Petronius

iOO

"CO

f*wy< k."g|

Presented to the

LIBRARIES of the

UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO

by

MARGARET PHILLIPS

THE LOEB CLASSICAL LIBRARY

EDITED BY

E. CAPPS, PH.D.. LL.D. T. E. PAGE, LTTT.D.

W . H. D. ROUSE, UTT.D.

PETRONIUS

SENECA

APOCOLOCYNTOSI8

Pint Printed 1913
B.tprinttd 1016, 1922, 192S

PETROIN^IUS

WITH AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION BY

MICHAEL HESELTINE

SENECA

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

WITH AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION BY

VV. H. D. ROUSE, M.A. LITT. D.

LONDON : WILLIAM HEINEMANN LTD.
NEW YORK: G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS

MCMXXV

Printed in Great Britain by
Woods and Sons, Ltd., London N. i

CONTENTS

PBtronius

Introduction

Page vii

Satyricon

1

Fragments

325

Poems

339

SrNECA

■--

<^IK>colocyntosi«

8Sfi

INTRODUCTION

The author of the Satyricon is identified by the large
majority of scholars with Gaius Petronius/ the cour-
tier of Nero. There is a long tradition in support of
the identification, and the probability that it is cor-
rect appears especially strong in the light of Tacitus's
account of the character and death of Gaius Petronius
in the eighteenth and nineteenth chapters of the six-
teenth book of the Annals. Mr. John Jackson has
translated the passage as follows :

Petronius deserves a word in retrospect. He was
a man who passed his days in sleep, his nights in the
ordinary duties and recreations of life : others had
achieved greatness by the sweat of their brows —
Petronius idled into fame. Unlike most who walk
the road to ruin, he was never regarded as either
debauchee or wastrel, but rather as the finished artist
in extravagance. In both word and action, he dis-
played a freedom and a sort of self-abandonment
which were welcomed as the indiscretions of an un-
sophisticated nature. Yet, in his proconsulship of
Bithynia, and later as consul elect, he showed himself
an energetic and capable administrator. Then came
the revulsion : his genuine or affected vices won him
admittance into the narrow circle of Nero's intimates,
and he became the Arbiter of Elegance, whose sanc-
tion alone divested pleasure of vulgarity and luxury of
grossness.

' He is called Titus Petronius by Plutarch (De Adulatore et
Amico, 27).

iNTRODUCTION

" His success aroused the jealousy of Tigellinus
against a possible rival — a professor of voluptuousness
better equipped than himself. Playing on the emperor's
lust for cruelty, to which all other lusts were secon-
dary, he suborned a slave to turn informer, charged
Petronius with his friendship for Scaevinus, deprived
him of the opportunity of defence, and threw most of
his household into prison.

At that time, it happened, the court had migrated
to Campania ; and Petronius had reached Cumae,
when his detention was ordered. He disdained to
await the lingering issue of hopes and fears : still, he
would not take a brusque farewell of life. An incision
was made in his veins : they were bound up under
his directions, and opened again, while he conversed
with his friends — not on the gravest of themes, nor
in the key of the dying hero. He listened to no dis-
quisitions on the immortality of the soul or the dogmas
of philosophy, but to frivolous song and playful verses.
Some of his slaves tasted of his bounty, others of the
whip. He sat down to dinner, and then drowsed a
little; so that death, if compulsory, should at least be
natural. Even in his will, he broke through the
routine of suicide, and flattered neither Nero nor
Tigellinus nor any other of the mighty : instead, he
described the emperor's enormities ; added a list of
his catamites, his women, and his innovations in las-
civiousness ; then sealed the document, sent it to
Nero, and broke his signet-ring to prevent it from
being used to endanger others."

The reflection arises at once that, given the Satyri-
con, this kind of book postulates this kind of author.
The loose tongue, the levity, and the love of style are
common to both. If books betray their writers

INTRODUCTION

characteristics, Gaius Petronius, as seen by Tacitus,
had the imagination and experience needed to depict
the adventures of Encolpius.

There is a Uttle evidence, still based on the primary
assumption, more exact in its bearing. The Satyricon
contains a detailed criticism of and a poem directed
against the style of a -s^Titer who must be Lucan. Gaius
Petronius was not the man to pass over the poet,
epigrammatist, and courtier, in whose epoch and circle
he himself shone. He may have deplored Lucan's
poetic influence, but he could not neglect it, for Lucan
was essentially the singer of his own day. No age was
so favourable as that of Nero for the introduction into
a supremely scandalous tale of a reasoned and appreci-
ative review of the Pharsalia, the outstanding poem
of the time.

The criticism of the schools of rhetoric in their
effect upon education and language, and the general
style of the book in reflective and descriptive passages,
point more vaguely to a similar date of composition.

Gaius Petronius found in his work a form which
allowed complete expression to the many sides of his
active and uncontrolled intellect. Its loose construc-
tion is matched by its indifference to any but stylistic
reforms ; it draws no moral ; it is solely and properly
occupied in presenting an aspect of things seen by a
loiterer at one particular comer of the world. What
we possess of it is a fragment, or rather a series of
excerpts from the fifteenth and sixteenth books, we
know not how representative of the original whole.

INTRODUCTION

Of this the best-known portion, the description of
Trimalchio's dinner, was hidden from the modern
world until the middle of the seventeenth century,
and was first printed in 1 664:.

It is as difficult to grasp any structural outline in
the Satyricon as it is in Tristram Shandy. Both alter-
nate with flashing rapidity between exhibitions of
pedantry, attacks on pedants, and indecency, in which
Sterne is the more successful because he is the less
obvious.

But Petronius, so far as his plan was not entirely
original, was following as model Varro's Menippean
satires, and had before him the libel of Seneca on
Claudius, the Apocoloq/ntosis. The traditional title of
his work, Satyricon, is derived from the word Satura,
a medley, and means that he was free to pass at will
from subject to subject, and from prose to verse and
back : it is his achievement that the threads of his
story, broken as we hold them, yet show something
of the colour and variety of life itself. We call his
book a novel, and so pay him a compliment which he
alone of Roman writers has earned.

Petronius' s novel shares with life the quality
of moving ceaselessly without knowing why. It
differs from most existences in being very seldom
dull. An anonymous writer of the eighteenth cen-
tury, making Observations on the Greek and Roman
Classics in a Series of Letters to a Young Nobleman,
is of the opinion that: "You will in no Writer, my
dear Lord, meet with so much true delicacy of thought,
in none with purer language." This judgment is

^ See section on the text, codex Traguriensis.
2 Published in London, 1753.

INTRODUCTION

meant for the age of Smollett and Fielding ; but there
is no question of the justice of the later remark:
" You will be charmed with the ease, and you will be
surprised with the variety of his characters."

These characters are one and all the product of
a period in history when the primary aim of the
ripest civilization in the world was money-making.
It was this aim which drew Trimalchio from his un-
known birthplace in Asia Minor to the glitter and
luxury and unnatural passion of a South Italian town.
He differs from the minor personages who crowd his
dining-room only in the enormous success -svith which
he has pUed the arts of prostitution, seduction, flattery
and fraud. The persons in whom the action of the
novel centres, Encolpius,the mouthpiece of the author,
Ascyltos, and Giton, are there by the kindness of
Agamemnon, a parasite teacher of the rhetoric which
ate swiftly into the heart of Latin language and
thought. Giton Hves by his charms, Ascyltos is
hardly more than a foil to Encolpius, a quarrelsome
and lecherous butt.

That part of the novel which deals with Trimal-
chio's dinner introduces a crowd of characters, and
gives the most vivid picture extant in classical litera-
ture of the hfe of the small town. The pulsating
energy of greed is felt in it everj-svhere. Men become
millionaires with American rapiditj', and enjoy that
condition as hazardously in Cumae as in Wall Street.
The shoulders of one who wallows in Trimalchio's
cushions are still sore with carrying firewood for sale ;
another, perhaps the first undertaker who made a
fortune out of extravagant funerals, a gourmet and
spendthrift, sits there composing lies to baffle his
hungry creditors. Trimalchio towers above them by

INTRODUCTION

reason of his more stable fortunes and his colossal
impudence. He can afford to delegate the conduct
of his business, to grow a little negligent, even- — for
his accounts are six months in arrear — to care for the
life of the spirit.

He believes, of course, in astrology; he sings
excerpts out of tune from the last musical play, and
takes phrases from the lips of the comic star whom
Nero delights to honour. He has two^ libraries, one
of Greek, one of Latin books, and mythology courses
through his brain in incorrigible confusion.

His fellow townsmen and guests, whom he insults,
do not aspire to these heights. Dama, Seleucus, and
Phileros are rich merely in the common coin of every-
day talk, in the proverbial wisdom which seems to
gather strength and brightness from being constantly
exchanged. ' A hot drink is as good as an over-
coat"— "Flies have their virtues, we are nothing but
bubbles " — An old love pinches like a crab " — It
is easy when everything goes fair and square." In
these phrases and their like Latin literature speaks
to us for once in the tones we know in England
through Justice Shallow or Joseph Poorgrass. Nearly
all warm themselves with this fatuous talk of riches
and drink and deaths, but one man, GanjTnede, a
shrewd Asiatic immigrant like Trimalchio himself,
blows cold on their sentimentality with his searching
talk of bread-prices in Cumae, rising pitilessly through
drought and the operation of a ring of bakers in
league with officials. He tells us in brilliant phrases
of the starving poor, of the decay of religion, of lost
pride in using good flour. Then Echion, an old-

'The MS says three, and may be right; he is drunk
when he boasts of them.

INTRODUCTION

clothes dealer, overwhelms him with a flood of subur-
ban chatter about games, and children, and chickens,
and the material blessings of education. But Gany-
mede is the sole character in Petronius's novel who
brings to hght the reverse side of Trimalchio's splen-
dour. A system of local government which showers
honours upon vulgarity, and allows Trimalchio his
bath, his improved sanitation, his host of servants, his
house with so many doors that no guest may go in and
out by the same one, is invariably true to type in
leaving poor men to die in the streets. The very
existence of poverty becomes dim for Trimalchio, half
unreal, so that he can jest at Agamemnon for taking
as the theme of a set speech the eternal quarrel of
rich and poor.

Between rich and poor in Cumae the one link is
commerce in vice. Trimalchio finds Fortunata the
chorus-girl standing for sale in the open market, and
calls her up to be the partner of his sterile and un-
meaning prodigality. She has learnt all the painful
lessons of the slums; she will not grace Trimalchio's
table until dinner is over, and she has seen the plate
safely collected from his guests, and the broken meats
apportioned to his slaves ; she knows the sting ot
jealousy, and the solace of intoxication or tears ; nor-
mally she rules him, as Petruchio ruled Katharine, with
loud assertion and tempest of words. The only other
woman present at the dinner. Scintilla, the wife of
Trimalchio's friend Habinnas, a monumental mason,
is more drunken and unseemly, and leaves behind her
a less sharp taste of character.

Trimalchio's dinner breaks up with a false alarm of
fire, and the infamous heroes of the story give Aga-
memnon the slip. Trimalchio vanishes, and with his loss

xiii

INTRODUCTION

the story becomes fragmentary once more, and declines
in interest almost as much as in decency. Its attraction
lies in the verse and criticism put into the mouth of
Eumolpus, a debased poet whom Encolpius meets in
a picture gallery. With him the adventures of the
trio continue. There is a lodging-house brawl, a
voyage where they find themselves in the hands of
old enemies, the ship's captain Lichas, whose wife
Hedyle they appear to have led astray, and Try-
phaena, a peripatetic courtesan who takes the Medi-
terranean coast for her province, and has some unex-
plained claim on Giton's affections. They settle these
disputes only to be involved in a shipwreck and c^st
ashore at Croton, where they grow fat on their pre-
tension to be men of fortune, and disappear from
sight, Encolpius after a disgraceful series of vain
encounters with a woman named Circe, and Eumolpus
after a scene where he bequeaths his body to be eaten
by his heirs.

Coherence almost fails long before the end: the
episode in which Encolpius kills a goose, the sacred
bird of Priapus, gives a hint, but no more, that the
wrath of Priapus was the thread on which the whole
Satyricon was strung. But the life of the later portions
of the novel lies in the critical and poetical fragments
scattered through it. These show Petronius at his
best as a lord of language, a great critic, an intelligent
enthusiast for the traditions of classical poetry and
oratory. The love of style which was stronger in him
even than his interest in manners doubly enriches his
work. It brings ready to his pen the proverbs with
their misleading hints of modernity,^ the debased
syntax and abuse of gender, which fell from common
^ See especially c. 41 to 46, 57 to 59.

INTRODUCTION

lips daily, but is reproduced here alone in its fullness ;*
and side by side with these mirrored vulgarisms the
gravity of the attack on professional rhetoric with
which the novel begins, and the weight of the
teacher's defence, that the parent >vill have education
set to a tune of his own calling ; Eumolpus's brilhant
exposition of the supremacy of the poet's task over
that of the rhetorician or historian ; the curious, violent,
epic fragment by which he upholds his doctrine.

Petronius employed a pause in literarj' invention
and production in assimilating and expressing a view
upon the makers" of poems, prose, pictures, philoso-
phies, and statues, who preceded him, and thereby
deepened his interpretation of contemporary hfe. His
cynicism, his continual backward look at the splen-
dours and severities of earlier art and other morals,
are the inevitable outcome of this self-education.

By far the most genuine and pathetic expressions
>f his weariness are the poems which one is glad to be
able to attribute to him. The best of them speak of
quiet country and seaside, of love deeper than desire
and founded on the durable grace of mind as well as
the loveliness of the flesh, of simplicity and escape
from Court. ^

' See e.g. the notes of Buecheler or Friedlaender on the verbs
apoculamus (c. 62), duxissem (c 57), plovebat (c. 44), percolo-
pabant (c. 44), the nouns agaga (c. 69), babaecalis (c. 37),
bacalusias (c. 41), barcalae (c. 67), burdubasta (c. 45), gingi-
lipho (c. 73), and such expressions as caelus hie (c. 39), malus
Fatus (c. 42), olim olionim (c. 43), nummorum nummos (c. 37),
and the Graecisms safilutus and topanta (c. 37).

^e.g-. c. I to 5, 55,83,88, n8.

^Seee.g. Poems 2, 8, 11, 13-15, and 22; of the love-poems,
25 and 26, but above all 16 and 27, which show (if they can
be by him) a side of Petronius entirely hidden in the Satyricon.

INTRODUCTION

He knew the antidote to the fevered life which
burnt him up. His book is befouled with obscenity,
and, like obscenity itself, is ceasing by degrees to be
part of a gentleman's education. But he will alwa3's
be read as a critic ; he tells admirable stories of were-
wolves and faithless widows;^ he is one of the very
few novelists who can distil common talk to their pur-
pose without destroying its flavour. The translator
dulls his brilliance, and must leave whole pages in the
decent obscurity of Latin : he is fortunate if he adds
a few to those who know something of Petronius
beyond his name and the worst of his reputation.

The thanks of the editors and the translator are
due to Messrs. Weidmann of Berlin, who have gene-
rously placed at their disposal a copj'right text of the
Satyricon, the epoch-making work of the late Pro-
fessor Buecheler.

Mr. H. E. Butler, Professor of Latin in the Uni-
versity of London, is responsible for the selection of
critical notes from Buecheler's editio maior, the Intro-
duction to and text of the poems, and the Biblio-
graphy: the translator is indebted to him and to the
editors for invaluable assistance in attempting to meet
the difficulties which a rendering of Petronius con-
tinues to present.

Michael Heseltine.

'In c.6i through Niceros, in c. 62, through Tiimalchio, and
in cm through Eumolpus (the famous and cosmopolitan
tale of the Widow of Ephesus).

THE TEXT OF PETRONIUS

TTie sources for the text of Petronius fall into three
groups.

(1) The codex Leidensis (Qol) written by Scaliger
and the editions of the de Toumes (Tornaesius) 1575
and Pithou (Pithoeus) 1577. These are our authorities
for the fuller collection of excerpts. This source is
known as L.

(2) A number of MSS. of which codex Bemensis
(357) of the 10th century is typical. This group is
our authority for the abridged collection of excerpts
and is known collectively as O.

(3) The codex Traguriensis (Paris 7989) of the 1 5th
century, which, save for a very few brief excerpts in
L and O, is our sole authority for the cena Trimalchi-
onis. This MS. was discovered in 1650 at Trau in
Dalmatia. It is known as H.

The text was not put on a scientific basis tUl the
appearance of Buecheler's Editio maior in 1 862.

In the Apparatus Criticus the source of the most
important corrections is stated, and followed by the
reading given by Buecheler in his editio minor as the
probable reading of the archetype or as the oldest
reading available. The sources from which the differ-
ent portions of the text are derived are indicated by
the letters in the margin of the text.

THE TEXT OF PETRONIUS

SIGLA

L = codex Scaligeranus, and editions of Tornaesius
and Pithoeus.

O = MSS. containing abridged excerpts of which cod.
Bernensis may be regai'ded as typical.

H = codex Traguriensis, our sole source for the
Cena Trimahhionis.

Note. A great number of minor corrections and
alternative readings are, owing to the demands of
space, omitted from the critical notes.

xviii

w

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Most important Editions : I. Previous to Discovery

OF Cena Trimalchionis.

14.82 Editio Princeps.

Scriptores Panegyrici Latini, containing (l)
Pliny the younger's Panegyricus. (s) Ten
other panegyrics by various authors on diverse
emperors, (s) The Agricola of Tacitus. (4)
Petronii arhitri satyrict fraginenta : quae extant.
Printed by Antonius Zarotus at MUan; the
date is approximate.

1 560 The edition of Johannes Sambucus, who made
use of an old MS. of his owti, and added a
certain amount not previously printed. Ant-
werp (Chr. Plantin).

1375 The edition of Jean de Tournes (Tomaesius)
based (among other sources) on codex Cuiaci-
anus, afterwards used by Scaliger. Lyons
(j. Tomaesius).

1577 The edition of P. Pithou (Pithoeus) based on
three MSS. now lost. Paris (M. Patissonius).

1583 The edition of Ian. Dousa with notes. Leyden
(lo. Paetsius).

1610 The edition of Melchior Goldastus with notes.
Frankfort (lo. Bringerfor I.Th. Schoen wetter).

II. Subsequent to Discovery of Cena Trimalchionis.

i. Editions of Cena.
1664 Petronii Fragmentum Traguriense. Padua (P.

Frambotti).
1664 ANEKAOTON ex Petronii Satirico, with intro-
duction and notes by Jo. Caius Telebomenus
(Jacobus Mentehus). Paris (E. Martin).

zix

BIBLIOGRAPHY

1 665 Petronii Fragmentum with notes by lo. SchefFer.

Upsala (Henr. Curio).

1666 Petronii Fragmentum ed. Th. Reinesius. Leipzig

(Chr. Michael for Sigism. Coerner).

ii. Complete Editions.
1669 The edition of M. Hadrianides. Amsterdam

(J. Blaeu).
1709 The edition of P. Burmann with copious notes.

Utrecht (Guil. van de Water). This is the

last complete commentary.
I862 The editio maior of F. Buecheler. Berlin

(Weidmann).
I862 The editio minor of the same: 4th edition on

which this text is based 1 904 : 5th edition

revised by W. Heraeus 191 !•

iii. Modern Editions of Cena.

1 89 1 Cena Trimalchionis with German notes and trans-
lations by L. Friedlaender. Leipzig (Hirzel).
Second edition 1906.

1902 Cena Trimalchionis with English notes by W. E.
Waters. Boston (B. H. Sanborn).

1905 Cena Trimalchionis with English notes and trans-
lation by W. D. Lowe. Cambridge (Deighton
Bell).

1905 Cena Trimalchionis with English notes and trans-
lation by M. J. Ryan. London (Walter Scott
Publishing Co.).

iv. The Be Hum Civile.
1911 The Bellum Civile of Petronius, with English
notes and translation by Florence T. Baldwin.
New York (Columbia University Press).

BIBLIOGRAPHY

ENGLISH TRANSLATIONS

169^ The Satjr of Petronius by Mr. Burnaby. Lon-
don (S. Briscoe).

1736 The Works of Petronius by Mr. Addison. Lon-
don (j. Watts).

1854 and 1880 Petronius by W. K. Kelly. London
(Bohn and G. Bell & Sons).

1898 Trimalchio's Dinner. H. T. Peck. New York
(Dodd, Mead and Co.).

The Poems attributed to Petronius.
Poetae Latini Minores, vol. 4. Baehrens

(Teubner Series).
Editio minor of Buecheler.

The MSS. of Petronius.
1863 The MSS. of the Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter
described and collated by Charles Beck,
Cambridge MSS. (Riverside Press).
Editio maior of Buecheler.

Criticisms and Appreciations of Petronius.

1856 The Age of Petronius by Charles Beck. Cam-
bridge, Mass. (Metcalf).

1875 L'Opposition sous les Cesars by Gaston Boissier
(Un Roman de moeurs sous Neron). Paris
(Hachette).

1892 Etude sur Petrone by A. Collignon. Paris
(Hachette).

1898 Studies in Frankness by C. Whibley (p. 27).
London (Heinemann).

BIBLIOGRAPHY

1902 P^trone by E. Thomas. Paris (Fontemoing).

1903 Roman Society from Nero to M. Aurelius by

S. Dill (pp. 120-137). London (Macmillan).
1905 Life and Principate of the Emperor Nero by
B. Henderson (pp. 291-4). London (Me-
thuen).

1909 Post- Augustan Poetry by H. E. Butler (p. 125).

Oxford (Clarendon Press).

Bibliography.

1910 The Bibliography of Petronius by S. Gaselee

London (East and Blades).^

Forged Fragments.

In 1 692, fragments, forged by a Frenchman named
Nodot, were printed in the edition published by
Leers, at Rotterdam.

In 1 800 another forgery appeared. The author was
a Spaniard named Joseph Marchena. Fragmentum
Petronii ex bibl. Sti. Gall, gallice vertit ac notis perpetuia
illustravit Lallemandus, S. Tkeologiae Doctor, 1800.

»The present bibliography is based entirelyon this erudite
bibliographical work.

TITUS PETRONJUS ARBITER

TITI PETRONI ARBITRI
SATYRICON

1 LO Num alio genere furiarum declamatores inquietan-
tur, qui clamant: haec vulnera pro libertate publica
excepi ; hunc oculum pro vobis impendi : date mihi du-
cem, qui me ducat ad liberos meos, nam succisi poplites
membra non sustinent ' ? Haec ipsa tolerabilia essent,
si ad eloquentiam ituris viam facerent. Nunc et rerum
tumore et sententiarum vanissimo strepitu hoc tantum
proficiunt, ut cum in forum venerint, putent se in alium
orbem terrarum delatos. Et ideo ego adulescentulos
existimo in scholis stultissimos fieri, quia nihil ex his,
quae in usu habemus, aut audiunt aut vident, sed pira-
tas cum catenis in litore stantes, sed tyrannos edictascri-
bentes, quibus imperent filiis ut patrum suorum capita
praecidant, sed responsa in pestilentiam data, ut vir-
gines tres aut plures immolentur, sed mellitos verbo-
rum globulos et omnia dicta factaque quasi papavere et
sesamo sparsa. Qui inter haec nutriuntur, non magis
2 sapere possunt, quam bene olere, qui in culina habi-
tant. Pace vestra liceat dixisse, primi omnium elo-
quentiam perdidistis. Levibus enim atque inanibus
sonis ludibria quaedam excitando effecistis, ut corpus
orationis enervaretur et caderet. Nondum iuvenes
declamationibus continebantur, cum Sophocles aut
Euripides invenerunt verba quibus deberent loqui.
Nondum umbraticus doctor ingenia deleverat, cum
Pindarus novemque lyrici Homericis versibus canere
2

THE SATYRICON OF
TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Are our rhetoricians tormented by a new tribe of 1
Furies when they cry : These scars I earned in the
struggle for popular rights ; I sacrificed this eye for
you : where is a guiding hand to lead me to my children ?
My knees are hamstrung, and cannot support my
body ' ? Though indeed even these speeches might
be endured if they smoothed the path of aspirants to
oratory. But as it is, the sole result of this bombastic
matter and these loud empty phrases is that a pupil
who steps into a court thinks that he has been
carried into another world. I believe that college
makes complete fools of our young men, because
they see and hear nothing of ordinary life there. It
is pirates standing in chains on the beach, tyrants pen
in hand ordering sons to cut off their fathers' heads,
oracles in time of pestilence demanding the blood of
three virgins or more, honey-balls of phrases, every
word and act besprinkled with poppy-seed and sesame. 2
People who are fed on this diet can no more be sensible
than people who live in the kitchen can be savoury. With
your permission I must tell you the truth, that you
teachers more than anyone have been the ruin of true
eloquence. Your tripping, empty tones stimulate certain
absurd eflFects into being, with the result that the sub-
stance of your speech languishes and dies. In the age
when Sophocles or Euripides found the inevitable word
for their verse, young men were not yet being confined
to set speeches. When Pindar and the nine lyric poets
were too modest to use Hom.er's lines, no cloistered
b2 3

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

timuerunt. Et ne poetas [quidem] ad testimonium
citem, certe neque Platona neque Demosthenen ad
hoc genus exercitationis accessisse video. Grandis et
ut ita dicam pudica oratio non est maculosa nee tur-
gida, sed naturali pulchritudine exsurgit. Nuper ven-
tosa istaec et enormis loquacitas Athenas ex Asia
commigravit animosque iuvenum ad magna surgentes
veluti pestilerti quodam sidere afflavit, semelque
corrupta regula eloquentia^ stetit et obmutuit. Ad
summam, quis postea^ Thucydidis, quis Hyperidis ad
famam processit? Ac ne carmen quidem sani coloris
enituit, sed omnia quasi eodem cibo pasta non potu-
erunt usque ad senectutem canescere. Pictura quoque
non alium exitum fecit^ postquam Aegyptiorum audaci»
tam magnae artis compendiariam invenit."

Non est passus Agamemnon me diutius declamare in
porticu^ quam ipse in schola sudaverat, sed Adule-
scens" inquit quoniam sermonem habes non publici
saporis et, quod rarissimum est, amas bonam mentem,
non fraudabo te arte secreta. Nihil^ nimirum in his ex-
ercitationibus doctores peccant, qui necesse habent cum
insanientibus furere. Nam nisi dixerint quae adulescen-
tuli probent, ut ait Cicero, soli in scholis relinquentur.'
Sicut [fictij* adulatores cum cenas divitum captant,
nihil prius meditantur quam id quod putant gratissi-

' regula eloquent ia Haasius : eloquentiae regfula.
'ad summam quis postea Haasius: qui postea ad sum-
mam.
* nihil added by Buecheler. * ficti bracketed by Bue€heler.

4

SATYRICON

pedant had yet ruined young men's brains. I need
not go to the poets for evidence. I certainly do not
find that Plato or Demosthenes took any course of
training of this kind. Great style, which jf I may say
so, is also modest style, is never blotchy ^d bloated.
It rises supreme by \irtue of its natural beauty. Your
flatulent and formless flow of words is a modem im-
migrant from Asia to Athens. Its breath fell upon
the mind of ambitious youth like the influence of a
baleful planet, and when the old tradition was once
broken, eloquence halted and grew dumb. In a word,
who after this came to equal the splendour of Thucy-
dides or Hyperides? Even poetry did not glow with
the colour of health, but the whole of art, nourished
on one universal diet, lacked the vigour to reach the
grey hairs of old age. The decadence in painting was
the same, as soon as Egyptian charlatans had found a
short cut to this high calling."

Agamemnon^ would not allow me to stand declaim-
ing out in the colonnade longer than he had spent
sweating inside the school. Your talk has an uncommon
flavour, young man,' ' he said, and what is most unusual,
you appreciate good sense. I will not therefore deceive
you by making a mysterj' of my art. The fact is that the
teachers are not to blame for these exhibitions. They
are in a madhouse, and they must gibber. Unless
they speak to the taste of their young masters they
will be left alone in the colleges, as Cicero remarks.*
Like the toadies [of Comedy] cadging after the rich
man's dinners, they think first about what is calculated

' A teacher of rhetoric. Encolpius and Ascyltus were invited
to Trinialchio's dinner as Ag^amemnon's pupils.
* See Pro Caflio, 17, 41.

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

mum auditoribus fore : nee enim aliter impetrabunt

quod petunt,nisi quasdam insidias auribus fecerint: sic

eloquentiae magister, nisi tanquam piscator earn impo-

suerit hamlf eseam, quam scierit appetituros esse pisci-

culos, sine spe praedae morabitur in scopulo. Quid ergo

est? Parentesobiurgationedigni sunt, qui noluntliberos

suos severa lege proficere. Primum enim sic ut omnia,

spes quoque suas ambitioni donant. Deinde cum ad

vota properant, cruda adhuc studia in forum pellunt

et eloquentiam, qua nihil esse maius confitentur,

pueris induunt adhuc nascentibus. Quod si paterentur

laborum gradus fieri, ut studiosi iuvenes lectione

severa irrigarentur, ut sapientiae praeceptis animos

componerent, ut verba atroci stilo effoderent, ut quod

vellent imitari diu audirent, ut persuaderent^ sibi nihil

esse magnificum, quod pueris placeret : iam ilia grandis

oratio haberet maiestatis suae pondus. Nunc pueri in

scholis ludunt, iuvenes ridentur in foro, et quod utro-

que turpius est, quod quisque perperam didicit, in

senectute confiteri non vult. Sed ne me putes impro-

basse schedium Lucilianae humilitatis, quod sentio, et

ipse carmine effingam:

Artis severae si quis ambit' effectus

mentemque magnis applicat, prius mores

frugalitatis lege poliat exacta.

Nee curet alto regiam trucem vultu

cliensve cenas impotentium captet,

nee perditis addictus obruat vino

' ut persuaderent added by Buetheler.
' ambit margin ed. of Tornaesius : amat.

6

SATY EICON

to please their audience. They will never gain their
object unless they lay traps for the ear. A master of
oratory is like a fisherman ; he must put the particu-
lar bait on his hook which he knows will tempt the
little fish, or he may sit waiting on his rock with no
hope of a catch. Then what is to be done ? It is the
parents who should be attacked for refusing to allow
their children to profit by stern discipline. To begin with
they consecrate even their j'oung hopefuls, like every-
thing else, to ambition. Then if they are in a hurry
for the fulfilment of their vows, they drive the unripe
schoolboy into the law courts, and thrust eloquence,
the noblest of callings, upon children who are still
struggling into the world. If they would allow work
to go on step by step, so that bookish boys were
steeped in diligent reading, their minds formed by
wise sayings, their pens relentless in tracking down
the right word, their ears giving a long hearing to
pieces they wished to imitate, and if they would con-
vince themselves that what took a boy's fancy was never
fine ; then the grand old style of oratory would have its
full force and splendour. As it is, the boy wastes his
time at school, and the young man is a laughing-stock in
the courts. Worse than that, they will not admit when
they are old the errors thej' have once imbibed at school.
But pray do not think that I impugn Lucilius's rhyme*
about modesty. I will myself put my own views in a poem:
If any man seeks for success in stern art and applies
his mind to great tasks, let him first perfect his cha-
racter by the rigid law of frugality. Nor must he
care for the lofty frown of the tyrant's palace, or
scheme for suppers with prodigals like a client, or
drown the fires of his wit with wine in the company
' The allusion is not known.

7

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

mentis calorem, neve plausor in scaenam^
sedeat redemptus histrionis ad rictus.^
Sed sive armigerae rident Tritonidis arces,
seu Lacedaemonio tellus habitata colono
Sirenumve domus, det primos versibus annos
Maeoniumque bibat felici pectore fontem.
Mox et Socratico planus grege mittat habenas
liber et ingentis quatiat Demosthenis arma.
Hinc Romana manus circumftuat et modo Graio
exonerata sono mutet suffusa saporem.
Interdum subdueta foro det pagina cursum
et furtiva^ sonet celeri distincta meatu ;
dein* epulas et bella truci memorata canore
grandiaque indomiti Ciceronis verba minetur.
His animum succinge bonis: sic flumine largo
plenus Pierio defundes pectore verba."
Dum hunc diligentius audio, non notavi mihi Ascylti
fugam. Et dum in hoc dictorum aestu in hortis incedo,
ingens scholasticorum turba in porticum venit, ut appa-
rebat, ab extemporali declamatione nescio cuius, qui
Agamemnonis suasoriam exceperat. Dum ergo iuvenes
sententias rident ordinemque totius dictionis infamant,
opportune subduxi me et cursim Ascylton persequi
coepi. Sed nee viam diligenter tenebam [quia] nee
quod stabulum esset sciebam. Itaque quocunque ie-
ram, eodem revertebar, donee et cursu fatigatus et

' scenam Heinsius : scena.

'■' histrionis ad rictus O. Ribbeck: histrioni addictus,
^furtiva Heinsius: fortuna.
*dein Pithoeus: dent.
8

SATYRICON

of the wicked, or sit before the stage applauding an
actor's grimaces for a price.

But whether the fortress of armoured Tritonis smiles
upon him, or the land where the Spartan farmer lives,
or the home of the Sirens, let him give the years of
youth to poetry, and let his fortunate soul drink of
the Maeonian fount. Later, when he is full of the
learning of the Socratic school, let him loose the reins,
and shake the weapons of mighty Demosthenes like
a free man. Then let the company of Roman ^\Titers
pour about him, and, newly unburdened from the
music of Greece, steep his soul and transform his
taste. Meanwhile, let him withdraw from the courts
and suffer his pages to run free, and in secret make
ringing strains in swift rhythm; then let him proudly
tell tales of feasts, and wars recorded in fierce chant,
and lofty words such as undaunted Cicero uttered.
Gird up thy soul for these noble ends ; so shalt thou
be fully inspired, and shalt pour out words in swelling
torrent from a heart the Muses love."

I was listening to him so carefully that I did not
notice Ascj'ltos slipping away. I was pacing the gar-
dens in the heat of our conversation, when a great
crowd of students came out into the porch, apparently
from some master whose extemporary harangue had
followed Agamemnon's discourse.^ So while the
young men were laughing at his epigrams, and de-
nouncing the tendency of his style as a whole, I
took occasion to steal away and began hurriedly to
look for Ascyltos. But I did not remember the road
accurately, and I did not know where our lodgings
were. So wherever I went, I kept coming back to

'A declamation on a g-iven deliberative theme {suasoria),
which the teacher delivered as an example to his pupils.

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

7 sudore iam madens accedo aniculam quandam, quae
agreste holus vendebat, et ' Rogo" inquam "mater,
numquid scis ubi ego habitem?" delectata est ilia
urbanitate tarn stulta et "Quidni sciam?" inquit, con-
surrexitque et coepit me praecedere. Divinam ego
putabam et . . .

Subinde ut in locum secretiorem venimus, centonem
anus urbana reiecit et Hie" inquit ' debes habitare."
Cum ego negarem me agnoscere domum, video quos-
dam inter titulos nudasque meretrices furtim spatian-
tes. Tarde, immo iam sero intellexi me in fornicem
esse deductum. Execratus itaque aniculae insidias
operui caput et per medium lupanar fugere coepi in
alteram partem, cum ecce in ipso aditu occurrit mihi
aeque lassus ac moriens Ascyltos; putares ab eadem
anicula esse deductum. Itaque ut ridens eum consa-

8 lutavi, quid in loco tarn deformi faceret quaesivi. Su-
dorem ille manibus detersit et Si scires " inquit quae
mihi acciderunt." Quid novi" inquam ego?" at
ille deficiens cum errarem" inquit per totam civi-
tatem nee invenirem, quo loco stabulum reliquissem,
accessit ad me pater familiae et ducem se itineris
humanissime promisit. Per anfractus deinde obscu-
rissimos egressus in hunc locum me perduxit prolatoque

L peculio coepit rogare stuprum. | Iam pro cella mere-
LO trix assem exegerat, | iam ille mihi iniecerat manum,

et nisi valentior fuissem, dedissem poenas" . . .
L I Adeo ubique omnes mihi videbantur satureum

bibisse . . . iunctis viribus molestum contempsimus . . .

9 Quasi per caliginem vidi Gitona in crepidine semitae

10

SATYRICON

the same sp>ot, till I was tired out with walking, and
dripping with sweat. At last I went up to an old 7
woman who was selling countrj- vegetables and said,
" Please, mother, do you happen to know where I
live?" She was charmed with such a polite fool,
"of course I do," she said, and got up and began to
lead the way. I thought her a prophetess . . . . , and
when we had got into an obscure quarter the obliging
old lady pushed back a patchwork curtain and said,
" This should be your house. ' ' I was saying that I did not
remember it,when I noticed some men and naked women
walking cautiously about among placards of price. Too
late, too late I realized that I had been taken into a
bawdj'-house. I cursed the cunning old woman, and
covered my head, and began to run through the brothel
to another part, when just at the entrance Ascyltos met
me, as tired as I was, and half-dead. It looked as though
the same old lady had brought him there. I hailed him
with a laugh, and asked him what he was doing in such
an unpleasant spot. He mopped himself with his hands 8
and said. If you only knew what has happened to me."
"What is it?" I said. Well," he said, on the point
of fainting, I was wandering all over the town with-
out finding where I had left my lodgings, when a
respectable person came up to me and very kindly
offered to direct me. He took me round a number
of dark turnings and brought me out here, and then
began to offer me money and solicit me. A woman
got threepence out of me for a room, and he had al-
ready seized me. The worst would have happened
if I had not been stronger than he." . . .

Every one in the place seemed to be drunk on aphro-
disiacs . . . but our united forces defied our assailant. . . .
I dimly saw Giton standing on the kerb of the road 9

11

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

stantem et in eundem locum me conieci

Cum quaererem numquid nobis in prandium frater
parasset, consedit puer super lectum et manantes lacri-
mas pollice extersit.^ Perturbatus ego habitu fratris,
quid accidisset, quaesivi. Et ille tarde quidem et in-
vitus, sed postquam precibus etiam iracundiam miscui,
Tuus" inquit iste frater seu comes paulo ante in
conductum accucurrit coepitque mihi velle pudorem
LO extorquere. | Cum ego proclamarem, gladium strinxit
et Si Lucretia es' inquit Tarquinium invenisti.'"
L I Quibus ego auditis intentavi in oculos Ascylti manus
et Quid dicis" inquam muliebris patientiae scor-
tum, cuius ne spiritus quidem purus est?" Inhorre-
scere se finxit Ascyltos, mox sublatis fortius manibus
longe maiore nisu clamavit: Non taces " inquit 'gla-
diator obscene, quem de . . . ruina harena dimisit?
Non taces, nocturne percussor, qui ne turn quidem, cum
fortiter faceres, cum pura muliere pugnasti, cuius
eadem ratione in viridario frater fui, qua nunc in
10 deversorio puer est?" Subduxisti te" inquam^ a
praeceptoris colloquio." Quid ego, homo stultissime,
facere debui, cum fame morerer ? An videlicet audirem
sententias, id est vitrea fracta et somniorum interpre-
tamenta ? Multo me turpior es tu hercule, qui ut foris
cenares, poetam laudasti."

Itaque ex turpissima lite in risum diffusi pacatius ad
reliqua secessimus. . . .

Rursus in memoriam revocatus iniuriae Ascylte"
inquam "intellego nobis convenire non posse. Itaque

^ extersit Pithoeus : expressit.
'inquam Pithoeus: inquit.
12

SATYRICON

in the dark, and hurried towards him. ... 1 was asking
my brother whether he had got ready anji:hing for
us to eat, when the boy sat down at the head of the
bed, and began to cry and rub away the tears with
his thumb. My brother's looks made me uneasy, and
I asked what had happened. The boy was unwilling
to tell, but I added threats to entreaties, and at last
he said. That brother or friend of yours ran into our
lodgings a little while ago and began to offer me
violence. I shouted out, and he drew his sword and
said, If j'ou are a Lucretia, you have found your
Tarquin.' "

When I heard this I shook my fist in Ascyltos's
face. What have you to say?" I cried, ' You dirty
fellow whose very breath is unclean?" Ascyltos first
pretended to be shocked, and then made a great show
of fight, and roared out much more loudly : " Hold
your tongue, you filthy prizefighter. You were kicked
out of the ring in disgrace. Be quiet. Jack Stab-in-
the-dark. You never could face a clean woman in
your best days. I was the same kind of brother to
you in the garden, as this boy is now in the lodg-
ings."

You sneaked away from the master's talk," I said. 1 0
Well, you fool, what do you expect? I was perish-
ing of hunger. Was I to go on listening to his views,
all broken bottles and interpretation of dreams ? By
God, you are far worse than I am, flattering a poet to
get asked out to dinner."

Then our sordid quarrelling ended in a shout of
laughter, and we retired afterwards more peaceably
for what remained to be done. . . .

But his insult came into my head again. "Ascyl-
tos," I said, I am sure we cannot agree. We will

13

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

communes sarcinulas partiamur ac paupertatem nos-
tram privatis quaestibus temptemus expellere. Et tu
litteras scis et ego. Ne quaestibus tuis obstem, aliud
aliquid promittam ; alioqui mille causae quotidie nos
collident et per totam urbem rumoribus different."
Non recusavit Ascyltos et "Hodie" inquit "quia tan-
quam scholastici ad cenam promisimus, non perdamus
noctem. Cras autem, quia hoc libet^ et habitationem
mihi prospiciam et aliquem fratrem." "Tardum est"
inquam difFerre quod placet." . . .

Hanc tam praecipitem divisionem libido faciebat;
iamdudum enim amoliri cupiebam custodem molestum,
ut veterem cum GitoHe meo rationera reducerem.^ . . .

1 1 Postquam lustravi oculis totam urbem, in cellulam
redii, osculisque tandem bona fide exactis alligo artis-
simis complexibus puerum fruorque votis usque ad in-
vidiam felicibus. Nee adhuc quidem omnia erant facta,
cum Ascyltos furtim se foribus admovit discussisque
fortissime claustris invenit me cum fratre ludentem.
Risu itaque plausuque cellulam implevit, opertum me
amiculo e vol vit et Quid agebas "inquit frater sanctis-
sime, qui diverti contubernium' facis?" Nee se solum
intra verba continuity sed lorum de pera solvit et me
coepit non perfunctorie verberare, adiectis etiam
petulantibus dictis : Sic dividere cum fratre nolito ". . .

1 2 Veniebamus in forum deficiente iam die, in quo no-
tavimus frequentiam rerum venalium, non quidem pre-
tiosarum sed tamen quarum fidem male ambulantem
obscuritas temporis facillime tegeret. Cum ergo et ipsi
raptum latrocinio pallium detulissemus, uti occasione
opportunissima coepimus atque in quodam angulo

* redvicerem Buecheler : deducerem.

'qui diverti contubernium Buecheler: quid . i . verticon-
tubernium.
14

SATYRICON

divide our luggage, and try to defeat our poverty by
our own earnings. You are a scholar, and so am I.
Besides, I •will promise not to stand in the way of your
success. Otherwise twenty things a day wiU bring
us into opposition, and si)read scandal about us all
over the town." Ascyltos acquiesced, and said. But
as we are engaged to supper to-night Uke a couple of
students, do not let us waste the evening. I shall be
pleased to look out for new lodgings and a new
brother to-morrow?" Waiting for one's pleasures is
weary work," I rephed. . . .

I went sight-seeing all over the town and then 11
came back to the little room. At last I could ask
for kisses openly. I hugged the boy close in mj' arms
and had my fill of a happiness that might be envied.
All was not over when Ascyltos came sneaking up to
the door, shook back the bars by force, and found
me at play with my brother. He filled the room with
laughter and applause, pulled me out of the cloak I
had over me, and said, \Miat are you at, my pure-
minded brother, you that would break up our partner-
ship?" Not content with gibing, he pulled the strap
off his bag, and began to give me a regular flogging,
saying sarcastically as he did so : Don't make this
kind of bargain with your brother." . . .

It was already dusk when we came into the market. 1 2
We saw a quantity of things for sale, of no great
value, though the twihght very easily cast a veU over
their shaky reputations. So for our jjart we stole a
cloak and carried it off, and seized the opportunity of
displaying the extreme edge of it in one comer of

15

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

laciniam extremam concutere, si quern forte emptorem
splendor vestis posset adducere. Nee diu moratus
rusticus quidam familiaris oculis meis cum muliercula
coniite propius accessit ac diligentius considerare pal-
lium coepit. Invicem Ascyltos iniecit contemplationem
super umeros rustici emptoris ac subito exanimatus
conticuit. Ac ne ipse quidem sine aliquo motu ho-
minem conspexi, nam videbatur ille mihi esse, qui
tunicam in solitudine invenerat. Plane is ipse erat. Sed
cum Ascyltos timeret fidera oculorum, ne quid temere
faceret, prius tanquam emptor propius accessit de-
traxitque umeris laciniam et diligentius temptavit. O
13 lusum fortunae mirabilem. Nam adhuc nee suturae^
quidem attulerat rusticus curiosas manus, et^ tanquam
mendici spolium etiam fastidiose venditabat. Ascyltos
postquam depositum esse inviolatum vidit et personam
vendentis contemptam, seduxit me paululum a turba
et "Scis," inquit "frater, rediisse ad nos thesaurum de
quo querebar ? Ilia est tunicula adhuc, ut apparet, in-
tactis aureis plena. Quid ergo facimus, aut quo iure
rem nostram vindicamus?"

Exhilaratus ego non tantum quia praedam videbam,
sed etiam quod fortuna me a turpissima suspicione
dimiserat, negavi circuitu agendum, sed plane iure
civili dimicandum, ut si nollent^ alienam rem domino
reddere, ad interdictum venirent.^

^ tzntavit Burmann: ternuit.

'suturae Pithoeus : futurae awe? furtivae.

^ ei Buecheler : sed.

*nollent Buecheler: nollet.

* venirent Buecheler: veniret. After veniret the MSS. place
the poem quid faciant, etc. {p. i8): it is transposed to its
present position by Buecheler.

16

SATYRICON

the marketj hoping that the bright colour might
attract a purchaser. In a Httle while a countryman,
whom I knew by sight, came up with a girl, and
began to examine the cloak narrowly. Ascyltos in
turn cast a glance at the shoulders of our country
customer,^ and was suddenly struck dumb with astonish-
ment. I could not look upon the man myself without a
stir, for he was the person, I thought, who had found
the shirt in the lonely spot where we lost it. He was
certainly the very man. But as Ascyltos was afraid to
trust his eyes for fear of doing something rash, he first
came up close as if he were a purchaser, and pulled the
shirt off the countryman's shoulders, and then felt it
carefully. By a wonderful stroke of luck the country- 1 S
man had never laid his meddling hands on the seam,
and he was offering the thing for sale with a conde-
scending air as a beggar's leavings. When Ascyltos
saw that our savings were untouched, and what a poor
creature the seller was, he took me a little aside from
the crowd, and said. Do you know, brother, the
treasure I was grumbling at losing has come back to us.
That is the shirt, and I believe it is still full of gold
pieces : they have never been touched. WTiat shall we
do? How shall we assert our legal rights ?"

I was delighted, not only because I saw a chance of
profit, but because fortune had reUeved me of a very
disagreeable suspicion. I was against any roundabout
methods. I thought we should proceed openly by
ci\'il process, and obtain a decision in the courts if
they refused to give up other people's property to
the rightful owners.

'The rustic was carrying a shirt {tunica) hung over his
shoulders.

c 17

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

] 4 Contra Ascyltos leges timebat et"Quis" aiebat"hoc
loco nos novit, aut quis habebit dicentibus fidem?
Mihi plane placet emere, quamvis nostrum sit, quod
agnoscimus, et parvo aere recuperare potius thesaurum,
quam in ambiguam litem descendere :
LO I Quid faciant leges, ubi sola pecunia regnat,

aut ubi paupertas vincere nulla potest?
Ipsi qui Cynica traducunt tempora pera/

non nunquam nummis vendere vera solent.'^
Ergo iudicium nihil est nisi publica merces,

atque eques in causa qui sedet, empta probat."
L I Sed praeter unum dii^ondium/ quo cicer lupinosque
destinaveramus mercari, nihil ad manum erat. Itaque
ne interim praeda discederet, vel minoris pallium ad-
dicere placuit et* pretium maioris compendii leviorem
facere* iacturam. Cum primum ergo explicuimus mer-
cem, mulier operto' capite, quae cum rustico steterat,
inspectis diligentius signis iniecit utramque laciniae
manum magnaque vociferatione "Latrones" [tenere]'
clamavit. Contra nos perturbati, ne videremur nihil
agere, et ipsi scissam et sordidam tenere coepimus
tunicam atque eadem invidia proclamare, nostra esse
spolia quae illi possiderent. Sed nullo genere par erat
causa, [nam]* et cociones^ qui ad clamorem confluxe-
rant, nostram scilicet de more ridebant invidiam, quod
pro ilia parte vindicabant pretiosissimam vestem, pro

* pera Heinsius : cera.

' vendere vera solent cod. Vossianus (verba Z) : verba
Solent emere other MSS.

*dupoiidium sicel lupinosque quibus destinaveramus J/55..*
corrected by Gronovius, Buecheler and an unknown scholar
mentioned by Boschius.

* et Buecheler: ut. * facere Buecheler: faceret.
•operto Wou-wer: ^Y>^\-Ko. "< ^^^^ bracketed by Buecheler.
•cociones qui Salmasius : conciones quae.

18

SATYRICON

But Ascyltos was afraid of the law : Nobody knows 1 4
us in this place," he said, 'and nobody will believe
what we say. I should certainly like to buy the thing,
although it is ours and we know it. It is better to get
back our savings cheaply than to embark upon the
perils of a lawsuit :

' Of what avail are laws where money rules alone,
and the poor suitor can never succeed ? The very men
who mock at the times by carrj'ing the Cynic's scrip
have sometimes been known to betray the truth for a
price. So a lawsuit is nothing more than a public
auction, and the knightly juror who sits listening to
the case gives his vote as he is paid."

But we had nothing in hand except one sixpence,*
with which we had meant to buy pease and lupines.
And so for fear our prize should escape us, we decided
to sell the cloak cheaper than we had intended, and
so to incur a slight loss for a greater gain. We had
just unrolled our piece, when a veiled woman, who was
standing by the countryman, looked carefully at the
marks, and then seized the cloak with both hands,
shouting at the top of her voice. Thieves ! " We were
terrified, but rather than do nothing, we began to tug
at the dirty torn shirt, and cried out with equal bitter-
ness that these people had taken some si>oil that
was ours. But the dispute was in no way even, and the
dealers who were attracted by the noise of course
laughed at our indignation, since one side was laying
claim to an expensive cloak, the other to a set of rags
' Literally, a coin worth 2 asses.
c2 19

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

hac pannuciam ne centonibus quidem bonis dignam.
15 Hinc Ascyltos bene risum discussit, qui silentio facto
Videmus "^ inquit suam cuique rem esse carissimam ;
reddant nobis tunicam nostram et pallium suum reci-
piant." Etsi rustico mulierique placebat permutatio,
advocati tamen iam poenae nocturni, qui volebant
pallium lucri facere, flagitabant uti apud se utraque
deponerenturac posterodiedudex querellam inspiceret.
Neque enim res tantum, quae viderentur in controver-
siam esse, sed longe aliud quaeri, quod in utraque
parte scilicet latrocinii suspicio haberetur. Iam se-
questri placebant, et nescio quis ex cocionibus, calvus,
tuberosissimae frontis^ qui solebat aliquando etiam
causas agere, invaserat pallium exhibiturumque cra-
stino die affirmabat. Ceterum apparebat nihil aliud
quaeri nisi ut semel deposita vestis inter praedones
strangularetur et nos metu criminis non veniremus ad
constitutum.

Idem plane et nos volebamus. Itaque utriusque partis
votum casus adiuvit. Indignatus enim rusticus, quod
nos centonem exhibendum postularemus, misit in
faciem Ascylti tunicam et liberatos querella iussit
pallium deponere, quod solum litem faciebat ....

Et recuperatOj ut putabamus, thesauro in deversorium
praecipites abimus praeclusisque foribus ridere acumen
non minus cocionum quam calumniantium coepimus,
quod nobis ingenti calliditate pecuniam reddidissent.
Nolo quod cupio, statim tenere,
nee victoria mi placet parata . . ,
* v'\c{cm»s J^un^cnuann : videamus.
20

SATYRICON

which would not serve to make a decent patchwork. 1 5
Ascyltos nowcleverlj- stopped their laughter by calling
for silence and saying, " Well, you see, every one has
an affection for his ovm things. If they will give us
our shirt, they shall have their cloak." The country-
man and the woman were satisfied with this exchange,
but by this time some policemen had been called in to
punish us; they wanted to make a profit out of the
cloak, and tried to persuade us to leave the disputed
property with them and let a judge look into our com-
plaints the next day. They urged that besides the
counter-claims to these garments, a far graver question
arose, since each party must lie under suspicion of thiev-
ing. It was suggested that trustees should be appointed,
and one of the traders, a bald man with a spotty fore-
head, who used sometimes to do law work, laid hands
on the cloak and declared that he would produce it
to-morrow. But clearly the object was that the cloak
should be deposited with a pack of thieves and be
seen no more, in the hope that we should not keep
our appointment, for fear of being charged.

It was obvious that our wishes coincided with his, and
chance came to support the wishes of both sides. The
countrj-man lost his temper when we said his rags
must be sho'v^Ti in public, threw the shirt in Ascyltos's
face, and asked us, now that we had no grievance, to
give up the cloak which had raised the whole quarrel. . . .
We thought we had got back our savings. We
hurried away to the inn and shut the door, and
then had a laugh at the wits of our false accusers
and at the dealers too, whose mighty sharpness had
returned our money to us. I never want to grasp
what I desire at once, nor do easy victories deUght
me."

SI

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

l6L0 I Sed ut primum beneficio Gitonis praeparata nos im-
plevimus cena, ostium non satis audaci st: pitu ecso-
nuit impulsum.

Cum et ipsi ergo pallidi rogaremus, quis esset,
"Aperi" inquit lam scies." Dumque loquimur, sera
sua sponte delapsa cecidit reclusaeque subito fores
admiserunt intrantem. Mulier autem erat operto
capite, ilia scilicet quae paulo ante cum rustico stete-
rat, et Me derisisse" inquit vos putabatis? ego sum
ancilla Quartillae, cuius vos sacrum ante cryptam
turbastis. Ecce ipsa venit ad stabulum petitque ut
vobiscum loqui liceat. Nolite perturbari. Nee accusat
errorem vestrum nee punit, immo potius miratur, quis
deus iuvenes tarn urbanos in suam regionem detulerit."
1 7 Tacentibus adhuc nobis et ad neutram partem adsen-
tationem flectentibus intravit ipsa, una comitata vir-
gine, sedensque super torum meum diu flevit. Ac ne
tunc quidem nos ullum adiecimus verbum, sed attoniti
expectavimus lacrimas ad ostentationem doloris para-
tas. Ut ergo tarn ambitiosus detumuit'' imber, retexit
superbum pallio caput et manibus inter se usque ad
articulorum strepitum constrictis Quaenam est"
inquit haec audaciaj aut ubi fabulas etiam anteces-
sura latrocinia didicistis ? misereor mediusfidius vestri ;
neque enim impune quisquam quod non licuit, ad-
spexit. Utique nostra regio tam praesentibus plena
est numinibus, ut facilius possis deum quam hominem
invenire. Ac ne me putetis ultionis causa hue venisse,
aetate magis vestra commoveor quam iniuria mea.
Imprudentes enim, ut adhuc puto, admisistis inex-
piabile scelus. Ipsa quidem ilia nocte vexata tam peri-

' defumuit Buecheler: detonuit.
22

I

SATYRICON

Thanks to Giton, we found supper ready, «nd we 16
were making a hearty meal, when a timid knock
sounded at the door.

We turned pale and asked who it was. Open the
door," said a voice, and you will see." While we
were speaking, the bar slipped and fell of its own
accord, the door suddenly swung open, and let in our
visitor. It was the veiled woman who had stood with
the countryman a little while before. Did you think
you had deceived me?" she said. I am Quartilla's
maid. You intruded upon her devotions before her
secret chapel. Now she has come to your lodgings,
and begs for the favour of a word with you. Do not be
uneasy ; she will not be angrj', or punish you for a
mistake. On the contrary, she wonders how Heaven
conveyed such polite young men to her quarter."
We still said nothing, and showed no approval one 17
way or the other. Then Quartilla herself came in
with one girl by her, sat down on my bed, and cried for
a long while. We did not put in a word even then,
but sat waiting in amazement for the end of this
carefully arranged exhibition of grief. When this very
designing rain had ceased, she drew her proud head
out of her cloak and wrung her hands together till
the joints cracked. "You bold creatures," she said,
where did you learn to outrival the robbers of ro-
mance? Heaven knows I pity you. A man cannot
look upon forbidden things and go free. Indeed the
gods walk abroad so conamonly in our streets that it
is easier to meet a god than a man. Do not suppose
that I have come here to avenge myself. I am more
sorry for your tender years than for my own wrongs.
For I still believe that heedless youth has led you into
deadly sin. I laj- tormenting myself that night and

23

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

culoso inhorrui frigore, ut tertianae etiam impetum
timeam. Et ideo medicinam somnio petii iussaque
sum vos perquirere atque impetum morbi monstrata
subtilitate lenire. Sed de remedio non tam valde
laboro ; maior enim in praecordiis dolor saevit, qui me
usque ad necessitatem mortis deducit, ne scilicet
iuvenili impuisi licentia quod in sacello Priapi vidistis,
vulgetis deorumque consilia proferatis in populum.
Protendo igitur ad genua vestra supinas manus peto-
que et oro, ne nocturnas religiones iocum risumque
faciatis, neve traducere velitis tot annorum secreta,
quae vix mille homines noverunt."

18 Secundum hanc deprecationem lacrimas rursus
effudit gemitibusque largis concussa tota facie ac pe-
ctore torum meum pressit. Ego eodem tempore et
misericordia turbatus et metu, bonum animum habere
eam iussi et de utroque esse securam: nam neque
sacra quemquam vulgaturum, et si quod praeterea
aliud remedium ad tertianam deus illi monstrassetj
adiuvaturos nos divinam providentiam vel periculo
nostro. Hilarior post hanc pollicitationem facta mulier
basiavit me spissius, et ex lacrimis in risum mota
descendentes ab aura capillos meos lenta^ manu
L duxit I et Facio" inquit indutias vobiscum, et a

LO constituta lite dimitto. Quod | si non adnuissetis de
hac medicina quam peto, iam parata erat in crastinura
turba, quae et iniuriam meam vindicaret et dignitatem :

' lenta Bongarsius: tentata.
24

SATYRICON
shivering with such a dreadful chill that I even fear
an attack of tertian ague. So I asked for a remedy in
my dreamSj and was told to find you out and allay the
raging of my disease by the clever plan you would
show me. But I am not so greatly concerned about
a cure ; deep in my heart bums a greater grief, which
drags me down to inevitable death. I am afraid that
youthful indiscretion -will lead you to publish abroad
what you saw in the chapel of Priapus^ and reveal our
holy rites to the mob. So I kneel with folded hands
before you, and beg and pray you not to make a
laughing-stock of our nocturnal worship, not to deride
the immemorial mystery to which less than a thousand
souls hold the key."

She finished her prayer, and again cried bitterly, 18
and buried her face and bosom in my bed, shaken all
over with deep sobs. I was distracted with pity and
terror together. I reassured her, telling her not to
trouble herself about either point. No one would
betray her devotions, and we would risk our lives to
assist the >vill of Heaven, if the gods had showed her
any further cure for her tertian ague. At this promise the
woman grew more cheerful, kissed me again and again
and gently stroked the long hair that fell about my ears,
having passed from crying to laughter. I will sign a
peace with you," she said, and withdraw the suit I have
entered against you. But if you had not promised me the
cure I want, there was a whole regiment ready for to-
morrow to wipe out my wrongs and uphold my honour:

25

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Contemni turpe est, legem donare superbum;

hoc amo, quod possum qua libet ire via.
Nam sane et sapiens contemptus iurgia nectit,
et qui non iugulat, victor abire solet" ....
Complosis deinde manibus in tantum repente risum
efFusa est, ut timeremus. Idem ex altera parte et

19 ancilla fecit, quae prior venerat, idem virguncula, quae
una intraverat. Omnia mimico risu exsonuerant, cum
interim nos, quae tarn repentina esset mutatio ani-
morum facta, ignoraremus ac modo nosmet ipsos modo
mulieres intueremur ....

L I Ideo vetui hodie in hoc deversorio quemquam
mortalium admitti, ut remedium tertianae sine ulla
interpellatione a vobis acciperem." Ut haec dixit
Quartilla, Ascyltos quidem paulisper obstupuit, ego
autem frigidior hieme Gallica factus nullum potui
verbum emittere. Sed ne quid tristius expectarem,
comitatus faciebat. Tres enim erant mulierculae, si
quid vellent conari, infirmissimae, scilicet contra nos,
quibus si nihil aliud, virilis sexus esset. Et praecincti
certe altius eramus. Immo ego sic iam paria compo-
sueram, ut si depugnandum foret, ipse cum Quartilla
consisterem, Ascyltos cum ancilla, Giton cum vir-
gine ....

Tunc vero excidit omnis constantia attonitis, et
mors non dubia miserorum oculos coepit obducere ....

20 Rogo" inquam domina, si quid tristius paras,
celerius confice; neque enim tam magnum facinus
admisimus, ut debeamus torti perire" ....

26

I

SATYRICON

"To be flouted is disgraceful, but to impose
terms is glorious: I rejoice that I can follow
what course I please. For surely even a wise
man will take up a quarrel when he is flouted, while
the man who sheds no blood commonly comes off"
victorious." . . .

Then she clapped her hands and suddenly burst
out laughing so loud that we were frightened. The
maid who had come in first did the same on one side
of us, and also the little girl who had come in with
QuartUla. The whole place rang with farcical laughter, 1 9
while we kept looking first at each other and then at
the women, not understanding how they could have
changed their tune so quickly. . . .

1 forbade any mortal man to enter this inn to-day,
just so that I might get you to cure me of my tertian
ague without interruptions." When Quartilla said this,
Ascyltos was struck dumb for a moment, while I
turned colder than a Swiss winter, and could not
utter a syllable. But the presence of my friends
saved me from my worst fears. They were three
weak women, if they wanted to make any attack on
us. We had at least our manhood in our favour, if
nothing else. And certainly our dress was more fit
for action. Indeed I had already matched our
forces in pairs. If it came to a real fight, I was
to face Quartilla, Ascyltos her maid, Giton the
girl

But then all our resolution yielded to astonishment,
and the darkness of certain death began to fall on our
unhappy eyes. . . .

If you have anything worse in store, madam," I 20
said, be quick with it. We are not such desperate
criminals that we deserve to die by torture." . . .

27

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Ancilla quae Psyche vocabatur, lodiculam in pavi-
mento diligenter extendit ....

SoUicitavit inguina mea mille iam mortibus fri-
gida ....

Operuerat Ascj'ltos pallio caput, admonitus scilicet
periculosum esse alienis intervenire secretis ....

Duas institas ancilla protulit de sinu alteraque pedes
nostros alligavitj altera manus ....

Ascyltos iam deficiente fabularum contextu Quid ?
ego"^inquit non sumdignusquibibam?" Ancillarisu
meo prodita complosit manus et Apposui quidem . . .
adulescens, solus tantum medicamentum ebibisti?"
Itane est?" inquit Quartilla quicquid saturei fuit,
Encolpius ebibit?" ....

Non indecenti risu latera commovit ....
LO I Ac ne Giton quidem ultimo risum tenuit, utique
postquam virguncula cervicem eius invasit et non re-
pugnanti puero innumerabilia oscula dedit ....
21 L I Volebamus miseri exclamare, sed nee in auxilio
erat quisquam, et hinc Psyche acu comatoria cupienti
mihi invocare Quiritum fidem malas pungebat, illinc
puella penicillo, quod et ipsum satureo tinxerat,
Ascylton opprimebat ....

