evermore ! 

Sept. 4th. My health ha« TVOlb^e?5\%^ ^^skA^^^ 
eight months past aa it \b «X \Jt^%«^- X^^vav 


day I not only sat up all day, but walked to a 
neighbour's and made a visit. Although I daily 
feel deep gratitude to my heavenly Father, I 
am afraid I do not live Answerably to the mer- 
cies received. I would do a little for Him who 
has done so much for me. At times my mind 
is solemnly exercised respecting the duties that 
lie before me. £ hope, however, so to trust in 
God and hang upon his promise^ as to^be fully 
prepared to meet any event or call of his pro- 

23d. Health greatly improved. Brother and 
sister Worthing stayed with us last night ; sis- 
ter W., in particular, appears very zeiedoUs in the 
cause of Christ. We had a good class meeting 
to-day, at which I felt that promise verified : 
" Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be 
comforted." I mourned that I had so little reli- 
gion, and was comforted with an increase. 

Oct. 8ih. How astonishing is the gooducss 
of God to me, a frail worm of the dust ! Yes- 
terday forenoon I went to prayer meeting, and 
in the afternoon heard brother Coston, of the 
Ohio Conference, preach on Rom. vi, 21, 
" What fruit had ye then in those things where- 
of ye are now ashamed ?" &c. The discourse 
was strikingly applicable to the congregation, 
and I pray God that it may have its proper 
effect. I think I have made a little advance- 
ment in the Christian course the week past, and 
O that I may make still greater progress during 
the one already commenced ! 
Yesterday 1 finished reading Di, k.OWW* 


Commentaiy on the Holy* Bible, and it has been 
to me, in many instances at least, what he de- 
signed it should be to his readers, namely, " A 
help to a better understanding, of the sacred 
writings." For this inestimable blessing I 
thank God ; but how much more remains to be 
learned ^ I feel deeply sensible I hiEive not 
made that improvement which I might, and 
hope I shall be more diligent in future. '' Search 
the Scriptures," is the direction of an infallible 
Teacher : and O that I may do it in a proper 
spirit, so that I may be guided into all truth ! I 
have also perused most of Messrs. Wesley and 
Fletcher's writings, and feel no hesitancy in 
saying, I am a, Methodist. O that I may be 
** an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no 
guile !" 
.12th. I experimentally prove that 

** Labour is rest, and pain is sweet, 
Wlien thoa, ,my God, art here/* 

Although I am not entirely free from pain, yet 
moderate exercise is exceedingly pleasant. I 
have this week performed the first day's work 
that I have attempted the present year, 1827. 
Often has ray grateful heart adored the great 
Redeemer for his unparalleled mercies. I owe 
much of my present health, under divine Provi- 
dence, to early rising and the use of a few sim- 
ple remediQ3. But how my mind is exercised ! 
Are all these things mere imagination? Or 
will they indeed prove .realities ? Can I not, 
ought I not to be as willing to give ug all for 
the sake of Jesus, as 1 w«lb ^\ke^\i «vOLv^V;«h^ 



all and go to him ? But what have I done for 
him and his precious cause ? Far too little, if 
indeed I have done any thing at all. Should I 
recover my health I hope, to be more exten- 
sively useful. But I must stop : my mind is 
depressed : O for grace ! Lord Jesus, do thou 
My^e^ direct me, and then all will be well. 

15th. Yesterday I attended meeting at the 
Sauquoit church. We had a precious season ia 
love-feast. The Lord is reviving his work in 
that place ; some have already been copvertied, 
and others are inquiring their way to Zion-. 
Brother Parker preached a very good sermon 
on, '* The redemption of their soul is precious, 
after which we had the privilege of approach- 
ing the table of the Lord. Blessed privilege 
indeed ! The old veterans of the cross mani-^ 
fested much joy in seeing me once more. I 
was much affected — returned home with a 
severe headache, and, much fatigued, retired 
early to rest. To-day 1 feel quite refreshed,, 
sou] and body, and tlunk I have sustained no 
injury in consequence of attending the meeting. 
21st. I would bless God for the great privi- 
lege of meeting with his people to-day. Bro- 
ther Bowen preached on, ^' Wilt thou be made 
whole ?" He showed first our moral disease, 
and then the practicability of a perfect cure. I 
rejoice in an inward testimony that J have been 
made free from the law of sin and death ; and 
now feel the Spirit of adoption, whereby I am 
enabled to cry, " Abba, Father." 
Sunday^ Dec. 2d. TYie a^v^wrexiQ^ qIVpn^^y 


Fairbank, as he entered the chapel to-day, af- 
fected me much; for in consequence of a white 
swelling in one of his limbs^ he is obliged to 
go on crutches. His discourse from, ** The 
end of all things is at hand," was very solemn 
and impressive. Thank God, my treasure lies 
beyond perishable substances. In the evening 
brother Barnes preached on, *' God be merciful 
to me, a sinner ;" but in consequence of a 
severe headache, I realized but little good. 
After we retuped home, however, when bro- 
ther B. engaged most earnestly in prayer for 
us, my heart began to feel. O how tenderly 
did he entreat the Lord to be gracious to us, 
and especially my unconverted brother; and 
how ardently did he pray for his own children, 
and those of brother F. ! Surely Grod will hear 

Dec. 12th, a day set apart by our state execu- 
tive for public thanksgiving. Brother B. was 
to preach on the occasion, and aid in the forma- 
tion of a missionary society : but he disappoint- 
ed us. As however I had engaged to do what 
I could toward promoting the last-named ob- 
ject, I read a little piece I had written on the 
subject of missions, whichj I trust, was produc- 
tive of some good. After meeting, my brothers 
and sisters came home, so that we were once 
more all together under the paternal roof. 
We had several prayers before we parted, and 
closed the day in a spirit somewhat correspond- 
ing to the object for which it was set ai^axU 
Thanks be aiito God for a\\ \L\a TOStcv^^\ 


20th. I went to see a young man who had 
been some time sinking under an incurable con- 
sumption. But bow was I surprised on being 
met at the door by a friend, who said, '* Russel 
is dead!'' Monday he walked to the bam; 
yesterday ate a hearty breakfast with his friends ; 
and before six o'clock in the evening he was a 
lifeless corpse ! We tnist, however, he rests in 
peace. "What is your life? It is even a vapour, 
that appeareth for a little time, and then van- 
isheth away." . ■ ^ 

Sunday evening, Dec. 30th. I have been so 
afflicted of late, that for several days it has 
been with the greatest difficulty I have walked 
from one room to another. But, .1 bless 
God, my. soul has been filled with peace ; a 
sweet unutterable peace. How good the Lord 
is ! for while he afflicts with one hand, he 
upholds and comforts with the other : and how 
thankful I ought to be that I can use my pen ! 
While engaged in this delightful employment, 
writing letters to friends, or committing my 
thoughts on some religious subject to paper, 
hours of extreme pain have, passed rapidly 
away, which might otherwise have hung heavi- 
ly upon my hands. O, if what 1 record in so 
imperfect a manner is rendered a blessing to 
my own soul, how can I do otherwise than 
breathe a tearful prayer, that into whose hands 
soever these pages may chance to fall, the 
same pleasure may be realized in reading them 
that has been felt by me in writing ! 
Jan. 2d, 1 828, 1 bless God iW \ «ssk ts^red 

M^^l'>[R or n kv ];:< hard^^. 15.3 

to see the commencement of another year. 
Yesterday I bad many s<^enin and {nrofitable 
reflections, bat much company forbade my 
noting them down. My bomly afflictions 
seem to increase; and yet I feel I hare 
no occasion to complain : it might have been 
far worse with me than it is : therefore, " my 
heart shall rejoice, and sing aloud of mercy 
and judgment." Dear sister S. B. has been to 
see me : precious girl, how I love her, because 
she loves my Redeemer : Lord bless her, and 
prepare us to meet in heaven. 

18th. My afflictions continue to be very op- 
pressive. I have many restless hours, day and 
night, which call for the exercise of every 
Christian grace. So im]>erfect am I by nature, 
and so prone to evil, that I am sometimes sorely 
tempted to fear my patience will not hold out. 
I have, therefore, earnestly besought the Lord 
that he would not leave me in this time of trial ; 
for, under circumstances like these, what can 
feeble flesh do without supporting grace ? 
Surely nothing but complain. I have hitherto 
been blessed with a measure of this grace ; and 
will my heavenly Father, after having wrought 
out so many deliverances for me, now leave me 
to be overcome by the bufletings of Satan ? 
No, he will not: and I rejoice to find upon 
close examination, that, notwithstanding all 
my imperfections, my confidence in the divine 
Redeemer remains unshaken . Yes, " grace still 
reigns through righteousness -" so thaxlvj^^^- 
aUed to "rejoice in hope otiVie ^ovj ^^^jw^'!^ 


Feb. 5th. Though, my health is much bettor, 
I am still quite feeble. At different times, with- 
in the last three or four days, I have experi- 
enced great depression of spirits ; owing, pro- 
bably, to nervous weakness. - But to-day I am 
considerably relieved, soul and body; my mind 
is perfectly clear, and I have enjoyed much 
sweetness of spirit, as well as fellowship with 
God's dear children — deacon Wilmot and wife, 
from the Black River country, and aunt W. 
We had a refreshing season in prayer. 

10th. Have been to meeting this afternoon, 
and heard brother Worthing preach. How liUle 
do people in general realize the blessing of 
health till deprived of it ! I have been confined 
to the house a little more than five weeks, and 
it will be eight to-morrow since I attended our 
society meeting. Daily experience proves 
that the present is a state of trial, in which we 
are subject to intellectual no less than physical 
infirmities. But the humble and devout Chris- 
tian looks forward to the day when he shall be 
delivered from terrestrial incumbrances, from 
earthly passions, from bodily infirmities, — in a 
word, from all " the nameless ills that flesh is 
heir to ;" and when he will be introduced into 
the paradise of God, with a soul and body so 
refined that both will be ineffably happy. Glo- 
rious anticipation ! With all my imperfections 
I cherish it. 

March 16th. My health has improved re- 

markably within the last ten days, and I have 

spent most of the Ume itv V\%\\kk^ BXfvos^^^ xtt^ 


relatives and friends. I have made many 
agreeable visits, and some that were not so 
profitable. The reason of the unprofitableness 
I am satisfied was, I did not give sufficient 
prominence to the all-important subject of per- 
sonal,heart-felt religion. For this delinquency 
I have felt reproved as well by my conscience 
as the word of God ; but have sought and found 
forgiveness ; and hope I shall never again be 
overtaken in a similar error. 

April 4th. Have just returned from my brother- 
in-law'cf, where I have spent nearly two weeks. 
When i was dangerously sick a year ago last 
fall, my sister £. was sitting by me ; and 
knowing she was much fatigued, and at the 
same time wishing to obtain some little favour, I 
said to her, " When I get well, and you are 
sick, I will wait upon you." She smiled ; but 
through the providence of God this has literally 
taken place. She was taken ill on the last 
day of March, and with the greatest imagina^ 
ble pleasure I have waited on her. How glad 
I am to return, even in the smallest measure, the 
kindness of my dear friends ! 

May 11th. Yesterday I had the great satis- 
faction of attending quarterly meeting at Sau- 
quoit, and of sitting with my old friends there 
in love-feast. I enjoyed great peace and com- 
fort, not a single cloud passing over my sky. 
Brother Barnes preached well, and I came home 
with a grateful heart. He also preached at 
our chapel, at five o'clock, on, " The end oC 8.11 
things ia at hand ; be ye fluexetexei vJ«i^\^^^^ 


watch unto prayer ;" noticing, first, the declara- 
tion ; and, secondly, the exhortation. It was a 
profitable season to my soul. 

How am I blest temporally and spiritually ! 
I have not enjoyed as good health at this sea« 
son of the year for five or six years past as I 
now do; while my peace continues like the 
flowing stream. I am thankful ; and though 
an unprofitable servant, hope my life has not 
been spared in vain. 

On Saturday last we held the first jbeeting of 
our female missionary society. This much I 
can say, ^' Hitherto the Lord hath helped us." 
I have collected nearly twenty dollars for the 
Indian mission, and hope the Lord will con- 
tinue to give his people the true spirit of Chris^ 
tian benevolence, so that the most ample pe- 
cuniary means may be furnished for the univer- 
sal spread of the blessed gospel of Christ. 

June 1st. Yesterday we had a sacramental 
occasion at good old father Addington's. He 
has long been confined at home through age 
and consequent infirmity, and has, of course, 
been deprived of this precious means of grace. 
It was indeed a refreshing season. Brother 
Worthing discoursed on Heb. i, 14, "Are they 
not all ministering spirits ?" &c. To-day I feel 
an increase of " faith, hope, and charity." My 
hope is indeed full of immortality ; and I doubt 
not that, if I am faithful to God, I shall receive 
a crown of life. O that health, strength, time, 
taleDts, — all I have, and all I am, may be devoted 
to the service of GodYveticetotO[i^\ASwt «^^tl 


Aug. 20th, a little before sunset. Hark! 
what is that I hear ? Ah, it is the bell of mor- 
tality : and has another fellow-mortal gone ? 
Yes, and a youth too, for the bell gives the 
number — seventeen. As we have heard of no 
one being sick, all is anxiety and inquiry. 
Whoever it is, he must have fallen suddenly a 
victim to the fatal archer. ******** 
Yes, the tidings have reached us, — dear sister 
Smith's son is no more ! He was threshing with 
horses upon a barn floor, and it is probable 
he received a blow from one of them which 
instantly deprived him of his existence ; for he 
was found a lifeless corpse^ Sister Smith is in 
very feeble health : dear woman, how must she 
feel ! She left our house since twelve o'clock, 
and was going to the place where her son 
lived : having made her visit there, she return- 
ed home, little suspecting that Carlton lay dead 
in the bam ! May ** the Hope of Israel and the 
Saviour thereof in the time of trouble" abun- 
dantly vouchsafe his supporting grace ! 

27th. A number of us went last evening to 
Dr. J.'s, with a view to take our leave of our 
good friends, father and mother Arnold and son. 
It was a season of great spiritual interest. The 
former part of the evening was spent in singing 
and prayer, and the latter in hearing the expe- 
rience of our reverend father. Truly it was 
good to be there : we wept and rejoiced at the 
loving kindness of Him who is head over all 
things unto the church. What hath God wrought 
in the Methodist connection svive^ ^\^ n<kw^\^- 



ble man first became a travelling preacher! 
Thousands, and even hundreds of thousands, 
have been brought to Christ ; and the glorious 
work still goes on. May it increase in geome- 
trical progression, till all the ends of the earth 
remember and turn unto the Lord ! 

Sept. 10th. Have just returned from visit- 
ing my dear friends at New-York Milb and 
Utica, and can say, that, for the m6st part, it 
has been a profitable season to my soul. Not 
only in my closet, but when bowing with my 
friends at the family altar, have I felt the con- 
soling influences of the divine Comforter ; es- 
pecially at brother* Giles's and Bushnell's. I 
have always found that my religious enjoyments 
are in exact proportion to my faith and obedi- 
ence, and that these very much depend on ha- 
bitual watchfulness and prayer. "Blessed is 
that servant whom, when the Lord coraeth, he 
shall find so doing." 

Nov. 11th. Within the last few weeks my 
mind has been much exercised in regard to the 
missionary cause : indeed, it has been more or 
less so ever since 1 read a communication from 
the Rev. William Case, in the Christian Advo- 
cate and Journal of April 14, 1827, in which he 
gives a deeply interesting account of the work 
of God among the Rice Lake Indians. He 
concludes by saying, " Here is a vast field 
open for benevolent exertions, but where are 
the labourers ? Who will glory in the privilege 
of teaching the rising generation the knowledge 
ofhtters, of salvation, axvd o^ Yv^vj^w'^T' \ wAA 


within myself, I would cheerfully do so had I 
health ; (being at -that time haxely able to walk 
from one room to another ;) but I have not, and 
probably never shall have. I immediately felt 
a check upon my mind, as if something said, 
" Don't say if I were able ; for it is not impos- 
sible but that God may restore you to health, 
in which case you will feel yourself obliged to 
go." I paused and thought, To be sure, it is 
not impossible, since " all things are possible 
with God ;" but it is not very probable. 

Soon after the above, being providentially di- 
rected to the use of certain simple medicines 
and nutritious drinks, my health began slowly, 
hut very perceptibly, to improve. So that, after 
some weeks, 1 asked my sistep one day to hand 
me her knitting ; (having given away my own, 
with other articles, expecting never to want it 
again ;) but I had scarcely taken the work in 
my hand before it powerfully occurred to me, 
that I had promised to give myself to the poor 
pagans, if my health were restored. Being 
almost overwhelmed with the recollection, I 
paused a moment, and tremblingly said, " O 
Lord, thou knowest what is best for me : if thou 
hast a work for me to do, thou wilt bless me 
with health and strength equal to its claims." 
I then dismissed the subject from my mind ; 
concluding not to trouble myself, at present, 
with a matter which appeared so much beyond 
my reach. Still these and kindred impressions 
followed me from time to time, as my health 
continued to improve, l\\\ tdnlc\v ^^^^'Ctfs^ 



brought me in some measure to realize the im 
portance of the work in prospect, as well as m] 
own unfitness for. it. These impressions s< 
weighed down my spirits and affected m] 
nerves, that, instead of gaining, I lost strength 
I again cried to the Lord, if he had a woric fo: 
me to do, to remove these distressing anxieties 
it being utterly impossible for me to get wel 
under so great a mental burden. I had. m 
sooner asked than it was done ; and for severa 
weeks, though I felt anxious for the prosperity 
of the missionary cause, I was perfectly eas} 
as to any personal duty. This very circum 
stance gave rise •to a new temptation ; for 
thought I, if the call be from Qod, how is it pos- 
sible for me to feel so easy about it ? Thus ] 
began to doubt whether the call were divine 
One morning as I was sweeping the carpet, anc 
thinking how much I had gained in health anc 
strength, my former promise occurred to m( 
with a force which language cannot describe 
when something seemed to say, "And hom 
that you are so much restored, can you doubi 
the genuineness of the call ? You may make 
what preparations you can, for it will yet be* 
come your solemn duty to go." I took the 
nearest chair, sat down tremblingly, and coulc 
hardly refrain from bursting into tears. 

I had settled with my physicians, and wac 

clear from debt ; but my means were exceed- 

ingly limited ; as I had not more than sever 

or eight jpUars left. Under a conviction, how 

ever, that God reqmxed me lio \o ^ A^^S^l m 


make such preparations as I couM, fully re- 
solved to follow the leadings of JProyidence. 

December 4th. A day set -apart for thanks- 
giving and prayer. Dear brother Jones preached 
to us in his good old style ; I mean the spirit 
and style of the gospel. He reminded us of 
many things that transpired when he was on 
the circuit before, and earnestly exhorted us to 
look for the same blessings. O that every hin- 
derance may be removed, and the set time to 
favour Zion soon come ! 

As for myself, though I feel I live too far be- 
neath my privileges, yet I have this day had 
strength from above to renew my covenant with 
God, and to look a^vay from my un worthiness 
to Him that taketh away the sin of the world. 
Yes, if I Jtnow my own heart, I still cherish an 
ardent desire both to know and do the will of 
my heavenly Father. Whenever or wherever 
he may qall, I hope cheerfully to obey ; even 
though it should be to leave my dear relatives, 
and go among the savage tribes of the wilder- 

February 18th. I have for nearly two weeks 
felt great depression of spirits, and' am fully 
persuaded it is my duty to open my mind to one 
of the preachers on the subject of my recent 
impressions. But having had no opportunity to 
do this, I have been sorely tempted to neglect 
. reading the word of God, and secret prayer, 
lest the light should shine so clearly, and the 
path of duty become so plain, ikaX \ twX^'w^N. 
misapprehend it ; and also to tYi!\iv\L^^\.Nx^^^^ 


involve so many and so great crosses that I could 
not bear them. Hitherto, however, I have been 
kept from yielding to the tempter, and still feel 
a desire to know and do the will of Grod. 

