BARON MUNCHAUSEN
SURPRISI
THE
SURPRISING ADVENTURES
OF
BARON MUNCHAUSEN
ILLUSTRATED BY WILLIAM STRANG AND
J. B. CLARK, WITH AN INTRODUCTION
BY THOMAS SECCOMBE
LONDON
LAWRENCE AND BULLEN
1 6 HENRIETTA STREET, COVENT GARDEN
1895
Printed by BALLANTYNE, HANSON & Co.
At the Ballantyne Press
INTRODUCTION
T is a curious fact that of that class
of literature to which Munchausen
belongs, that namely of Voyages
Imaginaires, the three great types
should have all been created in
England. Utopia, Robinson Crusoe, and Gulliver,
illustrating respectively the philosophical, the
edifying, and the satirical type of fictitious travel,
were all written in England, and at the end of
the eighteenth century a fourth type, the fantas
tically mendacious, was evolved in this country.
Of this type Munchausen was the modern original,
and remains the classical example. The adapta
bility of such a species of composition to local
and topical uses might well be considered pre
judicial to its chances of obtaining a permanent
place in literature. Yet Munchausen has un
doubtedly achieved such a place. The Baron s
notoriety is universal, his character proverbial,
and his name as familiar as that of Mr. Lemuel
b
vi INTRODUCTION
Gulliver, or Robinson Crusoe, mariner, of York.
Condemned by the learned, like some other master
pieces, as worthless, Munchausen s travels have
obtained such a world-wide fame, that the story
of their origin possesses a general and historic
interest apart from whatever of obscurity or of
curiosity it may haVe to recommend it.
The work first appeared in London in the
course of the year 1785. No copy of the first
edition appears to be accessible ; it seems, how
ever, to have been issued some time in the autumn,
and in the Critical Review for December 1785
there is the following notice : " Baron Mun
chausen s Narrative of his Marvellous Travels and
Campaigns in Russia. Small 8vo, is. (Smith).
This is a satirical production calculated to throw
ridicule on the bold assertions of some parlia
mentary declaimers. If rant may be best foiled
at its own weapons, the author s design is not
ill-founded ; for the marvellous has never been
carried to a more whimsical and ludicrous extent."
The reviewer had probably read the work through
from one paper cover to the other. It was in
fact too short to bore the most blase of his kind,
consisting of but forty-nine small octavo pages.
The second edition, which is in the British
Museum, bears the following title ; " Baron
INTRODUCTION vii
Munchausen s Narrative of his Marvellous Travels
and Campaigns in Russia ; humbly dedicated
and recommended to country gentlemen, and if
they please to be repeated as their own after a
hunt, at horse races, in watering places, and other
such polite assemblies ; round the bottle and fire
side. Smith. Printed at Oxford. 1786." The
fact that this little pamphlet again consists of
but forty-nine small octavo pages, combined with
the similarity of title (as far as that of the first
edition is given in the Critical Review), publisher,
and price, affords a strong presumption that it
was identical with the first edition. This edition
contains only chapters ii., iii., iv., v., and vi.
(pp. 10-44) f the present reprint. These chapters
are the best in the book and their substantial
if peculiar merit can hardly be denied, but the
pamphlet appears to have met with little suc
cess, and early in 1786 Smith seems to have
sold the property to another bookseller, Kears-
ley. Kearsley had it enlarged, but not, we are
expressly informed, in the preface to the seventh
edition, by the hand of the original author (who
happened to be in Cornwall at the time). He
also had it illustrated and brought it out in the
same year in book form at the enhanced price
of two shillings, under the title ;
Vlll
INTRODUCTION
"Gulliver Reviv d: The Singular Travels,
Campaigns, Voyages and Sporting Adventures
of Baron Munnikhouson commonly pronounced
Munchausen ; as he relates them over a bottle
when surrounded by his friends. A new edition
considerably enlarged with views from the Baron s
drawings. London. 1786." A well-informed
o
Critical Reviewer would have amended the title
thus: "Lucian reviv d : or Gulliver Beat with
his own Bow."
Four editions now succeeded each other with
rapidity and without modification. A German
translation appeared in 1786 with the imprint
London: it was, however, in reality printed by
Dieterich at Gottingen. It was a free rendering
of the fifth edition, the preface being a clumsy
combination of that prefixed to the original edi
tion with that which Kearsley had added to
the third.
The fifth edition (which is, with the excep
tion of trifling differences on the title-page,
identical with the third, fourth, and sixth)
is also that which has been followed in the
present reprint down to the conclusion of
chapter twenty, where it ends with the words
"the great quadrangle." The supplement treat
ing of Munchausen s extraordinary flight on the
INTRODUCTION ix
back of an eagle over France to Gibraltar, South
and North America, the Polar Regions, and back
to England is derived from the seventh edition
of 1793, which has a new sub-title : " Gulliver
reviv d, or the Vice of Lying properly exposed."
The preface to this enlarged edition also informs
the reader that the last four editions had met
with extraordinary success, and that the supple
mentary chapters, all, that is, with the exception of
chapters ii., iii., iv., v., and vi., which are ascribed
to Baron Munchausen himself, were the production
of another pen, written, however, in the Baron s
manner. To the same ingenious person the
public was indebted for the engravings with which
the book was embellished. The seventh was the
last edition by which the classic text of Munchausen
was seriously modified. Even before this impor
tant consummation had been arrived at, a sequel,
which was within a fraction as long as the original
work (it occupies pp. 163-299 of this volume),
had appeared under the title, "A Sequel to the
Adventures of Baron Munchausen. . . . Humbly
dedicated to Mr. Bruce the Abyssinian traveller,
as the Baron conceives that it may be some service
to him, previous to his making another journey
into Abyssinia. But if this advice does not delight
Mr. Bruce, the Baron is willing to fight him on
x INTRODUCTION
any terms he pleases." This work was issued
separately. London, 1792, 8vo.
Such is the history of the book during the first
eight or constructive years of its existence, beyond
which it is unnecessary to trace it, until at least
we have touched upon the long-vexed question of
its authorship.
Munchausen s travels have in fact been ascribed
to as many different hands as those of Odysseus.
But (as in most other respects) it differs from
the more ancient fabulous narrative in that its
authorship has been the subject of but little
controversy. Many people have entertained erro
neous notions as to its authorship, which they
have circulated with complete assurance ; but
they have not felt it incumbent upon them to
support their own views or to combat those of
other people. It has, moreover, been frequently
stated with equal confidence and inaccuracy that
the authorship has never been settled. An early
and persistent version of the genesis of the travels
was that they took their origin from the rivalry
in fabulous tales of three accomplished students
at Gottingen University, Burger, Kastner, and
Lichtenberg ; another ran that Gottfried August
Burger, the German poet and author of " Lenore,"
had at a later stage of his career met Baron Mun-
INTRODUCTION xi
chausen in Pyrmont and taken down the stories
from his own lips. Percy in his anecdotes attributes
the Travels to a certain Mr. M. (Munchausen also
began with an M.) who was imprisoned at Paris
during the Keign of Terror. Southey in his " Omni-
ana conjectured, from the coincidences between
two of the tales and two in a Portuguese periodical
published in 1730, that the English fictions must
have been derived from the Portuguese. William
West the bookseller and numerous followers have
stated that Munchausen owed its first origin to
Bruce s Travels, and was written for the purpose
of burlesquing that unfairly treated work. Pierer
boldly stated that it was a successful anonymous
satire upon the English government of the day,
while Meusel with equal temerity affirmed in his
" Lexikon that the book was a translation of the
" well-known Munchausen lies " executed from a
(non-existent) German original by Rudolph Erich
Raspe. A writer in the Gentleman s Magazine
for 1856 calls the book the joint production of
Biirger and Raspe.
Of all the conjectures, of which these are but
a selection, the most accurate from a German
point of view is that the book was the work of
Burger, who was the first to dress the Travels
in a German garb, and was for a long time almost
xii INTRODUCTION
universally credited with the sole proprietorship.
Burger himself appears neither to have claimed
nor disclaimed the distinction. There is, how
ever, no doubt whatever that the book first
appeared in English in 1785, and that Burger s
German version did not see the light until 1 786.
The first German edition (though in reality
printed at Gottingen) bore the imprint London,
and was stated to be derived from an English
source ; but this was, reasonably enough, held to
be merely a measure of precaution in case the
actual Baron Munchausen (who was a well-known
personage in Gottingen) should be stupid enough
to feel aggrieved at being made the butt of a
gross caricature. In this way the discrepancy
of dates mentioned above might easily have been
obscured, and Burger might still have been credited
with a work which has proved a better protection
against oblivion than " Lenore," had it not been
for the officious sensitiveness of his self-appointed
biographer, Karl von Reinhard. Reinhard, in an
answer to an attack made upon his hero for
bringing out Munchausen as a pot-boiler in
German and English simultaneously, definitely
stated in the Berlin Gesellschafters of November
1824, that the real author of the original work
was that disreputable genius, Rudolph Erich
INTRODUCTION xiii
Raspe, and that the German work was merely a
free translation made by Burger from the fifth
edition of the English work. Burger, he stated,
was well aware of, but was too high-minded to
disclose the real authorship.
Taking Reinhard s solemn asseveration in con
junction with the ascertained facts of Raspe s
career, his undoubted acquaintance with the Baron
Munchausen of real life and the first appearance
of the work in 1785, when Raspe was certainly
in England, there seems to be little difficulty in
accepting his authorship as a positive fact. There
is no difficulty whatever, in crediting Raspe with-
a sufficient mastery of English idiom to have
written the book without assistance, for as early
as January 1780 (since which date Raspe had
resided uninterruptedly in this country) Wai-
pole wrote to his friend Mason that " Raspe
writes English much above ill and speaks it as
readily as French," and shortly afterwards he re
marked that he wrote English " surprisingly well."
In the next year, 1781, Raspe s absolute com
mand of the two languages encouraged him to
publish two moderately good prose-translations,
one of Lessing s " Nathan the Wise," and the
other of Zachariae s Mock-heroic, " Tabby in
Elysium." The erratic character of the punctua-
xiv INTRODUCTION
tion may be said, with perfect impartiality, to be
the only distinguishing feature of the style of the
original edition of "Munchausen."
Curious as is this long history of literary mis
appropriation, the chequered career of the rightful
author, Eudolph Erich Ilaspe, offers a chapter in
biography which has quite as many points of
singularity.
Born in Hanover in 1737, Ilaspe studied at the
Universities of Gottingen and Leipsic. He is
stated also to have rendered some assistance to
a young nobleman in sowing his wild oats, a
sequel to his university course which may possibly
help to explain his subsequent aberrations. The
connection cannot have lasted long, as in 1762,
having already obtained reputation as a student
of natural history and antiquities, he obtained
a post as one of the clerks in the University
Library at Hanover.
No later than the following year contributions
written in elegant Latin are to be found attached
to his name in the Leipsic Nova Acta Erudi-
torum. In 1764 he alluded gracefully to the
connection between Hanover and England in a
piece upon the birthday of Queen Charlotte, and
having been promoted secretary of the University
Library at Gottingen, the young savant com-
INTRODUCTION xv
menced a translation of Leibniz s philosophical
works which was issued in Latin and French
after the original MSS. in the Royal Library at
Hanover, with a preface by Raspe s old college
friend Kastner (Gottingen, 1765). At once a
courtier, an antiquary, and a philosopher, Raspe
next sought to display his vocation for polite
letters, by publishing an ambitious allegorical
poem of the age of chivalry, entitled "Hermin
and Gunilde," which was not only exceedingly
well reviewed, but received the honour of a
parody entitled " Harlequin and Columbine." He
also wrote translations of several of the poems of
Ossian, and a disquisition upon their genuine
ness ; and then with better inspiration he wrote
a considerable treatise on " Percy s Reliques of
Ancient Poetry," with metrical translations, being
thus the first to call the attention of Germany to
these admirable poems, which were afterwards so
successfully ransacked by Burger, Herder, and
other early German romanticists.
In 1767 Raspe was again advanced by being
appointed Professor at the Collegium Carolinum
in Cassel, and keeper of the landgrave of Hesse s
rich and curious collection of antique gems and
medals. He was shortly afterwards appointed
Librarian in the same city, and in 1771 he married.
xvi INTRODUCTION
He continued writing on natural history, miner
alogy, and archaeology, and in 1769 a paper in
the 59th volume of the Philosophical Transactions,
on the bones and teeth of elephants and other
animals found in North America and various
boreal regions of the world, procured his election
as an honorary member of the Royal Society of
London. His conclusion in this paper that large
elephants or mammoths must have previously ex
isted in boreal regions has, of course, been abun
dantly justified by later investigations. When
it is added that Raspe during this part of his
life also wrote papers on lithography and upon
musical instruments, and translated Algarotti s
Treatise on " Architecture, Painting, and Opera
Music," enough will have been said to make
manifest his very remarkable and somewhat prolix
versatility. In 1773 ne m ^de a tour in Westphalia
in quest of MSS., and on his return, by way of
completing his education, he turned journalist, and
commenced a periodical called the Cassel Spec
tator, with Mauvillon as his co-editor. In 1775
he was travelling in Italy on a commission to
collect articles of vertu for the landgrave, and
it was apparently soon after his return that he
began appropriating to his own use valuable coins
abstracted from the cabinets entrusted to his care.
INTRODUCTION xvii
He had no difficulty in finding a market for the
antiques which he wished to dispose of, and which,
it has been charitably suggested, he had every in
tention of replacing whenever opportunity should
serve. His consequent procedure was, it is true,
scarcely that of a hardened criminal. Having
obtained the permission of the landgrave to visit
Berlin, he sent the keys of his cabinet back to
the authorities at Cassel and disappeared. His
thefts, to the amount of two thousand rixdollars,
were promptly discovered, and advertisements were
issued for the arrest of the Councillor Raspe,
described without suspicion of flattery as a long-
faced man, with small eyes, crooked nose, red
hair under a stumpy periwig, and a jerky gait.
The necessities that prompted him to commit a
felony are possibly indicated by the addition that
he usually appeared in a scarlet dress embroidered
wdth gold, but sometimes in black, blue, or grey
clothes. He was seized when he had got no
farther than Klausthal, in the Hartz mountains,
but he lost no time in escaping from the clutches
of the police, and made his way to England. He
never again set foot on the continent.
He was already an excellent English scholar,
so that when he reached London it was not
unnatural that he should look to authorship for
xviii INTRODUCTION
support. Without loss of time, he published in
London in 1776 a volume on some German Vol
canoes and their productions ; in 1777 he trans
lated the then highly esteemed mineralogical
travels of Ferber in Italy and Hungary. In i 780
we have an interesting account of him from Horace
Walpole, who wrote to his friend, the Rev. William
Mason : " There is a Dutch savant come over who
is author of several pieces so learned that I do not
even know their titles : but he has made a dis
covery in my way which you may be sure I believe,
for it proves what I expected and hinted in my
1 Anecdotes of Painting, that the use of oil
colours was known long before Van Eyck."
Raspe, he went on to say, had discovered a MS. of
Theophilus, a German monk in the fourth century,
who gave receipts for preparing the colours, and
had thereby convicted Vasari of error. "Raspe
is poor, and I shall try and get subscriptions to
enable him to print his work, which is sensible,
clear, and unpretending." Three months later it
was, " Poor Raspe is arrested by his tailor. I
have sent him a little money, and he hopes to
recover his liberty, but I question whether he will
be able to struggle on here." His " Essay on the
Origin of Oil Painting was actually published
through Walpole s good service in April 1781.
INTRODUCTION xix
He seems to have had plans of going to America
and of excavating antiquities in Egypt, where he
might have done good service, but the bad name
that he had earned dogged him to London. The
Eoyal Society struck him off its rolls, and in
revenge he is said to have threatened to publish
a travestv of their transactions. He was doubt-
<
less often hard put to it for a living, but the variety
of his attainments served him in good stead. He
possessed or gained some reputation as a mining
expert, and making his way down into Cornwall,
he seems for some years subsequent to 1 782 to have
been assay-master and storekeeper of some mines
at Dolcoath. While still at Dolcoath, it is very
probable that he put together the little pamphlet
which appeared in London at the close of 1785,
with the title " Baron Munchausen s Narrative of
his Marvellous Travels and Campaigns in Russia,"
and having given his jeu d esprit to the world, and
possibly earned a few guineas by it, it is not likely
that he gave much further thought to the matter.
In the course of 1785 or 1786, he entered upon a
task of much greater magnitude and immediate
importance, namely, a descriptive catalogue of the
Collection of Pastes and Impressions from Ancient
and Modern Gems, formed by James Tassie, the
eminent connoisseur, Tassie engaged Raspe in
xx INTRODUCTION
1785 to take charge of his cabinets, and to com
mence describing their contents : he can hardly have
been ignorant of his employees delinquencies in the
past, but he probably estimated that mere casts of
gems would not offer sufficient temptation to a man
of Kaspe s eclectic tastes to make the experiment a
dangerous one. Early in 1786, Raspe produced a
brief but well-executed conspectus of the arrange
ment and classification of the collection, and this
was followed in 1791 by "A Descriptive Catalogue,"
in which over fifteen thousand casts of ancient
and modern engraved gems, cameos, and intaglios
from the most renowned cabinets in Europe were
enumerated and described in French and English.
The two quarto volumes are a monument of
patient and highly skilled industry, and they still
fetch high prices. The elaborate introduction
prefixed to the work was dated from Edinburgh,
April 1 6, 1790.
This laborious task completed, Raspe lost
no time in applying himself with renewed
energy to mineralogical work. It was an
nounced in the Scots Magazine for October 1 79 1
that he had discovered in the extreme north of
Scotland, where he had been invited to search
for minerals, copper, lead, iron, manganese, and
other valuable products of a similar character,
INTRODUCTION xxi
From Sutherland he brought specimens of the
finest clay, and reported a fine vein of heavy
spar and " every symptom of coal." But in Caith
ness lay the loadstone which had brought Easpe
to Scotland. This was no other than Sir John
Sinclair of Ulbster, a benevolent gentleman of
an ingenious and inquiring disposition, who was
anxious to exploit the supposed mineral wealth
of his barren Scottish possessions. With him
Raspe took up his abode for a considerable time
at his spray-beaten castle on the Pentland Firth,
and there is a tradition, among members of the
family, of Sir John s unfailing appreciation of
the wide intelligence and facetious humour of
Raspe s conversation. Sinclair had some years
previously discovered a small vein of yellow mun-
dick on the moor of Skinnet, four miles from
Thurso. The Cornish miners he consulted told
him that the mundick was itself of no value, but
a good sign of the proximity of other valuable
minerals. Mundick, said they, was a good horse
man, and always rode on a good load. He now
employed Raspe to examine the ground, not
designing to mine it himself, but to let it out to
other capitalists in return for a royalty, should
the investigation justify his hopes. The necessary
funds were put at Raspe s disposal, and masses of
xxi INTRODUCTION
a bright, heavy material were brought to Thurso
Castle as a foretaste of what was coming. But
when the time came for the fruition of this
golden promise, Raspe disappeared, and sub
sequent inquiries revealed the deplorable fact
that these opulent ores had been carefully im
ported by the mining expert from Cornwall, and
planted in the places where they were found.
Sir Walter Scott must have had the incident
(though not Easpe) in his mind when he created
the Dousterswivel of his " Antiquary." As for
Raspe, he betook himself to a remote part of
the United Kingdom, and had commenced some
mining operations in county Donegal, when he
was carried off by scarlet fever at Muckross in
1794. Such in brief outline was the career of
Rudolph Erich Raspe, scholar, swindler, and un
doubted creator of Baron Munchausen.
The merit of Munchausen, as the adult reader
will readily perceive, does not reside in its literary
style, for Raspe is no exception to the rule that
a man never has a style worthy of the name in
a language that he did not prattle in. But it
is equally obvious that the real and original
Munchausen, as Raspe conceived and doubtless
intended at one time to develop him, was a
delightful personage whom it would be the height
INTRODUCTION xxiii
of absurdity to designate a mere liar. Un
fortunately the task was taken out of his hand
and a good character spoiled, like many another,
by mere sequel-mongers. Easpe was an impudent
scoundrel, and fortunately so ; his impudence re
lieves us of any difficulty in resolving the ques
tion, to whom (if any one) did he owe the
original conception of the character whose fame
is now so universal.
When Raspe was resident in Gottingen he ob
tained, in all probability through Gerlach Adolph
von Munchausen, the great patron of arts and
letters and of Gottingen University, an introduc
tion to Hieronynimus Karl Friedrich von Munchau
sen, at whose hospitable mansion at Bodenwerder
he became an occasional visitor. Hieronynimus,
who was born at Bodenwerder on May 11, 1720,
was a cadet of what was known as the black line of
the house of Einteln Bodenwerder, and in his youth
served as a page in the service of Prince Anton
Ulrich of Brunswick. When quite a stripling he
obtained a cornetcy in the " Brunswick Regi
ment" in the Russian service, and on November
27, 1740, he was created a lieutenant by letters
patent of the Empress Anna, and served two
arduous campaigns against the Turks during the
following years. In 1750 he was promoted to be
xxiv INTRODUCTION
a captain of cuirassiers by the Empress Elizabeth,
and about 1760 he retired from the Russian
service to live upon his patrimonial estate at
Bodenwerder in the congenial society of his wife
and his paragon among huntsmen, Rosemeyer, for
whose particular benefit he maintained a fine pack
of hounds. He kept open house, and loved to
divert his guests with stories, not in the braggart
vein of Dugald Dalgetty, but so embellished with
palpably extravagant lies as to crack with a
humour that was all their own. The manner has
been appropriated by Artemus Ward and Mark
Twain, but it was invented by Munchausen. Now
the stories mainly relate to sporting adventures,
and it has been asserted by one contemporary of
the baron that Munchausen contracted the habit
of drawing such a long-bow as a measure of self-
defence against his invaluable but loquacious
henchman, the worthy Rosemeyer. But it is
more probable, as is hinted in the first preface,
that Munchausen, being a shrewd man, found the
practice a sovereign specific against bores and
all other kinds of serious or irrelevant people,
while it naturally endeared him to the friends
of whom he had no small number.
He told his stories with imperturbable sang
froid, in a dry manner, and with perfect natural-
INTRODUCTION xxv
ness and simplicity. He spoke as a man of the
world, without circumlocution ; his adventures
were numerous and perhaps singular, but only
such as might have been expected to happen to
a man of so much experience. A smile never
traversed his face as he related the least credible
of his tales, which the less intimate of his ac
quaintance began in time to think he meant to
be taken seriously. In short, so strangely enter
taining were both manner and matter of his
narratives, that " Munchausen s Stories became
a by-word among a host of appreciative acquain
tance. Among these was Haspe, who years
afterwards, when he was starving in London,
bethought himself of the incomparable baron.
He half remembered some of his sporting stories,
and supplemented these by gleanings from his
own commonplace book. The result is a curious
medley, which testifies clearly to learning and wit,
and also to the turning over of musty old books
of faceticB written in execrable Latin.
The story of the Baron s horse being cut in two by
the descending portcullis of a besieged town, and the
horseman s innocence of the fact until, upon reaching
a fountain in the midst of the city, the insatiate thirst of
the animal betrayed his deficiency in hind quarters, was
probably derived by Kaspe from the Facetice Bebeliance
xxvi INTRODUCTION
of Heinrich Bebel, first published at Strassburgh in
1508.
There it is given as follows : " De Insigni Mendacio.
Faber clavieularius quern superius fabrum mendaciorum
dixi, narravit se terapore belli, credens suos se subsecuturos
equitando ad cujusdarn oppidi portas penetrasse : et curn
ad portas venisset cataractam turre demissam, equum suum
post ephippium discidisse, dimidiatumque reliquisse, atque
se media parte equi ad forum usque oppidi equitasse, et
caedem non modicam peregisse. Sed cum retrocedere
vellet multitudine hostium obrutus, turn demum equum
cecidisse seque captum fuisse."
The drinking at the fountain was probably an embel
lishment of Raspe s own. Many of Bebel s jests were
repeated in J. P. Lange s Delicice Academicce (Heilbronn,
1665), a section of which was expressly devoted to "Men-
dacia Ridicula " ; but the yarn itself is probably much
older than either. Similarly, the quaint legend of the
thawing of the horn was told by Castiglione in his
Cortegiano, first published in 1528. This is how Casti
glione tells it : A merchant of Lucca had travelled to
Poland in order to buy furs ; but as there was at that
time a war with Muscovy, from which country the furs
were procured, the Lucchese merchant was directed to the
confines of the two countries. On reaching the Borys-
thenes, which divided Poland and Muscovy, he found
that the Muscovite traders remained on their own side
of the river from distrust, on account of the state of
hostilities. The Muscovites, desirous of being heard
across the river, announced the prices of their furs in a
loud voice ; but the cold was so intense that their words
were frozen in the air before they could reach the opposite
side. Hereupon the Poles lighted a fire in the middle
of the river, which was frozen into a solid mass ; and in
the course of an hour the words which had been frozen
IN TROD UCTION xxvii
up were melted, and fell gently upon the further bank,
although the Muscovite traders had already gone away.
The prices demanded were, however, so high that the
Lucchese merchant returned without making any purchase.
A similar idea is utilised by Kabelais in Pantagruel, and
by Steele in one of his Tatters. The story of the cherry
tree growing out of the stag s head, again, is given in
Lange s book, and the fact that all three tales are of great
antiquity is proved by the appearance of counterparts to
them in Lady Guest s edition of the Mabinogion. A great
number of nugce canorce of a perfectly similar type are
narrated in the sixteenth century " Travels of the Finken-
ritter " attributed to Lorenz von Lauterbach.
To humorous waifs of this description, without
fixed origin or birthplace, did Kaspe give a classi
cal setting amongst embroidered versions of the
baron s sporting jokes. The unscrupulous manner
in which he affixed Munchausen s own name to the
completed jeu d esprit is, ethically speaking, the
least pardonable of his crimes ; for when Raspe s
little book was first transformed and enlarged,
and then translated into German, the genial old
baron found himself the victim of an unmerciful
caricature, and without a rag of concealment. It
is consequently not surprising to hear that he
became soured and reticent before his death at
Bodenwerder in 1797.
Strangers had already begun to come down to
the place in the hope of getting a glimpse of the
xxviii INTRODUCTION
eccentric nobleman, and foolish stories were told
of his thundering out his lies with apoplectic
visage, his eyes starting out of his head, and
perspiration beading his forehead. The fountain
of his reminiscences was in reality quite dried up,
and it must be admitted that this excellent old
man had only too good reason to consider himself
an injured person.
In this way, then, came to be written the
first delightful chapters of Baron Munchausen s
" Narrative of his Travels and Campaigns in
Russia." It was not primarily intended as a satire,
nor was it specially designed to take off the extra
vagant flights of contemporary travellers. It was
rather a literary frivolity, thrown off at one effort
by a tatterdemalion genius in sore need of a few
guineas.
The remainder of the book is a melancholy
example of the fallacy of enlargements and of
sequels. Neither Haspe nor the baron can be
seriously held responsible for a single word of it.
It must have been written by a bookseller s hack,
whom it is now quite impossible to identify, but
who was evidently of native origin; and the book
is a characteristically English product, full of
personal and political satire, with just a twang of
edification. The first continuation (chapters one
INTRODUCTION xxix
and seven, to twenty, inclusive), which was supplied
with the third edition, is merely a modern rechauffe,
with " up to date allusions, of Lucian s Vera
Historic*. Prototypes of the majority of the stories
may either be found in Lucian or in the twenty
volumes of Voyages Imaginaires, published at
Paris in 1 787. In case, however, any reader should
be sceptical as to the accuracy of this statement
he will have no very great difficulty in supposing,
as Dr. Johnson supposed of Ossian, that anybody
could write a great amount of such stuff if he
would only consent to abandon his mind to the
task.
With the supplementary chapters commence
topical allusions to the recently issued memoirs of
Baron de Tott, an enterprising Frenchman who
had served the Great Turk against the Russians
in the Crimea (an English translation of his book
had appeared in 1785). The satire upon this
gallant soldier s veracity appears to be quite un
deserved, though one can hardly read portions of
his adventures without being forcibly reminded
of the Baron s laconic style. It is needless to
add that the amazing account of De Tott s origin
is grossly libellous. The amount of public interest
excited by the aeronautical exploits of Montgolfier
and Blanchard was also playfully satirised. Their
xxx INTRODUCTION
first imitator in England, Vincenzo Lunardi, had
made a successful ascent from Moorfields as re
cently as 1784, while in the following year Blan-
chard crossed the channel in a balloon and earned
the sobriquet Don Quixote de la Manche. His
grotesque appropriation of the motto " Sic itur
ad astra made him, at least, a fit object for
Munchausen s gibes. In the Baron s visit to
Gibraltar we have evidence that the anonymous
writer, in common with the rest of the reading
public, had been studying John Drinkwater s
" History of the Siege of Gibraltar" (completed in
1 783), which had with extreme rapidity established
its reputation as a military classic. Similarly, in
the Polar adventures, the " Voyage towards the
North Pole," 1774, of Constantine John Phipps,
afterwards Lord Mulgrave, is gently ridiculed, and
so also some incidents from Patrick Brydone s
"Tour through Sicily and Malta (1773), are > f r
no obvious reason, contemptuously dragged in.
The exploitation of absurd and libellous chap-
book lives of Pope Clement XIV., the famous
Ganganelli, can only be described as a low bid
for vulgar applause. A French translation of
Baron Friedrich von Trenck s celebrated Memoirs
appeared at Metz in 1787, and it would certainly
seem that in overlooking them the compiler
INTRODUCTION xxxi
of Munchausen was guilty of a grave omission.
He may, however, have regarded Trenck s ad
ventures less as material for ridicule than as a
series of hdbleries which threatened to rival his
own.
The Seventh Edition, published in 1 793, with the
supplement (pp. 142-161), was, with the abomin
able proclivity to edification which marked the pub
lisher of the period (that of " Goody Two-Shoes
and " Sandford and Merton "), styled " Gulliver
Reviv d : or the Vice of Lying Properly Exposed."
The previous year had witnessed the first appear
ance of the sequel, of which the full title has
already been given, " with twenty capital copper
plates, including the baron s portrait." The merit
of Munchausen as a mouthpiece for ridiculing
traveller s tall-talk, or indeed anything that shocked
the incredulity of the age, was by this time widely
recognised. And hence with some little ingenuity
the popular character was pressed into the service
of the vulgar clamour against James Bruce, whose
" Travels to Discover the Sources of the Nile had
appeared in 1 790. In particular Brace s description
of the Abyssinian custom of feeding upon "live
bulls and kava provoked a chorus of incre
dulity. The traveller was ridiculed upon the
stage as Macfable, and in a cloud of ephemeral
xxxii INTRODUCTION
productions ; nor is the following allusion in Peter
Pindar obscure :-
" NOT have I been where men (what loss alas !)
Kill half a cow, then send the rest to grass."
The way in which Bruce resented the popular
scepticism is illustrated by the following anecdote
told by Sir Francis Head, his biographer. A
gentleman once observed, at a country house where
Bruce was staying, that it was not possible that
the natives of Abyssinia could eat raw meat !
" Bruce said not a word, but leaving the room,
shortly returned from the kitchen with a piece
of raw beef-steak, peppered and salted in the
Abyssinian fashion. You will eat that, sir, or
fight me, he said. When the gentleman had
eaten up the raw flesh (most willingly would
he have eaten his words instead), Bruce calmly
observed, * Now, sir, you will never again say it
is impossible. In reality, Bruce seems to have
been treated with much the same injustice as Hero
dotus. The truth of the bulk of his narrative has
been fully established, although a passion for the
picturesque may certainly have led him to embel
lish many of the minor particulars. And it must
be remembered, that his book was not dictated
until twelve years after the events narrated.
Apart from Bruce, however, the sequel, like the
INTRODUCTION xxxiii
previous continuation, contains a great variety of
political, literary, and other allusions of the most
purely topical character Dr. Johnson s Tour in
the Hebrides, Mr. Pitt, Burke s famous pamphlet
upon the French Revolution, Captain Cook, Tip-
poo Sahib (who had been brought to bay by Lord
Cornwallis between 1790 and 1792). The revolu
tionary pandemonium in Paris, and the royal flight
to Varennes in June 1791, and the loss of the
"Royal George" in 1782, all form the subjects of
quizzical comments, and there are many other
allusions the interest of which is quite as
ephemeral as those of a Drury Lane pantomime
or a Gaiety Burlesque.
Nevertheless the accretions have proved power
less to spoil "Munchausen." The nucleus supplied
by Raspe was instinct with so much energy that
it has succeeded in vitalising the whole mass of
extraneous extravagance.
Although, like "Gulliver s Travels," "Munchau
sen" might at first sight appear to be ill-suited,
in more than one respect, for the nursery, yet it
has proved the delight of children of all ages ;
and there are probably few, in the background
of whose childish imagination the astonishing
Munchausen has not at one time or another,
together with Robinson Crusoe, Jack-the-Giant-
xxxiv INTRODUCTION
Killer, and the Pied Piper of Hamelyn, assumed
proportions at once gigantic and seductively
picturesque.
The work, as has been shown, assumed its final
form before the close of the eighteenth century ;
with the nineteenth it commenced its triumphant
progress over the civilised world. Some of the
subsequent transformations and migrations of the
book are worthy of brief record.
