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THE WARDEN OF BERK1NGHOLT; or, Rich and Poor,
" Such u do
Call fin. and word ami dnolatinn
A irodlj. IhorouRh Rrtbrinati,,., "
MILFORD MALVOISIN:
PES AND PEWHOLDERS.
BY
FRANCIS E. PAGET, M. A.
RECTOR OF ELFORD,
AND CHAPLAIN TO THE LORD BISHOP OP OXFOED.
" Let us endeavour to restore our Churches to a likeness of that blessed
Communion of Saints, where all are ona in the Lord, and all stand round
the throne, hand in hand, and heart in heart, hymning the praises of Him.
who loved them, and who enabled them to love one another ; and let us
get rid. as far as we may, of all resemblance to that realm of disunion,
where every one will be alone, imprisoned in the thick-ribbed ice of his
own selfishness." ABCHCEACON HAKB.
LONDON:
JAMES BURNS, 17 PORTMAN STREET.
OXFORD :
JOHN HENRY PARKER.
XDCCCXLII.
RUGELEY;
FEINTED BY JOHN TUOMAS WALTERS,
MABKBT-PLACB.
PR
5115
TO ONE
WHOSE GLORIOUS PEIVILEGE IT HAS BEEN
TO BE THE SOLE FOUNDEESS
or
A CHURCH
FOR THE USE AND BENEFIT OF A POOE AND NEGLECTED
POPULATION ; AND WHO,
IN THE AEEANGEMENTS OF THAT CHUECH,
DID NOT FOEGET,
THAT WHEEE EICH AND POOE MEET TOGETHEE BEFOEE
GOD
THE MAKEE OF THEM ALL,
THEEE IT IS FITTING THAT THE DISTINCTIONS OF
WOELDLY EANK SHOULD BE LAID ASIDE,
Wfa TJoltrau is BeBltatttJ,
WITH ADMIEATION AND DEEP AFFECTION.
CONTENTS.
IV-
PREFACE ix
Introduction 1
33oofe 5L Hfyt puritans.
CHAPTER I.
The Wake 17
CHAPTER II.
Conscientious Reformers 39
CHAPTER III.
Reform in progress 58
CHAPTER IV.
The Dormitory 82
ISoofe BE. Efie CCfiu
CHAPTER V.
New Occupants 109
CHAPTER VI.
The Intruders 133
CHAPTER VII.
The Dogs in the manger 152
CHAPTER VIII.
The Sitters and their seats 172
CHAPTER IX.
All's well that ends well 196
IN order to prevent misconception, it seems
advisable to say a few words in reference to the
object with which the ensuing tale was written.
No one can be at all conversant with paro-
chial matters, without being painfully aware that
Pews are a never-ending, still-beginning subject
of animosity and ill-will. It seems as if the sin
of making worldly distinctions between rich and
poor in that House where all are equal, had
brought with it its own punishment from the
very first, in the strifes and contentions which
have invariably attended the allotment and pos-
X 1'REFACE.
session of Pews. Almost every Clergyman, pro-
bably, has been called upon to allay angry feel-
ings, and to endeavour to make peace between
parties who have contrived to quarrel with one
another on some point connected with their
pew-rights, real or imaginary; almost every
Clergyman, perhaps, has been told by some ill-
conditioned member of his flock, that he does
not choose to come to Church till the Church-
wardens have given him a Pew.
There seems a reasonable ground, however,
for hope, that the tide of fashion which has set
in so long and so steadily in favour of these
"sleeping -boxes," is at length beginning to turn.
Good people have become thoroughly ashamed
of them, and of themselves for having tolerated
them ; all the new Churches which have any
pretensions to Catholic arrangement, have got
rid of them ; and as it generally happens that
the steady resolution of a few influential persons
PKEFACE. XI
constantly directed to one point, is, in the end,
successful in carrying that point, we may rea-
sonably expect that when the various Church-
building Societies have shewn their resolution
to discourage the system, by withholding grants
from all Churches in which the erection of in-
closed seats is contemplated, we shall gradually
find people disposed to return to open sittings.*
Meanwhile, there is one circumstance which
may well cause the lovers of Pews to look with
apprehension as to the results of the fashion
of which they are so fond. The Pews of the
wealthy few have driven, in many places, the
Poor from our Churches. One great box after
another has been erected, till there is no longer
While this sheet is passing through the press, it has been
announced by the Sub-committee of the Cambridge Camden Society,
who have been at the pains of inquiring into, and reporting upon, the
comparative accommodation and expenee of pews and open benches,
that this very important fact has been established, that where, the
comparison is most favourable for pew t, with respect to the numbers
accommodated, pewt involve a lots of twenty per cent as compared
with open sittings.
Xii PREFACE.
room for the humbler ranks of worshippers.
And what has been the consequence ? The
many, now rendered lawless and unmanageable,
because no longer under the constraining influ-
ence of the Church, are beginning, in our large
towns, to give the selfish few hints, which it will
be their wisdom and their safety to profit by ere
it be too late. " It is not a little striking," as
Mr. Faber has truly observed in one of his beau-
tiful tracts on the Church and her Offices, " it
is not a little striking that in several places of
late, the people have come in bodies to occupy
the Churches and Cathedrals, and assert their
equal right to them. This shows that even this
trifle has created a soreness, and therefore to a
thinking person has ceased to be a trifle."*
" What, then, it may be asked, is it proposed
to throw our Churches open, like those in fo-
reign countries, and let the congregation seat
See Faber's " Churchman's Politics in Disturbed Times," p. 44.
PREFACE.
themselves where, and as they can, one day
here, and another day there, as chance may
direct, or as places may happen to be vacant ?"
By no means : all that is insisted on is, the
necessity of getting rid of distinctions between
rich and poor in God's House, and utterly
destroying the great unsightly packing-boxes
which at present deform our Churches.
There ought to be in every Church a certain
number of seats, free and unappropriated, for
the use of strangers and casual visitors ; but
these need not form more than a very small
portion of the whole : all the rest should be
appropriated; every householder in the parish
should have a definite place allotted to him, for
himself and his family. English people have
inherent in them a sort of independence, which
coming (rightly or not, I do not say) to Church
with them, makes them like to feel sure of a seat :
again, there is another English feeling, shame-
xiv PRErACL.
facedness, which ought not to be set at nought
and which we have all seen painfully roused
when some young lad or country-woman, on
arriving at Church, finds their usual seat pre-
occupied; and, not to mention other circum-
stances, there does seem somewhat in the Eng-
lish character and habits which makes appro-
priated seats desirable. Let all seats, therefore,
in our Churches, be appropriated (with the
exception of a few for strangers) ; but let them
all be uninclosed, of one uniform pattern,
those for the poor being as good and as well-
placed as those for the rich, and let them be
so arranged as that "high and low, rich and
poor," shall worship "one with another"
It is the object of the ensuing pages to
point out the evils of the existing system ; and
although I do not think it necessary to specify
distinctly whether any such place as Milford
PREFACE. XT
Malvoisin really exists, and have] resolved to
refer my readers to the Clergy List for further
particulars respecting the gentleman whose name
appears at the end of the Introduction, I am
sanguine in the hope, that even though their
curiosity should remain ungratified, they will
give the matters proposed to their notice a very
serious consideration, and that though as yet
they may have been lovers of Pews, they will
henceforward look upon those "eye-sores and
heart-sores," (as Archdeacon Hare so truly calls
them) with less tenderness and affection than
heretofore.
ptartintnas,
MDCCCIIJ,
r MONGr the many passages in
Walton's Life of Hooker, which
shew how little the habits and feelings of
that good man were in accordance with
the easy and self-satisfied religion of the
present day, is one which has always
struck me very forcibly. It is recorded
of him, that he " did usually every Em-
ber-Week take from the parish-clerk the
key of the church-door, into which place
he retired every day, and locked himself
up for many hours ; and did the like most Fridays
B
2 MILFORD MALVOI8IN.
and other days of Fasting." A Christian Priest re-
sorting alone to the scene of his public ministrations,
(the world shut out, God and His holy angels
the only witnesses,) for the purpose of bewailing
with prayer and fasting, with self-examination and
humiliation, his manifold sins of omission and com-
mission, his weaknesses, his negligences, and his
ignorances; kneeling hour after hour before the
Altar, now prostrate in remorseful contrition for
the past, now earnestly imploring help and strength
for the future ; now interceding for his flock, and
now extending his petitions in behalf of the Holy
Church throughout all the world ; and this continued,
week by week, season after season, unseduced by
the joyous sunshine of the summer's day, undeterred
by the mist and darkness of winter's cold, through
years of increasing devotion, and more and more
austere self-discipline, what a lovely picture is this
to look upon ! what an example for imitation in these
evil days ! and how grievous to think (as testifying
the coldness, lowness, and deadness of the present
age) that for a clergyman to adopt such a course
now, would (as indisputably it would) expose him to
INTRODUCTION. 3
the charge of religious quixotism, or of leaning to
Popish observances !
I dare not add the humble testimony of my own
experience in favour of Hooker's pious custom, for
that which was the result of deep and ardent devo-
tion in him, has been in my case too irregularly and
too seldom practised, to be more than the effect of
mere transient feeling ; and yet the interior of a
Church, during the silence and solitude of its week-
day desertion, would be no untried place of medita-
tion with me. There is one venerable and dearly-
loved fabric especially, which I now seldom see, but
into which, whenever I am able to revisit it, I never
fail to enter, and linger alone amid its aisles, and hold
communion with the unseen world around me. It is
there that my childish feet first trod on holy ground ;
there, with mingled feelings of pride in being admit-
ted to so great a privilege, of wonder, and of awe,
I first heard the public service of the Church, and
tried to follow and love the prayers which I long had
known that all good people loved. There, as Christ-
mas after Christmas returned through all the happy
years of boyhood, I was sure to find myself in all the
B2
4 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
bliss of family re-union, with the same dear friends
and companions beside me, and the same associations,
the same ' admonitus locorum et temporum,' grow-
ing stronger year by year. There I have lived to
offer up the prayers, and administer the blessed Sa-
craments. There, I have seen kinsfolk and acquain-
tance committed to the dust in sure and certain hope ;
there, are some sleeping whom T have loved as I
never can love again ; there, now that my own work
is nearly done, I would gladly lay my bones beside
their bones, and not part in death with those from
whom in life I was not divided !
It was in the closing hours of an autumn day
that I last paid my solitary visit to this dear old pile.
The wind was high without, and the withering leaves
were whirled in eddies against the lattices which
rattled in the blast: but this was the only sound
that greeted my ears ; and though in parts of the sa-
cred edifice the light was growing obscure and dim,
(for it lies embosomed among lofty trees,) stih 1 , ever
and anon, a gleam of the setting sun found its way
through some of the windows, gilding all the objects
on which it fell with yellow rays, which gradually
INTEODUCTIOX. 5
assumed a ruddier tint, till mergiug into deep crim-
son, it waxed fainter and fainter, and gradually faded
away as twilight advanced.
"And thus," thought I within myself, as I stood
gazing on shaft, and niche, and monument, glowing
in ruby light, " thus hath it been year by year, thus
will it be while this old fabric stands. Evening after
evening this glorious scene is renewed; morning
after morning, when the darkness of a few hours is
past, these walls, the Temple of His presence, and
round which the faithful dead are sleeping, will be
silent witnesses of the glory of God, and of the type
of His revivifying power. ' One day telleth another,
and one night certifieth another: there is neither
speech nor language, but their voices are heard
among them.' "
" And while day and night have thus rolled on,
preaching with mute eloquence to such as would
receive it, how many varying emotions have agi-
tated the breasts of those who have worshipped
within these walls ! the bridegroom in his joy and
pride, the mother bending at the font over her
new-born child, the mourner weeping over the dead
6 MILFORD MALVOI8IN.
whom he is burying out of his sight, all have had
their deepest feelings in this place ! Then, too, to
what fervours of devotion, to what exalted faith, to
what sincere penitence, humility, stedfastness, self-
resignation, has this House of Prayer been witness !
The record of them may have passed away from
man's remembrance, nay, by man they may never
have been known ; but they are noted and known,
registered and preserved, where they will not be for-
gotten. ' God's kalendar,' as Fuller says, ' is better
than man's best martyrologies ; and many a name is
written in the Book of Life, which on earth has passed
into oblivion.' "
" Aye, too," I continued, as one course of thought
led to another, " how great have been the vicissi-
tudes not merely of human things, but of religion
herself, since Saxou Herman raised the first rude
oratory on this site ! how various the phases under
which our branch of the Church Catholic has ap-
peared before the eyes of men ! First, as winning
her way by purity and simplicity, and making head
against the idolatry of our forefathers ; then, stretch-
ing forth her boughs as a goodly cedar, taking root,
INTRODUCTION. 7
and filling the land ; yet, alas ! waxing wanton with
temporal prosperity, and defiling herself with error
and superstition. Next, suffering for her sins in all
the sacrilege and troubles of the Reformation ; yet,
rising therefrom, so far purified and exalted, as to
be deemed worthy to suffer persecution and tempo-
rary overthrow from that base puritanical faction to
which the Reformation itself (for essential good is
rarely unaccompanied with partial evil) was permitted
to give birth. Then, profiting by the blessing of tri-
bulation, exerting herself once more, yet soon des-
tined to become enfeebled under the chilling effects
of the Revolution, growing more apathetic and
worldly, as she became more and more enslaved and
trammelled by the State ; and now, at length, as one
may hope, awaking from her long, long sleep, trim-
ming her lamp, girding her loins, putting on her
strength, and arming herself against the day of bat-
tle, that great and final contest between good and
evil, to which the course of all things is so surely
and rapidly hastening. Manifold, indeed, have been
these changes; yet, whether they who assert, or
those who deny the Papal Supremacy, were minis-
8 MILFOBD MALVOISIN.
tering here, these old grey walls have had the same
calming, soothing influence upon successive gener-
ations, and have led the thoughts of multitudes to
that place where all are one in Christ Jesus, to a
kingdom which is not of this world, to a peace
which the world can neither give nor take away."
"And yet a briefer space than eight hundred
years," it was thus the train of meditation pro-
ceeded, "a briefer space than that will suffice to
tell of the effects of chance and change. Of those
well-remembered faces which I used to see here
Sunday after Sunday while I was a child, how few
are still to be found among us ! The generation
which then was old, has long since been swept from
the face of the earth ; and even of my cotemporaries
but one or two, here and there remain. All the
brightest, and fairest, and best, all whose natures
seemed to connect them more with heaven than
earth, the gentlest, and most single-hearted, the
true, the innocent, the kindly-affectioned, with
some few precious exceptions who have been left for
our comfort and example, have been taken long ago,
(blessed be God for His mercy in having given them
INTBODtJCTION. 9
to us at all !) they have long since entered that land
where there are more who are like them, than are left
in this world ! Their sunny locks have been laid in the
dust; and the green grass is growing, and flowers
are springing above their heads. And it is well,
their brows were unfurrowed by care and sorrow,
and their faces had not gathered blackness through
sin, and exposure to the world's foul and withering
air ! It is well :
1 Requiem eternam dona eis, Domine,
Et lux perpetua luceat eis !' "
" But of those who yet survive, some, indeed, like
myself, though dwelling at a distance, still revisit the
home of our youth occasionally, but the majority
are scattered far asunder, with objects, and interests,
and affections, which have nothing in common with
those of childhood. And as for the few, the very
few who have continued here through the whole of
their pilgrimage, they now seem like spectres haunt-
ing the scene of their former short-lived happiness ;
or rather like soldiers seamed and scarred with
wounds, who are gazing on the tombs of their com-
rades, and who sigh wistfully, as the features of the
10 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
dead present themselves to their memories, and
their once joyous voices come ringing on their ears.
But when I look on these grey walls, I remember
that I am but sharing the emotions of whole races of
Christian pilgrims who have gone before, and if I
have the same sorrows with them, I may cheer my-
self with the same hopes, and stay myself on the
same promises."
" And yet," I reflected further, as a fresh train
of thought suggested itself, "though this House of
God, has in some sense remained the same, amid
the vicissitudes of ages, even here, as I look around
me, I can trace the lamentable effects of worldly
fashion intruding where it ought not, and feel that
to one who has Catholic feelings it is not the same
as it was, even within my own recollection. When
I was a boy, that old, dark cavern of a pew, which,
hides one half of the rood screen, was the only one
to be found in this Church. There were none of
the distinctions of worldly rank kept up in God's
presence : we all knelt and worshipped side by side,
high and low, rich and poor, one with another. We
felt that we were all on an equality, in that all were
INTRODUCTION. 11
miserable sinners who needed pardon; in that all
were petitioners for the same gifts of grace ; in that
we were all members one of another. But we have
been gradually forgetting our privileges of Christian
fellowship, and fostering even in holy things a spirit
of pride, luxury, and exclusiveness. Scarce a year
has gone by in which somebody has not craved per-
mission to erect his pew, the license has been
granted, and so at length the poor of Christ's flock,
instead of having (as they ought, if there is to be a
distinction) the best and choicest places reserved for
them (as is meet for those who need all possible
advantages of external aid towards hearing, and
understanding the service), the poor are forced by
these encroaching pews nearer and nearer to the
door, and as far as possible from the officiating
Minister ; nay, in many places, through the multi-
tudes of these wicked abominations we have left
room for no other description of seats in the Church.
We have thrust forth the poor from the House of
God, and verily we shall have our reward."
" Alas, we know not what we are doing ! Our
pride, our luxury, and our exclusiveness have sue-
12 M1LFOED MALVOI8IN.
ceeded in disuniting almost all the ties which of old
united the several classes of our population : the rich
have well nigh alienated the hearts of the poor. One
link yet holds them together, the strongest of all,
the bond of Church-fellowship : break that, and there
is nothing left to hold the social system together.
We have sown the wind ; may God have mercy upon
those who live to see the whirlwind harvest!"
The twilight was now gathering so fast around
me, that I rose from my seat, and quitting the
Chiirch proceeded homewards ; but the last subject
on which I had been reflecting still kept its place in
my thoughts, and as I pondered on the unmitigated
evil of the pew-system (for indeed I could find no
one argument in favour of it), and recalled to mind
the various mischiefs which even within my own
limited experience have accrued from it, as I
reflected on the ill-will which it is sure to engender,
the envy, hatred, malice, and uncharitableness, which
the possessing or the desire of possessing pews con-
tinually causes among neighbours, I felt that if the
subject were once fairly set before right-minded
INTRODUCTION. 13
people, if the system was exhibited in its true light
to them, they would he the first to break through it,
and by turning their own pews into open sittings,
shew that in so far as such a trifling act can bear
witness to it, they are anxious to prove themselves in
something more than name, disciples of Him, Who
for our sakes became poor, and of no reputation.
At least I hoped so ; and considering how I
might do this in the least offensive way, I thought I
would trace the history of some pew from its erection
to its removal, not indeed with any great regularity
or in a continuous manner, for that would be beside
my purpose, but just bringing out the chief evils
of the system as they might develope themselves in
any parish, and thus endeavouring to make a useful
book, which may set people thinking, and incline
them to smile, and perhaps sigh at themselves, and,
I trust, teach them to think less of themselves and
their own ease, and more of the Poor of Christ, with
whom it is their great privilege to be fellow- heirs,
and fellow-citizens.
WILLOUGHBY GILPIN.
" False of heart, light of ear, bloody of
hand: fox in stealth, wolf in greediness,
dog in madness, lion in prey"
SHAKSPBAR-
CHAPTER I.
A sect, whose chief devotion lies
In odd perverse antipathies ;
la falling out with that or this,
And finding somewhat still amiss :
More peevish, cross, and splenetic
Than dog distract, or monkey sick.
That with more care keep Holy-day
The wrong, than others the right way :
Compound for sins they are inclin'd to ;
By damning those they have no mind to,
Still so perverse and opposite,
As if they worshipp'd God for spite.
Hudibrat.
UNTIL within the last few years the little village of
Milford Malvoisin was as obscure and unfrequented
a spot as it was at the period when our tale com-
mences. Though situated in one of the midland
18 MILFOKU MALVOISIN.
counties, and at no great distance from the county
town, it has had the fortune or misfortune of lying
off the main road, and being only to be approached
by narrow winding lanes, which in winter are almost
impassable from the tenacious nature of their marly
soil, it has come to be looked upon in the neighbour-
hood as a wild, out-of-the-way place, and beyond its
vicinity it seems to be so little known that we have
looked for it in vain in more than one map. An
event has recently occurred, which, (as it will be
seen hereafter) has brought the sequestered hamlet
into connection with one of the most public thorough-
fares in the kingdom, and this circumstance, together
with the interest which our readers will of course
feel in the annals we are about to lay before them,
will certainly make the locality an illustrious place
in after times ; but if it does become great, it will
only be because, as in Malvolio's case, "greatness
has been thrust upon" it.
Originally, as its name implies, the powerful Nor-
man family of the Malvoisins, Mauvisins, or Mavesyns,
were lords of the manor: but neither old Raoul de
Malvoisin, to whom it was granted by the Conqueror,
THE PURITANS. 19
nor any of his succssors, appear to have resided on
the spot. The inhabitants have continued from time
immemorial to be the same description of persons,
a few small gentry, yeomen, and agricultural labour-
ers ; and as if every thing connected with it was des-
tined to remain stationary, its population was very
much the same from the days of Queen Elizabeth to
the accession of Queen Victoria. Yet into this seclud-
ed nook, disloyalty and irreligion found their way ;
and ^when for the sins of the people the Great
Rebellion was permitted to burst forth, and over-
whelm for a time the most valued institutions in
Church and State, events took place at Milford Mal-
voisin which exhibited the spirit of Puritanism in its
true colours.
The first of May, 1643, was as fine a spring
morning as ever dawned ; calm, and warm, and
bright, it was just the May-day of which poets have
sung, and the young and happy dreamed. March
winds and April showers were felt no more ; the sun
was shining in a clear blue sky, the air was soft and
balmy, the birds were carolling from tree to tree,
20 MILFOBD MALVOISUf.
the buds were bursting, the wild flowers opening,
and the meadows were clothed once more in ten-
der green ; and if men's inward feelings could have
taken their impression from what was beautiful and
exhilarating in the face of nature, instead of being
acted upon by doubts and fears and all the anxieties
which must needs arise from connection with this
evil, darkening world, the congregation which was
winding its way to the early service at Milford
Church should have been a right joyous company.
It was the festival of St. Philip and St. James, the
Holy Apostles to whom the little church was dedi-
cated, and consequently the village Wake was about
to commence. Of old this had been a happy time of
family re-union and cheerful hospitality. Children
returned from school or service to visit their parents ;
friends who had not met for a year before, were now
mingling in each other's society, and if here and
there places were vacant which at the last anniver-
sary were filled, and thoughts of the absent or the
dead brought tears into the eyes of the survivors,
there were comforts mingled with the pain, the
mourners were at least, sorrowing together, they
THE PUBITANS. 21
were sharing in feelings with which the stranger
intermeddleth not. The substantial yeoman spread
his board, and invited kinsman and neighbour to
partake of beef and pudding, and potent ale, and
when he was giving his own feast he did not forget
his poorer neighbours, for besides the wheat and
milk for frumenty which he bestowed on his labourers
as a matter of course, he generally contrived to add
a portion of meat which should at least suffice for
dinner on the Wake-Sunday. The May-pole, too,
was not forgotten ; the same hands that had decked
it with wreaths and garlands before the sun was
high, were joined in the merry dance around it, as
the shades of evening drew on, and a day whose com-
mencement had been sanctified by prayer and atten-
dance on the Church's ordinances, and had been
spent in harmless mirth and social relaxation, was
now brought to its close unmarked by riot and ex-
cess ; for the presence and kindly intercourse of all
ranks of society on such occasions, restrained each
from forgetting what was due to the other, and the
unanimous respect which was paid to the Pastor of
the parish, made young and old desirous that their
22 MILFORD MALVO1SIN.
rejoicing should be of a nature which we would love
to witness.
But such no longer was the wake at Milford
Malvoisin ; and the May-day of which we speak had
none of the characteristics which it bore of old.
England was now plunged in all the calamities of
that Civil war, which was not brought to a close till
the Altar and the Throne were in ruins. The bat-
tle of Edge-Hill, which had taken place in the pre-
ceding October, while claimed as a victory by both
parties, had in reality been indecisive ; and the local
contests which occurred elsewhere, had not given
any essential advantage to either party. All that had
hitherto happened had only tended to exasperate both
the Royalists and the Rebels, who were now array-
ed against each other in the bitterest animosity. The
winter, indeed, passed in comparative calm, but it
was only a momentary lulling of the tempest ; and
when spring approached to unlock her treasures, and
dispense the blessings of the opening year, the fair
land which she had been so long used to see enjoy-
ing the blessings of peace, now appeared before her
as a scene of cruel and bloody discord, in which
THE PURITANS. 23
every county, and town, and village, nay, almost
every family, was divided against itself.
And Milford Malvoisin formed no exception to
the general rule. The mass of its population, indeed,
continued loyal, and desired nothing less than to
"meddle with those that are given to change;" but
there were some who were suddenly smitten with
the love of liberty and Presbyterianism, and these
made up in noise for what they wanted in number,
and their behaviour presented a remarkable contrast
to the quiet inactive bearing of their opponents.
However, " the Malignants," as it was then the
fashion to call those who were faithful to their Church
and King, were not hitherto in that depressed state
at Milford in which they were to be found elsewhere ;
and accordingly the numbers who were proceeding
to church on the festival of which we were speaking,
were considerable ; but, as we have already intimat-
ed, there was gloom upon their countenances, and
they seemed anxious and disheartened. The fact
was, that tidings had just arrived of an event which
had taken place three days before, and which was
anything but encouraging to the Royal prospects,
24 MILFOKD MALVOISIN.
It was told how Colonel Fielding had surrendered
Beading to the Earl of Essex ; and rumour with her
thousand tongues had spread the false report that
Prince Rupert had been slain, and that the King's
troops were ready to throw down their arms.
No wonder that at such a time the wonted festi-
vities of the village wake were laid aside. Few
cared to visit their friends when the roads were full
of troopers, whose love of plunder was at least equal
to their patriotism, and who were seldom content to
plunder without committing the additional crime of
evil-intreating their victims. And, besides, who could
even wish for merry-makings when God's judgments
were so evidently in the earth ? So there was no
feasting that day at Milford ; and if some of the
youthful inhabitants of the parish sighed as they
passed the prostrate May-pole, (prostrate, because
being especially hated by the Puritans, it had been
sawn through, as it was suspected, by one Tristram
Sugge, a zealous member of that party, on the night
of the new year,) if, we say, some of the youthful
parishioners sighed, it was less in selfish sorrow for
the loss of a few hours gaiety, than with grave appre-
THE PUBITANS. 25
hension of the evils which were coming upon Church
and State.
