Monsieur Tonson. A popular farce, in two acts:

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MONSIEUR TOiNSON.

BY Wr, T. MOI^CRIEFF, B»Q,.,

Avtlior of " The Somnamhuhst ," ^'■Spectt e Bridefrromn ;'
" Tom and Jen y ;" '■'Catai act of the Ganrres ;" <^c.

PHlNlt-D IROM lllL ACTING (OP^,
WITH COSTUME, CAST OF CIIVRACTERS, AND THE \i HOLE OF

AS NOW I'ERFORMFD IN ALI

THE PRINCIPAL THEATRES

11^^

1

TUKNEIi & l-ISHER, 11 N. SIXrHSr.", ///' f^
^A 52 CHATHAM ST., NEW-YORK. " " * • I' ^^J

4

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COSTUME.

MONSIEUR MORS LEU.— Striped coat with large' but-
tons, white waistcoat embroidered, red breeches, striped
stockings, shoes and buckles.

MR/ THOMPSON —Slate colour coat, embroidered
waistcoat, slate color breeches, white stockings, shoes and
buckles.

TOM KING. — Fashionable frock coat and waistcoat,
white cord breeches, and top-boots.

JACK ARDOURLY.— Blue coat, white waistcoat and
trowsers.

RUSTY". — Brown coat and breeches, red waistcoat.

USEFUL. — Light blue livery jacket, striped waistcoat,
white breeches, and top boots.

NAP. — Watchman's coat and red night cap.

TRAP & WANTEM.— Frock coats, red waistcoats, drab
breeches and gaiters.

FIP.— Brown fashionable coat, white waistcoat, and
etriped trowsers.

WAITER. — Blue coat, striped waistcoat, white breeches
and stockings.

ADOLPHINE. — A white leno morning dress, white chip
hat.

M ADx\ME BELLEGARDE— Embroidered satin gown,
red petticoat with furbelows, a high French cap, and high
heel shoes.

MRS. THOMPSON.— A white muslin pelisse, fashion-
able bonnet, scarf, &c.

STAGE REMARKS;

R. means Risrht; L. Left; C.Centre; R. C. Ri^ht of
Centre ; L. C. Left of Centre ; D. F. Door in Flat ; R. D.
Right Door ; L.' D. Left Door ; S. E. Second Entrance ;
U. E. Upper Entrance ; C. D. Centre Door.

*^* Tke Reader is supposed to be on the Stage^ facing
the Audience.

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MONSIEUR TONSON.

ACT T.

SCENE I. Hart Street, Bloomshury. Evening.

Enter Adolphine, hastily, l.

Adolphine, Am I in safety ? (Looking round.) Yes ; I
have, at length, eluded my pursuer. Unfortunate Adolphine !
Is it not enough that I am an emigrant from my native
France ; that an impenetrable mystery hangs over my birth;
that I am only prevented being wholly dependant on tho
meagre exertions of one as wretched as myself, for support,
by the sale of a few trifling drawings; but whenever, as
now, I venture out, I must be the sport and prey of every
libertine I meet? {Noise without, l») Ah! let me fly! he
is here again ! Wretched, wretched girl ! [Exit, hastily.

Enter Ardourly in pursuit, l.

Ardourly. Confusion ! she has escaped me once more.
What an unlucky dog I am ! to behold the only object I
feel I can ever love, merely to lose her. Never did torment-
ing fate lead a man astray with such beauteous will-o'-the
wisps, as those piercing sparklers and twinkling little feet
of her's. She's lost — I'm lost — we're both lost. What the

devil shall I do ? D e, I'll raise a hue and cry — I'll —

but — no, 1 11 not give her up. Yet, which way has she
gone ? which way must I go ? Here's a stranger coming,
I'll inquire if he has seen her.

Enter Tom Kino, r.

Pray, sir, have you seen a young woman I — Eh ? why
zounds ! 'tis my old friend, Tom King.

King. What, Jack Ardourly I inquiring after a petticoat
in the neighborhood of Monmouth-street ? We shall have
Cupid turning old clothesman next. But, egad ! my dear
lad, I'm devilish glad to see you. Why, I haven't l^ad the
pleasure of meeting with you since your rich uncle, old
A*

« MONSIEUR TONSON.

Thompson, popped so suddenly from the clouds, and made
you presumptive heir to one of the first fortunes in the
three kingdoms ; I congratulate you, faith I

Ardourly. Congratubte me I pity mc. What's the find-
ing an old -uncle, to the loosing an angelic giri ? What's
the favour of fortvme to the mulice of fate ? I am the most
miserable dog in existence !

King. Miserable about a wench ! muslin-struck, quite.
Ha, ha, ha ! Some tea-drinking milliner, I warrant her ;
jdaying at hide and seek to some wealthjy fool to wed her.
Was there ever such folly ? Oh I Jack Ardourly, Jack
Ardourly !

Ardourly- Laugh at me, if you please, but hear me.
If love is a folly, it is one I am up to my neck in. Ten
minutes since, my heart was as free as j'our's ; but, as the
mischievous spirit of Cupid would have it, making a short
cut from Long's, I met a lovely girl, who instantaneously
ctFected a conquest of me ; I started my fair ganje in Soho,
she declined my attentions in Oeek.strect, bade me leave
her in the most imperative mood imaginable; assumed tra-
gedy airs in Berwick*street, ga^e me the slip in Cranbourn
alley, and was lost in St Martin's-lane- I tracked the dear
angel again in St. Giles's, but again parted with her and
my heart in —

King. Hart-street, Bloom sbury-squar^. Ha, ha I This
is whimsical enough ; but what sort of a divinity is this
walking Venus, this flying goddess, this hunting Diana, of
your's ?

Ardourly. Her dress and manners are evidently FrencJi,
but her person is heavenly; her —

King. Ah ! I see ; one of those pretty emigrants we have
lately imported from Paris, with crther French toys, to
adorn our streets and amuse our leisiare hours. I'll soon
rout her for you, my boy ! we'll set out on a voyage of dis-
covery directly- What latitude did she sail in ?

Ardourly. I last missed her in this direction.

[Pointing off", K

King. Aliens ! then, you shall find me as sharp as a
needle, in guiding you to this polar star of beauty ot* your's.
We'll search every Frenchman's house in London, but we'll
find her. We'll rummage Paddington, rout out Pancras,
peep into Pentonville, summons Clerkcnwcll, and scour the
Seven Dial* for her.

MONSIKUR TONSON. 9

Ardourly. And do you think we shall succeed?

King. When did Tom King- ever fail, when the object
was to serve a frie»}d and to promote mirth? I'll make you
happy, my lad I Zounds! for a quiz, a hoax, a joke, a jest,
a song-, a dance, a catch, a talc, a race, or a row, Tom King-
would'nt turn his back on any man in Eagland. A'n't I
the choice spirit of the day, the jolly dog, the roaring boy,
the knowing lad, the rare blood, the prime buck, the rum
soul, the funny fellow ? Emperor of the Cockoniuns ! Chair-
man of the Jacks I General of the Lubber Troop ! Master
of the Mugs 1 Chief of the F^ccentrics ! Member of Daffy's !
President of thr> Flounder Club! Founder of the Snugs!
Passed Noble Grand of the Odd Fellows I and Vice of half

the Freemasons' Lodges in the kingdom ! Oh, d e I

Tom King's the man ! so come along, my boy.

[Exeunt, r.

Enter Thompson and Rusty, l.

Rusty.. Well, well, master, I don't mind letting you have
the run oi the key for an hour or two, if I go with you, and
you can shew good cause.

Thompson. I can, I can. These French drawings which
I sent you to purchase in Rathbone-place, that I might
refresh my memory of Paris, are subscribed with a name
that has unsettled all my plans again. Sec, Rusty, sec —
Adolphine de Courcy ! the very maiden name of my lost
wife ! The owner of this name lives, you say, in Seven
Dials ?

Rustu. Ay; with Mounseer Morbleu, a French barber,
one of your emigrants; at least, so the man at the shop
told me.