A voluminous German continuation was pub
lished at Stendhal in three volumes between 1 794
and 1800. There was also a continuation com
prising exploits at Walcheren, the Dardanelles,
Talavera, Cintra, and elsewhere, published in
London in 1811. An elaborate French transla
tion, with embellishments in the French manner,
appeared at Paris in 1862. Immerman s cele
brated novel entitled "Munchausen was pub
lished in four volumes at Dusseldorf in 1841, and
a very free rendering of the Baron s exploits,
styled " Munchausen s Lugenabenteuer," at Leip-
sic in 1846. The work has also been translated
into Dutch, Danish, Magyar (Bard de Manx),
Russian, Portuguese, Spanish (El Conde de las
Maravillas), and many other tongues, and an
estimate that over one hundred editions have
appeared in England, Germany, and America
INTRODUCTION xxxv
alone, is probably rather under than above the
mark.
The book has, moreover, at the same time
provided illustrations to writers and orators, and
the richest and most ample material for illustra
tions to artists. The original rough woodcuts
are anonymous, but the possibilities of the work
were discovered as early as 1809, by Thomas
Rowlandson, who illustrated the edition published
in that year. The edition of 1859 owed embel
lishments to Crowquill, while Cruikshank supplied
some characteristic woodcuts to that of 1869.
Coloured designs for the travels were executed by
a French artist Richard in 1878, and illustrations
were undertaken independently for the German
editions by Riepenhausen and Hosemann respec
tively. The German artist Adolph Schrodter has
also painted a celebrated picture representing the
Baron surrounded by his listeners. But of all
the illustrations yet invented, the general verdict
has hitherto declared in favour of those supplied
to Theophile Gautier s French edition of 1862 by
Gustave Dore, who fully maintained by them the
reputation he had gained for work of a similar
genre in his drawings for Balzac s Contes Dro-
latiques. When, however, the public has had an
opportunity of appreciating the admirably fan-
xxxvi INTRODUCTION
tastic drawings made by Mr. William Strang
and Mr. J. B. Clark for the present edition, they
will probably admit that Baron Munchausen s
indebtedness to his illustrators, already very
great, has been more than doubled.
PREFACE
TO
THE FIRST EDITION
AEON MUNNIKHOUSON or Mun-
chausen, of Bodenweder, near Ha-
melyn on the Weser, belongs to the
noble family of that name, which gave
to the King s German dominions
the late prime minister and several other public
characters equally bright and illustrious. He is
a man of great original humour ; and having found
that prejudiced minds cannot be reasoned into
common sense, and that bold assertors are very
apt to bully and speak their audience out of it,
he never argues with either of them, but adroitly
turns the conversation upon indifferent topics and
then tells a story of his travels, campaigns, and
sporting adventures, in a manner peculiar to him
self, and well calculated to awaken and shame the
d
xxxviii PREFACE TO THE FIRST EDITION
common sense of those who have" lost sight of it
by prejudice or habit.
As this method has been often attended with
good success, we beg leave to lay some of his
stories before the public, and humbly request
those who shall find them rather extravagant and
bordering upon tjie marvellous, which will require
but a very moderate share of common sense, to
exercise the same upon every occurrence of life,
and chiefly upon our English politics, in which
old habits and bold assertions, set off by eloquent
speeches and supported by constitutional mobs,
associations, volunteers, and foreign influence,
have of late, we apprehend, but too successfully
turned our brains, and made us the laughing
stock of Europe, and of France and Holland in
particular.
TO THE PUBLIC
AVING heard, for the first time, that
my adventures have been doubted,
and looked upon as jokes, I feel
bound to come forward and vindi
cate my character for veracity, by paying three
shillings at the Mansion House of this great
city for the affidavits hereto appended.
This I have been forced into in regard of
my own honour, although I have retired for
many years from public and private life; and
I hope that this, my last edition, will place
me in a proper light with my readers.
XXXIX
AT THE CITY OF LONDON, ENGLAND.
We, the undersigned, as true believers in the
profit, do most solemnly affirm, that all the
adventures of our friend Baron Munchausen,
in whatever country they may lie, are positive
and simple facts. And, as we have been
believed, whose adventures are tenfold more
wonderful, so do we hope all true believers
will give him their fall faith and credence.
GULLIVER x
. . SINBAD. x
ALADDIN, x
Sworn at the Mansion House
gth Nov. last, in the absence
of the Lord Mayor.
JOHN (the Porter).
CONTENTS
CHAPTER I.
PAGE
The Baron relates an Account of his first Travels The aston
ishing Effects of a Storm Arrives at Ceylon ; combats
and conquers two extraordinary Opponents Returns to
Holland i
CHAPTER II.
In which the Baron proves himself a good Shot He loses his
Horse, and finds a Wolf Makes him draw his Sledge
Promises to entertains his Company with a Relation of
such Facts as are well deserving their Notice 10
CHAPTER III.
An Encounter between the Baron s Nose and a Door-Post, with
its wonderful effects Fifty Brace of Ducks and other
Fowl destroyed by one Shot Flogs a Fox out of his Skin
Leads an old Sow home in a new way, and vanquishes
a wild Boar . . . . . . . . 17
CHAPTER IV.
Reflections on St. Hubert s Stag Shoots a Stag with Cherry
stones ; the wonderful effects of it Kills a Bear by extra-
xli
xlii CONTENTS
PAQK
ordinary Dexterity ; his Danger pathetically described-
Attacked by a Wolf, which he turns inside out Is assailed
by a mad Dog, from which he escapes The Baron s Cloak
seized with Madness, by which his whole Wardrobe is
thrown into Confusion . . . . . .21
CHAPTER V.
The effects of great Activity and Presence of Mind A favourite
Hound described, which pups while pursuing a Hare ; the
Hare also litters while pursued by the Hound Presented
with a famous Horse by Count Przobossky, with which
he performs many extraordinary Feats . 28
CHAPTER VI.
The Baron is made a Prisoner of War, and sold for a Slave
Keeps the Sultan s Bees, which are attacked by two Bears
Loses one of his Bees ; a Silver Hatchet, which he
throws at the Bears, rebounds and flies up to the Moon ;
brings it back by an ingenious Invention ; falls to the
Earth on his Return, and helps himself out of a Pit-
Extricates himself from a Carriage, which meets him in a
narrow Road, in a manner never before attempted, nor
practised since The wonderful Effects of the Frost upon
his Servant s French-horn . .... 40
CHAPTER VII.
The Baron relates his Adventures on a Voyage to North
America, which are well worth the Reader s Attention-
Pranks of a Whale A Sea-gull saves a Sailor s life The
Baron s Head forced into his Stomach A dangerous Leak
stopped d posteriori ........ 47
CONTENTS xliii
CHAPTER VIII.
PAGE
Bathes in the Mediterranean Meets an unexpected Com
panion Arrives unintentionally in the Regions of Heat
and Darkness, from which he is extricated by dancing
a Hornpipe Frightens his Deliverers, and returns on
Shore 53
CHAPTER IX.
Adventures in Turkey, and upon the River Nile Sees a
Balloon over Constantinople ; shoots at and brings it down ;
finds a French experimental Philosopher suspended from
it Goes on an Embassy to Grand Cairo, and returns upon
the Nile, where he is thrown into an unexpected Situation,
and detained six weeks . . . . . . 58
CHAPTER X.
Pays a Visit, during the Siege of Gibraltar, to his old Friend
General Elliot Sinks a Spanish Man-of-War Wakes
an old woman on the African Coast Destroys all the
Enemy s Cannon Frightens the Count d Artois, and
sends him to Paris Saves the Lives of two English
Spies with the identical Sling that killed Goliah, and
raises the Siege . . . . . . . -65
CHAPTER XI.
An interesting Account of the Baron s Ancestors A Quarrel
relative to the Spot where Noah built his Ark The
History of the Sling and its Properties A favourite Poet
introduced upon no very reputable Occasion Queen
Elizabeth s Abstinence The Baron s Father crosses from
England to Holland, upon a Marine Horse, which he sells
for Seven Hundred Ducats 75
xliv CONTENTS
CHAPTER XII.
PAGE
The Frolic ; its Consequences Windsor Castle St. Paul s
College of Physicians, Undertakers, Sextons, &c., almost
ruined Industry of the Apothecaries . . . .81
CHAPTER XIII.
The Baron sails with Captain Phipps Attacks two large Bears,
and has a very narrow Escape Gains the Confidence of
these Animals, and then destroys Thousands of them ;
loads the Ship with their Hams and Skins ; makes
Presents of the former, and obtains a general Invitation
to all City Feasts A dispute between the Captain and
the Baron, in which, from Motives of Politeness, the
Captain is suffered to gain his Point The Baron de
clines the Honour of a Throne, and an Empress into
the Bargain .84
CHAPTER XIV.
Our Baron excels Baron Tott beyond all Comparison, yet fails
in part of his Attempt Gets into disgrace with the
Grand Seignior, who orders his Head to be cut off-
Escapes, and gets on board a Vessel, in which he is carried
to Venice Baron Tott s Origin, with some Account of
that great man s Parents Pope Ganganelli s Amour
His Holiness fond of Shell-fish 92
CHAPTER XV.
A further Account of the Journey from Harwich to Helvoet-
sluys Description of a number of Marine Objects never
mentioned by any Traveller before Rocks seen in this
Passage equal to the Alps in Magnitude ; Lobsters, Crabs,
CONTENTS xlv
PAQK
&c., of an extraordinary Magnitude A Woman s Life
saved ; the Cause of her falling into the Sea ; Dr. Hawes s
Directions followed with Success 101
CHAPTER XVI.
This is a very short Chapter, but contains a Fact for which
the Baron s Memory ought to be dear to every English
man, especially those who may hereafter have the Mis
fortune of being made Prisoners of War . . . .107
CHAPTER xvii.
Voyage Eastward The Baron introduces a Friend who never
deceived him ; wins a Hundred Guineas by pinning his
Faith upon that Friend s Nose Game started at Sea-
Some other Circumstances which will, it is hoped, afford
the Reader no small Degree of Amusement . . .109
CHAPTER XVIII.
A second Visit (but an accidental one) to the Moon The Ship
driven by a Whirlwind a Thousand Leagues above the
Surface of the Water, where a new Atmosphere meets
them, and carries them into a capacious Harbour in the
Moon A Description of the Inhabitants, and their
Manner of coming into the Lunarian World Animals,
Customs, Weapons of War, Wines, Vegetables, &c. . . 1 1 3
CHAPTER XIX.
The Baron crosses the Thames without the Assistance of a
Bridge, Ship, Boat, Balloon, or even his own Will ; rouses
himself after a Long Nap, and destroys a Monster who
lived upon the Destruction of others . . . . 1 20
xlvi CONTENTS
CHAPTER XX.
PAGE
The Baron slips through the World ; after paying a Visit to
Mount Etna, he finds himself in the South Sea ; visits
Vulcan in his Passage ; gets on board a Dutchman ;
arrives at an Island of Cheese, surrounded by a Sea of
Milk ; describes some very extraordinary Objects Lose
their Compass ; their Ship slips between the Teeth of a
Fish unknown in this part of the World ; their Difficulty
in escaping from thence ; arrive in the Caspian Sea
Starves a Bear to Death A few Waistcoat Anecdotes
In this Chapter, which is the longest, the Baron moralises
upon the Virtue of Veracity .... . 1 24
SUPPLEMENT
Extraordinary Flight on the Back of an Eagle over France to
Gibraltar, South and North America, the Polar Regions,
and back to England, within Six-and-Thirty Hours . 142
Preface to the Second Volume 163
CHAPTER XXL
The Baron insists on the Veracity of his former Memoirs-
Forms a Design of making Discoveries in the Interior
Parts of Africa His Discourse with Hilaro Frosticos
about it His Conversation with Lady Fragrantia The
Baron goes with other Persons of Distinction to Court ;
relates an Anecdote of the Marquis de Bellecourt . .167
CONTENTS xlvii
i
CHAPTER XXII.
PAGE
Preparations for the Baron s Expedition into Africa Descrip
tion of his Chariot : the Beauties of its interior Decora
tions ; the Animals that drew it ; and Mechanism of the
wheels 177
CHAPTER XXIII.
The Baron proceeds on his Voyage Convoys a Squadron to
Gibraltar Declines the acceptance of the Island of
Candia His Chariot damaged by Pompey s Pillar and
Cleopatra s Needle The Baron outdoes Alexander
Breaks his Chariot, and splits a great Rock at the Cape of
Good Hope 181
CHAPTER XXIV.
The Baron secures his Chariot, &c., at the Cape, and takes his
Passage for England in a homeward-bound Indiaman
Wrecked upon an Island of Ice near the Coast of Guinea
Escapes from the Wreck, and rears a variety of Vege
tables upon the Island Meets some Vessels belonging to
the Negroes bringing White Slaves from Europe, in Re
taliation, to work upon their Plantations in a cold Climate
near the South Pole Arrives in England and lays an
Account of his Expedition before the Privy Council
Great Preparations for a new Expedition The Sphinx,
Gog and Magog, and a great Company attend him The
Ideas of Hilaro Frosticos respecting the Interior Parts of
Africa 188
CHAPTER XXV.
Count Gosamer thrown by Sphinx into the Snow on the Top
of Teneriffe Gog and Magog conduct Sph inx for the rest
xlviiii CONTENTS
PAGE
of the Voyage The Baron arrives at the Cape, and unites
his former chariot, &c., to his new retinue Passes into
Africa, proceeding from the Cape northward Defeats a
Host of Lions by a curious Stratagem Travels through
an immense Desert His whole Company, Chariot, &c.,
overwhelmed by a Whirlwind of Sand Extricates them,
and arrives in a fertile Country 198
CHAPTER XXVI.
A Feast on live Bulls and Kava The Inhabitants admire the
European Adventurers The Emperor comes to meet the
Baron, and pays him great Compliments The inhabitants
of the centre of Africa descended from the people of the
Moon, proved by an Inscription in Africa, and by the
analogy of their Language, which is also the same with
that of the ancient Scythians The Baron is declared
Sovereign of the Interior of Africa on the Decease of the
Emperor He endeavours to abolish the Custom of eating
live Bulls, which excites much Discontent The advice of
Hilaro Frosticos upon the Occasion The Baron makes a
Speech to the Assembly of the States, which only excites
greater murmurs He consults with Hilaro Frosticos . 211
* CHAPTER XXVII.
A Proclamation by the Baron Excessive Curiosity of the
People to know what Fudge was The People in a general
Ferment about it They break open all the Granaries in
the Empire The Affections of the People conciliated-
An Ode performed in Honour of the Baron His discourse
with Fragrantia on the excellence of the Music . .222
CHAPTER XXVIII.
The Baron sets all the People of the Empire to work to build
a Bridge from their country to Great Britain His con-
CONTENTS xlix
PAGE
trivance to render the Arch secure Orders an Inscription
to be engraved on the Bridge Returns with all his Com
pany, Chariot, &c., to England Surveys the Kingdoms
and Nations under him from the Middle of the Bridge . 231
CHAPTER XXIX.
The Baron s Retinue is opposed in an heroic style by Don
Quixote, who in his turn is attacked by Gog and Magog
Lord Whittington, with the Lord Mayor s Show, comes
to the Assistance of Don Quixote Gog and Magog Assail
his Lordship Lord Whittington makes a speech, and
deludes Gog and Magog to his party A general Scene of
Uproar and Battle among the Company ; until the Baron,
with great Presence of Mind, appeases the Tumult . .239
CHAPTER XXX.
The Baron arrives in England The Colossus of Rhodes comes
to congratulate him Great Rejoicings on the Baron s
Return, and a tremendous Concert The Baron s Discourse
with Fragrantia, and her Opinion of the Tour to the
Hebrides .......... 247
CHAPTER XXXI.
A litigated contention between Don Quixote, Gog, Magog, &c.,
A grand Court assembled upon it The Appearance of
the Company The Matrons, Judges, &c. The Method of
Writing, and the Use of the fashionable Amusement
Quizzes Wauwau arrives from the Country of Prester
John, and leads the whole Assembly a Wild-goose Chase
to the Top of Plinlimmon, and thence to Virginia The
CONTENTS
PACK
Baron meets a Floating Island in his Voyage to America
Pursues Wauwau with his whole Company through the
Deserts of North America His curious Contrivance to
seize Wauwau in a Morass 252
CHAPTER XXXII.
The Baron harangues the company, and they continue the
pursuit The Baron, wandering from his Retinue, is
taken by the Savages, scalped, and tied to a Stake to be
roasted ; but he contrives to extricate himself, and kills
the savages The Baron Travels overland through the
Forests of North America to the Confines of Russia-
Arrives at the Castle of the Nareskin Rowskimow-
mowsky, and gallops into the Kingdom of Loggerheads
A Battle, in which the Baron fights the Nareskin in
single Combat, and generously gives him his life-
Arrives at the Friendly Islands, and discourses with
Omai The Baron with all his Attendants goes from
Otaheite to the Isthmus of Darien, and having cut a
Canal across the Isthmus, returns to England . . .26:
CHAPTER XXXIII.
The Baron goes to Petersburgh, and converses with the
Empress Persuades the Russians and Turks to cease
cutting one another s Throats, and in concert cut a Canal
across the Isthmus of Suez The Baron discovers the
Alexandrian Library, and meets with Hermes Trismegistus
Besieges Seringapatam, and challenges Tippoo Sahib to
single Combat They fight The Baron receives some
Wounds on his Face, but at last vanquishes the Tyrant
The Baron returns to Europe, and raises the Hull of the
" Royal George " 279
CONTENTS
CHAPTER XXXIY.
PAGE
The Baron makes a Speech to the National Assembly, and drives
out all the Members Eouts the Fishwomen and the
National Guards Pursues the whole Rout into a Church,
where he defeats the National Assembly, &c., with
Rousseau, Voltaire, and Beelzebub at their Head, and
liberates Marie Antoinette and the Royal Family . . 292
TRAVELS OF
BARON MUNCHAUSEN
CHAPTER I
[THE BARON IS SUPPOSED TO RELATE THESE
ADVENTURES TO HIS FRIENDS OVER A BOTTLE.]
The Baron relates an account of his first travels The astonish
ing effects of a storm Arrives at Ceylon ; combats and conquers
two extraordinary opponents Returns to Holland.
OME years before my beard an
nounced approaching manhood, or,
in other words, when I was neither
man nor boy, but between both, I
expressed in repeated conversations
a strong desire of seeing the world, from which I
was discouraged by my parents, though my father
2 TRAVELS OF
had been no inconsiderable traveller himself, as
will appear before I have reached the end of my
singular, and, I may add, interesting adventures.
A cousin, by my mother s side, took a liking to me,
often said I was a fine forward youth, and was
much inclined to gratify my curiosity. His elo
quence had more effect than mine, for my father
consented to my accompanying him in a voyage
to the island of Ceylon, where his uncle had resided
as governor many years.
We sailed from Amsterdam with despatches from
their High Mightinesses the States of Holland.
The only circumstance which happened on our
voyage worth relating was the wonderful effects
of a storm, which had torn up by the roots a
great number of trees of enormous bulk and
height, in an island where we lay at anchor to
take in wood and water; some of these trees
weighed many tons, yet they were carried by the
wind so amazingly high, that they appeared like
the feathers of small birds floating in the air, for
they were at least five miles above the earth :
however, as soon as the storm subsided they all
fell perpendicularly into their respective places,
and took root again, except the largest, which
happened, when it was blown into the air, to have
a man and his wife, a very honest old couple,
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 3
upon its branches, gathering cucumbers (in this
part of the globe that useful vegetable grows upon
trees) : the weight of this couple, as the tree
descended, over-balanced the trunk, and brought
it down in a horizontal position : it fell upon the
chief man of the island, and killed him on the
spot ; he had quitted his house in the storm,
under an apprehension of its falling upon him,
and was returning through his own garden when
this fortunate accident happened. The word
fortunate, here, requires some explanation. This
chief was a man of a very avaricious and oppres
sive disposition, and though he had no family,
the natives of the island were half- starved by
his oppressive and infamous impositions.
The very goods which he had thus taken from
them were spoiling in his stores, while the poor
wretches from whom they were plundered were
pining in poverty. Though the destruction of
this tyrant was accidental, the people chose the
cucumber-gatherers for their governors, as a mark
of their gratitude for destroying, though acciden
tally, their late tyrant.
After we had repaired the damages we sus
tained in this remarkable storm, and taken leave
of the new governor and his lady, we sailed with
a fair wind for the object of our voyage.
4 TRAVELS OF
In about six weeks we arrived at Ceylon, where
we were received with great marks of friendship
and true politeness. The following singular ad
ventures may not prove unentertaining.
After we had resided at Ceylon about a fort
night I accompanied one of the governor s brothers
upon a shooting party. He was a strong, athletic
man, and being used to that climate (for he had
resided there some years), he bore the violent
heat of the sun much better than I could ; in our
excursion he had made a considerable progress
through a thick wood when I was only at the
entrance.
Near the banks of a large piece of water, which
had engaged my attention, I thought I heard a
rustling noise behind ; on turning about I was
almost petrified (as who would not be ? ) at the
sight of a lion, which was evidently approaching
with the intention of satisfying his appetite with my
poor carcase, and that without asking my consent.
What was to be done in this horrible dilemma ? I
had not even a moment for reflection ; my piece
was only charged with swan-shot, and I had no
other about me : however, though I could have
no idea of killing such an animal with that weak
kind of ammunition, yet I had some hopes of
frightening him by the report, and perhaps of
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 7
wounding him also. I immediately let fly, with
out waiting till he was within reach, and the
report did but enrage him, for he now quickened
his pace, and seemed to approach me full speed :
I attempted to escape, but that only added (if an
addition could be made) to my distress ; for the
moment I turned about I found a large crocodile,
with his mouth extended almost ready to receive
me. On my right hand was the piece of water
before mentioned, and on my left a deep precipice,
said to have, as I have since learned, a receptacle
at the bottom for venomous creatures ; in short I
gave myself up as lost, for the lion was now upon
his hind-legs, just in the act of seizing me ; I fell
involuntarily to the ground with fear, and, as it
afterwards appeared, he sprang over me. I lay
some time in a situation which no language can
describe, expecting to feel his teeth or talons in
some part of me every moment : after waiting in
this prostrate situation a few seconds I heard a
violent but unusual noise, different from any
sound that had ever before assailed my ears ; nor
is it at all to be wondered at, when I inform you
from whence it proceeded : after listening for some
time, I ventured to raise my head and look round,
when, to my unspeakable joy, I perceived the lion
had, by the eagerness with which he sprung at
8 TRAVELS OF
me, jumped forward, as I fell, into the crocodile s
mouth ! which, as before observed, was wide open ;
the head of the one stuck in the throat of the
other ! and they were struggling to extricate them
selves ! I fortunately recollected my couteau de
chasse, which was by my side ; with this instru
ment I severed the lion s head at one blow, and
the body fell at my feet ! I then, with the butt-end
of my fowling-piece, rammed the head farther into
the throat of the crocodile, and destroyed him by
suffocation, for he could neither gorge nor eject it.
Soon after I had thus gained a complete victory
over my two powerful adversaries, my companion
arrived in search of me ; for finding I did not
follow him into the wood, he returned, appre
hending I had lost my way, or met with some
accident.
After mutual congratulations, we measured the
crocodile, which was just forty feet in length.
As soon as we had related this extraordinary
adventure to the governor, he sent a waggon and
servants, who brought home the two carcases.
The lion s skin was properly preserved, with its
hair on, after which it was made into tobacco-
pouches, and presented by me, upon our return
to Holland, to the burgomasters, who, in return,
requested my acceptance of a thousand ducats.
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 9
The skin of the crocodile was stuffed in the
usual manner, and makes a capital article in their
public museum at Amsterdam, where the exhibitor
relates the whole story to each spectator, with
such additions as he thinks proper. Some of his
variations are rather extravagant ; one of them is,
that the lion jumped quite through the crocodile,
and was making his escape at the back door,
when, as soon as his head appeared, Monsieur the
Great Baron (as he is pleased to call me) cut it
off, and three feet of the crocodile s tail along
with it ; nay, so little attention has this fellow to
the truth, that he sometimes adds, as soon as the
crocodile missed his tail, he turned about, snatched
the couteau de chasse out of Monsieur s hand, and
swallowed it with such eagerness that it pierced
his heart and killed him immediately !
The little regard which this impudent knave
has to veracity makes me sometimes apprehensive
that my real facts may fall under suspicion, by
being found in company with his confounded
inventions.
CHAPTER II
In which the Baron proves himself a good shot He loses his
horse, and finds a wolf Makes him draw his sledge Pro
mises to entertain his company with a relation of such facts as
are ivell deserving their notice.
SET off from Eome on a journey to
Russia, in the midst of winter, from
a just notion that frost and snow
must of course mend the roads, which
every traveller had described as
uncommonly bad through the northern parts of
Germany, Poland, Courland, and Livonia. I went
on horseback, as the most convenient manner of
travelling ; I was but lightly clothed, and of this
I felt the inconvenience the more I advanced
north-east. What must not a poor old man have
suffered in that severe weather and climate, whom
I saw on a bleak common in Poland, lying on the
road, helpless, shivering, and hardly having where
withal to cover his nakedness? I pitied the poor
soul : though I felt the severity of the air myself,
I threw my mantle over him, and immediately I
10
BARON MUNCHAUSEN
ii
heard a voice from the heavens, blessing me for
that piece of charity, saying
You will be rewarded, my son, for this in time.
i2 TRAVELS OF
I went on : night and darkness overtook me.
No village was to be seen. The country was
covered with snow, and I was unacquainted with
the road.
Tired, I alighted, and fastened my horse to
something like a pointed stump of a tree, which
appeared above the snow ; for the sake of safety
I placed my pistols under my arm, and laid down
on the snow, where I slept so soundly that I did
not open my eyes till full daylight. It is not
easy to conceive my astonishment to find myself
in the midst of a village, lying in a churchyard ;
nor was my horse to be seen, but I heard him soon
after neigh somewhere above me. On looking up
wards I beheld him hanging by his bridle to the
weather-cock of the steeple. Matters were now
very plain to me : the village had been covered
with snow overnight; a sudden change of weather
had taken place ; I had sunk down to the church
yard whilst asleep, gently, and in the same pro
portion as the snow had melted away; and what
in the dark I had taken to be a stump of a little
tree appearing above the snow, to which I had
tied my horse, proved to have been the cross or
weather-cock of the steeple !
Without long consideration I took one of my
pistols, shot the bridle in two, brought down the
MUNCHAVSEN 13
horse, and proceeded on my journey. [Here the
Baron seems to have forgot his feelings ; he
should certainly have ordered his horse a feed of
corn, after fasting so long.]
He carried me well advancing into the in
terior parts of Russia. I found travelling on
horseback rather unfashionable in winter, there
fore I submitted, as I always do, to the custom
of the country, took a single horse sledge, and
drove briskly towards St. Petersburg. I do not
exactly recollect whether it was in Eastland or
Jugemanland, but I remember that in the midst
of a dreary forest I spied a terrible wolf making
after me, with all the speed of ravenous winter
hunger. He soon overtook me. There was no
possibility of escape. Mechanically I laid myself
down flat in the sledge, and let my horse run for
our safety. What I wished, but hardly hoped or
expected, happened immediately after. The wolf
did not mind me in the least, but took a leap over
me, and falling furiously on the horse, began
instantly to tear and devour the hind-part of the
poor animal, which ran the faster for his pain and
terror. Thus unnoticed and safe myself, I lifted
my head slyly up, and with horror I beheld that
the wolf had ate his way into the horse s body ;
it was not long before he had fairly forced himself
i 4 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
into it, when I took my advantage, and fell upon
him with the butt-end of my whip. This un
expected attack in his rear frightened him so
much, that he leaped forward with all his might :
the horse s carcase dropped on the ground, but in
his place the wolf was in the harness, and I on
my part whipping him continually : we both
arrived in full career safe at St. Petersburg, con
trary to our respective expectations, and very
much to the astonishment of the spectators.
I shall not tire you, gentlemen, with the politics,
arts, sciences, and history of this magnificent
metropolis of Russia, nor trouble you with the
various intrigues and pleasant adventures I had
in the politer circles of that country, where the
lady of the house always receives the visitor with
a dram and a salute. I shall confine myself rather
to the greater and nobler objects of your atten
tion, horses and dogs, my favourites in the brute
creation ; also to foxes, wolves, and bears, with
which, and game in general, Russia abounds more
than any other part of the world ; and to such
sports, manly exercises, and feats of gallantry and
activity, as show the gentleman better than musty
Greek or Latin, or all the perfume, finery, and
capers of French wits or petit-maitres.
CHAPTER III
An encounter between the Baron s nose and a door-post, with its
wonderful effects Fifty brace of ducks and other fowl destroyed
by one shot Flogs a fox oiit of his skin Leads an old sow
home in a new way, and vanquishes a wild boar.
T was some time before I could obtain
a commission in the army, and for
several months I was perfectly at
liberty to sport away my time and
money in the most gentleman-like
manner. You may easily imagine that I spent
much of both out of town with such gallant fellows
as knew how to make the most of an open forest
country. The very recollection of those amuse
ments gives me fresh spirits, and creates a warm
wish for a repetition of them. One morning I
saw, through the windows of my bed-room, that
a large pond not far off was covered with wild
ducks. In an instant I took my gun from the
corner, ran down-stairs and out of the house in
such a hurry, that I imprudently struck my face
against the door-post. Fire flew out of my eyes,
17
i8
TRAVELS OF
but it did not prevent my intention ; I soon came
within shot, when, levelling my piece, I observed
to my sorrow, that even the flint had sprung
from the cock by the violence of the shock I had
just received. There was no time to be lost. I
presently remembered the
effect it had on my eyes,
therefore opened the pan,
levelled my piece against
the wild fowls, and my fist
against one of my eyes. [The
Baron s eyes have retained
fire ever since, and appear
particularly illuminated when
he relates this anecdote.] A
hearty blow drew sparks
again ; the shot went off, and
I killed fifty brace of ducks,
twenty widgeons, and three
couple of teals. Presence of
mind is the soul of manly
exercises. If soldiers and sailors owe to it many
of their lucky escapes, hunters and sportsmen are
not less beholden to it for many of their successes.
In a noble forest in Russia I met a fine black fox,
whose valuable skin it would have been a pity to
tear by ball or shot, Eeynard stood close to a tree,
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 19
In a twinkling I took out my ball, and placed a
good spike-nail in its room, fired, and hit him so
cleverly that I nailed his brush fast to the tree. I
now went up to him, took out my hanger, gave
him a cross-cut over the face, laid hold of my
whip, and fairly flogged him out of his fine skin.
Chance and good luck often correct our mis
takes ; of this I had a singular instance soon
after, when, in the depth of a forest, I saw a wild
pig and sow running close behind each other.
My ball had missed them, yet the foremost -pig
only ran away, and the sow stood motionless, as
fixed to the ground. On examining into the
20 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
matter, I found the latter one to be an old sow,
blind with age, which had taken hold of her pig s
tail, in order to be led along by filial duty. My
ball, having passed between the two, had cut his
leading- string, which the old sow continued to hold
in her mouth ; and as her former guide did not
draw her on any longer, she had stopped of course ;
I therefore laid hold of the remaining end of the
pig s tail, and led the old beast home without
any further trouble on my part, and without any
reluctance or apprehension on the part of the
helpless old animal.
Terrible as these wild sows are, yet more fierce
and dangerous are the boars, one of which I had
once the misfortune to meet in a forest, unprepared
for attack or defence. I retired behind an oak-
tree just when the furious animal levelled a side-
blow at me, with such force, that his tusks pierced
through the tree, by which means he could neither
repeat the blow nor retire. Ho, ho ! thought I, I
shall soon have you now ! and immediately I laid
hold of a stone, wherewith I hammered and bent
his tusks in such a manner, that he could not re
treat by any means, and must wait my return from
tha next village, whither I went for ropes and a
cart, to secure him properly, and to carry him off
safe and alive, in which I perfectly succeeded,
CHAPTER IV
Reflections on Saint Hubert s stag Shoots a stag with cherry
stones ; the wonderful effects of it Kills a bear by extraordinary
dexterity ; his danger pathetically described Attacked by a wolf,
which he turns inside out Is assailed by a mad dog, from
which he escapes The Baroris cloak seized with madness, by
which his whole wardrobe is thrown into confusion.
OTJ have heard, I dare say, of the
hunter and sportsman s saint and
protector, St. Hubert, and of the
noble stag, which appeared to him
in the forest, with the holy cross
between his antlers. I have paid my homage to
that saint every year in good fellowship, and
seen this stag a thousand times, either painted
in churches, or embroidered in the stars of his
knights ; so that, upon the honour and conscience
of a good sportsman, I hardly know whether there
may not have been formerly, or whether there
are not such crossed stags even at this present
day. But let me rather tell what I have seen
myself. Having one day spent all my shot, I
found myself unexpectedly in presence of a
21
22 TRAVELS OF
stately stag, looking at me as unconcernedly as if
he had known of my empty pouches. I charged
immediately with powder, and upon it a good
handful of cherry-stones, for I had sucked the
fruit as far as the hurry would permit. Thus I
let fly at him, and hit him just on the middle of
the forehead, between his antlers ; it stunned him
-he staggered yet he made off. A year or two
after, being with a party in the same forest, I
beheld a noble stag with a fine full grown cherry-
tree above ten feet high between his antlers. I
immediately recollected my former adventure,
looked upon him as my property, and brought
him to the ground by one shot, which at once
gave me the haunch and cherry-sauce ; for the
tree was covered with the richest fruit, the like
I had never tasted before. Who knows but
some passionate holy sportsman, or sporting abbot
or bishop, may have shot, planted, and fixed
the cross between the antlers of St. Hubert s
stag, in a manner similar to this ? They always
have been, and still are, famous for planta
tions of crosses and antlers ; and in a case of
distress or dilemma, which too often happens
to keen sportsmen, one is apt to grasp at any
thing for safety, and to try any expedient rather
than miss the favourable opportunity. I have
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 25
many times found myself in that trying situa
tion.
