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THE NASBT PAPERS.
PETROLEUM T. NASBY,
PASTOR UV THE CHURCH UV THE XOO DISPENSASHUN,
MILNER AND SOWERBY.
C. K. OGDEN
To that Sterlin Patryot and unkorruptible
crischen gentleman, Fernandywood, uv Noo
To that hi-toned man and wool-dyed Dini-
okrat, Franklin Peerse, uv Noo Hampshire ;
To that long-suffrin but pashent Dimokrat,
Jesse D. Brite, uv Injeany, whose highest
recommendashun is that he was eckspelled f rum
a Ablishn Senit, but who wood hev resined
hed ther ever bin a presedent fer a Dimokrat
resinin ; and
To the grate Vallandygum, uv Ohio, who
went to the stake with a kamness onparallel-
led for prinssipple,
These book is respectfully dediked, by
Parsonage, Church uv the Noo Dispensashun,
Wingert's Corners, 0., Aug. 1, 1864.
I. On Negro Emigration 9
II. Has an Interview with Vallandigham 14
III. Annihilates an Oberlinite 20
IV. Shows why he should not be drafted 24
V. In Canada 27
VI. Is finally drafted 31
VII. Deserts— His Experience in Clothes 35
VIII. Captures a Turkey 40
IX. Improves his Fortunes by Marriage 44
X, Converses with a Southern Soldier 48
XI. At Home 52
XII. Assists Draft Registers 56
XIII. Strategises ... 60
XIV. Addresses the Soldiers 63
XV. Organizes a Democratic Church... 67
XVI. Goes on with his Church 72
XVII. StartsnPaper 76
XVIII. Preaches and makes a sudden Shift 80
XIX. Observes a Day of Fasting 84
XX. Visits Vallandigham 88
XXI. Confession of Faith 92
XXII. Preaches— Subject "Given" 96
XXIII, Visits Camp Dennison to Election-
eering for Vallandigham 101
XXIV. Iii the " Apossel Biznis" 104
XXV. Wailetn 108
XXVI. "Changes his Base" 112
XXVII. Has an Interview with the President 116
XXVIII. Preaches 121
XXIX. Submits a Plan for the Salvation of
the Democratic Party 120'
XXX. Takes a Retrospective View 130
XXXI. Communes with Spirits 135
XXXII. Tries an Experiment 140
XXXIII, Establishes African Slavery 114
XXXIV. Preaches— Subject « The Prodygal
XXXV. Dreams 152
XXXVI. His Letter on Fremant's Nomina-
XXXVII. Sonnit onto a Soljer — From a Dim-
mekratic Stan-pint 159
THE NASBY PAPEES.
ON NEGRO EMIGRATION.
There is now 15 niggers, men, wimin
and children, or ruther, mail, femail and
yung, in Wingert's Corners, and yister-
day another arrove. I am bekomin
alarmed, fer ef they inkreese at this
rate, in suthin over sixty yeres they'll
hev a majority in town, and may, ef
they git mene enuff, tyrannize over us,
even ez we are tyrannizin over them.
The danger is imminent ! Alreddy our
poor white inhabitans is out uv employ-
ment to make room fer that nigger —
even now our shops and factories is full
uv that nigger, to the grate detriment
uv a white inhabitant who hcz a family
10 THE NA8BY PAPERS.
2 support, and our Poor Hows and
Jail is full uv him.
I imploar the peeple to wake up.
Let us bold a mass meetin to take this
subgit in2 considerashen, and that biz-
nis may be expeditid, I perposs, the
adopshen uv a serez uv Preamble and
Rezolooshens, suthin like the follerin,
Ware as, We vew with alarm the
ackshun uv the Presydent uv the U. S.,
in recommendin the immejit emansipa-
shun uv the slaves uv our misgidid
Suthern brethiin, and his evident in-
tenshun uv kolonizin on em in the
North, and the heft on em in Wingret's
Ware as, In the event uv this immi-
grashun, our fellow townsman, Abslum
Kitt, and uthers, hooz familis depend
upon thare laber fer support, wood be
throde out uv employment, and
Wareas, Wen yoo give a man a hoss,
yoo air oblecgd to also make him a
present uv a silver plated harnis and a
$350 buggy, so ef we let the nigger live
here we air in dooty bound to let him
vote, and to marry him off-hand, and
THE NASBY PAPERS. 11
Wareas, Wen this stait uv afFares
arrivs, our kentry will be no fit plais
fer men uv edjucasken and refinement,
Wareas, Eny man Levin the intellek
uv a brass-mountid jackass, kin eesily
see that the 2 races want never intendid
to liv together, and
Wareas, Bein in the majority we
kin do ez we please, and ez the nigger
.aint no vote he kant help hisself, there-
fore be it
Resolved, That the crude, un-de-
odorizd Afrikin is a disgustin obgik.
Resolved, That the Convenshun,
wen it hez its feet washed, smells
sweeter ner the Afrikin in his normal
condishun, and his ther4 his sooperier.
Resolved, That the niggers be druv
out uv Wingert'a Corners, and that sich
property ez they may hev akkumulatid
be konfistikatid, and the proseeds ap-
plide to the follerin purposis, to wit :
Payment uv the bills uv the Dime-
kratik Central Kommitee,
Payment uv the disintrestid patriots
ez got up this meetin.
12 THE NASBY PAPEItS.
The balens to remane in my hands.
Resolved, That the Ablishnists who
oppose these Resolushens all want to
marry a nigger.
Resolved, That Dr. Petts, in rentiu
a part nv his bildin to niggers, hez
struck a blow at the very foundashens
Fello whites, arowz! The inemy is
onto us! Our harths is in danger!
Wen we hev a nigger for Judge — ■
niggers fer Teechers— niggers in pulpits
— wen nigger rool and controle sosiety,
then will you remember this warnin !
Arowz to-wunst! Rally agin Con-
way! Rally agin Sweet! Rally agin
Hegler ! Rally agin Hegler's family !
Rally agin the porter at the Reed
House ! Rally agin the cook at the
Crook House ! Rally agin the nigger
widder in Yance's addishun! Rally
agin Missis Umstid ! Rally agin Missis
Umstid's children by her first husband !
Rally agin Missis Umstid's children by
her sekkund husband ! Rally agin all
the rest uv Missis Umstid's children !
Rally agin the nigger that kum yister-
THE NASBY PAPERS. 13
day Rally agin the saddle-kulnrd
girl that yoost 2 be hear! Amcriky
for white men!
Petroleum V. Nasbt.
14 THE NASEY PAPEEf
HAS AN INTERVIEW WITH
Washinton, Joon the 1st, 'C2.
I am in Wasbinton. I stand under the
sbadder uv the temple nv Liberty, and
am reposin my weary lims in the kool
shades uv Freduin. But I can't realize
that this is the saim Wasbinton I yoost
to visit. I yoost to go from Pennsil-
vany to the kappytle wunst a yere to
git my stock uv Dimocrisy recrootid,
and to find out wat we wuz expectid to
bleeve doorin the kumin yere, thus get-
tin full 6 inunth abed uv my nabers. I
wuz wunst electid gustis of peese in
Berks county, by knoin nearly a yere
in advanse wat we wuz to vote fer that
ortum. They thot Nasby wuz a smart
2 resoom. This is not the Wasbinton
THE NASBY PAPERS. 15
that wunst I knode. Oar kappytle is
now a Ablisbn kamp. The brite sun
reflex glittrin raze frum shinin baynets
— the ere is horrifi.de with the rumble
uv kannon wheels, and the iren-shod
war-steed klatterz on the stony street.
The slaiv-pens, them proud moniments
uv the sooperiority of the Anglo-Sack -
sun race, hez bin swep away, and with
them the haft uv the Dimocrisy. O !
my kontry ! Wher is Tooms, and
Taney, and Wigfall? The lofty domes
of the kappytle don't re-ekko no moar 2
ther sole-inspirin voisis. Ez I reflek
that these pillers of Dimocrisy aint hear,
and wat is wuss that they dassent kum
here — that these place that knode em
wunst will kno em no moor forever, my
manly buzzuin throbs with sorrer, and
my prowd form is bowed in anguish. O
thow fell sperit uv Abolishnizm, thow
hast much to anser fer — mucher than
thow canst anser. Wood that I cood
hev thee owt uv these sakrid precinks,
and with gentil stranes woo back them
ez we hev lost. Avant thow grim and
nasty cuss — my stumick heeves whenecr
I think uv thee. .
16 THE NASBY PAPERS.
2 resom. I kum hear to see Vallan-
dygum — I huutid him up, and last nite
we mingled our goys and sorrers in a
talk that last 2 ours. We had a bottle
uv koncentratid kontentment, and after
disposin uv a suffishensy thereof, Yal-
landygum commenst: —
"Nasby," sez he, " we're in a fix."
" Yallandygum," sez I, "to wich do
yoo elude — our distractid kountry ?"
" Nary," sez he, " I wuz a speekin uv
myself, and the rest uv us. Them's my
" Sagashus man," sez I, " youm rite.
Politerkilly we're ez bad off ez our
friends in Fort Warm is personally —
we're in a tite place."
"Yes," sez he, "and we must git out.
We must carry Ohio this ortum."
" Certingly," sez I, " but how?"
41 1 hev," sez he, " the plan uv the
campane fixt. Fustly, we must oppose
the holesail votin by niggers."
"But," sez I, "no niggers votes in
" Nasby," sez he, a puttin his thum to
his nose, " a man uv straw is the eeziest
THE NASBY PAPERS. 17
knockt down, especially ef yoo hev set
him up yourself fer the perpus uv
kuockin uv him down. Secondly, the
immense emygrashen uv niggers into
Ohio must be prohibytid."
" But," sez I, " no niggers air comin,
er hev any noshun uv comin in2 Ohio."
" 3rdly," sez he, " the alarmin amal-
gamashun uv the races must be prohib-
" But," sez I, u ther 's no amalgama-
shen north uv the Ohio river."
u 4thiy," sez he, M the idee uv allowin
the nigger to stand on a equality with
the whites, must be squelcht ."
" But," sez I, " noboddy wants 'em to
be our ekals."
11 5thly," sez he, " no nigger must ever
be allowd to hev offis in Ohio."
■ But," sez I, " nobody wants the nig-
ger to hev offis."
"Nevermind, Nasby," sez he, "nig-
ger is our trump card — we must lead off
with it. Taxes is a good dodge, fer no
man likes to pay taxes, and we must
work em up on that. After nigger,
18 THE NASBY PAPERS.
compromise is our best holt. Ef by a
fair, ekitable compromise — "
"To-wit, givin our Suthern brethren
all they want," murmured I —
"We kin end this unnateral war,"
continnered be, " wicb bez tored up the
foundasbens uv liberty, and rent the
proud old Dimekratik party in twain," —
" Into 2 twains," sighd I, like a ekoin
"And reskoo the guverment from the
jobbers and spekulaters who now con-
trole it, and put it into the hands of pure
men — "
" Sech ez Floyd, and Bright, and we,"
eejestid I, smilin sweetly.
" Then," continnerd he, a wettin his
lips at the mouth uv the bottle, " we will
not hev labered in vain. To do this and
bring back the fraternal feelins uv yoar,
this bluddy war must cease. Oh, Nas-
by, the dimekratik staits is bein invadkl,
the homes uv our Suthern brethren is
bein violatid, ther niggers and house-
hold gods is bein torn from em, and on-
less we kin stand between em and rooin,
will they, wen peese is restored, take us
THE NASBY TAPERS. 19
back and give us the politikle cruros
they cant use ? Nary."
It was past 3 o'clock, wen I part id from
that trooly grate man. He give me a
gineral outline uv the plans uv the con-
fedrits, and red me letters he had re-
seevd from Tooms, Davis, et settry.
Petroleum V. Nasby.
20 THE NASBY PAPERS.
ANNIHILATES AN OBERLINITE.
June the 21, '62.
I wuz onto my way to Columbus to at-
tend the annooal gatherin uv the fathe-
iul at that city, a dooty I hev religusly
performed fer over 30 yeres. Ther wuz
but wun seet vakent in the car, and onto
that I sot down. Presently a gentleman
carrying uv a karpit bag, sot down be-
side me, and we to-wunst commenst
conversashen. After discussin the crops,
the wether, et settry, I askt wher he re-
" In Oberlin," sez he.
"Obcrlin!" shreekt I. "Oberlin!
wher Ablishnism runs rampant — wher
a nigger is 100 per cent, better ner a
white man — wher a mulatto is a obgik
uv pitty on account uv hevin white blood.
Oberlin! that stoncst the Diuickratik
TH3 NASBY PAPERS. 21
prophets, and woodent be gathered under
Vallandygum's wings as a hen kawk
gathereth chickens, at no price— Oberlin,
that gives all the profits uv her college
to the support uv the underground rale-
" But," sez he.
"Oberlin," continyood I, "that
reskoos niggers, and sets at defians the
benifisent laws fer takin on em back to
their kind and hevenly-minded masters
" My jentle frend," sez he, "Oberlin
don't do nuthin uv the kind. Too've bin
misinformd. Oberlin respex the laws,
and hez now a body uv her galyent sons
in the feeld a fightin to manetane the
" A fightin to maintane the Con-
stooshn," retortid I. " My frend" (and
I spoke impressivly), " no Oberlin man
is a doin any sich thing. Oberlin never
fit for no Constooshn. Oberlin commenst
this war, Oberlin wuz the prime cause uv
all the trubble. Wat wuz the beginnin
uv it. Our Suthrin brethrin wantid the
territories — Oberlin objectid. They
wantid Kansas fer ther blessid instoosl n
22 THE NASBY PAPERS.
— Oberlin agin objecks. They sent colo-
nies with muskits and sich, to hold the
terry tory — Oberlin sent 2 thowsand arm-
ed with Bibles and Sharp's rifles — two
instooshns Dimocrisy cood never stand
afore — and druv em ont. They wantid
Breckinridge fer President — Oberlin re-
fused and elektid Linkin. Then they
seceded, and why is it that they still
He made no answer.
" Becoz," continyood I, transfixin him
with my penetratin gaze, " Oberlin won't
submit. We mite 2-day hev peece, ef
Oberlin would say to Linkin, ' Resine !'
and to Geff Davis, ' Come up higher !'
When I say Oberlin, understand it ez
figgerative fer the entire Ablishn party,
uv wich Oberlin is the fountin hed.
There's where the trubble is. Our Suth-
ern brethren wuz reasonable. So long
ez the dimocrisy controld things, and
they got all they wanted, they wuz peece-
able. Oberlin ariz — the dimocrisy wuz
beet down, and they riz up agin it."
Jest eggsactly 80-six yeres ago, akord-
in to Jayneses almanac, a work wich I
perooz annually with grate delite, the
THE NASBY PAPERS. 2u
Amerykin Eagle (whose portrate any
wun who possessis a 5 cent peece kin be-
hold), wuz born, the Goddis uv Liberty
bein its muther, the Spirit uv Freedom
its sire, Tomas Gefferson actin ez physi-
cian on the occasion. The proud bird
grovvd as tho it slept on guano — its left
wing dipt into the Pasific, its rite into
the Atlantic, its beek thretened Kanady,
while his niagestic tale cast a shadder
ore the Gulf. Sich wuz the Eagle up to
March, '61. "Wat is his condishin now ?
His hed hangs, his tale droops, tber's no
strength in his talons. Wat's the trub-
ble ? Oberlin. He hed bin fed on nigger
fer yeres, and hed thrived on the diet.
Oberlin got the keepin uv him — she with-
holds his nateral food — andonless Ober-
lin is whaled this fall, down goes the
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
24s THE NASBY PAPERS.
SHOWS WHY HE SHOULD NOT
August 6, 1862.
I SEE in the papers last nite, that the
Government hez institooted a draft, and
that in a few weeks, sum hundred uv
thousands uv peeseable citizens will be
dragged to the tented feeld. I know not
wat uthers may do, but ez fer me, I can't
go. Upon a rigid eggsaminashen uv my
fizzlekle man, I find it wood be wus ncr
madnis fer me 2 undertake a campane,
1. I'm bald-headid, and hev bin obliged
to ware a wig these 22 yeres.