Ultimo cinaedus supervenit myrtea subomatus
gausapa cinguloque succinctus ....

Modo extortis nos clunibus cecidit, modo basiis
olidissimis inquinavit, donee Quartilla balaenaceam
tenens virgam alteque succincta iussit infelicibus dari
missionem ....

'ego Goldast: ergo.
28

h

SATYRICON

The maid, whose name was Psyche, carefully spread
a blanket on the floor. Sollicitavit inguina mea mille
iam mortibus frigida .... Ascyltos had buried his
head in his cloak. I suppose he had warning that it
is dangerous to pry into other people's secrets. . . .

The maid brought two straps out of her dress
and tied our feet with one and our hands with the
other. . . .

The thread of our talk was broken. "^Come," said
Ascyltos, do not I deserve a drink?" The maid was
given away by my laughter at this. She clapped her
hands and said, I put one by you, young man. Did
you drink the whole of the medicine yourself?" 'Did
he really?" said Quartilla, did Encolpius drink up
the whole of our loving-cup?" Her sides shook vriih

delightful laughter Even Giton had to laugh at last,

I mean when the little girl took him by the neck and
showered countless kisses on his unresisting lips. . . .

We wanted to cry out for pain, but there was no 21
one to come to the rescue, and when I tried to cry
Help, all honest citizens ! " Psyche pricked my cheek
with a hair-pin, while the girl threatened Ascyltos
with a wet sponge which she had soaked in an aphro-
disiac. . . .

At last there arrived a low fellow in a fine brown
suit with a waistband. . . .

Modo extortis nos clunibus cecidit, modo basiis
olidissimis inquinavit, donee Quartilla balaenaceam
tenens virgam alteque succincta iussit infelicibus dari
missionem ....

29

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Uterque nostrum religiosissimis iuravit verbis inter
duos periturum esse tam horribile secretum ....

Intraverunt palaestritae complures et nos legitime
perfusos oleo refecerunt. Utcunque ergo lassitudine
abiecta cenatoria repetimus et in proximam cellam
ducti sumus, in qua tres lecti strati erant et reliquus
lautitiarum apparatus splendidissime expositus. lussi
ergo discubuimus, et gustatione mirifica initiati vino
etiam Falerno inundamur. Exeepti etiam pluribus
ferculis cum laberemur in somnum, Itane est?"
inquit Quartilla etiam dormire vobis in mente est,
cum sciatis Priapi genio pervigilium deberi?" . . .
22 Cum Ascyltos gravatus tot malis in somnum labe-
retur, ilia quae iniuria depulsa fuerat ancilla totam
faciem eius fuligine longa perfricuit et non sentientis
labra umerosque sopitionibus^ pinxit. lam ego etiam
tot malis fatigatus minimum veluti gustum hauseram
somni ; idem et tota intra forisque familia fecerat, at-
que alii circa pedes discumbentium sparsi iacebant,
alii parietibus appliciti, quidam in ipso limine coniun-
ctis manebant capitibus; lucernae quoque umore de-
fectae tenue et extremum lumen spargebant : cum duo
Syri expilaturi [lagoenam]^ triclinium intraverunt^
dumque inter argentum avidius rixantur, diductam fre-
gerunt lagoenam. Cecidit etiam mensa cum argento,
et ancillae super torum marcentis excussum forte altius

^ sopitionibus, probably corrupt : sopionibus MSS. of Ca-
tullus ^"j, lo: ropionibus /^f^/^-.
'lagoenam bracketed by Jahn.

30

SATYRICON

We both of us took a solemn oath that the dreadful
secret should die with us. . . .

A number of attendants came in, rubbed us down
with pure oil, and refreshed us. Our fatigue vanished,
we put on evening dress again, and were shown into
the next room, where three couches were laid and a
whole rich dinner-service was finely spread out. We
were asked to sit down, and after beginning with
some wonderful hors d'oeuvres we swam in wine, and
that too Falemian. We followed this with more
courses, and were dropping off to sleep, when Quar-
tilla said, ' Well, how can you think of going to sleep,
when you know that is your duty to devote the whole
night to the genius of Priapus?" . . .

Ascyltos was heavy-eyed with all his troubles, and 22
was falling asleep, when the maid who had been driven
away so rudely rubbed his face over with soot, and
coloured his lips and his neck with vermilion while he
drowsed. By this time I was tired out with adven-
tures too, and had just taken the tiniest taste of sleep.
All the servants, indoors and out, had done the same.
Some lay anyhow by the feet of the guests, some
leaned against the walls, some even stayed in the
doorway with their heads together. The oil in
the lamps had run out, and they gave a thin dying
light. All at once two Syrians came in to rob the
dining-room, and in quarrelling greedily over the plate
pulled a large jug in two and broke it. The table fell
over with the plate, and a cup which happened to fly

31

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

poculum caput tetigit.^ Ad quem ictum exclamavit
ilia pariterque et fures prodidit et partem ebriorum
excitavit. Syri illi qui venerant ad praedam, post-
quam deprehensos se intellexerunt, pai-iter secundum
lectum conciderunt, ut putares hoc convenisse, et
stertere tanquam olim dormientes coeperunt.

lam et tricliniarches experrectus lucernis occidenti-
bus oleum infuderat^ et pueri detersis paulisper oculis
redierant ad ministerium, cum intrans cymbalistria et

23 concrepans aera omnes excitavit. Refectum igitur est
convivium et rursus Quartilla ad bibendum revocavit.
Adiuvit hilaritatem comissantis cymbalistria. , . .

Intrat cinaedus, homo omnium insulsissimus et plane
ilia domo dignus^ qui ut infractis manibus congemuit,
eiusmodi carmina efFudit :

"Hue hue cito' convenite nunc, spatalocinaedi,
Pede tendite, cursum addite, convolate planta
Femoreque^ facili, clune agili et manu procaces,
Molles, veteres, Deliaci manu recisi."
Consumptis versibus suis immundissimo me basio con-
spuit. Mox et super lectum venit atque omni vi
detexit recusantem. Super inguina mea diu mul-
tumque frustra moluit. Profluebant per frontem su-

24 dantis acaciae rivi, et inter rugas malarum tantum erat

cretae, ut putares detectum parietem nimbo laborare.

Non tenui ego diutius lacrimas, sed ad ultimam per-

ductus tristitiam Quaeso" inquam domina, certe

* tetegit Buecheler : fregit.
^ cito added hy Buecheler.
' que added by Buecheler.

32

SATYRICON

some distance hit the head of the maid, who was
loUing over a seat. The knock made her scream, and
this showed up the thieves and woke some of the
drunken party. The Sj'rians who had come to steal
dropped side by side on a sofa, when they reaUzed
that they were being noticed, with the most con\-inc-
ing naturalness, and began to snore like old-established
sleepers.

B}- this time the butler had got up and refilled the
flickering lamps. The boj^s rubbed their eyes for a
few minutes, and then came back to wait. Then a
girl with cymbals came in, and the crash of the brass
aroused everybody. Our evening began afresh, and 23
Quartilla called us back again to our cups. The girl
with the cymbals gave her fresh spirits for the
revel. . . .

Intrat cinaedus, homo omnium insulsissimus et plane
ilia domo dignus, qui ut infractis manibus congemuit,
eiusmodi carmina efl\idit:

Hue hue cito convenite nunc, spatalocinaedi,
Pede tendite, cursum addite, convolate planta
Femoreque^ facili, clune agili et manu procaces,
MoUes, veteres, Deliaci manu recisi."
Consumptis versibus suis immundissimo me basio con-
spuit. Mox et super lectum venit atque omni \i
detexit recusantem. Super inguina mea diu mul-
tumque frustra moluit. Profluebant per frontem Su-
dan tis acaciae rivi, et inter rugas malarum tantum erat 24
cretae, ut putares detectum parietem nimbo laborare.
Non tenui ego diutius lacrimas, sed ad ultimam, per-
ductus tristitiam Quaeso" inquam domina, certe

' cito added by Buecheler.
* que added by Buecheler.

D 33

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

embasicoetan iusseras dari." Complosit ilia tenerius
manus et O" inquit hominem acutum atque urba-
nitatis vernaculae^ fontem. Quid ? tu non intellexeras
cinaedum embasicoetan vocari?" Deinde ut contuber-
nali meo melius suecederet, Per fidem" inquam
vestram, Ascyltos in hoc triclinio solus ferias agit?"
Ita" inquit Quartilla et Ascylto embasicoetas de-
tur." Ab hac voce equum cinaedus mutavit transitu-
que ad comitem meum facto clunibus eum basiisque
LO distrivit. | Stabat inter haec Giton et risu dissolvebat
ilia sua. Itaque conspicata eum Quartilla, cuius esset
puer, diligentissima sciscitatione quaesivit. Cum ego
fratrem meum esse dixissem, Quare ergo " inquit me
non basiavit?" Vocatumque ad se in osculum appli-
cuit. Mox manum etiam demisit in sinum et per-
trectato vasculo tam rudi Haec" inquit belle eras
in promulside libidinis nostrae militabit; hodie enim
post asellum diaria non sumo."
25 Cum haec diceret, ad aurem eius Psyche ridens
accessit, et cum dixisset nescio quid, Ita^ ita" inquit
Quartilla bene admonuisti. Cur non, quia bellissima
occasio est, devirginatur Pannychis nostra?" Con-
tinuoque producta est puella satis bella et quae non
plus quam septem annos habere videbatur, [et] ea ipsa
qua« primum cum Quartilla in cellam venerat nostram.
Plaudentibus ergo universis et postulantibus nuptias
[fecerunt]^ obstupui ego et nee Gitona, verecundissi-
mum puerum, sufficere huic petulantiae affirmavij nee
* vernaculae Scioppius: vcrniilae.
' fecerunt bracketed by Mornmsen,

S4

SATYRICON

embasicoetan iusseras dari." Complosit ilia tenerius
manus et O" inquit hominem acutum atque urba-
nitatis vernaculae fontem. Quid? tu non intellexeras
cinaedum embasicoetan vocari?" Deinde ut contuber-
nali raeo melius succederet. Per fidem" inquam
vestram, Ascyltos in hoc triclinio solus ferias agit?"
Ita" inquit Quartilla et Ascylto embasicoetas de-
tur." Ab hac voce equum cinaedus mutavit transitu-
que ad comitem meum facto clunibus eum basiisque
distrivit. | Stabat inter haec Giton et risu dissolvebat LO
ilia sua. Itaque conspicata eum Quartilla, cuius esset
puer, diligentissima sciscitatione quaesiWt. Cum ego
fratrem meum esse dixissem, Quare ergo " inquit me
non basiavit?" Vocatumque ad se in osculum appli-
cuit. Mox manum etiam demisit in sinum et per-
trectato vasculo tam rudi Haec" inquit 'belle eras
in promulside libidinis nostrae militabit: hodie enim
post asellum diaria non sumo."

Cum haec diceret, ad aurem eius Psyche ridens 23
accessit, et cum dixisset nescio quid, Ita, ita" inquit
Quartilla bene admonuisti. Cur non, quia bellissima
occasio est, de\lrginatur Pannychis nostra?" Con-
tinuoque producta est puella satis bella et quae non
plus quam septem annos habere videbatur, [et] ea ipsa
quae primum cum Quartilla in cellam venerat nostram.
Plaudentibus ergo universis et postulantibus nuptias
[fecerunt] obstupui ego et nee Gitona, verecimdissi-
mum puerum, sufficere huie petulantiae affirmavi, nee
d2 35

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

puellam eius aetatis esse, ut muliebris patientiae le-
gem posset accipere. Ita" inquit Quartilla "minor
est ista quam ego fui, cum primum virum passa sum?
lunonem meam iratam habeam, si unquam me memi-
nerim virginem fuisse. Nam et infans cum paribus
inclinata sum, et subinde procedentibus ^ annis maio-
ribus me pueris applicui, donee ad hanc aetatem per-
veni. Hinc etiam puto proverbium natum illud, ut
dicatur posse taurum tollere, qui vitulum sustulerit."
Igitur ne maiorem iniuriam in secreto frater acciperet,
26 consurrexi ad officium nuptiale. lam Psyche puellae
caput involverat flammeo, iam embasicoetas praefere-
bat facem, iam ebriae mulieres longum agmen plau-
dentes fecerant thalamumque incesta exornaverant
veste, cum^ Quartilla quoque iocantium libidine ac-
censa et ipsa surrexit correptumque Gitona in cubieu-
lum traxit.

Sine dubio non repugnaverat puer, ac ne puella
quidem tristis expaverat nuptiarum nomen. Itaque
cum inclusi iacerent, consedimus ante limen thalami,
et in primis Quartilla per rimam improbe diductam
applicuerat oculum curiosum lusumque puerilem libi-
dinosa speculabatur diligentia. Me quoque ad idem
spectaculum lenta manu traxit, et quia considerantium
cohaeserant* vultus, quicquid a spectaculo vacabat,
commovebat obiter labra et me tanquam furtivis sub-
inde osculis verberabat. . . .

' inclinata Buecheler: inquinata.

^procedentibus Burmann on authority of '^ Old MS.":
prodeuntibus.

* cum Buecheler: turn.

* cohaeserant Buecheler: haeserant.

36

SATYRICON

puellara eius aetatis esse, ut muliebris patientiae le-
gem posset accipere. Ita" inquit Quartilla minor
est ista quam ego fui, cum primum virmn passa sum ?
lunonem meam iratam habeam, si unquam me memi-
nerim virginem fuisse. Nam et infans cum paribus
inclinata^ sum, et subinde procedentibus" annis maio-
ribus me pueris applicui, donee ad hanc aetatem per-
veni. Hine etiam puto proverbium natum illud, ut
dicatur posse taurum tollere, qui vitulum sustulerit."
Igitur ne maiorem iniuriam in secreto frater aceiperet,
consurrexi ad officium nuptiale. lam Psyche puellae 26
caput involverat flamraeo, iam embasicoetas praefere-
bat facem, iam ebriae mulieres longum agmen plau-
dentes fecerant thalamumque incesta exomaverant
veste, cum^ Quartilla quoque iocantium libidine ac-
censa et ipsa surrexit correptumque Gitona in cubicu-
lum traxit.

Sine dubio non repugnaverat puer, ac ne puella
quidem tristis expaverat nuptiarum nomen. Itaque
cum inclusi iacerent, consedimus ante limen thalamic
et in primis Quartilla per rimam improbe diductam
applicuerat oculum curiosum lusumque puerilem libi-
dinosa speculabatur diligentia. Me quoque ad idem
spectaculum lenta manu traxit, et quia considerantium
cohaeserant* vultus, quicquid a spectaculo vacabat,
commovebat obiter labra et me tanquam furtivis sub-
inde osculis verberabat. . . .

S7

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

L I Abiecti in lectis sine metu reliquam exegimus

noctem. . . .
H I Venerat iam tertius dies, id est expectatio liberae
cenae, sed tot vulneribus confossis fuga magis placebat,
quam quies. Itaque cum maesti deliberaremus,
quonam genere praesentem evitaremus procellam,
unus servus Agamemnonis interpellavit trepidantes
et Quid? vos" inquit nescitis, hodie apud quem
fiat? TrimalchiOj lautissimus homo, horologium in
triclinio et bucinatorem habet subornatum, ut subinde
sciat, quantum de vita perdiderit." Amicimur ergo
diligenter obliti omnium malorum, et Gitona libentis-
sime servile officium tuentem usque hoe iubemus in

27 balnea^ sequi. Nos interim vestiti errare coepimus . . .
immo iocari magis et circuhs [ludentem]^ accedere,

HL cum subito | videmus senem calvum, tunica vestitum
russea, inter pueros capillatos ludentem pila. Nee
tarn pueri nos, quamquam erat operae pretium, ad
spectaculum duxerant, quam ipse pater familiae, qui
soleatus pila prasina exercebatur. Nee amplius earn
repetebat quae terram contigerat, sed follem plenum
habebat servus sufficiebatque ludentibus. Notavimus
etiam res novas. Nam duo spadones in diversa parte
circuli stabant, quorum alter matellam tenebat argen-
team, alter numerabat pilas, non quidem eas quae inter
manus lusu expellente vibrabant, sed eas quae in
terram decidebant. Cum has ergo miraremur lautitias,
H I accurrit Menelaus et Hie est" inquit apud quem
cubitum ponetis, et quidem ^ iam principium cenae
videtis." Et iam non loquebatur Menelaus cum

^ haAnca. Jahn: balneo.

"^ ludentem bracketed by Buecheler.

' quidem Buecheler : quid.

38

SATYRICON

We threw ourselves into bed and spent the rest of
the night without terrors. . . .

The third day had come. A good dinner was pro-
mised. But we were bruised and sore. Escape was
better even than rest. We were making some melan-
choly plans for avoiding the coming storm, when one of
Agamemnon's servants came up as we stood hesitating,
and said, " Do you not know at whose house it is to-
day? Trimalchio, a very rich man, who has a clock
and a uniformed trumpeter in his dining-room, to keep
telling him how much of his life is lost and gone." We
forgot our troubles and hurried into our clothes, and
told Giton, who till now had been waiting on us very
willingly, to follow us to the baths. We began to 27
take a stroll in evening dress to pass the time, or
rather to joke and mix with the groups of players,
when all at once we saw a bald old man in a reddish
shirt playing at ball with some long-haired boys. It
was not the boys that attracted our notice, though
they deserved it, but the old gentleman, who was in
his house-shoes, busily engaged with a green ball.
He never picked it up if it touched the ground. A
slave stood by with a bagful and supplied them to the
players. We also observed a new feature in the game.
Two eunuchs were standing at different points in the
group. One held a silver Jordan, one counted the
balls, not as they flew from hand to hand in the rigour
of the game, but when they dropped to the ground.
We were amazed at such a display, and then Menelaus^
ran up and said, This is the man who will give you
places at his table : indeed what you see is the over-
ture to his dinner." Menelaus had just finished when

* Agamemnon's assistant, who would take junior classes in
rhetoric. He is called antescholanus, assistant tutor, in c. 8i.

39

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

HL J Trimalchio digitos concrepuit, ad quod signum
matellam spado ludenti subiecit. Exonerata ille
vesica aquam poposcit ad manus, digitosque paululum
adspersos in capite pueri tersit.

28 Longum erat singula excipere. Itaque intra vimus
balneum, et sudore calfacti momento temporis ad
frigidam eximus. lam Trimalchio unguento perfusus
tergebatur, non linteis, sed palliis ex lana mollissima
factis. Tres interim iatraliptae in conspectu eius

// Falernum potabant, | et cum plurimum rixantes
effunderent, Trimalchio hoc suum propinasse dicebat.

HL I Hinc involutus coccina gausapa lecticae impositus est
praecedentibus phaleratis cursoribus quattuor et
chiramaxio, in quo deliciae eius vehebantur, puer
vetulus, lippuSj domino Trimalchione deformior. Cum
ergo auferretur, ad caput eius symphoniacus cum
minimis tibiis accessit et tanquam in aurem aliquid
secreto diceret, toto itinere cantavit.

Sequimur nos admiratione iam saturi et cum

H Agamemnone ad ianuam pervenimus, | in cuius poste

libellus erat cum hac inscriptione fixus : Quisquis

servus sine dominico iussu foras exierit, accipiet plagas

HL centum." | In aditu autem ipso stabat ostiarius
prasinatus, cerasino succinctus cingulo, atque in lance
argentea pisum purgabat. Super limen autem cavea

29 pendebat aurea, in qua pica varia intrantes salutabat.
Ceterum ego dum omnia stupeo, paene resupinatus
crura mea fregi. Ad sinistram enim intrantibus non
longe ab ostiarii cella canis ingens, catena vinctus, in
pariete erat pictus superque quadrata littera scriptum

Cave canem." Et collegae quidem mei riserunt,
ego autem collecto spiritu non destiti totum parietem
persequi. Erat autem venalicium cum titulis pictum,
40

SATYRICON

Trimalchio cracked his fingers. One eimuch came up
at this signal and held the Jordan for him as he played.
He relieved himself and called for a basin, dipped in
his hands and wiped them on a boy's head.

I cannot linger over details. We went into the bath. 28
We stayed till we ran Mith sweat, and then at once
passed through into the cold water. Trimalchio was
now anointed all over and rubbed down, not with towels,
but with blankets of the softest wool. Three masseurs
sat there drinking Falernian wine under his eyes.
They quarrelled and spilt a quantity. Trimalchio said
they were drinking his health. Then he was rolled
up in a scarlet woollen coat and put in a litter. Four
runners decked with medals went before him, and a
hand-cart on which his favourite rode. This was a
wrinkled blear-eyed boj' uglier than his master
Trimalchio. As he was being driven off, a musician
with a tiny pair of pipes arrived, and played the whole
way as though he were whispering secrets in his ear.

We followed, lost in wonder, and came with Aga-
memnon to the door. A notice was fastened on the
doorpost: no slave ro go out of doors except by

THE master's orders. PENALTY, ONE HUNDRED STRIPES."

Just at the entrance stood a porter in green clothes,
with a cherr5'-coloured belt, shelling peas in a silver
dish. A golden cage hung in the doorway, and a
spotted magpie in it greeted visitors. I was gazing 29
at all this, when I nearly fell backwards and broke my
leg. For on the left hand as you went in, not far from
the porter's office, a great dog on a chain was painted
on the wall, and over him was written in large letters
BEWARE OF THE DOG." My fiicnds laughed at me,
but I plucked up courage and went on to examine
the whole wall. It had a picture of a slave-market

41

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
et ipse Trimalchio capillatus caduceum tenebat Miner-
vaque ducente Romam intrabat. Hinc quemadmodum
ratiocinari didicisset, denique dispensator factus esset,
omnia diligenter curiosus plctor cum inscriptione
reddiderat. In deficiente vero iam porticu levatum
mento in tribunal excelsum Mercurius rapiebat.
Praesto erat Fortuna cornu abundanti copiosa et tres
Parcae aurea pensa torquentes. Notavi etiam in porticu
gregem cursorum cum magistro se exercentem. Prae-
terea grande armarium in angulo vidi, in cuius aedicula
erant Lares argentei positi Venerisque signum mar-
moreum et pyxis aurea non pusilla, in quo barbam
ipsius conditam esse dicebant.

Interrogare ergo atriensem coepi, quas in medio
/? picturas haberent. Iliada et Odyssian " inquit | * ac
Laenatis gladiatorium munus. ' ' Non licebat multaciam^
considerare ....
UL SO Nos I iam ad triclinium perveneramus, in cuius parte
prima procurator rationes accipiebat. Et quod prae-
cipue miratus sum, in postibus triclinii fasces erant
cum securibus fixi, quorum unam partem quasi embo-
lum navis aeneum finiebat, in quo erat scriptum : C.

* multaciam corrupt: Buecheler suggests multa iam.
4,2

SATYRICON

on it, with the persons' names. Trimalchio was there
Rdth long hair, holding a Mercury's staff. ^ Minerva
had him by the hand and was leading him into Rome.
Then the painstaking artist had given a faithful picture
of his whole career with explanations: how he had
learned to keep accounts, and how at last he had been
made steward. At the point where the wall-space
gave out. Mercury had taken him by the chin, and was
whirling him up to his high official throne. For-
tune stood by with her floAving horn of plenty, and
the three Fates spinning their golden threads. I also
observed a company of runners practising in the
gallery under a trainer, and in a comer I saw a large
cupboard containing a tiny shrine, wherein were silver
house-gods, and a marble image of Venus, and a large
golden box, where they told me Trimalchio's first
beard was laid up.

I began to ask the porter what pictures they had
in the hall. The lUad and the Odyssey," he said,
and the gladiator's show given by Laenas." I could
not take them all in at once

We now went through to the dining-room. At the 80
entrance the steward sat receiving accounts. I was
particularly astonished to see rods and axes fixed on
the door posts of the dining-room, and one part of
them finished off with a kind of ship's beak,
inscribed :

* Mercur)', as the god of business, was Trimalchio's patron.
It was Mercury who secured Trimalchio's selection to be a
Sevir Augiistalis, an official responsible for duly carrying out
the worship of the Emperor. One of the privileges of the
Sevirs was to sit on a throne.

43

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Pompeio Trimalchioni, seviro Augustali, Cinnamus
dispensator." Sub eodem titulo et lucerna bilychnis
de camera pendebat, et duae tabulae in utroque poste
defixae, quarum altera, si bene memini hoc habebat
inscriptum: III. et pridie kalendas lanuarias C. no-
ster foras cenat/' altera lunae cursuni stellarumque
septem imagines pictas ; et qui dies boni quique in-
commodi essent, distinguente bulla notabantur.
H I His repleti voluptatibus cum conaremur in tricli-
nium intrare, exclamavit unus ex pueris, qui super hoc
officium erat positus, Dextro pede.' Sine dubio
paulisper trepidavimus, ne contra praeceptum aliquis

HL nostrum limen transiret. | Ceterum ut pariter movi-
mus dextros gressus, servus nobis despoliatus procubuit
ad pedes ac rogare coepit, ut se poenae eriperemus:
nee magnum esse peccatum suum, propter quod peri-
clitaretur ; subducta enim sibi vestimenta dispensatoris
in balneo, quae vix fuissent decem sestertiorum.
Rettulimus ergo dextros pedes dispensatoremque in
atrio^ aureos numerantem deprecati sumus, ut servo
remitteret poenam. Superbus ille sustulit vultum et
Non tam iactura me movet" inquit quam negli-
gentia nequissimi servi. Vestimenta mea cubitoria
perdidit, quae mihi natali meo cliens quidam dona-
verat, Tyria sine dubio, sed iam semel lota- Quid
ergo est? Dono vobis eum."

31 Obligati tam grandi beneficio cum intrassemus tri-
' in atrio Buecheler : in precario.
44

SATYRICON

* PRESENTED BY CINNAMUS THE STEWARD TO CAIUS POM-
PEIUS TRIMALCHIO, PRIEST OF THE COLLEGE OF AUGUSTUS."*

Under this inscription a double lamp hung from the
ceiling, and two calendars were fixed on either door-
post, one having this entry, if I remember right : Our
master C. is out to supper on December the 30th and
31st," the other being painted with the moon in her
course, and the likenesses of the seven stars. Lucky
and unlucky days were marked too with distinctive
knobs.

Fed full of these delights, we tried to get into the
dining-room, when one of the slaves, who was en-
trusted with this duty, cried. Right foot first!" For
a moment we were naturally nervous, for fear any of
us had broken the rule in crossing the threshold.
But just as we were all taking a step with the right
foot together, a slave stripped for flogging fell at our
feet, and began to implore us to save him from punish-
ment. It was no great sin which had put him in such
peril; he had lost the steward's clothes in the bath,
and the whole lot were scarcely worth ten sesterces.
So we drew back our right feet, and begged the
steward, who sat counting gold pieces in the hall, to
let the slave off. He looked up haughtily, and said,
It is not the loss I mind so much as the villain's
carelessness. He lost mj- dinner dress, which one of
my clients gave me on my birthday. It was Tj-rian
dve, of course, but it had been washed once already.
Well, well, I make you a present of the fellow."

We were obliged by his august kindness, and when 31

' Rods and axes were the symbols of office of lictors, the
attendants on Roman magfistrates, and the Sevirs had the
right to be attended by lictors. See c. 65.

45

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
clinium, occurrit nobis ille idem servus, pro quo
rogaveramus, et stupeiitibus spississima basia impegit
gratias agens humanitati nostrae. "Ad summam,
statim scietis" ait cui dederitis beneficium. Vinum
dominicuni ministratoris gratia est" . . .

Tandem ergo discubuimus pueris Alexandrinis
aquam in manus nivatam infundentibus aliisque inse-
quentibus ad pedes ac paronychia cum ingenti sub-
tilitate toUentibus. Ac ne in hoc quidem tam molesto
tacebant officio, sed obiter cantabant. Ego experiri
volui, an tota famiHa cantaret, itaque potionem po-
posci. Paratissimus puer non minus me acido cantico
excepit, et quisquis aliquid rogatus erat ut daret . . .
pantomimi chorum, non patris famihae triclinium cre-
deres. AUata est tamen gustatio valde lauta; nam
lam omnes discubuerant praeter ipsum Trimalchionem,
cui locus novo more primus servabatur. Ceterum in
promulsidari asellus erat Corinthius cum bisaccio posi-
tus, qui habebat olivas in altera parte albas, in altera
nigras. Tegebant asellum duae lances, in quarum
marginibus nomen Trimalchionis inscriptum erat et
argenti pondus. Ponticuli etiam ferruminati sustine-
bant glires melle ac papavere sparsos. Fuerunt et
tomacula super craticulam argenteam ferventia posita,
et infra craticulam Syriaca pruna cum granis Punici
mali.
32 In his eramus lautitiis, cum ipse Trimalchio ad
symphoniam allatus est positusque inter cervicalia
minutissima expressit imprudentibus risum. Pallio
enim coccineo adrasum excluserat caput circaque one-
ratas veste cervices laticlaviam immiserat mappam
46

SATYRICON

we were in the dining-roonij the slave for whom we
had pleaded ran up, and to our astonishment rained
kisses on us, and thanked us for our mercy. One
word," he said, you will know in a minute who owes
you a debt of gratitude: The master's wine is in
the butler's gift.'" ....

At last then we sat down, and boys from Alexandria
poured water cooled with snow over our hands.
Others followed and knelt down at our feet, and pro-
ceeded with great skill to pare our hangnails. Even
this unpleasant duty did not silence them, but they kept
singing at their work. I wanted to find out whether
the whole household could sing, so I asked for a drink.
A ready slave repeated my order in a chant not less
shrill. They all did the same if they were asked to
hand anything. It was more like an actor's dance
than a gentleman's dining-room. But some rich and
tasty whets for the appetite were brought on; for
every one had now sat down except Trimalchio, who
had the first place kept for him in the new style. A
donkey in Corinthian bronze stood on the side-board,
with panniers holding olives, white in one side, black
in the other. Two dishes hid the donkey; Trimal-
chio's name and their weight in silver was engraved
on their edges. There were also dormice rolled in
honey and poppy-seed, and supported on little bridges
soldered to the plate. Then there were hot sausages
laid on a silver grill, and under the grill damsons and
seeds of pomegranate.

While we were engaged with these delicacies, Tri- 32
malchio was conducted in to the sound of music, propped
on the tiniest of pillows. A laugh escaped the unwary.
His head was shaven and peered out of a scarlet cloak,
and over the heavy clothes on his neck he had put on a

47

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

fimbriis hinc atque illinc pendentibus. Habebat etiam
in minimo digito sinistrae manus anulum grandem
subauratum, extreme vero articulo digiti sequentis
minorem, ut mihi videbatur, totum aureum, sed plane
ferreis veluti stellis ferruminatum. Et ne has tantum
ostenderet divitias, dextrum nudavit lacertum armilla
aurea cultum et eboreo circulo lamina splendente
33 conexo. Ut deinde pinna argentea denies perfodit,
Amici" inquit nondum milii suave erat in triclinium
venire, sed ne diutius absentivos morae vobis essem,
omnem voluptatem mihi negavi. Permittetis tamen
finiri lusum." Sequebatur puer cum tabula terebin-
thina et crystallinis tesseris, notavique rem omnium
delicatissimam. Pro calculis enim albis ac nigris
aureos argenteosque habebat denarios. Interim dum
ille omnium textorum dicta inter lusum consumit,
gustantibus adhuc nobis repositorium allatum est cum
corbe, in quo gallina erat lignea patentibus in orbem
alls, quales esse solent quae incubant ova. Accessere
continuo duo servi et symphonia strepente scrutari
paleam coeperunt erutaque subinde pavonina ova
divisere convivis. Convertit ad hanc scaenam Trimal-
chio vultum et Amici " ait pavonis ova gallinae iussi
supponi. Et mehercules timeo ne iam concepti sint;
temptemus tamen, si adhuc sorbilia sunt." Accipi-
mus nos cochlearia non minus selibras pendentia ova-
que ex farina pingui figurata pertundimus. Ego
quidem paene proieci partem meam, nam videbatur
mihi iam in pullum coisse. Deinde ut audivi veterem
convivam : Hie nescio quid boni debet esse," perse-
48

SATYRICON

napkin with a broad stripe and fringes hanging from it
all round. On the little finger of his left hand he had an
enormous gilt ring, and on the top joint of the next finger
a smaller ring which appeared to me to be entirely
gold, but was really set all round with iron cut out in
little stars. Not content with this display of wealth,
he bared his right arm, where a golden bracelet shone,
and an ivory bangle clasped with a plate of bright
metal. Then he said, as he picked his teeth with a 38
silver quill. It was not convenient for me to come
to dinner yet, my friends, but I gave up all my own
pleasure ; I did not like to stay away any longer and
keep you waiting. But you will not mind if I finish
my game?" A boy followed him with a table of tere-
binth wood and crystal pieces, and I noticed the
prettiest thing possible. Instead of black and white
counters they used gold and silver coins. Trimalchio
kept passing every kind of remark as he played, and
we were still busy with the hors d'oeuvres, when a tray
was brought in with a basket on it, in which there was
a hen made of wood, spreading out her wings as they
do when they are sitting. The music grew loud: two
slaves at once came up and began to hunt in the straw.
Peahen's eggs were pulled out and handed to the
euests. Trimalchio turned his head to look, and said,
I gave orders, my friends, that peahen's eggs should
be put under a common hen. And upon my oath I
am afraid they are hard-set by now. But we will try
whether they are still fresh enough to suck." We
took our spoons, half-a-pound in weight at least, and
hammered at the eggs, which were balls of fine meaL
I was on the point of throwing away my portion. I
thought a peachick had already formed. But hearing
a practised diner say. What treasure have we here ? "
E 49

lITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

cutus putamen manu pinguissimam ficedulam inveni
piperato vitello circumdatam.
34 lam Trimalchio eadem omnia lusu intermisso popo-
scerat feceratque potestatem clara voce, si quis nostrum
iterum vellet mulsum sumere, cum subito signum
symphonia datur et gustatoria pariter a chore cantante
rapiuntur. Ceterum inter tumultum cum forte par-
opsis excidisset et puer iacentem sustulisset, animad-
vertit Trimalchio colaphisque obiurgari puerum ac
proicere rursus paropsidem iussit. Insecutus est
lecticarius^ argentumque inter rehqua purgamenta
//scopis coepit everrere. | Subinde intraverunt duo
Aethiopes capillati cum pusilUs utribus, quales solent
esse qui harenam in amphitheatro spargunt, vinumque
dedere in manus; aquam enim nemo j)orrexit.

HL I Laudatus propter elegantias dominus Aequum"
inquit Mars amat. Itaque iussi* suam cuique men-
sam assignari. Obiter et putidissimi^ servi minorem
nobis aestum frequentia sua facient."

Statim allatae sunt amphorae vitreae dihgenter
gypsatae, quarum in cervicibus pittacia erant affixa
cum hoc titulo: Falernum Opimianum annorum
centum." Dum titulos perlegimus, complosit Trimal-
chio manus et ' Eheu" inquit 'ergo diutius vivit |
H vinum quam homuncio. Quare tengomenas* faciamus.

HL vita I vinum est. Verum Opimianum praesto. Heri

' supellecticarius Dousa,
^ 'mssi Burmann : hisstt MSS.
^ putidissimi Heinsius : pudissimi or pdissimi.
* tengomenas Buecheler : tang-omenas.
50

SATYRICON

I poked through the shell with my finger, and found
a fat becafico rolled up in spiced yolk of egg.

Trimalchio had now stopped his game, and 34
asked for all the same dishes, and in a loud voice
invited any of us, who wished, to take a second glass
of mead. Suddenly the music gave the sign, and the
light dishes were swept away by a troop of singing
servants. An entree-dish happened to fall in the rush,
and a boy picked it up from the ground. Trimalchio
saw him, and directed that he should be punished by
a box on the ear, and made to throw down the dish
again. A chairman followed and began to sweep out
the silver with a broom among the other rubbish.
Then two long-haired Ethiopians with little wine-
skins, just like the men who scatter sand in an am-
phitheatre, came in and gave us wine to wash our
hands in, for no one offered us water.

We complimented our host on his arrangements.

Mars loves a fair field," said he, 'and so I gave

orders that every one should have a separate table.

In that way these filthy slaves will not make us so

hot by crowding past us."

Just then some glass jars carefully fastened with
gypsum were brought on, with labels tied to their
necks, inscribed, Falemian of Opimius's vintage,
100 years in bottle."^ As we were poring over the
labels Trimalchio clapped his hands and cried, "Ah
me, so wine lives longer than miserable man. So let
us be merry.* Wine is life. I put on real wine of

' Opimjus was consul in 121 B.C.

*The meaningf of the word tengomenas is uncertain.
Attempts have been made to connect it with the Greek
-e'TY""» "to wet,'" because Alcaeus says t^ty* ■wvtvfj.ova.i
'ilvi^f, "wet the lungs with wine."

e2 51

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
non tarn bonum posui, et multo honestiores cenabant."
Potantibus ergo nobis et accuratissime lautitias mi-
rantibus larvam argenteam attulit servus sic aptatam,
ut articuli eius vertebraeque luxatae in omnem partem
flecterentur. Hane cum super mensam semel iterum-
que abiecisset, et catenatio mobilis aliquot figuras ex-
primeret, Trimalchio adiecit:

Eheu nos miseros, quam totus homuncio nil est.
Sic erimus cuncti, postquam nos auferet Orcus.
Ergo vivamus, dum licet esse bene."
S5 Laudationem ferculum est insecutum plane non pro
expectatione magnum; novitas tamen omnium con-
vertit oculos. Rotundum enim repositorium duodecim
habebat signa in orbe disposita, super quae proprium
convenientemque materiae structor imposuerat cibum :
super arietem cicer arietinum^ super taurum bubulae
frustum, super geminos testiculos ac rienes, super can-
crum coronam, super leonem ficum Africanam, super
virginem steriliculam, super libram stateram in cuius
H altera parte scriblita erat, in altera placenta, | super
HL scorpionem pisciculum marinum, | super sagittarium
oclopetam, super capricornum locustam marinam,
super aquarium anserem, super pisces duos mullos.
In medio autem caespes cum herbis excisus favum
sustinebat. Circumferebat Aegyptius puer clibano
argenteo panem. . . .

Atque ipse etiam taeterrima voce de J-*serpiciario
52

SATYRICON

Opimius's year. I produced some inferior stuff yester-
day, and there was a much finer set of people to
dinner." As we drank and admired each luxury in
detail, a slave brought in a silver skeleton, made so that
its limbs and spine could be moved and bent in every
direction. He put it down once or twice on the table
so that the supple joints showed several attitudes, and
Trimalchio said appropriately: Alas for us poor
mortals, all that poor man is is nothing. So we shall
all be, after the world below takes us away. Let us
live then while it goes well with us."

After we had praised this outburst a dish followed, 35
not at all of the size we expected; but its novelty
drew every eye to it There was a round plate with
the twelve signs of the Zodiac set in order, and on
each one the artist had laid some food fit and proper
to the symbol ; over the Ram ram's-head pease, a piece
of beef on the Bull, kidneys over the Twins, over
the Crab a crown, an African fig over the Lion, a
barren sow's paunch over Virgo, over Libra a pair of
scales with a muffin on one side and a cake on the
other, over Scorpio a small sea-fish, over Sagittarius
a bull's-eye,^ over Capricornus a lobster, over Aquarius
a goose, over Pisces two mullets. In the middle lay
a honeycomb on a sod of turf with the green grass on
it. An Egj'ptian boy took bread round in a silver
chafing-dish. . . .

Trimalchio himself too ground out a tune from the

' The meaning is uncertain. The word is probably derived
from oculus, "an eye,'' and petere, "to seek.'' See Lewis
and Short s.v. ocUferius.

53

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

mimo canticum extorsit. Nos ut tristiores ad tam

36 viles accessimus cibos, Suadeo" inquit Trimalchio

cenemus; hoc est ius cenae." Haec ut dixit, ad
symphoniam quattuor tripudiantes procurrerunt su-
perioremque partem repositorii abstulerunt. Quo
facto videmus infra [scilicet in altero ferculo] altilia
et sumina leporemque in medio pinnis subornatum,
ut Pegasus videretur. Notavimus etiam circa angulos
repositorii Marsyas quattuor, ex quorum utriculis
garum piperatum currebat super pisces, qui tanquam
in euripo natabant. Damus omnes plausum a familia
inceptum et res electissimas ridentes aggredimur.
Non minus et Trimalchio eiusmodi. methodio laetus

Carpe" inquit. Processit statim scissor et ad sym-
phoniam gesticulatus ita laceravit obsonium, ut putares
essedarium hydraule cantante pugnare. Ingerebat ni-
hilo minus Trimalchio lentissima voce : Carpe, Carpe."
Ego suspicatus ad aliquam urbanitatem totiens itera^
tam vocem pertinere, non erubui eum qui supra me
accumbebat, hoc ipsum interrogare. At ille, qui
saepius eiusmodi ludos spectaverat, Vides ilium"
inquit qui obsonium carpit : Carpus vocatur. Itaque
quotiescunque dicit Carpe,' eodem verbo et vocat
et imperat."

37 Non potui amplius quicquam gustare, sed con versus
ad eum, ut quam plurima exciperem, longe accersere
fabulas coepi sciscitarique, quae esset mulier ilia, quae
hue atque illuc discurreret. Uxor" inquit Trimal-
chionis, Fortunata appellatur, quae nummos modio

54

SATYRICON

musical comedy " Assafoetida " in a most hideous voice.
We came to such an evil entertainment rather de-
pressed. "Now," said Trimalchio, let us have 36
dinner. This is sauce for the dinner." As he spoke,
four dancers ran up in time with the music and took
off the top part of the dish. Tlien we saw in the
well of it fat fowls and sow's bellies, and in the middle
a hare got up with A\ings to look like Pegasus. Four
figures of Marsyas at the comers of the dish also
caught the eye ; they let a spiced sauce run from their
wine-skins over the fishes, which swam about in a kind
of tide-race. We all took up the clapping which the
slaves started, and attacked these delicacies with hearty
laughter. Trimalchio was delighted -«vith the trick
he had played us, and said. Now, Carver." The man
came up at once, and making flourishes in time with
the music pulled the dish to pieces ; you would liave
said that a gladiator in a chariot was fighting to the
accompaniment of a water-organ. Still Trimalchio kept
on in a soft voice. Oh, Cancer, Carver." I thought this
word over and over again must be part of a joke, and
I made bold to ask the man who sat next me this very
question. He had seen performances of this kind
more often. You see the fellow who is car\ing his
way through the meat? Well, his name is Carver.
So whenever Trimalchio says the word, you have his
name, and he has his orders." ^

I was now unable to eat any more, so I turned to 37
my neighbour to get as much news as possible. I
began to seek for far-fetched stories, and to inquire
who the woman was who kept running about every-
where. She is Trimalchio's wife Fortunata," he said,

' Trimalchio's pan on his servant's name is expressed in
Lowe's translation by "Carver, carve 'er."

55

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
metitur. Et modo, modo quid fuit? Ignoscet mihi
genius tuus, noluisses de manu illius panem accipere.
Nunc, nee quid nee quare, in caelum abiit et Trimal-
chionis topanta^ est. Ad summam, mero meridie si

H dixerit illi tenebras esse, credet. | Ipse nescit quid
habeat, adeo saplutus ^ est ; sed haec lupatria providet
omnia et ubi non putes. Est sicca, sobria, bonorum
consiliorum [tantum auri vides], est tamen malae lin-
guae, pica pulvinaris. Quern amat, amat; quem non
amat, non amat. Ipse Trimalchio fundos habet, qua
milvi volant, nummorum nummos. Argentum in
ostiarii illius cella plus iacet, quam quisquam in for-
tunis habet. Familia vero babae babae,^ non melier-
cules puto decumam partem esse quae dominum suum

88 noverit. Ad summam, quemvis ex istis babaecalis in
rutae folium coniciet. Nee est quod putes ilium quic-
quam emere. Omnia domi nascuntur : lana, credrae,
piper, lacte gallinaceum si quaesieris, invenies. Ad

' Topanta is colloquial for the Greek to, iravra " all."
'^Saplutus is the Greek ^dirXovros '■'■very rich.^'

' Babae babae is an exclamation of surprise. So babaecalis
in the next sentence is a person always agape with wonder,
a lout.
56

SATYRICON

and she counts her money by the bushel. And what
was she a little while ago? You will pardon me if I
say that you would not have taken a piece of bread
from her hand. Now without why or wherefore she
is queen of Heaven, and Trimalehio's all in all. In
fact, if she teUs him that it is dark at high noon, he will
believe it. He is so enormously rich that he does not
know himself what he has ; but this lynx-eyed woman
has a plan for everything, even where you would not
think it. She is temperate, sober, and prudent, but
she has a nasty tongue, and henpecks him on his own
sofa.^ WTiom she likes, she likes; whom she dislikes,
she dislikes. Trimalchio has estates wherever a kite
can fly in a day, is millionaire of millionaires. There is
more plate lying in his steward's room than other
people have in their whole fortunes. And his slaves !
My word ! I really don't believe that one out of ten of
them knows his master by sight. Why, he can knock
any of these joung louts into a nettle-bed" if he chooses. 38
You must not suppose either that he buys anything.
Everything is home-grown : wool, citrons, pepper ; you
can have cock's milk for the asking. Why, his wool

'The phrase means literally "a magpie belonging to a
sofa," and clearly refers to domestic tyranny.

2/n rutae folium coniciet. Literally "will throw into a rue-
leaf." Rutae folium is said by Friedlander to be a proverbial
expression for a small space. He refers to Martial XI, 31.
The phrase occurs again in c. 58.

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

summam, parum illi bona lana nascebatur; arietes a
Tarento emit, et eos culavit in gregem. Mel Atticum
ut domi nasceretur, apes ab Athenis iussit afFerri;
obiter et vemaculae quae sunt, meliusculae a Grae-
culis fient. Ecce intra hos dies seripsit, ut illi ex
India semen boletorum mitteretur. Nam mulam
quidem nullam habet, quae non ex onagro nata sit.
Vides tot culcitras : nulla non aut conchyliatum aut
coccineum tomentum habet. Tanta est animi beati-
tude. Reliquos autem collibertos eius cave contem-
nas. Valde sueossi sunt. Vides ilium qui in imo
imus recumbit: hodie sua octingenta possidet. De
nihilo crevit. Modo solebat coUo suo ligna portare.
Sed quomodo dicunt — ego nihil scio, sed audivi —
quom^ Incuboni pilleum rapuisset, [et] thesaurum in-
venit. Ego nemini invideo, si quid ^ deus dedit. Est
tamen sub alapa et non vult sibi male. Itaque proxime
casam ^ hoc titulo proscripsit : C. Pompeius Diogenes
ex kalendis luliis cenaculum locat ; ipse enim domum
emit.' Quid ille qui libertini loco iacet, quam bene
se habuit. Non impropero illi. Sestertium suum
vidit decies, sed male vacillavit. Non puto ilium

' quom Buecheler : quomodo.
^quid Buecheler : quo.
'casam Buecheler: cum.
58

SATYRICON

was not growing of fine enough quality. He bought
rams from Tarentum and sent them into his flocks
■with a smack behind. He had bees brought from
Athens to give him Attic honey on the premises ; the
Roman-bom bees incidentally vrill be improved by the
Greeks. Within the last few days, I may say, he has
written for a cargo of mushroom spawn from India.
And he has not got a single mule which is not the
child of a wild ass. You see all the cushions here :
every one has purple or scarlet stuffing. So high is
his felicity. But do not look down on the other freed-
men who are his friends. They are very juicy people.
That one you see Ij'ing at the bottom of the end sofa
has his eight hundred thousand. He was quite a
nobody. A little time ago he was carrying loads of
wood on his back. People do say — I know nothing,
but I have heard — that he pulled oflP a goblin's cap
and found a fairy hoard. ^ If God makes presents I
am jealous of nobody. Still, he shows the marks of
his master's fingers," and has a fine opinion of himself.
So he has just put up a notice on his hovel : This
attic, the property of Caius Pompeius Diogenes, to
let from the 1 st of July, the owner having purchased
a house.* That person there too who is lying in
the freedman's place' is well pleased with himself.
I do not blame him. He had his million in his hands,
but he has had a bad shaking. I believe he cannot call

' Incubo was a g^obPn who guarded hid treasure. If one
stole his cap, he was compelled to reveal the treasure.

'On setting a slave free the master gave him a slap as a
symbol of his former power over him.

' Apparently a recognized place at table was assigned to a
freedman invited to dine >*ith free men. Its position is not
known.

59

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

capillos liberos habere, nee mehereules sua culpa;
ipso enim homo meHor non est; sed Hberti scelerati,
qui omnia ad se fecerunt. Scito autem: sociorum
olla male fervet, et ubi semel res inclinata est, amici
de medio. Et quam honestam negotiationem exercuit,
quod ilium sic vides. Libitinarius fuit. Solebat sic
cenare, quomodo rex : apros gausapatos, opera pistoria,
avis, cocos, pistores. Plus vini sub mensa effunde-
batur, quam aliquis in cella habet. Phantasia, non
homo. Inclinatis quoque rebus suis, cum timeret ne
creditores ilium conturbare existimarent, hoc titulo
auctionem proscripsit : C. lulius Proculus auctionem
faciet rerum supervacuarum."
39 Interpellavit tam dulces fabulas Trimalchio ; nam
iam sublatum erat ferculum, hilaresque convivae vino
sermonibusque publicatis operam coeperant dare. Is
ergo reclinatus in cubitum Hoc vinum " inquit vos
oportet suave faciatis. Pisces natare oportet. Rogo,
me putatis ilia cena esse contentum, quam in theca
repositorii videratis ? Sic notus Vlixes ? ' quid ergo
est ? Oportet etiam inter cenandum philologiam nosse.
Patrono meo ossa bene quiescant, qui me hominem
inter homines voluit esse. Nam mihi nihil novi potest
afferri, sicut ille fericulus iam^ habuit praxim. Caelus
hie, in quo duodecim dii habitant, in totidem se figuras
convertit, et modo fit aries. Itaque quisquis nascitur
illo signo, multa pecora habet, multum lanae, caput
^ fericulus iam Buecheler : fericulusta mel.

60

SATYRICON

his hair his own. No fault of his I am sure ; there
is no better fellow alive ; but it is the damned freed-
men who have pocketed everything. You know how
it is: the company's pot goes off the boil, and the
moment business takes a bad turn your friends desert
you. You see him in this state : and what a fine trade
he drove ! He was an undertaker. He used to dine
like a prince : boars cooked in a cloth, 'wonderful
sweet things, game, chefs and confectioners! There
used to be more wine spilt under the table than many
a man has in his cellars. He was a fairy prince, not
a mortal. When his business was failing, and he was
afraid his creditors might guess that he was going
bankrupt, he advertised a sale in this fashion : Caius
Julius Proculus will offer for sale some articles for
which he has no further use."

Trimalchio interrupted these delightful tales ; the 39
meat had now been removed, and the cheerful company
began to turn their attention to the wine, and to
general conversation. He lay back on his couch and
said : Now you must make this wine go down
pleasantly. A fish must have something to swim in.
But I say, did you suppose I would put up with the
dinner you saw on the top part of that round dish —
Is this the old Ulysses whom ye knew ? " ^ — well, well,
one must not forget one's culture even at dinner.
God rest the bones of my patron; he wanted me to
be a man among men. No one can bring me anything
new, as that last dish proved. The firmament where
the twelve gods inhabit turns into as many figures,
and at one time becomes a ram. So anyone who
is born under that sign has plenty of flocks and wool,

• See Virgil, ^neid, n, 44.

61

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

praeterea durum, frontem expudoratam, cornum acu-
tum. Plurimi hoc signo scholastic! nascuntur et arie-
tilli."^ Laudamus urbanitatem mathematici ; itaque
adiecit : deinde totus caelus taurulus fit. Itaque
tunc calcitrosi nascuntur et bubulci et qui se ipsi
pascunt. «In geminis autem nascuntur bigae et boves
et colei et qui utrosque parietes linunt. In cancro
ego natus sum. Ideo multis pedibus sto, et in mari
et in terra multa possideo ; nam cancer et hoc et illoc
quadrat. Et ideo iam dudum nihil super ilium posui,
ne genesim meam premerem. In leone cataphagae
nascuntur et imperiosi ; in virgine mulieres et fugitivi
et compediti ; in libra laniones et unguentarii et qui-
cunque aliquid expediunt ; in scorpione venenarii et
percussores ; in sagittario strabones, quiholeraspectant,
lardum tollunt ; in capricomo aerumnosi, quibus prae
mala sua cornua nascuntur ; in aquario copones et cu-
curbitae; in piscibus obsonatores et rhetores. Sic
orbis vertitur tanquam mola, et semper aliquid mali
facit, ut homines aut nascantur aut pereant. Quod
autem in medio caespitem videtis et supra caespitem
favum, nihil sine ratione facio. terra mater est in
medio quasi ovum corrotundata, et omnia bona in se
habet tanquam favus."
40 "Sophos" universi clamamus et sublatis manibus
ad cameram iuramus Hipparchum Aratumque com-

* arietilli Heinsius : arieti illi.
62

SATYRICON

a hard head and a brazen forehead and sharp horns.
Very many pedants and young rams are born under
this sign." We applauded the elegance of his astrology,
and so he went on : "'Then the whole sky changes into
a young bull. So men who are free with their heels are
bom now, and oxherds and people who have to find
their own food. Under the Twins tandems are bom, and
oxen, and debauchees, and those who sit on both sides of
the fence. ^ I was born under the Crab. So I have many
legs to stand on, and many possessions by sea and land ;
for either one or the other suits j'our crab. And that
was why just now I put nothing on top of the Crab, for
fear of weighing down the house of my birth. Under the
Lion gluttons and masterful men are bom; under \'irgo
women, and runaway slaves, and chained gangs;
under Libra butchers, and perfumers, and generally
people who put things to rights ; poisoners and assassins
under Scorpio ; under Sagittarius cross-eyed men,
who take the bacon while they look at the vegetables ;
under Capricomus the poor folk whose troubles make
horns sprout on them ; under Aquarius inn-
keepers and men with water on the brain ; under
Pisces chefs and rhetoricians. So the world turns like
a mill, and always brings some evil to pass, causing
the birth of men or their death. You saw the green
turf in the middle of the dish, and the honej'comb on
the turf; I do nothing without a reason. Mother
Earth lies in the world's midst rounded like an egg,
and in her all blessings are contained as in a honey-
comb."

Bravo I" we all cried, swearing with our hands 40
lifted to the ceiling that Hipparchus and Aratus

* Literally "those who bedaub walls on both sides," i.e.
those who " hedge " in fight or friendship.

63

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

parandos illi homines non fuisse^ donee advenerunt
ministri ac toralia praeposuerunt toris^ in quibus retia
erant picta subsessoresque cum venabulis at totus
venationis apparatus. Necdum sciebamus, quo mittere-
mus suspiciones nostras, cum extra triclinium clamor
sublatus est ingens, et ecce canes Laconici etiam circa
mensam discurrere coeperunt. Secutum est hos re-
positorium, in quo positus erat primae magnitudinis
aper, et quidem pilleatus, e cuius dentibus sportellae
dependebant duae palmulis textae, altera caryotis
altera thebaicis repleta. Circa autem minores porcelli
ex coptoplacentis facti, quasi uberibus imminerent,
scrofam esse positam significabant. Et hi quidem
apophoreti fuerunt. Ceterum ad scindendum aprum
non ille Carpus accessit, qui altilia laceraverat, sed
barbatus ingens, fasciis cruralibus alligatus et alicula
subornatus polymita, strictoque venatorio cultro latus
apri vehementer percussit, ex cuius plaga turdi evo-
laverunt. Parati aucupes cum harundinibus fuerunt
et eos circa triclinium volitantes momento exceperunt.
Inde cum suum cuique iussisset referri Trimalchio,
adiecit : Etiam videte, quam porcus ille silvaticus
lotam^ comederit glandem." Statim pueri ad sportellas
accesserunt, quae pendebant e dentibus, thebaicasque
et caryotas ad numerum divisere cenantibus.
4-1 Interim ego, qui privatum habebam secessum, in
multas cogitationes deductus sum, quare aper pilleatus
intrasset. Postquam itaque omnis bacalusias consumpsi,

' lotam Muncker : totam.
64

SATYRICON

were not to be compared with him, until the servants
came and spread over the couches coverlets painted
with nets, and men lying in wait with hunting spears,
and all the instruments of the chase. We were still
wondering where to turn our expectations, when a
great shout was raised outside the dining-room, and
in came some Spartan hounds too, and began run-
ning round the table. A tray was brought in after
them with a wild boar of the largest size upon it,
wearing a cap of freedom, with two little baskets woven
of palm-twigs hanging from his tusks, one full of dry
dates and the other of fresh. Round it lay sucking-
pigs made of simnel cake with their mouths to the
teats, thereby showing that we had a sow before us.
These suckJng-pigs were for the guests to take away.
Carver, who had mangled the fowls, did not come to
divide the boar, but a big bearded man with bands
wound round his legs, and a spangled hunting-coat of
damasked silk, who drew a hunting-knife and plunged
it hard into the boar's side. A number of thrushes flew
out at the blow. As they fluttered round the dining-room
there were fowlers ready A\'ith limed twigs who caught
fliem in a moment. Trimalchio ordered everj'body to be
given his own portion, and added : Now you see what
fine acorns the woodland boar has been eating." Then
boys came and took the baskets which hung from her
jaws and distributed fresh and dry dates to the guests.

Meantime I had got a quiet comer to myself, and had 41
gone off on a long train of speculation, — why the pig
had come in with a cap of freedom on. After turning
the problem over every way^ I ventured to put the

^ Bacalusias may be derived from baceolus (Gk ^ktjXoj) a
blockhead, and ludcre, hence meaning perhaps " every kind
of foolish explanation of the riddle."

F 65

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

duravi interrogare ilium interpretem meum, quod ^ me
torqueret. At ille : Plane etiam hoc servus tuus indi-
care potest; non enim aenigma est, sed res aperta. Hie
aper,cuinheri summacenaeum^ vindicasset, a convivis
dimissus est ; itaque hodie tanquam libertus in convi-
vium revertitur," Damnavi ego stuporem meum et
nihil amplius interrogavi, ne viderer nunquam inter
honestos cenasse.

Dum haec loquimur, puer speciosus, vitibus hederis-
que redimitus, modo Bromium, interdum Lyaeum
Euhiumque confessus, calathisco uvas circumtulit et
poemata domini sui acutissima voce traduxit. Ad
quem sonum conversus Trimalchio Dionyse " inquit
liber esto." Puer detraxit pUleum apro capitique
suo imposuit. Turn Trimalchio rursus adiecit : Non
negabitis me" inquit habere Liberum patrem."
Laudavimus dictum Trimalchionis et circumeuntem
puerum sane perbasiamus.

Ab hoc ferculo Trimalchio ad lasanum surrexit.
Nos libertatem sine tyranno nacti coepimus invitare
convivarum sermones. Dama ^ itaque primus cum pata-
racina poposcisset, Diei " inquit nihil est. Dum
versas te, nox fit. Itaque nihil est melius, quam de
cubiculo recta in triclinium ire. Et mundum frigus
habuimus. Vix me balneus calfecit. Tamen calda
potio vestiarius est. Staminatas duxi, et plane matus
sum. Vinus mihi in cerebrum abiit."

'quod Buecheler: quid,
'cena eum Buecheler : cenara.
' Danias Heinsius: clamat,

66

SATYRICON

question which was troubling me to my old informant.
Your humble servant can explain that too ; " he said,
" there is no riddle, the thing is quite plain. Yesterday
when this animal appeared as piece de resistance at
dinner, the guests dismissed him ; and so to-day he
comes back to dinner as a freedman." I cursed
my dullness and asked no more questions, for fear of
showing that I had never dined among decent people.

As we were speaking, a beautiful boy with vine-
leaves and ivy in his hair brought round grapes in a
little basket, impersonating Bacchus in ecstasy, Bacchus
full of wine, Bacchus dreaming, and rendering his
master's verses in a most shrill voice. Trimalchio turned
round at the noise and said, Dionysus, rise and be
free." The boy took the cap of fi*eedom off the boar,
and put it on his head. Then Trimalchio went on :

I am sure you will agree that the god of liberation
\s my father."^ We applauded Trimalchio's phrase, and
kissed the boy heartily as he went round.

After this dish Trimalchio got up and retired.
With the tyrant away we had our freedom, and we
began to draw the conversation of our neighbours.
Dama began after calling for bumpers : * Day is
nothing. Night is on you before you can turn round.
Then there is no better plan than going straight out
of bed to dinner. It is precious cold. I could scarcely
get warm in a bath. But a hot drink is as good as an
overcoat. I have taken some deep drinks' and I am
quite soaked. The wine has gone to my head."

^ The name of the god Liber was fancifully derived from
the fact that wine frees men from cares. Trimalchio, who
confers freedom upon slaves, therefore takes him as his
patron or father.

' Staminatas means a draught of unmixed wine. The word
is variously derived f'-om the Greek ffrdfivoi or the Latin stamen.

f2 67

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

42 . Excepit Seleucus fabulae partem et Ego " inquit

non cotidie lavor ; baliscus enim fuUo est, aqua dentes
habetj et cor nostrum cotidie liquescit. Sed cum
mulsi pultarium obduxi, frigori laecasin dice. Nee
sane lavare potui ; fui enim hodie in funus. Homo
bell us, tarn bonus Chrysanthus animam ebuUiit.
Modo, modo me appellavit. Videor mihi cum illo
loqui. Heu, eheu. Utres inflati ambulamus. Mino-
ris quam muscae sumus, muscae tamen aliquam vir-
tutem habent, nos non pluris sumus quam bullae. Et
quid si non abstinax fuisset. Quinque dies aquam in
OS suum non coniecit, non micam panis. Tamen abiit
ad plures. Medici ilium perdiderunt, immo magis
malus fatus ; medicus enim nihil aliud est quam animi
consolatio. Tamen bene elatus est, vitali lecto,
stragulis bonis. Planctus est optime — manu misit
aliquot — etiam si maligne ilium ploravit uxor. Quid
si non illam optime accepisset. Sed mulier quae mulier
milvinum genus. Neminem nihil boni facere oportet ;
aeque est enim ac si in puteum conicias. Sed antiquus
amor cancer est."

43 Molestus fuit, Philerosque proclamavit : Vivorum
meminerimus. lUe habet, quod sibi debebatur :
honeste vixit, honeste obiit. Quid habet quod que-
ratur ? Ab asse crevit et paratus fuit quadrantem de
stercore mordicus tollere. Itaque crevit, quicquid
crevit, tanquam favus. Puto mehercules ilium reliquisse

68

SATYRICON

Seleucus took up the tale and said : I do not wash 42
every day ; the bathman pulls you to pieces like a
fuller, the water bites, and the heart of man melts
away daily. But when I have put down some draughts
of mead I let the cold go to the devil. ^ Besides,
I could not wash ; I was at a funeral to-day. A fine
fellow, the excellent Chrysanthus, has breathed his
last. It was but the other day he greeted me. I feel
as if I were speaking with him now. Dear, dear, how
we bladders of wind strut about. We are meaner
than flies ; flies have their virtues, we are nothing but
bubbles. And what Avould have happened if he had
not tried the fasting cure ? No water touched his
lips for five days, not a morsel of bread. Yet he went
over to the majority. The doctors killed him — no, it
was his unhappy destiny ; a doctor is nothing but a sop
to conscience. Still, he was carried out in fine style on
a bier covered with a good pall. The mourning was
very good too — he had freed a number of slaves — even
though his own wife was very grudging over her tears.
I daresay he did not treat her particularly kindlj'. But
women one and all are a set of vultures. It is no use
doing anyone a kindness; it is all the same as if you
put your kindness in a well. But an old love pinches
like a crab."

