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Full text of "Miscellaneous plays and farces"

lifornj 

tonal 

iity 



UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
AT LOS ANGELES 




LIBRARY, 

ANGLES, CALIF. 



[- ' 






Brome, Richard. 
Milton, John. 
Podsley, Robert. 

Carey, Henry. 



i. 

Gar-pi Gk- 



Lennox, Charlotte 
(Ramsey) 



The jovial crew. 1774. 
Coraus . 



The blind beggar of 
Bethnal Green. 1761. 

Chrononhotonthologos . 
1770. 

Albumazar . 1773 . 

Old city manners. 1775 



Theobald, Lewis . 



Double falsehood. 1767 



THE 

JOVIAL CREW: 

OR, THE 

MERRYBEGGARS. 

A 
COMIC-OPERA. 

, \ 

As* it is Performed at the 

THEATRE-ROYAL 

In COGENT-GARDEN. 

A NEW EDITION, 
With ADDITIONAL SONGS, and ALTERATIONS. 



LONDON: 

printed for T. LOWNDES, T. CASLON, W. NICOLL, and 
S. BLADON. 



M.DCC.LXX1V. 



Price One Shilling. ] 

59612 



Dramatis Perfonse, 



M.DCC.LXXIV. 



Hearty, 

Springlove r 

Randal, 

Oliver, 

Vincent, 

Hilliard, 

Juftlce Clack, 

ratrico, 

Martin, 

Beggar-Men, 



Rachel,. 
Meriel, 
Amie, 

Beggar Women, 



M E N. 



WOMEN. 



Mr, 
Mr. Reinhold. 
Air. fj^roughton 
Mr. Dun/lall. 
Mr. Young. 
Mr. Mattocks. 
Mr. Dubellamy. 
Mr. Sbuter. 
Mr. .&?(?/. 
Mr. Thompfon. 
Mr. *W, 
Mr. J?^^r, 
Mr. Wewitzer, 
.Mr. L^, &c. 



Mifs Catley. 
Mifs Brown. 
Mifs Dayes. 
Mrs. Willemsr 
Mrs. Evans, 
Mrs. White, &c. 



Dancers, Countrymen, Servants, and Beggafs. 

SCENE Oldrents' and Juflice Clack* j Houfe, and 
the Country adjacent. 



THE 



THE 

JOVIAL CREW, 

A C T I. SCENE I, 

S C E N E, A Room in Ol'drents' Houfe. 

Enter Oldrents and Hearty. 



I 



Old. ~^f T has indeed, Friend, much affli&ed me. 

Heart. And very juftly, let me tell you, Sir, to give 
Ear, and Faith too (by your Leave) to Fortune- 
tellers ! Wizards ! and Gypfies. 
Old. I have fmce been frighted with it, in a thoufand Dreams, 
Heart. I would go drunk a thoufand Times to Bed, rather 
than dream of their Riddlemy Riddlemeries. 

AIR I. 

:To-d&y let us never be Slaves, 

Nor the Fate of To-morrow enquire : 
Old Wizards, and Gypftes^ are Knaves, 
And the Devil, we know r is a Liar. 
Then drink off a Bumper whiljl you may. 
We'll laugh and we'll fmg, tho' our Hairs are grcj\ 
He's a Fool, and an Afs, 
That will baulk a full Glafs, 
For fear of another Day. 

Old. Wou'd I had your merry Heart! 
Heart. I thank you, Sir ! 
Old. I mean the like. 

Heart. 



6 The JOVIAL CREW. 

Htart. I wou'd you had ! and I fuchan Eftate as yours. 
Four thoufand Pounds a Year, with fuch a Heart as mine, 
would defy Fortune, and all her babbling Soothfaycrs. 

Old. Come, I will ftrive to think no more on't. 

Heart. Will you ride forth for the Air then, and be merry? 

Old. Your Counfe), and Example, may infrruc~t me. 

Heart. Sack muft be had in fundry Places too. For Songi 
I am provided. 

AIR II. 

In Nottinghammire, 

Let 'em boajl of their Beer ; 
With a Hay-doivn, down, and a down f 
I'll f.ng in the praife of good Sack : 

Old Sac^ and old Sherry -, 

Will make your Heart merry, 
Without eer a Rag to your Back. 

Then cajl away Care, 

Bid adieu to Defpair, 
With a ctoiun, dozvn, dawn, and a down ! 
Like Fools, our own Sorrows we make : 

Inflight of dull thinking, 

While Sack we are drinking, 
Our Hearts are tso bufy to ach. 

Enter Spring! ove, with Books and Papers, and a Bunch of 
Keys. He lays them on a Table. 

Old. Yet here comes one, brings me a fecond Fear, who has 
my Care next unto my Children. 

Heart. Your Steward, Sir, it fecms, has Bufmefs with you : 
I wiih you would have none with him. 

Old. I'll foon difpatch it, and then be for our Journey in- 
ftantly. 

Heart. I'll wait your coming down, Sir. [Exit. 

Old. But, why, Springlove, is now this Expedition ? 

Spr. Sir, 'tis Duty. 

Old. Not common among Stewards, I confefs, to urge in 
their Accompts before the Day their Lords have limited. 

Spr. Sir, }our Indulgence, I hope, fhall ne'er corrupt me. 
Here, Sir, is the Balance of the feveral Accompts, which 
{hews you what remains in Cam. ; which >idded to your farmer 
Bank, makes up in all 

Old, Twelve thoufand and *dd Pounds. 



*fbe JOVIAL CREW. 7 

Spr. Here are the Keys of all : The Chefts are fafe in your 
Own Clofet. 

Old. Why in my Clofet ! Is not yours as fafe ? 

Spr. Oh Sir ! you know my Suit ! 

Old. Your Suit ! what Suit? 

Spr. Touching the time of Year. 

Old. 'Tis well nigh May: Why, what of that, Sprtnglmef 

[Birds fag. 

Spr. Oh Sir ! "you hear I am calPd ! 

Old. Are there Delights in Beggary ? Or if to take Diverfity 
of Air, be fuch a Solace, travel the Kingdom over; and if this 
yield not Variety enough, try farther (provided your Deport- 
ment be genteel) take Horfe, and Man, and A4oney, you have 
jill, or I'll allow enough. [Nightingale, Cuckow, ike. Jings. 

Spr. Oh, how am I confounded ! Dear Sir, return me naked 
to the World, rather than lay thofe Burdens on me, which 

Y/ill ftifle me. I mult abroad, or perifh Havel vour Leave, 

Sir ? 

Old. I leave you to difpute it with yourfelf : I have no Voice 
to bid you go, or flay. [Exit. 

Spr. I am confounded in my Obligations to this good Man. 

Enter Randal, and three or four Servants with BafKets. 
The Servants go off. 

Now, Fellows, what News from whence you came ? 

Rand. The old wonted News, Sir, from your Gueft-Houfr, 
the old Barn: They have all pray'd for you, and our Matter, 
as their Manner is, from the Teeth outward : Marry ! from the 
Teeth inward, 'tis enough to fwallow your Alms, from whence, 
I think, their Prayers feldom come. 

Spr. Thou'rt old Randal ftill ! ever grumbling ! but ftill offi- 
cious for ? em. 

Rand. Yes, hang 'em, they know I love 'em well enough : $ 
have had merry Bouts with fome of 'em. 

A I R III. 

And he that will n:t merry, merry le^ 

With a pretty Lafs in a Bed; 
I wijh bs were /aid in our Church-yard, 

With a Tomb-Jione over his H-.:d. 
He, if he cou'd, to be merry, merry there^ 

We, to be merry i merry here ; 
For who does know, where we ' ."7 r? 

To /-' fiitryry amther Year, 
Brave Boys / to le merry -noth:r Year, 

4- fy< 



8 The JOVIAL CREW. 

; Spr. Well, honeil Randal! thus it is I am for a 

Journey : I know not how long will be my Abfence : But I 
will prefently take Order with the Cook and Butler, for my 
wonted Allowance to the Poor. And I will leave Money with 
them to manage the Affair till my Return. 

Rand- Then rife up Randal, Lailey cf the Beggars, [Exeunt, 

SCENE,* Barn. 

. TbeJScggws are 'difco-ver' d in th'eir Poftures : Then they iffue forth, 
and at lajl the Patrico. 

Enter Springlove. 

All the Beggars. Qur Matter ! our Mailer ! our fweet and 
/comfortable Mailer ! 

Spr. How chear, my Hearts ? 

1 Beg. Moil crowfe ! moil capsrin-ly! Shall we dance? 
fhall we ling to welcome our King ? : 

A I R IV, 

j Beg. Worn. Tho 1 all are- dif contented grown, 

And fain would change Conditions ; 
The Courtier envies now the Clown, 

The Clowns turn Politicians. 
% Beg. Worn. Ambition Jlill is void of IFit, 
And makes a woful Figure : 
For none of 'em all e'er envfd yet, 

The Life of a Jovial Beggar. 
Chor. Ambition Jllll, &c. 

3 Beg. Worn. The Man that 'hourly wracks his Brain, 

To increafe his ufelefs Store, 
Still dreads a Fall, and lives in Pain, 
While we can fall no lower. 

4 Beg. Worn. The Dame of rich Attire that brags, 

JF'ou'd willingly unrig her. 
Did/he but "know the Joys of Rags, 
And the Life of a Jovial Beggar. 
Chorus of all. Tin Dame, &c. 

Spr. What is he there? that folemn old Fellow? 

2 Beg. Man. O Sir ! the rareft of them all ! He is a Pro- 
phet j fee how he holds up his Prognofticating Nofe : He is 
Divining now. 

Spr. How! a Prophet! 

2 Bt*. 



JOVIAL CREW. 9 

2 Beg. Man. Yes, Sir, a Cunning-man, and a Fortune-teller, 
*Tis thought he was a great Clerk before his Decay ; but he is 
very clofe, will not tell his Beginning, nor the Fortune he 
himfelf is fallen from. But he ferves us for a Clergyman ftill, 
and marries us, if Need be, after a new Way of his own. 
Spr. How long have you had his Company ? 
2 Beg. Man. But lately come among us, but a very ancient 
Stroller all the Land over ; and has travell'd with Gyplies, aad 

is a Patrico. Shall he read your Fortune, Sir? 

Spr. If it pleafe him. 

Pat. Lend me your Hand, Sir. 

By this Palm I underftand 
T'hcu art born to Wealth and Land : 
And after many a bitter Guft, 
Shall build with thy great Grandfire's Duft. 
Spr. Where (hall I find it ? JBut come, I'll not trouble my 
Head with the Search. 

2 Beg. Man. What fay you, Sir, to our Crew; are we not 
well congregated ? 

Spr. You are a Jovial Crew ! ttye only People whofe Happi- 
nefs I admire. ] 

3 Beg. Man. Will you make ur happy in ferving you? Have 
you any Enemies ? Shall we fight under ye ? Will you be our 
Captain ? 

2 Beg. Man. Nay, our King ! 

3 Beg. Man. Command us lomething, Sir ! 
Spjr. Where's the next Rendezvous ? 

1 Beg. Man. Neither in Village, nor in Town, 

But three Miles off, at Maple-dawn, 
Spr. At Evening, there I'll vifit you. 
l beg. Man. And there you'll find us frolick, 

A I R V. 

j Beg. Man. tt'ell glad our Hearts with the beft of our Cleer, 

Our Spirits we'll raifc with bis Honour sjlrong Beer ; 
Jill Strangers to Hope, and rcgardlefs of Fear^ 
We II make this the merriejl Night of the Tear. 

Chor. The Year, We'll make this the merriejl Night of the Tear. 

2 Beg. Man. Nor Sorrow, nor Pain, among ft us Jhall be found \ 

To our Maker's good Health JJjalt the Cup be crown d. 

That long he may live and in B/ifs abound, 

Shall be every Mans IViJh while the Bowl goes round, 

Chor. Goes n,ufit(\ Shall be every Man* Wijb, &c. 



\o tts JOVIAL CREW. 

3. Beg. Man. Our Wants we cant help, no?' our Poverty cirre : 

To- morrow mayn't come, of "To-night well make fur r, 
We II laugh, and lie down, although we are poor, 
And our Love Jhall remain, tho' the Wolfs at the Door. 

Chor. The Door, And our Love, &c. 

4 Beg. Man. TJicn brijk, and f?nart, Jhall our Mirth go round., 
With antlck Meafures we'll beat the Ground, 
To plefifure our Majler in Duty bound, 
We'll dance, tilltue're lame, and drink till 'we 're Sound. 

Chor. Wire Sound, We'll dance^ &c. 

Spr. So, now away ! [Exeunt Beggars. 

They dream of Happinefs that live in State, 
But they enjoy it, that obey their Fate. [Exit. 



SCENE, Oldrents' Heufe. 
Enter Vincent, Hilliard, Meriel, and Rachel. 

Hill. I admire the Felicity they take. 

Vin. Beggars ! they are the only People can boaft the Benefit 
of a free State, in the full Enjoyment of Liberty, Mirth, and 
Eafe. Who would have loft this Sight of their Revels ? How 
think you, Ladies r Are they not the only Happy in a Nation ? 

Mer. Happier than we, I'm fure, that are pent up, and ty'd 
by the Npfe to the continual Stream of hot Hofpitality here in 
our Father's Houfe, when they have the Air at Pleafure in all 
Variety. 

AIR VI. 

In the charming A'fonth <j/"May, 

When the pretty little Birds b' gin to ftng : 
IVhat a Shame at Home tojlay, 

Nor enjoy the fmiling Spring, 
While the Beggar that looks forlorn, 
Tho' Jhes not Jo nobly born. 
With her Rags all patch' 'd and torn, 

While /he dances andfengs with the merry Men and Maids , 
In her fmiling Eyes you may trace 
And her innocent chcarful Face j 

Tho' /he's poor, may be 

Mare happy than Jhe 
TJ;atfighs in her rich Brocades.. 

Rath. 



J 



OVIAL CREW. n 



Rach. And tho' I know we have merrier Spirits than they, 
yet to live thus confin'd, ftifles me. 

See how the Lambs are f porting ! 

Hear bow tbe Warblers [ing ! 
See bow tbe Doves are courting ! 

All Nature hails the Spring. 
Let us embrace the BleJJing, 

Beggars alone are free ; 
Free from Employment, 

Their Life is Enjoyment 

Beyond ExpreJJlon j 
Happy they wander, 
And happy /Jeep under 
The Greene-wood Tree. 

Hill. Why, Ladies, you have Liberty enough, or may take 
what you pleafe, 

Mer. Yes, in our Father's Rule and Government, or by his 
Allowance: What's that to abfblute Freedom ? Such as the 
ve*y Beggars have ; to feaft and revel here To-day, and yonder 
To-morrow; next Day, where they pleafe ; and fo on ftill, 
the whole Country or Kingdom over. There's Liberty ! the 
Birds of the Air can take no more, 

Rach. And then, at Home here, or wherefoever he comes, 
our Father is fo penfive (what muddy Spirit foe'er poflefles 
him, wou'd I cou'd conjure it out !) that he makes us ever fick 
of his Sadnefs, that were wont to do any Thing before him, 
and he would laugh at us. 

Mer. Now he never looks upon us, but with a Sigh, or 
Tears in his Eyes, tho' we fimper never fo demurely. W^hat 
Tales have been told him of us, or what he fufpecls, I know 
not, but I am weary of his Houfe. 

Rach. Does he think us wanton tro, becaufe fometimes we 
talk as lightly as great Ladies ? 

How fweet is the Evening Air^ 
When the Lajfes all prepare, 

So trim and fo clean, 

To trip it o'er the Green, 
And meet with their Sweethearts there / 

While the pale Town Lafs 

Difguifes her Face, 
TO fqueak at a Majquerade j 

B ^ Where 



is TA? JOVIAL CREW. 

Where the proudf/l Prude 
May be fubdu'd, 

And when Jhe cries, You re rude^ 
You may conclude 
She will not die a Maid. 

Rach. I can fwear fafely for the Virginity of one of us, fo 
far as Word and Deed goes.* -Marry, Thoughts are free. 

Mer. Which is that one of us, I pray? Yourfelf, or me? 

Rach. Good Sifter Meriel, Charity begins at Home : But I'll 
fwear, I think as charitably of thee, and not only becaufe thou 
art a Year younger, neither. 

Mer. I am beholden to you. But dear Rachel^ as the 

Saying is, a demure Look is no Security for Virtue. 

She was not coy, 

She woud laugh and toy, 

Yet preferv ' d her Virgin Fame } 
She was her Father's only Joy, 

And every Shepherd's Flame. 
Tho' manyjlrove, 
Yet none could move ; 

"Till Strephon, \oung and gay, 
Infpir'd her Soul with virtuous Lovt t 

Andjlole her Heart away. 

But for my Father, I would I knew his Grief, and how to cure 
him, or that we were where we cou'd not fee it. It fpoils our 
Mirth, and that has been better than his Meat to us. 

Vbic. Will you hear pur Propofal, Ladies ? 

Mer. Pfhah ! you would marry us prefently out of his Way, 
becaufe he has given you a foolifh kind of Promife : But we 
will fee him in a better Humour firft, and as apt to laugh, as 
we to lie-down, I warrant him. 

Hill. 'Tis like that Courfe will cure him, would you em- 
brace it. 

Rack. We will have him cur'd tirft, I tell you, and you fhall 
wa.t that Seafon, and our Leifure. 

Mer. I will rather venture my being one of the Ape-leaders, 
than to marry while he is fo melancholy. 

/Inc. We are for any Adventure with you, Ladies. 

Rach. And we will put you to't. Come alide, McrieL 

I remember an old Song of my. Nurfe's, every Word of which 
fhe believed as mu.ch as her Pjli/ter, that us'd to make me long, 
when i was a Girl, to be abroad in a Moon-light Night. 



J o v r A t CREW.. 13 

At Night, by Moon-light on the Plain, 

With Rapture, how 1'vefeen, 
Attended by her harmless Train, 

The little Fairy Queen, 
Her Midnight Rcvtx Jtv&tly /v//>. 
While Mortals are involved in Sleep, 

TJjey tript it o'er the Green : 
/nd where they dancd their chearful Round, 

The Morning would difclofe ; 
Fer where their nimble Feet do bound, 

Each Fhw'r unbidden grows ; 
The Daify (fair as Maids in May) 
The Cowflip in his gold Array, 
And blujbing Violet *rofe. 

Mer. Come hither, Rachel. 

f :} Ha!h ? .,ha! 

fine. What's the Conceit, I wonder ! 



Hill. Some merry one it feems, but I'll never pretend to 
guels at a Woman's Mind. 

The Mind of a Woman can never be known, 

You never can guffs it aright : 
/'// tell y oit the Reafon -- She knows not her oivn, 
It changes fo often e'er Night. 
''Twou' d puzzle Apollo, 
Her jyhimjies to follow, 
His Oracle won' 'd be a Jffl j 
She'll frotvn when Jhe's kind, 
J hen quickly yoiill find, 
She'll change with the H 7 im}, 
And often abufes, 
The Man that fhe chufef^ 
And what fne refufe^ 
Likes bejh 

Rach. And then, Mertsl, - Hark again Ha, ha, ha ! 

Vine. How they are taken with it ! 

Mer. Ha, ha, ha ! Hark again, Rachel, - 1 am of the 
Girl's Mind, who would not take the Man fhe lik'd beft, 'till 
fhe was fure he Ipv'd her well enough to live in a Cottage 
with her. 

Mer, 



14 72* JOVIAL CREW. 

Mer. IVliat, tho' Jbe lov'd this young Man well, 

She never woud be his Bride j 
'Till for a while he agreed to dwell 

With her, by the Green-wood Side. 
Rach. And he that lives by the Green-wood Side, 

Where Joy and Pleafures fpring ; 
May laugh at the Courtier's painful Pride, 
Nor envy the State of a King. 

Vin. Now, Ladies, is your Project ripe 1 Poflefs us with 
the Knowledge of it. You know how, and what we have 
vow'd ; to wait upon you any how, and any whither. 

Mer. And you will ftand to't I 

Vine. Ay, and go to't with you wherever it be. What 

fay you, are you for a Trip to Bath ? 

Mer. No, no, not 'till the Doffor doesn't know what elfe 
to do with us. 

Vine. Well, would you be courted to go to London ? 

Rach. Few Country Ladies need be afk'd twice : But you're 
a bold Man to propofe it. 

How few ', like you, woud dare advife, 

To truft the Town'j deluding Arts ; 
TVhere Love in daily dmbujb lies, 

And triumphs over heedlcfs Hearts ! 
How few, like us, wou'd thus deny 

T' indulge the tempting dear Delight, 
Where daily Pleafures charm the Eye, 

jfndjoysfuperior crown the Night / 

Hill- In the Name of Wonder, what would you do *. 

Mer. Pray tell it 'em, Sifter Rachel. 

Rach. Why, Gentlemen Ha, ha ! Then thus it is You 
feem'd e'en now to admire the Felicity of Beggars. 

Mer. And have engag'd yourfelyes to join with us in any 
Courfe. 

Rach. W^ill you now with us, and for our Sakes, turn Beggars? 

flfer. It is our Resolution, and our Injunction gn you. 

Rach. But for a Time, and a fhort Progrefs. 

Mer.' And for a Spring-Trick of Youth, now in the Seafon. 

Vine. Beggars ! what Rogues, are thefe ! 

Hill. A Ample Trial of our Loves and Service ! 

Rach. Are you refolv'd upon't ? If not, farewell ! We are 
refolv'd to take our Courfe. 

Mer. Let yours be to keep Counfel. 

Vine. Stay, ftay Beggars ! Are we not fo already ? 

AIR 



The JOVIAL CREW. 15 
A I R XII. 

Vine. We leg but In a higher Strain, 

Than fordid Slaves, who beg for Gain. 
Hill. No paltry Geld, or Gems, ^ve want, 

We beg what you alone can grant. 
Vine. No lofty Titles, no Renown, 

But fomething greater than a Crown. 
Hill. We beg not Wealth, or Liberty, 
Both. We beg your humble Slaves to be. 

Vine. We beg your fnowy Hands to kifs, 

Or Lips, if you d vouchfafe the Biifs. 
Hill. And if our faithful Vows can move, 

(What Gods might envy us) your Love. 
\ inc. The Boon we beg, if you deny, 

Our Fate's decreed, we pine and die. 
Hill. For Life we beg, for Life implore, 
Both. The poorejl Wretch can beg no more. 

Rack. That will not ferve your Time's not come for that 
yet. You fhall beg Victuals firft. 

Vine. O ! I conceive your begging Progrefs is, to ramble out 
this Summer among your Father's Tenants. 

Mer. No, no, not fo. 

Vine. Why fo we may be a kind of Civil Beggars. 

Rach. I mean, Hark, errant, downright Beggars. Ay, with- 
out JEquivocation, Statute Beggars. 

Mer. Couchant and Pajfant, Guardant and Rampant Beggars. 

Vin. Current and Vagrant. 

Hill. Stockant and Whippant Bep,g;ars. 

Fine. 'Fore Heaven i 1 think they are in Earneft j for they 
were always mad. 

Hill. And we were madder than they, if we ftiould lofe 'em. 

Vine. 'Tis but a mad Trick of Youth, as they fay, for the 
Spring, or a (hcrt-Progrefs ; and Mirth may be made out of it 
if we knew how to carry it. 

Rach. Pray, Gentlemen, be fudden. [Cuckow without'} Hark! 
you hear the Cuckow. 

A I R XIII. 

Rach. Abroad we rnujl wander to hear the Birds Jing, 

T' enjoy the frejh Air, and the Charms of the Spring. 

Mer. We'll beg for cur Bread, thtn if the Night's raw, 
Will keep ourfefosi warm in a Bed of clean Straw. 

Rach. 



16 T^ J. o v i A L C R E w; 

Rach. How blejl is the Beggar, -who takes the frejh Air I 
Mer. Tho' hard is his Lodging^ and coarfe is his Fare. 

Rach. Confinement is hateful 

Mer. And Plea fur e dejlroys. 

Both. 'Tis Freedom alone is the Parent of Joys. 

Enter Springlove. 

Vine. O! here comes Springlove! His great Benefaftorfhip 
among the Beggars, might prefer us with Authority, into a 
lagged Regiment, prefently. Shall I put it to him ? 

Rach, Take heed what you do ! His Greatnefs with my Fa- 
ther will betray us. 

Vine. I will cut his Throat, then. My noble Springlove! 

the great Commander of the Maunders^ and King of Canters : 
We law the Gratitude of your Loyal Subjects, in the large 
tributary Content they gave you in their Revels. 

Spr. 'Did you fo, Sir? 

Hill. We have feen all, with great Delight and Admiration. 

Spr. 1 have feen you too, kind Gentlemen and Ladies, and 
over-heard you in your ftrange Defign, to be Partakers, and 
. Co-Actors too, in thofeVile Courfes, which you call Delights, 
ta'en by thole defpicable and abhorred Creatures. 

Vine. Thou art a Defpifer, nay a Blafphemer, againft the 
Maker of thofe happy Creatures. 

Rach. He grows zealous in the Caufe: Sure he'll beg indeed ! 

Vine. Art thou an Hypocrite, then, all this while r only 
pretending Charity, or ufmg it to get a Name and Praife unto 
thyfelf j and not to cherifh and increafe thofe Creatures in 
their niofr. happy Way of Living. 

Mer. They are more zealous in the Caufe, than we. 

Spr. .But are you, Ladies, at Defiance too with Reputation, 
and the Dignity due to your Father's Houfe, and you ? 

Rach. Hold thy Peace, good Springlove; and tho' you feem 
to difiike this Difcourfe, and reprove us for it, do not betray 
us in it. Your Throat's in (^Hieftion ; I tell you for Good- 
Will, good SpritigLve. 

Spr. I have founded your Faith, and am glad to find you 
all right. And for your Father's Sadnefs, I'll tell you the 
Caufe on't ; I over-heard it but this Day, in private Difcourfe 
with his merry Mate, Hearty ; he has been told by fome Wi- 
zard, you both were born to be Beggars ! 

M. How! how! 

Spr. For which he is fo tormented in Mind, that he cannot 
fleep in Peace, nor look upon you a but with Hcart's-Grief, 

/ inc. This is moft ftrange ! 

5 Reek. 



The JOVIAL CREW. 17 

Rach. Let him be griev'd then, 'till we are'Begears ; we have 
juft Reafon to become fo now; and what we thought on but in 
Jeft before, we'll do in Earneft now. 

Spr. I applaud this Refolution in you; wou'd have perfuaded 
it; will be your Servant in't. For, look ye, Ladies; the Sen- 
tence of your Fortune does not fay that you fhall beg for Need, 
Hunger, or cold Neceility. If therefore you expofe yourfelves 
on Pleafure into it, you (hall abfolve your Deftiny, neverthe- 
Jefs, and cure your Father's Grief; I am overjoy 'd to think 
on't ; I am prepar'd already for the Adventure, and will with 
all Cortveniencics furnifh, and fet you forth ; give you Rules, 

and Diredtions, how I us'd to accoft Paflengers, with a- 

Gocd your good IP'crJhip ! the Gift of one f?nall Penny to a poor 
Cripple^ and even to blefs^ and rejlore it to you in Heaven. 

All. A Springlove^ a Springlove ! 

Spr. Follow me, Gallants, then, as chearful as [Birds 

wbt/tU without'] We are fummon'd forth. 

All. We follow thee. 

A I R XIV. 

Mer. To you, dear Father, and our 

IVe bid a foort Adieu : 
The tempting Frolick has 

By Force of being New. 
Bui let not that your Patience vex^ 
For^ dear Papa^ yiu know our Sex. 

With a tal, la, &c. 

Rach. Nor bope^ good Sir, to fpare your Cojl, 

Nor think our Fortune's paid', 
No Woman yet was ever lojl, 

Tho femethnes foe's mif- laid : 
For when the Pleafure turns to Pain. 
Bf fure wJhaHftm* home again. 

With a fal, la, fcfr. 



Ihe End of the Fir/? ACT. 



ACT 



i8 The JOVIAL CREW. 



A C T II. SCENE I. 

SCENE continues. 

Enter Randal with a Bag of Money in Ms Hand. 
Rand. "\ T 7" E L L, go thy ways ! if ever any juft and chnri- 
V V table Steward was commended, furely thou fhalt 
be at the laft Quarter-day. Here's five-and- 
twenty Pounds for this Quarter's Beggars Charge : And (if he 
return not by the End of this Quarter) here's Order to a Friend 
to fupply for the next. - If I now fhould venture for the 
Commendation of an unjuft Steward, and turn this Money to 
my own Ufe? Ha! dear Devil tempt me not ! I'll do thee 
Service in a greater Matter ; but to rob the Poor (a poor Trick) 
every Church-Warden can do't. - Now fomething whifpers 
me, that my Mailer, for his Steward's Love, will fupply the 
Poor, as I may handle the Matter - then I rob the Steward, 
if I reftore him not the Money at his Return. - Away, 
Temptation : leave me ! I'm frail P'lefh, yet I will fight with 
thee. But fay the Steward never return -- Oh ! but he will 
return ! -- Perhaps he may not return. - Turn from me, 
Satan ! ftrive not to clog my Confcience. -- 1 would not 
have this Weight upon me for all thy Kingdom. 

Enter Hearty finglng, and Oldrents. 

AIR XV. 

Let Pleafure go round, 
Let us laugh and feng, let us laugh andfmg, Boys f 

Let Humour abound, 
And Joy fill the Day. 

If Sorrow intrude, 

Drive it out again, drive it out again, Boys f 
If by Griefs we're purfud, 
Let us drink 'em away : 
The Pleafure cf Wine 
Makes a Mortal divine ; 
For get but a Bottle once into your Noddle, 
No Power, or Art, 
Canjuch Virtue impart, 
For raifmg the Spirits, and cheering the Heart. 

Remcm- 



JOVIAL CREW. 19 

Remember, Sir, your Covenant to be merrv. 

Old. I ftrive, you fee, to be fo. 13 ut do you fee yon 

Fellow ? 

Heart. I never noted him fo fad before ; he neither lings, 
nor whittles. 

Old. Why, how now, Randal! where's Springhvt? 

Rand. Here's his Money, Sir ; I pray that I be charg'd with 
it no longer. The Devil and I have ftrain'd Courtefy thefe 

two Hours about it. 1 would not be corrupted with the 

Truft of more than is my own. Mr. Steward gave it me, Sir, 
to order it for the Beggars : He has made me Steward of the 
Barn, and them ; while he is gone, he fays, a Journey, to 
furvey and meafure Lands abroad about the Countries j fome 
Purchafe, I think, for your Worfhip. 

Old. I know his meafuring of Land ! He's gone his old 
Way, and let him go. Am not I merry, Hearty? 

Heart. Yes, but not hearty merry. 

Old. The Poor's Charge fhall be mine : Carry you the Money 
to one of my Daughters to keep for Springlove. 

Rand. I thank your Worfhip. [Exit. 

Old. He might have ta'en his Leave, tho'. 

Heart. I hope he's run away with fome large Truft : I never 
lik'd fuch demure, down-look'd Fellows. 

Old. You are deceiv'd in him. 

Heart. If you be not, 'tis well. But this is from the 

Covenant. 

Old. Well, Sir, I will be merry: I'm refolv'd to force my 

Spirit only unto Mirth. Shou'd I hear now, my Daughters 

were mif-led, or run away, I would not fend a Sigh to fetch 
'em back. 

Heart. T'other old Song for that. 

A I R XVI. 

There was an old Fellow at VValtham-Crofs, 
Who merrily fung when be liv d by the Lofs. 
He cheer 'd up bis Heart -when bis Goods went to. rack, 
With a Hem ! Boys, Hem ! and a Cup of old Sack. 

Old. Is that the Way on't ? Well, it {hall be mine then. 

Enter Randal. 

Rand, My Miftrefles are both abroad, Sir. 
Old. How ! fmce when ? 

C 2 Rand. 



2 tte JOVIAL CREW. 

Randj On Foot, Sir, two Hours fince, with the two Gen- 
tlemen their Lovers. Here's a Letter they left with the Butler ', 
and there's a Muttering in the Houfe. 

Old. I will not read, nor open it, but conceive within my* 
felf the worft that can befall them ; that they are loft, and no 
more mine. Grief fhall lofe her Name, where I have Being, 
and Sadnefs from my fartheft Foot of Land, while I have Life, 
be banifh'd. 

Heart What's the Whim now? 

Old. My Tenants (hall fit Rent-free, for this TweVemonth, . 
and all my Servants have their Wages doubled ; and fo fhall be 
my Charge in Houfe-keeping : I hope my Friends will find 
and put me to't. 

Heart. For them, I'll be your Undertaker, Sir. But this 
is ever-done ! I don't like it. 

Old. And for thy News, the Money that thou haft, is now 
thy own : I'll make it good to Springlove. Be fad with it, and 
leave me j for. I tell thee I'll purge my Houfe of ftupid Melan- 
choly. 

Rand. I'll be as merry, as the Charge that's under me. 
[A confused Noifc of finging and laughing without.] 
The Beggars, Sir ! d'ye hear them in the Barn ? 

Old. I'll double their Allowance too; that they may double 
their Numbers, and increafe their Noife. 

Rand. Now you are fo nigh, Sir, if you'll look in, I doubt 
not, but you'll find 'em at their high Feaft already. 

Heart. Pray let's fee 'em, Sir. 

Old. With all my Heart. [Exeunt. 

SCENE draws^ and difcovers the Beggars. 
Re-enter Cldrents, Hearty, and Randal. 

Ml Beg. Blefs his Worfhip ! his good Worfhip ! Blefs his 
Worfhip ! 

i Beg. Man. Come, Friends, let us give his Worfhip a Tafte 

of our Mirth ! Hem !' Let us fing the Part-Song that I 

made for you, that which contains all our Characters, I mean 
thofe we had in better Times : There is not fuch a Collection 
of Oddities, perhaps, ia all Europe. Hem ! be filent there ! 



A I R 



JOVIAL CREW. 21 
A I R XVII, 

1 Beg. Man. / once was a Poet at London, 

/ k&p my Heart Jlill full of Glee ; 

Tliere's no Man can fay that I'm undone^ 

For Begging'* no new Trade to me. 

Tol derol, fcfrr, 

2 Beg. Man. I was once an Attorney at Law, 

And after, a Knight of the Port : 
Give me a brijk Wench in c ! ean Straw, 
fad / value not who rules the Roajl. 
Tol derol, &c. 

3. Beg. Man. Make room for a. Soldier in Buff, 

Who -valiantly Jlrutted about ; 
"Till he fancy d the Peace breaking off \ 
'And then he mo ft wifely fold out. 

Tol derol, &c. 

4 Beg. Man. Here comes a Courtier polite, Sir, ' 

Who flatter d my Lord to his Face\ 
Noiv Railing is all his Delight^ Sir 9 
Becaufc he mifsd getting a Place. 

Tol derol, feft> 

5 Beg. Man. I Jlill am a merry Gut-Scraper, 

My Heart never yet felt a 
Tho' poor, 1 can fro lick and vapour , 
Andfmg any Tune^ but a Pfalm. 

Tol derol, fcfr. 

Beg, Man. J was a Fanatical Preacher, 

/ turrid up my Eyes when 'I prayd\ 
But my Hearers had half-Jfarv'd their Teacher* 
For they believ'd not one Jf/ord that I faid. 
Tol derol, &V. 

1 Beg. Man. Wbqfer. won' d be merry and free, 

Let bint lift, and from us be may learn: 
In Palaces who fnall you fee, 

Halffo happy as we in a Barn ! 

Tol derol, ffc. 

A Lance of Beggars. 

Old. 



22 The JOVIAL CREW. 

Old. Good Heaven ! how merry they are ! 

Heart. Be not you fad at that. 

Old. Sad, Hearty ! no ; unlefs it be with Envy at their full 
Happinefs. What is an Eftate of Wealth and Power, balanc'd 
with their Freedom ? 

Heart. I have not fo much Wealth to weigh me down, nor 
fo little, I thank Chance, as to dance naked. 

All Beg. Blefs his Worfliip ! his good Worfhip ! Blefs his 
Worfliip. [Exeunt Beggars. 

Heart. How think you, Sir ? or what ? or why d'ye think at 
all, unlefs on Sack> cr Supper-time ! D'ye fall back ? D'ye riot 
know the Danger of Relapfes ? 

Old. Good Hearty! thou miftak'ft me : I was thinking upon 
this Patrico, and that he has more Soul than a born Beggar 
in him. 

Heart. Rogue enough though, I warrant him. 

Old. Pray forbear that Language. 

Heart* Will you then talk of Sack, that can drown Sighing? 
Will you in to Supper, and take me there your Gueft ? or muft 
I creep into the Barn ameng your welcome ones ? 

Old. You have rebuk'd me timely, and moft friendly. [Exit. 

Heart. Would all were well with him ! [Exit. Pztrico follows, 

Rand. It is with me. 

A I R XVIII, 

What, tho' thefe Guineas bright. Sir, 

Be heavy in my-Bag ; 
My Heart hjlill the lighter, 
The more my Pockets fivag : 
Let mufty Fools 
Find out by Rules 
That Money Sorrow brings ; 
Yet none can think 
How I love their Chink j 
Ala*) poor Things. [Exit, 

SCENE the Fields. 
. Enter Vincent and Hilliard in their Rags. 

Hill. Is this the Life we admired in others, with Envy of 
their Happinefs ? ' 

Vine. Pray let us make a virtuous Ufe of it, by fleering our 

Courfe homewards. Before I'll endure fuch another 

Night 

Hill 



The JOVIAL CREW, 23 

ill What wou'dft thou do ? I wifli thy Miftrefs heard thee ! 

Vine. I hope fhe does not ; for I know there is no altering 
our Courfe before they make the firft /Motion ; but 'tis ftrange 
\vc fhou'd be weary already, and before their fofter Canftitution 
of Flefh and Blood. 

Hill. They are the ftronger in Will, it feems. 

A I R XIX. 

Tho 1 Women, % tis true, are but tender* 

Yet Nature does Strength fupply: 
Their Will is toojlrong to furrender^ 

They're objlinate flill 'till they die. 
In vain you attack 'em with Reajon, 

Tour Sorrows you only prolong ; 
Difputing is always Higb-Trcajon y 

No Woman was e'er in th* Wrong. 
Tour only Relief is to bear ; 

And when you appear content t 
Perhaps^ in Compajjion, the Fair 

May perfuade berfelf'into Confent, 

Enter Springlove. 

Spr. How, now, Comrades ! repining already at your Fulneff 
of Liberty ! Do you complain of Eafe ? 

Vine. Eafe call'ft thou it ! Didft thou fleep to-night ? 

Spr. Not fo well thefe eighteen Months, 1 fwear, fince my 
laft Walks. 

Hill. Lightning and Tempeft is out of thy Litany. Cou'd 
not the Thunder wake thee ? 

Spr. Ha, ha, ha. 

Vine. Nor the Noife of the Crew in the Quarter by us ? 
Well ! never did Knights- Errant in all Adventures, merit more 
of their Ladies, than we Beggars-Errant, or Errant-Beggars, 
do of ours. 

Spr. The greater will be your Reward, think upon that: 
And fhew no Manner of Diftafte, to turn their Hearts from 
you : You are undone then. 

Vine. Are they ready to appear out of their Privy Lodgings 
in the Pig's Palace of Pleafure? Are they coming forth ? 

Spr. I left 'em almoft ready, fitting on their Pads of Straw, 
helping to drefs each other's Head ; the one's Eye, is t'others 
Looking-Glafs ; with the prettieft Coyle they keep to fit their, 
Fancies in the moft graceful Way of wearing their ne\v DrefT- 
ing that you wou'd admire. 

5 Vine. 



24 *Ebe JOVIAL CREW. 

Vine. I hope we are as gracefully fet out, are we not ? 
Spr. Indifferent well. But will you fall to Practice ? Let me 
hear how you can Maund, when you meet with PafTengers. 
Hill. We do not look like Men, I hope, too good to learn. 
Spr. Let me inftrud you, though. 

[Spring, inftrufts them. 



Enter Rachel and Meriel in Rags. 

Rack. Have a care, good Meriel ; what Hearts or Limbs fo- 
cver we have, and tho' never fo feeble, let us fet our belt Faces 
on't, and laugh our laft Gafp out, before we difcover any Dif- 
like, or Wearinefs to them. Let us bear it out 'till they com- 
plain firft, and beg to carry us home a-Pick a-Pack. 

Mer. I am forely tir'd with Hoofing it already, and fo crampt 
with our hard Lodging in the Straw, that 



AIR XX. 

Did our Jiglnng Lovers know, 
What a Pain we undergo ; 
Sweeter wou'd their Wooing prove. 
Shorter TV ere the Way to Love. 
Unkind Commands when they obey, 
We fujfcr more, much more than they : 
dnd to rebel, were kinder Jl ill, 
"Than to obey againft our Will. 



Rath. Think not on't. I am numb'd i'th' Shoulders too, a 
little; and have found the Difference between a hard Floor, 
with a little Straw, and a Down Bed with a Quilt upon't. 
But no Words, nor a four Look, I pr'ythee. 

Hill. O ! here they are ! Madam Few-chaths, and my Lady 
. Bonny-rag. 

Vine. Peace ! they fee us. 



1 Ha, ha, ha ! We are glad you are fo merry ! 

Vine. Merry, and lufty too: This Night will we lie toge- 
ther, as well as the proudeft Couple in the Barn. 

Spr. What ! do we come for this ? Laugh and lie down 
when your Bellies are full ! Remember, Ladies, you have not 



begg'd 



T&e ] o v i- A L CREW. 25 

begs'd y et to quit your Dcfwiy: but have lived hitherto on my 
Endeavours. Who got your Supper, pray, 4aft Night, but I ? 
of dainty Trencher-Fees from a Gentleman's Houfe, fuch as 
the Serving-men themfelves, fometimes wou'd have been glad 
of: And this Morning now, 1 what comfortable Chippings, and 
fvveet Butter-milk, had you to Breakfaft ! 

Rach. O ! 'twas excellent ! I feel it good ftill, here. 

Mer. There was a brown Cruft amongfl it, that has made 
my Neck fo white, mcthinks ! Is it not, Rachel? 

Racb. Yes, yes, you gave me none on't ; you ever covet to 
have all the Beauty. 

A I R XXI. 

No Woman her Envy can fmotber> 

Tho never fo vajn of her Charms ; 
ff a Beauty Jhe fpies in another, 

The. Pride of her Heart it alarms. 
New Conquers foe ftill mujl be making^ 

Or fancies her Povjcr grown lefs : 
Her poor little Heart is ftill aching, 
At Sight ff- another's Succefs* 
But Nature def,gn'd, 
In Love to Mankind, 
That different Beauties JJjould move | 
Still pleas' d to ordain, 
None ever Jbould reign. 
Sole Monarch in Empire or Love. 
Then harn to beiuife, 
New Triumphs defpife, 
And leave to your Neighbours their Due j 
If one can V pleafe, 
Toil '// find by Degrees, 
You II not be contented with two. 

Vine. They are plcas'd, aad never like to bs weary. 
Hill. No more muft we, if we'll be theirs. 
Spr. Peace ! here comes Paflengers ; forget not your Rules, 
quickly difperfe yourfclves, and fall to your Calling. [Exeunt. 



Enter Oliver. 

Father, the worfhip- 

._. j ..., ... fe , Oldrents^ in fearch of 

my Coufin An tie, who is run away with Martin, my Father's 
Clerk, and Hearty & Nephew, juft when fhe fhould have been 
coupled to another : My Buiinefs requires Haile ; but my Plea- 



01. Let me fee \ here I am fent by my , _..- 

ful Jufticc C/act, in great Hafte, to Mr. Oldrents^ in fearch of 



D 



JOVIAL CREW. 

fure, and all the Search that I intend is, by hovering here, to 
take a Review of a Brace of the handfomeft Beggar- Wenches, 
that ever grac'd Ditch, or Hedge-fide : I paft by 'cm in Hafte, 
but fomething fo poflefles me, that I muft What the Devil 
muft I ? A Beggar ! why, Beggars are Flefli and Blood, and 
Rags are no Difeafes ; and there is wholfomer Flefh under 
Country Dirt, than City Painting. 

Enter Rachel and Meriel. 

Oh ! here they come ! they are delicately fkin'd and limb'd * 
now they fpy me. 

Racb. Sir, I befecch you look upon us with the Favour of a 
Gentleman. We are iu a prefent Diftrefs, and utterly unac- 
quainted in thefe Parts, and therefore forc'd by the Calamity 
of our Misfortunes, to implore the Courtefy, or rather Charity, 
of thcfe to whom we are Strangers. 

Ql. Very fine, this ! 

Mer. Be therefore pleas'd, right noble Sir, not 6nly valuing 
us by our outward Habits, which cannot but appear .loathfome 
or defpicable unto you, but as we are forlorn Chriftians, and in 
that Eftimation, be compaffionately mov'd. to caft a Handful or 
two of your Silver, or a few of your golden Pieces unto us, to 
furnifh us with Linen, and fome decent Habiliments. 

Ol. They beg in a high Strain ! Sure they are mad, or be- 
v/itch'd into a Language they underftand not. The Spirits of 
fome decay'd Gentry talk in 'em, fure. 

Racb. 'May we expect a gracious Anfwer from you, Sir ? 

Mer. And that as you can wifh our Virgin Prayers to be 
propitious for you, 

A I R XXIL 

Rach. Of may your Mijlrcfs ne er deny, 

T^be &nit, which you Jhall humbly movff 

Mer. And may the fair eft Virgins vie, 

And be ambitious of your Love I 

R ach. If Honour lead, 

M er. May you fucceed, 

Rach. By Love infpir d, with Conqueft crc-ivnd. 

M e r . And when yo u iced, 

Rach. Your Bridal Bed 

Both. ^ With Wealth, and endlcfs Joys abound. 

Ol. This exceeds all that ever I heard, and ftrikcs me into 

Wonder. Pray tell me how long you have been Beggars ? or 

how chanced you to be fo? 

Racb. 



JOVIAL CREW. 2^ 

Rack. By Influence of our Stars, Sir. 
! Mer. We were born to no better Fortune. 

Ol. How came you to talk, and fing thus ? and fo much 
above the Beggar's Dialed ? 

Rach. Our Speech came naturally to us ; and we ever lov'd 
to learn by Rote, as well as we cou'd. 

Mer. And to be ambitious above the Vulgar, to afk more 
than common Alms, whate'er Men pleafe to give us. 

OL Sure fome well- Jifpos'd Gentleman, as myfelf, got thefe 
Wenches. They are too well grown to be my own, and I cannot 
be inceftuous with 'cm. 

Rach. Pray, Sir, your noble Bounty. 

Old. What a tempting Lip that little Rogue moves there \ 
2nd what an inciting Eye, the other ! 

To Rach. Come hither, pretty Maid, with a black rolling Eye : 
Afide. What a Look was there ! does all my Senfes charm. 
To Mcr. Come hither, pretty Dear, for I Jwear, I long to try 

A little, little Love, which will do thee, Child, no Harm. 
To Rach. That Air, that Grace, 
To Mer. That lovely Milk-white Skin ! 

~ , ,, j Ob ! which Jhall I embrace ? 



Oh I where Jhall I begin! 
f Far if IJlay 

^ ^ of ^ t 



A f d < o cm mil wooe 

I I had better run away, 

L Than deal at once with two. 

What's this ? a Flea upon thy Bofom ? 

Mer. Is it not a ftraw-colour'd one, Sir ? 

01. O what a provoking Skin is there ! That very Touch in- 
flames me. 

Rach. Can nothing, Sir, move yon, our Sorrows to mend? 

Have you nothing to g : ?ve ? Have you nothing to lend? 
Mer. Toufee the fad Fate we poor Damfels endure, 

Can't Charity mov- you to grant us a Cure ? 
Rach. My Heart does fo heave, I'm afraid it will break ! 

Of Victuals we've fcarce had a Morfel this Week. 
Mer. How hard is your Heart ! bow unkind is your Eye ! 

If nothing can move you, good Sir, to comply. 
|3oth. Hoiu bard is your Heart, &c. 

Rach. Are you mov'd in Charity towards us yet ? 

Ol- Mov'd ! I am mov'd ; no Flefh and Blood more mov'd. 

fifer. Then, pray Sir, your Benevolence. 

D 2 01. 



2$ *Tbe JOVIAL CREW. 

01. Benevolence ! which fhall 1 be benevolent to ? or which 
firft ? I am puzzled in the Choice. Wou'd fome fworn Brother 
of mine were here to draw a Cut with me. 

Racb Sir, noble Sir. 

Ol. Firll let me tell you, Damfels, I am bound by a flrong 
Vow to kifs all of your Sex I meet this Morning. 

Mer. Beggars and all, Sir ! 

Ol. AH, all ; let not your Cpyrjefs crofs a Gentleman's Vow, 
I befeech you. [Kffis them both, 

' Mer. You'll tell now. 

Fair Maidens, Of beware 

Of ufmg Men too well ! 
Their Pride is all tbeir Care, 

'J'bey only kifs to tell. 
How bard the Virgin's Fate / 

While ev'ry Way undone ; 
The Coy grow out of Date, 

They're ruind, if they re won. 

OL Tell, quotha! I could tell a thoufand on thofe Lips, 
and as many upon thofe. - What Life-reftorino Breaths they 
have ! Milk, from the Cow deems not fo fweetly. -- 1 mull lay 
pne of them aboard ; both, if my Tackling hold. 

Rach. Mer. Sir! Sir! 

01. But how to, bargain, now, will be the Doubt : They 
that beg fo high," as by theHandfuls, may expecl for Price, 
above the Rate of good Men's Wives. 

Racb. Now will you, Sir, be pleas'd ? 

pi. With all my Heart, Sweet ! and I am glad thou 
wiy Mind - Here's Twelve- pence for you. 

Racb. Afar. We thank you. Sir. 

Ol That's but as Earneit : I'll jert away the reft with you. 
Look here ! ail this Come, you know my Meaning. 



Rach. IVoiidyiii bnrt a tender Creature, 

Whom your Charity ficu'dfttve ? 
Mer. Is it in your gentle Nature, 

Thus to triumph o'er a Slave ? 
Rach. fy f , for jhome, Sir ! 

Mer. You re to blame. Sir ; 

Can your Worjhip Jloop fo low ? 
Rach. fbo' you're above me y 
MTi 'Twill lehove me, 

Stal to affwer, A r o, no, no / 
Bofh. t:U to anfwcr, No, no, no / 

Mer. 



The JOVIAL CREW. 29 

Mer. All your Gold can never buy me, 

(Jr from Virtue Jet me free: 
Rach. Thou art meaner, thus to try me\ 

Poorer, bafer far than we, 
Mer. Ladies gay, Sir, 

Rach. May fport and play, Sir; 

But foe that's, poor, and honejl too, 
Mer. May nobler be, 

Rach. Than the proudejl She, 

While thus Jhe anfwers, No, no, no ! 

While thus Jhe anfwers, No, no, no ! 
Both. Ladies gay, Sir, &c. 

Enter Springlove, Vincent and Hiiliard, 

Vin. Let's beat his Brains out. 

Ol. Come, leave your fqucaking. 

Spr. O ! do not hurt 'em, Malter. 

Ol. Hurt 'em ! I mean 'em but too well Shall I be fo 

prevented ? 

Spr. They be but young, and fimple; and if they have of- 
fended, let not your Worihip's own Hands drag 'em to the 
Lav/, or carry 'em to Puniihment : Correct 'em not yourfelf, 
it is the Beadle's Office. 

OL D'ye talk ] Shag-rag? 

mi. I Sha s-s ! 

\0jfer to beat him with their Crutches-, he runs off*. 
Rach. Look ypu here, Gentlemen, Six-pence a-picce J 
Aler. Befides fair Offers, and large Promifes. What have 
you got To-day, Gentlemen ? 

Vine. More than ( as we are Gentlemen ) we wou'd have taken. 
Hill. Yet we put it up in your Service ! 

r^/.' r Ha, ha, ha.! Switches and Kicks ! Ha, ha, ha ! 

Spr. Talk not here of your Gettings, we muft quit this 
Quarter : The eager Gentleman's Repulle may arm, and return 
him with Revenge upon us ; we muft therefore leap Hedge^ 
and Ditch, till we cfcape out of this Liberty, to our next Ren- 
dezvous, where we (hall meet the Crew, and then } Hey-tofs ! 
and laugh all Night. 

Mer. As we did laft Night. 

Rack. Hold out, Mericl. 

Mer. Lead on, brave General. 

Vine. What {hall we do ? they are in Heart ftill : Shall we 
go on ! 

///'//. There's no flinching back, you fee. 

Enter 



3Q *Tke JOVIAL CREW. 

Enter Martin and Amic, in poor Habits. 

Spr. Stay, here comes more Paflengers; fingle yourfelvcs 
again, and fall to your Calling, clifcreetly. 

Hill. I'll fingle no more ; If you'll beg in full Cry, I am 
for you. 

Mer. Ay, that will be fine ! let's charm all together. 

Spr. Stay firft and liften a little. 

Mar. Be of good cheer, Sweetheart, we have efcaped hi- 
therto, and I believe that all the Search is now retired, and 
we may fafely pafs forward. 

Am. I fhould be fafe with thee. But that's a moft lyinn; Pro- 
verb that fays, Where Love is, there is no Lack. I am faint, and 
cannot travel further without Meat j and it" you lov'd me, you 
\vou'd get me fome. 

MM-. We'll venture at the next Village to call for fome; 
the bed is, we want no Money. 

Am. We fhall betaken then, I fear; I'll rather pine to Death. 

A I R XXVI. 

The tuneful Lark, who from her Nejl, 

Ere yet wetl-fledg'd, isjlofn away, 
With Care attended and carefsd, 

She fomctimes fwgs the live- long Day. 
Yet Jlill her native Fields /he mourns, 
Her Gaoler hates, his Kindnefs fcorns, 
For Freedom pants, for Freedom burn*. 
That darling Freedom once obtain d, 



Unjkill'd, untaught to fear ch for Prey, 
he mourns the Liberty Jhe gain d, 



She mourns the 

And hungry, pines her Hours away. 
Helplefs, the little Wand' rer flies ; 
Then homeward turns her longing Eyes, 
And warbling out her Grief, fhc dies. 

Mar. Be not fo fearful ; who can know us in thefe clownifh 
Habits ? 

Am. Our Cloaths indeed are poor enough to beg with ; wou'd 
I cou'd beg, fo it were of Strangers that cou'd not know me, 
father than buy of thofe that wou'd betray us. 

Mar. And yonder be fome that can teach us. 

Spr. Thefe are the young Couple of run-away Lovers dif- 
gui.fcd, that the Country is fo laid for : obferve, and follow 
now. Good loving Meafter and Meeftrefs, your bleiTcd Cha- 
rity to the Poor, who have no Houfe, nor Home, no Health, 
no Help, but your fv/eet Charity. 

Mer. No Bands, or Shirts, to keep us from the Cold. 



JOVIAL CREW. Jt 

Hill. No Smocks, or Petticoats to hide our Scratches. 
Vine. No Skin to ourFlefh, nor Flefh to our Bones, fhortly* 
Rack. No Shoes to our Legs, or Hofe to our Feet. 

A 1 & XXVII. 

Mer. Ob ! turn your Eyes on me, and view my Dijlrefs / 
Did you know my bard Fate, you would pity my Cafe, 
Such a kind-hearted Gentleman fur e woiid grant ', 
To a tender young Virgin, whatever Jbe did want. 

A I R XXVIII. 

Hill. My Story, gentle Lady, bear, 

I am a wealthy Farmer's Son ; 
JVbo once coud gay and rich appear j 

But now by Love I am undone. 
Reducd to Want and ffretchednefsj 

Andjlarvd mufi be, 
Unlefs you grc*nt to my Dijlrefs 

Your Charity. 
Still cold and hungry I mujl pine, 

Thefe Rags declare my Mifery. 
Ob ! let your gentle Heart incline^ 

To eafe a Wretch's Mifery. 

A I R XXIX. 

Vine. / like a Gentleman didlive^ 

I ne'er did beg before ; 
Somefmall Relief you fure might give^ 
That would not make you poor. 

A I R XXX. 

Rach. My Daddy is gone to his Grave ; 

My Mother lies under a Stone ; 
And never a Penny I have, 

Alas ! I am quite undone. 
My Lodging is in the cold Air, 

And Hrtnger is Jharp, and bites', 
A little Sir, good Sir,fpare, 

To keep me warm o' Nights. 

Spr. Good worfhipful Meafter and Meeflrefs 

Mar. Good Friend, forbear, here's no Meafter nor Meeftrefs, 

we are poor Folks ; thou feeft no Worfhip upon our Backs, 

I'm fure ; and for within, we want as much as you, and would 

as willingly beg, if we knew how as well. 

Spr. Alack for Pity ! you may 'have enough ; and what I 

have is yours, if you'l^ accept it. 'Tis wholefome Food, from 
4 a good 



32 The JOVIAL CREW* 

a good Gentleman's Gate AJas ! good Mceftrefs much 

good do your Heart ! How fuvourly {he feeds ! 

Mar. What, do you mean to poifon yourfelf ? 

Am. Do you {hew Love, in grudging me ? 

Mar. Nay, if you think it hurts you not, fall to, I'll not 
beguile you. And here, mine Heft, fomething towards your 
Reckoning. 

Spr. Nothing by way of Bargain, gentle Mafter; 'tis againft 
Order, and will never thrive : But pray, Sir, your Reward in 
Charity. ' 

Mer. Here then, in Charity. This Fellow wou'd never 

make a irod Clerk. 

Spr. What ! all this, Mafter ? 

Am. What is it ? Let me fee it. 

Spr. 'Tis a v/hole Silver Three-pence, Miftrefs. 

Am. For fhame ! ungrateful Miler. Here, Friend, a 

Golden Crown for thee. 

Spr. Bountiful Goodnefs ! Gold ? 

Am. I have robb'd thy Partners of their Shares too, there's 3. 
Crown more for them. 

All. Duly and truly pray for you. 

Mar. What have you done r Icfs wou'd have fcrv'd ; and 
your Bounty will betray us. 

Am. Fy on your wretched Policy ! 

Spr. No, no, good Mailer ; I knew you all this while, and 
my fwcet Miftrefs too. And now I'll tell you, the Search fe 
every Way, the Country all laid for you, it's well you ftaid here. 
Your Habits, were they but a little nearer our Fafhron, wou'd 
fecure you with us. But are you married, Mafter and Miftrefs ? 
Are you join'd in Matrimony ? In Heart, I know you are. 
And I will (if it pleafe you) for your great Bounty, bring you 
to a Curate that lacks no Licenfe, nor has any Living to lofe, 
that (hall put you together. 

Mar. Thou art a heavenly Beggar ! 

Spr. But he is fo fcrupulous, and feverely precife, that un- 
lefs you, Miftrefs, will affirm that you are with Child by the 
Gentleman, that you have at leaft flept together, he will not 
marry you. But if you have lain together, then 'tis a Cafe 
of Necefiity, and he holds himfelf bound to do it. 
1 Mot-* You may fay you have. 

Am. I would not have it fo, nor make that Lye againft my- 
ielf, for all the World. 

Is there on Earth a Pleffure^ 

Dearer than Virtue s Fame ? 
In I'ciins the real Treafure, 

have loll the Name* 

fbtn 



T/je JOVIAL CREW. j 

, Then let each Maid maintain it, 

'Twill ajk the nice/I Care ; 
Once loft foe II neer regain it j 

All all is then Defpair. 

Spr. That I- like well, and her exceedingly. 
Afar. I'll do that for thee, ' thou fhalt never beg more. 
Sbr. That cannot be purchafed fcarce, for the Price of your 
Miurefs. Will you walk, Mailer ? We ufe no Compli- 
ments. 

All. Duly and truly pray for you. \Exeunt. 

SCENE Oldrents' Houfe. 

Enter Oldrents and Hearty. 

Heart. Come, come, Sir, this Houfe is grown too melan- 
choly for you, we muft e'en vary the Scene, and pay a Vifit to 
your merry Neighbour Juftice Clack ; his good Humour will 
ftrenothen mine, and help me drive old Care away. 

Old. Good Hearty, you have kindly undertaken my Cure, 
and mail find me a tractable Patient. 

Heart. T'other old Song for that, and then for the Juftice. 

A I R XXXII. 

I rdadf. Love to Kate, long I f.gtidfor Jhf 9 

'Till I beard of late /he d a mind to me. 

I met her on the Green in her bejl Array ; 

So pretty fhe did feem, Jhs ftole my Heart away. 

() then we kifi d and prtfs d \ were we much to blame? 

Had you been in my Place, you'd have done the fame. 

As I fonder grew ft)e began to prate, 
Quoth foe ril marry you, if you iviil marry Kate ; 
But then I laugh'' 'd andfwore I lovdher more than fa, 
For tied each to a Rope s End 'tis tugging to and fro : 
Again w<e kifid and pr eft ; were we much to blame ? 
Had you been in my Place, .youd have done the fame. 

Then jhe figtid, and f aid, Jhe was wondrous fak ; 
Dicky Katy led, Kzty fa led Dick. 
Long we toyd and play d under yonder Cak, 
Katy loft the Game, though Jhe play d in joke : 
For there we did alas ! what I dare not name j 
Had you been in my Place, you'd have done the fame. 

Fd, Ial 9 &c. 
The End of the Second Aft. 

E ACT 



34- ^ je JOVIAL CREW* 



ACT III. SCENE I. 

SCENE a Wood. 

Enter Amie, Rachel, and Meriel. 

Am. T T 7 E L L, Ladies, my Confidence in you, that you 

YY are the fame that you have protefted yourfelves to 

be, hath fo far won upon me, that I confefs 

myfelf well affected both to the Mind and Perfon of that 

Sprlnglove ; and if he be (as fairly as you pretend) a Gentle- 

man, I fhall eafily difpenfe with Fortune. 

Jl c ' t He is a Gentleman, upon our Honours ! 

Am. How well that high Engagement fuits your Habits ! 

Racb. Our Minds and Blood are ftill the fame. 

Am. I have paft no Affiance to the other, that ftole me from 
my Guardian, and the Match he would have forced me to ; 
from which I would have fled with any, or without a Guide. 
Befides, to offer to marry me under a Hedge, without a Book 
or Ring, by the Chaplain of the Beggars Regiment, you* 
Patrico, only to fave Charges, was a Piece of Gallantry I mall 
not eafily excufe. 

Racb. I have not feen the Wretch thefe three Hours i whither 
is he gone ? 

' Am. He told me, to fetch Horfe and fit Raiment for us, fo 
to Poft me hence ; but I think it was to leave me on your 
Hands. 

Mer. He has taken fome great Diftafte fure, for he is very 
jealous. 

Rack. Ay ! didft thou mark what a wild Look he caft, 
, when Spring/give tumbled her, and kifs'd her on the Straw this 



A I R 



JOVIAL CREW. 35 

A I R XXXIII. 

Jealoufy? like a Canker-worm? 

Nips the tender Floivr of Love ; 
Jealoufy, raging like a Storm, 

Pray'rs can't mollify? Tears can't move. 
Love is the Root of Pleafures and Joys j 
Jealoufy all its Fruit dejiroys : 
'Tis Love? Love? Jealoufy? Love 9 
Our Heavn or Helljlill prove. 

Enter Springlove, Vincent, and Milliard. 

But who comes here ? 

Spr. O Ladies ! you have left as much Mirth as v/ould have 
filled up a Week of Holidays. 

[Springlove takes Amie afule? and courts her in a genteel Way. 

Vine. I am come about again for the Beggar's Life, now.. 

Rach. You are ! I'm glad on't. 

Hill. There is no Life, but it. 

Rack, I am glad you are fo taken with your Calling. 

Mer. We are no lefs, i allure you ; we find the Sweetnefs 
of it now. 

Rach. The Mirth ! the Pleafure ! the Delights ! No Ladies 
Jive fuch Lives. 

A I R XXXIV. 

The' Ladies look gay? when of Beauty they loaft? 

And Mifers are envfd when Wealth is increased ? 
The Vapours oft kill all the Joys of a Toajl ? 

And the Mifer's a Wretch? when he pays for the. Feajl. 
The Pride of the Great? of the Rich? of the Fair? 

May Pity befpeak? but Envy cant move ; 

My Thoughts are no farther afpiring? 

No more my fond Heart is dejiring? 

Than Freedom? Content? and the Man that I love. 

Vine. They will never be weary. 

Hill. Whether we feem to like, or to diflike, ajl's one to 
them. 

Vine. We muft do fomething to betaken by, and difcovered, 
we fhall never be ourfelves, and get home again elfe. 

[Springlove and Amie come to there/?. 

Spr. I am yours for ever. Well, Ladies, y ju have mift rare 

Sporty thefe Beggars lead fuch merry Lives, as al.l the World 

E 2 might 



36 *fhe JOVIAL CREW. 

might envy. But here they come ; their Mirth few partake 
of, tho' their Vocation is in fome Meafure pra&ifed by all 
Mankind. 

Enter all the Beggars. 

A I R XXXV. 

Hill. 'That all Men are Beggar s, you plainly may fee y 
For Beggars there are of every Degree, 
Tho' none are fo bleft, or fo happy as we. 

Which no body can deny. 

Vine. 77',? Tradefman, he begs that bis IVares you ^uou'd buy j 
Then begs you'd believe the Price is not high ; 
And fw ears 'tis bis Trade, when he tells you a Lye. 
Which no body can deny. 

Hill. The Lawyer he begs you %vculd give him a Fee, 

Tho' he reads not your Brief \ and regards net your Plea ^ 
Then advifes your Foe how to get a Decree'. 

W^hich no body can deny. 

Mer. The Courtier, he begs for a Penfan, a Place, 
A Ribbon, a Title, a Smile from his Grace, 
'Tis due to his Merit, is writ in his Face. 

Which no body fhou'd deny. 

Rach. But if by Mijhab, he foou'd chance to get none, 
He begs you'd believe that the Nation s undone ; 
There's but one honejl Man And himfelf is that One* 
Which no body dares deny. 

Am. The Fair One who labours ^vhole Arfornings at home--). 
New Charms to create, and much Pains to confume^ 
Tet begs you'd believe 'tis her natural Bloom. 

Which no body fhou'd deny. 

Hill. The Lover he begs the dear Nymph to comply * 
S.he begs he'd be gene ; but her languifoing Eye 

Still begs he woudjiay for a Maid foe can't die. 

Which none but a fool wou'd deny. 

Enter Patrice. 

Pat. Alack and Welladay ! this is no Time to Ting, our 
Quarter is befet, we are all in the Net ; leave off your merry 
Gleg. 

Spr. Why, what's the Matter I 

I Within 



JOVIAL CREW. 37* 

Within. Bing awaft, bing awaft ; the Quear Cove, and the 
Harman-beck. 

Spr. We are befet indeed ! What {hall we do ? 

Vine. I hope we fhall be taken. 

Hill. If the good Hour be ceme, welcome be the Grace of 
good Fortune. 

Enter Sentwell, Gonftable, Watch. The Crew flip away. 

Sent. Befet the Quarter round ; be fure that none efcape, 

Spr. BlefTed Matter, to a many diftrefled. 

Se?it. A many counterfeit Rogues ! fo frolick and fo lament- 
able all in a Breath? You were dancing a:id finging but now, 
incorrigible Vagabonds ! If you expert any Mercy, own the 
Truth ; we are come to fearch for a young Lady, an Heirefs^ 
among you ; Where is fhe r What have you done with her ? 

Jm. Who do you want, Mr. Sentwell? 

Sent. Precious ! How did my Hafte overfee her ! O Miftrefe 
Amie ! cou'd I, or your Uncle Juftice Clack, a wifer Man than 
I, ever ha' thought to have found you in fuch Company ? 

Am. Of me, Sir, and my Company, I have a Story to de^ 
light you, which, on our March towards your Houle, I will 
relate to you. 

Sent. And thither will I lead you as ray Gueft, 
But to the Law furrender all the reft. 
I'll make your Peace. 

Am. We muft fare all alike. [Exeunt Sent, and Amie. 

Hi/I. Pray how are we to fare ? 

Rack. That's- as you behave. [Smiling* 

A I R XXXVJ. 

Hill. Sure, by that Smile my Pains are over ! 

Rach. Dent be too fure. 

Hill . Woudyou then kill a faithful Lsver ? 

Rach. Walt for your Cure. 

Hill. Women, regardlefs of cur Fate, 

Often prove kind, but kind too late. 

Rach. Women, alas! too foon furrender ! 
Hill. That 1 deny. 

Rach. Men off betray a Heart too tender. 
Hill. Take me and try. 

Rach. Love is a Tyrant, under ivhcfe Sway, 

They fuffer lea/?, who bejl obey. 

Both. Love />, &c. [Exeunt. 

SCENE 



3? Tt>e JOVIAL CREW, 

SCENE, Jujtice Clack'j Houfe. ' 
Enter Jujlice Clack, and Martin. 

Cla. I have forgiven you, provided that my Niece be fafely 
taken, and fo to be brought home fafely, I fay ; that is to fay, 
unftain/d, unblemifh'd, undifhonour'd ; that is to fay, with no 
more Faults, Criminal, or AccufitivCj than thofe (he carried 
with her. 

Mart. Sir, I believe 

Cla. Nay, if we both fpeak top-ether, hqw (hall we hear one 
another? You believe her Virtue is Armour of Proof, 
out your Council or your Guard, and therefore you left in 
the Hands of Rogues and Vagabonds, to make your ow -e 

with me : You have it, provided, I fay, (as I faid btf;;:e) that 
flie be fafe ; that is to fay, uncorrupted, undefiled 3 that; is to 
jay as I faid before. 

Mar. Mine Intent, Sir, and my only Way 

Cla. Nay, if we both fpeak together, how fhall we hear orvr 
another ? 

Enter Sentwell, 

O Matter Sentwell ! good News ! 

'Sent. Of beggarly 1 News, the beft you have heard. 

Cla. That is to fay, you have found my Niece among the 
Beggars ; that is to fay 

Sent. True, Sir, I found her among them. And they were 
contriving to act a Play among themfelves, juft as we furpriz'd 
'em, and fpoil'd their Sport. 

Cla. A Play ! are there Players among them ? I'll pay them 
above all the reft, 

Enter Randal, 

Rand. Sir, my Matter, Mr. Oldrents, and his Friend, Mr. 
Hearty^ are come to wait upon you, and are impatient to be- 
hold the Mirror of Juftices ; and if you come not at once, 
twice, thrice ! he's gone. 

Cla. Good Friend, I will fatisfy your Matter, without tell- 
ing him he has a faucy Knave to his Man. [Exit Clack. 

Rand. Thank your Worihip. 

Sent. Do you hear, Friend, you ferve Matter Oldrents, 

Rand. I cou'd ha' told you that. 

Sint. Your Name is Randal. 

Rand. 



JOVIAL CREW. 3^ 

land. Are you fo wife ? 

Sent. Ay ; and the two young Ladies, your Matter's Daugh- 
ters, with their Lovers, are hard by, at my Houfe. They 
directed me to find you, Randal, and bring you to 'em. 

Rand. Whaw, whaw, whaw, whaw ! Why do we not 

go taen ? 

tent. But fecretly, not a Word to any Body, for a Reafon 
I'll teli you. 

Rand. Mum. 

A I R XXXVII. 

The greateft Skill in Life, 
For avoiding Noife and Strife, 
Is to know when a Man Jhould'be Dumb, dumb, dumb. 

]4^hen a Kna-ve to gain bis End, 

Sifts you to betray your Friend, 
Let your Anfwer be only, Mum, mum, mum, 

Woud you try. to perfuade 

A pretty, -pretty Maid, 
As ripe as a Peach or a Plumb, Plumb^ Plumb ? 

Tou've nothing more to do, 

But to fwear you will be true, 
And then you may kifs ! but Mum, mum, mum. [Exeunt. 

Enter Clack, Oldrents, Hearty, Oliver, and Martin. 

Cla. A-hay ! Boy ; A'-hay ! this is right ; that is to fay, as I 
wou'd have it j that is to fay A-hay ! Boys ! a-hay ! they are 
as merry without as we are within. A-hay ! Mafter Cldrents, 
and a-hay ! Mafter Hearty ! and a-hay ! Son Oliver ! and a- 
hay ! Clerk Martin ! Clerk Martin ! the Virtue of your Com- 
pany turns all to Mirth and Melody j with a-hay trollolly, 
lolly, lolly, is't not fo, Mafter Hearty ? 

A I R XXXVIII. 

Heart. TJjere tuas a Maid, and Jhe went to the Mill, 

Sing Trolly, lolly, lolly, lolly, lo. 
The Mill turn'd round, but the Maid flood Jlilh 
Cla. Oh ho / did Jhe fo ? did jke ft ? did Jhe fo ? 

