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Full text of "Original plays : third series"

YPUBLC BRARY THE BRANCH LIBRARIES 



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ORIGINAL PLAYS 



3 
***. 



Post 8v0, doth limp, 2s. 6d. per volume. 

THE MAYFAIR LIBRARY. 

A JOURNEY ROUND MY ROOM. By XAVIER DK MAISTRB. Trans 

lated by HENRY ATTWELL. 

LATTER-DAY LYRICS. Edited by W. DAVENPORT ADAMS. 
QUIPS AND QUIDDITIES. Selected by W. DAVENPORT ADAMS. 
THE AGONY COLUMN OF "THE TIMES," from 1800 to 1870. 

Edited, with an Introduction, by ALICE CLAY. 
MELANCHOLY ANATOMIZED : A Popular Abridgment of " Burton's 

Anatomy of Melancholy." 

GASTRONOMY AS A FINE ART. By BRILLAT-SAVARIN. 
THE SPEECHES OF CHARLES DICKENS. 
LITERARY FRIVOLITIES, FANCIES, FOLLIES, AND FROLICS. 

By W. T. DOBSON. 
POETICAL INGENUITIES AND ECCENTRICITIES. Selected 

and Edited by W. T. DOBSON. 
THE CUPBOARD PAPERS. By FiN-BEC. 
ORIGINAL PLAYS by W. S. GILBERT. FIRST SERIES. Containing : 

The Wicked World Pygmalion and Galatea Charity The Princess 

The Palace of Truth Trial by Jury. 
ORIGINAL PLAYS by W. S. GILBERT. SECOND SERIES. Containing: 

Broken Hearts Engaged Sweethearts Gretchen Dan'l Druce 

Tom Cobb H.M.S. Pinafore The Sorcerer The Pirates of Penzance. 
SONGS OF IRISH WIT AND HUMOUR. Edited by A. PERCEVAL 

GRAVES. 

ANIMALS AND THEIR MASTERS. By Sir ARTHUR HELPS. 
SOCIAL PRESSURE. By Sir ARTHUR HELPS. 
CURIOSITIES OF CRITICISM. By HENRY J. JENNINGS. 
THE AUTOCRAT OF THE BREAKFAST-TABLE. By OLIVER 

WENDELL HOLMES. Illustrated by J. GORDON THOMSON. 
PENCIL AND PALETTE. By ROBERT KEMPT. 
LITTLE ESSAYS. Selected from the Letters of CHARLES LAMB, by 

PERCY FITZGERALD. 
FORENSIC ANECDOTES; or, Humour and Curiosities of the Law and 

Men of Law, BY JACOB LARWOOD. 
THEATRICAL ANECDOTES. BY JACOB LARWOOD. 
JEUX D'ESPRIT. Edited by HENRY S. LEIGH. 

TRUE HISTORY OF JOSHUA DAVIDSON. By E. LYNN LINTON. 
WITCH STORIES. By E. LYNN LINTON. 
OURSELVES : Essays on Women. By E. LYNN LINTON. 
PASTIMES AND PLAYERS. By ROBERT MACGREGOR. 
THE NEW PAUL AND VIRGINIA. By W. H. MALLOCK. 
THE NEW REPUBLIC. By W. H. MALLOCK. 
THOREAU : His Life and Aims. By H. A. PAGE. 
MUSES OF MAYFAIR. Edited by H. CHOLMONDELEY-PENNELL. 
PUCK ON PEGASUS. By H. CHOLMONDELEY-PENNELL. 
PEGASUS RE-SADDLED. By H. CHOLMONDELEY-PENNELL. Illus- 
trated by Du MAURIER. 
PUNIANA. By the Hon. HUGH ROWLEY. 
MORE PUNIANA. By the Hon. HUGH ROWLEY. 
THE PHILOSOPHY OF HANDWRITING. By DON FELIX DE 

SALAMANCA. 

BY STREAM AND SEA. By WILLIAM SENIOR. 
OLD STORIES RE-TOLD. By WALTER THORNBURY. 
LEAVES FROM A NATURALIST'S NOTE-BOOK. By Dr. ANDREW 

WILSON. 

CHATTO AND WIND US, PICCADILLY, W. 



ORIGINAL PLAYS 



DY 



W. S. GILBERT 



FIRST SERIES , 

CONTAINING 

THE WICKED WORLD, PYGMALION AND GALATEA 

CHARITY, THE PALACE OF TRUTH, 

THE PRINCESS, TRIAL BY JURY 




A NEW EDITION 



Eoufcon : 

CHATTO & WINDUS, PICCADILLY. 

1894. 



O 
j CITY OF NEW YtRK 



\} 



Jl 84987 



NOTE. 



The Story upon ivhich " jfYie Palace of Truth ' ! *s 
founded is probably as old as the " Arabian Nights." 
c< T/ie Princess " 15 ft respectful parody of Mr. Tennyson's 
exquisite poem. It has been generally held, I believe, 
that if a dramatist uses the mere outline of an existing 
story for dramatic purposes, he is at libei'ty to describe 
his play as " original." 

W. S. GILBERT. 






CONTENTS. 



PAGH 

THE WICKED WORLD . .... 1 

PYGMALION AND GALATEA ..... 45 

CHARITY ....... 87 

THE PRINCESS ...... 133 

THE PALACE OP TRUTH . . . .171 

TRIAL BY JURY 223 






THE WICKED WORLD. 

AN ORIGINAL FAIRY COMEDY, 
IN THREE ACTS. 



DKAMATIS PERSONS. 



FAIRIES. 



ETHATS 

PHYLLON 

LUTIN, a Serving Fairy ... 
SELENE, a Fairy Queen 

DARINE 

ZAYDA 

LEILA 

NEODIE 

LOCRINE 



MORTALS. 



SIR ETHAIS 

SIR PHYLLON 

LUTIN, Sir Ethais's Henchman 



MR. KENDAL. 

MR. ARNOTT. 

MR. BUCKSTONE. 

Miss MADGE ROBERTSON. 

MlSS AMY liOSELLE. 

Miss M. LITTON. 
Miss HARRISON. 
Miss HENRI. 
Miss FRANCIS. 



MR. KENDAL. 
MR. ARNOTT. 
MR. BUCKSTONE. 



SCENE : IN FAIRY LAND. 



15 ** The action is comprised within the space of twenty-four hours. 



PROLOGUE. 
Spoken by MR. BUCKSTONE. 

THE Author begs you'll kind attention pay 

While I explain the object of his play. 

You have been taught, no doubt, by those professing 

To understand the thing, that Love's a blessing : 

Well, he intends to teach you the reverse 

That Love is not a blessing, but a curse 1 

But pray do not suppose it's his intent 

To do without this vital element 

His drama would be in a pretty mess ! 

With quite as fair a prospect of success, 

Might a dispensing chemist in his den 

Endeavour to dispense with oxygen. 

Too powerful an agent to pooh-pooh, 

There will be Love enough I warrant you : 

But as the aim of every play's to show 

That Love's essential to all men below, 

He uses it to prove, to all who doubt it, 

How well all men but he can do without it. 

To prove his case (a poor one, I admit), 

He begs that with him you will kindly flit 

To a pure fairy-land that's all his own, 

Where mortal love is utterly unknown. 

Whose beings, spotless as new-fallen snow, 

Know nothing of the Wicked World below. 

These gentle sons and daughters of the air, 

Safe, in their eyrie, from temptation's snare, 

Have yet one little fault I must confess 

An overweening sense of righteousness. 

As perfect silence, undisturbed for years, 

Will breed at length a humming in the ears, 

So from their very purity within 

Arise the promptings of their only sin. 



PROLOGUE. 

Forgive them ! No ? Perhaps you will relent 
When you appreciate their punishment ! 

But prithee be not led too far away, 

By the hack author of a mere stage-play : 

It's easy to affect this cynic tone, 

But, let me ask you, had the world ne'er known 

Such Love as you, and I, and he, must mean 

Pray where would you, or I, or he, have been ? 



THE WICKED WORLD. 



ACT I. 

SCENE Fairy Land. A beautiful, but fanciful landscape, 
which is siqjposed to lie on the upper side of a cloud. The 
cloud is suspended over the earth, a portion of which (repre- 
senting "a bird's eye-vieiv" of a mediaeval city}, is seen, far 
below, through a rent or gap in the cloud. 

As the curtain rises ZAYDA is discovered standing in a thought- 
ful attitude, contemplating the world at her feet. To her 
enters DARINE. 

Dar. My sister, Zayda, thou art deep in thought, 
What quaint conjecture fills thy busy brain? 

Zay. Oh, sister ! it's my old and favourite theme 
That wonderful and very wicked world 
That rolls in silent cycles at our feet ! 

Dar. In truth a fruitful source of wonderment ! 

Zay. Fruitful indeed a harvest without end ! 
The world the wicked world ! the wondrous world ! 
1 love to sit alone and gaze on it, 
And let my fancy wander through its towns, 
Float on its seas and rivers interchange 
Communion with its strange inhabitants : 
People its cities with fantastic shapes, 
Fierce, wild, barbaric forms all head and tail, 
With monstrous horns, and blear and bloodshot eyes, 
As all should have who deal in wickedness ! 

Enter PHYLLON. 

Oh, Phyllon ! picture to thyself a town 
Peopled with men and women ! At each turn, 



THE WICKED WORLD. 

Men wicked men then, farther on, more men, 
Then women then again more men more men 
Men, women, everywhere all ripe for crime, 
All ghastly in the lurid light of sin ! 

Enter SELENE. 

PJiyl. In truth, dear sister, if man's face and form 
Were a true index to his character, 
He were a hideous thing to look upon ; 
But man, alas ! is formed as we are formed. 
False from the first, he comes into the world 
Bearing a smiling lie upon his face, 
That he may cheat ere he can use his tongue. 

Zay. Oh ! I have heard these things, but heed them 

not. 

I like to picture him as he should be, 
Unsightly and unclean. I like to pair 
Misshapen bodies with misshapen minds. 

Sel. Dost thou not know that every soul on earth 
Hath in our ranks his outward counterpart ? 

Dar. His outward counterpart ! 

Sel. 'Tis even so ; 

Yes, on that world that very wicked world 
Thou I and all who dwell in fairy land, 
May find a parallel identity : 
A perfect counterpart in outward form ; 
So perfect that, if it were possible 
To place us by these earthly counterparts, 
No man on earth, no fairy in the clouds, 
Could tell which was the fairy which the man ! 

Zay. Is there 720 shade of difference ? 

Pliyl. Yes, one ; 

For we are absolutely free from sin, 
While all our representatives on earth 
Are stained with every kind of infamy. 

Dar. Are all our counterparts so steeped in sin ? 

Pliyl. All, in a greater or a less degree. 

Zay. What, even mine ? 

Pliyl. Alas ! 

Zay. Oh, no not mine 

Pliyl. All men and women sin. 

Dar. I wonder what 

My counterpart is doing now ? 



THE WICKED WORLD. 

S<. 1. Don't ask. 

No doubt, some fearful sin ! 

Dar. And what arc sins ? 

Sel. Evils of which we hardly know the names. 
There's vanity a quaint, fantastic vice, 
Whereby a mortal takes much credit for 
The beauty of his face and form, and claims 
As much applause for loveliness as though 
He had designed himself ! Then jealousy 
A universal passion one that claims 
An absolute monopoly of love, 
Based on the reasonable principle 
That no one merits other people's love 
So much as every soul on earth by turns ! 
Envy that grieves at other men's success, 
As though success, however placed, were not 
A contribution to one common fund ! 
Ambition, too, the vice of clever men 
Who seek to rise at others' cost ; nor heed 
Whose wings they cripple, so that they may soar. 
Malice the helpless vice of helpless fools, 
Who, as they cannot rise, hold others down, 
That they, by contrast, may appear to soar. 
Hatred and avarice, untruthfulness, 
Murder and rapine, theft, profanity- 
Sins so incredible, so mean, so vast, 
Our nature stands appalled when it attempts 
To grasp their terrible significance. 
Such arc the vices of that wicked world ! 



Enter ETIIAIS, LOCRINE, NEDDIE, LEILA, and 
other fairies. 

Eth. My brother, sisters, Lutin has returned, 
After a long delay, from yonder earth : 
The first of all our race who has set foot 
Upon that wicked world. See ! he is here ! 

Enter LUTIN. 

Sel. Good welcome, Lutin, back to fairy land ! 
So thou hast been to earth ? 

Lut. I have indeed ! 

Sel. What hast thou seen there ? 



8 THE WICKED WORLD. 

Lut. Better not inquire. 
It is a very, very wicked world ! 
I went, obedient to our King's command, 
To meet him in mid-earth. He bade me go 
And send both Ethais and Phyllon there. 

Eth. Down to mid-earth ? 

Lut. Down to mid-earth at once. 

He hath some gift, some priceless privilege 
With which he would endow our fairy world ; 
And he hath chosen Phyllon and thyself 
To bear his bounty to this home of ours. 

Zay. Another boon ? Why, brother Ethais, 
What can our monarch give that we have not ? 

Eth. In truth, I cannot say 'twould seem that we 
Had reached the sum of fairy happiness ! 

Sel. But then we thought the same, before our King 
Endowed us with the gift of melody ; 
And now, how tame our fairy life would seem 
Were melody to perish from our land ! 

Pliyl. Well said, Selene. Come, then, let's away, 

(going) 

And on our journey through the outer world 
We will take note of its inhabitants, 
And bring you fair account of all we see. 
Farewell, dear sisters! [Exeunt PHYLLON and ETHAIS. 

ScL Brothers, fare-you-well. 

(To LUTIS). 

And thou hast really met a living man ? 

Lut. I have indeed and living women too ! 

Zay. And thou hast heard them speak, and seen their 

ways, 
And didst thou understand them when they spake ? 

Lut. I understand that what I understood 
No fairy being ought to understand. 
1 sec that almost everything I saw 
Is utterly improper to be seen. 
Don't ask for details I've returned to you 
With outraged senses and with shattered nerves, 
I burn with blushes of indignant shame. 
Head my experiences in my face, 
My tongue shall wither ere it tell the tale. 
It is a very, very wicked world ! 

fiar. But surely man can summon death at will ; 
Why should he live when he at will can die V 



THE WICKED WORLD. t 

Lut. Why, that's the most inexplicable thing 
I've seen upon that inconsistent globe 
With swords and daggers hanging at their sides, 
With drowning seas and rivers at their feet, 
With deadly poison in their very grasp, 
And every implement of death at hand 
Men live and live and seem to like to live ! 

[Exit LUT IN. 

Dar. How strangely inconsistent ! 

Sel. Not at all. 

With all their misery, with all their sin, 
With all the elements of wretchedness 
That teern on that unholy world of theirs, 
They have one great and ever glorious gift, 
That compensates for all they have to bear 
The gift of Love ! Not as we use the word, 
To signify mere tranquil brotherhood ; 
But in some sense that is unknown to us. 
Their love bears like relation to our own, 
That the fierce beauty of the noonday sun 
Bears to the calm of a soft summer's eve. 
It nerves the wearied mortal with hot life, 
And bathes his soul in hazy happiness. 
The richest man is poor who hath it not, 
And he who hath it laughs at poverty. 
Tt hath no conqueror. When death himself 
Has worked his very worst, this love of theirs 
Lives still upon the loved one's memory. 
It is a strange enchantment, which invests 
The most unlovely things with loveliness. 
The maiden, fascinated by this spell, 
Sees everything as she would have it be : 
Her squalid cot becomes a princely home ; 
Its stunted shrubs are groves of stately elms ; 
The weedy brook that trickles past her door 
Is a broad river fringed with drooping trees ; 
And of all marvels the most marvellous, 
The coarse unholy man who rules her lovo 
Is a bright being pure as we are pure ; 
Wise in his folly blameless in his sin ; 
The incarnation of a perfect soul ; 
A great and ever-glorious demi-god! 

Dar. Why, what have we in all our fairyland 
To bear comparison with such a gift? 



io TlfE WICKED WORLD. 

Zay. OK ! for one hour of such a love as that ; 
O'er all things paramount ! Why, after all, 
That wicked world is the true fairy land ! 

LOG. Why, who can wonder that poor erring man 
Clings to the world, all poisoned though it be, 
When on it grows this glorious antidote ? 

Zay. And may we never love as mortals love ? 

Sel. No ; that can never be. Of earthly things 
This love of theirs ranks as the earthliest. 
'Tis necessary to man's mode of life ; 
He could not bear his load of misery 
But for the sweet enchantment at his heart 
That tells him that he bears no load at all 
We do not need it in our perfect land. 
Moreover, there's this gulf 'twixt it and us : 
Only a mortal can inspire such love ; 
And mortal foot can never touch our land. 

Zay. But is that so ? 

Sel. (surprised). Of course. 

Zay. Yet I have heard 

That we've a half-forgotten law which says, 
That when a fairy quits his fairy home 
To visit earth, those whom he leaves behind 
May summon from the wicked world below 
That absent fairy's mortal counterpart ; 
And that that mortal counterpart may stay 
In fairy land and fill the fairy's place 
Till he return. Is there not some such law ? 

Sel. And if there be, wouldst put that law in force ? 
(horrified). 

Zay. No ; not for all the love of all the world ! 
(equally horrified.) 

Sel. A man in fairy land ! Most horrible ! 
He would exhale the poison of his soul, 
And we should even be as mortals are, 
Hating as man hates ! 

Dar. (enthusiastically). Loving as man loves ! (SEL. 

looks reproachfully.') 
Too horrible ! Still 

Sel Well ! 

Dar. I see a trace 

Of wisdom lurking in this ancient law. 

Sel. Where lurks this wisdom, then ? I see it not. 

Dar. (with emphasis). Man is a shameless being, 
steeped in sins 



THE WICKED WORLD. 

At which our stainless nature stands appalled ; 
Yet, sister, if we took this loathsome soul 
From yonder seething gulf of infamy 
E'en but for one short day and let him see 
The beauty of our pure, unspotted lives, 
He might return to his unhappy world, 
And trumpet forth the strange intelligence : 
" Those men alone are happy who are good." 
Then would the world immediately repent, 
And sin and wickedness be known no more ! 

Loc. Association with so foul a thing 
As man must needs be unendurable 
To souls as pure and sinless as our own : 
Yet, sister dear, it has occurred to me, 
That his foul deeds, perchance, proceed from this 
That we have kept ourselves too much aloof, 
And left him to his blind and wayward will. 

Zay. Man is everything detestable 
Base in his nature, base in thought and deed, 
Loathsome beyond all things that creep and crawl ! 
Still, sister, I must own I've sometimes thought 
That we who shape the fortunes of mankind, 
And grant such wishes as are free from harm, 
Mi.uht possibly fulfil our generous task 
With surer satisfaction to himself 
Had we some notion what these wishes were ! 

Neo. We give him everything but good advice, 
And that which most he needs do we withhold. 

Dar. Oh ! terrible, dear sister, to reflect, 
That to our cold and culpable neglect, 
The folly of the world is chargeable ! 

Sel. To our neglect ! 

Zay. It may in truth be so. 

Lei. In very truth I'm sure that it is so. 

Set. Oh, horrible ! It shall be so no more. 
A li^ht breaks over me ! Their siri is ours! 

o 

But there 'tis easy still to make amends. 
A mortal shall behold our blameless state, 
And learn the beauties of a sinless life ! 
Come, let us summon mortal Ethais. 

Dar. But 

Sel. Not a word I am resolved to this. 

Aeo. But sister 

Sel. Well ? 



14 THE WICKED WORLD. 

Neo. (timidly}. Why summon only one ? 

Sel. Why summon more ? 

Neo. The world's incredulous ; 

Let two be brought into our blameless land, 
Then should their wondrous story be received 
With ridicule or incredulity, 
One could corroborate the other. 

Dar. Yes 

Phyllon has gone with Ethais. Let us call 
The mortal counterpart of Phyllon too 

Sel. Two mortals two unhappy men of sin 
In this untainted spot ! 

Loc. Well, sister dear, 

Two Heralds of the Truth will spread that Truth 
At the least twice as rapidly as one. 

Sel. Two miserable men ! Why, one alone 
^yill bring enough pollution in his wake, 
To taint our happy land from end to end ! 

Zay. Then, sister, two won't make the matter worse ! 

Sel. There's truth in that. (After a pause). The two 

shall come to us. 

We have deserved this fearful punishment ; 
Our power, I think, is limited to two ? 

Lei. Unfortunately. 

Sel. Yes more might be done 

Had each of us a pupil to herself. 
Now then to summon them. But, sisters all, 
Show no repugnance to these wretched men ; 
Remember that, all odious though they be, 
They are our guests ; in common courtesy 
Subdue your natural antipathies ; 
Be very gentle with them, bear with them, 
Be kind, forbearing, tender, pitiful. 
Receive them with that gentle sister love, 
That forms the essence of our fairyhood ; 
Let no side-thought of their unholy lives 
Intrude itself upon your charity ; 
Treat them as though they were what they will be 
When they have seen how we shall be to them. 
What is the form ? 

Dar. Two roses newly plucked 

Should each in turn be cast upon the earth ; 
Then, as each rose is thrown, pronounce the name 
Of him whose mortal self it typifies. 



THE WICKED WORLD. 13 

Here are two roses plucked from yonder tree. 

Sel. (taking them). Well then, fair rose, I name thce 

Ethais I- 
Go, send thy mortal namesake to our cloud ; 

(throws rose to earth} 
Tis done ; conceal yourselves till they appear ! 

[The fairies conceal themselves. Hurried music; to 

which enter SIR ETHAIS and SIR PUYLLON, 

hurriedly, over the edge of clotid, as if impelled by 

some invisible and irresistible power from below. 

SIR ETHAIS and SIR PHYLLON have their swords 

drawn. They are dressed as barbaric knights, 

and, luhile bearing a facial resemblance to their 

fairy counterparts, present as strong a contrast as 

possible in their costume and demeanour. 

Sir Eth. Why, help, help, help ! 

Sir Phy. The devil seize us all ! 

Why, what strange land is this ? How came we here ? 

Sir Eth. How came we here ? Why, who can answer that 
So well as them? 
Sir Phy. As I? 

Sir Eth. Yes, cur ; as thou ! 

This is some devil's game of thy design, 
To scare me from the task I set myself 
When we crossed swords. 

Sir Phy. I use no sorcery. 

A whirlwind bore me to this cursed spot ; 
But whence it camel neither know nor care. 

Sir Eth. There gag thy lying tongue ; it matters not, 
Or here or there we'll fight our quarrel out. 
Come ! call thy devils ; let them wait at hand 
And when I've done with thee I'll do with them. 
(They fight. The fairies watch the combat unobserved with 

great interest.) 
Dar. What are they doing? 

Sel. It's some game of skill. 

It's very pretty. 

Dar. Very. (Knights pause.) Oh, they've stopped. 
Phy. Come, come on guard. (Fight resumed.) 
Zay. Now they begin again. 

Eth. (Sees fairies, who have gradually surrounded thnn.) 
Hold ! we are overlooked. (F.THAIS, who has turned for 
a moment in faying this, is severely wounded by 
PHYLLON.) 



I 4 THE WICKED WORLD. 

Sel. You may proceed. 

We like it much. 

Dar. You do it very well 

Begin again. 

Kill. Black curses on that thrust! 

I am disabled. Ladies, bind my wound ; 
And if it please you still to see us fight, 
We'll fight for those bright eyes and cherry lips 
Till one or both of us shall bite the dust. 

Pliy. Hold ! call a truce till we return to earth 
Here are bright eyes enough for both of us. 

Etli. I don't know that! Well, there till we return. 

(Shaking hands.) 

But once again on earth, we will take up 
Our argument where it was broken off, 
And let thy devils whirl me where they may, 
I'll reach conclusion and corollary. 

Dar. (looking at PHYLLON). Oh, fairyhood 1 
How wonderfully like our Phyllon ! 

Sel. (looking at ETHAIS). Yes. 

And see how strangely like our Ethais. 
Thou hast a gallant carriage, gentle knight. (Sighing.) 

Zay. How very, very like our Ethais. 

Eth. It's little wonder that I'm like myself ; 
Why, I am he. 

Sel. No, not our Ethais. (Sighing.) 

Eth. In truth, I am the Ethais of all 
Who are as gentle and as fair as thou. 

Sel. That's bravely said ; thou hast a silver tongue ; 
Why ! what can gods be like if these be men. 
(During this dialogue, DABINE shows ly her manner that 

she takes great interest in ETHAIS.) 
Say, dost thou come from earth or heaven ? 

Eth. (gallantly putting his arm round them). I think 
I've come from earth to heaven. 

Sel. (to DARINE with delight). Oh ! didst thou hear ? 
He comes from earth to heaven ! No, Ethais, 
We are but fairies this, our native home. 
Our fairy-land rests on a cloud which floats 
Hither and thither, as the breezes will ; 
At times a mighty city's at our feet, 
At times a golden plain, and then the sea, 
Dotted with ships and rocks and sunny isles. 
We see the world ; yet saving that it is 



THE WICKED WORLD. 15 

A very wicked world, we know it not 
We hold no converse with its denizens ; 
But on the lands o'er which our island hangs, 
We shed fair gifts of plenty and of peace 
Health and contentment charity goodwill ; 
Drop tears of love upon the thirsty earth, 
And shower fair waters on the growing grain. 
This is our mission. 

Etli. 'Tis a goodly one ! 

I'd give my sword aye, and my sword-arm, too, 
If thou wouldst anchor for a year or so 
O'er yonder home of mine. But tell me, now, 
Does every cloud that hovers o'er our heads 
Bear in its bosom such a wealth of love ? 

Sel. Alas ! Sir Ethais, we are too few 
To work the good that we could wish to work. 
Thou hast seen black and angry thunder-clouds 
That spit their evil fire at flocks and herds, 
And shake with burly laughter as they watch 
The trembling shepherds count their shrivelled dead? 
These are our enemies, sir knight, and thine. 
They sow the seeds of pestilence and death- 
May heaven preserve thee from their influence ! 

Eth. Amen to that ! 

Phy. But tell us, gentle maid, 

Why have you summoned us ? 

Set. Because we seek 

To teach you truths that now ye wot not of ; 
Because we know that you are very frail, 
Poor, blind, weak, wayward mortals willing reeds, 
Swayed right and left by every tempting wind; 
And we are pure, and very, very brave, 
Having no taste for trivial solaces (taking ETHAIS' hand); 
Scorning such idle joys as we have heard 
Appeal most strongly to such men as you ; 
And we have cherished earnest hope that we, 
By the example of our sacred lives, 
May teach you to abjure such empty joys, 
May send you back to earth, pure, childlike men, 
To teach your mothers, sisters, and your wives, 
And those perchance (sighing) who are to be your wives 1 
That there are fairy maidens in the clouds, 
Whose gentle mode of thought and mode of life 
They would do well to imitate. We would 



1 6 THE WICKED WORLD. 

That every maid on earth were such as we ! (Placing Tier 
arms round his neck.) 

Eth. In truth we would that every maiden were, 
(Aside) Except our mothers, sisters, and our wives ! 

Sel. If you will be our pupils, you must give 
Some token of submission to our will. 
No doubt you have some form of fealty ? 

Eth. When man desires to show profound respect 
To indicate most forcibly his own 
Inferiority, he always puts 
His arm round the respected object's waist, 
And drawing her (or him) towards him, thus, 
Places a very long and tender kiss 
On his (or her) face as the case may be. 

Sel. That form is not in vogue in fairy land ; 
Still, as it holds on earth, no doubt 'twill have 
Far greater weight with you poor sons of earth, 
Than any formula we could impose. 

Phy. Its weight is overpowering. (About to kiss.) 

Sel But stay ! 

We would not wrest this homage from you, sir ; 
Or give it willingly, or not at all. 

Eth. Most willingly, fair maid, we give it you. 

Sel. Good ! Then proceed. 

(ETH. kisses SEL. and PHYL. kisses ZAY.) 

Eth. There ! does it not convey 

A pleasant sense of influence ? 

Sel. It does. 

Some earthly forms seem rational enough. 
Why Ethais, what ails thee ? (ETHAIS staggers.) 

Eth. Why, I'm faint 

From loss of blood. My wound here, take this scarf, 
And bind it round my arm so have a care ! 
There, that will do till I return to earth ; 
Then, Lutin, who's a fairly skilful leech, 
Shall doctor it. 

Sel. (amazed). Didst thou say Lutin ? 

Eth. Yes, 

He is my squire a poor, half-witted churl, 



THE WICKED WORLD. 17 



Enter LUTIN unobserved. 

Who shudders at the rustling of a leaf; 

A strange, odd, faithful, loving, timid knave ; 

More dog than man, and, like a well-thrashed hound. 

He loves his master's voice, and dreads it, too. 

Why, here he is ! (In intense astonishment.) 

Lut. Who is this insolent, 

A mortal here in fairy land ? 

Loc. Yes, two ! 

Lut. Oh, this is outrage ! 

Eth. (crossing to him). Why, thou scurvy knave, 
How cam'st thou here ? Thou didst not come with us ! 
What is the meaning of this masquerade ? 

(Alluding to LUTIN'S dress.) 
Be off at once ; if I could use my arm, 
I'd whip thee for this freak, but as it is, 
I'll hand thee over to that wife of thine ; 
Her hand is heavier than mine. (To Sel.) This churl 
(So rumour saith) is mated to a shrew ; 
A handsome, ranting, jealous, clacking shrew ; 
And he, by means of this torn-fool disguise, 
Has 'scaped his home to play the truant here ; 

Lut. Who are these men ? 

Sel. The mortal counterparts 

Of Etbais and Phyllon. Look at them ! 

(Crosses to LUTIN.) 
Dost thou not love them ? 

Lut. (indignantly). No! 

Sel. How very strange! 

Why we all loved them from the very first. 

Lut. Is this indeed the truth ? 

Dar. It is indeed. 

Obedient to our queen's command, we have 
Subdued our natural antipathies. 

Zay. They are our guests, all odious though they be, 

(Takes PIIYLLON'S hand) 
And we must bid them welcome to our home, 
As if e'en now they were what they will be 
When they have seen what we shall be to them. 

(Kissing his hand.) 

Lut. Be warned in time, and send these mortals hence ; 
Why, don't you see that in each word they speak, 
They breathe of love ? 

c 



1 8 THE WICKED WORLD. 

Scl. (enthusiastically). They do ! 

Lut. Why Love's the germ 

Of every sin that stalks upon the earth : 
The brawler fights for love the drunkard drinks 
To toast the girl who loves him, or to drown 
Remembrance of the girl who loves him not ! 
The miser hoards his gold to purchase love. 
The liar lies to gain, or wealth, or love ; 
And if for wealth, it is to purchase love. 
The very footpad nerves his coward arm 
To stealthy deeds of shame by pondering on 
The tipsy kisses of some tavern wench ! 
Be not deceived this love is but the seed ; 
The branching tree that springs from it is Hate ! 

Dar. (to ETH.) Nay, heed him not. There is a legend 

here 

An idle tale, that man is infamous, 
And he believes it. So, indeed, did we, 
Till we beheld you, gallant gentlemen ! 

Lut. Why, they are raving ! Let me go at once 
And join my brothers at our monarch's court ; 
While they are here this is no place for me. 

Zay. (eagerly to SEL.) Let him depart ; then we can 

summon here 

His mortal counterpart. (Fairies delighted', SELENE ex- 
presses indignant surprise, ZAYDA changes her 
manner.) A poor frail man 
No doubt, who stands in very sorest need 
Of such good counsel as we can afford. 

Sel. Thou speakest wisely. Lutin, get thee gone 
Eth. Be off at once. 

Phy. Begone, thou scurvy knave ! 

Thy wife shall hear of this she'll punish thee. 

Lut. Oh, moral plague ! oh, walking pestilence ! 
Oh, incarnation of uncleanliness ! 
You call me knave ! Why, harkye men of sin. 
You've kings and queens upon that world of yours 
To whom you crawl in apt humility ; 
Well, sir, there's not an emperor on earth 
"Who w 7 ould not kiss the dust I tread upon, 
And I'm the meanest here. Good day to you. 

[Exit LUTIN. 

Eth. (following him angrily, is restrained by SELENE). 
The fellow's crazed heed not his rhapsodies, 



THE WICKED WORLD. 19 

Thou dost not credit him ? 

Sel. And if I do, 

What matters it ? Be all he says thou art, 
And I will worship thee for being so ; 
Thou art my faith whate'er my Ethais does 
Is ever hallowed by his doing it ; 
Thy moral law is mine for thou art mine : 
Rob, and I'll scoff at honour ; kill I'll kill ; 
Be perjured, and I'll swear by perjury ; 
Aye, be thou false to me, and I'll proclaim 
That man forsworn who loves but one alone ! 
My soul is thine whate'er thy faith may be, 
I'll be its herald ; if thou hast no faith, 
I'll be the high priest of thine unbelief ! 
Thy wisdom's mine ; thy folly's thine 

Eth. Hush ! hush ! 

Why this is madness ! 

Sel. Yes, for this is love ! 

(SELENE kneels at ETHAIS' feet.) 



ACT II. 

CENE, same as Act I. 

DARINE, ZAYDA, LEILA, LOCRINE, other Fairies, and 
NEODIE discovered anxiously ivatching the entrance to 
SELENE'S ooiver. 

Dar. Still, still Selene watches Ethais ! 
For six long hours has she detained the knight 
Within the dark recesses of her bower, 
Under pretence that his unhappy wound 
Demands her unremitting watchfulness ! 
(Indignantly.) This, fairies, is our queen ! the sinless 

soul 

To whose immaculate pre-eminence 
We pure and perfect maidens of the air 
Accord our voluntary reverence ! 

Zay. Her conduct is an outrage on her sex ! 
Was it for this that we proposed to her 
That we should bring these mortals to our laud? 
Is this the way to teach this erring man 
The moral beauties of a spotless life ? 



20 THE WICKED WORLD. 

To teach him truths that now he wots not of? 
Surely this knight might well have learnt on earth 
Such moral truths as she is teaching him. 

Enter SELENE from bower, DARINE retires up. 

Lei. At last she comes ! {To SELENE.) We are well 

pleased to find 

That, after such a lengthy vigil, thou 
Canst tear thyself away from Ethais! 

Sel. Yes, dearest sister, he is calmer now. 
{To ZAY.) Oh ! this has been a fearful night for him ; 
Not for one moment have I left his side ! 

Zay. Poor Ethais ! Believe us, sister dear, 
He has our heartfelt pity. 

Sel. All night long 

He tossed and raved in wild delirium ; 
Shouting for arms, and, as it seemed to me, 
Fighting his fight with Phyllon o'er again. 
At length, as morning broke, he fell asleep, 
And slept in peace till half an hour ago. 
I watched him through the long and troubled night, 
Fanning the fever from his throbbing brow, 
Till he awoke. At first he gazed on me 
In silent wonderment ; then, suddenly 
Seizing my hand, he pressed it to his lips, 
And swore that I had saved him from the grave 
Mark that the grave ! I I had saved his life ! 
He told me that he loved me loved me well ; 
That I was fairer than the maids of earth 
That I had holy angel-eyes, that rained 
A gentle pity on his stubborn heart 
(He called it stubborn, for he knew it not) ; 
That I was fairer, in his worldly eyes, 
Than all the maids on earth or in the clouds ! 

(DAKINE, ivho has listened with intense anxiety to this 
speech, goes off silently, but in an agony of gri'f.) 
Zay. (spitefully}. Could any words more eloquently yhow 
The recklessness of his delirium ? 

Scl. (surprised). Nay, he was conscious then. 
Neo. (very kindly). Of course he was ! 

No doubt, Selene, thou hast gained his luve. 
Be happy in it, dearest sister ; but 
In thy proud triumph, love, pray recollect 



THE WICKED WORLD. 21 

He had not seen us ! 

Zay. Thou hast wisely done 

To keep him from our sight. Cage thou thy bird, 
Or he may fly to fairer homes than thine. 

Sel. (amazed). What mean you, sisters? Nay, turn 

not away 
What have I done ? 

Loc. (very spitefully}. Indeed we do not know ; 
But, lest we should affect his love for thee, 
We will at once withdraw. 

[Exit LOCRINE, bowing ironically. 
Lei. (with freezing politeness). Good day to you ! 
Neo. Good day ! 
Zay. Good day. Remember cage thy bird ! 

[Exit. 

Sel. How strangely are my sisters changed to me ! 
Have I done wrong ? No, no, I'm sure of that. 
The knight was sorely stricken he had died 
But for my willing care. Oh ! earthly love, 
Thou mighty minister of good or ill, 
Is it for good or ill that thou art here ? 
Art thou an element of happiness, 
Or an unwieldy talisman that I, 
In heedlessness, have turned against myself ? 
" He had not seen them" so my sister spake ; 
Yes, truly, there are fairer forms than mine. 
He shall not see them ! Oh ! I am unjust. 
Hath he not told me that I have his love ? 
There is no treachery in those brave eyes ; 
There is no falsehood in that gallant heart ! 
But still he had not seen them. Oh, for shnine I 
Can love and doubt reign ever side by side ? 
No, Ethais, love is the death of doubt. 
1 love thee, Ethais, and doubt thee not ! 
Still it were better that he saw but me. 

(ETHAIS has entered unperceived from "bower and over- 
heard the last three lines. He is very pale and 
weak, and his arm is in a sling.) 
Eth. Selene, I am weak give me thine hand. 
Sel. My love, thou shouldst not yet have left thy couch ! 
Come thou hast need of rest. 

Eth. No, let me stay, 

The air revives me I am strong again. 
And so, thou trustest me ? 



22 THE WICKED WORLD. 

Sel. In truth I do ! (Sits by his side.} 

Although I cannot tell thee whence proceeds 
This strange, irrational belief in thee 
Thee, whom I hardly know. 

Eth. Is that so strange ? 

I see no marvel ! 

Sel. Nay, my love, reflect, 

I am a woman, and thou art a man ; 
Well, thou art comely so, in truth, am I ; 
We meet and love each other that's to say, 
I am prepared to give up all I have, 
My home, my very fairyhood, for thee ; 
Thou to surrender riches, honour, life, 
To please the fleeting fancies of my will. 
And why ? 

Because I see in thee, or thou in me, 
Astounding virtue, brilliant intellect, 
Great self-denial, venerable years, 
Kare scholarship, or godly talent ? No ! 
Because, forsooth, we're comely specimens 
Not of our own, but Nature's industry ! 

Eth. The face is the true index of the mind, 
A ready formula, whereby to read 
The lesson of a lifetime in a glance. 

Sel. (in wonder). Then, Ethais, is perfect comeliness 
Always identified with moral worth ? 

Eth. The comeliest man is the most virtuous 
That's an unfailing rule. 

Sel Then, Ethais, 

There is no holier man on earth than thou ! 
My sisters, Ethais, are sadly changed 
By the strange power that emanates from thee. 
They love thee as I love thee ! 

Eth. (aside). Do they so ! 

I' faith they shall not love their love in vain ! 

Sel. I tell thee this that thou mayst shun them, lest 
By crafty scheme and subtly planned device, 
They steal thee from thy mistress unawares. 

Eth. (laughing). No fear of that ! Laugh all their 

schemes to scorn, 

Treat them with the contempt such jades deserve. 
I do not seek them. 

Sel. Does the miser treat 

The thief who seeks his treasure with contempt, 



THE WICKED WORLD. 23 

Because his treasure does not seek the thief? 

No, Ethais, I'll hide my gold away ! 

Take thou this ring it is a pledge of love. (Giving him a 

ring.) 
Wear it until thy love fades from thy soul. 

Eth. 'Twill never fade while thou art true to me. 
SeL (amazed). Are women ever false to such as thou ? 
Eth. Are women ever true ? Well, not to me. 
(Aside.) Nor I to them ; and so we square accounts ! 
SeL Then thou hast been deceived ? 
Eth. A dozen times, 

SeL How terrible ! 

Eth. Yes, terrible indeed ! 

Ah, my Selene, picture to thyself 
A man linked for his life to one he loves. 
She is his world she is the breath he breathes ; 
In his fond eyes the type of purity. 
Well, she is false all women are and then 
Come tidings of his shame, the damning words, 
" I love another, I have cheated thee." 
At first it cannot be, it is a dream ; 
And when by slow procession, step by step, 
He sees in it the waking from a dream, 
His heavy heart stands still he dies a death, 
A momentary death to wake again 
Into a furious life of hot revenge ; 
His hand against all men ; his maddened tongue 
Calling down curses on his cheated self; 
On him who stole her love, on all but her 
Who has called down this crowning curse on him ! 
To find her love a lie, her kiss a jest, 
Her cherished byewords a cold mockery* 
Oh, there are words 
For other agonies, but none for this ! 
SeL And thou hast suffered this ? 
Eth. (bitterly). I have indeed ! 

SeL And how long does this bitter anguish last? 
Eth. Well, in a very serious case, all night ! 
Next day a fairer face, a nobler form, 
A purer heart, a gentler maidenhood, 
Will set him dreaming as he dreamt before 
Until the time for waking comes again ; 
And so the round of love runs through our lives ! 
SeL But these are earthly maidens, Ethais 



24 THE WICKED WORLD. 

My love is purer than a mortal's love. 

Etli. Thine is no mortal love if it be pure. 

Sel. (horrified}. Then, mortal Ethais, what love is thine ? 

Eth. (taken aback). I spake of women men are other- 
wise. 

Sd. Man's love is pure, invariably ? 

Eth. Pure ? 

Pure as thine own ! 

Sel. Poor, trusting, cheated souls ! 

[Exeunt together into Tjoiver. 

Enter DARINE, who has overheard the last few lines. 

Dar. She leads him willingly into her bower ! 
Oh ! I could curse the eyes that meet his eyes, 
The hand that touches his hand, and the lips 
That press his lips ! And why ? I cannot tell ! 
Some unknown fury rages in my soul, 
A mean and miserable hate of all, 

[Enter PHYLLON unobserved. 
Who interpose between my love and me ! 
What devil doth possess me ? 

Phy. Jealousy ! 

Dar. Perhaps what matters how the fiend is called ? 

Phy. But wherefore art thou jealous ? Tell me, now, 
Have I done ought to cause this jealousy ? 

Dar. Thou ! Dost thou love me ? 

Phy. Love thee? Tenderly! 

I love all pretty girls, on principle. 

Dar. But is thy love an all-possessing love ? 
Mad, reckless, unrestrained, infuriate, 
Holding thy heart within its iron grasp, 
And pressing passion from its very core ? 

Phy. (surprised). Oh, yes ! 

Dar. Alas ! poor stricken, love-sick knight ! 

Phyllon, my love is such a love as thine, 
But it is not for thee ! Oh, nerve thyself, 
I have ill tidings for thee, gentle knight ! 
I love thee not ! 

Phy. Indeed ? 

Dar. Is it not strange ? 

Phy. Most unaccountable. 

Dar. (disappointed). But tell me, now, 

Art thou not sorely vexed ? 



THE WICKED WORLD. 25 

Phy. (quietly). Unspeakably. 

Dar. But thon'lt forgive me ? Tell me, Phyllon, now, 
That I am pardoned ! 

Phi/. That, indeed, thou art. 

Dar. (hurt). Phyllon, hast thou despised my proffered 

love, 
I'd not have pardoned thee I 

Phy. No, women don't. 

Dar. (impatiently). But dost thou understand ? I love 

thee not. 

I, whom thou lovest, Phyllon, love thee not- 
Nay, more, I love another Ethais ! 
Thou hast a rival, and a favoured one. 
Dost thou not hear me? 

Phy. (surprised). Yes ; I'm deeply pained. 

Dar. (delighted). Thou art? 

Phy. Of course. What would st thou have me do ? 

Dar. Do ? Hurl thyself headlong to yonder earth, 
And end at once a life of agony ! 

Phy. Why should I! 

Dar. Wliy f Because I love thee not ! 

Why if / loved and found my love despised, 
The universe should ring with my laments ; 
And were I mortal, Phyllon, as thou art, 
I would destroy myself! 

Phy. Ha! ha! If all 

Heartbroken lovers took that course, the world 
Would be depopulated in a week ! 
And so thou lovest Ethais ? 

Dar. (enthusiastically). I do ! 

Phy. But still (I may be wrong) it seems to me 
He's taken with Selene- 
Da?', (furiously). Name her not ! 
He feigns a love he does not feel, because 
She is our queen. He dares not anger her! 

Phy. But art thou sure of this ? 

Dar. (bitterly). Oh! am I sure! 

Look in these eyes they do not burn for thee ; 
Behold this form that thou shalt never clasp 
Gaze on these lips thou shalt not press them, sir! 
And tell me, now, that Ethais loves me not ! 
Oh ! had I but the power to heal his wound, 
And free him from her hated company ! 
Phy. Were Lutin here, he would assist thy plan. 



26 THE WICKED WORLD. 

Dar. Lutin ? 

Phy. His henchman, and a cunning leech ; 

He has a charm a potent talisman 
A panacea that will heal all wounds ; 
Fetch him, and Ethais is healed again. 

Dar. (aside). The gods have heard me! {Aloud, sud- 
denly.) Oh ; insensate knight, 
Thou counsellest me how to gain his love ; 
And yet thou lovcst me ? 

Phy. Oh, pardon me, 

That was ten minutes since an age ago! [Exit. 

Dar. Here comes the miserable, mincing jade, 
With a fair speech upon her lying lips, 
To meet the sister whom her base-born arts 
Have robbed of more than life ! Oh, hypocrite ! 

Enter SELENE from lower. 

Stl. Darine! 

Dar. (changing her manner). My sister my beloved one, 
Why, thou art sad ; thine eyes are dim with tears ! 
Say, what hath brought thee grief? 

Sel. (with great joy). Darine, my own. 

Thou dost not shun me, then ? 

Dar. (aside). Oh, hypocrite ! 

{Aloud.) Shun thee, my own Selene? No not I! 

Sel. Bless thee for that ! I feared to meet thy face, 
For all my loved companions turned from me 
With scornful jest and bitter mockery. 
Thou thou Darine, alone art true to me ! 

Dar. True to Selene while Selene breathes ! 
Come tell me all thy woes. 

Sel. My Ethais 

He whom I love so fondly he is ill, 
And I am powerless to heal his wound. 
Darine, my love may die ! 

Dar. What can be done ? 

Oh, I would give my fairy hood to save 
The man thou lovest so my dearly loved ! 
But stay, the counterpart of Lutin is 
At once his henchman and his cunning leech ; 
Lutin has left our sphere, (plucking rose from tree) cast 

this to earth, (giving it) 
And summon mortal Lutin to his aid 



THE WICKED WORLD. 27 

He hath a charm to heal thy lover's wound. 

Sel. Kind Heaven reward thee for thy ready wit, 
My sister, thou hast saved both him and me ! 
My darling sister ! (Embracing her.) 

Dar. aside. Oh, thou hypocrite ! 

Sel. Fair rose, I name thee Lutin, go to earth, 
And hither send the mortal counterpart 
Of him whose name thou hast, and may the gods 
Prosper thy mission ! Kiss me, dear Darine, (kissing her} 
For thou hast saved my Ethais for me ! \Exit SELENE. 

Dar. No, not for thee, good sister, for myself! 

[Exit DARINE. 

(Hurried music. Enter MORTAL LUTIN over edge of 
precipice, staggering on the stage as if violently 
impelled from below.) 

Lut. What ho ! help! help! Where am I ? Not on eartli 
For I remember that a friendly cloud 
Enveloped me, and whirled me through the air, 
Just as my fair, but able-bodied, wife, 
Began to lay my staff about my ears ! 

Enter NEODIE, LEILA, LOCRINE, and others. 

Can this be death, and has she killed me? (Sees them.) 

Well, 

If I be dead, and if this be the place 
In which I'm doomed to expiate my sins, 
Taking my sins all round, I'm bound to say 
It might have been considerably worse ! 

Loc. (approaching him with great delight). Why, thir 
is Lutin's mortal counterpart ! 

Neo. How quaint ! How gloriously rugged ? 

Lei. Yes! 

Such character and such expression ! 

All (admiring him). Yes ! 

Lnt. By some mistake my soul has missed its way, 
And slipped into Mahomet's Paradise ! 

Neo. No, this is fairyland. See, there's the earth 
From which we summoned thee. These are the clouds. 
Thou art not angry with us ? 

Liit. Angry ? No ! 

I'm very well up here ! 

Loc. Then thou shalt stay ! 

Neo. Oh, tell me, are there many men on earth 



28 THE WICKED WORLD. 

As fair and pleasant to the eye as thou ? 

Lut. Not many, though I have met one or two 
Who run me pretty close. 

Neo. Tell us their names. 

Lut. Well, let me see, Sir Phyllou has been thought 
A personable man ; then Ethais 
lie's fairly well. 

Neo. But these are handsome men 

We love thee for thy rugged homely face ; 
Oh, we are sated with mere comeliness, 
We have so much of that up here ! (risi s) I love 
A homely face ! 

Lut. I quite agree with you. 

What do a dozen handsome men imply ? 
A dozen faces cast in the same mould, 
A dozen mouths all lip for lip the same, 
A dozen noses all of equal length ? 
But take twelve plain men, and the element 
Of picturesque variety steps in, 
You get at once unlooked-for hill and dale 
Odd curves and unexpected points of light, 
Pleasant surprises quaintly broken lines ; 
All very pleasant, whether seen upon 
The face of nature or the face of man. 

Enter ZAYDA. 

Loc. But stay thou should st be faint, for lack of 
food! 

Neo. Nay, let me minister unto his wants ! 

Zay. Then go, beloved sisters, gather fruits, 
And bring them here to him. Such frugal fare 
Will have a daintier flavour than its own 
When served by such fair hands ! {Kissing them) 

[Exeunt LOCRINE, NEODIE, art<l others. 

Zay. (suddenly}. We are alone ! 

One word of caution shun my sisters all ! 

Lut. Are all those lovely girls your sisters ? 

Zay. Yes ; 

Piejoice that they are not thine own. 

Lut. I do. 

I very much prefer them as they are ! 
You're a fine family. 

Zay. Fair to the eye j 



THE WICKED WORLD. 29 

But take good heed they are not what they seein ? 
Locrine, the fair, the beautiful Locrinc, 
Is the embodiment of avarice ! 
She seeks your gold. 

Lut. I'm much obliged to her ; 

I'll give her half she finds and thank her too ! 

Zay. Darine is vain beyond comparison ; 
Neodie is much older than she looks ; 
Camilla hath defective intellect ; 
Ena's a bitter shrew ; Colombo's a thief ; 
And, last and worst of all I blush to own, 
Our queen Selene hath a tongue that stabs 
A traitor-tongue, that serves no better end 
Than wag a woman's character away ! 

Lut. I've stumbled into pretty company ! 
It seems you fairies have your faults ! 

Zay. Alas ! 

All but myself. My soul is in my face ; 
I only I am what I seem to be ; 
I only I am worthy to be loved. 
(Confidentially.} If thou wilt love me I will dower thce 
With wealth untold, long years and happy life, 
Thou gallant churl thou highly polished boor 
Thou pleasant knave thou strange epitome 
Of all that's rugged, quaint and picturesque ! 

Lut. You don't take long in coming to the point. 

Zay. Forgive my clumsy and ill-chosen woids ; 
We gentle, simple fairies never loved 
Until to-day. 

Lut. And when you do begin, 

You fairies make up for the time you've lost ! 
(The Fairies enter with fruit. He sits up. They group 
about him.} 

Nco. Hast thou a wife ? 

Lut. Well, yes that is down thcrc- 

Up here I am a bachelor as yet. 

Zay. (offended}. As yet ! Be good enough to recollect 
That we are good, and pure, and maidenly- 
So prithee guard that errant tongue of thine. 

Loc. And docs she love thee ? 

Lut. Humph we do fall out 

We did to-day. 

And ho\v came that about ? (All 
to know.} 



rr 



30 THE WICKED WORLD 

Lut. Why thus to tell the truth between ourselves 
There was a lady in the case. 

Zay. (apart, much shocked}. Hush hush 
Confine thyself to matters that relate 
To thine own sex. Thy master, Ethais 
He fought with Phyllon what was that about ? 

(Grossing to LUTIX.) 

Lut. Oh, it's the old, old story ! 

Loc. Tell it. 

Lut. Well, 

There was a lady in the case ! 

Zay. Then, stop 

Go on to something else Where wast thou born ? 

Lut. Why, in Bulgaria some years ago 
(whispering') There was a lady in that case ! 

Zay. (severely). It seems 

There is a lady, sir, in every case. 

Lut. In all those cases they do interfere ! 

Enter DAKINE unobserved. 

Loc. And, Lutin, is thy wife as fair as thou ? 

Lut. I thought her pretty till I looked on thee. 

Zay. Her hair ? 

Lut. Is bright but not as bright as thine. 

Loc. Her figure ? 

Lut. Neat and graceful of its kind, 

But lacks thy pleasant plumpness. Then, besides, 
She has a long loud tongue, and uses it 
A stout and heavy hand and uses that ; 
And large expressive eyes and uses them ! 

Zay. And does she know that thou art here with us ? 

Lut. No that's the joke ! No that's the best of it ! 
The gods forbid she ever should know that I 
She is so plaguey jealous ! 

Loc. Is she so? 

How is the lady called ? 

Lut. Her name's Darine. 

Dar. (coming forward). So I have found thee, Lutin. 

Lut. (aghast). Can it be 

My wife ! 

Zay. Thy wife ? This is Darine ! 

Lut. I know ! 

(They detain him). Be quiet don't oblige me let me 
go! 



THE WICKED WORLD. 31 

Do not suppose, my love, that these bold girls 
Are friends of mine. 

Dar. Come, I would speak with thcc 

Lut. Allow me to explain. 

Dar. Attend to me. 

Say, dout thou love thy master, Ethais ? 

Lut. My master? Yes, most surely ! 

Dar. (earnestly). So do 1 ! 

Madly, unreasonably, recklessly. (Luiix much taken alack.) 
Love him with all the passion of a heart 
That love has never kindled till to-day ! 
Thou, only thou, canst help me, noble sir. 
The gods, the gods have sent thee to my aid ! 

Lut. Have they ? In doing so the gods have not 
Displayed their usual talent for intrigue. 
0, thou abandoned woman ! 

Dar. Hear me, sir ! 

My Ethais is wounded in the arm. 
Thou hast a remedy of wondrous power, 
A charmed remedy. Give it to me, 
That I may work his cure. 

Lut. Upon my soul, 

Cure him for thee I This is a cool request ! 

Dar. But why not heal thy master's wound ? 

Lut. Because, 

Under the circumstances, I prefer 
My master wounded to my master well, 
For when he's well, he's very well indeed ! 
{Aside) But stay here is an essence that will drown 
His soul in sleep till I awaken him (taking lottlc from- 

pocket). 