2. I hev dandruff in wat scanty hair
still hangs around my venerable temples.
3. I hev a chronic katarr.
1 HE NASBT PAPEES. 25
4. I hev lost, sence Stanton's order to
draft, the use uv wun eye entirely, and
hev cronic inflainmashen in the other.
5. My teeth is all unsound, my palit
aint eggsactly rite, and I hev hed bron-
keetis 31 yeres last Joon. At present I
hev a koff, the paroxisms uv which is
friteful 2 behold.
6. I'm holler-chestid, am short-wind-
ed, affd hev alluz hed panes in my back
7. I am afflicted with kronic diarrear
and kostivniss. The money I hev paid
fer Jayneses karminnytiv balsam and
pills wood astonish almost ennybody.
8. I am rupcherd in 9 places, and am
entirely enveloped with trusses.
9. I hev verrykose vanes, hev a white
swellin on wun leg and a fever sore on
the uther — also wun leg is shorter than
tother, though I handle it so expert that
noboddy never noticed it.
10. I hev korns and buuyons on both
feet, wich wood prevent me from marchin.
I don't suppose that my political
opinions, which are ferninst the prosse-
kooshn uv this unconstooshnel war, wood
26 THE NASBY PAPERS.
bev any wate with a draftin orfiser, but
the above reesons why I cant go, will, I
maik no doubt, be suffishent.
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 27
Brest, Kanada West,
August 20, 1862
After more advenchers than wood fill
a book, I am here in Kanada, safe under
the protectin tail uv the British Lion,
where no draftin orfiser kin molest nor
make me afraid. Halleloogy !
I never shood hev taken this step, or
rather, the succeshun uv steps that brot
me here, hed a good, sound, constooshnel
docter bin appinted Medical Eggsami-
ner, fer I hev twict ez menny diseases ez
wood hev eggsemptid me, but I wuz
afeerd the Eggsaminer wcodent see em,
ez he aiut much uv a physician anyhow,
besides, he votes the Union tickit, and
hez, uv coarse, prejudisis. The Commis-
sioner is a goory ALlislmist, and besides
28 THE NASBY PAPERS.
I owe him a store bill wich hez stood
8 years. I protest agin all sick appint-
1 left in company with 5 other invalids,
wun nite a little after the " witchen hour
uv 12 M.," ez Shakspeer hez it, and any
wun beholdin our faces wood hev bin
satisfide that sum " church -yard yawn-
ed" jest previously. We travel d all nite,
"sustained and soothed by an unfaltrin
trust" in a bottle which I, with my usual
4site, took along, with 2 and 1 third
yards uv bolony sassige, which I alluz
use ez a thirst -provoker. We met no
interrupshen till we got within 5 miles
uv Toledo (which we did by 5 P.M., uv
the next day, wich permit me to remark,
was good travelin fer sich debillytatid
cusses), when we wuz stopt by a pickit
gard uv the " Anti-draftin Invalid
League," who remarkt, " Who goze
there P" " A invalid," sez I. " A Peece
invalid," sez he. " Ther aint no other
kind," sez I ; whereupon sez he, " yooi*
a man uv sence," a fact uv wich I hed bin
long aware. I presentid my liqwid con-
ciliator, when he informed me that Toledo
wuz closely watcht, that escape by
THE NASBY PAPERS. 29
steemer was impossible, and that a small
bote was our only chance. He took us
to the lake shore, furnisht us a bote, and
jest as the golden sun wuz a sinkin be-
hind the golden horizon I bid my nativ
I need not dwell upon the perils uv
that terrible passage. Suffice it 2 say
that, fer invalids, we rowed well, and
finally landed at the little village uv
Brest, wher we now air.
200 Peece men are here, and I must
acknowledge that we are not treeted with
that distinguished consideration usually
accordid political eggsiles. Fer instance
at the tavern where I board, the parler
is partikelerly plesent, and I wuz a settin
into it. In trips a girl, purty enuff fer
a man whose taste was not vishiatid 2
eat. " Shel I shet down this window,
sir ?" sez she. " Why shet it down, jentle
maid ?" retorts I, lookin sweet onto her.
"Because," replide she, "I thot, per-
haps, the draft was too much fer ye."
A few slavish Kanajens who set there,
laft. The landlord required a month's
pay in advance, and a further deposit uv
25 cents per eggsile, as sekcority fer the
30 THE NASBY PAPERS.
pewter spoons, wich we hev at table.
To cap the climacks, last night a big
nigger was put into eech of our rooms,
and we were forced to sleep with em, or
okkepy the floor, which I did. The cns-
sid nigger laft all nite, in a manner
trooly aggravatin to hear.
PeTROLEUjI Y. Nasby.
P. S. — Tell my wife to send sich mo-
ney as she earns to me, as livin is high,
and ther aint no tick. The township can
support her and the children.
THE NASLY PAPERS.
IS FINALLY DRAFTED.
Camp uv the 778th Ohio Kidnapt
Oct the 17, 1862.
I am here, clad in the garb uv slaivry !
Nasby, clothed in a bobtailed bloo coat,
a woolin shirt and bloo pants, with a
Oysteran muskit in his hands, a goin
thro the exercise ! Good hevings ! wat
a spectacle !
The draft was over, and I thot that
wnnst more I'd visit my native land.
Gaily I stept abord the bote that was to
carry me from British shores — gaily I
say, fer my money had given out
some weeks afore, and I hed earned a
precarious subsistence a sawin wood in
pardnership with a disgustin mulatto,
and I lookt forwerd with goyful antise-
32 THE NASBY PAPERS.
pashens to the time when I shood agen
embrace Looizer Jane (the pardner of
my buzzum), and keep my skin perpe-
tooally full uv the elickser uv life, out uv
herwashin money. Goyfully I sprang
off the bote onto the wharf at Toledo,
when a hevy hand was laid onto my shoul-
der. Twas a soljer ! The follerin conver-
sashen ensood ;
" Wat wantestthow, my jentle friend ?"
" I want yoo, my gay Kami j en."
" On wat grounds ?" retordid I.
" On the ground uv eloodin nv the
draft," sez he.
"Yoor mistaken," sez I, " I'm a ab-
lishnist — a emissary. I hev bin a spred-
in the bred uv life among the poor kulerd
brethrin in Kanady, and am jest return-
in to run thro another lot. Let me
pass I entreat thee, nor stay me in my
good work." (This wuz strategy.)
" Not much," sez he. "I know better.
Yoor a butternut."
" How knovvst thou ?" sez I.
" Yoor nose," sez he. " Thatbucheus
beekun lite was never got oat uv spring
" Yoor knowledge of men and things
THE NASBY PAPERS. 33
is too much fer me. I confess and sur-
render at discreshun — do with me as
And he did. I wuz led out to camp,
and wuz allowed to volunteer to fite
against my convikshens — against my
brethren, who hev taken up arms in a
rightous coz. So be it. Hentz-lth the
naim uv Nasby will shine in the list uv
Amid the dark, deep gloom that envel-
laps me, wun ray uv light strikes me. I
hev seen the eleckshun returns, and
when I seed em I yelled Hallelogy ! Me
and another victim of Linkin's tyranny,
who is a Dimekrat (he wuz a postmaster
under Bookannon, and wen removed by
Linkin dident give up the balance uv
money he hed on hand, fearin twood bo
used to subvert our free instooshns, hed
a jubilee. We smuggled a bottle uv con-
denst ekstasy, and celebratid muchly.
"The North's redeem'd !" showtid I.
" Let the Eagle screme !" yelled he.
" The Quakers have votid !" showtid I.
11 Ablishnism dead !" screemed he. " Di-
mociisy's triumphed !" laft I, and so on,
34 THE NASBY PAPERS.
until after midnite, when, completely
eggsaustid, we sank into slumber, with a
empty bottle atween us.
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
P.S. — Tell Looizer Jane that I may
never see her again — that shood it be
my fate 2 perish on the battle-feeld, amid
the rore uv battle and the horrors uv
missellaneous carnage, my last thot, ez
life ebbs slowly away shel be uv her, and
ask her ef she can't send me half or three-
quarters uv the money she gitsfer washin,
cz whisky costs fritefully here.
P. Y. N.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 35
DESERTS— HIS EXPERIENCE IN
Camp uv the Looisiana Pelicans,
November the 1, 1862.
I hev deserted, and am now a soljer uv
the Confederacy. Jest ez soon ez our
regiment struck Suthrin sile, I made up
my mind that my bondage wuz drawin
to a close — that I wood seeze the fust op-
pertoonity uv escapin to my nateral
trends the soljers uv the sunny south.
Nite before last I run the gard, wuz shot
at twice (reseevin two buck-shot jest
below the hind buttons uv my coat), but
by eggstrordinary luck I escaped. Had
infantry bin sent after me I shood hev
bin taken, for I am not a fast runner,
but the Commandent uv the Post wuz
36 THE NASBY PAPERS.
new at the biznis, and innosently sent
cavalry. Between the hossis they rode,
and the stoppin to pick up them ez
coodent stick onto ther flyin steeds, I hed
no difficulty in outrunnin em.
At last I encounterd the pickits uv
the Looisiana Pelicans, and givin myself
up ez a deserter from the hordes uv the
tyrant Linkin, wuz to wunst taken afore
the Kernel. T must say in this con-
neckshun that I wuz surprised at the
style uv uniform worn by the Pelicans.
It consists uv a hole in the seet uv the
pants, with the tale uv the shirt a wavin
gracefully therefrom. The follerin col-
loquy ensood :
" To what regiment did yoo belong?"
" 776th Ohio."
" Volunteer er draftid ?"
" Nasby, Petroleum V."
I notist all this time the Kernel wuz
eyein my clothes wistfully. I had jest
drawd em and they wuz bran new. Sez
the Kernel :
" Mr. Nasby I reseeve yoo gladly ez a
rccroot in the grand army uv Freedom.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 37
Ezyoo divest yoorselfuv the clothes uv
the tyrant, divest yerself uv watever
lingrin afFecshuns you may hev fer the
land uv yer nativity, and ez yoo array
yerself in the garb uv a Suthrin soljer,
try to fill yer sole with that Suthrin
feelin that anymates us all. Jones," sed
he, addressin his Orderly, " is Thompson
dead yit ?"
" Not quite," sez the Orderly.
" Never mind," sez the Kernel, " he
cant git well uv that fever; strip off his
uniform and give it to Nasby, and berry
I judgd from the style uv the uniforms
I saw on the men around me, that I wood
rather keep my own, but I sed nothin.
When the Orderly returned with the
decest Thompson's uniform, I groaned
innardly. There wuz a pare uv pants
with the seat entirely torn away, and
wun leg gone below the knee, a shoe
with the sole off, and the straw he had
wrapped around the other foot, and a
gray woolen shirt. Sez the Kernel :
" Don't be afeerd uv me Nasby. Pat
on yer uniform rite here."
38 THE NASBY PAPERS.
Reluctantly I pulled off ray new dub-
ble-soled boots, and I wuz petrified to
see the Kernel kick off the slippers he
wore, and pull em on. I pulled off my
pants — he put em on, and so on with
every article uv dress I possest, even to
my warm overkote and blankit. Sez the
"These articles, Nasby, belongs to the
Guvment, to which I shel akount fer
them. Report yoorself towunst to Capt.
Ez I passed out, the Lootenant-Ker-
nal, Majer and Ajitent pulled me to wun
side, and askt me " ef I coodent git
three more to desert." Wun glanse at
their habillyments showd why they wuz
so anxious fer deserters.
I candidly confess that Linkin takes
better care uv his soljers than Davis does.
The clothin I hev described. Instid uv
reglar rashens we are allowed to eat jest
whatever we kin steal uv the planters,
and ez mite be expectid we hev becum
wonderfully expert at pervidin, but ez
the Pelicans hev bin campt here three
months, the livin is gittin thin. Yet a
THE NASBY PAPERS. 39
mnn kin endoor almost anything fer
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
40 THE NASBT PAPERS.
CAPTURES A TURKEY.
Camp tjv the Looisiana Pelicans,
Nov. the 15, 1862.
Nasbt still lives, tho T must say its
rayther tite nippin. The servis uv the
Suthrin Confedriey wood be ez pleasant
ez any military life cood be, were it not
for three things to-wit :
1. We hev notlim to eat.
2. Cur clothes is designed more for
ornament than use, consistin cheefly uv
holes with rags around em — an appro-
priate summer costoora, butraythcr airy
for this season.
3. Our pay is irregelar, and not jest
ez good in quality ez cood be wished.
Per instance. Our regiment hazzent
reseevd a cent lor 8 months, and ther
THE NASBY PAPEES. 41
wnz mucli grumblin wicb cum to the.
ears uv the Kernel.
" The men murmur do they," sed he to
his Ajitent. " Their complaints is just,
and they shel be paid their just dooze.
Is ther a printin offis in the town ?"
" Ther is," retorts the Ajitent.
" Go take possession uv it in the name
uv the Confedrit States and seezewatever
paper he may hev on hand. The faithful
Pelicans must be paid."
The next day every wun uv the men
hed his haversack stufft with money,
each wun takin ez much ez he judgd he
cood use. It does very well except that
it gives the grocery keepers much trou-
ble, as they take it by weight — a $lbein
wuth ez much ez a $20, ceptin that the
$20 is a trifle the largest, and weighs
A incident. I wuz out on pikkit dooty
in the immejit visinnity uv a planter's
barn, who hed bin suspectid uv Union-
ism. I saw a turkey, capchered it, and
indulged all the way into camp into the
pleasant idee that, fer the first time in
two months, I wood hev a stumic-dis-
42 THE NASBY PAPERS.
tendin dinner. Ez I entered camp I
met the Kernel, who, ez his eagle eye
caught the proud bird I held spoke,
" Ha ! a turkey. Wher gottist thou
"Icapcherd him at Johnson's," re-
" Fat and young," mused he, feelin uv
him, and then lookin up thus he did say :
" My venerable patriot" (he allooded to
my gray hairs), " this bird belonged to a
Union man, and all sich property taken
by the army belongs, uv coarse, 2 the
Goverment. Too will 4th with take it
to my quarters.''
Not hevin eaten anything fer 18 hours,
I determined to make wun effort for my
turky. Sez I, " Admittin the bird be-
longs to the Goverment," sez I, " I may
retane him, I suppose, by payin his
valyoo," and I tendered him a handful
uv the money we hedreseevd that mornin.
" Not so fast, my aged hero," sed he,
" the Guverment needs turkeys more
than it does money. Money we kin
make, but yoo must be aware, that with-
THE NASBY PAPERS. 43
out a material alterashen in our ana-
tomikle structure the uiakin uv a turkey
by us is a impossibility. Leave the pro-
perty at my quarters." # # #
That nite I passed the Kernel's quar-
ters. There wuz a sound uv revelry
within, and the odor uv a Thanksgivin
dinner assaild my nostrils. The next
mornin I saw the Kernel's dorg a chawin
the bones uv that Goverment turkey.
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
44 THE NASBY PAPEES.
IMPROVES HIS FORTUNES BY
Camp tjv the Looisiana Pelicans,
November the 11, 1862.
I am here and mizrable !
I am not less than 213 per cent, more
mizrable nor I used to be !
I consoomd 2 hours uv the Suthrin
Confedracy's time, and a 12 foot board,
assertainin the eggsact increese uv
misery wich I am engoyin. With the
Wen I wuz draftid I wuz not particu-
larly dissatisfied. My posishen wuz bc-
comin precarious. Looizer Jane (the
wife uv my buzm) had cut off my sup-
plies, and wuz a wastin the money she
resccvd for wash in, on bread and clothes
THE NASBY PAPEKS. 45
fer the cbildern, and misunderstandins
and coolnisses ensood. I whaled her in
the afternoon when she wuz tired, and
she whaled me in the mornin, when she
wuz fresh. Had I expendid the energy
and strength consoomd inwhalin Looizer
Jane in choppin cord-wood, ] mite hev
ownd a farm. I then tried the credit
system, but the unamity with wich the
bar-keepers all remarkt that " that thing
wuz played out," wuz trooly surprisin to
Knowin that I cood at eny time desert
to my Suthren frends, I felt satisfied at
bein draftid. Sence my enrollment in
the ranks uv the Pelicans, the romance
uv the thing hez departid. Nothin 2 eat,
nothin to wear, no money, and hard work.