Heart. The Miller he kifs d her, away Jhe went ; 

Sing Trolly, &c. 

The Maid was well pleas' d, and the Miller content. 
Cla. O ho ! was heh, &c. 

Heart, 



JOVIAL CREW. 

Heart. He dancd and he fung^ ^vhile the Mill went Clack \ 

Sing Trolly, &c. 

And he cherijh'd his Heart with a Cup of old Sad* 
Cla. Ob ho ! did hffo, &c. 

Old. Why thus it fliou'd be ! now I fee you are a good Fel- 
low. 

Cla. Again Boys, again j that is to fay, A-hay Boys \ a- 
hay ! 

Old. But is there a Play to be expected and acted by' Beg- 
gars ? 

Cla. That is to fay, by Vagabonds ; that is to fay, by.ftroll- 
ing Players ; they are upon their Purgation ; if they can pre- 
fent any Thing to pleafe you, they may efcape the Law ; (that 
is, a-hay ! ) if not, To-morrow, Gentlemen, (hall be acted, 
Abufes ttript and whipt among 'em ; with a-hay, Matter Hearty, 
you are not merry. 

Enter Sentwell. 

And a-hay ! Matter Sentwell^ where are your Dramatis Per- 
fona: ? your Prologues ? and your Attus Primus ? Ha' they given 
you the Slip, for fear of the Whip ? A-hay ! 

Sent. A Word afide, an't pleafe you. 

Sentwell takes Clack a/ide, and gives him a Paper. 

Cla. Send 'em in, Matter Sentwell. [Exit Sent.] Sit, Gentle- 
men, the Players are ready to enter ; and here's a Bill of their 
Plays ; you may take your Choice. 

Ola'. Are they ready for them all in the fame Cloaths ? Read 
'em, good Hearty. 

Heart. Firtt, here's The Two loft Daughters. 

Old. Put me not in mind of the two loft Daughters, I pr'y- 
thee. What's the next ? 

Heart. The Vagrant Steiuard. 

Old. Nor of a Vagrant Steward j fure fome Abufe is meant 
me. 

Heart. Tlie Old S quire > and the Fortune-Teller . 
, Old. That comes nearer me ; away with it. 

Heart. The Beggar's Prophecy. 

OU. All thefe Titles may ferve to one Play of a Story that 
I know too well, I'll fee none of them. 

Heart. Then here's the Jovial Crew. 

Old. Ay, that ; and let 'em begin. 
See, a moft folemn Prologue ! 



JOVIAL CREW. 41 

Enter a Beggar, for the Prologue* 
A I R XXXIX. 

Beg. To Knight, to Squire, and to the Genteeh here,\ 
We wijh our Play may with Content appear \ 
We promife you no dainty JVit of Court, 
Nor City Pageantry, nor Country Sport ; 
But a plain Piece of Aftion, very Jhort and fweet, 
In Story true, you'll know it when you fee' t, [Exit. 

Old. True Stories and true Jefls, do feldom thrive on 
Stages. 

Cla. They are beft to pleafe you with this tho', or, a-hay ? 
with a Whip for them To- morrow* 

Old. Nay, rather than they fhall fuffer, I will be pleas'd 
let 'em play their worlr. 

Enter Patrico, with ift Begvdr, habited like Oldrents. 
See our Patrico, among 'em. 

Pat. Your Childrens Fortunes I have told, 

Now hear the Reafon whyj 
That they fhall beg, ere they be old> 
Is their juft Deftiny., 

Your Grandfather, by crafty Wile, 

An Heir of half his Lands, 
By fhamelefs Fraud did much beguile, 

Then left them to your Hands. 

I Beg. That was no Fault of mine, nor of my Children. 
Old. Doft note this, Hearty ? 

Heart. You faid you would be pleas'd, let 'em play their 
worft. 

[ifl: Beggar walks fadly, beats his Breajl, &c.J 

Enter 2d Beggar, drejjed like Hearty, andfeems to comfort him. 

Old. It begins my Story, and by the fame Fortune-teller 
that told me my Daughter's Fortunes aimed in the fame Words; 
and he fpeaks in the Play to one that pcrfonates me, as near as 
they can fet him forth. 

Cla. How like you it, Sir ? You feem difpleas'd j fhall they 
be whipp'd yet ? 'A-hay ! if you fay the Word- 



42 T/v JOVIAL CREW* 

Old. O ! by no means, Sir ! I am pleas'd. 

2 J5<?. Sad, for the Words of a bafe Fortune-teller ? BelievC 
him ! hang him ; I'll truft none of 'em. They have all Whims, 
and double Meanings in all they fay. 

Old. Whom does he talk, or look like, now ? 

Heart. It is no rhattcr whom ; you are pleas'd, you fay- 

2 Beg. Ha' you no Sack i'th' Houfc ? Am not I here ? And 
never without a merry old Song. 

AIR XL. 

Old Sack) and old Songs, and a merry old Crew, 
Willfrigbt away Cares, when the Ground looks blue. 

And can you think on Gypfy Fortune-tellers ? 

1 Beg. I'll think as little of 'em as I can. 

2 Beg. Will you abroad then? But here comes your Steward* 

Enter Springlove, as an Aftor. 

Old. Ble'fs me ! is not that Sprlnglove? 
Heart. Is that you, that talks to him; or that Coxcomb, I, 
do you think ? Pray let them play their Play ; the Juftice will 
not hinder 'em, you fee; he's aflecp. 

Spr. He e are the Keys of all my Charge, Sir; and my 
humble buit is, that you will be pleas'd to let me walk upon 
my known Occafions this Summer. 

i Beg. Fie ! can'ft not yet leave off thofe Vagranccs? But I 
will ftrive no more to alter Nature. I will not hinder thee, 
nor bid thee go. 

Old. My own Words at his Departure. 

Heart. No Matter; pray attend. 

i Beg. Come, Friend, I'll take your CounfeL 

\_Exeunt Beggars. 

Spr. I've ftriven with myfelf, to alter Nature in me 
For my good Mafter's Sake, but all in vain ; 
For Beggars (Cuckow-like) fly out again 
In their own Notes, and Seafon. 

Enter Rachel, Meriel, Vincent, <7?z</ Hilliard. 

Rach. Our Father's Sadnefs will not fuffer us 
To live in's Houfe. 

Mer. And we muft have a Progrefs. 

Vine. The AfTurance of your Love hath engaged us. 

Hill. We are determined to wait on you m^any Courfe, 

Rack. 



*he JOVIAL CREW. 43 

Rack. Suppofe we'll go a Begging ! 

Indulge in full your Fancy, 

To powerful Nature's Voice ; 
Whatever the Wifejl can fay ^ 

All Happintfs is Choice. 
If Men are void of Pajjions^ 

Theyjhpid Figures make j 
By various Inclinations^ 

The World is kept awake. 
Then talk no more of Reafon, 

Or tajting Joys at home ; 
When this delightful Seafon, 

Invites us out to roam. 
Hark ! hark ! on every Spray^ 

The Birds chant merrily j 
Come, come^ no more Delay ^ 

Thofe are the "Joys for me. 

Hill. We are for you. 

pr. And that muft be your Courfe, and fuddenly, 
To cure your Father's Sa.dnefs, who is told 
It is your Beftiny, which you may quit, 
By making it a Trick of Youth, and Wit, 
1'jl fee you in the Way. 

All. But how ? but how ? [All talk afrie. 

Old. My Daughters, and their Lovers too ! I fee the Scope of 
their Defign, and the whole Drift of all their Adtion now, with 
Joy and Comfort. 

Heart. But take no Notice yet ; fee a Whim more of it. But 
the mad Rogue that adted me, I muft make drunk, anon. 

Spr. Now are you all refolv'd ? 

All. Agreed, agreed. 

Spr. You beg to abfolve your Fortune, not for Need. [Exeunt. 

Old. 1 muft commend their Adi in that; pr'ythee let's call 
? em, and end the Matter here. The Purpofe of their Play is 
but to work my Friendfliip, or their Peace with me, and they 
have it. Heart. But fee a lirtle more, Sir. 
Enter Randal. 

Old. My Man Randal too ! Has he a Part with 'em ? 

Ran. They were well fet to work when they made me a 
Player! What is it 'I muft fay? And how muft I adi now ? 
Oh ! that I muft be Steward for the Beggars in Matter Steward's 
Abfence, and tell my M after he's gone to meafure Land for 
him to purchafe. 

Old. You, bir, leave the Work, you can do no better, and 
call the Actors back a2;ain to me. 

fian. Witii all my Heart, and glad my Partis fofoondone. [Exit. 
F 2 Enter 



JOVIAL CREW. 

Enter Patrico. 

Pat, Since you will then break off our Play, 
Something in Earneft I muft fay j 
But let affected Rhiming go ; 
I'll be no more a Patrico. 

My Name is Jf^rotight-on Grandfon to that unhappy 

Wrought-on^ whom your Grandfather craftily wrought out of 
his iiltate, by which all his Pofterity were fince expofed to Beg- 
gary. [Patrico takes Oldrents afide.~\ I had a Sifter, who 
among the Race of Beggars was the faireft 5 a Gentleman by 
her, in Heat of Youth, did get a Son, who now muft call 
you Father. 

Old. Me? 

Pat. Yet attend me, Sir, your Bounty then difpos'd your 
Purfc to her, in which, betides 
Much Money (I conceive by your Neglect) 
Was thrown this Jewel : Do you know it ? 

Old. The Bracelet that my Mother gave me ! 
jDo*s the young Man live ? 

Enter Springlove, Vincent, Hiliiard, Rachel, and Meriel, 

Pat. Here with the reft of your fair Children, Sir. 

Old. My Joy begins to be too great within me. 
My Blefling, and a Welcome to you all; 
Be one another's, and you all are mine. 

Vine. Hill. We are agreed on that, 

Rack. Longfmce; we only ft ay 'd till you (hook off your Sadnefs, 

Old. Now 1 can read the Juftice of my Fate, and yours. 

Cla. Ha ! Juftice? Are they handling of Juftice? 

Old. But more applaud great Providence in both. , 

Cla. Are they jeering of Juftices ? I watched for that. 

Heart. Ay, fo methought: no, Sir, the Play is done. 
Enter Sentwell^ Amie, and Oliver. 

Sent, See, Sir, your Niece prefented to you. 

[Springiove tafas Amie. 

Cla. What, with a Speech by one of the^Players ? Speak, 
Sir, and be not daunted, I am favourable. 

Spr. Then, by your Favour, Sir, this Maiden is my Wife. 

Cla. Sure you are out o' your Part ! that is to fay, you muft 
begin again. 

jSfr. She's mine by folemn Contract, Sir. 

A line. Aim I 5/V, I have prov'd your Clown, 
Eya 
Try' d him, 

But 7HUJI OZVXi 

So wr ticked a Mortal nier W4s kriO'wr, ; 
1 bad been with him unaone. 

4 If 



JOVIAL CREW. 4^ 

If I mujl in Bondage be, 

To chufe my Chains at leaft I'm free. 

Since I am wilting 

To be Billing, 
Here's the Man, the Man for me, 

Cla. You will not tell me that : Are not you my Niece ? 

Am. I dare not, Sir, deny't ; we are contracted. 

Cla. Nay, if we both fpeak together, how fhall we hear one 
another ? 

Old. Hear me then for all. This Gentleman that fhall 
marry your Niece, is my Son, on whom I will fettle a thou- 
fand Pounds a Year, to make, the Match equal. Do you hear 
me now ? 

Cla. Now I do hear you, and muft hear you ; that is to fay, 
It is a Match ; that is to fay as I faid before. 

Spr. [To Oldrents.] Now, on my Duty, Sir, I'll beg no 
more, but your continual Love, and daily Blefling. 

Rack. You, Sir, [to Oliver] are the Gentleman that wou'4 
have made Beggar's Sport with us. Two at once. 

Mer. Two for a Shilling. 

A I R XLIL 

Jlach. What JJaJleyou were in to be doing, 

When two at a Time you were ivtoing j 

You Men arefo keen, 

When once you begin, 
You fancy you ni er Jhall have done. 

What Hajle you were in to be billing^ 
With two at a Time for a Shilling j 

Yet quickly youdfind^ 

If any prove kind; 
You d Work enough meet with one. 

Oliv. There are fome Mifunderftandings have happen'd : 
but, I hope, we are all Friends. 

Old. Ay, ay, we are all Friends, and (hall continue fo ; and 
to fhew we are Friends, let us be merry : and to ii-ew we are 
merry, let us have a Song ; and afterwards a pai.ee. 



A I R 



;<0 The JOVIAL CREW. 
A I R XLIIL 

Hearty , To the Men. 

Now then tell them fairly^ 
You will love 'em dearly ^ 
//fay each of them be yearly 
Mother of a Boy, 
. To the Women. 

Ladles fair, adieu t r ye 9 
Manage well your Beauty y 
Keep your Sfoujes true t\e ; 
Re their only 'joy. 
To Oldrcnts. 

Come , my Larh^ be merry \ 
Bring us Sack and Sherry ; 
Call the Pipe and Tabor ; 
Nou.^ Sir, cut a Caper : 
Here ends all your Labour 

This happy Wedding D<, 
my Lao's, &c. 



A Country Dance. 



FINIS. 



PLAYS 



I2mo. printed for 
bd. each. 



T* LOWNDES, 



A BRA MULE 
./Efop, bv Vanbrugh 
Albion and Albianus 
Alcibiades, by Otway 
All for Love, by Dryden 
Ambitious Stepmother 
Amboyna, by Drvden 
Amphytrion, by Dryden 
Anatomift, by Ravenfcroft 
Anna Bullen, by Banks 
Artful Hufband 
Artifice, by Centlivrc 
Athaliah, by Duncomb 
Aurengzebe, by Dryden 
Baffet Table, by Centlivre 
Beaux Stratagem 
Biter 

Beggar's Opera, by Gay 
Bold Stroke for a Wife 
Bufiris, by Dr. Young 
Bufy Body, by Centlivre 
Caius Marius 
Captives, by Gay 
Carelefs Hufband 
Cataline 

Cato, by Addifon 
Chances 

Chaplet, by Mr. Mendez 
Cobler of Prefton 
Committee, by Howard 
Comedy of Errors 
Conqueft of Grenada, 2 parts 
Confcious Lovers 
Contrivances, by Carey 
Country Lafles 
Country Wife 

Cymbeline, altered by Mr. 
Garrick 



Damon and Philida, by Mr. 

Dibdin 

Devil to Pay, by Ccffey 
Diftrefled Mother 
Don Carlos, by Otway 
Don Quixote, 3 parts 
Don Sebaftian 
Double Dealer 
Double Gallant 
Dragon of Wantley 
Drummer, by Addifon 
Duke and No Duke 
Duke of Guife 
Earl of EiTex, by Bankes 
Evening's Love 
Every Man in his Humour, 

altered by Mr. Garrick 
Fair Penitent, by Rowe 
Fair Quaker of Deal 
Falfe Friend 

Fatal Secret 

Fatal Curiofity 

Flora, or Hob in the Well 

Fox 

Friendmip in Faflaion 

Funeral, by Sir R. Steele 

Gamefter, by Mrs. Cent- 
livre 

Gentle Shepherd 

George Barnwell, by Lillo 

Greenwich Park 

Hamlet, by Sbakefneare 

Henry V. by Shakefpeare 

Henry V. by Aaron Hill 

Henry IV. two parts 

Henry VI. three parts, by 
Shakefpeare 

Henry VIII. by Shakefpeare 
Honeft 



s. 



Honeft Yorkfhireman 

Inconflant, by Farquhar 

Indian Emperor, by Dryden 

Indian Queen, by ditto 

Jfland Piincefs 

Jane Gray, by Mr. Rowe 

Jane Shore, by ditto 

King Arthur, by Dryden 

King John, by Shakefpeare 

King Lear, by ditto 

Ditto, by Tate 

Ladies Laft Stake 

Love for Love 

Love in a Mift 

Love in a 'Fub 

Love's Laft Shift 

Love makes a Man 

Lying Lover, by Steele 

Macbeth 

Man of Mode 

Mourning Bride 

Mariamne 

Merchant of Venice 

Miftakes 

Muftapha 

Nonj u ror 

Old BatcheJor 

Oroonoko, by Southern 

Orphan, by Otway 

Othello, by Shakefpeare 

Phasdra and Hippolitus 

Polly, by Mr. Gay 

Prophetefs 

Provok'd Hufband, by Gibber 

Provok'd Wife 

Recruiting Officer 

Refufal, by Gibber 



Rehearfal,byD.of Buckingham 
Felapfe, by Vanbrugh 
Revenge, by Dr. Young 
Richard III. altered by Gibber 
Rival Queens, by Lee 
Romeo and Juliet, altered by 

Mr. Garrick 
Shool-Boy, by Gibber 
She Would and She Would 

Not, by Gibber 
She Would if She Could 
Silent Woman 
State of Innocence 
Siege of Damafcus 
Sir Courtly Nice, by Crown 
Sir Harry Wildair 
Sir Walter Raleigh 
'Squire of Alfatia 
Stage Coach, by Farquhar 
Sufpicious Hufband 
Tamerlane, by Rowe 
Tender Hufband, by Steele 
Theodofius, by Lee 
Timon of Athens 
Tunbridge Walks 
Twin Rivals, by Farquhar 
Twelfth Night 
Venice Preferved, by Otway 
Way of the World 
What d'ye Call It ? 
Wife to Let 
Wild Gallant 
Wit without Money 
Woman's a Riddle 
Wonder, by Centlivre 
Zara, by A. Hill, Efq; 



C M U S: 

A 

MASQUE. 



Of Forefts and Inchantments drear, 
Where more is meant than meets the Ear. 

IL PENSEROSQ, 

Quid vocis modulamen inane juvabit 
Verborum fenfufque vacant numerique loquacis ? 

MILTON, ad Patrem, 



[ Price One Shilling. ] 



C M U Si 

A 

MASQUE. 

(Now adapted to the STAGE) 
As Alter'd from 

MILTON's MASQJLJE 

A T 

LUDL OW-C ^ STL E, 



Which was 

Firft Reprefented on MicHAELMAS-Day, 1634 j 
Before the Right Honourable 

The Earl of BRIDGEWA7ER, 
Lord Prefident of WA L E S.~ 

The principal PERFORMERS were 

The Lord BRACKLT, 7C The Lady ALICE 
Ur.THO.EGERTON, Jl EGERTON. 

The Mufic was compofed by Mr. HEM. LAWES, 
Who alfo reprefented the Attendant Spirit. 



LONDON: 

Piinted for A. MILLAR, oppofite to Katharine- Str/t( 9 in 
the Strand. MDCCLXII. 



PROLOGUE. 



/~\ UR ftedfaft bard, to his own genius true, 

Still bade bis mufe, * fit audience find, tho* few. 
Scorning the judgment of a trifling age, 
To choicer fpirits he bequeath' d his page. 
He too was fcarn'd, and to Britannia'jy&z/^, 
She fear ce for half an Age knew MILTON'* name* 
But now, his fame by ev'ry trumpet blown y 
We on his deathlefs trophies raife our own. 
Nor art nor nature did his genius bound, 
Heaven, hell, earth, chaos, he furvey d around. 
All things his eye, thro" wit's bright empire thrown, 
Jieheld, and made what it beheld his own. 

Such MILTON was : 'Tis ours to bring him forth > 3 
And yours to vindicate neglecled worth. 
Such heaven-taught numbers fhould be more than read 9 
More wide the manna thro 1 the nation fpread. 
Like fame blefs'd fpirit he to-night defcends, 
Mankind he viftts, and their Jleps befriends j 
Thro* mazy error's dark perplexing wood, 
Points out the path of true and real good ; 
Warm erring youth, and guards the fpotlefs maid 
frumfpell of magic vice, by reafon's aid. 

Attend 

* ParadifeLoft, Book VII, Ver. 3 i. 



PROLOGUE. 

Attend the ft rains ; and Jhculdfome meaner phrafe 
Hang on tbeftyle, and clog the nobler lays, 
Excufe what we with trembling handfupply, 
To give bis beauties to the public eye ; 
His the pure ejftnce, ours the grojjer wean, 
Thro' which his fpirlt is in aRionfeen. 
Olferve the force, obferve the flame divine t 
That glows, breathes, afis, in each harmonious line. 
Great objecls onlyJJrike the gcn'rous heart j 
Praife the fublime, overlook the mortal part ; 
Be there your judgment, here yaur candour /hewn ; 
Small is our portion, and we wijh 'twere none. 



EPILOGUE 

To be fpoken 

By Mrs. CLIVE, in the Drefs of EUPHROSYNE, 
with the WAND and CUP. 



CO ME critick, or Pm deceived, will ajk y 

" What means this wild, this allegor'uk mafque? 
t{ Be)ond all bounds cf truth this author Jh^ots ; 
" Can wands or cups transform men into brutes ? 

'Tis idlefujf!" And yet 1 'II prove it true-, 

Attend; for fur e 1 mean it not of you. 
he mealy fop, that tajles my cup, may try, 
How quick the change from beau to butterfly ; 

5 But 



EPILOGUE. 

But oer the Infe& Jhould the Brute prevail, 
He grins a monkey with a length of tail. 
Onejlroke of this *, as fure as Cupid'j arroiv, 
Turns the warm youth into a wanton fparrow. 
Nay, the cold prude becomes a Jlave to love, 
Feels a new warmth, and cooes a billing dove. 
T "he fly coquet, whofe artful tears beguile 
Unwary hearts, weeps a falfe crocodile . 
Dull poring pedants, Jhock'dat truth's keen light, 
Turn moles, and plunge again in friendly night ; 
Miners grow vultures of rapacious mind, 
Or more than vultures, they devour their kind; 
Flatterers camekons, creeping on the ground, 
With ev'ry changing colour changing round. 
The party- fad, . beneath his heavy load, 
Drudges a driven afs thro' dirty road. 
While guzzling foti, their fpoufes fay, are hogs ; 
And fnarling criticks, authors fw ear, are dogs* 

But to be grave, I hope we've prov'd at leaji, 
Allj/ice is folly, and makes man a beaft. 

* The Wand. 




Dramatis 



Dramatis Perfonae. 



COMUS, 


Mr. QUIN. 


The Lady, 


Mrs. GIBBER. 


The BROTHERS, 


CMr. MILWARD. 
(.Mr. GIBBER. 


Firft SPIRIT, 


Mr. MILLS. 


Second SPIRIT, 


Mr. HILL. 


EUPHROSYNE, 


Mrs. CLIVE, 


SABRINA, 


Mrs. ARNE, 


Attendant 'SPIRITS, r,., n 
r> n. i 1 Mr. BEARD, 

BACCHANALS, Jraitoral 1 _ .. _ 

f IV/I*.^ f^ -wm-w-r* 


Characters, and 
vocal Parts, 


other 1 
(^Mrs. ARNE, and others, 




Dancers, &c. 



SCENE, a Wood near Ludlow-Caftle. 



C O M U S: 



MASQUE* 



A C T 1 

The frjt Scene difcovers a wild Wood, 
'The firjl attendant SPIRIT enters. 

BEFORE the ftarry thfefliold of Jove's court 
My manfion is, where thofe immortal ftiapes 
Of bright aerial fpirits live infpher'd 
In regions mild of calm and ferene air, 
Above the fmoke and ftir of this dim fpot, 
Which men call earth, and with low-thoughted care 
Confin'd and pefter'd in this pinfold here, 
Strive to keep up a frail and fev'rifh being, 
Unmindful of the crown that virtue gives, 
After this mortal change, to her true fervants 
Amongft the enthron'd gods on fainted feats. 
Yet fome there are, that by due {reps afpire 
To lay their juft hands on that golden key, 
That ope's the palace of eternity : 
B 



io C Q M U S. 

To fuch my errand is : and but for fuch, 

I would not foil thefe pure ambrofial weeds 

With the rank vapours of this fin-worn mould. 

But whence yon flanting ftream of purer light, 

Which ftreaks the midnight gloom, and hither darts 

Its beamy point ? Some meflenger from Jove t 

Commiflion'd to direct or (hare my charge ; 

And if I ken him right, a fpirit pure 

As treads the fpangled pavement of the fky, 

The gentle Philadel: But fwift as thought 

He comes 

The fecond attendant SPIRIT defcends. 

Declare, on what ftrange errand bent, 
Thou viilteft this clime, to me aflign'd, 
So far remote from thy appointed fphere ? 

Second SPIRIT. 

On no appointed tafk thou feeft me now : 
But as returning from Elyjian bow'rs 
(Whither from mortal coil a foul I wafted) 
Along this boundlefs fea of waving air 
I fteer'd my flight, betwixt the gloomy fliade 
Of thefe thick boughs thy radiant form I fpy'd 
Gliding, as ftreams the moon through duflcy clouds 3 
Inftant I ftoop'd my wing, and downward fped 
To learn thy errand, and with thine to join 
My kindred aid, from mortals ne'er with-held, 
When virtue on the brink of peril ftands. 

Firjt SPIRIT. 

Then mark th'occafion that demands it here. 
Neptune, I need not tell, befides the fway 
Of ev'ry fait flood and each ebbing ftream, 
Took in by lot 'twixt high and nether Jove 
Imperial rule of all the fea- girt ifles, 
That, like to rich and various gems, inlay 

The 



C O M U S. ii 

The unadorned bofom of the deep, 

Which he, to grace his tributary gods, 

By courfe commits to feveral government, 

And gives them leave to wear their faphire crowns, 

And wield their little tridents : but this ifle, 

The greateft and the beft of all the main, 

He quarters to his blue-hair'd deities ; 

And all this tract that fronts the falling fun 

A noble peer of mickle truft and power 

Has in his charge, with temper'd awe to guide 

An old and haughty nation, proud inarms. 
Second SPIRIT. 

Does any danger threat his legal fway, 

From bold fedition, or clofe-ambufli'd treafon ? 

Firjl SPIRIT. 

No danger thence. But to his lofty feat, 
Which borders on the verge of this wild vale, 
His blooming offspring, nurs'd in princely lore, 
Are coming to attend their father's ftate, 
And new entrufted fceptre, and their way 
Lies through the perplex'd paths of this drear wood, 
The nodding horror of whofe fhady brows 
Threats the forlorn and wand'ring paflenger; 
And here their tender age might fuffer peril, 
But that by quick command from fovereign J<*ve 
I was difpatch'd for their defence and guard. 

Second SPIRIT* 

What peril can their innocence aflail 
Within thefe lonely and unpeopled {hades ? 

Firft SPIRIT. 

Attend my words. No place but harbours danger : 
In ev'ry region virtue finds a foe. 
Bacchus, that firft from out the purple grape 
Crulh'd the fweet poifon of mifufed wine, 

B 2 After 



ii C O M U S. 

After the TujJcan mariners transform'd, 
Coafting the Tyrbenne fliore, as the winds liftecf, 
On Circe's ifland fell : (Who knows not Circe y 
The daughter of the fun, whofe charmed cup 
Whoever tafted, loft his upright ftiape, 
And downward fell into a grov'ling fvvine ?) 
This nymph, that gaz'd upon his cluft'ring locks, 
With ivy-berries wreath'd, and his blithe youth, 
Had by him, ere he parted thence, a fon 
Much like his father, but his mother more, 
Whom therefore file brought up, and Comus nam'd. 

Second SPIRIT. 
Jll-omen'd birth to virtue and her fons ! 

Fir/I SPIRIT. 

He ripe and frolick of his full-grown age, 
Roving the Celtic and Iberian fields, 
At laft betakes him to this ominous wood, 
And in thick flicker of black fhades imbower'd 
Excels his mother at her mighty art, 
OfFring to ev'ry weary traveller 
His orient liquor in a chryftal glafs, 
To quench the drought of Pkcebus^ whiclvas they tafte, 
(For moft do tafte through fond intemp'rate.thirft) 
Soon as the potion works, their human counienance, 
Th' expneis refemblance of the Gods, is chajig'd 
Into fome brutifh form of wolf or bear, 
Or ounce, or tiger, hog, or bearded goat, 
AH Pther parts remaining as they were. 
Yet, when he walks his tempting rounds, the forceiej 
By magic pow'r their human face reftores, 
And outward beauty to delude the fight. 

Second SPIRIT. 
j^ofe they the mem'ry of their former ftate ? 



C O M U S. 13 

Fir/1 SPIRIT. 

No, they (fo perfe& is their mifery) 
Not pnce perceive their foul disfigurement, 
But boaft themfelves more comely than before, 
And all their friends and native home forget, 
To roll with pleafure in a fenfual fly. 
Second SPIRIT. 

Degrading fall ! from fuch a dire diftrefs 
What pain too great our mortal charge to fave ? 

Firjl SPIRIT. 

For this, when any favour'd of high Jove 
Chances to pafs through this advent'rous glade, 
Swift as the fparkle of a glancing ftar 
I fhoot from heaven, to give him fafe convoy, 
As now I do : and opportune thou com'ft 
To (hare an office, which thy nature loves.' 
This be our tafk : but firft I muft put off 
Thefe my fky-robes, fpun out of Iris' woof, 
And take the weeds and likenefs of a fwain 
Thai; to the fervice of this houfe belongs, 
Who with his foft pipe and fmooth- ditty 'd fong, 
Well knows to (till the wild winds when they roar, 
And hufti the waving woods; nor of lefs faith, 
And in this office of his mountain watch 
Like'iieft, and neareft to the prefent aid 
Of this occafion. Veil'd in fuch difguife, 
Be it my care the fever'd youths to guide 
To their diftreffed and lonely fifter; thine 
To chear her footfteps thro' the magic wood. 
Whatever blefled fpiri{ hovers near, 
On errands bent to wand'ring mortals gopd a 
If need require, him fummon to thy fide. 
Unfeen of mortal eye, fuch thoughts infpire. 
Such heaven-born confidence, as need demands 
In hour of trial. 



14 C O M U S. 

Second SPIRIT. 
Swift as winged winds 

To my glad charge I fly. [Exit. 

[Manet Flrjl SPIRIT.] 

I'll wait a while 

To watch the forcerer ; for I hear the tread 
Of hateful fteps; I muft be viewlefs now. 

COM us enters with a charming-rod in one band, his gJafs In 
the other, with him a rout of men and women, drefs'd as 
BACCHANALS; they came in making a riotous and unruly 
noife, wiih torches in their hards. 

COM us /peaks. 

The Star, that bids the (hepherd fold, 
Now the top of heaven doth hold, 
And the gilded car of day 
His glowing axle doth allay 
In the fteep Atlantlck ftream ; 
And the flope fun his upward beam 
Shoots againft the dufky pole, 
Pacing toward the other goal 
Of his chamber in the eaft ; 
Mean while welcome joy and feaft. 

SONG. By a Man. 

j. 

Now Phcebus/intetb in the weji y 
Welcome fong t and welcome jejl, 
. Midnight Jhnut and revelry ', 
Tipfy dance and jollity ; 
J3\r aid your locks with rojy tw'ine^ 
Dropping cdours, dropping wine. 

2. 

Rigour now is gone to bed^ 
And advice with fcrup* lous head y 
Strict age and Jour fever ity y 
With their grave f aw s injlumbtr lie, COM us- 



COMUS. 15 

COMUS Jpeaks. 
We that are of purer fire 
Imitate the ftarry choir, 
Who in their nightly watchful fpheres 
Lead in fwift round the months and years. 
The founds and feas, with all their finny drove, 
Now to the moon in wav'ring morrice move, 
And on the tawny fands and (helves 
Trip the pert fairies and the dapper elves, 

SONG. By a Woman. 

i. 

By dimpled brook, and fountain brim, 
The wood-nymphs, deck'd with daifies trim, 
Their merry wakes and pa/limes keep : 
What has night to do withjleep ? 



Night has better fweets to prove ; 
Venus now wakes, and wakens Love : 
Csme, let us our rites begin ; 
*Tis only day-light that makes fin. 

COMUS fpeaks. 

Hail, goddefs of nocturnal fport, 
Dark-veil'd Cocytto, t* whom the fecret flame 
Of midnight torches burns ; myfterious dame, 
That ne'er art call'd, but when the dragon- womb 
Of Stygian darknefs fpits her thickeft gloom, 
And makes one blot of all the air, 
Stay thy cloudy ebon chair, 

Wherein 
8 



16 C O M U S. 

Wherein thou rid'ft with Hecaf, and befriend 

Us thy vow'd priefts, till utmoft end 

Of all thy dues be done, and none left out j 

Ere the blabbing eaftern fcout, 

The nice morn on th* Indian fteep 

From her cabin loop-hole peepj 

And to the tell-tale fun defcry 

Our conceal'd folemnity. 

SONG. By a Man and a Wemari, 
i. 

From tyrant laws and cujlsms free, 



We follow fweet variety ; 

By turns we drink, and dance, 

Loveyir wer on the wing. 

2. 

Why Jhould niggard rules controut 
Tranfports of the jovial foul? 
No dulljiinting b'jur we own .* 
Pleafure counts cur time alone. 



SONG. Bjf a Man. 

By the gayly circling glafs 
We can fee how minutes pafs ; 
By the hollow cajk are told 
How the wain ing night grows old. 



Seen, toofoon^ the bufy day 
Drives us from our fport and play ; 
What have we with day to do ? 
Sons of care, 'twas made for you! 

COM us 



C O M U S. 17 

COM us /peaks. 

Come, knit hands, and beat the ground 
In a light fantaftick round* 

y/f they art going to form a dance ^ COM us J "peaks. 
Break off, break off, I feel the diff'rent pace 
Of Come chafte footing near about this ground. 
Run to your Ihrouds, within thefe brakes and tre'es 3 
Our number may affright : Some virgin fure 
(For fo I can diftinguifh by mine art) 
Benighted in thefe woods. Now to my charms. 
And to my wily trains. I (hall ere long 
Be well flock'd with as fair a herd as graz'd 
About my mother Circe. Thus I hurl 
My dazling fpells into the fpungy air, 
Of pow'r to cheat the eye with blear illuflon, 
And give it falfe preferments, left the place 
And my quaint habits breed aftonilhment, 
And put the damfel to fufpicious flight; 
Which muft not be, for that's againft my ccurfe, 
I under fair pretence of friendly ends, 
And well plac'd words of glozing courtefy, 
Baited with reafons not unplaufible, 
Wind me into the eafy-hearted man, 
And hug him into fnares. When once her eye 
Hath met the virtue of this magick duft, 
I (hall appear fome harmlefs villager, 
Whom thrift keeps up about his country gear* 
But here {he comes ; I fairly ftep afide 
And hearken, if I may her bufinefs hear. 

The LADY enters* 

LADY. 
This way the noife was, if mine ear be true^ 

C U 



i8 C O M U S. 

My beft guide now ; methought it was the found 
Of riot and ill-manag'd merriment, 
Such as the jocund flute, or gamefome pipe 
Stirs up among the loofe unletter'd hinds, 
When for their teeming flocks, and granges full, 
In wanton dance they praife the bounteous Pan, 
And thank the gods amifs. I fhould be loth, 
To meet the rudenefs, and fwill'd infolence 
Of fuch late waflailers j yet, O ! where elfe 
Shall I inform my unacquainted feet 
In the blind mazes of this tangled wood ? 

[COMUS afide.] 
I'll eafe her of that care, and be her guide. 

LADY. 

My brothers, when they faw me weary'd out 
With this long way, refolving here to lodge 
Under the fpreading favour of thefe pines, 
Stepp'd, as they faid, to the next thicket fide, 
To bring me berries, or fuch cooling fruit, 
As the kind hofpitable woods provide. 
They left me then, when the gray-hooded Even, 
Like a fad votarift in Palmer's weeds, 
Rofe from the hindmoft wheels of Phoebus? wain ; 
But where they are, and why they come not back, 
Is now the labour of my thoughts j 'tis likelieft 
They had engag'd their wand'ring fteps too far: 
This is the place, as well as I may guefs, 
Whence even now the tumult of loud mirth 
Was rife, and perfec-l in my lift'ning ear ; 
Yet nought but fingle darknefs do I find. 
What might this be ? A thoufand fantafies 
Begin to throng into my memory, 
Of calling (hapes, and beck'ning fhadows dire, 
And airy tongues, that fyllable mens names 

On 



C O M U S. 19 

On fands, and mores, and defert wildernefies. 
Thefe thoughts may ftartle well, but not aftound 
The virtuous mind, that ever walks attended 
By a ftrong-fiding champion, conference. 

welcome, pure-ey'd faith, white-handed hope, 
Thou hov'ring angel, girt with golden wings, 
And thou unblemifh'd form of chaftity ; 

1 fee you vifibly, and now believe 

That he, the fupreme good, (t'whom all things ill 

Are but as flavifh officers of vengeance) 

Would fend a glift'ring guardian, if needft were, 

To keep my life and honour unaflail'd. 

Was I deceiv'd, or did a fable cloud 

Turn forth her filver lining on the night ? 

I did not err, there does a fable cloud 

Turn forth her filver lining on the night, 

And cafts a gleam over this tufted grove. 

I cannot hollow to my brothers, but 

Such noife as I can make to be heard fartheft 

I'll venture j for my new enliven'd fpirits 

Prompt me ; and they perhaps are not far off. 

SONG. 
Sweet Echo, fweeteft nymph, that liv'ft unfeen 

Within thy airy cell, 
By flow Maeander' mar gent green ^ 

And in the violet -embroidered vale, 
Where the kve-lorn nightingale 

Nightly to thee her fad fong mourneth well, 
Canjl thou. not tell me of a gentle pair, 
That likejl thy Narciflus are ? 

O ! if thou have 
Hid them tnjome flow'ry cave. 

Tell me but vjhere^ 
Sweet qttfen of far/y r , daughter of the fphere ; 

C 2 & 



20 C O M U S. 

So may* ft tbou be ir (inflated to tbejkies, 

And give refunding grace to all beaverfs harmonies, 

[CoMUS afule.] 

Can any mortal mixture of earth's mould 
Breathe fuch divine inchanting ravimment ? 
Sure fomething holy lodges in that breaft, 
And with thefe raptures moves the vocal air 
To teftify his hidden refidence : 
How fweetiy did they float upon the wings 
Of filence, thro' the empty-vaulted night, 
At ev'ry fall fmoothing the raven-down 
Of darknefs, till it fmil'd ! I have oft heard 
My mother Circe, with the Sirens three, 
Amidit the flow'ry-kirtled Naiades, 
Culling their potent herbs and baleful drugs ; 
Who, as they fung, would take the pnfon'd foul, 
And lap it in Elyfium : Scylla wept, 
And chid her barking waves into attention, 
And fell Charybdis murmur'd foft applaufe: 
Yet they in pleafing flumber lull'd the fenfe, 
And fweet in madnefs robb'd it of itfelf. 
But fuch a facred and home-felt delight, 
Such fober certainty of waking blifs 

I never heard till now I'll fpeak to her, 

And flie fhall be my queen. Hail, foreign wonder, 

Whom certain thefe rough fliades did never breed, 

Unlefs the goddefs that in rural fhrine 

Dwell'ft b,ere with Pan, or Si/van, by blefs'd fong 

Forbidding ev'ry bleak unkindly fog 

To touch the profp'rous growth of this tall wood. 

LADY. 

Nay, gentle fhepherd, ill is loft that praife, 
That is addrefs'd to unattending ears : 

Not 



C O M U S. 21 

Not any boaft of fkill, but extreme fhift 
How to regain my fever'd company, 
Compell'd me to awake the courteous Echo, 
To give me anfwer from her mofly couch. 

COMUS. 

What chance, good lady, hath bereft you thus ? 

LADY. 
Dim darknefs, and this leafy labyrinth. 

COMUS. 
Could that divide you from near-um'ring guides ? 

LADY. 
They left me weary on a grafly turf. 

COMUS. 
By falfehood, or difcourtefy, or why ? 

LADY. 
To feek i'th'valley fome cool friendly fpring. 

COMUS. 
And left your fair fide all unguarded, lady ? 

LADY. 
They were but twain, and purpos'd quick return. 

COMUS. 
Perhaps foreftalling night prevented them ? 

LADY. 
How eafy my misfortune is to hit ! 

COMUS. 
Imports their lofs, befide the prefent need ? 

LADY. 
No lefs than if I fhould my brothers lofe. 

COMUS. 
Were they of manly prime, or youthful bloom * 

LADY. 
As fmooth as Hebe's their unrazor'd lips. 

COMUS. 
Two fuch I faw, what time the labour'd ox 

In 



22 C O M U S. 

In his oofe traces from the furrow came, 

And the fwink't hedger at his fupper fatj 

I fawthem under a green mantling vine, 

That crawls along the fide of yon fmall hill, 

Plucking ripe clutters from the tender fhoots ; 

Their port was more than human ; as they flood, 

I took it for a fairy vifion 

Of fome gay creatures of the element, 

That in the colours of the rainbow live, 

And play i'th'plaited clouds. I was awe ftrook, 

And as I pafs'd, I worfliip'd ; if thofe you feek, 

It were a journey like the path to heav'n, 

To help you find them. 

LADY. 

Gentle villager, 
What readieft way would bring me to that place ? 

COMUS. 

Due weft it rifes from this Qirubby point. 

LADY. 

To find out that, good fhepherd, I fuppofe, 
In fuch a fcant allowance of ftar-light, 
Would over-tafk the beft land-pilot's art, 
Without the fure guefs of well-praclis'd feet. 

COMUS. 

I know each lane, and ev'ry alley green, 
Dingle, or bufliy dell of this wild wood, 
And ev'ry bofky bourn from fide to fide, 
My daily walks and ancient neighbourhood : 
And if your ftray attendance be yet lodg'd, 
Or fliroud within thefe limits, I mall know 
Ere morrow wake, or the low-roofted lark 
From her thatch'd pallat rowfe : if otherwife, 
I can conduct you, lady, to a low 

But 
8 



COMUS. 23 

But loyal cottage, where you may be fafe 
Till farther queft. 

LADY. 

Shepherd, I take thy word, 
And truft thy honeft offer'd courtefy, 
Which oft is fooner found in lowly fheds 
With fmoaky rafters, than in tap'ftry halls 
And courts of princes, where it firft was nam'd, 
And yet is moft pretended. In a place, 
Lefs warranted than this, or lefs fecure, 
I cannot be, that I fliould fear to change it. 
Eye me, blefs'd providence, and fquare my trial 

To my proportion'd ftrength Shepherd, lead on, 

Exeunt. 

Enter COMUS'J crew from behind the trees. 
SONG. By a Man. 

I. 

Flyfwiftlyye minutes, till COMUS receive 
The namelefs foft tranfports that beauty can give ; 
The bowl's frolick joys let him teach her to prove, 
And Jhe in return yield the raptures of love. 

2. 

Without love and wine, wit and beauty are vain, 
All grandeur injipid, and riches a pain, 
The moji fplendid palace grows dark as the grave : 
Love and wine give, ye gods ! or take back what you gave. 

CHORUS. 
Away, away, away, 

To COMUS' court repair ; 
There night out-fhines the day, 
There yields the melting fair. 

End of the FIRST ACT.. 

ACT 



24 C O M U S. 



fr&$##@ 

&&&&^&&&&&&m 

ACT II. 

Enter the two BROTHERS. 

Eldefl BROTHER. 

UNwtfFFlE, ye faint ftars ; and thou fair moofl 
That wont'ft to love the traveller's benizon, 
Stoop thy pale vifage through an amber cloud, 
And difinherit Chaos, that reigns here 
In double night of darknefs and of fhades : 
Or if your influence be quite damm'd up 
With black ufurping mifts, fome gentle taper, 
Tho a rufh candle, from the wicker hole 
Of fome clay habitation, vifit us 
Witi thy long levell'd rule of ftreaming light ; 
An<? thou (halt be our ftar of Arcady 9 
Or Syrian cynofure. 

Youngefl BROTHER. 

Or if our eyes 

Be jarr'd that happinefs, might we but hear 
The folded flocks penn'd in their wattled cot, 
Of found of paft'ral reed with oaten flops j 
O: whiftle from the lodge, or village-cock 
Crunt the night-watches to his feathery dames, 
*7\vould be fome folace yet ; fome little chearing 
Ir this clofe dungeon of innum'rous boughs. 
Bit oh ! that haplefs virgin, our loft lifter f 
Vhere may fhe wander now, whither betake her 
Bom the chill dew, amongft rude burs and thiftles ? 
Brhaps fome cold bank is her bolfter now, 
Or 'gainft the rugged bark of fome broad elm 
"..eans her unpillow'd head, fraught with fad fears. 

What 



C O M U S. 2 

What if in wild amazement and affright, 
Or, while we fpeak, within the direful grafp 
Of favage hunger, or of favagefieat ? 

Eldejl BROTHER* 

Peace, brother ; be not over exquifite 
To caft the fafhion of uncertain evils j 
For grant they be fo, while they reft unknown, 
What need a man foreftall his date of grief, 
And run to meet what he would mod avoid ? 
Or if they be but falle alarms of fear, 
How bitter is fuch felf-delufion ! 
I do not think my Sifter fo to feck, 
Or fo unprincipled in virtue's book, 
And the fweet peace that goodnefs boibms ever, 
As that the fingle want of light and noife 
(Not being in danger, as I truft (he is not) 
Could ftir the conftant mood of her caJm thoughts* 
And put them into mifbecoming plight. 
Virtue could fee to do what virtue would 
By her own radiant light, though fun and moon 
Were in the flat fea funk : and wifdom's felf 
Oft feeks to fweet retired folitude ; 
Where, with her beft nurfe^ contemplation, 
She plumes her feathers, and lets grow her wings, 
That in the various buftle of refort 
Were all too ruffled, and fometimes impair'd. 
He that has light within his own clear breaft, 
May fit i'th'center, and enjoy bright day : 
But he that hides a dark foul, and foul thoughts, 
Benighted walks under the mid-day fun; 
Himfelf is his own dungeon. 

Toungefl BROTHER. 

'Tis moft true, 

That muling meditation moft affecls 
The penfwe fecrecy of defert cell, 

D Far 



2 6 C O M U S. 

Far from the chearful haunt of men and herds. 
And fits as fafe as in a fenate houfe : 
For who would rob a hermit of his'weeds, 
His few books, or his beads, or maple dift), 
Or do his grey hairs any violence ? 
But beauty, like the fair Hefperian tree 
Laden with blooming gold, had need the guard 
Of dragon watch with unrnchanted eye, 
To fave her bloflbms and defend her fruit 
From the rath hand of bold incontinence. 
You may as well fpread out the unfunn'd heaps 
Of mifers treafure by an outlaw's den, 
And tell me it is fafe, as bid me hope 
Danger will wink on opportunity, 
And let a fmgle helplefs maiden pafs 
Uninjur'd in this wild furrounding wafte. 
Of night or lonelinefs it recks me not: 
I fear the dread events that dog them both, 
Left fome ill -greeting touch 'attempt the perfon 
Of our unowned fifter. 

Eldeft BROTHER, 

I do not, brother, 

Infer, as if I thought my fitter's ftate 
Secure without all doubt or controversy : 
Yet, where an equal poife of hope and fear, 
Does arbitrate th'event, my nature is 
That I incline to hope rather than fear, 
And gladly banifh fquint fufpicion. 
My fitter is not fo defencelefs left 
As you imagine; (he has a hidden flrength, 
WKich you remember not. 

Youngejl BROTHER. 

What hidden ftrength, 
Unlefs the ftrength of heav'n, if you mean that? 



C O M U S. 27 

Eldeft BROTHER. 

I mean that too j but yet a hidden ftrength, 
Which, if heav'n gave it, may be term'd her own : 
'Tis chaftity, my brother, chaftity. 
She that has that, is clad in compleat fteel, 
And, like a quiver'd nymph with arrows keen, 
May trace huge forefts, and unharbour'd heaths, 
Infamous hilis, and Tandy perilous wilds ; 
Where, through the facred rays of chaftity, 
No favage fierce, bandit, or mountaineer 
Will dare to foil her virgin purity : 
Yea there, where very defolation dwells, 
By grots and caverns fhagg'd with horrid (hades, 
She may pafs on with unblench'd majefty, 
Be it not done in pride or in preemption. 

Youngefl BROTHER. 

How gladly would I have my terrors hufh'd, 
By crediting the wonders you relate ! 

Eldeji BROTHER. 

Some fay, no evil thing that walks by night, 
In fog, or fire, by lake, or moorifh fen, 
Blue meagre hag, or ftubborn unlaid ghoft, 
That breaks his magick chains at curfew time, 
No goblin, or fwart fairy of the mine, 
Hath hurtful power o'er true virginity ; 
Do ye believe me yet, or (hall I call 
Antiquity from the old fchools of Greece, 
To teftify the arms of chaftity ? 
Hence had the huntrefs Dlan her dread bow, 
Fair filver-fhafted queen, for ever chafte, 
Wherewith fhe tarn'd the brinded lionefs 
And fpotted mountain-pard, but fet at nought 
The frtv'lous bolt of Cupid; gods and men 
Fear'd her ftern frown, and (he was queen o'th' woods. 
What was the fnaky-headed Gorgon fbield, 

D 2 That 



28 C O M U S. 

That wife Minerva wore, unconquer'd virgin, 
Wherewith fhe freez'd her foes to congeal'd ftone, 
J3ut rigid looks of chatte aufterity, 
And noble grace, that dafli'd brute violence 
With fudden adoration, and blank awe ? 

Youngejl BROTHER. 

But what are virtue's awful charms to thofe, 
Who cannot rev'rence what they never knew ? 

Eldeft BROTHER. 
So dear to heav'n is faintly chaftity, 
That when a foul is found fincerely fo, 
A thoufand livery'd angels lacquey her, 
Driving far off each thing of fin and guilt, 
And in clear dream and folemn vifion 
Tell her of things, that no grofs ear can hear ; 
Till oft converfe with heav'nly habitants 
Begin to caft a beam on th'outward fhape, 
The unpolluted temple of the mind, 
And turn it by degrees to the foul's efience, 
Till all be made immortal. 

Youngeft BROTHER. 

Happy ftate, 
Beyond belief of vice ! 

Eldeft BROTHER. 

But when vile lu(r, 

By unchafte looks, loofe geftures, and foul talk, 
But moft by lewd and lavifti at of fin, 
Lets in defilement to the inward parts, . 
The foul grows clotted by contagion, 
Jmbodies, and imbrutes, till fhe quite lofe 
The divine property of her firft being. 
Such are thofe thick and gloomy fliadows damp 
Oft feen in charnel -vaults and fepulchres, 
Lingring and fitting by a new made grave, 
As loth to leave the body that it lov'd, 

And 



C O M U S. 29 

And link'd itfelf in carnal fenfuality 
To a degen'rate and degraded ftate. 

Youngeft BROTHER. 
How charming is divine philofophy ! 
Not harfh and crabbed, as dull fools fuppofe, 
But mufical as is Apollo's lute, 
And a perpetual feaft of ne&ar'd fweets, 
Where no crude forfeit reigns. 

Eldejl BROTHER. 

Lift, lift; I hear 

Some far-off hallow break the filent air. 
Youngejl BROTHER. 
Methought fo too ; what fhould it be ? 
Eldeft BROTHER. 

For certain 

Either fome one like us night founder'd here, 
Or elfe fome neighbour wood-man, or at worft, 
Some roving robber calling to his fellows. 

Toungejl BROTHER. 

Heav'n keep my fiHer. Ag?in ! again ! and near ! 
Beft draw, and ftand upon our guard. 
Eldejl BROTHER. 

I'll hallow; 

If he be friendly, he comes well j if not, 
Defence is a good caufe, and heav'n be for us. 



Enter the frj} attendant SPIRIT, habited like ajbepherd. 

Youngeft BROTHER. 

That hallow I (hould know - What are you? fpeak; 
Come not too near, you fall on iron flakes elfe. 

F'wjl SPIRIT. 
What voice is that ? My young lord ? Speak again. 

Youngejl BROTHER. 
O brother, 'tis my father's ihepherd fure. 

Eldeft 



30 C O M U S. 

Eldeft BROTHER. 

Thyr/is ? whofe artful ftrains have oft delay 'd 
The huddling brook to hear his madrigal, 
And fweeten'd ev'ry muft-rofe of the dale ? 
How cam'ft thou here, good Twain ? Has any ram 
Slip'n from the fold, or young kid loft his dam, 
Or ftraggiing wether the pent flock forfook ? 
How couldft thou find this dark fequefter'd nook ? 
Fir ft SPIRIT. 

my lov'd matter's heir, and his next joy, 

1 came not here on fuch a trivial toy, 
AS a ftray'd ewe, or to purfue the ftealth 
Of pilf'ring wolf; not all the fleecy wealth, 
That doth enrich thefe downs, is worth a thought 
To this my errand and the care it brought. 

But O my virgin lady ! where is fhe ? 
How chance The is not in your company ? 

Eldeft BROTHER. 

To tell thee fadly, fhepherd, without blame, 
Or our neglect, we loft her as we came. 

Flrji SPIRIT. 
Ah me unhappy ! then my fears are true. 

Eldeft BROTHER. 
What fears, good Thyrfis ? prithee briefly fliew. 

Firjl SPIRIT. 

I'll tell ye ; 'tis not in vain, nor fabulous, 
(Thv/ fo efteem'd by fhallow ignorance) 
What the {age poets, taught by th' heavenly mufe, 
Story 'd of old in high immortal verfe, 
Of dire chimeras, and inchanted ifles, 
And rifted rocks, whofe entrance leads to hell ; 
For fuch there be j but unbelief is blind. 

Eldejl BROTHER. 
Proceed, good fhepherd 5 I am all attention. 

F'irft 



C O M U S. 31 

Flrjl SPIRIT. 

Within the navel of this hideous wood, 
Immur'd in cyprefs (hades a forcerer dwells, 
Of Bacchus and of Circe born,- great Co.mus, 
Deep fkill'd in all his mother's witcheries ; 
And here to ev'ry thirfty wanderer 
By fly enticements gives his baneful cup, 
With many murmurs mix'd, whofe pleafing poifori 
The vifage quite transforms of him that drinks, 
And the inglorious likenefs of a beaft 
Fixes inftead, unmoulding reafon's mintage, 
Chara&er'd in the face. This have I learnt 
Tending my flocks hard by i' th' hilly crofts, 
That brow this bottom glade, whence night by night 
He and his monftrous rout are heard to howl, 
Like ftabled wolves, or tygers at their prey, 
Doing abhorred rites to Hecate 
In their obfcured haunts and inmoft bow'rs. 
Yet have they many baits and guileful fpells, 
And beauty's tempting femblance can put on 
T' inveigle and invite th'unwary fenfe 
Of them that pafs unweeting by the way. 
But hark ! the beaten timbrel's jarring found 
And wild tumultuous mirth proclaim their prefenee : 
Onward they move ; and fee ! a blazing torch 
Gleams thro' the fhade, and this way guides their ffeps. 
Let us withdraw a while, and watch their motions. 

[They retire. 
Enter COM us'* crew revelling, and by turns carejjing each 

other , till they obferve the two brothers; then the 

elder brother advances andfpeaks. 

Eldejl BROTHER. 

What are you ? fpeak ! that thus in wanton riot 
And midnight revelry, like drunken Bacchanals-, 
Invade the filence of thcfe lonely (hades ? 

Flrjl 



32 C O M U S. 

Firjl WOMAN. 

Ye godlike youths, whofe radiant forms excell 
The blooming grace of Maia's winged fon, 
Blefs the propitious ftar, that led you to us j 
We are the happieft of the race of men, 
Of freedom, mirth, and joy the only heirs : 
But you fhall fhare them with us ; for this cup, 
This ne&ar'd cup, the fweet aflurance gives 
Of prefent, and the pledge of future blifs. 

[She offers "em the cup, -which they both put by. 

Eldejl BROTHER. 

Forbear, nor offer us the poifon'd fweets, 
That thus have render'd thee thy fex's fhame, 
All fenfe of honour banifh'd from thy breaft. 

SONG, 
i. 

Fame'* an Echo, prattling double, 
An empty, airy, glitfring bubble ; 
A breath can f well, a breath can Jink it, 
The "wife not worth their keeping think it, 

2. 

Why then, why fuch toil and pain 
Fame'/ uncertain fmiles to gain ? 
Like hcrji/ler Fortune, blind, 
the bejljhts oft unkind, 
And the wor/i her favour find. 

Eldejl BROTHER. 

By her own fentence Virtue ftands abfolv'J,- 
Nor afks an Echo from the tongues of men 
To tell what hourly to herfelf (he proves. 
Who wants his own, no other praife enjoys 5 
His ear receives it as a fulfom tale, 
To which his heart in fecret gives the lye. 

Nay, 



C O M U S. 33- 

Nay, flander'd innocence muft feel a peace, 

An inward peace, which flatter 'd guilt ne'er knew. 

Ytungejl BROTHER. 

How low finks beauty, when by vice debas'd ! 
How fair that form, if virtue dwelt within ! 
But, from this (hamelefs advocate of fhame, 
To me the warbled fong harfh difcord grates. 

Firjl' WOMAN. 

Oh ? how unfeemly fhews in blooming youth 
Such grey feverity ! But come with us, 
We to the bow'r of blifs will guide your fteps ; 
There you fliall tafte the joys that nature (beds 
On the gay fpring of life, youth's flow'ry prime, 
From morn to noon, from noon to dewy eve, 
Each rifing hour by rifing pleafures mark'd. 

SONG. By a Woman In a pnjloral Habit. 



IVould you tafte the noon tide air ? 
To yon fragrant bower repair ', 
Wh,.re, woven with the poplar bough y 
The mantling vine will Jhelter you. 

2. 

Down each fide a fountain flows , 
Tinkling, murmuring, as it goes 
Lightly o'er the mojjy ground. 
Sultry Phoebus fcorching round. 

3- 

Round, the languid herds and/keep, 
Stretch' d o'er funny hillocks Jleep, 
While on the hyacinth and rofe 
The fair does all alone repoje, 
E 



3 4 C~0 M U S. 

4- 

M alone -and in her arms 

Tour breaft may beat to Love'j alarms? 
Till blefi'd t and blejjing, youjhall own 
'The joys of J^ove are joys alone. 

Toungefl BROTHER. 

Short is the courfe of ev'ry la wlefs /pleafure ; 
Grief, like a (hade, on all its footfteps waits, 
Scarce vifible in joy's meridian height; 
But downward as its blaze declining fpeeds, 
The dwarfifh fiiadow to a giant fpreads. 

Firji WOMAN. 

JN^O more ; thefe formal maxims misbecome you, 
They only fuit fufpicious fhrivell'd age. 

SONG. By a Man and two Women* 
Live, and lave, enjoy the fair , 
Bani/h forroiv^ banijh care j 
Mind not what eld dotards fay, 
rfge has had bis fljare of play >, 
Hut youth's ff art begins to-day. 

From the fruits of fweet Delight 
Let not jc are- crow Virtue fright* 
Here in Phafure's vineyard u>e 
Re>ve t -like birds ^ from tree to tree. 
Carelefs, airy^ gay and free. 

Eldejl BROTHER. 

flow can your impious tongues profane the name 
Of facred Virtue, and yet promife pleafure 
In lying fongs of vanity and vice ? 
From virtue fever'd, pleafure phrenzy grows. 
The gay delirium of the fev'rilh mind, 
And always files at reafon's cool return. 

Firjl 



C O M U S. 

Firji WOMAN. 

Perhaps it may ; perhaps the fweeteft joys 
Of love itlelf from paflion's folly fpring j 
But fayj does wifdom greater blifs beftow ? 

Eldejl BROTHER. 

Alike from love's and plcafure's parh you flray, 
In fenfual folly blindly feelcing both, 
Your pleafure riot, luft your boafted love ; 
Capricious, wanton, bold, and brutal luft 
Is meanly felfifJh, when refifted, cruel, 
And, like the blaft of peftilential winds, 
Taints the fweet bloom of nature's faireft forms* 
But love, like od'rous Zepfjyr's grateful breath, 
Repays the flow'r that fweetnefs which it borrows 3 
Uninjuring, uninjur'd, lovers move 
In their own fphere of happinefs contentj 
By mutual truth avoiding mutual blame. 
But we forget : who hears the voice of truthj 
In noify riot and intemp'rance drown'd ? 

Fir/} WOMAN. 

Come, come, my friends, and partners of my jqys, 
Leave to thefe pedant youth their bookifh dreams j 
Poor blinded boys, by their blind guides mifled ! 
A beardlefs Cynic is the fhame of nature, 
Beyond the cure of this infpiring cup j 
And my contempt, at beft, my pity moves. 
Away, nor wafte a moment more about 'em 

CHORUS. 



To COM us' court repair ; 
'There night out-Jhines the day$ 
There yields the melting fair. 

[Exeunt finging. 
E a EUtjt 



$6, C O M U S. 

Eldeft BROTHER. 

She's gone ! may fcorn purfue her wanton arts, 
And all the painted charms that vice can wear. 
Yet oft o'er credulous youth fuch Syrens triumph,. 
And lead their captive fenfe in chains as ftrong 
As links of adamant. Let us be free, 
And, to fecure our freedom, virtuous. 

Youngejl BROTHER. 

But fhould our helplefs filter meet the rage 
Of this infulting troop, what could fhe do ? 
What hope, what comfort, what fupport were left ? 

SPIRIT. 

She meets not them : but yet, if right I guefs, 
A harder trial on her virtue waits. 

Eldeft BROTHER. 
Protect her, heav'n ! But whence this fad conjedure ? 

SPIRIT. 

This evening late, by then the chewing flocks 
Had ta'en their fupper on the fav'ry herb 
Of knot-grafs dew-befprent, and were in fold, 
1 fat me down to watch upon a bank 
With ivy canopy'd, and interwove 
With flaunting honeyfuckle, and began, 
Wrap'd in a pleafmg fit of melancholy, 
To meditate my rural minfrrelfy, 
Till fancy had her fill ; but ere a clofe, 
The wonted roar was up amidft the woods,. 
And fill'd the air with barbarous diflbnance, 
At which I ceas'd, and liften'd them a while. 

Young ffl BROTHER. 

What follow'd then ? O ! if our helplefs fifter 

SPIRIT. 

Straight an unufual flop of fudden filence 
Gave refpite to the drovvfy flighted fteeds, 
That draw the litter of clofe-cuitain'd fleep. 

At 



C O M U S. 37 

At lad a foft and folemn breathing found 

Rofe like a (team of rich diitili'd perfumes, 

And ftole upon the air, that ev'n filence 

Was took ere (he was 'ware, and wifh'd (he might 

Deny her nature, and be never more, 

Still to be fo difplac'd. I was all ear, 

And took in drains, that might create a foul 

Under the ribs of death But oh ! ere long, 

Too well I did perceive it was the voice 
Of my moft honour'd lady, your dear fitter. 
Youngeft BROTHER. 

O my foreboding heart ! Too true my fears 

SPIRIT. 

Amaz'd I flood, harrow'd with grief and fear ; 
And O ! poor haplefs nightingale, thought I, 
How fweet thou fing'ft, how near the deadly fnare ! 
Then down the lawns I ran with headftrong hade, 
Thro' paths and turnings often trod by day, 
Till guiu'ed by my ear, I found the place, 
Where the damn'd wifard, hid in fly difguife 
(For fo by certain figns I knew) had met 
Already, ere my beft fpeed to prevent, 
The aidlefs innocent lady, his wifh'd prey ; 
Who gently afk'd, if he had feen fuch two, 
Suppoilng him fome neighbour villager. 
Longer I durft not (lay; but foon I guefs'd 
Ye were the two (he meant : with that I fprung 
Into fwift flight, till 1 had found you here : 
But farther know I not. 

Youngejl BROTHER. 

O night and (hades ! 

How are ye joined with hell in triple knot 
Againft th' unarmed weaknefs of one virgin, 
Alone, and helplefs ! Is this the confidence 
You gave me, brother ? 

6 EUeJt 



j8 C O M U & 

Eldejl BROTHER. 
Yes ; and keep it ftill,- 
Lean on it fafely; not a period 
ShalJ be unfaid for me. Againft the threats 
Of malice, or of forcery, or that pow'r 
Which erring men call chance, this I hold firm, 
Virtue may beaflaird, but never hurt, 
Surpriz'd by unjuft force, but not inthralFd ; 
Yea, even that, which mifchief meant moft harm, 
Shall in the happy trial prove moft glory. 
But evil on itfelf (hall back recoil, 
And mix no more with goodnefs; when at laft 
Gather'd like fcum, and fettled to itfelf, 
It {hall be in eternal reftlefs change 
Self-fed, and felf-confum'd. If this fail, 
The pillar'd firmament is rottennefs, 
And earth's bafe built on ftubble. But come, let's on ; 
Againft th' oppofing will and arm of heav'n 
May never this juft fword be lifted up ; 
But for that damn'd magician, let him be girt 
With all the griefly legions that troop 
Under the footy flag of Acheron 
Harpyes and Hydras, or all the monftrous forms 
'Twixt Africa and Inde, I'll find him out, 
And force him to reftore his purchafe back, 
Or drag him by the curls to a foul death, 
Curs'd as his life. 

SPIRIT. 

Alas ! good vent'rous youth 1 , 
I love thy courage yet, and bold emprife ; 
But here thy fword can do thee little ftead : 
Far other arms, and other weapons muft 
Be thofe that quell the might of hellifh charms. 
He with his bare wand can unthread thy joints, 
And crumble all thy finews, 

Sl&Jt 



C O M U S. 39 

Eldejl BROTHER. 
Why prithee, fhepherd, 
How durft thou then thyfelf approach fo near, 
As to make this relation ? 

SPIRIT. 

A ftepherd lad, 

Of fmall regard to fee to, yet well (kill'd 
In every virtuous plant and healing herb, 
That fpreads her verdant leaf to the morning ray, 
Has {hewn me fimples of a thoufand names, 
Telling their ftrange and vigorous faculties. 
Amongft the reft a fmall unfightly root, 
But of divine effect, he cull'd me out; 
And bade me keep it as of fov'reign ufe 
'Gainft all enchantment, mildew, blaft, or damp, 
Or ghaftly fury's apparition. 
I purs'd it up. If you have this about you 
(As I will give you when you go) you may 
Boldly aflault the necromancer's hall ; 
Where if he be, with dauntlefs hardyhood 
And brandimed blade rufli on him, break his glafs. 
And (bed the lufcious liquor on the ground j 
But feize his wand, tho' he and his curs'd crew 
Fierce fign of battle make, and menace high, 
Or like the fons of Vulcan vomit fmoak, 
Yet will they foon retire, if he but fhrink. 

Eldeji BROTHER. 

ThyrfiS) lead on apace, I'll follow thee : 
And fome good angel bear a (hield before . 



End of the SECOND ACT. 



40 COMUS. 



ACT III. 

SCENE opens, and flifcovers a magnificent hall in COMUS'J 
palace. Jet off with all the gay decor ati.ns proper for an 
ancient banquetting-rocm. COMUS and attendants /land 
on each fide of the lady^ who is feaied in an incbanted 
chair ; and by her looks and gejlures express great figns of 
tineafenefs and melancholy. 

COMUS fpeats. 

HENCE, loathed Melancholy, 
Of Cerberus and blackeft Midnight born, 
In Stygian cave forlorn. 

'Mongft horrid fliapes, and fhrieks, and fights unholy, 
Find out fome uncouth cell, 

Wheie brooding Darknefs fpreads his jealous wings, 
And the night-raven fings; 

There, under ebon-fhades, and low-brow'd rocks, 
As ragged as thy locks, 
In dark Cimmerian defert ever dwell. 

But come, thou goddefs fair and free, 

In heaven ycleap'd Euphrofyne, 

And by men, heart-eafing Mirth, 

Whom lovely Venus at a birth 

With two lifter graces more, 

To ivy-crown'd Bacchus bore. 

Hafte thee, nymph, and bring with thes 

Jeft and youthful Jollity, 

Quips and cranks, and wanton wiles, 

Nods and becks, and wreathed fmiles, 

Such 



C O M U S. 41 

Such as hang on He&es cheek, 
And love to live in dimple fleek; 
Sport, that wrinkled Care derides, 
And Laughter holding both his fides. 
Com, and trip it as you go, 
On the, light fantattic toe : 
And in thy right hand lead with thee 
The mountain-nymph, fweet Liberty. 



\W r hllJi thefe lines are repeating, enter a nymph repre- 
fenting EUPHROSYNE, or Mirth - t who advances to the 
Lady, and fmgs the following fong. 



SONG. 



i. 

Comc 9 come, bid adieu to fear, 
Love and harmony live here. 
No dome/lick jealous ja rs, 
Buzzing jlander 's, wordy wars 9 
In my pre fence will appear ; 
Love and harmony reign here. 

2. 

V 

Sighs to amorous fighs returning, 
Putfes beating, bojcms burning, 
Bojoms with warm wifl)es panting, 
Words to f peak thofe Wijkes wanting^ 
Are tbs only tumults hery, 
All the ffioes you need to fear ; 
Lave and harmony reign here, 

F LADY. 



41 C O M U S. 

LADY. 

How long muft I, by magick fetters chain'd 
To this detefted feat, hear odious (trains 
Of fhamelefs folly, which my foul abhors ? 

COMUS. 

Ye fedge-crown'd Naiades, by twilight feen 
Along Meander's mazy border green, 
At Camus' call appear in all your azure fheen. 

[He waves bis wand, the Naiades enter, and 
range themfelves in order to dance. 

Now foftly flow let Lydlan meafures move, 
And breathe the pleafing pangs of gentle love. 
In fwimming dance on .air's foft billows float, 
Soft fwell your bofoms with the fwelling note ; 
With pliant arm in graceful motion vie, 
Now funk with eafe, with eafe now lifted high 5 
Till lively gefture each fond care reveal, 
That mufick can exprefs, or paffion feel. 

['The Naiades dance a Jlow dance agreeable to the 
fubjecJ of the preceding lines, and exprejjive of 
the paffion of love. 

[After this dance the Pajloral Nymph advances 
Jlow, with a melancholy and defponding air, to 
the fide of the Jlage, and repeats by way of fo- 
liloquy the firjl fix lines, and then fings the bal- 
lad. In the mean time foe is obfeiv'd by Eu PH RO- 
SY NE, who by her gejlure exprejjes to the au- 
dience her different ftntiments of the fubjeft cf 
her complaint, fuitabfy to the charafler of their 
fevtral Jongs. 

RECI- 



C O M U S. 43 



R E C<I T A T I V O. 

How gentle was my Damon's air f 
Like funny beams bis golden hair, 
His voice was like the nightingale's, 
Morefweet his breath thanfaw'ry vales* 
How hdrdfuch beauties to rejign ! 
And yet that cruel tajk is mine ! 



A B A L L A P. 



i. 

On every bill, in every grove, 

Along the margin of each Jlream, 
Dear confcious fcenes of former love, 

I mourn, andDamon is my theme. 
The hills, the groves, the Jlr earns remain, 
But Damon there I feek in vain. 

2. 

Now to the moffy cave I fly, 

Where to my fwain I oft have fung, 

Well pleas' 'd the brow/ing goats to fpy, 
As o'er the airy fteep they hung. 

The majjy cave, the goats remain, 

But Damon there I feek in vain; 

F z 3. Now 



C O M U S, 



3- 

Now thro' tbe winding vale I pafs, 
And Jtgh to fee tbe well-known Jhade ; 

1 weep, and kifs the bended grafs, 
Wbere Love and Damon fondly ptay'd. 

Tbe va'e, tke /bade, the gra/s remain, 

But Damon there I jeek in vain. 

4- + v, 

From billy from dale, e&ch charm is JJed 9 

Groves, flocks^ and fountains pleafe no 
Each flower in pity droops its head, 

All nature does my lofs deplore. 
All-, all reproach the faithlefs Jwain, 
Yet Damon Jiill I feek in vain. 

RECITATIVO. By EUPHROSYNE, 

Love, the greateft blifi below, 
flow to tafle few women know ; 
Fewer Jiill the way have hit 
Hew a fickle fwain to quit. 
Simple 'nymphs , then learn of me, 
How to treat inconjlancy. 

BALLAD. 

i. 

The wanton gcd, that pierces hearts. 
Dips in gall his pointed darts ; 
But the nymph difdains to pine, 
Who bathes tbe wom^d with rofy wine. 



C O M U S. 



Farewsl lovers, when they're cloy'd j 
If I amfcorn'd, lecaufe enjoy V, 
Sure the fqueami/h fops are free 
To rid me of dull company. 

3- 

They have charms, whilft mine can pleafe, 
I love them much, but more my eafe j 
Nor jealous fears my love moleft, 
filar faithlefs vowsj})all break my reft, 

4- 

Why jhould they e'er give me pain, 
Who to give me joy difdain ? 
All 1 hope of mortal man, 
Js to love me w hlljl he can. 

COMUS /peaks. 

Caft thine eyes around and fee, 

How from every element 
Nature's fweets are cull'd for thee, 

And her choiceft bleffings fent. 