He was a bore, and Phileros shouted out : Oh, let 43
us remember the living. He has got his deserts ; he
lived decently and died decently. WTiat has he got to
grumble at? He started with twopence, and he was
always ready to pick a halfpenny out of the dirt
wth his teeth. So he grew and grew like a honey-
comb. Upon my word, I believe he left a clear hundred

* Laecasin is from the Greek Xetx<if"i', ha-tin/el/are, sensu
obsceno.

69

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

aolida centum, et omnia in nummis habuit. De re
tamen ego verum dicam, qui linguam caninam comedi :
durae buccae fuit, linguosus, discordia, non homo.
Frater eius fortis fuit, amicus amico, manu plena,
uncta mensa. Et inter initia malam parram pilavit, sed
recorrexit costas illius prima vindemia: vendidit enim
vinum, quanti^ ipse voluit. Et quod illius mentum
sustulit, hereditatem accepit, ex qua plus involavit,
quam illi relictum est. Et ille stips, dum fratri suo
irascitur, nescio cui terrae filio patrimonium elegavit.
Longe fugit, quisquis suos fugit. Habuit autem oricula-

fZL' rios ^ servos, qui ilium pessum dederunt. | Nunquam

L autem recte faciet, qui cito credit, | utique homo

negotians. Tamen verum quod frunitus est, quam diu

vixit, * cui datum est, non cui destinatum.

Plane Fortunae filius, in manu illius plumbum aurum
fiebat. Facile est autem, ubi omnia quadrata currunt.
Et quot putas ilium annos secum tulisse ? Septuaginta
et supra. Sed corneolus fuit, aetatem bene ferebat,
niger tanquam corvus. Noveram hominem olim olio-
rum et adhuc salax erat. Non mehercules ilium puto
in domo canem reliquisse. Immo etiam pullarius ^ erat,
omnis minervae homo. Nee improbo, hoc solum enim
secum tulit."

44 Haec Phileros dixit, ilia Ganymedes: 'narratis

quod nee ad caelum nee ad terram pertinet, cum

interim nemo curat, quid annona mordet. Non me-

' plena uncta Heinsius : uncta plena.

^quanti Scheffer: quantum.

^ oricularios Reinesius : oracularios.

* Some words suck as bene vixit have clearly dropped out.

' pullarius Burmann : peullarius

70

SATYRICON

thousand, and all in hard cash. Still, I have eaten the
dog's tongue, I must speak the truth. He had a rough
mouth, and talked continually, and was more of a
discord than a man. His brother was a fine fellow,
stood by his friends, open-handed and kept a good
table. To begin with, he caught a Tartar:^ but his
first vintage set him on his feet :• he used to get any
price he asked for his \\ine. And what made him
hold up his head was that he came into an estate out
of which he got more than had been left to him. And
that blockhead, in a fit of passion with his brother, left
the family property away to some nobody or other.
He that flies from his own family has far to travel. But
he had some eaves-dropping slaves who did for him. A
man who is always ready to believe what is told him
will never do well, especially a business man. Still
no doubt he enjoyed himself every day of his life.
Blessed is he who gets the gift, not he for whom it is
meant. He was a real Fortune's darling, lead turned
gold in his hands. Yes, it is easy when everything
goes fair and square. And how many years do you
think he had on his shoulders? Seventy and more.
But he was a tough old thing, carried his age well, as
black as a crow. I had known him world without end,
and he was still merry. I really do not think he spared
a single creature in his house. No, he was still a gay
one, ready for anj-thing. Well, I do not blame him :
it is only his past pleasures he can take with him."

So said Phileros, but GanjTnede broke in : " You go 44
talking about things which are neither in heaven nor
earth, and none of you care all the time how the
price of food pinches. I swear I cannot get hold

' Literally " he plucked a bad mag^pie." The magpie was
considered a bird of ill omen : Horace, Odes iti, 27.

71

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

hercules hodie buccam panis invenire potui. Et quo-

modo siccitas perseverat. lam annum esuritio fuit.

Aediles male eveniat, qui cum pistoribus colludunt

Serva me, servabo te. ' Itaque populus minutus

laborat; nam isti maiores maxillae semper Saturnalia

agunt. O si haberemus illos leones, quos ego hie inveni,

cum primum ex Asia veni. Illud erat vivere. Simila

si siligine inferior esset/ laruas sic istos percolopa-

bant, ut illis lupiter iratus esset. [Sed] memini Safi-

nium : tunc habitabat ad arcum veterem, me puero,

piper, non homo. Is quacunque ibat, terram adurebat

Sed rectus, sed certus, amicus amico, cum quo auda-

cter posses intenebris micare. In curia autem quomodo

singulos [vel] pilabat [tractabat], nee schemas loque-

batur sed derectum.^ Cum ageret porro in foro, sic illius

vox crescebat tanquam tuba. Nee sudavit unquam

nee expuit, puto eum^ nescio quid Asiadis habuisse.

Et quam benignus resalutare, nomina omnium reddere,

tanquam unus de nobis. Itaque illo tempore anno-

na pro luto erat. Asse panem quem emisses, non

potuisses cum altera devorare. Nunc oculum bublum

vidi maiorem. Heu heu, quotidie peius. Haec colonia

retroversus crescit tanquam coda vituli. Sed quare nos *

habemus aedilem trium cauniarum, qui sibi mavult

assem quam vitam nostram? Itaque domi gaudet, plus

in die nummorum accipit, quam alter patrimonium

' Simila si siligine inferior esset Buecheler : similia sicilia
interiores et.

- derectum A'^/s^^ .• dilectum.
^eura Tilebomenns : enim.
*nos Tilebomenus : non.

72

SATYRICON

of ? mouthful of bread to-day. And how the drought
goes on. There has been a famine for a whole year
now. Damn the magistrates, who play Scratch my
back, and I'll scratch yours,' in league with the bakers.
So the little people come off badly; for the jaws of
the upper classes are always keeping carnival. I do wish
we had the bucks I found here when I first came out of
Asia. That was hfe. If the flour was any but the finest,
they beat those vampires into a jelly, until they put the
fear of God into them. I remember Safinius : he used
to live then by the old arch when I was a boy. He
was more of a mustard-pot than a man : used to
scorch the ground wherever he trod. Still he was
straight; you could trust him, a true friend: j'ou
would not be afraid to play at morra^ with him in the
dark. How he used to dress them down in the senate-
house, every one of them, never using roundabout
phrases, making a straightforward attack. And when he
was pleading in the courts, his voice used to swell like
a trumpet. Never anj' sweating or spitting : I imagine
he had a touch of the Asiatic style. And how kindly
he returned one's greeting, calling every one by name
quite like one of ourselves. So at that time food was
dirt-cheap. You could buy a larger loaf for twopence
than you and your better half together could get
through. One sees a bun bigger now. Lord, things are
worse everyday. This town goes downhill liketlie calf s
tail. But why do we put up with a magistrate not worth
three pepper-corns, who cares more about putting two-
pence in his purse than keeping us alive? He sits
grinning at home, and pockets more money a day than

' In the game Morra one party held up a number of fing^ers
and the other had to guess what the number was. A man
who could play it in the dark would be a miracle.

73

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

habet. lam scio, unde acceperit denarios mille aureos.
Sed si nos coleos haberemus, non tan turn sibi placeret.
Nunc populus est domi leones, foras vulpes. Quod ad
me attinet, iam pannos meos comedij et si perseverat
haee annona, casulas meas vendam. Quid enim fu-
turum est, si nee dii nee homines huius coloniae
miserentur? Ita meos fruniscarj ut ego puto omnia

HL ilia a diibus fieri. | Nemo enim caelum caelum putat,
nemo ieiunium servat, nemo lovem pili facit, sed
H omnes opertis oculis bona sua computant. | Antea
stolatae ibant nudis pedibus in clivum, passis capillis,
mentibus puris, et lovem aquam exorabant. Itaque
statim urceatim plovebat : aut tunc ant nunquam : et
omnes redibant udi " tanquam mures. Itaque dii pedey
lanatos habent, quia nos religiosi non sumus. Agri
iacent" —

45 Orote"inquitEchion centonarius melius loquere.

Modo sic, modo sic ' inquit rusticus ; varium porcum

HL perdiderat. | Quod hodie non est, eras erit: sic vita

H tvuditur. I Non mehercules patria melior dici potest,

si homines haberet. Sed laborat hoc tempore, nee

haec sola. Non debemus delicati esse, ubique medius

caelus est. Tu si aliubi fueris, dices hie porcos coctos

ambulare. Et ecce habituri sumus munus excellente

in triduo die festa; familia non lanisticia, sed plurimi

liberti. Et Titus noster magnum animum habet et est

caldicerebrius : aut hoc aut illud erit, quid^ utique.

'a diibus Buecheler: aedilibus.

^ redL\ha.ni Jacobs : ridebant \xd\ Triller: ut dii.

' quid Heinsius : quod.

74

SATYRICON

other people have for a fortune. I happen to know
where he came by a thousand in gold. If we had any
spunk in us he would not be so pleased with himself.
Nowadays people are lions in their own houses, and
foxes out of doors. I have already eaten my rags,
and if these prices keep up, I shall have to sell my cot-
tages. Whatever is to happen if neither the gods nor
man will take pity on this town ? As I hope to have joy
of my children, I believe all these things come from
Heaven. For no one now believes that the gods are
gods. There is no fasting done, no one cares a button for
religion : they all shut their eyes and count their own
goods. In old days the mothers in their best robes
used to climb the hill with bare feet and loose hair,
pure in spirit, and pray Jupiter to send rain. Then it
used promptly to rain by the bucket : it was now or
never : and they all came home, wet as drowned rats.
As it is, the gods are gouty in the feet because we
are sceptics. So our fields lie baking — "

Oh, don't be so gloomy," said Echion, the old 45
clothes dealer. There's ups and there's downs,' as
the country bumpkin said when he lost his spotted pig.
What is not to-day, will be to-morrow: so we trudge
through life. I engage you could not name a better
country to call one's own, if only the men in it had sense.
It has its troubles now like others. We must not be too
particular when there is a sky above us all. If you
were anywhere else, you would say that roast pork
walked in the streets here. Just think, we are soon
to be given a superb spectacle lasting three days ; not
simply a troupe of professional gladiators, but a large
number of them freedmen. And our good Titus has a
big imagination and is hot-blooded: it will be one
thing or another, something real anyway. I know him

75

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
Nam illi domesticus sum, non est miscix. Ferrum
optimum daturus est, sine fuga, carnarium in medio,
ut amphitheater videat. Et habet unde : relictum est
illi sestertium tricenties, decessit illius pater male.
Ut quadringenta impendat, non sentiet patrimonium
illius, et sempiterno nominabitur. lam Manios aliquot
habet et mulierera essedariam et dispensatorem Gly-
conis, qui deprehensus est, cum dominam suam dele-
ctaretur. Videbis populi rixam inter zelotypos et
amasiunculos. Glyco autem, sestertiarius homo, dis-
pensatorem ad bestias dedit. Hoc est se ipsum tra-
ducere. Quid servus peccavit, qui coactus est facere ?
Magis ilia matella digna fuit quam taurus iactaret.
Sed qui asinum non potest, stratum caedit. Quid
autem Glyco putabat Hermogenis filicem unquam
bonum exitum facturam? Ille milvo volanti poterat
ungues resecare ; colubra restem non parit. Glyco,
Glyco dedit suas ; itaque quamdiu vixerit, habebit sti-
gmam, nee illam nisi Orcus delebit. Sed sibi quisque
peccat. Sed subolfacio, quod nobis epulum daturus
est Mammaea, binos denai'ios mihi et meis. Quod si
hoc fecerit, eripiat Norbano totum favorem. Scias
oportet plenis velis hunc vinciturum. Et revera, quid
ille nobis boni fecit? Dedit gladiatores sestertiarios
iam decrepitos, quos si sufflasses, cecidissent; iam
meliores bestiarios vidi. Occidit de lucerna equites,
76

SATi'RICON

very well, and he is all against half-measures. He
will give you the finest blades, no running away, but-
chery done in the middle, where the whole audience
can see it. And he has the wherewithal; he came
into thirtj' million when his father came to grief. If
he spends four hundred thousand, his estate ^^•^ll never
feel it, and his name will live for ever. He has already
collected some cIo^^tis, and a woman to fight from
a chariot, and Glyco's steward, who was caught
amusing Glyco's wife. You will see the crowd quarrel,
jealous husbands against gallants. A twopenny half-
penny fellow like Glj'co goes throwing his steward
to the beasts. He only gives himself awaj'. It is not
the slave's fault; he had to do as he was told. That
filthy wife of his rather deserved to be tossed by
the bull. But a man who cannot beat his donkey,
beats the saddle. How did Glyco suppose that a
sprig of Hermogenes's sowing would ever come to a
good end ? He was one for paring the claws of a kite
on the wing, and you do not gather figs from thistles.^
Glj'co? why, Glyco has given away his own flesh
and blood. He will be branded as long as he lives,
and nothing but death will -vripe it out. But a man
must have his faults. My nose prophesies a good
meal from Mammaea, twopence each for me and mine.
If he does, he will put Norbanus" quite in the shade.
You know he will beat him hands down. After all,
•what has Norbanus ever done for us? He produced
some decayed twopenny-halfpenny gladiators, who
would have fallen flat if you breathed on them ; I have
seen better ruffians turned in to fight the wild beasts.
He shed the blood of some mounted infantry that might

* Literally " a viper does not bring forth a rope."
'A prosperous lawyer; see c. 46.

77

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

putares eos gallos gallinaceos; alter burdubasta, alter
loripeSj tertiarius mortuus pro mortuo, qui habebat
nervia praecisa. Unus alicuius flaturae fuit Thraex,
qui et ipse ad dictata pugnavit. Ad summam, omnes
postea secti sunt; adeo de magna turba adhibete'
acceperant, plane fugae merae. Munus tamen ' inquit
tibi dedi': et ego tibi plodo. Oomputa, et tibi plus
do quam accepi. Manus manum lavat. Videris mihi,
i6 Agamemnon, dicere : ' Quid iste argutat molestus ? '
quia tu, qui potes loquere, non loquis.^ Non es nostrae
fasciae, et ideo pauperorum verba derides. Scimus te
prae litteras fatuum esse. Quid ergo est? aliqua die
te persuadeam, ut ad villam venias et videas casulas
nostras ? Inveniemus quod manducemus, pullum, ova :
belle erit, etiam si omnia hoc anno tempestas dispare
pallavit : inveniemus ergo unde saturi fiamus. Et iam
tibi discipulus crescit cicaro meus. Iam quattuor partis
dicit; si vixerit, habebis ad latus servulum. Nam
quicquid illi vacat, caput de tabula non tollit. Ingeni-
osus est et bono filo, etiam si in aves morbosus est.
Ego illi iam tres cardeles occidi, et dixi quod mustella
comedit. Invenit tamen alias nenias, et libentissime
pingit. Ceterum iam Graeculis calcem impingit et
Latinas coepit non male appetere, etiam si magister
eius sibi placens fit^ nee uno loco consistit, sed venit,

' habebat Buecheler: habet.
" loquis jff ?<rwann .• loqui.
* fit Buecheler : sit.

78

SATYRICON

have come off a lamp ; dunghill cocks you woula have
called them : one a sp)avined mule, the other bandy-
legged, and the holder of the bye, just one corpse
instead of another, and hamstrung. One man, a
Thracian, had some stuffing, but he too fought accord-
ing to the rule of the schools. In short, they were all
flogged afterwards. How the great crowd roared at
them. Lay it on ' I They were mere runaways, to be
sure, 'still,' says Norbanus, I did give you a treat.'
Yes, and I clap my hands at you. Reckon it up, and
I give you more than I got. One good turn de-
serves another. Now, Agamemnon, you look as if you 46
were sajring. What is this bore chattering for ? ' Only
because you have the gift of tongues and do not speak.
You do not come off our shelf, and so j'ou make fun
of the way we poor men talk. We know you are mad
with much learning. But I tell you what ; can I per-
suade you to come down to my place some day and see
my Uttle property ? We shall find something to eat, a
chicken and eggs : it will be delightful, even though
the weather this year has made everything grow at
the wrong time : we shall find something to fill our-
selves up with. My little boy is growing into a follower
of yours already. He can do simple division now; if
he lives, you will have a little serv^ant at your heels.
Whenever he has any spare time, he never hfts his
nose from the slate. He is clever, and comes of a good
stock, even though he is too fond of birds. I killed
three of his goldfinches just lately, and said a weasel
had eaten them. But he has found some other hobby,
and has taken to painting with great pleasure. He has
made a hole in his Greek now, and begins to rehsh
Latin finely, even though his master is conceited and
will not stick to one thing at a time. The boy comes

79

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

dem litteras, sed non vult laborare. Est et alter non
quidem doctus, sed curiosus, qui plus docet quam scit.
Itaque feriatis diebus solet domum venire, et quicquid
dederis, contentus est. Emi ergo nunc puero aliquot
libra rubricata, quia volo ilium ad domusionem aliquid
de iure gustare. Habet haec res panem. Nam litteris
satis inquinatus est. Quod si resilient, destinavi ilium
artificii docere, aut tonstreinum^ aut praeconem aut
certe eausidicum, quod illi auferre non possit nisi
Orcus. Ideo illi cotidie clamo: Primigeni, crede
mihi, quicquid discis, tibi discis. Vides Phileronem
eausidicum : si non didicisset, hodie famem a labris non
abigeret. Modo,modo collo suo circumferebat onera ve-
nalia, nunc etiam adversus Norbanum se extendit. Lit-
terae thesaurum est, et artificium nunquam moritur.' "
47 Eiusmodi fabulae vibrabant, cum Trimalchio intra-
vit et detersa fronte unguento manus lavit spatioque
minimo interposito Ignoscite mihi" inquit amici,
multis iam diebus venter mihi non respondit. Nee
medici se inveniunt. Profuit mihi tamen malicorium ^
et taeda ex aceto. Spero tamen, iam veterem^ pudo-
rem sibi imponet. Alioquin circa stomachum mihi
sonat, putes taurum. Itaque si quis vestrum voluerit
sua re [causa]* facere, non est quod ilium pudeatur.
Nemo nostrum solide natus est. Ego nullum puto tam
magnum tormentum esse quam continere. Hoc so-

I

^tonstrinum Scheffer: constreinum.
' malicorium Scheffer: maleicorum.
* veterem Heinsius : ventrem,
^ causa bracketed by Scheffer.

80

SATYRICON

asking me to give him some ■WTit±ng to do, though he
does not want to work. I have another boy who is
no scholar, but very inquiring, and can teach you
more than he knows himself. So on holidays he
generally comes home, and is quite pleased whatever
you give him. I bought the child some books 'svith
red-letter headings in them a httle time ago. I
want him to have a smack of law in order to manage
the property. Law has bread and butter in it. He
has dipped quite deep enough into literature. If he
is restless, I mean to have him learn a trade, a barber
or an auctioneer, or at least a barrister, something
that he can carry to the grave with him. So I drum
it into him every day : Mark my words, Primigeniiis,
whatever you learn, you learn for your own good.
Look at Phileros, the barrister : if he had not worked,
he would not be keeping the wolf from the door to-
day. It is not so long since he used to carry things
roimd on his back and sell them, and now he makes a
brave show even against Norbanus. Yes, education is
a treasure, and culture never dies.' "

Gossip of this kind was in the air, when Trimalchio 47
came in mopping his brow, and washed his hands in
scent. After a short pause, he said. You will excuse
me, gentlemen? My bowels have not been working
for several days. All the doctors are puzzled. Still,
I found pomegranate rind useful, and pinewood boiled
in vinegar. I hope now my stomach will learn to ob-
serve its old decencies. Besides, I have such rumblings
inside me you would think there was a bull there. So il
any of you gentlemen wishes to retire there is no need
to be shy about it. We were none of us bom quite
sohd. I cannot imagine any torture like holding one-
self in. Tiie one thing Jupiter himself cannot forbid
o 81

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

lum vetare ne lovis potest. Rides, Fortunata, quae
soles me nocte desomnem facere? Nee tamen in tri-
clinio ullum vetuo' facere quod se iuvet, et medici
vetant continere. Vel si quid plus venit, omnia foras
parata sunt : aqua, lasani et cetera minutalia. Credite
mihi, anathymiasis in cerebrum it et in toto corpore
fluctum facit. Multos scio sic periisse, dum nolunt
sibi verum dieere." Gratias agimus liberalitati indul-
gentiaeque eius, et subinde castigamus crebris poti-
unculis risum. Nee adhuc sciebamus nos in medio
lautitiarum, quod^ aiunt, clivo laborare. Nam cum
mundatis ad symphoniam mensis tres albi sues in tri-
clinium adducti sunt capistris et tintinnabulis culti,
quorum unum bimum nomenculator esse dicebat, alte
Tum trimum, tertium vero iam sexennem/ ego putabam
petauristarios intrasse et porcos, sicut in circulis mos
est, portenta aliqua facturos ; sed Trimalcliio expecta-
tione discussa Quem" inquit ex eis vultis in ce-
nam statim fieri? gallum enim gallinaceum^ penthi-
acum et eiusmodi nenias rustici faciunt: mei coci
etiam vitulos aeno coctos solent facere." Continuoque
cocum vocari iussit, et non expectata electione nostra
maximum natu iussit occidi, et clara voce : Ex quota
decuria es?" Cum ille se ex quadragesima respondis-
set, ' Empticius an" inquit domi natus?" Neu-
trum " inquit cocus sed testamento Pansae tibi
relictus sum." ' Vide ergo " ait ut diligenter ponas;

' vetuo Buecheler: vetiii.
'quod Heinsius : quo.
'sexennem Wehl: senem.

89

SATYRICON

is that we should have relief. Why do you laugh,
Fortunata; it is you who are always keeping me
awake all night. Of course, as far as I am concerned,
anyone may relieve himself in the dining-room. The
doctors forbid retention. But if the matter is serious,
everything is ready outside : water, towels, and all the
other little comforts. Take my word for it, vapours
go to the brain and make a disturbance throughout the
body. I know many people have died this way, by
refusing to admit the truth to themselves." We
thanked him for his generosity and kindness, and
then tried to suppress our laughter by drinking hard
and fast. We did not yet realize that we had only
got halfway through the delicacies, and still had an
uphill task before us, as they say. The tables were
cleared to the sound of music, and three white pigs,
adorned with muzzles and bells, were led into the
dining-room. One was two years old, the keeper
said, the second three, and the other as much as six.
I thought some ropewalkers had come in, and that the
pigs would perform some wonderful tricks, as they do
for crowds in the streets. Trimalchio ended our sus-
pense by saying. Now, which of them would you like
turned into a dinner this minute ? Any country hand can
turn out a fowl or a Pentheus^ hash, or trifles of that
kind. My cooks are quite used to ser\ing whole calves
done in a cauldron." Then he told them to fetch a cook
at once, and without waiting for our opinion ordered
the eldest pig to be killed, and said in a loud voice.

Which division of the household do you belong to ? "
The man said he came from the fortieth. Were you
purchased or born on the estate?" ' Neither; I was
left to you under Pansa's will." Well then," said

^Pentheus, king of Thebes, was torn in pieces by the Bacchae.
g2 83

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

si non, te iubebo in decuriam viatorum conici." Et
48 cocum quidem potentiae admonitum in culinam obso-
nium duxit, Trimalchio autem mihi ad nos v^ultu
respexit et Vinum " inquit si non placet, mutabo ;
vos illud oportet bonum faciatis. Deorum bene-
ficio non emo, sed nunc quicquid ad salivam facit, in
suburbano nascitur eo, quod ego adhuc non novi.
Dicitur confine esse Tarraciniensibus et Tarentinis.
Nunc coniungere agellis Siciliam volo, ut cum Africam
libuerit ire, per meos fines navigem. Sed naiTa tu mihi,
Agamemnon, quam controversiam hodie declamasti?
Ego etiam si causas non ago, in domusionem tamen
litteras didici. Et ne me putes studia fastiditum,
II ^ bybliothecas habeo, unam Graecam, alteram Lati-
nam. Die ergo, si me amas, peristasim declamationis
tuae." Cum dixisset Agamemnon: Pauper et dives
inimici erant," ait Trimalchio Quid est pauper?"

Urbane " inquit Agamemnon et nescio quam con-
troversiam exposuit. Statim Trimalchio Hoc " inquit

si factum est, controversia non est; si factum non
est, nihil est." Haec aliaque cum efFusissimis prose-
queremur laudationibus, Rogo " inquit Agamemnon
mihi carissime, numquid duodecim aerumnas Herculis
tenes, aut de Vlixe fabulam, quemadmodum illi Cy-
clops pollicem forcipe* extorsit? Solebam haec ego
puer apud Homerum legere. Nam Sibyllam quidem
Cumis ego ipse oculis meis vidi in ampulla pendere,

'etiam Wehl: autem.

* domusionem Wehl: divisione.
^11 Tilebomentis : tres.

* forcipe Buecheler : poricino.

84

SATYRICON

Trimalchio, " mind you serve this carefully, or I will
have you degraded to the messengers' di\ision." So
the cook was reminded of his master's power, and the 48
dish that was to be carried him off to the kitchen. Tri-
malchio turned to us with a mild expression and said,
" I will change the wine if you do not like it. You will
have to give it its virtues. Under God's providence, I
do not have to buy it. Anything here which makes
your mouths water is grown on a country estate of
mine which I know nothing about as yet. I believe
it is on the boundary of Terracina and Tarentum.
Just now I want to join up all Sicily with properties
of mine, so that if I take a fancy to go to Africa I
shall travel through my own land. But do tell me,
Agamemnon, what declamation^ did you deliver in
school to-day? Of course, I do not practise in
court mj'self, but I learned literature for domestic
purposes. And do not imagine that I despise learn-
ing. I have got two libraries, one Greek and one
Latin. So give me an outline of your speech, if you
love me." Then Agamemnon said : A poor man and
a rich man were once at enmity." But what is a
poor man?" Trimalchio replied. Very clever," said
Agamemnon, and went on expounding some problem
or other. Trimalchio at once retorted : If the thing
really happened, there is no problem ; if it never hap-
pened, it is all nonsense." We followed up this and
other sallies with the most extravagant admiration.
'' Tell me, dear Agamemnon," said Trimalchio, do you
know anjthing of the twelve labours of Hercules, or the
storj' of Ulysses and how the Cyclops twisted his thumb
witli the tongs ? I used to read these things in Homer
when I was a boy. Yes, and I myself with my own
^ Controversia is a declamation on a controversial theme.

85

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

et cum illi pueri dicerent: 2t'/3iiAAa, rt ^«Aets; re-
spondebat ilia; aTro^ai'civ 6(Xo}."
If) Nondum efflaverat omnia, cum repositorium cum
sue ingenti mensam occupavit. Mirari nos celeritatem
coepimus et iurare, ne gallum quidem gallinaceum
tarn cito percoqui potuisse, tanto quidem magis, quod
longe maior nobis porcus videbatur esse, quam paulo
ante aper fuerat. Deinde magis magisque Trimalchio
intuens eum Quid? quid?" inquit porcus hie non
est exinteratus? Non mehercules est. Voca, voca
cocum in medio." Cum constitisset ad mensam cocus
tristis et diceret se oblitum esse exinterare, quid?
oblitus?" Trimalchio exclamat 'Putes ilium piper
et cuminum non coniecisse. Despolia." Non fit
mora, despoliatur cocus atque inter duos tortores
maestus consistit. Deprecari tamen omnes coepenmt
et dicere : Solet fieri ; rogamus, mittas ; postea si
fecerit, nemo nostrum pro illo rogabit." Ego, crude-
lissimae severitatis, non potui me tenere, sed inclina-
tus ad aurem Agamemnonis plane" inquam hie
debet servus esse nequissimus; aliquis oblivisceretur
porcum exinterare ? Non mehercules illi ignoscerem,
si piscem praeterisset." At non Trimalchio, qui re-
laxato in hilaritatem vultu Ergo" inquit quia tam
malae memoriae es, palam nobis ilium exintera."
Recepta cocus tunica cultrum arripuit porcique ven-
trem hinc atque illinc timida manu secuit. Nee mora,
f<6

SATYRICON

eyes saw the Sibyl hanging in a cage; and when the
boys cried at her: Sibyl, Sibyl, vrhat do you want?'
I would that I were dead/ she used to answer."^

He had still more talk to pufF out, when the table 49
was filled by a dish holding an enormous pig. We
began to express astonishment at such speed, and
took our oath that not even a fowl could have been
properly cooked in the time, especially as the pig
seemed to us to be much bigger than the boar had
been a little while earlier. Trimalchio looked at it
more and more closely and then said. What, what,
has not this pig been gutted? I swear it has not.
The cook, send the cook up here to us." The poor
cook came and stood by the table and said that he
had forgotten to gut it. What ? Forgotten ? " shouted
Trimalchio. You would think the fellow had only
forgotten to season it with pepper and cummin. Off
with his shirt!" In a moment the cook was stripped
and stood dolefully between two executioners. Then we
all began to beg him off and say: These things will
happen ; do let him go ; if he does it again none of us
will say a word for htm." I was as stiff and stern as
could be ; I could not restrain mvself, but leaned over
and said in Agamemnon's ear: This must be a most
wretched servant ; how could anyone forget to gut a
pig? On my oath I would not forgive him if he had
let a fish go like that." But Trimalchio's face softened
into smiles. Well," he said, if your memory is so
bad, clean him here in front of us." The cook put
on his shirt, seized a knife, and carved the pig's belly
in various places with a shaking hand. At once the

^ Sibyls were said to live to a great age ; their mummies
continued to be exhibited after their death. A confusion with
♦he myth of Tiihonus, who was turned into a grasshopper.

87

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

ex plagis ponderis inclinatione crescentibus tomacu.a.
cum botulis efFusa sunt.

50 Plausum post hoc automatum familia dedit et "^Gaio
feliciter" conclamavit. Nee non cocus potione hono-
ratus est et argentea corona, poculumque in lance
accepit Corinthia. Quam cum Agamemnon propius
consideraret, ait Trimalchio : Solus sum qui vera Co-
rinlhea habeam." Expectabam, ut pro reliqua inso-
lentia diceret sibi vasa Corintho afFerri. Sed ille melius :

Et forsitan" inquit quaeris, quare solus Corinthea
vera possideam: quia scilicet aerarius, a quo emo,
Corinthus vocatur. Quid est autem Corintheum, nisi
quis Corinthum habet? Et ne me putetis nesapium
esse, valde bene scio, unde primum Corinthea nata
sint. Cum Ilium captum est, Hannibalj homo vafer
et magnus stelio,^ omnes statuas aeneas et aureas et
argenteas in unum rogum congessit et eas incendit;
factae sunt in unum aera miscellanea. Ita ex hac
massa fabri sustulerunt et fecerunt catilla et paropsides
et statuncula. Sic Corinthea nata sunt, ex omnibus
in unum, nee hoc nee illud. Ignoscetis mihi, quod
dixero : ego malo mihi vitrea, certe non olunt.^ Quod

5 1 si non frangerentur, mallem mihi quam aurum ; nunc

autem vilia sunt. Fuit tamen faber qui fecit pliialara

vitream, quae non frangebatur. Admissus ergo Cae-

sarem est cum suo munere, deinde fecit reporrigere

Caesarem^ et illam in pavimentum proiecit. Caesar non

pote valdius quam expavit. At ille sustulit phialam

^ stelio Heinsius : scelio.
^noii o\unt Bticcheler: nolunt.
' Caesarem Scheffer : Gaesari.

88

SATYR I CON

slits widened under the pressure from within, and
sausages and black puddings tumbled out.

At this the slaves burst into spontaneous applause 50
and shouted, God bless Gaius!" The cook too
was rewarded with a drink and a silver cro^NTi, and
was handed the cup on a Corinthian dish. Agamemnon
began to peer at the dish rather closely, and Trimal-
chio said, I am the sole owner of genuine Corinthian
plate." I thought he would declare with his usual
effrontery that he had cups imported direct from
Corinth. But he went one better : You may perhaps
inquire," said he, how I come to be alone in having
genuine Corinthian stuff: the obvious reason is that
the name of the dealer I buy it from is Corinthus.
But what is real Corinthian, imless a man has Corinthus
at his back ? Do not imagine that I am an ignoramus.
I know perfectly well how Corinthian plate was first
brought into the world. At the fall of Ilium,
Hannibal, a trickster and a great knave, collected all
the sculptures, bronze, gold, and silver, into a single
pile, and set light to them. They all melted into one
amalgam of bronze. The workmen took bits out of
this lump and made plates and entree dishes and
statuettes. That is how Corinthian metal was born,
from all sorts lumped together, neither one kind nor
the other. You will forgive me if I say that personally
I prefer glass; glass at least does not smell. If it
were not so breakable I should prefer it to gold ; as it
is, it is so cheap. But there was once a workman who 5 1
made a glass cup that was unbreakable. So he was
gfiven an audience of the Emperor with his invention ;
he made Caesar give it back to him and then threw
it on the floor. Caesar was as frightened as could be.
[But the man picked up his cup from the ground : it

89

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

de terra; collisa erat tanquam vasum aeneum; deinde
martiolum de sinu protulit et phialam otio belle cor-
rexit. Hoc facto putabat se solium^ lovis tenere,
utique postquam Caesar^ illi dixit : Numquid alius scit
hanc condituram vitreorum?' vide modo. Postquam
negavit, iussit ilium Caesar decollari: quia enim, si
scitura essetj aurum pro luto haberemus. In argento
52 plane studiosus sum. Habeo scyphos urnales plus
minus C : quemadmodum Cassandra occidit filios suos,
et pueri mortui iacent sic ut vivere'' putes. Habeo
capides^ M, quas reliquit patrono meo Mummius,^ ubi
Daedalus Niobam in equum Troianum includit. Nam
Hermerotis pugnas et Petraitis in poculis habeo,
omnia ponderosa ; meum enim intelligere nulla pecunia
vendo."

Haec dum refert, puer calicem proiecit. Ad quern
respiciens Trimalchio Cito" inquit te ipsum caede,
quia nugax es." Statim puer demisso labro orare.
At ille Quid me" inquit rogas? Tanquam ego tibi
molestus sim. Suadeo, a te impetres, ne sis nugax."
Tandem ergo exoratus a nobis missionem dedit puero.
Ille dimissus circa mensam percucurrit . . .

et Aquam foras, vinum intro" clamavit . . .
excipimus urbanitatem iocantis, et ante omnes Aga-
memnon, qui sciebat, quibus meritis revocaretur ad

'solium Heinsius : coleum.

^ Caesar added by Buechelet.

^sic ut vivere Hehtsius : sicuti vere.

^capides M Buecheler : capidem.

'patrono meo '^wTamwxs Buecheler : patronorura meus.

90

SATi^RICON

was dinted like a bronze bowl ; then he took a little
hammer out of his pocket and made the cup quite
sound again without any trouble. After doing this
he thought he had himself seated on the throne of
Jupiter, especially when Caesar said to him : Does
anyone else know how to blow glass like this?' Just
see what happened. He said not, and then Caesar
had him beheaded. Why ? Because if his invention
were generally' known we should treat gold like dirt.
Myself I have a great i)assion for silver. I own about 52
a hundred four-gallon cups engraved with Cassandra
killing her children, and they lying there dead in the
most lifelike way. I have a thousand jugs which Mum-
mius^ left to mj' patron, and on them you see Dae-
dalus shutting Niobe into the Trojan horse. And I
have got the fights between Hermeros and Petraites'
on my cups, and every cup is a heavy one ; for I do
not sell my connoisseurship for any money."

As he was speaking, a boj' dropped a cup. Trimal-
chio looked at liim and said. Quick, off ^vith your o-wn
head, since you are so stupid." The boy's lip fell
and he began to petition. \Miy do you ask me ? " said
Trimalchio, as if I should be hard on you ! I advise
you to prevail upon yourself not to be stupid." In
the end we induced him to let the boy off. As soon
as lie was forgiven the boy ran round the table. . . .

Then Trimalchio shouted, 'Out with water I In
with wine ! " . . . We took up the joke, especially Aga-
memnon, who knew how to earn a second invitation

* The name is suggested by the previous references to
Corinth. L. Mummius Acbaicus captured and sacked Corinth
in 146 B.C.

* Celebrated gladiators of the period. Trimalchio in c. 71
orders the fights of Petraites to be depicted on his tomb.

91

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

cenam. Ceterum laudatus Trimalchio hilarius bibit

et iam ebrio proximus "Nemo" inquit "vestrum rogat

Fortunatam meam, ut saltet? Credite mihi : cordacem

nemo melius ducit."

Atque ipse erectis supra frontem manibus Syrum

histrionem exhibebat concinente tota familia: /idSeia

Trepi/AoSeta. Et prodisset in medium, nisi Fortunata

ad aurem accessisset; [et] credo, dixerit non decere

gravitatem eius tam humiles ineptias. Nihil autem

tam inaequale erat ; nam modo Fortunatam verebatur,

modo ad naturam suam revertebatur.'^

53 Et plane interpellavit saltationis libidinem actua-

rius, qui tanquam urbis acta recitavit : VII. kalendas

sextiles: in praedio Cumano, quod est Trimalcliionis,

nati sunt pueri xxx, puellae xl; sublata in horreum

ex area tritici millia modium quingenta ; boves domiti

quingenti. Eodem die : Mitliridates servus in crucem

actus est, quia Gai nostri genio male dixerat. Eodem

die : in arcam relatum est, quod collocari non potuit,

sestertium centies. Eodem die: incendium factum

est in hortis Pompeianis, ortum ex aedibus Nastae

vilici." , Quid?" inquit Trimalchio quando mihi

Pompeiani horti empti sunt?" Anno priore" inquit

actuarius et ideo in rationem nondum venerunt."

Excanduit Trimalchio et Quicunque" inquit mihi

fundi empti fuerint, nisi intra sextum mensem sciero,

^fortunatam suam revertebatur modo ad naturam MSS.,
corrected by Heinsiits and Buecheler,

92

SATYRICON

to dinner. Trimalchio warmed to his drinking under
our flattery, and was almost drimk when he said:
None of you ask dear Fortunata to dance. I tell
you no one can dance the cancan better." He then
lifted his hands above his head and gave us the actor
Syrus, while all the slaves sang in chorus :

Madeia !
Perimadeia!*

And Trimalchio would have come out into the middle
of the room if Fortunata had not whispered in his ear.
I suppose she told him that such low fooling was
beneath his dignity. But never was anything so
variable; at one moment he was afraid of Fortunata,
and then he would return to his natural self.

But a clerk quite interrupted his passion for the 53
dance by reading as though from the gazette: "July
the 26th. Thirty boys and forty girls were bom on
Trimalchio's estate at Cumae. Five hundred thou-
sand pecks of wheat were taken up from the thresh-
ing-floor into the bam. Five hundred oxen were
broken in. On the same date: the slave Mith-
ridates was led to crucifixion for having damned
the soul of our lord Gaius. On the same date : ten
million sesterces which could not be invested were
returned to the reserve. On the same day: there
was a fire in our gardens at Pompeii, which broke out
in the house of Nasta the bailiff." "Stop," said Tri-
malchio, When did I buy any gardens at Pompeii?"
Last j^ear," said the clerk, "so that they are not
entered in your accounts yet." Trimalchio glowed
with passion, and said, I will not have any property
which is bought in my name entered in my accounts

* The meaning of these words is uncertain.

93

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

in ration es meas inferri vetuo." lam etiam edicta

aedilium recitabantur et saltuariorum testamenta, qui-

bus Trimalchio cum elogio exheredabatur ; iam nomina

vilicorum et repudiata a circitore liberta in babieatoris

contubernio deprehensa et atriensis Baias relegatus;

iam reus factus dispensator et iudicium inter cubicu-

larios actum.

Petauristarii autem tandem venerunt, Baro insul-

sissimus cum scabs constitit puerumque iussit per

gradus et in summa parte odaria saltare, circulos

deinde ardentes transibre* et dentibus amphoram sus-

tinere. Mirabatur haec solus Trimalchio dicebatque

ingratum artificium esse. Ceterum duo esse in rebus

humanis, quae libentissime spectaret, petauristarios et

cornicines;^ reliqua [animalia]"^ acroamata tricas me-

ras esse. Nam et comoedos" inquit emeram, sed

malui illos Atellaniam'* facere^ et choraulen meum

iussi Latine can tare."

54 Cum maxime haec dicente Gaio puer^ .... Tri-

malchionis delapsus est. Conclamavit familia, nee

minus convivae, non propter hominem tam putidum,

cuius et cervices fractas libenter vidissent, sed propter

malum exitum cenae, ne necesse haberent alienum

mortuum plorare. Ipse Trimalchio cum graviter in-

gemuisset superque brachium tanquam laesum incu-

buissetj concurrere medici, et inter primes Fortunata

crinibus passis cum scyphoj miseramque se atque infe-

' transilire Heinstus : transire.
'^cornicines Heinstus : cornices.

* animalia bracketed by Buecheler.
*Atellaniam Buecheler: atellam.

* Some words such as in brachium have clearly fallen out.

94

SATYRICON

unless I hear of it within six months." We now had
a further recitation of police notices, and some forest-
ers' wills, in which Trimalchio was cut out in a codicil ;
then the names of bailiffs, and of a freed-woman who
had been caught vrith a bathman and divorced
by her husband, a night watchman ; the name of a
porter who had been banished to Baiae ; the name of
a steward who was being prosecuted, and details of
an action between some valets.

But at last the acrobats came in. A very dull fool
stood there with a ladder and made a boy dance from
rung to rung and on the very top to the music of popu-
lar airs, and then made him hop through burning hoops,
and pick up a wine jar with his teeth. No one was
excited by this but Trimalchio, who kept sajing that
it was a thankless profession. There were only two
things in the world that he could watch with real
pleasure, acrobats and trumpeters; all other shows
were silly nonsense. Why," said he, "^ I once bought
a Greek comedy company, but I preferred them to do
Atellane plays,^ and I told my flute-player to have
Latin songs."

Just as Trimalchio was speaking the boy slipped 54
and fell [against his arm]. The slaves raised a cry, and
so did the guests, not over a disgusting creature whose
neck they would have been glad to see broken, but
because it would have been a gloomy finish to the
dinner to have to shed tears over the death of a per-
fect stranger. Trimalchio groaned aloud, and nursed
his arm as if it was hurt. Doctors rushed up, and
among the first Fortunata, with her hair down, and a
cup in her hand, calling out what a poor unhappy

^ Native Latin comedy as opposed to comoedia palliata,
which was translated or adapted from the Greek.

95

THUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

licem proclamavit. Nam puer quidem, qui ceciderat,
circumibat iam dudum pedes nostros et missionem
rogabat. Pessime mihi erat^ ne his precibus per ridi-
culum^ aliquid catastropha quaereretur. Nee enim
adhuc exciderat cocus ille, qui oblitus fuerat porcum
exintei'are. Itaque totum circumspicere triclinium
coepi, ne per parietem automatum aliquod exiret,
utique postquam servus verberari coepit^ qui brachiiim
domini contusum alba potius quam conchyliata invol-
verat lana. Nee longe aberravit suspicio mea; in
vicem enim poenae^ venit decretum Trimalchionis, quo
puerum iussit liberum esse, ne quis posset dicere,
tantum virum esse a servo vulneratum.^
55 HLO/H I Comprobamus nos factum | et quam in praecipiti
HLO res humanae essent, | vario semione garrimus. |

H Ita" in quit Trimalchio non oportet hunc casum
sine inscriptione transire" statimque codicillos popo-
scit et non diu cogitatione distorta haec recitavit :
HL I Quod non expectes, ex transverso fit ... .*
— et supra nos Fortuna negotia curat.

H I quare da nobis vina Falerna, puer."

HLO ab hoc epigrammate | coepit poetarum esse mentio
diuque summa carminis penes Mopsum Thracem me-
morata est donee Trimalchio Rogo " inquit magister,
quid putas inter Ciceronem et Publilium interesse?
Ego alterum puto disertiorem fuisse, alterum honesti-

orem. Quid enim his melius dici potest?

^ per ridiculum Buecheler : periculo.

'^poenae Hadrianides : cenae.

^ vulneratuni Scheffer : liberatum.

* Heinsius would supply ubique, nostra, to fill the. gap be*
tween fit and et.

SATYRICON

woman she was. The creature who had fallen down
was crawling round at our feet by this time, and
begging for mercy. I was ver}' much afraid that his
petition was leading up to some comic surprise. The
cook who had forgotten to gut the pig had not yet
faded from my recollection. So I began looking all
round the dining-room, in case any clockwork toy
should jump out of the wall, especially after they had
begun to beat a servant for dressing the bruise on his
master's arm with white wool instead of purple. And
my suspicions were not far out. Instead of punish-
ment there came Trimalchio's decree that he should
be made a free man, for fear anyone might be able
to say that our hero had been wounded by a
slave.

We applauded his action, and made small talk in 55
different phrases about the uncertainty of man's affairs.
Ah," said Trimalchio, then we should not let this
occasion slip without a record." And he called at
once for paper, and after very brief reflection de-
claimed these halting verses :

What men do not look for turns about and comes
to pass. And high over us Fortune directs our aflFairs.
Wherefore, slave, hand us Falemian wine."

A discussion of poetry arose out of this epigram, and
for a long time it was maintained that Mopsus of
Thrace held the crown of song in his hand, until Tri-
malchio said. Now, I ask 5'ou as a scholar, how would
you compare Cicero and Publilius ? ^ In my opinion
the first has more eloquence, the second more beauty.
For what could be better written than these lines?

* Publilius is Publilius Syrus, a famous writer of farce. It
is not certain whether the verses which follow are actually
by him or not.

H 97

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

(I c ■

Luxuriae rictu Martis marcent moenia.
Tuo palato clausus pavo pascitur^
plumato amictus aureo Babylonico,
gallina tibi Numidica, tibi gallus spado;
ciconia etianij grata peregrina hospita
pietaticultrix gracilipes crotalistria,
avis exul hiemis, titulus tepidi temporis,
nequitiae nidum in caccabo fecit modo. ^
Quo margarita cava tibi, bacam Indicam?^
An ut matrona ornata phaleris pelagiis
tollat pedes indomita in strato extraneo?
Zmaragdum ad quam rem viridem, pretio-

sum vitrum?
Quo Carchedonios optas ignes lapideos,
nisi ut scintillet probitas e carbunculis?*
Aequum est induere nuptam ventum textilem,
palam prostare nudam in nebula linea ? '
56 H I 'Quodautem"inquit putamus secundum litteras
difficillimum esse artificium? Ego puto medicum et
nummularium: medicus, qui scit quid homunciones
intra praecordia sua habeant et quando febris veniat,
etiam si illos odi pessime, quod mihi iubent saepe
anatinam parari; nummularius, qui per argentum aes
videt. Nam mutae bestiae laboriosissimae boves et
oves: boves, quorum beneficio panem mandueamus;
oves, quod lana illae nos gloriosos faciunt. Et facinus
indignum, aliquis ovillam est et tunicam habet. Apes
enim ego divinas bestias puto, quae mel vomunt, etiam
HL si dicuntur illud a love afferre ; | ideo autem pungunt,
quia ubicunque dulce est, ibi et acidum invenies."

^ psisc'itiir Scaliger : nascitur. ^ modo yiacoi^ ; meo.

*tibi, bacam Indicam, Heinsitis : tribaca Indica
*e cod. Bernetisis : est other MSS. carbunculis Buecheler:
carbunculus — os or— as.

98

SATYRICON

The high walls of Mars crumble beneath the gap-
ing jaws of luxury. To please thy palate the peacock
in his Babylonian vesture of gilded feathers is prisoned
and fed, for thee the guinea-fowl, and for thee the
capon. Even our beloved foreign guest the stork,
type of parental love, with thin legs and sounding
rattle, the bird exiled by ■winter, the harbinger of the
warm weather, has now built a nest in thine abhorred
cooking-pot. What are pearls of price, the fruits of
India, to thee? For thy wife to be adorned with sea-
spoils when she lies unchecked on a strange man's
bed? For what end dost thou require the green
emerald, the precious crystal, or the fire that lies in
the jewels of Carthage, save that honesty should shine
forth from amid the carbuncles? Thy bride might as
well clothe herself with a garment of the wind as stand
forth publicly naked under her clouds of muslin.'

And now," said he, what do we think is the 56
hardest profession after writing? I think a doctor's era
money-changer's. The doctor's, because he knows what
poor men have in their insides, and when a fever will
come — though I detest them specially, because they
so often order me to live on duck. The money-
changer's, because he sees the copper under the silver.
Just so among the dumb animals, oxen and sheep are
the hardest workers : the oxen, because thanks to the
oxen we have bread to eat ; the sheep, because their
wool clothes us in splendour. It is a gross outrage
when people eat lamb and wear shirts. Yes, and I
hold the bees to be the most divine insects. They
vomit honey, although people do say they bring it
from Jupiter : and they have stings, because wherever
you have a sweet thing there you will find something
bitter too."

h2 99

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
H I lam etiam philosophos de negotio deiciebat, cum
pittacia in scypho circumferri coeperuntj puerque su-
per hoc positus officium apophoreta recitavit. Argen-
tum sceleratum": allata est perna, super quam
acetabula erant posita. Cervical": ofHa collaris
allata est. Serisapia et contumelia " : xerophagi ex
sapa^ datae sunt et contus cum malo. Porri et
persica": flagellum et cultrum accepit; passeres et
muscarium": uvam passam et mel Atticum. Cena-
toria et forensia " : offlam et tabulas accepit. Canale
et pedale": lepus et solea est allata. Muraena et
littera": murem cum rana alligata fascemque betae
accepit.'^ Diu risimus: sexcenta huiusmodi fuerunt,
quae iam exciderunt memoriae meae.
57 Ceterum Ascyltos, intemperantis licentiae, cum
omnia sublatis manibus eluderet et usque ad lacrimas
rideret, unus ex conlibertis Trimalchionis excanduit^
is ipse qui supra me discumbebat^ et Quid rides "
inquit " vervex ? An tibi non placent lautitiae domini
mei? Tu enim beatior es et convivare melius soles.
Ita tutelam huius loci habeam propitiam, ut ego si
secundum ilium discumberem, iam illi balatum duxis-

* xerophagi ex sapa Friedlaender : aecrophagie saele.

• accepit added by Buecheler.

100

SATYRICON

He was just throwing the philosophers out of work,
when tickets were carried round in a cup, and a boy
who was entrusted -with this duty read aloud the
names of the presents for the guests.^ Tainted
metal " ; a ham was brought in with a vinegar bottle
on top of it. ' Something soft for the neck" ; a scrap
of neck-end was put on. Repenting at leisure and
obstinate badness" ; we were given biscuits made -with
must, and a thick stick with an apple. Leeks and
peaches"; he took a scourge and a dagger. "Spar-
rows and fly-paper" ; he picked up some dried grapes
and a honey-pot. Evening-dress and outdoor
clothes"; he handled a piece of meat and some
note-books. Canal and foot-measure " ; a hare and a
slipper were introduced. The muraena and a letter " ;
he took a mouse and a frog tied together, and a bun-
dle of beetroot. We laughed loud and long : there
were any number of these jokes, which have now
escaped my memory.

Ascyltos let himself go completely, threw up his 57
hands and made fun of everything, and laughed till
he cried. This annoj'ed one of Trimalchio's fellow-
freedmen, the man who was sitting next above me.

What are you laughing at, sheep's head?" he said.

Are our host's good things not good enough for
you ? I suppose you are richer and used to better
living? As I hope to have the spirits of this place on
my side, if I had been sitting next him I should have
put a stopper on his bleating by now. A nice young

^ Apophorela are presents for gfuests to carry away. It
was customary to hand tickets to them on which riddles con-
cealing the names of the presents were written. Trimalchio's
jokes depend upon allusions to likenesses between the words
in the riddle and the nanje of the present, and are therefore
impossible to render in English.

\01

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

sem. Bellum pomum, qui rideatur alios; larifuga
nescio quis, nocturnus, qui non valet lotium suum.
Ad summam, si circumminxero ilium, nesciet qua fu-
giat. Non mehercules soleo cito fervere, sed in moUe
carne vermes nascuntur. Ridet. Quid habet quod
rideat? Numquid pater fetum emit lamna? Eques
Romanus es: et ego regis filius. Quare ergo servi-
visti?' Quia ipse me dedi in servitutem et malui
civis Romanus esse quam tributarius. Et nunc spero
me sic vivere, ut nemini iocus sim. Homo inter homi-
nes sum, capite aperto ambulo; assem aerarium
nemini debeo; constitutum habui nunquam; nemo
mihi in foro dixit redde quod debes.' Glebulas
emi, lamellulas paravi ; viginti ventres pasco et canem ;
contubernalem meam redemi, ne quis in sinu illius
manus tergeret; mille denarios pro capite solvi; sevir
gratis factus sum ; spero, sic moriar, ut mortuus non
erubescam. Tu autem tam laboriosus es, ut post te
non respicias? In alio peduclum vides, in te ricinum
non vides. Tibi soli ridiclei videmur; ecce magister
tuus, homo maior natus : placemus illi. Tu lacticulo-
sus, nee mu nee ma argutas, vasus fictilis, immo lorus
in aqua, lentior, non melior. Tu beatior es: bis
prande, bis cena. Ego fidem meam malo quam the-
sauros. Ad summam, quisquam me bis poposcit?
Annis quadraginta servivi ; nemo tamen sciit, utrum
servus essem an liber. Et puer capillatus in hanc
coloniam veni ; adhuc basilica non erat facta. Dedi
102

SATYRICON

shaver to laugh at other people ! Some vagabond fl>
by-night not worth his salt. In fact, when I've done
with him he won't know where to take refuge. Upon
my word, I am not easily annoyed as a rule, but in
rotten flesh worms will breed. He laughs. WTiat has
he got to laugh about ? Did his father pay solid gold
for him when he was a baby ? A Roman knight, are
you? Well, I am a king's son. ' Then why have
you been a slave?' Because I went into service to
please myself, and preferred being a Roman citizen to
going on paying taxes as a provincial. And now I
hope I live such a life that no one can jeer at me. I
am a man among men; I walk about bare-headed; I
OAve nobody a brass fai-thing; I have never been in
the Courts ; no one has ever said to me in public. Pay
me what you owe me.' I have bought a few acres and
collected a little capital ; I have to feed twenty bellies
and a dog : I ransomed my fellow slave to preserve her
from indignities ; I paid a thousand silver pennies for my
own freedom ; I was made a priest of Augustus and ex-
cused the fees ; I hope to die so that I need not blush in
my grave. But are you so full of business that you have
no time to look behind you? You can see the lice on
others, but not the bugs on yourself. No one finds us
comic but you : there is your schoolmaster, older and
wiser than you : he likes us. You are a child just weaned,
you cannot squeak out mu or ma, you are a clay-pot, a
wash-leather in water, softer, not superior. If you are
richer, then have two breakfasts and two dimiers a day.
I prefer my reputation to any riches. One word more.
Who ever had to speak to me twice ? I was a slave for
forty years, and nobody knew whether I was a slave
or free. I was a boy with long curls when I came
to this place ; they had not built the to"Ti-hall then.

103

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
tamen operam, ut domino satis facerem, homini mai-
iesto^ et dignitossOj cuius pluris erat unguis^ quam tu
totus es. Et habebam in domo, qui mihi pedem op-
ponerent hac iliac; tamen — genio illius gratias —
enatavi. Haec sunt vera athla; nam [in] ingenuum
nasci tam facile est quam accede istoc' Quid nunc
stupes tanquam hircus in ervilia?"
58 Post hoc dictum Giton, qui ad pedes stabat^ risum
iam diu compressum etiam indecenter efFudit. Quod
cum animadvertisset adversarius Ascylti, flexit convi-
cium in puerum et Tu autem" inquit "etiam tu
rides, caepa cirrata?"^ lo Saturnalia, rogo, mensis
decemberest? Quandovicesimam numerasti? Nescit^
quid fiiciat, crucis offla, corvorum cibaria. Curabo,
iam tibi lovis iratus sit, et isti qui tibi non imperat.
Ita satur pane fiam, ut ego istud conliberto meo dono ;
alioquin iam tibi depraesentiarum reddidissem. Bene
nos habemus, at isti nugae/ qui tibi non imperant.
Plane qualis dominus, talis et servus. Vix me teneo, nee ^
sum natura caldicerebrius, sed^ cum coepi, matrem
meam dupundii non facio. Recte, videbo te in publi-
cum, mus, immo terrae tuber : nee sursum nee deorsum
non cresco, nisi dominum tuum in rutae folium non
conieei, nee tibi parsero, licet mehercules lovem

' maiiesto Buecheler folloiving Muncker: mali isto.

^ cirrata Reinesius : pirrata.

^ nescit supplied by Buecheler.

* nugae Buecheler : g-eiige.

^ nee yah?i: et.

^caldicerebiiusyaA».- caldus cicer eius : sed added

by Buecheler,
104.

SATYRICON

But I tried to please my master, a fine dignified
gentleman whose little finger was worth more than
your whole body. And there were people in the
house who put out a foot to trip me up here and
there. But still — God bless my master ! — I struggled
through. These are real victories : being born free is
as easy as saying. Come here.' But why do yor stare
at me now like a goat in a field of vetch?"

At this remark Giton, who was standing by my 58
feetj burst out with an unseemly laugh, which he had
now been holding in for a long Avhile. Ascyltos's
enemy noticed him, and turned his abuse on to the
boy. \Vhat," he said, are you laughing too,
you curly-headed onion ? A merry Saturnalia indeed :
what, have we December here ? When did you pay
five per cent on your freedom ? He doesn't know
what to do, the gallows-bird, the crows'-meat. I will
call down the wrath of Jupiter at once on you and the
fellow who cannot keep j'ou in order. As sure as I
get my bellyfuU, I would have given you what you
deserve now on the spot, but for my respect for my
fellow-freedman. We are getting on splendidlj', but
those fellows are fools, who don't keep you in hand.
Yes, like master, like man. I can scarcely hold my-
self in, and I am not naturally hot-tempered, but
when I once begin I do not care twopence for my own
mother. Depend upon it, I shall meet you somewhere
in public, you rat, you puff-ball. I will not grow an
inch up or down until I have put your master's head
in a nettle-bed,^ and I shall have no mercy on you, I
can tell you, however much you may call upon Jupiter
^ Cf. note, p. 57.

105

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
Olympium clames. Curabo, longe tibi sit comula ista
besalis et dominus dupunduarius. Recte, venies sub
dentem : aut ego non me novi, aut non deridebis, licet
barbam auream habeas. Athana tibi irata sit, curabo,
et qui te primus deurode ^ fecit.

Non didici geometrias, critica et alogias nenias,
sed lapidarias litteras scio, partes centum dico ad aes,
ad pondus, ad nummum. Ad summam, si quid vis,
ego et tu sponsiunculam : exi, defero lamnam.^ lam
scies patrem tuum mercedes perdidisse, quamvis et
rhetoricam scis.^ Ecce

Qui de nobis ^ longe venio, late venio? solve me.'
Dicam tibi, qui de nobis currit et de loco non move-
tur ; qui de nobis crescit et minor fit. Curris, stupes,
satagis, tanquam mus in matella. Ergo aut tace aut
meliorem noli molestare, qui te natum non putat;
nisi si me iudicas anulos buxeos curare, quos amicae
tuae involasti. Occuponem propitium. Eamus in
forum et pecunias mutuemur: iam scies hoc ferrum

' devpo St) Buecheler: deurode.

''lamnam Heinsius: lana.

' scis Reiske : scio.

* qui de nobis Buecheler: quidem vobis.

106

SATYRICON

in Olympus. Those pretty eight-inch curls and that
twopenny master of yours will be no use to you. De-
pend upon it^ you will come under the harrow; if I
know my own name you will not laugh any more,
though you may have a gold beard like a god. I will
bring dovm the wrath of Athena on you and the man
who first made a minion of you.^

" Noj I never learned geometry, and criticism, and
suchlike nonsense.^ But I know my tall letters, and I
can do any siun into pounds, shillings, and pence. In
fact, if you like, you and I will have a little bet.
Come on, I put down the metal. Now I will show
you that your father wasted the fees, even though
you are a scholar in rhetoric. Look here :

'What part of us am I? I come far, I come wide.

Now find me.'

I can tell you what part of us runs and does not

move from its place ; what grows out of us and grows

smaller.^ Ah! you run about and look scared and

hustled, like a mouse in a pot. So keep your mouth

shut, or do not worry your betters who are unaware of

your existence ; unless you think I have any respect

for the boxwood rings you stole from your young

woman. May the God of grab be on my side ! * Let

us go on 'Change and borrow money: then you will

see that my iron ring commands credit. My word, a

' Detirode is a transliteration of the Greek Sivpo 5i} " come
hither," used of a person trained to be obsequious.

* Lit. folly and nursery rhymes.

' The answer to these riddles according to Buecheler is
*• the foot, the eye, and the hair."

* Occnpo is a goblin who helps people in business, like the
Lares mentioned in c. 60.

107

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
fidem habere. Vah, bella res est volpis uda. Ita
lucrum faciam et ita bene moriar aut populus per
exitum meum iuret, nisi te ubique toga perversa fuero
persecutus. Bella res et iste, qui te haee docet, mu-
frius, non magister. Nos^ didicimus, dicebat enim
magister: Sunt vestra salva? recta domum; cave,
circumspicias ; cave, maiorem maledicas. Aut nu-
mera mapalia: nemo dupondii evadit.' Ego, quod
me sic vides, propter artificium meum diis gratias
ago."
59 Coeperat Ascyltos respondere convicio, sed Trimal-
chio delectatus coUiberti eloquentia Agite" inquit

scordalias de medio. Suaviter sit potius, et tu,
Hermeros, parce adulescentulo. Sanguen illi fervet,
HL tu melior esto. | Semper in hac re qui vincitur, vin-
H cit. I Et tu cum esses capo, cocococo, atque cor non
habebas. Simus ergo, quod melius est, a primitiis
hilares et Homeristas spectemus." Intravit factio
statim hastisque scuta concrepuit. Ipse Trimalchio
in pulvino consedit, et cum Homeristae Graecis ver-
sibus colloquerentur, ut insolenter solent, ille canora
voce Latine legebat librum. Mox silentio facto

scitis" inquit quam fabulam agant? Diomedes ei^
Ganymedes duo fratres fuerunt. Horum soror erat
Helena. Agamemnon illam rapuit et Dianae cervam
subiecit. Ita nunc Homeros dicit, quemadmodum

^ nos added by Jacobs, who read nos magis-
108

SATYRICON

draggled fox is a fine creature 1 I hope I may never get
rich and make a good end^ and have the people swear-
ing by my death, if I do not put on the black cap^ and
hunt you down everywhere. It was a fine fellow who
taught you to behave like this, too ; a chattering ape,
not a master. We had some real schooling, for the
master used to say. Are all your belongings safe ? Go
straight home, and don't stop to look round you ; and
mind you do not abuse your elders. Coimt up all the
wastrels, if you like ; not one of them is worth twopence
in the end.' Yes, I thank God for education; it
made me what I am."