20th. To-day I have now and then had a 
gleam of hope that deliverance is at hand ; for 
the hymn beginning 

*' Give to the winds thy fears ; . 
Hope, and be undismay*d,^' 

has been almost constantly running through my 

22d. Dear brother Jones is with us. While 
drinking tea, the subject of missions was casu- 
ally introduced, when brother J. asked me if I 
should like to go on a mission to the Sandwich 
Islands ? My mother replied, ** She would 
much rather go to Canada." How she came 
to make this remark I cannot tell, unless it was 
because I had been somewhat active in forming 
a female missionary society, which specially 
contemplated aid to the Canada mission. Bro- 
ther Jones then asked me, if I thought I could 
live among the natives ? I told him, I did not 
know, but should try and see ! As soon as I 
had uttered these words, I was astonished that 
I had thus committed myself, but dared not 
apologize. The conversation soon took a dif- 
ferent turn, and there was no more said on the 
subject. I had often thought I would try to 
converse with my parents respecting it, but the 
cross was so heavy, my constitution so feeble, 
wjr sense of unwoTthineBB so ^©bx, vcAib^ y^.- 


adequacy to the duties involved presenting it- 
self in almost every possible point of view, I 
knew not how or where to begin. I now retired 
in secret, and with a broken heart besought the 
Lord to make my duty more fully known to me, 
and especially, if it were proper for me to con- 
verse with brother Jones, that he might ques- 
tion me in the presence of my parents respect- 
ing my exercises. One hour'after another pass- 
ed away, until I was sorely tempted because I 
had thus, exposed myself, and nothing further 
was said on the subject ; when, all of a sudden, 
brother Jones asked me, if I thought I could 
live as Miss Barnes* did ? I told him, 1 did 
not know what I: could do ; and was then almost 
choked with irrepressible emotion. At first the 
cross was nearly insupportable ; but, recovering 
myself a little, I proceeded to state some of my 
past and present exercises. Brother Jones told 
me if the way opened, I must be careful and 
not disobey the heavenly mandate. This, with 
the conversation that followed, afforded me 
some relief for a little season. But, alas ! my 
distress soon returned : I could neither eat, nor 
sleep, nor work as formerly. I tried to pray, 
but my mind was beclouded, and a sort of im- 
penetrable gloom seemed to hang upon the fu- 
ture. Still it appeared to me that I ought to be 
preparing, as if the whole question were settled, 
and yet I knew not that the way would ever 

♦ Now the wife of the Rev. William Oaso, the intrepid 
aiid eminently snccefiefal mitsskfcivrf VRtf^iv^ ^^ Tia^.>3^ 
tribea of Upper Canada. — Ed. 


open ! Why it was that I should feel thus dis-> 
tressed, when I was willing the Lord should do 
what seemed him good, I could not tell. I, 
however, promised the Lord that I would ad- 
vance when the way opened, and when it was 
closed, stand still ; and thus found relief to miy 
burdened mind. 

Some time in March I went to Utica on an 
errand connected With my proposed devotion to 
the cause of missions, wluoh led to another trial 
of my faith ; for I took a violent cold, which 
settled upon my lungs, and caused considerable 
inflammation ;- so tl^it for two or three weeks I 
was able to sit up but little. My- dear father 
now took occasion to ask me, how I thought L 
could endure an expedition to Canada,* if I 
could not even go to Utica without being made 
sick 1 Nor was I at all surprised at this ; for 
when I first opened my mind to him on the 
subject of going abroad, he said he could not 
think God would call one in my state to such a 
work. Without making any reply, I retired to 
my room, opened the book which I had so long 
found to be a light to my feet and a lamp to my 
path, and prayed for direction : that if I had 
been deceived in matters of so great import- 
ance, I might be undeceived : and if .other- 
wise, that every remaining doubt might be re- 
moved from my mind. Upon opening the pre- 

♦ I never felt any particular conviction that it would be 
my duty to go to Canada more than elsewhere, bat simply 
thai I ought to hold myself iu Tettdiness to go wherever 
P!rovidence mghi call me. — ^L. B,* 


cions volume, my eye at once fell upon Psalm 
xviii, 43, — " Thou hast delivered me from the 
people : and thou hast made me the head of the 
heathen : a people whom I have not known 
shall serve me : the strangers shall submit 
themselves unto me." Suflused with tears, I 
said, " It is enough, Lord ; I will do as thou 
hast commanded, and leave the event to thine 
unerring hand." From this time my health im- 
proved rapidly. 

April 18th. Have had another interview with 
brother Jones respecting my past exercises and 
present feelings, and it is but just to say, that 
his fatherly instructions and brotherly attentions 
have greatly endeared him to my heart. He 
will write to the superintendent of the Indian 
missions on my behjEdf : but what will be re- 
quired of me I know not. The Iiord has begun 
a good work among the Oneidas, and I must 
wait the openings of his providence. My great- 
est care is, and I trust ever will be, how I shall 
best please and glorify my heavenly Father. It 
is not so much where I am, what I endure, or 
how much I suffer, as it is to know, and do the 
divine will. I feel, however, my utter inability 
to do this, without assisting grace. To the 
Giver of every good and perfect gift, therefore, 
I look in the fulness of my soul. 





May IJLthy 1829. Have just returned from a 
quarterly ineeting held at Utica, where I saw 
several Indian converts, belonging to three dif- 
ferent tribes, namely, the Missisaugahs, the 
Mohawks, and the Oneidas, in company with 
brother Case, his wife, and Miss Barnes. It 
was indeed a very interesting sight, and their 
appearance as they entered the church affected 
me much. 

Last evening, Peter Jones, a principal chief 
belonging to theMissisaugahs,.preached in Eng- 
lish, from Acts xiii, 41, "Behold, ye despisers, 
and wonder, and perish : for I work a work in 
your days, a work which ye shall ii^ nowise 
believe, though a man declare it unto you." 
While introducing himself to the congregation, 
and before he had mentioned his text, an alarm 
of fire was given : a great part of the congre- 
gation rushed out; but soon returned, it being a 
false alarm. From this circumstance he took 
occasion to remind them of the judgment-day, 
when none could escape. In his remarks on 
the above singularly appropriate passage, he 
spoke of the work, the means, aiid the effects 
which the text brings to view. Pursuant to this 
general plan, he particularly noticed the work 
of the Spirit upon the human heart, enlighten- 
^'Jg, convincing, renovatvng, &c.V ^^ \sas«tfMa.- 


lies, as the means used by God to carry on this 
work; and the blessed effects produced by 
those means. '* Here," said he, pointing down 
to the altar, " is a sample before you : here are 
those who, a little while since, were wallowing 
in their filth and mire, ragged, and hungry, de* 
lighting in their drunken revels, and raising the 
bloody tomahawk over one another's heads. 
But what a change ! Their instruments of death 
are now thrown aside : they live in love ; and 
are anxious to have homes for their families, 
so that they may raise what will make them 
comfortable, and procure an education for their 
children." Had I not been assured otherwise, 
I should certainly have thought that the speaker 
had been favoured with an early English educa* 
tion. Surely, there is nothing too hard for God ! 
At this meeting I saw the Rev. Dan Barnes,* 
presiding elder of our district, and superintend- 
ent of the Oneida mission ; and, after much de- 
liberation and consultation, came to the conclu- 

* The Rev. Dan Barnes, long a prominent and influ- 
ential member of the Genesee and Oneida Conferences. 
Though his polpit talents were not of a high order, the can- 
did ai» reflecting seklom hoard him without profit. In argu- 
ment he was generally powerful and convincing. He was 
a man of much practical wisdom, and was considered by 
those who knew him best a safe counsellor. As a circuit 
preacher, presiding elder, and missionary, he rendered im- 
portant services to the church of Christ, and richly earned 
the reputation of her warm and steadfast friend. 

In 1836 he emigrated to the west, and became a mem- 
ber of the Michigan Conference. In August, 1840, he fell 
a victim to the prevailing fever, \u \.Vv^ fi^'^-^vrsJa. ^^-^ ^ 
bJ8 Mge. — Ed. 


sioD that I would engage as a teacher among 
t^e native Indians at Oneida, as soon as a suit- 
able house could be found ; feeling a sincere 
desire to enter, soul and body, into the work. 
Soon after this interview he csdled at our house, 
as he was going into the lower part of his 
charge, and said he knew not what arrangement 
to make in regard to my accommodation at the 
mission, as there was no white family in the 
neighbourhood with whom I <;ould board. On 
brother Barnes* return I proposed to board my- 
self, provided a suitable associate could be 
found, and he would consent to employ her. 
The plan pleased him, and I named sister Pa- 
tience Morey.. Providentially she Soon came 
along ; and when the proposition was made to 
her she readily consented, provided her parents 
were willing. They made no objection, and 
our arrangements were speedily completed. 
The same week brother Barnes went to Oneida, 
and engaged a room for us in the house of a 
respectable Indian widow; 

A camp meeting fot the Westmoreland cir- 
cuit was, soon after this, held in Augusta. Good 
order was maintained, and much good done. 
About thirty persons professed to experience a 
change of heart, probably one half of whom 
were natives from Oneida. On Monday morn- 
ing brother Barnes, employing an interpreter, 
introduced me to the native brethren as their 
school teacher ; and though I felt deeply hum- 
bled in view oi my unworthiness, joy and peace 
^Ued my soul. At this mee\^^l\^ xon^ 



conversation with Bishop Roberts and some of 
the preachers, respecting the great work 
which I was about to engage ; and the deep in* 
terest they manifested in the whole matter 
gready encouraged me. May I succeed an- 
swerably to their expectations, and do nothing 
to detract from their present estimation of my 
Christian character ! 

June 18th. Brother Eaton, wlio lives a few 
miles from the mission, came for us : but, as I 
had no idea of going so soon, I was hardly 
ready.- Besides, my father was quite ill, which 
made the trial still greater. But as sister 
Morey was ready, I hastily gathered my few 
things together, resting assured it was my duty 
to go : and notwithstanding the trial involved, 
I have been morer than compensated in the 
abundant peace and joy in the Holy Ghost 
with which I have been blest. We arrived at 
brother Eaton's just at evening, and were re- 
ceived in the most cordial manner by the whole 
family. Several Christian friends came, in to 
see us, and one who had visited our red bre- 
thren said, he had no doubt we should receive 
our reward as Vpe went along ; and so we have 
found it. Fervent prayers were offered in our 
behalf, and we retired early to rest: but the 
importance of the work before me so pressed 
upon ray mind, that I slept but little. We arose 
early the next morning, and after breakfast 
brother Eaton, accompanied by the Rev. bre- 
thren Halsteads, conveyed us to the mission ; 
whore we were receividd c^l& ^ifiAaxC^ > "^^ 



yet with great apparent cordiality. The house, 
^Qjiugh far enough from being either comforta- 
ble or convenient, was rather pleasantly located ; 
standing upon the side of a hill, and command- 
ing a pret^ good view of the beautiful village 
of Vernon, situated about three miles to the 
north of us. After our brethren had rendered 
us all the assistance they could, and being about 
to return, all present were invited into our room ; 
when Abraham Scanadore, the native class 
leader, addressed us through an interpreter, 
who spoke very poor English. He said, in 
substance, " We are all very glad you come to 
see us, and learn our children to^ read. We 
will do all we can to make you happy. Q, I 
can't talk much : want words^ don't know what 
to say : we want you to learn us every thing." 
I told him we gratefully accepted his kind in- 
tentions, and would try to do them all the good 
we could ; which seemed to please them much. 
We then united in a little prayer meeting, and 
a precious season it was to our souls. Soon 
after one of the females- presented us with some 
fresh strawberries, as if to express her grati- 
tude for having come to their place. 

About noon brother Barnes and brother S. 
Stone came with supplies for our table. We 
prepared them some dinner, when, after inqui- 
ring into our wants, they lefl us to arrange our 
domestic affairs, and prepare for the more im- 
mediate objects of our mission. Our condition 
ira.9 soQD sufficiently comfortable to inspire us 
lyith gratitude. Having loi%o\.\«ti \a ^^qsnas^ 



ourselves with candles, the venerable mother 
of the widow in whose house we lived gather- 
ed us some dry wood, which furnished, for the 
time, all the light we needed ; and being some- 
what fatigued, we retired to rest. Meanwhile 
the Indian part of the family went to an evening 
prayer meeting, held near by ;*and while the air 
was voca) with the voice of prayer and praise, we 
sweetly fell asleep. It was not long, however, 
before our repose was disturbed by the earnest 
devotions of the family after their return from 
the prayer meeting : several Of them lost their 
strength, as has frequently been the case since. 
For a few moments I was tempted to think we 
had been too venturesome in taking up our 
abode in a land of strangers, unprotected by the 
hand of a single acquaintance, and even desti- 
tute of a candle : but when I appealed to the 
Searcher of hearts, who had heard my groan- 
in gs in secret places, and who had often de- 
livered my soul, I was assured I had nothing to 
fear. And of this I was the more satisfied when 
I reflected that the whole of the widow's family, 
though large, were ihe professed friends of the 

Among others who belonged to her family at 
this time was William Doxtater, her nephew, 
who had been chiefly instrumental in bringing 
this poor people to the knowledge of the truth. 
He had lived in Canada for some time, and 
when there experienced religion ; and feeling a 
strong desire to visit his friends in this place^ 
brother Case procured Ti\m Wc^fts^ \a ^\«^^- 



Accordingly he came to Oneida some tii 
Febraary last, and commenced his la 
among his kindred according to the flesh, 
first they were so much offended with hin 
they would scarcely give him a morsel U 
for two or three days together. He 
" Sometin^es I feel very bad and pray a 
deal. But, by and by, they began to lii 
then they feel very sorry, because the] 
such bad hearts: cry a great deal, and 
pray to Jesus to give them new hearts. ^ ' 
I felt well to see my people get good : they 
me enough to -eat everyday: and more of 
I hope will get this good religion." The ^ 
as preached by him was, .indeed, the pow 
God unto the salvation of many a poor want 
in the gloomy mazes of paganism. How 
it is, that truth, when accompanied by the 
Spirit, is mighty, and must prevail ; wh 
delivered by St. Paul before philosophe 
Athens, or by a poor Indian in a wigwam 
Saturday, June 20th, brother Barnes 
brother Halstead came over to attend the • 
terly meeting for the mission. After mec 
several of the natives came in to see us, and 
particularly pleased with our books : we b 
immediately to teach them the alphabet, 
love-feast on Sunday morning was a very 
one. With great simplicity and eames 
the native brethren and sisters told the woi 
ful works of God to and among them. I 
brother Banies preached to them on, '* Repe 
therefore, and be conveTteA,'' &c.^ ^w^ n«^ 


lowed by William Doxtater, who spoke in the 
Mohawk tongue. For the first time, the holy- 
sacrament was now administered to these new- 
converts to the Christian faith. It was indeed 
a powerful and interesting season ; many en- 
tirely losing their bodily strength, and falling 
prostrate to the floor ! Bless the Lord, O my 
soul, for this opportunity of celebrating the Sa- 
viour's dying love ! Surely he is no respecter 
of persons. After tea, several of the converts 
came in, whom we endeavoured to instruct in 
reading: one could read in the Testament; 
some knew their letters ; and others appeared 
very anxious to learn. It is trtily astonishing 
how eagerly they receive instruction. We 
conversed with them in the simplest manner 
we could, and then concluded with a prayer 

Monday, 22d. There were present this 
morning about twenty natives, old and young, 
when Wm. Doxtater commended us to God at 
the family altar ; and then took his 4eave of us 
to go on a visit to Canada. It was a very 
solemn and interesting season, and many were 
deeply, affected. Agreeably to arrangement, we 
commenced our school this morning in a private 
house belonging to a native widow : opened the 
school with thirteen scholars, and at the close 
had twenty-seven. One, a lad of sixteen, 
could read the Testament ; five knew their let- 
ters, and twenty-one heg&n to learn them. I 
feel there is a great work before me^ for which^ 
vaaided from on high, 1 am ^^m^*^ \«tf3^Qaic&«^, 


We are watched closely on every side, and, if 
I am not mistaken, with a jealous eye; Every 
now and then some of the old people come and 
look in at the door or window, doubtless to see 
what strange things are going on! When they 
do this I generally leave all, and, in the. most 
friendly manner, go and invite them to come 
in and see what we are doing. The children 
are very bashful, and keep their blankets drawn 
almost entirely over their heads. When I 
address them they appear exceedingly abashed, 
and can hardly be persuaded to look me in the 
face. Indeed, I scarcely know what I should 
do were- it not that two or three understand a 
little English, through whpm I am enabled to 
address the rest. But their want of personal 
cleanliness is a most serious inconvenience to 
those whose duty it is to come somewhat in 
contact with them. To this^ therefore, we 
must direct our reforming attention. 

After tea to-day we took a walk to the new 
meeting-house, which our red brethren are 
building for themselves, and then called at the 
house of the head chief, Jacob Cornelius. We 
had had some acquaintance with him before ; 
he aj^ears quite friendly ; and, though he has 
not joined society, I think he has experienced 
religion. His wife is a member, and, although 
very diffident, can speak English tolerably well. 

July 10th. Before I left home my parents 

prophesied that I should not remain at the mis- 

sion more than two or three weeks before I 

should he brought home s\cJt. 'lo-^vj \5oa^ 


hav^ebeen to visit me, and found me cheerfully 
employed in school, in better health and spirits 
than when I left. I have succeeded in getting 
the children's blankets off, and in persuading 
them to make a more thorough application of 
the cleansing element to their persons and 
clothes. Appearances, altogether, are quite 
encouraging : some of the scholars learn finely. 
Brethren Halstead and Eaton, with the son and 
daughter of the latter, have been to visit my 
school to-day, and all appeared to be weU 

The desire of the natives to learn exceeds 
any thing I ever saw before. Several young 
men, who cannot find time to attend the school, 
come into our room as they have opportunity 
and receive instruction ; and so rapid has been 
their progress, that they now readily spell words 
of three or four letters. The jealousies and 
prejudices of the people seem to be yielding to 
the light of truth, as the morning mist retires 
before the rising sun. They are now very 
kind to us : indeed, I think I never saw a more 
loving and devoted people. Our advice in 
regard to cleanliness has been taken in good 
part, and has perhaps led to some real im- 
provement. This is particularly observable 
in the widow whose house in part we occupy. 
Her son Thomas was so much pleased with 
the alteration in his mother, sister, house, &c., 
that he would often tell us he was very glad 
we come here to live, to leaitL tX\ft\SL W« \a 
make bread, clean the Yioafte^ vi^i^ «:^^ \ssk^ 



their clothes, &c. He would frequently 
" O, I like it ; my mother like it too, — -yoi 
here, and learn her how to work ; I j 
may be, by and by, she know how to do « 
thing." Some idea of their utter practical 
tention to tidiness may be formed from th 
lowing fact, which we learned by actual c 
vation: — ^they wash their clothes, mop 
floor, and milk their cow in the same pail 

We find our old log school-house very ui 
foctable, especially in dark and rainy wei 
for the chimney carries smoke so indiffei 
that we can have but little fire : and as to 
all we get comes either -down the chinmi 
through die crevices in the walls. I some 
contrast this with my former situation, bo 
quite contented in the reflection tbat I am i 
I can do good to the souls and bodies < 
poor feUow'-qreatures. This is all I desi 

Sept. 3d. Our house for worship and a 
being finished, we entered it with real sat 
tion. All was going on prosperously, an 
little tawny charge making good profici 
when I was taken very ill, so that for 
days I was unable to be in school, i 
Morey was taken soon after, but not qu: 
severely. Some of the time I was in 
distress, not knowing but it would hie m 
sickness: but my mind was kept in p 
peace, feeling a sweet resignation to the \ 
God, regretting no sacrifice I had made in 
ing to the place, and fuUy believing that c 
God call . me awa^ t\ie dooi yj^ o^x 


some one to come among this people who 
might be more uiseful. Our iiative friends were 
very kind to us, evincing great sympathy in our 
affliction, and often praying for pur recovery. 
Sister Hendrickcame to see us, and afterward 
sent us. a fowl. She said, she was very sorry 
I was sick, because I was the first that ever 
came there to learn their children to read and 
be good ; that she should pray a good deal for 
nre j and if I got well I must not be too good to 
their children, but must correct them and make 
them obey; and it might be that in two or 
three ye^rs they would learn something. 

Sept. 15th. My health is not quite as good 
as it was before I was taken sick, yet I endure 
the fatigues of the school much betcr than I 
anticipated ; for besides doing our house-work 
and fitting garments for the children, we have 
aided in preparing two of the boys to attend the 
school at Cazenovia. To piersuade them to have 
their hair cut, their persons thoroughly cleansed, 
arid their clothes suited to their, jprospective 
circumstances, was no small job. But after it 
was done, and they were dressed in a good 
English style, all appeared much pleased : and 
the example thus set has been quite salutary in 
its influence on others. The dress of the 
males formerly consisted of a long ruffle shirt, 
which was seldom washed till worn out, or, 
more properly, worn off; a. white cravat, a pair 
of leggins, and a frock coat, Hestmed up without 
folds, facings, cuffs, or buttons \ b«Aw^ ^\Ne«51ff^ 
thd together about the vra\«X -wVOt^ "a^ ^-kcw^s^^ 


belt, handkerchief, leather strap, or slip of bark ; 
and they sometimes wore moccasins and blank- 
ets ; but very few had hats or other covering 
for their heads. The females wear their hair 
parted from the centre of the forehead directly 
over the crown of the head, braided down their 
backs, and tied up in the neck with a string or 
riband ; and many of them have a long lock hang- 
ing down the fore side of each ear. Their dress 
is a broadcloth petticoat, bound with blue or red 
riband, and ornamented with beads ; leggins 
dxed in the same manner, a calico or white 
cotton short-gown, without being hemmed, and 
fastened together with broaches ; and from two 
to five pairs of jewels in their ears. But the 
glorious gospel is effecting a change even in 
their attire. 

