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ONCE ON A

TIM

A.A.MILNE

DECORATED
BY CHARLES
ROBINSON

,jr?yp

GROSSET & DUNLAP
PUBLISHERS NEW YORK

By Arrangement with G. P. Putnam's Sons

by
A. A. Milne

THE

YOFtf

t ^

Made in the vtuted States of America

PREFACE

fTTAHIS book was written in 1915, for the
amusement of my wife and myself at
a time when life was not very amusing;
it was published at the end of 1917; was re-
viewed, if at all, as one of a parcel, by some
brisk uncle from the Tiny Tots Department;
and died quietly, without seriously detract-
ing from the interest which was being taken
in the World War, then in progress.

PREFACE

It may be that the circumstances in which
the book was written have made me unduly
fond of it. When, as sometimes happens, I
am introduced to a stranger who starts the
conversation on the right lines by praising,
however insincerely, my books, I always say,
'But you have not read the best one.v Nine
times out of ten it is so. The tenth takes a
place in the family calendar; St. Michael or
St. Agatha, as the case may be, a red-letter
or black-letter saint, according to whether
the book was bought or borrowed. But there
are few such saints, and both my publisher
and I have the feeling (so common to pub-
lishers and authors) that there ought to be
more. So here comes the book again, in a
new dress, with new decorations, yet much,
as far as I am coiicsmed, the same book,

'.' '. . .'. . :

making the same appeal to me; but, let us
hope, a new appeal, this* time, to others.

** - ."'•'**

For whom, thesi:,' is the book intended?
That is the trouble. Unless I can say, "For

PREFACE

those, young or old, who like the things
which I like," I find it difficult to answer. Is
it a children's book? Well, what do we mean
by that? Is The Wind in the Willows a chil-
dren's book? Is Alice in Wonderland? Is
Treasure Island? These are masterpieces
which we read with pleasure as children, but
with how much more pleasure when we are
grown-up. In any case, what do we mean
by "children"? A boy of three, a girl of six,
a boy of ten, a girl of fourteen — are they all
to like the same thing? And is a book 'suit-
able for a boy of twrelve' any more likely
to please a boy of twelve than a modern novel
is likely to please a man of thirty-seven ; even
if the novel be described truly as 'suitable
for a man of thirty-seven"? I confess that
I cannot grapple with these difficult problems.
But I am very sure of this: that no one
can write a book which children will like,
unless he write it for himself first. That
being so, I shall say boldly that this is a story

• •
Vll

PREFACE

for grown-ups. How grown-up I did not real-
ise until I received a letter from an unknown
reader a few weeks after its first publication;
a letter which said that he was delighted with
my clever satires of the Kaiser, Mr. Lloyd
George and Mr. Asquith, but he could not be
sure which of the characters were meant to be
Mr. Winston Churchill and Mr. Bonar Law.
Would I tell him on the enclosed postcard? I
replied that they were thinly disguised on the
title-page as Messrs. Hodder & Stoughton. In
fact, it is not that sort of book.

But, as you see, I am still finding it difficult
to explain just what sort of book it is. Per-
haps no explanation is necessary. Read in it
what you like; read it to whomever you like;
be of what age you like; it can only fall into
one of the two classes. Either you will enjoy
it, or you won't.

It is that sort of book.

A. A. MILNE.

Vlll

CONTENTS

CHAPTER

I.- -THE KING OF EURALIA HAS A VISITOR
TO BREAKFAST ....

II. — THE CHANCELLOR OF BARODIA HAS A
LONG WALK HOME

III.- -THE KING OF EURALIA DRAWS HIS
SWORD .....

IV. — THE PRINCESS HYACINTH LEAVES IT
TO THE COUNTESS

V. — BELVANE INDULGES HER HOBBY
VI. — THERE ARE NO WIZARDS IN BARODIA

VII. — THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A LETTER
AND WRITES ONE

VIII. — PRINCE UDO SLEEPS BADLY

IX. — THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

PAGB

19
31

47
63
81

97
115
131

CONTENTS

CHAPTER PAGE

X. — CHARLOTTE PATACAKE ASTONISHES

THE CRIITCS .... 143

XI. — WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO WITH THE

EARS ...... 159

XII. — WE DECIDE TO WRITE TO UDO'S

FATHER ..... 177

XIII.— "PINK" RHYMES WITH "THINK" . 193
XIV.— "WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE WIGGS?" 209

XV. — THERE is A LOVER WAITING FOR

HYACINTH ..... 225

XVI. — BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF . . 231

XVII. — THE KING OF BARODIA DROPS THE

WHISKER HABIT . . . 249

XVIII. — THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST ENTER-
TAINS Two VERY YOUNG PEOPLE . 273

XIX. — UDO BEHAVES LIKE A GENTLEMAN . 293

XX. — CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD STORY

WHEN HE HEARS IT . 309

XXI. — A SERPENT COMING AFTER UDO . 327

XXII. — THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES GO BACK

AGAIN 345

ILLUSTRATIONS

PAGE

A MAP OF EURALIA SHOWING THE ADJACENT
COUNTRY OF BABODIA AND THE FAR-DISTANT
ARABY ....... 2

HE WAS A MAN OF SIMPLE TASTES . . 3
"MOST EXTRAORDINARY," SAID THE KlNG . 7~8

HE FOUND THE KlNG NURSING A BENT WHISKER

AND IN THE VERY VlLEST OF TEMPERS 25-26

"TRY IT ON ME," CRIED THE COUNTESS 37-38

FIVE TIMES HE HAD COME BACK TO GIVE HER HIS

LAST INSTRUCTIONS . . . 53-54

ARMED TO THE TEETH, AMAZON AFTER AMAZON

MARCHED BY .... 75~76

WHEN THE RESPECTIVE ARMIES RETURNED TO
CAMP THEY FOUND TfiER MAJESTIES
ASLEEP 89-90

ILLUSTRATIONS

PAGE

THE RABBIT WAS GONE, AND THERE WAS A FAIRY

IN FRONT OF HER .... 101-102

As EVENING FELL THEY CAME TO A WOODMAN'S
COTTAGE AT THE FOOT OF A HIGH HILL

"CORONEL, HERE I AM," SAID UDO PATHETI-
CALLY, AND HE STEPPED OUT . . 133-134

TWENTY-ONE MINUTES LATER HENRIETTA
CROSSBUNS WAS ACKNOWLEDGING A BAG
OF GOLD ..... 149-150

PRINCESS HYACINTH GAVE A SHRIEK AND

FALTERED SLOWLY BACKWARDS . 161-162

"NOW WE CAN TALK," SAID HYACINTH . 179-180

HE FORGOT HIS MANNERS, AND MADE A JUMP

TOWARDS HER .... 199-200

SHE GLIDED GRACEFULLY BEHIND THE SUNDIAL

IN A PRETTY AFFECTATION OF ALARM 199-200

WHEN ANYBODY OF SUPERIOR STATION OR AGE
CAME INTO THE ROOM SHE ROSE AND

CURTSIED ..... 217-218

AND THEN SHE DANCED . . . 227-228

"GooD MORNING," SAID BEL VANE . 235-236

THE TENT SEEMED TO SWIM BEFORE HIS EYES,

AND HE KNEW NO MORE . . 257-258

SHE TURNED ROUND AND WENT OFF DAINTILY

DOWN THE HILL .... 279-280

LET ME PRESENT TO YOU MY FRIEND THE DuKE

CORONEL 297-298

xii

ILLUSTRATIONS

PAGE

As THE TOWERS OF THE CASTLE CAME IN
SIGHT, MERRIWIG DREW A DEEP BREATH
OF HAPPINESS .... 311-312

BELVANE LEADING THE WAY WITH HER FINGER

TO HER LIPS ..... 337-338

MERRIWIG FOLLOWING WITH AN EXAGGERATED

CAUTION 337-338

HE WAS A PLEASANT-LOOKING PERSON, WITH A

ROUND CLEAN-SHAVEN FACE . . 351-352

ROGER SCURVILEGS 358

Xlll

ONCE

adjacent
country or

BarocJia

and tlie far
distent

flrafov

He was a Man

of
Simple Tastes

CHAPTER I

THE KING OF EURALIA HAS A VISITOR TO

BREAKFAST

KING MERRIWIG of Euralia sat at
breakfast on his castle walls. He
lifted the gold cover from the gold dish
in front of him, selected a trout and conveyed
it carefully to his gold plate. He was a man
of simple tastes, but when you have an aunt
with the newly acquired gift of turning any-
thing she touches into gold, you must let her

THE KING OF EURALIA HAS

practise sometimes. In another age it might
have been fretwork.

"Ah,' said the King, 'here you are, my
dear." He searched for his napkin, but
the Princess had already kissed him lightly
on the top of the head, and was sitting in
her place opposite to him.

"Good morning, Father,' she said; 'I'm
a little late, aren't I? I've been riding in the
forest.''

"Any adventures?' asked the King
casually.

"Nothing, except it's a beautiful morning."

"Ah, well, perhaps the country isn't what
it was. Now when I was a young man, you
simply couldn't go into the forest without
an adventure of some sort. The extraordinary
things one encountered! Witches, giants,

dw^arfs . It was there that I first met

your mother," he added thoughtfully.

"I wish I remembered my mother,' said
Hyacinth.

A VISITOR TO BREAKFAST

The King coughed and looked at her a
little nervously.

"Seventeen years ago she died, Hyacinth,
when you were only six months old. I have
been wondering lately whether I haven't
been a little remiss in leaving you motherless
so long.':

The Princess looked puzzled. 'But it
wasn't your fault, dear, that mother died.':

"Oh, no, no, I'm not saying that. As you
know, a dragon carried her off and — well,
there it was. But supposing" — he looked
at her shyly — "I had married again.51

The Princess was startled.

"Who? "she asked.

The King peered into his flagon. 'Well,'
he said, "there are people.'1

"If it had been somebody very nice,'
said the Princess wistfully, "it might have
been rather lovely.'1

The King gazed earnestly at the outside
of his flagon.

THE KING OF EURALIA HAS

"Why 'might have been?' ' he said.

The Princess was still puzzled. 'But I'm
grown up," she said; "I don't want a mother
so much now."

The King turned his flagon round and
studied the other side of it.

'A mother's — er — tender hand,' he said,

"is — er — never ' and then the outrageous

thing happened.

• ••••••

It was all because of a birthday present
to the King of Barodia, and the present was
nothing less than a pair of seven-league boots.
The King being a busy man, it was a week or
more before he had an opportunity of trying
those boots. Meanwhile he used to talk about
them at meals, and he would polish them up
every night before he went to bed. When
the great day came for the first trial of them to
be made, he took a patronising farewell of his
wife and family, ignored the many eager noses
pressed against the upper windows of the

A VISITOR TO BREAKFAST

Palace, and sailed off. The motion, as per-
haps you know, is a little disquieting at first,
but one soon gets used to it. After that it
is fascinating. He had gone some two thou-
sand miles before he realised that there might
be a difficulty about finding his way back.
The difficulty proved at least as great as he
had anticipated. For the rest of that day he
toured backwards and forwards across the
country; and it wras by the merest accident
that a very angry King shot in through an
open pantry window in the early hours of the
morning. He removed his boots and went
softly to bed. . . .

It was, of course, a lesson to him. He
decided that in the future he must proceed
by a recognised route, sailing lightly from
landmark to landmark. Such a route his
Geographers prepared for him — an early
morning constitutional, of three hundred miles
or so, to be taken ten times before breakfast.
He gave himself a week in which to recover

Most extraordinary,
said the King

THE KING OF EURALIA HAS

his nerve and then started out on the first
of them.

Now the Kingdom of Euralia adjoined
that of Barodia, but whereas Barodia was
a flat country, Euralia was a land of hills.
It was natural then that the Court Geo-
graphers, in search of landmarks, should have
looked towards Euralia; and over Euralia
accordingly, about the time when cottage
and castle alike were breakfasting, the King
of Barodia soared and dipped and soared and
dipped again.

"A mother's tender hand,' said the King
of Euralia, 'is — er — never — good gracious!
What's that?"

There was a sudden rush of air; something
came for a moment between his Majesty and
the sun; and then all was quiet again.

'What was it?' asked Hyacinth, slightly
alarmed.

'Most extraordinary," said the King. "It

A VISITOR TO BREAKFAST

left in my mind an impression of ginger
whiskers and large boots. Do we know any-
body like that?"

"The King of Barodia,' said Hyacinth,
"has red whiskers, but I don't know about
his boots.'1

"But what could he have been doing up
there? Unless

There was another rush of wind in the
opposite direction; once more the sun was
obscured, and this time, plain for a moment
for all to see, appeared the rapidly dwindling
back view of the King of Barodia on his way
home to breakfast.

Merriwig rose with dignity.

"You're quite right, Hyacinth,' he said
sternly; "it was the King of Barodia. '!

Hyacinth looked troubled.

4 He oughtn't to come over anybody's
breakfast table quite so quickly as that.
Ought he, Father?"

*A lamentable display of manners, my

THE KING OF EURALIA HAS

dear. I shall withdraw now and compose
a stiff note to him. The amenities must be
observed.'1

Looking as severe as a naturally jovial
face would permit him, and wondering a little
if he had pronounced 'amenities' right, he
strode to the library.

The library was his Majesty's favourite
apartment. Here in the mornings he would
discuss affairs of state with his Chancellor,
or receive any distinguished visitors who
were come to his kingdom in search of adven-
ture. Here in the afternoon, with a copy of
What to say to a Wizard or some such book
taken at random from the shelves, he would
give himself up to meditation.

And it was the distinguished visitors of
the morning who gave him most to think
about in the afternoon. There were at this
moment no fewer than seven different Princes
engaged upon seven different enterprises, to

whom, in the event of a successful conclusion,

A VISITOR TO BREAKFAST

he had promised the hand of Hyacinth and
half his kingdom. No wonder he felt that
she needed the guiding hand of a mother.

The stiff note to Barodia was not destined
to be written. He was still hesitating be-
tween two different kinds of nib, when the
door was flung open and the fateful name of
the Countess Belvane was announced.

The Countess Belvane! What can I say
which will bring home to you that wonder-
ful, terrible, fascinating woman? Mastered
as she was by an overweening ambition,
utterly unscrupulous in her methods of
achieving her purpose, none the less her
adorable humanity betrayed itself in a passion
for diary-keeping and a devotion to the
simpler forms of lyrical verse. That she is
the villain of the piece I know well; in his
Euralia Past and Present the eminent his-
torian, Roger Scurvilegs, does not spare her;
but that she had her great qualities I should
be the last to deny.

THE KING OF EURALIA HAS

She had been writing poetry that morn-
ing, and she wore green. She always wore
green when the Muse was upon her : a pleasing
habit which, whether as a warning or an
inspiration, modern poets might do well to
imitate. She carried an enormous diary under
her arm; and in her mind several alternative
ways of putting down her reflections on her
way to the Palace.

'Good morning, dear Countess,' said the
King, rising only too gladly from his nibs;
'an early visit."

:You don't mind, your Majesty?' said
the Countess anxiously. 'There was a point
in our conversation yesterday about which
I was not quite certain '

'What were we talking about yesterday?'

'Oh, your Majesty,' said the Countess,

'affairs of state,' and she gave him that

wicked, innocent, impudent, and entirely

scandalous look which he never could resist,

and you couldn't either for that matter.

A VISITOR TO BREAKFAST

'Affairs of state, of course,' smiled the
King.

'Why, I made a special note of it in my
diary."

She laid down the enormous volume and
turned lightly over the pages.

'Here we are! 'Thursday. His Majesty
did me the honour to consult me about the
future of his daughter, the Princess Hyacinth.
Remained to tea and was very- I can't

quite make this wrord out."

'Let me look,' said the King, his rubi-
cund face becoming yet more rubicund. 'It
looks like 'charming/ ' he said casually.

'Fancy!' said Belvane. 'Fancy my
writing that! I put down just what comes
into my head at the time, you know." She
made a gesture with her hand indicative of
some one who puts down just what comes
into her head at the time, and returned to
her diary. "Remained to tea, and was
very charming. Mused afterwards on the

THE KING OF EURALIA HAS

mutability of life!' She looked up at him
with wide-open eyes. 'I often muse when
I'm alone," she said.

The King still hovered over the diary.
'Have you any more entries like — like that
last one? May Hook?"

"Oh, your Majesty! I'm afraid it's quite
private. " She closed the book quickly.

"I thought I saw some poetry,' said the
King.

"Just a little ode to a favourite linnet.
It wouldn't interest your Majesty."

"I adore poetry," said the King, who had
himself written a rhymed couplet which
could be said either forwards or backwards,
and in the latter position was useful for re-
moving enchantments. According to the
eminent historian, Roger Scurvilegs, it had
some vogue in Euralia and went like this :

Bo, boll, bill, bole.
Wo, woll, will, wole.'

A pleasing idea, temperately expressed.

A VISITOR TO BREAKFAST

The Countess, of course, was only pre-
tending. Really she was longing to read it.
"It's quite a little thing, " she said.

. .

Hail to thee, blithe linnet,

Bird thou clearly art,
That from bush or in it

Pourest thy full heart!
And leads the feathered choir in song

Taking the treble part."

'Beautiful/ said the King, and one must
agree with him. Many years after, another
poet called Shelley plagiarised the idea, but
handled it in a more artificial, and, to my way
of thinking, decidedly inferior manner.

'Was it a real bird?" said the King.
"An old favourite/1

'Was it pleased about it?'

'Alas, your Majesty, it died without hear-
ing it."

"Poor bird!" said his Majesty; "I think
it would have liked it."

Meanwhile Hyacinth, innocent of the near-

THE KING OF EURALIA HAS

ness of a mother, remained on the castle
walls and tried to get on with her breakfast.
But she made little progress with it. After
all, it is annoying continually to look up from
your bacon, or whatever it is, and see a foreign
monarch passing overhead. Eighteen more
times the King of Barodia took Hyacinth in
his stride. At the end of the performance,
feeling rather giddy, she went down to her
father.

She found him alone in the library, a foolish
smile upon his face, but no sign of a letter
to Barodia in front of him.

'Have you sent the Note yet?" she asked.

'Note? Note?" he said, bewildered, "what
— oh, you mean the Stiff Note to the King of
Barodia? I'm just planning it, my love. The
exact shade of stiffness, combined with cour-
tesy, is a little difficult to hit."

'I shouldn't be too courteous,' said Hya-
cinth; 'he came over eighteen more times
after you'd gone."

A VISITOR TO BREAKFAST

"Eighteen, eighteen, eight — my dear, it's
outrageous.'1

"I've never had such a crowded breakfast
before.'1

"It's positively insulting, Hyacinth. This
is no occasion for Notes. We will talk to
him in a language that he will understand.'1

And he went out to speak to the Captain
of his Archers.

CHAPTER II

THE CHANCELLOR OF BARODIA HAS A LONG

WALK HOME

ONCE more it was early morning on the
castle walls.

The King sat at his breakfast table,
a company of archers drawn up in front of him.
'Now you all understand," he said.
"When the King of Baro — when a certain —
well, when I say 'when,' I want you all to
fire your arrows into the air. You are to

THE CHANCELLOR OF BARODIA

take no aim; you are just to shoot your arrows
upwards, and — er — I want to see who gets
highest. Should anything — er — should any-
thing brush up against them on their way —
not of course that it's likely — well, in that case
— er — in that case, something will — er — brush
up against them. After all, what should?'

'Quite so, Sire,' said the Captain, "or
rather, not at all.'1

:Very well. To your places.'1

Each archer fitted an arrow to his bow and
took up his position. A look-out man had
been posted. Everything was ready.

The King was decidedly nervous. He
wandered from one archer to another asking
after this man's wife and family, praising
the polish on that man's quiver, or advising
him to stand with his back a little more to
the sun. Now and then he would hurry off
to the look-out man on a distant turret, point
out Barodia on the horizon to him, and hurry
back again.

HAS A LONG WALK HOME

The look-out knew all about it.

'Royalty over," he bellowed suddenly.

"When!' roared the King, and a cloud
of arrows shot into air.

'Well done!' cried Hyacinth, clapping
her hands. *I mean, how could you? You
might have hurt him.':

"Hyacinth,' said the King, turning sud-
denly; "you here?'

'I have just come up. Did you hit him?'

"Hit who?"

'The King of Barodia, of course,'

"The King of My dear child, what

couid the King of Barodia be doing here?
My archers were aiming at a hawk that they
saw in the distance.'3 He beckoned to the
Captain. 'Did you hit that hawk?' he
asked.

'With one shot only, Sire. In the whisk —
in the tail feathers.'1

The King turned to Hyacinth.
'With one shot only in the whisk — in the

THE CHANCELLOR OF BARODIA

tail feathers,' he said. "What was it, my
dear, that you were saying about the King
of Barodia?'

"Oh, Father, you are bad. You hit the
poor man right in the whisker.'1

"His Majesty of Barodia! And in the
whisker! My dear child, this is terrible!
But what can he have been doing up there?
Dear, dear, this is really most unfortunate.
I must compose a note of apology about
this."

"I should leave the first note to him," said
Hyacinth.

"Yes, yes, you're right. No doubt he will
wish to explain how he came to be there. Just
a moment, dear."

He went over to his archers, who were
drawn up in line again.

"You may take your men down now," he
said to the Captain.

"Yes, your Majesty."

His Majesty looked quickly round the

HAS A LONG WALK HOME

castle walls, and then leant confidentially
towards the Captain.

"Er — which was the man who — er" — he
fingered his cheek — "er — quite so. The one
on the left? Ah, yes.': He went to the man
on the left and put a bag of gold into his hand.

"You have a very good style with the bow,
my man. Your wrist action is excellent. I
have never seen an arrow go so high.);

The company saluted and withdrew. The
King and Hyacinth sat down to breakfast.

"A little mullet, my dear?' he said.

The Hereditary Grand Chancellor of Ba-
rodia never forgot that morning, nor did he
allow his wife to forget it. His opening,

" That reminds me, dear, of the day when '

though the signal of departure for any guests,
allowed no escape for his family. They had
to have it.

And indeed it was a busy day for him.

THE CHANCELLOR OF BARODIA

Summoned to the Palace at nine o'clock, he
found the King nursing a bent whisker and
in the very vilest of tempers. His Majesty
was for war at once, the Chancellor leant
towards the Stiff Note.

"At least, your Majesty,' he begged,
"let me consult the precedents first.'1

; There is no precedent,' said the King
coldly, "for such an outrage as this."

"Not precisely, Sire; but similar unfor-
tunate occurrences have — occurred."
'It was worse than an occurrence."

" I should have said an outrage, your Maj-
esty. Your late lamented grandfather was un-
fortunate enough to come beneath the spell of
the King of Araby, under which he was com-
pelled— or perhaps I should say preferred —
to go about on his hands and knees for several
weeks. Your Majesty may recall how the
people in their great loyalty adopted a similar
mode of progression. Now although your Maj-
esty's case is not precisely on all fours "

HAS A LONG WALK HOME

'Not at all on all fours,' said the King
coldly.

'An unfortunate metaphor; I should say
that although your Majesty's case is not
parallel, the procedure adopted in your re-
vered grandfather's case-

'I don't care what you do with your
whiskers; I don't care what anybody does
with his whiskers," said the King, still sooth-
ing his own tenderly; 'I want the King of
Euralia's blood.'1 He looked round the
Court. :To any one who will bring me the
head of the King, I wrill give the hand of my
daughter in marriage.'1

There was a profound silence. . . .

'Which daughter?' said a cautious voice
at last.

"The eldest," said the King.

There was another profound silence. . . .

'My suggestion, your Majesty,' said the
Chancellor, 'is that for the present there
should be merely an exchange of Stiff Notes;

He found the King nursing a bent whisker
and in the very vilest of tempers

THE CHANCELLOR OF BARODIA

and that meanwhile we scour the kingdom
for an enchanter who shall take some pleasant
revenge for us upon his Majesty of Euralia.
For instance, Sire, a king whose head has been
permanently fixed on upside-down lacks some-
what of that regal dignity which alone can
command the respect of his subjects. A
couple of noses, again, placed at different
angles, so they cannot both be blown together

"Yes, yes,' said the King impatiently,
"/'// think of the things, if once you can find
the enchanter. But they are not so common
nowadays. Besides, enchanters are delicate
things to work with. They have a habit of
forgetting which side they are on.':

The Chancellor's mouth drooped piteously.

"Well,' said the King condescendingly,
"I'll tell you what we'll do. You may send
one Stiff Note and then we will declare war.':

"Thank you, your Majesty,' said the

Chancellor.

HAS A LONG WALK HOME

So the Stiff Note was dispatched. It
pointed out that his Majesty of Barodia,
while in the act of taking his early morning
constitutional, had been severely insulted
by an arrow. This arrow, though fortunately
avoiding the more vital parts of his Majesty's
person, went so far as to wound a favourite
whisker. For this the fullest reparation must
be made . . . and so forth and so on.

Euralia's reply was not long delayed. It
expressed the deepest concern at the unhappy
accident which had overtaken a friendly
monarch. On the morning in question, his
Majesty had been testing his archers in a
shooting competition at a distant hawk;
which competition, it might interest his
Majesty of Barodia to know, had been won by
Henry Smallnose, a bowman of considerable
promise. In the course of the competition it
was noticed that a foreign body of some sort
brushed up against one of the arrows, but as
this in no way affected the final placing of the

THE CHANCELLOR OF BARODIA

competitors, little attention was paid to it*
His Majesty of Barodia might rest assured
that the King had no wish to pursue the
matter farther. Indeed, he was always glad
to welcome his Barodian Majesty on these
occasions. Other shooting competitions would
be arranged from time to time, and if his
Majesty happened to be passing at the
moment, the King of Euralia hoped that he
would come down and join them. Trusting
that her Majesty and their Royal Highnesses
were well, . . . and so on and so forth.

The Grand Chancellor of Barodia read
this answer to his Stiff Note with a growing
feeling of uneasiness. It was he who had
exposed his Majesty to this fresh insult; and,
unless he could soften it in some way, his
morning at the Palace might be a painful one.

As he entered the precincts, he wondered
whether the King would be wearing the
famous boots, and whether they kicked seven

leagues as easily as they strode them. He

HAS A LONG WALK HOME

felt more and more that there were notes
which you could break gently, and notes
which you couldn't. . . .

Five minutes later, as he started on his
twenty-one mile walk home, he realised that
this was one of the ones which you couldn't.
..... * *

This, then, was the real reason of the war
between Euralia and Barodia. I am aware
that in saying this I differ from the eminent
historian, Roger Scurvilegs. In Chapter IX
of his immortal work, Euralia Past and Present,
he attributes the quarrel between the two
countries to quite other causes. The King of
Barodia, he says, demanded the hand of the
Princess Hyacinth for his eldest son. The
King of Euralia made some commonplace
condition as that his Royal Highness should
first ride his horse up a glassy mountain in the
district, a condition which his Majesty of
Barodia strongly resented. I am afraid that
Roger is incurably romantic; I have had to

THE CHANCELLOR OF BARODIA

speak to him about it before. There was
nothing of the sentimental in the whole busi-
ness, and the facts are exactly as I have
narrated them.

CHAPTER III

THE KING OF EURALIA DRAWS HIS SWORD

NO doubt you have already guessed that
it was the Countess Belvane who dic-
tated the King of Euralia's answer.
Left to himself, Merriwig would have said,
* Serve you jolly well right for stalking over
my kingdom.'1 His repartee was never very
subtle. Hyacinth would have said, 'Of
course we're awfully sorry, but a whisker isn't
very bad, is it? and you really oughtn't to come
to breakfast without being asked.'1 The

THE KING OF EURALIA

Chancellor would have scratched his head
for a long time, and then said, 'Referring
to Chap VII, Para 259 of the King's Regula-
tions we notice . . . '

But Belvane had her own way of doing
things; and if you suggest that she wanted
to make Barodia's declaration of war in-
evitable, well, the story will show whether
you are right in supposing that she had her
reasons. It came a little hard on the Chan-
cellor of Barodia, but the innocent must needs
suffer for the ambitions of the unprincipled —
a maxim I borrow from Euralia Past and
Present; Roger in his moral vein.

"Well,' said Merriwig to the Countess,
"that's done it."

"It really is war?" asked Belvane.

" It is. Hyacinth is looking out my armour
at this moment.'1

"What did the King of Barodia say?5

"He didn't say anything. He wrote
' W A R ' in red on a dirty bit of paper, pinned

DRAWS HIS SWORD

it to my messenger's ear, and sent him back
again."

"How very crude," said the Countess.

"Oh, I thought it was — er — rather for-
cible,' said the King awkwardly. Secretly
he had admired it a good deal and wished
that he had been the one to do it.

"Of course,' said the Countess, with a
charming smile, 'that sort of thing depends
so very much on who does it. Now from
your Majesty it would have seemed — dig-
nified."

"He must have been very angry," said the
King, picking up first one and then another
of a number of swords which lay in front of
him. "I wish I had seen his face when he
got my Note.' ;

"So do I,' sighed the Countess. She
wished it much more than the King. It is
the tragedy of writing a good letter that you
cannot be there when it is opened : a maxim of

my own, the thought never having occurred
3 33

THE KING OF EURALIA

to Roger Scurvilegs, who was a dull corre-
spondent.

The King was still taking up and putting
down his swords.

'It's very awkward,' he muttered; 'I

wonder if Hyacinth : He went to the

door and called, "Hyacinth!'

'Coming, Father,' called back Hyacinth,
from a higher floor.

The Countess rose and curtsied deeply.

'Good morning, your Royal Highness.'1

' Good morning, Countess, ' ' said Hyacinth
brightly. She liked the Countess (you
couldn't help it), but rather wished she
didn't.

'Oh, Hyacinth,' said the King, 'come
and tell me about these swords. Which is
my magic one?'

Hyacinth looked at him blankly.

"Oh, Father," she said. "I don't know
at all. Does it matter very much?'

'My dear child, of course it matters.

DRAWS HIS SWORD

Supposing I am fighting the King of Barodia
and I have my magic sword, then I'm bound
to win. Supposing I haven't, then I'm not
bound to.'

"Supposing you both had magic swords,'
said Belvane. It was the sort of thing she
would say.

The King looked up slowly at her and
began to revolve the idea in his mind.

"Well, really," he said, "I hadn't thought
of that. Upon my word, I- He turned

to his daughter. 'Hyacinth, what would
happen if we both had magic swords?'

"I suppose you'd go on fighting for ever,'
said Hyacinth.

"Or until the magic wore out of one of
them," said Belvane innocently.

"There must be something about it some-
where,' said the King, whose morning was
in danger of being quite spoilt by this new
suggestion; "I'd ask the Chancellor to look

it up, only he's so busy just now."

THE KING OF EURALIA

"He'd have plenty of time while the combat
was going on,' said Belvane thoughtfully.
Wonderful creature! she saw already the
Chancellor hurrying up to announce that the
King of Euralia had won, at the very moment
when he lay stretched on the ground by a
mortal thrust from his adversary.

The King turned to his swords again.

"Well, anyway, I'm going to be sure of
mine/ he said. ' Hyacinth, haven't you
any idea which it is?' He added in rather
a hurt voice, 'Naturally I left the marking
of my swords to you.''

His daughter examined the swords one
by one.

"Here it is," she cried. "It's got 'M' on
it for 'magic.'

"Or 'Merriwig,' said the Countess to
her diary.

The expression of joy on the King's face
at his daughter's discovery had just time to
appear and fade away again.

DRAWS HIS SWORD

"You are not being very helpful this
morning, Countess," he said severely.

Instantly the Countess was on her feet,
her diary thrown to the floor — no, never
thrown- -laid gently on the floor, and herself,
hands clasped at her breast, a figure of re-
proachful penitence before him.

"Oh, your Majesty, forgive me — if your
Majesty had only asked me- -I didn't know
your Majesty wanted me- -I thought her
Royal Highness- But of course I'll find

your Majesty's sword for you.': Did she
stroke his head as she said this? I have often
wondered. It would be like her impudence,
and her motherliness, and her — and, in fact,
like her. Euralia Past and Present is silent
upon the point. Roger Scurvilegs, who had
only seen Belvane at the unimpressionable
age of two, would have had it against her if
he could, so perhaps there is nothing in it.