Ascyltos was preparing a retort to his abuse, but 59
Trimalchio was delighted ^vith his fellow-freedman's
readiness, and said. Come now, stop all this wrang-
ling. It is nicer to go on pleasantly, please do
not be hard on the young man, Hermeros. Young
blood is hot in him; you must be indulgent. A man
who admits defeat in this kind of quarrel is always the
winner. And you, too, when you were a young
cockerel cried Cock-a-doodle-doo I and hadn't any
sense Ln your head. So let us do better, and start the
fun over again, and have a look at these reciters of
Homer." A troop came in at once and clashed
spear on shield. Trimalchio sat up on his cushion, and
when the reciters talked to each other in Greek
verse, as their conceited way is, he intoned Latin from a
book. Soon there was silence, and then he said, " You
know the story they are doing ? Diomede and Gany-
mede were two brothers. Helen was their sister. Aga-
memnon carried her off and took in Diana by sacrific-
ing a deer to her instead. So Homer is now telling

' Toga perversa : a magistrate wore his toga reversed
when he had to pronounce a capital sentence.

109

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

inter se pugnent Troiani et Parentini. Vicit scilicet
et Iphigeniam, filiam suam, Achilli dedit uxorem.
Ob earn rem Aiax insanit et statim argumentum ex-
plicabit." Haec ut dixit Trimalchio, clamorem
Homeristae sustulerunt, interque familiam discur-
rentem vitulus in lance donaria^ elixus allatus est^ et
quidem galeatus. Secutus est Aiax strictoque gladio,
tanquam insaniret, concidit, ac modo versa modo supina
gesticulatus mucrone frusta collegit mirantibusque
vitulum partitus est.
60 Nee diu mirari licuit tarn elegantes strophas; nam
repente lacunaria sonare coeperunt totumque tricli-
nium intremuit. Consternatus ego exsurrexi et timui,
ne per tectum petauristarius aliquis descenderet. Nee
minus reliqui convivae mirantes erexere vultus^ expe-
ctantes quid novi de caelo nuntiaretur. Ecce autem
diductis lacunaribus subito circulus ingens, de cupa
videlicet grandi excussus, demittitur^ cuius per totum
orbem coronae aureae cum alabastris unguenti pende-
bant. Dum haec apophoreta iubemur sumere, respi-
ciens ad mensam . . ,

iam illic repositorium cum placentis aliquot erat posi-
tum^ quod medium Priapus a pistore factus tenebat,
gremioque satis amplo omnis generis poma et uvas
sustinebat more vulgato. Avidius ad pompam manus
porreximuSj et repente nova ludorum remissio hilari-
tatem hie refecit. Omnes enim placentae onmiaque
poma etiam minima vexatione contacta coeperunt
efFundere crocum^ et usque ad os' molestus umor ac-

^ donaria Buecheler: dunaria.
*os Buecheler: nos.
110

SATYRICON

the tale of the war betM'een Troy and Parentium. ^ Of
course he won and married his daughter Iphigenia to
Achilles. That drove Ajax mad, and he ^vill show you
the story in a minute." As he spoke the heroes raised a
shout, and the slaves stood back to let a boiled calf on a
presentation dish be brought in. There was a helmet
on its head. Ajax followed and attacked it with his
sword drawn as if he were mad; and after making
passes with the edge and the flat he collected slices
on the point, and divided the calf among the astonished
company.

We were not given long to admire these elegant 60
tours de force ; suddenlj- there came a noise from the
ceiling, and the whole dining-room trembled. I rose
from my place in a panic : I Avas afraid some acrobat
would come dowTi through the roof. All the other guests
too looked up astonished, wondering what the new
portent from heaven was announced. The whole ceil-
ing parted asunder, and an enormous hoop, apparently
knocked out of a giant cask, was let down. All round
it were hung golden crowns and alabaster boxes of
perfumes. We were asked to take these presents for
ourselves, when I looked back at the table. . . .
A dish \Nith some cakes on it had now been put there,
a Priapus made by the confectioner standing in the
middle, holding up every kind of fruit and grapes in
his wide apron in the conventional style. We reached
greedily after his treasures, and a sudden fresh turn
of humour renewed our merriment. All the cakes and
all the fruits, however lightly they were touched,
began to spurt out saffron, and the nasty juice flew

^Parentium is a town in Istria; Trimalchio has no reason
but ignorance for selecting it as the enemy of Troy.

Ill

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

cidere. Rati ergo sacrum esse fericulum tam religioso
apparatu perfusum, consurreximus altius et Augusto,
patri patriae, feliciter" diximus. Quibusdam tamen
etiam post hanc venerationem poma rapientibus et
ipsi^ mappas implevimus, ego praecipue, qui'nullo sa-
tis amplo munere putabam me onerare Gitonis sinum.

Inter haec tres pueri Candidas succincti tunicas in-
traverunt, quorum duo Lares bullatos super mensam
posuerunt, unus pateram vini circumferens dii pro-
pi tii" clamabat.

Aiebat autem unum Cerdonem, alterum Felicionem,
tertium Lucrionem^ vocari. Nos etiam veram imagi-
nem ipsius Trimalchionis, cum iam omnes basiarent,
erubuimus praeterire.
61 Postquam ergo omnes bonam mentem bonamque
valitudinem sibi optarunt, Trimalchio ad Nicerotem
respexit et solebas" inquit suavius esse in convictu ;
nescio quid nunc taces nee muttis. Oro te, sic felicem
me videas, narra illud quod tibi usu venit." Niceros
delectatus affabilitate amici omne me " inquit lucrum
transeat, nisi iam dudum gaudimonio dissilio, quod te
talem video. Itaque hilaria mera sint, etsi timeo istos
scholasticoSj ne me rideant. Viderint : narrabo tamen :
quid enim mihi aufert^ qui ridet? Satius est rideri
quam derideri." 'Haec ubi dicta dedit/' talem fabu-
1am exorsus est:

" Cum adhuc servirem, habitabamus in vico angusto ;
nunc Gavillae domus est. Ibi^ quomodo dii volunt,
amare coepi uxorem Terentii coponis: noveratis Me-

^ ipsi Heinsius : ipsas.

^ Lucrionem Seinesius: lucronem.

112

SATYRICON

even into our mouths. We thought it must be a
sacred dish that was anointed with such holy appoint-
ments, and we all stood straight up and cried. The
gods bless Augustus, the father of his country." But
as some people even after this solemnity snatched at
the fruit, we filled our napkins too, myself especially,
for I thought that I could never fill Giton's lap ■with
a large enough present. Meanwhile three boys came
in with their white tunics well tucked up, and two of
them put images of the Lares with lockets round their
necks on the table, while one carried round a bowl ot
wine and cried, God be gracious unto us."

Trimalchio said that one of the images was called
Gain, another Luck, and the third Profit. And as
everybody else kissed Trimalchio's true portrait we
were ashamed to pass it by.

So after they had all wished themselves good sense 6l
and good health, Trimalchio looked at Niceros and
said. You used to be better company at a dinner; I
do not know why you are dumb now, and do not utter
a sound. Do please, to make me happy, tell us of
your adventure." Niceros was dehghted by his friend's
amiability and said. May I never turn another penny
if I am not ready to burst with joy at seeing you in
such a good humour. Well, it shall be pure fun then,
though I am afraid your clever friends will laugh at
me. Still, let them ; I will tell my story ; what harm
does a man's laugh do me? Being laughed at is more
satisfactorj- than being sneered at." So spake the
hero,^ and began the following story;

While I was still a slave, we were living in a
narrow street; the house now belongs to Ga\illa.
There it was God's will that I should fall in love with
^ See Virgil, ^neid ii, 790-

113

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
lissam Tarentinam, pulcherrimum bacciballum, Sed
ego non mehercules corporaliter illam^ aut propter
res venerias curavi, sed magis quod benemoria^ fuit.
Si quid ab ilia petii, nunquam mihi negatum; fecit
assenij semissem habui ; quicquid habui, in illius sinum
demandavi, nee unquam fefellitus sum. Huius con-
tubernalis ad villam supremum diem obiit. Itaque
per scutum per ocream egi aginavi, quemadmodum ad
illam pervenirem: scitis autem, in angustiis amici
62 apparent. Forte dominus Capuam exierat ad scruta
scita expedienda. Nactus ego occasionem persuadeo
hospitem nostrum, ut mecum ad quintum miliarium
veniat. Erat autem miles, fortis tanquam Orcus.
Apoculamus nos circa gallicinia, luna lucebat tanquam
meridie. Venimus intra monimenta: homo meus
coepit ad stelas facere, sedeo^ ego cantabundus et
stelas numero. Deinde ut respexi ad comitem, ille
exuit se et omnia vestimenta secundum viam posuit.
Mihi anima* in naso esse, stabam tanquam mortuus.
At ille circumminxit vestimenta sua, et subito lupus
factus est. Nolite me iocari putare; ut mentiar,
nullius patrimonium tanti facio. Sed, quod coeperam
dicere, postquam lupus factus est, ululare coepit et in
silvas fugit. Ego primitus nesciebam ubi essem,
deinde accessi, ut vestimenta eius tollerem : ilia autem
lapidea facta sunt. Qui mori timore nisi ego ? Gladium
tamen strinxi et in tota via^ umbras cecidi, donee ad

' illam Buecheler: autem.

'^benemoria Orelli: bene moriar.

* sedeo Schemer; sed.

*anima Muncker: in animo.

' in tota via Scheffer: matavita tau.

114

SATi^ EICON

the wife of Terentius the inn-keeper ; you remember
her, Melissa of Tarentum, a pretty round thing. But
I swear it was no base passion ; I did not care about
her in that way, but rather because she had a beauti-
ful nature. If I asked her for anj-thing it was never
refused me ; if she made twopence I had a penny ;
whatever I had I put into her pocket, and I was never
taken in. Now one day her husband died on the
estate.^ So I buckled on my shield and greaves, and
schemed how to come at her: and as you know,
one's friends turn up in tight places. My master
happened to have gone to Capua to look after some
silly business^ or other. I seized my opportunity, and 62
persuaded a guest in our house to come with me as
far as the fifth milestone. He was a soldier, and
as brave as Hell. So we trotted off about cock-
crow ; the moon shone like high noon. We got among
the tombstones^: my man went aside to look a\ the
epitaphs, I sat down with my heart full of song and
began to count the graves. Then when I looked
round at my friend, he stripped himself and put all
his clothes by the roadside. My heart was in my mouth,
but I stood like a dead man. He made a ring of water
round his clothes and suddenly turned into a wolf.
Please do not think I am joking; I would not lie
about this for any fortune in the world. But as I was
sajring, after he had turned into a wolf, he began to
howl, and ran off into the woods. At first I hardly
knew where I was, then I went up to take his clothes ;
but they had all turned into stone. No one could be
nearer dead ^Wth terror than I was. But I drew my
sword and went slaying shadows all the way till I

'Terentius was a slave managing- the tavern for his master.
*Lit., elegant trash. ' They would be by the roadside.
i2 115

/ITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

villam amicae meae pervenirem. Ut larua^ intravi,
paene animam ebullivi, sudor mihi per bifurcum vola-
bat, oculi mortuij vix unquam refectus sum. Melissa
mea mirari coepitj quod tam sero ambularem, et Si
ante ' inquit venisses, saltern nobis adiutasses ; lupus
enim villam intravit et omnia pecora perculit, tanquam
lanius sanguinem illis misit. Nee tamen density etiam
si fugit; servus enim noster lancea collum eius traie-
cit.' Haec ut audivi, operire oculos amplius non
potui, sed luce clara Gai nostri domum fugi tanquam
copo compilatus, et postquam veni in ilium locum, in
quo lapidea vestimenta erant facta, nihil inveni nisi
sanguinem. Ut vero domum veni, iacebat miles meus
in lecto tanquam bovis, et collum illius medicus cura-
bat. Intellexi ilium versipellem esse, nee postea
cum illo panem gustare potui, non si me occidisses.
Viderint alii quid de hoc exopinissent ; ego si mentior,
genios vestros iratos habeam."
63 Attonitis admiratione universis Salvo" inquit tuo
sermone" Trimalchio ' si qua fides est, ut mihi pili
inhorruerunt, quia scio Niceronem nihil nugarum nar-
rare : immo certus est et minime linguosus. Nam et
ipse vobis rem horribilem narrabo: asinus in tegulis.
Cum adhuc capillatus essem, nam a puero vitam Chiam
gessi, ipsimi nostri^ delicatus decessit, mehercules
margaritum, zacritus^ et omnium numerum. Cum
ergo ilium mater misella plangeret et nos tum plures
in tristimonio essemus, subito strigae stridere* coepe-

^ ut larua Buecheler: in larvam.
'■' ipsimi nostri Buecheler; ipim mostri.

^zacritus Roensch; caccitus. A Latin rendering of the
Greek Si&Kpno's, excellent. Cf. notes on c. 37.
* stridere added by Jacobs.

116

SATYRICON

came to my love's house. I went in like a corpse,
and nearly gave up the ghost, the sweat ran down
my legs, my eyes were dull, I could hardly be revived.
My dear Melissa was surprised at my being out so late,
and said. If you had come earlier you might at least
have helped us ; a wolf got into the house and worried
all our sheep, and let their blood like a butcher. But
he did not make fools of us, even though he got off;
for our slave made a hole in his neck with a spear.'
When I heard this, I could not keep my eyes shut any
longer, but at break of day I rushed back to my master
Gaius's house like a defrauded publican, and when I
came to the place where the clothes were turned into
stone, I found nothing but a pool of blood. But when
I reached home, my soldier was lying in bed like an ox,
with a doctor looking after his neck. I realized that
he was a werewolf, and I never could sit down to a
meal with him after^vards, not if you had killed me
first. Other people may think what they Hke about
this ; but may all jour guardian angels punish me if I
am lying."

We were all dumb with astonishment, but Trimal- 63
chio said, I pick no holes in your story; by the soul
of truth, how my hair stood on end ! For I know that
Niceros never talks nonsense : he is very dependable,
and not at all a chatterbox. Now I want to tell you
a tale of horror myself: but I'm a donkey on the tiles
compared with him. While I still had hair down my
back, for I lived delicately^ from my youth up, my
master's favourite died. Oh! he was a pearl, one in
a thousand, and a mirror of perfection ! So while his
poor mother was bewailing him, and several of us were

'Literally "a Chian life,'' i.e. luxurious and vicious.
Thucydides calls the Cbians shameless.

117

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

runt; putares canem leporem persequi. Plabelimus
tunc hominem Cappadocem, longum, valde audaculum
et qui valebat : poterat bovem ^ iratum toUere. Hie au-
dacter stricto gladio extra ostium procucurrit, involuta
sinistra manu curiose, et niulierem tanquam hoc loco
— salvum sitj quod tango — mediam traiecit. Audimus
gemitum, et — plane non mentiar — ipsas non vidimus.
Baro autem noster introversus se proiecit in lectum,
et corpus totum lividum habebat quasi flagellis caesus,
quia scilicet ilium tetigerat mala manus. Nos cluso
ostio redimus iterum ad officium, sed dum mater am-
plexaret corpus filii sui, tangit et videt manuciolum de
stramentis factum. Non cor liabebat, non intestina,
non quicquam: scilicet iam puerum strigae involave-
rant et supposuerant stramenticium vavatonem. Rogo
vos, oportet credatis, sunt mulieres plussciae^ sunt
nocturnae, et quod sursum est, deorsum faciunt.
Ceterum baro ille longus post hoc factum nunquam
coloris sui fuit, immo post paucos dies phreneticus
periit."
64 Miramur nos et pariter credimus, osculatique men-
sem rogamus nocturnas, ut suis se teneant, dum
redimus a cena.

Et sane iam lucernae mihi plures videbantur ardere
totumque triclinium esse mutatum, cum Trimalchio
"tibi dico" inquit Plocame, nihil narras? Nihil nos
delectaris? Et solebas suavius esse, canturire belle
deverbia, adicere melicam. Heu heu, abistis dulcis
caricae." Iam" inquit ille quadrigae meae decu-
' bovem Reiske : Jovera.
118

SATYRICON

sharing her sorrow, suddenly the witches began to
screech ; you would have thought there was a dog pur-
suing a hare. We had a Cappadocian in the house at the
time, a tall fellow, mighty brave and a man of muscle ;
he could lift an angry bull off the ground. He rushed
boldly out of doors with a naked sword, having carefully
wrapped up his left hand, and ran the woman through
the middle, just about here — ma}' the spot my finger is
on be safe I We heard a groan, but to tell the honest
truth we did not see the -witches themselves. But
our big fellow came back and threw himself on a bed :
and his whole body was blue as if he had been flogged,
of course because the witch's hand had touched him.
We shut the door and returned to our observances, but
when the mother put her arms round the body of her
son, she felt it and saw that it was a little bundle of
straw. It had no heart, no inside or anjthing: of
course the witches had carried off the boy and put a
straw changeling in his place. Ah ! yes, I would beg
you to believe there are wise women, and night-riders,
who can turn the whole world upside down. Well, the
tall slave never came back to his proper colour after this
affair, and died raving mad in a few days."

We were full of wonder and faith, and we kissed 64
the table and prayed the Night-riders to stay at home
as we returned from dinner.

By this time, I own, the lamps were multipljing
before my eyes, and the whole dining-room was alter-
ing; then Trimalchio said. Come you, Plocamus,
have you got no story? Will you not entertain us?
You used to be more pleasant company, and recite
blank verse very prettily, and put in songs too. Dear,
dear, all the sweet green figs are fallen!" Ah, yes,"
the man repUed, my galloping days are over since I

119

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

currerunt, ex quo podagi'icus factus sum. Alioquin
cum essem adulescentulus, cantando paene tisicus fa-
ctus sum. Quid saltare ? Quid deverbia ? Quid ton-
strinum ? Quando parem habui nisi unum Apelletem?"
Appositaque ad os manu nescio quid taetrum exsibila-
vit, quod postea Graecum esse affirmabat.

Nee non Trimalchio ipse cum tubicines esset imita-
tus, ad delicias suas respexit, quem Croesum appellabat.
Puer autem lippus, sordidissimis dentibus, catellam
nigram atque indecenter pinguem prasina involvebat
fascia panemque semissem ponebat super torum atque
[hac] nausea recusantem saginabat. Quo admonitus
officii Trimalchio Scylacem iussit adduci praesidium
domus familiaeque." Nee mora, ingentis formae ad-
ductus est canis catena vinctus, admonitusque ostiarii
calce, ut cubaret, ante mensam se posuit. Tum Tri-
malchio iactans candidum panem nemo" inquit in
domo mea me plus amat." Indignatus puer, quod
Scylacem tam effuse laudaret, catellam in terram de-
posuit hortatusque est, ut ad rixam properaret. Scy-
lax, canino scilicet usus ingenio, taeterrimo latratu
triclinium implevit Margaritamque Croesi paene lace-
ravit. Nee intra rixam tumultus constitit, sed candela-
brum etiam super mensam eversum et vasa omnia
crystallina comminuit et oleo ferventi aliquot convivas
respersit. Trimalchio ne videretur iactura motus, ba-
siavit puerum ac iussit super dorsum ascendere suum.
Non moratus ille usus est equo manuque plena scapu-
las eius subinde verberavit, interque risum proclamavit:
120

SATYRICON

was taken \i-ith the gout. In the days when I was a
young fellow I nearly got consumption with singing.
How I could dance and recite and imitate the talk in
a barber's shop! Was there ever my equal, except
the one and only Apelles ?" And he put his hand to
his mouth and whistled out some offensive stuff I did
not catch : he declared afterwards it was Greek.

Then TrimalchiOj after imitating a man with a trum-
pet, looked round for his favourite, whom he called
Croesus. The creature had blear eyes and very bad teeth,
and was tying up an unnaturally obese black puppy in a
green handkerchief, and then putting a broken piece of
bread on a chair, and cramming it down the throat of the
dog, who did not want it and was sick. This reminded
Trimalchio of his duties, and he ordered them to bring
in Scylax, ' the guardian of the house and the slaves."
An enormous dog on a chain was at once led in, and
on receiving a kick from the porter as a hint to lie
down, he curled up in front of the table. Then Tri-
malchio threw him a bit of white bread and said.
No one in the house loves me better than Scylax."
The favourite took offence at his lavish praise of the
dog, and put down the puppy, and encouraged him
to attack Scj'lax. Scylax, after the manner of dogs,
filled the dining-room with a most hideous barking,
and nearly tore Croesus's httle Pearl to pieces. And
the uproar did not end with a dog-fight, for a
lamp upset over the table, and broke all the glass
to pieces, and sprinkled some of the guests ■\\'ith hot
oil. Trimalchio did not want to seem hurt at his loss,
so he kissed his favourite, and told him to jump on
his back. He mounted his horse at once and went
on smacking Trimalchio's shoulders with his open

JO»

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
Bucca, bucca, quot sunt hie?" repressus ergo ali-
quamdiu Trimalchio camellam grandem iussit misceri
. . . potiones dividi omnibus servis, qui ad pedes sede-
bant, adiecta exceptione: Si quis" inquit noluerit
accipere, caput illi perfunde. Interdiu severa, nunc
hilaria."
65 Hanc humanitatem insecutae sunt matteae, quarum
etiam recordatio me, si qua est dicenti fides, ofFendit.
Singulae enim gallinae altiles pro turdis circumlatae
sunt et ova anserina pilleata, quae ut comessemus,
ambitiosissime a nobis Trimalchio petiit dicens exossa-
tas esse gallinas. Inter haec triclinii valvas liclor
percussit, amictusque veste alba cum ingenti frequen-
tia comissator intravit. Ego maiestate conterritus
praetorem putabam venisse. Itaque temptavi assur-
gere et nudos pedes in terram deferre. Risit hanc
trepidation em Agamemnon et Con tine te" inquit
homo stultissime. Habinnas sevir est idemque lapi-
darius, qui videtur^ monumenta optime facere."

Recreatus hoc sermone reposui cubitum, Habin-
namque intrantem cumadmiratione ingenti spectabam.
I lie autem iam ebrius uxoris suae umeris imposuerat
manus, oneratusque aliquot coronis et unguento per
frontem in oculos fluente praetorio loco se posuit con-

' videtur Scheffer: videretur.
122

SATiRlCON

hand, saying, " How many are we, blind man's cheek? "^
After some time Trimalchio calmed himself, and or-
dered a great bowl of wine to be mixed, and drinks
to be served round to all the slaves, who were sitting
at our feet, adding this provision : If anyone refuses
to take it, pour it over his head ; business in the day-
time and pleasure at night."

After this display of kindness, some savouries were
brought in, the memory of which, as sure as I tell you
this story, still makes me shudder. For instead of a
tlirush a fat chicken was brought round to each of us,
and goose-eggs in caps, which Trimalchio kept
asking us to eat with the utmost insistence, saying
that they were chickens without the bones. Mean-
while a priest's attendant" knocked at the dining-
room door, and a man dressed in white for some
festivity came in with a number of others. I was
frightened by his solemn looks, and thought the
mayor had arrived. So I tried to get up and plant
my bare feet on the ground. Agamemnon laughed
at my anxiety and said, Control yourself, you silly
fool ! It is Habinnas of the priests' college, a monu-
mental mason with a reputation for making first-class
tombstones." I was relieved by this news, and
lay down in my place again, and watched Habinnas'
entrance with great astonishment. He was quite
drunk, and had put his hands on his wife's shoulders;
he had several wreaths on, and ointment was running
down his forehead into his eyes. He sat down in the

^ Bucca was a child's game (Hoodman Blind in English)
where one child was blindfolded and the others touched him
on the cheek, and asked him bow many fingers, or bow many
children, bad touched him.

^ The attendant on a Sevir Augusti. See note, p. 43.

123

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

tinuoque vinum et caldam poposcit. Delectatus hac
Trimalchio hilaritate et ipse capaciorem poposcit
scyphum quaesivitque, quomodo acceptus asset.
Omnia" inquit habuimus praeter te; oculi enim
mei hie erant. Et mehercules bene fuit. Scissa lau-
tum novendiale servo sue misello faciebat, quem
mortuum manii miserat. Et puto^ cum vicensimariis
magnam mantissam habet ; quinquaginta enim milli-
bus aestimant mortuum. Sed tamen suaviter fuit,
66 etiam si coacti sumus dimidias potiones super ossucula
eius efFundere." Tamen" inquit Trimalchio quid
habuistis in cena ? " Dicam" inquit si potuero ; nam
tam bonae memoriae sum, ut frequenter nomen meum
obhviscar. Habuimus tamen in primo porcum poculo
coronatum et circa saviunculum^ et gizeria optime
facta et certe betam et panem autopyrum de suo sibi,
quem ego malo quam candidum ; et vires facit, et cum
mea re [causa] ^ facio, non ploro. Sequens ferculum
fuit scribHta frigida et super mel caldum infusum ex-
cellente Hispanum. Itaque de scriblita quidem non
minimum edi, de melle me usque tetigi. Circa cicer
et lupinum, calvae arbitratu et mala singula. Ego
tamen duo sustuli et ecce in mappa alligata habeo;
nam si aliquid muneris meo vernulae non tulero, ha-
bebo convicium. Bene me admonet domina mea. In
prospectu habuimus ursinae frustum, de quo cum im-
prudens Scintilla gustasset, paene intestina sua vomu-

' saviunculum Hildehrand : saucunculum.
"^ causa bracketed by Buecheler.

124

SATYRICON

chief magistrate's place,^ and at once called for wine
and hot water. Trimalchio was delighted at his good
humour, and demanded a larger cup for himself, and
asked him how he had been received. We had
everj'thing there except you," was the reply, for my
eyes were here with you. Yes, it was really splendid.
Scissa was ha\ing a funeral feast on the ninth day for
her poor dear slave, whom she set free on his death-
bed. And I believe she vriW have an enormous sum
to pay the tax-collector, for they reckon that the
dead man was worth fifty thousand.'^ But anyhow
it was a pleasant affair, even if we did have to pour
half our drinks over his lamented bones." Ah," 66
said Trimalchio, but what did you have for dinner?"
I will tell you if I can," he said, but my memory
is in such a fine way that I often forget my own name.
Well, first we had a pig crowned with a A^ne-cup, gar-
nished with honey cakes, and liver very well done,
and beetroot of course, and pure wholemeal bread,
which I prefer to white myself; it puts strength into
3'ou, and is good for the bowels. The next dish was
a cold tart, with excellent Spanish wine poured over
warm honey. Indeed I ate a lot of the tart, and
gave myself such a soaking of honey. Pease and
lupines were handed, a choice of nuts and an apple
each. I took two myself, and I have got them here
tied up in my napkin: for if I do not bring some
present back for my pet slave-boy there will be
trouble. Oh ! yes, my wife reminds me. There was
a piece of bear on a side dish. Scintilla was rash

' The lowest seat on the middle couch, usually called the
consul's seat, but here the highest official present took it.

* She would pay a tax of 5 per cent, i.e. 2,500 sesterces, on
his value.

125

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITEk
it ; ego contra plus libram comedi, nam ipsum aprum
sapiebat. Et si, inquam, ursus homuncionem comest
quanto magis homuncio debet ursum comesse? In
summo habuimus caseum moll em ex sapa et coeleas
singulas et cordae frusta et hepatia in catillis et ova
pilleata et rapam et senape et catillum concacatum,
pax Palamedes. Etiam in alveo circumlata sunt oxy-
comina, unde quidam etiam improbe ternos pugnos ^
sustulerunt. Nam pernae missionem dedimus. Sed
67 narra mihi, Gai, rogo, Fortunata quare non recumbit ?"
* Quomodo nosti" inquit illam" Trimalchio nisi
argentum composuerit, nisi reliquias pueris diviserit,
aquam in os suum non coniciet." Atqui" respondit
Habinnas nisi ilia discumbit, ego me apoculo" et
coeperat surgere, nisi signo dato Fortunata quater
amplius a tota familia esset vocata. Venit ergo galbino
succincta eingillo, ita ut infra cerasina appareret tu-
nica et periscelides tortae phaecasiaeque inauratae.
Tunc sudario manus tergens, quod in collo habebat,
applicat se illi toro, in quo Scintilla Habinnae dis-
cumbebat uxor, osculataque plaudentem est te"
inquit videre?"

Eo deinde perventura est, ut Fortunata armillas
suas crassissimis detraheret lacertis Scintillaeque
miranti ostenderet. Ultimo etiam periscelides resolvit

■ improbiter nos pugno corrected by Buecheler.
126

SATYRICON

enough to taste it^ and nearly brought up her own
inside. I ate over a pound myself, for it tasted like
proper wild boar. What I say is this, since bears eat
up us poor men, how much better right has a poor
man to eat up a bear ? To finish up with we had cheese
mellowed in new wine, and snails all round, and pieces
of tripe, and liver in little dishes, and eggs in caps, and
turnip, and mustard, and a dish of forcemeat. But
hold hard, Palamedes.^ Pickled olives were brought
round in a dish too, and some greedy creatxu-es took
three handfuls. For we had let the ham go. But 67
tell me, Gaius, why is Fortunata not at dinner?"

Do you not know her better?" said Trimalchio.

Until she has collected the silver, and divided the
remains among the slaves, she will not let a drop ol
water pass her lips." Oh," replied Habinnas, but
unless she is here I shall take myself off," and he was
just getting up, when at a given signal all the slaves
called Fortunata" four times and more. So she
came in with a high yellow waist-band on, which al-
lowed a cherry-red bodice to appear under it, and
twisted anklets, and white shoes embroidered with
gold. She wiped her hands on a cloth which she had
round her neck, took her place on the sofa, where
Scintilla, Habinnas' s wife, was lying, kissed her as she
was clapping her hands, and said, ' Is it really you,
dear?"

Fortunata then went so far as to take the bracelets
off her fat arms to exhibit them to Scintilla's admir-
ing gaze. At last she even took off her anklets

' Pax is an exclamation unconnected with the noun paxy
"peace." The meaning of its conjunction with the word
Palamedes is unknown : it may be merely due to the charm
of alliteration.

127

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

et reticulum aureum, quern ex obrussa esse dicebat.
Notavit haec Trimalchio iussitque afferri omnia et

Videtis" inquit mulieris compedes: sicnos barcalae
despoliamur. Sex pondo et selibram debet habere.
Et ipse nihilo minus habeo decem pondo armillam ex
millesimis Mercurii factam." Ultimo etiam, ne mentiri
videretur, stateram iussit afFerri et circumlatum ap-
probari pondus. Nee melior Scintilla, quae de cervice
sua capsellam detraxit aureolam, quam Felicionem
appellabat. Inde duo crotalia protulit et Fortunatae
in vicem consideranda dedit et Domini" inquit mei
beneficio nemo habet meliora." Quid?" inquit Ha-
binnas excatarissasti me, ut tibi emerem fabam vi-
tream. Plane si filiam haberem, auriculas illi praeci-
derem. Mulieres si non essent, omnia pro luto habe-
remus; nunc hoe est caldum meiere et frigidum
potare."

Interim mulieres sauciae inter se risenint ebriaeque
iunxerunt oscula, dum altera diligentiam matris
familiae iactat, altera delicias et indiligentiam viri.
Dumque sic cohaerent, Habinnas furtim consurrexit
pedesque Fortunatae correptos super lectum immisit.

Au au" ilia proclamavit aberrante tunica super
genua. Composita ergo in gremio Scintillae incensissi-
mam^ rubore faciem sudario abscondit.
68 Interposito deinde spatio cum secundas mensas
Trimalchio iussisset afFerri, sustulerunt servi omnes
mensas et alias attulerunt, scobemque croco et minio
tinctam sparserunt et, quod nunquam ante videram,

' incensissimam Reinesius; indecens imam.
128

SATYRICON

and her hair-net, which she said was eighteen carat.
Trimalchio saw her, and ordered the whole lot to be
brought to him. There," he said, are a woman's
fetters ; that is how we poor fools^ are plundered. She
must have six pounds and a half of gold on her. I
have got a bracelet myself, made out of the per-
centage which I owe to Mercury, that weighs not an
ounce under ten pounds." At last, for fear we should
think he was lying, he ordered the scales to be brought,
and had the weight carried round and tested. Scintilla
was just as bad. She took off a little gold box from
her neck, which she called her lucky box. Then she
brought out two earrings, and gave them to Fortunata
to look at in her turn, and said. Thanks to my hus-
band's kindness, nobody has finer ones." WTiat?"
said Habinnas, you bullied me to buy you a glass
bean. I declare if I had a daughter I would cut oft
her ears. If there were no women^ we should never
trouble about anything: as it is, we sweat for them
and get cold thanks."

Meanwhile the tipsy wives laughed together, and
gave each other drunken kisses, one prating of her
prudence as a housewife, the other of the favourites
of her husband and his inattention to her. \Miile they
were hobnobbing, Habinnas got up quietly, took For-
tunata by the legs, and threw her over on the sofa.
She shouted out. Oh I goodness ! " and her dress flew
up over her knees. She took refuge in Scintilla's arms,
and buried her burning red face in a napkin.

After an interval, Trimalchio ordered fresh relays 68

of food to be brought in. The slaves took away all the

tables, brought in others, and sprinkled about sawdust

coloured with saffron and vermilion, and, what I had

^Barcala is akin to bardus and barOy meaning' ' ' a blockhead."

K 129

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

ex lapide speculari pulverem tritum. Statim Trimal-
chio poteram quidem" inquit "hoc fericulo esse
contentus; secundas enim mensas habetis. Sed si
quid belli habes, affer."

Interim puer Alexandrinus, qui caldam ministrabat,

luscinias coepit imitari clamante Trimalchione subinde :

Muta." Ecce alius ludus. Servus qui ad pedes Ha-

binnae sedebat, iussus, credo, a domino suo proclama-

vit subito canora voce :

Interea medium Aeneas iam classe tenebat."
Nullus sonus unquam acidior percussit aures meas;
nam praeter errantis barbariae aut adiectum aut de-
minutum clamorem miscebat Atellanicos versus, ut
tunc primum me etiam Vergilius ofFenderit. Plausum ^
tamen, cum aliquando desisset/ adiecit Habinnas et
nunquam"^ inquit didicit, sed ego ad circulatores
eum mittendo erudibam.* Itaque parem non habet,
sive muliones volet sive circulatores imitari. Despe-
ratum^ valde ingeniosus est: idem sutor est, idem
cocus idem pistor, omnis musae mancipium. Duo
tamen vitia habet, quae si non haberet, esset omnium
numerum : recutitus est et stertit. Nam quod stra-
bonus est, non euro : sicut Venus spectat. Ideo nihil
69 tacet, vix oculo mortuo unquam. Ilium emi trecentis
denariis." Interpellavit loquentem Scintilla et plane "
inquit non omnia artificia servi nequam narras.
Agaga est; at curabo, stigmam habeat." Risit Tri-
malchio et adcognosco" inquit Cappadocem: nihil

' plausum Buecheler: lassus.

* desisset Scheffer: dedisset.

'nunquam inquit Buecheler: nunquid.

*erudibamyhAM/ audibant.

' desperatum Buecheler; desperatus.

ISO

SATYRICON

never seen before, powdered tale. Trimalchio at once
said, I might really be satisfied with this course ; for
you have got j'our fresh relays. But if there is any-
thing nice, put it on."

Meanwhile a boy from Alexandria, who was handing
hot water, began to imitate a nightingale, and made
Trimalchio shout, ' Oh ! change the tune." Then there
was another joke. A slave, who was sitting at the feet
of Habinnas, began, by his master's orders I suppose,
suddenly to crj' in a loud voice :

Now A\ith his fleet Aeneas held the main."*
No sharper sound ever pierced my ears ; for besides his
making barbarous mistakes in raising or lowering his
voice, he mixed up Atellane verses^ with it, so that
Virgil jarred on me for the first time in my life. All
the same, Habinnas supplied applause when he had
at last left off, and said. He never went to school,
but I educated him by sending him round the hawkers
in the market. So he has no equal when he wants to
imitate mule-drivers or hawkers. He is terribly clever;
he is a cobbler too, a cook, a confectioner, a slave
of all the talents. He has only two faults, and if he
were rid of them he would be simply perfect. He is
a Jew and he snores. For I do not mind his being
cross-eyed ; he has a look like Venus. So that is why
he cannot keep silent, and scarcely ever shuts his
eyes. I bought him for three hundred denarii."
Scintilla interrupted his story by saying, To be sure 69
you have forgotten some of the tricks of the vile slave.
He is a Don Juan; but I will see to it that he is
branded." Trimalchio laughed and said, "Oh! I
perceive he is a Cappadocian ; he does not deny himself,
' See Virgil, ^neid V, i,
'Comic verse; probably improper. See note, p. 95.

k2 131

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

sibi defraudit, et mehercules laudo ilium; hoc enim
nemo parentat. Tu autem, Scintilla, noli zelotypa
esse. Crede mihi, et vos novimus. Sic me salvum
habeatis, ut ego sic solebam ipsumam meam debat-
tuere, ut etiam dominus suspicaretur ; et ideo me in
vilicationem relegavit. Sed tace, lingua, dabo panem."
Tanquam laudatus esset nequissimus servus, lucernam
de sinu fictilem protulit et amplius semihora tubicines
imitatus est succinente Habinna et inferius labrum
manu deprimente. Ultimo etiam in medium processit
et modo harundinibus quassis choraulas imitatus est,
modo lacernatus cum flagello mulionum fata egit,
donee vocatum ad se Habinnas basiavit, potionemque
illi porrexit et Tan to melior" in quit Massa, dona
tibi caligas."

Nee ullus tot malorum finis fuisset, nisi epidipnis
esset allata, turdi siliginei uvis passis nucibusque
farsi. Insecuta sunt Cydonia etiam mala spinis confixa,
ut echinos efficerent. Et haec quidem tolerabilia
erant, si non fericulum longe monstrosius efFecisset,
ut vel fame perire mallemus. Nam cum positus esset,
ut nos putabamus, anser altilis circaque pisces et
omnia genera avium, 'Amici"^ inquit Trimalchio
quicquid videtis hie positum, de uno corpore est
factum." Ego, scilicet homo prudentissimus, statim
intellexi quid esset, et respiciens Agamemnonem
"mirabor" inquam nisi omnia ista de fimo facta sunt
aut certe de luto. Vidi Romae Saturnalibus eiusmodi
70 cenarumimaginem fieri." Necdum finieram sermon em,
cum Trimalchio ait: Ita crescam patrimonio, non

^ amici added by Buecheler.
' fimo added by Buecheler,

1S2

I

SATYRICON

and, upon my word, I admire him ; for no one can send
a dead man any fun. And please do not be jealous.
Scintilla. Take my word for it, we know you women
too. By my hope of salvation, I used to amuse my
own mistress, until even the master became suspicious ;
and so he banished me to a country stewardship. But
peace, my tongue, and you shall have some bread."
The worthless slave took a clay lamp out of his dress,
as if he had been comphmented, and imitated trumpe-
ters for more than half an hour, Habinnas singing with
him and pulling his lower lip down. Finallj', he came
right into the middle of the room, and shook a pipe
of reeds in imitation of flute-players, or gave us
the mule-driver's life, with a cloak and a whip, till
Habinnas called him and gave him a kiss, and offered
him a drink, saying, Better than ever, Massa. I will
give you a pair of boots."

There would have been no end to our troubles if a
last course had not been brought Ln, thrushes made
of fine meal and stuffed with raisins and nuts. There
followed also quinces, stuck all over with thorns to
look like sea-urchins. We could have borne this, if
a far more fantastic dish had not driven us even to
prefer death by starvation. What we took to be a fat
goose, MTith fish and all kinds of birds round it, was
put on, and then Trimalchio said, " My friends, what-
ever you see here on the table is made out of one
body." With my usual intelligence, I knew at once
what it was; I looked at Agamemnon and said, "l
shall be surprised if the whole thing is not made out
of filth, or at any rate clay. I have seen sham dinners
of this kind ser\'ed in Rome at the Saturnalia." I
had not finished speaking when Trimalchio said, "As 70
I hope to grow in gains and not in girth, my cook

1?S

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

corpore, ut ista cocus meus de porco fecit. Non potest
esse pretiosior homo. Volueris, de vulva faciet piscem,
de lardo palumbum, de perna turturem, de colaepio
gallinam. Et ideo ingenio meo impositum est illi no-
men bellissimum; nam Daedalus vocatur. Et quia
bonam mentem habet, attuli illi Roma munus cultros
Norico ferro." Quos statim iussit afFerri inspeetosque
miratus est. Etiam nobis potestatem fecit, ut mucro-
nem ad buccam probaremus.

Subito intraverunt duo servi, tanquam qui rixam
ad lacum fecissent; certe in collo^ adhuc amphoras
habebant. Cum ergo Trimalehio ius inter litigantes
diceret, neuter sententiam tulit decernentis, sed alte-
rius amphoram fuste percussit. Consternati nos inso-
lentia ebriorum intentavimus oculos in proeliantes
notavimusque ostrea pectinesque e gastris labentia,
quae collecta puer lance circumtulit. Has lautitias
aequavit ingeniosus cocus ; in craticula enim argentea
cochleas attulit et tremula taeterrimaque voce cantavit.

Pudet referre, quae secuntur: inaudito enim more
pueri capillati attulerunt unguentum in argentea
pelve pedesque recumbentium unxerunt, cum ante
crura talosque corollis vinxissent. Hinc ex eodem
unguento in vinarium atque lucernam aliquantum ^
est infusum.

lam coeperat Fortunata velle saltare, iam Scintilla
frequentius plaudebat quam loquebatur, cum Trimal-
ehio "Permitto" inquit Philargyre et Carlo, etsi

^collo Heinsius: loco,
^aliquantum Heinsius; liquatum.

134

SATYRICON

made the whole thing out of a pig. There could not
be a more valuable fellow. If you want it, he will
make you a fish out of a sow's belly, a woodpigeon out
of bacon, a turtledove out of a ham, and a chicken out
of a knuckle of pork. That gave me the idea of putting
a very pretty name on him; he is called Daedalus.^
And because he is so intelligent, I brought him back
from Rome some knives, made of steel of Noricum, as
a present." He had these knives brought in at once,
and contemplated them with admiration. He even
allowed us to trj' the edge on our cheeks.

Suddenly two slaves came in who had apparently
been fighting at a water-tank ; at least they still had
waterpots on their necks. Trimalchio sat in judgment
on the dispute, but neither of them accepted his
decision, and they smashed each other's waterpots
with sticks. We were amazed at their drunken folly,
and stared at them fighting, and then we saw oysters
and cockles fall out of the pots, and a boy picked them
up and brought them round on a dish. The clever
cook was a match for this exhibition ; he offered us
snails on a silver gridiron, and sang in an extremely
ugly quavering voice.

I am ashamed to tell j'ou what followed : in defiance
of all convention, some long-haired boys brought oint-
ment in a silver basin, and anointed our feet as we lay,
after -H-inding little garlands round our feet and ankles.
A quantity of the same ointment was then poured into
the mixing-bowl and the lamp.

Fortunata had now grown anxious to dance ; Scin-
tilla clapped her hands more often than she spoke,
when Trimalchio said, " Philargyrus, you and Cario,

' A commoo nickname for a Jack of all trades.

135

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

prasinianus es famosus, die et Menophilae, contuber-

nali tuae, discumbat." Quid multa? paene de lectis

deiecti sumus, adeo totum triclinium familia occupa-

verat. Certe ego notavi super me positum coeum,

qui de porco anserem fecerat, muria condimentisque

fetentem. Nee contentus fuit recumbere, sed continuo

Ephesum tragoedum coepit imitari et subinde domi-

i< . . . .

num suum sponsione provocare si prasmus proximis

circensibus primam palmam."

71 Diffusus hac contentione Trimalchio amici" inquit

et servi homines sunt et aeque unum lactem bibe-

runt, etiam si illos malus fatus oppressit.^ Tamen me

salvo cito aquam liberam gustabunt. Ad summam,

omnes illos in testamento meo manu mitto. Philargyro

etiam fundum lego et contubernalem suam, Carioni

quoque insulam et vicesimam et lectum stratum. Nam

Fortunatam meam heredem facio, et commendo illam

omnibus amicis meis. Et haee ideo omnia publico, ut

familia mea iam nunc sic me amet tanquam mortuum."

Gratias agere omnes indulgentiae coeperant domini,

cum ille oblitus nugarum exemplar testament! iussit

afFerri et totum a primo ad ultimum ingemescente

familia recitavit. Respiciens deinde Habinnam quid

dicis" inquit amice cai'issime? Aedificas monumen-

tum meum, quemadmodum te iussi ? Valde te rogo,

ut secundum pedes statuae meae catellam ponas^ et

coronas et unguenta et Petraitis omnes pugnas, ut

'oppressit Btiecheler: oppresserit.
^ ponas Buecheler: pingas.

136

SATYRICON

though you are a damned wearer of the green/ may sit
down and tell your good woman, Menophila, to do the
same." I need hardly say that we were nearly pushed
off the sofas with the slaves crowding into every seat.
Anyhow, I noticed that the cook, who had made a
goose out of the pig, sat stinking of pickle and sauces
just above me. Not satisfied with ha\-ing a seat, he at
once began to imitate the tragedian Ephesus, and
then invited his own master to make a bet on the
green being first in the next games.

Trimalchio cheered up at this dispute and said, 71

Ah, my friends, a sla\e is a man and drank his
mother's milk Like ourselves, even if cruel fate has
trodden him down. Yes, and if I live they shall soon
taste the water of freedom. In fact I am setting them
all free in my will. I am leaving a property and his
good woman to Philargyrus as well, and to Cario a
block of buildings, and his manumission fees, and a
bed and bedding. I am making Fortunata my heir,
and I recommend her to all my friends. I am making
all this known so that my slaves may love me now as it
I were dead." They all began to thank their master
for his kindness, when he turned serious, and had a
copy of the will brought in, which he read aloud from
beginning to end, while the slaves moaned and groaned.
Then he looked at Habinnas and said, " Now tell me,
my dear friend : you wiU erect a monument as I have
directed? I beg you earnestly to put up round the
feet of my statue my little dog, and some wreaths, and
bottles of perfume, and all the fights of Petraites,^

1 These persons were two of Trimalchio's slaves. Trimal-
chio addresses one of them, Philargyrus, as a supporter of
the green colours in competitions in the circus. Competitors
wore four colours, blue, green, white, and red.

'See note, p. 91.

137

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
mihi contingat tuo beneficio post mortem vivere;
praeterea ut sint in fronte pedes centum^ in agrum
pedes ducenti. Omne genus enim poma volo sint
circa cineres meos, et vinearum largiter. Valde enim
falsum est vivo quidem domos cultas esse, non curari
eas, ubi diutius nobis habitandum est. Et ideo ante
omnia adici volo: hoc monumentum heredem non
sequitur.'^ Ceterum erit mill icurae, ut testamento
caveam, ne mortuus iniuriam accipiam. Praeponam
enim unum ex libertis sepulcro meo custodiae causa,
ne in monumentum meum populus cacatum currat.

Te rogo, ut naves etiam monumenti mei

facias plenis velis euntes, et me in tribunali sedentem
praetextatum cum aimlis aureis quinque et nummos in
publico de sacculo efFundentem; scis enim, quod epu-
lum dedi binos denarios. Faciatur, si tibi videtur, et
triclinia. Facias et totum populum sibi suaviter faci-
entem. Ad dexteram meam ponas statuam Fortunatae
meae columbam tenentem : et catellam cingulo alliga-
tam ducat : et cicaronem meum, et amphoras copiosas
gypsatas, ne effluant vinum. Et urnam licet fractam
sculpas, et super eam puerum plorantem. Horologium
in medio, ut quisquis horas inspiciet, velit nolit, nomen

^ sequitur Buecheler : sequatur. The phrase, like in fronte
and in agfrum above, is written with Horace Satires i, 8, 12-13,
in mind. H.M.H.N.S. is a common inscription on tombs,

138

SATYRICON

so that your kindness may bring me a life afte^ ^eath ;
and I want the monument to have a frontage of one
hundred feet and to be two hundred feet in depth. For
I should hke to have all kinds of fruit growing round
my ashes, and plenty of vines. It is quite Avrong for
a man to decorate his house while he is alive, and not
to trouble about the house where he must make a
longer stay. So above all things I want added to the
inscription. This monument is not to descend to my
heir.' I shall certainly take care to provide in my
will against any injury being done to me when I am
dead. I am appointing one of the freedmen to be
caretaker of the tomb and prevent the common peo-
ple from running up and defiling it. I beg you to
put ships in full sail on the monument, and me sitting
in official robes on my official seat, wearing five
gold rings and distributing coin publicly out of a bag ; ^
/ou remember that I gave a free dinner worth two
denarii a head. I should like a dining-room table put
in too, if you can arrange it. And let me have the
whole people there enjoying themselves. On my right
hand put a statue of dear Fortunata holding a dove,
and let her be leading a httle dog >\ith a waistband on ;
and my dear little boy, and big jars sealed with gyp-
sum, so that the wine may not run out. And have a
broken urn canned with a boy weeping over it. And
a sundial in the middle, so that an}one who looks at
the time will read my name whether he likes it or

^ Members of the college of Augustus were allowed on im-
portant public occasions to sit on a throne and to wear a toga
praetexta. Trimalchio may have earned the right to wear
gold rings by giving a public dinner: after his term of office
as a Sevir Augusti (see note, p. 43) expired, he would not
be entitled to wear them. See c. 32, where he wears a ring
made to look like gold at a distance

139

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
meum legat. Inscriptio quoque vide diligenter si
haec satis idonea tibi videtur: "C. Pompeius Trimal-
chio Maecenatianus hie requiescit. Huic seviratus
absenti decretus est. Cum posset in omnibus decuriis
Romae esse, tamen noluit. Pius, fortis, fidelis, ex
parvo crevit, sestertium reliquit trecenties, nee un-
quam philosophum audivit. Vale : et tu.' "
72 Haec ut dixit Trimalchio, flere coepit ubertim.
Flebat et Fortunata, flebat et Habinnas, tota denique
familia^ tanquam in funus rogata, lamentatione tricli-
nium implevit. Immo iam coeperam etiam ego plo-
rare, cum Trimalchio Ergo " inquit cum sciamus
nos morituros esse, quare non vivamus? Sic vos feli-
ces videam, coniciamus nos in balneum, meo periculo,
non paenitebit. Sic calet tanquam fiirnus." Vero,
vero," inquit Habinnas de una die duas facere, nihil
malo" nudisque consurrexit pedibus et Trimalchionem
plaudentem^ subsequi coepit.

Ego respiciens ad Aseylton "Quid cogitas?" inquam
"ego enim si videro balneum, statim expirabo."
"Assentemur" ait ille "et dum illi balneum petunt,

1 plaudentem Jacobs : gaudentem.
140

SATYRICON

not. And again, please think carefully whether this in
scription seems to you quite appropriate : Here Heth
Caius Pompeius Trimalchio, freedman of Maecenas.^
The degree of Priest of Augustus was conferred upon
him in his absence. He might have been attendant on
any magistrate in Rome, but refused it.^ God-fearing,
gallant, constant, he started with very little and left
thirty millions. He never listened to a philosopher.
Fare thee well, Trimalchio: and thou too, passer-by.' "

After saying this, Trimalchio began to weep floods 72
of tears. Fortunata wept, Habinnas wept, and then
all the slaves began as if they had been invited to his
funeral, and filled the dining-room -svith lamentation.
I had even begun to lift up my voice myself, when
Trimalchio said. Well, well, if we know we must die,
why should we not live ? As I hope for your happi-
ness, let us jump into a bath. My Hfe on it, you will
never regret it. It is as hot as a furnace." Very
true, very true," said Habinnas, making two days out
of one is my chief delight." And he got up with bare
feet and began'to follow Trimalchio, who was clapping
his hands.

I looked at Ascyltos and said, WTiat do you think ?
I shall die on the spot at the very sight of a bath."

Oh! let us say yes," he replied, ' and we will shp

^Trimalchio was allowed to have this name because he had
been in the service of a master named Maecenas before he
became a slave in the family of the Pompeii. Slaves were
allowed to retain their old master's name on transfer in order
to prevent confusion arising from similarities in their names
where they were very numerous.

^ Trimalchio boasts that if he had chosen to go to Rome as
a freedman he could have become a member of the decuries,
the orders or gfuilds which supplied the lower branches of
the public service, e.g. lictors, scribes, criers, and street
oflScers.

141

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

nos in turba exeamus." Cum haec placuissent, du-
cente per porticum Gitone ad ianuam venimus, ubi
canis catenarius tanto nos tumultu excepit, ut Ascyltos
etiam in piscinam ceciderit. Nee non ego quoque
ebriuSj qui etiam pictum timueram canem^ dum na-
tanti opem fero, in eundem gurgitem tractus sum.
Servavit nos tamen atriensis, qui interventu suo et
canem placavit et nos trementes extraxit in siccum.
Et Giton quidem iam dudum se ratione acutissima re-
demerat a cane ; quicquid enim a nobis acceperat de
cena, latranti sparserat, [at] ille avocatus cibo furorem
suppresserat. Ceterum cum algentes utique petis-
semus ab atriense, ut nos extra ianuam emitteret,
Erras " inquit si putas te exire hac posse, qua ve-
nisti. Nemo unquam convi varum per eandem ianuam
emissus est; alia intrant, alia exeunt." Quid faciamus
73 homines miserrimi et novi generis labyrintho inclusi,
quibus lavari iam coeperat votum esse? Ultro ergo
rogavimus, ut nos ad balneum duceret, proiectisque
vestimentis, quae Giton in aditu siccare coepit, balne-
um intravimus, angustum scilicet et cisternae frigida-
riae simile, in quo Trimalchio rectus stabat. Ac ne
sic quidem putidissimam eius iactationem^ licuit eifu-
gere ; nam nihil melius esse dicebat quam sine turba
lavari, et eo ipso loco aliquando pistrinum fuisse.
Deinde ut lassatus consedit, invitatus balnei sono
diduxit usque ad cameram os ebrium et coepit Mene-
cratis cantica lacerare, sicut illi dicebant, qui linguam

* eius lactationem Heinsius : ei actionem.
142

SATY EICON

away in the crowd while they are looking for the bath."
This was agreed, and Giton led us through the gallery
to the door, where the dog on the chain welcomed us
with such a noise that Ascjltos fell straight into the
fish-pond. As I, who had been terrified even of a painted
dog, was drunk too, I fell into the same abyss while I
was helping him in his struggles to swim. But the porter
saved us by intervening to pacify the dog, and pulled us
shivering on to drj' land. Giton had ransomed him-
self from the dog some time before by a very cunning
plan; when it barked he threw it all the pieces we
had given him at dinner, anfl food distracted the
beast from his anger. But when, chilled to the bone,
we asked the porter at least to let us out of the door, he
replied, ' You are wrong if you suppose you can go out
at the door you came in by. None of the guests are
ever let out by the same door ; they come in at one
and go out by another." There was nothing to be 73
done, we were victims enwound in a new labjTinth,
and the idea of washing had begun to grow pleasant,
so we asked him instead to show us the bath, and
after throwing off our clothes, which Giton began to
dry in the front hall, we went in. It was a tiny place
like a cold-water cistern, and Trimalchio was standing
upright in it. We were not allowed to escape his filthy
bragging even there; he declared that there was
nothing nicer than washing out of a crowd, and told
us that there had once been a bakery on that very
spot. He then became tired and sat down, and the
echoes of the bathroom encouraged him to open his
tipsy jaws to the ceiling and begin to murder Mene-
crates's songs,' as I was told by those who could under-

' Menecrates was specially honoured by Nero (Suetonius,
Neto, c. 3d).

143

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

eius intcilegebant. Ceteri convivae circa labrum
maiiibus nexis currebant et gingilipho ingenti clamore
exsonabant. Alii autem [aut] restrictis manibus anu-
los de pavimento conabantur tollere aut posito genu
cervices post terga flectere et pedum extremes polli-
ces tangere. Nos, dum alii sibi ludos faciunt, in solium,
quod Trimalchioni vaporabatur/ descendimus.

Ergo ebrietate discussa in aliud triclinium deducti
sumus, ubi Fortunata disposuerat lautitias [suas] ^
Ita ut supra lucernas . . . aeneolosque piscatores
notaverim et mensas totas argenteas calicesque circa
fictiles inauratos et vinum in conspectu sacco defluens.
Tum Trimalchio Amici" inquit hodie servus meus
barbatoriam fecit, homo praefiscini frugi et micarius.
74 Itaque tangomenas facianius et usque in lucem cene-
mus." Haec dicente eo gallus gallinaceus cantavit.
Qua voce confusus Trimalchio vinum sub mensa iussit
efFundi lucernamque etiam mero spargi. Immo anu-
lum traiecit in dexteram manum et non sine causa"
inquit hie bucinus signum dedit ; nam aut incendium
oportet fiat, aut aliquis in vicinia animam abiciet.
Longe a nobis. Itaque quisquis hunc indicem attulerit,
eorollarium accipiet." Dicto citius de vicinia gallus
allatus est, quem Trimalchio occidi ^ iussit, ut aeno co-
ctus fieret. Laceratus igitur ab illo doctissimo coco, qui
paulo ante de porco aves piscesque fecerat, in caeca-
bum est coniectus. Dumque Daedalus potionem fer-

Waporabatur Buecheler: pervapatur (»'« marg. paraba-
tur).

^ suas marked for deletion in MS.
* occidi added by Buecheler.

144

SATY EICON

stand what he said. Other guests joined hands and ran
round the edge of the bath, roaring with obstreperous
laughter at the top of their voices. Some again
had their hands tied behind their backs and tried to
pick up rings from the floor, or knelt do^^Ti and bent
their heads backwards and tried to touch the tips of
their toes. While the others were amusing them-
selves, we went down into a deep bath which was
being heated for Trimalchio.

Then, ha\-ing got rid of the effects of our liquor, we
were led into another dining-room, where Fortunata had
laid out her treasures, so that over the lamps I saw ....
little bronze fishermen, and tables of solid silver, and
china cups with gold settings, and wine being
strained through a cloth before our eyes. Then Tri-
malchio said, " Gentlemen, a slave of mine is cele-
brating his first shave to-day : an honest, cheese-
paring fellow, in a good hour be it spoken. So let us
drink deep^ and keep up dinner till dawn."

Just as he was speaking, a cock crew. The noise 74
upset Trimalchio, and he had wine poured under the
table, and even the lamp sprinkled with pure wine.
Further, he changed a ring on to his right hand, and
said. That trumpeter does not give his signal >nthout
a reason. Either there must be a fire, or some one
close by is just going to give up the ghost. Lord, save
us I So anyone who catches the informer shall have a
reward." He had scarcely spoken, when the cock was
brought in from somewhere near. Trimalchio ordered
him to be killed and cooked in a saucepan. So he
was cut up by the learned cook who had made birds
and fishes out of a pig a little while before, and thrown
into a cooking-pot. And while Daedalus took a long
' See note, p. 51.
L 145

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

ventissimam haurit, Fortunata mola buxea piper trivit.
Sumptis igitur matteis respiciens ad familiam Tri-
inalchio Quid vos" inquit adhuc non cenastis?
Abite, ut alii veniant ad officium." Subiit igitur alia
classis, et illi quidem exclamavere : "Vale Gai/' hi
autem: Ave Gai." Hinc primum hilaritas nostra
turbata est; nam cum puer non inspeciosus inter
novos intrasset ministros, invasit eum Trimalehio et
osculari diutius coepit. Itaque Fortunata, ut ex aequo
ius firmum approbaret, male dicere Ti'imalchioni
coepit et purgamentum dedeeusque praedicare, qui
non contineret libidinem suam. Ultimo etiam adiecit :
canis." Trimalehio contra offensus convicio calicem
in faciem Fortunatae immisit. Ilia tanquam oculum
perdidissetj exclamavit manusque trementes ad faciem
suam admovit. Consternata est etiam Scintilla trepi-
dantemque sinu suo texit. Immo puer quoque officio-
sus urceolum frigidum ad malam eius admovit, super
quem incumbens Fortunata gemere ac flere coepit.
Contra Trimalehio Quid enim?" inquit ambubaia
non meminit,^ sed de ^ machina ^ illam sustuli,
hominem inter homines feci. At inflat se tanquam
rana, et in sinum suum non spuit/ codex, non mulier.
Sed hie, qui in pergula natus est, aedes non somniatur.
Ita genium meum propitium habeam, curabo, domata
sit Cassandra caligaria. Et ego, homo dipundiarius, ses-
tertium centies accipere potui. Scis tu me non men-
tiri. Agatho, unguentarius herae proximae, seduxit
me et ' Suadeo ' inquit non patiaris genus tuum inter-
ire.' At ego dum bonatus ago et nolo videri levis,

' meminit Heinsius: me misit.
'^sed de Buecheler: sede.
^machina Reiske: machillam.
*non spuit Reiske: conspuit.

146

SATYRICON

drink very hot, Fortunata ground up pepper in a box-
wood mill.

After the good things were done, Trimalchio looked
at the slaves and said. Why have you not had dinner
yet? Be off, and let some others come and wait." So
another brigade appeared, and the old lot shouted,
Gaius, good-bye," and the new ones, 'Hail! Gaius."
After this, our jollity received its first shock ; a rather
comely boy came in among the fresh waiters, and
Trimalchio took him and began to kiss him warmly.
So Fortunata, to assert her rights at law, began to
abuse Trimalchio, and called him a dirty disgrace for
not behaving himself. At last she even added, " You
hound." Her cursing annoyed Trimalchio, and he let
fly a cup in her face. She shrieked as if her eye had
been put out, and lifted her trembling hands to her
face. Scintilla was frightened too, and shielded her
quivering friend ^\ith her arms. WTiile an officious
slave held a cool little jar to her cheek, Fortunata
leaned over it and began to groan and cry. But Tri-
malchio said, WTiat is it all about? This chorus-girl
has no memory, yet I took her off the sale-platform
and made her one of ourselves. But she puffs herself
up Uke a frog, and will not spit for luck ; a log she is,
not a woman. But if you were born in a slum you
cannot sleep in a palace. Damn my soul if I do not
properly tame this shameless Cassandra.^ And I might
have married ten million, wretched fool that I was'.
You know I am speaking the truth. Agatho, the
perfumer of the rich woman next door, took me
aside and said, I entreat you not to let your family
die out.' But I, being a good chap, didn't wish to

^ Cassandra is a type of passion, and a Cassandra in top-
boots (^caligarta) is a brutal, strong- woman.

l2 147

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
ipse mihi asciam in crus impegi. Recte, curabo, me
unguibus quaeras. Et ut depraesentiarum intelligas,
quid tibi feceris : Habinna, nolo, statuam eius in monu-
mento meo ponas, ne mortuus quidem lites habeam.
Immo, ut sciat me posse malum dare, nolo, me mor-
tuum basiet."
75 Post hoc fulmen Habinnas rogare coepit> ut iam
HLdesineret irasci et | "Nemo" inquit 'nostrum non
H peccat. Homines sumus, non dei." | Idem et Scintilla
flens dixit ac per genium eius Gaium appellando
rogare coepit, ut se frangeret.^ Non tenuit ultra lacri-
mas Trimalchio et Rogo" inquit Habinna, sic pecu-
lium tuum fruniscaris : si quid perperam feci, in faciem
meam inspue. Puerum basiavi frugalissimum, non
propter formam, sed quia frugi est: decem partes
dicit, librum ab oculo legit, thraecium sibi de diariis
fecit, arcisellium de suo paravit et duas trullas. Non
est dignus quem in oculis feram ? sed Fortunata vetat.
Ita tibi videtur, fulcipedia? suadeo, bonum tuum con-
coquas, milva, et me non facias ringentem, amasiun-
cula: alioquin ex perieris cerebrum meum. Nostime:
quod semel destinavi, clavo tabular! fixum est. Sed
vivorum meminerimus. Vos rogo, amici, ut vobis sua-
viter sit. Nam ego quoque tam fui quam vos estis, sed
virtute mea ad hoc perveni. Corcillum est quod ho-
mines facit, cetera quisquilia omnia. Bene emo,
bene vendo ' ; alius alia vobis dicet. Felicitate dissilio.