I have just received word from the superin- 
tendent of the mission, that he wishes me to 
appear with a part of my charge at the anniver- 
sary of the New York Mills Missionary Society, 
on the 21st instant. And, besides, he requires 
me to write an address to be read on that occa- 
sion ! a task so exceedingly crossing to my 
feelings, that, could 1 feel justified, I should 
certainly decline. Yet I submit to the judg- 
ment of my superiors, as, it seems, I cannot be 
" excused." 

Sept. 19th. Accompanied by sister Morey 

and two little Indian girls, and politely aided by 

brother Cody, I arrived at the house of brother 

Baker, the stationed xnvDL\%\«t ^\. "^^w-York 

Mills, a little befoxe t^^Vie o^cVwS*^, K^x 


dining, we went to the house of my old friend, 
the Rev. Charles Giles, where we were most 
hospitably and agreeably entertained till after 
the missionary meeting. The meeting was 
well attended, and there were more than a 
score of our red friends present. Seven of my 
scholars read and spelt, much to the satisfac« 
tion, I should think, of those present, especially 
considering the very limited -period they have 
been in school. Brother Giles read extracts 
from my written address, and followed the read- 
ing with a most eloquent and effective speech. 
On the whole, the meeting was quite interest- 
ing and well adapted to sustain and difiuse the 
missionary spirit. From this place I went to 
mv father's in Paris, where I spent a few days 
with my friends, and then returned to the 



Since my last entry the missionary premises 
have been, undergoing various repairs, in con- 
sequence of which the school has been suspend- 
ed. It is now again in pleasant operation. I 
was somewhat apprehensive, that, when our 
workmen dispersed, I should be lonesome, as 
our whole family now consists of sister Morey, 
myself, and an Indian boy. But I have been 
the furiheat' from it imag\na]b\e •. fox '^VcvvX '^\«l 













T^^^^'^iel^f fibefott*;;,^ tor s*?^. 

^\l^is \^' ^1^ ^^^ ^.^^ tvote^^T t^ii^ 



rOtV^ ' 


dotve ; 


"vro-wA. *^ N.8 vi ^*' ; . tot *®\«i 

to«- -fld eticlt,^^ j^^^ 




my little scholars, John Hendrick, died, aged 
about five or six years. He was a sprightly 
little boy, and. so anxious to learn to read, that, 
after he became a little acquainted, he would 
come and stand by me when. others were read- 
ing, and, with his eye intently fixed on the 
book, pronounce the letters after me.. But this 
promising flower is nipped in the bud. After 
it was thought his end was near, he revived, 
asked the family to sing, and soon after ex- 
pired« I have just attended his ftineraL Most 
of the people assembled in. the chapel, and 
waited for the. arrival of the corpse: when it 
came in sight the preacher gave the people no- 
tice, and everyone left the house;. the men 
standing in one group, the women in another. 
When the coffin, which was stiipng on a pole 
and carried by two individuals, passed through, 
the people foUowed, singing in their own 
tongwe, — 

" Dow happy ever^ child of g^e, 
Who JUK)W8 his sins forgiTen," 6lc, 

The coffin was then placed on the table, the 
pole taken off by one of the women, and the 
lid of the coffin removed^ when the relatives 
took their seats near the door. The meeting 
was opened by the head chief, and a sermon 
preached by Joseph Carpenter, a kiative re- 
cently from Canada. After singing and prayer, 
we viewed the corpse, whiph was dressed in 
his clean, every-day costuine, with a handker- 
chief tied about the head. The coffin was then 
nailed, strung on the pole, bxuSl e^xfv^^ \]^ *^^a 



down her furrowed cheeks. The whole i 
was deeply solemn and affecting. 

Jan. 1st, 1830. Just after sunrise this i 
ing a number of my scholars came to the 
sion-house. Upon inquiry, we found tha 
chief had told them to go to every hous 
had been their custom on new-year's moi 
and get cakes. Not expecting them, we 
wholly unprepared to meet their wants : 
having no school in consequence of the i 
ing, which was to commence at eleven o*c 
we told them ifcthey would come again a1 
we would be ready for them. At the tim 
pointed there appeared more than forty n 
children, most of whom were clad in a 
English style, with clean hands and faces 
hair oiled and combed most tastefully. A 
weather was remarkably fine for the se 
there being nO snow on the ground, they 
their stand npon the grass before the hoiiB< 
boys in one row, the girls in another ; lei 
just room enough for us to pass between 1 
After we had served our cakes, all bowed 
heads to crave the divine blessing ; a pra 
which has been universal among them i 
they have embraced Christianity. O, it y 
lovely sight ; a sight upon which, I have tho 
the angels themselves mi^x ^i^^ ^VCgl 


sure ! We then sung a hymn, and prayed ; 
after which we repaired to the chapel ; where 
the services, though I understood but little of 
them, were greatly blessed to my poor soul. 
God was in the midst of us, and his Spirit bore 
witness with my spirit, that I was a child of 
his. Bless the Lord, O my soul ! 

Feb. 3d. My dear parents, with my brother- 
in-law and. sister Irish, have been to make me 
a visit. I take great pleasure in seeing my re- 
latives ; a pleasure which I fear I shall not 
always enjoy. I often think of the lonely mis- 
sionary, in some distant land, whither he has 
gone to guide the poor wanderer into the paths 
of peace ; and dare not compare my privations 
with his. But though I feel grateful that Pro- 
vidence has cast my lot where my friends can 
come and see me, yet it may well be supposed 
that I feel some tender emotions on parting** 
with them, for I have not entered the dwelling 
of a white person more than once within the 
last four months. Still I feel no disposition to 
complain : indeed, I am contented and happy. 
Sister Morey is an excellent housekeeper, and 
takes much pains to instruct those with whom 
she has intercourse in domestic affairs. Though 
my school is now large, and I have no one to 
assist nie, yet matters move on agreeably. I 
am sometimes weary in the work, but never 
of it. My scholars are making good proficiency, 
and I often have seasons of refreshing from the 
presence of the Lord. To his name be all the 
glory, now and evermore \ 



F^b. 9th. '' How unsearchable are; the i 
of God, and his judgnients past finding c 
Just as I was going to my delightful em] 
ment, about one o'clock this afternoon, on 
my scholars opened the door and said* 
wanted a pail to get some water, for the sd 
house was on fire. We ran ; though a] 
bending little danger, thinking it probable 
merely a few coals had fallen from the t 
hearth.. But how great was our surpru 
find, on coming pear the building, that the 
had broken out in the chamber! We bleu 
horn, and otherwise did what we could to 
the sJarm ; but, alas ! it was too late ; aa 
boys were absent, and the men chopping 
distance in the woods. The books and 
windows were all we saved. Though the 
was doubtless accidentally communicated, 

» scene was truly affecting. A number of th 
habitants were soon collected, and when 
beheld the ruins of the place where they 
been " bom again," some covered their mc 
with their hands and dtood in speechless as 
ishment; others barely heaved a deep a 
others exclaimed, " O, I sorry ;" and ot 
said, *• When will you keep school again ? 
must not go away. No ! May be get somt 
house; keep school again. You are m 
blame. Some time we well, and some tim« 
sick — can't help it: you know all." S 
came into the mission-house without utteri 
word, and, drawing their blankets over i 

heads, wept bitterly. 1 eTvAe^.No\SLte^ Vi ^w 


them by telliiig them that our white friends had 
beeiL very kind to them, and that, if they conti- 
nued failiiful, they would doubtless aid them in 
building another house. At this their counte- 
nances brightened, and. one and another said, 
" I help, — I do all I can.!' In the evening our 
prayer meeting was held at the house of John 
Cornelius, and, though much straitened for want 
of room, it was a good time. 

1 2th. PuiBuant to the advice of our brethren, 
Barney and Jones, who came to the mission the 
day after the fire, I went to Paris, where I spent 
a week. The leading object of my visit was, 
if possible, to . obtuin aid in the erection of a 
new school-houscw Brother Barnes came and 
preached at bur chapel. on the succeeding sab- 
bath evening, and, as there were several of our 
red brethren present, brother David Johnson, 
one of their number, gave them an exhortation 
in Indian. Brother Barnes then called upiori 
me. to state my wants to the congregation, 
which, though a great cross, I endeavoured to 
do. Every ear seemed to bear, and every heart 
to feel. Blessed be the Lord, I found many a 
" cheerful giver" among Presbyterian and Epis- 
copalian, as among Methodist, friends : so that 
what was actually collected, with what was 
subscribed in money, materials, and provisions, 
amounted to about fifty dollars. Time and cir- 
cumstances considered, this was liberal and 

When I went home I found my parents quite 
unweU, and my sister M. con^we^ \»\Nfc\\i!^« 


. felt it to be a real privilege to do a little 
those who had done so much for me in the ti: 
of affliction. When they had so far recovei 
as to render it proper for me to leave them 
returned to the mission, taking the Westmo 
land quarterly meeting in my way. About fo 
of our native brethren were present, and it v 
truly a good time. 

March 4th. Our red brethren continue mi 
engaged, and meet at different places for pra; 
through the week. Last sabbath was a mei 
nible time indeed : the Lord of hosts was tr 
with us. For the first time in her life, sis 
M. fell under the mighty power of God. I hi 
been seldom more pleased than I was in cli 
when the leader addressed me in English 
the first time. He said, '< Sister, speak to C 
to heaven, to your soul, to-day." So far 
was able to gather his meaning, it was, S' 
about what God has done for your soul to 
and the prospect you have of seeing him ir 
ven, &c. 

Some of our native exhorters have be 
to visit the Onondagas, where they hav« 
iustrumental in bringing several of the b 
ed pagans to the knowledge of the tr 
spirit of inquiry having been awakeuec 
nation* quite a number have visited 
were soimdlr converted :o God wb 
Some of the old chiefs, however, e 
jno«« biner hostility.* How :n:e ii i*, 

• J>Mth has «DC« K!n»ne>i 'i-^ft "-*e»a 


caraal mind," "'wherever found, " is enmity 
against God." 

So many are talking of moving to Green 
Bay, that we are in painful suspense iii regard to 
huilding a school-house. But we must patiently 
wait the result ; and while I humble myself at 
the foot of the cross in view of having done so 
little for God and his cause, I would not forget 
to praise him for all his mercies. 

April 5th. The a^tation respecting a removal 
to Green Bay having rendered it necessary still 
further to postpone the Erection of a school- 
house, I. concluded to delay no longer; and 
accordingly, on the first instant, reopened my 
school in an old log building, situated some 
distance from the mission-house. Every thing 
like convenience is utterly out of the question. 
But though covered with ashes and enveloped 
in smoke, I have seldom been more happy than 
I was to-day when reflecting qn that mysterious 
providence that brought me to this place. While 
the children were absent at dinner, I bowed 
before the Lord, and felt that even this place 
was " none other but the house of God, and the 
gate of heaven." I felt that if I had as many 
lives as I had lived years, I could cheerfully 
devote them all, were they required, to the mis- 
sionary cause. I, however, have but one, and 

of the cross among the Onondagas. The place is regularly^ 
visited by natiye speakers from Oneida, a flourishing soci- 
ety has been formed, and every thing indicates the day of 
salvation to this long-neglected and dee^Vj^^^gn^KA.^^ 
pJe. — Ed. 


that is far spent. May the Lord help me to 
make the best possible use of what remains in 
doing some little good to the souls and oodies 
of this long-neglected race ; for to what purpose 
does a person liye who lives wholly to tumself ? 
Yesterday brother Barnes preached, and bro- 
ther Halstead exhorted : O, it was a blessed 
season. Brother H. particularly exhorted sis- 
ter Morey and myself not to be discouraged, 
but to persevere in our.labours among this poor 
degraded people, whatever privations we might 
experience ; telling us, from the fulness of his 
soul, that we should not lose our reward. And, 
blessed be God, I thought if I could never have 
any other than that which I then felt in my 
soul, it would be a sufficient inducement to per- 

I am frequently questioned by my red friends 
as to my willingness to accompany them to 
Green Bay, should they all, hereafter, sell their 
lands and conclude to go. As yet I have thought 
proper to give them no definite answer, but 
have simply asked them how they thought I 
could live there ? I could neither hunt nor fish, 
nor should I have either house or land. The 
chief replied, '^I guess I fix it." Another said, 
" We hunt for you." And another, " O, I work 
for you first j chop down the trees ; build you 
a little house ; make you garden : — Say you 
go." Dear people, should they be removed by 
the providence of God into that great wilder- 
ness, I doubt hot but those will be found who 
will not count their Uvea dew \Wk\o ^«<cQiMX^^;ii^ 


if, by accompanying them, they may be the 
means of helping them to heaven. 

May 12th; Accompanied by the two brothers 
and sister Halstead,. I once more visited my 
dear friends at Paris:, found them in usual 
health, and attended the third anniversary of 
our female missionary society. Brother H. 
Halstead preached on the occasion, after which 
we elected our officers, and voted to appropri- 
ate our funds to the Oneida mission. Stayed 
one night at my dear father's, and returned the 
next day. In the evening several came in to 
see us, with whom we had a most precious sea- 
son in prayer. Never, no never, shall I forget 
"the times of refreshing" Ihave enjoyed under 
the paternal roof. And may God Almighty 
bless ray venerable parents, in the decline of 
life, with every temporal and spiritual comfort, 
and grant them at last an abundant entrance 
into his heavenly kingdom ! As it is expected 
that more than one hundred of the Oneidas will 
remove during the next month to Green Bay, 
it had been reported to my friends that I was 
designing to go with them. To be informed 
otherwise gave them great relief. Still, as my 
mind had been so. much exercised on the sub- 
ject of an ultimate removal to that distant land, 
as to cause sleep to depart from my eyes, it 
was my design to converse freely with them 
respecting it ; but, as the cross was so great, I 
concluded to defer the matter till it assumed a 
more definite shape. 

Sunday, 20th. Brother Bam«>^ ^x^i-wJwb^ \s^ 

thither? But I did not feel free to ani 
wishing to make it still farther the subje 
reflection and prayer. I, however, told th 
should first wish to know it was my duty, 
that were it not for two or three ifs, I t 
easily settle the question. 1 parti cularl^i 
in my mind — the consent of my relatives- 
society of a few choice friends — and the nc 
to make me comfortable. But 1 leave thi 
all else that concerns my future course, ii 
hands of God. My chief concern is, and 
ever will be, lo know and do his blessed ^ 
My heart has been deeply humbled w 
me while reading the annual reports of tli 
male and Dorcas missionary societies of I 
York. I bless God for sympathizing frii 
however distant. May the Lord contini 
bless them, and cause their zeal to becooK 
more warm and diffusive, till the missic 
fire bums in every part of the Methodist 


July 17lh. Sister Barnes, missionary from 
Canada, who has been on a visit among her 
friends at the east, came very unexpectedly to- 
day, and with her three other sisters from New- 
York. Their visit was short, but to us very 
pleasant. While sister M. was preparing their 
dinner, they visited my school, and appeared 
much pleased, as well with the proficiency my 
scholars had made in their studies, as with their 
order and cleanliness. The shell was soon 
sounded, and, while our sisters were dining, the 
Indians came flopking together; when sister 
Barnes addressed them with much animation 
and power. It was indeed a memorable sea- 
son, and one for which I feel peculiarly thank- 
ful. Never was my heart more in the work in 
which I am engaged, and I hope to spend and 
be spent in doing good to the poor heathen. 

22d. The idea of fitting out a mission family 
for Green Bay is, for the present, relinquished ; 
and it has been thought proper that sister M. 
and myself should continue where we are. For 
this blessing I feel truly thankful. Knowing 
that we have their confidence, we hope to be 
rendered a greater blessing to this people than 
heretofore, should our health be preserved, 
which, at present, is remarkably good. Some of 
the little boys can now read in the English Tes- 
tament, and spell with astonishing accuracy, 
who, when we commenced teaching them, 
could scarcely understand a word that was said 
to them ! I often think of the dear little crea- 
tures, thirrv in number, wl\o \\s©(l\»\>^wv6'c^^"^^ 



of my school, but have now gone to the wilds 
of the west. Of the adults who emigrated, tea 
were members of society : these were formed 
into a class, and Antonio Wheelock appointed 
their leader. It may well be supposed that I 
felt much at parting with them ; and my prayer 
to God is, that they may be kept from the evils 
to which they are exposed, and that in due 
time the faithful missionary may go among 
them to teach them the fear of the Lord. 

Yesterday Bishop Hedding, with three 
preachers, visited my school ; after which he 
preached to the natives through an interpreter 
on, " The Son of man is come to seek and save 
that which was lost." There was much good 
feeling manifested by our red broken, who, 
after the sermon, sung a hymn, shook hands 
with the bishop, and in a very simple and unaf- 
fected manner bade him farewell. He stayed 
with us till this afternoon, and if his visit was a 
thousandth part as pleasant and profitable to 
himself as it was to us, I am quite certain he 
will not soon forget it. May the great Head 
of the church accompany him in his labours of 
love wherever he may go, and may the heaven 
of eternal love be his final reward ! 

Aug. 18th. A messenger arrived, informing 
me that my father was sick, and wished me to 
come home immediately. I went, and found 
him, to all human appearance, on the very 
brink of the grave. Every kind of medicine 
having /ailed, I prescribed ; and for three hours 
he lay quiet ; so thai 1 be^i^Xi Vi ^^\\At myself 


I should succeed: but my hope was soon 
blasted ; his vomiting returned ; and for several 
days and. nights we wer« looking for him to 
breathe his last. On Wednesday evening, the 
25th, we were called around his bed to see him 
expire : and what rendered the scene more 
awfully solemn and affecting was, my mother 
was very sick of the same complaint. Wrapped 
in a blanket, she was brought from another 
room to his bed-side : and O, to see them shake 
hands and hear them bid each other '^ farewell," 
both happy and resigned, gave rise to feelings 
of which it were useless to s^ttempt a descrip- 
tion. But that God who js rich in mercy, has, 
in answer to many prayers, graciously spared 
them both, I trust not only to suffer but to do 
his blessed will a little longer. On the 3d 
of September they were so far recovered that I 
considered myself at liberty to leave them, and 
accordingly returned to my arduous but still 
much-loved employment. 

Saturday, Nov, 27th. Our new meeting- 
house is finished, and on Wednesday evening 
last was dedicated to Almighty God : sermon 
by brother Barnes on, " The Lord hath done 
great things for us, whereof we are glad ;" 
which was followed by an excellent love-feast. 
Thursday morning I assembled my scholars at 
the school-house ; several preachers were pre- 
sent; went through the usual exercises of 
reading, spelling, &c. ; singing by the scholars, 
and prayer by brother B. Then walked to the 
new church; forfy-threecTaWdteTLVj^t^'^x^^^^'^s 


and, though the weather was rainy, a large 
congregation assembled. Sermon in the morn- 
ing by brother Gary, in the afternoon by brother 
Barnes, and in the evening by brother Fox. It 
was indeed a very interesting season ; and as 
the work of the Lord still prospers, my prayer 
is, that it may go on till every red man of the 
woods is regenerated and disenthralled. 

Christmas, Dec. 25th. We assembled at the 
new church this morning between the hours o( 
twelve and one : heard two sermons, but under- 
stood very little of the one delivered in Indian. 
A class and prayer meeting followed. The 
Lord was present to bless the people, and I 
presume there were few present who did not 
feel that " the Day-star from on high had visit- 
ed*' them. Just as the day began to dawn I 
felt my heart stirred within me to speak of the 
loving-kindness of the Lord to Os, fallen, wretch- 
ed, and depraved sinners, in sending his Son 
into the world to suffer and die in our stead ; 
and no sooner did I obey than my soul was 
" filled unutterably full of glory and of God." 
O how good the Saviour is to one so utterly 
im worthy ! 

" May I to his glory live, 
And in his cause expire.** 

April 1 5th, 1831. I am now left alone with 
the exception of a little Indian boy, who ap- 
pears to feel very much for me, and is very 
kind. Sister Morey was taken ill early in the 
month of March, and yesterday was obliged to 
leave. The heaviest of \\ie ^oxV\v%», Vst %qvw>i 


time, derolvcd upon me, so that I have often 
feared that domestic occupations and the care 
of the school would prove too much for my 
slender constitution. But 1 havQ ventured for- 
ward in the name of the Lord, leaning upon his 
almighty arm, and trusting in his '* great and 
precious promises." 