This is our fix. The plump, rosy Nasby
is no more — anserin 2 his name is a lean
indiviggooal, upon whose nose a bullet
cood be split.
I determined to better myself by mar-
riage. The idee wuz sejestid by our
second corpral, who interdoost me 2 a
wilder lady who lived jest out uv town —
46 TIIE NASBY PAPERS.
the owner uv 2 thousand akers. The
akers inspired me, and I prest my soot
with vigger and arder. In a week the
thing wuz dun. I caught the regimental
chaplin sober enuff wun nite, and we wuz
Fer a day I wuz a happy man. I con-
templatidMY plantashen and wept teers
uv goy. Suddenly my happinis bustid.
The Sargent informed me that my wife —
the future sharer uv my goys and sorrers
— wuz a octoroon, one 8th nigger ! —
that she wuz a slave left in charge by
her mistress, and that the corpral did it
jest fer a goak ! A purty goak to play
upon a Dimckrat ! Nasby marryin a
My views hev changed on the slavery
question. Amalgamashen is the cuss uv
slavery. The blacks hev bleached and
bleached, until it is almost impossible to
distinguish the slave from his owner.
Wen the mix becomes wuss, wat then ?
Wen the slave is ez white ez his master,
wat are yoo goin to do ? Slavery, like
a man with a tape- worm, hez within itself
THE NASBY PAPERS. 47
the elements necessary to its destruction.
Amalgamashen is the tape- worm uv
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
48 THE NASBY PAPERS.
CONVERSES WITH A SOUTHERN
Camp uv the Looisiana Pelicans,
December the 11, 1862.
I hed a conversashen tother day with a
fellow-defender uv the rites uv the South,
wich rather startled me. I wuz aholding
4th with my yoosual ability on the bles-
sidnis uv slavery, and wuz, of coarse,
quotin Levy from skripter to defend my
position. A member uv our company
interrupted me by remarkin thatNacher
lied spiled a great rascal in me, by not
contribbitin a suffishent amount uv
brains, lie continued his remarks :
" Nasby," sez lie, " I know slavry is a
enss — a onmittygatid cuss. I lied IS
liiggera and they kept me as poor as a
THE NASBY PAPERS. 49
skiin milk cheese. The hogs eat the
corn, the niggers eat the hogs, and I
lived on what they left. To defend my
property in these niggers we seceshed
and startid a new Guvment. The new
Guvment took the corn, the hogs, the
niggers, and finally took me. My oldest
dawter run off with wun defender uv the
flag, my wife with another, and my
youngest children is livin with sum
niggers 2 old for the Guvment to take.
I've had my share uv rites, I hev. Ef
there's any more comin to me, give em
to some poor person as needs em. I'm
jest more 'n rollin in a perfooshn uv
that kind uv wealth."
" But," sez I—
" Ther aint no huts," sez he. " Yoo
're a Northern man, and don't hev nig-
gers. Don't defend nigger. Ef I hev
the itch I may sware that itch is a good
thing, but wat sence is ther in yoor
swarin it onasked and fer nothin. Sech
stratejy borders closely on lunacy. Let
us squeeze our own biles — don't yoo do
it gratooitous. Appolygize fer yer ow:i
sins — don't shoulder ourn. I may be
50 THE NASBY PAPERS.
mean for my own profit, but to act dirty
fer another man's use, and hev him kick
ye fer doin it, is a lick ahead uv my corn-
prehenshun. Durn all sech men."
And he stawkt indignently away.
I hev reseevd more letters from frends
in my wunst happy but now distractid
borne than I kin anser separately. I
shel do it all to-wunst, thus :
John M. — Shoemakin would be a
splendid biznis here, only ther aint no
leather. Practice haff-solin with straw
before you start.
W. G. — The pay uv a member uv the
Mississippi Legislater is $6 per diem,
evry day, paid in Confedrit 30 per cent,
bonds, redeemable at the pleasure uv
the Guvment any time within two cen-
turies. Come along. Almost anybody
kin git ofns in this state.
P. N. — Ther is a good openin fer a
Watchmaker here. I am the only me-
chanic in this section uv Mississipy. I
fixt the kernals watch yisterday — forged
a mane-spring out uv a baynet, and fer
a chnne used a fiddle-string. It don't
jjst keep time, but cz it ticks it ansers
THE NASBY TAPERS. 51
to bet on poker. Fetch sum lard ile —
tar won't work on watches even in this
Amos. — The success uv our Guvment
is shoor. Finances hez trubbled us, but
our Sekretary uv the Treasury hez
bought 2 fast printin presses, and a lot
up a paper on tick, and we now git all
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
52 THE NAS13Y PAPERS.
Feb. 27, '62,
A man who duz things frimi prinsipple
kin stand a good deal. I kin. Sustain-
ed and sootlied by an unfaltrin trust in
the rychusnis uv the Suthrin coz, I stuck
to my beluvd rejyinent, the Loozeaner
Pelikins, with a tenassity wich I did not
dreme I possest. But ther is a pint be-
yond wich human nacher can not go. I
endoored hunger and cold — I saw the
rags drop off my muskeler limbs wun by
wun — I murmered not. But, wen the
pantaloons wnz awl gone — wen my cos-
toom was a blanket and wun shoe — I
applide fer ncAv pants, and the Quarter-
master onfeelingly remarkt that my
THE NASBY PAPERS. 53
dress wuz all rite ; that hereafter my
costoc-Hi wuz to be adoptid ez the uni-
form uv the rejyment — I felt that deser-
shun wuz no longer a crime, and I de-
serted. It is entirely onnessary to re-
kount awl I endoored in inakin my
eskaip. Suffice is to say that at Colum-
bus I stript the klose off uv an innebrya-
tid solger, and maid my way to Amanda
township. My old Dernokratic Mends
did not kno me, and ez I expected to
bony money uv them I deemed it best
not to make myself knone.
They were suspishus uv my bloo kote,
at fust, until wun uv them remarkt how
I likd the serviss?
To wich I anserd, " Dam the serviss !"
" Don't admire fitin fer the nigger,
" Not any," sez I.
" Why not desert ?" sez he.
" I hev deserted," sez I.
In a instant the aspeck uv things wuz
changd. A jug wuz prodoost, and they
awl shook hands. "Wun, more richer nor
the rest, handed me a treasury note uv
$10, sayin, " You may need it."
54 THE NASBY PAPERS.
I replide that, as a general thing I
wood hev nothin to do with any paper
that bore the babboon likeness uv the
usurper and tyrent Linkin, but under
the sirkuinstances I wood endoor it until
I cood get it changd into Injeany niunny.
They took up a kollekshun to-wunst, fer
my benefit, which amounted to $43.
Jest at this pint wun uv em asked me
to what rejyment I belonged.
I replide the Loozeaner Pelikins.
" Loozeaner !" sed another, " why
that's a Confedracy rejyment aintit?"
" To be sure," sez I.
" And air yoo a deserter frum a Suth-
rin rejyment ?" sez the benevelent old
butternut who hed invested $10 in the
" Sartin, 1 ' sez I.
Scezin me by the throte, he ejackelated,
" Give me my money you swindler !"
And with a unanimity trooly surprisin
they awl yelled, " Give me my money
you swindler — you got it under false
Hevin the munny safe in my pokkit,
I took these compliments with ekanimity,
THE NASBY PAPERS. Go
sidlin out and gettin away ez soon ez
I am disappointed in Amandy. Frum
wat I had heard I hed supposed they
were kind to deserters. I found that it
makes much diffrense wich side you de-
Petroleum Y. Nasey.
56 THE NASBY PAPERS.
ASSISTS DRAFT REGISTERS,
In the Hats.ds uv Linkin Hirlliks,
Hoskinvill, March 26, '63.
I AM in durance vile. Wirast more the
tree uv liberty is uprooted in my per-
son — wunst more hev the unrightous
tools uv the monster Linkin seized my
venerable form and incarcerated it in a
basteel. So menny times hev I bin im-
prisoned fer opinion's sake that eflkin
get a pardner with capital, I shel go into
the marterin biznis. But 2 my narra-
shen. When the news reechd me uv the
bold stand made by the heroes uv Hos-
kinvill, in opposition to the draft, I de-
termined to throw myself " in2 the dead-
ly and imminent breech," cz W. Shake-
THE NASBY PAPERS. 57
spcer hez it. I made my way to Hoskin-
ville, "wuz resetved with the wildest
entlioosiasm by the patriots ther assem-
bled, and wuz to- wun st placed in com-
mand uvthe forces. It wuz a proud day
fer Nasby ! Before me stood, leaned and
laid (akordin ez they hed emptied their
canteens, which wuz all filled with new
fitin whisky), two hundred uv the brave
sons of Hoskinvill, from the rich, hory-
headed farmer (uv whom I promptly
borrerd SO odd dollars), to the gay and
sportive yooth uv 16, all consoomd with
onquencaable arder. I drilled sech uv
them as were suffishently sober to keep
their feet, nigh onto two days, amoozin
ourselves into the intervals with passin
resolooshens denouncin Linkin, and
pled- in ourselves to resist even un2
At last our scouts brot us intelligence
that two companies uv bloocoated hire-
lins wuz within 9 miles uv u^, approachin
at the rate uv one and a half miles per
hour. " Ha !" shout id I, " the foe ! they
comest ! Now men uv Hoskinvill and
visiunity, show yourselves men !" Ac-
cordinly another meetin was immejitly
58 THE NASBY PAPERS.
organizd, Chairman and Sekretary ap-
pointid, and a resolution passed, pledgin
the nieetin to resist even un2 death, the
proseedins to be published in all the
Dimekratic papers. We adjourned, and
I wuz about drawin on em up in line uv
battle, and wuz instructin uv em to hold
the muzzle uv the gun from instid uv
toward theirselves, when they fired, and
wuz explainin to others the necessity uv
puttinthe powder down the barrel before
the ball, and makin sech other arrange-
ments ez a wise and prudent commander
determined to conker or die, would, when
suthin like a dozen uv em ejakilates :
Drawing myself up to my full Intel
" Gineral," sez one uv the oldest, " we
are not advantajesly postid. Wood it
not be better on the hill," sed he, pintin
to a very high hill jest cast of the town.
1 perseevedata glance the strategik im-
portance uv the position, as the enemy
was approachin from the west, and I or-
dered the men to deploy by squadrons
in open right file platoons, and okepy the
summit. Never wuz a order obeyed with
TUE NASBY PAPERS. 59
greater alacrity. I Lev a reputashen
fer speed — I kin rival the courser and
outstrip the jentle gazelle, but they shot
past me like a arrow. Their enthoosi-
asm carried em to the top uv the hill,
and how much further I hev no menes
uvknowin, ez when I reached the top uv
the hill not wun uv the resisters wuz in
I wuz arrested that nite. In vain I
protested that I wuz a Methodist preach-
er sellin fruit trees — my nose wich
blossoms ez the lobster and a copy uv
the Noo York Day Book I hed in my
pocket wuz against me, and I wuz to-
wunst confined. Myfeelinsis hurt.
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
60 THE NASBY PAPERS.
May 15, '63
Dimocrist liezn't ez many hobbies now
ez it used to Lev, and it is somewhat
difficult to keep the people strung up the
proper pitch. Nigger is all the capital
we hev left, and its rayther tough work
to keep the old machine runnin. In Uni-
on and Orange their blood dident bile
when 1 told em that 40,000 niggers wuz
on their way to that section — nary bile.
So I hed recourse to strategy. Last Fri-
day nite I prokoored some lamp-black
and lard-ile, and applyiu it to my classic
countenance, and my labur-staned hands,
transformed myself into a villainous
contraband. Then I proccedid after
night to the south end uv the township,
and at day-light com inenst goin north.
TIIS NASBY PAPERS. Gl
The skeem workt beautiful. At every
house the follerin conversashen would
" Hello, Cuff, wher yoo from ?"
" Tennisee, massa."
" Wher you goiu ?"
" I'se gwine to stop sum'ers 'obut
" Who sent you North ?"
" Kurnel Nibliu, and de ablishners ob
" Dam Niblin and yoo too. Git !"
Wich I alluz did. Then goin back I'd
take another road, stealin sich trifles ez
shirts and stockins, and usin sich other
means uv arousin our people 2 a realizin
sense uv the cuss uv a floatin nigger
populashen, ez sejestid themselves to my
uiind. It became a serious thing though,
fer on the fourth day so many hed seen
me, that they reely sposd the nigger in-
vashen had commenst and they hunted
me. I run a mile, and findin they were
gainin on me, darted into the woods,
washed, and come out ez the original
Lord! what an enthoosiastic meetin
we had that night. Their faith in the
62 THE NASBY PAPERS.
nigger invasion lied bin shaky, but it
was now firm. They had seen em. Wun
had seen 3S that day, uv wich number
he wuz proud to say he had killed 5. 1
larfed innardly, but held my peece. De-
sepshen is justifiable now and then. I
kin do it. I only borrered $4 in Union.
Petroleum V. Nasby.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 63
ADDRESSES THE SOLDIERS.
At a meetin uv the manejers uv the
ginoowine Dimocrasy, consistin uv the
immortle J. N. Free, the illustrious Yan-
daldigum, and myself, it was resolved to
ishoo a address to the soljer uv the Cum-
berland. Yanclaldigum hevin failed in
the habus corpus biznis, is employin his
spare time inamusinof hisselfin Fort
Warm, wicli is near Boston, while J. N.
is viggerusly marterin uv hisself fer the
saik uv trooth, wich is ideotik. The
dooty there4 devolves upon me.
Soljers of the Cumberland : Ez indivi-
dooels hevin votes, I esteem you — ez in-
vaders uv Dimokratic States, ez men en-
gaged in the slawtrin Dimocrats by the
1000, ez bloo koted tools uv. a abolishn
despotism, I can not smile on you ap-
Sum uv you wuz Dimokrats, who,
64 THE NASBY PAPERS.
without contemplatin the konsekences
to the party, volunteerd. Faytle error !
— incomprehensible stoopidity ! And I
regret 2 lern that, notwithstandin we
hev told you over and over that it is a
Abolishn war, you laff at our solium
warning, and nienny uv you hev tumd
We warned uv the evils that wood
naterally foller Abolishn victoris. To
show you that we proffeside correctly I
call yure attenshun to the follerin strict-
ly Dimokratic fact:
Since the commensement uv the war
the addishn uv niggers to northern Ohio
hez bin ez folloze :
Wood (in cuiisekens uv bein
in gim Ashly's deestrik) . . . 84,000
Lorane (wich is near Oberlin) 103,000
[All uv wich is studyin fer the minis-
try, drawin cavelry cap tin's pay and
rash ens, till they gradooS, incloodin 2
white servants, each.]
And so on ad infinytum. These nig-
gera are workin in sitooashens yoO wunst
okepied. The taler shops, blak smith
THE NASBY PAPEES. 65
shops, shoe shops, and stores is all filld
with these noosencis fresh from Suthrin
plantashens. So yoo see that while they
hev seezed upon yure labor, you air taxt
by a nigger-luvin Government to support
them in idlenis. But there is moar fax :
Number uv soljers wives who
died uv starvashen in Han-
kok county, last week, 1,253
Besides 1 small wooman they did not
count. And all this time (my blud biles
when I think uv it), the entire nigger
popelashen is bein fed on briled sirline
stake stufft with oysters. 238 white men
hev man-id black fern ails, within 2 weeks,
also 803 white wimmin to black men, all
in the corporashen uv Wingert's Corner,
the Guverment payin license, preecher's
fee, and the bridle outfit, incloodin
furnytoor to start 'em howskeepin.
It is useless to multiply instancis.
Tou are eckspoosin yure lives and helth,
just 2 set free a army uv shiftlis niggers,
who wont work, and who by takin yoor
plasis on the farms and in the workshops,
will prevent yoo from ernin a onist livin
wen you git back.