Thompson. We will go to him directly ; I must see this
Adolphine de Courcy ; she may be the wife I have so long
lamented as dead ; or, more probably, the child I have so
Jong and vainly searched for. What an unhappy man 1 am 1
doomed never to know a moment's rest.

Rusty. No ! I believe you never were so comfortable as
when you were under my care in the Baslile. There you
were properly looked after I nothing to disturb you.

Thompson. True, true. Ah ! I shouUl never have left
England, only I knew living was much cheaper in France;

10 MONSIEUR TONSON.

and as I had but a very small fortune, I didn't wish to go
feejond it j that brought on all my misfortunes.

Rusty. Serve you right ; you shouldn't have deserted
your country, merely to save a shilling. I liope all absen-
tees may have as much cause to repent it as you have.

Tiiompson. Hum ! then I should nevor have married my
wife, the chief agent of all my troubles —

Rusty. As most wives are, mine was ! But she died in
her confinement. She was confined the same time you
were. Why did you have one so much your superior in
rank and fortune as your wife was ?

Thompson. What did I profit by it ? When I discovered
that the proud old marquis, her father, was never likely to
consent to am union, didn't I marry her privately, and re-
move her into a retirement where I thought no one would
ever have discovered us ?

Rusty. And were found out the very first thing. She was
sent to a nunnery, and you to the Bastile.

Thompson. It was a great misfortune the revolution
breaking out.

Rusty. Yes ; for then the mob broke in, you gained your
liberty, and I lost my place.

Thompson. Failing in my search for my wife and infant
girl, I betook myself abroad —

Rusty. Where, having been used to confinement under
me, you didn't leave your plantation till you had acquired
a princely fortune —

Thompson. And no relation of the name of Thompson to
leave it to, only my sister's son Jack Ardourly. But these
drawings ! this name ! I have a thousand hopes and fears ;
let us hasten directly to satisfy them.

Rusty. Well, I don't mind granting you a rule of court,
as it's to transact your private affairs ; you may go.

Thompson. Come along, then. Heigho I [Exeunt, r.

SCENE II.— Exterior of Monsieur Morbleu's House and
Shop in the Seven Dials. Door in flat, l. Shutters to
open, Sfc. A watch-box at one, corner r. of flat. (^Night.)

Enter Morbleu, r.

Morbleu. Eh ! mon Uieu I Je suis bien fatigue vit my
great business ; all de head of de nation wish to be turn by

MONSIEUR TONSON. 11

me! and I am sucli grand professeur, I turn all de nation's
head ; coupe all dere objection short vid dere hair ; my close
revolution crop silence evcryting ; and I make every man
von Brutue. It is great cliaiig-c, ma foi, for me ; in do
grande nation, under de ancicn regime, I was dc general
of de regiment: here I am only do pcrruquier en general,
unly take de Anglois by de nose in dc vay of my occupa-
lion. Have noting to do vit any balls but de vash-bails ; no
powder but de hair-powder; no chevaux-de-friz but de
combe and dc tongs, dat I friz de cheveax vit. liut vere is
my housekeeper, Madame Bellegarde? MadarAe Belleg-arde !
[Knocks at the door of his shop.

I Erder Madame Eellegarde, from House.

Eh bien, madame! Me voici, here I am glad to see you and
de little domicile once again. Contment vous portez vous,
cette bonne evening', madame?

Belle. Merci, monsieur, tres joli !

Mor. Joli ! you are joli comme une ange' que tu es char-
mante, ma chere Madame Bellegarde !

Belle. Ah ! Monsieur Morbleu, you have so much of de
politesse.

Mor. Ha, ha ! true, true ! you remember, madame, ven
I use to valk de mirmet vit you, twenty, tirfy year ago, in
de cour de Versailles. Oh! I'amour I dose vere bon temps.

AIR. — MoRBucu.

C'est L'amour, L'amour, L'amour, qui fait le monde a la

ronde,
Et chaque jour a son tour le monde fait I'amour.
Qui rend la femme plus docile,

Et qui flit doubler ses attraits;
Qui rend les plaisirs plus faciles,
Qui fait excuser ses exces.
Qui rend plus acces ibles les grands dans leurs Palais,
Qui salt rendre sensibles jusques oux sous-prefets.
C'est L'amour, L'amour, L'amour.

Qui donne de I'ame aux Poetes,
Et de la joie aux moins lurons ;

Qui donne de I'esprit aux betes,
Et du courage aux plus pollrons.

12 MONSIEUR TONSON.

Qui donne des caresses
Aux tendrons des Paris
Kt qui donne des bosses
A beaucoup de Maris
C'est L'amour, L' amour, L amour.

Belle. Ah I monsieur, dat vas under de ancien regime.

Mor. Oui, oui, en verile. Times very much different
now, ma foi ! Den I vas Monsiur Morbleu, Chevaher de
Saint Louis, and General de Division! and you vere Ma-
<lame la Marquise de Bclleg-arde, Dame d'Honneur, and
grande beaute ! You very different ting- now, madame, and
so am I. Now I am only one poor barbiere, and you my
liousekeeper of all vork, to make de bed, scrub de board,
and clean de logement. Eii, mon Dieu ! but vere is my
little protegee, de petite Mademoiselle Adolphine, orphe-
line de Courcy? pauvre enfante! gone to sell her littel
drawing?

Madame B. Oui, monsieur; but she will be back tout de
suite.

Morhleu. Bonne filie, bonne fllle ! She have de key, and
can get through de door vithout our stay to open it; so I-
shall go to my nigbt-cap' lor I am very much sleepy, and
il est tard.

Nap. [ Without, l.] Past ten o'clock.

Morbleu. Ah! dere is Monsieur Nap, de vash-a-man ; he
is come for to go to his box. Yaw'aw! veriez, madame.
Courage! Louis le Desire, and de ancien regime, shall come
back by and by, very often ; den ve tread de minuet de la
.cour togeder again. La, la, lal de ral, de ral !

[Exeunt into the house, singing ' C'est Tamour,' and
dancing the minuet de la cour.]

Enter Nap, the Watchman, l.

Nap. Past ten o'clock, and a moonlight night ! Well, I
have gone my beat, and cried the hour; so now I'll go into
my box, and have a comfortable snooze. Pas^ ten o'clock!

Exit into the box, r.

Enter Adolphine, hastily, r.

Adolphine. In spite of all^my endeavours, my pursuer haa
traced me here. Wiiat will he think of the meanness of

MONSIEUR TONSON. 13^

this abode, and what persecutions may I not expect from
his attentions ! Saint Louis preserve me ! 'Tis fortunate
I have the key: they come! surely, they will not attempt to
knock ; at all events, they will knock unanswered by me.
[Exit into the house, unlocking and then r clocking the door-
Enter Ardourly and Tom King, in pursuit, r.

King. Bravo, victoria! victoria, my boy' I told you
Tom King would do the business for you ; we've housed
her at last.

Ardourly. Yes, there's the mischief of it; what are we to
do now ?

King. Why, unhouse her, to be sure.

Ardourly. But how ?

King. Knock at the door.

Ardourly. And run away?

King. A lover, and run away ! Never ! stand firm to the
last; she may answer the door.

Ardourly. But suppose she shoHldn't, and any one else
should ?

King. Then we have merely made a mistake, that's all.

Aj-dourly. I'm afraid we shall be mistaken.

King. Or, we can inquire for some one,

Ardourly. Who?

King. Oh ! Mr. Jenkins, or Mr. Tomkins, or any one
we are sure is not there.

Ardourly. But we may be unlucky enough to pitch upon
the very name of some person who is there.

King. To prevent that we'll inquire for your uncle, old

Thompson ; we are very sure he is not there ; so here goes,

[Knocks at Morbleu's door.

Ardourly. Stay, stay; what are you about ?

King. 'Tis done now. [Listens,] No answer! the jade
suspects us. I'll knock again. [Knocks.] They are all

fone to bed. [Listens.] No ; I hear the striking a light ;
'11 expedite them. [Knocks again and peeps through the
key-hole.] Somebody coming; pat, pat, pat, pat! What
strange animal have we here?

Ardourly. Animal ! it is, doubtless, the dear angel her-
self.

