MR. DUM BROWNE'S
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS.
/
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Htiiarptt from tt)e Sprmaft'ei^ 3kepuoltcan.
BOSTON:
PUBLISHED BY JOHN P. JEWETT AND COMPANY.
CLEVELAND, OHIO: H. P. B. JEWETT.
185 7.
• j
LIBRARY!
OF CONGRESS
WASHINGTON
Entered according to Act of Congress in the year 1857, by
JOHN P. JEWETT AND COMPANY,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the District of Massachusetts.
CAMBRIDGE:
ALLEN AND FARNHAM, PRINTERS.
I 6 ?
INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE.
Many of the inferior animals are migratory as it were in
the positive degree ; man is migratory in the comparative
degree ; and the Yankee is the most superlatively migratory
of all animals, biped, quadruped, or centipede ; winged, fin-
ned, or scaled; that are in the heavens above, or in the
earth beneath, or in the waters under the earth.
Being then a genuine, Massachusetts, Connecticut River
Valley Yankee by birth and education, I am of course a
traveller by right as well as by choice. In order to be able
to appreciate fully the advantages of being born in that fa-
vored spot, by comparing it with other regions more or less
remote, I have wandered rather extensively up and down
our own fair land, " out West " and " down East," to say
nothing about the " sunny South ; " and am now about to
enlarge my view by crossing the Atlantic ; in other words,
to complete my sphere of observation by taking in the other
^em^-sphere. Divesting myself of prejudice and investing
myself with as many of the attributes of wisdom as possible,
IV INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE.
I shall endeavor to contemplate the institutions of the Old
"World with the eye of a philosopher, to behold her ancient
ruins with the eye of an antiquary, to view the grand ob-
jects in nature with a poet's eye and the great works of the
old masters with an artist's eye, to scan the operations at
the seat of war with the eye military, and the movements
in the political arena with the eye diplomatic ; in short to
keep wide open my eye financial, agricultural, commercial,
architectural, legal, critical, metaphysical, and quizzical. I
shall also take a bird's eye view of the feathered tribes,
cast a sheep's eye at the flocks and herds, and obtain dissolv-
ing views of the beet sugar crop and salt mines.
I shall general-eyes, and particularises, real-eyes, and
ideal-eyes, scrutin-eyes, anal-eyes, very likely moral-eyes, and
possibly satir-eyes, and dramat-eyes. I shall not lion-eyes,
nor probably botan-eyes, geolog-eyes or natural-eyes in any
way. But I will not victim-eyes you any longer with this
train of eye-deas.
In order that the Old World may appear as young and
fresh as practicable, the " mirror held up to nature " will be
kept bright and free from specks so far as may be, but no
rouge will be laid on the face of the old lady, and no artifi-
cial helps resorted to, to improve her beauty ; no milliner's
fripperies, trinkets, and jewels, but a simple dress. Mine
shall be a " plain, unvarnished tale : " no quips and quiddi-
ties, sly inuendoes and oddities of language to disturb the
digestion of an after dinner reading. If a joke is intended
INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. V
it will be brought out fair and above-board, with a good
honest breathing-place for the laugh. The philosophical
and metaphysical speculations will be clothed in words of
seven syllables and upwards with no conjunctions shorter
than "nevertheless" and "notwithstanding:" while the more
familiar chit-chat will of course be done up in the simplest
language, or if any word or phrase should chance to have
more than one meaning, the extra one will be thrown in
gratis, without any extra charge. The similes, tropes, and
figures used will all be of the strictest rhetorical orthodoxy ;
not a metaphor admitted but will be warranted tame as any
sheep. The didactic, historical, and moral discourses will
appear of course in their appropriate, grave, and serious
costume. The poetry will be easily distinguishable by the
capital letters at the commencement of each line, as well as
by the capital words and thoughts that run through each
line ; while the " fine " sentences in prose (to suit the con-
venience of those who love that style of writing) will be
marked at the end with a little point called, in punctuation,
a period, at each of which the reader will be able, and is
hereby requested, to stop (long enough to count four) and
admire.
In treating of the Irish, naturally enough, a bull may be
frequently expected ; in writing from London, the " haitches "
and the " wes " may be hoccasionally taken liberties vith ;
in France my expressions will perhaps be sometimes
" vine-clad " like her own hills. From the summit of Mont
A*
VI INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE.
Blanc, seated on an ice bank, I shall write you a cool epis-
tle, from the apex of the Cheops Pyramid a pointed one,
and from the Bridge of Sighs of course a doleful one. With
these brief explanations it is hoped that most readers of
common sense will be able to follow the thread of the dis-
course with ease, or, if they do occasionally wander off the
track, will succeed in regaining it, so that, though they lose
themselves, yet at the end of their journey, at least, they
shall find themselves 'Very respectfully,
Dunn Browne.
CONTENTS
CHAPTER I. page
WEIGHS ANCHOR 1
CHAPTER II.
COMES TO SOUNDINGS 6
CHAPTER IH.
TERRESTRIAL SEA-SICKNESS 11
CHAPTER IV.
THE CITY OF PRINCE BLADUD 16
CHAPTER V.
IN "town" 20
CHAPTER VI.
LEAVES " TOWN " 25
CHAPTER VII.
" UNDERGROUND RAILROAD " TO PARIS 30
CHAPTER VIII.
FRENCH TALKING AND TALKING FRENCH 34
CHAPTER IX.
PARIS BY GASLIGHT AND BY DAYLIGHT 38
viu CONTENTS.
CHAPTER X.
KNICK-KNACKS 42
CHAPTER XI.
THE CHURCHES OF PARIS 46
CHAPTER XII.
MUSEUMS AND ART IN PARIS 50
CHAPTER XIII.
HIS FEELINGS ARE TOO MANT FOR HIM 54
CHAPTER XIV.
THE EXPOSITION AND THE EMPEROR 58
CHAPTER XV.
WOMEN, RABIES AND DOGS .62
CHAPTER XVI.
" DEMANDS HIS PASSPORTS," NOT BEING INVITED TO A GREAT PUB-
LIC FESTIVAL 66
CHAPTER XVII.
WAITING AT THE STATION 70
CHAPTER XVIII.
BRUSSELS, (WITH WATERLOO OMITTED,) 74
CHAPTER XIX.
COLOGNE 78
CHAPTER XX.
GERMAN RAILWAYS AND FIRES 82
CHAPTER XXI.
\J A UNIVERSITY TOWN 86
CONTENTS. IX
CHAPTER XXII.
CHRISTMAS AT THE " KRONE " 91
CHAPTER XXIII.
STARTS FOR THE ORIENT 95
CHAPTER XXIV.
ERFURT TO DRESDEN 99
CHAPTER XXV.
DRESDEN, THE SPLENDID 103
CHAPTER XXVI.
PRAGUE, THE HOMELY 107
CHAPTER XXVII.
A DOOR OPENS, AND SHUTS AGAIN 112
CHAPTER XXVIII.
VIENNA, THE MAGNIFICENT .116
CHAPTER XXIX.
TRIESTE AND VENICE, PROSE AND POETRY 121
CHAPTER XXX.
SUMMIT OF THE CHEOPS PYRAMID 126
CHAPTER XXXI.
INTRODUCES YOU TO SUNDRY INTERESTING PEOPLE 131
CHAPTER XXXII.
A VOICE FROM THE TOMBS 136
CHAPTER XXXIII.
CAIRO, THE PICTURESQUE 141
X CONTENTS.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
JOHN BULL SEES MORE THAN HE BARGAINED FOR 146
CHAPTER XXXV.
ALEXANDRIA TO JERUSALEM 151
CHAPTER XXXVI.
THE HOLY CITY 156
CHAPTER XXXVII.
MARE ASPHALTICUM 162
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
DOES NOT " TARRY AT JERICHO " 168
CHAPTER XXXIX.
SAMARIA AND GALILEE 173
CHAPTER XL.
OVERLAND TO BEYROUT 178
CHAPTER XLI.
THE .EGEAN AND THE DARDANELLES . . . 182
CHAPTER XLII.
THE CRIMEA . 189
CHAPTER XLIII.
MODERN RUINS 195
CHAPTER XLIV.
DOWN THE MEDITERRANEAN 199
CHAPTER XLV.
ATHENS 203
CONTENTS. XI
CHAPTER XL VI.
QUARANTINE 207
CHAPTER XLVII.
RETROSPECTIVE FROM THE ETERNAL CITY .........211
CHAPTER XLVIII.
IN A VETTURA 217
CHAPTER XLIX.
HERETICAL VIEWS ON THE SUBJECT OF RUINS 221
CHAPTER L.
FLORENCE, THE BEAUTIFUL 227
CHAPTER LI.
THE BIRTH-PLACE OF COLUMBUS 281
CHAPTER LII.
THE NIGHT DILIGENCE 235
CHAPTER LIII.
ON FOOT AMONG THE ALPS 239
CHAPTER LIV.
INDEPENDENCE AMONG THE CLOUDS 243
CHAPTER LV.
DOWN THE RHINE 247
CHAPTER LVI.
REPOSES IN HOLLAND 252
CHAPTER LVIL
UTTERLY DISREGARDS THE CONSEQUENCES 257
Xll CONTENTS.
CHAPTER LVIII.
MERRIE ENGLAND 261
CHAPTER LIX.
ENGLISH UNIVERSITY TOWNS 265
CHAPTER LX.
THE JEDBURG BORDER GAMES 270
CHAPTER LXL
EDINBORO, THE LITERARY 276
CHAPTER LXIL
IN AN IRISH JAUNTING CAR 281
CHAPTER LXIIL
ANOTHER TASTE OF THE BRINE 286
CHAPTER LXIV.
EXPERIENCES IN HIS NATIVE LAND 291
CHAPTER LXV.
THE BEST, BECAUSE IT IS THE LAST 296
MR. DUNN BROWNE'S EXPERIENCES IN
FOREIGN PARTS.
CHAPTER I.
WEIGHS ANCHOR.
Atlantic Ocean (top of it and pretty well along towards the east side). )
On board cupper ship Quickstep, Sept. 18, 1855. J.
After several days of delay beyond the appointed
time of sailing, owing partly to man, (want of men,)
and partly to Providence, (want of wind,) we did
finally succeed in sailing from the quarantine sta-
tion in New York harbor on Monday, August 27th.
The pilot, appearing on board early in the morning,
in spite of a rather unfavorable wind and an im-
mense amount of swearing, (I could hardly tell which
was the greater obstacle to the execution of his or-
ders,) was successful in taking us out of the beauti-
ful bay into the open sea. Since, one o'clock the
same day, we have seen no land except that portion
1
2 mr. dunn Browne's
of our native soil which still remains on the faces of
some of the sailors. But we hope, if our favorable
wind holds, to make Land's End to-morrow, and
London early next week. However this is all guess-
work with us, (passengers,) for the officers of the
ship take particular pains to tell us the most ridicu-
lous and conflicting stories as to our whereabouts
and progress. This, and frightening the women with
fearful tales of the dangers of the sea, constitute their
idea of wit in its highest development.
First day out : Strong N. E. wind, which, as that
was precisely the direction we wished to go, was not
on the whole favorable to our progress. The ship
persisted in leaning over at an angle of 45°, so that
you could walk with equal ease on the floor and on
the leeward side of the cabin. Passengers were to
be seen leaning over the bulwarks contemplating the
ocean waves with signs of deep emotion, and occa-
sional outpourings of feeling very touching to the
beholder. Second day : Precisely similar to the first.
Third day : If any thing a little more so ; the wind a
little stronger ; the ship a little steeper, and the pas-
sengers a little sicker; every thing, in short, slightly
aggravated. The evening was delightful. Sat sev-
eral hours at the stern in the moonlight, watching
the bubbles of fire in the waves, and musing upon
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. S
home and friends. " Sail on the lee bow," shouted
the look-out, and gradually a dark shadow became
visible in the dim distance, glided like a spectre
slowly past, and vanished. "Waxing decidedly poet-
ical under the combined influence of the moon, the
waves, and the phantom ship, I was recalled to the
realms of the real by a huge wave leaping over the
taffrail and depositing at least a barrel of the " briny"
in my lap. Thus pickled I retired dripping to my
state-room, " a wiser and wetter man." Fourth day :
A lurch of the ship sent three cups of coffee, two
men, (one pf whom was not your humble servant,
the other was,) one bowl of sugar, a woman and
baby, three plates of ham, one hairbrush, six roasted
potatoes, a jar of pickles, and a wash basin of water
with a soapy boy in it, all into a corner of the cabin
together. Selecting ourselves out of that heap of
miscellaneous articles, and leaving the rest to be
picked up by the steward, resumed our breakfast as
if nothing had happened. Smart ship is the old
Quickstep, only rather playful.
The first few days are a fair sample of the whole
passage hitherto, fair, beautiful, dull, and stupid in
the extreme. Life at sea is very poetical one hour
perhaps out of the twenty-four, but prosaic enough
the other twenty-three ; may answer very well one
day in the week, but deliver me from the other six.
4 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
We are but a dozen of us, passengers, mostly
Cockneys returning in disgust from a brief sojourn
in Yankee land to blessed Hold Hengland, the 'orae
of their hinfancy. Every one of us disagreeing with
every other one on all possible subjects, we yet live
together in great harmony, performing mutual offices
of kindness and good-fellowship ; a little bullet-
headed Ducfhman offering a share of his cherished
Schiedam Schnapps to the sick wife of a Hungarian
refugee ; a Kentuckian and a Londoner ending a
wrangle of an hour and a half about the merits of
their respective countries in a couple »of friendly
brandy punches ; a freethinking London bookseller
and your humble servant, after spending the whole
afternoon in the main-top-mast cross-trees in dis-
cussing, metaphysically, theologically, and scriptu-
rally, the Noachian deluge, afterwards discussing a
bottle of porter together, (thoroughly exhausting both
subjects). Though the Maine law be an admirable
institution on land, yet if anybody argues in favor of
it here, we silence him directly by presenting to his
mouth and nose a glass of the diluted emetic which
goes under the name of water on board ship. One
dose is sufficient. The patient recovers immediately
from his delusion, and pronounces the Maine law
eminently a terrestrial animal. If our tea and cof-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS.
fee were decent, the case would be different ; but as
it is, we are absolutely driven to porter, and some of
the Englishmen, I am afraid, even to stronger pota-
tions.
6 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER II.
COMES TO SOUNDINGS.
Friday, Sept. 14, 1855. — For the last few days,
with a strong S. S. W. wind, we have been rushing
through the waves at a tremendous rate, frequently
twelve or fourteen knots an hour, getting up such a
momentum indeed that we begin to fear we shall not
be able to put on the brakes and stop in time to keep
from running down the small island of Great Britain,
(an accident which would exert an important influ-
ence upon the course of Mr. Browne's future travels,
and also upon the issue of the war).
Saturday, Sept. loth. — Great Britain may con-
sider herself safe for the present. We have n't mo-
. mentum enough to-day to run down a fishing smack.
In fact it is a dead calm, and very provoking too, so
near land. Obtained soundings to-day for the first
time in about eighty fathoms water. So there is an
Eastern continent here at last, if we only go down
deep enough for it. My first impressions of Europe
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 7
are, I must confess, rather vague and indefinite. Its
splendors don't strike me yet very forcibly. If the
rest of it is like that portion which I have already
seen (what was brought up on a deep sea lead), I
think the soil must be poor.
Wednesday r , Sept. 19th. — I have been sick; sick
at sea ; and, worse than all, sick in a calm at sea,
with the ship pitching and tossing at random, instead
of regularly. Woke the other night from my first
sleep with quite a number of unpleasant sensations
that I was already familiar with, besides several new
acquaintances. A redhot needle in each eye ; sharp
knives thrust through the temples ; a boa constrictor
squeezing my chest and shoulders ; the hugest kind
of an elephant trampling on the small of my back ;
legs broken on the wheel and stretched on the rack
and burned in the fire all at once ; this can only give
a faint idea of the disagreeables of that night. I felt
enormously large and heavy ; my head a perfect
mountain ; my limbs big trunks of trees ; my body
as large as the Colossus at Rhodes, and all made of
lead. I had ever so many things to do which could n't
possibly be done ; impossible numbers to count, im-
possible burdens to lift, impossible mountains to
climb and seas to cross. Every thing that can't be
done I felt obliged to do at once. I had to square
4
8 MR. DUNN BEOWNE'S
the circle, to discover perpetual motion and the phi-
losopher's stone, and the philosophy of the spiritual
rappings ; to inscribe a four-sided equilateral triangle
in a circle whose diameter should be five times its cir-
cumference, and several other geometrical problems of
equal ease. Remained in this delightful state of body
and mind through the night and part of the next
day, but am now "complaining" of being a little
better, though I can't possibly get well or calm again
till this calm in the wind ceases.
Thursday, Sept. 20th. — With what joy did we rush
on deck last evening to catch the first faint fannings
of a southerly breeze as they began to fill the great
sails of our ship and bring her round to the proper
course (she had been perversely heading south-west
for several hours after completely boxing the compass
during the day), and started us on our way with con-
stantly accelerated velocity; and all, too, as gently
as 't were the breath of an infant. Truly a ship is a
great thing, but it is moved by a little wind and
guided by a small helm, turned by the strength of a
single man.
Friday, Sept. 21st. — I am much better, but the
breeze, poor thing, is dead, and a whole brood of
hopes buried with it. A government steamer (for
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 9
the Mediterranean probably) has just crossed, our
bows, gliding along quietly eleven or twelve knots
per hour I consider it a decided insult to us that she
should pass thus near just to aggravate our feelings.
But now to avenge us on her, the wind is springing
up again. Unfortunately it is dead against us, but a
head wind is better far than none, for a ship is a
contrary sort of a female, (quite unlike the rest of
the sex,) and will go right in the teeth of an oppos-
ing force, but let her alone and she won't go at all.
The old Quickstep will coquette along up the chan-
nel, now steering for the Parlez-Vous, and now back
again to the embrace of John Bull, till it is a wonder
if she does n't miss both parties and get off to Norway.
Monday, Sept. 2ilh. — A pilot came on board yes-
terdav afternoon, and cheered us with the informa-
tion that in a week or ten clays we should probably
arrive in London, beating up under the present wind.
Weary with the nine days we had been already
tossed about without any perceptible progress, four of
us chartered his boat and came to land last evening
at Torquay, a town of some 15,000 inhabitants, about
40 miles to the eastward of Plymouth. The situa-
tion of the town on the bold headlands of Torbay
is delightful in the extreme, and all that wealth and
10 mk. dunn Browne's
art can do to improve nature has been added. Either
my eye never beheld such a scene of cultivated
beauty, or thirty days at sea warps one's judgment
somewhat in reference to the dear old solid land.
Yours, once more safe on " terra firma."
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 11
CHAPTER III.
TERRESTRIAL SEA-SICKNESS.
An English inn of the good, old-fashioned sort, is
just the most comfortable place in the world next to
your own home. Small, quiet, clean, with good beds,
the most admirable cookery and best of servants,
giving you just what you ask for and at. any hour of
day or night; a man who would grumble under such
circumstances ought to attend his own funeral as
soon as possible, and leave this beautiful world to
more reasonable people. -Early Monday morning,
after enjoying a nice " mutton-chop," (I never under-
stood the full meaning of that tender, juicy, delicious
word till our bright, tidy, black-eyed, and rosy-cheeked
Susan, with her coquettish muslin cap and her merry
laugh, having spread the table for four in our own
little parlor, brought them in all smoking hot, with
the proper accompaniments,) I sallied out for a stroll,
taking an umbrella, for though the morning was
bright and fair, yet I knew by the accounts of travel-
12 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
lers that it always rains in England before night,
and was determined to show the weather that I
wasn't to be taken in by appearances.
Every thing about an English town is strange to a
Yankee ; the buildings all of solid stone, and gable
end to the street ; the tiled and thatched roofs ; the
immense walls about the gentlemen's residences (so
that you might call an Englishman's house not only
" his castle, " but almost his prison) ; the narrow and
crooked streets ; and above all the infinite variety of
vehicles you see therein, of the most fantastic shapes,
and generally four times as strong and heavy as they
need be. Then there are the multitudes of donkeys,
in carts and in carriages, with huge panniers and
packsaddles, driven by little ragged urchins, ridden
by big men and women, and unmercifully beaten
with sticks.
But I was too much intoxicated with the freedom
of the land after being shut up so long in a ship to
confine myself to the streets or roads even, but
quickly branched off into the fields, wandering over
hill and dale without any regard to direction or dis-
tance, unmindful of hedges, walls, gates, and boards
full of warnings to trespassers ; picked the cunning
little flowers under my feet, patted all the donkeys
(four-legged ones) I met ; one of whom ungratefully
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 13
kicked me in return (I patted him considerably harder
next time) ; chased the sheep (who were so fat and
tame they wouldn't make much sport) ; plunged by
and by into a village school among a hundred of the
noisiest little rogues I ever saw ; scrambled a hun-
dred yards down some steep cliffs and took a sea
bath; took a bath of another sort before I got up
again; straying a while longer, found a little one-
story village, and went into a funny, black, smoky
ale-house, made of stones, brick, and mud, with
thatched roof sixty years old they told me, (the house
may have been, for ought I know, six hundred) ;
purchased of a smiling woman, as little, old, and
queer as the house itself, four-pen'orth of bread and
cheese and a mug of ale ; found that I was five miles
from Torquay, that one of my feet was blistered, and
that, after all, an ocean voyage is n't the best prepara-
tive for a long walk in the country, %o far as legs are
concerned.
To shorten the distance back, I left the road, went
over a steep hill and some twenty hedges, took a
wrong turn and went two miles past the town. Ac-
cordingly proceeded to negotiate with the driver of a
fish cart, whom I happened to find going the same
way, to carry me back, he stipulating that I should
stand a pot of half-and-half, and binding himself to
14 mr. dunn Browne's
set me down at the toll-gate about half a mile from
my inn, which treaty was carried out to our mu-
tual satisfaction. Hobbled home, lame, hungry, and
sleepy, about 7 P. M., from my first walk in the
mother country.
My Cockney companions being bound for London
by the night express, I bade them adieu at an early
hour and left them in company with sundry flagons
of beer, industriously preparing for their departure*,
but was somewhat surprised to find one of them
next morning left behind, having been detained by a
sudden attack of sea-sickness, accompanied by vom-
iting and other disagreeable symptoms. He recov-
ered sufficiently, however, with a light breakfast and
a cup of coffee, to take the rail with me for the
North, on through beautiful Exmouth and cathedral-
crowned Exeter, till at last I stopped at Bristol and
left him with the farewell prescription of total absti-
nence from ale, as most likely to prevent the recur-
rence of that sea-malady which had troubled him the
previous night.
This Bristol is a low, dirty, smoky, old, dilapidated
town which would n't pay for visiting except as a
contrast to some other fine ones in its vicinity.
After visiting two or three fine old churches, I walked
out to Clifton, two miles, to St. Vincent's Rocks,
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 15
where is a scene which amply atones even for Bristol ;
a gorge about 300 feet deep with a river running be-
tween its banks, on which gay, sharp little steamers
some seventy feet long and about three feet wide were
plying, and then the most romantic and enchanting
scenery in the distance. All the hills, trees, houses,
fields, and hedges for miles around are arranged with
an especial reference to the view from Clifton
Heights ; even the flocks of sheep, I noticed, had
men and dogs employed to keep them in picturesque
attitudes. Tried to throw a stone across the river
below. The first one fell short amongst a parcel of
children playing on the bank ; the next just missed
one of the little steamers above mentioned, which
was crowded with people ; and the thought, about
that time occurring to me that this was a rather dan-
gerous amusement, I desisted, and proceeded to in-
vest a couple of shillings in the purchase of some
specimens of the rock, which is in part composed of
petrified animals and vegetables, and becomes very
brilliant when properly polished.
16 mr. dunn browne's
CHAPTER IV.
THE CITY OP PRINCE BLADUD.
The air at Bristol being composed of every thing
but oxygen and nitrogen, at least every thing that is
black and smoky and noxious, I decided not to risk
myself through the night in such a location, and
came on twelve miles towards London to the famous
city of Bath, " the Queen of the West." Now it is
no great matter to arrive in a strange place at eleven
o'clock at night ; but when that place happens to be
full of soldiers, and all the hotels crowded to over-
flowing, (an English inn will accommodate from four
to six individuals in an emergency,) why the case
is different, and the symptoms are aggravated by
every new negative to your request for a bed. After
being repulsed from the " Blue Boar " and the
" Golden Lion " and the " Green Dragon," as well as
several other impossible animals, after attacking sev-
eral "Castles" in vain, being cut loose from the " An-
chor," discharged from the " Queen's Arms," and
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 17
hissed away from the " Goose and Gridiron ; " I fol-
lowed the ragged boy whom I had engaged as
guide up a dark lane about three feet wide, of
various heights and longer even than " that lane
which has no turning," for this had six or seven at
least, to the " Rose and Crown," which had already
its complement of half a dozen lodgers, but by per-
suading two acquaintances to sleep together, I found
here rest at last for my weary feet.
In the morning, during the two hours that inter-
vened between breakfast and the departure of our
train for London, I made a minute and detailed ex-
amination of this city of 70,000 inhabitants ; visited
the Pump Rooms, going several streets out of the
way in order not to see a review of those soldiers who
had troubled me so much the previous night : ana-
lyzed the waters of Prince Bladud's Fount (by drink-
ing a couple of glasses) : detected therein very plainly
Sam Weller's " Killibbyate " taste, and two or three
other distinct villanous flavors : so that, being also
lukewarm, it is exactly one of those delightful com-
pounds which the doctors delight to force down peo-
ple's throats in gallons for the benefit of their health :
visited the Old Abbey Church, one of the most beau-
tiful, both externally and internally, in the kingdom ;
the Crescents, Parks, Circus, etc. : climbed up from
2
18 mr. dunn browne's
the bowl to the rim of the great basin in which the
city is situated, and should have spilled myself over
into the adjacent lovely country, but my time was up,
my train was waiting and engine puffing in haste to
take me away to London.
Railway travelling is in several respects different
in England from the same thing in America. You
are not annoyed by the dust and cinders which are
the inseparable abomination of our cars ; you enter
the car at the side instead of at the end ; nobody can
get in without a ticket ; you are locked in ; and the
conductor whistles instead of the engine. The pas-
senger cars are much smaller and less splendid than
the American; have larger wheels and no brakes at-
tached. No road or street crosses the track, all are
either above or below. In general, all the business
of the road is managed in a much more clumsy and
more safe way than with us, and by six times more
men, who know each his own duty and nothing else.
For instance, I asked eleven, railway employe's (at
least they had on the railway uniform, though they
didn't seem to be very busily employed) and two of
them engineers, before I could find out the width of
the gauge of the Great Western road on which we
were riding, and the last man could only answer,
after measuring, that it was seven feet. Would any
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 19
Yankee be lounging about the track months, or years
perhaps, and not find out how far apart the rails were ?
I trow not.
Shortly after leaving Bath, we plunged into the
bowels of the earth, and remained in total darkness
so long that our emerging at the Antipodes really be-
gan to seem a thing quite to be expected. Feeling
after my next neighbor and instituting inquiries, I
found we were in the " Box " tunnel, which is only
three miles long, though it seems ten at least. Our
engine did open its mouth here for the first and last
time, and uttered one shriek of triumph as we came
forth into daylight again. But after all, the noise of
an English engine is a mere baby's squeak compared
with the hideous, terrific, unearthly roar of a Yankee
locomotive. "We passed over and under and through
several fine towns and a great deal of lovely and fer-
tile country during the day, and about five o'clock
began to smell and taste London, which we also saw
and heard half an hour later, and which place is the
present abiding place of your humble pilgrim andi
servant.
20 mr. dunn browne's
CHAPTER V.
IN " TOWN."
If London could be cut up into a dozen parts and
taken in twelve separate, distinct doses, the effect
might perhaps be pleasant and healthful ; but as it is,
all together, swallowed whole, it nearly kills one.
Yes, I am compelled to say, London is entirely too
big. And yet the infatuated inhabitants, far from
acknowledging and seeking to remedy this defect, go
on adding house to house, and street to street, till
one begins to feel that it is by a wise dispensation
of Providence, England is an island, that so a limit
must come some time to the growth of this monster.
The streets have used up all the names and several
times over, so that in many instances a dozen differ-
ent streets are called by the same appellation, and a
surname has to be taken up behind, as, " Broad st,
Bloomsbury," that is, that particular Broad street,
which intersects Bloomsbury street.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 21
Taking a stroll the morning after my arrival, I
came upon a little, muddy, narrow, insignificant
stream, with a few boats moving about on it and a
great many more lying high and dry on either side.
" Does this little creek run * into the Thames ? "
inquired I of a very prim looking gentleman standing
near. " Run into the Thames ! " repeated he, darting
from beneath his spectacles a look of mingled aston-
ishment, grief, and indignation, (which would cer-
tainly have withered me if the spectacles had 'nt for-
tunately been present to break somewhat the shock,)
" That, my dear sir, is the noble river Thames." Of
course I did not prolong the conversation under the
circumstances, but couldn't help thinking the river as
much too small as the city too large. Taking how-
ever another view in the afternoon when the tide had
risen upwards of twenty feet, I felt that I had done
Father Thames an injustice, to atone for which, I
have ever since admired his docks, bridges, and ships,
every thing that is his, to the utmost extent.
There is nothing brilliant about London, but
every thing is made for service. The houses are rough,
black, and grim, with walls two or three feet thick ;
the carts and carriages heavy, huge, and not to be
broken by any number of concussions ; and the
horses that drew them, especially the dray and
22 mr. dunn browne's
brewer's horses, perfect elephants in size and strength.
Every thing is done slowly and methodically in
London. It is as difficult to hurry an Englishman
as it is to check a Yankee. The one can't be
dragged out of a regular routine of duty, the other
can't be driven into it. The English guide, how-
ever, who conducts you over the public buildings,
must be most emphatically excepted from the above
remark. He is any thing but slow, and annihilates
time and space in a way to make railways and
electric telegraphs hide their diminished heads.
With him a thousand years are but as a quarter of
an hour, and a whole empire full of poets, states-
men, and heroes, only a five minutes' walk. Having
pocketed the shillings, or the sixpences, as the case
may be, the object is to get rid of us in the shortest
possible time, to be ready for the next pocket full of
small change. An usher of the black robe conducted
a dozen of us sixpences through that large and
ancient portion of Westminster Abbey, which is not
open to the public, in fifteen minutes ; and an old
fat fellow in flame color (how he came to be fat I
can't imagine) circulated some twenty of us shil-
lings through the Tower, with its ten thousand ob-
jects of interest, in less than half an hour, including
« the visit to the jewel room where a glib-tongued
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 23
matron rattled off to us in a sing-song tone, with-
out once stopping to take breath, what I presume
to have been (for I could n't distinguish the words)
a description of the various crowns, sceptres, swords,
rings, bracelets, and other baubles which we saw
glittering in a glass case before us. After she had
finished her rigmarole and the old fellow in spangled
scarlet had dragged off the party, wishing to obtain
one item of definite information if possible, I asked
the woman which was the great Koh-i-noor diamond,
but she could not inform me, though upon reflection
she pointed out the Koh-i-noor bracelet, where sure
enough I saw the monster gem sparkling in the
midst of a cluster of inferior stones like a sun among
stars. They learn every thing by rote and are puz-
zled by the simplest question, if it require an answer
not precisely contained in their catechism.
- St. Paul's cathedral again, is sold in small parcels
to suit purchasers, a sixpence to go down here, one
and sixpence to go up there, etc., so that it costs
you something over a dollar to see the whole, and
the hurrying process practised here is still more
shameless than in the other places. In fact we
spent about three minutes in the crypts beneath the
church, and I was threatened with a locking down
for lingering a moment beside Nelson's tomb. I
24 mr. dunn browne's
knew however that another party would be along
soon, and so was not greatly terrified. Now if these
plump old churchmen must make the house of God
a source of profit, why can't they pocket the shil-
lings, and then have a few sentinels on guard about
the building to see that it sustains no detriment, and
leave the spectator to roam about at his leisure, and
indulge in the appropriate emotions without the
abominable nuisance of an illiterate blockhead of a
guide ? I pause for a reply.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 25
CHAPTER VI.
LEAVES "TOWN."
The best thing about London, the most healthful,
the loveliest, finest, and most magnificent, the super-
lative of all the good adjectives, that only which
redeems London from the curse of its vastness, is,
the parks, hills and meadows, groves and forests,
right in the heart of the city where you can hide
yourself away from all its sights and sounds as
completely as if a tliousand miles away ; quiet,
lovely green islands in the ocean of London, against
which the waves of toil and business beat in vain.
The palaces and prisons of the great metropolis
I have seen, but, receiving no pressing invitation
to enter either, have had experience only of their
most comfortable side — the outside. ' The gloom-
iest, least desirable residence of them all is St. James'
palace, and Newgate prison the next. The others
are very much after the common sort. Buckingham
26 mr. dunn Browne's
•palace is a large, substantial, plain, comfortable-look-
ing, three-story house, a very respectable tenement
for the queen or any one else, only the rent is rather
high. About Lambeth palace I cannot speak very
definitely. Walked round it the other morning,
some two miles, under the shadow of a high, black
wall, to see if there was any place to enter or get a
view of it, and there isn't the smallest spot, save
that at one corner you can get a glimpse of a few
of the highest towers. How the poor old arch-
bishop manages to get in and out, unless he uses
a balloon, is a puzzle to me.
With regard to the new Parliament Houses, which
are consuming the people's money at such a ruinous
rate, I really cannot make up my mind as yet
whether to admire them greatly or not ; the work
however will not be suspended to await my decision.
There is one notable circumstance, though, which
I can't help mentioning. In all that immense pile
of building, covering acres of ground, there isn't
a room capable of containing five hundred people.
Even the hall of the House of Commons, which
numbers six hundred and fifty-six members, I think,
can only seat three hundred persons at most (a tall
policeman and I counted the benches) ; so you see
that a seat in Parliament requires something more
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 27
than an election. I do n't wonder now at there being
so many " contested seats," but should think trouble
of that sort would occur every night. The intelligent
policeman, above referred to, however, gave me a
tolerably satisfactory explanation of the matter, i. e.
that one half the members of the house were always
in the refreshment rooms recruiting exhausted na-
ture, the illiberal public sentiment of England not
allowing legislators to devour peanuts and ham-
sandwitches in the house during the sittings, as is
practised so generally in our own more enlightened
Congress.
The only wonderful thing about the world-re-
nowned Thames Tunnel is that it should cost so
much money to dig so small a hole. The difficulty
of its completion is only surpassed by its uselessness,
now it is done. The penny admission fee, however,
is well expended, for it presents the cheapest method
T know of, of descending from the heights of fancy
to the depths of reality.
The British Museum and the Crystal Palace at
Sydenham are, each, a great world into which one
needs to be born and live a whole life in order to
describe it, and as my existence was but an infantile
one of a single day in each, of course a description
is out of the question. You see every thing that
28 mr. dunn Browne's
you expected to see, and every thing that you didn't
expect to see. Wonders upon wonders rise before
you till the eye is tired with seeing, and you are
glad to take one parting look of the huge Bulls of
Nineveh, to catch one last flash of light reflected
from the glorious palace of glass, and go home ex-
hausted from very fulness. One portion of the
magnificent grounds of the Sydenham Palace is
profusely adorned with Ichthyosauri and Iguanodons
and all the other imaginary and impossible monsters
with which poetical geologists have delighted to
people our world during those vast periods that
elapsed before its creation. These animals are
mostly built of bricks and stucco, rather in the
grotesque style of architecture, with a decided
leaning to the Tusk-mi style in ornament. The
general effect is nightmareish and bugbeary and
hobgoblinical in the extreme. Young England and
its nurses pass through these walks with suppressed
breath and trembling steps.
The Bank of England is a suspicious, ill-looking
building, without any windows and shockingly low
as if it had been driven into the ground a couple of
stories, but it is very richly gilded within. One of
the cashiers politely requested my name and resi-
dence upon a bit of paper I had in my pocket, and
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 29
then very handsomely presented me with five golden
sovereigns therefor ; with which sum I decided to
leave London at once, before I fell among any more
thieves and guides.
On my journey I called at Brighton with its beauti-
ful beach, its suspension pier, and its pretty houses
built of pebbles laid up in cement ; Chichester, with
its ancient cross and fine old cathedral containing
many of Flaxman's choicest groups of sculpture ;
Portsmouth, with its grim fortifications and huge
war-ships, (among which I visited the " Victory " on
which Nelson died,) and its enormous dockyard,
where I was refused admission because I was an
American, and told them I would willingly wait till
we came over and captured Portsmouth and could
examine at our leisure ; wandered a day over the
lovely Isle of Wight, a perfect paradise of verdure,
and reluctantly, with many a lingering look at the
romantic scenery about Osborne house, (one of the
Queen's summer residences,) passed over to South-
ampton and embarked for Havre. So good-by
to glorious old England for the present, and " bon-
jour " to her sprightly ally.
30 mr. dunn browne's
CHAPTER VII.
"UNDERGROUND RAILROAD" TO PARIS.