Shall I '? I will ! He'll be much safer so ! 
(Aloiid.) There, take the charm, and heal thy Ethais ! 

Dar. A thousand thanks ! Now he indeed is mine ! 

Lut. Oh ! this is' inconceivable ! Come here (Fairies 

advance), 

D' ye see these maidens, madam? Hitherto 
Thou hast been jealous, but without good cause ; 
But now I'll give thee cause for jealousy ; 
I'll pass my time with them d'ye hear ? with them - 
They're very pleasant, unaffected girls ; 
I like them very much, and they like me 
I'll play the very devil with their hearts, 
And let them play the very deuce with mine ! 



32 THE WICKED WORLD. 

Dar. Do so ; I'll not detain thee from thy loves 
See how impatiently they wait for thee ; 
Go while the happy hours away with them. 
Lut. Is this thy jealousy, abandoned girl ? 
Dar. (surprised). Jealous of thee? Good sir, I love 

thee not ! 
Lut. You don't ! 

Dar. No, no I love Sir Ethais ; 

And when I've healed his wound, sheer gratitude 
Will wake his soul to love ! 

Lut. If he drinks that 

Sheer gratitude won't wake him. After all (looking at 
Fairies, who are endeavouring to persuade him tc 
accompany them) 

Six pretty Zaydas to one Ethais 
He fast asleep, and they all wide awake, 
Egad, I've six to one the best of that ! 

[Exeunt LUTJN and Fairies. 
Dar. He comes ! At last I shall behold my love ! 

Enter ETHAIS from lower. 

(Tenderly) How fares Sir Ethais? 

Eth. Why grievously. 

I am no leech, and cannot dress my wound, 
I'm sick and faint from pain and loss of blood. 

Dar. (aside). How shall I work my end? I have a 

plan ! 

Oh, powers of impudence, defend me now ! 
(Aloud) Sir Ethais, if Phyllon's words be true, 
Thy wound is but a scratch. 

Eth. A scratch, forsooth ! 

The devil's nails could hardly scratch so deep. 

Dar. He says I don't believe him but he says 
That thou hast magnified its character, 
Because thou fearest to renew the fight. 
He says thou art a coward ! 

Eth. (furiously). By my blood, 

He shall atone for that ! Did he say this 
To thee? 

Dar. Ay, sir, to me a minute since. 

Eth. Oh, Phyllon ! Coward ? Why, a dozen times 
We two have fought our battles side by side ; 
And I'm to quail and blanch, forsooth, because 



THE WICKED WORLD. 33 

We two, at last, are fighting face to face ? 
Oh, curses on the wound ! Were Lutin here, 
My sword-arm soon would be in gear again. 

Dar. Lutin is here. 

Eth. (amazed). Here? Lutin? 

Dar. Yes. Behold ! (Shows flask.} 

I have obtained this precious charm from him. 
Now, knight, to prove thy mettle ! 

Eth. (furiously}. Give it me 

Give me the flask ! 

Dar. One moment, Ethais. 

This flask is precious, and it hath a price. 

Eth. Name thou thy price, and I will give it thcc. 
Take money, jewels, armour, all I have, 
So that thou leavest me one trusty sword ! 

Dar. No, Ethais, I do not want thy wealth, 
I want thy love yes, Ethais, thy love ; 
That priceless love that thou hast lavished on 
My worthless sister. 

Eth. On Selone ? 

Dar. Yes, 

Thou lovest her and dost thou think that I 
Will save thy life for her ? 

Eth. Selene? Bah! 

True, she is fair. Well, thou art also fair. 
What does it matter her fair face or thine ? 
What matters either face or hers or thine 
When weighed against this outrage on my fame ? 

Dar. Give me this ring, and thou shalt have the charm. 

Eth. 'Tis thine. And now, Sir Phyllon, take good heed ! 

Enter SELENE from lower. 

Sel. Darine ! Thou here, alone with Ethais ! 
No, no. I will not doubt 

Dar. Doubt whom thou wilt! 

Thou hypocrite ! thou shameless hypocrite ! 
Thou wretched victim of thine own designs! 

Sel. Darine, what dost thou mean ? 

Enter Fairies. 

Dar. Doubt all of us, 

For we are false to thec as thou to us. 
I am as thou hast made me, hypocrite ! 

D 



34 THE WICKED WORLD. 

Set. Thou art to me as thou hast ever been, 
Most dearly loved of all these dearly loved. 

Dar. Away ! Thou art the source of all our ill ; 
For though we counselled thee to do the deed 
That brought this blight upon our innocence, 
Twas but a test, and thou hast bent to it ! 

Zay. Oh, miserable woman, get thee hence ! 
Thou art no queen of ours ! 

Loc. Away with her ! 

Down with the traitress queen ! (SELENE turns from one 
to another all turn away from her.) 

Set. So let it be. 

Yes, thou hast rightly said I had a trust. 
I have forsaken it. Through my default, 
The taint of .earth has fallen on our land. 
Mine was the sin be mine the punishment. 
Well-loved Darine, take thou this diadem : 
Wear it more worthily than I. (Places her coronet on 

DARINE.) Behold 
How royally it rests upon her brow ! 
My gentle sisterhood, behold your queen ! {Fairies bow.) 
Let her fair face and form, untainted yet 
By the iniquity of my default, 
Recall the loved Darine of yesterday 
The gentle, loving, maidenly Darine 
Who would have been that loved Darine to-day, 
But for my erring deed. Oh, shame on me ! 
Thou art as I have made thee. Who am I 
That I should judge my sister ? I am loved ; 
But had I lost that love, should I have borne 
My loss more patiently than thou ? Alas ! 
Thou, I, and all, are now as mortals are. 

Dar. So may I fall if I forsake my trust. 
Thy punishment is just. Thou wast a queen* 
What art thou now ? 

Sel. I have a kingdom yet ! 

I have a kingdom here in Ethais' heart. 
A kingdom ? Nay, a world my world my world ! 
A world where all is pure, and good, and brave ; 
A world of noble thought and noble deed ; 
A world of brave and gentle chivalry ; 
A very goodly and right gallant world ; 
This is my kingdom for I am its queen ! 

Dar. Thou art no queen of his, for he is mine. 



THE WICKED WORLD. 35 

Aye, by the token that thou gavest him (shows ring), 
Thou fond and foolish maiden ! 

Sel. (looking at it). No, no, no ! 

It is a counterfeit no, no, Darine ! 
The punishments of Heaven are merciful. 

(Takes E THAIS' hand to kiss it; she sees that the 
ring is not there.') 

Oh, Ethais ! 
Is that the ring with which I plighted thee ? 

Eth. Aye, that's the bauble. I have naught to say. 

Sel. (to DAR.). It fell from him where didst thou find 
it, speak ? 

Eth. I sold it for a charm that I might have 
An arm to flog a lying cur withal ; 
A traitor devil, whose false breath had blurred 
My knightly honour, dearer to my heart 
Than any love of woman hers or thine ! 
I had no choice my honour was at stake. 

Sel. Thine honour ! Thou dost well to speak of that. 
Can devils take the face and form of gods ? 
Are truth and treachery so near akin 
That one can wear the other's countenance ? 
Are all men such as thou ? Or art thou not 
Of thine accursed race the most accursed ? 
Why, honourable sir, thou art a knight 
That wars with womankind ! Thy panoply 
A goodly form, smooth tongue, and fair false face. 
Thy shield a lie ; thy weapon an embrace ; 
The emblem of thy skill a broken heart ! 
Thine is a gallant calling, Ethais 
Thou manly knight thou soul of chivalry 
Thou most discreet and prudent warrior ! 
(He approaches her.) Away, and touch me not ! My 

nature's gone. 

May Heaven rain down her fury on thy soul ! 
May every fibre in that perjured heart 
Quiver with love for one who loves thee not ! 
May thine untrammelled soul at last be caught, 
And fixed and chained and riveted to one 
Who, with the love of heaven upon her lips, 
Carries the hate of hell within her heart ! 
Thou phantom of the truth thou mimic god 
Thou traitor to thine own unhappy soul 
Thou base apostate to the lovely faith, 



36 THE WICKED WORLD. 

That thou hast preached with such false eloquence, 

I am thine enemy ! (To her sisters.} Look on your work, 

My gentle sisters. (They look in horror.} Are ye not 

content ? 
Behold ! I am a devil, like yourselves ! 



ACT III. 

SCENE, same as Acts I. and II. 

LUTIN discovered sitting, in deep dejection. ZAYDA is at 
his feet trying to arouse him. ETHAIS is lying in- 
sensible at entrance to bower, covered with a mantle. 

Zay. Come, Lutin, speak to me for hours in vain 
I've sought to wean thee from thine inner self; 
I've sung in vain to thee thou wilt not sing 

Lut. I cannot sing. 

Zay. Or dance? 

Lut. I do not dance. 

Zay. Then let us float on yonder silver stream (they 

rise}, 

Or plunge headlong into its mossy depths, 
And wander, hand in hand, from grot to grot ; 
Or, if thou wilt, I'll whirl thee through the air, 
And light with thee on yon tall pinnacle. 
Come, Lutin take my hand, and we'll away! 

Lut. Don't be ridiculous ! I do not fly ! 
You're very good you mean it well, I know 
But I've no taste for such alarming joys. 
I can't help thinking of my lost Darine, 
She was so much too good for me, and now 
/ am so much too good for her ! 

Zay. Alas ! 

Dost thou love her ? 

Lut. I can't help loving her. 

Zay. Dismiss the worthless creature from thy thoughts. 
I know her well she don't deserve thy love ! 
She always was a very wicked girl. 

Lut. Wicked ? The best of women ! 

Zay. (maliciously}. So she seemed. 

Lut. She had her faults, I know. 



THE WICKED WORLD. 37 

Zay. She hath a soul 

In which hypocrisy, intemperance, 
Hate, envy, vanity, untruthfulness 
Run riot at their will ! 

Lut. (astonished). You don't say so ? 
I'd no idea of this (weeping) 

Zay. As for her crimes 

Lut. Tell me the worst at once ! 

Zay. The worst ? No, that 

Would he too cruel hut bigamy's the best ! 

Lut. What ! Bigamy ! Has she two husbands, then ? 

Zay. Two ? Half a dozen ! 

Lut. What ! 

Zay. Why even now 

She seeks to add a seventh to her list ! 
Sir Ethais 

Lut. Ah, there I've thwarted her. 

Enter DARINE, who goes to ETIIAIS. She overhears what 

follows. 

I have a potion that will heal his wounds ; 
She begged it of me, but I cheated her, 
And put into her hands a sleeping draught. 
By this time he's as helpless as the dead, 
And she may shout until she wakes the dead, 
Before she wakes him ! 



comes forward. Exit ZAYDA, in terror.} 

Dar. (down). Why, thou envious churl 
Thou wanton trifler with the purest fire 
That ever burnt in love-sick woman's breast, 
Why hast thou done this thing ? 

Lut. She does not quail 

Beneath her injured Lutin's outraged eye, (she yoes up to 

ETHAIS) 
But calmly asks him why he's done this thing ! 

Dar. Say, is he dead ? Come answer quickly ! 

Lut. Well; 

He's dead to all intents and purposes. 

Dar. How has he injured thee ? 

Lut. He hasn't as yet ; 

And I'll take care he don't 1 

Dar. Oh, misery I 

In half an hour my brothers will be here ; 



38 THE WICKED WORLD. 

In half an hour he must return to earth ! 

(Referring to ETHAIS.) 
Awake, insensate knight arouse thee, dolt ! 
I I, Darine, am waiting here for thee. 
Dost thou not hear me ? Ethais, awake ! 
Lid. Oh shout away ! 

Dar. Oh ! I will be revenged ! 

(To LUTIN.) I know not why thou wagest bitter war 
Against my unoffending happiness ; 
But I will thwart thy schemes. Sir Phyllon comes! 

[Enter PHYLLOX. 

Come hither, Phyllon corne to me, fair knight ! 
Say, dost thou love me still ? 

Phy. Indeed I do ! 

Dar. (to LUTIN). Thou nearest him he loves me ! 

(ToPHYLL.) Tenderly? 
Phy. Most tenderly ! (Embracing her.) 
Dar. He loves most tenderly ! 

He is awake ! 

Lut. Yes, much too wide awake ! 

Disreputable woman, let him be ! 
Unhand this lady ! 

Dar. Why, thou selfish knave, 

May I love nobody on earth but thee ? 
Lut. Of course you may not ! 

Dar. Go, sir, get thee gone ? 

There are fair maids enough awaiting thee ; 
I do not interfere 'twixt thee and them. 

Lut. Well no, to do you justice, you do not ! 
I do not want them. I'm a married man ! 
What married man cares twopence for intrigues 
At which his wife connives ? 

Phy. Is this thy wife ? 

Lut I blush to say she is ! 
Dar. (amazed). I am thy wife ! 

Oh, monstrous ! Stay, there has been some mistake, 
Some dreadful error ! See I've found a clue ! 
No doubt I am her fairy prototype, 
In face resembling her, but that is all. 
Lut. Then thou art not my wife ? 
Dar. ^ot I> indeed ! 

(LUTIN kisses her.) 

I am a fairy. Be thou reassured ; 

Thy wife is on the earth (kisses her again) Give me the 
charm 



THE WICKED WORLD. 39 

To cure my Ethais, and sit thee down (Jie gives it to her), 
And I will send for Zayda and Locrine, 
And thou shall talk of love to both of them. 

Lut. Well no upon the whole I'd rather not. 

(DARIXE administers the potion to ETHAIS, who gradu- 
ally revives.) 

I have reformed, Darine, and had I not, 
I don't think I could talk to them of love 
With all the eloquence the theme deserves, 
In the distracting company of one, 
Who, if she's not in point of fact my wife, 
Is so uncomfortably like my wife, 
That she may be my wife for aught I know; 
And more than that, I can't stand tamely by 
And notice with uninterested gaze 
A lady, who's so very like my wife, 
Hanging on everybody's neck but mine. 
Don't send for Zayda I'm a married man ! [Exit. 

Dar. He wakes ! He lives my own, own Ethais ! 

Etli. (awaking). Why where am I ? Have I then 
been asleep ? 

Dar. Indeed thou hast ! See, thou must soon return 
To yonder earth I've much to say to thee. 

Etli. But how came I to sleep ? I recollect ! 
Thou gavest me a potion, and I (sees PHYLLON) Ha ! 

(Flies at his throat.) 
So I'm a cur, Sir Liar, and my wound 
Is but a scratch which I have magnified 
That I might shun the terrors of thy sword ! 

Pliy. Hands off, thou drunken madman ! Set me free. 
/ never said these things ! 

Eth. Thou craven cur, 

Dost thou then fear to reap before my face 
The crop that thou hast sown behind my back ? 
Thy life shall pay for this ! 

Phy. (contemptuously). I am not wont 
To weigh the words I speak to such as thou. 
No need to taint thine honour with a lie. 
Why, Ethais, the truth is black enough ; 
I know thee as a brawling tavern bully, 
A hollow friend a cruel unsparing foe 
A reckless perjurer a reprobate 
The curse of woman and the scourge of man ! 

(Shaking him off.) 



40 THE WICKED WORLD. 

Is not the truth enough, that I should grudge 
The one brute-virtue of thy satyr-soul 
The instinct courage of a hungry dog ! 

Eth. (ivith suppressed fury}. I'll place these charges to 

the long account 

That I've to settle when we go below ! 
(To DAB.) Didst thou not tell me he had said these things? 

Dar. I did, indeed ! 

Phy. And by what warrant, pray ? 

Dar. It was an artifice to gain thy love. (To ETHAIS.) 
Has man monopoly of lover's lies ? 
Forgive me, Phyllon 

Phy. Bah ! Eelease my hand, 

Thou shameless woman I have done with thee. 

[Exit PIIYL. 

Dar. Oh ! Ethais, be not enraged with me- 
Think of my love 

Eth. The devil take thy love 

I'll none of it ! Begone ! See, hither comes 
The woman that thy bitter lie hath wronged. 
Hast thou the heart to stand before her ? 

Dar. No! [Exit. 

Enter SELENE from lower. 

Set. Thou here ? and with Darine ! 

Eth. Stay, hear me out ! 

It's true I've trifled with thy love, but then 
Thy love is not as mortal woman's love. 
I did not know that it would move thee thus ? 

Sd. Thou didst not know ! 
Art thou so dull that thou canst understand 
No pain that is not wreaked upon thy frame ? 
Hast thou no knowledge of the form of woe 
That comes of cheated hopes and trampled hearts? 
To find thy love a lie, thy kiss a jest, 
The bye words of thy love a mockery ? 
Oh, there are words 
For other agonies, but none for this ! 

Eth. Nay, hear me ! I have wronged thee bitterly 
I will atone for all 1 

Sd. Thou shalt atone ; 

I'll be the curse of thy remaining years ! 
Ilarkye, Sir Knight, I'll yield my fairy hood 



THE WICKED WORLD. 41 

That I may go to yonder earth, and join 

The whispering sisterhood of hidden hate. 

The busy band who bear within their lips 

The deadliest weapon of earth's armoury : 

A blighting tongue a woman's blighting tongue ! 

I will so deftly wield this talisman 

To twist and turn and torture good to ill, 

That were it in thee to amend thy ways, 

Turn anchorite, and yield to holy deeds 

Of peace and prayer, goodwill and charity, 

Thy holiness should seem an infamy, 

Thy peace a war, thy charity a theft, 

Thy calm a fury, and thy prayer a curse ! 

Eth. Stay thine unholy tongue go thou to earth, 
And learn that that which thou hast undergone 
All women undergo. 

SeL Am I as they ? 

I am immortal. Can a few brief years 
Of bitter shame and bitter sorrow weigh 
Against an immortality of woe ? 
A mortal's love is framed to last a life, 
But my love to outlive eternity ! 
Blind mortal, as Eternity to Time- 
So is my wrong to theirs ! 

Enter LOCRINE. 

Loc. Selene, see, 

Through the far distant air, with rapid flight, 
0:ir absent brothers wing their way to us; 

[Enter ZAYDA and LUTIN. 
These mortals must return to their own earth ! 

Lut. Now, by my head, but this is welcome news ! 

Zay. (horrified}. Ileturn to earth ? No, Lutin ; no, not 

yet, 

Life without Lutin ! what can that be worth ? 
Lut. I cannot tell you, for I never tried. 

[Enter DARINE and PHYLLON struggling. 
Nay, seek not to detain me ; I have had 
Enough of fairy love I seek my wife. 

Phy. Come, Ethais ; to earth, to earth again ! 

Dar. (releasing him). Aye, go, and take thy fellow man 

with thee. (LUTIN and PHYLLON descend.) 
We want but this to crown our misery I 

(ETHAIS, about to follow him, is detained ly SELENE.) 



42 THE WICKED WORLD. 

Sel. (suddenly"). No ! no ! Thou shalt not go, thou shalt 

not go ! 

My hope my shattered hope ; but still my hope ! 
My love my blighted love ; but still my love ! 
My life my ruined life ; but still my life ! 
Forgive me, Ethais : thou hast withdrawn 
The very core and substance of thy love. 
No matter ! give me but the empty husk, 
And it will stay the famine of my heart. 
I'll work and toil for thee I'll be thy slave, 
Thine humble, silent, and submissive slave ; 
I'll come but at thy beck I will not speak 
But at thy word my Ethais ! my love ! 
(Furiously} Nay, but I'll hold thee back! I have the 

strength 
Of fifty women! See, thou canst not go! (with passionate 

triumph.} 

Nay, but I'll ivrest thy love away from thee, 
And fetter it in bondage to my heart. 
I will be one with thee ; I'll cling to thee, 
And thou shalt take me to that world of thine. 

Eth. Take thee to earth ? I love the earth too well 
To curse it with another termagant. 
We have enough of them ! Kelease me, fool ! 
Man hath no appetite for proffered love ! 
Away from me, I go to that good world 
Where women are not devils till they die ! 

[Throws off SELENE, who falls senseless. He leaps 
through cloud, and descends. As ETHAIS dis- 
appears, the fairies, who have grouped themselves 
about the stage in attitudes of despair, gradually 
seem to wake as from a dream.'} 
Sel. Where am I ? Zayda ! Neodie ! Darine ! 
Oh, sisters, I am waking from a dream 
A fearful dream a dream of evil thoughts, 
Of mortal passion and of mortal hate, 
I thought that Ethais and Phyllon too 
Had gone to mid-earth 

Zay. ^ T ay, it was no dream, 

A sad and sorrowful reality ! 

Yes, we have suffered much but, Heaven be praised, 
These mortal souls have gone to their own earth, 
And taken with them the bad influence 
That spread like an infection through our ranks. 



THE WICKED WORLD. 43 

See ! we are as we were ! (Embracing Jier.) 

SeL Darine ! Darine ! 

My well-beloved sister speak to me ! 

Dar. I dare not speak to thee I have no words 
I am ashamed. 

SeL Oh, sister, let that shame 

Sit heavily on all for all have sinned. 
Oh, let us lay this lesson to our hearts ; 
Let us achieve our work with humbled souls, 
Free from the folly of self-righteousness. 
Behold, is there so wide a gulf between 
The humbled wretch who, being tempted, falls, 
And that good man who rears an honoured head 
Because temptation hath not come to him ? 
Shall we, from our enforced security, 
Deal mercilessly with poor mortal man, 
Who struggles, single-handed, to defend 
The demon-leaguered fortress of his soul ? 
Shall we not rather (seeing how we fell) 
Give double honour to the champion, who 
Throughout his mortal peril, holds his own, 
E'en though 

His walls be somewhat battered in the fight ? 
Oh let us lay this lesson to our hearts ! 

Enter LUTIN, followed ly ETHAIS and PHYLLON, as 

fairies. 

Lut. Your brothers have returned. 

SeL (embracing ETHAIS). My Ethais! 

Eth. Selene sisters all rejoice with us, 
We bear the promise of a priceless gift, 
A source of new and endless happiness ! ( All eager to know.} 
Take every radiant blessing that adorns 
Our happy land, and all will pale before 
The lustre of this precious privilege. 
It is that we may love as mortals love ! 

SeL (eagerly). No, no not that no Ethais not that ! 
It is a deadly snare beware of it ! 
Such love is for mankind, and not for us ; 
It is the very essence of the earth, 
A mortal emblem, bringing in its train 
The direst passions of its antitype. 
No, Ethais we will not have this love ; 
Let us glide through our immortality 



44 THE WICKED WORLD. 

Upon the placid lake of sister-love, 
Nor tempt the angry billows of a sea, 
Which, though it carry us to unknown lands, 
Is so beset with rocks and hidden shoals, 
That we may perish ere our vessel reach 
The unsafe haven of its distant shore. 
Ko, Ethais we will not have this love ! 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA, 



AN ORIGINAL MYTHOLOGICAL COMEDY, 



IN THREE ACTS. 



DRAMATIS PERSONS. 



PYGMALION, an Athenian Sculptor 

LEUCIPPE, a Soldier 

CHRYSOS, an Art Patron 

AGESIMOS, Chrysos's Slave 
MIMOS, Pygmalion's Slave 
GALATEA, an Animated Statue ... 
CYNISCA, Pygmalion's Wife 

DAPHNE, Chrysos's Wife 

MYRINE, Pygmalion's Sister 



MR. KENDAL. 
MR. HOWE. 
MR. BUCKSTONE. 
MR. BRAID. 
MR. WEATHERSBY. 
Miss M. ROBERTSON. 
Miss CAROLINE HILL. 
MRS. CHIPPENDALE. 
Miss MERTON. 



SCENE: PYGMALION'S STUDIO. 



The action is comprised within the space of twenty-four hours. 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 



ACT I. 

SCENE : Pygmalion's Studio. 

Several classical statues are placed about the room; at the back 
a temple or cabinet containing^ a statue of GALATEA, before 
which curtains are drawn concealing the statue from the 
audience. 

MIMOS, a slave, is discovered at work on a, half-finished statue. 
To him enters AGESIMOS. 

Ages, (haughtily"). Good day. Is this Pygmalion's studio ? 

Mim. (bowing). It is. 

Ages. Are you Pygmalion ? 

Mim. Oh, no ; 

I am his slave. 

Ages. And has Pygmalion slaves? 

A sculptor with a slave to wait on him : 
A slave to fetch and carry come and go 
And p'raps a whip to thrash him if he don't ! 
What's the world coining to! 

Mim. What is your will r 1 

Ages. This : Chrysos will receive Pygmalion 
At half-past three to-day ; so bid him come. 

Mim. And are you Chrysos, sir ? 

Ages, (disconcerted). Well, no, I'm not. 

That is, not altogether : I'm, in fact, 
His slave. 

Mim. (relieved). His slave ! 

Ages, (very proudly). My name's Agesimos ! 

Mim. And has Agesimos a master then, 
To bid him fetch and carry come and go- 
And wield a whip to thrash him if he don't? 



48 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

What's the world coming to ! 

Ages. Poor purblind fool ! 

I'd sooner tie the sandals of my lord 
Than own five hundred thousand such as you. 
Whip ! why Agesimos would rather far 
Be whipped by Chrysos seven times a day, 
Than whip you hence to the Acropolis ; 
What say you now ? 

Mim. Why, that upon one point 

Agesimos and I are quite agreed. 
And who is Chrysos ? 

Ages. Hear the slave, ye gods ! 

He knows not Chrysos ! 

Mim. Verily, not I. 

Ages. He is the chiefest man in Athens, sir ; 
The father of the arts a nobleman 
Of princely liberality and taste, 
On whom five hundred starved Pygmalions 
May batten if they will. 

Enter PYGMALION. 

Pyg. Who is this man ? 

Ages. I'm Chrysos's slave my name's Agesimos. 
Chrysos has heard of you : he understands 
That you have talent, and he condescends 
To bid you call on him. But take good care 
How you offend him : he can make or mar. 

Pyg. Your master's slave reflects his insolence ! 
Tell him from me that, though I'm poor enough, 
I am an artist and a gentleman. 
He should not reckon Art among his slaves : 
She rules the world so let him wait on her. 

Ages. This is a sculptor ! 

Pyg. {furiously}. And an angry one ! 

Begone, and take my message to your lord. 

[Exit AGESIMOS. 
Insolent hound ! 

Enter CYNISCA. 

Cyn. Pygmalion, what's amiss? 

Pyg. Chrysos has sent his slave to render me 
The customary tribute paid by wealth 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 49 

To mere intelligence. 

Cyn. Pygmalion ! 

Brooding upon the chartered insolence 
Of a mere slave ! Dismiss the thought at once. 
Come, take thy chisel ; thou hast work to do 
Ere thy wife-model takes her leave to-day ; 
In half an hour I must be on the road 
To Athens. Half an hour remains to thee 
Come make the most of it I'll pose myself ; 
Say will that do ? 

Pyg. I cannot work to-day. 

My hand's uncertain I must rest awhile. 

Cyn. Then rest and gaze upon thy masterpiece, 
'Twill reconcile thee to thyself Behold ! 

(Draws curtain and discovers statue of GALATEA.) 

Pyg. Yes for in gazing on my handiwork, 
I gaze on heaven's handiwork thyself! 

Cyn. And yet, although it be thy masterpiece, 
It has the fault thy patrons find with all 
Thy many statues. 

Pyg. What then do they say ? 

Cyn. They say Pygmalion's statues have one head 
That head, Cynisca's. 

Pyg. So then it's a fault 

To reproduce a hundred thousand fold, 
For the advantage of mankind at large, 
The happiness the gods have given me ! 
Well, when I find a fairer head than thine 
I'll give my patrons some variety. 

Cyn. I would not have thee find another head 
That seemed as fair to thee for all the world ! 
We'll have no stranger models if you please, 
I'll be your model, sir, as heretofore, 
So reproduce me at your will ; and yet 
It were sheer vanity in me to think 
That this fair stone recalls Cynisca's face ! 

Pyg. Cynisca's face in every line ! 

Cyn. No, no ! 

Those outlines softened, angles smoothed away, 
The eyebrows arched, the head more truly poised, 
The forehead ten years smoother than mine own, 
Tell rather of Cynisca as she was 
When, in the silent groves of Artemis, 
Pygmalion told his love ten years ago: 

E 



50 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

And then the placid brow, the sweet sad lips, 

The gentle head down-bent resignedly, 

Proclaim that this is not Pygmalion's wife, 

Who laughs and frowns, but knows no meed between. 

I am no longer as that statue is! (Closes curtain.) 

Pyg- Why here's ingratitude, to slander Time, 
Who in his hurried course has passed thee by ! 
Or is it that Cynisca won't allow 
That Time could pass her by, and never pause 
To print a kiss upon so fair a face ? 

Enter MYRINE. 

Myr. Pygmalion ; I have news. 

Pyg. My sister, speak. 

Myr. (bashfully}. Send Mimos hence. 

Pyg. (signs to MIMOS). Now we are quite alone. 

Myr. Leucippe 

Cyn. Well ! 

Myr. (to PYG.) He was thy schoolfellow, 

And thou and he are brothers save in /H^ood; 
He loves my brother as a brother, 

Pyg. Yes, 

I'm sure of that ; but is that all thy news ? 
There's more to come! 

Myr. (bashfully}. He loves thy sister too. 

Pyg. Why this is news, Myrine kiss me girl. 
I'm more than happy at thy happiness, 
There is no better fellow in the world ! 

Cyn. But tell us all about it, dear. How came 
The awkward, bashful, burly warrior, 
To nerve himself to this confession ? 

LEUCIPPE appears at door. 

Myr. Why 

He's here and he shall tell thee how it was. 

Leuc. In truth I hardly know ! I'm new at it ; 
I'm but a soldier. Could I fight my way 
Into a maiden's heart, why well and good ; 
I'd get there, somehow. But to talk and sigh, 
And whisper pretty things I can't do that! 
I tried it, but I stammered, blushed, and failed. 
Myrine laughed at me but, bless her heart, 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 51 

She knew my meaning, and she pulled me through ! 

Myr. I don't know how, Pygmalion, but I did. 
He stammered, as he tells you, and I laughed j 
And then I felt so sorry, when I saw 
The great, hig, brave Leucippe look so like 
A beaten schoolboy that I think I cried. 
And then I quite forget what happened next, 
Till, by some means, we, who had always been 
So cold and formal, distant and polite, 
Found ourselves 

Leuc. Each upon the other's neck ! 

You are not angry ? (offering his hand.) 

Pyg. (taking it). Angry ? overjoyed ! 
I wish I had been there, unseen, to see ; 
No sight could give me greater happiness ! 

Leuc. What ! say you so ? Why then, Myrine, girl, 
We'll reproduce it for his benefit. (They embrace.) 
See here, Pygmalion, here's a group for thee ! 
Come, fetch thy clay, and set to work on it, 
I'll promise thee thy models will not tire ! 

Cyn. How now, Leucippe, where's the schoolboy blush 
That used to coat thy face at sight of her ? 

Leuc. The coating was but thin, we've rubbed it off! 

(Kisses MYRINE.) 

Pyg. Take care of him, Myrine ; thou hast not 
The safeguard that protects her. (Indicating CYXISCA.) 

Myr. What is that ? 

Cyn. It's a strange story. Many years ago 
I was a holy nymph of Artemis, 
Pledged to eternal maidenhood ! 

Leuc. Indeed ! 

Myr. How terrible ! 

Cyn. It seemed not so to me ; 

For weeks and weeks I pondered steadfastly 
Upon the nature of that serious step 
Before I took it lay awake at night, 
Looking upon it from this point and that, 
And I at length determined that the vow, 
Which to Myrine seems so terrible, 
Was one that I, at all events, could keep. 

Myr. How old wast thou, Cynisca ? 

Cyn. I was ten ! 

Well in due course, I reached eleven, still 
I saw no reason to regret the step ; 



52 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

Twelve thirteen fourteen saw me still unchanged ; 

At fifteen, it occurred to me one day 

That marriage was a necessary ill, 

Inflicted by the gods to punish us, 

And to evade it were impiety ; 

At sixteen the idea became more fixed ; 

At seventeen I was convinced of it ! 

Pyg. In the mean time she'd seen Pygmalion. 
Myr. And you confided all your doubts to him ? 

Cyn. I did, and he endorsed them so we laid 
The case before my mistress Artemis ; 
No need to tell the arguments we used, 
Suffice it that they brought about our end. 
And Artemis, her icy steadfastness 
Thawed by the ardour of Cyni sea's prayers, 
Eeplied, " Go, girl, and wed Pygmalion ; 
" But mark my words, whichever one of you, 
" Or he or she, shall falsify the vow 
" Of perfect conjugal fidelity 
" The wronged one, he or she, shall have the power 
" To call down blindness on the backslider, 
" And sightless shall the truant mate remain 
" Until expressly pardoned by the other." 

Leuc. It's fortunate such powers as thine are not 
ID universal use ; for if they were, 
One-half the husbands and one-half the wives 
Would be as blind as night ; the other half, 
Having their eyes, would use them on each other ! 
(Minos enters, and gives PYGMALION a scroll, luliich he reads.) 

Myr. But then, the power of calling down this doom 
Piemains with thee. Thou wouldst not burden him 
With such a curse as utter sightlessness, 
However grievously he might offend ? 

Cyn. I love Pygmalion for his faithfulness ; 
The act that robs him of that quality 
Will rob him of the love that springs from it. 

Myr. But sightlessness it is so terrible ! 

Cyn. And faithlessness it is so terrible ! 
I take my temper from Pygmalion ; 
While he is god-like he's a god to me, 
And should he turn to devil, I'll turn with him ; 
I know no half-moods, I am love or hate ! 

Myr. (to LEUC.). What do you say to that ? 

\Viiy, on the whole 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 53 

I'm glad you're not a nymph of Artemis ! 

[Exeunt MYRINE and LEUCIPPE. 

Pyg. I've brought him to his senses. Presently 
My patron Chrysos will be here to earn 
Some thousand drachmas. 

Cyn. How, my love, to earn ? 

He is a man of unexampled wealth, 
And follows no profession. 

Pyg. Yes, he does ; 

He is a patron of the Arts, and makes 
A handsome income by his patronage. 

Cyn. How so ? 

Pyg. He is an ignorant buffoon, 

But purses hold a higher rank than brains, 
And he is rich ; wherever Chrysos buys. 
The world of smaller fools comes following, 
And men are glad to sell their work to him 
At half its proper price, that they may say, 
" Chrysos has purchased handiwork of ours." 
He is a fashion, and he knows it well 
In buying sculpture ; he appraises it 
As he'd appraise a master-mason's work 
So much for marble, and so much for time, 
So much for working tools but still he buys, 
And so he is a patron of the Arts ! 

Cyn. To think that heaven-born Art should be the slave 
Of such as he ! 

Pyg. Well, wealth is heaven-born too. 

I work for wealth. 

Cyn. Thou workest, love, for fame. 

Pyg. And fame brings wealth. The thought's con- 
temptible, 
But I can do no more than work for wealth. 

Cyn. Such words from one whose noble work it is 
To call the senseless marble into life ! 

Pyg. Life ! Dost thou call that life ? 

(Indicating statue of GALATEA.) 

Cyn. It all but breathes ! 

Pyg. (bitterly}. It all but breathes therefore it talks 

aloud ! 

It all but moves therefore it walks and runs ! 
It all but lives, and therefore it is life ! 
No, no, my love, the thing is cold, dull stone, 
Shaped to a certain form, but still dull stone, 



54 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

The lifeless, senseless mockery of life. 
The gods make life : I can make only death ! 
Why, my Cynisca, though I stand so well, 
The merest cut-throat, when he plies his trade, 
Makes better death than I, with all my skill ! 

Cyn. Hush, my Pygmalion ! the gods are good, 
And they have made thee nearer unto them 
Than other men ; this is ingratitude ! 

Pyg. Not so ; has not a monarch's second son 
More cause for anger that he lacks a throne 
Than he whose lot is cast in slavery ? 

Cyn. Not much more cause, perhaps, but more excuse. 
Now I must go. 

Pyg. So soon, and for so long ! 

Cyn. One day, 'twill quickly pass away ! 
pyg. With those 

Who measure time by almanacks, no doubt, 
But not with him who knows no days save those 
Born of the sunlight of Cynisca's eyes ; 
It will be night with me till she returns. 

Cyn. Then sleep it through, Pygmalion ! But stay, 
Thou shalt not pass the weary hours alone ; 
Now mark thou this while I'm away from thee, 
There stands my only representative. (Indicating GALATEA.) 
She is my proxy, and I charge you, sir, 
Be faithful unto her as unto me ; 
Into her quietly attentive ear 
Pour all thy treasures of hyperbole, 
And give thy nimble tongue full license, lest 
Disuse should rust its glib machinery ; 
If thoughts of love should haply crowd on thee, 
There stands my other self ; tell them to her ; 
She'll listen well. (He makes a movement of impatience.} 

Nay, that's ungenerous, 
For she is I, yet lovelier than I, 
And hath no temper, sir, and hath no tongue ! 
Thou hast thy license, make good use of it. 
Already I'm half jealous (draws curtains') 

There, it's gone. 

The thing is but a statue after all, 
And I am safe in leaving thee with her ; 
Farewell, Pygmalion, till I return. 

(Kisses him, and exit.) 
Pyg. " The thing is but a statue after all ! " 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 55 

Cynisca little thought that in those words 

She touched the key-note of my discontent 

True, I have powers denied to other men ; 

Give me a block of senseless marble Well, 

I'm a magician, and it rests with me 

To say what kernel lies within its shell ; 

It shall contain a man, a woman child 

A dozen men and women if I will. 

So far the gods and I run neck and neck ; 

Nay, so far I can beat them at their trade ! 

/ am no bungler all the men I make 

Are straight-limbed fellows, each magnificent 

In the perfection of his manly grace : 

/ make no crook-backs all my men are gods, 

My women goddesses in outward form. 

But there's my tether ! I can go so far, 

And go no farther ! At that point I stop, 

To curse the bonds that hold me sternly back . 

To curse the arrogance of those proud gods, 

Who say, " Thou shall be greatest among men, 

" And yet infinitesimally small ! " 

GALATEA. Pygmalion ! 

Pyg. Who called? 

Gal. Pygmalion ! 

(PYG. tears aivay curtain and discovers GALATEA alive.') 

Pyg. Ye gods ! It lives ! 

Gal. Pygmalion ! 

Pyg. It speaks ! 

I have my prayer ! my Galatea breathes ! 

Gal. Where am I ? Let me speak, Pygmalion ; 
Give me thy hand both hands how soft and warm ! 
Whence came I ? (Descends.} 

Pyg. Why, from yonder pedestal ! 

Gal. That pedestal ? Ah, yes, I recollect, 
There was a time when it was part of me. 

Pyg. That time has passed for ever, thou art now 
A living, breathing woman, excellent 
In every attribute of womankind. 

Gal. Where am I, then ? 

Pyg. Why, born into the work\ 

By miracle ! 

Gal. Is this the world ? 

Pyg. It is. 

Gal. This room? 



56 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

Pyg. This room is a portion of a house ; 

The house stands in a grove; the grove itself 
Is one of many, many hundred groves 
In Athens. 

Gal. And is Athens then the world? 

Pyg. To an Athenian Yes 

Gal. And I am one ? 

Pyg. By birth and parentage, not by descent. 

Gal. But how came I to be? 

Pyg. Well let me see. 

Oh you were quarried in Pentelicus ; 
I modelled you in clay my artisans 
Then roughed you out in marble I, in turn, 
Brought my artistic skill to bear on you, 
And made you what you are in all but life 
The gods completed what I had begun, 
And gave the only gift I could not give ! 

Gal. Then this is life ? 

Pyg. It is. 

Gal. And not long since 

I was a cold, dull stone ! I recollect 
That by some means I knew that I was stone : 
That was the first dull gleam of consciousness ; 
1 became conscious of a chilly self, 
A cold immovable identity, 
I knew that I was stone, and knew no more ! 
Then, by an imperceptible advance, 
Came the dim evidence of outer things, 
Seen darkly and imperfectly yet seen 
The walls surrounding me, and I, alone. 
That pedestal that curtain then a voice 
That called on Galatea ! At that word, 
Which seemed to shake my marble to the cure, 
That which was dim before, came evident. 
Sounds, that had hummed around me, indistinct, 
Vague, meaningless seemed to resolve themselves 
Into a language I could understand ; 
I felt my frame pervaded by a glow 
That seemed to thaw my marble into flesh ; 
Its cold hard substance throbbed with active life, 
My limbs grew supple, and I moved I lived ! 
Lived in the ecstasy of new-born life ! 
Lived in the love of him that fashioned me ! 
Lived in a thousand tangled thoughts of hope, 



PYGMALION" AND GALATEA. 57 

Love, gratitude thoughts that resolved themselves 
Into one word, that word, Pygmalion ! (Kneels to him.) 

Pyg. I have no words to tell thee of my joy, 
woman perfect in thy loveliness! 

Gal. What is that word ? Am I a woman ? 

Pyg. Yes. 

Gal. Art thou a woman ? 

Pyg. No, I am a man. 

Gal. What is a man ? 

Pyg. A being strongly framed, 

To wait on woman, and protect her from 
All ills that strength and courage can avert ; 
To work and toil for her, that she may rest ; 
To weep and mourn for her, that she may laugh ; 
To fight and die for her, that she may live ! 

Gal. (after a pause). I'm glad I am a woman. 

Pyg. So am I. (They sit.) 

Gal. That I escape the pains thou hast to bear ? 

Pyg. That I may undergo those pains for thee. 

Gal. With whom then wouldst thou fight? 

Pyg. With any man 

Whose deed or word gave Galatea pain. 

Gal. Then there are other men in this strange world ? 

Pyg. There are, indeed ! 

Gal. And other women ? 

Pyg. (taken alack). Yes ; 

Though for the moment I'd forgotten it! 
Yes, other women. 

Gal. And for all of these 

Men work, and toil, and mourn, and weep, and fight ? 

Pyg. It is man's duty, if he's called upon, 
To fight for all he works for those he loves. 

Gal. Then by thy work I know thou lovest me. 

Pyg. Indeed, I love thee! (Embraces her.) 

Gal. With what kind of love ? 

Pyg. I love thee (recollecting himself and reltasing her) 

as a sculptor loves his work ! 
(Aside) There is a diplomacy in that reply. 

Gal. My love is different in kind to thine : 
I am no sculptor, and I've done no work, 
Yet I do love thee: say what love is mine? 

Pyg. Tell me its symptoms, then I'll answer theo 

Gal. Its symptoms? Let me call them as they cime. 
A sense that I am made by thee for thee; 



58 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

That I've no will that is not wholly thine ; 
That I've no thought, no hope, no enterprise 
That does not own thee as its sovereign ; 
That I have life, that I may live for thee, 
That I am thine that thou and I are one ! 
What kind of love is that ? 

Pyg. A kind of love 

That I shall run some risk in dealing with ! 

Gal. And why, Pygmalion ? 

Pyg. Such love as thine 

A man may not receive, except indeed 
From one who is, or is to be, his wife. 

Gal. Then I will be thy wife ! 

Pyg.- That may not be ; 

I have a wife the gods allow but one. 

Gal. Why did the gods then send me here to thee ? 

Pyg. I cannot say unless to punish me 
For unreflecting and presumptuous prayer ! 
I prayed that thou should st live I have my prayer, 
And now I see the fearful consequence 
That must attend it ! 

Gal. Yet thou lovest me ? 

Pyg. Who could look on that face and stifle love? 

Gal. Then I am beautiful ? 

Pyg. Indeed thou art. 

Gal. I wish that I could look upon myself, 
But that's impossible. 

Pyg. Not so indeed. 

This mirror will reflect thy face. Behold ! 

{Hands her a mirror.} 

Gal. How beautiful ! I'm very glad to know 
That both our tastes agree so perfectly ; 
Why, my Pygmalion, I did not think 
That aught could be more beautiful than thou, 
Till I beheld myself. Believe me, love, 
I could look in this mirror all day long. 
So I'm a woman ! 

Pyg. There's no doubt of that ! 

Gal. Oh happy maid to be so passing fair ! 
And happier still Pygmalion, who can gaze, 
At will, upon so beautiful a face! 

Pyg. Hush ! Galatea in thine innocence 
Thou sayest things that others would reprove. 

Gal. Indeed, Pygmalion ; then it is wrong 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 59 

To think that one is exquisitely fair ? 
Pyg. Well, Galatea, it's a sentiment 
That every other woman shares with thee ; 
They think it but they keep it to themselves. 
Gal. And is thy wife as beautiful as I ? 
Pyg. No, Galatea, for in forming thee 
I took her features lovely in themselves- 
And in the marble made them lovelier still. 

Gal. (disappointed). Oh ! then I'm not original ? 
Pyg. Well no 

That is thou hast indeed a prototype ; 
But though in stone thou dost resemble her, 
In life the difference is manifest. 

Gal. I'm very glad I'm lovelier than she. 
And am I better ? 

Pyg. That I do not know. 

Gal. Then she has faults ? 

Pyg. But very few indeed ; 

Mere trivial blemishes, that serve to show 
That she and I are of one common kin. 
I love her all the better for such faults ! 

Gal. (fifter a pause). Tell me some faults, and I'll com- 
mit them now. 

Pyg. There is no hurry ; they will come in time : 
Though for that matter, it's a grievous sin 
To sit as lovingly as we sit now. 

Gal. Is sin so pleasant? If to sit and talk 
As we are sitting, be indeed a sin, 
Why I could sin all day ! But tell me, love, 
Is this great fault that I'm committing now, 
The kind of fault that only serves to show 
That thou and I are of one common kin ? 
Pyg. Indeed, I'm very much afraid it is. 
Gal. And dost thou love me better for such fault ? 
Pyg. Where is the mortal that could answer " no " ? 
Gal. Why then I'm satisfied, Pygmalion; 
Thy wife and I can start on equal terms. 
She loves thee ? 

Pyg. Very much. 

Gal. I'm glad of that. 

I like thy wife. 

Pyg. And why ? 

Gal. Our tastes agree. 

We love Pygmalion well, and what is more, 



60 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

Pygmalion loves us both. I like thy wife ; 

I'm sure we shall agree. 

' Pyg. {aside). I doubt it much ! 

Gal. Is she within ? 

Pyg. No, she is not within. 

Gal. But she'll come back ? 

Pyg. Oh, yes, she will come back. 

Gal. How pleased she'll be to know, when she returns, 
That there was some one here to fill her place ! 

Pyg. (dryly). Yes, I should say she'd be extremely 
pleased. 

Gal. Why, there is something in thy voice which says 
That thou art jesting ! Is it possible 
To say one thing and mean another ? 

Pyg. Yes, 

It's sometimes done. 

Gal. How very wonderful ; 

So clever ! 

Pyg. And so very useful. 

Gal. Yes. 

Teach me the art. 

Pyg. The art will come in time. 

My wife will not be pleased ; there that's the truth. 

Gal. I do not think that I shall like thy wife. 
Tell me more of her. 

Pyg. Well 

Gal. What did she say 

When last she left thee ? 

Pyg. Humph ! Well, let me sec : 

Oh ! true, she gave thee to me as my wife, 
Her solitary representative ; 
She feared I should be lonely till she came, 
And counselled me, if thoughts of love should come, 
To speak those thoughts to thee, as I am wont 
To speak to her. 

Gal. That's right. 

Pyg. But when she spoke 

Thou wast a stone, now thou art flesh and blood, 
Which makes a difference ! 

Gal. It's a strange world ! 

A woman loves her husband very much, 
And cannot brook that I should love him too ; 
She fears he will be lonely till she comes, 
And will not let me cheer his loneliness ; 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 61 

She bids him breathe his love to senseless stone, 
And when that stone is brought to life be dumb ! 
It's a strange world I cannot fathom it ! 

Pyg. (aside}. Let me be brave, and put an end to this 
(aloud). Come, Galatea till my wife returns, 
My sister shall provide thee with a home ; 
Her house is close at hand. 

Gal. (astonished and alarmed). Send me not hence, 
Pygmalion let me stay. 

Pyg. It may not be. 

Come, Galatea, we shall meet again. 

Gal. (resignedly). Do with me as thou wilt, Pygmalion ! 
But we shall meet again ? and very soon ? 

Pyg. Yes, very soon. 

Gal. And when thy wife returns, 

She'll let me stay with thee ? 

Pyg. I do not know. 

(Aside) Why should I hide the truth from her; (aloud) alas! 
1 may not see thee then. 

Gal. Pygmalion ! 

What fearful words are these ? 

Pyg. The bitter truth. 

I may not love thee I must send thee hence. 

Gal. Eecall those words, Pygmalion, my love ! 
Was it for this that Heaven gave me life ? 
Pygmalion, have mercy on me ; see, 
I am thy work, thou hast created me ; 
The gods have sent me to thee. I am thine, 
Thine ! only, and unalterably thine ! 
This is the thought with which my soul is charged. 
Thou tellest me of one who claims thy love, 
That thou hast love for her alone : Alas ! 
I do not know these things I only know 
That Heaven has sent me here to be with thee '. 
Thou tellest me of duty to thy wife, 
Of vows that thou wilt love but her ; Alas ! 
I do not know these things I only know 
That Heaven, who sent me here, has given me 
One all-absorbing duty to discharge 
To love thee, and to make thee love again ! 

[During this speech PYGMALION has shown symptom a 
of irresolution ; at its conclusion he takes her in 
his arms, and en/braces her pa.sninnfitrly.~\ 



62 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

ACT II. 

SCENE, same as Act I. 
PYGMALION discovered at luork on an unfinished statue. 

Pyg. To-niorrow my Cynisca comes to me ; 
Would that she had never departed hence ! 
It took a miracle to make me false, 
And even then I was but false in thought ; 
A less exacting wife might be appeased 
By that reflection. But Pygmalion 
Must be immaculate in every thought, 
Even though Heaven's armaments be ranged 
Against the fortress of his constancy ! 

Enter MYRINE, in great excitement. 

Myr. Pygmalion ! 

Pyg. Myrine ! 

Myr. Touch me not, 

Thou hast deceived me, and deceived thy wife ! 
Who is the woman thou didst send to me 
To share my roof last night ? 

Pyg- Be pacified ; 

Judge neither of us hastily ; in truth 
She is as pure, as innocent as thou. 

Myr. Oh, miserable man confess the truth ! 
Disguise not that of which she boasts aloud ! 

Pyg. Of what then does she boast ? 

Myr. To all I say 

She answers with one parrot-like reply, 
" I love Pygmalion " and when incensed 
I tell her that thou hast a cheated wife, 
She only says, " I love Pygmalion, 
" I and my life are his, and his alone ! " 
Who is this shameless woman, sir? Confess ! 

Pyg. Myrine, I will tell thee all. The gods, 
To punish my expressed impiety, 
Have worked a miracle, and brought to life 
My statue Galatea ! 

Myr. (incredulously). Marvellous, 
If it be true ! 



PYGMALION A^ 7 D GALATEA. 63 

Pyg. It's absolutely true. 

(MYRINE opens the curtains and sees the pedestal emjit)/.) 

Myr. The statue's gone ! (GALATEA appears at door.) 

Pyg. The statue's at the door 1 

Gal. At last we meet ! Oh ! my Pygmalion ! 
What strange, strange things have happened since we mot. 

Pyg. Why, what has happened to thee? 

Gal. Fearful things ! 

(To MYR.) I went with thee into thine house 

Myr. Well, well. 

Gal. And then I sat alone and wept and wept 
A long, long time for my Pygmalion. 
Then by degrees, by tedious degrees, 
The light the glorious light! the god-sent light ! 
I saw it sink sink sink behind the world 1 
Then I grew cold cold as I used to be, 
Before my loved Pygmalion gave me life. 
Then came the fearful thought that, by degrees, 
I was returning into stone again ! 
How bitterly I wept and prayed aloud 
That it might not be so ! " Spare me, ye gods 1 

Spare me," I cried, " for my Pygmalion. 
" A little longer for Pygmalion ! 
" Oh, take me not so early from my love ; 
" Oh, let me see him once but once again ! " 
But no they heard me not, for they are good, 
And had they heard, must needs have pitied me ; 
They had not seen thee, and they did not know 
The happiness that I must leave behind. 
I fell upon thy couch (to MYRIXE) ; my eyelids closed ; 
My senses faded from me one by one ; 
I knew no more until I found myself, 
After a strange dark interval of time, 
Once more upon my hated pedestal, 
A statue motionless insensible ; 
And then I saw the glorious gods come down ! 
Down to this room! the air was filled with them! 
They came and looked upon Pygmalion, 
And, looking on him, kissed him one by one, 
And said, in tones that spoke to me of life, 
" We cannot take her from such happiness ! 
" Live, Galatea, for his love ! " And then 
The glorious light that I had lost came back- 
There was Myrine'a room, thore was her couch, 



. 



64 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

There was the sun in heaven ; and the birds 
Sang once more in the great green waving trees, 
As I had heard them sing I lived once more 
To look on him I love ! 

Myr. 'Twas but a dream ! 

Once every day this death occurs to us, 
Till thou and I and all who dwell on earth 
Shall sleep to wake no more ? 

Gal. To wake no more ? 

Pyg. That time must come may he not yet awhile 
Still it must come, a*nd we shall all return 
To the cold earth from which we quarried thee. 

Gal. See how the promises of new-horn life 
Fade from the bright hope-picture, one by one ! 
Love for Pygmalion, a blighting sin ; 
His love a shame that he must hide away ; 
Sleep, stone-like senseless sleep, our natural state ; 
And life a passing vision born thereof ! 
How the bright promises fade one by one ! 

Myr. Why there are many men whom thou mayst love ; 
But not Pygmalion he has a wife. 

Gal. Does no one love him ? 

Myr. Certainly 7 do. 

He is my brother. 

Gal. Did he give thee life ? 

Myr. Why no ; but then 

Gal. He did not give thee life, 

And yet thou lovest him ! And why not I 
Who owe my very being to his love ? 

Pyy. Well, thou mayst love me as a father. 

Myr. Yes ; 

He is thy father, for he gave thee life. 

Gal. Well, as thou wilt ; it is enough to know 
That I may love thee. Wilt thou love me too ? 

Pyg. Yes, as a daughter ; there, that's understood. 

Gal. Then I am satisfied. 

Myr. (aside). Indeed I hope 

Cynisca also will be satisfied ! [Exit MYKINE. 

Gal. (To PYG.) Thou art not going from me? 

Pyg- For a while. 

Gal. Oh, take me with thee ; leave me not alone 
With these cold emblems of my former self! 

(Alluding to statues.) 
I dare not look on them ! 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 65 

Pyg. Lcucippc comes, 

And he shall comfort thcc till I return ; 
I'll not be long ! 

Gal. Leucippe ! Who's he ? 

Pyg. A valiant soldier. 

Gal. What is that? 