What do you say of this, for example ? daylight
and powder were spent one day in a Polish forest.
When I was going home a terrible bear made up
to me in great speed, with open mouth, ready to
fall upon me ; all my pockets were searched in an
instant for powder and ball, but in vain ; I found
26 TRAVELS OF
nothing but two spare flints : one I flung with all
my might into the monster s open jaws, down his
throat. It gave him pain and made him turn
about, so that I could level the second at his
back-door, which, indeed, I did with wonderful
success ; for it flew in, met the first flint in the
stomach, struck fire, and blew up the bear with a
terrible explosion. Though I came safe off that
time, yet I should not wish to try it again, or
venture against bears with no other ammunition.
There is a kind of fatality in it. The fiercest
and most dangerous animals generally came upon
me when defenceless, as if they had a notion or
an instinctive intimation of it. Thus a frightful
wolf rushed upon me so suddenly, and so close,
that I could do nothing but follow mechanical
instinct, and thrust my fist into his open mouth.
For safety s sake I pushed on and on, till my
arm was fairly in up to the shoulder. How
should I disengage myself? I was not much
pleased with my awkward situation- -with a wolf
face to face ; our ogling was not of the most
pleasant kind. If I withdrew my arm, then the
animal would fly the more furiously upon me ;
that I saw in his flaming eyes. In short, I laid
hold of his tail, turned him inside out like a glove,
and flung him to the ground, where I left him.
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 27
The same expedient would not have answered
against a mad dog, which soon after came running
against me in a narrow street at St. Petersburg.
Run who can, I thought ; and to do this the
better, I threw off my fur cloak, and was safe
within doors in an instant. I sent my servant for
the cloak, and he put it in the wardrobe with my
other clothes. The day after I was amazed and
frightened by Jack s bawling, " For God s sake,
sir, your fur cloak is mad ! I hastened up to
him, and found almost all my clothes tossed about
and torn to pieces. The fellow was perfectly right
in his apprehensions about the fur cloak s mad
ness. I saw him myself just then falling upon a
fine full-dress suit, which he shook and tossed in
an unmerciful manner.
CHAPTER V
The effects of great activity and presence of mind A favourite
hound described, which pups while pursuing a hare ; the hare
also litters while pursued by the hound Presented with a
famous horse by Count Przobossky, with which he performs
many extraordinary feats.
LL these narrow and lucky escapes,
gentlemen, were chances turned to
advantage by presence of mind and
vigorous exertions, which, taken
together, as everybody knows, make
the fortunate sportsman, sailor, and soldier ; but he
would be a very blamable and imprudent sports
man, admiral, or general, who would always de
pend upon chance and his stars, without troubling
himself about those arts which are their par
ticular pursuits, and without providing the very
best implements, which insure success. I was
not blamable either way ; for I have always been
as remarkable for the excellency of my horses,
dogs, guns, and swords, as for the proper man
ner of using and managing them, so that upon
28
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 31
the whole I may hope to be remembered in the
forest, upon the turf, and in the field. I shall not
enter here into any detail of my stables, kennel,
or armoury ; but a favourite bitch of mine I cannot
help mentioning to you ; she was a greyhound,
and I never had or saw a better. She grew old in
my service, and was not remarkable for her size,
but rather for her uncommon swiftness. I always
coursed with her. Had you seen her you must
have admired her, and would not have wondered
at my predilection, and at my coursing her so
much. She ran so fast, so much, and so long in
my service, that she actually ran off her legs ; so
that, in the latter part of her life, I was under the
necessity of working and using her only as a
terrier, in which quality she still served me many
years.
Coursing one day a hare, which appeared to me
uncommonly big, I pitied my poor bitch, being big
with pups, yet she would course as fast as ever.
I could follow her on horseback only at a great dis
tance. At once I heard a cry as it were of a pack
of hounds but so weak and faint that I hardly
knew what to make of it. Coming up to them, I
was greatly surprised. The hare had littered in
running ; the same had happened to my bitch in
coursing, and there were just as many leverets as,
TRAVELS OF
pups. By instinct the former ran, the latter
coursed : and thus I found myself in possession at
once of six hares, and as many dogs, at the end of
a course which had only begun with one.
I remember this, my wonderful bitch, with the
same pleasure and tenderness as a superb Lithu
anian horse, which no money could have bought.
He became mine by an accident, which gave me
an opportunity of showing my horsemanship to a
great advantage. I was at Count Przobossky s
noble country-seat in Lithuania, and remained with
the ladies at tea in the drawing-room, while the
gentlemen were down in the yard, to see a young
horse of blood which had just arrived from the
stud. We suddenly heard a noise of distress ; I
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 33
hastened down-stairs, and found the horse so
unruly, that nobody durst approach or mount
him. The most resolute horsemen stood dismayed
and aghast ; despondency was expressed in every
countenance, when, in one leap, I was on his
back, took him by surprise, and worked him
quite into gentleness and obedience with the best
display of horsemanship I was master of. Fully
to show this to the ladies, and save them unne
cessary trouble, I forced him to leap in at one of
the open windows of the tea-room, walked round
several times, pace, trot, and gallop, and at last
made him mount the tea-table, there to repeat his
lessons in a pretty style of miniature which was
exceedingly pleasing to the ladies, for he performed
them amazingly well, and did not break either cup
or saucer. It placed me so high in their opinion,
and so well in that of the noble lord, that, with
his usual politeness, he begged I would accept of
this young horse, and ride him full career to con
quest and honour in the campaign against the
Turks, which was soon to be opened, under the
command of Count Munich.
I could not indeed have received a more agree
able present, nor a more ominous one at the
opening of that campaign, in which I made my
apprenticeship as a soldier. A horse so gentle, so
34 TRAVELS OF
spirited, and so fierce at once a lamb and a Buce
phalus, put me always in mind of the soldier s and
the gentleman s duty ! of young Alexander, and of
the astonishing things he performed in the field.
We took the field, among several other reasons,
it seems, with an intention to retrieve the character
of the Russian arms, which had been blemished a
little by Czar Peter s last campaign on the Pruth ;
and this we fully accomplished by several very
fatiguing and glorious campaigns under the com
mand of that great general I mentioned before.
Modesty forbids individuals to arrogate to them
selves great successes or victories, the glory of
which is generally engrossed by the commander
-nay, which is rather awkward, by kings and
queens who never smelt gunpowder but at the
field-days and reviews of their troops ; never saw
a field of battle, or an enemy in battle array.
Nor do I claim any particular share of glory in
the great engagements with the enemy. We all
did our duty, which, in the patriot s, soldier s,
and gentleman s language, is a very comprehen
sive word, of great honour, meaning, and import,
and of which the generality of idle quidnuncs
and coffee-house politicians can hardly form any
but a very mean and contemptible idea. How
ever, having had the command of a body of
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 35
hussars, I went upon several expeditions, with
discretionary powers; and the success I then met
with is, I think, fairly and only to be placed to
my account, and to that of the brave fellows
whom I led on to conquest and to victory. We
had very hot work once in the van of the army,
when we drove the Turks into Oczakow. My
spirited Lithuanian had almost brought me into
a scrape : I had an advanced fore-post, and saw
the enemy coming against me in a cloud of dust,
which left me rather uncertain about their actual
numbers and real intentions : to wrap myself up
in a similar cloud was common prudence, but
would not have much advanced my knowledge,
or answered the end for which I had been sent
out; therefore I let my flankers on both wings
spread to the right and left, and make what dust
they could, and I myself led on straight upon the
enemy, to have a nearer sight of them : in this I
was gratified, for they stood and fought, till, for
fear of my flankers, they began to move off rather
disorderly. This was the moment to fall upon
them with spirit ; we broke them entirely made
a terrible havoc amongst them, and drove them
not only back to a walled town in their rear, but
even through it, contrary to our most sanguine
expectation.
36 TRAVELS OF
The swiftness of my Lithuanian enabled me
to be foremost in the pursuit ; and seeing the
enemy fairly flying through the opposite gate,
I thought it would be prudent to stop in the
market-place, to order the men to rendezvous. I
stopped, gentlemen ; but judge of my astonishment
when in this market-place I saw not one of my
hussars about me ! Are they scouring the other
streets ? or what is become of them ? They could
not be far off, and must, at all events, soon join
me. In that expectation I walked my panting
Lithuanian to a spring in this market-place, and
let him drink. He drank uncommonly, with
an eagerness not to be satisfied, but natural
enough ; for when I looked round for my men,
what should I see, gentlemen ! the hind part
of the poor creature croup and legs were miss
ing, as if he had been cut in two, and the water
ran out as it came in, without refreshing or doing
him any good ! How it could have happened was
quite a mystery to me, till I returned with him
to the town-gate. There I saw, that when I
rushed in pell-mell with the flying enemy, they
had dropped the portcullis (a heavy falling door,
with sharp spikes at the bottom, let down sud
denly to prevent the entrance of an enemy into
a fortified town) unperceived by me, which had
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 39
totally cut off his hind part, that still lay quiver
ing, on the outside of the gate. It would have
been an irreparable loss, had not our farrier con
trived to bring both parts together while hot.
He sewed them up with sprigs and young shoots
of laurels that were at hand ; the wound healed,
and, what could not have happened but to so
glorious a horse, the sprigs took root in his body,
grew up, and formed a bower over me ; so that
afterwards I could go upon many other expedi
tions in the shade of my own and my horse s
laurels.
CHAPTER VI
The Baron is made a prisoner of war, and sold for a slave
Keeps the Sultan s dees, which are attacked by two bears
Loses one of his bees ; a silver hatchet, which he throws at the
bears, rebounds and flies up to the moon ; brings it back by
an ingenious invention ; falls to the earth on his return, and
helps himself out of a pit Extricates himself from a carriage
which meets his in a narrow road, in a manner never before
attempted nor practised since The wonderful effects of the frost
upon his servanfs French horn.
WAS not always successful. I had
the misfortune to be overpowered by
numbers, to be made prisoner of war ;
and, what is worse, but always usual
among the Turks, to be sold for a
slave. [The Baron was afterwards in great favour
with the Grand Seignior, as will appear hereafter.]
In that state of humiliation my daily task was not
very hard and laborious, but rather singular and
irksome. It was to drive the Sultan s bees every
morning to their pasture-grounds, to attend them
all the day long, and against night to drive them
back to their hives. One evening I missed a bee,
BARON MUNCHAUSEN
arid soon observed that two bears had fallen upon
her to tear her to pieces for the honey she carried.
I had nothing like an offensive weapon in my
hands but the silver hatchet, which is the badge
of the Sultan s gardeners
and farmers. I threw it
at the robbers, with an in
tention to frighten them
away, and set the poor
bee at liberty ; but, by
an unlucky turn of my
arm, it flew upwards, and
continued rising till it
reached the moon. How
should I recover it ? how
fetch it down again? I
recollected that Turkey-
beans grow very quick,
and run up to an aston
ishing height. I planted
one immediately; it grew,
and actually fastened it
self to one of the moon s horns. I had no more
to do now but to climb up by it into the moon,
where I safely arrived, and had a troublesome
piece of business before I could find my silver
hatchet, in a place where everything has the
42 TRAVELS OF
brightness of silver ; at last, however, I found it
in a heap of chaff and chopped straw. I was now
for returning : but, alas ! the heat of the sun had
dried up my bean ; it was totally useless for my
descent : so I fell to work, and twisted me a rope
of that chopped straw, as long and as well as I
could make it. This I fastened to one of the
moon s horns, and slid down to the end of it.
Here I held myself fast with the left hand, and
with the hatchet in my right, I cut the long, now
useless end of the upper part, which, when tied to
the lower end, brought me a good deal lower :
this repeated splicing and tying of the rope did
not improve its quality, or bring me down to the
Sultan s farm. I was four or five miles from the
earth at least when it broke ; I fell to the ground
with such amazing violence, that I found myself
stunned, and in a hole nine fathoms deep at least,
made by the weight of my body falling from so
great a height : I recovered, but knew not how to
get out again ; however, I dug slopes or steps
with my finger-nails [the Baron s nails were then
of forty years growth], and easily accomplished it.
Peace was soon after concluded with the Turks,
and gaining my liberty, I left St. Petersburg at the
time of that singular revolution, when the emperor
in his cradle, his mother, the Duke of Brunswick,
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 43
her father, Field-Marshal Munich, and many others
were sent to Siberia. The winter was then so un
commonly severe all over Europe, that ever since
the sun seems to be frost-bitten. At my return to
this place, I felt on the road greater inconveniences
than those I had experienced on my setting out.
I travelled post, and finding myself in a narrow
lane, bid the postillion give a signal with his horn,
that other travellers might not meet us in the
narrow passage. He blew with all his might ; but
his endeavours were in vain, he could not make
the horn sound, which was unaccountable, and
rather unfortunate, for soon after we found our
selves in the presence of another coach coming the
other way : there was no proceeding ; however, I
got out of my carriage, and being pretty strong,
placed it, wheels and all, upon my head : I then
jumped over a hedge about nine feet high (which,
considering the weight of the coach, was rather
difficult) into a field, and came out again by another
jump into the road beyond the other carriage : I
then went back for the horses, and placing one
upon my head, and the other under my left arm,
by the same means brought them to my coach, put
to, and proceeded to an inn at the end of our stage:
I should have told you that the horse under my
arm was very spirited, and not above four years
44 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
old ; in making my second spring over the hedge,
he expressed great dislike to that violent kind of
motion by kicking and snorting ; however, I con
fined his hind legs by putting them into my coat-
pocket. After we arrived at the inn my postillion
and I refreshed ourselves : he hung his horn on a
peg near the kitchen fire ; I sat on the other side.
Suddenly we heard a tereng! tereng ! teng ! teng !
We looked round, and now found the reason why
the postillion had not been able to sound his horn ;
his tunes were frozen up in the horn, and came
out now by thawing, plain enough, and much to
the credit of the driver ; so that the honest fellow
entertained us for some time with a variety of
tunes, without putting his mouth to the horn-
"The King of Prussia s March," " Over the Hill and
over the Dale," with many other favourite tunes ;
at length the thawing entertainment concluded, as
I shall this short account of my Kussian travels.
Some travellers are apt to advance more than
is perhaps strictly true ; if any of the company
entertain a doubt of my veracity, I shall only say
to such, I pity their ivant of faith, and must request
they ivill take leave before I begin the second part
of my adventures, which are as strictly founded
in fact as those I have already related.
CHAPTER VII
The Baron relates his adventures on a voyage to North America,
which are well worth the reader s attention Pranks of a
whale A sea-gull saves a sailor s life The Baroris head
forced into his stomach A dangerous leak stopped a posteriori.
EMBARKED at Portsmouth in a
first-rate English man-of-war, of one
hundred guns, and fourteen hundred
men, for North America. Nothing
worth relating happened till we
arrived within three hundred leagues of the river
St. Laurence, when the ship struck with amazing
force against (as we supposed) a rock ; however,
upon heaving the lead we could find no bottom,
even with three hundred fathom. What made
this circumstance the more wonderful, and indeed
beyond all comprehension, was, that the violence
of the shock was such that we lost our rudder,
broke our bowsprit in the middle, and split all
our masts from top to bottom, two of which went
by the board ; a poor fellow, who was aloft furling
the mainsheet, was flung at least three leagues
47
48 TRAVELS OF
from the ship ; but he fortunately saved his life
by laying hold of the tail of a large sea-gull, who
brought him back, and lodged him on the very
spot from whence he was thrown. Another proof
of the violence of the shock was the force with
which the people between decks were driven
against the floors above them ; my head particu
larly was pressed into my stomach, where it con
tinued some months before it recovered its natural
situation. Whilst we were all in a state of
astonishment at the general and unaccountable
confusion in which we were involved, the whole
was suddenly explained by the appearance of a
large whale, who had been basking, asleep, within
sixteen feet of the surface of the water. This
animal was so much displeased with the disturb
ance which our ship had given him for in our
passage we had with our rudder scratched his
nose that he beat in all the gallery and part of
the quarter-deck with his tail, and almost at the
same instant took the mainsheet anchor, which
was suspended, as it usually is, from the head,
between his teeth, and ran away with the ship, at
least sixty leagues, at the rate of twelve leagues
an hour, when fortunately the cable broke, and
we lost both the whale and the anchor. How
ever, upon our return to Europe, some months
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 51
after, we found the same whale within a few
leagues of the same spot, floating dead upon the
water; it measured above half a mile in length.
As we could take but a small quantity of such a
monstrous animal on board, we got our boats out,
and with much difficulty cut off his head, where,
to our great joy, we found the anchor, and above
forty fathom of the cable, concealed on the left
side of his mouth, just under his tongue. [Per
haps this was the cause of his death, as that side
of his tongue was much swelled, with a great
degree of inflammation.] This was the only ex
traordinary circumstance that happened on this
voyage. One part of our distress, however, I had
like to have forgot : while the whale -was running
away with the ship she sprung a leak, and the
water poured in so fast, that all our pumps could
not keep us from sinking ; it was, however, my
good fortune to discover it first. I found it a
large hole about a foot diameter ; you will natur
ally suppose this circumstance gives me infinite
pleasure, when I inform you that this noble vessel
was preserved, with all its crew, by a most for
tunate thought ! in short, I sat down over it, and
could have dispensed with it had it been larger ;
nor will you be surprised when I inform you
I am descended from Dutch parents. [The
52 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
Baron s ancestors have but lately settled there ; in
another part of his adventures he boasts of royal
blood.]
My situation, while I sat there, was rather cool,
but the carpenter s art soon relieved me.
CHAPTER VIII
Bathes in the Mediterranean Meets an unexpected companion
Arrives unintentionally in the regions of heat and darkness,
from which he is extricated by dancing a hornpipe Frightens
his deliverers, and returns on shore.
WAS once in great danger of being
lost in a most singular manner in
the Mediterranean : I was bathing
in that pleasant sea near Marseilles
one summer s afternoon, when I dis
covered a very large fish, with his jaws quite ex
tended, approaching me with the greatest velocity ;
there was no time to be lost, nor could I possibly
avoid him. I immediately reduced myself to as
small a size as possible, by closing my feet and
placing my hands also near my sides, in which
position I passed directly between his jaws, and
into his stomach, where I remained some time in
total darkness, and comfortably warm, as you may
imagine ; at last it occurred to me, that by giving
him pain he would be glad to get rid of me : as I
had plenty of room, I played my pranks, such as
53
54 TRAVELS OF
.*
tumbling, hop, step, and jump, &c., but nothing
seemed to disturb him so much as the quick motion
of my feet in attempting to dance a hornpipe ; soon
after I began he put me out by sudden fits and
starts : I persevered ; at last he roared horridly,
and stood up almost perpendicularly in the water,
with his head and shoulders exposed, by which he
was discovered by the people on board an Italian
trader, then sailing by, who harpooned him in a
few minutes. As soon as he was brought on board
I heard the crew consulting how they should cut
him up, so as to preserve the greatest quantity of
oil. As I understood Italian, I was in most dread
ful apprehensions lest their weapons employed in
this business should destroy me, also ; therefore I
stood as near the centre as possible, for there was
room enough for a dozen men in this creature s
stomach, and I naturally imagined they would
begin with the extremities ; however, my fears
were soon dispersed, for they began by opening
the bottom of the belly. As soon as I perceived
a glimmering of light I called out lustily to be re
leased from a situation in which I was now almost
suffocated. It is impossible for me to do justice
to the degree and kind of astonishment which sat
upon every countenance at hearing a human voice
issue from a fish, but more so at seeing a naked
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 57
man walk upright out of his body; in short,
gentlemen, I told them the whole story, as I have
done you, whilst amazement struck them dumb.
After taking some refreshment, and jumping
into the sea to cleanse myself, I swam to my
clothes, which lay where I had left them on the
shore. As near as I can calculate, I was near
four hours and a half confined in the stomach of
this animal.
CHAPTER IX
Adventures in Turkey, and upon the river Nile Sees a balloon
over Constantinople : shoots at, and brings it down ; finds a
French experimental philosopher suspended from it Goes on an
embassy to Grand Cairo, and returns upon the Nile, where he
is thrown into an unexpected situation, and detained six weeks.
HEN I was in the service of the
Turks I frequently amused myself
in a pleasure-barge on the Mar
mora, which commands a view of
the whole city of Constantinople,
including the Grand Seignior s Seraglio. One
morning, as I was admiring the beauty and
serenity of the sky, I observed a globular sub
stance in the air, which appeared to be about
the size of a twelve-inch globe, with somewhat
suspended from it. I immediately took up my
largest and longest barrel fowling-piece, which I
never travel or make even an excursion without,
if I can help it ; I charged with a ball, and fired
at the globe, but to no purpose, the object being
at too great a distance. I then put in a double
58
BARON MUNCHAUSEN
59
quantity of powder, and five or six balls : this
second attempt succeeded ; all the balls took
effect, and tore one side open, and brought it
down. Judge my surprise when a most elegant
gilt car, with a man in it, and part of a sheep
which seemed to have been roasted, fell within
two yards of me. When my astonishment had in
some degree subsided, I ordered my people to row
close to this strange aerial traveller.
60 TRAVELS OF
I took him on board my barge (he was a
native of France) : he was much indisposed from
his sudden fall into the sea, and incapable of
speaking ; after some time, however, he recovered,
and gave the following account of himself, viz. :
" About seven or eight days since, I cannot tell
which, for I have lost my reckoning, having been
most of the time where the sun never sets, I
ascended from the Land s End in Cornwall, in
the island of Great Britain, in the car from
which I have been just taken, suspended from a
very large balloon, and took a sheep with me to
try atmospheric experiments upon : unfortunately,
the wind changed within ten minutes after my
ascent, and instead of driving towards Exeter,
where I intended to land, I was driven towards
the sea, over which I suppose I have continued
ever since, but much too high to make observa
tions.
"The calls of hunger were so pressing, that
the intended experiments upon heat and respira
tion gave way to them. I was obliged, on the
third day, to kill the sheep for food ; and being
at that time infinitely above the moon, and for
upwards of sixteen hours after so very near the
sun that it scorched my eyebrows, I placed the
carcase, taking care to skin it first, in that part
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 61
of the car where the sun had sufficient power,
or, in other words, where the balloon did not
shade it from the sun, by which method it
w r as well roasted in about two hours. This has
been my food ever since." Here he paused, and
seemed lost in viewing the objects about him.
When I told him the buildings before us were
the Grand Seignior s Seraglio at Constantinople,
he seemed exceedingly affected, as he had sup
posed himself in a very different situation. " The
cause," added he, " of my long flight, was owing
to the failure of a string which was fixed to a
valve in the balloon, intended to let out the in
flammable air ; and if it had not been fired at, and
rent in the manner before mentioned, I might,
like Mahomet, have been suspended between
heaven and earth till doomsday."
The Grand Seignior, to whom T was introduced
by the Imperial, Russian, and French ambassadors,
employed me to negotiate a matter of great im
portance at Grand Cairo, and which was of such
a nature that it must ever remain a secret.
I went there in great state by land ; where,
having completed the business, I dismissed almost
all my attendants, and returned like a private
gentleman ; the weather was delightful, and that
famous river the Nile was beautiful beyond all de-
62 TRAVELS OF
scription ; in short, I was tempted to hire a barge
to descend by water to Alexandria. On the third
day of my voyage the river began to rise most
amazingly (you have all heard, I presume, of
the annual overflowing of the Nile), and on the
next day it spread the whole country for many
leagues on each side ! On the fifth, at sunrise,
my barge became entangled with what I at first
took for shrubs, but as the light became stronger
I found myself surrounded by almonds, which
were perfectly ripe, and in the highest perfection.
Upon plumbing with a line my people found we
were at least sixty feet from the ground, and
unable to advance or retreat. At about eight or
nine o clock, as near as I could judge by the
altitude of the sun, the wind rose suddenly, and
canted our barge on one side : here she filled, and
I saw no more of her for some time. Fortunately
we all saved ourselves (six men and two boys) by
clinging to the tree, the boughs of which were
equal to our weight, though not to that of the
barge : in this situation we continued six weeks
and three days, living upon the almonds ; I need
not inform you we had plenty of water. On the
forty-second day of our distress the water fell as
rapidly as it had risen, and on the forty-sixth we
were able to venture down upon terra firma. Our
BARON MUNCHAUSEN
barge was the first pleasing object we saw, about
two hundred yards from the spot where she sunk.
After drying everything that was useful by the
heat of the sun, and loading ourselves with neces-
saries from the stores on board, we set out to
recover our lost ground, and found, by the nearest
calculation, we had been carried over garden-walls,
and a variety of enclosures, above one hundred
64 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
and fifty miles. In four days, after a very tire
some journey on foot, with thin shoes, we reached
the river, which was now confined to its banks,
related our adventures to a boy, who kindly accom
modated all our wants, and sent us forward in a
barge of his own. In six days more we arrived
at Alexandria, where we took shipping for Con
stantinople. I was received kindly by the Grand
Seignior, and had the honour of seeing the Seraglio,
to which his highness introduced me himself.
CHAPTER X
Pays a visit during the siege of Gibraltar to his old friend
General Elliot Sinks a Spanish man-of-war Wakes an old
woman on the African coast Destroys all the enemy s cannon ;
frightens the Count d Artois^ and sends him to Paris Saves
the lives of two English spies with the identical sling that killed
Goliah ; and raises the siege.
URING the late siege of Gibraltar I
went with a provision-fleet, under
Lord Rodney s command, to see my
old friend General Elliot, who has,
by his distinguished defence of that
place, acquired laurels that can never fade. After
the usual joy which generally attends the meeting
of old friends had subsided, I went to examine
the state of the garrison, and view the operations
of the enemy, for which purpose the General
accompanied me. I had brought a most excellent
refracting telescope with me from London, pur
chased of Dollond, by the help of which I found
the enemy were going to discharge a thirty- six
pounder at the spot where we stood. I told the
65 -p
A
66
TRAVELS OP
General what they were about ; he looked through
the glass also, and found my conjectures right. I
immediately, by his permission, ordered a forty-
eight pounder to be brought from a neighbouring
battery, which I placed with so much exactness
(having long studied the art of gunnery) that I
\vas sure of my mark.
I continued watching the enemy till I saw the
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 67
match placed at the touch-hole of their piece ; at
that very instant I gave the signal for our gun to
be fired also.
About midway between the two pieces of cannon
the balls struck each other with amazing force,
and the effect was astonishing ! The enemy s ball
recoiled back with such violence as to kill the
man who had discharged it, by carrying his head
fairly off, with sixteen others which it met with in
its progress to the Barbary coast, where its force,
after passing through three masts of vessels that
then lay in a line behind each other in the har
bour, was so much spent, that it only broke its
way through the roof of a poor labourer s hut,
about two hundred yards inland, and destroyed a
few teeth an old woman had left, who lay asleep
upon her back with her mouth open. The ball
lodged in her throat. Her husband soon after
came home, and endeavoured to extract it ; but
finding that impracticable, by the assistance of a
rammer he forced it into her stomach. Our ball
did excellent service ; for it not only repelled the
other in the manner just described, but, proceed
ing as I intended it should, it dismounted the
very piece of cannon that had just been employed
against us, and forced it into the hold of the ship,
where it fell with so much force as to break its
68 TRAVELS OF
way through the bottom, The ship immediately
filled and sank, with above a thousand Spanish
sailors on board, besides a considerable number of
soldiers. This, to be sure, was a most extraordi
nary exploit ; I will not, however, take the whole
merit to myself; my judgment was the principal
engine, but chance assisted me a little; for I
afterwards found, that the man who charged our
forty-eight pounder put in, by mistake, a double
quantity of powder, else we could never have suc
ceeded so much beyond all expectation, especially
in repelling the enemy s ball.
General Elliot would have given me a com
mission for this singular piece of service ; but I
declined everything, except his thanks, which I
received at a crowded table of officers at supper
on the evening of that very day.
As I am very partial to the English, who are
beyond all doubt a brave people, I determined not
to take my leave of the garrison till I had ren
dered them another piece of service, and in about
three weeks an opportunity presented itself. I
dressed myself in the habit of a Popish priest, and
at about one o clock in the morning stole out of
the garrison, passed the enemy s lines, and arrived
in the middle of their camp, where I entered the
tent in which the Prince d Artois was, with the
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 69
commander-in-chief, and several other officers, in
deep council, concerting a plan to storm the
garrison next morning. My disguise was my pro
tection ; they suffered me to continue there, hear
ing everything that passed, till they went to their
several beds. When I found the whole camp, and
even the sentinels, were wrapped up in the arms
of Morpheus, I began my work, which was that of
dismounting all their cannon (above three hun
dred pieces), from forty- eight to twenty -four
pounders, and throwing them three leagues into
the sea. Having no assistance, I found this the
hardest task I ever undertook, except swimming
to the opposite shore with the famous Turkish
piece of ordnance, described by Baron de Tott in
his Memoirs, which I shall hereafter mention. I
then piled all the carriages together in the centre
of the camp, which, to prevent the noise of the
wheels being heard, I carried in pairs under my
arms ; and a noble appearance they made, as high
at least as the rock of Gibraltar. I then lighted
a match by striking a flint stone, situated twenty
feet from the ground (in an old wall built by the
Moors when they invaded Spain), with the breech
of an iron eight-and-forty pounder, and so set fire
to the whole pile. I forgot to inform you that I
threw all their ammunition-waggons upon the top.
70 TRAVELS OF
Before I applied the lighted match I had laid
the combustibles at the bottom so judiciously,
that the whole was in a blaze in a moment. To
prevent suspicion I was one of the first to express
my surprise. The whole camp was, as you may
imagine, petrified with astonishment : the general
conclusion was, that their sentinels had been
bribed, and that seven or eight regiments of the
garrison had been employed in this horrid de
struction of their artillery. Mr. Drinkwater, in
his account of this famous siege, mentions the
enemy sustaining a great loss by a fire which hap
pened in their camp, but never knew the cause ;
how should he? as I never divulged it before
(though I alone saved Gibraltar by this night s
business), not even to General Elliot. The
Count d Artois and all his attendants ran away
in their fright, and never stopped on the road
till they reached Paris, which they did in about
a fortnight ; this dreadful conflagration had such
an effect upon them that they were incapable of
taking the least refreshment for three months
after, but, chameleon-like, lived upon the air.
If any gentleman will say he doubts the truth of
this story, I will fine, him a gallon of brandy and
make him drink it at one draught.
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 73
About two months after I had done the be
sieged this service, one morning, as I sat at
breakfast with General Elliot, a shell (for I had
not time to destroy their mortars as well as their
cannon) entered the apartment we were sitting in ;
it lodged upon our table : the General, as most
men would do, quitted the room directly; but I
took it up before it burst, and carried it to the
top of the rock, when, looking over the enemy s
camp, on an eminence near the sea-coast I ob
served a considerable number of people, but could
not, with my naked eye, discover how they were
employed. I had recourse again to my telescope,
when I found that two of our officers, one a
general, the other a colonel, with whom I spent
the preceding evening, and who went out into
the enemy s camp about midnight as spies, were
taken, and then were actually going to be executed
on a gibbet. I found the distance too great to
throw the shell with my hand, but most fortu
nately recollecting that I had the very sling in my
pocket which assisted David in slaying Goliah,
I placed the shell in it, and immediately threw
it in the midst of them : it burst as it fell, and
destroyed all present, except the two culprits, who
were saved by being suspended so high, for they
were just turned off: however, one of the pieces
74 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
of the shell fled with such force against the foot
of the gibbet, that it immediately brought it down.
Our two friends no sooner felt terra firma than
they looked about for the cause ; and finding
their guards, executioner, and all, had taken it
in their heads to die first, they directly extricated
each other from their disgraceful cords, and then
ran down to the sea-shore, seized a Spanish boat
with two men in it, and made them row to one of
our ships, which they did with great safety, and
in a few minutes after, when I was relating to
General Elliot how I had acted, they both took
us by the hand, and after mutual congratulations
we retired to spend the day with festivity.
CHAPTER XI
An interesting account of the Baroris ancestors A quarrel
relative to the spot where Noah built his ark The history of
the sling, and its properties A favourite poet introduced upon
no very reputable occasion Queen Elizabeths abstinence The
Barorfs father crosses from England to Holland upon a marine
horse, which he sells for seven hundred ducats.
OU wish (I can see by your counte
nances) I would inform you how I
became possessed of such a treasure
as the sling just mentioned. (Here
facts must be held sacred.) Thus
then it was : I am a descendant of the wife of
Uriah, whom we all know David was intimate
with ; she had several children by his majesty ;
they quarrelled once upon a matter of the first
consequence, viz., the spot where Noah s ark was
built, and where it rested after the flood. A
separation consequently ensued. She had often
heard him speak of this sling as his most valuable
treasure : this she stole the night they parted ; it
was missed before she got out of his dominions,
75
76 TRAVELS OF
and she was pursued by no less than six of the
king s body-guards : however, by using it herself
she hit the first of them (for one was more active
in the pursuit than the rest) where David did
Goliah, and killed him on the spot. His com
panions were so alarmed at his fall that they
retired, and left Uriah s wife to pursue her
journey. She took with her, I should have in
formed you before, her favourite son by this
connection, to whom she bequeathed the sling ;
and thus it has, without interruption, descended
from father to son till it came into my possession.
One of its possessors, my great-great-gredt-grand-
father, who lived about two hundred and fifty
years ago, was upon a visit to England, and be
came intimate with a poet who was a great deer-
stealer ; I think his name was Shakespeare : he
frequently borrowed this sling, and with it killed
so much of Sir Thomas Lucy s venison, that he
narrowly escaped the fate of my two friends at
Gibraltar. Poor Shakespeare was imprisoned,
and my ancestor obtained his freedom in a very
singular manner. Queen Elizabeth was then on
the throne, but grown so indolent, that every
trifling matter was become a trouble to her ;
dressing, undressing, eating, drinking, and some
other offices which shall be nameless, made life
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 79
a burden to her ; all these things he enabled her
to do without, or by a deputy ! and what do you
think was the only return she could prevail upon
him to accept for such eminent services "? setting
Shakespeare at liberty ! Such was his affection
for that famous writer, that he would have
shortened his own days to add to the number
of his friend s.
