Old People and the Things that Pass
THE BOOKS OF THE
SMALL SOULS
By
LOUIS COUPERUS
Translated by
ALEXANDER TEIXEIRA DE MATTOS
I. SMALL SOULS.
II. THE LATER LIFE.
III. THE TWILIGHT OF THE SOULS.
IV. DR. ADRIAAN.
OLD PEOPLE AND
THINGS THAT PASS
BY
LOUIS COUPERUS
TRANSLATED BY
ALEXANDER TEIXEIRA DE MATTOS
NEW YORK
DODD, MEAD AND COMPANY
1919
COPYRIGHT, 1918
By DODD, MEAD AND COMPANY. INC.
Old People and the Things that Pass
CHAPTER I
STEYN'S deep bass voice was heard in the passage :
" Come, Jack, come along, dog ! Are you com-
ing with your master? "
The terrier gave a loud, glad bark and came
rushing madly down the stairs, till he seemed to
be tumbling over his own paws.
" Oh, that voice of Steyn's ! " Ottilie hissed be-
tween her teeth angrily and turned a number of
pages of her novel.
Charles Pauws glanced at her quietly, with his
little smile, his laugh at Mamma's ways. He was
sitting with his mother after dinner, sipping his cup
of coffee before going on to Elly.
Steyn went out with Jack; the evening silence
settled upon the little house and the gas hummed in
the impersonal and unhomely sitting-room. Charles
Pauws looked down at the tips of his boots and
admired their fit.
''Where has Steyn gone?" asked Mamma; and
her voice grumbled uneasily.
" Gone for a walk with Jack," said Charles
Pauws.
He was called Lot 1 at home; his voice sounded
soft and soothing.
1 Pronounced " Lo," as in the French " Chariot."
2 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" He's gone to his woman ! " snarled Ottilie.
Lot made a gesture of weariness :
" Come, Mamma," he said, " be calm now and
don't think about that scene. I'm going on to Elly
presently; meantime I want to sit cosily with you
for a bit. Steyn's your husband, after all. You
mustn't always be bickering with him and saying and
thinking such things. You were just like a little fury
again. It brings wrinkles, you know, losing your
temper like that."
" I am an old woman."
" But you've still got a very soft little skin."
Ottilie smiled; and Lot stood up:
" There," he said, " give me a kiss. . . . Won't
you? Must I give you one? You angry little
Mummy! . . . And what was it about? About
nothing. At least, I can't remember what it was all
about. I should never be able to analyse it. And
that's always the way. . . . How do I come
to be so unruffled with such a little fury of a
Mamma?"
"If you imagine that your father used to keep
unruffled! "
Lot laughed that little laugh of his and did not
reply. Mrs. Steyn de Weert went on reading more
peacefully; she sat in front of her book like a
child. She was a woman of sixty, but her blue eyes
were like a child's, full of a soft beauty, gentle
and innocent; and her voice, a little high-toned,
always sounded like a child's, had just sounded like
THINGS THAT PASS 3
the voice of a naughty child. Sitting, small and
upright, in her chair, she read on, attentively, calm-
ing herself because Lot had spoken so calmly and
kissed her so comfortingly. The gas hummed and
Lot drank his coffee and, looking at his boots, won-
dered why he was going to be married. He did
not think he was a marrying man. He was young
still: thirty-eight; he really looked much younger;
he made enough money with his articles to risk it,
frugal-fashion, with what Elly would get from
Grandpapa Takma ; but all the same he did not think
that he was of the marrying kind. His liberty, his
independence, his selfish power to amuse himself as
he pleased were what he loved best; and marrying
meant giving one's self over, bound hand and foot,
to a woman. He was not passionately in love with
Elly: he thought her an intelligent, artistic little
thing; and he was really not doing it for what she
would inherit from Grandpapa Takma. Then why
was he doing it, he asked himself, as he had asked
himself day after day, during that week which had
followed on his proposal.
" Mamma, can you tell me ? Why did I propose
to Elly?"
Ottilie looked up. She was accustomed to queer
and humorous questions from Lot and she used,
to answer him in the same tone, as far as she was
able; but this question made her feel a prick of
jealousy, a prick that hurt very much, physically, like
a thorn in the flesh.
4 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" Why you proposed to Elly ? I don't know. We
always do things without knowing why."
Her voice sounded soft and melancholy, a little
sulky after the naughty child's voice of just now.
Had she not lost everything that she had ever pos-
sessed? Would she not lose Lot, have to part with
him to Elly ... as she had had to part with every-
thing and everybody? . . .
" How seriously you answered, Mamma ! That's
not like you."
" Mayn't I be serious too, once in a way?"
" Why so sad and serious and tempersome lately?
Is it because I am going to be married? "
" Perhaps."
11 But you're fond of Elly ..."
" Yes, she's very nice."
" The best thing we can do is to go on living
together; Elly's fond of you too. I've talked to
Steyn about it."
Lot called his step-father, his second step-father,
Steyn, without anything else, after having called
his first, when he was still a boy, " Mr." Trevelley.
Ottilie had been married three times.
" The house is too small," said Mamma,
" especially if you go having a family soon."
And yet she thought:
" If we remain together, I sha'n't lose Lot
entirely; but I shall never be able to get on
with my daughter-in-law, especially if there are
children."
THINGS THAT PASS 5
"A family?" he echoed.
" Children."
"Children?"
" Well, married people have had children before
now!"
" Our family has lasted long enough. I shall be
in no hurry about children."
" And, when your wife hasn't you with her, what
has she, if she hasn't any children? It's true, you're
both so clever. I'm only a stupid woman; my child-
ren have often been a comfort to me ..."
" When you were able to spoil them."
" It's not for you to reproach me with thatl "
" I'm not reproaching you."
" As to living together, Lot," said Mamma, sadly,
in a child's coaxing voice, casting up her blue child-
eyes, " / should be quite willing, if Elly is and if she
promises to take things as she finds them. I shall
feel very lonely without you. But, if there were any
objections, I might go over to England. I have my
two boys there. And Mary is coming home from
India this year."
Lot knitted his brows and put his hand up to his
fair hair : it was very neat, with a parting.
" Or else ... I might go and look up Ottilie
at Nice."
"No, Mamma, not that!" said Lot, almost
angrily.
"Why not?" exclaimed Mrs. Steyn de Weert,
raising her voice. "She's my child, surely?"
6 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" Yes," Lot admitted, quickly recovering his com-
posure. "But ..."
" But what? Surely, my own child . . . ?"
" But it would be very silly of you to go to
Ottilie."
" Why, even if we have quarrelled at times ..."
"It would never do; you can't get on with her.
If you go to Ottilie, I won't get married. Besides,
Steyn has something to say in the matter."
" I'm so fond of Nice," said Mrs. Steyn de Weert;
and her child-voice sounded almost plaintive. ' The
winters there are so delightful. . . . But perhaps
it would be difficult for me . . . to go there . . .
because Ottilie behaves so funnily. If it could be
managed, I would rather live with you, Lot. If
Elly is willing. Perhaps we could have a little
larger house than this. Do you think we could
afford it? Stay alone with Steyn I will not. That's
settled. That's quite settled."
" Mummy darling ..."
Lot's voice sounded full of pity. After her last
determined words, Mamma had big tears in her blue
child-eyes, tears which did not fall but which gave a
sorrowful gleam to the naughty look in her face.
Then, with a sudden short sigh, she took up her book
and was silent and pretended to read. There was
something resigned about her attitude and, at the
same time, something obstinate, the constant attitude
of a naughty child, a spoilt child that persisted in do-
ing, quietly and silently, what it wanted to. Lot, with
THINGS THAT PASS 7
his coffee-cup in his hand, his laugh about his mouth,
studied Mamma; after his compassion, he just sat
and studied her. Yes, she must have been very
pretty; the uncles always said, a little doll. She was
sixty now and no longer made any pretence to beauty;
but she was still charming in a child-like and doll-
like fashion. She had the wrinkles and the deeper
furrows of an elderly woman; but the skin of her
forehead and cheeks was still white and soft, with-
out a blemish, tenderly veined at the temples. She
had become very grey; but, as she had been very
fair and her hair was soft and curly, it sometimes
looked as if she had remained fair; and, simply
though that hair appeared to be done, fastened up
with one quick movement and pinned, there were
still some almost childish little locks curling at the
temples and in the neck. Her short, slim figure
was almost that of a young woman; her hands
were small and pretty; in fact, there was a pretti-
ness about her whole person; and pretty above all
were the young, blue eyes. Lot, who smiled as he
looked at his mother, saw in her a woman over
whom an emotional life, a life of love and hate,
had passed without telling very much upon her.
And yet Mamma had been through a good deal,
with her three husbands, all three of whom she had
loved, all three of whom, without exception, she now
hated. A butterfly she had certainly been, but just
an unthinking butterfly, simply because her nature
was a butterfly's. She had loved much, but even a
8 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
deep passion would not have made her life or her
different; naturally and unconsciously she was in
headstrong opposition to everything. She had never
been economical; and yet her house was never com-
fortable, nor had she ever spent much on dress, un-
consciously despising elegance and comfort and feel-
ing that she attracted through herself and not
through any artistic surroundings. Mamma's get-up
was like nothing on earth, Lot thought; the only cosy
room in the house was his. Mamma, mad on read-
ing, read very modern French novels, which she did
not always understand, despite a life of love and
hatred, having remained innocent in many things and
totally ignorant of the darker phases of passion.
Then Lot would see, while she was reading, that she
was surprised and did not understand; a simple,
childish wonder would come into her eyes; she never
dared ask Lot for an explanation. . . .
Lot got up; he was going to Elly that evening.
He kissed his mother, with his constant little laugh
of silent amusement, his little laugh at Mamma.
" You never used to go out every evening," said
Mamma, reproachfully; and she felt the thorn in
her heart's flesh.
" I'm in love now," said Lot, calmly. " And
engaged. And a fellow must go and see his girl,
you know. . . . Will you think over my question,
why I really proposed to Elly . . . and will you
manage without me this evening? "
" I shall have to do that many evenings. . * , "
THINGS THAT PASS 9
Mamma pretended to be absorbed in her French
novel, but, as soon as Lot had left the room, she
put down the book and looked round, vaguely, with
a look of helplessness in her blue eyes. She did not
move when the maid brought in the tea-tray and
kettle; she sat staring before her, across her book.
The water sang its bubbling song; outside the
windows, after the last summer heat, the first cold
wind blew with its wonted plaint. Ottilie felt her-
self abandoned: oh, how little of everything re-
mained ! There she was now, there she was, the
old, grey-haired woman! What was there left of
her life? And yet, strange to say, her three hus-
bands were all three alive : Lot had been lately to
Brussels with Elly, to see his father; Trevelley was
spending a life of pleasure in London : when all was
said, she had liked him the best. Her three English
children lived in England, felt more English than
Dutch; Ottilie was leading her curious, unconven-
tional life at Nice: the whole family cried scandal
about it; and Lot she was now about to lose. He
had always stayed with her so nicely, though he
went abroad pretty frequently; and he had hardly
any friends at the Hague and never went to the
Witte. 1 Now he was going to be married; he was
no longer young, for a young man ; he must be thirty-
eight, surely? To occupy herself a little now, beside
her lonely tea-tray and bubbling water, she began
1 The Witte and the Plaats are the two leading clubs at the
Hague.
io OLD PEOPLE AND THE
to count her children's ages on her tiny fingers.
Ottilie, Lot's sister, her eldest, forty-one : heavens,
how old she was growing! The English ones, as
she always called them " my three English child-
ren" Mary, thirty-five; John, thirty-two; even her
handsome Hugh was thirty: heavens above, how
old they were growing! And, once she was busy
calculating ages, to amuse herself, she reckoned out
that old Mamma would now soon be let's see
yes, she would be ninety-seven. Old Mr. Takma,
Elly's grandpapa, was only a year or two younger;
and, when she thought of him, Ottilie reflected that
it was very strange that Mr. Takma had always
been so nice to her, as though it were really true
what people used to whisper, formerly, when people
still interested themselves in the family. So curious,
those two old people : they saw each other almost
every day; for Papa Takma was hale and still went
out often, always walking the short distance from
the Mauritskade to the Nassaulaan and crossing the
razor-back bridge with rare vigour. Yes . . .
and then Sister Therese, in Paris, eight years older
than herself, must be sixty-eight; and the brothers:
Daan, in India, 1 seventy; Harold, seventy-three;
Anton, seventy-five; while Stefanie, the only child of
Mamma's first marriage and the only De Laders,
was getting on for seventy-seven. She, Ottilie, the
youngest, felt that all those others were very old;
and yet she was old too : she was sixty. It was all
1 Dutch East Indies: Java.
THINGS THAT PASS u
a matter of comparison, growing old, different ages ;
but she had always felt it so : that she, the youngest,
was comparatively young and always remained
younger than the others, than all the others. She
had to laugh, secretly, when Stef anie kept on saying :
"At our age ..."
Why, Stef anie was seventy-seven! There was
a difference rather! between sixty and seventy-
seven. But she shrugged her shoulders : what did it
matter? It was all over and so long ago. There
she sat now, an old, grey-haired woman, and the
aftermath of life dragged on and the loneliness
increased daily, even though Steyn was here still:
there he was, coming in. Where on earth did he
go to every evening? She heard the fox-terrier
barking in the passage and her husband's deep, bass
voice :
"Hush, Jack! Quiet, Jack! . . ."
Oh, that voice, how she hated it!
What had she, whom had she left? She had five
children, but only Lot with her; and he went abroad
so often and was now going to be married: oh, how
jealous it made her! Ottilie she never saw nowa-
days; Ottilie didn't care for her mother; she sang
at concerts and had made a name for herself: she
had a glorious voice ; but she certainly behaved very
strangely: Stefanie spoke of her as "lost." Mary
was married, in India, 1 and her two English boys
were in London : oh, how she sometimes longed for
* ' British India.
12
Hugh! Which of her children was any use or
comfort to her, except that dear Lot? And Lot
was going to be married and he was asking her,
his mother, who would miss him so, why he was
going to be married, why! Of course, he was only
joking, really; but perhaps it was also serious in
part. Did people ever know anything? . . . Did
they know why they did a thing ... in their im-
pulsiveness. She had married three times. . . .
Perhaps Ottilie was right after all? But no, there
was the world, there were people, even though
neither the world nor people had interested them-
selves in the family of late years; but still there
they were ; and you couldn't act as Ottilie did, with-
out making yourself altogether impossible. That
was why she, Mamma, had married, had married
three times. Perhaps she ought never to have mar-
ried at all: it would have been better for a heap
of things, a heap of people. . . . The old life was
all gone. It had vanished, as if it had never existed.
And yet it had existed and, when it passed, had left
much behind it, but nothing except melancholy
ghosts and shadows. Yes, this evening she was in
a serious mood and felt like thinking, a thing which
otherwise she did as seldom as possible : what good
did thinking do? When she had thought, in her
life, she had never thought to any practical pur-
pose. When she had yielded to impulse, things had
been worse still. What was the good of wanting to
live, when nevertheless your life was mapped out
THINGS THAT PASS 13
for you by things stronger than yourself that slum-
bered in your blood?
Ottilie gave herself up to her French novel, for
Steyn de Weert had entered the room, with Jack
leaping in front of him. And any one who had
seen Mamma a moment ago and saw her now would
have noticed this phenomenon, that Mamma became
much older as soon as her husband entered. The
plump cheeks contracted nervously and the lines
round the nose and mouth grew deeper. The little
straight nose stuck out more sharply, the forehead
frowned angrily. The fingers, which were tearing
the pages of a novel anyhow with a hairpin,
trembled; and the page was torn awry. The back
became rounder, like that of a cat assuming the
defensive. She said nothing, but poured out the
tea.
" Coosh ! " she said to the dog.
And, glad that the dog came to her, she patted
him on the head with a half-caress; and the fox-
terrier, giving a last sharp bark, spun round upon
himself and, very suddenly, nestled down on Ottilie's
skirt, with a deep sigh. Steyn de Weert, sitting
opposite her, drank his tea. It appeared strange
that they should be man and wife, for Mamma now
certainly looked her age and Steyn seemed almost
young. He was a tall fellow, broad-shouldered, not
more than just fifty, with a handsome, fresh-
coloured, healthy face, the face of a strong out-
of-doors man, calm in glance and movement. The
i 4 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
fact that, years ago, he had thrown away his life,
from a sense of honour, upon a woman much older
than himself had afterwards inspired him with an
indifference that ceased to reckon what might still
be in store for him. What was spoilt was spoilt,
squandered for good, irretrievably. There was the
open air, which was cool and fresh; there was shoot-
ing; there was a drink, when he wanted one; there
were his old friends, dating back to the time when
he was an officer in the dragoons. Beyond these
there were the little house and this old woman: he
accepted them into the bargain, because it couldn't
be helped. In externals he did, as far as possible,
what she wanted, because she could be so temper-
some and was so obstinate; but his cool stubborn-
ness was a silent match for hers. Lot was a capital
fellow, a little weak and unexpected and effeminate;
but he was very fond of Lot : he was glad that Lot
lived with them; he had given Lot one of the best
rooms in the house to work in. For the rest . . .
for the rest, there were other things; but they were
no concern of anybody. Hang it all, he was a
young man still, even though his thick hair was
beginning to turn grey! His marriage had come
about through a point of honour; but his wife was
old, she was very old. The thing was really rather
absurd. He would never^make a hell of his life,
as long as he still felt well and strong. With a good
dose of indifference you can shake off everything.
It was this indifference of his which irritated his
THINGS THAT PASS 15
wife, till she felt as nervous as a cat when he did
no more than enter the room. He had not spoken
a word, sat drinking his tea, reading the newspaper
which he had brought with him. In the small living-
room, where the gas hummed and the wind rattled
the panes, the fox-terrier sometimes snorted in
dreams that made him groan and moan on the
trailing edge of his mistress' dress.
" Coosh ! " she said.
And for the rest neither of them spoke, both sat
reading, one her book, the other his evening-paper.
And these two people, whose lives had been welded
together by civil contract, because of the man's
feelings of conventional honesty and his sense of
not being able to act otherwise as a man of honour,
these two had once, years ago, twenty years ago,
longed passionately, the man for the woman and
the woman for the man. When Steyn de Weert
was a first lieutenant, a good-looking fellow, just
turned thirty, he had met Mrs. Trevelley, without
knowing her age. Besides, what did age matter
when he set eyes upon a woman so ravishingly beau-
tiful to his quick desire that he had at once, at the
first moment that he saw her, felt the blood flaming
in his veins and thought:
' That woman I must have ! . . . "
At that time, though already forty, she was a
woman so full of blossoming prettiness that she was
still known as the beautiful Lietje. She was small,
but perfect in shape and particularly charming in
1 6 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
feature, charming in the still very young lines of
throat and breast, creamy white, with a few pale-
gold freckles; charming with blue eyes of innocence
and very fair, soft, wavy hair; charmingly half-
woman and half-child, moulded for love, who seemed
to exist only that she might rouse glowing desires.
When Steyn de Weert saw her thus for the first
time, in some ultra-modern Hague drawing-room
of the Dutch-Indian set, she was married to her
second husband, that half-Englishman, Trevelley,
who was supposed to have made money in India;
and Steyn had seen her the mother of three biggish
children: a girl of fifteen and two boys a little
younger; but the enamoured dragoon had refused
to believe that, by her first marriage, with Pauws,
from whom she had been divorced because of
Trevelley, she had a daughter at the Conservatoire
at Liege and a son of eighteen at home ! The
beautiful Lietje? She had married very young, in
India, and she was still the beautiful Lietje. Such
big children? Was that woman forty? The young
officer had perhaps hesitated a moment, tried, now
that he knew so much, to view Mrs. Tr'.velley with
other eyes; but, when he looked in hers and saw
that she desired him as he did her, he forgot every-
thing. Why not cull a moment of happiness? What
was an instant of love with a still seductive and
beautiful woman? A triumph for a week, a month,
a couple of months; and then each would go a
different way.
THINGS THAT PASS 17
That was how he had thought at the time; but
now, now he was sitting here, because that bounder
of a Trevelley, who wanted to get rid of Ottilie,
had taken advantage of their relations to create a
scandal and, after a pretence at a duel, to insist on
a divorce; because all the Hague had talked about
Ottilie, when she was left standing alone with a
lover; and because he, Steyn, was an honest chap
after all: that, that was why he was sitting here,
with that old woman opposite him. Not a word
was uttered between them; they drank their tea;
the tray was removed; Jack dreamed and moaned;
the wind howled. The pages followed in quick
succession under Ottilie's fingers; and Steyn read
the Manchurian war-news and the advertisements,
the advertisements and the war-news. The room
around them, married though they were, looked as
it had always looked, impersonal and unhomely;
the clock ticked on and on, under its glass shade.
It looked like a waiting-room, that drawing-room:
a waiting-room where, after many things that had
passed, two people sat waiting. Sat waiting . . .
for what? ^or the end that was so slow in coming,
for the final death.
Steyn restrained himself and read through the
advertisements once more. But his wife, suddenly
shutting up her book, said, abruptly:
"Frans!"
"Eh?"
" I was talking to Lot just now."
1 8 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
"Yes . . ."
" Would you object if they stayed on with us,
he and Elly?"
" No, on the contrary."
But it seemed as though Steyn's calm consent just
irritated his wife, perhaps against her own will, into
contradiction :
" Yes, but it wouldn't be so easy ! " she said.
" Why not? "
" The house is too small."
" We can move."
" A bigger house would be more expensive. Have
you the money for it? "
" I think that, with what Lot makes and with
Elly's allowance ..."
" No, a bigger house is too dear."
"Well, then here. ..."
" This is too small."
" Then it can't be done."
Ottilie rose, angrily:
" No, of course not : nothing can ever be done.
Because of that wretched money. But I'll tell you
this: when Lot is married, I can't ... I
c-can't ..."
She stammered when she was angry.
"Well, what can't you?"
" I c-can't . . . stay alone with you 1 I shall
go to Nice, to Ottilie."
" All right, go."
He said it calmly, with great indifference, and
THINGS THAT PASS 19
took up his paper again. But it was enough to make
Ottilie, who was highly strung, burst into sobs:
" You don't care a bit about me any more ! "
Steyn shrugged his shoulders and went out of the
room and upstairs; the dog sprang in front of him,
barking.
Ottilie remained alone; and her sobs ceased at
once. She knew it herself the years had taught
her as much as that she easily lost her temper
and would always remain a child. But, in that case,
why grow older, in ever-increasing loneliness? There
she sat, there she sat now, an old, grey woman, in
that unhomely room; and everything was past. Oh,
if Lot only remained with her, her Lot, her Chariot,
her boy! And she felt her jealousy of Lot and
Elly, at first restrained, rising more and more
violently. And that other jealousy : her jealousy of
Steyn. He irritated her when he merely entered
the room; but she still remained jealous of him,
as she always had been of every man that loved
her. Oh, to think that he no longer cared about
her, because she had grown old ! Oh, to think that
he never uttered a word of affection now, never gave
her a kiss on her forehead ! She was jealous of Elly
because of Lot, she was jealous of Lot because of
Steyn, because Steyn really cared more for Lot,
nowadays, than for her ! How cruel the years were,
slowly to take everything from her! The years
were past, the dear, laughing love-years, full of
caresses; all that was past! Even the dog had just
20 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
gone off with Steyn: no living creature was nice to
her; and why need Lot suddenly go getting married
now? She felt so forlorn that, after the forced
sobs, which she had stopped as soon as they were
no longer necessary, she sank into a chair and wept
softly, really weeping, this time, because no one
loved her and because she was forlorn. Her still
young and beautiful eyes, overflowing with tears,
looked into the vanished past. Then in the days
when she was the beautiful Lietje everything about
her had been pleasant, nice, caressing, playful,
jesting, almost adoring and entreating, because she
was so pretty and gay and attractive and had an
irresistible laugh and a temper full of the most
delightful little whims. True, through all this there
was always the sting of jealousy; but in those days
so much of it had come her way: all the caressing
homage which the world, the world of men, expends
on a pretty woman ! She laughed at it through her
tears; and the memory meandered around her,
bright as pretty little, distant clouds. Oh, what a
wealth of adulation had surrounded her then ! Now,
all those men were old or dead; only her own three
husbands were alive ; and Steyn was still young. He
was too young: if he had not been so young, she
would have kept her charm for him longer and they
would still be nice to each other, happy together as
old people can be sometimes, even though the
warmth of youth is past. . . . She heaved a deep
sigh through her tears and sat in her chair like a
21
helpless child that has been naughty and now does
not know what to do. What was there for her to
do now? Just to go quietly to bed, in her lonely
room, an old woman's room, in her lonely bed, and
to wake in the morning and drag one more old day
after the old, old days ! Ah, why could she not have
died while she was young?
She rang and told the maid to lock up ; and these
little habits had for her the disconsolateness of
everyday repetition, because it all seemed unneces-
sary. Then she went upstairs. The little house was
very tiny: a small suite of rooms on the ground-
floor, above that a suite with a little dressing-room
in addition to her room and Lot's, while Steyn had
hoisted himself up to the attic floor, doubtless so
as not to be too near his wife. And, as she un-
dressed, she reflected that, if Elly would consent
to make shift, it might just be possible: she would
give up her present big room, with the three
windows, to Lot and Elly; she, oh, she could sleep
in what was now Lot's little room: what did she
care? If only children did not come too quickly I
Oh, if only she did not lose Lot altogether! He
asked her why he had proposed to Elly! He asked
it in his usual half-jesting way; but it was not nice
of him to ask it: she was glad that she had answered
quietly and not worked herself into a temper. Oh,
the pain, the physical pain which she sometimes
suffered from that thorn in her heart's flesh, because
of love, affection, caresses even, that went out to
22 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
another! And sadly, pitying herself, she got into
bed. The room was empty around her and un-
homely: the bedroom of a woman who does not
care for all the trifles of comfort and the vanities
of the toilet and whose great joy always was to
long for the love and caresses of those whom she
found attractive, because of the once often secret
wave of passion that flowed between them and
her. For this she had neglected the whole of the
other life of a wife, of a mother, even of a woman
of the world and even of a smart woman, not caring
for it, despising auxiliaries, feeling sure of her
fascinations and very little of a mother by nature.
Oh, she was old now and alone ! And she lay lonely
in her chilly bed; and that evening she had not even
the consolation that Lot would come from the room
next to hers to give her a good-night kiss in bed as he
knew how, pettingly, a long, fond kiss on her fore-
head. At such times he would sit for a moment
on the edge of her bed, have a last chat with her;
and then, sometimes, passing his delicate hand over
her cheek, he would say :
" Mamma, what a soft skin you have ! "
When he came home now, he would think that
she was asleep and would go to bed. She sighed:
she felt so lonely. Above Lot's room you could
hear everything in that house she heard Steyn
pounding about. The maid also was going to bed
now; out of her own bed Ottilie listened to all those
sounds: doors opening; shoes put outside; a basin
THINGS THAT PASS 23
emptied. It now became very still and she reflected
what a good thing it was that she always chose old
servants. She thought of it with a certain mis-
chievous joy, glad that Steyn had no chance, with
elderly servants. The house was now quiet for the
night, though it was not yet eleven. . . .
Had she been asleep? Why did she wake sud-
denly ? What was that creaking on the stairs ? Was
it Lot coming home ? Or was it Steyn sneaking out
again? Was it Lot? Was it Steyn? Her heart
thumped in her chest. And she got out of bed
quickly and, before she knew what she was doing,
opened the door and saw a match struck flickering
in the hall. . . .
" Is that you, Lot? "
" No, it's I."
"You, Frans?"
"Yes, what's the matter?"
His voice sounded irritated, because she had
heard him.
;< What are you doing? "
" I'm going out."
" At this time of night? "
' Yes. I can't sleep. I'm going for a walk."
' You're going for a walk at this hour?"
" Yes."
" Frans, you're not faithful to me 1 "
"Oh, rot! Not faithful to you! Go back to
bed."
" Frans, I won't have you go out."
24 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
11 Look here ! "
"Do stay at home, Frans! Lot isn't back yet
and I'm frightened, alone. Do, Frans!"
Her voice sounded like that of a pleading child.
" I want some air."
"You want ..."
She did not finish her sentence, suddenly choking
with anger. On the top floor she knew it the
old servant-maid was standing with her door ajar,
laughing and grinning. She knew it. She felt
stifled with rage, with nervous rage; she quivered
all over her body, shivering in her night-dress. The
hall-door had opened and shut. Steyn was outside;
and she . . . she was still standing on the stairs
above. She clenched her fists, she panted; she could
have run after him, in her night-dress; the big tears
sprang from her child-eyes; but, ashamed because
of the maid, she went back to her room.
She cried, cried very softly, so as not to let the
maid hear, so that the maid should not have that
added enjoyment. Oh, that pain, that sting, here,
in her heart, a physical pain, a physical pain! No
one who did not feel it as she did could know the
physical pain which it gave her, the sort of pain
one describes to a doctor. Where could Steyn be
going? He was still so young, he still looked so
well-set-up. And yet he was her husband, her
husband ! Oh, why had he not remained nice to
her, old though she was? She never even felt the
touch of his hand now! And how at one time she
THINGS THAT PASS 25
had felt that touch tingle through all her being!
Oh, never again, never even a kiss, a kind kiss, such
as old people still exchange at times !
She did not go to bed; she waited up. Would
Steyn come back soon? Was that . . . was that
he coming now? No, it was Lot: it was his key
she heard, his lighter footstep.
And she opened the door:
"Lot!"
" Mummy, aren't you in bed yet? "
" No, dear. Lot, Lot, come here I "
He went into her room.
" Lot, Steyn is out."
"Out?"
" Yes, he went to his room first . . . and then
I heard him go quietly down the stairs; then he
went out of the hall-door, quietly."
" He didn't want to wake you, Mummy."
" Ah, but where has he gone to? "
" For a walk. He often does. It's very hot and
close."
"Gone for a walk, Lot, gone for a walk? No,
he's gone ..."
She stood in front of him he could see it by the
candle-light blazing with passion. Her little figure
in the white night-dress was like that of a fury with
the curly yellow hair, shot with grey, all shining;
everything that was sweet in her seethed up into a
raging temper, as though she were irritated to the
utmost, and she felt an impulse suddenly to raise her
26 THINGS THAT PASS
hand and box Lot's ears with its small, quivering
fingers for daring to defend Steyn. She controlled
herself and controlled her wrath, but words of vul-
gar invective and burning reproach came foaming
to her trembling lips.
"Come, Mummy, Mummy 1 Come!"
Lot tried to calm her. And he took her in his
arms and patted her back, as one does to an excited
child:
" Come, Mummy, come ! "
She now burst into sobs. But he remonstrated
with her gently, said that she was exaggerating, that
she had been overwrought lately, that he absolutely
refused to get married if she did not become calmer;
and very prettily he flirted with her in this way and
persuaded her to go to bed, tucked her in, shook up
her pillows :
" Come, Mummy, go to sleep now and don't be
silly. Let Steyn go for his walk in peace, don't think
of Steyn, don't think of anything. ..."
She acquiesced, under the stroke of his delicate
hand on her hair, her cheek.
'Will you go to sleep now, you silly Mummy?
... I say, Mummy, what a soft skin you
have! .
CHAPTER II
ELLY TAKMA was very happy and looked better
than she had done for a long time. Well, thought
Cousin Adele, who had long kept house for Grand-
papa Takma she was a Takma too and unmarried
well, a first little love-romance which a girl
experiences when not much over twenty and which
makes her feel unhappy, an engagement broken off
with a fellow who used to go and see his mistress
after spending the evening with his betrothed: a
romance of that sort does not influence a girl's life;
and, though Elly had moped for a while, Lot Pauws
was making her happy and making her look better,
with a glad laugh on her lips and a bright colour
in her cheeks.
Cousin Adele Aunt Adele, as Elly called her,
Indian-fashion buxom, full-figured, fresh and
young-looking for her age, had nothing of a poor
relation employed to do the housekeeping, but was
altogether the capable mistress of the house, seeing
to everything, caring for nothing but the details of
her household and proud of her orderly home.
She had never been in India and ruled Grand-
papa's house with true Dutch conscientiousness,
leaving Elly entirely to her hobby of the moment;
27
28 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
for Elly had her hobbies, which she rode until she
attained absolute perfection, after which she would
take up a fresh one. At eighteen, she had been a
famous tennis-player, winning medals in tourna-
ments, well-known for her exquisite, powerful and
graceful play, mentioned in all the sporting-papers.
After achieving perfection in tennis, she had sud-
denly grown bored with it, hung up her racket,
studded round with the medals, by a pink ribbon
in her bedroom and begun to work zealously for
the Charity Organization Society, doing much prac-
tical slumming and sick-visiting; they thought highly
of her in the committee. One day, however, when
a sick man showed her his leg with a hole in it, she
fainted and considered that she had overstepped her
philanthropic limits. She resigned the work; and,
feeling a certain handiness quivering at the tips of
her sensitive fingers, she started making her own
hats and also modelling. She was successful in both
pursuits: the hats were so pretty that she thought
seriously of setting up as a milliner and working
for her living. The modelling too was most charm-
ing: after the first few lessons, she was modelling
from the life; and her head of A Beggar Boy was
accepted for exhibition. Then Elly had fallen in
love and was very much in love; her engagement
lasted three months; then it was broken off; and
Elly, who did nothing by halves, for all her varying
interests, had suffered a great deal and faded and
pined and been dangerously ill, until one day she
THINGS THAT PASS 29
recovered, with a feeling of melancholy as her only
remembrance.
She was then twenty-three and had taken to
writing. Under a pseudonym, she published her
own engagement in the form of a short story: it
was not a bad short story. Her new hobby brought
her gradually into contact with Charles Pauws, who
also wrote, mostly for the newspapers : articles,
cauteries. Elly was of opinion that she had soon
reached her literary limits. After this short story,
which had blossomed in her and blossomed out of
her heart, she would never write anything more.
She was twenty-three, she was old. She had lived
her life, with different vicissitudes. Still there was
something, there was Charles. Soft, weak, passably
witty, with his mother's attractive eyes, with his
fair hair carefully brushed, with his too pale blue
ties, he was not the man of her dreams; and she
still felt, sometimes very grievously, the sadness
of her sorrow. But she was fond of him, she
was very fond of him and she considered that he
was wasting his talent on trivial work, on journal-
ism, which he did with remarkable ease after all,
it was an art in itself, Charles would retort
whereas his two novels were so good; and he had
attempted no serious work for the last ten years.
And in this girl, with her thoroughness within
limits there arose, on the now somewhat romantic
ground of her melancholy and her sorrow, the mis-
sion to rouse Lot to work, to produce real work,
30 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
fine work. She must work no longer for herself but
for another, for Lot, who possessed so many good
qualities, but did not cultivate them earnestly. She
saw more and more of him; she had him to tea; they
talked,talked at great length; Lot, though not physi-
cally in love with her, thought it really pleasant to be
with Elly, allowed himself to be stimulated, began
a novel, stuck in the middle. She created in his
mind the suggestion that he wanted her. And he
proposed to her. She was very happy and he too,
though they were not passionately in love. They
were attracted by the prospect of being together,
talking together, living, working, travelling together,
in the smiling sympathy of their two souls: his a
rather small, vain, cynical, artistic soul, with above
all much kindly indulgence for others and a tinge
of laughing bitterness and one great dread, which
utterly swayed his soul, the dread of growing old;
hers, at this moment, full of the serious thought
of remaining true to her mission and giving her life
a noble object by wrapping it up in another's.
Elly, that morning, was singing while the wind
sent the early autumn leaves driving in a shower of
golden sunlight along the window-panes. She was
busy altering a winter hat, with a talent which she
had not quite lost, when Cousin Aunt Adele
entered the room:
"Grandpapa has had a bad night; I kept on
hearing him moving."
" Yes, then he's troubled with buzzings which are
THINGS THAT PASS 31
just like voices," said Elly. " Grandpapa is always
hearing those voices, you know. Dr. Thielens looks
upon them as a premonitory symptom of total deaf-
ness. Poor Grandad ! I'll go to him at once . . .
I must just finish my hat first: I want to wear it to-
day. We are going to old Mrs. Dercksz and to Aunt
Stefanie. . . . Auntie, I am so happy. Lot is so
nice. And he is so clever. I am certain that we
shall be very happy. I want to travel a great deal.
Lot loves travelling. . . . There is some talk of
our living with Steyn and Ottilie. I don't know what
to say. I would rather we were by ourselves. Still,
I don't know. I'm very fond of Mamma; and she's
Lot's mother after all. But I like harmony around
me; and Steyn and she quarrel. I call him Steyn,
simply. Meneer is too stiff; and I can't call him
Papa. Besides, Lot calls him Steyn too. It's diffi-
cult, that sort of household. Steyn himself would
think it odd if I called him Papa. . . . Do you
like the hat like this? I'll alter yours to-morrow.
Look, it's an absolutely new hat! . . . I'll go to
Grandpapa now. Poor Grandad, so he's had a
bad night? ..."
She left the door open. Aunt Adele looked round :
the room was lumbered with hat-trimmings. The
Beggar Boy smiled in a corner; the medals were
studded round the racket, on its pink ribbon; the
writing-table was tesselated with squares of note-
paper.
" What a litter! " said Aunt Adele.
32 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
She dared not touch the papers, though she would
have liked to tidy them: she could not bear to see
such a heap of scattered papers and she had to
restrain her itching fingers. But she cleared up the
hat-trimmings, quickly, and put them away in card-
board boxes. Then she went downstairs, where the
maids were turning out the dining-room. Elly,
flitting up the stairs, heard the blows beating on an
arm-chair, felt them almost on her own back, ran
still quicker up the stairs, to the next floor, where
Grandpapa's room was. She stopped outside his
door, recovered her breath, knocked, opened the
door and went in with a calm step:
"How are you this morning, Grandad?"
The old gentleman sat at a knee-hole table, look-
ing in a drawer; he locked it quietly when Elly
entered. She went up and kissed him:
" I hear you did not sleep well? "
"No, child, I don't think I slept at all. But
Grandad can do without sleep."
Grandpapa Takma was ninety-three : married late
in life and his son married late made it possible
for him to have a granddaughter of Elly's age. He
looked younger, however, much younger, perhaps
because he tactfully mingled a seeming indifference to
his outward appearance with a really studied care. A
thin garland of grey hair still fringed the ivory skull;
the clean-shaven face was like a stained parchment,
but the mouth, because of the artificial teeth, had
retained its young and laughing outline and the eyes
THINGS THAT PASS 33
were a clear brown, bright and even keen behind his
spectacles. His figure was small, slender and slight
as a young man's; and a very short jacket hung over
his slightly-arched and emaciated back: it was open
in front and hung in folds behind. The hands, too
large in proportion to the man's short stature, but
delicately veined and neatly kept, trembled inces-
santly; and there was a jerk in the muscles of the
neck that twitched the head at intervals. His tone
was cheerful and lively, a little too genial not to
be forced; and the words came slowly and well-
weighed, however simple the things which they
expressed. When he sat, he sat upright, on an ordi-
nary chair, never huddled together, as though he
were always on his guard; when he walked, he walked
briskly, with very short steps of his stiff legs, so as
not to betray their rheumatism. He had been an
Indian civil servant, ending as a member of the
Indian Council, and had been pensioned years ago;
his conversation showed that he kept pace with
politics, kept pace with colonial matters : he laughed
at them, with mild irony. In his intercourse with
others, who were always his juniors for he had
no contemporaries save old Mrs. Dercksz, nee
Dillenhof, who was ninety-seven, and Dr. Roelofsz,
eighty-eight in his intercourse he was kindly and
condescending, realizing that the world must seem
other to people even of sixty and seventy than it
did to him; but the geniality was too great, was
sometimes too exuberant not to be assumed and not
34 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
to make people feel that he never thought as he
spoke. He gave the impression of being a diplomat-
ist who, himself always on his guard, was sounding
another to find out what he knew. Sometimes, in
his bright eyes, a spark shone behind the spectacles,
as though he had suddenly been struck by some-
thing, a very acute perception; and the jerk of the
neck would throw his head on one side, as though
he suddenly heard something. His mouth would
then distort itself into a laugh and he would hur-
riedly agree with whomever he was addressing.
What was most striking in him was that quick,
tremulous lucidity in so very old a man. It was as
though some strange capacity had sharpened his
senses so that they remained sound and serviceable,
for he still read a great deal, with glasses; he was
sharp of hearing; he was particular in the matter
of wine, with an unimpaired sense of smell; he could
find things in the dark. Only, sometimes, in the
midst of a conversation, it was as though an invin-
cible drowsiness overcame him; and his eyes would
suddenly stare glassily in front of him and he would
fall asleep. They left him alone and had the civility
not to let him know it; and, five minutes later, he
would wake up, go on talking, oblivious of that
momentary unconsciousness. The inward shock with
which he had woke was visible to no one.
Elly went to see her grandfather in the morning,
always for a minute.
" We are going to pay calls this afternoon," said
THINGS THAT PASS 35
Elly. " On the family. We have been nowhere
yet."
" Not even to Grandmamma."
" We shall go to her first this afternoon. Grandad,
we've been engaged three days. And you can't go
troubling everybody with your happiness immedi-
ately."
" And you are happy, child," Grandpapa began,
genially.
"I think so. ..."
" I'm sorry I can't keep you with me, you and
Lot," he continued, lightly: he sometimes had an
airy way of treating serious topics; and his thin
voice then lacked emphasis. " But you see, I'm too
old for that: a young household grafted on mine!
Besides, to live by yourselves is more charming.
. . . Baby, we never talk of money, you and
I. As you know, Papa left nothing and he ran
through your mother's money, lost it in different
businesses in Java; they none of them succeeded.
Your poor parents never had any luck. Well, Baby,
I'm not a rich man, but 1 can live like this, on my
Mauritskade, because an old man doesn't want
much and Aunt Adele manages things so cleverly.
I've worked out that I can give you two hun-
dred guilders a month. But that's all, child, that's
all."
" But, Grandad, it's really very handsome. ..."
'* Well, you can accept it from your grandfather.
You're my heiress, after all, though you're not all
36 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
alone; no, Grandfather has others: kind acquaint-
ances, good friends. ... It won't last very long
now, child. You won't be rich, for my house is my
only luxury. All the rest, as you know, is on an
economical scale. But you will have enough,
especially later on; and Lot appears to make a
good bit. Oh, it's not money that matters to him,
child : what matters to him is . . . is . . ."
"What, Grandad?"
A drowsiness suddenly overcame the old man.
But, in a few minutes, he resumed:
" There is some talk of your living with
Steyn. ..."
" Yes, but nothing's decided."
" Ottilie is nice, but hot-tempered," said the old
gentleman, sunk in thought: he seemed to be think-
ing of other things, of more important things
especially.
" If I do, it will be for Mamma's sake, Grandad,
because she is so much attached to Lot. I would
rather have my own little house. But we shall travel
a good deal in any case. Lot says that he can travel
cheaply."
" You might be able to do it, child, with a little
tact: live with the Steyns, I mean. Ottilie is certainly
very much alone, poor thing. Who knows? Perhaps
you would supply a little affection, a little
sympathy. ..."
His airy voice became softer, fuller, sounded more
earnest.
THINGS THAT PASS 37
' We shall see, Grandpapa. Will you stay up-
stairs, or are you coming down to lunch?"
" No, send me something up here. I've not much
appetite, I've no appetite. ..."
His voice sounded airy again, like the whisper of
a breeze.
"It's windy weather; and I think it's going to
rain. Are you going out all the same, this after-
noon? "
" For a moment, I think. . . . To Mrs.
Dercksz' ..."
'To Grandmamma's. ..."
' Yes, yes, better say Grandmamma. When you
see her, call her Grandmamma at once. It's less
stiff: she will like it ... even though you're not
married to Lot yet. ..."
His voice sank; he sighed, as though he were think-
ing of other things, of more important things; and,
with the jerk in his neck, he started up and remained
like that for a second, with his head on one side,
as if he heard something, as if he were listening.
Elly did not think Grandpapa looking well to-day.
The drowsiness overcame him again; his head
dropped and his eyes grew glassy. And he sat
there, so frail and fragile, as if one could have blown
the life out of him like a dancing feather. Elly,
after a moment's hesitation, left him alone. The
old gentleman gave a start, when he heard the door
close gently, and recovered his full consciousness.
He sat for a second or two without moving. Then
38 THINGS THAT PASS
he unlocked the drawer of his writing-table, with
which he had been busy before, and took out the
pieces of a letter that had already been torn up.
He tore the pieces still smaller, as small as they
possibly could be, and scattered them in his waste-
paper-basket, in among other discarded papers.
After that he tore up a second letter, after that a
third, without reading them over. He scattered the
tiny pieces in the basket and shook the basket, shook
the basket. The tearing tired his stiff fingers; the
shaking tired his arm.
" A few more this afternoon," he muttered. " It's
getting time, it's getting time. . . ."
CHAPTER III
THE old gentleman went out at about three o'clock,
alone: he did not like to be accompanied when he
went, though he was glad to be brought back home ;
but he would never ask for this service. Aunt
Adele looked out of the window and followed him
with her eyes as he turned by the barracks and
crossed the razor-back bridge. He was not going
farther than just down the Nassaulaan, to Mrs.
Dercksz'; and he managed the distance with a
delicate, erect figure and straight legs: he did not
even look so very old a man, in his overcoat but-
toned up to the throat, even though each step was
carefully considered and supported by his heavy,
ivory-knobbed stick. In order above all not to let
it be perceived that this short walk was his exer-
cise and his relaxation, a great deal of exercise and
relaxation for his now merely nervous strength, he
had needs to consider every step; but he succeeded
in walking as though without difficulty, stiff and
upright, and he studied his reflection in the plate-
glass of the ground-floor windows. In the street,
he did not strike a passer-by as so very old. When
he rang, old Anna hurried and the cat slipped cross-
wise through her petticoats, cat and maid making for
the front-door at one run :
39
40 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" The old gentleman, I expect."
Then she drove the cat back to the kitchen, afraid
lest the old gentleman should stumble, and drew
him in with little remarks about the weather and
questions about his health; and to Takma it called
for rare art to let his overcoat, which he took off
in the hall, slip from his shoulders and arms into
the maid's hands. He did it slowly and gradually,
a little tired with the walk, but in the meanwhile he
recovered breath sufficiently to go upstairs, one
flight only, with the aid of the stick " We may as
well keep the stick, Anna," he would say for Mrs.
Dercksz nowadays never came down to the ground-
floor rooms.
She was expecting him.
He came almost every day; and, when he was
not coming, Aunt Adele or Elly would call round
to say so. So she sat, in her high-backed chair,
waiting for him. She sat at the window, looking
out at the gardens of the villas in the Sofialaan.
He murmured heartily, though his salutation was
indistinct :
"Well, Ottilie? . . . It's blowing out of
doors. . . . Yes, you've been coughing a bit
lately. . . . You must take care of yourself,
you know. . . . I'm all right, I'm all right,
as you see. ..."
With a few more words of genial heartiness, he
sat down straight upright in the arm-chair at the
other window, while Anna now for the first time
THINGS THAT PASS 41
relieved him of his hat, and rested his hands, still
clad in the wide, creased gloves of glace kid, on his
stick.
" I haven't seen you since the great news," said
Mrs. Dercksz.
" The children are coming presently to pay their
visit of inspection. ..."
They were both silent, their eyes looking into
each other's eyes, chary of words. And quietly for
a while they sat opposite each other, each at a
window of the narrow drawing-room. The old, old
woman sat in a twilight of crimson-rep curtains and
cream-coloured lace-and-canvas blinds, in addition to
a crimson-plush valance, which kept out the draught
and hung with a bend along the window-frame. She
had only moved just to raise her thin hand, in its
black mitten, for Takma to press. Now they both
sat as though waiting for something and yet pleased
to be waiting together. . . . The old lady was
ninety-seven and she knew that what she was waiting
for must come before her hundredth year had
dawned. ... In the twilight of that curtained
corner, against the sombre wall-paper, her face
seemed almost like a piece of white porcelain, with
wrinkles for the crackle, in that shadow into which
she still withdrew, continuing a former prudent
habit of not showing too much of her impaired
complexion; and her wig was glossy-black, sur-
mounted with the little black-lace cap; the loose
black dress fell in easy, thin lines around her almost
42 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
brittle, lean figure, but hid her so entirely in those
never-varying folds of supple cashmere that she could
never be really seen or known, but only suggested
in that dark drapery. Besides the face, nothing
else seemed alive but the frail fingers trembling in
her lap, like so many tapering, luminous wands
in their black mittens; the wrists were encircled in
close-fitting woollen cuffs. She sat upright on her
high-backed chair, as on a throne, supported by a
stiff, hard cushion; another cushion was under her
feet, which she never showed, as they were slightly
deformed by gout. Beside her, on a little table,
was some crochet-work, untouched for years, and the
newspapers, which were read to her by a com-
panion, an elderly lady who withdrew as soon as
Mr. Takma arrived. The room was neat and
simple, with a few framed photographs here and
there as the only ornament amid the highly-
polished, black, shiny furniture, the crimson sofa
and chairs, with a few pieces of china gleaming
in a glass cabinet. The closed folding-doors led
to the bedroom: these were the only two rooms
inhabited by the old woman, who took her light
meal in her chair.
Golden-sunny was the late summer day; and the
wind blew gaily, in a whirl of early yellow leaves,
through the garden of the Sofialaan.
" A nice view, that," said Mrs. Dercksz, as she
had said so often before, with her mittened hand
just hinting at an angular pointing gesture.
THINGS THAT PASS 43
The voice, long cracked, sounded softer than
pure Dutch and was mellower, with its Creole accent;
and, now that she looked out of the window, the
eyes also took on an eastern softness in the porce-
lain features and became darker. She did not
clearly distinguish things outside; but yet the
knowledge that there were flowers and trees over
the way was dear to her dim eyes.
" Fine asters in the garden opposite," said Takma.
' Yes," Mrs. Dercksz assented, unable to see
them, but now knowing about the asters.
She understood him quite well; her general deaf-
ness she concealed by never asking what was said
and by replying with a smile of her thin, closed lips
or a movement of her head.
After a pause, as each sat looking out of his own
window, she said:
11 1 saw Ottilie yesterday."
The old gentleman felt bewildered for a moment:
"Ottilie? "he asked.
" Lietje . . . my daughter. ..."
" Oh, yes ! . . . You saw Lietje yesterday.
r . . . I thought you were speaking of your-
self. ..."
" She was crying."
"Why?"
" Because Lot is going to be married."
"She'll be very lonely, poor Lietje; yet Steyn is
a decent fellow. ... . It's a pity. ... I like
< Steyn. . . ,"
44 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
"We are all of us lonely," said Mrs. Dercksz;
and the cracked voice sounded sad, as though she
were regretting a past full of vanished shades.
" Not all of us, Ottilie," said Takma. " You and
I have each other. We have always had each other.
. . . Our child, when Lot is married, will have
no one, not even her own husband."
"Ssh!" said the old woman; and the straight,
lean figure gave a shiver of terror in the twilight.
" There's no one here; we can speak at our ease."
" No, there's no one. ..."
" Did you think there was some one? "
"No, not now. . . . Sometimes ..."
"Yes?"
" Sometimes . . . you know . . . I think
there is."
" There's no one."
" No, there's no one."
"Why are you afraid?"
"Afraid? Am I afraid? What should I be
afraid of? I am too old . . . much too old
. . . to be afraid now. . . . Even though he
may stand over there."
"Ottilie!"
"Ssh!"
" There's no one."
" No."
" Have you . . . have you seen him lately? "
*' No. . . . No. . . . Not for months, per-
haps not . . . for years, for years. . . . But
THINGS THAT PASS 45
I did see him for many, many years. . . . You
never saw him? "
" No."
"But . . . you used to hear him? ..."
" Yes, I ... I used to hear him . . . My
hearing was very good and always keen. ... It
was hallucinations. ... I often heard his voice.
. . . Don't let us talk about it ... We are
both so old, so old, Ottilie. . . . He must have
forgiven us by now. Else we should never have
grown so old. Our life has passed peacefully for
years: long, long, old years; nothing has ever dis-
turbed us : he must have forgiven us. ... Now
we are both standing on the brink of our graves."
( Yes, it will soon come. I feel it."
But Takma brought his geniality into play:
"You, Ottilie? You'll live to be a hundred!"
His voice made an effort at bluff braggadocio and
then broke into a shrill high note.
" I shall never see a hundred," said the old
woman. " No. I shall die this winter."
"This winter?"
' Yes. I foresee it. I am waiting. But I am
frightened."
"Of death?"
" Not of death. But ... of him! "
" Do you believe . . . that you will see him
again? "
' Yes. I believe in God, in the communion of
souls, In a life hereafter. In atonement."
46 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" I don't believe in an atonement hereafter, be-
cause we have both of us suffered so much in our
lives, Ottilie ! "
The old man's tone was almost one of entreaty.
" But there has been no punishment," said she.
" Our suffering was a punishment."
" Not enough. I believe that, when I am dead,
he, he will accuse me."
" Ottilie, we have become so old, quietly, quietly.
We have only had to suffer inwardly. But that has
been enough, God will consider that punishment
enough. Don't be afraid of death."
" I should not be afraid if I had seen his face
wearing a gentler expression, with something of for-
giveness. He always stared at me. . . . Oh,
those eyes! . . ."
"Hush, Ottilie! ..."
" When I sat here, he would stand there, in the
corner by the cabinet, and look at me. When I
was in bed, he appeared in my mirror and gazed
at me. For years and years. . . . Perhaps it
was an hallucination. . . . But I grew old like
that. I have no tears left. I no longer wring my
hands. I never move except between this chair and
my bed. I have had no uneasiness ... or terror
. . . for years: nobody knows. Of the
baboe 1 ..."
"Ma-Boeten?"
" Yes ... I have had no news for years. She
1 Malay: nurse, ayah.
THINGS THAT PASS 47
was the only one who knew. She's dead, I
expect."
" Roelofsz knows," said the old gentleman, very
softly.
"Yes . . . he knows . . . but ..."
" Oh, he has always kept silent I . . ."
" He is ... almost ... an accomp-
lice. ..."
" Ottilie, you must think about it calmly. . . .
We have grown so very old . . . You must think
about it calmly, as / think about it. ... You have
always been too fanciful . . ."
His voice sounded in entreaty, very different from
its usual airy geniality.
" It was after that in particular that I became full
of fancies. No, I have never been able to think
about it calmly! At first I was afraid of people,
then of myself: I thought I should go mad I . . .
Now, now that it is approaching ... I am afraid
of God!"
" Ottilie ! "
" It has been a long, long, long martyrdom. . . .
O God, can it be that this life is not enough? "
" Ottilie, we should not have grown so very
old you :. . . and I ... and Roelofsz if
God . . . and he also had not forgiven us."
' Then why did he so often . . . come and
stand there ! Oh, he stood there so often ! He just
stared, pale, with dark, sunken eyes, eyes like two
fiery daggers : like that! . . ."
48 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
And she pointed the two slender, wand-like fore-
fingers straight in front of her.
" I . . . I am calm, Ottilie. And, if we are
punished afterwards, after our death, we must en-
dure it. And, if we endure it ... we shall
receive mercy."
" I wish I were a Catholic. I thought for a long
time of becoming a Catholic. Therese was quite
right to become a Catholic. . . . Oh, why do I
never see her now? Shall I ever see her again? I
hope so. I hope so. . . . If I had been a
Catholic, I should have confessed . . ."
' There is no absolution among Catholics for
that."