Pyg. A man 

Who's hired to kill his country's enemies. 

Gal. (horrified). A paid assassin ! 

Pyg. (annoyed). Well, that's rather strong. 

There spoke the thoroughly untutored mind ; 
So coarse a sentiment might fairly pass 
With mere Arcadians a cultured state 
Holds soldiers at a higher estimate. 
In Athens which is highly civilized 
The soldier's social rank is in itself 
Almost a patent of nobility. 

Gal. He kills ! And he is paid to kill ! 

Pyg. No doubt. 

But then he kills to save his countrymen. 

Gal. Whether his countrymen be right or wrong V 

Pyg. He don't go into that it's quite enough 
That there are enemies for him to kill : 
He goes and kills them when his orders come. 

Gal. How terrible! Why, my Pygmalion, 
How many dreadful things thou teachest me ! 
Thou tellest me of death that hideous doom 
That all must fill ; and having told me this 
Here is a man, whose business is to kill : 
To filch from other men the priceless boon 
That thou hast given me the boon ot life 
And thou defcndcst him ! 

Pyg. I have no time 

To make these matters clear but here he comes, 
Talk to him thou wilt find him kind and good, 
Despite his terrible profession. 

Gal. (in great terror). No ! 

I'll not be left with him, Pygmalion. Stay! 
He is a murderer ! 

Pyg. Ridiculous! 

Why, Galatea, he will harm thee not : 
lie is as good as brave. I'll not be long ; 
I'll soon return. Farewell ! [Exit. 

Gal. I will obey, 

F 



66 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

Since tliou desircst it ; but to be left 
Alone with one whose mission is to kill ! 
Oh, it is terrible ! 

Enter LEUCIPPE -with a Fawn that he has shot. 

Leuc. A splendid shot, 

And one that I shall never make again ! 

Gal. Monster ! Approach me not ! 

(Shrinking into corner.} 

Leuc. Why, who is this ? 

Nay, I'll not hurt thee, maiden ! 

Gal. Spare me, sir ! 

I have not done thy country any wrong ! 
I am no enemy ! 

Leuc. I'll swear to that ! 

Were Athens' enemies as fair as thou, 
She'd never be at loss for warriors. 

Gal. Oh miserable man, repent! repent! 
Ere the stern marble claim you once again. 

Leuc. I don't quite understand 

Gal. Remember, sir, 

The sculptor who designed you little thought 
That when he prayed the gods to give you life, 
He turned a monster loose upon the world ! 
See, there is blood upon those cruel hands ! 
Oh, touch me not ! 

Leuc. (aside). Poor crazy little girl ! 
Why there's no cause for fear I'll harm thee not 
As for the blood, this will account for it (showing Fawn). 

Gal. What's that? 

Leuc. A little fawn. 

Gal. It does not move ! 

Leuc. No, for I wounded her. 

Gal. Oh, horrible ! 

Leuc. Poor little thing ! 'Twas almost accident ; 
I lay upon my back beneath a tree, 
Whistling the lazy hours away when, lo ! 
I saw her bounding through a distant glade ; 
My bow was handy ; in sheer wantonness 
I aimed an arrow at her, and let fly, 
Believing that at near a hundred yards 
So small a being would be safe enough, 
But, strange to tell, I hit her. Here she is; 
She moves poor little lady ! Ah, she's dead! 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 67 

Gal. Oh, horrible ! oh, miserable man ! 
What have you done? (Takes Fawn into her arms) 

Why, you have murdered her ! 
Poor little thing ! I know not what thou art ; 
Thy form is strange to me; but thou hadst life, 
And he has robbed thec of it! (Gives it lack to LEUC.) 

Get you hence ! 
Ere vengeance overtake you ! 

Leuc. Well, in truth, 

I have some apprehension on that score. 
It was Myrine's though I knew it not ! 
'Twould pain her much to know that it is dead ; 
So keep the matter carefully from her 
Until I can replace it. [Exit. LEUCIPPE willi Fawn. 

Gal. Get you hence ; 

I have no compact with a murderer ! 

Enter MYEINE. 

Myr. Why, Galatea, what has frightened thec ? 

Gal. Myrine, I have that to say to thec 
That thou must nerve thyself to hear. That man 
The man thou lovest is a murderer ! 

Myr. Poor little maid ! Pygmalion, ere he left, 
Told me that by that name thou didst describe 
The bravest soldier that our country owns ! 
lie's no assassin, he's a warrior. 

Gal. Then what is an assassin ? 

Myr. One who wars 

Only with weak, defenceless creatures. One 
Whose calling is to murder unawares. 
My brave Leucippe is no murderer. 

Gal. Thy brave Leucippe is no longer brave, 
He is a mere assassin by thy showing. 
I saw him with his victim in his arms, 
His wicked hands dyed crimson with her blood ! 
There she lay, cold and stark her gentle eyes 
Glazed with the film of death. She moved but once, 
She turned her head to him and tried to speak, 
But ere she could articulate a word 
Her head fell helplessly, and she was dead ! 

Myr. Why, you are raving, girl ! Who told you this ? 

Gal. He owned it ; and he gloried in the deed. 
He told me how, in arrant wantonness, 
He drew his bow, and smote her to the heart ! 



68 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

Myr. Lcucippe did all this ! Impossible ! 
You must be dreaming ! 

Gal. On my life, it's true. 

See, here's a handkerchief which still is stained 
With her life-blood I staunched it with my hand. 

Myr. Who was his victim ? 

Gal. Nay I cannot tell. 

Her form was strange to me but here he comes ; 
Oh, hide me from that wicked murderer ! 

Enter LEUCIPPE. 

Myr. Leucippe, can this dreadful tale be true ? 

Leuc. (to GAL., aside). Thou should have kept my 

secret. See, poor girl, 

How it distresses her. ( To MYR.) It's true enough, 
But Galatea should have kept it close, 
I knew that it would pain thee grievously. 

Myr. Some devil must have turned Leucippe's brain ! 
You did all this? 

Leuc. Undoubtedly I did. 

I saw my victim dancing happily 
Across my field of view I took my bow, 
And, at the distance of a hiUndrcd yards, 
I sent an arrow right into her heart. 
There are few soldiers who could do as much. 

Myr. Indeed I hope that there are very few. 
Oh, miserable man ! 

Leuc. That's rather hard. 

Congratulate me rather on my aim, 
Of which I have some reason now to boast ; 
As for my victim why, one more or less, 
What does it matter ? There arc plenty left ! 
And then reflect indeed, I never thought 
That I should hit her at so long a range ; 
My aim was truer than I thought it was, 
And the poor little lady's dead ! 

Myr. Alas! 

This is the calmness of insanity. 
What shall we do ? Go, hide yourself away 

Leuc. But 

Myr. Not a word I will not hear thy voice, 

I will not look upon thv face again ; 
Begone ! 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 69 

Gal. Go, sir, or I'll alarm the house ! 

Leuc. Well, this is sensibility, indeed ! 
"Well, they are women women judge these things 
By some disjointed logic of their own, 
That is not given to man to understand. 
I'm off to Athens when your reason comes 
Send for me, if you will. Till then, farewell. 

[Exit angrily. 

Myr. Oh, this must be a dream, and I shall wake 
To happiness once more ! 

Gal. A dream ! no doubt ! 

We both are dreaming, and we dream the same ! 
But by what sign, Myrine, can we tell 
Whether we dream or wake ? 

Myr. There are some things 

Too terrible for truth, and this is one. 

Enter PYGMALION, with Fawn. 

Pyg. Why, what's the matter with Leucippe, girl ? 
I saw him leave the house, and mount his horse 
With every show of anger. 

Myr. He is mad, 

And he hath done a deed I dare not name. 
Did he say ought to thee before he left ? 

Pyg. Yes ; when I asked him what had angered him, 
He threw me this (showing Fawn}. 

Gal. (in extreme of horror). His victim ! take it hence ! 
I cannot look at it ! 

Myr. Why, what is this? 

Gal. The being he destroyed in wantonness ; 
He robbed it of the life the gods had given. 
Oh ! take it hence ; I dare not look on death ! 

Myr. Why, was this all he killed ? 

Gal. (astonished"). All!!! Andenougli.' 

Myr. Why, girl thou must be mad ! Pygmalion 
She told me he had murdered somebody, 
But knew not whom ! 

Pyg. The girl will drive us mad ! 

Bid them prepare my horse I'll bring him back. 

[Exit MYRINK 

Gal. Have I done wrong ? Indeed, I did not know : 
Thou art not angry with me ? 

Pyg. Yes, I am ; 



70 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

I'm more than angry with thee not content 
With publishing thine unmasked love for me, 
Thou hast estranged Leucippe from his love 
Through thine unwarrantable foolishness. 

Enter MIMOS. 

Mim. Sir, Chrysos and his lady are without. 

Pyg. I cannot see them now. Stay show them in. 

[Exit MIMOS. 
(To GAL.) Go, wait in there. I'll join thee very soon. 

[Exit GALATEA. 

Enter DAPHNE. 

Daph. Where is Pygmalion ? 

Pyg. Pygmalion's here. 

DapJi. We called upon you many months ago, 
But you were not at home so being here, 
We looked around us and we saw the stone 
You keep so carefully behind that veil. 

Pyg. That was a most outrageous liberty. 

Daph. Sir ! Do you know me ? 

Pyg. You are Chrysos' wife. 

Has Chrysos come with you ? 

Daph. He waits without. 

I am his herald to prepare you for 
The honour he confers. Be civil, sir, 
And he may buy that statue ; if he does 
Your fortune's made ! 

Pyg. (to MIMOS). You'd better send him in. 

[Exit MIMOR. 

Enter CHBYSOS. 

Chry. Well is the young man's mind prepared ? 

Daph. It is ; 

He seems quite calm. Give money for the stone, 
I've heard that it is far beyond all price, 
But run it down ; abuse it ere you buy. 

Chry. (to PYG.). Where is the statue that I saw last year ? 

Pyg. Sir it's unfinished it's a clumsy thing. 
I .am ashamed of it. 

Chry. It isn't good. 

There's want of tone ; it's much too hard and thiu ; 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 71 

Then the half distances are very crude 
Oh very crude indeed then it lacks air, 
And wind and motion, massive light and shade ; 
It's very roughly scumbled ; on my soul 
The scumbling's damnable ! 

Daph. (aside to lain). Bethink yourself ! 

That's said of painting this is sculpture ! 

Chry. Eh ? 

It's the same thing, the principle's the same ; 
Now for its price. Let's sec what will it weigh ? 

Daph. A ton, or thereabouts. 

Chry. Suppose we say 

A thousand drachmas ? 

Pyg. No, no, no, my lord ! 

The work is very crude and thin, and then 
Remember, sir, the scumbling 

Chry. Damnable ! 

But never mind, although the thing is poor, 
'Twill serve to hold a candle in my hall. 

Pyg. Excuse me, sir ; poor though that statue be, 
I value it beyond all price. 

Chry. Pooh, pooh ! 

I give a thousand drachmas for a stone 
Which in the rough would not fetch half that sum ! 

Daph. "Why, bless my soul, young man, are you aware 
We gave but fifteen hundred not long since 
For an Apollo twice as big as that? 

Pyg. But pardon me, a sculptor does not test 
The beauty of a figure by its bulk. 

Chry. Ah ! then she does. 

Daph. Young man, you'd best take care, 

You are offending Chrysos ! [Exit. 

Chry. And his wife. (going?) 

Pyg. I cannot stay to enter into that. 
Sir, once for all, the statue's not for sale. [Exit. 

Chry. Sir, once for all, I will not be denied ; 
Confound it if a patron of the arts 
Is thus to be dictated to ~by art, 
What comes of that art patron's patronage? 
He must be taught a lesson where's the stone ? 

(Goes to pedestal and opens curia-ins.') 
It's gone ! (Enter GALATEA, he stares at' her in astonish- 
^ment.) Hallo! What's this? 

Gal. Are vou unwell ? 



72 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

Chry. Oh, no I fancied just at first pooh, pooh ! 
Ridiculous. (Aside.} And yet it's very like ! 
(Aloud.) I know your face, haven't I seen you in 
In in (puzzling himself). 

G-al. In marble ? Very probably. 

Chry. Oh, now I understand. Why this must be 
Pygmalion's model ! Yes, of course it is. 
A very bold-faced woman, I'll be bound. 
These models always are. I'll speak with her. 
Come hither, maiden. 

Gal. (ivho has been examining him in great wonder). 

Tell, me, what are you ? 

Chry. "What am I ? 

Gal. Yes, I mean, are you a man ? 

Chry. Well, yes ; I'm told so. 

Gal. Then believe them not, 

They've been deceiving you. 

Chry. The deuce they have ! 

Gal. A man is very tall, and straight, and strong, 
With big brave eyes, fair face, and tender voice. 
I've seen one. 

Chry. Have you ? 

Gal. Yes, you are no man. 

Chry. Does the young person take me for a woman ? 

Gal. A woman ? No ; a woman's soft and weak, 
And fair, and exquisitely beautiful. 
Jam a woman ; you are not like me. 

Chry. The gods forbid that I should be like you, 
And farm my features at so much an hour ! 

Gal. And yet I like you, for you make me laugh ; 
You are so round and red, your eyes so small, 
Your mouth so large, your face so seared with lines, 
And then you are so little and so fat ! 

Chry. (aside). This is a most extraordinary girl. 

Gal. Oh, stay I understand Pygmalion's skill 
Is the result of long experience. 
The individual who modelled you 
Was a beginner very probably ? 

Chry. (puzzled). No. I have seven elder brothers. 

Strange 
That one so young should be so very bold. 

Gal. This is not boldness, it is innocence ; 
Pygmalion says so, and he ought to know. 

Chry. No doubt, but I was not born yesterday. (Sits.) 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 73 

Gal. Indeed ! I was. (He beckons her to sit beside him.} 

How awkwardly you sit. 

Chry. I'm not aware that there is anything 
Extraordinary in my sitting down. 
The nature of the seated attitude 
Does not leave scope for much variety. 

Gal. I never saw Pygmalion sit like that. 

Chry. Don't he sit down like other men ? 

Gal. Of course ! 

He always puts his arm around my waist. 

Chry. The deuce he does ! Artistic reprobate ! 

Gal. But you do not. Perhaps you don't know how ? 

Chry. Oh yes ; I do know how ! 

Gal. Well, do it then ! 

Chry. It's a strange whim, but I will humour her. 
You're sure it's innocence ? (Does so.) 

Gal. Of course it is. 

I tell you I was born but yesterday. 

Chry. Who is your mother ? 

Gal. Mother ! what is that ? 

I never had one. I'm Pygmalion's child ; 
Have people usually mothers ? 

Chry. Well, 

That is the rule. 

Gal. But then Pygmalion 

Is cleverer than most men. 

Chry. Yes, I've hem- 

That he has powers denied to other men, 
And I'm beginning to believe it ! 

Enter DAPHNE. 

Daph. Why ! 

What's this? (CnRYSOS quickly moves away from GAL.) 

Chry. My wife! 

Daph. Can I believe my eyes ? (GAL. rises.) 

Chry. No! 

Daph. Who's this woman ? Why, how very like 

Chry. Like what ? 

Daph. That statue that we wished to buy. 

The self-same face, the self-same drapery, 
In every detail it's identical. 
Why, one would almost think Pygmalion, 
By some strange means, had brought th<; thing to life, 



74 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

So marvellous her likeness to that stone ! 

Chry. (aside). A very good idea, and one that I 
May well improve upon. It's rather rash, 
But desperate ills need desperate remedies. 
Now for a good one. Daphne, calnryourself. 
You know the statue that we spoke of ? Well, 
The gods have worked a miracle on it, 
And it has come to life. Behold it here ! 

Daph. Bah ! Do you think me rnad ? 

Gal. His tale is (rue 

I was a cold unfeeling block of stone, 
Inanimate insensible until 
Pygmalion, by the ardour of his prayers, 
Kindled the spark of life within my frame 
And made me what I am ! 

Chry. (aside to GAL.). That's very good ; 
Go on and keep it up. 

Daph. You brazen girl, 

I am his wife ! 

Gal. His wife ? (To CHRYSOS.) Then get you hence. 
I may not love you when your wife is here. 

Daph. Why, what unknown audacity is this ? 

Chry. It's the audacity of innocence ; 
Don't judge her by the rules that govern you, 
She was born yesterday, and you were 



Enter MIMOS. 

Mim. My lord, Pygmalion's here. 

Chry. (aside}. He'll ruin all. 

Daph. (to MIMOS). Who is this woman ? 

Chry. Why, I've told you, she 

Daph. Stop, not a word ! I'll have it from his lips ! 

Gal. Why ask him when I tell you ? 

Daph. Hold your tongue ! 

(To MIMOS.) Who is this woman? If you tell a lie 
I'll have you whipped. 

Him. Oh, I shall tell no lie ! 

That is a statue that has come to life. 

Chry. (aside to MTMOS). I'm very much obliged to you ! 

(Gives him money.) 



PYGMALION AND GALA TEA. 75 



Enter MYRINE. 

Myr. What's this? 

Is anything the matter ? 

Dapli. Certainly. 

This woman 

Myr. Is a statue come to life. 

Chry. I'm very much obliged to you! 

Enter PYGMALION. 

Pyg. How now, 

Chry sos ? 

Chry. The statue ! 

Daph. Stop ! 

Chry. Let me explain. 

The statue that I purchased 

Daph. Let me speak. 
Chrysos this girl, Myrine, and your slave, 
Have all agreed to tell me she is 

Pyg. The statue, "Galatea, come to life ? 
Undoubtedly she is ! 

Chry. It seems to me, 

I'm very much obliged to every one ! 

Enter CYNISCA. 

Cyn. Pygmalion, my love ! 

Pyg. Cynisca here ! 

Cyn. And even earlier than hoped to be. 
(Aside.) Why, who are these? (Aloud.} I beg your 

pardon, sir, 
I thought my husband was alone. 

Daph. (maliciously). No doubt. 

I also thought my husband was alone : 
We wives are too confiding. 

Cyn. (aside to PYGMALION). Who are these ? 

Pyg. Why, this is Chrysos, this is Daph no. They 
Have come 

Dapli. On very different errands, sir. 

Chrysos has come to see this brazen girl ; 
I have come after Chrysos 

Chry. As you keep 

So strictly to the sequence of events, 



76 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

Add this Pygmalion came after you \ 

Cyn. Who is this lady (alluding to G-ALATEA)? Why, 
impossible ! 

Daph. Oh, not at all ! 

Cyn. (turning to pedestal). And yet the statue's gone ! 

Pyg. Cynisca, miracles have taken place ; 
The gods have given Galatea life ! 

Cyn. Oh, marvellous ! Is this indeed the form 
That my Pygmalion fashioned with his hands ? 

Pyg. Indeed it is. 

Cyn. Why, let me look at her ! 

Yes, it's the same fair face the same fair form ; 
Clad in the same fair folds of drapery ! 

Gal. And dost thou know me then ? 

Cyn. Hear her ! she speaks ! 
Our Galatea speaks aloud ! Know thee ? 
Why I have sat for hours, and watched thee grow ; 
Sat motionless as thou wrapped in his work, 
Save only that in very ecstasy 
I hurried ever and anon to kiss 
The glorious hands that made thee all thou art ! 
Come let me kiss thee with a sister's love. (Kisses her.) 
See, she can kiss ! 

Daph. Yes, I'll be bound she can ! 

Cyn. Why, my Pygmalion, where is the joy 
That ought to animate that face of thine, 
Now that the gods have crowned thy wondrous skill ? 

CJiry. (aside to PYG.) Stick to our story; bold-faced 

though she be, 

She's very young, and may perhaps repent ; 
It's terrible to have to tell a lie, 
But if it must be told why, tell it well ! 

Cyn. I see it all. I have returned too soon. 

Daph. No, I'm afraid you have returned too late ; 
Cynisca, never leave that man again, 
Or leave him altogether ! 

Cyn. (astonished). Why, what's this ? 

Gal. Oh, madam, bear with him, and blame him not ; 
Judge him not hastily ; in every word, 
In every thought he has obeyed thy wish. 
Thou badst him speak to me as unto thee ; 
And he and I have sat as lovingly 
As if thou hadst been present to behold 
How faithfully thy wishes were obeyed ! 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 77 

Cyn. Pygmalion ! What is this ? 

Pyg. (to GAL.). Go, get thec hence , 

Thou shouldst not see the fearful consequence 
That must attend those heedless words of thine ! 

Gal. Judge him not hastily, he's not like this 
When he and I are sitting here alone. 
He has two voices, and two faces, madam, 
One for the world, and one for him and me ! 

Cyn. Thy wife against thine eyes ! those are the stakes ! 
Well, thou hast played thy game, and thou hast lost ! 

Pyy. Cynisca, hear me ! In a cursed hour 
I prayed for power to give that statue life. 
My impious prayer aroused the outraged gods, 
They arc my judges, leave me in their hands ; 
I have been false to them, but not to thcc ! 
Spare me ! 

Cyn. Oh, pitiful adventurer ! 

He dares to lose, but does not dare to pay ! 
Come, be a man ! Sec, Jam brave enough, 
And I have more to bear than thou ! Behold ! 
I am alone, thou hast thy statue bride ! 
Oh, Artemis, my mistress, hear me now, 
F-re I remember how I love that man, 
And in that memory forget my shame ! 
If he in deed or thought hath been untrue, 
Be just and let him pay the penalty ! 

(PYGMALION, with an exclamation, covers Jus ujcs with 
his hands.} 

Gal. Cynisca, pity him ! 

Cyn. I know no pity, woman; for the act 
That thawed thee into flesh has hardened me 
Into the cursed stone from which thou cam'.st. 
We have changed places ; from this moment furth 
Be thou the wife and I the senseless stone ! 

(Thrusts GALATEA //w/i her.} 



78 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

ACT III. 

SCENE: SAME AS ACTS I. AND II. 
Enter DAPHNE. 

Daph. It seems Pygmalion lias the fearful gift 
Of bringing stone to life. I'll question him 
And ascertain how far that power extends. 

Enter MYRINE, weeping. 

Myrinc and in tears ! "Why, what's amiss ? 

Myr. Oh, we were all so happy yesterday, 
And now, within twelve miserable hours, 
A blight has fallen upon all of us. 
Pygmalion is blind as death itself, 
Cynisca leaves his home this very day, 
And my Leucippe hath deserted me ! 
I shall go mad with all this weight of grief! 

Dapli. All this is Galatea's work ? 

Myr. Yes, all. 

Daph. But can't you stop her ? Shut the creature up. 
Dispose of her, or break her ? Won't she chip ? 

Myr. No, I'm afraid not. 

Daph. Ah, were I his wife, 

I'd spoil her beauty ! There'd be little chance 
Of finding him and her alone again ! 

Myr. There's little need to take precautions now, 
For he, alas ! is blind. 

Daph. Blind ! What of that ? 

Man has five senses ; if he loses one 
The vital energy on which it fed 
Goes to intensify the other four. 
He had five arrows in his quiver ; well, 
He has shot one away, and four remain. 
My dear, an enemy is not disarmed 
Because he's lost one arrow out of five ! 

Myr. The punishment he undergoes might well 
Content his wife ! 

Dapli. A happy woman, that ! 

Myr. Cynisca happy ? 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 79 

Daph. To be sure she is ; 

She has the power to punish faithlessness, 
And she has used it on her faithless spouse. 
Had I Cynisca's privilege, I swear 
I'd never let my Chrysos rest in peace, 
Until he warranted my using it ! 
Pygmalion's wronged her, and she's punished him. 
What more could woman want ? 

Enter CYNISCA. 

Cyn. What more ? Why, this ! 

The power to tame my tongue to speak the words 
That would restore him to his former self ! 
The power to quell the fierce, unruly soul 
That battles with my miserable heart ! 
The power to say, " Oh, my Pygmalion, 
" My love is thine to hold or cast away, 
" Do with it as thou wilt ; it cannot die ! " 
I'd barter half my miserable life 
For power to say these few true words to him ! 

Myr. Why, then there's hope for him? 

Cyn. There's none indeed ! 

This day I'll leave his home and hide away 
Where I can brood upon my shame. I'll fan 
The smouldering fire of jealousy until 
It bursts into an all-devouring flame, 
And pray that I may perish in its glow ! 

Daph. That's bravely said, Cynisca ! Never fear ; 
Pygmalion will give thce wherewithal 
To nurture it. 

Cyn. {passionately'). I need not wherewithal ! 
I carry wherewithal within my heart ! 
Oh, I can conjure up the scene at will 
When he and she sit lovingly alone. 
I know too well the devilish art he works, 
And how his guilty passion shapes itself. 
I follow him through every twist and turn 
By which he wormed himself into my heart ; 
I hear him breathing to the guilty girl 
The fond familiar nothings of our love; 
I hear him whispering into her ear 
The tenderness that he rehearsed on me. 
1 follow him through all his well-known moods 



So PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

Now fierce and passionate, now fanciful ; 
And ever tuning his accursed tongue 
To chime in with the passion at her heart : 
Oh, never fear that I shall starve the flame ! 
When jealousy takes shelter in my heart, 
It does not die for lack of sustenance ! 

Daph. Come to my home, and thou shall feed it there ; 
We'll play at widows, and we'll pass our time 
Hailing against the perfidy of man. 

Cyn. ButChrysos? 

Daph. Chrysos ? Oh, you won't see him. 

Cyn. How so ? 

Daph. How so ? I've turned him out of doors ! 

Why, does the girl consider jealousy 
Her unassailable prerogative ? 
Thou hast thy vengeance on Pygmalion 
He can no longer feast upon thy face. 
Well, Chrysos can no longer feast on mine ! 
I can't put out his eyes (I wish I could !) 
But I can shut them out, and that I've done. 

Cyn. I thank you, madam, and I'll go with you. 

Myr. No, no ; thou shalt not leave Pygmalion ; 
He will not live if thou desertest him. 
Add nothing to his pain this second blow 
Might well complete the work thou hast begun ! 

Cyn. Nay, let me go I must not see his face ; 
For if I look on him I may relent. 
Detain me not, Myrine fare thee well ! 

[Exit CYNISCA, MYRINE follow?, her. 

Dapli. Well, there'll be pretty scenes in Athens now 
That statues may be vivified at will. 

(CHRYSOS enters unobserved.} 
Why, I have daughters all of them of age 
What chance is there for plain young women, now 
That every man may take a block of stone 
And carve a family to suit his tastes ? 

Chry. If every woman were a Daphne, man 
Would never care to look on sculptured stone ! 
Oh, Daphne ! 

Daph. Monster get you hence away ! 

I'll hold no converse with you, get you gone. 
(Aside.') If I'd Cynisca's tongue I'd wither him ! 
(Imitating CYNISCA.) " Oh, I can conjure up the scene at 
will 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 81 

" Where you and she sit lovingly alone ! 
" Oh, never fear that I will starve the flame : 
" When jealousy takes shelter in my heart, 
" It does not die for lack of sustenance ! " 

Chry. I'm sure of that ! your hospitality 
Is world-renowned. Extend it, love, to me! 
Oh, take me home again ! 

Daph. Home ? no, not I ! 

Why I've a gallery of goddesses, 
Fifty at least half-dressed bacchantes, too- 
Dryads and water-nymphs of every kind ; 
Suppose I find, when I go home to-day, 
That they've all taken it into their heads 
To come to life what would become of them, 
Or me, with Chrysos in the house ? No no, 
They're bad enough in marble but in flesh ! ! ! 
I'll sell the bold-faced hussies one and all, 
But till I've sold them, Chrysos stops outside ! 

Chry. What have I done ? 

Dapli. What have you njf done, sir ? 

Chry. I cannot tell you it would take too long ! 

Daph. I saw you sitting with that marble minx, 
Your arm pressed lovingly around her waist. 
Explain that, Chrysos. 

Chry. It explains itself: 

I am a zealous patron of the arts, 
And I am very fond of statuary. 

Daph. Bah I've artistic tastes as well as you. 
But still, you never saw me sitting with 
My arms around a stone Apollo's waist ! 
As for this " statue " could I see her now, 
I'd test your taste for fragments ! 

Chry. Spare the girl, 

She's very young and very innocent ; 
She claims your pity. 

Daph. Does she ? 

Chry. Yes, she does. 

If I saw Daphne sitting with her arm. 
Ivound an Apollo, I should pity him. 

Daph. (relenting). Would you ? 

Chry. I should, upon my word, I should. 

DapJi. Well, Chrysos, thou art pardoned. After all 
The circumstances were exceptional. 

Chry. (aside). Unhappily, they were 1 

a 



82 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

Dapli. Come home, but mind 

I'll sell my gallery of goddesses ; 
No good can come of animating stone. 

Chry. Oh, pardon me why every soul on earth 
Sprang from the stones Deucalion threw behind. 

Daph. But then Deucalion only threw the stones, 
He left it to the gods to fashion them. 

Chry. (aside looking at her). And we who've seen the 

work the gods turn out, 
Would rather leave it to Pygmalion ! 

Daph. (taking CHRYSOS' arm, who is looking at a statue 

of Venus.) 
Come along, do ! [Exeunt. 

Enter MYRINE, in great distress. 

Myr. Pygmalion's heard that he must lose his wife, 
And swears, by all the gods that reign above, 
He will not live if she deserts him now ! 
What what is to be done ? 

Enter GALATEA. 

Gal. Myrine here ! 

Where is Pygmalion ? 

Myr. Oh, wretched girl ! 

Art thou not satisfied with all the ill 
Thy heedlessness has worked, that thou art come 
To gaze upon thy victim's misery ? 
Well, thou hast come in time ! 

Gal. What dost thou mean ? 

Myr. Why this is what I mean he will not live 
Now that Cynisca has deserted him. 
Oh, girl, his blood will be upon thy head ! 

Gal. Pygmalion will not live ! Pygmalion die ! 
And I, alas, the miserable cause! 
Oh, what is to be done ? 

Myr. I do not know. 

And yet there is one chance, but one alone ; 
I'll see Cynisca, and prevail on her 
To meet Pygmalion but once again. 

Gal. (wildly). But should she come too late ? He may 

not live 
Till she returns. 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 83 

Nyr. I'll send him now to thee, 

And tell him that his wife awaits him here. 
He'll take thee for Cynisca ; when he speaks 
Answer thou him as if thou wast his wife. 

Gal. Yes, yes, I understand. 

Myr. Then I'll begone ; 

The gods assist thee in this artifice ! [Exit MYRINE. 

Gal. The gods will help me, for the gods are good. 
Oh, Heaven, in this great grief I turn to thee. 
Teach me to speak to him, us, ere I lived, 
Cynisca spake to him. Oh, let my voice 
Be to Pygmalion as Cynisca's voice, 
And he will live for her and not for me 
Yet he will live. I am the fountain head. 

Enter PYGMALION, unobserved, led ly MYUINB. 

Of all the horrors that surround him now, 
And it is fit that I should suffer this ; 
Grant this, my first appeal I do not ask 
Pygmalion's love ; I ask Pygmalion's life ! 

(PYGMALION utters an exclamation of joy. She rushes to 

him and seizes his hand.) 
Pygmalion ! 

Pyg. I have no words in which 

To tell the joy with which I heard that prayer, 
Oh, take me to thine arms, my dearly loved ! 
And teach me once again how much I risked 
In risking such a heaven-sent love as thine. 

Gal. (believing that he refers to her). Pygmalion ! my 

love ! Pygmalion ! 

Once more those words ! again ! say them again ! 
Tell me that thou forgivest me the ill 
That I unwittingly have worked on thee ! 

Pyg. Forgive thee ? Why, my wife, I did not dare 
To ask thy pardon, and thou askest mine. 
The compact with thy mistress Artemis 
Gave thee a Heaven-sent right to punish me, 
I've learnt to take whate'er the gods may send. 

(GALATEA, at first delighted, learns in the course of this 
speech that PYGMALION takes her for CYNISCA, and 
expresses extreme anguish.) 

Gal. (with an effort). But then, this woman, Galatea 
Pyg. Well? 



84 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

Gal. Thy love for her is dead ? 

Pyg. I had no love. 

Gal. Thou haclst no love ? 

Pyg. No love. At first, in truth, 

In mad amazement at the miracle 
That crowned my handiwork, and brought to life 
The fair creation of my sculptor's skill, 
I yielded to her god-sent influence, 
For I had worshipped her before she lived, 
Because she called Cynisca's face to me ; 
But when she lived that love died, word by word. 

Gal. That is well said : thou dost not love her then ? 
She is no more to thee than senseless stone ? 

Pyg. Speak not of her, Cynisca, for I swear 

Enter CYNISCA, unobserved. 

The unhewn marble of Pentelicus 

Hath charms for me, which she, in all her glow 

Of womanly perfection, could not match. 

Gal. I'm very glad to hear that this is so. 
Thou art forgiven! (Kisses his forehead.) 

Pyg. Thou hast pardoned me, 

And though the law of Artemis declared 
Thy pardon should restore to me the light 
Thine anger took away, I would be blind, 
I would not have mine eyes lest they should rest 
On her who caused me all this bitterness ! 

Gal. Indeed, Pygmalion 'twere better thus 
If thou couldst look on Galatea now, 
Thy love for her, perchance, might come again ! 

Pyg. No, no. 

Gal. They say that she endureth pains 

That mock the power of words ! 

Pyg. It should be so ! 

Gal. Hast thou no pity for her ? 

Pyg. No, not I. 

The ill that she hath worked on thee on me 
And on Myrine surely were enough 
To make us curse the hour that gave her life. 
She is not fit to live upon this world ! 

Gal. (bitterly). Upon this worthy world, thou sayest 

well, 
The woman shall be seen of thee no more. 



PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 85 

(Takes CYNISCA'S hand and leads her to PYG.) 
What wouldst thou with her now ? Thou hast thy ivife ! 
(She substitutes CYNISCA, and retires, weeping. CYNISCA 
takes him to her arms and kisses him. He recovers 
his sight.) 

Pyy. Cynisca ! sec ! the light of day is mine ! 
Once more I look upon thy well-loved face ! 

Enter MYBINE and LEUOIPPE. 

Leuc. Pygmalion ! Thou hast thine eyes again 
Come this is happiness indeed ! 

Pyg. And thou ! 

Myrine has recalled thee ? 

Leuc. No, I came, 

But more in sorrow than in penitence ; 
For Pve a hardened and a blood-stained heart ! 
I thought she would denounce me to the law, 
But time, I found, had worked a wondrous change 
The very girl, who half a day ago 
Had cursed me for a ruthless murderer, 
Not only pardoned me my infamy, 
But absolutely hugged me with delight, 
When she, with hungry and unpitying eyes, 
Beheld my victim at the kitchen fire ! 
The little cannibal ! 

Enter GALATEA. 

Pyg. Away from me, 

Woman or statue ! Thou the only bligat 
That ever fell upon my love begone, 
For thou hast been the curse of all who fell 
Within the compass of thy waywardness ! 

Cyn. No, no recall those words, Pygmalion, 
Thou knowest not all. 

Gal. Nay let me go from him 

That curse his curse still ringing in mine ears, 
For life is bitterer tome than death. 

(She mounts the steps of pedestal.) 
Farewell, Pygmalion ! Farewell ! Farewell ! 

(The curtains conceal her.) 

Cyn. Thou art unjust to her as I to thee ! 
Tiers was the voice that pardoned thee not mine. 



86 PYGMALION AND GALATEA. 

I knew no pity till she taught it me. 
I heard the words she spoke, and little thought 
That they would find an echo in my heart ; 
But so it was. I took them for mine own, 
And asking for thy pardon, pardoned thee ! 
Pyg. (amazed^ Cynisca ! Is this so ? 
Cyn. In truth it is ! 

Gal. (behind curtain). Farewell, Pygmalion ! Farewell ! 

Farewell ! 

(PYGMALION rushes to the veil and tears it away, 
discoverir/g GALATEA as a statue on the pedestal, 
as in Act I.) 



CHARITY. 

A PLAY, 
IN FOUR ACTS. 



DRAMATIS PERSONS. 

DR. ATHELNEY, a Colonial Bishop-Elect ... Mu. CHIXTENDALE. 

TED ATHELNEY, his son, aged 38 MR. TEESDALE. 

MR. SMAILEY, a Country Gentleman, aged 60 MR. HOWE. 

FRED SMAILEY, his son, aged 22 MR. KENDAL. 

MR. FITZ-PARTINGTON, a Private Inquiry 

Officer MR. BUCKSTONE. 

BUTLER MR. CLARK. 

FOOTMAN MR. JAMES. 

MRS. VAN BRUGH, a widow, aged 35 Miss M. ROBERTSON. 

(MRS. KENDAL.) 

EVE, her daughter, aged 17 ... Miss AMY ROSELLE. 

RUTH TREDGETT, a tramp, aged 37 Miss WOOLGAR. 

(MRS. A. MELLON.) 



ACTS I. AND II. 
BOUDOIR IN MRS. VAN BKUGH'S COUNTRY HOUSE. 

ACT III. 
EOOM IN MR. SMAILEY'S HOUSE. 

ACT IV. 
LIBRARY AT DR. ATHELNEY'S. 

ew days' interval between each Act.'] 



CHARITY. 

ACT I. 

SCENE : A pretty boudoir in MRS. VAN BRUGH'S country -house. 

EVE discovered with FREDERICK ; FREDERICK on chair, EVE 

on footstool. 

Fred, (dictating to EVE, ivho writes in a memorandum look 
at his feet). Let me see. Three hundred oranges, six hundred 
buns, thirty gallons of tea, twelve large plum cakes. So much 
for the school-children's bodies. As for their minds 

Eve. Oh, we've taken great care of their minds. In the first 
place, the amateur minstrels from Locroft are coming, with 
some lovely part songs. 

Fred. Part songs. Come, that's well. Dr. Watts ? 

Eve. Oh dear, no. Doctors Moore and Burgess ! Much 
jollier. (He shakes his head gravely.) Then we have a magic 
lantern. Here are the views. (Handing them.) 

Fred, (examining them). A person on horseback, galloping 
at full speed. Here he is again. Probably the flight of 
Xerxes. 

Eve. No the flight of John Gilpin. 

Fred. Very trivial, Eve dear ; very trivial. 

Eve. Oh, but it will amuse them much more than the flight 
of Xerxes. 

Fred, (gravely). My dear Eve, is this giddiness quite con- 
sistent with the nature of the good work before us? 

Eve. Mayn't one be good and jolly too ? 

Fred. Scarcely. Grave work should be undertaken gravely, 
and with a sense of responsibility. 

Eve. But I don't call a school feast grave work. 

Fred. All work is grave when one has regard to the issues 
that may come of it. This school feast, trivial as it may seem 



90 CHARITY. 

to you this matter of buns and big plum cakes may be 
productive, for instance, of much of much 

Eve. Indigestion ? That's grave indeed ! (lie seems an- 
noyed.} There, I'm very sorry I teased you, dear old boy ; but 
you look at everything from such a serious point of view. 

Fred. Am I too serious? Perhaps I am. And yet in my 
quiet undemonstrative way I am very happy. 

Eve. If you are not happy dear, who should be ? 

Fred. Yes, Eve, who indeed ! {Kisses her.} 

Eve. I did not mean that. There is very little in me to 
make such a man as you happy, unless it be the prospect of 
making me as good and earnest as yourself a poor prospect, 
I'm afraid, for I'm a very silly little girl. 

Fred. At least I will try. 

Eve. Begin now ; tell me of my faults. 

Fred. No, no ; that would be a very ungrateful task. 

Eve. Oh, if you neglect all tasks that are not pleasant you 
are too like me to allow of my hoping to learn anything of 
you. 

Fred. Very aptly put, Eve. Well, then, you are too giddy, 
and too apt to laugh when you should sigh. 

Eve. Oh, but I am naturally rather jolly. Mamma has 
taught me to be so. Mamma's views are so entirely opposed to 
yours. 

Fred. Yes ; I am deeply sorry for it. If it were not so, 
perhaps Mrs. Van Brugh would like me better. 

Eve. Mamma does like you, dear. She thinks you arc very 
grave and precise and methodical, but I am sure she likes 
you or why did she consent to our engagement ? 

Fred. Because she loves you so well that she has the heart 
to thwart you in nothing. She is an admirable woman good, 
kind charitable beyond measure beloved, honoured, and 
courted by all 

Eve. The best woman in the world ! 

Fred. But she does not understand me. Well, time will 
work a change, and I must be content to wait. 

Enter SERVANT. 

Servant. Mr. Edward Athelney, miss, is in the drawing room. 

Eve. Dear me, how tiresome. 

Fred, (calmly}. Miss Van Brugh is not at home. 

Eve (astonished'). Oh, Frederick, I am ! 

[Exit SERVANT. 



CHARITY. 91 

Fred. Well, yes, of course in one sense, you certainly are. 
But being engaged upon a good work, with, which an interrup- 
tion would seriously interfere, you may be said metaphorically, 
of course, and for the purposes of this particular case to be, to 
a certain extent, out. 

Eve (puzzled). I arn quite sure I am at home, dear, in every 
possible sense of the word. You don't dislike Edward, do 
you? 

Fred. You know very well that I dislike no one. 

Eve. I'm sure of that. You love all men. 

Fred. No doubt, Eve, I love all men. But you will under- 
stand that I love some men less than others; and, although 
I love Edward Athelney very much indeed, I love him, per- 
haps, less than anybody else in the world. 

Eve. But this is quite astonishing ! Has Ted Athelney a 
fault? What is it? Come, sir, name one fault if you can. 
And mind, he's rny big brother, or as good, so be careful. 

Fred. " Frater nascitur non fit." 

Eve. Oh! 

Fred. I don't believe in your amateur brother. With every 
desire to confine himself to the duties of the character ho 
undertakes, he is nevertheless apt to overlook the exact point 
where the brother ends and the lover begins. 

Eve (puzzled). The lover ! 

Fred. The brother by birth keeps well within bounds, but 
the amateur treads so often on the border line that in time it 
becomes obliterated and the functions merge. 

Eve. Ted Athelney a lover of mine ! Oh, that's too absurd. 
Ted Athelney that great, clumsy, middle-aged, awkward, 
good-natured, apple-faced man, a lover of anybody's, and, least 
of all, of mine! Why he's forty! Oh, it's shocking it's 
horrible ! I won't hear anything so dreadful of any one I love 
so much. 

Fred. You admit that you love him ? 

Eve. Oh, yes, I love him but I don't LOVE him. (Nestliny 
ayainst FEED.) Don't you understand the difference ? 

Fred. I don't like his calling you Eve. 

Eve. Why you wouldn't have him oh, you never could 
want Ted Athelney to call me Miss Van Brugh ? 

Fred. Then he kisses you. 

Eve. Of course he docs, dear. Kisses me ? So does 
mamma ! 

Fred. No doubt, but there's some difference. 

Eve. A difference! What difference? 



92 CHARITY. 

Fred. This, if no other : that I object to the one and don't 
object to the other. (Turns away.) 

Eve (disappointed}. Then I'm not to kiss Ted Athelney any 
more. 

Enter TED ATHELNEY. 

Ted. Well, Eve, old lady, here I am, back again well and 
hearty. 

Eve. Ted, stand back ; I'm not to kiss you. 

Ted. Eh? Why not ? 

Eve. It's wrong. Isn't it ? (To FRED.) 

Fred. I'm sorry you think it necessary to ask thb- question. 

Eve. There, Ted. Only think of the wrong we've been doing 
for years and years, and never knew it ! 

Ted. But who told you it was wrong. Not conscience, I'll be 
sworn. 

Eve. No ; that's the worst of it. There's something wrong 
with my conscience ; it doesn't seem to be up to its work. 
From some motive mistaken politeness, perhaps it declines 
to assert itself. Awful, isn't it ? 

Ted. Come, something's happened during my absence in 
town ; tell me what it is. 

Eve. Something of a tremendous nature has happened ! Ted 
Athelney, I mustn't call you Ted Athelney any longer ! 

Ted. What? 

Eve. And I mustn't let you kiss me, because I'm going to be 
married. 

Ted. Married ! (Starting.) 

Eve. Yes. 

Ted. To ? (Indicating FREDERICK.) 

Eve. Yes. (He is much agitated.) Won't you tell me that 
you are glad to hear it ? 

Ted (after a pause). Yes, Eve, I'm glad of anything that 
makes you happy. It has come upon me very suddenly. I 
never thought of your getting married. I was a great ass, for 
it must have come about some time or other, and why not 
now ? and it must have been to some fellow, and why not 
Fred Smailey ? God bless you, Eve. I must get it well into 
my mind before I can talk about it, and mine is a mind that 
takes a good deal of getting at. I hope and believe that you 
will be happy. (She retires.) Fred, old man 

(Goes to FRED; takes his hand and tries to speak, but in 
vain.) 



CHARITY. 93 



Enter MRS. VAN BHUGH. 

Mrs. V. B. Well, I've done for myself now ; go away from 
me ; I'm a pariah, an outcast ; don't, for goodness' sake, be 
seen talking with me. 

Eve. Why, mamma dear, what on earth have you been 
doing ? 

Mrs. V. B. Doing ? Listen and shudder ! I've put a 
dissenter into my almshouses ! (Sits at talle.) 

Fred, (rising.) A Dissenter? 

Mrs. V. B. A real live Dissenter. Isn't it awful ! 

Fred. No, awful is too strong a term ; but I think it was a 
very, very sad mistake. 

Mrs. V. B. A thousand thanks for your toleration I shall 
never forget it. The village is outraged they have stood my 
eccentricities long enough. It was bad enough when I put a 
Roman Catholic in, but in consideration of the almshouses 
being my own they were good enough to swallow the Roman 
Catholic. Then came a Jew well, the village was merciful, 
and with a few wry faces they swallowed even the Jew. But 
a Dissenter! The line must be drawn somewhere, and high 
and low church are agreed that it must be drawn at dissenters. 
The churchwardens look the other way when I pass. The 
clerk's religious zeal causes him to turn into the " Red Cow," 
rather than touch his hat to me, and even the dirty little boys 
run after me shouting " No Popery " at the top of their voices, 
though I'm sure I don't sec how it applies. 

Fred. But, my dear Mrs. Van Brugh, you mean well I'm 
sure but a Jew, a Catholic, and a Dissenter ! is there no such 
thing as a starving Churchman to be found ? 

Mrs. V. B. There are but too many starving men of all 
denominations, but while I'm hunting out the Churchman, the 
Jew, the Catholic, and the Dissenter will perish, and that would 
never do, would it ? 

Fred. That is the Christianity of Impulse. I would feed 
him that belonged to my own church, and if he did not belong 
to it, I would not feed him at all. 

Mrs. V. B. That is the Christianity of Religious Politics. 
As to these poor people, they will shake down and agree very 
well in time. Nothing is so conducive to toleration as the 
knowledge that one's bread depends upon it. It applies to all 
conditions of life, from almshouses to Happy Families. Where 
are you going ? 



94 CHARITY. 

Eve. We arc going down to the school to see the cakes and 
oranges and decorations 

Fred, (seriously}. And to impress upon the children the 
danger of introducing inharmonious elements upon their little 
almshouses. 

Mrs. V. B. Well, I hope you'll be more successful with them 
than with me. Their case is much more critical than mine, I 
assure you. (Exeunt EVE and FEED. MRS. VAN BRUGH sees 
EDWARD, wlio is sitting at back, with his head between his 
ha?ids.) Why, who's this? Edward Athelney, returned at 
last to his disconsolate village? Go away, sir don't come 
near me you're a reprobate you've been in London ten days 
and nobody to look after you. Give an account of yourself. 
It's awful to think of the villainy a thoroughly badly disposed 
young man can get through in ten days in London, if I'm not 
there to look after him come, sir, all your crimes, please, in 
alphabetical order now then, A Arson. Any arson? No? 
Quite sure? Come now, that's something Then we go to 
Burglary? Bigamy? No Bigamy? Come, it's not as bad as 
I 'thought. Why (seeing that he looks very wretched), what 
on earth is the matter why, my poor Ted what is distressing 
you ? I never saw you look so wretched in my life ! 

Ted. Oh ! Mrs. Van Brugh, I'm awfully unhappy ! 

Mrs. V. B. My poor old friend tell me all about it. 

Ted. It's soon told Mrs. Van Brugh, you have a daughter, 
who's the best and loveliest girl I ever saw in my life. 

Mrs. V. B. (pause}. My poor Edward ! 

Ted. Did did you know that I that I was like this ? 

Mrs. V. B. No ! no ! no ! 

Ted. Nor I, it came on me like a thunderclap my love for 
that little girl has grown as imperceptibly as my age has grown 
I've taken no note of either till now when I rub my eyes 
and find that I love her dearly, and that I'm eight and 
thirty ! 

Mrs. V. B. But, surely you know you must have heard 

Ted. Yes, yes, I've just heard Fred Smailey's a lucky 
fellow, and he deserves his luck. 

Mrs. V. B. Perhaps. I don't know. I don't like Fred 
Smailey. 

Ted (amazed}. You don't like Smailey ? 

Mrs. V. B. No, I don't, and I'm afraid I show it. My dear 
old friend, it would have made me very happy to have seen 
you married to Eve, but he was first in the field, and she loves 
him. At first I wouldn't hear of it but she fell ill might 



CHARITY. 95 

have died well, I'm her mother, and 1 love her, and I gave in. 
I know nothing against him. 

Ttd. Oh, Fred Smailey's a good fellow, a thorough good 
fellow. You do him an injustice, indeed you do; I never knew 
a man with such a sense of gratitude it's perfectly astonishing. 
Eeniember how he gave me that splendid collie, when I pulled 
him out of the ice, last February, and how in return for my 
lending him money to pay his college debts, he got his father 
to let me shoot over Eushout no no if Fred Smailey has a 
fault, he's too good for this world. 

Mrs. V. B. Is he ? at all events he's too solemn. 

Ted. Here's the dad coming he mustn't see me like this. 
Good-bye, Mrs. Van Brugh. You won't speak of this to any 
one, I know not that I've reason to be ashamed of it, but it'll 
pain Eve and Fred too. I'll bear up, never fear, and Eve shall 
never know after all her happiness is the great end, and, so 
that it's brought about, what matter whether Fred or I do it, 
so that it's done. It's Fred's job, not mine' better luck for 
him, worse luck for me. [Exit. 

Mrs. V. B. Poor fellow ! There goes a heart of gold with a 
head of cotton-wool ! Oh, Eve, Eve, my dear, I'm very sad for 
you! Is it head or heart that makes the best husband? 
Better that baby-hearted simpleton than the sharpest Smailey 
that ever stepped ! I'm very unjust. Heaven knows that I, 
of all women in this world, should be slow to judge. But my 
dislike to that man, to his family, to everything that relates to 
him, is intuitive. However, the mischief, if mischief there be, 
is done ; I'll make the best of it. 



Enter DR. ATHELNEY, very hurriedly. 

Dr. A. My dear Mrs. Van Brugh, I come, without a moment's 
loss of time, to thank you in my late curate Twemlow's name 
for your great kindness in presenting him to the Crabthorpe 
living. He has a wife and four children, and is nearly mad 
with joy and gratitude. I've brought you his letter. 

Mrs. V. B. I won't read it, doctor. I can't bear gratitude ; 
it makes my eyes red. Take it away. I am only too glad to 
have helped a struggling and deserving man. Now, I'm very 
glad you've come, because I want to consult you on a business 
matter of some importance. 

Dr. A. My dear Mrs. Van Brugh, I have been the intellectual 
head of this village for fifty-three years, and nobody ever yet 



96 CHARITY. 

paid me the compliment of consulting me on a matter of 
business. 

Mrs. V. B. Then I've no doubt I'm going to hit upon a 
neglected mine of commercial sagacity ! 

Dr. A. It's very possible. I was second wrangler of my year. 

Mrs. V. B. I told you last night of Eve's engagement. Well, 
old Mr. Smailey has sent me a note to say that he will call on 
me to-morrow week to talk over the settlement I propose to 
make on the occasion of my darling's marriage with his son. 
Now, doctor, look as wise as you can, and tell me what I ought 
to do. 

Dr. A. Well, in such a case I should be very world]}''. I 
think, my dear, I should prepare a nice little luncheon, with a 
bottle of that Amontillado, and then, having got him quietly 
and cozily tete-a-tete, I should ask him what lie proposes to do. 

Mrs. V. B. Very good indeed, doctor. Upon my word, for a 
colonial bishop-elect, that's not bad. But, unfortunately, I've 
already ascertained that he proposes to do nothing. All his 
money is tied up. 

Dr. A. Oh, is it indeed? Bless me! Tied up, is it? And 
may I ask, what do you understand by that expression ? 

Mrs. V. B. Well, in round terms, it's his, but he mustn't 
spend it. Do you understand ? 

Dr. A. Oh, yes. When I was a boy my uncle gave me a 
guinea on those terms. 

Mrs. V. B. Now come, doctor dear, the young people look 
to me, and, when one is looked to, one should be equal to the 
emergency. What would you advise me to do ? 

Dr. A. Your property is not, I suppose, tied up ? 

Mrs. V. B. No ; it is quite unfettered, and consists principally 
of long leaseholds and funded property, left me by my god- 
father, and a small sum of money acquired by Captain Van 
Brugh on his first marriage. 

Dr. A. His first marriage ! Bless me, I never knew he had 
been married before. 

Mrs. V. B. Yes (much agitated}, a most unhappy match. 
She left him under discreditable circumstances went to 
Australia resumed her maiden name, and, under that name, 
died in Melbourne. 

Dr. A. And when did this unhappy lady die ? 

Mrs. V. B. (still agitated). Oh ! years ago It's a terrible 
story. I don't like to think of it I can't bear to talk of it. 

Dr. A. (aside). What a blundering old savage I am ! If 
there is a pitfall open, ten to one I tumble into it ! (Aloud.) 



CHARITY. 97 

I have always understood that where marriage settlements of 
any consideration are concerned, it is customary to employ a 
solicitor. I can't quote my authority, but I feel sure that I am 
right. 

Mrs. V. 5. Old Mr. Smailcy is an executor under Captain 
Van Brugh's will, and his solicitor has always acted for me. 

Dr. A. His solicitor! what, that queer little red-faced fellow 
who accompanies him everywhere ? 

Mrs. V. B. No. Ha ! ha ! ha ! I suppose Mr. Fitz-Partington 
is a junior partner, or head clerk, or something of the kind at 
all events, his name doesn't appear in the firm. 

Dr. A. Well, leave it to me, Mrs. Van Brugh, and I'll write 
to my brother, the Vice-Chancellor, who will tell us what to do. 
Now I'm off. {Noise without.) "Why what's this ? Bless 
me, Mrs. Van Brugh, what is the cause of this commotion ? 

(Noise heard without, as of people struggling with a ivoman, 
luho rudely expostulates with them.) 