Custom-houses are certainly among the customs
which ought to be abolished as soon as practicable,
but if the evil be still a necessary one, it is, surely,
managed at Havre in a way to produce as little in-
convenience and vexation as possible. The trav-
eller's baggage is subjected to a merely nominal ex-
amination without any of that searching and rum-
maging which I had been led to expect. The only
trouble about the matter is the delay of an hour or
two, or three, consequent thereupon. There being
nothing of especial interest here save a fine quay,
perhaps we may as well skip Havre and rush on to
Rouen as soon as possible, which place we will reach
as soon as I have finished one remark by way of
episode in reference to railroads.
It is astonishing how many tunnels they build in
France and England. They go out of their way
any time to find a hill to bore through, in order to
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 31
save land damages, I suppose. The road to Rouen
is mostly subterranean. We passed through the
cellars of one or two towns (and the attics of one at
least by way of compensation), and at last emerged
from one grand, long, and hideously dark tunnel into
the very midst of the ancient capital of Normandy.
Rouen is the strangest, queerest place I was ever
in ; there is not a thing in it which is not strange
and queer, for if you should chance to light on any
thing common-place, that would be the strangest of
all from its very rarity. No two streets are on the
same level or run in the same direction, or in any
particular direction at all ; and no two houses in the
same street are alike in height, width, or nearness to
the centre of the street. They are of all sorts of
materials, and the windows and doors are thrown
in entirely at random. It is called a Gothic town I
think, but if you can't find specimens of all the
orders or at least disorders of architecture in every
street, then I have studied Eschenburg's manual in
vain. I made no inquiries for a map of the town,
for I knew of course that such a thing would be im-
possible to construct, but strolled about all the morn-
ing, asking no questions for the reason that the
people in France don't talk good French, and it is
a wonder to me now how I ever escaped from the
32 ME. DUNN BEOWNE'S
labyrinth or found any of the public buildings, but
fortune favored me in both respects more than I had
any right to expect.
The cathedral is a most noble and venerable edi-
fice, shockingly disfigured by stacks of miserable little
houses and shops leaning up against its walls ; its
facade covered with delicate tracery in stone ; its
three towers of beautiful proportions and lofty, one
(of iron) three hundred and eighty feet high, if I un-
derstood the French numerals correctly. The huge
church of St. Ouen rivals the cathedral itself in all
except antiquity. Here, finding a little door in one
of the pillars I availed myself of the opening, crawled
up a circular stone staircase some one hundred and
fifty feet in the dark, and strolled over the towers
and battlements a half hour, having the good for-
tune not to find myself locked up when I came
down. And six or seven more ancient and costly
churches I visited in that morning walk, each of
which would make the fortune of any other town in
the way of the picturesque, but which seemed noth-
ing wonderful here ; also the ancient Palace of Jus-
tice and Parliament House; the statue of Joan of
Arc in the market-place ; a curious old archway and
tower containing a huge clock ; a very old church
changed into a blacksmith's shop, and other curious
sights at every step.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 33
A few more tunnels, and a great deal of lovely
scenery along the valley of the Seine, (a punster
would say that was only what we might expect,)
bring us to Paris where I have just arrived, weary,
sleepy, and deperately hungry.
34 MR. dunn Browne's
CHAPTER VIII.
FRENCH TALKING AND TALKING FRENCH.
Most people have a particular set of organs to be
used in talking, called vocal organs ; but a French-
man's organs are all vocal. He talks with every
member and muscle of his body and every article of
dress he wears. I don't think a parcel of Parisians
in straight waistcoats could understand each other.
A shrug of his shoulders is a whole sentence. A
wave of the hand dispenses flowers of rhetoric. He
emphasizes with his elbows and punctuates with his
fingers. A flourish of his coat tail is a figure of
speech. He shakes metaphors from the folds of his
pocket handkerchief, and at a' pinch, even his snuff-
box serves to round a period. You ought to have
seen the eloquence of one old lady's petticoat, the
other day, as she was enlarging upon the advantages
of an apartment, for the rent of which your humble
servant was negotiating. The grace with which she
flourished that article of wearing apparel about the
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 35
room, the striking attitudes it assisted her in assum-
ing, the great variety of meanings it conveyed, cer-
tainly gave me new ideas with reference to the
capabilities of dress as a medium of thought. Of
course, in this case, the petticoat was the outside
garment. If its voice had been stifled under the
folds of a long, awkward dress, in all human proba-
bility the result would have been totally different, for
my own unassisted judgment would have prompted
me, I confess, to have chosen some other apartment.
The earnestness, energy, and passion which the
French throw into even the most ordinary conversa-
tion is wonderful. I have been several times on the
point of interfering to prevent a quarrel, or quicken-
ing my steps to get out of its reach (according as my
benevolence or self-love for the moment preponder-
ated), when my fears have been removed by seeing
the supposed combatants wave each other a smiling
adieu, and separate in peace. I have been hitherto
so much engaged in seeing people talk, observing the
queer expressions and movements of the face and the
grotesque contortions of the body, that I have had lit-
tle leisure for hearing, or for displaying my own pro-
ficiency by talking. Whatever remarks I have had
occasion to make, however, have been readily under-
stood, while of the gibberish addressed to me in re-
36 mr. dunn Browne's
turn, I could hardly make out two words in a sen-
tence ; which shows very plainly who speaks the best
French. Indeed, it must be acknowledged by the
greatest admirer of Paris, that very few indeed of her
inhabitants speak French with that purity and cor-
rectness of pronunciation which are imparted in most
of our American schools and colleges. I find, how-
ever, that they are improving every day, as I can un-
derstand them much better now than a week since,
when I first arrived.
Every thing is done here in the dramatic style, as
might be expected in a city where thirty thousand
people attend the theatres every night. Two market
women, parting for the night, bid each other adieu
with all the pathos of captive princesses ordered to
immediate execution. The driver of an omnibus
cracks his whip and shouts to his horses with the ar-
dor of a warrior charging the enemy. The vender of
cabbages and carrots arranges his vegetables with an
eye to the scenic effect. The blind and lame beggars
asking alms at the doors of the churches, form them-
selves into picturesque " tableaux." All are acting a
part. Everybody down to the very children at their
play, and every thing, even to the soups of your din-
ner and the tie of your cravat, is u a la" somebody or
something else. And not only a theatrical but also a
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 37
military air pervades the whole community, not con-
fined either to the inhabitants, but extending over the
face of nature. The trees in the parks are all drilled
and disciplined into regular battalions, cropped,
pruned, and trimmed into perfect soldierly uniformity,
not a single rebellious branch left to grow in its own
wild luxuriance, not a leaf daring to rustle out of its
rank and file. So also the flowers and plants in the
public gardens are drawn up with the same military
precision, marshalled in battle array over against each
other, poor inoffensive little things, with no weapons
to discharge, save perfumes. Monsieur l'Empereur,
is n't this pushing military tactics a little too far ?
38 mr. dunn browne's
CHAPTER IX.
PARIS BY GASLIGHT AND BY DAYLIGHT.
Paris has two sides, like a Brussels carpet, a right
side and a w ong side, which latter must be kept out
of sight, if one wishes only to admire. Two thirds
of the city is made up of narrow, dirty, crooked,
ugly streets, inhabited by poor, half-starved, ill-clad,
wooden-shod operatives ; the other third is the abode
of princely luxury and splendor. In one of the great
Cafes on the fashionable Boulevards, a hundred francs
is very often paid for a dinner, and one can scarcely
get wherewithal to satisfy his appetite for less than
thirty francs ; while in a little eating-house not fifty
paces distant, the laborer gets a meal for ten eous.
Although the palaces, monuments, fountains, church-
es, and public edifices are numerous and costly
almost beyond belief, and many parts of the city real-
ize all one's anticipatory dreams of the glory and mag-
nificence of the gay capital, yet on the whole, there
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 39
is a little disappointment at finding this paradise of
the world built of very common looking stones,
bricks, and mortar, like other cities, the streets not
very sweet smelling, and the men therein all disfig-
ured about the mouth, by hair of every possible
shade of the dirty colors.
Every thing here is too artificial. There is not one
bit of pure, unadulterated nature left within the city
limits. There are trees enough, but they are all
shaven and shorn as I have before told you ; hills
enough, but they are hills that man has piled up ;
lakes, streams, and fountains enough, but they are
only a series of ingenious hydraulic experiments by
skilful engineers. A Frenchman cannot let Nature
alone. Nothing that God has made is quite perfect
till it has also passed under his own finishing hand.
Luckily he cannot reach the clouds, or he would
doubtless set himself to cut and shave them down
into more regular shape, and out of the parings carve
a parcel of Grecian statues to set up on the arch of
the rainbow.
But however Paris may appear by day, by night
the scene is magnificent beyond description. Fairy
tales, the Arabian Night's Entertain ments, all that
you have seen, read, or dreamed of that is glorious
and brilliant, glimmers, fades, goes entirely out in the
40 mr. dunn browne's
comparison. The streets all in a blaze of gas-light
and crowded with bustling vehicles and gay prome-
naders ; the hundreds of theatres and other places of
public amusement, brilliantly illuminated and send-
ing forth peals of joyous music and laughter; the
thousand and one long arcades, covered with glass
and lined with a continual succession of shops full of
all manner of tempting wares; the gorgeously fur-
nished cafes and saloons filled with merry guests of
both sexes, eating and drinking together ; the hum of
the ten thousand voices, the glare of the myriad
lights, the ever-changing panorama of brightness,
that is passing before you, charms, dazzles, confuses,
intoxicates, fairly stuns you into a state of staring
wonder and amazement. You know that there is
very little substance to all this show, but you none
the less admire. You have seen the other end of the
kaleidoscope, how it is only little bits of painted glass
that are the basis of these enchanting visions, still
they are none the less lovely for that. But in the
morning, when the gas is turned off, and the fog*is
turned on, when the elegant carriages have given
place to the lumbering drays, when the blouses and
wooden shoes have the pavement all to themselves,
and the dull shutters conceal from your view the
treasures of the shops, then comes the disenchant-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 41
ment. Bright poetry, stripped of her feathers, turns
out to be only plain prose after all. You see noth-
ing of your last night's banquet but the broken bot-
tles strewed about the floor, the chairs upside down,
and the tables covered with bones and crumbs. You
find that nothing is more stupid than a theatre by
daylight ; you are disgusted in fact, and turning into
the first restaurant that appears, call for a cup of
strong coffee and some eggs, for yourself and your
humble servant, Dunn Browne.
42 mr. dunn browne's
CHAPTER X.
KNICK-KNACKS.
Paris is one vast, grand, magnificent toy-shop, for
children of all ages, where every thing which can't
possibly be of the slightest use to you, and which
you will be sure to break in carrying away, is ex-
posed for sale in endless variety and profusion. Ten
thousand little images, busts, and statuettes of mar-
ble, plaster, sugar, chocolate, bronze, gingerbread,
soap, and porcelain, illustrating all the Heathen My-
thologies and Pagan Divinities ever invented, the
natural history of all animals and unnatural history
of all nations : jewelry enough to supply all the in-
habitants of the globe to the last naked Hottentot,
with each a gold watch, half a dozen rings for the
fingers, ears, or nose as fashion shall dictate, a brace-
let or two, and a gold tooth-pick : a million walk-
ing-sticks with ivory heads carved into such fantastic
shapes and covered with such delicate tracery that
the purchaser dares not lay hand upon one, but car-
EXPEKIENCES EN" EOKEIGN PAKTS. 43
ries it daintily under his arm : an infinite assort-
ment of portmonnaies decreasing in size as they
increase in price, on the very reasonable principle
that the more you pay for one, the less money you
will have left to put into it : dolls with staring eyes
and painted cheeks, from the size of a full-grown
woman away down till the waist becomes invisible
to the naked eye : fans enough to blow a fleet of the
line across the Atlantic : ten thousand flimsy articles
of dress of which I no more know the names than I
do what part of the body they are intended to cover
or reveal: a world of perfumery of more strange
scents than the sharpest nose ever dreamed of: in-
numerable and indescribable knick-knacks to eat,
twisted into an infinite variety of forms without any
substance, delightful to the taste but melting into
utter nonentity long before they reach the stomach :
every thing in short, from a Jews-harp up to a ten
thousand dollars Sevres vase, and all arranged with
such taste, so temptingly displayed, that you are
certain to buy something, and equally certain to be
sorry for it after. Your whistle is so beautifully
gilded, and is delivered to you with such fascinating
grace, that you never think till too late, how dearly
you are paying for it.
The French are just the nicest, pleasantest, most
44 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
accommodating, and most graceful shopkeepers in
the world. They are perfect with but one little ex-
ception to show that they are mortal after all, and
that is in the matter of honesty. Their prices are
entirely extempore, and vary according to the weather
and their opinion of your ignorance of the article in
question. It is amusing to go into a shop and get
the price of the same article on different days. I de-
termined not to purchase a hat till I found a man
who would tell me the same sum twice in succes-
sion, and was a fortnight in the operation, and pre-
sume that it was only by accident that I succeeded
at last. Perhaps, however, there is no intentional
dishonesty in the thing. Nearly all the articles on
sale are such as have no intrinsic value, and it is
only natural, therefore, that their price should be a
thermometer of the ever-varying fancy of the seller.
Speak of buying and selling, and of honesty, nat-
urally leads us to the Exchange, or Bourse, the great
centre of financial operations, where two or three
thousand merchants meet daily, a place which, more
than any other, has produced an impression on my
organs of hearing, if not on my mind. Any one who
has visited the New York Exchange, vividly recol-
Jlects the effect of the reverberations of sound under
the dome. But even with that for a basis, no stretch
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 45
of the imagination can enable one to form an ade-
quate idea of the " noise and confusion " of the Paris
Bourse. I just begin to see for the first time why-
brokers are called bears and bulls. If there had been
2,000 literal bears and bulls shut up under that dome,
all bellowing and roaring with might and main, and
each with a speaking trumpet to increase the sound,,
they might have roared themselves hoarse before
they could rival their human prototypes. They shut
up about a hundred of the noisiest between the two-
concentric circular railings towards one end of the vast
hall, and it is highly interesting to stand in the gal-
lery and look down upon their frantic gesticulations..
" Operations at the Bourse" were truly "lively" the
day I visited it. That Niagara of sound has beeni
ringing in my ears ever since ; though Niagara is a
very feeble and inadequate comparison for it, believe*
me.
46 mr. dunn Browne's
CHAPTER XI.
THE CHURCHES OF PARIS.
The churches are the most impressive of all the
'buildings in this city of palaces and splendid edifices.
Their great antiquity and interesting historical asso-
ciations ; the solemnity of this grand old Gothic ar-
chitecture, more in unison with a place of worship
*than with a building for secular purposes ; their lofty
"arches, curiously carved ornaments, stained windows,
and the fine paintings and statues which adorn them,
combine to give them an interest which nothing else
possesses in the same degree. And yet while the
general effect is impressive and edifying in the high-
est degree, when one comes to examine more mi-
nutely, he is constantly stumbling upon such quaint
and funny carved work, or such ridiculous and shock-
ing taste in painting, or in selecting subjects to paint,
that ten to one he doesn't go out of the church in any
better frame of mind than he has on entering. Side
by side with the most delightful pictures illustrating
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 47
the Gospel history, you will find a herd of seven-
headed and ten-horned beasts from the Apocalypse,
and some of the most incredibly silly passages from
the lives of the Romish saints that the wildest imag-
ination can conceive. And then just on the line be-
tween the ridiculous and sacrilegious, come their
altar pieces with all sorts of representations of the
Deity, the Virgin Mary usually occupying a promi-
nent position on the left hand of the Father, while
the Son is on His right. Over the door of the
Church of St. Vincent de Paul, appears in bas-relief
" The Holy Trinity," the Father, a stern-looking
man, something like the Jupiter of Grecian mythol-
ogy, with black hair and beard, the Son, a milder
personage, with light hair and blue eyes, at his side,
and the Holy Ghost in the form of a dove, perched
on a cloud over their heads.
Apropos of pictures and graven images, I was
interested in the groups which appear on the huge
bronze doors of the Madeleine ; illustrations from
Scripture history of the consequences of breaking
the several commandments ; not only from their
marvellous beauty, but from the fact that the second
commandment does not appear at all, and the num-
ber is made up by splitting the tenth ; " Thou shalt
not covet the wife of thy neighbor," forming the
ninth, illustrated by a most magnificent representa-
48 mr. Dunn Browne's
tion of the scene between Nathan and David. I
had heard this accusation brought against the Ro-
man Catholics before, but never saw any proof of it
until now, as the Douay Bible, I think, has the whole
decalogue correctly.
There is no situation so fitted to solemnize the
mind, and fill it with devotional feeling, as standing
under the nave of one of these grand old churches
(or still more splendid modern ones, the Pantheon
and Madeleine,) always provided it be done any
day of the week but Sunday, when the case is en-
tirely altered. I have attended high mass one or two
sabbaths, and such a conglomeration of excellent
music and muttered Latin, gilt angels, holy water,
wax candles, and little boys in white with red caps
on, and kneelings and kissing crucifixes, and ringing
little bells, and tossing censors in the air, I never
saw before, certainly under the name of religion.
However the audience appear extremely devout, pay
the strictest attention to all the exercises, cross them-
selves with holy water at the door of the church, and
then go out to enjoy a fine holiday and visit the
theatre in the evening, for this is the great gala-day
when all Paris is to be seen in the streets and at the
places of amusement, except about half the work-
men, who continue their labors as on other days.
The priests are a pleasant, polite, benevolent-look-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 49
ing class of men, round and rosy-faced, wearing
rather a graceful costume, especially the hat and
feather, and, what seems to me a little strange, I
confess, looking precisely alike, of exactly the same
height, features, and weight, to a pound, for all the
world like coins stamped in the same moukJi and
differing only in the different degrees of wear and
tear caused by the circulation. I haven't yet made
a sufficient number of observations to establish the
general principle, but that is the result of my inves-
tigation so far.
50 mr. dunn browne's
CHAPTER XII.
MUSEUMS AND ART IN PARIS.
I AM a lover of the fine arts, and manifested a
taste in that direction at a very early age, by draw-
ing portraits of my schoolmates on the slate that
should have been covered with arithmetical prob-
lems, as well as by executing several fine statues
in snow. I admire pictures, and think the face of
nature reflected on canvas, almost as beautiful as
the original, and the faces of men and women even
usually a trifle better looking than their originals.
But moderation is desirable in all things. The ap-
petite of the eye is not insatiable any more than that
of the stomach. For myself, having examined, dur-
ing the past month, several hundred acres of cele-
brated paintings and a corresponding amount of
fine statuary, to say nothing about endless collec-
tions of miscellaneous odds and ends of broken
ancient cities and several immense palaces full of
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 51
Gobelin tapestry and interesting historical associa-
tions, I begin to confess to a feeling of weariness
coming over my powers of admiration ; and to no
small joy in the thought that I have only about a
dozen more museums to visit in Paris. Really, it is
astonishing, bewildering, discouraging, the amount
of the fine arts one is here obliged to undergo. It
affords one sincere pleasure to remember that the
Allies carried away about half in 1815, and it even
begins to appear an alleviating circumstance to be
mentioned in favor of the revolutions, that the mob
usually amuse themselves by tearing in pieces
some half a dozen palaces with their precious con-
tents ; though not much is gained thereby, after all,
for these same revolutions in turn furnish such a
world of striking scenes for the next crop of artists
to illustrate, that the loss is quickly made up, and
thus the temple of the arts ever rises anew out of
its ashes, built of its own cinders, by the hands of
its own destroyers, in the light of its own expiring
flames. (I have a faint idea that I am indebted for
the last part of the foregoing sentence to the com-
position of a remarkably promising sophomore, sub-
mitted to my friendly critical inspection in days of
yore.)
In the first place, there is the Louvre, with its
52 mr. dunn browne's
twenty-three separate grand museums, (one of which
occupies a room more than a quarter of a mile in
length,) enough in itself to satisfy any reasonable
city of a million inhabitants, and certainly enough
to give any reasonable man business for a lifetime
of study and meditation. Here are gathered mas-
ter-pieces of all the ages and nations of history ;
several ancient cities exhumed from the grave of
oblivion, and transported hither bodily by sea and
by land ; the sepulchres of the dead, the warlike
trophies, the sacred utensils of worship, and the com-
mon household furniture of all the nations, kingdoms,
and tribes under the sun ; works of art illustrating
every stage of its development, every epoch of its
history ; the dusty and mutilated glories of antiquity
as well as the still untarnished glories of modern
times ; all brought together into one grand repository,
the children of a most prolific mother, all entertained
around one hospitable hearth.
Next comes the young and mighty " Exposition
des Beaux Arts," with its six acres of paintings, its
drawings, engravings, and sculpture, a collection, in
the opinion of many judges of no mean authority,
absolutely unrivalled, at the present time, in the
world. But we have even now only just begun the
enumeration, for there are yet to mention the gallery
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 53
of the Luxembourg ; the splendid collection of the
" School of the Fine Arts ; " the score of Palaces in
and around Paris, all lavishly adorned with the
works of the most celebrated masters ; Versailles,
which in many respects surpasses all the collections
yet spoken of, and whose glories positively cannot
be described nor imagined ; and aside from mere
paintings and statuary, the museums at the im-
perial manufactories of Gobelin tapestry and Sevres
porcelain, those rare pictures in wool and in mud;,
then the vast collection of coins and medals at the*
Mint, and a collection of ancient seals at the Im-
perial Library, besides numerous other smaller,
museums at the various public buildings throughout
the city. All these are open to the public during
the great exhibition, and from all these comes that
weariness of which I have spoken, and with whichi
doubtless you are in a state to sympathize, now
that you have endured the enumeration.
54 ME. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XIII.
HIS FEELINGS ARE TOO MANY FOR HIM.
As it is one of the very first principles of Art that
no amount of nakedness is indecency, and clothing
is on the whole dispensed with, except an occasional
Toga for some man who is as unYike an old Roman
as possible, and a sort of a nondescript flowing robe
which sometimes partly conceals the lower half of
the female form, leaving the beholder greatly puzzled
as to the way in which it is fastened up, why one
gets at last somewhat reconciled to the thing and
learns to look at naked realities and historical scenes
stripped of all extrinsic appendages without being
greatly shocked. But occasionally the paucity of
apparel seems so glaringly opposed to all the circum-
stances connected with the incident represented, that
the sense of fitness will rebel against this rule of art.
I didn't mind seeing a very lightly clothed Delilah
caressing a great, silly, naked Sampson to sleep on
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 55
her lap, because the probabilities do not greatly op-
pose such a view of the case, nor disturb myself very
greatly at seeing a polite, naked old gentleman of a
dark brown color (the servant of Abraham) offering
necklaces and bracelets to a half-naked damsel of a
few shades lighter complexion, whom I took to be
Rebecca, for it was a warm day and they were under
the shade of some trees, and the artists must have
some license. But when the very next picture that
met my eye was poor Ruth out in the hot sun,
gleaning among the rough wheat-sheaves, with
nothing on but the above-mentioned nondescript gar-
ment and insanely hugging an armful of bearded
grain against her tender breast, it really seemed to me
that as the case is now out of Boaz' reach, somebody
ought to interfere, and I have accordingly spoken out.
Mr. Artist, I appeal to you, would it not have been
better, by a few strokes of your brush, to have ex-
tended that garment up to her shoulders, or at the
very least, to have covered the poor creature's head
with a broad-brimmed palm-leaf hat, as a matter of
mere humanity, to avoid harrowing people's feelings
with the sight of so much apparent suffering ?
And then, again, two thirds of the female figures,
besides being represented nude, are also in a state of
repose without a line of expression in their faces or
56 mr. dunn browne's
of movement in their bodies, all regular and fault-
less and beautiful and stupid as images cut in blanc
mange, and at last you get thoroughly disgusted
with wandering about among a parcel of character-
less Venuses, Graces, Nymphs, and Virgins, with
their everlasting monotony of well-rounded limbs,
plump bodies, and smooth faces. These are not all
the materials necessary to the composition of a true
woman, either in the world of real life, or in the ideal
world of art, and therefore I pronounce half the stat-
ues and paintings of females in the Great Exposition
as veritable shams as the wax concerns which the
dress-makers put up in their windows to illustrate the
fashions.
There are a few women there, though, especially
the portraits, (I noticed two or three among the Eng-
lish portraits this very day,) whom I should be hap-
py to receive into my very selectest circle of acquaint-
ances. I wonder whether these portraits are real
likenesses of anybody or not. But their very superi-
ority over the vapid Goddesses and fancy sketches
around them, shows that they must be reflections of
a real beauty which exists somewhere besides in the
brain of the artist. After all the ecstacies, however,
into which people pretend to fall over works of art, a
real live woman and a bona fide tree are as much
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 57
superior to all artificial imitations of them, as the
stripes of a rainbow to those of a calico bed-quilt,
and, thank Heaven, we have both, women and trees
in our country in a perfection not to be attained in
the Old World, so it is no great matter if our "show"
of pictures at the Exposition be meagre, which it
must be confessed it is, decidedly. There is a re-
spectable picture of Franklin arguing the cause of
the Colonies before the French king, a rather striking
one of a wounded soldier leaning on the shoulder of
his beloved, a spirited Broadway sleighing scene, and
another whose coloring seemed to me very fine, a
sharp little negro boy holding an umbrella over the
head of a beautiful Odalisque, besides several por-
traits, two little views of Niagara, etc. etc.
58 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XIV.
THE EXPOSITION AND THE EMPEROR.
The Exposition of '55 is henceforth to be spoken
of among the things that were. It is already shorn
of most of its glories, and on Thursday next, Novem-
ber 15th, it is to be finished, extinguished, fairly blown
out by a grand blast of 1,500 trumpets and other mu-
sical instruments. On the whole, considering that it
had not the charm of novelty like its London proto-
type, and that a state of war is n't exactly favorable
to such an enterprise (though the Russian trophies
displayed in great abundance have attracted much
attention), it has been as successful as could well be
expected. Many have pronounced the thing a failure,
indeed, but on what grounds I cannot see, unless, for-
sooth, it is a failure not to have gathered there every
single object animate and inanimate in all creation,
for I can think of nothing now, save Dr. Hitchcock's
bird tracks, of all that is in the heaven above and the
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 59
earth beneath and the waters under the earth, of
which a specimen could n't be found in some corner
of the great palace of industry. I was in momen-
tary expectation of putting my foot into one of them
even, but by some strange fatality, not one is to be
found not only in the Exposition, but not even in the
vast geological museums of the city, the magnificent
and costly collections at the Garden of Plants and
the School of Mines.
And so the great Exhibition being closed, the
Emperor will be obliged to provide something else
to amuse the people with. His office is certainly
no sinecure, as his very appearance shows. I have n't
met in all the streets of Paris a more care-worn
countenance than that of their ruler. He has labor
to provide for all the workers, and amusement for all
the idlers. Moreover, bread is getting exceedingly
high, and the pulse of the Parisian populace always
rises with the price of food. The symptoms are
already slightly feverish. A little incident was
whispered in my ear yesterday, which is not with-
out meaning, though I cannot vouch for its truth
any further than to say that it was a very respectable
person who told it to me. The Emperor was pass-
ing two or three days since through the midst of
a large body of laborers engaged upon one of the
60 mr. dunn browne's
bridges now in progress, and noticing that they did
not take off their hats as usual, he paused a moment,
and the following brief but expressive dialogue took
place: Emperor — "My friends, you are discon-
tented." Laborers — (Looking rather sheepish and
some of them removing their hats,) " Bread is too
high." Emperor — " My friends, I am occupying my-
self about you ; " and passed on without another
word. But it takes a very powerful decree to make
the price of bread fall when the crops are short, and
it is difficult to induce butchers to sell meat for
much less than they are obliged themselves to pay
for it. However, things are very quiet, and Louis
Napoleon knows how to manage the French people
probably as well as any one ; but, as I have just said,
it is no sinecure. They need to be kept very busy.
It is wonderful, though, how they love the name of
Napoleon and reverence his memory. I have never
heard his name spoken here even by a child without
a visible feeling of pride and reverence. The splen-
dor of his tomb under the dome of the " Invalides "
tells the same story, as well as the crowds who flock
to visit it on the two public days in the week, when
the top of the Sarcophagus is removed, and you can
look down into the receptacle and almost see the
dust of the Great Departed. The mothers lift up
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 61
their little children to allow them to gaze upon it, as
I have seen mothers do at funerals to give their
little ones a last look at the features of a deceased
friend. The care with which every thing is preserved
that belonged to the Emperor, the rooms in the
Louvre and other Palaces full of sacredly preserved
relics, are all evidences of the same affection. Every
article of dress that he wore, every table that he wrote
upon, chair that he sat upon, handkerchief that he
wiped his face withal, every sword that" he drew in
battle, every knife and fork that he wielded at the
table, whatever he touched, has become more pre-
cious than gold in the eyes of this hero-worshipping
people. They bare their heads at the mention of
his name, they recount his exploits with burning en-
thusiasm, little incidents of his private life they re-
late with tears in their eyes, they know by heart the
history of all his battles and the minutest event, of
his career. They hate the English, I verily believe,
more from the treatment he received at their hands,
than from the many centuries of hereditary hostility
between the two nations.
\
62 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XV.
WOMEN, BABIES, AND DOGS.
The women of Paris, generally speaking, are not
very beautiful. Their naturally dark complexion is
not improved any by constant exposure, (they wear
nothing on their heads but a little muslin cap,) and
then the wear and tear of countenance, resulting
from their energetic manner of talking, materially
aids Father Time in ploughing furrows in their cheek.
But, if not remarkable for beauty, they are very keen
looking, with their bright black eyes, sharp features
and quick movements, and make the best possible
shopkeepers and accountants. Even in the eating-
houses, where the waiters are men, and in the shops
where salesmen of the masculine gender are em-
ployed, there is a nice, neat little woman, with
smooth, dark hair, and black silk dress, nine times
out of ten at the desk, to attend to the money mat-
ters ; and I give you leave „to cheat or catch one in
an error if you can.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 63
Passing naturally from the women to the babies,
these are the funniest, most serious, old looking little
bits of well-behaved humanity that it is possible to
conceive of. I counted more than forty, with their
nurses, the other afternoon, down on the Boulevard,
at a .sort of a baby-show, which takes place every
fine day in front of the Cafe de Paris, and there
wasn't one of the whole score who didn't deserve
a gold medal for its perfect propriety of demeanor
and correct general deportment. " Cry ? " They
would laugh you to scorn if you suggested such a
thing. You might as well expect to see a cry started
in an assembly of Indian chiefs, gathered in stately
conclave about their council fire. Gray hairs might
have learned a lesson in good behavior from these
tiny things, that had no hair at all to speak of, at
least I didn't see any, possibly because they all wore
little white caps. On the whole it was a very edify-
ing and entertaining spectacle, especially when the
refreshments were served. They have four or five
places called Creches, immense reservoirs of babies,
which receive in the morning the infantry of the la-
boring women of the whole district, and distribute
them again at night, several matrons of experience
taking charge of the cradle and pap department
through the day. I don't know whether this is a
64 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
peculiar institution or not, but it strikes me as a good
one, and especially adapted to a Republic, as it ac-
customs the young citizens at an early age to public
assemblages and teaches them to trust to their own
resources.
From babies, which are a species of quadruped, it
is but a step to dogs, and I am constrained to say
that the French taste as displayed in this direction,
is truly deplorable. Every dog in the city, so far at
least as my observation has extended, is of some
miserable, dirty color or combination of colors, with
coarse hair, of various lengths, having no shape at
all, any more than a nightmare, with a most valla-
nous bark, a tail without any wag to it, and a moral
character worse even than its physical traits. And
yet, such is the Frenchman's love for this vile beast,
that no strictness of police regulations, no amount of
taxes, nor muzzles, can persuade him to give up his
dog. Nay, even his love increases with every fresh
act of persecution, and will doubtless continue till the
last dog has had his day and died. The tailors and
dressmakers show a similar depraved taste by filling
their windows with horrid little monkeys, dressed
out in the extreme of fashion, with velvets and laces
and flounces, miraculous cravats, and gorgeous rib-
bons, fans, canes, and opera glasses, till they really
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 65
bear a frightful resemblance to some of the figures
you meet in the streets, and are ashamed to acknowl-
edge as human, like yourself and your humble ser-
vant,
Dunn Browne.
5
66 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XVI.
"DEMANDS HIS PASSPORTS," NOT BEING INVITED TO
A GREAT PUBLIC FESTIVAL.
Have spent the past week, this last week of my
stay in the city, before departing to the depths of
Germany to den up for the winter, amidst the meer-
schaums and the gutturals, in finishing up a variety
of promiscuous and miscellaneous sight-seeing, and
in getting my passport vise at some twenty different
legations in all quarters of the city. This ast pro-
cess is a trifle more serious than one would be likely,
at first, to imagine. That part of Europe which I
am about to visit being divided into a series of king-
doms, duchies, principalities, and republics, each
about the size of a good Illinois farm, and their
agents being scattered over all Paris, and changing
their residence continually, and each requiring at
least two visit's, one to find out the two hours or so
in a day during which the office is open, and the
other to get your business attended to certainly the
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 67
patriarch of Uz is the only man on record who would
be likely to find this a pleasant and agreeable duty.
And I believe that even Job, when he found that, be-
sides all his trouble, he must sell a camel or two to
pay fees at about half these legations, would wish
himself back again among the Chaldeans. Have
just returned frorrf the office of the Prefect of the po-
lice, from whom I have obtained permission to leave
Paris, after informing him of my age, residence, pro-
fession, destination, time of departure, and route by
which I intend to go. (I did not mention the num-
ber of shirts I shall carry, nor say any thing about a
large paper bag of sandwiches just prepared for re-
freshment on the way.)
By some unaccountable mistake, or perhaps by
some intentional diplomatic slight, I did not receive
an invitation to be present at the closing of the Pal-
ace of Industry on Thursday, and so was obliged to
take an outside ticket, and stand an hour amongst a
crowd of people who were all taller than I, waiting to
see the imperial procession pass by. Obtained a fine
view, however, (under the arm of a tall coachman in
livery,) of the emperor and empress, as they rode
slowly and smilingly past in an eight horse coach
completely covered with gold and diamonds and
spangled footmen. The royal couple endured their
68 MR. DUNN BKOWNE'S
part in the pageant very gracefully, yet looked as if
they fully agreed with me in thinking the whole
thing a decided bore. The imperial luminaries hav-
ing set, (behind the doors of the great palace,) your
unworthy correspondent departed from that vast
concourse of the living, to find himself soon in the
midst of an equally numerous' but not so noisy,
multitude of skeletons of the dead, at the immense
anatomical museum of the School of Medicine, a
collection of wonderful interest and beauty, without
any thing repulsive or shocking. Not so the Museum
Dupuytren, of morbid, diseased anatomy, which I
visited next; the most ghastly and horrible place I
was ever in, full of all manner of monsters, abortions,
and unsightly malformations ; skeletons twisted into
every possible species of deformity ; all the members
and organs of the human system exhibited in every
stage of the most frightful and disgusting diseases ;
loathsome tumors, cancers, and ulcers which seemed
to emit offensive odors though only modelled in wax;
in short an abominable collection, fitted to give one
the nightmare, and which ought never to be seen by
anybody in a world of hope and happiness. (Re-
marks to the same effect had been previously made
to me, and were my chief inducement for visiting it.)
Stepped into the Morgue on the way home, and
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 69
saw the body of a poor drowned man stretched out
on one of those dismal benches, where so many-
thousands of friendless wretches have taken their
turn before him, waiting for some chance passer-by
to recognize and claim the remains for burial.
Having proceeded so far in this line of sight-
seeing, I attempted next to get into the Catacombs,
and failing of that, went out to the cemetery of Pere
le Chaise, a regular city of the dead, with narrow
streets, and crowded with inhabitants. I never could
rest comfortably, I am certain, with my mortal re-
mains confined to such a narrow space, and packed
in among such a miscellaneous multitude. Mount
Auburn, or Greenwood, or the cemetery at Spring-
field, or any one of a dozen others I could name,
is infinitely more beautiful, yet Pere le Chaise is
full of the most costly and splendid monuments,
and hallowed by thousands of illustrious names.
The tomb of Abelard and Heloise is the oldest, the
grave of Marshal Ney the most interesting, from the
fact that it has no stone and no record ; a little iron-
inclosed plat of ground planted with flowers, and
that is all. The common people are packed in just
as closely as the coffins can lie, and the graves are
marked with simple wooden crosses, which, in a few
years, are all swept away, and a new generation
buried on the same ground.
70 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XVII.
WAITING AT THE STATION.