• se frangeret Heinsius; effrangeret,
148

SATY EICON

seem fickle, and so I have stuck the axe into my
own leg. Very well, I will make you want to dig me
up with your finger-nails. But you shall understand
what you have done for yourself straight away.
Habinnas, do not put any statue of her on my tomb,
or I shall have nagging even when I am dead. And
to show that I can do her a bad turn, I will not have
her kiss me even when I am laid out."

After this flash of lightning Habinnas began to im- 75
plore him to moderate his wrath. We all have our
faults," he said, we are men, not angels." Scintilla
cried and said the same, called him Gaius and besought
him by his guardian angel to unbend. Trimalchio
no longer restrained his tears, and said, Habinnas,
please, as you hope to enjoy your money, spit in my
face if I have done anything wrong. I kissed that
excellent boy not because he is beautiful, but because
he is excellent: he can do division and read books
at sight, he has bought a suit of Thracian armour
out of his day's wages, purchased a round-backed
chair with his own money, and two ladles. Does he
not deserve to be treated well by me ? But Fortunata
will not have it. Is that your feeling, my high-heeled
hussy? I adWse you to chew what you have bitten
off, you \Tilture, and not make me show my teeth,
my little dear: otherwise you shall know what my
anger is. . Mark my woi'ds : when once my mind is
made up, the thing is fixed with a ten-inch nail. But
we will thuik of the living. Please make yourselves
comfortable, gentlemen. I was once just what you
are, but by my own merits I have come to this. A bit
of sound sense is what makes men; the rest is all
rubbish. I buy well and sell well ' : some people will
tell you differently. I am bursting with happiness.

149

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
Tu autem^ sterteia^ etiamnum ploras? iam curabo,
fatum tuum plores. Sed, ut coeperam dicere, ad
hanc me fortunam frugalitas mea perduxit. Tarn ma-
gnus ex Asia veni, quam hie candelabrus est. Ad
summam, quotidie me solebam ad ilium metiri, et ut
celerius rostrum barbatum haberem, labra de lucerna
ungebam. Tamen ad delicias [femina]^ ipsimi [domini]
annos quattuordecim fui. Nee turpe est, quod dominus
iubet. Ego tamen et ipsimae [dominae] satis faciebam.
ScitiSj quid dicam : taceo, quia non sum de gloriosis.
76 Ceterum, quemadmodnm di volunt, dominus in domo
factus sum, et ecce cepi ip<5imi cerebellum. Quid
multa? coheredem me Caesari fecit, et accepi patri-
monium laticlavium. Nemini tamen nihil satis est.
Concupivi negotiari. Ne multis vos morer, quinque
naves aedifieuvi, oneravi vinum — et tunc erat contra
aurum — misi Romam. Putares me hoc iussisse : omnes
naves naufraganint, factum, non fabula. Uno die
Neptunus trecenties sestertium devoravit. Putatis
me defecisse? Non mehercules mi haec iactura gusti
fuit, tanquam nihil facti. Alteras feci maiores et me-
liores et feliciores, ut nemo non me virum fortem
diceret. Scitis, magna navis magnam fortitudinem
habet. Oneravi rursus vinum, lardum, fabam, sepla-
sium, mancipia. Hoc loco Fortunata rem piam fecit;
omne enim aurum suum, omnia vestimenta vendidit
et mi centum aureos in manu posuit. Hoc fuit
peculii mei fermentum. Cito fit, quod di volunt.

' femina, domini, dominae bracketed by Buecheler.
150

SATYRICOX

What, you snorer in bed, are you still whining ? I will
take care that you have something to whine over.
Well, as I was just sajing, self-denial has brought
tne into this fortune. When I came from Asia I was
about as tall as this candle-stick. In fact I used to
measure myself by it every daj-, and grease mj' lips
from the lamp to grow a moustache the quicker.
Still, I was my master's favourite for fourteen years.
No disgrace in obeying your master's orders. Well,
I used to amuse my mistress too. You know what I
mean; I say no more, I am not a conceited man.
Then, as the Gods willed, I became the real master 76
of the house, and simply had his brains in my pocket.
I need only add that I was joint residuary legatee
with Caesar,^ and came into an estate fit for a senator.
But no one is satisfied with nothing. I conceived a
passion for business. I will not keep you a moment —
I built five ships, got a cargo of wine — which was
worth its weight in gold at the time — and sent them
to Rome. You may think it was a put-up job; every
one was wrecked, truth and no fairy-tales. Neptune
gulped down thirty million in one day. Do you
think I lost heart? Lord! no, I no more tasted my
loss than if nothing had happened. I built some more,
bigger, better and more expensive, so that no one
could say I was not a brave man. You know, a huge
ship has a certain security about her. I got another
cargo of wine, bacon, beans, perfumes, and slaves. For-
tunata did a noble thing at that time ; she sold all her
jewellery and all her clothes, and put a hundred gold
pieces into my hand. They were the leaven of my
fortime. What God wishes soon happens. I made

' It was not uncommon, and often prudent, for a rich man
under the early Empire to mention the Emperor in his wilL

151

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
Uno cursu centies sestertium corrotundavi. Statim
redemi fundos omnes, qui patroni mei fuerant. Aedi-
fico domum, venalicia coemo iumenta; quicquid tan-
gebam, crescebat tanquam favus. Postquam coepi plus
habere, quam tota patria mea habet, manum de tabula :
sustuli me de negotiatione et coepi libertos faenerare.
Et sane nolentem me negotium meum agere exhorta-
vit mathematicus, qui venerat forte in coloniam iio-
stram, Graeculio, Serapa nomine, consiliator deorum.
Hie mihi dixit etiam ea, quae oblitus eram; ab acia
et acu mi omnia exposuit; intestinas meas noverat;
tantum quod mihi non dixerat, quid pridie cenaveram.
77 Putasses ilium semper mecum habitasse. Rogo, Ha-
binna — puto, interfuisti — : Tu dominam tuam de
rebus illis fecisti. Tu parum felix in amicos es. Nemo
unquam tibi parem gratiam refert. Tu latifundia pos-
sides. Tu viperam sub ala nutricas ' et, quod vobis non
dixerim, et nunc mi restare vitae annos triginta et
menses quattuor et dies duos. Praeterea cito accipiam
hereditatem. Hoc mihi dicit fatus meus. Quod si
contigerit fundos Apuliae iungere, satis vivus perve-
nero. Interim dum Mercurius vigilat, aedificavi hanc
domum. Ut scitis, casula^ erat; nunc templum est.
Habet quattuor cenationes, cubicula viginti, porticus
marmoratos duos, susum cenationem,^ cubiculum in
quo ipse dormio, viperae huius sessorium, ostiarii cel-

' casula Heinsius: cusuc.
'cenationem Scheffer: cellationem.
152

SATYRICON

a clear ten million on one voyage. I at once bought
up all the estates which had belonged to my patron.
I buiH a house, and bought slaves and cattle ; what-
ever I touched grew like a honey-comb. \Mien I
came to have more than the whole revenues of my
own coimtry, I threw up the game : I retired from
active work and began to finance freedmen. I
was quite luiAvilling to go on with my work when
I was encouraged by an astrologer who happened
to come to our town, a little Greek called Serapa,
who knew the secrets of the Gods. He told
me things that I had forgotten myself; explained
everything from needle and thread upwards; knew
mj' own inside, and only fell short of telling me what
I had had for dinner the day before. You would 77
have thought he had always lived with me. You
remember, Habinnas? — I believe you were there? —
You fetched your vdfe from you know where. You
are not lucky in your friends. No one is ever as grate-
ful to you as you deserve. You are a man of property.
You are nourishing a viper in your bosom,' and, though
I must not tell you this, that even now I had thirty
years four months and tvvo days left to live. More-
over I shall soon come into an estate. My oracle tells
me so. If I could only extend my boundaries to
Apulia I should have gone far enough for my lifetime.
Meanwhile I built this house while Mercury watched
over me.^ As you know, it was a tiny place; now it
is a palace. It has four dining-rooms, twenty bed-
rooms, two marble colonnades, an upstairs dining-
room, a bedroom where I sleep myself, this viper's
boudoir, an excellent room for the pK)rter; there is

' Mercury was Trimalchio's patron. See note, p. 43. Also
be was the g^od of g^ain and g'ood luck.

153

TJTUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
lam perbonam ; hospitium hospites capit. Ad summam,
Scaurus cum hue venit, nusquam mavoluit hospitari,
et habet ad mare paternum hospitium. Et multa aha
sunt, quae statim vobis ostendam. Credite mihi:
assem habeas, assem valeas; habes, habeberis. Sic
amicus vester, qui fuit rana, nunc est rex. Interim.
Stiche, profer vitaha, in quibus volo me efferri. Prefer
et unguentum ''t ex ilia amphora gustum, ex qua
iubeo lavari ossa mea."

Non est moratus Stichus, sed et stragulam albam

et praetextam in triclinium attulit

iussitque nos temptare, an bonis lanis essent confecta.
Tum subridens Vide tu" inquit Stiche, ne ista
mures tangant aut tineae? alioquin te vivum combu-
ram. Ego gloriosus volo efferri, ut totus mihi populus
bene imprecetur." Statim ampullam nardi aperuit
onmesque nos unxit et Spero" inquit futurum ut
aeque me mortuum iuvet tanquam vivum." Nam
vinum quidem in vinarium iussit infundi et Putate
vos" ait ad parentalia mea invitatos esse."

Ibat res ad summam nauseam, cum Trimalchio
ebrietate turpissima gravis novum acroama, cornicines,
in triclinium iussit adduci, fultusque cervicalibus
multis extendit se super torum extremum et Fingite
me " inquit mortuum esse. Dicite aliquid belli."
Consonuere cornicines funebri strepitu. Unus praeci-
pue servus libitinarii illius, qui inter hos honestissimus
erat, tarn valde intonuit, ut totam concitaret viciniam,
1.54

SATYRICON

plenty of spare room for guests. In fact when Scaurus
came he preferred staying here to anywhere else, and
he has a family place by the sea. There are plenty
of other things which I •vriW show you in a minute.
Take my word for it: if you have a permy, that is
uhat you are worth ; by what a man hath shall he be
reckoned. So your friend who was once a worm is
now a king. Meanwhile, Stichus, bring me the grave-
clothes in which I mean to be carried out. And some
ointment, and a mouthful out of that jar which has
to be poured over my bones."

In a moment Stichus had fetched a white ■winding- 78
sheet and dress into the dining-room and . . . [Trimal-
chio] asked us to feel whether they were made of good
wool. Then he gave a little laugh and said, "Mind
neither mouse nor moth corrupts them, Stichus;
otherM'ise I will bum you alive. I want to be carried
out in splendour, so that the whole crowd calls down
blessings on me." He immediately opened a flask
and anointed us all and said, " I hope I shall Uke this
as well in the grave as I do on earth." Besides this
he ordered wine to be poured into a bowl, and said.
Now you must imagine you have been asked to my
fxineral."

The thing was becoming perfectly sickening, when
Trimalchio, now deep in the most vile drunkenness,
had a new set of performers, some trumpeters, brought
into the dining-room, propped himself on a heap of
cusliions, and stretched himself on his death-bed,
sajing, " Imagine that I am dead. Play something
pretty." The trumpeters broke into a loud funeral
march. One man especially, a slave of the undertaker
who was the most decent man in the party, blew such
a mighty blast that the whole neighbourhood was

155

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Itaque vigiles, qui custodiebant vicinam regionem, rati
ardere Trimalchionis domum, effregerunt ianuam
subito et cum aqua securibusque tumultuari suo iure
coeperunt. Nos occasionem opportunissimam nacti
Agamemnoni verba dedimus raptimque tarn plane
quam ex ineendio fugimus.
79 L I Neque fax uUa in praesidio erat, quae iter aperiret
errantibuSj nee silentium noetis iam mediae promitte-
bat occurrentium lumen. Accedebat hue ebrietas et
imprudentia locorum etiam interdiu obfutura.^ Itaque
cum bora paene tota per omnes scrupos gastrarumque
eminentium fragmenta traxissemus cruentos pedes,
tandem expliciti acumine Gitonis sumus. Prudens
enim [pridie], cum luce etiam clara timeret errorem,
omnes pilas columnasque notaverat creta, quae'
lineamenta evicerunt spississimam noctem et notabili
candore ostenderunt errantibus viam. Quamvis non
minus sudoris habuLmus etiam postquam ad stabulum
pervenimus. Anus enim ipsa inter deversitores diutius
ingurgitata ne ignem quidem admotum sensisset. Et
forsitan pernoctassemus in limine, ni tabellarius
Trimalchionis intervenisset X vehiculis dives. Non
diu ergo tumultuatus stabuli ianuam efFregit et nos
per eandem intro^ admisit ...

Qualis nox fuit ilia, di deaeque,
quam mollis torus. Haesimus calentes
et transfudimus hinc et hinc labellis
errantes animas. Valete, curae
mortalis. Ego sic perire coepi.

^ obfutura Buecheler: obscura.
'creta, quae Puteanus: certaque.
^ intro Bourdeloi: terram.

,56

SATYRICON

roused. The watch/ who were patrolling the streets
close by, thought Trimalchio's house was alight, and
suddenly burst in the door and began with water and
axes to do their duty in creating a disturbance. My
friends and I seized this most welcome opportunity,
outwitted Agamemnon, and took to our heels as
quickly as if there were a real fire.

There was no guiding torch to show us the way as 79
we wandered ; it was now midnight, and the silence
gave us no prospect of meeting anyone with a light.
Moreover we were drunk, and our ignorance of the
quarter would have puzzled us even in the daytime.
So after dragging our bleeding feet nearly a whole
hour over the flints and broken pots which layout in the
road, we were at last put straight by Git on' s cleverness.
The careful child had been afraid of losing his way
even in broad daj'light, and had marked all the p)Osts
and columns with chalk ; these lines shone through the
blackest night, and their brilhant whiteness directed
our lost footsteps. But even when we reached our
lodgings our agitation was not relieved. For our friend
the old woman had had a long night swilling with her
lodgers, and would not have noticed if you had set
a light to her. We might have had to sleep on the
doorstep if Trimalchio's courier had not come up in
state with ten carts. After making a noise for a little
while he broke down the house-door and let us in byit . .

Ah ! gods and goddesses, what a night that was, how
soft was the bed. We lay in a warm embrace and
Avith kisses everywhere made exchange of our wander-
ing spirits. Farewell, all earthlj' troubles. So began
my destruction.

' Either a municipal or a private brigade of firemen or
watchmen.

»57

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

sine causa gratulor mihi. Nam cum solutus mero remi-
sissem^ ebrias manuS;, Ascyltos, omnis iniuriae inven-
tor, subduxit mihi nocte puerum et in leetum transtulit
suum, volutatusque liberius cum fratre non suo, sive
non sentiente iniuriam sive dissimulante, indormivit
alienis amplexibus oblitus iuris humani. Itaque ego
ut experrectus pertreetavigaudio despoliatum torum. . .
Si qua est amantibus fides, ego dubitavi, an utrumque
traicerem gladio somnumque morti iungerem. Tutius
dein secutus consilium Gitona quidem verberibus ex
citavi, Ascylton autem truci intuens vultu quoniam "
inquam fidem scelere violasti et communem amici-
tiam, res tuas ocius tolle et alium locum, quem poUuas,
quaere."

Non repugnavit ille, sed postquam optima fide
80 partiti manubias sumus, age" inquit nunc et
puerum dividamus." locari putabam discedentem.
At ille gladium parricidali manu strinxit et non
frueris " inquit hac praeda, super quam solus incum-
bis. partem meam necesse est vel hoc gladio con-
temptus abscidam."^ Idem ego ex altera parte feci et
intorto circa brachium pallio composui ad proeliandum
gradum. Inter hanc miserorum dementiam infelicissi-
mus puer tangebat utriusque genua cum fletu
petebatque suppliciter, ne Thebanum par humilis
taberna spectaret, neve sanguine mutuo pollueremus
familiaritatis clarissimae sacra. Quod si utique "
proclamabat " facinore opus est, nudo ecce iugulum,
convertite hue manus, imprimite mucrones. Ego mori
debeo, qui amicitiae sacramentum delevi. " Inhibuimus
ferrum post has preces, et prior Ascyltos ego " inquit
''finem discordiae imponam. Puer ipse, quem vult,

' reinlsissem /acobs : amisissem.
^contemptus Burmann: contentus.

158

SATYRICON

I blessed my luck too soon. I was overcome with
drink and let my shaking hands fall, and then Ascyltos,
that fountain of all wickedness, took my little friend
away et in lectuni transtulit suum, volutatusque libe-
rius cum fratre non suo, sive non sentiente iniuriam
sive dissimulante, indormivit alienis amplexibus oblitus
iuris humani. Itaque ego ut experrectus pertrectavi
gaudio despoliatum torum ... Si qua est amantibus
fides, ego dubitavi, an utrumque traicerem gladio som-
numque morti iungerem, Tutius dein secutus consi-
lium Gitona quidem verberibus excitavi, I looked
angrily at Ascyltos and said, As you have Anckedly
broken our agreement and the friendship between us,
collect your things at once, and find some other place
to corrupt."

He did not resist, but after we had divided our 80
spoils with scrupulous honesty he said, And now we
must divide the boy too." I thought this was a parting
joke. But he drew his sword murderously, and said,
*" You shall not enjoy this treasure that you brood over
all alone. I am rejected, but I must carve off my
share too, even with this sword."

So I did the same on my side; wrapped my cloak
round my arm and put myself in j)osition for a fight.
As we raved in folly, the poor boy touched our knees,
and humbly besought us with tears not to let that
quiet lodging-house be the scene of a Theban duel, or
stain the sanctity of a beautiful friendship with each
other's blood. But if you must commit your crime,"
he cried, look here, here is my throat. Turn your
hands this way and imbrue your blades. I deserve to
die for breaking the oath of friendship." We put up
our swords at his prayers, and Ascjltos spoke first, '' I
■will put an end to this quarrel. Let the boy follow

159

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

sequatur, ut sit illi saltern in eligendo fratre [salva[
liber tas." Ego qui vetustissimam consuetudinem
putabam in sanguinis pignus transisse, nihil timui,
immo condicionem praecipiti festinatione rapui com-
misique iudici litem, qui ne deliberavit quidem, ut
videretur cunctatus, verum statim ab extrema parte
verbi consurrexit et fratrem Ascylton elegit. Fulmi-
natus hac pronuntiatione, sic ut eram, sine gladio in
lectulum decidi, et attulissem mihi damnatus manus,
si non inimici victoriae invidissem. Egreditur superbus
cum praemio Ascyltos et paulo ante carissimum sibi
commilitonem fortunaeque etiam similitudine parem
in loco peregrino destituit abiectum.
LO I Nomen amicitiae sic, quatenus expedit, haeret;

calculus in tabula mobile ducit opus.
Cum fortuna manet, vultum servatis, amici ;
cum cecidit, turpi vertitis ora fuga.

Grex agit in scaena mimum : pater ille vocatur,

filius hie, nomen divitis ille tenet.
Mox ubi ridendas inclusit pagina partes,
vera redit facies, dum simulata^ perit. . . .
81 Nee diu tamen lacrimis indulsi, sed veritus, ne
Menelaus etiam antescholanus inter cetera mala
solum me in deversorio inveniret, collegi sarcinulas
locumque secretum et proximum litori maestus
conduxi. Ibi triduo inclusus redeimte in animum
solitudine atque contemptu verberabam aegrum
L planctibus pectus | et inter tot altissimos gemitus

' dum simulata Buecheler : dissimulata.
160

SATYRICON

the one he prefers, so that he at any rate may have a
tree choice of brothers."

I had no fears, imagining that long-standing famili-
arity had passed into a tie of blood, and I accepted
the arrangement in hot haste, and referred the dispute
to the judge. He did not even pretend to take time
to consider, but got up at once as I finished speaking,
and chose Ascyltos for his brother. I was thunder-
struck at his choice, and fell down on the bed just as
I was, without my sword ; I should have committed
suicide at the sentence if I had not grudged my enemy
this triumph. Ascyltos went stalking out with his
wirmings, and left his comrade, whom he had loved a
little while before, and whose fortunes had been so like
his own, in despair in a strange place.

The name of friendship endures so long as there is
profit in it : the counter on the board plays a change-
able game. \Miile my luck holds you give me your
smiles, my friends ; when it is out, you turn your faces
away in shameful flight.

A company acts a farce on the stage : one is called
the father, one the son, and one is labelled the Rich
Man. Soon the comic parts are shut in a book, the
men's real faces come back, and the make-up disap-
pears.

But still I did not spend much time in weeping. I 8 1
was afraid that Menelaus the tutor^ might increase my
troubles by finding me alone in the lodgings, so I got
together my bundles and took a room in a remote
place right on the beach. I shut myself up there for
three days ; I was haunted by the thought that I was
deserted and despised ; I beat my breast, already worn
with blows, groaned deeply and even cried aloud many
' See p. 37 note.

M idl

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

frequenter etiam proclamabam : ergo me non ruina
terra potuit haurire? Non iratum etiam innocenti-
bus mare? Effugi iudicium, harenae imposui, hospi-
tem occidi, ut inter tot audaciae nomiiia mendicus,
exul, in deversorio Graecae urbis iacerem desertus?
Et quis hanc mihi solitudinem imposuit ? Aduleseens
omni libidine impurus et sua quoque confessione di-
gnus exilic, stupro liber, stupro ingenuus, cuius anni ad
tesseram venierunt, quem tanquam puellam conduxit
etiam qui virum putavit. Quid ille alter ? Qui [tan-
^quam] die togae virilis stolam sumpsit, qui ne vir
esset, a matre persuasus est, qui opus muliebre in
ergastulo fecit, qui postquam conturbavit et libidinis
suae solum vertit, reliquit veteris amicitiae nomen et,
pro pudor, tanquam mulier secutuleia unius noctis
tactu omnia vendidit. lacent nunc amatores obligati
noctibus totis, et forsitan mutuis libidinibus attriti
derident solitudinem meam. Sed non impune. Nam
aut vir ego liberque non sum, aut noxio sanguine
parentabo iniuriae meae."
82 Haec locutus gladio latus cingo, et ne infirmitas
militiam perderet, largioribus cibis excito vires. Mox
in publicum prosilio furentisque more omnes circum-
eo porticus. Sed dum attonito vultu efFeratoque
nihil aliud quam caedem et sanguinem cogito fre-
quentiusque manum ad capulum, quem devoveram,
refero, notavit me miles, sive ille planus fuit sive
nocturnus grassator, et Quid tu" in quit commilito,
ex qua legione es aut cuius centuria?" Cum con-
stantissime et centurionem et legionem essem ementi-
tus. Age ergo " inquit ille in exercitu vestro

' alter die qui tanquam togae MSS,

162

SATYRICON

times, Could not the earth have opened and swal-
lowed me, or the sea that shows her anger even
against the innocent? I fled from justice, I cheated
the ring, I killed my host, and with all these badges
of courage I am left forsaken in lodgings in a Greek
town, a beggar and an exile. And who condemned
me to loneliness? A young man tainted by excess of
every kind, deserving banishment even by his own
admission, a free, yes, a free-born debauchee ; his youth
was wasted in gambling, and even those who supposed
him to be a man treated him like a girl. And his
friend? A boy who went into skirts instead of
trousers, whose mother persuaded him never to grow
up, who was the common sport of the slaves' quarters,
who after going bankrupt, and changing the tune of
his vices, has broken the ties of an old friendship, and
shamelessly sold everything in a single night's work
like a common woman. Now the lovers lie all night
long in each other's arms, and very likely laugh at my
loneliness when they are tired out. But they shall
suffer for it. I am no man, and no free citizen, if I do
not avenge my wrongs with their hateful blood."

With these words I put on my sword, and recruited 82
my strength with a square meal to prevent my losing
the battle through weakness. I rushed out of doors
at once, and went round all the arcades like a madman.
My face was as of one dumbfoundered with fury, I
thought of nothing but blood and slaughter, and kept
putting my hand to the sword-hilt which I had conse-
crated to the work. Then a soldier, who may have
been a swindler or a footpad, noticed me, and said.

Hullo, comrade, what regiment and company do you
belong to?" I lied stoutly about my captain and my
regiment, and he said, Well, do soldiers in your
m2 163

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
phaecasiati milites ambulant?" Cum deinde vultu
atque ipsa trepidatione mendacium prodidissem^ po-
nere me iussit arma et malo cavere. Despoliatus
ergOjimmo praecisa ultione retro ad deversorium tendo
paulatimque temeritate laxata coepi grassatoris auda-
ciae gratias agere . . .

Non bibet inter aquas poma aut pendentia carpit

Tantalus infelix, quem sua vota premunt.
Divitis haec magni facies erit, omnia cernens

qui timet et sicco concoquit ore famem. . . .
Non multum oportet consilio credere, quia suam
habet fortuna rationem . . .
83 In pinacothecam perveni vario genere tabularum
mirabilem. Nam et Zeuxidos manus vidi nondum
vetustatis iniuria victas, et Protogenis rudimenta cum
ipsius naturae veritate certantia non sine quodam
horrore tractavi. lam vero Apellis quam Graeci
liovo Kvr]fiov appellant, etiam adoravi. Tanta enim
subtilitate extremitates imaginum erant ad similitudi-
nem praecisae, ut crederes etiam animorum esse
picturam. Hinc aquila ferebat caelo sublimis Idaeum/
illinc candidus Hylas repellebat improbam Naida.
Damnabat Apollo noxias manus lyramque resolutam
mode nato flore honorabat. Inter quos etiam picto-
rum amantium vultus tanquam in solitudine exclamavi •

' Idaeum Wehl: deum.
164

SATYRICON

force walk about in white shoes?" My expression
and my trembling showed that I had lied, and he
ordered me to hand over my arms and look out foi
myself. So I was not only robbed, but my revenge
was nipped in the bud. I went back to the inn,
and by degrees my courage cooled, and I began to
bless the footpad's effrontery. . . .

Poor Tantalus stands in water and never drinks,
nor plucks the fruit above his head : his own desires
torment him. So must a rich great man look when,
with everything before his eyes, he fears starvation,
and digests hunger dry-mouthed. . . .

It is not much use depending upon calculation when
Fate has methods of her own. . . .

I came into a gallery hung with a wonderful collec- 83
tion of various pictures. I saw the works of Zeuxis
not yet overcome by the defacement of time, and I
studied with a certain terrified wonder the rough
drawings of Protogenes, which rivalled the truth of
Nature herself. But when I came to the work of Apelles
the Greek which is called the One-legged, I positively
worshipped it. For the outlines of his figures were de-
fined with such subtle accuracy, that you would have
declared that he had painted their souls as well. In one
the eagle was carrying the Shepherd of Ida^ on high to
heaven, and in another fair Hj'las resisted a torment-
ing Naiad. Apollo^ passed judgement on his accursed
hands, and adorned his unstrung lyre with the new-
bom flower. I cried out as if 1 were in a desert,
among these faces of mere painted lovers. So even

' Ganymede, who became the cupbearer of Jupiter,

' Apollo killed Hyacinthus, a Spartan boy whom he loved,

by a mis-throw of the discus. The hyacinth flower sprang up

from the boy's blood.

165

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Ergo amor etiam decs tangit. luppiter in caelo suo
non invenit quod diligeret/ sed peccaturus in terris
nemini tamen iniuriam fecit. Hylan Nympha prae-
data temperasset^ amori suo, si venturum ad interdi-
ctum Herculem credidisset. Apollo pueri umbram
revocavit in florem, et omnes fabulae quoque sine
aemulo habuerunt complexus. At ego in societatem
recepi hospitem Lycurgo crudeliorem."

Ecce autem, ego dum cum ventis litigo, intravit
pinacothecam senex canus, exercitati vultus et qui
videretur nescio quid magnum promittere, sed cultu
non proinde speciosus, ut facile appareret eum ex hac
nota litteratum esse, quos odisse divites solent. Is
ergo ad latus constitit meum . . .

Ego" inquit poeta sum et ut spero, non humil-
limi spiritus, si' modo coronis aliquid credendum est,
quas etiam ad immeritos^ deferre gratia solet. ' Quare
ergo ' inquis tam male vestitus es ? ' Propter hoc
ipsum. Amor ingenii neminem unquana divitem fecit.
LO I Qui pelago credit, magno se faenore tollit;

qui pugnas et castra petit, praecingitur aurc ;
vilis adulator picto iacet ebrius ostro,
et qui sollicitat nuptas, ad praemia peccat:
sola pruinosis horret facundia pannis
atque inopi lingua desertas invocat artes.
84 Non dubie ita est : si quis vitiorum omnium inimicus
rectum iter vitae coepit insistere,^ primum propter
morum differentiam odium habet; quis enim potest
probare diversa ? Deinde qui solas extruere divitias

' diligferet sed Jacobs : eligferet et.

^ temperasset Buecheler : imperasset.

* immeritos Buecheler : imperitos.

*insistere cod. Messantensis : inspicere other MSS,

166

SATYRICON

the gods feel love. Jupiter in his heavenly home
could find no object for his passion, and came do^^-n
on earth to sin, yet did no one any harm. The Nj-mph
who ravished Hylas would have restrained her passion
had she believed that Hercules would come to dispute
her claim. Apollo recalled the ghost of a boy into a
flower, and all the stories tell of love's embraces with-
out a rival. But I have taken for my comrade a
friend more cruel than Lj'curgus himself."

Suddenly, as I strove thus with the empty air, a
white-haired old man^ came into the gallery. His face
was troubled, but there seemed to be the promise of
some great thing about him ; though he was shabby in
appearance, so that it was quite plain by this charac-
teristic that he was a man of letters, of the kind that
rich men hate. He came and stood by my side. . . .

I am a poet," he said, and one, I hope, of no mean
imagination, ifone can reckon at all by cro^v^ls of honour,
which gratitude can set even on unworthy heads. ' WTiy
are j'ou so badly dressed, then ? ' you ask. For that very
reason. The worship of genius never made a man rich.

The man who trusts the sea consoles himself with
high profits ; the man who follows war and the camp
is girded with gold; the base flatterer lies drunk on
a couch of purple dye ; the man who tempts young
^vives gets money for his sin ; eloquence alone shivers
in rags and cold, and calls upon a neglected art with
improfitable tongue.

Yes, that is certainly true : if a man dislikes all 84
vices, and begins to tread a straight path in life, he is
hated first of all because his character is superior ; for
who is able to like what differs from himself? Fur-
ther, those who only trouble about heaping up riches,
' Eumolpus.

167

THUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

curant, nihil volunt inter homines melius credi, quam
quod ipsi tenent. Insectantur^ itaque, quacunque
ratione possunt, litterarum amatores, ut videantur
illi quoque infra pecuniam positi" . . .
L I ' Nescio quo modo bonae mentis soror est pauper-
tas" . . .

Vellem, tam innocens esset frugalitatis meae
hostiSj ut deliniri posset. Nunc veteranus est latro
et ipsis lenonibus doctior" . . ,
85 In Asiam cum a quaestore essem stipendio eductus,

hospitium Pergami accepi. Ubi cum libenter habi-
tarem non solum propter cultum aedicularum, sed
etiam propter hospitis formosissimum filium, excogitavi
rationem, qua non essem patri familiae suspectus
amator. Quotiescunque enim in convivio de usu
formosorum mentio facta est, tam vehementer ex-
candui, tam sevei-a tristitia violari aures meas obsceno
sermone nolui, ut me mater praecipue tanquam unum
ex philosophis intueretur. lam ego coeperam ephebum
in gymnasium deducere, ego studia eius ordinare, ego
docere ac praecipere, ne quis praedator corporis ad-
mitteretur in domum . . .

Forte cum in triclinio iaceremus, quia dies sollemnis
ludum artaverat pigritiamque recedendi imposuerat
hilaritas longior, fere circa mediam noctem intellexi
puerum vigilare. Itaque timidissimo murmure votum
feci et 'domina' inquam Venus, si ego hunc puerum
basiavero, ita ut ille non sentiat, eras illi par colum-
barum donabo.' Audito voluptatis pretio puer ster-
tere coepit. Itaque aggressus simulantem aliquot
basiolis invasi. Contentus hoc principio bene mane
surrexi electumque par columbarum attuli expectanti
■ insectantur Buecheler : iactantur.
168

»ATYRICON

do not want anjrthing to be considered better than
what is in their own hands. So they persecute men
with a passion for learning in every possible yray, to
make them also look an inferior article to money. . . .

Somehow or other poverty is own sister to good
sense. . . .

I wish he that hates me for my virtue were so guilt-
less that he might be mollified. As it is he is a past
master of robbery, and more clever than any pimp."

In Asiam cum a quaestore essem stipendio eductus, 85
hospitium Pergami accepi. Ubi cum libenter habi-
tarem non solum propter cultum aedicularum, sed
etiam propter hospitis formosissimum filium, excogitavi
rationem, qua non essem patri familiae suspectus
amator. Quotiescunque enim in convivio de usu
formosorum mentio facta est, tam vehementer ex-
candui, tam severa tristitia violari aures meas obsceno
sermone nolui, ut me mater praecipue tanquam unum
ex philosophis intueretur. lam ego coeperam ephebum
in gynmasium deducere, ego studia eius ordinare, ego
docere ac praecipere, ne quis praedator corporis ad-
mitteretur in domum . . .

Forte cum in triclinio iaceremus, quia dies soUemnis
ludum artaverat pigritiamque recedendi imposuerat
hilaritas longior, fere circa mediam noctem intellexi
puerum vigilare. Itaque timidissimo murmure votum
feci et domina' inquam Venus, si ego hunc puerum
basiavero, ita ut ille non sentiat, eras illi par colum-
barum donabo.' Audito voluptatis pretio puer ster-
tere coepit. Itaque aggresjus simulantem aliquot
basiolis invasi. Contentus hoc principio bene mane
surrexi electumque par columbarum attuli expectanti

169

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

86 ac me voto exsolvi. Proxima nocte cum idem liceret,
mutavi optionem et si hunc' inquam tractavero im-
proba manu, et ille non senserit, gallos gallinaceos
pugnacissimos duos donabo patienti.' Ad hoc votum
ephebus ultro se admovit et, puto, vereri coepit, ne
ego obdoiTniscerem. Indulsi ergo sollicito, totoque
corpore citra summam voluptatem me ingurgitavi.
Deinde ut dies venit, attuli gaudenti quicquid promise-
ram. Ut tertia nox licentiam dedit, consurrexi . . .
ad aurem male dormientis dii' inquam immortales,
si ego huic dormienti abstulero coitum plenum et
optabilem, pro liac felicitate eras puero asturconem
Macedonicum optimum donabo, cum hac tamen ex-
ceptione, si ille non senserit.' Nunquam altiore
somno ephebus obdormivit. Itaque primum implevi
lactentibus papillis manus, mox basio inhaesi, deinde
in unum omnia vota coniunxi. Mane sedere in
cubiculo coepit atque expectare consuetudinem meam.
Scis quanto facilius sit, columbas gallosque gallinaceos
emere quam asturconem, et praeter hoc etiam timebam,
ne tam grande munus suspectam faceret humanitatem
meam. Ego aliquot horis spatiatus in hospitium reverti
nihilque aliud quam puerum basiavi. At ille circum-
spiciens ut cervicem meam iunxit amplexu, rogo'
inquit domine, ubi est asturco?" . . .

87 Cum ob hanc ofFensam praeclusissem mihi aditum,
quern feceram, iterum ad licentiam redii. Interpositis
enim paucis diebus, cum similis casus nos in eandem
fortunam rettulisset, ut intellexi stertere patrem,
rogare coepi ephebum, ut reverteretur in gratiam
mecum, id est ut pateretur satis fieri sibi, et cetera
quae libido distenta dictat. At ille plane iratus nihil
aliud dicebat nisi hoc: "aut dormi, aut ego iam dicam
patri." Nihil est tam arduum, quod non improbitas

170

SATYRICON

ac me voto exsolvi. Proxima nocte cum idem liceret, 86

mutavi optionem et si hunc ' inquam tractavero im-
proba manu, et ille non senserit, gallos gallinaceos
pugnacissimos duos donabo patienti.' Ad hoc votum
ephebus ultro se admovit et, puto, vereri coepit, ne
ego obdormiscerem. Indulsi ergo sollicito, totoque
corpore citra sumniam voluptatem me ingurgitavi.
Deinde ut dies venit, attuli gaudenti quicquid promise-
ram. Ut tertia nox licentiam dedit, consurrexi . . .
ad aurem male dormientis dii ' inquam immortales,
si ego huic dormienti abstulero coitum plenum et
optabilemj pro hac felicitate eras puero asturconem
Macedonicum optimum donabo, cum hac tamen ex-
ceptione, si ille non senserit.' Nunquam altiore
somno ephebus obdormivit. Itaque primum implevi
lactentibus papillis manus, mox basio inhaesi, deinde
in unum omnia vota coniunxi. Mane sedere in
cubiculo coepit atque expectare consuetudinem meam.
Scis quanto facilius sit, columbas gallosque gallinaceos
emerequam asturconem, et praeter hoc etiam timebam,
ne tam grande munus suspectam faceret humanitatem
meam. Ego aliquot horis spatiatus in hospitium reverti
nihilque aliud quam puerum basiaxi. At ille circum-
spiciens ut cervicem meam iunxit amplexu, rogo *
inquit domine, ubi est asturco?" . . .

Cum ob hanc ofFensam praeclusissem mihi aditum, 87
quem feceram, iterum ad licentiam redii. Interpositis
enim paucis diebus, cum similis casus nos in eandem
fortunam rettulisset, ut intellexi stertere patrem,
rogare coepi ephebum, ut reverteretur in gratiam
mecum, id est ut pateretur satis fieri sibi, et cetera
quae libido distenta dictat. At ille plane iratus nihil
aliud dicebat nisi hoc : aut dormi, aut ego iam dicam
patri." Nihil est tam arduum, quod non improbitas

171

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

extorqueat. Dum dicit: patrem excitabo/' irrepsi
tamen et male repugnant! gaudium extorsi. At ille
non indelectatus nequitia mea, postquam diu questus
est deceptum se et derisum traductumque inter con-
discipuloSj quibus iactasset censum meum, videris
tamen" inquit non ero tui similis. Si quid viSj fac
iterum." Ego vero deposita omni offensa cum puero
in gratiam redii ususque beneficio eius in somnum
delapsus sum. Sed non fuit contentus iteratione ephe-
bus plenae maturitatis et annis ad patiendum gesti-
entibus. Itaque excitavit me sopitum et numquid
vis?" inquit. Et non plane iam molestum erat munus.
Uteunque igitur inter anhelitus sudoresque tritus,
quod volueratj accepit, rursusque in somnum deeidi
gaudio lassus. Interposita minus hora pungere me
raanu coepit et dicere: quare non facimus?" turn
ego totiens excitatus plane vehementer excandui et
reddidi illi voces suas: aut dormi, aut ego iam patri
dicam ' " . . .

S 8 Erectus his sermonibus consul ere prudentiorem coepi
aetates tabularum et quaedam argumenta mihi obscu-
ra simulque causam desidiae praesentis excutere,
cum pulcherrimae artes perissent, inter quas pictura
ne minimum quidem sui vestigium reliquisset. Turn
ille "pecuniae" inquit ' cupiditas haec tropica insti-

LO tuit. I Priscis enim temporibus, cum adliuc nuda virtus
placeret, vigebant artes ingenuae summumque certa-
men inter homines erat, ne quid profuturum saeculis
diu lateret. Itaque herbarum omnium sucos Demo-
critus expressit, et ne lapidum virgultorumque vis
lateret, aetatem inter experimenta consumpsit Eu-
doxos [quidem] in cacumine excelsissimi moiitis con-

172

SATYRICON

extorqueat. Dum dicit: patrem excitabo," irrepsi
tamen et male repugnant! gaudium extorsi. At ille
non indelectatus nequitia mea, postquam diu questus
est deceptum se et derisum traductumque inter con-
discipulos, quibus iactasset censum meum, videris
tamen" inquit non ero tui similis. Si quid vis, fac
iterum." Ego vero deposita omni offensa cum puero
in gratiam redii ususque beneficio eius in somnum
delapsus sum. Sed non fuit contentus iteratione ephe-
bus plenae maturitatis et annis ad patiendum gesti-
entibus. Itaque excita\-it me sopitum et ' numquid
vis?" inquit. Etnon plane iam molestum erat munus.
Utcunque igitur inter anhelitus sudoresque tritus,
quod voluerat, accepit^ rursusque in somnum decidi
gaudio lassus. Interposita minus hora pungere me
manu coepit et dicere : quare non facimus?" turn
ego totiens excitatus plane vehementer excandui et
reddidi lUi voces suas : aut dormi, aut ego iam patri
dicam' "...

Encouraged by his conversation, I began to draw on 88
his knowledge about the age of the pictures, and about
some of the stories Avhich puzzled me, and at the same
time to discuss the decadence of the age, since the
fine arts had died, and painting, for instance, had left
no trace of its existence behind. Love of money
began this revolution," he replied. In former ages
virtue was still loved for her own sake, the noble arts
flourished, and there were the keenest struggles
among mankind to prevent anything being long un-
discovered which might benefit posterity. So Demo-
critus extracted the juice of every plant on earth, and
spent his whole Ufe in experiments to discover the
virtues of stones and twigs. Eudoxos grew old on the
top of a high moimtain in order to trace the move-

173

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

senuit, ut astrorum caelique motus deprehenderet, et
ChrysippuSj ut ad inveiitionem sufficeret, ter elleboro
animum detersit. Verum ut ad plastas convertar,
Lysippum statuae unius lineamentis inhaerentem in-
opia extinxit, et Myron, qui paene animas hominum
ferarumque aere comprehenderat, non invenit here-
dem. At nos vino scortisque demersi ne paratas
quidem artes audemus cognoscere, sed accusatores
antiquitatis vitia tantum docemus et discimus. Ubi
est dialectica? Ubi astronomia? Ubi sapientiae cul-
tissima via ? Quis unquam venit in templum et votum
fecitj si ad eloquentiam pervenisset? Quis, si philo-
sophiae fontem attigisset? Ac ne bonam quidem
mentem aut bonam valitudinem petunt, sed statim
ftntequam limen Capitolii tangant, alius donum pro-
mittit, si propinquum divitem extulerit, alius, si the-
saurum efFoderit, alius, si ad trecenties sestertium
salvus pervenerit. Ipse senatus, recti bonique prae-
ceptor, mille pondo auri Capitolio promittere solet, et
ne quis dubitet pecuniam concupiscere, lovem quoque
peculio exornat. Noli ergo mirari, si pictura defecit,
cum omnibus diis hominibusque formosior videatur
massa auri, quam quicquid Apelles Phidiasque, Grae-
89 culi delirantes, fecerunt. Sed video te totum in ilia
haerere tabula, quae Troiae halosin ostendit. Itaque
conabor opus versibus pandere:

lam decima maestos inter ancipites metus
Phrygas obsidebat messis et vatis fides
Calchantis atro dubia pendebat metu,
cum Delio profante caesi vertices
Idae trahuntur scissaque in molem cadunt

* cultissima cod. Paris. 68^2 D : consultissima other MSS,
174

SATYRICON

ments of the stars arxd the sky, and Chrysippus three
times cleared his wits with hellebore to improve his
powers of invention. If j'ou turn to sculptors, Lysip-
pus died of starvation as he brooded over the lines of
a single statue, and MjTon, who almost caught the
very soul of men and beasts in bronze, left no heir
behind him. But we are besotted with wine and
women, and cannot rise to understand even the arts
that are developed ; we slander the past, and learn and
teach nothing but vices. WTiere is dialectic now, or
astronomy? Where is the exquisite way of wisdom?
WTio has ever been to a temple and made an offering
in order to attain to eloquence, or to drink of the waters
of philosophy ? They do not even ask for good sense
or good health, but before they even touch the thres-
hold of the Capitol, one promises an offering if he
may bury his rich neighbour, another if he may
dig up a hid treasure, another if he may make thirty
millions in safetj'. Even the Senate, the teachers of
what is right and good, often promise a thousand
pounds in gold to the Capitol, and decorate even
Jupiter with pelf, that no one need be ashamed of
prajing for money. So there is nothing surprising in
the decadence of painting, when all the gods and men
think an ingot of gold more beautiful than anything
those poor crazy Greeks, Apelles and Phidias, ever did.

But I see your whole attention is riveted on that 89
picture, which represents the fall of Troy. Well, I
will try and explain the situation in verse :

It was now the tenth harvest of the siege of the
Trojans, who were worn with anxious fear, and the
honour of Calchas the prophet stood wavering in dark
dread, when at Apollo's bidding the wooded peaks of
Ida were felled and dragged down, and the sawn

175

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

robora, minacem quae figurarent^ equum.
Aperitur ingens antrum et obducti specus,
qui castra caperent. Hue decenni proelio
irata virtus abditur, stipaut graves
Danai recessus, in suo voto latent.
O patria^ pulsas mille credidimus rates
solumque bello liberum : hoc titulus fero
incisus, hoe ad furta^ compositus Sinon
firmabat et mens semper^ in damnum potens.

lam turba portis libera ac bello carens
in vota properat. Fletibus manant genae
mentisque pavidae gaudium laerimas habet,
quas metus abegit. Namque Neptuno sacer
crinem solutus omne Laocoon replet
clamore vulgus. Mox reducta cuspide
uterum notavit, fata sed tardant manus,
ictusque resilit et dolis addit fidem.
Iterum tamen eonfirmat invalidam manum
altaque bipenni latera pertemptat. Fremit
captiva pubes intus et, dum murmurat,
roborea moles spirat alieno metu.
Ibat iuventus capta, dum Troiam eapit,
bellumque totum fraude ducebat nova.

Ecce alia monstra : eelsa qua Tenedos mare
dorso replevit, tumida eonsurgunt freta
undaque resultat scissa tranquillo minor,
qualis sileuti nocte remorum sonus
longe refertur, cum premunt classes mare
pulsumque marmor abiete imposita gemit.
Respicimus : angues orbibus geminis ferunt
ad saxa fluctus, tumida quorum pectora

' figurarent Pithoeus, Tomaesius : figurabat.

' furta Buecheler : fata.

* mens semper cod. Autissiodurensis : mendatium semper
cod, Paris. 6842 D : mendacium other MSS,

176

SATYRICON

planks fitted to a shape that resembled a war-horse.
Within it a great hollow was opened, and a hidden
cave that could shelter a host. In this the warriors
who chafed at a war ten years long were packed away;
the baleful Greeks fill every comer, and lie waiting in
their own votive oifering. Ah I my country! we
thought the thousand ships were beaten off, and
the land released from strife. The inscription carved
on the horse, and Sinon's crafty bearing, and his
mind ever powerful for evil, all strengthened our
hope.

Now a crowd hurries from the gate to worship, care-
less and free of the war. Their cheeks are wet with
tears, and the joy of their trembling souls brings to
their eyes tears that terror had banished. Laocoon,
priest of Neptune, with hair unbound, stirs the whole
assembly to cry aloud. He drew back his spear and
gashed the belly of the horse, but fate stayed his hand,
the spear leaped back, and won us to trust the fraud.
But he nerved his feeble hand a second time, and
sounded the deep sides of the horse with an axe.
The young soldiers shut within breathed loud, and
while the sound lasted the wooden mass gasped \vith
a terror that was not its own. The prisoned warriors
went forward to make Troy prisoner, and waged all
the war by a new subtlety.

There followed further portents ; where the steep
ridge of Tenedos breaks the sea, the billows rise and
swell, and the shattered wave leaps back hollowing
the calm, sounding like the noise of oars borne far
through the silent night, when ships bear down the
ocean, and the calm is stirred and splashes under the
burden of the keel. We look back : the tide carries two
coiling snakes towards the rocks, their swollen breasts

N 177

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

rates ut altae lateribus spumas agunt.
Dat Cauda sonitum^ liberae ponto^ iubae
consentiunt luminibus^ fulmineum iubar
incendit aequor sibilisque undae fremunt.
Stupuere mentes. Infulis stabant sacri
Phrygioque cultu gemina nati pignora
Lauconte. Quos repente tergoribus ligant
angues corosci. Parvulas illi manus
ad ora referunt, neuter auxilio sibi,
uterque fratri: transtulit pietas vices
morsque ipsa miseros mutuo perdit metu.
Accumulat ecce liberum funus parens,
infirmus auxiliator. Invadunt virum
lam morte pasti membraque ad terram trahunt.
lacet sacerdos inter aras victima
terramque plangit. Sic profanatis sacris
peritura Troia perdidit primum deos.

lam plena Phoebe candidum extulerat iubar
minora ducens astra radianti face,
cum inter sepultos Priamidas nocte et mere
Danai relaxant claustra et efFundunt viros.
Temptant in armis se duces, ecu ubi solet
nodo remissus Thessali quadrupes iugi
cervicem et altas quatere ad excursum iubas.
Gladios retractant, commovent orbes manu
bellumque sumunt. Hie graves alius mere
obtruncat et continuat in mortem ultimam
somnos, ab aris alius accendit faces
contraque Troas invocat Troiae sacra." . . .

90 L I Ex is, qui in porticibus spatiabantur, lapides in
Eumolpum recitantem miserunt. At ille, qui plau-
sum ingenii sui noverat, operuit caput extraque tem-

* ponto Sambucus, Tomaesius : pontem L : pontum O.
178

SATYRICON

like tall ships thro^ving the foam from their sides.
Their tails crash through the sea, their crests move
free over the open water, fierce as their eyes;
a brilliant beam kindles the waves, and the waters
resound with their hissing. Our heartbeats stopped.
The priests stood wreathed for sacrifice with the two
sons of Laocoon in Phrygian raiment. Suddenly the
gleaming snakes twine their bodies round them.
Tlie boys throw up their little hands to their faces,
neither helping himself, but each his brother: such
was the exchange of love, and death himself slew both
poor children by their unselfish fear. Then before our
eyes the father, a feeble helper, laid his own body
down upon his children's. The snakes, now gorged with
death, attacked the man and dragged his limbs to the
ground. The priest Ues a victim before his altars and
beats the earth. Thus the doomed city of Troy first
lost her gods by profaning their worship.

Now Phoebe at the full lifted up her white beam,
and led forth the smaller stars with her glowiag torch,
and the Greeks unbarred the horse, and p>oured out their
warriors among Priam's sons dro\vned in darkness and
wine. The leaders try their strength in arms, as a
steed untied from the Thessalian yoke mil toss his head
and lofty mane as he rushes forth. They draw their
swords, brandish their shields, and begin the fight.
One slays Trojans heavy with drink, and prolongs
their sleep to death that endeth all, another lights
torches from the altars, and calls on the holy places of
Troy to fight against the Trojans.' "...

Some of the people who were walking in the gal- 90
leries threw stones at Emnolpus as he recited. He
recognized this tribute to his genius, covered his head,
and fled out of the temple. I was afraid that he

n2 179

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

plum profugit. Timui ego, ne me poetam voearet.
Itaque subsecutus fugientem ad litus perveni, et ut
primum extra tali coniectum licuit consistere, Rogo"
inquam quid tibi vis cum isto morbo? Minus quam
duabus horis mecum moraris, et saepius poetice quam
humane locutus es. Itaque non miror, si te populus
lapidibus persequitur. Ego quoque sinum meum saxis
onerabo, ut quotiescunque coeperis a te exire, sangui-
nem tibi a capite mittam." Movit ille vultum et O
mi " inquit adulescens, non hodie primus auspicatus
sum. Immo quoties theatrum, ut recitarem aliquid,
intravi, hac me adventicia excipere frequentia solet
Ceterum ne [et] tecum quoque habeam rixandum,
toto die me ab hoc cibo abstinebo." Immo" inquam
ego si eiuras hodiernam bilem, una cenabimus "...
Mando aedicularum custodi cenulae officium . . .
91 Video Gitona cum linteis et strigilibus parieti appli-
citum tristem confusumque. Scires, non libenter
servire. Itaque ut experimentum oculorum caperem
convertit ille solutum gaudio vultum et Miserere "
inquit fi*ater. Ubi arma non sunt, libere loquor.
Eripe me latroni cruento et qualibet saevitia paeni-
tentiam iudicis tui puni. Satis magnum erit misero
solflciiun, tua voluntate cecidisse." Supprimere ego
querellam iubeo, ne quis consilia deprehenderet, re-
lictoque Eumolpo — nam in balneo carmen recitabat —
per tenebrosum et sordidum egressum extraho Gitona
raptimque in hospitium meum pervolo Praeclusis
180

S AT Y EICON

would call me a poet. So I followed him in his flight,
and came to the beach, and as soon as we were out of
range and could stop, I said, Tell me, cannot you
get rid of your disease ? You have been in my com-
pany less than two hours, and you have talked more
often like a poet than like a man. I am not surprised
that the crowd pursue you with stones. I shall load
my pockets with stones too, and whenever you begin
to forget yourself I shall let blood from your head."
His expression altered, and he said, ' My dear young
friend, I have been blessed like this before to-day.
Whenever I go into the theatre to recite anything,
the people's way is to welcome me with this kind ot
present. But I do not want to have an3rthing to quar-
rel Avith you about, so I will keep off this food for a
whole day." Well," said I, if you forswear your
madness for to-day, we will dine together." . . .

I gave the house-porter orders about our supper. . . .

I saw Giton, with some towels and scrapers, hug- 91
ging the wall in sad embarrassment. You could see
he was not a willing slave. So to enable me to catch
his eye he turned roimd, his face softened with
pleasure, and he said. Forgive me, brother. As
there are no deadly weapons here, I speak freely.
Take me away from this bloody robber and punish me
as cruelly as you like, your penitent judge. ^ It will be
quite enough consolation for my misery to die because
you wish it." I told him to stop his lamentation, for
fear anyone should overhear our plans. We left
Eumolpus behind — he was reciting a poem in the
bathroom — and I took Giton out by a dark, dirty
exit, and flew with all speed to my lodgings. Then

' The words refer to the phrase in c. 80 commisi iudici (sc
Gitoni) litem, where Encolpius left Giton to choose between
himself and Ascyltos. joj

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

deinde foribus invado pectus amplexibus et perfusum
OS lacrimis vultu meo contero. Diu vocem neuter in-
venit; nam puer etiam singultibus crebris amabile
pectus quassaverat. O facinus " inquam indignum,
quod amo te quamvis relictus, et in hoc pectore^ cum
vulnus ingens fuerit^ cicatrix non est. Quid dicis,
peregrini amoris concessio? Dignus hac iniuria
fui?" Postquam se amari sensit^ supercilium altius
sustulit . . .

Nee amoris arbitrium ad alium iudicem detuli.^ Sed
nihil iam queror, nihil iam memini^ si bona fide paeni-
tentiam emendas." Haec cum inter gemitus lacri-
masque fudissem^ detersit ille pallio vultum et Quaeso "
inquit Encolpi, fidem memoriae tuae appello : ego
te reliqui, an tu me prodidisti? Equidem fateor et
prae me fero : cum duos armatos viderem, ad fortiorem
confugi." Exosculatus pectus sapientia plenum inieci
cervicibus manus, et ut facile intellegeret redisse me in
gratiam et optima fide reviviscentem amicitiam^ toto
pectore adstrinxi.
92 Et iam plena nox erat mulierque cenae mandata
curaverat, cum Eumolpus ostium pulsat. Interrogo
ego: quot estis?" obiterque per rimam foris specu-
lari diligentissime coepi, num Ascyltos una venisset.
Deinde ut solum hospitem vidi, momento recepi. Ille
ut se in grabatum reiecit viditque Gitona in conspectu
ministrantem, movit caput et Laudo" inquit Gany-
medem. Oportet hodie bene sit." Non delectavit
me tarn curiosum principium timuique, ne in contu-
' detuli Buecheler : tuli and tuliU
182

SATYRICON

I shut the door and warmly embraced him, and rub-
bed my face against his cheek, which was wet "with
tears. For a time neither of us could utter a sound ;
the boy's fair bodj- shook with continuous sobs. ' It
is a shame and a wonder!" I cried. You left me, and
yet I love you, and no scar is left over my heart,
where the wound was so deep. Have you any excuse
for yielding your love to a stranger? Did I deserve
this blow?" As soon as he felt that I loved him, he
began to hold his head up. . . .

I laid our love's cause before no other judge.
But I make no complaint, I will forget all, if you
will prove your penitence by keeping your word." I
poured out my words with groans and tears, but Giton
wiped his face on his cloak, and said. Now, Encol-
pius, I ask you, I appeal to your honest memory ; did
I leave j'ou, or did you betray me ? I admit, I confess
it openly, that when I saw two armed men
before me, I hurried to the side of the stronger." I
pressed my Ups to his dear wise heart, and put my
arms round his neck, and hugged him close to me, to
make it quite plain that I was in amity with him
again, and that our fiiendship lived afresh in perfect
confidence.

It was now quite dark, and the woman had seen 92
to our orders for supper, when Eumolpus knocked at
the door. I asked. How many of you are there?"
and began as I spoke to look carefully through a chink
in the door to see whether Ascyltos had come with
him. When I saw that he was the only visitor, I let
him in at once. He threw himself on a bed, and when
he saw Giton before his eyes waiting at table, he wagged
his head and said, I like your Ganymede. To-day
should be a fine time for us." I was not pleased

183

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

bernium recepissem Ascylti parem. Instat Eumolpus,
et cum puer illi potionem dedisset, ' Malo te " inquit
quam balneum totum " siccatoque avide poculo ne-
gat sibi unquam acidius fuisse. Nam et dum lavor"
ait paene vapulavi^ quia conatus sum circa solium
sedentibus carmen recitare^ et postquam de balneo
tanquam de theatre eiectus sum, circuire omnes angu-
los coepi et clara voce Encolpion clamitare. Ex altera
parte iuvenis nudus, qui vestimenta perdiderat, non
minore clamoris indignatione Gitona flagitabat. Et
me quidem pueri tanquam insanum imitatione petu-
lantissima deriserunt, ilium autem frequentia ingeny
circumvenit cum plausu et admiratione tiniidissima.
Habebat enim inguinum pondus tam grande, ut ipsum
hominem laciniam fascini crederes. O iuvenem labo-
riosum: puto ilium pridie incipere, postero die finire.
Itaque statim invenit auxilium; nescio quis enim,
eques Romanus ut aiebant infamis, sua veste errantem
circumdedit ac domum abduxit, credo, ut tam magna
fortuna solus uteretur. At ego ne mea quidem vesti-
menta ab officioso custode recepissem, nisi notorem
dedissem. Tanto magis expedit inguina quam ingenia
fricare." Haec Eumolpo dicente mutabam ego fre-
quentissime vultum, iniuriis scilicet inimici mei hilaris,
commodis tristis. Utcunque tamen, tanquam non agno-
scerem fabulam, tacui et cenae ordinem explicui . . .
93 " Vile est, quod licet, et animus errori intentus^
iniurias diligit.

' errori intentus Buecheler: errore lentus.
184

SATYRICON

at this inquisitive opening; I was afraid I had let
Ascyltos's double into the lodgings. Eumolpus per-
sisted, and, when the boy brought him a drink, said,
" I like you better than the whole bathful." He
greedily drank the cup dry, and said he had never
taken anji;hing with a sharper tang in it. ' WTiy, I
was nearly flogged while I was washing," he cried,
" because I tried to go round the bath and recite
poetry to the people sitting in it, and when I was
thro-wTi out of the bathroom as if it were a theatre, I
began to look round all the comers, and shouted for
Encolpius in a loud voice. In another part of the
place a naked young man who had lost his clothes
kept clamouring for Giton with equally noisy indigna-
tion. The boys laughed at me with saucy mimicry as
if I were crazy, but a large crowd surrounded him,
clapping their hands and humbly admiring. Habebat
enim inguinum pondus tarn grande, ut ipsum hominem
laciniam fascini crederes. O iuvenem laboriosum:
puto ilium pridie incipere, postero die finire. So he
found an ally at once: some Roman knight or other,
a low fellow, they said, put his own clothes on him as
he strayed round, and took him off home, I suppose,
ut tam magna fortuna solus uteretur. I should never
have got my o's\ti clothes back from the troublesome
attendant if I had not produced a voucher. Tanto
magis expedit inguina quam ingenia fricare." . As
Eumolpus told me all this, my expression kept
changing, for of course I laughed at my enemy's
straits and frowned on his fortune. But anyhow
I kept quiet as if I did not know what the story was
about, and set forth our bill of fare. . . .

WTiat we may have we do not care about; our 93
minds are bent on folly and love what is troublesome.

1»5

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Ales Phasiacis petita Colchis
atque Afrae volucres placent palato,
quod non sunt faciles : at albus anser
et pictis anas enovata^ pennis
plebeium sapit. Ultimis ab oris
attractus scarus atque arata Syrtis,
si quid naufragio dedit, probatui* :
mullus iam gravis est. Arnica vincit
uxorem. Rosa ciimamum veretur.
Quicquid quaeritur, optimum videtur."
Hoc est " inquam quod promiseras, ne quem
hodie versum faceres ? per fidem, saltem nobis parce,
qui te nunquam lapidavimus. Nam si aliquis ex is,
qui in eodem synoecio potant, nomen poetae olfecerit,
totam concitabit viciniam et nos omnes sub eadem
causa obruet. Miserere et aut pinacothecam aut bal-
neum cogita." Sic me loquentem obiurgavit Giton,
mitissimus puer, et negavit recte facere, quod seniori
conviciarer simulque oblitus officii mensam, quam
humanitate posuissem^ contumelia tollerem, multaque
alia moderationis verecundiaeque verba, quae formam
eius egregie decebant. . . .
94 LO I " O felicem " inquit matrem tuam, quae te talem
peperit : macte virtute esto. Raram fecit mixturam
cum sapientia forma. Itaque ne putes te tot verba
perdidisse, amatorem invenisti. Ego laudes tuas car-
minibus implebo. Ego paedagogus et custos etiam
quo non iusseris, sequar. Nee iniuriam Encolpius
accipit, alium amat." Profuit etiam Eumolpo miles
ille, qui mihi abstulit gladium ; alioquin quem animum
adversus Ascylton sumpseram, eum in Eumolpi san-
guinem exercuissem. Nee fefellit hoc Gitona. Ita-
que extra cellam processit, tanquam aquam peteret,
^ enovata Pithoeus: renovata.

186

SATYRICON

The bird won from Q)lchis where Phasis flows, and
fowls from Africa, are sweet to taste because they
are not easy to win ; but the white goose and the duck
with bright new feathers have a common savour.
The wrasse drawn from far-off shores, and the yield of
wrinkled Syrtis is praised if first it wrecks a boat : the
mullet by now is a weariness. The mistress eclipses
the wife, the rose bows down to the cinnamon. WTiat
men must seek after seems ever best."

" What about your promise, that you would not
make a single verse to-day?" I said. On your
honour, spare us at least : we have never stoned you.
If a single one of the people who are drinking in the
same tenement A^ith us scents the name of a poet, he
will rouse the whole neighboiu-hood and ruin us all for
the same reason. Spare us then, and remember the
picture-gallery or the baths." Giton, the gentle boy,
reproved me when I spoke thus, and said that I was
wrong to rebuke my elders, and forget my duty so far
as to spoil with my insults the dinner I had ordered
out of kindness, with much more tolerant and modest
ad\ice which well became his beautiful self. . . .

Happy was the mother who bore such a son as you," 94
he said, be good and prosper. Beauty and wisdom
make a rare conjunction. And do not think that all
j'our words have been wasted. In me you have fotmd
a lover. I will do justice to your worth in verse. I will
teach and protect you, and follow you even where you do
not bid me. I do Encolpius no wrong; he loves another."