I do not hear that any of the queen s subjects,
particularly the beef-eaters, as they are vulgarly
called to this day, however they might be struck
with the novelty at the time, much approved of
her living totally without food. She did not
survive the practice herself above seven years
and a half.
My father, who was the immediate possessor
of this sling before me, told me the following
anecdote :
He was walking by the sea-shore at Harwich,
with this sling in his pocket ; before his paces had
covered a mile he was attacked by a fierce animal
called a seahorse, open-mouthed, who ran at him
with great fury ; he hesitated a moment, then took
out his sling, retreated back about a hundred yards,
stooped for a couple of pebbles, of which there
were plenty under his feet, and slung them both
so dexterously at the animal, that each stone put
8o BARON MUNCHAUSEN
out an eye, and lodged in the cavities which their
removal had occasioned. He now got upon his
back, and drove him into the sea ; for the moment
he lost his sight he lost also his ferocity, and
became as tame as possible : the sling was placed
as a bridle in his mouth ; he was guided with the
greatest facility across the ocean, and in less than
three hours they both arrived on the opposite
shore, which is about thirty leagues. The master
of the Three Cups, at Helvoetsluys, in Holland,
purchased this marine horse, to make an exhibition
of, for seven hundred ducats, which was upwards
of three hundred pounds, and the next day my
father paid his passage back in the packet to
Harwich.
My father made several curious observations
in this passage, which I will relate hereafter.
CHAPTER XII
The frolic; its consequences Windsor Castle St. Paul s
College of Physicians Undertakers^ sextons , &-Y., almost
ruined Industry of the apothecaries.
THE FROLIC.
HIS famous sling makes the possessor
equal to any task he is desirous of
performing.
I made a balloon of such extensive
dimensions, that an account of the
silk it contained would exceed all credibility ;
every mercer s shop and weaver s stock in London,
Westminster, and Spitalfields contributed to it :
with this balloon and my sling I played many
tricks, such as taking one house from its station,
and placing another in its stead, without disturb
ing the inhabitants, who were generally asleep,
or too much employed to observe the peregrina
tions of their habitations. When the sentinel
at Windsor Castle heard St. Paul s clock strike
thirteen, it was through my dexterity ; I brought
81
82 TRAVELS OF
the buildings nearly together that night, by plac
ing the castle in St. George s Fields, and carried it
back again before daylight, without waking any of
the inhabitants ; notwithstanding these exploits,
I should have kept my balloon, and its properties
a secret, if Montgolfier had not made the art of
flying so public.
On the 3Oth of September, when the College of
Physicians chose their annual officers, and dined
sumptuously together, I filled my balloon, brought
it over the dome of their building, clapped the
sling round the golden ball at the top, fastening
the other end of it to the balloon, and immediately
ascended with the whole college to an immense
height, where I kept them upwards of three
months. You will naturally inquire what they
did for food such a length of time ? To this I
answer, Had I kept them suspended twice the
time, they would have experienced no incon
venience on that account, so amply, or rather
extravagantly, had they spread their table for that
day s feasting.
Though this was meant as an innocent frolic,
it was productive of much mischief to several
respectable characters amongst the clergy, under
takers, sextons, and grave-diggers: they were,
it must be acknowledged, sufferers ; for it is a
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 83
well-known fact, that during the three months
the college was suspended in the air, and there
fore incapable of attending their patients, no
deaths happened, except a few who fell hefore
the scythe of Father Time, and some melancholy
objects who, perhaps to avoid some trifling in
convenience here, laid the hands of violence upon
themselves, and plunged into misery infinitely
greater than that which they hoped by such a
rash step to avoid, without a moment s con
sideration.
If the apothecaries had not been very active
during the above time, half the undertakers in
all probability would have been bankrupts.
CHAPTER XIII
A TRIP TO THE NORTH
The Baron sails with Captain Phipps, attacks two large bears,
and has a very narrow escape Gains the confidence of these
animals, and then destroys thousands of them ; loads the ship
with their hams and skins ; makes presents of the former, and
obtains a general invitation to all city feasts A dispute between
the Captain and the Baron, in which, from motives of polite
ness, the Captain is suffered to gain his point The Baron
declines the offer of a throne, and an empress into the bargain.
E all remember Captain Phipps s
(now Lord Mulgrave) last voyage
of discovery to the north. I accom
panied the captain, not as an officer,
but as a private friend. When we
arrived in a high northern latitude I was view
ing the objects around me with the telescope
which I introduced to your notice in my Gib
raltar adventures. I thought I saw two large
white bears in violent action upon a body of ice
considerably above the masts, and about half a
league distance. I immediately took my carbine,
slung it across my shoulder, and ascended the
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 87
ice. When I arrived at the top, the unevenness
of the surface made my approach to those animals
troublesome and hazardous beyond expression :
sometimes hideous cavities opposed me, which I
was obliged to spring over ; in other parts the
surface was as smooth as a mirror, and I was
continually falling : as I approached near enough
to reach them, I found they were only at play.
I immediately began to calculate the value of
their skins, for they were each as large as a well-
fed ox : unfortunately, at the very instant I was
presenting my carbine my right foot slipped, I
fell upon my back, and the violence of the blow
deprived me totally of my senses for nearly half
an hour; however, when I recovered, judge of
my surprise at finding one of those large animals
I have been just describing had turned me upon
my face, and was just laying hold of the waist
band of my breeches, which were then new and
made of leather : he was certainly going to carry
me feet foremost, God knows where, when I took
this knife (showing a large clasp knife) out of
my side-pocket, made a chop at one of his hind
feet, and cut off three of his toes ; he immediately
let me drop and roared most horribly. I took up
my carbine and fired at him as he ran off; he fell
directly. The noise of the piece roused several
88 TRAVELS OF
thousands of these white bears, who were asleep
upon the ice within half a mile of me ; they
came immediately to the spot. There was no
time to be lost. A most fortunate thought arrived
in my pericranium just at that instant. I took
off the skin and head of the dead bear in half
the time that some people would be in skinning
a rabbit, and wrapped myself in it, placing my
own head directly under Bruin s ; the whole herd
came round me immediately, and my apprehen
sions threw me into a most piteous situation to
be sure : however, my scheme turned out a most
admirable one for my own safety. They all came
smelling, and evidently took me for a brother
Bruin ; I wanted nothing but bulk to make
an excellent counterfeit : however, I saw several
cubs amongst them not much larger than my
self. After they had all smelt me, and the body
of their deceased companion, whose skin was now
become my protector, we seemed very sociable,
and I found I could mimic all their actions toler
ably well ; but at growling, roaring, and hugging
they were quite my masters. I began now to
think that I might turn the general confidence
which I had created amongst these animals to
my advantage.
I had heard an old army surgeon say a wound
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 89
in the spine was instant death. I now determined
to try the experiment, and had again recourse to
my knife, with which I struck the largest in the
back of the neck, near the shoulders, but under
great apprehensions, not doubting but the creature
would, if he survived the stab, tear me to pieces.
However, I was remarkably fortunate, for he fell
dead at my feet without making the least noise.
I was now resolved to demolish them every one in
the same manner, which I accomplished without
the least difficulty ; for although they saw their
companions fall, they had no suspicion of either
the cause or the effect. When they all lay dead
before me, I felt myself a second Samson, having
slain my thousands.
To make short of the story, I went back to the
ship, and borrowed three parts of the crew to assist
me in skinning them, and carrying the hams on
board, which we did in a few hours, and loaded
the ship with them. As to the other parts of the
animals, they were thrown into the sea, though I
doubt not but the whole would eat as well as the
legs, were they properly cured.
As soon as we returned I sent some of the
hams, in the captain s name, to the Lords of the
Admiralty, others to the Lords of the Treasury,
some to the Lord Mayor and Corporation of
9 o TRAVELS OF
London, a few to each of the trading companies,
and the remainder to my particular friends, from
all of whom I received warm thanks ; but from
the city I was honoured with substantial notice,
viz., an invitation to dine at Guildhall annually
on Lord Mayor s day.
The bear-skins I sent to the Empress of Russia,
to clothe her majesty and her court in the winter,
for which she wrote me a letter of thanks with
her own hand, and sent it by an ambassador
extraordinary, inviting me to share the honours
of her crown ; but as I never was ambitious of
royal dignity, I declined her majesty s favour in
the politest terms. The same ambassador had
orders to wait and bring my answer to her majesty
personally, upon which business he was absent
about three months : her majesty s reply con
vinced me of the strength of her affections, and
the dignity of her mind ; her late indisposition
was entirely owing (as she, kind creature ! was
pleased to express herself in a late conversation
with the Prince Dolgoroucki) to my cruelty.
What the sex see in me I cannot conceive, but
the Empress is not the only female sovereign who
has offered me her hand.
Some people have very illiberally reported that
Captain Phipps did not proceed as far as he might
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 91
have done upon that expedition. Here it becomes
my duty to acquit him ; our ship was in a very
proper trim till I loaded it with such an immense
quantity of bear-skins and hams, after which it
would have been madness to have attempted to
proceed further, as we were now scarcely able to
combat a brisk gale, much less those mountains of
ice which lay in the higher latitudes.
The captain has since often expressed a dis
satisfaction that he had no share in the honours
of that day, which he emphatically called bear
skin day. He has also been very desirous of
knowing by what art I destroyed so many
thousands, without fatigue or danger to myself;
indeed, he is so ambitious of dividing the glory
with me, that we have actually quarrelled about
it, and we are not now upon speaking terms.
He boldly asserts I had no merit in deceiving
the bears, because I was covered with one of
their skins ; nay, he declares there is not, in
his opinion, in Europe, so complete a bear natu
rally as himself among the human species.
He is now a noble peer, and I am too well
acquainted with good manners to dispute so
delicate a point with his lordship.
CHAPTER XIV
Our Baron excels Baron Tott beyond all comparison, yet fails
in part of his attempt Gets into disgrace with the Grand
Seignior, who orders his head to be cut off- Escapes, and gets
on board a vessel, in which he is carried to Venice Baron
Toffs origin, with some account of that great marts parents
Pope GanganelWs amour His Holiness fond of shell-fish.
ARON DE TOTT, in his Memoirs,
makes as great a parade of a single
act as many travellers whose whole
lives have been spent in seeing the
different parts of the globe ; for my
part, if I had been blown from Europe to Asia
from the mouth of a cannon, I should have boasted
less of it afterwards than he has done of only firing
off a Turkish piece of ordnance. What he says
of this wonderful gun, as near as my memory will
serve me, is this : " The Turks had placed below
the castle, and near the city, on the banks of the
Simois, a celebrated river, an enormous piece of
ordnance cast in brass, which would carry a marble
ball of eleven hundred pounds weight. I was
inclined," says Tott, "to fire it, but I was willing
92
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 93
first to judge of its effect ; the crowd about me
trembled at this proposal, as they asserted it would
overthrow not only the castle, but the city also ;
at length their fears in part subsided, and I was
permitted to discharge it. It required not less
than three hundred and thirty pounds weight of
powder, and the ball weighed, as before men
tioned, eleven hundredweight. When the engineer
brought the priming, the crowds who were about
me retreated back as fast as they could ; nay, it
was with the utmost difficulty I persuaded the
Pacha, who came on purpose, there was no danger :
even the engineer who was to discharge it by my
direction was considerably alarmed. I took my
stand on some stone-work behind the cannon,
gave the signal, and felt a shock like that of an
earthquake ! At the distance of three hundred
fathom the ball burst into three pieces ; the frag
ments crossed the strait, rebounded on the opposite
mountain, and left the surface of the water all in
a foam through the whole breadth of the channel."
This, gentlemen, is, as near as I can recollect,
Baron Tott s account of the largest cannon in the
known world. Now, when I was there not long
since, the anecdote of Tott s firing this tremendous
piece was mentioned as a proof of that gentleman s
extraordinary courage.
94 TRAVELS OF
I was determined not to be outdone by a
Frenchman, therefore took this very piece upon
my shoulder, and, after balancing it properly,
jumped into the sea with it, and swam to the
opposite shore, from whence I unfortunately at
tempted to throw it back into its former place.
I say unfortunately, for it slipped a little in my
hand just as I was about to discharge it, and in
consequence of that it fell into the middle of the
channel, where it now lies, without a prospect of
ever recovering it : and notwithstanding the high
favour I was in with the Grand Seignior, as before
mentioned, this cruel Turk, as soon as he heard
of the loss of his famous piece of ordnance, issued
an order to cut off my head. I was immediately
informed of it by one of the Sultanas, with whom
I was become a great favourite, and she secreted
me in her apartment while the officer charged
with my execution was, with his assistants, in
search of me.
That very night I made my escape on board a
vessel bound to Venice, which was then weighing
anchor to proceed on her voyage.
The last story, gentlemen, I am not fond of
mentioning, as I miscarried in the attempt,
and was very near losing my life into the bar
gain : however, as it contains no impeachment
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 97
of my honour, I would not withhold it from
you.
Now, gentlemen, you all know me, and can
have no doubt of my veracity. I will entertain
you with the origin of this same swaggering,
bouncing Tott.
His reputed father was a native of Berne, in
Switzerland ; his profession was that of a sur
veyor of the streets, lanes, and alleys, vulgarly
called a scavenger. His mother was a native of
the mountains of Savoy, and had a most beauti
ful large wen on her neck, common to both sexes
in that part of the world ; she left her parents
when young, and sought her fortune in the same
city which gave his father birth ; she maintained
herself while single by acts of kindness to our
sex, for she never was known to refuse them
any favour they asked, provided they did but
pay her some compliment beforehand. This
lovely couple met by accident in the street, in
consequence of their being both intoxicated, for
by reeling to one centre they threw each other
down ; this created mutual abuse, in which they
were complete adepts ; they were both carried
to the watch-house, and afterwards to the house
of correction ; they soon saw the folly of quar
relling, made it up, became fond of each other,
G
TRAVELS OF
and married ; but madam returning to her old
tricks, his father, who had high notions of honour,
soon separated himself from her ; she then joined
a family who strolled about with a puppet-show.
In time she arrived at Rome, where she kept
an oyster-stand. You have all heard, no doubt,
of Pope Ganganelli, commonly called Clement
XIV, : he was remarkably fond of oysters. One
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 99
Good Friday, as he was passing through this
famous city in state, to assist at high mass at
St. Peter s Church, he saw this woman s oysters
(which were remarkably fine and fresh) ; he
could not proceed without tasting them. There
were about five thousand people in his train ;
he ordered them all to stop, and sent word to
the church he could not attend mass till next
day; then alighting from his horse (for the
Pope always rides on horseback upon these
occasions) he went into her stall, and ate every
oyster she had there, and afterwards retired into
the cellar where she had a few more. This
subterraneous apartment was her kitchen, par
lour, and bed-chamber. He liked his situation
so much that he discharged all his attendants,
and to make short of the story, His Holiness
passed the whole night there ! Before they
parted he gave her absolution, not only for
every sin she had, but all she might hereafter
commit.
Now, gentlemen, I have his mothers word for
it (and her honour cannot be doubted), that Baron
Tott is the fruit of that amour. When Tott was
born, his mother applied to His Holiness, as the
father of her child; he immediately placed him
ioo BARON MUNCHAUSEN
under proper people, and as he grew up gave him
a gentleman s education, had him taught the use
of arms, procured him promotion in France, and
a title, and when he died he left him a good
estate.
CHAPTER XV
A further account of the journey from Harwich to Helvoetsluys
Description of a number of marine objects never mentioned
by any traveller before Rocks seen in this passage equal to the
Alps in magnitude; lobsters, crabs, &c., of an extraordinary
magnitude A woman s life saved The cause of her falling
into the sea Dr. Hawes* directions followed with success.
OMITTED several very material
parts in my father s journey across
the English Channel to Holland,
which, that they may not be totally
lost I will now faithfully give you
in his own words, as I heard him relate them to
his friends several times.
" On my arrival," says my father, " at Hel
voetsluys, I was observed to breathe with some
difficulty ; upon the inhabitants inquiring into
the cause, I informed them that the animal upon
whose back I rode from Harwich across to their
shore did not swim ! Such is their peculiar form
and disposition, that they cannot float or move
upon the surface of the water; he ran with
incredible swiftness upon the sands from shore
101
102 TRAVELS OF
to shore, driving fish in millions before him,
many of which were quite different from any I
had yet seen, carrying their heads at the extremity
of their tails. I crossed," continued he, " one pro
digious range of rocks, equal in height to the
Alps (the tops or highest parts of these marine
mountains are said to be upwards of one hundred
fathoms below the surface of the sea), on the sides
of which there was a great variety of tall, noble
trees, loaded with marine fruit, such as lobsters,
crabs, oysters, scollops, mussels, cockles, &c. &c. ;
some of which were a cart-load singly ! and none
less than a porter s ! All those which are brought
on shore and sold in our markets are of an inferior
dwarf kind, or, properly, waterfalls, i.e., fruit shook
off the branches of the tree it grows upon by the
motion of the water, as those in our gardens are
by that of the wind ! The lobster-trees appeared
the richest, but the crab and oysters were the
tallest. The periwinkle is a kind of shrub ; it
grows at the foot of the oyster-tree, and twines
round it as the ivy does the oak. I observed the
effect of several accidents by shipwreck, &c.,
particularly a ship that had been wrecked by
striking against a mountain or rock, the top of
which lay within three fathoms of the surface.
As she sank she fell upon her side, and forced a
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 105
very large lobster- tree out of its place. It was in
the spring, when the lobsters were very young,
and many of them being separated by the violence
of the shock, they fell upon a crab-tree which was
growing below them ; they have, like the farina
of plants, united, and produced a fish resembling
both. I endeavoured to bring one with me, but
it was too cumbersome, and my salt-water Pega
sus seemed much displeased at every attempt
to stop his career whilst I continued upon his
back ; besides, I was then, though galloping over
a mountain of rocks that lay about midway the
passage, at least five hundred fathom below the
surface of the sea, and began to find the want of
air inconvenient, therefore I had no inclination to
prolong the time. Add to this, my situation was
in other respects very unpleasant ; I met many
large fish, who were, if I could judge by their
open mouths, not only able, but really wished to
devour us ; now, as my Rosinante was blind, I
had these hungry gentlemen s attempts to guard
against, in addition to my other difficulties.
" As we drew near the Dutch shore, and the
body of water over our heads did not exceed twenty
fathoms, I thought I saw a human figure in a
female dress then lying on the sand before me
with some signs of life ; when I came close I per
ceived her hand move : I took it into mine, and
106 BARON MUNCH AUSEN
brought her on shore as a corpse. An apothecary,
who had just been instructed by Dr. Hawes [the
Baron s father must have lived very lately if Dr.
Hawes was his preceptor], of London, treated her
properly, and she recovered. She was the rib
of a man who commanded a vessel belonging to
Helvoetsluys. He was just going out of port on
a voyage, when she, hearing he had got a mistress
with him, followed him in an open boat. As soon
as she had got on the quarter-deck she flew at
her husband, and attempted to strike him with
such impetuosity, that he thought it most prudent
to slip on one side, and let her make the impres
sion of her fingers upon the waves rather than
his face : he was not much out in his ideas of the
consequence ; for meeting no opposition, she went
directly overboard, and it was my unfortunate lot
to lay the foundation for bringing this happy pair
together again.
" I can easily conceive what execrations the
husband loaded me with when, on his return, he
found this gentle creature waiting his arrival,
and learned the means by which she came into
the world again. However, great as the injury
is which I have done this poor devil, I hope he
will die in charity with me, as my motive was
good, though the consequences to him are, it
must be confessed, horrible."
CHAPTER XVI
This is a very short chapter, but contains a fact for which the
Baroris memory ought to be dear to every Englishman, especially
those who may hereafter have the misfortune of being made
prisoners of war.
N my return from Gibraltar I travelled
by way of France to England. Being
a foreigner, this was not attended
with any inconvenience to me. I
found, in the harbour of Calais, a
ship just arrived with a number of English sailors
as prisoners of war. I immediately conceived an
idea of giving these brave fellows their liberty,
which I accomplished as follows : After forming
a pair of large wings, each of them forty yards
long, and fourteen wide, and annexing them to
myself, I mounted at break of day, when every
creature, even the watch upon deck, was fast
asleep. As I hovered over the ship I fastened
three grappling irons to the tops of the three
masts with my sling, and fairly lifted her several
yards out of the water, and then proceeded across
107
io8 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
to Dover, where I arrived in half an hour ! Hav
ing no further occasion for these wings, I made
them a present to the governor of Dover Castle,
where they are now exhibited to the curious.
As to the prisoners, and the Frenchmen who
guarded them, they did not awake till they had
been near two hours on Dover Pier. The mo
ment the English understood their situation they
changed places with their guard, and took back
what they had been plundered of, but no more,
for they were too generous to retaliate and plunder
them in return.
CHAPTER XVII
Voyage eastward The Baron introduces a friend who never
deceived him : wins a hundred guineas by pinning his faith
upon that friend s nose Game started at sea Some other
circumstances which will^ it is hoped , afford the reader no small
degree of amusement.
N a voyage which I made to the East
Indies with Captain Hamilton, I took
a favourite pointer with me ; he was,
to use a common phrase, worth his
weight in gold, for he never deceived
me. One day when we were, by the best observa
tions we could make, at least three hundred leagues
from land, my dog pointed ; I observed him for
near an hour with astonishment, and mentioned
the circumstance to the captain and every officer
on board, asserting that we must be near land, for
my dog smelt game. This occasioned a general
laugh ; but that did not alter in the least the good
opinion I had of my dog. After much conversa
tion pro and con, I boldly told the captain I placed
more confidence in Tray s nose than I did in the
109
no
TRAVELS OF
eyes of every seaman on board, and therefore pro
posed laying the sum I had agreed to pay for my
passage (viz., one hundred guineas) that we should
find game within half an hour. The captain (a
good, hearty fellow) laughed again, desired Mr.
Crowford the surgeon, who was prepared, to feel
my pulse ; he did so, and reported me in perfect
health. The following dialogue between them
took place ; I overheard it, though spoken low,
and at some distance.
BARON MUNCHAUSEN in
Captain.- -H-is brain is turned; I cannot with
honour accept his wager.
Surgeon.--! am of a different opinion; he is
quite sane, and depends more upon the scent of
his dog than he will upon the judgment of all the
officers on board ; he will certainly lose, and he
richly merits it.
Captain. Such a wager cannot be fair on my
side ; however, I ll take him up, if I return his
money afterwards.
During the above conversation Tray continued
in the same situation, and confirmed me still more
in my former opinion. I proposed the wager a
second time, it was then accepted.
Done ! and done ! were scarcely said on both
sides, when some sailors who were fishing in the
long-boat, which was made fast to the stern of the
ship, harpooned an exceeding large shark, which
they brought on board and began to cut up for
the purpose of barrelling the oil, when, behold,
they found no less than six brace of live partridges
in this animal s stomach !
They had been so long in that situation, that
one of the hens was sitting upon four eggs, and a
fifth was hatching when the shark was opened ! ! !
This young bird we brought up by placing it with
a litter of kittens that came into the world a few
ii2 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
minutes before ! The old cat was as fond of it as
of any of her own four-legged progeny, and made
herself very unhappy, when it flew out of her
reach, till it returned again. As to the other
partridges, there were four hens amongst them ;
one or more were, during the voyage, constantly
sitting, and consequently we had plenty of game
at the captain s table ; and in gratitude to poor
Tray (for being a means of winning one hundred
guineas) I ordered him the bones daily, and some
times a whole bird.
CHAPTER XVIII
A SECOND TRIP TO THE MOON.
A second visit (but an accidental one) to the moon The ship
driven by a whirlwind a thousand leagues above the surface of
the water, where a new atmosphere meets them and carries them
into a capacious harbour in the moon A description of the
inhabitants, and their manner of coming into the lunarian
world Animals, customs, weapons of war, wine, vegetables,
HAVE already informed you of one
trip I made to the moon, in search
of my silver hatchet ; I afterwards
made another in a much pleasanter
manner, and stayed in it long
enough to take notice of several things, which
I will endeavour to describe as accurately as my
memory will permit.
I went on a voyage of discovery at the request
of a distant relation, who had a strange notion
that there were people to be found equal in
magnitude to those described by Gulliver in the
empire of BROBDIGNAG. For my part I always
treated that account as fabulous : however, to
113 H
ii 4 TRAVELS OF
oblige him, for he had made me his heir, I
undertook it, and sailed for the South seas,
where we arrived without meeting with anything
remarkable, except some flying men and women
who were playing at leap-frog, and dancing
minuets in the air.
On the eighteenth day after we had passed
the Island of Otaheite, mentioned by Captain
Cook as the place from whence they brought
Omai, a hurricane blew our ship at least one
thousand leagues above the surface of the water,
and kept it at that height till a fresh gale arising
filled the sails in every part, and onwards we
travelled at a prodigious rate ; thus we proceeded
above the clouds for six weeks. At last we
discovered a great land in the sky, like a shin
ing island, round and bright, where, coming into
a convenient harbour, we went on shore, and
soon found it was inhabited. Below us we saw
another earth, containing cities, trees, mountains,
rivers, seas, &c., which we conjectured was this
world which we had left. Here we saw huge
figures riding upon vultures of a prodigious size,
and each of them having three heads. To form
some idea of the magnitude of these birds, I
must inform you that each of their wings is as
wide and six times the length of the main sheet
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 115
of our vessel, which was about six hundred tons
burthen. Thus, instead of riding upon horses,
as we do in this world, the inhabitants of the
moon (for we now found we were in Madam
Luna) fly about on these birds. The king, we
found, was engaged in a war with the sun, and
he offered me a commission, but I declined the
honour his majesty intended me. Everything
in this world is of extraordinary magnitude ! a
common flea being much larger than one of our
sheep : in making war, their principal weapons
are radishes, which are used as darts : those who
are wounded by them die immediately. Their
shields are made of mushrooms, and their darts
(when radishes are out of season) of the tops of
asparagus. Some of the natives of the dog-star
are to be seen here ; commerce tempts them to
ramble ; their faces are like large mastiffs , with
their eyes near the lower end or tip of their
noses : they have no eyelids, but cover their eyes
with the end of their tongues when they go to
sleep ; they are generally twenty feet high. As
to the natives of the moon, none of them are
less in stature than thirty-six feet : they are not
called the human species, but the cooking ani
mals, for they all dress their food by fire, as
we do, but lose no time at their meals, as they
n6
TRAVELS OP
open their left side, and place the whole quantity
at once in their stomach, then shut it again till
the same day in the next month ; for they never
indulge themselves with food more than twelve
times a year, or once a month. All but gluttons
and epicures must prefer this method to ours.
There is but one sex either of the cooking
or any other animals in the moon ; they are all
produced from trees of various sizes and foli
age ; that which produces the cooking animal, or
human species, is much more beautiful than any
of the others ; it has large straight boughs and
flesh-coloured leaves, and the fruit it produces
are nuts or pods, with hard shells at least two
yards long; when they become ripe, which is
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 117
known from their changing colour, they are
gathered with great care, and laid hy as long as
they think proper : when they choose to animate
the seed of these nuts, they throw them into a
large cauldron of boiling water, which opens
the shells in a few hours, and out jumps the
creature.
Nature forms their minds for different pursuits
before they come into the world ; from one shell
comes forth a warrior, from another a philosopher,
from a third a divine, from a fourth a lawyer,
from a fifth a farmer, from a sixth a clown, &c.
&c., and each of them immediately begins to
perfect themselves, by practising what they before
knew only in theory.
When they grow old they do not die, but turn
into air, and dissolve like smoke ! As for their
drink, they need none ; the only evacuations they
have are insensible, and by their breath. They
have but one finger upon each hand, with which
they perform everything in as perfect a manner as
we do who have four besides the thumb. Their
heads are placed under their right arm, and when
they are going to travel, or about any violent
exercise, they generally leave them at home, for
they can consult them at any distance ; this is a
very common practice ; and when those of rank or
n8 TRAVELS OF
quality among the Lunarians have an inclination
to see what s going forward among the common
people, they stay at home, i.e., the body stays at
home, and sends the head only, which is suffered
to be present incog., and return at pleasure with
an account of what has passed.
The stones of their grapes are exactly like
hail ; and I am perfectly satisfied that when a
storm or high wind in the moon shakes their
vines, and breaks the grapes from the stalks,
the stones fall down and form our hail showers.
I would advise those who are of my opinion to
save a quantity of these stones when it hails
next, and make Lunarian wine. It is a common
beverage at St. Luke s. Some material circum
stances I had nearly omitted. They put their
bellies to the same use as we do a sack, and
throw whatever they have occasion for into it,
for they can shut and open it again when they
please, as they do their stomachs ; they are not
troubled with bowels, liver, heart, or any other
intestines, neither are they encumbered with
clothes, nor is there any part of their bodies
unseemly or indecent to exhibit.
Their eyes they can take in and out of their
places when they please, and can see as well
with them in their hand as in their head ! and if
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 119
by any accident they lose or damage one, they
can borrow or purchase another, and see as clearly
with it as their own. Dealers in eyes are on that
account very numerous in most parts of the moon,
and in this article alone all the inhabitants are
whimsical : sometimes green and sometimes yellow
eyes are the fashion. I know these things appear
strange ; but if the shadow of a doubt can remain
on any person s mind, I say, let him take a voyage
there himself, and then he will know I am a
traveller of veracity.
CHAPTER XIX :
The Baron crosses the Thames without the assistance of a
bridge, ship, boat, balloon, or even his own will: rouses himself
after a long nap, and destroys a monster who lived upon the
destruction of others.
Y first visit to England was about
the beginning of the present king s
reign. I had occasion to go down to
Wapping, to see some goods shipped,
which I was sending to some friends
at Hamburgh ; after that business was over, I
took the Tower Wharf in my way back. Here I
found the sun very powerful, and I was so much
fatigued that I stepped into one of the cannon to
compose me, where I fell fast asleep. This was
about noon : it was the fourth of June ; exactly
at one o clock these cannon were all discharged in
memory of the day. They had been all charged
that morning, and having no suspicion of my
situation, I was shot over the houses on the
opposite side of the river, into a farmer s yard,
between Bermondsey and Deptford, where I fell
J80
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 123
upon a large hay-stack, without waking, and con
tinued there in a sound sleep till hay became so
extravagantly dear (which was about three months
after), that the farmer found it his interest to send
his whole stock to market : the stack T was re
posing upon was the largest in the yard, contain
ing above five hundred load ; they began to cut
that first. I woke with the voices of the people
who had ascended the ladders to begin at the
top, and got up, totally ignorant of my situation :
in attempting to run away I fell upon the farmer
to whom the hay belonged, and broke his neck,
yet received no injury myself. I afterwards found,
to my great consolation, that this fellow was a
most detestable character, always keeping the pro
duce of his grounds for extravagant markets.
CHAPTER XX
The Baron slips through the world : after paying a visit to
Mount Etna he finds himself in the South Sea ; visits Vulcan
in his passage; gets on board a Dutchman ; arrives at an
island of cheese, surrounded by a sea of milk ; describes some
very extraordinary objects Lose their compass ; their ship slips
between the teeth of a fish unknown in this part of the world ;
their difficulty in escaping from thence ; arrive in the Caspian
Sea Starves a bear to death A few waistcoat anecdotes In
this chapter, which is the longest, the Baron moralises upon the
virtue of veracity.
R. DRYBONES "Travels to Sicily,"
which I had read with great plea
sure, induced me to pay a visit to
Mount Etna ; my voyage to this
place was not attended with any
circumstances worth relating. One morning early,
three or four days after my arrival, I set out from
a cottage where I had slept, within six miles of
the foot of the mountain, determined to explore
the internal parts, if I perished in the attempt.
After three hours hard labour I found myself at
the top ; it was then, and had been for upwards
of three weeks, raging : its appearance in this
124
n A RON MUNCHAVSEN 125
state has been so frequently noticed by different
travellers, that I will not tire you with descrip
tions of objects you are already acquainted with.
I walked round the edge of the crater, which
appeared to be fifty times at least as capacious
as the Devil s Punch-Bowl near Petersfield, on the
Portsmouth Road, but not so broad at the bottom,
as in that part it resembles the contracted part of
a funnel more than a punch-bowl. At last, having
made up my mind, in I sprang feet foremost ; I
t
soon found myself in a warm berth, and my body
bruised and burnt in various parts by the red-hot
cinders, which, by their violent ascent, opposed
my descent : however, my weight soon brought
me to the bottom, where I found myself in the
midst of noise and clamour, mixed with the most
horrid imprecations ; after recovering my senses,
and feeling a reduction of my pain, I began to
look about me. Guess, gentlemen, my astonish
ment, when I found myself in the company of
Vulcan and his Cyclops, who had been quarrel
ling, for the three weeks before mentioned, about
the observation of good order and due subordina
tion, and which had occasioned such alarms for
that space of time in the world above. However,
my arrival restored peace to the whole society,
and Vulcan himself did me the honour of apply-
i 2 6 TRAVELS OF
ing plasters to my wounds, which healed them
immediately ; he also placed refreshments before
me, particularly nectar, and other rich wines, such
as the gods and goddesses only aspire to. After
this repast was over Vulcan ordered Venus to
show me every indulgence which my situation
required. To describe the apartment, and the
couch on which I reposed, is totally impossible,
therefore I will not attempt it ; let it suffice to
say, it exceeds the power of language to do it
justice, or speak of that kind-hearted goddess in
any terms equal to her merit.