Having rashly entangled himself in the intricacies
and perplexities of a French railway guide, your
unfortunate friend and correspondent finds himself,
in consequence, writing this present epistle in the
Paris station, instead of being half way to Brussels
on the wings of steam. Tumbled out of bed at
six o'clock this morning, and hurried away coffeeless,
through the cold, drizzling rain, for the sake of an
early start, and now find that our train leaves at
half past nine. What nuisances railroads are, in-
deed ! And for people to pretend that they save
time ! Let them come and stop two hours in this
cold depot, that's all, pinned down here, too, as I
am by a lot of baggage which can't be checked till
just before the train starts. Ah ! my dear reader, let
me warn you never to bring any thing with you on a
foreign voyage but a single change of linen, and a
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 71
t
heart possessed of patience. The amount of money
and mental anxiety that two carpet bags have cost
me is almost incalculable. There, I will leave the
things here, while I go to yonder restaurant for
coffee and a "bifteck," and may the man who steals
that baggage find it as great a plague as its present
possessor has done, is the worst I can wish him ! * *
Those stars indicate, not the suppression of any
part of this precious epistle, but only the lapse of
time necessary to fill an "aching void" in a region
just below the heart of the writer thereof; and
may also symbolize the brightness of the pair of
glorious black eyes which would doubtless have
made an impression on the susceptible heart above
mentioned, had not the face to which they belonged,
been slightly dirty. The hair, too, of the gentle
maiden was uncombed, and her dress decidedly
dishwatery in its general effect, besides bearing dark
evidences of a recent visit to the coal-hole ; in short,
that restaurant demoiselle had not expected visitors
to breakfast at quite so early an hour ; nevertheless,
the grace of a true French woman did not desert her,
and, by some mysterious process, those grease stains
and coal-spots grew less and less noticeable, and
finally disappeared altogether, like spots on the sun
when you throw away the sjnoked glass. As I came
72 mr. dunn browne's
out of the room, she seemed a very neatly attired
young person indeed.
My baggage, unfortunately, is all safe, and clings
to me with the pertinacity of an inveterate bore,
which, in truth, it is. You never need fear having
any thing stolen in Paris, however. They know
tricks here worth a dozen of that, and will entice the
money out of your pocket in the most gentlemanly,
courteous, friendly, and truly agreeable manner, with-
out once resorting to that stupid, obsolete practice
which may bring them into unpleasant relations
with the police.
Ah, what a volume of sound to come from the
throat of such an infinitesimal of a boy ! Here,
thou very linnet of a gargon, what hast thou to sell ?
The " Journal pour Eire ? " Well, let us see what
the Parisians have been laughing at this week.
" Reserved places for the monster instrumental con-
cert at the Palace of Industry." And where do you
think those same places are ? Why, out around the
fountains of the Place de la Concorde, about a half
a mile distant. And next, here is a picture of a
fat butcher, committing suicide by falling upon his
own knife, having been reduced to that desperate
act by reading the police regulations of the price
of meat. " An ingenious method of making in a
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 73
few minutes a pair of excellent shoes," which the
picture shows us is done by cutting off the tops of
a pair of new boots. " Fifty years hence, the man
who will invent stage-coaches will make his for-
tune." This little hit at railways is very consonant
with my feelings, at the present time. " Fifty years
hence, the journals will record this interesting dis-
covery : ' It has just been ascertained that feathers
from the wings of geese, prepared in a certain man-
ner, form a delightful substitute for those abominable
little bits of pointed iron with which we now write.
So this much calumniated animal is about to render
us a new service by delivering us for ever from the
nuisance of steel pens.' " And here is a column of
most execrable French puns, to deliver me from
which there goes, in good time, the bell for our train
"long looked for, come at last," and just ready to go
with, Yours in perils, by land and sea, and by rail-
«
road.
74 mr. dunn Browne's
CHAPTER XVIII.
BRUSSELS, (WITH WATERLOO OMITTED).
I have arrived in safety at the end of my first day's
journey, as, indeed, could not well have happened
otherwise, for, when an individual is once ticketed
and labelled for any place by a French railway, it is
utterly impossible for him, willing or unwilling, to
avoid getting there at the precise time specified.
He is so watched and guarded and locked in, and
constantly looked after, that no matter how com-
plicated may be the route, no matter how many
changes of cars, he is not allowed to stay in, or get
into, the wrong place for a single instant, he cannot
get himself left behind at a way station if he tries, he
cannot lose himself, nor commit suicide under the
wheels, nor escape his destination in any other imag-
inable way. One can hardly help, under such ex-
cessive care, being a little suspicious of a prison at
the other end of his route, and looks down, from
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 75
time to time, almost involuntarily to see if his panta-
loons are particolored.
The country we have passed through is rather
uninteresting, as indeed is*almost any country in
November, full of forests planted in regular rows,
women working in the beet fields just like the men,
ploughs with two or three wheels and machinery
enough for a locomotive, moss-covered, thatched
houses, and clumsy wind-mills. Among the most
remarkable incidents of travel to day, I saw a man
in a railway station eating hard-boiled eggs shells
and all, and another in the cars making his break-
fast of a piece of bread and a cigar, taking alter-
nately a whiff and a bite.
I was greatly interested, as we stopped a few min-
utes in an old French town, to see a score of little
girls play hide and seek in wooden shoes on the
stone pavement. The way the little, tiny creatures
stole along on tiptoe over the stones in their awkward
clogs, about as silently as a yoke of oxen with an
empty cart, and pretended not to hear one another's
echoing steps, and went spying away into corners
where they knew there was n't anybody, and passed
resolutely by others where half a dozen little curly
heads were peering anxiously out, and so sacrificed
themselves and suspended the use of several of their
76 mr. dunn Browne's
senses for the good of the game, was an instance of
the pursuit of fun under difficulties such as one
rarely sees. And they laughed so joyously and in
such good English that it was quite delightful ; and
I could have found it in my heart to stop and take
a game with them, if our watchful guards would
have allowed me.
In a bit of difficulty I fell into at the frontier,
owing to the custom-house officers not understand-
ing their native language very well, a handsome
young Dutchman addressed me in very good Eng-
lish, helped me out of my quandary, and has been
my very amusing and obliging companion ever since.
And indeed these Flemish people are altogether the
most polite and kind, and agreeable folks I have yet
seen, though they do, it must be confessed, drink the
most unseemly and incredible quantities of beer ;
some of the old guzzlers positively swallowing thirty
or forty pints in a single evening. The great room
'of the hotel where I am now sitting, (with a glass of
that same refreshing liquid standing by the side of
my inkstand,) contains nearly a hundred people,
every one drinking beer, and talking — let us see —
I can distinguish French, German, Flemish, and
English, at least four different languages. The
young Dutchman above spoken of and myself have
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 77
taken a stroll round the town since our arrival. It
is an exceedingly well-built city with a delightful
little park full of noble elms and oaks ; at least two
fine old churches containing not much in the way of
pictures, but some good statues and very curious oak
carving ; a tolerable palace ; an arcade decidedly
more magnificent than any thing of the kind in either
Paris or London; and an equestrian statue of God-
frey of Bouillon which is really worth a voyage
across the Atlantic to see. The noble crusader has
just that air of mingled valor and devotion whicb
befits the heroic conqueror of Jerusalem, who refused
to wear a crown of gold in the city where his Re-
deemer had borne a crown of thorns.
78 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XIX.
COLOGNE.
Succeeding by a desperate effort in getting up suf-
ficiently early, I breakfasted and left the pleasant cap-
ital of Belgium before 6i o'clock, A. M. Passed
through a series of prettily built towns and some of
the most romantic and delightful scenery along
towards the Prussian frontier, but after entering
Prussia, a rather flat and dull country again, and at
last, after enjoying a cold ride of eight hours and
meeting no obstructions save a few police officers,
we reached the ancient walled town of Cologne,
(name in good odor all over the world,) with its un-
finished cathedral and " no end " of guides. I never
was so pestered in my life. Started from my hotel
to visit the cathedral. Several beset me at once in
three different languages to take a guide. I pointed
to the stately old pile in plain sight before us, and
politely answered them in the same number of Ian-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 79
guages that I didn't want any guide and wouldn't
have one if he would pay me for the privilege. They
polyglotically persisted in assuring me that I never
could find the cathedral alone, and followed hard af-
ter me a street or two, but by preserving a resolute
silence, I at length shook them off; defeated two
more detachments of the enemy on my way, by ask-
ing them if they spoke Choctaw, and obstinately re-
fusing to understand any other language whatever,
and so at last came along-side the object of my search.
Being fairly beaten off by the numbers who attacked
me at the side door, I proceeded round to the front,
and made up my mind to enter at all hazards, and
enter accordingly I did, with a foe attached to each
coat-tail, and others spread out behind like a pea-
cock's train. Affairs getting thus desperate, I turned
about just inside the door, facing my pursuers: " Gen-
tlemen, I do not desire your assistance in the least.
I wish to look at this old church a few moments in
peace without anybody to bore me with the precise
height of all the arches and age of every pillar, and
name of every musty old archbishop who is buried in
the chapels. I will never pay one of you a red cent.
Will you be kind enough to leave me alone ? " This
broadside scattered that party, but the conflict had to
be renewed in every corner of the edifice. It is un-
80 mr. dunn browne's
doubtedly much the cheapest way to hire one of
these pertinacious individuals just to scare away the
others, and probably by the payment of a double fee
you might prevail upon him to follow you in silence,
and keep his superabundant information till it was
called for. The cathedral itself, apart from the
guides and the scaffoldings, is wonderfully beautiful
and dreadfully shabby, so old that it is crumbling to
pieces, and so new that it is n't yet half finished, and
probably never will be till the world and all things
therein are finished together.
Having read and admired the great " poem in
stone" for a considerable time, I proceeded to pay my
respects to the " 11,000 virgins," who have left their
bones piled up in the church of St. Ursula as a sort
of anatomical museum for the edification of the faith-
ful through many generations. They are very fantas-
tically arranged, arms in one place, ribs in another,
etc. ; the skulls mostly under glass cases, each with
its own pious legend and little embroidered cap, all
very pretty and affecting.
In the evening I walked over the Rhine on the cu-
rious bridge of boats, also circulated promiscuously
about the queer old city, (which is more like Rouen
than any place I have seen,) causing the greatest
anxiety on the part of my good landlord, who thought
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 81
I must surely be deranged to rush out into the
crooked streets of a strange town where I couldn't
speak the language of the inhabitants. I told him it
was ridiculous to think of losing a Yankee in a lit-
tle city of one hundred thousand inhabitants, sur-
rounded, too, by a high wall. He shook his head and
remarked that the Americans were a strange people,
and I noticed a look of great relief pass over his
countenance as I entered, at nine o'clock, safe and
sound. The most noticeable thing about the inhab-
itants of Cologne and the German people generally,
is their intolerable stupidity. Coming from France,
where every official answers your questions with the
utmost readiness and precision, I had neglected pro-
curing Bradshaw's Continental railroad guide, and
could not in all Cologne find out the proper route to
Gottingen, a little more than a hundred miles distant,
was misdirected at last at the ticket office of the road
that connects directly with that to Gottingen, sent
twenty-five miles out of the way, and compelled to
spend two days in getting where I might have ar-
rived in eight or nine hours. In short, or rather, at
length, I feel on arriving at this place that, if never
before, now certainly, I have acquired a full and per-
fect right to subscribe myself, yours truly,
Dunn Browne.
6
82 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XX.
GERMAN RAILWAYS AND FIRES.
The railway is certainly one of the best ways in
which to study the character of a people. The mu-
sical tendencies of the people of Belgium and Prus-
sia appear in the circumstance that the conductor
invariably carries a bugle to announce the departure
of the trains, and its cheerful " Tra ra la " is a very
pretty improvement on the groans and shrieks with
which an American locomotive suggests to the pas-
sengers the propriety of getting ready for a start;
those ominous sounds which seem to forewarn the
thoughtless traveller of the fate that very probably
awaits him at the next bridge. The notes of the
horn have the further advantage of enabling the
guard to convey considerable information as to the
size and importance of the various stopping places.
A single, short, contemptuous toot of the trumpet
announces a mere hamlet, not worth the trouble of
looking out the windows at; a more prolonged note,
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 83
or a fragment of a tune, proclaims a place of consid-
erable size ; and a fine, large city calls out from the
gracious official all his skill in a regular little instru-
mental concert. Once, however, happening to look
back, I observed quite a populous city at a station
where our conductor had vouchsafed but a single
note. Here, no doubt, was some private pique, some
personal feud with the inhabitants, which led to their
being thus slandered by the revengeful bugle, but
taking for granted an honest guard, with no private
animosity to gratify, I can almost promise to give
you the precise number of inhabitants along the
whole route without once looking at the map, with
no other data than that nicely discriminating bugle-
horn.
To the eastward from Cologne, however, the music
is not heard on the railroads, and the scream of the
old engine sounds out again hoarser and harsher than
ever. An ordinary train upon one of these German
roads is about the most leisurely method of getting
over the ground that I have ever tried except walk-
ing, and I did make a calculation one day whereby
I concluded it would be easy to gain two miles an
hour by going on foot, but that was before I knew
the difference between a German and an English
mile, so those figures were wasted. The train stops
84 MR. DUNN BKOWNE'S
at every station, a man walks quietly along its whole
length and unlocks the doors ; the guards, engineers,
etc., go in and take a few glasses of beer ; by-and-by
the man walks along again slowly and locks up the
doors ; pretty soon a large bell strikes, then the loco-
motive whistles, then a little bell tolls a few minutes,
then the conductor bids the smiling bar-maid, with
whom he has been chatting, good-by, and blows his
little tin whistle ; then the large bell strikes again,
the engine whistles once more, and very soon, if no
new passengers have arrived meanwhile, makes two
or three false motions forward and backward, and
gets gruntingly under way, to repeat the same per-
formance with variations at the next town. One
consolation under this mode of progression is that
there is not the slightest danger of accidents, for
even if two trains were approaching each other, the
passengers would have ample time to get out before
the collision, or if they chose to abide the shock
within, would probably meet with no more serious
injury than a slight disarrangement of curls or the
downfall of a hat.
A German fire, though, is a decidedly slower op-
eration than even the railroad. Fortunately the
houses are built in such a substantial manner that it
is almost impossible to burn one, and a fire doesn't
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 85
occur, for instance, here in Gottingen, once in five
years, I am told. A house managed to get kindled,
however, the other night, and the ten or twelve thou-
sand inhabitants of the place, with the exception of a
few sick and infirm people, assembled by beat of drum,
and sought to drown the fire with noise, screaming
themselves hoarse, ringing the bells and blowing
trumpets. Three or four little antiquated engines
which had long since fallen into their second child-
hood, came out and made wheezy efforts to throw
water upon the burning roof, but could n't possibly
play higher than the third story windows, and so,
having sprinkled a part of the thick stone wall with
a few pails of water, (which was brought by a long
line of men in buckets and poured into them,) ceased
their efforts and left the fire to expire of itself, after
leisurely burning up every thing combustible within
its reach.
86 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XXI.
A UNIVERSITY TOWN.
Gottingen is a sort of German " Sleepy Hollow,"
admirably adapted for a university town, for one is
absolutely driven to study as the only attainable
amusement. Nothing can be more primitive and
homely, and comfortable, and monotonous, and hon-
est, than the entire arrangement of things, the whole
system of operations, the business, manners, and cus-
toms throughout the city. Every thing here was fin-
ished long, long ago, and has become gray and ven-
erable, crumbling and moss-covered. There isn't a
sharp corner nor a fresh bit of paint anywhere to be
seen or run against. The houses are bowed down
with years at various angles from the perpendicular,
and each has a character of its own, worn and
wrinkled into its expressive old features. Not a sin-
gle young upstart tenement has dared to rise in their
midst for centuries, and carpenters and masons are
become quite an obsolete institution. None of these
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 87
houses have but one entrance, a pair of huge doors,
or gates rather, through which come and go car-
riages, horses, ladies and gentlemen, loads of hay,
children, servants, dogs, cows, and pigs, without in-
terfering with each other, all alike eminently respect-
able and well-behaved. Any kind of dress which is
comfortable is in the fashion, and you can get a pair
of boots made large enough for you. An old watch-
man perambulates the streets through the night sing-
ing out the hour in a monotonous, sleep-inspiring
tone, together with various pious precepts and some
sound advice in regard to raking out fires and fas-
tening up doors, which have thus been nightly re-
peated in the somnolent ears of the inhabitants from
time immemorial, and without which doubtless no
Paterfamilias could rest comfortably between his two
feather beds. A German bedstead is a sort of coffin
about five feet long and two wide, into which a
body squeezes himself and passes the night com-
pletely buried in feathers, and digs himself out in
the morning exhausted and suffocated by the un-
wholesome covering, unless indeed he has had
sufficient strength to kick it off at the first experi-
ence of its stiffing effects. I never endured the
thing but one night, during which I dreamed of un-
dergoing no less than four distinct deaths, one by an
anaconda necklace, one by a hempen ditto, one by
88 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
the embrace of a grizzly bear, and a fourth in the
press of a cider-mill. A German coffin on the other
hand is a large, exceedingly heavy box with four
stout legs, something like a French bedstead, roofed
over, (the roof is just like that of a house, the two
boards which compose it being placed at an angle
with one another,) and is hung with festoons of
flowers and ribbons. The funeral services are very
impressive ; but the church fees and funeral expenses
are so enormous that I don't see how any but a few
of the very wealthiest people can afford to die.
There are some ten or fifteen Americans now con-
nected with the Gottingen University, most of them
studying chemistry under the celebrated Wohler.
Not having much taste for the natural sciences, and
especially considering chemistry as an unpleasantly
smelling branch of study, I have confined my re-
searches in that direction to attendance upon a sin-
gle lecture of Prof. Wohler. He is a small, thin,
scholarly-looking man, with prominent features,
sharp eyes, and a feeble voice, who lectured in a quiet,
familiar way, without any ceremony, talking in all
directions, sometimes towards the heavens, some-
times against the blackboard facing the class, so
that they had to catch the w T ords as they rebound-
ed, very frequently into the neck of a jar or bottle,
and sometimes pouring a sentence or two into a
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 89
drawer he chanced to open, into the coal hole or
up the chimney ; so that on the whole, I did not un-
derstand it very clearly, that part which was to be
heard, that is, that part which was to be seen and
smelled, (as the subject happened to be the various
compounds of sulphur,) was very easy of comprehen-
sion, a great deal clearer in fact than the atmosphere
of the lecture room. The professor is in delicate
health, looks much worn, and very likely will not
give many more courses of lectures. He is rather
proud of his American students, and pays them a
little extra attention. They are a fine set of young
fellows who have made my stay here very agreeable,
and to whom I owe many thanks. I trust each one
of them will rise to the head of his profession when
he returns to his country.
Of the German students, I have seen very little.
They are a rather fine looking body of youngsters, I
thought, as they passed in procession at the funeral
of the late Professor Fuchs, and study probably as
hard as the same class of persons in other countries,
certainly infinitely better than American boys would
if left to themselves without any daily recitations to
attend. It seems to me that a German student's
life is the most perfectly independent life that a man
can live, and it is no wonder they have ever been
leaders in the revolutions of Germany.
90 mr. dunn Browne's
The scenery in this vicinity is the most like that
of New England of any which I have yet found, and
the weather also is real New England weather, cold,
sharp, and bracing. We have had about a week's
sleighing, and amusing enough is it to see the way
they have here of posting a man on a little project-
ing seat behind the sleigh, for nothing else but to
crack the whip. He is not the driver at all, but has
an immense supernumerary whip which goes off con-
tinually with a report like a pistol. Now take a
dozen two-horse sleighs with such an accompani-
ment behind, and the horses covered with great bells
and going at full speed, and you can get a little idea
of a grand student sleigh ride in Gottingen.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 91
CHAPTER XXII.
CHRISTMAS AT THE "KRONE."
To-night is Christmas eve, and all the Americans
are invited to spend it with Herr Bettmann, mine
host at the " Krone," (name ever dear to the Ameri-
cans who have visited Gottingen,) where is to be a
Christmas tree and a general jollification. We are
to draw tickets in a lottery of knick-knacks and little
trinkets. We are to see the annual presents which
good Father Bettmann bestows upon his children
and domestics, and the little tokens which they hang
on the " Tree " for him and for each other. We are
to hear beautiful music and make ourselves agreea-
ble to the Herr's pretty daughters in the best German
we can muster, as well as listen to the Herr's gra-
cious speech in English in honor of his American
guests, and such English ! I fear me much our ut-
most stretch of politeness will not enable us to un-
derstand it very perfectly. We are to have a bit of
a supper and see the color of our Host's best wine,
92 mr. dunn browne's
and find out perhaps whether the real juice of the
grape, without any drugs or dye-stufTs in it, is a
proper article to taste or not. We are, in short, to
get a little glimpse of a German family Christmas
gathering, to have a quiet pleasant time to-night ;
and then to-morrow your humble servant leaves for
Vienna, Trieste, Alexandria, and the Pyramids, hop-
ing to return by way of Palestine and Greece.
What do you think of that for a bold enterprise for
an individual with less than two hundred and fifty
dollars in his pocket? I think the expedition of Na-
poleon into those same regions wasn't a circum-
stance in comparison. I haven't the slightest idea
how much it will cost to get from anywhere to any-
where, nor how many camels and Bedouins it will
be necessary to buy, but I have already travelled so
far with one two hundred dollars, that I consider it
a sinful distrust of Providence to doubt my ability
to get considerably further with another ; and then
as for coming back, why, whatever goes up must
come down, whatever goes east must naturally come
west again, along with the sun, moon, and the star
of empire, and the general tendency of things, all
which is in that direction.
I have studied German in the last month just
enough to forget my French, and now talk a jar-
EXPERIENCES IN EOREIGN PARTS. 93
gon hashed up from the odds and ends of three
different languages. When to my present attain-
ments are added a smattering of Arabic, Turkish,
Syriac, modern Greek, and Italian, I shall not ex-
pect to be understood at all, unless perchance I
should visit the site of the ancient Tower of Babel.
I have greatly enjoyed studying German. My
teachers have been two bright boys of seventeen
who are learning English, and the way we have mu-
tually slaughtered the two poor languages, has been
amusing enough. They couldn't pronounce my
"th" and I couldn't pronounce their "ch." I have
stumbled over their " g's," and they have tripped
against our " w's," and we have corrected each other's
mistakes, read, talked, and disputed with one another,
and been of the greatest mutual advantage. It is
the very best way of acquiring a language in my
opinion, besides being the cheapest, as you pay the
teacher in his own coin. The German, although
much harder to learn, is much easier to hear than the
French, but both are six times as difficult to learn
as the English, because they insist on attaching an
arbitrary gender to all inanimate objects instead of
leaving them neuter as God made them, and as the
English language wisely allows them to remain.
What reason is there, for instance, why "spoon"
94 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
should be masculine and "fork" feminine? And
yet to talk German you must remember it, reason
or no reason. I will not enter just now, however,
into a philological dissertation. May something
happen before I write again.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 95
CHAPTER XXIII.
STARTS FOR THE ORIENT.
There is no country life in Germany, as in our
own beautiful New England. Everybody lives
crowded together in cities and city-like villages.
You will travel for miles through a beautiful region,
over hills and dales, where you expect every mo-
ment to see the pretty country residences and farm-
houses and cottages, and find not a habitation till
you come down into a little dirty low village, with
the houses joining one another like a city, and the
gutters in the middle of the narrow, roughly-paved
streets, and the dogs, pigs, and still dirtier women
and children occupying the gutters, streets, and
houses all in common, promiscuously grunting,
squealing, jabbering, crying, and barking in villa-
nous Low German. I have never seen any thing
more disgusting than three or four of these filthy
hamlets, which we passed through in getting from
Gottingen to Cassel by post.
96 me. dunn Browne's
The German post-wagon or mail-coach is a huge,
lumbering, inconvenient contrivance, at least four
times as heavy as an American one, carrying two
coachmen and having accommodations for only
four or six passengers, which makes the expense
needlessly great. We were seven hours with four
sets of horses (four each) - in making that distance
of seven or eight German miles, or about thirty
English miles, over a most excellent road, too, but
these stupid people can't be persuaded to make
any change in. the good old ways handed down
from former generations. It is very hard for a
Yankee to have any patience with this kind of
travelling, especially in the winter, but the natives
wrap themselves up in two overcoats and a vast
fur cloak, put their feet into a monstrous fur bag,
lay in a large stock of sausages and other favorite
provisions, a couple of bottles of wine and one of
brandy, bring along a meerschaum, a bundle of
cigars, and a box of matches, shut up all the win-
dows closely, and in this atmosphere of comfort
and smoke care not for the length of the journey.
Cassel is no doubt a delightful city in summer,
with its mountain and beautiful parks, but in winter
has nothing of especial interest except a fine statue
of that one of its sovereigns who sold his subjects to
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 97
England for the American war, and an immense un-
finished palace, which was built with the money
thus obtained. Some five millions of dollars were
expended in raising the walls about ten feet high,
and then the work was abandoned, and remains a
monument of princely folly. So perish all the treas-
ures thus acquired ! The present ruler is a very in-
ferior-looking personage who has a rather pretty wife,
and rides in a carriage drawn by the two finest
black horses I have seen.
The next place of interest on the route to Dresden
is the castle of Wartburg, where Luther was im-
prisoned in the house of his friends. It crowns the
summit of a mountain hard by the little town of
Eisenach, and commands a most magnificent pros-
pect in all directions. The interior of the castle
has nothing remarkable in its appearance, and the
armor and other curiosities there preserved, hardly
pay for the trouble of seeing, so the whole interest
of the place centres in the Luther's chamber. I of
course inscribed my name amidst the ten thousand
that are written under and around the ink-spot on
the wall that marks the place where the Devil had
such a narrow escape from becoming a shade blacker
than his natural color. The spot remains quite dis-
tinct and fresh, and has, I have no doubt, a new ink-
7
98 mr. dunn browne's
bottle thrown at it every year for preservation. The
room is not in the castle itself, but in an adjoining
building now used as a beer saloon, and infested by
all the roisterers of the neighborhood ; at least on
the day I visited it, there were collected at least a
hundred, drinking and smoking and singing at a rate
which would have seriously disturbed the great re-
former's meditations if he were still a resident of
his " Patmos." I had barely time to examine the
relics and furniture of the apartment, and sit a few
moments on the whale's vertebra, which was used
by Luther as a footstool, take another last glimpse
at the grand and varied scenery, and slip down the
icy mountain in time for the train to Erfurt, where I
have just arrived, at nine o'clock Wednesday evening,
December 26, 1855.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 99
CHAPTER XXIV.
ERFURT TO DRESDEN.
Made an exploration of this fortified Prussian
city from nine to eleven, P. M., wandering about
alone, as usual, gathering information from all the
people I fell in with, meeting with a variety of little
amusing adventures, and getting a magnificent
moonlight view of the odd old two-storied cathedral,
which is a rather stupid building by daylight I am
told, but was perfectly enchanting and poetical by
Luna's gentle beams. Forgot the name of my
hotel, and lost my points of compass a little in
wandering around and under and over the cathedral,
so that I began to think it would be necessary to
seek other quarters for the night, but rambling along
with a young soldier who was just off duty as sen-
tinel, and was much interested in talking about
America, we came to a house which looked a little
natural, and going in found it was all right, so the
100 mr. dunn Browne's
young sentinel bade me a very affectionate farewell,
and I soon retired to the everlasting two feather-
beds, but succeeded at last in making arrangements
with the chambermaid for the removal of the upper
one. She imparted to me several items of interest-
ing information, one of which was, that there are
no other beds in Germany than these little narrow
ones, and so husband and wife have two ranged side
by side, and she evidently considered the American
custom rather improper.
Early in the morning after effecting an entrance
almost by violence into the old monastery, where
Luther first found the Bible, (which building is now
occupied as an orphan asylum,) I spent a few mo-
ments in his little cell, which contains most of his
furniture and even his venerable inkstand, (not the
same one probably which was used as a projectile at
Wartburg,) wherein to I also dipped my pen, and
without breaking off from the train of reflections
inspired by such a visit, succeeded in getting on to
the train for Leipsic, having enjoyed my little hur-
ried moonlight glimpse of Erfurt as well perhaps as
if time had permitted a week's visit. Stopped a
half hour at the dull old university town of Halle,
and spent the afternoon in busy, bustling Leipsic;
busy at least now, in the time of the great Christ-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 101
mas fair ; the streets crowded with booths and
thronged with buyers and sellers from all Germany,
and the rest of the world too, if one were to judge
by the variety of costumes presented to the eye.
The most curious was that of the peasant girls, clad
in long black stockings with red garters at the knee,
a coarse blue or green petticoat reaching down to
the same point, so close as hardly to allow any
movement of the limbs, and a loose tunic of some
gay color fastened with a knotted girdle at the waist..
Not wishing to be a mere idle spectator of the-
busy scene, and noticing that leather seemed to be
the leading article in the market, your humble ser-
vant proceeded to examine a whole street full of sole
leather, assisted by the anxious sellers of the same,,
setting down a variety of prices and qualities on a
bit of paper, with a view to very extensive pur-
chases, but before bringing any negotiation actually
to a crisis, became weary of business and tired of
the smell of leather, so ceasing the scrutiny of a
merchant and assuming the more careless air of a
mere observer, passed through the city in two or
three directions, walked around the Boulevards,,
(which are very fine, planted with noble trees) ;.
reconnoitred the castle of Pleissenburg with an in-
tensely military look; conversed a few minutes in*
102 me. dunn Browne's
reference to its strength with a very erect officer with
mustachios actually at least five inches in length ;
took a glass of wine with the same fiercely polite
individual in the famous " Auerbach's cellar," where
Goethe has laid one of the most striking scenes of
his " Faust," (every one will recollect the German
students' drinking scene, where Mephistophiles draws
all sorts of liquors out of a hole in the table,)
and hurried away to Dresden, the splendid capital
of rich Saxony; at which place we -arrived too late
for my usual evening exploration of the city, and
T could only contrive one little adventure by losing
my way to the hotel to which I had been recom-
mended, and accepting the guidance of a little curly-
headed boy, who took me very naturally to an inn
kept by his own father, which although perhaps
not remarkably elegant in its accommodations, has
at least the merit of being cheap enough, (five
groschen, or twelve and a half cents, for lodgings).
The kind old lady, my hostess, has a son in America,
(Rio Janeiro to be sure, but she, good old soul,
doesn't know but that Brazil and Massachusetts
are adjoining states or different names for the same,)
and so fixes up for my meals all sorts of German
luxuries and delicacies, (I have tasted five different
kinds of sausages yesterday and to-day).
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 103
CHAPTER XXV.
DRESDEN, THE SPLENDID.
I have seen Raphael's famous " Madonna di San
Sisto," and, unlike most famous and celebrated things,
it surpasses all one's expectations. The face of the
Virgin is the most lovely, pure, and holy countenance
I ever gazed upon, or ever dreamed of, or ever pic-
tured to my fancy. It is a perfect ideal of female
beauty and heavenly virtue. And it is praise enough
to say of the other figures of the picture, that they
are worthy of a place beside that loveliest creation of
earthly artist. The sweetness and innocence of the
Divine Child, and in the lower part of the painting
the noble features of the pious old man (San Sisto)
in contrast with the youthful countenance of Santa
Barbara, both upturned in rapt adoration, as also the
two lovely cherubs who look admiringly up from be-
neath, are all in harmony, and form one simple, uni-
ted whole, which produces an effect all gentle and
soothing, elevating, devotional. Even the little,
104 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
chubby-faced, blue angels which form the sky in the*
background, and which are an intolerable nuisance
in most pictures of the kind, are so faintly portrayed
and the coloring is so admirable, that they add to,
rather than detract from, the general effect. After
strolling through the whole Dresden gallery, I sat
half an hour in communion with this glorious paint-
ing, (which deservedly has a whole apartment to
itself,) and again just before leaving for Prague, went
in to take a farewell look; and it was like parting
with a dear friend whose memory will ever abide with
me, sweet and precious while I live, and such faces
hope I to see in Heaven when I die.
There are plenty more fine paintings in this gal-
lery, but the most noted one, " La Notte " of Correg-
gio, does n't at all suit the taste of the writer hereof,
quite the contrary ; in fact it is decidedly ugly.
Every thing about it appears strained and unnatural,
full of affectation and striving after effect. It may,
no doubt, be decidedly original, but many original
things besides original sin are not beautiful. There
is a beautiful " Mary Magdalen " by Correggio
though, that one does n't need to be an artist to
admire. Here are also Guido's " Christ crowned
with thorns," of which everybody has seen a copy,
and the celebrated " Tribute money " of Titian, and
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 105
several fine modern paintings, one of which espe-
cially, I greatly admired, representing Napoleon in his
imperial robes, by Gerard. On the whole, the Dres-
den gallery is an exceedingly satisfactory one to visit,
admirably arranged in a noble new building, and not
huge and endless like the Louvre to weary one by
its vastness.
The city of Dresden, too, is worthy of its reputa-
tion, adorned with magnificent buildings, having an
unrivalled terrace along the bank of the Elbe, two
costly stone bridges, any number of palaces and col-
lections of antiquities and the fine arts, beautiful
parks, one of the finest theatres in the world, and two
remarkable churches, one of which, the Frauenkirche,
or church of the women, (why so called, I haven't
any idea ; to be sure, only women go there usually,
but that is true also of all the German churches,)
deserves a whole letter of description to itself. It is
of wonderful solidity, and has a lofty dome. The
central portion of the edifice is a perfect circle, in
whose circumference are eight massive pillars, which
divide the outer portion into as many separate com-
partments, each of which — save one for the altar —
has five stories of galleries, and all have separate
entrances and winding stone staircases built in the
wall ; and then these galleries have such complicated
106 mr. dunn Browne's
internal arrangements, such varieties of seats and
pews and boxes closed up like rooms with win-
dows in front, such unexpected nooks and corners
and hiding-places, that I felt it quite a mercy to get
out of the labyrinth in safety. It is possible to see
and hear the preacher only in a few of the most prom-
inent parts of the building, which is more of a thea-
tre than a church, and more of a beehive than a the-
atre, but not much like any thing in the world save
itself, and needs to be seen to be appreciated.
Dresden is the first place where women have been
in attendance to carry baggage from the station to
the hotel. Here they do every thing. I saw three
dogs and two women drawing a load of bricks not
an hour ago, and a woman with an enormous basket
of wood on her back leading a donkey with just
about the same quantity on his back in panniers.
Ah, in no country in the world are the women held
in such consideration as in America, and no other
country either has such women to care for. Thank
God I am the son and the brother, and would that
I could add also the husband, of an American
woman. With which outburst of patriotic gallantry
I think I may safely close this chapter.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 107
CHAPTER XXVI.
PRAGUE, THE HOMELY.
Through Saxon Switzerland, along the banks of
the Elbe to Bodenbach, the Austrian frontier, is a
most romantic country, a virgin earth that has never
been defiled by the plough, an uncivilized region that
has defied the weapons of man and retained its prim-
itive independence. Rough cliffs rise up abruptly
from the river, some one hundred, some three hun-
dred, and some a thousand feet, full of chasms and
abysses, dark, grim, and frowning, yet many of them
wearing a glittering crown of snow, and covered
down their sides with a green mantle of firs, wher-
ever a tree or a bush can catch hold, or be tied on, or
driven in. Here you see how an old moss-covered
house has climbed up in its youth to a dizzy height,
and fearing to descend, has remained seated on a pro-
jecting ledge, and grown old and shaky and venerable;
there you see a stone bridge by some magic thrown
across a frightful ravine hundreds of feet in depth,
108 mr. dunn browne's
and yonder a little village squeezed into a crevice or
fastened with mortar on to the steep mountain-side.
Believe me, the winter is the time to travel through
a wild, mountainous region. I have lost much I fear
by deferring my visit to Switzerland till the approach-
ing summer. The white snow, the green forests and
the black cliffs, uniting in a thousand combinations,
form such striking pictures, changing continually
before our eyes, (an occasional tunnel answering for
a curtain during the shifting of the scenes,) and pre-
sent such a succession of glorious landscapes, that I
feel exceedingly thankful that I am not an artist, lest
I too should be tempted to put on canvas some of
those caricatures of the face of nature which I have
seen shamelessly paraded in the galleries, and
admired and bepraised by those who pass with per-
fect indifference through the most magnificent natu-
ral scenery. Pictures of men and women and horses
and animals and battles are all well enough in their
way, but show me the man who can paint a tree as
it ought to be painted not to be a mockery of that
beautiful work of God, a single tree, or even but one
branch, and it will be what I have not yet seen in
any collection of landscapes.
At the delightful little town of Bodenbach, with
its great castle, graceful suspension bridge, its two
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 109
railway tunnels in solid rock, and above all, its curi-
ous houses with cunning little curved windows pre-
cisely like eyes peeping out of the roof, first appears
the gray Austrian uniform, and thenceforward polite
police, officers hover ever about us and examine our
passports just about as often as the conductor does
our tickets. Everybody and every thing assumes a
kind of subdued, governed aspect ; even nature her-
self seems here at last to surrender to the arbitrary
power of man. The proud craggy mountains hum-
ble themselves into docile submissive hills, and allow
their sleek sides to be curried into fertility by the har-
row and the plough ; the free mo n arch s of the forest
cower down into the tamest of fruit-trees ; all nature
fairly ''flats out" into a big orchard, and presents
such an aspect of cowardly servility that it is quite
a comfort that night approaches to throw a veil of
darkness over the degenerate scene. . . . Three
hours refreshing sleep by the side of a plump
Austrian dame, (don't be shocked, my dear friends,
remember it was in a railway car,) and we are in
Prague, another of those dear old towns, like Rouen
and Cologne, which are not handsome nor well built,
but are more interesting than twenty fine cities, if one
will but ramble about in its nooks and corners to
search out its curious sights.
110 mr. dunn browne's
After a hasty supper I sailed forth for a stroll,
and it was like plunging into a bath of darkness.