Fire, water, earth, and air combine 

To cotnpofe the rich repaft, 
Their aid the diftant feafons join, 

To court thy fmell, thy fight, thy tafte. 

Hither, fummer, autumn, fpring, 
Hither all your tributes bring j 
All on bended knee be feen, 
faying homage to your queen, 

[After 



46 C O M U S. 

[After this they put on their chapkts, and prepare for the 
feaft ; while COM u s is advancing with his cup, and one 

of his attendants offers a chaplel to the Lady (which Jhe 

throws on the ground with indignation) the preparation 
for the feaft is interrupted by lofty and folemn nmfick 
from above, whence the fee end attendant SPIRIT defcends 

gradually in a fplendid machine, repeating the following 

lines. 

Second SPIRIT fpeaks, 
From the realms of peace above, 
From the fource of heav'nly love, 

From the flany throne of Jove, 
Where tuneful mufes, in a glitt'ring ring, 
To the celeftial lyre's eternal firing, 

Patient Virtue's triumph ling : 
To thefe dim labyrinths, where mortals ftray, 

Maz'd in paflion's pathlefs way, 
To fave thy purer breaft from fpot and blame 
Thy guardian fpirit came. 

[He advances to the Lady, and fin gs, remaining Jlill in- 
vifible to COM us and his crew, but heard by them with 
fame concern^ which they endeavour to dijfemble. 

SONG. 



i. 

Nor on beds of fading flowers, 

Shedding foon their gaudy pride ; 
Nor with fwains in Syren bowers, 

Will true pleafure long refide, 

2, Oa 



C O M U S. 47 

2. ' 
On awful virtue's bill fublime. 

Enthroned fits if? immortal fair ; 
Who wins her height, muft patient climb) 

Thejleps are peril, toil and care. 

So from the.firft did Jove or da.in ^ 
Eternal blifs for tranfient pain. 

[The SPIRIT reafcends, the mufick playing 
loud and folemn. 

LADY. 

Thanks, heav'nly fongfter ! whofoe'er thou art, 
Who deign'ft to enter thefe unhallow'd walls 
To bring the fong of Virtue to mine ear ! 
O ceafe not, ceafe not the melodious ftrain, 
Till my rapt foul high on the fwelling note 
To heav'n afcend far from thefe horrid fiends ! 

CoMUS. 

Mere airy dreams of air-bred people thefe ! 
Who look with envy on more happy man, 
And would decry the joys they cannot tafte. 
Quit not the fubftance for a (talking fliade 
Of hollow Virtue, which eludes the grafp. 
Drink this, and you will fcorn fuch idle tales. 

[He offers the cup, which Jhe puts ly t and 
attempts to rife. 

Nay, lady, fit; if- 1 but wave this wand, 
Your nerves are all bound up in alabafter, 
And you a ftatue ; or, as Daphne was, 
Root-bound, that fled dpollo. 

LADY. 



4$ C O M U S 

LADY. 

Fool, do not boaft ; 

Thou can'ft not touch the freedom of my mind 
With all thy charms, altho' this corp'ral rind 
Thou haft immanacl'd, while heav'n fees good. 

COMUS. 

Why are you vex'd, lady ? why do you frown? 
Here dwell no frowns nor anger j from thefe gates 
Sorrow flies far. See, here be all the pleafures 
That fancy can beget on youthful thoughts, 
When the frefti blood grows lively, and returns 
Brifk as the April buds in primrofe feafon. 
And firft behold this cordial julep here, 
That flames and dances in his cryftal bounds, 
With fpirits of balm and fragrant fyrups mix'd. 
"Not that Nepenthes, which the wife of Thane 
In JEgypt gave to Jove-bom Helena, 
Is of fuch pow'r to ftir up joy, as this, 
To life fo friendly, or fo cool to thirft. 

LADY. 

Know, bafe deluder, that I will not tafte it. 
Keep thy detefted gifts for fuch as thefe. 

[Poixts to bis crew. 

COMUS. 

Why fhou'd you be fo cruel to yourfelf, 
And to thofe dainty limbs, which nature lent 
For gentle ufage and foft delicacy ? 
But you invert the cov'nants of her truft, 
And harfhly deal, like an ill borrower, 
With that which you receiv'd on other terms, 
Scorning the unexempt condition, 
By which all human frailty muft fubfift, 
Refrefhment after toil, eafe after pain ; 
That have been tir'd all day without repaft, 

And 



C O M U S. 49 

And timely reft have wanted. But, fair virgin, 
This will reftore all foon. 

LADY. 

'Twill not, falfe traitor ! 
'Twill not reftore the truth and honefty 
That thou haft banifh'd from thy tongue with lies. 
Was this the cottage, and the fafe abode 
Thou told'ft me of? Hence with thy brew'd enchantment*. 
Haft thou betray'd my credulous innocence 
With vizor'd falfhood, and bafe forgery ? 
And would 'ft thou feek again to trap me here 
With lick'rifh baits, fit toenfnarea brute? 
Were it a draught for Juno when fhe banquets, 
I wou'd not tafte thy treas'nous offer None, 
But fuch as are good men, can give good things, 
And that which is not good is not delicious 
To a well-govern'd and wife appetite. 

COMUS. 

O, foolimnefs of men ! that lend their ears 
To thofe budge doctors of the Stn'c fur, 
And fetch their precepts from the Cynic tub, 
Praifing the lean and fallow Abftinence. 
Wherefore did Nature pour her bounties forth 
With fuch a full and unwithdrawing hand 
Cov'ring the earth with odours, fruits, and flocks, 
Thronging the feas with fpawn innumerable, 
But all to pleafe and fate the- curious tafte ? 
And fet to work millions of fpinning worm?, 
That in their green fhops weave the fmooth-hair'd filk, 
To deck rur fons ; and, that no corner might 
Be vacant of her plenty, in her own loins 
She hutch'd th'all-worfhip'd ore, and precious gem$ 
To ftore her children with; if all the world 
Should in a pet of temp'rance feed on puife, 
Drink the clear dream, and nothing wear but frize, 

G Th' All- 



50 C O M U S. 

Th* All-giver would be unthank'd, wou'd be unprais'd, 

Not half his riches known, and yet defpis'd, 

And we (hould ferve him as a grudging matter, 

As a penurious niggard of his wealth, 

And live like Nature's baftards, not her fons ; 

Who woulci be quite furcharg'd with her own weight, 

And ftrangled with her wafte fertility. 

LADY. 

I had not thought to have unlock'd my lips 
In this unhallow'd air, but that this juggler 
Wou'd think to charm my judgment, as mine eyes, 
Obtruding falfe rules, prank'd in reafon's garb. 
I hate when Vice can bolt her arguments, 
And Virtue has no tongue to check her pride. 
Impoftor. do not charge moft innocent nature, 
As if flic would her children {hould be riotous 
With her abundance. She, good caterefs. 
Means her provifion only to the good, 
That live according to her fober laws, . 

And holy dictate of fpare Temperance. 
If ev'ry juft man, that now pines with want, 
Had but a mod'rate and befeeming fliare 
Of that which lewdly-pamper'd Luxury 
Now heaps upon fome few with vaft excefs> 
Nature's full bleffings would be well difpens'd 
In unfuperfluous even proportion, 
And flic no whit encumber'd with her ftore ; 
And then the Giver wou'd be better thank'd. 
His praife due paid. For fwinifli Gluttony 
Ne'er looks to heaven amidft his gorgeous feaft, 
But with befotted bafe ingratitude 
Crams, and blafphemes his feeder. Shall I go on ? 
Or have I faid enough ? 

COMUSr 



C O M U S. 5 x 

CoMUS. 

Enough to fhew 

That you are cheated by the lying boafts 
Of ftarving pedants, that affect a fame 
From fcorning pleafures, which they cannot reach. 

EUPHROSYNE fingS. 

i. 

Preach not to me your mujly rules^ 

Te drones that mould in idle cell ; 
The heart is wifer than thefchools^ 

The fenfes always reafen well. 

2. 

Ifjhort my /pan, 1 lefs can fpare 

To pafs a fingle pkafure by y 
An hour is long, if bjl in care ; 

They only live^ who life enjoy. 

COMUS. 

Thefe are the maxims of the truly wife, 
Of fuch as pra&ife what they preach to others. 
Here are no hypocrites, no grave diflemblers ; 
Nor pining grief, nor eating cares approach us, 

Nor fighs, nor murmurs but of gentle Love, 

Whofe woes delight : What muft his pleafures then ? 

EUPHROSYNE Jings. 

Te Fauns, and ye Dryads, from hill, dak) and grove, 
Trip, trip it along^ conduced by Love j 
' Swifi/y refort to COM US* gay court, 
And in various meafures Jbew Love'* various fport. 

G 2 Enter 



52 C O M U S. 

Enter the Fauns and Dryads, and attend to the following 
direfl'ons. Tht tune is played a fecond tlmt, to whick 
they dunce. 

Now lighter and gayer, ye tinkfaxg firings^ found , 
Light) iigh' In t/x air, ye wimble rymphs, bound. 
Now, n'.w with quick feet the ground beat* ''eat, beat ; 
Now with quick fed the ground beat, teat, beat, &c. 

N'tv cold,avd denying, 
Now kind and complying. 
Consenting, repmtirg, 
Dijdaining, complairing, 
Indiffere>ice now feigning, 
jfgain with quick feet the ground beat, beat, beat. 

[Exeunt dancers* 

COMUS. 

Lift, lady, be not coy, and benotoozen'd 
\Vith that fame vaunted name Virginity. 
Beauty is nature's coin, muft not be hoarded, 
But muft be current, and the good thereof 
Confifls in mutual and partaken blifs, 
Unfavory in th' enjoyment of itfelf : 
If you let flip time, like a neg!eted rofe, 
!t withers on the ftalk with languifh'd head. 
Beauty is nature's brag, and muft be fhowa 
In courts, at feafts, and high folemnities, 
\Vhere moft may wonder at the workmanfhip. 
It is for homely features to keep home, 
They had their name thence : Coarfe complexions, 
And cheeks of furry grain, will ferve to ply 
The fampler, and to teaze the houfe wife's wool. 
What need a vermeil-tindur'd lip for that, 
Love-darting eyes, ortrefles like the morn? 

There 



C O M U S. 53 

There was another meaning in thefe gifts; 

Think what, and be advis'd : you are but young ycti 

This will inform you foon. 

LADY. 

To him that dares 

Arm his profane tongue with contemptuous words 
Againft the fun-clad power of Chaftity, 
Fain would I fomething fay, yet to what purpofe? 
Thou haft no ear, nor foul to apprehend ; 
And thou art worthy that thou fhould'ft not know 
More happinefa than this thy prefent lot. 
Enjoy your dear wit, and gay rhetorick, 
That has fo wel! been taught her dazling fence: 
Th -u art not fit to hear thyfelf cor.vinc'd j 
Yet ftiould I try, the uncontroled worth 
Of this pure caufe would kindle my rapt fpirits 
To fuch a flame of facred vehemence, 
That dumb things would be mov'd to fympathize, 
And the brute earth would lend her nerves, and (hake, 
Till all thy magic ftruclures, rear'd fo high, 
Were fhatter'd into heaps o'er thy falfe head. 

COM us. 

She fables not, I feel that I do fear 
Her words fet off by fome fuperior pow'r ; 
And tho' not mortal, yet a cold fliudd'ringdewr 
Dips me all o'er, as when the wrath of J&ve 
Speaks thunder, and the chains of Erebus 
To fome of Saturn 5 crew. I mult diflemble, 

And try her yet more ftrongly Come, no more, 

This is meer moral babble, and direct 
Againft the canon laws of our foundation j 
I muft not fuffer this, yet 'tis but the lees 
And fettlings of a melancholy blood ; 
But this will cure all {height, one fip of this 

Will 



54 C O M U S. 

Will bathe the drooping fpirits in delight, 

Beyond the blifs of dreams. Be wife, and tafte. - 

[Tbf Brpthers rujb in with fword* drawn, wre/l the glafs 
out of his band> and break it again/I the ground ; his 
rout makefigns of reft/lance^ but are all driven in. 

Enter the firjl SPIRIT. 
What, have you let the falfe enchanter fcape ? 
O, ye miftook, you fhould have fnatch'd hi& wand, 
And bound him faft : without his rod revers'd, 
And backward mutters of diflev'ring pow'r, 
We cannot free the lady, that fits here 
In ftony fetters fix'd, and motionlefs. 
Yet ftay, be not difturb'd ; now I bethink me, 
$ome other means I have, which may be us'd, 
Which once of Meliboeus old I learn'd, 
The footheft ihepherd that e'er pip'd on plains : 
I learn'd 'em ther when with my fellow fwain, 
The youthful Lycjaas, his flocks I fed. 

There is a gentle nymph not far from hence, 
That with moift curb fways the fmooth Severn ftream, 
Sabrina is her name, a virgin pure : 
And, as the old fwain faid, (he can unlock 
The clafping charm, and thaw the numbing fpell, 
If ihe be right invok'd in warbled fongj 
For maidenhood (he loves, and will be fwift 
To ad a virgin, fuch as was herfelf. 
vnd fee the fwain himfelf in feafon cojnes. 

Enter the Second SPIRIT. 

. e, Lycidfis, and try the tuneful ttrain, 

> ' .jch from her bed the fair Sabrina cajls. 

SONG, 



C O M U S. 5 

SONG. By a third SPIRIT. 

SABRINA fair, 
Lift en whe*e tbou art fitting 
Under the glajjy^ cool 9 trarjlucent wave, 
In tw'ijled braids of liilies knittvg 
The loofe train of thy amber dropping bi-ir ; 
Lift en fir dear honou y $ fake y 
Goddefs of the fiber lake> 
Lift en and five. 

{SABRINA rlfes^ attended by Water-nymphs^ andfingi.] 

By the rujhy- fringed bank, 
Where grows the willow and the ofier dank, 

My Jllding cha ritfftay s, 
Thick fit with agat t and the azwe Jheen 
Of Turk is blue ', and em 'raid gr "em , 

That in the channdftrays \ 
Whilft from off the waters fleet 
Thus Ifet my printlefi feet 
O'er the ctwJJips velvet head, 
That tends not as I tread ; 
Gentle fwain, at thy reque/t, 
I am here. 

RECITATIVO. 

Third SPIRIT. 

Qodclefs dear, 

We implore thy powerful hand 
To undo the charmed band 

Of true virgin here diftreffd* 
Thro 1 the force, and thro' the wile* 
Qf unblejSd enchanter vile. 

RECI- 



C O M U S. 

R E C I T A T I V O. 

SABRINA. 
^ 'tis my office heft 
To help enfnared chajlity : 
"Brigkteft lady, kok on me ; 

Thus I fprinkle on thy breajl 
Drops, that from my fountain pure 
/ have kept, of precious cure ; 
Thrice upon thy finger's tip t 
TIjrice upon thy ruby'd lip ; 
Next this marble venom' d feat, 
Smear' d with gums of glutinous heat t 
I touch with ckajle palms moijl and cold: 
Now thefpell hatb lojl his hold ; 
And I muft hajle, ere jnzrning-houry 
To wait in Amphitrite'j bower. 

SABRINA defcends^ and the Lady rifesoutofherfeat$ 
the Brothers embrace her tenderly. 



BROTHER. 
I oft had heard, but ne'er believ'd till novr, 
There are, who can by potent magick fpells 
Bend to their crooked purpofe nature's laws, 
Blot the fair moon from her refplendent orb, 
Bid whirling planets flop their deftin'd courfe, 
And thro' the yawning earth from Stygian gloom 
Call up the meagre ghoft to walks of light : 
It may be fo, - for fome myfterious end ! 
Yet ftill the freedom of the mind, you fee, 
No fpell can reach j that righteous Jove forbids, 
Left man ftiould call his frail divinity 
The flave of evil, or the fport of chance. 



C O M U S. 57 

Youngejl BROTHER. 

Why did I doubt ? Why tempt the wrath of heav'n 
To flied juft vengeance on my weak diftruft ? 
Here fpotlefs innocence has found relief, 
By means as wond'rous as her ftrange diftrefs. 
Inform us, Tbyrjts, if for this thine aid 
We aught can pay, that equals thy defert ? 

Firjl SPIBIT. 

Pay it to heaven, that lent you grace 
To efcape this curfed place ; 
To heaven, that here has try'd your youth, 
Your faith, your patience, and your truth, 
And fent you thro' thefe hard eflays 
With a crown of deathlefs praife. 

[Then the two firjl SPIRITS advance and fpeak alter- 
nately the following lines, which MlLTON calls 
Epiloguizing. 

To the ocean now I fly, 

And thofe happy climes that lye. 

Where day never fhuts his eye, 

Up in the broad fields of the Iky : 

There I fuck the liquid air, 

All amidft the gardens fair 

Of HefperuSy and his Daughters three, 

That fing about the golden tree. 

Along the crifped (hades and bowers 
Revels the fpruce and jocund Spring ; 
The Graces and the i ofy-bofom'd Hours 
Thither all their bounties bring ; 
There eternal Summer dwells, 
And weft-winds with mufky wing 
About the cedar'n alleys fling 
Nard and CaJ/ia's balmy fmells. 

H Now 



58 C Q M U S, 

Now my tafk is fmoothly done, 
I can fly, or I can run 
Quickly to the green earth's end, 
Where the bow'd welkin flow doth bend 
And from thence can foar as foon 
To the corners of the moon. 
Mortals, that would follow me, 
Love Virt *, fhe alone is free : 
She can teach you how to climb 
Higher than the fpheiy chime; 
Or, if Virtue feeble were, 
Jleaven itfelf would ftoop to her; 

CHORUS. 

Taught ly Virtue, you may climb 
Higher than the fphery chims\ 
Qr, if Virtue feeble were^ 
fdeaven itjelf would Jloop to her* 



FINIS. 




THE 




O F 



BETHNAL GREEN. 



By R. D o D s L E y. 




LONDON: 

Printed forR.DoosLEY in Pall-Mall ; and fold 
by T. COOPER in Pater-nofter-Row. 

MDCCXLI, 



II T 



--;:. W: :..:.. '; ; 

* - . .- - 



J4H' 



f 






ADVERTISEMENT. 

On Saturday the 3d of January began to be publijtfd* 

And is continued Weekly, 

THE 

PUBLICK REGISTER: 

OR, THE 

WEEKLY MAGAZINE. 

CONTAINING, 

I. Original Letters and Effays on various Subjects ; 
particularly on all Branches of Polite Learning and 
ufeful Science. 

II. Poetical E/ays< 

III. Records of Literature .' Being a Compendious 
Account of whatever Books are publifh'd ei- 
ther at Home or Abroad, worthy the Attention 
of the Publick. 

IV. The Subftance of the Debates. 

V. The moft authentick, and by much the Jargeft 
Collection of News Foreign and Domeftick. 

VI. The Arrival of Ships at Home and Foreign 
Ports ; an Account of the Exports anjd Imports -, 
the Rife 2nd Fall of Stocks -, the Price of Goods 
at Bear-Key ; of Hay, Sheep and Oxen at Smith- 

fitU. 

VII. Births, Deaths, Marriages, Preferments, and 
whatever renders a Paper of this Sort ufeful to the 
Publick. 

N. B. Thofe who intend to take this Paper , need only 
fpeak to the Perfons ivbo fuppiy them veiib News, 
and they will be punctually ferv'd. 

Printed for R. DODSLEY, at Tullfs Head in 
Pall-Mall, and fold by T. Cooper, at the 



CPrice Three Pence.) 



PERSONS. 

The Blind BEG GAR, Mr. Berry. 

BESSY, his Daughter, Mrs. Clive. 

Sir WILLIAM MORLEY, <>t Mr . CaflleIL 

love with her, 



" ". Lowe. 



to BESS Y f 
JOHN SLY, j as a Mijlrefs, ^ Mr Tafwel> 



Neighbours, Paffengers, &c. 






SCENE, Bethnal Green, and the 
BcggarV Houfe upon it. 






(7) 




THE 






iSltnu 




O F 



BETHNAL GREEN. 



SCENE I. The Beggar s Houfe. 

WEI.FORD alone. 

RUE, ihe is but a Beggar's Daugh- 
ter, yet her Perfon is a Miracle ; 
and her amiable Qualities fuch as 
might well befit a better Station. 
The Fame of her uncommon Beauty is now 
fpread round the Country^ and every Day pro- 
B 2 duces 




(8). 

duces fome new Rival of my Happinefs. 
How can I hope her Heart will continue 
mine, againft fo many, and fuch power- 
ful Competitors? But him whom I moft fear 
is Sir V/illiam Morley ; and her Letter to me 
concerning him has alarm'd me. But here 
{he comes. 

SCENE II. 

BESSY, WELFORD. 

Ah Be/y ! What is it you tell me ? Surely 
you will not be fo unkind ! 
r BESSY. 

You ought not, Welford -, you cannot juflly 
accufc me of Unkindnefs. 

WELFORD. 

Is it not unkind, to tell me you will marry 
Sir William Morley ? 

BESSY. 
I will obey my Father. 

WELFORD. 

I am much afraid, BeJ/y, your Duty to your 
Father is not the only Motive to your Obe- 
dience in this AfFair. Sir William has Wealth 
and Titles to beftow. 

BESSY. 



(9) 

BESSY. 

Now you are unkind, nay cruel, to think 
that any Motive fo mean as that of Intereft or 
Vanity, could have the leaft Influence over 
me. 

WELFORD. 

What can I think ? 

BESSY. 

Think on the Situation I am in ; think on 
my Father. Can I leave him, blind and help- 
lefs, to ftruggle with Infirmity and Want, when 
it is in my Power to make his old Age com- 
fortable and happy ? 

SONG. 

The faithful Stork behold, 
A duteous Wing prepare? 

Its Sire, grown weak and old, 
Tofetd with conftant Care : 

Should I my Father leave, 

Grown old, and weak, and blind-, 

1o think on Storks, would grieve 

Andfhame my weaker Mind. 

WEI- 



WELFORD. 

That fhall be no Objection ; no Beffy, whilft 
thefe Hands can work, he never mall know 
Want i Your Father (hall be mine, nay deaf- 
er, a thoufand Times dearer to me than my 
own. 

BESSY. 

Why can I not requite fuch feithful Love ? 

[Afide. 

But Welford) fuppofe my Father commands me 
to marry Sir William, would you have me dif- 
obeyhim? . 'Tis true, he is but a poor Man, 
a Beggar, yet he is my Father j and the befl 
of Fathers he has been to me. 
WELFORD. 

He is the beft of Men : and, if Report fay 
true a far from a common Beggar. 
BESSY. 

Sometimes, indeed, I myfelf fufpecl that he 
is not what he feems ; and what principally in- 
duces me to it is the extraordinary Care he has 
taken of my Education, inftruding mehimfelf, 
and teaching me a thoufand Things above my 
Sphere of Life; and this is a further Reafon 

>vhy I ought not to difobey him. 

Wit- 



WE L FORD. 

You (hall not difobey him, I will not defire 
it. But fuppoie it were poffible for me to 
gain his Confent ? 

BESSY. 

Then you have mine -, for believe me, Wcl- 

ford, I can propofe no Happinefs to myfelf, if 

not with you ; and mould I marry Sir William, 

it is only becaufe I chufe rather to make myfelf 

unhappy than my Father. 

WELFORD. 

Unequall'd Goodnefs ! Surely he will not 
make you miferable, who are fo afraid of 
making him fo ! And he is too wife to think 
all Happinefs confm'd to Greatnefs. 

SONG. 

Obferve the fragrant ttujhing Rofe, 
Tbo in the humble Vale it fpring, 
Itfmells asfweet y as fair it blows, 
As in the Garden of a King: 
So calm Content as oft is found compleat 
In the low Cot, as in the lofty Seat, 



( 12 ) 

I will go this Inftant to him, and try how far 
I can prevail. I hope your Wifhes will be in 
my Favour. 

BESSY. 

Go, I dare not wi(h, left they mould be 
too much fo. For how ftrongly foever I may 
be determined to obey my Father, I fear that 
Love will fteal away my Heart in fpite of Duty. 

[Exeunt. 
SCENE III. Bethnal Crreen. 

: 

Enter the Blind Beggar led in by a Boy. 

BEGGAR. 

So, Boy, we are at our Journey's End I 
find: corfre ftay by me, there's a good Boy. 

tfwo Paffetlgers crofs the Stage. 

Pray remember the Blind ! 

i PASS. 



( 13) 

1 PASS. 

I have nothing for you, Friend. One can- 
not ftir a Step without being plagu'd with the 

Cant of Beggars. 

2 PASS. 

? Tis an infamous Thing in a trading Coun- 
try, that the Poor are not fome way or other 
employ *d. 

\fThey go out. 

BEGGAR. 

I am afraid the Rich are employ'd full as ill ; 
and what is ftill worfe, the Poor are not the 
only Beggars. Wants, real or imaginary, 
reach all States 5 and as fome beg in Rags, 
there are fome not afham'd to beg even in 
Lace and Velvet. All Men are Beggars in 
fome Shape or other ; thofe only are fcandalous 
ones, who beg by Impudence what they 
Should earn by Merit. 



SONG 



r 14 ) 

SONG, 

Let Pegging m longer le taunted, 

If honeft and free from Offence j 
Were each Man to beg what he wanted^ 

How many would Beggars commence! 
Grave Church-men might beg for more Grace, 

Toung Soldier* for Courage might call-, 
And many that beg for a Penfion or Place, 

Might beg for fomc Merit withat. 

SCENE IV. 

Enter another Pafienger. 

BEGGAR. 
Pray remember the Blind ! 

PASS. 

So, Neighbour, you are got to your old Seat 
this Afternoon. 

BEG- 



( '5 ) 
BEGGAR. 
Is not that my Neighbour Greenfield ? 

PASS. 
Ay. 

BEGGAR. 

You have been in Town, . I fuppofe, what 
News ? 

PASS. 

I hear none, but that the Earl of EJ/ex is 
dead this Morning. 

BEGGAR. 

The Earl of Effex dead ! That's greater 
News to me than you imagine. 

PASS. 
I hope it is not bad. 

BEGGAR. 
No, 

PASS. 

Here 's my Lord Ranfy feems to be coming 

this Way, as if he wanted to fpeak with you. 

BEGGAR. 

Does he ? Well, I am prepar'd for him. This 
worthy Man is one of thofe who has the Good- 
nefs, becaufe he thinks me poor, to follicit me 
to proftitute my Daughter, and fell her Virtue 

for his borrow'd Gold, 

C 2 PASS. 



( 16 ) 

PASS. 

Very charitable truly! an4 J don't doubt 
but you'll thank him as he deferves. Good 
bye. 

BEGGAR. 

I wim you a good Walk. 

[Exit. PafTenger 



SCENE V. 



Enter Lord Ranby. 

RANBY. 

Well, honeft Beggar, have you thought of 
the Propofals I made when I faw you laft ? 

BEGGAR. 

Yes, I have thought of you and your Pro- 
pofals, with Contempt. 

RANBY. 
With Contempt! 

BEGGAR. 

Yes, my Lord, with Contempt. 
RANBY. 

Don't be impudent, Friend. 

BEG- 



( '7 ; 

BEGGAR. 
'Tis not I that am impudent, my Lord. 

RANBY. 

Hark ye, old Fellow, were it not for your 
Paughter, your Age fhould not protect your 
Infolence. 

BEGGAR. 

And were it not for my Age, young Fellow, 
your Quality mould not protect yours. Info- 
lence ! I'd have thee know, proud Lord, my 
Birth is at leaft equal to thine -, and tho' now 
a Beggar, I have not yet difgrac'd my Family, 
as thou haft done. Go home, young Man, 
and pay your Debts, it will more become you 
than this infamous Errand. 
RANBY. 

J Tis very well : but I mall perhaps make 
you repent this Freedom. 

BEGGAR. 

Repent your own Follies, Child -, no honefl 
Freedom ought to be repented of. 

RANBY. 

You are a brave Fellow ! 
BEGGAR. 

And you are not a braye Fellow. 

RANBY. 



r is ; 

RANBY. 

The old Wretch confounds me fo I don't 
know what to fay. [Afute.] I fhall take a Courfe 
with you, Sir, for this Impudence. 
BEGGAR. 

An idle Courfe you have taken all your Life j 

be wife, and mend it. 
_, 
RANBY. 

Damn him ! Why mould I talk to fuch a 

Creature ? I muft enjoy his Daughter however j 

and fince fair Means won't prevail, foul 

muft. [Exit. 

BEGGAR. 

What ftrange Creatures are the greater!: Part 
of Mankind ! What a Compofition of Contra- 
dictions! Always purfuing Happinefs, yet ge- 
nerally thro' fuch Ways as lead to Mifery : 
Admiring every Virtue in others, indulging 
themfelves in every Vice : fond of Fame, yet 
labouring for Infamy. In fo bad a World, the 
Lofs of Sight is not really fo great an Evil as 
it may be apprehended. 

SONG. 



( '9) 

. S O N G. 

Tho Darknefs [till attends me, 

It aids internal Sight ; 
And from fuch Scenes defends me l 

As blufi to fee the Night. 
No Villain's Smile deceives me, 

No gilded Fop offends, 
No 'weeping Object grieves me, 

Kind Darknefs me befriends; 

Henceforth no ufelefs Waitings, 

IJind no Reafon why -, 
Mankind to their own Failings 

Are all as blind as L 



Who fainted Vice defires, 

Is blind, whatever he thinks -, 
Who Virtue not admires, 

Js either blind, or winks. 

SCENE 



(20 ) 

SCENE VtL 
Enter JOHN SLY. 

SLY. 

Friend, if thou beeft at leifure, I would com- 
mune with thee. 

BEGGAR. 
Is not that Mr. Sly ? 

SLY. 

John Sty, at thy Service. 
BEGGAR. 

Well, Friend Sly, what is your Pleafure with 
me? 

SLY. 

Thou haft a Daughter, Friend, whofe 
Charms I have beheld with the Eye of Wonder 
and Admiration. As a Goldfinch among Spar- 
rows, or as a Peacock amongft Fowls, even 
fuch is thy Child amongft the Daughters of 
Men. Her Beauty maketh the Rofe to blum 
with Shame, and the Lilly turneth pale with 
Envy thereat. Ah, Friend ! what pity it were 
this innocent Lamb mould fall amongft Wolves, 

and be devoured ! 

BEGGAR. 

It were great pity, indeed. 

SLY. 

My Soul melteth in Companion, yea, my 
Heart is moved with Affection unto her : Let 

her 



her be mine Handmaid, and I will protect her 
from the Pollutions of the Ungodly. 
BEGGAR. 

And fo, Friend, thou would'fl debauch my 
Daughter thyfelf, that the Wicked may not 
have the Sin to anfwer for. 
SLY. 

Nay, Friend, thou flioukTft not call it de- 
bauching her. Come, come, I will make a 
Proportion that {hall pleafe thee. Thou art a 
poor Man, and thou knoweft that I am rich ; 
what Part of my Fortune fhall I give unto her ? 
Name the Sum, and it fhall be fettled upon her 
according to thy Direction. 
BEGGAR. 

How dare any Man have the Impudence to 
afk another the Price of his Virtue ! Surely, 
Friend, thou muft be very glad that I am blind. 
SLY. 

Why fo. Friend ? 

BEGGAR. 

Becaufe I cannot fee how much like a Rogue 
thou muft now look. Out of my Reach, vile 
Hypocrite, or I will make thee feel the Weight 
of my Refcntment ! 

D SLY. 



( 22 ) 

SLY. 

Verily, Friend, thou knoweft not the Ways 
of the World, nor the Wifdom thereof But 
I will not be caft down, the Daughter may 
perhaps have more Wit than her Father ; I 
will try at leaft. 



SCENE VII. 
Enter WELFORD. 

WELFORD. 

How (hall I addrefs him ? Sure there is fome- 
jthing venerable about this poor old Man j fome- 
thing that commands more than common Re- 
verence and Refpedl. {A fids.) I am come, 
Sir, to fpeak with you about an Affair that to 
me is of Confequence, and I beg you will not 
think me impertinent or troublefome. 

BEGGAR. 

Who is it, that can be afraid of being im- 
pertinent to a poor Beggar ? 

WELFORD. 
My Name is Welford. 

BEGGAR. 

O, I know you very well, Mr. Welfbrd t your 
Father was 'formerly my very good Friend and 
Benefactor 5 I was forry, poor Gentleman, for 

his 



(23 ) 

his Misfortunes ; all he had, I think, was loft a t 

Sea. 

WELFORD. 

'Tis true ; and my chief Misfortune in that 
Lofs, is, that it has depriv'd me of the Power 
of making it your's. 

BEGGAR. 

I underftand ye - 9 you have a Kindnefs for 
my Daughter, and would have married her ; 
I have heard fomething of it, and fuppofe that 
is the Bufmefs you are come about, is it not ? 

WELFORD. 
It is, and I hope I mall have your Gonfent. 

BEGGAR. 

Mr. Welford, I had a Refpecl for your Fa- 
ther, for his fake I have a Regard for you j and 
as you have unhappily no Fortune of your own, 
I would not have you do fo imprudent a thing as 
to marry the Daughter of a Beggar. 

WELFORD. 

I have already learnt not to place any Part of 
my Happinefs in the Enjoyment of Riches j and 
my Heart tells me, that the greateft Pleafure I 
could have, would be to maintain you and your 
Daughter by the honeft Labour of my Hands. 
tr 2 SONG. 



SONG. 

keep my gentle BerTy, 

What Labour would ff em hard? 
Each toilfome Task how eafy ! 

Her Love the fweet Reward. 
The Bee thus uncomplaining, 

Efteems no Toil fever e y 
The fweet Reward obtaining., 

Of Honey 'all the Tear. 

BEGGAR. 

Your Intentions are very kind, and I don't 
doubt but your Love to my Daughter is fin- 
cere ; but-I would have you fupprefs it : For, to 
deal plainly with you, I have already determined 
to marry my Daughter to Sir William Mor/ey. 

WELFOKD. 

But will you marry her to Sir William againft 
her Confent ? 

BEGGAR. 

I doubt not her Confent ; me never difobey'd 
me yet j and will not now, I dare fay. 

WELFORD. 



( 25 ) 

WELFORD. 

I know flie will obey if you command -, but 
furely, in an Affair of fo much Confequence 
to her, you will have fome Regard to her own 
Happinefs. Let me only beg you to confider 
this, and then I leave it to your paternal Af- 
fection. At prefent I will trouble you no fur- 
ther. [Exit. 
BEGGAR. 

I have confider'd of it, and I hope me will 
confider of it too. I would not make my 
Child unhappy, nor will I marry her againft 
her Mind : but Sir William, befides the Large- 
nefs of his Fortune, is of fo good-natur'd and 
agreeable a Difpofition, that I hope fhe wil[ 
fbon be won to tafle the Happinefs of her Con- 
dition, and then will thank me for my Care. 
Come, Boy, the Wind methinks blows cold 
here, we'll go to the other Side of the Green. 

[Exit. 



SCENE 



SCENE VIII. 

SCENE changes to the BEGGAR'S Hottfi; 
Sir WILLIAM MOULDY and BESSY. 

BESSY. 

I am very fenfible. Sir William, of the Ho- 
nour you do me in defcending fo much beneath 
yourfelf, as to think of marrying the Daugh- 
ter of a Beggar. 

/r WILLIAM. 

My dear Beflj, talk not of In equality 5 true 
Love forgets Condition, and defpifes any 
Thought fo mean as that of Intereft. 
BESSY. 

Some would efteem fuch Love at beft but 
Weaknefs. Nay you yourfelf, as Paffion cools, 
and Reafon gathers ftrength, perhaps may cen- 
fure and regret as a Folly, what now you feri- 
ufly fancy to be Love. 



SONG. 



SONG. 

'The Boy thus of a Bird fo/efl t \ 

At fir ft how great his Jcysf 
Heflrokes itfoft, and in his Breaft 

The little Favrite lies : 
But foon as grown to riper Agf y 

The Paffion qvits*his Mind, 
He hangs it up infome cold Cagf, 

Negletfed audconfirid. 



Sir WILLIAM. 

This, my Beffy y is impoffible ; as your Beau- 
ties have fubdu'd my Heart, your Virtues have 
cndear'd, and will fecure the Conqueft. 

BESSY. 

I wifh, Sir William, you would excufe my 
Fears ; I was not born for Grandeur, and dare 
not venture on a State fo much above my 
Rank. 



Sir 



Sir WILLIAM. 

So far from Truth is that unjuft Pretence, 
that 'tis your prefent Rank alone you are unfit 
for. You have not only Beauty to adorn, but 
Senfe to fupport a higher. 

BESSY. 

I know you flatter me ; but granting what 
you fay were true, yet I had rather attend my 
Father on this humble Green, than run the 
Riik of falling from that Greatnefs which I 
neither covet nor deferve. 



Sir 

And am I then fo much your Averfion, that 
Poverty, nay Beggary itfelf, is preferable to 
Wealth when brought by me? What Rifk, 
what Hazard do you run ? Do I not offer to 
marry you ? Does not your Father join with 
me in defiring your Compliance ? And ought 
not you to rejoice at the Hopes of being pro- 
tected from the Infolence of thofe who daily in- 
vade your Innocence, and attempt your ChafU- 
ty ? But we are interrupted. I'll go wait on 
your Father home, and be with you again im- 
mediately. [EAT;/. 

SCENE 



r ( 29) 

SCENE IX. 

Enter Lord Ranby. 

RANBY. 

Ha! my little Cherubim, is not that the 
grave Kiaight, that would fain feduce you to 
commit Matrimony with him ? Methinks he 
went away in the Dumps, as if you had 

ed his Suit. 

BESSY. 

Suppofeldid, Sir, what then? 
RANBY. 

Why then, my Dear, you did wifely. 
as ridiculous for a beautiful Woman to throw 
herfelf away upon a Hufband, in order to pre* 
ferve her Honour, as it would be for a Man of 
Fortune to give away his Eftate for Fear he 

fhould fpend it. 

BESSY. 

I rather think it were as foolifh for a Wo- 
man to truft herfelf to a Man without Mar- 
riage, as it would be for a Merchant to venture 
his Ship to Sea without Infurance. 

RANBY. 
A Huiband, Child, becomes your Mailer > 

a Gallant will continue your Adorer and your 
Slave. 

E BESSY, 



BESSY. 

A Hufband rather is the Protestor of that 
Virtue which a Gallant would rob me of, and 
then defert me. 



SONG. 



At Death alone the Marriage Knot unties, 

So Vows that Lovers make 
Laft until Sleep, Death's Image ^ clofe their 

Dtffofae when they awake - y 

And that fond Love which was to Day their 

[Theme, 

is thought To-morrow but an idle Dream. 

r * 



RANBY. 

Do you think then, that Love is more likely 
t o continue when it is conftrain'd, than when i 1 - 
is free and voluntary ? 

BESSY. 

I Ihould think ! had but fmall Security for 
^hc Continuance of his Love, who was afraid 

3 



r 3i ; 

of engaging with me any longer than from 
Day to Day. 

RANBY. 

What better Security can you have from a 
Gentleman, than his Honour ? 

BESSY. 

He that would refufe me all other Security 
but his Honour, I mould be afraid had too 
little of that to be trufted. 

RANBY, 

Well then, my dear BeJJy, to come clofe to 
the Point, you cannot fufped: my Sincerity, 
fince I have not defir'd you to truft entirely to 
my Honour, but have offer'd to make you a 
handfome Settlement. 

BESSY. 

But, my Lord, as I don't like the Terms, I 
hope I may be excus'd accepting it. 

RANBY. 

Come, come, Child, fmce I find you are fo 
very obftinate that you will not accept of what 
is fb much for your own Good, I muft be 
oblig'd to force you to it, my Dear. 

BESSY. 

What dp you mean, my Lord ? 

E 2 RANBY. 



( .3* J- 

RANBY. 

Only to make you hapy, my Angel, whe- 
ther you will or no. 

Bessy. 
Heaven, defend me ! 

RANBY. 
Look ye, my Dear, noNoife, no Stugglingj 

it will avail you nothing. But let me not for- 
get to turn the Key. 

3 c E N E X. 
Enter SLY. 

SLY. 

Indeed. Friend, thpu /hould'ft have done 
that before. 

RANBY. 
Curfe on the fanftify'd Hyppocrite ! What 

envious Demon fent him here ? 

BESSY. 

Heaven rather fent him to preferve my Vir- 
tue. O fave me from the brutal Violence of 
that Monflcr ! 

SLY. 
Yea verily, I will protect thy Virtue, and 

fave thee for myfelf. [dfide.] Friend, 

Friend, why walkeft thou in Vanity ? Verily, 
thou haft done the Thing that is not right. - 

RAN- 



r 33 ) 

RAN BY. 

Verily, Friend, and fo haft thou : And un- 

lefs thou doft immediately return from whence 
thou cameft, I will exalt the Arm of Flem 
againfl thee, and thy Iniquity mail be upon 

thy Bones. 

SLY. 
Hum! my Spirit burneth within me, yea, 

my inward Man is moved to Wrath. How- 
beit, I doubt he is ftronger than I, therefore I 
will be peaceable, and try if I cannot gain my 
Point, by feeming to join with him. [Afide^ 
Reftrain thy Choler, Friend ; I meant not to 
difappoint thee; for, to confefs the Truth, I 
came with the fame Defign myfelf ; wherefore 
I may, peradventure, be of Service unto thee, in 
perfuading the Virgin to yield unto our Solici- 
tations. What fay'ft thou, (hall I try ? 

RANBY. 

And does the Carnal Paffion lurk beneath 
this fober Mafk of Sanftity ? What the Devil 
can he % to her! It muft be a ridiculous 
Scene, I'll hear it. [dftde.] Well Friend, prithee 
try thy Talent upon her 5 but, do ye hear, don't 

play falfe. 

SLY. 
Thy felf (hall judge. BESSY. 



r 34 ; 

BESSY. 

What means this Parley?! don't like \t.[Afide. 

SLY. 
Fair Maiden, I am moved, yea I am 

ftrongly moved, and as it were pumcd forth 
by the Spirit towards thee : Suffer me there- 
fore to entreat thee, and to prevail upon thce 
to anfwer the End of thy Creation. The Sun 
of thy Beauty nouriflieth my Love as a Plant 
My Soul longeth, yea I do long exceedingly, 
to tafte thy Sweets, to feel the Softnefs of thy 
panting Breaft. 

BESSY. 

Firft feel my Hand, thou [Gives him a Box 
holy Hyppocrite. What will on the Ear.] 
become of me! 

RANBY. 

How like ye her Salute ? Methinks me kifs'd 
you with a Smack. 

SLY. 
Verily, if her Hand is the fofteft Part of her, 

her Heart muft be exceeding hard, 

RANBY. 
I fee no Liklihood of prevailing with her 

by fair Means ; fuppofe we force her into my 

Coach, 



( 35 ; 

Coach, and drive her to a little Houfe I have 
about ten Miles off, we (hall there bring her 
to a Compliance. 

SLY. 

The Propofal is good, and I will afllft thcc 
in it. 

RANBY. 

Come, Madam, 'tis in vain to relift, you 

muft along with us this Inftant. 

BESSY kneeling. 
For Heaven's Sake, my Lord, forbear ! Think 

on my poor blind Father, and take not from 
him the Support of his old Age, his only Child ! 
Alas! he will die diftrafted. 



SONG. 

Behold me on my bended Knee, 

Think on my Fathers Cries ! 
O think the gujhing Tears you fee 

Drop from bis clofed Eyes ! 

Iff 



(36) 

Let this fad Sight your Soul pofefs, 
Let kind Regret take Place - t 

And fave my father from Diftrefs, 
His Daughter from Dijgrace. 

RANBY. 
Off! 'tis in vain; 

BESSY. 

Good Heaven protect my Virtue. Hetpj 
help! 

[As they are forcing her towards the 
Door, enter Welford, who feizes 
Lord Ranby's Sword. 

SCENE XI. 

WELFORD. 
Villains ! What means this Outrage ? 

RANBY. 
Hell and Furies! are we difappointed ? 

WELFORD. 
Unhand her, or this Moment is thy laft. 

[Holds the Sword to his Breaft.} 

RANBY. 
Hold ! hold! I will : Have a care, the Point 

may hurt one ! 

WEI- 



(37) 

WELFORD. 

Bafe Coward ! why art thou fo afraid to die ? 
Should/I tbou not rather be alham'd to live ? 
How fares my Love ? 

BESSY. 

O my Deliverer ! my dear Preferver ! let my 
Heart thank thee, for I cannot fpeak. 

WELFORD. 

Don't tremble fo, ,myDearj compofe your-* 
felf; the Danger's over; come, look up. Vile 
Raviihers ! how did you dare to rob the facred 
Dwelling of this poor oil Man ? Did you not 
think the Gods would take his Part ? 

RANBY. 

The God of Love, methinks, mould have 
taken ours ; and if he had b^eu true to his Cha- 
ra&er he would. 

SCENE XII. 

Enter the Beggar and Sir William." 

BESSY. 

O my dear Father ! do I live to fee you once 
again ? 

BEGGAR* 
* TT " >t means my Child ? 

P RANBY, 



(38 ) 

RANBY. 

Ay, now we {hall have a difmal Story, how 
a trembling Dove efcap'd the bloody Pounces of 
Hawk. 

SLY. 

Or how an innocent Lamb was fnatch'd from 
the Jaws of a devouring Wolf. 

WELFORD. 

And can you know your Characters fo well, 
and not deleft yourfelves ? 

BEGGAR. 

Are not thefe, Lord Ranby and Friend Sly ? 
What has been done ? 

SLY. 
Nothing, indeed. 

BESSY. 

Thefe wicked Men had form'd a bafe Defign 
againft my Virtue ; and would even now have 
forc'd me from you, had not the friendly Arm 
of my dear Welford, that inftant interpos'd to 
fave me. Forgive me, Father, that I call him 
dear, I owe my Virtue and my Life to his Pro* 
tection. 

BEGGAR. 






( 39 ) 

BEGGAR. 

Unworthy Men! what had I done, that you 
fhould wifh to make my old Age mifer- 
able? 

RANBY. 

We did not think of thy old Age at all, 
but of thy Daughter's Youth and Beauty. 

BEGGAR. 

Which I will this inftant put beyond the 
Reach of your ungenerous and ungovern'd 
Paffions. Sir William, my Daughter's Vir- 
tue ; 

BESSY. 

My deareft Father, fuffer me a Word, and 
I have done. The Worth and Honour of Sir 
William Morley are what I highly do efteem ; 
and if 'tis your Command that I muft marry 
him, fo much I value your Repofe beyond my 
own, that I will facrifice my Happinefs to my 
Obedience, and endeavour to give my Heart 
where you command my Hand. But O, for- 
give me, whilft I freely own, I feel my Heart 
will wifh it otherwife. 

F 2 BEGGAR. 



( 40 ) 

BEGGAR. 

Let me proceed. My Daughter's Virtue, 
Sir William has conquer'd me. I did defign 
to have given her to your honeft Love ; but 
you yourfelf will own, I ought not to compel 
a Child fo gentle, and fo tender of me. Can I 
make her miferable, who prefers rhy Happinefs 
to her own? 

Sir WILLIAM. 

I own your Juftice, tho' my Heart would 
fain plead againft it. Dear Bejy, I will endea- 
vour to fubdue that Love, which cannot make 
me happy, fince it would make you mifer- 
able. 

WELFORD. 
Generous and kirid ! 

RANBf. 

Well, there is a Pleafure after all in Virtufe^ 
which we loofe Fellows know not how to 
tafte. 

BEGGAR. 

Welford^ come hither. Your Father was a 
worthy Man, and my good Friend $ his Bounty 
oft relieved my feeming Want, and his good 

Nature 



( 4-O 

Nature took me to his Friendfhip. I am 
to find that you inherit his Worth, tho' not his" 
Fortune. My Daughter loves you ; receive 
her therefore from my grateful Hand, and 
with her full five thouland Pounds in Gold. 

WELFORD and BESSY. 
Five thoufand Pounds I 

BEGGAR* 

Be not furpriz'd. Tho' long conceal'd upon 
this Green, beneath the poor Appearance of a 
Beggar, I am no other than Sir Simon Mont- 
Jord, whom the World thinks dead fome Years 
ago. Here I have liv'd, and fav'd thefe poor 
Remains of a once nohle Fortune. 

BESSY. 

I'm in amaze, and fcarce know whether 
I ihould believe my Senfes ! Why did my Fa- 
ther conceal himfelf fo long from me? 

BEGGAR. 

It was neceflary, Child : but now I need no 
longer hide me from the World. The Earl of 
Ej/ex, who long fought my Life, this Morning 
died. The Reafon of his Enmity was this : 
His Father, who was Standard-bearer in an En- 
gagement 



gagement againft the Welfh, where I had fqme 
Command, moft cowardly gave way, and oo 
cafion'd the Lofs of the Battle j which when I 
upbraided him with, he gave me the Lye, call'd 
me Villain, and would have laid the Blame on 
me. On this I challeng'd him, and it being 
hk ill Fortune to fall by my Hand, I have ever 
fince been oblig'd to conceal myfelf from the 
Revenge of his Son. 

WELFORD. 

My dear Befly, the Surprize of this fiidden 
Turn in our Favour, has taken from me the 
Power of Expreffion. 

BESSY. 

If your Joy is but equal to mine, I am 
happy. 

DUETT. 

HE. 

'fhe Man 'who in a Dungeon lies for Debt, 
JLJleems not Light and Liberty fo dear. 

SHE. 



(43 ) 

SHE. 

The frighted Bird juft Jcap'd the Fowler's 

Nef, 
If 3 Heart not f utters more 'twixt Joy and 

Fear. 

HE. 

Come to my Arms, 

And on my Breajl 
From all Alarms 
Securely reft. 

SHE,. 

In this kind Haven let me lie, 
In mutual Pleafure live and die. 

BOTH. 
In mutual Pleafure live and die. 

WELFORD. 



( 44) 

WEL,FORD. 

Psir Father, let me indulge the Joy to call 
you fo. The H.tppinefs you give me with 
your Daughter, is half deftroyed by this unex- 
*pebd Fortune. The Pleasure 1 had promifed 
myfelf in labouring with my Hands to main- 
tain the Father of my Love is now no more J 
but let me ftill rejoice, that by this means 

My Be/fs gentle Heart is frec'd from Care, 
And her fair Hand no Labour needs to fharc. 
Hence let this Maxim to the World be given, 
True Love and Virtue are the Care of Heaven. 



I S. 




CHRONONHOTONrHOLOGQS: 



THE MOST 

TRAGICAL TRAGEDY, 

That ever was Tragedized by any 
Company of TRAGEDIANS. 

The S E V E N T H EDITION. 




LONDON: 

Printed for T. LOWNDES, T. CASI.ON, W. NICOLL, 
and S. BLADON. 



MDCCLXX. 



V 









PROLOGUE* 



10 Ntgbt our Comic MUSE the Buskin wears, 

And gives herfelf no fmatt Romantic Airs j 
Struts in Heroics, and in pompous Verfe 
Does the minuteft Incidents rehearfe ; 
In Ridicule* sftrict Retrafpeft difplays 
The Poetafters of thefe modern Days ; 
Who with big bellowing Bombaft rend our Ears, 
Which, ftript of Sound, quite void of Senfe appears 5 
Or elf e their Fiddle-Faddle Numbers flow^ 
Serenely dull, elaborately low : 
Either Extreme when vain Pretenders tdkty 
<The AcJor fuffersfor the Author's Sake : 
The quite-tir'd Audience lofe whole-Hours; yet pay 
To go un-pleas'd and un-improv'd away. 
This being our Scheme we hope you will excufe 
The wild ExcUrfion of the wanton Mufe ; ?& 
Who out of Frolic wears a mimic Mask, 
Andfets herfelffo whimjical a Task : 
'Tis meant to pleafe ; but, if it Jtlould offend, 
It 9 s veryjhort, andfoon will ha.ve an End. 



A 2 BRA- 



DRAMATIS PERSONS. 



Chrononhotonthologos, King of Queerummania. 
Bombardiriian, his General. 
Aldiborontiphofcophornio, J ^^ 

Kigdum-Funnidos, C 

/- ^> 

Laptain of the Guards* 

_/ . . J VvTV^'A '^\ 

Herald. 

ViRVt V- 



King of the Antipodes. 



Fadladinide, ^^^ of Queerummania. 

Tatianthe, her Favourite. 

Ttyo Ladies of the Court. 

Two Ladies of Pleafure. 

Venus. 

Cupid. 

Guards and Attendants, &c. 

tVtotW \ *iX ,V.V\ t ' 'i'^ :'.'-l;1 './V^^V'lllt 

SCENE Queerummania. 

THE 




THE 



TRAGEDY 



O F 



Chrononhotonthologos. 



SCENE, 

An Anti-Chamber in the Palace. 

Enter Rigdum-Funnidos and Aldiborontiphofco- 
phornio. 



Rig-Fun. 




Ldiborcntipbofcophornio ! 
Where left you Cbrononho- 
tcntbologos ? 



Aldi. Fatigu'd with the tremendous Toils of 

War, 

Within his Tent, on downy Couch fuccumbent, 

Himfelf 



6 Chrononhotonthologoi. 

Himfclfhe unfatigues with gentle Slumbers! 
LulTd by the chearful Trumpets gladfom Clangor, 
The Noife of Drums, and Thunder of Artillery, 
He fleeps fupine amidft the Din of War : 
And yet 'tis not definitively Sleep ; 
Rather a kind of Doze, a waking Slumber, 
That fheds a Stupefaction o'er his Senfes : 
For now he nods and fnores ; anon he ftarts ; 
Then nods and fnores again : If this be Sleep, 
Tell me, ye Gods ! what mortal Man's awake ! 
What fays my Friend to this ? 

Rig. Fun. Say ! I fay he fleeps Dog-Sleep : 

What a Plague wou'd you have me fay ? 

Aldi. O impious Thought! Ocurs'dlnfinuation! 
As if great Chrononhotonthologos 
To Animals deteftable and vile 
Had aught the leaft Similitude ! 

Rig. My dear Friend ! you entirely mifappre- 
hend me : I did not call the King Dog by Craft ; 
I was only going to tell you that the Soldiers have 
jufl now receiv'd their Pay, and are all as drunk 
as fo many Swabbers. [ // j 

Aldi. Give Orders inftantly that no more 

Money 

Be iflued to the Troops : Mean time, my Friend, 

Let 



Chrononhotonthologos. J 

the Baths be fill'd with Seas of Coffee, 
To ftupefy their Souls into Sobriety. 

Rig. I fancy you had better banifh the Sutlers, 
and blow the Geneva Calks to the Devil. 

Aldi. Thou counfel'fl well, my Rigdum-Funnidos, 
And Reafon feems to father thy Advice : 
But, foft ! The King in penfiye Contemplation 
Seems to refolve on fpme important Doubt-, 
His Soul, too copious for his Earthly Fabrick, 
Starts forth, fpontaneous, in Soliloquy, 
And makes his Tongue the Midwife of his Mind. 
J.et us retire, left we difturb his Solitude. 

[They retire. 

Enter King, 

King. This God of Sleep is watchful to torv 

ment me, 

And Reft is grown a Stranger to my Eyes : 
Sport not with Chrononhotonthologos^ 
Thou idle Slumb'rer, thou detefted Somnus : 
For, if thou doft, by all th? waking Pow'rs 
I'll tear thine Eye- Balls from their Leaden-Sockets, 
And force thee to out-ftare Eternity. 

[Exit in a Huff. 



Re-enter, 



$ Chrononhotonthologos. 

Re-enter Rigdum and Aldiboronti. 

Rig. The King is in a moft curfed Pafllon ! 
Pray who the Devil is this Mr. Somnus he's fo 
angry withal ? 

AldL The Son of Chaos and of Erebus* 
Inceftuous Pair ! Brother of Mors relentlefs, 
Whofe fpeckled Robe, and Wings of blacked Hue, 
Aftonifh all Mankind with hideous Glare ; 
Himfelf with fable Plumes, to Men benevolent, 
Brings downy Slumbers and refrelhing Sleep. 

Rig. Fun. This Gentleman may come of a very 
good Family, for aught I know ; but I would 
not be in his Place for the World. 

Aldi. But, lo ! the King his Footfteps this Way 

bending, 

His cogitative Faculties immers'd 
In Cogibundity of Cogitation : 
Let Silence clofe our Folding-Doors of Speech, 
'Till apt Attention tell our Heart the Purport 
Of this profound Profundity of Thought. 

Re-enter King, Nobles* and Attendants* &c. 

King. It is refolv'd Now, Somnus, I 

defy thee* 

And from Mankind ampule thy eursM Dominion. 
L Thefe 



Chrononhotontbologos. 9 

Thefe Royal Eyes thou never more malt cloie. 
Henceforth let no Man fleep, on Pain of Death : 
Inftead of Sleep, let pompous Pageantry 
Keep all Mankind eternally awake. 
Bid liarleqiimo decorate the Stage 
With all Magnificence of Decoration : 
Giants and GiantefTes, Dwarfs and Pigmies, 
Songs, Dances, Mnfic in its ampleft Order, 
Mimes, Pantomimes, and all the mimic Motion 
Of Scene Deceptiovifive and Sublime. 

[The flat Scene draws. 

The King is feated, and a grand Pantomime Enter- 
tainment is performed^ in the Midft of which 
enters a Captain of the Guard. 

Capt. To Arms ! to Arms ! great Chrcnonho- 

tonthologos ! 

Th' Antipodean Pow'rs, from Realms below, 
Have burft the folid Entrails of the Earth ; 
Gufhing fuch Cataracts of Forces forth, 
This World is too incopious to contain 'em : 
Armies on Armies march in Form ftupendous ; 
Not like our Earthly Regions, Rank by Rank, 
But Teer o'er Teer, high pil'd from Earth to 
Heaven ; 

B A blaz- 



I o Cbrononbotonthotogos. 

A blazing Bullet, bigger than the Sun, 
Shot from a huge and monftrous Culverin, 
Has laid your Royal Citadel in Ames. 

King. Peace, Coward ! were they wedg'd like 

golden Ingots, 

Or pent fo clofe, as to admit no Vacuum ; 
One Look from Chrcnonhotonthologos 
Shall fcare them into Nothing. Rigdum-Funnidos^ 
Bid Bombardinian draw his Legions forth, 
And meet us in the Plains of Queerummania. 
This very now ourfelves mall there conjoin him : 
Mean time, bid all the Priefts prepare their Tem- 
ples 

For Rites of Triumph : Let the finging Singers, 
With vocal Voices, moft vociferous, 
In fweet Vociferation, out-vociferize 
Ev'n Sound itfelf. So be it as we have order'd. 

[Exeunt Omnes. 



SCENE, 



Chrononhotonthologos. 1 1 

SCENE, 

A magnificent Apartment. 
Enter Queen, Tatlanthe, and two Ladies ^. 



'T^\ 
JL/ 



A Y's Curtain's drawn, the Morn 

begins to rife, 
And waking Nature rubs her fleepy Eyes : 
The pretty little fleecy bleating Flocks 
In Baa's harmonious warble thro' the Rocks : 
Night gathers up her Shades in fable Shrouds, 
And whifp'ring Oziers tattle to the Clouds. 
What think you, Ladies, if an hour we kill, 
At BaiTet, Ombre, Picquet, or Quadrille ? 
fat. Your Majefty was pleas'd to order Tea. 
Queen. -- My Mind is alter'd ; bring fomc 
Ratifia. 

\ybey are fervid round with a Dram. 
I have a famous Fidler fent from France. 
Bid him come in. What think ye of a Dance ? 

Enter Fidler, 

Fid. - Thus to your Majefty, fays the fup- 

pliant Mufe, 
Wou'd you aSoLO or SONATA chufe ; 

B 2 Qr 



1 2 Chrononhotonthologos. 

Or bold Concerto or foft Sicilinia, 

Alia Francefe overo in Gujlo Romano ? 

When you command, 'tis done as foon as fpoke. 

Queen. A civil Fellow ! play us the 

Black Joak. 

\Mufickplays. 

(Queen and Ladies dance the Black Joak. 
So much for Dancing , now let's reft a while. 
Bring in the Tea-things, does the Kettle boil ? 
<7tf/._The Water bubbles, and the Tea-Cups 

fkip, 
Through eager Hope to kifs your Royal Lip. 

(T'ea brought in. 

Queen. Come, Ladies, will you pleafe to 

chufe your Tea ; 
Or Green Imperial, or Pekoe Bohea ? 

i/ Lady. Never, no, never fure on Earth 

was feen, 
So gracious, iweet, and affable a Queen. 

id Lady. She is an Angel 

ijl Lady.- She's a Goddefs rather. 

<Tat. She's Angel, Queen, and Goddefs, 

altogether. 
Queen. Away ! you flatter me. 

if Lady, 



Chrvnonhotonthologos, 1 3 

i/ Lady.' We don't indeed : 

Your Merit does our Praife by far exceed. 

Queen. You make me Blum : Pray help 

me to a Fan. 
i/t Lady. That Blum becomes you. j 

<at. : -Wou'd I were a Man. 

Queen. I'll hear no more of thefe fantaftic Airs.' 

[Bell rings. 

The Bell rings in : Come, Ladies, let's to Pray'rs. 

\fbey dance off* 




-SCENE, 



1A Chrononhotonthohgos* 

SCENE, 

An Anti-Chamber, 

Entqr Rigdum-Funnidos and Aldiborontiphof- 
cophornio. 

Rig. ^T"^ GAD, we're in the wrong Box ! Who 
iv the Devil wou'd have thought that 
Chrononhotonthokgos Ihou'd be at that mortal Sight 
of'Tippodeans? Why, there's not a Mother's Child 
of them to be feen 'egad, they footed it away as 
faflas theirHands could carry 'em; but they have 
left their King behind 'em. We have him fafe, 
that's one Comfort. 

Aldi. Wou'd he were ftill at amplefl I i 

berty ! 

For, Oh ! my dearelt Rigdum ~Funnidw\ 
I have a Riddle to" unriddle tothee, 
Shall make thee flare thy felf into a Statue. 
Our Queen's in Love with this Antipodean. 

Rigdum. The Devil Ihe is ? Well, I fee Mifchief 
is going forward with a Vengeance. 

Aldi. But, lo ! the Conq'ror comes all crown'4 

with Conqueft ! 
A folemn Triumph graces his Return. 

i Let's 



Chrononkotonthologos. i 

Let's grafp the Forelock of this apt Occafion, 
To greet the Victor, in his Flow of Glory. 

A Grand Triumph. 

Enter Chrononhotonthologos, Guards and Atten- 
dants^ &c. met by Rigdum-Funnidos and Aldi- 
borontiphofcophornio. 

Aldi. All hail to ChrononbotontMogos / 

Thrice trebly welcome to your loyal Subjects. 
Myfelf and faithful Rigdum-Funnidos y 
Loft in a Labyrinth of Love and Loyalty, 
Intreat you to infpect our inmoft Souls, 
And read in them what Tongue can never utter, 

Cbro. Aldiborontiphofcophornio, 

To thee, and gentle Rigdnm-Funnidcs y 
Our Gratulations flow in Streams unbounded : 
Our Bounty's Debtor to your Loyalty, 
Which fhall with Int'reft be repaid e're long. 
But where's our Queen ! where's Fadladinida ! 
She mould be foremoft in this gladfome Train, 
To grace our Triumph ; but I fee me flights me. 
This haughty Queen {hall be no longer mine, 
I'll have a fvveet and gentle Concubine. 

Rig. Now, my dear little Phofcophorny, for a 
Twinging Lye to bring the Queen off, and I'll run 

with 



1 6 CkrononhotonthologQS. 

with it to her this Minute, that we may all be in 
a Stay. Say me has got the Thorough-go- 
Nimble. 

[Wbifpers and Steals of. 

Aldi. " Speak not, great Cbrononhotontbo- 

logos, 

In accents fo injurioufly fevere 
Of Fadladinida, your faithful Queen : 
By me (he fends an EmbafTy of Love, 
Sweet Blandifhments and kind Congratulations, 
But, cannot, Oh ! me cannot, come herfelf, 

King. Our Rage is turn'd to Fear : What 

ails the Queen ? 

'Aldi. A fudden Diarrhea's rapid Force 
So ftimulates the Periftaltic Motion, 
That me by far out-does her late Out-doing, 
And all conclude her Royal Life in Danger. 

King. Bid the Phyficians of the World affemble 
In Confultation, folemn and fedate : 
More to corroborate their fage Refolves, 
Call from their Graves the learned Men of Old : 
Galen^ Hippocrates, and Paracelfus -, 
Doctors, Apothecaries, Surgeons, Chymifts, 

All! 



Cbronbtibotontbohgos. 17 

All ! all ! attend ; and fee they bring their 

Med'cines. 

Whole Magazines of galli-potted Noftrums, 
Materializ'd in Pharmaceutic Order. 
The Man that cures our Queen fhall have our 

Empire; 

[Exeunt Omnes. 




SCENE, 



i $ Chrononhotonthokgos, 

S C 'N E, 

^ Garden. 
Enter Tatlanthe and Queer/. 

Quecn.JJEIGH ho! my Heart ? 

JLJ. ?^/. What ails ray gracious 

Queen ? 

Queen. O would to /^aj- 1 had never feen ! 
Tat. Seen what, my Royal Miftrefs ? 

Queen. Too, too much ! 

fat. Did it affright you ? 

Queen. No, 'tis nothing fuch. 

Tat. What was it, Madam ? 

Queen. Really I don't know. 

Tat. It muft be fomething ! 

Queen. No ! 

Tat. Or nothing ! 

Queen. ~* - No. 

Tat. Then I conclude of courfe, fince it was 

Neither, 

Nothing, and Something jumbled well together, 
Queen. Oh ! my Tatlanthe, have you never feen ! 
Tat. Can I guefs what, unlefs you tell, my 
Queen ? 

Queen. 



Chrononhotontbologos. I ^ 

Queen. The King I mean.. 

<Tat. Juft now return'd from War : 

He rides like Mars in his Triumphal Car. 
Conqueft precedes with Laurels in his Hand ; 
Behind him Fame does on her Tripos ftand ; 
Her golden Trump mrill thro' the Air fhe/founds, 
Which rends the Earth, and thence to Heaven 

rebounds ; 

Trophies and Spoils innumerable grace 
This Triumph, which all Triumphs does deface : 
Hafte then, great Queen ! your Hero thus to meet, 
Who longs to lay his Laurels at your Feet. 

Queen. Art mad, Tatlanthe ? I meant no 

fuch Thing. 
Your Talk's diftafteful. 

'Tat. Didn't you name the King ? 

Queen. I did, Tatlanthc^ but it was not thine ; 
The charming King I mean, is only mine. 

Fat. Who elfe, who elfe, but fuch a charming 

Fair, 

In Chrononhotonthologos mould mare ? 
The Queen of Beauty, and the God of Arms, 
In him and you united blend their Charms. 
Oh ! had you feen him, how he dealt out Death, 
jlnd at one Stroke robb'd Thpufands of their 
Breath: 

C 2 While 



20 Qhrananhotontbologos. 

While on the flaughter'd Heaps himfelf did rife, 
In Pyramids of Conqueft to the Skies : 
The Gods all haiPd, and fain would have him ftay $ 
But your Bright Charms have call'd him thence 

away. 

Hieen. This does my utmoft Indignation raife : 
You are too pertly lavifh in his Praife. 
Leave me for ever! 

[Tatlanthe Kneeling, 

^t, ... j Oh! what fhall I fay ? 
Do not, great Queen, your Anger thus difplay ! 
O frown me dead ! let me not live to hear 
My gracious Queen and Miftrefs fo fevere ! 
I've made fome horrible Miftake, no doubt ! 
Oh ! tell me what it is ! 

Queen. No, find it out. 

Tat. No, I will never leave you i here I'll grow 
Till you fome Token of Forgivenefs mow : 
Oh ! all ye Pow'rs above, come down, come down ! 
And from her Brow difpel that angry Frown. 

Queen. Tatlanthe, rife, you haveprevail'd at lail: 
Offend no more, and I'll excufe what's paft. 

[Tatlanthe ajlde^ rijing. 

*fat. Why, what a Fool was I, not to perceive 

her Pafiion for the topfy-turvy King, the Gentle- 

I man. 



CbrononbotonthoJogos. 2 1 

jnan that carries his Head where his Heels mould 
be ? But I muft tack about I fee. 

[70 the Queen. 

Excufe me, gracious Madam ! if my Heart, 
Bears Sympathy with your's in ey'ry Part j 
With you alike J Ibrrow and rejoice, 
Approve yourPaflion, and commend your Choice | 

The Captive King 

Queen. That's he ! that's he! that's he! 

I'd die ten Thoufand Deaths to fet him free : 
Oh ! my Tatlanthe ! have you feen his Face, 
His Air, his Shape, his Mien, his ey'ry Grace 7 
In what a charming Attitude he ftands, 
How prettily he foots it with his Hands ! 
Well, to his Arms, no, to his Legs I fly, 
for I muft have him, if J live or die. 

[Exeunt, 



SCENE, 



22 Chrononhotontbologos, 

SCENE, 
A Bed-Chamber. 
Chrononhotonthologos ajleep. 

[Rough Mufick, viz, 

Salt-Boxes and Rolling-Pins, Grid-Irons and fangs j 
Sow-G elders florns, Marrow-Bones zndCleavers, 
&c. &c. 

[He wakes. 

C&r0.TT7HAT heavenly Sounds are thefe 

V V that charm my Ears ! 

Sure 'tis the Mufick of the tuneful Spheres. 

Enter Captain of the Guards. 

Cap. A Meflenger from Gen'ral Eombardinian 
Craves inftance Audience of your Majefly. 
Cbro. Give him Admittance. 

Enter Herald. 

Her. Long Life to Chrononbotontholcgcs ! 
Your faithful Gen'ral Eombardinian 
Sends you his Tongue, tranfplanted in my Mouth, 
To pour his Soul out in your Royal Ears. 

CM?. 



Chrononbotonthohgos. 23 

Cbro. Then ufe thy Matter's Tongue with Re- 
verence, 

Nor wafte it in thine own Loquacity, 
But briefly and at large declare thy MefTage. 

Her. Sufpend a- while, great Cbrononbotontbologosy 
The Fate of Empires and the Toils of War ; 
And in my Tent let's quaff Phalernian Wine 
Till our Souls mount and emulate the Gods. 
Two Captive Females, beauteous as the Morn, 
Submiflive to your Wifhes, court your Option. 
Hafle then, great King, to blefs us with your 

Prefence. 

Our Scouts already watch the wifh'd Approach, 
Which mail be welcom'd by the Drums dread 

Rattle, 

The Cannons Thunder, and the Trumpets Blaftj 
While I, in Front of mighty Myrmidons, 
Receive my King in all the Pomp of War. 
Cbro. Tell him I come ; my flying Steed 

prepare ; 
E're thou art half on Horfe-back I'll be there. 

{Exeunt. 



SCENE, 



Cbrononkotonthologosi 

8 C E E N E. 

A Prifon. 

King of tie Antipodes difcover'd ajleep on 
a Couch. 



."? 
X 



Enter 

S this a Place, Oh ! all ye Gods above !' 
This a Reception for the Man I love ? 
See in what fweet Tranquillity he fleepSj 
While Nature's Self at his Confinement weeps. 
Rife, lovely Monarch ! fee your Friend appear, 
No Chrononhotonthologos is here ; 
Command your Freedom, by this facred Ring 5 
Thencommandme:WhatfaysmycharmingKing? 
[She puts the Ring in his MoUth, he bends the 

Sea-Crab^ and makes a roaring Noife. 
Queen. What can this mean ! he lays his Feet 

at minej 

Is this of Love or Hate his Country's Sign ? 
Ah ! wretched Queen ! how haplefs is thy Lot, 
To love a Man that underftands thee not f 
Oh ! lovely Venus, Goddefs all Divine \ 
And gentle Cupid> that fweet Son of thine, 
Aifift, aflift me, with your facred Art, 
And teach me to.pbtain this Stranger's Heart. 

Venus> 



Cbrononbotonthologos. \ 2 5 

Venus defcends in her Chariot, andfings. 

A I R. 
Ven. See Venus does attend thee, 

My Dilding, my Holding 
Love's Goddefs will befriend thee, 

Lilly bright andjhinee. 
With Pity and Companion, 

My Dilding, my Dotting, 
She fees thy tender Paffion, 

Lilly, &ff. Dar.Capo. 
Air changes. 
To thee I yield my Pow'r divine, 

Dance over the Lady Lee. 
Demand whate'er thou wilt, 'tis thine, 

My gay Lady. 
Take this magic Wand in Hand, 

Dance, &c. 
All the World's at thy Command, 

My gay , &c. Da Capo. 
Cupid defcends andfings. 

A I R. 
Are you a Widow, or are you a Wife ? 