Mrs. V. B. Why, what in the world is the matter ? 

Enter three or four Servant-men with RUTH TREDGETT in 
custody. She is wild-lookiny and dishevelled, as if she had 
been struggling violently. 

Groom. We've got her, ma'am. Don't be afraid. (To RUTH.) 
Stand quiet, you jade, will yer ? Woa, there ! We've got her, 
sir, but we've had a desperate hard job to do it. 

Dr. A. What has been done ? 

Groom. She's knocked two teeth clean out of my head, sir, 
and give notice to quit to a dozen more. 

Dr. A. We will hear your grievance presently. What has 
this woman done that she is brought here ? 

All. Done, sir, why 

But. (with dignity to the others). If you please! (To Mrs. 
VAN BRUGH.) Ma'am, Edwards found this 'ere woman creepin' 
out of my pantry, ma'am, on all fours. 

Dr. A. On what? 

But. On her hands and knees, like a quadruped, sir. 

Dr. A. Have you searched her ? 

But. (shocked). No, sir, I have not searched her. 

Dr. A. Well, well, I mean has she been searched ? 

But. (with dignity). I put my hand in her pocket, sir, and I 
looked under her shawl. 

Dr. A. Well, you didn't search her, but you put your hand 

ii 



9 8 CHARITY. 

in her pocket, and you looked under her shawl. What did you 
find there ? 

But. A decanter of sherry, sir. (Producing it.) 

Dr. A. (to Mrs. V. B.). Your sherry, Mrs. Van Brugli ? 

But. Our sherry, Dr. Athelney. 

Dr. A. Well, you hear what this man says; did you take 
this wine ? 

Euth. Ay, I took it, sure enough. 

Dr. A. Why did you take it ? 

JRutk. Why, to drink, of course. Why should I take it ? 

Dr. A. You shouldn't take it. 

Euth. Don't you never take wine ? 

Dr. A. Not other people's wine except, of course, with their 
permission. 

Euth. Maybe you've got a cellar of your own. 

Dr. A. Maybe I have. 

Euth. Well, maybe / haven't. That's my answer. 

Dr. A. Now, what are we to do with her ? 

Mrs. V. B. Leave her to me. Dr. Athelney, please remain 
here with me. Every one else, except the woman, leave the 
room. 

But. She's a desperate character, ma'am ; it took six of us, 
including me, to bring her here. 

Mrs. V. B. Never mind. Dr. Athelney and I will see her 
alone. Take your hands from her and go. 

But. Hadn't we better keep within hearing ? If help was 
wanted 

Mrs. V. B. No help will be wanted. I am in earnest. Go. 
Shut the door. (The SERVANTS reluctantly depart.) 

Euth. You're a cool hand, missis ; ain't you afeard on me ? 

Mrs. V. B. Not at all. Why should I be afraid of you ? 
I mean you no harm. 

Euth. Who's he? 

Mrs. V. B. Dr. Athelney, a clergyman and a magistrate. 

Euth. Beak, is he ? Well, let him make out the committal. 
Where's it to be ? Sessions ? 

Mrs. V. B. We have no wish to prosecute you. We wish to 
help you to arrive at a sense of right and wrong. 

Euth. Can't it be done without a parson ? I dunno much 
good o' parsons. I'd rather it was done without a parson. 

Dr. A. (kindly). Don't think of me as a clergyman, if that 
.calling is distasteful to you. Perhaps some day we may succeed 
in overcoming your prejudice. In the mean time, think of me 
as a harmless -old gentleman, who is willing and able to 



CHARITY. 99 

help you to earn your living respectably, if you desire to 
do so. 

Ruth. Ah, I've come across the likes o' you afore now. 
Three weeks agone comes a parson, as it might be you. " I've 
come to help you, poor fallen creetur," says he ; " I've come to 
tell you blessed truths, poor miserable outcast," says he. " Read 
that, wretched lost sheep," says he. " I'll call again in a month 
and see how you feel," says he. A month ! Heugh ! When 
I was bad with fever the doctor come every day. lie never 
come no more. There's ladies come odd times. I call to mind 
one come in a carriage she did. Same story poor, miserable, 
lost one wretched, abandoned fellow-creetur, and that. She 
called me a brand from the burnin', and wanted to stretch out a 
hand to save me, she did. Well, she stretched it out, and I 
thought she meant it (for I was green then), and, fool-like, I 
took it, and kissed it. She screeched as tho' I'd bit her I 

Mrs. V. B. Will you take my hand ? 

Ruth (astonished). Do you know what I am ? 

Mrs. V. B. Yes ; I know well what you arc. You are a 
woman who wants help, and I a woman who will help you. 
(Taking her hand.) 

Ruth (much moved). Thankee, missis! you've spoke fair to 
me. I've had no one speak like that to me for many a long 
year. Thankee, missis. (Struggling with tears.) Don't mind 
me. (Throws her apron over her face and sobs.) They 'will 
come odd times ! 

Mrs. V. B. Will you tell me your name ? 

Ruth. Ruth Tredgett. I come from Cambridge. 

Dr. A. Born there ? 

Ruth. I dunno as I was born there, but I come from there. 

Dr. A. What are you ? 

Ruth. I s'posc I'm a thief. I s'pose I'm what gentlefolks 
thinks is wus than a thief. God help me ! I s'posc I'm as bad 
as I can be. ( Weeping.) 

Mrs. V. B. Are your parents alive ? 

Ruth. No, I never had no father my mother was such as 
me. See here, lady. Wot's to become of a gal whose mother 
was such as me ? Mother ! Why, I could swear afore I could 
walk ! 

Dr. A. But were you not brought up to any calling ? 

Ruth. Yes, sir, I were ; I were brought up to be a thief. 
Every soul as I knowed was a thief, and the best thief was the 
best thought on. Maybe a kid not long born ought to have 
knowed better. I dunno, I must ha' been born bad, for it 



ioo CHARITY. 

seemed right enough to me. Well, it was in prison and out o' 
prison three months here and six months there till I was 
sixteen. I sometimes thinks as if they'd bin half as ready to 
show me how to go right as they was to punish me for goin' 
wrong, I might have took the right turnin' and stuck to it afore 
this. At sixteen I got seven year for shop-liftin', and was sent 
out to Port Philip. I soon got a ticket and tried service and 
needlework, but no one wouldn't have me ; and I got sick and 
tired of it all, and began to think o' putting a end to it, when I 
met a smooth-spoken chap a gentleman, if you please as 
wanted to save me from the danger afore me. Well, wot odds ? 
lie was a psalm-singing villain, and he soon left me. No need 
to tell the rest to such as you it can't be told. I'm 'most as 
bad as I can be as bad as I can be ! 

Mrs. V. B. I think not; I think not. What do you say, 
Doctor ? 

Dr. A. (struggling' with his tears). Say, ma'am? I say that 
you, Euth Tredgett, have been a most discreditable person, and 
you ought to be heartily ashamed of yourself, Ruth Tredgett ; 
and as a clergyman of the Church of England I feel bound to 
tell you that that your life has been has been what God 
knows it couldn't well have helped being under the circum- 
stances. 

Mrs. V. B. Ruth Tredgett, I am very, very sorry for you. 
If you are willing to leave this unhappy course of life I will 
provide you with the means of earning your living honestly. 

Ruth. Honestly ! Why, lady, I'm too fur gone for that ! 

Mrs. V. B. I hope not. I have assisted many, very many 
such women as yourself, and I have seldom found my efforts 
wasted. 

Ruth. But you a lady, high-born, high-bred, beautiful, rich, 
good (In amazement.) 

Mrs. V. B. Hush. (Rises.) No matter what lam. (With 
emotion.) Who shall say what the very best of us might not 
have been but for the accident of education and good example ? 
Tell me, Ruth Tredgett, will you accept my offer? 

Rutk (kneds at her feet and looks up into her face). I will! 



CHARITY. 10 1 



ACT II. 

SCENE : same as in ACT I. 
Enter MR. SMAILEY and Servant. 

Mr. S. (very gently'). Will you have the goodness to tell 
Mrs. Van Brugli that Mr. Smailey is here to see her, by ap- 
pointment? 

Serv. Mr. Smailey, sir? Yes, sir. (Got ??</.) 

Enter MR. FITZ-PARTINGTON. 

Fitz. (stopping SERVANT). And his solicitor. 

Mr. S. (with mild sternness}. You have followed me again, 
sir? 

Fitz. Followed you again, sir ; according to contract. 

Mr. S. There is no contract between us that entitles you to 
dog my footsteps as though you were hunting down a thief. 

Fitz. Hunting down a thief? Oh yes. To enable me to 
assist you in blighting the character of the best and loveliest 
woman that ever shed a light upon a private detective's thorny 
path, I am to have the free run of your house and papers ; I 
am to accompany you wherever you go, and you are to intro- 
duce me everywhere as your solicitor. 

Mr. S. Sir, you are not the least like a solicitor. You are a 
ridiculously dressed person. You are like nothing in the world 
but what you are a private detective. I desire to press hardly 
on no fellow-creature, but you are a spy ! that base and utter- 
ably abject thing a spy ! 

Fitz. Mr. Smailey, when you complain that you find my 
society irksome, you have my profoundest sympathy ; I find it 
so myself. When you revile my profession, my sentiments are 
entirely in accord, for I have the very poorest opinion of it. 
But when you imply that I don't look the character I under- 
take to represent, why, then, sir, you touch the private detective 
on the most sensitive part of his moral anatomy. I'm not a 
blameless character, but if I undertook to personate the Arch- 
bishop of Canterbury I believe I should look the part, and 
my conversation would be found to be in keeping with the 
character. 



102 CHARITY. 

Mr. S. Pray, dlence ; oh, pray, pray, silence. You shock 
me inexpressibly. It is most painful to me to have to resort 
to your assistance. My son, my dear son, has engaged himself 
to marry Mrs. Van Brugh's daughter. I have lately had reason 
to believe that there is something discreditable in Mrs. Van 
Brugh's marriage relations, though I do not know its precise 
nature. You tell me that you have a certain clue to this flaw, 
though you decline to tell me what it is until your proofs are 
matured. Well, sir, the Smaileys are a very old and very 
famous family. Caius Smaileius came over with Julius Ca3sar : 
his descendants have borne an untarnished scutcheon for eigh- 
teen hundred years. In its interest I am bound to employ you, 
and upon your own most exacting terms, though I cannot think 
of your contemptible calling without a feeling of the most 
profound abhorrence. 

Fitz. Sir, I am heartily ashamed of it. 

Mr. S. You are a professional impostor ; a hired lie. 

Fitz. It is too true. I not only lie myself, but I am the 
cause of lying in others. 

Mr. S. For the lies that have to be told in accounting for 
you I hold you entirely responsible. I wish that to be under- 
stood. I wash my hands of them altogether ; and, when T 
think of the deep, deliberate, and utterly indefensible false- 
hoods that I have had to utter on your behalf, I tremble for 
your future I tremble for your future. 

Fitz. Unselfish man. 

Mr. S. As for the preposterous terms you have dictated 

Fitz. Terms ! I have ensured to myself the unbroken en- 
joyment of your desirable society for six weeks ; and believe 
me, when I say that if I had been acquainted with the in- 
expressible charms of the most fascinating woman that ever 
shed a light upon the private detective's thorny path, I 
wouldn't have undertaken the job, no, not even for a lifetime 
of your society ! 

Enter MRS. VAN BRUGII. 

Mrs. V. B. Good morning, Mr. Smailey. I am sorry to have 
kept you waiting. (Aside.) That absurd little man with him 
again. (Aloud.) Good morning, Mr. 

Fitz. Fitz-Partington. 

Mrs. V. B. Fitz-Partington, of course. 

Fitz. (aside). She might remember my name. I can't con- 
ceive any circumstances under which I could forget hers ! 

Mr. 8. Mr. Fitz-Partington is entirely in my confidence. I 



CHARITY. 103 

brought him, because I believed that his familiarity with legal 
forms might assist us in our interview. You can speak without 
reserve before Mr. Fitz-Partington. (Aside to FITZ.) A lie, 
sir ! Another lie, from first to last! 

Mrs. V. B. I suppose the facts will come before Mr. Fitz- 
Partington when they are decided on. The steps by which 
they are arrived at will only bore him. I'm sure Mr. Fitz- 
Partington won't be angry with me, when I ask him to amuse 
himself in the next room until preliminaries are arranged. 

Fitz. Mrs. Van Brugh, I have made it a part of my moral 
code to step without hesitation into any apartment you may 
think fit to indicate. [Exit. 

Mrs. V. B. Now, Mr. Smailey, about these settlements. I 
will tell you at once what I propose to do. My income is, as 
you know, a very large one much larger than any one would 
suppose who judges from the cpuietncss of my mode of life. I 
am an odd woman, and I spend my money in my own way. 
I have very many claims upon it, and, although I wish to deal 
handsomely with my darling Eve, I must not disappoint those 
who have counted upon me for some years past. To come to 
the point, I propose to settle my Buckinghamshire farm upon 
her, on the usual terms of a marriage settlement. I don't 
know the technical expression but on the usual terms. 

Mr. S. The Buckinghamshire farm, yes. Thank you. I 
forget whether that is the leasehold or the freehold farm, for 
you have two. 

Mrs. V. B. You mustn't ask me. Your solicitor knows. 
It's worth 500 a year, and that, I suppose, is the main point. 

Mr. S. Not altogether ; the difference in value may be pro- 
digious. Have you a copy of the will ? 

Mrs. V. B. No. I never saw the will. 

Mr. S. Never saw the will ? I think I have a copy of it at 
home with your permission I will go and fetch it, and the 
matter can be decided at once. 

Mrs. V. B. Do, by all means. I only know that my pro- 
perty is all my own, and that I can do what I like with it ; 
and I assure you, Mr. Smailey, I avail myself of the privilege. 

Mr. S. You do indeed. And that reminds me, Mrs. Van 
Brugh, that I am anxious to speak to you on another topic a 
topic of a singularly painful character. I will endeavour, Mrs. 
Van Brugh, to approach it as delicately as possible. 

Mrs. V. B. Indeed! (Alarmed.) You rouse my curiosity, 
Mr. Smailey. Does it docs it refer in any way to myself? 

Mr. &. Directly to yourself. 



104 CHARITY. 

Mrs. V. B. (much alarmed). May I ask in what way ? 

Mr. S. As I said before, it is a most difficult subject to ap- 
proach, and I would willingly spare you. Give me a moment 
to think how I can best put it to you. 

Mrs. V. B. Pray have no hesitation in telling me what it is. 
(With half -disguised emotion.} Does it does it refer in any 
way to my to my past life, for instance ? ( With affected cheer- 
fulness.} 

Mr. S. It does refer to incidents in your past life. To many 
incidents in general, and to one incident in particular. 

Mrs. V. B. For Heaven's sake, sir, be explicit. Speak out, I 
implore you. (With siqipressed agitation.} 

Mr. S. You seem strangely agitated, Mrs. Van Brugh. 

Mrs. V. B. No, no; I am ill and nervous to-day. Your 
manner is rather alarming. (With affected cheerfulness.} You 
know I'm a very bad hand at guessing riddles, Mr. Smailey. 
Come, what is it ? I give it up. (He hesitates.} Why have you 
any hesitation in telling me ? 

Mr. S. Because it involves a particularly delicate moral point. 
(She is much agitated.} God bless me, you seem very much 
alarmed. 

Mrs. V. B. (with determination}. Mr. Smailey, once and for 
all, I insist upon knowing what it is. 

Mr. S. Well, then, to be quite plain with you, it is currently 
reported in the village that you have taken a miserable woman 
from the streets and established her in the character of a respect- 
able workwoman within a hundred yards of this spot. (MRS. 
VAN BRUGH, tuhose agitation and alarm have been intense, is 
greatly relieved.) Moreover, I have been informed that you have, 
for some years past, been in the habit of searching out women of 
bad character who profess penitence, with the view of enabling 
them to earn their living in the society of blameless Christians. 

Mrs. V. B. I have. 

Mr. S. I tell you at once that I am loth to believe this thing. 

Mrs. V. B. (with indignant surprise). Why are you loth to 
believe this thing? 

Mr. S. Why? (Rises.} Because its audacity, its want of prin- 
ciple, and, above all, its unspeakable indelicacy, shock me beyond 
power of expression. 

Mrs. V. B. Mr. Smailey, is it possible that you are speaking 
deliberately ? Think of any blameless woman whom you love 
and honour, and who is loved and honoured of all. Think of 
the shivering outcast whose presence is contamination, whose 
touch is horror unspeakable, whose very existence is an unholy 



CHARITY. 105 

stain on God's earth. Woman loved, honoured, courted by 
all. Woman shunned, loathed, and unutterably despised, but 
still Woman. I do not plead for those whose advantages of 
example and education render their fall ten thousand times 
more culpable. Let others speak for such as they, (With a 
broken voice.) It may be that something is to be said, even for 
them. I plead for those who have had the world against them 
from the first who with blunted weapons and untutored hands 
have fought society single-handed, and fallen in the unequal 
fight. God help them ! 

Mr. S. Mrs. Van Brugh, I have no desire to press hardly on 
any fellow-creature ; but society, the grand arbiter in these 
matters, has decided that a woman who has once forfeited her 
moral position shall never regain it. 

Mrs. V. B. Even though her repentance be sincere and 
beyond doubt ? 

Mr. S. Even so. 

Mrs. V. B. Even though she fell unprotected, unadvised, 
perishing with want and chilled with despair ? 

Mr. S. Even so. For such a woman there is no excuse for 
such a woman there is no pardon. 

Mrs. V. B. You mean no pardon on earth ? 

Mr. S. Of course I mean no pardon on earth. What can I 
have to do with pardon elsewhere ? 

Mrs. V. B. Nothing. Mr. Smailey, when you have procured 
the will, I shall be ready to see you ; but before you go let me 
tell you that I am inexpressibly shocked and pained at the 
terrible theory you have advanced. (Tie endeavours to speak.) 
Oh, understand me, I do not charge you with exceptional heart- 
lessness. You represent the opinions of society, and society is 
fortunate in its mouthpiece. Heaven teaches that there is a 
pardon for every penitent. Earth teaches that there is one sin 
for which there is no pardon when the sinner is a woman ! 
ClluTH has entered. She is quietly and decently dressed, 
and carries a parcel of needlework in her hand.) 

Mr. S. (aside). Mrs. Van Brugh, pray be quiet; we are ob- 
served. 

Mrs. V. B. By the subject of our conversation. 

[Exit MRS. VAN BRUGH. 

jR-itth. I beg pardon I thought the lady was alone. (Going.) 

Mr. 8. Stop, woman. (She turns and advances.) Don't don't 
approach me we have nothing in common. Listen at a dis- 
tance. Mrs. Van Brugh has thought proper to place you on 
a pedestal that levels you, socially, with respectable Christians. 



io6 CHARITY. 

In so doing, I consider that she has insulted respectable Chris- 
tians. She thinks proper to suffer you to enter my presence. 
In so doing I consider that she has insulted me. I desire you 
to understand that when a woman of your stamp enters the pre- 
sence of a Christian gentleman, she 

Ruth (ivho has been looking at him in wonder during this 
speech). Smailey ! That's never you ! (Mr. S. falls lack in his 
chair.) 

Ruth. Ay, Smailcy, it's Faith Tredgett. 

Mr. S. (very confused). I did not know whom I was speak- 
ing to. 

Ruth. But you knowed what you was speakin' to, Jonas 
Smailey. Go on. I'm kinder curous to hear what yoiCve got 
to say about a woman o' my stamp. I kinder curous to hear 
wot Jonas Smailey's got to say about his own work. 

Mr. 8. We meet in a strange way after so many years. 

Ruth. Yes ; we do meet in a strange way. Seems to me it's 
suthin* of a topsy-turvy way. But it's a topsy-turvy world, 
ain't it ? 

Mr. S. (recovering himself, with Uland dignity}. I have no 
desire to press hardly on any fellow-creature 

Ruth (quietly}. Come, that's kind, anyhow. 

Mr. S. Perhaps, after all, you were not entirely to blame. 

Ruth. Well, p'raps not. 

Mr. S. Perhaps I myself was not altogether without reproach 
in the matter. But in my case allowance should, in common 
charity, be made for follies that arise from extreme youth and 
and inexperience. I was barely forty then. 

Ruth. And I was just sixteen. Well, I forgive you, along o' 
your youth, as I hope to be forgiven along o' my childhood. 

Mr. S. (rises'). The tone you adopt is in the worst possible 
taste. The misguided lady who has taken upon herself, most 
wickedly, to foist you upon society, has committed a fraud, 
which 

Ruth. Stop there, Smailey ! You're getting on dangerous 
ground. Best leave that lady alone. She's a bit chipped off 
heaven she's good right through. She's she's I'm slow at 
findin' words that mean goodness. My words run mostly the 
other way, wus luck. If I had to tell o' you, Smailey, they'd 
come handy and strong. I can't find words that mean her ! 

Mr. S. I have no wish to be hard on you, but it is a fraud, 
and 

Ruth. Fraud? Fraud's a bad word to corne from you, 
Smailey. I'd ha' thought you'd ha' fought shy o' that word, 
for the rest o' your days. 



CHARITY. 107 

Mr. S. (taken dbacli). I don't know what you refer to. 

Ruth. I'm referring to Martha Vane of Melbourne. What, 
yer recklect Martha Vane, do yer ? 

Mr. S. Martha Vane ! Yes, I remember Vane. Pooh ! 
There is nothing to connect me with that matter. 

Ruth. Nothing ? I've writin' of yours which is fourteen year, 
if it's a day, 

Mr. S. And do you mean to say that you would be guilty of 
such inhumanity such devilish inhumanity (I use the word 
" devilish " in its religious sense) as to bring up an act of youth- 
ful folly guilt if you will against nie now that I have achieved 
wealth, reputation, and social position ? 

Ruth. No, you're safe, Smailey. Bring it up agin yer now ? 
Why, you may have repented who knows ? You was a bad 
lot, sure enough ; but that's twenty years agone, and you may 
ha' repented. 

Mr. S. I have ; I'm an altered person I I will make it 
well worth your while to give me up that writing you refer to. 
I will pay you very handsomely for it. 

Ruth. Pay ! no ; I ain't on that lay. I'm square now. I'm 
a 'spectable woman. I only takes money wot I earns. It 
comes slow, but it comes comfortable. 

Mr. S. Your sentiments do you credit. I confess I did not 
look for such delicacy of feeling in you ; it exalts one's idea of 
human nature. I am thankful for anything that exalts one's 
idea of human nature. Thank you, Treclgett. Give me these 
papers. 

Ruth. No ; I'm 'spectable, but I ain't a fool. I'll keep 'em, 
case I want 'em*, 

Mr. S. As you please. Remember, Trcdgett, I am. a person 
of influence here, and a county magistrate 

Ruth. What, d'you sit at quarter sessions ? 

Mr. S. Certainly. 

Ruth. And sentence poor prigs? 

Mr. S. Yes. Why do you ask ? 

Ruth. Nothing ; go on it's all topsy-turvy ! 

Mr. S. I shall be happy if I can serve you in any way. I 
shall always be glad to hear that you are doing well, and I feel 
rrrtain that the admirable lady who has so kindly taken you in 
hand will have no reason to regret her charity. It is easy to 
fall, and hard to rise again Heaven bless those who extend a 
helping hand. I am very glad indeed that we have met. I've 
no wish to press hardly on any fellow-creature. [Exit. 

Ruth. Jonas Smailey! Smailey here! Things come about 



icS CHARITY. 

queerly. I seed him last at t'other end o* the world, and to 
meet him here ! Who's that? (FITZ-PARTINGTON has entered 
unobserved on tiptoe, and tapped her on the shoulder.") 

Fitz. Come here. (Taking out note-book.} Your name's Ruth 
Tredgett ? 

Euth (surprised}. Ay. 

Fitz, What are you ? 

Rutli. A 'spectable woman. Wot are you ? 

Fitz. A detective. 

Ruth (falling back horrified}. Wot's it for ? 

Fitz. Nothing. You ain't wanted, but your address is. 

Ruth. I'm living at Barker's in the village. 

Fitz. Present occupation ? 

Ruth. Needlewoman. 

Fitz. Late occupation ? 

Ruth. Tramp. There's no thin' agin me ? 

Fitz. Nothing against you, everything for you ; even this 
half-crown. 

Ruth. I don't like p'leece money. I never took none yet, I 
ain't agoin' to begin now. I wish yer good day. I don't like 
p'leece money. [Exit. 

Fitz. I'm not a policeman, I'm a private detective ; but we 
won't split hairs. (Pockets coin.} I thought Smailey was my 
man, now I'm sure of it. Ha ! ha ! Now, Smailey has a game. 
The question is, what is it ? He says it's his scutcheon, but 
that is Walker, because his father was a wig-maker. However, 
it's quite clear that, whatever his game may be, it is my duty to 
put that inestimable woman on her guard. 

Enter MRS. VAN BRUGH. 

Mrs. V. B. Has not Mr. Smailey returned ? 

Fitz. No, ma'am, he has not. (lie shows traces of emotion.} 

Mrs. V. B. Mr. Fitz-Partington, is anything the matter? 

Fitz. Ma'am, you have come upon me in a moment of pro- 
fessional conscientiousness. Avail yourself of it, for such 
moments are rare and fleeting. Beware of Smailey. 

Mrs. V. B. What in the world do you mean ? 

Fitz. I mean that he is endeavouring to prove that that 
yon were not legally married to Captain Van Brugh. 

Mrs. V. B. (intensely agitated}. Mr. Fitz-Partington, you 
cannot be aware of the full import of your words. What can 
be Mr. Smailcy's motive for making these preposterous in- 
quiries ? 



CHARITY. 109 

Fitz. That's just what I want to get at. In a general way 
it's sure to be something dirty. Perhaps he thinks that the 
property you inherit from Captain Van Brugh isn't legally 
yours, and, therefore, can't be settled by you on your daughter. 

Mrs. V. B. But I inherited very little indeed from Captain 
Van Brugh. The bulk of my property was left me by my 
godfather. 

Fitz. Then I'm wrong. But does Smailey know this ? 

Mrs. V. B. Know it ! Why, of course he knows it. He's my 
godfather's nephew, and next-of-kin. 

Fitz. What! His next-of-kin? Next-of-kin is a fruitful 
expression. I see a whole plantation of motives cropping out 
of " next-of-kin." Have you a copy of the will ? 

Mrs. V. B. No. But Mr. Smailey has indeed, he has gone 
to fetch it. 

Fitz. Can you tell me the terms of the legacy ? 

Mrs. V. B. No, not precisely. I have never seen the will. 
My solicitor has told roe its purport in general terms. 

Fitz. Are you referred to in that will by your married or 
maiden name ? 

Mrs. V. B. Oh, by my maiden name. 

Fitz. You are sure of that ? 

Mrs. V. B. Quite sure. At least, I feel quite sure. I can't 
be absolutely certain, but oh yes ; I am sure of it. 

Fitz. What was the date of the will ? 

Mrs. V. B. 1856. 

Fitz. What was the year of your marriage ? 

Mrs. V. B. (after a, pause). 1856. 

Fitz. My dear Mrs. Van Brugh, this is most important. The 
news of your marriage might or might not have reached the 
testator in Australia. If there is any flaw in your marriage, 
and if you are described in that will as Captain Van Brugh's 
wife, every penny you possess will revert to Smailey. Now, 
Smailey is a scoundrel. 

Mrs. V. B. Mr. Fitz-Partington, pray explain yourself. 

Fitz. In the full conviction that what I am going to say will 
be treated as confidential, I will explain myself. I'm after 
Smailey. Smailey will soon be wanted. 

Mrs. V. B. This is scarcely an explanation. 

Fitz. Scarcely an explanation. Twenty years ago, when in 
Australia, Smailey forged a burial-certificate to get some trust- 
funds into his possession. The job was given to our house tu 
investigate, only six weeks ago. Two days after, who should 
come to us for a detective to inquire into your affairs but 



no CHARITY. 

Smailey ; so we put the two jobs together, and I'm doing 'em 
both. 

Mrs. V. B. But how is it that a gentleman in your pro- 
fession 

Fitz. A gentleman ! Mrs. Van Brugh, for reasons that will 
go down with me to the tomb, I am humbly and hopelessly 
anxious to stand high in your good opinion. Appreciate my 
disinterestedness, when 1 voluntarily tell you that which will 
blight me in your estimation for ever. You think I'm an 
eminent solicitor. I ain't ; I'm the insignificant minion of a 
Private Inquiry Office. 

Mrs. V. B. But you were introduced to me as a solicitor. 

Fitz. It is a tantalizing feature of my contemptible calling, 
that I am continually being introduced as somebody I should 
particularly like to be. In the course of the last twelve 
months I've been a Spanish Hidalgo, a Colonel of Hussars, an 
Ashantee Nobleman, and a Bishop of the Greek Church. What 
was the date of your marriage? 

Mrs. V. B. Some time in February, '56 (with hesitation.) 

Fitz. Day? 

Mrs. V. B. The the 30th. 

Fitz. The 30th ? Try again. Never more than twenty-nine 
clays in February seldom that. 

Mrs. V. B. I forget the exact date. 

Fitz. Where were you married, and by whom ? 

Mrs. V. B. By by (after some hesitation) Sir, by your 
own admission you are a mere spy. How am I to know that 
you are not asking these questions with a view to using them 
against me ? 

Fitz. (much hurt). Ma'am, may you never know the depth 
of the wound you have inflicted. It will canker, ma'am ; but 
don't be alarmed, it shall not inconvenience you, for I will 
remove it from your sight. When we meet again, you will 
find me in the assumed character of a person who has not had 
his best feelings harrowed up for a considerable time. It will 
be a difficult assumption, ma'am, but I will do my best to 
sustain the fiction. [Exit. 

Mrs. V. B. At last ! at last my punishment is at hand. 
A.nd Eve great heavens, what will become of her ? Eve 
who loves and honours me Eve, my child! I mustn't think 
of that. It will madden me. I shall want all my head for 
what is to come ! If news of this marriage of mine (with a 
bitter laugh) had reached my godfather, he would have de- 
scribed Hie in his will as Captain Van Brugh's wife, and then 



CHARITY. in 

I am lost, and Eve is lost. Oh, why don't that man come ? 
This suspense is terrible. At last ! He's here ! 

Enter EVE and FRED with DR. ATHELNEY. 

Eve. Mr. Smailey has returned with the will. Frederick 
has been explaining to me the difference between freehold and 
leasehold, and you don't know how anxious I am to know 
which it is. 

Fred. Eve, Eve, this is very mercenary. 

Enter SMAILEY. 

Mr. S. Mrs. Van Brugh, I am most happy to tell you that 
it is everything that could be wished. My dear Mrs. Van 
Brugh, the Buckinghamshire farm is freehold. Here is the 
clause which refers to it : (Reads very deliberately.} After 
giving you Westland Park, the Blackfriars estate, and the two 
reversions, the testator goes on to say, " And I further will 
and bequeath all that messuage known as Goldacre Farm, 
together with all out-houses, ways, watercourses, trees, com- 
monable rights, easements and appurtenances, and all the 
estate and rights of the said Richard Goldacre in and to the 
same, unto and to the use of the said Catherine Ellen, wife of 
Richard Van Brugh, Esq., a captain in the Royal Navy, her 
heirs and assigns for ever." 

(Mus. VAN BRUGH/C^S senseless into a chair, her daughter 
lending over her.) 



ACT III. 

SCUNE: Homing room in. SMAILEY'S house. Door at lack, 
giving on to a pretty garden. 

FREDERICK discovered sealing a letter. 

Fred. "Your eternally attached Frederick." If there \va.s 
any flaw in Mrs. Van Brugh's marriage, as my father seems to 
suspect and his suspicions are corroborated by her astonishing 
behaviour on his reading her godfather's will then Mrs. Vim 



112 CHARITY. 

Brugh is penniless and Eve is penniless too. Poor little lady ! 
I'm afraid I shall have to cry off. I'm sorry for the poor child, 
because I'm sure she is fond of me. I'm sorry for myself, 
because I'm sure I'm fond of her. But when a man proposes 
to marry, he must not allow himself to be misled by his affec- 
tions. As far as Eve is concerned, I see no difficulty. She is 
a tender-hearted and sensitive little thing, Heaven bless her, 
and can be easily shaken off. But my poor old father ; how 
indignant he will be if I dare to suggest what he would con- 
sider a dishonourable course ! Why, if he thought me capable 
of breaking a solemn engagement for a mercenary motive, he'd 
disown me ! No, I must rest my excuse on a surer ground. 
I must touch his sense of family pride. I must remind him of 
the blight that would fall on our race, if I intermarried with a 
tainted family. A really good man does a deal of harm in the 
world. One has to stoop to so much dirty dissimulation before 
one can meet him on equal terms. 



Enter ME. SMAILEY. 

Mr. S. } Frederick, I want to speak seriously 

Fred. / Father, I want to speak seriously 

Mr. S. Eh ? 

Fred. I beg your pardon. 

Mr. S. I was about to say that I want to speak to you on a 
most serious and important matter, 

Fred. Dear me, that's very odd ! Do you know I was about 
to say the very same thing ! I am most anxious to speak to 
you on a most serious and most important matter. Excuse me 
for one moment, while I give this note to Kobins. 

Mr. 8. Whom are you writing to ? 

Fred. To my darling, of course. [Exit. 

Mr, S. To his darling ! Poor lad ! He's a noble fellow ! No 
mercenary thought in connection with the girl has ever entered 
his head ! But he must never marry her. Everything points 
to the fact that Mrs. Van Brugh 's marriage was illegal, and, if 
so, her daughter is portionless. Thank Heaven ! his sense of 
moral rectitude is so high that when he knows that her mother's 
conduct is open to suspicion he may feel bound to dissociate 
himself from her. Ah, it is a pleasant and a goodly thing 
when a parent finds that the strict principles he has instilled 
into his offspring are bearing golden fruit on which they both 
may feed ! 



CHARITY. 113 



Enter FREDERICK. 

Mr. S. (aside).} How shall I break it to him ? 

Fred, (aside). ) How shall I begin? 

Fred. Now I'm at your disposal. 

Mr. S. Frederick, my dear lad, this life of ours is made up of 
hopes frustrated, and cherished schemes brought to nothing. 

Fred. Very true. A man who places himself under the 
sweet dominion of his conscience, must not count on the 
fulfilment of even his most innocent intentions. 

Mr. S. Unforeseen circumstances occasionally arise that 
render it almost criminal to carry out an otherwise laudable 
purpose. 

Fred. For instance: a discovery that a contemplated act 
would, if carried out, bring dishonour on a long line of ancestors. 

Mr. S. Or give an implied sanction to a discreditable, if not 
an immoral, relationship. Events might occur which would 
justify him in breaking the most solemn pledge. 

Fred. Justify him ! I can conceive a state of things under 
which he would be morally bound to cast his most sacred 
obligations to the wind. 

Mr. S. My dear boy ! 

Fred. My dear father ! (They shake hands.) 

Mr. S. Now, Fred, this is what I was coming to, my boy. 
We are the last descendants of a very noble family. 

Fred. So I have often heard you say. And that reminds 
me to mention a matter, upon which I have long desired to 
talk to you 

Mr. S. (interrupting). I am free to admit that I am proud 
of my ancestry. 

Fred. My dear father, the safe keeping of their honour is my 
dearest aim. And, talking of my ancestors' honour, reminds 
me 

Mr. S. (interrupting). If Caius Smaileius heard that one of 
his race was about to marry, for instance, into a tainted family, 
I believe the doughty old lloman would turn in his tumulus ! 

Fred. What you say about a tainted family is so true, that I 
venture 

Mr. S. My dear Fred, it's no use beating about the bush. 
The girl you are engaged to as good a girl as ever lived is 
(there is no use in disguising it) a member of a tainted family. 
(FiiED turns from SMAILEY.) It is therefore my duty to urgo 
upon you, as the last of our line, the propriety, the necessity, of 

I 



H4 CHARITY. 

releasing Eve from her engagement. (FREDERICK appears hurt 
and indignant.) I know I am asking much, very much, of 
you. I know how tenderly you love the girl ; but a flaw, my 
dear Fred, and you a Smailey ! My boy, it is impossible. 

Fred, (in affected indignation). Am I to understand that 
you require me to surrender my darling Eve ? Never! With 
all possible respect for your authority Never! 

Mr. S. But, Fred, remember, my boy, remember, her mother 
has committed a faux pas of some kind. 

Fred. It would certainly seem so ; but I have given my 
word, and it is my duty to keep it. 

Mr. S. What is duty to the living compared with duty to 
the dead ? Think what your ancestors have done for you. And 
are we to neglect our duty to them, because they can do no 
more for us ? Oh ! shame, shame ! 

Fred, (ivith apparent reluctance). There is much truth in 
what you say, still 

Mr. S. To marry into such a family as hers, now that we 
know the truth, would be, as it were, to countenance her guilt. 

Fred. I cannot deny it Nevertheless, I 

Mr. S. Would it be just would it be moral to do tins ? 

Fred. No, no ; I see it now. 

Mr. 8. Show yourself to be a man of moral courage. As for 
what the world will say, do the right thing, my boy, and let 
them say what they please. 

Fred, (after a pause). Father, you are right. As a moral 
man I have no alternative but to comply with your wish. At 
any cost it must be done at any cost it shall be done ! 

Mr. 8. That's right, my dear, dear boy ; and you shall find 
that you have lost little by your determination. And now 
that that's settled, let us enter into your affairs. What 
was it that you wanted to speak to me so seriously about 
just now ? 

Fred. I ? Oh dear, no. 

Mr. 8. But surely, you said 

Fred. Oh, to be sure ! I oh, it's not of the least con- 
sequence. 

Mr. S. Something about poor little Eve, wasn't it ? 

Fred. Yes ; about poor little Eve. How little do we know 
what five minutes may bring forth ! I was actually going to 
consult you about fixing a day for our wedding. (Wiping his 
eyes.) 

Mr. S. My poor boy, you have behaved nobly. You are a 
true Smailey. 



CHARITY. 115 

Fred, (taking his hand). I hope it is not presumptuous in 
me, but I sometimes think I am. 

Mr. S. I have wounded you deeply. Let me compensate 
you by telling you a more pleasant piece of news. I have 
discovered Fitz-Partington's clue. 

Fred. Indeed ! I am rejoiced to hear it. 

Mr. S. Yes. Mrs. Van Brugh told me on Tuesday that she 
had never actually seen her godfather's will. So I felt it to be 
my duty to make an excuse for reading aloud that part of the 
will in which she is particularly described. I did so, and she 
fainted. Now, my dear Fred, what does this point to? 

Fred. I should say bigamy. 

Mr. S. You would say bigamy, and so should I. I suggested 
this to Fitz-Partington, and he seemed amazed at my penetra- 
tion.' We laid our heads together, and, at his suggestion, I drew 
up this advertisement. (Hands MS. advertisement, which he has 
taken from table-drawer.) 

Fred, (reads). 50 Reward. This sum will "be paid for a true 
copy of the burial certificate of the first wife of the late Captain 
Van Brugh, E.N. She is known to have died at Melbourne 
within the last eight years. Are you sure Fitz-Partington is 
acting straightforwardly with you ? 

Mr. S. Why should he do otherwise ? 

Fred. 50 is a large sum. 

Mr. 8. A large sum ? If I can only establish the fact that 
the first Mrs. Van Brugh died within the last eight years, every 
penny of this so-called Mrs. Van Brugh's income 8000 a year 
at least reverts to me. 

Fred. Then, dear me 

Mr. S. Eh? 

Fred. Poor Eve will lose her settlement ! 

Mr. S. True ; quite true. Dear me, I never thought of that. 
Poor Eve ! 

Fred. Poor, poor Eve ! 

Enter RUTH. 

Ruth. I've brought this note from my lady. 
Mr. S. Oh ! There may be an answer. Stay. 
Ruth (quietly). Yes ; I'll stay. 

Mr. S. (reads note). Oh ! Mrs. Van Brugh writes to say that 
she wishes to see me this afternoon alone. 

(Sits down to write.) 



i r 6 CHARITY. 

Fred. Alone ! Oh, then then perhaps I'd better withdraw. 
(With affected emotion.') 

Ruth. Aye, perhaps you better had. 
(She follows him ivith her eyes as he goes to the door. He 

seems uneasy. Then exit.) 
Mr. S. There is the answer. (Finishing note.) 
Ruth. Smailey ; wot's wrong about my lady ? 
Mr. S. Wrong? 

Ruth. Aye, there's ruin comin' to her, and she knows it. 
She's been queer-like these two days. I've come upon her cryin' 
odd times, and she's as white as death. Wot is it, Smailey ? 
Mr. S. Probably a headache. I'm not a doctor. 
Ruth. I am. It's no headache it's heartache. It's ruin. 
Mr. S. It is ruin ; to her wealth, and her good name. 
Ruth. Her good name? Why, you're never goin' to meddle 
wi' that. 
Mr. S. You are deceived in your mistress. (Rises.) I will tell 

you what she has been 

Ruth. Stop ! I won't hear it, Smailey I won't hear it. Let 
bygones go by : no odds what she has been ; think wot she is ; 
think wot you've been. As I've dealt fair wi' you, deal you fair 
wi' her. Take wot's yourn, but don't take no more. 

Mr. S. My rights and her good name are bound up together ; 
I cannot claim the one without destroying the other. I only 
want what the law will give me, if I commence proceedings. 

Ruth (changing her tone). If you commence proceedings, wot 
the law will give you is fourteen year, take my word for it. I've 
spoke fair, and no good's come of it, so I'll speak foul. Look 
here, Smailey, you've put a plot afoot to ruin my lady. Now, 
my lady's got a dog, Smailey, and that dog won't stand no plots. 
Do you hear that, Smailey ? Stir hand or foot to harm that 
pure and spotless creature, and sure as my lady's dog has a set 
of fangs she'll fix them in your throat. 

Mr. S. This is hard. This is very hard. Even Mrs. Van 
Brugh would herself at once admit the justice of my claim. 
Ruth. Well, wait till she does. 

Mr. S. (after a pause). There is a good deal of sound common 
sense in what you say, Tredgett. Still, if if Mrs. Van Brugh 
should at any time make a statement of her own free will, you 
will surely allow me to profit by it ? 

Ruth. Wotever my lady does of her own free will is angels' 
doin', and is right accordin'. 

Mr. S. (aside). Then I think I see my way. (Aloud.) Well, 
Kuth, on that understanding you have my promise. 



CtrARlTY. 117 

i. Promise? Your promise ? Smailcy, don't you meddle 
with things you don't understand. Promises are ticklish goods 
in your hands. They're temptin' things to break, and you was 
always easy tempted. No, no ; don't you promise. Til promise 
this time, Smailey. Til promise. [Exit EUTH. 

Mr. S. A sin, an early sin a sin committed twenty years 
ago brought up against me now that I am an honest man, and 
a regular church-goer ! I am absolutely bound hand and foot 
by it and to what end ? For the protection of a woman who 
has committed Heaven knows what offence against morality. 
If this crime were to be proved against me, what on earth would 
become of me ? For years I have endeavoured to atone for my 
sin against society by treating wrong-doers brought before me 
with the strictest and most unflinching severity. Would 
Society be grateful for this would it even take heed of it ? 
No ; my atonement would go for nothing absolutely nothing. 
Ah ! this is a merciless world, and one in which penitence is 
taken no account of. But have a care, Mrs. Van Brugh ; I'll 
bide my time. You shall yet see that a sin against morality is 
not to be wiped out by a few years of sentimental self-denial ! 

Enter EVE and FRED. 

Fred. Father, I met Mrs. Van Brugh and my darling on 
their way here, so I turned back with them. 
Mr. S. My dear Eve. {Kisses her.) 

Enter MRS. VAN BRUGH. 

Mrs. Van Brugh, I am very pleased to see you. Pray sit 
down. You look pale ; I am afraid you are tired. 

Mrs. V. B. No, I have not been very well lately. 

Eve. Mamma wished to come alone, as she wants to speak to 
you on business, but I wouldn't hear of that, as she is really 
very far from well, so I've brought her to you, Mr. Smailey ; 
and now I'm going to take a turn in the garden with Fred. 
Dr. Athelney is waiting for us in the arbour. 

Fred. If the arbour were a consecrated arbour, and I had a 
licence in my pocket, we might take a turn in the garden 
that would surprise our dear friends. 

Eve. What, without a wedding-dress and bridesmaids, and 
bouquets and presents, and a breakfast? My clear Fred, it 
wouldn't be legal! [Exeunt EVE and FRED into the garden. 

Mrs. V. B. (after a pause). Mr. Smailey, I come to you in 
great distress. On Tuesday last, a circumstance occurred, no 
matter what it was, that induced me to believe that there was 



n 8 CHARITY. 

a flaw a vital flaw in my title to all I possess. Mr. Smailcy, 
I haven't a shilling in the world. 

Mr. S. A shilling! My very dear lady, you haven't a 
penny. 

Mrs. V. B. What ! Do yon know this ? 

Mr. S. Mrs. "Van Brugh, I will be candid with you. The 
Sraaileys are a very, very old and very famous family. No 
suspicion of a bar sinister has ever shadowed their escutcheon. 
My son is betrothed to your daughter, and I have reason to 
believe that you are not entitled to the name you bear. There- 
fore, in his interests, and in those of his slumbering ancestors, 
I have taken steps to ascertain the truth. 

Mrs. V. B. (much agitated). What do you hope to prove ? 

Mr. S. That when you went through the form of marriage 
with the late Captain Van Brugh you knew that his first wife 
was still alive. 

Mrs. V. B. (wildly}. No, no, no ! Mr. Smailey, it is bad 
enough, but not so bad as that. Oh, Mr. Smailey, dismiss that 
fearful thought from your mind, and I will tell you the truth 
I came here to tell. It's a bitter, bitter truth, but not so bad 
as you would make it out to be. 

Mr. 8. What is the truth ? (Sternly.') 

Mrs. V. B. I I when I met Captain Van Brugh I was 

very young, and my mother was dead and 

(Bursts into tears and sobs wildly, laying her head on the 
fable.) 

Mr. S. What is the truth? 

Mrs. V. B. Oh, man, man, can't you read it in these tears ? 
Is there not shame enough in my face, that you want it in 
shameful words? Head what you see before you, and as you 
are a man with a heart, keep my secret ; oh, keep my unhappy 
secret ! 

Mr. S. What ! am I to understand that you never even went 
through the form of marriage with Captain Van Brugh? 

Mrs. V. B. (under her 'breath). Never ! 

Mr. S. (after a pause). I decline to believe you. I had 
hoped that it was barely possible you were the unconscious 
dupe of a reckless scamp. I now believe that you were well 
aware of the crime you were committing, and you take this 
step to avoid its legal consequences. 

Mrs. V. B. (with forced calmness). Mr. Smailcy, I have, 
perhaps, no right to be indignant at this insult; but you are 
mistaken utterly mistaken. Have you no pity, no sym- 
pathy ? See, everything I possess is legally yours ; I leave 



CHARITY. 119 

your presence penniless. Commence an action against me, and 
I will quietly yield up everything before the case comes into 
court ; but, if you love your son, spare me the shame, the 
intolerable shame, of a public exposure! 

Mr. S. I will spare you nothing; neither will I take the step 
you suggest, nor any other step to dispossess you. In this 
matter I am passive; I leave you to act as conscience may 
prompt you. But understand that I will be a party to no con- 
cealment, no subterfuge. On these terms, and on no other, will 
I consent to take this property. 

Mrs. V. B. (wildly). What am I to do? I cannot keep it, 
and I have no one to advise me ! 

Mr. S. /will advise you. You have sinned, and must make 
atonement. There are witnesses at hand ; let them hear the 
truth : whatever the truth may be, let them hear it. 

Mrs. V. B. What witnesses ? 

Mr. S. Dr. Athelney, my dear son, Ruth Tredgett, and youi 
daughter. 

Mrs. V. B. (wildly). No, no; not before Eve. You cannot 
mean that I am to say this before Eve. Think, Mr. Smailey, 
what you are asking me to do. I am her mother ! 

Mr. S. I desire to press hardly on no fellow-creature, but 
it is meet that she should know the truth. Indeed, as a 
principle, truth cannot be too widely known. 

Mrs. V. B. But she knows nothing of this miserable matter. 
She believes, as others believe, that I was married abroad and 
that my husband died soon after. 

Mr. S. A mother seeking to deceive her own child ! 

Mrs. V. B. Take every penny I possess, but for Eve's sake 
spare me this intolerable shame. I will sign any deed you 
please that will convey my property to you, but leave me the 
love and honour of my darling child. 

Mr. S. I decline to place myself in the invidious position of 
one who takes steps to dispossess a helpless lady ; I also 
decline to be a party to any deception. If you refuse to make 
the public admission I require, you may keep your ill-gotten 
wealth. 

Mrs. V. B. Keep it ! Why, I am here, of my own free will, 
to surrender into your hands my wealth, and with it my good 
name! 

Mr. S. I feel it to be my duty to remind you that you have 
as little right to the one as to the other. 

Mrs. V. B. What shall I do what shall I do ? If I refuse 
to publish niy sin, this man will make it known to the whole 
world. 



120 CHARITY. 

Mr. S. No; there you wrong me. That would be an un- 
manly act indeed, Miss Brandreth. 

Mrs. V. B. Miss Brandreth ! 

Mr. S. That, I presume, is your name. Pardon me, but now 
that I know the truth, I could not conscientiously call you 
Mrs. Van Brugh. It would be a lie. For the future I shall 
call you Miss Brandreth, but I shall systematically withhold 
my reasons for so doing. 

Mrs. V. B. Mr. Smailey, think what you are compelling me 
to do. I have sinned, and for many years I have unceasingly 
endeavoured to atone for that sin. Blessed with an ample 
fortune, I have devoted four-fifths of it to the rescue of the 
unhappiest among unhappy women. In my search for them 
I have waded, year after year, through the foulest depths of 
misery and disgrace, with ears and eyes outraged at every turn. 
In the face of galling rebuke and insult unspeakable, in the 
face of cold ridicule and insolent misconstruction, I have held 
on to the task I set myself, and through the mercy of Heaven 
the infinite mercy of Heaven I have succeeded. I have no 
desire to speak of these things, and to no other man will I utter 
them. But you talk to me of atonement; and have I not 
atoned? Oh ! have I not atoned ? 

Mr. S. See how the deeds and words of these last year? 
show in the fierce light you have just thrown upon them. You 
have lost no opportunity of rebuking my hardness of heart 
because I cannot pardon an act of immorality. See from what 
a foul and muddy source your own forgiveness springs. You 
have taunted me with my severity towards wrong-doers. See 
from what an interested motive your own leniency arises. You 
have publicly assailed my want of charity. Had I the control 
of another man's income my charities might perhaps outvie 
your own. In one word, if you retain your social position, 
you are morally an impostor. If you retain my property, you 
are morally 

Mrs. V. B. (interruptiny him"). Enough ! You have spoken, 
and I know you now. I can see through those cold hard eyes 
down into the cold hard heart from which they take their tone. 
I read there the stony creed, " A woman who has once fallen 
shall never rise again." So let it be. You are strong for you 
have the world on your side. I am weak for I am alone. If 
I am to die this moral death, it shall be by my own hand. 
They shall hear the truth. (EVE and FREDERICK have ap- 
peared at the door ; she turns and sees them ; they are followed 
by DR. ATHELNEY and EDWARD.) Come here, Eve ; come here, 



CHARITY 121 

Dr. Athclncy ; all of you come here. (EvE comes forward and 
kneels at her mother's feet.) Eve, my darling, ray pet Eve 
dear, kiss me. Kiss me again and again my child, my child I 
Kiss me now, for you may never kiss me again. Dr. Athelncy, 
you love me, I know. Edward, my dear old friend, listen while 
I tell you what manner of woman you have loved 

Ruth (rushing forward). No, no, mistress, you mustn't say 
it ; don't, don't speak it ; for the love of mercy don't speak it. 
As I'm a sinful woman, it'll be worse than death to me. 

Mrs. V. B. I must go on to the end. Do you know on what 
kind of thing you have lavished the treasure of your love? 
You have lavished it on a fallen woman an unhappy creature, 
who has committed that one sin for which on earth there is no 
atonement no forgiveness. You think of me as Captain Van 
Brugh's widow ; God forgive me, I never was his wife ! 

(RuTii recoils from her with an exclamation of horror. 
EVE falls senseless into EDWARD'S arms. SMAILEY and 
FREDERICK watch the group from a corner of the staye.) 



ACT IV. 

SCENE : Library at Dr. ATIIELNEY'S. 
MRS. VAN BRUGII discovered seated^ reading letters. 

Mrs. V. B. " The Rev. Mr. Twemlow presents his compli- 
ments to Mrs. Van Brugh, and begs to return her annual 
subscription of fifty guineas to the Fund for providing Shelter 
for the Homeless Poor. He does not feel justified, under the 
circumstances, in accepting any aid from Mrs. Van Brugh on 
their behalf. With respect to the living to which Mrs. Van 
Brugh has recently presented Mr. Twemlow, he desires that she 
may understand that, if he consents to retain it, it is because 
he feels that it affords him a more extended sphere of spiritual 
usefulness than the curacy he has hitherto held." (Opens 
another letter.) " We, the aged occupants of the Locroft 
Almshouses, arc humbly pained and respectfully shocked at 
the disclosures that have recently been made with reference to 
Miss Brandreth's relations with the late Captain Van Brugh. 
We trust that it is unnecessary for us to add that, if it were 
not that the Almhouses pass at once from Miss Brandreth's 
hands into those of an upright and stainless Christian, whom 



122 CHARITY. 

it is an honour respectfully to know and a satisfaction humbly 
to profit by, we would not have consented to occupy them for 
another day ; we would rather have worked for our living. 
Signed." ( Opens another letter.') 

"HONOURED MADAM, 

"We shall feel greatly flattered and obliged if you will 
kindly afford us a sitting for your photograph at your earliest 
convenience. 

" We are, Honoured Madam, 
" With much esteem,. 

" Most respectfully yours, 

"SCUMLEY & KlPP." 

When these people address me, I am degraded indeed ! My 
name a word of reproach in every household in the country ; 
my story a thing to be whispered and hinted at, but not to be 
openly discussed, by reason of its very shame. My years of 
atonement held to be mere evidence of skilfully sustained 
hypocrisy. Myself a confessed counterfeit, a base and worthless 
imposition, a living fraud on the immaculate beings with whom 
I dared to surround myself. And Kuth Ruth, to whom my 
heart opened even Kuth has left me. Poor blind, wayward 
woman, you are of the world, worldly ; your idol is shattered, 
and there is the end. So let it be; it is meet that such as 
I should be alone ! 