Soljers, remember these things wen yoo
06 THE NASBY PAPERS.
vote tins fall. Under Dimokratic rule,
wen the Sowth roold us percisely as they
wantid, 2 awl wuz peese. We kin hev it
agin on the saiin terms, with perhaps the
payin uv the expensis they have incurred
in manetanin uv their rites, payin pen-
phuns 2 the widders uvthem yu hevwik-
kidly slane, et settery.
Soljers ! you kin emansipate yure-
selves. Shoot yer offisers, throw down
yure arms, and cum hoam. The old
party is in danger, and without you it'll
go to rooin a canterin. Shel any feelin
uv pride in yure country deter you frum
comin wen yure party is in peril ? I can
not beleeve it.
Petroleum V. Nasby.
Fer hisself and collegues — 1 uv hoom
is in a abolishn basteel, a studyin " Pul-
pit Polly tiks," and the uther a going
round missellaneusly a marterin uv his-
THE NASBY PAPERS. 67
ORGANIZES A DEMOCRATIC
Joon 6, 18G2.
Nitthin liez dun so much agin the
Dimocrisy ez churches, skool-houses,
Sundy-skools, preachers and sich. Here,
our people hev awoken to the dangerous
tendencies uv sich instoofhns, and hev set
about viggerously to suppress 'em. Ez
this work is what my hart dclites in, I
organized the pious portion uv the Dimo-
crisy, that we mite do our work well and
thorough. When my jigantic intellek
hez a chance, the work is shoor to be
well done, and I hev the satisfaction uv
announsin the complete destruction uv
two churches, the drivin off 5 preachers,
and the frightnin uv many wimin.
But my mission is not alone to tear
68 THE NASBY PAPERS.
down — I bild up. The ijee segestid itself
to my fertile mind that a strikly Dime-
kratic Church and Sundy Skool wood
not only help the cause, but afford me an
easy livin. It wuz dun, and 1 am reglar-
ly installed ez the paster uv the first
Dimekratic Church uv Ohio.
The follerin is the order uv exercises :
1. People assemble at the second
tootin uv the horn.
2. Readin uv one uv the follerin pas-
sages uv Skripter : — 9th chapter uv Jen-
ny sis, wich relates thecussin uv Canaan,
provinthatniggers is Skriptoorally slaves,
and the chapters about Hayger and
Onesimus, wich proves the Fugitive
Slave Law to be skriptooral. (The rest
uv the Bible we consider figgerative. and
pay no attenshun to, watever.)
3. Singin — " O we'll hang Abe Linkin
on a sour apple-tree," or some other im-
provin ode, hevina good moral.
4. Readin extrax from the Noo York
5. Singin — " O John Brown's body
hangs a danglin in the air."
6. Reading from the Day Book.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 69
7. Lecture on whatever phase uv the
nigger question may seem approprit.
We hev also organised a Sundy Skool
on a pure basis. I spent much time in
getting up a katechizm, uv wich the fol-
lerin is a sample :
Q. Wat is the cheef end uv man ?
A. To whale niggers and vote the
Dimekratic tikkit for ever.
Q. Wat do the Skripters teach ?
A. That a angel sent Hayger back to
her mistress, that Paul sent Onesimu3
back, and " Servance obey your masters."
Q. Who wuz Onesimus and Hayger ?
A. Onesimus wuz a mulatter, and
Hayger a octoroon.
Q. Wat is sin ?
A. Skratchin a ticket.
Q. Who compose the Dimocratic
A. Yallandygum, Brite and Fernan-
Q. Wat is the first duty uv man ?
A. To beware uv Ablishin lies, to
rally to the poles, to vote early, and to
bring the agid, the infirm and the ide-
70 THE NASBY PAPERS.
To stiinoolate the infant mind I hev
institootid a system uv reward ez fol-
For committin 2 verses uv Yallandy-
gum's address, 1 beer check, good at the
Corners ; 5 verses, 2 checks ; 12 verses,
4 checks ; and to the child hevin the
most verses, a copper-mounted butter-
We had a festival yesterday. The
tables wuz bounteously spred with bo-
lony, liver-worst and crackers, wile a
barl uv native whisky furnisht the
nooids nessary. It wuz a tetchin site to
see the mothers, with maternal solissi-
tood, a mixin Nacher's Great Restorer
with water and sorgum surup, to adapt
it to the infantile stumick. Fer my
part I alluz take mine strait.
I bleeve good will be accomplisht.
Last week in makin a pastoral visit jest
about noon to the house uv wun uv my
flock who hez fine poultry, I wuz amoos-
ed at hearin a meer infant only three
years uv old, swinging his little hat, and
cry, " Hooraw fer Jeff. Davis." It wuz
tetchin. Pattin the little patriot on the
THE NASBY PAPEES. 71
head, I instantly borrowed five cents uv
his father to present to him.
Petroleum V. Nasby.
72 THE NASBY PAPERS.
GOES ON WITH HIS CHURCH.
Church tjv St. Valandygtjm.
June 10, '62.
We Led a blessid and improvin time
yisterday. My little flock staggered in
at the usual hour in the mornin, every
man in a heavenly frame of mind, hevin
bin ingaged all nite in a work uv mercy,
to-wit : 2 mobbin uv 2 enrollin officers.
One uv em resisted, and they smote him
hip and thigh, even cz Boh ash smote
Jaheel. 'Skriptooral, wich is nessary,
bein in the ministry.) He wuz left for
We opened servis by singin a liym,
wich I writ, commencin ee follows:
THE NASBY PAPERS. 73
" Shel Diggers black this land possess,
And mix with us up here ?
Oh no, my friends, we rayther guess,
We'll never stand that 'ere."
I then held forth from this text : —
" Whar hev ye laid him ?" I statid that
the person I referred to wuz the marterd
Yallandygum, and I, in behalf uv a out-
raged Dimocrisy, demanded uv the ty-
rant Linkin, "Whar hev yoo laid him?"
A unconverted individdooal sed, " He's
laid him out !" wich remark cost him
a broken head. I went on to show why
our saint hed bin martered. It waz be-
coz he wuz a Dimocrat — becoz he dared
to exercise the rites garanteed to every
American, exceptin Ablishnists and
niggers, aboosin the Guverment. Fer
this and nuthin else wuz he eggsiled.
"My friends," sez I, drawin myself up to
my full hite, and lookin as much like
Fernandy Wood ez possible, " I am
willin to be martered. I denounce this
war as unholy, unconstooshnel, unright-
eous, and uninittygated, It is nuthin
less than a invashcn uv Dimocratik
states, fer the sole purpus uv freein nig-
74 THE NASBY PAPERS.
gers. Linkin is a tyrant, Burnside a
tool, order 38 a relik uv barbarism, and
I will resist the enrollment, the con-
skripshen, and the tax. Hooray for
Our class-meetin wuz more interestin
than ever. One old, white headed bro-
ther sed that at times his way wuz dark,
and his pathway gloomy. Wnnst he
wuz very near becomin a infiddle. He
reely believed at one time that the nig-
ger was human, and wunst he voted fer a
Republican road Supervisor. But he
hed repented, and was, he trusted,
forgiven. His mind wuz now easy, and
he should vote the whole Dimocratic
Two backsliders who scratched their
tickits last fall confest their sin, public-
ly. I exhorted em two hours, fined em
a gallon uv whisky apeece, and took em
into full communion. The whisky will
be devotid to the missionary service,
wich is me.
This is a delitcful feeld of labor. At
the Corners they give me sech flooids ez
I need, at nil the doggeries but one, and
at that one they trust me, wich amounts
THE NASBY PAPERS. 75
to the same thing. I hev horrid uv my
flock over 60 dollars already. It is a
rich feeld, and wun wich will endoor
much workin. My nose is deepnin in
color every hour.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge,
76 THE NASBY PAPERS.
STARTS A PAPER.
Church uv St. Vanlandigum,
June 30, '63.
I AM back in the midst uv my flock. I
coodent be a marter. The Fedral orfisers
dismist me with the insultin remark
that I wuz 2 snial pertaters to notis.
Hevin time on my hands, and feelin
that I'm Kvin in vane onlcss I am doin
suthin fer the grate coz, I hev determined
to ishoo a paper, devoted to disseminatin
my vews. I ishood my prospcctusses
to-day, uv which the follerin is wun :
TO THE PURE DIMOCRICY!
PROSPECTUS UV THE "MARTER AND
TIRENT REGISTER !"
Orgust 1st, the undersined will ishoo
THE NASBY PAPERS. 77
the fust number uv a paper bearin the
aboVe title, devoted to the interists uv
the pure Dimocrisy. To inshoor the
fatheful just sech a paper ez they need,
the follerin able writers hev bin ingayjed,
regardlis uv expence : —
On arbitrary arrests — Petroleum V.
On habis corpuss — P. Y. Nasby.
On nigger — P. Volcano Nasby.
On vilashens uv Constooshnal rites —
This brilyunt gallacksy uv intellect,
under the edytorel controle uv Petroleum
The " Marter and Tirent Resister" will
support Yalandigum, and while givin the
Guverment a harty support in puttin
down the rebellyun, will uv coarse op-
pose — .
Coercin the secedid staits ;
Invadin the secedid staits ;
Raisin armiz by volunteerin ;
Raisin armiz by draft er conscripshen ;
Raisin meensby tax er tariff;
Arrestin uv men fer sympathisin with
the Southern Dimocrisy ;
Arrestin uv enybody fer enything;
78 THE NASBY PAPERS.
The usin uv niggers ez soljers;
The usin uv white men ez soljers;
Evrything the Administrashen hez
dun, is doin, er may hereafter do.
It will viggerously advokate —
The Constitooshn ez it is ;
Yallandigum's doin away uv the Con-
The Union ez it wuz;
Yallandigum's plan fer dividin the
Union in2 4> parts :
The eleckshen uv Yallandigum;
The eleckshen uv troo Dimekrats to
good payin offises ;
The enforsement uv the laws;
The resisting uv conskripshen and en-
Morality and good order;
Themobbinuv Methodis, Presbyterin,
Luthrin, Brethrin, and uther hetrodox
I appele confidently to the Dimocrisy
fer support. The actooal, ginooine prin-
siples uv Dimocrisy need a able defend-
er, and I'm the indenticle individooal.
Mi hole sole is in the coz, and I am pee-
cooliarly fitted by cddicashen and taists
fer the posishcn.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 70
I blecve tlie speckelashen will pay
hevy. My church welkomed me back
with a corjality trooly affectin. They
held a Festivle on my return, to which
the Sundy skool skolars wuz present. I
unbendid myself, and kist em onct
apeece, takin a nip uv corn essense
at ween times, wich wuz nessary. Mis-
takin a mother fer her infant, the in-
fooriated husband assaulted me. I wuz
reskood afore much damij wuz dun. A
speshl church meetin will be held too
considder his case.
Petroleum Y. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge .
80 THE NASBY PAPERS.
PREACHES AND MAKES A
Church uv St. Valandygum,
July 7 th, '63.
T preached last Sunday from the text,
" Break every yoke and let the opprest
go free." I went on to show that this
text had no reference whatever to nig-
gers. Niggers was ordained 2 be bond-
men from the very day Noah took a
overdose uv the Great Happyfier, and
oust Canaan. But the text, like the
Deklarashen uv Independense, and the
ever blessid Constitooshn, wuz made
solely fer white men. It hed undoubted
reference to the payin uv debts. "Wat
heavier yoke is ther than notes ? and
who is more opprest than he who pays
THE NASBY PAPERS. 81
ten per cent. ? " Burn yer notes, an J
let yer debtors go free," wood be a more
correcter readin uv the passage.
In our bizuis meetin in the afternoon,
the question uv the draft wuz considered.
It wuz plain that the enrolement cood
not be prevented. The enrolein orfisers
hed managed to do it, and it wuz a ser-
tinty that every name atwixt 18 and 45
wuz down. And we were all so satisfied
that the draft cood be enforst, and there4
it behooves us to make it ez light ez pos-
sible, more espeshly, ez when wun uv us is
draftid, he will hev 2 go, not hevin the
nessary 300 dollars. It is here ez it is in
all excloosively dimecratic communities,
the grocery keepers absorb all the capi-
tal. The follerin resolutions were past :
Whereas, Our nachen is involved in
a horrible, fratrisidle war, the same bein
unholy and waged solely 2 free the nig-
ger and enslaiv the white man, wich is
therefore our duty to oppose the same,
therefore be it
Resolved, That we are in favor uv
raisin our quota by volunteerin, and here-
by urge the same.
Resolved, That we consider the ern-
82 THE NASBY PAPERS.
ployment uv niggers ez soljers ez not
only justifiable, buthighly commendable.
Resolved, That a committee be ap-
pinted to sekoor the settlement uv 2
hundred families uv niggers in this town-
ship, excloosivly fervolunteerin purposes.
The resolooshens wuz past, and the
The very next day we heerd uv Yicks-
burg and Gettysburg. I to-wunst blew
the horn and got my flock together — told
em the news, and offerd the following re-
Whereas, Our beloved country is in-
volved in a bloody war aginst rebels and
(A old man interrupted me sayin
11 W-h-a-t ?" Payin no attenshen, I
And in sich a crisis the dooty uv every
troo citizen is to sustain the Guverment,
therefore be it
Resolvd, That theDimocrisy, are, ez
they alluz hev bin, in faver uv a viggerus
prossekooshen uv the war.
Resolvd, That our confidence in the
great Vallandygum is unabated, and
blecvin him to be the only actooal war
THE NASBY PAPERS. 83
man in Ohio shel give him our harty
Resolvd, That the reports uv troubles
in Ohio and Ingeany is lies, got up to
deseeve the people.
The resolooshens wuz past, tho I had
to tell em twice to vote for em. "We im-
mejitly hunted up 2 enrollin orfisers who
we tarred and feathered sum weeks ago,
jest after Hooker wuz defeated by Lee,
at Chanslerville, wen we spozd our
Suthern brethrin wood triumph, and giv
em a public dinner. Ef all the leaders
of the Dimocrisy were ez sagashus ez me,
the old party wood hev smooth sailin.
Alas ! how few hev the gigantik intellek
uv Nasby ! I hev written to my trends
advisin em to shift ez soon ez possible.
Petroleum Y. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church in charge.
84 THE NASBY TAPERS.
OBSERVES A DAY OF FASTING.
Church tjv St. Yanlandighjm,
Yesterdy wuz set apart by my congre-
gasben, ez a day uv fastin and humilia-
slien fer our misforchnnes at Gettizberg,
and the loss uv Port Hudsen and Vix-
burg. I ishood the follerin direxshens
fer the proper observance uv the fast,
1. Nip before breckfust not 2 eckseed
2. Fer breckfust no animil food per-
mitted, ceptin ham and eggs, beef, etc.
3. Fer dinner, ditto, supper same ez on
4. Beer 2 be taken by the single glass,
and pre tz el 2 be cten without salt on em.
5. These rules to be void in the case
THE NASBY PAPEIiS. 85
uv peepil over 35 and invalids, who may
liev tber sustainin flooids ez usual.
I preecht fruna this text, " O mi sole
why art thow cast down." I told em we
wuz cast down becoz uv Meed's wbippin
Lee, becoz uv Grant's takin Yixburg, and
Banks' takin Port Hudson. That's
what's the matter with us. That's what
hez cast a shadder over owr countnansis,
and changd the hew uv our nozis from
the brilyunt crimsun to the gastly bloo !
The flattrin hopes uv a successful inva-
shen uv the North is dasht — likewise the
releef uv Yixburg, and now to fill our
cup uv sorrer, Jon Mor gin's command is
destroyd. But still my frends ther is a
silver linin 2 evry clowd, wich is poetry.