Gilly Flow'r, gentle Rofemary. 
Or are you a Maiden, fo fair and fo bright ? 
As the Dew that flies over the Mulberry 'Tree. 
D utm 



26 Chrortonhotonthologos . 

<j)uten. Would I were a Widow, as I am a Wife, 

Gilly Flow'r, &c. 
But I'm, to my Sorrow, a Maiden as bright, 

As the Dew, &c. 
Cupid. You mall be a Widow before it is Night, 

Gilly Flow'r, &c. 
No longer a Maiden fo fair and fo bright, 

As the Dew, &c. 
Two jolly youngHufbands your Perfon mail mare, 

Gilly Flow'r, &c. 
And twenty fine Babies all lovely and fair, 

As the Dew, &c. 

Queen. O Thanks, Mr. Cupid / for this your 
good News, 

Gilly Flow'r, &c. 
What Woman alive would fuch Favours refufe ? 

While the Dew, &c. 

Venus and Cupid re-afcend-, the gueen goes of, 
and the King of the Antipodes follows, walking on 
his Hands. 

[Scene clofes. 



SCENE, 



Chrononhotonthokgos. 27 

S C E N E, 

Bombardinian's Tent. 

King and Bombardinian, at a 'Table, with two 
Ladies. 

Bomb, np HIS Honour, Royal Sir ! fo Roy- 

JL alizes 

The Royalty of your moft Royal Actions, 
The Dumb can only utter forth your Praife ; 
For we, who fpeak, want Words to tell our 

Meaning. 

Here J fill the Goblet with Pbalernian Wine, 
And, while our Monarch drinks bid the fhrill 

Trumpet 
Tell all the Gods, that we propine their Healths. 

King. Hold, Bombardinian, 1 efteem it fit, 
With fo much Wine, to eat a little Bit. 

Bomb. See that the Table inftantly be fpread, 
With all that Art and Nature can produce. 
Traverfe from Pole to Pole -, fail round the Globe, 
Bring every Eatable that can be eat ; 
The King mail eat, tho' all Mankind be ftarv'd. 
Cook. I am afraid his Majefty will be ftarv'd 
before I can run round the World, for a Dinner ; 
befides, where's the Money ? 

D 2 King 



28 Chrononhotontbologos \ 

King, Ha! doftthou prattle, contumacious Slave? 
Guards, leize the Villain, broil him, fry him, 

flew him , 
Ourfelves mail eat him out of mere Revenge. 

Cook. O pray your Majefty, fpare my Life ; 
there's fome nice cold Pork in the Pantry: Fllhafh 
it for your Majefty in a Minute. 

Chro. Be thou firft hafh'd in Hell, audacious 
Slave. 

[Kills him, and turns to Bombardinian. 

Hafh'd Pork ! mail Cbrononbotontbologos 
Be fed with Swine's Flem, and at Second-hand ? 
Now, by the Gods ! thou doft infult us, General ! 
Bomb. The Gods can witnefs, that I little thought 
Your Majefty to other Fiefh than this 
Had aught the leaft Propenfity. 

[Points to the Ladies. 

King. Is this a Dinner for a hungry Monarch ? 
Bomb. Monarchs as great as Chrononhotonthologos, 
Have made a very hearty Meal of worfe. 

King. Ha ! Traitor ! doft thou brave me to my 

Teeth ? 
Take this Reward, and learn to mock thy Mafter. 

[Strikes him. 

Bom. A Blow ! mall Bombardinian take a Blow ? 

Blum ! 



Cbrononbotonthologos. 29 

Blulh ! Blum, thou Sun ! Start back, thou rapid 

Occean ! 
Hills ! Vales ! Seas ! Mountains ! all commixing 

crumble, 

And into Chaos pulverize the World ; 
For Bombardinian has receiv'd a Blow, 
And Chrononhotcnthologos fhall die. [Draws. 
\*The Women run off., crying, Help ! Murder ', & c, 
King. What means the Traitor ? 

Bomb. : ] Traitor, in thy Teeth 

Thus I defy thee ! 

[They fight, he kills the King, 

_ , -Ha ! What have I done ? 

Go, call a Coach, and let a Coach be call'd ; 
And let the Man that calls it be the Caller ; 
And, in his Calling, let him nothing call, 
But Coach! Coach! Coach! Oh! for a Coach, 
ye Gods ! 

[Exit Raving. 

Returns with a Doftor. 
Bomb. How fares your Majefty ? 

Dott. = My Lord l he's dead. 

BQmb. Ha ! Dead ! impofiible ! it cannot be ! 
I'd not believe it, tho' himfelf mould fwear it. 
(3o join his Body to his Soul again, 

Or, 



30 Cbrononhotonthologos. 

Or, by this Light, thy Soul fhall quit thy Body. 
Dott. My Lord, he's far beyond the Power of 

Phyfic, 

His Son) has left his Body and this World. 
Bomb. Then go to t'other World and fetch it 
back. 

\Kills him. 

And, if I find thou trifleft with me there, 
I'll chace thy Shade through Myriads of Orbs, 
And drive thee far beyond the Verge of Nature. 

Ha! Call'ft thou, Chrononhotonthologos ? 

I come ! your faithful Bcmbardinian comes ! 
He comes in Worlds unknown to make new Wars, 
And gain thee Empires num'rous as the Stars. 

{Kills himfelf. 
Enter Queen and others. 

Aldi. O horrid ! horrible, and horrideft Horror ! 
Our King ! our General ! our Cook ! our Doctor 1 
All dead ! Stone dead ! irrevocably dead ! 
O h ! [All Groan, a 'Tragedy Groan. 

Queen. My Hufband dead ! Ye Gods ! what 

is't you mean, 

To make a Widow of a Virgin Queen ? 
For, to my great Misfortune, he, poor King, 
Has left me fo , i'n't that a wretched Thing ? 

T'aL 



Chrononhotontbologos. 3 r 

Tat. Why then, dear Madam ! make no farther 

Pother, 
Were I your Majefty, I'd try another. 

Queen. I think 'tis befl to follow thy Advice. 
Tat. I'll fit you with a Hufband in a Trice : 
Here's Rignum-Funnidos, a proper Man ; 
If any one can pleafe a Queen, he can. 

Rig-Fun. Ay, that I can, andpleafe your Majefty. 
So Ceremonies apart, let's proceed to Buiinefs. 
Queen. Oh ! but the Mourning takes up all my 

Care, 
I'm at a Lofs what kind of Weeds to wear. 

Rig-Fun. Never talk of Mourning, Madam, 
One Ounce of Mirth is worth a Pound of Sorrow, 
Let's bed To-night, and then we'll wed To-morrow. 
I'll make thee a great Man, my little Phofcof horny. 

[To Aldi. afide. 
Aldi. I fcorn your Bounty, I'll be King, or 

nothing. 
Draw, Mifcreant ! Draw ! 

Rig. No, Sir, I'll take the Law. 

[Runs behind the Queen. 
Queen. Well, Gentlemen, to make the Matter 

eafy, 

I'll have you both^and that, I hope, will pleafe ye. 
And now, Tatlanthe, thou art all my Care : 
Where mall I find Thee fuch another Pair ? 

I Pity 



32 CkrononLotontkohgos. 

Pity that you, who've ferv'd fo long, fo well, 
Shou'd die a Virgin, and lead Apes in Hell. 
Choofe foryourfelf, dear Girl, our Empire round, 
Your Portion is Twelve Hundred Thoufand Pound. 
Aldi. Here ! take thefe dead and bloody. Corpfe 

away ; 

Make Preparation for our Wedding-Day. 
Inftead of fad Solemnity, and Black, 
Our Hearts ihall fwim in Claret, and in Sack. 




N I S. 



ALBUMAZAR. 



COMEDY. 

AS IT IS NOW REVIVED AT THE 

THEATRE -ROYAL 

I N 
DRURY-LANE, 

With ALTERATIONS, 

LONDON; 

Printed for T. B ECKE T, near SURRY 
STRAND. 1773. 

{Price ONE SHILLING.] 



PROLOGUE. 

Spoken by Mr. KING. 
At the Revival in 1773. 



O I N C E your old tafte for laughing is corns bac 

And you have dropped the melancholy -pack 
Of tragi- comic -fentimental matter, 
Refolding to laugh mere, and be the falter ', 
We bring a piece drawn from oiir antient flore, 
Which made old Rnglijh fides with laughing fore. 
Some ("miles from Tony Luinkin, if you fpare, 
Let Trrncalo of Totnam have his Jh are. 
57V thieves there are, JUSTICE her f elf will own} 
Nofcene to hurt your morals will be Jhown. 
Eachjiftcr mufe afeparatefocpfhould keep, 
Comedy to laugh, 'Tragedy to weep, 
And fentimental laudanum to make you Jleep. 
/'// ttll you what, good folks, if you don't jeft, 
But clnfp the gigling gcddefs to your Ireaft ; 
Let but the comic mufe enjoy yoiir favor. 
We'll fur riifo jluff to make you laugh for ever ! 
Do laugh, pray laugh -ti$ your beft ciire when ill, 
The grand fpecifick, univerfal pill ! 
What would I give tofet the tide a-going^ 
A foring-tide in your heart with joy overflowing / 
No fuperficial Jkin- deep mirth all from within- 
Laugh till your jaws ach 'till you crack your Jkin ; 
'The ILnglifb laugh the Frenchmen only grin. 
Italians fneer, Dutch grunt, and German features 
Smirk thus YOU only laugh like human creatures. 
Who has not laughter in his foul's a wretch, 
And fit for treajon,firatagcms, Jack Ketch I 
Tour meagre hollow eye fpeaks fpleen and 
Andftabs with'pcn and ink in daily papers. 



PROLOGUE. 

But tie round cit, in verffon to the knuckles, 

He is no Blotter ; but eats, drinks, and chuckles ; 

When late to fentimentalsjy0 were kind, 

I thought poor I was whittled down the wind, 

To prey at fortune ! farewell faid I to fun 

So Ifecur'da led at lilington. 

To fay the truth Tm not prepared as yet 

*o dance the --wire, or threw afcmerfet. 

Jnjhort, if at a pun you would not grumble, 

When I can't make you laugh / needs muft tumble ; 

Shew you are fond of mirth at oncereftcre us, 

And burft with me, in one grand laughing chorus. 

True comedy reigns ftill I fee it plain 

Huzza ! we now Jhall live and laugh again. 

JExit huzzaing and laughing,. 



DRA- 



Dramatis Perfonae. 



MEN. 



ALBUMAZAR, 
FURBO, 

RONCA, 

HARPAX, 

PANDOLFO, 

CRICCA, 

TRINCALO, 

LELIO, 

EUGENIO, 

ANTONIO, 



Mr. PALMER, 
Mr. BANNISTER, 
Mr. HURST, 
Mr. KEEN, 
Mr. PARSONS, 
Mr. BADDELEY, 
Mr. KING, 
Mr. DAVIES, 
Mr. WHEELER, 
Mr. PACKER. 



WOMEN. 



SULPITIA, 
FLAVIA, 
ARMELLINA, 
BEVILONA, 



Mrs. ABINGTON, 
Mrs. JEFFERSON, 
Mifs POPE, 
Mifs PLATT. 



EPILOGUE. 

Spoken by Mrs. A B I N G T O N. 



/AT times of eld, ly tins eld play we fee, } 

Our Anceftors, poor fouls, tho' brave and free ', > 

Believ'd in fpirits and ajlrolog y ! J 

*Twas by the ftars they pi'cfper'd, or mif carried ; 
'Thro them grew rich, or poor \ were hangd, or married - f 
And if their wives were naught, then they were bom 
Under the Ram, or Bull, or Capricorn ! 
When our great-graxd-mamas had made ajlrp, 
(Their Jhoes with higher heels would often trip) 
The rofe and lily left their cheeks "*twas duty 
To curfe their Planets, and deftrcy their beauty: 
Such ign* ranee, with Jaith in Stars, prevails ; 
Our faces never change, they tell no tales ; 
Or Jhould a hit/band, rather unpolite, 
Lock up our perfons, and our rofes blight , 
When once fet free again, there's nothing in //, 
We can be ros'd and lily'd in a minute : 
Fly all abroad, be taken into favour, 
fad be as freft and frolickfome as ever / 
To be&v'nly bodies we have no relation, 
The Star that rules us is our inclination ! 
Governed by that, our earthly bodies move, 
Quite unconnected with the things above : *' 

Twoyoun* ones love a chaife to Scotland carries 'em, 
The Stars lend light, but inclination marries 'em , 
Whenpajfwn cools, and flame is turn* d to fmother, 
They curfe no Stars but Scotland, and each other / 
To walk f th* dark no belles new make a fufs^ 
Nofpefters or hobgobblins frighten us / 
No, fay,s Old Crab, of Fops the laft editions, 
l?ray, Madam> what are they but apparitions ! 

$9 



EPILOGUE. 

So jism, fo pak,fo drefs'd from foot to bead, 

Half girl., half boy, half living, and half dead, 

Ihey are not flejh and blood, but walking gingerbread I 

Moreflivnfy beings kept alive by art, 

*' They corns hke ftadcws, and they'll fo depart." 

O fye,forfoame ! faid I be turn' d about, 

Andturn'dvs topfyturvey, injide out : 

Rail'd at ourfex, then curs' 'd the Stars, andfwore 

But you're alarm' d I fee, I'll fay no more : 

Old doting fools from Stars derive all evil, 

Nor fear ch their hearts to find the little devil: 

Ladies take council, cruft) the mifchief there ; 

Lay but that Spirit, you' II be wife as fair* 



\ 



ALBUMAZAR. 



COMEDY. 



ACT I. SCENE I. 



c 



A court-yard^ with various inftruments. 

ALBUMAZAR, HARPAX, RONCA, difco'vered. 

ALBUMAZAR. 



_ OME, brave mercurials, fublim'd in cheating, 

My dear companions, fellow foldiers 

I'th watchful exercife qf thievery : 

Shame not at your fo large profefllon, 

No more than I at deep aflrology. 

For in the days of old, good morrow thiefc 

As welcome was receiv'd, as now your worjhi-p. 

The Spartans held it lawful, and the Arabians ; 

So grew Arabia fclix, Sparta valiant. 

RONCA. Read on this lecture, wile Albumazar, 
ALB. Your patron, Mercury, in his myfterious cha- 
racter, 

Holds all the marks of the other wanderers, 

And with his fubtil influence works in all, 

Filling their ilories full of robberies. 

Mofl trades and callings much participate 

Of yours > phoush fmoothly gilt with the honeft title 

B Of 



5 ALBUMAZAR. 

Of merchant, lawyer, or fuch like : the learned 
Only excepted j and he's therefore poor. 

HARP. And yet he fteals, one author from another , 
This poet is that poet's plagiary ; 
A nd he a third's, 'till they end all in Homer. 

ALB. The world's a theatre of theft ! Great rivers 
Rob fmaller brooks ; and them the ocean. 
And in this world of ours, this microcofm, .._ 
Guts from the ftomach fteal, and what they fpare, 
The meferaicks filch, and lay't i' the liver : 
Now all thefe pilfries couch'd and compos'd in order, 
Frame thee and me : Man's a quick mafs of thievery ! 

RONCA. Moft philofophical Albumazar ! 

ALB. Therefore go on, follow your virtuous laws, 
Your cardinal virtue, great neceffity ; 
Wait on her clofe, with all occafions : 
Be watchful, have as many eyes as heav'n, 
And ears as harveft : be refolv'd and impudent j 
Believe none, truft none : for in this city 
(As in a fought field, crows, and carcaffes) 
No dwellers are but cheaters and cheatees. 

RONCA. If all the houfes in the town were prifons, 
The chambers cages, all the fettles ftocks, 
The broad- gates gallowies, and the whole people 
Juftices, juries, conftables, keepers and hangmen, 
I'd pradtife in fpite of all, and leave behind me 
A fruitful feminary of our profefiion, 
And call them by thy name Albumazarians ! 

HARP. And I no lefs, were all the city thieves 
As cunning as thyfelf. 

ALB. Why bravely fpoken, 
Fitting fuch generous fpirits : I'll make way 
To your -great virtue with a deep refemblance 
Of high aftrology. Harpax and Ronca, 
Lift to our profit : I have new-lodg'd a prey 
Hard by, that, taken, is fo fat and rich, 
'Twill make us leave off trading, and fall to purchafc, 

HARP. Who is't ? fpeak quickly ? 

RON. 



ALBUMAZAR. 3 

RONCA. Where, good Albumazar ? 

ALB. 'Tis a rich gentleman, as old as foolifh. 
The poor remnant of whofe brain that age had left hirri, 
The doting love of a young girl hath dried : 
And which concerns us moft, he gives firm credit 
To necromancy and aftrology, 
Sending to me, as one that promife both. 
JPandolfo is the man. 

HARP. What, old Pandolfo! 

ALB. The fame [Furbo fings} but flay, yon's Furbo, 

whofe fmootheft brow 

Shines with good news, and's vifage promifes 
Triumphs and trophies to us ! (Furbo plays. 

RONCA. My life he 'as learnt out all, I know by's 
mufic. 

Enter FURBO. 

SONG. 

See, great ALBUMAZAR ! 
Stand off, ye 'vulgar and profane I 
Wonder ; gaze, and gape afar, 

To fear ch thejkill,you muft not deign, 
Of great ALBUMAZAR"! 

His power can make you rich and great, 
Transform your Jhape, reverfe your ftate, 

Foretell the future, tell the paft ; 
Pronounce your fate, for foon or late, 

He' II dupe ye, cheat ye, choufe you all at laft. 

Away, ye gip/ies ! pilfer, thieve / 
Poor f truant men and maids deceive ! 
HE tricks the rich, confults tbejkits ; 

Tour fate can weave, 

For by your leave, 
He'll dupe ye, cheat ye, cboufe ye all at lajl. 



4 ALBUMAZAR. 

ALB. O brave Furbo ! 

FURBO. Albumazar, 

Spread out thy nets at large, here's fowl abundance ; 
Pandolfo*s ours -, I underftand his bufmefs, 
Which I filcht clofely from him, while he rcveal'd 
T' his man his purpofes and projects. 

ALB. Excellent! 

FURBO. Thanks to this inftrument : for in pretence 
Of teaching young Sulpitia, th' old man's daughter, 
I got acceis to th' houfe, and while I waited .- 
'Till me was ready, over-heard Pandolfo 
Open his fecrets to his fervants : thus 'tis. 
Antonio, Pandolfo's friend and neighbour. 
Before he went to Barbary, agreed 
"To give in marriage 

ALB. Furbo, this is no place 
Fit to confider curious points of bufmefs ; 
Come, let's away, I'll hear't at large y.bove : 
Ronca, ftay you below, and entertain' him 
With a loud noife of my deep Ikill in art ; 
Thou know'ft my rofy modefty cannot do it : 
Harpax, up you, and from my bed-chamber, 
Where all things for our purpofes are ready, 
Second each beck, and nod, and word of ours. 
You know my meaning. 

HARP.' Yes, yes. 

FURBO. Yes, Sir. 

ALB. Away then to our feveral flations. 

Exeunt Albumazsr, &fr. 
Furbo jivging* 

Enter PANDOLPHO, CRICCA. 

RON. There's old Pandolfo, amorous as youthful 

May, 
And grey as January : I'll attend him here. 

' PAN. 



ALBUMAZAR. 5 

FAN. Cricca, I feek thy aid, not thy crofs counfel ; 
J am mad in love with Flavia, and muft have her : 
Thou ipend'ft thy reafohs to the contrary, 
Like arrows againft an anvil : J love Fla/ia, 
And muft have Flavia. 

CR'IC. Sir, you have no reafon, 
She's a young girl of fixteen, you of fixty, 

PAN. I have no reafon, nor fpare room for any : 
Love's harbinger hath chalkt upon my heart, 
And with a coal writ on my brain, for Flavia, 
This houfe is wholly taken up for Flavia. 
Let reafon get a lodging with her wit : 
Vex me no more, I mud have Flavia. 

CR'IC. But Sir, her brother Lelio, under whofe charge 
She's now, after her father's death, fware boldly 
Pandolfo never mall have Flavia. 

PAN. His father, e'er he went to Barbary, 
Promised her me : who be he live or dead, 
Spight of a lift of Lelio's, Pandolfo 
Shall enjoy Flavia. 

CRIC. Sir, y'are too old. 

PAN. I muft confefs in years about threefcore, 
But in tough ftrength of body, four and twenty, 
Or two months lefs. Love of young Flavia, 
More powerful than Medea's drugs, renews me : 
My arteries blown full with youthful fpirits, 
Move the blood more brifkly, and my wither'd 
Nerves grow plump. Hence, thou poor prop 
Of feeblenels and age; (tbrows away bis fiick) walk with 

fuch fires 

As with cold palfies make aivay their ftrength, 
And lofe their legs with cureleis gouts : Pandclfo, 
New-moulded, is for revels, mafks, and mufic ! Cricca, 
String my neglected lute, and from my armory 
Scour my beft fword, companion of my youth. 

CRIC. Your love, Sir, like ftrong water, 

To 



6 ALBUMAZAR. 

To a deplord fick man, quicks your feeble limbs 
.For a poor moment, which as foon grow cold ; 
Shall I fpeak plainer, Sir ? fhe'll cuckold you ; 
Alas ! fhe'll cuckold you. 

PAN. What me ? a man of known difcretion, 
Of riches, years, and this grey gravity ? 
I'll fatisfy'r v/ith gold, rich clothes, and jewels. 

CRIC. Wer't not far fitter to urge your fon Eugenio 
To woo her for himfelf ? 

PAN. Cricca, be gone. 

Touch no more there ; I will and mult have Flavia. 
Tell Lelio, if he grant me his filter Flavia, 
I'll give my daughter to him in exchange. 
Be gone, and find me here within this half hour. 

[Exit CRICCA. 

RON. 'Tit well that fervant's gone , I mall the eafier 
Wind up his mafter to my purpofes. 

PAN, Sure this is fome novice of th* artillery, 
That winks and moots : Sir, prime, prime your piece 

anew, 
tThe powder's wet. [Knocks at the doer. 

RON. A good afcendcntblefsme! Sir, are you fran- 
tick ? 

PAN. Whyfrantick? are not knocks the lawful courfes 
To open doors and ears ? 

RON. Of vulgar men and houfes. 

PAN. Whofe lodging's this ? is't not the aflrologer's ? 

RON. His lodging? no: 'tis the learn'dphrontifterion 
Of moft divine Albumazar ! 

PAN. Good Sir, 

If the door break, a better fhall redeem it. 
RON. How ! all your land fold at a hundred years 

purchafe 

Cannot repair the damage of one poor rap ! 
To thunder at the phontifterion 
Of great Albumazar ! 

PAN. 



ALBUMAZAR. 7 

PAN. Why, man, what harm ? 

RON. Sir, you muft know my matter's heav'nly brain 
Pregnant with myfteries of metaphyficks, 
Grows to the embryo of rare contemplation, 
Which at full time brought forth, excels by far 
7"he armed fruit of Vulcan's midwifry, 
That leapt from Jupiter'- mighty cranium. 

PAN. Pray you If eak Engliih : 
Are you your mafter's countryman ? 

RON, Yes ; why afk you ? 

PAN. Then mult I get an interpreter for your language. 

RON. You need not ; with a wind-inftrument my 

matter made, 

In five days you may breathe ten languages, 
As perfect as the devil or himfelf. 

PAN. When may I fpeak with him ? 

RON. When't may pleafe the ftars. 
He pulls you not a hair, nor pares a nail, 
77;. ftirs a foot without due figuring 
The uorofcope. Sit down awhile, and't pleafe you ; 
I fee the heavens incline to his approach. 

PAN What's this, I pray you ? 

RON. Sir, 'tis a perfpicii, the beft under heaven : 
With this I'll read a leaf of that fmall Iliad 
That in a walnut-mtll was defk'd, as plainly 
Twelve long miles off, as you fee Paul's from High- 
gate. 

PAN. Wonderful workman of fo rare an inftrumentl 

RON. 'Twill draw the moon fo near, that you would 

fwear 

The bufh of thorns in't pricks your eyes : nay more, 
It fearcheth like the eye of truth all clofets 
That have windows : Have at Rome, I fee the Pope, 
His cardinals, and his mule, the Englifli college, 
And the Jefuits, like a fwarni of bees, 
All buzzing juft turn'd out. 

PAN. A good riddance! let me fee thfc Jefuits, 

RON. 



* ALBUMAZAR. 

RON. So far you cannot : for this glafs is fram'd 
For eyes of thirty ; you are nigh threefcore. 

PAN. The price ? 

RON. I dare not fell't. 
But here's another of a ftranger virtue. 
The great Albumazar, by wond'rous art, 
Hath fram'd an inilrument ;hat magnifies 
Objects of hearing, as this doth of feeing, 
That you may know each whifper from Prefler John 
Againil the wind, as frefli as 'twere deliver'd 
Through a trunk, or Glofter's liftning wall. 

PAN. And may I fee it, Sir ? bit-Is me once more. 

RON. 'Tis fomething ceremonious; but you mall 
Stand thus. What hear you ? [try't. 

PAN. Nothing. 

RON. Set your hands thus 
That the vortex of the organ may perpendicularly 
Point out our zenith what hear you now ? ha, ha, ha. 

PAN. A humming noife of laughter. 

RON. Why that's the audience 
In a theatre, that now, Sir, are merry 
With an old gentleman in a comedy what now ? 

PAN. No more than a dead oyfter. 

let me fee this wond'rous inftrument. 
RON. Sir, this is called an otacoufticon. 

PAN. A coufticon ! 
Why 'tis a pair of afs's ears, and large ones. 

RON. True ; for in fuch a form the great Albumazar 
Hath fram'd it purpofely, as fit'ft receivers 
Of founds, as fpedtacles like eyes for fight. 

PAN. What gold will buy it ? 

RON. I'll fell it you when 'tis finifli'd ; 
As yet the epiglottis is unperfect. 

PA\ T . Soon as you can,and here's ten crowns inearneft. 
For when 'tis done, and I have, purchas'd it, 

1 mean to entail it on my heirs male for ever. 

RON. 



ALBUMAZAR. 9 

Nay, rather give it to Flavia for her jointure: 
For ihe that marries you, deferves it richly. 

Enter CRICCA. 

CRIC. Sir,! have fpoke with Lelio, and he anfwers 

PAN. Hang Lelio, and his anfwers -Come hither, 

Cricca. 

Wonder for me, admire, and be aftonifh'd ! 
Marvel thyielf to marble at thefe engines, 
Thele ftrange Gorgonian inftrumcnts ! 

CRIC. At what? 

PAN. At this rare perfpicil and otacoufticon : 
For with thefe two I'll hear and fee all fecrets, 
Undo intelligencers. Pray let my man fee 
What's done in Rome ; his eyes are juft as your's are. 

RON. Pandolfo, are you mad ? be wife and fecret j 
Sec you the fteep danger you are tumbling in ? 
Know you not that thefe inftruments have power 
To unlock the hidden'ft clofets of whole ftates ? 
And you reveal fuch myfteries to a fervant ? 
Sir, be adris'd, or elfe you learn no more 
Of our unknown philofophy. 

PAN. Enough, 
What news from I.ilio ? mall I have his fitter ? 

CRIC. He fwears and vows he never will confent. 
She mall not play with worn antiquities, 
Nor lie with mow and ftatues -, and inch replies 
That I omit for reverence of your worihip. 

PAN. Not have his filler ? Cricca, I will hare Flavia, 
Maugre his head : by means of this aftrologer 
I'll enjoy Flavia. 

RON. One minute brings him. 

CRIC. What 'ftrologcr ? 

PAN. The learned man I told thee, 
The high almanack of Germany, an Indian 
Far beyond Trebefond, and Tripoli, 

C Clofc 



10 A L 3 U M A Z A R. 

Clofe by the world's end : a rare conjuror, 
And great aftrologer! His name, pray Sir? 

RON. Albumazarro Meteorolcopico. 

PAN. As he excels in fcience, fo in title. 
He tells of loft plate, horfes, and ftray'd cattle, 
Directly, as he had ftolen them ail himfclf. 

CRIC. Or he, or fome of his confederates. 

PAN. As thou refpects thy life, look to thy tongue 
Albumazar has an otacoufticon ! 
Be filent, reverent, and admire his (kill ! 
See what a promifing countenance appears ! 
Stand ftill and wonder ; wonder and Hand ftill ! 

Enter ALBUMAZAR. 

ALB. Ronct, the bunch of planets new found out 
Hanging at the end of my belt perfpicil, 
Send them to Galileo at Padua : 
Let him beftow them where he plcafe. Buttheftart 
Lately difcovered 'twixt the horns of Aries, 
Are as a prcfent for Pandolfo's marriage, 
And hence ftil'd Sidera Pandolfea : 

PAN. My marriage,Cricca! he forefees my marriage 
O moft celeftial Albumazar ! 

CRIC. And fends y* a prefent from the head of Aries. 

RON. The perpetual motion 
With a true 'larum in't to run twelve hours 
'Fore Mahomet's return ? 

ALB. Deliver it fafe 

To a Turkey factor, bid him with care prefent it 
From ine to the houfe of Ottoman. 

RON. I go, Sir. [Exit Ron. 

ALB. Signior Pandolfo, I pray you pardon me, 
Exotical difpatches of great confequence 
Staid me ; and cafting the nativity 
'O' th' Cham of Tartary, and a private conference, 
With a mercurial intelligence. 

Y'are 



ALBUMAZAR. n 

Y' are welcome in a good hour, better minute, 
Beft fecond, happieft third, fourth, fifth, and fcruple. 
Let the twelve houies of the horofcope 
IS- lodg'd with fortitudes and fortunates, 
To make you bleil in your defigns, Pandolfo. 

PAN, Wexe't-not much trouble to your ftarry em- 
ployments, 

I a poor mortal would kitreat your furtherance 
In a terreftrial bufmefs. 

ALB. My ephemeris lies, 
Or I forefee your errand : Thus, 'tis thus. 
You had a neighbour call'd Antonio, 
A widower like yourfelf, whofe only daughter, 
Flavia, ycu love, and he as much admir'd 
Your child Sulpitia. Is /not this right ? 

PAN. Yes, Sir: Oftrange! Cricca, admire in filence ! 

ALB. You two decreed a counter-match betwixtyou, 
And purpos'd to truck daughters. -Is't not fo ? 

PAN, Juftasyoufay't. Cricca, admire, and wonder ! 

CRIC. This is no fuch fecret : look to yourfelf, 
he'll cheat you. 

ALB. Antonio, after this match concluded, 
Having great fums of gold in Barbary, 
Defires of you, before he confummate 
The rites of matrimony, he might go thither 
For three months , but now 'tis three and three 
Since he embark'd, and is not yet return'd ; 
Now, Sir, your bufmefs is to me, to know 
Whether Antonio be dead or living 
I'll tell you inftantly. 

PAN. Haft thou reveal'd it ? 
I told it none but thee. 

CRIC. Not I. 

PAN. Why (tare you ? 
Are you not well ? 

ALB. I wander 'twixt ths poles 

And 



12 A L B U M A Z A R. 

And heavenly hinges, 'monft excentricals, 
Centers, concentncks, circles, and epicycles ! 
To hunt cut an afpe6t fit for your bufinds. 

CRIC. Mean oftentation ! for fhame awake yen rJCtlf; 
And give no credit to this cheater. 

ALB. This medling bufy fool muft be got rid. of. 

[afof. 

And fmce the lamp of Heaven is newly entred 

Into Cancer, old Antonio is dead, 

Drown*d in the fea ; for radi,us directorius 

In the fixth houfe, and th'waning moon by Capricorn' 

He's dead, he's dead. 

CRIC. 'Tis an ill time to marry, 
The moon grows fork'd, and walks with Capricorn ! 

PAN. Peace fool, thefe words are full of myllery. 

ALB. What ominous face, and difmai countenance, 
Mark'd for difafters, hated of all the heavens, 
Is this that follows you ? 

PAN. He is my lervant, . 
A plain and honeft fpeaker, but no harm in him. 

CRIC. What fee y6u in my face ? 'tis good as yours. 

ALE,. Horror and darknefs ! death and galiowies ! 
He is profane, my fpirits will not come, 
Or hear my call my art is dumb and uielefs, 
While ignorance and difbelicf are fufier'd 
To feoff my operations. .Let him go, 
Depart or let me loofe a fpirit at him, 
To fix him motionlefs on yonder beam, 
Till the work's done. 

CRIC I beg to be in motion, 
And depart. I am no friend to beams. 
And beg to wait without your farther pleafure. 

PAN. Your folly is its punifhment, begone. 

CRIC. Moft willingly I go. [Exit Cricca. 

PAN. Pardon the witlefs creature ; 
|^ow to our bufinefs - on great Albumazar. 

ALB, 



A L B U M A Z A R. 13 

ALB. I fhall but firft, 
I'll tell you what you mean to afk me. 

PAN. Strange ! 

ALB. Antonio dead, that promis'd you his daughter, 
Your bufinefs is to entreat me to raiie his ghoft, 
And force it ftay at home, 'till it have perform'd 
The promife paft, and io return to reft. 

PAN. Thatjthat; y'havehitit,moftdivineAlbumazar! 

ALB. I'll change fome fervant,or a good friend ot yours 
To the perfect fhape of this Antonio, 
So like in face, behaviour, fpeech and action, 
That all the town fhall iwear Antonio lives ; 

PAN. Moft Necromantical Aftrologer ! 
Do this, and take me for your fervant ever ; 
And for your pains, after the transformation, 
This chain is yours, it coil two hundred pounds 
Befides the jewel. 

ALB. Now get the man you purpofe to transform, 
-And meet me here. 

PAN. I will not fail to find you. 

ALB. Mean while with fciofcrical inflrument, 
By way of azimuth, and almicantarath, 
I'll feek fome happy point in heaven for you. 

PAN. I reft your fervant, Sir. 

ALB. Let all the ftars, 
Guide you with moft propitious influence ! 
I muft to my phrontefterion. [Exit Albumazar. 

PAN. What awonder ! Cncca,where are you Cricca \ 

Enter CRICCA. 

CRIC. Not motionlefs againft a beam,thank heaven ! 

PAN. Peace and be wife , mould you roule his anger 
Again, my pow'r and fortune cannot fave you. 
He's a great man indeed ! of fkill profound ! 
How right he knew my bufinefs 'fore he faw me ; 
And how them fcoffeft him, when we talk'd in private, 

CRIC. 



i'4 A L B U M A Z A R. 

CRIC. In earned, Sir, I took him for a cheater. 

PAN. Learn from this, Cricca, to believe the ftars, 
And reverence aftrclogy Let us now go home, 
And make the neceffary preparations , 
I'll talk in private to thee if thoul't follow 
My commands, and hearken to divine Albumazar, 
Thy fortune's made ! I'll tell thee as we go. 

{Exeunt. 



A C T II. S C E N E I. 

A STREET. 
Enter T R i N c A L o. 

TRIN. JLJLE that faith I am not in love, he lies de cap 
c. pie ; ror I am idle, choicely, neat in my clothes, 
valiant, and extreme witty. My meditations are 
loaded with metaphors, fongs, and fonnets , not a dog 
Uiukes his tail, but I figh out a paffion , thus do I to 
my miftrefs , but, alas ! I kifs the dog, and me kicks 
me. I never fee a ycung wanton filly, but fay I, 
there goes Armellina ! nor a lufty ftrong afs, but I 
rcir,ember myfelf, and fit down to confider, what a 
goodly race of mules would inherit, if flie were wil- 
ling: only I want utterance, and that's amain mark 
.of love too. 

Enter ARMELLINA. 

ARM. Trincalo, Trincalo. 

TRIN. O, 'tis Armellina ! Now if flie have the wit 
to begin, as I mean flie mould, then will I confound 
her with compliments, drawn from the plays I fee 

at 



ALBUMAZAR. 15 

at the Fortune, and Red Bull, where I learn all the 
words I fpeak and underftand not. 

ARM. Trincalo, what price bears wheat and fafFron, 
that you arc drefTed out fa and no holiday not a 
word P Why, Trincalo, what bufinefs in town ? how 
do all at Totnam ?< grown mute? What do ycu 
bring from the country ? 

TRIN. There 'tis. Now are my flood gates drawn,, 
And I'll furround her. 

ARM. What have you brought, I fay ? no good 
manners, I'll iwear for it. 

TRIN. What I want in good manners is made up 
in my affections. What have I brought, fweet bit of 
beauty ? a hundred thoufand falutaticns o* th' elder 
houfe to your moil illuftrious honour andworlhip. 

ARM. To me thefe titles ? Is your bafket full of 
nothing elfe ? 

TRIN. Full of the fruits of love, moft refplendent 
lady ; a prefent to your worthiness from your worlhip's 
poor vaifai Trincalo. 

ARM. My life on't, he fcrap'd thefe compliments 
from his cart the lait load he carried for the court- 
ftables. What have you read, that makes jou grow 
ib eloquent ? 

TRIN. Sweet madam, I read nothing but the lines 
of your ladyfhip's countenance ; and defire only to 
kils the fkirts of your garments, if you vouchfsfe me 
not the happinefs of your white hands. 

ARM. Come, give's your balket, and take it. 

TRIN.. O fwee.t I now will I never waili my mouth- 
after, nor breathe but at my noftrils, left I lofe the 
taile of her fingers. Armellina, I muft tell you a 
fecret, if you'll make much on't. 

ARM. As it deferves. What is't ? 

TB.IN. I love you, dear morfel of modefly, I love 
you 5 and fo truly, that I'll make you miitrefsof .my 

thought"., 



3 6 ALBUMAZAR. 

thoughts, lady of my revenues, and commit all my 
fecrets into your hands , that is, I'll give you an earneft 
kifs in the highwuy of matrimony. 

ARM. Is this the end of all this bufmefs ? 

TRIN. This is the end of all this bufmefs, mod 
beautiful, and moil worthy to be moft beautiful lady. 

ARM. What, do you want to fmifli with me before 
you have made a beginning ? do you imagine you oaf 
you, that we of the city are to be woo'd and won like 
country girls, with / like you Mall, when mall we 
wed, ha ? E'en when you pleafe, good Robin. A little 
more ceremony with me, if you pleafe, Mr. Trincalo 
of Totnam ; there frake your bafket, grow a little wifer, 
and you may have better luck another time. 

[Exit Arm. 

TRIN. Why now me knows my meaning, let it 
work. She put up the fruit in her lap, and threw 
away the bafket : 'tis a plain fign fhe abhors the words, 
and embraces the meaning O lips, no lips, but leaves 
bcfmear'd with mel-dew ! O dew, no dew, but drops 
of honey-combs ! O combs, no combs, but fountains 
full of tears ! O tears, no tears, but here comes 
rny landlord. 

Enter PANDOLFO. 

PAN. Cricca denies me : no perfuafions, 
Proffers, rewards, can work him to transform. 
Tender's my country farmer, Trincalo : 
Never in fitter time, good Trincalo. 

TRIN. Like a lean horie t' a frem and Infty pafture. 

PAN. What rent do'ft pay me for thy farm atTotnam ? 

TRIN. Ten pound-, and find it too dear a penny worth. 

PAN. My hand, here. Take it rent-free for three lives, 
To ferve me in a bufmefs I'll employ thee. 

TRIN. Serve you ? I'll ferve, referve, conferve, 
preferve, 

Defefve 



ALBUM AZAk. *; 

Deferve you for th' one half O Armellina ! 

A jointure, ha, a jointure ! What's your employment ? 

PAN. Here's ah ailrologer has a wond'rous fecret, 
To transform men to other fh'apes and perfons. 

TKIN. How transform things to men ? I'll bring 

nine taylo'rs,* 

Rcfus'cl laft muiter, fliall give five marks a-piece 
To fhape three men of fervice out of all, 
And grant him the remnant mreds above the bargain. 

PAN. Now, if thoul't let him change thee , take this 

Jeafe, 
Drawn ready , put what lives thou pleafeft. 

TRIN. Stay, Sir. 

Say I am transform'd : who mail enjoy the leafe, 
I, or the peribn I muft turn to ? 

PAN. Thou, 

Thou. The rcrfemblance lafts but one whole day ; 
Then home, true farmer, as thou wert before. 

TRIN. Where mail poor Trincalo be ? how's this ? 

transform'd ! 

Tranfrrmted ! ho ,v ? not I 1 love myfelf 
Better than fo : there's no leafe I'd not venture 
For the whole fee-fimple. 

PAN. Tell me the difference 
Betwixt a fool and a wife man". 

TRIN. As 'twixt your worlhip and myfelf. 

PAN. A wife man 

Accepts all fair occafions of advancement, 
While your poor fool and clown, for fear of peril, 
Sweats hourly for a dry brown cruft to bedward, 
And wakes all ni2;ht for want of moifture. 

TRIN. Well, Sir, 

I'd rather ftarve in this my lovM image, 
Than hazard thus my life for others looks, 
Change is a kind of death, I dare not try it. 

P AN . ' Tis not fo dangerous as thou tak'ft it j we'll only 
D 



1 8 . A L B U M A Z A K r 

Alter thy connt'nance for a day Imagine 

Thy face mafk'd only , or that thou dream'ft all night 

Thou wer't apparel'd in Antonio's form, 

And, waking, find thyfelf true Trincalo. 

TRIN. Antonio's form ! was not Antonio a gentleman? 

PAN. Yes, and a neighbour : that's his houfe. 

TRIN. O ho ! 

Now do I fmell th' aftrologer's trick : he'll fteep me- 
In foldier's blood, or boil me in a cauldron 
Of barbarous law French ; or anoint me over 
With fupple oil of great mens fervices , 
For thefe three means raife yeomen to the gentry : 
Pardon" me, Sirj I hate thofe medicines Fie! 
All my poilerity will fmell and tafte on't, 
Long as the houfe of Trincalo endures. 

PAN. There's no fuch bufmefs ; thou {halt only feem fo, 
And thus deceive Antonio's family. 

TRIN.. Are you affur'd ? 'twould grieve me to be 

pounded 

In a huge mortar, wrought to pafte, and moulded 
To this Antonio's mould : Grant I be turn'd : what then? 

PAN. Enter his houfe, be reverenc'd by his fervants, 
And give his daughter Flavia to me in marriage. 
The circumftances I'll inftrucl: thee after. 

TRIN. Pray give me leave : this fide fays do't, this 

do not. 

Before I leave you, Tom Trincalo, take my counfel : 
Thy miftrefs Armellina is Antonio's maid, 
And thou, in his fhape, may 'ft poffefs her- : turn 
But if I be Antonio, then Antonio 
Enjoys that happinefs, not Trincalo. 
A pretty trick to make myfelt a cuckold ! 
No, no ; there take your leafe, 1*11 hang firft Soft, 
Be not fo chol'rick, Thomas. If I become Antonio, 
Then all his riches follow : This fair occafion 
Once vanifn'd, hope not the like ; of a ftark clown, 
I ihall appear fpeck-and-fpan a gentleman ! 

A 



ALBUM AZAR. 19 

A pox of ploughs and carts, and whips and horfes! 
Then Armellina mall be given to Trincalo, 
Three hundred crowns her portion : We'll get a boy, 
And call him Transformation Trincalo : 
I'll do't, Sir. 

PAN. Art refolv'd? 

TRIM. Reiolv'd ! 'tis done ; 

"With this condition : after I have given your wormip 
My daughter Flavia, you mail then move my wormip, 
And much intreat me, to beftow my maid 
Upon myfelf, I mould fay, Trincalo. 

PAN. Content; and, for thy fake, will make her portion 
Two hundred crowns. 

TRIN. Come, come, Sir, quickly, 
Let's to th' aftrqloger and there transform, 
Reform, conform, deform me at your pleaiure : 
I loath this country-countenance Difpatch : my fldn 
Itches, like fnakes in April, to be cut off: 
<,Quickly, O quickly ! as you love Flavia, quickly. 

{Exit. 
SCENE, a CHAMBER. 

Enter SULPITIA and FLAVIA. 

SUL. I prithee, Flavia, do not droop fq. 

FLA. Sulpitia, I pray you pardon me, I cannot 
help it. 

SUL. Faith you have fome bad thoughts that trou- 
ble you, my Fiavia, I prithee tell 'em to thy friend. 

FLA. 'Tis true I have, and I think, the fame that 
troubles you. 

SUL. Then 'tis the love of a young gentleman, and 
bitter hatred of an old dotard. 

FLA. 'Tis fo, witnefs your brother Eugenio, and 
the rotten carcafe of Pandolfo. Had I a hundred 
hearts, I mould want room to.entertain his love, and 
the other's hate. 

SUL. I could fay as much, were't not fin.toflander the 
D 2 dead. 



2& A L B U M A Z A R. 

dead. Miferable wenches ! how have we offended out 
fathers, that they fhould make us the pric? of their do- 
tage, the medicines of their griefs, that have more need 
of phyfic ourfelves ? I mufl be froft-bitten with the cold 
of your dad's winter, that mine may thaw his old ice 
\viththefpringof your fixteen. I thank my dead mother, 
that left me a woman's will in her laft teftament : That's 
all the weapons we poor girls can ufe, and with that 
will I fight 'gainfl father, friend's, and kindred, and 
cither have Lelio, or die in the field in's quarrel. 

FLA. Sulpicia, you are happy that can withftand 
your fortune with fo merry a refolution. 

SUL. Why mould I twine my arms to cables, and 
figh my foul to air? fit up all night like a watch- 
candle, and diftill my brains through my eye-lids ? 
Your brother loves me, and I love your brother ; 
2nd where thefe two confent, I would fain fee a third 
could hinder us. 

FLA. Alas ! our fex is mofl wretched, nurs'd up 
from infancy in continual flavery. No fooner able to 
prey for ourfelves, but they brail and hud us fo with 
four awe of parents, that we dare not offer to bate at 
our defires. And whereas it becomes men to vent 
their amorous paffion at their pleafure; we, poor 
fouls, muft rake up our affections in the ames or* a 
burnt heart, not daring to figh, without excufe pf 
the fpleen, or fit of the vapours. 

SUL. I plainly will profefs my love of Lelio, 'tis honeft 
chafte, and ftains no naodefty. Shall I be married to An- 
tonio, that hath been a fous'd fea-fifn thefe three months ? 
and if he be alive, comes home with as many impairs as 
a caft hunter or a fall*n pack-horie. No, noj I'll fee 
him freeze to cryftal firft: In other things, good father, 
I am your moft obedient daughter, but in this a pure 
woman. 'Tis your part to offer, mine toreiufe, if I 
like not. Lclio's a handfome gentleman, young, frefh, 
rich, and well fafhion'd ; and him will Sulpitia have, or 

die 



A L B U M A Z A R. 21 

die a maid : And i'faith, the temper of my blood tells 
me I never was bom to fo cold a misfortune. Fie, Fia- 
via! fie wench ! no more tears and iighs, cheer up ; 
Eugenio to my knowledge loves you, and you Hi all 
bave him , I lay you (hull have him. 

FLA. 1 doubt not of his love, but know no means 
how he dares work againil fo great a rival : yur father 
"in a fpleen may difmherit him. 

SUL, And give't to whom ? h'as none but him and 
me : what though he cleat awhile upon your beauty, 
he will not prove unnatural to his fon. Go to your 
chamber , my genius whifpcrs in my ear, and fwears, 
this night we mall enjoy our loves. Come chear up 
my girl, and go with me to my chamber, where 
Lelio and your mother fby to meet us. [Exeunt. 

SCENE, the court before ALBUM AZAR'S Houfe. 
Enter ALEUMAZAR, PANDOLFO, ROXCA, TRINCALO. 

ALB. SigaiorPandolfo,y' arrive in the happieft hour : 
If the feven planets were your neareft kindred, 
And all the conftellations your allies : 
Were the twelve houfes, and the inns o' th' Zodiack, 
Your owry fee-fimple, they could ne'er have chofen 
A fitter place to favour your defires. 
For the great luminaries look from Hilech, 
And, mid ft of heaven, in angles, conjunctions, 
And fortunate afpects, a Trine and Sex tile, 
Ready to pour propitious influences. 

PAN. Thanks to your power and courrefy, that fo 

plac'd them. 
That is the nun that's ready for the bufinefs ! 

ALB. Of a moil happy count'nance, and timber fit 
Tofquare to th' gentry: his looks as apt for changing, 
As he were covered with camelions ikins. 

TRIN. Except rny hands, and 'twill be troubkf ..ne 
To fit tkefe fingers to Antonio's gloves. 

PA;<. Pray let's about the work as foon as may be. 

ALB. 



2z ALBUM' AZAR, 

ALB. Firft chufe a large low room, whole door's full 
call. 

PAN. I have a pa-rlour. 
Of a great fquare and height as yon defire it. 

ALB. Southward mult look a wide and fpacious win- 
dow : 

For whofoever Omar, Alchabitius, 
Hali, Albenezra, feern fomething to difient ; 
Yet Zoroaftres, fon of Oromafus, 
<}ebir and Biidda Babilonicus, 
With all the fubtile Cabalifts and Chaldees, 
Swear the beft influence for our metamorphofis, 
Stoops from the fouth, or, as fome lay, fouth-eaft. 

PAN. This room's as fit as you had made it of purpofe. 

TRIN. Now do I feel the ralf of my right leg 
Tingle, dwindle toth' fmallneis of a bed-ftaff. 
Such ? fpeech more, turns my high moes ftrait boots. 

RON. Ne'er were thofe authors cited to better purpofe, 
For, thro' that window, all Pandolfo's treafures 
Muft take, their flight, and fall upon my moulders. 

PAN. Go to my houfe, fatisfy your curious choice $ 
But, credit me, this parlour's fit , it neighbours 
To a blind alley, that in bufieft term-time, 
Feels not the footing of one paflenger. 

ALB. Now then -declining from Theourgia, 
Artenofaria, Pharmacia, rejecting 
Necro-puro-geo-hydro-cheiro-.colcinomancy, 
With ail other vain and fuperihiious iciences, 
Wt'll anchor at the art preltigiatory, 
Tl^at reprefents one figure for another, 
With fmooth deceit abufing th* eyes of mortals. 

'1 .rw. O my right arm ! 'tis alter'd ; and methinks 
3Longs for a fword The ftrangenefs of thefe names 
'Hath fcaPd the marks of many a painful harveft, 
And made my new peel'd finger itch for dice. 

PAN. Deeply confider'd, wond'rous Albumazar ! 
O let ,-mekifs thole lips that flow with icience. 

ALB. 



ALBUMAZA R. 23 

ALB. Spread all the floor with fined Holland {beets,. 
And over them fair damafk table cloths ; 
Above all thefe, draw me chafte virgins aprons: 
The room, the work, and workman muft be pure. 

TRIN. With virgins aprons? the whole compafso 

this city 
Cannot afford a dozen. 

ALB. An altar in the midft, loaded with plate 
Of filver bafons, ewers, cups, candlefticks ; 
* T were not amifs to mix fome bowls of gold, 
So they be mafTy, the better to refemble 
The lovely brotherhood of Sol, and Luna : 
The more abundance, fooner mall we finim. 
For 'tis our rule, in fuch like bufinefTes, 
Who fpares moft, fpends molt. Either this mull do% 
Or th' revolution of Eve hundred years 
Cannot : fo fit are all the heavens to help us. 

PAN. Sir, for rich plate and jewels I have ftorcj 
But know not how to furniih you with hangings. 

ALB. Cannot you borrow from the mops ? Four hours- 
Shall render all as fair as you receiv'd it. 

J?AN. That can I eafily do ; all mail be done, Sir, 
as you commanded. 

TRIN.. Doctor A'bumazar, I have a vein of drinking, 
And an artery of wenching runs thro' my body. 
Pray when you turn me gentleman preferve thole, 
Two if it may be done with reputation. 

ALB. Fear not, I'll only call the firft good 
Fellowfhip, and th' other civil recreation. 

TRIN. And when you come to the heart, fpoil not 
The love of Armcllina, and in my brain leave 
As much discretion as may fpy falmood in a tavera 
Reckoning, and let me alone for bounty to wink 
And pay it j and if you change me perfectly Pil 
Bring you a dozen knights for cuitomers. 

ALB. I warrant you ; 

And when your man's transform'd, the chain you 
promis'd. 



24 A L B U M A Z A R. 

PAX. My hand ; My deeds fliall wait upon my 
prcmife. 

AJ.B. Lead then, with happy foot, to view the 
chamber. 

PAN. I go, Sir. Trincalo, attend us here, 
And not a word, on peril of thy life, 

THIN. Sir, if they kill me, I'll not fiir a foot;- 
And, if my tongue's pulPd out, not fpeak a word. 

[Exit Alb. and Pan. 

TRIM. O what bufmefs 'tis to be transform'd I 
My mailer talks of four .and twenty hours ; 
But if I mifs thefe flags of yeomanry, 
Gilt in the ieat, and (hine in the bloom of gentry, 
'Tis not their '{urology, nor facrifice, 
Shall force me call that coat. I'll ne'r part with't, 
Till I be mt'riff of the county, and in commimon 
Of peace and quorum. Then will I get me a clerk, 
A praflis'd fellow, wifer than my worlhip, 
And domineer amongft my fearful neighbours, 
And feafl them bountifully with their own bribes. 
Enter CIUCCA. 

due. Trincalo ! 

TRIM. Wear a gold chain at every quarter fefTions, 
Lo >k,big, and grave, and fpeak not one wife word. 

C:i:c. Trincalo ! 

T.RIN. Examine wenches got with child, and curioufly 
Search all the circumfbances : have blank mittimuffes 
Printed in readmefs -, breathe nought but firrah, 
Rogue, ha? how? hum? conftable, look to your charge. 
Then vouch a ftatute, and a Latin fentence, 
Wide from the matter. 

CRIC. Trincalo I 

TRIM.. Licence all ale-honfcs, 

Match my fon's transformation t'a knight's daughter^ 
And buy a bouncing pedigree of a Welch hearld : and 
then 

CRIC. What in fuch ferious meditations ? 

Twit 



A L B U M A Z A R. 2$ 

TRIN. Faith no ; but building caftles in the air, 
While th' weather's fit : O Cricca, fuch a bufmefs ! 

CRIC. What is't ? 

TRIN. Nay folt, they're fecrets of my matter ; 
Lock'd in my brsaft : he has the key at's purfe firings. 

CRIC. My matter's fecret? keep it, good farmer, 

keep it, 

I would not lend an ear to't, if thou didft hire me. 
Farrwell. 

TRTN. O how it boils and fwells ! if I keep't longer, 
'Twill grow t'impoftume in my breaft, and choak me. 
Cricca ! [ters 

CRIC. Adieu, good Trincalo , the fecrets of our bet* 
Are dangerous, 1 dare not know't. 

TRIN. But hear'ft thou, 
Say I mould tell, canft keep it as clofe as I do? 

CRIC. Yes : but I had rather want it. Adieit: 

TRIN. Albumazar 

CRIC. Farewell. 

TRIN. Albumazar >< 

CRIC. Pr'ythee. 

TRIN. Albumazar, 

Th' aftrologer, hath undertook to change me 
T' Antonio's fhape : this done, mud I give Flavia 
To my old matter, and his maid to Trincalo. 

CRIC. But where's Pandolfo and Albumazar ? 

TRIN. Gone newly home to choofe a chamber fitting 
For tranfrnutation. So, now my heart's ateafe ! 

CRIC. I fear the fkill and cunning of Albumazar, 
With his black art, by whom Pandolfo feeks 
To compafs Flavia, fpight of her brother Lilio, 
And 'his own fon Eugenio, that loves her dearly. 
I'll lofe no time, but find them, and reveal 
The plot and work to crofs this accident. 
But Trincalo, art thou fo ram and vent'rous 
To be transform'd with hazard of thy life ? 

E Tuif,- 



26 A L B U M A Z A R, 

TRIN. What care I for a life, that have a leafe 
For three : but I am certain there's no danger in't.. 
Cricca, thou underftandeft not : for Antonio, 
Whom I referable, fuffcrs all ; not I. 

CRIC. Yonder Pandolfo comes, I'll hence and hafte 
to Lelio. [Exit Cricca* 

Enter PANDOLFO. 

PAN. Up quickly, Trincalo, to my child Sulpitia ;, 
Bid her lay out my faireft damaik table-cloths, 
The faireft Holland Sheets, all the filver plate, 
Two gofiip's cups of gold ; my greateft diamonds : 
Make hafte. 

TRIN. As faft as the ftars will let me. [Exit Trin, 
PAN. This is that bleffed day I fo much long'd for: 
Four hours attendance, 'till my man be chang'd, 
Faft locks me in the lovely arms of Flavia. 
How (low the day Hides on ! when we defire 
Time's hafte, it feems to lofe a match with lobfters, 
And when we wifh him ftay, he imps his wings 
With feathers plum'd with thought, [Exit Pan,. 

SCENE, ^CHAMBER. 
Enter LELIO, EUGENIC, CRICCA. 

LEL. Eugenio, thefe words are wonders part belief, 
Is your old father of fo poor a judgement, 
To think it in the power of m^n to turn 
One perfon to another ? 

EUG. Lelio, his defire 
T'enjoy your fifter Flavia, begets hope, 
Which, like a waking dream, makes falfe appearance 
Lively as truth itfelf. 

LEL, But who's the man 
That works thefe miracles ? 

EUG. An aftrologer. 

LEL. How deals aftrology with transmutation ? 

CRIC. Under the veil and colour of a Urology, 

He 



ALBUMAZAR. 27 

He clouds his hellifh fkill in necromancy. 
Believe it by fome art, or falie impoflure, 
He'll much difturb your love, and your's, Eugenio. 

LEL. Eugenio, 'tis high time for t'awake.. 
And r,s you love our Flavia, and I 
Your filler, fair Sulpitia ; let's do fomething 
Worthy their beauties. Who falls into a fea, 
Swoln big with tempeft, but he boldly bears 
The waves with arms and legs, to fave his life ? 
So let us ftrive with our beft power, left 
After we afcribe the iofs to our dull negligence, 
Not fortune. 

Euc. I.elio, had I no intereft in your fitter, 
The holy league of friendlhip Ihould command me, 
Befides the fcconding Sulpitia's love, 
Who to your noblenefs commends her life. 

LEL. She cannot out-love me, nor you out-friend me; 
For th' facred name whereof, I have rejected 
Your father's offers, and importunities. 
But though I love you.r fitter 

Like mine own foul , yet did the laws of friendihip 
Mafter that ftrong affection, and deny'd him. 

EUG. Thanks .ever, and as long mail my beft fervice 
Wait on your will. Cricca^ our hope's in tbee, 
Thou m v jft inflruct us. 

CRIC. You muft truft in fortune, 
That makes or mars the wifefl purpofes. 

LEL. What fay'ft ? what think'ft ? 

CRIC. Here's no great need of thinking, 
Nor fpeech : the oil of fcorpions cures their poifon. 
The thing itfelf that's bent to hurt and hinder you, 
Offers a remedy : 'tis no fooner known, 
But th' worft on't is prevented. 

EUG. How, good Cricca ? 

CRIC. Soon as you fee this falfe Antonio 
Come near your doors with fpeeches made of purpofe, 
f ulj .of humility and c.ompaffion -, 

With, 



28 ALBUMAZAR. 

With long narrations how he 'icap'd from flrp'.vreck, 
And other feign'd inventions of his dangers : 
Bid him be gone ; and if he prds to enter, 
Fear not the reverence of your father's looks, 
Cudgel him thence. 

LEL. But were't not better, Cricca, 
Kee,p him faft lockt, till his own fliape return, 
And fo by open courfe of law correct him ? 

CRIC. No. For my matter would conceive that counfel 
Sprung from my brains : and fo ihould I repent it. 
Advife'no more, but home and charge your people, 
That if Antonio come, they drive iiim thence 
With threat'ning words, and blows if need be. 

I, EL. 'Tis done. 
I kifs your hands, Eugenio. 

EUG. Your fervant, Sir. I'll to your fitter, 
And Sulpitia, and prepare 'em for th' event. 



ACT III. 



w 



SCENE, a CHAMBER. 
Enter PANDOLFO, CRICCA. 



HILE the aftrologer hews out 
Squaring and framing him t'Antonio, 
Cricca, I'll make thee partner of a thought 
That fomething troubles me. i "-/' > 

CRIC. Say, Sir, what is't ? 

PAN. I have no heart to give Albumazar 
The chain I promis'd him. 

CRIC. Deliver it n~e, 
And I'll prefent it to him in your name. 

PAN. T'has been an inheritance to our houfe four 

hundred years, 

And mould I leave it now, I fear good fortune 
Would fly from us, and follow it. 



ALBUMAZAR. 29 

CRIC. Then give him 
The price in gold. 

PAN. It comes to two hundred pounds , 
And how would that well hufbanded, grow in time ! 
I was a fool to promife, I confefs it, 
I was too hot and forward in the bufmefs. 

CRIC. Indeed I wonder'd that your wary thriftinefs, 
Not wont to drop one penny in a quarter 
Idly, would part with fuch a fum ib eafiiy. 

PAN. My wary thrift aims at no other mark 
Than in fit time and place to mew my bounty. 
Who gives continually, may want at length 
Wherewith to feed his liberality. 
But for the love of my dear Flavia 
I would not fpare my life, much lefs my treafure.. 
Yet if with honour I can win her cheaper, 
Why mould I caft away fo great a fum ? 

CRIC. True: I have atricknow hatching in my brain, 
How you may handfomly preferve your credit, 
And fave the chain. 

PAN. I would gladly do it, 
But fear he underfcands us what we fay. 

CRIC. What canyon lofe to try't ? if it take, 
There's fo much fav'cl ; if otherwife, nothing loft. 

PAN. What is't, good Cricca ? 

CRIC. Soon as Albumazar comes, loaded with news 
Of th' tranfmutation of your fervant Trincalo, 
I'll entertain him here, mean while fteal you 
Clofely into the room> and quickly hide 
Some ipccial piece of plate : Then run out amaz'd, 
Roaring that all the ftreet may know y'are robb'd. 
Next threaten to attach him, and accufe him 
Before a juftice, and in th'end agree 
If he reftore the plate, you'll give the chain, 
Otherwife not. 

PAN. But if we be difcovered ! 
For by his inflruments and familiars 
l^Je can do much, 

CRIC, 



30 AL-BUMAZAR. 

CRIC. Lay all the fault on Trincalo. 
But here's the main point. If you can diflemble 
Cunningly, and frame your countenance to exprefs 
Pity and anger that fo learn'd a man 
Should ufe his friend fo bafely ; if you can call 
An out-cry well, roar high and terrible. 

PAN. I'll fetch a cry from th' bottom of my heels, 
But I'll roar loud enough; and thou muft fecond me 
With wonder at the fudden accident. 

CRIC. But yours is the main part, for as youplay't 
You win or lofe the chain. 

PAN. No more, no more, he comes. [Exit PG; 

Enter ALBUMAZAR. 

ALB. Where's Pandolfo ? three quarters of an hour 
Renders your fervant perfectly transform'd. 

CRIC.IS he noc wholly chang'd ? what parts arewanting 

ALB. Antonio's bulk hath cloth'd his ihape and vifage, 
Only his hands and feet, fo large and callous, 
Require more time to fupple. 

CRIC. Pray you, Sir, 
How long mall he retain this metamorphofis ? 

ALB. The compleat circle of a natural day. 

CRIC. A natural day ! are any days unnatural? 

ALB. I mean the revolution of th' firft mover, 
J nil twice twelve hours, in which period the rapt motion 
Howls all the orbs from eaft to Occident. 

Enter PANDOLFO. 

PAN. Help ! help ! thieves ! thieves ! neighbours, I 
am robb'd ! thieves, thieves ! 

CRIC. What a noife make you Sir ? 

PAN. Have T not reafon 

That tnus am robb'd ? thieves ! thieves! call conftables, 
The watch and ferjeants, friends and conftables, 
I^eighbours, I am undone ! 

CRTC. This is well begun. 
"What ails you, Sir ? 

PAN, 



ALBITMAZAR. 3* 

PAN. Cricca, my chamber's fpoiPd 
Of all my hangings, cloaths and filver plate. 

CRIC. Why, this is bravely feign'd ; continue, Sir. 
PAN. Feign'd ! 'tis true, villain ! thieves! thieves! 

thieves ! 
All that I had is gone, and more than all. 

CRIC. Ha, ha, ha, hold out; lay out a lion's throat, 
A little louder, that all the ftreet may hear. 

PAN. I can cry no longer, 
My throat's fore, I am robb'd, all's gone, 
Both my own treafure, and the things I borrowed. 
Make thou an out-cry, I have loft my voice ; 
Cry fire, and then they'll hear thee. 

CRIC. Good, good; thieves! thieves! fire! 
What have you loft ? 

PAN. Wine, jewele, table-cloths, 
A cupboard of rich plate. 

CRIC. Fie, you'll fpoil all. 
Now you outdo it. Say but a bowl or two. 

PAN. Villain, I fay all's gone ; the room's as clean 
As a wip'd looking glafs : oh me, oh me ! 
CRIC. What, in good earneft ? 
PAN. Fool, in accurfed earneft. 
CRIC. You gull me fure. 
PAN. They have gull'd me. 
The window towards the fouth ftands ope, from 
Whence went all my treafure. Where's the aftrologer? 
ALB. Here, Sir, and hardly can abftain from laughing 
To fee you vex yourfelf in vain. 

PAN. In vain, Aibumazar ? 
I left my plate with you, and 'tis all vanifli'd, 
And you mall anfwer it, 

ALB. O ! were it pofTible 
By pow'r of art to check what art hath done, 
Your man mould ne'er be chang'd : to wrong me thus 
With foul fufpicion of fiat felony ? 
Your plate, your cloth of Tilver, wine, 2nd -jewels,' 

Linen 



32 ALBUMAZAR. 

Linen, and all the reft, I gave to Trincalo, 
And for more fafety, lock'd them in the lobby. 
He'il keep them carefully. But as you love your 

miftreis, 

Difturb him not this half hour, left you'll have him 
Like to a centaur, half clown, half gentleman ; 
Suffer 1 his foot and hand that's yet: untouch'd, 
To be innobled like his other members. 

PAN. Albumazar, I pray you pardon me, 
"Th* unlook'd-for barenefs of the room amaz'd me. 

ALB, Flow ! think you me fp negligent to commit 
So rich a mafs of trealure to th' open danger 
Of a large cafement, and fufpicious alley ? 
xNo, Sir, my facrifke no fooner done, 
But I wrapp'd all up fafe, and gave it Trincalo 
I could be angry, but. that your fudden fear 
Excufes you. Fie, fuch a noife as this 
Half an hour paft, had fcar'd the intelligences, 
And fpoil'd the work , but no harm done, go walk 
Weftward, directly weftward, one half hour : 
Then turn back, and take your fervant turn'd to 1 

Antonio, 

And as you like my fkill, perform your promife, 
I mean the chain. 

PAN. Content, let's ftill go weftward* 
Weftward, good Cricca, ftill directly weftward. 

[Exit Pan. and Cric. 

Enter RONCA, HARPAX, FURBO. 

ALB. Furbo, Harpax, and Ronca, come out, all's 

clear. 

Why here's a noble prize worth vent'ring for. 
Is not this braver than fneak all night in danger, 
Picking of locks, or hooking cloths at windows ? 
Here's plate and gold, and cloth, and meat and wine, 
All rich, and eas'ly got. Furbo, flay hereabout, 
And wait till Trincalo come forth : then cail him 

With 



A L B tr M A Z A R. 33 

With a low reverence, Antonio, 

Give him this gold with thanks, tell him he lent if 

Before he went to Barbary. 

RON. How ! loie ten pieces ? . -. 

ALB. There's a neceffity in't^ devife forne-QOurfe 
To get't again ; if not, our gain's fufHcicnt, 
To bear that lofs. Ronca, find out Bevilona - 
The courtezan, let her feign herfelf a gentlewoman, 
Inamour'd of Antonio; bid her invite him 
To banquet with her, and by all means poffible 
Force him ftay there two hours; 

HAR. Why two hours ? 

ALB. That in that time thou may'ft convey 
Our treafure to the inn, and fpeak a boat 
Ready for Gravefend, and provide a fupper. 

FUR. And what will you do ? 

ALB. Firftin, and uftier out our changeling Trincalo. 

RON. Harpax, beftowthe plate-, Furbo, our beards, 
Black patches for our eyes, and other properties, 
And at the fame time and place meet all at fupper. 
Exit Fur. Har* and Ron. 

Enter TRINCALO; 

ALB. Stand forth, transformed Antonio, fully mue'd 
From brown foak feathers of dull yeomanry 
I o th* glorious bloom of gentry : plume yourfelf (leek ; 
Swear boldly y'are the man you reprefent 
To all that dare deny it. 

TRIN. I find my' thoughts 
Molt ftrangely akcr'd, but methinks my face 
Feels ftill like Trincalo. 

ALB. You imagine fo. 

Senfes are oft deceiv'd. As ah attentive angler 
Fixing his fteady eyes on the fwift ftreams 
Of a fteep tumbling torrent, no fooner turns 
His fight to land, but giddy, thinks the firm banks 
# And. 



34 ALBUM AZAR. 

And conftant .trees, move like the running waters : 
So you that thirty years have liv'd in Trincalo, 
Chang'd fuddenly, think y' are fo ftill j but inftantlf 
Thefe thoughts will vanim. 

TRIM. Give me a looking-glafs 
To read your fidll in thefe new lineaments. 

ALB. I'd rather give you poifcn , ior a glafs 
By fecret power of crofs reflections, 
And optic virtue, fpoils the wond'rous work 
Of transformation, and in a moment turns yon, 
Spight of my (kill, to Trincalo as before. 
We read that Apuleius was by a rofe 
Chang'd from an afs to man : fo by a mirror, 
You'll lofe this noble luftre, and turn afs. 
But ftill remember, I pray you, Sir, remember 
T' avoJd the devil, and a look ing-gl afs. 
Let me conduit and ufher you to the world ; 
This way, great Sir. I pray you, Sir, remember, 

Exeunt. 

SCENE the STREET, 
Enter ALBUMAZAR and TRINCALO-. 

ALB. New-born Anronio, I humbly take my leave, 
And klfs your hands. 

TRINV Divine Albumazar, I kifs yours. (Exit Alb. 
Now I am grown a gentleman, and a fine one, 
I know 't by th' killing of my hands fo courtly : 
My courteous knees bend in.fo true diftance, 
As if my foot walk'd in a frame on purpofe, 
Thus I accoft you ; or thus, fweet Sir, your fervant : 
Nay more, your fervant's fervant : that's your grand 

fervant. 

I could defcend from the top of Paul's to th' bottom, 
And on each ftep ftrew parting compliments, 
Strive for a door, while a good carpenter 
Might make a new one. I am your Oiadow, Sir, 

And 



ALBUMAZAR. 35 

And bound to wait upon you ; i'faith I will not : 
pray, Sir, fie, Sir, dear Sir 

brave Albumazar ! 

Enter FURBO, 

FURB. Juft yEfop's crow, prink'd up in borrow'd 

feathers. 
TRIM. My veins are fili'd with newnefs : Q for a 

furgeon 

To ope this arm, and view my gentle blood, 
To try if 't run two thoufand pounds a year. 

1 feel my underftandinp; is enlarg'd 

With the rare knowledge of this latter age. 

A facred fury overfways me. Prime 

Deal quickly, play, difcard, I fet ten (hillings and 

fixpence. 

You fee 't ? my reft, five and a fifty. Boy, more cards, 
And as thou go'ft, lay out fome roaring oaths 
For me ; I'll pay thee again with intereft- 

brave Albumazar ! 

FURB. How his imagination boils, and works i# 

all things 
He ever faw.or heard ! 

TRIM. Sir, my grey Barbary 

'Gainft your dun cow, three train fcents and th' courfe, 
For fifty pound j as I am a gentleman. 
I'll meet next cocking, and bring' a haggard with me 
That|ftoops]as free as lightning,jilrikes like thunder 

1 lie ? my reputation you fhall hear on't. 
O brave Albumazar ! 

FURB. He'll grow ftark mad, I fear me. 

TRIN. Now I know 

J am perfectly transform'd, my mind incites me 
To challenge fome brave fellow for my credit, 
And for more fafety, get lome friend in private 
To take the bufmefs up in peace and quiet. 

F 2 FURB. 



36 ALBUMAZAR, 

FURB. Signior Antonio ! 

TRIM. There's not a crumb of Trincalo 
In all this frame, but the love of Armellina. 

FURB. Signior Antonio ! welcometen thoufand times,;- 
Bleft be the heavens and feas for your return. 

TRIM. I thank you, Sir, Antonio is your fcrvant, 
I am glad to fee you well. Fie ! I kits your hands, 
and thus accoft you. 

FURB. This three months all your kindred, friends, 

and children. 
Mourn'd for your death. 

TRIN. And fo they well might do, 
For five days I was under water ; and at length 
Got up and fpread myfelf upon a cheit, 
Rowing with arms, and fleering with my feet , 
And thus in five days more got land : believe it, 
I made a moft incredible efcape, 
And fafe return from Barb'ry : at your fervice. 