It is when men have such anxious thoughts, and
clouds seem gathering around them on all sides that
they are led to appreciate more fully, and feel most
deeply "the soothing influence" (as it has been so
happily called) of the Church service ; and perhaps
even now, when so many of us have ceased even to
wish to live by the Church's ordinances, if a time of
trouble were to arise, we should find ourselves fal-
ling back upon the Church-service as our greatest
earthly happiness and comfort. But at the period of
which we are speaking, God's House did not remain
locked up, and empty, from week's-endto week 's-end.
The spirit of Puritanism had not yet obliterated the
Calendar, had not yet made Sunday ("the Sabbath,"
as in their Judaizing spirit, they called the Lord's
Day) the only day of public worship, and turned the
weekly festival of our Kedeemer's resurrection into
a dismal, cheerless day of austerity and gloom. Ac-
cordingly, though the circumstances were unfavour-
able to such an assembly, the congregation at Milford
Church on the morning of which we are speaking,
26 MILFOKD MALVOISIN.
was nearly as large as it had been in former years.
A common feeling had drawn Churchmen nearer to
the Church and to each other ; and on that day the
good Rector had no cause to complain with respect
either to the attendance or devotion of his flock.
Some of the open seats which belonged to Puritan
families were empty, for Mr. Dolben was no Cal-
vinist, and had not the slightest affection for repub-
lican principles, or the presbyterian schism, and
was of course denounced as " a dumb dog," " a
favourer of popery," "a prelatical hireling," "a
wicked, scandalous malignant," and so forth. Con-
sequently, Mr. Blote who was the leader of the
revolutionary party at Milford, had withdrawn from
the Church, and set up a conventicle in his own
barn, where he sometimes preached himself, and
sometimes listened with great unction to the spiritual
harangues of one Mahalaleel Mumgrizzle, an itiner-
ant vendor of tripe and cow-heels, who was held to
have a more than ordinary share of ministerial gifts
and graces. But although Mr. Blote, and some of
his friends and dependents had absented themselves
from Milford Church, the event had caused very
THE PURITANS. 27
little sensation in the parish, the only wonder seemed
to be that when he had ceased to come to church
(where his attendance had always been irregular),
he should choose to go any where else, for it was
generally supposed that he was a man of no religion
at all. Nobody, therefore, missed Mr. Blote, and
nobody would have thought about him, but for an
incident which we are about to record, and which,
as will be seen in the sequel, was destined to exer-
cise a material influence on the fortunes of the Rec-
tor, parishioners, and church of Milford Malvoisin.
The morning prayers were concluded, and Mr.
Dolben was in the act of administering the Holy
Communion, (which was always celebrated on the
festivals as weU as on Sundays at Milford) when the
Church door was thrown open, and a large unwieldy-
looking man entered with a hawking-pole in his
hand, and a couple of spaniels at his heels. The
high crowned hat (which on coming into the House
of God he still kept up on his head), the sad-coloured
cloak, and plain band of lawn were in accordance
with the fashion of the Puritans, while on the other
hand, a doublet of green velvet, slashed up the
28 MILFOBD MALVOISIIf.
front, and puffed with crimson, and an embroidered
baldric or sword-belt, worn sash-wise over the right
shoulder, seemed to intimate that although the velvet
was worn and weather-stained, and the embroidered
sword-belt was tarnished, they were the habits most
congenial to the taste of the wearer, while the more
recent additions to his apparel had been assumed as
an after-thought. In person, Mr. Blote (for it was
he) was, as we have said, heavy and awkward ; he
looked swollen and unwholesome, while his coarse
red face suggested the thought that he was as fond
of the ale-barrel, as he was gross in his food. When
to this it is added that Mr. Blote's expression of
countenance was surly and over-bearing, we have
left nothing unsaid which can complete a very
unpleasant picture.
Such being the man, his actions were soon seen
to be in accordance with his physiognomy. On
entering the church he apparently did not perceive
that the Holy Eucharist was being administered, for
he whistled to his dogs to follow him, and was pro-
ceeding up the nave towards his own sitting when
the figure of the Clergyman caught his eye, and old
THE PURITANS. 29
impressions, or his better nature prevailing for the
moment, he paused and sat down where he was, and
at the same time speaking in an under tone to his
dogs (who were pattering about the seats snuffing
and whining\ "Quiet, Sir! down Prelate, down
Pope ! down !" he caused them to lie silent at his
feet. He then leisurely surveyed the scene before
him, and from time to time scowled at such mem-
bers of the congregation as returning from the Altar
to where they had been sitting, gazed in surprise as
they passed him, at so unwonted and shocking a
sight.
In a few minutes the service was concluded, and
the congregation retired, the Clergyman, and the
clerk being the only parties left besides Mr. Blote
himself. When Mr. Dolben had taken off his sur-
plice, he approached Mr. Blote, who rose to meet
him, and with an awkward, and somewhat embar-
rassed air proceeded to lift off the broad-brimmed
steeple-crowned hat which he was wearing jauntily
on one side of his head.
" Nay, Sir," said Mr. Dolben, when he saw the
movement, "never doff your hat to me, if you
30 MILFORD MALVOI6IN.
think scorn to doff it to Him whose servant I am.
This is His House, and He has been present among
us according to His promise : if you will not rever-
ence Him, do not aggravate the wrong by reverenc-
ing me."
Mr. Blote had by this time taken his hat off, and
now held it in his hand, twirling it, and twisting it,
as if it burnt his fingers, and as if uncertain whether
to lay it down or put it on his head again.
" It is so long," continued the Hector, " since I
have seen you within these walls, that I hardly know
whether you come among us as a friend or a foe,
but whichever way it is, I am sure you will so far
respect our feelings as to send your dogs out of
church."
" I don't see what harm either my hat or dogs
do you, Master Dolben, or what there is more
in a church than in any other place : but I fear you
will never cast off your papistical prejudices ; how-
ever the dogs may go if you will ; Pope ! Prelate !"
(addressing the spaniels) "get along home.
I always name dogs, Master Rector, after things I
despise."
THE PUBITANS. 31
Mr. Dolben made no answer to this gratuitous
insult, so Mr. Blote continued: "I never saw such
an awful popish sight as you presented at the table
there, with your idolatrous vestments on, fit only
for a priest of Baal ; and your gold and silver cups
and platters and candlesticks, more like the house of
Dagon or Rimmon, or Belshazzar's feast, than an
assembly of Christian people. Ah ! friend, friend,
these things need reformation ; and because of these
things an oppressed people have been forced to take
up the sword. And I tell you and the parishioners of
this place, that if you don't mend yourselves, other
folks will come and mend you. The committee of scan-
dalous ministers is sitting, and they are not likely to
pass you by, unless you join the godly and well-
affected ; and a searching inquiry is being set on
foot after such as be favourers of Popery in their
churches and ministrations. Come hither, friend
Degge, let me see that cup."
This was addressed to the parish-clerk, and had
reference to a beautiful chalice which was standing
on the holy table : but Degge moved not, and only
looked at Mr. Dolben, who said : " The good man
32 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
knows that it is not the custom for any to presume
to enter within the rails, except such as be in holy
orders,* and therefore he does not bring it to you :
but you can see it well enough from the rails."
" Oh, I care nothing about your cups and platters,
and consecrated mummeries : I have seen enough to
sicken one ; and I see enough from this distance to
make me blush for you. Why ! there are carved and
molten images all round the cup !"
"There is a representation of the crucifixion
upon it."
"Ha! what? a crucifix!" exclaimed Mr. Blote ;
" it is indeed time that things be amended among
us. Why, that arch-traitor William Laud, that ro-
chetted viper, that sty of all the pestilential filth that
infects the commonwealth, (praised be mercy that
his talons are cut, and he is now in that place whence
he never will come forth but to die the death, and
go to perdition,!) why, even the prelate at Lambeth
desired not to make matters worse than I find them
See Bp. Montagu's Articles of Inquiry. Tit. iiL 1 11.
+ It is, of course, quite impossible to bring before the reader any
thing like a true picture of the language applied by the Puritans to the
Clergy of the Church of England ; but a specimen of the sort of abuse
then uttered, may remind the reader very forcibly of thetlanguage of
THE PURITANS. 33
in this place. Verily, we must make an end of such
Papistry. I charge you, Master Degge, that those
cups and platters are forthcoming whenever I call
for them, as witnesses against you."
" Thank you for the hint, you crop-eared hypo-
crite," muttered Obadiah Degge to himself. "I will
take good care of them, so please your worship,"
was his audible reply.
Mr. Dolben had borne all this very patiently;
and as it was no use replying to such a person, he
merely waited till Mr. Blote had finished his ha-
rangue, and then quietly asked whether he had any
business with him, as he had other engagements.
"Pray, Sir," said Mr. Blote, "have you ever
heard of such things as petitions by the parishioners
against 'scandalous ministers?' "
divers of the Whig advocates of Ecclesiastical reform. " The Clergy,"
says a puritanical writer, quoted in Walker's Sufferings of the Clergy,
(p. 48), " are a stinking heap of atheistical and Roman rubbish, a rot-
ten rabble of slanderous priests, and spurious bastard sons of Belial,
who, by their affected ignorance and laziness, their false doctrines,
and idolatrous and superstitious practices in God's worship, by their
most abominable evil lives and conversations, had, like Hophni and
Phineas, made the Lord's ordinances to be abhorred by the people."
" Unpopular," " lazy," " Popish !" This has been the cuckoo-cry
of the last ten years.
34 MILFORD MALVOISI.N.
" Yes, Sir, I heard the other day, that two or
three sectaries in the next parish, had petitioned
against their lawful minister for having got a purple
velvet cloth for the communion-table, and for speak-
ing against the Parliament and Mr. Pym."
"And do you know the result, Master Dolben?"
" No, Sir, I have heard nothing further."
"Then I can tell you that your friend Dr. Grey
has been sent for as a delinquent by the Serjeant-at-
arms : and gentlemen in his case are not apt to get
off without heavy fines and long imprisonment."
" Well, they may fine him, but he has little
enough to pay withal ; and for imprisonment, a man
at eighty-five has not long to wait for a release."
" Very true : but you, Master Dolben are richer,
and many years younger than Dr. Grey ; are you pre-
pared to be petitioned against ?"
" I trust so," said the clergyman, " for I have
long been looking for it."
"Unless you take care, you are likely to find
what you look for. Lo ! I come this day to warn
you, that I can no longer tolerate scandals; and
though it will be a sore loss to me not to sit under
THE PUEITAN3. 35
that pious, painful minister, Master Mahalaleel Mum-
grizzle, and to be forced to see you clothed in a
popish rag, dealing out your cold pottage from yon-
der calves' coop," (pointing to the pulpit) " yet I
shall do my duty," (" That will be something new,"
muttered Obadiah Degge) "and shall come and
listen to what you teach the poor benighted creatures,
who call themselves Churchmen. And I shall en-
deavour to induce worthy Mr. Mumgrizzle, who is a
light and a pillar" (" A rushlight and a caterpillar,"
once more muttered the clerk) " to come with me,
that he may judge of your doctrine, and the truth be
established."
" You will do as you please in that matter," an-
swered Mr. Dolben.
"Of course, I shall," replied the Puritan; "but
I shall not demean myself by sitting on yonder bench
with "
" Your fellow-sinners : no, I warrant you ! the
saints are to have it ah 1 their own way now!" ex-
claimed Obadiah Degge, no longer in an under tone,
but at the full pitch of his voice.
Mr. Blote turned pale with rage, and raised his
D2
36 MILFOED MALVOISJN.
hawking-pole for the purpose of striking the indis-
creet teller of home truths ; but Mr. Dolben inter-
fered, and bidding the clerk to be silent, listened
with some curiosity as to what his neighbour would
say next. " I am not going to sit cheek by jowl,"
continued Mr. Blote, " on a bench with ignorant
beasts of ploughmen, and such like scum; but I
shall do as our people have done, and are doing,
elsewhere ; I shall build me a Pew of wainscoat, and
I have told that pious man, Tristram Sugge, to come
here and erect it ; and he promised to be here by
this time. Albeit he has some conscientious scruples
with respect to the lawfulness of entering this place ;
' for what are churches,' said he, ' but the old nests
of Popery into which the cuckoos of Prelacy have
dropped addled eggs, and what are Churchmen,
but vermin that devour the vitals?' "
"Alas !" cried Mr. Dolben, "and is it even come
to this, that men should presume to bring their pride
and exclusiveness into the presence of Him who is
no respecter of persons, and in whose House all are
equal ? I have heard of this wicked fashion : I know
that in towns the churches have been disgraced of
THE PURITANS. 37
late by the erection of great unsightly boxes, in which
those who despise social worship contrive to hide
themselves from their fellow- worshippers : but I never
expected to see such a thing in this place.* And I
declare, that be the consequences what they may to
myself personally, you shall never erect a pew in this
church while I can throw an obstacle in your way."
" And I on the other hand declare, that before
you are an hour older, my pew shall be in progress.
Here, Tristram, Tristram Sugge, bring in your
tools, man, and set to work. The Malignants have
* An inclosed seat (and sometimes a stall and desk, within the
chancel) was generally provided for the patron of the church, and this
mark of distinction (says Britton, Dictionary of Architecture, p. 356)
is noticed in documents as old as 1240 : but until the time of the
Reformation the worshippers stood or knelt upon the floor. Fixed
benches appear to have been seldom used before that period, though
stools were in use. The " pues " which ate spoken of soon after that
epoch, seem to have been what we now call "open sittings," i.e.,
benches with backs, but without doors. The writer has never seen
" a pew," in the modern acceptation of the term, of earlier date than
the seventeenth century. They increased in number with the increase
of Puritanism, were made high and easy for the slumbering times of
William III, and have reached the summit of their glory in our day ;
only, it is to be hoped
" Ut lapso graviore nunt."
All Churchmen must feel grateful to Archdeacon Hare for that part of
his recent charge in which he grapples with this subject
38 MILFOKD MALVOISIN.
had it all their own way long enough, let us see if
we can't mend matters. Hark ye, sirrah, you Degge,
go look if Sugge is in the church-yard, and bid him
come here directly."
The clerk went out, and in a minute returned :
" Yes, Tristram was on the outside of the porch,
hut he would not come in till he had spoken a word
to Master Blote about his scruples."
" Fool !" exclaimed the angry Puritan, and paced
down the aisle, closely followed by Mr. Dolben, who
continued to expostulate with his ill-conditioned pa-
rishioner. And thus they reached the church-door ;
but no sooner had they crossed the threshold, than
Obadiah Degge, who remained within, flung to the
door behind them, locked it, double locked it,-
and running across the church to a door on the oppo-
site side, opened it, and locking it after him, made
his escape almost before Mr. Blote and the Rector
suspected what had been done.
CHAPTER II.
Conscientious Reformers.
Whate'er the Popish hands have built
Our hammers shall undo ;
We'll break their pipes, and burn their copes,
And pull down churches too.
Lawn sleeves and rochets shall go down,
And hey then up go we ;
The leathern cap shall brave the throne,
Then hey, boys, up go we !
The Puritan' i Garland. (1640.)
THAT the noisiest advocates of that one-sided license
miscalled Civil and Religious Liberty, are the greatest
domestic tyrants, and that whenever in authority
themselves, they are wont to trample most merci-
lessly and unscrupulously upon all who differ from
them in opinion, are facts of such general observa-
tion as to have become proverbial; and which, as
they have been abundantly exemplified at other
40 MILFOED MALVOIS1N.
times, so were they the distinguishing characteristics
of the epoch of which we are writing. No sooner
did the Puritanical faction find itself triumphant,
than amid much other horrible wickedness, it com-
menced a course of persecution against those who
had resisted it, which was hardly inferior (though,
as it happened, more bloodless) to that by which
Queen Mary endeavoured to check the progress of
the Eeformation. There are occasions on which it is
a harder trial to be a Confessor than a Martyr : a
man can die but once ; but he who for conscience
sake is compelled to involve a wife and children in
his own ruin, and to see them starving before his
eyes undergoes an hundred deaths ; and this was the
trial, which, as being the cruelest, the Puritans loved
to inflict on those who continued faithful to the
Church and King : the martyrs were few ; confes-
sors were innumerable.
Of course when such a man as Mr. Blote became
his active personal enemy, Mr. Dolben knew that he
must make up his mind for the worst ; and he was not
long kept in suspense. So irritated was the churlish
squire at the refusal he had experienced on 'the subject
THE PURITANS.
of the pew, and so indignant at the insult inflicted on
him by Obadiah Degge, at the instigation (as he no-
thing doubted) of the Rector, that before he laid down
his head upon his pillow that night he had drawn up
a petition to the parliament, representing Mr. Dol-
ben as a teacher of erroneous, Popish, and scanda-
lous doctrines ; which petition, being signed by
himself and his footboy, was duly transmitted to Mr.
Pym, and thereupon, within a fortnight after the
events recorded in the last chapter, a pursuivant was
sent down to Milford to apprehend its unfortunate
Rector, who was forthwith torn from his family, and
having been placed at the bar of the House of Com-
mons, was, after a few irrelevant questions asked,
sent on board ship (for the prisons were now full)
with the prospect of being speedily transported (with-
out further trial) to the plantations, or sent to Algiers,
there to be sold as a slave to the Turks : for, incre-
dible as it may seem, such are said to have been the
tender mercies of the Puritans to their fellow-Chris-
tians, such the justice which the advocates of
liberal opinions (as we call them now-a-days), and
friends of liberty, dispensed to their fellow-subjects.
42 MILFOBD MALVOISIN.
On the afternoon of the day in which Mr. Dol-
ben was taken into custody, Mr. Mumgrizzle left
his lodgings upon a summons from his patron, and
proceeded with all convenient speed to Milford
Grange. Why had Mr. Blote sent for him? Was
there any hope that he might be called upon to
occupy the Rector's deserted pulpit ? was there a
chance of his being put in possession of the old rec-
tory, with its fruitful garden, and three hundred
acres of glebe ? Mr. Blote was a person of increas-
ing influence : such things had been done elsewhere,
why might they not be done at Milford ? Mahala-
leei Mumgrizzle was an ambitious man, but his
vanity was even greater than his ambition, and so
he was beginning to persuade himself not only that
such things were possible, but that no better appoint-
ment could be made, when he became sensible that
he had been overtaken by a fellow-traveller, and on
looking up, recognized a person for whom he had as
great a veneration as he had for Mr. Blote himself;
this was no other than the Reverend Faithful Thun-
derplump, a gentleman who was a sort of Pope
among the Puritans of the midland counties.
THE PURITANS. 43
It will be in the reader's recollection, that about
ten or fifteen years before the events which we are
recording took place, one Dr. Preston, (a person who
had then the chief influence with the Puritans)
devised a plan for promoting the interests of his
party, which, under a very plausible pretence, was as
crafty a scheme for the overthrow of the Church-
government as could be imagined. A Society was
formed for the purchase of impropriations, an object
to all appearance, not only unobjectionable, but
praise - worthy ; but which had for its real purpose
the getting as many livings as possible into the hands
of twelve leading Puritans, who would, of course,
nominate to the respective incumbencies persons of
their own views only ; and exercise an authority far
more absolute than that of all the Prelates put
together. This plan, (which has, alas, been revived
in our day, if not with the same object, at least with
the same tendencies,) was overthrown by the vigil-
ance of Laud (then Bishop of London), but not
until the several members of the Committee had be-
come dangerous from their influence, and the scheme
itself had been the source of much evil, by placing a
44 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
large portion of the clergy under a self-constituted
body, in a state of entire dependence ; by alienating
the inhabitants of large towns from the Church ; and
by infusing, or at least endeavouring to infuse, by
simoniacal means, the leaven of Puritanism through
the entire mass of the people. Among these persons
was the Reverend Faithful Thunderplump, who had
been selected by Dr. Preston as one of his coadju-
tors on the ground of his deep hatred of prelacy,
and his bustling temper, or, as the Doctor pithily
worded it, because he " was a good crow to smell
carrion." On the failure of the impropriation scheme,
Thunderplump became one of the most active mem-
bers of the Puritan faction, and at the period of
which we are writing was member of the Committee
" for the purging of the ministry ;" in other words,
for bringing false and scandalous charges against the
regular Clergy, and thereupon ejecting them from
their livings ; a Committee already of iniquisitorial
power, though it was not till ten years afterwards
(1653) that this system arrived at its height, and
those "Tryers" were appointed, who dividing the
country into six circuits, set themselves to the task
THE PURITANS. 45
of sequestering and ejecting the Clergy, and permitted
none to be instituted in their place, until they had
been " tried, judged, and approved'' by them ; thus
closely resembling the clerical committee of a popu-
lar Society in our own days, and exercising like them
a " Hyper-archiepiscopal, and Super-metropolitan"*
authority.
Nor was Mr. Thunderplump at all ill calculated
for the position in which he was placed. He was a
very complete villain, with very little villainy in his
smooth, sleek, countenance. He had, indeed, a
sinister expression of sly cunning which was suffici-
ently apparent to those who watched him ; but, so
far as features were concerned, he was very well
looking, and even the Puritanical dress could not
conceal the fact that he was an exceeding well-made
man.
A shrewd old lady of our acquaintance has
assured us upon the observation of three-score years,
that nobody, male or female, has so much love made
to them as a popular preacher ; certainly Mr. Thun-
derplump was a case in point. Wherever he
Walker, p. 171.
46 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
appeared he was all but worshipped by the ladies,
who feasted him, followed, and flirted with him in
Scripture phrases, hung upon his smooth words with
rapture, and sat by the hour to hear his extempo-
raneous " lectures" and " exercises."
Such was the person, who mounted upon his
stately black horse, saluted Mahalaleel Mumgrizzle
in the following manner: "Pardon me, my good
friend, for thus intruding on you while your mind is
so occupied with things spiritual. Nay, Master Mum-
grizzle, do not apologize ; I know it was so. Ah,
good man, good man, you are a burning light in
these dark places. Whither are you going?"
" I am on my way to Milford Grange."
" We are companions in travel then," rejoined
Mr. Thunderplump, "and with your leave I will
share your meditations ; so shall we edify one ano-
ther as we go along." So saying, he dismounted
from his steed, and throwing the bridle over his
arm, placed himself at Mumgrizzle's side. "And
what was the passage that occupied your thoughts,
brother? Did you find it sweet and consolatory
to yourself, are you about to expound it faithfully
to others ?"
THE PUBITANS. 47
"I was not thinking of Scripture at all, Master
Thunderplump," answered Mahalaleel in some con-
fusion, " I was just wondering in myself whether
that dumb dog, Parson Dolben, will be ejected
from this living."
" Ah, good man, good man, truly your heart is
full of the milk of human kindness. I see you can
pity and pray for even such a popish Judas, such a
prelatical vessel of wrath as that. But were these
all your thoughts, brother?" asked Thunderplump
with a searching gaze at his companion.
The blood rose in Mumgrizzle's yellow cheek
while he answered, " Yea, I was meditating further
on the poor people at Milford. Will they be left
without a shepherd ? Will no one go down to yonder
steeple-house and teach them ?"
" Ah, good man, good man, such a reflection was
worthy of you: and was this your only thought?"
' No, brother, I felt myself moved to undertake
the charge myself."
" Good man, good man, take heed that you do
not exhaust your strength : you must husband your
precious zeal. And these were your only thoughts ?"
48 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
repeated Mr. Thunderplump once more, with a sly
demure look out of the corners of his eyes.
"Nay, brother, since you press me, I must
honestly confess that my thought was that, under
such circumstances, the labourer would be worthy of
his hire, and that . . . ."
"Aye, aye, your notion was as natural as it was
benevolent ; when you are the patient, prayerful min-
ister of Milford, it is but meet that you should have
yonder rectory as they call it, for your tabernacle.
Lo you there ! I have read all your thoughts without
your telling them to me. Brother, brother, you are
a good man, but too simple-minded; your features
were given you to enable you to hide the thoughts of
your heart, not to betray them. Take my advice,
and never look anybody in the face, never let any
man's eyes rest on your's till you have learned the
secret of concealing, by an impenetrable expression,
all that you wish to conceal. We, the elect, have a
great work before us ; the saints must reign on earth,
as well as in heaven, but our triumph is not yet com-
plete, and we must needs be prudent as serpents."
Then suddenly changing his tone, and giving one
THE PUBITANS. 49
more of his searching looks, Mr. Thunderplump pro-
ceeded, " Pray, have you taken any steps to secure
the heritage of this son of Belial, Dolben? such
things are not like to go a begging."
" No, indeed, Master Thunderplump, I have not,
but I suppose my worthy patron Blote is like to have
the appointment, and if I dared I would fain ask
him."
" And why dare you not ?
" Alas ! for a spiritual-minded man, he is one of
uncertain temper : it is hard to say beforehand how
he might take the application ; he might grant it at
once, or he might make it the excuse for quarrelling
with me for ever."
" Then if Master Mahalaleel Mumgrizzle knows
this, why does he not get some friend to apply in his
behalf, and thus shield himself in case of offence
being taken."
" It will indeed be the best way. Will you make
the petition for me."
"Dolt!" muttered Mr. Thunderplump to him-
self; and then answered audibly, " Nay, brother, it
will suit me as ill as you to quarrel with Mr. Blote ;
50 MILFOBD MALVOI8IN.
you must choose another agent. In all these kind
of cases my plan is to plough with the heifer."
" I do not understand you, brother."
" In plain words, then, set his reife to talk him
over. Women know their times and opportunities,
and have a strange unaccountable influence over
men ; they are the best tools in the world if you
know how to manage them."
" But how are they to be managed ?"
" Find out their weak point and indulge it," an-
swered worthy Mr. Thunderplump. "Don't you
know Mrs. Blote's weak point? Does not she love
drink, as much as he loves money?"
" I fear me it is so, but I cannot drink with her,
indeed I cannot.
" Nay, Mumgrizzle, it is not required of you ; she
drinks like a fish, but drinks in private : wherefore
my advice to you is to send her certain bottles of the
finest stomachic cordial you can procure, (Mara-
schino the profane would recommend), and then the
next time you meet her, let fall the intimation that if
you should be so fortunate as to succeed Mr. Dolben,
you would be ready to let the glebe at half its value to
THE PURITANS. 51
her husband, (you would still have an ample income,)
and to resign your present salary. Now see if that
scheme would not work well ! . . Nay, wherefore do
you hesitate ?" continued the adviser to his friend.
" Would not this savour of the sin of Simony ?"
asked Mumgrizzle doubtfully.
" Go to, for a simple witted fellow," was the re-
ply; "I thought you had known your position and
duties better than to give way to such weak scruples.
See you not, that what would be Simony in others
is not so to those whose object is to advance the
Gospel ? The end sanctifies the means."
With this choice suggestion on his lips, Mr.
Thunderplump and his companion arrived before the
door at Milford Grange, and were speedily admitted
into the presence of the Squire.