'There!' she said, and she picked out
the magic sword almost at once.

' Try it on me"
cried the Countess

THE KING OF EURALIA

'Then I'll get back to my work,' said
Hyacinth cheerfully, and left them to each
other.

The King, smiling happily, girded on his
sword. But a sudden doubt assailed him.

"Are you sure it's the one?'

' Try it on me, " cried the Countess superbly,
falling on her knees and stretching up her
arms to him. The toe of her little shoe
touched her diary; its presence there uplifted
her. Even as she knelt she saw herself de-
scribing the scene. How do you spell
Coffered"? she wondered.

I think the King was already in love with
her, though he found it so difficult to say
the decisive words. But even so he could
only have been in love a week or two; a fort-
night in the last forty years ; and he had worn
a sword since he was twelve. In a crisis it is
the old love and not the greater love which
wins (Roger's, but I think I agree with him),
and instinctively the King drew his sword.

DRAWS HIS SWORD

If it were magic a scratch would kill. Now he
would know.

Her enemies said that the Countess could
not go pale; she had her faults, but this was
not one of them. She whitened as she saw
the King standing over her with drawn
sword. A hundred thoughts chased each
other through her mind. She wondered if
the King would be sorry afterwards; she
wondered what the minstrels would sing of
her, and if her diary would ever be made
public; most of all she wondered why she had
been such a fool, such a melodramatic fool.

The King came to himself with a sudden
start. Looking slightly ashamed he put his
sword back in its scabbard, coughed once or
twice to cover his confusion, and held his hand
out to the Countess to assist her to rise.

'Don't be absurd, Countess/ he said.
'As if we could spare you at a time like
this. Sit down and let us talk matters over
seriously.'5

THE KING OF EURALIA

A trifle bewildered by the emotions she
had gone through, Belvane sat down, the
beloved diary clasped tightly in her arms.
Life seemed singularly sweet just then, the
only drawback being that the minstrels would
not be singing about her after all. Still, one
cannot have everything.

The King walked up and down the room
as he talked.

"I am going away to fight," he said, "and
I leave my dear daughter behind. In my
absence, her Royal Highness will of course
rule the country. I want her to feel that she
can lean upon you, Countess, for advice and
support. I know that I can trust you, for you
have just given me a great proof of your
devotion and courage.'3

"Oh, your Majesty!' said Belvane depre-
catingly, but feeling very glad that it hadn't
been wasted.

"Hyacinth is young and inexperienced.

She needs a — a '

DRAWS HIS SWORD

:<A mother's guiding hand,' said Belvane
softly.

The King started and looked away. It
was really too late to propose now; he had so
much to do before the morrow. Better leave
it till he came back from the war.

:You will have no official position,' he
went on hastily, 'other than your present
one of Mistress of the Robes; but your
influence on her will be very great.'1

The Countess had already decided on this.
However there is a look of modest resigna-
tion to an unsought duty which is suited to
an occasion of this kind, and the Countess
had no difficulty in supplying it.

'I will do all that I can, your Majesty,
to help — gladly; but will not the Chan-
cellor "

'The Chancellor will come with me. He
is no fighter, but he is good at spells.'1 He
looked round to make sure that they were
alone, and then went on confidentially, "He

THE KING OF EURALIA

tells me that he has discovered in the archives
of the palace a Backward Spell of great value.
Should he be able to cast this upon the enemy
at the first onslaught, he thinks that our
heroic army would have no difficulty in ad-
vancing.'1

"But there will be other learned men,'
said Bel vane innocently, 'so much more
accustomed to affairs than us poor women,
so much better able" — ("What nonsense
I'm talking," she said to herself) — "to advise
her Royal Highness "

"Men like that," said the King, "I shall
want with me also. If I am to invade Barodia
properly I shall need every man in the king-
dom. Euralia must be for the time a country
of women only." He turned to her with
a smile, and said gallantly, 'That will be —

er It is — er — not — er . One may

well — er '

It was so obvious from his manner that
something complimentary was struggling to

DRAWS HIS SWORD

the surface of his mind, that Bel vane felt it
would be kinder not to wait for it.

"Oh, your Majesty,' she said, "you
flatter my poor sex."

"Not at all,' said the King, trying to
remember what he had said. He held out
his hand. 'Well, Countess, I have much
to do."

"I, too, your Majesty.''

She made him a deep curtsey and, clasp-
ing tightly the precious diary, withdrew^.

The King, wrho still seemed worried about
something, returned to his table and took
up his pen. Here Hyacinth discovered him
ten minutes later. His table was covered
with scraps of paper and, her eyes lighting
casually upon one of them, she read these
remarkable words :

' In such a land I should be a most contented
subject''

She looked at some of the others. They
were even shorter:

THE KING OF EURALIA

'That, dear Countess, would be my '

''A country in which even a King '

'Lucky country!'

The last was crossed out and "Bad" written
against it.

'Whatever are these, Father?' said
Hyacinth.

The King jumped up in great confusion.
"Nothing, dear, nothing,' he said. "I

was just — er Of course I shall have to

address my people, and I was just jotting down

a few However, I shan't want them

now." He swept them together, screwed them
up tight, and dropped them into a basket.

And what became of them? you ask. Did
they light the fires of the Palace next morn-
ing? Well, now, here's a curious thing. In
Chapter X of Euralia Past and Present I
happened across these words :

'The King and all the men of the land
having left to fight the wicked Barodians,
Euralia was now a country of women only

DRAWS HIS SWORD

— a country in which even a King might be
glad to be a subject."

Now what does this mean? Is it another
example of literary theft? I have already
had to expose Shelley. Must I now drag
into the light of day a still worse plagiarism
by Roger Scurvilegs? The waste-paper
baskets of the Palace were no doubt open
to him as to so many historians. But should
he not have made acknowledgments?

I do not wish to be hard on Roger. That I
differ from him on many points of historical
fact has already been made plain, and will
be made still more plain as my story goes on.
But I have a respect for the man ; and on some
matters, particularly those concerning Prince
Udo of Araby's first appearance in Euralia,
I have to rely entirely upon him for my infor-
mation. Moreover I have never hesitated to
give him credit for such of his epigrams as I
have introduced into this book, and I like

to think that he would be equally punctilious

THE KING OF EURALIA

to others. We know his romantic way; no
doubt the thought occurred to him inde-
pendently. Let us put it at that, anyhow.

Belvane, meanwhile, was getting on. The
King had drawn his sword on her and she
had not flinched. As a reward she was to be
the power behind the throne.

"Not necessarily behind the throne,' said
Belvane to herself.

CHAPTER IV

THE PRINCESS HYACINTH LEAVES IT TO THE

COUNTESS

IT is now time to introduce Wiggs to you,
and I find myself in a difficulty at once.
What was Wiggs's position in the Palace?
This story is hard to tell, for I have to
piece it together from the narratives of others,
and to supply any gaps in their stories from
my knowledge of how the different characters
might be expected to act. Perhaps, there-
tore, it is a good moment in which to introduce
to you the authorities upon whom I rely.

THE PRINCESS LEAVES

First and foremost, of course, comes Roger
Scurvilegs. His monumental work, Euralia
Past and Present, in seventeen volumes,
towers upon my desk as I write. By the
merest chance I picked it up (in a meta-
phorical sense) at that little shop near — I
forget its name, but it's the third bookshop
on the left as you come into London from the
New Barnet end. Upon him I depend for the
broad lines of rny story, and I have already
indicated my opinion of the value of his work.

Secondly, come the many legends and
ballads handed on to me years ago by my
aunt by marriage, one of the Cornish Small-
noses. She claims to be a direct descendant
of that Henry Smallnose whose lucky shot
brought about the events which I am to
describe. I say she claims to be, and one
cannot doubt a lady's word in these matters;
certainly she used to speak about Henry with
that mixture of pride and extreme familiarity
which comes best from a relation. In all

IT TO THE COUNTESS

matters not touching Henry, I feel that I
can rely upon her; in its main lines her narra-
tive is strictly confirmed by Scurvilegs, and
she brought to it a picturesqueness and an
appreciation of the true character of Belvane
which is lacking in the other; but her attitude
towards Henry Smallnose was absurd. Indeed
she would have had him the hero of the story.
This makes Roger and myself smile. We give
him credit for the first shot, and then we drop
him.

Thirdly, Belvane herself. Women like
Belvane never die, and I met her (or a rein-
carnation of her) at a country house in Shrop-
shire last summer. I forget what she calls
herself now, but I recognised her at once;
and, as I watched her, the centuries rolled
away and she and I were in Euralia, that
pleasant country, together. 'Stayed to tea
and was very charming. 5: Would she have
said that of me, I wonder? But I'm getting

sentimental — Roger's great fault.
4 49

THE PRINCESS LEAVES

These then are my authorities; I consult
them, and I ask myself, What was Wiggs?

Roger speaks of her simply as an attendant
upon the Princess. Now we know that the
Princess was seventeen; Wiggs then would
be about the same age — a lady-in-waiting —
perhaps even a little older. Why not? you
say. The Lady Wiggs, maid-of-honour to
her Royal Highness the Princess Hyacinth,
eighteen and a bit, tall and stately. Since
she is to endanger Belvane's plans, let her be
something of a match for the wicked woman.

Yes, but you would never talk like that if you
had heard one of my aunt's stories. Nor if you
had seen Belvane would you think that any
grown-up woman could be a match for her.

Wiggs was a child; I feel it in my bones.
In all the legends and ballads handed down
to me by my aunt she appears to me as a
little girl — Alice in a fairy story. Roger or
no Roger I must have her a child.

And even Roger cannot keep up the farce

IT TO THE COUNTESS

that she is a real lady-in-waiting. In one
place he tells us that she dusts the throne
of the Princess; can you see her ladyship,
eighteen last February, doing that? At other
times he allows her to take orders from the
Countess; I ask you to imagine a maid-of-
honour taking orders from any but her own
mistress. Conceive her dignity!

A little friend, then, of Hyacinth's, let us
say; ready to do anything for anybody who
loved, or appeared to love, her mistress.

The King had departed for the wars. His
magic sword girded to his side, his cloak of
darkness, not worn but rolled up behind him,
lest the absence of his usual extensive shadow
should disturb his horse, he rode at the head
of his men to meet the enemy. Hyacinth had
seen him off from the Palace steps. Five
times he had come back to give her his last
instructions, and a sixth time for his sword,
but now he was gone, and she was alone on the
castle walls with Wiggs.

THE PRINCESS LEAVES

"Saying good-bye to fathers is very tiring,"
said Hyacinth. 'I do hope he'll be all right.
Wiggs, although we oughtn't to mention it
to anybody, and although he's only just gone,
we do think it will be rather fun being Queen,
don't we?"

"It must be lovely,' said Wiggs, gazing
at her with large eyes. 'Can you really do
whatever you like now?'

Hyacinth nodded.

"I always did whatever I liked, " she said,
"but now I really can do it.':

"Could you cut anybody's head off?'

" Easily, " said the Princess confidently.

"I should hate to cut anybody's head off."

"So should I, Wiggs. Let's decide to have
no heads off just at present — till we're more
used to it."

Wiggs still kept her eyes fixed upon the
Princess.

"Which is stronger,' she asked, "you or

a Fairy?"

IT TO THE COUNTESS

"I knew you were going to ask something
horrid like that, ' said Hyacinth, pretending
to be angry. She looked quickly round to
see that nobody was listening, and then
whispered in Wigg's ear, "I am."

" O— oh ! " said Wiggs. " How lovely ! "

"Isn't it? Did you ever hear the story of
Father and the Fairy?'

"His Majesty?"

"His Majesty the King of Euralia. It
happened in the forest one day just after
he became King."

Did you ever hear the story? I expect not.
Well, then, you must hear it. But there will
be too many inverted commas in it if I let
Hyacinth tell you, so I shall tell you myself.

It was just after he became King. He was
so proud that he used to go about saying,
"I am the King. I am the King." And
sometimes , ' ' The King am I . The King I am . ' '
He was saying this one day in the forest when
a Fairy overheard him. So she appeared in

Five times he had come back to give
her his last instructions

THE PRINCESS LEAVES

front of him and said, 'I believe you are the
King?"

"I am the King,' said Merriwig. "I am

the King, I am the '

"And yet,' said the Fairy, 'what is a
King after all?"

'It is a very powerful thing to be a King,"
said Merriwig proudly.

'Supposing I wrere to turn you into a —
a small sheep. Then where would you be?"
The King thought anxiously for a mo-
ment.

'I should like to be a small sheep, " he said.
The Fairy waved her wand.
'Then you can be one,' she said, "until
you own that a Fairy is much more powerful
than a King.'1

So all at once he was a small sheep.
"Well? "said the Fairy.
"Well? "said the King.
'Which is more powerful, a King or a
Fairy?"

IT TO THE COUNTESS

"A King," said Merriwig. 'Besides being
more woolly," he added.

There was silence for a little. Merriwig
began to eat some grass.

'I don't think much of Fairies/ he said
with his mouth full. 'I don't think they're
very powerful.'1

The Fairy looked at him angrily.
'They can't make you say things you don't
want to say,' he explained.
The Fairy stamped her foot.
'Be a toad,' she said, waving her wand.
'A nasty, horrid, crawling toad."

I've always wanted- began Merriwig
to be a toad,' he ended from lower
down.

Well? "said the Fairy.
I don't think much of Fairies,' said the
King. ' I don't think they're very powerful."
He waited for the Fairy to look at him, but
she pretended to be thinking of something
else. After waiting a minute or two, he added,

. .

THE PRINCESS LEAVES

"They can't make you say things you don't
want to say.':

The Fairy stamped her foot still more
angrily, and moved her wand a third time.

"Be silent!' she commanded. "And stay
silent for ever ! '

There was no sound in the forest. The
Fairy looked at the blue sky through the
green roof above her; she looked through
the tall trunks of the trees to the King's
castle beyond; her eyes fell upon the little
glade on her left, upon the mossy bank on
her right . . . but she would not look down
to the toad at her feet.

No, she wouldn't. . . .

She wouldn't. . . .

And yet

It was too much for her. She could resist
no longer. She looked at the nasty, horrid,
crawling toad, the dumb toad at her feet
that was once a King.

And, catching her eye, the toad — winked.

IT TO THE COUNTESS

Some winks are more expressive than
others. The Fairy knew quite well what
this one meant. It meant:

'I don't think much of Fairies. I don't
think they're very powerful. They can't
make you say things you don't want to
say."

The Fairy waved her wand in disgust.
' Oh, be a King again, " she said impatiently,
and vanished.

And so that is the story of how the King
of Euralia met the Fairy in the forest. Roger
Scurvilegs tells it well- -indeed, almost as
well as I do — but he burdens it with a moral.
You must think it out for yourself; I shall
not give it to you.

Wiggs didn't bother about the moral. Her
elbows on her knees, her chin resting on her
hands, she gazed at the forest and imagined
the scene to herself.

'How wonderful to be a King like that!"
she thought.

THE PRINCESS LEAVES

:That was a long time ago,' explained
Hyacinth. 'Father must have been rather
lovely in those days," she added.

'It was a very bad Fairy," said Wiggs.
'It was a very stupid one. I wouldn't
have given in to Father like that.':

'But there are good Fairies, aren't there?
I met one once.':

"You, child? Where?"
I don't know if it would have made any
difference to Euralian history if Wiggs had
been allowed to tell about her Fairy then;
as it was, she didn't tell the story till later
on, when Belvane happened to be near. I
regret to say that Belvane listened. It was
the sort of story that always got overheard,
she explained afterwards, as if that were any
excuse. On this occasion she was just too
early to overhear, but in time to prevent the
story being told without her.

'The Countess Belvane,' said an attend-
ant, and her ladyship made a superb entry.

IT TO THE COUNTESS

"Good morning, Countess," said Hyacinth.

"Good morning, your Royal Highness.
Ah, Wiggs, sweet child/ she added care-
lessly, putting out a hand to pat the sweet
child's head, but missing it.

"Wiggs was just telling me a story,' said
the Princess.

" Sweet child, " said Belvane, feeling vaguely
for her with the other hand. 'Could I in-
terrupt the story with a little business, your
Royal Highness?'

At a nod from the Princess, Wiggs withdrew.

"Well?" said Hyacinth nervously.

Belvane had always a curious effect on the
Princess when they were alone together.
There was something about her large man-
ner which made Hyacinth feel like a school-
girl who has been behaving badly: alarmed
and apologetic. I feel like this myself when
I have an interview with my publishers, and
Roger Scurvilegs (upon the same subject)

drags in a certain uncle of his before whom

THE PRINCESS LEAVES

(so he says) he always appears at his worst.
It is a common experience.

'Just one or two little schemes to submit
to your Majesty," said the Countess. 'How
silly of me — I mean, your Royal Highness.
Of course your Royal Highness may not
like them at all, but in case your Royal
Highness did, I just — well, I just wrote them
out."

She unfolded, one by one, a series of orna-
mental parchments.

"They are beautifully written,' said the
Princess.

Belvane blushed at the compliment. She
had a passion for coloured inks and rulers.
In her diary the day of the week was always
underlined in red, the important words in
the day's doings being frequently picked
out in gold. On taking up the diary you saw
at once that you were in the presence of
somebody.

The first parchment was headed :

IT TO THE COUNTESS

SCHEME FOR ECONOMY IN REALM

'Economy' caught the eye in pale pinkc
The next parchment was headed :

SCHEME FOR SAFETY OF REALM

'Safety" clamoured to you in blue.
The third parchment was headed :

SCHEME FOR ENCOURAGEMENT OF LITERATURE IN REALM

'Encouragement of Literature' had got
rather cramped in the small quarters avail-
able for it. A heading, Belvane felt, should
be in one line; she had started in letters too
big for it, and the fact that the green ink was
giving out made it impossible to start afresh.

There were ten parchments altogether.

By the end of the third one, the Princess
began to feel uncomfortable.

By the end of the fifth one she knew that
it was a mistake her ever having come into
the Royal Family at all.

THE PRINCESS AND COUNTESS

By the end of the seventh she decided that
if the Countess would forgive her this time
she would never be naughty again.

By the end of the ninth one she was just
going to cry.

The tenth one was in a very loud orange
and was headed :

SCHEME FOR ASSISTING CALISTHENICS IN REALM

"Yes/ said the Princess faintly; "I think
it would be a good idea.':

"I thought if your Royal Highness ap-
proved," said Belvane, 'we might just "

Hyacinth felt herself blushing guiltily —
she couldn't think why.

"I leave it to you, Countess,' she mur-
mured. "I am sure you know best.' :

It was a remark which she would never
have made to her Father.

CHAPTER V

BELVANE INDULGES HER HOBBY

IN a glade in the forest the Countess Bel-
vane was sitting: her throne, a fallen
log, her courtiers, that imaginary
audience which was always with her. For
once in her life she was nervous; she had an
anxious morning in front of her.

I can tell you the reason at once. Her
Royal Highness was going to review her Royal
Highness's Army of Amazons (see Scheme 77,
Safety of Realm). In half an hour she would

be here.

BELVANE INDULGES

And why not? you say. Could anything
be more gratifying?

I will tell you why not. There was no
Army of Amazons. In order that her Royal
Highness should not know the sad truth,
Bel vane drew their pay for them. 'Twas
better thus.

In any trouble Belvane comforted herself
by reading up her diary. She undid the
enormous volume, and, idly turning the pages,
read some of the more delightful extracts to
herself.

"Monday, June 1st,' she read. "Became
bad.'

She gave a sigh of resignation to the neces-
sity of being bad. Roger Scurvilegs is of the
opinion that she might have sighed a good
many years before. According to him she
was born bad.

" Tuesday, June 2nd, " she read on. "Real-
ised in the privacy of my heart that I was

destined to rule the country. Wednesday,

HER HOBBY

June 3rd. Decided to oust the Princess.
Thursday, June 4th. Began ousting.'

What a confession for any woman — even
for one who had become bad last Monday!
No wonder Belvane's diary was not for
everybody. Let us look over her shoulder
and read some more of the wicked woman's
confessions.

'Friday, June 5th. Made myself a-
Oh, that's quite private. However we may
read this : ' Thought for the week. Beware
lest you should tumble down In reaching
for another's crown. ' An admirable senti-
ment which Roger Scurvilegs would have
approved, though he could not have rhymed
it so neatly.

The Countess turned on a few more pages
and prepared to write up yesterday's events.
' Tuesday, June 23rd, ' she said to herself.
'Now what happened? Acclaimed with en-
thusiasm outside the Palace — how do you

spell 'enthusiasm'?' She bit the end of her
s 65

BELVANE INDULGES

pencil and pondered. She turned back the
pages till she came to the place.

"Yes," she said thoughtfully. "It had
three * s's' last time, so it's 'z's' turn.'

She wrote " enthuzziazm " lightly in pencil;
later on it would be picked out in gold.

She closed the diary hastily. Somebody
was coming.

It was Wiggs.

'Oh, if you please, your Ladyship, her
Royal Highness sent me to tell you that she
would be here at eleven o'clock to review
her new army."

It was the last thing of which Belvane
wanted reminding.

"Ah, Wiggs, sweet child,' she said, 'y°u
find me overwhelmed.'1 She gave a tragic
sigh. "Leader of the Corps de Ballet" —
she indicated with her toe how this was done,
" Commander-in-Chief of the Army of Ama-
zons"— here she saluted, and it was certainly

the least she could do for the money, "Warden

HER HOBBY

of the Antimacassars and Grand Mistress of
the Robes, I have a busy life. Just come and
dust this log for her Royal Highness. All
this work wears me out, Wiggs, but it is my
duty and I do it.':

"Woggs says you make a very good thing
out of it,' said Wiggs innocently, as she
began to dust. "It must be nice to make
very good things out of things. ';

The Countess looked coldly at her. It is
one thing to confide to your diary that you
are bad, it's quite another to have Woggsseses
shouting it out all over the country.

"I don't know what Woggs is,' said Bel-
vane sternly, 'but send it to me at once.':

As soon as Wiggs was gone, Bel vane gave
herself up to her passions. She strode up
and down the velvety sward, saying to herself,
"Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother!" Her
outbreak of violence over, she sat gloomily
down on the log and abandoned herself to
despair. Her hair fell in two plaits down her

BELVANE INDULGES

back to her waist; on second thoughts she
arranged them in front — if one is going to
despair one may as well do it to the best
advantage.

Suddenly a thought struck her.
'I am alone,' she said. 'Dare I solilo-
quise? I will. It is a thing I have not done

for weeks. 'Oh, what a ' She got up

quickly. 'Nobody could soliloquise on a log
like that," she said crossly. She decided she
could do it just as effectively when standing.
With one pale hand raised to the skies she
began again.

"Oh, what a " ; ,-: ,

"Did you call me, Mum?' said Woggs,
appearing suddenly.

"Bother!'* said Bel vane. She gave a shrug
of resignation. 'Another time,' she told
herself. She turned to Woggs.

Woggs must have been quite close at hand
to have been found by Wiggs so quickly,

and I suspect her of playing in the forest

HER HOBBY

when she ought to have been doing her
lessons, or mending the stockings, or what-
ever made up her day's work. Woggs I find
nearly as difficult to explain as Wiggs; it is
a terrible thing for an author to have a lot of
people running about his book, without any
invitation from him at all. However, since
Woggs is there, we must make the best of
her. I fancy that she was a year or two
younger than Wiggs and of rather inferior
education. Witness her low innuendo about
the Lady Belvane, and the fact that she called
a Countess "Mum."

4 Come here,' said Belvane. 'Are you
what they call Woggs?"

'Please, Mum," said Woggs nervously.
The Countess winced at the 'Mum,' but
went on bravely. 'What have you been
saying about me?"

"N— Nothing, Mum." ri n

Belvane winced again, and said, 'Do you

know what I do to little girls who say things

BELVANE INDULGES

about me? I cut their heads off; I '

She tried to think of something very alarming !
6 1 — I stop their jam for tea. I — I am most
annoyed with them.':

Woggs suddenly saw what a wicked thing
she had done.

'Oh, please, Mum," she said brokenly and
fell on her knees.

"Don't call me 'Mum,'" burst out Bel-
vane. 'It's so ugly. Why do you suppose
I ever wanted to be a countess at all, Woggs,
if it wasn't so as not to be called 'Mum' any
more?'

'I don't know, Mum," said Woggs.
Bel vane gave it up. The whole morning
was going wrong anyhow.

'Come here, child,' she sighed, 'and
listen. You have been a very naughty girl,
but I'm going to let you off this time, and in
return I've something you are going to do
for me.':

:Yes, Mum," said Woggs.

HER HOBBY

Belvane barely shuddered now. A sudden
brilliant plan had come to her.

'Her Royal Highness is about to review
her Army of Amazons. It is a sudden idea
of her Royal Highness's, and it comes at an
unfortunate moment, for it so happens that
the Army is — er- What was the Army

doing? Ah, yes- 'manoeuvring in a distant
part of the country. But we must not dis-
appoint her Royal Highness. What then
shall we do, Woggs?'

* I don't know, Mum, " said Woggs stolidly.
Not having expected any real assistance
from her, the Countess went on, "I will tell
you. You see yonder tree? Armed to the
teeth you will march round and round it,
giving the impression to one on this side of
a large army passing. For this you will be

rewarded. Here is She felt in the

bag she carried. 'No, on second thoughts
I will owe it to you. Now you quite under-
stand?"

BELVANE INDULGES

"Yes, Mum," said Woggs.

"Very well, then. Run along to the Palace
and get a sword and a helmet and a bow and
an arrow and an — an arrow and anything
you like, and then come back here and wait
behind those bushes. When I clap my hands
the army will begin to march.'1

Woggs curtsied and ran off.

It is probable that at this point the Countess
would have resumed her soliloquy, but we
shall never know, for the next moment the
Princess and her Court were seen approaching
from the other end of the glade. Belvane
advanced to meet them.

'Good morning, your Royal Highness,'
she said, "a beautiful day, is it not?'
'Beautiful, Countess.'1

With the Court at her back, Hyacinth for
the moment was less nervous than usual,
but almost at the first words of the Countess
she felt her self-confidence oozing from her.
Did I say I was like this with my publishers?

HER HOBBY

And Roger's dragged-in Uncle — one can't
explain it.

The Court stood about in picturesque
attitudes while Belvane went on :

Your Royal Highness's brave Women
Defenders, the Home Defence Army of Ama-
zons' (here she saluted; one soon gets into
the knack of it, and it gives an air of efficiency)
'have looked forward to this day for weeks.
How their hearts fill with pride at the
thought of being reviewed by your Royal
Highness ! '

She had paid, or rather received, the money
for the Army so often that she had quite
got to believe in its existence. She even
kept a roll of the different companies (it
meant more delightful red ink for one thing),
and wrote herself little notes recommending
Corporal Gretal Hottshott for promotion to
sergeant.

'I know very little about armies, I'm

afraid,' said Hyacinth. "I've always left

BELVANE INDULGES

that to my father. But I think it's a sweet
idea of yours to enrol the women to defend
me. It's a little expensive, is it not? '

:Your Royal Highness, armies are always
expensive.'1

The Princess took her seat, and beckoned
Wiggs with a smile to her side. The Court,
in attitudes even more picturesque than
before, grouped itself behind her.
'Is your Royal Highness ready?'
'Quite ready, Countess.'1

The Countess clapped her hands.

There was a moment's hesitation, and
then, armed to the teeth, Amazon after
Amazon marched by. . . .

An impressive scene. . . .

However, Wiggs must needs try to spoil
it.

'Why, it's Woggs!" she cried.

"Silly child!' said Belvane in an under-
tone, giving her a push.

The Princess looked round inquiringly.

HER HOBBY

"The absurd creature,' explained the
Countess, 'thought she recognised a friend
in your Royal Highness 's gallant Army."

4 How clever of her ! They all look exactly
alike to me. '

Belvane was equal to the occasion.

"The uniform and discipline of an army
have that effect rather,' she said. 'It has
often been noticed.'1

'I suppose so," said the Princess vaguely.
"Oughtn't they to march in fours? I seem
to remember, when I came to reviews with

Father "

'Ah, your Royal Highness, that was an
army of men. With women — well, we found
that if they marched side by side, they would
talk all the time.'1

The Court, which had been resting on the
right leg with the left knee bent, now rested
on the left leg with the right knee bent.
Woggs also was getting tired. The last
company of the Army of Amazons was not

Armed to the teeth, Amazon
after Amazon marched by

BELVANE INDULGES

marching with the abandon of the first
company.

'I think I should like them to halt now
so that I can address them, ' ' said Hyacinth.

Belvane was taken aback for the moment.

"I am afraid, your — your Royal High-
ness,' she stammered, her brain working
busily all the time, 'that that would be
contrary to — to — to the spirit of — er — the
King's Regulations. An army — an army in
marching order — must — er — march." She
made a long forward movement with her
hand. 'Must march,' she repeated, with
an innocent smile.

"I see,' said Hyacinth, blushing guiltily
again.

Belvane gave a loud cough. The last
veteran but two of the Army looked inquir-
ingly at her and passed. The last veteran but
one came in and was greeted with a still
louder cough. Rather tentatively the last
veteran of all entered and met such an un-

HER HOBBY

mistakable frown that it was obvious that the
march-past was over. . . . Woggs took off
her helmet and rested in the bushes.

"That is all, your Royal Highness,' said
Belvane. "158 marched past, 217 reported
sick, making 622; 9 are on guard at the
Palace— 632 and 9 make 815. Add 28 under
age and we bring it up to the round thousand.''

Wiggs opened her mouth to say something,
but decided that her mistress would probably
wish to say it instead. Hyacinth, however,
merely looked unhappy.

Belvane came a little nearer.

"I — er — forgot if I mentioned to your
Royal Highness that we are paying out to-
day. One silver piece a day and several days
in the week, multiplied by — how many did
I say? — comes to ten thousand pieces of gold.'1
She produced a document, beautifully ruled.
"If your Royal Highness would kindly initial
here "

Mechanically the Princess signed.

BELVANE INDULGES

"Thank you, your Royal Highness. And
now perhaps I had better go and see about
it at once.':

She curtsied deeply, and then, remembering
her position, saluted and marched off.

Now Roger Scurvilegs would see her go
without a pang; he would then turn over
to his next chapter, beginning 'Meanwhile

the King , ' and leave you under the

impression that the Countess Belvane was
a common thief. I am no such chronicler as
that. At all costs I will be fair to my
characters.

Belvane, then, had a weakness. She had
several of which I have already told you,
but this was another one. She had a passion
for the distribution of largesse.

I know an old gentleman who plays bowls
every evening. He trundles his skip (or
whatever he calls it) to one end of the green,
toddles after it, and trundles it back again.
Think of him for a moment, and then think

HER HOBBY

of Belvane on her cream-white palfrey tossing
a bag of gold to right of her and flinging a bag
of gold to left of her, as she rides through the
cheering crowds; upon my word I think hers
is the more admirable exercise.

And, I assure you, no less exacting. When
once one has got into this habit of 'flinging'
or "tossing" money, to give it in any ordinary
way, to slide it gently into the palm, is un-
bearable. Which of us who has, in an heroic
moment, flung half a crown to a cabman can
ever be content afterwards to hold out a
handful of three-penny bits and coppers to
him? One must always be flinging. . . .

So it was with Belvane. The largesse
habit had got hold of her. It is an expensive
habit, but her way of doing it was less expen-
sive than most. The people were taxed to
pay for the Amazon Army; the pay of the
Amazon Army was flung back at them; could
anything be fairer?

True, it brought her admiration and

BELVANE INDULGES HER HOBBY

applause. But what woman does not like
admiration? Is that an offence? If it is, it
is something very different from the common
theft of which Roger Scurvilegs would accuse
her. Let us be fair.

CHAPTER VI

THERE ARE NO WIZARDS IN BARODIA

MEANWHILE "the King of Euralia
was prosecuting the war with the
99

utmost vigour.

So says Roger in that famous chapter of
his, and certainly Merriwig was very busy.