14 MONSIEUR TONSON.

MoRBLEu opens the door, and appears in his night-cap, with
a rushlight in his hand.

Confusion ! a man !

Morhleu. Deux g-cntilhonimes, and so late, too! I dare
say some rich customer vant me to dress dem for de grand
assembly to-night. [Aside.] A votre service, messieurs, vat
is your plaisir vit me ?

King. I merely called, my dear friend, as I was pass-
ing your house, to know if — but I've disturbed your rest, I
fear ?

Morhleu. Oh, point de tout, not at all. I am too much
proud of de honneur you confer par cette visite, ma foi.

King. You are very good; we merely called, knowing
you are a man of information —

Morbleu. OhI sare, you do me grand favour. Je vous rend
mille graces.

King. Don't mention it. We merely called to inquire
if, among the persons who inhabit this street, one Mr.
Thompson lodges here.

Morhleu. Diable ! dat all! and I leave my bed on pur-
pose? Heigho! [Aside.] No, sare ; no Monsieur Tonson do
live here.

King. Hum ! I'm sorry we troubled you, but I though
I'd just inquire ; couldn't pass by your door without calling
you know.

Morhleu. OhI sare, you are very great polite. Vish you
vere at de diable ! [Aside.

King. Good night I take care you don't catch cold.

Morbltu. Bon soir, messieurs. I am much glad they are
going to go. Au revoir ! Diable I dis dam puddel in de gut-
ter, I put my foot on him. [Exit into house.

King. Mind your rush-light don't go out. Ha, ha, ha !
Was there ever seen so curious an animal ? Let us see
what species he belongs to. Lend me your lanthorn,
Charley, f Takes Nap's lanthorn and reads the inscription
over Morhleu's door.] 'Monsieur Morbleu, Grand Perruquier
en Militaire, Coiffeur en General,' Ha, ha, ha! — Very well.
Monsieur Morbleu, Grand Perruguier ; it is au revoir with
ns, indeed. We will speedily become belter acquainted.
There, Charley, there's your lanthorn, and a tizzy for you,
my boy. [Returns the lanthorn, and gives Nap sixpena.]
Zounds! Ardourly, nil dcsperandum !

MONSIEUR. TONSONTi 15

Ar dourly. I must, you see she does not appear. What*s
to be done now ?

King. Try ag-ain. Where is your rascal, Useful ?

Ardourly. At my hctel.

King. Then that's our point. I cannot, decently, shew
rayseir agfain to-night to monsieur, therefore, we'll hasten
to the Sabloniere. You write a passionate billet to Miss
Morbleu, and let Useful bring it; he's a sharp dog, and
with a little of my instruction, will soon afford us both satis-
faction and amusement. Allons I Au reVoir, Monsieur
Morbleu. Ha, ha, ha! [Exeunt, R,

Enter Nap, /rom Ms hox,

Nap. (r.) Rum blades, them 'ere ; out on a lark, I
reckon. Well, it's no business of mine, so long as they
don't come on ray beat. Half-past ten ;

[Calling the half hour.

Enter Thompson and Rusty, r.

Rusty. I tell you, I'm sure this is the place; but we'll ask
the watchman. Pray, my friend, isn^t this the Seven Dials?

Nap. [Holding lanthorn to Husty's face.] Ay, master, to
be sure it is.

Rusty. There, I told you so. Whereabouts does one
Mounseer Morbleu live ?

Nap. What, the barber? I don't know: that is — I think
— I can't tell.

Rusty. [To Thompson.] He thinks he can't tell!

Thompson. Give him a shilling.

[Rusty gives Nap a shilling.

Nup. [Looking at the shilling-] Oh 1 I know now, he
lives right under your nose; hut he's gone to bed.

Thompson. We must knock him up; I cannot pause a
moment lili my doubts are satisfied

Nap. Tliat's your busines^s. [Crosses to l.] Why the old
Frenchuian has quite a coniiregution to-night; but I must
g-o and call tlie half-hour. HiilKpast ten ! Exit, h.

Thompson. Knock, Rusty, knock. I cannot rest.

Rusty. No, nor you'll let nobody else rest. Hallo !
[Knocks at Morbleu^s door.] They're a long time comings

Thompson. Knock again, try once more.

16 MONSIEUR TONSON.

Rusty. It's no use: however, I suppose you won't be
contented, so here goes. [Knocks again.

Thompson. Don't you hear the window open ?

Rusty. Yes, there's somebody getting up in the garret.

Morhleu. [Lool'ing out of the garret window.] Qui va la?
Vat is dere, s'il vous plait ? Vy you knock at de door of my
inaison, if you are so good ?

Tkompson. 'Tis he, 'tis he I Is your name Morbleu, my
good friend ?

Morhleu. Oui, roon ami !

Thompson. Come down instantly.

Morhleu. Sacrebleu ! vil not de matin do, monsieur ? for
I am in bed, je suis an lit.

Thompson. No; it is a matter of life and death.

Morhleu. Misericorde ! dey vant me to bleed somebody.
Veil, to oblige you, monsieur, I shall get up —

Thompson. Get up ! Zounds ! my dear friend, we want
you to come down.

Morbleu. And put on my culotte. Restez la pourun
moment. Heigho ! I never can get not any rest at all.

[Exit from, windoiv.

Thompson. He's coming, he's coming ; and now, thank
heaven, I shall have all my doubts silenced or confirmed.

Enter Moubleu from the House.

Morhleu. Yaw'aw ! excusez moi, monsieur, dat I have
no candel, but I have burn my rushlight till him rush all
away.

Thompson. Make no apologies, my good friend; the ur-
gent business I come upon precludes all ceremony. You
Jiave a lady under your care, bearing the name of Adol-
phine de Courcy ?

Morbleu. Oui, monsieur, certainement ; but she never
assist in de shop. She never shave any body.

Thompson. Psha ! You, doubtless, must have heard of an
unfortunate man of the name of Thompson?

Morbleu. Diable ! Vat, Monsieur Tonson come again ?
No, sare, I have heard of no Monsieur Tonson; 1 Icll you
so before, sare ; no Monsieur Tonson do live hero. Vat yow
mean by pull me out of my bed in dis way? By gar ! it
dam bad manner and no gentiihorame I

MONSIEUR TONSOV. 17

Thompson. But hear mc my good friend : this Mr.
Thompson —

Morbleu, All von cock and some bull ; and if you call
mc up again, ma foi, I shall charge you vit the vash, for
keeping de bad hour. Diable ! [Exit into the house, shutting
the door in Jhowpson's face.]

Tnompson. But my good fellow ! — Monsieur I — Mon-
sieur. — Ah ! I see how it is, these imperious De Courcys
have hired this fellow to keep my wife (for it is undoubt-
edly she) still in their power: but I'll have redress ; I'll go
to Bow-street ; they've locked her up, and now —

Rusty. 'Tis high time I should lock you up.

Thotnpson. Nay, Rusty, nayl let us go in search of the

police. I'll enter the house by force, liberate my wife, and

make a terrible example of those who would detain her from

my arms. [Exeunt l.

Enter Useful, r.

Useful. So the coast is clear at last. I thought those two
old twaddlers never would have gone. Let me see : my in-
structions are, under pretence of mquiring for Mr Thomp-
son, to endeavour to give this letter to Miss Morbleu.
Here's the house ; now for it. [Knocks at Morhleu''s door.]
No answer ? I'll knock again, Hallo ! get up, get up.

[Knocking again violently.

Morllev. [Appearing at the garret window ] Eh, mon
Dieu ! is de maison on fire, that you knock so loud ?

Useful. No, but you are wanted ; you must come down
directly; I am sent here in an official capacity, expressly to
— but that is alien to the business.

Morbleu. Begar ! vat does he say about his official capa-
city and de alien business ? I must have de blenseance, de
courtesie to him. [Aside.] Tres bien, monsieur officer. I
shall come down instainment. Howl am broke of my sleepi
Heigho ! [Exit from icindow.

Useful. So far so good ; let me but once effi^ct an en-
trance, I'll soon accomplish all the rest. Eh ! here old
soup-meagre comes.