"Isn't there? I thought . . . I thought that
a priest could forgive anything . . . and cleanse
the soul before you died. The priest at any rate
could have consoled me, could have given me hope !
Our religion is so cold. I have never been able to
speak of it to a clergyman. . . ."
" No, no, of course not! "
" I could have spoken of it to a priest. He would
have made me do penance all my life long; and it
would have relieved me. Now, that is always here,
on my breast. And I am so old. I sit with it. I
lie in bed with it. I cannot even walk about with it,
roam about with it, forget myself in move-
ment. ..."
" Ottilie, why are you talking about it so much
to-day? Sometimes we do not mention it for
49
months, for years at a time. Then the months and
years pass quietly. . . . Why are you suddenly
talking so very much about it to-day? "
" I began thinking, because Lot and Elly are get-
ting married."
' They will be happy."
" But isn't it a crime, a crime against nature?"
"No, Ottilie, do reflect ..."
"They are ..."
; ' They are cousins. They don't know it, but that
isn't a crime against nature!"
" True."
' They are cousins."
' Yes, they're cousins."
" Ottilie is my daughter ; her son is my grandson.
Elly's father ..."
"Well?"
" Do reflect, Otillie : Elly's father, my son,
was Lietje's brother. Their children are first
cousins."
" Yes."
" That's all they are."
" But they don't know that they are cousins.
Lietje has never been told that she is your daughter.
She has never been told that she was your son's
sister."
" What difference does that make? Cousins are
free to marry."
' Yes, but it's not advisable. . . . It's not
advisable because of the children that may come,
50 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
because of the blood and because . . . because of
everything."
"Of what, Ottilie?"
" They inherit our past. They inherit that terror.
They inherit our sin. They inherit the punishment
for our offence."
" You exaggerate, Ottilie. No, they don't inherit
as much as that."
" They inherit everything. One day perhaps they
will see him standing, perhaps they will hear him,
in the new houses where they will live. ... It
would have been better if Elly and Lot had found
their happiness apart from each other ... in other
blood, in other souls. . . . They will never be able
to find the ordinary happiness. Who knows, per-
haps their children will be . . ."
"Hush, Ottilie, hush!"
" Criminals. ..."
^Ottilie, please be quiet ! Oh, be quiet ! Why do
you speak like that? For years, it has been so
peaceful. You see, Ottilie, we are too old. We
have been allowed to grow so old. We have had
our punishment. Oh, don't let us speak about it
again, never again ! Let us wait calmly, calmly, and
suffer the things that come after us, for we cannot
alter them."
4 Yes, let us wait calmly."
" Let us wait. It will come soon. It will come
soon, for you and me."
His voice had sounded imploringly; his eyes shone
THINGS THAT PASS 51
wet with terror. She sat stiff and upright in her
chair; her fingers trembled violently in the deep,
black folds of her lap. But a -lethargy descended
upon both of them; the strange lucidity and the
anxious tension of their unaccustomed words seemed
but for a moment to be able to galvanize their old
souls, as though by a suggestion from without. Now
they both grew lethargic and became very old in-
deed. For a long time they stared, each at his
window, without words.
Then there was a ring at the front-door.
CHAPTER IV
IT was Anton Dercksz, the old lady's eldest son by
her second marriage; by her first she had only an
unmarried daughter, Stefanie de Laders. Anton
also had never married; he had made his career in
Java; he was an ex-resident. He was seventy-five,
taciturn, gloomy and self-centred, owing to his long,
lonely life, full of lonely thoughts about himself,
the heady thoughts of a sensualist who, in his old
age, had lapsed into a sensualist in imagination.
. . . It had been his nature, first instinctively,
then in a more studied fashion, to hide himself, not
to give himself; not to give of himself even that
which would have won him the praise and esteem
of his fellow-men. Endowed with intelligence above
the ordinary, a student, a man of learning, he had
fostered that intelligence only for himself and had
never been more than an average official. His self-'
centred, gloomy soul had demanded and still de-
manded solitary enjoyments, even as his powerful
body had craved for obscure pleasures.
He entered in his overcoat, which he kept closely
wrapped about him, feeling chilly, though it was
still a sunny September and autumn had hardly given
its first shiver. He came to see his mother once a
week, from an old habit of respect and awe. Her
52
THINGS THAT PASS 53
children elderly men and women, all of them all
called regularly, but first asked Anna, the maid, with
the cat always among her skirts, who was upstairs
with Mamma. If some member of the family were
there already, they did not go up at once, anxious
on no account to tire her with too great a gathering
and too many voices. Then Anna would receive them
in the downstair morning-room, where she kept up a
fire in the winter, and often the old servant would
offer the visitor a brandy-cherry. If old Mr. Takma
had only just arrived, Anna did not fail to say so;
and the children or grandchildren would wait down-
stairs for a quarter of an hour and longer, because
they knew that Mamma, that Grandmamma liked
to be alone for a while with Takma, her old friend.
If Takma had been there some time, Anna would
reckon out whether she could let them go upstairs
at once. . . . The companion was not there in
the afternoons, except when mevrouw sent for her,
as sometimes happened when the weather was bad
and nobody called.
Anton Dercksz entered, hesitating because of
Takma, uncertain whether he was intruding. The
old woman's children, however much advanced in
years, continued to behave as children to the once
stern and severe mother, whom they still saw in
the authority of her motherhood. And Anton
in particular always saw her like that, seated in
that chair which was as an unyielding throne, strange
in that very last and fragile life hanging from a
54 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
brittle, invisible thread, which, in snapping, would
have broken life's last string. At the window, be-
cause of a lingering ray of sunshine outside, the
mother sat in a crimson twilight of curtains and
valance, sat as if she would never move again un-
til the moment came for the dark portals to open.
For the " children " did not see her move, save
with the single, angular gesture sometimes suggested
by once active, but now gouty, slender, wand-like
fingers. Anton Dercksz knew that if the portals
had not opened that day his mother would move,
round about eight o'clock, to be taken to bed by
Anna and the companion. But he never saw this :
what he saw was the well-nigh complete immobility
of the brittle figure in the chair that was almost a
throne, amid a twilight just touched with pink. Old
man as he himself was, he was impressed by this.
His mother sat there so strangely, so unreally: she
sat waiting, waiting. Her eyes, already glazed,
stared before her, sometimes as though she were
afraid of something. . . . The lonely man had
developed within himself an acute gift of observa-
tion, a quick talent for drawing inferences, which
he never allowed any one to perceive. For years
he had held the theory that his mother was always
thinking of something, always thinking of something,
an invariable something. What could it be ? . . .
Perhaps he was mistaken, perhaps he looked too
far, perhaps his mother's expression was but the
staring of almost sightless eyes. Or was she think-
THINGS THAT PASS 55
ing of hidden things in her life, things sunk in her
life as in a deep, deep pool? Had she her secrets,
as he had his, the secrets of his sullen hedonism?
He was not inquisitive: everybody had his secrets;
perhaps Mother had hers. He would never strive
to find out. People had always said that Takma
and Mother had been lovers : she no doubt thought
of those old things ... or was she not thinking,
was she merely waiting and staring out of her win-
dow? . . . However this might be, his awe remained
unchanged.
" It is lovely weather, for September," he said,
after the usual greetings.
He was a big man, broad in his overcoat, with a
massive florid face, in which deep folds hung beside
the big nose and made dewlaps under the cheeks;
the grey-yellow moustache bristled above a sensual
mouth with thick, purple lips, which parted over the
yellow teeth, crumbling, but still firm in their gums;
the thick beard, however recently shaved, still left
a black stubble on the cheeks; and a deep scar cleft
the twice deeply-wrinkled forehead, which rose
towards a thinning tuft of yellow-grey hair, with
the head bald at the back of it. The skin of his
neck was rough, above the low, stand-up collar, and
grooved, though not quite so deeply, like that of
an old labourer, with deep-ploughed furrows. His
coarse-fisted hands lay like clods on his thick knees;
and a watch-chain, with big trinkets, hung slackly
over his great stomach, which had forced open a
S 6 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
button of his worn and shiny waistcoat. His feet
rested firmly on the carpet in their Wellington boots,
whose tops showed round under the trouser-legs.
This outward appearance betrayed only a rough,
sensual, elderly man: it showed him neither in his
intellect nor, above all, in his power of imagination.
The great dream-actor that he was remained hidden
from whoever saw him no otherwise than thus.
Takma, so many years older, with his habit of
gaiety and his sometimes shrill heartiness, which
gave a birdlike sound to his old voice and a factitious
glitter to his false teeth, Takma, in his short, loose
jacket, had something delicate beside Anton Dercksz,
something younger and more restless, together with
a certain kindly, gentle, benevolent comprehension,
as if he, the very old man, understood the whol^
life of the younger one. But this was just what
always infuriated Anton with Takma, because he,
Anton Dercksz, saw through it. It concealed some-
thing: Takma hid a secret, though he hid it in a dif-
ferent way from Anton Dercksz'. He hid a secret :
when he started, with that jerk of his head, he was
afraid that he had been seen through. . . . Well,
Anton was not inquisitive. But this very old man,
this former lover of his mother, of the woman who
still filled Anton with awe when he saw her sitting
erect, waiting, in her chair by the window: this old
man annoyed him, irritated him, had always roused
his dislike. He had never allowed it to show and
Takma had never perceived it.
THINGS THAT PASS 57
The three old people sat without exchanging
many words, in the narrow drawing-room. The old
woman had now calmly mastered herself, because
her son, her " child," was sitting there and she had
always remained calm before the splenetic glance
of his slightly prominent eyes. Straight up she sat,
as though enthroned, as though she were a sovereign
by reason of her age and her authority, dignified
and blameless, but so frail and fragile, as though
the aura of death would presently blow away her
soul. Her few words sounded a note of appreciation
that her son had come to see her, asking, as was
his filial duty, once a week, after her health. She
was pleased at this; and it was not difficult for her
to calm herself, suddenly put in a placid mood by
that feeling of satisfaction, even though but now,
as in a suggestion from without, she had been
obliged to speak of former things which she had
seen pass before her eyes. And, when the bell rang
again, she said:
; ' That's the children, I expect. ..."
They all three listened, in silence. Sharp-eared
old Takma heard some one speaking to Anna in
the hall:
' They're asking if it won't be too much for you,"
said Takma.
" Anton, call down the stairs to have them
shown up," said the old lady; and her voice rang
like a maternal command.
5 8 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
Anton Dercksz rose, went to the door and called
out:
" You can come up. Grandmamma's expecting
you."
Lot and Elly came in and their entrance was as
though they feared to dispel the atmosphere around
the old woman with the too-great youthfulness
approaching her. But the old woman made an
angular movement of her arms, which lifted them-
selves in the black folds of the wide sleeves; and
a hint of the gesture was given, gouty-stiff, in the
crimson shade of the curtains, while she said :
"So you're going to get married; that's right."
The gesture brought the mittened hands to the
level of Lot's head, which she held for a moment
and kissed with a trembling mouth; she kissed Elly
too; and the girl said, prettily:
"Grandmamma. ..."
" I am glad to see you both. Mamma has already
told me the great news. Be happy, children,
happy. ..."
The words sounded like a short speech from out
of the twilight of the throne-like chair, but they
trembled, breaking with emotion:
" Be happy, children, happy" Mamma had said.
And Anton Dercksz seemed to see that his mother
was thinking that there had not been many happy
marriages in the family. He was conscious of the
underlying thought in her words and was glad that
he had never been married: it gave him a silent,
THINGS THAT PASS 59
pleasurable sense of satisfaction, as he looked at
Lot and Elly. They were sitting there so youthful
and unwrung, he thought; but he knew that this was
only on the surface, that Lot, after all, was thirty-
eight and that this was not Elly's first engagement.
Yet how young those two lives were and how many
vigorous years had they not before them! He be-
came jealous at the thought and envious; and his
eyes grew sullen when he reflected that vigorous
years were no longer his. And, with the sly glance
of a man secretly enjoying the sensual pleasures of
the imagination, he asked himself whether Lot was
really a fellow who ought to think of marrying. Lot
was delicately built, was hardly a man of flesh and
blood, was like his mother in appearance, with his
pink face and his fair plastered hair, his short fair
moustache above his cynical upper lip, and very
spruce in his smooth-fitting jacket and the neat little
butterfly tie beneath his double collar. And yet no
fool, thought Anton Dercksz: his articles written
from Italy, on Renascence subjects, were very good
and Anton had read them with pleasure, without
ever complimenting Lot upon them; and his two
novels were excellent: one about the Hague, one
about Java, with a keen insight into Dutch-Indian
society. There was a great deal in the lad, more
than one would think, for he looked not a man of
flesh and blood, but a fair-haired, finikin doll, a
fashion-plate.
Elly was not pretty, had a pale but sensible little
6o
OLD PEOPLE AND THE
face : he did not believe that she was a woman of
warm passion, or, if she was, it would not reveal
itself till later. He did not expect that they would
kiss each other very rapturously; and yet that was
the most genuine consolation in this confounded life
of ours, always had been so to him. Everything
grew confused before his jaundiced eyes, in a regret
for things that were lost; but nevertheless he lis-
tened to the conversation, which was carried on
calmly and quietly, in order not to tire Grand-
mamma : when Lot and Elly meant to get married,
where they would go for the honeymoon.
" We shall be married in three months," said
Lot. " There's nothing to wait for. We shall go
to Paris and on to Italy. I know Italy well and
can show Elly about. ..."
Anton Dercksz rose and took his leave; and,
when he went downstairs, he found his sister, Ottilie
Steyn de Weert, and Roelofsz, the old doctor, in
the morning-room:
" The children are upstairs," he said.
" Yes, I know, said Ottilie. " That's why I'm
waiting; it would be too much for Mamma other-
wise ..."
" Well-well-well," muttered the old doctor.
He sat huddled in a chair, a shapeless mass of
dropsical obesity: his one stiff leg was stuck out
straight in front of him and his paunch hung side-
ways over it in curving lines; his face, clean-shaven
but bunched into wrinkles, was like the face of a
THINGS THAT PASS 61
very old monk; his thin grey hair looked as if it
were moth-eaten and hung in frayed wisps from
his skull, which was shaped like a globe, with a
vein at one temple meandering in high relief; he
lisped and muttered exclamation upon exclamation;
his watery eyes swam behind gold spectacles.
;< Well-well-well, Ottilie, so your Lot is getting
married at last! ..."
He was eighty-eight, the doctor, the last sur-
viving contemporary of Grandmamma and Mr.
Takma ; he had brought Ottilie Steyn into the world,
in Java, at a time when he was a young doctor,
not long since arrived from Holland; and he called
her either by her Christian name or " child."
" At last? " cried Ottilie, in a vexed tone. " It's
early enough for me! "
' Yes-yes-yes, yes-yes, child; you'll miss him, you'll
miss your boy, I daresay. . . . Still, they'll make
a nice couple, he and Elly, well-well, yes-yes-yes,
working together, artistic, yes, well. . . . That
good old Anna hasn't started her fires yet! This
room's warm, but upstairs, yes-yes, it's very chilly.
. . . Takma's always blazing hot inside, eh-eh?
Well-well! Mamma likes a cool room too; well-
well, cool: cold, / call it. I consider it warmer in
here : ay-ay, it is warmer down here. Well-well !
. . . Mamma wasn't so well, child, yester-
day. ..."
" Come, doctor," said Anton Dercksz, " you'll
make Mamma see a hundred yet! "
62 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
And he buttoned up his coat and went away,
satisfied at having performed his filial duty for that
week.
"Oh-oh-oh!" cried the doctor; but Anton was
gone. "A hundred! A hundred! Oh-dear-no, oh-
dear-no, tut-tut! No, 7 can do nothing, / can do
nothing. I'm old myself, yes-yes, I'm old: eightee-
eight years old, eightee-eight, Lietje! . . . Yes-
yes, that counts, yes-yes. . . . No, / can do
nothing more, what do you say? And it's a good
thing that Mamma's got Dr. Thielens : he's young,
ay-ay, he's young. . . . Here come the children 1
Well-well!" the doctor continued, by way of
greeting. " Best congratulations, ay-ay, very nice !
Art, eh, art for art's sake? ... Is Granny better
to-day? Then I'll just go upstairs, yes-yes, well-
well! . . ."
"Where are you going now, children?" asked
Mamma Ottilie.
" To Aunt Stefanie's," said Elly. " And perhaps
to Uncle Harold's afterwards."
Anna let them out; and Ottilie, going upstairs
behind Dr. Roelofsz, who hoisted himself up one
step after the other, tried to understand what he
was muttering, but understood nothing. He kept
talking to himself:
1 Yes-yes, that Anton, all-very-well, make her see
a hundred ! A hundred ! Well, he'll see a hundred
all right, ay-ay, yes-yes, though he has been such a
beast! . . . Yes-yes, yes-yes, a beast: don't I
THINGS THAT PASS 63
know him? Tut-tut! A beast, that's what he's
been! . . . Yes-yes, perhaps he's still at it!"
; ' What do you say, doctor?"
" Nothing, child, nothing. . . . Make her see
a hundred! I, I, who am old myself; eightee-eight
. . . eightee-eight! ..."
Puffing with the effort of climbing the stairs, he
entered and greeted the two old people, his con-
temporaries, who nodded to him, each at a window:
'Well-well, yes-yes, how-do, Ottilie? How-do,
Takma? . . . Well-well, yes-yes. . . . Well, I
don't call it warm in here ! . . . "
" Come," said Takma, " it's only Septem-
ber. ..."
' Yes, you're always blazing hot inside! ..."
Ottilie walked behind him, like a little child, and
kissed her mother, very gently and carefully; and,
when she went up to Takma afterwards, he pulled
her hand, so that she might give him a kiss too.
CHAPTER V
PAPA DERCKSZ had not left much behind him, but
Stefanie de Laders, the only child of the first
marriage, was a rich woman; and the reason why
old Mamma had only a little left of her first
husband's fortune was because she had never
practised economy. Stefanie, however, had saved
and put by, never knowing why, from an inherited
proclivity for adding money to money. She lived
in a small house in the Javastraat and was known in
philanthropic circles, devoting herself prudently and
thriftily to good works. Lot and Elly found Aunt at
home : she rose from her chair, amidst a twittering of
little birds in little cages, and she herself had some-
thing of a larger-sized little old bird: short, lean,
shrivelled, tripping with little bird-like steps, restless,
in spite of her years, with her narrow little shoulders
and her bony hands, she was a very ugly little old
woman, a little witch. Never having been mar-
ried, devoid of passions, devoid of the vital flame,
she had grown old unscathed in her little egoisms,
with only one great fear, which had clung to her
all her life : the fear of encountering Hell's terrors
after her death, which, after all, was drawing
nearer. And so she was very religious, convinced
64
JHINGS THAT PASS 65
that Calvin knew all about it, for everybody and for
all subsequent ages; and, trusting blindly in her
faith, she read anything of this tendency on which
she could lay hands, from paper-covered tracts to
theological works, though she did not understand
the latter, while the former left her full of
shuddering.
"Quite a surprise, children!" Aunt Stefanie de
Laders screamed, as though Lot and Elly were deaf.
" And when are you getting married? "
" In three months, Aunt."
"In church?"
" I don't think so, Aunt," said Lot.
"I thought as much! "
" Then you made a good guess."
" But it's not the thing. Don't you want to get
married in church either, Elly?"
" No, Aunt, I agree with Lot. . . . May I say
Aunt?"
' Yes, certainly, child, say Aunt. No, it's not the
thing. But you get that from the Derckszes: they
never thought of what might be in store for them
hereafter. ..."
The birds twittered and Aunt's high-pitched voice
sounded aggressive.
" If Grandpapa could be at the wedding, I should
do it perhaps, for his sake," said Elly. " But he's
too old to come. Mamma Steyn doesn't make a
point of it either."
" No, of course not!" screamed Aunt Stefanie.
66 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" You see, Aunt, you're the only one in the family
who does," said Lot.
He did not see Aunt Stefanie often; but, when
he saw her, it amused him to draw her out.
" And there's no need to do it for my sake," said
Aunt, self-righteously; and she thought to herself,
" They sha'n't come in for a cent, if they don't get
married in church and do the proper thing. I had
intended to leave them something: now I shall leave
everything to Harold's grandchildren. They at
least behave properly. . . ."
But, when Elly made as though to rise, Aunt,
who was flattered at having visitors, said:
" Well, stay a bit longer, come, Elly ! I don't
see Lot so often; and he's his aunt's own nephew
after all. . . . It's not the thing, my boy. . . .
You know, 7 just speak out. I've done so from a
child. I'm the eldest: with a family like ours,
which has not always behaved properly, I have
always had to speak out. . . . I've shown a great
deal of tact, however. But for me, Uncle Anton
would have been quite lost, though even now he
isn't always proper. But leave him to his fate
I will not. Uncle Daniel and especially Uncle
Harold, with their children : how often haven't they
needed me! . . ."
" Aunt, you have always been invaluable," said
Lot. " But you were not able to do much for Aunt
Therese: she turned Catholic; and that wasn't due
to your influence, surely ! "
THINGS THAT PASS 67
" Therese is lost ! " cried Aunt Stefanie, violently.
u I've long since given up having anything to do
with Therese. . . . But any one for whom I can
do anything ... I sacrifice myself for. For
Uncle Harold I do what I can, also for his child-
ren; to Ina I am a second mother, also to D'Her-
bourg: now there's a proper man for you; and Leo
and Gus are good and proper boys. ..."
"Not forgetting Lily," said Lot, "who didn't
hesitate to call her first-born son after you, though
I think Stefanus a queer sort of name 1 "
41 No, you'll never call your children after me,"
screamed Aunt, in between the birds, " not though
you get a dozen girls! What do you want me to
say, my boy? Uncle Harold's family has always
shown me more affection than your mother's family
has; I got most perhaps from the Trevelley child-
ren! And yet God alone knows what your mother
owes to me : but for me, Lot, she would have been
lost! I'm not saying it to be unpleasant, my boy;
but she would have been lost, Lot, but for me!
Yes, you can feel grateful to me ! You can see for
yourself, your dear Mamma, twice divorced, from
her first two husbands: no, Lot, that was anything
but proper."
" My dear Aunt, Mamma has always been the
black sheep of our virtuous family."
" No, no, no 1 " said Aunt Stefanie, shaking her
restless little bird-like head; and the birds around
her agreed with her and twittered their assent. " The
68 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
family's not so virtuous as that. Generally speak-
ing, it has never been proper! I won't say a word
against my mother, but this much is certain: she
lost my father too early. You can't compare Papa
Dercksz with him."
" Of course, there's no comparing a Dercksz with
a De Laders," said Lot.
"You're being sarcastic!" said Aunt; and the
birds twittered their indignation in sympathy. " But
there's many a true word spoken in jest. I'm not
saying it because of your mother, who's a dear
child, whom I'm fond of, but all the other Derckszes,
with the exception of Uncle Harold, are ..."
"Are what, Aunt Stefanie?"
" Are a sinful, hysterical crew ! " cried Aunt
Stefanie, aggressively. " Uncle Anton, Uncle Daan,
Aunt Therese and, my boy though she's not a
Dercksz, it's in her blood your sister Ottilie as
well! They're a sinful, hysterical, crew !" And
she thought, " Your mother's one of them too, my
boy, though I'm not saying so."
" Then I'm once more glad," said Lot, " that my
Dercksz hysteria is steadied by a certain Pauws
calmness and sedateness." And he thought, " Aunt's
quite right, but it all comes from her own mother
. . . only it happened to pass over Aunt
Stefanie."
But Aunt went on, seconded by the birds :
" I'm not saying it to say anything unpleasant
about the family, my boy. I daresay I'm hard, but
JHINGS THAT PASS 69
I speak out properly. Who speaks out properly in
our family? "
" You do, Aunt, you do ! "
"Yes, I do, I, I, I!" cried Aunt; and all the
birds in all the cages twittered their agreement.
" Don't go away just yet, stay a little longer, Elly.
I think it's so nice of you to have come. Elly, just
ring the bell, will you? Then Klaartje will bring
a brandy-cherry: I make them after the recipe of
Grandmamma's Anna; and she makes them pro-
perly."
" Aunt, we must really be getting on."
" Come, just one cherry! " Aunt insisted; and
the birds joined in the invitation. " Otherwise Aunt
will think that you're angry with her for speaking
out. ..."
The brandy-cherries were tasted; and this put
Aunt in a good humour, even when Lot exclaimed,
through the- twittering of the birds :
" Aunt . . . have you never been hysterical? "
"I? Hysterical? No! Sinful, yes: I am sinful
still, as we all are ! But hysterical, thank God, I
have never been! Hysterical, like Uncle Anton,
Aunt Therese and . . . your sister Ottilie, I
have never been, never ! "
The birds could not but confirm this.
" But you've been in love, Aunt ! I hope you'll
tell me the story of your romance one day; then
I'll make it into a very fine book."
' You've put too much about the family into your
70 THINGS THAT PASS
sinful books, as it is, for Aunt ever to tell you that,
though she had been in love ten times over. For
shame, boy! You ought to be ashamed of your-
self I Write a moral book that's a comfort to read,
but don't go digging up sinfulness for the sake of
describing it, however fine the words you choose
may be."
" So at any rate you think my words fine? "
" I think nothing fine that you write, it's accursed
books that you write ! . . . Are you really going
now, Elly ? Not because I don't admire Lot's books,
I hope? No? Then just one more cherry. You
should get the recipe from Anna, at Grandmamma's.
Well, good-bye, children; and think over what sort
of present you'd like from Aunt. You can choose
your own, child, you can choose your own. Aunt'll
give a present that's the proper thing."
The birds agreed and, as Lot and Elly took their
leave, twittered them lustily out of the room.
CHAPTER VI
" OOF ! " said Lot, outside, putting two fingers in his
ears, which had been deafened by the birds. " No
more uncles and cousins for the present, Elly: I'm
not going to Uncle Harold and the D'Herbourgs
after this ! A grandmamma, a future grandpapa, an
uncle, an aunt and a very old family-doctor: that's
enough antediluvianism for one day! I can't do
with any more old people to-day, not even Uncle
Harold, who is far from being the most repellent.
So many old people, all in one day : it's too oppres-
sive, it's stifling! . . . Let's walk a bit, if you're
not tired. It's fine, the wind'll refresh us, it won't
rain. . . . Come into the dunes with me. Here's
the steam-tram coming: we'll take it as far as the
Witte Brug 1 and then go into the dunes. Come
along!"
They went by tram to the Witte Brug and were
soon in the dunes, where they went and sat in the
sand, with a strong sea-breeze blowing over their
heads.
" I hope I shall never grow old," said Lot.
" Elly, don't you think it terrible to grow old, older
everyday? ..."
'Your pet aversion, Lot?" asked Elly.
* The White Bridge.
7
72 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
She smiled. He looked at her seriously, almost
pale in the face, but, because he saw her smiling,
he managed to speak lightly:
" Worse than that. It's my nightmare. To see
more and more wrinkles every day in your skin,
more streaks of grey in your hair; to feel your
memory going; to feel the edge of your emotions
growing blunt; to feel an extra crease in your
stomach which spoils the fit of your waistcoat; to
feel your powers waning and your back bending
under all the weight of the past which you drag
along with you . . . without being able to do a
thing to prevent it! . . . When your suit gets
old, you buy a new one: I'm speaking from the
capitalist's point of view. But your body and soul
you get once for all and you have to take them with
you to the grave. If you economize with either of
them, then you haven't lived, whereas, if you
squander them, you have to pay for it. ... And
then that past, which you tow and trail along!
Every day adds its inexorable quota. We are just
mules, dragging along till we can go no farther and
till we drop dead with the effort. . . . Oh, Elly,
it's terrible ! Think of those old people of to-day !
Think of Grandpapa Takma and Grandmamma ! I
look upon them as something to shudder at. ...
There they sit, nearly every day, ninety-three and
ninety-seven, each looking out of a window. What
do they talk about? Not much, I expect: their little
ailments, the weather; people as old as that don't
73
talk, they are numbed. They don't remember
things. Their past is heavy with years and crushes
them, gives them only a semblance of life, of the
aftermath of life : they've had their life. .
Was it interesting or not? You know, I think it
must have been interesting for those old people,
else they wouldn't trouble to meet now. They must
have lived through a good deal together."
' They say that Grandpapa ..."
' Yes, that he was Grandmamma's lover. . . . :
Those old people : to believe that, when you see them
now! . . . To realize love . . . passion . . .
in those old people ! . . . They must have lived
through a lot together. I don't know, but it has
always seemed to me, when I see them together, as
if there were something being wafted between them,
something strange, to and fro : something of a
tragedy which has become unravelled and of which
the last threads, now almost loose, are hovering
between the two of them. . . . And yet their
souls must be numbed: I cannot believe that they
talk much; but they look at each other or out of
the window: the loose threads hover, but still bind
their lives together. . . . Who knows, perhaps it
was interesting, in which case it might be something
for a novel. . . ."
"Have you no idea, at the moment?"
" No, it's years since I had an idea for a novel.
And I don't think that I shall write any more. You
see, Elly, I'm getting . . . too old to write
74 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
for very young people; and who else re
novels? "
" But you don't write only for the public; you have
your own ideal of art! "
" It's such a barren notion, that principle. All
very fine when you're quite young: then it's delight-
ful to swagger a bit with that ideal of art; you go
in for it then as another goes in for sport or a
cultivated palate. . . . Art really isn't everything.
It's a very beautiful thing, but, properly speaking,
it oughtn't to be an aim in life. Artists combine a
great deal of pretentiousness with what is really a
small aim."
" But, Lot, the influence they exercise ..."
" With a book, a painting, an opera ? Even to
the people who care about it, it's only an insignifi-
cant pleasure. Don't go thinking that artists wield
great influence. All our arts are little ivory towers,
with little doors for the initiate. They influence life
hardly at all. All those silly definitions of art, of
Art with a capital A, which your modern authors
give you art is this, art is that are just one series
of exaggerated sentences. Art is an entertainment;
and a painter is an entertainer; so is a composer;
so is a novelist."
"Oh, no, Lot!"
" I assure you it is so. You're still so precious
in your conception of art, Elly, but it'll wear away,
dear. It's an affectation. Artists are entertainers,
of themselves and others. They have always been
THINGS THAT PASS 75
so, from the days of the first troubadours, in the
finest sense of the word. Make the sense of it as
fine as you please, but entertainers they remain. An
artist is no demigod, as we picture him when we are
twenty-three, like you, Elly. An entertainer is what
he is; he entertains himself and others; usually he
is vain, petty, envious, jealous, ungenerous to his
fellow-entertainers, puffed up with his principles and
his art, that noble aim in life; just as petty and
jealous as any one else in any other profession.
Then why shouldn't I speak of authors as enter-
tainers? They entertain themselves with their own
sorrows and emotions; and with a melancholy sonnet
or a more or less nebulous novel they entertain the
young people who read them. For people over
thirty, who are not in the trade, no longer read
novels or poems. I myself am too old to write for
young people. When I write now, I have the bour-
geois ambition to be read by my contemporaries, by
men getting on for forty. What interests them is
actual life, seen psychologically, but expressed in con-
crete truths and not reflected in a mirage and poet-
ized and dramatized through fictitious personages.
That's why I'm a journalist and why I enjoy it.
I like to grip my reader at once and to let him
go again at once, because neither he nor I have
any time to spare. Life goes on. But to-morrow I
grip him again; and then again I don't want to
charm him any longer than I grip him. In our
ephemeral lives, this, journalism, is the ephemeral
7 6 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
and the true art, for I want the form of it to be
frail but chaste. ... I don't say that I have got
so far myself; but that is my artistic ideal. ..."
"Then will you never write any more novels?"
" Who can say what he will or will not do again?
Say it ... and you do something different all
the same. Who knows what I shall be saying or
doing in a year's time? If I knew Grandmamma's
inner life, I should perhaps write a novel. It is
almost history; and, even as I take an interest in
the story of our own time, in the anticipation of
our future, so history has a great charm for me,
even though history depresses humanity and human
beings and though our own old folk depress me.
Grandmamma's life is almost history: emotions and
events of another period. ..."
" Lot, I wish you would begin to work seri-
ously."
" I shall start working as soon as we are in Italy.
The best thing, Elly, is not to think of setting up
house yet. Not with Mamma and also not by our-
selves. Let us go on wandering. When we are
very old it will be time enough to roost permanently.
What draws me to Italy is her tremendous past. I
try to reach antiquity through the Renascence, but
I have never got so far and in the Forum I still
think too much of Raphael and Leonardo."
" So first to Paris . . . and then Nice . . ."
" And on to Italy if you like. In Paris we shall
look up another aunt."
THINGS THAT PASS 77
"Aunt Therese?"
" Yes. That's the one who is more Catholic
than the Pope. And at Nice Ottilie. . . . Elly,
you know that Ottilie lives with an Italian, she's not
married: will you be willing to see her all the
same? "
" I should think so," said Elly, with a gentle smile.
" I am very anxious to see Ottilie again. . . . The
last time was when I heard her sing at Brussels."
" She has a heavenly voice . . ."
" And she's a very beautiful woman."
' Yes, she is like Papa, she is tall, she doesn't take
after Mamma a bit. . . . She could never get on
with Mamma. And of course she spent more of
her time with Papa. . . . She's no longer young,
she's two years older than I. ... It's two years
since I saw her. . . . What will she be like ? I
wonder if she is still with her Italian. . . . Do
you know how she met him? By accident, in the
train. They travelled in the same compartment
from Florence to Milan. He was an officer. They
talked to each other . . . and they've been together
ever since. He resigned his commission, so as to go
with her wherever she was singing. ... At least,
I believe they are still together. . . . ' Sinful and
hysterical,' Aunt Stefanie would say! . . . Who
knows? Perhaps Ottilie met a great happiness
. . . and did not hesitate to seize it. ...
Ah, most people hesitate . . . and grope
about!
7 8 THINGS THAT PASS
" We're different from Ottilie, Lot, and yet we
don't grope ... or hesitate. . . . "
" Elly, are you quite sure that you love me? "
She bent over him where he lay, stretched out in
the sand, leaning on his two elbows. She felt her
love inside her very intensely, as a glowing need to
live for him, to eliminate herself entirely for his
sake, to stimulate him to work, but to great, very
great work. . . . That was the way in which her
love had blossomed up, after her grief. . . .
Under the wide sky, in which the clouds drifted like
a great fleet of ships with white, bellying sails, a
doubt rose in her mind for perhaps one moment,
very vaguely and unconsciously, whether he would
need her as she herself intended to give herself.
. . . But this vague, unconscious feeling was
dissipated in the breeze that blew over her temples;
and her almost motherly love was so intense and
glowing that she bent over him and kissed him and
said, quite convinced and certain of herself, though
not so certain of life and the future :
" Yes, Lot, I am sure of it."
Whatever doubt he may have entertained was
scattered in smiles from his soul after this tender
and simple affirmation that she loved him, as he felt,
for himself alone, in a gentle, wondering bliss that
already seemed to see happiness approaching. . . .
CHAPTER VII
HAROLD DERCKSZ, the second son, was seventy-
three, two years younger than Anton. He was a
widower and lived with his only daughter, Ina, who
had married Jonkheer l d'Herbourg and had three
children : Lily, a young, flaxen-haired little woman,
married to Van Wely, an officer in the artillery,
and two boys, Pol and Gus, who were at the uni-
versity and the grammar-school respectively.
It was sometimes very unpleasant for Ina
d'Herbourg that her father's family, taken all
round, did not display a correct respectability more
in keeping with the set in which she moved. She
was quite at one with Aunt Stefanie with whom
she curried favour for other reasons too and she
agreed with Aunt that Grandmamma had been ill-
advised, after having married a De Laders, to get
married again to one of the much less distinguished
Derckszes: this though Ina herself was a Dercksz
and though her very existence would have been
problematical if Grandmamma had not remarried.
Ina, however, did not think so far as this : she was
merely sorry not to be a De Laders; and the best
thing was to mention Papa's family as little as
possible. For this reason she denied Uncle Anton,
1 A Dutch title of nobility, ranking below that of baron.
79
8o OLD PEOPLE AND THE
as far as her acquaintances were concerned, he being
a discreditable old reprobate, about whom the queer-
est stories were rumoured. At the same time, he
was a moneyed uncle; and so she caused him to be
kept in view, especially by the young Van Wely
couple, for Ina, in her very small soul, was both a
good daughter to her father and a good mother
to her children and would like to see Uncle Anton
leave his money how much would he have? to
her children. Then there was the Indian family of
Uncle Daniel, who was Papa's partner in business
in Java and who came over to Holland at regular
intervals: well, Ina was glad when business went
well for that meant money in the home and
when Uncle Daniel and fat, Indian Aunt Floor
were safe on board the outward mail again, for-
really they were both quite unpresentable, Uncle
with his East-Indian ways and Aunt such a nonna 1
that Ina was positively ashamed of her! Well,
then, in Paris you had Aunt Therese van der
Staff, who, after leading a pretty loose life, had
turned Catholic: there you were, that again
was so eccentric! The De Laders had always been
Walloons 2 and the D'Herbourgs also were always
1 A half-caste.
1 The Walloon Protestants are a branch of the French
Calvinists imported into the Netherlands at the revocation of
the Edict of Nantes. They differ from the general body of
Dutch Calvinists only in the use of the French language and
the Geneva Catechism. They are gradually dying out as a
separate body.
THINGS THAT PASS 81
Walloons: really, Walloonism was more disting-
uished than Catholicism, at the Hague. The best
thing was . . . just never to mention Aunt
Therese. Last but not least, there was Aunt
Ottilie Steyn de Weert, living at the Hague, alas,
three times married and twice divorced! And she
had a daughter who was a singer and had gone to
the bad and a son who had written two immoral
novels : oh, that was a terrible thing for Ina
d'Herbourg, you know; it was such bad form and
so incorrect; and all their acquaintances knew about
it, though she never mentioned Aunt Ottilie or her
three husbands, who were all three alive ! And,
when Ina d'Herbourg thought of Aunt Steyn de
Weert, she would cast up her weary, well-bred eyes
with a helpless air and heave a deep sigh; and, with
that glance and her despair, she looked an entire
IJsselmonde. For she herself, she thought, -in-
herited more of the aristocratic blood of her mother,
a Freule x IJsselmonde, than of her father's
Dercksz blood. An only daughter, she had been
able, through the Aunts IJsselmonde, to mix in
rather better circles than the all too East-Indian
circle of her father's family, in so far as that circle
existed, for the family was little known in society:
an isolation seemed to reign around the Derckszes,
who knew very few people; and even her mother,
when she was still alive, had never been able to push
1 The title borne by the unmarried daughters of Dutch
noblemen.
82 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
Papa forward as something of a specialist in East-
Indian affairs and make him aim at the colonial
secretaryship, hard though she had tried to do so.
No, Father was not to be dragged out of his
innate, silent timidity; and, though he was quite
gentle and amenable, though he joined in paying all
the visits that were deemed essential, though he
gave dinners and went out to dinner, he remained
the man he was, a quiet, peaceful man of business,
ailing in health and silently broken in soul, with
pain and suffering in his eyes and around his mouth,
but never complaining and always reticent. Harold
Dercksz was now a tall, thin old man; and that
intermittent suffering and eternal silence seemed to
grow worse with the years of sorrow and pain,
seemed no longer capable of concealment; yet he
spoke of it to nobody but his doctor and not much
to him. For the rest, he was silent, never talked
about himself, not even to his brother Daan, who
came at regular intervals to Holland on the business-
matters in which they were both interested.
Ina d'Herbourg was a good daughter: when her
father was ill, she looked after him as she looked
after everything in the house, correctly and not
without affection. But she did sometimes ask her-
self whether her mother had not been disappointed
in her marriage, for Papa had not much money,
in spite of all the Indian business. Yes, Mamma
had been disappointed financially; and financial
disappointment was always facing Ina too. But,
THINGS THAT PASS 83
when Ina's husband, Leopold d'Herbourg who,
after taking his degree in law, had first thought of
entering the diplomatic service, but who, in spite
of his self-importance, had not felt himself
sufficiently gifted for that career and was now a
briefless barrister when Ina's husband was also
disappointed with the Indian money, then Ina, after
a few domestic scenes, began to think that it would
be her fate always to long for money and never to
have any. Now, it was true, they lived in a big
house and Papa was very generous and bore the
whole expense of keeping Pol at Leiden; but yet
things didn't go easily with Ina, the money trickled
through her fingers and she would very much have
liked to see more money about, a great deal more
money. That was why she was pleasant to Aunt
Stefanie de Laders and pleasant, furtively, to Uncle
Anton.
Her fate continued to persecute her: instead of
Lily's waiting a little and making a good match,
she had fallen so deeply in love, when hardly twenty,
with Frits van Wely, a penniless subaltern, that
Ina could do nothing, especially when Papa said:
" Do let the children be happy! . . ."
And he had given them an allowance, but it meant
sheer poverty; and yet Frits and Lily were married
and in less than no time there was a boy. Then the
only thing that Ina could induce them to do was
to call the baby after Aunt Stefanie.
"Stefanus?" Lily exclaimed, in dismay.
84 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
Well, anything for a quiet life! They would call
the boy Stef, which sounded rather nice, for Aunt
would never hear of Etienne. Ina would have
liked Stef anus Anton best; but to this Frits and Lily
would not consent.
It was a principle of Ina d'Herbourg's never to
talk about money and never about the family; but,
because principles are very difficult to maintain,
there was always talk about money in the D'Her-
bourgs' house and a great deal of talk about the
family. Both were grateful subjects of conversation
between Ina and her husband; and, now that Lot
Pauws was engaged to Elly Takma, the talk flowed
on of its own accord, one evening after dinner, while
Harold Dercksz sat looking silently in front of him.
" How much do you think they'll have, Papa?"
asked Ina.
The old gentleman made a vague gesture and went
on staring.
" Lot, of course, has nothing," said D'Herbourg.
" His parents are both alive. I daresay he makes
something by those articles of his, but it can't amount
to much."
4 What does he get for an article?" asked Ina,
eager to know at all costs.
" / don't know, I haven't the remotest notion ! "
cried D'Herbourg.
" Do you think he'll get anything from old Pauws?
He lives in Brussels, doesn't he? "
* Yes, but old Pauws has nothing either 1 "
THINGS THAT PASS 85
" Or from Aunt Ottilie? She has the money her
father left her, you know. Steyn has nothing, has
he, Father? Besides, why should Steyn give Lot
anything? " i
" No," said D'Herbourg. " But old Mr. Takma
has plenty : Elly's sure to get something from him."
" I can't understand how they are going to live,"
said Ina.
" They won't have less than Lily and Frits."
" But I can't understand how those two are going
to live either ! " Ina retorted.
" Then you should have found your daughter a
rich husband! "
" Please," said Ina, wearily closing the well-bred
eyes, with the glance of the IJsselmondes, " don't
let us talk about money. I'm sick and tired of it.
And other people's money . . . is le moindre de
mes soucis. I don't care in the least how another
person lives. . . . Still ... I believe that
Grandmamma is better off than we think."
" I know roughly how much she ought to have,"
said D'Herbourg. " Deelhof the solicitor was say-
ing the other day ..."
" How much? " asked Ina, eagerly; and the weary
eyes brightened up.
But, because he saw an expression of pain come
over his father-in-law's face and wrinkle it and
because he did not know whether the pain was
physical or moral, arising from gastritis or from
nerves, D'Herbourg evaded the question. It was
86 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
difficult, however, to stop at once, even though Papa
did look pained, and so he said:
" Aunt Stefanie must be comfortably off."
" Yes, but I should think," said Ina, " considering
how Uncle Anton used to hoard while he was a resi-
dent, that he's much better off than Aunt Stefanie.
As an unmarried man, he never entertained during
his term of office: that I know for a fact. The
resident's house was tumbling to pieces when he left
it after eight years. ..."
" But Uncle Anton is an old reprobate," said
D'Herbourg, forcibly, " and that cost him money."
"No!" said Harold Dercksz.
He said it as though in pain, waving his hand in
a gesture of denial; but he had no sooner uttered
this single word in defence of his brother than he
regretted it, for Ina asked, eagerly:
" No, Papa? But surely Uncle Anton's life won't
bear investigation . . ."
And D'Herbourg asked:
' Then how was he able to be such a beast, with-
out paying for his pleasures? ..."
Harold Dercksz cast about for a word in pallia-
tion; he said:
" The women were fond of Anton ..."
" Women? Flappers, you mean ! "
"No, no!" Harold Dercksz protested, repudi-
ating the suggestion with his lean old hand.
" Ssh! " said Ina, looking round.
The boys entered.
THINGS THAT PASS 87
" Why, Uncle Anton was had up thirty years
ago! " D'Herbourg continued.
" No, no," Harold Dercksz protested.
Pol, the student, and Gus, the younger boy,
entered; and there was no more talk about money
and the family that evening; and, because of the boys,
the after-dinner tea went off pleasantly. Truly, Ina
was a good mother and had brought her boys up
well: because of old Grandfather, they were gay
without being noisy, which always gave Harold
Dercksz an agreeable, homely feeling; and they were
both very polite, to the great contentment of Ina,
who was able to say that Pol and Gus did not get
that from the Derckszes : when Grandfather rose to
go to his study upstairs, Gus flew to the door and
held it open, with very great deference. The old
man nodded kindly to his grandson, tapped him on
the shoulder and went up the stairs, reflecting that
Ina was a good daughter, though she had her faults.
He liked living in her house. He would have felt
very lonely by himself. He was fond of those two
boys. They represented something young, some-
thing that was still on its way to maturity, merrily
and gaily, those two young-boyish lives: they were
not, like all the rest, something that passed, things
that passed, slowly and threateningly, for years and
years and years. . . .
On reaching his study, Harold Dercksz turned up
the gas and dropped into his chair and stared. Life
sometimes veiled things, veiled them silently, those
88
terrible, life-long things, and then they did not
threaten so greatly and, until death came and wiped
them away, they passed, passed always, however
slowly they might pass. But they passed away
very slowly, the things. He was an old man now,
a man of seventy-three, and an infirm old man,
dragging his old age to the grave for which he was
yearning. How many sufferings had he not endured !
He could not understand why he need grow so old,
while the things passed so slowly, went silently by,
but with such a trailing action, as though they, the
things of the past, were ghosts trailing very long
veils over very long paths and as though the veils
rustled over the whirling leaves that fluttered upon
the paths. All his long aftermath of life he had
seen the things go past and he had often failed to
understand how seeing them go past like that was
not too much for a man's brain. But the things had
dragged their veils and the leaves had just rustled :
never had the threat been realized; no one had
stepped from behind a tree; the path had remained
desolate under his eyes; and the path wound on and
on and the ghostly things went past. . . . Some-
times they looked round, with ghostly eyes; some-
times they went on again, with dragging slowness:
they were never brought to a standstill. He had
seen them pass silently through his childhood,
through his boyhood, when he was the age of Pol
and Gus; he had seen them pass through his very
commonplace life as a coffee-planter in Java and a
THINGS THAT PASS 89
manufacturer afterwards and through his married
life with a woman whose existence he had come to
share by mistake, even as she had come by mistake
to share his: he, doubtless, because he did nothing
but see those things, the things that passed. . . .
He now coughed, a hard, dry cough, which hurt his
chest and stomach and sent jolts shooting through
his shrunken legs. . . .
Oh, how much longer would it last, his seeing the
things ? . . . They went past, they went past and
loitered and loitered. . . . Oh, why did they not
go faster? . . . From the time when he was a
little fellow of thirteen, a merry, sportive little fellow
playing barefoot in the river before the assistant-
resident's house, rejoicing in the fruit, the birds, the
animals, rejoicing in all the glad child-life of a boy
in Java who can play in big grounds, beside running
waters, and climb up tall, red-blossoming trees; from
the moment a sultry night, the dark sky first
threatening and then shedding heavy, clattering
torrents of rain from the moment when he saw
the things, the first things, the first terrible Thing:
from that moment a confusion had crept over his
tender brain like a monster which had not exactly
crushed the child, but which had ever since possessed
it, held it in its claws. . . . All the years of his
life, he had seen the Thing rise up again, like a vision,
the terrible Thing begotten and born in that night
when, being no doubt a little feverish, he had been
unable to sleep under the heavy, leaden night, which
90 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
still held up the rain in powerful sails that could not
burst and allowed no air through for him to breathe.
The vision? No, the Thing, the actual Thing . . .
A lonely pasangrahan l in the mountains : he is
there alone with his two parents, he the darling of
his father, who is taking his sick-leave. The other
brothers and the sisters have been left behind in the
town, in the assistant-resident's house.
He cannot sleep and he calls :
" Baboe, come here ! ..."
She does not answer. Where is she? As a rule,
she lies outside his door, on her little mat, and wakes
at once.
" Baboe, baboe, come here ! "
He becomes impatient; he is a big boy, but he is
frightened, because he has a touch of fever too, like
Papa, and because the night is so sultry, as though
an earthquake were at hand.
"Baboe! ..."
She is not there.
He struggles up and gets entangled in the
klamboe,- which he is unable to open in his feverish
terror. . . . He now releases himself from the
muslin folds and is again about to call out for his
1 Dak bungalow. * Mosquito-curtain.
THINGS THAT PASS 91
baboe . . . but he hears voices, whispering, in
the back verandah. . . . The blood curdles in
the boy's body : he thinks of thieves, of ketjoes? and
is horribly frightened. . . . No, they are not
speaking Javanese : they are not ketjoes. They are
speaking Dutch, with Malay in between ; and he next
recognizes Baboe's voice. And he tries to utter a
scream of fright, but his fright prevents him. . . .
What are they doing, what is happening? The boy
is clammy, cold. . . . He has heard his mother's
voice : he now recognizes the voice of Mr. Emile,
Mr. Takma, the secretary, who is so often at the
house in the town. . . . Oh, what are they doing
out there in the dark? . . . He was frightened
at first, but now he is cold rather and shivers and
does not know why. . . . What can be happening?
What are Mamma and Mr. Takma and Ma-Boeten
doing out there in the night? . . . His curiosity
overcomes his terrors. He keeps very quiet, only
his teeth chatter; he opens the door of his room,
very gently, to prevent its creaking. The middle
verandah is dark, the back verandah is dark. . . .
"Hush, baboe, hush, O my God, hushl . . .
Quietly, quietly. . . . If the sin jo 2 should
hear! . . ."
" He's asleep, kandjeng. 3 ..."
" If the oppas 4 should hear! . . ..."
1 Native robber-bands.
3 The young gentleman.
* Mem-sahib.
4 From the Dutch oppasser: overseer, watchman.
92 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" He's asleep, kandjeng. ..."
" O my God, O my God, if he should wake ! . . .
Oh, baboe, baboe, what are we to do? . . . "
" Be quiet, Ottilie, be quiet I ..."
" Nothing else for it, kandjeng: in the river, in
the river! ..."
" O my God, O my God, no, no, not in the river ! "
" Do keep quiet, Ottilie ! "
" O my God, no, not in the river! "
" It's the only way, Ottilie ! Be quiet, be quiet !
Hold your tongue, I say! Do you want to get us
both taken up . . . for murder?"
"I? Did I murder him?"
" / couldn't help it ! / acted in self-defence ! You
hated him, / didn't, Ottilie. But you did it with
me."
" Oh, my God, no, no! "
" Don't try to avoid your share of the blame ! "
"No, no, no!"
" You hung on to him ..."
"Yes, no ..."
"When I snatched his kris from him!"
"Yes ... yes .. ."
" Hush, kandjeng, hush ! "
" O my God, O my God, it's lightening! . . .
Oh, what a clap, what a clap ! "
The mountains echo the rolling thunder, again
and again and yet again. The torrent pours down,
as though the rain-sails were tearing. . . .
The boy hears his mother's scream.
THINGS THAT PASS 93
"Quiet, Ottilie, quiet! "
" I can bear it no longer, I shall faint! "
" Be quiet ! Hold his leg. Baboe, you take the
other leg! "
' There's blood, on the floor. ..."
" Wipe it up."
" Presently, kandjeng, oh, presently ! . . . First
to the river. ..."
"O my God, O my God!"
The boy's teeth chatter and his eyes start from
his head and his heart thumps, in his fever. He is
mortally frightened, but he wants to see, too. He
does not understand and, above all, he wants to see.
His childish curiosity wants to see the terrible Thing
which he does not yet understand. Silently, on his
bare feet, he steals through the dark verandah. And,
in the dim light of the night outside ... he sees !
He sees the Thing! A flash of lightning, terrible;
a clap of thunder, as if the mountains were falling
. . . and he has seen ! He is now looking only
at vagueness, the vague progress of something which
they are carrying ... of somebody whom they
are carrying, Mamma, Mr. Emile and Ma-Boeten.
In his innocence, he does not realize whom. In his
innocence, he thinks only of terrible things and
people, of robbers and treasures, of creepy incidents
in his story-books. . . . Whom are they carrying
through the garden ? Can't Papa hear them? Won't
he wake? Is he so fast asleep?
Now he no longer hears their voices. . . . Now
94 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
they have disappeared in the garden. . . . Doesn't
the oppas hear? . . . No, everything remains
quiet; everything has disappeared in the darkness
and the rain; he sees nothing but the rain pouring
in torrents, pelting, pelting, furiously. The furious
pelting prevents Father and Oppas from hearing. 1
. . . The sky has burst and all the rain in the sky
is pelting down. . . . He is shivering with cold
and fever. And suddenly he feels his little bare foot
stepping on something warm and soft. . , . It is
blood, clotted blood. . . .
He no longer dares to move forwards or back-
wards. He stands with his teeth chattering and all
the clatter of the rain around him. . . . But he
must wake his father, take refuge with him, hide him-
self in his arms and sob and sob with fright! . . .
He gropes his way back to the middle verandah; he
sees the door of Mamma's room standing open: a
little lamp is flickering faintly. Again his foot feels
the soft warmth and he shudders at the terrible mire,
which is blood, clotted blood, and lies everywhere,
on the matting. But he wants to get to the little
lamp, to take it with him to Papa's room, so far
away, near the front verandah. He goes to the
lamp and takes it and sees Mamma's bed all tumbled,
with the pillows on the floor. . . . And he now
sees the red on the floor, already almost black, and
he is terrified and feels icy cold and steps aside with
the lamp, so as not to tread on a kris, a handsome
presentation weapon, which Papa received from the
THINGS THAT PASS 95
Regent * yesterday ! There it lies . . . and the
blade is red! Now everything is misty-red before
his childish eyes, oh, terribly red in the verandah,
with its dancing shadows, through which he, so small,
goes with his little lamp, in his terror and fever:
perhaps he is dreaming I . . . To Papa's room:
" Papa, oh, Papa, oh, Papa! "
He is stammering with fright, at his wits' end
without Papa's protection.
He opens Papa's door :
" Papa, oh, Papa, oh, Papa ! "
He goes up to the bed with his little lamp in his
hand. Papa has slept in the bed, but is not there
now. . . . Where is Papa? . . . And of a
sudden it stands revealed to his childish mind. He
sees the terrible Thing, sees it as a dreadful, awful,
blood-red haunting vision. What they carried away
through the garden, through the pouring rain, to the
river . . . was Papa, was Papa ! What Mamma
and Mr. Emile and Ma-Boeten are carrying away
outside ... is Papa ! . . . He is all alone in
the house . . . Papa is dead and they are carry-
ing him to the river. . . . He has seen the Thing.