FURB. Welcome ten thoufand times from Barbary, 
No friend more glad to fee Antonio 
.Than I : Nor am I thus for hope of gain ; 
But that I find occafion to be grateful 
By your return. Do you remember, Sir, 
Before you went, as I was once arrefted, 
And could not put in bail, you palling by, 
Lent me ten pound, and io dilcharg'd the debt ? 

TRIN. Yes, yes, as well as 'twere but yefterday. 

FURB. Oft have I waited at your houie with money, 
And many thanks -, but you were ftill beyond feas : 
Now am I happy of this fair occ alien 
To teftify my hneft caretofpay you ; 
For you may need it. 

TRIN. Sir, I do indeed, 
\Vitnefs my treafure caft away by fhip wreck. 

f URU. Here, Sir. 

TRIN, 



A L B U M A Z A R. 37 

TRIN. Is the gold good ? has it weight ? 
For mine was fo I lent you. 

FURB. It was, and fo is this. Signior Antonio, for 

this courtefy, 
Call me your fervant. [Exit Furlo. 

TRIN. Farewell, good fervant, ha, ha ha, ha, ha. I 
know not ib much as his name ! ten pounds ? this change 
is better than my birth -, for in all the years of my 
yeomanry, I could never yoak two crowns, and now 
I have hoarded ten fair twenty frilling pieces. New 
will I go to this aftrologer, and hire him to turn my 
cart to a coach, my four jades to two Flander's mares, 
my miftrefs Armellina to a lady, my plow-boy Dick 
to two guarded footmen : then will I hurry myielf into 
the mercer's books, wear rich cloaths, be called Tony 
t>y a great man, fell my lands, pay no debts, hate 
citizens, beat bailiffs, and when all fails, fneak out 
of Antonio with a two-penny looking-glafs, and turn 
as true Trincalo as ever. 

Enter HARPAX. 

HARP. Signior Antonio I I fawyou as you landed, 
And in great haile follow'd to congratulate 
Your fafe return, with thefe moft wifh'd embraces. 

TRIN. Who the devil's this. [afide. 

And I accept your joy with like afFc<5tion 
How do you call yourfelf ? 

HARP. Have you forgot 
Your dear friend Harpax, whom you love fo well ? 

TRIN. My life here's ten pound more ! 
O, I remember now my dear friend Harpax. 

HARP. Thanks to the fortune of thefea that fav'd you, 

TRIN. How do's your body, Harpax ? 

HARP. My dear Antonio, 
Neyer ib well as now I have the power 

Thus 



3 S A L B U M A Z A R. 

Thus ro embrace my friend, whom all th* Exchange 
Gavtdrown'dforthreewholemonths. MydearAntonio J 

TRIN. I thank you, Sir. 

HARP. Never in facer feaion could I find you. 
If you remember, Sir, before you went 
To Barbary, I .lent you ten pounds in gold. 

TRIN. I lent you ten pounds in gold. 

HARP. No, Sir, 'twas I km you ten pounds. 

TRIN. F. ith I remember no fuch thing. 
You muft excufe me, you never lent me money. 

HARP. Sir, as I live, ten twenty milling pieces. 

TRIN. Dangers at fea I find have hurt my memory. 

HARP. Why here's your own hand-writing, feal'd 

and fign'd 
In prcfcnce of your coufin Julia. 

TRIN. Tis true, 'tis true; but Ifuilain'd great lofles 
By reafon of the fhipwreck. Here's five pieces, 
"Will that content you ? and to-morrow morning 
Come to my houfe and take the reft. 

HARP. Well, Sir, 

Tho' my neceflity would importune you 
For all, yet on your wormip's word, the reft 
I'll cail for in the morning. Farewel, Antonio. 

[Exit Ear. 

TRIN. I fee we gentlemen can fometimes borrow 
As well as lend, and are as loth to pay 
As meaner men. I'll home, left other creditors 
Call for the reft. (going.) 

Enter BEVILONA end "Rone A, from the Hcufe. 

BEV. Ronca, no more, unlefs thy words were charms' 
Ct power to revive him : Antonio's dead. 
He's dead, and in his death hath buried 
All my delights begone [Exit Ron. 

O ftranse ! he's here. [ feeing Trincalo. 

Signior Antonio \ my heart's fwcet content ! 
My life r^nd better portion of my foul ! 

Are 



ALBUMAZAR. 39 

Arc you return'd and fafe ? for whofe fad death 
I fpent fuch ftreams of tears, and gufts of lighs. 
Or is't my love, that to my longing fancy 
Frames your defired fliape, and mocks my lenfes? 

TRIN. Whomdoyou talk withal, fair gentlewoman? 

BEV. "With my belt friend, commander of my life, 
My moft bdov'd Antonio. 

TRIN. With me ? 
What's your delire with me, fweet lady ? 

BEV. Sir, to command me, as you have done ever, 
To what you plcafe : for all my liberty 
Lies in your fervice. 

TRIN. Now I fmeU the bufinefs. 
This is fome gentlewoman enamour'd 
With him whofe fhape I bear. Fie ! what an afs 
Was I to itrange myfelf, and lofe the occafion 
Of a good banquet, and her company ? 
I'll mend it as I can. Madam, I did but jeft, 
To try if abfence caus'd you to forget 
A friend that lov'd you ever. 

BEV. Forget Antonio, 

Whofe dear remembrance doth inform the foul 
Of your poor fervant Bevilona ! no, 
No, had you dy'd, it had not quench'd one fpark 
Of th' fweet affection which your love hath kindled 
In this warm bread. 

TRIN. Madam, the waves had drown'd me, 
But that your love held up my chin. 

BEV. Will't pleafe you 
Enter and reft yourfelf, refreih the wearincfs 
Of your hard travel , I have good wine and fruits, 
My hufband's out of town : you mall command 
My houfe, and all that's in't. 

TRIN. Why, are you married ? 

BEV. Have you forgot my huiband, an angry roarer? 

TRIN. O, I remember him : but if he come. 

Whence grows this fear? how come you "fo 
refpedfui? You' 



40 ALBUMAZAR. 

You were not wont be numb'd with fuch a coldnefs ! 
Go in, fwcet life, go in. 

TIUN. Sweet lady, pardon me, I'll follow you. 

Exit Rev. 

Happy Antonio in fo rare a miftrefs j 
And happier I, that in his place enjoy her! 
I fay ftiil there's no pleafure like transformation. 

Exit TRIN. 
Enter FUR BO. 

Now is the afs expecting of a banquet, 
Ready to court embrace, and kifs his miftrefs, 
But I'll foon ftarve him. (Exit. 

SCENE, a Chamber in BEVILONA'J Houfe. 
Enter TRINCALO and BEVILONA. 

BEV. Now tell me, dear Antonio, what has 
BefiiU'n thee fmce our laft fad parting ? 
Your cold addrefs and ftrange behaviour 
"When you faw me firfl, ftrike to my heart, 
And make me fear your Bevilona's forfaken 
And forgot is it not fo Antonio ? 

TRIN. Don't weep fo fairefl blofTom, I tell you 
Your love incited me to try your conft.mcy, 
And happy is th' event, then let us lofe no 
Time, but ftrait begin to tafte the banquet. 

(FuRBo without knocks.) 
What ho! ho) there! 

BEV. Who's that fo boldly knocks ? I am not within j 
Or bv.fy : why fo importunate ? who is't ? 

FUR. 'Tis I. 

BEV. Your name ? 

FUR. Thomas ap William, ap Morgan, ap Davy, 
ap Roger, &c. 

TRIN. Spir.ola's camp's broke loofe: a treop of 
foldiers ! Sir. 

BEV. O me ! my hufoand! O m? wretch! 'tis my 
hufband ! TRIN. 



A L B U M A Z A R. 4 t 

TRIN. One man, and wear fo many names I 

BEV. O Sir. 

H'as more outrageous devils in his rage 
Than names. As yoii fefpeft your life, avoid him-. 
Down at that window. 

TRIN. 'Tis as high as Paul's* 
Open the garden door. 

BEV. He has the keys. 

Down at fome window, as you love your life^ 
My honour, and your fafety ; 'tis but a leap. 

TRIN. To break my neck. 

FURB. Bevilona ! 

Down, or I'll break the doors, and with the fplinters 
Beat all thy bones to pieces : down, you whore ! 

BEV. Be patient but a little ; I come inftantly. 

TRIN. Ha* you no trunk or chefl to hide me ? 

BEV. None, Sir. 
Alas I am clean undone, it is my hulband. 

FURB. Doubtlefs this whore hath fome of her com- 
panions 

That wrong me thus. But if I catch the villain, 
I'll bathe my hungry fword, and fharp revenge, 
In his heart's-blood. Come down. 

BEV. I cannot, ftay. 
There ftands a water cafk under the flairs 
With head to Ope and fhut at pleafure ; in, 
In, as you love your life. 

TRIN. But hear you, madam j 
Is there no looking-glafs within't ? for I hate glafTe* 
As naturally as fome do cats, or cheefe, 

BEV. In, in, there's none* 

Enter FUR BO* 

FURB. How now ! where have you ftow'd the clown ? 
BEV. He is tunn'd up in the empty water- cafk 
Under the flairs, 

G FURB, 



42 ALBUMAZAR. 

FURB. Empty! better and better ! 'twas half full 
This morning. 

Second me handfomely we'll entertain him 
An hour or two, and laugh and get his cloaths 
To make our fport up. 

TRIN. (within) Oh I drown, I drown ! 

FURB. Whence comes this hollow found? I drown, 
I drown ! 

My life 'tis Trincalo, for I have heard that coxcomb,, 
That afs, that clown, Peeks to corrupt my wife, 
Sending his fruit and dainties from the country. 

that 'twere he ! How would I ufe the villain ! 
Firft crop his ears, then flit his noie and fit him 

As a preient to the great Turk to keep his concubines. 
"Who's within here ? [Trincalo knocks in the tub. 

BEV. One that you dare not touch 

FURB. One that I dare not ? ['Trincalo ccmes out. 

Out, villain, out Signior Antonio ! 

Had it been any but yourfelf, he died. 
But as you fav'd my life before you went, 
So now command mine in your ferrices. 

1 would have fworn y'had been drown'd in Barbary. 

TRIN. 'Twas a hard pafTage : but not fo dangerous 
As was this veffcl. Pray you conceive no ill, 
I meant no harm, but call'd of your wife to know 
How my fon I.elio did, and daughter Flavia. 

FURB. Sir, I believe you. 

TRIN. But I muft tell you one thing. 
You muft not be fo jealous, on my honour 
She's very honeft. 

FURB. For you I make no queftion. 
But there's a rogue oall'd' Trincalo, whom if I catch, 
I'll teach him. 

TRIN. Who, you mean Pandolfo's farmer ? 
Alas, poor fool, he's a ftark afs, but harmlefs. 
And tho' me talk with him, 'tis but to laugh, 

As 



ALBUMAZAR. 43 

As all the world do's at him : Come, be friends 
At my entreaty. 

FURB. Sir, for your fake. 

BEV I thank you. 

TRW. Let's have a fire ; and while I dry myfelf, 
Provide good wine and meat. I'll dine with you. 
I muft not home thus wet. I am fomething bold witk 
you. 

FURB. My houfe and felf are at your fervicc. 

TRIN. Lead in. 

Alas, poor Trincalo ! had'ft thou been taken, 
Thou had'ft been tunn'd for Turkey. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, fair fall Antonio's lhape. 
What a notorious wittall's this ! ha, ha, ha. 

Exeunt. 



ACT IV. 

SCENE I. A STREET. 
Enter ANTONIO. 

HUS by great favour of propitious (tars, 

From fearful ftorms, fhipvrecks, and raging billows* 

Mercilefs jaws of death ! am I return'd 

To th' fate and quiet bofom of my country. 

The memory of thefe misfortunes pafs'd, 

Seafons the welcome, and augments the pleafurc 

I flia'll receive of my fon Lelio, 

And daughter Flavia. So doth alloy 

Make gold, that elfe were ufelefs, ferviceable; 

So the rugged forehead of a threat'ning mountain 

Threatens the> fmoothnefs of a fmiling valley. 

G 2 Enter 



44 A L B U M A Z A R. 

Enter ARMELLINA. (Speaking to afervant, 

ARM. Do you get ready what I have told you, 
And I will bring the other matters back with me. 

(turns and J ccs Ant wit; 
"What do I fee ! is not this Trincaio, 
Transform'd t' Antonio ? 'tis ! and ib perfectly, 
That did the right Antonio now confront him, 
I'd fwear they both were true, or both were falfe. 

ANT. Armellina ! well met; how fares the girl? 
And how fares my fon and daughter Flavia ? 

ARM. How fares the girl, and how my fon and 

daughter ? 

Mary ! come up^we are much improv'd 
Manners, they lay, are often chang'd with deaths. 

(afidc. 

ANT. Why don't you fpeal^, my girl ? 

ARM. Ha ! ha! ha ! what impudence ! (ajidc.. 

ANT. She's overjoy 'd to fee me ! 
And how fares it with my old friend Pandolfo ? 

ARM. His old friend Pandolfo ! ha ! ha ! ha ! 
I can fcarce refrain from beating him blefs me ! 
Your means are much encreas'd lure, that you dare 
To itile ib familiarly your mailer's friend. 

ANT. What fay'ft thou ? 

ARM. Don't tbctt me, poor ignorant clown ! 

ANT. What do'ft thou lay ? furely my ears deceiv'd 

ARM. O! I muft counterfeit too I will do't. [me. 
I am rejoic'd your worfhip's fafe return'd 
From your late drowning : th'Exchange hath giv'n 
you loft, tftiflwg a laugh* 

And all your friends wore mourning three months pait j 
I'm fure, for my part, I 'moil broke my heart. 

ANT. Thou art a kind good girl. 

ARM Did jou ever hear the like ? 

ANT. The danger of the ihipwreck I efcap'd, 



ALB.UMAZAR. 45 

So defperate was, that I may truly fay, 
I am new born, not fav'd. . 

ARM. Ha! ha! ha! thro' what a grace, 
And goodly countenance the rafcal fpeaks ! 
What a grave portance ! could Antonio 
Jiimfelf out-do him ? O you notorious villain ! 
Who would have thought thou could'fl have thus dif- 
fembled? 

ANT. How now ! a fervant thus familiar ? begon* 1 , 
Ufe your companions fo : more reverence 
Becomes you better. 

ARM. As tho* I underflood not 
The end of all this plot, and goodly bufmefs. 
Come, I know all. See ' this untill'd clod of earth 
Conceits his mind transformed as well as body. 
He wrings and bites his lips for fear of laughinr. 
Ha! ha! ha! 

ANT. Why laugh you, woman ? 

ARM. To fee thee chang'd, thou no man, 
So ftrangely, that I cannot fpy an inch 
Of thy old clownifh carcafe : Ha ! ha ! 

ANT. Laughter proceeds 
From abfurd actions and weak minds. 

ARM. Ha! ha! ha! 
Sententious blockhead ! what mall I do with him ? 

ANT. And y'are ill advis'd 
To jeft inftead of pity. Alas! my miferies, 
Dangers of death, flavery of cruel moors, 
And tedious journeys, might have eafily alter'd 
A ftronger body, much more this decay'd veflel, 
Out-worn with age, and broken by misfortues. 

ARM. Le..ve your fet fpeeches. Go to Anton V" 

houfe, 

Effbcl: your bufmefs, for I know it all ; 
Cricca has told me and upon my credit, 
Thou'rt fa well turn'd, they dare not but accept thcc-. 



46 ALBUMAZAR. 

ANT. Where fhould I hope for welcome, if not there, 
From my own houfe, children, and family. 

ARM. His children, and his family ! the booby \[afidc. 
Is't pofllble this coxcomb fiiould conceive 
His mind transformed? how gravely he continues 
The countenance he began ? ha ! ha ! ha ! why blockhead, 
Thirik'ft thou to deceive me too ? #hy, Trincalo ? 

ANT. I underftand you not hands off. 

ARM. Art thou not Trincalo, 
Pandolfo's man ? 

ANT. I not fo much as know him. 1 

ARM. Dar'ft thou deny it to me ? 

ANT. I dare and muft, 
To all the world, long as Antonio lives. [kin, 

ARM. You arrant afs ! have I not known thee, bum* 
Serve thy matter in his farm for feveral years ? 
Haft thou not dar'd to make thy filly love 
To me ? and have I not fcorn'd thee, Trincalo ? 
Taken thy prefents ? True but with the bafket, 
Have thrown away the giver. (gofag 

ANT. Stay, Armillina. 
By all the oaths that bind men's confciences 
To truth, I am Antonio, and no other. 

ARM. I will not hear thee, lying knave and never, 

never, dare to come near me if thou doft, 
Tho' you fo lately have efcap'd from drowning, 

1 fhall ibufe your gentility again, 

Enter CRICCA. 

ARM. Cricca, there is the transform'd Trincalo- 
And is fo chang'd he does not know himfelf. 
I'll return home to bar his entrance there. (Exit. 

CRIC. (looking round him) I fcare can credit my 

own eyes ftrange art ! 
Wonderful art of great Albumazar ! 
Two fheep are not more like than he and Antonio. 
How happy am I to efcape his clutches ! 

ART. 



A L B U M A Z A R. 47 

ANT. Cricca, good day, I joy to fee thee ! 

CRIC. 'Tis the devil from top to bottom yes 
*Tis the devil ! but he has hid his hoofs. (afide. 
Your fervant, Sir Trine Antonio I mean. 

ANT. What is the meaning of all this ? all joining 
To abufe, and to diftrcfs me ? Sirrah ! Cricca ! 
Where is your matter, my old friend, Pandolfo ? 
He would not ufe me thus. 

CRIC. His impudence out-goes his transformation: 
You raical, Trincalo ! if you once more 
Dare to atrempt deceiving me take notice, 
Tho' the devil is your friend I'll get a flail 
And thrafh out Trincalo from Antonio. 
Don't trot from me in your Barbary trappings ; 
I am in the fecret : and will you ftill 
P erfift t' impoie on me ? ay, you may grin 
And grind your teeth another look I'll drive 'em 
Down your throat you poor infolent bull-calf. 

Enter PANDOLFO. 

PAN. What means this noife ? O Cricca ! what's 
the matter ? 

CRIC. Sir, here's your farmer Trincalo, transform'd 
So juft as he was melted, and new caft 
In the mould of old Antonio. 

PAN. Th' right eye's no liker to the left, than he 
To my good neighbour. Divine Albumazar ! 
How I admire thy fkill ! Juft fo he look'd, 
And thus he walk'd : this is his face, his hair, 
His eyes, and countenance. If his voice be like, 
Then is th' aftrologer a wonder-worker. 

ANT. Signior Pandolfo, I thank the heavens as much, 
To find you well, as for my own return. 
How does your daughter, and my love, Sulpitia ? 

PAN. Well, well, Sir. 

CRIC. This is a good begining: 
TJow naturally the rogue difTembles it ! 



4 A L B U M A Z A R. 

V/ith what a gentle garb, and civil grace, 
Hefpeaks and looks ! How cunningly Albumazar 
Hath for our purpofe fuited him in Barbary clothes ! 

I'll try him further : Sir, 

We hear'd you were drown'd ? pray you, how 'fcap'd 
you fhipw reck ? 

ANT. No fooner was I fhip'd for Barbary, 
But fair wind follow'd, and fair weather led us : 
Whenenter'd in the ftreights of Gibraltar, 
The heavens, and feas, and earth confpir'd againft us ; 
The tempeft tore our helm, and rent our tackles, 
Broke the main-maft, while all the fea about us 
.Stood up in watry mountains to overwhelm us : 
And {truck's againft a rock, fplitting the vefiH 
T ' a thoufand fplinters. I, with two mariners; 
5> warn to the coaft, where, by the barb'rous Moors, 
We were furpris'd, fetter'd and fold for-flaves. 

CRIC. This tale th' aftrologer pen'd, and he hath 
conn'd it. 

ANT. But by a gentleman of Italy, 
Vvhom 1 had known before 

PAN. No more , this tafte 

Proves thou canft play the reft. For this fair ftory, 
My hand, I make thy ten pounds twenty marks, 
Thou look'ft nnd fpeak'ft fo like Antonio. 

ANT. W hom mould I look aad fpeak like, but myfelf ? 

CRIC. Good, ftill ! 

PAN. But now, my honeft Trincalo, 
Tell me where's all the plate, the gold, and jewels, 
That the aftrologer, when he had transform'd thee, 
Committed to thy charge ? are they fate lock'd ? 

ANT. I underftand you not. 

PAN. The jewels, man; 

The plate and gold th s aftrologer, that chang'd thee, 
Bade you lay up. 

ANT. "What plate ? what gold ? 
What jewels ? what transformation? what aftrologer ? 

CRIC, 



ALBUMAZAR. 49 

CIRC. LeaveofF Antonio now,andfpeaklikeTrincalo. 

ANT. LeaveofF your jefting. It neither fuits your 

place 

Nor age^ Pandolfo, to feoff your antient friend. 
I know not what you mean by gold and jewels, 
Nor by the aftrologer, nor Trincalo. 

CRIC. Better and better ftill. Believe me, Sir, 
He thinks himfelf Antonio, and ever ihall be, 
And fo poiTefs your plate. Art thou not Trincalo, 
My mafter's farmer ? 

ANT. I am Antonio, 
Your mailer's friend. If he teach you no more manners - 

PAN. Three thoufand pounds muft not be loft fo 

flightly. 

Come, Sir, we'll draw you to the aftrologer, 
And turn you to your ragged bark of yeomanry. 

ANT. To me thefe terms ? 

PAN. Come, I'll not lofe my plate. 

CRIC. Stay, Sir, and take my counfel. Let him ftill 
Firmly conceit himfelf the man he feems : 
Thus he, himfelf deceiv'd. will far more earneftly 
Effect your bufmefs, and deceive the reft. 
There's a main difference, 'twixt a felf-bred action 
And a forc'd carriage. Suffer him then to enter 
Antonio's houfe, and wait th' event : for him, 
He can't efcape : what you intend to do, 
Do't when he'as ferv'd your turn. I fee the maid j 
Let's hence, left they fufpect our confutations. 

PAN. Thy counsel's good : away. 

CRIC. Look, Trincalo, 
Yonder's your beauteous miftrefs, Armellina, 
And daughter Flavia. Courage, I warrant thee. 

[Exit Pan. and Cric. 

ANT. Bleft be the heav'ns that rid meof this trouble; 
For with their farmer and aftrologer, 
Plate and gold, they've almoft madded me. 
Now to my houfe, where I fhall find comfort. [Exit. 
H SCENE 



5 o ALBUMAZAR. 

SCENE before ANTONIO'J Houfe. 
ARMELLINA and FLAVIA at the Window. 

ARM. Miftrefs ! Flavia ! pray come here, 
I befeech you quick, quick good madam. 

FLAV. (at the Window.) What is the matter wench ? 

ARM. Look here, there's Trincalo, Pandolfo's 

farmer, 

My foolifh fweetheart, wrapt in your father's fhape ; 
Let us abufe him. 

FLAV. I can't, I am tongue ty'd ; this ftrange ap- 
pearance, 

Tho* I know his art, brings to my mem'ry 
My dear lov'd father ; I can fcarce bear 
To look upon him. Is the door faft ? 

ARM. Yes ? as a ufurer's purfe. 

ANT. Thcfe are my gates, and that's the cabinet 
That keeps my jewels, Lelio and his filler. 

[Ant. Knocks. 

ARM. Who is he that knocks fo boldly ? 

FLAV. What want you, Sir ? 

ANT. O my fair daughter, Flavia ! let all the flars 
Pour down full bkflings on thee. Ope' the doors. 

ARM. Mark! his fair daughter Flavia, ha, ha, ha :; 
Moft fhamelefs villain, how he counterfeits ! 

ANT. Know'ft not thy father, old Antonio ? 
Is all the world grown frantick"? 

FLA. What Antonio ? 

ANT. Thy loving father, Flavia. 

FLA. My father ! would he were here ! 

ARM. Would thouwert in his place. 

ANT. Open the door, fweet .Flavia. 

FLA. Sir, I am afraid , 
Horror inclofes me, my mind's diffracted ! 

ARM. I fweat to hear a dead man fpeak, fogh I get 
you gone. 

ANT. 



ALBUMAZAR. 51 

ANT. Daughter you are abus'd ; come down, and 

know me ; 
Let me come in. 

ARM. Soft, foft, Sir, y'are too hafty. 

ANT. Quickly, or elfc 

ARM. Good words, good words, I pray, 
In firangers houfes : were the doors your own, 
You might be bolder. 

ANT. I'll beat the doors and windows 
About your ears. 

ARM. Are you fo hot. ? We'll cool you. 

ANT. Imprudent creature! 

ARM. Out, carter : 
Hence, dirty whipftock ; hence, you fowl clown. 

Begone. 

Or I will drive you hence -bring me a gun here 
Or a tub of water once more to drown him. 

Enter L E L i o. 

LEL. Arrnellina, whom do you draw your tongue 
upon fo iharply ? 

ARM. Sir, 'tis your father's ghoft, that ftrives by 

force 
To break the doors, and enter. 

LEL. 'Tis his grave look ! 
In every lineament himfelf no liker. 
And had I not hap'ly been advertifed, 
What could have forc'd me think 'twere Trincalo ? 

ANT. Thefe ghofts, thefeTrincalos, and aftrologers, 
Strike me befide myfelf. Who will receive me, 
When mine own fon refufeth ? Oh Antonio ! 

LEL. Infinite power of art! who would believe 
The planets influence could transform a man 
To ieveral fhapes ? I could now beat him foundly , 
But that he wears the awful countenance - 
Of my dead father, whofe memory I reverence. 

H z AKT. 



52 ALBUMAZAR. 

ANT. If I be chang'd beyond thy knowledge, fop, 
Confider that th' excefs of heat in Barbary, 
The fear of fhipwrcck, and long tedious journeys, 
Have chang'd my fkin, and fhrunk my eyes and cheeks ; 
Yet ilill this face, tho' alter'd, may be known: 
This fear bears witnefs, 'twas the wound thou cur'clfl 
With thine own hands. ' 

LEL. He that chang'd Trincalo 
T' Antonio's figure, pmitted not the fear, 
As a main character. 

ANT. I have no other marks, 
Or reafons to perfuade them : methinks thefe words, 
/ am tty father, were argument fufficient 
To bend thy knees, and creep to my embracements. 

LEL. A fudden coldnefs ftrikes me : my tender heart 
Beats with compaflion of I know not what. 
Sirrah, be gone ; trufs up your goodly fpeeches, 
Sad fhipwrecks, and ftrange transformations. 
Your plot's difcover'd, 'twill not take : thy impudence 
For once, I pardon. The pious reverence 
I owe to th' grave refemblance of my father, 
Holds back my angry hands. Hence, if I catch you 
Haunting my doors again, I'll baflinado you 
Out of Antonio's fkin. Away. 

ANT. I go, Sir ; 

And yield to fuch crofs fortune as thus drives me. 

[Exeunt. 

\ Enter TRINCALO. 

1 TRIN. When this transformed fubftance of my 

carcafe 

-Did live imprifon'd in a wanton hogfhead, 
My name was don Antonio, and that title 
Preferv'd my life, and chang'd my fuit of clothes. 
How kindly the good gentlewoman us'd me ! 
'VVith what refpect, and careful tendernefs ! 

Your 



ALBUMAZAR. 



53 



" Your wormip, Sir, had ever a fickly confl : - 
tution, and I fear much more now, fince your long 
travel. As you love me, off with thcfe wet things, 
and put on the fuit you left with me before you went 
to Barbary. Good Sir, neglect not your health; for, 
upon my experience there is nothing worfe for the 
rheum than to be drench'd in a mufly hogfhead." 

Pretty foul ! Now to the bufinefs : I'll into my 
own houfe, and firft beflow Armellina upon.Trin- 
calo ; then try what can be done for Pandolfo : for 
'tis a rule I was wont to obfcrve, firft do your own 
affairs, and next your mafter's. 

Enter ANTONIO. 

ANT. Wretched Antonio I haft been preferv'd fo 

ftrangely 

From foreign miferies, to be wrong'd at home ? 
Barr'd from thy houfe by the fcorn of thine own 

children ! [TRIN. knocks. 

ANT. Butftay, thert's one knocks boldly-, 't may 

be fome friend. [TRIN. Knocks again. 

ANT. Dwell you here, gentleman ? 
TRIN. He calls me gentleman: 
See th' virtue of good cloaths ! All men falute, 
Honour, refpect, and reverence us. 

ANT. Good gentleman, 
Let me, without offence, intreat your name, 
And why you knock ? 

TRIN. How, firrah, fauce-box, my name ! 
Or thou fome ftranger art,"or groily ign'rant, 
That know'ft not me. Ha ! what art thou that alk'ft it ? 
ANT. Be not in choler, Sir. 
TRIN. Befits it me, 
A gentleman of publick reputation, 
To ftoop fo low as fatisfy the queftions 
Of bafc and earthly pieces like thyfelf ? what art 
thou ? ha ? 

ANT, 



54 ALBUMAZAR. 

ANT. Th' unfortunate pofleflbr of this houfe. 
TRIN. Thou lieft, bale fycophant, my worfhip 

owns it. 

ANT. May be my fon hath fold it in my abfence, 
Thinking me dead How long has't called you mailer? 
TRIN. 'Long as Antonio pofleft it. 
ANT. Which Antonio ? 
TIRN. Antonio Anaftafio. 
ANT. That Anaftafio, 
That was drown'd in Barbary ? 

TRIN. That Anaftafio, 

That felf fame man am I : I 'fcap'd by fwimming, 
And now return to keep my former promiie 
Of Flavia to Pandolfo ; and in exchange, 
To take Sulpitia to my wife. 

ANT. All this 

I intended 'fore I went : but Sir, if I 
Can be no other than my felf, and you 
Are that Antonio, you and I are one. 

TRIN. How ! one with thee ? fpeak fuch another 

fyllable, 

And by the terror of this deadly fteel, 
That ne'er faw light, but fent to endlefs darknefs 
All that durft (land before't, thou dieit. 

ANT. Alas! 

My weaknefs grown by age, and pains of travel, 
Difarms my courage to defend myfelf j 
I have no ftrength but patience. 

TRIN. What boldnefs madded thee tofteal my name? 
ANT. Sir, heat of wine. 
TRIM. And when y'are drunk, 
Is there no perfon to put on but mine, 
To cover your intended villanies ? 

ANT. Dangers at fea 

Are pleafures, weigh'd with thefe home injuries. 
V/as ever man thus fcar'd betide himfelf ? 

O 



A L B U M A Z A R. 5J 

O mofl unfortunate Antonio ! 

At fea thou fuffer'dit fhip wrack of thy goods, 

At land of thine own felf fly, fly to Barb'ry, 

And rather there endure the foreign cruelty 

Of fetters, whips, and Moors, than here at home 

Be wrong'd and baffled by thy friends and children. 

TRIM. How ! prating ftill ? why Timothy begone, 
Or draw, and lay Antonio down betwixt us ; 
Let fortune of the fight decide the queftion. 
Here's a brave rogue, that in the king's high-way 
Offers to rob me of my good name. Draw ! 

ANT. Thefe wrongs recall my ftrength, I am 

refolved : 
Better die once than fuffer always. Draw! 

TRIN. Stay, underftand'il thou well nice points 
of duel ? 

ANT. Yes, I'll to the point immediately. 

(Beats Trin.) 

TRIN. Hold ! hold J Murder ! murder ! 
Give me my life, and take Antonio. 

Enter LELIO, CRICCA, from theHoufe. 

LEL. What noife is this ? am I awake. 
See'ft thou not, Cricca, Trincalo and Antonio ? 

CRIC. O flrange! they're both here. 

LEL. Didft not thou inform me 
That Trincalo was turn'd to Antonio ? 
Which I believing, like a curfed fon, 
With mod reproachful threats, drove mine old father 
From his own doors : Pardon me, father. 

[Goes to his father and kneels. 
'Twas my blind ignorance, not want of duty, 
That wrong'd you : all was intended for that farmer, 
Whom an aftrologer, they faid, transform'd. 

ANT. How an aftrologer ? 

LEL. 



56 A L B U M A Z A R. 

LEL. What with your diftreflfes, injuries andfatigues, 
Your fpirits muft demand repofe : 
Within, Sir, I will tell you all, and hope 
Your pardon for each infult our abufed 
Minds have caft upon you. 

ANT. Where there is no ill intention fon, 
There can be little merit in forgivenefs. 

[Exit into the houfe. 

CRIC. 'Tis plain Albumazar 
Hath cheated my old mafter of his plate, 
For here's the farmer as like himfelf as ever, 
Only his cloaths excepted. Trincalo ! 

T.RIN. Cricca, where's Trincalo? do'ft fee him here? 

CRIC. Yes, arid as rank an afs as ever he was. 

TRIN. Thou'rt much deceiv'd, thou neither feeft 

nor knowft me. 
I am transform'd, transform'd ! 

CRIC. Note the ftrange power of ftrong imagination! 

TRIN. A world of engines cannot wreft my thoughts 
From being a gentleman : I am one, and will be ; 
And tho' I be not, yet will think myfelf fo ; 
And fcorn thee, Cricca, as a (lave and fervant. 

[Exit Trin. 

CRIC. 'Tis all loft labour to difluade his dulnefs. 
Now to work my brain ; what's more to be done ? 
Trincalo muft be catch'd kept clofe lock'd up, 
'Till I releafe him : wine does that. what next ? 
No whifper muft go forth, of the return 
Of this Antonio, and then mail our Pandolfo 
I have it now 'tis here and we mall fee 
If cunning can't out-wit aftrology : 
*Tis Cricca' s (kill, 'gainft great Albumazar's, 
Tho' back'd by all his devils and his ftars. 

[Exit, 



ACT 



A L B U M A Z A R. 57 

ACT V. 

SCENE, before ANTONIO'S Houfe. 
Enter LELIO and CRICCA, cut- cf the Houfe. 



CRIC. X I S the only way, Sir, humour but the 

bumpkin, 

And fortune cannot trick us ; Armellina's ready, 
So am I and here comes Trincalo. [Exii Cric. 

Enter TRINCALO. 

TRIN. This rafcal, Cricca, with his arguments 
Of malice, fo difturbs my gentle thoughts, 
That I half doubt I am not what I feem : 
But that will foon be clear'd ; if they receive me 
In at Antonio's houfe, I am Antonio. 

LEL. Signior Antonio, my moft lov'ng father ! 
Bleft be the day and hour of your return. 

TRIN. Son Lelio ! a blefling on my child ; I pray 

thee tell me, 
How fares my fervant Armellina ? well ? 

LEL. Have you forgot my fifter Flavia ? 

TRIN. What, rny dear daughter Flavia ? no, but firft 
Call Armellina : for this day we'll celebrate 
A gkek of marriages : Pandolfo and Flavia, 
Sulpitia and myfelf, and Trincalo 
With Armellina. Call her, good Lelio, quickly. 

LEL. I will, Sir. [Exit. 

TRIN. So : 'tis well that Lelio 
ConfefTeth me his father. Now I am perfect, 
Perfect Antonio. 

Enter ARMILLIKA. 
ARM. Signior Antonio ! 
My long expected mafter ! 

I TRIN. 



58 A L B U M A Z A R. 

TRIN. O Armellina ! 
Come, let me kifs thy brow like mine own daughter. 

ARM. 'Tis too great a favour alas! how feeble 
Yyou are grown with your long travel f 

TRIN. True, being drown'd, 
Nothing fo griev'd me, as to lofe thy company. 
But fince I am fafc return'd, for thy good lervice, 
I'll help thee to a hufband. 

ARM. A hufband, Sir ? 
Some young and handfome youth, orelfc I'll none. 

TRIN. To one that loves thee dearly, dearly wench j* 
A goodly man, like me in limbs andfafhion. 

ARM. Fie, an old man! how! caft myfelf away, 
And be no nurfe but his ? 

TRIN. He's not like me 
In years and gravity, but fair proportion , 
A handfome well fet man as I. 

ARM. His name ? 

TRIN. 'Tis Tom Trincalo of Totnarrr. 

ARM. Signior Pandolfo's handfome farmer ? 

TRIN. That's he. 

ARM. Moft unexpected happinefs F T tis the maa 
I more efteem than my own lite : fweet matter, 
Procure that match, and think me fatisfied 
For all my former fervice without wages : 
But ah, I fear you jeft. My poor unworthinefs 
Hopes not fo great a fortune as fweet Trincalo. 
No, wretched Armellina, in and defpair : 
Back to thy mournful drefler ; there lament 
Thyfelf to kitchen-ftuff, and burn to allies, 
For love of thy fweet farmer. 

TR.IN. Alas ! poor foul, 
How prettily me weeps for me ! Wilt fee him ? 

ARM. My foul waits in my eyes, and leaves my body 
Senfelefs. 

Then fwear to keep my counfel, 

ARM., 



AJLBUMAZAfc. 59 

ARM, I fwear 
By th' beauteous eyes of Trincalo. 

TRIN. Why, I am Trincalo. 

ARM. Your worfhip, Sir ! why do you flout your 

fervant, 
Right worlhipfui Antonio, my reverend mafter ? 

TRIN. Pox of Antonio, I am Ton) Trincalo. 
Why laugh'ft thou ? 

ARM. 'Tis defire and joy, 
To fee my fweeteft. 

TRIN. Look upon me and fee him. 

ARM. I fay I fee Antonio, and none other. 

TRIN. I am within, thy love : without, thy mafter. 
Th 3 aftrologer transform'd me for a day. 

ARM. Mock not your poor maid, pray you, Sir. 

TRIN. I do not. 

Now would I break this head againfl the ftones, 
To be unchang'd , fie on this gentry, it fticks 
Like bird-lime. Carry me to your chamber, 
And there we'll talk the matter over. 

A R M. O Sir, by no means : but with my lovely farmer 
Td ftay all night, and thank him. 

TRIN. Crofs misfortune ! 
Accurit Albumazar ! and mad Pandolfo ! 
To change me thus, that when I moft defire 
To be myfelf, I cannot. Armeilina, 
Fetch me a looking-glafs. 

ARM. To what end ? 

TRIN. Fetch one. 

Let my old matter's bufmefs fink or fwim, 
This fweet occafion muft not be neglected, 

wonderful ! [He looks in tht gkfs. 
Admir'd Albumazar in two tranfmutations ! 

Here's my -old farmer's face. How in an inftant 

1 am unchang'd that was fp long a changing ! 

O wonder ! here's my old black chin again !- 
Now, Armeilina, take thy lov'd Trincalo 

I 2 T* 



6o ALBUM AZAR. 

To thy defired embracements, ufe thy pleafur? 
Kifs thy fill. 

. ARM. Not here in public, 
T' enjoy too foon what pleafeth, is unpleafant: 
The world would envy then my happinefs. 
Go in, I'll follow you, and in my chamber 
We'll confummate the match in privacy.. 

FRIN. Was not the face I wore far worfe than this ? 
But for thy comfort, wench, Albumazar 
Hath dy'd my thoughts fo deep i'th' grain of gentry ^ 
'Tis not a glafs can rob me of my good fafliion, 
And gentlemanly garb. Come, my dear. [Ex. Trin. 
ARM. I'll follow you. So, now he's faft enough. 
Thus have I got me a hufband, and in good earneft 
Mean to marry him It is a tough clown, 
And rich enough for me, that have no portion 
But my pcor fervice. Well, he's fomething foolifh j 
The better can I domineer and rule him 
At pleafure. That's the mark and utmoft hight 
We women aim at. I am refolv'd , I'll have him. 

[Exit. 

SCENE, a CHAMBER. 

Enter LELIO, SUL P IT i A. 

SUL. Lelio! Lelio! 

LEL. O there's the voice that in one note contain? 
All chords of mufic : how gladly fhe'll imbrace 
The news I give her, and the meffenger ! 

SUL. Soft, foft, y'are much miftaken ; for in earneft, 
I am angry, Lelio ; and with you. 

LEL. Sweetefc, thofe flames 
Rile from the fire of love, and foon will quench 
1* th' welcome news I bring you. 

SUL. Stand ftill, I charge you 
By th' virtue of my lips ; fpeak not a fyllable, 
As you cxpecl: a kils mould clofe my anger. 
For I muit chide you. LEL. 






A L B U M A Z A R. 61 

LEL. O my Sttlpftia, 

Were every fpeech ycu utter charg'd with death, 
I'd ftand them all in hope of that condition. 

SUL Firft, Sir, I hear, you teach Eiigcnlo 
Too grave a warinefi in your filter's love, 
And kill his honed rbnvardncfs cf affection , 
With your far-fetch'd refpects, fulpicious fears : 
You have your may-bes ; this is dangerous : 

<Jhat ccurfe were letter : for if jo, andytt 

Who knows? tie t^cnt is dculiful\ be ad-vis* d-, 
"Tis a young refanefs.: your father is y cur father : 
'Take kifure to ccnjldtr Thus y'ave confider'd 
Poor Flavia almoft to her grave. Fie, Lelio, 
Had this my fmallneis undertook the bufinefs, 
And done ho mere in f ur fnort winters days 
Than you in four months , I'd have vowed my virginity 
To the living tomb of a (ad nunnery : 
Which indeed for your fake I loath. 

LEL. S\veet, by your favour. 

SUL. Peace, peace : don't fweet me, you're fo 

very wife 

And tip your fpeeches with your faws, and proverbs, 
That you feern to be layirig in your winter crop 
Before the fuuimer fruits are gather'd ; but indeed 
Sagacious Sir, I won't hang upon the tree 'till I wither, 
Or drop down with over mellownefs. 

LEL. Give me but leave. 

SUL. Have I a lip ? and you 
Made fcnnets cn't ? 'tis your fault, for otherwife 
Your filler and Eugenio had been fure 
Long time e'er this. 

LEL. But 

SUL. Stay, fcay Sir, your cue's not come yet. 
I hate as perfectly this grey youth of yours, 
As old Antonio's green dotage. Fy ! wife lovers 
Are moft abfurd. Were I not full refolved, 
J Ihculd begin to cool mine c\vn affection. 

For 



62 ALBUMAZAR, 

For fliame confider well your filler's temper. 
Her melancholly may much hurc her. Refpcft her, 
On fpight of mine own love, I'll make you ftay 
Six months before you marry me. But what is this 

fo happy 
News you have to tell me ? 

LEL. Let us hafle to Flavia and your brother, and 

there I 

Will unfold a fecret, which if rightly manag'd will 
Give us all we wifh : 

SUL. Let's away then. But 

Look to't, for if we be not married e'er next morning, 
By great love that is hid in this fmall compafs, 
Flavia and myfelf will fteal you both away, 
To your eternal fhame and foul difcredit. 
Away. [Exeunt* 

SCENE, a TAVERN. 
Enter ALBUMAZAR, Royco, FURBO, HARPAX. 

ALB, How? not a fingle (hare of this great prize; 
That have deferv'd the whole ? was't not my plot, 
And pains, and your meer inflruments and porters ? 
Shall I have nothing? 

RON. No, not a filver fpoon. 

PUR. Nor cover of a trencher fait. 

HAR. Nor table-napkin. 

ALB. Have we not kept an honeft truft, and faith. 
Long time amongit us ? break not the facred league, 
By raifing civil theft ; turn not your furt 
'Gainft your own bov/els Rob your careful maftcr! 
Are you not amam'd ? 

RON. No 'tis our profeflion, 
As yours ailrology. And in the days of old, 
Good morrow thief, as welcome was recei'tfd, 
As now your worftjip 'Tis your own inftruction. 
, FUR. The Spartans held it lawful, and tb* Arabians', 
So grew Arabia happy^ Sparta valiant. 

HAR. 



ALBUMAZAR. 63 

HAR. The world's a theatre of theft : great rivers 
Rob fmalkr brooks ; and them the ocean. 

ALB. Have not I wean'd you up from petty-larceny, 
Dangerous and poor ? and muft you to full ftrength 
Of lafe and gainful theft ? by rules of art 
And principles of cheating made you free 
From taking as you went invifible ? 
And do you thus requite me ; this the reward 
For all my watchful care ? 

RON. We are your fcholars, 
Made, by your help and our aptnefs,, able 
To inftruft others. 'Tis the trade we live by. 
You that are fervant to divine aftrology, 
Do fomething worth her livery. Caft figures, 
Make almanacks for all meridians. 

FUR. Sell prefpicils, and inftruments of hearing, 
Turn clowns to gentlemen ; buzzards to falcons ; 
Cur-dogs to grey-hounds , kitchen-maids to ladies. 

HAR. Difcover more new ftars, and unknown planets : 
Vent them by dozens, ftiie them by the names 
Of men that buy fuch ware. Take lawful courfes, 
Rather than beg. 

ALB. Not keep your honeft promife ? 

RON. Believe ncne^ credit none : for in this city 
No dwellers are^ but cheaters and cheaiees. 

ALB. You promis'd me the greateft (hare. 

RON. Our promife! 

If honeft men, by bonds and obligations 
And inftruments of law are hardly conftrain'd 
To obferve their word ; can we, that make pfofeflkm 
Of lawlefs courfes, do't ? 

ALB. Amongft ourfelves ! 
Falcons that tyrannize o'er weaker fowl, 
Hold peace with their own feathers. 

HAR. But when they counter 
Upon one quarry, break the league as we do. 

ALB. At leaft reftore the ten pound of gold I lent you. 

RON. 



64 ALBUMAZAR. 



RON. '2V<?5 lent in an ill fecond* worfe third, 
And hicUefs fci:, -ib : 'tis loir, Albmnazar. 
. FUR. Satan was in afcenlion, Ivleicury 
Was then combuft when you delivered it. 
'Twill never he rellor'd. 

RON . H al i . A b, j nezra, 
Hiarcha, Brachman, Budda, Babylonicus, 
And all the Chaldees and Cabalifb, 
Affirm that fad afpecft threats lols of debts. 

ALB. Was ever man thus baited by's own whelps? 
Give me a (lender portion for a ftock 
To begin trade a pain. . 

RON. 'Tis an ill courfe 

And full of tears.- 1 his treafure h'ath' inricht us, 
And giv'n in means to purchafe, antl live quiet, 
With th' f irt of dangers pail. Wnen I us'd robbing 
All blocks before me look'd like conftables, 
And pcib appeared, in ihape of gallowfes ; 
-Therefore, good tutor, take your pupils connfel : 
'Tis better beg than deal; live in poor clothes 
Than hang in iattin. 

ALB. Villains, I'll be reveng'd, 
And reveal all the bufmefs to a juflice. 

RON. Do, if then long'ft to fee thy own anatomy. 
ALB. This treachery perfwades me to turn honeft. 
, FUR- Search your nativity , fee if the fortunates 
And luminaries be a good afpecl:, 
And thank us for thy life. Had we done well, 
We had cut thy throat e'er this. 

ALB. Albumazar, 

Trull not thefe rogues ; hence and revenge. [Ex. sllb. 
RON. Away, away, here's company. Let's hence. [Ex. 

SCENE, a Chamber. 

Enter CRICCA. 

CRIC. Now Cricca, inafk thy countenance in joy, 
Speak 'welcome language of good news ; and move 

Thy 



A L B U M A Z A R. 65 

Thy mafter, whofe defires are credulous, 

To believe what tliou giv'ft him. If thy dcfijn 

Land at the haven 'tis bound for, then Lelio, 

Eugenic, and their rrrih'effes are oDiig'd 

By oath to a (Tare a ftate of forty pounds 

Upon thee for thy life. 

Enter PANDOLFO; 
PAN. I long to know 

How my good farmer fpeeds ; how Trincalo 
Hath been receiv'd by Lelio. 

CRIC. Where mall I End him ? find Pandolfo ! 
And bleis him with good news ! 

PAN. This hafte of Cricca 
Bodes fomc good : doubtlefs my Trincalo, 
Receiv'd for Antonio, hath given me Flavia. 
Cricca ! 

CRIC. Neither in Paul's, at home, nor in theExchange 
Nor where he ufes to converfe ! he's loft, 
And muft be cry'd. 

PAN. Turn hither, Cricca, Cricca 
Seeft me not ? 

CRIC. Sir, the news, and hafte to tell i% 
Had almoft blinded me 'Tis fo fortunate, 
I dare not pour it all at once upon you, 
Left -you mould faint, and fwoon away with joy : 
Your transform'd TrinCalo 

PAN. What news of him ? 

CRIC. Enter'd as owner in Antonio's houfc - 

PAN. On. 

CRIC. Is acknowledg'd by his daughter Flavia, 
And Lelio for their father. 

PAN. Quickly, good Cricca! 

CRIC. And hath fent me in hafte to bid you i 

PAN. What? 

CRIC. Come, with your fon Eugenic 

PAN. And then ? 

K CRIC; 



66 A L B U M A Z A R. 

CRIC. That he may be witnefs of your marriage. 
But, Sir, I fee no figns of fo large goodnefs 
As I expected, and this news deferv'd. 

PAN. 'Tis here, 'tis here, within. All outward 

fymptoms, 

And characters of joy, are poor exprefllons 
Of my inward happinels. My heart's full, 
And cannot vent the patrions. Run, Cricca, run, 
Run as thou lov'ft me, call Eugenio, 
And work him to my purpofe : thou can'ft do it : 
Hafte, call him inflantly. 

CRICI I fly, Sir. [Exit Cric. 

PAN. How mall I recompence this aftrologer, 
This great Albumazar ! through whole learned hands 
Fortune hath pour'd the effect of my heft willies, 
And crown'd my hopes. Give him this chain ! alas, 
'Tis a poor thanks, mort by a thoufand links 
Of his large merit. No, he muft live with me 
And my fweet Flavia, at his eafe and plealure, 
Wanting for nothing. And this very night 
I'll get a boy, and he erect a figure 
To calculate his fortunes. So there's Trincalo 
Antoniated, or Antonio Intrinculate. 
. 

Enter ANTONIO, LELIO. 

ANT. Signior Pandolfo ! welcome. 

LEL. Your fervant, Sir. 

PAN-. Well met, Antonio j my prayers and wifht* 
Have waited on you ever. 

ANT. Thanks, dearefl friend. 
To fpeak my danger paft, were to difcourfe 
Of dead men at a feaft. Such fad relations 
Become not marriages: Sir, I am here 
Return'd to do you fervice. Where's your fon ? 

PAN, He'll wait upon you prefently. 

Enter 



ALBUMAZAR, 67 

Enter EUGENIO. 

EUG. Signior Antonio ! 
Happily welcome. 

ANT. Thanks, Eugenio. 
How think you, gentlemen, were it amifs 
To call down Flavia and Sulpitia, 
That what we do, may with a full confenf 
Be eiuertain'd of all ? 

PAN. *Tis well remember' d 
Eugenio call your filter. 

ANT. Lelio, call my daughter. [Ex. Lei. and Eug, 

PAN. Wifely confider'd, Trincalo ; 'tis a fair pro- 
logue 

To the comedy enfuing, Now I confefs 
Albumazar had equal power to change . 
And mend thy underftanding with thy body ! 
Let me embrace and hug thee for this fervice : 
'Tis a brave oniet : ah, my iweet Trin calo ! 

ANT. How like you the beginning ? 

PAN. 'Tis o' th' further fide 
All- expectation. 

ANT. Was't not right, and fpoken 
Like old Antonio ? 

PAN- 'Tis moll admirable ! 

\Yer't he himfelf that fpoke, he could not better't. 
And, for thy fake, I wifh Antonio's fhape 
May ever be thy houfe, and's wit thy inmate : 
But where's my plate, and cloth of filver ? 

ANT. Safe. 

PAN. They come. Keep ftate, l^eep ftate, or ail' 
difcover'd. 

Enter EUGENIO, LELIO-, FLAVIA, SULPITIA. 

ANT. Eugenio, Flavia, Lelio, Sulpitia, 
Marriages once confirm'd, and confummate, 
Admit of no repentance. Therefore 'tis fitting 
All parries, with full freedom, fpeak their pleafure. 
Before it be too late. PAM 



68 A L B U M A Z A R r 

PAN. Good ! excellent ! 

ANT. Speak boldly therefore Do you willingly 
Give full authority, and what I decree 
Touching theft; bufmefies, you'll all perform? 

EUG. 1 refl as you difpofe : wnat you determine, 
With my bcft power I ratify ; and Sulpitia, 
I dare be bold to promife, fays no lefs. 

SUL. Whatever my father, brother, and yourfelf 
Shall think convenient, pleafeth me. 

LEL. In this, 

As in all other fervice, I commit myfelf 
To your commands , and fo, I hope, my filter. 

FLA. With all obedience : for difpofe of me 
As of a child, the- 1 judgeth nothing good, 
But what YOM mall approve. 

ANT. And you, Pandolfo ? 

PAN. I moil of all. And, for I know the minds 
Of youth are apt to promife, and as prone 
To repent after, 'tis my advice they fwear 
T' cblerve, without exception, your decree. 

FLA. Content. 

SUL. Content. 

PAN. By all the powers that hear 
Oaths,- and rain vengeance upon broken faith, 
I prom fc to confirm and ratify 
Your fentence. 

LEL. Sir, I fwear no lefs. 

EUG. Nor I. 

FLA. The felf-fame oath binds me. 

SUL. And me the fame. 

PAN. Now Antonio, all our expectation 
Hangs at your mouth. None of us can appeal 
From you to higher courts. 

ANT. Firft, for preparative 
Or flight praeludium to the greater matches, 
J muft intreat you that my Armcllina 

Be 



A L B U M A Z A R. 69 

Be match'd with Trincalo. Tv.o hundred crowns 
I give her for her portion. 

PAN. 'Tis done Some reliqnes 
Of his old clown'ry, find dregs o' th' country, 
Dwell in him {till. How careful he provides 
For himfelf firft ! concent. And more, I grant him 
A leafe for twenty pounds, a year. 

ANT. I thank you. 

Gentlemen, fince I feel mylelf much broken 
With age, and my late miferies, and roo cold 
To entertain new heat, I freely yield 
Sulpitia, whom I lov'd, to my Ion Lelio. 

PAN. How cunningly hath the farmer provided 
T* obkrve the 'femblance of Antonio's perfon, 
And keep himfeif fall free for Armellina ! 
On to the fcntence. 

AST. Sir, 

Conformity of years, likenefs of manners, 
Are Gordian knots that bind up matrimony. 
Now, between feventy winters and fix teen, 
There's no proportion, nor leaft hope of love. 
Fie ! that a gentleman of your difcretion, 
Crown'd with fuch reputation in your youth, 
Should, in your weftern days, lofe the good opinion 
Of all your iriencls , and run to th' open, danger 
Of clofing the weak -remnant of your days 
With difcontentment unrecoverable. 

PAN. Rack me no more j pray ycu, let's hear the 

fentence. 

Note how the afs would fright me, and endear 
His fervice ; intimating that his pov/'r 
May overthrow my hopes. Proceed to th' fentence. 

ANT. Thefe things confider'd, I btftow my daughter 
Upon your fon Eugenio, whofe cordhmt love, 
With his fo modeft carriage, hath deferv'd her. 
And, that you freeze not for a bed-icllow, 
I marry you, my good old friend with PATIENCE. 

PAN. Treacherous villain! 

Accurfed 



7* A L B U M A Z A R. 

Accurfed Trincalo! I'll : But this no place: 
He's too well back'd : But mortly, when the date 
Of his Antoniofhip's expir'd, revenge 
Shall fweeten this difgrace. 

ANT. Signior Pandolfo, 
When you recover yourfeif, loft defperately 
In difproportion'd dotage, then you'll thank me 
For this great favour. Be not obftinate : 
Difquiet not yourfeif. 

PAN. I thank you, Sir. 

And that yen freeze not for a bed-fellow^ 
I marry you with PATIENCE traiterous villain ! 
Is .it not enough to wrong me, and betray me, 
But J t muft be done with feoffs? Accurfed Trincalo! 
What's that I fee ? 

Enter TRINCALO (a little drunk.) 

TRIN . You fee old trufty Trincalo,your honeft farmer 
That will not part from himfeif hereafter 
To ferve either you or me. 

PAN. What have not you been transferred ? 

TRIN. No. but I have been gulled as you have been 
By t' ftrologer That's the right Antonio, 
And fafeiy too returnrd from Barbary. 

PAN. Oh me ! what's this ? 

ANT. Truth itfelf. 

TRIN. What a trouble it is to be out of a man's 
felf : If gentlemen have no pleafure but what I felt to- 
day, a team of horfes mall not drag me out of my pro- 
feffion. There's nothing among them but borrowing, 
compounding for half their debts, and have their purie 
cut for the reft, cozen'd by whores, frighted with huf- 
bands, wafh'd in wet hogmcads, cheated of their 
cloaths, and lock'd up in cellars for conclufion. 

AN.T, Poor Trincalo J he repents his gentility 

TRIN. Ay that I do from my foul ! 
And then fuch quarrelling ! never a fuit I wore 

To-day, 



A L B U M A Z A R. 71 

To-day, but hath been foundly balled ; only this 
Faithful country-cafe 'fcap'd rift free , and be it fpoken 
In a good hour, was never beaten yet, fmce 
It came from fulling. 

Enter CRICCA. 

CRIC. News, news, rare news ! where's my mailer? 
\V here's Signior Pandolfo ? 

PAN. Here Cricca, here ! no news can raife my fpirits. 

CRIC. I'll warrant you, the rogues who cheated you 

are taken : 

Albumazar betray'd, and we fccur'd 'em. 
They were th' aflrologers intelligencers, 
That robb'd you thro' the fouth window : All's fife, 
Gold, jewels, cloth of filver , nothing perifh'd. 
One moment's thought will make you biefsyour fortune 
That hath reftor'd you to yourfelf and'trcaiure, 
Both which were loft i'th' foolifh love of Flavia : 
Why ftand you mute, Sir ? 

ANT. Come, my old friend, 
Let your reflection now take place of p iflion, 
And let our actions iuit our years and ftation ; 
Let's leave to y ounger breafts the fweets of Love ; 
Be it our part to give confent and bleffing, 
And with our children's welfare fix our own. 

PAN. I clearlv fee the flavery of 
Affections, and how unfuitable my declining 
Years are for the dawning youth of Flavia : 
Let the blefljoys of Hymen compafs herancj 
Her youthful hufband, my Eugenio, with 
Full content, and may thy days, Sulpitia, 
Know no alloy of joy, in Lelio's arms ; 
My bleffing on you all. 

ANT. O happpy change ! good Pandolfo 
Thus let me mew a friend's, a brother's fondnefs. 

[Embracing. 

CRIC. Not to interrupt the prefentjoy, 
I beg to be an advocate for one without. 



72 A L B U M A Z A IL . 

I think a general act of grace fhould pafs ; 
Therefore as Albumazar of his own accord, 
Confefs'd, and freely has rcftor'd your treafure ; 
Since 'tis a day of jubilee and marriage, 
I beg a pardon for the prifoner. 

PAN. I grant it fteely, and now 
Let's haileV afiill the marriage and the feaft. 

CRIC. Why now you fhew yourfeif a worthy gen- 
tleman. 

TRIN. All parties here feem pleas'd except, my felf J 
Is there no news for Trincalo ? 

PAN. Trincalo thou too (halt feel my joy-, 
Two hundred crowns and Armillina Ihall 
Be thine, befides the leaie of twenty pounds 
A year for three lives. 

TRIN. Two' hundred crowns, and twenty pounds 
a year for three lives ? then I am a gentleman indeed ! 
and to make but one trouble and expcnce of it, I'll 
be married too this day, and let my young m afters 
take care I don't get the ftart of 'em. 

ANT. Now are all my toils and labours in life 
'Amply rewarded -, you and I brother are ftrong. 
Examples that cur pafiions and dift relies are to 
Be furmounted by realbn and perfeverance. 

In me bf hold the providential care, 
Rcftor'd to blifs from danger and defpair ; 
With patience arm'd, I ftruggled with diftrefs 
And"ref]gnaLon, purchas'd happinels. 



I N I . 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 

A 

COMEDY. 

ALTERED FROM THE ORIGINAL 

EASTWARD HOE, 

WRITTEN BY 
BEN JQNSON, CHAPMAN, AND MARSTON. 

BY MRS. LENNOX. 

AS IT IS PERFORMED AT THE 

Theatre - Royat y in Drury - Lane. 

LONDON: 

Printed for T. BECKET, the Corner of the Adelpbi, 
in the Strand. 1775. 

[PRICE ONE SHILLING.] 



ADVERTISEMENT. 



i 



TP is with great fatisfadion that 
Mrs. LENNOX, takes this opportunity to 
acknowledge her obligations to Mr. 
GARRICK, for recommending to her, 
the Alteration of Eaftward Hoe, and for 
his very friendly afliftance throughout this 
Comedy* 



PROLOGUE, 

Written by Mr. C O L M A N. 
Spoken by Mr. KING, 

J i\ T Charles the Second's gay and wanton days, 
When Lords had wit* and Gentlemen wrote plays, 
A rural .' 'Squire was term d a country put. 
And the grave City was the ftanding butt ! 
To town, like oxen, honeft Knights were led, 
To foew in droves huge antlers on their bead ; 
Gallants* in 'quejt of game, crfd Eaftwar j hoe F 
And oft fprung pufs within the found of Bow ', 
Wbik every 'prentice in the galleries chuckled, 
At London Alderman, duvb'd London Cuckold. 

But now the times are changed, and changed the jeft ; 
For horns^ feme fay^ fprout nobly in the Weft. 
The murrain 'mongft borrfd cattle fpreads fa far y 
It rages en each fide of Temple-bar. 
The modijh Alderman overleaps his ward* 
And the gay Cit plants horns upon my Lord', 
While beaux, whofe wives of flattery chew the cwd^ 
Are Dupes full blown, or Cuckolds in the bud. 

Artifts, who furnijh'd -pictures for the ft age + 
In good Queen Befs's memorable age, 
With a juft pencil, city portraits drew,. 
Mark'd ev'ry vice, and mark'd each virtue too. 

Artiftz, 



PROLOGUE. 

The city Madam's vanities difplafd, 

Prats' d honeft gains, but damn'd the tricks of trade 

Artijts, like the fe (eld Ben the chief !) to-night, 

Bring idlenefs, and induftry } to light -, 

<Iheir Jketch by time, perhaps, impaired too much, 

A female hand has ventured to retouch ; 

Hence too our Hcgarth drew, nor fcorrfd to glean t 

The comic ftubble of the moral fcene. 

Shewed to ivhat ends both good and evil fir etch, 

honour one., and t'other to Jack Ketch ; 

T'urrf d ridicule *gair>ft folly, fraud, and pride, 

And fought ivith Immciur's lance on virtue' s fide. 

Such be henceforth each comick artift's aim, 
Pcets or painters, be their drift the fame. 
Such are the leffons which to-night we read, 
And way next feffions prove that wefucceed! 



Dramatis 



Dramatis Perfbn. 



M E 



N. 



Touchftone, 

Sir Petronel Flafli, 

Quickfilver, 

Golding, 

Security, 

Counfellor Bramble, 

Fig, 

Captain Seagull, 

Scapethrift, 

Spendall, 

Wolf, 

Holdfaft, 

Conftable, 

Waterman, 

Drawer, 

Coachman, 

Footman, 

Servant to Sir Petronel, 



Mr. BADDELEY, 
Mr. PALMER, 
Mr. DODD, 
Mr. BRERETON, 
Mr. PARSONS, 
Mr. HURST, 
Mr. WHITFIELD, 
Mr. BANNISTER, 
Mr. FAWCETT, 
Mr. CUBITT, 
Mr, WRIGHTEN, 
Mr. GRIFFITH, 
Mr. CARPENTER, 
Mr. WRIGHT, 
Mr. GARLAND, 
Mr. BLANCHARD, 
Mr. EVERARD, 
Mr. NORRIS. 



WOMEN. 



Mrs. Touchftone, 

Gertrude, 

Mildred, 

Winifred, 

Syndefy. 

Betty, 



Mrs. JOHNSTON, 
Mrs. WRICHTEN, 
Mifs P. HOPKINS, 
Mrs. WHITFIELD, 
Mifs PLATT, 
Mrs. MILLIDGE. 






OLD 



OLD CITY MANNERS: 

A 

COMEDY. 

A C T I. S C E N E I. 

Enter Mr. TOUCHSTONE and QUICKSILVER, 
at fever al doors. QUICKSILVER with a 
laced bat, an embroidered waiftcoat, and a dag- 
ger and belt conceal' d under his great coat. 
At the middle door enter GOLD ING, dif cover- 
ing a goldJmitKs Jhop, and be walking Jhort 
turns before it. 

Touch/tone. 

VV ELL, whither are you going, now ? What 
loofe action are you bound for? Come, what. com- 
rades are you to meet ? Where's the fupper ? Where's 
the rendevous ? 

Quick. Indeed, and in very good fober truth j 
Sir 

'Touch. Indeed, and in very goed fcber truth, Sir ; 

when my back is turned, thou wilt iwear falter than 

a Swifs porter, and lalk more loofely than a midwife; 

but now it is, indeed, and in very good fober truth, Sir 

B But 



2 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

But fuppofe I fhould fearch you, what furniture 
Jhould I find you rigg'd with ? Hey ! Sirrah, Sirrah, 
I tell thee I am thy matter, William Touchftone, 
Goldfmith, and thou art my 'prentice, Francis 
Quickfilver, and I will know whither thou art run- 
ning. Work upon that now. 

<j)i(ick. Why, Sir, I hope a man may take his re- 
creation with his matter's profit. 

Touch. 'Prentices recreations are feldom with their 
matter's profit ; work upon that now ; and that I may 
" know what your's are likely to be, I will fee what 
you carry under your great coat. Hey-day ! what 
have we here ? tennis pumps and a racket You'll 
make a fine racket, indeed ! 
Quick. Work upon that now. 

Vouch. Thou fhamelefs varlet, doft thou make a 
jeft of thy lawful matter ? 

Quick. S'blood, Sir, my mother's a gentlewoman, 
and my father a juftice of peace and quorum ; and 
tho' I am a younger brother, and a 'prentice, yet I 
hope I am my father's fon; and, Sir, I can prove 
that it is for your worfhip, and for your advantage 
that I keep good company : I am familiar with men 
offattiion, of fpirit, true ; they call me coufin Frank, 
right; I lend them money, good; they fpend it, 
well : But when it is fpent mutt they not try to get 
more ? mutt not their land fly, and to whom ? Shall 
not your worfhip have the refufal of it ? Sir, if I 
was well underftood, I mould be call'd a laudable 
member of the city. How would traders thrive, if 
gentlemen were not unthrifty ; and how wou'd gen- 
tlemen be unthrifty, if their humours were not fed ? 
this I do, and 

Touch. Well, Sir, two hundred pounds art thou 
out in the cafh, but look to it, I will not be talk'd 
out of my money, nor do I wilh to rife by other 

men'* 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 3 

tpen's fall. Did I gain my wealth by haunting ta- 
verns ? by keeping men of ipirit company ? No. I 
hired a little mop, took fmall gains ; kept no debt 
book; garnifhed my mop, for want of plate, with 
good wholefome, thriity fentences ; as, Touch/lone, 
keep thy Jhop, and thy Jhop will keep thee light 
gains make heavy purfes 'tis good to be merry and 
wife. Thus grew I up, and went on thriving : I 
married, and now, I praife heaven, I bear my brow 
as high as the bcft of my. neighbours but thou 
look to the accounts your father's bond lies for 
you two hundred pounds are in arrears. 

guifk* Why, 'Hid, Sir, I have fufficient fecurity 
for it, I have trufted men of fafhion, men of courtly 
phrale, who bid me be fure to put them in mind, and 
promife upon their honour ; and call me honefl Frank 
Quickfilver, and bow to me from their chariots and 
(ball not, I truft fuch as thefe,fe f boold'. 

Enter a Footman, enquiring for TOUCHSTONE'J Shop* 

Gold. What do you pleafe to want, Sir ? What 
(hall I mew you ? 

'Touch. Aye, marry, Sir, there is a youth of an- 
other ftamp ; there is thy fellow 'prentice as good a 
gentleman born as thou art, and a better fortune to 
begin with. 

Gold, (to the Footman.} There is my mafter. 

Foot. Sir Petronel Flam, my mafter, prefents his 
compliments, and will wait on you immediately, Sir. 

Touch. To conclude the match with my eldeft 
daughter, my wife's favourite, whom fhe longs to 
Call Lady. Well, young man, fince it muft be fo, 
tell your mafter I am ready to receive him. (Exit 
7 ootman.'} There's another affliction, too ; as I have 



two. 'prentices, the one of a boundlefs prodigality^ 
' Vfrf T T ; ; t i ie 

* 



4 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

the other, of a moft hopeful induftry : So have I 
only two daughters ; one faucy, proud, and ambi- 
tious ; the other, wife, gentle, humble: The one 
muft be ladyfied, forfooth, and be attir'd in the 
court fafhion all this is againft my judgment, but 
my wife will have it fo , my wife is given to be a 
little peremptory fometimes, and I have the reputa- 
tion of being a wife man-, now a wife man fhou'd never 
be in a paffion j therefore, when my wife is obftinate, 
I am paffive, as it becomes a wife man to be. 

Gtitick. Egad, Sir, you are not the only wife man 
in the city, then ; I cou'd name you a hundred prac- 
tical philofophers more between this and Temple- bar. 

Touch. Coxcomb ! Well, ibme lands me has, her 
grandmother's gift, thefe and herfelf me may beftow 
upon her Knight, but not a penny of my getting me 
that fcorns me as a citizen and a tradesman, mail 
never pamper her pride with my induftry. I muft go 
receive this Sir Petronel, however Golding I rely 
folely on thy care; look to the mop As for you, 
Matter Quickfilver, think of hufks, for thy courfe 
is running directly to the prod'gals hog-trough 
hufks, I fay, Sirrah, hufks Work upon that now. 

[Exit Touch. 

Quick. Marry, pho, goodman Careful , '.sfoot, 
tho' I am a 'prentice, I can give arms, my father's 
a juftice of peace by defcent, and 'fbud 

Gold. Fie, how you fwear ! 

guiek. 'Sfoot, man, I am a gentleman, and may 
fwear by my pedigree. Gad's my life, Golding, wilt 
be rul'd by a fool ? turn good fellow, turn fwagger- 
ing gallant, and, let the Welkin roar and Erebus alfo. 
\Ve are both gentlemen, let us no longer be fool:, to 
this mufty cit, Touchftone , '{life, man, his father, 
was a maltman, and his mother fold gingerbread. 

Cold. What wou'd you have me do, pray ? 



OLD CITY MANNERS. j 

Quick. Do ? why do nothing as I do : be like a 
gentleman, be idle ; the curfe of man is labour, 
Make ducks and drakes of thy (hillings thou a 
gentleman born, and be- content to cry, what do you 
lack ? what do you buy : to {land with a bare pate, 
and a dropping nofe, under a penthoufe; od'fo, how 
like a fhetrp thou look'ft now ! on my confcience fomc 
bumpkin- begat thee thou Golding of Golding- 
Hall awsy 

Gold. Go, thou art a prodigal coxcomb. I a 
bumpkin's fon, becaufe I am not a drunken rakehell 
like thy fell" 

Quick. Rakehell, rakehell ! draw, Sir. 

(He offers to draw. 

Gold. Draw, what mall I draw ? thou art a 
cowardly, bragging boy ; thou feeil I have no fword, 
or thou wouldft not dare to draw. I'll have thee 
whip'd. 

Sjuick. Whip'd ? that's good i'faith ! whip'd ! 

Cold. Alas, I behold thee with pity, not with 
anger : Thou tool of every knave, thou {landing jeft 
of every company ! methinks I fee thee already in 
Moorfieids without a coat, with half a hat, a cudgel 
under thy arm, borrowing and begging three- pence. 

Quick. Nay, s'life ! take this, and take all : as I am 
a gentleman born, I'll not do any thing now, but get 
drunk, grow valliant, and beat thee. (Exit. 

Gold. Go thou mod madly vain, whom nothing 
Can recover, but that which reclaims atheifls, and 
makes the great fometimes religious, calamity: as 
for my place and life, thus have I read, 

Whatever feme vainer youth may term difgrace^ 

J'he gains of ~ boneft fains is never bafe : 

From trade> from arts, from valour honour fprings, 

fbefe three are founts of gentry ', nobles, kings. 

(Exit Golding. 
SCENE 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 

> 
.-IcfJtdfi ft urn [ 



SCENE Dreffins Roo,,,, 



GERTRUDE at her toilet, her head dre/ed in the extre- 
mity of the Fajhion ; MILDRED working; a fcreen ; 
BETTY waiting. 

. 