Enter Morbleu /rom the house, sneezing, as ifjrom having
newly caught cold.

Morbleu. Now, Monsieur officeier, saie, I am at your
'Command, if you think so good, bonne grace.

18 MONSIEUR TONSOM.

Useful. T merely called, Mr. Morbleu, to enquire—

Morbleu. Yes, sare.

Useful. If there was one Mr. Thompson —

Morbleu. Vat, Monsieur Tonson again ?

Useful. Yes, one Mr. Thompson —

Morbleu. Diable ! vat yon mean, sare ? you dam
scoundrel ! by come again ? Vat you mean by Monsieur
Tonson, to break my sleep in dis manner. I told you two,
one, seven time, dcre no Monsieur Tonson here. I know
no Monsieur Tonson. Got dam !

Useful. Well, but my good friend, you needn't be in such
a passion ; if you don't know where Mr. Thon)pson lives,
J dare gay Miss Morbleu does, if you'll just have the good-
ness to call her up ; or your servant will do — the house-
keeper—or any body.

Morbleu. Parbleu ! dis vporse than all ! You not content
vit pull me out of my bed dese tree time, vityour dam Mon-
sieur Tonson ; but now you want to pull my vard, Made-
moiselle Adolpbine, and my housekeeper, Madame Belle-
garde out of bed too. Vat dey know about Monsieur Ton-
eon ? You use me tres mauvais ; I never was use so under
de ancien regime, ma foi; it affront my honneur ; I shall
not put up vit it ; I will have de satisfaction — I shall give
you to de vash — I shall make a charge of you. Monsieur
Vash ! {Calls.) lie shall put you in his box. — Monsieur
Vash! [Calling.

Useful. Eh ! calling the watch ? founds .' I may get in
the wrong box here; I'd better be off. Bong swor, Moun^
Beer Soapsuds. [Exit, r.

Morbleu. Run away ? Begar ! I am sorry I did not run
him troo. But he shall not get off so veil : Monsieur Vash !
Monsieur Vash, I say ! [Calling.

Enter Nap, l.

Nap. Eh ! who wants the watch ? here I am : why, hang^
me ! if it 'ent Mounsccr Powder-blue, the barber. NVhat's
jn the wind now ? Consarn it ! I hope there hasn't been
no rogue's breaking in and running away with the pomatun^
has there ?

Morbleu. Vorse dan dat, Mounsieur Vash. I no mind de
pomatum run away dis hot veader ; but dat dam Monsieup
Tonson, run away, too.

Nap. Eh I Mounseer Townsend ! who's he ?

MONSIEUR TONSON. 19

Morlhu. Oh ! by gar I me no know ; me no vant to know.
He comes here seven, two, tree time, and_pull me out of
my bed ; besides knock my door down ; and "now I v/ill
have hiia knock down, von dam rascal ! you shall vash him
ven he come again, and I shall give you him to keep for
ever, and lock him in your house, Monsieur Vash : in your
dam black hole, vere you live.

Nap. Why, now you speak of it, mounseer, I think I
knows the rascal. Isn't this here Townsend a wery ill look-
ing fellow ?

Morbleu. Oh! tres mauvais, tres mauvais, nasty fellow,
great blaguard; me never saw no man me like to see vorse :
he come here to inquire after his relation, ma foi : but me
no be cozen in dat vay. I shall charge — by gar I I shall
charge — charge him Vit you, Monsieur Vash.

Nap. You can't do better ; I'll take care of him, moun-
seer.

Morhleu. Dat is right ; you need not be fear, I have been
great general, and I shall help you ; yes, ven they come I
shall —

Nap. Why here they are —

Morbleu. Get behind the door ; 70U can lay avait till dcy
mention dere name, and den ve vill rush out togeder, break
dere neck several times, stop dere mout very often, knock
dem down, and lock dem up.

Nap. Good, very good, mounseer ; I'll do it. Away with
you. [Exeunt Morbleu into the house, Nap into box.

Enter Tnox>iPSON, and Rusty, fallowed by TitAP and
Wantem, l.

Thompson. Now, my good fellows, you know what you
have to do ; this is the house.

Trap. Ay, ay, ve're fly, master. We will do the right
thing, depend on't.

Thompson. Insist on seeing the lady.

Trap. Make your mind easy; we'll rummage her out.

Thompson. Knock at at the door at once and never fear
but you'il be properly rewarded. Come, Rusty, let us look
on. Stand aside, stand aside.

[Rusty and Thompson stand aside, r.

Trap. Now Master Wantem, you tattle the tell tale, and
I'll open the business.

Wanicm. Ay, and I'll knock, [Knocl'S at Morbleu's door.

B*

20 MONSIEUR TONSON.

Enter Morbleu from house.

Morhleu. Veil, vat you vant ? Vat make you here at such
late hour, if I am so bold ?

Trap. We've a small bit of business with you, mounseer.

Morbleu, {aside.) Oui, diable ! and I have de small bit of
business vit you by-and-by.

Trap. We've come about Muster Thompson's affair.

Morbleu. I thought it was Monsieur Tonson ; oui, and
now you shall go to de diable. Venez ici, Monsieur Vash,
dis is Monsier Tonson; knock him down— lock him up
very often.

Nap, {Rushing out from hox, and seizing Wantem and
Trap.) So, I've got you at last, have I ? I'll teach you to
come knocking at peoples doors at this time of night.

Trap. Zounds ! watchy, what are you at ? You're on a
wrong scent ; we're from the public office.

Morhleu. But you shall no make von public office of my
maison, ma foi.

Trap. We're sent by Townsend.

Nap. Ay, ay ; that's the name ; its all right.

Trap. We've come about a gemman's relation — but I'll
tell you the whole pedigree on it.

Nap. We knows all about it, Muster Townsend ; you
musn't come arter your relations here.

Trap. Zounds! a'nt you awake?

Morhleu. Oui; you take dam good care of dat, Monsieur
Tonson : lock him up.

Nap. Ay, ay : to the watch-house with you.

Rusty, {aside to Thompson.) Lock him up 1 I'll spare
them that trouble with you, master ; come along.

Tjmnpson. But, Rusty —

?r/. It's no use ; safe bind, safe find.

[Exit forcing off Tho^ipson, r.

Trap. But I tell you, you don't understand the business.

Morbleu. Nor me no vant Monsieur Tonson.

Nap, No, no. Muster Townsend.

[Springs his rattle, ivhich is answered outside, l. r.

Trap. Eh ! c. surprise I then here goes for a fair pair of
heels, and the devil take tlie hindmost!

[Trap trips up Nap and Morbleu, r. and exit hastily
with Wantem ; Nap and Morbleu get up and follow
in pursuit, rattles springing.

MONSIEtJIt TO.VSON* 21

■SCENE 111.-^ Exterior of the Sahloniere Hotel, in Leices-
ttr Square. Door injlat, l. Rattles heard without^ r.

Enter Useful, hastily, r.

Useful. By those rattles, it would seem, the watchmen,
that cursed Frenchman sent after me, are close at my heels
Its lucky I've reached my master's hotel, that I may get
housed at once. {Rings the hell and knocks violently.) Here
they come ! but they'll be dissappointed for once.

[Exit into hotel.

Enter Thompson and Rusty, hastily.

Thompson. Are we out of their reach, Rusty ? Yes;
they've taken another direction, so we may stop and breathe
a bit.

Rusty. It's all my fault; I shouldn't have let you slop
out. I might have known no good could follow it. But
come, let us get home to bed.

Thompson. 'Twill be of no use; I shall not be able fo
sleep a v/ink. I must make another attempt. It is now
near daybreak ; I'll throw myself on a sofa for an hour or
two, and the first thing in the niorr ing we'll set off to this
barber once more ; as he only saw us i.i the dark, he'll not
know us again ; and under pretence of getting dressed and
shaved by him, I can sound-tlie rascal, and, perhaps, pump
the truth out of him.

Rusty. Pump the life out of him ! I would, if I had my
wilL

Thompson. You must indulge me in this. Rusty, if you
lock me up for a twelve month after it.