Mr. Blote was seated in his easy chair, with a
book in his hand and a jug of ale by his side, both of
which he seemed to be enjoying with great satisfac-
tion, for, on the entrance of his visitors, he waved
his hand, as though he craved a short pause in order
that he might finish the matters in which he was en-
gaged, without interruption. After the delay of a
52 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
minute or two the book was shut and the liquor
drunk, and then Mr. Blote bade his guests welcome,
in a manner which he intended should betoken that
the act was one of great condescension on his part.
Mahalaleel Mumgrizzle shewed his sense of what he
really felt to be an honour, by servile fawning and
exaggerated expressions: Mr. Thunderplump, on the
other hand, full of his own importance, was nettled,
and his vanity wounded at the coolness of his recep-
tion. " I presume," said he, " there is some mistake ;
you have hardly sent for me post-haste, in order that
I may be rewarded at the end of my journey by see-
ing you top off a can of ale, Master Blote ; have I
misunderstood your message, or come at a wrong
hour."
" Neither, my worthy brother, I assure you; but
I was reading this searching book with such unction
that I could not lay it down."
" And what is your book, Sir ?" asked the Prea-
cher, rather doggedly.
" Oh, that blessed work, ' Zion's plea against the
Prelates.' Oh, Alexander Leighton! Alexander
Leighton ! thou hast hit the right nail upon the head,
THE PURITANS. 53
thou hast come to the root ! How touchingly dost
thou exhort the saints to smite the Bishops under the
fifth rib and slay them : how truly dost thou designate
the Man's wife, the woman whom they call Queen,
an idolatress, a Canaanite, a daughter of Heth!"
"Verily, he delivered his testimony faithfully,"
answered Mr. Thunderplump, " and suffered wrong-
fully from the Philistine oppressors ; but the good
man hath his reward."
" How so ?" asked the Squire.
" Have you not heard, then, that he whom the
Prelates cast into a dungeon, is himself become the
prison-keeper ? that Lambeth palace is become Lam-
beth jail, and that he is the jailor thereof?"
" No," replied Mr. Blote ; "but I heard another
matter that was well worth the hearing. Master
Mumgrizzle, they kept May-day better in the Parlia-
ment-house than we did here in Milford : me let the
Malignants get the upper hand of us shamefully on
that day ; aye, Master Mumgrizzle, and at the very
time when I was being locked out of yonder church,
was that pious man, Hugh Peters, bringing forward
his motion that William Laud should, without further
64 MILFOBD MALVOI8IN.
trial or hearing, be transported to New England. I
fear me some wavering professors, who do the work
negligently, have made some opposition to the plan,
and he may escape for a while ; but it was a noble
suggestion, and worthy to be imitated; here or
elsewhere" added the Squire, in an under tone, and as
if he was rather thinking aloud than actually speak-
ing; but the remark was not lost upon Mahalaleel
Mumgrizzle, who immediately groaned forth, " Well-
a-day, my honoured patron, you do but remind us of
sad truths, for if Canterbury has its William Laud,
Milford Malvoisin hath its Bernard Dolben."
"Had you should rather say than 'hath.' I
know by a sure hand that it will be many a day be-
fore that scandalous and unhappy delinquent will be
let out of the safe keeping in which he is now held.
We have rid the country of him ; but, my good and
tried friends," continued the Squire, " the work is
but half done, and I would have your aid in carry-
ing it on further. What boots it that Baal's priest is
removed, if the temple of Baal is still filled with
idolatry and superstition? Should we not make an
end thereof, brother Thunderplump? Ought we
THE PUEITANS. 55
not to purge and make clean, Mahalaleel Mum-
grizzle ?"
" Yea verily," answered the Preachers with one
consent.
" Dear Christian friends," continued Mr. Blote
waxing warm with his subject, and laying aside for
awhile the haughtiness of his manner, in order to
secure his present object the better, "Dear Chris-
tian friends, it is no small satisfaction to me to have
the support of your wisdom and experience. I be-
lieve you are both aware of the sore trial to which I
was exposed no long while since, on a day when cir-
cumstances led me down to the Church. Oh ! the
mummeries! Oh! the superstition of that place!
Verily, if the Liturgy (lethargy would be a better
name !) be an unpurged mass-book ; the churches are
yet in these parts but unpurged mass-houses. So I
felt on that unhappy occasion ; and thereupon my
spirit burned within me to effect a pious reformation
which I would now carry through in your pre-
sence. We have all heard of those heavenly-minded
men in the seven associated counties,* who have been
* Norfolk, Suffolk, Cambridge, Essex, Lincoln, Herts, & Huntingdon.
56 MILFOKD MALVOISIN.
labouring with the Earl of Manchester, to root out
the marks of the beast; how they have thrown
down images, and defaced pictures, and destroyed
the crosses, and copes, and railings, and organs, and
such like abominations."
"Yea, doubtless," answered Mr. Mumgrizzle,
" their praises are sounded forth in every congrega-
tion."
" Painful labourers are they all, and I fear are
but ill requited; my kinsman, William Dowsing,
got but six and eight-pence for breaking with his
own hands the sun and moon, and two hundred more
of the thousand superstitious pictures which were
destroyed at Clare in Suffolk."*
" Well-a-day," groaned forth Mahalaleel with
upturned hands and eyes, " but we live in a thank-
less generation."
" True, my worthy friend," replied Mr. Blote,
" but we must return good for evil ; and so through
my kinsman's good offices I have obtained a war-
rant to remove all scandals and superstitions from
Milford church ; thither I trust you will go with me,
See Dowsing's Journal, p. 11.
THE PURITANS. 57
and we will begin and make an end together. I
have already, in expectation of your arrival, sent
down to the clerk (a malignant like his master) to he
ready with the keys ; and Tristram Sugge, and some
other godly professors, Diggory Brix, the mason,
Kit Cummin, my serving-man, Roger Newte, and
Phineas Frogspawn, are at hand to accompany us."
It is needless to say that such a proposal was
received with delight; and that these zealous, sin-
gle-hearted men, were forthwith wending their way
to the church at Milford Malvoisin.
CHAPTEK III.
llcfonu fn progress.
Such as do build their faith upon
The holy text of pike and gun ;
Decide all controversies by
Infallible artillery ;
And prove their doctrine orthodox.
By apostolic blows and knocks ;
Call fire, and sword, and devastation
A thorough-going reformation,
Which always must be carried on,
And still be doing, never done :
As if religion were intended
For nothing else but to be mended.
Hudibrat.
To what degree the spoliation of our churches might
have been carried if Divine Providence had not mer-
cifully interposed, and by cutting short the life of
King Edward VI., put a sudden stop to the nefarious
designs of his unprincipled and rapacious attendants,
MILFORD MALVOISIN. 69
it is hard to say ; but tremendous as was the amount
of sacrilege committed during his short reign, and
the closing years of his father's life, it was less than
that for which the Puritans are responsible. Para-
doxical as such an assertion may seem, the accession
and reign of Queen Mary (bloody as her Spanish
advisers rendered it) were great and positive advan-
tages to the Church of England, inasmuch as they
checked the growth of that foreign influence which
had begun to introduce all manner of evil among us ;
which, in 1552, had actually effected material alter-
ations in the Liturgy, and which was evidently bent
upon establishing our whole ecclesiastical polity upon
the Geneva model. During the long reigns of Eliza-
beth and James there was time for sounder Church
principles to gain ground ; and but, perhaps, for the
elevation of Abbot to the Primacy, the followers of
Calvin would never have obtained their bad pre-emi-
nence among us. Eventually, indeed, as we know
too well, and feel, alas ! to the present hour, they
did get the upper hand ; and in the murder of their
anointed Sovereign, and the temporary overthrow of
the altar and the throne, we have a sample of the ex-
60 MILFOKD MALVOI8IN.
tent of evil which they might have accomplished, if
at an earlier period Providence had permitted them
to domineer over the Church. But the Reformation
in this country was not sullied by their crimes. Great
and grievous sacrilege there was ; but there is some
comfort in the thought that "the mutilations to which
our churches have been visibly subjected, were not
the work of the Reformers (which would give them a
certain authority in the eyes of Protestants), but are
to be referred to the Rebellion in the next century,
a political and ecclesiastical catastrophe which went
far indeed beyond the wishes and intentions of the
Reformers."
As soon as the pious conclave whom we left at
Milford Grange had entered the church-yard, Mr.
Blote looked round him in evident expectation of
seeing Obadiah Degge, and no doubt was experienc-
ing very considerable satisfaction from the thought
that he could now pay back with interest the insult
which had been put upon him. But Obadiah was
not to be seen; the only person present besides
themselves was a little urchin of a boy, who was en-
joying a solitary game at leap-frog over the backs of
THE PURITANS. 61
the tomb-stones, and who, after giving one glance at
the band of destructives, turned three times head
over heels, and then re-commenced his pastime. By
this time Tristram Sugge had run forward and tried the
several doors of the church, but they were all locked.
"Boy!" cried Mr. Blote, beckoning towards the
tomb-stones : but the boy came not ; he began walk-
ing indeed, but it was upon his head, and in a differ-
ent direction.
" Sirrah ! you boy, why don't you come when the
Squire calls you ?" was now shouted by half-a-dozen
voices at once.
The active youth was evidently alarmed at the
hubbub ; and, after a succession of rapid summersets,
lit upon his legs, and came up to the party grinning,
with cap in hand. He was a thin, stunted lad, with
lank sandy hair, features not unlike those of a skin-
ned rabit, and his face freckled into all imaginary
shades of yellow and brown; it need hardly be said,
therefore, that he was very ugly, but his bright,
sharp eye beamed with intelligence, at least, when it
suited him to be intelligent; and there was an ex-
pression of cunning, mingled with an apparent love
63 MILFOKD MALVOI8IN.
of mischief, which, altogether, suggested the idea
that he was one with whom it was desirable to keep
on good terms. He approached those who called
him in the manner we have described, but when he
had arrived within five or six yards of them he
stopped short, as if not choosing to put himself
within arms length of them.
"How now, Sir?" cried Mr. Blote, "why
did'nt you come when I called."
" Did'nt know as you called me, Sir."
" Why, is there any other boy in the church-
yard?"
" Never another young 'un, Sir, as I knows on ;
but I thought perhaps you meant the old boy."
" Old boy ? what do you mean ?"
" Oh, I've often heard Roger Newte call Master
Mumgrizzle an old boy, have'nt I, Roger ? so how
could I tell ?"
Roger Newte who was standing behind Mr. Mum-
grizzle, shook his fist at the urchin ; and then pro-
ceeded to tell the Squire that there was not such a
lying mischievous little varlet in the parish ; and
that he was Obadiah Degge's nephew.
THE PTJE1TANS. 63
" Ah, no doubt he takes after his uncle," cried
Mr. Blote, " but we must teach him better manners.
Hark ye, Sir, what is your name ?"
" Higgle, please your worship, Eli Higgle ; but
my grandam calls me the wriggling eel."
" Now, then, if you do'nt answer my question
properly, I'll give you something that shall make you
wriggle more than you like my lad. Where's your
uncle ?"
"Please, Sir, I believe you're a treading on
him."
" Not that uncle, blockhead ; we all know Peter
Higgle is dead and buried; the Squire wants to
know where Obadiah Degge is," said the carpenter.
"Oh! he's gone to the wars," answered the
boy.
" Gone to the wars !" cried the Squire in a tone
of disappointment, "why I told him to meet me
with the key of the church."
"He bade me come down here, Sir, and wait
for you, and tell you he was very sorry he could' nt
attend your honour's pleasure, but he had a pressing
invitation to go and shoot Roundheads."
64 MILFOKD MALVOISIN.
Something very like an oath burst from the
Squire's lips. " And has your precious uncle, you
young cockatrice, not sent down the keys of the
church?"
" No, please your honour's worship ; for he said
I had better find out first whether you would have
them now, or wait till you get them;" and the boy
grinned from ear to ear.
Mr. Blote sprang forward with the intention of
seizing the saucy monkey and giving him a good
beating, but Eh' Higgle kept his sharp eyes in full
occupation, and the moment he saw the bulky
Squire's first movement, he turned round, jumped
over half a dozen grave-stones in succession, bounded
over the low churchyard wall in an instant, and set
off at full speed across the fields, shouting as he went
the words of a popular ditty. Mr. Blote had no
inclination for a race ; and though he seemed dis-
posed to allow one or two of his satellites to com-
mence a pursuit, he speedily changed his mind, and
directed them to force open the locked door. This
being effected without much difficulty, the whole
body rushed into the church tumultuously.
THE PUEITANS. 65
"How now?" exclaimed the Squire, as he per-
ceived that one or two of those who accompanied
him, had instinctively taken off their hats; "How
now, Phineas Frogspawn ! How now, Roger Newte !
are you going to turn prelatists? What! would you
doff your beavers as if this den of superstition, were
holy ground?" The abashed rustics immediately
replaced their hats.
"Dear brethren," said Mr. Thunderplump, "in
the painful duty which has devolved on us, I am
sure your hearts' desire is that it should be carried
through so effectually, as that we should leave no
room for those that come after us to say that we did
the work negligently. We will make our reforms in
this church a pattern to the whole neighbourhood.
Wherefore that nothing should through forgetfulness
or over haste be omitted, lo, our worthy Squire
and I will take our places here where you can see
us, and we will give our directions from hence."
With that Mr. Thunderplump sat himself down upon
the altar, and beckoned to Mr. Blote to do the
same.
"Now, first," observed the Preacher, "let us
F
66 MILFOKD MALVOISIN.
get a little day-light, in order that we may see what
we are about. The sunshine has been too long kept
out, and the whole place darkened with all these su-
perstitious paintings. Take up yonder Prayer-book,
Diggory, it seems a heavy one, and see if you can't
send it into the churchyard."
In an instant there was a loud crash, and the
glass of a beautiful painted window, shivered into a
thousand pieces, fell rattling on the floor.
"Very well, for a beginning, Diggory," said
Mr. Thunderplump with a calm smile, " only me-
thinks you are too vigorous, considering you have a
heavy work before you ; it is mere waste of strength
to make an onslaught like that. Try again more
gently.... Ah! that was better," (as another
light was dashed to pieces). " Once more ; well-a-
day, what a blessed thing it is to see the sunshine ;
don't you think so, brother Mumgrizzle ?"
Brother Mumgrizzle rubbed his hands, and
almost screamed with delight.
"I don't think you need further instructions,
Diggory ; there are twelve windows of three lights
each ; don't hurt yourself, don't let your spirits run
THE PURITANS. 67
away with you. Give me a hammer, Tristram
Sugge ; I feel warming to the work, and will supply
you with stone, to smash the upper lights withal.
Dear, dear ! I was not aware that alabaster was so
soft !" continued Mr. Mumgrizzle, as he knocked off
the head of an angel, which adorned the Founder's
altar tomb, with a blow of his hammer, and then pro-
ceeded to destroy every piece of carving within his
reach in like manner.
Meanwhile, the glorious series of painted win-
dows which (as usual in those days) filled the whole
church, and which portrayed the principal events of
the life of our blessed Saviour, were broken so effec-
tually, that at the end of half an hour not a single
figure was left unmutilated with the exception of
that of the Devil in the Temptation, which was saved
at Roger Newte's suggestion, because, as he said,
though the Parliament had given orders to break
down saints, there was no order to break down the
devil ;* whereat one or two that stood by, and knew
the character of the man, whispered to one another
This is a fact, and the place where it occurred was Canterbury
Cathedral See Walker, p. 25.
F2
68 MILFOKD MALVOIS1N.
that it was plain enough who was Newte's saint. It
was during the destruction of this last window, and
after two or three heavy stones had been thrown
through the shattered quarries into the churchyard,
that to the alarm of the spoilers a flight of stones
found their way back again into the church, and the
largest of them lighted with considerable force on
Mr. Mumgrizzle's nose, who fell to the ground with
a dismal howl, and declared to his terror stricken
companions that he had seen a grinning face of
fiendish expression peering through the broken glass,
and had no doubt that it was the Adversary of man-
kind himself. It was some time before any of his
companions summoned courage to run into the
churchyard, and when they did, it was of course
empty. Luckily Messrs. Blote and Thunderplump
were at the other extremity of the church, or per-
haps they would have recognized the features of Eli
Biggie, and thereby destroyed (what the Puritans
loved so much) a well-authenticated tale of visible
Satanic agency.
We will not weary and disgust our readers with
any lengthened or circumstantial detail of the fur-
THE PUKITANS. 69
ther progress of these pious reformers. The scenes
enacted in the church of Milford Malvoisin were in
those times an every-day sight ; and from the lofty
Cathedral down to the humblest and poorest House
of God in the land, there is scarcely a sacred edifice
of those existing at that period, which does not still
bear upon it the marks of the Puritan oppressors'
" ruthless sway." If the country had been exposed
to foreign invasion, and to all the license and plun-
der of a triumphant enemy, she could not have had
harder measure than she experienced at the hands
of her own children. Every church and consecrated
building wore the appearance of having undergone a
siege, and been sacked; and that " Storm-beeldery,"
(as the Flemings, among whom it began at Ypres,
happily designated the iconoclasm of the sixteenth
century) which marked the temporary downfall of
the Church of England, would have shown unequi-
vocally the real spirit of the Parliamentarian faction,
even if history had preserved no other records of
its tyranny, its hypocrisy, and its bold defiance of
God. Yet indelible as are the memorials of that
miserable time, irreparable as are many of the evils
70 MILFOED MALVO18IN.
then inflicted on us, we may yet turn them into
blessings if only we receive them as pregnant warn-
ings ; nay, the very mutilation of our churches may
preach more eloquently to us, and be a more heart-
stirring homily, and witness, against the errors of the
present day, than could have fallen from the lips of
any uninspired teacher. As we look upon the ruin
and desolation to which the Houses of God were
exposed, we may reflect upon the rise, the progress,
and the end of rebellion ; we may see to what des-
perate lengths men, (many, no doubt, of laudable
intentions) may be drawn by faction ; and we may
understand with what true wisdom that petition is
inserted in the Litany, wherein we pray the Lord
to deliver us from all sedition, privy conspiracy,
and rebellion; from all false doctrine, heresy, and
schism ; from hardness of heart, and contempt of
His Word and Commandment ; from all those sins,
in short, " which draw after them, in certain and
inevitable consequence, the heaviest of all chastise,
ments upon a guilty nation."*
The progress of spoliation in Milford Church was,
Quarterly Review, Vol. 25, p. 346.
THE PURITANS. 71
as we have said, identical in kind with that which took
place elsewhere. In the eyes of the Puritans, what-
ever was ancient was popish, and whatever was
popish was idolatrous. Those blind leaders of the
blind either could not, or would not see any distinc-
tion between what had the sanction of apostolical anti-
quity, and what had been introduced by the Romanists
of yesterday. They could not comprehend that some
Roman usages might yet be Catholic and Scriptural ;
they had no fear of rooting up the wheat, while eradi-
cating what they were pleased to consider the tares in
the field of the Church. In their malice or their igno-
rance, it was the same to them what they destroyed,
provided only, that they could be guilty of some
sacrilegious act. Whether the windows which they
fractured were filled with scriptural illustrations, or
obscure legends from the breviary, whether the
sculptured stone portrayed the instruments of the
Passion, or exhibited in bas-relief the sufferings of
souls in purgatory, whether the name that adorned
the pannels of the roof was that of the Virgin-Mother,
or her ever-blessed Son, all was one to them, it was
equally popish, and destined to indiscriminate des-
truction.
72 MILFOKD MALVOI8IN.
And thus it fared at Milford ; some broke down
the emblems of the Holy Trinity, and defaced the
Cross wherever they could find it. Some tore up the
monumental brasses, others battered and mutilated
the tabernacle work of the altar-tomb. The texts of
scripture which were emblazoned on the walls,
" the scrolls that teach to lire and die,"
were obliterated with mud and filth, the rood
screen, and parcloses which separated the chantry
from the chancel, with all their dainty carved work
and pannelling; the altar rails, and the sedilia within
the sacred inclosure, were in turn subjected to the
axes and hammers of the frantic destroyers : the altar
was dragged from the east end, and set in the middle
of the church : the font was broken off its pedestal,
and sent by the Squire to his kennel to hold water for
his dogs; while the canopy over the font, " with a
pelican on the top, picking its breast, all gilt over
with gold," like that at U fford, which William Dow-
sing of eternal infamy took such pleasure in destroy-
ing, was dragged out of the church, and together with
fragments of the broken organ, the surplices, and
an ancient cope which was still used on the high festi-
THE PURITANS. 73
vals, (the sight of which ' rag of popery,' coming sud-
denly upon his broken nose, threw Mr. Mumgrizzle
into a dead faint) was speedily converted into a heap
of glowing ashes.
Meanwhile, the Squire and Mr. Thunderplump,
who had suggested and encouraged each separate act
of sacrilege, found themselves half choked with the
dust which had been raised, and feeling rather thirsty
with their exertions, proceeded to the ambry, or cup-
board in which the sacramental wine was kept, for the
purpose of refreshing themselves therewith. To their
disappointment, however, the ambry was empty, and
they were about to leave the church, when Mr. Blote
exclaimed that he had nearly forgotten one of the
points which required most serious correction. " Oh,
brother," said he, " you know not what papistical ves-
sels of gold and silver were wont to be displayed on
yonder table at communion : candlesticks and dishes,
cups and platters, covered with graven images, and
deadly superstitions!"
" Surely," answered Mr* Thunderplump, with
one of his meekest looks, and most dolorous sighs,
" it behoves us as Christian men, to consign them to
74 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
the crucible and melting pot. Let them be sold, and
the proceeds given to the poor. Why should there
be such waste of gold and silver? Better a pewter
cup and dish, and a leather or wicker bottle, or even
a tavern wine pot,* by way of flagon, than any of
such popish vessels as you describe."
With part of this suggestion Mr. Blote was well
pleased ; he was quite ready to see pewter substituted
for the more precious metals, but he was by no
means anxious to have recourse to the crucible, for
to say truth, he had fully resolved to appropriate to
his own use a beautiful pair of silver gilt candlesticks
which, in obedience to the rubric, were always placed
upon the altar ; so he met the question by saying,
" Ah, my worthy friend, you are always ready with a
pious suggestion ; and certainly, if there were no
other call for it elsewhere, the surplus when these
things are sold, might be given to the poor ; but this
day's work will put the parish to some expense ; win-
dows must be repaired and so forth ; I think / had
better take charge of the plate, and dispose of it for
these and such like purposes.'
See Bp. Montagu's Articles of Inquiry 1638, p. 51
THE PUBITANS. 75
" A better plan could not be devised," answered
the Preacher, " let us see the vessels forthwith.
Where be they ?"
" They are kept in an iron chest in the vestry;"
replied Mr. Blote, " it will be well if that rascal,
Obadiah Degge, has left the keys behind him."
To the vestry they immediately proceeded, but
the chest was no longer in its wonted place ; and that
it had recently been moved, was evident, for there was
a mark where it had been dragged along the floor,
which, from its appearance, could not have been
made many days. After searching about in vain for
some time, the two reformers bethought them of fol-
lowing up the track, and were led to a door in the
tower which was locked.
Tristram Sugge, the carpenter, was now called up,
and after a good deal of trouble the door was forced
open. The interior was very dark, but a light being
procured, one angle of the iron chest was discovered
peeping out from under a load of lumber which had
been heaped over it.
" See the cunning of these Malignants !" ex-
claimed the Squire, as a glimmering of the truth
76 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
flashed into his mind ; " I now remember telling
Obadiah Degge, the last time I was here, to have
these things ready for my inspection, and this is the
trick the scoundrel has played me."
".Aye, aye, he thought he had hid them where no
eye could find them," cried Mr. Thunderplump ;
"but we will soon shew him his error. Here, my
friends, bear a hand and haul out this chest for us."
The rest of the party, who had now once more
re-entered the church came forward to assist, and
in process of time, and after sore complaints of
its weight, the chest was brought into the light of
day.
It was an iron box fastened with three locks, and
supplied with every contrivance that could make it
a work of labour and difficulty to break it open ;
for it is hardly necessary to say that our friend Oba-
diah had not left his keys behind him.
Mr. Blote looked rather blank on inspecting it,
but desired Tristram Sugge to fetch his tools, and
force the locks.
But Tristram shook his head. He was " willing
to try, if his honour's worship desired it, but he knew
THE PURITANS. 77
he should only break his tools. They had better
send for Sampson Hornyhold the blacksmith, and it
was like to be a day's work for him."
The blacksmith was sent for accordingly ; but
was at first so utterly amazed at the havock which
had been made in the church, that it was a long
while before he could recover his senses sufficiently
to express his opinion that it would be "a mortal
tough job, and that he hardly knew how to set about
it."
However, when he had scratched his head a
little more, and grinned at the broken windows, he
set off to his shop, and in due time returned with a
supply of iron crowbars, and sledge hammers, and,
(which the Squire could have dispensed with, as he
wished to finish his evil work without interruption)
with half the parish at his heels.
Loud and bitter were the complaints of the
honest folks when they saw the desolation of their
church ; but they were awed by the Squire's presence,
and the sight of the warrant, and stood by in sullen
silence, while the blacksmith laboured away at the
iron chest. Blow fell upon blow, and one tool after
78 MILFOKD MALVOISIN.
another was bent or broken, but little or no impres-
sion was made upon the lid. At length, at the end
of two hours of hard labour, one of the hinges gave
way. Every eye was then turned towards the chest.
" It will soon come now," cried the blacksmith.
" It is time it should," replied Mr. Blote, ap-
proaching the box. And accordingly, after a little
more wrenching, and a few more blows, off came the
lid, and discovered an interior, not full of gold and
silver sacramental plate, but containing only a mask,
a halter, and some large stones, which had evidently
been there placed to make the chest more weighty.
This was all the treasure which revealed itself to
Mr. Blote's longing eyes, and lest he should be in
any doubt why such articles were placed there, the
following doggrel had been chalked on the interior
of the lid :
"A HYPOCRITE'S MASK, AND A HANGMAN'S CORD,
FOE WEARING THB FIRST, BE THE LAST YOUE REWARD !"
It is impossible to describe the rage, shame, and
vexation of Mr. Blote as he perused this complimen-
tary couplet, and heard the shout of laughter which
was raised by his fellow-parishioners. For a moment
THE PUBITANS. 79
he stood pale and trembling, with quivering lips and
down-cast eyes, and then casting a look of hatred
and contempt on the jeering crowd, he seized Mr.
Thunderplump's arm, and followed by his servants
dashed out of the church. And it was well for him,
perhaps, he did so ; for popular indignation was so
extreme against him, and the satisfaction so great at
Obadiah Degge's successful trick, that had the Squire
stayed much longer he might have been thrown into
his own horse-pond.