27th. Have just received a letter from my 
sister J., which caused me both to weep and 
rejoice. I wept to be informed of the illness 
of my dear sister M., and of my brother's wife ; 
but rejoiced to hear of the conversion of some 
of my old neighbours among the Presbyterians. 

Though I had hoped for the company of one 
of my sisters, I am still alone. But hitherto 
the Lord hath comforted me, so that during my 
most lonely hours I have enjoyed some happy 
seasons. Lonely, did I say ? In some sense, 
certainly, such has been my condition ! for I 
have no one to associate with, from day to day, 
and from week to week, but the natives of the 
neighbourhood. Still, it affords me unispeaka- 
ble consolation to feel that I am doing the will 
of Grod while imparting instruction to this rude 
yet happy people. The children are making 
most pleasant proficiency in their studies : 
eleven are reading in the Testament ; four just 
commencing with arithmetic ; five learning to 
write ; and several little girls using their nee- 
dles, some of whom can sew very handsomely : 
so that I trust I am usefully employed, however 
exhausting my task. But l\ie be^aX. ^^ vSJl S&^ 
Jesus, the sinner's friend, la my CiOXvsNasjX ^««»f 


panion ; and to wear out in his blessed service 
is infinitely preferable to a life of indolence and 
sloth. May I, therefore, not only be steadfast 
and unmoveable, but always abound in the work 
of the Lord ; fully satisfied that whatever I do 
for him will not be in vain. 




July 26th. Brother Barnes has just returned 
from conference, and called to inform me that 
the bishop and missionary committee were of 
the opinion that a male teacher, who could 
board with brother Gary — now living about a 
mile distant — would be less expensive than to 
hire a housekeeper, furnish provisions, and em- 
ploy me.* x'Vccordingly, the Rev^ J. M. Snyder, 
who, in consequence of bleeding at the lungs, 
is unable to lake charge of a circuit, has been 
employed to teach the mission-school. I was 
however desired, if willing, to remain till Mr. 
S. came, which I did ; for had I gone off 

* It may perhaps be proper for me to say, that money 
was never my object in coming to this place. The mis- 
sionary committee determined the amount of my compen- 
sation, without at all consulting me, which was to sister 
M. and myself one dollar per week each. We spent our 
wAole time, in some way, for the benefit of this people : 
teaching the children, c\iX.lvag vndi xnaSsm^ ^axmonts, giv- 
ing Jiistruction in hoxiseVifeiy, mA x)nfc>Sift.— ^k.'^ 


suddenly and shut up the mission-house, the 
result might hare been most unpleasant. The 
prospect of iearing was, on the whole, rather 
painful to my feelings ; for, really, I could not 
be satisfied that my work was done. Besides, 
the people manifested great solicitude for me 
to remain : they would say, " Don't like it you 
go away, it look so lonesome : guess not good 
to have no woman here ; sometime preachers 
come, no woman ; may be they hungry — no- 
body give them any thing to eat." 

Aug. 19th. Brother Snyder came on the 17th, 
and took charge of the school on the 18th. I, 
however, went in and spent a considerable por- 
tion of the forenoon of the next day ; for some 
of the children were so bashful that they would 
hardly enter the school-house, and I had to use 
all my influence with them to persuade them 
to come. The eyes of my scholars followed 
me as I left, and 1 could plainly see them strug- 
gling with their rising emotions. Poor little 
things — how much I felt for them ! 

The first chief called just now to know when 
I designed to leave, and, turning to his brother, 
the preacher, requested him to appoint a meet- 
ing to bid me farewell. As 1 have witnessed 
their downcast looks when parting with their 
friends, the thoughts of such a meeting are 
almost overpowering to my feelings. May the 
God of all grace and comfort grant me his sup- 
porting presence ! 

I find, on looking over my school list^ that I 
bare instructed eighty nalvve Ec^i^^\^^ V\.^\fiL 


tluree years old up to twenty-eight ; have taught 
eighteen to knit and sew ; ten to write ; six the 
first principles of arithmetic ; six to read quite 
intelligibly in the English Reader ; seventeen 
in the New Testament ; fourteen in easy les- 
sons in the spelling-book ; and nearly all to 
spell in one or two syllables. I know n6t bow 
many marriages have been solemnized in the 
Big Orchard party since I have resided anaong 
them ; but quite a number, several of the par- 
ties to which were my scholars. There have 
been fifteen deaths, mostly of infants or small 

* children : two of the deceased were my scho- 
lars ; the eldest about fifteen and a member of 
society. As he lived at a distance, and was 
buried during my absence, I did not learn the 
particulars of his sickness and death: Peter 
Day, a young man lately married, died of the 
consumption. He should probably be regarded 
as the first fruits of the work of God at Onei- 
da. He bore his sickness, which was long 
and painful, with Christian patience and forti- 
tude; and a few minutes before he breathed 
his last, said to his brothers, ** Don't weep for 
me — I am going home : all that I am sorry for 
is, that you have not got good, so as to go home 
with me.*' He not only died but was buried on 
the same day of the week as my brother J., 
though eight years after, which brought the 
circumstances attending the death of the latter 
very distinctly and vividly to my recollection. 
Tuesday 29th. Had &ome hard straggles 
through the day yeBleidvy^^xA \s^^^ «*iw^% 


took a sort of formal leave of my red friends. 
Grace enabled me to conquer my feelings far 
beyond what I anticipated. How good the 
I/ord is ! May I never cease to praise him. 

This morning some of the more devoted sis- 
ters came in to give me their thanks and their 
blessings : the interview was, indeed, more 
than I could well bear : the Lord comfort and 
sustain them, and grant us a final union of spi- 
rits in " the regions of pleasure and love." 
After a very agreeable visit at the house of 
brother Barnes, and attending a very lively and 
profitable meeting with the native brethren at 
the Gastl«, I returned once more to the house 
of my dear parents, where I found all well. 

Oct. 16th. I have spent the time, since I re- 
turned rather agreeably in journeying, visiting 
friends, Slc, ; but have, at the same time, pass- 
ed through some pretty severe mental conflicts. 
Occasionally my distress has been great, and I 
could find no rest only in giving up myself 
anew to God, and in a full determination to 

." Leave to his sovereign sway 
To choose and to command/' 

To-day 1 am more than ordinarily " cast down." 
Still I " hope in God," and believe I shall yet 
" praise him." I sometimes think that, judging 
from my former exercises, the way will soon 
open before me, and that my ardent desire to 
be useful to my fellow-candidates for " immor- 
tality and eternal life" will in some way be 
gratified. Lord, I am in thy hands : deal with 
Suae iiandmaid as seemeik V^v^^ %^^^. 



NovT. 23(1. Have just received a letter from 
the Rer. Mr. <Uase, superintendent of the In- 
dian missions in Canada, now confined by iH 
health in Utica, requesting me to meet him at 
that place to-morrow morning, and, if consist- 
ent, as soon as his health will permit, go on 
with him as a school teacher to the field of his 
labors. ^Cheerfully would I have accepted 
this offer had I been in a condition to do so ; 
but, having been sick for more than a fortnight 
with a violent influenza, my way is, for the pre- 
sent, quite hedged up. There may, however, 
bo a special providence in this call : ^t any rate, 
I will leave myself in the hands of God to be 
disposed of according to his sovereign and 
gracious pleasure. 

Dec. 5th. I remain very feeble and my flesh 
is gradually wasting away, but feel very thank- 
ful that I am beneath the paternal roof at this 
inclement season, where 1 am blest with every 
desirable comfort, of which thousands, under 
similar circumstances, are wholly deprived. 
The language of my soul is, " What shall I 
render unto the Lord for all his benefits?" 
May it ever be " a perfect heart, and a willing 
mind" cheerfully to obey him in all things. 

Jan. 1st, 1832. My health is much better, and 
I have found it both pleasant and profitable to 
hear the word preached to-day for the first time 
in eight weeks. But I am sorry our society 
prospers no more : I think I never saw it in a 
more languid state. There is a painful lack of 
discipline among us ; class aaiS. ^fw.'^^'^ xiia^v- 


ings, if attended at all, are but poorly attended. 
How do the ways of Zion tnourn ! O that hin- 
derances to the prosperity of religion may be 
speedily removed ! 

During my afflictions I have enjoyed much 
inward consolation. God has been my snn and 
shield. O how undeserving, and yet how 

• Feb. 3d. I had been planning several visits, 
a few days since, when I felt an inward check, 
as if my duty lay in a different direction. The 
impression was so strong, that I resolved, for 
the present, to suspend the execution of my de- 
signs, and wait the developments of Provi- 
dence. Last evening I received a letter from 
the superintendent of the Oneida mission, inform- 
ing me that the health of brother Snyder is so 
far recovered that he is disposed to resume his 
ministerial labours, and inviting me again to 
take charge of the mission-school. To-day 
Mr. S. has been to see me on the subject, and 
I have concluded, should my health continue to 
improve, to take his place in about two weeks. 

18th. Left my father's yesterday, dined with 
brother B. at Vernon Centre, and reached the 
mission-house between three and four o'clock, 
P. M., where I was received with great cordi- 
ality. To-day several of my old friends, their 
countenances beaming with pleasure, have been 
in to see me and bid me welcome. They speak 
in high terms of Mr. S., but still want somd ^ 
one to teach them domestic ecoxioxxv} ^\n.^ ^^^V 
other kittdred branches as vjoxiX.^ S»J\ \S!sss^^ ^g^^- 


perly witbin the range of female instruction. 
And now, Lord, help me to give myself wholly 
to thee, and, under thee, to the improvement of 
this dear people. 

March 15th. I have reason to " sing of 
mercy" no less than of "judgment." After stop- 
ping the crevices in the old school-house with 
rags, and making it as comfortable as I could, I 
commenced school, agreeably to my calculations, 
on the 20th ultimo, and, with the exception of 
one day, have continued it to the present time. 
Though I have had some cold, my health is as 
good as could be expected. In aur dwelling 
there is but one door that will come together : 
that being an outside one, we have hung, up 
blankets, and comforted ourselves with the re- 
flection that it will not be winter always. Still, 
I could not help, now and then, contrasting my 
situation with the one I had so recently lefl : 
and yet we are far better off than many of out 
neighbours. The children appear anxious to 
learn, and I am so abundantly blessed in endea- 
vouring to instruct them, that I am quite com* 
pensated for any little inconveniences I expe- 
rience. The society is much engaged; the 
same spirit of union prevails as when I left 
six months since, and much of the divine pre- 
sence is still realized among the members. 

The Rev. Messrs. Case and Barnes, and 

John Sunday, (the latter a native from Upper 

Canada,) came here yesterday ; the two former 

just after I had closed school. I however call- 

ed In the children, whou some ol \)tka\i\ \^^A. 


and others recited. In the evening brother 
Case preached, and John Sunday exhorted. 

Sunday, March 19th. A very tedious day : 
but, however blustering, we went about three 
miles to the church formerly occupied by the 
Episcopalians, now by the Methodists^ where 
we hesurd the Rev. Mr. Case preach a- very ex- 
cellent discourse from 1 Tim. iv, 10, " For 
therefore we both labour and suffer reproach, 
because we trust in the living God, w^o is the 
Saviour of all men, specially of those that be- 
lieve." In consequence of the storm very few 
were present. I should myself have suffered 
much had I not borrowed an Indian blanket ; 
for just as I had got my hood and coat on, I step- 
ped to the door to see if I could get a ride in 
the sleigh of a brother then passing, and in my 
hurry forgot to take ray mantle. The circum- 
stance, however, by no means operated to my 
disadvantage among my red friends, who thought 
the blanket became me exceedingly ! After we 
had dined I heard D. J. preach in Indian : 
stayed in class : not another white person pre- 
sent. But *' there is no respect of persons 
with God:" my soul was liappy, while theirs 
seemed filled to overflowing. In the evening 
several came in, to whom I read the Scriptures, 
and answered questions. What a delightful 
task to instruct the ignorant and direct the 
inquiring ! We closed the evening with a prayer 
meeting, conducted partly in Mohawk, partly 
in Chippewa, and partly in English. Thus 
have I spent one mot© \io\y ^^\wJ3cL^^^2j«^s5!^ 


to myself, and I hope in some measure usefully 
to this interesting people. 

As John Sunday stayed here several days, 
while brother Case went on an excursion sUU 
further to the west, I had a good opportunity to 
observe his general conduct and character. 
He spent his time either in visiting, attending 
meetings, chopping wood at our door, reading 
the Scriptures in school, or studying them at 
home, or in the woods pouring out his soul in 
prayer to God. One d^y, as he had been absent 
a long time, I made some inquiry, supposing he 
had been out visiting : " No," said he, " I felt 
very bad, as though/ 1 had a great work to do, 
and I have been away beyond that great hill in 
the woods to pray. You know when folks 
clear up their land they cut down some big 
trees, and they want help to roll up the great 
logs ; just so I want help. I can't lift alo*ne, 
and I have been out to ask Jesus Christ to 
help me; and now I feel some stronger." 
Then taking down my Bible from the mantel- 
piece, and clasping it to his bosom, he said, ^ O 
how I love this good book !" 

He told me that six y^ars ago he understood 
only three words of English, which were, 
** pint" — " quart" — " whiskey." Having been 
drunk at Salmon River, in Canada, when he 
got a little over the paroxysm he went to pro- 
cure more strong drink ; but the trader, though 
l^an intemperate man himself, would let him have 
^■o more ; and told him he must go to Belle- 
mle — a distance of some s*\il ox ^e\^w miles — 


and hear that Indian talk, for he had something 
good to say to Indian. Accordingly he weni 
and got his blaqket, and then hired another In- 
dian to cany him in his sleigh ; but when he 
arrived there the meeting had begun, and the 
house was so full that he could not get in : sc 
he sat down on a. pile of wood, and remained 
till the close of the meeting, though he could 
hear nothing. When the meeting ended, Petei 
Jonbs (the preacher) came out and shook hands 
with him, but said nothing. In the evening 
the same individual preached again, when Sun- 
day went in and heard, for the first time in hie 
life, the gospel of Christ ; and so deep was the 
impression it made upon his mind, that he slept 
but little that night. The next morning he 
heard' him again, then went home, thinking a 
great deal about the good word, and told his 
family what he had heard ; and so bad did he 
feel, that for days and nights he scarcely slepi 
or ate. After this he thought it his duty to gc 
round and tell the other Indians they must be 
good and drink no more whiskey. He went 
accordingly. When he returned he thought he 
must pray with his family, but felt so bad he 
could say but little. Still he "cried a great 
deal," iind went often into the woods to pray 
By and by the man that carried him to Belle- 
ville began to pray, and his own wife also gol 
down upon her knees. About four weeks aftej 
his first visit to Belleville, he went again tc 
that place, and heard Mr. Case preach : at the 
cloffe of the meeting, Mr. C. s^oke IQ hisc 


through an interpreter, and asked him how he 
felt ? And on his replying, " Very bad," encour- 
aged him to persevere in seeking the Lord, 
assuring him God would be fopnd of him. It 
was not, however, till after the lapse of four 
months that he obtained the knowledge of sal- 
vation by the remission of his sins ; though he 
continued all this time to exhort others, ^d was 
thus instrumental in leading many souls to Christ 
before he himself was made a new creature. 

When Sunday was about leaving Canada, 
some of his friends asked him where he was 
going? He replied, *' Quebec," not telling 
them he was coming quite into the States. He 
said he knew not what they would think when 
they found he had been here. " But," said he, 
" when I go back I must tell them the words of 
God : he didn't say, Go and preach only to the 
king's subjects, but, * Go ye into all the worlds 
and preach the gospel to every creature.^ " 

March 31 st. Yesterday went with my house- 
keeper to see one of our sick sisters, living 
quite a distance in -the woods, and was happy 
to find her fast recovering. I carried her 
some bread, and as soon as her babe saw it; he 
reached out his little hand, into which I put a 
small piece : the little fellow devoured it with 
the greatest avidity, looking at me, with an ex- 
pression of gratitude that cannot be described. 

We then went to make a call at the widow 

Scanadore's. She was not at home, having 

gone in quest of provisions, but we found her 

venerable father and mo\\v^t. TK^ old woman 


was out of doors gathering chips for the night, 
but, on seeing us, she left her basket and ask* 
ed us to go in. Recollecting, however, her 
former kindness in picking up sticks for us 
when we were destitute of wood and candles, 
I assisted her in filling her basket. We then 
went in, and found the old man lying in one 
comer, having nothing on his person but an old 
shirt, vest, and pair tif leggins, with a piece of 
an old calico quilt wrapped about his middle, 
one end of which passed over a stick of wood 
that served him for a pillow ! Such had been 
his clothing during the severity of a cold winter ! 
By the side of him lay a cold potatoe and a 
piece of Indian dumpling — ^his only food ! ! 
The poor old man seemed very glad to see us, 
and when I asked him if he still loved Jesus 
and delighted in praying to him, he very em- 
phatically said, '' Yes," and raised himself partly 
up to talk with me. After a little time spent 
in conversation and prayer, I returned quite 
fatigued, but resolved to do something for the 
relief of these aged sufferers. At class in the 
evening I was not a little comforted. O how 
good the Lord is to me ! I daily feel the ne- 
cessity of living neater to him, that I may be 
the better prepared for usefulness. 

April 5th. Last night, sister B. having gone 
on a visit to her brothei^s, I stayed alone ; but 
I was not at all lonesome, being busily employ- 
ed in making some pillov^s for the old people 
named above, which I filled with straw from 
my bed ; and since sc\ioo\\jo-3iW!f ^^^^'Wss^wwn^^ 


by one of their grand-children, I hare been 
to carry them, together with a blanket and 
Bome other articles. After crossing streams, 
and logs, and snow-drifts, I at length reached 
the place almost utterly exhausted ; but I soon 
forgot this when I saw the relief I had afforded 
them, and especially their uplifted eyes to 
heaven, and heard them express their gratitude 
to God, and invoke his blessings upon me both 
in Indian and broken English. Just as I was 
going to leave, the good old woman pointuog 
&e way I had come; said, " This road not good." 
Then, pointing upward, said, " Yo yai^ ka 
ronh ya gon ton da," i. e., Good to heaven always, 
1 returned alone, just as " the king of day" with 
his own peculiar grandeur was retiring behind 
the hills, and clothing the tops of the trees, as 
well as the light floating clouds of the evening, 
from^ his own vermilion wardrobe — and was 
seldom more happy. Nature herself seemed 
to chime in with my feelings, and I scarcely 
knew how I got over the ground. Went to 
meeting in the evening, where God was emi- 
nently present to own and bless his people. 

15th. To-day visited two sick persons *, one 
an aged chief who experienced religion about 
a year since. Though his sufferings were 
great, he appeared resigned and happy : the 
other an infant, and an orphan child. As I 
entered the house where the latter lay, I found 
a number of pious females singing a hymn to 
a very .plaintive and impressive air. The 
mother was deeply affected. 1 Q\AQa.NQNKed to 


console her. by tellmgher what Jesus had said 
respecting little children, and soon she became 
quite, composed. After praying with them I 
left, but fear they understood but little. I 
sometimes feel a great desire to understand 
their language, that I may be the more useful 
to them. But then how litde do I know ! and 
I am top constantly employed to admit of my 
learning much more. 

J. C, a neighbour of ours, and a very pious 
and devoted Christian, came in one day and 
said to me with great earnestness, "What 
makes Universalist 1 He got larning, I suppose. 
He read a great deal. He read all the Bible. 
So he say. He tell Indian, * No hell ? I don't 
believe what he say. Indian very wicked : he 
always know there be hell. ^ If he wicked 
when he die, then he go there. May be Uni- 
versalist go there : then I guess he believe hell." 

Some time after this J. C, with oAe of the 
chiefs, called on this Universalist, when he ad- 
dressed the chief as follows : " Well Jacob, 
how do you do— pretty good yet ?" " Yes," 
replied the chief, " pretty good — I like it." 
" But," said the Universalist, " there is no hell : 
I can read the Bible as well as any minister." 
'* What makes so many people go to meeting 
then ?" interrogated the chief. " Because," 
responded the Universalist, '< the minister wants 
to see a great many people together, and tell 
them a fine story." " Well," said Jacob, " if 
you can read all the Bible, I suppose yon have 
road about the rich mask axid\A,'BdirQA\ ^^^^w^^a^ 


hftfi become of the rich man ?" The Uniyeraal- 
ist was silent, and I have never since h^ard of 
his troubling the Indians. 