The lights are few and far between, and the whole
city is full of tunnels and arches. You cannot get
from one street into another, or on to a bridge or
into a house even without creeping under a low
arched passage, most curious arc/iitecture every-
where I assure you. Didn't see very much in
such a state of things, but talked an immense
quantity of rather indifferent German with various
victims who fell into my society on the way. One
young musician wished to know what his prospects
would be in America, and took out his flute to show
me in the middle of a long bridge where it was so
dark I could^not tell it from a pistol. Considering
that a not very sharp action, I advised him not to
go to America, saying that the Yankees were not
very fond of any music but that of the hard dollars
ringing on the counter. Conversed with several
soldiers also, who were greatly shocked to hear of
the smallness of our army in the United States, and
wondered how order could be preserved, property
protected, etc. But I will not bore you with a de-
tail of all the little adventures of an evening in
Prague, which would not probably be so amusing
told in the day as they were acted in the dark among
EXPERIENCES IN EOREIGN PARTS. Ill
total strangers, speaking a foreign language. Suffice
it to inform you of the safe arrival, before eleven
o'clock, at his hotel, without a guide, of your humble
traveller and servant.
112 mr. dunn Browne's
CHAPTER XXVII.
A DOOR OPENS, AND SHUTS AGAIN.
First I wish you a happy New- Year just as the
clock has finished striking twelve, Tuesday morn-
ing, January 1, 1856, in the coffee-room of a rail-
way station at Briinn, some sixty miles or so from
Vienna, where we stop two or three hours in the
middle of the night and improve the time in eat-
ing beefsteaks and drinking coffee, to which delight-
ful employment I now turn, devoting the first hour
of the new year to recruiting the system from the
fatigues of the last ten hours of the old year
There are about a dozen soldiers and as many fur-
coated travellers lounging about the room, eating,
smoking, and drinking beer, several pleasant ladies
with immense muffs, several poor women with big
bundles, and the usual number of railway officials.
They are all exceedingly curious in regard to the
" Americaner," ask me innumerable questions, re-
peat my answers to one another and talk about me
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 113
as freely as if I could n't understand a word they
say, and now that I unscrew my little inkstand and
sit down to write, they gaze at me with great atten-
tion as if I were a sort of learned pig, and it was
quite a treat to see that I knew how to use a pen.
It is a little uncomfortable for so modest an individ-
ual as myself to be the subject of such extreme
curiosity, but travellers soon get over the weakness
of blushing. A grave old gentleman in gray hair
and gray fur coat has just been warning me very
impressively not to gamble when I get to Vienna,,
and I have at last satisfied him, I think, that my
weakness doesn't lie in that particular direction. A
little black-eyed Bohemian lass of a dozen years,
asked me a few minutes ago if my mother knew
where I was spending my New- Year's night. Do
you, my dear mother? Then is maternal clairvoyr
ance most clear-sighted of all.
But I enjoyed good, motherly old Prague so well
that I must even say a few things more about her...
There are lots of churches within her bounds, built
with no sort of taste, according to no rules of ar-
chitecture, and within all gilt and tinsel, yet rather-
interesting after all. One has two queer towers with*
funny little towerets bursting out on all sides o£"
them like top-onions.
8
114 mr. dunn browne's
The fortifications are very strong, especially a sort
of castle on a high hill in one corner. In my stroll
this morning I walked up, as far as possible, till at
last I came to an immense iron gate reaching quite
across the street, and was turning to go away when lo,
the massive folds unlocked with a tremendous crash,
and swung majestically open, while two tall mus-
tachioed sentinels, in steel breast plates and gray pan-
taloons, armed with bayoneted muskets and swords
drawn, appeared and, touching their helmets, begged
to know what I wanted. Summoning up my polit-
est German, I made the best explanation possible,
and my interrogators, finding that no distinguished
general or sovereign was seeking admittance, but
only one of the sovereign Yankees taking a morning
airing, retired with another grim salute, while the
formidable iron jaws shut again with a snap as it
were of disappointment at not catching me.
This rehearsal of "much ado about nothing"
being well over, your wanderer next found himself
stumbling along a sort of out of door market, over
all sorts of odds and ends, old iron, tin ware, wooden
ware, earthen ware, old clothes, rags, straps, and
buckles, as if all the garrets in the world were emp-
tied there and their contents assorted and arranged
for sale, under the superintendence of sharp women,
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 115
seated on high stools, all wrapped in shawls and knit-
ting with big wooden needles as if for dear life, with
the thermometer all the while nearly down to zero.
And the way they accosted me with " My pretty gen-
tleman," " My darling prince, what will you buy ? "
" Bless your handsome face, are you in want of a
tea-kettle to day ? " etc, was certainly a caution to
a timid gentleman, and a lesson in German affec-
tionate epithets that it would take a dictionary some
time to teach you. I swallowed more sugar-coated
German in a half hour than I could digest in a
week.
116 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XXVIII.
VIENNA, THE MAGNIFICENT.
Vienna, beautiful, gay, lively, rich, aristocratic
Vienna : the streets thronged with liveried carriages
and magnificent horses driven at a furious rate, to
the imminent peril of all foot-passengers: a gor-
geously dressed, fur-mantled porter with a long gilt
wand, standing proudly at each nobleman's door:
warlike Vienna, with armed soldiers confronting
you at every turn, and every great building a casern
(barracks) which isn't a palace ; pious Vienna,
where people go to church at all hours of the day,
men, women, and children: suspicious Vienna, where
every thing you say and do is watched, and your let-
ters broken open, (much good may this do them,)
where you cannot change your hotel without going
to the police for permission : paper-money Vienna,
where you pay for a cup of coffee with two or three
bank-notes of eight cents each, and don't see a bit of
specie (save copper) once a week : cold, frosty Vi-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 117
enna, where you buy frozen apples at the markets,
and the manners of the people are as cold as their
noses exposed to the icy air of the Danube : Vienna,
(a great many more adjectives might be applied but
time fails,) is a truly imperial city, full of imposing
buildings and interesting places to visit, and yet
somehow I like it less than any great city I have vis-
ited. There isn't anything homely, good-natured,
and jolly here, but all is proud, grand, ceremonious,
stiff, and splendid. Have visited one or two picture-
galleries, twenty or thirty churches, a great many
cabinets of natural history, a few palaces, and, most
interesting of all, the imperial stables, where six hun-
dred noble steeds are lodged most royally and fare
sumptuously every day, dutifully attended by three
hundred two-legged servants. The apartments of
their Equine Highnesses are at once splendid and
comfortable, free from the scent of the stable and
clean as a lady's parlor. Their blankets are em-
broidered with the imperial crest, their harnesses,
saddles, and all their equipments, are of the most
costly kind, and generally in excellent taste. In one
large hall are some two hundred carriages, of which
the cheapest cost two or three thousand dollars, and
the coronation carriage, adorned with paintings by
Rubens, and covered with diamonds and gold,
118 ME. DUNN BKOWNE'S
wheels and all, cost about two hundred and fifty-
thousand dollars. Another hall, filled with state
saddles and trappings of various descriptions, is still
more magnificent. But the animals themselves, un-
like most occupants of palaces, far outshine all their
exterior adornments. The bright, fiery, intelligent
eye, the proudly arching neck, (the horse is the only
animal whom pride really becomes,) the form of per-
fect symmetry, the delicate but powerful limbs, the
grace of every movement, the gentleness and cour-
tesy with which they receive every little attention
bestowed upon them, the high-bred nobleness and
dignity of their whole deportment, filled me with ad-
miration. I would rather have my choice from those
six hundred horses, than the imperial crown of their
owner. The carriage horses are all white, but those
for riding are of all colors, some magnificently black.
The imperial collections of natural history are not
remarkable, except the collections of birds and espe-
cially the mineralogical cabinet, which is gorgeous
almost beyond description. There are about one thou-
sand diamonds, some rough, and some cut and set in
rings, a great bouquet a foot high, all glittering with
jewels, and bees, bugs and butterflies made of pre-
cious stones, settling on the flowers of like material.
There are huge goblets cut from crystal ; necklaces,
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 119
cups, boxes, and all kinds of trinkets, of onyx, agates,
opals, and emeralds; a glorious rock crystal from Mad-
agascar, three feet long, weighing one hundred and
fifty pounds, of almost perfect clearness and purity;
a splendid collection of petrified woods ; great quan-
tities of gold and silver and platina, some lumps of
eight, ten, twenty, and even sixty pounds weight ; all
sorts of ores, metals, meteorites, fossils, etc., etc.
I won't bore you with a description of the pictures
I have seen, although there are some exceedingly
good ones in the Lichtenstein palace, nor of the
churches except to say that they are very numerous
and costly and in execrably bad taste, all crowded
with miserable pictures and images, relics and all
manner of abominations that can unite to spoil
the simplicity that ought to characterize the house
of God. Even St. Stephen's, which has, I think,
the finest tower I have seen, of exquisite propor-
tions and most curious carving, and whose inte-
rior is very striking and impressive, has a great re-
dundancy of ornament, and is disfigured by tinsel
and gilding. But it is a delightful place to visit in
the evening for the music, to wander about in the
dark aisles and corners of the church, and hear the
solemn tones of the organ reverberating amidst the
columns and arches. In the Italian church is a eel-
120 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
ebrated copy in Mosaic, of immense size, of " The
Last Supper," of Leonardo da Vinci, which was
carried by Napoleon to Paris from a church in Italy,
retaken by the allies in 1815, and finally brought to
Vienna; a splendid work of art, for the sight of
which, as well as of several other interesting things,
I am indebted to the kindness of an art-loving tailor
whom I met in the streets, and who, seeing I was a
stranger, left his business and spent the afternoon in
visiting places of interest about the city with me.
May he be appointed tailor to His Royal Imperial
Catholic Apostolical Highness (that is the right title,
I believe,) Francis Joseph, and make his fortune.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 121
CHAPTER XXIX.
TRIESTE AND VENICE, PROSE AND POETRY.
From Vienna to Trieste is a long, hard, miserable
journey, about eighty miles of it by post, through a
desolate chaos of a country, apparently made up of
the odds and ends that were left at the creation,
pitched in together in one grand jumble of rocks,
mountains, chasms, and precipices. The inhabitants
speak German, ever pronouncing it rougher and
harder, however, this side Vienna, so that at last 1
was obliged to remain silent half a day, because I
can only speak broken German, and this was so hard
it wouldn't break. Towards Trieste the people in
the miserable villages we passed through don't seem
to speak any thing in particular, but communicate
with each other mostly by signs, assisted a little by
a Sclavonic dialect composed of equal parts of Rus-
sian, German, and Italian, with a slight sprinkling of
very bad Latin. From this barren desert of a coun-
try we emerged at last on the verge of some tremen-
122 mr. dunn browne's
dous cliffs where we had a fine view of — the thick
fog which covered the Adriatic, and then zigzagged
down the mountain some fifteen hundred feet into
the dirty, bustling town of Triest^, which is squeezed
in between the sea and the cliffs, and has suffered
considerably in the process. There being absolutely
nothing to see here, proceeded to see when I could
get out of it by calling at the office of the Lloyd
steamship company.
Finding there were three days to spare before
the steamer for Egypt left, I started at once for Ven-
ice and have spent that little morsel of time in the
most poetical of cities ; have made the tour of the
grand canal in a gondola, (and been shockingly
cheated by a gondolier,) have stood on the Rialto and
the Bridge of Sighs, explored the dungeons of the
palace of the Doges, have walked in the most lovely of
all places, the Place St. Mark, by daylight, by gas-
light, and by moonlight ; and have seen as much of
the romantic city of Lagunes as could well be seen
in the time I believe, at least I was as tired when I
came back on board the steamer for Trieste as I ever
was after a week's hard labor in my father's hay-field.
The most striking thing about the city is of
course the canals and the utter absence of horses
and vehicles in the streets, which are usually only
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 123
little alleys about three feet wide, with occasion-
ally a bit of a square in front of a church. The
churches are very magnificent and full of the monu-
ments of distinguished Doges and other remarkable
individuals of whom I never heard. The church of
St. Mark is by far the most interesting of them all,
covered with mosaic outside and in, above and below.
The floor is very curious, with all manner of quaint
figures and of all possible colors, and sunk in many
places so that it presents a succession of hill and
dale to your footsteps. The walls have the quaint-
est mosaic pictures and queer inscriptions and
strange carved figures and old gilding, and there are
so many domes, and every thing is so totally different
from any other church that was ever built, and so
rich in a sort of old-fashioned, faded way, and has
such an Oriental, Arabian Nights kind of look, that
you can't really believe in it even while you are
standing therein. So it is with all Venice. I can
hardly make up my mind whether it is a dream or a
waking reality ; whether I have really seen the
winged lion of St. Mark and the four celebrated
bronze horses, and climbed the high bell tower for
a morning look at the Queen of the Seas, or it is
only a vision ; if the latter, then somebody has
stolen ten or a dozen dollars out of my meagre and
124 mr. dunn Browne's
fast collapsing purse, that is all. And I find in my
memorandum-book also a veritable cobweb which I
have a pretty distinct recollection of gathering in the
deepest under-water dungeon of the Ducal Palace.
Of the paintings of Venice, I only saw one gal-
lery, and there is one picture worth all the rest a
hundred times told, Titian's " Assumption," almost
equal to Raphael's Madonna at Dresden, and with
more character and expression in the countenance,
I think, than in the sweet, girlish face of Murillo's
" Assumption " in the Louvre at Paris.
And now at last I am actually on board the
steamer bound for Alexandria, and have glided past
many beautiful mountainous islands in the Adriatic
and Mediterranean, and have stopped a few hours at
Corfu, green, beautiful, strong, fortified Corfu, and
have eaten freshly plucked oranges, and to-morrow
will actually be in Egypt, and see Pompey's Pillar,
and Cleopatra's Needle ; unless another storm burst
upon us, for we have had a storm ; a dreadful, wild,
raging storm on a dangerous coast ; a sudden, ter-
rific white squall that nearly carried us into eternity
at the first crash ; a hard, persevering, tenacious
storm that has thumped and pounded our strong,
brave old ship for a day and two nights with heavy
leaden blows, and has knocked into a thousand
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 125
pieces and carried away two of our boats and some
of the upper works of the ship ; a storm such as I
have always had a secret longing to see, but am per-
fectly satisfied with once 'beholding ; not a poetical
storm where the waves rolled mountain-high and all
that nonsense, but an actual storm where two strong
winds met and struggled for the mastery, and the
poor ship trembled and groaned between them,
where the waves were not very high but fierce and
dreadfully angry and dashed against us and over us
with earnest, fearful malignity, with " malice pre-
pense ; " but our Father in Heaven hath preserved
us, and in a measure calmed the waves, and we
have every prospect of reaching Alexandria in safety
to-morrow.
126 mr. dunn browne's
CHAPTER XXX.
SUMMIT OF THE CHEOPS PYRAMID.
Rather poetical is n't it, this inditing an epistle,
sitting on the highest stone of the greatest and old-
est pyramid, with the green valley of the Nile before
me and an infinite sea of desert all around ; with the
Sphynx a little speck at my feet, and the mummies
of half a dozen ancient cities in sight, or rather just
sinking out of sight into the remorseless sand that is
drifting upon them ; sitting upon the crumbling old
pyramid, which the jaws of Time himself have found
too tough a morsel to crush, and must be content
with gnawing off crumbs from its surface, and
smoothing its sides down into a sleek mountain
which posterity shall forget to have been the work of
men's hands ; perched on the crown of the ragged,
dilapidated old giant, whose smooth granite coat
has been stripped off his shoulders to adorn the up-
start Cairo, an infant of a thousand years or so on
the other side of the Nile. Rather romantic, writing
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 127
you from the top of the Cheops, amidst a picturesque
group of Bedouins, Englishmen, and Yankees, who
are noisily engaged in all the different occupations
that can possibly be carried on in such circumstan-
ces ; talking poetry, discussing the sites of lost cities,
cracking jokes at the expense of the respectable old
Egyptians who piled up the pyramids, selling
and buying various rather dubiously authenticated
antiquities, paying sundry shillings to see an Arab
go up and down the second pyramid in ten min-
utes, drinking Nile water and champagne, laughing,
lunching, and dealing in relics, a foot of a mummy per-
haps ill one hand and a leg of a turkey in the other.
Rather a case of the pursuit of literature under
difficulties, is n't it, this writing when one's hand is
a little shaky with the fatigue of climbing a couple
of hundred three feet steps without any help, with a
little quill two inches long, paper spread out on a
stone, and a Bedouin boy holding the inkstand, (a
German pocket inkhorn which unscrews in half a
dozen places and is as complicated as a Yankee pa-
tent rat-trap) ; but I promised to date you an epistle
from the pyramids, and my promise is fulfilled, even
though I stop here and partake of the cold fowl
which my companion offers me, leaving the re-
mainder of the sheet to be filled in Cairo
128 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
And so at last one part of my pilgrimage is ended.
I have seen the great monuments of Egypt from
afar and near at hand; have walked around them,
gathered a handful of sand at their feet, climbed to
their summit and crawled into their heart, surveyed
their desolations, felt their grandeur, been disap-
pointed at their shabbiness, sympathized with their
loneliness, picked up stones that have rested against
the bosom of the Sphynx, descended into the old,
broken tombs, and transported myself in a granite
sarcophagus three thousand years up the stream
of time. The emotion of beauty is inspired only at
a distance, that of sublimity only close at hand, but
the feeling of sadness and desolation everywhere in
their vicinity. The desert is their appropriate place ;
the mutilated Sphynx, the ruined causeways, the de-
serted tombs, the broken fragments of marble and
granite, the half obliterated inscriptions, and the de-
caying pyramids themselves, are all in perfect har-
mony, harmoniously mournful; one grand Necropolis,
and worse than that a deserted burial-place, so
gloomy that even its dead inhabitants have aban-
doned it, and the last trumpet itself shall stir into
life no dust in those tenantless tombs.
I was disappointed to find the stone of the pyra-
mids of so poor a quality and the courses so irregular.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 129
Even the hundred feet of facing that remains at the
apex of the second in size is crumbling away, and
has so many crevices that the ascent is by no means
difficult, though the descent in one or two places
where the crevices are four or five feet apart, is
so slippery an operation that some of his friends
watched with a little anxiety Mr. Browne's down-
ward progress, and expected to pick him up in sev-
eral pieces on the plain below.
The accommodations in the interior of the great
pyramid are much more limited than a survey of its
exterior would naturally lead one to imagine, consist-
ing of a very small cellar one hundred and fifty feet
deep, a diminutive drawing-room on the first floor,,
and a .tolerable bedchamber in the second story,
with two or three miserable attics, and the arrange-
ments for ventilation are so poor that a fat English-
man in our company fainted and had to be carried
out. My experience would not lead me to recom-
mend it as a residence for any great length of time,
though I believe the builder intended to take up his>
permanent abode therein.
The greatest nuisance of the visit to Ghizeeh is
the swarm of dirty, half-naked Arabs, who faster^
themselves upon you, and cannot be shaken off, not
even by the payment of money, for they build up their-
9
130 mr. dunn browne's
demands upon you on the model of the pyramids
themselves, first laying down a large sum for a foun-
dation, and then when you have paid that, superad-
ding another not quite so large, and another, and
another, like the different courses of stone, decreas-
ing as they go up, till at last you get out of all
patience, and knock off their apex with the biggest
club you can lay hands on. Be careful to hit them
on the head, however, or you may do them some se-
rious injury. Yours, out of the land of Egypt.
•
EXPERIENCES IN EOREIGN PARTS. 131
CHAPTER XXXI.
INTRODUCES YOU TO SUNDRY INTERESTING PEOPLE.
Would you like to call upon me at my lodgings
in Cairo ? Ah, well, I can easily direct you. After
you come, by a rather complicated route, to the
Italian Bazaar, turn up a narrow lane to the left,
(not the one by the old shoemaker's with a long
pipe in his mouth, but further on at the corner
where the young woman sells oranges sitting on
the ground with a baby in her lap,) then take the
right along a ruined wall and some ragged beggars,
and bear to the left again through a low, arched
gateway, down a street lined with donkey-boys, till
you come to a small door on which a torn theatre-
bill is pasted, which door you enter, pass under the
house, through the stable in the rear, out into another
street about three feet wide, where you will probably
meet a long train of camels laden with stones and
with dripping water-skins, take the second turning
to the left round the decayed mosk painted in red
132 mr. dunn Browne's
and white horizontal stripes, and then, as the way-
becomes now rather difficult to find, you had better
go back to the street of donkey-boys above men-
tioned, and engage one of them, (the little fellow
with one eye and a remarkably wicked-looking
crop-eared donkey knows where " Milord Browne"
lives,) and ride the remaining distance.
We are in a very aristocratic part of the city,
in the vicinity of several legations and consulates,
near several eminent bankers, etc., and like our
quarters very much, both myself and the recently
arrived — Oh, I am afraid I haven't mentioned yet,
the arrival of a party of old college friends, pale-
faced devotees of the Muses, you know, who have
burned down their lamp of existence, in midnight
studies, to about the last flicker, and come out here
to get rilled and trimmed again ; men who have
climbed to the very summit of the Hill of Science,
and are now come down on the other side to rest
a little; who have disentangled themselves from
Greek roots, and the horns of logical dilemmas,
and metaphysical paradoxes, to come out and take
a look at the pyramids and get acquainted with the
sphynx and make a cruise on " the ship of the
desert." Ah, well, it was better than a circus to see
them ride in on donkeys, night before last, at the
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 133
north-western gate of the city, surrounded by a halo
of dusky Arabs bearing their portmanteaus, shawls,
and mackintoshes. You see I was just starting out,
after my custom, to take a little evening air and a
bit of Egyptian sunset, with a couple of pyramids
in it, and was meditating as I walked along, upon
the advisability of setting off alone for Joppa and
Jericho, or of waiting here a little longer, on the
remote possibility that my friends might have health
enough to reach these distant shores and accompany
me on my pilgrimage, when my thoughts were
interrupted by an approaching tumult, and there
quickly appeared, emerging from a cloud of dust and
donkey-drivers, a round, rosy, aldermanic individual,
ambling along on an aged gray donkey, who seemed
to me so much like an enlarged and improved
edition of my young friend " Dick — — ," that he
was seized and greeted under that familiar appella-
tion in less time than I could describe the additional
twenty pounds of him that I had never seen before.
And the rest of that imposing cavalcade, as they
successively came up, were attacked in a similar
manner and robbed — of a good deal of anxiety
which they professed to have felt at not finding me
in Alexandria. Let us see, first there was " George,
the Magnificent" he of tall stature and stately mien,
134 mk. dunn Browne's
with beard and moustache black as jet, sitting in
upright dignity on the smallest of donkey-kind,
obliged to lift up his feet considerably lest his steed
should go out from under him. Next, vigorously
belaboring with an umbrella the most refractory of
asinine species, preceded by a pair of gold spectacles
and a formidable moustache, looking the very personi-
fication of health, came the " Professor" (whose
modesty prevents my designating him any more
particularly,) who a year ago was nothing but an
untied bundle of unstrung nerves, but now can bear
any amount of fatigue, does n't know the meaning
of the word " nerve " except by tracing it out etymo-
logically, and will explore more ruins and catacombs
and such antique trumpery in a day than any person
I know of, unless it be perhaps — well I am a mod-
est individual and will pass on to the next topic,
which is one of no less importance than our " Wil-
liam the Conqueror" who approaches, guiding with
unequalled skill his . prancing steed, in all the glory
of an oriental beard reaching wellnigh to his girdle,
a regular Arab shekh in grace and solemnity of
bearing, distinguished for a certain wild, poetical
enthusiasm of character and an utter contempt and
disregard of every thing of a pecuniary or business
nature, all which therefore devolves upon his intimate
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 135
friend, the practical " Isham" (good old Scripture
name you see,) who rides up next on a very demure
donkey, " Isham, the Blond" as we • usually call him,
on account of a peculiar delicacy of complexion. He
is our main reliance in all matters of business, but
of singular obtuseness in reference to every thing
of a jocular nature, so that his friends delight to
perpetrate puns in his presence, in order to watch the
workings of his countenance as he vainly endeavors
to find out what they are all laughing at. And
here is at last our glorious " Ned" who, if good
looks were a capital offence, could n't disguise him-
self so as to escape hanging six months, unless the
executioners were perhaps women, in which case
they never could find it in their hearts to choke
him, in that way at least. Last of all appears our
Nimrod, our Jehu, our lion-slayer, our horse-tamer,
" W. H. P., the Impetuous" a Curtius, ready for any
gulf you can open before him, (he will leap over it,
not into it though,) a Richard the Third, ready to
give his kingdom for a horse, who can ride any
thing quadrupedal from a kicking donkey like that
he is now cudgelling, up to a wild elephant. He is
otherwise remarkable as an early riser and also for
an intense determination never to be " humbugged."
So now you are introduced to the whole company.
May the acquaintance be a pleasant one.
136 mr. dunn browne's
CHAPTER XXXII.
A VOICE FROM THE TOMBS.
Being unanimously elected dragoman of the
newly-arrived party, I of course, proceeded at once
to arrange an excursion to the pyramids, although I
had already once made the trip. Wishing to make
thorough work and visit every thing of interest in
the vicinity, we determined to take provisions for
two days and sleep in a tomb at Sakkara. Mounted
our donkeys at an early hour, and, taking an extra
one for baggage, accomplished our journey to Ghi-
zeeh with great success, keeping the Bedouins at a
tolerable distance ; pushed on to Sakkara in the
afternoon, taking a half dozen ruined pyramids on
the w T ay. On our arrival at nightfall, inquired of our
guide for some tombs, in order to make our selection
for lodgings, and were told by him in the most posi-
tive manner that there were no tombs at all in that
vicinity, and we must put up for the night in the
Arab village about a mile distant. Disbelieved him,
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN' PARTS. 137
r
of course, which is the only way in which you can
get any good from an Arab guide, and scattered in
all directions in the search, determined not to be
cheated out of the romance of a tomb-hotel. As it
was getting dark and the whole region is full of deep
pits (out of which several millions of ancient Egyp-
tians have recently been dug), this search for a tomb
was quite likely to be successful in a way different
from what we intended, but at last the Professor,
who is a capital guide among pits and snares and
temptations of all sorts, hailed to inform us of his suc-
cess. Dismissed our donkeys and guide, shouldered
the blankets and provisions and before the total
Egyptian darkness was quite upon us, had all
reached the quarters indicated, which were a rocky
cliff all perforated with hewn sepulchres, with hiero-
glyphics over the entrance, representing men mowing
and reaping, and various jars and baskets filled with
bread and fruits, which we very naturally interpreted,
" Good entertainment for man and beast," and ac-
cordingly invited ourselves in and took such apart-
ments as suited our tastes. For our dining-room we
chose a vaulted chamber, curiously .painted and
adorned with bas-reliefs of various agricultural oper-
ations, fishes, fruits, birds, and flowers; for bedcham-
bers, those which had figures of men and women
138 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
combi ng their hair and performing different opera-
tions of the toilet. We were soon visited by some
Bedouins who brought us a jar of water, whereupon
we brought out our chickens, etc., and made a hearty
meal, then explored a quarter of a mile of tombs by
candlelight and retired to rest.
Slept rather comfortably, though before morning
found the tomb somewhat cold, but that I think is a
quality usually ascribed to tombs, and therefore no
more than was to have been expected. The " boys "
amused themselves in the morning by shooting at
the skull of an ancient Egyptian, at three rods dis-
tance, with revolvers, and came near perforating the
skull of a modern Egyptian, who appeared suddenly
round a corner, bringing water for our ' breakfast.
We made a rather successful breakfast and then pro-
ceeded to visit the Serapseum, which is described in
none of the guide books and has only been discov-
ered within two or three years, and which consists of
a series of subterranean galleries hewn out of the
rock containing thirty-four enormous sarcophagi of
red granite, for the reception of the mummied bulls of
the ancient Egyptians. They are on an average
about twelve feet long, six feet wide, and seven feet
high, only one or two of them covered with inscrip-
tions, but all polished externally and internally, and
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 139
each hewn from a single block. The walls are four-
teen inches thick, and the cover or lid to each, from
fourteen to thirty inches thick, one entirely removed
and the others slipped back two or three feet, to allow
the removal of the bull. They are all now empty and
were found in their present condition, or with only
fragments of mummies in them, by the Frenchman
who has superintended the excavations. How these
immense sarcophagi ever came into their present po-
sition, down under the earth in narrow galleries hewn
out of the rock, is a mystery I am unable to solve,
and this whole subterranean bull-cemetery impresses
one with as strange ideas of the old Egyptians as per-
haps the pyramids themselves. And then there are
the sepulchres of the Ibis mummies, where hundreds
of thousands of those sacred birds were carefully pre-
served enbalmed, wrapped in cloths and packed in
earthen jars. The crocodile mummy pits are further
up the Nile, and we did n't see them. But while they
took so much pains to save the carcasses of beasts
and birds and reptiles, the bodies of men, at least the
common people, were tumbled in together, into great
pits a hundred feet deep, multitudes of which have
lately been opened at Sakkara, and the whole earth
is covered with the bones and skulls, which latter are
of wonderful thickness, though tolerably well-shaped.
140 mk. dunn browne's
Wonder if, some thousands of years hence, anybody
will be kicking our skulls about and commenting
upon their thickness !
We next visited the site of Memphis, of whose
ruins nothing now remains except a few broken col-
umns and mutilated statues, and especially one gigan-
tic granite king who lies with his face in the mud,
and if the water rises six inches higher will certainly be
stifled. This colossus, if he ever had any legs, (which
he has not at present,) must have been fifty or sixty
feet high, is very well proportioned, and has a fine
face, wearing a benevolent smile, which to be sure
loses something of its effect in the mud puddle, but
nevertheless shows a spirit not to be ruffled even in
the most adverse circumstances. Having paid our
respects to his majesty and offered him our condo-
lence upon his fallen condition, we resumed our don-
keys and took up our march for Cairo, prepared to
appreciate the advantages of a habitation built for
living men, (even though it must be occupied jointly
with the fleas and musquitoes,) after a night in the
tombs of Sakkara. Ever yours, alike among the liv-
ing and in the abodes of the dead.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 141
)
CHAPTER XXXIII.
CAIRO, THE PICTURESQUE.
The ten plagues of Egypt, or at least of Cairo, at
present are — Donkey-boys, who surround you the
moment you set foot in the street, .and block up your
path till you have cleared the way with a cane :
Dragomen, who beset you in every passage of your
hotel, and* throng into your room to bore you with
big pocketbooks full of recommendations, and who
are ready to take you up the Nile, over the desert to
Jerusalem, Ethiopia, or China, at a pound sterling a
day and find you in provisions : Musquitoes, who
defy nets and curtains and puncture you at all hours
of the day and night: Fleas, in countless numbers
and of unmitigated ferocity, who never leave you an
instant's peace, who crawl up your pantaloons and
down your neck, and take delight in biting you in
aggravating places where you can't possibly get at
them : Cocks, who crow at all hours of the night in
the shrillest of tones : wild, masterless, wolfy Dogs,
142 mr. dunn browne's
who bark always and bite whenever they dare: Flies,
which completely cover face and eyes of the little
Arab babies, and carry ophthalmia from one to
another: Dust, which double and triple windows
cannot keep out of your bedroom, and no amount of
green veils or spectacles keep out of your eyes :
Darkness, unrelieved by the glimmer of a single
street lamp, and which of necessity confines you to
your lodgings after six o'clock in the evening : and
" Backsheesh," which rings in your ears and empties
your pockets, wherever you go and wherever you stay,
when you rise up and when you sit down, when you
go out and when you come in, a perpetual, universal,
unavoidable nuisance. Barring these and a few
other little inconveniences that I haven't time to men-
tion, Cairo is a truly delightful residence. The city
is much larger than I expected to find it ; seems of
ample size for half a million inhabitants, though
many of its buildings are in a ruinous state, and 1
think the usual estimate of population is from two
to three hundred thousand. Two or three of the
streets are wide enough for a narrow carriage to pass
through, but the usual width will just allow me and
a donkey (or two donkeys as the case may be,) to
meet without interference. The houses project as in
German cities, and the upper windows are within
EXPERIENCES IN EOREIGN PAETS. 143
" short kissing distance," as one of the younger mem-
bers of our party, (who is familiarly addressed by his
friends as " Dick,") remarked to me yesterday, and I
consider him good authority in this instance, for I
saw a pair of black eyes peeping through the lat-
tice opposite his room the other day. Speaking of
lattices, they are one of the most striking and pecul-
iar features of an Egyptian house, most fancifully
carved and of every variety of pattern.
We prosecute our researches through the crooked
bazaars and streets of the city in the asinine method,
that is, mounted on donkeys, which is a pleasant
enough kind of proceeding when the beast does n't
stumble and pitch you over his head into a mud pud-
dle. The mosks of Cairo are nearly all old, unre-
paired, and falling to pieces, though the so called
" New Mosk," built by Mohammed Ali in the cita-
del, is very splendid, entirely lined with beautiful
alabaster, with an admirable dome and painted win-
dows and a fine court paved with marble. The
Mosk Hassan, also, which was built from the out-
side coating of the pyramids, is of vast size, and has
four magnificent arches of fifty or sixty feet span ;
but in general the mosks are interesting rather as
ruins of past glory than as existing living buildings.
The view from the citadel (on a lofty eminence at
144 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
the back of the city,) is the most striking landscape
I have seen. The two mountainous, treeless deserts
parted asunder by the green valley of the Nile ; the
groops of pyramids in the distance, the ruins of
mosks, palaces, and tombs all around the city ; the
groves oT palms and acacias to the west and north,
through which here and there gleam the white walls
of a country residence ; and the city itself, with its
hundreds of graceful minarets, its palaces and gar-
dens, narrow streets, flat roofs, and ornamented
domes, its old battlemented wall with picturesque
towers, its winding canal whose course is marked
with verdure and occasional palm trees ; its mud liuts
side by side with lofty edifices of stone : such another
view I don't believe exists in the world, desolation
and cultivation, barrenness and fertility, splendor and
squalor, mud, marble, and wood, ancient and mod-
ern; broken and whole, barbarous, civilized, and Turk-
ish ; it is inimitable and indescribable and unimag-
inable, and I only wish you were here to take don-
keys and ride up with me to see it for yourselves,
and save me the trouble of writing about it.
The Arabs are a very picturesque and decidedly
dirty race. Their dress is graceful and elegant —
sometimes, but to dress in the common Arab cos-
tume, one need only get into an old, torn night-shirt
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 145
and tie a handkerchief about his head, and even two
of these articles may be dispensed with without be-
ing greatly out of fashion. The women (like the
ostriches we read of who put their heads into a bush
and think themselves entirely safe) take a little
pains, most of them, to cover their faces, but no great
care as to any other part of the person.
The houses are miserable mud huts, and the peo-
ple are so filthy that I have been astonished to find
the dogs, sheep, goats, and donkeys willing to oc-
cupy as joint- tenants with those who are so much
more degraded in the scale of being than them-
selves.
10
146 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XXXIV.
JOHN BULL SEES MORE THAN HE BARGAINED FOR.
February 5th. — A queer little incident of travel
happened hereabouts last week. The steamer which
has just made a voyage up the Nile stopped at Sak-
kara on her return, to permit the passengers to go
out and see the pyramids, Serapseum, Ibis pits, etc.
An Englishman belonging to the party unfortunately
became entangled in the passages of a pyramid and
couldn't get out. His companions by and by miss-
ing him, searched the whole region about an hour
and a half and finally concluded he had preceded
them in the return to their steamer, and went away
without him. The poor fellow at last, half dead
with the fright and the bad air combined, succeeded
in getting out into daylight, what little there was
left of it, for it was almost night, and by signs signi-
fied to some Bedouins, whom he discovered, his
wish to be taken to the river, which they complied
with, first relieving him of most of his superfluous
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 147
cash. But they ignorantly or wilfully conducted him
too far up the river, and found no steamer, so carried
him back again three or four miles to the pyramids,
and were for detaining him till further advices. Dur-
ing the night, however, he effected his escape, found
his way on foot, over canals and ditches, through
palm groves, grain fields, and sugar cane patches to
the Nile, cut loose a boat and floated down stream
to Cairo. But his troubles were by no means over
yet. Scarcely had he landed when the city guards
seized him as a marauder and thief, and, not being
able to understand his explanation, pricked him
about with their bayonets from one guard-house to
another, in search of some one who could talk with
him, but not succeeding, thrust him at length with
much abuse into a dark, filthy, flea-y prison, and it
was only on the next afternoon that he found him-
self free, having had nothing to eat for twenty -four
hours, but being himself eaten all that time by ver-
min, his clothes torn and covered with mud, his
whole appearance more that of a dilapidated dust-
man than a trim, spruce, neatly shaved, English
traveller. I think that man will retain some vivid
recollections of his Egyptian experiences, and as an
Englishman always values a thing by what it costs
him, doubtless that Cairo cell will ever remain very
dear to his memory.
148 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
A friend related the above to me as we were re-
clining on a divan smoking chibouks and drinking
coffee with the howling dervishes, and therefore, al-
though you may not see the particular connection be-
tween the two subjects, I shall proceed to give you
a short account of the proceedings of that fraternity
on the afternoon of last Friday, which, as everybody
knows, I need not say, is the Mohammedan Sabbath.