Vulcan gave me a very concise account of
Mount Etna : he said it was nothing more than
an accumulation of ashes thrown from his forge ;
that he was frequently obliged to chastise his
people, at whom, in his passion, he made it a
practice to throw red-hot coals at home, which
they often parried with great dexterity, and then
threw them up into the world to place them out
of his reach, for they never attempted to assault
him in return by throwing them back again.
" Our quarrels," added he, " last sometimes three
or four months, and these appearances of coals or
cinders in the world are what I find you mortals
call eruptions." Mount Vesuvius, he assured me,
was another of his shops, to which he had a
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 127
passage three hundred and fifty leagues under
the bed of the sea, where similar quarrels pro
duced similar eruptions. I should have continued
here as an humble attendant upon Madam Venus,
but some busy tattlers, who delight in mischief,
whispered a tale in Vulcan s ear, which roused in
him a fit of jealousy not to be appeased. With
out the least previous notice he took me one
morning under his arm, as I was waiting upon
Venus, agreeable to custom, and carried me to
an apartment I had never before seen, in which
there was, to all appearance, a well with a wide
mouth : over this he held me at arm s length, and
saying, " Ungrateful mortal, return to the world
from ivJience you came without giving me the
least opportunity of reply, dropped me in the
centre. I found myself descending with an in
creasing rapidity, till the horror of my mind
deprived me of all reflection. I suppose I fell
into a trance, from which I was suddenly aroused
by plunging into a large body of water illumi
nated by the rays of the sun ! !
I could, from my infancy, swim well, and play
tricks in the water. I now found myself in
paradise, considering the horrors of mind I had
just been released from. After looking about
me some time, I could discover nothing but an
128 TRAVELS OP
expanse of sea, extending beyond the eye in every
direction ; I also found it very cold, a different
climate from Master Vulcan s shop. At last I
observed at some distance a body of amazing
magnitude, like a huge rock, approaching me ;
I soon discovered it to be a piece of floating ice ;
I swam round it till I found a place where I could
ascend to the top, which I did, but not without
some difficulty. Still I was out of sight of land,
and despair returned with double force ; however,
before night came on I saw a sail, which we
approached very fast ; when it was within a very
small distance I hailed them in German ; they
answered in Dutch. I then flung myself into
the sea, and they threw out a rope, by which I
was taken on board. I now inquired where we
were, and was informed, in the great Southern
Ocean ; this opened a discovery which removed
all my doubts and difficulties. It was now evi
dent that I had passed from Mount Etna through
the centre of the earth to the South Seas : this,
gentlemen, was a much shorter cut than going
round the world, and which no man has accom
plished, or ever attempted, but myself; however,
the next time I perform it I will be much more
particular in my observations.
I took some refreshment, and went to rest.
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 129
The Dutch are a very rude sort of people ; I
related the Etna passage to the officers, exactly as
I have done to you, and some of them, particularly
the Captain, seemed by his grimace and half-
sentence to doubt my veracity ; however, as he
had kindly taken me on board his vessel, and
was then in the very act of administering to my
necessities, I pocketed the affront.
I now in my turn began to inquire where they
were bound ? To which they answered, they were
in search of new discoveries ; " and if," said they,
your story is true, a new passage is really dis
covered, and ive shall not return disappointed."
We were now exactly in Captain Cook s first
track, and arrived the next morning in Botany
Bay. This place I would by no means recom
mend to the English government as a receptacle
for felons, or place of punishment; it should
rather be the reward of merit, nature having
most bountifully bestowed her best gifts upon it.
We stayed here but three days ; the fourth after
our departure a most dreadful storm arose, which
in a few hours destroyed all our sails, splintered
our bowsprit, and brought down our topmast ;
it fell directly upon the box that enclosed our
compass, which, with the compass, was broken to
pieces. Every one who has been at sea knows
i 3 o TRAVELS OF
the consequences of such a misfortune : we now
were at a loss where to steer. At length the
storm abated, which was followed by a steady,
brisk gale, that carried us at least forty knots an
hour for six months ! [we should suppose the
Baron has made a little mistake, and substituted
months for days] when we began to observe
an amazing change in everything about us : our
spirits became light, our noses were regaled with
the most aromatic effluvia imaginable : the sea
had also changed its complexion, and from green
became white ! ! Soon after these wonderful
alterations we saw land, and not at any great
distance an inlet, which we sailed up near sixty
leagues, and found it wide and deep, flowing with
milk of the most delicious taste. Here we landed,
and soon found it was an island consisting of one
large cheese : we discovered this by one of the
company fainting away as soon as we landed :
this man always had an aversion to cheese ; when
he recovered, he desired the cheese to be taken
from under his feet : upon examination we found
him perfectly right, for the whole island, as before
observed, was nothing but a cheese of immense
magnitude! Upon this the inhabitants, who are
amazingly numerous, principally sustain them
selves, and it grows every night in proportion as
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 131
it is consumed in the day. Here seemed to be
plenty of vines, with bunches of large grapes,
which, upon being pressed, yielded nothing but
milk. We saw the inhabitants running races
upon the surface of the milk : they were upright,
comely figures, nine feet high, have three legs,
and but one arm ; upon the whole, their form
was graceful, and when they quarrel, they exer
cise a straight horn, which grows in adults from
the centre of their foreheads, with great adroit
ness ; they did not sink at all, but ran and walked
upon the surface of the milk, as we do upon a
bowling-green.
Upon this island of cheese grows great plenty
of corn, the ears of which produce loaves of bread,
ready made, of a round form like mushrooms.
We discovered, in our rambles over this cheese,
seventeen other rivers of milk, and ten of wine.
After thirty-eight days journey we arrived on
the opposite side to that on which we landed :
here we found some blue mould, as cheese-eaters
call it, from whence spring all kinds of rich fruit ;
instead of breeding mites it produced peaches,
nectarines, apricots, and a thousand delicious
fruits which we are not acquainted with. In
these trees, which are of an amazing size, were
plenty of birds nests ; amongst others was a king-
132 TRAVELS OF
fisher s of prodigious magnitude ; it was at least
twice the circumference of the dome of St. Paul s
Church in London. Upon inspection, this nest
was made of huge trees curiously joined together;
there were, let me see (for I make it a rule ahvays
to speak within compass), there were upwards of
five hundred eggs in this nest, and each of them
was as large as four common hogsheads, or eight
barrels, and we could not only see, but hear the
young ones chirping within. Having, with great
fatigue, cut open one of these eggs, we let out a
young one unfeathered, considerably larger than
twenty full-grown vultures. Just as we had given
this youngster his liberty the old kingfisher lighted,
and seizing our captain, who had been active in
breaking the egg, in one of her claws, flew with
him above a mile high, and then let him drop
into the sea, but not till she had beaten all his
teeth out of his mouth with her wings.
Dutchmen generally swim well : he soon joined
us, and we retreated to our ship. On our return
we took a different route, and observed many
strange objects. We shot two wild oxen, each
with one horn, also like the inhabitants, except
that it sprouted from between the eyes of these
animals ; we were afterwards concerned at having
destroyed them, as we found, by inquiry, they
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 135
tamed these creatures, and used them as we do
horses, to ride upon and draw their carriages ;
their flesh, we were informed, is excellent, but
useless where people live upon cheese and milk.
When we had reached within two days journey
of the ship we observed three men hanging to a
tall tree by their heels ; upon inquiring the cause
of their punishment, I found they had all been
travellers, and upon their return home had de
ceived their friends by describing places they
never saw, and relating things that never hap
pened : this gave me no concern, as I have ever
confined myself to facts.
As soon as we arrived at the ship we unmoored,
and set sail from this extraordinary country, when,
to our astonishment, all the trees upon shore,
of which there were a great number very tall
and large, paid their respects to us twice, bowing
to exact time, and immediately recovered their
former posture, which was quite erect.
By what we could learn of this CHEESE, it
was considerably larger than the continent of all
Europe !
After sailing three months we knew not where,
being still without compass, we arrived in a sea
which appeared to be almost black : upon tasting
it we found it most excellent wine, and had great
136 TRAVELS OP
difficulty to keep the sailors from getting drunk
with it : however, in a few hours we found our
selves surrounded by whales and other animals of
an immense magnitude, one of which appeared to
be too large for the eye to form a judgment of:
we did not see him till we were close to him.
This monster drew our ship, with all her masts
standing, and sails bent, by suction into his
mouth, between his teeth, which were much larger
and taller than the mast of a first-rate man-of-war.
After we had been in his mouth some time he
opened it pretty wide, took in an immense quan
tity of water, and floated our vessel, which was
at least 500 tons burthen, into his stomach ; here
we lay as quiet as at anchor in a dead calm.
The air, to be sure, was rather w T arm, and very
offensive. We found anchors, cables, boats, and
barges in abundance, and a considerable number
of ships, some laden and some not, which this
creature had swallowed. Everything was trans
acted by torch-light ; no sun, no moon, no planet,
to make observations from. We were all gener
ally afloat and aground twice a-day ; whenever he
drank, it became high water with us ; and when
he evacuated, we found ourselves aground ; upon
a moderate computation, he took in more water
at a single draught than is generally to be found
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 137
in the Lake of Geneva, though that is above
thirty miles in circumference. On the second day
of our confinement in these regions of darkness,
I ventured at low water, as we called it when the
ship was aground, to ramble with the Captain,
and a few of the other officers, with lights in our
hands ; we met with people of all nations, to the
amount of upwards of ten thousand ; they were
going to hold a council how to recover their
liberty ; some of them having lived in this animal s
stomach several years ; there were several children
here who had never seen the world, their mothers
having lain in repeatedly in this warm situation.
Just as the chairman was going to inform us of
the business upon which we were assembled, this
plaguy fish, becoming thirsty, drank in his usual
manner ; the water poured in with such impetu
osity, that we were all obliged to retreat to our
respective ships immediately, or run the risk of
being drowned ; some were obliged to swim for
it, and with difficulty saved their lives. In a few
hours after we were more fortunate, we met again
just after the monster had evacuated. I was
chosen chairman, and the first thing I did was
to propose splicing two main-masts together, and
the next time he opened his mouth to be ready
to wedge them in, so as to prevent his shutting it.
i 3 8 TRAVELS OF
It was unanimously approved. One hundred
stout men were chosen upon this service. We
had scarcely got our masts properly prepared
when an opportunity offered ; the monster opened
his mouth, immediately the top of the mast was
placed against the roof, and the other end pierced
his tongue, which effectually prevented him from
shutting his mouth. As soon as everything in
his stomach was afloat, we manned a few boats,
who rowed themselves and us into the world.
The daylight, after, as near as we could judge,
three months confinement in total darkness,
cheered our spirits surprisingly. When we had
all taken our leave of this capacious animal,
we mustered just a fleet of ninety-five ships,
of all nations, who had been in this confined
situation.
We left the two masts in his mouth, to prevent
others being confined in the same horrid gulf of
darkness and filth. Our first object was to learn
what part of the world we were in ; this we were
for some time at a loss to ascertain : at last I
found, from former observations, that we were
in the Caspian Sea ! which washes part of the
country of the Calmuck Tartars. How we came
here is was impossible to conceive, as this sea
has no communication with any other. One of
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 139
the inhabitants of the Cheese Island, whom I
had brought with me, accounted for it thus :-
that the monster in whose stomach we had been
so long confined had carried us here through some
subterraneous passage ; however, we pushed to
shore, and I was the first who landed. Just as
I put my foot upon the ground a large bear
leaped upon me with its fore-paws ; I caught
one in each hand, and squeezed him till he cried
out most lustily ; however, in this position I held
him till I starved him to death. You may laugh,
gentlemen, but this was soon accomplished, as I
prevented him licking his paws. From hence I
travelled up to St. Petersburg a second time :
here an old friend gave me a most excellent
pointer, descended from the famous bitch before-
mentioned, that littered while she was hunting a
hare. I had the misfortune to have him shot
soon after by a blundering sportsman, who fired
at him instead of a covey of partridges which he
had just set. Of this creature s skin I have had
this waistcoat made (showing his waistcoat), which
always leads me involuntarily to game if I walk
in the fields in the proper season, and when I
come within shot, one of the buttons constantly
flies off, and lodges upon the spot where the sport
is; and as the birds rise, being always primed
SUPPLEMENT
Extraordinary flight on the back of an eagle, over France to
Gibraltar, South and North America, the Polar Regions, and
back to England, within six-and-thirty hours.
BOUT the beginning of his present
Majesty s reign I had some busi
ness with a distant relation who
then lived on the Isle of Thanet ;
it was a family dispute, and not
likely to be finished soon. I made it a practice
during my residence there, the weather being
fine, to walk out every morning. After a few
of these excursions I observed an object upon
a great eminence about three miles distant : I
extended my walk to it, and found the ruins of
an ancient temple : I approached it with admira
tion and astonishment ; the traces of grandeur
and magnificence which yet remained were evident
proofs of its former splendour : here I could not
help lamenting the ravages and devastations of
time, of which that once noble structure exhibited
such a melancholy proof. I walked round it
142
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 143
several times, meditating on the fleeting and
transitory nature of all terrestrial things ; on the
eastern end were the remains of a lofty tower,
near forty feet high, overgrown with ivy, the top
apparently flat ; I surveyed it on every side very
minutely, thinking that if I could gain its summit
I should enjoy the most delightful prospect of the
circumjacent country. Animated with this hope,
I resolved, if possible, to gain the summit, which
I at length effected by means of the ivy, though
not without great difficulty and danger ; the top I
found covered with this evergreen, except a large
chasm in the middle. After I had surveyed with
pleasing wonder the beauties of art and nature
that conspired to enrich the scene, curiosity
prompted me to sound the opening in the middle,
in order to ascertain its depth, as I entertained
a suspicion that it might probably communicate
with some unexplored subterranean cavern in
the hill ; but having no line I was at a loss how
to proceed. After revolving the matter in my
thoughts for some time, I resolved to drop a stone
down and listen to the echo : having found one
that answered my purpose I placed myself over
the hole, with one foot on each side, and stooping
down to listen, I dropped the stone, which I had
no sooner done than I heard a rustling below, and
i 4 4 TRAVELS OF
suddenly a monstrous eagle put up its head right
opposite my face, and rising up with irresistible
force, carried me away seated on its shoulders : I
instantly grasped it round the neck, which was
large enough to fill my arms, and its wings, when
extended, were ten yards from one extremity to
the other. As it rose with a regular ascent, my
seat was perfectly easy, and I enjoyed the prospect
below with inexpressible pleasure. It hovered
over Margate for some time, was seen by several
people, and many shots were fired at it ; one ball
hit the heel of my shoe, but did me no injury. It
then directed its course to Dover cliff, where it
alighted, and I thought of dismounting, but was
prevented by a sudden discharge of musketry from
a party of marines that were exercising on the
beach ; the balls flew about my head, and rattled
on the feathers of the eagle like hail- stones, yet I
could not perceive it had received any injury. It
instantly reascended and flew over the sea towards
Calais, but so very high that the Channel seemed
to be no broader than the Thames at London
Bridge. In a quarter of an hour I found myself
over a thick wood in France, where the eagle
descended very rapidly, which caused me to slip
down to the back part of its head ; but alighting
on a large tree, and raising its head, I recovered
K
i 4 4 TRAVELS OF
suddenly a monstrous eagle put up its head right
opposite my face, and rising up with irresistible
force, carried me away seated on its shoulders : I
instantly grasped it round the neck, which was
large enough to fill my arms, and its wings, when
extended, were ten yards from one extremity to
the other. As it rose with a regular ascent, my
seat was perfectly easy, and I enjoyed the prospect
below with inexpressible pleasure. It hovered
over Margate for some time, was seen by several
people, and many shots were fired at it ; one ball
hit the heel of my shoe, but did me no injury. It
then directed its course to Dover cliff, where it
alighted, and I thought of dismounting, but was
prevented by a sudden discharge of musketry from
a party of marines that were exercising on the
beach ; the balls flew about my head, and rattled
on the feathers of the eagle like hail-stones, yet I
could not perceive it had received any injury. It
instantly reascended and flew over the sea towards
Calais, but so very high that the Channel seemed
to be no broader than the Thames at London
Bridge. In a quarter of an hour I found myself
over a thick wood in France, where the eagle
descended very rapidly, which caused me to slip
down to the back part of its head ; but alighting
on a large tree, and raising its head, I recovered
K
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 147
my seat as before, but saw no possibility of dis
engaging myself without the danger of being
killed by the fall ; so I determined to sit fast,
thinking it would carry me to the Alps, or some
other high mountain, where I could dismount
without any danger. After resting a few minutes
it took wing, flew several times round the wood,
and screamed loud enough to be heard across the
English Channel. In a few minutes one of the
same species arose out of the wood, and flew
directly towards us ; it surveyed me with evident
marks of displeasure, and came very near me.
After flying several times round, they both directed
their course to the south-west. I soon observed
that the one I rode upon could not keep pace
with the other, but inclined towards the earth, on
account of my weight ; its companion perceiving
this, turned round and placed itself in such a
position that the other could rest its head on its
rump ; in this manner they proceeded till noon,
when I saw the rock of Gibraltar very distinctly.
The day being clear, notwithstanding my degree
of elevation, the earth s surface appeared just like
a map, where land, sea, lakes, rivers, mountains,
and the like were perfectly distinguishable ; and
having some knowledge of geography, I was at no
loss to determine what part of the globe I was in.
152 TRAVELS OF
and descended on the top of a very high moun
tain. At this time the moon, far distant in the
west, and obscured by dark clouds, but just
afforded light sufficient for me to discover a kind
of shrubbery all around, bearing fruit something
like cabbages, which the eagles began to feed on
very eagerly. I endeavoured to discover my situa
tion, but fogs and passing clouds involved me in
the thickest darkness, and what rendered the scene
still more shocking was the tremendous howling
of wild beasts, some of which appeared to be very
near : however, I determined to keep my seat,
imagining that the eagle would carry me away
if any of them should make a hostile attempt.
When daylight began to appear, I thought of ex
amining the fruit which I had seen the eagles eat,
and as some was hanging which I could easily
come at, I took out my knife and cut a slice ;
but how great was my surprise to see that it had
all the appearance of roast beef regularly mixed,
both fat and lean ! I tasted it, and found it well
flavoured and delicious, then cut several large
slices and put in my pocket, where I found a crust
of bread which I had brought from Margate ; took
it out, and found three musket-balls that had been
lodged in it on Dover cliff. I extracted them,
and cutting a few slices more, made a hearty meal
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 155
of bread and cold beef fruit. I then cut down
two of the largest that grew near me, and tying
them together with one of my garters, hung them
over the eagle s neck for another occasion, filling
my pockets at the same time. While I was
settling these affairs I observed a large fruit like
an inflated bladder, which I wished to try an ex
periment upon : and striking my knife into one of
them, a fine pure ]iquor like Hollands gin rushed
out, which the eagles observing, eagerly drank up
from the ground. I cut down the bladder as fast
as I could, and saved about half a pint in the
bottom of it, which I tasted, and could not distin
guish it from the best mountain wine. I drank
it all, and found myself greatly refreshed. By
this time the eagles began to stagger against the
shrubs. I endeavoured to keep my seat, but was
soon thrown to some distance among the bushes.
In attempting to rise I put my hand upon a large
hedgehog, which happened to lie among the grass
upon its back : it instantly closed round my hand,
so that I found it impossible to shake it off. I
struck it several times against the ground without
effect ; but while I was thus employed I heard a
rustling among the shrubbery, and looking up, I
saw a huge animal within three yards of me ; I
could make no defence, but held out both my
156 TRAVELS OF
hands, when it rushed upon me, and seized that
on which the hedgehog was fixed. My hand
being soon relieved, I ran to some distance, where
I saw the creature suddenly drop down and ex
pire with the hedgehog in its throat. When the
danger was past I went to view the eagles, and
found them lying on the grass fast asleep, being
intoxicated with the liquor they had drank. In
deed, I found myself considerably elevated by it,
and seeing everything quiet, I began to search for
some more, which I soon found ; and having cut
down two large bladders, about a gallon each, I
tied them together, and hung them over the neck
of the other eagle, and the two smaller ones I
tied with a cord round my own waist. Having
secured a good stock of provisions, and perceiving
the eagles begin to recover, I again took my seat.
In half an hour they arose majestically from the
place, without taking the least notice of their
incumbrance. Each reassumed its former station ;
and directing their course to the northward, they
crossed the Gulf of Mexico, entered North Ame
rica, and steered directly for the Polar regions,
which gave me the finest opportunity of viewing
this vast continent that can possibly be imagined.
Before we entered the frigid zone the cold
began to affect me ; but piercing one of my
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 157
bladders, I took a draught, and found that it
could make no impression on me afterwards.
Passing over Hudson s Bay, I saw several of the
Company s ships lying at anchor, and many tribes
of Indians marching with their furs to market.
By this time I was so reconciled to my seat,
and become such an expert rider, that I could sit
up and look around me ; but in general I lay
along the eagle s neck, grasping it in my arms,
with my hands immersed in its feathers, in order
to keep them warm.
In these cold climates I observed that the
eagles flew with greater rapidity, in order, I sup
pose, to keep their blood in circulation. In pass
ing Baffin s Bay I saw several large Greenlandmen
to the eastward, and many surprising mountains
of ice in those seas.
While I was surveying these wonders of nature
it occurred to me that this was a good opportunity
to discover the north-west passage, if any such
thing existed, and not only obtain the reward
offered by government, but the honour of a dis
covery pregnant with so many advantages to every
European nation. But while my thoughts were
absorbed in this pleasing reverie I was alarmed
by the first eagle striking its head against a solid
transparent substance, and in a moment that
1 58 TRAVELS OF
which I rode experienced the same fate, and both
fell down seemingly dead.
Here our lives must inevitably have terminated,
had not a sense of danger, and the singularity of
my situation, inspired me with a degree of skill
and dexterity which enabled us to fall near two
miles perpendicular with as little inconveniency
as if we had been let down with a rope : for no
sooner did I perceive the eagles strike against
a frozen cloud, which is very common near the
poles, than (they being close together) I laid
myself along the back of the foremost, and took
hold of its wings to keep them extended, at the
same time stretching out my legs behind to sup
port the wings of the other. This had the desired
effect, and we descended very safe on a mountain
of ice, which I supposed to be about three miles
above the level of the sea.
I dismounted, unloaded the eagles, opened one
of the bladders, and administered some of the
liquor to each of them, without once considering
that the horrors of destruction seemed to have
conspired against me. The roaring of waves,
crashing of ice, and the howling of bears, con
spired to form a scene the most awful and tre
mendous : but notwithstanding this, my concern
for the recovery of the eagles was so great, that I
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 159
was insensible of the danger to which I was
exposed. Having rendered them every assistance
in my power, I stood over them in painful anxiety,
fully sensible that it was only by means of them
that I could possibly be delivered from these
abodes of despair.
But suddenly a monstrous bear began to roar
behind me, with a voice like thunder. I turned
round, and seeing the creature just ready to
devour me, having the bladder of liquor in my
hands, through fear I squeezed it so hard, that
it burst, and the liquor flying in the eyes of the
animal, totally deprived it of sight. It instantly
turned from me, ran away in a state of distrac
tion, and soon fell over a precipice of ice into
the sea, where I saw it no more.
The danger being over, I again turned my
attention to the eagles, whom I found in a fair
way of recovery, and suspecting that they were
faint for want of victuals, I took one of the beef
fruit, cut it into small slices, and presented them
with it, which they devoured with avidity.
Having given them plenty to eat and drink,
and disposed of the remainder of my provision,
I took possession of my seat as before. After
composing myself, and adjusting everything in
the best manner, I began to eat and drink very
160 TRAVELS OF
heartily ; and through the effects of the mountain
wine, as I called it, was very cheerful, and hegan to
sing a few verses of a song which I had learned
when I was a boy : but the noise soon alarmed
the eagles, who had been asleep, through the
quantity of liquor which they had drank, and
they rose seemingly much terrified. Happily
for me, however, when I was feeding them I had
accidentally turned their heads towards the south-
m
east, which course they pursued with a rapid
motion. In a few hours I saw the Western Isles,
and soon after had the inexpressible pleasure of
seeing Old England. I took no notice of the
seas or islands over which I passed.
The eagles descended gradually as they drew
near the shore, intending, as I supposed, to alight
on one of the Welsh mountains ; but when they
came to the distance of about sixty yards two
guns were fired at them, loaded with balls, one
of which took place in a bladder of liquor that
hung to my waist ; the other entered the breast
of the foremost eagle, who fell to the ground,
while that which 1 rode, having received no in
jury, flew away with amazing swiftness.
This circumstance alarmed me exceedingly, and
I began to think it was impossible for me to
escape with my life ; but recovering a little, I
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 161
once more looked down upon the earth, when,
to my inexpressible joy, I saw Margate at a little
distance, and the eagle descending on the old
tower whence it had carried me on the morning
of the day before. It no sooner came down
than I threw myself off, happy to find that I
was once more restored to the world. The eagle
flew away in a few minutes, and I sat down to
compose my fluttering spirits, which I did in a
few hours.
I soon paid a visit to my friends, and related
these adventures. Amazement stood in every
countenance ; their congratulations on my re
turning in safety were repeated with an un
affected degree of pleasure, and we passed the
evening as we are doing now, every person
present paying the highest compliments to my
COURAGE and VERACITY.
PREFACE
TO THE SECOND VOLUME
ARON MUNCH AUSEN has cer
tainly been productive of much
benefit to the literary world ; the
numbers of egregious travellers
have been such, that they de
manded a very Gulliver to surpass them. If
Baron de Tott dauntlessly discharged an enor
mous piece of artillery, the Baron Munchausen
has done more ; he has taken it and swam
with it across the sea. When travellers are
solicitous to be the heroes of their own story,
surely they must admit to superiority, and blush
at seeing themselves out-done by the renowned
Munchausen : I doubt whether any one hitherto,
Pantagruel, Gargantua, Captain Lemuel, or De
Tott, has been able to out-do our Baron in
this species of excellence : and as at present
our curiosity seems much directed to the interior
of Africa, it must be edifying to have the real
1 64 PREFACE
relation of Munchausen s adventures there before
any further intelligence arrives ; for he seems to
adapt himself and his exploits to the spirit of
the times, and recounts what he thinks should
be most interesting to his auditors.
I do not say that the Baron, in the following
stories, means a satire on any political matters
whatever. No ; but if the reader understands
them so, I cannot help it.
If the Baron meets with a parcel of negro
ships carrying whites into slavery to work upon
their plantations in a cold climate, should we
therefore imagine that he intends a reflection on
the present traffic in human flesh ? And that, if
the negroes should do so, it would be simple
justice, as retaliation is the law of God! If
we were to think this a reflection on any pre
sent commercial or political matter, we should
be tempted to imagine, perhaps, some political
ideas conveyed in every page, in every sentence
of the whole. Whether such things are or are
not the intentions of the Baron the reader must
We have had not only wonderful travellers in
this vile world, but splenetic travellers, and of
these not a few, and also conspicuous enough.
It is a pity, therefore, that the Baron has not
PREFACE 165
endeavoured to surpass them also in this species
of story-telling. Who is it can read the travels
of Smellfungus, as Sterne calls him, without
admiration? To think that a person from the
North of Scotland should travel through some
of the finest countries in Europe, and find fault
with everything he meets- -nothing to please
him ! And therefore, methinks, the Tour to the
Hebrides is more excusable, and also perhaps
Mr. Twiss s Tour in Ireland. Dr. Johnson, bred
in the luxuriance of London, with more reason
should become cross and splenetic in the bleak
and dreary regions of the Hebrides.
The Baronj in the following work, seems to
be sometimes philosophical ; his account of the
language of the interior of Africa, and its
analogy with that of the inhabitants of the
moon, show him to be profoundly versed in the
etymological antiquities of nations, and throw
new light upon the abstruse history of the
ancient Scythians, and the Collectanea.
His endeavour to abolish the custom of eating
live flesh in the interior of Africa, as described
in Bruce s Travels, is truly humane. But far be
it from me to suppose, that by Gog and Magog
and the Lord Mayor s show he means a satire
upon any person or body of persons whatever:
i66 PREFACE
or, by a tedious litigated trial of blind judges
and dumb matrons following a wild goose chase
all round the world, he should glance at any
trial whatever.
Nevertheless, I must allow that it was ex
tremely presumptuous in Munchausen to tell
half the sovereigns of the world that they were
wrong, and advise them what they ought to do ;
and that instead of ordering millions of their
subjects to massacre one another, it would be
more to their interest to employ their forces in
concert for the general good ; as if he knew
better than the Empress of Eussia, the Grand
Vizier, Prince Potemkin, or any other butcher
in the world. But that he should be a royal
Aristocrat, and take the part of the injured
Queen of France in the present political drama,
I am not at all surprised ; but I suppose his
mind was fired by reading the pamphlet written
by Mr. Burke.
THE SECOND VOLUME
CHAPTER XXI
The Baron insists on the veracity of his former Memoirs
Forms a design of making discoveries in the interior parts of
Africa His discourse with Hilaro Frosticos about it His
conversation with Lady Fragrantia The Baron goes, with
other persons of distinction, to Court ; relates an anecdote of the
Marquis de Bellecourt.
LL that I have related before, said
the Baron, is gospel ; and if there
be any one so hardy as to deny
it, I am ready to fight him with
any weapon he pleases. Yes, cried
he, in a more elevated tone, as he started from
his seat, I will condemn him to swallow this
decanter, glass and all perhaps, and filled with
kerren-wasser [a kind of ardent spirit distilled
from cherries, and much used in some parts of
Germany]. Therefore, my dear friends and com
panions, have confidence in what I say, and pay
honour to the tales of Munchausen. A traveller
167
1 68 TRAVELS OF
has a right to relate and embellish his adventures
as he pleases, and it is very impolite to refuse
that deference and applause they deserve.
Having passed some time in England since
the completion of my former memoirs, I at
length began to revolve in my mind what a
prodigious field of discovery must be in the
interior part of Africa. I could not sleep with
the thoughts of it ; I therefore determined to
gain every proper assistance from Government
to penetrate the celebrated source of the Nile,
and assume the viceroyship of the interior king
doms of Africa, or, at least, the great realm of
Monomotapa. It was happy for me that I had
one most powerful friend at court, whom I shall
call the illustrious Hilaro Frosticos. You per
chance know him not by that name ; but we
had a language among ourselves, as well we
may, for in the course of my peregrinations I
have acquired precisely nine hundred and ninety-
nine leash of languages. What ! gentlemen, do
you stare "? Well, I allow there are not so many
languages spoken in this vile world ; but then,
have I not been in the moon? and trust me,
whenever I write a treatise upon education, I
shall delineate methods of inculcating whole
dozens of languages at once, French, Spanish,
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 169
Greek, Hebrew, Cherokee, &c., in such a style
as will shame all the pedagogues existing.
Having passed a whole night without being
able to sleep for the vivid imagination of Afri
can discoveries, I hastened to the levee of my
illustrious friend Hilaro Frosticos, and having
mentioned my intention with all the vigour of
fancy, he gravely considered my words, and
after some awful meditations thus he spoke :
Olough, ma genesat, istum fullanah, cum dera
Jcargos belgarasah eseum balgo bartigos triangu-
lissimus ! However, added he, it behoveth thee
to consider and ponder well upon the perils
and the multitudinous dangers in the way of
that wight who thus advanceth in all the
perambulation of adventures : and verily, most
valiant sire and Baron, I hope thou wilt demean
thyself with all that laudable gravity and pre
caution which, as is related in the three hundred
and forty-seventh chapter of the Prophilactics, is
of more consideration than all the merit in this
terraqueous globe. Yes, most truly do I advise
thee unto thy good, and speak unto thee, most
valiant Munchausen, with the greatest esteem, and
wish thee to succeed in thy voyage ; for it is said,
that in the interior realms of Africa there are
tribes that can see but just three inches and a
1 70 TRAVELS OF
half beyond the extremity of their noses ; and
verily thou shouldest moderate thyself, even sure
and slow ; they stumble who walk fast. But we
shall bring you unto the Lady Fragrantia, and
have her opinion of the matter. He then took
from his pocket a cap of dignity, such as de
scribed in the most honourable and antique
heraldry, and placing it upon my head, addressed
me thus: "As thou seemest again to revive the
spirit of ancient adventure, permit me to place
upon thy head this favour, as a mark of the
esteem in which I hold thy valorous disposition."
The Lady Fragrantia, my dear friends, was
one of the most divine creatures in all Great
Britain, and was desperately in love with me.
She was drawing my portrait upon a piece of
white satin, when the most noble Hilaro Frosticos
advanced. He pointed to the cap of dignity
which he had placed upon my head. "I do
declare, Hilaro," said the lovely Fragrantia, " tis
pretty, tis interesting; I love you, and I like
you, my dear Baron," said she, putting on another
plume: "this gives it an air more delicate and
more fantastical. I do thus, my dear Munchausen,
as your friend, yet you can reject or accept my
present just as you please ; but I like the fancy,
tis a good one, and I mean to improve it : and
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 173
against whatever enemies you go, I shall have
the sweet satisfaction to remember you bear my
favour on your head !
I snatched it with trepidation, and gracefully
dropping on my knees, I three times kissed it
with all the rapture of romantic love. " I swear,"
cried I, "by thy bright eyes, and by the lovely
whiteness of thine arm, that no savage, tyrant,
or enemy upon the face of the earth shall despoil
me of this favour, while one drop of the blood
of the Munchausens doth circulate in my veins !
I will bear it triumphant through the realms of
Africa, whither I now intend my course, and
make it respected, even in the court of Prester
John."