As it was, he hurried home, cursing his own stu-
pidity for having been led step by step into the trap
which the shrewd clerk had prepared for him. But
Obadiah Degge was now far from Milford, and out
of the wrathful Squire's reach ; so Mr. Blote was
left to digest his anger as best he could ; and this
was no easy matter. In vain Mr. Thunderplump
endeavoured to console him, in vain he recom-
mended him to rest in his easy chair, and to disport
himself by reading worthy Mr. Sibbs' " Seven sobs
of a sorrowful soul ;" " the which," he added,
" will greatly alleviate the perturbation of your
honour's worshipful spirit." Mr. Blote paced up
80 MILFOKD MALVOISIN.
and down the room, vowing vengeance on every
man, woman, and child in Milford ; and it was only
when Mr. Thunderplump suggested that such seem-
ing distress of mind would afford an excuse to
the enemy for saying that Mr. Blote was consci-
ence-struck, that the Squire began to control himself.
He then gradually assumed great dignity of manner,
and after speaking with deep satisfaction of his hav-
ing been the humble instrument for the reformation
of the parish church, and for the rooting out of
superstition; "I have now good hope," said he,
" that we shall have painful gospel-preaching Minis-
ters, and a place of worship no longer contaminated
with popery; yea, a place in which I can appear
without scruple ; and therefore Tristram Sugge,
do you go down to the church immediately, and
with the wainscoating which we have pulled down
to-day, do you erect a goodly PEW, meet for a per-
son in my station, wherein I can sit at mine ease,
and judge of the doctrines of the preacher, without
being crowded upon or discommoded by the common
wretches who used to crawl to hear old Dolben."
Under such circumstances a structure was erected
THE PURITANS.
81
whose history, for the next two hundred years, we
now propose to set before our readers, with greater
or less minuteness, as circumstances seem to require.
CHAPTER IV.
f)e Dorm(tor0.
" The reverend pile lay wild and waste,
Profaned, dishonour'd, and defaced.
Through storied lattices no more
In soften'd light the sunbeams pour,
Gilding the Gothic sculpture rich
Of shrine, and monument, and niche.
The Civil fury of the time
Made sport of sacrilegious crime ;
For dark Fanaticism rent
Altar, and screen, and ornament"
Walter Scott.
As soon as Mr. Blote was recovered from the
fatigues of his " thorough-going reformation" in Mil-
ford Church, he began to think seriously of purify-
ing the Parsonage, for although Mr. Dolben had
been thrown into confinement, his wife and little
ones were still permitted to continue in their old
THE PURITANS. 83
home without molestation. Such an act of mercy,
however, being wholly at variance with the usual
practice of the Puritans, it may perhaps be fairly
presumed that Mrs. Dolben's continuance at Milford
Rectory was rather the result of an accidental over-
sight, than of any spark of pity being found in the
bosoms of her husband's enemies. However, she
was not left long in peace, for when pious Mr. Mum-
grizzle in obedience to Mr. Thunderplump's sugges-
tions, had hinted to the Squire that in his opinion no
man would be worthy of the charge of that parish,
who was not prepared, in humble acknowledgment
of what Mr. Blote had done for the cause of true
religion, to offer the glebe to that gentleman at
half or one third of its yearly value ; the disinter-
ested reformer was so taken with the notion, that
acting, as he always did, upon the purest motives, he
intimated his entire conviction that no one could be
more fitted for the vacant post than Mr. Mumgrizzle
himself, and undertook both to get him the appoint-
ment, and to put him in possession of the glebe
house, and its appurtenances.
Accordingly, in about ten days after the events
62
84 MILFOKD MALVOISIN.
recorded in the last chapter, the Earl of Stamford
who at that time had the charge of pillaging all that
kept faith and allegiance to the king in the district
wherein Milford was situated, sent a troop of horse
to appropriate for the use of the State (for in that
day, as well as in our own, public theft was called
" appropriation,") all the victuals, corn, and house-
hold stuff on which they could lay their hands ; and
so faithfully did they execute their commission, that
they not only carried off every thing of the slightest
value which was moveable, but they broke up and
burned the heavier articles of furniture, they seized
the property of the servants, stripped an infant in its
cradle for the value of its clothes, and when Mrs.
Dolben and her children besought them on their
knees to leave them one loaf, they refused the peti-
tion, swearing with frightful oaths " that they would
keep them so short, that they should eat the very
flesh from their arms ;" and when they had turned
the miserable family out of doors, they actually took
security of the neighbours that they would give them
no food, and threatened the village miller, " that if
he ground any corn for the malignant woman and
THE PURITANS. 85
her children, they would grind him in his own
mill."*
It was in the dusk of a cold, rainy, autumnal
evening that Mrs. Dolben found herself ejected from
her home, surrounded by her terrified and weeping
little ones, and bearing in her arms her naked infant.
Her first care was to strip off some portion of her
own clothing, and wrap it round the chilly limbs of
the helpless babe ; her next to endeavour to find
some place of shelter for the night. The troopers
being still in the village, she did not choose to expose
any of her poor neighbours to the risk of that bar-
barity and plunder, for which their harbouring her
See an account of the treatment experienced by the family of
Thomas Swift, Vicar of Goodrich, in Herefordshire, in Walker's Suf-
ferings of the Clergy, p. 361, in which, in addition to the atrocities
detailed above, and many others, it is recorded that the mother of the
family being obliged to fly for her life, was unable to carry her un-
weaned infant with her ; and the Puritan soldiers, continues Walker,
" ransacking every corner of the house, that nothing might be left
behind, they find a small pewter dish in which the dry nurse had put
pap to feed the poor babe : this they seize on too : the nurse intreats
for God's sake, that they would spare that: pleading that in the
mother's absence it was all the sustenance which was, or could be,
provided to sustain the child's life ; and on her knees intreated to shew
mercy to the child, that knew not the right hand from the left :
but" instead of granting her petition, "they threw the food to their
dogs, and put up the dish as their lawful prize."
86 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
might have afforded a pretext; and therefore on
leaving the rectory, she proceeded at once into the
fields behind it, in hopes of gaining admittance into
a barn which lay at no great distance. But she was
doomed to disappointment, the barn was locked, and
the nearest dwelling house a mile distant. The mo-
ther pressed her baby to her bosom, and burst into a
flood of tears. But she was not one to yield to the im-
pulse of her feelings, and become helpless when it was
her duty to exert herself. For a minute or two she
sat down upon a stone which lay near her, to reflect
what was the best course to pursue, and then wiping
away her tears, and kissing her children one by one,
she bade them be of good comfort, they would soon
walk a mile, and they would be safe from further
violence at Goody Bink's lonely cottage. They had
hardly proceeded a hundred yards, however, before
two or three drunken troopers dashed by in the very
direction to which they were going. The unhappy
family were thus once more cut off from their hope
of security ; and Mrs. Dolben was reflecting how she
could best protect her children from the inclemency of
the night air to which they now seemed destined to be
THE PURITANS. 87
exposed, when the sound of the church clock, and
the sight of the old tower looming through the even-
ing mist, suggested the thought that there was a
chance of shelter within its walls. Thither, there-
fore, Mrs. Dolben turned her steps, creeping along
the hedge sides, and pursuing the most circuitous
route, and followed in silence by her children.
It was now nearly dark, for the moon had not yet
risen, but before Mrs. Dolben reached the field
nearest the churchyard, she became sensible that
some person was following her steps at a little dis-
tance. When she stopped, the figure stopped too,
and apparently endeavoured to conceal itself. The
mother's heart beat fast, and she hesitated whether
or not to advance further : but on looking back at a
moment when the figure of her pursuer was no longer
shrouded from observation under the shade of the
hedge, but was standing out in full relief against the
sky, she perceived to her unspeakable comfort that
the dreaded intruder was a woman like herself, and
she therefore resolved to approach her. She had
not retraced many steps when the stranger hurried
forward, and exclaimed: "Is it Madam Dolben?
Thank God I have found you at last !"
88 MILFOBD MALVOISLN.
" Oh ! my good Mary Gretton," cried the cler-
gyman's wife, recognizing instantaneously the voice
and person of one of her poor neighbours, " Are you
a sufferer like myself? Have you been driven out
of your home this bitter night?"
" Oh no, Ma'am, the wicked soldiers have spared
us, but we heard what had happened to you ; and
so Ann Clarke, and Dolly Banks, and Margaret
Fletcher, and I agreed that we should each of us
take a different road, find out where you were, and
bring you food and what we could for the poor chil-
dren. Bless their hearts, poor things, they must be
well nigh clem'd with cold and hunger. Alack,
alack, that we should have ever lived to see such a
day as this."
Deeply touched at the kindness and affection of
the generous cottagers, Mrs. Dolben attempted to
express her thanks, but the tears choked her utter-
ance; and she could only press Mary Gretton's
hand.
" Ah, dear, dear !" cried the latter, " your hand
is as cold as a corpse's ; and these darlings will perish
if they stand longer here. I dare not offer you a
lodging in my cottage yonder, (though I am sure,
THE PURITANS. 89
Madam, you are welcome to it, and every thing else,
for you have been a good friend to me and mine, and
I owe you more than I can ever pay) but the town
is so full of those rascal soldiers, that you would not
be safe for a moment ; but the last place they are
likely to come to will be the Church, and if you
could make shift to sleep there to night, we, (that
is Ann Clarke and I) could make you tolerably com-
fortable ; I have brought some bread and meat in
my basket, and a bottle of milk.''
By this time they had entered the churchyard.
All was still and quiet there, save the owls that ever
and anon hooted to each other as they wheeled along
in heavy flight, and quitted in search of prey the
dark yew-trees which sheltered them during the
day time. The children started, and clustered
round their mother, at the unwonted sound, but the
wanderers were exposed to no more serious interrup-
tion, and in a few moments they entered the church-
porch. This porch, (as is not uncommonly the case,)
contained a small chamber, (or parvise, as it was
anciently called) in the story above, which was sup-
posed to have been the sleeping apartment of the
90 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
chantry-priest, and which Mrs. Dolben thought
would be a resting-place, secure at once from inter-
ruption, and less irreverent than the interior of the
Sacred edifice itself. Ah 1 the other doors of the
church had been broken open, as the reader knows,
a fortnight before, and (considering who had now the
chief authority in such matters,) it need hardly be
added that they had not been subsequently repaired.
It happened, however, that on the day when the
House of God was exposed to the ravages of the
Puritans, the parvise had been overlooked : the
doorway of entrance to the staircase which led to it,
being small, and hidden by the main door of the
church when thrown back on its hinges, had escap-
ed observation, and unluckily for Mrs. Dolben re-
mained locked.
So the mother and her children sat down on the
bench in the porch, and while they ate with thank-
fulness the food which their kind friend had pro-
vided for them, Mary Gretton proceeded into the
church to look for some sheltered spot in which they
might pass the night. The moon had now risen, and
beaming through the broken windows, and open
THE PURITANS. 91
doors, revealed with tolerable distinctness the inte-
rior of the church. Everything was in the confusion
in which it had been left, and the cold wind, as it
sighed through the deserted aisles, seemed to mourn
over the melancholy scene, and the desecration
which had come upon the House of God. Vain,
however, were Mary's attempts to find a sheltered
spot ; the night air seemed to rush in eddies round
every pillar, and to pour down from every broken
lattice, and she was about to leave the body of the
building, and endeavour to find a more comfortable
place in the room below the bell chamber, when
Squire Blote's new pew struck her eye, At first
she hardly comprehended its nature and object, but
on entering it she speedily made the discovery
(although it possessed none of the cushions and car-
pets, and luxurious accommodation of modern pews)
that it was still a very tolerable resting-place for a
homeless family on a cold night. " It's a pity," she
said, looking upward at the mass of carpentry, which
supported by corkscrew columns at each of its four
angles, formed a sort of canopy above the seat ; " It's
a pity they didn't make the lid fit close to the top of
92 MILFOED MALVOI8IN.
the box ; it would have been more private for them
as could'nt say their prayers with their neighbours,
and all the warmer for you, Madam," addressing Mrs.
Dolben, "but it looks all the more like the tester,
if you can but think yourself in bed." So saying, she
heaped together a quantity of the rushes with which
the church was strewed, and having stripped off her
cloak, spread it over them, and thus made a soft and
easy resting place for the mother and her children.
Nor was this the full extent of Mary Gretton's
kindness, or the only proof of her affectionate solici-
tude : for when she had taken leave of Mrs. Dolben,
and closed the church doors as well as she was able,
instead of returning home, she continued to peram-
bulate the churchyard for the remainder of the night,
ready to give alarm on the approach of an intruder.
There is no kindness like the kindness of the
poor ; nothing so affecting as their devotion to those
to whom they really feel themselves indebted ; no-
thing so refined, so delicate, so thoughtful as their
attentions where they choose to bestow them. Those
only who do not know them can speak harshly of
THE PUBITANS. 93
them. Some of course there must be who are false,
or mercenary, or ungrateful ; but speaking of them
generally, the more they are known the more will
their merits be appreciated ; their patience, their
self-denial, their kindliness one towards another;
and no one can have much intercourse with them,
without realizing in his own feelings those touching
lines of Wordsworth :
" I've heard of hearts unkind, kind deeds
With coldness still returning ;
Alas ! the gratitude of men
Hath oftener left me mourning." *
While Mary Gretton was thus keeping watch
and ward without the Church, the Rector's family
were settling themselves for the night in Mr. Blote's
pew; and so soon as they were alone, Mrs. Dolben
knelt down with her children, and offered up her
thanksgivings for the mercy which had carried them
safe through the perils of the past day ; and then,
when in addition to their usual prayers for protection
through the night, she had besought God to pardon
their enemies, persecutors, and slanderers, and to
turn their hearts, the whole family laid themselves
* Works. Vol. 3, p. 225.
94 MILFOBD MALVOI8IN.
down to rest. The children, weary and exhausted,
were scarcely in a recumbent posture before they
were in a deep sleep ; for a time their mother was
too anxious to be able to share their slumbers, she
started at every gust of wind, and the rustling of the
ivy on the old walls seemed to her fevered imagina-
tion like the approach of the spoilers. But in a
while she reflected that it was her duty for her chil-
dren's sake to get all the rest she could, and so after
comforting herself by repeating such Psalms as the
91st., and 121st., and by remembering in Whose
House she was, and to Whose protection she had
committed herself, she laid her head on her rushy
pillow, and slept as calmly and undisturbedly as the
infant at her breast.
Perhaps the reader will wonder at the minuteness
of these details, but as its affording shelter to the
Dolben family in their distress was the only good
thing which can be predicated of the Blote Pew,
during the two hundred years which it existed,
a sense of justice compels us not to withhold the
praise, that on a very pressing emergency, it was
not a very bad bed.
THE PURITANS. 95
Of the fortunes of those who witnessed the erec-
tion of the edifice in question, it is not our purpose
to say much. The day after their ejection from Mil-
ford Rectory the family of the persecuted Rector left
the parish, and escaping further perils, contrived in
obscurity to gain a precarious livelihood.
Meanwhile, the Puritans had it all their own way
at Milford Malvoisin. Mahalaleel Mumgrizzle was
appointed Minister, took possession of the vacant
Rectory, and Mr. Blote occupied his new pew, and
occasionally, it is believed, slumbered throughout the
greater part of his chaplain's long-winded discourses.
The church was well filled at first, for many people
were curious to see how the late vendor of cow-heels
would acquit himself; but when they found that his
performances were just such as might have been ex-
pected, and nothing more, the congregation dropped
off one by one, and at the end of a couple of years,
Mr. Blote and his immediate dependents were the
only attendants on the intruder's ministrations.
Nothing went well: a sort of blight seemed to
have fallen on Milford Malvoisin and all its belong-
ings. The people grew vicious and discontented ;
96 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
profligacy of every kind abounded more and more, and
that which was once a well ordered parish, became
proverbial for the bad character of its inhabitants.
They had cast off their allegiance to the Church, and
the crime failed not, even in this world, to bring its
own punishment with it. As for the Squire, himself,
he found to his cost, ere a long while had elapsed,
what manner of spirit he had introduced among his
neighbours. He soon discovered that the viper he
had warmed and cherished for the destruction of
others, could turn upon himself ; he learned, by bit-
ter experience, that the flood once admitted, was
indiscriminate in its violence, and that he had no
security of not being swept away by the torrent.
Heretofore he had been unpopular through his grasp-
ing, greedy disposition, and over-bearing temper,
but nobody shewed their dislike by overt acts : now
he saw himself detested, and nobody attempted to
conceal it : the artificial barriers of rank and station
once broken through, he had no other claim on the
respect of his neighbours, and he was treated accord-
ingly.
Nor was this all : his estate become involved, and
THE PURITANS. 97
misfortune after misfortune came crowding upon him.
Like the wicked Uncle in the ballad of the Babes in
the Wood,
" His barns were fir'd, his goods consum'd,
His lands were barren made ;
His cattle died within the field,
And nothing with him stayed."
As years passed on he became so fractious and ill-
tempered, that it was with difficulty any person
could be prevailed upon to continue in his service ;
and when a stroke of paralysis had distorted his fea-
tures, and impeded his utterance, he became such a
miserable object that it began to be whispered abroad
that his misfortunes were not like those of other men,
and that he was certainly possessed, or bewitched ;
and this opinion grew so strong that Mr. Mumgrizzle
at length resolved, according to the received fashion
among the Puritans, to convene an assembly of min-
isters, who should, by their prayers and exorcisms,
deliver his patron from the power of the Evil One.
What might have been the result of such a plan it is
hard to say, probably Mr. Blote would have kicked
his visitors down stairs if he had been strong enough
to do so, but Mr. Mumgrizzle's benevolent in-
98 M1LFORD MALVOISIN.
tentions were frustrated by a circumstance which
had never entered into his calculations ; his patron,
in the course of the year 1659, was seized with a fit,
while in church, which carried him off instantane-
ously.
It happened upon the occasion in question, that
Mr. Mumgrizzle had heen rather annoyed by the loud-
ness of the Squire's snoring at the commencement
of the sermon. The sound, indeed, was anything
but an unusual one, but still as the Preacher was
dwelling with peculiar unction on what was with him
a very favourite subject, the impossibility that a
Church-of-England-man could be saved, he was
unwilling that the congregation should lose any por-
tion of the arguments by which he supported so
charitable and comfortable a doctrine, and he was
proportionably vexed at the snortings and stertorous
breathings which proceeded from Mr. Blote's pew.
However, the noise waxed gradually fainter, and by
the time that Mumgrizzle (warming with the sub-
ject) had turned the hour-glass beside him, and was
preparing to enter on his thirteenth sub-division,
the Squire was as quiet as a lamb. And no won-
THE PTJKITANS. 99
der, the apoplexy had done its work ; and as he was
ensconced in his inclosed seat, nobody could see that
there was anything amiss. Had he not been so boxed
up in his own pew as to be out of sight, the seizure
would have been known, and help might possibly
have been rendered, while help could have availed
him. As it was, however, when the serving-man
opened the pew-door, he beheld his master sitting
bolt-up in the corner of the pew, with his jaw drop-
ped, his eyes glazed, and his once empurpled coun-
tenance changed to a dingy yellow; in a word,
stone dead.
A pleasant consideration this, for nervous people
who are fond of having their pews all to themselves !
Such an event was a heavy blow to the Puritans
of Milford Malvoisin, and Mr. Mumgrizzle preached
for seven Sundays consecutively, on the virtues of
the deceased Squire, the wickedness of witches, and
the troubles that were come upon the Faithful. Be-
fore another year, however, was over, Mr. Mum-
grizzle found himself beset by far heavier troubles,
the restoration of the lawful King, the downfall of
9
100 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
Puritan mis-rule, and the extreme probability of his
own speedy ejection from the office into which he
had so unworthily intruded himself. But Mahala-
leel was not the only man who found himself simi-
larly circumstanced ; many, indeed, who had left
their shop-boards for the pulpit, now quietly return-
ed to their former professions, and ceased to advo-
cate the cause of Puritanism, or in other words, that
of tyranny, rebellion, and spiritual pride. But Mas-
ter Mumgrizzle had lived too long and too comfort-
ably in the parsonage of Milford Malvoisin to be
able to make up his mind to revert to his ancient
trade as a seller of tripe and cow-heels. Accord-
ingly, having turned all his property into ready
money, pocketed a considerable amount of the
parochial charities, and sold all the timber on the
glebe, this worthy joined his friend Thunderplump,
and in company with many others who felt that
Britain was no longer the place for their mischievous
principles and dark intrigues, embarked for New
England, where he set up the trade of a witch-finder,
and endeavoured, (though for the credit of human
nature we are happy to add that his diabolical scheme
THE PURITANS. 101
failed,) to revive the horrible persecution which
twenty years before the Puritans had raised against
the weak and friendless of their own countrymen
whom they chose to denounce as leagued with
Satan.*
A few months saw Mr. Dolben re-instated in his
parsonage and restored to his parishioners ; who
profiting by their dear-bought experience, welcomed
his return among them with sincere and heartfelt
joy. He had escaped from the custody of his gaolers,
and thus avoided being sold as a slave to the Turks,
but his life for many years had been one of extreme
privation and danger, and it was more than eight
years after his ejection from Milford before he was
re-united to his wife and children, whom he found
living in obscurity in the north of England.
His first object in returning to the home of his
youth was to restore to its ancient decency and
honour the church which, through a long course of
Under this monstrous delusion (if indeed it was a delusion,
and not a mere cloke for yet deeper wickedness) the Puritans racked
and murdered not men and women only, but infants and dogs. See
Mather's Magnalia, Book vi. ch. 82 ; and Walter Scott's Letters on
Dem ono logy and Witchcraft, p. 874 282.
102 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
years, had been left to desolation and decay. At
this pious task he laboured early and late ; to it he
devoted nearly the whole of his professional income,
and, together with his family, submitted to all man.
ner of privation and self-denial in order to gain the
blessed privilege of repairing the breaches in the
House of God. Nor did he want active coadjutors ;
his own return to Milford was speedily followed by
that of Obadiah Degge, who was but too glad to cast
aside his buff coat and sword belt, and enter once
more upon his old duties, which, to say truth, were
more congenial to his taste (albeit in his latter days
he was wont to tell mercilessly long tales about him-
self and Prince Rupert) than the wandering life and
daily perils of the stout-hearted Cavaliers. He,
therefore, was among the most energetic labourers
in the work of restoration, and great, as may be
supposed, was his joy and pride when he discovered
the Communion plate safe and sound in the place
where he had buried it the night before Mr. Blote's
sacrilegious visitation : the only thing wanted to
complete the old man's triumph was to have it
shared by his favourite nephew Eli Higgle, and even
THE PURITANS. 103
this sweet drop was mingled with his cup, for he
lived to see the saucy, mischief-loving boy, who had
so effectually aided him in his designs upon the
Squire and his myrmidons, return to Milford Malvoi-
sin a monied man, with a competency honourably
gained, and that without any sacrifice of loyalty to
Church or King.
Still, although it was thus permitted the chief actors
in the scenes we have described, to meet once more
under happier auspices, they were all altered men.
Chance and change, care and trouble, losses and be-
reavements, had done their desolating work, and the
tone and temper of their minds had suffered from the
unsettled character of the times. Mr. Dolben felt
this, and he felt, moreover, that much of his future
usefulness depended upon the discretion which he
should display in soothing and allaying the angry
feelings which the long period of civil strife had en-
gendered among his flock. And to this may be
attributed an incident which otherwise would have
seemed to betray a very culpable indifference to-
wards the orderly arrangement of his church.
" To be sure," said he one day to Obadiah Degge,
104 MILFOKD MALVOI8IN.
" the church is sadly defaced with those half dozen
pews that have been erected in our absence !"
" Ah ! you may well say that, Sir," was Obadiah's
reply ; " in my poor judgment, the place looks now
for all the world as if a giant had thrown down at
random a handfull of packing boxes on the church
floor : I suppose, Sir, you will have them all taken
away ?"
" I will try and induce the occupiers to remove
them."
" But suppose they won't agree ?"
"Why then, Obadiah, we must e'en let them
stand. Circumstanced as the Church now is, we
must take great care that those who have once actu-
ally cast off their allegiance to her, and trampled her
in the dust, should not have any fresh excuse for
seceding from her; we must make allowances, and
try to win them to a better spirit by degrees. Pews
are unsightly things, which never could have been
formed except where Christian humility was absent ;
still it seems better to bear with them in this season of
distress. Nay, even yonder structure" continued
the Eector, pointing to Mr. Blote's pew, "even
THE PURITANS. 105
yonder structure, made as it was by unholy men of
fragments of what had been sacrilegiously destroyed,
may well be tolerated for a while, if it serve in its very
deformity to remind us and our children, that of all
the sins into which men can fall, spiritual pride is
the most dangerous, and the most inevitably destruc-
tive."
Thus it fell out that Mr. Blote set the fashion of
Pews in the Church of Milford Malvoisin ; and tJte
fashion mas worthy of its Patron, and the princi-
ciples of his Party.
IS HE,
"An I have not forgotten what the
inside of a Church is made of, I am a
peppercorn, a "brewer's horse."
SHAKSPEAR.
CHAPTEK V.
She strove the neighbourhood to please,
With manners wondrous winning ;
And never followed wicked ways,
Unless when she was sinning.
At church, in silks and satins new,
And hoop of monstrous size ;
She never slumbered in her pew,
But when she shut her eyes.
Goldsmith.
WE are disposed to think that if we were to give
with any great minuteness the entire history of our
wooden hero, the Pern, we should produce a very un-
readable, and (which would be infinitely distressing
to our own proper selves) unsaleable book, and
therefore, after the example of Shakspear and a
110 MILFOBD MALVOISIN.
vast body of authors who have found themselves in
a like predicament, we shall
-turn the glass ; and give our scene such growing
As you had slept between :" .
and
" Take upon us in the name of time
To shift our wings."
In a word, we shall pass over the events, or rather
the uneventful period of two hundred years, and with
only a very brief notice,
leave the growth untried
Of that wide gap."
Upon the decease of Mr. Blote his estate was
sold, and another family took possession of Milford
Grange. But the new Squire was a courtier, and shar-
ing in the profligacy of the time, passed his days in the
dissipations of the metropolis, and only visited Mil-
ford Malvoisin for the purpose of collecting his rents;
so the great pew continued empty for many a year,
till the Squire died, and his maiden sister succeeded
to the estate : then once more the pew found an occu-
pant, and a little cross-looking old woman appeared
Winters Tale. Time's Prologue to Act IV.
THE CHURCHMEN. Ill
Sunday after Sunday, seated in solitary dignity in
one corner of its ample inclosure.
It happened, however, that upon some unlucky
occasion, two or three strangers paid a visit to the
church, who seeing no vacant places elsewhere, very
naturally concluded that there would be no great
harm in entering a pew twenty feet long, by six wide,
which was wholly unoccupied. They had hardly
taken up their position, however, when Miss Wrinkle-
trap made her appearance ; and after gazing at them
with the same sort of expression which we may ima-
gine Macbeth exhibited when he discovered his seat
already filled by the ghost of Banquo, she actually
turned on her heel, and left the church. But by
the following Sunday a strong lock had been affixed
to the pew door, and for twenty years afterwards Miss
Wrinkletrap carried the key in her pocket to church,
and having admitted herself, locked the door on the
inside, till service was over.