That soldier who took away my sword did Eumolpus
a good turn too ; otherwise I would have appeased the
\^Tath raised in me against Ascyltos with the blood of
Eumolpus. Giton was not blind to this. So he went
out of the room on a pretence of fetching water, and

187

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

iramque meam prudenti absentia extinxit. Paululura
ergo intepescente saevitia Eumolpe " inquam iam
malo vel carminibus loquaris, quam eiusmodi tibi vota
proponas. Et ego iracundus sum^ et tu libidinosus :
vide, quam non conveniat his moribus. Puta igitur
me furiosum esse, cede insaniae, id est ocius foras exi."
H Confusus hac denuntiatione Eumolpus non quaesiit
iracundiae causam, sed continue limen egressus ad-
duxit repente ostium celiac meque nihil tale expe-
etantem inclusit, exemitque raptim clavem et ad Gitona
investigandum cucurrit.

Inclusus ego suspendio vitam finire constitui. Et
iam semicinctio lectii}- stantis ad parietem spondam
vinxeram cervicesque nodo condebam, cum reseratis
foribus intrat Eumolpus cum Gitone meque a fatali
iam meta revocat ad lucem. Giton praecipue ex do-
lore in rabiem efferatus toUit clamorem, me utraque
manu impulsum praecipitat super lectum, erras "
inquit Encolpi, si putas contingere posse, ut ante
moriaris. Prior coepi ; in Ascylti hospitio gladium
quaesivi. Ego si te non invenissem, periturus per
praecipitia fui. Et ut scias non longe esse quaeren-
tibus mortem, specta invicem, quod me spectare vo-
luisti. ' ' Haec locutus mercennario Eumolpi novaculam
rapit et semel iterumque cervice percussa ante pedes
collabitur nostros. Exclamo ego attonitus, secutusque
• labentem eodem ferramento ad mortem viam quaero.
Sed neque Giton ulla erat suspicione vulneris laesus,
neque ego ullum sentiebam dolorem. Rudis enim
' lecti added by Buecheler.
188

SATYRICON

quenched my wrath by his tactful departure. Then,
as my fury cooled a little, I said, I would prefer even
that you should talk poetry now, Eumolpus, rather
than harbour such hopes. I am choleric, and you are
lecherous: you understand that these dispositions do
not suit each other. Well, regard me as a maniac,
yield to my infirmity, in short, get out quick."
Eumolpus was staggered by this attack, and never
asked why I was angry, but went out of the room at
once and suddenly banged the door, taking me com-
pletely by surprise and shutting me in. He pulled out
the key in a moment and ran off to look for Giton.

I was locked in. I made up my mind to hang my-
self and die. I had just tied a belt to the frame of a
bed which stood by the Mall, and was pushing my neck
into the noose, when the door was unlocked, Eumolpus
came in with Giton, and called me back to light from
the very bomne of death. Nay, Giton passed from
grief to raving madness, and raised a shout, pushed me
with both hands and threw me on the bed, and cried,
Encolpius, you are MTong if you suppose you could
possibly die before me. I thought of suicide first ; I
looked for a sword in Ascyltos's lodgings. If I had
not found you I would have hurled mjself to death
over a precipice. I will show you that death stands
close by those who seek him : behold in your turn the
scene you wished me to behold."

With these words he snatched a razor from Eumol-
pus's ser\'ant, drew it once, tv^ice across his throat, and
tumbled down at our feet. I gave a cry of horror,
rushed to him as he fell, and sought the road of death
with the same steel. But Giton was not marked with
any trace of a wound, and I did not feel the least
pain. The razor was untempered, and specially blunted

189

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

novacula et in hoc retusa, ut pueris discentibus auda-
ciam tonsoris daret, instruxerat thecam. Ideoque nee
mercennarius ad raptum ferramentum expaverat, nee
Eumolpus interpellaverat mimicam mortem.
95 LO I Dum haec fabula inter amantes luditur, dever-
sitor cum parte cenulae intervenit, contemplatusque
foedissimam volutationem iacentium rogo" inquit
ebrii estis, an fugitivi, an utrumque? Quis autem
grabatum ilium erexit^ aut quid sibi vult tam furtiva
molitio? Vos mehercules ne mercedem celiac daretis,
fugere nocte in publicum voluistis. Sed non impune.
lam enim faxo sciatis non viduae hanc insulam esse
sed M. Mannicii." Exclamat Eumolpus etianr
minaris?" simulque os hominis palma excussissima
pulsat. Ille tot hospitum potionibus liberum urceo-
lum fictilem in Eumolpi caput iaculatus est solvitque
clamantis frontem et de cella se proripuit. Eumolpus
contumeliae impatiens rapit ligneum candelabrum
sequiturque abeuntem et creberrimis ictibus super-
cilium suum vindicat. Fit concursus familiae liospi-
tumque ebriorum frequentia. Ego autem nactus
occasionem vindictae Eumolpum excludo, redditaque
scordalo vice sine aemulo scilicet et cella utor et
nocte.

Interim coctores insulariique mulcant exelusum et
alius veru extis stridentibus plenum in oculos eius
intentat, alius furca de carnario rapta statum proelian-
tis componit. Anus praecipue lippa, sordidissimo
praecincta linteo^ soleis ligneis imparibus imposita,
190

SATYRICON

in order to give boy pupils the courage of a barber :
and so it had gro^^■n a sheath. So the servant had not
been alarmed when the steel was snatched from him,
and Eumolpus did not interrupt our death-scene.

WTiile this lover's play was being performed, an 95
inmate of the house came in with part of our little
dinner, and after looking at us rolling in disarray on
the ground he said. Are you drunk, please, or run-
away slaves, or both ? Who turned the bed up there,
and M'hat do all these sneaking contrivances mean?
I declare you meant to run off in the dark into the
public street rather than pay for your room. But you
shall pay for it. I will teach you that these lodgings do
not belong to a poor widow, but to Marcus Mannicius."
"what?" shouted Eumolpus, " j'ou dare threaten us.*
And as he sp)oke he struck the man in the face with all
the force of his outstretched hand. The man hurled a
little earthenware p>ot, which was empty, all the guests
having dnmk from it, at Eumolpus' s head, broke
the skin of his forehead in the midst of his clamour, and
rushed out of the room. Eumolpus would not brook
an insult ; he seized a wooden candlestick and followed
the lodger out, and avenged his bloody forehead with
a rain of blows. All the household ran up, and a
crowd of drunken lodgers. I had a chance of
punishing Eumolpus, and I shut him out, and so got
even with the bully, and of course had tlie room and
my sleep to myself without a rival.

Meanwhile cooks and lodgers belaboured him now
that he was locked out, and one thrust a spit fiill
of hissing meat into his eyes, another took a fork from
a dresser and struck a fighting attitude. Above all, a
blear-eyed old woman with a verj' dirty linen A^-rap
round her. balancing herself on an imeven pair of

191

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

canem ingentis magnitudinis catena trahit instigatque
in Eumolpon. Sed ille candelabro se ab omni peri-
culo vindicabat. Videbamus nos omnia per foramen

96 valvae, quod paulo ante ansa ostioli rupta laxaverat,
favebamque ego vapulanti. Giton autem non oblitus
misericordiae suae reserandum esse ostium succurren-
dumque periclitanti censebat. Ego durante adhuc
iracundia non continui manum, sed caput miserantis
stricto acutoque articulo percussi. Et ille quidem
flens consedit in lecto. Ego autem alternos oppone-

L bam foramini oculos iniuriaque Eumolpi | velut quo-
LO dam cibo me replebam i advocationemque commen-
dabam, cum procurator insulae Bargates a cena
excitatus a duobus lecticariis in mediam rixam per-
fertur; nam erat etiam pedibus aeger, is ut rabiosa
barbaraque voce in ebrios fugitivosque diu peroravit,
respiciens ad Eumolpon o poetarum" inquit diser-
tissime, tu eras? Et non discedunt ocius nequissimi
servi manusque continent a rixa?" . . .
L j Contubernalis mea mihi fastum facit. Ita si, me
amas, maledic illam versibus, ut habeat pudorem " . .

97 Dum Eumolpus cum Bargate in secreto loquitur,
intrat stabulum praeco cum servo publico aliaque
sane modica frequentia, facemque fumosam magis
quara lucidam quassans haec proclamavit: puer in
balneo paulo ante aberravit, annorum circa xvi, crispus,
mollis, formosus, nomine Giton. Si quis eum reddere
aut commonstrare voluerit, accipiet nummos mille"

192

SATYRICON

clogs^ took the lead, brought up a dog of enormous
size on a chain, and set him on to Eumolpus. But
the candlestick was enough to protect him from all
danger.

We saw everj-thing through a hole in the folding 96
doors, which had been made by the handle of the
door being broken a short time before; and I was
delighted to see him thrashed. But Giton clung to
compassion, and said we ought to open the door and
go and rescue him from peril. My indignation was
still awake; I did not hold my hand, I rapped his
compassionate head with mj' sharp clenched knuckles.
He cried and sat down on the bed. I put my eyes to
the chink by turns, and gorged myself on the miseries
of Eumolpus Uke a dainty dish, and approved their
prolongation. Then Bargates, the man in charge of
the lodging-house, was disturbed at his dinner, and two
chairmen carried him right into the brawl ; for he had
gouty feet. In a furious \-ulgar voice he made a long
oration against drunkards and escaped slaves, and
then he looked at Eumolpus and said, WTiat, most
learned bard, was it you ? Get away quick, you damned
slaves, and keep your hands from quarrelling." . .

My mistress despises me. So curse her for me in
rhyme, if you love me, and put shame into her." . .

While Eumolpus was talking privately to Bargates, 97
a crier came into the house vrith a municipal slave and
quite a small crowd of other people, shook a torch
which gave out more smoke than light, and made this
proclamation : Lost recently in the public baths, a
boy aged about sixteen, hair curly, low habits, of
attractive appearance, answers to the name of Giton.
A reward of a thousand pieces will be paid to any
person wilhng to bring him back or indicate his where-
o 193

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
Nee longe a praecone Ascyltos stabat amictus dis-
coloria veste atque in lance argentea indicium et
fidem praeferebat. Imperavi Gitoni, ut raptim gra-
batum subiret anneeteretque pedes et manus institis,
quibus sponda culcitam ferebat, ac sic ut olim Vlixes
Cyclopis arieti' adhaesisset, extentus infra grabatum
scrutantium eluderet manus. Non est moratus Giton
imperium momentoque temporis inseruit vinculo manus
et Vlixem astu simillimo vicit. Ego ne suspicioni re-
linquerem locum, lectulum vestimentis implevi uni-
usque hominis vestigium ad corporis mei mensuram
figuravi.

Interim Ascyltos ut pererravit omnes cum viatore
cellas, venit ad meam, et hoc quidem pleniorem spem
concepit, quo diligentius oppessulatas invenit fores.
Publicus vero servus insertans commissuris secures
claustrorum firmitatem laxavit. Ego ad genua Ascylti
procubui et per memoriam amicitiae perque societa-
tem miseriarum petii, ut saltem ostenderet fratrem.
Immo ut fidem haberent fictae preces, scio te "
inquam Ascylte, ad occidendum me venisse. Quo
enim secures attulisti ? Itaque satia iracundiam tuam :
praebeo ecce cervicem, funde sanguinem, quem sub
praetextu quaestionis petisti." Amolitur Ascyltos in-
vidiam et se vero nihil aliud quam fugitivum suum
dixit quaerere, mortem nee hominis concupisse nee sup-
plicis, utique eius quem post fatalem rixam habuisset

' Cyclopis arieti Buecheler : pro ariete.
2 habuisset Buecheler : habuit.

SATYRICON

abouts." Ascyltos stood close by the crier in clothes
of many colours, holding out the reward on a silver
dish to prove his honesty. I told Giton to get under
the bed at once, and hook his feet and hands into the
webbing which held up the mattress on the frame, so
that he might evade the grasp of searchers by stay-
ing stretched out under the bed, just as Ulysses of old
clung on to the ram of the Cyclops.^ Giton obeyed
orders at once, and in a second had slipped his hands
into the webbing, and surpassed even Ulj'sses at his
own tricks. I did not want to leave any room for
suspicion, so I stuffed the bed with clothes, and
arranged them in the shape of a man about my own
height sleeping bj' himself.

Meanwhile Ascjltos went round all the rooms with
a constable, and when he came to mine, his hopes
swelled within him at finding the door bolted with
especial care. The municipal slave put an axe into the
joints, and loosened the bolts from their place. I fell
at Ascyltos's feet, and besought him, by the memory
of our friendship and the miseries we had shared, at
least to show me my brother. Further to win behef
in my sham prayers, I said, I know you have come
to kill me, Ascyltos. Else why have you brought an
axe with you ? Well, satisfy your rage. Here is my
neck, shed my blood, the real object of your pre-
tended legal search." Ascyltos threw off his resent-
ment, and declared that he wanted nothing but his own
runaway slave, that he did not desire the death of any
man or any suppliant, much less of one whom he loved
very dearly now that their deadly dispute was o\-er.

' See Homer's Odyssey, Book ix. Ulysses escaped from
the den of the Cyclops Polyphemus by clinging to the belly
of a ram, when Polyphemus sent out his Socks to graze.

o2 195

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

98 cafissimum. At non servus publicus tam languide
agit, sed raptam cauponi harundinem subter lectum
mittit omniaque etiam foramina parietum scrutatur.
Subducebat Giton ab ictu corpus et reducto timidis-
sime spiritu ipsos sciniphes ore tangebat . . .

Eumolpus autem, quia efFractum ostium celiac ne-
minem poterat excludere, irrumpit perturbatus et
mille" inquit nummos inveni ; iam enim persequar
abeuntem praeconem et in potestate tua esse Gitonem
meritissima proditione' monstrabo." Genua ego per-
severantis amplector, ne morientes vellet occidere, et
"merito" inquam ' excandesceres^ si posses perditum^
ostendere. Nunc inter turbam puer fugit, nee quo
abierit, suspicari possum. Per fidem, Eumolpe, reduc
puerum et vel Ascylto redde." Dum haec ego iam
credenti persuadeo, Giton collectione spiritus plenus
ter continuo ita sternutavit, ut grabatum concuteret.
Ad quern motum Eumolpus conversus salvere Gitona
iubet. Remota etiam culcita videt Vlixem, cui vel
esuriens Cyclops potuisset parcere. Mox conversus
ad me "quid est" inquit "latro? ne deprehensus
quidem ausus es mihi verum dicere. Immo ni deus
quidam humanarum rerum arbiter pendenti puero
excussisset indicium, elusus circa popinas errarem" . , .
Giton longe blandior quam ego, primum araneis
oleo madentibus vulnus, quod in supercilio factum
erat, coartavit. Mox palliolo suo laceratam mutavit

' proditone Richard : propositione.
"^ perditumyacoi^ ; proditum.

196

i

SATYRICON

But the constable was not so deficient in energy. 98
He took a cane from the inn-keeper, and pushed it
under the bed, and poked into everything, even the
cracks in the walls. Giton twisted away from the
stick, drew in his breath very gently, and pressed his
lips close against the bugs in the bedding. . . The
broken door of the room could not keep anyone out,
and Eumolpus rushed in in a fury, and cried, ' I have
found a thousand pieces ; for I mean to follow the crier
as he goes awaj^, and betray you as you richly deserve,
and tell him that Giton is in your hands." He per-
sisted, I fell at his feet, besought him not to kill a
dying man, and said. You might well be excited if you
could show him the lost one. As it is, the boy has
run awa5' in the crowd, and I have not the least idea
where he has gone. As j'ou love me, Eumolpus, get
the boy back, and give him to Ascjltos if you like."
I was just inducing him to believe me, when Giton
burst with holding his breath, and all at once sneezed
three times so that he shook the bed. Eumolpus
turned round at the noise, and said Good day,
Giton." He pulled off the mattress, and saw an
Ulysses whom even a hungry Cyclops might have
spared. Then he turned on me. Now, you thief;
you did not dare to tell me the truth even when j-ou
were caught. In fact, unless the God who controls
man's destiny had wrung a sign from this boy as
he hung there, I should now be wandering round the
pot-houses like a fool." . . .

Giton was far more at ease than I. He first stanched
a cut which had been made on Eumolpus's forehead
with spider's webs soaked in oil. He then took off
his torn clothes, and in exchange gave him a short
cloak of his own, then put his arms round him, for

197

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

vestem, amplexusque iam mitigatum osculis tanquam
fomentis aggressus est et 'in tua" inquit "pater
earissime, in tua sumus custodia. Si Gitona tuum
amas, incipe velle servare. Utinam me solum inimicus
ignis hauriret vel hibernum invaderet mare. Ego
enim omnium scelerum materia, ego causa sum. Si
perirem, conveniret inimicis" . . .
99 ego sic semper et ubique vixi, ut ultimam quam-

que lucem tanquam non redituram consumerem "...
profusis ego lacrimis rogo quaesoque, ut mecum quo-
que redeat in gratiam : neque enim in amantium esse
potestate furiosam aemulationem. Daturum tamen
operam, ne aut dieam aut faciam amplius, quo possit
ofFendi. Tantum omnem scabitudinem animo tan-
quam bonarum artium magister deleret sine cicatrice.
Incultis asperisque regionibus diutius nives haerent,
ast ubi aratro domefacta tellus nitet, dum loqueris,
levis pruina dilabitur. Similiter in pectoribus ira con-
sidit: feras quidem mentes obsidet, eruditas praelabi-
tur." Ut scias " inquit Eumolpus verum esse,
quod dicis, ecce etiam osculo iram finio. Itaque, quod
bene eveniat, expedite sarcinulas et vel sequimini me
vel, si mavultis, ducite." Adhuc loquebatur, cum
crepuit ostium impulsum, stetitque in limine barbis
horrentibus nauta et moraris " inquit Eumolpe,
tanquam propudium ignores." Haud mora, omnes
consurgimus, et Eumolpus quidem mercennarium su-
um iam olim dormientem exire cum sarcinis iubet.
Ego cum Gitone quicquid erat, in iter^ compono et
adoratis sideribus intro navigium . . .
' iter Buecheler : alter.
198

SATYRICON

he was now softening, poulticed him with kisses,
and said, ' Dearest father, we are in your hands,
yours entirely. If you love your Giton, make up your
mind to save him. I wish the cruel fire might
engulf me alone, or the wintry sea assail me. I am the
object of all his transgressions, I am the cause. If I
were gone, you two might patch up your quarrel." . .

At all times and in all places I have lived such a 99
life that I spent each passing day as though that
light would never return." . .

I burst into tears, and begged and prayed him to
be friends again with me too : a true lover was incapa-
ble of mad jealousy. At the same time I would take
care to do nothing more in word or deed by which he
could possibly be hurt. Only he must remove aU
irritation from his mind like a man of true culture^
and leave no scar. On the ■wild rough uplands the
snow lies late, but when the earth is beautiful under
the mastery of the plough, the light frost passes while
you speak. Tlius anger dwells in our hearts ; it takes
root in the savage, and glides over the man of learn-
ing." There," said Eumolpus, you see what you
say is true. Behold, I banish my anger with a kiss.
So good luck go with us. Get ready your luggage and
follow me, or lead the way if you hke." He was
still talking, when a knock sounded on the door, and
a sailor -with a straggly beard stood at the entrance
and said. You hang about, Eumolpus, as if you
did not know a Blue Peter by sight." We all got up
in a hurry, and Eumolpus ordered his slave, who had
now been asleep for some time, to come out with his
baggage. Giton and I put together all we had for a
journey; I asked a blessing of the stars, and went
aboard.

199

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

100 molestum est quod puer hospiti placet. Quid

autem? Non commune est, quod natura optimum
fecit? Sol omnibus lucet. Luna innumerabilibus
comitata sideribus etiam feras ducit ad pabulum.
Quid aquis dici formosius potest? In publico tamen
manant. Solus ergo amor furtum potius quam prae-
mium erit ? Immo vero nolo habere bona, nisi quibus
populus inviderit. Unus, et senex, non erit gravis;
etiam cum voluerit aliquid sumere, opus anhelitu pro-
det." Haec ut infra fiduciam posui fraudavique
animum dissidentem, coepi somnum obruto tunieula
capite mentiri.

Sed repente quasi destruente fortuna constantiam
meam eiusmodi vox super constratum puppis conge-
muit: ergo me derisit?" Et haec quidem virilis et
paene auribus meis familiaris animum palpitantem
percussit. Ceterum eadem indignatione mulier lace-
rata ulterius excanduit et Si quis deus manibus
meis " inquit Gitona imponeret, quam bene exulem
exciperem."''^ Uterque nostrum tam inexpectato ictus
sono amiserat sanguinem. Ego praeeipue quasi som-
nio quodam turbulento circumactus diu vocem collegi
tremebundisque manibus Eumolpi iam in soporem
labentis laciniam duxi et ' Perfidem" inquam pater,
cuius haec navis est, aut quos vehat, dicere potes?"
Inquietatus ille moleste tulit et "Hoc erat" inquit
" quod placuerat tibi, ut supra constratum navis occu-
paremus secretissimum locum, ne nos patereris requi-
escere ? Quid porro ad rem pertinet, si dixero Licham

^ exciperem marg-in ed. of Tornaesius : exciperet.

200

SATYRICON

I am annoyed because the boy takes a stranger's 100
fancy. But are not all the finest works of nature
common property? The sun shines upon all men.
The moon with countless troops of stars in her train
leads even the beasts to their food. Can we imagine
anj-thing more lovely than water? yet it flows
for all the world. Then shall love alone be stolen
rather than enjoj-ed ? The truth is that I do not care for
possessions unless the common herd are jealous ot
them. One rival, and he too an old man, will not be
troublesome ; even if he wants to gain an advantage,
his shortness of breath will give him away." \Mien I
had made these points without any confidence, de-
ceiving my protesting spirit, I covered my head in my
cloak and pretended to be asleep.

But suddenly, as though fate were in arms against
my resolution, a voice on the ship's deck said with a
groan, Uke this: So he deceived me, then?" These
manly tones were somehow familiar to my ear, and my
heart beat fast as they struck me. But then a woman
torn by the same indignation broke out yet more
vehemently: "Ah, if the gods would deliver Giton
into my hands, what a fine welcome I would give
the runaway." The shock of these unexpected
sounds drove all the blood out of botli of us. I felt
as if I were being hunted round in some troubled
dream ; I was a long while finding my voice, and then
pulled Eumolpus's clothes with a shaking hand, just
as he was falling into a deep sleep, and said, "Tell
me the truth, father ; can you say who owns this ship,
or who is on board?" He was annoyed at being dis-
turbed, and replied. Was this why j^ou chose a quiet
comer on deck, on purpose to prevent us from getting
any rest? What on earth is the use of my telling you

201

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Tarentinum esse dominum huiusce navigii, qui Try-
101 phaenam exulem Tarentum ferat?" Intremui post
hoc fulmen attonitus, iuguloque detecto aliquando "
inquam Totum me, Fortuna, vicisti." Nam Giton
quidem super pectus meum positus diu animam egit.
Deinde ut effusus sudor utriusque spiritum revocavit,
comprehendi Eumolpi genua et Miserere " inquam
morientium et pro consortio studiorum commoda
manum ; mors venit, quae nisi per te non licet, potest
esse pro munere." Inundatus hac Eumolpus invidia
iurat per deos deasque se neque scire quid accident,
nee ullum dolum malum consilio adhibuisse, sed mente
simplicissima et vera fide in navigium comites in-
duxisse, quo ipse iam pridem fuerit usurus. Quae
autem hie insidiae sunt " inquit aut quis nobiscum
Hannibal navigat? Lichas Tarentinus, homo vere-
cundissimus et non tantum huius navigii dominus,
quod regit, sed fundorum etiam aliquot et familiae
negotiantis, onus deferendum ad mercatum conducit.
Hie est Cyclops ille et archipirata, cui vecturam de-
bemus ; et praeter hunc Tryphaena, omnium femina-
rum formosissima, quae voluptatis causa hue atque illuc
vectatur." " Hi sunt " inquit Giton quosfugimus"
simulque raptim causas odiorum et instans periculum
trepidanti Eumolpo exponit. Confusus ille et consilii
egens iubet quemque suam sententiam promere et
" Fingite " inquit nos antrum Cyclopis intrasse.
Quaerendum est aliquod effugium. nisi naufragium
20^

SATYRICON

that Lichas of Tarentum is the master of this boat,
and is carrjing Tryphaena to Tarentum under a sen-
tence of banishment ? " I was thunderstruck at this 101
blow. I bared my throat, and cried, Ah, Fate, at last
you have smitten me hip and thigli." For Giton, who
was sprawling over me, had already fainted. Then
the sweat broke out on us and called us both back to
life. I took Eumolpus by the knees, and cried, Mercy
on us ! We are dead men. Help us, I implore you
by our fellowship in learning; death is upon us, and
we may come to welcome death, unless you prevent
us from doing so."

Eumolpus was overwhelmed by this attack, and
ffwore by gods and goddesses that he did not under-
stand what had happened, and had no sinister inten-
tions in his mind, but had taken us to share the voyage
with him in perfect honesty and absolute good faith ;
he had been meaning to sail himself some time be-
fore. * Is there any trap here?" he said, and who
is the Hannibal we have on board ? Lichas of Taren-
tmn is a respectable person. He is not only owner and
captain of this ship, but has several estates and some
slaves in business. He is carrying a cargo consigned
to a market. This is the ogre and pirate king to
whom we owe our passage ; and besides, there is Try-
phaena, loveliest of women, who sails from one place
to another in search of pleasure." But it is these
two we are running away from," said Giton, and
poured out the story of our feud, and explained our
inmiinent danger, till Eumolpus shook. He became
muddled and helpless, and asked us each to put for-
ward our \iews. * I would have you imagine that we
have entered the ogre's den," he said. We must find
some way out, unless we run the ship aground and

203

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

poniinus et omni nos periculo liberamus." "immo"
inquit Giton persuade gubernatori, ut in aliquem
portum navem deducat, non sine praemio scilicet, et
affirma ei impatientem maris fratrem tuum in ultimis
esse. Poteris hanc simulationem et vultus confusione
et lacrimis obumbrare, ut misericordia permotus guber-
nator indulgeat tibi." Negavit hoc Eumolpus fieri
posse, quia magna" inquit navigia portubus se
curvatis insinuant, nee tam cito fratrem defecisse veri
simile erit. Accedit his, quod forsitan Lichas officii
causa visere languentem desiderabit. Vides, quam
valde nobis expediat, ultro dominum ad fugientes
accersere.^ Sed finge navem ab ingenti posse cursu
deflecti et Licham non utique circumiturum aegrorum
cubilia: quomodo possumus egredi nave, ut non con-
spiciamur a cunctis? Opertis capitibus, an nudis?
Opertis, et quis non dare manum languentibus volet?
102 Nudis, et quid erit aliud quam se ipsos proscribere ? "
Quin potius" inquam ego ad temeritatem confugi-
mus et per funem lapsi descendimus in scapham prae-
cisoque vinculo reliqua fortunae committimus ? Nee
ego in hoc periculum Eumolpon arcesso. Quid enim
attinet innocentem alieno periculo imponere ? G)n-
tentus sum, si nos descendentes adiuverit casus."
Non imprudens " inquit consilium " Eumolpos si
aditum haberet. Quis enim non euntes notabit?
Utique gubernator, qui pervigil nocte siderum quoque
motus custodit. Et utcunque imponi nihil^ dormienti
posset, si per aliam partem navis fuga quaereretur:
nunc per puppim, per ipsa gubernacula delabendum
est, a quorum regione funis descendit, qui scaphae

' accersere Buecheler : accedere.
' nihil Buecheler : vel.

W4,

SATYRICON

fi^e ourselves from all danger." No/' said Giton,
persuade the helmsman to run the boat into some
harbour. Pay him well, of course, and tell him your
brother cannot stand the sea, and is at his last gasp.
You A*-ill be able to hide your deception by the con-
fused look and the tears on your face. You will touch
the helmsman's heart, and he will do you a favour."
Eumolpus declared that this was imp)Ossible : ' These
large boats only steer into landlocked harbours, and
it is incredible that our brother should collapse so soon.
Besides, Lichas may perhaps ask to see the sick man
as a matter of kindness. You realize what a fine turn
we should do ourselves by leading the master up to
his runaways with our own hands. But supposing the
ship could be turned aside from her long passage, and
Lichas did not after all go round the patient's beds ;
how could we leave the ship A^ithout being seen by
every one? Cover our heads, or bare them? Cover
them, and every one will want to lend his arm to the
poor sick man I Bare them, that is nothing more or
less than proscribing ourselves." "No," I said, "l 102
should prefer to take refuge in boldness, slip down a
rope into the boat, cut the painter, and leave the rest
to luck. I do not invite Eumolpus to share the risk.
It is not fair to load an innocent person with another's
troubles. I am satisfied if chance will help us to get
down." It is a clever plan," said Eumolpus, 'if
there were any way of starting it. But every one will
see you going : especially the helmsman, who watches
all night long, and keeps guard even over the motions
of the stars. Of course you might elude his unsleep-
ing watchfulness, if you wanted to escape off another
part of the ship ; but as it is, you want to slip off the
stem close to the helm itself, where the rope which

205

TITUS FETRONIUS ARBITER
custodiam tenet. Praeterea illud miror, Encolpi, tibi
non succurrisse, unum nautam stationis perpetuae in-
terdiu noctuque iacere in scapha, nee posse inde
custodem nisi aut caede expelli aut praecipitari viribus.
Quod an fieri possit^ interrogate audaciam vestram.
Nam quod ad meum quidem comitatum attinet, nul-
lum recuso periculum, quod salutis spem ostendit.
Nam sine causa [quidem] spiritum tanquam rem
vaeuam impendere ne vos quidem existimo velle.
Videte, numquid hoc placeat: ego vos in duas iam
pelles coniciam vinctosque loris inter vestimenta pro
sarcinis habebo, apertis scilicet aliquatenus labris, qui-
bus et spiritum recipere possitis et cibum. Conclamabo
deinde nocte servos poenam graviorem timentes prae-
cipitasse se in mare. Deinde cum ventum fuerit in
portum, sine ulla suspicione pro sarcinis vos efFeram."
Ita vero " inquam ego tanquam solidos alligaturus,
quibus non sol eat venter iniuriam facere? An tan-
quam eos qui sternutare non soleamus nee stertere?
An quia hoc genus furti semel [mea] feliciter cessit?
Sed finge una die vinctos posse durare : quid ergo, si
diutius aut tranquillitas nos tenuerit aut adversa tem-
pestas? Quid facturi sumus? Vestes quoque diutius
vinctas ruga consumit, et chartae alligatae mutant
figuram. luvenes adhuc laboris expertes statuarum
ritu patiemur pannos et vincla?" . . .
" Adhuc aliquod iter salutis quaerendum est. Inspi-
cite, quod ego inveni. Eumolpus tanquam litterarum
206

SATYRICON

holds the boat safe hangs just by. Again, I am sur-
prised that it did not occur to you, Encolpius, that one
sailor is always on duty night and day Ijing in the
boat, and you cannot turn this sentry out except by
killing him, or throw him out except by force. You
must ask j'our own bold heart whether that can be
done. As far as my coming with you goes, I do not
shirk anj' danger which offers a chance of safetj'. But
I suppose that even you do not wish to squander your
lives like a vain trifle without any reason. Now see
whether you approve of this. I will roll you in two
bales, tie you up, and put you among my clothes as
luggage, of course lea\'ing the ends a bit open, so that
you can get your breath and your food. Then I A^ill
raise the cry that my slaves have jumped overboard
in the dark, being afraid of some hea^ie^ punishment.
Then after we have arrived in harbour, I will carry
vou out like baggage without arousing any suspicion."
" What," I cried, ' tie us up like wholly solid i)eople
whose stomachs never make them unhappy? Like
people who never sneeze nor snore? Just because
this kind of trick on one occasion turned out a success^?
But even supposing we could endure one day tied up :
what if we were detained longer by a calm or by
rough weather? What should we do? Even clothes
that are tied up too long get creased and spoilt, and
papers in bundles lose their shape. Are we young
fellows who never worked in our lives to put up with
bondage in dirty cloths as if we were statues ? . . . No,
we still have to find some way of salvation. Look at
what I thought of. Eimiolpus, as a man of learning,

* Cleopatra had herself conveyed to Julius Caesar at
Alexandria wrapped up in a carpet. Plutarch : Life oj
Caesar, c. 49. Shaw : Caesar and Cleopatra, Act iii.

207

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

studiosus utique atramentum habet. Hoc ergo remedio
mutemus colores a capillis usque ad ungues. Ita tan-
quam servi Aethiopes at praesto tibi erimus sine
tormentorum iniuria hilares, et permutato colore im-
ponemus inimicis." Quidni?" inquit Giton etiam
circumcide nos, ut ludaei videamur, et pertunde aures,
ut imitemur Arabes, et increta facies, ut suos Gallia
cives putet: tanquam hie solus color figuram possit
pervertere et non multa una oporteat consentiant [et
non] ratione, wi^ niendacium constet. Puta infectam
medicamine faciem diutius durare posse; finge nee
aquae asperginem imposituram aliquam corpori macu-
1am, nee vestem atramento adhaesuram, quod fre-
quenter etiam non accersito ferrumine infigitur: age,
numquid et labra possumus tumore taeterrimo implere ':!
Numquid et crines calamistro convertere ? Numquid
et frontes cicatricibus scindere? Numquid et crura
in orbem pandere ? Numquid et talos ad terram de-
ducere? Numquid et barbam peregrina ratione
figurare ? Color arte compositus inquinat corpus, non
mutat. Audite, quid amenti^ succurrerit : praeligemus
vestibus capita et nos in profundum mergamus."
103 Ne istud dii hominesque patiantur" Eumolpus ex-
clamat " ut vos tam turpi exitu vitam finiatis. Immo
potius facite, quod iubeo. Mercennarius meus, ut ex
novacula comperistis, tonsor est: hie continue radat

' et non bracketed, ut added by Buechelet.
^ amenti Buecheler : timenti.
208

SATYRICON
is sure to have some ink. We will use this medicine
to dye ourselves^ hair, nails, everj-thing. Then we
will stand by you with pleas\u"e like Aethiopian slaves,
without undergoing any tortures, and our change of
colour yrill take in our enemies." Oh I yes," said
Giton, and please circumcise us too, so that we look
like Jews, and bore our ears to imitate Arabians, and
chalk our faces till Gaul takes us for her own sons ; as
if this colour alone could alter our shapes, when it
takes a number of points in unison to make a good
lie. Suppose the stain of dye on the face could last
for some time ; imagine that never a drop of water
could make any mark on our skins, nor our clothes
stick to the ink, which often clings to us without the
use of any cement : but, tell me, can we make our
lips swell to a hideous thickness? Or transform
our hair with curling-tongs ? Or plough up our fore-
heads with scars? Or walk bow-legged? Or bend
our ankles over to the ground? Or trim our beards
in a foreign cut? Artificial colours dirty one's body
without altering it. Listen, I have thought of this
in desperation. Let us tie our heads in our clothes,
and plunge into the deep."

God and man forbid," cried Eumolpus, that you 103

should make such a vUe conclusion of your lives. No,

better take my advice. My slave, as you learned by

his razor, is a barber. Let him shave the head of

p 209

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITJ1.R

utriusque non solum capita, sed etiam supercilia.
Sequar ego frontes notans inscriptione sollerti, ut
videamini stigmate esse puniti. Ita eaedem litterae
et suspicionem declinabunt quaerentium et vultus
umbra supplicii tegent."

Non est dilata fallacia, sed ad latus navigii furtim
processimus capit^que cum superciliis denudanda
tonsori praebuimus. Implevit Eumolpus frontes
utriusque ingentibus litteris et notum fugitivorum
epigramma per totam faciem liberali manu duxit.
Unus forte ex vectoribus, qui acclinatus lateri navis
exonerabat stomachum nausea gravem, notavit sibi ad
lunam tonsorem intempestivo inhaerentem ministerio,
execratusque omen, quod imitaretur naufragorum
ultimum votum, in cubile reiectus est. Nos dissimu-
lata nauseantis devotione ad ordinem tristitiae redi-
mus, silentioque compositi reliquas noctis boras male
soj)orati consumpsimus . . .
1 04 Videbatur mihi secundum quietem Priapus dicere :

Encolpion quod quaeris, scito a me in navem tuam
esse perductum.'" Exhorruit Tryphaena et Putes"
inquit una nos dormiisse ; nam et mihi simulacrum
Neptuni, quod Baiis in tetrastylo^ notaveram, videbatur
dicere: 'in nave Lichae Gitona invenies.'" Hinc
scies" inquit Eumolpus Epicurum esse hominem
divinum, qui eiusmodi ludibria facetissima ratione con-
demnat" . . .

ceterum Lichas ut Tryphaenae somnium expiavit,
" quis ' ' inquit prohibet navigium scnitari, ne videamur
divinae mentis opera damnare ? "

• Baiis in tetrastylo Buecheler : Baistor asylo.
210

SATYRICON

each ot you this minute, and your eyebrows as well.
Then I will come and mark your foreheads with some
neat uiscription, so that you look like slaves punished
by branding. These letters will divert inquisitive
people's suspicions, and at the same time conceal your
faces with the shadow of punishment." We tried the
trick at once, and walked cautiously to the side of the
ship, and yielded up our heads and eyebrows to the
barber to be shorn. Eumolpus covered both our fore-
heads with enormous letters, and scrawled the usual
mark of runaway slaves all over our faces with a generous
hand. But one of the passengers, who was extremely
seasick, happened to be leaning over the side of the
ship to relieve his stomach, and observed the barber
in the moonlight busy with his ill-timed work. The
man cursed this for an omen, because it looked like
the last offering of a doomed crew, and then threw
himself back into his bunk. We pretended not to
hear his puking curses, and went on with the gloomy
business, and then lay do^wTi in silence and jjassed
the remaining hours of the night in uneasy sleep. . .

I thought I heard Priapus say in my dream: 'l 104
tell you, Encolpius whom you seek has been led by me
on board your ship.' " Tryphaena gave a scream and
said, You would think we had slept together; I
dreamed that a picture of Neptune, which I noticed in
a gallery at Baiae, said to me : You "will find Giton on
board Lichas's ship.' " This shows you," said Eumol-
pus, that Epicurus was a superhuman creature; he
condemns jokes of this kind in a very witty fashion." . .
However, Lichas first prayed that Tryphaena's dream
might mean no harm, and then said, "There is no
objection to searching the ship to show that we do
not despise the workings of Providence." Tlien the
p2 211

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Is qui nocte miserorum furtum deprehenderat,
Hesus nomine^ subito proclamat : Ergo illi qui sunt,
qui nocte ad lunam radebantur pessimo medius fidius
exemplo ? Audio enim non licere cuiquam mortalium
in nave neque ungues neque capillos deponere, nisi
105 cum pelago ventus irascitur." Excanduit Lichas hoc
sermone turbatus et 'Itane" inquit capillos aliquis
in nave praecidit, et hoc nocte intempesta? Attrahite
ocius nocentes in medium, ut sciam, quorum capitibus
debeat navigium lustrari." Ego" inquit Eumolpus
hoc iussi. Nee in^ eodem futurus navigio auspicium
mihi feci, sed quia nocentes horridos longosque habe-
bant capillos, ne viderer de nave carcerem facere,
iussi squalorem damnatis auferri ; simul ut notae quo-
que litterarum non adumbratae comarum praesidio
totae ad oculos legentium acciderent. Inter cetera
apud communem amicam consumpserunt pecuniam
meam, a qua illos proxima nocte extraxi mero un-
guentisque perfusos. Ad summam, adhuc patrimonii
mei reliquias olent" . . .

itaque ut tutela navis expiaretur, placuit quadragenas
utrique plagas imponi. Nulla ergo fit mora ; aggredi-
untur nos furentes nautae cum funibus temptantque
vilissimo sanguine tutelam placare. Et ego quidem
tres plagas Spartana nobilitate concoxi. Ceterum
Giton semel ictus tam valde exclamavit, ut Tryphaenae
aures notissima voce repleret. Non solum era* turbata
est, sed ancillae etiam omnes familiai'i sono inductae
ad vapulantem decurrunt. lam Giton mirabili forma

' nee in Buecheler : nee non.
' era Buecheler : ergo.

212

SATYRICON

man who had caught us at our wretched tricks the
night before, whose name was Hesus, suddenly shouted.
Then who are those fellows who were being shaved
in the dark by moonlight ? A mighty bad precedent,
I swear. I am told that no man alive ought to shed
a nail or a hair on board ship, unless winds and waves
are raging." x\t this speech Lichas fired up in alarm, 105
and said, "What, has anj'one cut his hair on board
my ship, and at dead of night too ? Quick, bring the
villains out here. I want to know who is to be pun-
ished to give us a clear voyage." Oh," said Eumol-
pus, I gave those orders. I was not doing anything
unlucky, considering that I had to share the voyage
myself. It was because these ruffians had long, dirty
hair. I did not want to turn the ship into a prison,
so I ordered the filth to be cleared off the brutes.
Besides, I did not want the marks of branding to be
screened and covered by their hair. They ought to
show at full length for every one to read. Further-
more, they squandered my money on a certain lady
friend of ours ; I pulled them away from her the night
before, reeking with wine and scent. In fact, they
still stink of the shreds of my inheritance." . .

So it was decided that forty stripes should be in-
flicted on each of us to appease the guardian angel of
the ship. Not a moment was lost ; the angry sailors ad-
vanced upon us with ropes-ends, and tried to soften
their guardian angel's heart with our miserable blood.
For my part I bore three full blows with Spartan
pride. But Giton cried out so lustily the moment he
was touched, that his familiar voice filled Trj^phaena's
ears. Not only was the ladj' in a flutter, but all her
maids were drawn by the well-known tones, and came
running to the victim. Giton's loveliness had already

213

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
exannaverat nautas coeperatque etiam sine voce saevi-
entes rogare, cum ancillae pariter proclamant : Giton
est, Giton, inhibete crudelissimas manus; Giton est,
domina, succurre." Deflectit aures Tryphaena iam
sua sponte credentes raptimque ad puerum devolat.
Lichas, qui me optime noverat, tanquam et ipse vocem
audisset, accurrit et nee manus nee faciem meam con-
sideravit, sed continuo ad inguina mea luminibus
deflexis movit officiosam manum et Salve" inquit

Encolpi." Miretur nunc aliquis Vlixis nutricem
post vicesimum annum cicatricem invenisse originis
indicem, cum homo prudentissimus confusis omnibus
corporis orisque lineam§ntis ad unicura fugitivi argu-
mentum tarn docte pervenerit. Tryphaena lacrimas
effudit decepta supplicio — vera enim stigmata credebat
captivoi'um frontibus impressa — sciscitarique submis-
sius coepit, quod ergastulum intercepisset errantes,
aut cuius tam crudeles manus in hoc supplicium
durassent. Meruisse quidem contumeliam aliquam
fugitivos, quibus in odium bona sua venissent . . .
106 concitatus iracundia prosiliit Lichas et O te" inquit

feminam simplicem, tanquam vulnera ferro praepa-
rata litteras biberint. Utinam quidem hac se inscrip-
tione frontis maculassent: haberemus nos extremum
solacium. Nunc mimicis artibus petiti sumus et
adumbrata inscriptione derisi."

Volebat Trj'phaena misereri, quia non totam volu-
ptatem perdiderat, sed Lichas memor adhuc uxoris

' orisque Buecheler : indiciorumque.
814

SATYRICON

disarmed the sailors ; even without speaking he ap-
pealed to his tormentors. Then all the maids screamed
out together: It is Giton, it is; stop beating him,
you monsters. Help, ma'am, Giton is here." Try-
phaena had already convinced herself, and inclined
her ear to them, and flew on wings to the boy. Lichas,
who knew me intimately, ran up as though he had
heard my voice too, and did not glance at my hands
or face, sed continuo ad inguina mea luminibus
deflexis movit ofSciosam manmn, and said, How are
you, Encolpius?" No one need be surprised that
Ulysses's nurse discovered the scar^ which revealed
his identity after twenty years, when a clever man
hit upon the one test of a runaway so bril-
liantly, though every feature of his face and body
was disguised. Tryphaena, thinking that the marks
on our foreheads were real prisoners' brands, cried
bitterly over our supposed punishment, and began to
inquire more gently what prison had stayed us in our
wanderings, and what hand had been so ruthless as
to inflict such marks upon us. But, of course," she
said, runaway slaves who come to hate their own
happiness, do deserve some chastisement." . .

Lichas leaped forward in a transport of rage and 106
cried. You sUly woman, as if these letters were made
by the scars of the branding-iron. I only wish they
had defiled their foreheads with this inscription: we
should have some consolation left. As it is, we are
being assailed by an actor's tricks, and befooled by a
sham inscription."

Tryphaena besought him to have pity, because she
had not lost all her desire for Giton, but the seduction

• See Homer's Odyssey, Book xix. She recognized Ulysses
by an old scar on his leg^.

215

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

corruptae contumeliarumquej quas in Herculis porticu
acceperat, turbato vehementiusvultu proclamat: "Deos
immortales rerum humanarum agere curam, puto,
iutellexisti, o Tryphaena. Nam imprudentes iioxios
in nostrum induxere navigium, et quid fecissent, ad-
monuerunt pari somniorum consensu. Ita vide, ut
possit illis ignosci, quos ad poenam ipse deus deduxit.
Quod ad me attinet, non sum crudelis, sed vereor, ne
quod remisero, patiar." Tam superstitiosa oratione
Tryphaena mutata negat se interpellare supplicium,
immo accedere etiam iustissimae ultioni. Nee se
minus grandi vexatam iniuria quam Licham, cuius
pudoris dignitas in contione proscripta sit . . .
107 Me, ut puto, hominem non ignotum, elegerunt ad

hoc officium [legatum] petieruntque, ut se recon-
ciUarem ahquando amicissimis. Nisi forte putatis
iuvenes casu in has plagas incidisse, cum omnis vector
nihil prius quaerat, quam cuius se diligentiae credat.
Flectite ergo mentes satisfactione lenitas, et patimini
liberos homines ire sine iniuria, quo destinant. Saevi
quoque implacabilesque domini crudelitatem suam im-
pediunt, si quando paenitentia fugitivos reduxit, et
dediticiis hostibus parcimus. Quid ultra petitis aut
quid vultis? In conspectu vestro supplices iacent iuvenes
ingenui, honesti, et quod utroque potentius est,
familiaritate vobis aliquando coniuncti. Si mehercules
intervertissent pecuniam vestram, si fidem proditione
216

SATYRICON

of his wife and the insults offered to him in the Porch
of Hercules were still in Lichas's mind, and he cried
out with a look of still more profound agitation, Try-
phaena, I believe you admit that the Gods in Heaven
take some trouble about men's affairs. They brought
these sinners on board my boat without their know-
ledge, and told us what they had done by a coinci-
dence in dreams. Then do consider; how can we
possibly pardon people whom a God himself has handed
over to us for punishment? I am not a bloodthirsty
man, but personally I am afraid that if I let them off
anything it will fall on me." Tryphaena veered round
at this appeal to superstition, declined to interfere
with the punishment, and declared that she approved
of this most proper vengeance. She had been just
as gravely wronged as Lichas, considering that her
reputation for chastity had been publicly impugned. . .

I believe I am a man of some reputation, and they 1 07
have chosen me for this duty, and begged me to make
it up between them and their old friends. I suppose
you do not imagine that these young men have
fallen into the snare by chance, when the first care of
every one who goes a voyage is to find a trustworthy
person to depend on. So unbend the sternness which
has been softened by revenge, and let the men go free
mthout hindrance to their destination. Even a harsh
and unforgiving master reins in his cruelty if his run-
aways are at last led back by penitence, and we all
spare an enemy who surrenders. What do you want
or wish for more ? These free and respectable joung
men lie prostrate before your eyes, and what is more
important, they were once bound to you by close friend-
ship I take my oath that if they had embezzled your
money, or hurt you by betraying your confidence, you

217

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
laesissent, satiari tamen potuissetis hac poena, quam
videtis. Servitia ecce in frontibus cernitis et vultus
ingenues voluntaria poenarum lege proscriptos." In-
terpellavit deprecationem supplicii^ Lichas et * Noli "
inquit causam confundere, sed impone singulis modum.
Ac primum omnium, si ultro venerunt, cur nudavere
crinibus capita ? Vultum enim qui permutat, fraudem
parat, non satisfactionem. Deinde, si gratiam a legato
moliebantur, quid ita omnia fecisti, ut quos tuebaris,
absconderes ? Ex quo apparet casu incidisse noxios in
plagas et te artem quaesisse, qua nostrae animad-
versionis impetum eluderes. Nam quod invidiam facis
nobis ingenuos honestosque clamando, vide, ne deteri-
orem facias confidentia causam. Quid debent laesi
facere, ubi rei ad poenam confugiunt ? At enim amici
fuerunt nostri: eo maiora meruerunt supplicia; nam
qui ignotos laedit, latro appellatur, qui amicos, paulo
minus quam parricida." Resolvit Eumolpos tam ini-
quam declamationem et Intellego " inquit nihil
magis obesse iuvenibus miseris, quam quod nocte de-
posuerunt capillos : hoc argumento incidisse videntur
in navem, non venisse. Quod velim tam candide ad
aures vestras perveniat, quam simpliciter gestum est.
Voluerunt enim antequam conscenderent, exonerare
capita molesto et supervacuo pondere, sed celerior
ventus distulit curationis propositum. Nee tamen
putaverunt ad rem pertinere, ubi inciperent, quod
placuerat ut fieret, quia nee omen nee legem navigan-

' supplicii Buecheler : supplicis.
218

SATYRICON

might still be satisfied with the punishment you have
seen inflicted. Look, you see slavery on their fore-
heads, and their free faces branded imder a self-
imposed sentence of punishment. ' ' Lichas interrupted
this plea for mercy, saying. Do not go confusing the
issue, but let each single point have its place. And
first of all, if they came of their own accord, why have
they stripped all the hair off their heads ? A man who
disguises himself wants to play a trick, not to make
amends. Again, if they were contriving some act of
grace through a mediator, why did you do everything
in your power to hide your proteges away ? All this
makes it clear that the ruffians fell into the net by
accident, and that you hunted for some device to avoid
the force of our displeasure. When you try to pre-
judice us by calling them free and respectable, mind
you do not spoil your case by impudence. WTiat
should an injured party do, when the guilty run Into
punishment ? Oh! you say, they were once our friends!
Then they deserve the harsher treatment. A person
who injures a stranger is called a robber, but a man
who hurts his friends is practically a parricide."
Eumolpus put an end to this unfair harangue by saying,
I know that nothing is more against the poor young
men than their cutting their hair at night. This looks
like a proof that they came by chance upon the ship
and did not come on purpose. Now I want the plain
truth to come to your ears just as simply as it happened.
They wanted to relieve their heads of the troublesome
and useless weight before they came aboard, but the
wind got up and postponed their scheme of treatment.
They never thought that it made any difference where
they began what they had decided to do ; they were
quite ignorant of sailors' omens and sea-law." "But

219

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

tium noverant." " Quid " inquit Lichas " attinuit
supplices radere? Nisi forte miserabiliores calvi solent
esse. Quamquam quid attinet veritatem per inter-
pretem quaerere? quid dicis tu, latro? quae salamandra
supercilia tua exussit? cui deo 'crinem vovisti? phar-
mace, responde."
108 Obstupueram ego supplicii metu pavidus^ nee quid
in re manifestissima dicerem, inveniebam turbatus . . .
et deformis praeter spoliati capitis dedecus super-
ciliorum etiam aequalis cum fronte calvlties, ut nihil
nee facere deceret nee dicere. Ut vero spongia uda
facies plorantis detersa est et liquefactum per totum
OS atramentum omnia scilicet lineamenta fuliginea
nube confudit^ in odium se ira convertit. Negat
Eumolpus passurum se, ut quisquam ingenuos contra
fas legemque contaminet, interpellatque saevientium
minas non solum voce sed etiam manibus. Aderat
interpellanti mercennarius comes et unus alterque in-
firmissimus vector, solacia magis litis quam virium
auxilia. Nee quicquam pro me deprecabar, sed inten-
tans in oculos Tryphaenae manus usurum me viribus
meis clara liberaque voce clamavi, ni abstineret a
Gitone iniuriam mulier damnata et in toto navigio
sola verberanda. Accenditur audacia mea iratior
LichaSj indignaturque quod ego relicta mea causa
tantum pro alio clamo. Nee minus Tryphaena con-
tumelia saevit accensa totiusque navigii turbam diducit
in partes. Hinc mercennarius tonsor ferramenta sua
nobis et ipse armatus distribuit, iUinc Tryphaenae
220

SATYRICON

why should they shave themselves to excite pity?"
said Lichas, Unless of course bald people are naturally
more pitiable. But what is the use of trying to dis-
cover the truth through a third person ? Now speak
up, you ruffian ! Who was the salamander that singed
off your eyebrows ? What God had the promise of your
hair ? Answer me, gallows-bird ! "

I was dumb with terror of being punished, and too 108
upset to find a word to say, for the case was only too
clear. . . .We were in no position to speak, or do any thing,
for to say nothing of the disgrace of our shaven heads,
our eyebrows were as bald as our pates. But when a
wet sponge was mped down my doleful countenance,
and the ink ran over all my face and of course
blotted out every feature in a cloud of smut, anger
passed into loathing. Eumolpus cried out that he
would not allow anyone to disfigure free young men
without right or reason, and cut short the angry sailors'
threats not only by argument but b}- force. His slave
stood by him in his protest, and one or two of the
most feeble passengers, who rather consoled him for
ha\'ing to fight than increased his strength. For my
part I shirked nothing. I shook my fist in Tryphaena's
face, and declared in a loud jopen voice that I would
use violence to her if she did not leave off hurting
Giton, for she was a wicked woman and the only
person on the ship who deserved flogging. Lichas's
WTath blazed hotter at my daring, and he taunted me
\Wth throwing up my own case and only shouting for
somebody else. Trj-phaena was equally hot and angry
and abusive, and divided the whole ship's company
into factions. On our side, the slave barber handed
out his blades to us, and kept one for himself, on the
other side Trj'phaena's slaves were ready with bare

221

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

familia nudas expedit manus, ac ne ancillarum quidem
clamor aciem destituit, uno tantum gubernatore reli-
cturum se navis ministerium denuntiante, si non desinat
rabies libidine perditorum collecta. Nihilo minus
tamen perseverat dimicantiuin furor, illis pro ultione,
nobis pro vita pugnantibus. Multi ergo utrinque sine
morte labuntur, plures cruenti vulneribus referunt
veluti ex proelio pedem, nee tamen cuiusquam ira
laxatur. Tunc fortissimus Giton ad virilia sua admovit
novaculam infestam, minatus se abscisurum tot mise-
riarum causam, inhibuitque Tryphaena tam grande
facinus non dissimulata missione. Saepius ego cultrum
tonsorium super iugulum meum posui, non magis me
occisurus, quam Giton, quod minabatur, facturus.
Audacius tamen ille tragoediam implebat, quia sciebat
se illam habere novaculam, qua iam sibi cervicem
LO praeciderat. \ Stante ergo utraque acie, cum appareret
futurum non tralaticium bellum, aegre expugnavit
gubernator, ut caduceatoris more Tryphaena indutias
faceret. Data ergo acceptaque ex more patrio fide
praetendit ramum oleae a tutela navigii raptum, atque
in colloquium venire ausa

"Quis furor" exclamat pacem convertit in arma?
Quid nostrae meruere manus? Non Troius heros
hac in classe vehit decepti pignus Atridae,
nee Medea furens fraterno sanguine pugnat.
Sed contemptus amor vires habet. Ei mihi, fata
hos inter fluctus quis raptis evocat armis?
222

SATYRICON

fists, and even the cries of women were not unheard on
the field. The helmsman alone swore that he would give
up minding the ship if this madness, which had been
stirred up to suit a pack of scoundrels, did not stop.
None the less, the fury of the combatants persisted, the
enemy fighting for revenge and we for dear life. Many
fell on both sides -without fatal results, still more got
bloody wounds and retired in the style of a real battle,
and still we all raged implacably. Then the gallant
Giton turned a razor on himself and threatened to put
an end to our troubles by self-mutilation, and Trj'phaena
averted the horrible disaster by a fair promise of free-
dom. I lifted a barber's knife to my throat several times,
no more meaning to kill myself than Giton meant to do
what he threatened. Still he filled the tragic part more
recklessly, because he knew that he was holding the
very razor with which he had already made a cut on his
throat. Both sides were drawn up in battle array, and it
was plain that the fight would be no ordinary affair, when
the helmsman with difficulty induced Tryphaena to con-
clude a treaty like a true diplomat. So the usual formal
undertakings were exchanged, and she waved an olive-
branch which she took from the ship's figure-head, and
ventured to come up and talk to us : What madness,"
she cried, is turning peace into war ? What have our
hands done to deserve it ? No Trojan hero^ carries the
bride of the cuckold son of Atreus in this fleet, nor
does frenzied Medea^ fight her foe by slaying her
brother. But love despised is p>owerful. Ah ! who
courts destruction among these waves by drawing

'Paris.

' Absyrtus, Medea's brother, and son of Aietes, king of
Colchis, plotted against Jason, who had come seeking the
Golden Fleece. Medea killed him and fled with Jason.

223

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Cui non est mors una satis? Ne vincite pontum

gurgitibusque feris alios imponite fluctus."

109 Haec ut turbato clamore mulier efFudit, haesit

paulisper acies, revocataeque ad pacem manus inter-

misere bellum. Utitur paenitentiae occasione dux

Eumolpos et castigato ante vehementissime Licha

tabulas foederis signatj quis haec formula erat: Ex

tui animi sententia, ut tu, Tryphaena, neque iniuriam

tibi factam a Gitone quereris, neque si quid ante hunc

diem factum est^ obicies vindicabisve aut ullo alio

genera persequendum curabis; ut tu nihil imperabis

puero repugnanti, non amplexum, non osculum, non

coitum venere constrictum, nisi pro qua re praesentes

numeraveris denarios centum. Item, Licha, ex tui

animi sententia, ut tu Encolpion nee verbo contume-

lioso insequeris nee vultu, neque quaeres ubi nocte

dormiat, aut si quaesieris, pro singulis iniuriis numera-

bis praesentes denarios ducenos." In haec verba

L foederibus compositis arma deponimus, | et ne residua

in animis etiam post iusiurandum ira remaneret, prae-

terita aboleri osculis placet. Exhortantibus universis

odia detumescunt, epulaeque ad certamen prolatae

LO conciliant hilaritate concordiam.^ | Exsonat ergo can-

tibus totum navigium, et quia repentina tranquillitas

intermiserat cursum, alius exultantes quaerebat fuscina

pisces, alius hamis blandientibus convellebat praedam

repugnantem. Ecce etiam per antemnam pelagiae

consederant volucres, quas textis harundinibus peritus

'concordiam Buecheler : concilium.

22*

SATYRICON

the sword ? Who does not find a single death
enough ? Do not strive to outdo the sea and heap
fresh waves upon its savage floods."

The woman poured out these words in a loud excited 1 09
voice, the fighting died away for a little while, our
hands were recalled to the way of peace, and dropped
the war. Our leader Eumolpus seized the occasion
of their relenting, and after making a warm attack
on Lichas, signed the treaty, which ran as follows:
" Agreed on your part, Tryphaena, that you will
not complain of any wrong done to you by Giton, and
if any has been done to you before this date will
not bring it up against him or punish him or take
steps to follow it up in any other way whatsoever;
that you will give the boy no orders which he dislikes,
for a hug, a kiss, or a lover's close embrace, without
paying a hundred pieces for it cash down. Further-
more, it is agreed on your part, Lichas, that you will
not pursue Encolpius with insulting words or grimaces,
nor inquire where he sleeps at night, or if you do in-
quire will pay two hundred pieces cash do^^•n for every
injurious act done to him." Peace was made on these
terms, and we laid down our arms, and for fear any
vestige of anger should be left in our minds, even
after taking the oath, we decided to wipe out the
past with a kiss. There Avas applause all round, our
hatred died down, and a feast which had been brought
for the fight cemented our agreement with joviality.
Then the whole ship rang with songs ; and a sudden
calm ha\ing stayed us in our course, one man pursued
the leaping fish with a spear, another pulled in his
struggling prey on alluring hooks. Besides all this,
some sea-birds settled on one of the yards, and a
clever sportsman took them in with Jointed rod of
Q 225

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

artifex tetigit; illae viscatis illigatae viminibus defe-
rebantur ad manus. Tollebat plumas aura volitantes,
pinnasque per maria inanis spuma torquebat.

lam Lichas redire mecum in gratiam coeperat, iam
Tryphaena Gitona extrema parte potionis spargebat,
cum Eumolpus et ipse vino solutus dicta voluit in
calvos stigmososque iaculari, donee consumpta frigidis-
sima urbanitate rediit ad carmina sua coepitque capil-
lorum elegidarion dicere:

Quod solum formae decus est, cecidere capilli,

vernantesque comas tristis abegit hiemps.
Nunc umbra nudata sua iam tempora maerent,

areaque attritis ridet adulta^ pilis.
O fallax natura deum : quae prima dedisti
aetati nostrae gaudia, prima rapis."
Infelix, modo crinibus nitebas
Phoebo pulchrior et sorore Phoebi.
At nunc levior acre vel rotundo
horti tubere, quod creavit unda,
ridentes fugis et times puellas.
Ut mortem citius venire credas,
scito iam capitis perisse partem."
1 1 0 Plura volebat proferre, credo, et ineptiora praeteri-
tis, cum ancilla Tryphaenae Gitona in partem navis
inferiorem ducit corymbioque dominae pueri adornat
caput. Immo supercilia etiam profert de pyxide scite-
que iacturae lineamenta secuta totam illi formam
suam reddidit. Agnovit Tryphaena verum Gitona,
lacrimisque turbata tunc primum bona fide puero
^ adulta Buecheler : adusta.
226

SATYRICON

rushes ; they were snared by these limed twigs and
brought down into our hands. The breeze caught
their feathers as they flew, and the hght foam lashed
their wings as they skimmed the sea.

Lichas was just beginning to be friendly with me
again, Tr\-phaena was just pouring the dregs of a drink
over Giton, Avhen Eumolpus, who was unsteady with
drink himself, tried to aim some satire at bald persons
and branded criminals, and after exhausting his chilly
wit, went back to his poetry and began to declaim a
little dirge on Hair:

The hair that is the whole glory of the body is
fallen, dull winter has carried away the bright locks
of spring. Now the temples are bare of their shade
and are downcast, and the wide naked space on my old
head shines where the hair is worn away. Ye Gods
that love to cheat us; ye rob us first of the first joys
ye gave to our youth.

Poor wretch, a moment ago thy hair shone bright
and more beautiful than Phoebus and the sister of
Phoebus. Now thou art smoother than bronze or the
round garden mushroom that is bom in rain, and
tumest in dread from a girl's mockery. To teach
thee how quickly death shall come, know that a part
of thine head hath died already."