Rusty. Well, w^ll ; you always coax me over; I'm the
most lender-hearted keeper in Christendom. Come along.

Thompson. Stay, who are these ? Stand aside.

[Thompson and Rusty stand aside.
Enter Tom King, Ardouri,y, and Vskful, from the hotel.

King. Ha, ha, ha ! old Thompson little thinks how we
are amusing ourselves at his expense.

Thompson What ? [Aside.

King. And so the Frenchman called for the watch did
he?

Thompson. " My expense — old Thompson — the watch !"
What does all this mean ? As I live, my graceless nephew !
Oh, oh ! I see it all. [Aside.

28 MONSIEUR TONSOX.

King, {turning round and seeing Thompson and Rusty)
Halloo! what pair of antiquities are these ? From what
curiosity-shop have they escaped ?

Thompson, (to Ardourly.) Oh ! you rascal.

Ardourly. My uncle ! coufusion ! I'm ruined ! how the
devil shall I get off? [Aside.

Thompson. You villian ! but I'll — {Rattles heard with^
out, R.) Eh ! they're coming-, Rusty, [Exit with Rusty.

King. Ha, ha, ha I Why the old boy's off like a shot j
he's getting into his second childhood , frightened at the
sound of a rattle.

Ardourly. 'Tis a lucky escape for me, faith ! he would
not have gone off so quickly, if he had known those watch-
men were in pursuit of his hopeful nephew. [Aside.

King. We must carry on the war ; the old Frenchman
shall have no rest till you have. We'll storm his castle
again to-morrow night ; Thompson is the watchword, love
the object. — Tom King the leader, and victory must fol-
low.

[Ratilps heard nearer, r. Exeunt hastily, l. followed
by Nap, who crosses in pursuit, springing rattles^
and crying. Stop 'em, stop 'cm, stop 'em I

END OF ACT I.

ACT ir.

SCENE I. — Interior of Monsieur Morhleu's shop. Door
injlat, R.

Madame Belleqarde discovered, seated. Table, two chairs^
and candle.

Madame B. Monsieur no return vit Mademoiselle Adol-
phine. How long de time does hang ! Heigho ! in ma
patrie, de hour alvays pass quick as de little minute ; here
it so dull and so cloudy, that pauvre Time can no see his
vay; but creep, creep, creep, as slow as de old vash-a-man.
{Knock withont, r. d. in Jlat.) O misericorde ! me hope
dat is no Monsieur Tonson dat come last night, come again.
I shall no open de door till I know. Qui va la ? vat is de
knock dere ?

Morbku. {Without.) Ouvrez la porfc— C'est moi,.raa-
dame.

aiONSIEUR TONSON. SS

Madame B. Mousieur himself. It all right — {Opens the
■door) — and mademoiselle, loo I quel bonheur !

Enter Morbleu and Adolphine, r. d. in flat.

Tres bien venu, mes amis.

Morhleu. (c,) Merci, madame — voila men enfant. We
have reach home safe at last! You shall never go out by
yourself to sell your drawing, unless you are alone, never
no more, if you no like.

Adolphine, (r.) Indeed, sir, I have but too good cause
for apprehension I the horrid attack made on me this morn-
ing !—

Morbleu. Ah ! by dat ,dani Monsieur Tonson ! Diahle !
he one peste ; he not content vit come and call me up all
night, but he return de first ting to-day to be dress and
shave. Me hope he vill not come again to-night.

Madame B. (i.) Sans doute, it vas some pauvre maniac.
You see his keeper took him avay par violence.

Morbleu. Keeper or no keeper, I vish he vould keep avay
from me, mon Dieu ! But you are mistake, madame ; dis
Monsieur Tonson is sent by de Convention to kill us, be-
cause ve are friend to de grand monarque and de ancien
regime !

Madame B. Misericorde ! Ve must be very much care-
ful.

Morbleu I shall not open de door, never, nor go any vere
in all de vorld, at all, vithout you, madame ! dat if dis Mon<.
sieur Tonson should kill us, ve may be vitness for one an-
oder to get him hang.

Adolpkine. How much longer my generous benefactor,
am I to trespass on your bounty ? Is there nox;lue by which
i can discover my parents?

Morbleu. None dat I know of, ma foi : V^en de revolu-
tion broke out, de Marquis de Courcy, mon grand cunijSend
for me to de Conciergerie, vcre he vas vait to be guillotine,
commit you to my care as un pauvre orpheline dat belong
a sa famille ; charge me to take you to England, and bring
you up ; give me de trinket and de letter dat I give you,
and finish de sad tale by having his head chop off de next
day dat vas to come I

Adolpkine. Aud did he ;iio,t reyeal th.e name ef my
jparents ?

24 MONSIEUR TONSOJJ.

Morbleu. No : he no tell me vat vas your pare, nor vat
vas your mere. He tell me he call you Adolphine de Cour-
cy, and prize you as de last of his maison.

Adolphine. Unhappy man ! Unhappy Adolphine !

Morbleu. It great misfortune certainment ; but pourquoi
you g-rieve ? I protect you. You no vant fader nor moder
vile I live, and though we no much rich, dis genereuse na-
tion never suffer even her enemy to vant, but relieve de
people in distress von day, dey kill very much in de batle
de next. But come, it is now souper time, and ve vill goto
bed; for I am von very great deal sleepy, and must dormir
for to night and last night all togeder. Venez, ma chere
Adolphine ; venez, madame ; ve vill go and get our souper.

[Exeunt.

SCENE II.— Exterior of MorUeu's shop.
Enter Tom King and Ardourly, r.

King. The sly old fox thinks he's got the young chick
all to himself; but he's mistaken, and so is madame Part-
lett, the hen; we'll soon draw them out of their coop: yes,
now to begin our holy work for the evening — " Thompson'' 8
Night Thoughts."

Ardourly. And do you think it will be of any avail?

King. I do; but if we fail again in attempting to effect
an entrance, in their very teeth, we must resort to strat; -
gem. I have a scheme already prepared, that must suc-
ceed ; vive la bagatelle I

Ardourly. Thou art a strange genius. Thy godfathers
mistook when they christened thee Tom King ; the/ should
have named thee Joe King, for such thou ever art ; I trust
all to thee.

King. You shall not be disappointed. Now, then for a
coaxing, insinuating piece of street-door eloquence, that
shall draw this old Frenchman through a deal board. I'm
acquainted with every species of knock, from the single tap
of the dun to the thundering lom, tom — tom, tom, torn —
tom a rom-a-tom.tom I of the fashionable footman. Mark
this: {Knocks at Morhleu's door.) — I hear somebody; they
are waiting for us. Hush ! if I can trust my ears, mon-
sieur and his rib are disputing which shall come first, wor-
thy souls ! they're so anxious to receive us ; listen !

MOXSIEUR TONSON. 25

Morlleu. ( WitJiin.) Pardonnez moi, madame, de marchio-
ness always rank before de general.

Madame B. {Within.) Non, de general alvays go first,
de femme go vit de baggage.

Morblev. {Within.) Ve vil split de difference and go side
by side ; you shall unlock de bolt while I unbolt de lock —
Now, madame. [The door opens and

MoRBLEU and Madame Bellegarde appear.

King. Servitcur, madame. Your moust obedient, mon-
sieur. Pray, can you inform me if one Mr. Thompson
lodges here?

Morhleu. By gar, 'tis Monsieur Tonson come again!
Rascal ! villain ! get from my sight ! get from my door !
I shall be hang for you at vonce, and kill you outright, if
you no go, Oh ! dat I had my regiment here, to charge
you vit dere bayonet !

King. It would be of no use, my good friend ; in the
performance of my duty, an army wouldn't turn me. I
have a sacred trust to execute in finding out Mr. Thomp-
son, and all your threats will be of no avail. I am con-
vinced be is in your house.

Morhleu. He is no in my house, I say. By gar, he is
no in my house. Sur mon honneur, he is no in my
house.