Meanwhile, the taste for pews was on the increase;
nobody could pray unless they had a box to pray in :
the gentry had set the fashion, and the farmers must
imitate the gentry, and the small tradesmen must
112 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
imitate the farmers ; and so it came to pass that the
poor were forced into the coldest, darkest, and most
distant corners of the church, till, by degrees, so few
sittings were left for them, that those who came late
had to stand about in the aisles, or to rest themselves
on the steps of the chancel. Thus the pews of the
rich, drove the poor to the meeting-house ; and the
pride of the upper classes produced in great measure
the schisms we now deplore. Like the hypocrites of
old, they would not enter the way of Life themselves,
and those that were entering in they hindered.
From the aera of the Revolution may be traced the
rapid downfall of Church principles ; a low standard
of faith and duty was introduced among the Clergy ;
politics rather than piety were made the test of merit ;
coldness and latitudinarianism abounded ; the ordi-
nances of the Church were neglected, her frequent
services abandoned, and her influence grew weaker
and weaker, while the apathy and carelessness of her
children proportionably increased.
Of course Milford Malvoisin did not escape the
infection ; its inhabitants received the impress of the
time, and in the Church, as elsewhere, the religion of
THE CHURCHMEN. 113
the day held its place. One Squire succeeded to
another ; one came to church, one did not ; one
loved fox-hunting, and the ale-cask ; one loved his
claret and deep play ; but each new occupant of the
Grange growled more than his predecessor at a
church-rate, and grumbled more at the payment of
tithes : each treated the Clergyman more and more
as an inferior, and, perhaps, alas ! each Rector failed
more and more to maintain his proper position, and
assert his rights spiritual and temporal.
Under such circumstances the pew-system con-
tinued to nourish : and Divine service being looked
upon by many as little more than a mere form, it
became rather an advantage than otherwise that
each family should be hidden from its neighbour,
and neither should be aware of the indecencies which
the other was committing in the House of God. For
instance, under the " boundless contiguity of shade"
produced by Mr. Blotc's canopy over the Grange-pew,
the little boys of the family could crack nuts, make
faces at each other, cut their names on the pannels,
and draw caricatures in the fly -leaves of their Prayer-
books without any risk of their being seen, and
i
114 MILFORD MALVOI8IN.
their bad example followed by farmer Bull's hopeful
progeny, who were content with spinning cock-cha-
fers at the proper season, and sucking liquorice, and
lolly-pops during the remainder of the year. So, in
the obscurity of the same pew, the young Squire
and his pretty cousin having sat opposite to each
other for many Sundays, and grown weary of count-
ing the bosses on the roof, began to study the expres-
sion of each others eyes, and arriving at the conclu-
sion that it would not be disagreeable to either if they
knelt side by side, contrived during successive litanies,
to carry on their courtship so prudently, that not a
soul suspected it, till after their clandestine marri-
age ; which, of course, prevented many premature
reports, and at the same time hindered the infection
of flirtation from spreading among the plough-boys
and maid servants. So, likewise, under the same
convenient veil of privacy did the old Squire com-
pose himself to slumber as soon as the sermon com-
menced, without any risk of its being positively
ascertained that certain guttural sounds did not, as
was charitably supposed, emanate wholly and solely
from his lady's lapdog. In short, the great pew had
THE CHUECHMEN. 115
its advantages as well as its dignity, and as by the
commencement of the nineteenth century it had be-
gun to look very venerable in comparison with the
deal boxes which filled all the rest of the church,
there is no knowing how much longer it might not
have been preserved in statu quo.
It unfortunately happened, however, for those
who admired the structure in question, that the parish
clerk having sent down his two boys to clean the
church, according to annual custom, on Christmas
eve, the lads took it into their heads that a game at
ball would lighten the labours of the broom. At ball,
therefore, they played, till, in an unlucky moment, the
ball lodged on the top of the canopy which overhung
the pew. Of course it was fine fun to swarm up the
spiral pillars that supported it, and had they been
content with reaching the lost ball no great mischief
would have been done, but when, having mounted
the canopy, they proceeded to dance on it, the
natural result followed ; that which from below
appeared sound enough, was in fact worm-eaten
through and through, and so completely decayed,
that it gave way bodily in the midst of the boys'
i2
116 M1LFORD MALVOISIN.
antics, and came down with a tremendous crash just
as the clerk entered the church, and thereby gave
him in the shape of a doctor's bill a fruitful warning
of the inexpediency of doing his work by deputy.*
At the time when this circumstance occurred, that
is to say, some six or eight years ago, Sir Peter Pin-
fold had recently completed the purchase of the Mil-
ford estate, and with his Lady had come down to
take possession.
Sir Peter was just one of those good sort of peo-
ple whom it is very difficult to describe, but who are
The profaneness and irreverence exercised by the servants of
the Church, vergers, clerks, sextons, pew-openers, &c., are so grievous
that these persons ought to be constantly and narrowly watched by
those in authority over them. It happened to the writer no great while
since to visit a cathedial during the time of its annual cleaning. All
the men employed were wearing their hats, and one of them was busy
folding up a mat, which he laid upon a Bishop's tomb, and then whis-
tled to his great bull-terrier to come and take possession of the
bed he had spread for him. Still more recently visiting a church
(famous for its painted windows) and which is now undergoing exten-
sive repairs, he found the workmen singing at the full pitch of their
lungs, which, however, was the less to be wondered at as they had
two large jugs of ale brought into the church, during the short time the
writer was inspecting it. The font had just been filled with cow's hair
for the benefit of the plasterers. In another church, the ringers were in
the habit of using the passage round the bell-chamber for the filthiest
purposes imaginable. It is very painful to speak of such things, but
no good can be obtained by passing them over in silence.
THE CHUECHMEN. 117
probably not a very rare class among our country
gentlemen. He was respectable in morals, respect-
able in abilities, respectable in his family connexions,
respectable in his worldly circumstances: a good,
dull, ordinary man ; plethoric, prosy, positive, and
passionate, as Squires often become who have not
much to do, have no dislike to flattery, are not ex-
posed to much contradiction, consider poaching a
worse crime than murder, and are usually called to the
chair at turnpike-meetings. Moreover, he was some
what obstinate and wrong-headed, and had a great
abhorrence of improvements in general, and of rail-
roads and political economy, in particular. He read
little, and ate much, and as a talker, greatly preferred
the subject of short-horns and shear-hogs to any other
topic of conversation. But always bating his sudden
gusts of passion, and an extreme sensitiveness with
respect to his rights, Sir Peter had many amiable
points, was an excellent landlord, a kind master,
and an indulgent father and husband.
Being, however, so jealous with respect to any
infringement of his property, the catastrophe which
had befallen the top of his pew, was just the thing to
118 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
throw him into a towering rage, and when the terri-
fied clerk had made his confession, the Baronet
broke forth into such a fury that he burst both the
strings of his waistcoat, and nearly twisted his wig
the wrong side before ; then threatening the unlucky
culprits with all the vengeance of the law, he wrote
a note to the Curate (for there was no resident Rec-
tor) begging his immediate attendance.
Now it so happened that the Reverend Fashie
Macfuss was even a later arrival at Milford Malvoisin
than Sir Peter himself (having only been ordained
Deacon two or three Sundays before) ; and therefore
knowing nothing of the Baronet's peculiarities, he
naturally took it for granted that something very
important had occurred, and as he was exceedingly
anxious to gain a high character for zeal, and to im-
press the Squire with a strong sense of his many
excellencies, he put on his hat at once, and ran the
greatest part of the way from his own house to Mil-
ford Grange.
There certainly is something very arduous and
anxious in the mere act of undertaking the duties ol
THE CHURCHMEN. 119
a parish. We are not now speaking of the awful
responsibilities of the pastoral care, of the diligence,
the faithfulness, the humility, the caution, the sin-
gle-heartedness, and the thousand other qualities
required for the office of the Priesthood, the thought
of which must needs be overwhelmning to every
conscientious clergyman : we are simply alluding to
the minor difficulties to which a young, shy, and
inexperienced person is exposed, who finds himself
transplanted into a crowd of strangers, whose eyes
are all upon him, and who continually refer to him
for advice and help which he as yet hardly trusts
himself to offer. It would be an inestimable advan-
tage to our clergy themselves if all were compelled
to pass their Diaconate under some experienced eye,
and thus serve an apprenticeship, as it were, before
they were admitted to the sole charge of a parish.
And how great the advantage to the Church would
be if some such regulation were enforced, let the
incumbents of our large towns declare, who are now
compelled, as it were, " to serve tables," and are
overburdened with a multitude of almost secular
occupations, and other matters which would be more
120 MILFOED MALVOI8IN.
efficiently performed by a body of Deacons. The
period of a young man's first appearance in his
curacy is, as we have said, an anxious time, but it is
lamentable to observe how many difficulties our
youthful Ministers create for themselves, when in-
stead of entering on their appointed charge, in an
humble, diffident, subdued tone of mind, they come
burning with a zeal which seems to pre-suppose that
nobody but themselves ever felt sufficient care for
the spiritual welfare of their parishioners. Self-love
is at the bottom of all this ; and until that be eradi-
cated, and the vanity that accompanies it, no man
can with any sincerity say, " We preach not our-
selves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your
servants for Jesus' sake." And this very mischiev-
ous temper is confined to no party in the church.
On the one hand it is easy to find persons of (so
called) Evangelical principles, hindering instead of
promoting the "free course" of that Gospel, of
which they claim to be the exclusive advocates ; and
this, not from any lack of sincerity, but from vanity
which offends, injudiciousness which disgusts, and
sometimes, it is to be feared, from ignorance which
THE CHURCHMEN. 121
is painfully distressing to many of their parishion-
ers.
On the other hand, we are continually hearing of
all sorts of ill-judged outbreaks of zeal among young
advocates of High Church principles. One man will
go to a neglected parish, and revive daily service,
before his flock have learned to be thankful that
the church is opened twice instead of once on a
Sunday : a second, on arriving at a place full of
Dissenters, will, in his love of antiquity (or noto-
riety), attempt the restoration of some usage long
laid aside, or for which there is no very direct autho-
rity in our formularies, and thus lay himself open to
the charges of Popery, and so forth : a third, with
right feelings but unsound judgment, will do some
act (right in itself, but injudicious from the cir-
cumstances or period of its adoption,) which will
make his parishioners suspicious of his piinciples,
though, if he would only have been content to wait
a little until he was known, it might have been done
with great advantage. And indiscretions of this sort
are far more inexcusable in High Churchmen than
in others, insomuch as they profess to allow them-
122 MILFOKD MALVOI8IN.
selves less license of judgment, and more ready
and complete obedience to their ecclesiastical su-
periors than others do : and, moreover, if they really
love the principles which they advocate, and feel
that on their being steadily maintained the welfare
of the Church depends, they will act upon the con-
viction that it is quite impossible to be too cautious
in all they do or say ; and though they will never
yield an essential point through the mere dread of
clamour, they will take care to determine accurately
what is essential and what is not, and they will be
more anxious to avail themselves of seasonable, than
unseasonable opportunities.* After all, nearly the
The only safe rule for a clergyman to follow, is to make no
changes without license from his Bishop. This sort of deference
to episcopal authority is the very foundation of Church principles. It
is far better to suffer loss through the refusal of a Bishop to allow the
restoration of a neglected practice, however valuable, than for an
individual to take upon himself to make changes in the existing order
of things without the sanction of his Diocesan. If young clergymen,
(and it is to these only we presume to address ourselves) would give
due weight to this reflection, we should hear no more of those indis-
creet, not to say silly, proceedings, which have given such dire offence
to the Low-Church party, which are viewed with so much alarm by
multitudes of persons who dread what they consider as innovations,
and which never fail to increase the difficulties (already so great)
of those who endeavour to keep and advocate the true Catholic
mean between Popery and Ultra-protestantism.
THE CHTTBCHMEN. 123
whole secret of a young man's clerical usefulness,
will be found in his adherence to a pithy piece of
advice which we once heard a very eminent person
give to one with whom he was discussing the mean-
ing of the Apostolic injunction, " Let not your good
be evil spoken of;" "Ah, my good friend," said he,
" remember my words, and when you come to have
a parish of your own, don't turn that parish upside
dov/n,just because you think yourself an angel"
Now this was exactly the rock upon which Mr.
Macfuss split : he " thought himself an angel." We
do not mean that he ever said to himself in so many
words that he was better adapted for the office of
parish priest than any body of his acquaintance, but
he had a comfortable sort of assurance that he was
just the person for the task, and he was full of visions
of what wonderful reforms he was destined to accom-
plish, and what astonishing improvements it would
be his fortune to introduce into the parochial sys-
tem. He looked upon his reverend brethren gene-
rally, as dowdy both in body and mind, hedged about
with prejudices as rusty as their coats ; amiable, in-
deed, but indolent ; learned, perhaps, in old-world
124 MILFOED MALVOIS1N.
studies, but in everything else behind the rest of
mankind : well-intentioned according to their views,
but not fit to be compared for a moment with the
rising race of clergy, and himself in particular.
Not that Mr. Macfuss exactly said all this to him-
self; he rather dwelt, as it were on the premises,
than expressed any conclusion : that was a whispered
secret between himself and his self-love.
The fact is that Mr. Macfuss had lived too long
with his grandmother to be fit to live with anybody
else. Being possessed of fair natural talents, a por-
tion of Scotch shrewdness, and having plenty to say
for himself, the good lady firmly believed that Fashie
was destined to become a sort of second edition of
the admirable Crichton ; and of this she persuaded
her grandson so thoroughly, that not all the ridicule
he had met with in school and college could entirely
dispel his opinions of his own consequence : it saved
him, indeed, from becoming pre-eminently absurd,
because he found his level ; but vanity was still his
all-absorbing passion, and he was never happy ex-
cept as the person of first consequence.
Now this love of putting himself forward, and of
THE CHURCHMEN. 125
being " a Triton among the minnows," kept him in
a continual state of excitement : there was no repose
in his character ; he never could be quiet ; he was
always in a fidget to be doing something, or saying
something to attract notice. When, therefore, Mr.
Macfuss found himself let loose upon a parish with
nobody to control him, it may readily be imagined
that his activity became quite appalling.
We should do him great injustice if we withheld
from him the praise of a sincere desire to do right,
to further the welfare of his flock by all the means
hi his power, and a hearty anxiety to win the affec-
tions of his people. But then it was for his own
sake, rather than for the Church's, that he wished to
be accounted zealous and indefatigable ; and so the
consequence was, that while trying to please every-
body he succeeded in pleasing nobody. For instance,
having observed elsewhere the unpopularity which a
strong assertion of opinions on the part of the clergy-
man, had produced among his parishioners of a dif-
ferent way of thinking, Mr. Macfuss on his arrival
at Milford diligently proclaimed that he was of no
party. And herein he would have been quite right
126 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
(had such been the state of the case), for a good
man has not, and never can have, any party but the
Church. But Mr. Macfuss had a party, and that,
not the Church, but himself: and when he said he
had no party, the truth was -he had no principles.
What he preached one Sunday, was inconsistent with
what he preached the next ; his views might be sup-
posed to have arisen from the last book he consulted.
Now he was high-Church, now he was low-Church,
and now he was utterly indefinite and unsatisfactory.
Upon the absurd notion of working out a system of
divinity for himself, and in the self-confidence and
vanity of being able to do so, he had never studied
theology as a science, nor church-doctrines as a sys-
tem forming one beautiful and harmonious whole ;
the result was, that his opinions seemed to come out
by chance and at random, and thus in a short time
he taught his flock to despise him. So, likewise, in
the regulation of his parish the same error was
committed : instead of wisely weighing his measures
beforehand, going calmly and steadily forward, and
never losing ground by attempting changes which he
was not strong enough to carry through, he con-
THE CHURCHMEN. 127
trived to unsettle everything, and to settle nothing.
Schools, clubs, lending-library, all were thrown into
confusion with his improved rules and regulations.
Nothing had been done well before he came into the
parish, and nothing henceforth was to be done but
he must be the doer of it ; and so he fretted, and
fidgetted, and worried his parishioners, till they grew
impatient, and angry, and sick of him, and he had
no more influence over them than if he had been a
child of three years old.
We have dwelt at considerable length on the foi-
bles (to use no stronger word) of Mr. Macfuss's cha-
racter, because we fear that that character is not an
uncommon one, and because there is much in the
spirit of the times to foster it. And it is so desirable
for us all
" To see ourselves as others see us,"
that no great harm will be done if any one of Mr.
Macfuss's youth and inexperience, into whose hands
these pages may fall, should set himself to examine
very seriously how far he is in danger of falling into
like errors.
To return, however, to our tale. By the time that
128 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
the Curate reached Milford Grange the first effer-
vescence of Sir Peter's wrath had subsided, and he
was beginning to suspect that it was not Mr. Mac-
fuss's fault that the clerk's sons had broken his pew.
Of course, therefore, he felt rather foolish, and did
not know quite what to say, when the zealous pastor
with very little breath, and very great agitation,
expressed his hope that "the serious business" to
which Sir Peter had alluded, was not one that would
permanently affect the happiness of himself and Lady
Pinfold.
The only thing the Baronet could do was to fan
up the embers of his anger, and make a heavy com-
plaint against the ill -manners of the Milford school-
children, and state the recent enormity which had
been committed against himself.
Mr. Macfuss was a very indifferent listener, and
Sir Peter was rather verbose, but the Curate con-
trolled himself till he had heard the full amount of
the charge, (which, to say the truth, filled him with
great glee, inasmuch it afforded him the opportunity
of commencing fresh reforms,) and then he burst
forth in a volume of condolence and apology. " But,
THE CHUECHMEN. 129
indeed, Sir," continued he, " it is no more than I
expected. Between ourselves, everything in this
parish has been so sadly mismanaged. My prede-
cessor, worthy, hospitable, kind-hearted man as he
was, was not adapted, by taste or constitution, to
enter into those minute details of a parish, on a care-
ful observance of which (as you and I well know,
Sir Peter) everything depends. I am beyond mea-
sure vexed and annoyed, and will commence to-
morrow morning to put the schools on a different
footing, and introduce the new system."
"Eh?" cried the Baronet, rather puzzled, "I
never heard that there was any fault to be found
with the schools ; Drudgeit is a good man I believe,
and makes the children respectful ; all I complain of
is the mischief the young monkeys do out of school-
hours. I suppose these two lads that have broken
down my pew, have got pretty well bruised ; but
otherwise I should have begged you to have had
them well whipped."
"Whipped, Sir Peter?" ejaculated the Curate
with a groan.
K
130 MILFORD MALVOI8IN.
" Yes, whipped, Mr. Macfuss," replied the Ba-
ronet with a chuckle.
" Oh Sir, we never whip children under the new
system ; reason and moral consequences supply the
place of the rod now-a-days.
" Fiddle fad die ! man !" exclaimed Sir Peter
testily, "don't tell me. Will moral consequences
prevent boys from bird's nesting, or stealing my ap-
ples, or pelting the ducks ?"
" Indeed I hope so," said Mr. Macfuss : " nay,
when once our system comes into fair play, I have
not a doubt of it; you may depend upon it that
whipping is a fundamental error."
Now this was one of Mr. Macfuss's hobbies, so off
he set at full score, overwhelming the Baronet with
a torrent of words, fluttering and spluttering like a
frightened hen, but producing no more effect than if
he had bayed at the moon. A person of common
judgment and taste would have seen in a moment
that it was better to drop the discussion, whether
right or wrong : but not so Mr. Macfuss, he was in
love with the sound of his own voice, and was en-
tirely satisfied that he was eloquent, when he was
only profoundly tiresome.
THE CHUBCHMEN. 131
However, Sir Peter had nothing to complain of,
being fairly caught in his own trap. If he had not
sent for the Curate, he would have been saved an
hour's dissertation upon whipping. As it was, the
Baronet began, at the end of that period, to feel as if
a heavy corporal punishment had been inflicted upon
himself: and, therefore, when Mr. Macfuss was out
of breath, Sir Peter forbore to revive the discussion
about the pew, and the conference was brought to a
close; the Curate returning home with his head
full of visions of scholastic reform, and the Baronet
wending his way to his Lady's boudoir, for the pur-
pose of venting his spleen against our friend Fashie,
whom he described as a man that without the slight-
est difficulty could talk off the hind leg of a horse.
Mr. Macfuss being thus disposed of, Sir Peter
proceeded to consult his Lady's taste with respect
to the Pew, and we are happy to have it in our power
to record, that both husband and wife being satisfied
that their Pew was a very handsome object, and
that it behoved them that it should assimilate with
their comforts at home, they agreed to have it im-
mediately repaired, and lined throughout with crim-
K9
132 MILFOED MALVOISI.V
son cloth, with cushions and hassocks en-suite ; that
the back should be well padded and stuffed ; that it
should be warmed with hot water ; and that a series
of brass rods and curtains should supply the place of
the broken canopy ; that, in short, it should want
nothing which comfort and privacy could add to re-
pose.
There was a question also whether they should
not present the church with a new Altar-cloth, but
that was referred to future consideration.
CHAPTER VI.
Qtf)t EntruBers.
What walls can guard me, or what shades can hide?
They pierce my thickets, through my grot they glide.
By land, by water, they renew the charge,
They stop the chariot, and they board the barge.
No place is sacred, not the Church is free,
Ev'n Sunday shines no Sabbath-day for me.
Pope.
WHEN Sir Peter Pinfold (preparatory to his taking
his ease therein) had repaired and refurbished his
Pew, and thus deprived it " of a very ancient and
fish-like smell," as Trinculo hath it, he proceeded
to adorn his mansion and pleasure-grounds ; thereby
affording a notable contrast to wealthy Squires in
general, whose habit now-a-days is, to proceed in an
inverse order, deferring their ecclesiastical restora-
tions till they have made themselves thoroughly com-
134 M1LFOKD MALVOISIN.
fortable at home, and who rarely present their muni-
ficent bucket of white-wash to the Sacred edifice, till
Blore has converted into "pure Elizabethan" the
pure ugly structure erected by their grandfather, and
till Messrs. Gillow have filled its saloons with a load of
furniture of which the same venerable person would
have been unable to guess the use or application. And
hence, it not rarely happens, that those promised im-
provements at the church, which were reserved to
be a bonne bouche at last, are postponed sine die, in
consequence of the unexpected discovery that the
beautified mansion has become about five times too
big for the estate, and that upholsterers can put
executions into a house as well as furniture.
But Sir Peter was no such unthrifty Squire : his
wishes were far more moderate than his means ; and
though he both planted and builded it was to no
greater extent than the condition of his estate re-
quired. And to say truth, Milford Grange was a
spot worthy of all the care and pains that could be
bestowed upon it. Backed by noble woods, it was
situated in a recess on one side of an extensive
valley, where it lay basking in the southern sun,
THE CHUHCHMEN. 136
with a wide expanse of turf in front of it, gradually
shelving down to the rapid, sparkling river which
wound its way through the valley. It seemed, and
was the very abode of retired seclusion and peace.
But let no man who desires to shut out the hubbub
of mankind, and enjoy the quiet pleasures of a coun-
try life, fix his habitation from henceforth in a val-
ley : in the present state of things he may as well
expect solitude at Charing Cross, or rural scenes in
Cranbourne Alley.
"My dear," said Lady Pinfold to her husband,
as they were standing on the terrace one fine evening
in July watching the herd of deer fording the river,
" My dear, I can't help thinking that Tom Denison
has misunderstood you ; you did not surely intend
to have the plantation brought in a straight line along
the valley ?
" Why not, my love?" replied the Baronet, with-
out taking his eyes off a lame horse which was limp-
ing in another direction.
" Because it will look like a hedge, Sir Peter;
and a straight hedge running parallel with the river,
136 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
and within fifty yards of it, will spoil the whole effect
of all you did so well last year, my love," answered
the lady in a soothing tone.
" Nonsense !" rejoined her husband, still intently
regarding the grey filly; "nonsense, my angel; peo-
ple don't make plantations in July ; if Tom Denison
is staking out anything, it is the drain for the water-
meadow."
" I didn't know that drains were cut at this season,
and I didn't know you were going to turn the Bull-
acre field into a water-meadow."
" No more I am," said Sir Peter.
Well then, if you'll only condescend to look this
way, you'll see that Denison intends to do so."
The Baronet instead of doing as his Lady bade
him, whistled and looked up at the sky. The first
act was intended to shew his contempt of his wife's
judgment, the second was a little gratuitous act of
obstinacy.
" Well, my dear," replied Lady Pinfold with a
meekness and placidity which all good wives assume
when they wish to be more than ordinarily provoking,
" I am quite aware I dont understand these matters ;
THE CHURCHMEN. 137
I wish I did" (more meekly still); "for I should
know the use of all those red flags."
" Red flags !" cried the Baronet, wheeling round
in double quick time, "what in the world are you
talking about ? Why, bless your blind eyes ! don't
you see that that man is no more Tom Deuison than
he is your grandmother ? What could induce you to
go on chattering about drains and all manner of folly,
when there are a set of people trespassing on my es-
tate ? Stars and garters ! Lady Pinfold, there's mis-
chief brewing there, you may depend upon it !"
And off set Sir Peter down the hill at full speed,
without his hat, plunging into the fern, capering over
the gorse, and more than once all but tumbling over
a cow reposing among the bushes. Now as the
Baronet was somewhat plethoric and short-winded,
and as this rapid exercise took place on a sultry
evening, just after he had finished a hearty dinner,
it can hardly excite surprise when we say that when
he had come sufficiently near the intruders to be
within speaking-distance, and attempted to shout to
them, he was so out of breath that he could not
speak. And herein the enemy had a great advantage,
138 MILFORD MALVOI8IN.
for so soon as they saw him approaching them, they
apparently anticipated his object, and made great
shew of hurrying onward to get their work done
(whatever it might be) before he reached them : still,
a person who had more their wits about them than
poor Sir Peter had, might have seen that the trespas-
sers were, in point of fact, purposely allowing him to
reach them.
This Sir Peter did at length, and after sundry
gaspings, and indistinct ejaculations, he inquired their
names (for there were two of them) and business.
He was thereupon informed, in the civillest manner,
that he stood in the presence of Messrs. Smoke and
Ochre, Deputy Assistant Engineers to the Company
recently formed for the purpose of carrying into effect
the " Grand Inland Railway," between Newton and
Admaston ; that the line would be carried through
the park in the direction staked out; and they coifrte-
ously added that they would endeavour so to arrange
matters, as that it should not be necessary to take
down more than the left wing of his mansion.
Nothing but a constitution of iron, it may be
fairly presumed, prevented the proprietor of Milford
THE CHUBCHMEN. 139
Grange from dropping down in a fit of apoplexy, at
such an announcement. Ill would it become us to
sully our respectable pages by detailing the incoherent
exclamations and imprecations of that angry man.
Rage, fury, and vexation burst forth in an uncontrol-
able torrent of abuse, which was concluded, of course,
by the Baronet warning the intruders off his ground.
" Oh, pray Sir, restrain yourself," exclaimed Mr.