"I admire your spirit," replied she, "and
shall use my utmost interest at court to have
you despatched with every pomp, and as soon
as possible ; but here comes a most brilliant com
pany indeed, Lady Carolina Wilhelmina Amelia
Skeggs, Lord Spigot, and Lady Faucet, and the
Countess of Belleair."
After the ceremonies of introduction to this
company were over, we proceeded to consult
upon the business ; and as the cause met with
general applause, it was immediately determined
that I should proceed without delay, as soon as
174 TRAVELS OF
I obtained the sovereign approbation. " I am
convinced," said Lord Spigot, "that if there be
any thing really unknown and worthy of our
most ardent curiosity, it must be in the immense
regions of Africa ; that country, which seems to
be the oldest on the globe, and yet with the
greater part of which we are almost utterly
unacquainted ; what prodigious wealth of gold
and diamonds must not lie concealed in those
torrid regions, when the very rivers on the coast
pour forth continual specimens of golden sand !
Tis my opinion, therefore, that the Baron de
serves the applause of all Europe for his spirit,
and merits the most powerful assistance of the
sovereign."
So flattering an approbation, you may be sure,
was delightful to my heart, and with every con
fidence and joy I suffered them to take me to
court that instant. After the usual ceremonies
of introduction, suffice it to say that I met with
every honour and applause that my most sanguine
expectations could demand. I had always a
taste for the fashionable je ne sais quoi of the
most elegant society, and in the presence of all
the sovereigns of Europe I ever found myself
quite at home, and experienced from the whole
court the most flattering esteem and admira-
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 175
tion. I remember, one particular day, the fate
of the unfortunate Marquis de Bellecourt. The
Countess of Rassinda, who accompanied him,
looked most divinely. " Yes, I am confident,"
said the Marquis de Bellecourt to me, "that I
have acted according to the strictest sentiments
of justice and of loyalty to my sovereign. What
stronger breast-plate than a heart untainted ? and
though I did not receive a word nor a look, yet I
cannot think no, it were impossible to be mis
represented. Conscious of my own integrity, I
will try again I will go boldly up." The Marquis
de Bellecourt saw the opportunity ; he advanced
three paces, put his hand upon his breast and
bowed. "Permit me," said he, "with the most
profound respect, to ." His tongue faltered
o
he could scarcely believe his sight, for at that
moment the whole company were moving out
of the room. He found himself almost alone,
deserted by every one. " What ! said he, " and
did he turn upon his heel with the most marked
contempt ? Would he not speak to me ? Would
he not even hear me utter a word in my defence ?
His heart died within him not even a look, a
smile from any one. " My friends ! Do they
not know me ? Do they not see me ? Alas ! they
fear to catch the contagion of my . Then,"
176 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
said he, " adieu ! tis more than I can bear. I
shall go to my country seat, and never, never
will return. Adieu, fond court, adieu ! "
The venerable Marquis de Bellecourt stopped
for a moment ere he entered his carriage. Thrice
he looked back, and thrice he wiped the starting
tear from his eye. " Yes," said he, " for once,
at least, truth shall be found in the bottom of
a well ! " ;
Peace to thy ghost, most noble marquis ! a
King of kings shall pity thee ; and thousands
who are yet unborn shall owe their happiness
to thee, and have cause to bless the thousands,
perhaps, that shall never even know thy name ;
but Munchausen s self shall celebrate thy glory !
CHAPTER XXII
Preparations for the Baron s expedition into Africa Descrip
tion of his chariot ; the beauties of its interior decorations ; the
animals that drew it, and the mechanism of the wheels.
[VERYTHING being concluded, and
having received my instructions for
the voyage, I was conducted by the
illustrious Hilaro Frosticos, the Lady
Fragrantia, and a prodigious crowd
of nobility, and placed sitting upon the summit
of the whale s bones at the palace ; and having
remained in this situation for three days and
three nights, as a trial ordeal, and a specimen
of my perseverance and resolution, the third hour
after midnight they seated me in the chariot of
Queen Mab. It was of a prodigious dimension,
large enough to contain more stowage than the
tun of Heidelberg, and globular like a hazel-
nut : in fact, it seemed to be really a hazel-nut
grown to a most extravagant dimension, and that
a great worm of proportionable enormity had
bored a hole in the shell. Through this same
177
17$ TRAVELS
entrance I was ushered. It was as large as a
coach-door, and I took my seat in the centre, a
kind of chair self-balanced without touching any
thing, like the fancied tomb of Mahomet. The
whole interior surface of the nutshell appeared
a luminous representation of all the stars of
heaven, the fixed stars, the planets, and a comet.
The stars were as large as those worn by our
first nobility, and the comet, excessively brilliant,
seemed as if you had assembled all the eyes of
the beautiful girls in the kingdom, and combined
them, like a peacock s plumage, into the form of
a comet that is, a globe, and a bearded tail to it,
diminishing gradually to a point. This beautiful
constellation seemed very sportive and delightful.
It was much in the form of a tadpole ! and, with
out ceasing, went, full of playful giddiness, up
and down, all over the heaven on the concave
surface of the nutshell. One time it would be
at that part of the heavens under my feet, and
in the next minute would be over my head. It
was never at rest, but for ever going east, west,
north, or south, and paid no more respect to the
different worlds than if they were so many lan
terns without reflectors. Some of them he would
dash against and push out of their places ; others
he would burn up and consume to ashes : and
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 179
others again he would split into fritters, and their
fragments would instantly take a globular form,
like spilled quicksilver, and become satellites to
whatever other worlds they should happen to
meet with in their career. In short, the whole
seemed an epitome of the creation, past, present,
and future ; and all that passes among the stars
during one thousand years was here generally
performed in as many seconds.
I surveyed all the beauties of the chariot with
wonder and delight. " Certainly," cried I, " this
is heaven in miniature ! In short, I took the
reins in my hand. But before I proceed on my
adventures, I shall mention the rest of my atten
dant furniture. The chariot was drawn by a
team of nine bulls harnessed to it, three after
three. In the first rank was a most tremendous
bull named John Mowmowsky ; the rest were
called Jacks in general, but not dignified by
any particular denomination. They were all shod
for the journey, not indeed like horses, with
iron, or as bullocks commonly are, to drag on a
cart ; but were shod with men s skulls. Each of
their feet was, hoof and all, crammed into a
man s head, cut off for the purpose, and fastened
therein with a kind of cement or paste, so that
the skull seemed to be a part of the foot
i8o BARON MUNCHAUSEN
hoof of the animal. With these skull- shoes the
creatures could perform astonishing journeys, and
slide upon the water, or upon the ocean, with
great velocity. The harnesses were fastened with
golden buckles, and decked with studs in a
superb style, and the creatures were ridden by
nine postillions, crickets of a great size, as large
as monkeys, who sat squat upon the heads of
the bulls, and were continually chirping at a
most infernal rate, loud in proportion to their
bodies.
The wheels of the chariot consisted of upwards
of ten thousand springs, formed so as to give
the greater impetuosity to the vehicle, and were
more complex than a dozen clocks like that of
Strasburgh. The external of the chariot was
adorned with banners, and a superb festoon of
laurel that formerly shaded me on horseback.
And now, having given you a very concise de
scription of my machine for travelling into Africa,
which you must allow to be far superior to the
apparatus of Monsieur Vaillant, I shall proceed
to relate the exploits of my voyage.
CHAPTER XXIII
The Baron proceeds on his voyage Convoys a squadron to
Gibraltar Declines the acceptance of the island of Candia
His chariot damaged by Pompey s Pillar and Cleopatra s Needle
The Baron out-does Alexander Breaks his chariot, and
splits a great rock at the Cape of Good Hope.
AKING the reins in my hand, while
the music gave a general salute, I
cracked my whip, away they went,
and in three hours I found myself
just between the Isle of Wight
and the main land of England. Here I remained
four days, until I had received part of my ac
companiment, which I was ordered to take under
my convoy. Twas a squadron of men-of-war
that had been a long time prepared for the
Baltic, but which were now destined for the
Mediterranean. By the assistance of large hooks
and eyes, exactly such as are worn in our hats,
but of a greater size, some hundredweight each,
the men-of-war hooked themselves on to the
wheels of the vehicle : and, in fact, nothing
181
182 TRAVELS OF
could be more simple or convenient, because
they could be hooked or unhooked in an instant
with the utmost facility. In short, having given
a general discharge of their artillery, and three
cheers, I cracked my whip, away we went, helter
skelter, and in six jiffies I found myself and all
my retinue safe and in good spirits just at the
rock of Gibraltar. Here I unhooked my squadron,
and having taken an affectionate leave of the
officers, I suffered them to proceed in their or
dinary manner to the place of their destination.
The whole garrison were highly delighted with
the novelty of my vehicle ; and at the pressing
solicitations of the governor and officers I went
ashore, and took a view of that barren old rock,
about which more powder has been fired away
than would purchase twice as much fertile ground
in any part of the world ! Mounting my chariot,
I took the reins, and again made forward, in
mad career, down the Mediterranean to the isle
of Candia. Here I received despatches from the
Sublime Porte, entreating me to assist in the war
against Russia, with a reward of the whole island
of Candia for my alliance. At first I hesitated,
thinking that the island of Candia would be a
most valuable acquisition to the sovereign who
at that time employed me, and that the most
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 183
delicious wines, sugar, &c., in abundance would
flourish on the island ; yet, when I considered
the trade of the East India Company, which
would most probably suffer by the intercourse
with Persia through the Mediterranean, I at
once rejected the proposal, and had afterwards
the thanks of the Honourable the House of
Commons for my propriety and political dis
cernment.
Having been properly refreshed at Candia, I
again proceeded, and in a short time arrived in
the land of Egypt. The land of this country, at
least that part of it near the sea, is very low,
so that I came upon it ere I was aware, and the
Pillar of Pompey got entangled in the various
wheels of the machine, and damaged the whole
considerably. Still I drove on through thick
and thin, till, passing over that great obelisk,
the Needle of Cleopatra, the work got entangled
again, and jolted at a miserable rate over the
mud and swampy ground of all that country ;
yet my poor bulls trotted on with astonishing
labour across the Isthmus of Suez into the Ked
Sea, and left a track, an obscure channel, which
has since been taken by De Tott for the remains
of a canal cut by some of the Ptolemies from
the Red Sea to the Mediterranean ; but, as you
i 8 4 "TRAVELS OF
perceive, was in reality no more than the track of
my chariot, the car of Queen Mab.
As the artists at present in that country are
nothing wonderful, though the ancient Egyp
tians, tis said, were most astonishing fellows, I
could not procure any new coach-springs, or have
a possibility of setting my machine to rights in
the kingdom of Egypt ; and as I could not pre
sume to attempt another journey overland, and
the great mountains of marble beyond the source
of the Nile, I thought it most eligible to make
the best way I could, by sea, to the Cape of
Good Hope, where I supposed I should get some
Dutch smiths and carpenters, or perhaps some
English artists ; and my vehicle being properly
repaired, it was my intention thence to proceed,
overland, through the heart of Africa. The
surface of the water, I well knew, afforded less
resistance to the wheels of the machine it
passed along the waves like the chariot of Nep
tune ; and in short, having gotten upon the Eed
Sea, we scudded away to admiration through the
pass of Babelmandeb to the great Western coast
of Africa, where Alexander had not the courage
to venture.
And really, my friends, if Alexander had
ventured toward the Cape of Good Hope he
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 185
most probably would have never returned. It
is difficult to determine whether there were then
any inhabitants in the more southern parts of
Africa or not ; yet, at any rate, this conqueror
of the world would have made but a nonsensical
adventure ; his miserable ships, not contrived for
a long voyage, would have become leaky, and
foundered, before he could have doubled the
Cape, and left his Majesty fairly beyond the
limits of the then known world. Yet it would
have been an august exit for an Alexander,
after having subdued Persia and India, to be
wandering the Lord knows where, to Jup or
Ammon, perhaps, or on a voyage to the moon,
as an Indian chief once said to Captain Cook.
But, for my part, I was far more successful
than Alexander ; I drove on with the most
amazing rapidity, and thinking to halt on shore
at the Cape, I unfortunately drove too close,
and shattered the right side wheels of my vehicle
against the rock, now called the Table Mountain.
The machine went against it with such impe
tuosity as completely shivered the rock in a
horizontal direction ; so that the summit of the
mountain, in the form of a semi-sphere, was
knocked into the sea, and the steep mountain
becoming thereby flattened at the top, has since
i86
TRAVELS OF
received the name of the Table Mountain, from
its similarity to that piece of furniture.
Just as this part of the mountain was knocked
off, the ghost of the Cape, that tremendous sprite
which cuts such a figure in the Lusiad, was dis
covered sitting squat in an excavation formed for
him in the centre of the mountain. He seemed
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 187
just like a young bee in his little cell before he
comes forth, or like a bean in a bean-pod ; and
when the upper part of the mountain was split
across and knocked off, the superior half of his
person was discovered. He appeared of a bottle-
blue colour, and started, dazzled with the un
expected glare of the light : hearing the dreadful
rattle of the wheels, and the loud chirping of the
crickets, he was thunder-struck, and instantly
giving a shriek, sunk down ten thousand fathoms
into the earth, while the mountain, vomiting out
some smoke, silently closed up, and left not a
trace behind !
CHAPTER XXIV
The Baron secures his chariot, &c., at the Cape and takes his
passage for England in a homeward-bound Indiaman Wrecked
upon an island of ice, near the coast of Guinea Escapes from
the wreck, and rears a variety of vegetables upon the island
Meets some vessels belonging to the negroes bringing white slaves
from Europe, in retaliation, to work upon their plantations in
a cold climate near the South Pole Arrives in England, and
lays an account of his expedition before the Privy Council
Great preparations for a new expedition The Sphinx, Gog
and Magog, and a great company attend him The ideas of
Hilaro Frosticos respecting the interior parts of Africa.
PERCEIVED with grief and con
sternation the miscarriage of all my
apparatus ; yet I was not absolutely
dejected : a great mind is never
known but in adversity. With per
mission of the Dutch governor the chariot was
properly laid up in a great storehouse, erected
at the water s edge, and the bulls received every
refreshment possible after so terrible a voyage.
Well, you may be sure they deserved it, and
therefore every attendance was engaged for them,
until I should return.
188
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 189
As it was not possible to do anything more I
took my passage in a homeward-bound Indiaman,
to return to London, and lay the matter before the
Privy Council.
We met with nothing particular until we arrived
upon the coast of Guinea, where, to our utter
astonishment, we perceived a great hill, seemingly
of glass, advancing against us in the open sea ;
the rays of the sun were reflected upon it with
such splendour, that it was extremely difficult to
gaze at the phenomenon. I immediately knew it
to be an island of ice, and though in so very warm
a latitude, determined to make all possible sail
from such horrible danger. We did so, but all
in vain, for about eleven o clock at night, blowing
a very hard gale, and exceedingly dark, we struck
upon the island. Nothing could equal the dis
traction, the shrieks, and despair of the whole
crew, until I, knowing there was not a moment
to be lost, cheered up their spirits, and bade
them not despond, but do as I should request
them. In a few minutes the vessel was half
full of water, and the enormous castle of ice
that seemed to hem us in on every side, in
some places falling in hideous fragments upon
the deck, killed one half of the crew ; upon
which, getting upon the summit of the mast, I
190 TRAVELS OF
contrived to make it fast to a great promontory
of the ice, and calling to the remainder of the
crew to follow me, we all escaped from the wreck,
and got upon the summit of the island.
The rising sun soon gave us a dreadful prospect
of our situation, and the loss, or rather iceification,
of the vessel ; for being closed in on every side
with castles of ice during the night, she was ab
solutely frozen over and buried in such a manner
that we could behold her under our feet, even in
the central solidity of the island. Having debated
what was best to be done, we immediately cut
down through the ice, and got up some of the
cables of the vessel, and the boats, which, making
fast to the island, we towed it with all our might,
determined to bring home island and all, or perish
in the attempt. On the summit of the island we
placed what oakum and dregs of every kind of
matter we could get from the vessel, which, in
the space of a very few hours, on account of the
liquefying of the ice, and the warmth of the sun,
were transformed into a very fine manure ; and
as I had some seeds of exotic vegetables in my
pocket, we shortly had a sufficiency of fruits and
roots growing upon the island to supply the whole
crew, especially the bread-fruit tree, a few plants
of which had been in the vessel ; and another
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 193
tree, which bore plum-puddings so very hot, and
with such exquisite proportion of sugar, fruit, &c.,
that we all acknowledged it was not possible to
taste anything of the kind more delicious in Eng
land : in short, though the scurvy had made such
dreadful progress among the crew before our
striking upon the ice, the supply of vegetables,
and especially the bread-fruit and pudding-fruit,
put an almost immediate stop to the distemper.
We had not proceeded thus many weeks,
advancing with incredible fatigue by continual
towing, when we fell in with a fleet of Negro-
men, as they call them. These wretches, I must
inform you, my dear friends, had found means
to make prizes of those vessels from some
Europeans upon the coast of Guinea, and tasting
the sweets of luxury, had formed colonies in
several new discovered islands near the South
Pole, where they had a variety of plantations of
such matters as would only grow in the coldest
climates. As the black inhabitants of Guinea
were unsuited to the climate and excessive cold
of the country, they formed the diabolical pro
ject of getting Christian slaves to work for
them. For this purpose they sent vessels every
year to the coast of Scotland, the northern parts
of Ireland, and Wales, and were even sometimes
N
rt>4 TRAVELS OP
seen off the coast of Cornwall. And having
purchased, or entrapped by fraud or violence,
a great number of men, women, and children,
they proceeded with their cargoes of human
flesh to the other end of the world, and sold
them to their planters, where they were flogged
into obedience, and made to work like horses
all the rest of their lives.
My blood ran cold at the idea, while every
one on the island also expressed his horror that
such an iniquitous traffic should be suffered to
exist. But, except by open violence, it was
found impossible to destroy the trade, on account
of a barbarous prejudice, entertained of late by
the negroes, that the white people have no souls !
However, we were determined to attack them, and
steering down our island upon them, soon over
whelmed them : we saved as many of the white
people as possible, but pushed all the blacks into
the water again. The poor creatures we saved
from slavery were so overjoyed, that they wept
aloud through gratitude, and we experienced every
delightful sensation to think what happiness we
should shower upon their parents, their brothers
and sisters and children, by bringing them home
safe, redeemed from slavery, to the bosom of their
native country.
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 195
Having happily arrived in England, I imme
diately laid a statement of my voyage, &c., before
the Privy Council, and entreated an immediate
assistance to travel into Africa, and, if possible,
refit my former machine, and take it along with
the rest. Everything was instantly granted to my
satisfaction, and I received orders to get myself
ready for departure as soon as possible.
As the Emperor of China had sent a most
curious animal as a present to Europe, which
was kept in the Tower, and it being of an
enormous stature, and capable of performing the
voyage with eclat, she was ordered to attend
me. She was called Sphinx, and was one of
the most tremendous though magnificent figures
I ever beheld. She was harnessed with superb
trappings to a large flat-bottomed boat, in which
was placed an edifice of wood, exactly resembling
Westminster Hall. Two balloons were placed
over it, tackled by a number of ropes to the boat,
to keep up a proper equilibrium, and prevent it
from overturning, or filling, from the prodigious
weight of the fabric.
The interior of the edifice was decorated
with seats, in the form of an amphitheatre, and
crammed as full as it could hold with ladies
and lords, as a council and retinue for your
196 TRAVELS OF
humble servant. Nearly in the centre was a
seat elegantly decorated for myself, and on either
side of me were placed the famous Gog and
Magog in all their pomp.
The Lord Viscount Gosamer being our pos
tillion, we floated gallantly down the river, the
noble Sphinx gambolling like the huge leviathan,
and towing after her the boat and balloons.
Thus we advanced, sailing gently, into the
open sea ; being calm weather, we could scarcely
feel the motion of the vehicle, and passed our
time in grand debate upon the glorious inten
tion of our voyage, and the discoveries that would
result.
"I am of opinion," said my noble friend,
Hilaro Frosticos, " that Africa was originally
inhabited for the greater part, or, I may say,
subjugated by lions which, next to man, seem
to be the most dreaded of all mortal tyrants.
The country in general at least, what we have
been hitherto able to discover, seems rather
inimical to human life ; the intolerable dryness
of the place, the burning sands that overwhelm
whole armies and cities in general ruin, and
the hideous life many roving hordes are com
pelled to lead, incline me to think, that if ever
we form any great settlements therein, it will
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 197
become the grave of our countrymen. Yet it is
nearer to us than the East Indies, and I cannot
but imagine, that in many places every production
of China, and of the East and West Indies, would
flourish, if properly attended to. And as the
country is so prodigiously extensive and unknown,
what a source of discovery must not it contain !
In fact, we know less about the interior of Africa
than we do of the moon; for in this latter we
measure the very prominences, and observe the
varieties and inequalities of the surface through
our glasses
" Forests and mountains on her spotted orb.
1 But we see nothing in the interior of Africa,
but what some compilers of maps or geographers
are fanciful enough to imagine. What a happy
event, therefore, should we not expect from a
voyage of discovery and colonisation undertaken
in so magnificent a style as the present ! what a
pride- -what an acquisition to philosophy!"
CHAPTER XXV
Count Gosamer thrown by Sphinx into the snow on the top of
Teneriffe Gog and Magog conduct Sphinx for the rest of the
voyage The Baron arrives at the Cape, and unites his former
chariot, &&gt;c., to his new retinue Passes into Africa, proceeding
from the Cape northwards Defeats a host of lions by a curious
stratagem Travels through an immense desert His whole
company, chariot, &&gt;c., overwhelmed by a whirlwind of sand
Extricates them, and arrives in a fertile country.
HE brave Count Gosamer, with a pair
of hell-fire spurs on, riding upon
Sphinx, directed the whole retinue
towards the Madeiras. But the Count
had no small share of an amiable
vanity, and perceiving great multitudes of people,
Gascons, &c., assembled upon the French coast,
he could not refrain from showing some singular
capers, such as they had never seen before : but
especially when he observed all the members of
the National Assembly extend themselves along the
shore, as a piece of French politeness, to honour
this expedition, with Eousseau, Voltaire, and
Beelzebub at their head ; he set spurs to Sphinx,
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 199
and at the same time cut and cracked away as
hard as he could, holding in the reins with all his
might, striving to make the creature plunge and
show some uncommon diversion. But sulky and
ill-tempered was Sphinx at the time : she plunged
indeed such a devil of a plunge, that she dashed
him in one jerk over her head, and he fell pre
cipitately into the water before her. It was in
the Bay of Biscay, all the world knows a very
boisterous sea, and Sphinx, fearing he would be
drowned, never turned to the left or the right out
of her way, but advancing furious, just stooped
her head a little, and supped the poor count off
the water, into her mouth, together with the
quantity of two or three tuns of water, which she
must have taken in along with him, but which
were, to such an enormous creature as Sphinx,
nothing more than a spoonful would be to any of
you or me. She swallowed him, but when she
had got him in her stomach, his long spurs so
scratched and tickled her, that they produced
the effect of an emetic. No sooner was he in,
but out he was squirted with the most horrible
impetuosity, like a ball or a shell from the calibre
of a mortar. Sphinx was at this time quite sea
sick, and the unfortunate count was driven forth
like a sky-rocket, and landed upon the peak of
200 TRAVELS OF
Teneriffe, plunged over head and ears in the
snow requiescat in pace !
I perceived all this mischief from my seat in
the ark, but was in such a convulsion of laughter
that I could not utter an intelligible word. And
now Sphinx, deprived of her postillion, went on
in a zigzag direction, and gambolled away after a
most dreadful manner. And thus had everything
gone to wreck, had I not given instant orders to
Gog and Magog to sally forth. They plunged
into the water, and swimming on each side, got
at length right before the animal, and then seized
the reins. Thus they continued swimming on
each side, like tritons, holding the muzzle of
Sphinx, while I, sallying forth astride upon the
creature s back, steered forward on our voyage to
the Cape of Good Hope.
Arriving at the Cape, I immediately gave orders
to repair my former chariot and machines, which
were very expeditiously performed by the excel
lent artists I had brought with me from Europe.
And now everything being refitted, we launched
forth upon the water : perhaps there never was any
thing seen more glorious or more august. Twas
magnificent to behold Sphinx make her obeisance
on the water, and the crickets chirp upon the
bulls in return of the salute ; while Gog and
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 201
Magog, advancing, took the reins of the great
John Mowmowsky, and leading towards us chariot
and all, instantly disposed of them to the forepart
of the ark by hooks and eyes, and tackled Sphinx
before all the bulls. Thus the whole had a most
tremendous and triumphal appearance. In front
floated forwards the mighty Sphinx, with Gog and
Magog on each side ; next followed in order the
bulls with crickets upon their heads ; and then
advanced the chariot of Queen Mab, containing
the curious seat and orrery of heaven ; after which
appeared the boat and ark of council, overtopped
with two balloons, which gave an air of greater
lightness and elegance to the whole. I placed
in the galleries under the balloons, and on the
backs of the bulls, a number of excellent vocal
performers, with martial music of clarionets and
trumpets. They sung the " Watery Dangers," and
the " Pomp of Deep Cerulean ! The sun shone
glorious on the water while the procession ad
vanced toward the land, under five hundred arches
of ice, illuminated with coloured lights, and
adorned in the most grotesque and fanciful style
with sea-weed, elegant festoons, and shells of
every kind ; while a thousand water-spouts danced
eternally before and after us, attracting the water
from the sea in a kind of cone, and suddenly
202 TRAVELS OF
uniting with the most fantastical thunder and
lightning.
Having landed our whole retinue, we imme
diately began to proceed toward the heart of
Africa, but first thought it expedient to place a
number of wheels under the ark for its greater
facility of advancing. We journeyed nearly due
north for several days, and met with nothing
remarkable except the astonishment of the savage
natives to behold our equipage.
The Dutch Government at the Cape, to do them
justice, gave us every possible assistance for the
expedition. I presume they had received instruc
tion on that head from their High Mightinesses
in Holland. However, they presented us with a
specimen of some of the most excellent of their
Cape wine, and showed iis every politeness in
their power. As to the face of the country, as
we advanced, it appeared in many places capable
of every cultivation, and of abundant fertility.
The natives and Hottentots of this part of Africa
have been frequently described by travellers, and
therefore it is not necessary to say any more
about them. But in the more interior parts of
Africa the appearance, manners, and genius of
the people are totally different.
We directed our course by the compass and the
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 205
stars, getting every day prodigious quantities of
game in the woods, and at night encamping
within a proper enclosure for fear of the wild
beasts. One whole day in particular we heard on
every side, among the hills, the horrible roaring
of lions, resounding from rock to rock like broken
thunder. It seemed as if there was a general
rendezvous of all these savage animals to fall upon
our party. That whole day we advanced with
caution, our hunters scarcely venturing beyond
pistol shot from the caravan for fear of dissolution.
At night we encamped as usual, and threw up a
circular entrenchment round our tents. We had
scarce retired to repose when we found ourselves
serenaded by at least one thousand lions, approach
ing equally on every side, and within a hundred
paces. Our cattle showed the most horrible
symptoms of fear, all trembling, and in cold per
spiration. I directly ordered the whole company
to stand to their arms, and not to make any noise
by firing till I should command them. I then
took a large quantity of tar, which I had brought
with our caravan for that purpose, and strewed it
in a continued stream round the encampment,
within which circle of tar I immediately placed
another train or circle of gunpowder, and having
taken this precaution, I anxiously waited the lions
206 TRAVELS OP
approach. These dreadful animals, knowing, I
presume, the force of our troop, advanced very
slowly, and with caution, approaching on every
side of us with an equal pace, and growling in
hideous concert, so as to resemble an earthquake,
or some similar convulsion of the world. When
they had at length advanced and steeped all their
paws in the tar, they put their noses to it, smelling
it as if it were blood, and daubed their great
bushy hair and whiskers with it equal to their
paws. At that very instant, when, in concert,
they were to give the mortal dart upon us, I dis
charged a pistol at the train of gunpowder, which
instantly exploded on every side, made all the
lions recoil in general uproar, and take to flight
with the utmost precipitation. In an instant we
could behold them scattered through the woods
at some distance, roaring in agony, and moving
about like so many Will-o -the-Wisps, their paws
and faces all on fire from the tar and the gun
powder. I then ordered a general pursuit : we
followed them on every side through the woods,
their own light serving as our guide, until, before
the rising of the sun, we followed into their fast
nesses and shot or otherwise destroyed every one
of them, and during the whole of our journey after
we never heard the roaring of a lion, nor did any
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 207
wild beast presume to make another attack upon
our party, which shows the excellence of imme
diate presence of mind, and the terror inspired
into the most savage enemies by a proper and
well-timed proceeding.
We at length arrived on the confines of an
immeasurable desert an immense plain, extend
ing on every side of us like an ocean. Not
a tree, nor a shrub, nor a blade of grass was
to be seen, but all appeared an extreme fine
sand, mixed with gold-dust and little sparkling
pearls.
The gold-dust and pearls appeared to us of
little value, because we could have no expecta
tion of returning to England for a considerable
time. We observed, at a great distance, some
thing like a smoke arising just over the verge of
the horizon, and looking with our telescopes we
perceived it to be a whirlwind tearing up the sand
and tossing it about in the heavens with frightful
impetuosity. I immediately ordered my company
to erect a mound around us of a great size, which
we did with astonishing labour and perseverance,
and then roofed it over with certain planks and
timber, which we had with us for the purpose.
Our labour was scarcely finished when the sand
came rolling in like the waves of the sea; twas
208
TRAVELS OF
a storm and river of sand united. It continued
to advance in the same direction, without inter
mission, for three days, and completely covered
over the mound we had erected, and buried us
all within. The intense heat of the place was
intolerable ; but guessing, by the cessation of the
noise, that the storm was passed, we set about
digging a passage to the light of day again,
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 209
which we effected in a very short time, and as
cending, perceived that the whole had been
so completely covered with the sand, that there
appeared no hills, but one continued plain, with
inequalities or ridges on it like the waves of the
sea. We soon extricated our vehicle and retinue
from the burning sands, but not without great
danger, as the heat was very violent, and began
to proceed on our voyage. Storms of sand of a
similar nature several times attacked us, but by
using the same precautions we preserved our
selves repeatedly from destruction. Having tra
velled more than nine thousand miles over this
inhospitable plain, exposed to the perpendicular
rays of a burning sun, without ever meeting a
rivulet, or a shower from heaven to refresh us,
we at length became almost desperate, when, to
our inexpressible joy, we beheld some mountains
at a great distance, and on our nearer approach
observed them covered with a carpet of verdure
and groves and woods. Nothing could appear
more romantic or beautiful than the rocks and
precipices intermingled with flowers and shrubs
of every kind, and palm-trees of such a prodi
gious size as to surpass anything ever seen in
Europe. Fruits of all kinds appeared growing
wild in the utmost abundance, and antelopes
2io BARON MUNCHAUSEN
and sheep and buffaloes wandered about the
groves and valleys in profusion. The trees re
sounded with the melody of birds, and every
thing displayed a general scene of rural happiness
and joy.
CHAPTER XXVI
A feast on live dulls and kava The inhabitants admire the
European adventurers The Emperor comes to meet the Baron,
and pays him great compliments The inhabitants of the centre
of Africa descended from the people of the moon proved by an in
scription in Africa, and by the analogy of their language, which
is also the same with that of the ancient Scythians The Baron
is declared sovereign of the interior of Africa on the decease of
the Emperor He endeavours to abolish the custom of eating
live bulls, which excites much discontent The advice of Hilaro
Frosticos upon the occasion The Baron makes a speech to an
Assembly of the states, which only excites greater murmurs
He consults with Hilaro Frosticos.
AVING passed over the nearest moun
tains we entered a delightful vale,
where we perceived a multitude of
persons at a feast of living bulls,
whose flesh they cut away with great
knives, making a table of the creature s carcase,
serenaded by the bellowing of the unfortunate
animal. Nothing seemed requisite to add to the
barbarity of this feast but kava, made as de
scribed in Cook s voyages, and at the conclusion
of the feast we perceived them brewing this,
2IT ^
2i2 TRAVELS OF
liquor, which they drank with the utmost avi
dity. From that moment, inspired with an idea
of universal benevolence, I determined to abolish
the custom of eating live flesh and drinking of
kava. But I knew that such a thing could not
be immediately effected, whatever in future time
might be performed.
Having rested ourselves during a few days, we
determined to set out towards the principal city
of the empire. The singularity of our appearance
was spoken of all over the country as a pheno
menon. The multitude looked upon Sphinx, the
bulls, the crickets, the balloons, and the whole
company, as something more than terrestrial, but
especially the thunder of our fire-arms, which
struck horror and amazement into the whole
nation.
We at length arrived at the metropolis, situated
on the banks of a noble river, and the emperor,
attended by all his court, came out in grand
procession to meet us. The emperor appeared
mounted on a dromedary, royally caparisoned,
with all his attendants on foot through respect
for his Majesty. He was rather above the middle
stature of that country, four feet three inches in
height, with a countenance, like all his country
men, as white as snow ! He was preceded by a
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 213
band of most exquisite music, according to the
fashion of the country, and his whole retinue
halted within about fifty paces of our troop. We
returned the salute by a discharge of musketry,
and a flourish of our trumpets and martial music.
I commanded our caravan to halt, and dismount
ing, advanced uncovered, with only two atten
dants, towards his Majesty. The emperor was
equally polite, and descending from his drome
dary, advanced to meet me. " I am happy," said
he, " to have the honour to receive so illustrious
a traveller, and assure you that everything in
my empire shall be at your disposal.".
I thanked his Majesty for his politeness, and
expressed how happy I was to meet so polished
and refined a people in the centre of Africa, and
that I hoped to show myself and company grate
ful for his esteem, by introducing the arts and
sciences of Europe among the people.