King. That we must ascertain in person. We must
search your house,

Morhleu. Vat! doubt my honneur ? search mymaison?"
I dat have been great general? Sacrebleu! I vill be re-
venge. Dere is no Monsieur Tonson here. I laiow no
Monsieur Tonson. My housekeeper, who vas great mar^
chioness, know dere is no Monsieur Tonson here.

Madame B. Non, non ; monsieur is right ; dere is na
Monsieur Tonson here.

Kin^. We must fulfil our duty ; 'tis painful to us to^

Morhleu. You shall no search my maison.

King. But necessity —

Morhleu. Keep at von distance.

Madame B. You shall no come in.

King. We must not stand on ceremony, my good friend
Eo I shall take the liberty to—

so* MONSIEUR TONSON'.

Moi'blsu. Sh-at the door in your face, ma foi.

[Exeunt Morbleu anrZ Mauame BEhVEG\RDE, sJiutiing'
the' door in their fades, just as they are on the point
of effecting an entrance.

King. Ha, ha, ha ! fairly shut out, by Jove ; the port--
oullis let down just as we crossed the bridge. Is Useful in
waiting ?

Ardourly. He is at the Sabloniere.

King. Mow then for stratag-em. During the day I took
the liberty of furnishing myselt with an impression of Mon-
sieur's strejt-dcor key, in wax ; a skilful blacksmith has-
made me one accordingly. I will now go and instruct
Useful how to get the old Frenchman out, by some plausi-
ble story, he once otit, we'll slip in, and while you improve
the moments with miss, I'll make love to the old woman.

, Ardourly. This, indeed, promises something ; only let
me have an opportunity of expressing my passion to the
dear girl, of proving my disinterestedness, my sincerity,
and I am happy.

King. Allons! my boy, it shall be done; we'll about it'
instantly; au revoir, monsieur! [Exeunt, r»-

Enter Morbleij and Madame Bellegarde, creeping cau-
tiously from the house.

Morbleu. Prenez garde, madame. Oh ! it is all right ;•
dat dam Monsieur Tonson is go avay. By gar, he is von
fantome; but ve vill lay him : you shall put von pail of wa-
ter in de garret window, and ven he come again ve vill
drown liim for von vitch.

Madame B. Qui, and den ve shall know vich von he is.-
Morbleu. Tres bien, tres bien ; ve vill lay and vait for
him togeder in de garret, madame, and he shall 6nd it ne--
ver rain, but it pour vater ; dis vay, madame.

[Exeunt ceremoniously into the house.:

Enter Thompson and Rusty, l,

Rusty. Well, well ; on condition that you stand on one
side, and don't interfere, I have no objection to another'
application being made to this old mounsecr, but it must
be all left to me ; you shall see how I'll manage things.
If I don't obtain something satisfactory, I'll give you leave-

MONSIEUR TONS ON'. 27

to lock me up all the rest of my days, only you keep- out of
the way.

Thompson. I'll not meddle, though I should like to have

a hand in it, [Retires, l. s. e.

Rusty. You shall see how the Frenchman will shower his

information on me, directly I apply. Are you quite out of

the way ?

Thompson. Yes.

Rusty. Then I'll commence operations.
' {Knocks at Morbleu's door. Morbleu looks out of ike
window.
Morbleu. Vat is dere ? Vat you vant, sare ?
Rusty. I'll open the affair at once. {Aside.) I come from
Mr. Thompson, about Mrs. Thompson, or Miss Thompson,
whichever it is you are keeping' so snugly here.

Morbleu. Vat, Madame Tonson come as veil as Monsieur
Tonson ? and Mademoiselle Tonson, too ! Diable ! ve shall
have Maitre Tonson and de whole famille of de Tonsons
next. Me fear von pail of water vill not be half enough I
I must get de New River cock turn on. [Aside.

Madame B. {At window, peeping over Morbleu'' s should-
er.) You are von great story, sare. Monsieur here keep
no mada.me Tonson, no mademoiselle Tonson : he keep no
voman but me and Mademoiselle Adolphine.

Morbleu. Non ; madame is right ; I keep no voman but
dem ; dere is no Tonson here, as I tell you before.

Rusty. Come, come, this won't do ; I am not to be sent
off with such an answer as this.

Morbleu. Non? den, by gar, I must answer you in von
oder way.
Rusty. 1 knew I should get something more from him.

[Aside.
Morbleu. But first, permettez-moi ask von question, sare.
Avez-vous had your souper ?

Rusty. Supper ? No, to be sure I haven't.

Morbleu. Den I shall give you something by vay of von

vet, to stay your stomach till you have. Dere Monsieur

Tonson, take dat. [Throws water on Rusty.

[Exeunt Thompson and Rustv, hastily, calling out

'^murder^^ SfC. l.

Enter Morbleu, //-om the House.

Morbleu. Ha, ha, ha I dat dam Monsieur Tonson has got

28 MONSIEUR TONSON.

Von duck for his souper. Oui, oui ; he has had de vater,

and now he vill vish for de fire, so I shall give him von

varm reception de next time he goes to come. Vera is
Monsieur VasH ? Monsieur Vash !

Enter Nap. r.

Nap. Here I am, mounseer ; but it's rtot my hour, yet.

Morbleu. Vere is your great big blunderbuss ?

Nap. At home.

Morbleu. You shall go and fetch it, load it vit powder*
and littel poa, so dat it may not kill nobody, den go up and
keep vash in my garret, and ven dis Monsieur Tonson
come again, shoot him, and make him all over plum pud-
ding ; dese Anglois like dat. Oui; you shall pepper him
all over, for von seasoning; he has de duck, now he shall
have de pea.

Nap. I'll take care he shall smell powder, mounseer; but
I mustn't go off my beat in this coat ; I'll put it in my
box till I come back.

Morbleu. Do; dere is de key of de street door; you can
let yourself in, ven you come back, and take your post in
de garret, venever you like.

Nap. That won't be long, my cellar isn't far off.

(Pulls off ?iis watchman'' s coat, puts it into his box and
exit, L.

Morbleu. Dat settled, I can have some sleep vonce more;
for I am very large sleepy. [Exit in house, l.

Enter Useful, k

Useful. "Wheedle the old Frenchman out!" hang him;
he's just gone in; but I must obey my instructions.
(Knocks) Now for a good round lie. (Knocks again.)
Zounds ! the Frenchman won't come.

Morbleu. (Above.) It no do. Monsieur Tonson ; you
have change your habit for no purpose at all. I shall not
come dow n. You had better call again in von half hour as
shall come.

Useful. My dear friend, you entirely mistake ; I come
from no Mr. Tonson ; I don't know any such person ; I
come for you ; you are wanted at court immediately.

Morbleu. Court ? By gar, den Louis dc Desire has sent

MONSIEUR, TOXSON. 29

for me to be shave. Oui, oui ; I will come down directly;
anything to make my way to de court.

[Exit from the windoio.

Useful. He bites ; "Court" — Yes, he- shall go to St.

Martin's-court, and there I'll leave him. There never was

such a fellow as Useful; my master never had Useful's

fellow.

Enter Morbleu, from the house.

]\Jorhleu. Now, sare, I am here all ready — tout pret.

Useful. Ready to pi"ay, Monsieur? Nonsense; are you
ready to walk ? because, if you are, allons I for we haven't
a minute to lose.

Morbleu. Oh ! oui, certainment ; apres vous, monsieur.

Useful. D— n ceremony! This way, this way? {Exeunt,

Enter Tom King and Ardourlv, r.
King. There they go ; the old fox is bagged. Now,
then, to try if the locksmith's daughter is true to us.
Here's a clear coast and a fair opportunity. {Opens the
door.) Yes, it's all right, the door is open ; love invites you;
the Rubicon lies before you ; you have only to cross it and
be happy, you dog.

Ardourly. Ten thousand thanks ! but you —
King. On second thoughts, I'll keep watch without
here, to guard against surprise. In with you. Where can
I conceal myself? Eh! zounds! this watch-box, is there
anybody in it? What's here? A watch-coat, rattle, and
lanthorn. Where's the owner ? Tempus fugil ! ay, and
the chronicler of time hath flown too. As he has deserted
his post, I'll make bold to take it {Dresses himself in Nap's
coat S^'c.) Now, then, I'm as good a watchman as any
Charley among them, — "Past ten o'clock and a star-light
morning !"