After partaking of the above-mentioned refreshments,
we all adjourned to the mosk connected with the es-
tablishment, leaving our slippers and boots at the
entrance. The head dervish, after one or two pros-
trations, seated himself in a little niche, which is al-
ways found on the Mecca side of a mosk, cross-leg-
ged, on a beautifully embroidered mat, and the
brethren (about thirty in number) arranged them-
selves in a semicircle, on sheep skins, in front of
their leader, each having bowed reverently before
him and kissed his hand, taking pains also to retire
backwards to his own place. Then with a few pre-
liminary ejaculations they began to repeat a formula
which, as near as I could find out, was, " There is
no other God but Allah," at first in a quiet and sol-
emn voice, afterwards in a more rapid and excited
manner, waving their bodies to and fro. After con-
tinuing this a wearisome while, (my friend said a
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 149
thousand and one times,) they were silent a few
minutes, the motions continuing however, then be-
gan anew with the repetition of the single word
" Allah," bowing their heads in concert, ever lower
and lower, getting constantly more and more excited.
At last they all rose simultaneously, kicked away
the sheep skins, took off their outer garment and
their high red cap, leaving their long hair to flow at
random over their shoulders, and commenced a sin-
gular and most doleful groaning which is still ring-
ing in my ears, but is not enough like any other
known sound for me to describe, at the same time
bowing their bodies till the dishevelled hair swept the
floor in front of them and nearly touched it behind,
ever faster and more furious, one of the shrillest
voices from time to time throwing in an unearthly
yell, and the whole scene getting more maniacal, not
to say diabolical, every instant.
Now glide into the circle, one, two, three, four
pale-faced boys and young men, clad in a long
purple or gray or white mantle, with a hoop at the
bottom, and commence whirling with ever increas-
ing velocity and wonderful endurance, (I counted
over a thousand evolutions of one little fellow not
more than ten years old, and didn't begin till he
had been going some time). Various musical
150 mr. dunn browne's
instruments also strike up, drums, fifes, flageolets,
and cymbals, and introduce a new element into
the mass of discordant sound, yet serving to give
it a sort of harmony and cadence. And so the
thing goes on an hour and a half, two hours, I
don't know but three hours, one of the leaders
going round inside the circle to encourage and
direct their movements, the whirlers occasionally
relieving one another, the voices of the howlers
growing hoarser, and the perspiration streaming
from their foreheads, things verging towards a crisis,
and the thing ends rather unceremoniously, brings
up with a sort of a jerk, all stopping at once, save
one poor fellow who don't seem to have any brakes
to put on, and continues bobbing up and down till
he falls in a fit, which is considered as the highest
attainable state of devotion, and peculiarly accept*
able to God. The rest, embracing their leader and
each other all round, resume their garments and ad-
journ to another cup of coffee and chibouk, and we
retire to our hotel. Such is the choicest worship of
the most holy of the Mussulmen.
EXPERIENCES IN EOREIGN PARTS. 151
CHAPTER XXXV.
ALEXANDRIA TO JERUSALEM.
My dear Reader, — Did you ever wait a week
in the stupid Egyptian town of Alexandria for a
miserable French steamer, which was behind her
time, and then when at last she did appear, find
the machinery out of order and be obliged to stop
a few days more in a hotel where you are bitten by
alternate swarms of mosquitoes and fleas, besides
being bled by the landlord to the tune of three
dollars a day and no "roast beef?" If so you can
perhaps appreciate the feelings of our party when
we went on board and found ourselves " out of the
frying-pan into the fire," alternating between a dirty,
dark, ill-flavored, flea-y cabin and a sooty deck cum-
bered with a crowd of ill-flavored and ill-favored
Arabs and negroes covered with fleas, and not half
covered with any thing else. Travelling in the East
should be most carefully eschewed by every thin-
skinned individual who is endowed with the sense
152 mr. dunn Browne's
of smell. These were the only circumstances in
which I ever really longed for a severe attack of
sea-sickness as the least of two evils. But alas!
that happy relief was denied me, and I continued
miserably well the whole two days of our trip to
Jaffa.
This little doll of a city sits up very erect on a
bit of a promontory, and really presents quite a
bold front to the boisterous old Mediterranean, who
dashes his impudent waves over her walls, and will
not allow the steamers to land their passengers more
than two times out of three. Our star was in the
ascendant, however, and we all reached the shore in
safety, including one or two Jerusalem passengers
who had been vibrating several passages between
Beyrout and Alexandria. But we found several
poor fellows on shore who had been waiting three
weeks in Joppa in no very amiable frame of mind,
and then again the steamer that came the week after
ours, by way of a pleasant variety, just landed her
passengers, but, the wind rising suddenly, carried all
their baggage on to Beyrout.
After paying our respects to the United States
consul, who can't speak a word of English but
is a capital consul notwithstanding, and to the
American missionaries, who received us with great
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 153
kindness and hospitality, we made our preparations
to depart at one, P. M., for Jerusalem, thirty-five miles
distant. And now came our first experience of
genuine Oriental travelling, for in Egypt we had
found all the comforts of an excellent railway, had
been borne on the wings of steam up within sight
of the pyramids, for all the world as if we were
travelling in Yankee land except that we felt our-
selves much safer. But here we engaged a Drag-
oman, who interpreted between us and our consul,
who sent his Janizary, w T ho brought us a venerable,
gray-haired muleteer, who assembled before our door
an assortment of rusty horses, spiteful mules, and
ragged donkeys, from which we selected the best-
looking, (except your humble servant who acted on
a directly contrary principle and in the end proved
to be the best mounted of the crowd,) and started
off at every pace from a limp to a gallop, through
the beautiful groves of orange and lemon trees, bend-
ing under their burden of luscious fruit, the peach,
cherry, almond, and pomegranate in richest fragrance
of blossom, and the earth all carpeted with the
sweetest of flowers. A ride of three hours over
the fertile vale of Sharon brought us to Ramleh,
where we rested two hours at the house of the
American consul, who can speak neither English*
154 ME. DUNN BROWNE'S
French, German, nor Italian, and therefore our con-
versation with him was carried on principally by-
means of pipes and coffee and . a very tolerable sup-
per of rice and chickens.
We set out again for Jerusalem at eight, P. M.,
having exchanged with our host a profusion of
polite speeches, of which neither party understood
the other's, but which doubtless answered the pur-
pose just as well. Our path at first led over the
same lovely plain enamelled .with flowers, (what a
pity that my "roses of Sharon" all proved, upon a.
closer inspection, to be poppies!) but after a little,
as we began to ascend the mountain, came a road
over which you would rather ride one mile than two.
Sometimes a smooth, slippery path cut and worn
deep into the limestone rock ; sometimes a moun-
tain gully, full of large, round stones, washed clean
from all soil which could fill up the crevices and
relieve the steps of the poor horses ; sometimes rude
stairs cut in the face of the mountain and some-
times places where none of these things were prac-
ticable, and our animals must scramble up by their
own unaided genius without artificial helps, and with
unerring step those little Syrian steeds bore us
over places that would give an American horse
the nightmare to dream about. A lively French
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 155
lady in Jerusalem declared to me that she could ride
her little gray charger up the side of any six story
house in Paris or London. Now I wouldn't vouch
for the strict literal truth of this statement, but it
wouldn't frighten me much to see her equestrianizing
on the roof of any house that isn't inclined more
than forty-five degrees.
We arrived at the Jaffa gate of the Holy City at
six o'clock in the morning, and never were poor pil-
grims more glad to reach their destination, for we had
scarcely snatched a moment's sleep in the two pre-
vious nights on that delectable steamer, and would
have broken our necks the moment we attempted
such a thing on horseback, amidst the ravines and
rocks which we passed over and through and around
and under and up and down, during that long, long
ten hours ride by moonlight from Ramleh to Jerusa-
lem. But now our pilgrimage was accomplished.
Fatigue and desire to sleep were forgotten in the joy
of entering the gates of Zion.
156 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XXXVI.
THE HOLY CITY.
Our first approach to Jerusalem was in the dead
silence that precedes the dawn ; in the gray morning
twilight which makes things look dim and mysteri-
ous and supernaturally large ; and very stately and
imposing was our view of the walls, battlements, tow-
ers, and domes of the old city, as we reached the
heights on the North-west, and drew near the Jaffa
gate. But the most beautiful view was when we
returned from the Jordan, (also in the night,) and
approached from the East over the Mount of Olives
at two o'clock in the morning, by a most glorious
moonlight. I shall never forget that scene. In and
about Jerusalem are many things that need the sil-
vering of the moonbeams. Then the rough, craggy
hills were softened and lighted up with a gentle
glory. The frightful ravines were filled with fanci-
ful shadows ; the old rusty domes of the city glis-
tened in silver; the crumbling towers stood out
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 157
sharp and fresh as of newly cut stone ; all the rough
places were made smooth ; all deficiencies were cov-
ered up ; the unsightly transformed into loveliness,
and what was before beautiful made absolutely glo-
rious. But seen in the daytime, looked i^pon in a
matter of fact kind of way, without regard to the
glorious and sacred associations connected with it,
(if indeed such a thing be possible,) Jerusalem
appears much as I had expected. T was sure I had
seen it often before ; that uneven, irregular, decaying
old city, mourning over her desolations, sitting soli-
tary amidst the ruins of her former glory. The hills
about the city are even more rocky and barren than
they are described ; the valleys are exceedingly pre-
cipitous, deep, -abysmal ; and the whole region is
full of caverns, grottos, tombs, all sorts of natural fis-
sures, and excavations by the hand of man. The
valley of the brook Kedron, (which is no brook at all,)
contains some green spots, about Gethsemane are
some ancient olive trees, the Mount of Olives has a
few fruit-trees and is cultivated in spots, the hills to
the southward toward Bethlehem are green and toler-
ably fertile, but generally the whole region around is
one mass of rocks, rough, craggy, terrible rocks, with-
out a tree or a shrub.
The town itself, which is supposed to contain
158 mr. dunn browne's
nearly twenty thousand inhabitants, is a filthy,
muddy, Oriental town, full of dogs and vermin, and
intolerable smells, habitable by decent people only on
Mt. Zion and near the Ja*ffa gate. The so-called
sacred places have been described a thousand times,
and even if they had not been, are not worth the
trouble, as no one now believes in their genuineness.
In Gethsemane one feels sure that he is at least near
the place where our Saviour agonized in the Garden,
in going up the Mount of Olives we doubtless fol-
lowed the path so often trodden by the feet of Jesus
and his disciples, but you are thankful to know that
Calvary and the Holy Sepulchre could not possibly
have been where the Greeks and Catholics locate
them, and quarrel so fiercely about their possession
that the Turk is obliged to interfere as a peacemaker
in these Christian brawls. Without speaking then of
the " Holy Places" about Jerusalem, I will only give
you a bit of an account of our visit to the mosk
Omar, the sacred enclosure carefully guarded so
many centuries against the intrusion of any Christian
foot, but which of late years has been on several oc-
casions opened for the admission of parties of Euro-
peans, usually the train of some prince, and will soon,
in all probability, become comparatively easy of ac-
cess to the public.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 159
Having our consul for Egypt and the brother of
the United States ambassador at Constantinople
with us, it seemed a favorable opportunity to intro-
duce an American party, and finally, after many vex-
atious delays and excuses, the required firman was
obtained, allowing us, on the payment of a pound
sterling each, to see all that is to be seen on the site
of the old temple. The Dervishes and other fanati-
cal Moslems, who guard the mosk and amuse them-
selves by throwing stones at any infidel dogs who
dare to approach, having been removed and shut up,
and a guard of thirty soldiers accompanying us,. we
entered and spent an hour and a half in examining
the mosks Omar and El Aksa which, with a large
enclosed space, occupy Mt. Moriah. The Mosk
Omar, which is generally supposed to stand on the
site of Solomon's temple, is an octagon with a huge
dome, covered all over with glazed tiles, painted blue
and green like China ware, which coating has broken
and crumbled away in many places, giving a very
ancient look to the building, which is natural enough,
for it is twelve hundred years old. There are four
entrances, and the interior has two concentric circles
of columns, forming two circular aisles, and a space
perhaps forty feet in diameter within the inner col-
umns that support *the dome, which is all occupied
160 mr. dunn browne's
with the sacred stone that was suspended in the air
at Mohammed's command, as it was accompanying
him on his ascension to heaven. On this rock, the
Moslems say, was the Holy of Holies of the ancient
temple, and under it is a chamber excavated in the
natural rock where are the places of prayer of Mo-
hammed, Christ, Moses, Elijah, and Solomon. The
•hole in the top of the rock is shown, through which
the prophet ascended. The stone remained hanging
in the air, by his command, without any visible sup-
port, for many centuries, but at last to relieve the
fears of the faithful, especially the females, who
dared not go under it, the present walls and pillars,
(which really have nothing to do w T ith supporting it,)
were placed beneath.
The floor of the mosk is of beautiful marble, and
the sides are lined with marbles ; the pillars are of
the Corinthian order, of Porphyry and Verd Antique.
There are several beautiful painted windows in the
dome, and some rich mosaics and gilding. The
Mosk El Aksa has the form of a cross like a church,
as indeed it was, is of vast size, but not especially
beautiful. Below are vaults and galleries which
probably formed one of the entrances to Solomon's
temple, and contain many of the vast bevelled stones
and two or three of the massive pillars of its original
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 161
construction, about three thousand years old. There
are fine remains, also, of the ancient " Beautiful
Gate," on the east side of the temple inclosure, and
the immense reservoirs of water which undermine
the whole hill are still full and of great interest, but
we could only peep down through the openings and
make their vaults resound with the thundering
echoes of our voices. The curb-stones of these reser-
voirs are worn all round their inner surface, to the
depth of six or eight inches, by the friction of the
well ropes.
My boots having been stolen by some of the faith-
ful, while I was within the mosque, I remain yours,
in a pair of Turkish slippers.
11
162 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XXXVII.
MARE ASPHALTICUM.
On a fine February morning in the year 1856,
might have been seen, issuing from the western gate
of Jerusalem, and winding along over the rocky but
verdant hills towards Bethlehem, two solitary horse-
men, oh no, I beg Mr. James's pardon, a cavalcade of
sixteen sunburned, weather-beaten travellers, clad
in a combination of all the various costumes of the
countries they had visited ; mounted upon fifteen
ugly, rough-coated, awkwardly-saddled, shovel-stir-
ruped, Syrian horses and one abstracted, intro-
spective, metaphysical donkey ; accompanied by the
usual Oriental suite of dragomen, muleteers, servants,
and Bedouin guards. Had any curious observer
seen the above-mentioned interesting company and
inquired (in a polite and respectful manner) respect-
ing their destination, he would have been told in
Arabic, Armenian, French, Italian, or English, accord-
ing to his selection of an informant, that they were
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 163
a party of Yankees, Canadians, Scotch, etc. etc., go-
ing to Jericho, by way of Bethlehem, the Dead Sea ;
and the Jordan. Thankful and glad for the bright
morning sun, instead of the rain we had the previous
evening anticipated, on we go, cheerfully prancing
and galloping and laughing and chatting, amidst the
singing of birds, through the fields of grain, over
the stones, trampling underfoot the pretty flowers,
throwing into the air clouds of dust with the hoofs
of our mettlesome steeds, and devouring the distance
at the rate of six miles an hour at the very least.
We pass on the left the identical tree, (possibly
two hundred years old,) on which Judas hanged
himself, then on the right a lovely valley and sloping
ascent covered with olives, and after a while just to
tne right of our path a plain white building, the
tomb of Rachel ; then, the road getting very rough
and rocky, at the end of two hours we reach the
famous pools of Solomon, three in number, irregu-
larly shaped, from thirty to sixty feet deep, of vast
size, one above another in the narrow valley, in tol-
erably good repair, but now empty. The old aque-
duct still conveys a small stream of water from a
cool fountain just above the pools, quite to Jerusa-
lem, I think. Following the course of this aqueduct
eastward, we soon look down upon the narrow rib-
164 mk. dunn browne's
bon of meadow, like a stream of living verdure flow-
ing between the barren limestone hills, or like a huge
green serpent winding down the valley, which was
purchased a few years since by some Americans for
the purpose of testing the agricultural capabilities of
the country. The experiment has proved, I believe,
rather a failure ; but a prettier little farm could n't
be found in all Palestine and a long journey besides.
Chancing to pour into the ear of my friend " Wil-
liam, the Conqueror," some rather poetical remarks
upon the loveliness of this verdant valley, that
enthusiastic monarch turned his bland countenance
upon the charming scene for a moment, and re-
marked, in his inimitable way, " Yes, it is rather
green."
In about three quarters of an hour, we climbed a
high hill, (so steep that one of our horses fell over
backwards, rider, saddle, and all,) into Bethlehem,
where we were hospitably entertained at the con-
vent, and shown the manger (of stone) where the
infant Saviour was laid, in a hewn grotto deep
under the ground, and the precise spot where he was
born marked by a silver star, directly over which
stood " the Star in the East." Around the star is a
Latin inscription, " Here was born Jesus Christ of the
Virgin Mary," and many silver lamps are constantly
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 165
burning both in this place and over the manger, and
two or three exquisite little pictures by Murillo are
also to be seen. The church and adjoining build-
ings are so divided up and partitioned off to keep
asunder the belligerent Greeks and Catholics, as to
spoil all the harmony of proportion and beauty of
architecture.
Three hours more eastward bring us to the strange
old Greek convent of San Saba, built into and hewn
out of the rocky side of a tremendous gorge five or
six hundred feet in depth, which is a continuation of
the valley of Jehoshaphat down to the Dead Sea.
As we approached from the west down the hill,
nothing but two solitary towers, perhaps thirty rods
apart, were visible. After knocking a while at a
gate near the foot of one of them, a basket was let
down from an upper window, and our letters of rec-
ommendation from Jerusalem drawn up and exam-
ined, whereupon we were admitted and cordially
greeted by a brown monk with a rope about his
waist, and, dismounting, we followed him down
flights of steps, through strong doors and curious
passages cut in the rock, down more flights of stairs,
ever down, down, down, till we thought the bottom
of the old building had fallen out, and ourselves
were destined to become an infinite descending
166 me. dunn browne's
series, but we obtained soundings at last, and an-
chored in safety in a large apartment surrounded by
a sort of divan, on which we slept such a sleep as
only travellers on horseback over stony mountains
can enjoy.
In the morning we made an exploration of the
convent, saw forty thousand skulls of hermits who
have died, within the last one or two thousand years,
in the rock-hewn cells of this vicinity, and resumed
our journey over the conical, volcanic looking hills
which surround the Dead Sea. The country is, to
be sure, rather desolate, but by no means the fright-
ful wilderness I had anticipated. The scenery is
very soft and beautiful, the hills all curves and no
angles, smooth and covered with a thin verdure
which thousands of goats are cropping. The sea
seemed but a few steps distant, yet we have been
four long hours in reaching it, and I hope never to
have so much down hill travelling again. It makes
one feel mean to have such depths to descend into.
Having read much of the disagreeable effects of
bathing in the Dead Sea, we now proceed at once
to make trial of the same, and as this chapter is
growing considerably long, perhaps you may as well
leave us for the present, disporting ourselves in these
clear, buoyant waters, like a school of porpoises let
EXPERIENCES IN EOREIGN PARTS. 167
out to play, in a short recess from their severe nauti-
cal studies. You need not fear for our safety, as
none of our party have sufficient specific gravity to
be able to drown themselves in these anti-suicidal
waters, which are called, so improperly, the Dead
Sea. Yours, bituminously.
168 ME. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
DOES NOT " TARRY AT JERICHO."
We all enjoyed our bath wonderfully, and experi-
enced none of those disagreeable consequences of
which so many travellers have spoken, except indeed
an incrustation of salt over our faces, and a slight
oily sensation of the skin, an impression as if we
were saturated with grease and would burn if lighted.
(My friend Isham, who is standing by my side, sug-
gests that there is a little exaggeration about that
last remark. Very well, my dear fellow, I will not
insist that you would become " a burning and shining
light" even after a dozen baths in the Dead Sea.
But what would become of all the poetry of the
world if a body couldn't color his descriptions a bit?
So don't be interrupting me any more, please, it
makes such long parentheses.) The wonderful buoy-
ancy of the water made manifest such a compara-
tive lightness of our bodies and such an exhilarating
lightness of spirits too, that we indulged in a thou-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 169
sand amusing gambols such as you would scarcely
expect, perhaps, from the dignified personages to
whom you have recently been introduced. You can
take any sort of position you choose, stand, sit, lie on
your back, fold your arms and go to sleep, read, eat
your lunch, or even write a letter, I verily believe, re-
clining on those luxurious cushions of waves. But
woe be to you if any portion of your cuticle is bro-
ken or removed, and those briny drops gaining ad-
mittance to your eyes, are sure to return with other
briny drops as usury following them. The taste of
the water is a combination and concentration of
whatever is unpleasant to the palate.
Having gone through a variety of striking tableaux
and satisfied our philosophical curiosity in reference
to this wondrous lake, we remounted, and putting
our steeds upon their mettle, (they have a deal
more spirit than their looks indicate and are capital
on a gallop,) we made in forty minutes the two
hours' ride over the salt plain to the Ford of the Jor-
dan. It is a salt plain indeed. In many places you
can gather it in handfuls, almost pure. Of course
nothing grows in this region. It is much more des-
olate and appareutly accursed than the country west
of the sea. The Jordan itself is not visible till you
come to its very shores, and doesn't present any very
170 mr. dunn browne's
inviting appearance even then, being a dreadfully
muddy, unpicturesque stream, rushing along at a
tremendous rate between two banks, about twenty
yards asunder, lined with dirty willows ; in short,
though I had made up my mind to be disap-
pointed in the Jordan, I was much more disap-
pointed than I expected. Our party of course pro-
ceeded at once to rinse off the slime of the Dead Sea
by a bath in the sacred stream. Those who were
swimmers, headed by the Professor, in spectacles,
passed very readily over to "the other side Jordan,"
by going a little up stream where the water was
deeper and not quite so swift, but your humble ser-
vant, attempting to wade across at the Ford where
the depth is not much over four feet, found the cur-
rent so rapid that it lifted him up bodily, (the gravity
of his body not being so great as that of his disposi-
tion,) and would have borne him down to be pre-
served in asphaltum in the Dead Sea but for the
powerful arm of a tall Bedouin Arab Shekh, who
was making the passage by his side, and who was
satisfied with the very reasonable sum of four pias-
tres for saving to the world the author of this verita-
ble history.
Having thoroughly tested the effect of the water
externally, we proceeded to make an internal appli-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 171
cation in connection with our lunch, and really for a
mixture of clay, limestone and water, it was n't very
bad to take. Taking one last farewell look of the
old Jewish river, and carrying up with us for a me-
morial, like the Israelites, a few stones from its bed,
(though not quite so large pebbles as they took,) and
also an assortment of ugly canes from the w T illow
trees above referred to, we turned our faces again
westward, and in two hours arrived at the site of an-
cient Jericho, having suffered considerably from the
intense heat in our journey across the plain, although
it was the 23d of February and in latitude some-
where about that of the city of Washington. It
must be perfectly intolerable in summer. In this
valley we thought we could see the snow-crowned
summit of Hermon away north of the Sea of Gali-
lee, eighty or ninety miles distant. Being utterly
disgusted with Jericho, and our beards having al-
ready a tolerable growth, we resolved not to tarry,
but ordered out our horses and started at seven
and a half P. M. in a glorious moonlight for Jerusa-
lem, which is six or seven hours distant, and those
same tough little horses who had carried us since
seven in the morning, and engaged in several sharp
little races in the bargain, bore us unflaggingly
through that long night ride, over roads, too, where
172 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
an American horse would bring up dead lame in two
hours. I think we were on horseback fifteen hours
out of that twenty-four. The scenery in this region,
(the hill country towards Jerusalem,) is extremely
wild, savage, and stern, and we became as tired of
riding up hill before we reached the Mount of Olives
as we had been the day previous of descending.
What difficult creatures we are to satisfy, indeed !
We passed, during the night, several picturesque
Bedouin encampments. They would have proved
something more than picturesque to us, doubtless,
if we hadn't mustered so strong a force, for these
tall, grim fellows are equally adepts at both their
trades of shepherd and robber, and with their sheep-
skins over their shoulders, suggested to our minds
very readily the idea of " wolves in sheep's clothing."
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 173
CHAPTER XXXIX.
SAMARIA AND GALILEE.
After one has seen all that is of interest above
ground, in and about Jerusalem, there still remains
to him who is fond of burrowing, at least a year's
subterranean explorations in the vicinity. All the
rocky hills about the city are full of excavations, some-
times connecting with one another, tomb after tomb,
for fifteen hundred feet underground. Mount Moriah
is all undermined with a series of stupendous reser-
voirs, which have not yet been fully explored, and be-
neath the whole city are vast quarries, where you may
wander miles and miles ere you begin to retrace your
steps, where are caves and grottos, fountains, streams
of running water, etc. The only entrance to this
' last described series of quarries, is by a little hole in
the wall just east of the Damascus gate, outside the
city, into which a slender man can barely crawl, as
the Professor and myself can testify from actual ex-
perience. We wriggled in through this muddy aper-
174 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
ture, (it was a rainy day,) a distance of eight feet,
and then climbed down a wall six feet, head fore-
most, at least I did, but the Professor profiting by my
experience, entered in the reverse order, with eminent
success, and we proceeded to explore, with no guide
but our own sagacity, to the extent of our six inches
of spermaceti. . . .
"We departed from the Holy City as we entered it,
in the gray light of the early morning, and as we
caught our last glimpse from the distant northern hills,
the sun had just broken forth over the top of Olivet,
and was gilding with a halo of glory, those venerable
domes and battlements, covering them with beauty
and brightness in our remembrance, as if we had
caught a passing glimpse of the heavenly Jerusalem,
rejoicing in the beams of the great Sun of Righteous-
ness himself. A nd thus we bade adieu to the Holy
City, and passed on by the lofty " Nebi Samwill "
on the left, surrounded by beautiful slopes covered
with olives, and then on our right the ruins of Bethel,
rode a half hour in a heavy shower of rain, dried our-
selves in the bright sun which succeeded it, stopped
to lunch in a pretty green valley by the side of a
spring, sitting on the first bit of real turf that I have
seen in Syria, (we took the precaution to spread our
blankets over it before sitting down however,) then
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 175
mounting again our untiring steeds, after a long day
of eleven hours in the saddle, we found welcome rest
at last in the pleasant town of Nablous, the ancient
Shechem, a garden-surrounded little city of twelve
thousand inhabitants, snugly ensconced in the nar-
row valley which keeps asunder the grim, stony, bel-
ligerent-looking mountains Ebal and Gerizim.
At the entrance of this valley we turned a little off
our road through a ploughed field to see Jacob's well,
but did n't see it, as the proprietor of those grounds,
in order to check the curiosity of travellers, has bro-
ken in the roof of the room which covered the well's
mouth, and you can't get the slightest glimpse of the
water or any thing that looks like a well. Perhaps
you can imagine with what revengeful delight we
spread out our company of horse over that man's
field, and took pains to trample down his young
wheat. I should make it a point always to ride out
to that well if I were going past every day. From
Nablous three hours in the bright morning sun, over
a thick carpet of variegated flowers, brought us up to
the head of the valley to ancient Samaria, absolutely
the finest situation for a city that I have seen yet,
but occupied at present by a set of ill-mannered
wretches who threw 'stones at us as we were examin-
ing the ruins of an ancient church, and then brought
176 mr. dunn browne's
a parcel of long striped guns to bear upon us, merely
because we drew our revolvers and threatened to
shoot them if they did n't take their departure. Hav-
ing compromised this slight difficulty, and effected a
truce with the barbarians through the agency of our
excellent Michael, the prince of Dragomen, if I may
be allowed to speak electrically, a prime conductor,
we proceeded to lunch amidst a grove of marble col-
umns, (granite though upon second thought,) whereof
something less than a thousand remain standing in
witness of the splendor of the ancient city, and then
rode over several rough, uninteresting hills, and
through several fertile valleys, catching glimpses
on the heights, of the sea and of snowy Herman, till
at last we came to the entrance of the great plain of
Esdraelon, to the Arab village of Janin, a place
which has made a deep impression on my memory,
as the scene of the most utterly miserable night of my
experience. The " miserable night" of the wretched
Clarence in Richard the Third could n't compare with
it at all, because his was capable of description and
mine isn't, and his was a dream, while mine was
quite the contrary, and besides, a guilty conscience,
(which seemed to be the principal source of his
trouble,) as far as my experience goes, is nothing to a
myriad of fleas. We were eleven, in a room eight
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 177
feet by ten, which was full, before we entered it, of
vermin, of dirt, of stagnant tobacco smoke, and of un-
pleasant Arab smells.
The journal of the next day, (the third from Jeru-
salem,) if there were time to write it, would make
mention of the troop of gazelles we saw bounding
over the rolling plain of Esdraelon, would speak in
fitting terms of the oft described Mount Tabor,
which rises in lonely beauty just to the left of our
path after we have ascended from Esdraelon between
Gilboa and Little Hermon, would enlarge upon the
beauty and fertility of this country of Galilee, and at
last go into perfect raptures as, at sunset, we stand
on the brow of the high hill which overlooks the Sea
of Tiberias, and look down upon that fair, sweet lake,
on whose borders Jesus loved to dwell, and whose
waters once bore up his steps. 'Twas Saturday
night, and slowly and quietly we descended to the
little town of Tiberias to spend a Sabbath, for once
in our lives, by the Sea of Galilee.
12
178 mr. dunn Browne's
CHAPTER XL.
OVER LAND TO BEYROUT.
The Sea of Galilee is surrounded by smooth green
hills, very high and steep on the north and south-
west, sloping gently down to the water's edge on the
north-east and north-west, with even a bit of plain on
the west, but to the south-east, the ancient country
of the Gadarenes, rises abruptly a wall of chalk cliffs
six hundred feet high, like the shore of the Dead Sea
itself. Tiberias, the only town now remaining on its
shores, is a city-like village surrounded by an imposing
wall, (which is, however, fast falling into ruins,) con-
taining, I should think, five hundred, but according
to our host, fourteen hundred, inhabitants, mostly
Polish and Spanish Jews, very dirty but learned ;
indeed, this is the principal seat of learning among
the Jews, and every third man you meet is a rabbi
with his head crammed with Talmudical lore, which
he imparts, (for a consideration,) to the youthful
Hebrews, who resort hither from various quarters of
the world to complete their theological education.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 179
A violent storm of wind and rain arose Sunday
afternoon, so' that we saw the lake not only in its
peaceful calm, but also when the waves were lashed
into fury. I looked out from my window, and could
almost see the scene of walking on the water, and
our Saviour stretching forth his hand to save the
trembling Peter from the watery grave into which
his unbelief was sinking him.
Monday morning, after taking a bath in the pure
waters of the lake, and visiting the hot springs a
little below Tiberias, we wound our way up the hill
again, cast one last lingering look at the lovely
scene below us, and took up our route to Nazareth,
six hours distant. But scarcely were we settled
in our saddles when the clouds gathered thick and
pitiless over our defenceless heads, and it began
first to drizzle, then to rain, and then to pour down
upon us in torrents, and for three mortal hours did
we plod along in that driving, drenching rain, find-
ing no mercy from the clouds above and no shelter
on the earth beneath. . Your humble servant, who
had caught cold the evening previous, in a shower
which fell upon him as he was walking up towards
Capernaum, began to be sick, and to have shooting
pains and chills and gloomy forebodings of a Syrian
fever, and fell gradually behind the rest of the party,
180 mr. dtjnn browne's
then behind the muleteers and the baggage, till he
was left alone, a couple of miles in the rear, just
able to keep in the saddle, fast losing his interest in
things generally, and ready to surrender without a
struggle to the first Bedouin who should accost him
with the Arabic for " your money or your life." In
this forlorn state he was picked up by a detachment
sent back from the main body, who had first dis-
covered his absence on their halt at Cana of Galilee,
and brought in so weak in body and mind as abso-
lutely to believe for a few moments in the stone
jars which are shown at that place as the identical
jars that contained the water made wine at the mar-
riage feast. A draught from the company's spirit-
flask restored a little his strength, (and of course his
unbelief,) and without further accident we all arrived
in safety at Nazareth, and were received with great
hospitality by the Fathers of the Latin convent.
Nazareth has a fine situation overhanging a pretty
green valley of fruit-trees, about four thousand in-
habitants, and a thriving well-to-do appearance, rare
enough to find in oppressed, tax-ridden Palestine.
One day more over the plain of Esdraelon again,
with no incidents of travel save plenty of gazelles,
foxes, jackals, and Bedouin robbers, all of whom
seemed to avoid our company, brought us to the
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 181
bold promontory of Carmel, where rest is found in
the ever-hospitable convent, (certainly a most com-
fortable institution in such a country as Syria).
The next day a magnificent gallop of four hours
over the hard beach of fine sand, where the horses'
hoofs scarcely left a trace, gave us abundant time
to visit the fortifications of Acre, which the Bashaw
politely sent an officer to show us, after we had
drank coffee and smoked long amber-mouthed pipes
with him. One other day's journey amidst broken
pillars and ruins of huge aqueducts and bridges, to
the small town which occupies the site of ancient
Tyre, and still another day just like the last, to Si-
don, and one final, long, hard day, with a rapid river
to ford, and rocky promontories to climb, and deep
sand to wade through, bring us to the end of the
week, and to Beyrout, the end of our journey, and
me to the end of this chapter, for all which blessings
I am truly thankful and trust you are the same.
182 mr. dunn Browne's
CHAPTER XLI.
THE AEGEAN A1ND THE DARDANELLES.
March 22cl. — On board the French steamer
Tamise, (Thames,) in the Archipelago, in sight of
Scio and Cos and Patmos, and just out of sight of
Rhodes, opposite which, in a little cove in the main
land, we have been waiting two days for the equi-
noctial storm to come and go by, but as the weather
has continued calm and the passengers have mani-
fested an unreasonable desire to get somewhere some
time, our prudent French officers have started out
to-day, running the risk of getting to Smyrna be-
fore the storm comes, (of which there isn't the slight-
est appearance). We shall have been about ten
days crawling from Beyrout up to Smyrna, a pas-
sage which a Yankee boat would make in two days
easily, stopping a day or two at every little dirty
town on the way, (and it is astonishing what a
number of them there are,) and putting into port
whenever there is any appearance of a breeze. At
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 183
Rhodes, the ancient stronghold of the famous
Knights of St. John, and the only place of any in-
terest along the whole coast, we were unable to
land, but were taken, much against our will, into
the little cove above mentioned, where the only in-
cident of interest for two days was the hunt, capture,
and slaughter, by our sailors, of a terrific wild boar.
His struggles, (in the arms of the stout seaman
who brought him on board,) were fearful to behold,
and he weighed, when dressed, nearly one hundred
pounds.
Nothing can be more striking than these count-
less islands of the iEgean, with their bold, abrupt
shores rising defiantly out of the waves, their rough,
treeless mountain sides, and queer little nests of
harbors. Striking but not very beautiful, save at a
distance. Some of them are exceedingly small,
mere specks on the surface of the waters. This
must be the birthplace of the islands, I am sure,
and as they grow up big enough to take care of
themselves, Father Neptune doubtless cuts them
adrift from their nursery here, to seek their fortune
and settle down in the world where they best can.
Some of them have become very celebrated in fable
and in song, some have married ambitious penin-
sulas and never been heard of more, some have
184 me. dunn Browne's
raised up nice little families of their own, away in a
distant ocean, some have remained crusty old bach-
elors, venting their spleen in explosive volcanoes,
some have lived gay lives and given themselves up
wholly to wine, some have flatted out into humdrum
wheat-fields, some have turned their attention to
war and became famous military and naval stations,
a few have taken to piracy, and a great many to
reputable commerce. But whatever be their grown-
up fate, the little infants here are very pert and saucy
in appearance, rise boldly out of the waves, and
look as if they wouldn't be imposed upon, even by a
continent.
Beyrout, (which I ought to have mentioned be-
fore, only that the objects nearest me first attracted
my attention,) is beyond comparison the finest town
on the eastern coast of the Mediterranean, surrounded
with rich gardens, fig orchards, and the most beauti-
ful olive groves in the world. And then the scenery;
there is the sea on the west and north, the stately
ridge of Lebanon, with snowy peaks nine thousand
feet high, overhanging it on the east, in contrast
with the green, black, blue, and brown hills below,
and then toward the south, the fertile plain, sprinkled
with all manner of fruit-trees and covered with
oceans of flowers, and even yet I have n't mentioned
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 185
the sand hill which has been cast up by the sea, and
is slowly advancing from the west to overwhelm
the city. It is truly a charming place, and healthful,
too, save that the cholera will come along occasion-
ally. This is the centre of the American missionary
operations in Syria, and we found several old friends
and acquaintances among the missionaries, who
made our stay in Beyrout exceedingly pleasant, so
that for once we didn't regret the tardiness of our
steamer which arrived as usual four or five days be-
hind time. It afforded me very great gratification to
see how comfortably, not only here but throughout
the East where I have come in contact with them,
our missionaries live. They have good houses, good
furniture, good servants, and good living, and are
thus enabled to devote themselves entirely to the
appropriate duties of their calling, without that con-
stant burden of anxiety as to what they shall eat,
drink, and wear, and how they shall support their
families, which paralyzes the energies of so many
clergymen in country towns here at home, and es-
pecially in our Western Home Missionary field.