May '8th. My inind has -been variously 
and rather singularly exercised for several days 
past. Sometimes I feel very cheerful; at 
others a fearful foreboding of someUiing to 
come. And yet my mind rests on the promises 
of Grod, and I feel that I could cheerfully resign 
myself into his hand, soul and body, for time 
and eternity. This very day I feel that Christ 
is all and in all ; and whether I live long, or suffer 
much, or die suddenly, I do know, blessed be 
God, that I am pardoned and accepted through 
the blood of the everlasting covenant. Still, in- 
explicable a^ it may seem, ray distress at times 
is almost utterly overpowering. Why or where- 
fore, I cannof tell. There is notlung in my 
circumstances', either inward or outward, to 
which I can attribute it. But in the midst of 
all I continue to look to God, and most sub- 
missively say, 

** Through firo and water bring 
Into the wealthy place ; 
And teach me the ne^ song to sing, 
When perfected in grace.** 

June 10th. My mind has been much more 
tranquil and free from anxiety since I last 
wrote ; and I have been much drawn out in 
prayer for a deeper work of grace in my own 
soul, and for the blessing of Grod to rest upon 
labours in school. For what is a know- 
o{ letters, of ihe aTt% ^ivdi «c\%\i^^%^ ^ili- 



out a knowledge of sins forgiven ? A mere 
empty pageant. But the union af both is a 
substantial acquisition, and prepares one not 
only for a useful life, but for a happy death, and 
glorious immortality. 

A succession of colds very materially affect- 
ing my lungs, has obliged me to discontinue my 
school for a short time ; so that I have been at 
liberty to visit my parents, and enjoy for a few 
days the society of my old friends. The relaxa- 
tion has been profitable to my soul as well as 
body. Some new arrangements in regard to 
the native schools have been in contemplation, 
which have occasioned me a degree of pain 
and anxiety ; but finally all has been settled to 
my perfect satisfaction. Blessed be God for all 
his mercies. 

July 30th. To-day we have had a severe 
thunder-storm, accompaniefd with hail and rain, 
together with a strong north-west wind, which 
has levelled fences, prostrated corn-fields, and 
broken many panes of glass. Tie mission 
premises have shared somewhat largely in the 
general ruin. What a mercy that I yet live ! 
Surely, " He who maketh the clouds his chari- 
ot, and walketh upon the wings of the wind," 
has been my " shield and buckler." Sister B. 
having gone to meeting, I was lefl alone, and 
had to exert myself exceedingly to keep the 
excited elements frohi bursting in the door, &c. 
But ray soul, calmly stayed upon God, was 
kept in perfect peace. Indeed, I have seldom 
enjoyed such elevation oU©^\xi%^\s««cs|,^nxss^^ 


inclined to rie with the elements in shouting 
the pnuses of my Axmiohty Friend. I had 
just been reading a sermon written by the Rev. 
John Dempster, on the shortness of time, which 
perhaps more fully prepared me for the storm. 
But no thanks are due to my natural courage ; 
for all is of grace. 

Aug. 21st Have jdst received a letter from 
my parents, advising and requesting me to 
come home, as the cholera is in our very neigh« 
bourhood. Under these circumstances they 
they think it not safe for sister B. and myself 
to remain here alone, and that we had better go 
among our friends. This indeed would be 
very gratifying to my natural feelings ; but I 
cannot feel justified in so doing at present, and 
have written to them accordingly. No doubt 
my parents feel deeply for my safety, and I 
would cheerfully obey their call if I thought 
Heaven would approve. But I must wait yet 
a little longer : it may be for the trial of my faith : 
or possibly I shall fall a victim to the dreadful 
malady. Well, be it so: I bad much rather 
die at my post, and have this frail tabernacle 
deposited on yonder side-hill to mingle with 
the dust of our red friends, than dishonour God, 
the supreme object of my affections. 

Sept. 7th. Being quite unwell near the close 
of the last month, and supposing my symptoms 
to indicate the cholera, I judged it prudent to 
return to my father^s. Availing myself of an 
easy carriage, I accordingly did so. But as 
jny beulth appeared muc^ \>Q>\x«t^ *\v nr^m iseif 


design to retfiru to the mission ibis si'ternooo. 
In this, however, I have been disappointed ; 
for in the morning I was again taken quite ill : 
and though I /succeeded in abating the violence 
of the attack, so that on the following sabbath I 
was much better, yet at about eleven o'clock at 
night I awoke in great distress. All my symp- 
toms indicated a violent attack of the disease 
just named. I called my sister M. and cousin 
£., who arose immediately and helped me 
down stairs, by which time my limbs grew 
cold, and it was with great difficulty I breathed. 
Though conscious of my danger I felt perfectly 
calm, and directed them to give me first a hot 
camphor sling, and then red pepper tea, to 
bathe my feet in warm water, and to rub my 
limbs with flannel made wet with strong vinegar 
and pepper, which, with the heat of a large fire, 
soon restored circulation and produced perspi- 
ration, when I became easy. But had I not, 
under the blessing of God, obtained speedy 
relief, it is not at all probable I should have seen 
the light of another day. Still my soul was 
exceedingly happy, and I silently gave glory to 
the God of heaven. I continued to improve ; so 
that on the succeeding Thursday I returned 
in company with my mother to the mission. 
We reached the mission-house between four 
and five o'clock in the afternoon, which we 
found locked up, and myhouserkeeper was gone. 
We were exceedingly fatigued, but wo got into 
the house, and took up our lodgings for the 
ni^ht, though I sleplbutA^Y^. kSM^\\s^^*i^^^ 


my mother went in pursuit of si3ter B. ; but as 
the natives with whom the latter had left word, 
did not understand well enough to give us 
suitable information, she returned about noon 
without her, bringing, however, a lovely little 
girl, Maryett, the daughter of the Rev. George 
Gary, to stay with me. As soon as we had 
dined she started off again, but did not return 
with sister B. till just at dark, and I am sure if 
I was ever glad t6 see my mother it was then ; 
for during her absence I was again taken ill 
with decided symptoms of the cholera. What 
a mercy I was not entirely alone ! The dear 
little girl, just named, said she would not leave 
me if I did have the cholera, unless it was to 
go and get a squaw to help take care of me ; 
" For," said she, " I can do any thing for you 
you will direct ; and now do, Miss Richards, 
lie down, for you look so distressed." The 
kindness of this child, only about ten years old, 
has left an impression on my mind time can 
never efface. May she never want a friend to 
administer to her necessities, or give her the 
cup of consolation in the time of sorrow ! 




Sept. 22d. Making use of the remedies we 
Jiad at command, I was xeUexe^ itom >\!Lf^ d\<^ 


tress noticed on the 7th instant, but so exceed- 
ingly dubious was the state of my health that it 
was judged hest for me to return immediately 
to the house of my father. So great was ray 
distress, however, that I was very fearful I 
should not be able to reach home. But being 
divinely supported we arrived the next day at 
about two o'clock, P. M., when I felt unspeak- 
able gratitude for a bed on which to rest a 
pained and wearied body. Remained very 
feeble till the following Monday, when I had a 
second attack, though a less severe one than 
the former. To-day, though- very feeble, and 
able to sit up but a part of the time, my pros- 
pect of returning health is rather more favoura- 
ble. I am kept from anxiety, being fully satis- 
fied if the Lord has any thing for me to do, 
that the strength requisite for the accomplish- 
ment of it will, in due time, be imparted : there- 
fore I am willing to be active, or lie perfectly 
passivQ in his hands. 

Oct. 30th. My health having considerably 
improved, I judged it my duty oiice more 
to return to the mission ; having been absent 
just nine weeks. Miss Mary Mahan, a pious 
young lady of the Presbyterian order, was 
employed to take my place in the school 
during my absence. Though she had taught 
only about four weeks, yet she had become 
so much attached to the scholars that she 
felt much in parting with them. In the even- 
ing we went to meeting, and heard James 
Johnson preach most poweIWX^I '\CL\»S!ij«».. >^. 


was indeed a refreshing time: Love and uDion 
still prevail among this dear people, and by conse- 
quence the work of God is still on the advance. 
Nov. 24th. Though my health has not been 
quite as good as usual since my late attack, yet 
I am thankful in having ano'ther opportitnity to 
record the loving-kindness of the Lord. Per- 
haps indeed it is hardly reasonable to expect 
good health, especially while I have so much 
upon my hands. Besides nay labour in school 
and fitting clothing for the children, I have had 
to take the immediate oversight' of putting my 
house in repair for winter. But 

** Labour is rest, and pain is sweet, 
If th'oa, my God, art here." 

On Monday I experienced an unexpected kind- 
ness at the hand of sister Gary ija the reception 
of a most desirable article of provision ; just 
what 1 had been thinking would relish, but had 
not the means to procure. O how I blessed 
her while I partook of her bounty! Did the 
wealthy but consider how much they have it in 
their power to do good in this way, the press- 
ing wants of many a poor missionary would be 
speedily relieved, ijowever, I am generally 
contented with such things as I have. It is not 
my desire, by any means, to fare sumptuously. 
No, indeed. My sole design in coming to the 
place was, to be useful to the souls and bodies 
of my fellow-creatures. And now, though I 
continue feeble, I attend to the duties of my 
school with unmingled pleasure. 
Dec, l-2th. Since xmtitk^xJaft ^w^ Ww^ 


been taken more unwell, and have been obliged 
to discontinue my school. Sometimes I fear 
1 shall have to leave for the winter-— tf not 
far ever. Painful thought, especially to leave 
at this season of the year, when the natives 
so much need my aid in fitting gartiients, and 
the like. But the Lord will provide. When 
he takes care of us we are in safe hands. I 
shall probably remain a few days, and then, if 
I do not feel better, leave for home. 

Friday 2l8t. I am able to sit up but little, 
having a regular fever and other threatening 
symptoms. Under these circumstances, it is 
thought, by the head chief and others, I had bet- 
ter leave, and accordingly I have determined to 
do so to-morrow morning. 

Saturday morning. As it was not generally 
known that I was going away, but few came in 
to take their leave of me. Some tears were 
shed; ' Indeed, it would be hardly possible to 
describe the emotions with which I lef% this 
consecrated spot — -perhaps to return no mare for 
ever. Having engaged Miss Mahan to take 
my place till I shall see how it will go with me, 
I started for home, being conveyed by brother 
Cornelius, a native,- and arrived there a little 
before night ; where I found alL well. 

Dec. 29th. What a blessing in the time of 
sickness to be beneath the paternal roof! 
Though probably the foundation of my com- 
plaint is not broken up, yet I am a little more 
comfortable. I feel a heavenly calm withvft> 
and eweetly'repoBe xnyaeVf on ^%\«!^^'®k.^\'^K^ 


Beloved. While meditating to-day on the fol- 
lowing passage I was greatly comfoitefii : '' The 
work of righteousness shall be peace ; and the 
effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance 
for ever." The consdousness of doing, and of 
having done, right, brings a present ** peace" to 
the mind, of which the wicked have no adequate 
conception : and then the blessed anticipation 
of " quietness and assurance for ever." Surely 
this is my inheritance. 

Jan. 2d, 1833. Yesterday, pursuant to invita- 
tion, all my father's family met at the house of 
my brother-in-law, Mr. J. C. When I reflected 
that, in all probability, it was the last time the 
whole family would be together, and especially 
that some of them, as I had reason to fear, 
were not prepared to die, my mind was deeply 
solenm and my heart much affected. I was led 
to pray with more than usual earnestness for 
the conversion of my brother-in-law, and have 
reason to believe he felt something of divine 
influence. He is naturally kind and affection- 
ate, and it seems he needs nothing but " the one 
thing needful" to make him happy and useful. 
O, if I could see him enjoying this before I go 
hence, my last wish with respect to him would 
be realized. 

March 12th. Some of our red brethren from 

Oneida have been to visit me, and have brought 

a letter from Miss Mahan. The intelligence is 

most gratifying. She has succeeded in esta- 

blishing a Sunday school^ which I would have 

been forward to do U I IolqAYi^ wxi£tfA«f)X«ta«^!fBk 


and a little more help. Between forty and fifty 
scholars are already attached to it! The Lord 
bless them. I have no greater joy,' except the 
peace of God in my own soul, than to hear of 
the prosperity of the poor Indians. The mis- 
sionary flame still, glows in iay heart, and 
though I would not be in the way of others, yet 
i sometimes cherish a faint hope that I shall so 
far recover my health as to be able to return to 
my much-loved employment. But in this, as 
in every thing else relating to my destiny, the 
will of the Lord be done. Should he see best 
to continue my afflictions, I trust through grace 
cheerfully to submit. 

24th. I am still spared, and have been able 
to read more to-day than usual, which I esteem 
a great privilege. Besides the word of God, 
several interesting tracts have come under my 
notice, the reading of which has given a new 
impulse to my religious feelings. Sometimes I 
think I never had a higher appreciation of my 
spiritual advantages than at present, and yet, 
alas, how little I enjoy ! 

" Jesus, raise me higher !'* 

Have just heard that good old father West is 
no more. He died happy in Grod, on the 12th 
of March last, at the house of his son. Dr. A. 
West, of Binghampton, Broome .county, with 
whom he has lived for several years. O how 
it makes my soul rejoice, when I think how 
many precious friends of mine have ^t safe 
hom^ to heaven ! Ycr, many ^\tf> ^tw|^ ^^^ 


laboured for my salvation are now waiting to 
welcome me into everlasting habitations. Well, 
thank God, I feel, that I am on the way, and 
that after a few more conflicts I shall join that 
much-loved company, who have come out of 
great tribulation, and have washed their robes, 
and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 
April 6th. At the request of the preacher in 
charge, our society met to-day for a kind of 
general class. Being myself too unwell to at- 
tend, I thought it might be well for me to enter 
into a close examination of my own heart at 
home. And, first, do I love God ? 1 do : 1 
have not the least doubt of it. But, do I love 
him as I ought, as is both tpy duty and privi- 
lege 1 I fear not : indeed, I am quite sensible 
I come far short of it; What then am I re- 
solved to do ? By the help of God I am re- 
solved to do better, to consecrate all my powers 
to him and his blessed service. The Lord 
mercifully strengthen me in my purposes. And 
now, do 1 love the children of God ? I have no 
doubt of it, — but am painfully impressed I have 
not been as faithful as I should have been in 
admonishing and reproving them, when I saw 
them out of the way : my own weakness and 
liability to err have operated as a sort of re- 
straint. The Lord forgive me wherein I have 
come short in this matter. Do I love poor sin- 
ners? In some measure, though I fear I do 
not at all times realize their danger as I should; 
for if 80, 1 slioviLld coTvXvciWQJilY urge them to re- 
pentance, and to UMiWe a\)s^ Ni^iik Ssst ^9u»Rfi&.^. 


God of love, help me for the time to come to 
b^ more faithful, and may I yet be the huDable 
instrumeDt of bringing some poor wanderer to 
the knowledge of the truth. 

Sunday 21st. Last Thursday the corpse of 
Mrs. K., who died of the consumption, perfectly 
resigned to the divine will, was carried by ; and 
to-day the procession has just passed with the 
remains of deacon Bishop, an aged and infirm 
man, but an exemplary Christian. 1 have been 
led to make the solemn inquiry, Who next shall 
be summoned to appear before God ? Merciful 
Father, is it I ? It is not improbable : I know 
of no one more likely to fall beneath the pale 
horse and his rider ; for I have sufiered much 
during the last twenty-four hours, and my 
h^th is constantly on. the decline. But in my 
greatest distress I feel unspeakable consolation 
intrusting in God, and relyidg upon his precious 
promises ; so that if referred to my choice to 
live or die, I could only say, "Thy will be 
done." I have proved grace sufficient in a 
thousand forms of affliction, and can now rest 
assured . that I ^hall not be forsaken, even if 
God should see fit to inflict still greater suffer- 

28lh. I am a little better, but I know not 
what a day may bring forth. When in my 
greatest distress a query often arises in my 
mind, whether, if I could be entirely healed of 
my infirmities, I would be willing to go again 
and instruct the Indians I I think I should, for 
J (eel the missionary sprnt *^ ViIliR.^ ^ ^^ ^Sqn^^ 


in my bones," although deeply hnmbled under 
a sense of my nnworthiness, having done so 
little in so good a caose. But the great Head 
of the church has a perfect right to choose 
whom he pleases to do his work, and he can 
easily lay aside an unprofitable instrument like 
myself, and select another ; or he can restore 
me, after I am sufficiently tried, and employ me 
again. I would, therefore, cheerfully submit to 
\na wise disposal, whether the result be life or 
death, knowing that he cannot err. 

May 25th. Have just received a most wel- 
come epistle from my cousin. Dr. J. W. R., 
containing his views on the subject of missions, 
accompanied with ten dollars collected by him- 
self from friends at White Creek, to assist in 
defraying expenses when I was employed at 
the Oneida mission. The contribution afforded 
me great relief; and O may Heaven's most 
precious blessing rest upon every donour ! 

Still very feeble, being able to sit up only a 
part of the time. But all is ordered in truth 
and uprightness. I could easily " borrow trou- 
ble," as the phrase is, and am indeed obliged to 
resist temptation. May the Lord give me pa- 
tience to suffer, grace to improve, and a full 
preparation to meet every providential dispen- 
sation ; and then all will be well. 

August 13th. My afflictions increase, but my 
consolations in Christ proportionately abound, 
and I feel there is nothing like religion. To- 
day the class leader from H., brother W. Buck- 
% hia wife, and sislew^. wAVi .^'W?^\»^!«i 


to visit US. What a blessing to have prapng 
associfLtes, aad to receive their godly admoni- 
tions ! We held sweet converse respecting the 
old land-marks, or highway of holiness, the 
perfect love of God filling the whole soul. 
Thank God, this doctrine remains good yet, 
and will till time shall end. O that we, as a 
people, fnay never lose sight of it! 

Sunday, Aug. 18th. While sitting alone this 
morning, being in severe bodily pain, I was 
meditating on the goodness of Grod, and felt a 
strong inclination to sing. Accordingly I com- 
menced, — 

*' Lord, all I am is known to thee, 
In vain my soul would try ;" 

and before I had concluded one verse my soul 
was. so filled with "joy in the Holy Ghost," 
that I could hardly refrain from shouting the 
praises of Grod. And when I retired to my 
" closef to pour out my soul to Him that " seeth 
in secret," O what a sacred nearness did I feel 
to. the triune Godl No wonder that my eyes 
j;)oured forth tears of gratitude, and that my un- 
divided heart was drawn out in love. Lord, let 
my dear brethren, ^now gathered together in thy 
name, participate in the same holy blessing ! 

Aug. 29th. The Rev. B. G. Paddock and 
wife made us a short but pleasant visit to-day, 
which brought many past occurrences yeiy dis- 
tinctly to my recollection. The first lime I 
ever saw him was at the house of father Cooley, 
on that memorable day when I was. baptized 
and joined society. Su\)!i^QpaL«vi\\^ V% nr'^^ ts^. 





our circuity and maay a time preached the g< 

ril to much profit in the dwelling of my fath 
remember at one time when he preached, tl 
the Spirit of God was so poured oat that s 
ners cried aloud for mercy ; and that when 
engaged in prayer for the daughter of deac 
P^ the latter came and t(4d her she must 
home. She reluctantly obeyed, but ezperien< 
religion soon afler. About, the same time ; 
other daughter of deacon P. found the Sayii 
under my father's roof. The prejudices of 
old gentleman, if not entirely removed, app 
now to be materially abated, so that he oc 
sionally meets with us with much apparent 

Thursday, October 3d. The forty-^st ; 
niversary of my natural existence. As in 
case of Job, " wearisome nights" as well 
days "are appointed unto me." I now hav 
regular fever, night sweats, a troubleso 
cough — ^in a word, the usual ■ accompanime 
of a confirmed hectic, the combined infiuei 
of which is gradually wasting my fiesh i 
strength. Well, be it so. My prospect brig 
ens beyond the tomb. 1 have not the le 
doubt that my peace is made with God throi 
the blood of the everlasting covenant, and sho 
I be soon called to pass " the dark valley f 
shadow of death, I will fear no evil." The £ 
chapter of St. James's Epistle has strengthei 
me, especially when tempted to fear my ] 
ce might not hold out under the gr 
I of bodily affliction xlbxou^ niVivcVv I 

'^ - <tf|nce 



called to pass. Precious book — the volume of 
divine inspiration ! 

Octot^r 22d. Though I have availed myself 
of the best medical advice within my. reach, I 
am still sinking under the accumulating weight 
of bodily disease. Still I can adopt the lan- 
guage of the plaintive Jeremiah: "The Lord 
is my portion, saith my soul, therefore will I 
hope in him." Twenty-four years ago the day 
before yesterday I united with the church in 
this place ; and although I feel like a mere 
cipher, it is a consolation to me to know that 
my name is still enrolled with the people of 
God. I hope to live and die in the Methodist 
Episcopal Church ; for I as firmly believe in 
its doctrine and discipline as ever: should 
others swerve from ilmxn, tliey must see to it ; 
" to their own master they stand or fall." 