On the declaration of war the Euralian
forces, in accordance with custom, had
marched into Borodia. However hot ran
the passion between them, the two Kings
always preserved the elementary courtesies
of war. The last battle had taken place in

THERE ARE NO WIZARDS

Euralian territory; this time, therefore,
Barodia was the scene of the conflict. To
Barodia, then, King Merriwig led his army.
Suitable pasture land had been allotted them
as a camping ground, and amid the cheers
of the Barodian populace the Euralians made
their simple preparations for the night.

The two armies had now been sitting
opposite to each other for some weeks, but
neither side had been idle. On the very
first morning Merriwig had put on his Cloak
of Darkness and gone to the enemy's camp
to explore the situation. Unfortunately the
same idea had occurred at the same moment
to the King of Barodia. He also had his
Cloak of Darkness.

Half way across, to the utmost astonish-
ment of both, the two Kings had come
violently into contact. Realising that they
had met some unprecedented enchantment,
they had hurried home after the recoil to
consult their respective Chancellors. The

IN BARODIA

Chancellors could make nothing of it. They
could only advise their Majesties to venture
another attempt on the following morning.

"But by a different route,' said the
Chancellors, " whereby the Magic Pillar shall
be avoided.'1

So by the more southerly path the two
Kings ventured out next morning. Half
way across there was another violent collision,
and both Kings sat down suddenly to think
it out.

"Wonder of wonders,' said Merriwig.
"There is a magic wall stretching between
the two armies.''

He stood up and holding up his hand said
impressively :

"Bo, boll, billy bole.
Wo, woll "

"Mystery of mysteries!' cried the King
of Barodia. 'It can '

He stopped suddenly. Both Kings coughed.

THERE ARE NO WIZARDS

They were remembering with some shame
their fright of yesterday.

"Who are you?" said the King of Barodia.

Merriwig saw that there was need to
dissemble.

"His Majesty's swineherd,' he said, in
what he imagined might be a swineherd's
voice.

"Er — so am I,' said the King of Barodia,
rather feebly.

There was obviously nothing for it but
for them to discuss swine.

Merriwig was comfortably ignorant of the
subject. The King of Barodia knew rather
less than that.

"Er — how many have you?' asked the
latter.

"Seven thousand,' said Merriwig at
random.

"Er — so have I, " said the King of Barodia,
still more feebly.

"Couples," explained Merriwig.

IN BARODIA

"Mine are ones," said the King of Barodia,
determined to be independent at last.

Each King was surprised to find how easy
it wras to talk to an expert on his own subject.
The King of Barodia, indeed, began to feel
reckless.

"Well,' he said, "I must be getting back.
It's — er — milking time."

"So must I," said Merriwig. "By the
way,' he added, "what do you feed yours
on?"

The King of Barodia was not quite sure
if it was apple sauce or not. He decided
that perhaps it wasn't.

"That's a secret,' he said darkly. "Been
handed down from generation to generation."

Merriwig could think of nothing better
to say to this than "Ah!' He said it very
impressively, and with a word of farewell
returned to his camp.

He was in brilliant form over the wassail

bowl that night as he drew a picture of his

THERE ARE NO WIZARDS

triumphant dissimulation. It is only fair
to say that the King of Barodia was in brilliant
form too. . . .

For several weeks after this the battle
raged. Sometimes the whole Euralian army
would line up outside its camp and call upon
the Barodians to fight; at other times the
Barodian army would form fours in full view
of the Euralians in the hope of provoking a
conflict. At intervals the two Chancellors
would look up old spells, scour the country
for wizards, or send each other insulting
messages. At the end of a month it was
difficult to say which side had obtained the
advantage.

A little hill surmounted by a single tree
lay half way between the two camps. Thither
one fine morning came the two Kings and
the two Chancellors on bloody business bent.
(The phrase is Roger's.) Their object was
nothing less than to arrange that personal
fight between the two monarchs which was

IN BARODIA

always a feature of Barodo-Euralian warfare.
The two Kings having shaken hands, their
Chancellors proceeded to settle the details.

' 1 suppose, " said the Chancellor of Barodia,
'that your Majesties will wish to fight with
swords?'

'Certainly,' said the King of Barodia
promptly; so promptly that Merriwig felt
certain that he had a Magic Sword too.

'Cloaks of Darkness are not allowed, of
course, ' ' said the Chancellor of Euralia.

'Why, have you got one?" said each King
quickly to the other.

Merriwig was the first to recover himself.

'I have one — naturally,' he said. "It's
a curious thing that the only one of my
subjects who has one is my — er — swine-
herd."

' That's funny, ' ' said the King of Barodia.
'My swineherd has one too.':

'Of course,' said Merriwig, "they are
almost a necessity to swineherding."

THERE ARE NO WIZARDS

"Particularly in the milking season,' said
the King of Barodia.

They looked at each other with added
respect. Not many Kings in those days had
the technicalities of such a humble trade at
their fingers' ends.

The Chancellor of Barodia had been re-
ferring to the precedents.

"It was after the famous conflict between
the two grandfathers of your Majesties that
the use of the Magic Cloak in personal combats
was discontinued.'1

"Great-grandfathers,' said the Chancellor
of Euralia.

"Grandfathers, I think.'1

"Great-grandfathers, if I am not mis-
taken.'

Their tempers were rising rapidly, and
the Chancellor of Barodia was just about to
give the Chancellor of Euralia a push when
Merriwig intervened.

"Never mind about that,' he said im-

IN BARODIA

patiently. Tell us what happened when
our — our ancestors fought."

'It happened in this way, your Majesty.
Your Majesty's grandfather

"Great-grandfather,' said a small voice.

The Chancellor cast one bitter look at his
opponent and went on :

"The ancestors of your two Majesties
arranged to settle the war of that period by
personal combat. The two armies were drawn
up in full array. In front of them the two
monarchs shook hands. Drawing their swords
and casting their Magic Cloaks around them,
they "

"Well?" said Merriwig eagerly.

" It is rather a painful story, your Majesty. '

"Go on, I shan't mind."

"Well, your Majesty, drawing their swords
and casting their Magic Cloaks around them
they — h'r'm — returned to the wassail bowl."

"Dear, dear," said Merriwig.

"When the respective armies, who had

When the respective armies returned to
camp they found their Majesties
asleep

THERE ARE NO WIZARDS

been waiting eagerly the whole of the after-
noon for some result of the combat, returned
to camp, they found their Majesties — —

'Asleep,' said the Chancellor of Euralia
hastily.

'Asleep,' agreed the Chancellor of Baro-
dia. 'The excuse of their two Majesties
that they had suddenly forgotten the day,
though naturally accepted at the time, was
deemed inadequate by later historians.'1 (By
Roger and myself, anyway.)

Some further details were discussed, and
then the conference closed. The great fight
was fixed for the following morning.

The day broke fine. At an early hour
Merriwig was up and practising thrusts upon
a suspended pillow. At intervals he would
consult a little book entitled Sword Play for
Sovereigns, and then return to his pillow. At
breakfast he was nervous but talkative.
After breakfast he wrote a tender letter to

Hyacinth and a still more tender one to the

IN BARODIA

Countess Bel vane, and burnt them. He
repeated his little rhyme, 'Bo, Boll, Bill,
Bole,' several times to himself until he was
word perfect. It was just possible that it
might be useful. His last thoughts as he rode
on to the field were of his great-grandfather.
Without admiring him, he quite saw his
point.

The fight was a brilliant one. First Merri-
wig aimed a blow at the King of Barodia's
head which the latter parried. Then the
King of Barodia aimed a blow at his adver-
sary's head which Merriwig parried. This
went on three or four times, and then Merri-
wig put into practice a remarkable trick which
the Captain of his Bodyguard had taught him.
It was his turn to parry, but instead of doing
this, he struck again at his opponent's head;
and if the latter in sheer surprise had not
stumbled and fallen, there might have been a
very serious ending to the affair.

Noon found them still at it; cut and parry,

THERE ARE NO WIZARDS

cut and parry; at each stroke the opposing
armies roared their applause. When darkness
put an end to the conflict, honours were evenly
divided.

It was a stiff but proud King of Euralia
who received the congratulations of his sub-
jects that night ; so proud that he had to pour
out his heart to somebody. He wrote to his
daughter.

''iVJL

MY DEAR HYACINTH,

You will be glad to hear that your
father is going on well and that Euralia is
as determined as ever to uphold its honour
and dignity. To-day I fought the King of
Barodia, and considering that, most unfairly,
he was using a Magic Sword, I think I may
say that I did well. The Countess Bel vane
will be interested to hear that I made 4,638
strokes at my opponent and parried 4,637
strokes from him. This is good for a man of
my age. Do you remember that magic oint-

IN BARODIA

ment my aunt used to give me? Have we
any of it left?

'I played a very clever trick trie other
day by pretending to be a swineherd. I
talked to a real one I met for quite a long
time about swine without his suspecting me.
The Countess might be interested to hear
this. It would have been very awkward for
me if it had been found out who I was.

4 1 hope you are getting along all right.
Do you consult the Countess Bel vane at all?
I think she would be able to advise you in
any difficulties. A young girl needs a guiding
hand, and I think the Countess would be able
to advise you in any difficulties. Do you
consult her at all?

' I am afraid this is going to be a long war.
There doesn't seem to be a wizard in the
country at all, and without one it is a little
difficult to know how to go on. I say my
spell every now and then — you remember
the one:

THERE ARE NO WIZARDS

* Bo, boll, bill, bole.
Wo, woll, will, wole.'

and it certainly keeps off dragons, but we
don't seem to get any nearer defeating the
enemy's army. You might tell the Countess
Belvane that about my spell; she would be
interested.

'To-morrow I go on with ray fight with
the King of Barodia. I feel quite confident
now that I can hold him. He parries well,
but his cutting is not very good. I am glad
the Countess found my sword for me; tell her
that it has been most useful.

'I must now close as I must go to bed so
as to be ready for my fight to-morrow. Good-
bye, dear. I am always,

"YouR LOVING FATHER.

4 P.S. — I hope you are not finding your
position too difficult. If you are in any
difficulties you should consult the Countess
Belvane. I think she would be able to advise

IN BARODIA

you. Don't forget about that ointment.
Perhaps the Countess might know about
some other kind. It's for stiffness. I am
afraid this is going to be a long war.':

The King sealed up the letter and des-
patched it by special messenger the next
morning. It came to Hyacinth at a critical
moment. We shall see in the next chapter
what effect it had upon her.

CHAPTER VII ,

THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A LETTER AND

WRITES ONE

F • "VHE Princess Hyacinth came in from her
morning's ride in a very bad temper.
She went straight up to her favourite
seat on the castle walls and sent for Wiggs.
"Wiggs," she said, "what's the matter with
me?'

Wiggs looked puzzled. She had been
dusting the books in the library; and when
you dust books you simply must stop every

THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A

now and then to take just one little peep
inside, and then you look inside another
one and another one, and by the time you
have finished dusting, your head is so full of
things you have seen that you have to be asked
questions very slowly indeed.

"I'm pretty, aren't I?' went on Hya-
cinth.

That was an easy one.
'Lovely!" said Wiggs, with a deep breath.
'And I'm not unkind to anybody?'
'Unkind!" said Wiggs indignantly.
'Then why — oh, Wiggs, I know it's silly
of me, but it hurts me that my people are so
much fonder of the Countess than of me."

"Oh, I'm sure they're not, your Royal
Highness.'1

"Well, they cheer her much louder than
they cheer me.';

Wiggs tried to think of a way of comfort-
ing her mistress, but her head was still full
of the last book she had dusted.

LETTER AND WRITES ONE

"Why should they be so fond of her?'
demanded Hyacinth.

"Perhaps because she's so funny,' said
Wiggs.

"Funny! Is she funny?" said the Princess
coldly. "She doesn't make me laugh. "

"Well, it was funny of her to make Woggs
march round and round that tree like that,
wasn't it?'

"Like what? You don't mean- The

Princess's eyes were wide open with as-
tonishment. "Was that Woggs all the
time?"

"Yes, your Royal Highness. Wrasn't it
lovely and funny of her?'

The Princess looked across to the forest
and nodded to herself.

"Yes. That's it. Wiggs, I don't believe
there has ever been an Army at all. . . .
And I pay them every week!' She added
solemnly, "There are moments when I don't
believe that woman is quite honest.'1

THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A

"Do you mean she isn't good?' asked
Wiggs in awe.

Hyacinth nodded.

"I'm never good," said Wiggs firmly.

"What do you mean, silly? You're the
best little girl in Euralia."

"I'm not. I do awful things sometimes.
Do you know what I did yesterday?'

"Something terrible!" smiled Hyacinth.

"I tore my apron."

"You baby! That isn't being bad,' said
Hyacinth absently. She was still thinking
of that awful review.

'The Countess says it is.':

"The Countess!"

'Do you know why I want to be very
good?' said Wiggs, coming up close to the
Princess.

"Why, dear?"

'Because then I could dance like a fairy. '

' Is that how it's done? " asked the Princess,
rather amused. 'The Countess must dance

100

LETTER AND WRITES ONE

very heavily. J! She suddenly remembered
something and added: 'Why, of course,
child, you were going to tell me about a fairy
you met, weren't you? That was weeks
ago, though. Tell me now. It will help me
to forget things which make me rather
angry."

It was a simple little story. There must
have been many like it in the books which
Wiggs had been dusting; but these were
simple times, and the oldest story always
seemed new.

Wiggs had been by herself in the forest.
A baby rabbit had run past her, terrified;
a ferret in pursuit. Wiggs had picked the
little fluffy thing up in her arms and com-
forted it; the ferret had slowed down, walked
past very indifferently with its hands, as it
were, in its pockets, hesitated a moment, and
then remembered an important letter which
it had forgotten to post. Wiggs wras left alone
with the baby rabbit, and before she knew

101

rabbit was gone, and there
was a fairy in front of her

THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A

where she was, the rabbit was gone and there
was a fairy in front of her.

You have saved my life, ' said the fairy.
'That was a wicked magician after me, and
if he had caught me then, he would have
killed me. '

'Please, your Fairiness, I didn't know
fairies could die," said Wiggs.

' They can when they take on animal shape
or human shape. He could not hurt me now,

but before ' She shuddered.

"I'm so glad you're all right now,' said
Wiggs politely.

' Thanks to you, my child. I must reward
you. Take this ring. When you have been
good for a whole day, you can have one good
wish; when you have been bad for a whole
day, you can have one bad wish. One good
wish and one bad wish — that is all it will
allow anybody to have. '

With these words she vanished and left

Wiggs alone with the ring.

102

LETTER AND WRITES ONE

So, ever after that, Wiggs tried desperately
hard to be good and have the good wish,
but it was difficult work. Something always
went wrong; she tore her apron or read books
when she ought to have been dusting, or-
Well, you or I would probably have given
it up at once, and devoted ourselves to earn-
ing the bad wish. But Wiggs was a nice little
girl.

"And, oh, I do so want to be good,' said
Wiggs earnestly to the Princess, 'so that I
could wish to dance like a fairy.'1 She had
a sudden anxiety. "That is a good wish,

isn't it?"

"It's a lovely wish; but I'm sure you could
dance now if you tried.'

"I can't,' said Wiggs. "I always dance
like this.

She jumped up and danced a few steps.
Wiggs was a dear little girl, but her dancing
reminded you of a very dusty road going
up-hill all the way, with nothing but suet-

103

THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A

puddings waiting for you on the top. Some-
thing like that.

"It isn't really graceful, is it?' she said
candidly, as she came to rest.

"Well, I suppose the fairies do dance better
than that. '

"So that's why I want to be good, so as I
can have my wish. '

"I really must see this ring,' said the
Princess. "It sounds fascinating.'' She
looked coldly in front of her and added,
"Good-morning, Countess. ': (How long had
the woman been there?)

"Good-morning, your Royal Highness. I
ventured to come up unannounced. Ah, sweet
child.'1 She waved a caressing hand at Wiggs.

(Even if she had overheard anything, it
had only been child's talk.)

"What is it?' asked *He Princess. She
took a firm hold of the arms of her chair.
She would not, not, not give way to the Coun-
tess this time.

104

LETTER AND WRITES ONE

"The merest matter of business, your
Royal Highness. Just this scheme for the
Encouragement of Literature. Your Royal
Highness very wisely decided that in the
absence of the men on the sterner business
of righting it was the part of us women to
encourage the gentler arts; and for this pur-
pose . . . there was some talk of a competi-
tion, and — er—

"Ah, yes,' said Hyacinth nervously. "I
will look into that to-morrow. '

"A competition,' said Bel vane, gazing
vaguely over Hyacinth's head. 'Some sort
of a money prize, " she added, as if in a trance.

"There should certainly be some sort of
a prize,' agreed the Princess. (Why not,
she asked herself, if one is to encourage
literature?)

'Bags of gold,' murmured Belvane to
herself. 'Bags and bags of gold. Big bags
of silver and little bags of gold." She saw
herself tossing them to the crowd.

105

THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A

"Well, we'll go into that to-morrow,'
said Hyacinth hastily.

" I have it all drawn up here, " said Bel vane.
"Your Royal Highness has only to sign. It
saves so much trouble,' she added with a
disarming smile. . . . She held the document
out — all in the most beautiful colours.

Mechanically the Princess signed.

"Thank you, your Royal Highness.'1 She
smiled again, and added, "And now perhaps
I had better see about it at once.': The
Guardian of Literature took a dignified fare-
well of her Sovereign and withdrew.

Hyacinth looked at Wiggs in despair.

"There!" she said. "That's me. I don't
know what it is about the woman, but I feel
just a child in front of her. Oh, Wiggs, Wiggs,
I feel so lonely sometimes with nothing but
women all around me. I wish I had a man
here to help me. '

"Are all the men fighting in all the

countries?'

106

LETTER AND WRITES ONE

"Not all the countries. There's — Araby
Don't you remember — oh, but of course you
wouldn't know anything about it. But
Father was just going to ask Prince Udo of
Araby to come here on a visit, when the war
broke out. Oh, I wish, I wish Father were
back again.' She laid her head on her arms;
and whether she would have shed a few royal
tears or had a good homely cry, I cannot tell
you. For at that moment an attendant came
in. Hyacinth w^as herself again at once.

'There is a messenger approaching on a
horse, your Royal Highness, " she announced.
'Doubtless from His Majesty's camp."

With a shriek of delight, and an entire lack
of royal dignity, the Princess, followed by
the faithful Wiggs, rushed down to receive him.

Meanwhile, what of the Countess? She
was still in the Palace, and, more than that,
she was in the Throne Room of the Palace,
and, more even than that, she was on the
Throne, of the Throne Room of the Palace.

107

THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A

She couldn't resist it. The door was open
as she came down from her interview with
the Princess, and she had to go in. There
was a woman in there, tidying up, who looked
questioningly at Belvane as she entered.

; You may leave, ' ' said the Countess, with
dignity. 'Her Royal Highness sent me in
here to wait for her."

The woman curtsied and withdrew.

The Countess then uttered these extra-
ordinary words :

"When I am Queen in Euralia they shall
leave me backwards ! '

Her subsequent behaviour was even more
amazing.

She stood by the side of the door, and
putting her hand to her mouth said shrilly,
"Ter-rum, ter-rum, terrumty-umty-um. '
Then she took her hand away and announced
loudly, "Her Majesty Queen Belvane the
First ! ' ' after which she cheered slightly.

Then in came Her Majesty, a very proper

108

LETTER AND WRITES ONE

dignified gracious Queen — none of your seven-
teen-year-old chits. Bowing condescendingly
from side to side she made her way to the
Throne, and with a sweep of her train she
sat down.

Courtiers were presented to her; repre-
sentatives from foreign countries; Prince
Hanspatch of Tregong, Prince Ulric, the
Duke of Highanlow.

"Ah, my dear Prince Hanspatch/ she
cried, stretching out her hand to the right
of her; 'and you, dear Prince Ulric,' with
a graceful movement of the left arm towards
him; "and, dear Duke, you also!' Her right
hand, which Prince Hanspatch had by now
finished with, went out to the Duke of High-
anlow that he too might kiss it.

But it was arrested in mid-air. She felt
rather than saw that the Princess was
watching her in amazement from the door-
way. ....; . •:>, • -. . . •.

Without looking round she stretched out

109

THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A

again first one arm and then the other. Then,
as if she had just seen the Princess, she jumped
up in a pretty confusion.

'Oh, your Royal Highness,' she cried,
:'you caught me at my physical exercises!'
She gave a self-conscious little laugh. 'My
physical exercises — a forearm movement.'
Once again she stretched out her arm.
'Building up the — er — building up — build-
ing up '

Her voice died away, for the Princess still
looked coldly at her.

'Charming, Countess,' she said. 'I am
sorry to interrupt you, but I have some news
for you. You will like to know that I am
inviting Prince Udo of Araby here on a visit.
I feel we want a little outside help in our
affairs. '

'Prince Udo?' cried the Countess.
"Here?"

'Have you any objection?' said Hya-
cinth. She found it easier to be stern now,

110

LETTER AND WRITES ONE

for the invitation had already been sent
off by the hand of the King's Messenger.
Nothing that the Countess could say could
influence her.

'No objection, your Royal Highness; but
it seems so strange. And then the expense!
Men are such hearty eaters. Besides,' she
looked with a charming smile from the Princess
to Wiggs, 'we were all getting on so nicely
together! Of course if he just dropped in for
afternoon tea one day-

4 He will make a stay of some months, I
hope.'1 There were no wizards in Barodia,
and therefore the war would be a long one.
It was this which had decided Hyacinth.

'Of course,' said Bel vane, 'whatever
your Royal Highness wishes, but I do think
that His Majesty "

'My dear Countess," said Hyacinth, with
a smile, 'the invitation has already gone,
so there's nothing more to be said, is there?
Had you finished your exercises? Yes? Then,

111

THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A

Wiggs, will you conduct her ladyship down-
stairs?'

She turned and left her. The Countess
watched her go, and then stood tragically in
the middle of the room, clasping her diary
to her breast.

"This is terrible!' she said. "I feel years
older.' She held out her diary at arm's
length and said in a gloomy voice, 'What
an entry for to-morrow!' The thought
cheered her up a little. She began to consider
plans. How could she circumvent this terrible
young man who was going to put them all in
their places. She wished that

All at once she remembered something.

"Wiggs,' she said, "what was it I heard
you saying to the Princess about a wish?'

'Oh, that's my ring,' said Wiggs eagerly.
"If you've been good for a whole day you can
have a good wish. And my wish is that '

"A wish!" said Bel vane to herself. "Well,

I wish that ' A sudden thought struck

112

LETTER AND WRITES ONE

her. "You said that you had to be good for
a whole day first?'

"Yes."

Belvane mused.

"I wonder what they mean by good," she
said.

"Of course,' explained Wiggs, 'if you've
been bad for a whole day you can have a
bad wish. But I should hate to have a bad
wish, wouldn't you?'

'Simply hate it, child,' said Belvane.
" Er — may I have a look at that ring? '

'Here it is,' said Wiggs; 'I always wear
it round my neck. '

The Countess took it from her.

"Listen,' she said. 'Wrasn't that the
Princess calling you? Run along, quickly,
child.'1 She almost pushed her from the
room and closed the door on her.

Alone again, she paced from end to end
of the great chamber, her left hand nursing
her right elbow, her chin in her right hand.
8 113

THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A LETTER

'If you are good for a day,' she mused,
'you can have a good wish. If you are
bad for a day you can have a bad wish.
Yesterday I drew ten thousand pieces of
gold for the Army; the actual expenses were
what I paid — what I owe Woggs. ... I
suppose that is what narrow-minded people
call being bad. ... I suppose this Prince
Udo would call it bad. ... I suppose he
thinks he will marry the Princess and throw
me into prison.'1 She flung her head back
proudly. "Never!"

Standing in the middle of the great Throne
Room, she held the ring up in her two hands
and wished.

"I wish," she said, and there was a terrible
smile in her eyes, "I wish that something
very — very humorous shall happen to Prince
Udo on his journey.

114

CHAPTER VIII

PRINCE UDO SLEEPS BADLY

EVERYBODY likes to make a good im-
pression on his first visit, but there
were moments just before his arrival
in Euralia when Prince Udo doubted whether
the affair would go as well as he had hoped.
You shall hear why.

He had been out hunting with his friend,
the young Duke Coronel, and was returning
to the Palace when Hyacinth's messenger

115

PRINCE UDO

met him. He took the letter from him,
broke the seals, and unrolled it.

"Wait a moment, Coronel,"' he said to his
friend. 'This is going to be an adventure
of some sort, and if it's an adventure I shall
want you with me."

'I'm in no hurry," said Coronel, and he
got off his horse and gave it into the care of
an attendant. The road crossed a stream
here. Coronel sat up on the little stone
bridge and dropped pebbles idly into the
water.

The Prince read his letter.

Plop . . . Plop . . . Plop . . . Plop . . .

The Prince looked up from his letter.

"How many days' journey is it to Eu-
ralia?" he asked Coronel.

"How long did it take the messenger to
come?' answered Coronel, without looking
up. (Plop.)

'I might have thought of that myself,"
said Udo, "only this letter has rather upset

116

SLEEPS BADLY

me." He turned to the messenger. "How
long has it ?'

"Isn't the letter dated?' said Coronel.
(Plop.)

Udo paid no attention to this interrup-
tion and finished his question to the
messenger.

'A week, sire.':

"Ride on to the castle and wait for me.
I shall have a message for you."

'What is it?' said Coronel, when the
messenger had gone. 'An adventure?'

"I think so. I think we may call it that,
Coronel."

"With me in it?"

Yes, I think you will be somewhere in
it."

Coronel stopped dropping his pebbles and
turned to the Prince.

"May I hear about it?"

Udo held out the letter; then, feeling that
a lady's letter should be private, drew it back

117

PRINCE UDO

again. He prided himself always on doing
the correct thing.

'It's from Princess Hyacinth of Euralia,"
he said; 'she doesn't say much. Her father
is away fighting, and she is alone and she is in
some trouble or other. It ought to make
rather a good adventure."

Coronel turned away and began to drop
his pebbles into the stream again.

"Well, I wish you luck," he said. "If it's
a dragon, don't forget that

'But you're coming, too," said Udo, in
dismay. 'I must have you with me."

"Doing what?"

"What?"

'Doing what?" said Coronel again.

'Well," said Prince Udo awkwardly,
"er — well, you — well."

He felt that it was a silly question for
Coronel to have asked. Coronel knew per-
fectly well what he would be doing all the
time. In Udo's absence he would be telling

118

SLEEPS BADLY

Princess Hyacinth stories of his Royal
Highness's matchless courage and wisdom.
An occasional discussion also with the
Princess upon types of masculine beauty,
leading up to casual mention of Prince
Udo's own appearance, wrould be quite in
order. When Prince Udo was present
Coronel would no doubt find the opportunity
of drawing Prince Udo out, an opportunity
of which a stranger could not so readily
avail himself.

But of course you couldn't very well tell
Coronel that. A man of any tact would
have seen it at once.

'Of course," he said, 'don't come if
you don't like. But it would look rather
funny if I went quite unattended; and —
and her Royal Highness is said to be very
beautiful," he added lamely.

Coronel laughed. There are adventures
and adventures; to sit next to a very
beautiful Princess and discuss with her the

119

PRINCE UDO

good looks of another man was not the sort
of adventure that Coronel was looking for.

He tossed the remainder of his pebbles
into the stream and stood up.

"Of course, if your Royal Highness
wishes

"Don't be a fool, Coronel," said his Royal
Highness, rather snappily.

"Well, then, I'll come with my good friend
Udo if he wants me.':
'I do want you.'

"Very well, that settles it. After all," he
added to himself, "there may be two
dragons.''

Two dragons would be one each. But
from all accounts there were not two Prin-
cesses.

• • • • •

So three days later the friends set out
with good hearts upon the adventure. The
messenger had been sent back to announce
their arrival; they gave him three days'

SLEEPS BADLY

start, and hoped to gain two days upon
him. In the simple fashion of those times
(so it would seem from Roger Scurvilegs)
they set out with no luggage and no clear
idea of where they were going to sleep at
night. This, after all, is the best spirit
in which to start a journey. It is the
Gladstone bag which has killed romance.

They started on a perfect summer day,
and they rode past towers and battlements,
and by the side of sparkling streams, and
disappeared into tall pine forests, and came
out into the sunlight again above sleepy
villages, and, as they rode, Coronel sang
aloud and Udo tossed his sword into the
air and caught it again. And as evening fell
they came to a woodman's cottage at the foot
of a high hill, and there they decided to rest
for the night. An old woman came out to
welcome them.

'Good evening, your Royal Highness,"
she said.

As evening fell they came to a woodman's

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cottage at the foot of a high hill

PRINCE UDO

'You know me?' said Udo, more pleased
than surprised.

CI know all who come into my house,"
said the old woman solemnly, 'and all who
go away from it."

This sort of conversation made Coronel
feel creepy. There seemed to be a distinc-
tion between the people who came into the
house and the people who went away from it
which he did not like.

"Can we stay here the night, my good
woman?" said Udo.

:You have hurt your hand," she said,
taking no notice of his question.

"It's nothing," said Udo hastily. On one
occasion he had caught his sword by the sharp
end by mistake — a foolish thing to have done.

"Ah, well, since you won't want hands
where you're going, it won't matter much."

It was the sort of thing old women said
in those days, and Udo did not pay much
attention to it.

SLEEPS BADLY

"Yes, yes," he said; "but can you give my
friend and myself a bed for to-night?'

'Seeing that you won't be travelling
together long, come in and welcome.'1

She opened the door and they followed
her in.

As they crossed the threshold, Udo half
turned round and whispered over his shoulder
to Coronel,

'Probably a fairy. Be kind to her.';

'HowT can one be kind to one's hostess?'
said Coronel. 'It's she who has to be kind
to us.''

'Well, you know what I mean; don't be
rude to her.':

'My dear Udo, this to me — the pride of
Araby, the favourite courtier of his Majesty,
the "

'Oh, all right," said Udo.

'Sit down and rest yourselves," said the
old woman. 'There'll be something in the
pot for you directly.'1

123

PRINCE UDO

"Good," said Udo. He looked approv-
ingly at the large cauldron hanging over the
fire. It was a big fireplace for such a small
room. So he thought when he first looked
at it, but as he gazed, the room seemed to get
bigger and bigger, and the fireplace to get
farther and farther away, until he felt that
he was in a vast cavern cut deep into the
mountainside. He rubbed his eyes, and
there he was in the small kitchen again and
the cauldron was sending out a savoury smell.

"There'll be something in it for all tastes/'
went on the old woman, 'even for Prince
Udo's."

"I'm not so particular as all that," said
Udo mildly. The room had just become
five hundred yards long again, and he was
feeling quiet.

"Not now, but you will be."

She filled them a plate each from the pot;
and pulling their chairs up to the table, they

fell to heartily.

124

SLEEPS BADLY

"This is really excellent," said Udo, as
he put down his spoon and rested for a
moment.

"You'd think you'd always like that,
wouldn't you?" she said.

'I always shall be fond of anything so
perfectly cooked."

:' Ah," remarked the old woman thought-

fully.

Udo was beginning to dislike her par-
ticular style of conversation. It seemed to
carry the merest suggestion of a hint that
something unpleasant might be going to
happen to him. Nothing apparently was
going to happen to Coronel. He tried to
drag Coronel into the conversation in case
the old woman had anything over for him.

'My friend and I," he said, "hope to be in
Euralia the day after to-morrow."

'No harm in hoping," was the answer.

'Dear me, is something going to happen
to us on the way?'

125

PRINCE UDO

'Depends what you call 'us.9

Coronel pushed back his chair and got up.

'I know what's going to happen to me,"
he said. 'I'm going to sleep.'1

"Well," said Udo, getting up too, "we've
got a long day before us to-morrow, and
apparently we are in for an adventure —
er, we are in for an adventure of some sort."
He looked anxiously at the old woman, but
she made no sign. 'And so let's to bed.'

'This way," said the old woman, and by
the light of a candle she led them upstairs.

Udo slept badly. He had a feeling (just
as you have) that something was going to
happen to him; and it was with some sur-
prise that he woke up in the morning to find
himself much as he was when he went to
bed. He looked at himself in the glass; he
invited Coronel to gaze at him; but neither
could discover that anything was the matter.