I immediately perceived the true descent of
this people, which does not appear of terrestrial
origin, but descended from some of the inhabi
tants of the moon, because the principal language
spoken there, and in the centre of Africa, is very
nearly the same. Their alphabet and method of
writing are pretty much the same, and show the
extreme antiquity of this people, and their exalted
2i4 TRAVELS OF
origin. I here give you a specimen of their writ-
ing [Vide Otrckocsus de Orig. Hung. p. 46]:
Sregnah, dna skoohtop.
These characters I have submitted to the inspec
tion of a celebrated antiquarian, and it will be
proved to the satisfaction of every one, in his next
volume, what an immediate intercourse there must
have been between the inhabitants of the moon
and the ancient Scythians, which Scythians did
not by any means inhabit a part of Eussia, but
the central part of Africa, as I can abundantly
prove to my very learned and laborious friend.
The above words, written in our characters, are
Sregnah dna skoohtop ; that is, The Scythians are
of heavenly origin. The word Sregnah, which
signifies Scythians, is compounded of sreg or sre,
whence our present English word sire, or sir : and
nah y or gnah, knowledge, because the Scythians
united the essentials of nobility and learning
together : dna signifies heaven, or belonging to
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 215
the moon, from duna, who was anciently wor
shipped as goddess of that luminary. And slcooh-
top signifies the origin or beginning of anything,
from skoo, the name used in the moon for a point
in geometry, and top or litop, vegetation. These
words are inscribed at this day upon a pyramid in
the centre of Africa, nearly at the source of the
river Niger; and if any one refuses his assent,
he may go there to be convinced.
The emperor conducted me to his court amidst
the admiration of his courtiers, and paid us every
possible politeness that African magnificence could
bestow. He never presumed to proceed on any
expedition without consulting us, and looking
upon us as a species of superior beings, paid
the greatest respect to our opinions. He fre
quently asked me about the states of Europe,
and the kingdom of Great Britain, and appeared
lost in admiration at the account I gave him of
our shipping, and the immensity of the ocean.
We taught him to regulate the government
nearly on the same plan with the British con
stitution, and to institute a parliament and de
grees of nobility. His majesty was the last
of his royal line, and on his decease, with the
unanimous consent of the people, made me heir
to the whole empire. The nobility and chiefs
2i6 TRAVELS OF
of the country immediately waited upon me with
petitions, entreating me to accept the government.
I consulted with my noble friends, Gog and
Magog, &c., and after much consultation it was
agreed that I should accept the government, not
as actual and independent monarch of the place,
but as viceroy to his Majesty of England.
I now thought it high time to do away the
custom of eating of live flesh and drinking of
kava, and for that purpose used every persuasive
method to wean the majority of the people from
it. This, to my astonishment, was not taken in
good part by the nation, and they looked with
jealousy at those strangers who wanted to make
innovations among them.
Nevertheless, I felt much concern to think
that my fellow-creatures could be capable of
such barbarity. I did everything that a heart
fraught with universal benevolence and good will
to all mankind could be capable of desiring.
I first tried every method of persuasion and
incitement. I did not harshly reprove them,
but I invited frequently whole thousands to dine,
after the fashion of Europe, upon roasted meat.
Alas, twas all in vain ! my goodness nearly
excited a sedition. They murmured among them
selves, spoke of my intentions, my wild and
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 217
ambitious views, as if I, O heaven ! could have
had any personal interested motive in making
them live like men, rather than like crocodiles
and tigers. In fine, perceiving that gentleness
could be of no avail, well knowing that when
complaisance can effect nothing from some spirits,
compulsion excites respect and veneration, I pro
hibited, under the pain of the severest penalties,
the drinking of kava, or eating of live flesh, for
the space of nine days, within the districts of
Angalinar and Paphagalna.
But this created such an universal abhorrence
and detestation of my government, that my
ministers, and even myself, were universally
pasquinadoed ; lampoons, satires, ridicule, and
insult, were showered upon the name of Mun-
chausen wherever it was mentioned ; and in fine,
there never was a government so much detested,
or with such little reason.
In this dilemma I had recourse to the advice
of my noble friend Hilaro Frosticos. In his good
sense I now expected some resource, for the rest
of the council, who had advised me to the former
method, had given but a poor specimen of their
abilities and discernment, or I should have suc
ceeded more happily. In short, he addressed
himself to me and to the council as follows :
218 TRAVELS OF
"It is in vain, most noble Munchausen, that
your Excellency endeavours to compel or force
these people to a life to which they have never
been accustomed. In vain do you tell them
that apple-pies, pudding, roast beef, minced pies,
or tarts, are delicious, that sugar is sweet, that
wine is exquisite. Alas ! they cannot, they will
not comprehend what deliciousness is, what sweet
ness, or what the flavour of the grape. And even
if they were convinced of the superior excellence
of your way of life, never, never would they be
persuaded ; and that if for no other reason, but
because force or persuasion is employed to induce
them to it. Abandon that idea for the present,
and let us try another method. My opinion,
therefore, is, that we should at once cease all
endeavours to compel or persuade them. But
let us, if possible, procure a quantity of fudge
from England, and carelessly scatter it over all
the country; and from this disposal of matters
I presume nay, I have a moral certainty, that
we shall reclaim this people from horror and
barbarity."
Had this been proposed at any other time, it
would have been violently opposed in the council ;
but now, when every other attempt had failed,
when there seemed no other resource, the majority
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 219
willingly submitted to they knew not what, for
they absolutely had no idea of the manner, the
possibilities of success, or how they could bring
matters to bear. However, twas a scheme, and
as such they submitted. For my part, I listened
with ecstasy to the words of Hilaro Frosticos, for
I knew that he had a most singular knowledge of
human kind, and could humour and persuade them
on to their own happiness and universal good.
Therefore, according to the advice of Hilaro, I
despatched a balloon with four men over the
desert to the Cape of Good Hope, with letters
to be forwarded to England, requiring, without
delay, a few cargoes of fudge.
The people had all this time remained in a
general state of ferment and murmur. Everything
that rancour, low wit, and deplorable ignorance
could conceive to asperse my government, was
put in execution. The most worthy, even the
most beneficent actions, everything that was ami
able, were perverted into opposition.
The heart of Munchausen was not made of such
impenetrable stuff as to be insensible to the hatred
of even the most worthless wretch in the whole
kingdom ; and once, at a general assembly of the
states, filled with an idea of such continued
ingratitude, I spoke as pathetic as possible, not,
220 TRAVELS OF
methought, beneath my dignity, to make them feel
for me : that the universal good and happiness of
the people were all I wished or desired ; that if
my actions had been mistaken, or improper sur
mises formed, still I had no wish, no desire, but
the public welfare, &c. &c. &c.
Hilaro Frosticos was all this time much dis
turbed ; he looked sternly at me he frowned, but
I was so engrossed with the warmth of my heart,
my intentions, that I understood him not : in a
minute I saw nothing but as if through a cloud
(such is the force of amiable sensibility) lords,
ladies, chiefs the whole assembly seemed to swim
before my sight. The more I thought on my good
intentions, the lampoons which so much affected
my delicacy, good nature, tenderness I forgot
myself I spoke rapid, violent beneficence fire
tenderness alas ! I melted into tears !
" Pish ! pish ! " said Hilaro Frosticos.
Now, indeed, was my government lampooned,
satirised, carribonadoed, bepickled, and bedevilled.
One day, with my arm full of lampoons, I started
up as Hilaro entered the room, the tears in my
eyes : " Look, look here, Hilaro ! how can I bear
all this ? It is impossible to please them ; I will
leave the government I cannot bear it ! See
what pitiful anecdotes what surmises : I will
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 221
make my people feel for me I will leave the
government !
" Pshaw!" says Hilaro. At that simple mono
syllable I found myself changed as if by magic !
for I ever looked on Hilaro as a person so experi
enced such fortitude, such good sense. " There
are three sails, under the convoy of a frigate,"
added Hilaro, "just arrived at the Cape, after
a fortunate passage, laden with the fudge that
we demanded. No time is to be lost ; let it be
immediately conducted hither, and distributed
through the principal granaries of the empire."
CHAPTER XXVII
A proclamation by the Baron Excessive curiosity of the people
to know what fudge was The people in a general ferment about
it They break open all the granaries in the empire The affec
tions of the people conciliated An ode performed in honour of
the Baron His discourse with Fragrantia on the excellence of
the music.
OME time after I ordered the follow
ing proclamation to be published in
the Court Gazette, and in all the
other papers of the empire :
BY THE MOST MIGHTY AND PUISSANT LORD,
HIS EXCELLENCY THE
LOKD BARON MUNCHAUSEN.
WHEREAS a quantity of fudge has been dis
tributed through all the granaries of the em
pire for particular uses ; and as the natives have
ever expressed their aversion to all manner of
European eatables, it is hereby strictly forbidden,
under pain of the severest penalties, for any of
the officers charged with the keeping of the said
2.22
BARON M UNCHA US EN 2 2 3
fudge to give, sell, or suffer to be sold, any part
or quantity whatever of the said material, until
it be agreeable unto our good will and pleasure.
MUNCHAUSEN.
Dated in our Castle of Gristariska
this Triskill of the month of
Griskish, in the year Moulikasra-
navas-kashna-vildash.
This proclamation excited the most ardent
curiosity all over the empire. " Do you know
what this fudge is ? said Lady Mooshilgarousti
to Lord Darnarlaganl. "Fudge! said he,
"Fudge! no: what fudge? "I mean," replied
her Ladyship, "the enormous quantity of fudge
that has been distributed under guards in all
the strong places in the empire, and which is
strictly forbidden to be sold or given to any
of the natives under the severest penalties."
" Lord ! replied he, " what in the name of
wonder can it be ? Forbidden ! why it must,
but pray do you, Lady Fashashash, do you know
what this fudge is ? Do you, Lord Trastillauex ?
or you, Miss Gristilarkask ? What ! nobody know
what this fudge can be ?
It engrossed for several days the chit-chat of
the whole empire. Fudge, fudge, fudge, re
sounded in all companies and in all places,
224 TRAVELS OF
from the rising until the setting of the sun ; and
even at night, when gentle sleep refreshed the
rest of mortals, the ladies of all that country were
dreaming of fudge !
"Upon my honour," said Kitty, as she was
adjusting her modesty piece before the glass,
just after getting out of bed, "there is scarce
anything I would not give to know what this
fudge can be." " La ! my dear," replied Miss
Killnariska, " I have been dreaming the whole
night of nothing but fudge ; I thought my lover
kissed my hand, and pressed it to his bosom,
while I, frowning, endeavoured to wrest it from
him : that he kneeled at my feet. No, never,
never will I look at you, cried I, till you tell
me what this fudge can be, or get me some of
it. Begone ! cried I, with all the dignity of
offended beauty, majesty, and a tragic queen.
Begone ! never see me more, or bring me this
delicious fudge. He swore, on the honour of a
knight, that he would wander o er the world,
encounter every danger, perish in the attempt,
or satisfy the angel of his soul."
The chiefs and nobility of the nation, when
they met together to drink their kava, spoke
of nothing but fudge. Men, women, and chil
dren all, all talked of nothing but fudge. Twas
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 225
a fury of curiosity, one general ferment, an uni
versal fever nothing but fudge could allay it.
But in one respect they all agreed, that
government must have had some interested
view, in giving such positive orders to preserve
it, and keep it from the natives of the country.
Petitions were addressed to me from all quar
ters, from every corporation and body of men in
the whole empire. The majority of the people
instructed their constituents, and the parliament
presented a petition, praying that I would be
pleased to take the state of the nation under
consideration, arid give orders to satisfy the
people, or the most dreadful consequences were
to be apprehended. To these requests, at the
entreaty of my council, I made no reply, or at
best but unsatisfactory answers. Curiosity was
on the rack ; they forgot to lampoon the govern
ment, so engaged were they about the fudge.
The great assembly of the states could think of
nothing else. Instead of enacting laws for the
regulation of the people, instead of consulting
what should seem most wise, most excellent,
they could think, talk, and harangue of nothing
but fudge. In vain did the Speaker call to
order ; the more checks they got the more extra
vagant and inquisitive they were.
P
526 TRAVELS OF
In short, the populace in many places rose in
the most outrageous and tumultuous manner,
forced open the granaries in all places in one
day, and triumphantly distributed the fudge
through the whole empire.
Whether on account of the longing, the great
curiosity, imagination, or the disposition of the
people, I cannot say- -but they found it infinitely
to their taste ; twas intoxication of joy, satis
faction, and applause.
Finding how much they liked this fudge, I
procured another quantity from England, much
greater than the former, and cautiously bestowed
it over all the kingdom. Thus were the affec
tions of the people regained ; and they, from
hence, began to venerate, applaud, and admire
my government more than ever. The following
ode was performed at the castle, in the most
superb style, and universally admired :
ODE.
Ye bulls and crickets, and Gog, Magog,
And trump ts high chiming anthrophog,
Come sing blithe choral all in og,
Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog !
Great and superb appears thy cap sublime,
Admired and worshipp d as the rising sun ;
Solemn, majestic, wise, like hoary Time,
And fam d alike for virtue, sense, and fun.
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 229
Then swell the noble strain with song,
And elegance divine,
While goddesses around shall throng,
And all the muses nine.
And bulls, and crickets, and Gog, Magog,
And trumpets chiming anthrophog,
Shall sing blithe choral all in og,
Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog !
This piece of poetry was much applauded,
admired, and encored in every public assembly,
celebrated as an astonishing effort of genius ;
and the music, composed by Minheer Gastrash-
bark Gkrghhbarwskhk, was thought equal to the
sense ! Never was there anything so universally
admired, the summit of the most exquisite wit,
the keenest praise, the most excellent music.
ginErgE^lg
Upon my honour, and the faith I owe my
love," said I, "music may be talked of in Eng
land, but to possess the very soul of harmony
the world should come to the performance of
TRAVELS OF
In short, the populace in many places rose in
the most outrageous and tumultuous manner,
forced open the granaries in all places in one
day, and triumphantly distributed the fudge
through the whole empire.
Whether on account of the longing, the great
curiosity, imagination, or the disposition of the
people, I cannot say but they found it infinitely
to their taste ; twas intoxication of joy, satis
faction, and applause.
Finding how much they liked this fudge, I
procured another quantity from England, much
greater than the former, and cautiously bestowed
it over all the kingdom. Thus were the affec
tions of the people regained ; and they, from
hence, began to venerate, applaud, and admire
my government more than ever. The following
ode was performed at the castle, in the most
superb style, and universally admired :
ODE.
Ye bulls and crickets, and Gog, Magog,
And trump ts high chiming anthrophog,
Come sing blithe choral all in og,
Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog !
Great and superb appears thy cap sublime,
Admired and worshipp d as the rising sun
Solemn, majestic, wise, like hoary Time,
And fam d alike for virtue, sense, and fun.
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 229
Then swell the noble strain with song,
And elegance divine,
While goddesses around shall throng,
And all the muses nine.
And bulls, and crickets, and Gog, Magog,
And trumpets chiming anthrophog,
Shall sing blithe choral all in og,
Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog !
This piece of poetry was much applauded,
admired, and encored in every public assembly,
celebrated as an astonishing effort of genius ;
and the music, composed by Minheer Gastrash-
bark Gkrghhbarwskhk, was thought equal to the
sense ! Never was there anything so universally
admired, the summit of the most exquisite wit,
the keenest praise, the most excellent music.
"Upon my honour, and the faith I owe my
love," said I, "music may be talked of in Eng
land, but to possess the very soul of harmony
the world should come to the performance of
230 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
this ode." Lady Fragrantia was at that moment
drumming with her fingers on the edge of her
fan, lost in a reverie, thinking she was playing
upon Was it a forte piano?
u No, my dear Fragrantia," said I, tenderly
taking her in my arms while she melted into
tears ; " never, never, will I play upon any
other !"
Oh ! twas divine, to see her like a summer s
morning, all blushing and full of dew !
CHAPTER XXVIII
The Baron sets all the people of the empire to work to build
a bridge from their country to Great Britain His contrivance
to render the arch secure Orders an inscription to be engraved
on the bridge Returns with all his company, chariot, etc., to
England Surveys the kingdoms and nations under him from
the middle of the bridge.
ND now, most noble Baron," said
the illustrious Hilaro Frosticos,
"now is the time to make this
people proceed in any business
that we find convenient. Take
them at this present ferment of the mind, let
them not think, but at once set them to work."
In short, the whole nation went heartily to the
business, to build an edifice such as was never
seen in any other country. I took care to supply
them with their favourite kava and fudge, and
they worked like horses. The tower of Babylon,
which, according to Hermogastricus, was seven
miles high, or the Chinese wall, was a mere
trifle, in comparison to this stupendous edifice,
231
232 TRAVELS OF
which was completed in a very short space of
time.
It was of an immense height, far beyond any
thing that ever had been before erected, and of
such gentle ascent, that a regiment of cavalry
with a train of cannon could ascend with perfect
ease and facility. It seemed like a rainbow in
the heavens, the base of which appeared to rise
in the centre of Africa, and the other extremity
seemed to stoop into great Britain. A most
noble bridge indeed, and a piece of masonry
that has outdone Sir Christopher Wren. Won
derful must it have been to form so tremendous
an arch, especially as the artists had certain
difficulties to labour against which they could
not have in the formation of any other arch
in the world- -I mean, the attraction of the
moon and planets : Because the arch was of so
great a height, and in some parts so elongated
from the earth, as in a great measure to diminish
in its gravitation to the centre of our globe ; or
rather, seemed more easily operated upon by the
attraction of the planets : So that the stones of
the arch, one would think, at certain times,
were ready to fall up to the moon, and at other
times to fall down to the earth. But as the
former was more to be dreaded, I secured
BARON MUNCH AU SEN 235
stability to the fabric by a very curious contriv
ance : I ordered the architects to get the heads
of some hundred numbskulls and blockheads,
and fix them to the interior surface of the
arch, at certain intervals, all the whole length,
by which means the arch was held together
firm, and its inclination to the earth eternally
established ; because of all the things in the
world, the skulls of these kind of animals have
a strange facility of tending to the centre of the
earth.
The building being completed, I caused an
inscription to be engraved in the most magni
ficent style upon the summit of the arch, in
letters so great and luminous, that all vessels
sailing to the East or West Indies might read
them distinct in the heavens, like the motto of
Constantine.
KARDOL BAGARLAN KAI TON FARINGO SARGAI RA
MO PASHROL VATINEAC CAL COLN1TOS RO NA FILNAT
AGASTRA SA DINGANNAL FANO.
That is to say, " As long as this arch and
bond of union shall exist, so long shall the
people be happy. Nor can all the power of
the world affect them, unless the moon, ad-
236 TRAVELS OF
vancing from her usual sphere, should so much
attract the skulls as to cause a sudden elevation,
on which the whole will fall into the most
horrible confusion."
An easy intercourse being thus established
between Great Britain and the centre of Africa,
numbers travelled continually to and from both
countries, and at my request mail coaches were
ordered to run on the bridge between both
empires. After some time, having settled the
government to my satisfaction, I requested per
mission to resign, as a great cabal had been
excited against me in England ; I therefore re
ceived my letters of recall, and prepared to return
to Old England.
In fine, I set out upon my journey, covered
with applause and general admiration. I pro
ceeded with the same retinue that I had before
-Sphinx, Gog and Magog, &c., and advanced
along the bridge, lined on each side with rows
of trees, adorned with festoons of various flowers,
and illuminated with coloured lights. We ad
vanced at a great rate along the bridge, which
was so very extensive that we could scarcely
perceive the ascent, but proceeded insensibly
until we arrived on the centre of the arch. The
view from thence was glorious beyond concep-
BARON
237
tion ; twas divine to look down on the king
doms and seas and islands under us. Africa
seemed in general of a tawny brownish colour,
burned up by the sun : Spain seemed more
inclining to a yellow, on account of some fields
of corn scattered over
the kingdom ; France
appeared more inclin
ing to a bright straw-
colour, intermixed with
green ; and England
appeared covered with
the most beautiful
verdure. I admired
the appearance of
the Baltic Sea, which
evidently seemed to
have been introduced
between those coun
tries by the sudden
splitting of the land,
and that originally Sweden was united to the
western coast of Denmark ; in short, the whole
interstice of the Gulf of Finland had no being,
until these countries, by mutual consent, separ
ated from one another. Such were my philoso
phical meditations as I advanced, when I observed
238 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
a man in armour with a tremendous spear or
lance, and mounted upon a steed, advancing
against me. I soon discovered by a telescope
that it could be no other than Don Quixote,
and promised myself much amusement in the
rencounter.
CHAPTER XXIX
The Baroris retinue is opposed in a heroic style by Don Quixote ,
who in his turn is attacked by Gog and Magog Lord Whit-
tington, with the Lord Mayor s show, comes to the assistance
of Don Quixote Gog and Magog assail his Lordship Lord
Whittington makes a speech, and deludes Gog and Magog to his
party A general scene of uproar and battle among the company,
until the Baron, with great presence of mind, appeases the
tumult,
HAT art thou? exclaimed Don
Quixote on his potent steed. " Who
art thou ? Speak ! or, by the
eternal vengeance of mine arm, thy
whole machinery shall perish at
sound of this my trumpet !
Astonished at so rude a salutation, the great
Sphinx stopped short, and bridling up herself,
drew in her head, like a snail when it touches
something that it does not like : the bulls set
up a horrid bellowing, the crickets sounded an
alarm, and Gog and Magog advanced before the
rest. One of these powerful brothers had in his
hand a great pole, to the extremity of which was
233
TRAVELS OP
fastened a cord of about two feet in length, and
to the end of the cord was fastened a ball of
iron, with spikes shooting from it like the rays
of a star; with this weapon he prepared to en
counter, and advancing thus he spoke :-
" Audacious wight ! that thus, in complete steel
arrayed, doth dare to venture cross my way, to
stop the great Munchausen. Know then, proud
knight, that thou shalt instant perish neath my
potent arm."
When Quixote, Mancha s knight, responded
firm :-
" Gigantic monster ! leader of witches, crickets,
and chimeras dire ! know thou, that here before
yon azure heaven the cause of truth, of valour, and
of faith right pure shall ordeal counter try it !
Thus he spoke, and brandishing his mighty
spear, would instant prodigies sublime perform,
had not some wight placed neath the tail of dark
Rosinante furze all thorny base ; at which, quad-
rupedanting, plunged the steed, and instant on
the earth the knight roared credo for his life.
At that same moment ten thousand frogs
started from the morions of Gog and Magog, and
furiously assailed the knight on every side. In
vain he roared, and invoked fair Dulcinea del
Toboso : for frogs wild croaking seemed more
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 241
loud, more sonorous than all his invocations.
And thus in battle vile the knight was overcome,
and spawn all swarmed upon his glittering helmet.
" Detested miscreants ! roared the knight ;
" avaunt ! Enchanters dire and goblins could
alone this arduous task perform ; to rout the
knight of Mancha, foul defeat, and war, even
such as ne er was known before. Then hear, O
del Toboso ! hear my vows, that thus in anguish
of my soul I urge, midst frogs, Gridalbin, He-
caton, Kai, Talon, and the Rove ! [for such the
names and definitions of their qualities, their
separate powers.] For Merlin plumed their airy
flight, and then in watery moonbeam dyed his
rod eccentric. At the touch ten thousand frogs,
strange metamorphosed, croaked even thus : And
here they come, on high behest, to vilify the
knight that erst defended famed virginity, and
matrons all bewronged, and pilgrims hoar, and
courteous guise of all ! But the age of chivalry
is gone, and the glory of Europe is extinguished
for ever ?
He spake, and sudden good Lord Whittington,
at head of all his raree-show, came forth, armour
antique of chivalry, and helmets old, and troops,
all streamers, flags and banners glittering gay,
red, gold, and purple ; and in every hand a square
242 TRAVELS OF
of gingerbread, all gilded nice, was brandished
awful. At a word, ten thousand thousand Naples
biscuits, crackers, buns, and flannel-cakes, and
hats of gingerbread encountered in mid air in
glorious exaltation, like some huge storm of mill
stones, or when it rains whole clouds of dogs
and cats.
The frogs, astonished, thunderstruck, forgot their
notes and music, that before had seemed so ter
rible, and drowned the cries of knight renown, and
mute in wonder heard the words of Whittington,
pronouncing solemn :- -" Goblins, chimeras dire,
or frogs, or whatsoe er enchantment thus presents
in antique shape, attend and hear the words of
peace ; and thou, good herald, read aloud the
Riot Act ! "
He ceased, and dismal was the tone that softly
breathed from all the frogs in chorus, who quick
had petrified with fright, unless redoubted Gog
and Magog, both with poles, high topped with
airy bladders by a string dependent, had not
stormed against his lordship. Ever and anon
the bladders, loud resounding on his chaps, pro
claimed their fury against all potent law, coercive
mayoralty ; when he, submissive, thus in cunning
guile addressed the knights assailant :- -" Gog,
Magog, renowned and famous ! what, my sons,
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 243
shall you assail your father, friend, and chief
confessed? Shall you, thus armed with bladders
vile, attack my title, eminence, and pomp sublime]
Subside, vile discord, and again return to your true
legiance. Think, my friends, how oft your gor
geous pouch I ve crammed, all calapash, green fat,
and calapee. Remember how you ve feasted, stood
inert for ages, until size immense you ve gained.
And think, how different is the service of Mun-
chausen, where you o er seas, cold, briny, float along
the tide, eternal toiling like to slaves of Algiers
and Tripoli. And ev n on high, balloon like,
through the heavens have journeyed late, upon a
rainbow or some awful bridge stretched eminent,
as if on earth he had not work sufficient to dis
tress your potent servitudes, but he should also
seek in heaven dire cause of labour ! Recollect,
my friends, even why or wherefore should you
thus assail your lawful magistrate, or why desert
his livery? or for what or wherefore serve this
German Lord Munchausen, who for all your labour
shall alone bestow some fudge and heroic blows
in war? Then cease, and thus in amity return to
friendship aldermanic, bungy, brown, and sober."
Ceased he then, right worshipful, when both the
warring champions instant stemmed their battle,
and in sign of peace and unity returning, neath
244 TRAVELS OF
their feet reclined their weapons. Sudden at a
signal either stamped his foot sinistrine, and the
loud report of bursten bladder stunned each ear
surrounding, like the roar of thunder from on high
convulsing heaven and earth.
Twas now upon the saddle once again the
knight of Mancha rose, and in his hand far balanc
ing his lance, full tilt against the troops of bulls
opposing ran. And thou, shrill Crillitrilkril, than
whom no cricket e er on hob of rural cottage, or
chimney black, more gladsome turned his merry
note, e en thou didst perish, shrieking gave the
ghost in empty air, the sport of every wind ; for
e en that heart so jocund and so gay was pierced,
harsh spitted by the lance of Mancha, while un
daunted thou didst sit between the horns that
crowned Mowmowsky. And now Whittington
advanced, midst armour antique and the powers
Magog and Gog, and with his rod enchanting
touched the head of every frog, long mute and
thunderstruck, at which, in universal chorus and
salute, they sung blithe jocund, and amain
advanced rebellious gainst my troop.
While Sphinx, though great, gigantic, seemed
instinctive base and cowardly, and at the sight of
storming gingerbread, and powers, Magog and
Gog, and Quixote, all against her, started fierce,
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 245
overturning boat, balloons, and all ; loud roared
the bulls, hideous, and the crash of wheels, and
chaos of confusion drear, resounded far from earth
to heaven. And still more fierce in charge the
great Lord Whittington, from poke of ermine his
famed Grimalkin took. She screamed, and harsh
attacked my bulls confounded ; lightning-like she
darted, and from half the troop their eyes devour
ing tore. Nor could the riders, crickets throned
sublime, escape from rage, from fury less averse
than cannons murder o er the stormy sea. The
great Mowmowsky roared amain and plunged in
anguish, shunning every dart of fire-eyed fierce
Grimalkin. Dire the rage of warfare and con
tending crickets, Quixote and great Magog ; when
Whittington advancing " Good, my friends and
warriors, headlong on the foe bear down impetu
ous." He spoke, and waving high the mighty
rod, tipped wonderful each bull, at which more
fierce the creatures bellowed, while enchantment
drear devoured their vitals. And all had gone
to wreck in more than mortal strife, unless, like
Neptune orient from the stormy deep, I rose, e en
towering o er the ruins of my fighting troops.
Serene and calm I stood, and gazed around un
daunted ; nor did aught oppose against my foes
impetuous. But sudden from chariot purses
246 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
plentiful of fudge poured forth, and scattered it
amain o er all the crowd contending. As when
old Catherine or the careful Joan doth scatter
to the chickens bits of bread and crumbs frag
mented, while rejoiced they gobble fast the prof
fered scraps in general plenty and fraternal peace,
and "hush," she cries, " hush ! hush !
CHAPTER XXX
The Baron arrives in England the Colossus of Rhodes comes
to congratulate him Great rejoicings on the Barons return,
and a tremendous concert The Baron s discourse with Fra-
grantia, and her opinion of the Tour to the Hebrides.
AVING arrived in England once
more, the greatest rejoicings were
made for my return ; the whole
city seemed one general blaze of
illumination, an d the Colossus of
Khodes, hearing of my astonishing feats, came
on purpose to England to congratulate me on
such unparalleled achievements. But above all
other rejoicings on my return, the musical ora
torio and song of triumph were magnificent in
the extreme. Gog and Magog were ordered to
take, the maiden tower of Windsor, and make
a tambourine or great drum of it. For this
purpose they extended an elephant s hide, tanned
and prepared for the design, across the summit
of the tower, from parapet to parapet, so that
in proportion this extended elephant s hide was
247
TRAVELS OF
to the whole of the castle what the parchment
is to a drum, in such a manner that the whole
became one great instrument of war.
To correspond with this, Colossus took Guild
hall and Westminster Abbey, and turning the
foundations towards the heavens, so that the
roofs of the edifices were upon the ground, he
strung them across with brass and steel wire
from side to side, and thus, when strung, they
had the appearance of most noble dulcimers.
He then took the great dome of St. Paul s,
raising it of! the earth with as much facility
as you would a decanter of claret. And when
once risen up it had the appearance of a quart
bottle. Colossus instantly, with his teeth, cracked
off the superior part of the cupola, and then
applying his lips to the instrument, began to
sound it like a trumpet. Twas martial beyond
description tantara ! tara ! ta !
During the concert I walked in the park with
Lady Fragrantia : she was dressed that morn
ing in a chemise a la reine. " I like," said she,
"the dew of the morning, tis delicate and
ethereal, and, by thus bespangling me, I think
it will more approximate me to the nature of
the rose [for her looks were like Aurora] ; and
to confirm the vermilion I shall go to Spa."
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 249
"And drink the Podhon spring? added I, gaz
ing at her from top to toe. " Yes," replied
the lovely Fragrantia, "with all my heart; tis
the drink of sweetness and delicacy. Never
were there any creatures like the water-drinkers
at Spa ; they seem like so many thirsty blossoms
on a peach-tree, that suck up the shower in
the scorching heat. There is a certain some
thing in the waters that gives vigour to the
whole frame, and expands every heart with
rapture and benevolence. They drink ! good
gods ! how they do drink ! and then, how they
sleep ! Pray, my dear Baron, were you ever at
the falls of Niagara? "Yes, my lady," re
plied I, surprised at such a strange association
of ideas ; " I have been, many years ago, at the
Falls of Niagara, and found no more difficulty
in swimming up and down the cataracts than
I should to move a minuet." At that moment
she dropped her nosegay. "Ah," said she, as
I presented it to her, " there is no great variety
in these polyanthuses. I do assure you, my
dear Baron, that there is taste in the selection
of flowers as well as everything else, and were
I a girl of sixteen I should wear some rosebuds
in my bosom, but at five -and- twenty I think it
would be more apropos to wear a full-blown
2 5 o TRAVELS OF
rose, quite ripe, and ready to drop off the stalk
for want of being pulled- -heigh-ho! "But
pray, my lady," said I, "how do you like the
concert ? " Alas ! " said she, languishingly, while
she laid her hand upon my shoulder, " what are
these bodiless sounds and vibration to me? and
yet what an exquisite sweetness in the songs
of the northern part of our island : Thou art
gone awa from me, Mary ! How pathetic and
divine the little airs of Scotland and the Hebrides !
But never, never can I think of that same
Doctor Johnson - - that CONSTABLE, as Fergus
MacLeod calls him but I have an idea of a
great brown full-bottomed wig and a hogshead
of porter ! Oh, twas base ! to be treated every
where with politeness and hospitality, and in
return invidiously to smellfungus them all over ;
to go to the country of Kate of Aberdeen, of
Auld Robin Gray, midst rural innocence and
sweetness, take up their plaids, and dance. Oh !
Doctor, Doctor !
"And what would you say, Fragrantia, if you
were to write a tour to the Hebrides ? " Peace
to the heroes," replied she, in a delicate and
theatrical tone ; " peace to the heroes who sleep
in the isle of lona ; the sons of the wave, and
the chiefs of the dark-brown shield ! The tear
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 251
of the sympathising stranger is scattered by the
wind over the hoary stones as she meditates
sorrowfully on the times of old ! Such could I
say, sitting upon some druidical heap or tumulus.
The fact is this, there is a right and wrong
handle to everything, and there is more pleasure
in thinking with pure nobility of heart than
with the illiberal enmities and sarcasm of a
blackguard."
CHAPTER XXXI
A litigated contention between Don Quixote, Gog, Magog, 6
A grand court assembled upon it The appearance of the
company The matrons, judges, 6^. The method of writing,
and the use of the fashionable amusement quizzes Wauwau
arrives from the country of Prester John, and leads the whole
Assembly a wild-goose chase to the top of Plinlimmon, and
thence to Virginia The Baron meets a floating island in his
voyage to America Pursues Wauwau with his whole company
through the deserts of North America His curious contrivance
to seize Wauwau in a morass.