Enter EVE, who "has overheard the last few lines. She ap- 
proaches her mother quidly, and places her arms round 
her neclc. 

Eve. Mamma, you have many kind friends left to you ; Dr. 
Athclney, who has given you a home; Edward and myself. 

Mrs. V. B. A daughter's love comes of honour. Can that 
love live without the honour that gives it sustenance? 

Eve. Mamma, I am very young, and I know little of the 
world and its ways. Will you forgive me if I speak foolishly ? 
Dear mamma, I think my love for you began with my life. It 
was born with me, and came of no other cause than that you 
are my mother. As I brought it with me into the world, so I 
believe I shall take it with me out of the world. Do you 
understand me? I mean, that if I had no other reason for 
loving you than that you are my mother, I should still love 
you, for I am your child. 



CHARITY. 123 

Mrs. V. B. A child to whom I have given a life that is 
worse than death ; a life that brings with it a curse that will be 
flung in your teeth by all who know you, and first of all, and 
above all, by him who was to have married you. 

Eve. No, no ; your bitter sorrow has made you unjust. 
Remember, he loves me. I do not know why he loves me, but 
whatever he saw in me to love is there still. / am not changed, 
and why should he change? I trust his heart as I trust my 
own. 

Mrs. V. B. Eve, I know the world too well. That man will 
visit my fault upon you. He will renounce you now, my poor 
child, and the world will say that he is right. 

Eve. I will believe this when I hear it from his own lips. 

Mrs. V. B. You will hear it to-day. It is part of the punish- 
ment of women who sin as I have sinned, that those who 
arc dearest to them shall suffer with them. Sec how I am 
punished. I have placed a mark of shame on you whom I love 
beyond all on earth. I have inflicted a lasting injury on you 
whom I would have died to serve. I have cursed you whom I 
would have blessed. I have degraded you whom I would have 
exalted. Eve, my darling out of my sin has come your love 
for me. I have no claim to that love. I have cheated you 
into honouring me ; for that honour comes of my sin. I do 
not ask for love I do not ask for honour. Humbled, un- 
worthy, and spirit-broken, I plead to you for pardon only for 
pardon. (Kneels to EVE.) 

Eve. Pardon ! My mother my gentle-hearted mother. 
There is no thought in my mind but of the perfect woman of 
the past eighteen years. The lustre of those years fills my 
world. I can see nothing else ; I will see nothing else. As 
you have always been to me, so shall you always be the 
type of gentle charity, tender helpfulness, brave, large-hearted 
womanly sympathy. When the bright light of those bygone 
years pales in my eyes, then let me suffer ten times the sorrow 
of to-day, for indeed I shall have deserved it. (She rises and 
they embrace.) 

Enter FITZ-PAUTINGTON cautiously, L. 

Mrs. V. B. Mr. Fitz-Partington ? 

Fitz. Yes, but don't be alarmed. If it is open to a person 
in my debased position to be regarded as a friend, regard rue 
as one. 

Mrs. V. B. Mr. Fitz-Partington, I did you an injustice when 



i?4 CHARITY. 

I saw you last I doubted you. Will you forgive me ? 
(Holding out her hand.) 

Fitz. (much affected, takes it"). Ma'am, this is the most un- 
professional moment of my career. No one ever apologized to 
me before. It is very unmanning. It is like having a tooth 
out. I hope no one will ever apologize to me again. 

Eve. Have you brought us any news, Mr. Fitz-Partiugton ? 
I am sure you are here for some kind purpose. 

Fitz. It is my fate to appear continually before you in the 
character of the Mysterious Warner of penny romance. Mrs. 
Van Brugh, once more, beware of Smailey. That abject man 
is going at you again. 

Mrs. V. B. Has he not clone with me yet? Can I be poorer 
than I am or more unhappy or more despised ? 

Fitz. He proposes to make you so, but he will be sold. 

Eve. But with what motive does he do this ? 

Fitz. Revenge. To adapt the words of the poet to Smailey's 
frame of mind, " Revenge is sweet, especially on women." 

Mrs. V. B. Revenge on me I Through him, whom I have 
never injured, I have lost my home, my fortune, and my good 
name, and he seeks revenge on me ? 

Fitz. Mrs. Van Brugh, if it is a source of pain to you to 
know that your friends have cut you., it may console you to 
know, that in their strict impartiality they have also cut him. 
He is hooted in the streets. His windows are a public cockshy. 
Nobody is at home to him, and though he is at home to every- 
body, it is to no purpose. The very tradesmen refuse to supply 
him. He is a desolate, and a hungry being, and nobody calls 
on him except the taxes. 

Eve. I fear, Mr. Fitz-Partington, that you may yourself have 
suffered from your association with this man. 

Fitz. (to EVE). I ? I believe you ! Why, I go about in fear 
of my life. Not only am I deprived of the necessaries of ex- 
istence, but I have become the very focus of public execration. 
I couldn't be more unpopular if I had come down to stand 
for the borough. 

Eve. But, Mr. Fitz-Partington, how in Heaven's name does 
he propose to injure my mother ? What can he do to her, that 
he has not already done ? 

Fitz. He is advertising for the present Mrs. Van Brugh's 
marriage certificate, and the late Mrs. Van Brugh's burial cer- 
tificate, with a view to a prosecution for bigamy. 

Eve. Mamma, mamma, do you hear this? (Crosses to her.) 

Mrs. V. B. Yes, I hear it. I knew that he had conceived 



CHARITY. 125 

this monstrous idea, but I have already assured him there is no 
ground for his suspicion. I have told him (after a pause, ami 
with much shame) the truth. 

Fitz. Yes, but he don't believe you. Eead that. {Hands 
newspaper to EVE, who gives it to Mrs. VAN BRUGH, pointing 
out advertisement.} Such is the snake-like and foxy character 
of that unparalleled old Pharisee, that he don't believe you. 
Why, I am a professional sceptic at two guineas a day, and 
even I believe you. 

Mrs. V. B. (who has "been reading the advertisement}. This is 
most shameful. This is monstrous beyond expression. I have 
borne my terrible punishment to this point patiently, and 
without undue murmur, but I will bear no more. Let that 
man know this. He has roused me at last, and I will meet 
him face to face. Let him know that, helpless and friendless 
as he believes me to ; crushed as I am under the weight of the 
fearful revelation he has extorted from me ; shunned as I am, 
and despised even by those whom all despise but I, I am yet 
strong in this, that I have nothing more to lose. He has made 
desperate, and let him beware. There are men in these days as 
hot in the defence of an insulted woman as in the days gone by, 
and he shall have a legion of them about his ears. I have been 
punished enough. I will be punished no further. 

Eve. But who could have put this monstrous scheme into his 
head ? What demon could have suggested it to him ? 

Fitz. I suggested it to him, but 1 ain't a demon. 

Eve and Mrs. V. B. You ! 

Fitz. I I drew up the advertisement, put it in, and paid for 
it. It's a dodge ; I've put him on a wrong scent. 

Mrs. V. B. How am I to understand this ? 

Fitz. That's just it ; you are not to understand at present. 
You are to do me justice to believe that, when you do under- 
stand it, you will like it very much. I've put him on a wrong 
scent, and if I'm not very much mistaken, it will have the 
effect of taking him in his own toils. For the present it is 
enough to tell you that his advertisement has been answered, 
and that the person who answered it is to meet him here this 
afternoon. 

Mrs. V. B. Here ? Why does he come to me ? 

Fitz. Because he conceives, with some reason, that you are not 
likely to go to him. But don't be alarmed. J shall accompany 
him, as per usual. [Exit FITZ-PARTINGTON. 

Mrs. V. B. (covering her face}. Oh, the shame of it! Oh, 
the shame of it! To know that my terrible story is the 



126 CHARITY. 

common gossip of every plough-boy in the village ; to feel that 
there is not a nighty servant-girl who does not gather her skirts 
about her as she passes me ; to be certain when women cross 
the road it is to escape the contamination of my presence ; and 
when they meet me face to face, it is that they may toss their 
head and tell each other that they knew it from the first ! Oh, 
the shame of it ! Oh, the shame of it ! 

Eve. But Mr. Smailey can do nothing. His wicked schemes 
must recoil upon himself. We will leave Locroft; we will 
leave this fearful place. Dr. Athelney sails in a fortnight, and 
he has made arrangements that we may accompany him. 
There, in a new world, with new friends and new duties, we 
shall forget all that is bitter in the past, and gather new stores 
of happiness from the future that is before us. (They embrace.) 

Enter Dr. ATHELNEY, L.D. Crosses to EVE. 

Dr. A. Mrs. Van Brugh ; Eve, my dear, prepare yourself for 
a surprise. This morning, Mrs. Van Brugh and I were dis- 
cussing Frederick Smailey 's probable course of action. That 
very good or very bad young man is at this moment crossing 
the lawn with my son, Ted. He is coming with the view, no 
doubt, of setting all future discussion on that point at rest. 
Let us suspend judgment on that admirable or detestable lad 
until he has explained himself. 

Eve. I knew he would come; I was sure of it. Mamma 
dear, I told you he loved me ; I told you he would come. 

Enter FRED and TED ATHELNEY, arm-in-arm. 

Fred. Eve ! 

Eve (running to him). Fred, my dear Fred ! (lie embraces 
her.) 

Ted. Here he is ; I was sure of him ; Eve and I were both 
sure of him. We knew him, Eve, didn't we? 

Fred. Edward came to me, Mrs. Van Brugh, and told me 
that that you doubted me. (Much affected.) 

Ted. Yes, I told him that. Don't be angry with me, but 
when Fred Smailey's honour is at stake, Ted Athelney doesn't 
beat about the bush. I went straight to him and told him at 
once how the land lay. " Fred," said I, " Eve knows you, and 
I know you, but the others don't. Come over with me, and 
show them what you really are. Show them that you are the 
brave, straight-hearted, thorough-going fellow I know you to be.'* 
He didn't give me time to say it twice. 



CHARITY. 127 

Fred. Mrs. Van Brugh, will you take my hand ? (Shakes 
her hand. Crosses to DR. A., then shaJces his hand.) Dr. 
Atbelney, my very dear friend, this is very, very kind of you. 
You are too noble-hearted a man to confound the son with the 
father. 

Dr. A. I hope and trust, sir, that I have done you an in- 
justice. (Goes up) 

Fred, Mrs. Van Brugh, I know not how to express my 
opinion of my father's behaviour in terms that would be con- 
sistent with my duty as a son. I am most painfully situated. 
Permit me to content myself with offering you my deepest and 
most respectful sympathy. 

Mrs. V. B. Mr. Sinai Icy, you speak very kindly. 

Ted. And he means kindly, mind that. I'll stake my life 
he means kindly. 

Fred. Thank you, Edward; thank you very heartily. My 
Hither, Mrs. Van Brugh, is, I have learnt, a very hard man ; a 
good man, a truly good man, but a very hard one. He is 
unaccountably incensed against you; I have pleaded for you, 
but, alas ! in vain. I have implored him to allow you, at least, 
to continue to occupy the cottage which is endeared to me by 
so many happy recollections, dear Eve, but in vain. (lit tali.es, 
EVE'S hand.) He he answered me harshly for the first time 
in his life. (Much moved.) 

Ted. My very dear fellow, Heaven bless you for that. 

Fred. Under these circumstances I said to myself, Plow can 
I lighten this intolerable burden to them ? If not to Mrs. Van 
Brugh, at least to Eve. I lay awake all last night, thinking it 
over, and at last at last I saw my way. 

Ted (to Dr. A.). Trust Fred Smailey to find the right thing 
to do. 

Fred. I said to myself, Here is an amiable and blameless 
young lady placed, through no fault of her own, in the painful 
position of being engaged to a member of a family which has 
done her and her mother a fearful and irreparable injury. 
Association with such a family must be, to her, a source of 
inconceivable distress. To a sensitive and high-minded girl, 
such as I know my darling to be, an alliance with such a family 
must be simply insupportable. Deeply as I love her, and 
because I love her deeply, I will fight with the great love that 
is within me ; I will act as becomes a man of honour ; I will at 
once, and of my own free will, release her from this engagement. 
Eve, my dear Eve, you are free. (EVE faints in Mrs. VAN 
Buuom's arms.) 



128 CHARITY. 

Mrs. V. B. My darling ! My poor, poor darling ! 

Dr. A. (c.) Sir, I have been a clergyman of the Church of 
England for five and forty years, and. until to-day, I have never 
regretted the restrictions that my calling has imposed upon me. 
My hands, sir, are tied. Ted, my boy, these remarks do not 
apply to you. 

Ted (crosses to FRED SMAILEY). You infernal villain ! You 
unutterably mean and sneaking villain ! (Seizing him.) 

Mrs. V. B. Edward ! Edward ! 

Ted. Don't stop me, or I shall kill him. Look there, you 
miserable hound (pointing to EVE), look there ! Do you see the 
work that your infernal heart has done ? Why, you miserable 
cur, she loved you ! You trembling hypocrite, she loved you ! 
Eve loved you loved you I Look at her, man, and if your 
devil's heart don't beat the harder for the sight, it hasn't a beat 
left in it! 

Mrs. V. B. Dr. Athelney, pray, pray stop him. 

Dr. A. Stop him? No, certainly not. I'm too fond of 
plain truth, and I hear it too seldom to stop it when I do hear 
it. Go on with your remarks, my boy, if you've anything else 
to say. 

Enter SMAILEY, followed ly FITZ-PARTINGTON, L. 

Mr. 8. When your son has quite finished shaking my son, 
perhaps you will kindly devote a little attention to me. 

Fred. Edward, I sincerely hope you may live to apologize for 
this. (Offers to shake hands ; TED refuses.) 

Dr. A. Mr. Smailey, I must tell you that your presence here 
is an act of audacity for which I was not prepared. 

Mr. S. I fear that the surprise of my appearance here is but 
the first of a series of surprises in store for you. 

Fitz. And I am convinced of it. 

Dr. A. Leave my house. Sir! (To SMAILEY.) 

Mr. 8. Nay, nay. I am here in the discharge of a high 
public duty, and I propose to remain. Come, Dr. Athelney, is 
this quite considerate ? Is this quite as it should be ? You are 
a minister of the Church, about to be invested with the very 
highest Colonial functions. In affording shelter to this un- 
happy person, have you not allowed your sympathy for her 
misfortunes to blind you to the fact that you are a clergyman ? 

Dr. A. Sir, I never had my duty as a clergyman so strongly 
before my eyes as when I placed my home at the disposal of 
this admirable lad} r . And, believe me, sir, I never felt so 
strongly disposed to forget my duty as a clergyman as I do at 



CHARITY. 129 

this moment. My hands are tied. Ted, my boy, these remarks 
do not apply to you. 

Ted. Mr. Smailey, if you'll come with me, I'll see you out. 

Fitz. (to TED). See him out? Nonsense. Hear him out. 
He's worth listening to, I can tell you. 

Mr. S. Miss Brandrcth (to Mrs. VAN BRUGH), when you 
denied having ever gone through the form of marriage with 
Captain Van Brugh, I considered it my duty, as a magistrate 
accustomed to deal with evidence, to disbelieve you. At the 
suggestion of my solicitor (Aside, to FITZ.) A lie, sir, for you. are 
no solicitor ; Heaven forgive you ! (Aloud.) At his suggestion 
I advertised for the burial certificate of the late Mrs. Van 
Brugh. That advertisement has been answered. 

Fitz. That advertisement has been answered. 

Mr. S. The person who answered it is at this moment waiting 
without. 

Fitz. Waiting without. 

Mr. S. And, with or without your permission, shall be 
introduced. 

Fitz. Shall be introduced. 

Mr. S. Mr. Fitz-Partington shall introduce him. 

Fitz. It ain't a, him, it's a her. (Opens door, and discovers 
KUTH.) 

Mrs. V. B. Ruth Tredgett ! 

Ruth. Ay, missis, 'tain't no other. 

Mr. S. What does this mean? Is this a hoax? (Indig- 
nantly, to FITZ-PARTINGTON.) 

Fitz. Is this a hoax ? (Appealing to the others.) 

Mr. S. What does this woman want here ? 

Fitz. Woman, what do you want here ? 

Ruth. Want to help you agin her. (Indicating Mrs. VAN 
BRUGH.) 

Mrs. V. B. Oh, Ruth, Ruth ! 

Mr. S. Do you mean this, Tredgett ? (Crosses to RUTH.) 

Ruth. Ay, I mtan it, Smailey. It's justice; and justice 
must be done. It was done agin me, years ago, and why not 
agin her now ? 

Mr. S. Dr. Athelney, this poor woman is an example to you. 
he has learned her mistress's true character. 

Ruth. Ay, I have. I have learned my missis's true cha- 
racter. 

Mrs. V. B. Ruth, how have I injured you, that even you 
turn against me ? 1 loved you, Ruth ! 

Ruth (ivith some emotion). You ha'n't injured me, but I'm a 

K 



130 CHARITY. 

'spectable woman. You've made me 'spectable, and you must 
bide the consequence. (To Mr. SMAILEY.) You want the 
burial-ticket of Captain Van Brugh's dead wife? 

Mr. 8. Yes ; I have offered 50 for it. 

Ruth. Gi' us the money. 

Mr. S. Why ? 

Ruth. I've got the paper. 

Mr. S. How ? How did you get it ? 

Ruth. No odds how. I've got it. 

Mr. S. Give it to me, and you shall be paid. 

Ruth. Nay, I must ha' the brass first. 

Mr. S. As soon as I've verified it you shall be paid. 

Ruth. Maybe you'll take some time over it. I must ha' the 
brass. 

Mr. S. (giving her a banknote.) There is the money, but 
mind, if you are deceiving me, there is a constable outside. 

Ruth. No fear. (Tears up the note.) 

Mr. S. You fool, what have you done ! Give me the paper. 

Ruth. I'll give it to him. (Indicating FITZ-PAKTINGTON, who 
has come between them.) 

Fitz. (takes paper and reads). " St. Andrew's Church, Port 
Philip, 17 July, 1858." 

Mr. S. '58 ! Why, she died in '691 know she died in '69. 
This is some forgery. We shall want the constable yet. 

Fitz. This is some forgery. We shall want the constable 
yet. (Reads.) " This is to certify that on the above date I 
read the burial service over the remains of Martha Vane, of Port 
Philip." (SMAILEY sinks into a chair.) 

Dr. A. Martha Vane ! 

Mrs. V. B. That was her maiden name, the name under 
which she passed when she left her husband. 

Mr. S. (much confused). This is not what I advertised for. 

Fitz. No, but it's what /advertised for. 

Mr. S. You ? What have you to do with this? 

Fitz. I was engaged to trace this forgery to you at the time 
when you engaged me to undermine the character of this in- 
estimable lady. In strict compliance with the terms of our 
contract, you have allowed me the free run of all your books, 
papers, and memoranda, and I am much obliged to you. 

Fred, (who has heard this with the greatest concern). Father ! 
Tell them that it's a lie. 

Fitz. It ain't a lie. The case is only too clear. Tredgett and 
he were both in it, but she turns Queen's evidence. Mr. 
Smailey, I desire to press hardly on no fellow-creature, but vour 



CHARITY. 131 

own policeman is without, and he will be happy to walk off 
with you whenever you find it convenient to be arrested. (About 
to touch SMAILEY on shoulder.} 

Fred. Father, tell them that it's a lie. (To FITZ.) Keep 
your hands off him stand back it's a lie, I tell you. Stand 
back, or I shall do you a mischief. Father, whatever others 
believe of you, 7 believe you to be the best and truest man on 
earth. For my sake, for the sake of my belief, tell them that 
it's a lie. For the love of God, tell them it's a lie. 

Mr. S. I have nothing to say, my boy; I have lied enough. 
Fred. But they will take you away ! Great Heaven, think 
what will follow ! 

Mr. S. I care not what may follow. Whatever punishment 
may be in store for me, will be as nothing compared to the 
bitter shame of my degradation in the eyes of my poor boy, 
whom I have loved. He will desert me now ! And what 
matters the rest what matters the rest? 

Fred. Father, I swear that where you are, there will I be to 
the end. 

Mr. S. Heaven bless you for that. 

Fred. Whatever you may have been whatever I may have 
been I am your son, and I love you ; and I will be with you 
to the end ! 

Mr. S. And the end is at hand. 
Fitz. And the end is at hand. 

[Exeunt FREDERICK SMAILEY, followed by FITZ-PAR- 
TINGTON. EVE stretches out her arms towards FREDERICK 
as lie goes, but he does not see her. 

Ruth (who, during the preceding dialogue, has been kneeling 
at Mrs. VAX BURGH'S feet). Mistress, my good and kind mis- 
tress, I had that paper in safe keeping miles away. I walked 
day and night to fetch it. It was hard to have to leave you in 
your sorrow, but none other could have got it. My mistress, 
my pure and perfect mistress, my angel from heaven, we will 
never part again. 

Mrs. V. B. We will never part again, Ruth. Under the 
guidance of our loving friend, we will sail to the new land, 
where, humbly as becomes penitents, cheerfully as becomes 
those who have hope, earnestly as becomes those who speak out 
of the fulness of their experience, we will teach lessons of loving- 
kindness, patience, faith, forbearance, hope, and charity. 
Dr. A. " And the greatest of these is CHARITY." 



THE PRINCESS. 

A WHIAISICAL ALLEGORY. 
(Being a Respectful Perversion of Mr. Tennyson's Pcem.) 



DRAMATIS PERSONS. 



KING HILDEBRAND ......... MR. DAVID FISHER. 

PRINCE HILARION, his Son ...... Miss MARIA SIMPSON 

(MRS. W. H. LISTON). 

CYRIL, ) his friends, Noblemen of King f Miss AUGUSTA THOMSON. 
FLORIAN, J Bildebrand's Court \ Miss MONTGOMERY. 

KING GAMA ... ... ... ... MR. ELLIOTT. 

PRINCE ARAC \ i Miss JESSIE EARLE. 

PRINCE GURON his Sons I Miss HARRINGTON. 

PRINCE SCYNTHIUS ) ( Miss EWELL. 

ATHO, King Hildebrand's Chamberlain... MR. FRANKS. 
FIRST OFFICER ............ MR. ARTHUR BROWN. 

SECOND OFFICER ............ MR. DAVIS. 

GOBBO ...... a Porter ... MR. ST. MAUR. 

| Daughter of King Gama, \ 

PRINCESS IDA j and Principal of the | Miss MATTIE REINHARDT. 
Ladies' 1 University. } 



LADT P^HK M '<* Fr ADD,. 



LAD. BLANCH, { ? 

MELISSA, her daughter ... ... ... Miss PATTI JOSEPHS. 

BERTHA \ Miss JOY. 



ADA 



Undergraduates 



SYLVIA 
PHCEBE 



Miss CLYFOARD. 
Miss MOORE. 
Miss ALMA. 
Miss EVERARD. 

VMlSS FlTZJAMES. 



PHYLLIS ... ... ... ... ... Miss CORINNE. 

AMARANTHE ............ Miss GRAHAM. 

LAURA ............... Miss CLARA. 

Undergraduates, Soldiers } Courtiers, Pages, etc. 



THE PRINCESS. 

SCENE FIRST. Court in King Hildebrand' s Palace. 

KING HILDEBRAND, discovered seated, in gloomy mood 
FLORIAN and other COURTIERS discovered looking off through 
telescopes CYRIL standing by the KING. 

HilJe. See you no sign of Gama ? 

Flori. None, my liege. 

Hilde. It's very odd indeed ! If Gama fails 
To put in an appearance at our court, 
Before the sun has set in yonder west, 
And fails to bring the Princess Ida here 
To whom our son Hilarion was betrothed 
At the extremely early age of one 
There's war between King Gama and ourself. 
(Aside to CYRIL.) Oh, Cyril, how I dread this interview ! 
It's twenty years since he and I have met. 
He was a twisted monster all awry, 
As though Dame Nature, angry with her work, 
Had crumbled it in fitful petulance ! 

Cyril. But, sir, a twisted and ungainly trunk 
Often bears goodly fruit perhaps he was 
A kind, well-spoken gentleman? 

Hilde. Oh no 

For, adder-like, his sting lay in his tongue ! 
His bitter insolence still rankles here, 
Although a score of years have come and gone ! 
His outer man, gnarled, knotted as it was, 
Seemed to his cruel and cynical within, 
Hyperion to a Saturday Review ! 

Cyril. Oh, bear with him he is an old, old man. 
Old men are fretful peevish, as we know. 
A worm will sometimes turn so will the milk 
Of human kindness, if it's kept too long. 

Flori. (looking through glass). But stay, my liege ; o'er 

yonder mountain's brow 
Comes a small body bearing Gama's arms ; 



136 THE PRINCESS. 

And, now I look more closely at it, sir, 
I see attached to it King Gama's legs ; 
From which I gather this corollary 
That that small body must be Gama's own 1 

Hilde. Ha ! Is the Princess with him ? 

Flori. Well, my liege, 

Unless her ladyship is six feet high, 
And wears moustachios, too, and smokes cigars, 
And rides en cavalier, in coat of mail, 
I do not think she is. 

Hilde. (excited}. Come, bustle there ! 
For Gama, place the richest robes we have ! 
For Gama, place the coarsest prison dress ! 
For Gama, let our best spare bed be aired ! 
For Gama, let our deepest dungeon yawn ! 
For Gama, lay the costliest banquet out ! 
For Gama, place cold water and dry bread ! 
For as King Gama brings the Princess here, 
Or brings her not, so shall King Gama have 
Much more than everything much less than nothing ! 

Enter PEINCE HILAEION. 

Ililar. Well, father, is there news for me, at last ? 

Hilde. My son, King Gama's host is now in sight : 
Prepare to meet the fascinating bride 
To whom you were betrothed so long ago. 
Why, how you sigh ! 

Ililar. My liege, I'm much afraid 

The Princess Ida has not come with him. 

Hilde. And why ? 

Hilar. I've heard she has forsworn the world, 

And, with a band of women, shut herself 
Within a lonely country house, and there 
Devotes herself to stern philosophies. 

Hilde. Then, I should say, the loss of such a wife 
Is one to which a reasonable man 
Would easily be reconciled. 

Hilar. Oh no 

Or I am not a reasonable man. 
She is my wife : has been for twenty years. 

Hilde. That's true you were a baby in long clothes 
When you gained Ida's heart and she gained yours. 

Ililar. Yes I remember each of us was won ! 



THE PRINCESS. 137 

I think I see her now ! (Looking through telescope.) 

Hilde. Ha ! let me look ! 

Hilar. In my mind's eye, I mean a blushing bride- 
All bib and tucker frill and furbelow ! 
How exquisite she looked as she was borne 
llecurnbent in the monthly nurse's arms ! 
How the bride wept ! nor would be com forte 
Until the hireling mother-for-the-nonce 
Administered refreshment in the vestry. 
And I remember feeling much annoyed 
That she should weep at marrying with me ; 
" But then," I thought, " these brides are all alike ! 
Cry on, young lady brides are bound to cry. 
You cry at marrying me ? How much more cause 
You'd have to cry if it were broken off! " 
These were my thoughts I kept them to myself, 
For, at that age, I had not learnt to speak. 

Hilde. Your memory is singularly good. 

Hilar. Do you remember, too, the wedding feast 
Eolls steeped in milk, and other softened food, 
Fit for our undeveloped little gums ? 
And talk of drink, I never shall forget, 
How merrily we passed that nursing-bottle ! 
A curly-headed patriarch of three 
The Princess Ida's uncle then proposed 
The happy couple's health the bridesmaids then, 
Fifteen in number, each six weeks of age, 
Began to weep the fifteen groomsmen, too 
(The eldest of them eighteen months or so), 
Wept also then, remembering they were men, 
Dashed from their eyes the unaccustomed brine ! 
We parted then and since, for twenty years, 
We have not met. It seems quite strange that she 
Should have become a woman in the while ! 
She speaks a hundred languages, I'm told. 

Hilde. Your late mamma had mastered only one, 
Yet she was never at a loss for words ! 

Hilar. But think how useful is a wife who can 
Express her fancies in a hundred tongues. 

Hilde. You will find one, of average length, enough. 

Hilar. I've heard she hopes to make all women swear 
That they'll abjure, for aye, the tyrant Man 1 
She's far before the age in which she lives ! 

Hilde. At all events she's singular in that; 



138 THE PRINCESS. 

Most grown-up ladies of our court give out 
That they are several years behind their age ! 

Hilar. A woman thus endowed should have been born 
A century hence, at least ! 

Eilde. The day will come 

When you will most devoutly wish she had. 

Enter CYEIL. 

Cyril. My liege, King Grama's train is at the gate 
And prays admission. 

Hilde. Cyril, show him in. 

Though Princess Ida wore a Gorgon's head, 
He shall not tamper with King Hildebrand ! 

Flourish Procession. Enter CYRIL, FLORIAN and COURT, 
ushering KING GAMA, and one ATTENDANT. 

Gama. So this is Castle Hildebrand ? well, well- 
Dame Rumour whispered that the place was grand ; 
She told me that your taste was exquisite 
Superb unparalleled 

Hilde. Oh, really, king 

Gama. But she's a liar ! Why, how old you've grown ! 
Is this Hilarion ? why, you've changed, too ! 
You were a singularly handsome child ! 
(To CYRIL.) Are you a courtier? Come, then, ply your 

trade ! 

Tell me some lies : how do you like your king ? 
Vile Rumour says he's all but imbecile 
Now that's not true ! 

Cyril. My lord, we love our king : 

His wise remarks are valued by his court 
As precious stones. 

Gama. And for the self- same cause I 

Like precious stones the wit of Hildebrand 
Derives its value from its scarcity! 
Come now, be honest, tell the truth for once, 
Tell it of me ! Come, come, I'll harm you not ! 
This leg is crooked this foot is ill-designed 
This shoulder wears a hump come, out with it ! 
Look, here's my face now am I not the worst 
Of Nature's blunders ? 

Hilar. Nature never errs ; 



THE PRINCESS. 139 

To those who know the workings of your mind, 
Your face and figure, sir, suggest a book 
Appropriately bound. 

Gama. Why, harkye, sir ! 

How dare you bandy words with me? 

Hilar. No need 

To bandy aught that appertains to you. 

Gama (to HILDEBRAXD). Do you permit this, king ? 

Hilde. We are in doubt 

Whether to treat you as an honoured guest, 
Or as a traitor knave who plights his word 
And breaks it ! 

Gama. If the casting vote's with me 

I give it for the former. 

Hilde. We shall see : 

By the terms of our contract, signed and sealed, 
You're bound to-day to bring the Princess here 
To join her spouse. Why is she not with you ? 

Gama. Why? Come, I'll tell you, if you'll answer 

this : 

What think you of a wealthy purse-proud man 
Who, when he calls upon a starving friend, 
Pulls out his gold, and nourishes his notes, 
And flashes diamonds in the pauper's eyes 
What name have you for such an one ? 

Hilde. A snob ! 

Gama. Just so : King Hildebrand, I am no snob. 
The girl has beauty, virtue, learning, wit, 
Grace, humour, wisdom, charity, and pluck. 
Would it be kindly, think you, to parade 
These brilliant qualities before your eyes? 
Oh no, King Hildebrand, I am no snob ! 

Hilde. But hang it, man, the contract that we signed 
Some twenty years ago 

Gama. Why, here's good news ! 

(To Court.) At last your king is going to redeem 
His lengthy list of broken promises 
And very properly, as wise men should, 
Begin at the beginning ! 

Hilde. Stop that tongue, 

Or you shall lose the monkey head that holds it I 
Oh, I'll be even with you, yet, for this. 

Gama. Bravo ! Your king deprives me of my head, 
That he and I may meet on equal terms 1 



i 4 o THE. PRINCESS. 

Hilde. Of this anon we'll try the force of arms 
Where is she now? 

Gama. In Castle Adamant- 

One of my many country houses. There 
She rules a woman's University, 
With full five hundred girls who learn of her. 

Cyril. Five hundred girls ! Five hundred ecstasies ! 

Gama. But no mere girls, my good young gentleman ! 
With all the college learning that you boast, 
The youngest there will prove a match for you ! 

Cyril. With all my heart, if she's the prettiest ! 
Fancy five hundred matches all alight ! 
That's if I strike them, as I hope to do. 

Gama. Despair your hope their hearts are dead to 

man. 

He who desires to gain their favour must 
Be qualified to strike their teeming brains, 
And not their hearts ! They're safety-matches, sir, 
Arid they light only on the knowledge box, 
So you've no chance ! 

Hilar. We'll try, at all events. 

I'll take no soldiers, father, in my train 
Cyril and Florian here will go with me, 
And we will storm them ere the week is out. 

Gama. That's brave ! They're only women storm 
away ! 

Hilar. Oh, don't mistake us, sir; we mean to storm 
Their eyes and hearts, and not their citadel. 
With sigh we'll charge our mines and counter-mines, 
Dance steps shall be our scaling ladders, with 
Those croquet mallets for our battering rains. 
Fair flowers shall bear the only blades we wield, 
Our eyes shall be our very deadliest darts, 
And bon-bon crackers our artillery ! 

Gama. And so you think to conquer them with sighs? 
My good young gentleman, a sigh, to them, 
Is simply an exceptionally marked 
Contraction of the intercostal muscles 1 
Croquet is interesting only when 
It illustrates familiar theories 
Of incidental and reflecting angles. 
Fair flowers, to them, are mere embodiments 
Of calyx, pistil, stamina, and petal. 
Expressive eyes would have their charm, no doubt 



THE PRINCESS. 141 

Hilar. Of course ! 

Qama. But only, be it understood, 

As illustrating theories of vision ! 

But here are letters take them if you like 

Perhaps she's tired of disobedience, 

And may admit you. 

Hilde. Good : Hilarion, go ; 

Take Florian and Cyril, as you say. 
King Gama, we detain you pris'ner here, 
As hostage for the safety of our son. 

Gama. A prisoner? Why, what should I do hero 
At Castle Hildebrand? I am not mad ! 

Hilde. You can amuse yourself by fancying 
That there's an execution in our house, 
And you're the party in possession or 
That we are dead and you've succeeded us. 
In short, suppose whatever state of things 
Would offer you the greatest happiness. 

Gama (to HILARION). You run a risk, my friend; so 

take good heed, 

For no one knows her temper but myself : 
(To KING.) Since her betrothal, king, until the day 
When she abjured all male society, 
I was the only man she ever saw ! 

Hilar. Oh, that explains the mystery at once, 
And simplifies our task come, Florian, 
And we will show these maidens what they've lost. 

[Exeunt HILARION, FLORIAN, and CYRIL. 



SCENE SECOND. The Gates of Castle Adamant. 
Enter GOBBO, with ladies' roles on his arm. 

Golbo. More robes for undergraduates ! I suppose 
Some students are expected here to-day. 
No girl without a robe may pass those gates ! 
They are so proud of these here caps and gowns, 
They hardly like to take 'em off a-night ! 
They even wear (or so I've heard it said) 
Night-caps and night-gowns when they go to bed ! 

[Exit into porter's lodge. 



I 4 2 THE PRINCESS. 



Enter HILARION, CYRIL, and FLORIAN. 

Hilar. So, here's the Princess Ida's castle ? Well, 
They must be lovely girls if it requires 
Such walls as these to keep intruders off ! 

Cyril. To keep men off is only half their charge, 
And that the easier half. I much suspect 
The object of these walls is not so much 
To keep men off as keep the maidens in ! 

Hilar. Here lives the porter, Cyril. I'll be bound 
He's quite as learned as the rest of them, 
Half Newton and half Bacon ! Here he comes. 

Enter GOBBO /row lodge. 

Cyril. Half Bacon ? No, all Bacon, I should say ! 

Gobbo. Now then, what is it ? 

Hilar. I'm a royal prince ; 

These gentlemen are followers of mine ; 
We hold King Gama's letters, charging you 
To bear us safely to the Council Hall, 
In which the Princess Ida holds her state. 

Gobbo. Ho! ho! ho! ho! 

Hilar, How now ? you mock at us ? (Draws sword.) 

Cfobbo. Mock you? Why, bless your heart and soul 

alive, 

No man may place his foot within those walls ; 
It's death to disobey our Princess, sir ! 

Mori. It's double death to disobey your king! (Draws.) 

Cyril. It's treble death to disobey ourselves ! (Draws.) 

Gobbo. But, sirs, I am the only man alive 
Who ever enters ! 

Flori. You? 

Gobbo. Yes ! Once a year 

I am led through their ranks that they may see 
What sort of thing's a man ! " See here ! " she cries. 
" See this is what you lose in losing man ! 
This is a courtly knight well born, well formed ! " 
(I'm comely, sirs ; but, bless you, I'm no knight !) 
" Look, girls," she cries, " this is a courtly knight 
A type of all that's beautiful in man ! " 
(Aloud.) And then they make me gibber, squeak, and mow ; 
Then, with much deference and mock courtesy, 



THE PRINCESS. 143 

They bow me to my duty at the gate ! 

Flor. Are there no males whatever in those walls ? 

Golbo. None, gentlemen, excepting letter mails ! 
And they are driven (as males often are 
In other large communities) by women 1 
If you'll believe me, gentlemen, I swear, 
She's so confoundedly particular, 
She'll scarcely suffer Dr. Watts's hymns ; 
And all the animals she owns are " hers " ! 
The ladies rise at cockcrow every morn 

Hilar. Oh, then they have male poultry ! 

Gobbo. Not at all. 

(Confidentially.} The Growing's done by an accomplished 
hen ! 

Cyril. And what are these ? (Looking at robes in lodye.} 

Gobbc. The academic robes, 

Worn by the lady undergraduates 
When they matriculate. 

Hilar. I'll try one on. (Does so.) 
Why, see I'm covered to the very toes ! 
Ha ! I've a proposition ! 

Flori. State it, then. 

Ililar. Suppose we dress ourselves as girls, and claim 
Admission to this University ? 
It is a thing we've often done at home 
In amateur theatricals. You know 
How well I play viragos in burlesque ! 

Flori. My Cleopatra, too remember that ! 

Cyril. My Mrs. Bouncer, too, in " Box and Cox " ! 

Hilar. Wilt play the woman, then ? 

Cyril. Of course! What knight 

Would hesitate to " take a woman's part " ? 

Quartette. HILARION, CYRIL, FLORIAN, and GOBBO, as 
they dress themselves in women's clothes. 

" Les Trois Cousines " (La Perichole}. 

Flori. If we arc hailed with any query, 

Say we are nice young ladies, three ; 
Who of the world terribly weary, 

Enter a University. 
Such lovely girls, ha, ha, ha ha ! 
All. Such lovely girls, ha, ha, ha, ha ! 



i 4 4 THE PRIX CESS. 

Cyril. We will declare to them that lately, 

We have been bored with suitors stately, 
And we prefer young ladies greatly 

Sorry to say that that's too true ! 
All. Sorry to say that that's too true ! 
Eilar. We must take care when we are talking, 

Never our manly tastes to show ; 
Hold up our dresses thus in walking, 

Showing an inch of ankle so ! 

All. Showing an inch of ankle so ! 

Such lovely girls, ha, ha, ha, ha ! 

Such lovely girls, ha, ha, ha, ha ! 

GoUbo (in terror}. But, gentlemen, observe if you 

do this, 
What's to become of me ? 

Eilar. I do not know 

What will become of you if we do this ; 
But I can read the fate in store for you 
If you presume to interfere with us. 
Now, porter, say to whom we should apply 
To gain admission. 

Gobbo {in tears). Why, to Lady Blanche 
Or Lady Psyche. 

Flori. Which is prettier ? 

Gobbo. Well, /like Lady Blanche by far the best. 
Flori. Then we declare for Lady Blanche at once, 
Gobbo. You see, she's more my age the other one 
Is young and pretty ! {Contemptuously.) 

Cyril. Bah ! Then I retract ; 

We will be Psyche's interesting charge ! 
So go and summon her. (GOBBO rings, and then exit.) 

Flori. But stop a bit, 

What will your father think of such a scheme ? 
Cyril. Oh, he be dashed ! 

Hilar. Extremely shocked I am ! 

Cyril. I meant my sire 
Hilar. I thought you meant your " dam " 1 

Enter LADY PSYCHE from gate, attended. 

Psyche. Who summons us ? 

Hilar. Three would-be students, ma'am- 

Three noble ladies, ma'am, of good estate, 
Who wish to join this University. {They curtsey.) 



THE PRINCESS. 145 

Psyche. If, as you say, you wish to join our ranks, 
And will conform with all our rules, 'tis well ; 
But understand you must adapt yourselves 
To all the regulations now in force, 
In Princess Ida's University. 

Hilar. To all its rules we cheerfully subscribe. 

Flori. (aside to HILABION). Here's a catastrophe, Hilu- 

rion! 

This is my sister ! She'll remember me, 
Though years have passed since she and I have met ! 
Hilar. No matter, hide your face she'll know you not. 
Psyche. You say you're noblewomen well, you'll find 
No sham degrees for noblewomen, here 
Or other cruel contrivances to draw 
An arbitrary line 'twixt rich and poor. 
No butteries, or other institutes, 
To make poor students feed rich cooks no tufts. 
To mark nobility ; except such tufts 
As indicate nobility of brain. 
As to your fellow-students, mark me well 
There are five hundred maidens in these walls 
All good, all learned, and all beautiful. 
You must select your intimates from these ; 
They are prepared to love you ; will you swear 
You'll do your best to love them in return ? 

Flori. Upon our words and honours, ma'am, we will ! 
Psyche. And will you swear that if, by any chance, 
You're thrown into a man's society, 
You'll not allow your thoughts to stray from us, 
But, at the earliest opportunity, 
You'll give up his society for ours ? 

Cyril. All this, dear madam, cheerfully we swear. 
Psyche. But we go further : will you undertake 
That you will never marry any man ? 
Flori. Indeed we never will ! 
Psyche. Consider well, 

You must prefer our maids to all mankind ! 

Hilar. To all mankind we much prefer your maids ! 
Cyril. We should be dolts, indeed, if we did not, 

Seeing how fair 

Hilar. (aside to CYRIL). Take care, that's rather strong ! 
(Aloud.) We have seen men of wealth ay, princes, too 
Whose beauty has been so remarkable, 
That half the maidens in our monarch's court 

i, 



1 46 THE PRINCESS. 

Have pined away and died for love of them ! 
These men Apollos in their manly grace, 
Indeed in everything (except in that 
They wore a proper quantity of clothes) 
We think of with profound indifference, 
But, when we see a woman who excels 
In virtue, scholarship, and loveliness, 
We long to lay our heads upon her breast, 
And join our lives with hers ! 

Psyche. Why, that's well said ; 

But have you left no lovers at your home, 
Who may pursue you here ? 

Hilar. No, madam, none 

We're homely ladies, as no doubt you see, 
And we have never fished for lover's love 
We smile at girls who deck themselves with gems, 
False hair, and meretricious ornaments, 
To chain the fleeting fancy of a man ; 
But do not imitate them. What we have 
Of hair is all our own our colour, too, 
Unladylike, but not unwomanly, 
Is but the glow of rugged, boisterous health ; 
Our gait, untrammelled by the influence 
Of high-heeled boots, small waists, and Grecian bends, 
May seem undignified but then we walk 
As Nature meant us to and man has learnt 
To reckon Nature an impertinence ! 

Psyche. I know how coldly men regard a girl, 
Whose beauty is her poorest excellence ; 
But beauty goes for nothing in these walls. 
You'll find yourselves appreciated here : 
If what you say is true, you'll spend with us 
A happy, happy time ! 

Cyril. If, as you say, 

Five hundred lovely maidens wait within 
To welcome us with smiles and open arms, 
I think there's very little doubt we shall ! 

[Exeunt into' Castle, 



THE PRINCESS. 147 



SCENE THIRD. Grounds <ff Castle Adamant; Waterfall 
and Stream, crossed by rustic bridge; GIRL-STUDENTS 
discovered grouped about the stage, occupied with phi- 
losophical instruments, etc. 

Ada. I shall be quite alone, dear, in my rooms, 
So come and spend a long, long evening do ! 
And bring your steam-engine ! 

Chloe. Oh, that I will ! 

And you shall show me all your nice new things 
That quadrant and the anemometer ; 
And oh, that darling, darling dumpy-level 
I've heard so much about ! 

Lydia. My love, I see 

You've got another new theodolite. 
(Aside to CHLOE.) That's the fifteenth this month 1 The 

one I used 

Went out of fashion half a year ago ! 
Oh, I've a bit of scandal ! What d'you think? 
Melissa found a billet-doux, concealed 
In that Egyptian mummy we unrolled 
Last night. Just think of that ! 

Enter MELISSA, from bridge, running. 

Melissa. I say, my dear, 

I have such news for you ! I've just been shown 
The robe for doctors of divinity. 
Oh, it's the sweetest thing ! Magenta silk, 
Trimmed with chinchilla, bouillonne behind, 
Gored to the figure, though ; and on the skirt, 
Two rows of Cluny lace as deep as that ! 

Chloe. Oh my ! how lovely ! 

Melissa. Then the trencher cap 

Is amber satin, trimmed with Cluny lace 
And rows of pearls ; and round the outer edge 
The tiniest, tiniest rosebuds in the world ! 

Ada (to CHLOE). It's much more lovely than the legal 

gown- 
Green grenadine, with ruchings down the front, 
That we shall wear. 

Chloe (pouting). I shall give up the law 



148 THE PRINCESS. 

And go into the church ! I've always felt 
A serious longing for a parson's life ; 
Besides, I'm dark, and look a fright in green ! 

Sacha. Take care, here's Lady Blanche. How stern she 
looks ! 

Enter LADY BLANCHE, L. GIRLS study vigorously. 

Blanche. Attention, ladies, while I read to you 
The Princess Ida's list of punishments : 
The first is Sacharissa. She's expelled. 

All. Expelled! 

Blanche. Expelled because, although she knew 

No man of any kind may see these halls, 
She dared to bring a set of chessmen here ! 

Sacha. (in tears). I meant no harm they're only men 
of wood ! 

Blanche. They're men with whom you give each other 

mate 
And that's enough ! The next is Sylvia 

Sylvia. Oh ! 

Blanche. Sylvia is rusticated for a month 
Because, in spite of all our college rules 
Upon the point, she dared to put three rows 
Of lace insertion round her graduate's gown ! 
Phyllis will lose three terms, for yesterday, 
When, looking through her drawing-book, I found 
A sketch of a perambulator ! 

All (shocked). Oh ! 

Blanche. Double perambulator, shameless girl ! 
That's all at present. Now, attention, please ; 
Your principal, the Princess, comes to give 
Her usual inaugural address, 
To those young ladies who joined yesterday. 

March. Enter the PRINCESS, over bridge, attended l>y eight 
" daughters of the plough" (All curtsey profoundly.) 

Princess. Women of Adamant fair neophytes, 
Who pant for the instruction we can give, 
Attend, while I unfold a parable : 
The elephant is stronger than the man, 
Yet man subdues him. Why ? The elephant 
Is elephantine everywhere but here (tapping forehead). 



THE PRINCESS. 149 

And Man, whose brain is to the elephant's 

As Woman's brain to Man's that's rule of three 

Conquers the foolish giant of the woods, 

As Woman, in her turn, shall conquer Man. 

In mathematics Woman leads the way ! 

The narrow-minded pedant still believes 

That two and two make four ! Why, we can prove 

We women, household drudges as we are 

That two and two make five or three or seven 

Or five and twenty, as the case demands ! 

Finance ? Why, I've heard clever men declare, 

Their bankers' balance being overdrawn, 

They don't know where to turn for ready cash, 

Yet wilfully ignoring all the while 

That remedy unfailing draw a cheque! 

Diplomacy ? The wily diplomate 

Is absolutely helpless in our hands : 

He wheedles monarchs Woman wheedles him I 

Logic ? Why, tyrant man himself admits 

It's waste of time to argue with a woman ! 

Then we excel in social qualities 

Though man professes that he holds our sex 

In utter scorn, I'll undertake to say, 

If you could read the secrets of his heart, 

He'd rather be alone with one of you 

Than with five hundred of his fellow-men ! 

In all things we excel. Believing this, 

Five hundred maidens here have sworn to place 

Their foot upon his neck. If we succeed, 

We'll treat him better than he treated us ; 

But if we fail oh, then let hope fail too ! 

Let no one care one penny how she looks ! 

Let red be worn with yellow blue with green, 

Crimson with scarlet violet with blue ! 

Let all your things misfit, and you yourselves 

At inconvenient moments come undone ! 

Let hair-pins lose their virtue ; let the hook 

Disdain the fascination of the eye, 

The bashful button modestly evade 

The soft embraces of the button-hole ! 

Let old associations all dissolve, 

Let Swan secede from Edgar Grant from Gask, 

Sewell from Cross Lewis from Allcnby 

In other words, let Chaos come again ! 



150 THE PRINCESS. 

Who lectures in the Upper Hall to-day ? 

Blanche. I, madam, on Abstract Philosophy. 
There, I propose considering at length 
Three points the Is, the Might Be, and the Must. 
Whether the Is, from being actual fact, 
Is more important than the vague Might Be, 
Or the Might Be, from taking wider scope, 
Is, for that reason, greater than the Is, 
And lastly, how the Is and Might Be stand 
Compared with the inevitable Must. 

Prin. The subject's deep how do you treat it, pray ? 

Blanche. Madam, I take three Possibilities, 
And strike a balance then between the three, 
As thus the Princess Ida Is our head 
The Lady Psyche Might Be Lady Blanche- 
Neglected Blanche inevitably Must. 
Given these three hypotheses to find 
The actual betting against each of them ! 
Come, girls ! [Exeunt LADY BLANCHE and STUDENTS. 

Prin. (looking after her). Ambitious fool. And do you 

think you can 

Provide this college with a head? Go, go! 
Provide yourself with one you want it more ! 

Enter LADY PSYCHE, over bridge, conducting HILARION, 
FLORIAN, and CYRIL. 

Lady P. Here is the Princess Ida's favourite grove, 
And here's the Princess. (To PRINCESS.) These are ladies 

three 
Who join our College. 

Hilar. (aside to CYRIL). Gods! how beautiful! 
Prin. What special study do you seek, my friend ? 
Hilar. (enraptured). Madam, I come that I may learn 

to live, 
For, if I come not here, I die ! 

Prin. (laughing}. Indeed? 

Your case is desperate ! We welcome you. 
We meet at luncheon until then, farewell ! 

[Exit PRINCESS. 
Flori. (aside to HILARION). When Psyche sees my face, 

I'm confident 

She'll recognize her brother Florian. 
Let's make a virtue of necessity, 



THE PRINCESS. 151 

And trust our secret to her gentle care. 



(HlLARION 

(Aloud) Psyche ! Why, don't you know me Florian ? 

(PSYCHE amazed.) 

Psyche. Why, Florian ! 

Flori. My sister ! 

Psyche. Oh, my dear, 

What are you doing here nnd who are these ? 

Hilar. I am that Prince Hilarion to whom 
STonr Princess is betrothed I come to claim 
Her promised love your brother Florian, here, 
And Cyril come to see me safely through. 

Psyche. The Prince Hilarion ! Cyril too ! How strange ! 
My earliest playfellows ! 

Hilar. (astonished). Why, let me look ! 
Are you that learned little Psyche who 
At school alarmed her mates because she called 
A buttercup " ranunculus bulbosus " ? 

Cyril. Are you indeed that Lady Psyche, who 
At children's parties drove the conjuror wild, 
Explaining all his tricks before he did them? 

Hilar. Are you that learned little Pysche, who 
At dinner parties brought into dessert 
Would tackle visitors with " you don't know 
Who first determined longitude I do 
Hipparchus 'twas, B.C. one sixty three ! " 
Are you indeed that little Psyche, then ? 

Psyche. That small phenomenon in truth am I ! 
But, gentlemen, 'tis death to enter here 
My vow will make me speak. What shall I do ? 
This palace is a rat-trap we the bait 
And you the foolish victims ! 

Cyril. Be it so 

A prisoned rat, before he dies the death, 
Has liberty to nibble at the bait ! (Kisses her.) 

Psyche. Forbear, sir pray you know not what yon 

do! 
We have all promised to renounce mankind. 

Hilar. But on what grounds do you, fair Psyche, base 
This senseless resolution? 

Psyche. Senseless ? No ! 

It's based upon the grand hypothesis, 
That as the Ape is undeveloped Man 
So Man is undeveloped Woman, 



152 THE PRINCESS. 

Hilar. Then, 

This, of all others, is the place for us ! 

Enter MELISSA unperceived, at back; she listens in 

astonishment. 

I f Man is only undeveloped Woman, 
We men, if we work very hard indeed, 
And do our utmost to improve ourselves 
May in good time be woman ! Though I own 
Up to this point (as far as I'm aware) 
The metamorphosis has not commenced. 

Melissa (coming down). Oh, Lady Psyche ! 

Psyche (startled). What you heard us, then ? 

Oh, all is lost ! 

Melissa. Not so ; I'll breathe no word. 

(Advancing in astonishment to FLORIAN.) 
How marvellously strange ! And are you then, 
Indeed, young men ? 

Flori. Well, yes just now we are ; 

But hope, by dint of study, to become, 
In course of time, young women ! 

Melissa (eagerly). No ! no ! no ! 

Oh, don't do that ! Is this indeed a man ? 
I've often heard of them, but till this day 
Never set eyes on one. They told me men 
Were hideous, idiotic, and deformed ! 
They're quite as beautiful as women are! 
(Patting FLORIAN'S cheek.) Their cheeks have not that 

pulpy softness which 
One gets so weary of in womankind ! 
Their features are more marked, and oh ! their chins 

(feeling his chin) 
How curious ! 

Flori. I fear it's rather rough. 

Melissa. Oh, don't apologize I like it so ! 
But I forgot ; my mother, Lady Blanche, 
Is coming and her eyes are very keen 
She will detect you, sir ! 

Hilar. Oh, never fear ! 

We saw her ladyship an hour ago ; 
She seemed to have suspicions of our sex, 
And showed us robes, and gave us needlework, 
As though to test us. Well, we did the work 



THE PRINCESS. 153 

Like seamstresses and named the various stuffs, 
As if we'd spent a fall apprenticeship 
At Swan and Edgar's ! 



Enter LADY BLANCHE. Exeunt the three GENTLEMEN with 

LADY PSYCHE. 

Blanche (aside to MELISSA). Here, Melissa hush ! 
Those are the three new students ? 

Melissa (confused"). Yes, they are 

They're charming girls ! 

Blanche (sarcastically}. Particularly so ! 
So graceful, and so very womanly ; 
So skilled in all a girl's accomplishments ! 

Melissa (confused). Yes, very skilled ! 

Blanche. You stupid little fool ! 