There is wun ray uv hope, amid all this
gloom. I allood 2 the late constooshnal
demonstrashens in Noo York. Ther wuz
a victory. The draft books wuz destroy-
ed and the draft wuz stopped. But ther
wuz a bigger triumph than stoppin the
draft. Niggers wuz killd— the prowd
Anglo-saxn riz in his mite and stoned the
niggers ! Halleloojy. At this pint sum
uv the awjence becum sleepy, and to
arowsc them I becum faseshus. Why,
86 THE NASBY PAPERS.
sez I, wuz the Dimocrisy who niauld the
riggers in Noo York, a most ennerjetic
and perseverin people ? Becoz, anserd I,
they left no stone unturnd 2 effect their
purpus. The ijee uv interdoosin con-
undrums in2 the pullpit is orijenelwith
me. I closed by exhortin uv em too
stand firm. Ef we kin elect Yallandigum
we may yet check the Fedral Guvment
in its victorus carere. With Ohio all
rite fer constooshnal rites, the game uv
subjoogashen wood be playd out. Let
us, sed I, never falter nor faint, but press
onnard 2 the mark uv our hy callin. Ez
the Isrelites threw down the walls uv
Gerryko by blowing ram's horns, so kin
we by blowin our horns throw down the
walls uv this Abolishn Gerryko. Blow
your horns, my breethrin, for whoso
bloweth not his own horn the same shall
not be blown, but whoso bloweth his own
horn the same shall be blown with a
We took a enumerashen uv owr church
with a vew to the draft, with the follerin
Hole number uv male members, 200
Over 45, 50
THE NASBY PAPERS. 87
Under 18, 50
Badly rupckerd, and uther-
wise diseasd, , 92
Gone to Canady 2 visit ther
YVe air esy in our minds on this subjic.
Petroleum Y. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
83 THE NASBY PAPEES.
Chtjech uv St. Yalandygum,
July 27, '63.
I hev jest returned from a visit to our
persekootid saint Yalandygum. The
marter wuz holdin a resepshun at the
Clifton House, wen I arrove. He caught
site uv me ez soon ez I entered the room,
and he rusht in2 my arms, and droopin
his head on2 my heavin buzin, weept
" Marterd saint !" scz I, with a voice
tremulous with emoshen.
" Sufferer fer truth !" sez he, and then
this trooly grate man whispered, "Jest
keep in thisposishna minnit — the artist
uv the Noo York Illustratid Flapdoodle
is makin a sketch uv us," wich we did,
standin locked in2 each others arms, and
THE NASBY PAPERS. 89
weepin profoosely fer 15 minits. It wuz
exhaustin and tiresum, but fer the cause
I endoord it. The picter will appear in
next week's Flapdoodle, headed " The 2
grate minds uv the Age! Affectin
meetin uv Yalandyguin and Nasby !"
The matter akompnyin the picter will
be written by Yalandygum and myself,
he writin wat relates 2 hisself, and I wat
relates 2 myself. "We kin do ourselves
justis. .After the Eastern delegashen
hed gone thro the serrymony of kissin his
feet, wich cleaned em, he dismist em, and
we wuz alone.
"Nasby," sez the great C. L., " how is
things in my nativ state ?"
"Squally," sez I.
" Wat wuz the pervalin sentiment uv
the people as to ray eggsile P"
11 They was extreemly glad uv it."
" The akount uv my prostrashen — my
untold suffrins, et settry, wich I hed
publisht in the papers; did that not af-
fect them ?"
" Yes, they laft."
"Did not the affectin akount uv the
wife uv my btizm, and my cherub babes
90 THE NASBY PAPERS.
a jinin me here 2 share my lonely
eggsile, move em ?"
" Nary move."
" Nasby, the peeple is stun. But I'll
fetch em. Nil despritrando is my motto."
After a few moments uv profound
silence, heresoonid. " I must be Guvner,
fer how else kin we prevent the subjuga-
shen uv the Dimekraticstaits. Elect me
and therd be no more trouble about drafts,
onless we shool git involved in a war
with the Unite 1 States. The Confedracy
wood be recognised, Ohio wood go with
the South, and slavery wood be inter-
doost, and as we woodenthev eny further
use for em, poor men woodent be allowed
to vote, making me perpetooal Guvernor.
Nasby, we must succeed."
" Gertinly. Bat we're in a tite plais.
Oor speekers is embarist. It takes a
gigantik intellek to bring the pints
2gether. A anicdote. A spritcly boy
wunst put 200 eggs in a nest fer a hen to
set on. Sez his maternal mother, ' My
son why puttistthou so many eggs under
the hen ? She canst not kiver em.'
' Certinly she canst not, but thunder, I
want to see her spread herself.' Jest so.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 01
Our speakers are in the same fix. The
outside egg in the Diinekratik nest is
opposition to the war. Tother side uv
the nest, 200 eggs distant, is the support
uv the war. To kiver em all requires
great stretehin capasity."
" Troo, 2 troo. But we must mix it
and trust to luck. In loyal counties
stuff em with dilooted patriotism — in
our counties pure secesh. The people
is jest ez gullible nowez ever they wuz."
I left the patriot and sage much com-
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
92 THE NASBY PAPERS.
CONFESSION OF FAITH.
Church tjv St. Vanlandygum,
We hed the glorusist kind uv a seesun
yisterday. The winders wnz opend and
a showr uv pure Dimecratic grace de-
sended upon us and we wuz blest.
Glory ! "We reseevd into our Zion 18
young men who reseevd the faith by in-
heritance, ther fathers hevin alluz voted
the strait ticket. The follerin is the
Confeshun uv Faith too wich they sub-
scribed : —
Question — Dostest thow bleeve that
Canaan wuz doomd to bondig becoz uv
Noer's gettin tite ; that Ilayger and
Onczimus prove the skriptoorality of the
fugytiv slaiv law ; that taken ez a hull
they show that the ketchin uv niggers
THE NASBY PAPERS. 93
with dorgs is cominendible aud evange-
Dostest thow bleeve that the present
war is unconstooshnel and unholy ; that
it wuz brot on by the Abolishnists inter-
ferin with slaivry ; that the bombard-
ment uv Sumter wuz rite, tho hasty ?
Dostest thow bleeve that Linkin is a
tyrent and usurper; that he hed no rite
too subjoogait the sowth ; that his callin
out troops wuz unconstooshnel; and
that everything hehez dun, since the
war begun is likewise unconstooshnel ?
Dostest thow bleeve that Yallandigum
wuz sent in2 the world to save the
Dimocratic party ; that in doin it he
wuz arestid at Dayton, tride afore
Ponteus Burnside, and sent sowth ; that
after 3 months he riz agen in Canydy,
whense he shel cum ez soon ez hese
electid, and Pooh goes after him with
300 thousan ?
Dostest thow take the Crisis ?
Dostest thow bleeve that the Sentrel
committis is the sole dispenser uv opin-
yun, and wilest thow alluz yawp wen
94 THE NASBY PAFEES.
Dostest tliow bleeve tliat skratchin a
tikkit is the onpardonable sin ?
Dostest tliow bleeve that this war
wnz got up to free niggers, and that to-
day Linkin hez 75,000 niggers in Ohio,
a feedin on fride oysters and hot punch ?
Dostest thow bleeve that Lee is the
greatest gineral uv the age, and that all
reports uv Fedral victries is lies ?
Dostest thow bleeve Ben Butler's a
beast, and Hamlin a mulatter ?
"Wiltest thow pledge yurself 2 oncom-
premisinly oppose yure sisters marry-
ing niggers, no matter how much they
want to P
2 all uv these questuns the candi-
dates anserd, " I dost." Bro. Tuttle ex-
tendid the rite hand uv fellowship—
Bro. Huff sold eech uv em a copy uv
Vallandigum's Record, and after mak-
ing a (xj to their names, wich I hed pre-
vusely written in our church book tha
wuz made members uv my flock.
The coz is prosperin. We commense
a series uv revival meetins next week,
and hev made cxtensiv prepparashens
therefor. 10 barls uv condenst Dimo-
THE NASBY PAPERS. 95
cvisy, 20 barls uv beer, and 300 yards uv
bolony hez bin pervided. Ther will be
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
Paster uv the sed Church, in charge.
THE NASBY PAPERS.
PREACHES— SUBJECT, "GIVEN."
Church tjv St. Yanlandigum,
September 21, 18G3.
I peeeched yisterdy frum this text :
" Yerely I say unto yoo, it is uioar bles-
seder toe give that toe reseeve." — Joab
17, 313 to 21, incloosiv.
The inspird liter hed, no dout, the
Dimccratic party in his mind's I, wen he
rit them wurds of wisdom. Experence
hez shode the trooth uv them sentens,
and ef it hadent youd be bound to
bleeve it, coz I, yoor paster, sez so, wich
is Dimocrisy. To illustrait we shell
1. Wat is givin?
Givin is givin, wich is a suffishently
THE NASBY PAPEES. 97
cleer explanashen fer all practikle per-
2. Wen shood we giv ?
This pint reqwires raoar eloocydashen.
We must giv alluz, fer it is moar bles-
sider toe give ner toe reseeve. The
Dirnocrisy hez alluz bin scriptooal in
this partikeler. Wen the Sowth wantid
Misoory, we giv it. Wen she wantid a
Fugytiv Slaiv Law, we giv it. Wen she
wantid Texis, and Kansas, and Nebras-
ky, we give it, halleloogy. Wen she
wantid Bookannon, we giv it, and wen
she demandid Duglisses hed, we giv it,
fer it is moar blessider to give ner it is
3. Why shood we giv ?
Becoz it pays. So long ez the Dimo-
crisy hed the power uv givin all wuz well.
The Sowth hevin all it wanted wuz eon-
tentid, and evrythin went on smooth and
plesent like. Nacher intendid em to
rool, and us uns to serve, and we wuz
satisfide, and so wuz they. Such offisis
ez wuz benethe em, they tost to us, and
all wuz peese. It wuz normel.
4. Wat hez bin the consekencis uv not
03 THE NASBY PAPERS.
My frens, seest thou yon Post orifise?
A abolishnist sets there. And woe is us
the plasis we onct did fill all ore the
land, we fill no moar. And wuz. Ther
is war — the North hez rebeld aginst the
Diinocrisy, and to-day, yoor sons is
being dragged to the tentid feeld, to be
offered np a sakrifis to the fell sperit uv
" not givin." Oh, my frens, we stumbled
ourselves. We faild to giv wunst, and
that failyour wuz fatle. Wen we in our
pride defidc the Sowth at Charleston, we
sinned, and air now payin fer it. O lied
we all yoonited in given, then — hed we
follered presedent and got down into the
dust, then all woold hev bin well.
We dedooce from the forcgoin the
follerin grate trooth, to-wit, viz : Suffrin
allnz toilers sin. Nether duz the sinner
git the price uv his sin. The demon uv
Abolishnism, er Not Given, which is
sinonymus, held afore the eyes uv Duglis
the dazzlin prospeck uv Northrin votes.
Butlo! wen Duglis hed took the fatel
step, the votes wuz Linkin's, and the
Post orfises wuz Linkin's, and the Diino-
crisy supped on sorrer, and brekfasted
THE NASBY PAPERS. 99
Thcr is, my brethren, a Levy cuss on
Not givin. " Wo unto yoo fer a stif-
necked and rebelyus people." Abiram
31, 5, xlp. In the originel Rooshen it
is " stif-backt" instid uv "stif-neckt,"
wich makes it inene Massychusetts. They
wood never bend a inch, they hed no
limbernis, and with hed up, instid uv
down — with backs strate, instid uv curv'd,
they insisted on bein men ez well ez
Yirginny, thus forcin the Sowth to take
up arms to bend em into ther nateral
My frens, this war is a effort on the
part uv the Sowth to put down the rebels
aginst the grate prinsiple uv Given.
That's all they want, and wen they git it
they'll stop, I make no doubt. Then
breethrin, let us pray fer their sukcess —
let us imytait our marterd saint, Yan-
landigum, who is a exel far away, and 2
the xtent uv our ability ferther the grate
coz. Let Noo Ingland be got under,
Sumner, and Waid and Giddins, and
Gim Ashly, and Oin Luvgoy, hung — the
grate Davis President, with Fernando
"Wood and Vandaldigum in his Cabynit,
then will ther be for us peece, and har-
100 THE NASBY PAPERS.
raony, and good will, and post orfises.
Let wat I Lev sed sink deep in2 yoor
hearts, wen the contribooshen box cums
around, remember that "it is moar
blesseder 2 give than 2 reseeve." So mote
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 101
VISITS CAMP DENNISON TO ELEC-
TIONEER FOR VALLANDIGHAM.
Church tjv St. Yalandigum,
October 1, 1863.
Feelin it a sakred dooty I oad the coz
uv Dimocrisy and fre speech (on awl
subjeks not interferin with Dimocrisy
ez it hez bin, ez it is, or ez it may be), I
visyted Camp Dennyson, which is naimd
after a Abbolishnist, to use my stentorin
voyse fer Yanlandigum, among the pay-
rold prizners. It wuz a bammy mornin
in September, wen I arriv, and procoorin
admishen, I set to work to onct. Noticin
a cupple nv duzen uv a playin poker, 1
cent anty, I j edged by a instink I hev
that ther wuz a gud field fer sowin dimy-
cratik seed. Advansin, I sed, "My
friends !" " Wat," sel wun uv em, takin
102 THE NASBY PAPERS.
advantij uv the interrupslien to slip a
ace er 2 up his koat sleeve.
" My frends," sed I, " I cum 2 yoo es
a possel uv peece, and I umble advokait
uv Dimocrisy, and that persookootid
angil, Yanlandigum, —
"Five aces, Jimuel," sed the person
who fust sed " Wat" to me, " I take the
pile, coz yu no yu cant bete five aces,"
and sweepin the munny, he remarkt 2
me, "now parson wat didyu say?"
" I cum," sez I, " in behaff uv the out-
raj id Vanlandigum, who is a exel far
I found that the sileov Camp Denny-
son wuz altogether 2 stouy to maik
preeching for Yanlandigum and fre
speche veryplesent, fer no sooner hed the
wurds left my lips than a showr uv stuns
assaled me, wun that felt cz tho it wayd
a tun prostratid me. A seriz uv outra-
jis wuz then perpetrated wich beggers
deskripshun. I wuz peltid with offensiv
eggs, and rotten cabbig, and decayd
pertaters, in fact at wun time the air
wuz so full uv eggs, that I might hev
thot, hed I bin poetikle, that the blessid
sun wuz a mammuth hen, badly diseazd,
THE NASBY PAPERS. 103
and a layin rotten eggs a milyun a miimit.
Finelly, wun nv em sez, " Boys, we aint
the prizners this feller's after. Johnson's
Island's wher he want to go to find his
frends." "Yes," sed another, "and to
git thair yn go by water," whereupon
three frends seezed me and draggd me
thro a hoss troff 15 er a hunderd times.
Then they pourd cole ile over me, and
wnz a goin to set afire to dry me, ez they
scd, but I,broak and fled, pursood by
1000 uv these infooriatid demuns. I
finelly eseapid by passin myself orf ez
Horris Grecly, onto a party uv em who
I am at present confind to my bed,
sustanin myself by takin dosis uv ter-
backer joose from J. Davis' spittoon, di-
looted with whisky. It inwiggoraits me.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
104j the nasby papers.
IN THE " APOSSEL BIZNIS."
May 6th, 1863.
The sole uv Nasty's foot knoze no rest.
Eternal viggilence is the prise uv lib-
berty, and a old Dimecrat whohez never
skratched a tikkit, and who never spiles
his likker by dilooshn, kin work in these
perilus times. I am engaged in organi-
zin Sieties on the basis uv the Union ez
it wuz, the Constitooshn ez it is, and the
nigger wher he awt to be. This imploy-
ment soots me — the apossel biznis I like.
Brot into continooal contack with the
best uv Dimecrats, I hev the run uv a
thowsan jugs— pay regler and libral—
fasilitiz fer borrerin unek ailed — I am
kontent, I send a few extras frurn my
Mundy,2d. — Kum intoWhartensberg
afoot. Wuz resecved with entbooziasm,
THE NASBY PAPERS. 105
invited to drink 20 times in ez nienny
minits, which invitashens I acceptid,
solely fer the good uv the coz. Hevin
cast-iron bowils I survived the trial. I
found here a order called the " Limit,"
wich is a good thing. Hed a meetin, and
added the oaths to resist drafts and shel-
terin deserters, and after exhortin uv
them to stand by Yalandigum, borrered
thirty dolers and a clene shirt, and de-
partid. [Poskrip. — The clene shirt I
borrered fruin a line about 9 P. M.]