. . . He goes on seeing the Thing. . . . He
will always see it. ... He does not know why
he has suddenly grown years older but he shuts
Papa's door, goes back, puts Mamma's lamp where
he found it and goes back to his own room. He
trembles in the dark and his teeth chatter and his
1 A title of an independent native prince, equivalent to rajah.
96 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
eyes start and stare out of his head. But he washes
his feet, in the dark, and at once flings the towel into
the linen-basket. He creeps into bed, pulls the
klamboe to, pulls the coverlet over his ears. And
he lies shaking with fever. The iron bedstead
underneath him trembles in unison. He is alone in
the pasangrahan and he has seen the terrible Thing :
first the actual progress of it and then the revealing
vision, in the glare of the lightning-flashes, under the
roar of the mountain-cleaving thunder. He lies and
shakes. . . . How long does it last? How long
does it last? . . . Half an hour, three-quarters
of an hour. . . . He hears Baboe coming back
and Mamma moaning, sobbing, groaning and
Ma-Boeten muttering:
" Hush, kadjeng, hush ! ..."
" They're sure to have seen us! . . .'*
" No, there was no one there. . . . Think of
Sinjo Harold, kandjeng! ..."
Everything becomes still. . . .
Deathly still. . . .
The boy lies shaking with fever; and all night
long his starting eyes stare and he sees the
Thing. . . .
He has seen it ever since; and he has grown to
be an old man. . . .
Next day, Papa's body is discovered among the
great boulders in the river. There are suggestions
of a perkara 1 with a woman, in the kampong,- of
1 Business, fuss, bother. * Compound.
THINGS THAT PASS 97
jealousy. But Dr. Roelofsz finds that the wound
was caused by nothing more than a sharp rock, to
which Dercksz tried to cling, when drowning. . . .
No need to credit natives' gossip. . . . No
question of a murder. . . . The controller draws
up the report: Assistant-resident Dercksz staying
temporarily in the pasangrahan, unable to sleep
because of his fever and the sultry weather went
out during the night, for the sake of air. . . . The
oppasser heard him . . . and was rather sur-
prised, for it was raining in torrents. . . . But
it was not the first time that the kandjeng had gone
out into the jungle at night, because of his sleepless-
ness. . . . He missed his way; and the river was
swollen. ... It was impossible for him to swim,
among the great rocks. . . . He was drowned
in the stormy night. . . . His body was found
by natives some distance below the pasangrahan,
while Mrs. Dercksz, on walking in the morning, was
very uneasy at not finding her husband in his
room.
Harold Dercksz sat and stared.
In his silent, gloomy business-man's study, he saw
the Thing pass, but with such a trailing movement
and so slowly. . . . And he did not notice the
door open and his daughter Ina enter.
/
98 THINGS THAT PASS
"Father ..."
He did not answer.
"Father! Father ..."
He started.
" I have come to say good-night. . . . What
were you thinking of so hard, Father? "
Harold Dercksz drew his hand over his fore-
head:
" Nothing, dear . . . things . . . old
things. ..."
He saw them: there they went, trailing long
spectral veils over rustling leaves . . . and . . .
and was anything threatening behind the trees in
that endless path? . . .
"Old things? . . . Oh, Father, they are past
by now I ... I never think of old things : the
life of to-day is difficult enough for people without
money. ..."
She kissed him good-night. . . .
No, the old things . . . are not yet the things
of the past. . . . They are passing, they are
passing . . . but so slowly!
CHAPTER VIII
LOT PAUWS was sitting in his room, writing, when
he heard the voices of his mother and of her
husband, Steyn, below. Mamma Ottilie's voice
sounded shrill, in steadily rising anger; and Steyn's
calm, indifferent bass voice boomed with short, jerky
sentences and egged on Mamma's words till she
stuttered them out and almost choked in the panting
effort.
Lot put down his pen with a sigh and went down-
stairs. He saw the old servant-maid listening
eagerly at the kitchen-door, but she disappeared
when she heard Lot's footstep on the stair.
Lot entered the room:
"What's the matter?"
"What's the matter? What's the matter? I'll
tell you what's the matter: I was a fool when I
married, I was a fool to bring my property into
settlement. If I hadn't, I could have done as I
pleased ! Aren't they my children, my own children?
If they want money, can't I send it to them? Must
they starve, while he ... while he . . ."
She pointed to Steyn.
'Well, what?" said Steyn, challenging her.
' While he blews my money on women, his ever-
lasting, low women . . ."
99
ioo OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" I say, Mamma! "
" Well, it's true ! "
" Hush, Mamma, for shame : don't talk like that I
What's it. all about, Steyn?"
" Mamma has had a letter from London."
" From the Trevelleys? "
" From Hugh. He asks for money."
" And can't I send my son money if I want to? "
cried Mamma to Lot. " Isn't Hugh my child, isn't
he my son? It's bad enough of you to object to
my seeing much of them, but am I to break with
them altogether? If Hugh is without an appoint-
ment for the moment, can't I send him some money?
Isn't it my money? Steyn has his money, his pension.
I don't ask him for his money! "
" Look here, Lot," said Steyn. " Mamma can do
as she likes, of course. But there is hardly enough
as you know, for our regular expenses. If Mamma
goes and sends Hugh fifty pounds, I don't know how
we shall manage. That's all; and for the rest I
don't care what Mamma says."
" You blew my money on low women, for you're
low yourself and always have been ! "
"Mamma, stop that! And be quiet. I can't
stand quarrelling and scolding. Be quiet. Be quiet,
Mamma. Let me see Hugh's letter."
"No, I sha'n't let you see it either! What do
you imagine? I'm not accountable to my son!
Are you also siding with that brute against your
mother? You'd both of you like me to break with
THINGS THAT PASS 101
my own children, my own flesh and blood, my
darlings, my d-dar-lings, because it suits your book!
When do I see them? When? Tell me, when?
Mary, John, Hugh : when do I see Hugh? Suppose
I was mistaken in their father, aren't they my own
children, just as much as you and Ottilie? I can't
let my boy starve ! "
" I know quite well that Hugh abuses your kind'
ness, your weakness . . . not to speak of the two
others."
' That's right, don't you speak of them ! Just
break with your brothers and sisters ! Just think
that there's nobody in the world but yourself and
that your mother has no one but you; and go and
get married and leave your mother alone with that
fellow, that low fellow, who sneaks out at night to
his women! Because he's still young! Because he's
so young and his wife is old ! But, if he has to go
to his women and if you get married, I promise you
I won't stay in the house alone and I swear I'll go
to Hugh. My own dear boy, my d-dar-lmg: when
do I see him? When do I see him? I haven't seen
him for a year! "
" Please, Mamma, keep calm and don't scream so.
Talk quietly. You make me so dreadfully tired with
that screaming and quarrelling and scolding: I can't
stand it ... I won't ask you to show me Hugh's
letter. But Steyn is right; and, from what I know
of our present financial position, it would be folly
to send six hundred guilders to Hugh, who never has
102 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
more than some vague ' appointment ' in the City.
You can't do it."
" Yes, I can, selfish brute that you are ! What
do you know about your mother's money? I always
have money when I want it ! "
' Yes, I know : you lose it and then you find it
again in your cupboard. . . ."
" And, though I don't find it in my cupboard this
time and if Steyn keeps the money locked up, 1
shall just go to the bank and ask for it and they
won't refuse me. And I'll have it sent by the bank.
There, you see, I can do it, grasping, selfish brutes
that you both are! I'll put on my hat and go.
I'll go at once, I'll go to the bank; and Hugh . . .
Hugh shall have his money to-morrow or next day,
any day. I should do it for you, Lot, or for Ottilie;
and I shall do it for Hugh. I am his mother and I
shall do it: I shall, I shall, so there! "
She stammered and choked with rage ; and a prick
of jealousy, because Lot had defended Steyn and
because Steyn cared more for Lot than for her, drove
into the flesh of her heart and caused her such suffer-
ing that she no longer knew what she was saying
and felt like boxing Lot's ears and felt that . . .
that she could have murdered Steyn! And she
flounced out of the room, pale with passion, knock-
ing against the furniture, slamming the door, and
rushed upstairs. She could have sobbed with that
pricking pain. . . . Steyn and Lot heard her
moving and stamping overhead, putting on her things
THINGS THAT PASS 103
and talking to herself and scolding, scolding,
scolding.
Steyn's hard features, rough but handsome under
his beard, were suddenly twisted to softness by a
spasm of despair.
" Lot, my dear fellow," he said, " I've stood this
for nearly twenty years."
"Now then, Steyn!"
" For nearly twenty years. Screaming, scolding,
wrangling. . . . She's your mother. We won't
say any more about it."
" Steyn, she's my mother and I'm fond of her,
in spite of everything; but you know I feel how you
must suffer."
" Suffer? I don't know. A chap gets dulled. But
I do think sometimes that I've thrown away my life
in a most wretched way. And who's benefited by it?
Not even she."
' Try to look upon her as a child, as a temper-
some, spoilt child. Be nice to her, once in a way.
A kind word, a caress : that's what she needs. She's
a woman who lives on petting. Poor Mamma : I
know nobody who needs it as she does. She leans
up against me sometimes, while I stroke her. Then
she's happy. If I give her a kiss, she's happy. If I
tell her she's got a soft skin, she's happy. She is a
child. Try to look upon her as that; and be nice
to her, just once or twice."
" I can't, any longer. I was mad on her, madly
in love with her, at one time. If she hadn't always
104 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
quarrelled and been so impossibly unreasonable, we
could still be living together amicably. Though she
is older than I, we could still have got on. But she's
impossible. You see it as well as I do. There's no
money; and, because she doesn't discover any in her
cupboard this time, she simply goes and draws it
from the bank to send to Hugh. It's those letters
from the Trevelleys which cause scenes at regular
intervals. They bleed her in turns; and the shab-
biest part of it, you know, is that the father's at the
back of it."
" Is that quite certain?"
" Yes. Trevelley's always at the back of it. He
influences those children. We are getting into debt
for Trevelley's sake. . . . Lot, I've often thought
of getting a divorce. I wouldn't do it, because
Mamma has been twice divorced already. But I
sometimes ask myself, am I not throwing away my
life for nothing? What good am I to her or she
to me? We are staying together for nothing, for
things that are past, for a passion that is past: one
moment of mad, insensate blindness, of not knowing
or caring, of just wanting. . . . For things that
are past I have been throwing away my life, day
after day, for twenty years on end. I am a simple
enough chap, but I used to enjoy my life, I enjoyed
the service . . . and I have taken a dislike to
everything and go on wasting my life day after day
. . . For something that is quite past I . . ."
" Steyn, you know I appreciate what you do. And
THINGS THAT PASS 105
you're doing it purely for Mamma's sake. But, you
know, I have often said to you, go your own way.
Barren sacrifices make no appeal to me. If you
think you will still find something in life by leaving
Mamma, then do so."
But Steyn seemed to have recovered his indiffer-
ence:
" No, my boy, what's spoilt is spoilt. Twenty
years wear out a man's energy to make something
more of his life. I felt at the time that I oughn't
to desert Mamma, when she was left all alone, not
wholly through my fault, perhaps, but still very
much so. To leave her now, when she is an old
woman, would be the act of a cad: I can't do it.
I take that line not as a barren sacrifice, but because
I can't help it. I don't allow my life to be made a
hell of. I go my own way when I want to, though
Mamma exaggerates when she pretends that I go
to a woman at night."
" Mamma is naturally jealous and she's still
jealous of you."
" And she's jealous of you. She's an unhappy
woman; and the older she grows the unhappier she
will be. She's one of those people who ought never
to grow old. . . . Come along, Jack, we're going
for a walk. . . . But, Lot, if Mamma goes on
like this, we shall have to have her property admin-
istered for her. There's nothing else for it."
Lot gave a start: he pictured Mamma with her
property transferred to an administrator; and yet
io6 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
Steyn was right. He thought that he had better have
a quiet talk with Mamma. For the moment, there
was nothing to be done : Mamma was exasperated,
was behaving like a lunatic and would send Hugh
the fifty pounds.
Lot went back to his room and tried to resume
his work. He was writing an essay On Art, proving
that art was entertainment and the artist an enter-
tainer. He did not know whether he agreed with
everything that he was saying, but that didn't matter
and was of no importance. It was a subject to fill
a few brilliant pages, written with all his talent for
words; and it would catch the public, it would be
read: it would rouse indignation on the one side and
a smile on the other, because there really might be
a good deal in it and because Charles Pauws might
be right in what he said. He lovingly fashioned his
sentences out of beautiful words, making them seem
convincing through their brilliancy. . . . But in
between the sentences he thought of poor Mamma
and suddenly found that he could not go on wri-
ting. He pitied her. He felt for Steyn, but he pitied
poor Mamma. . . . He rose and paced his room,
which was full of spoils of Italy: a few bronzes, a
number of photographs after the Italian masters.
A good fellow, Steyn, to let him have this room
next to Mamma's and to go up to the top floor him-
self. But he pitied his mother, who was such a child.
She had always been a child: she could not help
being and remaining a child. She had been so very
THINGS THAT PASS 107
pretty and so seductive : a little doll always ; and
he remembered, when he was already a boy of seven-
teen, how perfectly charming Mamma used to look:
so young, so extraordinarily young, with that ador-
able little face, those blue childlike eyes and that per-
fect, plump figure. She was thirty-eight then, without
a sign of age; she was a pretty woman in the full
bloom of her attractiveness. He had no need to
look at Mamma's photographs as she was in those
days and earlier: he remembered her like that; he
remembered her looking like a young girl in a low,
creamy-white lace dress, which she did not even take
the trouble to put on very neatly, looking above
all things charming, so intensely charming; he re-
membered her in a brown-cloth frock trimmed with
astrakhan, with a little astrakhan cap on her frizzy
hair, skating with him on the ice, so lightly and
gracefully that people believed her to be his sister.
. . . Poor Mamma, growing old now ! And yet
she still looked very nice, but she was growing old;
and she had nothing he was sure of this she had
nothing but her faculty for love. She had five child-
ren, but she was not a mother: Lot laughed and
shook his head at the thought. He had educated
himself; Ottilie had very early become aware of her
great talent and her beautiful voice and had also
educated herself; the Trevelleys had run more wild.
. . . No, Mamma was not a mother, was not a
woman of domestic tastes, was not even a woman
of the world : Mamma had nothing but her faculty
io8 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
for love. She needed love, probably no longer
needed passion, but still needed love; and what she
needed most, needed mortally, was petting, like a
child. And nobody petted her more than he did,
because he knew that Mamma was mad on petting.
She had once safd to him, pointing to a photograph
of his half-brother Hugh Trevelley, a good-looking
lad turned twenty:
" Lot, it's eight months since I had a kiss from
him!"
And he had seen something in Mamma as though
she were craving for Hugh's kiss, though he some-
times treated her so roughly and cavalierly. Of
course, this was also a motherly feeling on Mam-
ma's part, but it was perhaps even more a need
to have this lad, who was her son, caress her,
caress her sweetly. . . . And were they to put
her under any kind of restraint? Perhaps it would
have to come ! It would be perfectly horrid : that
dear Mummy ! But she was so silly sometimes ! So
stupid! Such a child, for such an old woman!
. . . Oh, it was terrible, that growing old and
older and yet remaining what you were ! How little
life taught you! How little it formed you! It left
you as you were and merely wore off your sharp and
attractive irregularities! . . . Poor Mamma, her
life was made up of nothing but things that were
past . . . and especially things of love! . . .
Aunt Stefanie spoke of hysteria; and a great streak
of sensual passion had run through the family; but it
THINGS THAT PASS 109
did not come from the Derckszes, as Aunt Stefanie
pretended : it came from Grandmamma herself. He
had always heard that, like his mother, she too had
been a woman of passion. People talked of all sorts
of adventures which she had had in India, until she
met Takma. There was a kind of curse on their
family, a curse of unhappy marriages. Both of
Grandmamma's marriages had turned out unhappily :
General de Laders appeared to have been a brute,
however much Aunt Stefanie might defend her
father. With Grandpapa Dercksz, so people said,
Grandmamma was exceedingly unhappy: the ad-
ventures dated back to that time. Grandpapa
Dercksz was drowned by falling at night into the
swollen river behind a pasangrahan in the Tegal
mountains. Lot remembered how that had always
been talked about, how the rumours had persisted
for years. The story, which dated sixty years back,
ran that Grandpapa Dercksz had shown kindness to
a woman in the kampong and that he was stabbed
by a Javanese out of jealousy. It was mere gossip:
Dr. Roelofsz said that it was mere gossip. . . , :
A curse of unhappy marriages. . . . Uncle Anton
had never been married; but in him the streak of
passion developed into a broad vein of hysteria.
. . . Uncle Harold, human but inscrutable, had
been unhappy with his freule, who was too Dutch
for an Indian planter. . . . Uncle Daan, in India
they were on their way to Holland at this
moment was to outward appearances not unhappy
i io OLD PEOPLE AND THE
with a far too Indian wife, Aunt Floor: they were
now old and staid and sedate, but there was a time
when the fatal streak had run through both of them,
developing in Aunt a Dillenhof, belonging to
Grandmamma's family into the vein, the broad
vein. Well, that was all past: they were old people
now. . . . Aunt Therese van der Staff had be-
come a Catholic, after an unhappy marriage; they
said that Theo, her son, was not the son of her
husband. . . . And his own poor mother, thrice
married and thrice unhappily!
He had never looked at it like this before, through-
out and down the generations, but, when he did, it
was terrible : a sort of clinging to the social law
of marriage which was suited to none of those tem-
peraments. Why had they married? They were all
old people now, but ... if they had been young
now, with modern views, would they have married?
Would they have married? Their blood, often
heated to the point of hysteria, could never have
endured that constraint. They had found the
momentary counterparts of their passion, for not
one of them with the exception perhaps of Uncle
Harold had married for other than passionate
reasons; but, as soon as the constraint of marriage
oppressed them, they had felt their fate, the social
law which they had always honoured, thoughtlessly
and instinctively, and which did not suit them; they
had felt their family curse of being married and
unhappy. . . . And he himself, why was he get-
Ill
ting married? He suddenly asked himself the
question, seriously, as he had once asked his mother
in jest. Why was he getting married? Was he a
man for marriage? Did he not know himself only
too well? Cynical towards himself, he saw himself
as he was and was fully aware of his own egotism.
He knew all his little vanities, of personal appear-
ance, of a fine literary style. . . . He smiled: he
was not a bad sort, there were worse than he; but,
in Heaven's name, why was he getting married?
Why had he proposed to Elly? . . . And yet he
felt happy; and, now that he was seriously asking
himself why he was getting married, he felt very
seriously that he was fond of Elly, perhaps fonder
than he himself knew. But the thought was irre-
pressible why get married? Would he escape the
family curse? Wasn't Ottilie at Nice really right,
Ottilie who refused to marry and who lived unbound
with her Italian officer she herself had written to
tell him so until they should cease to love each
other? Was the streak continued in her or .- . .
was she right and he wrong? Was she, his sister,
a woman, stronger in her views of life than he, a
man? . . . Why, why get married? Couldn't
he say to Elly, who was so sensible, that he pre-
ferred to live unbound with her? ; . . ... No, it
was not feasible: there remained, however little
it might count with them, the question of social con-
sideration; there was her grandfather; there were
people and things, conventions, difficulties. No, he
ii2 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
could not put it to Elly; and yet she would have
understood it all right. ... So there was nothing
for it but to get married in the ordinary way and to
hope because they loved each other so thoroughly
and not only out of passion that the curse would
not force its fate upon them, the yoke of an unhappy
marriage. . . .
Those people, those uncles and aunts, had been
unhappy, in their marriages. They were now grow-
ing old; those things of other days were now all
passing. . . . They were passing. . . . Would
they come to him, who was still young? Must
they come around him, now that he was growing
older? Oh, to grow older, to grow old! Oh,
the terrible nightmare of growing old, of seeing
the wintry-grey vistas opening before him! To be
humbled in his conceit with his appearance did not
mean so very much; to be humbled in his conceit
with his literary gifts hurt more ; but to be humbled
in his whole physical and moral existence: that was
the horror, the nightmare ! Not humbled all at
once, but slowly undergoing the decay of his young
and vigorous body, the withering of his intelligence
and his soul. . . . Oh, to grow as old as
Grandmamma and as Grandpapa Takma: how
awful! And those were people who had lived for
their ninety years and more. An atom of emotion
still seemed to be wafted between the two of them,
an atom of memory. Who could tell? Perhaps
they still talked . . . about the past. . . . But
THINGS THAT PASS 113
to grow so old as that : ninety-seven I Oh, no, no,
not so old as that: let him die before he decayed,
before he withered ! He felt himself turn cold with
dread at the thought and he trembled, now that he
realized so powerfully the possibility of growing
as old as that: ninety-seven! . . . O God, O
God, no, no! . . . Let him die young, let it be
over, in his case, while he was still young! He was
no pessimist, he loved life : life was beautiful, life
was radiant; there were so many beautiful things in
art, in Italy, in his own intellect: in his own soul
even, at present, that emotion for Elly. But he loved
young and vigorous life and did not want decay and
withering. Oh, for vigour, vigour always, youth
always ! To die young, to die young ! He implored
it of That which he accepted as God, that Light, that
Secret, which perhaps, however, would not listen
from out of Its unfathomable depths of might to a
prayer from him, so small, so selfish, so unmanly,
so cowardly, so vain, so incredibly vain! Oh, did
he not know himself? Did he pretend not to see
himself as he was? Could he help seeing himself
as he was?
He paced his room and did not hear the door
open.
" And the fifty pounds is in the post! "
He started. His mother stood before him, looking
like a little fury: her blue eyes blazed like those of
a little demon and her mouth was wide open like
a naughty child's.
H4 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
"Oh! . ..; . Mamma!
"Lot! . . . What's the matter with you?"
"With me? . . . Nothing. ..."
" Oh, my boy, my boy, what's the matter with
you?"
He was shivering as in a fever. He was quite
pale. He tried to master himself, to be manly,
plucky and brave. A dark terror overwhelmed him.
Everything went black before his eyes.
" My dear, my dear . . . what is it?"
She had thrown her arm round him and now drew
him to the sofa.
" Oh, Mamma ! . . . To grow old ! To grow
old!"
"Hush, darling, be still!"
She stroked his head as it lay on her shoulder.
She knew him like that: it was his disease, his weak-
ness; it returned periodically and he would lie
against her thus, moaning at the thought of growing
old, of growing old. . . . Ah, well, it was his
disease, his weakness; she knew all about it; and
she became very calm, as she would have done if
he had been feverish. She fondled him, stroked his
hair with regular strokes, trying not to disorder it.
She kissed him repeatedly. She felt a glow of con-
tent because she was petting him; her motherly atti-
tude was bound to calm him.
"Hush, darling, be still!"
He did keep still for a moment.
" Do you really think it so terribb ... to
THINGS THAT PASS 115
grow old . . . perhaps . . . later on? " asked
Ottilie, melancholy in spite of herself.
"Yes. ..."
" I didn't think it pleasant either. But you . >; >,
you are so young still ! "
He was already regaining his self-control and
feeling ashamed of himself. He was a child, like
his mother, an ailing, feeble, hysterical child at
times. That was his hysteria, that dread of old
age. And he was looking for consolation to his
mother, who was not a mother ! . . .
No, he regained his self-control, was ashamed of
himself :
" Oh, yes . . . I'm young still ! " he made an
effort to say, indifferently.
" And you're going to be married : your life is
only just beginning . . ."
" Because I'm getting married? "
' Yes, because you're getting married. If only
you are happy, dear, and not . . . not as your
mother . . ."
He gave a little start, but smiled. He regained
his self-control now and at the same time regained
his control over his mother, to whom he had looked
for a moment for consolation and who had always
petted him. And he fondled her in his turn and
gave her a fervent kiss:
" Poor little creatures that we are ! " he said.
4 We sometimes act and think so strangely ! We
are very ill and very old . ., ,. even though we
n6 THINGS THAT PASS
are still young. . . . Mamma, I must have a
serious talk with you some day . . . serious, you
know. Not now, another time : I must get on now
with my work. Leave me to myself now and be
calm . . . and good. Really, I'm all right again.
. . . And don't you go on behaving like a little
fury!"
She laughed inwardly, with mischievous delight:
" I've sent off the fifty pounds for all that! " she
said, from behind the open door.
And she was gone.
He shook his head:
" I am sorry for her! " he thought, analysing his
emotions. "And . . . for myself ! Even more
for myself. We poor, poor creatures! We ought
all to be placed under restraint . . . but whose?
Come, the best thing is to get to work and to keep
working, strenuously, always. . . .."
CHAPTER IX
OLD Takma was just coming from the razor-back
bridge by the barracks, stiff and erect in his tightly-
buttoned overcoat, considering each step and leaning
on his ivory-knobbed stick, when Ottilie Steyn de
Weert, arriving from the other side, saw him and
went up to him:
"How do you do, Mr. Takma?"
" Ah, Ottilie, how do you do ? . . . Are you
going to Mamma's too?"
" Yes "
i- v^ o *
" It was raining this morning and I thought I
shouldn't be able to go. Adele was grumbling be-
cause I went out after all, but it's fine now, it's fine
now. ..."
" I think it'll rain again presently though, and
you haven't even an umbrella, Mr. Takma."
14 Well, you see, child, I hate an umbrella : I never
carry one. . . . Fancy walking with a roof over
your head! "
Ottilie smiled: she knew that the old man could
not lean on his stick when holding up his umbrella.
But she said:
' Well, if it rains, may I see you home ? . . ...
That is, if you won't have a carriage?"
"7
n8 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" No, child, I think a carriage even more horrid
than an umbrella."
She knew that the jolting of a cab caused him
great discomfort.
" The only carriage in which I'm likely to drive
will be the black coach. Very well, child, if it rains,
you shall bring me home . . . and hold your
little roof over my head. Give me your arm: I'll
accept that with pleasure."
She gave him her arm; and, now that he was
leaning on her, his stiff, straight step became irregular
and he let himself go and hobbled along like a very
old, old man. . . .
" How quiet you are, child! "
"I, Mr. Takma?"
11 Yes."
" You notice everything."
" I could hear at once by your voice that you were
not in good spirits."
" Well, perhaps I am worried. . . . Here we
are."
She rang at old Mrs. Dercksz' : old Anna, inside,
came hurrying at a great rate to open the door.
" I'll just take breath, Anna," said the old gentle-
man, " just take breath . . . keep on my coat,
I think . . . and take breath for a moment . . .
in the morning-room."
" It's getting coldish," said old Anna. " We shall
start fires soon in the morning-room. The mistress
never comes downstairs, but there's often some one
THINGS THAT PASS 119
waiting; and Dr. Roelofsz is a very chilly gentle-
man. ..."
" Don't start fires too soon, don't start fires too
soon," said the old man, querulously. " Fires play
the dickens with us old people. . . ."
He sat down, wearily, in the morning-room, with
his two hands on the ivory knob of his stick. Anna
left them to themselves.
"Come, child, what is it? Worry?"
" A little. ... I shall be so lonely. . . .,
The wedding's to-morrow."
' Yes, yes . . . to-morrow is Lot and Elly's
wedding. Well, they'll be very happy."
" I hope so, I'm sure. . . . But I ..."
"Well?"
" I shall be wwhappy."
" Come, come 1 "
"What have I left? Not one of my children
with me. I sometimes think of going to England.
I have John and Hugh there . . . and Mary is
coming home from India."
' Yes, child, as we grow older, we are left all
alone. Look at me. Now that Elly is marrying, I
shall have no one but Adele. It's lucky that I can
still get out . . . and that I sometimes see
Mamma . . . and . . . and all of you . . .
and Dr. Roelofsz. . . . But, if I were helpless,
what would there be for me? . . . You, you're
young still."
"I? Do you call me young? . . .."
120 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
"Yes, child, aren't you young? ..."
" But, Mr. Takma, I'm sixty! "
" Are you sixty ? . . . Are you sixty? . . .,
Child, do you mean to tell me you're sixty?"
The old man cudgelled his brains, fighting against
a sudden cloud in his memory that hazed around
him like a mist. And he continued:
" No, you must be mistaken. You can't be sixty."
" Yes, really, Mr. Takma, really: I'm sixty I "
" Oh, Lietje, my child, are you really ... as
old ... as that ! "
He cudgelled his brains . . . and closed his
eyes:
" Sixty I " he muttered. " More than sixty . . .,
more than sixty years ..."
" No, sixty exactly."
' Yes, yes, sixty! Oh, child, are you really sixty?
I thought you were forty or fifty at most ... I
was dreaming. . . . The old man was dreaming
. . . Sixty! . . . More than sixty years
ago! . . ."
His voice mumbled ; she did not understand what
he meant:
" Were you a little confused? "
" When? " he asked, with a start.
" Just now."
"Just now? ..."
;< When you thought . . . that I was forty."
"What do you say?"
" When you thought that I was forty/'
THINGS THAT PASS 121
" Yes, yes ... I hear what you say. . . .
I can still hear very well. ... I have always
heard very well . . . too well . . . too
well ..."
" He's wandering," thought Ottilie Steyn. M He's
never done that before."
" So you're sixty, child! " said the old man, more
calmly, recovering his voice. " Yes, I suppose you
must be. ... You see, we old people, we very
old people, think that you others always remain
children . . . well, not children, but young . . .
that you always remain young. . . . Ah . . .
and you grow old too ! "
" Oh, yes, very old ! And then there's so little
left."
Her voice sounded ever so sad.
" Poor girl ! " said old Takma. " But you
oughtn't to quarrel so with Pauws ... I mean
,. . . I mean, with Trevelley."
" With Steyn, you mean."
" Yes, I mean, with Steyn ... of course."
" I can't stand him."
" But you could, once ! "
" Ah . . . when one's in love . . .
then ... 1"
4 Yes, yes, you were able to stand him at one
time ! " said the old man, obstinately. " And so the
wedding is to-morrow? "
1 Yes, to-morrow."
" I can't be there : I'm very sorry, but . % .."
122 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" Yes, it would tire you too much. . . . They're
coming to take leave of Grandmamma presently."
" That's nice, that's nice of them."
" It'll be a tame affair," said Ottilie. " They are
so tame. There'll be nothing, no festivity. They
refuse to be married in church."
' Yes, those are their ideas," said the old man,
in a tone of indifference. " I don't understand it,
that ' not being married in church ; ' but they must
know their own business."
" Elly hasn't even a bridal dress ; I think it so
odd. . . . Elly is really very serious for so young
a girl. I shouldn't care to be married like that, when
you're married for the first time. But, on the other
hand, what's the use of all that fuss, as Lot says?
The relations and friends don't really care. And it
runs into money."
" Elly could have had whatever she liked," said
the old gentleman, " a dinner, a dance or anything
. . . But she refused."
" Yes, they're both agreed."
" Those are their ideas," said the old man,
with indifference.
"Mr. Takma >, >* ." said Ottilie, hesitatingly.
"Yes, child?"
" I wanted to ask you something, but I dare
not. ..."
11 What are you afraid of, child? Do you want
something? "
" No, not exactly, but ..."
THINGS THAT PASS
123
" But what, child? . . . Is it money?"
Ottilie heaved a great sob:
" I hate asking you ! . . . I think it's horrid
of me. . . . And you mustn't ever tell Lot that
I ask you sometimes. . . . But, you see, I'll tell
you frankly, I've sent Hugh some money; and now
. . . and now I have nothing left for myself.
. . If you hadn't always been so immensely
kind to me, I should never dare ask you. But you've
always spoilt me, as you know. . . . Yes, you
know : you've always had a soft place in your heart
for me. . . . And, if you don't think it horrid
of me to ask you and if you could ... let me
have ..."
" How much do you want, child? "
Ottilie looked at the door, to see if any one was
listening:
" Only three hundred guilders. . . ."
" Why, of course, child, of course. Come round
to-morrow, to-morrow evening . . . after the
wedding. . . . And, when you want anything, ask
me, do you see? Ask me with an easy conscience.
. . . You can ask me whenever you please. . . ."
' You are so good to me ! . . . "
"I have always been very fond of you . . .
because I'm so very fond of your mother. . . .
So ask me, child . . . ask me whenever you
please, only ... be sensible . . . and don't
do . . ."
" Don't do what, Mr. Takma? "
i2 4 THINGS THAT PASS
The old man suddenly became very uncertain in
his speech:
"Don't do ... don't do anything rash. . . ."
" What do you mean? . . ."
" Sixty years . . . sixty years ago ..."
He began to mumble ; and she saw him fall asleep,
sitting erect, with his hands on the ivory knob of
his stick.
She was frightened and, stealing noiselessly to
the door, she opened it and called :
"Anna . . . Anna. ..."
"Yes, ma'am?"
" Come here. . . . Look. . . . Mr. Takma
has fallen asleep. . . . We'd better stay with
him till he wakes up, hadn't we? "
" Oh, the poor soul ! " said the maid, compassion-
ately.
" He isn't . . . ? " asked Ottilie, in the voice
of a frightened child.
But Anna shook her head reassuringly. The old
man slept on, stiff and straight in his chair, with
his hands resting on his stick.
The two women sat down and watched.
CHAPTER X
THERE was a ring; and Ottilie whispered:
" Do you think that's Mr. Lot and Miss
Elly? ..."
" No," said Anna, looking out of the window,
" it's Mr. Harold."
And she went to the front-door. Ottilie came out
to her brother in the passage.
"How are you, Ottilie?" said Harold Dercksz.
"Is there no one with Mamma?"
" No. I met Mr. Takma just outside the door.
Look, he's fallen asleep. I'm waiting here till he
wakes."
" Then I'll go up to Mamma meanwhile."
" You're looking poorly, Harold."
"Yes. I do not feel well. I'm in pain . . ."
"Where?"
" Everywhere. Heart, liver : everything's wrong.
. . .So to-morrow is the great day, Ottilie?"
' Yes," said Ottilie, mournfully, " to-morrow.
. . . They're so unenterprising. No reception
and no religious marriage."
" Lot asked me to lie one of his witnesses."
' Yes, you and Steyn, with Dr. Roelofsz and
D'Herbourg for Elly. . . . Anton declined. . . ."
' Yes, Anton doesn't care for that sort of thing."
126 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
He went upstairs slowly, knocked, opened the
door. The companion was sitting with the old
woman and reading something out of the paper in
a monotonous voice. She rose from her chair:
" Here's Mr. Harold, mevrouw."
She left the room; and the son bent over his
mother and gave her a very gentle kiss on the fore-
head. As it was dark, the lined porcelain of the
old woman's face was hardly indicated in the crim-
son twilight of the curtains and the tall valance.
She sat on the chair, in the cashmere folds of her
wide dress, straight upright, as on a throne; and
in her lap the frail fingers trembled like slender
wands in the black mittens. A few words were ex-
changed between mother and son, he sitting on a
chair beside her, for no one ever took the chair
by the window, which was kept exclusively for Mr.
Takma: words about health and weather and the
wedding of Elly and Lot next day. Sometimes a
look of pain came over Harold's parchment-coloured
face; and his mouth was drawn as though with
cramp. And, while he talked about Lot and about
health and weather, he saw as he always saw, when
sitting here beside or opposite Mamma the things
that passed and dragged their ghostly veils over the
path rustling with dead leaves : the things that passed
so slowly, years and years to every yard, until it
seemed as though they never would be past and as
though he would always continue to see them, ever
drawing out their pageant along the age-long path.
THINGS THAT PASS 127
While he talked about health and weather and Lot,
he saw as he always saw, when sitting beside or
opposite Mamma the one thing, the one terrible
Thing, the Thing begotten in that night of clatter-
ing rain in the lonely pasangrahan at Tegal; and
he heard the hushed voices: Baboe's whispering
voice; Takma's nervous-angry voice of terror; his
mother's voice of sobbing despair; himself a mere
child of thirteen. He knew; he had seen, he had
heard. He was the only one who had heard, who
had seen. All his life long and he was an old,
sick man now he had seen the Thing slowly pass-
ing like that; and the others had heard nothing, seen
nothing, known nothing. . . . Had they really
not known, not seen, not heard? He often asked
himself the question. Roelofsz must surely have
seen the wound. And Roelofsz had never mentioned
a wound; on the contrary, he had denied it. .
Rumours had gone about, vague rumours, of a
woman in the kampong, of a stab with a kris, of
a trail of blood : how many rumours were there not
going about ! His father was drowned in the river,
one sultry night, when he had gone into the garden
for air and been caught in the pelting rain. . . .
The Thing, the terrible Thing was passing, was a
step farther, looked round at him with staring eyes.
Why did they all live to be so old and why did the
Thing pass so slowly? . . . He knew: he had
known more . . . because of rumours which he
had heard; because of what he had guessed instinct-
.......
128 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
ively in later years, when he was no longer a child :
his father hearing a sound ... a sound of voices
in his wife's room. . . . Takma's voice, the inti-
mate friend of the house. . . . His suspicions:
was he right? Was it Takma? Yes, it was Takma.
. . . Takma in his wife's room. . . . His rage,
his jealousy; his eyes that saw red; his hand seeking
for a weapon. . . . No weapon but the kris, the
handsome ornamental kris, a present which Papa
received only yesterday from the Regent. . . .
He steals to his wife's room. . . . There . . .
there ... he hears their voices. . . . They
are laughing, they are laughing under their breath.
. . . He flings himself against the door; the bam-
boo bolt gives way; he rushes in. ... Two men
face to face because of a woman. . . . Their con-
test, their passion, as in primeval days. . . .
Takma has snatched the kris from Harold's father.
. . . No longer human beings, no longer men, but
male animals fighting over a female. . . . No
other thoughts in their red brains and before their
red gaze but their passion and their jealousy and
their wrath. . . . His father mortally wounded 1
. . . But Harold Dercksz does not see his mother
in all this: he does not see her, he does not know
how she behaves, how she behaved during the strug-
gle between these two animal men. . . . He does
not see how the female behaved : that never rose up
before his intuition, however often he may have
stared after the Thing that passed, however often,
THINGS THAT PASS 129
for years and years, again and again he may have
sat beside his mother, talking about health and
weather. And to-day it is much stronger than his
whole being; and he asks the very old woman:
" Was your companion reading the paper to
you?"
" Yes."
" Does she read nicely? "
' Yes. She sometimes finds it difficult to know
what to choose."
" Politics don't interest you? "
' The war does : it's terrible, all that loss of human
life."
"It's murder . . . on a large scale. . . ."
"Yes, it's murder. ..."
" Does she read you the serial story?"
"No, no; I don't care for serials."
" No more do I."
" We are too old for that."
' Yes, we old people have our own serial
stories. ..."
"Yes. . . . A quiet life's the best. ..."
;< Then you have nothing to reproach yourself
with. ..."
He sees the slender, wand-like fingers tremble.
Has she anything to reproach herself with, more
than her infidelity to the man who was her husband?
He has never seen it for himself; and yet the Thing
has always and always dragged its ghostly veils
rustling over dead leaves. . . ...
130 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
"Hasn't she been reading about that murder?"
"What murder?"
" In England, the woman who ..."
" No, no, she never reads me that sort of
thing. ..."
Her words are almost an entreaty. . . . How
old she is, how old she is! . . . The toothless
mouth trembles and mumbles, the fingers shake vio-
lently. He is full of pity, he, the son, who knows
and who suspects what he does not know, because
he knows the soul of that mother, her soul now
dulled and blunted in waiting for the body's death,
but her soul also once a soul of passion, of temper,
an amorous Creole soul, capable at one moment of
forgetting all the world and life itself for a single
instant of rapture ... or perhaps of hate ! He
knows that she hated his father, after first adoring
him; that she hated him because her own passion
expired before him in a heap of ashes. . . . This
had all been made clear to him, gradually, year after
year, when he was no longer a child but grew into
a man and was a man and understood and looked
back and reflected and pieced together what he had
understood and looked back upon. . . . He sus-
pects, because he knows her soul. But how blunted
that soul is now; and how old she is, how old she is!
A pity softens his own soul, old, old, too, and full
of melancholy for all the things of life gone by
. . . for his mother . . . and for himself, an
old man now. . . . How old she is, how old
THINGS THAT PASS 131
she is! . . - Hush, oh, hush: let her grow just
a little older; and then it will be over and the Thing
will have passed! The last fold of its spectral veil
will have vanished; the last leaf on that endless,
endless path will have rustled; and, though once a
rumour, vaguely, with a dismal moaning, hovered
through those trees, it never grew into a voice and
an accusation and, from among those trees, no one
ever stepped forward with threatening hand that
stayed the Thing, the sombre, ghostly Thing, drag-
ging itself along its long road, for years and
years and years. . . .
CHAPTER XI
THE front-door bell made old Takma wake with a
start. And he knew that he had been to sleep, but
he did not allude to it and quietly acted as though
he had only been sitting and resting, with his hands
leaning on his ivory-knobbed stick. And, when Dr.
Roelofsz entered, he said, with his unvarying little
joke:
" Well, Roelofsz, you don't get any thinner as
the years go by! "
" Well-well," said the doctor, " d'you think so,
Takma?"
He came rolling in, enormous of paunch, which
hung dropsically and askew towards his one stiff
leg, which was shorter than the other; and, in his
old, clean-shaven, monkish face, his bleared little
eyes glittered behind the gold spectacles and were
angry because Takma was always referring to his
paunch and he didn't like it.
" Harold is upstairs," said Ottilie Steyn.
" Come, child," said Takma, rising with an effort,
"we'd better go upstairs now; then we'll drive
Harold away. . . ."
They went up slowly. But there was another ring
at the front-door.
132
THINGS THAT PASS 133
" There's such a bustle some days," said old Anna
to the doctor. " But the mistress isn't neglected in
her old age ! We shall soon have to start fires in
the morning-room, for there's often some one wait-
ing here. . . ."
u Yes-yes-yes," said the doctor, rubbing his short,
fat, fleshy hands with a shiver. " It's coldish, it's
chilly, Anna. You may as well have a fire. ..."
" Mr. Takma says fires are the dickens."
* Yes, but he's always blazing hot inside," said
Dr. Roelofsz, viciously. " Well-well-well, here are
the children. ..."
" Can we go up? " asked Elly, entering with Lot.
* Yes, go upstairs, miss," said Anna. M Mr.
Harold is just coming down; and there's no one
upstairs but Mamma . . . and Mr. Takma."
" Grandmamma's holding a court," said Lot,
jestingly.
But his voice hesitated in joking, for a certain
awe always oppressed him as soon as he entered his
grandmother's house. It was because of that atmo-
sphere of the past into which he sometimes felt too
hyperimaginative to intrude, an atmosphere from
which bygone memories and things constantly came
floating. The old doctor, who had something of a
monk and something of a Silenus in his appearance,
was so very old and, though younger than Grand-
mamma, had known her as a young and seductive
woman. . . . Here was Uncle Harold coming
down the stairs : he was much younger, but a deep
134 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
and mysterious melancholy furrowed his faded face,
which moreover was wrung with physical pain.
'* Till to-morrow, till to-morrow, children," he
said, gently, and went away after shaking hands with
them. ' Till to-morrow, till to-morrow, Roe-
lofsz. ..."
That voice, broken with melancholy, always made
Lot shudder. He now followed Elly up the stairs,
while the doctor remained below, talking to old
Anna:
" Yes-yes-yes, well-well-well ! "
The ejaculations pursued Lot as he mounted the
stairs. Each time that he came to the house he
became more conscious of finding himself on another
plane, more sensitive to that atmosphere of former
days, which seemed to drag with it something that
rustled. A whole past lay hidden behind the
joviality of the voluble doctor. Oh, to grow old,
to grow old! He shivered at the thought on
that first autumnal day. . . . They now entered
the room : there they sat, Grandmamma, Grandpapa
Takma and, in between them, so strangely, like a
child, Lot's mother. And Lot, walking behind Elly,
modulated his tread, his gestures, his voice; and Elly
also was very careful, he thought, as though she
feared to break that crystal, antique atmosphere
with too great a display of youth.
" So you're to be married to-morrow? That's
right, that's right," said the old woman, con-
tentedly.
THINGS THAT PASS 135
She raised her two hands with an angular gesture
and, with careful and trembling lips, kissed first Elly
and then Lot on the forehead. They were now all
sitting in a circle; and a few words passed at inter-
vals; and Lot felt as if he himself were a child,
Elly quite a baby, his mother a young woman. She
resembled Grandmamma, certainly; but what in
Grandmamma had been an imposing Creole beauty
had been fined down in Mamma, had become the
essence of fineness, was so still. Yes, she was like
Grandmamma, but it struck him again, as it had
before she had something, not a resemblance, but
a similar gesture, with something about the eyes and
something about the laugh, to Grandpapa Takma.
. . . Could it be true after all, what people had
whispered : that the youngest child, Ottilie, had been
born too long after Dercksz' death for his paternity
to be accepted, for the paternity to be attributed to
any one but Takma ? Were they really sitting there
as father, mother and child? He, was he Takma's
grandson? Was he a cousin of Elly's? . . . He
didn't know it for certain, nothing was certain:
there were he had heard them vejy long ago
those vague rumours; and there was that likeness!
But, if it was so, then they both knew it; then, if
they were not quite dulled, they were thinking of it
at this moment. They were not in their dotage,
either of them, those old, old people. It seemed to
Lot that some emotion had always continued to
sharpen their wits; for it was wonderful how well
136 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
Grandmamma, despite her age, understood all
about everything, about his marriage now, about the
family :
" Uncle Daan and Aunt Floor are on their way
from India," said Grandmamma. " I can't imagine
what they are coming for . . . with the winter
so near. Aunt Floor won't like it, I know. . . .
I only wish that / had remained in India, instead
of coming here. . . . Yes, I've been sitting here
for years now, until . . . until . . ."
She stammered and looked out of the window,
waiting, waiting. At the other window sat Takma
and waited, waited, nodding his head. Oh, it was
awful, thought Lot, looking at his mother. She did
not understand his look, had forgotten his moment
of prostration and weakness, his dread of old age,
because she always forgot when he did not com-
plain; and she merely thought that he wanted to
get up. She smiled, sadly, as was her custom in
these days, nodded and was the first to rise:
" Well, we'd better be going now, Mamma. . . .,
Mr. Takma, am I not to see you home ? "
" No, child, it's not raining; and I can manage
by myself, I can manage. ..."
Ottilie's voice sounded very sad and childish and
old Takma's paternal, but fluttering and airy. Lot
and Elly rose; and there were more careful kisses;
and Mr. Takma kissed Ottilie also. When they
were gone, the old doctor came rolling in.
" Well, Roelofsz," said Grandmamma.
THINGS THAT PASS 137
" Well-well-well, yes-yes," mumbled the doctor,
dropping into a chair.
They sat like that, without words, the three old
people. The light was waning outside; and a bleak
autumnal wind drove the first yellow leaves through
the gardens of the Sofialaan.
' You're out too late, Takma," said the doctor.
" No, no," said the old man.
" It gets chilly early, at this season."
" No, no, I'm not chilly."
' Yes, you're always blazing hot inside."
' Yes, just as you're always getting fatter."
The doctor gave an explosive laugh, not viciously
this time, because he had got his joke in first; and
Takma also laughed, with a shrill, cracked note.
The old woman did not speak, leant over slightly,
looked out of the window. The dusk of evening
was already gathering over the Nassaulaan.
" Look," said the old woman, pointing with her
trembling, slender, wand-like finger.
"What?" asked the two men, looking out.
"I thought ..."
"What?"
" I thought that there was something . . .
moving . . . over there, under the trees. . . ."
' What was moving? "
" I don't know : something . . . some-
body. ..."
" She's wandering," thought the doctor to him-
self.
i 3 8 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" No, Ottilie," said Takma, " there's nothing
moving."
" Oh, is there nothing moving? "
" No."
" I thought that something was passing . > .
just hazily. . . ."
" Yes . . . well . . . that's the damp
rising," said the doctor.
"Yes," said Takma, "that's mist. ..."
" You're out of doors much too late, Takma,"
said the doctor.
" I've got my great-coat, a warm one. . . . "
"Well-well. ..."
" The leaves are rustling," said the old
woman. " And the wind's howling. It'll soon be
winter."
" Well . . . yes-yes, winter's coming. One
more of 'em. . . ."
* Yes," said the old woman. '* The last . . .
the last winter. ..."
" No-no-no-no ! " boasted the old doctor. " The
last! I promise you, you'll see a hundred yet,
Ottilie! ..."
Old Takma nodded his head :
" It's more than sixty years ..."
"Wha-at?" exclaimed the doctor, in a startled
voice.
"Ago . . ."
"What are you saying?" cried the old woman,
shrilly.
THINGS THAT PASS 139
"I'm saying," said Takma, "that Ottilie, that
Lietje ... is turned sixty ..."
"Oh, yes!"
" And so it's more than sixty . . . more than
sixty years ago since . . ."
" Si-ince what? " exclaimed the doctor.
" Since Dercksz . . . was drowned," said
Takma.
And he nodded his head.
" Oh! " moaned the old woman, lifting her hands
to her face with an angular and painful movement.
" Don't speak about that. What made you say
that?"
" No," said Takma, " I said nothing. ..."
"No-no-no-no!" mumbled the doctor. "Don't
talk about it, don't talk about it. ... We never
talk about it. ... Yes . . . aha . . .
Takma, what made you talk about it? . . . There-
there-there-there . . . it's nothing, but it makes
Ottilie sad. ..."
" No," said the old woman, calmly. " I'm never
sad now. . . . I'm much too old for that. . . .
I only sit and wait. . . . Look, isn't that some-
thing passing? ..."
"Where?"
" In the street, opposite ... or down there,
in the road . . . something white. . . ."
"Where? Aha, oh, there? . . . No, Ottilie,
that's mist."
' The leaves . . . the leaves are rustling."
1 40 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" Yes-yes-yes, autumn . . . winter's com-
ing. ..."
" The last," said the old woman.
The doctor mumbled a vague denial. Takma
nodded his head. They sat very still, for a time.
Yes, it was more than sixty years ago. . . . They
all three saw it: the old man and the old woman
saw it happening; and the doctor saw it as it had
happened. He had understood and guessed, at once,
and he had known, all those years long. Very many
years ago he had been in love with Ottilie, he much
younger than she, and there was a moment when he
had called upon her to pay him the price of his
knowledge. . . . He had buried all that in him-
self, but he saw it as it had happened. ... It
was more than sixty years ago.
" Come," said Takma, " it's time I went. . . .
Else . . . else it'll be too late. ..."
He rose with an effort and remembered that he
had not torn up one letter to-day. That was not
right, but the tearing tired his fingers. The
doctor also arose and rang the bell twice, for the
companion.
" We're going, juffrouw."
It was almost dark in the room.
" Good-bye, Ottilie," said Takma, pressing the
mittened hand, which was raised an inch or two.
The doctor also pressed her hand:
" Good-bye, Ottilie. . . . Yes-yes-yes : till to-
morrow or next day."
THINGS THAT PASS 141
Mr. Takma found Ottilie Steyn de Weert waiting
downstairs :
"You here still, child?"
" Yes, Mr. Takma. I'll just see you home.
You've really stayed out too late to-day; Elly
thought so too; and Adele will be uneasy. . . ."
'Very well, child, do; see the old man home."
He took her arm; and his now irregular step
tottered as Anna let them out.
" Juffrouw," said the old woman, upstairs, when
the companion was about to light the lamp, u wait
a moment and just look out of the window. Tell
me: there, on the other side of the road, through
those leaves falling . . . isn't there something
. . . something white . . . passing?"
The companion looked through the window:
" No, mevrouw, there's nothing. But there's a
mist rising. Mr. Takma has stayed much too long
again."
She closed the shutters and lit the lamp. The old
woman sat and took her soup; then the companion
and old Anna put her to bed.
CHAPTER XII
OLD Mr. Pauws came to meet them at the station,
in the evening, at Brussels:
" My dear boy, my dear boy, how are you? And
so this is your little wife! My dear child, I wish
you joy with all my heart 1 "
His arms, thrown wide, embraced first Lot and
then Elly.
" And I've taken a room for you at the Metro-
pole, but I reckoned on it that you'd first come and
have supper at my place. Then I shall have been
at your wedding too. I don't expect you're tired,
are you? No, it's nothing of a journey. Better send
your trunks straight to the hotel. I've got a car-
riage: shall we go home at once? Do you think
there's room for the three of us? Yes, yes, we'll
fit in nicely."
It was the second time that Elly had seen the
old gentleman, a pink-and-white, well-preserved man
of seventy: she had been with Lot to look him up
during their engagement. There was something de-
cided and authoritative about him, together with a
cheerful gaiety, especially now, because he was seeing
Lot again. He would receive them at his own place,
at his rooms, for he lived in bachelor quarters. He
opened the door with his latch-key; he had paid the
THINGS THAT PASS 143
cabman quickly, before Lot could; and he now
hustled the young couple up the stairs. He himself
lit a gas-jet in the passage :
" I have no one to wait on me in the evening, as
you see. A femme-de-menage comes in the morning.
I take my meals at a restaurant. I thought of treat-
ing the two of you to supper at a restaurant; but I
think this is pleasanter. . . . There ! "
And he now lit the gas in the sitting-room, with a
quick movement, like a young man's. Elly smiled
at him. The table was laid and there were flowers
on it and a few pints of Heidsieck in a wine-cooler.
;t Welcome, my dear child! " said the old man,
kissing Elly.
He helped her take off her hat and cloak and
carried them into his bedroom:
' You'd better bring your coat in here too, Lot."
' Your father is wonderful ! " said Elly.
The little sitting-room was cosy and comfortable;
it was his own furniture. There were books about;
photographs on the walls and prints of horses and
dogs; arms on a rack; and, underneath it im-
pressed Elly, just as it had impressed her the first
time a portrait of Ottilie at twenty, in an old-
fashioned bonnet which made her look exquisitely
pretty, like a little heroine in a novel. Strange,
thought Elly to herself, Steyn also had pictures of
dogs and horses in his room ; Steyn also was a hunt-
ing man, a man of out-door pursuits; Steyn also was
good-looking. She smiled at her reflection that it
144 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
was always the same sort of manliness that had
attracted Ottilie; she smiled just as Lot sometimes
smiled at his mother.
" You two are very like each other," said Pauws,
as they sat down to table. " Look, children, here's
what I've got for you. Everything's ready, you see.
Hors d'ceuvres. Do you like caviare, with these
toasted rolls? "
" I'm mad on caviare," said Lot.
" I remembered that ! After the hors d'oeuvres,
a mayonnaise of fish : perhaps that's rather too much
fish, but I had to think out a cold menu, for I've no
cook and no kitchen. Then there's cold chicken and
compote : a Dutch dish for you ; they never eat the
two together here or in France. Next, there's a
pdte-de-foie-gras. And tartlets for you, Elly."
" I'm fond of tartlets too," said Lot, attentively
examining the dish.
" All the better. A decent claret, Chateau-Yquem
and Heidsieck. I got you some good fruit. Coffee,
liqueurs, a cigar, a cigarette for you, Elly, and that's
all. It's the best I could do."
"But, Papa, it's delightful!"
The old gentleman was uncorking the champagne,
quickly and handily, with a twist of the wires:
11 Here goes, children ! "
The wine frothed up high.
' Wait, Elly, wait, let me fill up your glass. . . .
There, here's to you, children, and may you be
happy! "
THINGS THAT PASS 145
" You take after Lot," said Elly.
"I? In that case, Lot takes after me."
" Yes, I meant that of course."
"Ah, but it's quite a different thing!"
" Yes, but Lot . . . Lot is also like his
mother."
" Yes, I'm like Mamma," said Lot.
He was short, slender, almost frail of build and
fair; the old gentleman was solid in flesh and figure,
with a fresh complexion and very thick grey hair,
which still showed a few streaks of black.
' Yes, but I think Lot also has that flippancy of
yours, though he is like his mother."