126

SLEEPS BADLY

"After all," said Udo, "I don't suppose
she meant anything. These old women get
into a way of talking like that. If anybody
is going to be turned into anything, it's much
more likely to be you.':

"Is that why you brought me with you?'
asked Coronel.

I suppose that by this time they had
finished their dressing. Roger Scurvilegs
tells us nothing on such important matters;
no doubt from modesty. 'Next morning
they rose," he says, and disappoints us of a
picture of Udo brushing his hair. They rose
and went down to breakfast.

The old woman was in a less cryptic mood
at breakfast. She wTas particularly hospitable
to Udo, and from some secret store produced
an unending variety of good things for him to
eat. To Coronel it almost looked as if she
were fattening him up for something, but this
suggestion was received with such bad grace
by Udo that he did not pursue the subject.

127

PRINCE UDO

As soon as breakfast was over they started
off again. From one of the many bags of
gold he carried, Udo had offered some ac-
knowledgment to the old woman, but she had
refused to take it.

"Nay, nay," she said. "I shall be amply
rewarded before the day is out." And she
seemed to be smiling to herself as if she knew
of some joke which the Prince and Coronel
did not yet share.

"I like to-day,'" said Coronel as they rode
along. 'There's a smell of adventure in
the air. Red roofs, green trees, blue sky,
white road — I could fall in love to-day. ':

"Who with?" said Udo suspiciously.

"Any one — that old woman, if you like."

"Oh, don't talk of her," said the Prince,
with a shudder. 'Coronel, hadn't you a
sense of being out of some joke that she

• •} 55

was inr

" Perhaps we shall be in it before long. I
could laugh very easily on a morning like this.':

128

SLEEPS BADLY

"Oh, I can see a joke as well as any one,"
said Udo. "Don't be afraid that I shan't
laugh, too. No doubt it will make a good
story, whatever it is, to tell to the Princess
Hyacinth. Coronel," he added solemnly,
the thought having evidently only just oc-
curred to him, 'I am all impatience to help
that poor girl in her trouble.'1 And as if to
show his impatience, he suddenly gave the
reins a shake and cantered ahead of his com-
panion. Smiling to himself, Coronel followed
at his leisure.

They halted at mid -day in a wood, and
made a meal from some provisions which
the old woman had given them; and after
they had eaten, Udo lay down on a mossy
bank and closed his eyes.

"I'm sleepy," he said; *I had a restless
night. Let's stay here awhile; after all,
there's no hurry. ':

"Personally," said Coronel, 'I'm all
impatience to help that '

129

PRINCE UDO SLEEPS BADLY

"I tell you I had a very bad night," said
Udo crossly.

'Oh, well, I shall go off and look for
dragons. Coronel, the Dragon Slayer.
Good-bye."

"Only half an hour," said Udo.

"Right."

With a nod to the Prince he strolled off
among the trees.

130

CHAPTER IX

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

THIS is a painful chapter for me to write.
Mercifully it is to be a short one. Later
on I shall become used to the situation;
inclined, even, to dwell upon its humorous side;
but for the moment I cannot see beyond the sad-
ness of it. That to a Prince of the Royal House
of Araby, and such an estimable young man as
Udo, those things should happen. Roger Scur-
vilegs frankly breaks down over it. ' 'That abom-
inable woman," he says (meaning, of course, Bel-
vane) , and he has hysterics for more than a page.

131

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

Let us describe it calmly.

Coronel came back from his stroll in the
same casual way in which he had started
and dropped down lazily upon the grass to
wait until Udo was ready to mount. He
was not thinking of Udo. He was wonder-
ing if Princess Hyacinth had an attendant
of surpassing beauty, or a dragon of sur-
passing malevolence — if, in fact, there were
any adventures in Euralia for a humble
fellow like himself.

'Coronel!' said a small voice behind him.

He turned round indifferently.

"Hullo, Udo, where are you?' he said.
'Isn't it time we were starting?'

'We aren't starting," said the voice.

'What's the matter? What are you hid-
ing in the bushes for? Whatever 's the matter,
Udo?

'I'm not very well."

"My poor Udo, what's happened?" He
jumped up and made towards him.

132

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

"Stop!" shrieked the voice. "I command
you!"

Coronel stopped.

"Your Royal Highness's commands," he
began rather coldly

There was an ominous sniffing from the
bushes.

"Coronel," said an unhappy voice at last,

"I think I'm coming out."

Wondering what it all meant, Coronel
waited in silence.

"Yes, I am coming out, Coronel," said
the voice. "But you mustn't be surprised
if I don't look very well. I'm- -I'm —
Coronel, here I am," said Udo pathetically
and he stepped out.

Coronel didn't know whether to laugh or
to cry.

Poor Prince Udo!

He had the head and the long ears of a
rabbit, and in some unfortunate way a look
of the real Prince Udo in spite of it. He had

133

Coronel, here I am," said Udo
pathetically, and he stepped out

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

the mane and the tail of a lion. In between
the tail and the rnane it is difficult to say
what he was, save that there was an impres-
sion of magnificence about his person — such
magnificence, anyhow, as is given by an
astrakhan-trimmed fur coat.

Coronel decided that it was an occasion
for tact.

"Ah, here you are," he said cheerfully.
"Shall we get along?"

"Don't be a fool, Coronel," said Udo,
almost crying. "Don't pretend that you
can't see that I've got a tail."

"Why, bless my soul, so you have. A
tail! Well, think of that!"

Udo showed what he thought of it by
waving it peevishly.

"This is not a time for tact," he said.
"Tell me what I look like."

Coronel considered for a moment.
Really frankly?" he asked.
Y — yes," said Udo nervously.

134

(6
66

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

'Then, frankly, your Royal Highness looks
— funny. ';

'Very funny?" said Udo wistfully.

'Very funny," said Coronel.
His Highness sighed.

"I was afraid so," he said. "That's the
cruel part about it. Had I been a lion there
would have been a certain pathetic splen-
dour about my position. Isolated — cut off-
suffering in regal silence.' He waved an
explanatory paw. 'Even in the most hide-
ous of beasts there might be a dignity." He
meditated for a moment. 'Have you ever
seen a yak, Coronel?" he asked.
"Never."

*I saw one once in Barodia. It is not a
beautiful animal, Coronel; but as a yak I
should not have been entirely unlovable.
One does not laugh at a yak, Coronel, and
where one does not laugh one may come
to love. . . . What does my head look

like?" - . . ... • til

135

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

'It looks — striking.'1

It looks — striking. :
I haven't seen it, you see/
'To one who didn't know your Royal
Highness it would convey the impression
of a rabbit.'3

Udo laid his head between his paws and
wept.

"A r — rabbit!' he sobbed. So un-
dignified, so lacking in true pathos, so

And not even a whole rabbit," he added
bitterly.

"How did it happen?'

"I don't know, Coronel. I just went to
sleep, and woke up feeling rather funny,

and " He sat up suddenly and stared

at Coronel. 'It was that old woman did
it. You mark my words, Coronel; she did
it."

"Why should she?"

"I don't know. I was very polite to her.
Don't you remember my saying to you,
'Be polite to her, because she's probably a

136

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

fairy!' You see, I saw through her disguise
at once. Coronel, what shall we do? Let's
hold a council of war and think it over."

So they held a council of war.

Prince Udo put forward two suggestions.

The first was that Coronel should go back
on the morrow and kill the old woman.

The second was that Coronel should go
back that afternoon and kill the old woman.

Coronel pointed out that as she had turned
Prince Udo into — into a — a — ("Quite so,"
said Udo)- -it wras likely that she alone could
turn him back again, and that in that case he
had better only threaten her.

"I want somebody killed," said Udo, rather
naturally.

"Suppose," said Coronel, 'you stay here
for two days while I go back and see the old
witch, and make her tell me what she knows.
She knows something, I'm certain. Then
we shall see better what to do."

Udo mused for a space.

137

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

"Why didn't they turn you into anything?'
he asked.

'Really, I don't know. Perhaps because
I'm too unimportant.'1

;Yes, that must be it.': He began to feel
a little brighter. 'Obviously, that's it." He
caressed a whisker with one of his paws.
'They were afraid of me.':

He began to look so much happier that
Coronel thought it was a favourable moment
in which to withdraw.

'Shall I go now, your Royal Highness?'
:Yes, yes, you may leave me."
'And shall I find you here when I come
back?"

:You may or you may not, Coronel; you
may or you may not. . . . Afraid of me,"
he murmured to himself. 'Obviously."
"And if I don't?"
:Then return to the Palace."
'Good-bye, your Royal Highness.'3
Udo waved a paw at him.

138

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

'Good-bye, good-bye. "

Coronel got on his horse and rode away.
As soon as he was out of earshot he began to
laugh. Spasm after spasm shook him. No
sooner had he composed himself to gravity
than a remembrance of Udo's appearance
started him off again.

'I couldn't have stayed with him a
moment longer," he thought. "I should
have burst. Poor Udo! However, we'll
soon get him all right."

That evening he reached the place where
the cottage had stood, but it was gone. Next
morning he rode back to the wood. Udo
was gone too. He returned to the Palace,
and began to think it out.

Left to himself Udo very soon made up
his mind. There were three courses open
to him.

139

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

He might stay where he was till he was
restored to health.

This he rejected at once. When you have
the head of a rabbit, the tail of a lion, and
the middle of a woolly lamb, the need for
action of some kind is imperative. All the
blood of your diverse ancestors calls to you
to be up and doing.

He might go back to Araby.

To Araby, where he was so well-known,
so respected, so popular? To Araby, where
he rode daily among his father's subjects
that they might have the pleasure of cheering
him? How awkward for everybody!

On to Euralia then?

Why not? The Princess Hyacinth had
called for him. What devotion it showed if
he came to her even now — in his present
state of bad health! She was in trouble:
enchanters, wizards, what-nots. Already,
then, he had suffered in her service — so at

least he would say, and so possibly it might

140

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

be. Coronel had thought him — funny; but
women had not much sense of humour as a
rule. Probably as a child Hyacinth had kept
rabbits ... or lambs. She would find him
— strokable. . . . And the lion in him
... in his tail, his fierce mane . . . she
would find that inspiring. Women like to
feel that there is something fierce, untamable
in the man they love; well, there it was.

It was not as if he had Coronel with him.
Coronel and he (in his present health) could
never have gone into Euralia together;
the contrast was too striking; but he alone,
Hyacinth's only help! Surely she would
appreciate his magnanimity.

Also, as he had told himself a moment ago,
there was quite a chance that it was a
Euralian enchanter who had put this upon
him — to prevent him helping Hyacinth. If
so, he had better go to Euralia in order to
deal with that enchanter. For the moment,
he did not see exactly how to deal with him,

141

THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO

but no doubt he would think of some tremen-
dously cunning device later on.

To Euralia then with all dispatch.

He trotted off. As Coronel had said5
they were evidently afraid of him.

142

CHAPTER X

CHARLOTTE PATACAKE ASTONISHES THE CRITICS

"\HE Lady Bel vane sits in her garden. She
is very happy. An enormous quill-pen,
taken from a former favourite goose
and coloured red, is in her right hand. The
hair of her dark head, held on one side, touches
the paper whereon she writes, and her little
tongue peeps out between her red lips. Her
left hand taps the table — one-twTo, one-two,
one-two, one-two, one-two. She is composing.
Wonderful woman!

143

CHARLOTTE PATACAKE

You remember that scene with the Prin-
cess Hyacinth? "I feel we want a little out-
side help in our affairs." A fortnight of
suspense before Prince Udo arrived. What
had the ring done to him? At the best, even
if there would be no Udo at all to interfere,
nevertheless she knew that she had lost her
footing at the Palace. She and the Princess
would now be open enemies. At the worst —
those magic rings were so untrustworthy! — a
Prince, still powerful, and now seriously an-
noyed, might be leagued against her.

Yet she composed.

And what is she writing? She is enter-
ing for the competition in connection with
the Encouragement of Literature Scheme:
the last scheme which the Princess had
signed.

I like to think of her peacefully writing
at a time when her whole future hung in
the balance. Roger sneers at her. 'Even
now," he says, "she was hoping to wring

144

ASTONISHES THE CRITICS

a last bag-full of gold from her wretched
country." I deny emphatically that she
was doing anything of the sort. She was
entering for a duly authorised competition
under the pen-name of Charlotte Patacake.
The fact that the Countess Belvane, accord-
ing to the provisions of the scheme, was sole
judge of the competition, is beside the point.
Belvane's opinion of Charlotte Patacake's
poetry was utterly sincere, and uninfluenced
in any way by monetary considerations.
If Patacake were rewarded the first prize it
would be because Belvane honestly thought
she was worth it.

One other fact by way of defence against
Roger's slanders. As judge, Belvane had
chosen the subject of the prize poems. Now
Belvane and Patacake both excelled in the
lighter forms of lyrical verse; yet the subject
of the poem was to be epic. 'The Barodo-
Euralian War ' — no less. How many modern
writers would be as fair?

145

CHARLOTTE PATACAKE
"THE BARODO-EURALIAN WAR."

This line is written in gold, and by itself
would obtain a prize in any local compe-
tition.

King Merriwig the First rode out to war

As many other kings had done before!

Five hundred men behind him marched to fight —

There follows a good deal of scratching
out, and then comes (a sudden inspiration)
this sublimely simple line:

Left-right, left-right, left-right left-right, left-right.

One can almost hear the men moving.

What gladsome cheers assailed the balmy air —
They came from north, from south, from everywhere!
No wight that stood upon that sacred scene
Could gaze upon the sight unmoved, I ween:
No wight that stood upon that sacred spot
Vould gaze upon the sight unmoved, I wot:

It is not quite clear whether the last
couplet is an alternative to the couplet
before or is purposely added in order to

146

ASTONISHES THE CRITICS

strengthen it. Looking over her left shoul-
der it seems to me that there is a line drawn
through the first one, but I cannot see very
clearly because of her hair, which will keep
straying over the page.

Why do they march so fearless and so bold?
The answer is not very quickly told.
To put it shortly, the Barodian king
Insulted Merriwig like anything—
King Merriwig, the dignified and wise,
Who saw him flying over with surprise,
As did his daughter, Princess Hyacinth.

This was as far as she had got.

She left the table and began to walk round
her garden. There is nothing like it for
assisting thought. However, to-day it was
not helping much; she wrent three times
round and still couldn't think of a rhyme for
Hyacinth. "Plinth* was a little difficult to
work in; 'besides,'3 she reminded herself,
*I don't quite know what it means.'1 Bel-
vane felt as I do about poetry: that however

147

CHARLOTTE PATACAKE

incomprehensible it may be to the public,
the author should be quite at ease with it.

She added up the lines she had written
already — seventeen. If she stopped there,
it would be the only epic that had stopped
at the seventeenth line.

She sighed, stretched her arms, and looked
up at the sky. The weather was all against
her. It was the ideal largesse morning. . . .

Twenty minutes later she was on her
cream- white palfrey. TwTenty-one minutes
later Henrietta Crossbuns had received a bag
of gold neatly under the eye, as she bobbed
to her Ladyship. To this extent only did
H. Crossbuns leave her mark upon Euralian
history; but it was a mark which lasted for a
full month.

Hyacinth knew nothing of all this. She
did not even know that Belvane was enter-
ing for the prize poem. She had forgotten
her promise to encourage literature in the
realm.

148

ASTONISHES THE CRITICS

And why? Ah, ladies, can you not guess
why? She was thinking of Prince Udo of
Araby. What did he look like? Was he
dark or fair? Did his hair curl naturally or
not?

Was he wondering at all what she looked
like?

Wriggs had already decided that he was
to fall in love with her Royal Highness and
marry her.

"I think/' said Wiggs, "that he'll be very
tall, and have lovely blue eyes and golden
hair."

This was what they were like in all the
books she had ever dusted; like this were
the seven Princes (now pursuing perilous
adventures in distant countries) to whom
the King had promised Hyacinth's hand —
Prince Hanspatch of Tregong, Prince Ulric,
the Duke of Highanlow, and all the rest of
them. Poor Prince Ulric! In the moment
of victory he was accidentally fallen upon

149

Twenty-one minutes later Henrietta Crossbuns
was acknowledging a bag of gold

CHARLOTTE PATACAKE

by the giant whom he was engaged in under-
mining, and lost all appetite for adventure
thereby. Indeed, in his latter years he
was alarmed by anything larger than a
goldfish, and lived a life of the strictest
seclusion.

'/ think he'll be dark," said Hyacinth.
Her own hair was corn-coloured.

Poor Prince Hanspatch of Tregong; I've
just remembered about him — no, I haven't,
it was the Duke of Highanlow. Poor Duke
of Highanlow! A misunderstanding with a
wizard having caused his head to face the
wrong way round, he was so often said good-
bye to at the very moment of arrival, that he
gradually lost his enthusiasm for social enter-
prises and confined himself to his own palace,
where his acrobatic dexterity in supplying
himself with soup was a constant source of
admiration to his servants. . . .

However, it was Prince Udo of whom they
were thinking now. The Messenger had re-

150

ASTONISHES THE CRITICS

turned from Araby; his Royal Highness must
be expected on the morrow.

'I do hope he'll be comfortable in the
Purple Room," said Hyacinth. "I wonder
if it wouldn't have been better to have left
him in the Blue Room, after all."

They had had him in the Blue Room two
days ago, until Hyacinth thought that per-
haps he would be more comfortable in the
Purple Room, after all.

'The Purple Room has the best view,"
said Wiggs helpfully.

'And it gets the sun. Wiggs, don't for-
get to put some flowers there. And have
you given him any books?'

'I gave him two,'3 said Wiggs. "Quests
for Princes, and Wild Animals at Home.'

' Oh, I'm sure he'll like those. Now
let's think what we shall do when he
comes. He'll arrive some time in the after-
noon. Naturally he will want a little re-
freshment."

151

CHARLOTTE PATACAKE

'Would he like a picnic in the forest?'
asked Wiggs.

' I don't think any one wants a picnic after
a long journey."

"I love picnics."

"Yes, dear; but, you see, Prince Udo's
much older than you, and I expect he's had
so many picnics that he's tired of them. I
suppose really I ought to receive him in the
Throne Room, but that's so — so '

"Stuffy," said Wiggs.

"That's just it. We should feel uncom-
fortable with each other the whole time. I
think I shall receive him up here ; I never feel
so nervous in the open air."

"Will the Countess be here?" asked Wiggs.

"No," said the Princess coldly. "At
least," she corrected herself, 'she will not be
invited. Good afternoon, Countess." It was
like her, thought Hyacinth, to arrive at that
very moment.

Belvane curtsied low.

152

ASTONISHES THE CRITICS

"Good afternoon, your Royal Highness.
I am here purely on a matter of business. I
thought it my duty to inform your Royal
Highness of the result of the Literature
prize." She spoke meekly, and as one who
forgave Hyacinth for her unkindness towards
her.

"Certainly, Countess. I shall be glad to
hear.'1

The Countess unrolled a parchment.

"The prize has been won," she said,

"by she held the parchment a little

closer to her eyes, "by Charlotte Patacake."

"Oh, yes. Who is she?"

"A most deserving woman, your Royal
Highness. If she is the woman I'm think-
ing of, a most deserving person, to whom the
money will be more than welcome. Her
poem shows a sense of values combined with
— er — breadth, and — er — distance, such as I
have seldom seen equalled. The — er —

technique is only excelled by the — shall I

153

CHARLOTTE PATACAKE

say? — temperamentality, the boldness of the
colouring, by the — how shall I put it? — the

firmness of the outline. In short '

'In short," said the Princess, "you like it.':
Your Royal Highness, it is unique. But
naturally you will wish to hear it for your-
self. It is only some twelve hundred lines
long. I will declaim it to your Royal
Highness.'1

She held the manuscript out at the full
length of her left arm, struck an attitude
with the right arm, and began in her most
thrilling voice:

King Merriwig the First rode out to war,
As many other kings "

Yes, Countess, but another time. I am
busy this afternoon. As you know, I think,
the Prince Udo of Araby arrives to-morrow,

and "

Belvane's lips were still moving, and her
right arm swayed up and down. "What

154

ASTONISHES THE CRITICS

gladsome cheers assailed the balmy air!' she
murmured to herself, and her hand went up
to heaven. ' They come from north, from
south' (she pointed in the directions men-
tioned), 'from everywhere. No wight that
stood "

'He will be received privately up here
by myself in the first place, and after-
wards-

' Could gaze upon the sight unmoved, I wot,"
whispered Belvane, and placed her hand upon
her breast to show that anyhow it had been
too much for her. (t Why do they march so-
I beg your Royal Highness 's pardon. I was
so carried away by this wonderful poem. I
do beg of your Royal Highness to read it."

The Princess waved the manuscript aside.

'I am not unmindful of the claims of litera-
ture, Countess, and I shall certainly read the
poem another time. Meanwhile I can, I hope,
trust you to see that the prize is awarded to
the rightful winner. What I am telling you

155

CHARLOTTE PATACAKE

now is that the Prince Udo is arriving
to-morrow. "

Belvane looked innocently puzzled.
'Prince Udo — Udo — would that be Prince
Udo of Carroway, your Royal Highness? A
tall man with three legs?'

'Prince Udo of Araby," said Hyacinth
severely. "I think I have already men-
tioned him to your ladyship. He will make
a stay of some months."

"But how delightful, your Royal High-
ness, to see a man again ! We were all getting
so dull together! We want a man to wake
us up a little, don't we, Wiggs? I will go and
give orders about his room at once, your
Royal Highness. You will wish him to be in
the Purple Room, of course?'

That settled it.

"He will be in the Blue Room," said
Hyacinth decidedly.

"Certainly, your Royal Highness. Fancy,

Wiggs, a man again ! I will go and see about it

156

ASTONISHES THE CRITICS

now, if I may have your Royal Highness's
leave to withdraw?'

A little mystified by Belvane's manner,
Hyacinth inclined her head, and the Countess
withdrew.

CHAPTER XI

WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO WITH THE EARS

WIGGS gave a parting pat to the table-
cloth and stood looking at it with
her head on one side.

"Now, then," she said, "have we got every-
thing?"

"What about sardines?' said Woggs in
her common way. (I don't know what she's
doing in this scene at all, but Roger Scurvilegs
insists on it.)

"I don't think a Prince would like sardines,''
said Wiggs.

'If Pd been on a long journey, I'd love

159

WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO

sardines. It is a very long journey from
Araby, isn't it?'

'Awful long. Why, it's taken him nearly
a week. Perhaps," she added hopefully, "he's
had something on the way.':

'Perhaps he took some sandwiches with
him," said Woggs, thinking that this would
be a good thing to do.

"What do you think he'll be like, Woggs?"

Woggs thought for a long time.

"Like the King," she said. "Only differ-
ent," she added, as an afterthought.

Up came the Princess for the fifth time that
afternoon, all excitement.

"Well," she said, "is everything ready?'
;Yes, your Royal Highness. Except
Woggs and me didn't quite know about
sardines.'1

The Princess laughed happily.
'I think there will be enough there for him.
It all looks very nice.'1

She turned round and discovered behind

160

WITH THE EAES

her the last person she wanted to see just
then.

The-last-person-she-wanted-to-see-just-then
curtsied effectively.

'Forgive me, your Royal Highness/' she
said profusely, 'but I thought I had left
Charlotte Patacake's priceless manuscript up
here. No; evidently I was mistaken, your
Royal Highness. I will withdraw, your Royal
Highness, as I know your Royal Highness
would naturally wish to receive his Royal
Highness alone. "

Listening to this speech one is impressed
with Woggs' method of calling everybody
"Mum."

'Not at all, Countess,'3 said Hyacinth
coldly. "We would prefer you to stay and
help us receive his Royal Highness. He is a
little late, I think."

Bel vane looked unspeakably distressed.

"Oh, I do hope that nothing has happened
to him on the w^ay," she exclaimed. 'I've
11 161

Princess Hyacinth gave a shriek
and faltered slowly backwards

WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO

had an uneasy feeling lately that something
may have occurred."

'What could have happened to him?'
asked Hyacinth, not apparently very much
alarmed.

4 Oh, your Royal Highness, it's just a sort
of silly feeling of mine. There may be
nothing in it.':

There was a noise of footsteps from below;
a man's voice was heard. The Princess and
the Countess, both extremely nervous, but
from entirely different reasons, arranged suit-
able smiles of greeting upon their faces ; Wiggs
and Woggs stood in attitudes of appropriate
meekness by the table. The Court Painter
could have made a beautiful picture of it.

"His Royal Highness Prince Udo of
Araby," announced the voice of an at-
tendant.

"A nervous moment," said Bel vane to her-
self. "Can the ring have failed to act?'

Udo trotted in.

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WITH THE EARS

'It hasn't," said Belvane.

Princess Hyacinth gave a shriek, and fal-
tered slowly backwards; Wiggs, who was
familiar with these little accidents in the books
which she dusted, and Woggs, who had a
natural love for any kind of animal, stood
their ground.

'Whatever is it?" murmured Hyacinth.
It was as well that Belvane was there.

'Allow me to present to your Royal High-
ness," she said, stepping forward, "his Royal
Highness Prince Udo of Araby.':

'Prince Udo?' said Hyacinth, all unwill-
ing to believe it.

'I'm afraid so," said Udo gloomily. He
had thought over this meeting a good deal
in the last two or three days, and he realised
now that he had underestimated the diffi-
culties of it.

Hyacinth remembered that she was a
Princess and a woman.

I'm delighted to welcome your Royal

163

it T>

WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO

Highness to Euralia," she said. "Won't you
sit down — I mean up — er, down." (How did
rabbits sit? Or whatever he was?)

Udo decided to sit up.

"Thank you. You've no idea how diffi-
cult it is to talk on four legs to somebody
higher up. It strains the neck so.':

There was an awkward silence. Nobody
quite knew what to say.

Except Bel vane.

She turned to Udo with her most charming
smile.

'Did you have a pleasant journey?' she
asked sweetly.

"No," said Udo coldly.

"Oh, do tell us what happened to you?'
cried Hyacinth. "Did you meet some ter-
rible enchanter on the way? Oh, I am so
dreadfully sorry.'1

When one is not feeling very well there is
a certain type of question which is always
annoying.

164

WITH THE EARS

'Can't you see what's happened to me?'3
said Udo crossly. 'I don't know how it
happened. I had come two days' journey
from Araby, when-

" Please, your Royal Highness," said Wiggs,

'is this your tail in the salt?' She took it

out, gave it a shake, and handed it back to him.

4 Oh, thank you, thank you- -two days'
journey from Araby when I woke up one
afternoon and found myself like this. I ask
you to imagine my annoyance. My first
thought naturally was to return home and
hide myself; but I told myself, Princess, that
you wanted me."

The Princess could not help being touched
by this, said as it was with a graceful move-
ment of the ears and a caressing of the right
whisker, but she wondered a little what she
would do with him now that she had got him.

'Er — what are you?' put in Bel vane
kindly, knowing how men are always glad to
talk about themselves.

165

WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO

Udo had caught sight of a well-covered
table, and was looking at it with a curious
mixture of hope and resignation.

'Very, very hungry," he said, speaking
with the air of one who knows.

The Princess, whose mind had been travel-
ling, woke up suddenly.

'Oh, I was forgetting my manners," she
said with a smile for which the greediest
would have forgiven her. 'Let us sit down
and refresh ourselves. May I present to
your Royal Highness the Countess Bel vane."

'Do I shake hands or pat him?' mur-
mured that mistress of Court etiquette, for
once at a loss.

Udo placed a paw over his heart and bowed
profoundly.

'Charmed," he said gallantly, and coming
from a cross between a lion, a rabbit, and a
woolly lamb the merest suggestion of gallantry
has a most pleasing effect.

They grouped themselves round the repast.

166

WITH THE EARS

"A little sherbet, your Royal Highness?''
said Hyacinth, who presided over the bowl.

Udo was evidently longing to say yes, but
hesitated.

'I wonder if I dare.'!

'It's very good sherbet," said Wiggs, to
encourage him.

'I'm sure it is, my dear. But the question
is, Do I like sherbet?'

You can't help knowing if you like
sherbet.9'

'Don't bother him, Wiggs," said Hyacinth,
'a venison sandwich, dear Prince?'

:The question is, Do I like venison sand-
wiches ? '

4 1 do," announced Woggs to any one who
was interested.

'You see,'" explained Udo, 'I really don't
know what I like.':

They were all surprised at this, particu-
larly Woggs. Belvane, who was enjoying
herself too much to wish to do anything but

167

WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO

listen, said nothing, and it was the Princess
who obliged Udo by asking him what he
meant. It was a subject upon which he was
longing to let himself go to somebody.

'Well," he said, expanding himself a little,
so that Wiggs had to remove his tail this time
from the custard, "what am I?'

Nobody ventured to offer an opinion.

"Am I a hare? Then put me next to the
red currant jelly, or whatever it is that hares
like."

The anxious eye of the hostess wandered
over the table.

"Am I a lion?' went on Udo, developing
his theme. 'Then pass me Wiggs. "

"Oh, please don't be a lion," said Wiggs
gently, as she stroked his mane.

"But haven't you a feeling for anything?5
asked Hyacinth.

"I have a great feeling of emptiness. I
yearn for something, only I don't quite know

what."

168

WITH THE EARS

"I hope it isn't sardines/' whispered Wiggs
to Woggs.

"But what have you been eating on the
way?" asked the Princess.

"Oh, grass and things chiefly. I thought
I should be safe with grass."

"And were you — er — safe?' asked Bel-
vane, with a great show of anxiety.

Udo coughed and said nothing.
I know it's silly of me," said Hyacinth,

but I still don't quite understand. I should
have thought that if you were a — a-

" Quite so," said Udo.

" — then you would have known by in-
stinct what a — a '

. ,

1 Exactly," said Udo.
"Likes to eat."

"Ah, I thought you'd think that. That's
just what I thought when this — when I
began to feel unwell. But I've worked it out
since, and it's all wrong.'1

:This is interesting," said Belvane, set-

169

. .

WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO
tling herself more comfortably. 'Do go

on.:

"Well, when " He coughed and looked

round at them coyly. 'This is really rather
a delicate subject.'1

"Not at all," murmured Hyacinth.

"Well, it's like this. When an enchanter
wants to annoy you he generally turns you
into an animal of some kind.':

Belvane achieved her first blush since she
was seventeen.

"It is a humorous way they have," she
said.

"But suppose you really were an animal
altogether, it wouldn't annoy you at all. An
elephant isn't annoyed at being an elephant;
he just tries to be a good elephant, and he'd
be miserable if he couldn't do things with his
trunk. The annoying thing is to look like
an elephant, to have the very complicated —
er — inside of an elephant, and yet all the time
really to be a man.':

170

WITH THE EARS

They were all intensely interested. Woggs
thought that it was going to lead up to a
revelation of what sort of animal Prince Udo
really was, but in this she was destined to be
disappointed. After all there were advan-
tages in Udo's present position. As a man
he had never been listened to so attentively.

"Now suppose for a moment I am a lion.
I have the — er — delicate apparatus of a lion,
but the beautiful thoughts and aspirations
of a Prince. Thus there is one — er — side
of me which craves for raw beef, but none
the less there is a higher side of me' (he
brought his paw up towards his heart) , "which
— well, you know how you'd feel about it
yourself.'

The Princess shuddered.

"I should" she said, with conviction.

Bel vane was interested, but thought it all
a little crude.

"You see the point," went on Udo. 'A
baby left to itself doesn't know what is good

171

WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO

for it. Left to itself it would eat anything.
Now turn a man suddenly into an animal and
he is in exactly the same state as that baby.':

'I hadn't thought of it like that," said
Hyacinth.

'I've had to think of it! Now let us pro-
ceed further with the matter.'' Udo was
thoroughly enjoying himself. He had not
had such a time since he had given an address
on Beetles to all the leading citizens of Araby
at his coming-of-age. ' Suppose again that I
am a lion. I know from what I have read
or seen that raw meat agrees best with the
lion's — er — organisation, and however objec-
tionable it might look I should be foolish not
to turn to it for sustenance. But if you
don't quite know what animal you're sup-
posed to be, see how difficult the problem
becomes. It's a question of trying all sorts
of horrible things in order to find out what
agrees with you." His eyes took on a far-
away look, a look in which the most poignant

172

WITH THE EARS

memories seemed to be reflected. 'I've been
experimenting," he said, 'for the last three
days."