Toosdy, 3d. — Houktown wuz the next
pint. Dimecrisy all rite to opperate on.
Never wuz in a place in wich nigger wuz
so hated and feerd. They hev a holesum
prejoodis agin evrything black. Wun
old patriark shot all his black sheep,
paintid a black boss red, and his dawter,
a gushin majen uv thirty-too, askt the
obgik uv her affeckshins too dy his raven
lox white. A roomer that a Provo Mar-
shel wuz in the visinity did the job fer
him in a single nite. Found him well
organizd. Addrest em at length, showin
conclusivly that hed Linkin resined in
faver uv the hi-mindid Davis, we shood
never hed this war. That sech acomper-
106 THE NASBT PAPERS.
mise, and tbe follerin consessions, wood
liev averted blud-shed, to-wit :
The rite uv suffrage to held only by
slave-owners and sech ez they may de-
The repele uv awl tariffs ceptin the
wun on sugar.
The fillin up uv Boston harbor.
The suppreshun uv the Triboon.
The hangin uv Giddins, Waid, Ashly,
Summer and Oin Luvgoy.
I dwelt at length on the horrers uv
amalgamashen, and closed with an elo-
kent appele to stand by Yanlandigum
and pure Dimocrasy. Borrered three
dolers on a prommis to remit, wich I shel
do sum time after next Preidenshel
eleckshin. I maid the wictim ezy, by
given him my note. Wen men can be
made comfortable by simply a note, I
alluz do it, if they furnish paper. Bene-
volens is a prominent trate in my karic-
"Wensdy, 4th. — Van Buren wuz my
next pint. The Dimocrisy here hev their
lamps trimd and burniu. They indoost
more soljers to desert than any in the
county ceptin Amandy and Union. I
THE NASBY PAPERS. 107
organised a branch sosiety to wunst. A
blessid feelin prevades here. They jest
more than hate niggers, and morn twen-
ty babies hev bin named Yalandigum
within six munths. One enthoosiastic
old Butternut named a femail infant
Yallandigainia, and another named his
boy J. N. Yalandigum Olds Woods
Bright. The boy hez a strong con-
stooshn and may live. Things is worhin
in Allen. I borrered only 8 dollers uv
the fatheful, which I shel pay wen 1 uv
my rich uncles pegs out.
I shel percedeto Unyum and Orange
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
Paster uv sed Church in charge.
108 THE NASBY PAPERS.
Church uv St. Valandygtjm,
October 14, '63.
I'm sad — and waxed. My hed is a fountiu
uv teers, and mine eyes distil dilootid
corn-joose. My hart is lead, and my
sole is pot-bellied with greef. My lims
ake with woe, my manly form is bowd,
and my venrable lox is turnd white. O,
Valandigum, thow hast gon to the grave,
and in the same tooni is berrid all my
hopes. Adoo, vane world, adoo ! I'll be
The fait uv the people uv Ohio is seeld.
Our chosin standev-barer,
is not only a exile far away, but ther is a
THE NASBY PAPERS. 109
cheerful prospek, wicb is daily improvin,
uv his continnerin in the exile biznis fer
an indeffynit peryood uv time. A ty-
rannikle Presydent hez taken our old
old habis corpusses from us, and persis-
tenly refuses to furnish us new wuns —
and the people hevin acqwiest by their
votes, we lay bound hand and foot. Men
fleein from conskripshen and sich kin be
seezed and dragd in2 slavery — cavelry
drest 'in obdus bloo hez license to hunt
the pantin fugitive, who, after drawin his
bounty and pay, changis his mind and
desires to return to the buzem uv his
family, and the shootin uv enrollin orfi-
sers and tax assessors will now be con-
siderd a crime. Alas !
The news affected me variously. I
bed our township all fixt, hevin distrib-
uted tikkits, and knowin nun uv em
cood skratch em, ez they don't rite enny.
I reseeved the returns with a gratifide
smile. " Bless yoo, my children, you
hev dun nobly," sez I. Presently a cur-
rier arrived, bringin the disturbin in-
tellygens that the Northern countis giv
Bruff 30 thowsen, and 2 minnits there-
after another arrived statin that the
110 THE NASBT PAPERS.
Suthrin countis had got loonatik and
given Bruff 35 thowsend. With a
harterendin and sole tarin shreek, I fell
a inannymait corps on the flore. * *
* * I awoke. A oder uv suthin natrel
filled the room, givin me life agin. It
.wuz whisky. The worthy woman to
whose house I borde, hed bin rubbin the
soles uv my feet with a jug, and givin
me small dosis uv the Restorer thro a
funnel. Her exershens restored me to
life agen. I presume the fact nv my
owin six months board did not nerve her
frajile arm. It was revrens.
Despondent and weery uv life, I at-
tempted sooiside. I mixt my liker fer a
day; I red a entire number uv the
Crisis ; I peroozed " Cotton is King,"
" Pulpit Polly tiks," and " Yalandigum's
Record," but all in vane. Ez a last
desprit resorce, I attemptid to pizon
myself by drinkin water, but that
falcd me. My stuinick rejected it — I
I am 2 much prosteratid to offer
either advise or consolation to my
Dimecratic i rends. We air in a stait of
abgect cussitudc. To see Waid and
THE NASB* PAPERS. Ill
Chaise, and Oen Luvgoy, and that 3 ply
Abolishnist Horis Greely, feelin good, is
prusic asid and strickO to us. I sliell
seek releef to my sorrers in tlie fioin
Petroleum V. Nasby.
P. S. — The printer will put mournin
lines abuv and below this letter.
112 THE NASBY PAPERS.
"CHANGES HIS BASE/"
Church uv Yanlandygum,
October 28, 1863.
Paul the apossel, on bis way frum
Geroosalam to Damaskus, to persekoot
the Crischens, seed a dazzlin lite wich
struck him blind. The old Diinocrisy
on the 13th uv October, on its way to
Glory, to persekoot the nigger, seed a
lite wich nocked it crazy. Wen yu've
suckd a orange dry, natrelly yoo fling
away the peel, and if the froot provd
sour and bitter instid uv sweet, yoo
fling it a good dele further, bcin disgus-
tid. Valandigum's marterdotn wuz our
orange — we suckt it wiggcrously ; but
alas ! quinine is sweetnis compared to it;
to-wit : I fling away the wuthless pcle.
Myself and flock is now all war Dime-
THE NASBY PAPERS. 113
crats. We hev alluz bin. We never
agreed with, the extree mists uv our
party, and we remained in the organny-
zation, only becoz ez members thereof,
we cood restrane it frum doing mischief.
We wer zelus in the support of Valandi-
gum, and workt hard to elect him, only
that, being his supporters, and hevin
electid him, we cood curb him.
Therefore, all our apparent opposi-
slien in war, wuz reely its most effishent
support. I hope the peeple will see it.
At a biznis meetin uv our church yis-
terdy afternoon, the follerin resolooshen
wuz past :
Wareas, Dimocrisy flurishes best
wen it is successful ; and wareas, it is a
tender flower that don't bare the chilin
frosts uv adversity much ; and wareas,
the peeple hev shode by the pekoolyer
stile uv ther votin that they don't like
Yalandigum ner his principles; and
wareas, the people is moar use to us
than Valandigum, therefore be it
Resolvd, That Yalandigum never
wuz a representativ uv Dimocratic
Resolvd, that we do not endors his
114- THE NA.SBY PAPERS.
vews, or approve liis acts, and nevnr
Resolvd, that onisfc old A. Linkin
by arrestin uv hiin, and thereby forsin
uv us into cominittin polittikle sooiside
by nominatin uv him, wuz gilty uv a
Resolvd, That we aint ez much con-
seined about our habis corpusses ez we
wuz afore the elecshen.
Resolve, That the war for the Union
mast go on, until its enemies is subjoo-
gatid, and the banner uv buty and glory
waves over every stait, and the Dimo-
cratic committis uv the various staits
be requcstid to procoor a suffishent
numbers uv banners, and appint sub-
co in mitt is to wave em.
Resolvd, That we air in favor uv
subjoogashen, emansipashen, confisca-
shen, taxashen, conscripshen, cxtermi-
nashen, nigger enlistments, and ef thcr
is anythin else the peeple desire, let cm
write us (post pade) and weel pass the
These preamable and rcsolooshen
(which, at my rcqwest, wuz past unani-
THE NASBY PAPERS. 115
musly) strikes me ez kivering the hull
Waitin and watchin,
Petroleum Y. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
116 THE NASBY PAPERS.
HAS AN INTERVIEW WITH THE
Church uv St. ,
Nov. 1, '63.
I felt it my dooty to visit Washinton.
The misarable condishon the Diinocrisy
find themselves into sinse the elecshen,
makes it nessary that sutliin be did
and therefore I determind to see wat
cood be effectid by a persnel intervew
with the President.
Interdoosin myself, I opened upon him
delikitly, thus :
"Linkin," sez I, " ez a Dimocrat, a
free-born Dimocrat, who is prepard to
die with neetnis and dispatch, and on
short notis, fer the inalienable rite uv
free speech — knoin also that you er a
THE NASBY PAPEES. 117
goriller, a feendish ape, a thirster after
blud, I speek."
" Speek on," sez he.
" I am a Ohio Dimocrat," sez I, " who
hez repoodiatid Yalandigum."
"Before or sinse the elecshin, did yoo
repoodiate him ?" sez he.
" Sinse," retortid I.
" I thot so," sed he. " I would hev dun
it too, hed I bin yon," continnered he,
wjth a gorriller-like grin.
" We air now in favor uv a wiggerns
prosecushen nv the war, and we want
you to so alter yoor polisy that we kin act
with yoo, corjelly," sez I.
" Say on," sez he.
" I will. We don't want yoo to change
yoor polisy, materially. We air modrit.
Anxshus to support yoo we ask yoo to
adopt the follerin trifling changis :
Restoar to us our habis corpusses, as
good ez new.
Arrest no moar men, wimmin and
children, fer opinyun's saik.
Repele the ojus confisticashen bill,
wich irytaits the Suthern mind and fires
the Suthern hart.
Do away with drafts and conskripshens.
118 THE NASBY PAPERS.
Revoak the Einansipashen proclama-
shen, and give bonds that you'll never
ishoo a nother.
Do away with tresury noats and sich,
and pay nuthin but gold.
Protect our dawters fruni nigger eqwa-
Disarm yoor nigger soljers, and send
back the niggers to ther owners to con-
Offer to assoom the war indetednis uv
the South, and plej the Guverment to
remoonerate our Suthrin brethren fer
the losses they hev sustaned in this on-
Call a convenshen uv Suthern men
and sech gileless Northern men ez F.
Peerce, J. Bookannun, Fernandough
Wood and myself, to agree upon the
terms uv re-unien.
" Is that all ?" sez the goriller.
" No," sez I promptly. " Ez a ga.rau-
i ec uv good faith to us, we shel insist that
the best haff uv the orfiscs be given to
Dimocrats who repoodiate Yalandigum.
Do this, Linkin, and yoo throw lard ile
on the trubbled waters. Do this and yoo
rally to yoor support thowsends uv noble
THE NASBY PAPERS. 119
Dimocrats, who went out uv offis with
Bookannon, and hev bin gittin ther
whisky on tick ever sinse. We hev
maid sakrifises. We hev repoodiatid
Yalandiguni — we care not ef he rots
in Canady — we are willin to jine
the war party reservin to ourselvs the
poor privilidg uv dictatin how and on
wat prinsipples it shel be carried on.
Linkin ! Goriller ! Ape ! I hev dim."
The President replide that he wood
give the matter serious considerashen.
He wood menshen the idee uv resinin to
Seward, Chais and Blair, and wood ad-
dres a serculer to the Postmasters et set-
try, and see how menny uv em wood be
willin to resine to accommodait Dimo-
crats. He hed no dout sevral wood do
it to-wunst. " Is ther any littel thing I
kin do fer you ?"
" Nothin pcrtiklcr. I wood accept a
small Post orifis, if sitooatid within ezy
range uv a distilry. My politikle daze
is well nigh over. Let me but see the
old party wunst moar in the assendency
— let these old eyes onct moar behold
the Constooshn ez it is, the Union ez it
wuzj and the Nigger ware he ought 2 be,
120 THE NASBY PAPERS.
and I will rap the mantel uv privit life
arownd me, and go in2 delirum tremens
happy. I hev no ambishen. I am in the
sear and yaller leef. These whitnin lox,
them sunken cheak, warn me that age
and whisky hev dun ther perfeck
work, and that I shell soon go hents.
Linkin, scorn not my wurds. I hev sed.
So sayin I wavd my hand impressive-
ly and walkd away.
Petroleum V. Nasby
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 121
Church uv St.
Nov. 9, '63
I preeched yisterdy frura the follerm
text : " What shell we do to be saivd ?"
This, my brethrin, is a important en-
quiry. Speakin ez a Dimocvat who fer
thirty yeres hez never scratched a tik-
kit — vewin things frnm a Dimocratic
stand-pint, I hev no hesitashen in say-
in that we need savin in a eminent de-
gree. The dark waives of fanattysism
wich wuz in ear rippels in 1856 were
mountin high in '60, and now they roll,
uncheckd, frum Calyforny 2 Mane. One
island is yet unsquelched. Noo Jersey
yet is troo to Dimocrisy — a oasis amid
the steril desert, a green spot by the
122 THE NASBY PAPERS.
wayside, a beekon lite to the shipwreckd
maryner, a whisky-jug in Mane — thank
hevin fer Noo Jersey — halleloogy ! I am
prowd 2 say tliat I, yoor paster, wuz born
in Noo Jersey — that my father sawd
wood fer the Presydent uv the Camden
and Ainboy, and my mother wuz his
washerwoman. Umble wuz our lot, but
what sez the good book — " It is better
to be a dorekeeper at the house uv Dimo-
crasy, than a postmaster in the tents uv
Abolishnism. But to resoom :
Wat shel we do to be saivd? This
inquiry is uv pekoolyer intrest jest now.
Let me ask why do we need savin ? Di-
mocrisy is the pure refind salt uv the
government — to speek uv salt savin is a
abserdity. Ah! my frends, wile Dimo-
crisy savd the Guverment, the Guver-
ment savd Dimocrisy. It wuz a strikin
illustrashen uv the eternal fitnes uv
things. So long ez my venrable frend
bed a Post orfis he wood be wus nor a
loonatik ef he did not sustane the G aver-
ment that giv him the Post Orifis. Evry-
thing went on, so long ez we hed the
Post Orifises. Wat we want jest now is
votes — and how to get cm is the question.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 123
Whisky used to do it ! but, alas ! the
the amount uv whisky nessary to con-
vert a Abolishnist to Diinocrisy wood
kill him afore he cood vote — they not
being seasoned vessels.
We lost controle, brethren, by bein
stubbern. ! let us dodge that fatal
errer. The last elecshen shode that we
cood not lede the peeple — let the peeple
lede us. Ef the peeple want war, let us
be war men; ef they want peece, let us
sing hosanners to peece ! Ef they want
war in Ohio, let Ohio Dimicrats be war,
and if Noo York wants peece, let us be
peece men. Our platform is broad enuff
to acommodait all, and on the mane
question, which is Post Orifis, we kin all
agree, halleloogy !
Hevin settled the matter uv faith, we
will considder that uv work, fer faith
without works is uv no nioar use than a
whisky punch without the whisky. Ther
must be no draft — the men must be razed
by volunteerin. Exstrordinory indoose-
ments must be held out fer Abolishnists
to enlist — fer evry wun who goes stands
a lively chance uv trubblin us no moar.
We must hev our voters back frum Ca-
124 THE NASBY PAPERS.
nady. My friends, there were enuff good
Dimocrats in Canady to Lev savd Ohio
and Noo York. They must be hum, to
wunst. We need em.
We hev not suffishently improved the
nigger — we neglectid him. Ther is 2
sides to the war question, but on nigger
we air invulnerable. Why yu ask ! Becoz
he has no frends. The Abolishnists air
afeerd to defend him, and by taking uv
him to them we hev wun menny a fite.
bless the Lord fer the nigger, he is our
tower uv strength.