Ger. Now, in the name of love and grandeur, look 
if Sir Petronel approach ! is the dear man coming ? 
Oh ! fifter Mil. tho' my father is a tradefman, yet I 
am to be a lady -, and thofe who have turned their 
nofes up at me, thank heaven, muft fay, Madam, and 
your Ladyfhip to me at every word is he come ? 

that fweet, that fine, that am I drefs'd, quite 

drefs'd, Betty ? is there not a bit of city formality left 
about me ? 

Mil Lord, fifter, with what an immodeft impa- 
tience have you thrown off the drels fuitable to your 
Ipirth and condition I am forry to iee you diipife that 
which has made both you and us. uovobojis 

Ger. I tell you I hate, I abhor the city I am to be 
a lady I will be a lady, tb'Kuoy ob 0*1 ?hbv3 

Mil. Well, fifter, thofe that fcorn their neft, oft 
% with a fick wing. 
UQ\Ger. Bow-bell! 

Mil. Sure it is a ftrange madnefs toyoak together 
courtiers and citizens, foldiers and tradelmen > a gold- 
fmith's daughter and a knighthiho"} uo/ br;H 

Ger. Alas, poor Mil ! thou art e'en fick with envy 
now : but I will pray for thee when I am a lady, nay, 
and vouchfafe to call thee fifter Mil. ftill ; for altho' 
thou art not like to be a lady as I am, yet fure thou 
arc a creature of heaven's making, and may 'ft, perad- 

venturQ 



OLD CITY MANNERS. y 

venture be fav'd as foon as I- -why does not the 
knight come ? I muft abfoiutely learn to tread light 
light and have a fcornful tols of the head aye, 

juftTb this is the right court tofs amble and- 

(mimicking. 

Mil. Take care you do not make a falie ftep, 
lifter. 

Betty. I am thinking, Madam, how poor young 
Mr. Fig, the grocer, will grieve when you are married 
to the knight. 

Ger. Ah ! let him drown himfelf in a butt of his 

own molaiTas, and die in his proper calling wou'd 

he were here, though, that I might infuk him a little 

' with my pity They fay fine ladies always laugh at 

the men that love them. 

Betty. You have your wifh, Madam, here he comes, 
I vow. 

Enter FIG. 
<z[mi ItoDommi , 

Ger. This Is your doing, minx ! Pray,- Sir, with 
how many pounds of almonds and raifins did you 
bribe her to do you this good office ? 

Fi%. No, Madam, it is you that are bribed by an 
empty title to do yourfelf a bad office, as I take it- 
bile, dear Gertrude, it is not yet too late to cfcape 
this ruin. 

Ger. Dear Gertrude! marry come up, fure you 
forget that 1 am within a few hours of being a lady-- 
keep your diftancc, citizen. 

Fig. Had you forfaken me for a man of birth and 
education, I could have bor'n your falfhood patiently, 
but to prefer that ape of gentility, that fecond-hand 
coxcomb, that retailer of caftphrafes, which became 
him as ill as the -caft coat, on the credit of which he 
lets -up for a sSftfcleSflifiwn 2 ' 



5 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

Ger. He may chance to break your head with one 
of your own fugar loaves for this infolence. 

Fig. With all his boafting, Lady, he won't at- 
tempt that: but, dear Gertrude, I came not to offend, 
I love you ftill, and wou'd prefer ve you for your 
own fake. 

Ger. Oh ! he is beginning to whine now. Betty, 
here is a pin falling out What were you faying, 
Mr. Fig ? 

Fig. Ungrateful ! fickle girl ! 

Ger. Girl ! who do you fpeak to, Mr. Fig ? Can 
you not fpeak me fome fine verfes, now, like our 
Frank Quickfilver, and I will anfwer you thus : 

(fmgs ajfeftedly. 

SONG. 

While you, in moft pathetic Jlrain, 
Of ill-requited love complain, 

Tour fate I thus deplore ; 
If lovers could on pity live, 
<?hat alms with liberal hand Pd give, 

But Damon ajk no more ! 

Fig. To add infult to falfhood ! methinks you 
are quite u-ly now, and I cou'd hate you. 

Ger. Ha! ha! ha! Well, Mr. 'Fig, to mew 
you that I can be humble, and remember my old 
acquaintance, I promife you when I am a Lady, as 
mortly I mall be, you mall ferve my houfe with 
grocery-ware my butler mall treat you with a glafs 
of wine in his pantry, and my fteward mail pay your 
bills without poundage. 

Fi?. Farewel, vanity when next we meet, it will 
be my turn to laugh, perhaps. 

Ger. But now is my time, fo farewel, fugar-plumb, 
Ha! ha! ha! [Exit Fig. 

Mil 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 9 

Mil. How could you treat with fo much korn a 
hopetui young man who loves you, who was our 
father's choice, ^nd s greatly your fuperior in for- 
tune ? I proteft I am quite afhamed of you. , 

Ger Aye that mews your breeding ; I tell you a 
fine laciy fhou'd never be afliam'd ; ihame is a very 
vulgar companion, and mould never be feen but in 
the city. 

Mil. Fye, Gertrude, fye 

Enter Mrs. TOUCHSTONE, running^ Mr. TOUCHSTONE, 
and GOLDJNG. 

Mrs. 'Touch. Oh! daughter, the Knight, the Knight 
is come ! 

Ger. Is my Knight come ? my hufband that is to 
be Now I believe I ought to blulh ; Oh ! that I 
could but blufh a little ! 

Enter Sir PETRONEL. 

Pet. My charming bride, may I prefume to tafte 
the hanging cherry of your lip ? Nectar ! am- 
brofia ! orgeat and capilaire ! My honour'd father- 
in-law, let me embrace you Madam, (fo Mrs, 
Touch/tone.} permit me to pay my duty on your hand. 
Mademoifelle, (To Mildred.) \ am your moft devoted 
flave, Thou fair handmaid to the Graces, (To Betty.} 
I muft falute thee. But here, (Turning to Gertrude.) 
here is my load-ftar. 

Ger. My dear Sir Petronel, welcome, welcome ! 

Touch. Fye ! with more modeity. 

Ger. Modefty ! aukward ! why I am no cit now : 
what would you have me be bamful now that 1 am a 
Lady? 

Pet. Boldnefs is a becoming famion and court like, 

my charmer ! (furveying her] you are ravifhingly 

C drefled. 



io O L D C I T Y M A N N E R S. 

dreffcd. That fweeping train with all its variegated 
colours, looks like Juno's mantle, (luck full of pea- 
cock's eyes. 

Mrs. Touch. How fine he talks ! 

Voitcb. Nonfenfe, nonfenle. 

Pet Sure you have robb'd Cupid of one of his 
wings for that graceful feather in your head : thofe 
ponderous and majeltic curls, too ! you look like Cy- 
belt among the Goddeffes, crowned with turrets. 

Mil. That is a lofty compliment, indeed, Sir Pet- 
tronel. 

Mrs. 'Touch Oh ! he is highly bred ! 

Pet Let me die, Signora, but I am the moft in love 
of any man in the world: I fee nothing---! hear no- 
thing- I think of nothing but this bright luminary 
of Cheapfide : when I am Ipoke to, I aniwer fo wiki 
and fo little to the purpofe, that all my friends at the 
court-end of the town begin to think me really a 
blockhead. 

I'oitch. In my mind they are not miftaken. 

Pet. The other day my Lord Duke Acrelefs fliew- 
ed me a fine Flandtr's mare he had bought to make 
up his fct. What d'ye think of her Pet r 7 fays he, O ! 
fays I, thinking all the while of that treafure of 
charms, and quite forgetting the Flander's mare My 
Lord Duke, i ay- I, when fhe is prefented at Court mi 
\viil be tht finelt figure in the circle. 

loucb. Coxcomb, Coxcomb ! 

Geld, and Mild. Hah ! hah ! hah ! 

Pet. At the Leveeyefrerday, my head running upon 
my wedding day, his.M;jtfty the king (who is fond of 
fpeaking to me) obierv'd that it was a very fine day 
Pleafe your Majefty, Sir, laid I, Wedntiday is to be 
the happy day. Wcdndclay, Pet, fays the king 
I look'd confounded, and all the miniiters laugh'd at 

me. 



OLD CITY MANNERS. n 

me. 'Egad if I go on at this rate, I (hall be the jeft 
of the whole court. 

Touch. Moft certainly. 

Mrs. Touch. But, fweet Knight, is not this to be 
your wedding day ? 

Pet. It is, good mother; and Mr. Touchftone, 
as foon as he pleafes, if he is not afhamed of the 
connection, may call a poor Knight (on-in-law, 

(bowing affectedly. 

Touch. Sir, you are come : what is not mine to 
keep, I muft not be forry to forego. This g' ; rl has 
two hundred pounds a year, in lands, her grand- 
mother's gift, 'tis your's : But if you expect aught 
from me, know my hand and my eyes open together; 
I do not give bl ncily work upon that now. 

Pet. Sir, have you any doubts as to my family, 
fortune, or my title ? 

Touch. Sir, Sir, what I do not know, you will 
give me leave to fay I am ignorant of. 

Mrs*, Touch. Yes, yes, he is a Knight, fure enough; 
and fo might you have been too, had you been ought 
elfe but, a fool, as well as fome of your neighbours : 
as I am an honed woman, an I thought you wou'd 
not have been knighted, I vvou'd have taken care 
to have had you dub'd myfelf. But as for your 
daughter 

Pet. Paragon of excellence and extatic virtues ! 

Ger. No flattery, my dear Knight. I fhil! be a 
Lady prefently, and by your leave, mother, I ipealc 
it not without my duty, but only in the right of iny 
hufband, I muft take place of you, mother 

Mrs. Touch. That you fh >11, Lady daughter, and 
proud I mail be to give it you. 

Ger. Yes, mother ; but, by your leave, mother, 

I fpeak it not without my duty, bat only in my huf- 

C 2 band's 



12 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

band's right, my coach horfes mnft take the wall of 
your's. 

Pet. My beafts are fo well acquainted with their 
duty, that they would tear their harnefs to pieces, 
rather than give place to their inferiors. 

Touch. Come, come, have done with your vanity ; 
'tis almofc noon ufe my houfe the wedding fo- 
lemnity is at my wife's coft thank me for nothing 
but my willing bleffing, for I cannot feign, .mv hopes 
are faintand, Sir, reipect my daughter : ihe has 
refus'd for you wealthy and honed matches. 

Ger. Citizens ! Citizens ! Sweet Knight, as foon 
as ever we are married, take me, in mercy, take me 
out of this odious city, carry me inftantlyout of the 
fcent of Newcaftle coal, and the hearing of Bow- 
bell, I befeech thee ; away with me, for heaven's 
lake, away with me into the country. 

Pet. Clafping my treafure> hence, fweet maid., we'll fly , 
While vulgar beauties foall with envy die. 

[Exeunt all but Touch. Mil. and Gold. 

Touch. Farewel, folly ! Farewel, vanity ! But 
yonder Hand my hopes Mildred, come hither, 
child. 'What think you of your filter's choice ? 

Mil. I hope as a fifter, well. 

Touch. Nay, but how doft thou like her behaviour 
and manners ? Speak freely. 

Mil I am unwilling to fpeak ill, and yet I am 
forry that of this 1 cannot fpeak well. 

Touch. Very good , a modeft anfwer. Golding, 
come hither how doft thou like the Knight, Sir 
Flam ? He looks as big as an elephant he fays he 
has a caftle in the country. 

Gold. Fray heaven the elephant carry not his caftle 
on his back. 

Touch. 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 13 

Touch. That's well faid, faith But ferioufiy what 
is thy opinion of him ? 

Gold. The beft I can fay of him, and of myfelf, 
is, I know him not. 

Touch. Very well, Golding, I love thee ; I think 
highly of thy virtues I will give thee a proof that 
I do. My wife has her humour, and I will have 
mine. Doft thou fee my daughter here, me is toler- 
able, heh well, thou art fenfible ; fhe is modeft ; 
thou art provident; Die is careful j fne is now mine 
give me thy hand, me is now thine work upon 
that now. 

Gold. This bleffing is beyond my hopes, tho' not 
my wimes, for I long have lov'd your daughter, 
and both as your fon and fervant I will honour and 
obey you. 

Touch. Say 'ft thou fo , come hither, Mildred -, 
do you fee yon fellow ? he is a gentleman, tho' my 
'prentice -, a youth of good hope and fufficient for- 
tune. Are you mine ? You are his work upon that 
now. 

Mil. I am indeed your's, Sir ; you gave me life ; 
your love and care have made that life happy ; to 
your wifdom I wholly fubmit myfelf. 

Touch. That's wel 1 , be you two better acquainted: 
kifs her, kifs her, Knave. So fhut up the fliop 
we muft make holiday. 

'End of the FIRST ACT. 

r 3iilJ5 t 

>VU ^H- 



i 4 OLD CITY MANNERS. 



ACT II. 

. 



SCENE I. A' Parlour. 

1 i>! 

Enter TOUCHSTONE. 
Touch/lone. 

QUICKSILVER! Quickfilver! Francis Quick- 
filver! Why don't the fellow come? Mr. 
Quickfilver ! 

Enter QUICKSILVER. 

Quick. Here, Sir umph. 

Touch. So, Sir, nothing but Mr. Quickfilver will 
fetch you. 

Quick. Ay, forfooth umph. 

Touch. Umph ! How now, Sir, the drunken 
hiccup fo foon after dinner ? 

Quick. 'Tis but the coldnefs of my flomach, 
forfooth. ,m :>qorUKJ I n 

Touch. What : have you the caufe natural for it ? 
-you are a very learned fot, it feems. 

Quick.. The knight's fervants, forfooth, are ftill on 
their knees at it, and becaufe it is for your credit, Sir, 
I would be loath to flinch. 

Touch. Pray, Sir, e'en to them again then : you are 
one of the feparated crew-, one of my wife's faction 
and my young lady's, with whom, and their great 
match I will have nothing to do. iq' wolblt eif' 

Quick. 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 15 

Quick. Well, Sir, then I will go and keep my credit 
with them, and pleafe you, Sir. 

Touch. And by all means, Sir, lay one cup of fack 
more on your cold ftomach, Sir. 

Quick. Yes, foriboth, two to oblige you. 

(Exit gwckfihtr. 

Touch. This is for my credit ! if fervants get drunk 
in their mailer's houfe, it is always for his credit I 
thank time the day wears low, I ne'er waked to fuch 
coft. 1 think we have ftow'd more forts of rkih in 
our ftomachs than ever Noah's ark received : and for 
wine why my houfe turns giddy with it! this glut- 
tony is the iin of us citizens, which, becaufe we com- 
mit ieldom, we commit the more fmfully but here 
come all the fober parcels my houfe can mew- I will 
lilten and hear what thoughts they utter. 

Enter GOLDING and MILDRED. 

Gold. But is it pofllble that without afpiring, like 
your fitter, to the rank of a lady, you can confine your 
hopes and wifhes to the arms of a 'prentice ? 

Mil. Such hafty advancements as my fitter's are 
not natural you are my father's choice, therefore 
I need not blufli to own you are mine alfo. 

Gold. How dear an objecl you are to my defires, I 
cannot exprefs might I but hope chat your father and 
you, would vouchiate to blefs me immediately with 
your hand I cannot make you great, but I will make 
you happy your contentment (hall ever be the end of 
all my endeavours : I will love you above all, and 
i only your grief (hall be my mifery, your joy my 
felicity. 

Touch. On my confcience he woos honeftly he 
(hall be the anchor of my hope ha ! fee the ffl-yoak'd 
monfter his fellow 'prentice, 

Enter 



i6 OLI> CITY" MANNERS. 

Enter QUICKSILVER, quite drunk. 
Drunk now, downright. 

Gold. Fie, Qqickfilvcr, wh.it a pickle are you in ! 

Quick. Pickle! pickle in thy throat zounds, 
pickle! good morrow, Knight Petronel, morrow, 
Lady Flam all hail thou mirror or" Knighthood. . 

Gold. Why, how now, Sir, do you know where 
yon are ? 

Quick. Where I am ! why s'blood, you jolt-head, 
where am I ? 

Gold. Away for mame, go to bed and fleep out 
this intemperance, you icandalize both my Matter, 
and his houfe. 

Quick. Shame ! what mame ? I thought thou 
would'il mow thy bringing up if thou wert a gentle- 
man, as I am, thou would'ft think it no mame to be 
drunk come, lend me fome money. I am to fup 
with two or three gallants and their wives, Sirrah. 

Gold. I care not I will not lend thee a farthing. 

Quick. S'foot, lend me fome money, I fay. 

Touch. Why, how now, Sirrah ? what vein's 
this ? 

Quick. " Save me^ and hover o'er me with your wings ^ 
Ton heavenly guards ! 

What would your gracious figure ?" t/o^ 
How does our Mailer, eh, old Touch ? 

Touch. Sirrah, Sirrah, you are pail your hiccup 
now, I fee you are drunk. 

Quick. 'Tis for your credit, Mailer. 

Touch. And I am informed you keep a miflrefs. 

Quick. 'Tis for your credit, Mailer. 

Touch. I know, too, what fums you are out in 
cam 

Quick. So do I : my father's a gentleman. Work 
upon that now. Come, 'tis holiday time, prithee cry 
Eaftward hoe. 

Touch 



OLD CITY MANNERS, 17 

Vouch. Sir, Eaftward hoh, will make you go Weft- 
ward hoh - my houfc (hall be no lo.iger icawdalifed, 
nor my ftock endangered by your licentiouineis 
there, Sir, there arc your indentures from me be free, 
jb>ut for other freedom, and the money you have 
\vafted---Eaftward hoh, mall not ferve y >ur turn. 

Quick. Am I" freed from my fetters- rent fly 
with a duck in thy mouth and now I tell thee, 
Touchftone - 

Touch. Good Sir. 

Quick. When this eternal fubftance of my foul - 

Touch. Well 'laid, change your gold ends, for your 
play ends, 

Quick. Did live imprifontd in my wanton flejh - 

Touch What then, Sir ? 

Quick. I was a courtier in the Spanijh court* and Don 
Andrea was my name. 

Touch. Good Matter Don Andrea, will you b: 
gone ? 

Quick. Sweet Touchftone, will you lend me two 
{hillings ? 

Touch. Not a penny. 

Quick. I have friends that will Farewei I will 
throw dirt at thy mop poits, and rotten eggs at thy 
fign : work upon that now. (Exit Quick. 

Tcuch. Now, Sirrah, Golding, do you hear me ? 
you mail ferve me no longer neither. 

Gold. What mean you, Sir ? 

Touch. I mean to give thee thy freedom, and with 
thy freedom my daughter, and with my daugter a 
father's love ; and with all thefe, fuch a portion as 
fhall make Knight Petionel himfelf envy thee. You 
are both agreed, are ye not ? 

Gold. With all iubmiflion, both of thanks and 
duty. 

D 



. . . 



iS OLD CITY MANNERS. 

Touch, /ye, aye, I know you were agreed long 
ago. Well heaven blefs you ! Come, let us in, and 
finilh this humble, but I hope, happy match; I have 
the licence in my pocket, and my Lord Mayor's 
chaplain mall tack you together inftantly. 

(Exeunt omnes. 

llfifl t3ho aril 'fiu 
SCENE changes to a Room in SE- 

CURITY'J Hou/e. 

. . y~ 

Enter SECURITY. 

Sec. My private gueft, young Quickfilver, has 
tafted too freely of the bride-bowl. My houfe is the 
cave where the young out-law hoards the ftolen vails 
of his occupation, and here, when he will revel it like 
a man of fpirit, he retires to his treafure, and I may 
fay, foftly, to his wench. He confides both to my 
keeping, for I am Security kielr, both by name and 
nature. ^k" ^ & -u^& i\w^ iri, . 

'.Wv\ r ". . . ! 

Enter QUICKSILVER, in bis 'prentice's coat and bat^ 
filk ftockings, and laced waiftcoat, gartering bis 
Jiockings. 

. 

gtyick. Well, old Security, thou father of deftrudi- 
on,-, the indented fheepfkin is burnt, wherein I was 
wrapt, and I am now loofe to get more children of 
perdition into thy ufurous bonds. '1'hou feedeftmy 
iicentioufhefs, and I, thy covetoufneis. Thou art 
pancVr to me for my wench, and I to thee for thy 
extortion. 
ilB ftf*- Well faid, my fubtle Quickfilver 1 

Quick. Why man 'tis the London highway to 
fhrift i if virtue be ufed it is but a fcape to the net of 

villany : 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 19 

villany : they that ufe it fimply, thrive (imply 
I warrantweight and famion make goldfmiths 

cuckolds 

r f ~. 

Enter SYNDEFY, with QUICKSILVER'/ fne coat, 
hat, and fword. 

Syn. There, Sir, put off the other half of your 

'prenticeihip 

Quick. Well faid, my charmer, bring forth all my 

finery 

There lie thou hujk cf my envaffard days, 
I, Sampfon, now have burft the Phiiiftines* bands', 
^e'fi And in thy lap, my lovely Delilah, 

I'll lie, andjncrs out my enfranchised ft ate. .-.-jfhjj 
fclisy nt, ,v t>v5 

Sylil : S O N G. 

lu-as a^rent'ceyefterd^ 
But now Tve quitted forrow, 

m never work, but will ever play. 

Make every hour a holiday, 
And never think of to- morrow. 



But, Dad, haft thou feen my running gelding drefs'd 
to-day ? 

Sec. That I have, Frank, the hoftler at the cock 
drefs'd him for a breakfaft. 

Quick What, did he eat him ! hiccup ! 

Sec. No, but he eat his breakfaft for dreffing him, 
and fo drefs'd him for a breakfaft. 

Quick. What, old Security, have you wit and 
money too ? You always was an unconfcionable 
fcoundrel. 

Sec. Call me what you pleafe, Frank : But, alas, 
how will all this be maintain'd now ? thy place main- 
tain'd it before. 

Quick. 



20 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

Quick. Why, and I maintained my place but now 
I'll co the court, I have fome thriving qualities, that 
will take root in that foil. -As for thee, old Dad, 
thou art moderate in thy defires of wealth, and art 
Contented with the decent profits of of thy occupation, 
cent, per ceHt.or fo-, provided the! tin (land not ftill, and 
the moon keep her ufual returns, and make up days 
and years, thou art well fatisfied. 

Sec. Well, Mr. Francis, do but bring Sir Petronel 
into my parchment toils once, and you mail not need 
to toil in any trade. You know his wife's lands ? 

Quick. The devil a foot I know (afide). Every 
track of them* old Boy, I have been often there a 
fine feat, good land, all entire within itfelf. 

Sec. Well wooded? 

Quick. A thoufand pounds worth ready to cut, 
old boy , would I were your farmer for two hundred 
a yean 

Sec. Excellent Mr. Francis -, how I do long to do 
thee good! how I do hunger and third to have the 
honour of enriching thee ! for on my confcience* 
Mr. Francis, and fo tell the knight, I engage in this 
bufinefs purely to do him a pleafure. 

Quick. 1'il try you a little, old blood-fucker (afide). 
Marry, Dad, hishorll-s are now coming up to carry 
down his lady : wilt thou lend him thy (tables to fet 
them in ? 

tec. Faith, Mr. Francis, I am not willing to do 
that, in a greater matter I wou'd ferve him, but not 
in this. 

Quick. There I caught your nofc in a trap, old fox ; 
you hunger and thirfl to do him good, and won't 
give him half an bqur'o ftabling Well, well, let 
hum have money on yonr own terms, he is going to 
the Kali indies in learch of wealth ; all the money 
he cou'd raife has been expended on this fcheme ; he 

mufl 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 21 

mufc make bold with his wife's fortune ; for which 
purpofe, indeed, he married ; his fhip now lies at 
Blackwall, ready to fail with the firit fair wind; but 
this hopeful project will be fpoil'd without your 
affiftance, Old Gencrofuy. 

Sec. Let his wife feal to-day, iftd ,h&, {hall have 



money initantly. 'tnm-yi isutu "tari fp^vl noofn arb 
$ulck. She ihall, Dad, before fhe goes into the 
country To work her to which action, I Ihall pre- 
fently prefer my fweet Syndefy here to the place of 

her woiiwms"Ji w gid v/on.4 uoY 
- Sec. I proteft a moft fafhionable project; as good 
flie fpoil the Lady, as the Lady Ipoil her i for it is 
three to one. on one fide. 

Syn. But, dear Frank, when Iball our father Secu- 
rity prefcnt meft noYf sbnupc; bntHJO.fJj A ; , 

<%uick. With all feftinatidn, I have broke the ice 
to it already, and am now going to vifit the Knightj 
at his father-in-law's no more my mafter,- bathonett 
old Touchftone Thithsr, I befeech thee, bring 
Syndefy. . y rfl n( , 

Sec. Command nie^ Mafter Francis I do hunger 
and thirft to do thee fervice. (Exit Quickftfaer.) 
Come, fweet Mrs. Syndefy, take leave of my wife, 
and we will inftantly meet Mr. Francis at your 
Lady's, fa nurl bn^)l oorb )> [Exit. 



SCENE changes to TOUCHSTONE'J 

JOCl-J ^ . T^ ^ 

Enter Sir PETRONEL, and QUICKSILVER. 

Sir Pet. Thanks to my fortunate ftars, my fcheme 
has fucceeded, and I mail foon be at liberty to leave 
this odious town, where there is no amufement left to 
kill that enemy Time with : Taverns are dead, gaming 
houfes blown up, plays are at a tband, and houfes 
f hofpitality no where: 'tis time for honeft folks to 



22 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

be going. What, my fubtle Quickfilverj all alivt 
Itill, and the fumes of the bride-bowl ftill operating 
In thy pericranium. 

Quick, (fags.} I was apprentice, &c. But let us 
be merry and wile, and think of bufinefs. You had 
better take feme cam in your purfe, Knight, other- 
wile your eaftward caftle will fmoak but miferably. 

Sir Pet. Oh! Frank! my caftle: alas! all the 
catties I have, thou knoweft, are built of air ! 

Quick. I know it, Knight, and thetefore wonder 
where your Lady is going. 

Sir Pet. Faith, to feek her fortune, I think -, I 
faid 1 had a caftle and land eaftward, and eaftward 
fhe will go without contradiction. Her coach and 
the coach of the fun muft meet full butt, which will 
overturn them both, fet fire to this part of the world, 
and we will make our efcapes by the light of it. 

^uick, A good rodomontade, i'faith. I fear when 
her enchanted caftle becomes invifible, her. Ladyfhip 
will return and be very near invifible too. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Sir Pet. Oh ! that me would have the grace to do 
it But, Frank, there is no jefting with my prefent 
necefiity ; my creditors have found me out j I am 
befcton every fide , if I do not make prefent money 
to profecute my intended voyage, and contrive , to 
efcape this night to my fhip, to-morrow will fee me 
in a jail, and 1 am ruin'd for ever. 

*)uick. Why then, Sir, in earneft, if you can 
prevail'. upon your Lady to fet her hand to the fate 
of .her inheritance, the blood-hound, Security, will 
fmell out ready money for you inftantly. ,;[ n { ^^ 

Sir Pet. There fpoke my better angel ; I have al- 
ready tamper'd with her upon this iubjed ihe is in 
luch a hurry to be gone that me will not lofe time 
in examining what we offer her. She has fettled the 
order of our cavalcade herfelf, and nothing can be 

better 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 23 

better contriv'd for my purpofe. She is to let out in 
the new coach, with her mother, and her woman, 
and I am to follow with thee a horfeback, and a 
crowd of livery iervants , her fancy is fo fill'd with 
this magnificence, that me has not a corner left for 
reflection but in the mean time 1 muft fain mylelf 
very fond Plague of my fortune ! what am I 
bound to r But the beft of it is, a large time-fuited 
confcience is bound to nothing Old Security's 
young wife, Winifred, who was forc'd from my 
wilhes by her fordid parents, will ftill be mine. 

Quick. Ay, Sir, I have good news from that 
quarter too, the old ufurer will be here inftantly with 
my wench Syndefy whom you kno\y your Lady has 
promis'd to entertain for her woman ; and he, with 
a purpofe to feed on you, invites you molt folemnly 
by me to fupper. 

S:r Pet. Jt falls out excellently for my fcheme, 
which his wife is as yet but half inftrudted in I fee 
defire of gain makes jealoufy venturous But here 
comes my Lady. 

Enter GERTRUDE. 

How me gazes on thee, Frank r I proteft (he does 
not know thee in this drefs. 

Ger. How now, who are you, T pray ? 

<%iikk. My name is Quickfilver, pleafe your 
Ladyfhip. 

Ger. By my dignity, and as I am a Ladyhe is 
very handfome, now he is no longer a 'premice ; 
he's in liquor too ! 

' Quick.' Zov your fcrvice, Lady Your hiippinefs 
has intoxicated me. 

Ger. How his raking becomes him! but where is 
my woman, pray ? 
.sd nD gnifbon bne /tbliari ab^DJKVi;:, 

Enter 



24 OLD CITY MANNERS, 

Enter SECURITY and SYNDEFY. 

Shtick. See^ Madam, me is come to attend you 
A coufm of mine. 

Sec. Save my honourable Knight, and his wor- 
(hip's Lady. 

Ger. You are very welcome- --you muft not put 
on your hat yet. 

Sec. No, Madam, 'till I know your Ladyfhip's 
pleaiure, 1 will not prefume. 

Ger. And is this a gentleman's daughter lately 
come out of the country. 

Sec. She is, Madam. 

Hiick. And my coufin, as I told you. 

Ger. And can you do any work belonging to a 
Lady's chamber ? 

Syn. What I- cannot do. Madam, I will be glad 
to learn. 

Ger. Well faid, hold np your head, I fay me is 
very bslhful come hituer. 

Syn. I thank your Ladyfhip. 

Ger. And, do you hear, good man, you may put on 
your hat now I do not look upon you 1 muft have 
you, young woman, of my tutoring, not of my 
Knight's. 

Syn. No, forfooth, Madam, of your's. 

Ger. And be a fpy upon my fervants, and keep 
my fecrets, and read a novel to me when I am bufy, 
and laugh at country gentlewomen, and command 
any thing in the houie for my dependants, and care 
pot what you fpend, for it is all mine. 

Syn. I (hall befure to obey you, Madam. 

Ger. Very well, you mail ride with me in my 
coach into the country- Come, fwect Knight, are 
our equipages ready ? 

Sir 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 25 

,13QW^2 fe*S. iYT>, 

Sir Pet. You arc m men a hurry, my dear, to go 
out of town, that. I cannot be prefented to-morrow, 
as I intended, it being a court-day ; if it mould be 
taken ill now, that I do not kits hands on account 
of my marriage, before I fet out for my caftle. 

Ger. Well thought on, my dear Knight : No, no, 
we will not fet out for our caftle before we. have- 
kifs'd hands, as you call it I would not for the 
world but go to court firft. 

Pet. (afide.) Here's a fine turn now ! 

Quick. Zooks, Knight; we are ruin'd if flic, holds 
in this mind ! Have you never a fetch now ? 

Pet. Well, my charmer, it (hall be as you pleafe. 

Ger. Very good he will be an obedient hufband, 
I fee that. 

Pet. Who's there ?-*-tell my fervants we do not go 
out of town to-night. 

Quick. What does he mean ? 

Pet. Faith it will be a pity too to balk my tenants, 
I know they expect me to bring my new Lady to the 
caftle to-night ^ they will be all dreft in their holiday 
cloaths to meet us ; the bonfires will blaze, and the 
bells will ring. 

Ger. What for me? Shall I be received with all 
this grandeur ? O, Syn. I am fo divided, I know 
not what to do. Do thou advife me. 

Quick. With your Ladyfhip's leave I will advife 
you. Do not difappoint the good people, who have 
made great preparations to receive you , you may be 
prefemed any other court-day. Oh ! I'll prefent yon. 

Ger. Say'ft thou fo Well then, dear JCnight, let 
us be gone , nay, pofitively I will go to-night ; is my 
coach readyjKj j^wl 3ntS&*f*fi whifpers Petrcnel. 

Pet. That's true Sweet Lady wife, let me in- 

treat you to ftop a few moments : I order'd a jewel- 
IE ler 



26 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

ler to attend me at Security's houfc, with an intention 
to purchafe a few ornaments for you, mere trifles -, I 
will not exceed two or three hundred pounds. 

Ger. O, fortune! What a hufband have I got! 
Go, fweet Knight, and return prefently ; mean time 
I will take leave of my father. \Exit. 

Quick. Faith, Knight, you overfhot yourfelf there- 
that kifling of hands had like to have fpoil'd all. 

Pet. Well, well, we are fafe however-, and now, 
Mr. Security, if your lawyer has prepared the 
writings for my wife to fign : 

Sec. He waits you, with them, at my houfe, Sir. 

Pet. Away, then one bold pufli more, and the, 
day is our own. 

' 
in v/n fill;. 

. 

End of the SECOND ACT. 

. 



-i 
ii 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 27 



bnuoq Lmbuurl aairfo T i 

', 

ACT III. SCENE I. 

* to SYC^l 3.MJ. 
. : [ - ,,.' .1 dJlfi 
.Ufib'lfoqiwsri'oJ xlilbfirf' . -jhil 

^ Room in SECURITY'J #i?w/?. 

?./l- nyWfil ll/O'{ 

- -~ngf) co 

Sir PETRONEL, SECURITY, WINIFRED, and 

BRAMBLE, with writings. 

Sir Petronel. 

_ H I S readinefs to affift my necefilties, good Mr. 
Security, mall always be gratefully remembered 
by me. 

Sec. Worthy Knight, let this be a token of our 
inviolable friendfhip you fee my new married-wife, 
here I hope, tho 3 I be fome thing in years, to have 
a numerous family and I vow faithfully to make 

nu godfather, tho' in your abience, to the firft child 
im bleft withal. 

Sir Pet. Sir, I accept your offer, and in confirma- 
tion of this friendly title, I mult intreat your fair 
wife to accept of this diamond, and keep it as a gift 
to her firft child. 

Win. Oh I by no means what I have no right to, 
it is not modefty to accept. 

&?<:. How now, my coy wedlock ! do you refufe 
fo" noble a favour? take it, I charge you, with all 
affedtion-^and fmce the Knight is going, prcfent 
boldly your lips to his honour, and wifh him a 
hrippy voyage. 

E 2 Win. 



2 8 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

Win. Since I am commanded, you have my heft 
\vifiies for your attendants. 

(Petrcnel and Winifred talk apart while Security 
examines the writings^ then exit Winifred. ) 

Sir Pet. Well now, my good t'rienJ, if the writings 
be ready, to which my wife muft leal, 1 let them be 
brought immediately before me lets out for the coun- 
try, and I will prevail upon her to difpatchthem. 

Sec. The writings are ready, Sir; my learned 
council here, Mr. Bramble, hath perilled them, and 
I will follow you with them to prefent to your Lady. 

Sir Pet. Good Mr. Bramble, I will here take my 
leave of you, then Heaven fend you fortunate pleas, 
Sir, and contentious client ! 

Eram. And you foreright winds. Sir, and a for- 
tunate voyage. [Exit. 

Enter QUICKSILVER. 

Quick* All's right, my fortunate FJafh ! my Knight! 
Sir Petronel, your Lady's upon the wing to your 
caftle in the air ; fhe will be choak'd, me lays, if me 
breathes the thick atmofphere of Cheapfide a mo- 
ment longer, though the cockatrice was bred and born 
here. 

Sir Pet. She longs for an airy jaunt, and fhe mall 
have it. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Quick. Yes, yes, her fine airy fchemes will foon 
have an end So a woman marries to ride in her coach, 
flie cares not if (he rides to her ruin. 

Sir Pet. Nay, 'tis no matter, as thou fay'ft I care 
little what they think he that weighs men's thoughts 
has his hands full of nothing. 

Sec. Which is the worft thing in the world. 

'Sir Pet. A man, in the courfe of this world, 
fhou'd be like a furgeon's inftrument, work in the 
wounds of others, and feel nothing himleif. 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 29 

Quick. As \ve have manag'd our affairs now, 
Knight, you need not devife excufes, or endure her 
outcries, when (he returns , we (hall be gone before, 
where they cannot reach us. 

Sir Pet. Well, my good friend, you have now the 
belt fecurity we both can make you I beg, therefore, 
that the money we agreed on may be brought to the 
tavern I mention'd, by fix o'clock, where J, and my 
chief friends bound for this voyage, will attend you 
with a parting glafs. 

Sec. The money mall, without fail, obferve the 
appointed hour. 

Sir Pet But there is one thing more which thou, 
and only thou canfl fcrrve me in. 

Sec. Name it, dear Knight, thou knoweil I hunger 
and third to do thee good. 

Sir Pet. I know it when I was in want thou did'fl 
help ins to money moft difintereftedly I am in love, 
and thou, moft confcientioufly, mull help me to my 
miftrefs. 

Sec. Aye, confcientioufly, Knight; bate me but 
a hundred pieces of the money thou art to receive for 
the fale, and the bufmefs is done if, indeed, it is in 
my power. 

Sir Pet. A bargain ! here is .my hand upon it. 

Sec. But who is the fair one ? methinks it is necef- 
ceflary to know that. 

Sir Pet. Your learned council's wife, Bramble, 
with whom I have long been acquainted weary of 
his avarice and tyranny, me has confented to go off 
with me. Now as no man, like yourfelf, hath credit 
with him to entice his jealoufy for fo long a flay 
abroad, as may give her an opportunity to eicape - 
you muft engage him to fup with us this evening at 
the tavernwhen he is come, n:y friend, here, will 



3 6 OLD CITY BANKERS. 

go to his houfe and bring his wife malked, and irt 
difguife, into our company. 

Sec. A pretty, pithy, and mod pleafent project 1 
who wou'd not {train a point of neighbourhood to 
carry it on ? the gains fo great too- --remember our 
agreement--! will go to him inftantly. [xif. 

Sir Pet. Now, Frank, do thou ftay behind ; and 
when Security is out of fight, convey his wife to our 
place of meeting , I have prepar'd her for this ftra- 
i-agem, and fhe expects thee 

Re-enter SECURITY. 

How ! return'd r 

Sec. You talk'd of difguifmg the Lady Come 
here, Sir Petronel, 1 have a rare device for that) 
for, indeed, I wou'd not have the plot mifcarry for 
a hundred pounds. 

Quick. True-, thou gain'ft juft fo much by it. 

Sec. Aye, and fomewhat befides almoft as defirable 
as money, revenge I was engag'd in a fuit the other 
day which he manag'd for me the rogue took fees 
on both fides, I believe ; I owe him a good turn for 
that you will allow. 

.Sir Pet. Oh ! by all means get out of his debf^ 
honefl Security -Well, what is your device ? 

Sec. Marry, Sir. this it is-, Mrs. Bramble mail 
have the cloaths my wife wore this morning * me and 
my Winny are much alike in fize and fhape: Bramble 
feeing her thus attir'd, her mafic being on, will fall into 
fome fufpicion that it is my wife, and never dream 
of his own. Is not this rare ? is it not fine ? am I 
not born to furnifh gentlemen ? 

Quick. Aye, and thyfelf with horns. 

Sec. Send one of thy fervants, Knight, to my 
houfe for the cloaths, which I will defire my Winny 
to give him, and when I have enticed Bramble abroad, 

they 



QLD CITY MANNERS. 3< 

they may be conveyed to his wife. Adieu. Follow 
me, Frank. (Exit. 

Quick. With all my heart; Sir. Was ever rafcai 
fo honied. ovc-i wnhpoifon! as he hascontriv'd it, you 
will carry off his wife in her own proper likenefs beforfc 
his face. Go to the tavern, Knight, thither I will 
bring your miftrcfs -, your followers dare not be drunk 
I think, before their captain. 

Sir Pet. Wou'd I mght lead them to no hotte? 
fervice. ! Farewel, Frank, fuccefs attend thee. 

(Exit, $ui(k. 

Sir Pet- (alone} Now for the tavern, and my fellow 
voyagers. Captain Seagull, and his afTociates, they 
are impatient to be gene, for their ftay is dangerous ; 
mine begins to be fomewhat nice, and requires good 
fpeed I (hall be upon the fea with Mrs. Security, 
before my dainty lady returns from her caftle in the 
air, and! -finds herfelf without hufband, fortune, or 
followers ; 1 could feel now for this fooliih wife, or 
rather no wife of mine, had not I had fo many of 
thefe crofs accidents, that my feeling is quite worn 
put ; her pride being now pennylefs, will have no 
comforters. 












SCENE 



3 2 OLD CITY MANNERS. 



qitlS 
,,ft rfopCQ vm Ol * J>r r i ^ 

SCENE <r/fo;zgv.r /<? Mr. TOUCH- 
STONE'/ Houfe. 

Enter a 'Coachman in his frock, eating. 

Coach. Here's a clutter, when citizens rids cut of 
town, indeed, as if all the houfe was on fire. 

Enter a Footman. > o? 1ft (tft 

Foot. Why, Coaclima.il, my lady's coach- -fne is 
ready to come down. 

Coach. Well, we'll, I am ready to receive her , 

what a fufs is here | ( Exit. 

:ul 
Enter GERTRUDE, Mrs. TOUCHSTONE, and 

SYNDEFY. 

: 

Ger. My coach, for heaven's fake, my coach-- 

foot. Your coach will be ready prelently, Madam. 
-Ger. That's well, now gracious heaven, methinks I 
am even up to the knees in preferment. 

Mrs. T'oucb. Methinks, indeed, Lady Daughter, 
yon might have honour'd us with your Company a 
day or two before you fet out for your cattle. 

Ger. Alas ! mother you are quite ignorant of de- 
corum ; do not all the great people go to their country 
feats directly after they are married ? nay, and little 
people too will be in the falhion. Have you not 
read in the news-papers, fuch a day, Mifs Such-a-one, 
the daughter of an eminent tallow chandler, in the 
Borough, was married to Mr. Such-a-one, a great 
pawnbroker, in the fame place* and immediately 
aftej.the ceremony, the new-married pair fet out for 

their 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 33 

their apartments, in Camberwell-Green ; But I mar- 
vel how my modeft fifter employs herfelf, that me 
cannot wait on me to my coach as well as her 
mother. 

Syn. Why, Madam, me is married bv this time to 
'prentice Golding : your father, with a fpecial licence 
in his pocket, Hole to church with them in all hafte, 
that the cold meat left at your wedding might furnifrj 
out their nuptial fupper we have great oeconomy at 
our houfe. 

Ger. There's a mean fellow my father, now -, but 
he is e'en fit to father fuch a daughter ! but, thank 
heaven, he muft not take the liberty to call me 
daughter now, but Madam, and your Ladyfhip- 
put upon him, marry his daughter to a bafe 
'prentice ! 

Enter TOUCHSTONE, GOLDING, and MILDRED. 

Ger. Now, Ihame on thee ! no more fifter of mine ! 
married to a gbldfmith ! never expeft that I will look 
on thee more, or do any think for thee thou ride in 
my coach, or come down to my caftle ! Fie upon 
thee, I charge thee, as I am a lady, call me filler 
no more. 

Touch. An it pleafe your wormlp, this is not your 
fifter ; this is my daughter, and me calls me father, 
and fo does not your Ladymip, and pleafe your 
worfhip, Madam. 

Mrs. Touch.. No, nor me muft not call thee father 
by heraldry, becaufe thou makeft thy 'prentice thy 
ibn-in-law. Thou fawcy 'prentice, how durft thou 
prefume to marry a lady's fifter ? 

Gold. It pleas'd my Mafter, Madam, to embolden 

me, while yet a 'prentice, to look up to his daughter : 

yet fince Imav fay it without boafting, I am a gentle- 

F 



34 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

man, and have a fortune, which with the afliftanceof 
my trade, will fnpport my wife in cafe and plenty. 

Ger. Do you mark him ? he is a gentleman ! 

Cold. Yes, Madam, a gentleman born. 
..fi 3vi>n ili. 

Enter Sir PETRONEL. 

' 

Pet. Now, my fweec celeftial bride, let me fnatch 
thee from this terreflial Cheapfide, and fly with thee 
on the wings of love to Paradife, the coach is ready, 
your equipage in order, and I will. follow thee like 
like upon my knighthood, my mind is fo full of 
thee it has no room for a fimile . 

Ger. How eloquent and refin'd ! 1 cannot exiltif 
I flay a moment longer in the fmoke of this odious 
city. This is Mr. Gold ing, Sir Petronel he he J 
afTure you he is a gentleman. 

Gold. Yes, a gentleman born, and I truft that the 
character of an honeft citizen would not difgrace even 
your dignity, Sir, or the proudeft the land can, 
boaft of 

Pet. Never fland upon your gentility, Mr. 
Bridegroom j if your legs are no better than your 
arms, you will (land on neither Ihortly. 

Cold. Sir, my arms have fupporters, honour and 
. property. 

Touch. An it pleafe your good worfhip, Sir, there 
are two forts of gentlemen. 

Pet. What mean you, Sir ? 
, tfoucb. Bold to put offrny hat to your worfhip. 

Pet. Nay, pray forbear, Sir, and then forth with 
your two forts of gentlemen. 

Touck. If your worfhip will have it fo, I fay there 
are two forts of gentlemen, one whom birth, means, 
and merit make fo ; the other, indeed, made by hi:n- 
ielf, without any other helps work upon that now. 

Pet. 
. 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 35 

Pet. Well faid, old Touch. I am proud to hear 
thee enter a fet fpeech, i'faith forth I befeech thee. 

Touch. Why, Sir, my fpeeches were ever in vain 
to that lady, therefore you and me mail have no more 
ot them Come my poor Ton and daughter, let us 
hide ourfelves in our humility, and live fafe, ambition 
confumes itfelf with the very mow work upon that 
now. ( Exit Touch/I one > Golding, and Mildred. 

Gert. Let him go, poof man, let him go- 
let him make his 'prentice his Ion, give away his 
daughter, and afterwards, come a begging to us 
farewel, dear Knight, for a few hours; come, mother. 

Mrstfoilcb. Sweet Lady Daughter, I will butfpeak 
one word to my poor catt away, and wait on thee to 
thy coach initantly. (Exit* 



ri3 Ji. Enter SECURITY, with writings. 

"!BJrf3 



Set. My, worfhipful Lady, will you pleafe to fet 
your Ladylhip's hand to this writing, which your 
Knight order'd me to prefent to you. 

Ger. What writing is it ? 

Pet. The fale, my charmer, of that poor tenement 
I told thee ofonly to make a little ready money to 
purchafc fome famionable furniture for my caftle, to 
which try hand mall lead thee. 

Sec. I always carry proper materials about me. 

(Pulls out a 'pen andink^ Petronelfigns it. 

Ger. Very well now give me the pen. (figm. 

Pet. It goes down without chewing i'faith. 

Sec. Your worihips deliver this as your deed ? 

Pet', and Ger. We do. 

Pet. What more's to be done, old Security ? 

Sec-. I wiil give you the writings in the next room, 
but you tnuft fign my acquittance, and the ; whole is 
fettled. 

Pet. I'll follow you let me hand you to the coach. 

Ger. 



$6 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

. Gcr. By no means, Knight my dear Knight, dif- 
patch your bufinels and follow me, for even grandeur 
vvill.be iniiipportable without you. 

Pet. Pegafus would be too flow to carry me to you. 
Exquifite enchanting bride ! adieu for a few hours 
\vellofffaith.. (ajide) . (Exit. 

Ger. There's a man for you, Syndy. So now run 
before and fee that the footmen Hand bare headed 
and. obferve whether any of the neighbours are got 
together to fee me fet out in my coach, and befure 
tell the coachman aloud to drive hard that I may get 
to my caftle before evening. 

I. 

Now from trade, duft, andfmoke. 
Which the citizens choak, 

Tofrejh air, and new titles I'll hie t 
3 J3fl Tho* Mind chance placed me here, 
<To a /till higher fphere, 

My genius has feathers to fly. 

Wen I indeed Jhallle tlefs'd, 
Shall be flatter' d, carefs'd, 

And out of the found of Bow-bell. 
Tourfervant, my lady ! 
A chair for my lady I 

I hope that your ladyfoifs well! 

II. 

ft) en good-bye to papa, 
Tojifter mama, 

And all the good friends of Cheapfide ; 
For the mind truly great , 
Will faring up to itsftate^ 

Upborne by thefpirit of pride! 

fhls, this is indeed to be blefs' t 
V, 

SCENE 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 37 



SCENE changes to a Tavern. 

Enter PETRON'ZL and Drawer. 

Pet. Here, Drawer Where are all my friends ? 

Draw. In the next room, Sir. 

Pet. Very well Let them know I'll wait upon 
them prefently , and d'ye hear, defire Mr. Security, 
and Counfellor Bramble, to walk up. (Exit Drawer.) 
Now the fweet hour of freedom is at hand. 

Enter SECURITY and BRAMBLE. 

Sec. Save my brave Colonel,- with all his worthy 
companions See, fee, Sir, my good friend and 
neighbour, Mr. Bramble, is come, to take his leave 
of you.-- All- is: iafe, Knight-, Frank will be here 
inftancly with Mrs. Bramble,. 

Pet. Sweet, Mr. Bramble, how far do you draw 
us into the fweet briar of your kindnefs. 

Sec. Aye, here comes ^ne that has reafon to thank 
him. 

Enter Qu ICKSJLVER with WINIFRED in a mafk. 

Quick. Here is the gentlewoman, your coufin, Sir, 
whom, with much entreaty, I have brought to take 
her leave of you in a tavern but on account of 
the company you have wim.~ypu, you muft excufe 
her keeping on her mafic. 

Pet. Pardon me, fweer coufin, my earned defire 
to lee you before my departure made me entreat you 
to favour me with your company here. 

Sec. So, Mr. Francis, you have honour'd this 
company with the prdence. of a Lady, then. 



3 8 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

Quick. Pray, Sir 1 , take no notice of her, for Ihe 
will not be known to you. 

-' T T 1 f 1 



Bram. I proteft, I think, I have fome knowledge 
of the Lady. 

Sec.. Mr. .Francis, I hope you will introduce my 
learned council, Mr. Bramble, to the Lady. Ha, ha! 

Quick By no means, Sir ; nor you neither, at this 
time , it will not be proper ; confider the place - t 
Mr. Bramble muft pardon her. 

Sec. Aye, he mall pardon her ; and fo do I from 
the bottom of my heart. Ha, ha, ha ! and Mafter 
Francis and I, when we get home, will drink a 
health to all that are going Eaftward to-night, 
towards Cuckolds-point, and fo to the health 
of Mafter Bramble, ha, ha, ha! and you'll pledge 
it, Mafter Francis, heh ? 

Pet. Nay, dearcoufin, do not weep Mr. Security, 
friend, a word with you here is our fair friend, 
Mrs. Bramble, diflblv'd in tears me drowns the 
whole mirth of our meeting prithee take her afide 
and comfort her. 

Sec. Fye, fye, Mrs. Brabble ! what do you weep 
for ? what is the caufe ? Perhaps becaufe your hui- 
band is fo near, and your heart reproaches you for 
having a little abus'd him Alas ! alas ' the offence 
is too common to be minded* you may be thankful, 
1 think, for your efcape. What woman, Mrs, 
Bramble, wou'd weep to leave an old jealous dotard 
for the arms of a young fond lover ? Fye, for fhame, 
Mrs. Bramble ! fye, for mame ! 

*ftKu&] :Jbw3iJ5~2 .#iop3<6*': 

Enter Drawer. 

Draw. Gentlemen, here is one of your watermen 
defires to (peak with you. 

" 

nter 



fck. Let him come in. 
'd .* G 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 33 

Enter Waterman. 

Water. Pleafe your honours, I came to tell you as 
how ir will be flood for theie three hours j and it 
wi'l be dangerous going againft the tide, for the fky 
is overcaft, -and there was a porpoife juit now fefen 
at London-Bridge, which is always the mefien^er of 
.tempeits and pkafe you. 

Quick. Aporpoife' what is that to the pUrpofe ? 
Can we not reach Blackwall, where our fhip lies, 
agamft the tide, and in fpite of tempefts, and por- 
poivs t:x> ? Come, I'll go in to our friends and drink 
one giais more, and then-take boat. [Exit. 

ti-'im. Come., neighbour Security, let us take 
k "e of !'? Kn.ght, and his Lacly, and let us begone. 

Stt W'tli ai! my heart, mylearnedcbunc.il; ha, 
ha, ,a ! iiy mind runs Ib r *upon Cuckold's-point to- 
nighi, tfiat f can think of nothing elfe. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Bram. CuckoldVpo'nt ! -Why furely, neigh- 
bour, tint is your w:fe. 

Sec. No, 'by m;/ troth, Matter Bramble-, ha, ha, 
ha ! Plague of Cuckold's point, I fay. 

Bram. Why- it is the very drefs I faw her in this 
morn ng is the man blind ? 

Sec. My learned council, all are not cuckolds that 
feem To. -Give me your hand, rny learned council ; 
you and I will fup at home with our wivesk Adieu, 
my noble Knight make hafte aboard do you hear, 
make -hafte aboard. (afide to Petronel. 

Pet. Friend Security, laugh no more at Cuckold's- 
haven- friend Security. 

Sec I have done, I have done, farewel. [Exeunt. 



- H;O io sno zi 



SCENE 



40 OLD CITY MANNERS. 



SCENE changes to .another Room in the 
Tavern. 

SEAGULL, SPENDALL, SCAPETHRIFT, QUICKSILVER, 
and other 'S, difcovefd drinking, -with the Drawer 
waiting. 

Scape. Come, Drawer, peirce your neateft hogfhead, 
and let us have cheer fie for our noble Colonel he 
will be here inftantly. 

Draw. Pleafe you to have any more wine, Sir ? 

Spend. More wine, Slav ? whether we drink it or 
not, fpill and draw more. 

Enter PETRONEL. 

Pet. Well met, my noble friends. 

Sea. Come, noble Colonel, take your feat. 

Pet. Come, let us drink one health ; the tide will 
be ready, and we {hall have a pretty wench that will 
bear us company in our voyage. 

Sea. Whoever me be, here's to her health, noble 
Colonel. 

Pet. Thanks kind. Captain Seagull , (he is one I 
love dearly, and rnuft not be known 'till we are free 
from all that know us, and fo gentlemen here is her 
health. 

Quick. One glafs mort a fong from Captain Sea- 
gull, and then Eaflward hoh ! my boys ! 

. 



SONG, 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 4? 

SEAGULL. 

Pufh the jovial bowl about, 
E'er we part, we'll fee it out, 

And wit and mirth /ball reign, boys ; 
Many cares, we all may know, 
And many bard/hips undergo. 

Before we meet again, boys. 

CHORUS. 

Tet band in band, 

By fea or land, 
When met we'll fing and roar, 

And left our joy, 

Dull thoughts deftrcy, 
We'll laugh and fing no more. 

North or South, or Eaft or Weft, 
We'll have liquor of the left-, 

For wherefoe'er we're bound, boys ; 
In the bowl our joys fli all fwiw, 
And while we fill it to the brim, 

<Ibty ne'er can run a ground, boys. 
CHORUS. Yet hand in hand, &c. 

Life is like the prefent hour, 

Marked with blended, fweet and four, 

Our timefies faift along, boys -, 
Like a bowl of punch is man, 
And now dif cover, if you can, 

The moral of my foug, boys. 
CHORUS. Yet hand in hand, &c. 

End of tbe THIRD ACT. 
G 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 

A r^ T* t\T 

j\ Vj. 1 lYfKxi 



. j ' Jiiw { n& ^ 

SCENE, CAPPING. 

- 
Enter a 



"3D ^Jjn iJO.'i liuT 

Watermtto* iiw 



Wr> o ?>in ito -3 .. t sa n 

HAT an oaf was i, for the lucre of a little 
gain, to take thole madmen into cny boat fuch a 
tempeftuckis 'night. I have rowed in the Thames, 
man ahd boy thefe 'twenty years, and ncvtr encoun- 
tered fucli a gale before. Heaven knows if any of 
tl f m cfcaped, but the poor young woman whom I 
took care o, bcdatife" as w^y, it grieVcs ftie to fee any 
of their iielpie^ kind in troubler-lb, fere ihe conies. 


Enter WINIFRED. ?3ifatnftef 

My Wapping friend has comforted her, and dried hef 
cloaths I fee. Well, gentlewoman, I can b^ar no 
t--'.'iip:s yet of your companions 9 tmt I hope and 
believe they have efcaped as well as we. 

Win. Pray heaven they may, to fed, as I do, the 
wholfonie flings of ccmfcieiice, and repent, 

H^t. Shall we* go in Feiarch of them, madam ? 

Win. Oh, no. Living or dead, I will never fee 
t.iem more: This ftorm which has wreck'd their 
hopes, has preferved me from actual guilt, therefore 
J am bound to blels it! My kind preferver, you 

mu ft 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 



mud now aSift me to get fame conveyance to sr.y own 
limife, and till ray gratitude can reward thee furthe?, 
accept this purfe. 

Wat. Ha, ton^haJf thisJbrn Lwow Id venture another 
clucking corfceVV ** ^ a liberai-ihmded gentkwo 
and 1 witt fee you fere in a coach. 
Doib^ then leave me to my fortune. 
VI i *1 *l K ^ [gxetatt. 



Accu?s*d that ever I was born I Qh ? wbfch 
way iball 1 bead ray deiperate fteps, where miiery and 
jQiame will not attend them? 1 wiU wa\k this bank, 
and fee if 1 can sneet the other relkrks of oiy poor 
Ibtpwrec^d crew. The K.iiight, alas \ was to far 
gosse with wine* as were the other thm^ that 1 refus'd 
tiieir boar^ asai took tfce hapfeis woaiau in aoctherj, who 
.caacot |)t be funk, ..whatever fortune hath wrought 
lipcn tha others dejperase iives. 



Pef. Zoirnds* Captsir?, I tell tfceewearectftupon 
tfet coaA ef Frai^ce pofic Femeiiaber ^hei^ we were 

k nigfet ? 

i'f^. No., faith, notli bwrmethmks we have been 
3 lio-rribk v/h! . ^aser, arid m she water. 

Paf. Uritior^for eve? ' H;^t any rr^aey about their ? 

4 >^.j. Not 

-I' 5 -. ::wee tis,, and call afhore ca 

tntcoa^ of 4 France, 

4Sft2 Tfce coas*' of "France * it ?n;ty be &>, neit!;cr 
sny braias, aei my eye?, ape ;?>y own yet, . 

Ptf/.. \Sfoot, ulk not beikvc- me, I knov? by the 
tfcva'Qon 'f ?he po^e> and ?he altitude, and ki: 
^f the: cHm^e^"Who J s there ^ 



44 OLD CITY MANNERS. 
Enter QUICKSILVER. 

*ttn f?I flrtgbol W(i qt/ 334L1 O1 OfcT^. 2W 15i 

Knight! 

What my dear Frank Quickfilver ! doft 
thou furvive to rejoice me ? bur, what, nobody 
at thy heels, Frank ? Alas ! what is become of poor 
Mrs. Security ? 

'Quick. Faith, quite gone from her name, as me' 
was from her fame, I think---! left her to the 
mercy of the waves. 

Sea. Well, well, me is provided for Come, I 
perceive where we are now ; let us go to our mip at 
Blackwall, and fhift us. 

Pet. What will become of me ? the laft money J 
could make, the greedy waves have devour'd, and if 
our mip be feiz'd, there is no hope can' relieve us. 

Quick. 'Sfoot, Knight, what an unknightly faint- 
nefs poflefleth thee \ I' hope I have feme tricks yet in 
this brain of mine that will not fuffer us to .perifti. 

Sea. Well faid, my nimble fpirit of Quickfilver ; 
I wifh thou hadft been our Colonel. 

Quick. Come, we have fainted the proud air long 
enough with our barefconces, let us buck to London; 
I have a friend there that will flicker us, 'till we fee 

what fortunes the (bars will afllgn us. [Exeunt. 
I "fbirfw ri tnsw 5rt3 1o nsrhT^M/V srto bn 

vjjjq^Q 2t(i 3m un 
SCENE changes to TOUCHSTONE^ Houfe. 

Amimbfi rljfio ns b^d aycfi I aoclq rfajHw-rtl .V>U\) 
Enter TOUCHSTO^. JW \ ^^ ^n o* 

Js ')"idfn5,3rr "3l JiolvaaEHl 

Touch. Ha, ha-! does my Knight- ad venturer think 

we ken no point of the compals ? Well, my errant 
Sir Flam, and my runnagatc Quickfilver, there's 
that gone before that will fpoil your voyage My 
daughter, his Lady, was fent Eaftward, by land, to 

a cat 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 45 

a caftle in the air, in what .region I know not, and, 
as I hear, was glad to take up her lodging in her 
coach ; fhe, and her two waiting women, her maid 
and her mother, like three- fnails in a meli-- 
fines :hn.t they have all found their way back again 
by Weeping-crois but Pli not fee them ; and for 
two of the ai, Madam and her malkin, they are like 
to bite the bridle for me iafhou'd my dame Touch- 
ftone too, but the has been my crofs thefe thirty years, 
anJ 1'il now keep her to fright away fprights, i'faith. 
Buc I wonder I have no news of my fon Go;ding~-he 
was fent for to Guildhall this morning early, and 
I marvel at the matter if I had not laid up hope 
and comfort in him, I fhou'd grow defperate of all. 
Here he comes, how now, Son? What news at the 
Court of Aldermen ? 

Enter GOLDING. 

Gold. An accident, fomewhat ftrange, I think. 

touch. What! it is not borrowing of money, then? 

Gold. No, Sir, it hath pleafed the worfhipful com- 
moners of the city to take me in one of their number 
at the prefentation of. the inqueft. 

touch. Hah! 

Gold. And the Alderman of the ward in which I 
dwell, to appoint me his Deputy. 

touch. How! 

Gold. In which place I have had an oath adminifter'd 
to me fmce I went. 

touch. Now, my dear and happy fon, let me embrace 
thee go on, go on to thrive and profper, and as this 
is the firft, fo eileem it the leaft ftep to that high and 
prime honour that awaits thee. 

Gold. Sir, as I was not ambitious of this, fo I 
court no higher placeand I hope my condud in 

this, 



GL.D1 CITT MANNERS 

or any octar office^ will add worth to. it, rathe? 
than -.dignity to me. 

fduch. J^jceeiJeatly faid this- rncdtft sn-fwer c" 
shine biufaes.as if klaid I will wearfcarkt ihortly t . 

Gold.. But I have other news for you, Sir*, the? 
Knight,. utvd: a& hi*, co-mpa-ny^ pasting off drunk; 
from BJUingfgate in; a: boat,, iate l^ft night,, wete 
this fide Greenwich-, arid marrow -ly ^fc 
and as 1 _have intelligence by a alf 
ar.e come .jdripping to- tav/n.. 

A mirasle! she jafiico of h^^ib^ 
are they ? lee us. gapi?cfe:vdy aiid la./ tic for 

Gold.. I lia.ve- done tliat already, Sir,, br>th by conr 
Sables and other officers,, wi^wiU.tal/Le rhenias thdr 
.old. haunxsy under eofoiir of a ,-hpt prefs^ tl>ac. is- BOW- 
abroad,, andit-hey wilt foe brought, be^^orc^ot^ 

*ouch:. Prudent and- politick fon ! do- na-t {pare- 
tlkm Haw to Ep^wifltt it: SaUs; out that: thoa Ivail the 
ffice of a j-uft-ice trpoa them rbe fcyere tct-tLy place,.. 
Eke: new ofii-ccr of the \firH quarKF M^ye. you 
heard how mr Bcw.-ra-aitie- .Lady is, conte- kuck witlx 
laer train fyom th,:nvi.blecaiiic = 

G^L Lvo, Wl^reiaflbe? 

Teuek* Here, in, .tny ixoujc-j but I &TC > not.&ea 
ficryet nor her wiotiwr, who. now begins tawifli her 
.SdaugB&eir uad.ub'd, ihey lay, and slvst ihe b^d 
a. foot pace with her .fito^. Kerc ^1-^y come... 



Enter Jsfe ToitreHSTOKE, 



* WYK your LadyiHp- Tr-To 
ffikip. is welcome from your enh?iaced--.caliic, to azre 
.jrour air and wife retintue. | hear yoiw 
errant is. iravcllpd ga ilrange ' 



OLD C'lTf MANNER'S, 47 

srry -mind, -yoiar Ladyship -fcath'Sfti'd Ikk and caurgbc 
aicog, astfee&yiagis. 

M-.T. fftufb. -Speak to yoor father, Madam, ana 
kneel -down. 

t?5r. Kneel * \ am not a fcaVy 1 arrci I knew -better 
v/h*.t becomes niy dignity, Thu* my Knight -is .gone 
off, and' has fold my-drate, I am a Lady Itill. 

Yeur Ladyiliip is in the right, -Madam? 
is fitter, and a -greater decor am, that I fkould 
bow to you, who are a Knight's wife, and a -Lady, 
chao you tc ber.d your knees to ac^ wii am ofily * 
itradefman, -and your father. 

Ger. Very well. 

Mrs. <Tourb. Oh, cfail, 

tfwb. 'And, there^jr^, I do defirc your Lady (hip, 
my good JLady Fialh, in all .humility to ieavc my 
obfciire cottage, and return in xjuclJ: of your bright 
and your airy caftle; and .as for one poo-r woman of 
yowr tram diere, i wiiA take care that ihe 'ihali 
loager be a charge to you, 

Ger. Marry, I thought ss Ttiifch ? ' Come away, 
Sy ndefy, this is all the courtefy we are like to Sad here., 

ML Oh, goodfifteri 

Ger. SifterT Yo .are very familiar, roethkks; 
know your diftance, 

Fig.' Shdl I not have the -hcmotrr, Madsin^ to 
ferve yonr houfewith grocery ware, and to drink- a 
glafs of wine with your butler, at yourcaftk ? Your 
Lady'ftiip promis'd me your cuftom, you know. 

Gtr. 'ImpcfrinOTt! 

Gold. Ohl Madam, fair words never hurt thetoagtae,, 

Ger. What 1 you come out with your gold, 
ends, now. 

"'*' Teucb. A)f, good Madam; and here is another 
for you---you went widefs to \vcddir,g, and you may- 
go wifely to begging-^thererore, Ladv- Fhfh, 7011, 

and 



48 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

and your damfH here, pleafe ye to let us fee your 
ftrait backs, for truly there is no room for fuch 
chickens as you are, or birds of your feather, an it 
like your Ladymip. 

Mrs. Touch. Stay, Lady daughter good hufband. 

Vouch. Wife, no man Joves his fetters, tho' they 
be made of gold ; my child wou'd invert the order 
of nature, and inftead of obeying wou'd rule her 
father, but poverty is a great tamer , of pride, me 
will be the better for it , me has fome jewels ftill, fhe 
reed not care for her relations -, when they are fold, 
and the money fpent, perhaps we Ihall return into the 
lift of her acquaintance. 

Ger. I fcorn it- -Come, Syn. 

[Exit Gertrude and Syndefy. 

Mrs. Touch. Oh ! Madam ! why do you provoke 
your father thus ? 

Enter Conilable, and wbijpers GOLDING. 

Touch Nay, nay, e'en let pride go before, 
fhamc will follow after, I warrant you j come, why 
doftlweep now ? 

Gold. Sir, the Knight and your 'prentice are with- 
out, wou'd you have them brought in ? 

Touch. Certainly , and here is a chair ; appear ter- 
rible to them on the firft interview -, let them behold 
the melancholy aufterity of a magiftrate, and tafte 
the fury of a citizen in office. Women, leave the 
room. . [Exit women. 

Gold. But, Sir, I can do nothing to them unlefs 
you charge them with ibmewhat. 

Touch. I will charge them, and recharge them, 
and overcharge them, and fire 'em off too, rather 

than authority ihall be foil'd. 
3vxd 

i 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 4$ 

Enter QUICKSILVER, Sir PETRONEL, Conffable and 

other Officers. 

Quick. Oh ! my fhame, would I had been tuck'd 
up at Wapping. 

Pet. Is that 'fellow Golding to fit upon us ? 

Con. You might carry a Mr. under your girdle to 
Mr. Deputy's worfhip. 

Gold. What are thole, Mr. Conftable ? 

Con. Pleafe your worfhip a couple of maflerlefs 
men, v* horn I have prefs'd for failors. 

Gold. Why do you not carry them to Bridewell, 
according to your orders ? 

Con. Pleafe your worfhip, one of them fays he is 
a Knight, therefore we thought good to bring him 
before your worfhip. 

Gold. Which is he ? 

Con. This, Sir. 

Pet* Yes, Sir; let that knowledge ,and my ap- 
pearance give you caution. 

Gold. Juftice is blind to appearances and what is 
the other ? 

Con. A Knight's companion, Sir, an it pleafe you, 

Gold. What are their names, fay they. 

Con. This calls himfelf Sir Petronel Flam. 

Touch. How! 

Con. And this Francis Quickfilver. 

Touch. Is it poflible ? I thought your worfhip had 
been fail'd. to the -Eaft Indies, Sir. Your worlhip 
has made a quick return it feems, and no doubt a 
good -voyage. 

Pet. Go on, Sir where folly is triumphant, 
wifdom is filent. 

Touch. Methinks I have feen this gentlenian'befdre. 

Good Mr. Quickfilver, how a degree to the South- 

H ward 



5 o o i, D c i r Y ivr A N N E R s. 

ward has alter'd you. Mr. Depury, I charge this 
gallant, Mr. Quickfilver, on fufpicion of felony, 
and the Knight with being acceflary to the receiving 
my goods. 

gtilfk. Oh ! good Sir ! 

Touch. Hold thy peace, impudent varlet, hold 
thy pc-acc Dots not the fight of this man's temper 
and fortune con-ound thee? who was the younger 
'prentice, and now come to have the place of a judge 
upon thee doit thou obferve this ? Which of all 
thy gallants and garndters, thy fwearers and fwag- 
gerers will come now to moan thy misfortunes or 
pity thy penury ? they will look ouc of a window as 
thou ridcil in triumph to Tyburn, and cry yonder 
goes poor Frank Qukkfiiver, and then take the other 
glafs. Ah, wretch ! the clew of thy knavery hath 
at laft brought thee weeping to the cart of calamity. 

Quick. Good Matter 

Touch. Offer not to fpeak, crocodile ! I will not 
heflr a word Mr. Deputy, pray commit them to fafe 
cuftody. 

<j$iiick. What a wretch have I made myfelf ! 

Pet. What do you whimper and flinch, coward ! 
I am amam'd of your company. 

Quick. And, truly, fo a:n 1 of yours. 

Touch. Mr. Deputy, you will difpofeof thefe-, in 
the mean time I will to my Lord Mayor, and get his 
warrant to feizethat ferpent, Security, into my nands, 
and leal up both houfe and goods to the King's ufe, 
and my fatisfk&toh ; he has been the plotter of all 
this, he was their chief engine: Now, fon, come 
over him with fome fine faying. 
' Gold. Francis Quickfilver, 'tis with forrow I fee 
thee thus, and 'tis with pain I fpeak to thee thus, 
but I mufttell thee, Francis, thou haftfhewn mani- 
feft figns of an ill difpofition, and fuch pride and dif- 

obedience 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 51 

obedience are juftly punifhed with the fcorn and in- 
famy, that now await thee. 

<$uick. What have I ioft by not following thy 
example 1 

Cold. And what have you to fay, Sir Knight ? 

Pet. This I fay when inch as you are to fit in a 
chair of judgment, and be call'd worihipfui, and {"iich 
as I to ftand bare headed before you I MI ay 'fay 
with the poet *' Chaos is come again !" 

Gold. Poetical fiction, and all other fiction muft 
yield to juftice. Where is the jailor, Mr. Wolf, I 
fent for him. 

Con. He is here, Sir. 

Enter Wo L F. 

Gold. Here, Mr. Wolf, take into your cuftcdy 
this Knight, and this young man, 

Wolf. The Knight ! What my old acquaintance. 
Knight I aye the Knight of the difmal countenance I 
When I had the honour to have you for a lodger laft, 
Sir, you wore regimentals, and call'd yourfelf Captain. 

Gold. And do you know him then ? 

Wolf. Yes, pleafe your worfhip, I know him for 
a very clever knave, one who has had the wit to 
efcape the gallows more than once It is not more 
than fix months fmce I had him 'in cuftody, for rob- 
bing his wife's uncle. 

Touch. His wife's uncle ! 

Wolf. Yes, Sir, an honeft Inn- keeper, at Mile- 
End, whofe niece fell in 'love with his red coat, and 
title of Captain, and married him ; the rogue fpent 
her little fortune in a few weeks, and then found 
means to carry off plate and cam of her uncle's to a 
confiderable amount, for which he was taken up and 
Jodg'd with me. But the kind hearted foul, his 
H 2 wife 



5 2 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

wife, prevailed upon her uncle to have mercy on 
him, and fo he got off for that time. 

'Touch. Away with him, Mr. Wolf my eyes ake 
at beholding him Take away your prifoners, I fay. 

Gold. Officers, take them to prifon. 