They all gazed sadly and sympathetically
at him. Except Bel vane. She of course
wouldn't.

"What went best?" she asked brightly.

"Oddly enough," said Udo, cheering up a
little, "banana fritters. Have you ever kept
an animal who lived entirely on banana frit-
ters?"

"Never," smiled the Princess.

"Well, that's the animal I probably am."
He sighed and added, 'There were one or
two animals I wasn't." For a little while
he seemed to be revolving bitter memories,
and then went on, 4I don't suppose any of
you here have any idea how very prickly
thistles are when they are going down. Er —
may I try a watercress sandwich? It doesn't
suit the tail, but it seems to go with the ears."
He took a large bite and added through the

173

WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO

leaves, 'I hope I don't bore you, Princess,
with my little troubles.'1

Hyacinth clasped his paw impulsively.

"My dear Prince Udo, I'm only longing
to help. We must think of some way of get-
ting this horrible enchantment off you. There
are so many wise books in the library, and
my father has composed a spell which — oh, I'm
sure we shall soon have you all right again.'1

Udo took another sandwich.
'Very good of you, Princess, to say so.
You understand how annoying a little indis-
position of this kind is to a man of my tempera-
ment.'1 He beckoned to Wiggs. "How do
you make these?" he asked in an undertone.

Gracefully undulating, Belvane rose from
her seat.

"Well," she said, "I must go and see that

the stable " she broke off in a pretty

confusion — "How silly of me, I mean the
Royal Apartment is prepared. Have I your
Royal Highness's leave to withdraw?'

174

WITH THE EARS

She had.

"And, Wiggs, dear, you too had better run
along and see if you can help. You may
leave the watercress sandwiches," she added,
as Wiggs hesitated for a moment.

With a grateful look at her Royal Highness
Udo helped himself to another one.

175

CHAPTER XII

WE DECIDE TO WRITE TO TJDO S FATHER

OW, my dear Princess," said Udo, as
soon as they were alone. 'Let me
know in what way I can help you."
"Oh, Prince Udo," said Hyacinth ear-
nestly, "it is good of you to have come. I
feel that this — this little accident is really
my fault for having asked you here."

"Not at all, dear lady. It is the sort of
little accident that might have happened to
anybody, anywhere. If I can still be of
assistance to you, pray inform me. Though
my physical powers may not for the moment

177

WE DECIDE TO WRITE

be quite what they were, I flatter myself
that my mental capabilities are in no way
diminished.'1 He took another bite of his
sandwich and wagged his head wisely at her.

"Let's come over here," said Hyacinth.

She moved across to an old stone seat in
the wall, Udo following with the plate, and
made room for him by her side. There is,
of course, a way of indicating to a gentle-
man that he may sit next to you on the
Chesterfield, and tell you what he has been
doing in town lately, and there is also
another way of patting the sofa for Fido to
jump up and be-a-good-dog-and-lie-down-
sir. Hyacinth achieved something very
tactful in between, and Udo jumped up
gracefully.

'Now we can talk," said Hyacinth.
:You noticed that lady, the Countess Bel-
vane, whom I presented to you ? '

Udo nodded.

"What did you think of her?" ^ ^

178

TO UDO'S FATHER

Udo was old enough to know what to say
to that.

'I hardly looked at her," he said. And
he added with a deep bow, 'Naturally,
when your Royal Highness — oh, I beg your
pardon, are my ears in your way?5

'It's all right," said Hyacinth, rearranging
her hair. 'Well, it was because of that
woman that I sent for you."

'But I can't marry her like this, your
Royal Highness.'1

Hyacinth turned a startled face towards
him. Udo perceived that he had blundered.
To hide his confusion he took another sand-
wich and ate it very quickly.

'I want your help against her," said
Hyacinth, a little distantly; "she is plotting
against me."

'Oh, your Royal Highness, now I see,"
said Udo, and he wragged his head as much
as to say, : You've come to the right man
this time."

179

Now we can talk,
said Hyacinth

WE DECIDE TO WRITE

don't trust her," said Hyacinth im-
pressively.

'Well, now, Princess, I'm not surprised.
I'll tell you something about that woman.'3

"Oh, what?"

'Well, when I was announced just now,
what happened? You, yourself, Princess,
were not unnaturally a little alarmed; those
two little girls were surprised and excited;
but what of this Countess Belvane? What
did she do?"

" What did she do?"

'Nothing," said Udo impressively. 'She
was neither surprised nor alarmed.'1

"Why, now I come to think of it, I don't
believe she was.'

'And yet," said Udo half pathetically,
half proudly, 'Princes don't generally look
like this. Now, why wasn't she surprised?'

Hyacinth looked bewildered.

'Did she know you were sending for
me?' Udo went on.

180

TO UDO'S FATHER

Yes."

Because you had found out something
about her?'

"Yes."

"Then depend upon it, she's done it.
What a mind that woman must have ! '

"But how could she do it?' exclaimed
Hyacinth. 'Of course it's just the sort of
thing she would do if she could.''

Udo didn't answer. He was feeling
rather annoyed with Belvane, and had
got off his seat and was trotting up and
down so as not to show his feelings before
a lady.

'How could she do it?' implored
Hyacinth.

4 Oh, she's in with some enchanter or
somebody," said Udo impatiently, as he
trotted past.

Suddenly he had an idea. He stopped in
front of her.

' If only I were sure I was a lion."

181

WE DECIDE TO WRITE

He tried to roar, exclaimed hastily that
it was only a practice one, and roared again.
'No, I don't think I'm a lion after all," he
admitted sadly.

"Well," said Hyacinth, "we must
think of a plan."

'We must think of a plan," said Udo,
and he came and sat meekly beside her
again. He could conceal it from himself
no longer that he was not a lion. The fact
depressed him.

"I suppose I have been weak," went on
Hyacinth, 'but ever since the men went
away she has been the ruling spirit of the
country. I think she is plotting against
me; I know she is robbing me. I asked you
here so that you could help me to find her
out."

Udo nodded his head importantly.

"We must watch her," he announced.

"We must watch her," agreed Hyacinth.
"It may take months '

182

TO UDO'S FATHER

"Did you say months?" said Udo, turning
to her excitedly.

"Yes, why?"

" Well, it's- ' he gave a deprecating little
cough. "I know it's very silly of me but —
oh, well, let's hope it will be all right.'1

"Why, whatever is the matter?'

Udo was decidedly embarrassed. He
wriggled. He drew little circles with his
hind paw on the ground and he shot little
coy glances at her.

"Well, I' -and he gave a little ner-
vous giggle — "I have a sort of uneasy
feeling that I may be one of those
animals' —he gave another conscious little
laugh- 'that have to go to sleep all
through the winter. It would be very
annoying — if I ' -his paw became very busy
here — 'if I had to dig a little hole in the
ground, just when the plot was thickening."
£Oh, but you won't," said Hyacinth, in
distress.

183

WE DECIDE TO WRITE
v

They were both silent for a moment, think-
ing of the awful possibilities. Udo's tail
had fallen across Hyacinth's lap, and she
began to play with it absently.

"Anyway," she said hopefully, "it's only
July now.':

"Ye — es," said Udo. *I suppose I should
get — er — busy about November. We ought
to find out something before then. First

of all we'd better Oh!' He started

up in dismay. 'I've just had a horrible
thought. Don't I have to collect a little
store of nuts and things?'

"Surely "

"I should have to start that pretty soon,"
said Udo thoughtfully. ;You know, I
shouldn't be very handy at it. Climbing
about after nuts," he went on dreamily,
"what a life for a '

"Oh, don't!" pleaded Hyacinth. "Surely
only squirrels do that?'

"Yes — yes. Now, if I were a squirrel.

184

TO UDO'S FATHER

•

I should — may I have my tail for a mo-
ment?'

"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Hyacinth, very
much confused as she realised the liberty
she had been taking, and she handed his
tail back to him.

"Not at all," said Udo.

He took it firmly in his right hand.
"Now then," he said, 'we shall see. Watch
this."

Sitting up on his back legs he arched his
tail over his head, and letting go of it
suddenly, began to nibble at a sandwich held
in his two front paws. . . .

A pretty picture for an artist.

But a bad model. The tail fell with a
thud to the ground.

"There!" said Udo triumphantly. "That
proves it. I'm not a squirrel.'1

"Oh, I'm so glad," said Hyacinth, com-
pletely convinced, as any one would have
been, by this demonstration.

185

WE DECIDE TO WRITE

Yes, well, that's all right then. Now we
can make our plans. First of all we'd

better ' He stopped suddenly, and

Hyacinth saw that he was gazing at his tail.
:Yes?" she said encouragingly.

He picked up his tail and held it out in
front of him. There was a large knot in the
middle of it.

'Now, what have I forgotten?' he said,
rubbing his head thoughtfully.

Poor Hyacinth !

"Oh, dear Prince Udo, I'm so sorry. I'm
afraid I did that without thinking.''

Udo, the gallant gentleman, was not
found wanting.

"A lover's knot," he said, with a graceful
incli — no, he stopped in time. But really,
those ears of his made ordinary politeness
quite impossible.

"Oh, Udo," said Hyacinth impulsively,
"if only I could help you to get back to your
proper form again."

186

TO UDO'S FATHER

"Yes, if only," said Udo, becoming
practical again; 'but how are we going
to do it? Just one more watercress sand-
wich/1 he said apologetically; 'they go
with the ears so well."

'I shall threaten the Countess," said
Hyacinth excitedly. 'I shall tell her that
unless she makes the enchanter restore you
to your proper form, I shall put her in
prison."

Udo was not listening. He had gone off
into his own thoughts. 'Banana fritters
and watercress sandwiches," he was mur-
muring to himself. 'I suppose I must be
the only animal of the kind in the world."

'Of course," went on Hyacinth, half to
herself, 'she might get the people on her
side, the ones that she's bribed. And if
she did " ....,,.. l

"That's all right, that's all right," said
Udo grandly. 'Leave her to me. There's
something about your watercress that in-

187

WE DECIDE TO WRITE

spires me to terrible deeds. I feel a new —
whatever I am.':

One gathers reluctantly from this speech
that Udo had partaken too freely.

'Of course," said Hyacinth, 4I could
write to my father, who might send some of
his men back, but I shouldn't like to do
that. I shouldn't like him to think that I
had failed him.':

4 Extraordinary how I take to these
things," said Udo, allowing himself a little
more room on the seat. 'Perhaps I am a
rabbit after all. I wonder what I should
look like behind wire netting." He took
another bite and went on, 'I wonder what
I should do if I saw a ferret. I suppose
you haven't got a ferret on you, Princess? '

"I beg your pardon, Prince? I'm afraid
I was thinking of something else. What
did you say?'

"Nothing, nothing. One's thoughts run
on." He put his hand out for the plate,

188

TO UDO'S FATHER

and discovered that it was empty. He
settled himself more comfortably, and
seemed to be about to sink into slumber
when his attention was attracted suddenly
by the knot in his tail. He picked it up
and began lazily to undo it. 'I wish I
could lash my tail," he murmured; 'mine
seems to be one of the tails that don't
lash.': He began very gingerly to feel the
tip of it. 'I wonder if I've got a sting
anywhere.' He closed his eyes, muttering,
'Sting Countess neck, sting all over
neck, sting lots stings," and fell peacefully
asleep.

It was a disgraceful exhibition. Roger
Scurvilegs tries to slur it over; talks about
the great heat of the sun, and the notorious
effect of even one or two watercress sand-
wiches on an empty — on a man who has
had nothing to eat for several days. This is
to palter with the facts. The effect of
watercress sandwiches upon Udo's arrange-

189

WE DECIDE TO WRITE

ments (however furnished) we have all just
seen for ourselves; but what Roger neglects
to lay stress upon is the fact that it was
the effect of twenty-one or twenty-two
watercress sandwiches. There is no deny-
ing that it was a disgraceful exhibition. If
I had been there, I should certainly have
written to his father about it.

Hyacinth looked at him uneasily. Her
first feeling was one of sympathy. 'Poor
fellow," she thought, 'he's had a hard
time lately.'5 But it is a strain on the
sympathy to gaze too long on a mixture of
lion, rabbit, and woolly lamb, particularly
when the rabbit part has its mouth open
and is snoring gently.

Besides, what could she do with him?
She had two of them on her hands now:
the Countess and the Prince. Belvane
was in an even better position than be-
fore. She could now employ Udo to
help her in her plots against the Prin-

190

TO UDO'S FATHER

cess. 'Grant to me so and so, or I'll
keep the enchantment for ever on his
Royal Highness.'' And what could a poor
girl do?

Well, she would have to come to some
decision in the future. Meanwhile the
difficulties of the moment were enough.
The most obvious difficulty was his bedroom.
Was it quite the sort of room he wanted
now? Hyacinth realised suddenly that to be
hostess to such a collection of animals as Udo
was would require all the tact she possessed.
Perhaps he would tell her what he wanted
when he woke up. Better let him sleep
peacefully now.

She looked at him, smiled in spite of
herself, and went quickly down into the
Palace.

191

CHAPTER XIII

"PINK' RHYMES WITH "THINK*

UDO awoke, slightly refreshed, and de-
cided to take a firm line with the
Countess at once. He had no
difficulty about finding his way down to
her. The Palace seemed to be full of serv-
ants, all apparently busy about something
which brought them for a moment in sight of
the newly arrived Prince, and then whisked
them off, hand to mouth and shoulders shak-
ing. By one of these, with more control over
her countenance than the others, an annoyed
Udo was led into Belvane's garden.

193

"PINK" RHYMES

She was walking up and down the flagged
walk between her lavender hedges, and as
he came in she stopped and rested her
elbows on her sundial, and looked mock-
ingly at him, waiting for him to speak.
'Between the showers I mark the hours,"
said the sundial (on the suggestion of Bel-
vane one wet afternoon), but for the moment
the Countess was in the way.

'Ah, here we are," said Udo in rather a
nasty voice.

'Here we are," said Belvane sweetly.
"All of us."

Suddenly she began to laugh.

"Oh, Prince Udo," she said, "you'll be
the death of me. Count me as one more
of your victims."

It is easy to be angry with any one who
will laugh at you all the time, but difficult
to be effective; particularly when — but we
need not dwell upon Udo's handicap again.

'I don't see anything to laugh at," he

194

WITH " THINK "

said stiffly. "To intelligent people the
outside appearance is not everything."

"But it can be very funny, can't it?'
said Belvane coaxingly. "I wished for
something humorous to happen to you,

but I never thought-

" Ah," said Udo, "now we've got it."

He spoke with the air of a clever cross-
examiner who has skilfully extracted an
admission from a reluctant witness. This
sort of tone goes best with one of those keen
legal faces; perhaps that was why Belvane
laughed again.

"You practically confess that you did it,"
went on Udo magnificently.

"Did what?"

'Turned me into a — a '

"A rabbit?" said Belvane innocently.

A foolish observation like this always
pained Udo.

"What makes you think I'm a rabbit?'

he asked.

195

PINK" RHYMES

'I don't mind what you are, but you'll
never dare show yourself in the country like
this."

'Be careful, woman; don't drive me too
far. Beware lest you rouse the lion in me.':

'Where?' asked Bel vane, with a child-
like air.

With a gesture full of dignity and good
breeding Udo called attention to his tail.

'That," said the Countess, 'is not the
part of the lion that I'm afraid of ."

For the moment Udo was nonplussed, but
he soon recovered himself.

'Even supposing — just for the sake of
argument — that I am a rabbit, I still have
something up my sleeve; I'll come and eat
your young carnations.'1

Belvane adored her garden, but she was
sustained by the thought that it was only
July now. She pointed this out to him.

'It needn't necessarily be carnations,"
he warned her.

196

WITH "THINK"

"I don't want to put my opinion against
one who has (forgive me) inside knowledge
on the subject, but I think I have nothing
in my garden at this moment that would
agree with a rabbit."

"I don't mind if it doesn't agree with
me," said Udo heroically.

This was more serious. Her dear garden
in which she composed, ruined by the
mastications — machinations — what was the
word? — of an enemy! The thought was
unbearable.

You aren't a rabbit," she said hastily;

'you aren't really a rabbit. Because —

because you don't woffle your nose properly."

'I could," said Udo simply. 'I'm just
keeping it back, that's all."

'Show me how," cried Belvane, clasping
her hands eagerly together.

It was not what he had come into the
garden for, and it accorded ill with the
dignity of the Royal House of Araby, but

197

"PINK" RHYMES

somehow one got led on by this wicked
woman.

"Like this," said Udo.

The Countess looked at him critically with
her head on one side.

"No," she said, "that's quite wrong."

"Naturally I'm a little out of practice."

"I'm sorry," said Belvane. "I'm afraid
I can't pass you."

Udo couldn't think what had happened
to the conversation. With a great effort
he extracted himself from it.

"Enough of this, Countess," he said
sternly. "I have your admission that it
was you who put this enchantment on me."

"It was I. I wasn't going to have you
here interfering with my plans."

"Your plans to rob the Princess."

Belvane felt that it was useless to explain
the principles of largesse-throwing to Udo.
There will always be men like Udo and
Roger Scurvilegs who take these narrow

198

WITH "THINK"

matter-of-fact views. One merely wastes
time in arguing with them.

'My plans," she repeated.

'Very well. I shall go straight to the
Princess, and she will unmask you before the
people.'1

Belvane smiled happily. One does not
often get such a chance.

'And who," she asked sweetly, 'will
unmask your Royal Highness before the
people, so that they may see the true Prince
Udo underneath?'

'What do you mean?' said Udo, though
he was beginning to guess.

That noble handsome countenance
which is so justly the pride of Araby — how
shall we show that to the people? They'll
form such a mistaken idea of it if they all
see you like this, won't they?'

Udo was quite sure now that he under-
stood. Hyacinth had understood at the very
beginning.

199

He forgot his manners, and
made a jump towards her

She glided gracefully behind the sundial
in a pretty affectation of alarm

"PINK" RHYMES

You mean that if the Princess Hyacinth
falls in with your plans, you will restore
me to my proper form, but that otherwise
you will leave me like this ? '

'One's actions are very much misunder-
stood," sighed Belvane. 'I've no doubt
that that is how it will appear to future
historians."

(To Roger, certainly.)

It was too much for Udo. He forgot his
manners and made a jump towards her.
She glided gracefully behind the sundial in
a pretty affectation of alarm . . . and the
next moment Udo decided that the contest
between them was not to be settled by such
rough-and-tumble methods as these. The
fact that his tail had caught in something
helped him to decide.

Belvane was up to him in an instant.
'There, there!5 she said soothingly,
'Let me undo it for your Royal Highness.5'
She talked pleasantly as she worked at it.

200

WITH "THINK"

"Every little accident teaches us some-
thing. Now if you'd been a rabbit this
wouldn't have happened."

"No, I'm not even a rabbit," said Udo
sadly. "I'm just nothing."

Belvane stood up and made him a deep
curtsey.

"You are his Royal Highness Prince Udo
of Araby. Your Royal Highness's straw is
prepared. When will your Royal Highness
be pleased to retire?'

It was a little unkind, I think. I should
not record it of her wrere not Roger so insistent.

"Now," said Udo, and lolloped sadly off.
It was his one really dignified moment in
Euralia.

On his way to his apartment he met Wiggs.

"Wiggs," he said solemnly, 'if ever you
can do anything to annoy that woman,
such as making her an apple-pie bed, or
anything like that, I wish you'd do it."

Whereupon he retired for the night. Into

201

PINK" RHYMES

the mysteries of his toilet we had perhaps
better not inquire.

As the chronicler of these simple happen-
ings many years ago, it is my duty to be
impartial. 'These are the facts,'1 I should
say, 'and it is for your nobilities to judge
of them. Thus and thus my characters
acted; how say you, my lords and ladies?'

I confess that this attitude is beyond me;
I have a fondness for all my people, and I
would not have you misunderstand any of
them. But with regard to one of them there
is no need for me to say anything in her
defence. About her at any rate we agree.

I mean Wiggs. We take the same view
as Hyacinth: she was the best little girl in
Euralia. It will come then as a shock to
you (as it did to me on the morning after
I had staggered home with Roger's seven-
teen volumes) to learn that on her day

202

WITH "THINK"

Wiggs could be as bad as anybody. I mean
really bad. To tear your frock, to read
books which you ought to be dusting, these
are accidents which may happen to any-
body. Far otherwise was Wiggs 's fall.

She adopted, in fact, the infamous sug-
gestion of Prince Udo. Three nights later,
with malice aforethought and to the com-
fort of the King's enemies and the prejudice
of the safety of the realm, she made an
apple-pie bed for the Countess.

It was the most perfect apple-pie bed
ever made. Cox himself could not have
improved upon it; Newtown has seen
nothing like it. It took Wiggs a whole
morning; and the results, though private
(that is the worst of an apple-pie bed), were
beyond expectation. After wrestling for
half an hour the Countess spent the night
in a garden hammock, composing a bitter
Ode to Melancholy.

Of course Wriggs caught it in the morning;

203

" PINK " RHYMES

the Countess suspected what she could not
prove. Wiggs, now in for a thoroughly bad
week, realised that it was her turn again.
What should she do?

An inspiration came to her. She had
been really bad the day before; it was a
pity to waste such perfect badness as that.
Why not have the one bad wish to which
the ring entitled her?

She drew the ring out from its hiding-place
round her neck.

'I wish," she said, holding it up, "I wish

that the Countess Belvane ' she stopped

to think of something that would really
annoy her — "I wish that the Countess shall
never be able to write another rhyme again."

She held her breath, expecting a thunder-
clap or some other outward token of the
sudden death of Belvane's muse. Instead
she was struck by the extraordinary silence
of the place. She had a horrid feeling that
everybody else was dead, and realising all

204

WITH "THINK"

at once that she was a very wicked little
girl, she ran up to her room and gave her-
self up to tears.

MAY YOU, DEAR SIR OR MADAM, REPENT
AS QUICKLY!

However, this is not a moral work. An
hour later Wiggs came into Belvane's garden,
eager to discover in wiiat way her inability
to rhyme would manifest itself. It seemed
that she had chosen the exact moment.

In the throes of composition Belvane had
quite forgotten the apple-pie bed, so absorb-
ing is our profession. She welcomed WTiggs
eagerly, and taking her hand led her to-
wards the roses.

4 1 have just been talking to my dear
roses," she said. 'Listen:

Whene'er I take my walks about,
I like to see the roses out;
I like them yelloiv, white, and pink,
But crimson are the best, I think.
The butterfly "

205

"PINK" RHYMES

But we shall never know about the
butterfly. It may be that Wiggs has lost
us here a thought on lepidoptera which the
world can ill spare; for she interrupted
breathlessly.

"When did you write that?"

"I was just making it up when you came
in, dear child. These thoughts often come
to me as I walk up and down my beautiful
garden. * The butterfly

But Wiggs had let go her hand and was
running back to the Palace. She wanted to
be alone to think this out.

What had happened? That it was truly
a magic ring, as the fairy had told her, she
had no doubt; that her wish was a bad
one, that she had been bad enough to earn
it, she was equally certain. What then
had happened? There was only one answer
to her question. The bad wish had been
granted to somebody else.

To whom? She had lent the ring to

206

WITH "THINK"

nobody. True, she had told the Princess
all about it, but

Suddenly she rernemberd. The Countess
had had it in her hands for a moment. Yes,
and she had sent her out of the room, and —

So many thoughts crowded into Wiggs's
mind at this moment that she felt she must
share them with somebody. She ran off
to find the Princess.

207

CHAPTER XIV

WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE WIGGS?'

YACINTH was with Udo in the
library. Udo spent much of his
time in the library nowadays; for
surely in one of those many books was to
be found some Advice to a Gentleman in
Temporary Difficulties suitable to a case
like his. Hyacinth kept him company sadly.
It had been such a brilliant idea inviting
him to Euralia; how she wished now that she
had never done it.

"Well, Wiggs," she said, with a gentle

209

" WHY CAN'T YOU

smile, 'what have you been doing with
yourself all the morning?'

Udo looked up from his mat and nodded
to her.

'I've found out," said Wiggs excitedly;
'it was the Countess who did it."
Udo surveyed her with amazement.
'The Princess Hyacinth," he said, "has
golden hair. One discovers these things
gradually." And he returned to his book.
Wiggs looked bewildered.
'He means, dear," said Hyacinth, "that
it is quite obvious that the Countess did
it, and we have known about it for
days."

Udo wore, as far as his face would permit,
the slightly puffy expression of one who
has just said something profoundly ironical
and is feeling self-conscious about it.

'Oh — h," said Wiggs in such a disap-
pointed voice that it seemed as if she were
going to cry.

£10

BE LIKE WIGGS?"

Hyacinth, like the dear that she was,
made haste to comfort her.

"We didn't really know,'' she said; "we
only guessed it. But now that you have
found out, I shall be able to punish her
properly. No, don't come with me," she
said, as she rose and moved towards the
door; "stay here and help his Royal Highness.
Perhaps you can find the book that he wants;
you've read more of them than I have, I
expect.'1

Left alone with the Prince, Wiggs was silent
for a little, looking at him rather anxiously.

"Do you know all about the Countess?'
she asked at last.

"If there's anything I don't know, it
must be very bad.'

"Then you know that it's all my fault
that you are like this? Oh, dear Prince
Udo, I am so dreadfully sorry.'1

"What do you mean — your fault?'

"Because it was my ring that did it."

" WHY CAN'T YOU

Udo scratched his head in a slightly
puzzled but quite a nice way.

4 Tell me all about it from the beginning,"
he said. :You have found out something
after all, I believe."

So Wiggs told her story from the be-
ginning. How the fairy had given her a
ring; how the Countess had taken it from
her for five minutes and had a bad wish
on it; and how Wiggs had found her out
that very morning.

Udo was intensely excited by the story.
He trotted up and down the library, mutter-
ing to himself. He stopped in front of
Wiggs as soon as she had finished.

"Is the ring still going?' he asked. "I
mean, can you have another wish on it? '

"Yes, just one."

'Then wish her to be turned into a '

He tried to think of something that would
meet the case. "What about a spider?'
he said thoughtfully.

. .

BE LIKE WIGGS? "

But that's a bad wish," said Wiggs.
Yes, but it's her turn.'1
Oh, but I'm only allowed a good wish
now.': She added rapturously, "And I
know what it's going to be."

So did Udo. At least he thought he did.

"Oh, you dear," he said, casting an
affectionate look upon her.

"Yes, that's it. That I may be able to
dance like a fairy.':

Udo could hardly believe his ears, and
they were adequate enough for most emer-
gencies.

'But how is that going to help me?'
he said, tapping his chest with his paw.

"But it's my ring," said Wiggs. "And
so of course I'm going to wish that I can
dance like a fairy. I've always meant to,
as soon as I've been good for a day first.'1

The child was absurdly selfish. Udo saw
that he would have to appeal to her in another

way. tp. ' : - ! ! .•••;••:;;'- -; ,,/ fj

213

" WHY CAN'T YOU

"Of course," he began, "I've nothing to
say against dancing as dancing, but I think
you'll get tired of it. Just as I shall get
tired of — lettuce."

Wiggs understood now.
:You mean that I might wish you to be
a Prince again?'

'Well," said Udo casually, "it just occurred
to me as an example of what might be called
the Good Wish."

'Then I shall never be able to dance like
a fairy?'

'Neither shall I, if it comes to that,"
said Udo. Really, the child was very stupid.

'Oh, it's too cruel," said Wiggs, stamping
her foot. 'I did so want to be able to dance."

Udo glanced gloomily into the future.

"To live for ever behind wire netting,"
he mused; "to be eternally frightened by
pink-eyed ferrets; to be offered bran-mash
— bran-mash — bran-mash wherever one vis-
ited week after week, month after month,

BE LIKE W7GGS?"

year after year, century after — how long do
rabbits live?'

But Wiggs was not to be moved.

'I wont give up my wish," she said
passionately.

Udo got on to his four legs with dignity.

"Keep your wish," he said. 'There are
plenty of other ways of getting out of
enchantments. I'll learn up a piece of
poetry by our Court Poet Sacharino, and
recite it backwards when the moon is new.
Something like that. I can do this quite
easily by myself. Keep your wish."

He went slowly out. His tail (looking
more like a bell-rope than ever) followed
him solemnly. The fluffy part that you
pull was for a moment left behind; then
with a jerk it was gone, and Wiggs was
left alone.

'I won't give up my wish," cried Wiggs
again. 'I'll wish it now before I'm sorry."

She held the ring up. "I wish that "

215

" WHY CAN'T YOU

She stopped suddenly. "Poor Prince Udo
he seems very unhappy. I wonder if it is
a good wish to wish to dance when people
are unhappy.'1 She thought this out for a
little, and then made her great resolve.
:Yes," she said, "I'll wish him well again.'1

Once more she held the ring up in her
two hands.

"I wish," she said, "that Prince Udo "

I know what you are going to say. It
was no good her wishing her good wish,
because she had been a bad girl the day
before — making the Countess an apple-pie
bed and all — disgraceful! How could she
possibly suppose

She didn't. She remembered just in
time.

'Oh, bother," said Wiggs, standing in
the middle of the room with the ring held
above her head. "I've got to be good for
a day first. Bother! '

216

BE LIKE WIGGS? "

So the next day was Wiggs's Good Day.
The legend of it was handed down for years
afterwards in Euralia. It got into all the
Calendars — July 20th it was — marked with
a red star; in Roger's portentous volumes
it had a chapter devoted to it. There was
some talk about it being made into a public
holiday, he tells us, but this fell through.
Euralian mothers used to scold their naughty
children with the words, 'Why can't you
be like Wiggs?' and the children used to
tell each other that there never was a real
Wiggs, and that it was only a made-up
story for parents. However, you have my
word for it that it was true.

She began by getting up at five o'clock in
the morning, and after dressing herself very
neatly (and being particularly careful to
wring out her sponge) she made her own
bed and tidied up the room. For a moment
she thought of waking the grown-ups in the
Palace and letting them enjoy the beautiful

217

When anybody of superior station or age came
into the room she rose and curtsied

" WHY CAN'T YOU

morning too, but a little reflection showed
her that this would not be at all a kindly
act; so, having dusted the Throne Room
and performed a few simple physical exer-
cises, she went outside and attended to the
smaller domestic animals.

At breakfast she had three helps of some-
thing very nutritious, which the Countess
said would make her grow, but only one
help of everything else. She sat up nicely
all the time, and never pointed to anything
or drank with her mouth full. After break-
fast she scattered some crumbs on the lawn
for the robins, and then got to work again.

First she dusted and dusted and dusted;
then she swept and swept and swept;
then she sewed and sewed and sewed.
When anybody of superior station or age
came into the room she rose and curtsied
and stood with her hands behind her back,
while she was being spoken to. When any-
body said, 'I wonder where I put my so-

218

BE LIKE WIGGS?"

and-so," she jumped up and said, 'Let me
fetch it," even if it was upstairs.

After dinner she made up a basket of
provisions and took them to the old women
who lived near the castle; to some of them
she sang or read aloud, and when at one
cottage she was asked, 'Now won't you
give me a little dance," she smiled bravely
and said, "I'm afraid I don't dance very
well.': I think that was rather sweet of
her; if I had been the fairy I should have
let her off the rest of the day.

When she got back to the Palace she
drank two glasses of warm milk, with the
skin on, and then went and weeded the
Countess's lawn; and once when she trod
by accident on a bed of flowers, she left the
footprint there instead of scraping it over
hastily, and pretending that she hadn't been
near the place, as you would have done.

And at half-past six she kissed everybody

good-night (including Udo) and went to bed.

219

" WHY CAN'T YOU

So ended July the Twentieth, perhaps
the most memorable day in Euralian history.

Udo and Hyacinth spent tbe great day
peacefully in the library. A gentleman for
all his fur, Udo had not told the Princess
about Wiggs's refusal to help him. Besides,
a man has his dignity. To be turned into
a mixture of three animals by a woman of
thirty, and to be turned back again by a
girl of ten, is to be too much the plaything
of the sex. It was time he did something
for himself.