My brethrin, we hev a big job afore
us. Let us dally no longer. Think of
the consekences uv another defeet. Sech
uv our Dimocratic leeders ez did not git
commishns in the army air in a bad
shaip. They can't git whisky on tick,
furever. Sum uv em hev got so low ez
to be obliged to drink dilooted camfone,
wich hez a bad effcck upon the stumick.
1 tried it wunst. They must be releevd.
They must hev their posishens and ther
regler salaries, fer without em ther stu-
micks is gone. Brethren, to the breech,
My church deppytised me to asscrtanc
THE NASBY PAPERS. 125
the wher-abc-uts uv sum Dimocrat who
hezn't exprest a opinyun sinse the war
commenst, and tender him the nomi-
nashen fer the Presidensy.
Petroleum Y. Nasbt,
Paster uv sed Church in charge.
126 THE NASBY TAPERS.
SUBMITS A PLAN FOR THE SAL-
VATION OF THE DEMOCRATIC
Chuech of St. .
Dec. 2, '63.
I AM not apt 2 change. Ez the Samist
sez, " wunst I wuz yung, but now I am
old," but yung er old, it has alluz bin the
saim with me. Whisky strate hez bin
my bevridge, and Dimocrisy my tikkit,
wun and inseprable, and I hev stuck to
em with a fidelity ekaled by few and ser-
past by nun. But the time hez cum fer
a raddykel change, in order to saiv the
good old party I hev ornamented so long.
My reezens are these :
The rebelyun is played out. Our Suth-
ern brerhrin is gone in. To use figger-
ativ langidgc wich will be understood in
THE NASBY PAPERS. 127
the circles in wick I am akustomed 2
move, Linkin has maid 4 alreddy, and
holds high, low, and jack. So long ez
ther wuz any chanse fer the 15 Dirnocratic
staits to succeed it was natrel fer us to
help em, fer then we cood ezy jine with
em agin, but ez they are past prayin fer,
wat is wisdom fer us ? Clerely to help
wipe em out. Why? In my skriptooral
reedin I wunst found a histry uv a
steward who wuz about losin his plais.
Like Hamlick he soliloquizd, " Wat kin
I do ? I can't work, I don't fancy beggin,
and heven't got the green-bax to start a
grosery." (Groseries wuz cash in Judee.)
A lucky thot emergd frum his Websteri-
an intelleek. "I hev it," sez he to his-
self. " I am yet steward. I will giv re-
ceets in full to them ez owes my boss,
and wen my day uv trubble cums, I'll
board with em."
The pint is plane. Y^ile in the ser-
viss uv our Suthrin masters we wuz ray-
ther hard on our Afrikin brethren. We
did bete em and choak em, and did de-
spitefully use em. We can't count on
the Sutherners no moar — let us elevait
the nigger to the plais his master oke-
128 THE NASBY PAPERS.
pide in the party. Like the steward
aforesed, let us do good to them we was
wunst tuff on, that we may hev frends
wen we need em. Let that hory old
dotard Tawney be assassynated, and
sum wun appinted in his plais, that will
reverse his decision that they hedent
eny rites that wite men was bound re-
speck — let Saincox and Fernandy Wood
interdoose bills abollyshin slaivry in the
staits, and givin evry Afrikan brother a
quarter secshun uv land, a 2 hoss teem, a
red bunnit with artefishel flowers onto it
— inaik em sittyzens, and then —
We'd get evry wun of em. This wood
give us the fifteen Suthrin staits as in
the happy daze of yoar, and 500,000 uv
our cullerd brethrin, now in Kanady,
cood be brot back to the land of their
nativity, and distribbited thro Ohio and
Noo York, so ez to redeem them staits
frum the rule uv misgided Abolish — I
meantersay, Republikins. This plan is
peezible, and pekoolierly adapted to the
Dimecratic mind, wich is ilexyble, very.
Let it be adoptid and wunst moar will
the good ole party repose under the
shadder uv the Trezury bildins, wunst
THE NARBY PAPEKS. 129
agin will the chozn few dror regler
salaries, and the Nashen flurish under
the blessins we lost wen Bookannon, the
gileless retird to privit life.
Petroleum Y. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church in charge.
130 LHE NASBY PAPERS.
TAKES A RETROSPECTIVE
Church uv the Slawterd Innocents,
(Lait St. Valandigum.) Dec. 11, '63.
Yisterdy I heerd a Abolishnist remark,
" The world moves." The observashen
(wich I hev heerd frequently uv lait)
set me into a trane of refleckshen.
My comprehensive mind sprang back
into the misty daze of the past, and I
wuz a boy agin. Twenty-six yeres ago
I wuz splittin my symetrickle throte a
holler in fer Van Boorcn. Them wuz the
pammy daze uv Dimocrisy. Androo
Jaxon hed left us his naim ez cappytal
fer us to do bizness on, wile he wuz out
uv the way, and coodent interfere with
our steelin, wich wuz comfortable. We
wuz bectn, but wuz still stroug and
THE NASBY PAPERS. 131
viggerous, knowin that we cood manaje
to live doorin Harryson's rane on wat
we hed stole doorin Yan Booren's, the
fasilites havin bin unlimitid. O them
times ! Ther wuz Cass, and Davis, and
Diekison, and Calhoon, and Tooms, and
Bill Allen, and Duglis (who wuz jest
comin in), and Bitchy, and Benton, and
Isaer Bynders, and Wise, and Yankee
Sullivan, a gelloi'eous galexy uv intellec-
tooal and muskeler Dimocrisy, sech ez
the world never seed afore and never
will agin. Wuz Abolishni-mi tolratid in
them happy daze ? Not enny. with
what arder Oin Luvjoy was shot at
Alton — how wiggerusly the Dimocrisy
labered ta throw his press in2 the tur-
bid waters uv the Missisipi. Wood, o
wood that we could hev sunk his doc-
trines with his press. Did we allow
Abolishn talk ? Nary. These stalwart
arm hev hurled baskit-fuls uv unsavry
eggs at the pedlers uv polittikle heresy,
and my skill in eggin Abolishn lecterers
wunst maid me Justis uv the peese
in my nativ township.
In the South every hillside wuz dot-
tid with the carcasses uv Noo Ingland
132 THE NASBY PAPERS.
skoolinarms, who hevin bin suspected
uv teechin niggers to rede, wuz justly
Lung, and the plesent crack of the
whip wuz heerd all over the land. Oh
the in Arcadian dase, wen it only took 20
minits to arrest, try, sentence, hang, and
divide the close of a Yankee skool-
But alas! heresees crep in2 our ranks,
and ther wuz confooshun. Yan Booren
bolted and bete Cass, and notwithstand-
ing he repentid, afterward, the Aboli-
shon pizon he interdoost in2 the Dimo-
cratic body pollytik, remaned. It broke
out in ugly sores in Ohio, 1848, in the
shaip uv the feendish Free sile party.
Then Chaise and Brinkerhoof sluffed orf,
and jind with our ainshent eneniis.
Jest afterward the Anti-Nebrasky ex-
citement, cuppled with No-Nothinisra,
whaled us, and it was only by sooper-
hooman eggsershens that we electid
Boukannon. Sense it hez bin nothin
but disaster. Bookanuon and Duglis
got by the eers, Duglis refoosed to cave
to his suthrin brethrin, Linkin wuz
electid, war ensood, and now wat do these
old ize behold? Cass, and Ben Butler,
THE NASBY PAPERS. 133
;md Logan, and Dix, and Dickison, and
Dave Tod, strikin hands with Josh
Giddins, and Horns Greely ! It is a
singeler fact, and every leader we used
to trust is now agin us. And wuss.
Abolishn papers is bein publisht in
South Karliny, in Tennisee, Kentucky,
and Loozeaner, and a millyun of men,
led by the ghosts and ghostesses uv
them, hung skoolinasters and skool-
marms aforesaid, assisted by John
Brown's soul, wich is littrally a marchin
on, is enforcin a proclamashen freein all
the niggers at wun stroak, and the
Dimocrisy bein sum hundred uv tkow-
sends in the minority, is powerless to
Trooly, the world moves. It hez
moved the Dimocrisy from the Pedestal
uv Power it wunst okepide, and laid it
prostrait. It hez elevatid men we des-
pised, and adoptid idees we scoft at.
Yunger men may shift and git in2 the
tide agin, but ez fer me I cant. I shel
maik wun moar effort, and if we fail —
why then I shel withdraw from public
life, and start a grosery, and in that
umble callin will note peecefully down
134 THE NASBY PAPERS.
the streem uv time, until my wether
beten bark strikes on the rox of deth,
gittin my likker in the menetime (uv
wich I consume menny,) at wholesail
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 1C5
COMMUNES WITH SPIRITS.
Church uv the Slawterd Innocents,
(Lait St. Yalandigura), Dec. 19, '63.
I hev bin for menny yeres disposed to
bleeve in speritooalism. Ther is sutbin
plesent in the idee uv bein in com muni -
casben with them ez hev gone before,
as it may be reznable supozed that frum
their stanpint they kin see things in a
more clearer lite than we who is en-
cumbered with clay. Akordingly I
invited a distingisht mejum to visit my
A circle wuz formd, and I wuz reques-
tid to call fer the sperit uv sum wun.
Hevin a few Abolishnists present, whom
I wisht to enliten on politikle topix, I
cald for Tonius Jefferson. " To in us,"
138 THE NASBY PAPERS.
sez I, "wuz yoo the father uv Dimo-
(I use my own langige, ez them old
fellers wuz not alluz elegant.)
" I wuz."
" Tomus, are the party now barin the
name yoor child?"
" Not any. Its a mizable bastard, born
uv John 0. Calhoon, and that old hag,
Stait Rites, and a low-lived whelp it is.
My heirs is them ez supports the Guver-
mont I help to maik."
" But, Tomus, wood yoo hev us support
a Abolishn war fer the pcrpus uv freein
The sperit rapt out with awful distink-
nis, " We hold these trooths to be self-
evident that awl men is creatid ekal, and
eiidoud with certing inaleyenable rites,
among wich is life, liberty — "
At this pint I stopt the mcjum. I knew
the sperit wuz not Tomus Jefferson, but
a imposter, hevin heerd a Abolishn
preeeher use the same langige at a 4th
uv Guly selebrashen. I then cald Androo
Jaxon, hoo respondid.
" Androo," sez I, " woodent yoo like
to be back on yearth, jist now ?"
THE NASBY PAPEPS. 137
" Too kin bet T wood," retortid Lo.
" I'd like to hev bin President in the
plais uv that old, whiteliverd, black-
cockade Fedralist, Bookannon. Wat a
liangin tber wood bev bin ! Ther wood
hev bin vacansis in Congris, and jest ez
inenny funerals ez ther wuz vacansis.
As fer Sowth Carliny," —
The communycashen ceesd, and I
heerd a sound like the grittin uv teeth.
It resoomed. " I'd string up Valandigum,
and Fernandy Wood, and Sam Medary,
et settry. It wood be a bad old joke on
them indivijjles ef I bed controle of the
babis corpus, I'd — "
I refoozed to here ferther. This sperit
wuz also ondoutdly a imposter.
I cald fer Benton, who merely sed that
Mizsory wuz comin to her sensis in gittin
rid uv slaivry, and fer Duglis who re-
markt that he cood say uv the temple of
Dimocrisy es the Savior sed of the sina-
gog, " My bowse is cald a howse of prayr,
but ye hev maid it a den of theeves,"
both of whom wuz onquestionably im-
posters. Another sperit (probably of a
deceest abolishnist) sed that Benedict
Arnold and Judis Iscariot hadent bin on
138 THE NASBY PAPERS.
speekin terms fer sum time, Iscariot hevin
called Arnold a coppcrhed. Arnold sed
he'd never stand that.
Duglis cum back and sed he had jost
wun word 2 say. The Dimocratic party
wuz wunst grate, but it hed got in2 bad
hands and gon crazy as a drunken bed-
bug. It needid new manajers — men uv
suffishent sence and honisty to run the
party on old prinsipples. In the old
hands it wuz a pattryotic party — a party
that wuz alluz for the country. It whaled
the British in 1812, and afterwards nockt
the hind sites off uv the old Fedral party
fer opposin it. It smash t Mexico, and
afterwards smasht the "Whig party fer
not helpin. Now for the Dimocrisy to
oppose a war agin rebils who not only
commenst it, but hed actooally bustid the
party itself, is loonacy unekaled in the
histry uv the world. Squelch them tup-
penny pollytishns who hev cheeved the
mantels wunst worn by Jaxon and Ben-
ton (they look in em jest about as well
as a orgin grinder's munky wood in a
soljers overkote, and fill em jest as much),
get onto a war platform, and" —
I didn't care about persooinmy inves-
THE NASBY PAPEES. 139
tigashens enny fertlier, pertikerlerly ez
the Abolishnists were all a snickrin. Its
niy privit opinyun that thers nothin re-
lyable about it. Hed the sperits bin
reely them uv Jefferson, Jaxon, and sich,
they woodent hev talkt so much undi-
However, it did me very well. The
mejum took up a colleckshun uv six
dolers, wich, by a singler coincidence,
was the eggsact amount I hed intendid
to charge him fer the use uv my church.
He grumbled, but finelly sheld out. I
am now warin a new pare uv pants.
Petroleum Y. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
140 THE NASBY PAPERS.
TRIES AN EXPERIMENT.
Church tjv the Slawterd Innocents,
(Lait St. Yalandigum), Dec. 25, '63.
Mankind is the most perverse and on-
rezonable beins uv the human family.
Wile they assent 2 a principple, they
never will put it into practis ef it bares
hard onto em ez indivijjles, to -wit :
I had bin for sevral weeks deliverin. a
coarse uv lekters on the divinnity uv
slaivry. I argood that the instooshn
wuz based upon the infeeriority uv wun
man 2 another — that it wuz not only a
wise but a bootif'ul pervision uv nacher
that the strong shood hev charge uv the
week, a guidin, and protektin and a
workin uv em. Tlie idee pleazed my
congregashen vastly, and fifteen or
twenty uvthe strongest pcrposed that it
THE NASBT PAPERS. 141
shood be put into praktis,jest 2 show tlio
world that the grate doctrine cood be
carried out jest as well in the North as in
the South. To wich I assented to-wnnst,
and at the next biznis meetin,the follerin
plan wuz adoptid : — The members uv the
congregashen shood try ther strength,
and them as cood lift 600 shood own and
possess, in fee simple, all them ez coodent.
The trial wuz hed, the divizshen maid,
and I wuz happy at bein the umble in-
strooment uv plantin the grate institoo-
shen on North rin sile.
But alas, owin 2 the perversity of the
human mind aforesaid, dident work.
Old John Podhammer razed his 600
with the gratest eeze, wile Bill Sniffles,
who wuz workin for him fer 12 dolers a
munth, coodent fetch it. Podhammer
went over to Bill's cabin, the next morn-
in, and sez he, " Wilyum, frum this
time hentz4th, and furever, yoo air my
man. As all a slaiv has is his master's,
the 18 dolers I owe yoo, or that I did owe
yoo afore this blessid system wuz estab-
lisht, I shel kepe, and as yoo hev moar
furnytoor than befits yoor lowly condi-
shen, I will send a team over to-morrer,
142 THE NASBY PAPERS.
and taik yer bewrow and stand, and bed-
stids up to my house, and "
At this junctor in cums Mrs. Sniffles,
who kin lift 600 with old Podhammer on
the top uv it, and it wuz no time afore
she diskivered wat hiz biznis wuz. She
turnd red in the fais. Sed she : —
" Toor goin to take my furnytoor ?"
" And we air yoor slaivs ?"
" Uv coarse."
"And you kin sell my children?"
" And you kin maik me yoor conke-
" Tou old beest!" shreckt the infoori-
ated femail chattel, forgettin her normal
condishn, " you sell my babies, you taik
my furnytoor, drat ye, I'll give ye sum
uv it now," whereupon she hurled a
chare, wich laid him prostrait on the
flore, wen she pickt him up and flung
him out the dore.