Ochre, an unwholesome-looking young man of bili-
ous temperament, " you can't think how bad it is for
your health to go on in such a way. Nothing so
dangerous as excitement."
"I intreat you, Sir Peter Pinfold," cried Mr.
Smoke, a gentleman with dull grey eyes, and habili-
ments to match, " I intreat you to be patient; we
have all our losses and crosses, and if you only knew
how distressing it is to my feelings to listen to such
language, I am sure you would be mollified. Our
duty is an unpleasant one, and we really have a right
to expect some courtesy from those whose estates we
are going to make fifty per cent better than they
could ever have been otherwise."
"Will you go, you impertinent scoundrels, or
140 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
must I knock you down ?" roared the infuriate Ba-
ron eL
" Oh, Sir, we won't stay a moment ; not a mo-
ment longer than to assure you . . . ."
"Will you go?" cried Sir Peter, assuming the
sort of attitude which a sheep does when it is going
to butt.
" Not a moment longer than . . . ."
" Will you go, or will you not ?" vociferated the
Squire.
"Yes, Sir Peter," answered both the gentlemen
at once ; and Mr. Smoke immediately added, " there
is no reason why we should intrude upon you lon-
ger ; the dew is falling, and perhaps you will take
cold without your hat ; we would not have detained
you so long, but our coadjutors on the hill yonder,
Messrs. Boyle and Bust, had not quite finished their
survey, and it would have been inconvenient for
them to have been interrupted. Good evening, Sir
Peter, good evening. We hope you wo'nt get wet
in your feet; and are infinitely obliged for your
courtesy; good evening, Sir Peter, good evening."
And the two gentlemen set off in double quick
THE CHUBCHMEN. 141
time, to join their (hitherto unobserved) companions;
and as the Baronet returned to the house indignant
and crest-fallen, his ears were saluted with shouts of
laughter from the four worthies, who were rejoicing
over the successful issue of their operations.
The following morning, immediately after Sir
Peter had finished his breakfast, and before the man
of business had arrived, whom he had sent for ex-
press the preceding evening, on his return home, a
hack-chaise drove up to the door, and a card was
sent in, on which appeared the name of Mr. Moloch,
Surveyor General to the Grand Inland Railway.
For a long time Sir Peter protested that no earthly
consideration should induce him to see his visitor ;
but upon Lady Pinfold's urgent entreaty he ulti-
mately consented; and thereupon Mr. Moloch, a
hard-featured, shrewd, disagreeable - looking man
entered, and behind him followed a lawyer, astute
and dirty, with a blue bag and a roll of maps under
his arm.
Sir Peter stood in the middle of the room, with
his mouth very much pursed up, and resolved not to
fly into a passion if he could help it.
142 MILFOKD MALVOI8IN.
"My name is Moloch, Sir," said the visitor,
bowing, " and I am the chief surveyor and engineer
to the railroad which we hope to carry through this
part of the country."
Sir Peter grunted, and took a turn round the
room ; and then fixing his eyes on the lawyer said,
" And pray, Sir, who are you ?''
" I," answered the gentleman with the bag, " am
representative of Messrs. Wiles, Frowze, Luker, and
Swott, Solicitors to the Company."
" Sir," replied Sir Peter, " I can readily believe
it ; you bear it in your face ; I can see the whole
firm in your countenance. And now Messrs. Mo-
loch, Wiles, Frowze, Luker, and Swott, I conclude
your object in coming here is to apologize for the
insufferable insolence of some of your underlings in
presuming to enter my park."
" I am very sorry, Sir, if any of my young men
should have mis-conducted themselves, Sir Peter,"
replied the Engineer, " but our duty to the public
obliges us sometimes to appear indifferent to private
interests ; and I am come here to-day in the hope that
you may be induced to enter into our views, or at
THE CHUKCHMEN. 143
any rate, that some arrangement may be made which
will be mutually satisfactory to both parties."
" But I don't want to have anything to do with
you or your railroad. I don't choose to have you on
my property, and I won't sell you a square inch of
land."
" That, Sir," rejoined Mr. Moloch, " is a ques-
tion which Parliament must settle. If, looking at all
the circumstances of the case, observing the growing
population of the two influential towns which we
wish to connect, and the prodigious demand for their
respective manufactures, (to wit, dolls-eyes and
mouse-traps) if, I say, Parliament, knowing and see-
ing this, is blind to the best interests of the country,
and rejects our bill, of course, Sir Peter, we cannot
interfere with you, but if, as we have every reason
to anticipate, the measure will be carried by an over-
whelming majority, the road will certainly be carried
along the proposed line, and a jury will award a pro-
per compensation to the occupiers."
" But do you really mean to tell me," asked the
alarmed Baronet, " that you will come through my
property whether I will or no, and throw up a hor-
144 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
rible embankment between this house and the river,
and that we are to hear nothing all day long but
your clattering trains, steaming, puffing, and stink-
ing ? Why the place will not be habitable ! Who
could bear to have their family seat so mutilated
and destroyed ? Look out of that window, Sir, and
putting yourself in my position, say what would be
your feeling if you were threatened with such an
infliction ?"
" Sir," answered the man of steam and iron, " I
should be grateful for the offer, and conceive that
the embankment you speak of, would be a pleasing
addition to the prospect."
" What a beast you must be," muttered Sir Peter
between his teeth.
" Perhaps, Sir Peter, you will not object to look-
ing at the plan of the proposed line," said Mr. Wiles
interposing, and proceeding to unroll the lengthy
scroll which he had hitherto kept under his arm.
" This, Sir Peter, is the line which I believe I may
say has been finally decided on ; some little varia-
tions have been suggested by some of the engineers ;
(Mr. Smoke, for instance, recommends that the rails
THB CHUKCHMEN. 145
should be carried through the apartment in which
we are sitting) but I think the line here drawn is ad-
mitted to be the best, and as such will be adopted.
We shall enter your estate at a place which I think
is called Broad-meadows."
"You are very kind/' answered the Baronet
bitterly, " it is the best land in my whole property."
" We then keep very nearly to the course of the
river till we come to your home farm, which I am
afraid must be removed. Here you see, at this
point, ' Rogues-gap,' we shall enter the bottom
of the park, and taking the line marked out by
Messrs. Boyle and Bust (by the way, Sir Peter,
you really must allow me to say that it was very un-
courteous of you to pull up ah 1 their stakes) taking
the line marked in red on the map, we shall pass one
wing of this mansion, but I am disposed to think
without interfering with it, and continuing our course
north by east, shall cross the village, and take off a
portion of the churchyard."
" Well really, gentlemen," said Sir Peter, very
civilly, but looking very white, " this last does seem
an injudicious arrangement for your own sakes ?"
L
146 MILFOBD MALV01SIN.
" Indeed !" replied the lawyer, " why so ?"
" I should have thought that considering the
number of people whom your trains are likely to
kill, per annum, it would he rather expedient to in-
crease than diminish the size of the churchyards
which fall in your line."
" Oh, Sir, you are not aware how extremely
liberal the Company have been in their arrange-
ments, or what great consideration they have shown
the public ; they have devised a system which will
combine the most rapid locomotion, with the ten-
derest regard to the feelings of surviving relations ;
there are to be stretchers and a dead-hcuse pro-
vided at every mile ; a surgeon is to be in constant
attendance at every station ; there is to be a hos-
pital at each terminus, and an arrangement has been
entered into with the directors of the Cemetery-com-
panies at Newton and Admaston, for burying all
accidents at half-price."
Sir Peter clasped his hands, and expressed his
earnest wish that he had been bred an undertaker.
" If you will now be kind enough to look this way,
Sir Peter, you will see that we enter your property
THE CHURCHMEN. 147
again on the other side of the churchyard, and I be-
lieve continue in it till we come to Deadman's Cor-
ner; and there we propose to erect a first class sta-
tion, together with engine houses, and other struc-
tures which will employ many hands, and bring a
great influx of population to Milford Malvoisin. We
shall cut through about three hundred and fifty
acres of your estate, and are quite ready to give
you a just price for the accommodation ; and as we
shall materially benefit your property, we hope you
will append your signature to the list of those very
respectable gentlemen who are favourable to the
measure."
" I will see you hanged first ! yes, hanged gen-
tlemen, and drawn by your own trains, and quar-
tered by your own engines. What ! raze the dairy
farm ! destroy my park ! pull my house about my
ears ! And this in a free country ! But that my
doing so would be a convenience to you, I would
sell the estate to-morrow, and go live in Turkey.
Do you really and seriously intend to commit this
outrage upon me ?"
" No, Sir Peter," answered a voice from behind,
L3
148 MILFOBD MALVOISIN.
t
" they have not the most distant intention of doing
anything of the kind."
" Hey ? my good friend, Thurlow, where did you
spring from?" exclaimed the Baronet with a start of
pleasure, for Mr. Thurlow was the solicitor for whom
he had sent express, "Did you drop from the
clouds ? Or come down the chimney ?"
"Neither, Sir Peter, I came in through that
door which I found open ; I have been here these
five minutes, but you were all so busy that you did
not observe me."
Mr. Moloch looked as if all his steam had
escaped, and Mr. Wiles himself seemed utterly
dumb-founded.
"You have heard then what these gentlemen
propose ?"
" Yes, Sir Peter, and will undertake to say that
they have no notion of coming through your farm,
or your park, or your house. This is not the first
time I have been employed in these sort of matters,
nor the first occasion on which I have met Messrs.
Moloch and Wiles. Gathering from your hasty note
last night, that some such proposal would be made
THE CHURCHMEN. 149
to you, I was on the ground early this morning, and
though I am no engineer, I will undertake to say
that the line just laid before you, is the very last
these gentlemen would be inclined to adopt, for this
simple reason, that it would force them to make a
tunnel through Crushingham Hill. I believe Mr.
Moloch would not risk his well-established reputa-
tion by recommending such an expensive proceed-
ing, when their object would be better gamed by
going through your lands at Pancake Flat."
Mr. Moloch stammered out that certainly other
lines had been contemplated, or suggested ; indeed
some were still under consideration.
" But my friend Mr. Wiles," continued the Soli-
citor, " thought it would be no bad plan to turn his
underlings into the park, and then to come up here
and talk about an imaginary line of railway which
would be the destruction of my client's estate, in the
hope that when he subsequently made his real pro-
position to carry the road at such a distance from us
as Pancake Flat, Sir Peter would snap'at the propo-
sal, and yield the point there, in order to escape an
intolerable evil here. Ah, gentlemen, this is a very
150 MILFORD MALVOI8IN.
sly manoeuvre of your's," continued Mr. Thurlow,
" but you have made it so common that nobody is
taken in by it, except only a few, who, like my friend
Sir Peter, think all the world as honest as them-
selves."
"Keally, Sir," answered Wiles, addressing his
brother lawyer, and looking all the while like a de-
tected pickpocket, " I am quite at a loss what to
make of such language, and doubtful what course I
ought to pursue, but . . . ."
" I tell you what, Sir, if you have any doubts on
that score," said Sir Peter sternly, " I will settle
them at once. The best thing you can do is to leave
my house this moment, Sir ; yes, Sir, this very mo-
ment, or you will be summarily ejected, Sir," con-
tinued the Baronet, walking up to the discomfited
pettifogger, and putting himself into that butting
position which we have already described, and which
had such a powerful effect upon Mr. Wiles, that he
immediately sprang out of a window which chanced
to be open, and which had ^all the appearance from
within, of being on a level with the flower garden,
but which was, in fact, so many feet above it, that
THE CHURCHMEN.
151
the Solicitor to the Grand Inland Kailway might
have been seriously hurt, if he had not lighted on a
thickset bed of double flowering gorse, which while
it broke his fall, gave him nevertheless such a prickly
reception, that for a fortnight after he felt as if he
had been used for a pincushion.
CHAPTER VII.
W)t Bogs in tf>e JRJlanger.
" Let dogs delight to bark and bite,
Let bears and lions growl and fight,
For 'tis their nature too.
But, children, you should never let
Your angry passions rise ;
Your little hands were never made
To tear each other's eyes."
Watti.
IT turned out just as Mr. Thurlow had predicted.
There was blustering and wrangling for the lawyers,
and murmurs and heavy bills for the clients on both
sides; and then some hundreds of navigators (as
they call themselves) were turned loose upon Pan-
cake Flat, to form a line of rail -road at a very com-
fortable distance from Milford Grange, and Sir Peter
had the satisfaction of feeling that he was not likely
to have any more visits from Messrs. Smoke, Ochre,
THE CHURCHMEN. 153
Boyle, or Bust. Fortunately for the inhabitants of
Milford, the country round them was so level that
the engineers had no difficulties to encounter; there
were neither mounds to be raised, nor deep cuttings,
nor tunnels to be excavated, and consequently, their
pretty village was not subjected for any great length
of time to the plunder, and demoralization, which is
the concomitant of such an irruption of vagabonds as
a railroad in progress brings with it. Wherever you
walked, you met huge brawny men, always very
saucy, and generally very drunk, who asked for
everything they wanted, and got whatever they asked
for, because nobody dared refuse them. Sir Peter
had all his game destroyed, and his stews emptied,
but this was only to be expected, and was a matter
of no great consequence, for he could afford the loss.
It was different, however, with those in a class be-
neath him, and it was really grievous to see the Poor
robbed of their poultry, or their potatoes, and afraid
to speak about it, lest worse should befall them. But
in six months the part of the line nearest to Milford
was finished, and so the more crying nuisance was
got rid of.
154 MILFOKD MALVOI6IN.
There was, however, one circumstance which,
had it been properly attended to at the time, and
called forth corresponding exertion on the part of the
parishioners, might perhaps have saved them from a
good deal of the annoyance to which they were ex-
posed. Most of the depredations took place on a
Sunday ; now, had any encouragement been given, or
any accommodation afforded, to such of the railway-
labourers as chose to attend church, much evil might
have been prevented, and much good, probably, might
have been done. If, as was indeed the case, Milford
Church was too small, and too much blocked up
with pews to afford room for any great increase of
the congregation, an additional service might, at any
rate, have been provided, and opportunity, at least,
given to those who felt anxious to attend the ordi-
nances of religion. But the proper moment was not
seized, and afterwards it was too late. For some
Sundays after the bulk of the labourers came into
the neighbourhood, a dozen or two of them dressed
hi their best clothes, their necks adorned with showy
handkerchiefs, and their waistcoats covered with a
profusion of gilt buttons, were to be seen sauntering
THE CHURCHMEN. 155
down the Church-path, as the chimes were ringing,
but when they found that there was no room for
them, and nobody was disposed to make room for
them, their numbers rapidly decreased, and at length
not above one or two continued to attend.
And nobody missed them, because nobody had
thought about them except the poor people into
whose seats they had intruded, and they of course
were glad to get rid of them. But though the con-
gregation at Milford had treated these poor men
according to the fashion of the Nineteenth Century,
leaving them, that is, because they were poor, and
ignorant, and ill-conditioned, to worship God how or
where they could, or not to worship Him at all ; and
instead of endeavouring to keep them within the
pale of the Church, all but thrusting them from it ;
and allowing them to join the ranks of dissent, or
socialism, or infidelity, because forsooth the rich
cannot do without roomy pews ; although these poor
men were so treated, and submitted to the privation
without remonstrance, the parishioners of Milford
were about to receive an addition to their population,
by the arrival of a class of persons who were by no
means disposed to take matters so quietly, and who
156 MILFOED MALVOI8IN.
were destined to elicit some remarkable examples of
the practical working of the Pew-system.
It will be remembered that Mr. Moloch announced
to Sir Peter Pinfold that it was intended to have a
first-class station within the parish of Milford, and
that there was to be a depot for building the carriages
and the preparation of divers other things connected
with railway traffic. In due time all this came to
pass ; the station house was erected, with its smart
stuccoed hotel, and in the rear, long ranges of build-
ings, forges, and furnaces, and I know not what be-
side, were to be seen, betokening the extensive manu-
factory which was about to be carried on. And no
sooner were these completed, than ten or a dozen
staring white houses, "in the villa style," as the
newspapers say, were commenced as residences for
engineers and other officers. So that by the end of
a year a little town had grown up, on a spot where,
in times past, there had been nothing but a turnpike-
gate.
Now, of course, nothing can be clearer, than that
large body of people for its own immediate benefit,
a great public company, which brings together a
should take care to provide for the spiritual wants
THE CHUHCHMEX. 157
of those whom it has collected. It is the very least
that can be expected of those who attract artificers
and mechanics to any given spot, that they erect
churches and schools for the accommodation of
such persons and their families. But the directors of
our railway had no such feelings with respect to their
Christian responsibilities ; their object was to get ten
per cent on the capital they had expended, and so as
they obtained that, it was matter of utter indifference
to them whether their servants were Christians or
heathens.
Meanwhile, if about half of the area of Milford
church had not been rendered useless by the great
square Pews which covered it, the increase of popu-
lation created by the railroad might have been tem-
porarily accommodated with seats, without any great
inconvenience, and no time should have been lost in
erecting a north aisle, to correspond with one already
existing on the south side. This would have given
the needful space, and, at the same time, rather im-
proved than injured the general appearance of the
building. But neither Mr. Macfuss nor his parish-
ioners were prepared to act as the emergencies of
158 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
the case required. The former talked and fretted
about the impossibility of finding sittings for the
strangers, and set up two additional benches in the
nave ; and (Sir Peter Pinfold and his family being
now absent for the London season) desired the clerk
to shew the new members of the congregation into
some of the numerous seats allotted to the servants
at Milford Grange. The latter did not feel them-
selves called upon to make the leaet exertions in be-
half of their neighbours at the station : they had
their own pews, and that was enough for them.
By and by, however, Sir Peter and his family
returned home, and then his domestics resumed their
usual position. What was to be done ? Mr. Mac-
fuss went from pew-holder to pew-holder, to beg
permission to introduce, one or more of the unlucky
strangers (according as there happened to be room)
into their several pews. He might as well have
asked them to give him a thousand pounds. By
some he was answered with civility, by some with
rudeness ; some were sorry that they could not un-
der existing circumstances meet his wishes, others
really wondered how he could bring himself to ask
THE CHURCHMEN. 159
such a thing; but in every case the refusal was
prompt and peremptory : argument and entreaty
were in vain, and while a few declined for the plea-
sure it afforded them to say "no" to a personal
request from the Clergyman, the majority seemed to
make it a matter of principle, and stood upon the
danger of the precedent, and their unalterable con-
viction that as every man's house is his castle, so is
his Pew the strong box of his religion, and to be
guarded accordingly.
Mr. Macfuss returned home weary and disconso-
late, and utterly at a loss what step to take next : in
fact, there seemed nothing for him to do but to inti-
mate to the new comers that there was no longer
any room for them in Milford Church. This he
did, and accordingly some of the parties addressed
found their way to other churches in the neighbour-
hood on the following Sunday ; but the remainder,
(probably supposing that the members of a Chris-
tian congregation would not so far forget the princi-
ples of Christian fellowship, as absolutely to exclude
them from the vacant places in their pews) ventured
upon the dangerous experiment of attending Divine
160 MILFOBD MALVOISIN.
service at Milford Malvoisin. The consequence was
just what might have been anticipated ; when Mr.
Macfuss entered the reading-desk, there stood a
crowd of respectably dressed people at the bottom
of the aisle, looking foolishly at one another, and
wistfully at the pews, for the benches were already
full. Now and then some male friend of the ladies
who were seeking seats, approached one of the half
empty boxes, with the purpose of humbly requesting
admission, upon which the occupants immediately
spread themselves out so ingeniously, that it became
difficult to assert that there was any spare room, or
else they were one and all seized with such a fit of
attention, and buried their noses so deeply in their
Prayer-books that nothing could tempt them to look
up: and this was done so demurely and inoffen-
sively, that nobody would have suspected a precon-
certed plot on the part of the pew-holders, if Miss
Perky, a young lady, who, with her brother, were the
sole occupants of a pew which would have held half-
a-dozen more persons, had not on the approach of
some strangers, called out in a voice which was
heard all over the church, while every feature in her
THE CHUBCHMEN. 161
little, white, spiteful face was quivering with agita-
tion, " Oh, 'Arry, 'Arry, 'old the 'andle," thus in-
timating that she had cast off her humanity as well
as her aspirates, and that those who sought admis-
sion to farmer Perky's pew were to be kept out hy
main force.
Fortunately, however, as it turned out, the
young lady's exclamation was heard further than she
intended, and caused Sir Peter Pinfold to look up.
The worthy Baronet was, of course, quite unconsci-
ous of the real state of things, but so soon as he
perceived a body of strangers unaccommodated with
seats of any kind, he immediately opened his pew
door, and beckoned them in. At the same time,
Mr. Macfuss observing a pew near the reading-desk
empty, and knowing that it was hardly ever other-
wise, desired the clerk to shew the remainder of
those who were standing about the aisles into it, and
so the difficulty was got over for that occasion.
Great, however, was the indignation expressed,
so soon as Church was over, at the Curate's unwar-
rantable presumption; dire his offence in the eyes
of the pew-holders, and deep their sympathy with
162 MILFORD MALVOIS1N.
Mrs. Tuff, to whose farm the pew in question was
appropriated : and more than one of the congrega-
tion instead of attending evening service walked up
to the Vinegar Hill farm, just to condole with the
widow, abuse Mr. Macfuss, eat a piece of sweet-
cake, drink a glass of currant wine, and stir her up,
(who, sooth to say, needed little stirring) to a man-
ful maintenance of her rights : " the pew was her's,"
they reminded her, " had been her father's before
her ; and so long as she paid her rates, whose busi-
ness was it but her own, whether she made use of
the pew or not ? they had no notion of such imper-
tinent intrusions : if the railroad people wanted pews
they had better build them, or get seats in other
churches, and not come and incommode the inhabi-
tants of Milford."
The consequence of this was that the next morn-
ing early, Mr. Macfuss had to digest the following
note as well as his breakfast :
" Mrs. TufFs compts. to Mr. Macfuss, and I
am much surprised, Rev. Sir, that you should have
allowed persons to be turned into my pew quite pro-
THE CHUECHMEN. 163
miscuous, more especially as Mr. M. had never
asked Mrs. Tuffs permission.
Mrs. T. takes leave to say that she considers the
intrusion most unhandsome, and what by no means
bespeaks the gentleman (for gentlemen behave as
such) ; particularly as she understands that there is
plenty of room in contagious parishes. I therefore
give you notice that I shall proceed against all future
offenders with the utmost rigour of the law, accord-
ing as my attorney, Mr. Blackadder, shall advise,
and am, Sir, in the common acceptation of the term,
Your humble servant to command,
MARY ANN TUFF."
" Vinegar Hill Farm,
Sunday Night."
And Mrs. Tuff accordingly drove to the market-
town in the course of the ensuing week, to consult
attorney Blackadder: but finding from him that
there would be some difficulty in suing the intruders
for "a perturbation of seat" (that seat being con-
stantly unoccupied) and that it was clearly unlawful
to affix a lock to her pew door, Mrs. Tuff determined
M 2
164 M1LFORD MALVOISIN.
to become a regular church-goer, and both to
occupy her pew herself, and to keep every body else
out of it. And the plan she devised to insure both
these points was as follows. She resolved to be in
her pew at the time service commenced on the fol-
lowing Sunday, and to close the door effectually
when she had entered it, by passing a gimlet or
bradawl obliquely through the door, into the jamb.
Accordingly, on Sunday morning she set off for
church as soon as ever the bells began to ring, and
might have reached her pew about five minutes be-
fore the Clergyman left the vestry, but, when she had
got half way from home it flashed across her that she
had left her defensive weapon, the bradawl, behind
her. In no very sweet temper (for nothing makes a
person of Mrs. Tuff's disposition so cross as having
nobody to blame but themselves) the lady deter-
mined on retracing her steps, being satisfied that if
she only made a little extra haste she should be in
very good time. But whether she had over-rated the
rapidity of her movements, or whether there was a
variation in the clocks, or Mr. Macfuss had really
commenced the service somewhat earlier than usual,
THE CHtTECHMEN. 165
is yet uncertain ; but so it was, that when she entered
the church the Curate was beginning the second
lesson. Up the aisle she stalked, looking like a fast-
ing ogress, till she came to her own pew, and what
she looked like then, it is hard to say, for the pew
was full, full, in spite of her admonitory epistle to
Mr. Macfuss, full, in spite of her fixed resolve to
keep it empty ! Whether the intruders read in her
face that she was the legitimate owner of the sitting,
or whether they were frightened by the concentrated
venom which was sweltering in her countenance,
they seemed to feel that room must be made for her
somehow, and accordingly each pressed nearer to
his neighbour, till a very ample space was left for
Mrs. Tuff, who certainly lost no time in occupying
it, for down she flounced upon the seat with a force
that made it creak again. But the act was one which
abundantly verified the proverb of "most haste,
worst speed :" had Mrs. Tuff been less precipitate,
she might have remembered that at the bottom of
her capacious pocket there lurked a bradawl, and
would have taken care not to sit upon it. As it
was, however, if she sat down quick, she bounded
166 MILFOKD MALVOISIN.
up again with double 'celerity, and in a condition
which put an effectual stop to her occupying her
pew for many weeks after : for she was an inflam-
matory subject, and the bradawl was a long one.
But Mrs. Tuff was not the only person who re-
turned home annoyed and discontented, on the occa-
sion alluded to.
It happened that at another corner of the church
there was a pew calculated to hold eight persons, and
that four of the sittings were claimed by Mr. Crab-
stock the grazier, and the remainder by Mr. Nettle-
ship of the mill. Now as each of these gentlemen
had secretly resolved in his own mind to obtain,
sooner or later, exclusive possession of the entire pew,
as both of them were jealous of each other upon
other grounds, and neither were particularly concilia-
ting in their manners, or refined in their modes of
expressing themselves, it may easily be conceived
that when the whole eight seats were occupied there
was a good deal of hostility packed in a small com-
pass. Had the same number of individuals been
placed side by side on one of the benches, their vici-
nity to one another would have bred no angry
THE CHURCHMEN. 167
thoughts. An open sitting would have been felt to
be common ground, and ill-will (on that subject, at
least,) would have evaporated ; in a pew there was
something to keep it warm, and so the venom was
concentrated.
Such being the state of feeling between these two
neighbours, it unluckily fell out that the Crabstock
family leaving home for a week, on the occasion of
Mr. Crabstock junior's marriage, Mrs. Crabstock the
mother, lent the four sittings on the Sunday they
were absent, to one of the railroad engineers, who ac-
cordingly appeared in Milford Church, the week
before that of which we are speaking, with his wife
and three little girls, in all, therefore, five persons.
No act could have been done more innocently, or
with less intention of giving offence, and in point of
fact, the three children did not occupy more room
than two grown persons would have done, but Mr.
Nettleship had no notion of seeing the matter in this
point of view : he was satisfied that the Crabstocks
had lent their seats to strangers for the purpose of
annoying him and his family, and that the introduc-
tion of five persons instead of four, was an attempt to
dispossess him of a portion of his rights.