'Now then, how did that bit of Sacha-
rino's go? Let me see." He beat time
with a paw. 'Blood for something, some-
thing, something. He who something,

something, some ' Something like that.

'Blood for — er — blood for — er ' No,

it's gone again. I know there was a bit
of blood in it."

'I'm sure you'll get it soon," said Hya-

220

BE LIKE WIGGS?"

cinth. 'It sounds as though it's going to
be just the sort of thing that's wanted."

'Oh, I shall get it all right. Some of
the words have escaped me for the moment,
that's all. 'Blood — er — blood.' You must
have heard of it, Princess: it's about blood
for he who something; you must know the
one I mean."

'I know I've heard of it," said the Princess,
wrinkling her forehead, 'only I can't quite
think of it for the moment. It's about a —

Yes, that's it," said Udo.

Then they both looked up at the ceiling
with their heads on one side and murmured
to themselves.

But noon came and still they hadn't thought
of it.

After a simple meal they returned to the
library.

'I think I'd better write to Coronel,"
said Udo, "and ask him about it.':

" WHY CAN'T YOU

'I thought you said his name was
Sacharino."

"Oh, this is not the poet, it's just a friend
of mine, but he's rather good at this sort
of thing. The trouble is that it takes such
a long time for a letter to get there and
back."

At the word 'letter," Hyacinth started
suddenly.

"Oh, Prince Udo," she cried, "I can never
forgive myself. I've just remembered the
very thing. Father told me in his letter
that a little couplet he once wrote was being
very useful for — er — removing things.'1

"What sort of things?' said Udo, not too
hopefully.

"Oh, enchantments and things.'1

Udo was a little annoyed at the "and
things" — as though turning him back into
a Prince again was as much in the day's
work as removing rust from a helmet.

"It goes like this," said Hyacinth.

BE LIKE WIGGS?

Bo, boll, bill, bole.
Wo, woll, will, wole.'

6 It sounds as though it would remove any-
thing," she added, with a smile.

Udo sat up rather eagerly.

"I'll try," he said. 'Is there any par-
ticular action goes with it?'

"I've never heard of any. I expect you
ought to say it as if you meant it.':

Udo sat up on his back paws, and, ges-
ticulating freely with his right paw, de-
claimed :

'Bo, boll, bill, bole.
Wo, woll, will, wole."

He fixed his eyes on his paws, waiting for
the transformation.

He waited.

And waited.

Nothing happened.

"It must be all right," said Hyacinth
anxiously, 'because I'm sure Father would
know. Try saying it more like this."

223

WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE WIGGS?'

She repeated the lines in a voice so melt-
ing, yet withal so dignified, that the very
chairs might have been expected to get up
and walk out.

Udo imitated her as well as he could.

At about the time when Wiggs was just
falling asleep, he repeated it in his fiftieth
different voice.

"I'm sorry," said Hyacinth; "perhaps it
isn't so good as Father thought it was.':

"There's just one chance,'3 said Udo.
"It's possible it may have to be said on an
empty stomach. I'll try it to-morrow before
breakfast.'5

Upstairs Wiggs was dreaming of the dancing
that she had given up for ever.

And what Belvane was doing I really
don't know.

CHAPTER XV

THERE IS A LOVER WAITING FOR HYACINTH

SO the next morning before breakfast
Wiggs went up on to the castle walls
and wished. She looked over the
meadows, and across the peaceful stream
that wandered through them, to the forest
where she had first met her fairy, and she
gave a little sigh. 'Good-bye, dancing,"
she said; and then she held the ring up and
went on bravely, 'Please, I was a very good

225

THERE IS A LOVER

girl all yesterday, and I wish that Prince Udo
may be well again.'1

For a full minute there was silence. Then
from the direction of Udo's room below there
came these remarkable words :

' Take the beastly stuff away, and bring
me a beefsteak and a flagon of sack! '

Between smiles and tears Wiggs mur-
mured, 'He sounds all right. I am g —
glad.

And then she could bear it no longer.
She hurried down and out of the Palace
— away, away from Udo and the Princess
and the Countess and all their talk, to the
cool friendly forest, there to be alone and to
think over all that she had lost.

It was very quiet in the forest. At the
foot of her own favourite tree, a veteran
of many hundred summers who stood sentinel
over an open glade that dipped to a gurgling
brook and climbed gently away from it, she

sat down. On the soft green yonder she might

226

WAITING FOR HYACINTH

have danced, an enchanted place, and now —
never, never, never. . . .

How long had she sat there? It must
have been a long time — because the forest
had been so quiet, and now it was so full
of sound. The trees were murmuring some-
thing to her, and the birds were singing it,
and the brook was trying to tell it too, but
would keep chuckling over the very idea so
that you could hardly hear what it was
saying, and there were rustlings in the grass-
"Get up, get up," everything was calling
to her; "dance, dance."

She got up, a little frightened. Every-
thing seemed so strangely beautiful. She
had never felt it like this before. Yes, she
would dance. She must say, : Thank you,'
for all this somehow; perhaps they would ex-
cuse her if it was not very well expressed.

"This will just be for Thank you,'"
she said as she got up. "I shall never dance

again.'5

227

^4 TIC? ^eTi 5/ie danced

THERE IS A LOVER

And then she danced. . . .

Where are you, Hyacinth? There is a lover
waiting for you somewhere, my dear.

It is the first of Spring. The blackbird
opens his yellow beak, and whistles cool
and clear. There is blue magic in the morn-
ing; the sky, deep-blue above, melts into white
where it meets the hills. The wind waits
for you up yonder — will you go to meet
it? Ah, stay here! The hedges have put
on their green coats for you; misty green are
the tall elms from which the rooks are chatter-
ing. Along the clean white road, between the
primrose banks, he comes. Will you be round

this corner? or the next? He is looking

for you, Hyacinth.

(She rested, breathless, and then danced
again.)

It is summer afternoon. All the village
is at rest save one. 'Cuck-oo!' comes
from the deep dark trees; "Cuck-oo!' he
calls again, and flies away to send back the

228

WAITING FOR HYACINTH

answer. The fields, all green and gold, sleep
undisturbed by the full river which creeps
along them. The air is heavy with the scent
of may. Where are you, Hyacinth? Is not
this the trysting-place? I have waited for
you so long! . . .

She stopped, and the watcher in the bushes
moved silently away, his mind aflame with
fancies.

Wiggs went back to the Palace to tell
everybody that she could dance.

• • • • • • •

'Shall we tell her how it happened?'
said Udo jauntily. 'I just recited a couple
of lines — poetry, you know — backwards, and
— well, here I am ! '

"O oh! "said Wiggs.

229

CHAPTER XVI

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

THE entrance of an attendant into his
room that morning to bring him his
early bran-mash had awakened Udo.
As soon as she was gone he jumped up, shook
the straw from himself, and said in a very
passion of longing,

Bo, boll, bill, bole.
Wo, woll, will, wole.

He felt that it was his last chance. Ex-
hausted by his effort, he fell back on the
straw and dropped asleep again. It was

231

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

nearly an hour later that he became properly
awake.

Into his feelings I shall not enter at any
length; I leave that to Roger Scurvilegs.
Between ourselves Roger is a bit of a snob.
The degradation to a Prince of Araby to
be turned into an animal so ludicrous, the
delight of a Prince of Araby at regaining
his own form, it is this that he chiefly dwells
upon. Really, I think you or I would have
been equally delighted. I am sure we can
guess how Udo felt about it.

He strutted about the room, he gazed
at himself in every glass, he held out his
hand to an imaginary Hyacinth with "Ah,
dear Princess, and how are we this morn-
ing?' Never had he felt so handsome and
so sure of himself. It was in the middle
of one of his pirouettings, that he caught
sight of the unfortunate bran-mash, and
uttered the remarkable words which I have
already recorded.

232

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

The actual meeting with Hyacinth was
even better than he had expected. Hardly
able to believe that it was true, she seized
his hands impulsively and cried :

'Oh, Prince Udo! oh, my dear, I am so
glad!"

Udo twirled his moustache and felt a
very gay dog indeed.

At breakfast (where Udo did himself
extremely well) they discussed plans. The
first thing was to summon the Countess into
their presence. An attendant was sent to
fetch her.

"If you would like me to conduct the
interview," said Udo, 'I've no doubt
that "

"I think I shall be all right now that
you are with me. I shan't feel so afraid
of her now.':

The attendant came in again.

"Her ladyship is not yet down, your
Royal Highness.'3

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BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

"Tell her that I wish to see her directly
she is down," said the Princess.

The attendant withdrew.

"You were telling rne about this army
of hers/5 said Udo. 'One of my ideas — I
had a good many while I was — er — in retire-
ment— was that she could establish the army
properly at her own expense, and that she her-
self should be perpetual orderly-sergeant.'1

* Isn't that a nice thing to be?' asked
Hyacinth innocently.

'It's a horrible thing to be. Another of
my ideas was that

The attendant came in again.

'Her ladyship is a little indisposed, and
is staying in bed for the present.'1

'Oh! Did her ladyship say when she
thought of getting up ? '

'Her ladyship didn't seem to think of
getting up at all to-day. Her ladyship told
me to say that she didn't seem to know
when she'd get up again.'1

234

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

The attendant withdrew, and Hyacinth
and Udo, standing together in a corner, dis-
cussed the matter anxiously.

"I don't quite see what we can do," said
Hyacinth. "We can't pull her out of bed.
Besides, she may really be ill. Supposing
she stays there for ever ! '

"Of course," said Udo. 'It would be
rather '

* * m_/ ,*•%. <• •• «-* X-V ^-fc. ^ -1- ^"TT *~*.

You see if we

"We might possibly

66 Good morning, all!' said Belvane,
sweeping into the room. She dropped a
profound curtsey to the Princess. 'Your
Royal Highness! And dear Prince Udo,
looking his own charming self again ! '

She had made a superb toilet. In her
flowing gold brocade, cut square in front
to reveal the whitest of necks, with her
black hair falling in two braids to her knees
and twined with pearls which were caught
up in loops at her waist, she looked indeed

235

Good morning,
said Belvane

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

a Queen; while Hyacinth and Udo, taken
utterly by surprise, seemed to be two con-
spirators whom she had caught in the act of
plotting against her.

'I — I thought you weren't well, Countess,"
said Hyacinth, trying to recover herself.

'I not well?' cried Bel vane, clasping
her hands to her breast. 'I thought it

was his Royal Highness who Ah, but

he's looking a true Prince now.':

She turned her eyes upon him, and there
was in that look so much of admiration,
humour, appeal, impudence — I don't know
what (and Roger cannot tell us, either) —
that Udo forgot entirely what he was going
to say and could only gaze at her in winder.

Her mere entry had dazzled him. There
is no knowing with a woman like Bel vane;
and I believe that she had purposely kept
herself plain during these last few days
so that she might have the weapon of her
beauty to fall back upon in case anything went

236

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

wrong. Things had indeed gone wrong; Udo
had become a man again; and it was against
the man that this last weapon was directed.

Udo himself was only too ready. The
fact that he was once more attractive to
women meant as much as anything to him.
To have been attractive to Hyacinth would
have contented most of us, but Udo felt a little
uncomfortable with her. He could not forget
the last few days, nor the fact that he had once
been an object of pity to her. Now Belvane
had not pitied him.

Hyacinth had got control of herself by
this time.

"Enough of this, Countess," she said
with dignity. 'We have not forgotten the
treason which you were plotting against the
State ; we have not forgotten your base attack
upon our guest, Prince Udo. I order you now
to remain within the confines of the Palace
until we shall have decided wrhat to do with

you. You may leave us.':

237

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

Bel vane dropped her eyes meekly.
'I am at your Royal Highness 's com-
mands. I shall be in my garden when your
Royal Highness wants me."

She raised her eyes, gave one fleeting glance
to Prince Udo, and withdrew.

'A hateful woman," said Hyacinth.
"What shall we do with her?"

"I think," said Udo, "that I had better
speak to her seriously first. I have no
doubt that I can drag from her the truth of
her conspiracy against you. There may be
many others in it, in which case we shall
have to proceed with caution; on the other
hand, it may be just misplaced zeal on her

part, in which case '

'Was it misplaced zeal which made her
turn you into a ?'

Udo held up his hand hastily.
'I have not forgotten that," he said.
'Be sure that I shall exact full reparation.
Let me see; which is the way to her garden?'

238

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

Hyacinth did not know quite what to
make of her guest. At the moment when
she first saw him in his proper form the
improvement on his late appearance had
been so marked that he had seemed almost
the handsome young Prince of her dreams.
Every minute after that had detracted from
him. His face was too heavy, his manner
was too pompous; one of these days he would
be too fat.

Moreover he was just a little too sure of
his position in her house. She had wanted
his help, but she did not want so much of
it as she seemed to be likely to get.

Udo, feeling that it was going to be rather
a nice day, went into Bel vane's garden. He
had been there once before; it seemed to him
a very much prettier garden this morning, and
the woman who was again awaiting him much
more desirable.

Belvane made room for him on the seat

next her.

239

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

"This is where I sit when I write my
poetry," she said. 'I don't know if your
Royal Highness is fond of poetry?'

"Extremely/5 said Udo. 'I have never
actually written any or indeed read much,
but I have a great admiration for those who
— er — admire it. But it was not to talk
about poetry that I came out here, Countess. ':

"No?" said Belvane. "But your Royal
Highness must have read the works of Sacha-
rino, the famous bard of Araby?'

"Sacharino, of course. 'Blood for some-
thing, something He who something '

I mean, it's a delightful little thing. Every-
body knows it. But it was to talk about
something very different that I '

Blood for blood and shoon for shoon,
He who runs may read my rune"

quoted Belvane softly. "It is perhaps
Sacharino 's most perfect gem."

" That's it," cried Udo excitedly. " I knew

240

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

I knew it, if only I could— He broke off

suddenly, remembering the circumstances in
which he had wanted it. He coughed im-
portantly and explained for the third time that
he had not come to talk to her about poetry.

'But of course I think his most noble
poem of all," went on Bel vane, apparently
misunderstanding him, 'is the ode to your
Royal Highness upon your coming-of-age.
Let me see, how does it begin?

Prince Udo, so dashing and bold,
Is apparently eighteen years old.

It is eighteen years since

This wonderful Prince
Was born in the Palace, Pm told.'

'These Court Poets," said Udo, with an
air of unconcern, "flatter one, of course."
If he expected a compliment he was
disappointed.

: There I cannot judge," said Belvane,
* until I know your Royal Highness better."
She looked at him out of the corner of her
16 241

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

eyes. 'Is your Royal Highness very —
dashing?'

'I — er — well — er — one — that is to say.'
He waded on uncomfortably, feeling less
dashing every moment. He should have
realised at once that it was an impossible
question to answer.

'Your Royal Highness," said Belvane
modestly, "must not be too dashing with
us poor Euralians."

For the fourth time Udo explained that
he had come there to speak to her severely,
and that Belvane seemed to have mistaken
his purpose.

'Oh, forgive me, Prince Udo," she begged.
"I quite thought that you had come out to
commune soul to soul with a fellow-lover of
the beautiful."

"N— no," said Udo; "not exactly."

'Then what is it?' she cried, clasping
her hands eagerly together. "I know it
will be something exciting."

242

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

Udo stood up. He felt that he could be
more severe a little farther off. He moved
a few yards away, and then turned round
towards her, resting his elbow on the sundial.

'Countess," he began sternly, 'ten days
ago, as I was starting on my journey hither,
I was suddenly-

"Just a moment," said Belvane, whisper-
ing eagerly to herself rather than to him,
and she jumped up with a cushion from
the seat where she was sitting, and ran across
and arranged it under his elbow. "He would
have been so uncomfortable," she murmured,
and she hurried back to her seat again and sat
down and gazed at him, with her elbows on
her knees and her chin resting on her hands.
'Now go on telling me," she said breathlessly.

Udo opened his mouth with the obvious
intention of obeying her, but no words came.
He seemed to have lost the thread of his
argument. He felt a perfect fool, stuck up
there with his elbow on a cushion, just as if he

243

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

were addressing a public meeting. He looked
at his elbow as if he expected to find a glass of
water there ready, and Belvane divined his
look and made a movement as if she were
about to get it for him. It would be just like
her. He flung the cushion from him ("Oh,
mind my roses," cried Belvane) and came
down angrily to her. Belvane looked at
him with wide, innocent eyes.

: You — you — oh, dont look like that ! '

'Like that?' said Belvane, looking like
it again.

'Don't do it," shouted Udo, and he turned
and kicked the cushion down the flagged
path. "Stop it."
Belvane stopped it.

'Do you know/' she said, "I'm rather
frightened of you when you're angry with

me.3

'I am angry. Very, very angry. Ex-
cessively annoy ed.':

thought you were," she sighed.

244

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

'And you know very well why."

She nodded her head at him.

'It's my dreadful temper," she said. 'I
do such thoughtless things when I lose my
temper."

She sighed again and looked meekly at
the ground.

'Er, well, you shouldn't," said Udo weakly.

'It was the slight to my sex that made
me so angry. I couldn't bear to think that
we women couldn't rule ourselves for such
a short time, and that a man had to be called
in to help us." She looked up at him shyly.
'Of course I didn't know then w^hat the man
was going to be like. But now that I
know-
Suddenly she held her arms out to him
beseechingly.

'Stay with us, Prince Udo, and help us!
Men are so wise, so brave, so — so generous.
They know nothing of the little petty feelings
of revenge that women indulge."

245

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

'Really, Countess, we — er — you — er

Of course there is a good deal in what you
say, and I — er-

' Won't you sit down again, Prince Udo?'
Udo sat down next to her.
"And now/' said Belvane, "let's talk it
over comfortably as friends should.'1

'Of course,'1 began Udo, 'I quite see
your point. You hadn't seen me; you
didn't know anything about me; to you I
might have been just any man.';

'I knew a little about you when you
came here. Beneath the — er — outward mask
I saw how brave and dignified you were.
But even if I could have got you back to
your proper form again, I think I should
have been afraid to; because I didn't know
then how generous, how forgiving you

were.5

It seemed to be quite decided that Udo
was forgiving her. When a very beautiful
woman thanks you humbly for something

246

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

you have not yet given her, there is only
one thing for a gentleman to do. Udo
patted her hand reassuringly.

"Oh, thank you, your Royal Highness. "
She gave herself a little shake and jumped
up. "And now shall I show you my beautiful
garden?'

"A garden with you in it, dear Countess,
is always beautiful," he said gallantly. And
it was not bad, I think, for a man wrho had
been living on watercress and bran-mash only
the day before.

They wandered round the garden together.
Udo was now quite certain it wras going to
be a nice day.

It was an hour later when he came into
the library. Hyacinth greeted him eagerly.

"Well?" she said.

Udo nodded his head wisely.
'I have spoken to her about her conduct
to me," he said. 'There will be no more
trouble in that direction, I fancy. She ex-

247

BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF

plained her conduct to me very fully, and
I have decided to overlook it this time.'3

"But her robberies, her plots, her con-
spiracy against me! '

Udo looked blankly at her for a moment
and then pulled himself together.

"I am speaking to her about that this
afternoon," he said.

248

CHAPTER XVII

THE KING OF BARODIA DROPS THE WHISKER

HABIT

KING MERRIWIG sat in his tent, his
head held well back, his eyes gazing
upwards. His rubicund cheeks were
for the moment a snowy white. A hind of the
name of Carlo had him firmly by the nose.
Yet King Merriwig neither struggled nor
protested; he was, in fact, being shaved.

The Court Barber was in his usual con-
versational mood. He released his Majesty's
nose for a moment, and, as he turned to
sharpen his razor, remarked,
"Terrible war, this."

249

THE KING OF BARODIA

Terrible," agreed the King.

Don't seem no end to it, like."

Well, well," said Merriwig, "we shall

see.'

The barber got to work again.

"Do you know what I should do to the
King of Barodia if I had him here?'

Merriwig did not dare to speak, but he
indicated with his right eye that he was
interested in the conversation.

"I'd shave his whiskers off," said Carlo
firmly.

The King gave a sudden jerk, and for the
moment there were signs of a battle upon
the snow; then the King leant back again,
and in another minute or so the operation
was over.

"It will soon be all right," said Carlo,
mopping at his Majesty's chin. :Your
Majesty shouldn't have moved."

"It was my own fault, Carlo; you gave

me a sudden idea, that's all."

250

DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT

: You're welcome, your Majesty.''
As soon as he was alone the King took out
his tablets. On these he was accustomed
to record any great thoughts which occurred
to him during the day. He now wrote in
them these noble words:

'Jewels of wisdom may fall from the meanest
of hinds. '

He struck a gong to summon the Chan-
cellor into his presence.

'I have a great idea," he told the Chan-
cellor.

The Chancellor hid his surprise and ex-
pressed his pleasure.

'To-night I propose to pay a secret visit
to his Majesty the King of Barodia. Which
of the many tents yonder have my spies
located as the royal one?'

' The big one in the centre, above which the
Royal Arms fly."

4 1 thought as much. Indeed I have often
seen his Majesty entering it. But one pre-
251

THE KING OF BARODIA

fers to do these things according to the cus-
tom. Acting on the information given me by
my trusty spies, I propose to enter the King
of Barodia's tent at dead of night, and '

The Chancellor shuddered in anticipation.

"And shave his whiskers off."

The Chancellor trembled with delight.

"Your Majesty,5' he said in a quavering
voice, "forty years, man and boy, have I
served your Majesty, and your Majesty's
late lamented father, and never have I heard
such a beautiful plan.'1

Merriwig struggled with himself for a
moment, but his natural honesty was too
much for him.

"It was put into my head by a remark
of my Court Barber's," he said casually.
"But of course the actual working out of it
has been mine.':

"Jewels of wisdom," said the Chancellor
sententiously, "may fall from the meanest

of hinds."

252

DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT

'I suppose," said Merriwig, taking up his
tablets and absently scratching out the words
written thereon, " there is nothing in the rules
against it?'

'By no means, your Majesty. In the
annals of Euralia there are many instances
of humour similar to that which your Majesty
suggests: humour, if I may say so, which,
while evidencing to the ignorant only the
lighter side of war, has its roots in the most
fundamental strategical considerations."

Merriwig regarded him with admiration.
This was indeed a Chancellor.

'The very words," he answered, "which
I said to myself when the idea came to me.
5 The fact,' I said, 'that this will help us
to win the war, must not disguise from us
the fact that the King of Barodia will look
extremely funny without his whiskers.' To-
night I shall sally forth and put my plan into
practice."

At midnight, then, he started out. The

253

THE KING OF BARODIA

Chancellor awaited his return with some
anxiety. This might well turn out to be
the decisive stroke (or strokes) of the war.
For centuries past the ruling monarchs of
Barodia had been famous for their ginger
whiskers. 'As lost as the King of Barodia
without his whiskers'3 was indeed a proverb
of those times. A King without a pair, and at
such a crisis in his country's fortunes! It
was inconceivable. At the least he would have
to live in retirement until they grew again, and
without the leadership of their King the Barod-
ian army would become a rabble.

The Chancellor was not distressed at the
thought; he was looking forward to his return
to Euralia, where he kept a comfortable house.
It was not that his life in the field was unin-
teresting; he had as much work to do as any
man. It was part of his business, for instance,
to test the pretentious of any new wizard or
spell-monger who was brought into the camp.

Such and such a quack would seek an interview

254

DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT

on the pretext that for five hundred crowns he
could turn the King of Barodia into a small
black pig. He would be brought before the
Chancellor.

"You say that you can turn a man into a
small black pig?' the Chancellor would ask.

"Yes, your lordship. It came to me from
my grandmother.'

"Then turn me," the Chancellor would
say simply.

The so-called wizard would try. As soon
as the incantation was over, the Chancellor
surveyed himself in the mirror. Then he
nodded to a couple of soldiers, and the impostor
was tied backwards on to a mule and driven
with jeers out of the camp. There were many
such impostors (who at least made a mule out
of it), and the Chancellor's life did not lack
excitement.

But he yearned now for the simple com-
forts of his home. He liked pottering about
his garden, when his work at the Palace was

255

THE KING OF BARODIA

finished; he liked, over the last meal of the
day, to tell his wife all the important things
he had been doing since he had seen her, and
to impress her with the fact that he was the
holder of many state secrets which she must
not attempt to drag from him. A woman of
less tact would have considered the subject
closed at this point, but she knew that he was
only longing to be persuaded. However, as
she always found the secrets too dull to tell
any one else, no great harm was done.

"Just help me off with this cloak," said a
voice in front of him.

The Chancellor felt about until his hands
encountered a solid body. He undid the cloak
and the King stood revealed before him.

"Thanks. Well, I've done it. It went
to my heart to do it at the last moment, so
beautiful they were, but I nerved myself
to it. Poor soul, he slept like a lamb through
it all. I wonder what he'll say when he wakes

up."

256

DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT

"Did you bring them back with you?'
asked the Chancellor excitedly.

"My dear Chancellor, what a question!'
He produced them from his pocket. ' In the
morning we'll run them up on the flagstaff
for all Barodia to see."

"He won't like that," said the Chancellor,
chuckling.

"I don't quite see what he can do about
it," said Merriwig.

The King of Barodia didn't quite see
either.

A fit of sneezing woke him up that morn-
ing, and at the same moment he felt a curious
draught about his cheeks. He put his hand up
and immediately knew the worst.

'Hullo, there!' he bellowed to the sentry
outside the door.

"Your Majesty," said the sentry, coming
in with alacrity.

257

The tent seemed to swim before
his eyes, and he knew no more

THE KING OF BARODIA

The King bobbed down again at once.

"Send the Chancellor to me," said an angry
voice from under the bedclothes.

When the Chancellor came in it was to see
the back only of his august monarch.

"Chancellor," said the King, 'prepare
yourself for a shock. "

"Yes, sir," said the Chancellor, trembling
exceedingly.

"You are about to see something which
no man in the history of Barodia has ever
seen before."

The Chancellor, not having the least idea
what to expect, waited nervously. The next
moment the tent seemed to swim before his
eyes, and he knew no more. . . .

When he came to, the King was pouring
a jug of water down his neck and murmuring
rough words of comfort in his ear.

"Oh, your Majesty," said the poor Chan-
cellor, "your Majesty! I don't know what
to say, your Majesty." He mopped at him-

258

DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT

self as he spoke, and the water trickled from
him on to the floor.

"Pull yourself together," said the King
sternly. "We shall want all your wisdom,
which is notoriously not much, to help us
in this crisis."

"Your Majesty, who has dared to do this
grievous thing?'

"You fool, how should I know? Do you
think they did it while I was awake?'

The Chancellor stiffened a little. He was
accustomed to being called a fool ; but that was
by a man with a terrifying pair of ginger
whiskers. From the rather fat and uninspiring
face in front of him he was inclined to resent
it.

"What does your Majesty propose to do?'
he asked shortly.

"I propose to do the following. Upon
you rests the chief burden."

The Chancellor did not look surprised.

"It will be your part to break the news

259

THE KING OF BARODIA

as gently as possible to my people. You
will begin by saying that I am busy with a
great enchanter who has called to see me,
and that therefore I am unable to show myself
to my people this morning. Later on in the
day you will announce that the enchanter has
shown me how to defeat the wicked Euralians ;
you will dwell upon the fact that this victory,
as assured by him, involves an overwhelming
sacrifice on my part, but that for the good of
my people I am willing to endure it. Then you
will solemnly announce that the sacrifice I am
making, have indeed already made, is nothing
less than What are all those fools cheer-
ing for out there? ' A mighty roar of laughter
rose to the sky. 'Here, what's it all about?
Just go and look/'

The Chancellor went to the door of the tent
• — and saw.

He came back to the King, striving to
speak casually.

'Just a humorous emblem that the Eura-

260

DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT

lians have raised over their camp," he said.
"It wouldn't amuse your Majesty/1

"I am hardly in the mood for joking," said
the King. 'Let us return to business. As
I was saying, you will announce to the people
that the enormous sacrifice which their King
is prepared to make for them consists of-
There they go again. I must really see what
it is. Just pull the door back so that I may
see without being seen.'1

"It — it really wouldn't amuse your Ma-
jesty."

"Are you implying that I have no sense
of humour?" said the King sternly.

"Oh no, sire, but there are certain jokes,
jokes in the poorest of taste, that would nat-
urally not appeal to so delicate a palate as
your Majesty's. This — er — strikes me as
one of them.'3

" Of that I am the best judge," said the King
coldly. 'Open the door at once."

The Chancellor opened the door; and there

261

THE KING OF BARODIA

before the King's eyes, flaunting themselves in
the breeze beneath the Royal Standard of
Euralia, waved his own beloved whiskers.

The King of Barodia was not a lovable man,
and his daughters were decidedly plain, but
there are moments when one cannot help
admiring him. This was one of them.

"You may shut the door,'1 he said to the
Chancellor. 'The instructions which I gave
you just now," he went on in the same cold
voice, 'are cancelled. Let me think for a
moment.'1 He began to walk up and down his
apartment. You may think, too," he added
kindly. 'If you have anything not entirely
senseless to suggest, you may suggest it.':

He continued his pacings. Suddenly he
came to a dead stop. He was standing in
front of a large mirror. For the first time since
he was seventeen he had seen his face without
whiskers. His eyes still fixed on his reflection,
he beckoned the Chancellor to approach.

'Come here," he said, clutching him by

262

DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT

the arm. : You see that? ' He pointed to the
reflection. That is what I look like? The
mirror hasn't made a mistake of any kind?
That is really and truly what I look like?'

"Yes, sire."

For a little while the King continued to
gaze fascinated at his reflection, and then he
turned on the Chancellor.

:You coward!' he said. You weak-
kneed, jelly-souled, paper-livered imitation
of a man! You cringe to a King who looks
like that ! Why, you ought to kick me. ':

The Chancellor remembered that he had
one kick owing to him. He drew back his
foot, and then a thought occurred to him.

:You might kick me back," he pointed
out.

*I certainly should," said the King.
The Chancellor hesitated a moment.

4 1 think," he said, 'that these private
quarrels in the face of the common enemy
are to be deplored.'1

263

THE KING OF BARODIA

The King looked at him, gave a short laugh,
and went on walking up and down.

'That face again," he sighed as he came
opposite the mirror. 'No, it's no good; I
can never be King like this. I shall abdi-
cate.'1

"But, your Majesty, this is a very terrible
decision. Could not your Majesty live in
retirement until your Majesty had grown
your Majesty's whiskers again? Surely this

is "

The King came to a stand opposite him and
looked down on him gravely.

"Chancellor," he said, "those whiskers
which you have just seen fluttering in the
breeze have been for more than forty years
my curse. For more than forty years I have
had to live up to those whiskers, behaving,
not as my temperament, which is a kindly,
indeed a genial one, bade me behave, but as
those whiskers insisted I should behave. Ar-
rogant, hasty -tempered, over-bearing — these

264

DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT

are the qualities which have been demanded of
the owner of those whiskers. I played a part
which was difficult at first; of late, it has, alas!
been more easy. Yet it has never been my
true nature that you have seen."

He paused and looked silently at himself
in the glass.

"But, your Majesty," said the Chancellor
eagerly, 'why choose this moment to abdi-
cate? Think how your country will welcome
this new King whom you have just revealed to
me. And yet," he added regretfully, "it would
not be quite the same."

The King turned round to him.

There spoke a true Barodian," he said.
It would not be the same. Barodians have
come to expect certain qualities from their
rulers, and they would be lost without them.
A new King might accustom them to other
ways, but they are used to me, and they would
not like me different. No, Chancellor, I shall
abdicate. Do not wear so sad a face for me.

265

(6
ft

THE KING OF BARODIA

I am looking forward to my new life with the
greatest of joy."

The Chancellor was not looking sad for
him; he was looking sad for himself, thinking
that perhaps a new King might like changes
in Chancellors equally with changes in man-
ners or whiskers.

"But what will you do?' he asked.

"I shall be a simple subject of the new
King, earning my living by my own toil.''

The Chancellor raised his eyebrows at this.

"I suppose you think," said the King
haughtily, 'that I have not the intelligence
to earn my own living."