The Rev. Mr. Seys* is,. I learn, appointed 
to the Oneida mission. He has moved into the 


mission-house where I lived, and is to teach 
the school. This is, it seems to. me, as it should 
be : live among the natives, and endeavour to 
do them all possible good. The Lord bless 
and prosper brother S. and his family in their 
arduous enterprise. 

Sunday, 27lh. Though I have suffered much 
since I wrote last, I am more comfortable to- 
day, and feel that God is still near. I am able, 
now and then, to read a chapter in the blessed 
Bible, or some of our hymns, or a biographical 

* Now superiDtendent of the Methodist miuioiis ui 
Westem Afiica. — Ilt>. 


sketch, or missionary report from that excellent 
paper, the Christian Advocate and Jotkrtial ; all 
of which affords me matter of praise and thanks- 
giving to God. My attention has been particu- 
larly drawn to the words of the lamented Cox : 
"Let a thousand fall before Africa- be given 
up !" I would rather say, Let the cause of mis- 
sions never, no never, be given up till all the 
nations of the earth are converted to God, even 
though millions should fall. ere that era arrive. 

" 'Tis a blessed work but just begun, 

Onward with time O may it run, 

Till time shall cease to be." 

Nov. 28th. My disease continues to wear upon 
mo, and I sometimes feel such depresision of 
spirits that I am tempted to think 1 am not 
wholly resigned to the will of God. If, how- 
ever, I am not, I am greatly deceived. What 
though I have not as much elevation of feeling 
as at some former times, 1 am still enabled to 
exercise an unshaken confidence in God ; a 
confidence, of which, I am persuaded, all the 
powers of darkness will not be able to deprive 


" Courage, my soul, on God rely, 
Dcliv'rance soon will come ; 
A thousand ways has Providence 
To bring believers home." 

30th. I have passed a very restless night, but 

feel a sweet calm throughout my soul. Surely 

the Lord is with me in the furnace. Yesterday 

Dr. M. called in to see me. After a little 

examination, he afjked ifte '\^\ \)DLO\vgDix\ ^VwM 


recover? I told him T could not reasonably 
expect it. He said ray disease was a very flat- 
tering one, and that sometimes those who wore 
afflicted with it thought themselves recovering 
till they were gone ! " Can you, said he," say 
with the apostle Paul, ' For me to live is Christ, 
and to die is gain V " What an unspeakable 
consolation that I could answer in the affirma- 
tive. And how differently did I feel on his de- 
parture, from what I did a few days since when 
a friend came in and said, " How do you do ?*' 
and, before I had time to answer him, proceed- 
ed, " Why are you not up washing ? I do not 
see but that your countenance looks as well as 
it has done for a long time." Now these words 
grieved me to the heart, though, as he has since 
assured me, they were doubtless spoken ironi- 
cally. His object was, in thus speaking, to 
suppress his own feelings and raise mine ; but 
I requested him never to attempt it again in 
' such a manner. A soft word or a kind look, 
accompanied with a comforting passage of 
Scripture, will do more to cheer and gladden 
the heart of the afHicted disciple than the most 
exquisite humour that was ever conceived. 

Sunday evening, Dec. Ist. The Rev. George 
White called at our house this afternoon, as he 
was too unwell to go to his appointment ; and, 
like a faithful minister of the New Testament, 
inquired into the state of my soul : a practice 
which, I am sorry to say, is too frequently 
neglected at the present day. And when he 
prayed, tbo Holy Spirit was »o ^vx^^^ '^ssCsJ^^ 


that, " ere I was aware, my soul waa made like 
the chariots of Arami-nadib,'' and I was con- 
strained to glorify Grod-with a loud voice. May 
the useful life of brother W. be long spared, 
and may he be a great blessing to the church 
in general, and to the circuit in particular ! 

Dec. 29th. Through the tender tnercy cf 
God I have been able to read more within the 
last three weeks than during two' months be- 
fore. Yes, I have had quite a feast in reading 
the first volume of Doctor A. Clarke's Life ; for 
almost every page would call forth the tear df 
sympathy or the smile of joy. Good and great 
man, he now rests from his labours and suffer- 
ings, and his works do follow him ! And while 
I admire the spirit of the author^ as well as the 
style in which the book is written, I would ad- 
dress an ardent petition to the throne of grace 
that I may, according to ray humbly capacity, 
follow him as he followed Christ ; for it was, 
in my apprehension, his deep piety, no less than 
his extraordinary literary attainments, that dis- 
tinguished his character. 

January 1st, 1834, (Wednesday evening, six 
o'clock.) I have been reviewing my past life, 
and am humbled as in the dust under a sense 
of my unworthiness. Not a few within the 
circle of my acquaintance, who a year since 
were healthy, active, and vigorous, have gone 
the way of all the earth. And wherefore am I 
spared ? Is it not th«t I may glorify thee, O 
thou Moat High ? Gracious Redeemer, help me, 
hence forthj to answer the gTce«A ^tv^o\ m-^X^sw^V 


I have been confined to the house a little 
more than four months, and at times suffer 
much ; but how little in comparison with what 
my Saviour suffered for me : and yet I have 
sometimes been reminded of his agony,' when 
''liiis sweat was a^ it were great drops of blo^ 
falling down to the ground:" Still, if I ]|po^ 
my own heart, I am willing to live and sdfffer, 
or to suffer and die ; only so that God may^be 
glorified, and my salvation finally secured. ' 4; 

This morning I commenced reading the first 
chapter in Genesis, at noon the first Psalm, and 
at evening the first chapter in St. Matthew's 
Gospel ; and, in the same progressive order, I 
design, .should my life be spared, to read my 
Bible through. How manifold are thy mercies, 
O Lord God Almighty! May I never cease 
praising thee ! 

^ As our Christian Advocate and Journal did 
not come this week, we borrowed one. My sister 
has just been reading the good news, especially 
that which relates to the prosperity of the 
Oneida miersion. Not only are the schools again 
flourishing, but the pagan Indians are turning 
to the Lord ; in view of which my soul rejoices 

25th. I am some better, yet in my most com- 
fortable moments have sufficient pain to remind 
me of my mortality and of' approaching eter- 
nity. I nave some happy seasons in waiting 
on God in secret, while my prospects remain 
as clear as ever with regard to a future world. 
Aa we now have ^ ptott%xi\j^^ m^tJ^^v^s^ 'S^^ 


gress, we have been favoured with the company 
of the reverend brethren Gary, Barnes, Puffer, 
and White. There are, however, so many 
stumbling-blocks in the way that we fear little 
good will be done. And yet it is possible for 
Him who seeth not as man seeth to overrule 
these adverse circiunstances, and to bless the 
preaching of his own truth to the a«vakening- 
and conversion of sinners. Would to Grod it 
may be so ! 

Feb. 5tlu The meeting above mentioned was 
concluded rather abruptly on Sunday afternoon, 
in consequence of a severe snow-storm. No 
doubt Satan was well pleased ; and how far his 
agency was concerned it is impossible to say ; 
for he is doubtless still " the prince of the.power 
of the air." His kingdom was evidently in 
danger, for not only was there a general ap- 
parent seriousness, but several had arisen for 
prayers. Of this number was the daughter of 
our late brother Seth Smith, who, on the Wed- 
nesday evening following, was happily convert- 
ed to God at Sauquoit, where our brethren have 
made a most successful extra effort. Would 
that circumstances were such as to authorize 
the expectation of a general effusion of the Holy 
Spirit ! But God deals with us as rational, ac- 
countable creatures. O that, as such, we may 
repent and turn to him with weeping and sup- 
plication ! and then it may be that the Holy 
Spirit will once more return to this highly 
favoured people. 
For myself, I feel thatevei^ 4^^ q>1\k^ ^Xtfst^ 


life brings me deeper and deeper in debt to 
grace, as well as nearer and nearer to eternity. 
And when I realize the abounding mercy of 
God, and contrast my situation with that of 
many with whom I am acquainted, I feel like 
humbling myself before God in gratitude for all ; 
yea, even for my afflictions ; for although I 
cannot as yet fully comprehend their design, or 
trace the immediate connection between them 
and the intended benefit, yet I have no doubt 
they will promote my greatest good, if " by pa- 
tient continuance in well doing, I seek for glory, 
and honour, and immortality, and eternal life." 

Monday, April 21st. My father being ill, our 
neighbour, the- Rev. Mr. Tompkins, kindly call- 
ed m to see us. His prayer was warm and 
fervent, and my heart was soft, penitent, and 
grateful, i^hen he prayed that we might contrast 
our situation with that of the poor heathen who 
know not God and who hear not his gospel. 
Though we are afflicted we have the blessings 
of a bountiful Providence, and above all-the in- 
estimable felicity of peace with God here, and 
the promise of eternal life hereaHer. What 
more can we ask ? 

Sunday, 27th. Have spent most of the day 
alone, searching the Scriptures, reading the 
life of Dr. Clarke, and supplicating the throne 
of grace for myself and others. But in the 
midst of all, I have been troubled with a wan- 
dering mind. What are all my works till thou, 
O God, thy quickening Spirit give ? O come 
nndjix my heart on things i\iON^\ 



In reading the life of Dr. C. I met with the 

following sentiment which exactly accords with 

my own views and feelings : — " I have never 

fallen out with life, but nave ollen fallen out 

with myself, because I have spent it no better : 

to remedy this, I should be glad, 'with my prie- 

sent experience, to live life over again. I do 

not admire the thought that, 

* Life does not more time 6app!^ 
Than just to look about ana die.* 

This sentiment, practically regarded, would be 
the creed of the sluggard and the coward. No : 
there is in life much to be done, much to be 
learned, and much to be suffered : we should 
live in time in reference to eternity. This I 
know, God's mercy has had a great deal to do 
to bring us thus far : it will have more to do to 
bring us to the verge of the eternal world : and 
it will have most of all to do to bring us to 
glory,"— Vol. iii, p. 218. 

May 15th. There fell such a depth of snow 
last night, that I have seen two sleighs go past 
this morning ; and the whistling of the north- 
west wind sounds more like January than May. 
My sister has just brought in a piece of ice 
nearly an inch thick, and the lilac before my 
window, which looked so fresh a few days 
since, really presents a sorrowful aspect. By 
the one I am reminded of my own frailty ; and 
by the other of the cold hand of death. But my 
trust is in the living God. 

j ** Perish the grass, av)A i9ji\& >^« ^w%t^ 

If firm tho word oi C3tod i^Tsi^Mft.^ 


June 9th. We have omitted holding the anni- 
versary of our female missionary society till 
to-day, in order to obtain an address from the 
Rev. brother Seys, missionary at Oneida. He 
came with brother G. White fend six of our na- 
tive brethren, all of whom I was trnly glad to 
see. Sister Spaulding, who has been the 
teacher of the Schuyler party, came also, ac- 
companied by three sisters from the York 
Mills, whose hearts are glowing with the mis- 
sionary flame, uiid who are anxious to be em- 
ployed in some way in promoting the salvation 
of the world. One of them, sister Jane Loyd, 
thinks of going the coming autumn to Africa in 
company with brother Seys and family.* God 
of love, spare their useful lives, and prepare 
them for the greiat work before them ; and may 
many a poor African, snatched by their instru- 
mentality from ignorance, wretchedness, and 
ruin,ride up at the last day and call them blessed! 

While all were gone to the missionary meet- 
ing, and as I was resting myself upon my bed, 
and meditating bn the glorious cause, my soul 
was so exceedingly elevated and blest that I 
could not refrain from glorifying God with a 
loud voice. The meeting, I was told, was 
quite interesting. After the address by brother 
S., two of the natives spoke with great simpli- 

* She went, and fell a victim to the Afncan fever. 
Thoagh of hamble parentage and poesesaed of few per- 
sonal or intellectual accomjfuishments, yet she was deeply 
pious, and doubtless now ahuvea %.tROft%%\ax%^^ '^^^ ^^^"^ 
magnitude in the kingdom of Ood..— ^ik. 


city and force, when a third, formerly my 
pupil, closed with prayer in his own tongue. 
All took dinner and tea with us ; after which 
brother Seys made a ipost tender and appropri- 
ate prayer, commending us to God and the 
word of. his grace. We ^len separated with 
the expectation that few, if any, of us would 
meet again on this side of the heavenly world. 
A large number of our red brethren are about 
to emigrate to Green Bay: among them is 
John Cornelius, a local preacher, who has just 
taken his leave. May he preach the blessed gos- 
pel to thousands of his brethren in the far west, 
who now sit in darkness ; and may I long re- 
member his last request — " Pray for me when 
I ain there !" Farewell, my red brethr.en, affec- 
tionately farewell, till we all meet in heaven ! 

June 23d. Mr. Freeman Judd, of Northeast, 
Pa., and cousin to my father, spent the sabbath 
with us. Though a useful man he is really an 
oddity. When living in Connecticut, and in 
his wild career, he climbed the lightning rod at- 
tached to the meeting-house steeple and wedged 
the vane, alleging that he wanted fair weather 
during the approaching election ! I have heard 
him say that he used to get out of his chamber 
window on stilts sixteen feet high, and walk 
around the streets ; and that, while thus eleva- 
ted, he once looked in at the gallery windows 
in time of worship !* But though still charac- 
teristically quaint, he is indeed " a new crea- 

* These stiJts, I have heatA \t a^iid^ai^ tio'k inthe New-^ 
York Museum. — Ed. 


ture." And as he was a revolutionary soldier, 
so now is he the bold soldier of the cross. For 
a man of his age, being now seventy-eight, his 
memory is remarkable, enabling him to repeat 
most of the New Testament with surprising 
accuracy. Yesterday he preached in our place 
to the admiration of a large congregation. I 
found his company profitable, and under his 
exhortations and prayers was almost led to 
hope for the restoration of my health ! 

July 26th. Have rode out a little distance 
every 4ay for five days past, and to-day have 
rode about two miles. I feel no more fatigued 
than would be naturally expected, confined as 
I have been to my room for fifteen months. I 
have not felt so comfortable at any time within 
the last year and a half, as I have during the 
last two weeks. Surely unto God belongs the 
glory, while much subordinate praise is due to 
my worthy • physicians, Doctors Green and 
Colwell, whose faithful services I shall long 
hold in grateful remembrance. Were it not for 
the blessing of God on their endeavours to 
raise a poor worm, I should probably, long ere 
this, have been numbered with the pale tenants 
of the tomb. And though I am not well, being 
able to sit up only a part of the day, yet my 
health is moderately improving, and there is 
reason to hope for still further improvement. 
But I fear I shall not live answerably to the 
mercies received. If I am permitted to visit 
among my friends, [ see a field of usefulness i 
before me But, Lord of \ie«\x)^ ^.xAxM^^^^ww^^ ' 


who is sufficient for these things ? The cross 
must be borne or condemnation will follow. 
Of this I am loudly admonished by ray own 
past experience. And shall I prove a coward, 
or turn a traitor ? Heaven forbid ! I would 
rather fearlessly own that Name, " which is 
above every name," and which to me is more 
precious than rubies. • O for wisdonn to direct 
and grace to support me in tlie way of 

Aug. 30th.^ I have once more been able to 
call on some of my old friends, as well as to 
visit my sisters at their pleasant homes ; a 
blessing which, a few months since, I hardly 
expected ever again to enjoy. I have also been 
able to call upon a few sick persons, in. whose 
cases I recognize a mirror into which I cannot 
look without profitable reflections. Taught by 
long and painful experience to symps^thize with 
them, may I be enabled to conlmend them to 
the " Hope of Israel and the Saviour thereof in 
the time of trouble." O there is a "better 
country" than this, " even a heavenly :" 

"No chilling winds nor poisonous breath 
Can reach that healthful shore ; . 
Sickness and sorrow, pain and death. 
Are felt and fear'd no more." 

Oct. 21st. Have beeji to Waterville, where I 
called on Dr. G. and paid him the balance due 
for his professional services. And now, strict- 
ly speaking, I am indebted to no person ; ow- 
Ifog nothing but love and good will to human 
I do pot, howe^eT, ^oi^ex. iW I am 

MI- Mom Ol I. LTV ivl( IIAKIJS. 23ii 

so deeply in debt to grace that I have no hope 
of discharging the amazing sum.^ 

26th. Kept from the house of God by reason 
of stormy weather, but have not forgotten that 
it is the sabbath, and that they w^ worship 
Go4 must do it in spirit and in truth. I have 
this day finished reading my Bible through by 
course, pursuant to resolution formed the first 
day of the present year. I bless God that I feel 
an increasing attachment to his precious word, 
and more than ever realize that, so far from be- 
ing a mere dead letter, it is spirit and life. O 
God, " sanctify me through thy truth," and per- 
fect the work of grace in my poor heart ! 

Sunday, Nov. 2d. Have had many tempta- 
tions and hard conflicts, and am convinced I 
need' more religion. But notwithstanding all 
my unworthiness, I have found comfort in 
reading the word of God in secret on my knees, 
and in praying for. an increase of faith. Last 
night I dreamed of hearing L. D. preach, and 
describe the death-bed of the saint, and so deep 
was the impression made on my mind that I 
was happy when I awoke. I cannot assent to 
the position that 

'* Dreams are but interludes which fancy makes ; 
When monarch reason sleeps, this raiinic wakes.*' 

How much more evangelical the sentiments o( 
the Night Thoughte : 

" For human weal Heaven husbands all events, 
Dull sleep instructs, nor sport dull dreams io vain." 

Yes, even in dreams and visions of the night ^ 
God opens the ears of mMi, «;iA%^<«\«!^M^\QaB^ ^ 



instruction. Job xxxiii, 16. So the good L 
often communicates himself to me in the ni 
watches. Any way, O thou supreme deli 
of my soul, only so speak that thy unwor 
handmaid may hear and understand. 

Heard brother Roper preach a blessed e 
mon to-day on Isa. ii, 5. He was much afi) 
ed, and I deeply felt the force of gospel trut 

Friday 28th. My cough has returned in c 
* sequence of a violent cold; so that Ihave 
quite poorly for-several days. But I have no r 
son to complain. It is a great mercy that I hi 
enjoyed so many blessings, and that I am 
now wholly confined to my bed. But it is a i 
greater mercy that I am permitted to feel t 
Grod is mine and I am his, and that his preci< 
cause lies very near my heart. I can neit 
forget the missionary of the cross, nor th< 
native brethren and sisters who have as 
" Pray for us and our children." Often in 
sleep do I seem to be teaching them, and 
bouring to do them goodr Certain I am tl 
had I health, nothing would gi\^ tne higher c 
isfaction than to be employed among them ; 
God does all things well. 

Sunday, April 5, 1835. Brother Roper prea 
ed to-day on Gal. vi, 9, " And let us not 
weary in well doing ; for in due season 
shall reap if we faint not." I sat under 
word with great profit and delight. In class 
had a comforting season. Three young jc 
verts joined society, and one by certifier 
There are now only two ta^tc^act^ \tv ^Ki^> 


who belonged when I joined. Some have re- 
moved, a few have backslidden, and others 
have joined the church triumphant. I have 
been looking back to the time of my espousals 
to Christ and union with . his people ; and I 
bless God for his guiding, protecting, and sup- 
porting grace, by which I have been so far 
kept from falling into sin as to retain my stand- 
ing in the church ; still enjoying peace with 
Heaven and fellowship with the saints. * * * 
Since tea I have noticed an occurrence which 
I do not recollect ever before to have witness- 
edy namely, heavy thunder and sharp lightning 
amidst a shower of falling snow. 