HE contention between Gog and
Magog, and Sphinx, Hilaro Frosti-
cos, the Lord Whittington, &c., was
productive of infinite litigation. All
the lawyers in the kingdom were
employed, to render the affair as complex and
gloriously uncertain as possible ; and, in fine,
the whole nation became interested, and were
divided on both sides of the question. Colossus
took the part of Sphinx, and the affair was at
length submitted to the decision of a grand
council in a great hall, adorned with seats on
every side in form of an amphitheatre. The
252
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 255
assembly appeared the most magnificent and
splendid in the world. A court or jury of one
hundred matrons occupied the principal and
most honourable part of the amphitheatre ; they
were dressed in flowing robes of sky-blue velvet
adorned with festoons of brilliants and diamond
stars ; grave and sedate-looking matrons, all in
uniform, with spectacles upon their noses ; and
opposite to these were placed one hundred
judges, with curly white wigs flowing down on
each side of them to their very feet, so that
V
Solomon in all his glory was not so wise in
appearance. At the ardent request of the whole
empire I condescended to be the president of
the court, and being arrayed accordingly, I took
my seat beneath a canopy erected in the centre.
Before every judge was placed a square inkstand,
containing a gallon of ink, and pens of a pro
portionable size ; and also right before him an
enormous folio, so large as to serve for table and
book at the same time. But they did not make
much use of their pens and ink, except to blot
and daub the paper; for, that they should be
the more impartial, I had ordered that none but
the blind should be honoured with the employ
ment : so that when they attempted to write
anything, they uniformly dipped their pens into
256 TRAVELS OF
the machine containing sand, and having scrawled
over a page as they thought, desiring them to
dry it with sand, would spill half a gallon of
ink upon the paper, and thereby daubing their
fingers, would transfer the ink to their face
whenever they leaned their cheek upon their
hand for greater gravity. As to the matrons,
to prevent an eternal prattle that would drown
all manner of intelligibility, I found it absolutely
necessary to sew up their mouths ; so that
between the blind judges and the dumb matrons
methought the trial had a chance of being ter
minated sooner than it otherwise would. The
matrons, instead of their tongues, had other
instruments to convey their ideas : each of them
had three quizzes, one quiz pendent from the
string that sewed up her mouth, and another
quiz in either hand. When she wished to express
her negative, she darted and recoiled the quizzes
in her right and left hand ; and when she desired
to express her affirmative, she, nodding, made the
quiz pendent from her mouth flow down and recoil
again. The trial proceeded in this manner for a
long time, to the admiration of the whole empire,
when at length I thought proper to send to my
old friend and ally, Prester John, entreating him
to forward to me one of the species of wild and
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 257
curious birds found in his kingdom, called a
Wauwau. This creature was brought over the
great bridge before mentioned, from the interior
of Africa, by a balloon. The balloon was placed
upon the bridge, extending over the parapets
on each side, with great wings or oars to assist
its velocity, and under the balloon was placed
pendant a kind of boat, in which were the
persons to manage the steerage of the machine,
and protect Wauwau. This oracular bird, arriv
ing in England, instantly darted through one
of the windows of the great hall, and perched
upon the canopy in the centre, to the admira
tion of all present. Her cackling appeared
quite prophetic and oracular; and the first
question proposed to her by the unanimous con
sent of the matrons and judges was, Whether or
not the moon was composed of green cheese ?
The solution of this question was deemed
absolutely necessary before they could proceed
farther on the trial.
Wauwau seemed in figure not very much
differing from a swan, except that the neck
was not near so long, and she stood after an
admirable fashion like to Vestris. She began
cackling most sonorously, and the whole assembly
agreed that it was absolutely necessary to catch
R
TRAVELS OF
her, and having her in their immediate posses
sion, nothing more would be requisite for the
termination of this litigated affair. For this
purpose the whole house rose up to catch her,
and approached in tumult, the judges brandish
ing their pens, and shaking their big wigs,
and the matrons quizzing as much as possible
in every direction, which very much startled
Wauwau, who, clapping her wings, instantly
flew out of the hall. The assembly began to
proceed after her in order and style of prece
dence, together with my whole train of Gog
and Magog, Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, Queen
Mab s chariot, the bulls and crickets, &c., pre
ceded by bands of music ; while Wauwau, de
scending on the earth, ran on like an ostrich
before the troop, cackling all the way. Think
ing suddenly to catch this ferocious animal, the
judges and matrons would suddenly quicken
their pace, but the creature would as quickly
outrun them, or sometimes fly away for many
miles together, and then alight to take breath
until we came within sight of her again. Our
train journeyed over a most prodigious tract of
country in a direct line, over hills and dales, to
the summit of Plinlimmon, where we thought to
have seized Wauwau ; but she instantly took
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 261
flight, and never ceased until she arrived at the
mouth of the Potomac river in Virginia.
Our company immediately emharked in the
machines before described, in which we had
journeyed into Africa, and after a few days sail
arrived in North America. We met with no
thing curious on our voyage, except a floating
island, containing some very delightful villages,
inhabited by a few whites and negroes ; the
sugar cane did not thrive there well, on account,
as I was informed, of the variety of the climates ;
the island being sometimes driven up as far as
the north pole, and at other times wafted under
the equinoctial. In pity to the poor islan
ders, I got a huge stake of iron, and driving
it through the centre of the island, fastened
it to the rocks and mud at the bottom of the
sea, since which time the island has become
stationary, and is well known at present by
the name of St. Christopher s, and there is not
an island in the world more secure.
Arriving in North America, we were received
by the President of the United States with every
honour and politeness. He was pleased to give
us all the information possible relative to the
woods and immense regions of America, and
ordered troops of the different tribes of the
262 TRAVELS OF
Esquimaux to guide us through the forests in
pursuit of Wauwau, who, we at length found,
had taken refuge in the centre of a morass.
The inhabitants of the country, who loved
hunting, were much delighted to behold the
manner in which we attempted to seize upon
Wauwau ; the chase was noble and uncommon.
I determined to surround the animal on every
side, and for this purpose ordered the judges
and matrons to surround the morass with nets
extending a mile in height, on various parts of
which net the company disposed themselves,
floating in the air like so many spiders upon
their cobwebs. Magog, at my command, put
on a kind of armour that he had carried with
him for the purpose, corselet of steel, with gaunt
lets, helmet, &c., so as nearly to resemble a mole.
He instantly plunged into the earth, making way
with his sharp steel head-piece, and tearing up
the ground with his iron claws, and found not
much difficulty therein, as morass in general
is of a soft and yielding texture. Thus he
hoped to undermine Wauwau, and suddenly
rising, seize her by the foot, while his brother
Gog ascended the air in a balloon, hoping to
catch her if she should escape Magog. Thus
the animal was surrounded on every side, and
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 263
at first was very much terrified, knowing not
which way she had best to go. At length
hearing an obscure noise under ground, Wau-
wau took flight before Magog could have time
to catch her by the foot. She flew to the right,
then to the left, north, east, west, and south,
but found on every side the company prepared
upon their nets. At length she flew right up,
soaring at a most astonishing rate towards the
sun, while the company on every side set up
one general acclamation. But Gog in his
balloon soon stopped Wauwau in the midst
of her career, and snared her in a net, the cords
of which he continued to hold in his hand.
Wauwau did not totally lose her presence of
mind, but after a little consideration, made
several violent darts against the volume of the
balloon ; so fierce, as at length to tear open
a great space, on which the inflammable air
rushing out, the whole apparatus began to
tumble to the earth with amazing rapidity.
Gog himself was thrown out of the vehicle,
and letting go the reins of the net, Wauwau
got liberty again, and flew out of sight in an
instant.
Gog had been above a mile elevated from the
earth when he began to fall, and as he advanced
264 BARON MUNCHAUSEN
the rapidity increased, so that he went like a
ball from a cannon into the morass, and his
nose striking against one of the iron-capped
hands of his brother Magog, just then rising
from the depths, he began to bleed violently,
and, but for the softness of the morass, would
have lost his life.
CHAPTER XXXII
The Baron harangues the company, and they continue the pur
suit The Baron, wandering from his retinue, is taken by the
savages, scalped, and tied to a stake to be roasted ; but he con
trives to extricate himself, and kills the savages The Baron
travels overland through the forests of North America, to the
confines of Russia Arrives at the castle of the Nareskin
Rowskimowmowsky, and gallops into the kingdom of Loggerheads
A battle, in which the Baron fights the Nareskin in single
combat, and generously gives him his life Arrives at the
Friendly Islands, and discourses with Omai The Baron,
with all his attendants, goes from Otaheite to the isthmus of
Darien, and having cut a canal across the isthmus, returns to
England.
Y friends, and very learned and pro
found Judiciarii," said I, " be not
disheartened that Wauwau has es~
caped from you at present : per
severe, and we shall yet succeed.
You should never despair, Munchausen being
your general ; and therefore be brave, be courage
ous, and fortune shall second your endeavours.
Let us advance undaunted in pursuit, and follow
the fierce Wauwau even three times round the
globe, until we entrap her."
265
266 TRAVELS OF
My words filled them with confidence and
valour, and they unanimously agreed to con
tinue the chase. We penetrated the frightful de
serts and gloomy woods of America, beyond the
source of the Ohio, through countries utterly
unknown before. I frequently took the diversion
of shooting in the woods, and one day that I
happened with three attendants to wander far
from our troop, we were suddenly set upon by a
number of savages. As we had expended our
powder and shot, and happened to have no side-
arms, it was in vain to make any resistance
against hundreds of enemies. In short, they
bound us, and made us walk before them to a
gloomy cavern in a rock, where they feasted
upon what game they had killed, but which
not being sufficient, they took my three unfor
tunate companions and myself, and scalped us.
The pain of losing the flesh from my head was
most horrible ; it made me leap in agonies, and
roar like a bull. They then tied us to stakes,
and making great fires around us, began to
dance in a circle, singing with much distortion
and barbarity, and at times putting the palms
of their hands to their mouths, set up the war-
whoop. As they had on that day also made a
great prize of some wine and spirits belonging
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 269
to our troop, these barbarians, finding it delicious,
and unconscious of its intoxicating quality, began
to drink it in profusion, while they beheld us
roasting, and in a very short time they were all
completely drunk, and fell asleep around the
fires. Perceiving some hopes, I used most as
tonishing efforts to extricate myself from the
cords with which I was tied, and at length suc
ceeded. I immediately unbound my companions,
and though half roasted, they still had power
enough to walk. We sought about for the flesh
that had been taken off our heads, and having
found the scalps, we immediately adapted them
to our bloody heads, sticking them on with a
kind of glue of a sovereign quality, that flows
from a tree in that country, and the parts united
and healed in a few hours. We took care to
revenge ourselves on the savages, and with their
own hatchets put every one of them to death.
We then returned to our troop, who had given
us up for lost, and they made great rejoicings on
our return. We now proceeded in our journey
through this prodigious wilderness, Gog and
Magog acting as pioneers, hewing down the
trees, &c., at a great rate as we advanced. We
passed over numberless swamps and lakes and
rivers, until at length we discovered a habitation
270
TRAVELS OP
at some distance. It appeared a dark and gloomy
castle, surrounded with strong ramparts, and a
broad ditch. We called a council of war, and
it was determined to send a deputation with a
trumpet to the
walls of the
castle, and de
mand friend
ship from the
governor,
whoever he
might be, and
an account
if aught he
knewofWau-
wau. For this
purpose our
whole caravan
halted in the
wood, and
Gog and Ma
gog reclined
amongst the
trees, that their enormous strength and size
should not t be discovered, and give umbrage
to the lord of the castle. Our embassy ap
proached the castle, and having demanded
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 271
admittance for some time, at length the draw
bridge was let down, and they were suffered to
enter. As soon as they had passed the gate it
was immediately closed after them, and on either
side they perceived ranks of halberdiers, who
made them tremble with fear. " We come," the
herald proclaimed, " on the part of Hilaro Frosti-
cos, Don Quixote, Lord Whittington, and the
thrice - renowned Baron Munchausen, to claim
friendship from the governor of this puissant
castle, and to seek Wauwau." "The most noble
the governor," replied an officer, "is at all times
happy to entertain such travellers as pass through
these immense deserts, and will esteem it an
honour that the great Hilaro Frosticos, Don
Quixote, Lord Whittington, and the thrice-
renowned Baron Munchausen, enter his castle
walls."
In short, we entered the castle. The gover
nor sat with all our company to table, sur
rounded by his friends, of a very fierce and
warlike appearance. They spoke but little, and
seemed very austere and reserved, until the
first course was served up. The dishes were
brought in by a number of bears walking on
their hind-legs, and on every dish was a fricassee
of pistols, pistol-bullets, sauce of gunpowder,
272
TRAVELS OF
and aqua-vitse. This entertainment seemed rather
indigestible by even an ostrich s stomach, when
the governor addressed us, and informed me
that it was ever his custom to strangers to offer
them for the first course a service similar to that
before us ; and
if they were in
clined to accept
the invitation,
he would fight
them as much
as they pleased,
but if they could
not relish the
pistol-bullets,
&c., he would
conclude them
peaceable, and
try what better
politeness he
could show them
in his castle. In short, the first course being
removed untouched, we dined, and after dinner
the governor forced the company to push the
bottle about with alacrity and to excess. He
informed us that he was the Nareskin Rowski-
mowmowsky, who had retired amidst these wilds,
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 273
disgusted with the court of Petersburgh. I
was rejoiced to meet him ; I recollected my
old friend, whom I had known at the court
of Russia, when I rejected the hand of the
Empress. The Nareskin, with all his knights-
companions, drank to an astonishing degree, and
we all set off upon hobby horses in full cry out
of the castle. Never was there seen such a
cavalcade before. In front galloped a hundred
knights belonging to the castle, with hunting
horns and a pack of excellent dogs ; and then
came the Nareskin Rowskimowmowsky, Gog
and Magog, Hilaro Frosticos, and your humble
servant, hallooing and shouting like so many
demoniacs, and spurring our hobby horses at an
infernal rate until we arrived in the kingdom
of Loggerheads. The kingdom of Loggerheads
was wilder than any part of Siberia, and the
Nareskin had here built a romantic summer-
house in a Gothic taste, to which he would
frequently retire with his company after dinner.
The Nareskin had a dozen bears of enormous
stature that danced for our amusement, and
their chiefs performed the minuet de la cour to
admiration. And here the most noble Hilaro
Frosticos thought proper to ask the Nareskin
some intelligence about Wauwau, in quest of
a
2 7 4 TRAVELS OF
whom we had travelled over such a tract of
country, and encountered so many dangerous
adventures, and also invited the Nareskin Row-
skimowmowsky to attend us with all his bears
in the expedition. The Nareskin appeared as
tonished at the idea ; he looked with infinite
hauteur and ferocity on Hilaro, and affecting a
violent passion asked him, " Did he imagine
that the Nareskin Rowskimowmowsky could con
descend to take notice of a Wauwau, let her
fly what way she would ! Or did he think a
chief possessing such blood in his veins could
engage in such a foreign pursuit ? By the blood
of all the bears in the kingdom of Loggerheads,
and by the ashes of my great great grandmother,
I would cut off your head !
Hilaro Frosticos resented this oration, and in
short a general riot commenced. The bears,
together with the hundred knights, took the
part of the Nareskin, and Gog and Magog,
Don Quixote, the Sphinx, Lord Whittington, the
bulls, the crickets, the judges, the matrons, and
Hilaro Frosticos, made noble warfare against
them.
I drew my sword, and challenged the Nareskin
to single combat. He frowned, while his eyes
sparkled fire and indignation, and bracing a
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 275
buckler on his left arm, he advanced against
me. I made a blow at him with all my force,
which he received upon his buckler, and my
sword broke short.
Ungenerous Nareskin ; seeing me disarmed,
he still pushed forward, dealing his blows upon
me with the utmost violence, which I parried
with my shield and the hilt of my broken sword,
and fought like a game-cock.
An enormous bear at the same time attacked
me, but I ran my hand still retaining the hilt
of my broken sword down his throat, and tore
up his tongue by the roots. I then seized his
carcase by the hind-legs, and whirling it over
my head, gave the Nareskin such a blow with
his own bear as evidently stunned him. I re
peated my blows, knocking the bear s head
against the Nareskin s head, until, by one happy
blow, I got his head into the bear s jaws, and
the creature being still somewhat alive and
convulsive, the teeth closed upon him like nut
crackers. I threw the bear from me, but the
Nareskin remained sprawling, unable to ex
tricate his head from the bear s jaws, imploring
for mercy. I gave the wretch his life : a lion
preys not upon carcases.
At the same time my troop had effectually
276 TRAVELS OF
routed the bears and the rest of their adver
saries. I was merciful, and ordered quarter to
be given.
At that moment I perceived Wauwau flying
at a great height through the heavens, and we
instantly set out in pursuit of her, and never
stopped until we arrived at Kamschatka ; thence
we passed to Otaheite. I met my old acquain
tance Omai, who had been in England with
the great navigator, Cook, and I was glad to
find he had established Sunday schools over all
the islands. I talked to him of Europe, and his
former voyage to England. "Ah! said he,
most emphatically, " the English, the cruel Eng
lish, to murder me with goodness, and refine
upon my torture took me to Europe, and
showed me the court of England, the delicacy
of exquisite life ; they showed me gods, and
showed me heaven, as if on purpose to make me
feel the loss of them."
From these islands we set out, attended by
a fleet of canoes with fighting- stages and the
chiefest warriors of the islands, commanded by
Omai. Thus the chariot of Queen Mab, my
team of bulls and the crickets, the ark, the
Sphinx, and the balloons, with Hilaro Frosticos,
Gog and Magog, Lord Whittington, and the
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 277
Lord Mayor s show, Don Quixote, &c., with my
fleet of canoes, altogether cut a very formidable
appearance on our arrival at the Isthmus of
Darien. Sensible of what general benefit it
would be to mankind, I immediately formed a
plan of cutting a canal across the isthmus from
sea to sea.
For this purpose I drove my chariot with the
greatest impetuosity repeatedly from shore to
shore, in the same track, tearing up the rocks
and earth thereby, and forming a tolerable bed
for the water. Gog and Magog next advanced
at the head of a million of people from the
realms of North and South America, and from
Europe, and with infinite labour cleared away
the earth, &c., that I had ploughed up with my
chariot. I then again drove my chariot, making
the canal wider and deeper, and ordered Gog
and Magog to repeat their labour as before.
The canal being a quarter of a mile broad, and
three hundred yards in depth, I thought it suffi
cient, and immediately let in the waters of the
sea. I did imagine, that from the rotatory
motion of the earth on its axis from west to
east the sea would be higher on the eastern
than the western coast, and that on the uniting
of the two seas there would be a strong current
278 BARON MUNCHAUS EN
from the east, and it happened just as I ex
pected. The sea came in with tremendous
magnificence, and enlarged the bounds of the
canal, so as to make a passage of some miles
broad from ocean to ocean, and make an island
of South America. Several sail of trading
vessels and men-of-war sailed through this new
channel to the South Seas, China, &c., and
saluted me with all their cannon as they
passed.
I looked through my telescope at the moon,
and perceived the philosophers there in great
commotion. They could plainly discern the
alteration on the surface of our globe, and
thought themselves somehow interested in the
enterprise of their fellow-mortals in a neigh
bouring planet. They seemed to think it
admirable that such little beings as we men
should attempt so magnificent a performance,
that would be observable even in a separate
world.
Thus having wedded the Atlantic Ocean to
the South Sea, I returned to England, and
found Wauwau precisely in the very spot whence
she had set out, after having led us a chase
all round the world.
CHAPTER XXXIII
The Baron goes to Petersburgh, and converses with the Empress
-Persuades the Russians and Turks to cease cutting one
another s throats, and in concert cut a canal across the Isthmus
of Suez The Baron discovers the Alexandrine Library, and
meets with Hermes Trismegistus Besieges Seringapatam, and
challenges Tip poo Sahib to single combat They fight The
Baron receives some wounds on his face, but at last vanquishes
the tyrant The Baron returns to Europe, and raises the hull
of the " Royal George."
EIZED with a fury of canal-cutting,
I took it in my head to form an
immediate communication between
the Mediterranean and the Red
Sea, and therefore set out for
Petersburgh.
The sanguinary ambition of the Empress
would not listen to my proposals, until I took a
private opportunity, taking a cup of coffee with
her Majesty, to tell her that I would absolutely
sacrifice myself for the general good of man
kind, and if she would accede to my proposals,
would, on the completion of the canal, ipso
facto, give her my hand in marriage !
279
2 &o TRA VEL$ OP
"My dear, dear Baron," said she, "I accede to
everything you please, and agree to make
peace with the Porte on the conditions you
mention. And," added she, rising with all the
majesty of the Czarina, Empress of half the
world, " be it known to all subjects, that We
ordain these conditions, for such is our royal
will and pleasure."
I now proceeded to the Isthmus of Suez, at
the head of a million of Russian pioneers, and
there united my forces with a million of Turks,
armed with shovels and pickaxes. They did
not come to cut each other s throats, but for
their mutual interest, to facilitate commerce and
civilisation, and pour all the wealth of India
by a new channel into Europe. " My brave
fellows," said I, " consider the immense labour
of the Chinese to build their celebrated wall ;
think of what superior benefit to mankind is
our present undertaking ; persevere, and fortune
will second your endeavours. Remember it is
Munchausen who leads you on, and be con
vinced of success."
Saying these words, I drove my chariot with
all my might in my former track, that vestige
mentioned by the Baron de Tott, and when I
was advanced considerably, I felt my chariot
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 283
sinking under me. I attempted to drive on, but
the ground, or rather immense vault, giving
way, my chariot and all went down precipi
tately. Stunned by the fall, I was some
moments before I could recollect myself, when
at length, to my amazement, I perceived my
self fallen into the Alexandrine Library, over
whelmed in an ocean of books ; thousands of
volumes came tumbling on my head amidst the
ruins of that part of the vault through which
my chariot had descended, and for a time
buried my bulls and all beneath a heap of
learning. However, I contrived to extricate
myself, and advanced with awful admiration
through the vast avenues of the library. I per
ceived on every side innumerable volumes and
repositories of ancient learning, and all the
science of the Antediluvian world. Here I met
with Hermes Trismegistus, and a parcel of old
philosophers debating upon the politics and
learning of their days. I gave them inexpres
sible delight in telling them, in a few words,
all the discoveries of Newton, and the history
of the world since their time. These gentry,
on the contrary, told me a thousand stories of
antiquity that some of our antiquarians would
give their very eyes to hear.
284 TRAVELS OF
In short, I ordered the library to be preserved,
and I intend making a present of it, as soon as
it arrives in England, to the Royal Society,
together with Hermes Trismegistus, and half a
dozen old philosophers. I have got a beautiful
cage made, in which I keep these extraordinary
creatures, and feed them with bread and honey,
as they seem to believe in a kind of doctrine
of transmigration, and will not touch flesh.
Hermes Trismegistus especially is a most antique
looking being, with a beard half a yard long,
covered with a robe of golden embroidery, and
prates like a parrot. He will cut a very brilliant
figure in the Museum.
Having made a track with my chariot from
sea to sea, I ordered my Turks and Russians to
begin, and in a few hours we had the pleasure
of seeing a fleet of British East Indiamen in
full sail through the canal. The officers of this
fleet were very polite, and paid me every ap
plause and congratulation my exploits could
merit. They told me of their affairs in India,
and the ferocity of that dreadful warrior, Tip-
poo Sahib, on which I resolved to go to India
and encounter the tyrant. I travelled down the
Red Sea to Madras, and at the head of a few
Sepoys and Europeans pursued the flying army
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 287
of Tippoo to the gates of Seringapatam. I
challenged him to mortal combat, and, mounted
on my steed, rode up to the walls of the fortress
amidst a storm of shells and cannon-balls. As
fast as the bombs and cannon-balls came upon
me, I caught them in my hands like so many
pebbles, and throwing them against the fortress,
demolished the strongest ramparts of the place.
I took my mark so direct, that whenever I aimed
a cannon-ball or a shell at any person on the
ramparts I was sure to hit him : and one time
perceiving a tremendous piece of artillery pointed
against me, and knowing the ball must be so
great it would certainly stun me, I took a small
cannon-ball, and just as I perceived the engineer
going to order them to fire, and opening his
mouth to give the word of command, I took aim
and drove my ball precisely down his throat.
Tippoo, fearing that all would be lost, that a
general and successful storm would ensue if I
continued to batter the place, came forth upon
his elephant to fight me ; I saluted him, and
insisted he should fire first.
Tippoo, though a barbarian, was not deficient
in politeness, and declined the compliment ;
upon which I took off my hat, and bowing, told
Mm it was an advantage Munchausen should
288 TRAVELS OF
never be said to accept from so gallant a warrior :
on which Tippoo instantly discharged his car
bine, the ball from which, hitting my horse s
ear, made him plunge with rage and indigna
tion. In return I discharged my pistol at Tip-
poo, and shot off his turban. He had a small
field-piece mounted with him on his elephant,
which he then discharged at me, and the grape-
shot coming in a shower, rattled in the laurels
that covered and shaded me all over, and re
mained pendant like berries on the branches.
I then, advancing, took the proboscis of his ele
phant, and turning it against the rider, struck
him repeatedly with the extremity of it on either
side of the head, until I at length dismounted
him. Nothing could equal the rage of the
barbarian finding himself thrown from his ele
phant. He rose in a fit of despair, and rushed
against my steed and myself: but I scorned to
fight him at so great a disadvantage on his side,
and directly dismounted to fight him hand to
hand. Never did I fight with any man who
bore himself more nobly than this adversary ; he
parried my blows, and dealt home his own in
return with astonishing precision. The first blow
of his sabre I received upon the bridge of my
nose, and but for the bony firmness of that part of
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 289
my face, it would have descended to my mouth.
I still bear the mark upon my nose.
He next made a furious blow at my head, but
I, parrying, deadened the force of his sabre, so
that I received but one scar on my forehead, and
at the same instant, by a blow of my sword, cut
off his arm, and his hand and sabre fell to the
earth ; he tottered for some paces, and dropped at
the foot of his elephant. That sagacious animal,
seeing the danger of his master, endeavoured to
protect him by flourishing his proboscis round the
head of the Sultan.
Fearless I advanced against the elephant, de
sirous to take alive the haughty Tippoo Sahib ; but
he drew a pistol from his belt, and discharged it
full in my face as I rushed upon him, which did
me no further harm than wound my cheek-bone,
which disfigures me somewhat under my left eye.
I could not withstand the rage and impulse of
that moment, and with one blow of my sword
separated his head from his body.
I returned overland from India to Europe with
admirable velocity, so that the account of Tippoo s
defeat by me has not as yet arrived by the ordinary
passage, nor can you expect to hear of it for a
considerable time. I simply relate the encounter
as it happened between the Sultan and me ; and
T
TRAVELS OP
if there be any one who doubts the truth of what
I say, he is an infidel, and I will fight him at any
time and place, and with any weapon he pleases.
Hearing so many persons talk about raising the
" Royal George," I began to take pity on that fine
old ruin of British plank, and determined to have
her up. I was sensible of the failure of the
various means hitherto employed for the pur
pose, and therefore inclined to try a method
different from any before attempted. I got an
immense balloon, made of the toughest sail-cloth,
and having descended in my divingrbell, and pro
perly secured the hull with enormous cables, I
ascended to the surface, and fastened my cables
to the balloon. Prodigious multitudes were as
sembled to behold the elevation of the " Royal
George," and as soon as I began to fill my
balloon with inflammable air the vessel evidently
began to move : but when my balloon was com
pletely filled, she carried up the " Royal George
with the greatest rapidity. The vessel appearing
on the surface occasioned a universal shout of
triumph from the millions assembled on the occa
sion. Still the balloon continued ascending, trail
ing the hull after like a lantern at the tail of a
kite, and in a few minutes appeared floating among
the clouds.
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 291
It was then the opinion of many philosophers
that it would be more difficult to get her down
than it had been to draw her up. But I convinced
them to the contrary by taking my aim so exactly
with a twelve-pounder, that I brought her down
in an instant.
I considered, that if I should break the balloon
with a cannon-ball while she remained with the
vessel over the land, the fall would inevitably
occasion the destruction of the hull, and which,
in its fall, might crush some of the multitude ;
therefore I thought it safer to take my aim when
the balloon was over the sea, and pointing my
twelve-pounder, drove the ball right through the
balloon, on which the inflammable air rushed out
with great force, and the "Royal George" descended
like a falling star into the very spot from whence
she had been taken. There she still remains, and
I have convinced all Europe of the possibility of
taking her up.
CHAPTER XXXIV
The Baron makes a speech to the National Assembly, and drives
out all the members Routs the fishwomen and the National
Guards Pursues the whole rout into a Church, where he
defeats the National Assembly, &c., with Rousseau, Voltaire,
and Beelzebub at their head, and liberates Marie Antoinette and
the Royal Family.
ASSING through Switzerland on my
return from India, I was informed
that several of the German nobility
had been deprived of the honours
and immunities of their French estates. I
heard of the sufferings of the amiable Marie
Antoinette, and swore to avenge every look
that had threatened her with insult. I went
to the cavern of these Anthropophagi, as
sembled to debate, and gracefully putting the
hilt of my sword to my lips- -" I swear," cried
I, "by the sacred cross of my sword, that if
you do not instantly reinstate your king and
292
.
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 293
his nobility, and your injured queen, I will cut
the one half of you to pieces."
On which the President, taking up a leaden
inkstand, flung it at my head. I stooped to
avoid the blow, and rushing to the tribunal
seized the Speaker, who was fulminating against
the Aristocrats, and taking the creature by one
leg, flung him at the President. I laid about
me most nobly, drove them all out of the house,
and locking the doors put the key in my
pocket.
I then went to the poor king, and making
my obeisance to him- -" Sire," said I, your
enemies have all fled. I alone am the National
Assembly at present, and I shall register your
edicts to recall the princes and the nobility ;
and in future, if your majesty pleases, I will
be your Parliament and Council." He thanked
me, and the amiable Marie Antoinette, smiling,
gave me her hand to kiss.
At that moment I perceived a party of the
National Assembly, who had rallied with the
National Guards, and a vast procession of fish-
women, advancing against me. I deposited their
294 TRAVELS OF
Majesties in a place of safety, and with my
drawn sword advanced against my foes. Three
hundred fishwomen, with bushes dressed with
ribbons in their hands, came hallooing and
roaring against me like so many furies. I
scorned to defile my sword with their blood,
but seized the first that came up, and making
her kneel down I knighted her with my sword,
which so terrified the rest that they all set up
a frightful yell and ran away as fast as they
could for fear of being aristocrated by knight
hood.
As to the National Guards and the rest of
the Assembly, I soon put them to flight ; and
having made prisoners of some of them, com
pelled them to take down their national, and
put the old royal cockade in its place.
I then pursued the enemy to the top of a hill,
where a most noble edifice dazzled my sight ;
noble and sacred it was, but now converted to
the vilest purposes, their monument de grands
hommes, a Christian church that these Saracens
had perverted into abomination. I burst open
the doors, and entered sword in hand. Here I
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 297
observed all the National Assembly marching
round a great altar erected to Voltaire ; there was
his statue in triumph, and the fishwomen with
garlands decking it, and singing " Ca ira ! I
could bear the sight no longer; but rushed
upon these pagans, and sacrificed them by
dozens on the spot. The members of the
Assembly, and the fishwomen, continued to
invoke their great Voltaire, and all their masters
in this monument de grands hommes, imploring
them to come down and succour them against
the Aristocrats and the sword of Munchausen.
Their cries were horrible, like the shrieks of
witches and enchanters versed in magic and the
black art, while the thunder growled, and
storms shook the battlements, and Rousseau,
Voltaire, and Beelzebub appeared, three horrible
spectres ; one all meagre, mere skin and bone,
and cadaverous, seemed death, that hideous
skeleton ; it was Voltaire, and in his hand were
a lyre and a dagger. On the other side was
Rousseau, with a chalice of sweet poison in his
hand, and between them was their father Beel
zebub !
298 TRAVELS OF
I shuddered at the sight, and with all the
enthusiasm of rage, horror, and piety, rushed
in among them. I seized that cursed skeleton
Voltaire, and soon compelled him to renounce
all the errors he had advanced ; and while he
spoke the words, as if by magic charm, the
whole assembly shrieked, and the pandemo
nium began to tumble in hideous ruin on their
heads.
I returned in triumph to the palace, where the
Queen rushed into my arms, weeping tenderly.
"Ah, thou flower of nobility," cried she, "were
all the nobles of France like thee, we should
never have been brought to this !
I bade the lovely creature dry her eyes, and
with the King and Dauphin ascend my carriage,
and drive post to Mont-Medi, as not an instant
was to be lost. They took my advice and drove
away. I conveyed them within a few miles of
Mont-Medi, when the King, thanking me for
my assistance, hoped I would not trouble myself
any farther, as he was then, he presumed, out of
danger ; and the .Queen also, w r ith tears in her
eyes, thanked me on her knees, and presented
BARON MUNCHAUSEN 299
the Dauphin for my blessing. In short, I left the
King eating a mutton chop. I advised him not
to delay, or he would certainly be taken, and
setting spurs to my horse, wished them a good
evening, and returned to England. If the King
remained too long at table, and was taken, it
was not my fault.
THE END
Printed by BAl.LANTYNE, HANSON & CO.
Edinburgh and London
PN 6193 .M8 S4 1895 SMC
Baron Munchausen s
narrative of his
The surprising
adventures of Baron
AYF-2381 (mcsk)
TVNews
OpenLibrary