The Chancellor with a cough remarked
that the very distinguished qualities which
made an excellent King did not always imply
the corresponding — er — and so on.

"That shows how little you know about
it. Just to give one example. I happen to
know that I have in me the makings of an

excellent swineherd."

266

DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT

"A swineherd?'

:The man who — er — herds the swine. It
may surprise you to hear that, posing as a
swineherd, I have conversed with another of
the profession upon his own subject, without
his suspecting the truth. It is just such a busy
outdoor life as I should enjoy. One herds and
one milks, and one milks, and — er — herds, and
so it goes on day after day." A happy smile,
the first the Chancellor had ever seen there,
spread itself over his features. He clapped the
Chancellor playfully on the back and added,
4 1 shall simply love it."

The Chancellor was amazed. What a
story for his dinner-parties when the war

was over!

How will you announce it?" he asked, and
his tone struck a happy mean between the
tones in which you address a monarch and a
pig-minder respectively.

"That will be your duty. Now that I
have shaken off the curse of those whiskers,

267

THE KING OF BARODIA

I am no longer a proud man, but even a
swineherd would not care for it to get about
that he had been forcibly shaved while sleeping.
That this should be the last incident recorded
of me in Barodian history is unbearable. You
will announce therefore that I have been slain
in fair combat, though at dead of night, by the
King of Euralia, and that my whiskers fly
over his royal tent as a symbol of his victory.'1
He winked at the Chancellor and added, 'It
might as well get about that some one had
stolen my Magic Sword that evening."

The Chancellor was speechless with ad-
miration and approval of the plan. Like his
brother of Euralia, he too was longing to get
home again. The war had arisen over a per-
sonal insult to the King. If the King was no
longer King, why should the war go on?

'I think," said the future swineherd, "that
I shall send a Note over to the King of Euralia,
telling him my decision. To-night, when it is
dark, I shall steal away and begin my new life.

268

DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT

There seems to be no reason why the people
should not go back to their homes to-morrow.
By the way, that guard outside there knows
that I wasn't killed last night; that's rather
awkward.'

"I think," said the Chancellor, who was
already picturing his return home, and was
not going to be done out of it by a common
sentry, 'I think I could persuade him that
you were killed last night.'

"Oh, well, then, that's all right.'1 He drew
a ring from his ringer. ' Perhaps this will help
him to be persuaded. Now leave me while I
write to the King of Euralia.':

It was a letter which Merriwig was de-
cidedly glad to get. It announced bluntly
that the war was over, and added that the
King of Barodia proposed to abdicate. His
son would rule in his stead, but he was a
harmless fool, and the King of Euralia need
not bother about him. The King would be

much obliged if he would let it get about that

269

THE KING OF BARODIA

the whiskers had been won in fair fight; this
would really be more to the credit of both of
them. Personally he was glad to be rid of the
things, but one has one's dignity. He was
now retiring into private life, and if it were
rumoured abroad that he had been killed by
the King of Euralia matters would be much
more easy to arrange.

Merriwig slept late after his long night
abroad, and he found this Note waiting for
him when he awoke. He summoned the Chan-
cellor at once.

'What have you done about those — er —
trophies?" he asked.

"They are fluttering from your flagstaff,
sire, at this moment.'1

'Ah! And what do my people say?'

'They are roaring with laughter, sire, at
the whimsical nature of the jest."

"Yes, but what do they say?'

'Some say that your Majesty, with great
cunning, ventured privily in the night and cut

270

DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT

them off while he slept; others, that with great
bravery you defeated him in mortal combat
and carried them away as the spoils of the
victor.''

" Oh ! And what did you say ? '

The Chancellor looked reproachful.
'Naturally, your Majesty, I have not
spoken with them."

'Ah, well, I have been thinking it over in
the night, and I remember now that I did
kill him. You understand?'

; Your Majesty's skill in sword play will be
much appreciated by the people.''

"Quite so," said the King hastily. "Well,
that's all- -I'm getting up now. And we're
all going home to-morrow. ':

The Chancellor went out, rubbing his
hands with delight.

271

CHAPTER XVIII

THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST ENTERTAINS
TWO VERY YOUNG PEOPLE

DO you remember the day when the
Princess Hyacinth and Wiggs sat
upon the castle walls and talked of
Udo's coming? The Princess thought he would
be dark, and Wiggs thought he would be fair,
and he was to have the Purple Room — or was
it the Blue? — and anyhow he was to put the
Countess in her place and bring happiness to
Euralia. That seemed a long time ago to

273

THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST

Hyacinth now, as once more she sat on the
castle walls with Wiggs.

She was very lovely. She longed to get
rid of that 'outside help in our affairs"
which she had summoned so recklessly. They
were two against one now. Belvane actively
against her was bad enough; but Belvane in
the background with Udo as her mouthpiece —
Udo specially asked in to give the benefit of
his counsel — this was ten times worse.

What do you do, Wiggs?' she asked,
when you are very lonely and nobody loves
you?"

'Dance,'3 said Wiggs promptly.

'But if you don't want to dance?'
Wiggs tried to remember those dark ages
(about a week ago) when she couldn't
dance.

' I used to go into the forest," she said, "and
sit under my own tree, and by and by every-
body loved you."

'I wonder if they'd love me.9'

ENTERTAINS TWO YOUNG PEOPLE

'Of course they would. Shall I show you
my special tree?'

"Yes, but don't come with me; tell me where
it is. I want to be unhappy alone. "

So Wiggs told her how you followed her
special path, which went in at the corner of
the forest, until by and by the trees thinned
on either side, and it widened into a glade,
and you went downhill and crossed the brook
at the bottom and went up the other side until
it was all trees again, and the first and the
biggest and the oldest and the loveliest was
hers. And you turned round and sat with your
back against it, and looked across to where
you'd come from, and then you knew that
everything was all right.

"I shall find it,' said Hvacinth, as she

' */ *

got up . " Thank you , dear . ' :

She found it, she sat there, and her heart
was very bitter at first against Udo and
against Belvane, and even against her father
for going away and leaving her ; but by and by

275

THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST

the peace of the place wrapped itself round her,
and she felt that she would find a way out of
her difficulties somehow. Only she wished
that her father would come back, because he
loved her, and she felt that it would be nice to
be loved again.

' It is beautiful, isn't it? ' said a voice from
behind her.

She turned suddenly, as a tall young man
stepped out from among the trees.

"Oh, who are you, please?' she asked,
amazed at his sudden appearance. His dress
told her nothing, but his face told her things
which she was glad to know.

"My name," he said, "is Coronel.'

'It is a pretty name."

"Yes, but don't be led away by it. It
belongs to nobody very particular. Do you
mind if I sit down? I generally sit down here
about this time.':

"Oh, do you live in the forest?'

"I have lived here for the last week.': He

276

ENTERTAINS TWO YOUNG PEOPLE

gave her a friendly smile, and added, ' : You're
late, aren't you?'

"Late?"

:Yes, I've been expecting you for the
last seven days."

'How did you know there was any me at
all?" smiled Hyacinth.

With a movement of his hand Coronel
indicated the scene in front of him.

* There had to be somebody for whom all
this was made. It wanted somebody to say
thank you to it now and then.'1

"Haven't you been doing that all this
week?"

"Me? I wouldn't presume. No, it's your
glade, and you've neglected it shamefully."

"There's a little girl who comes here,"
said Hyacinth. 'I wonder if you have seen
her?"

Coronel turned away. There were secret
places in his heart into which Hyacinth could
not come — yet.

277

THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST

"She danced," he said shortly.

There was silence between them for a little,
but a comfortable silence, as if they were
already old friends.

:You know," said Hyacinth, looking down
at him as he lay at her feet, 'you ought not
to be here at all, really."

"I wish I could think that," said Coronel.
"I had a horrible feeling that duty called
me here. I love those places where one really
oughtn't to be at all, don't you?'

"I love being here," sighed Hyacinth.
"Wiggs was quite right.'1 Seeing him look
up at her she added, 'Wiggs is the little
girl who dances, you know.':

"She would be right," said Coronel, look-
ing away from her.

Hyacinth felt strangely rested. It seemed
that never again would anything trouble
her; never again would she have only her
own strength to depend upon. Who was he?
But it did not matter. He might go away and

278

ENTERTAINS TWO YOUNG PEOPLE

she might never see him again, but she was
no longer afraid of the world.

"I thought," she said, "that all the men of
Euralia were away fighting.'1

'So did I," said Coronel.

'Wliat are you, then? A Prince from a
distant country, an enchanter, a spy sent from
Barodia, a travelling musician? — you see,
I give you much to choose from.'

:You leave me nothing to be but what I
am — Coronel.'1

"And I am Hyacinth.'1

He knew, of course, but he made no sign.

'Hyacinth, "he said, and he held out his hand.

'Coronel," she answered as she took it.

The brook chuckled to itself as it hurried
past below them.

Hyacinth got up with a little sigh of con-
tentment.

'Well, I must be going," she said.

' Must you really be going? " asked Coronel.
'I wasn't saying good-bye, you know."

279

turned round and went
off daintily down the hill

THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST

'I really must."

'It's a surprising thing about the view from
here," said Coronel, 'that it looks just as
nice to-morrow. To-morrow about the same
time.'

'That's a very extraordinary thing," smiled
Hyacinth.

Yes, but it's one of those things that
you don't want to take another person's
word for."

: You think I ought to see for myself? Well,
perhaps I will.'1

'Give me a whistle if I happen to be
passing," said Coronel casually, 'and tell me
what you think. Good-bye, Hyacinth.'1

'Good-bye, Coronel. "

She nodded her head confidently at him,
and then turned round and went off daintily
down the hill.

Coronel stared after her.
"What is Udo doing?' he murmured to
himself. 'But perhaps she doesn't like

280

ENTERTAINS TWO YOUNG PEOPLE

animals. A whole day to wait. How end-
less!"

If he had known that Udo, now on two
legs again, was at that moment in Belvane's
garden, trying to tell her, for the fifth time
that week, about his early life in Araby, he
would have been still more surprised.

We left Coronel, if you remember, in Araby.
For three or four days he remained there,
wondering how Udo was getting on, and feel-
ing more and more that he ought to do some-
thing about it. On the fourth day he got on
to his horse and rode off again. He simply
must see what was happening. If Udo wanted
help, then he would be there to give it; if Udo
was all right again, then he could go comfor-
tably back to Araby.

To tell the truth, Coronel was a little
jealous of his friend. A certain Prince Peri-
vale, who had stayed at his uncle's court, had
once been a suitor for Hyacinth's hand; but
losing a competition with the famous seven-

281

THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST

headed bull of Euralia, which Merriwig had
arranged for him, had made no further head-
way with his suit. This Prince had had a
portrait of Hyacinth specially done for him by
his own Court Painter, a portrait which Cor-
onel had seen. It was for this reason that he
had at first objected to accompanying Udo to
Euralia, and it was for this reason that he
persuaded himself very readily that the claims
of friendship called him there now.

For the last week he had been waiting in the
forest. Now that he was there, he was not
quite sure how to carry out his mission. So
far there had been no sign of Udo, either on
four legs or on two; it seemed probable that
unless Coronel went to the Palace and asked
for him, there would be no sign. And if he
went to the Palace, and Udo was all right, and
the Princess Hyacinth was in love with him,
then the worst would have happened. He
would have to stay there and help admire Udo
— an unsatisfying prospect to a man in love.

282

ENTERTAINS TWO YOUNG PEOPLE

For he told himself by this time that he was in
love with Hyacinth, although he had never
seen her.

So he had waited in the forest, hoping for
something to turn up; and first Wiggs had
come . . . and now at last Hyacinth. He
was very glad that he had waited.

She was there on the morrow.

"I knew you'd come," said Coronel. "It
looks just as beautiful, doesn't it ? '

"I think it's even more beautiful," said
Hyacinth.

"You mean those little white clouds? That
was my idea putting those in. I thought
you'd like them.'1

"I wondered what you did all day. Does
it keep you very busy ? '

Oh," said Coronel, "I have time for

singing."

"Why do you sing?'

Because I am young and the forest is

beautiful.'3

283

THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST

'I have been singing this morning, too."
'Why?" asked Coronel eagerly.
'Because the war with Barodia is over.95
' Oh ! " said Coronel, rather taken aback.
'That doesn't interest you. Yet if you
were a Euralian-

4 But it interests me extremely. Let us
admire the scene for a moment, while I
think. Look, there is another of my little
clouds.'1

Coronel wondered what would happen now.
If the King were coming back, then Udo
would be wanted no longer save as a suitor for
Hyacinth's hand. If, then, he returned, it

would show that But suppose he was

still an animal? It was doubtful if he would
go back to Araby as an animal. And then
there was another possibility : perhaps he had
never come to Euralia at all. Here were a lot
of questions to be answered, and here next to
him was one who could answer them. But he
must go carefully.

284

ENTERTAINS TWO YOUNG PEOPLE

' Ninety -seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine,
a hundred," he said a^Joud. "There, I've
finished my thinking and you've finished your
looking.''

'And what have you decided?' smiled
Hyacinth .

'Decided?' said Coronel, rather startled.

'Oh, no, I wasn't deciding anything, I was

just thinking. I was thinking about animals."

"So was I."

'How very curious, and also how wrong
of you. You were supposed to be admiring
my clouds. What sort of animals were you
thinking about?'

"Oh— all sorts."

'I was thinking about rabbits. Do you
care for rabbits at all?'

'Not very much."

'Neither do I. They're so loppity. Do
you like lions ? '

'I think their tails are rather silly," said
Hyacinth.

285

THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST

:Yes, perhaps they are. Now — a woolly
lamb."

'I am not very fond of woolly lambs just

now.:

"No? Well, they're not very interesting.
It's a funny thing,'1 he went on casually,
trying to steal a glance at her, 'that we
should be talking about those three animals,
because I once met somebody who was a
mixture of all three together at the same
time.'

'So did I," said Hyacinth gravely.

But he saw her mouth trembling, and
suddenly she turned round and caught his
eye, and then they burst out laughing to-
gether.

'Poor Udo," said Coronel; "and how is he
looking now?'

'He is all right again now.':

'All right again? Then why isn't he

But I'm very glad he isn't.'1

"I didn't like him," said Hyacinth, blush-

286

ENTERTAINS TWO YOUNG PEOPLE

ing a little. And then she went on bravely,
'But I think he found he didn't like me
first."

' He wants humouring," said Coronel. "It's
my business to humour him, it isn't yours.'1

Hyacinth looked at him with a new in-
terest.

'Now I know who you are," she said. 'He
talked about you once.':

'What did he say?' asked Coronel, ob-
viously dying to know.

'He said that you were good at poetry.'1

Coronel was a little disappointed. He
would have preferred Hyacinth to have
been told that he was good at dragons.
However, they had met now and it did not
matter.

'Princess," he said suddenly, "I expect
you wonder what I am doing here. I came
to see if Prince Udo was in need of help, and
also to see if you were in need of help. Prince
Udo was my friend, but if he has not been a

287

THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST

friend of yours, then lie is no longer a friend of
mine. Tell me what has been happening here,
and then tell me if in any way I can help

you."

"You called me Hyacinth yesterday," she
said, "and it is still my name.':

"Hyacinth," said Coronel, taking her hand,
"tell me if you want me at all."

"Thank you, Coronel. You see, Coronel,
it's like this." And sitting beneath Wiggs's
veteran of the forest, with Coronel lying at
her feet, she told him everything.

"It seems easy enough," he said when she
had finished. You want Udo pushed out and
the Countess put in her place. I can do the
one while you do the other."

"Yes, but how do I push Prince Udo out?'

"That's what Tm going to do."

:Yes, but, Coronel dear, if I could put the

Countess in her place, shouldn't I have done

it a long time ago? I don't think you quite

know the sort of person she is. And I don't

288

ENTERTAINS TWO YOUNG PEOPLE

quite know what her place is either, which
makes it rather hard to put her into it. You
see, I don't think I told you that — that Father
is rather fond of her."

'I thought you said Udo was."
"They both are."

'Then how simple. We simply kill Udo,
and — and- -well, anyhow, there's one part
of it done.':

:Yes, but what about the other part?'
Coronel thought for a moment.

' Would it be simpler if we did it the other
way round?" he said. 'Killed the Countess
and put Udo in his place.'

'Father wouldn't like that at all, and he's
coming back to-morrow. "

Coronel didn't quite see the difficulty.
If the King was in love with the Countess,
he would marry her whatever Hyacinth did.
And what was the good of putting her in her
place for one day if her next place was to be
on the throne.

£89

THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST

Hyacinth guessed what he was thinking.

"Oh, don't you see," she cried, "she
doesn't know that the King is coming back
to-morrow. And if I can only just show her —
I don't mind if it's only for an hour — that I
am not afraid of her, and that she has got to
take her orders from me, then I shan't mind
so much all that has happened these last weeks.
But if she is to have disregarded me all the
time, if she is to have plotted against me from
the very moment my father went away, and if
nothing is to come to her for it but that she
marries my father and becomes Queen of
Euralia, then I can have no pride left, and I
will be a Princess no longer.'3

"I must see this Bel vane," said Coronel
thoughtfully.

'Oh, Coronel, Coronel," cried Hyacinth,
'if you fall in love with her, too, I think I
shall die of shame ! '

'With her, Hyacinth?' he said, turning
to her in amazement.

290

ENTERTAINS TWO YOUNG PEOPLE

Yes, you — I didn't — you never — I

Her voice trailed away; she could not meet his
gaze any longer; she dropped her eyes, and
the next moment his arms were round her,
and she knew that she would never be alone
again.

291

CHAPTER XIX

UDO BEHAVES LIKE A GENTLEMAN

A ND now," said Coronel, "we'd better
/-% decide what to do.':

'But I don't mind w^hat we do
now," said Hyacinth happily. ' She may have
the throne and Father and Udo, and — and
anything else she can get, and I shan't mind
a bit. You see, I have got you now, Coronel,
and I can never be jealous of anybody again."
'That's what makes it so jolly. We can
do what we like, and it doesn't matter if it
doesn't come off. So just for fun let's think
of something to pay her out."

293

UDO BEHAVES LIKE

'I feel I don't want to hurt anybody
to-day."

4 All right, we won't hurt her, we'll humour
her. We will be her most humble obedient ser-
vants . She shall have everything she wants . ' :

'Including Prince Udo," smiled Hyacinth.

'That's a splendid idea. We'll make her
have Udo. It will annoy your father, but
one can't please everybody. Oh, I can see
myself enjoying this."

They got up and wandered back along
Wiggs's path, hand in hand.

'I'm almost afraid to leave the forest,"
said Hyacinth, "in case something happens."
"What should happen?"

'I don't know; but all our life together has
been in the forest, and I'm just a little afraid
of the world."

'I will be very close to you always, Hya-
cinth."

'Be very close, Coronel," she whispered,
and then they walked out together.

294

A GENTLEMAN

If any of the servants at the Palace were
surprised to see Coronel, they did not show
it. After all, that was their business.

"Prince Coronel will be staying here/1
said the Princess. 'Prepare a room for him
and some refreshment for us both.'3 And if
they discussed those things in the servants'
halls of those days (as why should they not?),
no doubt they told each other that the Princess
Hyacinth (bless her pretty face !) had found her
man at last. Why, you only had to see her look-
ing at him. But I get no assistance from Roger
at this point; he pretends that he has a mind
far above the gossip of the lower orders.

"I say," said Coronel, as they went up
the grand staircase, 'I'm not a Prince, you
know. Don't say I have deceived you."

"You are my Prince," said Hyacinth
proudly.

"My dear, I am a king among men to-day,
and you are my queen, but that's in our
own special country of twro."

295

UDO BEHAVES LIKE

'If you are so particular," said Hyacinth,
with a smile, "Father will make you a proper
Prince directly he comes back."

"Will he? That's what I'm wondering.
You see he doesn't know yet about our little
present to the Countess."

• ••••••

But it is quite time we got back to Bel-
vane; we have left her alone too long. It was
more than Udo did. Just now he was with
her in her garden, telling her for the fifth time
an extraordinarily dull story about an en-
counter of his with a dragon, apparently in its
dotage, to which Belvane was listening with
an interest which surprised even the narrator.

"And then,"' said Udo, 'I jumped quickly
to the right, and whirling my — no, wait a
bit, that was later — I jumped quickly to
my left — yes, I remember it now, it was my
left — I jumped quickly to my left, and whirling
my "

He stopped suddenly at the expression on

296

A GENTLEMAN

Bel vane's face. She was looking over his
shoulder at something behind him.

"Why, whoever is this?' she said, getting
to her feet.

Before Udo had completely cleared his
mind of his dragon, the Princess and Coronel
were upon them.

"Ah, Countess, I thought we should find
you together, ' ' said Hyacinth archly . ' Let me
present to you my friend, the Duke Coronel.
Coronel, this is Countess Bel vane, a very dear
and faithful friend of mine. Prince Udo, of
course, you know. His Royal Highness and
the Countess are — well, it isn't generally
known at present, so perhaps I oughtn't to
say anything.'1

Coronel made a deep bow to the astonished
Bel vane.

;Your humble servant," he said. :You
will, I am sure, forgive me if I say how glad
I am to hear your news. Udo is one of my
oldest friends" — he turned and clapped that

297

Let me present to you my
friend the Duke Coronet

UDO BEHAVES LIKE

bewildered Highness on the back — "aren't
you, Udo? and I can think of no one more
suitable in every way.': He bowed again,
and turned back to the Prince. 'Well, Udo,
you're looking splendid. A different thing,
Countess, from when I last saw him. Let me
see, that must have been just the day before
he arrived in Euralia. Ah, what a miracle-
worker True Love is!'

I think one of the things which made Bel-
vane so remarkable was that she was never
afraid of remaining silent when she was not
quite sure what to say. She waited therefore
while she considered what all this meant ; who
Coronel was, what he was doing there, even
whether a marriage with Udo was not after
all the best that she could hope for now.

Meanwhile Udo, of course, blundered along
gaily.

'We aren't exactly, Princess — I mean

What are you doing here, Coronel? — I didn't
know, Princess, that you The Countess

298

A GENTLEMAN

and I were just having a little — I was just
telling her what you said about — How did you
get here, Coronel?'

"Shall we tell him?' said Coronel, with a
smile at Hyacinth.

Hyacinth nodded.

"I rode," said Coronel. "It's a secret,"
he added.

"But I didn't know that you

"We find that we have really known each
other a very long time," explained Hyacinth.

"And hearing that there was to be a wed-
ding," added Coronel-

Belvane made up her mind. Coronel was
evidently a very different man from Udo.
If he stayed in Euralia as adviser — more
than adviser she guessed — to Hyacinth, her
own position would not be in much doubt.
And as for the King, it might be months be-
fore h^ came back, and when he did come
would he remember her? But to be Queen
of Araby was no mean thing.

299

UDO BEHAVES LIKE

"We didn't want it to be known yet,"
she said shyly, "but you have guessed our
secret, your Royal Highness." She looked
modestly at the ground, and, feeling for her
reluctant lover's hand, went on, 'Udo and
I" — here she squeezed the hand, and, finding
it was Coronel's, took Udo's boldly without
any more maidenly nonsense — "Udo and I
love each other."

'Say something, Udo," prompted Cor-
onel.

'Er — yes," said Udo, very unwillingly,
and deciding that he would explain it all
afterwards. Whatever his feelings for the
Countess, he was not going to be rushed
into a marriage.

"Oh, I'm so glad," said Hyacinth. "I
felt somehow that it must be coming, because
you've seen so much of each other lately.
Wiggs and I have often talked about it
together."

("What has happened to the child?'

300

A GENTLEMAN

thought Belvane. "She isn't a child at all,
she's grown up.")

"There's no holding Udo once he begins,"
volunteered Coronel. "He's the most de-
sperate lover in Araby.

"My father will be so excited when he
hears," said Hyacinth. : You know, of course,
that his Majesty comes back to-morrow with
all his arrny.';

She did not swoon nor utter a cry. She did
not plead the vapours or the megrims. She
took unflinching what must have been the
biggest shock in her life.

"Then perhaps I had better see that
everything is ready in the Palace," she said,
"if your Royal Highness will excuse me.':
And with a curtsey she was gone.

Coronel exchanged a glance with Hya-
cinth. "I'm enjoying this," he seemed to
say. • ' "• ' • '

"Well," she announced, "I must be going
in, too. There'll be much to see about."

301

UDO BEHAVES LIKE

Coronel was left alone with the most
desperate lover in Araby.

4 And now," said the Prince, "tell me what
you are doing here."

Coronel put his arm in Udo's and walked

him up and down the flagged path.

'Your approaching marriage," he said, "is
the talk of Araby. Naturally I had to come
here to see for myself what she was like. My
dear Udo, she's charming; I congratulate you."

'Don't be a fool, Coronel. I haven't the
slightest intention of marrying her."

'Then why have you told everybody that
you are going to?'

:You know quite well I haven't told any-
body. There hasn't been a single word about
it mentioned until you pushed your way in
just now."

'Ah, well, perhaps you hadn't heard about
it. But the Princess knows, the Countess
knows, and I know — yes, I think you may
take our word for it that it's true."

302

A GENTLEMAN

"I haven't the slightest intention — what do
you keep clinging on to my arm like this for? '

"My dear Udo, I'm so delighted to see you
again. Don't turn your back on old friend-
ships just because you have found a nobler

and a truer Oh, very well, if you're

going to drop all your former friends, go on
then. But when Fm married, there will
always be a place for

"Understand once and for all," said Udo
angrily, 'that I am not getting married.
No, don't take my arm — we can talk quite
well like this."

"I am sorry, Udo," said Coronel meekly;
"we seem to have made a mistake. But you
must admit we found you in a very com-
promising position."

"It wasn't in the least compromising,"
protested Udo indignantly. 'As a matter of
fact I was just telling her about that dragon I
killed in Araby last year."

"Ah, and who would listen to a hopeless

303

UDO BEHAVES LIKE

story like that, but the woman one was
going to marry?'

"Once more, I am not going to marry
her."

"Well, you must please yourself, but you
have compromised her severely with that story.
Poor innocent girl. Well, let's forget about it.
And now tell me, how do you like Euralia?'

"I am returning to Araby this afternoon,"
said Udo stiffly.

"Well, perhaps you're right. I hope that
nothing will happen to you on the way.':

Udo, who was about to enter the Palace,
turned round with a startled look.

"What do you mean?'

"Well, something happened on the way
here. By the by, how did that happen?
You never told me."

"Your precious Countess, whom you expect
me to marry."

"How very unkind of her. A nasty per-
son to annoy. ': He was silent for a moment,

304

A GENTLEMAN

and then added thoughtfully, "I suppose it is
rather annoying to think you're going to
marry somebody whom you love very much,
and then find you're not going to.':

Udo evidently hadn't thought of this. He
tried to show that he was not in the least
frightened.

'She couldn't do anything. It was only
by a lucky chance she did it last time."

'Yes, but of course the chance might
come again. You'd have the thing hanging
over you always. She's clever, you know;
and I should never feel quite safe if she were
my enemy. . . . Lovely flowers, aren't
they? What's the name of this one?'

Udo dropped undecidedly into a seat.
This wanted thinking out. The Countess —
what was wrong with her, after all? And
she evidently adored him. Of course that
was not surprising; the question was, was it
fair to disappoint one who had, perhaps,

some little grounds for ? After all, he

305

UDO BEHAVES LIKE

had been no more gallant than was customary
from a Prince and a gentleman to a beautiful
woman. It was her own fault if she had mis-
taken his intentions. Of course he ought to
have left Euralia long ago. But he had stayed
on, and — well, decidedly she was beautiful —
perhaps he had paid rather too much attention
to that. And he had certainly neglected the
Princess a little. After all, again, why not
marry the Countess ? It was absurd to suppose
there was anything in Coronet's nonsense, but
one never knew. Not that he was marrying
her out of fear. No; certainly not. It was
simply a chivalrous whim on his part. The
poor woman had misunderstood him, and she
should not be disappointed.

'She seems fond of flowers," said Coronel.
:You ought to make the Palace garden look
beautiful between you.'1

'Now, understand clearly, Coronel, I'm
not in the least frightened by the Countess."
My dear Udo, what a speech for a lover!

306

A GENTLEMAN

Of course you're not. After all, what you bore
with such patience and dignity once, you can
bear again.'1

" That subject is distasteful to me. I
must ask you not to refer to it. If I marry
the Countess

"You'll be a very lucky man," put in Cor-
onel. "I happen to know that the King of
Euralia — howrever, she's chosen you, it seems.
Personally, I can't make out what she sees in
you. What is it?'

'I should have thought it was quite obvi-
ous," said Udo with dignity. 'Well, Coronel,
I think perhaps you are right and that it's
my duty to marry her."

Coronel shook him solemnly by the hand.

'I congratulate your Royal Highness. I
will announce your decision to the Princess.
She will be much amu — much delighted."
And he turned into the Palace.

Pity him, you lovers. He had not seen
Hyacinth for nearly ten minutes.

307

CHAPTER XX

CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD STORY WHEN HE

HEARS IT

QUOTE (with slight alterations) from
an epic by Charlotte Patacake, a con-
temporary poet of the country:

King Merriwig the First rode back from war,
As many other Kings had done before;
Five hundred men behind him were in sight
(Left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right).

So far as is known, this was her only work,
but she built up some reputation on it, and
Belvane, who was a good judge, had a high

opinion of her genius.

309

CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD

To be exact, there were only four hundred
and ninety-nine men. Henry Smallnose, a
bowman of considerable promise, had been
left behind in the enemy's country, the one
casualty of the war. While spying out the
land in the early days of the invasion, he had
been discovered by the Chief Armourer of Ba-
rodia at full length on the wet grass searching
for tracks . The Chief Armourer, a kindly man,
had invited him to his cottage, dried him and
given him a warming drink, and had told him
that, if ever his spying took him that way again,
he was not to stand on ceremony, but come in
and pay him a visit. Henry, having caught a
glimpse of the Chief Armourer's daughter, had
accepted without any false pride, and had fre-
quently dropped in to supper thereafter. Now
that the war was over, he found that he could
not tear himself away. With King Merriwig's
permission he was settling in Barodia, and with
the Chief Armourer's permission he was start-
ing on his new life as a married man.

310

STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT

As the towers of the castle came in sight,
Merriwig drew a deep breath of happiness.
Home again! The hardships of the war were
over ; the spoils of victory (wrapped up in tissue
paper) were in his pocket; days of honoured
leisure were waiting for him. He gazed at each
remembered landmark of his own beloved coun-
try, his heart overflowing with thankfulness.
Never again would he leave Euralia!

How good to see Hyacinth again! Poor
little Hyacinth left all alone; but there! she
had had the Countess Belvane, a woman of
great experience, to help her. Belvane!
Should he risk it? How much had she thought
of him while he was away? Hyacinth would
be growing up and getting married soon. Life

would be lonely in Euralia then, unless

Should he risk it?

What would Hyacinth say?

She was waiting for him at the gates of
the castle. She had wanted Coronel to wait
with her, but he had refused.

311

As the towers of the Castle
came in sight, Merriwig drew
a deep breath of happiness

CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD

"We must offer the good news to him
gradually," he said. 'When a man has just
come back from a successful campaign, he
doesn't want to find a surprise like this waiting
for him. Just think — we don't even know why
the war is over — he must be longing to tell
you that. Oh, he'll have a hundred things to
tell you first; but then, when he says 'And
what's been happening here while I've been
away? Nothing much, I suppose?' then you

can say

'Then I shall say, 'Nothing much; only
Coronel.' And such a clever!'

Oh, I have my ideas," said Coronel.
Well, I'll be out of the way somewhere. I
think I'll go for a walk in the forest. Or shall I
stay here, in the Countess's garden, and amuse
myself with Udo? Anyhow, I'll give you an
hour alone together first.'1

The cavalcade drew up in front of the
castle. Handkerchiefs fluttered to them from
the walls ; trumpets were blown ; hounds bayed.

312

(6
66

STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT

Down the steps came Hyacinth, all blue and
gold, and flung herself into her father's
arms.