June 5th. Have just read in the Western 
Christian Advocate an account of the death of 
sister L. Woods, formerly Louisa Willard. 
She died April 20, 1835, at Madison station, 111., 
(of which her husband had charge,) leaving a 
little daughter not quite a year old. Though 
death came upon her like a thief in the night, 
she was fully prepared, having previously ex- 
perienced the great blessing of perfect love. 
As she was one of the number who listened to 
the reading of the novel, mentioned in chapter 
viii, her death brought many past occurrences 
into most vivid- and affecting recollection. But 
my heart rejoices, that she has, after all, been 
saved by grace, and has, no doubt, safely ar- 
rived in heaven. May I meet her there when 
my pilgrimage shall end I 

July 9th. I have been able^ thxow.^ ^3c^ 
mercy of God, to alteni \\x"ft Cr^xoc^ xaa^'^ft^i 



which, during the week past, has been held i\ 
or three miles north of our residence. The li 
day, especially, was a good one to my soi 
We had a profitable love-feast, and my hei 
was made soft while I approached the table 
the Lord. It was sweet to hold communi 
with the God of love, and to enjoy the fello' 
ship of his saints. Brother Bowen, our pi 
siding elder, appeared to be in his clemei 
while with tears in his eyes he cfxclaimc 
" Glory to God"—" God is love." My whc 
soul joined in the sentiment. Believers wc 
sanctified, and sinners justified, but how ma: 
I cannot say. At i\^ meeting I saw some 
my former friends, whom I had not seen 1 
years ; some of whom seemed ripe for heave 
I would particularly name father Nichols.* 
also saw some of my red brethren, and some 
the very interesting children that belonged 
my school, whom I had not seen since I- 1 
the mission ; and it affords me much consol 
tion to know that the pious part of them are si 
urging their way to hea\en. A most mela 
choly casualty occurred at the close of o 
meeting. As Mrs. Gilbert, a member of t 
Presbyterian Church, and her daughter wc 
descending the hill about one mile distant frc 
the camp-ground, their horse took fright a 

* Howe Nichols, of Sauquoit. Soon after the date 

the above entry he fell asleep in Christ, full of years, i 

ripe for heaven. Many years will probably elapse bef 

lie will be forgotten in the p\ac^ ol Ida residence. Ai 

stdnrard and a leader he vvus <yab ot x\A^eix.— ^t^. 


ran, throwing both with dreadful violence to the 
ground. The mother was killed instantly ; 
tho daughter, though seriously injured, it is 
thought will recover. " Boast not thyself of to- 
morrow ; for thou knowest not what a day may 
bring forth." 

July 31st. I have been very much tried with 
myself for several days past, in view of the little 
progress I am making in the Christian jour- 
ney, especially when I see how far the young 
converts outstrip me : indeed, I ought to be 
ashanred, and to humble myself as in the dust 
before God. Holiness of heart and life appears to 
be the theme not only of some of our elder breth- 
ren, but even of those who have quite recently 
passed from death unto life. Some profess to 
have experienced the great blessing of perfect 
love, and others appear to be groaning after it : 
would that it prevailed generally throughout our 
church! Last night we had what some would 
call " an old-fashioned prayer meeting." - God 
was in the midst of his people of a truth, and 
one precious soul at least was translated from 
the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of 
God's dear Son. Hallelujah to God and the 
Lamb ! 

Aug. 10th. To-day all my father's family, 
with the exception of a few grand-children, met 
at brother Irish's, where brother and sister Gil- 
more gave us the parting hand, designing to re- 
move to West Bloomfield, having sold their 
possessions here and made . a purchase there : . 
so that we must be sep^xaXe^. '^^wJwisJc} ^^ 


shall not all meet again till we are assembled 
before the bar of final retribution : and yet 
some of us, it is to be feared, are not prepared 
for the scrutiny of that day. Solemn thought ! 
My father prayed most earnestly that we might 
all meet in heaven. Gracious Redeemer, an- 
swer our supplications, and may we make '^ a 
family in heaven !" One year ago the first of 
last January I commenced praying /Kir^uru^Wy 
for my brother W., and my brother-in-law G,; 
and though I have remembered them at the 
throne of grace every day since, and yet see no 
more signs of their conversion to God than at 
first, still will 1 continue my intercessions. O 
God, I would renew my covenant with thee 
this evening, still hoping that prayer offered iti 
the name of Christ will prevail ! 

On my return home I attended the funeral of 
a little boy aged twelve years. One week yes- 
terday he was a promising scholar in the Sunday 
school : but to-day he sleeps in the grave ! 

12th. Attended the funeral of Mr. Alexander. 
On Monday he was taken with bleeding at the 
nose, and died the same night, doubtless from 
loss of blood.. Thus passeth away the glory 
of this world ! 

Sunday, Aug. 23d. Went with my sister M. 
to Sauquoit, where I. heard brother W. preach 
two sermons, I trust with some profit. During 
the intermission I walked in the grave-yard, 
where I found sister Nichols returning from a 
newly made grave, and found, on inquiry, that 
ber beloved BerxydXDXVL loaA V^eetL mxoct^j. there 


but a few days before. All however was well, 
for he died in peace. " So sleep the dead !" 
Of many of my former friends all that is now 
visible is their tomb-stone.. Well, I shall soon 
join them. Took tea (or rather water, not hav- 
ing practised tea-drinking for the last ten years) 
with brother Elijah Davis, called on brother 
and sister Graves, and on my way home stop- 
ped to see and comfort a palsied old lady, Mrs. 
N. I felt myself comforted while repeating to 
her the precious promises of the gospel ; and 

that she may lay hold on them by faith ! 
31st. Still will I suffer and submit. I have 

been making calculations to accompany my 
brother and sister Irish on a visit to Rhode 
Island. My physician advised the journey, and 

1 saw nothing to hinder it ; though it has been 
my prayer that, if it were not best for me to 
go, my way might be hedged up. 

Sept. 4th. My afflictions remain, but T bless 
God my soul is happy. In prayer meeting last 
evening my joys were unspeakable, while my 
evidence of acceptance with God was as clear as 
the noon-day sun ; and to-day all is calm, and 
joy, and peace, and heaven. I have just re- 
turned from visiting a poor man who came with 
his wife on a visit to our neighbourhood, and 
was soon after attacked with a violent fever. 
He had been much deranged, but was quite ra- 
tional when I called, and seemed much pleased 
to have me converse with him. He confessed 
himself a backslider, but thought he should U:v% J 
the life of a true diseipV^ sYioxiXdL ^'&\jsst\«^ 


him. " O," said he, " I would give thousands 
of worlds, if I had them at command, were I 
as good a Christian as I believe some to be.^ 
He has since both recovered and found peace 
to his soul. Glory be to God for his abound- 
ing mercy ! 

17th. My health is evidently on the decline, 
and I am able to sit up only a part of the 
day. I have chills and some fever; my rest 
is much disturbed ; and my appetite fails. 
But O heaven I sweet heaven! not a pain can 
enter there. I f^el that as my afflictions in- 
crease my joys in Christ proportion ably abound : 
and as I cannot go to meeting, I bless God 
that I can find him at home. Yes, he is every- 
where. O thou omnipresent God, shine forth ; 
shine into my poor heart ; 

** Seal thou ray breast, and let me wiar 
The pledge of love forever there." 

Oct. 6th. Still failing. Some of the time I 
have felt to mourn l)ecause I was so stupid, 
and could realize no more of the divine pre- 
sence. Still my peace has remained undisturb- 
ed, and within a few days God has been pre- 
paring me for a heavy trial by imparting more 
fully ihe enjoyment of his love. 

On Saturday last my dear father was taken 
very ill, and continuing so on sabbath, we sent 
for a physician. Every thing was done that 
experience and skill could suggest, but appa- 
rently to no purpose. He continues to fail, 
and I have my feats thai his time with us is 
short. Still I must \n:a.y, V\v^\ *\^ ^^mvaNss^ 


with the divine will, he may be spared yet 
another and another year. 
. The day he was taken sick he remarked to 
me, that we ^* had got almost to the end of the 
road '" and then spoke with much feeling of the 
remarkable health he had enjoyed for the last 
two or three years. "But," said he, "we 
have got almost through, whether in the right 
road or not." My heart was too full for utter- 
ance, though I felt that / enjoyed " the witness 
of the Spirit," and had no doubt that he was 
travelling toward the celestial city. 

Saturday, 10th. Alas, my fears respecting 
my dear father have been realized ! He con- 
tinued to fail, and on Wednesday morning we 
sent to Waterville for Dr. Colwell to come and 
eoimsel with the attending physician. But 
science, and skill, and friendship, were unavail- 
ing. All was done that man could do, but all 
could accomplish nothing against the Irrevoca- 
ble mandate of Heaven. About ten in the even- 
ing I arose and approached his bed-side, and 
what a mercy that I could even do this ! I said, 
" Father, do yoii know me ?" " Lucy," he repli- 
ed more audibly than he had done for hours, 
" yes." I continued, " Do you feel as if you 
bad got almost home ?" He replied, " Yes." I 
said, " I am close behind, and so are the rest 
of us." He said, " Yesj" faintly, and then fell 
asleep. The physician soon awoke him, and 
made every effort to dislodge the phlegm whi4 *■ 
was evidently accumulating in the throaty 
on the vital organs ; but i^w»\^ \v%. ^^ 


succeeded, yet my dear parent continued to 
sink into the cold embraces of " the last enemy." 
As the weather had been rainy, few of the 
brethren knew that he was sick, and those that 
did know it were not particularly alarmed, as 
he frequently had ill turns. Hence few were 
present besides the physician, who was a pious, 
good man. I asked the doctor and some of th& 
family to join in singing some of my father's 
favourite hymns. Accordingly we sung, " Je- 
sus my all to heaven is gone'' — " And let thi» 
feeble body fail" — and some others. O what a 
heavenly scene! who can describe it? Surely 
it will be faintly done by me. His counte- 
nance was placid and serene. He looked al 
us very wishfully, and seemed to exert all his 
strength to speak to us — but in vain. We gazed 
upon him with unutterable emotion, and yet 
were able to sing, — 

" I suffer on my threescore years 

Till my Deliverer come ; 
., And wipe away his servant's tears, 
And take his exile home.'* 

It seemed to me that I could almost hear him 
say, " I'm glad 'tis so ; go on, and soon you'll 
meet me there." The glory of God appeared 
to fill the house, and with calm resignation, 
though in broken accents, we again sung, — 

" Give joy or grief, give ease or pain, 
Take life or friends away : 
But let us find them all again 
In that eternal day.- ' 

His breath grevr a\iOTi«t ^si^ ^^tv«t^ ^sn.\ 


without moving a limb^ or heaving a sigh, or 
uttering a groan, he sweetly fell asleep in Je- 
sUs oh Thursday about six o'clock in the morn- 
ing, October 8, 1835, aged seventy-one years, 
seven months, and fifteen days. After his eyes 
M^re closed, and his remains put in a proper 
posture, our kind physician commended us to 
God and the word of his grace in a most tender 
and appropriate prayer. The funeral was at- 
tended by a large congregation at the Episco^ 
ml church, and the sermon preached by the 
Rev. Wm. N. Pearne, on Psa. xc, 12, " So 
teach us to number our days that we may apply 
our hearts unto wisdom." I was so feeble that I 
had scarcely expected to hear the sermon ; but 
this precious promise was verified : " As thy 
day is, so shall thy strength be." 

Oct. 19th; My health is a little improved, 
and I have often been astonished at the good- 
ness of God in comforting, strengthenings and 
supporting us during the week pas^. My dear 
mother's health hais not been as good in a long 
time ; and dear sister Melinda, who was well 
nigh worn down with care and fatigue, is still 
wonderfully supported. We do, indeed, great- 
ly miss our dear parent and head, especially 
when we come around the family altar: but 
God is there. And when we come to the 
table, his blessing is as graciously vouchsafed 
as humbly solicited. Nor do we feel that lone- 
liness which we rather painfully anticipated. 
Bttt as all is of grace, so to God bQloxi^^aJHthA 


Sunday evening, Oct. 25tb. Last Tbarsda^ 
felt uncommonly dull in mind, and was mu 
distressed in body. It seemed as tbougb I b: 
a weigbt attacbed to botb, and was sometim 
tempted to tbink it would do no good to pra 
But tbougb to buraan reason it migbt sec 
probable enougb tbat such prayers as tMne con 
be productive of no special benefit, I did r 
listen to tbe adversary. And, as God looke 
at tbe beart, be knew tbe object at wbicb I w 
aiming, namely, bis glory and my own saivatia 
Blessed be bis name, be appeared for tbe reli< 
in some good degree at least, of botb soid ai 
body ; so tbat I was tbe better prepared to ^enj< 
tbe society of Rev. brotber Adams, wbo put i 
witb us during tbe nigbt. His conversatii 
was edifying, and bis prayers consoling. Wh 
a tender cbord is made to vibrate wben a friei 
from abroad, unacquainted witb our irreparab 
loss, calls and asks for my dear departed parei 
This bas occurred three times to-dav. 

The weather being fine, I have been perm 
ted to mingle this day once ntore witb tbe sair 
of the Most High in tbe place of bis boline: 
" Jjord, I have loved the habitation of tbii 
bouse, tbe place where thine honour dwelletl 

This evening I spend alone, mother and si 
ter having gone to prayer meeting ; and yet r 
alone, for my Saviour is witb me. I nev 
wish to detain any one from the bouse of w( 
ship for mere company's sake, if I am able 
take care of myself. lt\deed, 1 am so far frc 
feeling gloomy or louesome vxudex «vw^ cae\s 


Stances, that I often remain alone from choice. 
And I have recently thought that if the loss of 
a friend is ever compensated by the more full 
and abundant enjoyment of the divine presence, 
I have had the proof of it in my own experience. 
Tuesday evening, Oct. 29th. Called at Dr. 
Larrabee's to-day, and spent an hour or two in 
profitable conversation with Mrs. L. She re- 
lated some of her early experience in the things 
of religion ; but what is still better., she now 
enjoys the love of God, and appears to be 
thirsting after more. The doctor, she says, 
has been much more engaged in prayer since 
the death of my father. O God, wake up thy 
people, in all our churches^ '^ and keep them 
still awake ;-' so that the times of refreshing 
may speedily come from thy blessed presence ! 
I am admonished by every day's observation of 
the necessity of being a whole-hearted Chris- 
tian ; and yet, alas, how many blanks and va- 
cancies occur in the pages of my past history! 
So conscious am I of my imperfections, that I 
am sometimes led to ask myself whether I am 
not a hinderance to others in seeking salvation. 
God of infinite wisdom, thou knowest ! " Search 
me, and know my heart ; try me, and know my 
thoughts ; and see if there be any wicked way 
in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." I 
am not conscious, however, of doing any thing 
wUfuUy to dishonour the cause of God ; and yet, 
alas, how little do I do to promote it ! I now 
solemnly resolve in the streng^^v o^ \.\v^ \jSi\^>» 
be more faithful. 1 \iave Yi^ ^ ^erj ^v\««i^ 


time in prayer, and my soul has been deeply 
humbled within, while I have -felt that God was 
all around me. 

Nov. 15th. As the duty of leading in family 
worship has chiefly devolved on me since the 
death of my dear father, I have been sorely 
tempted to omit it, especially when persons are 
present who do not profess religion. But in 
the strength of grace I have resolved to go for- 
ward in the way of duty. Ah, how could we 
live without a family altar, considering the 
trials and afflictions to which we are constantly 
exposed ! And in the use of this blessed means 
of grace how often are we fed and refresheid ! I 
trust, indeed, that the domestic altar long since 
erected in this consecrated habitation will 
never be neglected so long as the name of 
Richards is associated with it. Lord, strength- 
en my feeble lungs, and help me, in unison 
with our little domestic band, to pray, and 
praise, and bear the daily cross, till permitted to 
join the pure and perfect company before thy 
throne ! 

Sunday evening, Nov. 29th. Blessed be God 
for all his mercies ! They are exceedingly 
manifold, new every morning and fresh every 
evening. Last week that dear servant of God, 
the Rev. E. Bo wen, with his wife, visited us. 
The topics of conversation were such as be- 
came candidates for immortality, and I felt my- 
self divinely comforted and blest. But after 
they were gone 1 v}^% ^qx^V^ temi^ted on 
account of a briei metftovx W^ \satcs.^^\ ^ 


my dear departed parent. At the request of 
brother B. I had drawn up such a memoir, ex- 
pecting be would make suqh an extract from it 
as would be suitable for publication : but he had 
forwarded the whole, to which I thoughtlessly 
gave consent. I knew it was too long for the 
columns of the Christian Advocate and Jour- 
nal,* and, upon further reflection, was afraid 
the editors would think I had taken unwarrant- 
able liberty. But in submitting all to Christ, I 
found sweet consolation. 

Last night brother Goodrich, one* of the 
preachers on oiu* circuit, put up with us. He 
is a praying man, and enjoys, I believe, the 
blessing of perfect love. To-day he preached 
in the demonstration of the Spirit, on Psalm 
xviii, 3, — " I will call upon the Lord, who is 
worthy to be praised : so shall I be saved from 
mine enemies." I still feel that God is my por- 
tion and exceeding great reward. Hallelujah 
to his name ! Amen and' amen. 

Thursday evening, Dec. 3 1 st, 1 835. My mind 
is exceedingly solemn, as I have been reflect- 
ing on the variegated scenes of the year now 
hear its close. I have suffered much pain, and 
have seemingly been near the grave ; and then 
again, as it were, thrust back to life. Still I am 
not free from a mearsure of bodily suffering, and 
probably never shall be till mortality is swal- 
lowed up of life. But how does the prospect 
of an ** eternal weigitt of glory" outweigh all 
'* these Ught afllictions !" I 

* Published in the ChristUu AAnoc%X^ tot\i^ A\^^^^. ^ 

March 20th, 1636. We have had so m 

changes in ihe weather, that my feeble fn 

has suffered much within the last two or tl 

weeks- My cough ia troublesome, and 

health is evidenUy falling. Still I can i 

" The Lord doeth all things well." On 

alone I depend for present and future salrat 

Yes, lie is my all, in all things, and hem 

)iis cioss I iind consolation and safety. - i 

out then, my soul, a little longer. These c 

ing winds and painful seasons will end by 

by. The ^me of deliverance is at hand. " 

that shall come will come, and will not tar 

Heaven, with all its glories, will soon be th 

Then I shall no more be separated from 

society I so much love, but enjoy it for ev< 

" Soon will the tailaome strife bo o'er 

Of sublunaiy care, 

And life's dull vanities no more 

This aniiouG breast ensnare." 

April 8th. I am gradually wasting away, 
will soon be said, " She is gone." yfe 
some serious talk respecting it last even! 
mother aod sister think ihey will be very 1< 
some. No doubt ibey will. Help them 
Lord, to lean upon thine almighty arm for i 
port, uid to claim thy precious promises, 
then all will be well. My mind is undistui 
in regard to the future ; I feel a firm, unwB 
ing coDlidence in Christ my Redeemer. In 
^^bandsl am safe. 

./l/iiODff others who have been to visit m 

beea exceedingly pleaaei W w.* «kim 


my Indian friends from the Oneida. The name 
of Jesas is still precious to them. How sweet 
their singing, how sympathizing their prayers, 
and how grateful the remembrance of those 
tears they shed when fervenily interceding for 
their sick teacher ! Ay, and what a heavenly 
smile sat upon their countenances when, on 
giving the parting hand, I reminded them that 
we should meet in heaven ! 

Lord, make me useful even now upon this 
bed of sickness. Help me to exempUfy the 
meekness, and constancy, -and patience, and 
submission, of thy holy religion ! Teach me 
how to speak a word in season to those who 
call to see me, and kindly ofTer to aid in taking 
care of me. I have many friends, (do not know 
indeed that I have an enemy on earth,) and their 
kindness often melts my heart. But what have 
I that I have not received ? Nothing, absolutely 
nothing. All that I am, and have, and enjoy, 
is of grace, through the atoning blood of tho 

21st. Not a moment's cessation from pain, 
though sometimes not in quite so much distress, 
which is matter of thankfulness. Feeble as I 
am I can ^ get off my bed and sit up a little, 
while some of my acquaintance cannot even 
turn themselves. Surely the Lord dealeth boun- 
tifully with me. Sometimes my soul is inex- 
pressibly happy. I have never as yet been 
forsaken of God. I feel that my foundation 
standeth sure. Rejoice, O my soul ! These 
clo^s of clay cannot alwaya'W^'^^^ '^^>srsws^ 


here. Thou shall soon burst every rest] 
and soar away to the bosom of thy God. 
yet I have no anxiety to go or stay. Wkk 
I have nothing to do. The will of God i 

Saturday, May 7th. The weather has 
remarkably pleasant for several days past 
day it has been showery. In one of 1 
showers the funeral procession, with th« 
mains of the widow Schofield. aged sqt 
two, and member of the Presbyterian Oh 
passed. My mind was deeply solemn, wl 
reflected that probably my mortal remains in 
next be conveyed to the silent mansions c 
dead. And yet there were many pleasin; 
flections connected with the probable fact, 
as the thought of being for ever at rest, ac 
ing a state of perfection unattainable in the 
sent life, association with the wisest and p 
beings in the whole universe, and, abov< 
the enjoyment of God's immediate prese 
and all this in consequence of the suffer 
death, resurrection, and intercession of the 
Jesus Christ. 

16th. Through the tender mercy of 
though very feeble, I still live. My soul 
joys solid peace and happiness, and whei 
enemy tells me, I shall never reach the 
venly inheritance, I tell him, "he is a 
and the father of lies :" for God has prone 
to guide me by his counsel, and afterwaz 
receive me to glory — if I do .but " endur 
eeing Him who is iiiviaiVAftT* kw\ ««» 


have no disposition to turn back again, now that 
I am so near the goal. 