Our missionaries in Western Asia are well sup-
ported, held in high estimation by both natives and
foreigners in those regions, enjoy considerable good
society, and are, in general, every way a credit to
thenselves, to the Board, and to our country.
186 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
March 23d. — Stopped at Smyrna on the Sab-
bath, (Easter,) attended a service about two and a
half hours long at the English chapel, and at four
o'clock resumed our voyage. You would think
Smyrna a very beautiful place, with its dark cypress
groves and streets rising one above another on the
side of the hill, if you were only wise enough not to
land, but that destroys the illusion.
March 25th. — Constantinople. — We have had a
lovely passage from Smyrna, by Lesbos, Tenedos,
Troy, Mount Ida, the Dardanelles, Abydos, etc.,
beautiful in themselves and all steeped in historical
and poetical recollections. The scenery up the straits
is very fine, though the shores are not fertile, as I ex-
pected, but generally bleak and barren. I suspect
we are a little too early to see Constantinople in its
beauty. There needs the verdure of May, and
withal a greater variety of trees, to sustain its
reputation of being the most beautiful spot in the
world, even limiting the world to that small portion
of it seen by the writer hereof. There is an incredi-
ble activity and energy in these regions. We passed
some three hundred vessels from the Dardanelles up
to this place, and here the Golden Horn is crowded
with ships of every nation and flag. All is bustle
and confusion, and red coats and clanking swords
and mustachios and ammunition wagons, and young
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 187
middies and drunken sailors and cannon and bomb-
shells and abominably high prices and other warlike
symptoms. After finding one of the cheaper hotels,
where the price is only three dollars a day, we, that
is, " W. H. P." and myself, (our party split at Bey-
rout, on the subject of going to Damascus, and our
half divided again at Smyrna, on account of the
sickness, wellnigh unto death even, of our beloved
Isham,) proceeded to explore the city a little.
Crossed the Golden Horn, from Galata to Stamboul
proper, by the old bridge of boats, (they have two
beautiful new ones for show, but use them scarcely
at all,) engaged for guide an arbitrary little Jewish
boy who insisted on taking us to the bazaars before
visiting St. Sophia, but after an obstinate struggle
we drove him on before us to the great church, where
we found several of our English fellow passengers
standing forlornly before a locked door, threatening,
in bad French and wicked English, all manner of
vengeance from British ambassadors and consuls
and armies, if the entrance was not unbarred, but a
little quiet talk from those who were used to that
sort of people, and a shilling backsheesh from each,
soon operated as a talisman for our admission. As,
however, the full and accurate description of the ven-
erable edifice, which I should give, would occupy
188 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
nearly a chapter by itself, perhaps you had better
take leave of us standing under the lofty dome with
our boots in our hands, (taking warning from our
experience in the Mosk Omar,) in which position
please allow the curtain to drop.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 189
CHAPTER XLTI.
THE CRIMEA.
Ah well, I have been to the Crimea, and seen
camps and real armies, the "pomp and circumstance"
of glorious war, (two days after the news of peace
arrived,) slept at Sebastopol, picked up a broken
bayonet on the heights of the MalakofT, seen a great
town roofless and in ruins, and a country covered
for miles and miles with cannon balls and broken
shells. And one such sight is enough for a lifetime.
But to particularize a little. We took passage in
the British transport " Tynemouth," a steamer as I
supposed from the smoke pipe and the puffing, bufc
as our jovial old captain informed me " only a sail-
ing vessel with a bit of a screw in the stern just to
assist in steering." By making the most of her va-
rious means of locomotion we succeeded in running
the three hundred and fifty miles or so to Balaklava
in three days. The passage up the Bosphorus is
the loveliest imaginable, one constant succession of
190 mr. dunn Browne's
picturesque villages, wooded promontories, quiet
little bays, castles, palaces,' gardens, groves, and cot-
tages ; just one of those delightful trips where one
wishes all his frends were with him to share the en-
joyment. The Black Sea, however, is dull and stu-
pid as any other waste of waters, and right glad
were we when it was announced at last that the har-
bor of Balaklava was in sight. Going upon deck,
however, I found that it was visible only to the eye of
faith, for not a break or cleft could I discern in a long
line of high white cliffs which rose like a hostile wall
forbidding our approach. But when, after cruising off
and on for an hour or two till our boat came off with
permission from the admiral to enter the harbor, we
approached at last that formidable wall, a narrow
line appeared which widened and opened like the
folds of a door into a passage just wide enough to
admit the ship, and turning a tolerably sharp corner
to the right, we found ourselves in as snug a little
miniature pocket edition of a harbor as you will find
in a year's sailing. And crowded as it already was
with shipping, our immensely long unwieldy craft
found difficulty in getting a berth, and ran her bow-
sprit into the rigging of one vessel, and bumped her
stern against another, a beautiful Sardinian steamer,
destroying and producing a considerable amount of
railing on her quarter-deck.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 191
Landing as soon as was practicable, we strolled
through the streets of the extempore, California-like
town of shanties, which lines the harbor, climbed
over several steep hills, and wandered about a couple
of hours among the tents of the soldiers, entered sev-
eral of them and even took a bit of a lunch with some
jolly fellows of the eighty-ninth regiment, (English).
Their shanties, which accommodate sixteen or eigh-
teen soldiers each, are generally perhaps twenty feet
long and fourteen wide, with a door at one end and
a little window at the other, a platform six feet wide
and a foot high, running the whole length each side,
and a long narrow table standing on the ground in
the space between, and a little stove beyond it at
the further end, the clothing and accoutrements hang-
ing all around. They have not many chairs, the
platform referred to answering therefor as well as for
floor and bedstead. On the whole the soldiers find
these residences very comfortable, certainly much
superior to tents in this respect if not so picturesque.
The Sardinians and the French have very generally
made little gardens about their huts, and planted
evergreens, giving them quite an air of rustic beauty
and elegance.
We visited also the clean, comfortable Hospitals
of the English and Sardinians, where the most ad-
mirable neatness and order reign throughout all the
192 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
arrangements, and the sick and disabled are cared
for almost with the kindness of a home. Even wo-
man's gentle hand was there to smooth the pillow,
and her quiet step gliding among the couches, to
call up visions of mothers' and sisters' care. Those
Sisters of Charity, in plain dress of drab and closely-
fitting muslin cap, have often seemed, no doubt,
to those poor, mangled victims of bombshells and
Minie bullets, like angels ministering to their suffer-
ings.
The roads throughout this region, from camp to
camp and from hospital to burying-ground, every-
where indeed, are truly excellent, and will be one
permanent blessing bestowed by the Allies upon the
country. Returning from the inhospitable shore,
(no lodgings to be had for love or money,) to the
hospitable bosom of our ship to rest for the night,
we rose betimes in the morning and proceeded to
walk to Sebastopol, eight or nine miles distant.
We walked simply because we chose, (catch a free
and enlightened American citizen doing any thing
upon compulsion). To be sure there wasn't a horse
or mule to be had in Balaklava even at the estab-
lished rate of a pound sterling per day, and the rail-
road built by the British doesn't carry passengers,
and cabs haven't yet been introduced into the
Crimea.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 193
All the way is one great camp. I had no idea
armies occupied so much room. And very gay and
splendid was the whole scene ; the clouds of white
tents, (I was talking about huts a moment since, but
it would be too much work to describe huts for
the whole army, to say nothing about building
them,) the streaming banners, the vast bodies of in-
fantry performing their evolutions, (it was a kind of
review day and everybody was in the field,) the
bright uniforms, the glittering bayonets and dancing
plumes, the soul-stirring music, the splendid cavalry,
the grim and terrible cannons, and above all the
thought that it was n't a mere sham militia muster,
but the stern reality of blood-steeped armies that I
was looking upon, made the pageant of that day
something to be long remembered.
But impressive as was the sight of the living
armies moving in stately pride before us, I was yet
more affected by the vast cemeteries that we passed,,
where repose the armies of the dead, the common
soldiers with no record on their graves, in great in-
closures surrounded by a deep ditch, the officers in
small plots of ground, usually one for each regiment,
inclosed by a neat, substantial wall, and planted
with beautiful evergreens. Every thing is in good
taste, the stones well wrought and of the best mar-
13
194 mr. dunn browne's
bles, the inscriptions generally brief but many of
them very affecting. I could not but notice how
many youth had found their graves in the Crimea.
" Charles E , aged seventeen, fell on the
Heights of Inkerman." " Edward, son of Lord
, aged eighteen, died of wounds received in
leading his men to the attack upon the Redan," and
scores of similar inscriptions, we read. Nearly all
the amputations and severe surgical operations were
fatal to the younger sufferers, while the tough vet-
erans survived to return home cripples, " honorably
discharged." A cannon ball lay usually at the head
and foot of each officer's grave. The extent of these
" camps of the dead " is fearful to look upon, acres
upon acres, and square miles almost, all ridged into
new-made graves, appearing in the distance like the
furrows of newly-ploughed fields.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 195
CHAPTER XLIII.
MODERN RUINS.
Before we were within two miles of Sebastopol,
the ground began to be cut up into trenches and
piled up into breastworks, and to be covered with
cannon balls and fragments of shells, lying so closely
together that you might walk any distance on them
as a pavement, without once touching the earth. I
could n't have believed that so much good useful iron
had been perverted into death-dealing projectiles
since the devil first taught Friar Bacon the invention
of gunpowder. Why, there is enough lying within
a circle about Sebastopol of five miles diameter, to
build all the iron steamers now afloat, and give each
of them a cargo in the bargain.
As we came over the brow of the hill which com-
mands a view of the town, the first thing to strike
us was the beauty of the harbor, and the next, the
strangeness of a city without roofs. I wasn't aware
before that the roof was so important a feature of
196 mr. dunn Browne's
the house, considered in the light of a picture. Un-
cover Boston and look down upon it from Bunker
Hill monument. That's the easiest way I can sug-
• gest to you of getting an adequate idea of the thing.
If this does n't answer the purpose, why, put the roofs
on, come down again and give it up ; it 's no use
trying. Drawing nearer we came to a hill evidently
once fortified, but now so torn and tortured out of all
resemblance to any thing natural or artificial, and
withal covered with such a chaos of broken military
iron-mongery, as to arrest our attention at once and
put us upon making inquiries of a sentinel near by.
This was the Redan. The earth bears now no traces
of the blood here spilt, but is covered with a perfect
hail of bullets beaten into all sorts of shapes and
shapelessness. The soldier pointed out to us the
different varieties of Minie ball used by the several
armies, and we carried away a pocketful of the
leaden specimens.
Descending through trampled vineyards and fields
ploughed with cannon balls, we were soon in the
streets of the ruined town. I shall never need read
i
any more sermons and dissertations on the horrors of
war. There were churches burned and battered
down, monuments mutilated, splendid buildings in
ruins, bridges destroyed, costly docks blown up, the
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 197
harbor encumbered with sunken ships, all business at
an end, no children playing in the streets, no woman's
face at the casement, no workman's hammer heard,
only soldiers to be met on the pavement, desolation)
cinders, blackened walls, tottering chimneys, fallen
arches, shattered columns, every thing combustible
burned, every thing in pieces that was breakable,
devastation, ruin, war, — Sebastopol.
Spent the entire afternoon in visiting the ruins of
the forts Nicholas, Paul, and Alexander, (nothing now
but mere heaps of stone,) the Malakoff and the stu-
pendous works of attack and defence, all around the
south side. I suppose so much labor and treasure
and powder and blood were never before spent for
the possession of a single town. The Malakoff is a
fearfully strong looking place. With my ignorance
of military matters I would consider it a much easier
matter to carry the Redan ; however, if you will re-
ceive my opinion implicitly on every thing else, you
may take it for what it is worth in affairs of war.
The Malakoff, like the Redan, is covered with a
wreck of broken cannon, and gun-carriages, and all
kinds of military implements, and so tossed about
and rent in pieces and perverted out of all form and
comeliness, that one might easily imagine it the Mil-
tonic scene of conflict between the holy and the rebel
angels.
198 mr. dunn Browne's
Spent the night in one of the dozen houses in the
place that have a roof still, on a sofa, in a room of
which one corner has been shot away, and having a
hole in the ceiling made by the passage of a ball or
bomb, with just three panes of glass all told in the
windows, (the rest patched out with paper, cloth, and
wood,) and furnished with costly mahogany and rose-
wood articles of various names, bureaus, secreta-
ries, book-cases, etc., all razeed into tables, because
this was a restaurant. Walked about the city again
an hour or two in the morning, then down to Kami-
esch, seven miles, through more camps, (the French
make each camp of theirs a miniature Paris in boards,
with gay cafes, restaurants, and all sorts of shops with
flaming signs,) saw the same town of shanties and
the same crowd of ships as at Balaklava, though
more of the latter, because the harbor is larger ; and
embarked for Constantinople,
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 199
CHAPTER XLIV.
DOWN THE MEDITERRANEAN.
Indited on board the steamer " Thabor," which is
at present rather full, Mr. Browne sleeping upon a
table at night, (strapped on when the sea is very
rough,) eating his breakfast from the same in the
morning, and writing upon it the rest of the day.
The tide of travel is setting very strongly to the west-
ward at the present time in these Mediterranean re-
gions. It is indeed necessary to " submit to circum-
stances " as our philosophical first mate with a flour-
ish of his cigar and a French shrug of his shoul-
ders, remarked to me last night, when I ventured a
gentle remonstrance against being "laid on the table"
instead of in a state-room. What with the three
gentlemen who occupy a similar tabular position
with myself, and the four gentlemen who spread
themselves under the tables, and the five slim gentle-
men who sleep on the narrow cushioned seats which
surround our cabin, and the very fat Turkish gentle-
200 mr. dtjnn browne's
man who covers the remaining space of the floor at
our end of the room, and the three waiters who hud-
dle promiscuously in the pantry among the knives
and forks ; considering also that two of my room
mates snore and a third persists in throwing slippers
and brushes at their heads to wake them, and that
several others are desperately sea-sick, and that the
French officer on my right invariably smokes a cigar
after retiring, and that a young family of teething
children haunts a state-room at my head ; a lively
imagination may assist this unexaggerated sketch in
giving you a tolerable idea of the comforts of travel-
ling at ten dollars a day, as exemplified on the
steamer Thabor down the Mediterranean.
Our deck is encumbered with a regiment or so of
French soldiers, with mustachios and baggy panta-
loons, both of a dirty red. Their officers are a rather
gentlemanly set of fellows, dressed in the " shabby
genteel" style, (which is to be sure quite to be
expected after a campaign in the Crimea,) whose
thoughts are much occupied with eating and drink-
ing, and who hate the English most cordially. I
have been somewhat surprised to find so much ill-
feeling existing everywhere between the Allies. I
don't believe the English and French can thoroughly
like each other. Their union is a mixture of oil and
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 201
water. The Russians, however, who were begin-
ning to come back to Sebastopol, and even down to
Constantinople, when we were there, were received
with open arms by the French. I saw an amusing
scene, just by the ruins of Fort Nicholas, between a
party of French soldiers and some Russians who
were just ready to embark in a boat to return to the
north side after a visit to the ruins of their captured
city. Both parties were most pathetically and affec-
tionately drunk, and the embraces and maudlin pro-
testations of eternal friendship and kisses were
extremely ludicrous. One in a transport of ardor
would throw his arms around the neck of his " brave
ennemi," and the momentum thus imparted would
bring both to the ground, where they would roll
around, kissing and hugging each other, till they
were set on their feet again by their comrades, and
all would walk quietly on till another ebullition of
vinous friendship would bring on another similar
scene. The performances closed with an affectionate
couple's falling into the water and nearly drowning.
But returning from this digression to the Crimea,
I will stop at Constantinople a moment by the way,
to explain the reason for not sending yon that accu-
rate description of St. Sophia at which I hinted in
one of the former chapters. In the first place, I
did 't have time to make the additional visit I
202 mr. dunn browne's
intended, for the purpose of counting the pillars
again and the number of iron bands that had been
placed around to strengthen them, and to measure
the inclination of one which was thrown out of the
perpendicular by an earthquake ; and then again if I
were to let strict accuracy go, and " aggravate " the
description a little, I couldn't possibly tell so large a
story as Murray in his Handbook, who says the
gilded crescent which ornaments its dome is fifty
yards across ; but the main reason perhaps after all,
is that a friend in whose critical judgment I have the
greatest confidence, has recently written me that my
letters would be " more interesting " (which I sup-
pose is polite for " less tiresome,") if I said not so
much about things and something more about per-
sons. So I shall for the future strive to avoid
descriptions and going into transports over fine scen-
ery and such hackneyed nonsense, and devote my-
self more to animate objects, become in short, more
personal, though I hope not more first personal than
in the present epistle at least. You may expect here-
after, such things as the interview I had with King
Otho and Mrs. Otho at Athens, the audience I
expect with His Holiness the Pope, and an interest-
ing sketch of a pimple-faced Italian Count with
whom I lately came in contact, (owing to a lurch
of the ship,) etc. etc.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN * PARTS. 203
CHAPTER XLV.
ATHENS.
" Modern Athens ought to be removed. It is a
very clean, bright, well-built, regular, enterprising
town, and therefore one wouldn't really wish to
see it destroyed, but it certainly ought to be re-
moved. It is dreadfully in the way of ancient
Athens and seriously injures the effect of the old
ruins. If it were a dirty Arab mud village like
those that occupy the sites of ancient cities in
Egypt and Western Asia, where you will see an
exquisite marble column built into the clay wall
of a donkey-stable, and mutilated statues thrust-
ing their broken noses and stumps of arms out
among the rude stones of miserable huts, the thing
wouldn't in that case be so open to criticism, be-
cause barbarism and ruins go naturally enough
together and even heighten each other's effects.
But these prim, smirking, upright, self-conceited,
civilized edifices, all chequered off into parallelo-
204 'mr. dunn browne's
grams, hemming in and crowding upon those
glorious old temples of Greece's golden age, are
an impertinent intrusion of the utilitarian upon
the poetical by no means to be tolerated. It is no
wonder that the graceful structures crumble away
and sink into the earth before such shocking en-
croachments."
The above is a portion of a philippic delivered
on the eighteenth of April last, by Mr. Browne
from the very bema where Demosthenes used to
thunder against the enemies of his country. The
audience in the case mentioned, was of the kind
usually spoken of as " select rather than numerous,"
consisting of a few Yankee friends occupying the
steps below the orator, a group of gentle Athenian
maidens (barefooted) in the distance, and nearer at
hand two huge peasants who were shearing a don-
key, together with the donkey himself, which latter
auditor caused the speaker to conclude his remarks
rather hastily, by the strong symptoms of a bray
which appeared on his countenance, whether of ap-
probation or otherwise could not be ascertained.
Mr. B. has roamed over the Acropolis by moon-
light, and felt poetical emotions in reference to the
Parthenon, the Temple of Theseus and that of
Olympian Jove, but refrains from a description
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 205
under the impression that there is one somewhere
already extant.
Having heard any quantity of frightful accounts
of the banditti in these regions, and learning that
about a dozen were still lurking in the caves of
Mt. Pentelicus, ten miles from Athens, our party
of six Yankees took horses (and plenty of revolvers),
for an excursion to the summit of that mountain,
on the day after our arrival. Saw plenty of* robbers,
if looks can convict a man, but as every one of them
was engaged (for a pretence probably) in some
peaceful occupation, such as attending sheep or
hoeing cabbages, we did not feel justified in shooting
any, and returned adventureless, having repeated
the old performance of going up a hill and coming
down again. The magnificent view of the plain
and bay of Marathon, the straits of Salamis, and
Attica with its lovely coast and islands adjacent,
pays for the journey, however, if you don't bag a
single bandit.
King Otho and Mrs. Otho bowed very politely
to us, as we met in the street about five o'clock,
but unfortunately were not at home the next day
when we called at the palace, and our acquaintance
remains very limited. We went over the huge
palace though, which is much finer than one would
206 mr. dunn Browne's
expect of such a sort of fourth-rate king, and has a
garden attached which is fit for a firstrate king, or
an emperor, or a president of the United States.
The king dresses in the fall Albanian costume, but
the queen in the Parisian. He is slight, she is very
plump. He is a Catholic and she a Protestant, and
their subjects being of the Greek church, certainly
religious toleration ought to be the result of so many
different* opinions. The royal pair are patrons of
a sort of orphan asylum in their own palace, sup-
porting and educating thirty or forty bright looking
children of both sexes, whom we saw gathered into
one of the great rooms, practising vocal music, un-
der the care of their teachers.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 207
CHAPTER XLVI.
QUARANTINE.
Naples Harbor, April 26th. — After making the
whole tour of the Mediterranean, (at least that
part of it which is generally considered the worst,)
without let or hinderance, except that which arose
from the fact that every French steamer has been
behind time save one, (which we missed in conse-
quence,) here we are brought up at last against a
ten days' quarantine imposed by the enlightened
and liberal Neapolitan government, although our
ship has a clean bill of health and there isn't a
particle of epidemic or fever or any thing conta-
gious at Malta, Constantinople, Athens, Smyrna, or
any of the Eastern ports from which we come. And
we must shut ourselves up in a prison (literally
true) ten days in this hot weather without even
permission to take an hour's row on the bay, or go
through the farce of sailing three or four hundred
miles up the coast to Leghorn and coming directly
208 mr. dunn browne's
back again by a return steamer, consuming a week's
time and fifty dollars. I am utterly disgusted with
the whole arrangement, and consider the Egyptians
and Turks a civilized and well-behaved people com-
pared with the Italians. Naples is a dirty-looking
old town, the celebrated bay quite an ordinary affair,
and Vesuvius itself only a large sized coal-pit.
Naples, one week later.— When not seen through
the spectacles of quarantine this is truly a most
charming city, the bay, with its lovely islands and
beautiful circle of towns, all that its most enthusiastic
admirers ever claimed in its behalf, and Vesuvius as
fine an old mountain as ever spoiled its digestion by
falling into the bad habit of smoking. Enjoyed our
trip up and down the coast of Italy as well as could
be expected considering the frame of mind we were
in. Stopped all day at every place, for which I
could see no reason, as we held no other than oral
intercourse with the shore, except by little billets
carried in fumigated tin boxes. At Civita Vecchia
we found the beautiful United States steamer
Saranac lying at anchor. One of our American
passengers, wishing to do the polite towards his
countrymen, sent his servant to hail the Saranac,
and inform the officers that he had late United
States newspapers which were very much at their
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 209
service. The servant, who was a Maltese and did n't
speak much English, of course blundered with his
message, and the lieutenant of the Saranac, think-
ing that some American citizen in distress wished
his assistance, dons his most splendid unifqrm, girds
on his longest sword, orders out his largest boat, (of
sixteen or twenty oars,) and with a couple of dozen
brave tars comes to the rescue. In answer to his
hail our friend is obliged to appear on the quarter-
deck, and explain matters, (at the top of his voice,)
finds that the Saranac can't receive his newspapers
without being put in quarantine thereby, and more-
over that there are on board papers of some five or
six days' later date. So you see politeness, though
an admirable virtue, is sometimes a little trouble-
some, and like roast beef should n't be overdone.
Arrived at Leghorn at five o'clock, A. M., and
found that a fast steamer was to leave at twelve for
Naples and run through in a day. Rejoiced very
greatly at the opportunity, but found we were quite
too fast in our calculations, for we could by no means
be permitted to go from one vessel to the other,
(they were along-side,) but must first land, for which;
our permission arrived on board at half past ten, and
for this permission we paid one dollar each ; then,
we were obliged to search out the police office, and
14
210 mr. dunn Browne's
wait in a crowd till two lazy officials could select
our passports and give them up to us, and then go to
another part of the city for the vise of the Neapoli-
tan consul, for which we paid one and a half dollars
each, angl then returning on board, we found ourselves
too late for the steamer, and were forced to disembark
our goods and chattels, take them through the cus-
tom-house and settle ourselves in a hotel two or
three days, waiting for the next steamer. There is
nothing like paying a due respect to forms. The
custom-house officers here have very sharp noses for
the scent of tobacco, as one of our company, who
was taking a few pounds of nice Turkish home to
his father, found to his cost. But a poor little
Frenchman, more unfortunate still, besides losing a
hundred cigars which he showed, was fined five dol-
lars because he said there was no tobacco in his
trunk, and on opening it two solitary Havanas,
which he had forgotten, were found lying on the top.
Leghorn is &free port, very.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 211
CHAPTER XLVII,
RETROSPECTIVE FROM THE ETERNAL CITY.
Being at Rome, I shall now proceed to write you
a little about Naples, just as at Naples I gave you a
bit of a sketch of our sea adventures, and on a
steamer wrote you a letter from Athens, and at
Athens one from Constantinople, etc. I shall en-
deavor to overtake myself as soon as possible, so as
to be able to give a contemporaneous history of
events, yet this writing a little behind the time is
not without its advantages, especially in point of
brevity, one can forget so much in a week or two ;
moreover it gives a little more room for the imagina-
tion to exercise itself.
Of course it will be necessary to say a word or
two about the weather first of all. As it is gener-
ally admitted that Naples has the finest climate in
the world, it must be true. It is also true that in
the first half of the month of May, 1856, there were
in Naples only two days which were not rainy, and
212 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
only one clear enough to make a pleasant ascent of
Vesuvius. These two statements being both true
cannot be contradictory, therefore I have not said
any thing prejudicial to the character of the " Italian
skies," and cannot be accused of grumbling in this
chapter at least. The next thing to be spoken of in
Naples, you will doubtless expect to be, the Laz-
zaroni, but as no amount of search enabled me to
find any, that topic must needs be passed over.
Vesuvius also shall go unnoticed, because he has ob-
stinately persisted in postponing, till after our depart-
ure, the eruption which he has promised ever since
the new crater was formed four months ago. He
did give us a fine view, however, of the bay and its
circumjacent towns, and it was worth something to
stand round the edge of the crater and see the huge
masses of earth crack off almost under our very feet,
and go rumbling and thundering down into the bot-
tomless pit, that sent up its sulphurous fumes into
our faces, and flashed occasionally up from its black
depths a demon smile of flame, that absolutely star-
tled us, and suggested the idea of very unpleasant
company nearer than was quite agreeable to contem-
plate, standing on such treacherous foundations. I
thought of the passage of Scripture about the
wicked, " Their feet shall slide in due time," and
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 213
thenceforth gave the crater a wide berth. We did
some rather " tall walking " in our descent. A long
Yankee that accompanied us made twelve steps, I
think, from top to bottom.
Herculaneum is a very 'damp cellar of long narrow
passages, where you see occasionally fragments of
ancient brick walls, and fall down the slippery steps
of the old theatre. But Pompeii does n't disappoint
you at all. You see precisely what you expect, one
half a city buried fifteen feet deep, with orchards,
gardens, and vineyards flourishing over it, and the
other half, from which this earthen cover has been
lifted, lying roofless and desolate, like a sacked and
captured town. The resemblance to Sebastopol
struck me at every step. Widen the streets a little,
and sprinkle a thousand tons of cannon balls over it,
and you would need stop and think, to say which
was which. One walks dreamily and in a moral-
izing mood about old Pompeii and always wants to
come again.
The only truly beautiful ruins, however, anywhere
in the vicinity of Naples, are, as everybody knows or
ought to know, (if they have ever read the infallible,
indispensable, and interminable Murray,) at Paestum,
fifty miles down the coast. Our getting there was a
specimen of Italian travelling of which I would like
214 mr. DUNisr Browne's
to give you a sketch, but the time which has since
elapsed has dimmed the vividness of the impressions.
I recollect that it rained hard all the time, that we
came at last to a river so rapid and swollen that the
large ferry-boat could not cross with our carriage, and
we were told that we must turn back. That word
" must " not being very palatable to a party of the
"free and enlightened" we declared we wouldn't go
back, and left our guide, who was afraid to cross, to
take care of our team, while we chartered a skiff half
full of water and bare-legged boatmen, crossed the
stream in safety, mustered up bad Italian enough
to make a bargain with some bad Italians on the
other side, engaged another carriage and saw Paes-
tum at last, rain and rivers to the contrary notwith-
standing. Returned to Naples triumphant, but
dreadfully wet; took a bath, (rather an unnecessary
operation you may say,) and such a dinner as I wish
you had been at the Cafe Europa to share with us.
The next day, not feeling exactly in the mood for
ordinary sight-seeing, we went to see the grand mira-
cle, whose annual recurrence secures the prosperity
of the city. The blood of St. Januarius, the patron
of Naples, dried and clotted on to the inner surface
of two little bottles, once a year, in answer to the
prayers of the faithful, becomes liquid and flows as
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 215
readily as if freshly drawn. The miracle was suc-
cessful, this year, to the eyes of all good Catholics,
but for myself, not having the eye of faith, I couldn't
see that any change had been effected. If those who
have the most interest in such things are satisfied,
however, we outsiders need n't find any fault. But
bssides one or two miracles, I saw also, at Naples
and in some of the towns in its vicinity, a great
many other rare and curiQus things, fragments of
nearly all the Apostles, the whole of several of the
early martyrs, and even duplicate heads of St. An-
drew, several teeth of the Virgin Mary and three
hairs (all of different colors) from her head, pieces of
the true cross, parts of the crown of thorns, etc.,
etc.
The museums of Naples are among the things
that must be seen and that can't be described.
Among the acres of bad pictures, nearly the only
one that I recollect is Domenichino's " Guardian
Angel" extending his wings over a little confiding
child, (Innocence,) to guard against the Evil Spirit
who is creeping near, with malice in his eye and a
pitchfork in his hand, to attack the little fellow.
Among the sculptures the group of the Farnese Bull
is the most magnificent marble story I have ever
216 mr. dunn browne's
read. The Herculaneum and Pompeii objects are
more interesting than can be believed without seeing,
but the kitchen utensils are not so valuable as I had
supposed, most of the copper kettles and basins hav-
ing holes worn through the bottom.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 217
CHAPTER XL.VIII-
IN A VETTURA.
His Lordship, the very Reverend Bishop of Cork,
two young Irish priests with an O at the beginning
of their names, one rather fast young gentleman
from Hartford who delights in coming out in a white
suit on all the sunshiny days, another somewhat
staid young American from North Carolina who re-
fuses to walk with the above-mentioned gentleman
in white, on account of the attention which his sin-
gularity of dress attracts, and your correspondent,
started from Naples early on the morning of Tues-
day, May 13th, to perform the journey to Rome in a
Vettura, a rather heavy, awkwardly made coach,
with seats for four inside and two in the coupe in
front. His Reverence and your humble servant
being the extremes of the party as regards size, our
Vetturino, who has an Italian eye to the fitness and
harmony of things, very naturally requested us to
occupy a seat together ; and certainly if three hun-
218 mr. dunn browne's
dred weight of bishop can ever be agreeable on the
same seat in a hot carriage in June, this was one of
the instances. He is as learned and well informed
and courteous as he is large, endured all the hard-
ships of the trip with exemplary cheerfulness, fasted
strictly one whole day in the dust and heat, accord-
ing to the rules of his church, and on the whole he
and his two young companions are the most liberal
Catholic priests I have yet met with. We discussed
some of the points of difference with the utmost free-
dom, especially in reference to the unrestricted circu-
lation of the Scriptures among the people, a very
dangerous liberty according to their reverences,
whose evil effects are especially apparent in the
United States, in the great variety of perverse and
conflicting sects who are perpetually disputing over
that Bible which is thus injudiciously put into their
hands, to become only a weapon of controversy. It
was also gently hinted that by our own erroneous
interpretation of some passages quoted in the course
of the conversation we furnished an argument on
their side of the question. But we refused to ac-
knowledge the force of that argument, considering
that the interpretation of three of the u free and en-
lightened " is quite as valuable any day as that of
three Irishmen. In other matters we differed very
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 219
little, save, perhaps, in regard to the Pope's domin-
ions being the very best governed portion of the
world. Our friends in black robes promised to obtain
an audience with His Holiness for us, if we wished,
but learning that a court-dress would be necessary,
(or if not a court-dress at least a dress that not one
of us had on our return from the East,) and having
been brought up from our infancy to consider kissing
the Pope's toe as an indispensable part of the cere-
mony, we declined the honor.
As we approached the Eternal City the people
grew better looking, and I think I have never seen
a finer, more robust and noble-looking race than the
sunburned peasant men and especially peasant wo-
men in some of the districts between Naples and
Rome. These latter, (i. e. the women,) usually wear
a silver bodkin nearly a foot in length, thrust through
the mass of raven locks which is tumbled up rather
promiscuously at the back of their heads. I can only
conjecture whether this is a mere matter of ornament,
or of defence, or to show that they are ready to imi-
tate the example of the great Lucretia of old, at a
moment's warning, without having to hunt up a
dagger. All the peasant girls wear rather costly
neck ornaments of gold or coral, and those who can
afford it wear also shoes, but these latter are a rare
luxury, and as for stockings I doubt if I saw on an
220 mr. dunn browne's
average a pair in a day's ride. Oar trip occupied
three days, all which I greatly enjoyed except the
meal hours and the nights. The reason for this im-
portant exception might be given, but I dare not
trust my feelings to speak on the subject as yet.
Believe me, there are things in Italian travelling which
are not down in the books. If a person has the
temper of an angel, the purse of a nabob, the stom-
ach of an ostrich, the skin of a rhinoceros, is not
pressed for time and has not the sense of smell, I see
no reason why he should not enjoy a leisurely tour
over the whole of this most beautiful land. But as
your humble servant is endowed only with the first
of the above-mentioned qualifications, the agreeable
reminiscences are slightly mingled with others.
Still since the great works of art which Napoleon
very sensibly and justifiably carried away to a more
comfortable country, have been brought back, why
there is no use talking. One must come to Italy
through all ingenious obstacles wiiich the inhabitants
and the governments have devised to render him un-
comfortable. In obedience to this necessity, there-
fore, this present epistle dates itself from Rome,
from which place at least a hundred other epistles
would need to emanate, to express all Mr. B.'s im-
pressions upon the art, architecture, and ruins, but
there is a possibility that he may abridge a little.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 221
CHAPTER X L I X.
HERETICAL VIEWS ON THE SUBJECT OF RUINS.
All the ruins of Rome, with the exception of two
or three arches and stray columns in the vicinity of
the Forum, and perhaps also the Pantheon, besides
the tremendous, magnificent exception of the Colise-
um, aren't worth an old brick-kiln, and if they were
not in Rome and people were not so desperately
afraid of being convicted of a want of taste, this
undoubted fact would be more generally acknowl-
edged. But with this fear before their eyes and sev-
eral books full of printed admiration under their
arms, people go stumbling about old shapeless
masses of tottering brickwork with a few weeds
growing out of the clefts, down into damp vaults
covered with green slime over, under, and around
what might be the ruins of a decayed machine-shop
or a disused railway station, and merely because
these crumbling heaps of building material are dig-
nified with the names " Hadrian's Villa," " Baths of
222 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
Titus," " Palace of the Cassars," etc., not one dare
whisper to his neighbor his real thoughts, but all vie
with each other in hypocritical rhapsodies and pretty-
interjections; nothing but ecstacies and exclamation-
points from beginning to end ; and then go home
with torn boots and soiled dresses and a bad cold, a
judgment no doubt for their disingenuousness and
lack of moral courage. Of all humbugs deliver me
from these tiresome, trumpery, old, brick and stucco
humbugs of ancient ruins.
There is enough in Rome that is beautiful, in her
exhaustless treasures of art and of architecture too,
in the unrivalled glories of St. Peter's and many
other living buildings, and in a few mutilated frag-
ments of her departed grandeur, without educating
one's reluctant taste into an admiration of things,
that are not admirable, just because they are old and
moss-covered and weed-grown. There is enough
that is beautiful and interesting and wonderful to
see in Rome and it takes you a long time to see it.
If there happens to be a masterpiece of painting in
any church in the city, it is morally certain to have
a green curtain over it, (the withdrawing of which is
a perquisite of the sexton,) and it is equally certain
to be just the commencement of service when you
arrive, so that it is impossible for you to see it and
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 223
you must come again. I have spent all my leisure
time for a fortnight in going to the church of St.
Augustine to see Raphael's Fresco of Isaiah, pur-
posely choosing different and out of the way hours
so as to avoid service. But it is of no use. The
old organ is always going as if it had never a stop
to it, the monotonous drone of the priests perpetually
salutes me at my entrance. I know every ring of
that everlasting old faded green curtain, but can
never prevail upon the solemn-visaged sacristan to
withdraw it, and have never had a glimpse of the
Prophet underneath.
But if it takes considerable time to finish up the
sight-seeing of the Eternal City, you are easily rec-
onciled to the slowness of the process, for a more
comfortable place to live in would be hard to find.
Quarters fit for a prince, not beyond the purse of
the poorest traveller, all the necessaries of life cheap
and abundant, the noblest works of art, the very
most beautiful things in the whole world, to be seen
every day, the finest of languages uttered by the
most melodious of voices ever within hearing, and
the most select society of your own nation, (what-
ever that nation happens to be,) accessible to you,
certainly I know many more disagreeable places to
be detained in than Rome.