It did not end here : Podhammer hed
in his hand a patch-work coverlid, wich
he thot he wood taik with him, and
when he cum to he walked off" with it,
THE NASBY PAPERS. 143
■whereupon Mrs. Sniffles lied him took
up on a charge uv steelin, and he wuz
actooaly tride, found gilty, and sent to
jail fer 30 daze. How kin we establish
Dimocratic institooshens, wen the corts
won't recognize the laws of nacher. The
experiment, for the present, hez the ap-
perentz of a failyer.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
14 l< THE NASBY PAPERS.
Church uv the Slawterd Innocents,
(Lait St. Yalandigum), Jan. 16, '04.
Trouble air a cumin upon me thicker
and faster. " Men change, but princip-
ples, never," hez bin a motto uv mine fer
yeers, and bleevin in the grate principplc
of the strong owning the week, or in
uther words, Slaivry, I shell never cease
my efforts to maik it universal. Ther
bein a onreasonable prejudice in the
minds uv the week uv my congregashen
aginst bein the pcrpetooal scrvance uv
them as nacher hez maid to rool, I call-
ed a special meetin of my flock, to con-
sidder the matter. I interdoost the mat-
ter thus :
By Hager I provd that slaivry was
THE NASBY PAPERS. 145
By "cnssid be Kanan," et settry, I
shode concloosively that the nigger wuz
the identikle indivijjle who wuz to be the
sed slaiv aforesed.
Then it wuz put to vote and it wuz
unanimusly resolvd that Aferken slaivry
be interdoost amongst ns. I notist with
pleasure that the poorer the indivijjle,
the moar anxshus he seemid to own a
Opinyuns were then interchanged.
Absoluin Kitt, who is a carpenter, and
who never saved a doler, hevin alluz hed
a sick wife and a large family of chil-
dren, sed that a grate work hed bin dun
that nite. The prowd Anglo-saxun
whom nacher intendid to rool, hed bm
that nite elewatid 2 his normal speer.
Hentz4th ther wuz no moar labor fer
him. He hed a contrak to bild a howse
for brother Podhammer, and he hed no
doubt that the brethrin who wuz blest
with menes wood make up a puss, and
enable him to buy a nigger carpenter
to do his work.
Brother Podhammer aroz. He, uv
coarse, wood be glad to assist brother
Kitt, but dooty 2 his family reqwired a
146 THE NASBY PAPERS.
diffrent line of akshen. His idee wuz
to purchis a nigger carpenter kisself,
« WHAT !" exclaimed Kitt.
Brother Podharniner resoomed. He
intended to buy a nigger carpenter his-
self, and bild his house. The cheef buty
uv the grate system, and the wun that
raaiks it altogether luvly, is that yoo
kin buy yoor labor.
" But," sed Kitt, " what kin I do if yoo
work nigger carpenters ?"
"Trooly," sez Podhammer, "I kno
not. A carpenter kin be purchist fer
$1,000, the interest uv wich is $60, and
his keepin say $100 more, per annum.
Now ef brother Kitt '11 cum to them
wagis, and be modritly umble, I mite,
fer his saik, forego the exquisit pleasure
uv kevin a nigger to flog, and still em-
" But," sez Kitt, turnin pail, " my
family wood starve on them wagis. Wy,
I mite, ez well be a nigger myself."
At this pint I lifted up my voise. I
exortid Bro. Kitt to patience. The grate
i tiraocratio idee that cappy tal shoodown
labor most be establiaht. It may bare
THE NASBY PAPERS. 147
hard upon indivijjles, but wat then?
John Rogers went calmly to the stake
fer principple. Ef Bro. Kitt doth not
like to accept his normel condishon to-
wunst, he kin go to sum less favored
country, wher the grate instooshon is not
Bro. Podger, a blacksmith, sed he
suppozed the rich uns wood buy a nigger
blacksmith, and let him emigrait.
Bro. Snipes, a plastrer, made a simler
Bro. Pant, a bricklayer, remarkt like-
Whereupon they all, in coru3, similer-
ly exclaimed they see us d — d fust, and
then they woodent.
Whereupon they considered there re-
sol ashen establishin slaivry.
Kitt and his, herritix wuz not at church
last Sundy, and the Postmaster told me
that they hed sent orf a club fer the N oo
Trooly, a reformer's Jordan is a hard
rode to travel I beleeve.
Petroleum. V. Nasby
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
118 THE NASBY PAPERS.
PREACHES— SUBJECT, " THE
Chuech tjv the New Dispensashun,
January 31, 1864.
My brethren and sisteren : I shall maik
sum remarks this mornin based upon the
bootiful parable of the prodygal sun. I
wood read 2 yoo thepassij,but the Bible
I hev is the only one in the township,
and I lent it yisterdy 2 Square Gavitt,
who sed swarin witnesses on almanacs
woodentdo it in boss cases, and he has-
ent brung it back. The skripter sez, in
Ther was a certin man who lied 2 suns.
The yungist lied a taist for that branch
uv agricultooral persoots known ez sowin
wild oats, so he asktthe old man fer bis
sheer uv the estait. lie got it, turned it
THE NASBY PAPERS. 119
into greenbax, and went off. He com-
menst living high — bording at big hotels,
and keepin trottin Losses, and playin
bilyards, and sich. In about a year he
run thro his pile, and wuz dead broak.
Then his credit playd out, and he wuz in
a tite place for his daily bred. The idee
struck him that he hed better put for
hum, which he did. The old man saw
him a cumin, and he run out and met
him, and giv him a new cote, and a order
for a pare uv shoes, and kild a fat caff,
and hed flour doins. The oldest boy
objected 2 these, say in, " Lo I hav servd
thee these menny yeres, and thou never
madest no splurge over me, but when
this thy sun, who hez fooled away his
pile returns, you kill calves and sich."
Then the old man retorts sayin, " My sun
who wuz lost is found, the sheep who went
astray is cum back, let us be merry."
My brethren, this parable applize ez
well to the present time ez though it wuz
maid fer it. Uncle Samyuel is the old
man, the suthern wing uv the Dimocratic
party is the proddygal, and the Abolish-
nists is the oldest sun. The south got
tired and went off on its own hook. 1
150 THE NASBY PAPERS.
haz, I rnaik no doubt, spent the Left
uv its substance, and will shortly con-
clude to cum home. Now the grate ques-
tion uv the hour is how shel he be receev-
ed. My trends, the Dimocratic rool is
to toiler the scripter wen yoo can maik
a pint by so doin. In this pertikeler case
Godlinis is gane, hallcloogy, thereto ar,
let us be Godly. Let Uncle Samyooel
see the repentant proddygal afar orf —
let him go out to seek him, er send Fer-
nandy Wood, and when he hez found
him let him fall, not upon his neck, but
at his feet — let him put onto him the
perple robe wich is royalty, and upon
his hand a ring, wich is dominion, wich
is a improvement upon scripter.
But the Abolishnist, who is the elder
sun, steps up and sez, " Nary. He wuz a
doin well and he wented out frum us,
takin awl that wuz his own, and sech ez
he cood steel, all uv which he hez spent
upon such harlots as Afrikin slnivry,
Stait rites, and Suthern independence,
wich last two menshund is whited se-
pulkers. I sent my sons Grant, and
Kosycrance, and Benbutler after him,
THE NASBY PAPEES. 151
he did despitefully use them. Now that
lie is week from hunger, let him brindle.
i^f we taik him to our buzerus, let him
cam on his nees, let him cast off the har-
lots that hev sedoosthiin, that ther may-
be no moar trubble in all the land."
My brethren, we must taik him back
ez the old man did in the bible. Why ?
do you ask. Becoz he wuz alluz the old
man's pet, and had things his own way.
"We wuz his frends and shared with him
the steelins, but sence he went out the
Abolishn brother and his frends hev con-
trold things and whare air we? Eko
ansers no whair ! We okepy low piasis
in the sinagog, and the doggery keepers
go mournin about the streets and re-
fuse to be comforted becoz ther cash is
not plenty, and ef we taik back the prod-
dygal shorn of his strength, of what avail
is he to us? He must cum back ez
strong as ever, he must bring his harlots
with him — he must ROOL! Then shel
we hev the Post Orfises, and then shcl
we agin live on the fat uv the land,
dodgin the cuss uv labor. Brethrin, let
us be dellygent in this grate work, in-
stant in seeson and out of seeson,
152 THE NASEY PAPERS.
Acollecshun wuz takinup fer the pur-
pus uv sending a mishunary 2 Massy-
chusits, wich yelded 7 dolors. Ez the
amount woodent pay the ralerode fair,
it wuz voted to apply it on repairs on the
church, wich I did by havin my boots
haff-sold and buyin a new h anker cher.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
Church uv the dispensashun,
February 6, 1864.
I am no speshel bleever in dreems. The
gnlfatwixt the material and immaterial
worlds is 2 wide to be spand by the bridj
uv sleep, ur if spand at all, the way is 2
narrer to make safe even the passij uv a
nite-mare. [Poeticle idee.] Still, the
sperit may, wen loost frum its lode uv
cl ly, sore off in2 the dim fucher, and re-
THE NASBT PAPERS. 153
tanc a porshen uv its impreslins wen it
agen okepies its prison-bowse.
Last Saterdy nite I heel a drerae. I
hed Lin a redin " Cotton is King," and
sech works, aidin niy understandin with
frequent drafts fruin a bottel containin
" nacher's last, best gift 2 man," and I
fell in2 a gentel slumber. I dreemd that
the Confederasy hed bin successful, that
it carrid out orijinel idee, aud hed sub-
joogatid the northern staits. GefFerson
Davis wuz roolin at Washinton under
the title uv " Gefferson I, Empror uv all
the Amerikys." The Senit and Hows
uv Repsentativs hed bin dun away with
by decrees, and the biznis uv governin
wuz dun solely by the Empror and his
ministers. All to wunst 1 wuz in Wash-
inton, a rolein along in a gorjus carige.
I wuz sumwat surprizd at my persnel
apperans. I wuz drest in flesh culered
tites, with sandles on my feet, with di-
mund buckels onto em, and on my hed
wuz a crown, makin me resemble a play
acter I seed wunst a play in Richerd.
Suddenly the carige stopt, and I alitid,
and assended the steps of the Palise. It
wuz a resepshun, and a chamberlin wuz
154 THE NASBY PAPERS.
announcing the gests ez they airiv.
" Earl von Seyraor !" " Count de Sam-
medary!" " Markuis Fernandywood !"
and ez I stept forevd wat a gush uv ex-
stasy thrild thro my vanes as the cham-
berlin (who wuz little Samcox) showtid,
"DOOK DE NASBY!" O, what a
My dreems continnered. Methawt
the nobility wuz maid up uv the offisers
uv the Confedrit armies, and sech Nor-
thrin men ez hed bin troo to theConfed-
risy. The Northern staits hed bin
diwided into dookdums, and erldums
and sich — my territory extending forty
miles eech way fruin Wingirt's Corners,
whair my dookal palise wuz sitooated.
Niggers wuz dun away with, ez all the
whites excepting the privligd classes
wuz serf, wich effectooally settled the
question uv Afrikin slaivry. The nobili-
ty ownd the land and the inhabitants
wuz all pesantry, payin to the lord uv
the soil 4-fifths uv the produx. I wuz
living in stile. We hed subjoogatid the
Abolishnists, and wuz usin their leadin
men ez our mecnyels. O, ifc wuz in;iL, r -
ni-ficent and gorjus. I arose evry
TTTE NASBY PAPERS. 155
morin with Sumner a holdin a bason,
and Waid a pourin uv perfoomed water
over my hands, after wich Giin Ashly
dryd em with towels. This wuz my ser-
vance ! Poetikle justise.
In short, Gefferson Davis, ez soon as
he hed the power, hed declarid the idee
uv men governin themselves a failyoor,
and hed revivd the old foodel system.
France and England hed assisted him in
establishn hisself, and hed jest got the
thing into good runnin order. One seen
in my dreem filled me full uv joy. I thot
I wuz in my dukel robes in my ances-
trel halls, overlookin my stewart (editer
Raymond, uv Noo York Times), a resee-
vin triboot frum the happy pesantry, wen
I notist among em sum who hed refoos-
ed me credit in the days uv the Republic.
Rage filld my sole. " Away with the
hory miscreance," showtid I to my arm-
ed servitors, "away with em 2 the deep-
est dunjun neeth the castle mote! ha!
ha !" Just then I awoke.
It wuz but a dreem, but it left an im-
preshen on my mind. " If we succeed
in smaskin Lincoln and his guverment,"
thawt I, " a monerkey must ensoo, and,
156 THE NASBY PAPERS.
who nose, I may yet be Dook de Nasby !"
Filled with new zele I resoomed laber on
my sermon for the morror, on the un-
constooshnality uv the pnttin down re-
belyuns with muskets, with renood
Petroleum Y. Nasby.
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
HIS LETTER ON FREMONT'S
Church uv the Noo Dispensasiien,
Now is the winter uv our diskontent,
maid gellorious summer. The clowds
that ocrcast the perlitticle horyzon is
broak, and rays frum the sun uv success
hev peeroed em, gildin the noses uv the
fatheful with a radjence that whisky can-
THE NASBY PAPERS. 157
Honey hez cum out of a karkis — good
hez perceeded frum Nazzyreth. The
Raddykels Lev nominated Fremont !
Halleloogy ! They did it at Cleve-
I never votid fer Fremont. In '56 I
didn't like — in fact, I aboosed him. I
laft at him fer partin his hare in the
middle, I accoosed him uv being a Cath-
lic, and uv steelin cattle from the Guv-
erment. Wen Linkin appinted him
Genral, I aboosed him agin, and more
than ever wen he ishood his Einansrpa-
But now I diskiver that I hev did him
a grevous wrong. The most bekomin
way a man kin part his hare is in the
middle, the steelin uv cattle frum Guv-
erment is a act that no man who sup-
ported Bookannon can condem, and hi j
Abolishnism — why hez to be pitied for
Uv coarse no Dimocrat can vote for
him, for ther is a triflin difference in our
prinsipples, yet about a haff uvthe Abo-
lishn party ought to do it by all menes.
John C. is the man fer them undoubtedly.
But wether he gits menny votes er
158 THE NASBY PArEES.
few, his bein nominated is salvashen to
us. Every vote he gits, Linkin won't
git, and then what —
The bair thot almost overpowers me.
We kin elect a Dimocrat !
This movement put a new face upon
affairs. We needn't be pertikelerly anx-
shus enny moar fer Lee's success — in
fact, I bleeve it wood be better fer us 2
hev Grant whip Lee and taik Richmond.
Fer why ? Becoz. Spozn about tho
time the Confedrisy is playd out we elect
a Dimocrat, and spozn that Dimocrat
lets up on em, restoars ther niggers,
pardones em, pays ther debts, compen-
saits them cz hez sustaned losses in the
war, and penshens ther widders, woodent
they let us hev the heft uv the orfisis a
while. Uv coarse they wood.
I segest that the Committis who air
takin up collecshuus fer Yallandygum,
send the munny forthwith to Fermont's
Execootiv Committy. I shel taik up a
collecshun in my congregashen immedi-
ately fer that purpus.
Petroleum Y. JSTasby.
av Bed Church, in charge.
THE NASBY PAPERS. 159
SONNIT ONTO A SOLJER— FRUM
A DIMMEKRATIC STAN-PINT.
BY PETROLEUM V. NASBY.
Bloo-koted monster! — tliow goist 4th,
Armed with thy rifle and sharp-pint-
Whose peeked end with Suthrin blud
I hait thee! tool and minyun uv the
Put on a Dimocrat them kote and pants,
Put in his hand a gun with peeked
Then toot a fife and he's a Link in
Who thirsts fer blud uv Dimecratic
Monster unnachrel, by Niggerism
160 THE NASBY PAPERS.
Thowsends and moar uv Diinocrats
"Whoo'l never rally to the poles again,
To vote, ez wunst they did a tikkit all
Avant ! yoor work our party is undoin,
To usyourkote uv bloo uiencs jest bloo
MDLNEB AND BOWEHBY, PIUMTEBB, HALIFAX.
This book is DUE on the last
date stamped below
2 WEE < LOAN
B 000 012 809