Pet. Then all is over. 

<j)uick. Yet, yet relent, good matter. 

Touch. Away ! now fee the progrefs of your vicious 
habits. Of (loth cometh riot ; of riot comes raking -, 
of raking comes extravagance ; of extravagance, 
want ; of want comes theft ; of theft comes hang- 
ingand there is my Quickfilver fixed. [Exeunt* 



End of the FOURTH ACT. 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 53 



ACT V. S C E N E I. 



An Apartment meanly furnijKd. 

Enter GERTRUDE and SYNDEFY. 
Gertrude. 

\^^ O news yet of my jewels ? 

Syn. Alas ! no, Madam ! The rogue cf a jevr 
whom you employ'd to fell them for you, is in Hol- 
land by this time, no doubt. 

Ger. What will become of us ? Ah ! Syn. haft 
thou ever read in the Chronicle, of any Lady and 
her waiting woman driven to the extremity we are in ? 

Syn. Not I, truly, Madam ; and if I had, it would 
be but cold comfort that could come from books now. 

Ger. Why truly, Syn. I cou'd dine on a lament- 
able ftory, now Can'ft thou not tell me one, Syn ? 

Syn, None but mine own, Madam, which is la- 
mentable enough firft to be flolen from my friends, 
who were of good repute in the country, by a 'pren- 
tice, in the difguife of a gentleman, and brought up 
to London here, and promifed marriage, and now 
likely to be forfaken, for he is in a poflibility to be 
hang'd. 

Ger. Nay, weep not, Syn. my Knight is in as good 
a poflibility as he ; but he is well enough ferv'd, that 
as loon as he got my hand to the file of my inherit- 
ance. 



54 O L D C I T Y M A N N E R S. 

ance, could run away and leave me to poverty and 
difgrace. But have you no meffage from my mother, 
rtor any of my old acquaintance, whom I fent you to? 

Sya. I could not get to the fpeech of your mother, 
Madam-, as fo r your old acquaintance, I had a great 
deal of good counfel from them, and Ibme offers 
of fcrvice. 

Ger. Good counfel, and offers of fen'ice well, 
we muft take the one with the other. What were 
their offers, pray ? 

Syn. One offer'd to employ you as a mantua-maker, 
if you wou'd learn the buiinefs another laid, you 
might gain a pretty livelihood by wafhing point 
Jaces, and me wou'd recommend you to customers ; 
and a third , 

Ger. Ah ! no more of this J amjuftly punifh'd, 
I corjfefs I wou'd be a Lady, but I am not the 
only tradefman's daughter who is 1 born with that ap- 
petite many in the city have the fame longing, 
I believe What is now to be done? Shall I fue 
humbly to my filler Gojding for protection, and live 
a dependant upon her bounty ? that fifler whole de- 
cent manners and modeft ambition I defpis'd Ah ! 
Syn. Syn. pride, as I juft now read in a book, is 
ever producing its mortifying contrary. 

Syn. (looking out.) I prQteft, Madam, here is your 
fitter come to vifit you. 

Ger. My filter ! what can her vifit mean ? 

Enter MILDRED. 

Are you come to infult me too, fitter Mil ? 

Mil. Heaven forbid' If your misfortunes have 
made you reafonable, I come to comfort you. 

Ger. (Jigbing.} And I am fure I am in great need 
of comfort Have you then any good news for me, 
fitter? 

Mil. 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 55 

Mil I have. 

Ger. What? Speak quickly ! 

Mil. Firft, then, you are 'no Lady. 

Ger. So. 

Mil. You do not feem to reiifh this beginning, fifter ? 

Ger. "Why it is a little bitter to the palate, but for 
all that, it may be very wholdbrr-e. 

Mil. I am glad to hear you lay fo. 

Ger. But how does this happen ? my Knight is 
no Knight, I fuppofe. 

Mil. Even fo he made bold with his mailer's 
title to catch you, fifter. 

Ger. Oh ! my mame ! the wife of a vile impoflor I 

Mfl. Not fo, neither; for you have no hulband. 

Ger. How ! 

Mil. He has another wife who has a better claim 
to him, which I fancy you are not willing to difpute 
with her, fifter. 

Gey. Another wife ! then I am free Oh ! fifter 
Mil. how Hull I thank thee for this good news. 

Mil. Sifter, we women are faid to be fond of what- 
ever is dear bought. Cherim your experience then, 
which you have purchas'd with the lofs of your for- 
tune, and thank he iven it is no worie. 

Ger Might 1 but hope for my father's forgivcnefs. 

Mil. I can^e to bring you to him. 

Ger. Oh( Mildred! how does this goodnefs re- 
proach rne ? Let rr.e be but once more fhelter'd under 
my father's bofpitable roof, and my future conduct 
thall convince him, that calamity has not been 
tiiro\vn away upon me. 
. [ Exit Mildred, Gertrude^ and Syndefy, 



SCENE 



56 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

SCENE II. A Room in T o u c H- 

s T o N E 'j- Houfe. 

Enter TOUCHSTONE, GOLDINO, and WOLF. 

Touch I will receive no letters from your prifoners, 
Mr. Wolf. 

G'tld. Good father, let me entreat you. 

Touch. Son Golding, I will not be tempted -, I 
know my own eafy nature, and I know what a well- 
pen'd fubtle letter may work upon it there may be 
tricks packing, do you fee return with your 
packet, Sir. 

Wolf. Believe me, Sir, you need fear no packing 
here thcfe are fubmiffive letters, 

Touch. Sir, I look for no fubmifTions I will, in 
this affair, b-rar mytelf 1'ke blind juilicc- -work upon 
that now when the leflions come they mall hear 
from me. 

Gold' From whom come your letters, Mr. Wolf? 

Wolf. Pleafc you, Sir, one from Francis Quick- 
fiiver, and another from old Security, who is almoft 
mad in prilbn : as for the impoftor, Petronel, he is 
jemov'd to York Jail to take his trial at the affixes 
there for robbing his late mailer, whole title he affum'd. 
Here is a letter to your worihip, likewife, Mr. De- 
puty, from Quickillvcr. 

Gold. Give me that. 

Touch. I am furpriz'd, Mr. Wolf, at your taking 
fo much pains in this affair, fo contrary to the nature 
and ufagf of your place. 

Wclf Sir, my office has not harden'd my temper 
againlt the feelings of humanity; but I do not re- 
insrnber diac I was ever fo much inov'd with the dif- 

courf 



OLDCITY MANNERS. 57 

courfe and behaviour of any of my prffqners, as 
with Francis Quickfilver. 

Gold. In good faith, Sir, there is a great deal of 
humility in this letter. 

Wolf. Humility, Sir ? Aye, were your worfhip an 
eye witneis of it, you would be aftonifh'd. I never 
knew a man more penitent or more devout he will 
fit you up all night finging of pfalnis, and edifying 
the whole prifon. 

Touch. Is he fo penitent, then ? 

Wolf. 1 never knew his like he is fo well difpos'd, 
and has fuch godly gifts he can tell you almoft ail 
the fcories of the Book of Martyrs, and fpeak you 
all the Sick Man's Salve, out of book. 

'Touch. Aye, if he had grace, he was brought up 
where it grew, Mr. Wolf. 

Wolf. And he has converted one Fang, a Bailiff, 
a fellow cou'd neither write nor read, and he was 
call'd the Ban-dog of the prifon, and he has brought 
him already to par* his nails and to fay his prayers, 
and 'tis hoped he will fell his place ihortly, and be- 
come thoroughly reform'd, and be an excifeman. 

Touch. No more , I am coming already If I 
liften to you any longer I mail be taken Farewel, 
good Mr. Wolf Son do not importune me, I feel 
my own weakneis Pity is a rheum that I am fubject 
to, but I will refift it. Mr. Wolf, tell hypocrify it 
will not do I have touch'd and tried too often I 
am yet proof, and I will remain fo When the fef- 
fions come they (ball hear from me in the mean 
time, to all fuits, to all entreaties, t all letters, to 
all tricks, I will be deaf as an adder, and blind as 
a beetle lay mine ear to the ground, and lock mine 
eyes in mine hand, againit all temptations work u^on 
tbat now. [Exit Touchjione, 

n > I j: 

I l)*iUi9<i Gtfd. 

. jb 



5 S OI,D CITY MANNERS. 

Gold. Mr. Wolf, you fee how inexorable he is \ 
there is little hope of prevailing with him to alter 
his refolution Pray commend me to Quickfilver, 
my fellow-'prentice once prefent him this purfe, 
and tell him I wifh I cou'd ferve him moreerRctually. 
Yet, defperate as his cafe feems, I will exert my 
utmoft jpower for him ; and, Sir, as far as I have 
any credit with you let him not want any thing 
tho* I am not ambitious he fhou'd know fo.much. 

Wolf. Both your actions and your words fpeak 
you to be a real gentleman \ he mail know only 

what is fit and no more. '[Exeunt. 

\\ 3fn m } 

SCENE tie PRISON. 

Enter HOLDFAST, BRAMBLE and SECURITY. 

Hold. Who wou'd you fpeak with, Sir ? 

Bram. With Mr. Security, who is prifoner here. 

Hold. Stay here, Sir ; I will call him to you 
Mr. Security, here is a gentleman wou'd fpeak 
with you. 

Sec. Who is he ? Is it one that grafts my forehead 
now I am in prifon, and conies to fee how the horns 
Ihoot np and proiper ? What fay you to me, Sir ? 
How! my learned council, Mr. Bramble When 
faw you my wife? Oh ! that ever I war, married. 

Bram. Your head ftill runs on Cuckold's-haven, I 
perceive It wou'd be my turn to laugh, Mr. Security, 
but I really pity you, and am come at the defire of 
your wife to enquire of you your cafe, vhat we may 
fall upon fome method to releafe you. 

Sec, My cafe, Mr. Bramble, is ftone walls and 
iron grates, as you fee. 

Bram. But what are you in for, Sir? 

Sec. For my fins, for my fins, Sir; whereof mar- 
riage is the greateft. 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 59 

Enter QUICKSILVER. 

Quick. Go in and talk with him, Mr. Bramble 5 
his mind is much difturbed. 

Bram. Aye, aye, come in with me, Mr. Security, 
and we will devifc fome means to releafe you. 

Sec. Releafe me, from what ? can you releafe me 
from fhame, infamy, horns, horns, horns ? [Exit. 

Bram. 'Twas a crop of your ovrn fowing arid you 
ought to keep 'em Eh ! Quickfilver ? 

^uick. Away ' infult him not I heartily repent 
the part I took in the injury that was intended him- 
for no injury has been done her. 

Bram. More's the pity the evil he meant his 
neighbour mould have lighted upon his own head 

[Exit Bramble. 

Enter WOLF. 

Quick. Well, Mr. Wolf, what news ? what anfwer 
do you bring from my matter ? 

Wolf. Faith, very bad-, he will receive no letters ' 
he fays the feffions ihall determine but Mr. Deputy 
Golding commends him td you, and with this token 
wiihes he cou'd do you any iervice. 

Qgick. Then all is over Diftribute the money 
among the priibners, Mr. Wolf, and defire them to 
pray for me. 

r rJ 

Enter HOLDFAST. 

Hold. Here is one wou'd fpeak with you, Sir. 
Wolf. Who is it ? 

Hold. A gentleman that will not he feen, Sir. 
Wolf. Shew me to him. - [Exeunt. 



SCENE 



*o OLD CITY MANNERS. 

SCENE changes to TOUCHSTONE 's Houfe, 

Enter TOUCHSTONE, Mrs. TOUCHSTONE, GERTRUDE, 
MILDRED, arid SYNDEFY. 

Touch. I will fail by you, and not hear you, like 
the wife UlyiTes. 

Mil. Dear father! 

Mrs. Touch. Huiband ! 

Syn. Sir, Mr. Touchftone ! 

Touch. Away, Syrens ! I will immure myfelf 
againft your cries, and lock myfelf up to your la- 
mentations. 

Mrs. Touch. Dear hufband, hear me. 

Ger. Let not me be the only one that mall rejoice 
in your clemency my offence was greater than that 
of your 'prentice -, I fmn'd againft a father, yet you 
forgave me. 

Syn. Pray good dear Sir, be merciful. 

Touch. I am deaf ; I do not hear you ; I have 
ftopp'd my ears, and drank Lethe and Mandragora 
to forget you ; all you fpeak to me I commit to 
the air. 

Enter WOLF. 

Mil Mr. Wolf, alas ! we cannot prevail. 

Wolf. Where is Mr. Touchftone ? I muft fpeak 
with him inftantly. 

ML What is the matter, Sir ? Your looks and 
hafte alarm me. 

Wolf. Mr. Deputy Golding is arrefted, and defires 
to fee your father immediately. 

Mil. Oh, heavens ! Father do you hear ? 

Touch. Tricks, tricks, confederacy, tricks, I have 
them in my nofe, I fcent them. 

Mrs. Touch. Why here is Mr. Wolf himfelf, hufband. 

ML 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 6r 

Mil. Dear father hear his mefifage. 

Touch. I am deaf ftill, I fay I will neither yield 
to the fong of the Syren, nor the voice of the Hyasna; 
the tears of the Crocodile, nor the howlings of 4 
Wolf Avoid my habitation, monflers. 

Wolf. What ftrange humour is this ? Pray look 
here, Sir ; examine the token 1 have brought. 

Touch. Ha ! what token ? 

Wolf. Do you know it, Sir ? 

Touch. My fon Golding' s ring! Can this be true, 
Mr. Wolf. 

Wolf. By my faith, Sir, he is in priibn, and re- 
quired me to ufe all fpeed and fecrecy to you. 

Touch. My cloak there I am plagu'd for my au- 
fterity What, my ion Golding arrefied ! is he an 
unthrift too? My cloak I fay he whom I thought 
fo wile fo provident, for whom I predicted fuch 
great things Is all my fagacity come to this? all 
my hopes of happinefs a bubble? So, fo I mall be 
pointed at for a fcol, a dupe -Arrefted ! at whole 
fuit, Mr. Wolf ! Tell me, tell me I mall go mad ! 

Woif. I will tell you. as we go, Sir. 

Touch. This is the completion of my mifery . 
Come along, come along, 

{Exit Touchjlone and Wolf. 

Wolf, (returning] Do not be alarm'd, good Mrs. 
Touchftone, and you fair gentlewoman Itay let me 
fee if he is within hearing- No, no, he is plodding 
on all is well I affure you Mr. Deputy's worfhip 
contriv'd this ftratagem himfelf, to bring his father 
to the prifon, that with his own eyes he might be- 
hold the contritt, behaviour of his poor 'prentice, 
Quickfilver, whofe deep and unfeigned repentance 
deierves to find mercy. I muft hafte and overtake 
him. Mafter Golding intreats you all to follow, 

and 



62 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

and join your intreaties to his but I muft hafte after 
him. [Exit, 

Mrs. Touch. Moft willingly, Mr. Wolf Come, 
daughters; come, Syndefy, this is your concern I 
am fure. {Exeunt Mrs. T'oucbftone, fcff . 

SCENE the PRISON. 

Enter GOLDING and one of tbs Turnkeys. 

Gold. Who is that young man who looks fo me- 
lancholly ? 

Turn. Why, Sir, that was the gallant 'prentice, 
young Quickfilver, Mr. Touchftone's 'prentice. 

Gold. Is that he ? They lay he has been a galant, 
indeed. - 

T'urn. Aye, Sir-, he would play you away his 
hundred pounds at dice at a fitting j kept Lords 
and Knights company, had his hunting nag, and his 
wench, and wore lace and embroidery. 

Gold. He makes a miferable appearance now. 
Turn. That is his choice he gave away all his 
fine cloaths among the prifoners as foon as he came 
here Alas ! he has no hope of life, 'therefore he 
mortifies himfelf he does but linger on 'till the 
fcffionscome. 

Gold. Poor wretch ! I pity him. 
Turn. Oh! he's a rare young man, Sir! He has 
penn-'d the bed thing you ever heard ; he calls it his 
repentance, or his laft farewel to be" fure he is a 
great poet, and for petitions, you would wonder how 
many prifoners he has help'tl out with penning them. 
But here comes my mailer your humble fervant, 
Sir. [Exit T'urn. 



>>tYY<"flJr 

Enter 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 63 

Enter TOUCHSTONE and WOLF, 

, 

Touch. Where, where, is my Ton ? -Oh, Golding ! 
is this a place to find you, in ? 

Gold. Pardon me, dear father, yon fee me here 
indeed, but I am free as you are : I had no other way 
ro engage your companion for poor Quickfilver, 
whofe remorie were you to be witnefs of 

Touch. How ! and this was a trick, was it ? I am 
glad of it, and pardon you with all my foul. 

(embracing kirn. 

But your trick mail not ferve no, no, I am not to be 
caught fo here, Mr. Wolfe, let me out again in- 
ftantly let me out I fay But who is that ? 

(looking back. 

Gold. Don't you know him, father ? 

Touch. Ha ! what is that wretched creature my 
'prentice ? 

Wolf. Good Sir, good Mr. Deputy, ftand afide a 
little and obferve him. 
' 

Enter QUICKSILTER, and BRAMBLE. 

Quick. Pray, Mr. Bramble, trouble me no more 
with your winding devices, I have deferv'd to fuffer, 
and if it be riiy.mafter's will, to pulh my punifhment 
as far as my offence will bear, 1 will endeavour to en- 
dure my lot with patience. 

Tench. That's ibmething yet. 

Quick. Sir, it is all the teftimony I mall leave be- 
hind me to the world and my mafter, whom I have fo 
greatly offended 

Tauch. He weeps too ! 

Quick. I am no poet, Sir, as the fimplicity of thefe 
poor verfes will fhew ; but to thole, for whofe ufe 
they are defign'd, they will be good enough, if they 
paint my vices, and the fatal confequences of them. 

Bram. 



64 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

Bram. Pray, let's hear them. 

Quick. In Cheapfide, famous for gold and plate, 
/, Quick/Over i did dwell of late : 
I had a mafte*; good and kind, 
'That wou"d have wrought me to his mind : 
He bad meftill work upon that ; 
But) alas ! I wrought I know not what ! 
He was a I'ouchftone^ black^ but true ; 
And told mcftiti what would enfue ; 
But he his wifdom found at laft^ 
Was on the barren waters caft. 

tfouch. I hope not, I hope not. (afide. 

Quick. I threw my fit attire away, 
And went in ftlk and fat tins gay ; 
In guilty pleafures, 7, byftealth, 
Wafted my wafer's well-ear rid wealth. 

tfouch. This penitence cannot be feign'd heaven 
pardon me, I have been too fevere. 

Quick. But floaine and for row feiz'd mefoon, 

My morn of life, is turned to noon : ;o^ 

New cry J, Toucbjlcne touch meftill, 
And make me current by thyjkill 

Tcuc.b. And fo I will, I will, my poor penitent. 

Quick. My mafter here he weeps the honeft man ! 
my guilt confounds me I cannot fpeak to him. 

Touch. Son Golding, and Mr. Wolf, \ thank you 
both for the friendly deceit you have ufed Quick- 
filvcr, thou haft eat into my breaft, Quickfilver, with 
the drops of thy forrow, and kilFd the defp^rate 
opinion I had of thy reformation. 

Quick. Oh, Sir, I am not worthy to look on you. 

^ouch. Say no more, I am fatisfied, and here my 
word mail releafe you rMr. Wolf, I am his bail. 

Gold. Now, Sir, you aft like yourfelf. We mould 
try and judge a criminal indeed with impartial ftricl- 

fiefs, 



OLD CITY MANNERS. 65 

refs, but penitence, if it is fincere, tho* it ought not 
to alter the ballance, may ftop the fword of Juitice. 

Sec. (within} Mr. Touchitone ! Mr. Touchftone ! 

Touch. Who is that ? 

Wolf. Mr. Security, Sir. 

Touch. Bring him here -, this day mall be facred to 
mercy fee, here are more Timor's ! 

f,nter Mrs. TOUCHSTONE, GERTRUDE, MILDRED, 
and SYNDEFY. 

Spare your intreaties, all things have fucceeded to 
your wiihes : Frank, I know your engagements to 
this young woman ; I expect you will marry her. 

Quick. Moft willingly, Sir. 

Geld'. And you, Mr. Security, muft give up the 
writings of this young Lady's eitate ; this is a reftitu- 
tion you muft make from that huge mafs you have fo 
unlawfully gotten what do you fay to it ? 

Sec. I will lay any thing that you would have me- 
would I were no cuckold ! 

Quick. Come, Sir, I know the caufe cf your fufpi- 
cions, your wife is yet innocent ; endeavour to keep 
her fo, by confidence and kind ufage. 

Sec. 1 am Satisfied- and Winny and I (hail be 
friends again. 

Touch. Well, then all arepleafed Mr. Wolf, have 
you any apparel to lend Francis ? methinks I wouldn't 
have him appear in this garb. 

Quick. Sir, I do not defire to change it ; but intreat 
you will permit me to go home through the ftreets in 
thefe deaths, as a fpectacle, or rather an example, to 
the children of Cheap fide. 

Cold. Lee your penitence, friend Quickfilver, ap- 
pear in your acticns, relultingfrom inward conviction, 
and not from external appearance a foul heart may 
" K be 



66 OLD CITY MANNERS. 

be covered with tatter'd cloaths, and a decent out-fide 
is the beft garment for a reclaim'd prodigal he who 
endeavours to Ihew too much, may be fufpe&ed of 
repenting too little. 

Right, SonGolding, 



Tho* for a citizen 'tis not the vogue, 
Vofpeak to fuch rare guefts, the Epilogue, 
for once permit an honeft, trading man, 
To change for moral truth, the wanton plan. 
Short, I will be, and {weet I truft tofome^ 
That city youths may go inftruftedhome : 
As in a glafs, let citizens this day, 
J&ehold the plot, and moral of our play ; 
See the two ways, which lead to flame orftate^ 
Cbufe Ruin or fair fame work upon that ! 



FINIS, 



DOUBLE FALSHOOD; 

OR, THE 

DISTREST LOVERS. 



[Price One Shilling and Sixpence.] 




GEORGE R. 



the Second, by the Grace of God, King of 
Great Britain, France, and Ireland^ Defender of the Faith, 
&c. To all to whom thefe Prefents mall come, Greeting. 
Whereas our Trufty, and Well-beloved Lewis Theobald, of 
our City of London, Gent, hath, by his Petition, humbly repre- 
fentcd to Us, That He having, at a confiderable Expence, Pur- 
chafed the Manufcript Copy of an Original Play of WILLIAM 
SHAK.ESPEARE, called Double Faljbood: Or, The Diftrejl Lovers ; 
and, with great Labour and Pains, Revifed and Adapted the fame 
to the Stage ; has humbly befought Uo, to grant him Our Royal 
Privilege and Licence, for the fole Printing and Publiming thereof, 
for the Term of Fourteen Years : We, being willing to give all 
due Encouragement to this his Undertaking, are gracioufly pleafed 
to condefcend to his Requeft; and do therefore, by thefe Prefents, 
fo far as may be agreeable to the Statute in that Behalf made and 
provided, for Us, Our Heirs, and Succeflbrs, grant unto Him, the 
faid Lewis Theobald, his Executors, Adminiftrators, and Affigns, 
Our Royal Licence, for the fole Printing and Publiming the faid 
Play, in fuch Size and Manner, as He and They (hall think fit, for 
the Term of Fourteen Years, to be computed from the Date here- 
of; ftriclly forbidding all our Subjects within our Kingdoms and 
Dominions, to Reprint the fame, either in the like, or in any other 
Size, or Manner whatfoever; or to Import, Buy, Vend, Utter, or 
Diftribute, any Copies thereof, Reprinted beyond the Seas, during 
the aforefaid Term of Fourteen Years, without the Confent, or Ap- 
probation of the faid Lewis Theobald, his Heirs, Executors, and 
Afligns, under his, or their Hands and Seals firft had and obtain- 
ed, as they will anfwer the contrary at their Peril: Whereof the 
Commifiioners, and other Officers of our Cuftoms, the Mafter, 
Wardens, and Company of Stationers, are to take Notice, that the 
fame may be entered in the Regifler of the faid Company, and that 
due Obedience be rendered thereunto. Given at Our Court at St. 
James's, the Fifth Day of December, 1727, in the Firft Year of Our 
Reign. By his Majejiy's Command, 

HOLLES NEWCASTLE. 



DOUBLE FALSHOODj 

OR, THE 

DISTREST LOVERS. 

A 

PL A- Y, " 

As it is now A<5ted at 
The Theatre Royal in COVENT-GARDEN. 



Written ORIGINALLY 
By W. SHAKESPEARE; 

And REVISED 
By Mr. THEOBALD. 



)uod optanti Divum promittere nemo 

Auderet^ volvenda Dies, en! attutit ultro. VIRC. 



The THIRD EDITION. 

LONDON, 

Printed for T. LOWNDES, in Fleet-Street. 
MDCCLXVJI. 




To the Right HONOURABLE 

GEORGE DODINGTON, Efq; 



SIR, 

NOTHING can more ftrongly fe- 
cond the Pleafure I feel, from the 
Univerfal Applaufe which crowns 
this Orphan Play, than this Other which 
I take, in prefuming to flicker it under 
Your Name. I bear fo dear an Affection 
to the Writings and Memory of SHAKE- 
SPEARE, that, as it is my good Fortune 
to retrieve this Remnant of his Pen from 
Obfcurity, fo it is my greateft Ambition 
A 3 that 



vi DEDICATION. 

that this Piece fliould be received into the 
Protection of fuch a Patron : And, I hope, 
Future Times, when they mean to pay 
Shakefpeare the beft Compliment, will re- 
member to fay, Mr, DODINGTON was that 
Friend to his Remains^ which his own 
SOUTHAMPTON was to his living Merit. 

It is from the fine Difcernment of our 
Patrons, that we can generally beft pro- 
mife Ourfelves the good Opinion of the 
Publick. You are not only, SIR, a dif- 
tinguifhed Friend of the Mufes, but moft 
intimately allied to them: And from hence 
it is I flatter Myfelf, that if You {hall 
think fit to pronounce this Piece genuine, 
it will filence the Cenfures of thofe Unbe- 
lievers, who think it impofiible a Manu- 
fcript of Sbakefpeare could fo long have 
lain dormant; and who are blindly pay- 
ing Me a greater Compliment than either 
They defign, or I can merit, while they 

cannot 



DEDICATIO N. vii 

cannot but confefs Themfelves pleafed, yet 
would fain infmuate that they are impofed 
upon. I fhould efteem it fome Sort of 
Virtue^ were I able to commit fo agree- 
able a Cheat. 

But pardon Me, SIR, for a Digreffion 
that perverts the very Rule of Dedications. 
I own, I have my Reafons for it. As, 
SIR, your known Integrity and Honour 
engages the warmeft Wifhes of all good 
Men for your Profperity, fo your known 
Diftinction in Polite Letters, and your ge- 
nerous Encouragement of Thofe who pre- 
tend to them, obliges us to conlider your 
Advancement, as our own perfonal In- 
tereft, and as a good Omen, at leaft, if 
not as the fureft Means, of the future 
flourifhing Condition of thofe Htimane 
Arts amongft us, which We profefs, and 
which You adorn. But neither Your 
Modefty, nor my Inability, will fuffer 

A 4 me 



viii DEDICATIO N. 

me to enter upon that Subjed. Permit 
me, therefore, SIR, to convert Panegyrick 
into a moft ardent Wiflb, that You would 
look with a tender Eye on this dear Relick> 
and that you would believe me, with the 
moft unfeigned Zeal and Refped, 



wft Devoted 
and Obedient Humble Servant, 

LEW, THEOBALD, 



PREFACE 



PREFACE of the EDITOR. 

THE Succefs which this Play has met with from 
the Town in the Reprefentation, (to fay nothing 
of the Reception it found from thofe Great 
Judges, to whom I have had the Honour of communi- 
cating it in Manufcript,) has almoft made the Purpofe of 
a Preface unnecefTary : And therefore what I have to fay, 
is defign'd rather to wipe out a flying Objection or two, 
than to labour at proving it the Production of Sbakefpeare. 

It has been alledg'd as incredible, that fuch a Curiofity 
fhould be ftifled and loft to the World for above a Cen- 
tury. To this my Anfwer is fhort ; that though it never 
till now made its Appearance on the Stage, yet one of 
the Manufcript Copies, which I have, is of above Sixty 
Years Standing, in the Hand-writing of Mr. Dowries^ 
the famous Old Prompter , and, as I am credibly in- 
form'd, was early in the PofTeffion of the celebrated Mr. 
Betterton^ and by Him defign'd to have been uflier'd 
into the World. What Accident prevented This Pur- 
pofe of his, I do not pretend to know : Or thro' what 
Hands it had fucceffively pafs'd before that Period of 
Time. There is a Tradition (which I have from the 
Noble Perfon, who fupply'd me with One of my Copies) 
that this Play was given by our Author, as a Prefent of 
Value, to a Natural Daughter of his, for whofe Sake he 
wrote it, in the Time of his Retirement from the Stage. 
Two other Copies I have, (one of which I was glad to 
^purchafe at a very good Rate,) which may not, perhaps, 
be quite fo Old as the Former ; bur One of Them is 
much more perfect, and has fewer Flaws and Interrup- 
tions in the Senfe. 

Another Objection has been darted, (which would 
carry much more Weight with it, were it a Fact ;) that 
the Tale of this Play, being built upon a Novel in Don 
Quixot^ Chronology is againft Us, and Sbakefpeare could 
not be the Author. But it happens, that the Firjl Part 
of DonQuixot, which contains the Novel upon which 

the 



x PREFACE. 

the Tale of this Play feems to be built, was publifli'd in 
the Year 1605, and our Shakefpeare did not dye till April 
1616} an Interval of no lefs than Eleven Years, and 
more than fufficient for All that we want granted. 

Others again, to depreciate the Affair, as they thought, 
have been pleafed to urge, that tho' the Play may have 
fome Refemblances of Shakefpeare, yet the Colouring, Dic- 
tion, and Characters, come nearer to the Style and Man- 
ner of FLETCHER. This, I think, is far from deferving 
any Anfwer ; I fubmit it to the Determination of better 
Judgments ; tho' my Partiality for Sbakefpeare makes me 
wifh, that Every Thing which is good, or pleafing, in 
that other great Poet, had been owing to bis Pen. I had 
once defign'd a Dijfertation to prove this Play to be of 
Shakefpeare^^ Writing, from fome of its remarkable Pe- 
culiarities in the Language, and Nature of the Thoughts : 
but as I could not be fure but that the Play might be at- 
tack'd, I found it advifeable, upon fecond Confkleration, 
to referve that Part to my Defence. That Danger, I 
think, is now over ; fo I muft look out for a better Oc 
cafion. I am honour'd with fo many powerful. Sollici- 
tarions, preffing Me to the Profecution of an Attempt, 
which I have begun with fome little Succefs, of reftoring 
SHAKESPEARE from the numerous Corruptions of his 
Text ; that I can neither in Gratitude, nor good Man- 
ners, longer refift them. I therefore think it not amifs 
here to promife, that, tho' private Property fhould fo far 
ftand in my Way, as to prevent me from putting out an 
Edition of Shakefpeare, yet, fome Way or other, if I live, 
the Publick fhall receive from my Hand his whole 
WORKS corrected, with my bed Care and Ability. This 
may furnifh an Occafion for fpeaking more at large 
concerning the prefent Play : For which Reafon I fhall 
now drop it for another Subject. 

As to the Performance of the refpective ARors concern'd 
in this Play, my applauding It here would be altogether 
fuperfluous. The Publick has diftinguim'd and given 
them a Praife, much beyond Any that can flow from my 

Pen. 



PREFACE. xi 

Pen. But I have fome particular Acknowledgments to 
make to the Managers of this Company, for which I am 
glad to embrace fo fair an Opportunity. 

I came to Them at this Juncture as an Editor^ not an 
Author, and have met with fo much Candour, and hand- 
fome Treatment from Them, that I am willing to be- 
lieve, the Complaint, which has fo commonly obtain'd, 
of their Difregard and ill Behaviour to Writers, has been 
more feverely urg'd, than it is juflly grounded. They 
muft certainly be too good Judges of their own Intereft, 
not to know that a Theatre cannot always fubfift on old 
Stock, but that the Town requires Novelty at their 
Hands. On the other hand, they mud be fo far Judges 
of their own Art and Profeffion, as to know, that all the 
Compositions, which are offer'd them, would never go 
down with Audiences of fo nice and delicate a Tafte, as 
in this Age frequent the Theatres. It would be very 
hard upon fuch a Community, where fo many Imerefls 
are concern'd, and fo much Merit in their Bufmefs allow'd, 
if they had not a Privilege of refufmg fome crude Pieces, 
too imperfect for the Entertainment of the Publick. I 
would not be thought to infer, that they have never 
difcourag'd what They might, perhaps, afterwards wifli 
they had receiv'd. They do not, I believe, fet up for 
fuch a Conftant Infallibility. But if We do but fairly 
confider out of. above Four Thoufand Plays extant, how 
fmall a Number will now Hand the Tefl ; if We do but 
confider, too, how often a raw Performance has been ex- 
toll'd by the Partiality of private Friendfhip ; and what 
a Clamour of Injury has been rais'd from that Quarter, 
upon fuch Performance meeting a Repulfe ; we may pretty 
eafily account for the Grounds upon which they proceeded 
in difcountenancing fome Plays, and the harfh Things 
that are thrown 'out upon their giving a Repulfe to others. 

"But I mould beg Pardon for interfering in this Qne- 
ftion, in which 1 am properly neither Party nor Judge. 
I am only throwing out a private Opinion, without: 
Intereft or Prejudice, and if I am right in the Notion, 
Vale at qiiantum valere pot eft. PRO- 



PROLOGUE. 

Written by PHILIP FROWDE, Efq 5 
And Spoken by Mr. WILKS. 



jgS in fame Region, where indulgent Skies 
Enrich the Soil, a thoufand Plants arife 
Frequent and bold ; a thoufand Landjkips meet 
Our ravijht View, irregularly fweet : 
We gaze, divided, now on Thefe, now Thofe ; 
While ( All one beauteous Wildernefs compofe. 

Such SHAKESPEARE 'j Genius was : Let Britons boaft 
'The glorious Birth, and, eager, ftrfae who moft 
Shall celebrate his Verfe ; for while we raife .\ - 
'Trophies of Fame to him, ourfelves we praife : 
Difplay the Talents cf a Britifh Mind, 

Where All is great, free, open, unconfirfd. 

Be it our Pride, to reach his darling Flight; 

And relijh Beauties, he alone could write. 
M'ift modern Authors, fearful to afpire, 

With Imitation cramp their genial Fire', 

T'kc wett-Jtbem'd Plan keep ftritt before their Eyes, ^ 

Dwell on Proportions, trifling Decencies ; ). 

While noble Nature all neglefted lies. j 

Nature, that claims Precedency cf Place ^ 

P erf eft ten's Bvfis, and ejfcntial Grace! 

Nature 



PROLOGUE. xiii 

Nature fo intimately SHAKESPEARE knew, 1 

From her firji fprings his Sentiments he drew, 
Moft greatly wild they flow ; and, when moft wild, j 
yet true. j 

While Thefe, fecure in what the Criticks teach, 
Of fertile Laws ftill dread the dangerous Breach -, 
His vaft, unbounded, Soul difdain'd their Rule, 
Above the Precepts of the Pedant School ! 

Oh ! could the Bard, revifiting cur Light, 
Receive thefe Honours done his Shade To-night, 
How would he blefs the Scene this Age difplays, 
Tranfcending his Eliza'j Golden Days ! 
When great AUGUSTUS fills the Britifh Throne, 
And his lov'd Confort makes the Mufe her own. 
How would he joy, to fee fair Merit* s Claim 
Thus anfwer'd in his own reviving Fame! 
How cry with Pride " Oblivion I forgive ; 
" This my laft Child to lateft Times fhall live : 
" Loft to the World, well for the Birth it ftay'd; 
^ To this aufpicious ALra well deJay'd." 



E P I- 



EPILOGUE. 

Written by a FRIEND. 
Spoken by Mrs. O L D F i E L D. 



Heaven defend us from thefe ancient Plays, 
Thefe Moral Bards of good Queen Befs'j Days ! 
They write from Virtue's Laws, and think no further ; 
But draw a Rape as dreadful as a Murtber. 
Tour modern Wits, more deeply vers'd in Nature, 1 
Can tip the Wink, to tell us, you know better -, > 

As who Jhould fay " 'Tis no fuch killing Matter. j 
" Wive heard old Stories told, and yet ne'er wonder* d, 
" Of many a Prude, that has endued a Hundred: 
"And Violante grieves, or we're miftaken, 
" Not, becaufe ravijht -, but becaufeforfaken" 

Had this been written to the modern Stage, 
Her Manners had been copy' d from the Age. 
'Then tho' Jhe had been .once a little wrong, 
She ftill had had the Grace to've held her Tongue ; 
And after all, with downcaft Looks been led 
Like any Virgin to the Bridal Bed. 
There, if the good Man qucjiiorfd her Mif-doing, 
She'd flop bimjhort" Pray, who made you fo knowing ? 
44 What, dcubt my Virtue I What's your bafe Intention ? 
" Sir* that's a Point above your Comprtfanfton." 

Well, 



EPILOGUE. 



xv 



) Heav'n be prais'd, the Virtue of our Times 
Secures us from our Gothick Grand/ires Crimes. 
Rapes i Magick, new Opinions, which before 
Have fird our Chronicles, are now no more : 
And this reforming Age may juftly boaft, 
That dreadful Sin Polygamy is loft. 
So far from multiplying Wives, 'tis known 
Our Hufbands find, they've Work enough with one. 
Then, as for Rapes, thofe dangerous Days are paft ; 
Our Dapper Sparks are feldom in fuch Hafle. 

In SHAKESPEARE'J Age the Englifli Touth infpir'd* 
Lov'd, as they fought, by him and Beauty fir'd. 
3 Tis yours to crown the Bard, tvhofe Magick Strain 1 
Could charm the Heroes of that glorious Reign, X 

Which humbled to the Duft the Pride of Spain. j 




Dramatis 



Dramatis Perfonse. 



MEN. 



Duke Angela ) 

Roderick, his Elder Son, 

Henriquez, his Younger Son, 

DonBernard, Father toLtonora, 

Camilla^ Father to Jw//0, 

Julio ) in Love with Leonora^ 

Citizen, 

Mafter of the Flocks, 

Firft Shepherd, 

Second Shepherd, 

Gentleman, 

Servant, 



Drury-Lane. 
' In 1728. 


Covent-Sarden. 
In 1767. 


Mr. Corey. 
Mr. Mills. 


Mr. Clarke. 
Mr. /&//. 


Mr. Wilks. 


Mr, Smith. 


Mr. Harper. 
Mr. Griffin. 
Mr. Booth. 
Mr. Gates. 
Mr. Bridgwater. 


Mr. /Tfc/fcr. 
Mr. Gitywi. 
Mr. Rofe. 
Mr. /Vrrj. 
Mr. Buck. 


Mr. Norris. 


Mr. Bennet. 


Mr. &gr. 


Mr. Cu/hing. 
Mr. Gardner. 




Mr. . &wVA. 



Violante, 



WOMEN. 

Mrs. Porter. 
Mrs. Booth. 



Mrs. Mattocks. 
MikMadlin. 



SCENE, the Province of Andalufia in Spain, 



DOUBLE 




DOUBLE FALSHOOD; 

OR, THE 

DISTREST LOVERS. 



ACT I. SCENE I. 

S <C E N E, A Royal Palace. 

Duke Angelo, Roderick, and Courtiers. 

RODERICK. 
? Y gracious Father, this unwonted 

Strain 
Vifits my Heart with Sadnefs. 

.Duke. W 7 hy, my Son ? 

Making my Death familiar to my 

Tongue 

Digs not my Grave one Jot before the Date. 
I've worn the Garland of my Honours long, 
And would not leave it wither'd to thy Brow, 
But flouriming and green ; worthy the Man, 
Who, with my Dukedoms, heirs my better Glories. 

B RoJer. 




2 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; 0r, 

Roder. This Praife, which is my Pride, fpreads me 

with Blufhes. 

Duke. Think not, that I can flatter thee, my Roderick - y 
Or let the Scale of Love o'er-poize my Judgment. 
Like a fair Glafs of Retrofpedion, Thou 
Reflect'ft the Virtues of my early Youth ; 
Making my old Blood mend its Pace with Tranfport : 
.While fond Henriquez^ thy irregular Brother, 
.!Sets the large Credit of his Name at Stake, 
\A Truant to my Wifhes, and his Birth, 
jliis Taints of Wildnefs hurt our nicer Honour, 
And call for fweet Reclaim. 

Roder. : 1 truft, my Brother 

Will, by the Vantage of his cooler Wifdom, 
L'er- while redeem the hotEfcapes of Youth, 
And court Opinion with a golden Conduct. 

Duke. Be Thou a Prophet in that kind Suggestion ! 
But I, by Fears weighing his nnweigh'd Courfe, 
Interpret for the Future from the Pali. 
And ttrange Mifgivings, why he hath of late 
By Importunity, and ilrain'd Petition, 
W re fled our Leave of Abfence from the Court, 
Awake Sufpicion. Thou art inward with him ; 
And, haply, from the bofom'd Truft can'fi : fhape 
Some formal Caufe to qualify my Doubts. 

Rod-:r. Why lie hath prefs'd this Abfence, Sir, I 

know not ; 

But have his Letters of a. modern Date, 
Wherein by Jsdio, good Cam'tllo** Son, 
(Who, as he fays, fhall follow hard upon ; 
Aod whom I with the growing Hour expect :) 
I He doth follidt the Return of Gold 
1 To purchafe certain Korfe, that like him well. 
This Julio he encountcr'd firft in France, 
And lovmply commends him to my Favour; 
W idling, I would detain him fome few Days, 
To know the Value of his well-placed Truft. 

Ditk>. 



The DISTREST LOVERS. 3 

Duke. I have, upon Henriqucz* ftrong Requeft,- 
Sent for this Julio Thou afiay to mould him 
An honeft Spy upon thy Brother's Riots. 
Make us acquainted when the Youth arrives ; 
We'll fee thfe Julio, and he mail from Us 
Receive the fecret Loan his Friend requires. 
Bring him to Court. 

\Extunt. 

S C E N E II. Profpett of a Village at a Diftance. 
Enters Camillo with a Letter. 

Cam. How comes the Duke to take fuch Notice of 
my Son, that he mud needs have him in Court, and I 

mud fend him upon the View of his Letter ? 

Horfemanfhip ! What HorfemanfLip has Julio? I think, 
he can no more but gallop a Hackney, unlefs he praftifed 
Riding in France. It may be, he did fo ; for he was 
there a good Continuance. But I have not heard him 
fpeak much of his Horfemanfhip. That's no Mat- 
ter : If he be not a good Horfeman, all's one in fuch 
a Cafe, he muft bear. Princes are abfolute ; they 
may do what they will in any thing, fave what they 
cannot do. 

Enters Julio. 

O, come on, Sir; read this Paper: No more Ado, but 
read it : It muft not be anfwer'd by my Hand, nor 
yours, but, in Grofs, by your Perfon j your fole Per- 
fon. Read aloud. 

Jul. 'Pleafe you, to let me firft o'erlook it, Sir. 

Cam. I was this other Day in a Spleen againft your 
new Suits : I do now think, fome Fate was the Taylour 
that hath fitted them : For, this Hour, they are for 
the Palace of the Duke. Your Father's Houfe is 
too dufty. 

B 2 Jul. 



4 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or, 

^ Jul. Hem ! to Court ? Which is the better, to ferve 
a Miftrefs* or a Duke ? I am fued to be his Slave, and I 
fue to be Leonora's. [Af.de. 

Cam. You lliall find your Horfemanfliip much praiied 
there ; Are you fo good a Horfeman ? 

Jul. I have been, 
E'er now, commended for my Seat, or mock'd. 

Cam. Take one Commendation with another, every 
Third's a Mock. Affect not therefore to be praiied. 
Here's a deal of Command and Entreaty mixt; there's 
no denying j you mult go, peremptorily he inforces 
That. 

Jul. What Fortune foever my Going (hall encounter, 
cannot be good Fortune , What I part withall uniea- 
fons any other Goodnefs. \_AJlde. 

Cam. You muft needs go j he rather conjures, than 
importunes. 
* Jul. No moving of my Love-Suit to him now ! 

^Af.de. 

Ccm. Great Fortunes have grown out of lefs Grounds. 

\ Jul. What may her Father think of me, who expects 

to be follicited this very Night ? [dfide. 

Cam. Thofe icatter'd Pieces of Virtue, which are 
in him, the Court will folder together, varnifh, and 
rectify. 

Jul. He "will furely think I deal too (lightly, or un- 
mannerly, or fooliflily, indeed , nay, difhoneftly ; to 
bear him in hand with my Father's Confent, who yet 
hath not been touch'd with io much as a Requeflto it. 

[Aftdc. 

Cam. Well, Sir, have you read it over ? 

Jul. Yes, Sir. 

Cam. And confider'd it ? 

Jul. As I can. 

Cam. If you are courted by good Fortune, you muft 

no. 

Jul. So it pleafe you, Sir. 

Cam. 



The DISTREST LOVERS. 5 

Cam. By any Means, and To-morrow : Is it not 
there the Limits of his Requeit ? 

Jul. It is, Sir. 

Cam. I muft bethink me offome Neceffaries, with- 
out which you might be unfurnifh'd : And my Sup- 
plies mall at all Convenience follow You. Come to 
my Clofet by and by ; I would there fpeak with You. 

[Exit Camillo. 

Manet Julio folus. 

Jul. I do not fee that Fervour in the Maid, 
Which Youth and Love mould kindle. She confents, 
As 'twere to feed without an Appetite ; 
Tells me, She is content ; and plays the Coy one, 
Like Thofe that fubtly make their Words their Ward, 
Keeping Addrefs at Diftance. This AfTedion 
Is fuch a feign'd One, as will break untouch'd ; 
Dye frofty, ere it can be thaw'd -, while mine, 
Like to a CJime beneath Hyperion's Eye, 
Burns with one conftant Heat. I'll flrait go to her ;>. 
Pray her to regard my Honour : But me greets me. -^ 

Enter Leonora, and Maid. 
See, how her Beauty doth inrich the Place ! 
O, add the Mufick of thy charming Tongue, 
Sweet as the Lark that wakens up the Morn, 
And make me think it Paradife indeed. 
I was about to feek thee, Leonora^ 
And chide thy Coldnefs, Love. 

Leon. What fays your Father ? 

Jul. I have not mov'd him yet. 

Leon. r- Then do not, Julio. 

Jul. Not move him ? Was it not your own Command, 
That his Confent mould ratify our Loves ? 

Leon. Perhaps, it was : But now I've chang'd my 

Mind. 

You purchafe at too dear a Rate, that puts You . 
To woo me and your Father too : Bcfides, 
As He, perchance, may fay, You mall not have me-; 

B 3 You, 



6 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; 0r, 

You, who are fo obedient, muft difcharge me 
Out of your Fancy : Then, you know, 'twill prove 
My Shame and Sorrow, meeting fuch Repulfe, 
To wear the Willow in my Prime of Youth. 

Jttl. Oh ! do not rack me with thefe ill-plac'd 

Doubts ; 

Nor think, tho' Age has in my Father's Bread 
Put out Love's Flame, he therefore has not Eyes, 
Or is in Judgment blind. You wrong your Beauties, 
Venus will frown if you defpife her Gifts, 
That have a Face would make a frozen Hermit 
Leap from his Cell, and burn his Beads to kifs it ; 
Eyes, that arc nothing but continual Births 
Of new Defires in Thofe that view their Beams. 
You cannot have a Caufe to doubt. 

Leon. ----------- Why, Julio? 

When you that dare not chufe without your Father, 
And, where you love, you dare not vouch it-, mufl; nor, 
Though you have Eyes, fee with 'em , can I, think 

you, 

Somewhat, perhaps, infeclcd with your Suit, 
Sit down content to fay, You would, but dare not ? 

Jul. Urge not Sufpicions of what cannot be - t 
> You deal unkindly ; mis-becomingly, 
I'm loth to fay : For All that waits on you, 
Is grac'd, and graces. - - No Impediment 
Shall bar my Wifhes, but fuch grave Delays 
As Reafon preffes Patience with ; which blunt not, 
But rather whet our Loves. Be patient, Sweet. 

Leon. Patient! Whatelfe? My Flames are in the Flint. 
jHaply, to lofe a Hufband I may weep; 
Never, to get One : When 1 cry for Bondage, 
Let Freedom quit rre. 

Jul. -- . ---- From .what a Spirit comes This ? 
I now perceive too plain, you care not for nie. 
e, I obey thy Summons, be its Tenour 



.j 

vWhat?*ef it will : If War, I come thy Soldier 
Or if p watle mv lillien Hours at Court,, 

The 



The DISTREST LOVERS. 7 

The Slave of Fafliion, I with willing Soul 
Embrace the lazy Baniiliment for Life; 
Since Leonora has pronounc'd my Doom. 

Leon. What do you mean ? Why talk yoir of the 

Duke ? 
Wherefore of War, or Court, or Banimment ? 

Jul. How this new Note is grown of me, I know 

not; 

But the Duke writes for Me. Coming to move 
My Father in our Bus'nefs, I did find him 
Reading this Letter ; whofe Consents require 
My inftant Service, and Repair to Court. 

Leon. Now I perceive the Birth of thefe Delays ; 
Why Leonora was not worth your Suit. 
Repair to Court ? Ay, there you mall, perhaps, 
(Rather, paft Doubt ;) behold fome choicer Beauty, 
Rich in her Charms, train'd to the Arts of Soothing, 
Shall prompt you to a Spirit of Hardinefs, 
To fay, So pleafe you, Father, I nave chofen 

This Miftrefs for my own. 

Jul. Still you miftake me : 

Ever'your Servant I profefs myfelf ; 
And will not blot me with a Change, for all 
That Sea and Land inherit. 
Leon. But when go you ? 
Jul. To-morrow, Love; fo runs the Duke's Comr 

tnand ; 

Stinting our Farewell-kifles, cutting off 
The Forms of Parting, and the Interchange 
Of thoufand precious Vows, with Hajle top rude. 
Lovers have Things of Moment to debate, 
More than a Prince, or dreaming Statefman, know : 
Such Ceremonies wait on Cupid's Throne. 
Why heav'd that Sigh ? 

Leon. O Julio * let me whifper 
What, but for Parting, I mould blufh to tell thee : 
My Heart beats thick with Fears, left the gay Scene, 
The Splendors of a Court, mould from thy Bread 

B 4 Banifli 



8 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; 0r, 

Banim my Image, kill my Int'reft in thee, 
And I be left the Scoff of Maids, to drop 
A Widow's Tear for thy departed Faith. 

Jul. O let AlTurance, ftrong as Words can bind, 
Tell thy pleas'd Soul, I will be wond'rous faithful ; 
True, as the Sun is to his Race of Light, 
As Shade to Darknefs, as Defire to Beauty : 
And when I fwerve, let Wretchednefs o'ertake me, 
Great as e'er Falfhood met, or Change can merit. 

. , Leon. Enough , I'm fatisfied : and will remain 

|Yours, with a firm and untir'd Conftancy. 

'Make not your Abfence long: Old Men are wav'ringj 
And fway'd by Int'reft more than Promife giv'n. 

; Should fome frefli Offer ftart, when you're away, 
I may be preft to Something, which muft put 
My Faith, or my Obedience, to the Rack. 

Jul. Fear not, but I with fwifteft Wing of Time 
Will labour my Return. And in my Abfence, 
My noble Friend, and now our honour'd Gueft, 

(The Lord Flenriquez^ will in my behalf 
Hang at your Father's Ear, and with kind Hints, 
( Pour'd from a friendly Tongue, fecure my Claim ; 
i And play the Lover for thy abfent Julio. 

Lecn. Is there no Inftance of a Friend turn'd falfe ? 
Take Heed of That : No Lpve by Proxy, Julio. 
My Father - 

Enters Don Bernard. 

D. Bern. What, Julio, in publick ? This Wooing is 
too urgent. Is your Father yet moved in the Suit, who 
muft be the prime Unfolder of this Bufinefs ? 

Jul. I have not yet, indeed, at full poffefs'd 
My Father, whom it is my Service follows ; 
But only that I have a Wife in Chafe. 

D. Bern. Chafe ! Let Chafe alone : No Mat- 
ter for That. You may halt after her, whom 1 

you profefs to purfue, and catch her too , Marry, not 

uniefs 



DISTREST LOVERS. 9 

unlefs your Father let you flip. Briefly, I defire 

you, (for fhe tells me, my Instructions (hall be both 
Ryes and Feet to her-,) no farther to infift in your Re- 
quiring, 'till, as I have formerly faid, Camilla make 
known to Me, that his good Liking goes along with 
Us ; which but once breath'd, all is done , 'till when, 
the Bufmefs has no Life, and cannot find a Begin- 
ning. 

JuL Sir, I will know his Mind, e'er I tafte Sleep: 
At Morn, you fliall be learn'd in his Defire. 

I take my Leave. O virtuous Leonora^ 

Repofe, fweet as thy Beauties, leal thy Eyes ; 

Qnce more, adieu. I have thy Promife, Love; * 

Remember, and be faithful. [Ex. Julio. 

D. Bern. His Father is as unfettled, as he is wayward 
in his Diipofition. If 1 thought young Julio's Temper 
were not mended by the Fvletal of his Mother, I fhould 
be fomething crazy in giving my Confent to this Match : 
And, to tell you true, if my Eyes might be the Di- 
rectors to your Mind, I could in this Town look upon j 
.twenty Men of more delicate Choice. I fpeak not This 
altogether to unbend your Affections to him : But the 
Meaning of what I fay is, that you fet fuch Price upon 
yourfelf to him, as Many, and much his Betters, would 
buy jou at , (and reckon thofe Virtues in you at the 
Rate of their Scarcity ;) to which if he come not up, 
you remain for a better Mart. 

Leon. My Obedience, Sir, is chain'd to your Ad- 
vice. 

D. Bern. 5 Tis well faid, and wifely. I fear, your 
Lover is a little Folly-tainted ; which, mortly after it 
proves fo, you will repent. 

Leon. Sir, I confefs, I approve him of all the Men, 
I know-, but that Approbation is nothing, 'till feafon'd \ 
by your Confent. 

D. Kern. We fhall hear foon what his Father will do, 
and fo proceed accordingly. I have no great Heart 
to tiie Bufmefs, neither will I with any Violence op- 

pofe 



io DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or, 

pole it : But leave it to that Power which rules in thefe 
Conjunctions, and there's an End. Come , hafte We 
homeward, Girl. [Exeunt. 

SCENE III. 

f 
Enter Henriquez, and Servants with Ligbts. 

Henr. Bear the Lights clofe : Where is the Mu- 

fick, Sirs? 

Serv. Coming, my Lord. 
Henr. Let 'em not come too near. This Maid, 
For whom my Sighs ride on the Night's chill Vapour, 
\Is born moft humbly, tho' me be as fail- 
As Nature's richeft Mould and Skill can make her, 
Mended with ftrong Imagination. 
--But what of That ? Th' Obfcurenefs of her Birth 
Cannot eclipfe the Luftre of her Eyes, 

I Which make her all One Light. Strike up, my 

Mafters ; 

But touch the Strings with a religious Softnefs ; 
Teach Sound to languifli thro' the Night's dull Ear, 
'Till Melancholy Hart from her lazy Couch, 
And Careleffnefs grow Convert to Attention. 

[Mufick plays.. 

She drives me into Wonder, when I fometimes 
Hear her difcourfe ; The Court, whereof Report 
And Guefs alone inform her, me will rave at, 
As if me there fev'n Reigns had flander'd Time. 
Then, when (he reafons on her Country State, 
Health, Virtue, Plainnefs, and Simplicity, 
On Beauties true in Title, fcorning Art, 
Freedom as well to do, as think, what's good ; 
My Heart grows fick of Birth and empty Rank, 
'And I become a Villager inWifh. 

Play on , She (leeps too found : Be ftill, and 

vanifh : 

A Gleam 



DISTREST LOVERS. n 

A Gleam of Day breaks fudden from her Window : 
O Taper, graced by that midnight Hand! 

Viol ante appears above at her Window. 

Viol. Who is't, that wooes at this late Hour ? What 
are you ? 

Henr. One, who for your dear Sake 

Viol. Watches the ftarlefs Nigh't ! 
My Lord Henriquez, or my Ear deceives me. 
You've had my Anfwer, and 'tis more than ft range 
You'll combat thefe Repulfes. Good my Lord, 
Be Friend to your own Health , and give me Leave, 
Securing my poor F'_ le, nothing to pity 
What Pangs you fwear you fuffer. 'Tis impofliblc 
To plant your choice Affections in my Shade, J 

At lead, for them to grow there. 

Henr. Why, Violante? 

Viol. Alas ! Sir, there are Reafons numberlefs 
To bar your Aims. Be warn'd to Hours more wholefom ; 
For, Thefe you watch in vain. I have read Stories, 
(I fear, too true ones; ) how young Lords, like you, 
Have thus befung mean Windows, rhymed their Suffer- 
ings, 

Ev'n to th' Abufe of Things Divine, fet up 
Plain Girls, like me, the Idols of their Worfhip, 
Then left them to bewail their eafie Faith, 
And fland the World's Contempt. 

Henr. Your Memory, 

Too faithful to the Wrongs of few loft Maids, 
Makes Fear too general. 

Viol. Let us be homely, 

And let us tco'be chafte, doing you Lords no wrong; 
But crediting your Oaths with fuch a Spirit, 
As you profcfs them : fo no Party trufted 
Shall make a loling Bargain. Home, my Lord, 
What you can fay, is moft unfeafonable ; what fing, 
Mod abfonant and harm : Nay, your Perfume, 
Which I fmell hither, cheers not my Senfe 
Like our Field- violet's Breath. 

Henr. 



12 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or y 

Henr. Why, this Difmiflion 

Does more invite my Staying. 

Viol, Men of your Temper 

Make ev'ry Thing their Bramble. But I wrong 
That which I am preferving, my Maid's Name, 
To hold fo long Difcourfe. Your Virtues guide you 
T' effecl: fome nobler Purpofe ! [Ex. Violante. 

Henr. Stay, bright Maid ! 
Come back, and leave me with a fairer Hope. 
I She's gone : No matter ! I have brib'd her Woman, 
/ And foon mall gain Admittance. 
Who am I, that am thus contemn'a :" 
The fecond Son to a Prince ? Yes \ well ; What then ? 
Why, your great Birth forbids you to defcend 
To a low Alliance : Her's is the felf-fame Stuff, 
- Whereof we Dukes are made -, but Clay more pure ! 
And take away my Title, which is acquir'd 
Not by myfelf, but thrown by Fortune on Me, 
Or by the Merit of fome Anceftor 
Of fingular Quality, She doth inherit 
Deferts t'outweigh me. I muft (loop to gain her 5 
Throw all my gay Comparifons afide, 
And turn my proud Additions out of Service, 
Rather than keep them to become my Mailers. 

The Dignities we wear, are Gifts of Pride ; 

And laugh'd at by the Wife, as meer Outfide. [#;'/, 

End of the Firft Att. 



ACT 



'The DISTREST LOVERS. 




ACT II. SCENE I. 

SCENE, tte Profpett of a Village. 
Enter Fabian and Lopez ; Henriquez on the Oppojite Side. 

Lop. COFT, foft yon, Neighbour; who comes here? 
*^ Pray you, {link afide. 

Henr. Ha ! Is it come to this ? Oh the Devil, the 
Devil, the Devil ! 

Fab. Lo you now ! for want of the difcreet Ladle of 
a cool Underftanding, will this Fellow's Brains boil 
over. 

Henr. To have enjoy'd her, I would have given 

What ? 

All that at prefent I could boaft my own, 
And the Reverfion of the World to boot, 

Had the Inheritance been mine : And now, 

(Juft Doom of guilty Joys !) I grieve as much 
That I have rifled all the Stores of Beauty, 
Thofe Charms of Innocence and artlefs Love, 
As juft before I was devour'd with Sorrow, 
That me refus'd my Vows, and fhut the Door 
Upon my ardent Longings. 

Lop. Love! Love! Downright Love! I fee by 

the Foolimnefs of it. 

Henr. Now then to Recollection Was't not fo ? 

A Promife firft of Marriage Not a Promife only, 

for 'twas bound with Surety of a thoufand Oaths , 

and thofe not light ones neither. Yet I remember 

too, thofe Oaths could not prevail ; th' unpractis'd 
Maid trembled to meet mvLove: Bv Force alone I 

fnatch'd 



14 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or, 

fnatch'd th* imperfect Joy, which now torments my 
Memory. Not Love, but brutal Violence prevail'd -, 
to which the Time, and Place, and Opportunity, 
AccefTaries mofl difhonourable. Shame, Shame, 



upon t ! 

Fab. What a Heap of Stuff's this I fancy this 
Fellow's Head would make a good Pedlar's Pack, 
Neighbour. 

Henr. Hold, let me be fevere to my Self, but not 
unjufl. -- Was it a Rape, then ? No. Her Shrieks, 
her Exclamations then had drove me from her. True, 
fhe did not confent ; as true, flie did refift ; but (till 
in Silence all. --- 'Twas but the Coynefs of a mo- 
cieft Bride, not the Refentment of a ravifht Maid. 
And is the Man yet born, who would not rifque the 
Guilt to meet the Joy ? -- The Guilt ! that's true 
-- but then the Danger j the Tears, the Clamours of 
the ruin'd Maid, purfuing me to Court. That, that 
I fear, will (as it already does my Ccnfcience) feme- 
thing (hatter my Honour. What's to be done ? But 
now I have no Choice. Fair Leonora reigns confeft the 
Tyrant Queen of my revoked Heart, and Violante 
.kerns a fliort Ufurper there. -- Julio's already by my 
Arts Yemov'd. -- -O Friendship, how wilt thou an- 
fvver That ? Oh, that a Man could reafon down this 
Fever of the Blood, or footh with Words the Tumult 
in his li'eart! Then, Julio, I might be, indeed, thy 
Friend. They, they only fliould condemn me, who, 
born devoid of Paffion, ne'er have prov'd the fierce 
Difputes 'twixt Virtue and Defire. While they, who 
hiivf, like me, 

The loofe Efcapes of youthful Nature known. 

Mud wink at mine, indulgent to their own. 

{Exit Henriquez. 

I. <:p. This Man is certainly mad, and may be mif- 
rnievous. , Pr'ythee, Neighbour, let's follow him ; but 
at force Diflance, for fear of tlxu worft. 

[Exeunt, after Henr. 
SCENE 



DISTREST LOVERS. 15 

SCENE II. An Apartment. 
Enters Viol ante alone. 

Viol. Whom mall I look upon without a Blufh ? 
There's not a Maid, whole Eye with Virgin Gaze 
Pierces not to my Guilt. What wil't avail me, 
To lay I was not willing ; 
Nothing ; but that I publifh my Dimpnour, 

And wound my Fame anew. O Mifery, 

To feem to all one's Neighbours rich, yet know 
One's Self neceffitous and wretched. 

Enter Maid^ and afterwards Gerald with a Letter. 

Maid. Madam, here's Gerald, Lord Henriqitez* Ser- 
vant ; 
He brings a Letter to you. 

Viol. A Letter to me ! How I tremble noto \ 
Your Lord's for Court, good Gerald^ is he not ? 

Ger. Not fo, Lady. 

Viol. O my prefoging Heart ! When goes he then ? 

Ger. His Bufinefs now fleers him fome other Courfe. 

VioL Whither, I pray you ? How my Fears tor- 
ment me ! 

Ger. Some two Months Progrefs. 

Viol. Whither, whither, Sir, 

I do befeech you ? Good Heav'ns, I lofe all Patience. 
Did he deliberate this ? or was the Bufinefs 
But then conceived, when it was born ? 

Ger. Lady, I know not That; ; nor is it in the Com- 
mand I have to wait your Anfwer. For the perufing 
the Letter I commend you to your Leifure. 

{Exit Gerald. 

Viol. To Hearts like mine Sufpenfe is Mifery. 
Wax, render up thy Truft : Be the Contents 
Prpfp'rous, or fatal, they are all my Due. 

Reads.] 



1 6 DOUBLE FALSHOOD- or, 

Reads.] Our Prudence Jbould now teach us to forget, 
ivhat our Indifcretion has committed^ I 
have already made one Step towards this 
Wifdom, by prevailing on Myfelf.to bid you 

Farewell. 

O, Wretched and betray'd ! Loft Violante ! 
Heart- wounded with a thoufand perjur'd Vows,' 
Poifon'd with ftudied Language, and bequeath'd 
To Defperation. I am now become 

Tomb 6f my own Honour : a dark Manfion, 
For Death alone to dwell in. I invite thee, 
Confuming Defolation, to this Temple, 
Now fit to be thy Spoil : the ruin'd Fabrick, 
Which cannot be repair'd, at once o'er-throw. 

What muft I do? But That's not worth my 

Thought : 

I will commend to Hazard all the Time 
That I (hall fpend hereafter : Farewel, my Father, 
W T hom I'll no more offend : and Men, adieu, 
Whom I'll no more believe : and Maids, adieu, 
Whom I'll no longer fhame. The Way I go, 

As yet I know not. Sorrow be my Guide. 

[>/'/ Violante. 

SCENE III. Profpetl of a Village, before 
Don Bernard'.? Honfe. 

Enters Henriquez. 

Henr. Where were the Eyes, the Voice, the various 

Charms, 

Each beauteous Particle, each namelefs Grace, 
Parents of glowing Love ? All Thefe in Her, 
It Teems, were not : but a Difeafe in Me, 
That fancied Graces in her. Who ne'er beheld 
More than a Hawthorn, (hall have Caufe to fay 
The Cedar's a tall Tree ; and fcorn the Shade, 

The 



DISTRES T Lo VE R s. 17 

The lov'd Bufh once had lent him. Sofc ! mine Ho 

nour 

Begins to ficken in this black Reflection. 
How can it be, that with my Honour fafe 
I mould purfue Leonora for my Wife ? 
That were accumulating Injuries, 
To Violante firft, and now to Julio ; 
To her a perjur'd Wretch, to him perfidious ; 
And to myfelf in ftrongeft Terms accus'd 
Of murth'ring Honour wilfully, without which 

My Dog's the Creature of the nobler Kind. 

But Pleafureis too ftrong for Reafon*s Curb , 

And Confcience finks o'er-powered with Beauty's 

Sweets. 

Come, Leonora^ Authrefs of my Crime, 
Appear, and vindicate thy Empire here 5 
Aid me to drive this lingering Honour hence, 
And I am wholly thine. 

Enter to him, Don Bernard and Leonora. 

D. Bern. Fye, my good Lord ; why would you wait 

without ? 

If you fufpedl your Welcome, I have brought 
My Leonora to allure you of it. [Henr. falutes Leon. 

Henr. O Kifs, fweetas the Odours of the Spring, 
But cold as Dews that dwell on Morning Flow'rs ! 
Say, Leonora* has your Father conquer'd ? 
Shall Duty then at laft obtain the Prize, 
Which you refus'd to Love ? And mall Henriqitez 
Owe all his Happinefs to good Bernardo ? 
Ah ! no ; I read my Ruin in your Eyes : 
That Sorrow, louder than a thoufand Tongues, 
Pronounces my Defpair. 

D. Bern. Come, Leonora, 

You are not now to learn, this noble Lord, 
(Whom but to name, reftores my failing Age, 
Has with a Lover's Eye beheld your Beauty *, 

C Thro' 



i8 DOUBLE FALSHO o D ; or, 

Thro* which his Heart fpeaks more than Language 

can ; 

It offers Joy and Happinefs to You, 
And Honour to our Houfe. Imagine then 
The Birth and Qualities of him that loves you ; 
Which when you know, you cannot rate too dear. 

Leon. My Father, on my Knees I do befeech you 
To paufe one Moment on your Daughter's Ruin. 
I vow, my Heart ev'n bleeds, that 1 muft thank you 
For your pad Tendernefs ; and yet diftruft 
That which is yet behind. Confider, Sir, 
Whoe'er's th' Occafion of another's Fault, 
Cannot himfelf be innocent. O, give not 
The cenfuring World occafion to reproach 
Your harm Commands; or to my Charge lay That 
Which mod I fear, the Fault of Difobedience. 

D. Bern, Pr'ythee, fear neither the One, nor the O- 
ther : I tell thee, Girl, there's more Fear than Danger. 
For my own part, as foon as Thou art married to this 
noble Lord, my Fears will be over. 

Leon. Sir, I mould be the vaineft of my Sex, 
Not to efleem myfelf unworthy far 
Of this high Honour. Once there was a Time, 
When to have heard my Lord Henrique 1 *? Vows, 
Might have fubdued my unexperienc'd Heart, 

And made me wholly his. But That's now paft : 

And my nrm-plighred Faith by your Confent 
Was long fmce given to the injur'd Julio. 

D. Bern. Why then, by my Confent e'en take it 
back again. Thou, like a fimple Wench haft given thy 
Affections to a Fellow, that does not care a Farthing 
for them. One, that has left thee for a Jaunt to Court ; 
as who mould (ay, I'll get a Place now ; 'tis Time 
enough to marry, when I'm turn'd out of it. 

Henr. So, furely, it mould feem, moft lovely Maid -, 
Julio, alas, feels nothing of my Paflion : 
.His Love is but th' Amufementof an Hour, 
A Ihort Relief from Bufinefs,.or Ambition, 

The 



The D i s TREST LOVERS. ip 

The Sport of Youth, and Fafhion of the Age. 
O ! had he known the Hopes, the Doubts, the Ar- 
dours, 

Or half the fond Varieties of Paffion, 
That play the Tyrant with my tortured Soul ; 
He had not left Thee to purfue his Fortune: 
To practife Cringes in a flavifh Circle, 
And barter real Blifs for unfure Honour. 

Leon. Oh, the oppofmg Wind, 
Should'ring the Tide, makes here a fearful Billow : 

I needs muft perifh in it. Oh, my Lord, 

Is it then poflible, you can forget 

What's due to your great Name, and princely Birth, 

To Friendfhip's holy Law, to Faith repos'd, 

To Truth, to Honour, and poor injur'd Julio ? 

think, my Lord, how much this Julio loves you ; 
Recall his Services, his well-try'd Faith ; 

Think too, this very Hour, where-e'er he be, 
Your Favour is the Envy of the Court, 
And lecret Triumph of his grateful Heart. 
Poor Julio, how fecurely thou depend'ft 
Upon the Faith and Honour of thy Matter ; 
Miftaken Youth ! this very Hour he robs thee 
Of all thy Heart holds dear. 'Tis fo Henri^uez 
Repays the Merits of unhappy Julio. [Weeps. 

Henr. My dumb' ring Honour catches the Alarm. > 

1 was to blame to parley with her thus : L 
Sh' as fhown me to myfelf. It troubles me. [Afide. 3 

D. Bern. Mad ; Mad. Stark mad, by this Light. 

Leon. I but begin to befo. I conjure you, 
By all the tender Intereils of Nature, 
By the chafle Love 'twixt you, and my dear Mother, 
(O holy Heav'n, that me were living now !) 
Forgive and pity me. Oh, Sir, remember, 
I've heard my Mother fay a thoufand Times, 
Her Father would have forced her Virgin Choice ; 
But when the Conflict was 'twixt Love and Duty, 
Which Ihould be firft obey'd, my Mother quickly 

C 2 Paid 



20 Dou B L E FALSH OOD ; or, 

( Paid up her Vows to Love, and married You. 
You thought this well, and Ihe was praifed for This ; 
For this her Name was honour'd, Difobedience 
Was ne'er imputed to her, her firm Love 
Conquer'd whatever oppos'd it, and (he profper'd 
/ Long Time your Wife. My Cafe is now the fame ; 
You are the Father, which You then condemn' d ; 
I, what my Mother was ; but not fo happy. 

D. Bern. Go to, you're a Fool. No doubt, You 

have old Stories enough to undo you. What, you 

can't throw yourfelf away but by Precedent, ha ? 
You will needs be married to One, that will None of 
You ? You will be happy no Body's way but your 

own, forfooth. But, d'ye mark me, fpare your 

Tongue for the future ; (and That's ufing you hardly 
too, to bid you fpare what you have a great deal too 
much of:) Go, go your ways, and d'ye hear, get 
ready within thefe Two days to be married to a Huf- 
band you don't deferve , Do it, or, by my dead Fa- 
ther's Soul, you are no Acquaintance of mine. 