He wanted to produce some more hnes even more 110
silly than the last, I believe, when Trj-phaena's majd
took Giton below decks, and ornamented the boy's head
with some of her mistress's artificial curls. Further,
she also took some eyebrows out of a box, and by cun-
ningly following the lines where he was defaced she
restored his proper beauty complete. Tryphaena re-
cognized the true Giton, there was a storm of tears,
and she then for the first time gave the boy a kiss
q2 227

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

L basium dedit. | Ego etiam si repositum in pristinurn
decorem puerum gaudebam^ abscondebam tamen fre-
quentius vultum intellegebamque me non tralaticia
deformitate esse insignitum, quern alloquio dignum ne
Lichas quidem erederet. Sed huic tristitiae eadem
ilia succurrit ancilla, sevocatumque me non minus de-
coro exornavit capillamento ; immo commendatior
vultus enituitj quia flavum^ corymbion erat . . .
LO I Ceterum Eumolpos, et periclitantium advocatus et
praesentis concordiae auctor, ne sileret sine fabulis
hilaritas, multa in muliebrem levitatem coepit iactare :
quam facile adamarent, quam cito etiam filiorum obli-
viscerentur, nullamque esse feminam tam pudicam,
quae non peregrina libidine usque ad furorem averte-
retur. Nee se tragoedias veteres curare aut nomina
saeculis nota, sed rem sua memoria factam, quam
expositurum se esse, si vellemus audire. Conversis
igitur omnium in se vultibus auribusque sic orsus est;
111 Matrona quaedam Ephesi tam notae erat pudici-

tiae, ut vicinarum quoque gentium feminas ad specta-
culum sui evocaret. Haec ergo cum virum extulisset,
non contenta vulgari more funus passis prosequi crini-
bus aut nudatum pectus in conspectu frequentiae
plangere, in conditorium etiam prosecuta est defun-
ctum, positumque in hypogaeo Graeco more corpus
custodire ac flere totis noctibus diebusque coepit. Sic
afflictantem se ac mortem inedia persequentem non
parentes potuerunt abducere, non propinqui; magi-
stratus ultimo repulsi abierunt, complorataque singularis
' flavum margin ed. of Tornaesius : flaucorura,
228

SATYRICON

with real affection. Of coursCj I was glad to see him
clothed again in his former loveliness, but still I kept
hiding my own face continually, for I realized that I was
marked with no common ugliness, since not even Lichas
considered me fit to speak to. But the same maid came
and rescued me from gloom, called me aside, and decked
me with equally becoming curls. Indeed, my face shone
with a greater glorj'. My curls were golden ! . . .

Then Eumolpus, our spokesman in peril and the
begetter of our present peace, to save our jollity from
falling dumb for want of good stories, began to hurl
many taunts at the fickleness of women; how easily
they fell in love, how quickly they forgot even
their own sons, how no woman was so chaste that she
could not be led away into utter madness by a passion
for a stranger. He was not thinking of old tragedies
or names notorious in history, but of an affair which
happened in his lifetime. He would tell it us if we
liked to listen. So all eyes and ears were turned
upon him, and he began as follows :

There was a married woman in Ephesus of such 111
famous virtue that she drew women even from the
neighbouring states to gaze upon her. So when she
had buried her husband, the common fashion of follow-
ing the procession with loose hair, and beating the
naked breast in front of the crowd, did not satisfy her.
She followed the dead man even to his resting-place,
and began to watch and weep night and day over the
body, which was laid in an underground vault in the
Greek fashion. Neither her parents nor her relations
could divert her from thus torturing herself, and
courting death by starvation ; the officials were at last
rebuffed and left her; every one mourned for her as
a woman of unique character, and she was now

229

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBl'lEK

exempli femina ab omnibus quintum iam diem sine
alimento trahebat. Assidebat aegrae fidissima ancilla,
simulque et lacrimas commodabat lugenti, et quotiens-
cunque defecerat positum in monumento lumen
renovabat. Una igitur in tota civitate fabula erat,
solum illud affulsisse verum pudicitiae amorisque ex-
emplum omnis ordinis homines confitebantur, cum
interim imperator provinciae latrones iussit crucibus
affigi secundum illam casulam, in qua recens cadaver
matrona deflebat. Proxima ergo nocte, cum miles,
qui cruces asservabat, ne quis ad sepulturam corpus
detraheret, notasset sibi [et] lumen inter monumenta
clarius fulgens et gemitum lugentis audisset, vitio
gentis humanae concupiit scire, quis aut quid faceret.
Descendit igitur in conditorium, visaque pulcherrima
muliere primo quasi quodam monstro infernisque
imaginibus turbatus substitit. Deinde ut et corpus
iacentis conspexit et lacrimas consideravit faciemque
unguibus sectam, ratus scilicet id quod erat, deside-
rium extincti non posse feminam pati, attulit in
monumentum cenulam suam coepitque hortari lugen-
tem, ne perseveraret in dolore supervacuo ac nihil
profuturo gemitu pectus diduceret: omnium eundem
esse exitum [sed] et idem domicilium, et cetera quibus
exulceratae mentes ad sanitatem revocantur. At ilia
ignota consolatione percussa laceravit vehementius
pectus ruptosque crines super corpus^ iacentis imposuit.
Non recessit tamen miles, sed eadem exhortatione
temptavit dare mulierculae cibum, donee ancilla vini

' «orpus Nodot : pectus.
«SO

SATYRICON

passing her fifth day without food. A devoted maid sat
by the failing woman, shed tears in sjTnpathy with
her woes, and at the same time filled up the lamp,
which was placed in the tomb, whenever it sank. There
was but one opinion throughout the city, every class
of person admitting this was the one true and brilliant
example of chastity and love. At this moment the
governor of the province gave orders that some robbers
should be crucified near the small building where the
lady was bewailing her recent loss. So on the next
night, when the soldier who was watching the crosses,
to prevent anyone taking down a body for burial,
observed a light shining plainly among the tombs, and
heard a mourner's groans, a very human weakness
made him curious to know who it was and what he
was doing. So he went down into the vault, and on
seeing a very beautiful woman, at first halted in con-
fusion, as if he had seen a portent or some ghost from
the world beneath. But afterwards noticing the dead
man lying there, and watching the woman's tears and
the marks of her nails on her face, he came to the
correct conclusion, that she found her regret for the
lost one unendurable. He therefore brought his
supper into the tomb, and began to urge the mourner
not to persist in useless griefj and break her heart
with unprofitable sobs: for all men made the same
end and found the same resting-place, and so on with
the other platitudes which restore wounded spirits to
health. But she took no notice of his sympathy,
struck and tore her breast more violently than ever,
pulled out her hair, and laid it on the dead body. Still
the soldier did not retire, but tried to give the poor
woman food ■with similar encouragements, until the
maid, who was no doubt seduced by the smell of his

231

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
certe ab eo odore corrupta primum ipsa porrexit ad
humanitatem invitantis victam manum, deinde refecta
potione et cibo expugnare dominae pertinaciam coepit
et Quid proderit' inquit hoc tibi, si soluta inedia
fueris, si te vivam sepelieris^ si antequam fata poscant,
indemnatum spiritum effuderis?

Id cinerem aut manes credis sentire sepultos?
Vis tu reviviscere ? Vis discusso muliebri errore, quam
diu licuerit, lucis commodis frui? Ipsum te iacentis
corpus admonere debet, ut vivas.' Nemo invitus audit,
cum cogitur aut cibum sumere aut vivere. Itaque
mulier aliquot dierum abstinentia sicca passa est frangi
pertinaciam suam, nee minus avide replevit se cibo
112 quam ancilla, quae prior victa est. Ceterum scitis,
quid plerumque soleat temptare humanam satietatem.
Quibus blanditiis impetraverat miles, ut matrona vel-
let vivere, isdem etiam pudicitiam eius aggressus est.
Nee defomiis aut infacundus iuvenis castae videbatur,
conciliante gratiam ancilla ac subinde dicente :
Placitone etiam pugnabis amori?

Necvenit in mentem, quorum consederis arvis?'
quid diutius moror? ne banc quidem partem corporis
mulier abstinuit, victorque miles utrumque persuasit.
lacuerunt ergo una non tantum ilia nocte, qua nuptias
fecerunt, sed postero etiam ac tertio die, praeclusis
videlicet conditorii foribus, ut quisquis ex notis igno-
tisque ad monumentum venisset, putaret expirasse
super corpus viri pudicissimam uxorem. Ceterum

232

SATi'RICON

wine, first gave in herself, and put out her hand at his
kindly invitation, and then, refreshed v.ith food and
drink, began to assail her mistress's obstinacy, and say.
What will you gain by all this, if you faint away -with
hunger, if you bury yourself alive, if you breathe out
your undoomed soul before Fate calls for it ? ' Believest
thou that the ashes or the spirit of the buried dead
can feel thy woe?^ Will you not begin life afresh?
Will you not shake off this womanish failing, and
enjoy the blessings of the light so long as you are
allowed? Your poor dead husband's body here ought
to persuade you to keep alive.' People are always
readj' to listen when they are urged to take a meal or
to keep alive. So the lad}', being thirsty after several
days' abstinence, allowed her resolution to be broken
dow^l, and filled herself with food as greedily as the
maid, who had been the first to yield.

Well, you know which temptation generally assails 112
a man on a full stomach. The soldier used the same
insinuating phrases which had persuaded the lady to
consent to live, to conduct an assault upon her virtue.
Her modest eye saw in him a young man, handsome
and eloquent. The maid begged her to be gracious,
and then said. Wilt thou fight love even when love
pleases thee ? Or dost thou never remember in whose
lands thou art resting ? ' - I need hide the fact no
longer. The lady ceased to hold out, and the con-
quering hero won her over entire. So they passed
not only their wedding night together, but the next
and a third, of course shutting the door of the vault,
so that any friend or stranger who came to the tomb
would imagine that this most ^•irtuous lady had
breathed her last over her husband's body. Well, the
* See Virgil, Mneid iv, 34. * See Virgil, ^netd iv, 38.

233

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
delectatus miles et forma mulieris et secreto^ quicquid
boni per facultates poterat, coemebat et prima statim
nocte in monumentum ferebat. Itaque unius cruciarii
parentes ut viderunt laxatam custodiam, detraxere
nocte pendentem supremoque mandaverunt officio.
At miles cii'cumscriptus dum desidet, ut postero die
vidit unam sine cadavere crucem, veritus supplicium,
muUeri quid accidisset exponit : nee se exspectaturum
iudicis sententiam, sed gladio ius dicturum ignaviae
suae. Commodaret ergo ilia perituro locum et fatale
conditorium familiari ac viro faceret. Mulier non
minus misericors quam pudica ne istud' inquit dii
sinant, ut eodem tempore duorum mihi carissimorum
hominum duo funera spectem. Malo mortuum im-
pendere quam vivum occidere.' Secundum hanc
orationem iubet ex area corpus mariti sui tolli atque
illi, quae vacabat, cruci affigi. Usus est miles ingenio
prudentissimae feminae, posteroque die populus mi-
ratus est, qua rati one mortuus isset in crucem."
113 Risu excepere fabulam nautae, [et] erubescente non
mediocriter Tryphaena vultumque suum super cervi-
cem Gitonis amabiliter ponente. At non Lichas risit,
sed iratum commovens caput Si iustus" inquit im-
perator fuisset, debuit patris familiae corpus in monu-
mentum referre, mulierem affigere cruci."

Non dubie redierat in animum Hedyle expilatum-
que libidinosa migratione navigium. Sed nee foederis
234

SATi: EICON

soldier was delighted with the woman's beauty, and
his stolen pleasure; he bought up all the fine things
his means permitted, and carried them to the tomb
the moment darkness fell. So the parents of one
of the crucified, seeing that the watch was ill-
kept, took their man down in the dark and adminis-
tered the last rite to him. The soldier was eluded
while he was off duty, and next daj', seeing one of
the crosses without its corpse, he was in terror of
punishment, and explained to the lady what had
happened. He declared that he would not wait for
a court-martial, but would punish his o\\Ta neglect
with a thrust of his sword. So she had better get
ready a place for a dying man, and let the gloomy
vault enclose both her husband and her lover. The
lady's heart was tender as well as pure. Heaven
forbid,' she replied, that 1 should look at the same
moment on the dead bodies of two men whom I love.
No, I would rather make a dead man useful, than
send a Uve man to death.' After this speech she
ordered her husband's body to be taken out of the
coflSn and fixed up on the empty cross. The soldier
availed himself of this far-seeing woman's device, and
the people wondered the next day by what means the
r^ead man had ascended the cross."

The sailors received this tale with a roar ; Try- 113
phaena blushed deeply, and laid her face caressingly
on Giton's neck. But there was no laugh from
Lichas ; he shook his head angrily and said : If the
governor of the province had been a just man, he
should have put the dead husband back in the tomb,
and hung the woman on the cross."

No doubt he was thinking once more of Hedyle
and how his ship had been pillaged on her passionate

235

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

verba permittebant meminisse, nee hilaritas, quae
occupaverat mentes^ dabat iracundiae locum. Ceterum
Tryphaena in gremio Gitonis posita modo implebat
osculis pectus, interdum concinnabat spoliatum crini-
bus vultum. I Ego maestus et impatiens foederis novi
non cibum, non potionem capiebam, sed obliquis truci-
busque oculis utrumque spectabam. Omnia me oscula
vubierabant, omnes blanditiae, quascunque mulier
libidinosa fingebat. Nee tamen adhuc sciebam, utrum
magis puero irascerer, quod amicam mihi auferret, an
amicae, quod puerum corrumperet: utraque inimi-
cissima oculis meis et captivitate praeterita tristiora.
Accedebat hue, quod neque Tryphaena me alloque-
batur tanquam familiarem et aliquando gratum sibi
amatorem, nee Giton me aut tralaticia propinatione
dignum iudicabat, aut quod minimum est, sermone
communi vocabat, credo, veritus ne inter initia coeuntis
gratiae recentem cicatricem rescinderet. Inundavere
pectus lacrimae dolore paratae, gemitusque suspirio
tectus animam paene submovit . . .

In partem voluptatis temptabat admitti, nee domini
supercilium induebat, sed amici quaerebat obse-
quium . . .

"Si quid ingenui sanguinis habes, non pluris illani
facies, quam scortum. Si vir fueris, non ibis ad spin-
triam"^ . . .

Me nihil magis pungebat,^ quam ne Eumolpus sen-
sisset, quicquid illud fuerat, et homo dicacissimus
carminibus vindicaret . . .

lurat Eumolpus verbis conceptissimis . . .

^ spintriam margin ed. of Tornaesius : spuicam or spuitam.
' pung^ebat Buecheler : pudebat,
236

SATYRICON

elopement. But the tenns of our treaty forbade us
to bear grudges, and the joy which had filled our souls
left no room for wTath. Trj'phaena was now lying in
Giton's lap, covering him with kisses one moment,
and sometimes patting his shaven head. I was
gloomy and uneasy about our new terms, and did not
touch food or drmk, but kept shooting angry looks
askance at them both. Everj' kiss was a wound to
me, every pleasing wile that the wanton woman con-
jured up. I was not yet sure whether I was more
angry with the boy for taking away my mistress, or
with my mistress for leading the boy astray : both of
them were hateful to my sight and more depressing
than the bondage I had escaped. And besides all
this, Tryphaena did not address me like a friend whom
she was once pleased to have for a lover, and Giton
did not think fit to drink mj* health in the ordinary
way, and would not even so much as include me in
general conversation. I suppose he was afraid of re-
opening a tender scar just as friendly feeling began to
draw it together. My unhappiness moved me till
tears overflowed my heart, and the groan I hid with a
sigh almost stole my life away. . .

He tried to gain admission to share their joys, not
wearing the proud look of a master, but begging him
to yield as a friend. . .

If j-ou have a drop of honest blood in you you >vill
think no more of her than of a common woman. Si vir
fueris, non ibis ad spintriam" . . .

Nothing troubled me more than the fear that
Eumolpus might have got some idea of what was going
on, and might employ his powers of speech in attack-
ing me in verse. . .

Eumolpus swore an oath in most formal language. . ,

237

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
114 Dum haec taliaque iactamus, inhorruit mare nu-
besque undique adductae obruere tenebris diem. Dis-
currunt nautae ad officia trepidantes velaque tempe-
statisubducunt. Sed nee certosfluctus ventusimpulerat,
nee quo destinaret cursum, gubernator sciebat. Sieiliam
modo ventus dabat, saepissime [in oram] Italici litoris
aquilo possessor convertebat hue illuc obnoxiam ratem,
et quod omnibus procellis periculosius erat, tam spissae
repente tenebrae lucem suppresserant, ut ne proram
quidem totam gubernator videret. Itaque hereules
postquam maris ira infesta^ convaluit, Lichas trepidans
ad me supinas porrigit manus et tu " inquit Encolpi,
succurre perielitantibus et vestem illam divinam si-
strumque redde navigio. Per fidem, miserere, quem-
admodum quidem soles."

Et ilium quidem vociferantem in mare ventus ex-
cussit, repetitumque infesto gurgite procella circumegit
atque hausit. Tryphaenam autem prope iam fide-
lissimi rapuerunt servi, scaphaeque impositam cum
maxima sarcinarum parte abduxere certissimae morti . . .

Applicitus cum clamore flevi et Hoc" inquam a
diis meruimus, ut nos sola morte coniungerent ? Sed
non crudelis fortuna concedit. Ecce iam ratem fluctus
evertet, ecce iam amplexus amantium iratum dividet
mare. Igitur, si vere Encolpion dilexisti, da oscula,
dum licet, et ultimum hoc gaudium fatis properantibus
rape." Haec ut ego dixi, Giton vestem deposuit

' ratem Goldast: partem.

'maris era infesta Buechehr : manifesta.

SATYRICON

While we talked over this matter and others, the 114
sea rose, clouds gathered from every quarter, and
overwhelmed the day in darkness. The sailors ran
to their p>osts in terror, and furled the sails before the
storm. But the Avind did not drive the waves in any
one direction, and the helmsman was at a loss which
way to steer. One moment the ■x^ind set towards
Sicily, very often the north wind blew off the Italian
coast, mastered the ship and twisted her in every
direction ; and what was more dangerous than any
squall, such thick darkness had suddenly blotted out
the light that the steersman could not even see the
whole prow. Then for a wonder, as the hostile fury of
the storm gathered, Lichas trembled and stretched out
his hands to me imploringlj-, and said, " Help us in
our peril, Encolpius ; let the ship have the goddess's
robe again and her holy rattle.^ Be merciful, I implore
you, as your way is."

But even as he shouted the vrind blew him into
the water, a squall whirled him round and round
repeatedly in a fierce whirlpool, and sucked him
down. Tryphaena's faithful slaves carried her off
almost by force, put her in a boat with most of her
luggage, and so rescued her from certain death. . ,

I embraced Giton, and wept and cried aloud : "' Did
we deserve this from the gods, that they should unite
us only when they slay .* But cruel Fate does not
grant us even this. Look I even now the waves will
upset the boat ; even now the angry sea will sunder a
lover's embrace. So if you ever really loved Encolpius,
kiss him while you may, and snatch this last joy as
Fate swoops down upon you." As I spoke Giton took

' Sacred emblems of Isis which Encolpius had probably
stolen.

S39

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

meaque tunica contectus exeruit ad osculum caput.
Et ne sic cohaerentes malignior fluctus distraheret,
utrumque zona circumvenienti praecinxit et SI nihil
aliudj certe diutius" inquit iunctos nos mare^ feret^
vel si voluerit misericors ad idem litus expellere^ aut
praeteriens aliquis tralaticia humanitate lapidabit, aut
quod ultimum est iratis etiam fluctibus, imprudens
harena componet." Patior ego vinculum extremum,
et veluti lecto funebri aptatus exspecto mortem iam
non molestam. Peragit interim tempestas mandata
fatorum omnesque reliquias navis expugnat, Non
arbor erat relicta, non gubernacula, non funis aut
remuSj sed quasi rudis atque infecta materies ibat cum
fluctibus . . .

Procurrere piscatores parvulis expediti navigiis ad
praedam rapiendam. Deinde ut aliquos viderunt, qui
suas opes defenderent, mutaverunt crudelitatem in
auxilium . . .
115 Audimus murmur insolitum et sub diaeta magistri
quasi cupientis exire beluae gemitum. Persecuti igitur
sonum invenimus Eumolpum sedentem membranaeque
ingenti versus ingerentem. Mirati ergo, quod illi
vacaret in vicinia mortis poema facere, extrahimus
clamantem iubemusque bonam habere mentem. At
ille interpellatus excanduit et 'Sinite me" inquit
"sententiam explere; laborat carmen in fine." Inicio
ego phrenitico manum iubeoque Gitona accedere et in
terram trahere poetam mugientem ...

Hoc opere tandem elaborate casam piscatoriam
subimus maerentes, cibisque naufragio corruptis
' iunctos nos mare Faber : iuncta nos mors.
240

SATYRICON

off his clothes, and I covered him with my shirt as he
put up his head to be kissed. And that no envious
wave should pull us apart as we clung to each other, he
put his belt round us both and tied it tight, sajing.
Whatever happens to us, at least we shall be locked
together a long while as the sea oarries us, and if the
sea has pity and will cast us up on the same shore, some
one may come by and put stones over us out of ordinary
human kindness, or the last work of the waves even
in their wrath will be to cover us with the unconscious
sand." I let him bind me for the last time, and then
waited, like a man dressed for his death-bed, for an
end that had lost its bitterness. Meanwhile by Fate's
decree the storm rose to its height, and took by violence
all that was left of the ship. No mast, no helm, no
rope or oar remained on her. She drifted on the waves
like a rough and unshapen lump of wood. . . .

Some fishermen in handy little boats put out to
seize their prey. \Vlien they saw some men alive and
ready to fight for their belongings, they altered their
savage plans and came to the rescue. . .

We heard a strange noise, and a groaning like a 115
wild beast, coming from under the master's cabin.
So we followed the noise, and found Eumolpus sitting
there inscribing verses on a great parchment. We
were surprised at his having time to write poetry with
death close at hand, and we pulled him out, though
he p.rotested, and implored him to be sensible. But he
was farious at our interruption, and cried: "Let me
complete my design; the poem halts at the close."
I laid hanxds on the maniac, and told Giton to help
me to drag the bellowing bard ashore. . .

When this business was at last completed, we
came sadly to a fisherman's cottage, refreshed our-
R 241

riTUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

utcunque curati tristissimam exegimus noctem. Po-
stero die, cum poneremus consilium, cui nos regioni
crederemuSj repente video corpus humanum circum-
actum levi vertice ad litus deferri. Substiti ergo tristis
coepique umentibus^ oculis maris fidem inspicere et
Hunc forsitan" proclamo in aliqua parte terrarum
secura exspectat uxor, forsitan ignarus tempestatis
filius aut pater ;^ utique reliquit aliquem, cui pro-
ficiscens osculum dedit. Haec sunt consilia mortalium,
haec vota magnarum cogitationum. En homo quem-
admodum natat." Adhuc tanquam ignotum defle-
bam, cum inviolatum os fluctus convertit in terram,
agnovique terribilem paulo ante et implacab.lem Li-
cham pedibus meis paene subiectum. IS on tenui
igitur diutius lacrimas, immo percussi semel iterumque
manibus pectus et "Ubi nunc est" inquam iracundia
tua, ubi impotentia tua? nempe piscibus beluisque
expositus es, et qui paulo ante iactabas vires imperii
tui, de tam magna nave ne tabulam quidem naufragus
habes. Ite nunc mortales, et magnis cogitationibus
pectora implete. Ite cauti, et opes fraudibus captas
per mille annos disponite. Nempe hie proxima luce
patrimonii sui rationes inspexit, nempe diem etiam,
quo venturus esset in patriam, animo suo fixit.^ Dii
deaeque, quam longe a destinatione sua iacet. Sed
non sola rcortalibus maria hanc fidem praestant. Ilium
bellantem arma decipiunt, ilium diis vota reddentem
penatium suorum ruina sepelit. Ille vehiculo lapsus
properantem spirituni excussit, cibus avidum strangu-

'umentibus margin ed. o/Tornaesius: viventibus.
' pater Buecheler : patrem.
* fixit Oeveringius : finxit.
242

SATYRICON

selves more or less with food spoilt by sea-water, and
passed a very miserable night. Next morning, as we
were trying to decide into what part of the country
we should venture, I suddenly saw a man's body caught
in a gentle eddy and carried ashore. I stopped gloom-
ily, and, with moist eyes, began to reflect upon the
treachery of the sea. Maybe," I cried, there is a wife
waiting cheerfully at home for this man in a far-off land,
or a son or a father, maybe, who know nothing of this
storm ; he is sure to have left some one behind whom
he kissed before he went. So much for mortal men's
plans, and the prayers of high ambition. Look how
the man floats." I was still crying over him as a per-
fect stranger, when a wave turned his face towards
the shore ^v•ithout a mark upon it, and I recognized
Lichas, but a while ago so fierce and so relentless, now
thrown almost under my feet. Then I could restrain
my tears no longer ; I beat my breast again and again,
and cried. Where is your temper and j'our hot head
now? Behold! you are a prey for fish and savage
beasts. An hour ago you boasted the strength of
your command, and you have not one plank of your
great ship to save you. Now let mortal men fill their
hearts with proud imaginations if thej' will. Let misers
lay out the gains they win by fraud for a thousand
years. Lo ! this man but yesterday looked into the
accounts of his family property, and even settled in
his ovm mind the verj' day when he would come home
again. Lord, Lord, how far he lies from his consumma-
tion ! But it is not the waves of the sea alone that thus
keep faith \\'ith mortal meri. The warrior's weapons
fail him ; another pays his vows to Heaven, and his own
house falls and buries him in the act. Another slips from
his coach and dashes out his eager soul : the glutton
«2 24.3

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
lavft, abstinentem frugalitas. Si bene calculum ponas,
ubique naufragium est. At enim fluctibus obruto non
contingit sepultura. Tanquam intersit, periturum
corpus quae ratio consumat, ignis an fluetus an mora.
Quicquid feceris^ omnia haec eodem ventura sunt.
Ferae tamen corpus lacerabunt. Tanquam melius ignis
accipiat; immo banc poenam gravissimam credimus,
ubi servis irascimur. Quae ergo dementia est, omnia
facere, ne quid de nobis relinquat sepultura?" . . .

Et Licham quidem rogus inimicis collatus manibus
adolebat. Eumolpus autem dum epigrauima mortuo
facit, oculos ad arcessendos sensus longius mittit . . .
116 Hoc peracto libenter officio destinatum carpimus
iter ac momento temporis in montem sudantes con
scendimus, ex quo baud procul impositum arce sub-
limi oppidum cernimus. Nee quod esset, sciebamus
errantes, donee a vilico quodam Crotona esse cognovi-
mus,urbem antiquissimam et aliquando Italiae primam.
Cum deinde diligentius exploraremus, qui homines
inhabitarent nobile solum, quodve genus negotiationis
praecipue probarent post attritas bellis frequentibus
opes, "O mi" inquit ' hospites, si negotiatores estis,
mutate propositum aliudque vitae praesidium quaerite.
Sin autem urbanioris notae homines sustinetis semper
mentiri, recta ad lucrum curritis. In iiac enim urbe
non litterarum studia celebrantur, non eloquentia
locum habet, non frugalitas sanctlque mores laudibus
ad fVuctum perveniunt, sed quoscunque homines in
244

SATYRICON

chokes at dinner, the sparing man dies of want. Make
a fair reckoning, and you find shipwreck evervvvhere.
You tell me that for those the waters whelm there is no
burial. As if it mattered how our perishable flesh comes
to its end, by fire or water or the lapse of time I What-
ever you may do, all these things achieve the same
goal. But beasts ^^^ll tear the body, you say, as though
fire would give it a more kindly welcome 1 WTien we
are angry vdih our slaves, we consider burning their
heaviest punishment. Then what madness to take such
trouble to prevent the grave from leaving aught of us
behind I" . . .

So Lichas was burned on a pyre built by his enemy's
hands. Emnolpus proceeded to compose an epitaph
on the dead man, and looked about in search of some
far-fetched ideas. . .

We gladly performed this last office, and then took 1 1 6
up our proposed way, and in a short while came
sweating to a mountain top, from which we saw,
not far off, a town set on a high peak. We had lost
ourselves, and did not know what it was, until we
learned from a farm-bailiff that it was Croton, a town
of great age, and once the first city in Italy. Wlien
we went on to inquire particularly what men lived on
such honoured soil, and what kind of business pleased
them best, now that their wealth had been brought
low by so many wars, the man replied. My friends,
if you are business men, change j'our plans and look
for some other safe way of life. But if you profess to
be men of a superior stamp and thorough-paced liars,
you are on the direct road to wealth. In this
city the pursuit of learning is not esteemed, elo-
quence has no place, economy and a pure life do not
win their reward in honour : know that the whole of

245

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

hac urbe videritis, scitote in duas partes esse divisos.
Nam aut captantur aut captant. In hac urbe nemo
liberos tollit, quia quisquis suos heredes habet, non ad
cenas/ non ad speetacula admittitur, sed omnibus pro-
hibetur commodis, inter ignominiosos latitat. Qui vero
nee uxores unquam duxerunt nee proximas necessitu-
dines habent, ad summos honores perveniunt, id est
soli militares, soli fortissimi atque etiam innocentes
habentur. Adibitis" inquit oppidum tanquam in
pestilentia campos, in quibus nihil aliud est nisi cada-
vera^ quae lacerantur^ aut corvi, qui lacerant" . . .
1 1 7 prudentior Eumolpus convertit ad novitatem rei
mentem genusque divinationis sibi non displicere con-
fessus est. locari ego senem poetica levitate credebam,
cum ille ' Utinam quidem sufficeret largior scaena, id
est vestis humanior, instrumentum lautius, quod prae-
beret mendacio fidem : non mehercules penam istam
differrem, sed continue vos ad magnas opes ducerem.
Atquin promitto, quicquid exigeret, dummodo placeret
vestis, rapinae comes, et quicquid Lycurgi villa gras-
santibus praebuisset. Nam nummos in praesentem
usum deum matrem pro fide sua reddituram" . . .

"Quid ergo" inquit Eumolpus cessamus mimum
componere? Facite ergo me dominum, si negotiatio
placet." Nemo ausus est artem damnare nihil aufe-
rentem. Itaq \e ut duraret inter omnes tutum men-
dacium, in verba Eumolpi sacramentum iuravimus:
uri, vinciri, verberari ferroque necari, et quicquid
aliud Eumolpus iussisset. Tanquam legitimi gladia-
' cenas Bongarsius : scenas.
246

SATYRICON

the men you see in this city are divided into two
classes. They are either the prey of legacy-hunting or
legacy-hunters themselves. In this city no one brings
up children, because anj'one who has heirs of his own
stock is never inWted to dinner or the theatre ; he is
deprived of all advantages, and lies in obscurity among
the base-bom. But those who have never married, and
have no near relations, reach the highest positions;
they alone, that is, are considered soldierly, gallant,
or even good. Yes," he went on, you will go into
a town that is like a plague-stricken plain, where
there is nothing but carcasses to be devoured, and
crows to devour them." . . .

Eumolpus was more cautious, and directed his 1 1 7
attention to the novelty of the case, declaring that
this kind of prophecy did not make hun uneasy. I
thought the old man was joking -with the light heart
of a poet, but then he said, I only wish I had a more
ample background, I mean a more gentlemanly dress,
and finer ornaments, to lend colour to my strange tale ;
I declare I would not put off the business, I would
bring you into great wealth in a moment. Anyhow,
I promise to do whatever my fellow-robber demands,
so long as my clothes are satisfactory-, and whatever
we may find in Lycurgus's house when we break in. I
am sure that our mother goddess for her honour's
sake will pay up some coin to us for present needs." . . .
"Well then," said Eumolpus, "Why shouldn't we
make up a farce ? Now appoint me your master, if
you like the business." No one dared to grumble
at this harmless device. So to keep the lie safe
among us all, we took an oath to obey Eumolpus;
to endure burning, bondage, flogging, death by the
sword, or anything else that Eumolpus ordered. We

247

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
tores domino corpora animasque religiosissime addici-
mus. Post peractum sacramentum serviliter ficti
dominum consalutamus, elatumque ab Eumolpo filium
pariter condiscimus, iuvenem ingentis eloquentiae et
spei, ideoque de civitate sua miserrimum senem exisse,
lie aut clientes sodalesque filii sui aut sepulcrum
quotidie causam lacrimarum cerneret. Accessisse
huic tristitiae proximum naufragium, quo amplius
vicies sestertium amiserit; nee ilium iactura moveri,
sed destitutum ministerio non agnoscere dignitatem
suam. Praeterea habere in Africa trecenties sester-
tium fundis nominibusque depositum; nam familiam
quidem tam magnam per agros Numidiae esse sparsam,
ut possit vel Cartliaginem capere. Secundum hanc
formulam imperamus Eumolpo, ut plurimum tussiat,
ut sit modo solutions stomachi cibosque omnes palam
damnet; loquatur aurum et argentum fundosque
mendaces et perpetuam terrarum sterilitatem ; sedeat
praeterea quotidie ad rationes tabulasque testamenti
onmibus mensihus renovet. Et ne quid scaenae deesset,
quotiescunque aliquem nostrum vocare temptasset,
alium pro alio vocaret^ ut facile appareret dominum
etiam eorum meminisse, qui praesentes non essent.

His ita ordinatis, "quod bene feliciterque eveniret"
precati deos viam ingredimur. Sed neque Giton sub
insolito fasce durabat, et mercennarius Corax, detrecta-
tor ministerii, posita frequentius sarcina male dicebat
properantibus affirmabatque se aut proiecturum sarcinas
aut cum onere fugiturum. ' Quid vos" inquit iumen-
248

SATYRICON

pledged our bodies and souls to our master most
solenmly, like regular gladiators. When the oath was
over, we posed like slaves and saluted our master, and
learned all together that Eumolpus had lost a son, a
young man of great eloquence and promise, and
that the poor old man had left his o-wti country for
this reason, to escape seeing his son's dependants
and friends, or the tomb which was the source of
his daily tears. His grief had been increased by a
recent shipwreck, in which he lost over two million
sesterces: it was not the loss that troubled him, but
with no servant to wait upon him he could not re-
cognize his o-v^Ti importance. Besides, he had thirty
millions invested in Africa in estates and bonds; such
a horde of his slaves was scattered over the fields of
Numidia that he could positively have sacked Carthage.
Under this scheme we ordered Eumolpus to cough
frequently, sometimes to be bihous, and to find fault
openly with all his food ; he must talk of gold and
silver and his disappointing farms and the obstinate
barrenness of the sod ; further, he must sit over his
accounts daily, and revise the sheets of his will every
month. To make the setting quite complete, he was to
use the wTong names whenever he tried to call one
of us, so that it would clearly look as though our
master had also in his mind some servants who were
not present. This was all arranged; we offered a
prayer to Heaven for a prosperous and happy issue,
and started on our journey. But Giton was not used
to a burden and could not bear it, and the slave Corax,
a shirker of work, kept putting down his bundle
and cursing our hurry, and df^claring that he would
either throw the baggage away or run off with his
load. ' You seem to think I am a beast of burden or

249

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

turn me putatis esse aut lapidariam ;navem? Ho-

minis operas locavi, non caballi. Nee minus liber sum

quam vos, etiam si pauperem pater me reliquit."

Nee contentus maledictis tollebat subinde altius

pedem et strepitu obsceno simul atque odore viam

implebat. Ridebat contumaciam Giton et singulos

crepitus eius pari clamore prosequebatur . . .

I18L0| Multos [inquit Eumolpos, o] iuvenes carmen

decepit. Nam ut quisque versum pedibus instruxit

sensumque teneriorem verborum ambitu intexuit,

putavit se continuo in Heliconem venisse. Sic forensi-

bus ministeriis exercitati frequenter ad carminis tran-

quiUitatem tanquam ad portum feliciorem ^ refugerunt,

credentes facilius poema exstrui posse, quam contro-

versiam sententiolis abrantibus pictam. Ceterum

neque generosior spiritus vanitatem^ amat, neque con-

cipere^ aut edere partum mens potest nisi ingenti

flumine litterarum inundata. Refugiendum est ab omni

verborum, ut ita dicam, vilitate et sumendae voces a

plebe semotae/ ut fiat odi profanum valgus et arceo.'

Praeterea curandum est, ne sententiae emineant extra

corpus orationis expressae, sed intexto vestibus colore

niteant. Homerus testis et lyrici Romanusque Ver-

gilius et Horatii curiosa felicitas. Ceteri enim aut

non viderunt viam, qua iretur ad carmen, aut visam

timuerunt calcare. Ecce belli civilis ingens opus

^ feliciorem cod. Messaniensis : faciliorem other MSS.
^vanitatem cod. Messaniensis: sanitatem other MSS.
*concipere cod. Bernensis : conspicere L: conspici O.
*semotae Buecheler : summotae.
* visam i^ai^r; versum.

350

SATYRICON

a ship for carrying stones," he cried. You paid for
the services of a man, not a horse. I am just as free
as j'ou are, although m}" father did leave me a |)oor
man." Not satisfied with curses, he kept lifting his leg
up and filling the whole road with a disgusting noise
and smell. Giton laughed at his impudence and
matched every noise he made. . . .

Yes, my young friends," said Eumolpus, poetry 118
has led many astray. As soon as a man has shaped
his verse in feet and woven into it a more delicate
meaning -with an ingenious circumlocution, he thinks
that forthwith he has scaled Helicon. In this fashion
people who are tired out "with forensic oratory often
take refuge in the calm of poetry as in some happier
haven, supposing that a poem is easier to construct
than a declamation adorned with quivering epigrams.
But nobler souls do not love such coxcombry, and
the mind cannot conceive or bring forth its fruit
unless it is steeped in the vast flood of literature.
One must flee away from all diction that is, so to
speak, cheap, and choose words divorced from popular
use, putting into practice, I hate the common herd
and hold it afar." ^ Besides, one must take care that
the epigrams do not stand out from the body of the
speech : they must shine with a brilliancy that is woven
into the material. Homer proves this, and the lyric
poets, and Roman Virgil, and the studied felicity
of Horace. The others either did not see the path
that leads to poetry, or saw it and were afraid to walk
in it For instance, anyone who attemps the vast
theme of the Civil War ^ will sink under the burden

' Horace, Odes iii, i.

' The theme of the Pharsalia of Lucan, against whom
Eumolpus's criticisms seem to be directed.

251

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

quisquis attigerit, nisi plenus litteris, sub onere
labetur. Non enim res gestae versibus comprehen-
dendae sunt, quod longe melius historici faeiunt, sed
per ambages deorumque ministeria et fabulosum
sententiarum tormentum praecipitandus est liber
spiritus, ut potius furentis animi vaticinatio appareat
quam religiosae orationis sub testibus fides : tanquam
si placet hie impetus, etiam si nondum recepit ultimam
manum" . . .
119 Orbem iam totum victor Romanus habebat,

qua mare, qua terrae, qua sidus currit utrumque.
Nee satiatus erat. Gravidis freta pulsa carinis
iam peragebaiitur ; si quis sinus abditus ultra,
si qua foret tellus, quae fulvum mitteret aurum,
hostis erat, fatisque in tristia bella paratis
quaerebantur opes. Non vulgo nota placebant
gaudia, non usu plebeio trita voluptas.
Aes Ephyreiacum^ laudabat miles in unda;
quaesitus tellure nitor certaverat ostro; 10

hinc Numidae accusant,^ illinc nova vellera Seres,
atque Arabum populus sua despoliaverat arva.
Ecce aliae clades et laesae vulnera pacis.
Quaeritur in silvis auro fera, et ultimus Hammon
Afrorum excutitur, ne desit belua dente
ad mortes pretiosa ; fames premit advena classes,
tigris et aurata gradiens vectatur in aula,
ut bibat humanum populo plaudente cruorem.
Heu, pudet effari perituraque prodere fata,
Persarum ritu male pubescentibus annis 20

*Aes Ephyreiacum Heinsius: aes epyrecum and the like
most MSS.: spolia Turn (cum Dr) Senius codd. Monacensis et
Dresdensis.

'•'accusant L: accusatius O.

252

SATYRICON

unless he is full of literature. It is not a question
of recording real events in verse; historians can do
that far better. The free spirit of genius must
plunge headlong into allusions and divine interpositions,
and rack itself for epigrams coloured by mythology, so
that what results seems rather the prophecies of an
inspired seer than the exactitude of a statement made
on oath before witnesses: the following effusion will
show what I mean, if it take your fancy, though it
has not yet received my final touches. . . .

The conquering Roman now held the whole world, 119
sea and land and the course of sun and moon. But
he was not satisfied. Now the waters were stirred
and troubled by his loaded ships; if there were any
hidden bay beyond, or any land that promised a yield
of yellow gold, that place was Rome's enemy, fate
stood ready for the sorrows of war, and the quest for
wealth went on. There was no happiness in familiar joys,
or in pleasures dulled by the common man's use. The
soldier out at sea would praise the bronze of Corinth ;
bright colours dug from earth rivalled the purple ; here
the African curses Rome, here the Chinaman plunders
his marvellous silks, and the Arabian hordes have
stripped their own fields bare.

' Yet again more destruction, and peace hurt and
bleeding. The wild beast is searched out in the
woods at a great price, and men trouble Hammon
deep in Africa to supply the beast whose teeth make
him precious for slaying men ; strange ravening crea-
tures freight the fleets, and the padding tiger is wheeled
in a gilded palace to drink the blood of men while
the crowd applauds.

I shrink from speaking plain and betraying our
destiny of ruin ; boys whose childhood is hardly begun

253

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
«urripuere viros exsectaque viscera ferro
in venerem fregere, atque ut fuga nobilis aevi
circumscripta mora properantes difFerat annos,
quaerit se natura nee invenit. Omnibus ergo
scorta placent fractique enervi corpora gressus
et laxi crines et tot nova nomina vestis,
quaeque virum quaerunt. Ecce Afris eruta terris
citrea mensa greges servorum ostrumque renidens,
ponitur ac maculis imitatur vilius aurum
quae sensum trahat. Hoc sterile ac male nobile lignum
turba sepulta mero circum venitj omniaque orbis 31
praemia corruptis^ miles vagus esurit armis.
Ingeniosa gula est. Siculo scarus aequore mersus
ad mensam vivus perducitur, atque Lucrinis
eruta litoribus vendunt conchylia cenas,
ut renovent per damna famem. lam Phasidos unda
orbata est avibus, mutoque in litore tantum
solae desertis adspirant frondibus aurae.
Nee minor in campo furor est^ emptique Quirites
ad praedam strepitumque lucri suffragia vertunt. 40
Venalis populus, venalis curia patrum,
est favor in pretio. Senibus quoque libera ^'irtus
exciderat, sparsisque opibus conversa potestas
ipsaque maiestas auro corrupta iacebat.
Pellitur a populo victus Cato ; tristior ille est,

'vilius Gronotius : vilibus. For imitatur some MSS. grive
mutatur.

^ corrupiis Buechekr : correptis.

254

SATYRICON

are kidnapped in the Persian way, and the powers the
knife has shorn are forced to the service of lust, and
in order that the passing of man's finest age may be
hedged round with delay and hold back the hurrying
years, Nature seeks for herself, and finds herself not.
So all take their pleasure in harlotry, and the halting
steps of a feeble body, and in flo^v-ing hair and num-
berless clothes of new names, everything that ensnares
mankind.

"Tables of citron- wood are dug out of the soil of
Africa and set up, the spots on them resembling
gold which is cheaper than they, their polish reflecting
hordes of slaves and purple clothes, to lure the senses.
Round this barren and low-born wood there gathers a
crowd drowned in drink, and the soldier of fortune
gorges the whole spoils of the world while his weapons
rust.

*' Gluttony is a fine art. The wrasse is brought alive
to table in sea-water from Sicily, and the oysters torn
from the banks of the Lucrine lake make a dinner
famous, in order to renew men's hunger by their
extravagance. All the birds are now gone from the
waters of Phasis ; the shore is quiet ; only the empty
air breathes on the lonely boughs.

The same madness is in pubUc life, the true-bom
Roman is bought, and changes his vote for plunder
and the crj' of gain. The people are corrupt, the
house of senators is corrupt, their support hangs on a
price. The freedom and virtue of the old men had
decayed, their power was swaj'ed by largesse, even their
dignity was stained by money and trodden in the dust.
Cato is beaten and driven out by the mob; his
conqueror is more imhappy than he, and is ashamed
to have torn the rods of office from Cato. For the

255

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
qui vicit, fascesque pudet rapuisse Catoni.
Namque — hoc dedecoris populo morumque niina —
non homo pulsus erat^ sed in uno victa potestas
Romanumque decus. Quare tam perdita Roma
ipsa sui merces erat et sine vindice praeda. 50

Praeterea gemino deprensam gurgite plebem
faenoris illuvies ususque exederat aeris.
Nulla est certa domus^ nullum sine pignore corpus,
sed veluti tabes tacitis concepta medullis
intra membra furens curis latrantibus errat.
Anna placent miseris, detritaque comimoda luxu
vulneribus reparantur. Inops audacia tuta est.
Hoc mersam caeno Romam somnoque iacentem
quae poterant artes saiia ratione movere,
ni furor et bellum ferroque excita^ libido? 60

120 Tres tulerat Fortuna duces, quos obruit omnes
armorum strue diversa feralis Enyo.
Crassum Parthus habet, Libyco iacet aequore Magnus,
lulius ingratam perfudit sanguine Romam,
et quasi non posset tot tellus ferre sepulcra,
divisit cineres. Hos gloria reddit honores.
Est locus exciso penitus demersus hiatu
Parthenopen inter magnaeque Dicarchidos arva,
Cocyti perfusus aqua ; nam spiritus, extra
qui furit effusus, funesto spargitur aestu. 70

Non haec autumno tellus viret aut alit herbas

' plebem Crusius : praedatn.
*excitarc»J. Messaniensis : excisa.
256

SATY EICON

shame of the nation and the fall of their character lay
in this, that here was not only one man's defeat. In
his person the power and glory of Rome was humbled.
So Rome in her deep disgrace was herself both price
and prize, and despoiled herself without an avenger.
Moreover filthy usurj- and the handling of money had
caught the common people in a double whirlpool, and
destroyed them. Not a house is safe, not a man but
is mortgaged; the madness spreads through their
limbs, and trouble bays and hounds them down like
some disease so^vn in the dumb flesh. In despair they
turn to violence, and bloodshed restores the good things
lost by luxury. A beggar can risk everything in
safety. Could the spell of healthful reason stir Rome
from the filth where she rolled in heavy sleep, or only
madness and war and the lust wakened by the sword ?

Fortune brought forth three generals, and the god- 120
dess of War and Death buried them all, each beneath
a pile of arms. The Parthian has Crassus in keeping,*
Pompey the Great lies by the Libyan water,^ Julius
stained ungrateful Rome wth his blood ; and as though
the earth could not endure the burden of so many
graves, she has separated their ashes. These are the
wages paid by fame.

Between Parthenope and the fields of the great
town of Dicarchis there lies a spot^ plunged deep in
a cloven chasm, wet with the water of Cocytus: for
the air that rushes furiously outward is laden with

' M. Licinius Crassus was defeated and killed by the
Parthians at Carrhae, 53 B.C.

' C. Pompeius Magnus was killed on the shore at Pclusium
in Egfypt after his defeat at Pharsalus, 48 B.C.

' The Phlegfraean Plain, between Naples and Puteoli, The
latter town is here called Dicarchis after its founder Dicae-
archus.

8 t57

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
caespite laetus ager, non vemo persona cantu
mollia discordi strepitu virgulta locuntur,
sed chaos et nigro squalentia pumice saxa
gaudent ferali circum tumulata cupressu.
Has inter sedes Ditis pater extulit ora
bustorum flammis et cana sparsa fa\illa,
ac tali volucrem Fortunam voce lacessit:
Rerum humanarum divinarumque potestas,
Fors, cui nulla placet nimium secura potestas, 80

quae nova semper amas et mox possessa relinquis,
ecquid Romano sentis te pondere victam,
nee posse ulterius perituram extollere molem?
Ipsa suas vires odit Romana iuventus
et quas struxit opes, male sustinet. Aspice late
luxuriam spoliorum et censum in damna furentem.
Aedificant auro sedesque ad sidera mittunt,
expelluntur aquae saxis, mare nascitur arvis,
et permutata rerum statione rebellant.
En etiam mea regna petunt. Perfossa dehiscit 90
molibus insanis tellus, iam montibus haustis
antra gemunt, et dum vanos^ lapis invenit usus,
infemi manes caelum sperare fatentur.
Quare age, Fors, muta pacatum in proelia vultum
Romanosque cie ac nostris da funera regnis.
Iam pridem nullo perfundimus ora cruore,
nee mea Tisiphone sitientis perluit artus,

^ vanos Delbenius: vanus O: varies Z.
358

SATYRICON

that baleful spray. The ground here is never green
in autumn, the field does not prosper or nurture her-
bage on its turf, the soft thickets never ring nor are
loud in springtime with the songs of rival birds, but
chaos is there, and gloomj- rocks of black pumice-stone
lie happy in the gloom of the cypresses that moimd
them about. From this place the father of Dis
lifted his head, lit -with funeral flames and flecked
with white ashes, and provoked -winged Fortune with
these words :

Disposer of life in earth and heaven. Chance, al-
ways angry against power too firmly seated, everlasting
lover of change and quick forsaker of thy conquests,
dost not thou feel thy spirit crushed under the weight
of Rome, and that thou canst not further raise up the
mass that is doomed to fall ? The youth of Rome
contemns its own strength, and groans under the
wealth its o\vn hands have heaped up. See, every-
where they squander their spoils, and the mad use
of wealth brings their destruction. They have
buildings of gold and thrones raised to the stars,
they drive out the waters with their piers, the sea
springs forth amid the fields: rebellious man turns
creation's order upside do^^'n. Aye, they grasp even
at my kingdom. The earth is hewn through for
their madmen's foundations and gapes wide, now the
mountains are hollowed out until the caves groan,
and while men turn precious stones to their empty
purposes, the ghosts of hell declare their hopes of
winning heaven. Arise, then. Chance, change thy
looks of peace to war, harry the Roman, and let my
kingdom have the dead. It is long now since my
lips were wet with blood, and never has my loved
Tisiphone bathed her thirsty limbs since the sword

s2 259

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
ex quo SuUanus bibit ensis et horrida tellus
extulit in lucem nutritas sanguine fruges.'
121 Haec ubi dicta dedit, dextrae coniungere dextram
conatus rupto tellurem solvit hiatu. 101

Tunc Fortuna levi defudit pectore voces :
O genitor, cui Cocyti penetralia parent,
si modo vera mihi fas est impune profari,
vota tibi cedent; nee enim minor ira rebellat
pectore in hoc leviorque exurit flamma medullas.
Omnia, quae tribui Romanis arcibus, odi
muneribusque meis irascor. Destruet istas
idem, qui posuit, moles deus. Et mihi cordi
quippe cremare viros et sanguine pascere luxum. 110
Cerno equidem gemina iam stratos morte Philippos
Thessaliaeque rogos et funera gentis Hiberae.
Iam fragor armorum trepidantes personat aures.
Et Libyae cerno tua, Nile, gementia claustra
Actiacosque sinus et Apollinis arma timentes.
Pande, age, terrarum sitientia regna tuanim
atque animas accerse novas. Vix navita Porthmeus
sufficiet simulacra virum traducere cumba;
260

SATYRICON

of Sulla ' drank deep, and the earth stood thick with
eom fattened on blood and thrust up to the sun.'

He spoke and ended, and strained to take her hand 1 2 1
in his, till he broke and clove the earth asunder. Then
Fortime ix)ured forth words from her fickle heart:
Father, whom the inmost places of Cocytus obey,
thy prayer shall prosper, if at least I may foretell the
truth -without fear; for the anger that rises in my
heart is stem as thine, and the flame that bums deep
in my bones as fierce. I hate all the gifts I have made
to towering Rome, and am angry at my own blessings.
The god that raised up those high palaces shall destroy
them too. It will be my delight also to burn the men
and feed my lust with blood. Lo, already I see
Philippi's field strewn ^vith the dead of two battles,'
and the blazing pyres of Thessaly ^ and the burial of
the people of Iberia.* Already the crash of arms rings
in my trembling ears. And in Libya I see the barriers
of the Nile ^ groan, and the people in terror at the gulf
of Actium and the army loved by Apollo.^ Open, then,
the thirsty realms of thy dominion, and summon fresh
souls. The old sailor, the Ferryman, will scarcely have
strength to carry over the ghosts of the men in his

^ The massacre of the supporters of Marius in 82 B.C.,
Sulla being Dictator.

*In the battles of Pharsalus, 48 B.C., the final defeat of
Pompey, and Philippi, 42 B.C., the defeat of the Republican
army under Brutus and Cassius.

'Again referring to Pharsalus, which is in Thessaly.

* Killed in Caesar's Spanish campaigns against the Pom-
peians, 49 and 45 B.C.

' The reference is to Caesar's Egyptian campaigns.

*The Emperor Augustus ascribed his victory over Antonj
and Cleopatra at Actium in 31 B.C. to the favour of Apollo.

26]

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

classe opus est. Tuque ingenti satiare ruina,
pallida Tisiphone, concisaque vulnera mande : 1 20
ad Stygios manes laceratus ducitur orbis.'
122 Vixdum finierat, cum fulgure rupta corusco
intremuit nubes elisosque abscidit ignes.
Subsedit pater umbrarum, gremioque reducto
telluris pavitans fratemos palluit ictus.
Continuo elades hominum venturaque damna
auspiciis patuere deum. Namque ore cruento
deformis Titan ^ vultum caligine texit :
civiles acies iam turn spectare^ putares.
Parte alia plenos exstinxit Cj'nthia vultus 130

et lucem sceleri subduxit. Rupta tonabant
verticibus lapsis mentis iuga, nee vaga passim
flumina per notas ibant morientia ripas.
Armorum strepitu caelum furit et tuba Martem
sideribus tremefacta ciet, iamque Aetna voratur
ignibus insolitis et in aethera fulmina mittit.
Ecce inter tumulos atque ossa carentia bustis
umbrarum facies diro stridore minantur.
Fax stellis comitata novis incendia ducit,
sanguineoque recens descendit luppiter imbre. 1 40
Haec ostenta brevi solvit deus. Exuit omnes
quippe moras Caesar, vindictaeque actus amore
Gallica proiecit, civilia sustulit arma.

Alpibus aeriis, ubi Graio numine^ pulsae
descendunt rupes et se patiuntur adiri,

^ Titan Delbenius : titubaiis.

*spectare Crusius: spirare (spitare Bernensis).

' numine Reiske : nomine.

«62

SATYRICON

boat; a whole fleet is needed. And thou, pale Tisi-
phone, take thy fill of wide destruction, and tear the
bleeding wounds; the whole world is rent in pieces
and drawn down to the Stygian shades.'

She had scarcely ceased to speak when a cloud 122
shook and was riven by a gleam of lightning, and flashed
forth a moment's burst of flame. The father of dark-
ness sank down, closed the chasm in earth's bosom,
and grew white with terror at the stroke of his brother.
Straightway the slaughter of men and the destruction
to come were made plain by omens from on high. For
Titan was disfigured and dabbled in blood, and veiled
his face in darkness: thou hadst thought that even
then he gazed on civil strife. In another quarter
Cynthia darkened her full face, and denied her light
to the crime. The mountain-tops slid down and
the peaks broke in thunder, the wandering streams
were dying, and no more ranged abroad between their
famiUar banks. The sky is loud with the clash of
arms, the trumpet shakes to the stars and rouses the
War God, and at once Aetna is the prey of unac-
customed fires, and casts her lightnings high into the
air. The faces of the dead are seen \isible among
the tombs and the unburied bones, gibbering in
dreadful menace. A blazing light girt with unknown
stars leads the way for the flames of cities, and
the sky rains down fresh showers of blood. In a
little while God made these portents plain. For now
Caesar shook off all his lingering, and, spurred by the
passion of revenge, threw down his arms against Gaul
and took them up against Rome.

In the high Alps, where the rocks trodden by a
Greek god^ slope downward and allow men to ap-
* Hercules was said to have been the first to cross the Alps.

263

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

est locus Herculeis aris sacer : hunc nive dura
claudit hiemps canoque ad sidera vertice tollit.
caelum illinc cecidisse putes : non solis adulti^
mansuescit radiis, non verni temporis aura,
sed glacie concreta rigent hiemisque pruinis: 150

totum ferre potest umeris minitantibus orbem.
Haec ubi calcavit Caesar iuga milite laeto
optavitque^ locum, summo de vertice montis
Hesperiae campos late prospexit et ambas
intentans cum voce manus ad sidera dixit :
* luppiter omnipotens, et te,^ Saturnia tellus,
armis laeta meis olimque onerata triumphis,
tester, ad has acies invitum accersere Martem,
LO invitas me ferre manus. Sed vulnere cogor,

pulsus ab urbe mea, dum Rhenum sanguine tinguo,

dum Gallos iterum Capitolia nostra petentes l6l

Alpibus excludo, vincendo certior exsul.

Sanguine Germano sexagintaque triumphis

esse nocens coepi. Quanquam quos gloria terret,

aut qui sunt qui bella vident? Mercedibus emptae

ac viles operae, quorum est mea Roma noverca.

At* reor, haud impune, nee hanc sine vindice dextram

vinciet ignavus. Victores ite furentes,

ite mei comites, et causam dicite ferro.

Namque omnes unum crimen vocat, omnibus una 1 70

impendet clades. Reddenda est gratia vobis,

non solus vici. Quare, quia poena tropaeis

imminet et sordes meruit victoria nostra,

* adulti cod. Messaniensis : adusti other MSS.
^optavit margin of L: oravit.

*te Buecheler: tii L: eu O.

* at Heinsius : ut.

S64

SATYRICON

proach them, there is a place sacred to the altars of
Hercules : the \\'inter seals it with frozen snow, and
heaves it up on its white top to the sky. It seems as
though the sky had fallen awa}- from there : the beams
of the full sun do not soften the place, nor the breezes
of the springtime, but the soil stands stiff with ice and
winter's frost: its frowning shoulders could support
the whole globe. When Caesar ^^^th his exultant
army trod these heights and chose a place, he looked
far over the fields of Hesperia from the high mountain-
top, and hfted his voice and both hands to the stars
and said : Jupiter, Lord of all, and thou land ot
Saturn, once proud of my \ictories and loaded with my
triumphs, I call you to Aptness that I do not willingly
summon the War God to these hosts, and that my hand
is not raised willingly to strike. But I am driven on by
wounds, by banishment from my own city, while I dye
the Rhine with blood and cut off the Gauls from the
Alps on their second march to our Capitol.^ Victory
makes my exile doubly sure. My rout of the Germans
and my sixty triumphs were the beginning of my
offences. Yet who is it that fears my fame, who are
the men that watch me fight? Base hirelings bought
at a price, to whom my native Rome is a stepmother.
But I think that no coward shall bind my strong
arm unhurt ^nthout a blow in return. Come, men, to
victory while anger is hot, come, my comrades, and
plead our cause with the sword. For we are all
summoned under one charge, and the same doom
hangs over us all. My thanks are your due, my
victory is not mine alone. Wherefore, since punish-
ment threatens our trophies, and disgrace is the meed

^ The traditional date for the sack of Rome by the Gauls
is 390 B.C.

^5

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

iudice Fortuna cadat alea. Sumite bellum

et temptate manus. Certe mea causa peracta est :

inter tot fortes armatus nescio vinci.'

Haec ubi personuit, de caelo Delphicus ales
omina laeta dedit pepulitque meatibus auras.
Nee non horrendi nemoris de parte sinistra
insolitae voces flamma sonuere sequenti. 180

Ipse nitor Phoebi vulgato laetior orbe
crevit et aurato praecinxit fulgure vultus.
123 Fortior ominibus movit Mavortia signa

Caesar et insolitos gressu prior occupat ausus.
Prima quidera glacies et cana vincta pruina
non pugnavit humus mitique horrore quievit.
Sed postquam turmae nimbos fregere ligatos
et pavidus quadrupes undarum vincula rupit,
incaluere nives. Mox flumina montibus altis
undabant mode nata, sed haec quoque — iussa

putares — 190

stabant, et vincta fluctus stupuere ruina/
et paulo ante lues iam concidenda iacebat.
Turn vero male fida prius vestigia lusit
decepitque pedes ; pariter turmaeque virique
armaque congesta strue deplorata iacebant.
Ecce etiam rigido concussae flamine nubes
exonerabantur, nee rupti turbine venti
derant aut tumida confractum grandine caelum.
XjO Ipsae iam nubes ruptae super arma cadebant,

et concreta gelu ponti velut unda ruebat. 200

Victa erat ingenti tellus nive victaque caeli
sidera, victa suis haerentia flumina ripis;
nondum Caesar erat, sed magnam nixus in hastam
* ruina Reisie : pruina.
266

SATYRICON

of conquest, let Chance decide how our lot shall falL
Raise the standard and prove your stren^h. My plead-
ing at least is accomplished; armed amid so many war-
riors I cannot know defeat.' As he spoke these words
aloud, the Delphic bird ^ in the sky gave a happy omen,
and beat the air as it flew. And from the left quarter
ofa gloomy grove strange voices sounded and fire flashed
thereafter. Even Phoebus glowed -with orb brighter than
his wont, and set a burning halo of gold about his face.

"Heartened by these omens, Caesar advanced the 123
standards of war, and marched first to open this
strange tale of daring. At first indeed the ice and
the groimd fettered with white frost did not fight
against them, and lay quiet in the kindly cold. But
then the regiments broke the close-bound clouds, the
trembling horses shattered the frozen bonds of the
waters, and the snows melted. Soon new-bom rivers
rolled from the mountain heights, but they, too, stood
still as if by some command, and the waves stopped
short with ruining floods enchained, and the water
that ran a moment before now halted, hard enough to
cut. But then, treacherous before, it mocked their
steps and failed their footing; horses and men and
arms together fell heaped in misery and ruin. Lo ! too,
the clouds were shaken by a strong wind, and let fall
their burden, and round the army were gusts of whirl-
wind and a sky broken by swollen hail. Now the
clouds themselves burst and fell on the armed men,
and a mass of ice showered upon them like a wave of
the sea. Earth was ovem^helmed in the deep snow,
and the stars of heaven, and the rivers that clung tc
their banks. But Caesar was not yet overwhelmed ; he

' The raven, consecrated to Apollo on account of its gift of
prophecy.

267

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

horrida securis frangebat gressibus arva,
qualis Caucasea decurrens arduus arce
Amphitryoniades, aut torvo luppiter ore,
cum se verticibus magni demisit Olympi
et periturorum disiecit ^ tela Gigantum.

Dum Caesar tumidas iratus deprimit arces,
interea volucer motis conterrita pinnis 210

Fama volat summique petit iuga celsa Palati
atque hoc Romano tonitru ferit omnia signa:
iam classes fluitare mari totasque per Alpes
fervere Germano perfusas sanguine turmas.
Ai'ma, cruor, caedes, incendia totaque bella
ante oculos volitant. Ergo pulsata tumultu
pectora perque duas scinduntur territa causas.
Huic fuga per terras, illi magis unda probatur
et patria pontus iam tutior. Est magis arma
qui temptare velit fatisque iubentibus uti. 220

Quantum quisque timet, tantum fugit. Ocior ipse
hos inter motus populus, miserabile visu,
quo mens icta iubet, deserta ducitur urbe.
Gaudet Roma fuga, debellatique Quirites
rumoris sonitu maerentia tecta relinquunt.
Ille manu pavida natos tenet, ille penates
occultat gremio deploratumque relinquit
limen et absentem votis interficit hostem.
Sunt qui coniugibus maerentia pectora iungant,
grandaevosque patres onerisque ignara iuventus 230
id pro quo metuit, tantum trahit. Omnia secum
hie veliit imprudens praedamque in proelia ducit :
^disiecit Gulielmus: deiecit.
268

SATY EICON

leaned on his tall spear and crushed the rough ground
with fearless tread, like the son of Amphitrjon^ hasten-
ing down from a high peak of Caucasus, or the fierce
countenance of Jupiter, when he descended from the
heights of great OljTnpus and scattered the arms of
the doomed Giants.