168 MILFORD MALVOISLN.
So Mr. Nettleship, after meditating revenge all
church-time, returned home, declaring that he would
" be even with Crabstock, and that since the Crab-
stocks introduced strangers into the pew without
having the courtesy to ask his permission, he would
pay them back in their own com, aye, and with
interest too." And he was as good as his word, for
when (on the Sunday of Mrs. Tuff's mishap) the
bridegroom and his bride, together with the parents
of the former, proceeded to their pew, decked out in
all the smart clothing which the occasion seemed to
require, they found in place of the Nettleships^/ire
young chimney-sweepers, who, on being asked their
business, declared that "Muster Nettleship would
gi'e 'em a shilling a piece to sit there all church-time :''
and as of course it would not have answered for
gentlemen, in white trowsers and lemon-coloured
gloves, to attempt to eject them, the Crabstocks
yielded the point, and found sittings with some of
their neighbours.
As soon as service was over they repaired to the
vestry, swelling with indignation, for the purpose of
laying their grievances before Mr. Macfuss. But
what could the Curate do ? Shocked and disgusted
THE CHURCHMEN. 169
of course he was to the greatest degree at the motive
which must have influenced theNettleship faction, and
he promised to lose no time in remonstrating with
them, but remedy he could see none. If people will
have Pews they must take the consequences ; if they
will squeeze and huddle together at church in a way
they would be ashamed of doing at home, they have
no cause of complaint, if now and then their pews,
like poverty, bring them " strange bed-fellows." If
a man has a pew allotted him, he has a right to lend it
to his friends, and if his friends happen to carry soot-
bags, his immediate neighbours must bear it as well
as they can ; there is no help for them.
And for ourselves we confess we are heartily glad
there is not : the oftener pride becomes its own
punishment the better.
From what has been said in a former chapter, the
reader will have perceived that the Curate of Milford
had little or no influence with his parishioners. And
this arose, not from vice or immorality on his part,
for indeed his moral conduct was exemplary, but
from indiscretion and want of judgment ; he made
himself too common, was always interfering about
170 VIM OKI) MALVOISIN.
little, indifferent matters, and continually going out
of his way to give advice which was neither desired
nor needed. Hence, it unfortunately happened, that
when the necessity for his interference really arose,
what he said had no weight with anybody, whereas,
had he reserved himself for such occasions, he would
have found that to the well-disposed part of his flock,
the expression of his wishes would be law.
But the probability is that a far more judicious
person than Mr. Macfuss would have failed of making
any impression on Mr. Nettleship, who was a very
churlish, unamiable man. Mr. Macfuss, however,
did not fail of his duty : he went that very evening
to the miller, and remonstrated with him most ear-
nestly, and told him with all gravity and plainness of
how great a sin he had been guilty, what insult he
had offered to God, and what a scandal he had caused
to his fellow- worshippers, by shewing that he carried
his angry passions into the presence of Him, Who will
only forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
Mr. Nettleship's reply was foul personal abuse,
and a declaration that he would do what he pleased
THE CHURCHMEN. 171
with his own pew. So the poor Curate, after replying
with much meekness, returned home with anxious
thoughts how best he might allay the storm which he
saw gathering on all sides, and not without some
regrets that he had ever undertaken the Pastoral
superintendence of the parish of Milford Malvoisin.
CHAPTER VIII.
je Sitters anB tf)tir Stata.
-And such
May still be seen, but perforated sore
And drill'd in holes the solid oak is found,
By worms voracious eating through and through.
At length a generation more refined
Improved the simple plan
And o'er the seat with plenteous wadding stuff' d
Induced a splendid cover.
These for the rich : the rest whom fate had placed
In modest mediocrity, content
With base materials, sat."
Cowper.
TIME, the reputed soother and alleviator of troubles,
produced no calming effect on the angry folks at Mil-
ford : on the contrary, each week seemed to bring
with it some fresh cause of disagreement and ill-will.
The fire once kindled was not allowed to go out for
lack of fuel ; everybody who had a pew, and every-
THE CHUBCHMEN. 173
body who wanted one, had something to add in order
to keep the flame of contention glowing. People who
had gone on contentedly for half a century, sitting
week after week, in the same ricketty old box, without
murmer or discontent, suddenly discovered that they
had been very hardly used, and declared it to be
great injustice that they had not had more room allot-
ted them, or been placed more immediately opposite
to the pulpit : some were too near the stove, some
too near the door ; some were all in the dark, some
had their eyes put out by the sunshine ; those, who
like the Crabstocks and Nettleships had seats in the
same pew, clamoured for an immediate divorce, while
one or two large families, who contrived to fill two
pews each, were intent upon having their divided sit-
ings approximated, and their two small boxes made
into one large one.
And then, to crown all, the colony at the railway-
station grew more and more clamorous to be provided
with seats in their parish church, and the Engineers
(who of course looked at all matters of admeasure-
ment with the interest of a professional eye) did not
fail to reiterate the remark that the area of the nave,
174 MILFOBD MALVOISIN.
under a different arrangement, might, allowing
eighteen inches to each person, (they were of course
very slim themselves), and making the new pews of
sitting, not kneeling, width, contain the requisite
accommodation.
It really was wonderful to see the state of agita-
tion into which the parish was thrown, the vehe-
mence with which the various clashing interests were
maintained, and to hear of the number of ill-natured
things said and done by people who had lived to-
gether for many a year, in uninterrupted amity and
good-will, until they were seized with an attack of
an epidemic (as distressing in its way as either "the
dancing madness," or " the black death" of a former
age, and) which, as being hitherto undescribed, might
not be unaptly designated as the Pew-fever.
Such being the state of things, it will easily be
conceived that the calling a Vestry-meeting was like
the flames reaching the powder-magazine when a
ship is on fire : it was the grand explosion, and con-
summation of the catastrophe. And never proba-
bly since its church was built, was Milford the scene
of such a contentious debate as on the occasion when
THE CHURCHMEN. 175
the Churchwardens called together their fellow pa-
rishioners for the purpose of voting the usual annual
levy of four-pence in the Pound, for the necessary
repairs of the Sacred fabric. Every rate-payer,
almost, resolved to attend the meeting, but with the
full determination that he would pay nothing till he
had secured the. object on which he had personally
set his heart; and as this object, generally speaking,
could only be attained at the expense of a neighbour,
who would consequently oppose it, the chances of
an universal resistance to the rate was considerable :
the church was, as usual, to be made the victim, be-
cause these stupid people would not agree among
themselves, and were like children crying for the
moon.
Accordingly, on the day appointed, the various
contending parties met, and the result was such a
scene of confusion as might have been anticipated.
Mr. Macfuss, the chairman, endeavoured in vain to
keep the speakers to the question immediately be-
fore them; nobody heeded him, half a dozen peo-
ple were talking at once ; and when after many
remonstrances on his part, it was agreed that only
176 MILFORD MALVOI8IN.
one speech at a time was desirable, each succeeding
speaker became more and more personal, and wan-
dered further and further from the four-penny levy,
till by an easy transition, the discussion about the
injustice of " some folks trespassing on other folks'
pews," suggested the recollection to one rate-payer
that his neighbour's sheep had trespassed into his
turnips, and the angry expostulation and mutual
recrimination which ensued, added fuel to the fire
which was already hot enough.
At this moment some of the gentlemen from the
Station made their appearance, and begged to ask
what accommodation could be provided for them-
selves and their families in Milford Church. The
inquiry produced an immediate silence, and every-
body waited to hear what answer the Churchwar-
dens would give. Mr. Blunt, who was the repre-
sentative of the parishioners, was disposed to answer
that they could be accommodated in the churchyard
(whenever they wished it) but nowhere else. How-
ever, as Mr. Kirkscrew the Rector's Churchwarden,
had been long in office, and was a leading personage in
the parish, Mr. Blunt left it to him to make answer.
THE CHUECHMEN. 177
Mr. Kirkscrew was a very popular person, he
never laid a church-rate when he could avoid it, and
always took care to have the church repairs done by
cheap workmen, in their cheapest manner ; and
being, moreover, exceedingly anxious to save his own
pocket, and having anticipated the probability that
such an enquiry would be made, he was not unpre-
pared to meet it, and he did so by proposing another
question; "Of course," he said, "the parish could
not be expected to do anything for nothing. What
did the gentlemen at the station propose to do them-
selves?"
They expressed a desire to have pews for their
families, and seats for their artificers ; and they were
ready to build the former at their own expense, if
the parish would find room.
Mr. Nettleship replied that they were already so
crowded, that even old parishioners, like himself, had
not an entire pew ; but were subject to disagreeable
and impertinent intrusions.
Mr. Crabstock remarked that he was in a simi-
lar predicament, though somewhat better off than
Mr. Nettleship, since he found the intruders, whe-
178 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
ther chimney-sweeps or otherwise, infinitely more
clean, sweet, and agreeable, than any members of
the family with whom he had the misfortune to be
associated.
Mr. Nettleship was about to make a pleasant
rejoinder to his neighbour's conciliatory observation,
but, on his attempting to rise, Mr. Kirkscrew pulled
him down by the tails of his coat, and intreated bun
to be quiet.
Mr. Spokes, who was the advocate of the En-
gineers, then suggested that if the church were re-
pewed there would be plenty of room for every-
body.
But to this proposal nobody seemed to listen with
patience. It was received on all sides with murmurs
of disapprobation, and the pew-holders small and
great, the very people who had been complaining,
and grumbling, and quarrelling half an hour before,
over the inconvenience and unfairness of the present
arrangement, were all of a sudden smitten with the
greatest repugnance to alterations. Something, they
were ready to admit, should be done, if possible, for
the new comers ; but they could not consent to any
THE CHURCHMEN. 179
changes in those seats to which they had themselves
a long established right. Some had built their pews
out of their own pockets, some respected them be-
cause their grandmothers had occupied them, some
had no particular reason to allege, but all, even Net-
tleship and Crabstock, resisted the plan for new pew-
ing : they could not abide the narrow slips of pews
that were built now-a-days, they had long legs and
could not bear being cramped, or they had short
legs and so required a hassock instead of a kneeling-
board :* they could not and would not sit in any
but square pews ; and besides, even if they sacrificed
their's, Sir Peter Pinfold could not be expected to
sacrifice his ; and unless the Squire's great pew was
taken down very little room could be gained.
But why should not the matter be laid before the
Baronet, asked Mr. Spokes ; he was a great land-
holder certainly, but nobody, the king himself,
could not fill a pew twenty feet long, and six feet
wide. i.
Once more Mr. Spokes found himself in a mino-
These abominations have apparently been named on the " lucus
a non lucendo" principle. In nine out of every ten churches in which
they have been introduced, it is impossible to kneel at all.
N2
180 MILFOBD MALVOISIN.
rity ; the rate-payers had no wish whatever to inter-
fere with the Milford Grange pew : it was the oldest
pew in the church ; always had been there : some
said it was built by Oliver Cromwell, some had
heard that it had been put up in Harry the Eighth's
time, some thought it a great curiosity, and some
a very handsome object. At any rate, for all these
reasons, it would never do to have that altered : and
there was one reason more which nobody adduced,
but which was really the influential one, they all
feared that if the Pinfold pew was brought into a
reasonable compass, their own boxes might suffer
diminution.
" Well, gentlemen," answered Mr. Spokes, " of
course it is impossible to think further of a scheme
which seems so universally unpopular. But I have
another suggestion to make. If those old tumble-
down oak-sittings, occupied at present by the Poor,
were removed, there would, I apprehend, be room
to erect pews for us new-comers without disturbing
the occupants of the existing pews, and I have
already said that we would undertake the cost of
their erection."
THE CHUBCHMEN. 181
This was a delightful proposal: it got rid of
every difficulty among those who were trembling for
their possessions : and even Mr. Kirkscrew smiled
blandly at a scheme which would save him trouble
and cost him nothing, and so he appealed to Mr.
Macfuss for his approbation of it.
"Why so far as the pew-holders are concerned,"
observed the Curate, " it seems a very convenient
arrangement ; but may I ask what you intend to do
with the Poor ? How are they to be accommodated ?"
At this unexpected inquiry the assembled ves-
try looked rather blank : they had only been consi-
dering themselves : nobody had thought about the
Poor.
" Dear me, they can sit anywhere," observed Mr.
Clemmalive, a gentleman weighing eighteen stone,
one of the board of guardians, and an inexorable
dietist on the water-gruel system at the Union work-
house, " Dear me, they can sit anywhere. There's
not many on 'em comes, and for them as does,
there's the Communion steps, which are very com-
fortable and well-matted, and there may be some
new benches put lengthways down the aisle."
182 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
Mr. Macfuss shook his head, and said he did
not think that upon reflection the gentlemen in the
vestry would be satisfied with giving such meagre
accommodation to the Poor. " They need encou-
ragements," he thought, " and any obstacles thrown
in their way would be a most serious evil: if but
few came now, there would be fewer still when they
were driven forth from their old seats."
" But suppose, my good Sir," interposed Mr.
Spokes, " that we find them as good, or better places,
what shall you say then ?"
" I shall be quite satisfied," answered Mr. Mac-
fuss.
"Well then, gentlemen," continued Spokes, "it
appears to me that we may erect a gallery or two, at
the west-end of the church with very little trouble,
and perhaps another down one side, and this will
afford ample room, not only for the Milford poor,
but for our numerous artisans at the station, for
whom some provision ought perhaps to be made."
Mr. Kirkscrew's wife's brother was a carpenter,
who having erected a row of cottages and three
shop fronts, dubbed himself a builder, and had in-
' Churches *, the; aie."
p. ISS.
THE CHURCHMEN. 183
tended in a few months to set up as an architect, but
his name having in the interim become rather well-
known in the Court of Bankruptcy, he had post-
poned, for a short time, the adoption of the more
illustrious title. This Mr. Greenwood (happily so
designated, since he was never known to use sea-
soned timber in any building with which he was
connected) and the senior Churchwarden of Milford
were great allies, and such being the case, it is only
wonderful how Milford church had escaped being
beautified by him. However, the present occasion
seeming a fair opportunity to give his brother-in-law
a helping hand, and not being without a vague sus-
picion that by advancing money to his needy rela-
tive at usurious interest, he might himself turn a
penny by the job, Mr. Kirkscrew listened to the
suggestion with extreme satisfaction, thanked Mr.
Spokes for making it, and added, that for his part it
appeared to him to obviate every difficulty.
The assembled parishioners seemed quite of the
same opinion; and so it fell out that a meeting
which commenced with discord, terminated with
very decent appearances of unanimity. The only
184 MILFOKD MALVOI8IN.
obstacle of any kind (for there is no rose without a
thorn) was the expense : but they might get a grant
from the Church Building Society, and Sir Peter
Pinfold was very generous, and there were many ways
now-a-days of getting money for church repairs.
So it was settled that the galleries were to be
erected, the fourpenny levy was granted nem. con.,
Messrs. Macfuss and Kirkscrew were deputed to
wait upon the Baronet, and ask his aid, and then
the meeting broke up.
But Sir Peter was, as it turned out, by no means
an admirer of the contemplated arrangements ; he
thought the galleries would utterly disfigure the
church, and destroy the beauty of its proportions.
" It was quite right," he said, " that people should
have pews, and everybody be accommodated; and
he was sure that by a new arrangement plenty of
room would be found for everybody."
" But your own pew, Sir Peter ? we cannot move
that...."
"Why not?" asked the Baronet interrupting
him.
" Oh, we have no right or wish to ask you to
THE CHUBCHMEN. 185
sacrifice your present commodious seat, which has
so long been attached to the Grange ; but it is so
placed that without moving it very little could be
done towards a re-arrangement."
" Pray don't let my pew, then, be any obstacle in
way, Mr. Kirkscrew; pull it down tomorrow if you
please. If you will only give me the necessary
amount of room, that is all for which I stipulate."
Mr. Kirkscrew desired nothing less than such a
concession ; he had felt strong in the conviction of
the Squire's well-known obstinacy ; and doubtless,
if there had been no question of erecting galleries,
Sir Peter might, and probably would have vehe-
mently opposed the destruction of his pew ; but
whether it was that obstinate people are occasionally
wayward and capricious, or whether the Baronet
magnanimously resolved to choose the least of two
3vils, we do not pretend to say : certain, however, it
is, that the Churchwarden was utterly taken aback by
Sir Peter's decision : he had never anticipated that
the Squire could be indifferent about maintaining
the grand pew in its original dimensions, and he felt
that so long as that pew stood, all the other shape-
186 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
less boxes might be preserved intact. But here were
all his visions of security annihilated in a moment.
However, it was necessary that he should say some-
thing, so after blundering, and hesitating, and thank-
ing the Baronet for his condescension, and so forth,
he was forced to confess that he believed the other
pew-holders in the parish would be more unyielding
than Sir Peter, and that they had one and all a strong
repugnance to any changes.
" And pray, Mr. Churchwarden, who is to pay
for these galleries ?" asked the Baronet who now
began to comprehend the real state of the case.
" Why, Sir," answered Mr. Kirkscrew, " that is
a point on which we wished to consult you. Bur-
dened, as the parish is, we cannot be expected to do
much from the rates ; but we hope individual libe-
rality will aid us considerably."
" Humph," said the Baronet.
"And then," continued the Churchwarden, "we
can get something from the Diocesan Society."
"Well?" said Sir Peter, as drily as before,
" and you think this will be sufficient?'*
"No, I fear not;" replied Mr. Macfuss, "but
THE CHURCHMEN. 187
perhaps some of the ladies will undertake to levy
shilling contributions from the public. The penny
postage gives wonderful facilities that way." While
the Curate said this, he fixed his eyes so intently on
Lady Pinfold who was sitting at the other end of the
room, that she felt she was expected to take a part
in the conversation : and therefore good-naturedly
exclaimed, " Dear me, if I can be of any use, I am
sure I shall be happy to assist you, Mr. Macfuss,"
and then she stopped short, for she saw Sir Peter
looking as if. he would like to beat her, "that is, if
it is a sort of thing that that that I could do.
But I do'nt understand what the method you pro-
pose to adopt, is."
" You're a happy woman, my Lady," cried the
Baronet ; " ' Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be
wise.' I tell you what, Lady Pinfold, I wish you
would change correspondents with me ; for I rarely
open the letter-bag without finding two or three im-
pertinent letters asking me for a shilling."
" But why should'nt poor people ask for a shil-
ling if they want it ?"
" It is not the asking for it, but the may of asking
188 MILFOED MALVOISIH.
that I quarrel with," replied her husband. " I re-
ceive a letter, open it, find in it, first, an envelope
stinking of musk, and directed to a Mrs. Bountiful,
or Miss Shillingsworth, or somebody I never heard
of, and who for aught I know, may be a swindler :
then comes a piece of card cut to hold the money
which my amiable correspondent takes it for granted
will be sent ; and lastly, a handbill like those issued
by quack-doctors, and very much in the same strain.
It is headed with a text or two of Scripture, just to
shew you how excellent the person who sends it
must be. After this follows an address in a strain of
foot-pad eloquence, ' Stand and deliver ! Your
money or your life !' concluded by an intimation
that if you give ' any much larger sum' than a
shilling, the recipient will even go the length of
thanking you for it ; and thus you will have every
reason to hope that a correspondence commenced
with so much delicacy, will be permanently con-
tinued."
" Ah, now Sir Peter," said his Lady, laughing,
" you have got into one of your satirical, ill-natured
ways, and so we shall have nothing but abuse of
what was at any rate well-meant."
THE CHURCHMEN. 189
"Pardon me," replied the Baronet, "I do not
speak of these people with half the severity they de-
serve. Just think of the mischief they do by taking
merit to themselves for only asking for a shilling. If
a work of Christian Charity is to be done, let Chris-
tian people be called upon to give according to their
means ; do'nt encourage the miserable covetous spi-
rit of the age, by falling into the canting humbug
of asking for sixpences and shillings, because their
loss will never be felt. Depend upon it, the people
who set this sort of machinery going must be speci-
ally careful of their own pockets ; you may rely on
it, that they practise this part of their preaching."
" Perhaps, Sir Peter," remarked Mr. Kirkscrew,
"you are not aware what large sums maybe col-
lected this way. A lady who lives in the city,
Mrs. Scraper, got 1,500 before she had got to the
letter M in the London Directory. And Mrs.
Gratis, whom I dare say you know, Sir Peter, as she
lives in this neighbourhood, has got 400 very lately.
Pinchley Vicarage is but a small house, and Mr.
Gratis has only one other living, and there is a large
family, and they wanted more room, and the out-
190 MILFOBD MALVOISIN.
houses were dilapidated, so Mrs. Gratis sent out
letters for shilling-contributions, and got enough
money to build a nursery, and a coach-house; to
erect a fresh set of pig-styes, and put up a very
handsome gold and white paper in the drawing room.
To be sure Mrs. Gratis is a very clever managing
woman, and she had need to be with so many chil-
dren. But I do believe she gives away hundreds in
charity yearly ; yet it never costs her or her husband
a farthing. Of course she has a great deal of trou-
ble in collecting so much money, but she is not par-
ticular in asking, and she gets it somehow."
"Well, I must declare at once," said Lady Pinfold,
turning to Mr. Macfuss, " that I cannot lend myself
to such a scheme as this: every shilling I received
would make me blush for my own meanness. I shall
be happy to give you a donation, (and if the gal-
leries are dispensed with, it shall be a large one)
but you must forgive my declining to levy contri-
butions after the Gratis fashion."
" Quite right! my Lady !" ejaculated Sir Peter.
" Out upon such quackery and nonsense ! And, my
dear, let us lay it down as a rule for the time to come,
THE CHURCHMEN. 191
that if either of us receive any letters from these good
folks who would be charitable at other people's ex-
pense, to acknowledge the receipt, by informing our
correspondents that we will forward their communi-
cation (as we do all begging letters) to the Mendicity
Society. And now, gentlemen, with respect to the
business in hand, I hate galleries, and wo'nt give a
six-pence towards them, but if you choose to re-pew
the church properly, I am quite ready to sacrifice
my pew, and to contribute my quota to your funds."
And Sir Peter wished his visitors good morning,
nothing doubting that the gallery scheme would be
dropped. But he was disappointed. The ancient
pew -holders would not be disturbed, and Mr. Kirk-
screw was anxious to benefit himself and Mr. Green-
wood ; and accordingly, in a few months, two gal-
leries were reared, one above another, at the west-
end of the church, and another dragged its slow
length adown the aisle, cutting the arches of the
nave in two, and converting the venerable fabric
into as hideous a preaching-house as eyes could see.
And then came the usual result : the folks who
had pews under the gallery were now outrageous
192 MILFOED MALVOISIW.
because they were all in the dark ; others declared
that the atmosphere was so close and confined, that
they could not go to church without feeling faint,
or going to sleep. One lady left off coming to Di-
vine service because she said that one of the new
cast-iron pillars obstructed her view of the preacher :
another became an attendant at the meeting-house
in an adjoining parish, because she (being one in
family) could only have half of one of the new pews :
and several of those who had battled most earnestly
for the possession of a pew, when they had once
fairly secured it, never came near it.
Meanwhile, Sir Peter Pinfold thinking that his
wishes had not been sufficiently consulted, was in
high dudgeon with the Curate and the Churchwar-
dens, and would contribute nothing to the list of
donations. And to sum up all, the galleries had not
been erected much more than a year, before the most
unequivocal symptoms of dry-rot began to exhibit
themselves, and Mr. Greenwood's timbers looked as
if they had been selected from the Fungus-pit at
Woolwich.
The galleries, therefore, became in a short time
THE CHUBCHMEN. 193
a more fruitful cause of dissension than even the
pews had been, and the people who sat under them
declared that they were in constant expectation of
their coming down upon their heads. Poor Mr.
Macfuss fretted and fidgetted, and tried to make
peace and erect props, but he failed in both points ;
the props were of no use, and peace seemed to have
fled from Milford Malvoisin. Party feeling grew
higher than ever ; Mr. Kirkscrew resigned his office
of Churchwarden, and what would have become of
the unlucky Curate in this war of elements it is hard
to say ; happily, however, for him, when the hub-
bub was at its height, his eyes glanced upon the fol-
lowing advertisement in the Ecclesiastical Gazette :
"Wanted, a Clergyman of orthodox sentiments,
and evangelical opinions, as Assistant Curate in a
fashionable watering-place. As his duties will bring
him into contact with the higher ranks, it is deemed
essential that he should have a prepossessing exte-
rior, and gentlemanly address. The salary is 80 a
year, with the advantages of introduction to the best
society, and (in consequence) few expences of house-
194 MILFOBD MALVOISLN.
keeping. Direct to A. M., Post Office, Seahamp-
ton.
" N.B. The gentleman must be approved by the
, Society."
The last paragraph certainly rather staggered Mr.
Macfuss, for though he had not hitherto given him-
self much trouble about Church principles, it did
seem rather a strong measure for any Society to
assume to itself episcopal functions and jurisdiction.
However, every day shews that people may recon-
cile themselves to anything, and as Mr. Macfuss
(like a peer of the last century, of whom it was said,
that it might be equally predicated of him, that he
was a high-spirited nobleman on a long-tailed horse,
or a long-tailed nobleman on a high-spirited horse)
as Mr. Macfuss had no doubt that he was possessed
of orthodox sentiments, and evangelical opinions, or
orthodox opinions, and evangelical sentiments, as the
case might require, (and indeed he had full as much of
one as of the other) ; and as, moreover, his grand-
mother had invariably spoken of him as possessing a
beautiful exterior, and gentlemanly address; know-
THE CHURCHMEN. 195
ing, too, that he was six feet high, and had remarkably
good teeth ; and lastly, being fond of polite society
and sea bathing, he determined to apply for the
Curacy, and having satisfied the Committee who
" sat upon him" on all the above points, he received
the nomination, and in three months quitted the
quarrels of Milford Malvoisin, for the fashionable
chapel at Seahampton, where there were three tiers
of galleries, and no dry-rot, and where the ladies of
his congregation presented him before the year was
over with an elegant set of robes, a diamond ring, and
three dozen pocket-handkerchiefs of the finest French
cambric.
o2
CHAPTER IX.
's tocll, tfjat cntjs tocll.
As when in tumults rise the ignoble crowd,
Mad are their notions, and their tongues aie loud.
And stones and brands in rattling vollies fly,
And all the rustic arms which fury can supply-
Then if some grave and pious man appear,
They hush their noise, and lend a listening ear.
Dryden'i Virgil.