"Oh, so I'm flippant, am I?" said old Pauws,
laughing.
His hands, moving in sweeping gestures, were
busy across the table, with the hors d'oeuvres, which
he was now handing.
" Would you ever believe that Papa was
seventy?" said Lot. "Papa, I'm amazed every
time I see you! What keeps you so young?"
"I don't know, my boy; I'm built that way."
" Were you never afraid of getting old?"
" No, my dear fellow, I've never been afraid
. . . of getting old or of anything else."
' Then whom do I get it from? Mamma hasn't
that fear, not as I have it, although . . ."
'You're an artist; they have those queer ideas.
I'm just ordinary."
' Yes, I wish I were like you, tall and broad-
146 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
shouldered. I'm always jealous when I look at
you."
" Come, Lot, you're very well as you are ! " said
Elly, defending him against himself.
" If you were like me, you wouldn't have attracted
your wife, what do you say, Elly?"
" Well, there's no telling, Papa ! "
"How are things at home, my boy?"
" Same as usual, just the same."
"Is Mamma well?"
" Physically, yes. Morally, she's depressed . ... ,
because I'm married."
"How do she and Steyn get on?"
" They quarrel."
" Ah, that mother of yours ! " said Pauws. " Elly,
will you help the mayonnaise? No, Lot, give me
the Yquem: I'll open it. ... That mother of
yours has always quarrelled. Pity she had that in
her. Temper, violent words ... all about
nothing: it was always like that in my time. And
she was so nice otherwise . . . and so sweetly
pretty! "
" Yes," said Lot, " and I'm like Mamma, an ugly
edition."
" He doesn't mean a word of it," said Elly.
" No," said the old gentleman, " not a word of
it, the conceited fellow! "
" All the same, I'd rather be like you, Papa."
" Lot, you're talking nonsense. . . . Some more
mayonnaise, Elly? Sure? Then we'll see what the
THINGS THAT PASS 147
cold chicken's made of. No, give it here, Lot, I'll
carve. . . . And your wedding was very quiet?
No religious ceremony?"
" No."
" No reception? "
" No, Elly has so few friends and I have so few,
in Holland. We lead such a life of our own, at
the Hague. I know more people in Italy than I do
at the Hague. The whole family rather lives a life
of its own. Except the D'Herbourgs there's really
nobody."
" That's true."
' Those very old, old people are out of the
question, of course."
' Yes, Grandpapa, Grandmamma. . ., ,. And
the old doctor. ..."
" Uncle Anton lives his own life."
"H'm, h'm . . . yes. . . ."
" Uncle Harold is old also."
" Two years older than I."
" But he's poorly."
' Yes . . . and queer. Always has been. Quiet
and melancholy. Still, a very good sort."
" We at home, with Steyn and Mamma : what's
the use of our entertaining people? "
' You forget Aunt Stefanie : she's an aunt with
money to leave, just as Uncle Anton is an uncle with
money to leave; but your aunt has plenty."
" Oh, Lot is quite indifferent to what money he
inherits ! " said Elly.
148 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" Besides, you two won't be badly off," said old
Pauws. " You're right: what's the use of wedding-
festivities? As for acquaintances . . . "
" We none of us have many."
" It's a funny thing. As a rule, there's such a lot
of movement around Indian families. ' Swirl ' we
used to call it."
" Oh, I don't know : there's no * swirl ' of ac-
quaintances round us ! "
" No, we've had * swirl ' enough among our-
selves : Mamma saw to that at least ! "
" It made Mamma lose her friends too."
" Of course it did. Mamma's life has really been
hardly decent . . . with her three husbands!"
" Well, of course. ... I don't allow it to
upset me. . . . But the family isn't thought
much of."
" No. Grandmamma was the first to begin it.
She also did just what she pleased. . . ."
" I've heard a lot of vague rumours. ..."
;< Well, I've heard a lot of rumours too, but they
weren't vague. Grandmamma was a grande
coquette in her day and inspired more than her
share of the great passions in Java."
"They say that Mamma ..."
" I don't know, but it's quite possible. At least,
you two are so like each other that you might be
brother and sister."
' Well, at the worst, we're cousins," said Elly.
" Yes, Grandmamma began it. . . . There was
THINGS THAT PASS 149
a lot of talk. . . . Oh, those people are so old
now! Their contemporaries are dead. And things
pass. Who is there now to think and talk about
things that are so long past?"
" Grandmamma's lovers? "
" Innumerable ! "
"The doctor?"
" So they say. And Elly's grandpapa."
"Those old people! " said Elly.
" They were young once."
" And we shall be old one day," said Lot. " We're
growing old as it is."
"Shut up, boy! There's time enough for that
when you're seventy. . . . Yes, Grandmamma
de Laders, Grandmamma Dercksz : I can remember
her in India fifty years ago."
" O my God, what a time to remember things ! "
said Lot, shuddering.
" Take some more champagne, if it makes your
flesh creep. . . . Fifty years ago, I was little
more than a boy, I was twenty. Grandmamma was
still a fine woman, well over forty. She became a
widow quite young, on the death of her first husband.
Well, let's see: when Dercksz was drowned, she
was . . . about . . . thirty-six. . . . Then
Mamma was born."
"What a long, long time ago that was!" said
Lot. " It makes one giddy to look back upon."
' That's sixty, yes, sixty years ago now," said
Pauws, dreamily. " I was a child then, ten years
i 5 o OLD PEOPLE AND THE
old. I still remember the incident. I was at
Semarang; my father was in the paymaster's de-
partment. My people knew the Derckszes. The
thing was talked about. I was a child, but it made
an impression on me. It was very much talked
about, it was talked about for years and years after.
There was a question of exhuming the body. They
decided that it was too late. At that time, he had
been buried for months. They said that . . ."
' That a native . . . with a kris . . . be-
cause of a woman . . . ? "
" Yes; and they said more than that. They said
that Takma had been to the pasangrahan that
evening and that Grandmamma. . . . But what's
the use of talking about it? What can it matter
to you? Elly's as white as a sheet child, how pale
you look! and Lot is shivering all over his body,
though it happened so long ago."
" Should you say that those old people . . .
are hiding something?"
" Probably," said Pauws. " Come, let's have
some champagne and not talk about it any more.
They themselves have forgotten it all by this time.
When you get as old as that . . ."
" You become dulled," said Lot.
"So you're going on to Paris to-morrow?"
" Yes."
" Shall you look up Aunt Therese? "
" Yes, I expect so," said Elly. " We mustn't be-
have quite like savages."
THINGS THAT PASS 151
"And then?"
" We shall go to Nice."
"Oh, really? . . . And .. ... . and will you
see Ottilie there?"
" Of course we shall," said Lot.
' That's right, that's right. . . . Yes, how can
you expect a family like ours to keep up a circle of
decent acquaintances? . . . Ottilie writes to me
now and again. . . . She's living with an Italian.
. . . Why they don't get married is more than I
can make out."
" And why should they get married? " asked Lot.
" But, Lot," said Elly, " you and I did! "
' We are more conventional than Ottilie. I am
more conventional than Ottilie ever was. I should
never have dared to suggest to you not to get mar-
ried. Ottilie is more thorough than I."
" She's a thorough fine girl . . . and a devilish
handsome woman," said Pauws.
" Now she's like you."
" But a good-looking edition ! " said the old
gentleman, chaffingly. " Here, Elly, have some more
pate. But why they don't want to get married I
can't and never shall make out. After all, we have
all of us got married."
" But how? " said Lot.
" I must say you're not defending marriage very
vigorously on your wedding-day! "
" Ottilie has seen so many unhappy marriages all
around her."
152 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" That's what she writes. But I don't consider
that a reason. Hang it all, when a man falls in
love, he goes and gets married! He gets married
by the mayor and by the parson. . . . Yes, to tell
you the truth, I think it was rather feeble of you
two not to get married in church."
" But, Papa, you surely don't attach importance
to having your marriage blessed by a parson! "
" No more I do, but still one does it. It's one
of the things one does. We're not quite a law unto
ourselves."
" No, but all social laws are being changed."
" Well, you can say what you please : I stick to
it that you have to get married. By the mayor and
by the parson. You two have been married by the
mayor; but Ottilie refuses to be married at all. And
I'm expected to think it natural and enlightened and
I don't know what. I can't do it. I'm sorry for
her sake. It's all very well : she's a great artist and
can behave differently from an ordinary woman; but,
if one fine day she returns to our ordinary circles,
she'll find that she's made herself impossible. . . .
How would you have friends and acquaintances
gather round such a family?"
"They don't gather; and I'm glad of it. I have
the most charming acquaintances in Italy, friends
who ..."
" Children, you may be right. Ottilie may be
right not to get married at all; and you may be
right to have been married only by the mayor."
THINGS THAT PASS 153
" At any rate," said Elly, " I never thought that,
though there was no reception, we should have such
a cosy little supper."
" And such a nice one," said Lot. " Elly, these
tarts are heavenly ! "
" Only we oughtn't to have sat rooting up past
things," said the old gentleman. " It makes Lot's
flesh creep. Look at the fellow eating tarts! It's
just what your mother used to do. A baby, a regu-
lar baby!"
' Yes, I'm a baby sometimes too, but not so much
as Mamma."
"And is she going to England now?"
" She promised me not to. But her promise
doesn't mean much. We shall be so long away; we
shall be in Italy all through the winter. There's one
thing makes me feel easier: Mamma has no money;
and I went to the bank before I left and asked them,
if Mamma came for money, to make up a story and
persuade her that it couldn't be done, that there
was no money. ..."
" But she draws . . . she always did."
4 The manager told me that he would help me,
that he wouldn't let her have any money."
' Then she'll get it just the same."
" From whom? "
" I don't know, but she'll get it. She always gets
it, I don't know how. ..."
" But, Papa ! "
' Yes, my boy, you can be as indignant as you
i 5 4 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
please : I am speaking from experience. How often
haven't I had questions about money with Mamma !
First there was none; and then, all of a sudden,
there it was! . . . "
" Mamma is bad at figures and she is untidy.
Then she finds some money in her cupboard."
"Yes, I know all about it: in the old days she
was always finding something in her cupboard. A
good thing, that she goes on finding it. Still, we
should never have parted because of money. If it
hadn't been for that damned Trevelley, we might
still . . . But, when Mamma had once set her
heart on anybody, then . . . Don't let's talk
about it. ... Look here, you know this old photo-
graph. It's charming, isn't it, Elly? Yes, that's how
she used to look. I've never been able to forget her.
I've never loved any one else. I'm an old fellow
now, children, but . . . but I believe that I'm
still fond of her. ... I sometimes think that it's
past, that it's all past and done with; and yet, some-
times, old as I am, I still suffer from it and feel
rotten. ... I believe I'm still fond of her. . . .
And, if Mamma had had a different character and
a different temper and if she hadn't met Trevelley
... . . But there are so very many * ifs ' in the case.
'. . . And, if she hadn't met Trevelley, she would
have met Steyn just the same. . . . She would
always have met somebody. . . . Come, Elly,
pour out the coffee. Will you have chartreuse or
benedictine ? And stay on and talk a bit, cosily. Not
THINGS THAT PASS 155
about old things : about young things, young things ;
about yourselves, your plans, Italy. . . . It's not
late yet; it's barely half-past ten. . . . But, of
course, you're only this moment married. . . .
Well, I'll see you to your hotel. . . . Shall we
walk? It's no distance. . . . Let your old father
see you to your hotel and give you a good-night kiss
at the door and wish you happiness, every happi-
ness dear children 1 "
CHAPTER XIII
THEY had now been a few days in Paris; and Elly,
who was seeing Paris for the first time, was en-
chanted. The Louvre, the Cluny, the life in the
streets and the cafes, the theatres in the evenings al-
most drove Aunt Therese from her mind.
" Oh, don't let's go to her ! " said Lot, one
morning, as they were walking along the boulevards.
" Perhaps she doesn't even know who we are."
Elly felt a twinge of conscience:
" She wrote me a very nice letter on my engage-
ment and she gave us a wedding-present. Yes, Lot,
she knows quite well who we are."
" But she doesn't know that we're in Paris. Don't
let's go to her. Aunt Therese : I haven't seen her
for years, but I remember her long ago ... at
the time of Mamma's last marriage. I was a boy
of eighteen then. Aunt Therese must have been
forty-eight. A handsome woman. She was even
more like Grandmamma than Mamma is: she had
all that greatness and grandness and majesty which
you see in the earlier portraits of Grandmamma and
which she still has when she sits enthroned in her
chair. ... It always impresses me. . . . Very
slender and handsome and elegant ... . calm and
156
THINGS THAT PASS 157
restful, distinguished-looking, with a delightful
smile."
' The smile of La Gioconda. ..."
; ' The smile of La Gioconda" Lot repeated,
laughing because of his wife, who was enjoying her-
self so in Paris. " But by the way, Elly . . . the
Venus of Milo : I couldn't tell you so when we were
standing there, because you were in such silent
rapture, but . . . after I hadn't seen her for
years, I found her such a disappointment. Only
imagine . . ."
"Well, what, Lot?"
" I thought her grown old ! "
"But, Lot! ..."
" I assure you, I thought her grown old! Does
everything grow old then, do even the immortals
grow old? I remember her as she used to be : calm,
serene, imposing, white as snow, in spite of her
mutilation, against a brilliant background of dark-
red velvet. This time I thought her no longer
imposing, no longer white as snow; she seemed pa-
thetically crippled; and the velvet background was
no longer brilliant. Everything had grown old and
dull and I had a shock and felt very sad. . . .
Soberly speaking, I think now that they ought
just to clean her down one morning and renew
the velvet hanging; and then, on a sunny day, if I
was in a good mood, I daresay I should think her
serene and white as snow again. But, as she showed
herself to me, I thought her grown old; and it gave
158 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
me a shock. It upset me for quite an hour, but I
didn't let you see it. ... For that matter, I
think Paris altogether has grown very old: so
dirty, so old-fashioned, so provincial; a conglom-
eration of quartiers and small towns huddled to-
gether; and so exactly the same as it was fifteen
years ago, but older, grimier and more old-fashioned.
Look! This papier-mache chicken here" they
were in the Avenue de 1'Opera " has been turning
on that spit, as an advertisement, with the oily butter
dripping from it : Elly, that chicken has been turning
for fifteen years ! And last night, at the Theatre
Frangais, I had a shock, just as I did to-day at the
Venus of Milo. The Theatre Franc,ais had grown
so old, so old, with that dreadful ranting, that I
asked myself, ' Was it always so old, or do I think
it old because I am older myself? ' . . ."
" But Aunt Therese ..."
" So you insist on going to her. . . . Really,
we'd better not. She too has grown old; and what
are we to her? . . . We are young still. . . .
I also am young still, am I not? . . . You don't
think me too old, your blase husband? ... In
Italy, we shall find real enjoyment. . . . "
" Why, everything will be still older there ! "
' Yes, but everything is not growing older. That's
all past, it's all the past. It's the obvious past and
therefore it's so restful. It's all dead."
" But surely the country is alive ? . , . Modern
life goes on? . . ."
THINGS THAT PASS 159
" I don't care about that. All that I see is the
past; and that is so beautifully, so restfully dead.
That doesn't sadden me. What saddens me is the
old people and the old things that are still alive and
ever so old and have gradually, gradually gone past
us; but things which are restfully dead and which
are so exquisitely beautiful as in Italy, they don't
sadden me : they calm me and rouse my admiration
for everything that was once so beautifully alive and
is still so beautiful in death. Paris saddens me,
because the city is dying, as all France is; Rome
exhilarates me: the city, what / see of it, is dead;
and I feel myself young in it still and still alive;
and that makes me glad, selfishly glad, while at the
same time I admire the dead, calm beauty."
" So that will be the subject of your next essay."
" Now you're teasing! If I can't talk without
being accused of essay-writing . . . I'll hold
my tongue."
" Don't be so cross. . . . Now what about
AuntTherese?"
"We won't go. ... Well, talk of the devil!
Goodness gracious, how small Paris is ! A village ! "
"Why, what is it, Lot?"
" There's Theo ! Theo van der Staff ! "
' Theo, Aunt Therese's son? "
'Yes. Hullo, Theo! How are you? . . .
How funny that we should meet you! . . ."
" I didn't know you were in Paris. . . . Are
you on your honeymoon? "
160 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
He was a fat little man of over forty, with a
round face containing a pair of small, sparkling eyes :
they leered at Elly with an almost irresistible curi-
osity to see the young wife, married but a few days
since. A sensuality ever seeking physical enjoyment
surrounded him as with a warm atmosphere, jovial
and engaging, as though he would invite them
presently to come and have a nice lunch with him
in a good restaurant and to go on somewhere
afterwards. His long residence abroad had
imparted a something to his clothes, a something
to his speech and gestures that lightened his native
Dutch heaviness, rather comically, it is true, be-
cause he remained a little elephantine in his grace.
Yet his ears pricked up like a satyr's; and his eyes
sparkled; and his laughing lips swelled thickly, as
though with Indian blood; and his small, well-kept
teeth glistened in between. When a woman passed,
his quick glance undressed her in a twinkling; and
he seemed to reflect, for a second or two.
" We were just speaking of your mother, Theo.
Funny that we should meet you," Lot repeated.
" I walk down the boulevards every morning, so
it's very natural that we should meet. I'm glad to
have the opportunity of congratulating you. . . .
Mamma? She's all right, I believe."
"Haven't you seen her lately?"
" I haven't seen her for a week. Are you going
to call on her? Then I may as well come too.
Shall we have a good lunch somewhere afterwards,
THINGS THAT PASS 161
or shall I be in the way? If not, come and lunch
with me. Not in one of your big restaurants, which
everybody knows, but at a place where /'// take
you: quite a small place, but exquisite. They have
a homard a I'americaine that's simply heavenly!"
And he kissed the tips of his fat fingers. " Do you
want to go to Mamma's at once? Very well,
we'll take a carriage, for she lives a long way
off."
He stopped a cab and gave the address:
" Cent-vingt-cing, Rue Madame."
And he gallantly helped Elly in, then Lot, insisted
upon himself taking the little back seat and sat like
that, with one foot on the step of the carriage. He
enquired conventionally and indifferently after the
relations at the Hague, as after strangers whom he
had seen once or twice. In the Rue Madame the
driver pulled up outside a gate of tall railings, with
a fence of boards behind it, so that no one could
see in.
; ' This is the convent where Mamma lives," said
Theo.
They stepped out and Theo rang. A sister opened
the gate, said that Mme. van der Staff was at home
and led the way across the courtyard. The con-
vent belonged to the Sisters of the Immaculate Con-
ception of Our Lady of Lourdes; and Aunt Therese
boarded there, together with a few other pious old
ladies. The sister showed them into a small parlour
on the ground-floor and opened the shutters. On
1 62 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
the mantelpiece stood a statue of the Blessed Virgin
between two candelabra; there were a sofa and a
few chairs in white loose covers.
"Is Reverend Mother at home, sister?" asked
Theo.
" Yes, monsieur."
" Would it be convenient for her to see me ? Will
you tell her that I have come to call on her? "
" Yes, monsieur."
The sister left the room. Theo gave a wink:
" I ought to have done that long ago," he said.
" I am seizing the opportunity. The reverend
mother is a sensible woman, twice as sensible as
Mamma."
They waited. It was cold and shivery in the bare
parlour. Lot shuddered and said:
" I couldn't do it. No, I couldn't do it."
" No more could I," said Theo.
The reverend mother was the first to enter: a
short woman, lost in the spacious folds of her habit.
Two brown eyes gleamed from under the white
band over her forehead.
"M. van der Staff ..."
"Madame ..."
He pressed her hand:
" I have long been wanting to come and see you,
to tell you how grateful I am for the care which
you bestow upon my mother."
His French sentences sounded polite, gallant and
courteous.
THINGS THAT PASS 163
" May I introduce my cousins, M. and Mme.
Pauws?"
" Newly married, I believe," said the reverend
mother, bowing, with a little smile.
Lot was surprised that she should know:
" We have come to pay my aunt a visit . . . ;
and you too, madame la superieure," he added,
courteously.
" Pray sit down. Madame will be here at once."
"Is Mamma quite well?" asked Theo. "I
haven't seen her . . . for some time."
" She's very well," said the reverend mother.
" Because we look after her."
" I know you do."
" She won't look after herself. As you know,
she goes to extremes. Le bon Dieu doesn't expect
us to go to such extremes as madame does. I don't
pray a quarter as much as madame. Madame is
always praying. I shouldn't have time for it. Le bon
Dieu doesn't expect it. We have our work; I have
my nursing-institute, which keeps us very busy. At
this moment, nearly all the sisters are out nursing.
Then I have my servants' registry-office. We can't
always be praying."
" Mamma can," said Theo, with a laugh.
" Madame prays too much" said the reverend
mother. "Madame is an enthousiaste . . ."
" Always was, in everything she did," said Theo,
staring in front of him.
" And she has remained so. She is an enthousiaste
164 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
in her new creed, in our religion. But she oughn't
to go to extremes . . . or to fast unnecessarily.
. . . The other day we found her fainting in the
chapel. . . . And we have our little trues: when
it is not absolutely necessary to fast, we give her
bouillon in her soupe-maigre or over her vege-
tables, without her noticing it. ... Here is
madame. . . ."
The door was opened by a sister; and Mrs. van
der Staff, Aunt Therese, entered the room. And it
seemed to Lot as though he saw Grandmamma her-
self walk in, younger, but still an old woman.
Dressed in a smooth black gown, she was tall and
majestic and very slender, with a striking grace in
her movements. Grandmamma must have been just
like that. A dream hovered over her dark eyes,
which had remained the eyes of a Creole, and it
seemed as if she had a difficulty in seeing through
the dream; but the mouth, old as it now was, had a
natural smile, with ecstasy playing around it. She
accepted Theo's kiss and said to Lot and Elly, in
French :
" It's very nice of you to look me up. I'm very
grateful to you. ... So this is Elly? I saw
you years ago, in Holland, at Grandpapa Takma's.
You were a little girl of fourteen then. It's very
nice of you to come. Sit down. I never go to
Holland now . . . but I often think, I very often
think ... of my relations. . . ."
The dream hovered over her eyes; ecstasy played
THINGS THAT PASS 165
around her smile. She folded her thin hands in
her lap; and their fingers were slender and wand-
like, like Grandmamma's. Her voice sounded like
Grandmamma's. As she sat there, in her black
gown, in the pale light of that convent-parlour, per-
meated with a chilliness that was likewise pale, the
resemblance was terrifying: this daughter appeared
to be one and the same as her mother, seemed to be
that mother herself; and it was as though bygone
years had returned in a wonderful, haunting, pale,
white light.
"And how are they all at the Hague?" asked
Aunt Therese.
A few words were exchanged about the members
of the family. Soon the reverend mother rose
discreetly, said good-bye, expressed her thanks for
the visit.
"How is Uncle Harold? . . . And how is
Mamma, Charles? I very often think of her. I
often pray for Mamma, Charles. . . ."
Her voice, long cracked, sounded softer than
pure Dutch and was mellow with its Creole accent;
both Lot and Elly were touched by a certain tender-
ness in that cracked voice, while Theo stared pain-
fully in front of him: he felt depressed and con-
strained in his mother's presence.
" It is nice of you not to forget us," Lot ven-
tured to say.
" I shall never forget your mother," said Aunt
Therese. " I never see her now and perhaps I
1 66 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
shall never see her again. But I am very, very
fond of her . . . and I pray, I often pray for
her. She needs it. We all need it. I pray for all
of them . . . for all the family. They all
need it. And I also pray for Mamma, for Grand-
mamma. And, Elly, I pray for Grandpapa too.
. . . I have been praying now for years, I have
been praying for quite thirty years. God is sure
to hear my prayers. . . . "
It was difficult to say anything; and Elly merely
took Aunt's hand and pressed it. Aunt Therese
lifted Elly's face a little by the chin, looked at it
attentively, then looked at Lot. She was struck by
a resemblance, but said nothing.
She knew. Aunt Therese knew. She never went
to Holland now and she expected that probably she
would never again see her sister, whom she knew
to be Takma's child, never again see Takma, never
again her mother. But she prayed, especially for
those old people, because she knew. She, who had
once, like her mother, been a woman of society and
a woman of passion, with a Creole's heart that loved
and hated fervently, had learnt from her mother's
own lips, in violent attacks of fever, the Thing which
she had since known. She had seen her mother
see though she herself had not seen she had
seen her mother see the spectre looming in the
corner of the room. She had heard her mother
beg for mercy and for an end to her punishment.
She had not, as had Harold Dercksz, seen the
THINGS THAT PASS 167
Thing sixty years ago, but she had known it for
thirty years. And the knowledge had given a
permanent shock to her nervous and highly-strung
soul; and, after being the Creole, the woman
of passionate love and hatred, the woman of
adventures, the woman who loved and afterwards
hated those whom she had loved, she had sunk
herself in contemplation, had bathed in ecstasy,
which shone down upon her from the celestial panes
of the church-windows; and one day, in Paris, she
had gone to a priest and said:
" Father, I want to pray. I feel drawn towards
your faith. I wish to become a Catholic. I have
wished it for months."
She had become a Catholic and now she prayed.
She prayed for herself, but she prayed even more
for her mother. All her highly-strung soul went
up in prayer for that mother whom she would
probably never see again, but through whom she
suffered and whom she hoped to redeem from sin
and save from too horrible a punishment hereafter;
that mother who had prevented him, her father,
from defending himself, by clinging to him until
the other man had snatched the weapon from the
clenched hand that was seeking revenge in blood-
maddened rage. . . . She knew. Aunt Therese
knew. And she prayed, she always prayed. Never
could too many prayers rise to Heaven to implore
mercy.
" Mamma," said Theo, " the reverend mother
1 68 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
told me that you have fainted in chapel And that
you don't eat."
" Yes, I eat, I eat," said Aunt Therese, softly
and slowly. " Don't make yourself uneasy, Theo."
A contempt for her son embittered the smile on
her old lips; her voice, in addressing her son, grew
cold and hard, as though she, the woman of con-
stant prayer, suddenly became once more towards
her son the former woman, who had loved and
afterwards hated that son's father, the father who
was not her husband.
" I eat," said Aunt Therese. " Indeed, I eat too
much. Those good sisters ! They sometimes forget
when we have to fast; and they give me meat. Then
I take it and give it to my poor. . . . Tell me
more, children, tell me more about the Hague. I
have a few moments left. Then I must go to the
chapel. I say my prayers with the sisters."
And she asked after everybody, all the brothers
and sisters and their children:
" I pray for all of them," she said. " I shall
pray for you also, children."
A restlessness overcame her and she listened for
a sound in the passage. Theo winked at Lot and
they rose to their feet.
" No," Aunt Therese assured them, " I shall not
forget you. Send me your photographs, won't
you?"
They promised.
"Where is your sister, Charles?"
THINGS THAT PASS 169
" At Nice, Aunt."
" Send me her photograph. I pray for her too.
Good-bye, children, good-bye, dear children."
She took leave of Lot and Elly and went away
in a dream and forgot to notice Theo. He
shrugged his shoulders. The chant of a litany came
from the chapel, which occupied a larger room
opposite the little parlour.
They met the reverend mother in the passage;
she was on her way to the chapel :
"How did you find your aunt?" she whispered.
" Going to extremes, I expect : yes, she does go to
extremes. Look! . . ."
And she made Elly, Lot and Theo peep through
the door of the chapel. The sisters, kneeling on
the praying-chairs, were chanting their prayers. On
the floor, between the chairs, lay Aunt Therese,
prostrate at full length, with her face hidden in
her hands.
"Look!" said the reverend mother, with a
frown. " Even we don't do that. It is unneces-
sary. It is not even convenable. I shall have to
tell monsieur le directeur, so that he may speak to
madame about it. I shall certainly tell him. Au
revoir, madame, au revoir, messieurs. . . . "
She bowed, like a woman of the world, with a
smile and an air of calm distinction.
A sister saw them to the gate, let them out. . . .
"Oof!" sighed Theo. "I've performed my
filial duty once more for a few months."
1 70 THINGS THAT PASS
" I could not do it," muttered Lot. " I simply
couldn't."
Elly said nothing. Her eyes were wide-open and
staring. She understood devotion and she under-
stood vocation; though she understood differently,
where she was concerned, yet she understood.
41 And now for the homard a I'americaine! " cried
Theo.
And, as he hailed a carriage, it was as though
his fat body became relaxed, simply from breathing
the fresh, free air.
CHAPTER XIV
IN the night express, the young wife sat thinking.
Lot lay asleep, with a rug over him, in one corner
of the carriage, but the little bride could not sleep,
for an autumnal wind was howling along the train;
and so she just sat silently, in the other corner, think-
ing. She had now given her life to another and
hoped for happiness. She hoped that she had a
vocation and that she would have devotion to
bestow. That was happiness; there was nothing
else ; and Aunt Therese was right, even though she,
Elly, conceived devotion, happiness and vocation so
very differently. She wanted more than the feeling,
the thought; she wanted, above all, action. Even as
she had always given herself to action, though it
was only tennis at first and sculpture later and in
the end the pouring out of her own sorrow in words
and the sending of it to an editor, to a publisher
so she now longed to devote herself to action, or
at least to active collaboration. She looked wist-
fully at Lot and felt that she loved him, however
differently it might be from the way in which she
had loved the first time. She loved him less for
her own sake, as when she had been in love before,
and loved him more for his sake, to rouse him to
great things. It was all very vague, but there was
172 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
ambition in it and ambition, springing from love,
for his sake. What a pity that he should fritter
away his talent in witty little articles and hastily-
written essays. That was like his conversation,
light and amusing, unconvinced and unconvincing;
and he could do better than that, much better.
Perhaps writing a novel was also not the great
thing; perhaps the great thing was writing, but not
a novel. What then? She sought and did not yet
find, but knew for certain or thought she knew
that she would find and that she would rouse Lot.
. . . Yes, they would be happy, they would con-
tinue happy. . . . Out there, in Italy, she would
find it. She would find it in the past, in history,
perhaps; in things that were past, in beautiful noble
things that were dead, peacefully dead and still
beautiful. . . . Then why did she feel so melan-
choly? Or was it only the melancholy which she
had always felt, so vaguely, and which was as a
malady underlying all her activity and which broke
in the inflection of her quick, volublt voice : the
melancholy because her youth, as a child without
parents, brothers or sisters, had bloomed so quietly
in the old man's big house. He had always been
kind and full of fatherly care for her; but he was
so old and she had felt the pressure of his old
years. She had always had old people around her,
for, as far back as she could remember anything,
she remembered old Grandmamma Dercksz and
Dr. Roelofsz: she knew them, old even then, from
THINGS THAT PASS 173:
the time when she was a little child. Lot also, she
thought though the life of a man, who went about
and travelled, was different from that of a girl, who
stayed at home Lot also had felt the pressure of
all that old age around him; and that, no doubt,
was the reason why his dread of growing old had
developed into a sort of nervous obsession. Aunt
Stefanie and the uncles at the Hague were old and
their friends and acquaintances seemed to have died
out and they moved about, without contemporaries,
a little lonesomely in that town, along the streets
where their houses were, to and fro, to and fro
among one another. ... It was so forlorn and
so very lonely; and it engendered melancholy; and
she had always felt that melancholy in her youth.
. . . She had never been able to keep her girl-
friends. She no longer saw the girls of the tennis-
club; her fellow-pupils at the Academy she just
greeted with a hurried nod when she passed them
in the street. After her unfortunate engagement,
she had withdrawn herself more than ever, except
that she was always with Lot, walking with him,
talking to him; he also was lonely at the Hague,
with no friends: he was better off for friends, he
said, in Italy. . . . How strange, that eternal
loneliness and sense of extinction around both of
them! No friends or acquaintances around them,
as around most people, as around most families.
It was doubtless because of the oppression of those
two very old people; but she could not analyse
174 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
beyond that and she felt that something escaped her
which she did not know, but which was neverthe-
less there and pressed upon her and kept other
people away: something gloomy, now past, which
remained hovering around the old man and the
old woman and which enveloped the others the
old woman's children, the old man's only grand-
child in a sort of haze, something indescribable but
so definitely palpable that she could almost have
taken hold of it by putting out her hand. . . .
It was all very vague and misty to think about,
it was not even possible to think about it; it was
a perception of something chill, that passed, nothing
more, no more than that; but it sometimes pre-
vented her breathing freely, taking pleasure in her
youth, walking fast, speaking loud: when she did
that, she had to force herself with an effort. And
she knew that Lot felt the same: she had under-
stood it from two or three very vague words and
more from the spirit of those words than from
their sound; and it had given her a great soul-
sympathy for Lot. He was a strange fellow, she
thought, looking at him as he slept. Outwardly and
in his little external qualities and habits, he was a
very young boy, a child sometimes, she thought,
with round his childishness a mood of disillusion-
ment that sometimes uttered itself quite wittily but
did not ring sincere; beneath the exterior lay a dis-
position to softness, a considerable streak of selfish-
ness and a neurotic preoccupation where he was
THINGS THAT PASS 175
himself concerned, tempered by something that was
almost strength of character in dealing with his
mother, for he was the only one who could get on
with Mamma. With this temperament he possessed
natural gifts which he did not value, though it was
really necessary for him to work. He presented
a medley of contradictions, of seriousness and child-
ishness, of feeling and indifference, of manliness and
of very feeble weakness, such as she had never seen
in any man. He was vainer of his fair hair than of
his talent, though he was vain of this too; and a
compliment on his tie gave him more pleasure than
a word of praise for his finest essay. And this
child, this boy, this man she loved: she considered
it strange when she herself thought of it, but she
loved him and was happy only when he was with
her.
He woke up, asked her why she was not sleeping
and now took her head on his breast. Tired by
the train and by her thoughts, she fell asleep; and
he looked out at the grey dawn, which broke over
the bleak and chilly fields after they had passed
Lyons. He yearned for sea, for blue sky, for heat,
for everything that was young and alive : the South
of France, the Riviera and then Italy, with Elly.
He had disposed of his life and he hoped for happi-
ness, happiness in companionship of thought and
being, because loneliness induces melancholy and
makes us think the more intensely of our slow
decay. . . .
i 7 6 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" She is very charming," he thought, as he looked
down upon her where she slept on his breast; and
he resisted the impulse to kiss her now that she
had just fallen asleep. " She is very charming and
she has a delicate artistic sense. I must tell her
to start modelling again . . . or to write some-
thing: she's good at both. That was a very fine
little book of hers, even though it is so very sub-
jective and a great deal too feminine. There is
much that is good in life, even though life is nothing
but a transition which can't signify much in a world
that's rotten. There must be other lives and other
worlds. A time must come when there will be no
material suffering, at most a spiritual suffering.
Then all our material anxieties will be gone. . . .
And yet there is a great charm about this material
life . . . if we forget all wretchedness for a
moment. A spell of charm comes to everybody: I
believe that mine has come. If it would only
remain like this; but it won't. Everything changes.
. . . . Better not think about it, but work in-
stead: better do some work, even while travelling.
Elly would like it. At Florence, the Medicis; in
Rome, the whole papacy. ... I don't know which
I shall select: it must be one of the two. But there's
such a lot of it, such a lot of it. ... Could I
write a fine history of civilization, I wonder? . . .
I hate collecting notes : all those rubbishy odds and
ends of paper. . . . If I can't see the whole thing
before me, in one clear vision, it's no good. I can't
THINGS THAT PASS 177
study: I have to see, to feel, to admire or shudder.
If I don't do that, I'm no good. An essay is what
I'm best at. A word is a butterfly: you just catch it,
lightly, by the wings . . . and let it fly away
again. . . . Serious books on history and art are
like fat beetles, crawling along. . . . Tiens!
That's not a bad conceit. I must use it one day in
an article: the butterfly wafted on the air . . .
and the heavy beetle. ..."
They were approaching Marseilles; they would
be at Nice by two o'clock in the afternoon. . ... ..
CHAPTER XV
LOT had ordered a bedroom in the Hotel de Luxem-
bourg and had written to his sister Ottilie. On
arriving, they found a basket of red roses awaiting
them in their room. It was October; the windows
were open; and the sea shone with a dark metallic
gleam in a violent flood of sunlight and rippled
under the insolent forward thrusts of a gathering
mistral.
They had a bath, lunched in their bedroom, feel-
ing a little tired after the journey; and the scent
of the roses, the brightness of the sun, the deepen-
ing turquoise of the sky and the more and more
foam-flecked steel of the sea intoxicated both of
them. The salad of tomatoes and capsicums made
a red-and-orange patch around the chicken on the
table; and long pearls seemed to melt in their glasses
of champagne. The wind rose in mighty gusts and
with its arrogant, brutal, male caresses swept away
any haze that still hung around. The glowing sun
poured forth its flood as from a golden spout in the
turquoise sky.
They sat side by side, intoxicated with it all, and
ate and drank but did not speak. A sense of peace
permeated them, accompanied by a certain slack-
ness, as though in surrender to the forces of life,
178
THINGS THAT PASS 179
which were so turbulent and so violent and so radi-
antly gold and insolently red.
There was a knock; and a woman's head, crowned
with a large black hat, appeared through the open
door:
"May I come in?"
" Ottilie ! " cried Lot, springing up. " Come in,
come in I "
She entered:
" Welcome ! Welcome to Nice ! I haven't seen
you for ages, Lot ! Elly, my sister, welcome ! . . .
Yes, I sent the roses. I'm glad you wrote to me
. . . and that you are willing to see me and
that your wife is too. . . ."
She sat down, accepted a glass of champagne;
cordial greetings passed between Lot and his sister.
Ottilie was a couple of years older than Lot; she
was Mamma's eldest child and resembled both her
father, Pauws, and Mamma, for she was tall, with
her father's masterful ways, but had Mamma's
features, her clear profile and delicate chin, though
not her eyes. But her many years of public appear-
ances had given her movements a graceful assur-
ance, that of a talented and beautiful woman,
accustomed to being looked at and applauded, some-
thing quite different from any sort of ordinary,
domestic attractiveness: the harmonious, almost
sculptural gestures, after being somewhat studied
at first, had in course of time become natural. . . .
>l What a good-looking woman!" thought Elly;
i8o OLD PEOPLE AND THE
and she felt herself to be nobody, small, insignificant,
in the simple wrap which she had put on hurriedly
after her bath.
Ottilie, who was forty-one, looked no more than
thirty and had the youthfulness of an artist who
keeps her body young by means of an art and science
of beauty unknown to the ordinary woman. A
white-cloth gown, which avoided the last extrava-
gances of fashion, gave her figure the perfection
of a statue and revealed the natural outlines of
arms and bosom beneath the modern dress. The
great black hat circled its black ostrich-feather
around her copper-glowing fair hair, which was
plaited in a heavy coil; a wide grey boa hung in a
light cloud of ostrich-feathers around her; and, in
those colourless tints white, black and grey she
remained, notwithstanding her almost too great
beauty, attractive at once as a well-bred woman and
an artist.
" Well, that's my sister, Elly! " said Lot, proudly.
" What do you think of her? "
" I've seen you before, Elly, at the Hague," said
Ottilie.
" I don't remember, Ottilie."
11 No, you were a little girl of eight, or nine per-
haps; and you had a big playroom at Grandpapa
Takma's and a lovely doll's-house. ..."
" So I did."
" I haven't been to the Hague since."
* You went to the Conservatoire at Liege ? "
THINGS THAT PASS 181
" Yes."
"When did you sing last?" asked Lot.
" In Paris not long ago."
" We hear nothing of you. You never sing in
Holland."
" No, I don't ever go to Holland."
"Why not, Ottilie?" asked Elly.
" I have always felt depressed in Holland."
"Because of the country or the people?"
"Because of everything: the country, the
people, the houses . . . the family . . . our
circle. ..."
" I quite understand," said Lot.
" I couldn't breathe," said Ottilie. " It's not
that I want to run the country down, or the people
or the family. It all has its good side. But, just
as the grey skies hindered me from breathing, so
the houses hindered me from producing my voice
properly; and there was something around me, I
don't know what, that struck me as terrible."
"Something that struck you as terrible?" said
Elly.
' Yes, an atmosphere of sorts. At home, I could
never get on with Mamma, any more than Papa
and Mamma could ever get on together. Mamma's
impossible little babyish character, with her little
fits of temper, used to drive me wild. Lot has a
more accommodating nature than I! . . ."
' You ought to have been a boy and I a girl,"
said Lot, almost bitterly.
1 82 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
"Mais je suis tres femme, moi" said Ottilie.
Her eyes grew soft and filmy and happiness
lurked in her smile.
"Mais je te crois" replied Lot.
" No," continued Ottilie, " I couldn't hit it off
with Mamma. Besides, I felt that I must be free.
After all, there was life. I felt my voice inside
me. I studied hard and seriously, for years on
end. And I made a success. All my life is given
to singing. . . ."
' Why do you only sing at concerts, Ottilie ?
Don't you care about opera? You sing Wagner, I
know."
' Yes, but I can't lose myself in a part for more
than a few moments, not for more than a single
scene, not for a whole evening."
" Yes, I can imagine that," said Lot.
' Yes," said Elly, with quick understanding,
" you're a sister of Lot's in that. He can't work
either for longer than his essay or his article lasts."
" A family weakness, Ottilie," said Lot.
" Inherited."
Ottilie reflected, with a smile : the Gioconda smile,
Elly thought.
' That may be true," said Ottilie. " It was a
shrewd observation of your little Elly's."
1 Yes," said Lot, proudly. " She's very observ-
ant. Not one of our three natures is what you
would call commonplace."
"Ah," murmured Ottilie, "Holland . . .
THINGS THAT PASS 183
those houses . . . those people I ... Mamma
and ' Mr.' Trevelley at home : it was terrible. One
scene after the other. Trevelley reproaching
Mamma with Papa, Mamma reproaching Trevelley
with a hundred infidelities! Mamma was jealousy
incarnate. She used to keep her hat and cloak
hanging in the hall. If ' Mr.' Trevelley went out,
Mamma would say, ' Hugh, where are you going? '
' Doesn't matter to you,' said Trevelley. ' I'm com-
ing with you,' said Mamma, putting on her hat all
askew and flinging on her cloak; and go with him she
did. Trevelley cursed and swore ; there was a scene ;
but Mamma went with him: he walking along the
street two yards in front of her, Mamma following,
mad with rage. . . . She was very, very pretty
in those days, a little doll, with a fair-haired
Madonna face, but badly dressed. . . . Lot was
always quiet, with calm, tired-looking eyes: how
well I remember it all! He was never out of
temper, always polite to 'Mr.' Travelley. . . ."
" I have managed to get on with all my three
papas."
" When Mamma and Trevelley had had enough
of each other and Mamma fell in love with Steyn,
I cleared out. I went first to Papa and then to the
Conservatoire. And I haven't been back in Holland
since. . . . Oh, those houses! . . . Your
house, Elly Grandpapa Takma's house every-
thing very neatly kept by Aunt Adele, but it seemed
to me as if something stood waiting behind every
1 84 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
door. . . . Grandmamma's house and Grand-
mamma's figure, as she sat at the window there
staring . . . and waiting, she too. Waiting what
for? I don't know. But it did depress me so. I
longed for air, for blue sky, for freedom; I had
to expand my lungs."
" I have felt like that too sometimes," said Lot,
half to himself.
Elly said nothing, but she thought of her child-
hood, spent with the old man, and of her doll's-
house, which she ruled so very seriously, as if it
had been a little world.
" Yes, Lot," said Ottilie, " you felt it too : you
went off to Italy to breathe again, to live, to live.
. . . In our family, they had lived. Mamma
still lived, but her own past clung to her. . . .
I don't know, Elly; I don't think I'm very sensitive;
and yet . . . and yet I did feel it so : an oppress-
ion of things of the past all over one. I couldn't
go on like that. I longed for my own life."
u That's true," said Lot, " you released yourself
altogether. More so than I did. I was never able
to leave Mamma for good. I'm fond of her. I
don't know why: she has not been much of a mother
to me. Still I'm fond of her, I often feel sorry
for her. She is a child, a spoilt child. She was
overwhelmed, in her youth, with one long adora-
tion. The men were mad on her. Now she is old
and what has she left? Nothing and nobody. Steyn
and she lead a cat-and-dog life. I pity Steyn, but
THINGS THAT PASS 185
I sometimes feel for Mamma. It's a dreadful thing
to grow old, especially for the sort of woman that
she was, a woman one may as well speak plainly
who lived for her passions. Mamma has never
had anything in her but love. She is an elementary
woman; she needs love and caresses, so much so
that she has not been able to observe the conven-
tions. She respected them only to a certain point.
When she fell in love, everything else went by the
board."
" But why did she marry? / didn't marry ! And
I am in love too."
" Ottilie, Mamma lived in a different social
period. People used to marry then. They marry
still, for the most part. Elly and I got married."
" I have nothing to say against it, if you know
that you have found each other for life. Did
Mamma know that with any of her husbands? She
was mad on all the three of them."
" She now hates them all."
;< Therefore she ought not to have married."
" No, but she lived in a different social period.
And, as I say, Ottilie, people still get married."
' You disapprove of my not marrying."
" I don't disapprove. It's not my nature to
disapprove of what other people think best in their
own judgment."
" Let us talk openly and frankly. You call
Mamma a woman who lives for her passions. Per-
haps you call me the same."
1 86 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" I don't know much about your life."
" I have lived with men. If I had had Mamma's
ideas, or rather her unconscious conventions, I
should have married them. I loved and was loved.
Twice I could have married, as Mamma did; but
I didn't do it."
" You were disheartened by what you had
seen."
" Yes; and I didn't know, I never knew. Perhaps
now, Lot, perhaps now I feel certain for the first
time."
" Do you feel certain, Ottilie?" said Elly.
She took Ottilie's hand. She thought Ottilie so
beautiful, so very beautiful and so genuine that she
was greatly affected by her.
" Perhaps, Elly, I now know for certain that I
shall never love any one else as I love Aldo. . ,. , ;
He loves me . . ."
"And you will get married?" asked Lot.
" No, we shall not get married."
"Why not? . . ."
"Is he certain?"
" But you say he's fond of you."
* Yes, but is he certain? No, he is not. We are
happy together, ever so happy. He wants to marry
me. But is he certain? No, he is not. He is not
certain: I know for certain that he does not know
for certain. . . . Why should we bind ourselves
with legal ties? If I have a child by him, I shall
be very happy and shall be a good mother to my
THINGS THAT PASS 187
child. But why those legal ties ? . . . Aldo isn't
certain, happy though he may be. He is two years
older than I. Who knows what may be waiting
for him to-morrow, what emotion, what passion,
what love? ... I myself know that I have
found, but I know that he does not know. . . .
If he leaves me to-morrow, he is free. Then he
can find another happiness, perhaps the lasting one.
. . . What do we poor creatures know? . . .
We seek and seek until suddenly we find certainty.
/ have found it. But he has not. . . . No, Lot,
we shall not get married. I want Aldo to be free
and to do as he pleases. I am no longer young and
I want to leave him free. Our love, our bodies, our
souls are free, absolutely free, in our happiness.
And, if I am old to-morrow, an old woman, with
no voice left ..."
' Then you will pay the penalty, Ottilie," said
Lot.
; ' Then I shall pay no penalty, Lot. Then I shall
have been happy. Then I shall have had my por-
tion. I don't ask for eternity here below. I shall
be satisfied and I shall grow old, quietly, quietly
old. ..."
" Oh, Ottilie, and / . . . I suffer from growing
old, from growing older."
" Lot, that's a disease. You're happy now, you
have Elly, life is beautiful, there is sunshine, there
is happiness. Take all that, enjoy it and be happy
and don't think of what is to come."
1 88 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" Don't you then ever think of growing old and
of the horror of it? "
" I do think of growing old, but I don't see any-
thing horrible in it."
" If Aldo were to leave you to-morrow, you
would be alone . . . and you would grow old."
" If Aldo left me to-morrow, for his own happi-
ness, I should think it right and I should grow old,
but I should not be alone, for I should have all
my memories of his love and of our happiness,
which is actual now and so real that there can be
nothing else after it."
She got up.
" Are you going? "
" I have to. Come and lunch with us to-morrow.
Will you come, Elly? "
" Thanks, Ottilie."
Ottilie looked out of the window. The sun
beamed as it died away, from behind mauve and
rose clouds, and the wind had subsided on the
waves : the sea just rocked it softly on her rolling,
deep-blue bosom, like a gigantic lover who lay rest-
ing in her lap after his spell of blazing ardour.
" How splendid those clouds are ! " said Elly.
14 The wind has gone down."
" Always does, at this time," said Ottilie. " Look,
Lot, there he is! "
"Who?"
"Aldo. He's waiting for me."
They saw a man sitting on the Promenade des
THINGS THAT PASS 189
Anglais there were not many people about and
looking at the sea.
" I can only see his back," said Lot.
" You shall see him to-morrow. I'm delighted
that you're coming."
Her voice sounded grateful, as though she were
touched. She kissed them both and went away.
" Heavens, what a beautiful woman ! " said Lot.
" She is anything but young, but years don't count
with a woman accustomed to appear in public and
as handsome as she is. ..."
Elly had gone out on the balcony:
" Oh, Lot, what a glorious sunset ! . . . It's
like a fairy-picture in the sky. That's how I imagine
the atmosphere of the Arabian Nights. Look, it's
just like the tail of a gigantic phoenix vanishing be-
hind the mountains in flames. . . . There's Ottilie,
on the promenade; she's waving her handkerchief."
" And there's Aldo, with her, bowing. ... A
fine good-looking fellow, that Italian officer of hers.
. . . What a handsome couple! . . . Look,
Elly, as they're walking together: what a hand-
some couple ! I declare I'm jealous of him. I should
like to be as tall as that, with such a pair of shoulders
and such a figure."
" But aren't you content that I like you as you
are?"
' Yes, I'm quite content. I'm more than content,
Elly. ... I believe that I have come to my
divine moment, my moment of happiness. . . ."
1 90 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" It will be more than a moment."
"Are you certain of it?"
11 Yes, I feel it within me ... just as Ottilie
felt it within her. And you?"
He looked at her gravely and did not tell her
that she was much younger than Ottilie, too young
to know so much. And he merely answered:
" I too believe that I know for certain. But we
must not force the future. . . . Oh, what a won-
derful evening ! Look at those mountains beginning
to turn violet. . . . The fairy-picture is changing
every moment. The sea is rocking the wind in
her lap and the phoenix is dying away in ashes.
Let's stay here, let's stay and look. There are the
first stars. It's as though the sea were becoming
very calm and the wind sleeping peacefully on her
blue breast. You can just feel its breath still, but
it's asleep. . . . This is the land of life and
love. We are too early for the season; but what
do we care for smart people? . . . This is gor-
geous, Elly, this wealth of life, of love, of living
colour, fading away so purple in the darkness of
the night. The cool breath of that mighty wind,
which is now asleep: how very different from the
howling wind of our north, which whistles so
dismally! This mad merry wind here, now sleep-
ing, like a giant, in the blue lap of that giantess,
the sea! That's freedom, life, love and glory and
pomp and gaiety. Oh, I'm not running down my
country; but I do feel once more, after all these
THINGS THAT PASS 191
months, that I can breathe freely and that there's
a glow in life . . . and youth, youth, youth!
It makes you feel drunk at first, but I'm already
getting used to the intoxication. . . ."
They remained on the balcony. When the wind
woke in the lap of the sea and got up again, with
an unexpected leap of its giant gaiety, blowing the
first stars clear of the last purple clouds with a
single sweep, they went inside, with their arms
around each other's waist.
Over the joyously-quivering sea the fierce mistral
came rushing.
CHAPTER XVI
THE garden was reached from the flat by a little
terrace and two or three steps.
' You are too early to see it in its winter glory,"
said Ottilie. " You're much too early. Nature
here sleeps all through the summer under the
scorching sun."
" That's one long, long love-sleep," said Lot,
with his arm in his sister's.
' Yes, one long love-sleep," Ottilie echoed. " At
the beginning of the autumn, the heavy rains come.
They may overcome us yet, suddenly. When they
are past, then nature buds for the winter. That is
so exquisite here. When, everywhere up in the
north, there's not a leaf or flower to be seen, the
ground here is dug up, grass is sown and the mimosa
blossoms and the carnations and you get your
violets. You're too early, but you can see one
phase of the change. Look at my last summer
roses, blooming in such mad, jolly disorder. And
the heliotrope, delicious, eh? Yes, this one is still
glorious. Look at my pears : did you ever see such
big ones? How many are there? Three, four,
five . . . six. We'll pluck them; they're quite
ripe: if they fall to the ground, the ants eat them
192
THINGS THAT PASS 193
in a moment . . . Aldo! Aldo! Come here
for a second. . . . Pluck a few pears, will you?
I can't reach them, no more can Lot . . . Elly,
have you seen my grapes? Just look at my trellis-
work of vines? It might be a pergola, mightn't it?
And they're those raspberry-grapes, you know; you
must taste them. Try this bunch: they're delicious.
. We'll eat the pears presently, at lunch.
They're like sweet, aromatic snow. . . . Here
are figs for you: this is an old tree, but it still
stands as a symbol of fruitfulness. Pick them for
yourself, take as many as you like. . . . Here
are my peaches. . . . How hot the sun is still!
And everything's steaming: I love all that natural
perfume. Those grapes sometimes drive me
mad. . . ."
She thrust a white arm out of the sleeve of her
white gown among the hazy-blue bunches and
picked and picked, more and more. It was a feast
of gluttony, an orgy of grapes. Aldo picked the
finest for Elly. Well past forty, in the tranquil
calmness of his graceful strength he was plainly a
man of warm passion, a southern man of passion,
a tranquil, smiling and yet passionate nature. As
he drew himself up lissomely, in his loose-fitting
grey-flannel suit, and stretched his hands towards
the highest bunches, the harmonious lines of his
statuesquely handsome figure appeared sinewy and
supple; and there was this contradiction in him, that
he suggested a piece of classic sculpture in the cos-
i 9 4 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
tume of to-day. The smiling serenity of his regular,
large-boned face also reminded Lot of busts which
he had seen in Italy: the Hermes of the Vatican
no, Aldo was not so intelligent as that the
Antinous of the Capitol, but a manlier brother;
the Wrestlers of the Braccio Nuovo, only not so
young and more powerfully built. . . . Aldo's
smile answered to Ottilie's smile and contained the
tranquillity of a secure happinerss, of an intense
moment of perfect human bliss. That moment was
there, even if it were passing. That secure happi-
ness was as the pressed bunch of grapes. . . .
Lot felt that he was living his own ecstatic mo-
ment, felt that he was happy in Elly, but yet he
experienced a certain jealousy because of the
physical happiness in that very good-looking couple :
there was something so primitive in it, something
almost classical in this southern autumnal nature,
among this superabundance of bursting fruits; and
he knew for certain that he would never approach
such happiness, physically, because he felt the north
in his soul, however eagerly his soul might try to
escape that north; because he felt the dread of the
years that were to come; because his love for Elly
was so very much one of sympathy and tempera-
ment; because his nature was lacking in vigorous
sensuality. And it made him feel the want of
something; and because of that want he was jealous,
with all the jealousy which he had inherited from
his mother. . . ... They too, Aldo and Ottilie,
THINGS THAT PASS 195
felt no morbid melancholy, no sickly dread; and
yet their happiness, however superabundant, had
the sere tint of autumn, like all the nature around
them. The glowing-copper leaves of the plane-
trees blew suddenly over the vine-trellis, scattered
by the rough, brusque hands of the gaily-gathering
wind. A shudder passed through the disordered
rose-bushes; a heavy-ripe pear fell to the ground.