Awhile ago, I placed before their eyes 
Some Cluny lace they called it Valenciennes 
Hemming is stitching so at least they say 
A gusset is a gore a tuck's a flounce 
Merino's cotton linen's calico 
Poplin is silk, and rep is corduroy ! 
I bade them hem a pocket handkerchief 
They placed their thimbles on their forefingers I 
And set about their work as clumsily 
As if they had been men, in girls' disguise ! 

Melissa (trembling). You surely wrong them, Mother 

dear, for see (picking up a case from floor) 
Here is an etui dropped by one of them 
Containing scissors, needles, and 

Blanche (taking it from her, and opening it). Cigars ! ! ! 
Why, these are men ! And you knew this, you cat ! 

Melissa. Oh, spare them they are gentlemen, indeed, 
The Prince Hilarion betrothed long since 
To Princess Ida with two trusted friends ! 
Consider, Mother, he's her husband now ! 
And has been, twenty years ! Consider, too (insidiously'), 
You're only second here you should be first 
Assist the Prince's plan, and when he gains 
The Princess Ida's hand, you will be first! 
You will design the fashions think of that! 
And always serve out all the punishments ! 
The scheme is harmless, Mother wink at it 



154 THE PRINCESS. 

Blanche. The prospect's tempting! Well, well, well, 

I'll try- 
Though I've not winked at anything for years ! 
'Tis but one step towards my destiny 
The mighty Must ! Inevitable Shall ! 

[Exit LADY BLANCHE. 
Melissa. Saved for a while, at least ! 

Enter FLOEIAN. 

Flori. Melissa here ? 

Melissa. Oh, sir, you must away from this at once, 
My Mother guessed your sex it was my fault ; 
I blushed and stammered so, that she exclaimed : 

" Can these be men ? " (then seeing this) "Why, these " 

" Are men I " she would have added, but " are men " 
Stuck in her throat ! She keeps your secret, sir, 
For reasons of her own ; but fly from this, 
And take me with you that is no, not that ! 

Flori. I'll go but not without you. (Bell.) Whv, 
what's that ? 

Melissa. The luncheon bell. 

Flori. I'll wait for luncheon, then. 

See, here's Hilarion with the stern Princess, 
And Cyril with my sister Psyche, too. 

Enter CYRIL with PSYCHE, and HILARION with PRINCESS, 
LADY BLANCHE, also all the other GIRLS, over bridge, 
bearing luncheon, which is spread. They all sit doicn 
and eat, CYRIL drinldng freely. 

Prin. You say you know the Court of Hildebrand? 
There is a prince there I forget his name. 

Eilar. Hilarion? 

Prin. Exactly. Is he well ? 

Hilar. If it is well to droop and pine and mope- 
To sigh, " Oh, Ida ! Ida ! " all day long 
" Ida ! my love ! my life ! Oh, come to me ! " 
If it is well, I say, to do all this, 
Then Prince Hilarion is very well. 

Prin. He breathes our name? Well, it's a common 

one ! 
And is the booby comely ? 

Hilar. Pretty well. 



THE PRINCESS. 155 

I've heard it said that if I dressed myself 
In Prince Hilarion's clothes (supposing this 
Consorted with my maiden modesty), 
I might be taken for Hilarion's self, 
But what is this to you or me, who think 
Of all mankind with unconcealed contempt ? 

Prin. Contempt? Why, damsel, when I think of man, 
Contempt is not the word ! 

Cyril (getting tipsy}. I'm sure of that ; 
Or, if it is, it surely should not be ! 

Eilar. (to CYRIL). Be quiet, idiot, or they'll find us out! 

Cyril. The Prince Hilarion's a goodly lad ! 

Prin. You know him, then ? 

Cyril. I rather think I do! 

We were inseparables. 

Prin. Why, what's this ? 

You loved him, then? (horrified). 

Cyril. We did and do all three ! 

And he loves us sincerely in return ! 

Eilar. (confused). Madam, she jests (aside to CYRIL) 
Remember where you are ! 

Cyril. Jests ? Not at all why, bless my heart alive, 
You and Hilarion, when at the Court, 
Rode the same horse ! 

Prin. Astride ? 

Cyril. Of course why not ? 

Wore the same clothes and once or twice, I think, 
Got tipsy in the same good company ! 

Prin. Well, these are nice young ladies, on my word 

Cyril (to FLORIAN). Don't you remember that old laugh- 



ing song, 



That he and we would troll in unison, 

At the Three Pigeons just when daylight broke ? 

I'll give it you ! 



Sony, CYRIL ; Air Laughing Song from " Manon Lescavt." 

A young and earnest reader, 

Once with a special pleader, 

Was reading for the bar, 

Ha! ha! ha! ha! 
A budding lumiLary, 
Particularly wary, 



156 THE PRINCESS. 

As lovers often are, 

Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! 
He met a lady bright, ha ! ha ! 
'Twas very late at night, ha ! ha ! 
There shone no moon nor star, 

Ha! ha! ha! ha! 
Her head lay on his shoulder, 
And what d'you think he told her ? 

You'll never guess, I know. 
I scarcely like to tell you, 
For fear it should repel you 
Come, whisper, whisper low ! 

No ! no ! no ! no ! no ! no ! no ! no ! 
Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! 
They threaded many mazes, 
Of buttercups and daisies, 
They wandered very far, 

Ha! ha! ha! ha! 
So amiable he found her, 
He put his arms around her, 
And she opposed no bar, 

Ha! ha! ha! ha! 
He squeezed her little fin, ha ! ha ! 
He chucked her little chin, ha ! ha ! 
And christened her his star, 

Ha! ha! ha! ha! 
Her head lay on his shoulder, 
And what d'you think he told her ? 

You'll never guess, I know. 
I'll hazard it and tell you, 
Although it may repel you- 
Come, whisper, whisper low ! 
No ! no ! no ! no ! no ! no ! no ! no ! 
Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! 

{After song he lights a, cigarette.') 

Prin. Infamous creature get you hence away ! 
Eilar. Dog ! Here is something more to sing about ! 

(Strikes him.') 

Cyril (sobered). Hilarion are you mad ? 
Prin. (astonished). Hilarion ? Help ! 

Why, these are men ! Lost ! Lost ! betrayed ! undone ! 

(Running on to bridge.) 
Girls get you hence man-monsters, if you dare 



THE PRINCESS. 157 

Approach one step I ah! (loses balance and falls'). 
Psyche. Oh ! save her, sir ! 

Blanche. It's useless, sir ; you'll only catch your death. 

(HILARION springs in.) 
Sacha. He catches her 

Melissa. And now he lets her go- 

Again she's in his grasp 

Psyche. And now she's not ! 

He seizes her back hair 
Blanche. And it comes off! 

Psyche. No no she's saved ! She's saved ! She's saved ! 

She's saved ! 

(HILARION is seen swimming with the PRINCESS in one 
arm he swims to a bank and the PRINCESS and he 
are brought to land.) 
Prin. You've saved our lives and so have saved your 

own, 
But leave this palace men in women's clothes ! 

Enter LYDIA, running. 

Why, what's the matter now ? 

Lydia. King Hildebrand, 

Holding your father captive, sends to say 
That if Hilarion suffers any harm, 
Your father's life will pay the penalty ; 
Moreover if you do not yield yourself, 
According to the tenor of your oath, 
He will attack you ere to-morrow's dawn 
And force compliance ! 

Prin. Will he so, indeed ? 

We'll teach these men a lesson. (To HILARION.) Get you 

gone! 

You saved our lives we thank you for it go ! 
Arm, Amazons ! We'll show these gentlemen 
How nobly Woman vindicates her claim 
To equal individuality ! 
Arm ! Arm ! This is our opportunity. 

The three GENTLEMEN are thrust forth by the AMAZONS. 

Tableau. 



158 THE PRINCESS. 

SCENE FOURTH. HildebrancVs Camp 'before Ida's Castle. 
Enter HILDEBRAND and GAM A. 

Hilde. The Princess Ida still holds out, although. 
Our camp is fairly pitched before her walls. 
King Gama, if Hilarion comes not back 
All safe and sound, you'll surely suffer death ! 
Your head for his ! 

Gama. The stakes are poorly matched : 

It's Lombard Street against a China orange ! 

o o 

Hilde. In the mean time, pray make yourself at home, 
Direct my army as it were your own. 
On every matter that concerns the state, 
Your orders give ; they will not be obeyed, 
But that don't matter ! 

Gama. Don't it ? 

Hilde. Not a jot ! 

The ecstasy of absolute command 
Is seriously dashed when you reflect, 
That for all consequences that ensue, 
You by the world are held responsible ! 
But here, where all are bound to hear your word 
With every outward token of respect, 
They systematically disobey it, 
Your power of high command is just as great, 
The consequences absolutely nil. 

Enter ATHO. 

Atho. My liege, three gentlemen await without, 
Attended by a troop of soldiery. {Gives note.) 

Gama (reads'). " The Princes Arac, Guron, Scynthius, 
King Gama's sons, desire that you will set 
Their father free." (To ATHO.) Admit these gentlemen. 

[Exit ATHO 
My sons ! That's brave ! 

Enter ARAC, SCYNTHIUS, and GURON. 

Hilde. What would you, gentlemen ? 

Arac. What would we ? Why, look you, King Hilde- 
brand 



THE PRINCESS. 159 

* 

You hold our father in unkingly bonds, 
Our sister you beleaguer in her home, 
You threaten to lay waste our richest lands, 
And then you coolly ask us, " What would we ? " 

Guron. We come to claim our father at your hands. 

Scyntliius. We come to save our sister Ida from 
The rude assault of savage soldiery. 
Why, they are girls mere girls and should be stormed 
As other girls are stormed, if stormed at all ! 

Ililde. As other gir]s are stormed so shall they be; 
We'll use no cannon, bayonet, or sword, 
For such ungentlemanly arguments 
Convincing though they be would but convince 
These women 'gainst their will ! We'll witch them forth 
With love songs, odes, and idle fripperies, 
Such as a woman cannot long withstand. 
Stay, you shall see 

Enter ATHO. 

AtTio. All is prepared, my liege, 

To storm the walls 

Hilde. Then let the siege commence ! 

Enter FIRST OFFICER. 

Who leads the serenading party, eh ? 

First Officer. Sir Michael Costa. 

Ililde. Good ! the light guitars 

Fall in at six the King's own baritones, 
Led by Sir Santley. 

First Officer. He's not knighted, sir! 

Hilde. He shall be, then. They will parade at five. 

[Exit FIRST OFFICER. 

Enter SECOND OFFICER. 

Second Officer. Who leads the scaling party, sir ? 
Ililde. Of course 

The first light tenors ; they can highest go. 

[Exit SECOND OFFICER. 

Atho. And who shall first climb up the outer wall, 
And reconnoitre what goes on within ? 

Ililde. Some tenor, fool, who can " go up to see ! ' 

[Exit ATHO. 
Let all be furnished with their photographs, 



160 THE PRINCESS. 

And scatter them among these Amazons. 
Bid the director of the poets direct 
And post five hundred valentines, and see 
They get them by to-night's delivery. 
Go, tell the gallant lady, who commands 
The horse brigade of royal milliners, 
To place five hundred toilet tables out 
Within full view of Princess Ida's walls. 
Upon them place five hundred mirrors ; then 
Lay out five hundred robes of French design ; 
And if they still hold out they're more than women ! 
[Exeunt OFFICERS, G-AMA, ARAC, SCYNTHIUS, and GURON. 

King. If all this fails, I have a deadlier scheme : 
Five hundred waltzing bachelors tried men, 
Who can waltz forwards backwards anyhow 
Shall twirl and twist before their dazzled eyes, 
Thrumming soft music on a light guitar. 

Song, KING HILDEBRAND ; Air, " Largo al Factotum" 

Like a teetotum with a guitar 

Just so ! 
La, la, la, la ! 

Bachelors spin at 'em, thus from afar- 
Just so ! 
La, la, la, la ! 
Oh, tickle their vanity ; 
Oh, never be chary, 
Oh, flatter your fairy, 
Ever unwary, 

Tickle it, ah ! 
Bravo bravissimo, 
Generalissimo. 

Serve her it, ah ! 
Flatter her beauty, 
With an acute eye, 
Say it's your duty, 

Call her a star ! 
Sneer at another, 
Coddle her mother, 
Butter her brother, 
Ever so far ! 
La, la, la, la ! 
Load her with frippery, 



THE PRINCESS. 161 

Glovery, slippery, 

Cleverly planned, no going too far ! 

Marabout feather, 

Gossamer airy, 
Fastened together, 
Give to your fairy. 

La, la, la, la ! 
Oh, tickle her vanity, 
Oh, never be chary, 
Oh, flatter your fairy, 
Ever unwary, 

Tickle it, ah ! 
Marry her merrily, 
Change it all, verily ; 
Snapping and wrangling, 
Jingling and jangling, 
Snarling and snapping, 
Rubbing and rapping. 
" Why are you mum to me ? 
" Why don't you come to me ? 
" Why are you mum to me ? 
" Why don't you come to me ? 
" Quicker, oh ! quicker, oh ! quicker, oh ! " 
My goodness ! my gracious ! 

A row, sir ! 

Pucker your brow, sir, 
Pucker it, ah ! 
Pucker it, ah ! 
Lick her, oh, no more! 
Quicker, oh, " The door ! " 
Set it ajar ! 
Light a cigar ! 
Set it ajar ! 
Light a cigar ! 
Give her a sou ! 
Bid her adoo ! 
Give her a sou ! 
Bid her adoo ! 
Bravo bravissimo, 
Finish your capering. 
Like a teetotum 
With a guitar ! 
With a guitar ! 
With a guitar ! 



1 62 THE f RING ESS. 

Bravo bravissimo, 
Generalissimo ! 
Take her and marry her, 
Worry her, harry her ; 
Oh, you may carry her 

Ever so far ! 
Just like a teetotum 

With a guitar ! 

Enter ATHO. 

Atho. My liege, I bring good news : your plan succeeds. 
Three ladies of the Princess Ida's band 
Are coming towards your camp. 

Hilde. The mirrors did it ! 

Admit them. 

Enter HILARION, CYRIL, and FLORIAN, still in women's dollies. 

Why Hilarion ! Cyril too ! 
And Florian ! dressed as women. Ho ! ho ! ho ! 

(All jeer them.) 

Hilar. We gained admission to fair Ida's halls 
By this disguise. We were detected, though, 
And should have suffered death, but that she knew, 
In killing us, she killed her father too ! 

Gama (in high glee). Here, set me free ! Hilarion safe 



again 



Is this indeed Hilarion ? 

Hilar. Yes, it is. 

Gama. Why, you look handsome in your women's 

clothes. 

Stick to 'em man's attire becomes you not ! 
(To FLORIAN and CYRIL.) And you, young ladies, will you 

please to pray 

King Hildebrand to set me free again ? 
Hang on his neck and gaze into his eyes, 
Bring all your woman's wiles to bear on him. 
He never could resist a pretty face ! 

Cyril. You dog ! Though I wear woman's garb, you'll 

find 
My sword is long and sharp. 

Gama. Hush, pretty one ! 



THE PRINCESS. 163 

Here's a virago ! Here's a termagant ! 

If length and sharpness go for anything, 

You'll want no sword while you can wag your tongue. 

Flori. What need to talk of swords to such as he ? 
He's old and crippled. {To G-AMA.) Oh, if you were 

young, 

And tolerably straight and I could catch 
You all alone, I'd Ah ! 

Gama (bashfully). Oh, go along, 
You naughty girl why, I'm a married man ! 
But I've three sons see, ladies here they are- 
Fine fellows young and muscular and brave. 
They'll meet you, if you will. Come, what d'ye say ? 

Arac. Ay, pretty ones, engage yourselves with us, 
If three rude warriors who have spent their lives 
Hacking at enemies, affright you not ! 

Hilar. (to GAMA). Old as you are, I'd wring your 

shrivelled neck 
If you were not the Princess Ida's father. 

Gama. If I were not the Princess Ida's father, 
And so had not her brothers for my sons, 
No doubt you'd wring my neck in safety too ! 

Hilar. Enough ! I speak for Florian and Cyril. 
Arac, we take your challenge three to three- 
So that it's understood that Ida's hand 
Depends upon the issue. 

Arac. There's my hand ; 

If she consents not sister though she be 
We'll raze her castle to the very ground ! 

[Exeunt. 



SCENE FIFTH. Inner Gate of Castle Adamant. 

All the LADY STUDENTS discovered the eight SERVANTS as 
Amazons the others all around. Flourish Enter 
PRINCESS IDA, followed by LADY BLANCHE. 

Prin. Is all prepared for war ? We have to meet 
Stern bearded warriors in fight to-day. 
Wear nought but what is necessary to 
Preserve your dignity before their eyes, 
And give your limbs full play. 

Blanche. One moment, ma'am : 



1 64 THE PRINCESS. 

Here is a paradox we should not pass 

Without inquiry. We are prone to say, 

" This thing is Needful that Superfluous " 

Yet they invariably co-exist ! 

We find the Needful comprehended in 

The circle of the grand Superfluous ; 

While the Superfluous cannot be bought 

Unless you're amply furnished with the Needful. 

These singular considerations are 

Prin. Superfluous, yet not Needful so, you see, 
These terms may independently exist. 
Women of Adamant, we have to show 
These men how they have underrated us. 
Now is the time to prove our titles to 
The highest honours they monopolize. 
Now is the time to prove our theory 
That woman, educated to the work, 
Can meet man face to face on his own ground, 
And beat him there. Now let us set to work ! 
Where is our lady surgeon ? 

Sacha. Madam, here ! 

Prin. We shall require your skill to heal the wounds 
_ Of those that fall. 

Sacha. W T hat ! heal the wounded ? 

Prin. Yes ! 

Sacha. And cut off real live legs and arms ? 

Prin. Of course! 

Sacha. I wouldn't do it for a thousand pounds ! 

Prin. Why, how is this? Are you faint-hearted, 

girl ? " 
You've often cut them off in theory. 

Sacha. In theory I'll cut them off again 
With pleasure, and as often as you like 
But not in practice ! 

Prin. Coward, get you hence ! 

I've craft enough for that, and courage too. 
I'll do your work ! My Amazons, advance ! 
Why, you are armed with spears mere gilded toys ! 
Where are your muskets, pray ? 

Ada. Why, please you, ma'am, 

We left them in the armoury, for fear 
That, in the heat and turmoil of the fight, 
They might go off. 

Prin. " They might ! " Oh, craven souls, 



THE PRINCESS. 165 

Go off yourselves ! Thank Heaven, I have a heart 
That quails not at the thought of meeting men. 
I will discharge your muskets. Off with you ! 
Where's my band mistress ? 

Chloe. Please yon, ma'am, the band 

Do not feel well, and can't come out to-day ! 

Prin. Why, this is fiat rebellion ! I've no time 
To talk to them just now ! But happily 
I can play several instruments at once, 
And I will drown the shrieks of those that fall 
With trumpet music such as soldiers love. 
How stand we with respect to gunpowder ? 
My Lady Psyche you who superintend 
The lab'ratory, where your class compounds 
That hideous chemical are you prepared 
To blow these bearded rascals into shreds? 

Psyche. Why, madam 

Prin. Well? 

Psyche. Let us try gentler means 

Treat them with the contempt that they deserve. 
We can dispense with fulminating grains, 
While we have eyes with which to flash our rage. 
We can dispense with villainous saltpetre, 
While we have tongues with which to blow them up. 
We can dispense, in short, with all the arts 
That brutalize the practical poleuiist. 

Prin. (contemptuously}. I never knew a more dispensing 

chemist ! 

Away ! away ! I'll meet these men alone, 
For all my women have deserted me ! 

Enter MELISSA. 

Melissa. Madam, your brothers crave an audience. 

Prin. My brothers? Why, what do they here ? 

Melissa. They come 

To fight for you. 

Prin. Admit them ! 

Blanche. Infamous ! 

One's brothers, ma'am, are men ! 

Prin. So I have heard ; 

But all my women seem to fail me when 
I need them most: in this perplexity 
Even one's brothers may be turned to use. 



1 66 THE PRINCESS. 



Enter ARAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS. 

Arac. My sisters ! 

Prin. Arac, Guron, Scyn thins, too ! 

( They embrace.} 

Arac. We have arranged that Prince Hilarion 
And his two followers shall fight us here ; 
And if we fall, we've promised him your hand. 

Prin. (sighing). So be it, Arac ; brothers though you be, 
With all your faults you're brave, as brutes are brave. 
So be it fight them here, but (aside and hushfully) oh, 

my brother, 

Kill whom you will, but spare Hilarion ! 
He saved my life ! 

Melissa (aside to ABAC). Oh, save me Florian, 
He is her brother ! (indicating PSYCHE). 

Psyche (aside to ARAC). Oh, spare Cyril, sir, 
You've no idea what jolly songs he sings ! 

Arac. Bah ! I can spare them all I want them not ! 
But here they come : stand back, the lists prepare- 
Get you within those walls, poor trembling ones, 
And see that no one interferes with us. 

Enter HILARION, CYRIL, and FLORIAN, with KINGS GAM A 
and HILDEBRAND PRINCESS and LADIES retire within 
outer watt, and group themselves on battlements. 

Gama. Come, boys, we've all prepared ; begin ! begin ! 
Why, you lack mettle ! Gad, I'll spur you up ! 
( To ARAC.) Look, Arac there's the son of that vile king, 
Who, when he held me as his prisoner, 
Tormented me with tortures worse than death. 
I hadn't anything to grunible at I 
He found out what particular meats I loved, 
And gave me them the very choicest wine 
The costliest robes the richest rooms were mine. 
He suffered none to thwart my simplest plan, 
And gave strict orders none should contradict me. 
He made my life a curse ! Go in at them ! 
Avenge your father's wrongs ! (To HILARION.) And as 

for you 

(Pointing to his sons) Here are three princes, sirs, who 
stand between 



THL PRINCESS. 167 

You and your happiness so cut them down ! 

Give them no mercy, they will give you none 

Come, Prince Hilarion, begin, begin ! 

You've this advantage over warriors 

Who kill their country's enemies for pay, 

You know what you are fighting for look there ! 

{Pointing to LADIES on battlements.} 

Eilar. Come on ! 

Arac. Come on ! 

Cyril. Come on ! 

Scyji. Come on ! 

Flori. Come on ! 

(Desperate fight at the end, HILARION, CYRIL, and 
FLORIAN wound ABAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS. 

Prin. (entering through gate). Hold ! stay your hands ! 

we yield ourselves to you. 
Ladies, my brothers all lie bleeding there ! 
Bind up their wounds but look the other way. 
Is this the end ? How say you, Lady Blanche 
Can I with dignity my post resign ? 
And if I do, will you then take my place ? 

Blanche. To answer this, it's meet that we consult 
The great Potential Mysteries ; I mean 
The five Subjunctive Possibilities 
The May, the Might, the Would, the Could, the Should. 
Can you resign? The Prince Might claim you ; if 
He Might, you Could and if you Should, I Would ! 

Prin. I thought as much. Then to my fate I yield 
So ends my cherished scheme ! Oh, I had hoped 
To band all women with my maiden throng, 
And make them all abjure tyrannic Man ! 

Hilde. A noble aim ! 

Prin. You ridicule it now ; 

But if I carried out this glorious scheme, 
At my exalted name Posterity 
Would bow in gratitude ! 

Hilde. But pray reflect 

If you enlist all women in your cause, 
And make them all abjure tyrannic Man, 
The obvious question then arises, " How 
Is this Posterity to be provided ? " 

Prin. I never thought of that ! My Lady Blanche, 
How do you solve the riddle ? 



[68 THE PRINCESS. 

Blanche. Don't ask me 

Abstract Philosopliy won't answer it. 
Take him he is your Shall. Give in to Fate ! 

Prin. And you desert me ! I alone am staunch ! 

Hilar. Madam, you placed your trust in woman well, 
Woman has failed you utterly try man, 
Give him one chance, it's only fair besides, 
Women are far too precious, too divine 
To try unproven theories upon. 
Experiments, the proverb says, are made 
On humble subjects try our grosser clay, 
And mould it as you will ! 

Cyril. Remember, too, 

Dear Madam, if at any time you feel 
Aweary of the Prince, you can return 
To Castle Adamant, and rule your girls 
As heretofore, you know. 

Prin. And shall I find 

The Lady Psyche here ? 

Psyche. If Cyril, ma'am, 

Does not behave himself, I think you will. 

Prin. And you, Melissa, shall I find you here? 

Melissa. Madam, however Florian turns out, 
Unhesitatingly I answer, No. 

Gama. Consider this, my love : if your mamma 
Had looked on matters from your point of view 
(I wish she had), why, where would you have been ? 

Lady B. There's an unbounded field of speculation, 
On which I could discourse for hours ! 

Prin. No doubt ! 

We will not trouble you. Hilarion, 
I have been wrong I see niy error now. 
Take me, Hilarion " We will walk the world 
Yoked in all exercise of noble end ! 
And so through those dark gates across the wild 
That no man knows ! Indeed, I love thee Coinc ! " 



Finale, from " Le Pont des Soupirs." 

Cyril. Singers know 

How sweetly at a piano 
A tenor and soprano 
Together sound. 

Chorus. Singers know, etc. 



THE PRINCESS. 169 



IHlar- This will show 

That men and women verily 
Can get along more merrily 

Together bound. 
Chorus. This will show 

That men and women verily 

Can get along more merrily 

Together bound ! 

Together bound ! 

Together bound! 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

A FAIRY COMEDY. 
IN THREE ACTS. 



DRAMATIS PERSONA 



KING PHANOR 
PRINCE PHILAMIR 
CHRYSAL 
ZORAM 



GELANOR 

QUEEN ALTEMIRE . 

PRINCESS ZEOLIDE 

MIRZA 

PALMIS 

AZEMA 



MR. BUCKSTONE. 

MR. KENDAL. 

MR. EVERILL. 

MR. CLARK. 

MR. ROGERS. 

MR. BRAID. 

MRS. CHIPPENDALE. 

Miss MADGE ROBERTSON. 

Miss CAROLINE HILL. 

Miss FANNY WRIGHT. 

Miss FANNY GWYNNE. 



ACT I. 

GARDENS OF KING PHANOR'S COUNTKY HOUSE. 

MORNING. 

ACT II. 
INTERIOR OF THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

NOON. 

ACT III. 

THE AVENUE OF PALMS. 
NIGHT. 

[The action of the piece takes place within the space of 
twenty-four hours.'] 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 



ACT I. 

SCENE. Garden of KING PHANOR'S Country House. KING 
PHANOR discovered with CHRYSAL, ZORAM, ARIST^US, ana 
PALMIS. ARIST.EUS is standing sulkily apart. 

As the curtain rises, KING PHANOR is finishing a recitation 
which he is accompanying on a mandolin, in a very 
affected manner. 

Phanor. " Oh, I would not no, I would not be there ! " 
(ZORAM and CHRYSAL applaud vigorously.) 

Chrysal. My lord, I pray you read it once again, 
My ears are greedy for the golden sound. 

Phan. Chrysal, you make me blush ! 

Clirys. My lord, a blush 

Is modesty's sole herald and true worth 
Is ever modest. Pray you, sir, again ! 

Phan. It's a poor thing a string of platitudes 
Stale metaphors time-honoured similes. 
I'm a poor poet, gentlemen ! 

Chrys. I swear 

There never lived a poet till now ! 

Zoram. And then 

The music you have wedded to the words 
(I speak of this with some authority) 
Shames, in its flow of rhythmic melody, 
The counterpoint of Adam de la Halle ! 

Phan. (bashfully). The merit is not altogether mine. 
I wrote the music but I did not make 
This dainty instrument. Why, who could foil 
To charm, with such a mandolin as this ? 

Zor. Believe me, the result would be the same, 
your lordship'chose to play upon 



174 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

The simple tetrachord of Mercury 

That knew no diatonic intervals, 

Or the elaborate dis-diapason 

(Four tetrachords, and one redundant note), 

Embracing in its perfect consonance 

All simple, double and inverted chords ! 

Phan. (to CHRYSAL). A wonderful musician- -and a man 
Of infinite good taste ! 

Zor. Why, from my birth 

I have made me! ope and counterpoint 
My favourite study. 

Phan. And you really care 

To hear my work again, melodist ? 

Zor. Again, my lord, and, even then again ! 

Phan. (recites). " When pitch-encrusted night aloft 

prevails ; 

" When no still goddess through the mid-air sails ; 
" When scorpions vomit forth their poisonous scum ; 
" When to the demon tryst gaunt witches come ; 
" When noisome pestilence stalks through the glen, 
" Bellowing forth its enmity to men ; 
" When ghastly toads scream loudly throngl the air; 
" Oh, I would not no, I would not be there '. " 

Clirys. (in raptures). Why, where's the cunning of the 

sorcerer 

Placed by the magic of such words as these ? 
" When pitch-encrusted night aloft prevails ; " 
Why, there's an epithet might make day night, 
And shame the swallows to their couching place ! 
" When no still goddess through the mid-air sails ! " 
Why, here's a blackness, Zoram, so intense 
It scares the very deities away ! 

Phan. (explaining. " Still goddess" means the moon. 

Chrys. The moon my lord ? 

Of course the moon ! See how, in ignorance, 
We seek upon the surface of the wave 
For pearls that lie uncounted fathoms deep. 
The darkness frightens e'en the moon away ! 
The metaphor is perfect ! 

Phan. (annoyed). No, no, no ! 

The moon has not yet risen, sir ! The moon 
Frightens the darkness darkness don't fright her I 
Why sits the genial Arista3us there 
All solitary ? How d'you like my work ? 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 175 

(Aside to CHRYSAL.) We'll have some fun with him. 
(Aloud.) Your verdict, come ! 

Arist. I'm blunt and honest. I can't teach my tongue 
To lie, as Zoram here, and Chrysal do. 
I tell the truth, sir. If you want to know 
My estimate of what you've given us, 
I think your poetry contemptible 
Your melody, my lord, beneath contempt. 

Phan. That's rather strong. 

Arist. It's strong, my lord, but true. 

I'm blunt outspoken. If I've angered you, 
So much the worse ; I always speak the truth. 

Chrys. Heed not the yelping of this surly cur ; 
Nought satisfies him, Phanor ! 

Arist. There you're wrong, 

For I was satisfied to hear it once ; 
'Twas you that wanted it a second time ! 

Chrys. Back to your kennel, sham Diogenes ! 

Arist. I'm no Diogenes. He spent his life 
Seeking an honest man. /live in courts. 

Zor. My lord, I pray you send the fellow hence, 
For he and we are always out of tune. 
An inharmonious bracketing of notes, 
Whose musical extremes don't coalesce : 
He's sharp and we are flat. 

Arist. Extremely flat ! 

Chrys. He's vinegar, my lord, and we are oil. 

Arist. Oil is a sickening insipid food 
Unless it's qualified with vinegar. 
I'm rough and honest. If I've angered you, 

I'll go. 

Phan. No, no, you have not angered us. 
(Aside to ZORAM) I like the fellow's humour he may 

rave! 

I'm tired of hearing truths, so let him lie ! 
But where's Queen Altcmire ? 

Chrys. My lord, she comes 

A perfect type of perfect womanhood. 
The dew of forty summers on her head 
Has but matured her beauty, by my life ! 
For five and thirty years, a bud and now 
A rose full blown ! 

Arist. Say over-blown. 

Phan. What's that ? 



176 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Arist. My lord, the Queen's too fat. 

Phan. Well, that may be. 

But don't you tell her so. Your insolence 
Amuses me it won't amuse the Queen : 
She has no sense of humour. So take care. 

Arist. My lord, I'm rough, but honest. I've a tongue 
That cannot frame a lie. 

Phan. But bear in mind 

Besides that very rough and honest tongue, 
You have a palate, and a set of teeth, 
And several delicate contrivances 
That aid digestion. Tell her she's too fat, 
And she may take offence ; and, if she does, 
She'll throw that apparatus out of work : 
That's all. 

Enter the QUEEN and MIRZA. 

Good morning, Altemire, my queen. 
Why, you seem sad. 

Altem. My lord, I'm very sad. 

Palmis. The Queen is sad ! Zoram, attune your lyre 
And soothe her melancholy. 

Altem. No, no, no 

I'm not in cue for music leave us, pray 
I would take counsel with my lord look, sirs, 
I am not well. [The three COURTIERS exeunt info house. 

Phan. (aside to PALMIS). Palmis, what's here amiss ? 
What causes this ? Have I done anything ? 

Palmis. I know not, but I think it bears upon 
Your daughter's troth to brave Prince Philamir. 
Whenever we have spoken on the point 
She has commanded silence. 

Phan. Well, we'll see. 

Chrysal awaits you you may go to him ; 
Talk to him of your pledge to marry him, 
And he'll not silence you. There, you may go. 

[Exit PALMIS into houce. 
Now what's the matter ? 

Altem. Oh, I'm sick at heart 

With apprehension ! Our dear Zeolide 
To-morrow is betrothed to Philamir, 
The bravest and the most accomplished Prince 
In Christendom. Phanor, she loves him not ! 

Phan. What makes you think so ? 



THE PALACE OS TRUTH. 177 

Altem. Phanor, you are blind ! 

Why, see how coldly Zeolide receives; 
His songs of love his bursts of metaphor : 
" I love you, Philamir," and there's an end. 
She will vouchsafe her spouse-elect no more- 
No tenderness no reciprocity ; 
A cold, half-sullen and half-wayward smile, 
And that is all. The maiden lavishes 
More love upon her horse ! 

Phan. Perhaps she thinks 

Her horse will bear such tokens of regard 
With more discretion than her lover would ! 

Altem. Phanor, I tell you she loves him not. 
I am a woman, with a woman's tact. 

Phan. She says she loves him. 

Altem. So indeed she says, 

And says no more. Phanor, had I been woo'd 
With ardent songs of overwhelming love, 
Framed by so fair a poet as Philamir, 
It would have turned my giddy woman's brain, 
And thrilled my reason to its very core ! 

Phan. I never thought my wooing poetry, 
Now I begin to think it may have been. 

Mirza. Oh, sir, I love the Princess. Pause before 
You sacrifice her earthly happiness 
For sordid ends of selfish policy. 
The Prince is rich. What then ? The girl is poor. 
But what is wealth of gold to wealth of love ? 
What famine's so deplorable as his 
Who hungers for a love he cannot find ? 
What luxury so wearisome as hers 
Who's surfeited with love she values not ? 
King Phanor, let the Princess be released i 

Altem. My lady Mirza, you forget yourself! 

Mirza. I do forget myself, rernemb'ring her ; 
I have her happiness at heart. The maid 
Is more than life to me. Forgive me, Queen. 
I could not help but speak. 

Phan. Well, say no more. 

I'll question her, and if it then appears 
She loves not Philamir, she shall be free. 
I also love the girl but, here she comes. 
I'll find some test which shall decide the point. 

[Exit PHANOR into ho>'-' . 

1ST 



i ;3 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 



Enter ZEOLIDE. 

Altem. My daughter, wliere's the Prince ? 

Zeo. I cannot sav ; 

/ t 

I saw his highness yesterday, but since 
Have not set eyes on him. 

Altem. Has he returned 

From hunting ? 

Zeo. Yes, I heard the Prince's voice 

Not half an hour ago. 

Altem. And, in return, 

You made no sign to him ? 

Zeo. No sign, indeed. 

I heard his song 'twas very sweetly sung ; 
It told of love it called for no reply. 

Altem. A song of love that called for no reply? 

Zeo. It asked no question, mother. 

Altem. Surely, girl, 

There may be questions that are not expressed. 

Zeo. And answers, mother mine was one of them ! 

Altem. Come, Zeolide, I've much to say to you. 
Renounce Prince Philamir ere 'tis too late ! 
He will release you ; he is proud and brave, 
And would not force a hated life on you. 
Come, Zeolide, throw off this weary bond, 
And marry whom you love, or marry none ! 

Zeo. As I am bound, dear mother, I'll remain, 
So let me stay with Mirza. 

Altem. (annoyed}. You can stay ! 

[Exit QUEEN ALTEMIEE into house, glancing angrily at 
MIRZA ; ZEOLTDE notices this with some surprise. 

Zeo. Why, Mirza, how my mother frow r ns at you ! 
How have you angered her ? 

Mirza. I love you well ; 

And when I told her of my sister-love, 
In words more passionate than politic, 
The Queen rebuked me sternly. 

Zeo. Oh, for shame! 

Mirza. She is your mother, and she claims your love, 
And cannot brook that I should share that love. 
I can forgive the noble jealousy 
That comes of woman's love for woman. 

Zeo. Yes ; 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 179 

For you are Mirza queen of womankind 
The best, the noblest woman in the world ! 

Mirza. Why, here is warmth ! and people call you cold, 
Because you are so cold to Philamir. 

Zeo. Why, Mirza, he's a man ! 

Enter PHILAMIR from house lie overhears MIRZA. 

Mirza. A man indeed ! 

The bravest warrior that wields a sword ; 
The rarest poet that ever penned a lay ; 
An admirable knight gay, handsome, young, 
Brave, wealthy, and accomplished with a tongue 
Might shame a siren's ! 

Zeo. Hush ! a siren's tongue 

Is not renowned for much sincerity. 

Mirza. He is sincere. 

Zeo. Indeed, I hope he is ! 

Phil, (coming forward}. I thank you, Lady Mirza, fur 
those words. 

Mirza (coldly). I little thought that they were over- 
heard. 
This is ungenerous, Prince Philamir. 

\_Boius coldly and exit; PHILAMIR rushes to ZEOLIDE ; 
who receives him very quietly. 

Phil. Dear Zeolide, at last we are alone ! j 
Oh, I have longed for this ! 

Zeo. Indeed ! And why ? 

Phil. And why ? We can converse without reserve. 

Zeo. What should I say when we are quite alone 
That I should leave unsaid were others here ? 
I can but say, " I love you/' Philamir. 

Phil. And is that all ? 

Zeo. And is not that enough ? 

Phil. All the world knows you love me ! 

Zeo. That is why 

I do not blush to own it in the world. 

Phil. But give me more Jlove you, Zeolide, 
As the earth loves the sun ! 

Zeo. The earth is glad 

To see the sun, and asks no more than that. 
You would do well to imitate the earth. 

Phil. I am content to imitate the earth 
I am content to sit and gaze at you, 



i8o THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Tranced in a lazy glow of happiness ; 

But if you speak and wake me from that trance, 

Wake me, dear Zeolide, with warmer words. 

" I love you ! " Why, I know you love me well ! 

Say nothing, Zeolide, and I'm content. 

If you say anything, say more than that ! 

Zeo. What words could I employ which, tested in 
The crucible of unimpassioned truth, 
Would not resolve themselves into those three ? 
Now I must go your sun's about to set- 
So farewell earth ! 

Phil. And when the sun is down 

The earth is inconsolable ! 

Zeo. Until 

The moon appears ! Perhaps there is a moon 
That fills my place until I rise again ? 

Phil. No more, dear Zeolide ; or, if there be, 
She floats in one perpetual eclipse ! 

Zeo. The moon is not the less a moon because 
The earth thinks fit to hide her from the sun ! 

Phil. Nay ; you pursue the metaphor too far. 
If I, the earth, conceal a nightly moon, 
Why, you, the sun, have many worlds to warm, 
And some are nearer to you than this earth ! 

Zeo. Hush, Philamir ! I'm ready to believe 
That you're an earth that knows no moon at all, 
If you'll allow that I, although a sun, 
Consent to warm no other world than this ! 

(Kissing his forehead, and going.) 

Phil. Oh, do not leave me thus, dear Zeolide. 
I am a beggar, begging charity ; 
Throw me more coin that bears the stamp of love ! 

Zeo. I have one coin that bears that holy stamp 
I give you that I have no more to give. 

Phil. Tell me its value, then, in words of love ! 

Zeo. What ! would you have me advertise my alms, 
And trumpet forth my largess to the world ? 

Phil. Not to the world, dear Zeolide to me ! 

Zeo. Ah, you would have me say, " You are my world ! " 
You see, I have the trick of ardent speech, 
And I could use it, were I so disposed. 
But surely, Philamir, the mendicant 
Who is not satisfied to take my alms 
Until he knows how much that alms be worth, 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 181 

Can scarcely stand in need of alms at all ! 
I love you, Philamir be satisfied. 
Whose vows are made so earnestly as hers 
Who woukl deceive you by her earnestness ? 
Why, if I sought to trick you, Philamir, 
I should select such phrases for my end 
So passionate and yet so delicate, 
So fierce from overflow of gentle love, 
So furious from excess of tenderness, 
That even your expressions of regard, 
Unbounded in their hot extravagance, 
Would pale before the fury of my words, 
And you, from very shame, would call them back, 
And beg my pardon for their want of warmth ! 
I love you, Philamir I'll say no more ! [Exit. 

Phil. Gone ! But I'll follow her (going). 

Enter PHANOR/rom house. 

Phan. Stop, Philamir, 

If, as she says, she loves you, well and good ; 
She'll give you proof of it in her good time ; 
But if she don't, why, take an old boy's word 
(Who speaks of love with some authority), 
She'll love you none the better for the warmth 
That prompts you to perpetual persecution. 
The girl has taken this road take you that. 

[PHILAMIR stands irresolute, then goes off slowly in the 

direction indicated. 
That's good advice ! 

Enter QUEEN ALTEMiRE/rom house. 

Altem. My lord, old Gelanor, 

The steward of your palace, has arrived 
And waits without. 

Phan. We'll see him presently. 

Altem. (with some hesitation"). Now, do you know, T 

often wonder why, 

Possessing such a palace, furnished with 
The rarest luxuries that wealth can buy, 
You hold your Court in this secluded place ? 
I have been married to you eighteen years, 
Yet I have never seen this palace, which 



1 82 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Stands barely twenty miles away, and which 
You visit regularly once a month. 

Phan. (rather confused). There are good reasons, 
Altemire. 

Altem. {angry}. No doubt ! 
Exceedingly good reasons ! When a man 
Maintains a bachelor establishment, 
He has the best of reasons to decline 
To take his wife there ! 

Phan. You're a jealous fool. 

Altem. Jealous I am, and possibly a fool, 
But not a fool for being jealous. 

Phan. Peace, 

And I will tell you why I take you not. 
That palace is enchanted. Every one 
Who enters there is bound to speak the truth 
The simple, unadulterated truth. 
To every question that is put to him 
He must return the unaffected truth. 
And, strange to say, while publishing the truth 
He's no idea that he is doing so ; 
And while he lets innumerable cats 
Out of unnumbered bags, he quite believes 
That all the while he's tightening the strings 
That keep them from a too censorious world. 
What do you say to that ? 

Altem. (amazed}. Say ? Would the world 

Were one such palace, Phanor ! 

Phan. If it were, 

At least we all should meet on equal terms ; 
But to be taken from a world in which 
That influence don't exist, and to be placed 
Inside a fairy palace where it does 
(Accompanied, moreover, by one's wife), 
Might take one at a disadvantage ! 

Altem. Well, 

I am prepared to undergo the test 
If you'll accompany me. 

Phan. No, no, no ! 

You are a worthy woman, Altemire, 
But, Altemire, you have your faults ! 

Altem. My lord, 

I am a woman ! 

Phan. Yes, exactly so ! 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 183 

If you were not a woman, Altemire, 
Or, being one, were some one else's wife, 
I'd take you there to-morrow ! 

Altem. But, my lord, 

Why won't you take me, being what I am ? 

Phan. Because, my wife, I don't know Avhat you are. 

Altem. You know, at least, that I'm a faithful wife. 

Phan. I think you're more than faithful. I believe 
You are a perfect woman, Altemire, 
A pattern as a mother and a wife 
And, so believing, why, I do not care 
To run the risk of being undeceived ! 

Altem. (annoyed). My lord, you are unjust ! Can yon 

believe 

I should expose myself to such a test 
Had I been guilty of unfaithfulness ? 
I am no perfect woman, Phanor. I have faults 
That advertise themselves. No need to say 
That I'm quick-tempered, jealous, over-prone 
To underrate the worth of womankind 
Impetuous unreasonable vain 
I am a woman, with a woman's faults. 
But, being woman, Phanor, I'm a wife ; 
And, in that I am one, I need not blush. 
You have some better reason. Possibly 
You dread the palace on your own account ? 

Phan. /dread the palace, Altemire? No, no. 
I am a child of impulse. All my faults 
Lie on the surface. I have nought to hide. 
Such little faults as sully me you know. 

Altem. Or guess. 

Phan. Ha ! Am I then to understand 

My Queen suspects her husband ? 

Altem. Yes, you are ! 

Phan. Then this decides me. You shall go with me. 

Altem. But 

Phan. Not a word King Phanor cannot br< <>1; 

The breath of jealousy. With all his faults, 
His married life has been as pure as snow. 
We two will go this morning. 

Altem. Stay! A thought! 

Let us take Zeolide and Philamir, 
They shall not know the fairy influence 
To which they are subjected. If the maid 



1 84 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Does not love Philamir, she'll show it then, 
And the betrothal can be cancelled. If 
She loves him, why, she'll show it all the more : 
Then the betrothal shall be ratified. 

Phan. We will take Zeolide and Philamir, 
Chrysal and Zoram Aristaeus too, 
And Palmis yes, and blameless Lady Mirza 
Mirza, the good, the beautiful, the pure ! 

Altem. Mirza ! Eternal Mirza ! Everywhere 
I hear her irritating virtues praised ! 
I'm weary of the woman ! 

Phan. Stop a bit, 

Till we are in the palace. Then we'll learn 
Not only your opinion of her worth, 
But also why you hold it. 

Altem. Well, well, well ! 

The maid is young and beautiful, and I 
Am envious of that youth and beauty. See, 
I can anticipate the influence 
To which I'm going to subject myself. 
There I was wrong. Mirza shall go with us, 
And by her conduct under such a test, 
Prove the injustice of my estimate. 
I'll go and warn the Court. 

[Exit QUEEN ALTEMIRE into house, 

Phan. The course I take 

Is rather rash, but the experiment 
Will not be destitute of interest. 

Enter G^LANOB/rom house. 

Well, Gelanor, what tidings do you bring? 
About our palace ? 

Gelan. Sir, the old, old tale. 

Men come and go and women come and go. 
Although the palace gates are opened wide 
To rich and poor alike and rich and poor 
Alike receive full hospitality 
For any length of time they care to stay, 
Few care to stay above a day or two. 
Free entertainment in a princely home 
Is little valued when it's coupled with 
The disadvantage of a dwelling-place 
Where everv one is bound to sneak the truth. 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 185 

When does my lord propose to start ? 

Phan. To-day. 

But this time not alone, good Gelanor. 

Gelan. And who is to accompany you, sir ? 

Phan. My wife. 

Gelan. Your wife ? 

Phan. My wife. 

Gelan. Great heavens, my lord, 

Have you reflected ? 

Phan. Yes. 

Gelan. To any place 

Where one is bound to speak the baldest truth 
Concerning all the actions of one's life, 
It's hardly politic to take one's wife ! 

Phan. Oh, I've the fullest confidence in her. 
She's a good woman, Gelauor. 

Gelan. Ah, sir, 

I have seen married couples, by the score, 
Who, when they passed within our crystal walls, 
Have boldly advertised themselves prepared 
To stake their souls upon each other's faith 
But who, before they've spent an hour at most 
Under the castle's mystic influence, 
Have separated ne'er to meet again ! 
Oh, have a care ! 

Phan. Queen Altemire knows all, 

And knowing all, she fears not for herself, 
So I've no fear for her ! 

Gelan. But you, my liege 

How will you bear yourself 'neath such a test ? 
You have been married nearly eighteen yeas : 
That's a long time ! 

Enter MIRZA, unobserved. 

Phan. Well, yes I've thought of that. 

I'm a good husband as good husbands go. 
I love my wife but still you understand 
Boys will be boys ! There is a point or two- 
Say two, as being nearer to the mark 
On which I do not altogether care 
To stand examination by my wife. 
Perhaps I may have given out that I've 
Been dining here when I've been dining there-~ 



1 86 THE PALACE OF TRUTH, 

I may have said " with A " when 'twas with B 

I may have said " with him " when 'twas with her 

Distinctions such as these, good Gelanor, 

Though strangely unimportant in themselves, 

Still have a value, which the female mind's 

Particularly quick to apprehend. 

Now here's a talisman a crystal box (producing if). 

Whoever carries this within those walls 

May overcome the castle's influence, 

And utter truth or falsehood as he wills. 

I should do well, I think, to take this box ? 

Gelan. From all accounts, my lord, I think you would ! 
(Sees MIRZA.) Ahem ! We are observed ! 

Mirza. My lord, I trust 

My presence here is not inopportune ? 
I will withdraw. 

Phan. No, Lady Mirza, no ! 

I was exhibiting to Gelanor 
A curious specimen of crystal work- 
He understands such things. 

Mirza (taking box). And so do I. 

How marvellously pure ! No single flaw 
Affects its exquisite transparency ! 
A perfect emblem of a spotless life ! 

Golan. But, Lady Mirza, perfect spotlessness 
Is apt to smack of insipidity. 

Mirza, No hold it to the light, and see the change ! 
See how its exquisite prismatic hues, 
Under the influence of searching light, 
Are instantly made clear and manifest. 
As shines this crystal in the sun, so shines 
A perfect woman in the light of truth. 
The modest beauties of a spotless life 
Remain unknown and unsuspected, till 
A ray of truth-light starts them into life, 
And shows them all unwilling to the world ! 

Gelan. But there are hidden qualities of soul 
That even truth cannot detect. Suppose 
This crystal, peerless in its spotlessness, 
Turned out to be a potent talisman, 
With power to work all kinds of devilry ? 
There are such things ! 

Phan. (aside}. Why, there are women, too 

(I have known many such), to whom the box 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 187 

Might still be very properly compared ! 

Mirza. Impossible, my lord. I'll not believe 
That aught so beautiful could be so base. 
(Returning it.} I thank you, sir. I've read a lesson here 
That I shall take good heed to profit by. 

Enter the QUEEN ALTEMIRE, with ZEOLIDE, PHANOR, 
ARIST^US, ZORAM, and PALMis,/rora house. 

Altem. Here comes your Court, my lord. 

Phan. That's well. My friends, 

I have a palace, twenty miles away 
A lovely place, engirt with crystal walls ; 
Its grounds will show fair flowers and shady groves, 
Huge forest trees, rare fountains, hill and dale. 
There's hunting, fishing eighteen years preserved ! 
There the sun shines unclouded all day long. 
What say you will you go ? 

Chrys. Go ? What care I 

Whether it rain or shine so that I may 
Bask in the sunshine of my King and Queen ! 

Phan. In half an hour we start. Once there, our life 
Shall be a song, and Aristzeus here, 
The jolly, genial, laughing Aristasus, 
Shall s-trike the key-note ! 

Arist. Well, I'll do my best. 

Zor. But pray consider. If the intervals 
Throughout the diatonic series, sir, 
Were mathematically equal, why, 
It would not greatly matter, as you know, 
Upon what note your melody commenced. 
But as it is not so, we must respect 
The intervals the melody demands. 
No key-note struck by Aristeeus could 
Be correspondent with those intervals ! 

Phil. Pll give the key-note. We will pass the day 
By quivering willows at the waterside, 
Lapped in a lazy luxury of love ! 
There we'll forget the world of work-a-day, 
And crown our happiness with songs of love ! 
What say you, dearest Zeolide ? 

Zeo. I've said 

As much as it is maidenly to say 
I love you, Philamir be satisfied ! 



1 88 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 



ACT II. 

SCENE. Interior of the Palace of Truth. 

Enter GE"LANOR, meeting KING PHANOB and QUEEN 
ALTEMIRE and ZEOLIDE. 

Gelan. Welcome, my lord ! Madam, I humbly trust 
The palace realizes all the hopes 
That you had entertained concerning it. 

Altem. Indeed, it far exceeds them, Gelanor. 
There is no lovelier abode on earth ! 
And so says Zeolide. 

Zeo. Indeed she does ! 

Why, father, I have lived near eighteen years, 
And never knew until three hours ago 
That you possessed so lovely a domain ! 
Why have I wasted eighteen years on earth, 
When such a heaven as this awaited me ? 

Gelan. (aside to PHANOR). You have not told the 

Princess or your Court 
The palace's peculiarity ? 

Phan. Not I. The secret is our own, as yet 
The Queen's, and yours, and mine. 

Gelan. With you and me 

The secret's safe. But then Queen Altemire 
If you have told her all 

Phan. No, no not all ! 

Here is a secret which is yours and mine ; 

(producing crystal "box) 
And yours and mine the secret shall remain. 
Protected by this talisman, I stand, 
A sturdy rock amid the shifting sands 
A salamander in a world of fire 
Achilles in a crowd of myrmidons- 
Achilles, with an iron-plated heel ! 
Go, send my courtiers I anticipate 
No ordinary sport from watching them. 

[Exeunt GE'LANOR and PHANOR. 

Altem. What are you reading, Zeolide ? 

Zeo. (with scroll). A song 

Written by Chrysal set to Zoram's notes ; 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 189 

They gave it me before we left our home, 
But in the hurry of the journey here, 
I managed to mislay it here it is. 

Enter ZORAM, CHRYSAL, and ARIST.EUS. 

Altem. And here are author and composer, too 
And Critic, teeming with humanity. 
Come let us hear it. 

(ZEOLIDE sings a song. At its conclusion CHRYSAL and 
ZORAM applaud.) 

Chrys. (coming forward with all the action of a man 
who is expressing extreme approval). Oh, I protest, 
my ears have never heard 
A goodly song more miserably sung. 
(Clapping hands) Oh, very poor indeed* oh, very weak ; 
No voice no execution out of tune 
Pretentious too oh, very, very poor ! (Applauding as if 
in ecstasies.) 

Altem. (amused). Indeed ! I think I've often heard you 

say 
No voice could rival Princess Zeolide's ? 

Chrys. (enthusiastically'). I've often said so I have 

praised her voice, 

Because I am a courtier paid to praise. 
I never meant one word of what I said ; 
I have the worst opinion of her voice, 
And so has Zoram. 

Zor. I ? Oh, dear me, no ! 

I can form no opinion on the point, 
I am no judge of music. 

Chrys. Eh? 

Zor. Not I! 

I hardly know the treble from the bass, 
And as to harmony I know the word, 
But hang me if I guess at what it means ! 

Zeo. Oh, Zoram, you are jesting why, you wrote 
The air I sung ! 

Zor. I wrote the air ? Not I, 

I paid a poor musician for his work, 
And palmed it off upon you as my own. 
A common trick with melodists who stand 
Far higher in the world's esteem than 1 1 



igo THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Alte.ni. "Well, Aristams there has still to speak. 
What says that rollicking philosopher ? 
Come, growl it out ! 