{Exeunt Tom King into the vMtch-box, and Ardourly
into the house; the former crying the hour gro-
tesquely.

SCENE III.— ^n Apartment in the house 0/ Morbleu.

Enter Adolphine, r.

A-lolpJiine. Why am I unprotected thus ? Few, fond
memorials of parents beloved, though unknown, what hope

30 MONSIEUR TONSON.

have I from thee ? Dear nameless image of a mother's
beauty ! {Looking at a mininiure which she takes from her
bosom.) Brief records of a father's level (Looking at let-
ters.) the danger that forbade the hazard of a name before,
for ever shuts out all disclosure now, and I must still live
on, hopeless, joyless, kinless, friendless I

Ardourly appears stealing in l. door in flat.

Ardourly. Not so, svi^eet girl ; here, at thy feet, kneels
one vi^ho would be friend, kin, all, to thee.

Adolphine. Ha ! rash youth ! what brings you here at
this untimely hour ? How did you gain admittance !
Surely I have not been betrayed ?

Ardourly. Banish your fears : I cannot live without you.
As a proof of my sincerity, I will this moment conduct
you to the altar.

Adolphine. For heaven's sake, sir! I conjure you, leave
me. Should you be discovered here, and at this hour, how
would the world —

Ardourly. I must carry ber off by a coup de main. 'At
lovers' perjuries.' (Aside.) You alarm yourself unneces-
sarily. Your guardian sanctions, nay, has desired this
visit; he has obtained tidings of your parents —

Adolphine. Ah! of my parents. Oh! where is he?

Ardourly. He has sent me liiiher, purposely to conduct
you to him; tins key is witness of my veracity.

Adolphine. Fortunate, unlooked-for occurrence I I little
thought the messenger that called my guardian out just
HOW, v»^as one of so much joy. Let us not lose a moment.

Ardourly. She's mine, she's mine ! this note will pre-
vent all unceeessary alarm. (Throws a note upon the ta.
hie, unperceived by Adolphine.) This way, this way, my
charmer ! [Exeunt door in flat, i..

Enter Madame Bellegarde, r.

Madame B. Vere mon infant Adolphine, that she no
come for her souper ? Vat do I see ? It I can believe my
eyes, I see her not here ; and vat mean this papier? (Reads)
*'Ven next yoia behold your vard, she vill be de maitresse
ofde house of Tonson." Mon Dieu ! de pauvre child is
gone ; dat Monsieur Tonson has take her. Oh I miserU

MONSIEUR TONSON. 31

corde* vat a dark night is dis. — Vere Monsieur Morbleu?
Pauvre enfant 1 pauvre enfant! Monsieur! Monsieur !

[Exit R. calling.
SCENE lY. —Exterior of Morbleu's House.
Tom King in Nap's Coat, SfC.from Watchhouse.

King. "Past ten o'clock, and a gas-light night!"
All's quiet yet. {Peeps at the door.) Eh ! here he comes, and
not without his errand. He has stormed the fort, and now
soldier-like, is retreating with his baggage.

Enter Ardourly, /ro«i the House, bearing Adolphine.

Ardourly. {Aside to King.) I've succeeded ; she's mine.
This way, sweet girl ! this way. [Exit, u.

King. Mum ! he's carried her off, safe enough. Some
body coujing ; I'll into my box. [Exit into box.

Enter Nap, with a blunderbuss, l.

Nap. There ; Pve loaded it just enough to leave its mark
behind; one niusn't go to kill nobody. Where's the key,
that I may take my post in the gairct jjnd wait for this
Mr. Townsend ; he shall nap the contents of this, diiectly
he knocks at the door, as sure as my name is Charley.
I shall have plenty of lime to cry the hour by-and-by.

[Unlocks the door and enters Morcleu's house.

King, {from the box.) Hum I it's lucky I staid. "Be-
ware of spring-guns 1" Egad ! here's a customer for him.
As I live, the old Frenchman ; snug's the word; I smell
mischief.

Enter Morbj.eu, l.

Morbleu. Diable ! dat it should be all von hoax at last
Dat dam Mounsieur Tnnson is down at the bottom of all.
I am so vex, dat I could almost shoot myself for dc chagrin.
I will get my bed. {Going to knock, draws back) Stay, vere
is Monsieur Nap? he may mistake, and shoot me for dis
Tonson.

King. Past twelve o'clock !

Morbleu. Oh, he is dere in his box ; it is all comme il faut.
{knocks at the door.) Madame I Madame Bcllegarde !

Nap, {Above.) Ay, ay, Mastt r Townsend ; you black-
guard, tak*? that ; I'm guard here. [Fires at Morbleu
C*

32 MONSIEUR TONSON.

Morhleu. Oh ! by gar, I am murder ! I am kill ! Dat
damn Monsieur Tonson !

Nap. Eh ! zounds ! what have I done ? I've shot Moun-
seer Povvder-blue I here's a business.

Tom KiNG,/rom the box.
King. Ila, ha, na ! It's high time for me to be off.

Pulls off Nap's coat, and exit laughing, r.
[Exit MoRBLEU, hastihj l. Nap and Madame Bellrgarde
at the windows of the House, holding up their hands in as-
tonishment.

SCENE Y.—A Room in the Elephant and Castle, New-
ington.

Enter Snap and Waiters, preparing the Room, R. The two
waiters bring on a Table and two chairs, and exit, l.

Snap. Now, boys, bustle about, the coaches will be
coming in soon ; all stop at the Elephant and Castle, you
know. Get the room ready for passengers.

Fip, (without, L.) Waiter ! Waiter !

Snap. This way, sar ! this way ! this is the parlour.

Enter Fip, l.

Fip. Has there been a French lady here, inquiring for
Mr. Fip, or Mr. Assignat ?

Snap. No, sar.

Fip. Then the Dover Coach has not come in yet ?

Snap, Not yet, sar. [Exit, L.

lip. I shall be in the way when it does.

Snap. Very well, sar.

Fip. Who the deuce is the French lady, my master, old
Assignat has sent me to meet? Some nun, I think he says,
coming from Calais ; to take refuge in the convent at Ham-
mersmith, I suppose. I'm to give her this letter, and take
her to our chambers in Paper-buildings ; de toutmon cocur.
No lawyer's clerk in the kingdom is more au fait at any-
thing of this kind than I am, or cuts a better figure, I flat-
ter myself, on eighteen-shillings a-week, than I do. Well,
I'll go and look at the paper till the coach comes in.

[Exit, R.

Enter Sjsap, showing in Morbleu, l.

Snap. This way, sar ; this is the parlour, sar ; plenty of
coaches — Brighton, Dover, Hastings — anywhere you like
to go to, sar.

MONSIEUR TONSON. 53

Morhleu. Begar, I like to go anyvere, vere I no meet vit
dat dam Monsieur Tonson. Oh I my pauvre back I I am
all pepper and fright.

Snap. As you've not made up your mind where you'd
please to go, have you made up your mind what you'd
please to take, sar ?

Morhleu. Eh ! bicn — ah ! j'ai tres grand faim. I shall
take von pork schop.

Snap. Pork shop I don't think there's any to let about
this neighbourhood, sar-

Morhleu. Nonsense ! you make de grand mistake.

Snap. A steak ? very well, sar.

Morhleu. Veil, a steak vill do very veil, sare ? and vaiter —

Snap. Steak and water — have 'em directly, sar ; one on
the fire now. Cookey, dish up that steak, with a glass of
water, for the foreign gentleman here. [Calling off^ r.

Enter Fip, r.

Fip. Well, waiter, coach come in yet, eh ?

Snap. No, sar.

Fip. Hum ! then I must amuse myself as well as I can
till it does. Have you any books of any kind ? any of the
poets ? We lawyer' clerks always patronize the poets; best
judges in the world !

Snap. Our bar-maid has, I believe sar ; I'll get you one
directly. [Exit R. Fip takes a chair and sits in centre.