It was autumn; and neither Aldo nor Ottilie was
young, really young. And yet they had found this;
and who could tell what they had found before,
each on a different path! Oh, that untrammelled
happiness, that moment! . . . Oh, how Lot felt
his jealousy! . . . Oh, how he longed to be like
Aldo, so tall, so vigorous, handsome as a classical
statue, so natural, a classical soul! . . . To feel
his blood rush madly through his veins I ... Oh,
that north, which froze something inside him; that
powerlessness to seize the moment with a virile
hand; and the dread, the dread of what was to
come: that horror of old age, while after all he
was still young ! . . . He now looked at his wife;
and suddenly his soul became quite peaceful. He
loved her. Silent inward melancholy, dread: those
were his portion ; they couldn't be helped ; they must
be accepted with resignation. The headiness of
rapture could overwhelm him for a, moment: it
was not the true sphere of his happiness. It would
intoxicate him: his blood was not rich enough for
it. He loved, in so far as he was able; he was
196 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
happy, in so far as he could be. It was that, after
all: he had found what he wanted, he wished to be
grateful. A tenderness for Elly flowed through him
so intensely : he felt that his soul was the sister-soul
to hers. Superabundance was not for him; and the
pressure of the things that passed had always
weighed upon him and always hindered him from
flinging his two arms riotously round life. . . .
He threw away the stalk of his bunch of grapes
and followed Aldo, who was calling to him, indoors.
The Italian took his arm with a movement of
sympathy :
" Ottilie's going to sing," he said. ' Your wife
has asked her to."
His French had the sensual softness of his too
southern accent.
Ottilie was already singing, to her own accom-
paniment, in the drawing-room. Her rich voice,
schooled to the spaciousness of large halls, swelled
to a pure stream of sound, made the air quiver even
in the garden with notes heavy with happiness. It
was an Italian song, by a composer whom Lot did
not know; and it provided an illusion as though
Ottilie were improvising the song at the moment.
There was a single phrase, which opened softly,
rippled with laughter and melted away swooning,
like a nymph in a faun's arms.
" Another time, perhaps I'll sing you something
serious," said Ottilie. 'This is only a single cry:
a cry of life, nothing more. . . .."
THINGS THAT PASS 197
They sat down to lunch. The sun, which had
scorched them, the wind, which had covered them
with rough kisses, had given them an appetite; and
the saffron bouillabaisse stimulated their palates
lustily. On the side-board the fruit lay heaped in
large, plain baskets and represented autumn's lavish
abundance indoors as well.
" Lot," said Elly, suddenly, " I don't know what
it is, but I suddenly feel the south."
"We poor northerners!" said Lot. " Ottilie
and Aldo : they feel the south."
" But so do I ! " said Elly.
" Nice is a novitiate for you, Elly, before you
get to Italy! " said Ottilie. " Do you actually feel
the south here? In the air?"
' Yes, in the air ... and in myself, in
myself. . . ."
" Well, we have tropical blood in us," said
Ottilie. : ' Why shouldn't we feel the south at once?
Aldo could never feel the north : he went to Stock-
holm with me when I was singing there."
"Didn't you feel the north, in the air?" asked
Lot.
"Sicuro/" said Aldo. "I found it cold and
bleak, but then it was winter. I felt no more in
it than that. You northerners feel things more
sensitively. We feel perhaps . . . more brutally
and fully. We have redder blood. You have the
gift of feeling nuances. We haven't. When I feel,
I feel entirely. When Ottilie feels a thing now,
198 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
she also feels it like that. But she was not
always so."
" Aldo is making a southerner of me!" said
Ottilie. " He is wiping out all my nuances! "
Outside, the mistral rose and raged in a whirl
of glowing-copper plane-leaves.
"That's autumn," said Ottilie.
' Turning into winter," said Lot.
" But winter here is life again, renewed. Life is
renewed daily. Every day that comes is new
life."
"So no dying, but everlasting resurrection?"
asked Lot, with a smile.
" No dying, everlasting resurrection ! "
Her voice rang out defiantly. Oh, to embrace the
moment . . . with virile strength! It was not
for him, thought Lot. But what there was was
tender happiness. If only it remained so! If only
he were not left behind, lonely, alone and old, now
that he had known tender happiness! . . . He
looked at his wife. The topaz-coloured wine sent
a sparkle to her eyes and a flush over her usual
pallor; she was joking with Aldo and Ottilie, was
gayer than Lot had ever seen her; she became almost
pretty and began boldly to talk Italian to Aldo,
spinning out whole sentences which he corrected
with his quiet laugh.
" Who knows," thought Lot, " what she may yet
feel? She is twenty-three. She is very fond of me;
and, before she came to love me, she had known
THINGS THAT PASS 199
sorrow, because of another love. Who can tell
what the years may bring? Oh, but this is a divine
moment, these days are perhaps forming the most
heavenly moment of my life ! Let me never forget
them. . . . I am happy, so far as I can be happy.
And Elly must be feeling happy too. . . . She is
breathing again. . . . It is as though an oppress-
ion had gone over her and as though she were
breathing again. She lived too long with the old
man. The past is an oppression in his house. It is
an oppression at Grandmamma's. It is an oppress-
ion even with us, at home, because of Mamma
. . . Life does not renew itself there. It dies
away, it passes; and the melancholy of it depresses
even us, the young people. . . . Oh, Elly will
not be really happy until she is in Italy! . .
This is only an intoxication, delicious, but too full
and brutal for our senses; and there . . . there,
when we are working together, we shall find glad
happiness: I know it! Glad happiness in a country
not so sensual as Nice, but more intelligent and
dusted exquisitely with the bloom of the dead past.
. . . Yes, we shall be in harmony there and happy
and we shall work together. . . ."
Aldo was opening the champagne; and Lot
whispered:
"Elly!"
"What?"
" You felt the south just now? "
"Yes . . . oh, Lot, beyond a doubt!"
200 THINGS THAT PASS
"Well, I . . . / feel happiness!"
She squeezed his hand; a smile played around her
lips. She also would never forget this moment of
her life, whatever else those future years might
bring: with her northern soul of sadness, she felt
the south and her happiness . . . and what passed
they did not see. .. . .
CHAPTER XVII
THERE was a cold wind, with whirling snowflakes,
and Aunt Stefanie de Laders had not at first
intended to go out: she had a cough and lately
had not been feeling at all the thing; she feared
that this winter would be her last. Not every-
body lived to be so old as Mamma or Mr. Takma;
and she, after all, was seventy-seven: wasn't
that a fine age? But she did not want to die
yet, for she had always been very much afraid
of death, always carried a horrid vision of Hell
before her eyes : you could never know what awaited
you, however good and religious you might have
been, serving God properly. Now she, thank God,
had nothing to reproach herself with ! Her life had
gone on calmly, day after day, without a husband,
or children, or mundane ties, but also without any
great sorrow. Twice she had suffered the loss of
a tom-cat to which she was attached; and she
thought it very sad when the birds in the cages
grew old and lost their feathers and sometimes
gripped on to their perches with their long claws,
for years together, until one fine morning she found
their little bodies stiff. She thought it sad that
the family had no religion the De Laders had
801
202 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
always had religion and she felt very sad when
Therese, in Paris, became a Catholic, for after all
papistry was idolatry, that she knew for certain;
and she also knew for certain that Calvin had had
the root of the matter in him. She had always been
able to save money and did not quite know how to
dispose of it: she had executed a number of different
wills, making bequests and then rescinding them;
she would leave a good deal to charitable institu-
tions. Her health for very long had been exceed-
ingly good. Short, sprightly and withered, she had
been very active, had for years run along the streets
like a lapwing. Her witch-face became brown and
tanned and wrinkled, small and wizened; and her
little figure, with the shrunk breasts, bore no
resemblance whatever to the even yet majestic old
age of old, old Mamma. The barren field of her
life, without emotion, love or passion, had grown
drier and drier around her carping egoism, without
arousing in her a sense of either melancholy or loss.
On the contrary, she had felt glad that she was
able to fear God, that she had had time to make
her own soul and that she had not heard the sins
of the body speak aloud, in between the murmured
reading of her pious books and the shrill twittering
of her birds. Lucky that she had never been hysteri-
cal, like those Derckszes, she thought contentedly,
preferring with a certain filial reverence to put down
that hysteria rather to the Derckszes' account than
to that of her old mother, though nevertheless she
THINGS THAT PASS 203
shook her head over Mamma for thinking so little,
at her age, of Heaven and Hell and for continuing
to see old Takma, doubtless in memory of former
sinfulness. Anton was a dirty old blackguard and,
old as he was, had narrowly escaped most unpleasant
consequences, a month ago, for allowing himself to
take liberties with his laundress' little girl ; and Aunt,
who saw a great deal of Ina, knew that it was owing
to D'Herbourg's influence and intervention he
being the only one of the family who had any
connections that the business had no ill results,
that it was more or less hushed up. But Aunt
Stefanie thought it so sinful and hysterical of Anton,
looked upon Anton as so irretrievably sold to Satan
that she would have preferred to have nothing more
to do with him . . . if it were not that he had
some money and that she feared lest he should
leave the money to sinful things and people . . .
whereas Ina could do with it so well. And she now,
in spite of the weather, thought of sending for a
cab and going out: then she could first pick up
Anton, as arranged, and take him with her to the
Van Welys, Lily and Frits, to see their godchildren,
Stefje and Antoinetje. There were two babies
now; and she and Anton had a godchild apiece. A
tenderness flowed through her selfish old-maid's
heart at the thought of those children, who belonged
to her just a little for she tyrannized over Anton's
godchild too and in whom, she reflected con-
tentedly, she had not the least sinful share. For she
204 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
r
considered the things of the flesh more or less sinful,
even when hallowed by matrimony.
The cab came; and Aunt Stefanie, in a very old
fur cloak, hoisted herself in, sprightlily, climbed up
the step and felt anything but well. Was it
coming at last? Was she about to fall ill and
die? Oh, if she could only be sure of going to
Heaven! So long as she was not sure of it, she
would rather go on living, rather grow as old as
Mother and Takma, rather live to be a hundred.
The cab was now pulling up in front of the ground-
floor rooms in which Anton lived; and she thought,
should she wait till he came out or should she get
out herself for a minute? She resolved upon the
latter course and, when the door was opened by
the landlady, she clambered down the step of the
cab again, refusing the driver's assistance, and, with
a few snowflakes on her old-lady's cape and old fur
cloak, went in to her brother, who was sitting beside
a closed stove, with his book and his pipe. A thick
haze of smoke filled the room, drifting heavily with
slow, horizontal cloud-lines.
" Well, Anton, you're expecting me, aren't you ?
It wouldn't be the thing if you weren't! " said Aunt
Stefanie, in a tone of reproach.
Trippingly and imperiously, she went up to him.
Her voice sounded shrill and her little witch-face
shook and shivered out of the worn fur collar of
her cloak, because she felt cold.
" Yes, all right," said Anton Dercksz, but with-
THINGS THAT PASS 205
out getting up. ' You'll sit down first, won't you,
Stefanie?"
" But the cab's waiting, Anton; it means throw-
ing money away for nothing! "
" Well, that won't ruin you. Is it really neces-
sary that we should go and look at those brats?"
" You must see your godchild, surely. That's
only proper. And then we're going on, with Ina
and Lily, to Daan and Floor, at their hotel."
" Yes, I know, they arrived yesterday. . . . t
Look here, Stefanie, I can't understand why you
don't leave me here in peace. You always
want to boss people. I'm comfortable here,
reading. ..."
The warmth of the stove gave old Stefanie de
Laders a blissful feeling; she held her numbed feet
Anton possessed no foot-stove voluptuously to
the glow; but the smoke of the pipe made her cough.
" Yes, yes, you're just sitting reading; I read too,
but I read better books than you. . . . Let me
see what you're reading, Anton. What is it?
Latin?"
" Yes, it's Latin."
" I never knew that you read Latin."
' You don't know everything about me yet."
"No, thank God!" cried Stefanie, indignantly.
"And what is that Latin book?" she asked, curi-
ously and inquisitorially.
" It's sinful," said Anton, teasingly.
" I thought as much. What's it called? "
2o6 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" It's Suetonius : The Lives of the Caesars"
" So you're absorbed in the lives of those brutes,
who tortured the early Christians ! "
He grinned, with a broad grin. He sat there,
big and heavy; and the folds and dewlaps of his
full, yellow-red cheeks thrilled with pleasure at her
outburst; the ends of his grey-yellow moustache
stood straight up with merriment; and his eyes with
their yellow irises gazed pensively at his sister, who
had never been of the flesh. What hadn't she
missed, thought Anton, in scoffing contempt, as he
sat bending forwards. His coarse-fisted hands lay
like clods on his thick knees; and the tops of his
Wellington boots showed round under the trouser-
legs. His waistcoat was undone; so were the two
top buttons of his trousers; and Stefanie could just
see his braces.
" You know more about history than I thought,"
he grinned.
She thought him repulsive and looked nervously
round the room, which contained a number of open
book-cases, with the curtains drawn back:
"Have you read all those books?" she asked.
" And read them over again. I do nothing else."
Stefanie de Laders was coughing more and more.
Her feet were warm by this time. She was proof
against much, but she felt as if she would faint with
the smoke.
"Sha'n't we go now, Anton?"
He was not in the least inclined to go. He was
THINGS THAT PASS 207
greatly interested in Suetonius at the moment; and
she had disturbed him in his fantasy, which was
intense in him. But she had such a way of nagging
insistency; and he was really a weak man.
" I must just wash my hands."
4 Yes, do, for you reek of that pipe of yours."
He grinned, got up and, without hurrying him-
self, went to his bedroom. Nobody knew of his
solitary fantasies, which became more intense as he
grew older and more impotent in his sensuality;
nobody knew of the lust of his imagination nor
how, as he read Suetonius, he pictured how he had
once, in a century long past, been Tiberius, how he
had held the most furious orgies in gloomy solitude
at Capri and committed murder in voluptuousness
and sent the victims of his passions dashing into the
sea from the rocks and surrounded himself with
a bevy of children beautiful as Cupids. The hidden
forces of his intellect and imagination, which he had
always enjoyed secretly, with a certain shyness
towards the outside world, had caused him to read
and study deeply in his younger years ; and he knew
more than any one talking to him would ever
have suspected. On his shelves, behind novels and
statute-books, he concealed works on the Kabbala
and Satanism, being especially attracted in his
morbid fancies by the strange mysteries of antiquity
and the middle ages and endowed with a powerful
gift of thinking himself back into former times, into
a former life, into historic souls to which he felt
208 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
himself related, in which he incarnated himself.
No one suspected it: people merely knew that he
had been a mediocre official, that he read, that he
smoked and that he had occasionally done shameful
things. For the rest, his secret was his own; and
that he often guessed at another's secret was a thing
which not his mother nor Takma nor anybody would
ever have suspected. . . .
The moment he had gone to his bedroom, Aunt
Stefanie rose, tripped to the bookshelves and let her
eyes move swiftly along the titles. What a lot of
books Anton had! Look at that whole shelf of
Latin books: was Anton as learned as that? And
behind them: what did he keep behind those Latin
books? Great albums and portfolios: what was
in them? Would she have time to look? She drew
one from behind the Latin books and, with quick,
bird-like glances at the bedroom, opened the album,
which had Pompeii on it. ... What were those
strange prints and photographs? Taken from
statues, quite naked, from mural and ceiling fres-
coes; and such queer subjects, thought Aunt
Stefanie. What was it all, what were those things
and people and bodies and attitudes? Were they
merely jokes which she did not understand? . . .
Nevertheless they were enough to make her turn
pale; and her wrinkled little witch-face grew longer
and longer in dismay, while her mouth opened wide.
She turned the pages of the album more and more
swiftly, so as to be sure and miss nothing, and then
THINGS THAT PASS 209
went back to certain plates which struck her par-
ticularly. The world, so new to her, of classical
perversion sped past her awe-struck eyes in un-
divined sinfulness, represented by man and beast
and man-beast in contortions which her imagination,
untutored in sensuality, could never have suspected.
A devil's sabbath hypnotized her from out of those
pages; and the book, weighing so heavy in her
trembling old fingers, burnt her; but she simply
could not slip it back into its hidden nook . . .
just because she had never known . . . and be-
cause she was very inquisitive . . . and because
she had never suspected superlative sin. . . .
Those were the portals of Hell; the people who had
acted so and thought so would burn in Hell-fire for
ever: she not, fortunately!
"What are you doing?"
Anton's voice startled her; she gave a little
scream; the book slipped from her hands.
"Must you go prying about?" asked Anton,
roughly.
' Well, can't I look at a book? " stammered Aunt
Stefanie. "I wasn't doing anything improper!"
she said, defending herself.
He picked up the album and shoved it back
violently behind the Latin volumes. Then, becom-
ing indifferent, he grinned, with eyes like slits:
"And what have you seen?"
" Nothing, nothing," stammered Stefanie. " You
just came in . .. . and startled me so. I saw
210 THINGS THAT PASS
nothing, nothing. . . . Are you ready? Shall
we go? "
Buttoned up in his great-coat, he followed her
tripping little steps; he grinned at her scornfully:
how much she had missed! And, if she had seen
anything, how she must have been shocked !
" He is the devil ! " she thought, in her fright.
"He is the devil! If it wasn't for that sinful
money, which it would be such a pity for him not
to leave to Ina, I should drop him altogether, I
should never wish to see him again. For he is not
all the thing. . . ."
CHAPTER XVIII
INA D'HERBOURG was waiting for them in the
little house of her son-in-law and daughter, Frits
and Lily van Wely: Frits, a callow little officer;
Lily, a laughing, fair-haired little mother, up again
pluckily after her confinement. There were the two
children, Stefanus a year and Antoinetje a fort-
night old; the monthly nurse, fat and pompous;
the maid-of-all-work busy with the little boy; the
twelve-o'clock lunch not cleaned away yet; a bustle
of youth and young life : one child crowing, the
other screaming, the nurse hushing it and filling the
whole house with her swelling figure. The maid let
the milk catch, opened a window; there was a
draught; and Ina cried:
" Jansje, what a draught you're making! Shut
the window, shut the window, here are Uncle and
Aunt! ..."
And Jansje, who knew that Uncle Anton and
Aunt Stefanie were godfather and godmother, flew
to the door, leaving the milk to boil over, forgetting
to close the window, with the result that the old
people were received amidst a cold hurricane which
made Aunt Stefanie, whose throat was already irri-
tated by Anton's smoke, cough still more and
mumble :
211
212 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" It's not the thing, a draught like this; such a
draught! "
The fire which Jansje had lighted in the little
drawing-room had gone out again; and Lily and
Frits, wishing above all to make things pleasant for
the old people, now brought them back again to the
dining-room, where Jansje, in her eagerness to clear
the table, dropped and broke a plate, whereupon
exclamations from Jansje and reproaches from Lily
and despairing glances of Ina at her son-in-law
Frits. No, Lily did not get that slovenliness from
her, for she took after the IJsselmondes and they
were correct; Lily got it from the Derckszes. But
Frits now understood that he must be very civil
to Uncle Anton, whom he detested, while Lily, whom
Uncle Anton always kissed at very great length,
loathed him, felt sick at the sight of him, for Lily
also had to make up to Uncle Anton, that being
Mamma's orders. She had married Frits without
any money; but the young couple had very soon
perceived that money was not to be despised; and
the only two from whom there was a trifle to be
expected were Aunt Stefanie and Uncle Anton.
The old man, after being dragged there by his
sister against his will, had recovered his good tem-
per thanks to the lingering kiss which he had given
Lily and, with his fists like clods upon his knees, sat
chuckling and nodding in admiration when Nurse
held up the yelling brat to him. And, though he
was jealous of young, vigorous people, he found an
THINGS THAT PASS 213
emotion in his jealousy, found young, vigorous
people pleasant to look at and considered that that
virile little Frits, that callow, stiff little officer, might
well make a good husband to his wife. He nodded
at Lily and then at Frits, to convey that he under-
stood them, and Lily and Frits smiled back vacu-
ously. They did not understand him, but that didn't
matter: he guessed that they were still very much
in love, even though they had two brats; and he
also guessed that they were keen on his bit of money.
Well, they were quite right from their point of view;
only he couldn't stand Ina, because, ever since
D'Herbourg had helped him in his trouble with the
little laundry-girl, she treated him with a kindly
condescension, as the influential niece who had saved
her imprudent uncle from that soesah. 1 He grinned,
seeing through all that coaxing pretence and
chuckling to himself that it was all wasted, because
he had no intention of leaving them his bit of money.
But he knew better than to let this out to Stefanie
or any of them; on the contrary, amid all the pretty
things that were said to him, he gloated over the
gin-and-bitters which Frits so attentively set before
him, after helping him off he wasn't feeling cold
now, was he? with his great-coat. He thought
the whole farce most diverting and laughed pleas-
antly and benevolently, with the air of a good, kind
uncle who was so fond of the children, while he
thought to himself:
'Malay: bother, scrape, fuss.
2i 4 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" They sha'n't get one cent ! "
And he chuckled so deliciously at the thought that
he was quite pleased to give the fat monthly nurse
a couple of guilders. They were all taken in Aunt
Stefanie, Ina and the young couple when they saw
Uncle behaving so good-naturedly and so gener-
ously; they looked upon him as hooked; and he left
them in the illusion, which he so cleverly saw
through. What the devil, he thought, in a dull,
gathering rage, did he care about those young
people? Hadn't they enough with their youth and
their two vigorous bodies, that they must go
coveting his few thousand guilders? And what did
he care about that brat which they had christened
Antoinette after him? He had a horror of new-
born children, though he had sometimes thought
children very nice when they were just a few years
older. Things misted before his eyes, but he
mastered himself in his dull rage and in his slimy
thoughts and behaved benevolently and genially as
the well-off uncle and godfather who was going to
leave all his money to the brat.
" And Uncle Daan and Aunt Floor arrived yes-
terday," said Ina d'Herbourg, with a suppressed
sigh, for she looked upon the Indian relations as
unpresentable. " We said we'd call on them to-
gether to-day, didn't we, Aunt Stefanie? "
'That'll save her a cab-fare," thought Anton
Dercksz.
THINGS THAT PASS 215
* Yes," said Lily, " we might as well be going
on, don't you think so, Uncle?"
" Certainly, dear."
" Frits'll come on presently, won't you, after bar-
racks? I'll just go and get on my things. I do
think it so nice of you, Uncle Anton, to come and
have a look at the baby. I had begun to despair of
your ever coming, for you had promised me so
long. . . ."
' You see Uncle always keeps his promises,
dear. ..."
He said it with the appearance of kindliness, put
out his hand as she passed, drew her to him and,
as though under the softening influence of the visit,
gave her another long, lingering kiss. She shud-
dered and hurried away. In the passage she met
her husband, buckling on his sword.
" Don't let that filthy old scoundrel kiss you like
that ! " hissed Frits, furiously.
"How can I help it? The brute makes me
sick! . . ."
He went out, slamming the front-door, thinking
that his young happiness was already being defiled
because they were hard up and had to besmirch
themselves in consequence. Ina, Uncle and Aunt
waited in the dining-room until Lily was
ready.
" Uncle Daan must be very comfortably off,"
said Ina, with glittering eyes. " Papa, who is bound
to know, always refuses to talk about money and
216 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
wouldn't say how much he thought Uncle Daan
had. ..."
"And how much would you say it was?" asked
Aunt Stefanie.
" Oh, Aunt," said Ina, with a well-bred glance of
her weary eyes, " I never speak or think about money
and I really don't know how rich Uncle Daan is
. . . but still I believe he is worth seven hundred
thousand guilders. What makes them come to Hol-
land so suddenly, in the winter? Business, Papa
said; and he ought to know. But, as you know,
Papa never says much and never talks about busi-
ness or money. But I've been wondering to myself,
could Uncle Daan have lost all his money? And
mark my words: if so, Papa will have him on his
hands."
For Uncle Daan and Aunt Floor, who were un-
presentably Indian, had children of their own; there
were no expectations therefore from that quarter;
and Ina hated them with a profound hatred and,
jealous of their wealth, spoke as much ill of them
as she dared.
" Should you say so? " asked Aunt Stefanie.
" They've always been in business together," said
Ina, " so, if Uncle Daan has lost his money, Papa
is sure to have him on his hands."
" But, if he's worth seven hundred thousand
guilders?" asked Anton Dercksz.
" Yes, in that case," said Ina, covetously. " But
perhaps he hasn't seven hundred thousand. I don't
THINGS THAT PASS 217
know. I never talk about money; and what other
people have is le moindre de mes soucis."
Lily came down, looking the sweetest of little fair-
haired women in her fur boa ; and the four of them
went to the cab, while Jansje created a fresh draught
by opening the door too wide.
And Ina insisted that Uncle Anton should sit in
the front seat, beside Aunt Stefanie, and she and
Lily with their backs to the horse, while Uncle Anton,
with pretended gallantry, tried to resign the place
of honour to her, though he was glad that she did
not accept it. All that family was only a tie, which
bound you without doing you the least good. There
was that old bird of a Stefanie, who had dragged
him from his reading, his warm room, his pipe, his
Suetonius and his pleasant reverie, first to look at
a brat to whom he wasn't going to leave a cent and
next to call at an hotel on a brother who chose to
come from India to Holland in December. All such
unnecessary things; and what thousands of them you
did in your life ! There were times when you sim-
ply couldn't be your own master. . . . He indem-
nified himself by pressing his knees against Lily's
and feeling the warmth of her fresh young body.
His eyes grew misty.
The cab stopped at the big pension where Uncle
Daan was accustomed to stay when he came home
from India. They were at once shown in to Aunt
Floor, who had seen them through the window; a
baboe was standing at the door of the room.
2i8 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" Come inn ! Come insside ! " cried Aunt Floor,
in a bass voice and accentuating her consonants.
"How d'ye do, Stefanie? How d'ye do, Anton?
And how d'ye do, Ina . . . and you, little
Lily: allah, 1 two childr-r-ren alr-r-ready, that little
thing!"
Aunt Floor had not got up to receive them; she
was lying on a sofa and a second baboe was mas-
saging her huge, fat legs. The girl's hands glided
to and fro beneath her mistress' dressing-gown.
" Caughtt cold!" said Aunt Floor, angrily, as
though the others could help it, after renewed words
of welcome on their part and enquiries after the voy-
age. " Caughtt cold in the train from Paris. I
assur-r-re you, I'm as stiff as a boar-r-rd. What
came over Dhaan, to want to come to Gholland at
thiss time of year, I cannott make out. ..."
; ' Why didn't you stay behind in India, Aunt?"
asked Ina, well-bred and weary-eyed.
"Not likely! I ssee myself letting Dhaan gho
alone! No, dear, we're man and wife and where
Uncle Dhaan ghoes / gho. Old people like us belong
to one another. . . . Dhaan is with Gharold now,
in the other room: your Papa arrived a moment
agho, Ina. Those two are talking bissiness of course.
I asked Dhaan, ' Dhaan, what on ear-r-rth do you
want to gho to Gholland for?' 'Bissiness!' says
Dhaan. Nothing but bissiness, bissiness. I don't
understand it: you can always wr-r-rite about bissi-
'Lord!
THINGS THAT PASS 219
ness. Year after year that confounded bissiness;
and nothing ghoes r-r-right : we're as poor as r-r-rats.
. . . There, Saripa, soeda, 1 that's enough : I'm as
stiff as a boar-r-rd all the same."
The two baboes left the room; the anthracite-
stove glowed like an oven, red behind its little mica
doors. Aunt Floor had drawn herself up with a
deep sigh and was now sitting: her fat, yellow face,
with the Chinese slanting eyes, loomed like a full
moon from out of the hair, still black, which went
back, smooth and flat, to a large konde; 2 and there
was something of a mandarin about her as she
sat, with her legs wide apart in the flannel dressing-
gown and her fat, swollen little hands on her round
knees, just as Anton Dercksz often used to sit. Her
sunken breast hung like the bosom of a tepekong a
in two billows on her stomach's formidable curve;
and those rounded lines gave her an idol-like
dignity, as she now sat erect, with her stiff, angry
mandarin-face. From the long lobes of her ears hung
a pair of enormous brilliants, which gleamed round
her with startling brightness and did not seem to
belong to her attire the loose flannel bag so much
as to her own being, like a jewel set in an idol. She
was not more than sixty; she was the same age as
Ottilie Steyn de Weert.
"And is old Mamma well? . . . It's nice of
J That will do.
* The chignon or knot of hair at the back of the head.
*A Javanese dancer or nautch-girl, often old and ugly.
220 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
you to have come," she said, remembering that she
had not yet said anything amiable to her rela-
tions.
Her gelatinous mass now shook more genially on
the sofa, while around her sat Stefanie, with her
wrinkled witch-face; Anton, who recollected Floor
forty years ago, when she was still a strapping young
nonna, a nonna with Chinese blood in her veins,
which gave her an exotic attraction for the men;
Ina d'Herbourg, very Dutch and correct, blinking
her eyes with a well-bred air; and the fair-haired
little wife, Lily.
;< Why dhoesn't Dhaan come?" exclaimed Aunt
Floor. " Lily, gho and see what's become of your
gr-r-randpapa and your uncle."
" I'll go, Aunt," said Ina d'Herbourg. " You stay
here, dear. She mustn't walk about much yet,
Aunt."
And Ina, who was curious to see the rooms which
Uncle Daan and Aunt Floor occupied, rose and went
through Aunt's bedroom, with a quick glance at the
trunks. One of the baboes was busy hanging up
dresses in a wardrobe.
' Where are the gentlemen, baboe? "
" In the study, njonja."
The baboe pointed the way to Ina through the
conservatory. Well, they were handsome and no
doubt expensive rooms. Ina knew that the pension
was not a cheap one; and Uncle Daan and Aunt
Floor would hardly be poor as " r-r-rats." So Uncle
THINGS THAT PASS 221
had his own bedroom and a study besides. Papa
was with him now and they were doubtless talking
business, for they were jointly interested in various
undertakings. At home Papa never talked about
business, vouchsafed no information, to Ina's great
despair. . . . She heard their voices. And she
was thinking of creeping up quietly through the con-
servatory who knew but that she might overhear
some detail which would tell her of the state of
Uncle Daan's fortune? from sheer innocent curi-
osity, when she suddenly stopped with a start. For
she had heard Uncle Daan's voice, which had not
changed during the five years since she had seen
Uncle, exclaim :
" Harold, have you known it all this time? "
" Ssh ! " she heard, in her father's voice.
And Uncle Daan repeated, in a whisper:
" Have you known it all this time? "
" Don't speak so loud," said Harold Dercksz,
in a hushed tone. " I thought I heard some-
body. ..."
" No, it's the baboe clearing up ... and she
doesn't understand Dutch. ..."
" Speak low for all that, Daan," said Harold
Dercksz. " Yes, I've known it all this time! "
"All the time?"
' Yes, sixty years."
" I never ... I never knew it."
" Speak low, speak low ! And is she dead now? "
" Yes, she's dead."
222 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" What did you say her name was ? "
" Ma-Boeten."
"That's it: Ma-Boeten. I was a child of thir-
teen. She was Mamma's maid and used to look
after me too."
" It was her children who began to molest me.
She told her son about it: he is a mantri 1 in the
rent-office."
" Yes."
" He's a damned villain. I gave him money."
" That was right. . . . But, you see, Daan,
it's so long ago now."
" Yes, it's a very long time ago."
" Don't speak about it to Floor."
" No, never, never. That's why it's just as well
she came with me. If she had stayed at Tegal, that
damned villain might have . . . Yes, it's cer-
tainly a very long time ago."
" And it's passing. . . . It's passing. . . . :
A little longer and ..."
" Yes, then it will all be past. . . . But to think
that you, Harold, should have known it all this
time!"
" Not so loud, not so loud ! I hear something
in the conservatory. ..."
It was Ina's dress rustling. She had heard with
a beating heart, tortured with curiosity. And she
had not understood a word, but she remembered
the name of the dead baboe, Ma-Boeten.
1 Native clerk.
THINGS THAT PASS 223
She now deliberately rustled the silk of her skirt,
pretended to have just come through the con-
servatory, threw open the doors, stood on the
threshold :
" Uncle Daan! Uncle Daan! "
She saw the two old men sitting, her father and
his brother. They were seventy-three and seventy.
They had not yet been able to recover their ordinary
expression and relax the tense dismay of their old
faces, which had gazed with blinded eyes into the
distant past. Ina thought them both looking ghastly.
What had they been talking about? What was it
that they were hiding? What had Papa known
for sixty years? What had Uncle Daan only known
for such a short time ? . . . And she felt a shiver
going along her, as of something clammy that went
trailing by.
" I've come to look for you, Uncle Daan ! " she
exclaimed, with an affectation of cordiality. " Wel-
come to Holland, Uncle, welcome ! You're not
lucky with the weather: it's bleak and cold. You
must have been very cold in the train. Poor Aunt
Floor is as stiff as a board. . . . Uncle Anton is
there too and Aunt Stefanie; and my Lily came
along with us. I'm not interrupting you ... in
your business? "
Uncle Daan kissed her, answered her in bluff,
genial words. He was short, lean, bent, tanned,
Indian in his clothes; a thin grey tuft of hair and
the cut of his profile gave him a look of a parrot;
224 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
and, thanks to this bird-like aspect, he resembled his
sister Stefanie. Like her, he had quick, beady eyes,
which still trembled with consternation, because of
what he had been discussing with his brother Harold.
He clawed a few papers together, crammed them
into a portfolio, to give the impression that he and
Harold had been talking business, and said that they
were coming. They went back with Ina to the
sitting-room and greetings were exchanged between
Uncle Daan and those who had come to welcome
him.
" Aunt Floor knows nothing," thought Ina, re-
membering how Aunt had just spoken about her
coming to Holland.
Why had they come? What was the matter?
What was it that Papa had known for sixty years
and Uncle Daan for only such a short time? Was
that why he had come to Holland? Had it anything
to do with money: a legacy to which they were
entitled? . . . Yes, that was it, a legacy : perhaps
they would still become very rich. Did Aunt Stefanie
know about it? Uncle Anton? AuntOttilie? Grand-
mamma? Mr. Takma? . . . /F/za/wasit? And,
if it was a legacy, how much? . . . She was burn-
ing with curiosity, while she remained correct, even
more correct than she was by nature, in contrast with
the Indian unconstraint of Uncle Daan in his slip-
pers and the Chinese tepekong that was Aunt
Floor, with her bosom billowing down upon her
round stomach. She was burning with curiosity,
THINGS THAT PASS 225
while her eyes glanced wearily, while she made well-
bred efforts to conceal her eager longing to find out.
And stories were told that did not interest her.
Uncle Daan and Aunt Floor talked about their
children : Marinus, who was manager of a big sugar-
factory and lived near Tegal, with a large family
of his own; Jeanne " Shaan," as Aunt called her
the wife of the resident of Cheribon; Dolf un-
married, a magistrate. She, Ina d'Herbourg, did
not care a jot about the cousins, male or female,
would rather never see them: they were such an
Indian crew; and she just made herself pleasant,
condescendingly, but not too much so, pretending to
be interested in the stories of Clara, Marinus'
daughter, who was lately married, and Emile,
" Shaan's " son, who was so troublesome.
' Yes," said Aunt Floor, " and here we are, in
Gholland, in this r-r-rotten pension . . . for bissi-
ness, nothing but bissiness . . . and yes, kassian, 1
we're still as poor as r-r-rats! What am I to do
here for five months? I shall never stand it, if
this weather keeps on. Luckily, I've got Tien
Deysselman and Door Perelkamp " these were two
old Indian ladies " and they'll soon look me up.
They wr-r-rote to me to bring them some Chinese
cards and I've brought twenty packs with me : that'll
help me get through the five months. . . . "
And Aunt Floor glared out of her angry old
mandarin-face at her husband, " Dhaan."
'Oh dear! Poor things!
226 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
No, thought Ina, Aunt Floor did not know about
the legacy. Perhaps it wasn't a legacy. But then
what was it? . . .
She and Lily went back in the cab that came for
Harold; Stefanie drove Anton home in hers. Ina at
once went in search of her husband: she must con-
sult somebody and she knew of no one better. She
found him in his office :
" Leopold, can I speak to you? " she asked.
" I have a consultation presently," he said, conse-
quentially.
She knew that he was lying, that he had nothing
to do. She sat down quietly, without removing her
cloak or hat.
"Leopold ..."
She frightened him.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
" We must find out why Uncle Daan and Aunt
Floor have come to Holland."
" Goodness gracious ! " he exclaimed. " Papa's
affairs haven't gone wrong, have they?"
" I don't know, I don't think so ; but there's some-
thing that's brought Uncle Daan over."
"Something? What?"
" I don't know, but there's something: something
that Papa has known for sixty years, ever since he
was a child of thirteen. Uncle Daan has only known
it a little while and apparently has come to Holland
to consult Papa."
"How do you know?"
THINGS THAT PASS 227
" I know: take it from me that I know. And I
know more besides."
"What is that?"
" That Aunt Floor does not know and that Uncle
Daan does not mean to tell her. That Grand-
mamma's old baboe was called Ma-Boeten and that
she's dead. That her son is a mantri at Tegal and
that Uncle Daan has given him money. That's all
I know."
They looked at each other. Both of them were
very pale.
"What an incoherent story I" said Leopold
d'Herbourg, barrister and solicitor, with a conse-
quential shrug of the shoulders.
Ina, well-bred as usual, cast up her eyes wearily:
" It's very important. I don't know what it is,
but it's important and I want to know. Could it
have to do with a legacy? "
" A legacy? " echoed D'Herbourg, failing to see.
" Something that's due to us? Could that mantri
know things which, if Uncle Daan gave him
money . . ."
" Perhaps," said D'Herbourg, " it has to do with
money which Papa and Uncle Daan owe . . ."
This time, Ina turned very pale :
"No," she exclaimed, "that would be . . ."
' You can never tell. The best thing is not to
talk about it. Besides, Papa won't let anything out,
in any case."
But Ina's curiosity was too much for her. She
228 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
nodded her head in her well-bred way, under the
white bird of paradise in her hat:
" I must know," she said.
" How will you find out? "
" You might speak to Papa, ask him what's de-
pressing him. ..."
" What's depressing him? But I've never known
him to be anything but depressed, during all the
twenty-three years that we've been married. Papa
never talks to me ; he even employs another solicitor
for his business, as you know."
" Then / will ask Papa."
" That won't be any good."
" I must know," said Ina, rising. " I don't see a
legacy in it, after what you've said. Oh dear, oh
dear, who knows what it can be? Money perhaps
which ..."
" It's certainly money."
" Which Papa and Uncle Daan . ..."
" May have to repay, if ..."
" Do you think so ? "
" They do so much business in common. That
leads to all sorts of complications. And it won't be
the first time that men who do a great deal of
business . . . "
1 Yes, I understand."
" Perhaps it's better not to mix yourself up in
it at all. You would do wiser to be careful. You
never know what hornets' nest you're bringing about
your ears."
THINGS THAT PASS 229
" It happened sixty years ago. It dates sixty years
back. What an immense time ! " said Ina, hypno-
tized by the thought.
" That's certainly very long ago. The whole thing
is out of date ! " said D'Herbourg, pretending to
be indifferent, though inwardly alarmed.
" No," said Ina, shaking the white bird of para-
dise, " it's something that is not yet past. It can't
be. But Papa hoped that, before very long . . ."
"What?"
" It would be past."
They both looked very pale :
" Ina, Ina, do be careful ! " said D'Herbourg.
" You don't know what you're meddling with! "
" No! " she said, like a woman in a trance.
She must know, she was determined to know. She
resolved to speak to her father that evening.
CHAPTER XIX
SHE wandered round the house, greatly agitated and
uncertain what to do. She heard her son Pol, the
undergraduate, in his room downstairs, next to the
front-door. He was sitting there smoking with some
friends; and as she passed she listened to the lads'
noisy voices. There was a ring at the door: it was
her younger boy, Gus, her favourite; and, glad to
hear his merry and youthful chatter, she forgot for
a moment the feverish curiosity that consumed her
so fiercely.
She now thought of going to her father in his
study, but it was too near dinner-time, she feared,
and Papa did not like being disturbed at this hour.
She was restless, could not sit down, kept wandering
about. Just imagine, if Papa was ruined, what
should they do? Aunt Stefanie would perhaps leave
something to Gus, she was fonder of him than of
the others; but there were so many nephews and
nieces. If only Aunt didn't fritter her little fortune
away in legacies! . . . Her maternal feelings,
always centring on the question of money, made her
think of the future of her three children. Well,
for Lily she was doing everything in her power,
working on the feelings of both Aunt Stefanie and
Uncle Anton. As for Pol, he must manage as best he
230
THINGS THAT PASS 231
could : if he had a million, he would still be hard up.
The dinner-hour approached; and she waited,
with D'Herbourg and the two boys, in the dining-
room, for Papa to come down. When Harold
Dercksz entered, it seemed to her that Father's long,
lean figure, which was always bent, was now more
bent than ever; a bilious yellow gave his hollow
cheeks a deep metallic colour. Ina loved a formal
but cheerful table; the simple meal was tastefully
served; she kept up a certain style in her home,
was a very grande dame of a housekeeper. She
had brought up her children with the utmost cor-
rectness and could not understand that Lily had so
soon kicked over the traces, immediately after her
marriage : what a scene of slovenliness you always
found at Frits and Lily's! She was pleased with
her boys as she thought of it, pleased with their
manners at table: Pol talked gaily and pleasantly,
though not too noisily, because of Grandpapa; Gus
made a little joke from time to time ; then Ina would
laugh and stroke his head. Harold Dercksz hardly
spoke at all, listened to the boys with a smile of
pain on his lips. D'Herbourg carved. There was
usually a separate dish for Grandpapa : he had to
be very careful because of his digestion and his
liver. As a matter of fact, he was always in
pain. Sometimes his forehead puckered with
physical agony. He never spoke of what he suf-
fered, did what the doctor told him, was always
taciturn and gentle, quietly dignified, broken in body
2 3 2 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
through illness, broken in soul through the melan-
choly that shone in the gentle glance of his old eyes
with their discoloured irises. Ina looked after her
father, began by seeing to his special dish; she was
attentive and liked to have everything quite right in
her house and at her table.
At dessert, however, her uncontrollable curiosity
arose in her once more. Questions burnt upon her
lips, but of course she would ask nothing during
dinner . . . and she again laughed at something
that Gus said, stroked his curly head. She looked
more motherly in her indoor dress; when she was
with Gus, her weary eyes had not the same ultra-
well-bred glance as under the waving white bird of
paradise, when she sat cheek by jowl with fat Aunt
Floor, who was so Indian. Papa got up at dessert
and said, courteously:
" Do you mind, Ina? My pain's rather bad this
evening. . . ."
" Poor Father! " she said, kindly.
The old man left the room: Pol had jumped up
at once to open the door for him. The parents and
the two boys sat on a little longer. Ina told the
others about Uncle Daan and Aunt Floor; they
were amused at the twenty packs of Chinese playing-
cards. Gus, who was a good mimie, imitated the
Indian accent of Aunt Floor, whom he remembered
from her last visit, a couple of years ago; and Ina
laughed merrily at her boy's wit. Thus encouraged,
Gus mimicked Aunt Stefanie, made his face look
THINGS THAT PASS 233
like an elderly bird's, with a quivering, flexible neck,
and D'Herbourg roared with delight; but Pol, the
undergraduate, cried:
" Don't forget, Gus, that you've got expectations
from Aunt. You must never let her know you mimic
her!"
" It's not nice of you to say that," said Ina, in a
mildly reproachful tone. " No, Pol, it's not nice
of you. You know Mamma doesn't like allusions to
expectations and so forth. No, Pol, it's not very
good taste. ... I can't understand how Papa
can laugh at it."
But the merriment continued because of Gus; and,
when he imitated Uncle Anton, with his fists clenched
on his knees, Ina allowed herself to be led on and
they all three laughed, leagued against the Derckszes
as in a family alliance of aristocratic Jonkheer
d'Herbourgs against Indian uncles, aunts, grand-
uncles and grandaunts.
' Yes, Grandpapa is certainly the best of them,"
said Pol. " Grandpapa is always distinguished."
" Well, Greatgranny " as the children called
the old lady " Greatgranny, old as she is, is a
very distinguished woman ! " said Ina.
' What tons of old people we have in the
family!" said Gus, irreverently.
Ina repressed him: no jokes about the old lady;
for that matter, they all of them stood in awe of
her, because she was so very old and remained so
majestic.
234 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
"Aunt Ottilie has turned sixty, hasn't she?" Ina
asked, suddenly, hypnotized by the number sixty,
which loomed fatefully large before her eyes.
And the D'Herbourgs now ceased talking of
money, but discussed the family instead. With the
exception of Grandmamma and Papa Greatgranny
and Grandpapa to the boys they pulled all the
others to pieces and Gus mimicked them all : in addi-
tion to Uncle Anton, Aunt Stefanie and Aunt Floor,
he mimicked Uncle Daan, mimicked the son who
held a legal office out there, mimicked " Shaan," the
resident's wife at Cheribon. He had seen them all
in Holland, when they came home for anything
from two to twelve months on leave; and they al-
ways provided food for discussion and jest in the
D'Herbourg mansion. But Ina did not laugh any
more and stood up, while her curiosity burnt her
to the point of causing her physical pain.
Harold Dercksz was sitting upstairs at his big
writing-table. A lamp with a green shade made him
appear still yellower; and the wrinkles were sharply
furrowed in the old man's worn face. He sat huddled
in his chair, screening his eyes with his hand. In
front of him lay great sheets of figures, which he had
to examine, as Daan had asked him to. He stared
before him. Sixty years ago he had seen the Thing.
It was slowly passing, but in passing it came back
again to him so closely, so very closely. The sight
of it had given his child-brain and child-nerves a
shock for all his life; and that he had grown old
THINGS THAT PASS 235
quietly, very old, older than he need have, was due
to his self-restraint. . . . The thing of the past,
the terrible Thing, was a ghost and looked at him
with eyes while it came nearer, dragging its veil of
mist over rustling leaves, over a path lined with
sombre trees from which the leaves fell everlast-
ingly. . . . The Thing was a ghost and came
nearer and nearer in passing, before it would vanish
entirely in the past; but never had a single creature
appeared from behind the trees to stretch out a for-
bidding hand and hold back the ghastly Thing that
went trailing by. . . . Was a shadow loitering
behind the trees, was some one really appearing,
did he really see a hand motioning the thing, the
ghastly Thing, to stop in its passage through the
rustling leaves? . . . Oh, if it would only pass!
. . . How slowly, how slowly it passed! . . .
For sixty long years it had been passing, passing.
. . . And the old man and the old woman, both in
their respective houses or sitting together at the
windows, were waiting until it should have passed.
. . . But it would not pass, so long as they were
still alive. . . . Harold Dercksz felt pity for the
old man, for the old woman. . . . Oh, if it would
but pass ! . . . How long the years lasted ! . . .
How old they had grown! . . . Why must they
grow so old? . . . Was that their punishment,
their punishment, the punishment of both of them?
For he now knew what part his mother had played
in the crime, the terrible crime. Daan had told
236 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
him; Ma-Boeten had told her son; the m'antri had
told Daan. There were so many who knew it ! And
the old people believed that nobody . . . that
nobody knew it except . . . except old Dr.
Roelofsz! . . . Oh, so many knew it, knew the
Thing that was buried and kept on raising its spec-
tral form, the secret that was always rising up again
in its clammy mist. . . . Oh, that he must needs
grow so old, 50 old that Daan now knew it too ! If
only Daan held his tongue and did not tell Floor!
Would he hold his tongue? Would the mantri go
on holding his tongue? Money must be paid, at
least until the old, the poor old people were dead
. . . and until the Thing was past for them and
with them. . . .
A gentle tap; and the door opened: he saw his
daughter on the threshold.
" Father dearest," she said, winningly.
"What is it, dear?"
Ina came nearer.
" I'm not disturbing you, I hope? I came to see
how you were. I thought you looked so bad at
dinner. . . ."
She tended him, like a good daughter; and he ap-
preciated it. His heart was sensitive and soft and
he appreciated the companionship of the home : Ina's
care, the boys' youth imparted a genial warmth to
his poor chilled heart; and he put out his hand to
her. She sat down beside his chair, giving a quick
glance at the papers before him, interested in the
THINGS THAT PASS 237
sight of all those figures, which no doubt repre-
sented the state of Papa's fortune and Uncle Daan's.
Then she asked:
"Are you ill, Father dear?"
" Yes," he said, moaning, " I'm in pain." And,
moved by her affection, he added, " Better if it
were over with me soon."
"Don't say that: we could never do without
you."
He smiled, with a gesture of denial:
" You would have a trouble the less."
" Why, you know you're no trouble to me."
It was true and she said it sincerely; the
note of sincerity rang true in his child's motherly
voice.
" But you oughtn't to be always working like
this," she went on.
" I don't do much work."
"What are all those figures?"
She smiled invitingly. He knew her curiosity, had
known it ever since her childhood, when he had
caught her ferreting in his writing-desk. Since
that time, he had locked everything up.
" Business," he replied, " Indian business. I have
to look into these figures for Uncle Daan, but it
doesn't mean much work."
" Is Uncle Daan satisfied with the business? "
' Yes, he is. We shall be rich yet, dear."
"Do you think so?"
Her voice sounded greedy.
238 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" Yes. Have no fear. I'll leave you something
yet."
His voice sounded bitter.
" Oh, Father, I really wasn't thinking of that. I
do worry about money sometimes, because of Lily,
who married on nothing: what have Frits and Lily
to live on? And because of my boys. I don't care
about money myself."
It was almost true; it had become true as the
years went on. Since she had grown older, she
thought of money more for her children's sake;
motherliness had developed in her soul, even though
that soul remained material and small.
" Yes," said Harold Dercksz, " I know."
' You are so depressed, Father."
" I am just the same as usual."
" No, Uncle Daan has made you depressed. I
can see it."
He was silent and on his guard.
" You never speak out, Father. Is there
nothing I can do for you? What's depressing
you?"
" Nothing, dear."
'Yes, there is; yes, there is. Tell me what's
depressing you."
He shook his head.
"Won't you tell me?"
" There's nothing."
' Yes, there's something. Perhaps it's something
terrible."
THINGS THAT PASS 239
He looked her in the eyes.
" Father, is it a secret? "
11 No, dear."
" Yes, it is; it's a secret. It's a secret, a secret
that's depressing you . . . since I don't know how
long."
He turned cold in his limbs and all his soul armed
itself, as in a cuirass, and he remained like that, on
his guard.
" Child, you're fancying things," he said.
" No, I'm not, but you won't speak. It hurts me
to see you so sad."
" I am unwell."
" But you are depressed ... by that terrible
thing . . . that secret. . . ."
" There's nothing."
" No, there must be something. Is it about
money? "
" No."
" Is it about money which Uncle Daan . ,. ."
He looked at her.
" Ina," he said, " Uncle Daan sometimes has
different ideas about absolute honesty in business
. . . from those which I have. But he always
ends by accepting my view. I am not depressed by
any secret about money."
"About what then?"
" Nothing. There is no secret, dear. You're
fancying things."
" No, I'm not. I ... I .
240 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
'You know?" he asked, loudly, with his eyes
looking into hers.
She started.
"N-no," she stammered. "I . . .1 don't
know anything . . . but ... I feel . . . "
"What?"
4 That there's a secret that's depressing you."
"What about?"
" About . . . about something that's hap-
pened. ..."
" You know," he said.
" No, I don't."
" Nothing has happened, Ina," he said, coldly.
" I am an old, sick man. You tire me. Leave me
in peace. Leave me in peace."
He rose from his chair, nervous, agitated. She
drew up her weary eyes with her well-bred express-
ion, with her mother's expression, the expression of
the IJsselmondes, who were her source of pride.
" I will noT~tire you, Papa," she said and her
voice, sharp but tuned to the correct social enuncia-
tion, sounded affected " I will not tire you. I will
leave you in peace. I came to you, I wanted to speak
to you . . . because I thought . . . that you
had some worry . . . some sorrow. I wanted to
share it. But I will not insist."
She went on, slowly, with the offended haughti-
ness of a grande dame, as Harold Dercksz remem-
bered seeing his mother leave the room after a
conversation. A reproachful tenderness welled up
THINGS THAT PASS
241
in him; he had almost kept her back. But he re-
strained his emotion and let her go. She was a
good daughter to him, but her soul, the soul of a
small-minded woman, was all consumed with money
needs, with foolish conceit about small, vain things
because her mother was a Freule IJsselmonde
and with a passionate curiosity. He let her go, he
let her go; and his loneliness remained around him.
He sank into his chair again, screened his eyes with
his hand; and the lamplight under the green shade
furrowed the wrinkles sharply in his worn face of
anguish. He stared out before him. What did she
know? What did she guess? What had she over-
heard perhaps ... in the conservatory, as she
came to them? . . . He tried to remember the
last words which he had exchanged with Daan. He
could not remember. He decided that Ina knew
nothing, but that she guessed, because of his in-
creased depression. . . . Oh, if the Thing would
only pass ! . . . Oh, if the old people would only
die! . . . Oh, that no one might be left to know !
. . It was enough, it was enough, there had
been enough years of self-reproach and silent, in-
ward punishment for people who were so old, so
very old. . . .
And he stared, as though he were looking the
Thing in the eyes.
He stared all the evening long; sitting in his
chair, his face twisted with illness and pain, he fell
asleep with the light sleep of old people, quick to
242 THINGS THAT PASS
come and quick to go, and he saw himself again, a
child of thirteen, in the night in the pasangrahan and
heard his mother's voice:
u O my God, O my God, no, no, not in the
river!"
And he saw those three but young still his
mother, Takma, Ma-Boeten; and between them his
father's lifeless body, in the pelting rain of that
fatal night. . . ,.
CHAPTER XX
INA lay awake all night. Yes, curiosity was her
passion, had been since her childhood. If she could
only know now, now, now ! Her husband would give
her no assistance, was afraid of complications which
might threaten, if they meddled with matters that
did not concern them. She herself was curious to
the point of imprudence. She now wanted to talk
to Uncle Daan, whom she was sure to meet next
day at Grandmamma's. . . .
She went that afternoon to the Nassaulaan. Old
Anna opened the door, glad that the old lady was
not neglected :
" Good-afternoon, ma'am. . . . Mr. Takma,
Dr. Roelofsz and Mrs. Floor are upstairs. . . .
Yes, you can go up presently. . ., . Thank you,
the old lady is very well indeed. . . . Yes, yes,
she'll outlive us all yet. . . . Would you mind
waiting a minute, in the morning-room? We're
keeping up a nice fire here now, in the cold weather;
for, though the mistress never comes downstairs, as
you know, there's usually somebody of the family
waiting. ..."
Old Anna gave Ina a chair. The servant had
turned the morning-room into a comfortable wait-
ing-room. This secured that there was never too
243
244 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
much fuss around the old lady, which would not
have done at all. The closed stove burnt well. The
chairs were arranged in a circle. And the old
servant, from politeness, to keep Ina company, stood
by her for a moment, talking, till Ina said:
" Sit down, Anna."
The old servant sat down respectfully on the edge
of a chair. That was a habit which visitors had
adopted with her, because she was so old. She
asked politely after Mrs. Lily's little ones.
" The first really fine day, Mrs. van Wely will
bring the babies to see their great-great-grand-
mamma.
" Yes, the mistress will love that," said the old
servant; but she jumped up at the same time and
exclaimed, "Well, I never! There's Miss Stefanie
too! Well, they're certainly not neglecting the old
lady!"