Henr. She weeps : Be gentler to her, good Bernardo. 
Leon. Then Woe the Day. I'm circled round with 

Fire; 

No Way for my Efcape, but thro* the Flames. 
Oh, can I e'er refolve to live without 
A Father's Bleffing, or abandon Julio ? 
With other Maids, the Choice were not fo hard ; 
Int'reft, that rules the World, has made at laft 
A Merchandize of Hearts : and Virgins now 
Chufe as they're bid, and wed without Efteem. 
By nobler Springs mail my AfTeclions move ; 
Nor own a Matter, but the Man I love. 

[Exit Leonora. 

D. Bern. Go thy ways, Contradiction. Follow 

her, my Lord ; follow her, in the very Heat. This 
Obftinacy muft be combated by Importunity as obfti- 
nate. [Exit Henriquez after her. 

The 



fbe DISTREST LOVERS. 21 

The Girl fays right ; her Mother was juft fuch An- 
other. 1 remember, Two of Us courted her at the 
fame Time. She lov'd neither of Us, but She chofe 
me purely to fpight that furly Old Blockhead my Fa- 
ther in- Law. Who comes here, Camillo ? Novv'the 
refufing Part will lie on my Side. 

Enters Camillo. 

Cam. My worthy Neighbour, I am much in For- 
tune's Favour to find You thus alone. I have a Suit 
to You. 

D. Bern. Pleafe to name it, Sir. 

Cam. Sir, I have long held You in fingular Efteem : 
and what I (hall now fay, will be a Proof of it. You 
know, Sir, I have but one Son. 

D. Bern. Ay, Sir. 

Cam. And the Fortune I am bleft withal, You pret- 
ty well know what it is. 

D. Bern. 'Tis a fair One, Sir. 

Cam. Such as it is, the whole Reverfion is my Son's. 
He is now engaged in his Attendance on our Matter, 
the Duke. But e'er he went, he left with me the 
Secret of his Heart, his Love for your fair Daughter. 
For your Confent, he faid, 'twas ready : I took a 
Night, indeed, to think upon it, and now have brought 
you mine ; and am come to bind the Contract with 
half my Fortune in prefent, the Whole fome time 
hence, and, in the mean While, my hearty Bleffing. 
Ha ? What fay You to't, Don Bernard? 

D. Bern. Why, really, Neighbour, I muft own, I 
have heard Something of this Matter. 

Cam. Heard fomething of it ? No doubt, you have. 

D. Bern. Yes, now I recollect it well. 

Cam. Was it fo long ago then ? 

D. Bern. Very long ago, Neighbour. On Tuef- 
day laft. 

C 3 Can* 



22 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or, 

Cam. What, am I mock'd in this Bufinefs, Don 
Bernard ? 

D. Bern. Not mock'd, good Camilla, not mock'd : 
But in Love matters, you know, there are Abundance 
of Changes in half an Hour. Time, Time, Neigh- 
bour, plays Tricks with all of us. 

Cam. Time, Sir ! What tell you me of Time ? 
Come, I fee bow this goes. Can a little Time take 
a Man by the Shoulder, and fhake off his Honour ? 
Let me tell you, Neighbour, it muft either be a ftrong 
Wind, or a very mellow Honefty that drops fo eafily. 
Time, quoth'a ? 

D. Bern. Look'ee, Camillo ; will you pleafe to put your 
Indignation in your Pocket for half a Moment, while 
I tell you the whole Truth of the Matter. My Daugh- 
ter, you muft know, is fuch a tender Soul, me can- 
not poflibly fee a Duke's younger Son without falling 
defperately in Love with him. Now, you know, 
Neighbour, when Greatnefs rides Poft after a Man 
of my Years, 'tis both Prudence, and good Breeding, 
to let one's felf be overtaken by it. And who can 
help all This ? J profefs, it was not my feeking, Neigh- 
bour. 

Cam. I profefs, a Fox might earth in the Hollow- 
nefs of your Heart, Neighbour, and there's an End. 
If 1 were to give a bad Confcience its true Likenefs, 
it mould be drawn after a very near Neighbour to a 
certain poor Neighbour of yours. Neighbour ! with 
a Pox. 

D. Bern. Nay, you are fo nimble with me, you will 
hear Nothing. 

Cam. Sir, if I muft fpeak Nothing, I will hear Nothing. 
As for what you have to fay, if it comes from your Heart, 
'tis a Lye before you fpeak it. I'll to Leonora ; and if 
I find her in the fame Story, why, I mail believe your 
Wife was true to You, and your Daughter is your 
own. Fare you well. [Exit, as into D. Bernard'^ -Houfe. 

D. Bern. 



ne DISTREST LOVERS. 23 

D. Bern. Ay, but two Words muft go to that Bar- 
gain. It happens, that I am at prefent of Opinion 
my Daughter mall receive no more Company to day 
at leaft, no fuch Vifits as yours. 

[Exit D. Bernard, following him. 

SCENE IV. Changes to another Profpeft 
of Don Bernard'* Houfe. 

Leonora, above. 

Leon. How tedioufly I've waited at the Window, 
Yet know not One that pafles. Should I truft 
My Letter to a Stranger, whom I think 
To bear an honeil Face, (in which fometimes--" 
We fancy we are wond'rous fkilful ;) then 
I might be much deceiv'd. This late Example 
Of bafe Henriquez^ bleeding in me now, 
From each good Afpect takes away my Truft : 
For his Face feem'd to promife Truth and Honour. 
Since Nature's Gifts in nobleft Forms deceive, 

Be happy You, that want 'em ! Here comes One ; 

I've feen him, tho' I know him not ; He has 

An honeft Face too that's no Matter. Sir,' 

Enters Citizen. 

Citiz, To me ? 

Leon. As You were of a virtuous Matron born, 
(There is no Doubt, you are :) I do conjure you 
Grant me one Boon. Say, do you know me, Sir ? 

Citiz. Ay, Leonora^ and your worthy Father. 

Leon. I have not Time to prefs the Suit I've to you 
With many Words ; nay, I mould want the Words, 
Tho' I had Leifure : but for Love of Juftice, 

And as you pity Mifery But I wander 

Wide from my Subject. Know you Julio, Sir ? 

C 4 Citiz. 



24 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or, 

Citiz. Yes, very well , and love him too, as well. 
Leon. Oh, there an Angel fpake ! Then I conjure 

you, 

Convey this Paper to him : and believe me, 
You do Heav'n Service in*t, and mall have Caufe 
Not to repent your Pains. I know not what 
Your Fortune is ; Pardon me, gentle Sir, 
That I am bold to offer This, 
Citiz. By no means, Lady ..... 

[Offers to throw down a Purfe with Money. 
D. Bern, within."] Leonora. 

Leon. I truft to you ; Heav'n put it in your Heart 
To work me fome Relief. 

Citiz. Doubt it not, Lady. You have mov'd me fo, 
That tho' a thoufand Dangers barr'd my way, 
I'd dare 'ern all to ferve you. [Exit Citizen. 

Leon. Thanks from a richer Hand than mine requite 

you ! 

Z). Bern, within.'] Why, Daughter 
Leon. I come : Oh, Julio, feel but half my Grief, 
thpu wilt outfly Time to bring Relief. 

[Exit Leonora from the Window. 



of the Second 




LOVERS. 25 




ACT III. SCENE I. 

SCENE, the Profpett of a Village. 
Enter Julio with a Letter, and Citizen. 

Citiz. \ T T H E N from the Window fhe did bow 

W and call, 

Her Paffions fhook her Voice ; and from her Eyes 
Miflemper and Diftradion, with ftrange Wildnefs 
Befpoke Concern above a common Sorrow. 

Jut. Poor Leonora! Treacherous, damn'd Henriquezl 
She bids me fill my Memory with her Danger ; 
I do, my Leonora -, yes, I fill 
The Region of my Thought with nothing elfe ; 
Lower, fhe tells me here, that this Affair 
Shall yield a Teftimony of her Love : 
And prays, her Letter may come fafe and fudden. 
This Pray'r the Heav'ns have heard, and I befeech 'em, 
To hear all Pray'rs fhe makes. 

Have Patience, Sir. 



Jul. O my good Friend, methinks, I am too patient. 
Is there a Treachery, like this in Bafenefs, 
Recorded any where ? It is the deepefl : 
None but itfelf can be its Parallel : 

And from a Friend, profefs'd ! Friendfhip ? 

Why, 'tis 

A Word for ever maim'd ; in human Nature 
It was a Thing the nobleft , and 'mong Beafts 
It flood not in mean Place : Things of fierce Nature 

2 Hold 



fc6 DOUBLE FALSHOODjtfr, 

Hold Amity and Concordance. Such a Villany 
A Writer could not put down in his Scene, 
Without Taxation of his Auditory 
For Fiction moft enormous. 

Citiz. Thefe Upbraidings 

Cool Time, while they are vented. 

Jul. I am counfel'd. 

For you, evermore, Thanks. You've done much for Us; 
So gently prefs'd to't, that I may perfuade me 
You'll do a little more. 

Citiz. Put me t' Employment 

That's honeft, tho' not fafe, with my bed Spirits 
I'll give 't Accomplimment. 

Jul. No more but This ; 
For I muft fee Leonora : And to appear 
Like Julio, as I am, might haply fpoil 
Some good Event enfuing. Let me crave 
Th' Exchange of Habit with you : fome Difguife, 
May bear me to my Love, unmark'd, and fecret. 

Citiz. You mail not want, Yonder's the Houfe be- 
fore us : 
Make hafte to reach it. 

j u l . Still I thank you, Sir. 

O Leonora ! ftand but this rude Shock ; 

Hold out thy Faith againft the dread Afiault 

Of this bafe Lord, the Service of my Life 

Shall be devoted to repay thy Conftancy. [Exeunt. 

SCENE IL Don Bernard'/ Houfe. 

Enters Leonora. 

Leo. I've hoped to th* lateft Minute Hope can give : 
He will not come : H'as not received my Letter : 
'May be, fome other View has from our Home 
RepeaPd his chang'd Eye : for what Bufinefs can 
Excufe a Tardinefs thus willful ? None, 
Well then, it is not Bufinefs. Oh! that Let- 
ter, 

I fay, is not deliver'd ; or he's fick 5 

4 Or, 



DISTREST LOVERS. 27 

Or, O Suggeftion, wherefore wilt Thou fright me ? 
Julio does to Henriquez on meer Purpofe, 
On plotted Purpofe, yield me up ; and he 
Hath chofe another Miftrefs. All Preemptions 
Make pow'rful to this Point : His own Protraction, 

Henriquez left behind ; That Strain lack'd Jea- 

loufy, 

Therefore lack'd Love. So fure as Life fhall 

empty 

Itfelf in Death, this new Surmifeof mine 
Is a bold Certainty. 'Tis plain, and obvious, 
Henriquez would not, durft not, thus infringe 
The Law of Friendmip; thus provoke a Man, 
That bears a Sword, and wears his Flag of Youth 
As frefh as he : He durft not : 'Tis Contrivance, 
Grofs-dawbing 'twixt them both. But I'm over- 
heard. [Going. 
Enters Julio, difguifed. 

Jul. Stay, Leonora ; Has this outward Veil 
Quite loft me to thy Knowledge ? 

Leon. O my Julio ! 

Thy Prefence ends the ftern Debate of Doubt, 
And cures me of a thoufand heartfick Fears, 
Sprung from thy Abfence : yet awakes a Train 
Of other deeping Terrors. Do you weep ? 

JuL No, Leonora , when I weep, it muft be 
The Subftance of mine Eye. 'Would I could weep; 
For then mine Eye would drop upon my Heart, 
And fwage the Fire there. 

Leon. You are full poiTefs'd 

How things go here. Firft, welcome heartily ; 
Welcome to th'Ending of my laft good Hour : 
Now Summer Blifs and gaudy Days are gone, 
My Leafe in 'em 's expir'd. 

Jul. Not fo, Leonora. 

Leon. Yes, Julio, yes ; an everlafting Storm 
Ts come upon me, which 1 can't bear out. 
I cannot flay much Talk , we have loft Leifure; 

And 



28 The DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or 

And thus it is : Your Abfence hath giv'n Breeding 
To what my Letter hath declar'd, and is 
This Inftant on th' effecting, Hark ! the Mufick 

\FlouriJh within. 
Is now on tuning, which muft celebrate 

This Bus'nefs fo difcordant. Tell me then, 

What you will do. 

Jitl. I know not what : Advife me : 

Til kill the Traitor. 

Leon. O ' take heed : his Death 

Betters our Caufe no whit. No killing, Julio. 

Jul. My Blood (lands ftill ; and all my Faculties 
Are by Enchantment dulPd. You gracious Pow'rs, 
Tjie Guardians of fworn Faith, and fuff'ring Virtue, 
Infpire Prevention of this dreaded Mifchief ! 
This Moment is our own ; Let's ufe it, Love, 
^<And fly o'th* Inftant from this Houfe of Woe. 

Leon. Alas! Impofiible: My Steps are watch'd ; 
There's no Efcape for me. You muft ftay too. 

Julio. What! ftay, and fee theeravifh'd from my Arms? 
I'll force thy Paffage. Wear I not a Sword ? 

Ne'er on Man's Thigh rode better. If I fuffer 

The Traitor play his Part j if I not do 
Manhood and Juftice, Honour ; let me be deem'd 
A tame, pale, Coward, whom the Night-Owl's hoot 
May turn to Afpen-leaf : Some Man take this, 
Give me a Diftaff for it. 

Leon Patience, Julio ; 

And truft to me : I have fore-thought the Means 

To difappoint thefe Nuptials, Hark ! again ; 

Mufick within. 

Thefe are the Bells knoll for us. See, the Lights 

Move this Way, Julio. Quick, behind yon Arras, 

And take thy fecret Stand. Difpute it not; 

I have my Reafons, you anon mall know them : 
There you may mark the Pafiages of the Night. 
Yet, more : I charge you by the deareft Ties, 
Whate'er you fee, or hear, whate'er mall hap, 

In 



The DISTREST LOVERS. 29 

In your Concealment reft a filent Statue. 
Nay, hide thee ftraight* or, fee, I'm arm'd, and 
vow [Shews a Dagger. 

To fall a bleeding Sacrifice before Thee. 

[Tbrufts him out, to the Arras. 
I dare not tell thee of my Purpofe, Julio, 
Left it fhotild wrap thee in fuch Agonies, 
Which my Love could not look on. 

SCENE opens to a large Hall: An Altar pre- 
pared with Papers. Enter at one Door Ser- 
vants 'with Lights, Henriquez, Don Bernard, 
and Churchman. At another, Attendants to 
Leonora. Henriquez runs to her. 

Henr. Why, Leonora, wilt thou with this Gloom 
Darken my Triumph ; fufFring Difcontent, 
And wan Difpleafure, to fubdue that Cheek 
Where Love fhould fit inthron'd ? Behold your Slave; 
Nay, frown not ; for each Hour of growing Time 
Shall talk me to thy Service, 'till by Merit 
Of deareft Love I blot the low-born Julio 
From thy fair Mind. 

Leon. So I mall make it foul ; 

This Counfel is corrupt. 

Henr. , -Come, you will change. 

Leon. Why would you make a Wife of fuh a One, 
That is fo apt to change ? This foul Proceeding 
Still fpeaks againft itfelf, and vilifies 

The pureft of your Judgment. For your Birth's 

Sake 

I will not dart my hoarded Curfes at you, 
Nor give my Meanings Language : For the Love 
Of all good Things together, yet take heed, 
And fpurn the Tempter back. 

D. Bern. I think, you're mad, Perverfe and 

foolifh, Wretch! 

Leon. 



30 DoUBLEFALSHOODjtfr, 

Leon. How may I be obedient, and wife too ? 
Of my Obedience, Sir, I cannot drip me ; 
Nor can I then be wife : Grace againft Grace ! 
Ungracious, if I not obey a Father ; 

Moil perjur'd, if I do. Yet, Lord, confider, 

Or e'er too late, or e'er that Knot be ty'd, 
"Which may with Violence damnable be broken, 
No other Way difiever 'd : Yet confider, 
You wed my Perfon, not my Heart, my Lord ; 
No Part of my Affeclion. Sounds it well, 
That Julio's Love is Lord Henrique?? Wife ; 
Have you an Ear for this harm Sound ? 

Henr. No Shot of Reafon can come near the Place, 
Where my Love's fortified. The Day (hall come, 
Wherein you'll chide this Backwardnefs, and blefs 
Our Fervour in this Courfe. 

Leon. No, no, Henriquez, 

When you (hall find what Prophet you are prov'd, 
You'll prophefie no more. 

D. Bern. Have done this Talking, 

If you will cleave to your Obedience, do't ; 
If not, unbolt the Portal, and be gone ; 
My Blefiing (lay behind you. 

Leon. Sir, your Pardon : 

I will not fwerve a Hair's Breadth from my Duty ; 
It (hall firfl cod me dear. 

D. Bern. Well then, to th* Point: 

Give me your Hand. . My honour'd Lord, re- 
ceive 

My Daughter of Me, (nay, no dragging back, 

But with my Curfes-,) whom I frankly give you, 

And wifh you Joy and Honour. 

[/ft Don Bernard goes to give Leonora to Henriquez, 
Julio advances from the Arras^ andfteps between. 

Jut. . Hold, Don Bernard, 

Mine is the elder Claim. 

D. Bern. What are you, Sir ? 

Jul. 



DISTREST LOVERS. 31 

Jut. A Wretch, that's almoft loft to his own Know- 
ledge, 

Struck thro* with Injuries. 

Henr. Ha? Julio? Hear you, 

Were you not fent on our Commands to Court ? 
Order'd to wait your fair Difmifiion thence ? 
And have you dared, knowing you are our Vafial, 
To fteal away unprivileged, and leave 
My Bufinefs and. your Duty unaccomplifh'd ? 

Jul. Ungen'rous Lord ! The Circumftance of Things 

Should flop the Tongue of Queftion. You have , 

wrong'd me ; 

Wrong'd me fo bafely, in fo dear a Point, 
As flains the Cheek of Honour with a Blufh -, 
Cancels the Bonds of Service ; bids Allegiance 
Throw to the Wind all high Refpe&s of Birth, 
Tide, and Eminence ; and, in their Stead, 
Fills up the panting Heart with juft Defiance. 
If you have Senfe of Shame, or Juftice, Lord, 
Forego this bad Intent ; or with your Sword 
Anfwer me like a Man, and I lhall thank you. 
Julio once dead, Leonora may be thine ; 
But, living, She's a Prize too rich to part with. 

Henr. Vain Man ! the prefent Hour is fraught with 

Bufinefs 

Of richer Moment. Love lhall firft be ferv'd : 
Then, if your Courage hold to claim it of me, 
I may have Leifure to chaftife this Boldnefs. 
Jul. Nay, then I'll feize my Right. 

Henr. What, here, a Brawl ? 

My Servants, Turn this boift'rous Sworder forth j 

And fee he come not to difturb our Joys. 

Jul. Hold, Dogs! Leonora, Coward, bafe, 

Henriquez ! 

[Julio isfeiz'd, and drag d out ly the Servants. 
Henr. She dies upon Me ; help ! 

[Leonora fwoons ; as they endeavour to recover her, 
a Paper drops from her. 

D. Bern. 



32 DOUBLE FALSEHOOD; <?r, 

D. Bern. Throng not about her , 

But give her Air. 

Henr. What Paper's That ? let's fee it. 

It is her own Hand-Writing. 

D. Bern. Bow her Head : 

'Tis but her Fright ; fhe will recover foon. 
What learn you by that Paper, good my Lord ? 

Henr. That fhe would do the Violence to herfelf, 
Which Nature hath anticipated on her. 
What Dagger means fhe ? Search her well, I pray 
you. 

D. Bern. Here is the Dagger. i Oh, the ftub- 

born Sex, 
Rafh ev'n to Madnefs ! 

Henr. bear her to her Chamber : 

Life flows in her again. Pray, bear her hence : 

And tend her, as you would the World's beft Treafure. 

\Women carry Leonora off. 
"Don 'Bernard^ this wild Tumult foon will ceafe, 
The Caufe remov'd; and all return to Calmnefs* 
Paffions in Women are as fhort in Working, 
As ftrong in their Effect. Let the Prieft wait : 
Come, go we in : My Soul is all on Fire ; 
And burns impatient of this forc'd Delay. 

[Exeunt ; and the Scene clofes. 

SCENE III. Profpett of a Village at a 
Dijlance* 

Enters Roderick. 

Rod. 7//Vs Departure thus in fecret from Me, 
With the long doubtful Abfence of my Brother, 
(Who cannot fuffer, but my Father feels it j) 
Have trufted me with ftrong Sufpicions, 
And Dreams, that will not let me fleep, nor eat, 
Nor tafte thofe Recreations Health demands : 

But, 



DISTREST LOVERS. 33 

Bur, like a Whirlwind, hither have they fnatch'd me, 
Perforce, to be refolved. I know my Brother 
Had Julio's Father for his Hoft : from him 
Enquiry may befriend me. 

Enters Camillo. 

Old Sir, I'm glad 

To 've met you thus : What ails the Man ? Camilla? 
Cam. Ha? 

Rod. Is't poffible, you mould forget your Friends ? 
Cam. Friends ! What are Thofe ? 

Rod. Why, thofe that love you, Sir. 

Cam. You're none of thofe, fure, if you be Lord 

Roderick. 

Rod. Yes, I am that Lord Roderick, and I lie not, 
If I proteft, I love you paffing well. 

Cam. You lov'd my Son too pa fling well, I take it : 
One, that believ'd too fuddenly his Court-Creed. 

Rod. All is not well, [af.de. ] Good old Man, 

do not rail. 
Cam. My Lord, my Lord, you've dealt dilho- 

nourably 

Rod. "Good Sir, I am fo far frpm doing Wrongs 
Of that bafe Strain, I underftand you not. 

Cam. Indeed ! You know not neither, o' my 

Confcience, 

How your moft virtuous Brother, noble Henrique*-, 
(You look fo like him, Lord, you are the worfe for't ; 
Rots upon fuch DhTemblers !) under colour 
Of buying Courfers, and I know not what, 
Bought my poor Boy out of Pofleflion 

Ev'n of his plighted Faith. Was not this #0- 

nour ? 
And this a conftant Friend ? 

Rod. 1 dare not fay fo. 

Cam. Now you have robb'd him of his Loye, take 
all; 

D Make 



24 DOUBL E F ALSHOOD J Or, 

Make up your Malice, and difpatch his Life too. 

Rod. If you would hear me, Sir, 

Cam. Your brave old Father 

Would have been torn in Pieces with wild Horfes, 
Ere he had done this Treachery. On my Confcience, 
Had he but dreamt you two durft have committed 
This bafe, unmanly Crime, - 

Rod. Why, this is Madnefs. 

Cam. I've done, I've eas'd my Heart ; now you may 
talk. 

Rod. Then, as I am a Gentleman, believe me, 
(For I will lie for no Man ;) I'm fo far 
From being guilty of the leaft Sufpicion 
Of Sin that way, that fearing the long Abfence 
Of Julio and my Brother might beget 
Something to ftart at, hither have I travell'd 
v To know the Truth of you. 

Enters Violante behind. 

Vio. My Servant loiters ; fure, he means me well. 
CamillOy and a Stranger ? Thefe may give me 
Some Comfort from their Talk. I'll ilep afide : 
And hear what Fame is ftirring. [Violante retires 

Rod. Why this Wond'ring ? 

Cam. Can there be one fo near in Blood as you are 
To that Henriquez, and an honeft Man ? 

Rod. While he was good, I do confcfs my Near- 

nefs ; 

But, iince his Fall from Honour, he's to me 
\ As a ftrange Face I faw but Ytfterday, 
And as foon loft. 

Cam. 1 afk your Pardon, Lord ; 

I was too rafh and bold. 

Rod. No Harm done, Sir. 

Cam. But is it poflible, you fhould not hear 
The Paflage 'twixt Leonora and your Brother ? 

Red. None of all this. 

Enters 



Tke DISTREST LOVERS. 35 

Enters Citizen. 

Cam. How now ? 

Citiz. I bear you Tidings, Sir, which I could wilh 
Some other Tongue deliver'd. 

Cam. Whence, I pray you? 

Citiz. From your Son, Sir. 

Cam. Prithee, where is he ? 

Citiz. That's more than I know now, Sir. 
But this I can affaire you, he has left 
The City raging mad , Heav'n comfort him I 
He came to that curft Marriage The Fiends 
take it ! 

Cam. Pr'ythee, be gone, and bid the Bell knoll 

for me : 

I have had one Foot in the Grave fome Time. 
Nay, go, good Friend , thy News deferve no Thanks. 
How does your Lordmip ? [Exit Citizen. 

Rod. That's well faid, old Man. 

I hope, all mail be well yet. 

Cam. It had need ; 

For 'tis a crooked World. Farewell, poor Boy ! - 

Enters Don Bernard. 

D. Bern. This comes of forcing Women where thej" 

hate : 

It was my own Sin ; and I am rewarded. 
Now I am like an aged Oak, alone, 

Left for all Temped. 1 would cry, but cannot : 

I'm dry'd to Death almoft with thefe Vexations. 
Lord ! what a heavy Load I have within me ! 
My Heart, my H^art, my Htrart 

Cam. Has this ill Weather 

Met with thee too ? 

D. Bern. O Wench, that I were with thee ! 

Cam. You do not come to mock at me now ? 

Da D. Bern. 



36 DOUBLE FALSHOOD;0r, 

D. Bern. Ha ? 

Cam. Do not diflcmble ; Thou may'ft find a Knave 
As bad as thou arc, to undo thee too : 
I hope to fee that Day before I die yet. 

D. Bern. It needeth not, Camilla , I am Knave 
Sufficient to rnyfelf. If thou wilt rail, 
Do it as bitterly as thou canft think of; 
For I deferve it. Draw thy Sword, and ftrike me ; 
.,- And [ will thank thee for't. I've loft my Daughter; 
She's ftol'n away, and whither gone, I know not. 

Cam. She has a fair Blefiing in being from you, 

Sir, 

I was too poor a Brother for your Greatnefs ; 
You muft be grafted into noble Stocks, 
And have your Titles rais'd. My State was laugh 'd at: 
And my Alliance fcorn'd. I've loft a Son too ; 
Which muft not be put up fo. [Offers to draw. 

Rod. Hold; becounfel'd. 

You've equal LolTes i urge no farther Anger. 
Heav'n, pleas'd now at your Love, may bring again, 
And, no doubt, will, your Children to your Com- 
forts : 

In which Adventure my Foot mail be foremoft. 
And one more will I add, my honour'd Father j 
Who has a Son to grieve for too, tho* tainted. 
Let your joint Sorrow be as Balm to heal 
Thefe Wounds of advcrfe Fortune. 

D. Bern. Come, Camilla ^ 
Do not deny your Love for Charity ; 
I afk it of you. Let this noble Lord 
Make Brothers of us, whom our own crofs Fates 
I Could never join. What 1 have been, forget ; 
I What I intend to be, believe and nourifh : 
I do confefs my Wrongs , give me your Hand. 

Cam. Heav'n make thee honeft ; there. 

Rod. 'Tis done like good Men. 

Now there refts nought, but that we part, and each 

Take 



DISTREST LOVERS. 37 

Take fcv'ral Ways in queft of our loft Friends : 

Some of my Train o'er the wild Rocks mail wait 

you. 

Our belt Search ended, here we'll meet again, 
And tell the Fortunes of our feparate Travels. {Exeunt. 

Violante comes forward. 

Viol. I would your Brother had but half your 

Virtue! 

Yet there remains a little Spark of Hope 
That lights me to fom'e Comfort. The Match is 

crofs'd ; 

The Parties feparate; and I again 
May come to fee this Man that has betray'd me; ~ 
And wound his Conference for it : Home again 
I will not go, whatever Fortune guides me; 
Tho' ev'ry Step I went, I trod upon 
Dangers as fearful and as pale as Death. 
No, no, Henri^uez ; I will follow thee 
Where there is Day. Time may beget a Wonder. 

Enters Servant. 

O, are you come ? What News ? 

Serv. None but the worft. Your Father makes 
mighty Offers yonder by a Cryer, to any one can bring 
you home again. 

Viol. Art thou corrupted ? 

Serv. No. 

Viol. Wilt thou be honeft ? 

Serv. I hope, you do not fear me. 

Viol Indeed, I do not. Thou haft an honeft Facet 
And luch a Face, when it deceives, take heed, 
Is curft of all Heav'n's Creatures. 

Serv. I'll hang firft. 

Viol. Heav'n blefs thee from that End ! I've heard 
a Man 

D 3 Say 



38 DOUBLE FALS HOOD; or, 
Say more than This , and yet that Man was falfe. 
Thou'lt not be fo, I hope. 

Serv. By my Life, Miftrefs, 

VioL Swear not; I credit thee. But pry'thee tho', 
Take heed, thou doft not fail ; I do not doubt thee : 
Yet I have ttufted fuch a ferious Face, 
And been abufed too. 

Serv. If I fail your Truft, 

VioL I do thee Wrong to hold thy Honefty 
At Diftance thus : Thou lhalt know all my Fortunes. 
Get me a Shepherd*s Habit. 

Serv. Well ; what elfe ? 

VioL And wait me in the Evening, where I told thee j 
Theie thou (halt know my farther Ends. Take heed j 

Serv. D'ye fear me ftill ? 

VioL No ; This is only Counfel : 

My Life and Death I have put equally 

Into thy Hand : Let not Rewards, nor Hopes, 

Be caft into the Scale to turn thy Faith. 

Be honeft but for Virtue's Sake, that's all ; 
. He, that has fuch a Treafure, cannot fall. [Exeunt, 

End of the Third Aft. 




ACT 



The DrsTREST LOVERS. 39 



A C T IV. S C E N E I. 

SCENE, A Wide Plain, with a Profpett of 
Mountains at a Dijlance. 

Enter Majler of the Flocks , three or four Shepherds, and 
Violante in Bcfs deaths. 

i Sbep. TT 7 ELL, he's as fweet a Man, Heav'n com- 

\\ fort him ! as ever theie Eyes look'd on. 
2 Sbep. If he have a Mother, I believe, Neighbours, 
/he's a Woe woman for him at this Hour. 

Maft. Why mould he haunt thefe wild unpeopled 

Mountains, 
Where nothing dwells but Hunger, and fharp Winds ? 

1 Sbep. His Melancholy, Sir, that's the main Devil 
does it. Go to, I fear he has had too much foul Play 
cffer'd him. 

Maft. How.gets he Meat r 

2 Sbep. Why, now and then he takes our Victuals 
from us, tho' we defire him to eat ; and inftead of a 
ihort Grace, beats us well and Ibundly, and then falls to. 

Maft. Where lies he ? 

1 Sbep. Ev'n where the Night o'ertakes him. 

2 Sbep. Now' will I be hang'd, an' fome fair-fnouted 
fkittim Woman, or other, be not at the End of this 
Madnefs. 

i Sbep. Well, if he lodg'd within the Sound of us, 
I knew our Mufick would allure him. How attentively 
he flood, and how he fix'd his Eyes, when your Boy 
fung his Love-Ditty. Oh, here he comes again. 

Maft. Let him alone ; he wonders ftrangely at us. 

D 4 J Sbep. 



40 DOUBLE FALSHOODjer, 

1 Sbep. Not a Word, Sirs, to crofs him, as you love 
your Shoulders. 

2 Sb/ep He teems much difturb'd : I believe the mad 
Fit is upon him. 

Enters Julio. 

Jul Horfemanfhip ! Hell Riding mall be abo- 

lifh'd : 

Turn the barb'd Steed loofe to his native Wildnefs j 
Jt is a Beaft too noble to be made 
The Property of Man's Bafenefs' What a Letter 
Wrote he to's Brother ? What a Man was I ? 
Why, Perfeus did not know his Seat like me ; 
The Parthian^ that rides fwift without the Rein, 
Match'd not my Grace and Firmnefs. Shall this Lord 
Dye, when Men pray for him ? Think you 'tis meet ? 

1 Sbep. I don't know what to fay : Neither I, nor 
all the ConfefTors in Spain, can unriddle this wild Stuff. 

Jul. I muft to Court ! be ufher'd into Grace, 
By a large Lift of Praifes ready penn'd ! 

Devil ! What a venomous World is this, 
When Commendations are the Baits to Ruin ! 

All thefe good Words were Gyves and Fetters, Sir, 
To keep me bolted there : while the fa|fe Sender 
Play'd out the Game of Treach'ry. Hold ; come hi- 
ther 

You have an Afpect, Sir, of wond'rous Wifdom, 
And, as it feems, are traveJPd deep in Knowledge ; 
Have you e'er feen the Pbtsnix of the Earth, 
The Bird of Paradife ? 

2 Sbep. In troth, not I, Sir r 

Jul. I have ; and known her Haunts, and where me 

built 
Her fpicy Neft : 'till, like a credulous Fool, 

1 fhew'd the Treafure to a Friend in Truft, 

And he hath robb ? d me of her. Trufr no Friend : 
Keep thy Heart's Counfejs clofe. Hail thou a Miftrefs ? 
Give her not out in Words ; nor let thy Pride 
Be wanton to difplay her Charms to View ; 

2 Love 



*be DrsTREsr LOVERS. 41 

Love is contagious : and a Breath of Praife, 
Or a flight Glance, has kindled up its Flame, 

And turn'd a Friend a Traytor. 'Tis in Proof; 

And it has hurt my Brain. 

i.Sbep. Marry, now there is fome Moral in hisMadnefs,,. 
and we may profit by it. 

Ma/}. See, he grows cool, and penfive. 
Go towards him, Boy, but do not look that way. 

Viol Alas! 1 tremble 

JuL Oh, my pretty Youth ! 

Come hither, Child ; Did not your Song imply 
Something of Love ? 

1 Sbep. Ha ha goes it there ? Now if the Boy 
be witty, we mail trace fomething. 

Viol Yes, Sir, it was the Subjedr. 

Jul Sit here then : Come, make not, good pretty Soul, 
Nor do not fear me ; I'll not do three Wrong. 

Viol. Why do you look fo on me ? 

Jul. I have Reafons. 

It puzzles my Philofophy, to think 
That the rude Blait hot Sun, and darning Rains 
Have made no fiercer War upon thy Youth ; 
Nor hurt the Bloom of that Vermilion Cheek. 
You weep too, do you not ? 

Viol Sometimes, I do. 

Jul. I weep fometimes too. You're extremely young. 

Viol. Indeed, I've feen more Sorrows far than Years. 

Jul. Yet all thefe have not broken your Complexion. 
You have a flrong Heart, and you are the happier. 
I warrant, you're a very loving Woman. * 

Viol. A Woman, Sir ? i fear, h'as found me our. 

[4fide. 

2 Sbep. He takes the Boy for a Woman. Mad, again! 
Jul. You've met fome Difappointment ; fome foul Play 

Has crofs'd your Love. I read it in your Face. 

Viol. You read a Truth then. 

Jul. Where can lie the Fault ? 

Is't in the Man, or Tome difiembling Knave, 
He put in Truft ? Ho ! have I hit the Caufe ? 

Viol. You're not far off. 



42 DoUBL-EFALSHOODjflr, 

. Jul. This World is full of Coz'ners, very full -, 
Young Virgins muft be wary in their Ways. 
I've known a Duke's Son do as great a Knavery. 
Will you be rul'd by me ? 

Viol. Yes. 

jul, Kill Yourfelf. 

'Twill be a Terror to the Villain's Confcience, 
The longeft Day he lives. 

Viol. By no means. What ? 

Commit Self-murther ! 

jul _. Yes ; I'll have it fo. 

1 Sbep t I fear, his Fit is returning, Take heed of 
all Hands. Sir, do you want any thing ? 

Jul. Thou ly'ft i thou can'ft not hurt me : I am proof 
'Gainft farther Wrongs. Steal clofe behind me, Lady. 
I will avenge Thee. 

Viol. Thank the Heav'ns, I'm free. 

Jul O trcach'rous, bafe Henriquez ! have I caught 
thee ? 

2 Shep. Help ! help ! good Neighbours ; he will kill 
me elfe. [Julio Jeizes on the Shepherd j 

[Violante runs out. 
Jul. Here thou malt pay thy Heart-blood for the 

Wrongs 

Thou'ft heap'd upon this Head. Faith-Breaker ! Villain ! 
I'll fuck thy Life- blood. 

i Sbep. Good Sir, have Patience ; this is no Hen- 
riquez. [They refcue the Shepherd. 

Jul Well; let him flink to Court, and hide a Co- 
ward ; 

Not all his Father's Guards mall fhield him there. 
Or if he prove too ftrong for mortal Arm, 
I will follicit ev'ry Saint in Heav'n 
To lend me Vengeance. I'll about it ftraight. 
The wrathful Elements mail wage this War ; 
Furies mall haunt him ; Vultures gnaw his Heart ; 
And Nature pour forth all her Stores of Plagues, 
To join in Punifliment of Truft betray 'd. [Exit Julio. 
2. Sbep. Go thy Ways, and a Vengeance go with 

Thee! 



DISTREST LOVERS. 43 

Thee ! Pray, feel my Nofe ; is it faft, Neighbours ? 

1 Sbep. 'Tis as well as may be. 

2 Sbep. He pull'd at it, as he would have dragg'da 
Bullock backward by the Tail. An't had been fomc 
Mens Nofe that I know, Neighbours, who knows 
where it had been now ? He has given me ftich a de- 
vi!i(h Dafh o'er the Mouth, that 1 feel, I mall never 
whiftle to rny Sheep again : Then they'll make Holy-day. 

i Sbep. Come, fhall we go ? for, I fear, if the Youth 
return, our fecond Courfe will be much more againlt 
our Stomachs. 

Maft. Walk you afore , I will but give my Boy 
Some Ihort Inftructions, and I'll follow ilraight. 
We'll cram a Cup together. 

i Sbep. Pray, do not linger. 

Maft. I will not, Sirs -, This muft not be a Boy ; 
His Voice, Mem, Gefture, every Thing he does, 
Savour of foft and female Delicacy, 
He but puts on this Seeming, and his Garb 
Speaks him of fuch a Rank, as well perfuades me, 
He plays the Swain, rather to cloak fome Purpofe, 
Than forced to't by a Need : I've waited long 
To mark the End he has in his Difguife ; 
But am not perfect in't. The Madman's Coil 
Has driv'n him making hence. Thefe Fears betray him. 
If he prove right, I'm happy. O, he's here. 

Enters Violante. 

Come hither, Boy ; where did you leave the Flock, 

Child ? 

Viol. Grazing below, Sir, What does he mean, 

toftroke Oneo'the Cheek fo? I hope, I'm not betray'd. 

Maft. Have you learnt the Whiftle yet, and when 

to Fold ? 
And how to make the Dog bring in the Strayers ? 

Viol Time, Sir, will furnifh me with all thefe Rules ; 
My Will is able, but my Knowledge weak, Sir. 
Maft. That's a good Child: Why doft thou blufb, 
my Boy ? 

'Tis 



44 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or y 

3 Tis certainly a Woman, [d/ide.] Speak, my Boy. 

Viol. Heav'n ! how I tremble. 'Tis unufual to me 
To find fuch Kindnefs at a Matler's Hand, 
That am a poor Boy, ev'ry way unable, 
Unlefs it be in Pray'rs, to merit it. 
Befides, I've often heard old People fay, 
Too much Indulgence makes Boys rude and fawcy. 

Maft. Are you io cunning ! 

Viol. ~-_ How his Eyes fhakeFire, 

And meafure ev'ry Piece of Youth about me ! [Af.de. 
The Ewes want Water, .bir : Shall I go drive 'em 
Down to the Cifterns ? Shall I make hafte, Sir ? 
'Would I were rive Miles from him How he gripes 
me ! [Afide. 

Maft. Come, come, all this is not fufficienr, Child, 
To make a Fool of me. This is a line Hand, 
A delicate fine Hand Never chunge Colour; 
You underftand me, and a Woman's Hand. 

VioL You're flrangely out : Yet if 1 were a Woman, 
I know, you are fo honeft and fo good. 
That thd* I wore Difguifes for fome Ends, 
You would not wrong me, 

Maft. Come, you're made for Love j 

Will you comply ? I'm madder with this Talk. 
There's nothing you can fay, can take my Edge off. 

Viol. Oh, do but quench thefe foul AfFecTiions in you, 
That, like bafe Thieves, have robb'd you of your Reafon, 
And I will be a Woman ; and begin 
So fad a Story, that if there be aught 
Of humane in you, or a Soul that's gentle, 
You cannot chufe but pity my loft Youth. 

Maft * No Stories now. 

Viol . Kill me directly, Sir ; 

As you have any Goodnefs, take my Life. 

Rod within. Hoa ! Shepherd, will you hear, Sir ? 

Maft. What bawling Rogue is that, i'th' Devil's 
Name ? 

VioL BltlTing^ upon him, whatfoe'er he be ! [Runs out. 

Enters 



DISTREST LOVERS. 45 

Enters Roderick. 

Red. Good Even, my Friend ; I thought, you all 
had been afleep in this Country. 

Maft. You had lied then j for you were waking, 
when you thought fo. 

Rod. I thank you, Sir. 

Maft. I pray, be cover'd ; 'tis not fo much worth, Sir. 

Rod. Was that thy Boy ran crying ? 

MJfl. Yes ; What then ? 

Rod. Why doft thou beat him fo ? 

Maft. To make him grow. 

Rod. A pretty Med'cine ! Thou can'ft not tell me 
the Way to the next Nunnery ? 

Maft. How do you know that ? Yes, I can tell 
you ; but the Queftion is, whether I will or no ; and, 
indeed, I will not. Fare you well. [Exit Matter. 

Rod. What a brute Fellow's this ! Are they all thus ? 
My Brother Henriquez tells me by his Letters, 
The Miftrefs of his Soul not far from hence 
Hath taken Sanctuary : from which he prays 
My Aid to bring her back. From what Camilla 
Hinted, I wear iome Doubts. Here 'tis appointed 
That we mould meet j it mult be here 5 'tis fo. 
He comes. 

Enters Henriquez. 

Now, Brother, what's this poft-hafte Bufinefs 

You hurry me about ? Some wenching Matter 

Henr. My Letter told you, Sir. 

Rod. ' fis true, it tells me, that you've loft a 

Miftrefs 
Whom your Heart bleeds for; but the Means to win 

her 
From her clofe Life, I take it,, is not mention'd. 

You're ever in thefe Troubles. 

Henr. Noble Brother, 

I own, I have too freely giv'n a Scope 

To 



46 DOUBLE FALSHOOD;0/V 

To Youth's intemp'rate Heat, and ralh Defires : 
But think not. that I would engage your Virtues 
To any Caufe, wherein my conftant Heart 
Attended not my Eye. 'Till now my Pafllons 
Reign'd in my Blood ; ne'er pierc'd into my Mind 5 
But I'm a Convert grown topureft Thoughts : 
And muft in Anguifh fpend my Days to come, 
If I poffefs not her : So much I love. 

Rod. The Means ? She's in a Cloyfter, is me not ? 
Within whofe Walls to enter as We are, 
Will never be : Few Men, but Fryars, come there ; 
Which We mail never make. 

Henr. If that would do it, 

I would make Any thing. 

Rod. > Are you fo hot ? 

I'll ferve him, be it but to fave his Honour. [dfide. 

To feign a Corpfe By th' Mafs, it mall be fo. 

We muft pretend, we do tranfport a Body 

As 'twere to's Funeral : and coming late by, 

Crave a Night's Leave to reft the Herfe i'th' Convent. 

That be our Courfe ; for to fuch Charity 

Stri<5t Zeal and Cuftom of the Houfe give way. 

Henr. And, opportune, a vacant Herfe pafs'd by 
From Rites but new perform'd ; This for a Price 
We'll hire, to put our Scheme in Act. Ho ! Gerald 

\Enter Gerald, whom Henriquez whifpers ; then Ge- 
rald goes out. 

Rod. When we're once lodg'd, the Means of her 

Conveyance, 

By fafe and fecrct Force, with Eafe we'll compafs. 
But, Brother, know my Terms. If that your Miftrefs 
Will to the World come back, and fhe appear 
An Object worthy in our Father's Eye, 
Wooeher, and win her ; but if his Confent 
Keep not Pace with your Purpofe 

Henr. Doubt it not. 

I've look'd not with a common Eye ; butchofe 
A noble Virgin, who to make her fo, 

Has 



The DISTREST LOVERS. 47 

Has all the Gifts of Heav'n and Earth upon her. 
If ever Woman yet could be an Angel, 
She is the neareft. 

Rod. Well ; a Lover's Praife 

Feaftsnota common Ear. Now to our Plot; * 
We lhall bring Night in with Us. [Exeunt. 

SCENE II. 

Enter Julio, and Two Gentlemen. 

Gent. Good Sir, compofe yourfelf. 

Jul. O Leonora, 

That Heav'n had made Thee ftronger than a Woman, 
How happy had I been ! 

Gent. He's calm again : 

I'll take this Interval to work upon Him. 

Thefe wild and iblitary Places, Sir, 

But feed your Pain ; let better Reafon guide you ; 

And quit this forlorn State, that yields no Comfort. 

[Lute founds within. 
Jul. Ha ! hark, a Sound from Heav'n ! Do you hear 

Nothing ? 

Gent. Yes, Sir ; the Touch of fome fweet Inftrument : 
Here's no Inhabitant. 

7*/4 No, no, the better. 

Gent. This is a ftrange Place to hear Mufick in. 
Jul. I'm often vifited with thefe fweet Airs. 
The Spirit of fome haplefs Man that dy'd, 
And left his Love hid in a faithlefs Woman, 
Sure haunts thefe Mountains. [Violante^?^ within. 
Fond Echo ! forego thy light Strain, 
And beedfully bear a loft Maid ; 
Go, tell thefalfe Ear of the Swain 

Hew deeply his Vows have betrafd. 
Go, tell him, what Sorrows I bear ; 

See, yet if his Heart feel my Woe : 
9 Tis now he muft heal my Defpair, 
Or Death will make Pity too flow. 

Cent. 
4 



48 DOUBLE FALSEHOOD* ar, 

Gent. See, how his Sojl drives in him ! This fad 

Strain 
Has fearch'd him to the Heart. 

Jul. Excellent Sorrow ! 
Yeu never lov'd ? 

Gent. No. 

j#/. Peace j and learn to grieve then. 



Go, tell him, what Sorrows I bear ; 

See, yet if his Heart feel my Wot : 
"Tis now he muft heal my Defpair, 

Or Death will make Pity too flow. 

Is not this heav'nly ? 

Gent. I never heard the like, Sir. 

Jul. I'll tell you, my good Friends j but pray, fay 

Nothing ; 

Pm ftrangely touch*d with This. The heav'nly Sound 
Diffufes a fweet Peace thro* all my Soul. 
But yet I wonder, what new, fad, Companion 
Grief has brought hither to out-bid my Sorrows. 
Stand off, Hand off, fland off ..... Friends, it appears. 

Enters Violante. 

Viol How much more grateful are thefe craggy 

Mountains, 

And thefe wild Trees, than things of nobler Natures, 
For Thefe receive my Plaints, and mourn again 
In many Echoes to me. All good People 
Are fain afleep forever. None are left, 
That have the Senfe, and Touv-h of Tendernefs 
For Virtue's fake : No, fcarce their Memory : 
From whom J may exped: Counfel in Fears, 
Eafe to Complainings, or Redrefs of Wrongs. 

Jul. This a moving Sorrow, but fay nothing. 

Viol What Dangers have 1 run, and to what Infults 
Expos'd this Ruin of my felf ? Oh ! Mifcbief 
On that Soul-fpotted Hind, my vicious Matter ! 

Who 



The DISTREST LOVERS; 49 

Who would have thought, that fuch poor Worms as 

they 
(Whofe beft Feed is coarfe Bread; whofe Bev'rage, 

Water ;) 

Should have fo much rank Blood ? I make all over, 
And blufh to think what had become of me, 
If that good Man had not relieved me from him. 

Jul. Since fhe is not Leonora y me is heav'nly. ^s 
When fhe fpeaks next, liften as feriouQy 
As Women do that have their Loves at Sea, 
What Wind blows ev'ry Morning. 

Viol. I cannot get this falfe Man's Memory 
Out of my Mind. You, Maidens, that mail live 
To hear my mournful Tale, when I am Ames, 
Be wife ; and to an Oath no more give Credit, 
To Tears, to Vows (falfe Both !) or any Thing 
A Man mail promife, than to Clouds, that now 
Bear fuch a pleafing Shape, and now are nothing. 
For they will cozen (if they may be cozen'd) 
The very Gods they worfhip. Valour, Juftice, 
Difcretion, Honefty, and all they cover, 
To make them feeming Saints, are but the Wiles 
By which thefe Syrens Jure us to Deftruc~lion. 

Jul. Do not you weep now ? I could drop myfelf 
Into a Fountain for her. 

Gent. She weeps extremely. 

Jul. Let her weep; 'tis well: 

Her Heart will break elfe. Great Sorrows live in Tears. 

Viol. O falfe Henri quez ! 

Jul. Ha! 

Viol, And Oh, thou Fool, 

Forfeken Violantel whofe Belief 

And childifh Love have made thee fo 'go, die ; 

For there is nothing left thee now to look for, 

That can bring Comfort, but a quiet Grave. 

There all the Miferies I long have felt, 

And thofe to come, mall fweetly deep together. 

Fortune may guide that falfe Henriquez hither, 

To weep Repentance o'er my pale, ckuid Corfe, 

E And 



50 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or, 
And cheer my wand'ring Spirit with thofe lov'd Obfe- 
quies. [Going. 

Jul. Stay, Lady, (lay : Can it be poffible 
That you are Fiolante? 

That loft Name, 



Spoken by One that needs muft know my Fortunes, 
Has taken much Fear from me. Who are you, Sir ? 
For fure I am that hopelefs Violante. 

Jul. And I, as far from any earthly Comfort 

/That I know yet, the much-wrong'd Julio 1 
Viol. ~ ----- Julio I 
Jul. I once was thought fo. - If the curft 

Henriquez 

Had Pow'r to change you to a Boy, why, Lady, 
Should not that Milchief make me any thing 
That have an equal Share in all the Miferies 
His Crimes have flung upon us? 

Well I know it: 



And pardon me, I could not know your Virtues 
Before your Griefs. Methought, when laft we met, 
The Accent of your Voice flruck on my Ear 
Like fomething I had known, but Floods of Sorrow 
Drown'd the Remembrance. If you'll pleafe to fie, 
(Since I have found a fufFring true Companion) 
And give me Hearing, I will tell you fomething 
Of Leonora that may comfort you. 

Jul. Bleffing upon thee ! Henceforth, I proteft 
Never to leave thee, if Heav'n fay Amen. 
But, foft ! let's fhift our Ground, guide our fad Steps 
To fbme remoter Gloom, where, undifturb'd, 
We may compare our Woes ; dwell on the Tale 
Of mutual Injuries, till our Eyes run o'er, 
And we infect each other with frefli Sorrows. 
Talk'd you of Comfort ? 'Tis the Food of Fools, 
And we'll have none on't ; but indulge Defpair : 
So, worn with Griefs, ftcal to the Cave of Death, 
And in a Sigh give up our lateft Breath. [Exeunt. 

fbt End of tbt Fourth Aft. 

ACT 



The DISTREST LOVERS. 




ACTV. SCENE I. 



SCENE, 



Profpetf of 
tains continued. 



the Moun- 



Enter Roderick, Leonora veil'd, Henriquez, Atten- 
dants as Mourners. 

Rod. TJEST certain, Lady, nothing (hall betide 

IV you 

But fair and noble Ufage. Pardon me, 
That hitherto a Courfe of Violence 
Has fnatch'd you from that Seat of Contemplation 
To which you gave your After-Life. 

Leon. Where am I ? 

Rod. Not in the Nunnery ; never blufh, nor trem- 
ble ; 

Your Honour has as fair a Guard as when 
Within a Cloifter. Know then, what is done, 
(Which, I prefume, you underftand not truly) 
Has this Ufe, to preferve the Life of One 
Dying for Love of You, my Brother and your 

Friend : 

Under which Colour we defir'd to reft 
Our Herfe one Night within your hallow'd Walls, 
Where we furpriz'd you. 

Leon. Are you that Lord Roderick 

So fpoken of for Virtue and fair Life, 
And dare you lofe thefe to be Advocate 
For fuch a Brother, fuch a finful Brother, 

E 2 Such 



52 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or, 
Such an unfaithful, treacherous, brutal Brother ? 

Rod. This is a fearful Charge. 

[Looks at Henriquez, 

Leon. If you would have me 

Think you ftill bear Refpect for Virtue's Name ; 
As you would wifh your Daughters, thus diftrefs'd, 
Might find a Guard, protect me from Henrique*, 
And I am happy. 

Rod. Come, Sir, make your Anfwer j 
For as I have a Soul, I am alham'd on't. 

Henr. O Leonora! fee, thus felf-condemn'd, 
I throw me at your Feet, and fue for Mercy. 
If I have err'd, impute it to my Love ; 
The Tyrant God that bows us to his Sway, 
Rebellious to the Laws of reas'ning Men ; 
That will not have his Vot'ries Actions fcann'd, 
But calls it Juftice when we moft obey him. 
He but commanded, when your Eyes infpir'd ; 
Whofe facred Beams, darted into my Soul, 
Have purg'd the Manfion from impure Defires, 
And kindled in my Heart a Veftal's Flame. 

Leon. Rife, rife, my Lord ; this well-difiemblej 

Paffion 

-Has gain'd you nothing but a deeper Hate. 
Should I imagine he can truly love me, 
That, like a Villain, numhers my Defires ? 
Or mould I drink that Wine, and think it Cordial, 
When I fee Poifon in't? 

Rod. Draw this way, Lady ; 

1 am not perfect in your Story yet; 

But fee you've had fome Wrongs that want Redrefs. 

Only you muft have Patience to go with us 

To yon fmall Lodge, which meets the Sight fron 

hence, 

Where your Diftrefs (hall find the due Refpect : 
Till when, your Griefs mall govern me as much 
As Nearnefs and Affection to my Brother. 
Call my Attendants yours, and ufc them freely ; 

Fc 



The DISTREST LOVERS. 53 

For as I am a Gentleman, no Pow'r 
Above your own Will mall come near your Perfon. 
[As they are going out, Violante enters, and plucks 

Roderick by the Sleeve ; the reft go out.] 
Vhl. Your Ear a Moment : Scorn not my tender 

Youth. 

Rod. Look to the Lady there. I follow ftrait. 
What ails this Boy ? Why doft thou fingle me ? 

Viol. The due Obfervance of your noble Virtue, 
Vow'd to this mourning Virgin, makes me bold 
To give it more Employment. 

Rod. Art not thou 

The furly Shepherd's Boy, that, when I call'd 
To know the Way, ran crying by me? 

Viol. Yes, Sir. 

And I thank Heav'n and you for helping me. 
Rod. How did I help thee, Boy? 
Viol. I do but feem fo, Sir ; and am indeed 
A Woman j one your Brother once has lov'd, 
Or, Heav'n forgive him elfe, he ly'd extremely. 
Rod. Weep not, good Maid. O this licentious 

Brother ! 
But how came you a Wand'rer on thefe Mountains ? 

Viol. That, as we pafs, an't pleafe you, I'll difcover. 
I will aflure you, Sir, thefe barren Mountains 
Hold many Wonders of your Brother's making. 
Here wanders haplefs Julio ^ worthy Man ! 

Befides himfclf with Wrongs 

Rod. That once again- 

Viol. Sir, I faid, Julio. Sleep weigh'd down his 

Eyelids, 

Opprefs'd with Watching, juft as you approach'd us. 
Rod. O Brother! W 7 e {hall found the Depths of 

Falfhood. 

If this be true ; no more, but guide me to him : 
I hope a fair End will fucceed all yet. 
If it be he, by your Leave, gentle Brother, 
I'll fee him fcrv'd firft. Maid, you have o'erjoy'd me. 
E 3 Thou 



54 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; cr, 
Thou (halt have Right too: Make thy fair Appeal 
To the good Duke, and doubt not but thy Tears 
Shall be repaid with Intereft from his Juftice. 
Lead me to Julio. [Exeunt. 

S C E N E II. An Apartment in the Lodge. 
Enter the Duke, Don Bernard, and Camillo. 

Cam. Ay, then your Grace had had a Son more \ 
he, a Daughter ; and I, an Heir : But let it be as 'tis, 
I cannot mend it ; one Way or other I fhall rub it 
over with rubbing to my Grave, and there's an End on't, 

Duke. Our Sorrows cannot help us, Gentlemen. 

Cam. Hang me, Sir, if I fhed one Tear more. By 
Jove, I've wept fo long, I'm as blind as Juftice. When 
J come to fee my Hawks (which I held a Toy next to 
my Son) if they be but Houfe-high, I muft Itand 
aiming at them like a Gunner. 

Duke. Why, he mourns like a Man. Don Bernard, 

you 

Are (till like April* full of Show'rs and Dews, 
And yet I blame you not ; for I myfelf 

Feel the felf-fame Affections. Let them go j 

They're difobedient Children. 

D. Bern. Ay, my Lord ; 

Yet they may turn again. 

Cam. Let them e'en have their Swing ; they're young 
and wanton; the next Storm we (hall have them gal- 
lop homeward, whining as Pigs do in the Wind. 

J). Bern. Would I had my Daughter any way. 

Cam. Would'ft thou have her with Beam, Man tell 
me that? 

D. Bern. I care not, if an honed Father got it. 

Cam. You might have had her fo in this good Time, 
Had my Son had her : Now you may go feck 
Your Fool to flop a Gap with. 

Duke. 



The DISTREST LOVERS. 55 

Duke. You fay, that Rcd'rick charg'd you here mould i- 

wait him: 

He has o'erflipp'd the Time, at which his Letters 
Of Speed requeft that I mould alfo meet him. 
I fear, fome bad Event is ufher'd in 
By this Delay : How now ? 

Enter a Gentleman^ 

Cent. So pleafe your Grace, 
Lord Roderick makes Approach. 

Duke. -I thank thee, Fellow, 

For thy fo timely News : Comes he alone ? 

Gent. No, Sir, attended well ; and in his Train 
Follows a Herfe with all due Rites of Mourning. 

[Exit Gent. 

Duke. Heav'n fend Henriquez lire! 

Cam. > -'Tis my poor Julio. 

Enters Roderick, baftily. 

Duke. O welcome, welcome, 
Welcome, good Rod'rick ! Say, what News ? 

Cam. Do you bring Joy or Grief, my Lord ? For me, 
Come what can come, I'll live a Month or two 
If the Gout pleafe, curfe my Phy Titian once more, 
And then 

Under this Stone 
Lies Sev'nty-one. 

Rod. Signior, you do exprefs a manly Patience. 
My noble Father, fomething I have brought 
To eafe your Sorrows : My Endeavours have not 
Been altogether barren in my Journey. 

Duke. It comes at need, Boy ; but I hop'd it from 
thee. 

E 4 Enter 



j6 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or, 

Enter Leonora veil'd^ Henriquez behind, and At- 
tendants. 

Rod. The Company I bring will bear me Witnefs 
The bufieft of my Time has been employ'd 
On this good Tafk. Don Bernard finds beneath 

is Veil his Daughter ; you, my Royal Father, 
Behind that Lady find a wanci'ring Son. 
How I met with them, and how brought them hither, 
More Leifure mull unfold. 

Henr. My Father here! 

And Julio's\ O Confufion! Low as Earth 

I bow me for your Pardon. p* the Duke. 

D. Bern. O my Girl ! 
Thou bring'ft new Life. [Embraces Leonora. 

Duke. And you, my Son, reftore me [To Roderick. 
One Comfort here that has been miffing long. 
J hope thy Follies thou haft left abroad. (70 Henriq. 

Cam. Ay, ay ; you've all Comforts but I , you have 
ruin'd me, kill'd my poor Boy ; cheated and ruin'd him ; 
and I have no Comfort. 

Rod. Be patient, Signior j Time may guide my 

Hand 
To work you Comfort too. 

Cam. I thank your Lordfhip ; 

Would Grandfire Time had been fa kind r.o Ve done it, 
We might havejoy'd together like good Fellows , 
But he's fo full of Bufinefs, good Old Man, 
'Tis Wonder he could do the Goad he has done. 

D. Bern. Nay, Child, be comforted. Thefe Tears 
diffract me. 

Duke. Hear your good Father, Lady. 

Leon. Willingly. 

Duke. The Voice of Parents is the Voice of Gods : 
For to their Children they are Heav'n's Lieutenants; 
\"Made Fathers, not for common Uies merely 
Qf Procreation (Beads and Birds would be 

As 



The DISTREST LOVERS. 57 

As nobie then as we are) ; but to fteer 
The wanton Freight of Youth thro* Storms and Dan- 
gers, 

Which with full Sails they bear upon, and (heighten 
The moral Line of Life they bend fo often : 
[JFor thefe are we made Fathers, and for thefe 
May challenge Duty on our Children's Part. 
Obedience is the Sacrifice of Angels, 
Whofe Form you carry. 

D. Bern. Hear the Duke, good Wench. 
Leon. I do moft needfully. My gracious Lord, 

[To the Duke. 

Let me be fo unmanner'd to requeft 
He would not farther prefs me with Perfuafions 
O'th J inilant Hour ; but have the gentle Patience 
To bury this keen Suit, till I (hake Hands 

With my old Sorrows, 

Cam. i Why doft look at me ? 

Alas ! I cannot help thee. 

Leon. And but weep 

A Farewell to rny murther'd Julio. 

Cam. Bleffing be with thy Soul whene'er it leaves 

thee! 
Leon. For fuch fad Rites mud be performed, my 

Lord, 

E'er I can love again. Maids that have lov'd, 
If they be worth that nobie Teftimony, 
Wear their Loves here, my Lord ; here, in their 

Hearts ; 

Deep, deep within ; not in their Eyes or Accents ; 
Such may be (lipp'd away ; or with true Tears 
W T afh'd out of all Remembrance : Mine, no Phyfick, 
But Time or Death, can cure. 

Henr. You make your own Conditions, and I feal 

them 
Thus on your virtuous Hand. [Jfide. 

Cam. Well, Wench, thy Equal 
Shall not be found in hade 5 I give thee that : 

Thou 



^8 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or, 
Thou art a right one, ev'ry Inch. Thy Father 

(For, without Doubt, that Snuff never begot thee) 
Was fome choice Fellow, fome true Gentleman ; 

I give thy Mother Thanks for't -there's no Harm 

done.' 

Would I were young again, and had but thee, 
A good Horfe under me, and a good Sword, 

And thus much for Inheritance. 

[Violante offers, once or twice, to Jbew 
her f elf, but gees back. 

Duke. What Boy's chat 
Has offered twice or thrice to break upon us ? 
I've noted him, and ftill he falls back fearful. 

Rod. A little Boy, Sir, like a Shepherd ? 

Duke. Yes. 

Rod. 'Tis your Page, Brother ; One that 
was fo, late. 

Uenr. My Page ! What Page ? 

Rod. Even fo he fays, your Page ; 

And more, and worfe, you ftole him from his Friends, 
And prorois'd him Pieferment. 

Henr. I, Preferment ! 

Rod. And on fome flight Occafion let him flip 
Here on thefe Mountains, where he had been ftarv'd 
Had not my People found him as we travell'd. 
This was not handfome, Brother. 

Henr. You are merry. 

Rod. You'll find it fober Truth. 

Duke. If fo, 'tis ill. 

Henr. 'Tis Fiction all, Sir Brother, you muft 

pleafe 
To look fome other Fool to put thefe Tricks on ; 

They are too obvious: Pieafe your Grace, give 

Leave 

T* admit the Boy ; if he know me, and fay 
I ftole him from his Friends, and caft him off, 

Know me no more. Brother, pray do not wrong 

me. 

Enter* 



The DISTREST LOVERS. 59 

Enters Viol ante. 

Rod. Here is the Boy. If he deny this to you, 
Then I have wrong'd you, 

Duke. Hear me : What's thy Name, Boy ? 

Viol. Florio, an't like your Grace. 

Duke. A pretty Child. 

Where waft thou born ? 

Viol. On t'other Side the Mountains, 

Duke. What are thy Friends ? 

Viol. A Father, Sir ; but poor. 

Duke. How cameft thou hither ? how to leave thy 
Father ? 

Viol. That noble Gentleman pleas'd once to like 
me. [Pointing to Henriquez. 

And, not to lie, fo much to doat upon me, 
That with his Promifes he won my Youth 
And Duty from my Father : Him 1 follow'd. 

Rod. How fay you now, Brother ? 

Cam. Ay, my Lord, how fay you ? 

Hen. As I have Life and Soul, 'tis all a Trick, Sir. 
I never faw the Boy before. 

Viol O Sir, 

Call not your Soul to witnefs in a Wrong : 
And 'tis not noble in you to defpife 
What you have made thus. If I lie, let Juflice 
Turn all her Rods upon me. 

Duke. ' Fye, Henriquez ; 

There is no Trace of Cunning in this Boy. 

Cam. A good Boy ! Be not fearful : Speak thy 

Mind, Child. 

Nature, fure, meant thou fhould'ft have been a Wench j 
And then't had been no Marvel he had bobb'd thee. 

Duke. Why did he put thee from him ? 

Viol. That to me 

Is yet unknown, Sir ; for my Faith he could not, 
I never did deceive him j for my Service 

He 



60 DOUBLE PALSHOODj 0r, 

He had no juft Caufe ; what my Youth was able 
My Will ftill put in At to pleafe my Matter : 
I cannot fteal, therefore that can be nothing 
To my Undoing : No, nor lie ; my Breeding, 
Tho' it be plain, is honeft. \Weeps. 

Duke. Weep not, Child. 

Cam. This Lord has abufed Men, Women, and 
Children already : What farther Plot he has, the Devil 
knows. 

Duke. If thou can'ft bring a Witnefs of thy Wrong, 
(Elfe it would be Injuftice to believe thee, 
He having fworn againft it) thou malt have, 
I bind it with my Honour, Satisfaction 
To thine own Wiflies. 

Viol. I defire no more, Sir. 

I have a Witnefs, and a noble one 
For Truth and Honefty. 

Rod. Go, bring him hither. [Exit Violante. 

Henr. This lying Boy will take him to his Heeh, 
And leave me flander'd. 

Rod. No ; I'll be his Voucher. 

Henr. Nay then, 'tis plain this is Confederacy. 

Rod. That he has been an Agent in your Service 
Appears from this. Here is a Letter, Brother, 
(Produc'd, perforce, to give him Credit with me) ; 
The Writing, yours ; the Matter, Love -, for fo, 
He fays, he can explain it. 

Cam. Then, belike, 

A young He-bawd. 

Hen. This Forgery confounds me ! 

Duke. Read it, Roderick. 

Rod. Reads.] Our Prudence Jhould now teach us to 
forget what our Indifcretion has 
committed. 1 have already made one 
Step towards this Wisdom 

Henr. Hold, Sir. My very Words to Violante! 

{Afidt. 

Duke. Go on. 

lienr. 



DISTREST LOVERS. 61 

Henr. My gracious Father, give me Pardon , 

I do confefs I fome fuch Letter wrote 

(The Purport all too trivial for your Ear) 

But how it reach'd this young Diffembler's Hands, 

Is what I cannot folve. For on my Soul, 

And by the Honours of my Birth and Houfe, 

The Minion's Face till now I never faw. 

Rod. Run not too far in Debt on Proteftation. 
Why fhould you do a Child this Wrong ? 

Henr. Go to ; 

Your Friendfhips pad warrant not this Abufe : 
If you provoke me thus, I mall forget 
What you are to me. This is a mere Practice 
And Villainy to draw me into Scandal. 

Red. No more -, you are a Boy. Here comes a 

Witnefs 
Shall prove you fo : No more. 

Enter Julio, difguis'd ; Violante, as a Woman. &* 

Henr. Another Rafcal ! 

Duke. Hold ! 

Henr. Ha ! [Seeing Violante. 

Duke. What's here ? 

Henr. By all my Sins, the injur'd Violante I {Afi&e. 

Rod. Now, Sir, whole Practice breaks ? 

Cam. Is this a Page ? p* Henr. 

Rod. One that has done him Service, 
And he has paid her for't ; but broke his Covenant. 

Viol. My Lord, I come not now to wound your 

Spirit; 

Your pure Affection dead, which firft betray'd me, j /^ 
My Claim die with it ! Only let me not 
Shrink to the Grave with Infamy upon me; 
Protect my Virtue tho* it hurt your Faith, 
And my lad Breath fhall fpeak Henriquez noble. 

Henr. What a fierce Conflict Shame and wounded ' 
Honour 

5 Raife 



6 2 DOUBLE FALSHOOD; or, 

Raife in my Breaft ! but Honour mail o'ercome. 

She looks as beauteous and as innocent 

As when I wrong'd her. Virtuous Violantel 

Too good for me ! dare yoQ ftill love a Man 

So faithlefs as I am ? I know you love me. 

Thus, thus, and thus, I print my vow'd Repentance : 

Let ail Men read it here. My gracious Father, 

Forgive, and make me rich with your Confent : 

This is my Wife ; no other would I chufe 

Were {he a Queen. 

Cam. Here's a new Change ! Bernard looks dull upon't. 

Henr. And fair Leonora, from whofe Virgin Arms 
I forc'd my wrong'd Friend Julio, O forgive me. 
Take home your holy Vows, and let him have 'em 
That has deferv'd them. O that he were here ! 
That I might own the Bafenefs of my Wrong, 
And purpos'd Recompence. My Violante* 
I You mutt again be widow'd j for I vow 
A ceafelefs Pilgrimage, ne'er to know Joy 
Till I can give it to the injur'd Julio. 

Cam. This almoft melts me But my poor loft 

Boy! 

Rod. I'll flop that Voyage, Brother. Gentle Lady, 
What think you of this honeft Man ? 

Leon. Alas ! 

My Thoughts, my Lord, were all employ'd within : 
He has a Face makes me remember fomething 
I have thought well of: How he looks upon me 1 
. Poor Man ! he weeps. Ha ! ftay j it cannot he- 
He has his Eye, his Features, Shape, and Gefture. 
Would he would fpeak. 

JuL Leonora ! [Throws off bis Difguife. 

Leon. Yes, 'tis he ! 

O Ecftacy of Joy ! [They embrace. 

Cam. Now, what's the Matter? 

Rod. Let 'em alone 5 they're almoft ftarv'd for 
Kiffc-s. 

Cam. Scand Forty Foot off ^ no Man trouble 'em. 

Much 



The DISTREST LOVERS. 63 

Much Good may'tdo your Hearts ! What is he, Lord, 
What is he ? 

Rod. A certain Son of yours. 

Cam. The Devil he is. 

Rod. If he be the Devil, that Devil muft call you 
Father. 

Cam By your Leave a little, ho Are you my Julio ? 

Jul. My Duty tells me fo, Sir, 
Still on my Knees. But Love engrofs'd me all : 

Leonora, do I once more hold thee ? 

Cam. Nay, to't again : I will not hinder you a Kifs. 
'Tishe! [Leaps. 

Leon. The righteous Pow'rs at length have crown'd 

our Loves. 

Think, Julio, from the Storm that's now o'erblown, 
Tho* four Affliction combat Hope awhile, 
When Lovers fwear true Faith, the lift'ning Angels 
Stand on the golden Battlements of Heav'n, 
And waft their Vows to the Eternal Throne. 
Such were our Vows, and fo are they repaid. 

Duke. E'en as you are, we'll join your Hands to- 
gether. 

A Providence above our Pow'r rules all. 
Afk him Forgivenefs, Boy. [ $9 Henriquez. 

Jul. He has it, Sir : I } 

The Fault was Love's, not his. 

Henr. Brave, gen'rous Julio ! 

1 knew thy Noblenefs of old, and priz'd it, 

Till Pafiion made me blind. Once more, my Friend, 
Share in a Hcarc that ne'er (hall wrong thee more. 
And, Brother - 

Rod. This Embrace cuts offExcufes. 

Duke. I mull, in Part, repair my Son's Offence : 
At your beft Leifure, Julio, know our Court. 
And, Violante (for 1 know you now) 
I have a Debt to pay : Your good old Father 
Once, when I chas'd the Boar, prcferv'd my Life: 
For that good Deed, and for your Virtue's Sake, 

Tho* 



64 DOUBLE FALSHOOD, &c. 

Tho* your Defcent be low, call me your Father. 
A Match drawn out of Honefty and Goodnefs 
Is Pedigree enough. -- Are you all pleas'd ? 

[Gives her to Henriquez. 
Camil All. 



Jul. All. 

Duke. And I not leaft. We'll now return to Court : 
(And that fhort Travel, and your Loves compleated, 
Shall, as I truft, for Life reftrain thefe Wand'rings:) 
There the Solemnity and Grace I'll do 
Your fev'ral Nuptials, fhall approve my Joy, 
And make griev'd Lovers that your Story read, 
Wifh true Love's Wand'rings may like yours fucceed. 

\Curtainfalls. 



FINIS. 



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