Arist. (gruffly, as if finding fault}. It's sweetly pretty, 

ma'am, 
And very nicely sung. I like it much. 

Zeo. "What ! Aristseus pleased ? 

Arist. (very savagely}. Of course I am ; 

I'm always pleased with everything. 

Altem. Indeed ! 

Men look on Aristseus as a man 
Whom nothing satisfies. 

Arist. (with outrageous Huntness}. Then men are wrong, 
No child's more easily amused than I. 
But, here at Court, where every one is pleased 
With everything, my amiability 
Would go for nought ; so I have coined myself 
A disposition foreign to my own, 
In hopes my clumsy boorish insolence 
Might please you by its very novelty ; 
And prove, perchance, a not unwelcome foil 
To Zoram's mockery of cultured taste, 
And Chrysal's chronic insincerity ! 
I'm rough and honest, frank outspoken blunt. 

Chrys. Boor ! when you dare to say I'm insincere 
You tell the truth there, make the most of that ! 

Zor. Chrysal, your hand ; I'm glad to find at last 
Your eyes are opened to your many faults. 

Chrys. How, sir, is this intentional affront ? 

Zor. No, not intentional. I tried to frame 
A pleasant speech, but, by some awkward slip, 
The truth escaped me quite against my will . 
( With great admiration.} You systematic liar ! 

Chrys. Insolent ! 

Zor. Sir! 

Chrys. This shall cost or you or me his life. 
In half an hour you shall hear from me ! [Exit CHRYSAL. 

Zor. (in terror). What have I said ? 

Altem. (aside}. These boobies must not fight, 

But how to stop them ? Here comes Philamir ! 
Now he and Zeolide can meet. But first 
I must get rid of Zoram. (To ZOEAM.) Get you hence, 
I will contrive to pacify your foe. 

Zor. But 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 191 

Altem. Go ! 

Zor. (piteously). I'm sure I don't know what I've done ! 
[Exeunt ZORAM and QUEEN ALTEMIRE. 

Enter PHILAMIR, ZEOLIDE runs to him and embraces 
him he turns away. 

Zeo. My love, is Philarnir unhappy ? 

Phil. Yes. 

I have heard people talking of our troth, 
And prophesying that it will soon cease. 

Zeo. Indeed ! They think you do not love me, then ? 

Phil. They doubt not that they doubt your love for me. 
Some say it sleeps ; some say that it is dead ; 
Some that it never lived. Oh, Zeolide, 
If love for Philamir is yet unborn, 
Why bring it now to light ! Where will you find 
A fitter nursery for love than this ? 
If that love lives, but sleeps, why, wake it now 
And let it revel in these golden groves. 
If it is dead, why, here's a paradise 
That well might summon it to second life ! 

Zeo. It sleeps not, Philamir, nor is it dead ; 
It lives and cannot die. 

Phil. But people say 

That love should advertise itself in words 
More fervid than the weary formula, 
" I love you, Philamir." You love your friends. 
Why, Zeolide, I think I've heard you say 
You love your horse ! 

Zeo. Unjust ! You ask me, then, 

To limit my illimitable love, 
And circle, with a boundary of words, 
A wealth of love that knows no bounds at all ! 
There is a love that words may typify 
A mere material love that one may weigh 
As jewellers weigh gold. Such love is worth 
The gold one "pays for it it's worth no more. 
Why, Philamir, I might as well attempt 
To set a price upon the universe 
Or measure space or time eternity, 
As tell my love in words ! 

Phil, (astonished). Why, Zeolide, 

At last you speak ! Why, this, indeed, is love ! 



I 9 2 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Zeo. (aside). What have I said? (Aloud and coldly.'} 

Indeed, I'm glad to think 
My words have pleased you ! 

Phil, (with enthusiasm). Pleased me? They've done 

more 

They've gratified my vanity, and made 
Me feel that I am irresistible ! 

Zeo. Indeed! 

Phil. Indeed, dear Zeolide, they have. 

Why, how you frown ! 

Zeo. (coldly}. If such a love as mine 

Serves but to feed your sense of vanity, 
I think it is misplaced. 

Phil. My vanity 

Must needs be fed, and with such love as yours. 
I have worked hard to gain it, Zeolide ! 
You are not nearly as attractive as 
Five hundred other ladies I could name, 
Who, when I said I loved them, stopped my lips 

Zeo. (astonished). I'm glad they did ! 

Phil. With kisses, ere I could 

Repeat the sentence ; and it hurt me much 
That you, who are comparatively plain, 
Should give me so much trouble, Zeolide. 

Zeo. (aside.) What can he mean ? (Aloud) Oh, you are 
mocking me 

Phil. Mocking you, Zeolide ? You do me wrong! 
(With enthusiasm.) Oh, place the fullest value on my 

words, 

And you'll not overvalue them ! I swear, 
As I'm a Christian knight, I speak the truth ! 

Zeo. Why, Philamir, you've often told me that 
You never loved a woman till we met ! 

Phil, (with all the appearance of rapture). I always 

say that. I have said the same 
To all the women that I ever woo'd ! 

Zeo. And they belie v'd you ? 

Phil. Certainly they did. 

They always do ! Whatever else they doubt, 
They don't doubt that ! (He tries to embrace her.) 

Zeo. (horror-struck). Away, and touch me not ! 

Phil. What? Has my earnestness offended you, 
Or do you fear that my impassioned speech 
Is over-coloured ? Trust me, Zeolide, 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 193 

If it be over-charged with clumsy love, 

Or teem with ill-selected metaphor, 

It is because my soul is not content 

To waste its time in seeking precious stones, 

When paste will answer every end as well ! 

Zeo. Why, Philamir, dare you say this to me ? 

Phil. All this, and more than this, I dare to say. 
I dare to tell you that I like you much, 
For you are amiable, refined, and good 
Saving a little girlish diffidence 
I have no serious fault to find with you ! 

Zeo. You're very good ! 

Phil. Indeed, I think I am, 

But let that pass. In truth I like you much. 
At first I loved you in an off-hand way ! 

Zeo. At first ? 

Phil. Until the novelty wore off, 

And then, receiving but a cold response 
To all the seeming fury of my love, 
My pride was nettled, and I persevered 
Until I made you tell me of your love, 
In words that bore comparison with mine. 
I've done that, and I'm amply satisfied. 

Zeo. (in Wank astonishment). And this is Philamir, who 

used to breathe 

Such words of passion and such songs of love ! 
Those words that fiercely burnt with such false fire, 
Those songs that sung so lovingly of lies, 
Bore unsuspected fruit I gathered it 
And garnered it away. Oh, Philamir, 
As misers store up gold, I stored my love 
In all the inmost corners of my heart, 
Dreading to speak or look at Philamir, 
Lest some unguarded word or tell-tale glanco 
Should give a clue to all the wealth within ! 
I laughed within myself, as misers laugh, 
To find my hoard increasing day by day, 
And now the coin I hoarded up is base 
The flowers that decked my life are worthless weeds 
The fruit I plucked is withered at the core 
And all my wealth has faded into air ! 

Phil. Faded ? Why, Zeolide, what do you mean ? 
I do not love you as a lover should, 
Yet you reproach me ! Oh, you are unjust. 

o 



194 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Zeo. Indeed, I'll not reproach you ! Let me go. 
My grief shall be as silent as my love. 
Farewell ! [Exit 

Phil. That woman's mad ! Unquestionably mad ! 
My show of love has sent her brain adrift. 
Poor girl ! I really like her very much. 
I tell her that I love her and in words 
Which never yet were known to miss their mark 
When uttered by Prince Philamir in words 
So charged with passion that they well might charm 
The very proudest maid in Christendom ; 
And off she bounces as indignantly 
As if I'd told the very plainest truth ! 

Enter CHRYSAL. 

Clirys. Your Koyal Highness seems disturbed. 

Phil. I am ! 

I'm much annoyed with Princess Zeolide. 
You know how coldly she has hitherto 
Received the protestations of my love ? 

Clirys. (politely}. I do indeed. You've been the 

laughing-stock 
Of all the Court for months on that account. 

Phil, (amazed). Oh, have I so ? 

Clirys. Upon my soul, you have. 

Phil. You're candid, sir. 

Chrys. (still as if paying a compliment). I can afford to be 
Extremely candid with Prince Philamir. 
But let that pass. You were reminding me 
How coldly Princess Zeolide received 
Your vows. What then ? 

Phil. Why, not ten minutes since 
Her manner changed, and all her pent-up love 
Burst from her lips in frenzied eloquence. 
I was astounded ! I, of course, began 
To echo all her sentiments tenfold. 
I picked the very fairest flowers that grow 
Upon the dreamy plains of metaphor, 
And showered them upon her. White with rage 
She started from me telling me, with tears, 
Her dream of love had melted into air ! 
I see you don't believe me, Chrysal 

Chrys. Well, 

I half believe you. I can scarcely think 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 195 

The Princess spoke with rapture of your love ; 
But I can quite believe that when you spoke 
In what you're pleased to think is metaphor, 
The well-bred Princess shrank instinctively 
From such a florid prince as Philamir 

(with a respectful bow). 

Phil, (haughtily). This form of compliment is new to 
me ! 

Chrys. My lord, my speciality consists 
In framing novel forms of compliment. 
But who comes here ? a modest little maid 

Enter AZEMA she starts on seeing PHILAMIR and CHKYSAL. 

And rather pretty, too. 

Phil, (angrily}. She hears you, sir ! 

{Politely to AZEMA.) I fear we've frightened you ? 

Azema. Oh no, indeed, 

I am not frightened, though I seem to be. 

(AZEMA'S manner is characterized by the extremest modesty 
and timidity throughout this scene.) 

Chrys. But why affect a fear you do not feel ? 

Azema (with extreme timidity). Because, although 1 

entered here to seek 

Prince Philamir, I'm anxious he should think 
This meeting is a simple accident. 
Do not suppose that this is modesty ; 
'Tis but an artifice to make you think 
That I am timid as a startled fawn ! 

Chrys. (aside to PHILAMIR). This is a character. I'll 

open fire, 

And storm her weakest point her vanity. 
Now, my artillery of compliments, 
A salvo, if you please. (Aloud, with the air of one who is 

paying an elaborate compliment.) I have remarked 
That you've a certain girlish prettiness, 
Although your nose is sadly underbred. 
(Aside.) That's rather neat I 

Azema. Are you Prince Philamir ? 

Chrys. Not I, indeed, fair lady. This is he 
The most conceited coxcomb in the world (with an elaborate 

bow to PHILAMIR, who starts angrily). 
No thanks indeed 'tis true. 

Azema (to CHRYSAL). Then go your way 

I don't want you ! I only want the prince. 



196 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

'Twas Philamir I came to captivate. 

Clirys. Here's candour if you like ! 

Azema. Oh, leave us, sir ! 

Find some excuse to go, that he and I 
May be alone together. 

Phil. Leave me, sir. 

I'll give your tongue a lesson ere the night ! 

CJirys. How has my tongue offended ? Oh, I see- 
Exactly don't explain ! (Aside.) Poor Zeolide ! [Exit. 

Phil. Insolent scoundrel ! (following him). 

Azema. Oh, don't follow him. 

I want you here alone. You can begin 
I am not shy, though I appear to be. 
Indeed, I entered here ten minutes since, 
Because I heard from those outside the gates, 
That you, Prince Philamir, had just arrived. 

Phil. Then you're a stranger here ? 

Azema. I am, indeed ! 

The people told me any one was free 
To enter. 

Phil. Yes, quite right. Did they say more ? 

Azema. Oh yes, much more. They told me then that 

you 

Received but sorry treatment at the hands 
Of Princess Zeolide. They told me, too, 
That your betrothal might ere long collapse ; 
( With extreme modesty?) So, thought I, as I am beyond 

dispute 

The fairest maid for many a mile around 
And as, moreover, I possess the gift 
Of feigning an enchanting innocence, 
I possibly may captivate the prince, 
And fill the place once filled by Zeolide. 

(Sits ; her ankle is exposed.) 

Phil. The Princess has a candid enemy ! 
I beg your pardon, but the furniture 
Has caught your dress. 

Azema (re-arranging her dress hastily). Oh, I arranged 

it so, 

That you might see how truly beautiful 
My foot and ankle are (as if much shocked at the expose). 

Phil. I saw them well ; 

They're very neat. 

Azema. I now remove my glove 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 197 

That you may note the whiteness of my hand. 
I place it there in order that you may 
Be tempted to enclose it in your own. 

Phil. To that temptation I at once succumb, 
(Taking her hand she affects to withdraw it angrily.) 

Azema (with affected indignation). Go on ! If you had 

any enterprise, 

You'd gently place your arm around my waist 
And kiss me. (Struggling to release herself.) 

Phil. It might anger you ! 

Azema. Oh no ! 

It's true that I should start with every show 
Of indignation, just in order to 
Maintain my character for innocence 
But that is all. 

Phil, (puts his arm round her and kisses her). There, 
then 'tis done ! 

Azema (starting, with a great show of rage). How, sir ? 
I think it's time that I should take my leave. 
(Very indignantly.) I shall be in the Avenue of Palms. 
At ten o'clock to-night. I mention this 
That you may take the hint and be there, too ! (going.) 

Phil. One moment, pray. Let me assure you now, 
That such an unmistakable coquette, 
And one who shows her cards so candidly, 
Will not supplant the Princess Zeolide ! 

Azema (surprised). Supplant the Princess Zeolide? 

Why, sir, 

By what authority do you imply 
That I have cherished any such design ? 

Phil. Your own admission. 

Azema. Oh, impossible ! 

(Indignantly.) But as it seems that I've no chance with you, 
I'll try the gentleman who left us here. 
He comes ! 

Enter CHRTSAL. 

Oh, sir, I crave a word with you ! 
Are you a wealthy man ? (with extreme delicacy oj 

manner.) 

Chrys. I am, indeed. 

Azema. And you've a title ? 
Chrys. Yes, of highest rank. 



1 98 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Azema. A bachelor. 

Chrys. A bachelor as yet, 

Betrothed to Palrais. 

Azema (shrinking}. Oh ! (Hopefully.} But possibly 
You do not love her much ? 

Chrys. {with enthusiasm}. Oh, not at all ! 

Azema. You'll do give me your arm. {He does so 

she shrinks} Oh, sir, indeed 

{Impatiently to CHRYSAL, ivho hesitates} Do take my hand 

and put it through your arm. 
(He does so.} That's it ! Oh, sir, indeed I know you not ! 

[Exeunt CHRYSAL and AZEMA, AZEMA affecting to try 
and release herself. PHIL AMIR stands astounded for 
a moment. 

Phil. I've found a clue that solves these mysteries! 
This palace is enchanted ground ! It's plain 
That there's some subtle influence at work, 
Affecting everybody here but me ! 
Chrysal, the honey-tongued, turns out to be 
A blunt and scurrilous outspoken boor ; 
Zoram, the musical enthusiast, 
Can hardly tell the treble from the bass ; 
Then Arista3us, surly, blunt, and gruff, 
Turns out to be the gentlest soul alive ; 
And, most inexplicable change of all, 
The amiable but prudish Zeolide 
Becomes a foolish vixen, blind with love, 
Maddened with jealous and unreasoning rage ! 
Then comes a girl a commonplace coquette 
Who, while she lays her plans with practised skill, 
Explains their aim, and holds them to the light 
That all may see their arrant hollowness ! 
It's evident there's some enchantment here 
That shows up human nature as it is, 
And I alone resist its influence ! 
Ah, here is Mirza lovely paragon 
I'll notice how it operates on her. 

Enter MIRZA. 

Mirza (starts). I beg your pardon. I was looking for 
My diary ; I've dropped it hereabouts. 

Phil. Allow me to assist you in your search ? 

Mirza (hastily). No, no ; that must not be. My diary 
Must ne'er be seen by other eyes than mine ! 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 199 

Phil. Indeed ! and why ? 

Mirza. My very inmost thoughts 

The secret utterances of my heart 
Are there inscribed. I would not for my life 
That any eyes but mine should rest on it. 

Phil. Can Lady Mirza harbour any thought 
That all the world may not participate ? 
I'll not believe it. 

Mirza (eagerly}. Hush I charge you, sir ! 
Ask me no questions here for I have learnt 
That this is fairy ground, where every one 
Is bound, against his will, to speak the truth. 
If you interrogate me, I am bound 
To answer truly. I need say no more 
To such a courteous knight as Philamir. 

Phil, (aside}. It is then as I thought ! (Aloud.) I 

guessed the truth 

This palace doubtless is enchanted ground, 
And I alone resist its influence ! 
Mirza. Indeed ! 

Phil. I had occasion some time since 

To feign unbounded love for Zeolide 
(For whom I don't particularly care) : 
Well, notwithstanding my indifference, 
I spoke with all my usual gush of love, 
From which I venture to conclude that I 
Am unaffected by this magic power. 

Mirza. You do not love the Princess Zeolide ? 
You who professed unutterable love ? 

Phil. I liked her well enough at first, but now 
I'm weary of my liking. She displays 
So much unreasonable petulance, 
Such causeless anger such unbridled wrath, 
That I'm resolved to break the weary link 
That binds us. I'll be free to love again. 

(Taking MIRZA'S hand.) 
Mirza (releasing herself). Oh, Philamir ! Oh, shame 

upon you, sir. 

She loves you ! You are loved by Zeolide ! 
Why, there's a heaven opened to your eyes, 
And you'll not enter, Philamir ! Oh, shame 
To blight so true a heart as hers ! Oh, fool, 
To throw aside in wrath so fair a prize- ! 

Phil. But listen I've a fairer prize in view. 



200 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

MIRZA I love you \ 

Mirza (shuddering with terror}. Spare me, sir, I pray ! 

Phil. Now by this castle's mystic influence, 
I challenge you to answer truthfully 
Do you love me ? 

Mirza (shrinking from him). Have pity, Philamir ! 
Withdraw your question, I beseech you, sir ! 
If you insist, I must perforce reply 
I charge you, on your knighthood, press me not ! 

(PHILAMIR pauses, struggling with his feelings.} 

Phil, (releasing her}. My Lady Mirza, you are free to go. 

[Exit MIRZA hastily. 
How subtly works the mystic influence, 
That all seem subject to, excepting me ! 
And from the fearful ordeal only one 
Of all the women here comes out unscathed. 
The peerless Mirza good, and wise, and pure, 
Most excellent and unapproachable ! 
To know that Mirza loves me, is to know 
That she is mortal that I knew before. 
To know that Mirza's worthy of my love, 
And that, despite the searching influence 
That I alone resist oh, this indeed 
Is happiness ! I'm sure she loves me well ! 

Enter ZEOLIDE. 

Zeo. Indeed she does ! If half an hour ago 
She spoke abruptly to her Philamir, 
She bitterly repents it. Oh, my love, 
Forgive me, for in truth I love you well ! 

Phil, (embracing her fondly). But my remark did not 

apply to you ; 
I spoke of Lady Mirza. 

Zeo. (recoiling}. Mirza? 

Phil. Yes, 

I'm quite convinced she loves me ! 

Zeo. Philamir, 

You should not jest with such a sacred word. 
You've played your joke upon me, and you've seen 
How readily I fell into the trap ; 
Let that content you. There I'm not annoyed 
I'll not be caught again ! 

Phil, (earnestly}. "Dear Zeolide, 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 201 

Indeed I do not jest nor did I when 
You left me in unwarrantable rage. 
I love the Lady Mirza she loves me. 

Zeo. (horrified}. She told you so ? 

Phil. Well, no. I'm bound to say 

She did not tell me so in open words : 
Her love for you restrained her. She's too good- 
Too pure too honourable to allow 
A passion for her dearest friend's betrothed 
To master her. You should have heard her plead 
Your hopeless cause. She struggles with her love, 
And tries to keep it down but still she loves. 

Zeo. {astounded}. And you return this love ? 

Phil. Most heartily. 

(With affectionate gesture.} I'm getting weary of you, and 

1 wish 

That I could find sufficient argument 
To justify me in releasing you. {She shrinks from him.) 
Why, now you frown again ! Oh, Zeolide, 
This wilfulness is insupportable ! 

Zeo (enraged). Support it then no longer, Philarmr ! 
There you are free our bond is at an end ; 
Choose your path, I'll choose mine. Our roads diverge. 
We part and may not meet again. Farewell ! 
(Changing her manner.) Oh Philamir, heed not my words ; 

I spoke 

In reckless haste I spoke my death-warrant ! 
Philarnir, do not leave me, let me live ; 
See how I love you ! I am at your feet 
I, Zeolide, whom once you thought so cold 
I, Zeolide, who am not wont to kneel ! 
Oh, give me till to-night, and pass the hours 
That intervene in marshalling the past, 
And let that plead my cause ! You loved me once, 
You asked me for my love I gave my life, 
For I must die if you abandon me ! 
Have mercy on me ! Give me till to-night ! 
There's some enchantment in this fearful place. 
This is not Philamir it is his shape, 
But does not hold his soul. Before the night 
I'll seek my father, and I'll gain from him 
The key that solves this fearful mystery. 
Go now nay, do not speak no not a word 
I'll not believe that this is Philamir. 



202 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Go, leave me now and we will meet to-night ! 

[He hesitates ; then exit 

Oh, Philamir, my love, my love, my love ! (tihe falls sobbing 
on couch.) 

Enter PALMIS. 

Palmis. What ? Zeolide in tears ? Has Philamir 
Been too emphatic in his vows of love ? 
Have pity on him ! 

Zeo. Palmis, pity me 

He loves me not ! 

Palmis. Indeed ! 

Zeo. He told me so. 

Palmis (relieved). Oho ! He told you so ? 

Zeo. Most openly. 

Palmis. Then there is hope for you. Come, dry your 

eyes; 

When men are over head and ears in love, 
They cannot tell the truth they must deceive, 
Though the deception tell against themselves ! 
Here Chrysal comes (astonished) a lady on his arm ! 

Enter CHRYSAL and AZEMA he leaves AZEMA abruptly 

on seeing PALMIS. 

Palmis. Why, Chrysal, who is this ? Where have 
you been ? 

Chrys. (affectionately). I have been wandering through 

shady groves 
With that exceedingly attractive girl. 

Palmis. You have been flirting, sir ? 

Chrys. (putting his arm round her waist). Exceedingly! 
I always do when I'm away from you. 

Palmis (to AZEMA). Oh, you're a brazen woman ! 

Azema (with great modesty). That I am ! 

An ordinary every-day coquette 
Who lives on admiration, and resolves 
To gain it by whatever means she can. 

Zeo. (aside to PALMIS). Palmis, there's some enchant- 
ment in this place 
I know not what it influences all. 
Do not dismiss him yet, until we learn 
Its nature ! 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 203 

Chrys. (with affection). Yes, my Palmis, wait awhile, 
Do not dismiss me yet ; although it's true 
I never loved you, yet I want your love 
Because you have much influence at Court, 
And have it in your power to help me on 
To further favour. 

Palmis (astounded). Chrysal, are you mad ? 
You never loved me ? 

Chrys. (enthusiastically). Never, on my soul ! 
In point of fact, I always hated you, 
And mean to tell you so when I have won 
The highest rank your mistress can confer 
In the mean time, however, I am fain 
To make you think that I adore you still. 
Observe the heaving of my swelling heart ; 
My fervid manner my ecstatic gaze 
It's all assumed ! 

Palmis. Oh, miserable man ! 

Go get you hence, sir. 

Chrys. (astonished). Palmis, what on earth 
Possesses you ? 

Palmis. Don't speak to me again ; 
I can't endure you ! 

He-enter ZOR AM. 

Zor. I am glad of this. 

Dear Palmis, I for many a weary day 
Have sought to win your love from Chrysal here, 
By every mean, contemptible device 
That my unequalled cunning could suggest. 

Chrys. (amazed). And you admit this to my very face ? 

Zor. (cordially}. With pleasure, Chrysal. I have sought 

in vain, 

By daily blackening your character, 
To sicken pretty Palmis of her love. 
I've told her you're an unexampled rake, 
A gambler and a spendthrift, mean, poor, base, 
Selfish and sordid ; cruel, tyrannical ; 
But all in vain, she loves you all the more. 
(Taking his hand.) Forget the angry words you spoke 

to-day ; 

In the glad glow of hope that I shall gain 
Your Palmis' love, I freely pardon you. 



204 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Chrys. (in furious rage). This evening, in the Avenue of 

Palms, 
I shall await you, sir. 

Zor. (in blank astonishment). Oh dear, oh dear, 
What have I said? 

Enter GE"LANOR. 
Gelan. Hush, gentlemen the Queen. 

He-enter QUEEN ALTEMIRE hastily. 

Altem. (in a rage). Where is the King ? Go, sond him 

here to me. 

Oh, Zeolide, go, get you hence away, 
For I have words for Phanor that 'twere best 
His daughter did not hear. 

Zeo. My father comes. 

Re-enter PHANOR and MIRZA. 

Altem. Now, sir, I've every reason to believe, 
From what I've heard, that you're deceiving me ! 
I'll question you oh, infamous old man ! 

Phan. (aside). The Queen is jealous. Where's my talis- 
man V (Finds it.) 

All right it's well I have it with me now. 
(Aloud.) Interrogate me. Conscious innocence 
Has little fear of palaces of Truth ! 

Altem. You have been walking in the shrubbery ; 
What were you doing there ? 

Phan. (with great show of love for ALTEMIRE). Why, 

making love 

To Mirza. I invariably do 
Whenever I've a chance ; but all in vain. 
She's a good woman, and despises me. 
(To MIRZA.) Haven't I offered love to you? 

Mirza. You have. 

Phan. And you despise me, don't you ? 

Mirza. Heartily. 

Phan. (to ALTEMIRE). I told you so, and she endorses it. 
Believe me, I am bound to speak the truth ! 

Altem. (bitterly). I do believe you. 

Phan. (taking her ~by the hand). Thank you, Altemire. 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 205 

Altem. Stand off, don't touch me, horrible old man ! 
You tell me you've made love to Mirza? 

Phan. (astonished). No! 

Did I say that ? 

Altem. Most unmistakably. 

Phan. Oh, come, I say ! 

Zor. You did indeed, my lord ! 

Phan. I said that I made love to Mirza ? 

Chrys. Yes, 

Those were the very words ! 

Phan. Oh, Mirza, come, 

You can deny this ! 

Mirza. Would, my lord, I could. 

To spare the Queen I would be silent, but 
Some unknown power masters me, and makes 
Me own, against my will, that it was so ! 

Altem. There, sir you hear her words ! 

Phan. (aside to GELANOR). Why, Gelanor, 

How's this ? The talisman is out of gear ! 

(Showing box to GELANOR.) 

Golan. Let me examine it. (Takes it and returns it.) 

A forgery ! 

A clever imitation ; virtueless ! 
It lacks the small inscription on the hinge ! 

(PnANOR/a7Zs breathless into a chair. 

Phan. To-morrow morning we go home again ! 



ACT III. 

SCENE. Tne Avenue of Palmsnight. CHRYSAL dis- 
covered with a drawn sword in his hand. 

Enter GELANOR. 

Gelan. Chrysal, alone ! And with a naked sword ! 

CJirys. I'm waiting Zoram. I have challenged him. 
He meets me here the Avenue of Palms. 

Gelan. Has he offended you? 

Chrys. Most grievously. 

You heard the words he used to me to-day ? 

Gelan. I did. 



206 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

CJirys. Then blood must flow. I am a knight ; 

My knightly honour claims this sacrifice. 
I've been insulted one of us must die ! 

Gelan. You are a valiant man, if one may judge 
By your demeanour. 

Chrys. (very valiantly}. My demeanour ? Bounce ! 
Mere idle empty froth and nothing more. 
Why, notwithstanding that I look so brave, 
I'd give the riches of a universe 
To find some decent means of backing out ; 
But, no, my honour must be satisfied ! 
If I endured with patience Zoram's taunts, 
I should deserve to have my knightly spurs 
Struck from my heels ! 'Sdeath, sir, I'm bound to fight ! 

Gelan. Is Zoram a good swordsman ? 

Chrys. Not at all. 

I'm far more skilled but still I can't repress 
A certain sense of terror. Accident 
May give him victory. 

Gelan. Apologize ! 

Chrys. (indignantly). To Zoram ? Never ! Would you 

have me stain 

My hitherto untarnished 'scutcheon ? Shame ! 
Stand back he comes ! 

Enter ZORAM, with drawn sword> 

Well, sir, you've kept your word. 

Zor. Of course I have ! 

Chrys. (very sternly). I'm very much surprised 
I may say disappointed to remark 
That you're prepared to fight and do not show 
The signs of terror that 1 hoped to see. 

Zor. (very Iravety). Oh, sir, I pray you don't deceive 

yourself ! 

My valiant manner hides an inward fear 
That almost robs me of the power of thought! 
Chrysal, you've grievously insulted me ; 
My sense of honour forces me to fight ! 
But I would rather have my hand cut off 
(Could that be done without inflicting pain) 
Than measure swords with you ! 

Chrys. You craven hound ! 

Zor. Craven yourself! 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 207 

Chrys. (furiously}. I am, but you don't know it, 
You musical impostor ! 

Zor. Ha, what's that ? 

I can stand much abuse and never flinch, 
But when you twit me with my ignorance 
Of musical expressions, blood alone 
(Unless we're interrupted) can extract 
The venom of the insult ! Come ! On guard ! 

(They fight.) 

Gelan. (aside). These donkeys must not fight! (Aloud.) 

Come let me try 
To reconcile you. 

Chrys. Reconcile us ? No ! 

But you can interfere to stop the fight ! (They desist.) 

Zor. (looking reproachfully at G^LAXOR). I little thought 

when I called Chrysal on, 
That such a venerable gentleman 
Would suffer two impetuous headstrong youths 
To cut each other's throats. 

Gelan. Come, come desist. 

Chrys. This hound abused me ! 

Zor. He insulted me ; 

Both. Our honour must be satisfied ! 

(They cross swords.} 

Gelan. No, no 

Attend to me. Within these crystal walls 
A strange mysterious influence prevails : 
All men are bound to speak the plainest truth ! 
And this they do, without suspecting it. 
(To ZORAM.) When Chrysal spoke the words that angered 

you 

He did not mean to speak them. He believed 
That he was paying you a compliment. 
(To CHRYSAL.) When Zoram said that he considered you 
A systematic liar, mean, poor, base, 
Selfish, and sordid, cruel, tyrannical, 
Twas what he thought not what he would have said ! 

Chrys. I see if that was only what he thought, 
It makes a difference. 

Gelan. What could he say ? 

lie was compelled, you know, to speak the truth. 

Chrys. Of course, I understand. Zoram, your hand ! 

Zor. With pleasure. (Shaking hands with CIIKYSAL.) 
Chrysal, 1 should like to say 



208 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

That I esteem you but indeed I can't. 
My detestation of you knows no bounds. 

Chrys. How, sir ? A fresh affront ? 

Zor. What can I do? 

I try my best to say agreeable things, 
But you're so utterly contemptible ! 
I'd put it more politely, but I can't ! 
I'm bound against my will to speak the truth ! 
I'd not insult you openly, for worlds 
Indeed, it's only what I think of you ! 

Chrys. If it is only what you think of me, 
Why, say no more ; give me your hand again- 
My knightly honour's amply satisfied ! 

[They sheathe their swords, then exeunt arm in arm. 

Gelan. So dies that breeze away ! Oh, honour, honour ! 
Let no one take you at the estimate 
Your self-elected champions price you at ! 
More harm is worked in that one virtue's name, 
Than springs from half the vices of the earth ! 

Enter QUEEN ALTEMIRE, in violent rage. 

Altem. Why, Gelanor, this is no spot for you, 
You'd better go the King will wish you gone. 

Gelan. Indeed ! And why ? 

Altem. I'll tell you, Gelanor, 

His majesty has an appointment here. 
Oh, Gelanor, I've been alone with him 
This afternoon, and I have learnt such things ! 
Why, even here despite the castle's charm, 
Despite the sacred influence of the place, 
He prosecutes his infidelities ! 
At first he persecuted Mirza, but 
Failing to find much favour in her eyes, 
He looked for other game. Why, Ge'lanor, 
He meets some woman called Azerna here, 
At ten o'clock to-night ! 

Gelan. The deuce he does ! 

Altem. Then I resolved to know the very worst. 
I locked him in my room and questioned him 
For full three hours about his married life. 
Oh, I elicited such fearful things ! 
Why, Gelanor, there's not a woman's name 
In all the long baptismal catalogue 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 209 



That's not identified with his intrigues ! 

Tall, short, stout, slender, fair, dark, old and young, 

High, low, rich, poor, good, bad, maid, widow, wife, 

Of every country and of every cliine ! 

All's fish that his nets catch ! 

Gelan. And a king's net 

Is very comprehensive. Here she comes ! 

Enter AZMA. 

Altem. Is this the woman ? Tell me, who are you? 

Azema. I am Azema. 

Altem. And Jam the Queen ! 

Azema (bowing). Then, madam, you're extremely in the 
way. 

Altem. How so ? 

Azema. I've an appointment with the King, 

Of which you are entirely unaware ; 
But though I'm much annoyed to find you here, 
I'm glad to find you here with Gelanor. 

Altem. And why ? 

Azema. If our intrigue should come to light, 

We can retaliate by giving out 
That you and Gelanor are just as bad. 

Altem. Upon my word ! 

Gelan. Oh, this is past belief ! 

Altem. Infamous hussy, you shall pay for this ! 

Azema. Why, madam, how have / offended you ? 

Altem. How ? you are here to meet the King, alone ; 
At night by pre-arrangement in the dark ! 

Azema. Oh, madam, this indeed is terrible ! 
That poor Azema should be charged with this ! 
It's true I've an appointment with the King, 
But as you're not aware of it, your words 
Are utterly unjustifiable. 
These flashing eyeballs and this angry blush 
(At least I hope I'm blushing) represent 
The noble rage of outraged innocence. 
I'll to the King, and let him know at once 
How, as I wandered through the grove, alone, 
I found you here with wicked Gelanor, 
At night by pre-arrangement in the dark. 
Oh, shame upon you shame upon you, Queen ! 
[Exit AZ&MA ALTEMIRK and GELANOR stand confounded. 

P 



210 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Gelan. Your majesty, I think I'd better go. 

Altem. Absurd ! the notion is preposterous 1 
You're old enough to be my father. 

Gelan. Quite ! 

And wise enough to know that proper folk 
Will only say " that makes the matter worse ! " 

Altem. But surely here, in this enchanted home, 
Where all are bound to speak the truth, our word 
Will guarantee our perfect innocence ! 

Gelan. Yes, if the King is pleased to take our word ; 
But, as you've brought a charge against the King, 
Analogous to that which will be brought 
Against ourselves, he may ignore the fact 
That truth is truth. No, no, upon the whole, 
I think, your majesty, I'd better go ! [Exit G^LANOR. 

* 

Enter PALMIS and ZEOLIDE, ZEOLIDE weeping. 

Palmis. Nay, do not weep, dear mistress. 

Zeo. Ah, my friend, 

What comfort can you offer me ? 

Palmis. I've heard 

That when one is oppressed with weight of woe, 
Some solace may be found in dwelling on 
The grief of one more sorely laden still. 

Zeo. More sorely laden ? Where will Zeolide 
Find one whose misery outweighs her own ? 

Palmis. Your misery, though great, is but a grain 
When balanced in the scales with mine ! 

Zeo. With yours? 

Palmis. Yes ; Philamir respects you. He esteems 
Your moral excellence, although no doubt 
He does not love you as a lover should ; 
But Chrysal always hated me, and sought 
To gain that love I gave so willingly 
To hasten his promotion at the Court. 
Your case and mine are different. Besides, 
You angered Philamir. I never gave 
My Chrysal any reason for his hate. 

Zeo. How did I anger him ? 

Palmis. Your petulance 

Annoyed him. 

Zeo. Petulance ! He told me that 

He only liked me ! 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 211 

AUem. (coming forward). True, but you forget 
He was compelled to speak the plainest truth, 
And knew not that he spoke it. He believed 
(While he was telling you he loved you not) 
That he was breathing ardent words of love ; 
Believing this, your reasonable rage 
Seemed in his eyes irrational caprice, 
And changed his waning love to sheer dislike. 

Zeo. Is this the truth, then ? 

AUem. Yes, I think it is. 

The test has been exceedingly severe. 

Zeo. I'll wed no man who cannot stand this test. 

Palmis. Then, Zeolide, you'll surely die a maid ! 

Altem. Come, come, be reasonable. Philamir 
Is but a man a vain and idle one, 
But under this veneer of coxcombry 
There's sterling stuff. The man is honest gold, 
And vanity has silver-plated him. 

Palmis. At all events, you know he likes you well. 
How many maidens when they wed a man 
Have reason to be sure of half as much ! 

Zeo. But then his love for Mirza ! 

Altem. Idle pique ! 

No doubt he hoped as other lovers hope 
In the fierce whirlpool of a new-born love 
To drown remembrance of the love just dead. 
Here comes the Lady Mirza ! We will go, 
And leave you with her. Tell her everything ; 
She is a noble lady wise and pure ! 
She will not rob you of your Philamir. 
There tell her all ! 

Zeo. Forgive me, mother dear, 

My heart is softened. I have been unjust. 

[Exeunt ALTEMIRE and PALMIS. 

Enter MIRZA. 

Mirza. Oh, Zeolide, I know what you would say. 
Ray on, dear Zeolide, and have no fear. 

Zeo. Mirza, for three long years we two have been 
As sisters are, and I would speak to you 
As younger sister speaks to elder-born. 
Give me your counsel, Mirza ; it will be 
As pure, as true, as honest as those eyes. 



212 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Mirza. If counsel such as mine can serve you aught, 
'Tis thine, dear Zeolide. My sister, speak. 

Zeo. With all my soul I love Prince Philainir. 
A lady good and beautiful and wise 
Unwittingly hath robbed me of my love ; 
She is too pure, too gentle, too divine, 
To seek a love that rightly is not hers. 
No, no, this lady hath not sought his love- 
Of that I'm certain, yet she hath his love ! 
Oh, Mirza, when my Philamir declared 
His love for me, I cast away the world 
To enter Paradise. Now, Philamir 
Has led this lady (all unwillingly) 
Within its gates, and I am left without 
A lonely wanderer 'twixt earth and heaven. 
Mirza, dear sister, say what shall I do? 
Give me thy counsel I'll abide by it. 

Mirza. No need to speak to me in parable. 
I am that lady whom you over-praise 
That most unhappy woman, Zeolide ! 
Despite myself, I must admit the truth, 
I do love Philamir shrink not from me. 
Mine is no idle love. Four years ago, 
Ere you had ever seen Prince Philamir, 
I was a lady of his father's Court. 
He loved me even then, and I loved him 
No need to tell you, dearest Zeolide, 
The nature of that love ; you know too well 
How women love who love Prince Philamir ! 
We were betrothed, but secretly. Alas ! 
I was a humble waiting lady, he 
A mighty Prince so we concealed our love. 
Then it was rumoured that he sought your hand, 
That policy, the curse of kings, required 
That he should marry you. Then I fell ill 
{Struggling ivitli her emotion} Pass over that. Let it 

suffice that I 
Released him for I loved him passing well ! 

Zeo. (amazed). 1 never knew of this ! 

Mirza. No, Zeolide, 

I've learnt to bear my sorrow silently. 
But for the sacred genius of this spot, 
Whose influence no mortal can resist, 
My secret would have passed away with me. 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 213 

But I was true to you ; for though I saw 
How coldly you received his vows of love 

Zeo. (rising, astonished). Coldly! Why, every word lie 

spoke to me 

Bang through niy brain, and would have waked up love 
Had love been dead ! 

Mirza. I thought you loved him not. 

But though I grieved for him, yet when he spake 
(As he at times would speak) of our old love, 
I checked him with a simulated scorn, 
For then, dear Zeolide, I loved you both ! 

Zeo. You love me still ? 

Mirza. Most heartily ! 

Zeo. Why, theu, 

Have mercy on me, give me Philamir 
He is the soul and essence of my life ! 
Dear sister Mirza, give him back to me. 
Oh, rather take my life than take my love, 
And leave me here to linger on, alone ! 

Mirza. Fear not, dear Zeolide, I love him v r ell, 
But I will never see his face again ! 

Zeo. Promise me this swear to renounce his love ! 

Mirza. As there's a shining sun in heaven I swear! 
See, I am brave, and I will fight my love 
As 1 have fought ere this. Take courage, dear ; 
I'll leave this place to-night, and Philamir 
Shall ne'er set eyes upon my face again. 
There, go I'll tell him this. He's coming now* 
Go, dry your eyes he should not see them so. 
Come back again when they are at their best. 

[Exit ZEOLIDE. 

Enter PHILAMIR. 

Phil. Mirza I have some words to say to you 
The diary you lost to-day ? 

Miraz (eagerly}. Well, sir, 

And have you found it ? 

Phil. Mirza, I have found 

A portion of it one loose leaf behold ! (Producing 

Mirza. And you have read it, Philamir ? 

Phil, (guilty). I have! 

Mirza. Oh, shame upon you shame upon you, sir ! 
You gave your knightly word you are forsworn ! 



2t4 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Phil. But, Mirza, hear me out, ere you condemn. 
I saw a paper tossed before the wind 
And little dreaming 'twas your diary, 
I picked it up. I knew not what it was 
Till I began to read it. Then I knew, 
And knowing so much, burnt to know still more ! 

Mirza. But when you knew it held my secret thoughts, 
You read no further ? 

Phil, (abashed). Mirza, I read on ! 

Mirza. Lost ! lost ! Give me that leaf, Prince Philamir ; 
You have deceived me, sir I trusted you. 

Phil. But, Mirza, where's the knight who would have 

stopped 

When of himself he read such words as these ? 
(Heads) " I still love Philamir, but I must strive 
To battle with niy love. Oh, give me grace 
To fight this fight." 

Mirza. I charge you read no more ! 

Phil. " By day his every look his every word- 
Renews some mem'ry that should be long dead ; 
By night the phantom of my loved one's face 
Burns in my eyes and robs me of my rest ! " 

Mirza. My secret has gone forth. I strove to keep 
That love as silent as my silent heart ; 
But it was not to be. You now know all ! 
Yet no not all ! 

Phil. Then, Mirza, tell me all. 

Speak openly hide nothing from me now. 

Mirza. I will speak openly. I love you, sir 
And, loving you, I leave the Court to-night, 
That I may never see your face again. 

Phil. Eecall those words ! we will not must not part! 

(He detains her.) 

Enter ZEOLIDE, unobserved. 

Mirza. Eelease me, Philamir, and let me go ! 
I love you ! Let me hide myself away. 
I love you ! Leave me with myself alone. 
I love you ! Show me gratitude for this, 
And leave me free to sanctify my vow, 
For I have sworn to see your face no more ! 

Phil. To whom have you sworn this ? 

Mirza. To Zeolide, 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 215 

Whom you once loved so well who still loves you. 

Pli il. I never loved her, Mirza who is she, 
That she should come between me and my love ? 
She loves me not, and I have done with her. 

Mirza. Oh, this will kill her, sir ! 

Zeo. No Mirza no ! 

It will not kill me. I can bear this blow. 

( Coming forward.} 

Prince Phikmir, we two have been betrothed 
Your word is plighted well, I set you free. 
Mirza, you swore to leave Prince Philamir 
Your word is plighted well, I set you free. 

(She takes MIRZA'S hand and places it in PHTLAMIB'S.) 
Oh, Philamir this is indeed the end ! 
Be true to her such sacred love as hers 
Should purify its object oh, be true ! 
I'm but a chapter in your book of life, 
I who had thought to be the book itself ! 
The chapter's ended, and to Zeolide 
The book is closed for ever ! Philamir, 
"When you are tempted to do Mirza wrong, 
Turn to that chapter read it through and through 
And let the tale of all that I have borne 
Warn you from fresh inconstancy ; my grief 
May thus be Mirza's safeguard to the end. 
Mirza my sister he will love you well 
Here, in the home of truth, he tells you so. 
May you be happy in his new-born love, 
May he be worthy of such love as 3 r ours 
(To PHILAMIR.) Speak not, but let me go. 

(Kisses MIRZA'S forehead.') 
Farewell farewell ! 

[Exit ZEOLIDE, weeping PHILAMIR and MIRZA stand for 
a moment gazing at each other then they fall into 
each other's arms. 

Phil. Mirza, my own ! At last at last my own 1 

Mirza. Oh, Philamir ! I am so cruelly racked 
By sentiments I cannot reconcile ; 
I know not whether this is joy or grief ! 
True, when I think of Philamir, the air 
Seems charged with music, and the earth I tread 
All flowers. When I remember Zeolide 
I could go mad with sorrow ! 

Phil. Then, my love, 



216 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

Think not of Zeolidc ! 

Mirza. Ah, Philamir, 

You speak as men speak of a worn-out love. 
You only know one kind of love, you men ! 
My love for Zeolide is otherwise, 
Unselfish, generous, a sister's love. 
Yet have I stolen from her gentle heart 
That which in all the world she loved the best ! 

Phil. You are too sensitive. Say rather, she 
Hath freely given that she prizes least. 

Mirza. Oh, Philamir, indeed you do her wrong, 
And may perchance wrong me, as you wronged her. 

Phil, (rising'). Impossible ! For if the words I breathe 
Were dashed with any mockery of love, 
I should, against my will, confess it now. 
Mirza, I love you ! These are idle words 
When spoken in the unenchanted world, 
But, spoken here, they bear significance 
That rivals in its worth a life-long test ! 
Let us exchange some trinket which shall serve 
As evidence of this our solemn troth. 
Here is my pledge. (Giving a ring.} 

Mirza. My love, what can I give ? 

I have no trinkets I am very poor ! 

Phil. A handkerchief a glove no matter what ! 

(She feels in pocket and takes out' handkerchief the 
crystal box falls out with it he picks it up and 
retains it.) 

This crystal box nay, give it me, 'twill serve 
To chronicle 

Mirza (hastily). No, no, Prince Philamir ! 
Not that not that ! it is a talisman ! 

Phil. Then I will steal it as I stole your heart, 
And I will keep it while I keep that heart. 

Mirza. Give me that box, or I must own the truth 
That I am miserably false in all ! 

(Throwing herself at his feet.) 
That my morality is all assumed ! 
That I am mean, and base, and treacherous ! 
A shameless schemer! heartless impudent! 
Give me that box, or I must own that I 
Abstracted it from Phanor's cabinet, 
And substituted one that I possessed 
Exactly like it. I must own to you 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 217 

That I'm unutterably infamous 

A hypocrite a traitress to my friend 

All this, and more, I must admit, if you 

Retain that talisman ! Oh, give it me, 

And let this locket testify our love ! 

The King ! The King ! The King ! I am undone ! 

{Exit MIRZA hastily. 

Phil. Gone, gone ! and Philamir, who thought he knew 
The ways of women well, had still to learn 
That in one woman's body there is place 
For such a goodly show of purity, 
And such unequalled treachery of heart ! 
Oh, Zeolide, for how much infamy 
Have I rejected thine unequalled love ? 

Enter PHANOK with CHRYSAL and ZOKAM. 

Phan. Congratulate me, I'm half mad with joy ; 
Azema comes to tell me that she found 
The Queen and Gelanor together here 
Alone at night ! 

Phil. Well, sir, and what of that ? 

Phan. Nothing at all, my boy ! Why, that's the joke. 
Old Gelanor has dandled Altemire 
Upon his aged knee five hundred times ! 

Phil. What lately? 

Phan. No ! I won't commit myself 

By telling you how many years ago, 
But long before her majesty was weaned. 

Phil, (shrugging his shoulders). I see no reason to con- 
dole with you, 

Because her majesty and Gelanor 
Were here together neither do I see 
Why you should be congratulated, sir ! 

Phan. You're very dull ! The Queen has just found out 
That I had an appointment in this grove 
To meet Azema don't you understand ? 
I can retort and take indignant ground. 
What was she doing here with Gelanor ? 
You'll see ! (Sees box.) Hallo ! what's that ? 

Phil. A talisman. 

It fell from Mirza's pocket as you came. 

Phan. The deuce it did ! Allow me ; this is mine ! 

(Taking if.) 
I'ltil. I know : she stole it from your cabinet ; 



218 THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 

She owned as ranch ! 

Phan. Confound her impudence ! 

Phil. Oh, I have been deceived ! 

Phan. And so have I ! 

Most seriously deceived ! Hush, here's the Queen, 
And with that gay deceiver, Gelanor ! 
The talisman has turned up just in time. 

Enter ALTEMIRE and GE"LANOR, with AZEMA and MIRZA. 

So, madam, I've detected you ! 

Altem. (indignantly). How, sir? 

Plian. Never mind how and you too, Gelanor. 
Oh, I'm ashamed of you! (Crossing to GELANOR.) 

Qelan. Your majesty, 

I don't know what you mean. 

Phan. You bad old man ! 

(Affecting to weep) You whom I trusted so ! (Aside.) 

Don't be alarmed, 

I'm not in earnest. (Aloud.) Oh, it's infamous ! 
Why, let me see how old are you? 

Gelan. My lord, 

If you imply 

Phan. Imply ! (Aside.) Don't be a fool, 

I'm not in earnest ; I have found the box ! 
(Aloud.) Explain this conduct ! 

Altem. Sir, is this a joke ? 

Phan. Well, not exactly, madam ; you've been found 
Philandering at night with Gelanor. 
Being within the influence of these walls, 
You're bound to speak the truth. If you can say 
Your meeting's innocent, I'm satisfied. 

Altem. As innocent as truth itself, I swear. 

Phan. I'm satisfied ! Your hand 

Altem. Nay, hear me first. 

I charge you with appointing here to meet 
Azema ; you are bound to tell the truth, 
Being within the influence of these walls. 
If you can unreservedly deny 
This charge, I also shall be satisfied. 

Phan. Emphatically I deny the charge ! 

Altem. (astounded). You do ? 

Phan. I do ! (Piously.) This is the Home of Truth, 
And all are subject to its influence. 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 2 19 

Altem. (puzzled}. But you admitted it when you 

confessed 
Your gallantries to me this afternoon ! 

Phan. Oh, you've been dreaming ! 

Altem. Do I understand 

That you deny that you confessed all this ? 

Phan. Distinctly ! (Piously.) This is the Abode of 
Truth. 

Altem. I have been dreaming ! Phanor, there's my 

hand. 
I've deeply wronged you. 

Phan. Altemire, you have ! 

But say no more we are good friends again. 

Altem. Then you forgive me ? 

Phan. Heartily I do ! 

Altem. I'll never be a jealous fool again. 

Phan. I'm very glad indeed to hear you say so. 

Enter ZEOLIDE ALTEMIRE retires with G^LANOR and con- 
verses with ZEOLIDE PHILAMIR, seeing ZEOLIDE, comes 
down abashed. 

Phan. (to PHILAMIR). Well, and what's wrong with 
you? 

Phil. I've been a fool, 

A madman, and a true-born idiot ! 

Phan. By the mysterious influence of this place, 
I can believe it ! 

Phil. I have given up 

The noblest woman that I ever knew, 
For that abominable cockatrice 
Who quitted me as you arrived. 

Phan. Well! well! 

You may regain her yet. 

Phil. Impossible ! 

Phan. Oh, not at all ! there take this talisman. 

(ZEOLIDE overhears this speech.} 
With this you're proof against the influence 
That rules this place ; you can declare to her 
That you adore the very ground she walks, 
And wallow in the foolish flummery 
That used to make }^ou so ridiculous. 
She will believe it all there, take it, boy, 
And make good use of it to win her back. 



220 THE fALACE OF TRUTH. 

Phil. I'll use it, Phanor, and I'll use it well ! 

Zeo. (aside). He takes the box. And thus he thinks 

to win 

The hand of his forsaken Zeolide ! 
Oh, Philamir, this is contemptible. 
I think I could have loved you, but for this ! 

Phil. Dear Zeolide, I hold a talisman, 
Enabling me to counteract the charm 
That reigns within these walls. With this in hand 
I can tell truth or falsehood as I please, 
And you must needs believe me. Zeolide, 
I've learned to set a value on your love 
Transcending all the riches of the earth ; 
Yet would I rather live without that love 
A life of self-reproach without that love 
Repentant and alone without that love 
Than stoop to gain it by such treachery. 
Here is the talisman. (ZEOLIDE takes it.) No longer 

armed 

Against the sacred influence of Truth, 
I tell you of my sorrow and my love 
With all the warmth of a repentant heart ! 

(He presses ZEOLIDE to his heart and kisses her.) 

Altem. (indignantly). Give me that talisman ! (Takes it.) 

I have a clue 
To much that was a mystery : Behold ! 

(She breaks it a loud crash all come forward.) 

Enter ARISTJSUS. 

Gelan. You know not what you've done! The castle's 

charm 

Is bound up with that mystic talisman ! 
Now that the box is broken, these fair walls 
Are disenchanted ! 

Phan. P'raps it's quite as well. 

Now that the place has lost its influence 
We shall get on much better. We have learnt 
A lesson that should last us till we die 
We've learnt how matrimonial constancy 
By causeless jealousy is sometimes tried 

(Looking reproachfully at ALTEMIRE.) 
Altem. How jealousy is sometimes justified 

(Looking reproachfully at PHANOR.) 



THE PALACE OF TRUTH. 221 

CTirys. How Zoram music's vaunted pioneer 
Don't even know his notes and has no ear ! 
Even his cant expressions are the wrong ones ! 

Zor. I have an ear ! 

Phan. (shaking his hand). You have two very long 
ones! 

Palmis. You've learnt to doubt the love that those 

profess, 
Who by such love gain temporal success 

(Looking angrily at CHRYSAL.) 

Zor. That surly misanthropes, with venom tainted 

Arist. Are often not as black as they are painted ! 

Azema. To doubt all maids who of their virtue boast : 
That they're the worst who moralize the most ! 

(Looking at MIRZA.) 

Mirza. That blushes, though they're most becoming,yet 
Proclaim, too oft, the commonplace coquette ! 

(Looking at AZEMA.) 
I can declare, with pardonable pride, 
I never blush ! 

Azema. You couldn't if you tried ! 

Phil. Under the influence that lately reigned 
Within these walls I breathed my love unfeigned ; 
Now that that power no longer reigns above, 
I ratify the accents of my love. 
Forgive me, Zeolide, my life, my bride! 

Zeo. (very demurely). I love you, Philamir be satisfied ! 



TRIAL BY JURY. 

A DRAMATIC CANTATA. 
IN ONE ACT. 



DRAMATIS PERSONS. 

THE LEARNED JUDGE . MR. F. SULLIVAN. 

COUNSEL FOR THE PLAINTIFF. 

THE DEFENDANT MR. W. FISHER. 

FOREMAN OF THE JURY MR. CAMPBELL. 