She showed Aunt Stefanie de Laders in to Ina
and withdrew to the kitchen.
" Mr. Takma, the doctor and Aunt Floor are
upstairs," said Ina. " We will wait a little, Aunt.
. . . Tell me, Aunt, do you know why Uncle Daan
has really come to Holland?"
" Business? " said Stefanie, interrogatively.
11 I don't think so. I believe there's something the
matter."
" Something the matter? " said Stefanie, with
rising interest. " What sort of thing? Something
that's not quite proper?"
THINGS THAT PASS 245^
" I can't tell what it is exactly. As you know,
Papa never lets anything out."
"Is Uncle Daan ruined?"
" I thought he might be, but Papa says positively
that there is no question of money. As to what it
is . . ."
"But what could it be?"
' There's something"
They looked into each other's eyes, both of them
burning with curiosity.
" How do you know it, Ina? "
" Papa is very much depressed since he's seen
Uncle Daan."
' Yes, but how do you know that there's some-
thing the matter? "
The need to talk overcame Ina's prudence:
" Aunt Stefanie," she whispered, " I really
couldn't help it ... but yesterday, when I went
to fetch Uncle Daan and Papa in Uncle's study, I
heard ... in the conservatory . . ."
Aunt Stefanie, eager to learn, tremulously nodded
her restless little bird's-head.
" I heard . . . Papa and Uncle Daan talking
for a moment. Of course I didn't listen; and they
stopped speaking when I went in. But still I heard
Uncle Daan say to Papa, * Have you known it all
this time?' And then Papa said, 'Yes, sixty
years.' '
"Sixty years?" said Aunt Stefanie, in suspense.
'* That's ever since Ottilie was born. Perhaps it
246 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
had to do with Ottilie. You know, Ina, Aunt Ottilie
is . . ."
"Takma's daughter?"
Aunt Stefanie nodded:
" People used to talk a lot about it at one time.
They've forgotten it now. It all happened so long
ago. Mamma did not behave at all properly. Yes,
she has been very sinful."
" Could that be what they were talking about? "
" No, I don't think so. Uncle Daan knew all
about it. And Papa would not have said, * I've
known it for sixty years.' '
" No," said Ina, lost in conjecture.
And her usually weary eyes were bright and clear,
in their effort to penetrate the vagueness of the
Thing which she saw.
" No," said Stefanie, " it can't be that."
"What then?"
" Something . . . about Mamma."
" About Grandmamma ? "
' Yes, it's sure to have been about Grand-
mamma. . . . Sixty years ago. . . ."
" What a long time ! " said Ina.
" I was a girl of ... seventeen," said Aunt
Stefanie. " Yes, it was a long time ago."
" And you were seventeen.'
" Yes. . . . That's when Papa Dercksz died."
"Grandpapa?"
4 Yes. He was drowned, you know."
" Yes, it dates back to that time."
THINGS THAT PASS 247
"Yes. . . . Whatozw itbe?"
" Do you remember Grandmamma's baboef "
" I do. She was called Ma-Boeten."
" She's dead."
" How do you know? "
" I heard it."
"In the conservatory?"
' Yes, I heard it in the conservatory."
" What else did you hear? "
" Ma-Boeten's son is a mantri in the Tegal rent-
office."
"Well . . . ?"
" Uncle Daan gives him money."
"Money?"
" Either to speak . . . or to hold his tongue.
I believe it's to hold his tongue."
'Then can anything have happened?"
"Sixty years ago? Auntie, can't you remem-
ber?"
" But, my dear, I was so young, I didn't notice
things. I was a girl of seventeen. Yes, yes, Auntie
herself was young once. I was seventeen. . . .
I and the other children had remained in the town:
a sister of Grandmamma's was taking charge of us.
Papa had gone to the hills for his health. He and
Mamma were staying at a pasangrahan and I re-
member this now they had taken Harold with
them. Yes, I remember, Harold was not with us.
They had taken him : Harold was Papa's favourite.
, . .. It was there that Papa was drowned.
24 8 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
One night, in the kali. 1 He was restless, could not
sleep, walked into the jungle, missed his way and
slipped into the river. I remember all that."
** And Papa was in the pasangrahan with them? "
'* Yes, your father was with them. He was a
little fellow of thirteen then."
"And he has known, since then?"
"Is that what he says?"
' Then he must know something ,. ,., ,., about
the hills, about the pasangrahan. . ., ."
u lna, what can it be?"
" I have no idea, Aunt, but it must be something
. . . about Grandmamma. . . ."
* Yes," said Aunt Stefanie, with sudden caution ;
" but, whatever it is, dear ... it happened so
long ago. If it's anything, it's probably something
. . . improper. Don't let's rake it up. It is so
long ago now, sixty years ago. And Grandmamma
is so old. . . ."
She stopped; and her beady bird's-eyes stared
and blinked. It was as if she suddenly saw some-
thing looming, something that was coming nearer;
and she did not want to talk any more. She did
not even want to know. A shuddering anxiety,
mingled with a mist of vaguest memories, swam in
front of her blinking eyes. She would enjoin silence
upon it. It was not wise to penetrate too deeply
into the things of the past. Years passed, things
passed: it was best to let them pass quietly, to let
1 River.
THINGS THAT PASS
249
sin pass by. . . . The powers of Hell lurked
in sinfulness. Hell lurked in curiosity. Hell lurked
as a devil's sabbath in Anton's books and albums.
It lurked in her mother's past. It lurked in Ina's
devouring curiosity. She, Aunt Stefanie, was afraid
of Hell: she wanted to go to Heaven. She no
longer wanted to know what might have happened.
And she shut her blinking eyes before the mist of
remembrance and kept them closed:
" No, dear," she repeated, " don't let us rake it
up."
She would not say any more ; and Ina was certain
that Aunt knew, that Aunt at any rate remembered
something. But she knew Aunt Stefanie : she would
not speak now, any more than Papa would. Was
she on her guard? Oh, what was it, what could it
be?
CHAPTER XXI
BUT Aunt Floor was just coming, shuffling down the
stairs with her flopping bosom, and Uncle Daan
was just ringing at the front-door. Old Anna was
delighted. She loved that bustle of members of the
family on the ground-floor and she received every-
body with her pleased old face and her meek, civil
remarks, while the fat cat under her petticoats
arched its back and tail against her legs. Old Dr.
Roelofsz came limping down the stairs behind Aunt
Floor, hobbling on his one stiff leg; and his
enormous paunch seemed to push Aunt Floor on, as
she shuffled carefully, step by step.
Aunt Stefanie was glad to get rid of Ina d'Her-
bourg and said:
" Now /'// go upstairs."
She pushed past Roelofsz' stiff leg in the passage
and forced her way to the stairs between Daan and
Aunt Floor; and, in her nervous hurry, afraid of
Ina, of sinfulness, of curiosity, afraid of Hell, she
almost stumbled over the cat, which slipped just
between her feet.
" I thought I should find you here, Roelofsz,"
said Uncle Daan. " If I hadn't, I should have
looked you up at once."
250
THINGS THAT PASS 251
" Aha, aha, well-well-well, so you're back once
more, Dercksz! " said the old doctor.
They shook hands; and Daan Dercksz nervously
looked at Dr. Roelofsz, as if he wanted to say
something. But he wavered and merely remarked,
hesitatingly, to Ina :
14 Aren't you going upstairs, Ina?"
" No, Uncle," answered Ina, with apparent po-
liteness, glad to have a word with Dr. Roelofsz.
' You go first. Honestly, you go first. I can easily
wait a little longer. I'll wait down here."
Dr. Roelofsz joined her in the morning-room,
rubbing his cold hands, saying that it was warmer
here than upstairs, where they only kept up a small
fire : old Takma was never cold; he was always blaz-
ing hot inside. But Aunt Floor, who also came
into the morning-room for a minute, puffed and
put off her heavy fur cloak, Ina helping her:
" A handsome cloak, Aunt."
"Oh, I don't know, child!" said Aunt Floor,
disparagingly. " Just an old fur. Had it thr-r-ree
year-r-rs. But useful in Gholland: nice and
war-r-r-m! "
Inwardly proud of the cloak, she bit the last word
into Ina's face, rolling her r's as she did so. They
all three sat down and Anna thought it so pleasant
of them that she brought in some brandy-cherries,
three glasses on a tray:
" Or would you rather have tea, Mrs. Ina?"
" No, Anna, your cherries are delicious."
252 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
The servant went away, glad, happy at the bustle
on the ground-floor, to which the old lady no longer
ever descended. That ground-floor was her king-
dom, where not even the companion held sway,
where she, Anna, alone held sway, receiving the
family and offering refreshments.
Ina tasted a cherry, was sorry that Aunt Floor
had joined them in the morning-room. It was quite
possible that the old doctor, a younger contemporary
of Grandmamma's, knew something; but it was not
certain. For Uncle Daan himself had only known it
such a little while, though Papa had known it for
sixty years. Sixty years! The length of that past
hypnotized her. Sixty years ago, that old ailing
doctor who had given up practice and now merely
kept Grandmamma and Mr. Takma going, with
the aid of a younger colleague was a young man
of twenty-eight, newly-arrived in Java, one of
Grandmamma's many adorers.
She saw it before her and tried to see farther
into it; her curiosity, like a powerful lens, burnt
and revealed a vista in front of her, gleaming with
new light, through the opaque denseness of the past.
And she began:
" Poor Papa is not at all well. I'm afraid he's
going to be ill. He is so depressed mentally too.
Yes, Aunt, he has been more depressed, mentally,
since he saw Uncle Daan again than I have known
him for years. What can it be ? It can't be money-
matters.
THINGS THAT PASS 253
u No, my dear, it's not money-matters, though
we're still as poor as r-r-rats."
" Then what has brought Uncle Daan to Hol-
land?" asked Ina, suddenly and quickly.
Aunt Floor looked at her stupidly:
; ' What's brought him ? . . . Upon my word,
child, I don't know. Blessed if I know. Uncle
always ghoes r-r-regularly to Gholland ... on
bissiness, bissiness, always bissiness. What they're
scheming together now, your Papa and Uncle Daan,
blessed if I know; but we sha'n't get rich on it."
And she shook her head almost in Ina's face, re-
proachfully. " And it's year-r-rs that they've been
messing about together."
" Poor Papa ! " said Ina, sighing.
' Yes-yes-yes, well-well-well," exclaimed the doc-
tor, sitting sideways, with his paunch dangling in
front of him, " we're getting old, we're getting
old . . ."
" Speak for yourself! " cried Aunt Floor, angrily.
" I'm only ssixty."
"Only sixty? Aha, aha!" mumbled the doctor.
" Only sixty? I thought you were older."
" I'm only ssixty, I tell you ! " said Aunt Floor,
wrathfully.
' Yes-yes, then you're the same age . . .
as ... as Ottilie. . . . Well-well, well-
well! ..."
' Yes," said Aunt Floor, " I'm just the same age
as Ottilie Steyn."
254 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
"Sixty years . . . well- well!" mumbled the
doctor.
" You were a young man then, doctor," said Ina,
with a little laugh.
" Yes-yes, child, yes-yes ... a young man ! "
" There's a good many years between you and
Grandmamma, isn't there?"
" Yes-yes-yes! " said Dr. Roelofsz, confirming the
statement vehemently. " Nine years' difference,
nine years. . . . And with Takma . . .
five years . . . aha, yes, five years . . .
that's the difference between him and me . . ."
" It's so nice that you and Grandmamma and Mr.
Takma have always kept together," Ina continued,
softly. " First in India . . . and afterwards
always here, at the Hague."
" Yes-yes, we just kept together. . . ."
" Ssuch old fr-r-riends ! " said Aunt Floor, with
feeling.
But she winked at Ina, to convey that Dr.
Roelofsz, in spite of the difference of nine years,
had nevertheless been a very intimate friend of
Grandmamma's.
" Doctor," said Ina, suddenly, " is it true that,
sixty years ago . . . ? "
She stopped, not knowing what to say. She had
begun her sentence like that, craftily, and now broke
it off deliberately. The old doctor had a shock:
his paunch flung itself from left to right and now
hung over his sound leg.
THINGS THAT PASS 255
" Wha-atf " he almost screamed.
His eyes rolled in his head as he looked at her.
Terror distorted the wrinkled roundness of his
enormous old head, with the monk's-face, clean-
shaven, and the sunken mouth, which was now open,
while slaver flowed between the crumbly teeth over
the frightened lips. He clenched and raised his old
hands, with the skin hanging in loose, untidy folds,
and then dropped them on his knee.
He knew: Ina saw that at once. And she acted
as though his scream was no more than an exclama-
tion following upon a failure to hear, because of his
deafness; she raised her voice politely and quietly
and repeated in a little louder tone, articulating her
words very clearly:
" Is it true that, sixty years ago, Grandmamma
though she was thirty-seven then was still a
gloriously beautiful woman ? Yes, those old people
took more care of themselves than we do. I'm
forty-five, but I'm an old woman. . . ."
" Come, come," said Aunt Floor, " an oldd
womann ! "
And the doctor mumbled:
" Yes-yes, aha, oh, is that what you were asking,
Ina? . . . Yes, yes, certainly: Grandmamma
. . . Grandmamma was a splendid, a splendid
woman . . . even after she was past her first
youth. ..."
" And what about Ottilie ? She was for-r-rty
when Steyn fell in love with her."
256 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" Yes," said Ina. " It wasn't . . . quite nice
of Aunt Ottilie; but it was a wonderful testimony
to her youth. . . . "
And she stared at the doctor with the hidden
glance of her well-bred, wearily-blinking eyes. He
sat huddled in his chair, an old, decayed, shapeless
mass, a heaped-up ruin of a man and a human
being, an old, old monk, but wearing a loose frock-
coat and loose waistcoat, which draped his broad
body. The terror in his rolling eyes had died away;
and his glance drooped to the left, his head to the
right. It was as though he were seized with inertia,
after his fright, after his excessive emotion at Ina's
question, at the ominous number of sixty. He
nodded his enormous head sagaciously; and, in the
wintry light from outside, the shiny top of his head
became covered with bright patches.
" Yes-yes-yes, well-well-well ! " he mumbled, al-
most like an idiot.
He rose laboriously, now that Daan Dercksz
came downstairs, followed by Stefanie, followed by
old Mr. Takma, who refused any assistance on the
stairs, though Anna made a point of looking on
anxiously, driving away the cat, fearing lest it
should slip between the old gentleman's feet.
" Grandmamma is tired," said Daan Dercksz.
" Then I'd better not go up," said Ina. " No,
Anna, I think I won't go up. I'll come back some
other day soon. Grandmamma has had so many
visitors to-day."
JHINGS THAT PASS 257
Nevertheless she lingered a little and then went
away, sick with unsatisfied curiosity, which filled her
soul with ravenous hunger. Aunt Stefanie also took
her leave, saying that Mamma was poorly to-day;
and the last to go was old Takma, calculating his
steps carefully, but walking straight and erect. Ina
felt that he too must know. What was it, what*
could it be ? Those old people knew, every one of
them!
" Come, let's go home, Dhaan," said Aunt Floor.
" Our car-r-riage is waiting."
' You go," said Daan Dercksz, hesitating. " I
want to talk to Roelofsz first. I'm so glad to see
him again. . . ."
"Eh, always talking!" said Aunt Floor, dis-
pleased when her husband left her side. ' Then
I'll send back the car-r-riage for you pre-
sently. ..."
She said good-bye and shuffled away.
"May I see you home, Mr. Takma?" Ina
asked.
Takma nodded his consent:
" Do, child," he said, taking her arm.
Though he held himself well and would never
have a cab, he always thought it reassuring and
pleasant if somebody went back with him, down the
Nassaustraat, over the razor-back bridge, to his
house on the Mauritskade. He never asked to be ac-
companied, but was glad to accept when any one
offered. Ina, however, reflected that she would not
258 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
dare to ask old Mr. Takma anything: imagine,
suppose he knew and were also to get a shock, in
the street! It would be enough to give him a
stroke 1 No, she was too careful for that, but she
was sick and famished with the hunger of curiosity
in her soul. What could it be? And how should
she ever know?
Daan Dercksz remained behind with the old
doctor. His parrot-profile shook and his beady
bird's-eyes Aunt Stefanie's eyes kept blinking as
though with excitement, while all his lean figure
seemed to shrivel still smaller beside the colossal
bulk of the doctor, who towered before him with the
figure of a deformed Templar, resting on one leg
which was sound and one which was short and
limping.
"Well, Roelofsz," said Daan Dercksz, "I am
glad to see you again."
" Yes-yes, aha, it's quite five years since you were
in Holland last. . . . Well-well, that's a long
time. . . . We're growing old, we're growing
old. . . . You didn't expect to find your mother
so fit. ... Yes-yes, I'll make her see a hundred
yet! You wait and see, you wait and see. . . .
Perhaps she'll survive us all, Takma and me, yes-
yes. ..."
* Yes," said Daan Dercksz, " Mamma is very
little altered."
** She has a splendid constitution, yes-yes, always
has had. Her mind's quite clear; her memory is
THINGS THAT PASS 259
good; well-well, yes-yes, that's a blessing, at her
age. ..."
"AndTakma also ..."
" Keeps well, keeps well, yes-yes. . . . Well-
well, we're all growing old ... I too, yes-yes,
I too. . . ."
But Daan Dercksz was greatly agitated. He had
promised his brother Harold to be very careful
and not to talk, but, during the two months that
he had known, the secret and the horror of it burnt
into his soul, the soul of a business-man who, old as
he was, for the first time underwent a great emotion
outside his business.
And he could not hold himself in check. The
house was silent. Anna had gone back to her
kitchen; the old lady was sitting upstairs, alone
with the companion. A small gas-jet was burning
in the morning-room; another in the passage.
Afternoon darkness and silence hovered in the
atmosphere of the little house in which the old lady
had lived so long, had so long sat waiting at her
window upstairs, in her high chair. . . .
" Roelofsz," said Daan Dercksz.
He was a head shorter than the doctor; he took
hold of a button of the doctor's waistcoat.
"Yes-yes," said Roelofsz. "What is it,
Dercksz?"
" Roelofsz . . . I've heard about it."
" What?" shouted the doctor, deaf.
" I've heard everything ... in India."
260 OLD PEOPLE AND- THE
"What?" shouted the doctor, no longer deaf,
but dismayed.
" I've heard everything, heard it all . . ,. in
India."
The doctor looked at him with rolling eyes; and
his pendulous lips slavered in his clean-shaven
monk's-face, while his breath panted, reeking be-
tween the crumbly teeth.
And he, in his turn, caught hold of one of Daan
Dercksz' buttons:
"What have you heard?"
" I've heard everything," Daan Dercksz re-
peated. " Heard it all ... in India. I know
. . . I know everything."
"You know . . . everything? Oh? Oh?
You know everything? . . . What . . . what
do you know? "
" About . . . about Mamma. . . . About
Takma. . . . About ..."
They stood staring into each other's startled
eyes.
"About my father," said Daan Dercksz; and
his frightened voice sank to a hesitating whisper.
" About my father. What you know too. What
you have always known. That Takma, that night,
when he was with my mother, snatched my father's
own weapon from him: a kris which the Regent had
given him the day before ..."
"You know?" cried the doctor. "You know?
Oh, my God! Do you know that? I ... I
THINGS THAT PASS 261
have never said a word. I am eightee-eight years
of age . . . but I've . . . I've never said a
word."
11 No, you never said anything ,. . . but
Mamma's baboe ..."
"Ma-Boeten?"
1 Yes, Ma-Boeten told her son, a mantri at
Tegal. Ma-Boeten is dead and the mantri has
started blackmailing me. He's been to me for
money. I've given him money. I shall give him
money every month."
" So you know. . . . Yes-yes, O my God,
yes-yes 1 ... So you know, Dercksz, you
know?"
" Yes, I know."
''What did the mantri say? What had Ma-
Boeten told him? ..."
' That my father tried to kill Takma, with a
kris. . . . That Takma snatched the kris from
him, while . . ."
"While what? . . . Yes-yes, while what?"
"While Mamma . . . while my mother . . ."
"Yes-yes?"
" Flung her arms round my father, to prevent
him ..."
" O my God, yes, yes! "
' To prevent him from defending himself . . .
and that Ma-Boeten, behind the door, heard her
say ..."
" Yes-yes . . . yes-yes . . . O my God I "
262 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
"Heard her say, 'I hate you, I hate you: I've
always hated you . . . ' '
"Yes-yes . . . O my God!"
' I've always hated you and . . . and I love
Emile!'"
"Yes-yes ... and then?"
" And then she called out to Takma, almost
aloud, ' Emile, give him a stab : rather he than
you!'"
"O ... my ... God!"
The doctor sank, in a heavy mass, upon a chair:
"So you know!" he moaned. " It's sixty years
a g> yes-yes, O my God, yes-yes! I've never
spoken about it, never! I was so fond of your
mother. I ... I ... I held an inquest on
the body next day! "
' Yes, they let it drift down stream ... in
the kali ..."
" I held an inquest on the body next day . . .
and I ... I understood. ... I had understood
it before, for I had seen your mother that morning
and she was raving in her delirium . . . and I
. . . I promised . . . yes-yes, I promised
that I wouldn't tell . . . O my God, O my God
. . . if she . . . if she would consent to love
me! O my God, O my God, Dercksz, Dercksz,
Daan, I have never ... I have never said a
word! . . . And God knows what people, sixty
years ago, yes-yes, sixty years ago, didn't think
. . . and say . . . and gossip and gossip . . .
THINGS THAT PASS 263
without knowing the truth . . . until it was all
forgotten . . . until it was too late to hold a
fresh inquest, after all those months. ... I never,
never said a word. . . . O my God, no-no, no-
no! . . ."
' When I knew, Roelofsz, I couldn't stay in
India. I felt that I must see Harold, see you, see
Mamma, see Takma ..."
"Why?"
" I don't know, I had to see you all. Oh, how
they must have suffered. I am sorry for her, for
Takma. I had to see you, to talk to you about it.
I knew that you ..."
" Did the mantri know . . . about me? "
" Through Ma-Boeten."
'Yes, she knew everything, the hag!"
" She held her tongue for years. I did not even
know that she was alive. And then she told her
son. She thought Mamma was dead. The son
knew some of the servants at our house. He got to
know that Mamma was still alive. ..."
" O my God, O my God, yes-yes ! "
" I give him so much a month."
"Until Mamma dies?"
"Yes . . . until she dies!"
" O my God, O my God, yes-yes ! "
" But Roelofsz, what you did not know . . ."
"What . . . What? . . . What didn't I
know?"
" What you did not know is that Harold ..."
264 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
"Harold? Your brother?"
"Knew! ..."
" Harold knew?"
"Yes! . . . Yes! . . ."
"He knew? How did Harold know? O my
God, O my God! How did Harold know?"
"Harold knew . . . because he saw!"
"He saw? Harold saw?"
"He was with them there, in the hills; he was
in the pasangrahan."
"Harold?"
" He was a boy of thirteen. He woke up ! He
saw Mamma, Takma and Ma-Boeten. He saw
them carrying his father's body. He stepped in
his father's blood, Roelofsz ! He was thirteen years
old! He was thirteen years old! He has never
forgotten what he saw! And he has known it
always, all his life, all his life long! "
"O my God, O my God! ... Oh, dear!
. . . Is it true ? Is it really true? "
" It's true ! He told me himself."
" And he too ... did he never tell? "
"No, he never told!"
" He's a good fellow, yes-yes, one of the best of
fellows. He does not want to bring disgrace . . .
oh, dear . on his old mother's head! . . .
Daan, Daan . . . O my God! . . . Daan,
don't you ever tell : don't ever tell ! "
" No, I sha'n't tell. I have spoken to you and to
Harold, because I discuss everything with him;
THINGS THAT PASS 265
business matters and . . , and everything. He's
often helped me. . . . He helped me in India,
in a nasty affair which I had out there ... in
my time . . . yes . . . O Lord ... in my
time ! I've always discussed everything with
Harold. I spoke to you because I knew that you
knew. ..."
" Well-well-well, yes-yes-yes . . . But Daan,
Dercksz, don't speak to any one else ! "
" No, no, I sha'n't speak to any one else."
" Not to Stefanie, not to Anton, not to
Ottilie ..."
"Their child! ..."
' Yes-yes, her child and his. Hush-hush, Daan,
these are such old things, they're all past! "
" If only they were ! But they are not past
... as long as Mamma . . . and Takma . . .
are still alive ! "
' Yes-yes, yes-yes, you're right: as long as they're
alive, those things are not past . . . But, oh,
they are so old, he and she ! It won't last much
longer. They're passing, they're passing, those
things . . . slowly, but they're passing. . . .
Yes-yes, it's so very long ago. . . . And people
no longer trouble about any of us. ... In the
old days, yes, in the old days they, people, used to
talk . . . about Mamma and Takma and the
children, about Anton, about you . . . and
that scandal in India . . . about Ottilie: they
talked a great deal about Ottilie. . ,. . That's all
266 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
past now . . . it's passing. . . . We are old
. . . yes-yes ... we are old. . . ."
He sank back in his chair; his shapeless bulk col-
lapsed over his slanting paunch, as if it would fall
to the floor.
At that moment there came from upstairs a shrill
scream, suppressed but penetrating, as though it is-
sued from an old throat that was being strangled;
and almost at the same time the door upstairs was
flung back and the companion called:
" Anna . < . Anna, come quick ! "
Daan Dercksz was an old man, but a shiver ran
down his back like ice-cold water. The doctor
started, tottering on his legs, and at last drew up his
shapeless bulk and cried:
"What is it? What is it?"
And the two men hurried up the stairs as fast as
they could, with Anna behind them.
There were two lamps alight in the drawing-
room; and the old lady was sitting straight up in
her chair. Her eyes, enormously dilated, stared
from her head in tense dismay; her mouth remained
open, after the scream which she had uttered, and
formed a dark cavity; and she held one arm up-
lifted, pointing with an outstretched finger to the
corner of the room, near the china-cabinet. Thus
she sat, as though petrified and rigid: rigid the
staring expression and the open mouth, rigid all
the old face, in extreme terror, petrified the gesture
of the stiffly-held arm, as though she could never
THINGS THAT PASS 267
lower it again. And the companion and Anna, who
now went up to her together excitedly, asked :
" Mevrouw, mevrouw, what's the matter?
Aren't you well? Aren't you well?"
" The-ere! " stammered the old woman.
There! . . . There!"
And she stared and kept on pointing. The two
men had appeared in the doorway and instinctively
they all turned their eyes to the corner, near the
china-cabinet. There was nothing to be seen save
by the eyes of the old lady, nothing save what she
saw there and she alone saw it rising before her,
nothing save what she saw rising in a paroxysm of
the remorse that had overwhelmed her for years
and years . . . until suddenly she saw again, saw
for ten or twenty seconds, in which she became petri-
fied and rigid, while the old blood froze in her
veins. She now received a shock; her hand fell in
her lap ; she herself dropped back against the straight
pillow of her high-backed chair and her eyes
closed . . .
' The mistress has been taken like this before,"
said old Anna, in a whisper.
They all, all except Daan Dercksz, knew that she
had been taken like that before. They crowded
round her. She had not fainted. Soon she opened
her eyes, knew the doctor, knew the two women,
but did not know her son Daan. She glared at
him and then gave a sudden shiver, as if she had
been struck by a resemblance.
268 THINGS THAT PASS
"Mother! Mother!" cried Daan Dercksz.
She still stared, but she now realized that he was
not a materialization of what she had just seen,
realized that he was a son who resembled his father,
the man whom she had first loved and then hated.
Her fixed look died away; but the wrinkles in her
face, in the later paroxysm of shuddering, remained
motionless in their deep grooves, as though etched
and bitten in.
Anna stroked her hand and wrist with the soft,
regular movement of a light massage, to restore
her consciousness entirely . . . until the old
blood melted and flowed again.
" To bed," murmured the old lady. " To
bed. ..."
The two men went away, leaving her to the care
of the women. At the bottom of the stairs, the
dimly-lighted ground-floor shivered, full of shadow
silent as the grave. Daan Dercksz took Roelofsz'
arm, while the doctor hobbled laboriously down
the stairs, from the bad leg on to the sound leg.
"What was it she saw?" asked Daan Dercksz.
" Ssh ! " said the old doctor. " Yes-yes . . .
yes-yes . . ."
"What did she see?"
" She saw . . . Dercksz; she saw . . . your
father! ..."
In the kitchen the cat sat mewing with fright.
CHAPTER XXII
AUNT ADELE TAKMA, with her key-basket on her
arm, came fussing quietly from the dining-room into
the passage, for she had seen the postman and
was hoping for a letter from Elly. Lot and Elly
were at Florence, both of them working busily at
the Laurentiana and the Archives, where Lot was
collecting materials for an historical work on the
Medicis. They had been as far as Naples and,
on the homeward journey, tired of so much sight-
seeing Italy was quite new to Elly they had
stopped at Florence, settled down in a pension and
were now working together. Elly seemed happy
and wrote enthusiastic letters. ,
Aunt Adele looked in the letter-box. Yes, there
was a letter from Elly, a letter for Grandpapa.
Aunt Adele always read the letters out to Grand-
papa: that was so nice; and after all the letter was
for her too. Yes, the children were sure to be
away three months longer it was the beginning of
January now and then the plan was that they
would quietly take up their quarters with Steyn
and Mamma, for a little while, to see if it answered;
and, if it did not answer, they would quietly turn
out again and go their own way: they were still
keen on travelling and were not yet anxious for a
269
270 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
settled home. Ottilie was in London, where she had
her two boys, John and Hugh Trevelley: Mary
was in India and married. Mamma had been quite
unable to stand it by herself; and there was cer-
tainly no harm in her going to look up her two
sons ... if only those two sons had not been
such sharks. They were always wanting money:
Aunt Adele knew that from Elly and Lot.
Aunt Adele finished what she had to do down-
stairs, spoke to the cook, locked the store-cupboard,
smoothed a tablecloth here, put a chair straight
there, so that she need not come down again and
might have time to read Elly's letter to the old gen-
tleman at her ease. He always liked hearing Elly's
letters, because she wrote in a clever and sprightly
style; they always gave him a pleasant morning;
and he often read them over and over again after
Aunt Adele had read them out to him.
Aunt Adele now went upstairs, glad at having the
letter, and knocked at the door of the old gentle-
man's study. He did not answer and, thinking that
he had gone to his bedroom, she moved on there.
The door was open and she walked in. The door
between the bedroom and the study was open and
she walked in. The old man was sitting in his
usual chair, in front of the writing-table.
He was asleep. He sat limply in his chair; and
it struck her how very small he looked, as though
he had shrunk in his sleep. His eyes appeared to
be closed and his hand lay on an open drawer of
THINGS THAT PASS 271
his desk. A waste-paper-basket stood beside him;
other papers and letters lay scattered over the
table.
" He's asleep," she said to herself.
And, so as not to wake him, she stole away on
tiptoe through the open door. She did not wish
to disturb his rest, if he did not wake of himself
through the mere fact of her entering. He was so
old, so very old. . . .
She was sorry at having to wait before reading
Elly's letter. She had nothing more to do, her
housekeeping-duties were finished; the two servants
were quietly doing their work. And Aunt Adele
sat down by the window in the dining-room, with
her key-basket beside her, glad that everything
was nicely tidied, and read the morning paper, which
had just come : she would take it up to him presently.
It was snowing outside. A still white peace
slumbered through the room and through the
house. The voice of one of the maids sounded for a
moment and died away towards the kitchen. Aunt
Adele quietly read the four pages of the news-
paper.
Then she got up, took her basket, the letter and
the paper and went upstairs once more. She
knocked at the door of the study. But the old man
did not reply. She now opened the door. He was
still sitting in his chair, in the same attitude of sleep
as just now. But he looked even more shrivelled
oh, so very small! in his short jacket.
272 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
Aunt started and came nearer to him. She saw
that his eyes were not closed but staring glassily
into distant space. . . . Aunt Adele turned pale
and trembled. When she was close to the old gentle-
man, she saw that he was dead.
He was dead. Death had overtaken him and a
slight touch had sufficed to make his blood stand
still for good in his worn veins. He was dead and,
as it would seem, had died without a struggle,
merely because death had come and laid a chill
finger on his heart and head.
Aunt Adele trembled and burst into sobs. She
rang the bell and called out in fright for the maids,
who came running up at once, the two of them.
" The old gentleman is dead! " cried Aunt Adele,
sobbing.
The two servants also began to cry; they were
three women all alone.
" What shall we do, miss? "
" Keetje," * said Aunt Adele, " go straight to
Dr. Thielens and then on to Mr. Steyn de Weert.
I don't know of any one else. Your master had no
relations. But Mr. Steyn de Weert is sure to help
us. Take a cab and go at once. Bring Mr. Steyn
straight back with you. Mrs. Steyn is in London.
Go, Keetje, go, quick I "
The maid went, crying.
"He's dead," said Aunt Adele. "The doctor
can do nothing for him, but he must give a
1 Kate, Kittie.
THINGS THAT PASS 273
certificate. Door, 1 you and I will lay the master on
his bed and undress him gently. . . . "
They lifted the old man out of the chair, Aunt
Adele taking his head, Door his feet: he weighed
nothing in the women's hands. He was so light, he
was so light ! They laid him on the bed and began
to undress him. The jacket, when they hung it over
a chair, bulged out behind, retained the shape of the
old man's back.
Keetje had found Steyn de Weert at home; and
he came back with her in the cab: they left word
at Dr. Thielens' house; the doctor was out. Aunt
Adele met Steyn in the hall. A still, white peace
dozed through the big house downstairs; outside,
the snow fell thicker than ever.
" I knew of no one but you, Steyn ! " cried Aunt
Adele, sobbing. " And I also sent for you because
I knew the old gentleman told me so that you're
his executor. Yes, he's dead. He went out like a
candle. . . . This morning, I brought him his
breakfast, as usual. Then he went and sat at his
table, looking through some papers. I got a letter
from Elly and came upstairs and found him . . .
asleep, as I thought. I went away, so as not to wake
him. But, when I came back, he was still sitting
like that. He was dead. He is dead, Steyn. . . .
He was close upon ninety-four."
Steyn remained with Aunt Adele until the doctor
had been and signed the death-certificate; Steyn
1 Dora.
274 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
would see to everything that had to be done. He
telegraphed to London to his wife: Aunt Adele
asked him to do this; he telegraphed to Florence
to Lot and Elly: they certainly could not get back
to the Hague in time for the funeral. And he went
on at once to his brother-in-law Harold Dercksz,
whom he found at home after lunch:
" Harold," he asked, " what are we to do about
Mamma? We can't tell her, can we? "
Harold Dercksz had sunk back into his chair.
It was one of his bad days, he was moaning with
anguish and, though he did not complain, his face
was wrung painfully and his breath came in dull
jerks.
" Is . . .is the old man . . . dead?" he
asked.
He said nothing more, sat moaning.
" Do you feel so rotten?" asked Steyn.
Harold Dercksz nodded.
" Shall I send for Dr. Thielens to come and see
you?"
Harold Dercksz shook his head :
" There's nothing he can do. Thank you, Frans.
I know what to do for it : the great thing is to pay
no attention to it. . . ."
He was silent again, sat staring in front of him,
holding his hand before his eyes because the light
outside, reflected by the snow, hurt his face. And
he went on breathing with dull, irregular jerks.
The old man was dead. The old
THINGS THAT PASS 275
man was dead. ... At last. . . . The
Thing, the terrible Thing was passing, was not
yet past, was trailing, rustling, staring at him with
its fixed, spectral eyes, which he had known ever
since his childhood; but it was passing, passing.
. . . Oh, how he had looked and looked for the
old man's death ! He had hated him, the murderer
of his father, who had been dear to him when a
child; but, first as a child, afterwards as a young
man, he had been silent, for his mother's sake, had
been silent for sixty years. Only now, quite lately,
he had spoken to Daan, because Daan had come
from India in dismay, knowing everything, know-
ing everything at this late date, after the death of
the baboe, who had spoken to her son, the mantri.
. . . He had hated him, in his secret self, hated
his father's murderer. Then his hatred had cooled,
he had come to understand the passion and the
self-defence of the crime; then he had felt pity for
the old man, who had to carry the burden of his
remorse for all those years; then his pity had grown
into compassion, deep, quivering compassion for
both of them, for Takma and for his mother. . . .
" Give him a stab; rather he than you! "
Oh, that passion, oh, the hatred, of years ago,
in the woman that she had then been, a still young
and always attractive woman, she who was now
dragging out the last years of her life: did she
remember? Did she remember, as she sat in her
straight-backed chair, in that red twilight of the
276 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
window-curtains? . . . He, Harold Dercksz, had
longed for the death of Takma, longed for the
death of his mother ... so that for both of
them, the old people, the thing, the terrible Thing
might have passed entirely and plunged into the
depths of what had been. . . . He had longed;
and now . . . now the old man was dead !
Harold Dercksz breathed again:
" No, Frans," he said, in his soft, dull voice, " we
cannot tell Mother. . . . Remember how very
old she is. . . ."
" So I thought. We must keep the old man's
death from her at any rate. ... It won't be
possible to keep it from Dr. Roelofsz . . . but
it will be a blow to him."
"Yes," said Harold Dercksz. "You've tele-
graphed to Ottilie ? "
" Adele said I was to."
"Yes," said Harold Dercksz. "She's . ,., ,.,
she's his daughter."
" Did she know it? We never spoke of it."
" I never spoke of it to Mamma either. I be-
lieve Ottilie suspected it. You're the executor. . . ."
" So Adele said."
" Yes," said Harold Dercksz. " He'll have left
most of his money ... to Elly . . . and to
Ottilie. When's the funeral? "
" Monday."
" Lot and Elly won't be here."
" No. It won't be possible to wait for them."
THINGS THAT PASS 277
" Will the funeral procession go through the
Nassaulaan? "
" It's on the way to the cemetery."
" You had better let it go round . . . not
past Mamma's house. She's always sitting at the
window."
" I'll arrange that."
"How soon can Ottilie be here?"
" She can take the night-boat this evening."
" Yes, she's sure to do that. She suspects . . .
she suspects it all; she was very fond of the old man
and he of her."
" I must go, Harold. Would you mind telling
Dr. Roelofsz?"
" I'll do that certainly. If I can be of any further
use . . ."
" No, thank you."
" Let us meet at Mother's this afternoon. We
must warn the family as far as possible not to drop
the least hint before Mamma; we must keep it from
her. The shock would kill her. ..."
And Harold thought to himself that, if only she
were dead, then the Thing would be past; but they
had no right to murder her.
When Steyn opened the door, he ran against Ina
in the passage. She had been at the window and
seen him come; and, curious to know what he
wanted to talk about with her father, she had crept
upstairs and listened casually.
"Good-morning, Steyn," she said: she did not
278 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
call him uncle because of the very slight difference be-
tween their ages. "Has anything happened?"
She knew before she asked.
II Old Mr. Takma is dead."
" Ina," said her father, " be sure not to say a
word to Grandmamma. We want to keep it from
her. It is such a blow for the old lady that it might
be the death of her. ..."
" Yes," said Ina, " we won't say anything to
Grandmamma. Mr. Takma was well off, wasn't he ?
I suppose Elly will get everything? . . ."
II 1 don't know," said Steyn. " Probably."
" Lot and Elly have become rich all of a sudden."
"Remember, Ina, won't you?" said her father.
He shook hands with Steyn and went straight
off to Roelofsz'.
" Did he die during the night? " asked Ina.
Steyn gave the details. He let out that he had
telegraphed to Lot and to his wife, Aunt Ottilie.
"Why Aunt Ottilie?"
" Because ..." said Steyn, hesitating, regret-
ting his slip of the tongue. " It's better she should
be there."
Ina understood. Aunt Ottilie was old Takma's
daughter: she was sure to get a legacy too.
" How much do you think the old man will leave?
. . . Haven't you any idea? Oh, not that it in-
terests me to know: other people's money-matters
are le moindre de mes soucis! . . . Don't you
think Papa very depressed, Steyn? He has been so
THINGS THAT PASS 279
depressed since he saw Uncle Daan again. . . .
Steyn, don't you know why Uncle Daan has come
to Holland?"
She was still yearning with curiosity and re-
mained ever unsatisfied. She went about with her
gnawing hunger for days and weeks on end; she
did not know to whom to turn. The craving to know
was constantly with her. It had spoilt her sleep
lately. She had tried to start the subject once more
with Aunt Stefanie, to get behind it at all costs;
but Aunt Stefanie had told her firmly that she
whatever it might be refused to know, because
she did not want to have anything to do with old
sins and things that were not proper; even though
they had to do with her mother, they did not con-
cern her. It was Hell lying in wait for them;
and, after Aunt Stefanie's penitential homily, Ina
knew that she would get nothing out of her aunt,
not even the hazy recollection that might have
loomed for a moment before her aunt's eyes. What
was it, what could it be that Papa had known for
sixty years, that Uncle Daan had learnt quite lately
and that had brought him to Holland? Oh, to
whom, to whom was she to turn?
No, Steyn knew nothing and was surprised at
her question, thinking that Daan must have had
business to discuss with Harold, as usual. And he
went away, hurried off to Stefanie, to Anton, to
Daan and Floor, to the Van Welys; and he im-
pressed upon all of them that the old man's death
280 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
must be kept from Mamma. They all promised,
feeling one and the same need, as children, to keep
from their mother the death of the man to whom
she had remained so long attached, whom she had
seen sitting opposite her, almost every day, on a
chair by the window. And Steyn arranged with
all of them merely to say that Mr. Takma was un-
well and not allowed out . . . and to keep it
up, however difficult it might be in the long run.
Then Steyn went to Aunt Adele; and she asked:
" Couldn't we tidy up those papers in the old
gentleman's study, Steyn? It's such a litter.
They're all lying just as he left them."
" I'd rather wait till Lot and Elly are back," said
Steyn. " All you have to do is to lock the door of
the room. There's no need to seal anything up.
I've spoken to the solicitor."
He went away; and Aunt Adele was left alone
in the house of death, behind the closed shutters.
The old lady, over in the Nassaulaan, so close by,
never saw any one except her children and grand-
children: she would not be told. Monday was the
funeral. Lot and Elly could not be expected home
before Wednesday. It was hard on them, poor
children, to be disturbed like that in Italy, in the
midst of their work. But still Elly was to the out-
side world the old man's only relation; and she was
his heiress. . . .
Aunt Adele was not grasping. The old man was
sure to have left her a handsome legacy: she felt
THINGS THAT PASS 281
certain of that. What would upset her was to have
to leave the big house : she had lived there so long,
had looked after it so very long for the old gentle-
man. She was fond of it, was fond of every piece
of furniture in it. ... Or would Elly keep the
house on? She thought not: Elly considered it
gloomy; and it would be too big, thought Aunt
Adele, for Elly was no doubt sharing the money
with Ottilie Steyn. . . . Of course, people would
talk, though perhaps not so very much; the old
gentleman had, so to speak, become dead to the
outside world, with the exception of the Dercksz
family; an'd, except Dr. Roelofsz, all his con-
temporaries were dead. The only survivors of
his period were the old lady and the doctor. . . .
Yes, she, Aunt Adele, would certainly have to leave
the house; and the thought brought tears to her
eyes. How beautifully it was kept, for such an old
place ! What she regretted was that Steyn had not
consented to tidy up the papers in the study. He
had locked the door and given her the key. That
was the only room, in all the tidy house, with litter
and dust in it. Next to the study, in his bedroom,
lay the old gentleman: he was to be put into his
coffin that evening; Steyn and Dr. Thielens would
be there then. The whole house was quiet and
tidy around the dead man, except for the dust and
litter in the study. The thought irritated Aunt
Adele. And, that afternoon, she took the key and
went in. The room had remained as it was when
282 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
they lifted the old gentleman out of his chair so
light, oh, so light! and laid him on his bed and
undressed him. . . .
Aunt Adele opened the windows : the cold wintry
air entered and she drew her woollen cape closer
over her shoulders. She stood at a loss for a mo-
ment, with her duster in her hand, not knowing
where to begin. One of the drawers of the writing-
table had been left open; there were papers on the
table; a waste-paper-basket stood close by; papers
lay on the ground. No, she couldn't leave things like
that; instead of a crime, it was a kindness to the old
man who lay waiting in the next room, lifeless, to
put a little order into it all. She collected what she
found on the table and tucked it into a letter-wallet.
She dusted the desk, arranged everything neatly,
pushed the open drawer to and locked it. She picked
up what lay on the floor; and she gave a start, for
she saw that it was a letter torn across the middle, a
letter torn in two. The old gentleman had been
tearing up letters: she could see that from the paper-
basket, in which the little, torn pieces made white
patches. This letter had evidently dropped from
his hand at the last moment of all, when death
came and tapped him on the heart and head. He
had not had the strength to tear up into smaller
pieces the letter already torn in two; the two halves
had slipped from his fingers and he himself had slid
out of life. It touched Aunt Adele very much;
tears came to her eyes. She remained staring ir-
THINGS THAT PASS 283
resolutely, with the two pieces in her hand. Should
she tear them up? Should she put them away, in
the wallet, for Steyn? Better tear them up: the
old gentleman had intended to tear them up. And
she tore the two pieces in four. . . .
At that moment, an irresistible impulse forced
her to glance at the uppermost piece. It was hardly
curiosity, for she did not even think that she was
holding in her hand anything more than a very in-
nocent letter the old gentleman kept so many a
letter, among a hundred others, which he had
gradually come to the conclusion that he would do
well to destroy. It was hardly curiosity: it was a
pressure from without, an impulse from outside
herself, a force compelling her against her honest
conviction. She did not resist it: she read; and, as
she read, the idea rose clearly within her to finish
tearing up the letter and drop the pieces in the
basket.
Yet she did not do so: she read on. She turned
pale. She was a simple-minded, placid woman, who
had reached years of maturity calmly, with healthy,
unstirred blood, foreign to all violent passion.
Reading had left her soul untouched; and burning
sentences, she thought, were invented by the authors
for the sake of fine writing. The fact that words
could be written down such as she now read, on
paper yellow with age, in ink pale-red with age,
struck her with consternation, as though a red
flame had burst forth from smouldering ashes which
284 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
she was raking. She never knew that such a thing
could be. She did not know that those violent
glowing words could be uttered just like that. They
hypnotized her. She had sunk into the old man's
chair and she read, unable to do anything but read.
She read of burning things, of passion which she
had never suspected, of a melting together of body
and soul, a fusion of souls, a fusion of bodies, only
to forget, at all costs to forget. She read, in a
frenzy of words, of a purple madness exciting itself
in order to plunge and annihilate two people in each
other's soul and, with undiscovered kisses, to burn
away and melt away in oblivion, in oblivion. . . .
To melt into each other and never to be apart
again. . . . To be together for ever. . . . To
be inseparable for ever in unquenchable passion.
. . . To remain so and to forget. . . . Es-
pecially to forget, O God, to forget . . . that
one night, that night ! . . . And through the first
passionate purple words there now began to flow
the purple of blood. . . . Through the words
of passionate love there now flowed words of pas-
sionate hatred. . . . The frenzied joy that this
hatred had cooled after all. . . . The jubilant
assurance that, if that night could ever recur, the
hatred would cool a second time ! The mad words
deceived themselves, for, immediately after, they
again writhed in despair and declared that never-
theless, in spite of satisfied passion, the memory was
as a spectre, a bloody spectre, that never left you.
THINGS THAT PASS 285
,., . . Oh, the hatred would always cool like that,
for a third time, for a fourth time . . . but yet
the bloody spectre remained horrible! ... It
was maddening. ... It was maddening. . . .
And the letter ended with an entreaty that he would
come, come speedily, to blend with her in soul and
body and, in the rapture of it, to forget and no
longer to behold the spectre. At the bottom of the
letter were the words, " Tear this up at once," and
the name :
" OTTILIE."
Aunt Adele remained sitting motionless, with the
four pieces in her hand. She had read the letter:
it was irrevocable. She wished that she had not
read it. But it was too late now. And she
knew. . . .
The letter was dated from Tegal, sixty years ago.
Flames no longer flickered out of the words, now
that Aunt Adele had read them, but the scarlet
quivered before her terrified eyes. She sat huddled
and trembling and her eyes stared at that quivering
scarlet. She felt her knees shake; they would not
let her rise from her chair. And she know. Through
a welter of hatred, passion, jubilation, madness, pas-
sionate love and passionate remorse, the letter was
clear and conjured up as in an unconscious impulse
to tell everything, to feel everything over again, to
describe everything in crimson clearness a night of
years and years ago, a night in silent mountains,
by a dark jungle, by a river in flood, a night in a
286 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
lonely pasangrahan, a night of love, a night of
hatred, of surprise, of self-defence, of not knowing
how, of rising terror, of despair to the pitch of
madness. . . . And the words conjured up a
scene of struggle and bloodshed in a bedroom,
conjured up a group of three people who carried a
corpse towards that river in flood, not knowing
what else to do, while the pouring rain streamed
and clattered down. . . . All this the words
conjured up, as though suggested by a force from
the outside, an impulse irresistible, a mystic violence
compelling the writer to say what, logically speak-
ing, she should have kept hidden all her life long;
to describe in black on white the thing that was a
crime, until her letter became an accusation; to
scream it all out and to paint in bright colours the
thing which it would have been safest to keep buried
in a remorseful soul and to erase, so that not a
trace remained to betray it. ...
And the simple, placid woman, grown to mature
years in calmness of blood, sat dismayed at what
had been revealed to her. At first, her dismay had
shone red in front of her, dismay at an evocation
of hatred and passionate love; and now, suddenly,
there rose before her eyes the drawing-room of an
old woman and the woman herself sitting at a
window, brittle with the lasting years, and, opposite
her, Takma, both silently awaiting the passing. The
old woman sat there still; yonder, in the next room,
lay the old man and he too awaited the morrow and
THINGS THAT PASS 287
the last honours: for to-day everything was
past. . . .
O God, so that was the secret of their two old
lives! So vehemently had they loved, so violently
hated, so tragic and ever-secret a crime had they
committed in that lonely mountain night and such
blood-red memories had they dragged with them,
always and always, all their long, long lives ! And
now, suddenly, she alone knew what nobody knew!
. . . She alone knew, she thought; and she shud-
dered with dread. What was she to do with that
knowledge, what was she to do with those four
pieces of yellow paper, covered with pale-red ink
as though with faded letters of blood? .
What was she to do, what was she to do with it
all? . . . Her fingers refused to tear those four
pieces into smaller pieces and to drop them into
the paper-basket. It would make her seem an ac-
complice. And what was she to do with her know-
ledge, with what she alone knew? . . . That
tragic knowledge would oppress her, the simple-
minded woman, to stifling-point! . . .
Now at last she rose, shivering. It was very
cold in the aired room. She went to the window to
close it and felt her feet tottering, her knees knock-
ing together. Her eyes staring in dismay, she shook
her head to and fro, to and fro. Mechanically, with
her duster in her hand, she dusted here and there,
absent-mindedly, constantly returning to the same
place, dusting two and three times over. Mechani-
288 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
cally she put the chairs straight; and her habit of
neatness was such that, when she left the room, she
was still trembling, but the room was tidy. She had
locked up the torn letter. She could not destroy it.
And suddenly she was seized with a fresh curiosity,
a fresh impulse from without, a strange feeling that
compelled her: she wanted to see the old man.
. . . And she entered the death-chamber on the
tips of her slippered toes. In the pale dim light,
the old man's head lay white on the white pillow,
on the bed with its white counterpane. The eyelids
were closed; the face had fallen away on either
side of the nose and mouth in loose wrinkles of
discoloured parchment; there were a few scanty
grey hairs near the ears, like a dull silver wreath.
And Aunt Adele looked down upon him, with eyes
starting from their sockets, and shook her head to
and fro in dismay. There he lay, dead. She had
known him and looked after him for years. She
had never suspected that. There he lay, dead; and
in his dead relics lay all the past passionate love and
hatred; surely too the past remorse and remem-
brance. Or was there a hereafter yet to come, with
more struggling and more remorse and penitence
. . . and punishment perhaps? . . .
Whatever he might have suffered within himself,
he had not been fully punished here on earth. His
life, outwardly, had flowed long and calmly. He
had achieved consideration, almost riches. He had
not had an ailing old age. On the contrary, his
THINGS THAT PASS 289
senses had remained unimpaired; and she remem-
bered that he even used often to complain, laugh-
ing in his genial manner which was too pronounced
to be sincere that he heard everything and was
far from growing deaf with age, that in fact he
heard voices which did not exist. What voices
had he heard, what voice had he heard calling?
What voice had called to him when the letter, half-
destroyed and too long preserved, dropped from
the hand that played him false? . . . No, in this
world he had not been fully punished, unless indeed
his whole life was a punishment. ... A cold
shiver passed through Aunt Adele: that a person
could live for years beside another and not know
him and know nothing about him ! How long was
it? For twenty-three years, she, the poor relation,
had lived with him like that! . . . And the old
woman also lived like that. . . .
Shaking her head in stupefaction, Aunt Adele
moved away. She clasped her hands together, gently,
with an old maid's gesture. She saw the old woman
in her imagination. The old woman was sitting,
dignified and majestic, frail and thin, in her high-
backed chair. She had once been the woman who
was able to write that letter full of words red
with passion and hatred and madness and the wish
to forget, in a fusion of the senses with him, with
him who lay there so insignificant, so small, so old,
dead now, after years and years. She had once been
able to write like that !
290 THINGS THAT PASS
The words still burnt before the eyes of the stupe-
fied elderly woman, placid in soul and blood. That
such things were, that such things could be ! . ., ,.,
Her head kept shaking to and fro. . . ..<
CHAPTER XXIII
NEXT morning, Ottilie Steyn de Weert arrived at
the Hook of Holland. She was accompanied by a
young fellow of nearly thirty, a good-looking, well-
set-up young Englishman, clean-shaven, pink and
white under his travelling-cap, broad-shouldered in
his check jacket and knickerbockers. They took the
train to the Hague.
Ottilie Steyn was under the influence of emotion.
She could be silent when she wished and so she
had never spoken about it; but she suspected, she
knew almost for certain that Takma was her father
and she had loved him as a father.
" He was always so good to me," she said, in
English, to Hugh Trevelley, her son. " I shall miss
him badly."
" He was your father," said Hugh, coolly.
"Not at all," Ottilie protested. "You know
nothing about it, Hugh. People are always talk-
ing."
" He gave you the money to come to England."
Mamma Ottilie did not know why, but she was
sometimes more sincere with Hugh than she was
with Lot at home. She loved both these two sons,
but she loved Lot because he was kind to her and
she was really fonder of Hugh because he was
291
292 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
so good-looking and broad-shouldered and because
he reminded her of Trevelley, whom she had really
loved the best. She had never told Lot that the
old gentleman was very generous to her, but she
had sometimes said so to Hugh. She was glad to
be travelling with Hugh, to be sitting next to him;
and yet she was not pleased that Hugh had come
with her. He never came to the Hague; and it
only meant complications with Steyn, she thought,
especially now.
" Hugh," she said, caressingly, taking his hand
and holding it between hers, " Hugh, Mummy is so
glad to be with you, my boy. I see you so seldom.
I'm very glad. . . . But perhaps you would have
done better not to come."
" I daresay," said Hugh, coolly, withdrawing his
hand.
" Because of Steyn, you know."