"My dear child," said Merriwig as he
patted her soothingly. "There, there! It's
your old father come back again. H'r'm.
There, there ! ' He patted her again, as though
it were she and not himself who was in danger
of breaking down. " My little Hyacinth ! My
own little girl ! '

"Oh, Father, I am glad to have you back.'1

"There, there, my child. Now I must
just say a few words to my men, and then
we can tell each other all that has been
happening."

He took a step forward and addressed his
troops.

"Men of Euralia (cheers). We have re-
turned from a long and arduous conflict
(cheers) to the embraces (loud cheers) of our
mothers and wives and daughters (prolonged
cheering) — as the case may be (hear, hear).

313

CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD

In honour of our great victory I decree thats
from now onwards, to-morrow shall be ob-
served as a holiday throughout Euralia (terri-
fic cheering) . I bid you all now return to your
homes, and I hope that you will find as warm
a welcome there as I have found in mine.':
Here he turned and embraced his daughter
again ; and if his eye travelled over her shoulder
in the direction of Belvane's garden, it is a
small matter, and one for which the architect
of the castle, no doubt, was principally to
blame.

There was another storm of cheers, the
battle-cry of Euralia, "Ho, ho, Merriicig!9
was shouted from five hundred throats, and
the men dispersed happily to their homes.
Hyacinth and Merriwig went into the Palace.

"Now, Father," said Hyacinth later on,
when Merriwig had changed his clothes and
refreshed himself, 'you've got to tell me all
about it. I can hardly believe it's really

over."

314

STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT

"Yes, yes. It's all over," said Merriwig
heartily. 'We shan't have any trouble in
that direction again, I fancy. ':

' Do tell me, did the King of Barodia apolo-

• «i ?>
giser

'He did better than that, he abdicated.'1
"Why?"

'Well," said Merriwig, remembering just
in time, "I — er — killed him."
' Oh, Father, how rough of you."
' I don't think it hurt him very much, my
dear. It was more a shock to his feelings than
anything else. See, I have brought these
home for you."

He produced from his pocket a small
packet in tissue paper.

'Oh, how exciting! Whatever can it
be?"

Merriwig unwrapped the paper, and dis-
closed a couple of ginger whiskers, neatly
tied up with blue ribbon.
"Father!"

315

CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD

He picked out the left one, fons et origo
(if he had known any Latin) of the war,
and held it up for Hyacinth's inspec-
tion.

"There, you can see the place where Henry
Smallnose's arrow bent it. By the way,"
he added, 'Henry is marrying, and settling
down in Barodia. It is curious," he went on,
'how after a war one's thoughts turn to matri-
mony.'1 He glanced at his daughter to see
how she would take this, but she was still
engrossed with the whiskers.

"What am I going to do with them, Father?
I can't plant them in the garden.'1

'I thought we might run them up the flag-
staff, as we did in Barodia. "

'Isn't that a little unkind now that the
poor man's dead?'

Merriwig looked round him to see that
there were no eavesdroppers.

' Can you keep a secret? " he asked mysteri-
ously.

316

STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT

'Of course," said Hyacinth, deciding at
once that it would not matter if she only
told Coronel.

"Well, then, listen."

He told her of his secret journey to the King
of Barodia's tent; he told her of the King of
Barodia's letter; he told her more fully of his
early duel with the King; he told her every-
thing that he had said and done; and every-
thing that everybody else had said and done to
him; and his boyish pleasure in it all was so
evident and so innocent, that even a stranger
would have had nothing more reproachful for
him than a smile. To Hyacinth he seemed the
dearest of fathers and the most wonderful
of kings.

And by and by the moment came of which
Coronel had spoken.

'And now," said Merriwig, "tell me what
you have all been doing with yourselves here.
Nothing much, I suppose?'

He waited nervously, wondering if Hyacinth

317

CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD

would realise that "all" was meant to include
more particularly Bel vane.

Hyacinth drew a stool up to her father's
chair and sat down very close to him.

"Father," she said, stroking his hand where
it rested on his knee, "I have got some news
for you.'

"Nothing about the Coun — nothing serious,
I hope," said Merriwig, in alarm.

"It's rather serious, but it's rather nice.
Father, dear, would you mind very much if I
got married soon?'

"My dear, you shall get married as soon
as you like. Let me see, there were six or
seven Princes who came about it only the
other day. I sent them off on adventures of
some kind, but — dear me, yes, they ought to
have been back by now. I suppose you
haven't heard anything of them?'

"No, Father," said Hyacinth, with a little
smile.

"Ah, well, no doubt they were unsuccess-

318

STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT

ful. No matter, dear, we can easily find you
plenty more suitors. Indeed, the subject has
been very near my thoughts lately. We'll
arrange a little competition, and let them know
in the neighbouring countries; there'll be no
lack of candidates. Let me see, there's that
seven-headed bull; he's getting a little old
now, but he was good enough for the last one,
We might "

"I don't want a suitor,'' said Hyacinth
softly. "I have one. "

Merriwig leant forward with eagerness.

"My dear, this is indeed news. Tell me
all about it. Upon what quest did you send
him?"

Hyacinth had felt this coming. Had she
lived in modern times she would have expected
the question, "Wliat is his income?' A man
must prove his worth in some way.

"I haven't sent him away at all yet,"
she said; "he's only just come. He's been
very kind to me, and I'm sure you'll love him."

319

CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD

'Well, well, we'll arrange something for

him. Perhaps that bull I was speaking of

By the way, who is he? '

"He comes from Araby, and his name

is "

"Udo, of course. Why didn't I think
of him? An excellent arrangement, my
dear."

'It isn't Udo, I'm afraid, Father. It's
Coronel."

'And who might Coronel be?' said the
King, rather sternly.

'He's — he's — well, he's Here he is,

Father." She ran up to him impulsively
as he came in at the door. 'Oh, Coronel,
you're just in time; do tell Father who you

are.'

Coronel bowed profoundly to the King.
'Before I explain myself, your Majesty/3
he said, 'may I congratulate your Majesty
on your wonderful victory over the Barodians?

From the little I have gathered outside, it is

320

STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT

the most remarkable victory that has ever
occurred. But of course I am longing to hear
the full story from your Majesty's own lips.
Is it a fact that your Majesty made his way
at dead of night to the King of Barodia's own
tent and challenged him to mortal combat and
slew him?' There was an eagerness, very
winning, in his eyes as he asked it; he seemed
to be envying the King such an adventure — an
adventure after his own heart.

Merriwig was in an awkward position. He
wondered for a moment whether to order his
daughter out of the room. 'Leave us, my
child," he would say. 'These are matters for
men to discuss.'1 But Hyacinth wrould know
quite well why she had been sent out, and
would certainly tell Coronel the truth of the
matter afterwards.

It really looked as if Coronel would have
to be let into the secret too. He cleared his
throat noisily by way of preparation.

'There are certain state reasons," he said

321

CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD

with dignity, "why that story has been allowed
to get about."

'Pardon, your Majesty. I have no wish
to "

"But as you know so much, you may as
well know all. It happened like this." Once
more he told the story of his midnight visit,
and of the King's letter to him.

"But, your Majesty," cried Coronel, 'it
is more wonderful than the other. Never was
such genius of invention, such brilliance and
daring of execution."

"So you like it,"' said Merriwig, trying to
look modest.

"I love it."

"I knew he'd love it," put in Hyacinth.
"It's just the sort of story that Coronel
would love. Tell him about how you fought
the King at the beginning of the war, and how
you pretended to be a swineherd, and how — '

Could any father have resisted? In a little
while Hyacinth and Coronel were seated

322

STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT

eagerly at his feet, and lie was telling once
more the great story of his adventures.

"Well, well," said the King at the end of it,
when he had received their tribute of admira-
tion. 'Those are just a few of the little ad-
ventures that happen in war time . ' : He turned
to Coronel. "And so you, I understand, wish
to marry my daughter?'

'Does that surprise your Majesty?'

'Well, no, it doesn't. And she, I under-
stand, wishes to marry you."

:Yes, please, Father.'1

'That," said Coronel simply, "is much
more surprising."

Merriwig, however, was not so sure of that.
He liked the look of Coronel, he liked his
manner, and he saw at once that he knew a
good story — when he heard one.

'Of course," he said, 'you'll have to win
her."

'Anything your Majesty sets me to do.
It's as well," he added with a disarming smile,

323

CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD

'that you cannot ask for the whiskers of the
King of Barodia. There is only one man who
could have got those.'1

Truly an excellent young man.

" Well, we'll arrange something," said Merri-
wig, looking pleased. 'Perhaps your Prince
Udo would care to be a competitor too.':

Hyacinth and Coronel interchanged a smile.

"Alas, Father," she said, "his Royal High-
ness is not attracted by my poor charms.'1

"Wait till he has seen them, my dear,"
said Merriwig with a chuckle.

'He has seen them, Father/1

"What? You invited him here? Tell
me about this, Hyacinth. He came to stay
with you and he never

'His Royal Highness," put in Coronel,
;'has given his affections to another.''

'Aha! So that's the secret. Now I wonder
if I can guess who she is. Wliat do you say
to the Princess Elvira of Tregong? I know his
father had hopes in that direction."

324

STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT

Hyacinth looked round at Coronel as if
appealing for his support. He took a step
towards her.

"No, it's not the Princess Elvira," said
Hyacinth, a little nervously.

The King laughed good-humouredly.

"Ah, well, you must tell me," he said.

Hyacinth put out her hand, and Coronel
pressed it encouragingly.

"His Royal Highness Prince Udo," she
said, "is marrying the Countess Bel vane."

325

CHAPTER XXI

A SERPENT COMING AFTER UDO

BELVANE had now had twenty-four
hours in which to think it over.

Whatever her faults, she had a
sense of humour. She could not help smil-
ing to herself as she thought of that scene
in the garden. However much she regretted
her too hasty engagement, she was sure Udo
regretted it still more. If she gave him the
least opportunity he would draw back from it.

Then why not give him the opportunity?

327

A SERPENT COMING

'My dear Prince Udo, I'm afraid I mistook
the nature of my feelings" — said, of course,
with downcast head and a maidenly blush.
Exit Udo with haste, enter King Merriwig.
It would be so easy.

Ah, but then Hyacinth would have won.
Hyacinth had forced the engagement upon
her; even if it only lasted for twenty -four
hours, so long as it was a forced engagement,
Hyacinth would have had the better of her
for that time. But if she welcomed the en-
gagement, if she managed in some way to turn
it to account, to make it appear as if she had
wanted it all the time, then Hyacinth's victory
would be no victory at all, but a defeat.

Marry Udo, then, as if willingly? Yes,
but that was too high a price to pay. She
was by this time thoroughly weary of him
and besides, she had every intention of
marrying the King of Euralia. To pretend
to marry him until she brought the King in
open conflict with him, and then having led

328

AFTER UDO

the King to her feet to dismiss the rival who
had served her turn — that was her only wise
course.

She did not come to this conclusion without
much thought. She composed an Ode to
Despair, an Elegy to an Unhappy Woman,
and a Triolet to Interfering Dukes, before
her mind was made up. She also considered
very seriously what she would look like in a
little cottage in the middle of the forest,
dressed in a melancholy grey and holding
communion only with the birds and trees;
a life of retirement away from the vain world ;
a life into which no man came. It had its
attractions, but she decided that grey did not
suit her.

She went down to her garden and sent for
Prince Udo. At about the moment when the
King was having the terrible news broken to
him, Udo was protesting over the sundial that
he loved Belvane and Belvane only, and that
he was looking forward eagerly to the day

329

66
66

A SERPENT COMING

when she would make him the happiest of men.
So afraid was he of what might happen to him
on the way back to Araby.

The Countess Belvane!' cried Merriwig.
Prince Udo marry the Countess Belvane!
I never heard of such a thing in my life.': He
glared at them one after the other as if it were
their fault — as indeed it was. 'Why didn't
you tell me this before, Hyacinth?'

'It has only just been announced, Father."

"Who announced it?'

They looked across at each other.

"Well— er— Udo did," said Coronel.

"I never heard of anything so ridiculous in
my life ! I won't have it ! '

'But, Father, don't you think she'd make
a very good Queen ? '

' She'd make a wonderful — that has nothing
to do with it. What I feel so strongly about
it is this. For month after month I am fight-
ing in a strange country. After extraordinary
scenes of violence and — peril — I come back

330

AFTER UDO

to my own home to enjoy the — er — fruits of
victory. No sooner do I get inside my door
than I have all this thrust upon me."

"All what, Father?' said Hyacinth in-
nocently.

'All this" said the King, with a circular
movement of the hand. 'It's too bad; upon
my word it is. I won't have it. Now mind,
Hyacinth, I won't have it.

"But, Father, how can I help it?'
Merriwig paid no attention to her.
'I come home," he went on indignantly,
"fresh from the — er — spoils of victory to what
I thought was my own peaceful — er — home.
And what do I find? Somebody here wants
to marry somebody there, and somebody else
over there wants to marry somebody else
over here; it's impossible to mention any per-
son's name, in even the most casual way,
without being told they are going to get
married, or some nonsense of that sort. I'm
very much upset about it."

331

A SERPENT COMING

"Oh, Father!' said Hyacinth penitently.
"Won't you see the Countess yourself and
talk to her?"

"To think that for weeks I have been look-
ing forward to my return home and that now
I should be met with this ! It has quite spoilt
my day."

"Father!" cried Hyacinth, coming towards
him with outstretched hands.

"Let me send for her ladyship," began
Coronel; "perhaps she '

"No, no," said Merriwig, waving them
away. "I am very much displeased with
you both. What I have to do, I can do quite
well by myself.'1

He strode out and slammed the door
behind him.

Hyacinth and Coronel looked at each other
blankly.

"My dear," said Coronel, "y°u never told
me he was as fond of her as that.'1

"But I had no idea! Coronel, what can

332

AFTER UDO

we do about it? Oh, I want him to marry
her now. He's quite right — she'll make a
wonderful Queen. Oh, my dear, I feel I want
everybody to be as happy as we're going
to be."

"They can't be that, but we'll do our best
for them. I can manage Udo all right. I
only have to say 'rabbits' to him, and he'll
do anything for me. Hyacinth, I don't be-
lieve I've ever kissed you in this room yet,
have I? Let's begin now."

Merriwig came upon the other pair of
lovers in Bel vane's garden. They were shar-
ing a seat there, and Udo was assuring the
Countess that he was her own little Udo-
Wudo, and that they must never be away
from each other again. The King put his
hand in front of his eyes for a moment as if
he could hardly bear it.

"Why, it's his Majesty," said Belvane,
jumping up. She gave him a deep curtsey
and threw in a bewitching smile on the top

333

A SERPENT COMING

of it; formality or friendliness, he could take
his choice. "Prince Udo of Araby, your Ma-
jesty.'1 She looked shyly at him and added,
"Perhaps you have heard."

"I have,'" said the King gloomily. "How
do you do," he added in a melancholy voice.

Udo declared that he was in excellent health
at present, and would have gone into partic-
ulars about it had not the King interrupted.

"Well, Countess," he said, "this is strange
news to come back to. Shall I disturb you
if I sit down with you for a little?'

"Oh, your Majesty, you would honour us.
Udo, dear, have you seen the heronry lately?'

"Yes," said Udo.

"It looks so sweet just about this time of
the afternoon.'1

"It does, "said Udo.

Belvane gave a little shrug and turned to
the King.

"I'm so longing to hear all your adven-
tures," she murmured confidingly. 'I got

334

AFTER UDO

all your messages; it was so good of you to
remember me.':

'Ah," said Merriwig reproachfully, "and
what do I find when I come back? I

find " He broke off, and indicated in

pantomime with his eyebrows that he could
explain better what he had found if Udo were
absent.

'Udo, dear," said Belvane, turning to him,
;'have you seen the kennels lately?'
;Yes," said Udo.

They look rather sweet just about this
time," said Merriwig.
"Don't they? "said Udo.
'But I am so longing to hear," said Bel-
vane, 'how your Majesty defeated the King
of Barodia. Was it your Majesty's wonder-
ful spell which overcame the enemy?'
:You remember that?'
'Remember it? Oh, your Majesty! 'Bo

boll Udo, dear, wouldn't you like to see

the armoury?'

335

A SERPENT COMING

"No," said Udo.

'There are a lot of new things in it that I
brought back from Barodia," said Merriwig
hopefully.

'A lot of new things," explained Belvane.

"I'll see them later on," said Udo. 'I
dare say they'd look better in the evening.'1

"Then you shall show me, your Majesty,"
said Belvane. 'Udo, dear, you can wait for
me here.':

The two of them moved off down the path
together (Udo taken by surprise) , and as soon
as they were out of sight, tiptoed across the
lawn to another garden seat, Belvane leading
the way with her finger to her lips, and Merri-
wig following with an exaggerated caution
which even Henry Smallnose would have
thought overdone.

"He is a little slow, isn't he, that young
man?' said the King, as they sat down to-
gether. "I mean he didn't seem to under-
stand— "

336

AFTER UDO

"He's such a devoted lover, your Majesty.
He can't bear to be out of my sight for a
moment.'3

"Oh, Belvane, this is a sad homecoming.
For month after month I have been fighting
and toiling, and planning and plotting and
then- Oh, Belvane, we were all so happy

together before the war."

Belvane remembered that once she and the
Princess and Wiggs had been so happy to-
gether, and that Udo's arrival had threatened
to upset it all. One way and another, Udo
had been a disturbing element in Euralia.
But it would not do to let him go just yet.

'Aren't we still happy together?" she asked
innocently. There's her Royal Highness
with her young Duke, and I have my dear
Udo, and your Majesty has the — the Lord
Chancellor — and all your Majesty's faithful
subjects.'1

His Majesty gave a deep sigh.

'I am a very lonely man, Belvane. When

337

Belvane leading the way
with her finger to her lips

Merriwig following with
an exaggerated caution

A SERPENT COMING

Hyacinth leaves me I shall have nobody left."

Belvane decided to risk it.
'Your Majesty should marry again," she
said gently.

He looked unutterable things at her. He
opened his mouth with the intention of doing

his best to utter some of them, when

'Not before Udo," said Belvane softly.

Merriwig got up indignantly and scowled
at the Prince as the latter hurried over the
lawn towards them.

"Well, really/3 said Merriwig, "I never

knew such a place. One simply can't

Ah, your Royal Highness, have you seen our
armoury? I should say," he corrected him-
self as he caught Bel vane's reproachful
look, "have we seen our armoury? We have.
Her ladyship was much interested."

"I have no doubt, your Majesty." He
turned to Belvane. :You will be interested
in our armoury at home, dear."

She gave a quick glance at the King to see

338

AFTER UDO

that he was looking, and then patted Udo's
hand tenderly.

"Home," she said lovingly, 'how sweet
it sounds ! '

The King shivered as if in pain, and strode
quickly from them.

• •*•••*

"Your Majesty sent for me," said Coronel.

The King stopped his pacings and looked
round as Coronel came into the library.

"Ah, yes, yes," he said quickly. "Now sit
down there and make yourself comfortable. I
want to talk to you about this marriage."

"Which one, your Majesty?'
'Which one? Wrhy, of course, yours —

that is to say, Bel vane's — or — rather

He came to a stop in front of Coronel and
looked at him earnestly. 'Well, in a way,
both."

Coronel nodded.

: You want to marry my daughter," Mem-
wig went on. 'Now it is customary, as you

339

A SERPENT COMING

know, that to the person to whom I give my
daughter, I give also half my kingdom.
Naturally before I make this sacrifice I wish
to be sure that the man to whom — well, of
course, you understand.'1

"That he is worthy of the Princess
Hyacinth," said Coronel. "Of course he
couldn't be," he added with a smile.

"And worthy of half the kingdom,"
amended Merriwig. "That he should prove
himself this is also, I think, customary."

" Anything that your Majesty suggests "

"I am sure of it."

He drew up a chair next to Coronel's, and
sitting down in it, placed his hand upon his
knees and explained the nature of the trial
which was awaiting the successful suitor.

"In the ordinary way," he began, 'I
should arrange something for you with a
dragon or what-not in it. The knowledge
that some such ordeal lies before him often
enables a suitor to discover, before it is too

340

AFTER UDO

late, that what he thought was true love is not
really the genuine emotion. In your case
I feel that an ordeal of this sort is not
necessary.'1

Coronel inclined his head gracefully.

"I do not doubt your valour, and from
you therefore I ask proof of your cunning.
In these days cunning is perhaps the quality
of all others demanded of a ruler. We had
an excellent example of that," he went on
carelessly, "in the war with Barodia that is
just over, where the whole conflict was settled
by a little idea which-

"A very wonderful idea, your Majesty.'1

"Well, well," said Merriwig, looking very
pleased. "It just happened to come off,
that's all. But that is what I mean w^hen
I say that cunning may be of even more im-
portance than valour. In order to win the
hand of my daughter and half my kingdom,
it will be necessary for you to show a cunning
almost more than human."

341

A SERPENT COMING

He paused, and Coronel did his best in the
interval to summon up a look of super-
human guile into his very frank and pleasant
countenance.

"You will prove yourself worthy of what
you ask me for," said Merriwig solemnly,
'by persuading Prince Udo to return to
Araby — alone. >:

Coronel gasped. The thing was so easy
that it seemed almost a shame to accept it as
the condition of his marriage. To persuade
Udo to do what he was only longing to do,
did not call for superhuman qualities of any
kind. For a moment he had an impulse to
tell the King so, but he suppressed it. "After
all," he thought, "if the King wants cunning,
and if I make a great business of doing some-
thing absurdly easy, then he is getting it."

Merriwig, simple man, mistook his emo-
tions.

'I see," he said, 'that you are appalled
by the difficulty of the ordeal in front of you.

342

AFTER UDO

You may well be so. You have known his
Royal Highness longer than I have, but even
in our short acquaintance I have discovered
that he takes a hint with extraordinary slow-
ness. To bring it home to him with the right
mixture of tact and insistence that Araby needs
his immediate presence — alone — may wrell tax
the most serpentine of minds. ':

'I can but try it," said the serpentine one
simply.

The King jumped up and shook him
warmly by the hand.

You think you can do it?' he said
excitedly.

'If Prince Udo does not start back to
Araby to-morrow

'Alone," said Merriwig.

'Alone — then I shall have failed in my
task."

'My dear," said the King to his daughter
as she kissed him good-night that evening,

343

A SERPENT COMING AFTER UDO

I believe you are going to marry a very wise

young man.

'Of course I am, Father.'1

I only hope you'll be as happy with him
as I shall be with — as I was with your mother.
Though how he's going to bring it off," he
added to himself, "is more than I can think."

344

CHAPTER XXII

THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES GO BACK AGAIN

KING MERRIWIG of Eastern Euralia
sat at breakfast on his castle walls.
He lifted the gold cover from the
gold dish in front of him, selected a trout, and
conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. When

you have an aunt But I need not say

that again.

King Coronel of Western Euralia sat at

345

THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES

breakfast on his castle walls. He lifted the
gold cover from the gold dish in front of him,
selected a trout, and conveyed it carefully to
his gold plate. When your wife's father has
an aunt

Prince Udo of Araby sat at breakfast

But one must draw the line somewhere. I
refuse to follow Udo through any more meals.
Indeed, I think there has been quite enough
eating and drinking in this book already.
Quite enough of everything in fact; but the
time has nearly come to say good-bye.

Let us speed the Prince of Araby first.
His departure from Euralia was sudden; five
minutes' conversation with Coronel convinced
him that there had been a mistake about
Belvane's feelings for him, and that he could
leave for Araby in perfect safety.

:You must come and see us again," said
Merriwig heartily, as he shook him by the
hand.

:Yes, do," said Hyacinth.

346

GO BACK AGAIN

There are two ways of saying this sort of
thing, and theirs was the second way. So
was Udo's, when he answered that he would be
delighted.

It was just a week later that the famous
double wedding was celebrated in Euralia.
As an occasion for speech-making by King
Merriwig and largesse-throwing by Queen
Belvane it demanded (and got) a whole chap-
ter to itself in Roger's History. I have Roger
on my side at last. The virtues he denied to
the Countess he cannot but allow to the
Queen.

Nor could Hyacinth resist her any longer.
Belvane upon her palfrey, laughter in her
eyes and roses in her cheeks, her lips slightly
parted with eagerness as she flings her silver
to the crowd, adorably conscious of her child-
ishness and yet glorying in it, could have no
enemies on that day.

'She is a dear," said Hyacinth to Coronel.
"She will make a wonderful Queen."

347

THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES

'I know a Queen worth two of her,'3 said
Coronel.

'But you do admire her, don't you?'

"Not particularly."

'Oh, Coronel, you must,'2 said Hyacinth,
but she felt very happy all the same.

They rode off the next day to their kingdom.
The Chancellor had had an exciting week;
for seven successive evenings he had been
extremely mysterious and reserved to his
wife, but now his business was finished and
King Merriwig reigned over Eastern Euralia
and King Coronel over the West.

Let us just take a look at Belvane's
diary before we move on to the last
scene.

"Thursday, September 15th," it says.
"Became good.9'

Now for the last scene.

King Merriwig sat in Belvane's garden.
They had spent the morning revising their
joint book of poetry for publication. The

348

GO BACK AGAIN

first set of verses was entirely Merriwig's
own. It went like this :

Bo, boll, bill, bole.
Wo, woll, will, wole.

A note by the authors called attention to
the fact that it could be begun from either
end. The rest of the poems were mainly by
Belvane, Merriwig's share in them consisting
of a "Capital," or an "I like that," when they
were read out to him; but an epic commonly
attributed to Charlotte Patacake had crept
in somehow.

"A person to see your Majesty," said a
flunkey, appearing suddenly.

"What sort of person?" asked Merriwig.

"A sort of person, your Majesty.'1

"See him here, dear," said Belvane, as
she got up. "I have things to do in the
Palace."

She left him; and by and by the flunkey
returned with the stranger. He was a

349

THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES

pleasant-looking person with a round clean-
shaven face; something in the agricultural
way, to judge from his clothes.
"Well?" said Merriwig.

'I desire to be your Majesty's swineherd,"
said the other.

'What do you know of swineherding?'

'I have a sort of natural aptitude for it,
your Majesty, although I have never actually
been one.':

'My own case exactly. Now then, let

me see — how would you "

The stranger took out a large red hand-
kerchief and wiped his forehead.

:You propose to ask me a few questions,
your Majesty?'

"Well, naturally, I "

'Let me beg of you not to. By all you hold
sacred let me implore you not to confuse me
with questions.'3 He drew himself up and
thumped his chest with his fist. "I have a
feeling for swineherding; it is enough."

350

GO BACK AGAIN

Merriwig began to like the man; it was
just how he felt about the thing himself.

'I once carried on a long technical con-
versation with a swineherd," he said remi-
niscently, 'and we found we had much in
common. It is an inspiring life."

' It was in just that way," said the stranger,
'that I discovered my own natural bent
towards it."

'How very odd! Do you know, there's
something about your face that I seem to
recognise ? '

The stranger decided to be frank.
'I owe this face to you," he said simply.
Merriwig looked startled.
'In short," said the other, 'I am the late
King of Barodia."

Merriwig gripped his hand.

"My dear fellow," he said. "My very

dear fellow, of course you are. Dear me, how

it brings it all back. And — may I say —

what an improvement. Really, I'm delighted

351

nn
no
DD
nn

He was a pleasant-looking person,
with a round clean-shaven face

THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES

to see you. You must tell me all about it.
But first some refreshment."

At the word "refreshment' the late King
of Barodia broke down altogether, and it was
only Merri wig's hummings and hawings and
thumpings on the back and (later on) the
refreshment itself which kept him from burst-
ing into tears.

"My dear friend," he said, as he wiped
his mouth for the last time, "you have
saved me."

"But what does it all mean?' asked
Merriwig, in bewilderment.
'Listen, and I will tell you,"

He told him of the great resolution to
which he had come on that famous morning
when he awoke to find himself whiskerless.
Barodia had no more use for him now as
a King, and he on his side was eager to carve
out for himself a new life as a swineherd.
'I had a natural gift," he said plaintively,

an instinctive feeling for it. I know I

352

GO BACK AGAIN

had. Whatever they said about it afterwards
— and they said many hard things — I was
certain that I had that feeling. I had proved
it, you know; there couldn't be any mistake."

"Well?"

"Ah, but they laughed at me. They asked
me confusing questions; niggling little ques-
tions about the things swine ate and — and
things like that. The great general principles
of swineherding, the — what I may call the art
of herding swine, the whole theory of shep-
herding pigs in a broad-minded way, all this
they ignored. They laughed at me and
turned me out with jeers and blows — to
starve/'

Merriwig patted him sympathetically, and
pressed some more food on him.

"I ranged over the whole of Barodia.
Nobody would take me in. It is a terrible
thing, my dear Merriwig, to begin to lose
faith in yourself. I had to tell myself at last
that perhaps there was something about

353

THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES

Barodian swine which made them different
from those of any other country. As a last
hope I came to Euralia; if here too I was
spurned, then I should know that "

"Just a moment," said Merriwig, breaking
in eagerly. "Who was this swineherd that
you talked to :

"I talked to so many," said the other sadly.
"They all scoffed at me."

"No, but the first one; the one that showed
you that you had a bent towards it. Didn't
you say that

"Oh, that one. That was at the beginning
of our war. Do you remember telling me
that your swineherd had an invisible cloak?
It was he that '

Merriwig looked at him sadly and shook
his head.

"My poor friend," he said, "it was me.':

They gazed at each other earnestly. Each
of them was going over in his mind the exact
details of that famous meeting.

354

GO BACK AGAIN

Yes," they murmured together, "it

was us.'

The King of Barodia's mind raced on
through all the bitter months that had fol-
lowed ; he shivered as he thought of the things
he had said; the things that had been said to
him seemed of small account now.

' Not even a swineherd ! " he remarked.

'Come, come," said Merriwig, 'look on
the bright side; you can always be a King
again."

The late King of Barodia shook his head.

'It's a come-down to a man with any
pride," he said. "No, I'll stick to my own
job. After all, I've been learning these last
weeks; at any rate I know that what I do
know isn't worth knowing, and that's some-
thing." ,r .:,-'•;; [, ,. .--, -

Then stay with me," said Merriwig
heartily. "My swineherd will teach you
your work, and when he retires you can take
it on."

355

THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES

'Do you mean it?'

'Of course I do. I shall be glad to have
you about the place. In the evening, when
the pigs are asleep, you can come in and have
a chat with us."

"Bless you," said the new apprentice;
'bless you, your Majesty."
They shook hands on it.

'My dear," said Merriwig to Bel vane
that evening, "you haven't married a very
clever fellow. I discovered this afternoon
that I'm not even as clever as I thought I

was.'

:You don't want cleverness in a King,"
said Bel vane, smiling lovingly at him, 'or in
a husband."

"What do you want then?'

"Just dearness," said Bel vane.

And now my story is done. With a sigh
I unload the seventeen volumes of Euralian
History from my desk, carrying them one by

356

GO BACK AGAIN

one across the library and placing them care-
fully in the shelf which has been built for them.
For some months they have stood a rampart
between me and the world, behind which I
have lived in far-off days with Merriwig and
Hyacinth and my Lady Belvane. The ram-
part is gone, and in the bright light of to-day
which streams on to my desk the vision
slowly fades. Once on a time . .

Yet I see one figure clearly still. He is tall
and thin, with a white peaked face of which
the long inquisitive nose is the outstanding
feature. His hair is lank and uncared for;
his russet smock, tied in at the waist, wants
brushing; his untidy cross -gartered hose shows
up the meagreness of his legs. No knightly
figure this, yet I look upon him very tenderly.
For it is Roger Scurvilegs on his way to the
Palace for news.

To Roger too I must say good-bye. I say
it not without remorse, for I feel that I have
been hard upon the man to whom I owe so

357

THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES

much. Perhaps it will not be altogether
good-bye; in his seventeen volumes there are
many other tales to be found. Next time (if
there be a next time) I owe it to Roger to
stand aside and let him tell the story more in
his own way. I think he would like that.

But it shall not be a story about Bel vane.
I saw Belvane (or some one like her) at a
country house in Shropshire last summer, and
I know that Roger can never do her justice.

Roger
Scurvilegs

358

CENTRAL CIRCULATION

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