USHER MR. KELLEHER. 

THE PLAINTIFF Miss BROMLKY. 

BRIDESMAIDS, GENTI.I;MEN OF THE JURY, ETC. 



TRIAL BY JURY. 



SCENE. A Court of Justice. 

BARRISTERS, ATTORNEYS, and JURYMEN discovered ivith 

USHEE. 

Chorus. 

Hark, the hour of ten is sounding ! 
Hearts with anxious fears are bounding ; 
Hall of Justice crowds surrounding, 

Breathing hope and fear 
For to-day in this arena, 
Summoned by a stern subpoena, 
Edwin, sued by Angelina, 

Shortly will appear. 

(The USHER marshals the JURY into Jury-box.) 

Solo, USHER. 

Now, Jurymen, hear my advice 
All kinds of vulgar prejudice 

I pray you set aside : 
With stern judicial frame of mind, 
From bias free of every kind, 

This trial must be tried. 

Chorus. 

From bias free of every kind 
This trial must be tried. 

(Duriny Choruses, USHER says, fortissimo, " Silence in 

Court I ") 

Q 



226 TRIAL BY JURY. 

USHER. 

Oh, listen to the plaintiff's case : 
Observe the features of her face- 
The broken-hearted bride. 
Condole with her distress of mind 
From bias free of every kind 

This trial must be tried ! 

Chorus. 
From bias free, etc. 

USHEK. 

And when amid the plaintiff's shrieks, 
The ruffianly defendant speaks 

Upon the other side ; 
What he may say you needn't mind- 
From bias free of every kind 

This trial must be tried. 

Chorus. 

From bias free, etc. 

Enter DEFENDANT. 
DEFENDANT {recit.}. 
Is this the Court of the Exchequer? 

ALL. 
It is! 

DEFENDANT (aside). 

Be firm, my moral pecker, 
Your evil star's in the ascendant! 

ALL. 
"Who are you ? 

DEFENDANT. 
I'm the Defendant! 



TRIAL BY JURY. 227 



Chorus of JURYMEN (shaking their fists}. 

Monster, dread our damages ! 
We're the jury, 
Dread our fury ! 

DEFENDANT. 

Hear rne, hear me, if you please, 

These are very strange proceedings 

For, permit me to remark, 

On the merits of my pleadings, 

You're at present in the dark. 

(DEFENDANT "beckons to JURYMEN they have the box, 
and gather round him as they sing the following) : 

Ha! ha! ha! 

That's a very true remark 
On the merits of your pleadings, 
We're entirely in the dark ! 
Ha! ha! ha! ha! 



Song, DEFENDANT. 

When first my old, old love I knew, 

My bosom swelled with joy ; 
My riches at her feet I threw 

I was a love-sick boy ! 
No terms seemed extravagant 

Upon her to employ 
I used to mope, and sigh, and pant, 

Just like a love-sick boy ! 

But joy incessant palls the sense ; 

And love, unchanged, will cloy, 
And she became a bore intense 

Unto her love-sick boy ! 
With fitful glimmer burnt my flame 

And I grew cold and coy, 
At last, one morning, I became 

Another's love-sick boy ! 



228 TRIAL BY JURY. 



Chorus of JURYMEN (advancing stealthily), 

Oh, I was like that when a lad ; 
A shocking young scamp of a rover ! 
I behaved like a regular cad ; 
But that sort of thing is all over. 
I'm now a respectable chap 
And shine with a virtue resplendent, 
And therefore I haven't a scrap 
Of sympathy with the defendant ! 

He shall treat us with awe, 

If there isn't a flaw, 
Singing so merrily Trial-la-law! 
Trial-la-law Trial-la-law ! 
Singing so merrily Trial-la-law ! 

Recit, USHEE. 

Silence in Court, and all attention lend. 
Behold your Judge ! In due submission bend ! 



Enter JUDGE on Bench. 

Chorus. 

All hail, great Judge ! 

To your bright rays 
We never grudge 

Ecstatic praise. 

All hail ! 
May each decree 

As statute rank, 
And never be 

Keversed in bane. 
All hail ! 

Itecit. JUDGE. 

For these kind words accept my thanks, I pray 1 
A Breach of Promise we've to try to-day : 
But firstly, if the time you'll not begrudge, 
I'D tell you how I came to be a judge. 



TRIAL BY JURY. 229 

ALL. 
He'll tell us how he came to be a judge ! 

JUDGE. 
Let me speak. 

ALL. 

Let him speak. 

JUDGE. 
Let me speak. 

ALL. 

Let him speak. Hush ! hush ! ! hush ! ! ! 
(fortissimo) He'll tell us how he came to be a judge ! 

Song, JUDGE. 

When I, good friends, was called to the bar, 

I'd an appetite fresh and hearty, 
But I was, as many young barristers are, 

An impecunious party : 
I'd a swallow-tail coat of a beautiful blue 

A brief which I bought of a booby 
A couple of shirts and a collar or two, 

And a ring that looked like a ruby ! 

Chorus. 

A couple of shirts, etc. 

JUDGE. 

In Westminster Hall I danced a dance, 

Like a semi-despondent fury ; 
For I thought I should never hit on a chance 

Of addressing a British jury- 
But I soon got tired of third-class journeys, 

And dinners of bread and water ; 
So I fell in love with a rich attorney's 

Elderly, ugly daughter. 



230 TRIAL BY JURY. 

Chorus. 
So he fell in love, etc. 

JUDGE. 

The rich attorney he jumped with joy, 

And replied to my fond professions : 
'* You shall reap the reward of your pluck, my boy, 

At the Bailey and Middlesex Sessions. 
You'll soon get used to her looks," said he, 

" And a very nice girl you'll find her ! 
She may very well pass for forty-three 

In the dusk, with a light behind her ! " 

Chorus. 
" She may very well," etc. 

JUDGE. 

The rich attorney was good as his word : 

The briefs came trooping gaily, 
And every day my voice was heard 

At the Sessions or Ancient Bailey. 
All thieves who could my fees afford 

Relied on my orations, 
And many a burglar I've restored 

To his friends and his relations. 

Chorus. 
And many a burglar, etc. 

JUDGE. 

At length I became as rich as the Gurneys 

An incubus then I thought her, 
So I threw over that rich attorney's 

Elderly, ugly daughter. 
The rich attorney my character high 

Tried vainly to disparage 
And now, if you please, I'm ready to try 

This breach of promise of marriage ! 



TRIAL BY JURY. 231 

Chorus. 
And now, if you please, etc. 

JUDGE. 
For now I am a Judge ! 

ALL. 
And a good Judge too ! 

JUDGE. 
Yes, uow I am a Judge ! 

ALL. 
And a good Judge too ! 

JUDGE. 

Though all my law is fudge, 
Yet I'll never, never budge, 
But I'll live and die a Judge ! 

ALL. 
And a good Judge too 1 

JUDGE (pianissimo). 

It was managed by a job ! 

ALL. 
And a good job too ! 

JUDGE. 
It was managed by a job ! 

ALL. 
And a good job too! 



232 TRIAL BY JURY. 



JUDGE. 

It is patent to the mob, 
That my being made a nob 
Was effected by a job. 

ALL. 
And a good job too ! 

Enter COUNSEL for PLAINTIFF. 

COUNSEL (recit.). 
Swear thou the Jury ! 

USHER. 
Kneel, Jurymen, oh ! kneel ! 

the Jury kneel in the Jury-box, and so are hidden from 

audience.) 

USHEK. 

Oh, will you swear by yonder skies, 
Whatever question may arise 
'Twixt rich and poor 'twixt low and high, 
That you will well and truly try ? 

JURY (raising their hands, which alone are visible). 

To all of this we make reply, 
By the dull slate of yonder sky : 
That we will well and truly try. 

(All rise with the last note, both hands in air.) 

Becit. USHER. 

This blind devotion is indeed a crusher ! 
Pardon the tear-drop of the simple Usher ! 

(He iveeps.) 

Redt. COUNSEL. 
Call the plaintiff! 



TRIAL BY JURY. 233 

Recit. USHER. 
Oli, Angelina ! Angelina ! ! Come them into Court. 

Enter the BRIDESMAIDS, each bearing two palm branches, 
their arms crossed on their bosoms, and rose-wreaths on 
their arms. 

Chorus of BRIDESMAIDS. 

Comes the broken flower 

Comes the cheated maid 
Though the tempest lower, 

Eain and cloud will fade ! 
Take, O maid, these posies : 

Though thy beauty rare 
Shame the blushing roses, 

They are passing fair ! 

Wear the flowers till they fade : 
Happy be thy life, maid ! 

(The JUDGE, having taken a great fancy to FIRST BRIDES- 
MAID, sends her a note by USHER, which she reads, 
kisses rapturously, and places in her bosom.) 

Solo, ANGELINA. 

? cr the season vernal 

Time may cast a shade ; 
Sunshine, if eternal, 

Makes the roses fade ! 
Time may do his duty ; 

Let the thief alone- 
Winter hath a beauty 

That is all his own. 

Fairest days are sun and shade: 
I am no unhappy maid ! 

(By this time the JUDGE has transferred his admiration to 

ANGELINA.) 

Chorus of BRIDESMAIDS. 
Comes the broken flower, etc. 

( Touring Chorus ANGELINA collects wreaths of roses from 
BRIDESMAIDS and gives them to the JURY, who put 
them on, and ivear them during the rest of the 



234 TRIAL BY JURY. 

JUDGE (to ASSOCIATE). 

Oh, never, never, never, since I joined the human race 3 
Saw I so exquisitely fair a face. 

The JURY (shaking their forefingers at JUDGE). 
Ah, sly dog ! Ah, sly dog ! 

JUDGE (to JURY). 
How say you, is she not designed for capture ? 

FOREMAN (after consulting ivith the JURY). 
We've but one word, my lord, and that is Rapture ! 

PLAINTIFF (curtseying'). 
Your kindness, gentlemen, quite overpowers ! 

The JURY. 
We love you fondly, and would make you ours ! 

The BRIDESMAIDS (shaking their forefingers at JURY). 
A.h, sly dogs ! Ah, sly dogs ! 

COUNSEL for PLAINTIFF (recit.). 

May it please you, my lud! 
Gentlemen of the Jury ! 

Ana. 

With a sense of deep emotion, 
I approach this painful case ; 

For I never had a notion 
That a man could be so base, 

Or deceive a girl confiding, 

Vows, etccetera, deriding. 

ALL. 

He deceived a girl confiding, 
Vows, etccetera, deriding. 



TRIAL BY JURY. 235 

(PLAINTIFF falls sobbing on COUNSEL'S breast, and remains 

there.') 

COUNSEL. 

See my interesting client, 

Victim of a heartless wile ! 
See the traitor all defiant 

Wears a supercilious smile! 
Sweetly smiled my client on him, 
Coyly woo'd and gently won himl 

ALL. 

Sweetly smiled, etc. 

COUNSEL. 

Swiftly fled each honeyed hour 
Spent with this unmanly male ! 

Camberwell became a bower, 
Peckham an Arcadian Vale, 

Breathing concentrated otto ! 

An existence a la Watteau. 

ALL. 
Bless us, concentrated otto ! etc. 

COUNSEL (coming down with PLAINTIFF, who is still sobliny 

on his breast). 

Picture, then, my client naming 
And insisting on the day : 

Picture him excuses framing- 
Going from her far away; 

Doubly criminal to do so, 

For the maid had brought her trousseau ! 

ALL. 
Doubly criminal, etc. 

COUNSEL (to PLAINTIFF, who weeps}. 
Cheer up, my pretty oh, cheer up ! 



236 TRIAL BY JURY. 

JURY. 
Cheer up, cheer up, we love you ! 

(COUNSEL leads PLAINTIFF fondly into Witness-box ; he fates 
a fender leave of her, and resumes his place in Court.') 

(PLAINTIFF reels, as if about to faint.') 
JUDGE. 

That she is reeling 
Is plain to me ! 

FOREMAN. 

If faint you're feeling, 
Eecline on me ! 

(She falls sobbing on to the FOREMAN'S breast.) 

PLAINTIFF (feebly}. 

I shall recover 
If left alone. 

ALL (shaking their fists at DEFENDANT). 

Oh, perjured lover, 
Atone ! atone ! 

FOREMAN. 

Just like a father 

I wish to be. (Kissing her.) 

JUDGE (approaching her). 

Or, if you'd rather, 
Recline on me ! 

(She staggers on to bench, sits down by the JUDGE, and falls 

sobbing on his breast.) 

COUNSEL. 

Oh ! fetch some water 
From far Cologne ! 



TRIAL BY JURY. 237 



ALL. 

For tliis sad slaughter 
Atone! atone! 

JURY (shaking fists at DEFENDANT). 

Monster, monster, dread our fury 
There's the Judge, and we're the Jury ! 

Song, DEFENDANT. 

Oh, gentlemen, listen, I pray, 

Though I own that my heart has been ranging, 
Of nature the laws I obey, 

For nature is constantly changing. 
Tho moon in her phases is found, 

The time and the wind and the weather, 
The months in succession come round, 
And you don't find two Mondays together. 
Consider the moral, I pray, 

Nor bring a young fellow to sorrow, 
Who loves this young lady to-day, 
And loves that young lady tomorrow. 

BRIDESMAIDS (rushing forward, and kneeling to JURY). 
Consider the moral, etc. 

You cannot cat breakfast all day, 

Nor is it the act of a sinner, 
When breakfast is taken away, 

To turn your attention to dinner ; 
And it's not in the range of belief, 

That you could hold him as a glutton, 
Who, when he is tired of beef, 
Determines to tackle the mutton. 
But this I am ready to say, 

If it will appease their sorrow, 
I'll marry one lady to-day, 

And I'll marry the other to-morrow. 

BRIDESMAIDS (rushing forward as hfore). 
But this he is ready to say, etc. 



238 TRIAL BY JURY. 

JUDGE (recit.*). 

That seems a reasonable proposition, 
To which I think your client may agree. 

ALL. 
Oh, Judge discerning 1 

COUNSEL. 

But, I submit, my lord, with all submission, 
To marry two at once is Burglaree ! 

(Be/erring to law look.) 

In the reign of James the Second, 

It was generally reckoned 

As a very serious crime 

To marry two wives at one time. 

(Hands book up to JUDGE, who reads it.) 

ALL. 
Oh, man of learning ! 

Quartette. 
JUDGE. 

A nice dilemma we have here, 
That calls for all our wit : 

COUNSEL. 

And at this stage it don't appear 
That we can settle it. 

DEFENDANT. 

If I to wed the girl am loth 
A breach 'twill surely be ! 

PLAINTIFF. 

And if he goes and marries both 
It counts as Burglaree ! 



TRIAL BY JURY. 239 

ALL. 
A nice dilemma, etc. 

Duet, PLAINTIFF and DEFENDANT. 
PLAINTIFF (embracing DEFENDANT rapturously}, 

I love him I love him with fervour unceasing, 

I worship and madly adore ; 
My blind adoration is always increasing, 

My loss I shall ever deplore. 
Oh, see what a blessing what love and caressing 

I've lost, and remember it, pray, 
When you. I'm addressing are busy assessing 

The damages Edwin must pay. 

DEFENDANT (repelling her furiously}. 

I smoke like a furnace I'm always in liquor, 

A ruffian a bully a sot. 
I'm sure I should thrash her perhaps I should kick her, 

I am such a very bad lot ! 
I'm not prepossessing, as you may be guessing, 

She couldn't endure me a day ! 
Recall my professing when you are assessing 

The damages Edwin must pay ! 

(She dings to him passionately ; he drags her round stage, and 

flings her to the ground) 

JURY. 
We would be fairly acting 







But this is most distracting ! 



o 



JUDGE \recit.). 

The question, gentlemen, is one of liquor ; 

You ask for guidance this is my reply : 
If he, when tipsy, would assault and kick her, 

Let's make him tipsy, gentlemen, and try ! 

COUNSEL. 

With all respect 
1 do object ! 



24 o TRIAL BY JURY. 



ALL. 

With all respect 
We do object ! 



DEFENDANT. 
I don't object! 

ALL. 
We do object ! 

JUDGE (tossing his looks and papers about). 

All the legal furies seize you ! 
No proposal seems to please you ; 
I can't stop up here all day, 
I must shortly go away. 
Barristers, and you, attorneys, 
Set out on your homeward journeys ; 
Put your briefs upon the shelf, 
I will marry her myself! 

(He comes down from Bench to floor of Court. He embraces 

Angelina.) 

Finale. 
PLAINTIFF. 

Oh, joy unbounded ! 
With wealth surrounded, 
The knell is sounded 

Of grief and woe. 

COUNSEL. 

With love devoted 
On you he's doated : 
To castle moated 

Away they go \ 



TRIAL BY JURY. 241 



DEFENDANT. 

I wonder whether 
They'll live together 
In marriage tether 

In manner true ? 



USHER. 

It seems to me, sir, 
Of such as she, sir, 
A judge is he, sir, 

A good judge too. 



Chorus. 
It seems to me, sir, etc. 

JUDGE. 
Oh yes, I am a Judge. 

ALL. 

And a good Judge too ! 

JUDGE. 
Oh yes, I am a Judge. 

ALL. 

And a good Judge too ! 

JUDGE. 

Though homeward as you trudge, 
You declare my law is fudge, 
Yet of beauty I'm a judge. 

E 



242 TRIAL BY JURY. 

ALL. 
And a good judge too ! 

(JUDGE and PLAINTIFF dance lack on to the Bench the 
BRIDESMAIDS take the eight garlands of ro?es from 
behind the Judge's desk (where one end of them is 
fastened} and draw them across floor of Court, so 
that they radiate from the desk. Two plaster Cupids 
in bar wujs descend from flics. Red fire.) 



THE END. 



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Herr Paulus. 
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MY Miscellanies. 
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' I Say No. 1 
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COLLIN5 continue^. 
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The Evil Genius. 
The Legacy of Cain. 
A Rogue's Life. 
Blind I ove. 
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Every In:h a So'.dier. 

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His Vanished Star. 

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In the Kingdom of Kerry 

Interference. 

A Third Person, 

Beyond the Pale. 

Jason. 



By B. 

Diana Barrington. 
Proper Pride. 
A Family Likeness. 
Pretty Miss Neville. 
A Bird of Passage. 
'To Let.' I Mr. Jervis. 
Village Tales. 
Some One Else. 

By W. CYPLES. Hearts of Gold. 

By ALPHONSE DAUDET. 
The Evangelist ; or. Port Salvation. 

By H. COLEMAN DAVIDSON. 
Mr. Sadler s Daughters. 

By ERASMUS DAWSON. 
The Fountain of Youth. 
By J. DE M I LLE. A Castle in Spain. 

By J. LEITH DERWENT. 
Our Lady of Tears. | Circe's Lovers. 
By HARRY DE WINDT. 
Tme Tales of Travel and Adventure. 

By DICK DONOVAN. 
Tracked to Doom. I The Mysteryof Jamaica. 

Man from Manchester. | Terrace. 
The Chronicles of Michael Danevitch. 
Vincent Trill. | Taleg of Terror. 

By RICHARD DOWLING. 
Old Corcoran's Money. 

By A. CONAN DOYLE 
The Firm of Girdlestone. 

By S. JEANNETTE DUNCAN. 
A Daughter of To day. I Vernon's Aunt. 
By A. EDWARDES. A Plaster Saint. 
By G. S. EDWARDS. -Snazelleparilla. 
By G. MANVILLE FENN 



C-irsed by a Fortune. 
The Case of Ailsa Gray 
Commodore Junk.. 
The New Mistress. 
Witness to the Deed. 
The Tiger Lily. 
The White Virgin. 
Black Blood. 
Double Cunning. 
Bar; of Diamonds. &r. 
By 



A Fluttered Dovecote. 
King of the Castle 
Matter of Ceremonies. 
Eve at. the Wheei. &c. 
The Man with a Shado M 
One Maid's Mischief. 
Story of Antony Grace. 
This'Man's Wife. 
In Jeopardy. fn'ng. 
A Woman Worth Win- 
PERCY FITZGERALD. -Fatal Zero 
By R. E. FRANCILLON. 



Ropes of Saud. 

Jack Doyle's Daughter. 



One by One. 

A Dog and his Shadow. 

A Real Queen. 

By HAROLD FREDURIC. 
Seth's Brother s Wife. | The Lawtcu Girl. 
By PAUL GAULOT. Th ReJ shuts. 
By CHARLES GIBBON. 



Robin Gray. 
Loving a Dream. 
Of High Degree 

By E 

The Lost Hefregs. 
A Fair Colonist. 
The Fossicker. 



The Golden Shaft. 
The Braes of Yarrow 



GLANVILLE. 

The Golden Rock. 
Tales from the Veld 



28 CHATTO & WINDUS, Publishers, in St. Martin's Lane, London, W.C, 

THE PICCADILLY (3/6) NOVELS continued. 

By E. J. GOODMAN. 
The Fate of Herbert Wayne. 

By Rev. S. BARING GOULD. 
Red Spider. I Eve. 

By CECIL GRIFFITH. 
Corinthia Marazion. 

By SYDNEY GRUNDY. 



By GEORGE MACDONALD. 

Heather and Snow. | Phantastes. 

By PAUL & VICTOR MARGUERITTE 

The Disaster 

MEADE. 

TheVoice of theCbarnier 
On the Brink of a 



The Days of his Vanity. 

By OWEN HALL. 
The Track of a" Storm. Jetsam. 

By COSMO HAMILTON. 
The Glamour of the Impossible. 
Through?. Keyhole. 

By THOMAS HARDY. 
Under the Greenwood Tree. 

By BRET HARTE. 



A Waif of the Plains. 
A Ward of the Golden 
Gate. [Springs. 

A Sappho of Green 
Col. Starbottle's Client. 
Susy. | Sally Dows. 
Bell-Ringer of Angel's. 
Tales of Trail and Town 

By JULIAN 

Garth. I Dust. 
ElUce Quentin. 
Sebastian Strome. 
Fortune's Fool. 

By 
By 



of Jack 



[cfilsioiV 
Ex- 



A Protegee 

Hamlin's. 
Clarence. 
Barker's Luck 
Devil's Ford. 
The Crusade of the 
Three Partners. 
Gabriel Conroy. 

HAWTHORNE. 

i Beatrix Randolph. 
David Poindextsr s Dis- 
appearance. 
Spectre of Carcera. 
Sir A. HELPS. Ivan deEiron. 
1. HENDERSON. Agatha Page. 



A. HENTY. 

The Queen's Cup. 



By G. 

Rnjub the Juggler. 

Dorothy 3 Double. | 

By JOHN HILL. The Common Ancestor. 

By T1GHE HOPKINS. 

'Twixt Love and Duty. | Nugents of Carriconna. 

The Incomplete Adventurer. 

By VICTOR HUGO. 

The Outlaw of Iceland. 

By Mrs. HUNGERFORD. 



Lady Verner's Flight. 
The Red-House Mystery 
The Three Graces. 
Professor's Experiment. 
A Point of Conscience. 



The Coming cf Chios. 

Nora Creiria. 

An Anxious Moment. 

April's Lady. 

Peter s Wife. ! Lovico. 



By Mrs. ALFRED HUNT. 

The Leaden Casket. 



Self-Condemned. 
Mrs. Juliet. 

HYNE. 



That Other Person. 

By C. J. CUTCLIFFE 
Honour of Thieves. 

By R. ASHE KING. 
A Drawn Game. 

By GEORGE LAMBERT. 
The President of Boravia. 

By EDMOND LEPELLETIER. 
Madame Sans-Gene. 

By ADAM LILBURN. 
A Tragedy in Marble. 

By HARRY LINDSAY. 
Rhoda Roberts. I The Jacobite. 

By HENRY W. LUCY. -Gideon Pleyce. 
By E. LYNN LINTON. 



Patricia Kemball. 
Under which Lord? 
' My Love I ' | lone. 
Paston Carew. 
Sowing the Wind. 
With a Silken Thread. 
The World Well Lost. 

By JUSTIN 
A Fair Saxon. 
Linley Rochford. 
Dear Lady Disdain. 
Camiola 

Waterdale Neighbours. 
Ky Enemy's Daughter. 
Mies Misantlu-opa. 

By JUSTIN H 
A London Legend. 



The Atonement of Learn 

Dundas. 

The One Too Many. 
Dulcie Everton 
Rebel of the Family. 
An Octave of Friends 

MCCARTHY. 

Donna Quixote. 

Maid cf Athens. 

The Comet of a Season. 

The Dictator. 

Red Diamonds. 

The Riddle King. 

The Three Disgraces. 

. MCCARTHY. 

The Royal Christopher. 



By L. T. 

A Soldier of Fortune. 

In an Iron Grip. 

Dr. Rums'ey's Patient. Chasni. 

By LEONARD MERRICK. 

This Stage of Fools. | Cynthia. 

By BERTRAM MITFORD. 



The King's Assegai. 
Rensh. Fanning'sQuest. 



The Gun-Runner. 
LuckofGerardRidgeley. 

By J. E. MUDDOCK. 

Maid Marian and Robin Hood. | Golden Ii'.o!. 
Basile the Jester. | Young Lochinvar. 

By D. CHRISTIE MURRAY. 



A Life's Atonement. 

Joseph's Coat. 

Coals of Fire. 

Old Blazer's Hero. 

Val Strange. | Hearts. 

A Model Father. 

By the Gate of the Sea. 

A Bit of Human Nature. 

First Person Singular. 

Cynic Fortune. 

By MURRAY 
The Bishops' Bible. 
One Traveller Returns. 

By HUME NISBET. 
' Bail Up !' " 

By \V. E. NORRIS. 
Saint Ann's. | Billy Bellow. 

Miss Wentworth's Idea. 

By G. OHNET. 
A Weird Gift. | Love's Depths. 

By Mrs. OLIPHANT. 

The Sorceress. 

By OUIDA. 



The Way cf the World. 
BobMartin's Little Girl. 
Time's Revenges. 
A Wasted Crime. 
In Direst Peril. 
Mount Despair. 
A Capful o' Nails. 
Tales in Prose & Verse. 
A Race for Millions. 
This Little World. 
and HERMAN. 
Paul Jones's Als?.s. 



Held in Bondage. 
Strathmore. | Chandos 
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Idalia. [Gage. 

Cecil Cast'emaine s 
Tricotrin. i Puck. 
Folle Farine. 
A Dog of Flanders. 
Pascarel. | Signa. 
Princess Napraxine. 
Two Wooden Shoes. 



In a Winter City. 

Friendship. 

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A Village Commune. 

Bimbi. | Wandi. 

Frescoes. | Othraa.r. 

In Maremma. 

Syrlin. | Guilderoy. 

Santa Barbara. 

Two Offenders. 



Under One Roof. 
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The Talk of the Town. 
Holiday Tasks. 
For Cash Only. 
The Burnt Million. 
The Word and the Will. 
Sunny Stories. 
A Trying Patinnt. 
A Modern Dick Whit- 
tington. 

PAYNE. 



By MARGARET A. PAUL. 

Gentle and Simple. 

By JAMES PAYN. 

Lost Sir Massingberd. 
Less Black than We're 

Painted. 

A Confidential Agent. 
A Grape from a Thorn. 
In Peril and Privation. 
The Mystery of Mir- 
By Proxy. [bridge. 
The Canon's Ward. 
Walter's Word. 
High Spirits. 

By WILL 
Jerry the Dreamer. 

By Mrs. CAMPBELL PRAED. 
Outlaw and Lawmaker. Mrs. Tregaskiss. 
Ciiristina Chard. Nu'ma. 

By E. C. PRICE. 
Valentina. | Foreigners. I Mrs. Lancaster 's Rival. 

By RICHARD PRYCE. 
Miss Maxwell's Affections. 

By Mrs. J. H. RIDDELL. 
Weird Stories. 

By AMELIE RIVES. 
Barbara Dermg. | Meriel. 

By F. W. ROBINSON. 
The Hands of Justice. I Woman in the D-.rk. 

By HERBERT RUSSELL, 
True Blue. 



CHATTO & WINDUS, Publishers, in St. Martin's Lane, London, W.C. 29 



THE PICCADILLY (3/6) NOVELS continued, 
By CHARLES READE. 

Peg Wofflngton ; and Griffith Gaunt. 

Love Little, Love Long. 
The Double Marriage. 
Foul Play. 

Put Y'rself in His Place 
A Terrible Temptation. 
A Simpleton. 
A Woman-Eater. 
The Jilt. \- others: ories : 
& Good Stories of Man 



Christie Johnstone. 

Hard Cash. 

Cloister & the Hearth. 

Never Too Late to Mend 

The Course of True 
Love Never Did Run 
Smooth ; and Single- 
heart andDoubleface. 

Autobiography of a 
Thief; Jack of all 
Trades ; A Hero and 
a Martyr ; and The 
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and other Animals. 
A Perilous Secret. 
Readiana ; and Bible 
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Round the Galley-Fire. 
In the Middle Watch. 
On the Fo'k'sle Head 
A Voyage to the Cape. 
Book for the Hammock. 
Mysteryof 'Ocean Star' 
Jenny Harlowe. 
An Ocean Tragedy. 
A Tale of Two Tunnels. 
By DORA 
A Country Sweetheart. 
BAYLE 



My Shipmate Louise. 

Alone onWidcWide Spa. 

The Phantom Death. 

Is He the Man 7 

Good Ship 'Mohock.' 

The Convict Ship. 

Heart of Oak. 

The Tale of the Ten. 

The Last Entry. 
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| The Drift of Fate. 

ST. JOHN. 



By 

A Levantine Family. 

By ADELINE SERGEANT. 

Dr. Endicott s Experiment. 

By GEORGE R. S1A1S. 
Once Upon a Christmas Time. 

By HAWLEY SMART. 

Without Love or Licence. The Outsider. 
The Master of Rathkelly. Beatrice & Benedick. 
Long Odds. A Racing Rubber. 

By T. W. SPEIGHT. 

A Minion of the Moon. 



A Secret of the Sea. 
The Grey Monk. 
The Master of Trenance 
The Doom of Siva. 

By ALAN 
A Fellow of Trinity. 
The Junior Dean. 
Master of St. Benedict's 
To his Own Master. 
Gallantry Bower. 



The Secret of Wyvem 
Towers. 

ST. AUBYN. 

In Face of the World. 
Orchard Darner el. 
The Tremlett Diamonds. 
Fortune's Gate. 

I 



By JOHN STAFFORD. Doris and I. 

By R. STEPHENS. The Cruciform Mark. 

By R. A. STERNDALE. 
The Afghan Knife. 

By R. LOUIS STEVENSON. 

The Suicide Club. 

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Proud Maisie. | The Violin-Player. 

By FRANCES E. TROLLOPE. 
f.ike Ships upon Sea. | Mabel's Progress. 
ft.'ine Furness. 



By ANTHONY TROLLOPE. 



The Way we Live Now. 
Frau Frohmann. 
Marion Fay. 

By IVAN TURGENIEFF, 
Stories from Foreign Novelists. 

By MARK TWAIN. 



Scarborough's Family^ 
The Land-Leaguers 



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Mark Twain's Choice 

Works. 
Mark Twain's Library 

of Humour. 

The Innocents Abroad. 
Roughing It ; and The 

Innocents at Home. 
A Tramp Abroad. 
TheAmerican Claimant. 



Tom Sawyer, Detect! ve\,' 
Puddnhead Wilson. 
The Gilded Age. 
Prince and the Pauper. 
Life on the Mississippi. 
The Adventures o~f 

Huckleberry Finn. 
A Yankee at the Court 

of King Arthur. 
Stolen White Elephant. 
1,000,000 Bank-note. 



AdventuresTomSawyer 
Tom Sawyer Abroad. 

By C. C. FRASER-TYTLER. 

Mistress Judith. 

By SARAH TYTLER. 

Buried Diamonds. Mrs Carraichael's God 



The Blackball Ghosts. 
The Macdonald Lass. 
The Witch- Wife. 



desses. | Lady Bell. 
Rachel Langton. 
. Sapphira 
A Honeymoon's Eclipse. 

By ALLEN UPWARD. 

The Queen against Owen | The Prince of Ealkistan: 

By E. A. VIZETELLY. 

The Scorpion : A Romance of Spain. 
By F. WARDEN. Joan, the Curate. 
By CY WARMAN. 

The Express Messenger, 

By WILLIAA1 WESTALL. 

For Honour and Life. > A Queer Raw. 
AWoman Tempted Him Ben Clough. 
Her Two Millions. The Old Factory. 

Two Pinches of Snuff. Red Ryvington. 
Roy of Roy's Court. Ralph Norbrecks Trust. 
Nigel Fortescue. Trusf.-money. 

Birch Dene. Sons of Belial. 

The Phantom City. Strange Crimes. 

By ATHA WESTBURY. 

The Shadow of Hilton Fernbrook. 

By C. J. WILLS. An Easy going Fellow. 

By JOHN STRANGE WINTER. 

Cavalry Life and Regimental Legends. 
A Soldier's Children. 

By MARGARET WYNMAN. 
My Flirtations. 

By E. ZOLA. 
The Fortune of the Rougons. 
The Abbe Mouret's Transgression. 



The Downfall. 
The Dream. Money. 
Dr. Pascal. Lourdes. 
The Fat and the Thin. 
By 



A Nineteenth Century Miracle. 



His Excellency. 
The Dram-Shop. 
Rome. | Paris. 
Fruitfulness. 
Z Z.' 



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Artemus Ward Complete. 

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Carr of Carrlyon. | Confidences. 

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Blind Fate. 
Valerie s Fate. 



A Life Interest. 
Mona's Choice. 
By Woman s Wit. 



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PMlistia. i Babylon. 
Strange Stories. 
For Mainoie's Sake. 
In all Shades. 
The Beckoning Hand. 
The Devil B Die. 
The Tents of Shem. 
The Great Taboo. 



Dumaresq's Daughter. 
Duchess of Powysland. 
Blood Royal. fpie<_e- 
Ivan Greet's Master. 
The Scallywag. 
Tais Mortal Coil. 
At Market Value. 
Under Sealed Orders. 



By E. LESTER ARNOLD. 

Phra the Phoenician. 

BY FRANK BARRETT. 

Fettered for Life. 
Little Lady Linton. 
Between Life & Death. 
Sin of Olga Zassoulich 
Folly Morrison. 
Lieut. Barnabas. 
Honest Davie. 
A Prodigal's Progress. 

By SHELSLEY BEAUCHAMP. 

Grantley Grange . 

By FREDERICK BOYLE. 

Caaip Notes. I Chronicles of No man's 

Ea-nge Life. | Land. 



Found Guilty. 
A Recoiling Vengeance. 
For Love and Honour. 
John Ford, &c. 
Woman of Iron Brace .3 
The Harding Scandal. 
A Missing Witness. 



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The Seamy Side. 
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Th? Ten Years Tenant. 



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Sorts and Condi- The Bell of St. Paul s. 
The Holy Rose. 
Arraorel of Lyonesse. 
S.Katherine s by Tower 
Verbena Camellia Ste- 

phanotis. 
The Ivory Gate. 
The Rebel Queen, 
fipyond the Dreams of 

Avarice. 

The Revolt of Man. 
In Deacon's Orders. 
The City of Refuge. 

B1ERCE. 



ions of Men. 

> Captains Room. 

in a Garden Fair. 

othy Forster. 

:le jack. 

i World Went Very 

"e'lThen. 

Idren of Gibeon. 

T Paulus. 

Fait'i and Freedom. 
Call Her Mine. 
! Master Craftsman. 

By AMBROSE 

the Midst of Life. 

BY BRET HARTE. 



Flip. | Maruja. 

A Phyllis of the Sierras. 
A Waif of the Plains. 
Ward of Golden Gate. 



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jriel Conroy. 
k of Roaring Camp. 
Heiress of Red Dog. 

By ROBERT BUCHANAN. 

vdow of the Sword 
Child of Nature. 
I and the Man. 
Me for Ever. 



cglove Manor. 

s Master of the Mine. 

aan Water. 



The Martyrdom of Ma 

deline. 

The New Abelard. 
The Heir of Linne. 
Woman and the Man. 
Rachel Dene. | Matt. 
Lady Kilpatrick. 



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e Charlatan. 

By HALL CAINE. 

; Shadow of a Crime. The Deemster, 
.on of Eagar. 

By Commander CAA1ERON. 

5 Cruise of the ' Black Prince.' 

By HAYDEN CARRUTH 

1 Adventures of Jones. 

By AUSTIN CLARE. 

the Love of a Lass. 

By Mrs. ARCHER CL1VE. 

il Ferroll. 

y Paul Ferroll Killed his Wife. 

By MACLAREN COBBAN. 

2 Cure of Souls. | The Red Sultan. 

By C. ALLSTON COLLINS. 

-. Bar Sinister. 

y MORT. & FRANCES COLLINS 

jet Anne Page, 
.nsmigration. 
m Midnight to Mid 
ight. 
Fight with Fortune. 

By WILKIE COLLINS. 



Sweet and Twenty. 
The Village Comedy. 
You Play me False. 
Blacksmith and Scholar 
Frances. 



.nadale. | AfterDark. 

Name. 

tonina. 

sil. 

le and Seek. 

e Dead Secret. 

jen of Hearts. 

SB or Mrs. 1 

3 New Magdalen. 

2 Frozen Deep. 

a Law and the Lady 

e Two Destinies. 

e Haunted Hotel. 



My Miscellanies. 
The Woman in White. 
The Moonstone. 
Man and Wife. 
Poor Miss Finch. 
The Fallen Leaves. 
Jezebel's Daughter. 
The Black Robe. 
Heaxt and Science. 
I Say No ! ' 
The Evil Genius. 
Little Novels. 
Legacy of Cain. 
Blind Love. 



Rogue s Life. 

By M. J. COLQUHOUN 

ery Inch a So'dier. 



By C. EGBERT CRADDOCK. 

The Prophet of the Great Smoky Mountains. 

By MATT CRIAl. 

The Adventures of a Fair Rebel. 



By B. AI 

Pretty Miss Neville. 

Diana Barrington. 

'To Let.' 

A Bird of Passage. 

Proper Prid. 

A Family Likeness. 

A Third Person. 

By W. 

Hearts of Gold. 



CROKER. 

Village Tales and Jungle 

Tragedies. 
Two Masters. 
Mr. Jervis. 
The Real Lady Hilda. 
Married cr Single ? 
Interference. 

CYPLES. 



By ALPHONSE DAUDET. 

The Evangelist : or, 1'ort Salvation. 

By ERASMUS DAWSON. 

The Fountain ot Youth. 

By JAA1ES DE MILLE. 

A Castle in Spain. 

By J. LEITH DERWENT. 

Our Lady of Tears. | Circe's Lovers 
By DICK DONOVAN. 
The Man-Hunter. 
Tracked and Taken. 
Caught at Last I 
Wanted ! 
Who Poisoned Hetty 

Duncan ? 

Man irom Manchester. 
A Detective's Triumphs 
Tiie Mystery of Jamaica Terrace. 
The Chronicles of Michael Danevitch. 

By Mrs. ANNIE EDWARDES. 
A Point of Honour. | Archie Lovell. 

By M. BETHAM^EDWARDS. 
Felicia. | Kitty. 

By EDWARD EGGLESTON. 
Rosy. 

By G. A1ANVILLE FENN. 



In the Grip of the Law. 
From Information Re- 
ceived. 

Tracked to Doom. 
Link by Link 
Suspicion Aroused. 
Dark Deeds. 
Riddles Read. 



The New Mistress. 
Witness to the Deed. 



The Tiger Lily 
The White Virgin. 



By PERCY FITZGERALD. 



Bella Donna. 
Never Forgotten. 
Polly. 
Fatal Zero. 



Second Mrs. Tillotson. 
Seventy - five Brooke 

Street. 
The Lady of Bran tome. 



By P. FITZGERALD and others. 

Strange Secrets. 
By ALBANY DE FONBLANQUE. 

Filtliy Lucre. 

By R. 
Olympia. 
One by One. 
A Real Queen. 
Queen Cophetua. 



By HAROLD 

Seth's Brother's Wife. | 



FRANCILLON. 

King or Knave? 

Romances of the Law. 

Ropes of Sand. 

A Dog and his Shadow. 

FREDERIC. 

The Lawton Girl. 



Prefaced by Sir BARTLE FRERE. 

Pandurang Hari. 

By EDWARD GARRETT. 
The Capel Girls. 

By GILBERT GAUL. 
A Strange Manuscript. 

By CHARLES GIBBON. 



Robin Gray. 

Fancy Free. 

For Lack of Gold. 

What will World Say 1 

In Love and Wai'. 

For the King. 

In Pastures Green. 

Qusen of the Meadow. 

A Heart's Problem. 

The Dead Heart. 



In Honour Bound. 
Flower of the Forest 
The Braes of Yarrow. 
The Golden Shaft. 
Of High Degree. 
By Mead and Stream. 
Loving a Dream. 
A Hard Knot. 
Hearts Delight. 
Blood-Money. 



By WILL1AA1 GILBERT. 



Dr. Austin s Guests. 
James Duke. 



The Wizard 
Motintain 



of tha 



By ERNEST GLANVILLE. 

The Lost Heiress. 1 The Fossicker. 

A Pair Colonist. 



CHATTO & WiNDUS, Published, 111 St. Martin's Lane, London, W.C. 



TWO-SHILLING NOVELS continusA. 

By Rev. S. BARING GOULD. 

Red Slider. | Eve. 



GREVJLLE. 

Nikanor. 

GRIFFITH. 



By HENRY 

A Noble Woman. 

By CECIL 

Corinthla Mar.i7.ion. 

By SYDNEY GRUNDY. 
The Days at Ida Vanity. 

By JOHN HABBERTON. 
Brue ton s Bayou. | Country Luck. 

By ANDREW HALLIDAY. 
Every-day Papers. 

By THOMAS HARDY. 
Under the Greenwood Tree. 

By JULIAN HAWTHORNE. 



Garth. 

Etlice Quentin. 

Fortune's Fool. 

Hiss Cadogna. 

Sebastian Strome. 

Dust. 



Beatrix Randolph. 

Love or a Name. 

David Poindexter's Dis- 
appearance. 

The Spectre of the 
Camera. 



By Sir ARTHUR HELPS. 

Ivan de Biron. 

By G. A. HENTY. 
Rujub the Juggler. 

By HENRY HERMAN. 
A Leading Lady. 

By HEADON HILL. 
Zambra the Detective. 

By JOHN HILL. 
Treason Felony. 

By Mrs. CASHEL HOEY. 
The Lover's Creed. 

By Mrs. GEORGE HOOPER. 
The House of Raby. 

By Mrs. HUNGERFORD. 



A Maiden all Forlorn. 

In Durance Vile. 

Marvel. 

A Mental Struggle. 

A Modern Circe. 

April a Lady. 

Peter's Wife. 



Lady Verner's Flight. 
The Red House Mystery 
The Three Graces. 
Unsatisfactory Lover. 
Lady Patty. 
Nora Creina. 
Professor's Experiment. 



By Mrs. ALFRED HUNT. 

Thornicroft's Model. Self Condemned. 
That Other Person. The Leaden Casket. 

By WM. JAMESON. 
My Dead Self. 

By HARRIETT JAY. 
Toe Dark Colleen. | Queen of Connaught. 

By MARK KERSHAW. 
Colonial Facts and Fictions. 

By R. A5HE KING. 



Passion's blave. 
Bell Bairy. 



A Drawn Game. 
' The Wearing of the 
GreeD.' 

By EDMOND LEPELLETIER. 
Madame Sans Gene. 

By JOHN LEYS. 
The Lindsays. 

By E. LYNN LINTON. 



The Atonement of Learn 

Dun das. 

Rebel of the Family. 
Sowing the Wind. 
The One Too Many. 
Dulcie Everton. 



Patricia Kemball. 

The World Well Lost. 

Under which Lord? 

Paston Carew. 

' My Love I ' 

lone. 

With a Silken Thread. 

By HENRY W, LUCY. 

Gideon Fleyce. 

By JUSTIN MCCARTHY. 

Dear Lady Disdain. Donna Quixote. 

Waterdale Neighbours. Maid of Athens. 

My Enemy's Daughter 

A Fair Saxon. 

Linley Rochford. 

Miss Misanthrope 

Camiola. 

By HUGH 



The Comet of a Season. 
The Dictator. 
Red Diamonds. 
The Riddle Eing. 

MACCOLL. 



Mr. Stranger s Scaled Packet. 



By GEORGE MACDONALD. 

Heather and Snow. 

By AGNES MACDONELL. 

Quaker Cousins. 

By KATHARINE S. MACQUOID. 

The Evil Eye. | Lost Kose. 

By W. H. MALLOCK. 

A Romance of the Nine- I The New K.-pub'.ic. 
teenth Century. 

By J. MASTERMAN. 

Half a dozen Daughters. 

By BRANDER MATTHE\Y3. 
A Secret of the Sea. 

By L. T. MEADE. 
A Soldier of Fortune. 

By LEONARD MERRICK. 
The Man who was Good. 

By JEAN MIDDLEMASS. 

Touch and Go. | Mr. Dorillion. 

By Mrs. MOLESWORTH. 

Hathercourt Rectory. 

By J. E. MUDDOCK. 



Stoi-iej Weird and Won- 
derful. 
The Dead Man s Secret. 

By D. CHRISTIE MURRAY. 



From the Bosom of t' 
Deep. 



A Bit of Human Natu 
First Person Sinful* 
Bob Martin's LittleG. 
Time s Revenges. 
A Wasted Crime. 
In Direst Peril. 
Mount Despair. 
A Capful o Nails 



A Model Father. 

Joseph's Coat. 

Coals of Fire. 

Val Strange. | Hearts. 

Old Blazer s Hero. 

The Way of the World. 

Cynic Fortune. 

A Life s Atonement. 

By the Gate of the Sea. 

By MURRAY and HERMAN. 
One Traveller Returns. I The Bishops Bible. 
Paul Jones s Alias. 

By HENRY MURRAY. 
A Game of Bluff. | A Song of Sixpence. 

By HUME NISBET. 
' Bail Up I ' | Dr.BernardSt.Vince: 

By W. E. NORRIS. 
Saint Ann's. | Billy Bellew. 

By ALICE O'HANLON. 
The Unforeseen. | Chance? or Fate ? 

By GEORGES OHNET. 

Dr. Rameau. I A Weird Gift. 

A Last Love. 

By Mrs. OLIPHANT. 

Whiteladies. I The Greatest Heiress 

The Primrose Path. | England. 

By Mrs. ROBERT O'REILLY. 

Phcebe s Fortunes. 



By 

Held in Bondage. 

Strathmore. 

Chandos. 

Idalia. 

Under Two Flags. 

Cecil Castlernaine sGage 

Tricotrin. 

Puck. 

Folle Farine. 

A Dog of Flanders. 

Pascarel. 

Btgna. 

Princess Napraxine. 

In a Winter City. 

Ariadne. 



OUIDA. 

Two Lit. Wooden Sho 
Moths. 
Bimbi. 
Pipistrello. 
A Village Commune. 
Wanda. 
Othmar 
Frescoes. 
In Marerama, 
Guilderoy. 
Ruffino. 
Syrlin. 

Santa Barbara. 
Two Offenders. 
Onida's Wisdom, W 
and Pathos. 

PAUL. 



Friendship. 

By MARGARET AGNES 

Gentle and Simple. 

By EDGAR A. POE. 

The Mystery of Marie Roget. 

By Mrs. CAMPBELL PRAED. 

The Romance of a Station. 

The Soul of Countess Adrian. 

Out'aw and Lawmaker. | Mrs. Trejaakiai. 

Christina Chard. 



2,2 CHATTO & VVINDUS, Publishers, in St. Martin's Lane, London, W.C. 



TWO-SHILLING NOVELS continued. 

By E. C. PRICE. 

, Yalentina. Mrs. Lancaster'sl*val. 

The Foreigner*. Gerald. 

By RICHARD PRYCE. 
' Miss Maxwell's Affections. 

By JAMES PAYN. 
Ben cinck's Tutor, i The Talk of the Town. 



Murphy's Master. 
. A County Family. 

At Her Mercy. 

Cecil s Tryst. 

The Clyffards of Clyfle. 

The Foster Brothers. 

Found Dead. 

The Best of Husbands. 

Walter's Word. 

Halves. 

Fallen For tunes. 
-Humorous Stories, 
-200 Reward. 

A Marine Residence. 
' Mirk Abbey 
. 'By Proxy. 

UuderOce Roof. 

High Spirits, 

Carlyon's Year. 

From Exile. 

Tor Cash Only. 

Kit. 

The Canon's Ward. 



Holiday Tasks. 
A Perfeot Treasure. 
What He Cost Her. 
A Confidential Agent. 
Glow-worm Tales. 
The Burnt Million. 
Sunny Stories. 
Lost Sir Massmgberd. 
A Woman's Vengeance. 
The Family Scapegrace. 
Gwendoline's Harvest. 
Like Father. Like Son. 
Married Beneath Him. 
Not Wooed, but Won. 
Less Black than We're 

Painted. 

Some Private Views. 
A Grape from a Thorn. 
The Mystery of Mir- 

bridge. 

The Word and the Will. 
A Prince of the Blood. 
A Trying Patient. 



By CHARLES READE. 



! It is Never Too Late to 

Mend. 

. Christie Johnstone. 
r The Double Marriage. 
Put Yourself in His 

Place 
Love Me Little, Love 

Me Long. 
The Cloister and the 

Hearth. 

The Course of True 
Love. 



The Jilt. 

The Autobiography of 
a Thief. 

By Mrs. J. H. RIDDELL, 



A Terrible Temptation. 

Foul Play. 

The Wandering Heir. 

Hard Cash. 

Singleheart and Double- 
face. 

Good Stories of Man and 
other Animals. 

Peg Wofiington. 

Griffith Gaunt. 

A Perilous Secret. 

A Simpleton. 

Readiana. 

A Woman-Hater. 



The Uninhabited House. 
The Mystery ia Palace 

Gardens. 
The Nun's Cursa 
Idle Tales. 
RIVES. 



Weird Stories. 
Fairy Water. 
Her Mother s Darling. 
The Prince of Wales's 
Garden Party. 

By AMELIE 
Barbara Dering. 

By F. W. ROBINSON. 
Women ar e Strange. The Woman in the Dark 
The Hands of Justice. 

By JAMES RUNCIMAN. 
Skippers and Shellbacks. | Schools and Scholars. 
Grace Balmaign's Sweetheart. 

By W. CLARK RUSSELL. 
Round the Galley Fire. An Ocean Tragedy. 

My Shipmate Louise. 

Alone onWideWide Sea. 

Good Ship ' Mphcek.' 

The Phantom Death. 

Is He the Man ? 

Heart of Oak. 

The Convict Ship. 

The Tale of the Ten. 

The Las . Entry. 

RUSSELL. 



On the Fo'k'sle Head 

In the Middle Watch. 

A Voyage to the Cape. 

A Book for the Ham- 
mock. 

The Mystery of the 
' Ocsaa Star.' 

The Romance of Jenny 
Harlowe. 

By DORA 



Gaslight 



The Ring o Bells. 
Mary Jane's Memoirs. 
Mary Jane Married. 
Tales of To day. 
Dramas of Lite. 
Tiukletop's Crime. 



AUGUSTUS SALA. 



Back to Life. 

The LoudwaterTragedy. 
Bur/o s Romance. 
i Quittance in Full. 
' A Husband from the Sea 

ST. AUBYN. 
Orchard Damerel. 
In the Face of theWor' J. 
The Trealett Diamoiiai. 



By HAWLEY SMART. 

Without Love or Licence. The Plunger. 
Beatrice and Benedick. Long Oddi. 
The Master of Rathkelly. 

By T. VV. SPEIGHT. 

The Mysteries of Heron 

Dyke. 

The Golden Hoop. 
Hoodwinked. 
By Devious Ways. 

By ALAN 

A Fellow of Trinity. 
The Junior Dean. 
Master of St. Benedict's 
To His Own Master. 

By R. A. STERNDALE. 

The Afghan Knife. 

By R. LOUIS STEVENSON. 

New Arabian Nights. 

By BERTHA THOMAS. 

Cressida. | The Violin-Player. 

By WALTER THORNBURY. 

Talss for the Marines. | Old Stories Retold. 

By T. ADOLPHUS TROLLOPE. 

Diamond Cut Diamond. 

By F. ELEANOR TROLLOPE. 

Like Ships upon the I Anne Furness. 
Sea. I Mabel's Progress. 

By ANTHONY TROLLOPE. 



t Match in the Dark. 



. R. 

Zeph, 

Memoirs of a Landlady. 
Scenes from the Show, i 
The 10 Commandments. 
Dagcnet Abroad. 
Rogues and Vagabonds. 

SKETCHLEY. 



The Land-Leaguers. 
The American Senator. 
Mr. Scarborough* 

Family. 
GoldenLion of Granpei e 



Frau Frohmann. 
Marion Fay. 
Kept in the Dark. 
John Caldigate. 
The Way We Live Now. 

By J. T. TROWBRIDGE. 

Farnell's Folly. 

By IVAN TURGENIEFF, &c. 

Stories from Foreign Novelists. 

By MARK TWAIN. 

A Pleasure Trip on the I Life on the Mississippi. 

ince and the 



The Prince 

Pauper. 
A Yankee at the Court 

of King Arthur. 
The 1,000,000 Bank- 

Note. 



Continent. 
The Gilded Age. 
Huckleberry Finn. 
MarkTwain's Sketches. 
Tom Sawyer. 
A Tramp Abroad. 
Stolen White Elephant. 

By C. C. FRASER=TYTLER. 

Mistress Judith. 

By SARAH 

The Bride's Pass. 
Buried Diamonds. 
St. Muu^o's City. 
Lady Bell. 
Noblesae Oblige. 
Disappeared. 

By ALLEN 
The Queen against Owa i. 



TYTLER. 

The Huguenot Family 
The Blackhall Ghosts. 
What SheCameThrough 
Beauty and the Beast. 
Citoyenne Jaqueline. 



UPWARD. 

Prince of Balkistan. 
' God Save the Queen ! ' 

By AARON WATSON and LILLIAS 
WASSERMANN. 

The Marquis of Carabas. 

By WILLIAM WE STALL. 

Trust-Money. 

By Mrs. F. H. WILLIAMSON. 

A Child Widow. 

By J. S. WINTER. 

Cavalry Life. | Regimental Legenda. 

By H. F. WOOD. 

The Passenger from Scotland Yard. 
Tbe Englishman of the Rus Cain. 

By CELIA PARKER WOOLLEY- 

Rachel Armstrong ; or, I.ove and Theoli-^). 

By EDMUND YATES. 

The Forlorn Here. Castaway. 
By 1. ZANGWILL. 

Ghetto Tragedies. 



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