224 ME. DUNN BROWNE'S
Let us see, what have we done to-day ? A rather
miscellaneous day's work I think. First, the church
of the Capuchins, where we saw the famous " Mi-
chael, the Archangel, crushing Satan," of Guido,
and then went down into the cellar-cemetery of the
monks, where their bones are piled up in regular
order on shelves and labelled, occupying a series of
rooms extending under the whole church. I asked
the young friar who accompanied us if he too would
get in there at last. He smiled faintly, and echoed
back the syllables " at last." Then we went to the
Spada Palace and saw the statue of Pompey, at
whose base " great Csesar fell " and the Colonna
Palace, where the gallery is much finer than any
of the pictures in it, where we noticed a painting
of " Christ preaching to the spirits in prison," in
which a woman was represented with a lapdog in
her arm. So, according to that artist, one doesn't
have to leave all his possessions behind him when
he goes out of this world. And then we rode out
of the city and went into the Catacombs and into
the city again and called at Crawford's studio, ad-
mired his spirited group, "America," of which we
saw only casts, ♦ as the originals have departed to
adorn the Capitol at Washington, also two figures of
the unfinished Richmond monument, Patrick Henry
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 225
and Thomas Jefferson, both excellent. Last of all we
went to St. Peter's to hear the music at Vespers,
and wander about in the solemn twilight amidst the
arches and under the dome of that grandest of
temples " made with hands." I said last of all, but
no, the last and perhaps the best of all was the
Coliseum by moonlight, the huge relic of Rome's
greatness and her barbarism, silent now, but once
resounding with the shouts of one hundred and fifty
thousand human monsters applauding the brute
monsters who tore one another or helpless Christians,
perhaps, on the bloody arena. Now stands the cross
in. the centre of that arena where thousands of its
followers have fallen martyrs to their faith.
About like this is our usual day's work in Rome.
One great Festival has occurred during our stay,
Corpus Christi, when the pope and all the cardi-
nals and bishops arrayed in gold and scarlet and
fine linen, and troops of barefooted friars equally
proud in their coarse woollen frock and hempen
girdle, and hundreds of portly priests in robes of
black, with book and candle, walked in stately pro-
cession round the porticos in front of St. Peters, and
thousands upon thousands, crowds upon crowds,
acres upon acres of people poured into that vast
building to receive the pope's benediction. Then
15
226 mr. dunn browne's
first did I begin to get some idea of the size of that
wonderful structure, when I saw those throngs that
filled the streets of a great city, all flowing as it
were rivers into that great sea, and found that there
was still room, that there were great vacant spaces,
that I could walk freely every where, and could find
no jostling or interference or any appearance of a
crowd in any part.
The pope himself was borne on men's shoulders,
kneeling on a cushion before a little table on which
stood a crucifix of gold, his hands clasped as if in
prayer. He is a good and venerable looking man,
and an ornament to any procession.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 227
CHAPTER L.
FLORENCE, THE BEAUTIFUL.
If you come to Florence to stop more than a few
days, don't go to a stupid hotel and pay two dollars
a day, but go right to housekeeping, and have all
the fun of a home of your own, besides saving a
dollar a day to buy mosaics for your female relatives.
Why, here are five of us who occupy a suite of apart-
ments looking forth upon the Arno, on the aristo-
cratic first floor, with four front windows and a
balcony, two parlors, a dining saloon, each of us a
bedroom, one or two bath-rooms and a kitchen
which we don't occupy, all furnished in the most
costly and tasteful manner, with a grand piano and
plenty of rosewood and damask all about us, and
for the whole, including the service, (which is per-
formed by a rather tidy young woman with one
eye, who limps a little,) we pay a quarter of a dollar
each per day. Then for breakfast we drop into the
magnificent cafe* Doney, the very best coffee-house
228 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
in the whole world, and have the most delightful
coffee or chocolate and rolls and eggs and a bit of
steak, and you will hardly be able to order so extrava-
gant a breakfast as to cost more than twelve or fif-
teen cents, and eight will commonly be enough.
From three to five o'clock, according to circum-
stances, we dine, either at a restaurant or in our own
rooms, and have an abundant dinner of three or
four courses for less than fifty cents, so you can have
a cup of tea in the evening and an ice when it is
warm and yet come easily within a dollar a day.
Florence is another of those pleasant places where
one wishes to stay weeks and months, and enjoy
the pleasant climate, and ride and drive about the
beautiful suburbs, and lounge frequently and leisurely
into the magnificent galleries of art, and take time
to get thoroughly acquainted with the " Venus de
Medici " and Guercino's " Sybil," and the hundred
other masterpieces that adorn the " Tribune" of the
" Ufficii," and the Pitti Palace. Beautiful things
and beautiful places ought to be looked at leisurely
and many times, that they may feed our taste,
make our sense of the beautiful grow within us and
do us that good they are intended to do.
We have enjoyed our visits to the artist's studios
very much indeed. Powers' " America " is one of
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 229
the finest statues in the world of modern art, and
has more life and spirit, and glory about it, than a
dozen Greek slaves and Eves. Mr. Hart, from Ken-
tucky, has a curious machine to take measurements
for busts and copies, which he says, saves about
two thirds the labor, and increases the accuracy,
whose method of operating he showed to us, nearly
putting out our eyes in the process, with the needles
that are used for taking the "points." He has an
excellent bust of Mr. Fillmore, made in this way
in a few days, from one or two sittings. I was very
much interested in seeing an unfinished statue in
one of the workshops, where a most lovely female
head, all perfect and complete, was rising, so to
speak, out of a rough, shapeless block of marble,
the ideal of the artist effecting its escape from
its hard prison of stone.
A very pretty institution about Florence is the
flower girls, who go about the streets every morn-
ing, and into the cafes where you are at breakfast,
giving you a cheerful "good morning" and a sweet
nosegay of fragrant flowers. There is n't any bar-
gain and sale about the thing. You slip a piece of
money occasionally into her hand as your liberality
prompts you, (I never saw one of them ask for
money,) and she supplies you regularly, and if your
230 mr. dunn Browne's
gifts are generous, will occasionally bring you a
regular beauty of a bouquet for your " inamorata."
There is a faded, old-fashioned, passed-away
splendor about the old ducal palace and the ca-
thedral with its attendant buildings in Florence,
as well as those of Pisa which is indescribably
affecting. You somehow feel tenderly towards
them, walk softly over the crumbling pavements,
speak low under the venerable arches, that you may
not disturb the sleeping echoes, you are shocked
to hear conceited visitors make flippant, disparag-
ing remarks about them, you would as soon think
of criticizing your grandmother's shroud at her
funeral, you dislike even to read books of descrip-
tion of them, it seems an irreverent curiosity to
examine too minutely into their details, but you
love to walk in and around them and meditate,
you feel kindly in that atmosphere, indisposed to
fret and grumble, and really get into a more ami-
able frame of mind, the longer you remain in
their presence, or write about them or even read
of them. Don't you ? The interior of the vast
old cathedral at Florence, is so severe in its sim-
plicity and entire freedom from ornament, that you
would hardly think yourself in a Roman Catholic
fane, but rather in a huge puritan meeting-house.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 231
CHAPTER LI.
THE BIRTH-PLACE OF COLUMBUS.
[Mr. B. falls into financial difficulties, and attempts to go third
class in a Sardinian steamboat.]
Scene — Steamer Office.
Mr. B., (in a prompt business way,) " One ticket
third class to Genoa." Agent, (after a scrutinizing
glance at the exterior of Mr. B.,) " Can't be done, sir."
Mr. B., (expostulatingly,) " What do you mean, sir ?
Why do you advertise third class tickets and then
refuse to sell them ? " Agent, (explanatorily,)
" We do sell them, sir, but you are not the sort of a
person to go third class." Mr. B., (indignantly,)
" Can't I judge for myself what passage to take ? "
Agent, (blandly,) " Not at all, we sell third class tick-
ets only to sailors and servants." Mr. B., " Well,
then, I am a servant." Agent, (a little taken aback,)
" What is the name of your master ? Does he go on
the same boat ? " Mr. B., " My master at present is
Necessity. I rather think he goes along with me."
232 mr. dunn Browne's
Agent, (perceiving the joke,) "Monsieur Necessity is
not booked for this trip, and the servant must always
accompany his master, so you can't go in that capac-
ity you see." Mr. B., finding that steamboat com-
panies have no bowels, reluctantly drags out his
last Napoleon from the shrunken recesses of his ex-
hausted purse, pays for a second class ticket, and
wonders how much of a breakfast he can get in
Genoa for the franc and a half change he receives.
Genoa is a city of bookbinders and the very para-
dise of bill-stickers. There is here no defence against
paste. Every wall, house, palace, and shop is cov-
ered with notices, advertisements, all sorts of hand-
bills. The palaces of this " city of palaces " are
shams mostly, nothing but an imposing front and
magnificent staircase. Recollecting that there ought
to be some autograph letters of Columbus to be seen
somewhere in Genoa, proceeded to make inquiries
w T hich became at last rather extensive and resulted
in the statistical facts, that there are probably in all
five Genoese who have heard of Christopher Colum-
bus, one of whom is the proprietor of the " Hotel of
the Great Columbus," and another of the " Cafe Co-
lumbus ; " that three persons in the city have heard
of the letters and assigned to me three distinct
places of deposit for them, all which I visited inef-
EXPERIENCES IN" FOREIGN PARTS. 233
fectually, but did at last find them in a palace where
the porter had twice sent me away with the most
strenuous denial of their existence. They are in
Spanish, very legible, and have recently been placed
under glass, because a gentleman from Boston tore
off and carried away a corner of one of them.
Here I ought to mention the most remarkable and
astonishing incident that ever'occurred in the whole
range of my experience. The custodian- of those let-
ters deliberately and decisively refused the two francs
fee I offered him for showing them to me ! And he
manifested no other evidence of derangement either.
The people of Genoa seem the busiest of all races?
especially in contrast with the lazy Italians and
Turks whom we have been accustomed to see for
the last few months. They make velvets and silk
goods, oceans of books, vast quantities of cabinet
furniture, and iron bedsteads enough for all the
world to sleep upon, as well as enough to keep all
the world awake with the clatter of making them.
The women are not so universally black-eyed as in
the rest of Italy, dress somewhat plainly, but wear
a very neat and graceful headdress consisting of a
simple breadth of white lace thrown over the head
and falling about the shoulders.
234 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
P. S. — Mr. B. has relieved himself from the pecu-
niary difficulties above referred to, after the manner
of most of the great European Powers, by negotiat-
ing a loan.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 235
CHAPTER LI I.
THE NIGHT DILIGENCE.
Probably you have all of you a more or less definite
idea of the meaning of the word "frontier," but if
you wish to go into all its niceties, to get a realizing
sense of its length, breadth, and depth, you must
come to Italy. Here is the Italian for " Crossing- a
Frontier"
The Diligence which left Turin (I should say No-
vara, which is connected with Turin by railway,) at
nine, P. M., is rolling sluggishly along over the mac-
adamized road. The six inside passengers, whereof
your correspondent is (a corner) one, are coiled up in
various uncomfortable positions, trying to unite to-
gether little broken naps into a connected sleep. A
cloud of pulverized stone is depositing itself in gray
strata over the persons of the slumbering travellers,
settling in their hair and whiskers, filling up the
wrinkles, drifting into the corners of the eyes and
mouth, titillating the nasal passages, gradually chok-
236 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
ing Dp the air-vessels in the lungs, and diffusing it-
self generally along with the atmosphere. Suddenly,
all these interesting processes are suspended by the
coach's stopping in front of a low, black building,
recognizable at once by an old traveller as a custom-
house. The everlasting policeman calls for the ever-
lasting passports, and the conductor requests the pas-
sengers to descend, and descend we accordingly do,
coughing, spitting, and choking with the avalanches
of dust which take that opportunity to descend also
from our coats and hats. Ladders are placed against
the sides of the huge diligence, porters mount and
bring down all our sacks, trunks, portmanteaus, and
bandboxes, not forgetting to ask a " buono mano,"
which is the Italian for " backsheesh," from each one
of us for the operation. Then the baggage all goes
into a large room, on one side of a great bench, and
we on the other, every thing is unlocked, rummaged,
re-locked and packed again on the top of the Dili-
gence, the porters not forgetting to ask you for
another " buono mano " for putting it up again.
Then we are marched off in Indian file to the pass-
port room, and one by one, answering to our names,
(dreadfully mispronounced,) receive back the docu-
ments with the small charge of four francs attached
to each. " For what?" ask we. " Oh, for the per-
EXPERIENCES IN EOEEIGN PARTS. 237
mission to leave Sardinia, the vise of the Minister of
Foreign Affairs." " Ah, the Minister of Foreign Af-
fairs lives here in this little frontier town, does he,
and sits up till one o'clock at night to attend to our
passes? " " No, he lives at Turin, but has an agent
here." " All right, happy to pay any reasonable
amount for the privilege of leaving your blessed coun-
try," exclaimed my friend in the opposite corner, who
wasn't apt to be in a very amiable frame of mind
when broken of his rest, and we rolled on in a cloud
of entirely new dust, evincing by its taste a totally
different geological formation of the country we were,
entering from that we nad just left.
But scarcely had the grumblings of my irritable
friend ceased, as his head subsided again into the
dusty cushions, when, lo ! the coach draws up for the
second time before a long, low building, the very
counterpart of the other, and the demand for pass-
ports is renewed by a policeman in a dress of differ-
ent and still uglier pattern. " What," exclaimed my
friend, starting to his feet in a theatrical manner,
" must I go over this confounded performance again,
in my dreams ? " Having enlightened him as to the
precise state of the case, and succeeded at last in
fully waking him, we descended, and composedly
went through the examination of selves, passes, and
238 ME. DUNN BEOWNE'S
baggage for entering Austrian Lombardy, in the
same manner as we had already done for leaving
Sardinian Piedmont. When the officer asked me if
I had any thing subject to duty among my effects, I
showed him the little carpet bag weighing eight
pounds which had formed my only " impedimenta "
for six months, and told him I really didn't know
whether shirts were dutiable in the Austrian domin-
ions or not, but there were three which had been ex-
amined thirteen times within a few weeks, and he
was welcome to inspect them again. He smiled as
he told me I need n't trouble myself to unlock, and
passed on.
Now this little sketch of frontier experience is
only a simple, unexaggerated, every-day incident of
travel in Italy, — examination to go out of and to go
into every separate state, if it isn't larger than an Il-
linois corn field. And the trouble and expense incur-
red in the capitals in the way of vise's and police ex-
penses is far greater than at the frontiers. Already
has my poor passport cost me twenty-five dollars in
six weeks' Italian experience, a sum considerably
greater than I have yet contributed in taxes to my
own government. But perhaps we ought not to
grudge to these poverty-stricken Italian governments
one of their chief sources of revenue.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 239
CHAPTER LI II.
ON FOOT AMONG THE ALPS.
Sivitzerland, July, 1856.
You may think this is so small and insignificant
a country that the above is quite a definite location
for the date of a letter, but after walking over its
hills and mountains a couple of weeks, as I have
done, you would change your mind, and conclude
that Switzerland is a land of respectable size after
all. Indeed, my only reason for not being more
precise in dating is that I have really forgotten
exactly where I am when inditing this epistle, so
long a time has since elapsed, for though I am ap-
parently here and now, yet as a matter of fact I
am away down in Holland, and in the latter part
of next week. Hoping that this somewhat meta-
physical explanation may be perfectly satisfactory,
I proceed to remark that the reason why Switzer-
land occupies no larger space on the map, is prob-
ably the same which led the Scotchman to assert
240 mr. dunn browne's
that his own country was larger than England, if
it were only flattened out. This country is so folded
and wrinkled up like the hide of a rhinoceros that,
of course, it does n't get its rights among the family
of nations. I hope that when the Great Powers
" revise the map of Europe," as they have so often
threatened to do of late, they will bear this in mind,
and not crowd Switzerland into a mere little red
daub between great yellow France and blue Austria,
as has hitherto been done.
The experiences of your correspondent amidst
the Alps have not been very remarkable, save that,
of course, every clay he has walked it has rained
hard, and every day he has proceeded by diligence
it hasn't rained at all, but been quite hot and dusty.
The "order of our going," during our recent pedes-
trian excursion of ten or twelve days, over the .prin-
cipal mountain passes, has been something on this
wise. First advances our forlorn hope, the Professor,
with enthusiasm in his eye, and a stick cut from the
top of Parnassus in his hand, (which stick he is
perpetually dropping and picking up,) with unflag-
ging step, and unfailing cheerfulness, with an eye for
every picturesque view, an ear for each echo of the
Alpine horn, and a handful of coppers for every
beggar that accosts him. Deeming it his duty to be
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 241
romantic, at least this once in his life, he conscien-
tiously goes into ecstacies over every glacier, scru-
pulously makes the appropriate quotations at the sub-
lime points of view, hears the roar of an avalanche
in every thunder crash, looks sharp for a chamois on
each projecting crag, and sees a William Tell in
every mountain shepherd boy.
Next, with alert step and beaming countenance,
with a quotation from Byron or a scrap of song
on his lips, bearing a huge Alpenstock, to which he
pertinaciously clings under some insane notion that
the heavy thing assists him in climbing, comes our
youthful Richard. He sports an unexceptionable
moustache, is our oracle on all matters of dress, and
gives very liberally to the little maidens who lie in
wait for us at every corner to sing the " Ranz des
vaches." He has a habit of occasionally indulging
in a "quiet laugh," which can be easily heard at a dis-
tance of three miles, and fully intends to purchase an
umbrella if the rain does n't cease within a fortnight.
Last of all, under a slouched hat which the Pro-
fessor has at last, after repeated controversy, ac-
knowledged to be a worse looking tile than his own,
appears your veritable historian, bringing up the
rear with plodding steps, caring little for the pelting
of the rain upon his own person, but watching as a
16
242 mr. dunn browne's
mother for an infant over the safety of a small packet
of provisions which he refuses to intrust to any-
other care, stopping occasionally to pluck a dande-
lion, (of which he has an extensive collection gathered
in various quarters of the world,) delighting at times
in getting before his companions by a short cut, so
as to sit down quietly on a stone, and enjoy their
astonishment on coming up, rejoicing especially to
get to the end of the day's journey, and, if the
truth must be told, not quite able to perceive the
amusement of walking thirty miles a day in the
rain.
The Professor is classical, Richard is poetical, and
Mr. Browne is decidedly practical. When we pass
along the base of a perpendicular Alpine peak of
granite, Richard calls it a cloud-capped giant, the
Professor terms it one of nature's grand old Gothic
cathedrals, — while to Mr. Browne's matter-of-fact
eyes it is just a great stone mountain.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 243
CHAPTER LIV.
INDEPENDENCE AMONG THE CLOUDS.
Summit of Rigi, July 4, 1856.
Now mind, I don't wish to be understood at all
as attempting to disparage clouds, in a general way.
They are exceedingly poetical, no doubt, floating in
the blue ether over our heads, of a summer's day,
or in a storm, forming the dark background for the
lightning's fiery pictures. They are also not only
ornamental but useful occasionally, in shielding us
from the burning rays of the sun, hot days, and on
rainy days, in promoting the growth of vegetables,
as well as the sale of umbrellas.
But when you come up into the region of clouds,
and can't see, feel, or taste any thing but cloud ;
when you are soaked, drenched, completely satu-
rated with cloud ; are compelled to eat cloud, drink
cloud, breathe cloud ; thick cloud shutting off all
prospect from your eyes and all hope from your
heart ; cold cloud chilling the very marrow of your
244 mr. dunk - browne's
bones, and standing in clammy drops on your brow;
intrusive cloud that will not be shut out of your
room by double windows, which forms a foggy halo
round your candle, hangs a pall-like curtain about
your bed, and piles itself in heavy folds upon you as
you sleep, inspiring nightmare, unpleasant dreams
of drowning, suffocation, boa-constrictors — ugh! I
assure you, the enchantment of clouds diminishes in-
versely as the square of the distance, and an inti-
mate acquaintance with them destroys all poetry.
Clouds, in short, like candies, gingerbread, kisses,
courtship, and all other luxuries, mustn't be made
too common.
On the whole, it must be confessed this is not a
favorable morning for ascending an Alpine moun-
tain to get a view. There is not that variety and
extent of prospect sometimes spoken of by travel-
lers. My whole visible horizon at present com-
prises a plat of ground three rods in diameter,
one forlorn cow, three of the meekest of sheep,
and several dripping, low-spirited hens. Indeed,
" not to put too fine a point upon it," this climbing
the Eigi to spend the Fourth of July, is a humbug,
— a weary, moist, up-hill, tiresome, puffing, perspir-
ing, chilly, foggy humbug ; to be surpassed only by
that [national independence we this day celebrate,
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 245
which is the most stupendous and deplorable hum-
bug on the face of the earth if we are to judge by
the goings on in Washington and in Kansas for the
last twelvemonth. I cannot help thinking that the
clouds and darkness which envelop us here on this
Alpine summit, as we forlornly celebrate our nation's
birthday, are a fitting emblem of the present condition
and future prospects of our beloved country. We
discern one gleam of light, however, in the great
republican movement. now happily inaugurated, and
send up a united shout for "Freedom and Fremont,"
which quite astonishes the inhabitants of these be-
nighted regions, and calls forth a responsive crow
from the undismayed chanticleer of the establish-
ment.
We have just been examining by (means of an
excellent map) the magnificent panorama (in) visi-
ble from the summit of Rigi, and surely the most
vivid imagination can hardly picture to itself any
thing at all approaching the glorious reality. Far
in the distance the lofty peaks of the Bernese Alps,
thrusting their heads up through their covering of
snow, like naughty giants that won't stay buried,
• but must be continually poking their noses out of
their windingsheet; near at hand the peaceful lakes
of Lucerne and Zug, slumbering below us, like gen-
246 me. dunn browne's
tie maidens taking their rest, with a drapery of green
forests wrapped gracefully about them, and white
villages glittering like gems upon their breast; north,
east, and west, good old Mother Earth smiling upon
us, clothed in her rich gingham of cultivated fields,
with the rivers Reuss and Aar flowing like silver rib-
bons over her ample bosom, and doubling themselves
into more curious knots and bows than ever blessed
the dreams of Parisian milliner; to the south-west
the white veiled novice Jungfrau, lifting her head in
virgin purity towards heaven as it were in worship ;
while over against her, to the north-west, grim Pila-
tus, with a wreath of thunderclouds round his brow T ,
frowns upon the edifying spectacle. Dear me! I
am not at all certain I could have written you so
poetical a description if it were not for the clouds
and mists that have concealed the reality from my
view. Yours, dimly.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 247
CHAPTER LV.
DOWN THE RHINE.
Everybody goes down the Rhine, and therefore,
of course, I did. Everybody has written a descrip-
tion of it, and therefore, of course, I shall not. An
equally good reason in both cases, though the con-
clusions arrived at are a little contradictory. Be-
cause, for instance, everybody wears coats, therefore
you and I must needs do the same, but if everybody
were becoming tailors that would not be a good
reason for our taking to the goose ; on the contrary,
we should be geese if we did. Because everybody
reads the Republican is a sufficient reason (even if
there were not others still better) for my reading it,
but if everybody should take to writing for it, I
should stop.
The Rhine is a very large river, (although it is not
in America,) with its scenery generally flat and un-
interesting, bnt about one hundred miles of it, from
Rudesheim to Bonn is just as picturesque and beau-
248 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
tiful as it has been, or can be described to be ; an
ever varying succession of the wildest ravines, the
raggedest cliffs, the most verdant meadows, the neat-
est vineyards, the most delightful old brigand castles,
mountains, villages, churches, ruins, echoes, palaces,
forests, historical associations, fairy legends, ghosts,
giants, grottos, and caverns ; nothing but poetry,
chivalry, romance, and enchantment, all which our
party entered into with the greatest zest, seated on
the deck of our steamer, wrapped in all the overcoats,
shawls, and blankets we could muster; for this month
of July here in Europe has been so much like a
New England March, that you couldn't tell the two
apart if you saw them side by side, unless it were
by an occasional patch of snow-bank on the back of
the latter. The Professor rubbed his hands together,
sometimes with the cold, and sometimes with enthu-
siasm, as a sudden turn in the river unfolded a par-
ticularly glorious scene before our eyes. "Our
Richard" shivered, now with emotion at the recital
of some dark legend connected with a ruined tower
we were passing, and now from the effects of the
blast which swept up against us from the north. As
to the third individual in that trio of worthies, (ex-
cuse my not being more definite ; " modesty," etc.,)
it would have done your heart good to see with what
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 249
bravery and constancy he clung to his Murray
through rain and cold, with an eye on either bank to
catch every tower and ruin and castle as we glided
by, and a finger to check off the same on the page
of the infallible red-covered handbook. Ah who so
happy as he when his task was over, and we were
relieved from our watch on deck by the announce-
ment of the veracious Murray that the scenery below
Bonn was tame and uninteresting.
And here I think I may be allowed an apostrophe,
a figure of speech, in which you must acknowledge,
dear reader, I don't often indulge. Oh, thou pre-
cious companion of continental travellers, indispen-
sable Murray ! Who can estimate the blessings
which thy score of ponderous volumes (at the small
charge of ten and sixpence each) have inflicted on
tourists of every age, sex, and condition ? How
comfortable, on all occasions, amidst the works of
nature and of art, before a cascade or a cartoon, to
know exactly when to admire, and how much to ad-
mire, what to praise and what to criticize, to have
your emotions measured out to you in appropriate
doses, your canons of criticism always ready charged
under your arm, to be never in danger of making mis-
takes in praising or sneering at the wrong thing, to
have your whole tour properly punctuated for you, the
250 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
exclamation points and notes of admiration thrown in
correctly. Ah me! What a pity that the diminutive
size of my carpet-bag has prevented me from carrying
this whole red-covered library around with me! I
am afraid I have admired many things at which I
ought to have turned up my nose in disgust, and found
fault with other things which were faultless, thus
misleading and perverting the taste of others in
these poor letters of mine, which were intended solely
for their instruction and improvement.
And then, looking at the matter merely in a pe-
cuniary point of view, just see how well Murray re-
pays the various ten shillings and sixpences invested
in him. By his aid, even in this short ramble of four
weeks through Switzerland and down the Rhine, I
have seen no less than four " magnificent views,"
each of which " is worth the journey from England
to see," that is, at a low estimate, one hundred dol-
lars apiece, two that " repay one for crossing the At-
lantic," and of course, at the present high rates of
passage couldn't be called less than three hundred
dollars each, three or four others (say three) that are
unrivalled, and therefore must be worth as much as
the preceding, but to be moderate we will call them
two hundred dollars each and see how the bill foots
up:—
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. . 251
Four landscape views of Alps, etc., $100 each, $400
Two " " " at 300 " 600
Three " " " 200 " 600
Total, $1,600
This, too, not including sundry smaller affairs, cas-
cades, waterfalls, glaciers, picturesque hamlets, etc.
etc., which, at the most liberal discount for "taking
the lot," would probably swell the amount to two
thousand dollars at least, and all, be it remembered,
in four weeks.
As I had firmly resolved never to return to Amer-
ica till I had seen Holland, I left my companions at
Cologne and went on down the Rhine to Utrecht
and Middleburgh and Amsterdam, in which, as well
as the other Dutch cities, I climbed up all the high
towers, resolutely disregarding the complaints of my
pedal extremities, and thus probably saw as much
of this delectable country as most travellers do, at
least I saw it all several times over, and very refresh-
ing to the eye is the tame, regular, chequered scenery
of Holland, the straight rows of trees and the placid
canals, after the wild, ragged, irregular, rough-and-
tumble landscapes of Switzerland. After all the
ecstasies people go into over the picturesque, roman-
tic, and sublime, give me a good, honest Dutch
landscape, with some fat cows and a few rows of
cabbages in it.
252 ME. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER LVI.
EEPOSES IN HOLLAND.
I have just returned from Broek, " the cleanest
village in the world," containing twelve hundred in-
habitants, situate about five miles (or three hours
ride in a Dutch canal boat) from Amsterdam. It is
indeed a very clean place, but a strict regard for truth
compels me to say that I saw considerable dirt in
one of the cabbage gardens, and the gate handle of
one backyard was not scoured to that degree of
brightness I had been led to expect. Moreover, in
the only stable that I visited, the cows' tails were
not tied up to the beams above with blue ribbons, as
I had read in the accounts of travellers, and the in-
quiries which I instituted on this point have resulted
in convincing me that this is a mere pleasant exag-
geration indulged in by those waggish narrators, and
bv no means a literal fact. The streets are not
streets at all, but neat, little, brick-paved walks wind-
ing about in various directions among the houses,
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 253
sometimes in front and sometimes in the rear, con-
fined by curiously-wrought wooden or iron fences, or
perhaps here and there by a hedge closely clipped
and. carved into fantastic shapes. The houses have
no resemblance to one another, and are so difficult to
be described and to get a proper idea of when de-
scribed, that I shall leave them to your imagination,
assuring you that whatever pictures you may form
to yourselves of them will be certain to be totally
wrong. The trees are short, chubby, and symmetrical,
having a decidedly artificial appearance, educated
quite too much like many persons of my acquaintance.
The men seemed to be all absent from the town.
The women had their dresses pinned up behind, every
one a scrubbing brush in her hand, and a pail of
soap-suds by her side. The children were just let
out from school, and ranging themselves in rows
each side of the way, cap in hand, slate under the
arm and satchel on the back, saluted me with great
gravity and politeness. Obtained the guidance of a
pair of them, little blue-eyed, white-aproned girls,
with caps on such as my grandmother used to wear,
who conducted me to a large dairy, where I was in-
itiated into all the curious mysteries of Dutch
cheese-making by a damsel as fair and round, and
solid, as any cheese of them all. Returned to my
254 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
canal boat in a state of great self-satisfaction at hav-
ing seen so much of this paragon of Dutch towns,
and rode dreamily back to Amsterdam, seated by
the side of the huge skipper, who only opened his
mouth to emit smoke, and directed all the move-
ments of his crew, (i. e. the helmsman and the boy
who rode the horse,) by waving his pipe.
The canals hereabouts are ten or fifteen feet higher
than the adjacent country, and it is curious enough
to see the canal boats in the distance, and even
sometimes a large ship with its masts all standing,
gliding along on a level with the housetops, plunging
into a group of windmills or haystacks, and bringing
up at last on the roofs apparently of a remote vil-
lage.
Amsterdam is an amphibious city, half land and
two-thirds water ; most of the streets being canals
and drawbridges ; very nearly another Venice with-
out the gondolas and faded palaces and historical
associations ; in short, a neat, clean, Dutch Venice
built of bricks and colored tiles. It is the finest brick-
built city in the world without a doubt. Nothing
but seeing can give you any idea of the wonderful
variety of beautiful and picturesque forms into
which Dutch architects will contrive to pile up
bricks. No two houses will be alike, each will be a
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 255
study of itself, and yet there will be a general resem-
blance enough to preserve the proper uniformity of
a street. I wandered about Amsterdam nearly a
week without ever getting tired of its streets and ca-
nals, of its clean, healthy-looking people, (it is my
deliberate opinion, which I am prepared to defend to
the last extremity, that the Dutch are the handsome-
est and the politest race of people on the face of the
globe,) of its plump jolly ships, its warehouses,
wharves, bridges, and dykes, of its tall spires, huge
organs, fat palaces, and resplendent picture galleries.
Leaving Amsterdam, your correspondent attended a
festival at Haarlem where seventy-five thousand
Dutchmen were assembled to do honor to the mem-
ory of Coster, an ingenious ancestor of theirs, whom
they persist in calling the true, first, and sole inventor
of the art of printing, to the utter exclusion of the
claims of Guttemburg, who, not being a Dutchman,
of course could n't have hit upon the invention.
Afterwards, we proceeded to the Hague, where is
the finest park of beech trees that can be imagined,
and Paul Potter's celebrated picture of the Bull, to
say nothing about a few palaces and kings and
princes that we hadn't time to visit: buried our-
selves one day in the dead old city of Leyden, of
Pilgrim memory, and passed through Rotterdam on
256 mr. dunn beowne's
out of Holland into Belgium to the good city of Ant-
werp, where is the only really admirable picture
Rubens ever painted, the "Descent from the Cross,"
as well as many other notable things, and whence
we shall soon embark for " Merrie England."
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 257
CHAPTER LVII.
UTTERLY DISREGARDS THE CONSEQUENCES.
[Mr. B. bids an affecting farewell to his Passport as the chalky cliffs of England
come again in sight.]
Pooe, torn, ragged, patched, and mended,
Thou hast been to me a friend most dear,,
But now 's thy faithful service ended,
For at length old England's shores are near>
Thine eagle oft hath been my guard
Amidst officials fat and saucy :
Full oft the soldier grim and hard
Hath quailed before the name of Marcy.
Police no more shall scrutinize
Thy vises, stamps, " permis de sejour,"
No more "gens d'armes" o'er thee look wise,.
Thou hast received thy last " bon pour."
My purse for thee shall bleed no more,
Grim sentinel shall not harass,
Besetting me at gate and door
With that provoking, " Please Sir, your Pass."
17
258 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
How many sovereigns owe thee thanks !
Full oft the Pope on thee hath fed,
Napoleon's had from thee some francs,
For Bomba thou hast freely bled.
Thou'st greased Emmanuel's moustache,
As well as lined the Sultan's pockets,
Thou'st helped Franz Joseph cut a dash,
And paid for Leopold's festive rockets.
From thee and from thy fellows, too,
The Duke of Tuscany extracts his
Most important revenue ;
You are his best and surest taxes.
Of every tongue and language, on thy back,
Thou hast, I do believe, a scrawl :
'T would puzzle Elihu, the " Learned Black-
..Smith's" self, I ween, to read them all.
'O'er thee hath many a Dutchman sputtered,
Italian raved and Saxon swore,
il Sacre " full oft the Frenchman's uttered,
Thou'st vexed the German's patience sore-
Wise men and fools have o'er thee pondered,
Drunken men and sober, men of sense and asses,
Sane men, men whose wits had wandered,
Men with glass eyes, men with eye-glasses.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 259
Some -who would hold thee upside down,
And some again who would n't ;
Some who could read thy name, " Dunn Browne,"
And others still who could n't.
To be sure it has been a terrible bore,
A year to carry thee ever about me,
But I fear that it would have troubled me more,
To have started away without thee.
Go, then, my Pass, hide thee in peace
'Way down in the depths of my valise ;
Ah, well, my dear Muse, if any one else is wait-
ing for you, don't let me detain you. I am aware
that such verses must cause you. considerable lacera-
tion of nerves, so I- won't trouble you again if I can
possibly help it. That's the way the sea acts upon
me ; instead of making me sick it makes me produce
sickly rhymes.
This is London, is it? Of course it is. I know it
by the whole five of my senses, especially those of
taste and smell; I know it by the thick cloud of
black smoke, by the grim, sooty houses, by the hor-
rible swearing of the sailors and porters, by the
crowding and hustling, the universal atmosphere of
fog and of freedom, of industry and incivility, of
comfort and grumbling. I know it by the everlast-
260 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
ing thunder of the 'buses and drays, and by the mur-
mur of the perpetual crowd of foot-passengers ; I
know it by the " haitches " and the " wes " of the
cockney pronunciation, by the cut of the whiskers,
by the ruddy faces and portly forms, signs of health
and unlimited beer,, I know it by the dark dome of
St. Paul's, (which I saw once before during the three
weeks of my former visit to London,) by the Monu-
ments, by beautiful Westminster Abbey, and the
gingerbread work of the Houses of Parliament. In
fact I am quite certain that it is London, and that is
enough.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 261
CHAPTER LVIIL
MERRIE ENGLAND.
England is the only country in the world that is
all finished, perfectly complete, the scaffoldings taken
down and the rubbish picked up. There are no
odds and ends lying around loose, no out of the way
corners where the work has been slighted, nothing
any where but will bear the closest inspection. It
doesn't make any difference which direction you
take for an excursion into the country. Go down
to the south-west to the region of Plymouth and
Exeter and Bath, and you will think yourself in the
loveliest part of England and of the world. Go on
up to Stratford on Avon and Warwick Castle and
Kenilworth, and you will find it hard to believe such
beauty can exist anywhere out of paradise besides.
Come back to the immediate vicinity of London, to
Windsor Park, Richmond Hill, Hampton Court, or
off again to Derbyshire, visit Chatsworth and Mat-
lock Bath, go down into fertile Kent, or away north
262 MB. DUNN BROWNE'S
to the Cumberland Lakes, or across into Yorkshire,
or take the opposite direction and roam a week over
the Isle of Wight, go anywhere, take any train, or if
you miss that, take any other train and stop at any
station, or better still get on the top of any stages
coach and ride till it stops. You can't go amiss.