" I won't see the fellow. I sha'n't set foot in
your house. I'll go to an hotel. Do you think I
want to see that scoundrel? That cad . . . for
whom you left my father? Not I! But I've come
to look after my interests. I sha'n't make any
trouble. But I want to know. You're coming into
money from that old man. He's your father, I
know he is. You're sure to come into money. All
I want is to know how things stand: whether he
leaves you any money and how much. As soon as
I know that, I shall go back. For the rest, I sha'n't
trouble any one, not even you."
THINGS THAT PASS 293
Ottilie sat looking in front of her, like a child
that has been rebuked. They were alone in the
compartment; and she said, coaxingly:
" Boy, dear boy, don't talk like that to your
mother. I'm so glad to have you with me. I'm
so very, very fond of you. You're so like your
father and I loved your father, oh, more than Steyn,
ever so much more than Steyn ! Steyn has wrecked
my life. I ought to have stayed with your father
and all of you, with you and John and Mary. Don't
speak so harshly, my boy. It hurts me so. Do
be nice again to your mother. She has nothing, no-
thing left in her life: Lot is married; the old man is
dead. She has nothing left. No one will ever be
nice to her again, if you aren't. And in the old days
. . . in the old days everybody used to be so very
nice to her; yes, in the old days . . ."
She began to cry. It came from her regret for
the old man, from her anger about Lot, who was
married, from her jealousy of Elly and her pity for
herself. Her fingers, like a little child's, felt for
Hugh's strong hand. He smiled with his handsome,
clean-shaven mouth, thought her funny for such an
old woman, but realized that she might have been
very charming once. A certain kindness showed
itself in him and, with bluff tenderness, putting his
arm round her waist, he said :
" Come, don't start crying; come here."
And he drew her to him. She crept up against
him like a child, nestled against his tweed jacket;
?94 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
he patted her hand; and, when he kissed her on the
forehead, she was blissfully happy and lay like that,
with a deep sigh, while he, smiling and shaking his
head, looked down on his mother.
" Which hotel are you going to? " she asked.
" The Deux-Villes," he said. " Have you any
more money for me ? "
" No, Hugh," she replied, " I gave it you all,
for the tickets and . . . "
"All you had on you?"
1 Yes, boy, really, I haven't a cent in my purse.
But I don't want it. You can keep what's left."
He felt in his pocket:
" It's not much," he said, rummaging among his
change. " You can give me some more at the
Hague. One of these days, when I'm well off, you
can come and live with me and enjoy a happy old
age."
She laughed, pleased at his words, and stroked
his cheeks and gave him a kiss, as she never did to
Lot. She really doted on him; he was her fa-
vourite son. For one word of rough kindness
from Hugh she would have walked miles; one kiss
from him made her happy, positively happy, for an
hour. To win him, her voice and her caress un-
consciously regained something of their former
youthful seductiveness. Hugh never saw her as a
little fury, as Lot often did, Lot whom in the past
she had sometimes struck, against whom she even
now sometimes felt an impulse to raise her quick
THINGS THAT PASS 295
little hand. She never felt that impulse towards
Hugh. His manliness, a son's manliness, mastered
her; and she did whatever he wished. Where she
loved manliness, she surrendered herself; she had
always done so and she now did so to her son.
On arriving at the Hague, she took leave of
Hugh and promised to keep him informed, implor-
ing him to be nice and not to do anything disagree-
able. He promised and went his way. At home,
she found her husband waiting for her.
" How did the old man die? " she asked.
He gave her a few brief details and said:
" I'm the executor."
"You?" she asked. "Why not Lot, as Elly's
husband? "
He shrugged his shoulders, thought it disingenu-
ous in her to ask:
" I don't know," he said, coldly. " The old man
arranged it so. Besides, I shall do everything with
Lot. He may be here in two days. The under-
takers are coming to-night; the funeral will be to-
morrow."
"Can't it wait for Lot?"
" Dr. Thielens thought it inadvisable."
She did not tell him that Hugh had come with
her and, after lunch, she went to the Mauritskade
and embraced Adele Takma, who was bearing up
though the red letters still whirled before her
stupefied eyes, like faded characters written in blood.
Ottilie Steyn asked to see the old gentleman for
296 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
the last time. She saw him, white in the pale, dim
light, his old white face on the white pillow, with its
scanty little wreath of hair, his eyelids closed, the
lines on either side of his nose and mouth fallen
away in slack wrinkles of discoloured parchment.
She wrung her hands softly and wept. She h?d been
very fond of the old man and he had always been
exceedingly kind to her. Like a father . . . like
a father . . . she always remembered him like
that. Papa Dercksz she had never known. He,
he had been her father. He had petted her even
as a child; and afterwards he had always helped
her, when in any sort of money trouble. If
ever he reproached her, it had always been gen-
tly . . . because she played with her life so:
that was his expression at the time of her first
divorce, from Pauws; of her second divorce, from
Trevelley. She remembered it all: in India and at
the Hague. He had liked Pauws very much;
Trevelley he disliked; Steyn he had ended by pro-
nouncing to be a good fellow after all. Yes, he
had never reproached her except gently, because
she was unable to manage herself and her love-
affairs; and he had always been so exceedingly kind
to her. . . . She would miss him, in the morning-
room at Mamma's, or on the days when she used to
look him up in his study and he would give her a
couple of banknotes, with a kiss, saying:
" But don't talk about it."
He had never said that he was her father; she
THINGS THAT PASS 297
had always called him Mr. Takma. But she had
suspected; and she now felt it, knew it for certain.
This affection, perhaps the last, was passing from
her, had passed from her. . . .
She went again in the evening, with Steyn, and
Dr. Thielens came too, to be present when the
body was put in the coffin. Aunt Adele said, no,
she was not afraid of being in the house with the
corpse, nor the maids either: they had slept quite
well the night before. Next day also, the day of
the funeral, Aunt Adele was composed. She re-
ceived Dr. Roelofsz very quietly; the doctor panted
and groaned and pressed his hands to his stomach,
which hung crooked: he had intended to go to the
cemetery with the rest, but did not feel equal to
it; and so he stayed behind with Adele. The
Derckszes came: Anton and Harold and Daan;
Steyn came; D'Herbourg came, with his son-in-law
Frits van Wely; and the women came too: Ottilie
Steyn, Aunt Stefanie, Aunt Floor, Ina and the fair-
haired little bride, Lily; they all remained with Dr.
Roelofsz and Aunt Adele, who was quite composed.
When the funeral procession was gone, the women
said how sad it was for Grandmamma; and the old
doctor began to cry. It was a pitiful sight, to see
that old man, shapeless as a crumbling mass, huddled
in a chair; to hear him exclaim, " Well-well . . .
yes-yes ... oh, yes! " to see him cry; but Adele
remained composed. Ottilie Steyn was not so; she
wept bitterly; and they all saw that she was mourn-
298 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
ing the death of a father, though not any of them
had uttered the word, not even quietly among them-
selves.
Next morning, Steyn had an interview with the
solicitor; and, when he came home, he said to his
wife:
" Adele has a legacy of thirty thousand guilders;
Elly and you get something over a hundred thousand
each."
Mamma Ottilie sobbed:
" The dear good man ! " she stammered through
her sobs. " The dear good man! "
" Only we thought, Ottilie, the solicitor and I
thought, that it would be best, for Mamma's
sake to speak of the inheritance as little as
possible."
" Does the old gentleman acknowledge me as his
daughter? "
' There is no question of acknowledging. He
leaves you the half of his property; you and Elly
share and share alike, after deducting Adele's
legacy. Only we thought, the solicitor and I, that,
for Mamma's sake, it would be better not to talk
about it to any one who needn't know."
" Yes," said Ottilie, " very well."
" You can be silent when you choose, you know."
She looked at him:
" I shall not talk about it. But why do you say
that?"
" Because I see from the old gentleman's books
THINGS THAT PASS 299
that he often used to give you money. At least there
are entries: 'To O. S.'"
She flushed up :
" I wasn't obliged to tell you."
" No, but you always used to say that you had
found some money in your cupboard and make
yourself out more careless than you were."
" The old man himself asked me not to talk about
that money. . . ."
" And you were quite right not to. I only say,
you can be silent when you choose. So be silent
now."
"I don't want your advice, thank you!" she
blazed out; but he had left the room.
She clenched her fist : oh, she hated him, she hated
him, especially for his voice ! She could not stand
his cold, bass voice, his deep, measured words. She
hated him : she could have smacked his face, just to
see if he would then still speak in cool, deliberate
tones. She hated him more and more every day.
She hated him so much that she longed for his
death. She had wept beside the old man's body; she
could have danced beside Steyn's! Oh, she didn't
yet realize how she hated him! She pictured him
dead, run over, or wounded to the death, with a
knife in his heart or a bullet through his temple
. . . and she knew that she would then rejoice
within herself. It was all because he spoke so coolly
and deliberately and never said a kind word to her
now and never caressed her!
300 THINGS THAT PASS
" A hundred thousand guilders ! " she thought.
" It's a lot of money. Ah, I'd rather the dear good
man were still alive! And that now and then, in
that kind way of his, he gave me a couple of hundred
guilders. That's what I shall miss so terribly. It's
true, I have some money now; but I have nothing
else left!"
And she wrung her hands and sobbed again, for
she felt very lonely: the old man was dead; Hugh
at the Hague, but in his hotel; fortunately, Lot was
coming home that evening. . . .
CHAPTER XXIV
THEY arrived in the evening, on the day after the
funeral, Lot and Elly, tired from the journey and
out of harmony amid their actual sorrow. Aunt
Adele they were to stay in the Mauritskade did
not notice it at once; for she, after bearing up for
the last two days, had thrown herself sobbing in
Elly's arms, sobbing as Elly had never seen her;
and, when the sobs gave themselves free scope, her
nerves gave out and she fell in a faint.
' The mistress has had such a busy, upsetting
time," said Door; and Keetje confirmed it; and they
and Elly brought Aunt Adele round.
" I'm better, dear, it's nothing. Come, let's go
to the dining-room. I expect you two will be glad
of something to eat."
She was still sobbing, overwrought, but she
steadied herself with an effort. When they were
seated at dinner, she noticed Lot's and Elly's lack
of harmony.
"Was Grandpapa buried yesterday?" asked
Elly.
' Yes, dear. Dr. Thielens dared not wait any
longer."
" Then it was really superfluous for us to come
home," said Lot, irritably.
301
302 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
His lips trembled and there was a set hardness
in his usually gentle, pink-and-white face.
" We telegraphed to you to come," said Aunt
Adele, still crying, softly, " because Elly will have to
go into business-matters at once ..."
" Perhaps I might have come home by myself,"
said Elly, " for these matters of business. ..."
" Steyn is the executor," said Aunt Adele, gently,
"and he thought ..."
" Steyn? " asked Elly. " Why not Lot? "
" The old man had settled it so, dear. . . . He's
the husband of Mamma . . . who comes into
money too . . . with you . . ."
" Mamma? " asked Lot.
" Yes," said Aunt Adele, a little embarrassed.
They understood and asked no more questions,
but it was obvious that they were out of harmony;
their features looked both tired and hard.
" Mamma is coming this evening to see you,"
said Aunt Adele.
Elly shook her head:
" I'm dead-tired," she said. " I can't see Mamma
this evening. I'm going up to bed, Auntie."
" I'll see Mamma," said Lot.
Elly rose quickly and went upstairs. Aunt Adele
followed her; and Lot went to another room to
change his things. On the stairs, Elly began to
cry:
"Poor old Grandpapa!" she sobbed; and her
voice broke.
tTHINGS THAT PASS 303
They reached the bedroom. Aunt Adele helped
her undress.
"Are you so tired, dear?"
Elly nodded.
"Dear, is anything the matter? You've some-
thing so hard about your face, something I've never
seen there before. . . . Tell me, dear, you are
happy, aren't you? "
Elly gave a vague smile:
" Not quite as happy perhaps as I expected,
Auntie. . . . But, if I'm not, it's my own fault."
Aunt Adele asked nothing more. She thought of
the elated letters which had always given the old
man such pleasant moments and reflected how de-
ceptive letters could be.
Elly undressed and got into bed.
" I'll leave you to yourself, dear. ..."
But Elly took her hand, with a sudden tenderness
for the woman who had been a mother to her :
" Stay a little longer, Auntie . . . until Mamma
comes."
" Dear," said Aunt Adele, feeling her way,
"you're not put out, are you, because Mamma in-
herits her share too. She's his daughter, you
know. . . ."
* Yes, Auntie, I know that. No, Auntie, really
I'm not put out at that. I'm only tired, very tired
. . . because everything that we set ourselves to
do ... seems useless. . . ."
" Darling," said Aunt Adele, only half hearing,
304 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" I also ... am tired, I am worn out. Oh, I
wish I dared tell you ! . . . "
"What?"
" No, dear, no, I daren't."
"But what is it?"
" No, dear, I daren't. Not yet, not yet, perhaps
later. . . . Hark, there's the bell: that must be
Mamma. . . . Yes, I hear Steyn's voice too. . . .
I'd better go downstairs, dear. ..."
She left Elly, but was so much upset that down-
stairs she once more burst into tears. . . .
" Elly is so tired," she said to Ottilie, " she's gone
to bed: I should leave her alone to-day, if I were
you. ..."
But she herself was quite unhinged. She felt that
the terrible secret which she alone knew so she
thought weighed too heavily on her simple soul,
that she was being crushed by it, that she must tell
it, that she must share it with another. And she
said:
" Steyn, Steyn. . . . While Lot is talking to
his mother, don't you know, I'd like to speak to
you . . . if I may. ..."
" Certainly," said Steyn.
They left the room.
" Upstairs? " asked Steyn.
" Yes," said Aunt Adele, " in the old gentleman's
room."
She took him there: it was cold, but she lit the
gas.
THINGS THAT PASS 305
" Steyn," she said, " I'm sorry for what I've done.
I tidied up those papers a bit, there was such a
litter. And on the ground was a ... a letter, a
torn letter: the last one . . . which the old
gentleman meant to tear up. ... I don't know
how it happened, Steyn . . . but, without in-
tending to or knowing it, I . . .1 read that letter.
. . . I would give all the money in the world not
to have done it. I can't keep it to myself, all to my-
self. It's driving me crazy . . . and slowly
making me frightened . . . and nervous. . . .
See, here's the letter. I don't know if I'm doing
right. Perhaps I'd have done better just to tear the
letter up. ... After all, that was the old man's
wish. ..."
She gave him the four pieces.
" But then it will be best," said Steyn, " for me
to tear up the letter . . . and not read it. . . ."
And he made a movement as though to tear the
letter. But she stopped him:
" And leave me ... to carry about with me
. . . all by myself . . . something that I can't
speak of! No, no, read it, in Heaven's name . . .
for my sake, Steyn ... to share it with me. . . .,
Read it. ..."
Steyn read the letter.
Silence filled the room: a cold, lonely, wintry,
silence, with not a sound but that of the flaring gas.
From the faded characters of the frayed, yellow
letter, torn in part, rose hatred, passion, mad jubila-
3 o6 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
tion, mad agony of love and remorse for a night of
blood, an Indian mountain night, clattering with
torrents of rain. With all of that these two had
nothing to do; they were foreign to it; and yet the
Thing that was passing brushed against their bodies,
their souls, their lives. It made them start, reflect,
look each other shudderingly in the eyes, strangers
though they were to the Thing that was pass-
ing. . . .
" It is terrible," said Steyn. " And no one knows
it? . . ."
" No," said Aunt Adele, " no one knows it except
you and me. . . ."
But Steyn was not satisfied:
" We ought not to have read that letter," he said.
" I don't know how I came to do it," said Aunt
Adele. " Something impelled me to, I don't know
what. I'm not naturally inquisitive. I had the
pieces in my hand to tear them up still smaller. I
tore the two pieces into four. . . ."
Mechanically, Steyn tore the four pieces into
eight.
"What are you doing?" asked Aunt Adele.
" Destroying the letter," said Steyn.
" Wouldn't you let Lot . . . ? "
" No, no," said Steyn, " what does Lot want with
it? There! ..."
He tore up the letter and dropped the pieces, very
small, into the paper-basket.
Before his eyes shimmered pale-red the bygone
THINGS THAT PASS 307
passions that were strange to him; they loomed up
before him; and yet he saw the room, wintry-cold
and silently abandoned by the old man, with not a
sound in it save the flaring gas.
"Yes," said Aunt Adele, "perhaps it's better
that no one should know . . . except ourselves.
. . . Oh, Steyn, it has relieved me ... that
you should know, that you should know! . . .
Oh, how dreadful life is, for such things to hap-
pen!"
She wrung her hands, shook her head from side
to side.
"Come," said Steyn; and his great frame shud-
dered. " Come, let's go. ..."
Aunt Adele, trembling, turned out the gas.
They went downstairs.
The dark room remained wintry and silently
abandoned.
The letter lay in the basket, torn up very
small.
CHAPTER XXV
" OH dear! " said old Anna, with a sigh. " We can't
possibly keep it a secret from the mistress always ! "
She moaned and groaned and, raising her two
arms in the air, drove the cat back to the kitchen,
because the passage was full enough as it was: Ina
d'Herbourg had arrived with her daughter Lily van
Wely and two perambulators; one was pushed by
the little mother and the other by the nurse; and
Lily and the nurse now shoved the perambulators
into the morning-room, where Anna had made up
a good fire, to welcome the family; and, while Lily
and the nurse were busy, Ina talked to old Anna
about the old gentleman's death and Anna said that
her mistress had not the least idea of it, but that,
after all, that couldn't go on forever. . . .
"Oh, what darlings, what sweet little dots!"
said Anna, clasping her hands together. " And how
pleased the mistress will be that Mrs. Lily has come
to show her the babies! Yes, I'll let the old lady
know. . . ."
"Lily," said Ina, "you go first with Stefje; I'll
come up afterwards with little Netta."
Lily took the baby out of the perambulator. The
child whimpered a bit and crowed a bit; and the
dear, flaxen-haired little mother, with her very
308
THINGS THAT PASS 309
young little motherly laugh, carried it up the stairs.
Anna was holding the door open and the old
lady was looking out. She was sitting upright in
her high-backed chair, which was like a throne,
with the pillow straight behind her back. In the
light of the early winter afternoon, which filtered
through the muslin blinds past the red curtains
and over the plush valance, she seemed frailer than
ever; and her face, brightened with a smile of ex-
pectation, was like a piece of lined white porcelain,
but so vaguely seen under the even, hard-black,
just-suggested line of the wig and the little lace cap
that she did not seem to belong to the world of
living things. The ample black dress fell in supple
lines and hid her entirely in shadow-folds with
streaks of brighter light; and, now that Lily en-
tered with the baby, the old woman lifted from her
deep lap her trembling, mittened hands, with fingers
like slender wands, lifted them into a stiff and diffi-
cult gesture of caress and welcome. Long cracked
sounded the voice, still round and mellow with its
Indian accent:
" Well, child, that's a nice idea of yours, to bring
the little boy at last. . . . That's a nice idea.
. . . That's a nice idea. . . . Yes, let me have
a look at him. . . . Oh, what a sweet baby !"
Lily, to let Great-great-grandmother see the baby
well, had knelt down on a hassock and was holding
up the baby, which shrank back, a little startled at
the brittle, wrinkled face that made such an uncanny
310 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
patch in the crimson dusk; but its little mother was
able to hush it and it did not cry, only stared.
' Yes, Greatgranny," said Lily, " this is your
great-great-grandchild."
* Yes, yes," said the old woman, with her hands
still trembling in the air, in a vague gesture of hesi-
tating caress, " I'm a great-great-grandmamma.
. . . Yes, little boy, yes . . . I'm your great-
great-grandmother. . . ."
"And Netta's downstairs: I brought her too."
"Oh, your little girl! . . . Is she here too? "
"Yes, would you like to see her presently?"
" Yes, I want to see them both. . . . Both
together, together. . . ."
The little boy, hushed, looked with wondering
earnestness at the wrinkled face, looked with a wa-
vering glance of reflection and amazement, but did
not cry; and, even when the slender, wand-like finger
tickled him on his cheek, Lily was able to hush him
and keep him from crying. It was a diversion too
when Ina came upstairs with Netta on her arm: a
bundle of white and a little pink patch for a face
and two little drops of turquoise eyes, with a moist
little munching mouth; and Lily was afraid that the
little boy would start screaming and handed him to
the nurse at the door: fortunately, for on the land-
ing he opened his throat lustily, greatly perturbed
in his baby brain by his first sight of great age.
But the bundle of white and the little pink patch
with the two little drops of turquoise munched away
contentedly with the moist little mouth and was even
better-behaved than Stef je had been, so well-behaved
indeed that the old woman was allowed to take it
for a moment in her deep lap, though Lily remained
on her guard and kept her hands under it.
; ' That's made me very happy, dear," said the
old woman, " to have seen my great-great-grand-
children. Yes, Stef je is a fine little man . . . and
Netta is a darling, Netta is a darling. . ."
It was time to say good-bye; and Lily carried
off the pink-patched bundle of white, saying, in her
laughing, young-motherly way, that the children
must go home. Ina sat down.
" It has really made me happy," the old woman
repeated, " to have seen that young life. For I
have been very sad lately, Ina. It must be quite ten
days since I saw Mr. Takma."
" No, Granny, it's not so long as that."
" How long has he been ill then? "
" Six days, seven perhaps."
" I thought it was quite ten days. And Dr.
Roelofsz comes so seldom too. . . . Yes, that
chair by the window . . . has been empty now a
whole week. ... I thought it was ten days. . . .
It's cold, raw weather, isn't it? . . .1 don't feel
it in here. . . . But, oh, even if that gets better
. . . it will take a very long time . . . and
Mr. Takma won't come again this winter! . . ."
Her dry old eyes did not weep, but her cracked
voice wept. Ina could not find much more to say,
3 i2 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
but she did not want to go away yet. She had come
with the children, in the hope of hearing something
perhaps at Grandmamma's. . . . She still did
not know. She still knew nothing; and there was
so much to know. There was first the great Some-
thing, that which had happened sixty years ago:
Grandmamma must know about it, but she dared
not broach the Something at Grandmamma's, afraid
lest she should be touching upon the very Past. If
it was anything, then it might make the old woman
ill, might cause her sudden death. . . . No, Ina
looked forward in particular to seeing any one
who might call that afternoon, to having talks in
the morning-room downstairs, for there were more
things to know: how much Elly had come into;
and whether Aunt Ottilie had also come in for her
share. . . . All this was hovering in vagueness:
she could not get to the bottom of it; she must
manage to get to the bottom of it that afternoon.
. . . So she sat on quietly; and the old lady, who
did not like being alone, thought it pleasant when
she made an occasional remark. But, when it lasted
too long before any one else came, Ina got up,
said good-bye, went downstairs, chatted a bit with
Anna and even then did not go, but sat down in the
morning-room and said:
" Sit down too, Anna."
And the old servant sat down respectfully on
the edge of a chair; and they talked about the old
man:
THINGS THAT PASS 313
" Mrs. Elly is well-off, now," said Ina. " Don't
you know how much the old gentleman left?"
But Anna knew nothing, merely thought and
said so with a little wink that Mrs. Ottilie would
be sure to get something too. But there was a ring
at the door; and it was Stefanie de Laders, tripping
along very nervously :
"Doesn't Mamma know yet?" she whispered,
after Anna had returned to the kitchen.
" No," said Ina, " Grandmamma doesn't know,
but she sits looking so mournfully at Mr. Takma's
empty chair."
"Is there no one with her?"
11 No, only the companion."
" I have a great piece of news," said Stefanie.
Ina pricked up her ears; and her whole being
was thrilled.
"What, Aunt?"
" Only think, I've had a letter from Therese . . ."
'* From Aunt Therese in Paris? ..."
" Yes, from Aunt van der Staff. She's coming to
the Hague. She writes that she felt something
urging her, something impelling her, while she was
saying her prayers we know those Roman Catholic
prayers ! something impelling her to come to the
Hague and see Mamma. She hasn't seen Mamma
for years. She hasn't been to the Hague for years,
which wasn't at all the thing. . . . What does she
want to come here for now, exciting Mamma per-
haps, with her popery, in her old age I "
3 i4 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
It was a very great piece of news and Ina's
usually weary, well-bred eyes glistened.
"What! Is Aunt Therese coming here?"
It was a most important piece of news.
"Could she know anything?" asked Ina.
"What about?"
" Well, about you know what we were talking
of the other day: what Papa has known for sixty
years . . . and Uncle Daan. ..."
Aunt Stefanie made repeated deprecatory gestures
with her hand:
" I don't know . . . whether Aunt Therese
knows anything about it. But what I do know, Ina,
is that I mean to keep my soul clear of any sins and
improper things that may have happened in the
past. It's difficult enough to guard one's soul in
the present. No, dear, no, I won't hear any more
about it."
She closed her beady bird's-eyes and shook her
nodding bird's-head until her little old-lady's toque
jigged all askew on her scanty hair; and she almost
stumbled over the cat before she hoisted herself
upstairs, jolting and stamping, to go to her
mother.
Ina remained irresolute. She went into the
kitchen. Anna said:
"Oh, is that you, ma'am? Are you staying a
little longer?"
' Yes . . . Mrs. Ottilie may come presently.
,. ; . I want to speak to her."
THINGS THAT PASS 315
It was quite likely, thought Anna, that Mrs.
Ottilie would come to-day. But, when there was a
ring at the front-door, she looked out of the window
and cried:
"No, it's Mr. Daan. ..."
Daan Dercksz stuck his parroty profile through
the door of the morning-room, nervously, and, on
seeing Ina, said:
" I've brought bad news ! "
" Bad news ! " cried Ina, pricking up her ears
again. " What is it, Uncle? "
" Dr. Roelofsz is dead."
"Oh, no!"
" Yes," said Uncle Daan to Ina, staring at him
in dismay, and Anna, standing with the cat among
her petticoats. " Dr. Roelofsz is dead. An apo-
plectic stroke. . . . They sent round to me first,
because my pension was nearest. ... It seems
he took Takma's death very much to heart."
" It's dreadful," said Ina. " How is Grand-
mamma to be told? It will be such a blow to her.
And she doesn't even know of Mr. Takma's
death. ..."
" Yes, it's very difficult. . . . I've sent word to
your father and I expect him here any minute ; then
we can talk over what we are to do and say. Per-
haps somebody else will come to-day. . . ."
" Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear ! " sighed Anna.
She looked at the stove, which was burning rather
low, and, reflecting that perhaps there would be a
316 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
good many using the morning-room that day, she
shook the cinder-drawer: the fire began to glow be-
hind the mica panes.
" Ah me ! " cried Ina. " Grandmamma won't
survive them long now. . . . Uncle, do you know
that Aunt Therese is coming to the Hague? Aunt
Stefanie has had a letter. . . . Oh, if only she
arrives in time to see Grandmamma! . . . Oh,
what a terrible winter ! . . . And Papa is looking
so depressed. . . . Uncle," she said Anna had
gone back to the kitchen, moaning and groaning
and stumbling over the cat "Uncle, tell me: why
has Papa been so depressed . . . ever since you
came back to Holland? "
"Since I came back to Holland, dear? . . . "
' Yes, Uncle. There's something that brought
you back to Holland . . . something that's made
Papa so terribly depressed."
" I don't know, dear, I don't know. ..."
" Yes, you do. . . . I'm not asking out of
curiosity, I'm asking for Papa's sake ... to help
him ... to relieve him ... if he's in trouble.
. . . It may be business-matters ..."
" No, dear, it's not business-matters. . . ."
"Well, then, whatsit?"
" Why, dear, it's nothing, nothing at all."
" No, Uncle Daan, there's something"
" But then why not ask your father?"
" Papa refuses to speak about it."
" Then why should / speak about it? " cried Daan
THINGS THAT PASS 317
Dercksz, put on his guard by Ina's slip of the tongue.
" Why should / speak about it, Ina? There may be
something . . . business-matters, as you say
. . . but it'll be all right. Yes, really, Ina, don't
alarm yourself: it's all right."
He took refuge in a feigned display of indigna-
tion, pretended to think her much too curious about
those business-matters and scratched the back of his
head.
Ina's eyes assumed their well-bred, weary express-
ion:
" Uncle, other people's money-matters are le
molndre de mes soucis. ... I was only asking
you for an explanation . . . because of my love
for my father."
' You're a good daughter to your father, we all
know that, all of us. ... Ah, there he is: he's
ringing! "
And, before Anna had time to go to the door, he
had let Harold Dercksz in.
" Do you mean to say that Dr. Roelofsz is dead? "
asked Harold.
He had received Daan's note after Ina had gone
out to take Lily's children to their great-great-grand-
mother.
" Yes," said Daan, " he's dead."
Harold Dercksz sank into a chair, his face twisted
with pain.
" Papa, are you ill? " cried Ina.
" NO, dear, it's only a little more pain . , , than
3 i8 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
usual. . . . It's nothing, nothing at all. . . .
Is Dr. Roelofsz dead?"
He saw before his eyes that fatal night of pour-
ing rain: saw himself, a little fellow of thirteen,
saw that group of three carrying the body and heard
his mother crying:
" Oh, my God, no, not in the river! "
The day after, Dr. Roelofsz had held an inquest
on his father's body and certified death by drown-
ing.
"Is Dr. Roelofsz dead?" he repeated. "Does
Mamma know? "
" Not yet," said Daan Dercksz. " Harold, you
had better tell her."
"I?" said Harold Dercksz, with a start. "I?
I can't do it. ... It would mean killing my
mother. . . . And I can't kill my mother. ..."
And he stared before him. . . .
He saw the Thing. . . .
It passed, spectral in trailing veils of mist, which
gathered round its slowly, slowly moving form; the
leaves rustled; and ghosts threatened to appear
from behind the silent trees, to stop the Thing's
progress. . . . For, once his mother was dead,
the Thing would sink into the abyss. . . .
" I can't kill my mother ! " Harold Dercksz
repeated; and his martyred face became drawn with
torturing pain.
He clasped his hands convulsively. . . .
" And yet some one will have to tell her," Ina
THINGS THAT PASS 319
muttered to Anna, who stood beside her, mumbling,
speaking to herself, utterly distraught.
But there was a ring at the bell. She went to
the door. It was Anton : this was the day when he
came to pay his mother his weekly visit.
" Is there any one with Mamma? "
" Aunt Stefanie," said Ina.
'What's happened?" he asked, seeing her con-
sternation.
" Dr. Roelofsz is dead."
"Dead?"
Daan Dercksz told him, in a few words.
" We've all got to die," he muttered. " But it's
a blow for Mamma."
' We were just discussing, Uncle, who had better
tell her," said Ina. " Would you mind? "
" I'd rather not," said Anton Dercksz, sullenly.
No, they had better settle that among themselves :
he was not the man to meddle in tiresome things
that didn't concern him. What did it all matter to
him! He called once a week, to see his mother:
that was his filial duty. For the rest, he cared
nothing for the whole pack of them! . . . As it
was, Stefanie had been bothering him more than
enough of late, trying to persuade him to leave his
money to his godchild, the Van Welys' little Netta ;
and he had no mind to do anything of the sort: he
would rather pitch his money into the gutter. With
Harold and Daan, who did business in India to-
gether and were intimate for that reason, he had
320 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
never had much to do : they were just like strangers
to him. Ina he couldn't stand, especially since
D'Herbourg had helped him out of a mess, in
the matter of that little laundry-girl. He didn't
care a hang for the whole crew. What he liked best
was to sit at home smoking his pipe and reading
and picturing to himself, in fantasies of sexual
imagination, pleasant, exciting events which had hap-
pened in this or that remote past. . . . But this
was something that no one knew about. Those
were his secret gardens, in which he sat all alone,
wreathed in the smoke that filled his room, enjoying
and revelling in indescribable private luxuries.
Since he had become so very old that he allowed
himself to be tempted into futile imprudent acts, as
with the laundry-girl, he preferred to keep quiet,
in his clouds of smoke, and to evoke the lascivious
gardens which he never disclosed and where no one
was likely to look for him. And so he chuckled with
secret contentment, brooding ever more and more in
his thoughts as he grew older and older; but he
merely said, repeating his words:
" No, I'd rather not. . . . It's very sad. . . .
Is no one upstairs except Stefanie? Then I may
as well go up too, Anna. ..."
He moved towards the stairs. . . .
Could Uncle Anton know anything, Ina won-
dered, with fierce curiosity. He was so sullen al-
ways, so reserved; no doubt he kept what he knew
to himself. Should she go and ask him? And, while
THINGS THAT PASS 321
her father, sitting on his chair in pain, was still dis-
cussing with Uncle Daan which of them had better
tell the old lady that Dr. Roelofsz was dead, Ina
hurried after her uncle in the passage Anna had
gone back to the kitchen and whispered:
" Tell me, Uncle. What was it that hap-
pened?"
" Happened ? When ? " asked Anton.
" Sixty years ago. . . . You were a boy of fif-
teen then. . . . Something happened then
that ..."
He looked at her in amazement:
;< What are you talking about?" he asked.
" Something happened," she repeated. " You
must remember. Something that Papa and Uncle
Daan know, something that Papa has always known,
something that brought Uncle Daan to Hol-
land. ..."
" Sixty years ago? " said Anton Dercksz.
He looked her in the eyes. The suddenness of
her question had given such a shock to his self-
centred, brooding brain that he suddenly saw the
past of sixty years ago and clearly remembered that
he had always thought that there must be some-
thing between his mother and Takma, something
that they kept concealed between themselves. He
had always felt this when, full of awe, almost hesi-
tatingly, he approached his mother, once a week,
and found old Takma sitting opposite her, starting
nervously with that muscular jerk of his neck and
322 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
seeming to listen for something. . . . Sixty years
io;o? . . . Something must, something must have
h-ippened. And, in his momentary clearness of
vision, he almost saw the Thing, divined its presence,
unveiled his father's death, sixty years ago, was
wafted almost unconsciously towards the truth, with
the sensitive perspicacity lasting but a second
of an old man who, however much depraved, had
in his very depravity sharpened his cerebral powers
and often read the past correctly.
"Sixty years ago?" he repeated, looking at Ina
with his bleared eyes. "And what sort of thing
could it be?"
" Can't you remember?"
She was all agog with curiosity; her eyes flashed
into his. He hardly knew her, with all her well-
bred weariness of expression gone; and he couldn't
endure her at any time and he hated D'Herbourg
and he said:
" Can't I remember? Well, yes, if I think hard, I
may remember something. . . . You're right: I
was a lad of fifteen then. . . .
" Do you remember " Ina turned and looked
down the passage, looked at the open door of the
morning-room, saw her father's back huddled into
a despondent curve " do you remember . . .
Grandmamma's baboef "
" Yes, certainly," said Anton Dercksz, " I re-
member her."
"Ma-Boeten?"
THINGS THAT PASS 323
" I daresay that was her name."
" Did she know anything? "
" Did she know anything? Very likely, very
likely. . . . Yes, I expect she knew. ..."
" What was it, Uncle? Papa is so depressed: I'm
not asking out of curiosity. . . ."
He grinned. He did not know; he had only
guessed something, for the space of a second, and
had always suspected something between his mother
and Takma, something that they hid together, while
they waited and waited. But he grinned with pleas-
ure because Ina wanted to know and because she was
not going to know, at least not through him, how-
ever much she might imagine that he knew. He
grinned and said:
" My dear, there are things which it is better not
to know. It doesn't do to know everything that
happened . . . sixty years ago. . . ."
And he left her, went slowly up the stairs, re-
flecting that Harold and Daan knew what the hidden
Something was, the Something which Mamma and
Takma had kept hidden between themselves for
years and years. . . . The doctor had also known
it, probably. . . . The doctor was dead, Takma
was dead, but Mamma did not know that yet . . .
and Mamma now had the hidden Thing to herself.
. . . But Harold knew where it lay and Daan
also knew where it lay . . . and Ina was looking
for it. ...
He grinned on the landing upstairs before he
3 2 4 THINGS THAT PASS
went in to his mother; he could hear Stefanie's
grating voice inside.
" //' he said to himself, " don't care a hang for
the whole crew. As long as they leave me alone,
with my pipe and my books, I don't care a hang for
the whole pack of them . . . even though I do
come and see my mother once a week. . . . And
what she is keeping to herself and what she did with
Takma, sixty years ago, I don't care a curse about
either; that's her business, their business maybe
. . . but my business it is not."
He entered and, when he saw his mother, preter-
naturally old and frail in the red dusk of the cur-
tains, he hesitated and went up to her, full of
awe. . . ...
CHAPTER XXVI
THERE was another ring; and Anna, profoundly
moved by the death of Dr. Roelofsz and moaning,
"Oh dear, oh dear!" opened the door to Ottilie
Steyn de Weert and Adele Takma. Ina came out
to them in the passage. They did not know of the
doctor's death; and, when they heard and saw Daan
and Harold in the morning-room, there was a ge-
neral outcry subdued, because of Mamma upstairs
and cross-questioning, a melancholy dismay and
confusion, a consulting one with another what had
best be done: whether to tell Mamma or keep it
from her. . . .
' We can't keep it from her for ever," said
Ottilie Steyn. " Mamma doesn't even know about
Mr. Takma . . . and now there's this on top of
it ! Oh, it's terrible, terrible ! Adele, are you going
up?"
" No," said Adele Takma, shrinking, in this
house, now that she knew. " No, Ottilie, I must
go home, Mamma will have plenty of visitors with-
out me."
She shrank from seeing the old lady, now that
she knew; and, though she had walked to the house
and walked in with Ottilie Steyn, she would not go
upstairs.
325
326 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" Ottilie," said Daan Dercksz to his sister, "you
had better tell her ... about Dr. Roelofsz."
"I?" said Ottilie Steyn, with a start.
But, at that moment, some one appeared in the
street outside and looked in through the window.
' There's Steyn," said Harold, dejectedly.
Steyn rang and was shown in. No one had ever
seen him in so great a rage. He vouchsafed no
greetings and marched straight up to his wife:
" I thought I should find you here," he growled
at her, in his deep voice. " I've seen your son, who
came over from London with you."
Ottilie drew herself up:
"Well?"
" Why need the arrival of that young gentleman
be kept as a surprise for me to come across in the
street?"
" Why should I tell you that Hugh came with
me?"
" And what has he come for? "
"What has that to do with you? Ask him, if
you want to know."
" When he makes his appearance, it's for money."
" Very well, then it's for money. Not your
money, at any rate ! . . . "
They looked each other in the eyes, but Steyn
did not want to go on discussing money, because
Ottilie had inherited a part of Mr. Takma's. Hugh
Trevelley scented money, whenever there was any
about; and it was not that Steyn looked upon his
THINGS THAT PASS 327
wife's money as his own, but, as old Takma's execu-
tor, he thought it a shame that his wife's son should
be after it so soon. . . . He ceased speaking and
his eyes alone betrayed his hatred; but Harold took
his hand and said:
" Frans, Dr. Roelofsz is dead."
" Dead? " echoed Steyn, aghast.
Ina stared and pricked up her ears again. The
afternoon had indeed been full of news. Even
though she did not know about That, she was
hearing other things : she had heard of the doctor's
sudden death, heard that Aunt Therese was coming
from Paris, heard that Hugh Trevelley was at the
Hague. And now she had very nearly heard about
the old gentleman's money. He must have left
Aunt Ottilie something, but how much? Was it a
big legacy? . . . Yes, the afternoon had really
been crammed with news; and her eyes forgot to
look weary and glistened like the glowing eyes of
a basilisk. . . .
But the brothers were consulting Steyn: what
did he think? Tell Mamma of Dr. Roelofsz'
death, or keep it from her? . . . They reflected
in silence. Out of doors, it suddenly began to pour
with rain, a numbing rain ; the wind blew, the clouds
lowered. Indoors, the red light of the stove, burn-
ing with a sound of gentle crackling behind the mica
panes, gleamed through the falling dusk. Meanwhile
the Thing passed . . . and stared at Harold,
stared into his eyes, which were almost closed with
328 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
pain. The Thing! Harold had known it since his
early boyhood; Daan had known it for a few months
and had come home from India, to his brother,
because of it; upstairs, because of the old woman,
who knew it, Stefanie and Anton both guessed it,
but both refused to know it, lest they should be dis-
turbed in the pursuit of their own lives; but down-
stairs Adele and Steyn also knew it, because of the
letter torn into two, four, eight pieces, the letter
which the old man had been unable to destroy. In
Paris, Therese, who was coming to Holland, knew
it; in India, the mantri knew it. ... But no one
spoke of the Thing . . . which was passing; and
Harold and Daan did not know that Adele and
Steyn knew; and none of them knew that Therese
in Paris knew; and Steyn and Adele did not know
that the mantri in India knew, that Daan knew and
that Harold had known so long. . . . But Ina
knew about the mantri and knew that there was
something, though she knew nothing about Adele
and Steyn and never for a moment suspected that
they knew. . . . No one spoke of the Thing and
yet the shadow of the Thing was all around them,
trailing its veil of mist. . . . But the one who
knew nothing at all and guessed nothing was Ottilie
Steyn, wholly and sorrowfully absorbed in the
melancholy of her own passing life: a life of adula-
tion and fond admiration and passion, the tribute of
men. She had been the beautiful Lietje; now she
was an old woman and hated her three husbands, but
THINGS THAT PASS 329
she hated Steyn most! And, perhaps because she
was so much outside the Thing's sphere, Harold
gently took her hand and, obeying an unconscious
impulse, said:
4 Yes, Ottilie, you . . . you must tell Mamma
that Dr. Roelofsz is dead. It will be a great blow
to her, but we cannot, we must not keep it from her.
.... As for Takma's death, ah, Mamma will
soon understand that, without any telling! . . ."
His soft voice calmed the dismay and confusion;
and Ottilie said:
" If you think, Harold, that I can tell her, I will
go upstairs and try ... I'll try and tell her.
. . . But, if I can't do it, in the course of conver-
sation, then I won't . . . then I simply will not
tell her. ..."
She went upstairs, innocent as a child: she did not
know. She did not know that her mother, more
than sixty years ago, had taken part in a murder,
which that old deaf doctor had helped her to hush
up. She knew that Takma was her father, but not
that he, together with her mother, had murdered the
father of her brothers, the father of her sister
Therese. She went upstairs; and, when she entered
the drawing-room, Stefanie and Anton rose to go,
so that Mamma might not have too many visitors
at a time.
For that matter, it did not tire the old woman
to chat or to sit with a visitor in cosy silence for a
little while so long as the " children " did not all
330 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
come at once. She was still slightly elated with the
young life which she had seen, with Lily van Wely's
babies. She had talked about them to Stefanie and
Anton, not knowing that the babies were their god-
children: no one had told her that; and she really
thought that little Netta's name was Ottilitje and
spoke of little Lietje: they knew whom she meant.
Ottilie Steyn was left alone with her mother.
She did not speak much, but sat beside her mother,
who had taken her hand. . . . Ah, she herself
felt touched ! There, in that empty chair, at which
the old woman kept staring, old Mr. Takma would
never sit again. . . . Her father! She had
loved him as a daughter loves her father! She
was inheriting a hundred thousand guilders from
him; but never again would he put a hundred-
guilder note in her hand, in that kind way of his.
It was as though the old woman guessed some of
her daughter's thoughts, for she said, with a move-
ment of her hand towards the chair:
" Old Mr. Takma is ill."
" Yes," said Ottilie Steyn.
The old woman shook her head mournfully:
" I don't expect I shall see him again this winter."
"He will get well again. . . ."
" But even so he will not be allowed out. . . ."
" No," said Ottilie, feebly. " Perhaps not,
Mamma. ..."
She was holding the brittle, slender, wand-like old
fingers in hers. . . . Downstairs, she knew, the
1
THINGS THAT PASS 331
brothers were waiting; Stefanie probably also; Ina
too. . . . Adele Takma had gone.
" Mamma," she said, all of a sudden, "do you
know that somebody else is ill? "
"No, who?"
" Dr. Roelofsz."
" Roelofsz? Yes, I haven't seen him . . . I
haven't seen him for the last two days."
" Mamma," said Ottilie Steyn, turning her sor-
rowful little face it was still a pretty face, with
blue, child-like eyes to her mother, " it's very sad,
but . . ."
No, she simply could not say it. She tried to
withdraw her sentence, not to complete it; but the
old woman had at once seized the meaning of those
few words:
" He's dead? " she asked, quickly.
Her voice cut through Ottilie Steyn. She had
not the strength to utter a denial: with a heart-
rending smile on her face she nodded yes.
" A-ah ! " sighed the old woman, overwhelmed.
And she stared at Takma's chair. Her old, dried-
up eyes did not weep; they merely stared, intensely.
She remained sitting straight up in her chair. The
past heaved up before her eyes; there was a great
buzzing all around her. But she remained sitting
upright and staring before her.
" When did he die? " she asked, at last.
Ottilie Steyn told her, in a very few words. She
was crying, not her mother. The old, old woman
332 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
saw herself as she was, more than sixty years ago.
It was then that she had given herself to Roelofsz,
so that he should not speak. . . . He had not
spoken. . . . He had remained her friend,
loyally, for all those long, long years, had shared
the hideous burden of the past with her and Takma.
. . . No, he had never spoken . . . and they
had grown so very old, without . . . without
anybody knowing. . . . Nobody knew it, not one
of her children. . . . People had talked some-
times, in the old days, had whispered terrible
things: that was past. . . . Everything passed,
everything passed. . . . Nobody knew, except
Takma himself, now that poor Roelofsz was dead.
He had exacted a high price . . . but he had
always remained loyal. . . .
Ottilie Steyn was crying, said nothing more, held
her mother's hand. . . . It had grown very dark:
the companion came in, to light the lamp. . . .
The wind howled dismally; the rain dashed against
the window-panes; a clammy dampness gave Ottilie
an unpleasant sensation, as of something chilly
passing over her in that room with its scanty fire,
because the old woman could no longer bear a great
heat. The hanging lamp above the table in the
middle of the room cast down a circle of light;
the rest of the room remained in shadow: the walls,
the chair, the empty chair opposite. The companion
had gone, when the old woman asked, suddenly :
" And and Mr. Takma, Ottilie ? "
THINGS THAT PASS 333
"Yes, Mamma? ..."
"Is . . . is he ill, also? . . ."
The daughter was startled by the expression on
her mother's face; the dark eyes stared wide. . . .
" Mamma, Mamma, what's the matter? "
" Is he ill . . . or is he . . . also ..."
"111? Yes, he's ill too, Mamma. ..."
She did not finish. . . .
Her mother was staring in front of her, staring
at the empty chair opposite, in the shadow against
the wall. Ottilie grew frightened; for her mother,
stiffly and laboriously, now lifted a trembling arm
from her lap and pointed with a slender, wand-like
finger. . . .
" Mamma, Mamma, what is it? . . ."
The old woman stared and pointed, stared and
pointed at the empty chair.
" There . . . the-there! " she stammered.
" There! "
And she continued to stare and point. She said
nothing, but she saw. She did not speak, but she
saw. Slowly she stood up, still staring, still point-
ing, and shrank back, slowly, very slowly. . . .
Ottilie rang the bell, twice; the companion rushed
into the room at once; from below came sounds of
confusion, faint exclamations, Anna's " Oh dear,
oh dear, oh dear!" and whispering voices. Ina,
Daan and Stefanie came upstairs. But they did not
enter the room; the companion made a sign that it
was not necessary. . . .
334 THINGS THAT PASS
The old woman's stiff arm fell slowly to her side,
as she stood. . . . But she was still staring and
shrinking back, slowly. . . .
She no longer seemed to see Ottilie in her horror
at what she did see. And all that she said, with
unseeing eyes, though the rest of her consciousness
remained, was:
"To bed! . . . To bed! . . ."
She said it as though she were very, very tired.
They put her to bed, Anna and the companion. She
remained silent, with her thin lips pressed together
and her eyes still staring. Her heart had seen and
. . . she knew. She knew that he, Takma, Emile
the man whom she had loved above everything,
above everybody, in the dead, dead years that he
was dead, that he was dead. . . .
CHAPTER XXVII
" COME," said Lot, gently, one morning, sitting
with Elly in the sitting-room where he came so
often to chat and have tea with her in the old days
before they were married, " come, let us talk sen-
sibly. It put both of us out to be dragged back
from Italy, from our work, while very foolishly
we never thought that this might easily happen
one day. Dear old Grandpapa was so very old!
We thought that he would live for ever! . . .
But now that we are here, Elly, and Steyn has told
us that all the affairs are settled, we may as well
come to a sensible decision. You don't want to
stay in this house; and it is, no doubt, too big, too
gloomy, too old. . . . To live with Mamma
. . . well, I did hint at it the other day, but
Mamma talked of it so vaguely, as though she really
didn't much care about it. ... Now that Hugh
is with her she's quite ' off ' me : it's Hugh here
and Hugh there. It was always like that: it was
like that in ' Mr.' Trevelley's time, when I was a
boy and Hugh a child. John and Mary didn't
count for much either; and it's just the same now.
. . . So we won't talk of setting up house to-
gether. . . . But what shall we do, Elly? Look
out for a smaller house and settle down? Or go
335
336 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
abroad again, go back to Italy? . . . You en-
joyed it, after all, and we were working together
so pleasantly. . . . We were very happy there,
weren't we, Elly? "
His voice sounded gentle, as it always did, but
there was a note almost of entreaty in it now. His
nature, his fair-haired person was he not turn-
ing a little grey at the temples? lacked physical
vitality and concealed no passionate soul; but there
was a great gentleness in him: under that touch of
laughing bitterness and vanity and superficial
cynicism he was kind and indulgent to others, with
no violent longings for himself. Under his feminine
soul lay the philosophy of an artist who contem-
plates everything around and within himself without
bursting into vehemence and violence about anything
whatever. He had asked Elly to be his wife, per-
haps upon her own unspoken suggestion that she
needed him in her work and in her life; and, often
in jest and once in a way in earnest, he had asked
himself why he was getting married, why he had
got married and whether liberty and independence
did not suit him better. But, since he had seen his
sister's happiness with Aldo at Nice and had also
felt his own, softer-tinted happiness, very fervent
and very true in his wistfully-smiling, neutral-tinted
soul, which withdrew itself almost in panic under
his fear of old age; since he had been able to seize
the moment, carefully, as he would have seized a
precious butterfly: since then it had all remained
THINGS THAT PASS 337
like that, since then his still, soft happiness had
remained with him as something very serious and
very true, since then he had come to love Elly as
he never thought that he could love any one. And
it had been a joy to him to roam about Italy with
Elly, to watch her delight in that beautiful past
which lay so artistically dead and, on returning to
Florence, to plunge at her instance into ( earnest
studies of the Medici period. How they had rooted
and ransacked together, taking notes as they
worked; how he had written in the evenings, feeling
so utterly, so fondly happy in their sitting-room
at the pension where they stayed ! Two lamps, one
beside Elly, one beside himself, shed a light over
their papers and books; vases of fragrant flowers
surrounded them; photographs pinned to the walls
shadowed back the beauties of the museums in the
gathering dusk. But, amid the beauties of that
land and of that art, amid his happiness, amid
the sunshine, an indolence had stolen over him; he
often proposed a trip into the country, a drive, a
walk to Fiesole, to Ema; he l!^ved looking at the
life of the people in the street, smiling at it with
gladness: the Archives were cold and dusty; and he
simply could not keep on working so regularly. And
in the evening he would gaze across the Arno and
sit blissfully smoking his cigarette at the window,
until Elly also shut up her books and the Medicis
drifted away in the changing lights of early evening
outside and grew indistinct. . . .,
338 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
He had at first not noticed her disappointment.
When he did, he was unwilling to pain her and he
went back to his research. But he did it against the
grain. That regular work did not suit him. It
tired his brain; behind his forehead he plainly felt
a reluctancy, a barrier that prevented something
from entering . . . just as he had felt when, at
school, he had to do a sum and failed, twice and
thrice over. ... In addition, he was burning
to write ephemeral essays : he had a superabundance
of material, about the Medicis, about Benozzo
Gozzoli's frescoes at the Palazzo Riccardi, for in-
stance. . . . Oh, to write an essay like that from
afar, all aglow, with azure jewels and gold! But
he dared not write the article, because Elly had once
said:
" Don't go cutting up into articles all that we have
discovered."
As for Elly, she devoted herself earnestly and
with masculine perseverance to her research and
felt almost an inner inclination herself to write their
book, a fine, serious historical study; but she under-
stood that her art alone would not suffice for it.
Whereas she thought that Lot had only to wish it
and that they would then turn out something very
good between them. . . . But Lot felt that
indolence impairing his powers more and more,
felt his reluctance, like an impeding, resisting
barrier, drawn right across his forehead; and one
morning he said, a little nervously, that it was im-
THINGS THAT PASS 339
possible for him, that it was too difficult for him,
that he couldn't do it. She had not insisted; but
a great disappointment had come over her and yet
she had remained gentle and kind and had answered
lightly and not betrayed the depth of her disap-
pointment. . . . The books now remained closed,
the notes under the paper-weights; and there was
no more question of the Medicis. It produced a
void about them, but Lot nevertheless felt happy and
remained true to that soft blissfulness which had
come to him smilingly and which cast a soft gloss
over both his worldly cynicism and the overhanging
dread. But Elly's disappointment increased and be-
came a great sorrow to her, greater even, she
thought, than the sorrow which she had felt as a
young girl at her broken engagement, at the loss of
the man whom she had first loved. She was a
woman to suffer more for another than for herself;
and she suffered because she could not rouse Lot to
great things. Her love for Lot, after her emotional
passion for another, was very intellectual, more that
of a cultured woman than of a woman all heart and
senses. She did not see this so plainly herself; but
her disappointment was very great that she could
not lead Lot on to do great work; and the void
around her widened, whereas he, in tne beauty of
the land that was dear to him, in his gentle happi-
ness, just felt the void around himself shrinking
into a perspective in which his eyes wandered
dreamily. . . . Not a bitter word was spoken
340 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
between them; but, when they sat together, Elly
felt herself grow very aimless. She was not of
a contemplative mind. That wandering through
Italian cities, that pleasant rambling among the
beauties of the museums did not satisfy her, to whom
action was a real and positive need. Her fingers had
a nervous tremor of aimlessness between the pages
of her Baedeker. She could not be always admiring
and musing and existing in that way. She must act.
She must devote herself. And she longed for a
child. . . . And yet a child, or perhaps several
children, while not bringing unhappiness, would not
bring happiness either; for she knew that, even if
she had children, she would not find sufficient satis-
faction for her activity in educating them and bring-
ing them up : she would do it as a loving duty, but
it would not fill her life. She felt that almost mascu-
line call within her, to strive as far as she could.
If her limit was reached, well, then she would go no
farther. But to strive to that limit, to perform her
task as far as her nature demanded ! . . . And
she spoke to Lot in this sense. He did not know
how to answer her, did not understand her and felt
that something was escaping him. It never came to
bitter words, but on both sides there were little
thrills and counterthrills, after the first harmonious
soft billowing over them both. . . .
This sudden journey home, though causing an
abrupt distraction, had, because of its relative
futility, intensified Elly's feeling that she was out of
THINGS THAT PASS 341
tune with things. She had loved the old man, as a
father more than a grandfather, but she was too
late to see him on his deathbed and the business-
matters could have been arranged by power of at-
torney.
' Yes, but we're here now," said Lot, " and we
must have a talk like sensible people. . . . Shall
we go back to Italy, Elly? "
"No, Lot, I'm glad I saw the place, with you;
why go back at once and try to repeat . . . ? "
" Settle down here at the Hague? Go and live
in the country, when the winter is over?"
She looked at him because she heard the note of
entreaty in his voice : he was entreating her because
he felt something escape him . . . and she sud-
denly felt pity for him. She flung herself on his
breast, threw her arms round him:
"My dear, darling boy!" she said. "I am so
absolutely devoted to you."