IT has been already mentioned that there was no
resident Rector at Milford Malvoisin. Mr. Clerke,
who was the incumbent during the period of which
we have been speaking, had another living, Mister-
ton Malvoisin, some five miles off, and there he had
dwelt for more than half a century ; but for some
years past age and infirmities had reduced him to a
taste of childishness and imbecility, and he presented
THE CHUBCHMEN. 197
to his friends that sight which is the most trying and
distressing to witness, existence, when existence
has become a burden, through failure of the intel-
lectual powers, and inability to discharge the duties
of life. The pastoral superintendence of both his
parishes had, therefore, for some time past devolved
solely upon Curates, and this state of things, had not
been without its evils, and perhaps the longer it con-
tinued the worse matters would have become. It
was consequently a most fortunate circumstance,
considering how injudiciously Mr. Macfuss had
acted, and how difficult the position of his successor
would inevitably be, that that successor came not
with the more limited means and contracted autho-
rity of a Curate, but as a Rector who was about to
fix his permanent residence in the parish. Within a
month after Mr. Macfuss's departure to Seahampton,
good old Mr. Clerke died, and Mr. Till, a gentleman
who had been for some years engaged in the labours
of a town parish, and who had thereby gained much
experience in parochial matters, was nominated to
the living.
And a happy appointment it was for the inhabi-
198 MILFOKD MALVOI8IN.
tants of Milford ; for Mr. Till was not only an active
and zealous parish-Priest, but one whose activity was
guided by discretion, and whose zeal was according
to knowledge. Moreover, he was one who was tho-
roughly imbued with Church principles, and who
felt that on carrying out the Church-system in his
parish the permanent success of his labours would
depend. He knew full well that there was an easy
road to popularity, and perhaps celebrity, for those
who choose to make themselves conspicuous : there
is a religious as well as a political agitation : and it
is to be feared that in the former as well as in the
latter, the agitator has the same object, the ultimate
aggrandizement of self. It is not difficult for one
who is full of himself, his own zeal, his own devotion,
his own earnestness, to obtain for a short time a very
great influence, and to raise himself in popular esti-
mation, far above many who are his superiors, not
less in intellect, than in the graces of humility and
self-discipline. But a position so obtained is rarely
lasting; it is like "fire among the thorns, giving a
momentary blaze, and then dying away for ever :"
and even where a celebrity of this description con-
THE CHUBCHMEN. 199
tinues permanently, it is attended with little advan-
tage either to the individual, or to his flock; the
one remains self-deceived, the other fails to produce
the expected fruit. " We looked for much," as the
Prophet saith, " and, lo, it has come to little."
On the other hand, he who thinks of himself as
nothing, and the Church and the Church's cause as
every thing, who feels his true position as one among
many brethren ; who looks on man's praise as a snare,
and on ambition as a sin ; who is content to be useful
instead of being admired ; who endures hardness, and
multiplies watchings, and fastings, and prayers, in
preference to the easy, comfortable religion of the
day; such an one, though he may remain unnoticed
by the world, will gradually be building up, while
men sleep, and they know not how, an edifice, not
of wood, hay, or stubble, but of gold, and silver, and
precious stones, and which shall assuredly stand on
that day when " the fire shall try every man's work,
of what sort it is." And more than this, his influ-
ence shall extend, and the seed which he sowed
bear fruit, even long and long after he himself is for-
gotten. Such a man was Mr. Till. Like Hooker,
200 MILFOBD MALVOI8W.
whom Walton describes as an " obscure, harmless
man ; a man in poor clothes, of a mean stature, and
stooping, and yet more lowly in the thoughts of his
soul : his body worn out, not with age, but study and
holy mortifications." Like Hooker, the new Rector
had little in his personal appearance to attract or pre-
possess, and when he arrived at Milford those who
first saw him thought that one so pale and emaci-
ated would soon make way for another incumbent.
When they heard him in the reading desk too, they
were quite disappointed: "it was," they said, "just
as if he was saying his prayers in his own chamber,
and he seemed quite unconscious of the presence of
the congregation." The fact was they were so used
to hearing Mr. Macfuss preach the prayers, that they
were on the look-out for fine intonations and grand
effects, and so they could not appreciate one who
was too much absorbed in what he was doing, to
consider the impression he was making on those
around him. He was thinking too much of the
prayers, and of Him to whom they were addressed,
and of those for whom as God's Priest he was inter-
ceding, to think of himself; and so he was not try-
THE CHURCHMEN. 201
ing to throw a " larmoyant" tone into the Confes-
sion, and an authoritative one into the Absolution,
and so forth; the subject was too awful to be trifled
with : he was in earnest, not acting ; and conse-
quently being only distinct in his enunciation, and
being quite plain and simple in his delivery, his
parishioners thought as they said, that he was " no-
thing out of the common way." So, likewise, in the
pulpit, to persons who were expecting mouthing, and
action, and the tricks of our modern popular prea-
chers, Mr. Till gave little satisfaction, for to adopt
once more the words of Hooker's biographer " his
sermons were neither long nor earnest," (i. e. impas-
sioned) but uttered with a grave zeal and an humble
voice : his eyes always fixed on one place to prevent
his imagination from wandering ; insomuch that he
seemed to study as he spake. The design of his
sermons, as indeed of all his discourses, was to shew
reasons for what he spake ; and with these reasons
such a kind of rhetoric, as did rather convince and
persuade, than frighten men into piety; studying
not so much for matter which he never wanted,
as for apt illustrations, to inform and teach his un-
202 MILFOED MALVOI8IN.
learned hearers by familiar examples, and then make
them better by convincing applications ; never la-
bouring by hard words, and then by needless dis-
tinctions and sub-distinctions to amuse his hearers,
and get glory to himself; but only glory to God."
Mr. Till, therefore, during the first fortnight of
his incumbency, was considered to be decidedly in-
ferior to Mr. Macfuss.
But not many weeks had passed before the Mil-
ford critics began to discover that they had made a
mistake. Mr. Macfuss had certainly, at one period,
more variety than his successor ; for as has been
already said, having no settled opinions, his theology
at the commencement of his career, had as many
alternations from hot to cold, and from cold to hot,
as the thermometer itself, but having latterly become
more of a party man, he had but one sermon, though
of course a sufficient variety of texts and beginnings
to head it withal, so that it had become a sort of by-
word among his flock, when any body asked what
the Curate had been preaching about, to answer,
" Oh, just the old story !" With Mr. Till it was
different. Nobody could say that he was undecided
THE CHUECHMEN. 203
in his opinions, and yet nobody could say that he
did not give sufficient prominency to every doctrine
in the circle of Christian truth. Without making
any professions of his zeal in declaring " the whole
counsel of God," it was the object at which he
laboured continually; and so at length his people
gradually discovered, and that although there was
little of noisy declamation "to interest and excite"
them, they were always sent home enlightened by a
clear and distinct statement on some important sub-
ject, and faithfully warned and exhorted to the dis-
charge of some Christian duty. So with regard to
the Prayers, they found themselves thinking nothing
at all about the reader, as they had been wont, but
giving their attention more fully and undistractedly
to what he was saying. And lastly, (for such is often
the result of very hasty conclusions) they began to
veer round, and change their opinions with respect to
his personal appearance. Some wondered that they
had not earlier discovered what piercing eyes he had,
some found out that he had such a pleasant voice,
and all said that every feature in his countenance
bespoke him to be a good man. It was quite true
204 MILFOED MALVOISW.
that Mr. Till had all these advantages ; but the
parishioners of Milford did not find them out till
they were unconsciously yielding to an influence,
such, as till now, had never been exercised over
them: their respect and regard were bestowed in-
sensibly; their hearts had been stolen away, as it
were, by stealth.
The state of his church was, of course, one of the
first points to which the new Rector directed his at-
tention, and was a subject of much anxious thought.
He had sufficient knowledge of Ecclesiastical archi-
tecture to be able to form a general notion of what
ought to be done, and was prudent enough to see
that for practical details it was far better (and proba-
bly cheaper) to obtain the aid of a first-rate architect,
than to commit himself to the tender mercies of a
builder.
Accordingly, he lost no time in putting himself in
communication with a gentleman, who was not only
a person of great taste and experience, but was an
enthusiastic admirer of Gothic architecture, had a
reverential feeling for antiquity, and fully understood
the Catholic arrangements of a church. It is need-
THE CHUBCHMEN. 205
less to say that such a man would make no wanton
and unnecessary alterations, and that he would not
do anything to destroy the unity of the original design.
One of the first questions which Mr. Waynflete
asked Mr. Till, after carefully surveying the Sacred
fabric, was whether he intended merely to put the
edifice in a decent state, or to restore it (so far as
possible) to the condition in which it must have been
antecedent to its spoliation by the Puritans.
I would transmit it to those that come after me,"
replied the Rector, " in as perfect a state as on the
day of its consecration. The parish, of course, can
only be required to keep the building in an adequate
state of repair, but that will not content me. Some
of my flock, I do not doubt, will feel it as great a
privilege as I do myself to be allowed to contribute
towards the funds which will be required for the
larger measure of restoration contemplated by me ;
but whether they do or not, I am resolved that the
work shall be done : if by myself alone so much the
greater my happiness."
"But my good Sir," answered the Architect,
"the sum required will be at least two thousand
pounds."
206 MILFORD MALVOISIN.
"So little?" said Mr. Till, "I should not have
been surprised if you had named a larger sum."
Mr. Waynflete looked surprised, for he knew that
his friend's means were very limited, and that the
living was not worth more than 350 a year. "I
beg your pardon," said he, at length, " but you seem
to me to contemplate a very rash proceeding."
" Why ?" asked the incumbent of Milford.
" Because you have all the expenses before you,
which taking possession of a new living involves.
You have a parsonage to furnish from the garret to
the cellar, you . . . ."
"Excuse me," replied Mr. Till, "I shall require
a bed room, and a sitting room, and a servant's room,
and I have brought more than enough furniture
with me to accomplish that. You don't suppose
that I am going to buy couches and arm-chairs,
curtains, and carpets, and looking glasses, while my
church is in its present condition ?"
Mr. Waynflete gazed at his friend as if he thought
that he had taken leave of his senses, and exclaimed,
" You are not in earnest, surely."
"lam, though!" answered the Rector hastily,
and as if he did not wish the discussion prolonged.
THE CHURCHMEN. 207
" Believe me, Till, I respect your motives most
sincerely, but you carry your notions too far : the
world will say . . . ."
" My good friend," replied Mr. Till, interrupting
the architect, and laying his hand upon his arm, " if
you wish to prove to me that I am in error, I am
quite ready to listen to you, hut, I entreat you, do
not do yourself so little justice as to bring forward the
opinion of the world as being worth a thought on
such a subject as this. However, if you really think
the poor world would grow nervous or over- anxious,
were it to hear the state of the case, you should
reflect that we have the remedy in our own hands.
/, of course, shall never say whence the funds are
derived, and if, as I now do, I beg you to preserve
an unbroken silence on the subject, I know that as
a friend and a man of honour, I may trust you. My
fortune is eight thousand pounds : surely it is no
great sacrifice to offer a quarter of it to Him, from
whom I have received all/ It is no sacrifice, but if
it were, I would gladly make it as an exercise of
faith. God will be no man's debtor."
But the needful funds were not the only things
208 MILFOED MALVOISIN.
which it was necessary to obtain before the restora-
tion of Milford Church could be commenced : the
pew-holders must be brought to consent to the des-
truction of their dearly-beloved pews, and this, as
Mr. Till well knew, was no easy point to gain, for his
experience in a large town had taught him that on
no subject connected with the Church do people ex-
hibit such pitiful and unchristian tempers.
As soon, therefore, as he had procured the plans
of the proposed alterations, he carried them with him.
to Milford Grange, and laid them before Sir Peter
Pinfold. Our readers, knowing the Baronet's hasty
temper, may very naturally suppose that he flew
into a passion, and proceeded to butt at Mr. Till in
the same manner as he had done at the railway En-
gineers: such, however, was not the case. What
his reply might have been if Mr. Macfuss had sug-
gested to him to turn his pew into open seats, it is
not difficult to anticipate ; he would have done him-
self the injustice of not giving the matter proper
consideration, merely because he did not happen to
like the person who made the proposal. But Sir
Peter, in spite of his foibles, knew how to appreciate
THE CHURCHMEN. 209
a person of Mr. TilTs character : "and when he] had
listened to the Rector's statement, and the arguments
adduced in favour of the alterations, he saw at once
the advantages of the plan ; and not only cheerfully
gave his consent as far as himself and his tenants
were concerned, but volunteered a very munificent
contribution to the repair-fund.
And so it was with the poor rate-payers, and the
petty shop-keepers (some of whom had pews) ; they
all, with hardly an exception, were ready to enter
into Mr. Till's views, and assured him they felt that
he would do better for them than they could do for
themselves : they quite agreed with him in thinking
that the pews had created a deal of ill-will in the
parish, and that the House of God was no place for
the animosities of man.
So far all was plain sailing, as the saying is ; but
Mr. Till knew that his main difficulties were yet to
come ; the Crabstocks and the Nettleships, the Tuffs
and the Kirkscrews, and the Perkys, these were
the class of people who were sure to be violently
opposed to him : wealthy fanners who had been
accustomed for half a century or so, to connect a
p
210 MILFOBD MALVOISIW.
notion of dignity with the possession of a pew, and
who thought that dignity was an article which it
specially behoved them to carry to church ; worthy
folks who had a great objection to open seats, and
who on being asked why they had such an objection,
pertinently answered " because they had ;" ladies of
a certain age who were afraid (for their wrinkles' sake)
of being dragged from the obscurity of a pew into
the full blaze of day ; smart dressers who feared that
their dresses would be soiled or rumpled by too close
approximation to their neighbours, all those people,
in short, who thought themselves of consequence,
and that it was their duty to make themselves of more
consequence, were sure to be opponents of any scheme
in which the comfort and advantage of the many was
to be preferred to that of the few.
And all these parties, with all their different mo-
tives of self-interest, Mr. Till had to encounter, and,
if possible, to persuade them to lay aside their sel-
fishness, and to consider others as well as themselves.
Let one specimen of such a conversation suffice, for
the characteristics of rude, undisciplined minds are
very much the same in all cases, and are very painful
to contemplate.
THE CHUKCHMEN. 211
" I have called on you, Mrs. Tuff," said Mr. Till,
on the occasion alluded to, "for the purpose of ask-
ing your consent to the removal of your pew, and
the substitution of an open sitting in its place, when
the repairs of the church shall be completed."
" Oh, indeed, Sir ? It is something new, quite
new, my being consulted about the disposal of my
pew. It is the fashion at Milford church to fill peo-
ples pews with strangers without their permission,
and as I may say, to dispose of them altogether.
What's the good of coming to ask what you know I
shall refuse, and what you will probably do what you
will with, in spite of my refusal?"
" In the first place, Madam, I not only did not
know that you would refuse our request, but I feel
quite persuaded that you will not, upon reflection,
oppose yourself to any plan which is fraught with
advantage to your fellow-parishioners."
" I have a right to my pew, Sir, and I shall stand
by my rights."
" Have you any faculty for the seat you occupy?"
"No, Sir; but the town-book allotted my pre-
sent pew to Vinegar Hill Farm, a hundred years ago,
212 MILFOED MALVOISW.
and, therefore, as the pew has always gone with
Vinegar Hill, it always will to the end of the world."
" I helieve, Madam," answered Mr. Till, " that
you are in error as to the law of the case. You have
a right to claim to be seated in Milford church, and
were no changes necessary, you would, no doubt, be
left in undisputed possession of your present pew ;
but when the parishioners have decided on a re-
arrangement of sittings, you cannot, as an individual,
claim an exemption from the general rule."
" Ah, I thought there was some quibble to turn
me out, I was sure of it, you might as well have
said so at once."
"I think you mis-understand the state of the
case, Mrs. Tuff; your present pew, will, if the parish
decide on re-arranging the sittings, be removed, but
you will have an adequate number of seats granted
you in lieu of those which you now hold ; the point,
however, which I wish to ascertain from you is, whe-
ther you have any objections to an open sitting?"
" Oh ! what you want to put me on an equality
with my servants, and the alms-house people, and
the charity children? I am not going to demean
THE CHUECHMEX. 213
myself so, I can tell you, Sir. If I can't sit in a pew,
I shan't come to church."
" I grieve to hear you say so, Madam ;" answered
Mr. Till, "there are many ways in which people
jeopard their souls, but to do so because you cannot
sit in a deal box does seem to me quite incompre-
hensible. Why should there be distinctions of rank
kept up in the House of God ? Surely the rich and
poor may meet there on equality."
" I shan't sit cheek by jowl with my ploughmen,
I can tell you," exclaimed Mrs. Tuff, angrily.
" You are not called upon to do so," answered
Mr. Till; "but if you cannot associate with your
dependents in praise and prayer on earth, how will
you tolerate communion and fellowship with them
hereafter ? You would not have one Heaven for the
Rich and another for the Poor ?"
Mrs. Tuff looked as if she desired nothing better,
but she forbore to say so, and Mr. Till continued :
" Church, Madam, is the place, where, if anywhere,
in this world, all are upon an equality ; and it is
good for us all to be reminded that such is the case.
So shall there be neither undue exaltation or abase-
214 MILTOKD MALVOI8IN.
ment ; the rich will not consider their poorer bre-
thren as their inferiors, nor the poor feel unworthy
to mix in the devotions of their worldly superiors."
" Well ! really, I never heard anything so shock-
ing!" cried Mrs. Tuff. "You a Clergyman, Sir!
and preaching such levelling, Jacobinical, democra-
tic, radical doctrines. I wonder what we shall hear
of next!"
Mr. Till did not think it necessary to defend
himself from the charge of being a leveller : he felt
he was wasting time, so hastened to bring matters to
a crisis. " I am to understand, then, Mrs. Tuff,"
said he, " that you altogether oppose yourself to the
proposed changes ?"
" Yes, Sir," replied the lady, in a very decided
tone ; " and I suspect you won't find three people in
the parish who will consent to give up their pews."
" I have already found that my poorest and my
richest parishioners make no difficulty about it."
" Oh, I dare say not," answered Mrs. Tuff; "but
that is easily accounted for."
" In what manner?" asked the Rector.
" Sir," rejoined the tenant of Vinegar Hill, "the
THE CHURCHMEN. 215
middle class in society object to open pews in the
church, while the highest and lowest prefer them,
because we in the middle classes are much more
moral and religious than the other two ranks."
Mr. Till was prepared for a good deal from the
lips of such a disputant; but the humility and mo-
desty of this last speech was beyond what any body
could have expected. He remained silent from
amazement; but was soon not a little amused to
find Mrs. Tuff taking up a totally different line of
argument.
" Yes, Sir," she continued, " it is our piety, not
our pride, that makes us prefer closed pews ; we are
bidden to pray in secret, and thus we would fulfil
the commandment, keeping ourselves unobserved
where no external objects distract the attention, and
the words of the preacher come more home to our
hearts/'
" Do you seriously mean, Madam, to refer to
public worship, a command, which, from its very
wording shews that it was directed wholly and solely
to private prayer?"
" I know this, Sir, though I am no Divine, that
216 MILFOBD MALVOISIN.
the Bible tells me when I pray to enter into my
closet, and shut to the door. Is not my pew my
closet ? and how can I shut to the door in an open
sitting?"
"You would assert, then," asked Mr. Till, " that
all public worship as such, is an infringement of our
blessed Lord's command ; that if the poor, for in-
stance, who have no pews, pray in open sittings, their
prayers, under such circumstances, are an act of pre-
sumption and disobedience ; and that in point of
fact it is quite an error to offer * Common Prayer ' in
common?"
Mrs. Tuff not having quite seen whither her ab-
surd doctrine would lead her, was for the moment
silenced, so the Rector availed himself of the oppor-
tunity to point out the utter inappropriateness of the
passages cited by her, reminded her of the Apostolical
injunction that we should not forsake the assembling
of ourselves together, set strongly before her the
social character of every part of the services of the
Church, and shewed unanswerably that for persons
to come to God's House, and then with their pews
and their exclusiveness to shut themselves off (or
THB CHTIBCHMElf. 217
rather to attempt to do so, for the thing is impossible,
and external objects are just as visible and distracting
in pews as elsewhere) to shut themselves off from all
companionship with their fellow-worshippers, cannot
be otherwise than an offence to God and the Church.
Mrs. Tuff had nothing to allege against what
was in truth unanswerable, so she shifted her position
once more.
" It seems to me," she said, " that after all, a
great deal more is said against pews than would be the
case if you did not think them unsightly. You talk
of them as if you thought them wrong in themselves.
I believe your only object in getting rid of them is to
make the church look better."
" It is one object, Madam, and a very great and
important one, but the main reason I have already
alleged."
" Well, I think you will destroy the Church with
all your innovations : you are encouraging dissent to
established forms by destroying pews, and you will
make people papists and methodists with your changes.
And it is all pride, and not humility ; and you are
aiding the radicals by altering ancient customs ; and
218 MILFOED MALVOISDT.
you will upset the monarchy, Sir, as well as the pews,
and in short, I dont know what you wo'nt do. And
I intend to maintain my property against all invasion
of my rights, and I shall see whether Mr. Blackadder
will not recommend me to take the law of the Church-
wardens, if they presume to touch my pew. And so
you have your answer, Sir."
Such was a sample of the sort of persons Mr.
Till had to deal with, and such is a fair specimen of
the sort of arguments hy which they advocate the
Pew-system. It is not meant that all who were un-
willing to enter into his views addressed their Pastor
with the coarseness and offensiveness which Mrs.
Tuff exhibited, but still there was much to disgust
and discourage the new incumbent. Mr. Till, how-
ever, bore all the angry opposition which threatened
him, with imperturbable good nature. He was wise
enough to look upon such out-breaks as that of the
tenant of Vinegar Hill, as by no means cutting off his
hope of ultimate success. " Thunder storms clear the
air," he was wont to say. And when he had listened
with patience to some long pent-up explosion of
THE CHUECHMEN. 219
wrath, he felt that he had, as it were, got one obstacle
out of his way ; there was hope of his angry parishioner
becoming a patient listener in turn.
And so it generally happened that the next time the
subject was broached it was received more favourably.
A third conversation led to more definite results, and
when at last, two or three sturdy opponents had been
won over, people began to find out that the demoli-
tion of pews would not necessarily involve an abolition
of the rights of property, or the overthrow of Church
and State ; all animosity gradually died away, and
before the next Vestry meeting assembled, it was
generally known that the only determined opponents
whom neither Mr. Till's kindness, nor his discretion,
nor his arguments, could conciliate, or win over, were
a drunken overseer who never came to church, and
a maiden lady on the shady side of fifty, who, having
been brought up among dissenters, very naturally
loved her pew as being of presbyterian origin, and
as presenting to her mind a comfortable kind of link
between the Church and the Conventicle.
It is needless to say, that under such circum-
stances, the work of restoration was speedily com-
220 MILFOBD MALVOISHC.
menced, and proceeded without interruption ; and so
evident was the improvement produced by getting
rid of the pews, that many of those who had most
vehemently opposed the change, and who even now
had no interest in the work as a matter of taste, were
heard to wonder how anybody could sit in a pew,
when an open sitting could be had.
After Mr. Till himself, Sir Peter Pinfold was pro-
bably the most diligent inspector of the progress
of the carpenters and masons at Milford Malvoisin,
and so regularly and continually was he at his post,
that he might have been mistaken for Mr. Waynflete's
clerk of the works. The repairs, however, com-
mencing at the West-end, it was some time before
it became necessary to pull down the Grange Pew ;
so Sir Peter had the satisfaction of seeing the area of
the nave gradually cleared, till nothing was left to
obstruct the view of the Altar, but Mr. Blote's spa-
cious inclosure.
" Now then," cried the Baronet, as he saw the
workmen approaching to demolish it, " now then we
shall soon see daylight," and with that he sent his
foot against one of the old panels with so much vehe-
' Churches a tht> weit, and as thiy will br.
THE CHUKCHMEN. 221
mence, that he stove in no inconsiderable portion of
the rickety frame-work. Having thus set the ex-
ample, he turned on his heel, and proceeded to the
tower, to watch from thence the effect of the removal
of his pew, but as he had to make his way over
broken benches and other obstacles, the carpenters,
who were in high glee at the late vigorous demon-
stration, contrived to make such short work, that
when he turned round, the object which had so long
disfigured the church was gone, the fair proportions
and design of the Sacred edifice were no longer
obscured, and the eye glanced from end to end
through a perspective as beautiful as it was uninter-
rupted.
" So perish every pew, in every church, through-
out the country !" exclaimed Sir Peter, as he turned
to Mr. Till who was standing at his side. " Per-
verted taste, perverted feeling, perverted principles
have reared them, and we have borne with them so
long, only because habit had accustomed us to the
abomination ! Surely, surely, Mr. Till, when a few
churches in every County shall have been restored
to their pristine state, we may hope that people's eyes
222 MILFOBD MALVOISIN.
will be opened, and they will see the error of which
they have been guilty."
" They need not wait for so slow a process, Sir
Peter," replied the Rector, "if they will only turn
to their Bibles, they will find that the case of pew-
holders has been already anticipated and condemned,
and if they wish to save themselves and their neigh-
bours from the fate of those who despise " Christ's
little ones," they will read with awe, the Apostolic
warning, and act upon it promptly and decidedly.
* My brethren,' saith St. James,* ' have not the faith
of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with
respect of persons. FOB IF TUEEE COME INTO YOUB
ASSEMBLY A MAN WITH A GOLD BING, IN GOODLY APPA-
REL, AND THEBE COME IN ALSO A POOB MAN IN VILE
BAIMENT; AND YE HAVE BESPECT TO HIM THAT WEAB-
ETH THE GAY CLOTHING, AND SAY UNTO HIM, SlT THOTJ
HEBE IN A GOOD PLACE : AND SAY TO THE POOB, STAND
THOU THEBE, OB SIT HEBE UNDEB MY FOOTSTOOL : ABE
YE NOT THEN PABTIAL IN YOUBSELVES, AND ABE BECOME
JUDGES OF EVIL THOUGHTS ? Hearken, my beloved
brethren, Hath not God chosen the poor of this world,
James ii. 16.
THE CHURCHMEN. 223
rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which he hath
promised to them that love him? BUT YE HAVE
DESPISED THE POOR !' "
THE END.
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THE REFORMATION of the ENGLISH CHURCH
By the Rev. F. C. MASSINGBERD, M.A.
LIVES of EMINENT ENGLISH LAYMEN. By th
Rev. W. H. TEALE, M.A., Leeds.
HISTORY of the AMERICAN CHURCH. By ARCH
DEACON WlLBERFORCE.
A LIFE of SAINT BERNARD. By the Rev. EDWAR
EHURTON, M A.
A COMPANION to the PRAYER-BOOK. By th
REV. T. M. FALLOW, M.A , All Souls, St. Marylebone.
A HISTORY of the CHURCH in SCOTLAND. B
the Rev. JAMES SKINNER.
LIVES of ENGLISH WORTHIES. By N. GOLD
SMITH, Esq., of Exeter College, Oxford.
N.B. Each rolume of the " Library" it complete in ittelf, and may,
purchated leparately.
PR Paget, Francis Edward
Milford Malvoisin
PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE
CARDS OR SLIPS FROM THIS POCKET
UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO LIBRARY