Morhleu. Vat vi!l pauvre Madame Bellegarde do now I
leave my shop ? though she grande Marchioness, she must
go to the vorkhousc, ma foi ! and Mademoiselle Adolphine,
pauvre enfant ? [Sits down at tahle.

Enter Snap with steak and water, r.

Snap. Your steak, sar. [ To Morbleu.

Morhleu. Tres bon garcon — I am very faint, so I shall
take a

Snap. Glass of water, sar. [Putting it dovjn.

Morhleu. Veil, I may have vorse ting, so I shall make
myself content vid dis.

Fip. Well, waiter, where's my book ?

Morbleu. Now for von nice piece. [Cutting the steak.

Snap. Beg your pardon, sar, here it is.

Ftp. Ha! what have we here? "The Seasons." My
old favourite Thompson !

Morhleu. Vat ! (dropping his knife and fork.) Tonson

34 MONSIEUR TONSON.

Fip. Yes, Thompson ; don't you admire him.

Morbleu. Monsieur Tonson here ? Mon Dieul den he is
every where ; at home and abroad, and every place in do
world beside- I have leave my maison for him ; I have
leave my shop, my boutique for him, and now he make me
leave de country and my steak for him. Oh ! Monsieur
Tonson I Monsieur Tonson ! [Goings r.

Fip. Stay, sir, here is some mistake.

Snap. Pray, sar ; you forgot the steak.

Voice icithout, (l.) Dover coach ! That way, ma'am,
you'll find the gcmman there. — [Morbleu, in attempting to
depart hastilij, runs against Mrs. Thompson, who is enter-
ing at that moment jjreceded by a waiter, l.

Waiter. A room for Mrs. Thompson here, [Exit, r.

Morbleu. Diable ! Je vous demande mille pardons, ma-
dame ; but dat dam Monsieur Tonson—

Mrs. T. A countryman, and pronouncing the name of
Thompson! Can you give mo any information of Mr.
Thompson, sir ?

Morbleu. Eh ! diable ! Again !

Fip. My dear sir, I regret the name of our immortal
Thompson —

Morbleu. Immortal by gar I he is immortal, for dere
never will be not any end to him ! he come at all seasons.

Fip. Yes ! his seasons are his noblest work. In spite of
your dislike, sir, you must allow me to say, I think his
death was a great loss to the country.

Morbleu. Dead I Vat is Monsieur Tonson dead ?

Mrs. T. If it is of Mr. Thompson you are speaking, sir ;
I believe there is but too little doubt on that subject.

Fip. No doubt at all, ma'am ; I could convince you of it
in a minute.

Morbleu. Den t v/ill go back to my shop again. Ha, ha,

ha ! I am so glad. Bon jour, madame, bon jour, monsieur

— Monsieur Tonson dead 1 Ila, ha ! lira la, lira la !

(Sings.) Monsieur Tonson is dead I Monsieur Tonson is

dead !

Monsieur Tonson is dead ! he is very dead indeed I

[Exit L, singing to the air of ^^Marlbrook.''*

Mrs. T. Very strange, that the death of my husband
should excite such joy in a countryman.

Fip. You come from Calais, I presume.

Mrs. T. I do, Sir.

MnNSIKUR TONSON* 3S

Fip. This letter then, will explain every thing-.

Mrs. T. {Reading.) " Madame, agreeably to your in-
structions from Paris, through Monsieur Dupin, I have
caused advertisements to be inserted in the newspapers,
offering a reioard for any information on the subject of your
husband''s death, hitherto without effect. Respecting the
young lady. Miss Adolphine de Courcy, whom you inquire
about, I have discovered that she lives at the house of Mon-
sieur Morbleu, a. peruquier, in the Seven Dials, whither my
clerk will wait to conduct you, as also to the residence of
your humble servant, Louis Assignat. — Paper Buildings^,
Aug., 24., '96^' Let me not lose a moment in clasping the
dear child in my arms.

Fip. I'll conduct you thither instantly, madam. This
way, this way ; fine woman, 'pon my veracity. [Exeunt, l.

SCENE VL— Exterior of Morbleu's House.

Enter Morbleu, singing, " Monsieur Tonson is dead, &c.'*

Morbleu. Ha, ha, ha ! I vili open my shop again. {Opens
the shutters.) Madame, Madame Bellegarde! [Knocks.

Enter Madame BELLEGARDE,/rom the House.
Embrassez, embrassez, Madame, Monsieur Tonson is deadi

Madame. Oh ! mon Dieu ! est-il possible. Monsieur ?
Morbleu. (c.) Oui! oui! Madame; it is all true
enough. Monsieur Tonson is dead as de nail door, and vill
never trouble us again. Ve shall live in great clover now,
and sleep as quiet as the night long. So ve vill go in and
have de littel drop of vite liqueur, dat dese Anglois call
Geneva, and drink confusion to Monsieur Tonson. [Sings.
" Monsieur Tonson is dead."

Madame B. If we had but Mademoiselle Adolphine here.
Monsieur —

Morbleu. N'importe, n'importe; she shall not be lose ; de
bellman shall run after her very hard to-morrow. Come,
madame. [Exeunt into the House, singing and dancing.
Enter Tom King, l.

King. Ha ! here's the scene of frequent mirth. My poor
old Frenchman. I wonder if he's at home. Egad ! I'll
knock and see. [Knocks.

Morbleu and Bellegarde appear at the door, singing.

Morbleu. Veil, sare ; you vant to be shave !

King. Mounseer himself, as I live ! Pray, sir ; does one
M-r. Thompson live here?

36 MONSIEUR TONSON.

Morhleu. Got dam ! Here Monsieur Tonson come again,
I am paralize;

Madame B. Oui, monsieur dead, and dis is his ghost !

Enter Ardourly and Adolphine.

Adolphine. My word is pledged; unravel the mystery of
my^birth, and that moment my hand is yours.

Ardourly. I swear it! You are my cousin : these letters
which you have shewn me, as the only relic of your father,
are in the writing of my uncle ; the initials, too, corres-
pond : P. T. — Peregrine Thompson.

Morhleu. Two Monsieur Tonsons ! I am tunder-struck.

Madame B. Dis is de Monsieur Tonson dat steal off
mademoiselle !

King. Jack Ardourly !

Ardourly. Tom King ! Congratulate me.

Enter Rusly and Thompson, the latter with a newspaper.

Thompson. I don't care, Rusty, this is my wife's adver^
tisement, and I will answer it in person. Ha ! here is the
Frenchman himself Now, Sir, Mr. Thompson is not dead.
I am Mr. Thompson, and demand my wife.

Morhleu. Tree Monsieur Tonson ! Mon Dieu ! dereisno
end of dcm. Your vife is no here, I tell you ; your vife is — ■

Enter Fip and Mrs. Thompson, R.

Fip. This way, madam; this is Monsieur Morhleu.

Mrs. T. Then, sir, you will resolve me at once. My
name is Thompson,

Morhleu. Four Tonsons ! De vorld is at von end !

[Faints in Madame Bfxlegarde's ar7ns.

Mrs. T. I come to claim my child, my Adolphine.

Adolphine. Ah ! my mother ! [Emhraces her.

Thompson. Rusty, it must be, — it is my wife.

Mrs. T. My Husband, my child.

Rusty. Found his wife ! then he won't want me to lock
him up.

Thompson. Ardourly — nephew, you have lost a fortune.

Ardourly. But I have gained a wife, sir, by this discovery,
and I am happy.

King, (crosses to c.) I see your hearts are too full for
method. Let us in, and mutually e.Tjplain these seeming

MONSIEUR TONSON. 37

iTiysleries. Mr. Thompson has found a wife and daughter;
they have found a husband and a father ; Ardourly 1ms
found a bride ; Monsieur Morbleu has foimd out his perse-
cutors ; but will, I trust, with the kind permission of our
friends, have ample cause to bid our Monsieur Tonson wel-
come, and gently whisper — come again.

DISPOSITION OF THE CHARACTERS AT THE
FALL OF THE CURTAIN.

Tom King, Mrs.T. Thompson-.

Fip. Adolphine. Jack A. Mor. Bel. Rusty,

fi.

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