" And I to you, Elly dearest. ... I love you
more than I thought I could love anybody. Oh,
Elly, let us keep this feeling! Don't let us be
irritable. . . . You see, there has never been an
unkind word between us, but still I feel something
in you, a dissatisfaction. . . . Is it because . . ."
"Because what, Lot?"
" Because I'can't do . . . as much as you would
like me to? . . . We were working together so
pleasantly; and the work we did is not wasted . . .
that sort of work is never wasted. . . . But, you
342 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
know, darling, to do it as you would have me do it
. . . is beyond me : I am not so thorough as that.
I am a writer for the magazines, a dilettante, not an
historian. Mine is an ephemeral talent and all that
I create is ephemeral: it always was. . . . Take
it like that. ..."
" Yes, Lot, I do take it like that. I am no longer
distressed . . . about our poor Medicis."
u You'll see, I shall make a series of articles out
of our researches: really, something quite good.
A series : they'll follow on one another. ..."
" Yes, do it that way."
" But then you must interest yourself in it."
" That I certainly shall."
" And now let us talk about what we shall do,
where we shall live."
; ' We'd better not settle down. . . . Stay here,
until the house is sold, and then ..."
" Very well, then we can see."
" Yes."
" We haven't seen Grandmamma yet. Shall we
go this afternoon?"
" I don't believe that she has been up since, but
we can go and ask."
She gave him an affectionate kiss. It was as an
atonement after what had clashed and thrilled
through them, without bitter words. She tried to
recollect herself, to force herself, in the empty
hunger of her soul. She loved Lot with all her
heart; she would devote herself to him . . . and
THINGS THAT PASS 343
perhaps later to his children. . . . That must be
enough to fill a woman's life. . . . She would
have her hobbies : she would take up her modelling
again; after all, the Beggar Boy was very good.
. . . That would certainly give completeness to
her life, so long as she was happy with her husband;
and that she was sure she was. She began to talk in
a livelier strain than at first: something seemed to
recover itself in her dejection. She would lead an
ordinary life, as a happy wife, a happy mother, and
cease longing for great, faraway things. . . . She
would give up striving for horizons difficult of ap-
proach, horizons that proved to be limits, so that
she had to go back after all.
She was gay at luncheon and Aunt Adele bright-
ened: the poor thing had been depressed lately
and walked with a stoop, as though bending under a
heavy load; she was sad also because she thought
that Lot and Elly were not quite happy. Aunt
Adele now freshened up, glad because lly was
more cheerful and looked brighter and was once
more talking with her restless volubility.
CHAPTER XXVIII
THAT afternoon, Lot and Elly went to Grand-
mamma's.
Since the evening when Mamma Ottilie had told
her of Dr. Roelofsz' death, the old woman had not
left her bed. Dr. Thielens called every day, declar-
ing that she was really remarkably well : she was not
suffering from any complaint whatever; she was
perhaps suffering from old age; her brain was per-
fectly clear; and he was amazed at that splendid
constitution, the constitution of a strong woman
who had possessed a great deal of blood and a
magnificent vitality.
When Anna opened the door in the Nassaulaan,
just as Lot and Elly rang, they found her talking
in the passage to Steyn.
" I've come to see how Mamma is," he was say-
ing.
"Do come in, please! " said Anna. "There's a
nice fire in the morning-room."
The old servant shooed the cat to the kitchen.
She did not care for chatting in the passage, but
thought it pleasant in the morning-room, when the
relations were waiting there or came to ask for news;
and she at once brought out her brandy-cherries :
' That's nice and comforting in this cold weather,
344
THINGS THAT PASS 345
Mr. Lot and Mrs. Elly. . . . Yes, the old lady
has been in bed ever since. . . . Ah, who can tell
if it's not the beginning of the end! . . . Still,
Dr. Thielens is pretty satisfied. . . . And, you
know, Mrs. Therese is here too ! " she added in a
whisper.
" Oh? " said Lot. " When did she come? "
" Yesterday. . . . And the mistress saw her at
once . . . and she's very nice, I must say . . .
but, you see . . . she's on her knees all day by the
mistress' bed, saying her prayers . . . and whether
that'll do the mistress any good, who was never
very religious ,. . . And then those Catholic
prayers, they last so long, so long ... I wonder
Mrs. Therese doesn't get stiff knees from it: /
couldn't stand it, that I'm sure of. ... Yes, yes,
Mrs. Therese is here: she sleeps at an hotel, but
she's here all day praying . . . and I believe she
would have liked to stay last night . . . but the
companion said that, if the mistress got worse, she'd
ask the people next door to telephone at once : they
have a telephone ; the mistress would never have one.
. . . So Mrs. Therese went away, but she was
here by seven o'clock this morning, before I myself
was up ! . . . Mr. Daan called yesterday, so did
Mrs. Ina; they saw Mrs. Therese; I don't think
she's calling on any of the family: she says she
hasn't the time likely enough, with all that pray-
ing and she thought she could see the family
down here, where I always keep up a good fire.
346 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
. . . Yes, I asked Dr. Thielens : * Doctor,' I said,
' is it a good thing that Mrs. Therese keeps praying
all day long by the mistress' bed? ' But the doctor,
who had seen the mistress, said, * Well, it doesn't
seem to excite her : on the contrary, she is very quiet
and pleased to see Mrs. Therese again . . . for
the last time perhaps ! ' . . . Ah, Mrs. Elly and
Mr. Lot, it's a sad home-coming for you! . . .
And who do you think I saw as well ? Your brother,
Mr. Lot . . ."
"Hugh . . . ?"
" Well, I just call him Mr. Hugo : I can't manage
that English name. He came with Mrs. Ottilie; and
it's a pleasure to look at them. . . . Not that I
think any the less of you, Mr. Lot, far from it; but
Mr. Hugo is a handsome fellow, so broad-shoul-
dered and such a jolly face, with his clean-shaven
upper-lip, and such nice eyes! . . . Yes, I can
understand that Mrs. Ottilie dotes on him: she
looked so pretty too, beside her son. . . . Yes,
it's wonderful how young she looks, though she is
sixty: you'd never think it, to look at her. . . .
You mustn't mind my speaking so freely of your
wife, Mr. Frans . . . nor about Mr. Hugo either,
you mustn't be angry. I know you're not very fond
of him; and he's a sly one, that I do believe; but he
makes you like him and no mistake about it. ...
Well, you always got on with Mr. Lot, didn't you,
Mr. Frans? . . . And now I'd better tell Mrs.
Therese that you're here. . . ."
THINGS THAT PASS 347
Old Anna tripped away and up the stairs and
Steyn asked:
" Haven't you decided yet what you're going to
do?"
" No," said Lot.
" We shall stay in the Mauritskade till the house
is sold," said Elly.
" I'm glad I saw you to-day," said Steyn. " I'd
have come to you otherwise: I wanted to speak to
you, Lot. . . . Perhaps I can do so before any
one conies. . . ."
"What is it, Steyn?"
" I wanted to tell you of a step I've determined
to take. You won't like it, but it's inevitable. I've
spoken to Mamma, as much as it's possible to speak
to her. ... I sha'n't go on living with her,
Lot."
" Are you going to get divorced? " cried Lot.
'That I don't mind: if Mamma wants to, I'm
agreeable. . . . Lot, you were talking the other
day of the needless sacrifice which I was making in
living with your mother. . . ."
"I meant ..."
' Yes, I know, you meant that I could just go
away, without a divorce. ... I shall certainly do
that. I can't go on sacrificing myself, because . . .
well, there's no need for it now. Since you left to
get married, the house is simply a hell. You brought
a certain peace and quiet at times; you managed to
ensure a little harmony at meals. But that's all
348 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
gone now. . . . For you to come and live with
us ... I shouldn't even wish it. It would mean
a wretched life for Elly. Besides . . . Mamma
has money enough now to go where she likes . . .
and, now that she has money, Hugh remains with
her. ... I asked her to talk as little as she
could about the legacy and I don't believe that she
goes chattering about it either; but she has told
Hugh everything. ..."
" I know she has," said Lot. " I've seen Hugh;
and he said, ' Mamma's had a good bit left her.' '
" Exactly . . . and he remains with her and
she with him. Formerly I used to think, if I go
leaving her, then I'm leaving her alone with you;
and money was scarce on both sides: I could never
bring myself to do it then; but now, Lot, I shall
go my own way."
" But, Steyn, you can't abandon Mamma to
Hugh's mercies! "
" Can't I? " cried Steyn, flaring up. " And what
would you have me do ? Look on ? Look on while
she squanders her money on that boy? What can
I do to stop it? Nothing! I refuse to give the
least impression that / want to be economical with
her money. Let her throw it away on that boy!
She's got a hundred thousand: it'll be finished in a
year. What she'll do then, / don't know. But I
consider that I have suffered enough for what was
once my fault. Now, now that she has money and
Hugh, my sacrifice becomes needless. . . . I'm
THINGS THAT PASS 349
going away: that's certain. If Mamma wants a
divorce, I don't care; but I'm going. I shall leave
the Hague. I shall go abroad. Perhaps I sha'n't
see you for a long time. I can't say. . . . Lot,
my dear fellow, I've stood it all for twenty years;
and my only comfort in my home was yourself. I
have learnt to be fond of you. We are two quite
different natures, but I thank you for what you have
been to me : a friend, a dear friend. If your gentle
nature had not smoothed over all that could be
smoothed over at home, I should never have stood
it for all these twenty years. Now I'm going away,
but with pleasant memories. You were eighteen
years old when I married your mother. You and I
have never had a single harsh word; and the merit
of it is due to you entirely. I'm a rough chap and
I have become very bitter. All the kindness in my
life has come from your side. When you got mar-
ried ... I really missed you more perhaps than
Mamma did: don't be angry with me, Elly, for
saying so. ... There, perhaps we shall see each
other again . . . somewhere or other. . . .
Don't cry, Lot, there's -a good fellow I "
He took Lot in his arms and kissed him as a
father kisses his son. He held him in his embrace
for a moment and then shook him firmly by the
hand: ,
" Come, Lot, my dear fellow . . . be a
man! . . ."
" Poor Mamma ! " said Lot.
350 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
His eyes were full of tears; he was greatly
moved.
" When are you going? " he asked Steyn.
" To-morrow."
"At what time?"
" Nine in the morning . . . for Paris."
" I'll come and see you off. ..."
" So will I, Steyn," said Elly.
She kissed him.
He turned to go ; but there was a ring and Anna
came down the stairs:
" I didn't dare disturb Mrs. Therese," she said.
" She's so wrapped up in her prayers that . . .
Why, look, Mr. Lot: there's Mamma . . . and
your English brother! . . ."
" Damn it! " said Steyn, between his teeth. "I
can't see her again. . . ."
" Steyn ! " said Elly, in a voice of entreaty.
She was sorry for Lot, who sat huddled in a
chair and unable to restrain himself: he was crying,
though he knew that it wasn't manly.
Anna had opened the door and Ottilie and Hugh
came in. They met Steyn in the passage. He and
she looked each other in the eyes. Hugh's hand
went to his cap, as in salutation to a stranger. They
passed one another without a word; and Steyn
walked out of the door. That was his leave-taking
of his wife: he never saw her again; and with him
there passed the last remnant of all her life of love.
" I came to see how Mamma is," she said to Elly,
THINGS THAT PASS 351
to Anna. " And Hugh would so much like to see
his grandmother. But Mamma is still in bed, isn't
she, Anna? ..."
She entered the morning-room:
" Ah, Lot ! . . . Why, what's the matter, my
boy?"
" Nothing, Mummy, nothing. ..."
; ' Why are you looking so sad? Have you been
crying?"
" No, Mummy, no. . . . Nerves a bit un-
strung, that's all. . . . Hullo, Hugh! That's a
thing you don't suffer from, slack nerves, eh, old
chap? No, I don't expect you ever cry like an old
woman, as I do. ..."
Lot mastered himself, but his eyes were full of
sorrow; they looked at his mother and his brother.
. . . His mother did not care about dress; and
he was struck by the fact that she had had a short
tailor-made skirt built for her in London and a
little simple, black-cloth coat that was moulded to
her still young and slender figure, while her hat
displayed a more youthful curve than he was ac-
customed to see on her pretty, grey-blond curly hair.
She was sixty years of age ! But she was all smiles;
her smooth, round face, scored by scarce a wrinkle,
was bright and cheerful; and oh, he knew hfis
mother so well! he could see that she was happy.
That was how she looked when she was happy,
with that blue innocence in her eyes. . . . She was
an old woman, she was sixty; but, when she now
352 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
entered beside her English son, she was of no age,
because of a happiness that owed nothing to real
maternal feeling, a happiness due only to a little
affection which her English son bestowed upon her
in words of flattery and caresses. He said coaxing
things to her, roughly; he fondled her, roughly;
and she was happy, she brightened under a new
happiness. Lot she did not miss: he no longer ex-
isted for her ... at the moment. She was simply
radiant because she had Hugh by her side. And
Lot, as he saw the two of them, felt a pang pierce his
soul. . . . Poor Mamma ! He had always been
fond of his mother and he thought her so nice and
such fun; and, thanks to his natural gentleness and
tact, they had always got on well together. He
knew that she was fond of him too, even though he
was out of her mind for the moment. She had al-
ways loved Hugh best, of her five children. She had
always loved Trcvelley best, of her three husbands.
. . . Poor, poor Mamma, thought Lot. She had
her bit of money now: what was a hundred thousand
guilders, if it was not properly looked after? What
was a hundred thousand ... to Hugh? And,
when that hundred thousand was finished in . . .
in a couple of years, perhaps what would poor
Mamma do then? For then his handsome English
brother, with the bold eyes and the shaven upper-lip,
would not stay with poor Mamma. . . . And
what would her old age be like then? Poor, poor
Mamma !
THINGS THAT PASS 353
" You're extraordinarily like Mamma, Lot," said
Hugh.
Yes, he was like his mother: he too was short, had
very nearly her eyes, had very nearly her pretty hair,
had the moulding of her young face. . . . He
had been vain sometimes of his appearance in his
youth, when he knew that he was a good-looking,
fair-haired little chap. But he was vain no longer;
and, beside Hugh, he felt an old woman, a slack-
nerved old woman. . . . To be so tall, so broad-
shouldered, so bold-eyed, with such a smiling-selfish
mouth, such a cold heart, such calm, steel muscles
and especially nerves; to care for nothing but your
own comfort and victorious progress; to be able to
live quietly on your mother's money and, when
that was finished, calmly and quietly to throw your
mother overboard and go your own way: that was
the real sign of a strong attitude towards life ! That
meant keeping the world and your emotions under
your thumb ! That meant having no fear of what
was coming or of approaching old age ! That meant
knowing nothing of nervous dread and never blub-
bering like an old woman, a slack-nerved old
woman !
" Yes, Hugh, I'm like Mamma."
" And Elly's . . . like you/' said Hugh.
" And, in a very ugly edition, like Mamma :
at least, so people say, Mummy," said Elly,
softly.
And she kissed her mother-in-law: she too was
354 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
sad, thinking of the old man . . . and of Steyn
. . . and of poor Lot. . . .
The bell suddenly rang upstairs, twice : that was
for the companion.
"Is Aunt Therese upstairs?" asked Elly.
" I haven't seen her yet," said Ottilie. " But
what can it be? ..."
"Oh dear, oh dear!" cried Anna, coming from
the kitchen and driving the cat away. " It must
be the mistress again, behaving funnily: you know,
she sees things. ..."
But the companion came tearing down the stairs,
with a pale face:
"I believe she's dying!" she exclaimed, "I'm
going next door ... to telephone for the doc-
tor. ..."
"Stay!" said Lot. " I'll go."
He took his hat and went out. Dismay hovered
over the house. Mamma, Ottilie, Elly, the com-
panion and Anna went upstairs.
" You wait here, Hugh," said Ottilie.
He nodded.
He remained alone in the morning-room, sat
down, amused himself by flinging his cap to the
ceiling and catching it each time it fell. . . . He
thought that his mother jmild not inherit much
from Grandmother. . . . There would be beastly
little; and even then it would be divided amon^
many.
He lit a cigarette and, when Lot came back,
THINGS THAT PASS 355
opened the door to him, which Anna afterwards
thought very nice of Hugh.
Lot also went upstairs. In the bedroom the
folding-doors were open, for the sake of the air,
making the bedroom of a piece with the drawing-
room where the old woman usually sat dismay
hovered, but it was subdued. Only Mamma was
unable to restrain her sobs. It was so unexpected,
she considered. No, she would never have thought
it. ...
Beside the bed stood Aunt Therese. And it
seemed to Lot, when he entered, as though he were
seeing Grandmother herself, but younger. . . .
Aunt Therese's dark Creole eyes gave Lot a
melancholy greeting. Her hand made a gesture
towards the bed, on which the old woman lay, quite
conscious.
Death was coming gradually, without a struggle,
like a light guttering out. Only the breath came a
little faster, panted with a certain difficulty. . . .
She knew that her children were around her, but
did not know which of them. They were children:
so much she knew. And this one, she knew, was
Therese, who had come; and she was grateful for
that. Her hand moved over the coverlet; she
moaned and said:
"Therese . . . Therese . . ."
*"Yes, Mamma ..."
"Therese . . . Therese . . . pray. . . ."
She herself folded her hands.
356 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
Therese van der Staff knelt down beside the
bed. She prayed. She prayed at great length. The
old woman, with folded hands, lay dying, very
slowly, but calmly. . . . Mamma Ottilie was
sobbing in Lot's arms. . . .
There was a ring at the door downstairs.
" That dear Mr. Hugo ! " whispered old Anna.
" He's opening the door! "
It was Dr. Thielens, but there was nothing for
him to do. The old woman had hardly been ill : it
was a light burning out. Since they had told her of
Roelofsz' death, since she herself had seen Takma
dead, she had not got up and had only still enjoyed,
in gratitude, the one great happiness of seeing her
daughter Therese appear so unexpectedly beside
her bed. No one had spoken to her of Takma's
death, but speaking was not necessary: she had seen
and she knew. . . . She remembered quite well
that Therese had become a Catholic and that she
herself had sometimes longed for the peace of abso-
lution and the consolation of prayer, which would
be wafted by the saints to the throne of God and
Mary. And she had asked Therese to pray, to pray
for her old mother. . . . She, the mother, did not
know that Therese knew : she had forgotten, entirely
forgotten, the fever, many years ago, when she had
been delirious in her daughter's arms. . . . And,
now that she was dying, she reflected, gratefully,
that God had been very good to her, notwithstand-
ing her sinful soul, for no one, no one knew. No
THINGS THAT PASS 357
one, no one had ever known. Her children had
never known. . . . She had suffered punishment,
within herself, the punishment of remorse, borne for
long old years. She had suffered punishment in the
terror which " his " spectre had given her, rising
all bloody in the corner of the room, a few times
during those years, in the corner by the china-
cabinet. Yes, she had suffered punishment! . . .
But still God had been merciful: no one, no one
had known; no one, no one knew or would ever
know. . . . Now she was dying, with her hands
folded together; and Therese, who knew how to
pray, prayed. . . .
Softly she sighed her breath away, the old
woman; long, long she lay sighing away her breath.
. The silence of the room was broken by
Ottilie Steyn's sobs and by the sighing of the old
woman's breath. . . . Out of doors, the thaw
stole down the window-panes like a stream of tears.
" Oh 1 " Anna wept. " How long the old lady
takes dying! . . . Hark . . . there's a ring!
. . . That kind Mr. Hugo, the dear boy, he's a
great help to me, Mrs. Ottilie: listen, he's opening
the door again! . . ."
Hugh did in fact open the door; and in quick suc-
cession there entered Harold, Daan and Floor,
Stefanie and Anton, Ina, D'Herbourg and the Van
Welys. Lot had telephoned to them from the
neighbours' to come, because Grandmamma was
dying. Aunt Adele also arrived. She came upstairs,
358 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
just for a minute, to take a last glance from behind
the bed-curtain at the old woman, and then went
down again. The last sighing breaths pursued her
to the morning-room below. All that she had seen
in that brief moment, was the peacefulness of
the dying mother and, beside her bed, Therese,
whom she had not seen for years, praying without
looking up. Downstairs, Harold Dercksz had sunk
into a chair: he was suffering unendurable pains,
his face was twisted with torture and before his eyes
he saw his own deathbed : it would not be long now,
he had suffered too much lately; and it was only his
strength of will that kept him going. Daan Dercksz
stood in front of him and whispered in Harold's ear :
" Harold . . . Harold . . . it is a good
thing that Mamma is dying . . . and she is
dying peacefully . . . so it seems. . . ."
Yes, she was dying, dying peacefully. . . .
Beside her bed Therese knelt and prayed, Therese
who did not know, so Harold thought: nobody
. . . nobody knew but himself and Daan. . . .
The Thing . . . the Thing was passing. . . .
Listen, upstairs his mother was sighing away her
last few breaths; and at each breath the Thing
passed, passed farther, trailing its misty veil: leaves
rustled, the thaw poured on as in a stream of tears,
spectres loomed behind the trees, but the Thing
. . . the Thing was passing! . . .
Oh, for years, for sixty long years he had seen
the Thing dragging past, so slowly, so lingeringly,
THINGS THAT PASS 359
as if it would never pass, as if it would tarry for
ever, too long for a human life yearning for the
end! Sixty years long he had seen it thus, the
Thing; sixty years long it had stared him in the eyes.
. . . Listen, Mamma was moaning more loudly,
more violently for a while; they could hear Ottilie
sobbing more passionately. . . .
The companion came downstairs. There stood or
sat the children, elderly people all.
" It is over," she said, softly.
They wept, the old people; they embraced one
another; Aunt Floor screamed:
"Ah! . . . Kassian! . . . That poor-r-r,
dhear-r-r Mamma ! "
Over the whole house hovered the emotion of
death which had come and was going. . . .
Harold Dercksz gazed before him. . . . His
eyes of pain stared from his face, but he did not
move in his chair.
The Thing: he saw the terrible Thing! It was
turning at the last bend of its long, long, endless
path. . . .
And it plunged headlong, into an abyss.
It was gone.
Only a mist, like the haze of its nebulous veil,
drifted to and fro before Harold's eyes.
"O my God!" cried Ina. "Papa's fainting!"
She caught him in her arms. . . .
The dark evening fell.
One by one, the " children " went upstairs and
360 THINGS THAT PASS
looked at their old mother. She lay in the peaceful-
ness of death; the lined porcelain face made a vague
blur in the shadow against the white of her pillow,
but it was now smooth, untroubled, at rest. And her
hands were folded together: she had died like that.
Therese knelt beside the bed.
CHAPTER XXIX
THE room was warmed by a moderate fire ; the cur-
tains were half-closed; and Lot had slept calmly, for
the first time since the fever had passed its crisis.
It was his own old room, in Mamma's house; and,
when he woke, his fingers, after a deliciously lazy
interval, felt for the letter which Elly had written
him from St. Petersburg. He drew the letter from
the envelope and read and read it again, glad that
she had written so fully and that she seemed charged
with courage and enthusiasm. Then his hand
dropped, feeling the cold, and hid itself under the
blankets. He lay in quiet content, after his first
calm sleep, and looked round the room, the room
which Steyn had given up to him years ago, so that
he might work at his ease, with his books and knick-
knacks around him. It was the only comfortable
room in the house. . . . Well, he would not have
it long. Steyn was gone; and Mamma intended to
pay the final quarter's rent, sell the furniture and
go back to England with Hugh. . . .
Lot felt a little light-headed, but easy and with
no fever, really a great deal better than he could
remember having been for a long time past. He
enjoyed the warmth of the bed, while outside he
had just noticed it the rain came pattering down;
361
362 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
but he, lying quietly in bed, did not mind the rain.
On the table beside him was some water, a bottle
of quinine capsules, a plate of hot-house grapes and
his bell. He picked a couple of grapes, sucked them
and rang.
Ottilie entered, anxiously:
"Are you awake, Lot?"
11 Yes, Mummy."
" Have you had a sleep? "
" Yes, I'm feeling rather well."
" Oh, Lot, you were so bad yesterday and the
day before 1 ... You were delirious and kept
calling out . . . for your father . . . and for
Elly. ... I didn't know what to do, my boy,
and at last ..."
"Well?"
" Nothing. Your cough's bad still, Lot. . . . "
" Yes, I caught cold; we know that; it'll get bet-
ter ... as soon as I'm out of this confounded
country, as soon as I'm in Italy."
" I shouldn't go thinking of Italy just yet."
" As soon as I'm better, I'll first go and take the
sun at Nice, with Ottilie and Aldo, and then on to
Rome."
" What do you want to do there, all by your-
self?"
" I have old friends there, fellows I know. And
I shall do some writing. . . . Is Hugh at home? "
'Yes, he's in his little room."
"Has he got Steyn's room?"
THINGS THAT PASS 363
;t Well, of course ! What other room would you
have me give him ? Now that Steyn has gone . . .
abroad, surely I can have my own son with me ! "
" I should like to talk to Hugh. Would you ask
him to come to me? "
"Won't it tire you, Lot?"
" No, Mummy. I've had a good sleep."
" Do you want to talk to Hugh alone?"
" Yes, please."
"What about?"
" About you."
"And mayn't I be there?"
" No. You mustn't listen outside the door either.
Do you promise? "
" What do you want to talk to Hugh about? "
" I've told you : about you. There, ask him to
come to me. And then leave us alone for a bit."
" Are you sure there's no fever? "
She felt his forehead.
' Take my temperature, if you like. . . . "
" It's just over ninety-eight," she said, in a
minute or two.
" I told you so. I'm feeling very well."
" Do you like your grapes? "
"Yes. ..."
She went at last, still hesitating. . . . She had
meant to tell him that, two days ago, he had been
so ill and had called out so eagerly for his father and
Elly that she had sent Hugh to telegraph to Pauws ;
that Pauws had come from Brussels ; that Pauws had
364 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
seen him the night before last. Lot had not recog-
nized his father. . . . But she found all this rather
difficult to tell and she went away. . . .
In a few moments Hugh came in, sturdy as usual,
with his calves showing under the breeches of his
check bicycling-suit, and asked:
" Feeling better, Lot?"
" Yes, a great deal better. I wanted to have a
talk with you, Hugh. Will it bore you? "
" Not at all, Lot."
11 We've always got on all right, haven't we, you
and I?"
" Of course we have."
" It may have been because I was never much in
your way; but in any case ..."
" You were always a good chap."
" Thank you."
" Doesn't it tire you, talking? "
" No, old fellow; in fact, I want to talk to you.
. . . Hugh, there's something I want to ask
you."
"What's that, Lot?"
" Mamma is going to London with you."
" Yes, she thought she'd like to come with me
this time. You see, John and I never see her; and
Mary will soon be home from India."
" Yes, I can understand . . . that she some-
times wants to see her other children too. Hugh,
all I wanted to ask you is: be kind to her."
"But aren't I?"
THINGS THAT PASS 365
" Well, then, remain so. She's a big child, Hugh.
She wants a lot of affection, wants it coming her
way. You see, I've been with her most: thirty-eight
years, with a few intervals. You've lived away
from her for over ten years; and even before that
you were more with your father than with her.
So you don't know Mamma very well."
41 Oh, I know her well enough ! "
" Perhaps," said Lot, wearily. " Perhaps you
know her well enough. . . . But try to be nice to
her, Hugh."
" Of course I will, Lot."
" That's a good chap."
His voice fell, despondently; but his hand grasped
his half-brother's hand. Oh, what was the use of
insisting? What did that strong, cool lad, with his
bold eyes and his laughing, clean-shaven mouth, feel,
except that Mamma had money a hundred thou-
sand guilders and was going with him to his coun-
try? In Hugh's firm hand Lot felt his own fingers
as though they were nothing. So thin, so thin: had
he wasted away so much in a week?
" Hugh, I wish you'd just give me that hand-
glass."
Hugh gave him the mirror.
" Draw the blind a little higher."
Hugh did so ; and Lot looked at himself. Yes, he
had grown thin, but he also looked very bad because
he was unshaved.
" Hugh, if you're going out again, you might
366 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
look in at Figaro's and tell him to come and shave
me."
" Right you are."
Lot put down the looking-glass.
"Have you heard from Elly, Lot?"
" Yes, Hugh."
" That's a fine thing she's doing."
44 Yes."
" One'd think she was an Englishwoman ! " said
Hugh, almost in admiration.
" Yes," said Lot, gently, " just so, an English-
woman. . . ."
But an unaccustomed voice sounded from below;
and Lot, listening, was greatly surprised, because
he seemed to recognize the voice of his father,
of Pauws, speaking to the servant.
He sat up in bed :
"Hugh!" he cried. "Hugh! Can it be . ,. .,
is that my father?"
" I believe so," drawled Hugh, laconically.
" Is that Papa ? How does he come to be here,
in this house?"
" Ah," said Hugh, " you're no end of a swell to-
day! But two days ago you were delirious, calling
out for your governor. So Mother said, * Wire.' I
wired. He stood by your bedside for a moment,
but you didn't know him. ..."
"Have I been as ill as all that?" cried
Lot.
He felt things growing misty and unsteady, but
THINGS THAT PASS 367
yet he distinguished Pauws cautiously entering the
room:
"My boy! . . ."
"Father! ..."
Pauws stepped briskly to the bed, took Lot's
hand; then he remained quite still for at least an
hour. Hugh had gone. For at least an hour Pauws
sat without speaking. It seemed that Lot had fallen
asleep. He woke after that long silence and said:
" Mamma telegraphed to you . . . "
' Two days ago. I came at once. You didn't
know me. . . . "
" Did you . . . speak to Mamma? "
" No."
"Have you seen her?"
" No. The servant told me the day before yes-
terday, when I went away, that they would let me
know at the hotel if there was any change in you.
Yesterday, when I called, you were asleep. ... .
But where's Elly?"
" Don't you know? ..."
"How should I know?"
Lot had closed his eyes again and old Mr. Pauws
sat silent, asking no more questions, with Lot's
hand in his. Once more there was a long, throbbing
silence. Old Pauws looked round the room, casting
his quick glance here and there, breathing again be-
cause Lot was not going to die. . . . He had
never been inside the house before. He had not seen
Ottiiie for years and years. Nor had she shown
3 68 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
herself this time. Nevertheless he had heard her
voice, hushed immediately, behind a door; and the
sound of that voice, that voice of the old days, had
moved him violently. . . . She had grown old,
no doubt; but that voice behind the door was the
*ame voice, the voice of Ottilie, his wife ! Oh, what
a sweet, pretty creature she was when he married
her, a girl just turned twenty, and how happy they
had been, in spite of an occasional angry word, in
Java, with their two children: little Ottilie first and
then Lot ! . . . Only a few years ; and then . . .
and then she had met that bounder Trevelley, the
father of the boy whom he had just seen, with his
damned English mug, a mug that was like his
father's. And since then ... he had never
seen her again! How long was that ago? He
reckoned it out: it was thirty-four years! His
little Ottilie was a girl of six then, Lot a little chap
of four: two such loves of children, such dear,
pretty children ! ... At the divorce, the custody
of the children was awarded to him, not her; but
Lot was so fond of his mother and he had consented,
after some years, that they should stay on with their
mother: she remained their mother, in spite of what
she had done. . . . Little Ottilie had spent a very
long time with him sometimes; Lot, on the other
hand, would be longer with his mother: it was a
constant going to and fro for the poor mites, who
had no fixed home in which to live with their parents.
Still, he had always gone on seeing his children and
THINGS THAT PASS 369^
keeping in touch with them; and he admired little
Ottilie, because she grew into big Ottilie and be-
came very handsome; but he had always doted on
Lot, though he was such a frail little fair-haired chap
perhaps for that very reason and because he
was really so ridiculously like his mother. . . .
There the poor fellow lay. Where was his wife?
Where was Elly?
He had seen her neither yesterday nor the day
before. What had happened? . . . He had
now been sitting for over an hour by Lot's bed,
with Lot's hand in his: the boy had closed his eyes
again; yet a pressure of that small, thin, delicate
hand told his father that he was not asleep, but
only resting. . . . Pauws let his son lie quite
still, wiped the sweat from Lot's forehead with a
handkerchief. . . . Well, he was perspiring
nicely, the skin felt relaxed. . . . Patience now,
until Lot felt inclined to talk again; patience now,
to find out about Elly! Thank God, the beggar
wasn't going to die, as Pauws had feared for a
moment; but the flesh he'd lost! And he had never
had much to spare. How thin his face had grown!
How young he looked for his age, even though his
fair hair was beginning to turn grey ! . . . Pauws
had always been very fond of him, because of his
calm and gentle character, so very different from
his mother's. He had no doubt become so gentle
and calm because he wasn't strong: when those
violent scenes took place at home, Lot, as a child,
370 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
used to go and sit quietly in his corner until the scene
had ended. . . . But what could have happened
with Elly?
Lot opened his eyes at last, but the old man
dared not yet ask after Elly. If it was anything sad,
something that he couldn't imagine, then he mustn't
ask Lot: it might make the poor boy go quite off
his head again. So he merely wiped his son's fore-
head with some eau-de-Cologne which he saw stand-
ing there and asked:
" Are you better, old chap? ..."
" Yes, Father ... a great deal better. . . .
It seems so strange to me, to have you sitting here
. . . but I'm very glad of it. ... Was I so
ill that Mamma had to telegraph ? I didn't know it
myself. ... I woke this morning and felt very
weak . . . but quiet. ... It was a fever,
you see, and I caught a bad cold into the bargain,
in this beastly winter weather, here. . . . Bron-
chitis, but not at all serious, you know ... A
touch of influenza as well: nothing out of the way.
. . . I shall soon get right with a little nursing.
. . . When I'm well, I shall go to the south, to
Ottilie: she's still with her Aldo; yes, it can't be
helped, they'll never get married. . . . And per-
haps they're right. . . . And there you are, sit-
ting by my bed. . . . Well, now that you're here,
guv, you're just going to stay at the Hague until
I'm better. If you've brought no luggage, you can
buy a couple of shirts and a toothbrush. . . .,
THINGS THAT PASS 371
No, I don't mean to let you go again. Mamma
needn't see you, if you don't wish it. But, now that
she's been mad enough to wire to you and frighten
you out of your wits, she must put up with the worry
of it, if it is a worry. . . . Besides, she won't stay
very long herself. . . . "
" Don't talk too much, my boy. . . ."
" No, it doesn't tire me ... meandering on like
this. Mamma won't stay long. You don't know
anything: I'll tell you how things stand. Steyn has
gone . . . abroad; perhaps for good. Mamma
has come into money from old Mr. Takma; yes,
she came into a hundred thousand guilders. . . .
And she is now going to England, with Hugh.
. . . And she will stay there, with Hugh, I ex-
pect, as long as the hundred thousand lasts. ..."
" Is that it? Oh, your poor mother! "
" You needn't pity her, Father : not yet, at least.
She is very, very happy at the moment. She dotes
on her Hugh. I had to fall ill to make her remem-
ber that she had a Lot as well. But she was very
nice to me : she nursed me, I think. . . . Really,
she is quite happy. . . . Perhaps in a year or two
. . . when the hundred thousand is gone . . .
she will come back to me. . . ."
" But what about you, old chap, what about
you?" exclaimed the old man, unable to contain
himself any longer.
" I ? . . .1 shall go to Nice first, to take in the
sun a bit . . . and then to Italy, to write. ..."
372 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
"But . . ."
" Oh yes, I remember : I've told you nothing
yet!"
He closed his eyes, but pressed his father's hand.
There was a knock at the door; the servant put
in her head and said:
" If you please, sir, if you please, Mr. Lot, the
barber has come. The mistress asked if it wouldn't
be too tiring for you. ..."
" No," said Lot, " let him come up."
" Aren't you really too tired, Lot? " asked Pauws.
" No. It causes me physical pain to look as I do
now."
The barber entered with a hesitating but cheerful
step : he had a round, jovial face.
" Come along, Figaro ! " said Lot.
"Well, sir, are you pulling round? . . . It's
over a week since I saw you . . . but I heard
that you were ill."
Pauws walked about the room impatiently, sat
down petulantly by the window.
" Shave me very nicely, won't you, Figaro? " said
Lot. " For I look awful with this beard on me.
. . . Yes, you'll find everything on the wash-hand-
stand."
" I've brought your own razor, sir."
41 That's right, Figaro. . . . I'm glad to see
your face again. Is there no news? . . . Yes,
it's a delight to feel your velvety blade gliding
down my cheek. . . . As a matter of fact, it does
THINGS THAT PASS 373
one's skin a heap of good to go unshaved for a
week or so. . . . But it's heavenly to feel one's
face smooth again. . . . That gentleman, Figaro,
sitting over there, is my father. . . . But he
shaves himself, so don't reckon on him as a cus-
tomer. ... I say, Figaro, you might give me a
clean suit of pyjamas : there, the second drawer from
the top. . . . Yes, one of the silk ones, with the
blue stripes. ... I believe in silk pyjamas, when
you're ill. . . . Yes, just valet me, now that you're
here, Figaro. . . . Help me on . . . that's
right . . . and now pitch the dirty ones into the
clothes-basket. . . . Give me a clean handker-
chief. . . . And now brush my hair: you'll find
some eau-de-quinine over there. . . . And a wet
towel for my hands, please. . . . Ah, I feel a
king, even after this first, short clean-up! . . ,.
Thank you, Figaro."
"Come again to-morrow, sir?"
* Yes, do ... or no, let's say the day after
. . . to spare my skin, you know. Day after to-
morrow. Good-bye, Figaro. ..."
The barber went away. Pauws said:
" How can you be such a baby, Lot? "
" Father, come and sit here now. Look, I'm a
different creature. I feel ever so much revived
with my soft skin and my silk pyjamas. Tuck me in
at the back, will you? . . . Have a grape! . . ."
"Lot ..."
" Oh yes, you wanted to know I . . . I re-
374 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
member, you don't know anything yet. I'll tell you,
Father. Elly is at St. Petersburg."
"At St. Petersburg?"
" Yes, Father."
" What's she doing there? "
"I'll tell you. ..."
" Have you quarrelled, has she gone away, has
Elly gone away? "
" Do have patience. What an impatient old man
you are! No, we haven't quarrelled. . . . Elly
is going to the war."
"The war?"
"To Mukden. . . . She's joining the Red
Cross at St. Petersburg."
"Elly?"
" Yes."
"My God!"
"Why, Father? It's her vocation. She feels
that she must obey it; and it is fine of her to do so.
. . . She and I discussed it at length. I did not
think it my duty to oppose her. I went with her to
the Russian minister. I helped her with all her
preparations. She is very strong and very plucky;
and she has become even pluckier than she used to
be. ... She used to nurse the sick poor once,
you know. . . . Father, I saw her at Florence : a
little boy of six was run over by a motor-car. She
took him up in her arms, put him in a cab and drove
with him to a doctor . . . whereas / almost
fainted! . . . Whether she will stay with the
THINGS THAT PASS 375
Red Cross I can't tell; but I am convinced that, as
long as she does, she will devote herself with all
her might and main. . . . You see, she's like
that, Father; it's the tendency, the line of her life.
. . . Each of us has a different line. Getting
married and trying to draw two lines into one by a
legal foot-rule is all nonsense. Aldo and Ottilie are
right. . . . But, though Elly and I are married
according to the legal foot-rule . . . she is free.
Only, I . . ."
He paused and then went on:
" I suffered, when she went away . . . for who
knows how long. ... I am so intensely fond of her
. . . and I miss her, now that she has been mine."
' The damned baggage ! " cried Pauws.
Lot took his father's hand:
" Don't say that, Father. ..."
'* Those damned women ! " cried Pauws.
"They're all ... they're all ..."
He could not find his words.
" No, Father, they are not ' all.' . . . Each of
them is different . . . and so are we. . . .
Don't talk like that, don't talk of ' men ' and
' women.' We are all poor, seeking, straying human
beings. Let her seek: that is her life. In seeking,
she does fine things, good things . . . finer and
better things than I. ... Here, read her letter :
she has written to me from St. Petersburg."
" No, Lot, I will not read her letter. Her place
is with her husband, especially when he is ill. . . ."
376 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
" She doesn't know that I'm ill. Surely you
wouldn't telegraph to her to come over from St.
Petersburg, as you came from Brussels, because I've
had a touch of fever. Father, don't condemn
her. ..."
'* Yes, I do condemn her and I condemn you too,
for your cowardice in letting her go, for not being a
man and compelling her to stay with you."
Lot clasped his hands :
" Father," he said, gently, " don't speak like
that. Don't speak like that. You pain me so. ...
And I have suffered so much pain as it is : not pain,
but sorrow, sorrow ! "
A great sob shook his body and he burst into
tears.
" My boy, my poor, dear boy ! "
" Father, I am not plucky, but I will try to be.
And calm. And quiet. . . . Don't leave me just
yet. Mamma is going to England with Hugh.
Listen : she will never see Steyn again. He has gone
away for good. . . . Now that she has money,
now that she has Hugh, the rest means nothing to
her, even I am nothing to her. . . Don't leave
me. Come with me to Nice, come with me to Italy.
. . . Don't abandon me to my sorrow; but don't
let us talk about it either; and please don't condemn
Elly again ... if you and I are to remain friends.
She does as she is bound to do and she can't do
otherwise."
His voice sounded manlier; and old Pauws was
THINGS THAT PASS 377
surprised at the energy with which he uttered the
last words. . . . Yes, he was surprised. . . .
That was certainly another breed than his; and
those were ideas, views, conditions which were
totally beyond his reach! Not to get married in
church; after a few months' marriage, to allow
your wife to join the Red Cross; and to feel sorrow
at her leaving you, but to consider that it couldn't
be different and that she was doing what she had to :
those, you know, were conditions, views, ideas so
far removed from his own that, in his swelling in-
dignation at what Elly had done, they all whirled
before his eyes; and he felt that he belonged to an-
other breed, to another period. He gave an almost
imperceptible shrug of the shoulders, but did not
wish to express any more of his utterly different and
doubtless old-fashioned feelings; and, when Lot re-
peated his request that he should stay with him, he
merely answered:
' Yes, my boy, /'// stay with you 1 . . . "
And the emphasis which he laid upon the words
was the only comment that he allowed himself. Lot
gave a deep sigh and left his hand in his father's.
A few seconds later, the old man noticed that Lot
had fallen asleep. He released his hand from his
son's slack fingers and stole from the room on tip-
toe, unperceived by Lot.
Pauws remained standing on the landing. . . .
Yes, it was all whirling before his eyes. That was
not the way in which he had loved, with so much
378 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
self-control and philosophy and understanding of
another's soul: he had loved differently, more
ardently, more passionately, with simple, fierce
virility. . . . Now, after many years, he was in
his wife's house and he felt that, though she was
old, he still loved her . . . that he had always
loved her and that, gradually, his love for her, no
longer fierce, passionate or ardent for the old
years were growing cold had become abiding and
fond. . . .
He remained standing, irresolutely. . . . What
should he do? . . . Something hesitated within
him : whether to stay here, in the house, or rush out
into the rain! He could not have stayed another
minute in Lot's sick-room: the air oppressed him;
and, active old man that he was, he felt a need,
after what he had heard, to move about, to shake
himself, to shake himself free of the whirl of those
views and ideas which were so strange to him. . . .
And yet! . . .
Slowly he went down the stairs; and his heart
thumped like a young man's. . . . Where would
she be? There! . . . He heard her voice in the
drawing-room, the voice which he had not heard
for years, talking English with her son, with her
son Hugh! They were laughing, they were laugh-
ing together : Hugh's voice sounded coaxing, roughly
caressing; her voice sounded . . . oh, it sounded
as it had always sounded : so intensely sweet . . .
and bewitching! . . . Had she really grown
THINGS THAT PASS 379
older? ... A fierce, rebellious jealousy boiled
up within him because of that son who was not his
son, that son whom he had seen for two seconds in
Lot's room, that son who was like his father . . .
Trevelley! He clenched his fists. He felt inclined
to dash open the door with those fists and to rush
into the room and say furious words, do furious
things. . . .
But no ... no ... it was all past. Only
think: years had gone by. ... She was sixty:
he could not imagine her that. . . . She was
happy, so Lot had said; she would be happy, as
long as her money lasted. . . . She was sixty
years of age, but she remained a child; and not till
later, when she was a very old woman who could
tell: perhaps ill and broken and miserable? after
that fellow had run through her money . . .
He pulled the latch of the front-door, went out
into the street, into the rain. Very softly he closed
the door after him. Oh, he could not, could not
come back again and hear her voice once more be-
hind that drawing-room door! . . . He would
write to Lot from the hotel . . . that he would
certainly not leave him, that he would go abroad
with him, but that he could not come back to Ottilie's
house, now that Lot was mending, and that he would
wait for him in Brussels . . . to go south to-
gether. . . L,
CHAPTER XXX
THE sunny days had come, at the end of April,
in Naples; and Lot, from his room, across the
green-lacquered palms of the Villa Nazionale, saw
the sea stretch blue, a calm, straight, azure expanse,
hazing away, farther towards the horizon, in a
pearly mist, from which, in dreamy unreality,
Castellamare stood out with brighter, square white
patches. . . .
He looked out of his high window, feeling a little
tired after his walk with Steyn, who had just gone,
after sitting with him for a long time. He had been
glad to see Steyn, feeling lonely at the departure
of old Mr. Pauws, who had gone back to Brussels
after spending two months with Lot. Yes, the old
gentleman had been unable to stand it: the scorching
April heat in Naples was too much for him, whereas
it sent Lot into the seventh heaven. Lot was quite
well again. That had been a pleasant time with
Papa: they had gone for long excursions in the
Campaigna and latterly in the environs of Naples;
and this constant living in the open air, without
fatiguing himself, had done Lot a world of good:
he felt himself growing stronger daily. Then
old Pauws left him: Lot himself had insisted upon
Papa's going, dreading that the sun-swept, southern
880
THINGS THAT PASS 381
spring, in Naples of all places, would affect the old
gentleman's health, hale and hearty though he might
be. And so old Pauws went back, regretting that he
had to leave Lot by himself, but pleased with the
time which they had spent together and with the
harmony that existed between him and his son, who
was so very different from him.
This was all because of Lot's character; he gave
Lot full credit for it, for he himself was a brusque,
somewhat rough, masterful man, but Lot, with his
yielding gentleness and his not so very cynical laugh,
smoothed away, with native ease, anything that
might provoke a conflict or want of harmony be-
tween an old father and a son who was still young.
Yes, Lot was glad that Steyn had broken his
journey and put in a day or two at Naples. Though
Lot had acquaintances at Naples and he saw them
regularly, he had found in Steyn something to re-
mind him of home and his country and his family.
It happened fortunately that Steyn arrived after
Lot's father had left, so that there was no possibility
of a painful meeting between these two husbands of
his mother. And yet they had nothing to reproach
each other with: " Mr." Trevelley came in between
them! . . .
But Lot was very tired after his talk with Steyn.
It all whirled before his mind, it swam before his
eyes, which gazed out at the white fairy-city, at
Castellamare in the pearly distance. . . . Steyn
had said so much to him, revealed to him so much
382 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
that he did not know, so much that Lot would
probably never have known but for Steyn, things to
which he was a stranger, which were strange to him,
but which nevertheless made him seize and grasp
and understand all sorts of things, suddenly, sud-
denly : sensations experienced as a child, in the little
house in the Nassaulaan, Grandmamma's house.
. . . Yes, Steyn, in the confidence arising from
their association, after first lunching together, had
told him of the letter which he had read, in the act
of tearing it up, with Adele Takma in the old
gentleman's study; and Lot, in utter stupefaction,
had heard everything: Lot now knew . . . and
thought that he alone knew, together with Steyn
and Aunt Adele. . . . How terrible, those pas-
sions of former days, of hatred, of love, of murder!
He now saw, in that narrow drawing-room, each at
a window, those two very old people sitting and
waiting . . . waiting . . . waiting. . . .
Now, now it had come, what they had so long waited
for. . . . Now, now they were both dead. ...
Oh, to grow so old, under so heavy a life's secret:
he could never do it, he thought it too terrible!
. . . And, gazing wearily into the pearly evening
distance, which began to turn pink and purple in
the reflection of the setting sun, he felt he, the
grandchild of those two murderers felt dread
descending upon him, gigantic, as a still invisible but
already palpable, wide-winged shadow: the dread
of old age. O God, O God, to grow so old, to wait
THINGS THAT PASS 383
so patiently, to see things pass so slowly! ... It
took away his breath; and he shivered, closed the
window, looked out through the closed window.
. . . Oh, he had not the passion that had filled
those old people ; his neutral-tinted soul would never
let itself be tempted to any sort of passion; his
disillusioned, nerveless, dilettante nature contem-
plated the violent things of this life with a slightly
bitter little smile, thought them superfluous, asked it-
self, why? ... So heavy a life's secret he would
never have to bear, no; but there was so much else
so much melancholy, so much silent suffering and
loneliness that, feeling the shadowy dread sink
down upon him, he asked:
" O God, O my God, can I ever grow so old? So
old as those two old people were? . . . Is it
possible that I shall slowly wither and fade, gradu-
ally dying and dragging myself along, always with
that same gnawing at my heart, always with that
same sorrow, a sorrow which I cannot yet utter to
anybody, to anybody . . . not even to Steyn
. . . because I will not judge, because I can not
judge . . . because Elly is right from her point
of view . . . because she lives in what she is now
doing and would pine if she always remained with
me, by whose side she feels herself to be useless
. . . aimless . . . aimless? ..."
O God, no, let him not grow old, let him die
young, die young and not, year after year, feel the
dread pressing more and more heavily on his small,
384 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
vain soul, his soul so childishly terrified of what
was to come! . . . Let him not, year after year,
feel that dread gnawing more and more at his heart,
like an animal eating his heart away, and let him
not, for years and years on end, feel that silent sor-
row weeping within him, never uttered or shown,
not even to Elly, if she ever came back, because he
would want to assure her with a smile that he under-
stood her aspirations and respected them and ap-
proved and admired them!
Loneliness was all around him now: his father
was gone, Steyn was gone; Elly was so far from
him, in a sphere to which, despite her letters, he was
so little able to follow her in thought, a sphere of
terror and horror so great that he kept on asking
himself :
" Can she do that? . . . Has she the strength
to keep it up ? . . . Those hospitals . . . the
din of the battlefield thundering in her ears . . .
the sufferings of the wounded . . . their cries
. . . their blood : could she hear and see all that
. . . and devote herself . . . and act? . . ."
When he saw it looming up out of her hurried let-
ters, it was so terrible a vision that he did not see
Elly in it: she faded and passed into somebody else,
he did not know her, hardly knew her even in the
photograph which she had sent him and in which he
vacantly looked for his wife among a number of
other Red Cross nurses. . . . No, in this photo-
graph she looked neither like him nor Mamma:
THINGS THAT PASS 385
she was herself this time, another, some one quite
different. . . . The energy of her undreaming,
harder eyes startled him: in this portrait he saw,
in a sort of bewildered ecstasy, a willing, a striving
perhaps to transcend the bounds which she already
saw before her! . . . Oh, was it possible that
she might soon return, worn out, and fall asleep in
his arms? Had he the right to wish it, for himself
. . . and for her? Ought he not rather to hope
that she would persevere and live according to the
career which she herself had chosen? Perhaps so
. . . but to him it was such an unspeakable grief
that she was not there, that she was not by his
side, she whom he had come to love as he never
thought that he could love! . . .
And this made everything so lonely around him.
What were a few pleasant, intelligent, artistic
friends at Naples, with whom he chatted and dined
now and again at a restaurant? And beyond that
there was nothing, nothing; and that . . . that
perhaps was how he would have to grow old:
ninety-three, ninety-seven years old! Oh, how that
dread shuddered, that shadowing dread, which
would always grow colder and colder still, as he
grew older! O God, no, no, let him die young,
while still in the flower of his youth, though his
life was morbid; let him die young! . . .
Even Mamma was not with him now! She was
in London: there lay her last letter; and in her
angry written words she complained that Hugh was
386 OLD PEOPLE AND THE
such a man for girls, always out with girls, leav-
ing her alone ! . . . She saw John now and again,
saw Mary now and again; but she suffered agonies
because Hugh neglected her, though he always knew
how to come to her when he wanted money ! It was
the first letter in which she expressed herself so
angrily, unable to restrain herself, because she suf-
fered so from the sting of jealousy in the flesh of
her heart: jealousy because Hugh amused himself
with other women, with girls, more than with his
mother! And Lot pictured her, alone, spending a
long, dreary evening in her room at the hotel, while
Hugh was out, with his girls. . . . Poor Mamma I
. . . Was it beginning so early? But, now that
she had Hugh, whom she worshipped, it would last
as long as she had any money left . . . and only
then, when it was all finished, would she come back
to him, to Lot . . . and, if Elly had returned by
that time, then she would be jealous of Elly 1 ...
Yes, that would be the future, without a doubt
. . . Beyond a doubt, he had not seen Elly for
the last time ; beyond a doubt she would come back,
wearied, and sleep, sleep off her weariness in his
arms. . . . And he would see his mother again
also: older, an older woman, worn out, penniless;
and she would cry out her grief, cry out her grief in
his arms. . . . And he, with a little laugh of dis-
illusionment, would find a chaffing word of consola-
tion . . . and the days would drag by, the things
would pass . . . pass very, very slowly . . ..
THINGS THAT PASS 387
not full of red remorse and hatred, passion and
murder, as they had passed for those two very old
people . . . but full of an inner canker, inner
grief and inner, painful suffering, which he would
never express and which would be his secret, his,
his secret: an innocent secret, free from all crime
and other scarlet things, but as torturing as a hidden,
gnawing disease. . . .
It was evening now. Well, he would not go out
to look for his friends. He would stay indoors,
sup off a couple of eggs. ... It was late; and
the best way to forget was to light the lamp cosily
. . . and to work, to work quietly, in his loneliness.
. . . Come ! He had made the room look homely;
there were green plants and white plaster casts
and warm-coloured pieces of drapery; there were
fine brown photographs on the walls; and he had a
big table to write at and the lamp was burning
nicely now, after spluttering a little at first. . . .
Come, to work : his dilettante work, the work which
he could do best. . . . To recast and rewrite
those articles on the Medicis O sweet memories
of Florence! that was his work for this evening.
. . . Come, every one must be the best judge of
his destiny: Elly of hers, he of his; and that this
was so was really not worth distressing yourself
for all your life long. There were beautiful and
interesting things left, especially in Italy; and
spring in the south was such an undiluted joy. ....
Come, let him soak himself in it now, quietly and in
3 88 THINGS THAT PASS
solitude . . . and work, work hard and forget.
. . . There was nothing like work: it took your
thoughts off yourself and all those dreadful things;
and, though you withered and faded in working,
still you withered and faded with no time for re-
pining. . . . And yet it was terrible, terrible
; . . . that one could become as old as Grand-
mamma had become ... as Mr. Takma had
become! . . . Well, suppose he wrote a novel: a
novel about two old people like that . . . and
about the murder in Java?
He smiled and shook his head:
" No," he thought, almost speaking aloud, " it
would be too romantic for me. . . . And then
there are so many novels nowadays: I'll keep to
my two. . . . That is enough, more than enough.
Better by far rewrite the Medici series. ..."
And, as the chill of sunset was over and the
starry night outside was growing sultry, he flung
open the windows again, drew a deep breath and sat
down to his big table, by his bright lamp. . . .
His fair and delicate face bent low over his papers;
and, so close to the lamp, it could be seen that he
was growing very grey at the temples.
THE END
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