Wherever you go you will be thankful you took that
particular direction rather than any other. Go by
rail, 'bus, coach, or cab, but don't take a private con-
veyance. If you allow any fat, smooth-faced inn-
keeper to seduce you into hiring a one-horse " trap "
to take you across the country at " a shilling a mile,"
in the first place you will find that it is an incredible
number of miles to the place you wish to reach, then
again you will come to a toll-gate with a sixpence
to pay every two or three miles, you will have a six-
pence to pay for "'olding your hoss" at every place
you stop, you will have an unexpected demand made
at the end of your journey of three-pence a mile for
the driver, and lastly you will have the consolation of
being passed on the road by a coach which left the
place you started from about an hour after you,
bound for the same place with yourself, and which
would have carried you there in half the time at one
fifth of the price. I speak from experience. Be-
ware of " traps," especially of " one-horse traps."
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 263
Then, when you stop at a place, go by all means to
an inn and not to a hotel. They have the best inns
and the worst hotels in England of any country in
the world. The stiff staring hotels are fast crowd-
ing out the good old-fashioned, straggling, many-ga-
bled inns, so that soon, alas, England will be worse
than Egypt to travel in, but so long as a single inn of
the old style remains, don't fail to take up your quar-
ters there if you. wish to know what real comfort is.
The most astonishing thing about England is the
immense expenditure of money everywhere, the rich-
ness, solidity, and expense of all the public works and
the private buildings also, even in the remotest nooks
and corners of the island. ] never saw real estate so
condensed, so much of it occupying so little ground.
I never saw gold spread out so thickly over the whole
face of a country. Every thing you see appears to be
steeped in money, fed on money, made of money,
representative of a vast money value. The fog looks
as if it would coin up into dollars, the crops waving
over the fields are rich golden harvests, the sheep
and cattle grazing in the pastures are fat, solid, peri-
patetic bank-notes, every acre of ground is a bursting
purse of gold, the very roads are macadamized with
pounded golden ore, the sturdy old oaks seem to
have been nourished with the true " circulating me-
264 me. dunn Browne's
dium," the houses stand up firm and strong as if no
amount of mortgages could have the slightest effect
upon them, real estate seems nowhere else so real
and substantial as here. It is here more than any-
where else difficult to realize the fact that riches may-
take to themselves wings and fly away. What
broad, strong wings would it take to bear away those
solid stone buildings, those apoplectic factories, those
broad acres, those rich mines, those inexhaustible
coal-beds ! Could I charter sufficient wing-power I
would at least fly away to America with one of the
beautiful English parks, with its verdant turf and its
tastefully arranged trees, even if I had to transport
also a whole skyful of mists and showers to keep it
fresh and green. I am afraid we can't have, in our
country, with its bright skies, a real English park,
any more than they can have one of our glorious
many-colored autumnal landscapes. But the Eng-
lish landscape retains its freshness nearly through the
year. Ours is beautiful a little while in the spring
and glorious again in the autumn for a few days be-
fore its death. So the fogs and rains of Old England
are not without their redeeming features, if such
things can be said to have features indeed.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 265
CHAPTER LIX.
ENGLISH UNIVERSITY TOWNS.
1 AM going to see at once about getting a Fellow-
ship in one of the rich old colleges at Oxford or Cam-
bridge. A nice suite of rooms in one of those jolly
nooks of halls, with smoothly shaven lawns and
noble groves to study and take one's pleasure in, with
cultivated companions and endless stores of books to
solace one's self withal, with an abundance of lit-
erary leisure and the best of society, with a wise pro-
vision against your committing the folly of matri-
mony, with nothing at all to do, and twelve or fifteen
hundred dollars a year to do it with, it really strikes
me that such a path in life as that would present
about as few thorns and briars as almost any that
a man can walk in. And yet there is occasionally
an infatuated son of Adam who will allow some fair
daughter of Eve to tempt him even from such a
paradise as this. Such is mankind, since the for-
bidden fruit was tasted !
266 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
It was vacation when we visited the university
towns, and so we had to content ourselves with look-
ing at the empty hives and the stores of honey that
had been collected, without seeing the bees, either
workers or drones, either the " reading " men or the
" rowing " men.
The two towns are very nearly of equal beauty.
The Oxford building material crumbles more easily,
and hence the old towers and colleges look more
ancient and venerable, but I cannot help thinking
Cambridge quite as lovely. King's College Chapel
at Cambridge is much finer than any thing of the
kind at Oxford, but the latter again can show the
most splendid dining hall, and this last is the great
institution of an English college or any thing else
that is English. The dinner is the great centre about
which an Englishman's thoughts and plans all re-
volve, and when he founds a college, the first thing
to be attended to, is to provide a magnificent dining
saloon for its inmates ; the next, a beautiful chapel,
and if there happen to be any funds left, why, the li-
braries and professorships, and such minor matters
may come in for the crumbs, so to speak, that fall
from the dinner-table. Another curious feature, and
which shows the exclusiveness of the English charac-
ter everywhere is, that there is no public room of
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 267
any size connected with either of the universities,
any more than there is for the accommodation of the
Lords and Commons in the new Houses of Parlia-
ment in London, or for any one else's accommoda-
tion in any other place that I think of now. The
number of undergraduates in Oxford, or in Cam-
bridge, is from fifteen hundred to two thousand, and
the Senate House in each university, where the dig-
nitaries meet on anniversary occasions to confer
honorary degrees, where addresses and poems are
delivered, etc, will not seat more than five hundred
persons conveniently, and cannot, I should think,
hold in any way, sitting or standing, a thousand. It
is only for a few privileged individuals to get access
to any thing in this country. There is more trouble
and difficulty, very frequently, in getting in to hear a
debate in Parliament, than there is in getting elected
to our Congress, if you are of the right party, that is.
Nothing is made large enough to hold half the peo-
ple who want to get into it, or if it is, the admission
is hedged about with so many annoyances and de-
lays that you give it up rather than take the trouble.
Such a simple thing as getting admission to the li-
brary of the British Museum I couldn't accomplish,
at least without taking more pains than the thing
was worth. But we are getting back to London
268 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
again, I see, in obedience to the irresistible townward
tendency of every thing in England, so perhaps it
won't be worth while for us to return to Cambridge
for the sake of visiting together John Milton's mul-
berry tree in Christ College garden, and one or two
other interesting things I had thought of taking you
to see. Let us go to the zoological gardens instead,
and see the Hippopotamus, for "seeing the elephant"
is quite out of date in London, and cockneys for
two or three years past have devoted their zoological
attention exclusively to the hippopotamus, who is
much more of a sight, weighing, (though yet com-
paratively in its infancy.) from two to three tons, and
opening a mouth like the crater of a volcano, about
as destructive, too, to the wheat-fields, as any moder-
ate volcano I ever read of. Perhaps we may as well
step in also at Madame Tussaud's and see her star-
ing wax models of the principal murderers, orators,
warriors, lawyers, kings, and other scourges of human-
ity, all in the " 'ighest style of hart," the delight and
pride of the cockneys. Then, to finish up the even-
ing, we may drop into Evans' Eating Rooms for a
bit of supper, accompanied by the greatest variety of
music it was ever your lot to hear and see, a perfect
jumble of the sentimental and the warlike, the
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 269
pathetic and the funny, the love-madrigal, the Ethi-
opian minstrel and the " ghost in Hamlet," presented
by a man dressed half in scale armor and half in a
shroud, half Hamlet and half ghost.
270 mr. dunn browne's
CHAPTER LX.
THE JEDBURG BORDER GAMES.
Attracted by the announcement, on a huge pla-
card pasted hard by the entrance of Melrose Abbey,
that the ancient and honorable athletic games of the
Scottish border were to be celebrated at Jedburg,
-on the young Marquis of Mid-Lothian's birthday,
my friend, " William the Conqueror," and myself
crowded Abbotsford into a short morning pedes-
trian excursion, and at nine o'clock wedged ourselves
into an overloaded special train which was " drag-
ging its slow length " along to the appointed
scene of the sports. Our old anaconda having
disgorged its thousand victims, happy in our escape,
we wended our way through the crooked streets
of the straggling town, which was all gay with
flags and banners and bonnie lassies streaming
with ribbons ; past the old abbey, which allowed
a few smiles of sunlight to play across its dilapi-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 271
dated red sand-stone countenance, as if in honor of
the great occasion ; away on to a pretty, modest hill,
all blushing with heather, where some thousands of
people, mostly of the laboring classes, but well
dressed and very well behaved, were assembled to
witness the contests. A quadrangle, perhaps five
hundred feet by three hundred, with ranges of seats
rising above each other all around, with a band of
music under a canopy at one end, and a large tent
for the accommodation of the performers at the
other, occupied the brow of the hill. Hundreds
of booths and tents were erected outside for the
refreshment of the spectators. Just within the
inclosure, hung on the little banners, were the prizes
to be awarded to the victors in the various games,
consisting mostly of gay articles of dress and or-
namental wear, coats of many colors, embroidered
vests, Highland caps, plaids, a nice pair of boots
for the victor in the foot-race, a richly embroidered
girdle valued at fifty dollars for the best wrestler,
etc., which articles, when awarded, were exhibited
to the admiring crowd on the persons of the victors,
with a great air of triumph and exultation. Within
the quadrangle strutted the umpires and judges and
marshals, looking as wise as owls, as dignified as
donkeys, and as proud as turkey-cocks.
272 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
The performances going on at our arrival were
feats of leaping, the perpendicular and the hori-
zontal leap, the " hop, step, and jump," and various
other varieties. Next came wrestling by little boys,
some of whom were not more than six years old,
and it was altogether as pretty a display of science
and agility as the day had to afford us. The gravity
with which the little fellows shook hands to show
that they bore no malice, the magnanimity they dis-
played in raising a fallen foe, and the stoicism they
manifested to the praises of the spectators, were
lessons in human nature. The victor was a little
ten year old, who spread out half a dozen larger
boys just as fast as they could come on and take
hold. The next performance was a smart shower
of rain, which was thinly attended by the spectators,
most of whom preferred a wetting up of a different
kind in the booths above referred to. Then suc-
ceeded feets of hurling, cannon balls of various. sizes
being the projectiles used. A slight, consumptive
looking youth carried away the first prize in this
sturdy contest, having thrown the fifty-six pound
cannon ball nearly thirty feet, if I understood the
announcement correctly. The interest of the crowd
now became greatly excited in a hurdle race. The
competitors, about a dozen in number, ran out from
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 273
the inclosure three hundred yards, leaping six hur-
dles or bars four feet high, in their course, and then
returned over the same ground. It was quite a
spirited affair, the victor passing no less than three
men in the last thirty feet, and coming in less than
half a yard before the favorite, who had kept the
lead from the first, and was a famous runner from
England.
After a recess of half an hoar for rest, (which op-
portunity was faithfully improved by the rain,) we
gathered again together to witness the grand affair
of the day, the wrestling match, the most famous
champions of this time-honored border sport being
gathered from all quarters. The wrestlers wore
flesh-colored tights and stockings only ; clasped
hands together behind each other's shoulders, one
arm over, the other under, and the contest was
usually very quickly decided. Some of the feats
of strength were tremendous. A noted young
champion, Scott of Carlisle, pulled from his feet a
gigantic antagonist, nearly twice his own weight,
whirled him completely round in the air twice, and
left him gently extended on his back. First, there
were many separate single matches, and then one
grand trial where winners were" matched with winners,
and the last man up was to be the victor. Finally,
18
274 ME. DUNN erowne's
Scott of Carlisle, who had thrown every opponent
in a long series of encounters, and a young shepherd
from Jedburg, who had been successful against all
comers, in a series alternating with the first, were
- brought into the lists for the last decisive struggle,
to decide which should be champion. The shep-
herd, a tall lad, rough and ungainly, but of tremen-
dous strength, was hitherto unknown to fame, and
now trembled with hope and fear as the final trial
approached. Scott, slight, but a perfect model of
manly strength and grace, came smilingly and care-
lessly forward, looking really as if he would be glad
to have the shepherd boy gain the prize. They
shook hands, the heralds waved a little yellow flag
over the head of each, and proclaimed their name
and residence, then, amidst a breathless stillness in
that vast and excited crowd, the combatants threw
their arms about each other as if for a fraternal em-
brace. Scott experienced much difficulty in bringing
his hands together about the burly shoulders of his
tall opponent, but succeeding at last in clasping them,
he bowed that huge frame together in a grasp like
that of a tiger seizing a buffalo, and in the twinkling
of an eye extended him on the sand with face to
the sky. But the valiant young shepherd, gathering
courage from defeat, claimed his right to demand
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 275
three trials instead of one, in the last contest, and in
the next encounter, seized Scott in his long arms,
with a strength perfectly irresistible, lifted him from
the ground like a baby to his breast, and laid him
gently on his back. And the third trial, too, after a
long and doubtful struggle between superior skill
and superior strength, was decided against the re-
doubted Scott, and Jemmy Davidson, the raw shep-
herd boy, whom nobody knew as a wrestler, re-
ceived the first prize, and was declared the champion
of all the border. The joy of the crowd, especially
those from Davidson's own neighborhood, was in-
tense, and their enthusiasm unbounded. They
hugged him and kissed him, carried him upon their
shoulders, and shouted his name till they were
hoarse. His good-natured antagonist joined his
congratulations to those of the crowd, and seemed in
nowise cast down by his defeat.
The rest of the games, the blindfold hurdle race,
the jumping in sacks, the wheelbarrow race and oth-
er comical sports which concluded the day, we did
not stop to see, for the day, which had been unusu-
ally fair for the British Isles, having only indulged in
two showers and three drizzles, about this time re-
lapsed into a settled rain, and we took the cars for
Edinburgh, whither, I suppose, you wish we had
started a good deal sooner.
276 mr. dunn Browne's
CHAPTER LXI.
EDINBORO THE LITERARY.
This " modern Athens " has really quite a resem-
blance to her Grecian prototype, even if we say
nothing about the Parthenon out on Calton Hill
which she has commenced erecting and which, with
its dozen finished Doric columns, is already becoming
a ruin that likens it still more to its great model.
The hills about Edinboro are a little like those
around Athens, the Edinboro Castle is something
like the Acropolis, and there is a similar contrast be-
tween the old and the new buildings, between the
ancient and the modern towns of Edinboro and
of Athens.
The old and the new cities of Edinboro are on op-
posite sides of a valley, and are still more opposite in
character than in situation. One is as shabby as a
New England deacon's every-day hat, and the other
as clean and prim as his go-to-meeting one. They
do all the dirty work, perform all the business, build
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 277
the sooty furnaces, make the noxious gases and en-
gage in the every-day drudgery in the Old Town,
and then go over into the New Town Sundays and
holidays to church and to enjoy themselves. The
Old Town is full of narrow, filthy lanes, which would
be abated as nuisances in the most miserable Arab
or Turkish or (worst of all) Italian city. The houses,
tottering eleven-storied abominations, frequently fall.
One had just crushed half a dozen people the day
before we arrived. But the New City, with its broad
streets, handsome squares, houses all of hewn stone,
stately monuments, and rich churches, is as fine as
gold and good taste and the absence of all business
can make it.
Holy rood Palace is interesting especially as show-
ing what poor, miserable, ridiculous, accommoda-
tions kings and queens had to put up with in former
times. Why, Queen Mary's apartments in the shab-
by old corner tower at Holyrood are not fit for a
modern poet's garret. Queen's horses are better sta-
bled now-a-days. Her supper room, where she was
sitting at tea when Rizzio's murderers entered, is n't
large enough for a tea-table to be spread in. She
must have sat with her cup in her hand, if indeed
she was drinking tea, I forget precisely the circum-
stances. The door of her dressing-room is so low
278 # mr. dunn Browne's
that she must have stooped to enter it, and the rest
of her rooms are built altogether too much after the
snail-shell order of architecture to suit the enlarged
ideas of any modern queen. Her entire suite of apart-
ments made into one, the whole second floor of the
tower which she occupied, with the partitions
knocked out, would but just contain a lady in the
present full dress, and as for getting her in or out
through any of the doors, it would be a ridiculous
impossibility.
The Gothic " Memorial to Walter Scott," of free-
stone, two hundred feet high, is the finest monument
I have ever seen, which is not saying much to be
sure, for monuments are generally ugly things and
insensibly induce us to associate some of their own
deformity with the character of those they commem-
orate, thus serving perhaps as useful warnings
against ambition, but for all purposes of ornament to
a city, a very useless expenditure. I put it to your
conscience now, my dear reader, to tell me candidly,
if you can say, on approaching a strange city, which
are monuments and which are chimnies. I am free
to acknowledge, (in confidence,) that I can't distin-
guish the difference, -except that those tall, slender
chimnies, of the steam manufactories and the gas
works, seem much more elegantly shaped, and have
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 279
in addition graceful wreaths of smoke adorning their
summits, which the monuments and columns cannot
boast. And yet I never heard of a city's being proud
of the number and beauty of its gas-chimnies, that I
recollect. These remarks must be understood as
applying to monuments in general- and not to the
Scott memorial, which is really an ornament for any
town to be proud of.
These Scotch are a very nice people, both sensible
and good-natured, who make you feel at home
among them, just as the English, unless you have
a hatful of introductions, make you feel that you are
not at home, and several other nations I could name
make you you wish you were at home.
It has rained so constantly and perseveringly
during our stay in Scotland, that we have confined
our excursions to a simple crossing the country by
way of Stirling, Callander, Lochs Katrine and Lo-
mond, Dumbarton, and Glasgow. We were driven •.
from Stirling to the Trossachs, past Bannockburn,
over Allan water, and within sight of several roman-
tic castles, by a poetical, red-nosed coachman, who
spouted Scott's poetry the whole distance, and what
with the fatigue of listening to him, and holding an
umbrella over several unprotected females during a S
heavy shower, and supporting a hysterical lassie over
2S0 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
all the bad places in the road with my encircling arm,
I assure you, nothing but a strong sense of duty
done, and the gratitude with which she pressed my
hand as we descended from the top of the coach,
could have adequately rewarded me for that day of
sacrifice. The Scotch lakes are so so, and Glasgow
is a tolerably well-built city.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 281
CHAPTER LXII.
IN AN IRISH JAUNTING CAR.
We have been in Ireland just long enough to ascer-
tain that it really is inhabited by Irishmen, real gen-
uine Paddies as ever voted the " Dimmycratic " ticket
six times in a day at a New York city election. At
the Killarney Races which we attended one rainy
day, near the celebrated lakes of the same name,
were gathered four or five thousand of the peasantry
of that district, every man " with a stick in his fist,"
and a brave show they made of it. I have seen
nothing that reminded me of America so much since &
I left it. The countenances seemed familiar, I could
recognize about half the faces as having been seen
before. I should have expected that nearly all of
them would affirm, upon inquiry, that they were
" thrue native-born 'Merikan citizens." Fifty years
ago there could n't have been such a gathering as
met at the races, without a regular " faction fight,"
but the belligerent spirit of the race is getting much
282 mr. dunn Browne's
calmed down of late. I saw no fight that day, nor
indeed any day of our week's trip in Ireland, though
one fiery little fellow, in the cars as we were ap-
proaching the Cove of Cork, had to be prevented by
his friends from demolishing a couple of Italians,
who had the impudence to doubt his assertion, that
an Irish soldier could easily whip three of any other
nation on the globe.
The country from Dublin to Cork is mostly level
wheat and potato land, agreeably diversified with
peat-bogs, and under poor cultivation, at least com-
pared with England and Scotland. The stream of
English gold, however, which has been turned upon
the country of late years, is fast changing the bogs
into meadows, redeeming the waste places, making
the desert blossom with beautiful fields of grain and
vegetables. There is no sort of irrigation that fertil-
izes like a stream of gold. It is a manure that is
adapted to all soils, and to seasons wet and dry. A
thick coating of it, whether ploughed in or applied
as a top-dressing, is pretty sure to tell on almost any
kind of crop, and if I were about to commence farm-
ing on a large scale in any country, I can think of
nothing I should value more highly than a large ac-
cumulation of this admirable yellow dust to apply
as a fertilizer.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 283
The conveyances of every country are peculiar^
but the Irish Jaunting Car is the most peculiar and
original, the drollest, craziest piece of locomotive fur-
niture ever invented. It is eminently Irish ; every
fragment of it (and it is all made up of fragments,)
smacks of the brogue ; it seems a ridiculous bull to
get into it at all. A shaky oblong box, mounted
upon two rickety wheels about three feet apart, un-
folding in the middle, lengthwise, into two seats
that hang over outside the wheels, where you sit in
pairs, back to back, with your rollicking driver in
front, flogging his rawboned horse to the top of his
speed, turning sharp corners, plunging through the
crowded streets of a city, and rattling over the rough
roads in the country, at the same headlong pace, if
you can think of any more ridiculously danger-
ous method of getting over the ground, I am sure it
must be an Egyptian donkey-racing you are thinking
of, and I can't quite agree with you there. And
then the inimitable politeness with which your Jehu
touches his hat and hopes "your honor is satisfied
with the dhrivin' sure," and will "bestow a small
thrifle to spind in dhrinkin' your health," is quite ir-
resistible.
Moreover I'm thinking that if you should encoun-
ter that little girl, who s*old us some bog-oak orna-
284 MR. DUNN BKOWNE'S
ments and laces in Dublin, you would be pretty cer-
tain to invest a trifle in her wares, if there is any
soft spot in you where the most " deludherin' " flat-
tery can enter. Nearly all the Irish must have made
a pilgrimage to kiss the " Blarney stone," and the
Irish beggar is the one of all others to whom you
give with the least compunction.
Two or three days in the noble city of Dublin and
two more in the beautiful vicinity of Cork, with a
hurried glimpse of the lovely Killarney Lakes, was
all the time we could afford to the Emerald Isle.
Our return was by steamer to Holyhead, thence by
rail across the wonderful tubular bridge to Bangor,
then an excursion to Caernarvon Castle and Snow-
don, then a Sabbath spent in sleepy old Chester,
hearing a sleepy old bishop preach in the sleepy old
Cathedral. It is astonishing what an amount of dull
preaching one hears in England. Ideas are as care-
fully excluded from the pulpit as if they were bomb-
shells with the fuse lighted and liable to explode at
once. There is more life and energy and thought
and nourishment in the poorest sermon I ever heard
in a New England pulpit than in the best I heard
(with two exceptions in London) during a constant
attendance of three months, in England. An Eng-
lishman doesn't like to be* startled into any thought
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 285
while sitting on the soft pew-cushions of his old Par-
ish Church. The peculiarities of Chester, as every-
body knows, are, its old wall, carefully preserved as
a promenade for the citizens, a beautiful elliptical
race-course just outside the wall, for all the world
like an ancient circus, and especially its system of
quaint porticos along the second story of the prin-
cipal streets. This last feature is a very odd one, as
the style and height of the portico varies with almost
every house, and drawbridges are frequently thrown
over the 'cross-streets to prevent a break in the cov-
ered promenade. It is a capital idea for rainy days
and for the children's romping. Many of the houses
are curiously carved, and, one has on its front the
date 1003, which is generally believed in Chester to
be authentic.
286 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
CHAPTER LXIII.
ANOTHER TASTE OF THE ERINE.
On leaving such a country as England, Liverpool
is a capital place to embark, because whatever re-
grets one may feel in going away from the country,
taken as a whole, probably no person ever visited
Liverpool without being glad to get away from it as
soon as possible. And the Steamer Companies
seem to sympathize with this feeling in their passen-
gers, for the vessels start with great punctuality at
the precise advertised time of sailing. At nine
o'clock A. M., August 27th, 1856, (the anniversary
of my sailing from New York, outward bound,) we
embarked, with about three hundred other passen-
gers, on board the Canadian steamer " Canadian "
for Quebec. We selected this as the most favorable
season in the whole year to cross the Atlantic, after
the icebergs were melted away and before the equi-
noctial storms came on, but as a punishment for our
presumption in making his moods a matter of calcu-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 287
lation, Old Atlantic brewed up for our benefit one of
the strongest and bitterest storms he has concocted,
summer or winter, for years, and poured it out upon
us all the way over. « Immense number of babies
on board. Squalls ahead," remarked the sententious
Isham, after a brief exploration of the cabin. The
prediction proved too true. The voice of infantile
wailing was never entirely silent through the whole
passage. We all felt like fathers of families and
picked up the children out of the scuppers, when a
big wave washed them off their legs, without stop-
ping a moment to think whether they were ours or
somebody's else.
Perpetual motion was the order of the day, and
the night too, for things animate and inanimate.
At dinner, plates flew in our faces, knives and forks
danced about tumultuously with coquettish spoons
for partners, fat tumblers nodded roguishly to sharp
vinegar-cruets who jerked their heads stiffly in re-
sponse, slender wine-glasses tossed themselves off to
the health of rich soup-tureens who overflowed in
greasy acknowledgments, legs of mutton, joints of
beef and roast geese plumped themselves into our
laps, " help yourself to potatoes," was a superfluous
exhortation, the vegetables invited themselves on to
your plate and into your napkin, every thing went
G
288 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
on the self-acting principle, and your success in mak-
ing a dinner depended on your skill in stabbing vi-
( ands with a fork as they flew past. After dinner it
was much the same. Ladies rushed distractedly
(and distractingly) into our arms, children tumbled
promiscuously under our feet. , " Harum scarum,"
" helter skelter," " topsy turvy " and such like words
of Latin Dutch and Anglo-Saxon origin, are the only
words to express the state of things on that voyage.
Our vessel was a great cradle that rocked us unceas-
ingly, anywhere but to sleep. Or perhaps it was
more like a great churn where we, the cream of sev-
eral nations, were shaken up together incessantly, in
the hope of our " coming " at last. The " Impetu-
ous " declared that it was more than any thing else,
like the whale's belly in which Jonah once took a
cruise, but none of us took any notice of that sugges-
tion, ascribing it to his peculiar feelings as he lay
tossing about in his berth looking rather pale.
The beard of our " William the Conqueror " had
now attained such an enormous growth, that we
used to hoist him on deck, as a sail to steady the
ship in the rough weather, and take a reef in the
beard with a shawl, or take him, in altogether, when
the captain thought it unsafe to spread too much
canvas. Neglecting once this precaution, a tremen-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 289
dous wave, which had somehow got astray, came
tumbling over the stern, deluging the " Conqueror "
and several friends, besides nearly sweeping them
overboard as it retired. " What a narrow escape ! "
exclaimed one of the bystanders, as soon as he could
recover from his astonishment so as to find words.
" Humph, call that an escape, do you, then I just
hope you will meet with the next instead of me,"
growled our gasping monarch, as he shook half a
hogshead of brine from his garments and went down
the hatchway the source of as many streams as a
melting glacier.
A row of splendid icebergs stretching across from
Newfoundland to Labrador, like ghostly sentinels to
challenge our approach, were the first land we saw
on the Western Continent. (Green Erin was the
last we saw of the Eastern Hemisphere, which ac-
counts for the bull in the previous sentence.) They
look like frozen clouds and are much more beautiful
objects than I expected to find them, especially after
being so greatly disappointed in the miserable,
sloppy, dirty Swiss glaciers. Somehow I had always
associated icebergs and glaciers together in my mind,
but they are no more alike than clean linen and dirty .
linen, or a boy that has been eating molasses candy
and the same boy after his face has been washed.
19
290 mr. dunn browne's
Both have beautiful blue crevices and caverns in them,
which look in the distance like bits of congealed sky,
and are doubtless the abode of the ice-fairies. Some
of these ice-mountains that we passed, were, I should
think, four or five hundred feet high and perhaps a
half-mile in circuit, all of them aground, poor things,
and looking piteously at our Steamer, as if expecting
us to tow their old helpless hulks out to sea
again. We couldn't stop to take any active meas-
ues for their relief, though our admiration was with-
out bounds, and we unhesitatingly pronounced them
the very (ice) cream of all Nature's performances.
The passage up the St. Lawrence was quite too
grand to be beautiful. One can't exactly realize that
he is on a river, when he has to take a telescope to
make out the houses on either side. We seemed to
be taking a broad strip of the Atlantic, with his huge-
waves smoothed out a little, along up with us and not
till three hundred miles inland did we entirely shake
off his grasp upon us. The approach to Quebec,
with the noble Falls of Montmorenci on the right, a
great river tumbling down out of the sky, and the
bold highlands all around, is one of the finest scenes
in the world and a fitting introduction to the glories
of our Western Hemisphere.
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 291
CHAPTER LXIV.
EXPERIENCES IN HIS NATIVE LAND.
Well, it is a hard thing to be obliged to own up
to, but that unhesitating regard for truth which has
borne him safely through so many perilous narrations,
where the temptations to color a little were very
strong, where almost any one else would have exag-
gerated more or less, that stern, unflinching historical
veracity which has been the striking feature of Mr.
Browne's " Experiences " hitherto, compels him to
acknowledge, however reluctantly, that he has be-
come at last " a suspicious character," that he has
been very nearly arrested as a genteel swindler, that
at one time the chances seemed dolefully in favor of
lodging your unfortunate wanderer in a Green
Mountain jail as the leader of a gang of pickpockets.
After having passed unscathed through a two months'
surveillance by the watchful eyes of the Paris police,
after passing unsuspectedly through the heart of
Austria, and sustaining the most friendly relations
292 mr. dunn Browne's
with the police department of suspicious Vienna,
after escaping the sack and bowstring, the ear-crop-
ping and bastinadoing of despotic Turkey, after hav-
ing ranged unharmed through the whole length of
Italy, passing under the very nose of King Bomba,
casting himself as it were right upon the horns of a
papal bull, and harmlessly braving the horrors of a
dungeon in Florence and Venice, after having es-
caped innumerable perils by Arabs and Dutchmen,
by Cockneys, by Highlanders, and by Hibernians,
here at last, on his native soil, almost in sight of the
hills on which his "father feeds his flocks," the
Green Mountain boys have proved wellnigh too
many for him. Lend your ears to the plain unvar-
nished tale.
On the last day of the State Agricultural Fair at
Burlington, Mr. Browne was waiting at the steamer
landing for the arrival of the " Canada," which had
unfortunately carried off to Whitehall the baggage of
himself and his friend Isham, (last survivors of the
original eight who formed our " army in the East,")
when he gradually became aware of his being the
object of considerable attention among the crowd
that was gathering there. Supposing this to be ow-
ing to his striking personal appearance and to the
polish acquired by his friction against the aristocratic
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 293
old world, he merely continued his walk, with perhaps
a slight accession of dignity to his gait. But finding
the excitement rather on the increase, seeing young
ladies slily pointing him out to one another with
their parasols, observing knots of people conversing
together in whispers, and two, after some consulta-
tion with the others, coming out of a group towards
him, a new thought struck Mr. B. " Col. Fremont
is also a good-looking man and wears a moustache
and hair ' au naturel.' Can it be that these good
people suspect they have here the Great Pioneer in
disguise, and so are sending these two men as a
committee to ask him to avow hinself? Perhaps
they won't believe a denial, ascribing it to excessive
modesty. What a bore it is to be made a lion of
in spite of one's self!" The two individuals ap-
proached. The elder, a hard-looking personage,
with a dreadfully stiff beard of a week's growth?
opened the conversation. " I say, Mister, are you
the feller 't sold me a suit of cloze up to the Fair
ground, this mornin' ? " "A suit of clothes, man, do I
look like a tailor? These somewhat dilapidated
garments which I now wear, constitute my whole
wardrobe at present. When I have any clothes to
sell you can have them at a bargain, but just now I
am not in that line." " Never you mind, young man,
294 mr. dunn Browne's
what I want to know is this, was you or was you
not on the Exhibition ground this forenoon ? " To
be called " young man ! " Mr. B. was indignant,
and put an abrupt end to the conversation by
answering sharply, " When I learn what right you
have to ask me impertinent questions, I will see
about answering them. Till then I would recom-
mend you to mind your own business." The two
departed, the old man muttering, "I'll larn you what
right I have to ask questions, special quick."
Mr. B. quietly continued his promenade, being
most carefully watched lest he should attempt to
escape before the officers arrived. Several burly men
soon came down to the landing, who looked as if
they might be constables, but whether they were or
not remained a mystery, for, after considerable con-
sultation and discussion, another committee, headed
by the same individual who had been spokesman
before, came to Mr. B. and informed him that there
had been for several days a gang of pickpockets and
swindlers in town, committing all manner of depre-
dations upon the inhabitants and strangers gathered
at the Fair, and that he, (Mr. B.,) looked so precisely
like a man who had been selling damaged clothing,
all that morning, for about ten times its worth, rep-
resenting the same to be new, just purchased in Bur-
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 295
lington, bat sold because the owner had been robbed
and couldn't otherwise raise the money to get home,
which person was supposed also to be the ringleader
of a gang of thieves, that they had felt bound to take
measures for apprehending him, (Mr. B.,) but if he
could give them any references or proofs that he was
a respectable and well-conducted individual, they
should be exceedingly sorry to have caused him any
inconvenience. Mr. B. thought the inconvenience
was mostly on the other side, and after the verdancy
they had shown in purchasing clothes the way they
had described, he was not even surprised that they
should have taken himself for a rogue. He then
brought his huge passport and various other formi-
dable documents to bear upon his adversaries, put
them to utter silence and confusion, then departed
in triumph on board the " Canada," which had just
come up, to search for his baggage.
296 mr. dunn browne's
CHAPTER LXV.
THE BEST, BECAUSE IT IS THE LAST.
The writer of these preceding sketches, having
now accomplished his object of comparing various
other regions with the valley of the Connecticut,
his own native home, feeling himself fully quali-
fied to render a decision, accordingly, in the most
ww-qualified manner, pronounces that the Connec-
ticut River Valley with its tributaries, is just the
most beautiful region in the whole world, both
hemispheres and all the zones included, not except-
ing any of its five quarters nor even the islands and
such like smaller fractions, tt is the sweetest smile
on the whole face of the globe. Set in its frame
of lovely hills and mountains, it is the finest picture
Nature ever painted. Since man was driven out
of Eden, it is the best paradise yet discovered. In
its fresh spring morning, in its effulgent summer
noontide, in its gorgeous autumnal sunset hues, and
in its silvery winter moonlight, it surpasses all other
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 297
most favored climes, each, too, in its own especial
perfection. The " skies of Italy " are not half so
" sunny," the banks of the Rhine can't compare in
variety of beautiful scenery, the Alps can show no
finer dells and valleys, I doubt if even Holland has
any more regular cultivated parallelograms than
some of our broom-corn fields and tobacco patches.
In taking leave of those who have had the pa-
tience to pursue these rambling sketches to the end,
or who have perchance skipped over a wide inter-
vening space to read the last chapter, it may be well
to remark, in explanation, that Browne is not the
real family name of the author. He was originally
Greene, and in his early years was remarkable for
a certain ingenuousness and simplicity of character,
which was perhaps the occasion of his being sub-
jected to so much of that peculiar experience, which
teaches the subject of it some rather rough, but
possibly salutary lessons, scorches as it were his
verdancy into a sober russet hue, in consequence of
which experience the writer has, in the lapse of
years, (without once applying to the legislature for
a change,) gradually come to be called Browne. In
short, if he had not been born Greene, very likely
he would never have been Dunn Browne.
« If he has occasionally, in these epistles, relapsed
298 MR. DUNN BROWNE'S
into that original, unsophisticated simplicity which
was his normal state of mind, the author hopes to
obtain the indulgence of his critical readers by the
candid explanation he has made, as also if he should
yet once more relapse, yielding to his tenderer feel-
ings as he attempts to express his gratitude towards
an old and tried friend, who has steadfastly stood
by him in all his wanderings and on whom he has
at times greatly leaned, to pay in short, a debt,
OWED TO HIS CANE.
When Eve her first-born son did see,
She thought no more of grief and pain,
Nor what a wretch he 'd grow to be,
But thanked the Lord, and called him " Cain.'
To Arctic regions lone and cold,
When Mercy called, nor called in vain,
Then volunteered a Yankee bold
In Mercy's cause ; 't was Dr. Kane.
In southern climes a plant there grows
That sweetness yields from every vein,
By Negroes mostly raised, I s'pose,
This plant I speak of 's Sugar-Cane.
When Southern Chivalry's valiant son
A name of glory sought to gain,
EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS. 299
As glory in his section 's won,
He used his Gutta Percha cane.
My cane, thou hast no murder done
Like that first Cain, who Abel slew,
Nor spent six months without the sun
With Dr. Kane and his brave crew.
Like Sugar-cane, will not thy grain
My cup of coffee sweeten,
Nor yet like bully Brooks's cane,
Give unarmed foe a beating.
But sturdily thou hast upheld me
Up many a mountain steep ascending,
And oft right cheerily impelled me
On dusty road my slow steps wending.
The monstrous steps of Pyramid
My puny steps thou 'st made to fit,
And many a saucy Arab's head
The while, thou'st been obliged to hit
'Gainst Bedouin dog and dogs of Bedouins,
Thou didst thy master's rights maintain,
Their bark thy bark on their head wins,
Thinking me to taste, they tasted cane.
O'er Jordan's stream I've had thine aid,
Up Carmel, on Mt. Lebanon,
And when I in the Crimea strayed
O'er Malakoff and Mamelon.
300 EXPERIENCES IN FOREIGN PARTS.
In Greece, thy help was not denied,
At Athens, scaling Lycobettus,
Up steep Pentelic's craggy side,
As -well as climbing sweet Hymettus.
About Vesuvius' smoking crater,
O'er Alpine passes, down the Rhine,
I found thee everywhere so great a
Help, I bless the day that made thee mine.
I hope in future years to use thee,
Yet other rugged mountains climbing,
I promise never more t' abuse thee,
With such a lame attempt at rhyming.
ja