25th. I am reduced almost to a skeleton, and 
yet the Lord gives me strength to get up aad 
down alone. Although it has long been antici- 
pated, yet I have just experienced a very sore 
trial. My brother-in-law Irish, having sold out 
hete, and purchased at Wesleyville, Erie cc, 
Pennsylvania, and having spent several days 
with his wife and children in our family, this 
morning bade us " farewell !" The parting was 
most tender ; for we expect never to meet again 
on earth. But our tears were mingled with 
thrilling hopes ; hopes of meeting where sighing 
and sorrow will be done away. My soul is still 
kept in perfect peace. 

27th. I cannot forget the parting scene al- 
luded to above. When brother and sister G. 
left, we had a dear father to commend us to 
God. Now this duty devolved on brother Irish, 
who prayed much to our edification and com- 
fort. But, ah, the last, the sweet, tho kind, the 
fond embrace of my dear sister £ ! It sieemed 
as if she would almost kiss my spirit away, 
while ^ears of mingled emotion covered my 
poor, emaciated face. Still our anticipations 
were blissful. To-day my soul has been filled 
"unutterably full of glory and of God." 

June 11th. My health continues to fail, so 
that it is with the utmost difficulty that I get up 
and down without help. But, — God is love. 
Much of the time my soul is txvum?^\ivG(3ic^^&sfi^ 
py, while not a cloud \Til«rmk«» ~ 




and the heavenly world. I(allelujah, the IuOt\ 
Grod omnipotent reigneth ! 

Dear sister S. Bushnell has spent severs 
days with us. O how sweet her company, he 
counsels, and her prayers ! Lord Grod of Is 
rael, send with her,, wherever she goes, th< 
Angel of thy presence I We have had muc] 
good company, but I am too much fatigued t 
writ6 more. 

July 1st. I still live to suffer and enjoy. . Fo 
nearly three weeks I have been as helpless a 
a child, save only that I have the use of m; 
hands. But God is with me in the furnace 
All is peace, and calm, and joy, and heaven 
Perhaps I shall never record more : but agai 
I say, — " God is love ;" and heaven is my in 
heritance, whither I am bound. O, hallelujah 
Lord Jesus, give me a safe passage over Jo; 
dan : yea, Lord, I know thou wilt. 

[The above entry, though perfectly legible 
was evidently made with a tremulous hand Ii 
all probability it was, as the writer anticipates 
it would be, the last time she put pen to papei 



My sister lived till September 10th, 1837 

during all which time her sufferings continues 

$o iacrease. She was nevex i!6\« xo vqetgl \x%t 


self in bed, or bear her own weight ; but though 
her sufierings were great, almost beyond de- 
scription, she bore them to the last with exem- 
plary patience. In the midst of all she was 
calm, resigned, and self-possessed : nay, more, 
she was joyful, she was triumphant. 

Often did we hear her, in her severest suf- 
ferings, shout the praises of God. This indeed 
was a frequent thing. Scores, if not hundreds, 
who visited her during this part of her sickness, 
must have heard her glorify God with a loud 

Understanding that I was writing to my sis- 
ter in Pennsylvania, she said, ** Tell them I 
should be very glad to see them : however, I 
am resigned to the will of God, and often tri- 
umphantly happy in view of that rest that re- 
mains to the people of God, not having so 
much as a cloud to darken ray sky." 

She would often say, " The Lord does all 
things well. He knows when to give, and 
when to withhold. All things work together 
for good to them that love God. I feel that 
Jesus is my Redeemer and Saviour : I cast my 
all on him : in my greatest distress he appears 
to me * the chief among ten thousand, and the 
altogether lovely.' " 

During tbe latter part of her sickness, her 
sufferings were evidently very great. Under 
these circumstances she would sometimes say, 
" I am so sick — so sick — what shall I do ?" 
And then recollecting herself, would thank. God. 
it was 80 well with l;ieT, wi^^^»X ^^^'•^^^ 


near the end of her journey. It was, indeed, 
often very distressing to be obliged to stand and 
look at her, when we could do nothing for her 

The Monday before her death, thinking it 
probable she would not live throughout the day, 
we sent to Utica for aunt H. When she arrived 
in the evening, Lucy not only seemed pleased 
to see her, but exceedingly happy in Grod. On 
Tuesday she continued to fail, and swallowed 
with the greatest difficulty; after which she 
was able to receive no further nourishment. 
On Wednesday morning a friend from Utica 
arrived, who said to her, " I have come to take 
carfe of you." After expressing her warmest 

fatitude, she said, " I have been sick so long 
have almost worn our folks out; but I see the 
Lord still provides." 

The funeral procession of Mrs. Selleck pass- 
ed our dwelling on Thursday, when Lucy, be- 
ing informed of it, said, " Well, Mrs. Selleck 
has gone a little before me." She had been 
able to converse but little for several days, and 
lay for the most part with her eyes closed. A 
number of friends called to see her, of whom 
she appeared to take very little notice. I asked 
her if she knew ihem ? when she very distinctly 
said, "Yes." On my going to her bed, and 
turning her, she said, " I want to kiss you f 
and, after doing so, continued, " I am afraid I 
shaii wear you all out." As our friends stood 
around the bed, sVie \oq\la^ ^t them and said, 
Are ytju gomg '^*' B«\ti% v^ ^«^ ^«%^ \Vft 



addressed them : " Be faithful to God — trust in 
him." Cousin said to her, " Do you feel that 
God is near, and x&bX you will soon know what 
the joys of h^eaven are ?" She replied, " Yes ; 
soon, very soon they will be mine : glory, glory, 
praise the Lord ; he is worthy to be praised." 
Another friend asked her, " Do you know me ?" 
"Yes," was her reply, " I know you all, and 
all that is said. May we all be prepared to 
meet in heaven, that blessed place. My soul 
is happy : it loves God : it adores him. I shall 
soon be with my Saviour, and with angels, and 
with the spirits of the just made perfect." Then 
raising both hands, she said, " Glory, glory, 
glory : praise the Lord : hallelujah !" A few 
hours after, in answer to some friends who 
called to see her, and who remarked to her, 
" You have got almost home," she replied, " 1 
have nothing to fear — I have nothing to fear." 
Contrary to all our expectations she survived 
till the next sabbath. On Friday she inquired, 
" Is Edna coming home ?" I replied, " We 
have sent for her : do you wish to see her ?" 
" Yes," was her answer, " if it is the will of 
God." When my sister arrived at evening, she 
said, " O, I did not expect to see you again, 
but the Lord has spared me once more to meet 
you. And here are your dear little boys : they 
have come to see their poor aunt Lucy again : 
she will soon be gone." To attempt any further 
description of her bodily sufferings would be 
useless: they were, indeed^ indeacribahlfi. B»s. 
faith, no less than Tea^on, n^^ ^xv^ssss^«ss^.^si 



the last roonlent. To use one of her own fa 
vourite expressions, " All was peace, and caln 
and joy, and heaven." She recognised he 
friends when they came in, and tenderly refei 
red them to the felicities of an eternal unioi 
Among those who visited her during her las 
hours were several Indian brethren from OheJ 
da, including some who were once her scholar 
at that place. 

She died without a struggle or a groan, o 
Sunday, September 10th, 1837, a quarter befor 
six o'clock in the evenings aged about forty-fiv< 
Good woman ! her sufferings are ended, an 
she is at rest. May we emulate her virtues, an 
prepare to join her in that " house not mad 
with hands, eternal in the heavens !" 



Of the general character of Miss Richard: 
an opinion sufficiently accurate will probabl 
be formed from the preceding pages : I shal 
therefore, close this little volume with a fe^ 
practical reflections. 

1. The memoir afibrds great enconragemei 

to parental fidelity. The parents of Lucy earl 

sought, and found an interest in the Saviou 

themaelveB, Being thus convinced of the ii 

estimable value and paiamovitkX vnv^ttance o 

i'eligion, they deemed \l t\ve\t scJVfcVKsv ^x:^ 


train up their little ones in the nurture and ad- 
monition of the Lord. To spread before their 
infant minds the elementary truths of the Chris- 
tian system, to instil its pure and lof\y senti- 
ments into their little hearts, and thus tb guard 
them against the false maxims and destructiye 
ways of a world lying in wickedness, were ob- 
jects which they seem to have kept almost con- 
stantly in view. 

Nor was their labour in vain in the Lord. 
Their children may.have thought, at times, that 
their prohibitions were unreasonable, and their 
commands rigorous. Subsequent experience, 
however, fully convinced them that the domes- 
tic discipline, to whose wholesome restraints 
they had been obliged to submit, was as well 
the dictate of sound wisdom as of parental love 
and fidelity. It will have been seen in the pre- 
ceding history how often Lucy speaks of her 
high obligations to her pious parents. But for 
them, she supposes it probable she might have 
lived without God, and died withoAit hope. 

Christian parent, behold your duty! God has 
placed under your guardianship those little im- 
mortals, and has solemnly commanded you to 
train them up in the way they should go. When 
you have fed and clothed their bodies, you have 
only begun to do your duty to them. They 
have minds to be enlightened, and hearts to be 
sanctified; and this work is, in a great measure, 
committed to your instmmentality. With re- 
spect to the great leading tt\tf&a q»^ \bfik "^^ 
Bible, it is said, "TYioxx «\ia\\.\.«^^'^«^^^- 

264 MEUOix Of tucv RicH.utDs. 

gently onto thy chitdren, and shall talk of t] 
when ihoii silteet in thine house, and when t 
walkest by the way, and when thou liest do 
and when thou risest up," Deut. vi, 7. 1 
doty cannot be devolved upon others. Oti 
may aid you, but ihey canoot take your pi 
Tou may look upon sabbath schools, B 
classes, and the hke, aa au^liariea, and tfa 
God for their institution ; but must never ll 
of their superseding parental insttuction 

rremment. Whatever, therefore, may be j 
couragemenls, you must labour on. In 
morning sow thy seed, and in the evening -vi 
hold not thy hand. When you lie dowi 
the silent grave, if not before, your chile 
may remembet your words, and turn to 
Lord. At anyrate, you will be clear; their hi 
win not be found iu the skirts of your gamte 
3. How amiable and attractive is filial af 
don ! We see much to admire in the cbara< 
of Lucy, but scarcely any other trait app< 
more prominent or more lovely than her ] 
found veneration for her parents. In all n 
ters that did not contravene the dictates of c 
science, their will was her law. . This love 
iheir persons, and regard for their authority, 
particularly observable af^er she was convei 
from the error of her ways. Nor did she ! 
at liberty to go contrary to their advice wl 
no longer under their legal control. Believ 
them to be taught of God, she dared not c 

give heraelf up as a mieatoiuxy till she had 

f^ed their consent. 


In all this she doubtless acted io accordance 
with the spirit of her religion. On scarcely 
any other point of morals do the inspired wri- 
ters speak with more frequency, explicitness, 
and speciality. " Hear the instruction of thy 
father, and forsake not the law of thy mother : 
for they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy 
head, and chains about thy neck.^' " Hearken 
unto thy father, and despise not thy mother 
when she is old." *' Honour thy father and 
thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the 
land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." 
" Children, obey your parents in the Lord : for 
this is right." 

Some young people foolishly imagine, that 
to disregard the authority of their parents, and 
to set up their own opinions in opposition to 
theirs, evince great and honourable independ- 
ence of mind. Hence, they obstinately walk 
ill the ways of their own heart, and in the 
sight of their own eyes ; thereby giving the 
most exquisite pain to the hearts of those who 
kave nourished and brought them up, and to 
whose protection and care they are, under 
God, indebted for their very being. A strange 
sort of independence this ! Such, indeed, as 
would befit the character of " Lucifer, son of the 

For a long time parents stand to their children 
in the place of God hiniself, and' to disobey or 
lightly esteem the former, is highly offensive to 
the latter. Against scarcely any other 8i^ci6Lc 
case of moral aberratioxx, \ti^^^^^ ^^^'s* '^v ^* 


itiigbty speak in terms of such fearful maledic- 
tion. " The eye that mocketh at his father, 
and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of 
the valley shall pick it out, and the young 
eagles shaJl eat it." Many who have come to 
an ignominious end have owned, sometimes un- 
der the gallows itself, that the wicked courses 
which brought them to it originated in habits of 
filial disobedience. To the young, then, we 
would say, — would you avoid a fate so dread^^ 
ful ; would you be saved from the reproaches 
of & wounded conscience, and from the frowns 
of offended Heaven ; would you be preserved 
from the contempt of the wise, and secure the 
approbation of the good and virtuous ? then scru- 
pulously avoid every approach to the crime under 
considetation. " Honour thy father and mother, 
(which is the first commandment with promise,) 
that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest 
live long on the earth," Eph. vi, 2, 3. 

3. We perceive in the preceding memoir 

something of the value and loveliness of early 

piety. The subject of it evinced, even in the 

days of her childhood, the possession of those 

feelings and propensities, which, had they been 

cherished and indulged, must not only have 

greatly diminished her happiness and usefulness, 

but ruined her soul for e ver. And why did she not 

cherish and indulge them ? Because she sought 

and found an interest in the Saviour : because 

she "put on the new man, which, after God, is 

created in righteousness an^ Vcvx^ Volvjiess.** 

The stream was sweetened aX *\\s Nexv lo\w\\^\\i- 


head. The entire object and cuitent of her 
affections were changed. By consequence, her 
Vhole character was now formed upon the 
model of a pure and benevolent religion. To 
love God with all her heart and her neighbour 
88 herself became, at once, the study and la- 
bour of her life. She bore h6r daily cross, and 
followed the blessed Saviour. Like him, she 
went about doing good. Had her means and 
capabilities been equal to her purposes and de- 
sires, she would have alleviated the woes of 
her species, and restored every wanderer to the 
fold of God. How worthy such an example to 
be followed by all the youth of our land ! 

Youthful piety, though not so venerable as 
aged virtue, is certainly more attractive and 
lovely. To see good principles thoroughly 
governing the whole conduct ; to see them pre- 
vail over all youthful levities and follies ; to see 
passions, at a season of life- when usually most 
ungovernable, subjected to reason and con- 
science ; to see the spirit and vanities of the 
world despised and trampled under foot ; to 
see constancy, uniformity, and steadiness, at a 
period when irresolution and the caprice of 
fancy are apt to prevail ; to seei persons yet in 
the bloom of life, with the sentiments of a vir- 
tuous old age,— -is certainly a most delightful 
spectacle. It is, too, a spectacle most pleasing 
to Heaven. He has said in the most explicit 
terms, " I love them that love me, and those 
that seek me early shall fitid tb» " T<\ ^<«. 
him the very buds of o\a beYft^^^xA. "^^ ^^-^^s^^ 

of OUT oponiog intelligenco, munt 
more acceptable to the divine it. 
■' all whole bumt-offeriogs." 

Remember, then, now thy Ci 
days of thy youth. No words can 
importance of beginning well. Up 
habits often depend not only our r 
and uaBfulneBB in this life, but our e: 
ness in the world to come. As ^ 
are we exceedingly apt to end hun 

A doctrine very'different from 
aware, may be taught Rome of 
readers. They may perhaps be K 
gion is not the proper concern for 

eiBsibly it will be insinuated, that 
ivinity does not concern himself 
tions of bis creatures ; or, if he dot 
too good to resent their wicked con 
will be (old, that all the stories oft 
andfuture punishment were invente 
purposes. It would not be wond 
they be advised, that the whole s; 
vealed religion is the mere offspti 
craft, and that great minds ackn 
other religion than that of nature. 
of prosperous wickedness may b' 
them, and. they be called upon to < 
those have sncceeded in the world 
not to have the fear of God befori 
In this degenerate age, many fe 
may be advanced, many audacioc 
advocated, many libeiline aentime 
led, niAny indecent leftecVioua cw* 



igs, and very possibly, many blasphemies 
tred against the religion and the name of 
ist. But let none of these things move you. 

you resolve, through that gracious assist- 
e which God has been pleased to afford, 
t, however others may choose to think and 

you will be a disciple of the Saviour, 
w, in the morning of life, cultivate the fear, 

devote yourself to the service, of the Most 
rh. Study to know the whole extent of your 
|r, and, knowing the will of your moral 
pernor, conform to it unfeignedly and with- 
delay. To say nothing of higher conside- 
ons, the good name of Lucy Richards 
lid be worth more to you than all the wealtB 

. The history of Miss Richards furnishes 
;t conclusive evidence of the supporting 
rer of the Christian faith. Bodily suffering, 
dcularly after she reached the years of wo- 
ihood, was her almost unvarying portion. 
. only was her nervous system peculiarly 
cate and excitable, but her pulmonary or- 
s were doubtless constitutionally diseased, 
isequently a day seldom passed during 
ch she did not experience more or less 
sical suffering. At times, her frail body 
1 almost literally agonized. Indeed, long 
fined to her bed, and under the influence of 
iplicated disease, she suffered more than 

well be imagined, 
lut amidst all, and through all, the spirit 

triumphant. Not a woxd ol ^^tk^wX^^ 


sbe utter. She emphatically possessed her 
soul in patience. Nay, more, she rejoiced 
with joy unspeakable and full of glory. When 
interrogated as to the state of her health, her 
usual reply was, ''The Lord deals with me 
very gently : I ought to be thankful for his 
kindness." However exquisite or protracted 
her sufierings, her equanimity remained undis- 

Now we have no hesitancy in saying, that 
all this was the result of her strong and truly 
evangelical faith. She endured, as seeing Iliiti 
that is invisible. Her faith was the grand sus- 
taining instrument. It was this that took fast 
hold on the promises of God. Her language 
was, " Though he slay me, yet will I trust in 
him." Like the father of the faithful, " she 
was strong in faith, giving glory to God." 
Even in the near approach of death, faith seem- 
ed to take a still more elevated position, and to 
exert a still more commanding influence. As 
from Pisgah's top, she seemed to look over the 
Jordan of death into the heavenly country, where 

" Sickness and sorrow, pain and death, 
Are felt and fear'd no more." 

Such is the sustaining power of an evangeli- 
cal faith. It was this that supported Miss 
Richards, and it is this that will support all the 
sons and daughters of affliction. It has lost 
none of its power. It will again " subdue 
irin^doms, work righteousness, obtain promises, 
atop the mouths of lions, quench the violence 
^ of Are ^ turn away the edge erf t\ve ^^ot^, wxx ^^ 

Ml'.Moin v>r J. rev HTCHAKD^. 271 

weakness make strong, wax valiant in tight, and 
turn to flight the armies of the aliens." No- 
thing can stand before it Even the last enemy 
will quail in its presence. 

*' *Ti8 faith disarmt destraction, and absolves 
From every clamorous charge the guiltless tomb.'^ 

Thus were the primitive saints sustained and 
comforted. The man after God's own heart 
says, " Though I walk through the valley of the 
shadow of death, I will fear no evil : for thou 
art with me ; thy rod and thy staff they comfort 
me." " The sorrows of death compassed me, 
and the pains of hell gat hold upon me : I 
found trouble and sorrow. Then called I upon 
the name of the Lord : O Lord, I beseech thee, 
deliver my s(ml. Gracious is the Lord, and 
righteous ; yea, our God is merciful. I was 
brought low, and he helped me. Return unto 
thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt 
bountifully with thee. For thou hast delivered 
my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and 
my feet from falling." When the great apostle 
of the Gentiles was deeply afHicted in body, he 
went to the throne of the heavenly grace, and 
the answer he received was, " My grace is suf- 
ficient for thee ; my strength is made perfect in 
weakness." Sustained by this faith, the ancient 
martyrs were serene and triumphant, the accents 
of hope and of joy vibrated on their stiffening 
tongues, and fell with heavenly sweetness from 
their pale and quivering lips. 

O ye sons and daughters of sorrow and dis- 
tress, here is comfort Cot yoviV QiQ^\!kw«s^&. 


says, " When thou passest through the watei 
I will be with thee ; and through the rivei 
they shall not overflow thee : when thou wial 
est through the fire, thou shalt not be bume 
neither shall the flame kindle upon thee ; foi 
am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, t] 
Saviour." It is tranquillizing and ^weet 
have a beloved friend near when our sorroi 
are multiplied upon us ; but what is the pi 
sence of the dearest earthly friend when coi 
pared with the presence of a sympathi2d] 
God? This of all consolations is the mc 
cheering, of all blessings the most to be desir€ 
It defends us more eflfectually than twelve legio 
of angels could do it, and imparts greater coi 
fort to the soul than all the inhabitants of heavi 
and earth could give, though they were all 
unite their eflforts to make us blessed. God : 
indeed, " the hope of Israel, and the Savio 
thereof in the times of trouble." Seek his fa 
and favour, and you will not only be comfortc 
and supported, and blest, amidst the sorrows < 
the present life, but when you come to 1 
down in death, it will be yours to adopt t 
language of Wesley under similar circumsta 
ces — " The best of all is, God is with uj 




i jt/ond t, i. specined u a 
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