"While Caesar treads down the swelling peaks in his
wrath. Rumour flies swift in terror with beating Avings,
and seeks out the lofty top of the tall Palatine. Then
she strikes all the images of the gods with her message
of Roman thunder : how ships are now sweeping the
sea, and the horsemen red with German blood pouring
hotly over the range of the Alps. Battle, blood,
slaughter, fire, and the whole picture of war flits
before their eyes. Their hearts shake in confusion,
and are fearfully divided between two counsels.
One man chooses flight by land, another trusts rather
to the water, and the open sea now safer than his
own country. Some prefer to attempt a fight and
turn Fate's decree to account. As deep as a man's
fear is, so far he flies. In the turmoil the people
themselves, a woeful sight, are led swiftly out of
the deserted city, whither their stricken heart drives
them. Rome is glad to flee, her true sons are
cowed by war, and at a rumour's breath leave their
houses to mourn. One holds his children with a
shaking hand, one hides his household gods in his
bosom, and weeping, leaves his door and calls down
death on the unseen enemj Some clasp their -wives
to them in tears, youths carry their aged sires, and,
unused to burdens, take with them only what they
dread to lose. The fool drags all his goods after him,
and marches laden with booty to the battle : and
* Hercules : he came down to rescue Prometheus.

269

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
ac velut ex alto cum magnus inhorruit auster
et pulsas evertit aquas, non arma ministris,
non regimen prodest, ligat alter pondera pinus,
alter tuta sinus tranquillaque litora quaerit:
hie dat vela fugae Fortunaeque omnia credit.
Quid tam parva queror? Gemino cum consule Magnus,
ille tremor Ponti saevique repertor Hydaspis
et piratarum scopulus, modo quern ter ovantem 240
luppiter horruerat, quern fracto gurgite Pontus
et veneratus erat submissa Bosporos unda,
pro pudor, imperii deserto nomine fugit,
ut Fortuna levis Magni quoque terga videret.
124 Ergo tanta lues divum quoque numina vicit,^
consensitque fugae caeli timor. Ecce per orbem
mitis turba deum terras exosa furentes
deserit atque hominum damnatum avertitur agmen.
Pax prima ante alias niveos pulsata lacertos
abscondit galea victum caput atque relicto 250

orbe fugax Ditis petit inplacabile regnum.
Huie comes it submissa Fides et crine soluto
lustitia ac maerens lacera Concordia palla.
At contra, sedes Erebi qua rupta dehiscit,

^ vicit Hermann : vidit,
270

SATYR ICON

all now is as when on high the rush of a strong south
wind tumbles and drives the waters, and neither
rigging nor helm avail the crews, and one girds
together the heavy planks of pine, another heads for
quiet inlets and a waveless shore : a third sets sail and
flees, and trusts all to Chance. But why sorrow for
these petty ills ? Pompey the Great, who made Pontus
tremble and explored fierce Hydaspes, the rock that
broke the pirates,^ who of late, in his third triumph,
shook the heart of Jupiter, to whom the troubled
waters of Pontus and the conquered Sea of Bosporus ^
bowed, flees shamefully with the two consuls * and
lets his imperial title drop, that fickle Chance might
see the back of great Pompey himself turned in flight.

"So great a calamity broke the power of the gods 124
also, and dread in heaven swelled the rout. A host
of gentle deities throughout the world abandon the
frenzied earth in loathing, and turn aside from the
doomed army of mankind.

Peace first of all,\s-ith her snow-white arms bruised,
hides her vanquished head beneath her helmet, and
leaves the world and turns in flight to the inexorable
realm of Dis. At her side goes humble Faith and
Justice with loosened hair, and Concord weeping with
her cloak rent in pieces. But where the hall of Erebus
is open and gapes wide, the dreadful company of Dis

^ Untrue, for he went no further than the Euphrates : the
river Hydaspes is in India.

* He cleared the Mediterranean of Cilician pirates in forty
days during the year 67 B.C.

* He passed over these waters in 66 B.C. in the course of
his campaigfn ag^ainst Mithridates.

* C. Claudius Marcellus and L. Cornelius Lentulus Crus,
consuls, 49 B.C.

271

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
emergit late Ditis chorus, horrida Erinys
et Bellona minax facibusque armata Megaera
Letumque Insidiaeque et lurida Mortis imago.
Quas inter Furor, abruptis ceu liber habenis,
sanguineum late tollit caput oraque milk-
vulneribus confossa cruenta casside velat: 260

haeret detritus laevae Mavortius umbo
innumerabilibus telis gravis, atque flagranti
stipite dextra minax terris incendia portat.

Sentit terra deos mutataque sidera pondus
quaesivere suum ; namque omnis regia caeli
in partes diducta ruit. Primumque Dione
Caesaris acta sui ducit, comes additur illi
Pallas et ingentem quatiens Mavortius hastam.
Magnum^ cum Phoebo soror et Cyllenia proles
excipit ac totis similis Tirynthius actis. 270

Intremuere tubae ac scisso Discordia crine

extulit ad superos Stygium caput. Huius in ore

concretus sanguis, contusaque lumina flebant,

stabant aerati^ scabra rubigine dentes,

tabo lingua fluens, obsessa draconibus ora,

atque inter torto laceratam pectore vestem

LO sanguineam tremula quatiebat lampada dextra.

Haec ut Cocji;i tenebras et Tartara liquit,

alta petit gradiens iuga nobilis Appennini,

1 Magnum cod. Messaniensis : Magnaque other MSS,
'aerati L: irati O.

272

SATYRICON

ranges forth, the grim Fury, and threatening Bellona,
Megaera whirling her torches, and Destruction, and
Treachery, and the pale presence of Death. And
among them Madness, like a steed loosed when the
reins snap, flings up her bloody head and shields her
face, scarred by a thousand wounds, with a blood-
stained helm; her left hand grips her worn martial
shield, hea\-y with countless spear-points, her right
waves a blazing brand and carries fire through the
world.

" Earth felt that the gods were there, the stars were
shaken, and swung seeking their former poise ; for the
whole palace of the sky broke and tumbled to ruin.
And first Dione^ champions the deeds of Caesar, and
Pallas joins her side, and the child of Mars,^ who bran-
dishes his tall spear. The sister ^ of Phoebus and the
son of Cyllene * and the hero of Tiryns,^ like to him
in all his deeds, receive Pompey the Great.

The trumpets shook, and Discord Avith dishevelled
hair raised her Stygian head to the upper sky. Blood
had dried on her face, tears ran from her bruised eyes,
her teeth were mailed with a scurf of rust, her tongutf
was dripping with foulness and her face beset with
snakes, her clothes were torn before her writhen breasts,
and she waved a red torch in her quivering hand.
When she had left behind the darkness of Gscytus
and Tartarus, she strode forward to the high ridges of

1 Venus, though properly Dione is the mother of Venus.
Caesar by convention was descended from her through
lulus and Aeneas.

"^ Romulus, as son of Mars.

' Diana.

* Mercury, son of Maia and Zeus, born on Mount Cyllene.

' Hercules, who lived at Tiryns while he served Eurystheus.

T 27S

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
unde omnes terras atque omnia litora posset 280

aspicere ac toto fluitantes orbe catervas,
atque has erumpit furibundo pectore voces :
Sumite nunc gentes accensis mentibus arma,
sumite et in medias immittite lampadas urbes.
Vincetur, quicunque latet ; non femina cesset,
non puer aut aevo iam desolata senectus ;
ipsa tremat tellus lacerataque tecta rebellent.
Tu legem, Marcelle, tene. Tu concute plebem.
Curio. Tu fortem ne supprime, Lentule, Martem.
Quid porro tu, dive, tuis cunctaris in armis, 290

non frangis portas, non muris oppida solvis
thesaurosque rapis ? Nescis tu, Magne, tueri
Romanas arces? Epidamni moenia quaere
Thessalicosque sinus humano sanguine tingue.'
Factum est in terris, quicquid Discordia iussit."
Cum haec Eumolpos ingenti volubilitate verborum
efFudisset, tandem Crotona intravimus. Ubi quidem
parvo deversorio refecti, postero die amplioris fortunae
domum quaerentes incidimus in turbam heredipetarum
sciscitantium, quod geims hominum aut unde venire-
mus. Ex praescripto ergo consilii communis exaggerata
274

SATYRICON

proud Apennine, to gaze down thence upon all the
earth and all its shores, and the armies streaming
over the whole globe ; then these words were MTung
from her angry soul: To arms now, ye peoples,
while your spirit is hot, to arms, and set your
torches to the heart of cities. He that would hide
him shall be lost: let no women halt, nor children,
nor the old who are now wasted with age; let the
earth herself quake, and the shattered houses join the
fight Thou Marcellus,^ hold fast the law. Thou,
Curio,' make the rabble quail. Thou, Lentulus,^ give
brave Mars no check. And thou, divine Caesar, why
art thou a laggard with thine arms ? Crash down the
gates, strip towns of their walls and seize their treasure.
So Magnus knows not how to hold the hills of Rome ?
Let him take the bulwarks of Epidamnus^ and dye the
bays of Thessaly* with the blood of men.' Then all
the commands of Discord were fulfilled upon the
earth."

Eumolpus poured out these lines with immense
fluency, and at last we came into Croton. There we
refreshed ourselves in a little inn, but on the next day
we went to look for a house of greater pretensions,
and fell in with a crowd of fortune-hunters, who in-
quired what kind of men we were, and where we had
come from. Then, as arranged by our common council,

1 See note on c. 123. The law was the Senatus consultum
of 49 B.C. ordering^ Caesar to give up his army.

*C. Scribonius Curio, a supporter of Caesar, who was
defeated and killed by Juba in Africa, 49 B.C.

^ Dyrrhachium in Epirus, where Pompey entrenched him-
self on the outbreak of war.

*Cf. note on c. 121.

t2 27 s

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

verborum volubilitate, unde aut qui essemus, baud
L dubie credentibus indicavimus. | Qui statim opes suas
summo cum certamine in Eumolpum congesserunt.

Certatim omnes heredipetae muneribus gratiam
Eumolpi sollicitant . . .

125 dum haec magno tempore Crotone aguntur . . .

at Eumolpus felicitate plenus prioris fortunae esset
oblitus statim adeo, ut suis iactaret, neminem gratiae
suae ibi posse resistere impuneque suos, si quid deU-
quissent in ea ui'be, beneficio amicorum laturos.
Ceterum ego, etsi quotidie magis magisque super-
fluentibus bonis saginatum corpus impleveram puta-
bamque a custodia mei removisse vultum Fortunam,
tamen saepius tarn consuetudinem meam cogitabam
quam causam, et quid" aiebam si callidus captator
exploratorem in Africam miserit mendaciumque de-
prehenderit nostrum? Quid, si etiam mercennarius
[Eumolpi] praesenti felicitate lassus indicium ad ami-
cos detulerit totamque fallaciam invidiosa proditione
detexerit? Nempe rursus fugiendum erit et tandem
expugnata paupertas nova mendicitate revocanda.
Dii deaeque, quam male est extra legem viventibus ;
quicquid meruerunt, semper exspectant." . . .

126 Quia nosti venerem tuam, super biam captas vendis-
que amplexus, non commodas. Quo enim spectant
flexae pectine comae, quo facies medicamine attrita
et oculorum quoque mollis petulantia, quo incessus
arte^ compositus et ne vestigia quidem pedum extra
mensuram aberrantia, nisi quod formam prostituis, ut

* arte Dousa : tute.

276

SATYRICON

a torrent of ready words burst from us^ and they gave
easy credence to our account of ourselves and our
country. Tliey at once quarrelled fiercely in their
eagerness to heap their own riches on Eumolpus.

The fortune-hunters all competed to win Eumol-
pus's favoiir with presents. . . .

This went on for a long while in Croton, .... 125
Eiunolpus was flushed with success, and so far forgot
the former state of his fortunes as to boast to his inti-
mates that no one there could cross his good pleasure,
and that his own dependants would escape unpunished
by the kindness of his friends if they committed any
crime in that city. But though I had lined my belly
well every day with the ever-growing supply of good
things, and beheved that Fortune had turned away her
face from keeping a watch on me, stUl I often thought
over my old life and my history, and kept saying to
myself, Supposing some cunning legacy-hunter sends
a spy over to Africa and finds out our Hes ? Or suppos-
ing the servant grows weary of his present luck and
gives his friends a hint, or betrays us out of spite, and
exposes the whole plot ? Of course we shall have to
run away again ; we must start afresh as beggars, and
call back the poverty we have now at last driven
out. Ah I gods and goddesses! the outlaw has a
hard life; he is always waiting to get what he
deserves." . . .

Because you know your beauty you are haughty, 1 26
and do not bestow your embraces, but sell them.
WTiat is the object of your nicely combed hair, your
face plastered with dyes, and the soft fondness even
in your glance, and your walk arranged by art so that
never a footsteo strays from its place ? It means o^

277

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
vendas ? Vides me : nee auguria novi nee mathemati-
corum caelum curare soleo, ex vultibus tamen hominum
mores colligo, et cum spatiantem vidi, quid cogitet^
scio. Sive ergo nobis vendis quod peto, mercator para-
tus est, sive quod humanius est, commodas, effice ut
beneficiumdebeamus. Nam quod servum te et humilem
fateris, accendis desiderium aestuantis. Quaedam enim
feminae sordibus calent, nee libidinem concitant, nisi
aut servos viderint aut statores altius cinctos. Harena
alias accendit aul perfusus pulvere mulio aut histrio
scaenae ostentatione traductus. Ex hac nota domina
est mea : usque ab orchestra quattuordecim transilit
et in extrema plebe quaerit quod diligat."

Itaque oratione blandissima plenus rogo " inquam

numquid ilia, quae me amat, tu es ? " Multum risit
ancilla post tarn frigidum schema et nolo" inquit

tibi tam valde placeas. Ego adhuc servo nunquam
succubui, nee hoc dii sinant, ut amplexus meos in
crucem mittam. Viderint matronae, quae flagellorum
vestigia osculantur ; ego etiam si ancilla sum, nunquam
tamen nisi in equestribus sedeo." Mirari equidem
tam discordem libidinem coepi atque inter monstra
numerare, quod ancilla haberet matronae superbiam
et matrona ancillae humilitatem.
LO I Procedentibus deinde longius iocis rogavi ancillam,
ut in platanona perduceret dominam. Placuit puellae
consilium. Itaque collegit altius tunicam flexitque se

^ cogitet Burmann : cogites.
278

SATYRICON

course that you offer your comeliness freely for sale.
Look at me ; I know nothing of omens, and I never
attend to the astrologer's sky, but I read character
in a man's face, and when I see him walk I know his
thoughts. So if you will sell us what I want, there
is a buyer ready: if you will be more gracious and
bestow it upon us, let us be indebted to you for a
favour. For when you admit that you are a slave ot
low degree, you fan the passion of a lady who bums
for you. Some women kindle for vile fellows, and
cannot rouse any desire unless they have a slave
or a servant in short garments in their eye. Some
bum for a gladiator, or a muleteer smothered in dust,
or an actor disgraced by exhibiting himself on the
stage. My mistress is of this class ; she skips fourteen
rows away from the orchestra, and hunts for a lover
among the low people at the back."

With my ears full of her winning words I then said,
It is not you, I suppose, who love me so?" The
girl laughed loudly at such a clumsy turn of speech,
and said. Pray do not be so conceited. I never
yielded to a slave yet, and God forbid that I should
throw my arms round a gallows-bird. The married
women may see to that, and kiss the scars of a flog-
ging; I may be only a lady's maid, for all that
I never sit down in any seats but the knights'." I
began to marvel at their contrary passions, and to
count them as portents, the maid ha\'ing the pride of
a married ladj', and the married lady the low tastes of
a wench.

Then as our jokes proceeded further, I asked the
maid to bring her mistress ic to the grove of plane-
trees. The plan pleased the girl. So she gathered
her skirts up higher, and turned into the laurel grove

279

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
in eum daphnona, qui ambulationi haerebat. Nee diu
morata dominam produeit e latebris laterique meo
applicatj mulierem omnibus simulaeris emendatiorem.
Nulla vox est quae formam eius possit comprehenderfc,
nam quiequid dixero, minus erit. Crines ingenio sue
flexi per totos se umeros efFuderant, frons minima et
quae radices capillorum retro flexerat, supercilia usque
ad malarum scripturam currentia et rursus confinio
luminum paene permixta, oculi clariores stellis extra
lunam fulgentibus, nares paululum inflexae et osculum
quale Praxiteles habere Dianam credidit. lam men-
turn, iam cervix, iam manus, iam pedum candor intra
auri gracile vinculum positus : Parium marmor exstin-
xerat. Itaque tunc primum Dorida vetus amator con-
tempsi . . .

Quid factum est, quod tu proiectis, luppiter, annis

inter caelicolas fabula muta taces?
Nunc erat a torva submittere cornua fronte,

nunc pluma canos dissimulare tuos.
Haec vera est Danae. Tempta modo tangere corpus,

iam tua flammifero membra calore fluent . . .
127 Delectata ilia risit tarn blandum, ut videretur mihi
plenum os extra nubem luna proferre. Mox digitis
gubernantibus vocem "Si non fastidis" inquit femi-

280

SATYRICON

which grew close to our path. She was not long
away before she led the lady out of her hiding-
place, and brought her to my side. The woman was
more perfect than any artist's dream. There are
no words that can include all her beauty, and what-
ever I write must fall short of her. Her hair grew
in natural Avaves and flowed all over her shoulders,
her forehead was small, and the roots of her hair
brushed back from it, her brows ran to the edge of
her cheekbones and almost met again close beside her
ej'es, and those ej'es were brighter than stars far from
the moon, and her nose had a little curve, and her
mouth was the kind that Praxiteles ^ dreamed Diana
had. And her chin and her neck, and her hands,
and the gleam of her foot under a hght band of gold !
She had turned the marble of Paros dull. So then at
last I put my old passion for Doris to despite. . . .

"WTiat is come to pass, Jupiter,'' that thou hast
cast away thine armour, and now art silent in heaven
and become an idle tale? Now were a time for
thee to let the horns sprout on thy lowering forehead,
or hide thy white hair under a swan's feathers.
This is the true Danae. Dare only to touch her body,
and all thy limbs shall be loosened with fiery heat." . . .

She was happy, and smiled so sweetly that I thought 1 27
the full moon had shown me her face from behind a
cloud. Then she said, letting the words escape
through her fingers, " If you do not despise a rich

^ The celebrated 4th century sculptor made for Mantinea
a group (not extant) of Leto with Apollo and Artemis, a
statue of Artemis Brauronia for Athens, and an Artemis for
Aiiticyra.

2 Jupiter, when he loved Europa, Leda, an d Danae, appeared
to them as a bull, a swan, and a shower of gold respec-
tively.

281

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
nam ornatam et hoc primum anno virum expertam,
concilio tibi, o iuvenis, sororem. Habes tu quidem et
fratrem, neque enim me piguit inquirere, sed quid pro-
hibet et sororem adoptare? Eodem gradu venio. Tu
tantum dignare et meum osculum, cum libuerit, agno-
scere. " Immo" inquam ego per fomiam tuam te
Togo, ne fastidias hominem peregrinum inter cultores
admittere. Invenies religiosum, si te adorari per-
miseris. Ac ne me iudices ad hoc templum Amoris
gratis accedere, dono tibi fratrem meum. " ' Quid ? tu "
inquit ilia donas mihi eum, sine quo non potes vivere,
ex cuius osculo pendes, quem sic tu amas, quemad-
modum ego te volo?" Haec ipsa cum diceret, tanta
gratia conciliabat vocem loquentis, tarn dulcis sonus
pertemptatum mulcebat aera^ ut putares inter auras
canere Sirenum concordiam. Itaque miranti [et] toto
mihi caelo clarius nescio quid relucente libuit deae
nomen quaerere. Ita" inquit non dixit tibi ancilla
mea me Circen vocari? Non sum quidem Solis pro-
genies, nee mea mater, dum placet, labentis mundi
cursum detinuit. Habebo tamen quod caelo imputem,
si nos fata coniunxerint. Immo iam nescio quid tacitis
cogitationibus deus agit. Nee sine causa Polyaenon
Circe amat: semper inter haec nomina magna fax
surgit. Sume ergo amplexum, si placet. Neque est
*quid tu Pithoeus: quidnL
282

SATYRICON

woman who has known a man first this very year,
dear youth, I will give you a new sister. True, you
have a brother, too, for I made bold to inquire, but
why should you not take to yourself a sister as well ?
I Avill come as the same kind of relation. Deign only
to recognize my kiss also when it is your good
pleasure."

"l should rather implore you by your beauty," I
replied, " not to scorn to enrol a stranger among your
worshippers. You will find me a true votary, if you
allow me to kneel before you. And do not think that
I would enter this shrine of Love without an offering ;
I will give you my own brother."

"WTiat," she said, "you give me the one without
whom you cannot live, on whose lips you hang, whom
you love as I would have you love me?" Even as
she spoke grace made her words so attractive, the
sweet noise fell so softly upon the listening air, that
you seemed to have the harmony of the Sirens ringing
in the breeze. So as I marvelled, and all the hght of
the sky somehow fell brighter upon me, I was moved
to ask my goddess her name. Then my maid did
not tell you that I am called Circe?" she said. I am
not the Sun-child indeed, and my mother has never
stayed the moving world in its course while she will.
But I shall have a debt to pay to Heaven if fate brings
you and me together. Surely now, the Gods with
their quiet thoughts have some plan in the making.
Circe does not love Polyaenus ^ without good reason ;
when these two names meet, a great fire is always set
ablaze. Then take me in your embrace if you like.

^ Polyaenus is the name assumed by Encolpius at Croton.
Circe in the Odyssey (Book X) is daughter of the Sun. Cf.
c. 134 : Phoebe ia Circe,

28S

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

quod curiosum aliquem extimescas : longe ab hoc loco
frater est." Dixit haec Circe, implicitumque me bra-
chiis mollioribus pluma deduxit in terrain vario gramine
indutam.

Idaeo quales fudit de vertice flores
terra parens, cum se concesso^ iunxit amori
luppiter et toto concepit pectore flammas :
emicuere rosae violaeque et molle cyperon,
albaque de viridi riserunt lilia prato :
talis humus Venerem molles clamavit in herbas,
candidiorque dies secreto favit amori.
In hoc gramine pariter compositi mille osculis lusi-
mus, quaerentes voluptatem robustam . . .
128L I "Quid est?" inquit ' numquid te osculum meum
offendit? Numquid spiritusiejuniomarcens?^ Numquid
alarum negligens sudor? Aut^ si haec non sunt, num-
quid Gitona times?" Perfusus ego rubore manifesto
etiam si quid habueram virium, perdidi, totoque cor-
pore velut luxato* ' quaeso" inquam regina, noli
suggillare miserias. Veneficio contactus sum "...

" Die, Chrysis, sed verum : numquid indecens sum ?
Numquid incompta? Numquid ab aliquo naturali vitio
formam meam excaeco ? Noli decipere dominam tuam.
Nescio quid peccavimus." Rapuit deinde tacenti
speculum, et postquam omnes vultus temptavit, quos
solet inter amantes risus fingere, excussit vexatam
solo vestem raptimque aedem Veneris intravit. Ego
contra damnatus et quasi quodam visu in horrorem
perductus interrogare animum meum coepi, an vera
voluptate fraudatus essem.

^ concesso Sambucus : confesso.
^ mavcens Bucc/ieler: macer.
^ h\\X. Buecheler : putc.
*\\nii.a.ioJungermann: laxato.

284

SATYRICON

You need have no fear of any spy; your brother is far
away from here."

Circe was silent, folded me in two arms softer than
a bird's wing, and drew me to the ground on a carpet
of coloured flowers.

"Such flowers as Earth, our mother, spread on Ida's
top when Jupiter embraced her and she yielded her
love, and all his heart was kindled with fire: roses
glowed there, and violets, and the tender flowering
rush ; and white lilies laughed from the green grass :
such a soil summoned Venus to the soft grasses, and
the day grew brighter and looked kindly on their
hidden pleasure."

We lay together there among the flowers and ex-
changed a thousand light kisses, but we looked for
sterner play. . . .

"Tell me," she cried, "do you find no joy in my 128
lips ? Nor in the breath that faints -svith h\mger ? Nor
in my body wet with heat? If it is none of these,
are you afraid of Giton?" I crimsoned with blushes
under her eyes, and lost anj- strength I might have had
before, and cried as though there were no whole
part In my body. Dear lady, have mercy, do not mock
my grief. Some poison has infected me." . . .

" Speak to me, Chrysis, tell me true : am I ugly or
untidy ? Is there some natural blemish that darkens
my beauty ? Do not deceive your OAvn mistress. I know
not how, but I have sinned." She then snatched a
glass from the silent girl, and after trying every look
that raises a smile to most lovers' lips, she shook out
the cloak the earth had stained, and hurried into the
temple of Venus. But I was lost and horror-stricken
as if I had seen a ghost, and began to inquire of my
heart whether I was cheated of my true delight.

285

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
LO I Nocte soporifera veluti cum somnia ludunt
errantes oculos efFossaque protulit aurum
in lucem tellus : versat manus improba furtum
thesaurosque rapit, sudor quoque perluit ora
et mentem timor altus habet, ne forte gravatum
excutiat gremium secret! conscius auri :
mox ubi fugerunt elusam gaudia mentem
veraque forma redit, animus, quod perdidit, optat
atque in praeterita se totus imagine versat . . .
L I Itaque hoc nomine tibi gratias ago, quod me
Socratica fide diligis. Non tam intactus Alcibiades
in praeceptoris sui lecto iacuit" . . .
129 Crede mihi, frater, non intellego me virum esse,

non sentio. Funerata est ilia pars corporis, qua quon-
dam Achilles eram" . . .

Veritus puer, ne in secreto deprehensus daret ser-
monibus locum, proripuit se et in partem aedium in-
teriorem fugit . . .
LO j cubiculum autem meum Chrysis intravit codicil-
losque mihi dominae suae reddidit, in quibus haec
erant scripta: Circe Polyaeno salutem. Si libidinosa
essem, quererer decepta; nunc etiam languori tuo
gratias ago. In umbra voluptatis diutius lusi. Quid
tamen agas, quaero, et an tuis pedibus perveneris
domum ; negant enim medici sine nervis homines
ambulare posse. Narrabo tibi, adulescens, paralysin
cave. Nunquam ego aegrum tam magno periculo vidi ;
medius fidius iam peristi. Quod si idem frigus genua
manusque temptaverit tuas, licet ad tubicines mittas.
286

SATYRICON

As when dreams deceive our wandering eyes in the
hea\'\' slumber of night, and under the spade the earth
jields gold to the light of day: our greedy hands
finger the spoil and snatch at the treasure, sweat too
runs doAvn our face, and a deep fear grips our heart that
maybe some one will shake out our laden bosom, where
he knows the gold is hid: soon, when these pleasures
flee from the brain they mocked, and the true shape
of things comes back, our mind is eager for what is
lost, and moves with all its force among the shadows
of the past. . . .

So in his name I give you thanks for loving me as
true as Socrates. Alcibiades never lay so unspotted
in his master's bed." . . .

I tell you, brother, I do not realize that I am a 1 29
man, I do not feel it. That part of my body where I
was once an Achilles is dead and buried." . . .

'file boy was afraid that he might give an opening
for scandal if he were caught in a quiet place with me,
and tore himself away and fled into an inner part of
ihe house. . . .

Chrj'sis came into my room and gave me a letter
from her mistress, who wrote as follows : Circe greets
Polyaenus. If I were a passionate woman, I should
feel betrayed and hurt : as it is I can be thankful even
for your coldness. I have amused myself too long
with the shadow of pleasure. But I should like to
know how you are, and whether your feet carried
you safely home; the doctors say that people who
have lost their sinews cannot walk. I tell you
what, young man, you must beware of paralysis. I
have never seen a sick person in such grave danger;
I declare you are as good as dead. If the same mortal
''hill attacks your knees and hands, you may send for

' 287

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Quid ergo est? Etiam si gravem iniuriam accepi,
homini tamen misero non invideo medicinam. Si
vis sanus esse, Gitonem roga. Recipies, inquam, nervos
tuos, si triduo sine fratre dormieris. Nam quod ad me
attinet, non timeo, ne quis inveniatur cui minus pla-
ceam. Nee speculum mihi nee fama mentitur. Vale,
si potes."

Ut intellexit Chrysis perlegisse me totum convicium,
Solent" inquit haec fieri, et praeeipue in hac civi-
tate, in qua mulieres etiam lunam deducunt . . . itaque
huius quoque rei cura agetur. Rescribe modo blandius
dominae animumque eius Candida humanitate restitue.
Verum enim fatendum est: ex qua hora iniuriam ac-
cepit, apud se non est." Libenter quidem parui an-
ISO cillae verbaque codicillis talia imposui: Polyaenos
Circae salutem. Fateor me, domina, saepe peccasse ;
nam et homo sum et adhuc iuvenis. Nunquam tamen
ante hunc diem usque ad mortem deliqui. Habes con-
fitentem reum : quicquid iusseris, merui. Proditionem
feci, hominem occidi, templum viola vi: in haec faci-
nora quaere supplicium. Sive occidere placet, ferro
meo venio, sive verberibus contenta es, curro nudus
ad dominam. Illud unum memento, non me sed in-
strumenta peccasse. Paratus miles arma non habui.
Quis hoc turbaverit, nescio. Forsitan animus antecessit
corporis moram, forsitan dum omnia concupisco, volu-
ptatem tempore consumpsi. Non in venio, quod feci.
Paralysin tamen cavere iubes •• tanquam ea^ maior fieri

^ &2l Buecheler : iam.
288

SATYRICON

the funeral trumpeters. And what about me ? WeDL
even if I have been deeply wounded^ I do not grudge
a poor man a cure. If you want to get well, ask
Giton. T think you will recover your sinews if you
sleep for three days Avithout your brother. So far as
I am concerned, I am not afraid of finding anj'one
who dislikes me more. My looking-glass and my
reputation do not lie. Keep as well as you can."

When Chrysis saw that I had read through the
whole of this complaint, she said: These things
often happen, especially in this to^vn, where the women
can even draw do\\'n the moon from the sky, and so
attention will be paid to this matter also. Only do
write back more gently to my mistress, and restore her
spirits by your frank kindness. For I must tell you
the truth: she has never been herself from the
moment you insulted her."

I obeyed the girl with pleasure and wrote on 1 30
a tablet as follows : Pol5'aenus greets Circe.
Dear lady, I admit my many failings ; for I am
human, and still young. But never before this day
have I committed deadly sin. The culprit confesses
to you ; I have deserved whatever you may order. I
have been a traitor, I have destroyed a man, and pro-
faned a temple: demand my punishment for these
crimes. If you decide on execution, I Avill come ^vith
my sword ; if you let me off with a flogging, I will run
naked to my lady. Illud unum memento, non me
sed instrumenta peccasse. Paratus miles arma non
habui. Who upset me so I know not. Perhaps my
will ran on while my body lagged behind, perhaps I
wasted all my pleasure in delay by desiring too much.
I cannot discover what I did. But you tell me to
beware of paralysis: as if the disease could grow
u 289

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
possit, quae abstulit mihi, per quod etiam te habere
potui. Summa tamen excusationis meae haec est:
placebo tibi^ si me culpam emendare penniseris "...
L I Dimissa cum eiusmodi pollicitatione Chryside cu-
ravi diligentius noxiosissimum corpus, balneoque prae-
terito modica unctione usus, mox cibis validioribus
pastus, id est bulbis cochlearumque sine iure cervici-
bus, hausi parcius merum. Huic ante somnum levis-
sima ambulatione compositus sine Gitone cubiculum
intravi. Tanta erat placandi cura, ut timerem, ne
131 latus meum frater convelleret. Postero die, cum sine
offensa corporis animique consurrexissem, in eundem
platanona descendi, etiam si locum inauspicatum time-
bam, coepique inter arbores ducem itineris exspectare
Chrysidem. Nee diu spatiatus consederam, ubi hester-
no die fueram, cum ilia intus venit^ comitem anicu-
1am trahens. Atque ut me consalutavit, 'Quid est"
inquit fastose, ecquid bonam mentem habere
coepisti ? "

Ilia de sinu licium protulit varii coloris filis intortum
cervicemque vinxit meam. Mox turbatum sputo pul-
verem medio sustulit digito frontemque repugnantis
signavit . . .

Hoc peracto carmine ter me iussit exspuere terque
lapillos conicere in sinum, quos ipsa pi*aecantatos pur-
pura involverat, admotisque manibus temptare coepit
inguinum vires. Dicto citius nervi paruerunt imperio
manusque aniculae ingenti motu repleverunt. At ilia
^ intus venit Buecheler : intervenit,
290

I

SATYRICON

worse, which has taken away from me the means of
making you my own. But my apology amounts to
this — I will do your pleasure if you allow me to mend
my fault." . . .

Chrysis was sent off with this promise, and I paid
great attention to my offending body, and after leaving
my bath anointed myself in moderation, and then fed
on strong foods, onions, I mean, and snails' heads
without sauce, and di'ank sparingly of wine. I then
settled myself with a gentle walk before bed, and
went into my room without Giton. I was so anxious
to please her that I was afraid my brother might take
away my strength. Next day I got up sound in mind 131
and body, and went down to the same grove of plane-
trees, though I was rather afraid of the unlucky place,
and began to wait among the trees for Chrysis to lead
me on my way.

After walking up and down a short while, I sat
where I had been the day before, and Chrysis came
under the trees, bringing an old woman with her.
When she had greeted me, she said. Well, disdain-
ful lover, have you begun to come to your senses?"
Then the old woman took a twist of threads of differ-
ent colours out of her dress, and tied it round my neck.
Then she mixed some dust with spittle, and took it on
her middle finger, and made a mark on my forehead
despite my protest. . . .

After this she ordered me in a rhyme to spit three
times and throw stones into my bosom three times,
after she had said a spell over them and wTapped them
in purple, and laid her hands on me and began to try
the force of her charm. . . . Dicto citius ner\-i parue-
runt imperio manusque aniculae ingenti motu reple-
v2 291

TITUS PETHONIUS ARBITER

gaudio exsultans Vides" inquit Chrysis mea, vides,
quod aliis leporem excitavi?" . . .
LO I Nobilis aestivas plat anus diffuderat umbras

et bacis rediinita Daphne tremulaeque cupressus
et circum tonsae trepidant! vertice pinus.
Has inter ludebat aquis errantibus amnis
spumeus et querulo vexabat rore lapillos.
Dignus amore locus : testis silvestris aedon
atque urbana Procne, quae circum gramina fusae
ac molles violas cantu sua furta^ colebant . . .
Premebat ilia resoluta marmoreis cervicibus aureum
torum myrtoque florenti quietum . . . verberabat.
Itaque ut me vidit, paululum erubuit, hesternae scili-
cet iniuriae memor ; deinde ut remotis omnibus
secundum invitantem consedi, ramum super oculos
meos posuit^ et quasi pariete interiecto audacior facta.
Quid est" inquit paralytice? ecquid hodie totus ve-
nisti ? ' ' Rogas ' ' inquam ego potius quam temptas ? ' '
Totoque corpore in amplexum eius immissus non prae-
cantatis usque ad satietatem osculis fruor . . .
1 32L I Ipsa corporis pulchritudine me ad se vocante tra-
hebat ad venerem. lam pluribus osculis collisa labra
crepitabant, iam implicitae manus omne genus amoris
invenerant, iam alligata mutuo ambitu corpora ani-
marum quoque mixturam fecerant . . .

Manifestis matrona contumeliis verberata tandem ad
ultionem decurrit vocatque cubicularios et me iubet
catomidiari.^ Nee contenta mulier tam gravi iniuria

^ fiirta Buecheler : sura or rura.
'catomidiari Salmasius: catarogare.

SATYRICON

verunt. At ilia gaudio exsultans Vides" inquit
" Chrysis mea^ vides, quod aliis leporem excitavi?" . . .

The stately plane-tree, and Daphne decked with
berries, and the quivering cj-presses, and the swaying
tops of the shorn pines, cast a summer shade. Among
them played the straying waters of a foamy river,
lashing the pebbles with its chattering flow. The
place was proper to love ; so the nightingale of the
woods bore witness, and Procne from the to^^'n, as they
hovered about the grasses and the tender violets, and
pursued their stolen loves >vith a song. . . .

She was stretched out there -with her marble neck
pressed on a golden bed, brushing her placid face
with a spray of myrtle in flower. So when she saw me
she blushed a little, of course remembering my rude-
ness the day before ; then, Avhen they had all left us,
she asked me to sit by her, and I did ; she laid the
sprig of myrtle over my eyes, and then gro^^-ing
bolder, as if she had put a wall between us. Well,
poor paralytic," she said, have you come here to-day
a whole man?" Do not ask me," I replied, try
me." I threw myself eagerly into her arms, and en-
joyed her kisses unchecked by any magic until I was
tired. . . .

The lovelmess of her body called to me and drew 132
us together. There was the sound of a rain of kisses
as our lips met, our hands were clasped and discovered
all the ways of love, then our bodies were held and
bound by our embrace until even our souls were made
as one soul. . . .

My open taunts stung the lady, and at last she ran
to avenge herself, and called her chamber grooms, and
ordered me to be hoisted for flogging. Not content
With this black insult, the woman called up all her low

293

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

mea convocat omnes quasillarias familiaeque sordidissi-
mam partem ac me conspui iubet. Oppono ego manus
oculis meis, nullisque efFusis precibus^ quia sciebam
quidmeruissem,verberibussputisque^ . . . extra ianuam
eieetus sum. Eicitur et Proselenos, Chrysis vapulat,
totaque familia tristis inter se mussat quaeritque, quis
dominae hilaritatem confuderit . . .

Itaque pensatis vieibus animosior verberum notas
arte contexij ne aut Eumolpus contumelia mea hilarior
LO fieret aut tristior Giton. | Quod solum igitur salvo
pudore poteram, contingere languorem simulavi, con-
ditusque lectulo totum ignem furoris in eam converti,
quae mihi omnium malorum causa fuerat :
ter corripui terribilem manu bipennem,
ter languidior coliculi repente thyrso
ferrum timui, quod trepido male dabat usum.
Nee iam poteram, quod modo conficere libebat ;
namque ilia metu frigidior rigente bruma
confugerat in viscera mille operta rugis.
Ita non potui supplicio caput aperire,
sed furciferae mortifero timore lusus
ad verba, magis quae poterant nocere, fugi.
Erectus igitur in cubitum hac fere oratione contu-
macemvexavi: Quid dicis" inquam omnium homi-
num deorumque pudor ? Nam ne nominare quidem te
inter res serias fas est. Hoc de te merui, ut me in
L caelo positum ad inferos traheres? | Ut traduceres
annos primo florentes vigore senectaeque ultimae mihi
lassitudinem imponeres ? Rogo te, mihi apodixin de-
fimctoriam redde." Haec ut iratus efFudi,

' Btiecheler -would i7isert obrutus.

SATi^RICON

spinsters, und the very dregs of her slaves, and m\-ited
til em to spit upon me. I put my hands to my eyes
aTid never poured forth any appeal, for I knew my
deserts, and was beaten and spat upon and thrown
out of doors. Proselenos was thrown out too, Chrysis
was flogged, and all the slaves muttered gloomily to
themselves, and asked who had upset their mistress's
spirits. ... So after considering my position I took
courage, and carefully hid the marks of the lash for
fear Eumolpus should exult or Giton be depressed at
my disgrace. | Quod solum igitur salvo pudore pote-
ram, contingere languorem simula\i, conditusque lec-
tulo totum ignem furoris in eam converti, quae mihi
omnium malorum causa fuerat:

ter corripui terribUem manu bipennem,

ter languidior coliculi repente thyrso

ferrum timui, quod trepido male dabat usum.

Nee iam poteram, quod modo conficere libebat;

namque ilia metu frigidior rigente bruma

confugerat in viscera mille operta rugis.

Ita non potui supplicio caput aperire,

sed furciferae mortifero timore lusus

ad verba, magis quae poterant nocere, fiigi.

Erectus igitur in cubitum hac fere oratione contu-
macemvexavi: Quid dicis " inquam omnium homi-
num deorumque pudor ? Nam ne nominare quidem te
inter res serias fas est. Hoc de te merui, ut me in
caelo positum ad inferos traheres? | Ut traduceres
annos primo florentes vigore senectaeque ultimae mihi
lassitudinem imponeres ? Rogo te, mihi apodixin dcr
functoriam redde." Haec ut iratus effiidi,

295

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

LO I ilia solo fixos oculos aversa tenebat,

nee magis incepto vultum sermone movetur
quam lentae salices lassove papavera coUo.
Nee minus ego tarn foeda obiurgatione finita paeni-
tentiam agere sermonis mei coepi secretoque rubore
perfundi, quod oblitus verecundiae meae cum ea parte
corporis verba contulerim, quam ne ad cognitionem
quidem admittere severioris notae homines solerent.
Mox perfricata diutius fronte Quid autem ego" in-
quam mali feci, si dolorem meum naturali convicio
exoneravi ? Aut quid est quod in corpore humano
ventri male dicere solemus aut gulae capitique etiam,
cum saepius dolet? Quid? Non et Vlixes cum corde
L litigat suOj I et quidam tragici oculos suos tanquam
audientes castigant ? Podagrici pedibus suis male
dicunt, chiragrici manibus, lippi oculis, et qui ofFen-
derunt saepe digitos, quicquid doloris habent, in pedes
deferunt :
LO I Quid me constricta spectatis fronte Catones
damnatisque novae simplicitatis opus ?
Sermonis pun non tristis gratia ridet,

quodque facit populus, Candida lingua refert.
Nam quis concubitus. Veneris quis gaudia nescit ?

Quis vetat^ in tepido membra calere toro ?
Ipse pater veri doctos Epicurus amare^

iussit, et hoc vitam dixit habere xeAos "...
L I Nihil est hominum inepta persuasione falsius nee

ficta severitate ineptius "...
ISSLO I Hac declamatione finita Gitona voco et Narra
mihi " inquam frater, sed tua fide : ea nocte, qua te
mihi Ascyltos subduxit, usque in iniuriam vigilavit,

* vetat Dousa : petat.

• doctos amare Dousa : doctus in arte.

29^

SATYRICON

I ilia solo fixos oculos aversa tenebat, LO

nee magis incepto \-ultum sermone movetur
quam lentae salices lassove papavera collo.

Nee minus ego tarn foeda obiurgatione finita paeni-
tentiam agere sermonis mei coepi secretoque rubore
perfundij quod oblitus verecundiae meae cum ea parte
corporis verba contulerim, quam ne ad cognitionem
quidem admittere severioris notae homines solerent.

Then, after rubbing my forehead for a long while, I
said. But what harm have I done if I have reheved
my sorrow -with some free abuse ? And then there is
the fact that of our bodilj- members we often damn
our guts, our throats, even our heads, when they give
us much trouble. Did not Ulysses argue 'v^ith his own
heart,^ while some tragedians curse their eyes as if
they could hear? Goutj' people damn their feet,
people with chalk-stones their hands, blear-eyed
people their eyes, and men who have often hurt their
toes put do-ttTi all their Uls to their poor feet:

'^\^ly do ye, Cato's disciples, look at me with
wrinkled foreheads, and condemn a work of fresh sim-
plicity ? A cheerful kindness laughs through my pure
speech, and my clean mouth reports whatever the
people do. All men bom know of mating and the
joys of love ; all men are free to let their limbs glow
in a warm bed. Epicurus, the true father of truth,
bade wise men be lovers, and said that therein lay the
crown of life." , . .

There is nothing more insincere than people's silly
con\ictions, or more silly than their sham moralitj'. . . .

WTien my speech was over, I called Giton, and said, 1 33
Now tell me, brother, on your honour. That night
when Ascjltos took you away from me, did he keep

' In the line rirXaOi iij, KpaSii^, icdi Kirrrepar SXko xar' (rKyp.

297

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

an contentus fuit vidua pudicaque nocte ? " Tetigit
puer oculos suos conceptissimisque iuravit verbis sibi
ab Ascylto nullam vim factam . . .

Positoque in limine genu sic depreeatus sum numina
versu :

Nympharum Bacchique comes, quem pulchra Dionc
divitibus silvis numen dedit, inclita paret
cui Lesbos viridisque Thasos, quem Lydus adorat
semper ovans^ templumque suis* imponit Hypaepis :
hue ades et Bacchi tutor Dryadumque voluptas,
et timidas admitte preces. Non sanguine tristi
perfusus venio, non templis impius hostis
admovi dextram, sed inops et rebus egenis
attritus facinus non toto corpore feci.
Qu isquis peccat inops, minor est reus. Hac prece quaeso,
exonera mentem culpaeque ignosce minori,
et quandoque mihi fortunae arriserit hora,
non sine honore tuum patiar decus. Ibit ad aras,
sancte tuas hircus, pecoris pater, ibit ad aras
corniger et querulae fetus'' suis, hostia lactens.
Spumabit pateris hornus liquor, et ter ovantem
circa delubrum gressum feret ebria pubes" . . .

Dum haec ago curaque sollerti deposito meo caveo,
intravit delubrum anus laceratis crinibus nigraque
veste deformis, extraque vestibulum me iniecta manu
duxit . . .
134L "Quae striges comederunt nervos tuos, aut quod
purgamentum nocte calcasti in trivio aut cadaver? Ne

* septifluus most MSS.: semperflavius cod. Bernensu : vesti-
fluus Turnebus : semper ovans Buecheler.

^ s\i\s Jungermann : luis.

* fetus Sambucus : festu^,

298

SATYRICON

awake until he had %vronged you, or was he satisfied
with spending the night decently alone?" The boy
touched his eyes and swore a most precise oath that
Ascyltos had used no force to him. . . .

I kneeled down on the threshold and entreated the
favour of the gods in these lines :

Comrade of the Nj-mphs and Bacchus, whom lovely
Dione set as god over the wide forests, whom famous
Lesbos and green Thasos obey, whom the Lydian
worships in perpetual celebration, whose temple he has
set in his own city of Hypaepa : come hither, guardian
of Bacchus and the Dryads' delight, and hear my
humble prayer. I come not to thee stained with dark
blood, I have not laid hands on a temple like a wicked
enemy, but when I was jx)or and worn with want I
sinned, yet not with my whole body. There is less
guilt in a poor man's sin. This is my prayer; take
the load from my mind, forgive a light offence; and
whenever fortune's season smiles upon me, I will not
leave thy glory ^^^thout worship. A goat shall walk
to thine altars, most holy one, a homed goat that is
father of the flock, and the young of a grunting sow,
a tender sacrifice. The new wine of the year shall
foam in the bowls, and the young men full of wine
shall trace their joyous steps three times roimd thy
sanctuary." . . .

As I was doing this and making clever plans to
guard my trust, an old woman in ugh' black clothes,
with her hair down, came into the shrine, laid hands
on me, and drew me out through the porch. . . .

\V'hat screech-owl has eaten your nerve away, 134
what foul thing or corpse have you trodden on at
a cross-road in the dark? Never even in boyhood

29»

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

a puero quidem te vindicasti, sed mollis^ debilis, lassus
tanquam caballus in clivo, et operam et sudorem per-
didisti. Nee eontentus ipse peccare, mihi deos iratos
excitasti"^ . . .

LO 1 Ac me iterum in cellam sacerdotis nihil recusantem
perduxit impulitque super lectum et harundinem ab
ostio rapuit iterumque nihil respondentem mulcavit.
Ac nisi primo ictu harundo quassata impetum verbe-
rantis minuisset, forsitan etiam brachia mea caputque
fregisset. Ingemui ego utique propter mascarpionem,
lacrimisque ubertim manantibus obscuratum dextra
caput super pulvinum inclinavi. Nee minus ilia fletu
confusa altera parte lectuli sedit aetatisque longae
moram tremulis vocibus coepit accusare, donee inter-
venit sacerdos.

"Quid vos" inquit ' in cellam meam tanquam ante
0 recens bustum venistis ? | Utique die feriarum, quo
etiam lugentes rident."

LO I O" inquit Oenothea, hunc adulescentem quern
vides : malo astro natus est ; nam neque puero neque

L puellae bona sua vendere potest. | Nunquam tu homi-
nem tarn infelicem vidisti : lorum in aqua^ non inguina

LO habet. | Ad summam^ qualem putas esse, qui de Circes

L toro sine voluptate surrexit?" | His auditis Oenothea
inter utrumque consedit motoque diutius capite
Istum ' ' inquit morbum sola sum quae erne ndare scio.
Et ne me putetis perplexe agere, rogo ut adulescentulus
mecum nocte dormiat . . .
nisi illud tarn rigidum reddidero quam cornu :
^excitasti Wouwer: extricasti.

soo

SATYRICON

could you hold your own, but you were weakly, feeble,
tired, and like a cab-horse on a hill you wasted your
efforts and your sweat. And not content 'v^-ith failing
yourself, you have roused the gods to wrath against
me." . . .

And she took me unresisting into the priestess's
room again, and pushed me over the bed, and took a
cane off the door and beat me again when I remained
unresponsive. And if the cane had not broken at the
first stroke and lessened the force of the blow, I dare-
say she would have broken my head and my arm
outright. Anyhow I groaned at her dirty tricks, and
wept abundantly, and covered my head with my right
arm, and leaned against the pillow. She was upset,
and cried too, and sat on another piece of the bed, and
began to curse the delays of old age in a quavering
voice, when the priestess came in.

" Why have you come into my room as if you were
visiting a fresh-made grave?" she said. Especially
on a holiday, when even mourners smile." Ah,
Oenothea," said the woman, this young man was
bom under a bad planet ; he cannot sell his treasure
to boys or girls either. You never beheld such an
unlucky creature : he is a piece of wash-leather, not a
real man. Just to show you, what do you think of a
man who can come away from Circe without a spark
of pleasure?" When Oenothea heard this she sat
down between us, shook her head for some time, and
then said, I am the only woman ahve who knows
how to cure that disease. Et ne me putetis perplexe
agere, rogo ut adulescentulus mecuuj nocte dor-
miat . . .
nisi illud tam rigidum reddidero quam comu :

301

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
LO I Quicquid in orbe vides, paret mihi. Florida tellus,
cum vcloj siccatis arescit languida sucis^
cum voloj fundit opes^ scopulique atque horrida saxa
Niliacas iaculantur aquas. Mihi pontus inertes
submittit fluctus, zephyrique tacentia ponunt
ante meos sua flabra pedes. Mihi flumina parent
Hyrcanaeque tigres et iussi stare dracones.
Quid leviora loquor ? Lunae descendit imago
carminibus deducta meis, trepidusque fiirentes
flectere Phoebus equos revoluto cogitur orbe.
Tantum dicta valent. Taurorum flamma quiescit
virgineis exstincta sacris, Phoebeia Circe
carminibus magicis socios mutavit Vlixis,
Proteus esse solet quicquid hbet. His ego callens
artibus Idaeos frutices in gurgite sistam
et rursus fluvios in summo vertice ponam."
1 35 Inhorrui ego tam fabulosa pollicitatione conterritus,
anumque inspicere dihgentius coepi . . .
'Ergo" exclamat Oenothea ' imperio parete" . . .
detersisque curiose manibus inclinavit se in lectulum
ac me semel iterumque basiavit ...
L I Oenothea mensam veterem posuit in medio altari,
quam vivis implevit carbonibus, et camellam etiam
vetustate ruptam pice temperata refecit. Turn clavum,
qui detrahentem secutus cum camella lignea fuerat,
L 0 fumoso parieti reddidit. | Mox incincta quadrato pallio
cucumam ingentem foco apposuit, simulque pannum
de carnario detulit furca, in quo faba erat ad usum
L reposita | et sincipitis vetustissima particula mille
S02

SATYRICON

"whatever -thou seest in the world is obedient to
me. The flowery earth, when I ■will, faints and
withers as its juices dry, and, when I will, pours forth
its riches, while rocks and rough crags spurt waters
wide as the Nile. The great sea lays its waves
lifeless before me, and the winds lower their blasts
in silence at my feet. The rivers obey me, and
Hyrcanian tigers, and serpents, whom I bid stand
still. But I will not tell you of small things; the
shape of the moon is dra-svn do\vn to me by my
spells, and Phoebus trembles and must turn his
fiery steeds as I compel him back in his course. So
great is the power of words. The flaming spirit of
bulls is quenched and calmed by a maiden's rites, and
Circe, the child of Phoebus, transfigured Ulysses's
crew with magic songs, and Proteus can take what
form he will. And I, who am cunning in these arts,
can plant the bushes of Moimt Ida in the sea, or set
rivers back on lofty peaks."

I shrank in horror from her promised miracles, and 13i>
began to look at the old woman more carefully. . . .
Now," cried Oenothea, obey my orders I" and she
wiped her hands carefully, leaned over the bed, and
kissed me once, twice ....

Oenothea put up an old table in the middle of the
altar, and covered it with live coals, and repaired a
wine-cup that had cracked from age with warm pitch.
Then she drove in once more on the smoky wall a
nail which had come away •«•ith the wooden wine-
cup when she took it down. Then she put on a
square cloak, and laid an enormous cooking-pot on the
hearth, and at the same time took off the meat-hooks
with a fork a bag which had in it some beans put by for
use, and some very mouldy pieces of a brain smashed into

303

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

LO plagis dolata. | Ut solvit ergo licio pannum, partem
leguminis super mensam efFudit iussitque me dili-
genter purgare. Servio ego imperio granaque sordi-
dissimis putaminibus vestita curiosa manu segrego. At
ilia inertiam meam accusans improba tollit, denti-
busque folliculos pariter spoliat atque in terram veluti
muscarum imagines despuit . . .

Mirabar equidem paupertatis ingenium singula-
rumque rerum quasdam artes :

Non Indum fulgebat ebur, quod inhaeserat auro,
nee iam caleato radiabat marmore terra .
muneribus delusa suis^ sed crate saligna
impositum Cereris vacuae nemus et nova ten-ae
pocula^ quae facili vilis rota finxerat actu.^
Hinc molli stillae lacus et de caudice lento
vimineae lances maculataque testa Lyaeo.
At paries circa palea satiatus inani
fortuitoque luto clavos^ numerabat agrestes,
et viridi iunco gracilis pendebat harundo.
Praeterea quae fumoso suspensa tigillo
conservabat opes humilis casa, mitia sorba
inter odoratas pendebant texta coronas
et thymbrae veteres et passis uva racemis :
qualis in Actaea quondam fuit hospita terra,
digna sacris Hecales, quam Musa loquentibus annis
Battiadae vatis mirandam tradidit aevo . . .
136 Dum ilia carnis etiam paululum delibat . . .

et dum coaequale natalium suorum sinciput in car-
narium furca reponit, fracta est putris sella, quae

^actu margin ofL: astu or hastu.
* clavos Sambucus : clavus.

304

SATYRICON

a thousand fragments. After unfastening the bag she
poured out some of the beans on the table, and told
me to shell them carefully. I obeyed orders, and my
careful fingers parted the kernels from their dirty
covering of shell. But she reproved me for laziness,
snatched them up in a hurry, tore off the shells with
her teeth in a moment, and spat them on to the ground
like the empty husks of flies. . .

I marvelled at the resources of poverty, and the art
displayed in each particular. No Indian ivory set
in gold shone here, the earth did not gleam with
marble now trodden upon and mocked for the gifts
she gave, but the grove of Ceres on her holiday was
set round with hurdles of willow twigs and fresh cups
of clay shaped by a quick turn of the lowly wheel.
There was a vessel for soft honey, and Avicker-work
plates of pliant bark, and a jar dyed with the blood
of Bacchus. And the wall round was covered with
light chaff and spattered mud; on it hung rows
of rude nails and slim stalks of green rushes.
Besides this, the little cottage roofed with smoky
beams preserved their goods, the soft service-berries
hung entwined in fragrant wreaths, and dried savory
and bunches of raisins; such a hostess was here as was
once on Athenian soil, worthy of the worship of
Hecale,^ of whom the Muse testified for all ages to
adore her, in the years when the poet of Cyrene sang.'

While she was having a small mouthful of meat as 136
well, . . . and was replacing the brain, which must have
been bom on her own birthday, on the jack >vith her
fork, the rotten stool which she was using to increase

* Hecale was a poor woman who entertained Theseus. The
poet Calllmachus (a native of Cyrene, founded by Aristotle
ofThera, called Battus) wrote a famous epic called after her.
X 305

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

staturae altitudinem adiecerat, anumque pondere

suo deiectam super foculum mittit. Frangitur ergo

cervix cucumulae ignemque modo convalescentem

L restinguit. | Vexat cubitum ipsa stipite ardenti |

LO faciemque totam excitato cinere perfundit. Con-

surrexi equidem turbatus anumque non sine risu

erexi . . ,

Ij I Statimque, ne res aliqua sacrifieiuni moraretur, ad

reficiendum ignem in viciniam cueurrit. . . .
0 I Itaque ad casae ostiolum processi ...
L0\L 1 cum ecce tres anseres sacri | qui, ut puto medio
LO die solebant ab anu diaria exigere, | impetum in
me faciunt foedoque ac veluti rabioso stridore
circumsistunt trepidantem. Atque alius tunicam
meam lacerat, alius vincula calceamentorum resolvil
ac trahit; unus etiam^ dux ac magister saevitiae,
non dubitavit crus meum serrato vexare morsu.
Oblitus itaque nugarum pedem mensulae extorsi
coepique pugnacissimum animal armata elidere
manu. Nee satiatus defunctorio ictu, morte me
anseris vindicavi:

Tales Herculea Stymphalidas arte coactas
ad caelum fugisse reor, pennaeque fluentis
HarpyiaSj cum Phineo maduere veneno
fallaces epulae. Tremuit perterritus aether
planctibus insolitis, confusaque regia caeli ...
L I lam reliqui revolutam passimque per totum efFusam
pavimentum collegerant fabam, orbatique, ut existimo,
duce redierant in templum, cum ego praeda simul
atque '[hac] vindicta gaudens post lectum occisum
anserem mitto vulnusque cruris haud altum aceto
306

SATYRICON

her height broke, and the old woman's weight sent
her down on to the hearth. So the neck of the pot
broke and put out the fire, which was just getting
up. A glowing brand touched her elbow, and her
•whole face was covered with the ashes she scattered.
I jumped up in confusion and put the old woman
straight, not without a laugh. . . . She ran off to her
neighbours to see to re\'i\Tng the fire, to prevent
anything keeping the ceremony back. ... So I w«nt to
thedoor of the house, . . . when all at once three s/icred
geese, who I suppose generally demanded their daily
food from the old woman at mid-day, made a rush at
me, and stood round me while I trembled, cackling
horribly like mad things. One tore my clothes,
another untied the strings of my sandals and tugged
them off; the third, the ringleader and chief of the
brutes, lost no time in attacking my leg with his
jagged bill. It was no laughing matter: I ■wrenched
off a leg of the table and began to hammer the ferocious
creature with this weapon in my hand. One simple
blow did not content me. I avenged my honour by
the death of the goose.

Even so I suppose the birds of Stymphalus fled
into the sky when the power of Hercules compelled
them, and the Harpies whose reeking wings made
the tantalizing food of Phineus run with poison. The
air above trembled and shook with unwonted lamen-
tation, and the palace of heaven was in an uproar.' . . .
The remaining geese had now picked up the beans',
which were spilt and scattered all over the floor, and
having lost their leader had gone back, I think, to
the temple. Then I came in, proud of my prize and
my victory, threw the dead goose behind the bed,
and bathed the wound on my leg, which was not
x2 307

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
diluo. Deinde convicium verens abeundi formavi
consilium, collectoque cultu meo ire extra casam coepi.
Necdum superaveram^ cellulae limen, cum animad-
verto Oenotheam cum testo ignis pleno venientei .
Reduxi igitur gradum proiectaque veste,tanquam exspe-
etarem morantem, in aditu steti. Collocavit ilia ignem
cassis harundinibus collectum, ingestisque super pluri-
bus lignis excusare coepit moram, quod arnica se non
dimisisset nisi tribus potionibus e lege siccatis. Quid"
porro tu" inquit me absente fecisti, aut ubi est
faba?" Ego, qui putaveram me rem laude etiam
dignam fecisse, ordine illi totum proelium exposui, et
ne diutius tristis esset, iactui-ae pensionem anserem

LO obtuli. Quem | anus ut vidit, tam magnum aeque cla-
morem sustulit, ut putares iterum anseres limen
intrasse. Confusus itaque et novitate facinoris attoni-

137 tus quaerebam, quid excanduisset, aut quare anseris
potius quam mei misereretur. At ilia complosis
manibus Scelerate" inquit etiam loqueris? Nescis
quam magnum flagitium admiseris: occidisti Priapi
delicias, anserem omnibus matronis acceptissimum.
Itaque ne te putes nihil egisse, si magistratus hoc
scierint, ibis in crucem. Polluisti sanguine domieilium
meum ante hunc diem inviolatum, fecistique ut me,
quisquis voluerit inimicus, sacerdotio pellat." . . .
L I " Rogo ' ' inquam "noli clamare : ego tibi pro ansere
struthocamelum reddam" . . .

'superaveram Turnebus: libera veram or libaveram.
S08

SATYRICON

deep, with vinegar. Then, being afraid of a scolding,
I made a plan for getting away, put my things to-
gether, and started to leave the house. I had not yet
got outside the room, when I saw Oenothea coming
with ajar full of live coals. So I drew back and threw
off my coat, and stood in the entrance as if I were
waiting for her return. She made up a fire which
she raised out of some broken reeds, and after heaping
on a quantity of wood, began to apologize for her delay,
saying that her friend would not let her go until the
customary three glasses had been emptied. What did
you do while I was away?" she went on, and where
are the beans?" Thinking that I had done some-
thing which deserved a word of praise, I described
the whole of my fight in detail, and to put an end to
her depression I produced the goose as a set-off to her
losses. When the old woman saw the bird, she
raised such a great shriek that you would have thought
that the geese had come back into the room again. I
was astonished and shocked to find so strange a
crime at my door, and I asked her why she had
flared up, and why she should be more sorry for the
goose than for me. But she beat her hands together 1 37
and said, ' You villain, you dare to speak. Do you
not know what a dreadful sin you have committed ?
You have killed the darling of Priapus, the goose
beloved of all married women. And do not suppose
that it is not serious ; if any magistrate finds out, on
the cross you go. My house was spotless until to-day,
and you have defiled it Avith blood, and you have given
any enemy of mine who likes the power to turn me
out of my priesthood." . . .

Not such a noise, please," I said; I will give you
an ostrich to replace the goose." . . .

S09

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Dum haec me stupente in lectulo sedet anserisque

fatum complorat, interim Proselenos cum impensa

sacrificii venit, visoque ansere occiso sciscitata causam

tristitiae et ipsa flere vehementius coepit meique

misereri, tanquam patrem meum^ non publicum

anserem, occidissem. Itaque taedio fatigatus rogo"

inquam expiare manus pretio liceat . . .

si vos provocassemj etiam si homicidium fecissem.

Ecce duos aureos pono, unde possitis et deos et anseres

emere." Quos ut vidit Oenothea, ignosce" inquit

adulescens, sollicita sum tua causa. Amoris est hoc

argumentum^ non malignitatis. Itaque dabimus ope-

ram^ ne quis sciat. Tu modo deos roga, ut illi facto

tuo ignoscant."

LO 1 Quisquis habet nummos, secura navigat^ aura

fortunamque suo temperat arbitrio.

Uxorem ducat Danaen ipsumque licebit

Acrisium iubeat credere quod Danaen.

Carmina componat, declamet, concrepet omnes

et peragat causas sitque Catone prior.

lurisconsultus parretj non parret" habeto

atque esto quicquid Servius et Labeo.

Multa loquor : quod visj nummis praesentibus opta,

et veniet. Clausum possidet area lovem . . .

L I Infra manus meas camellam vini posuit, et cum

digitos pariter extensos porris apioque lustrasset,

abellanas nuces cum precatione mersit in vinum. Et

sive in summum redierant, sive subsederant, ex hoc

'liceat Dousa : licet.
*navigat Vincentius: navjg-et.

810

SATYRICON

I was amazed, and the woman sat on the be3 and
wept over the death of the goose, until Proselenos
came in with materials for the sacrifice, and seeing
the dead bird, inquired why we were so depressed.
When she found out she began to weep loudly, too,
and to compassionate me as if I had killed my own
father instead of a common goose. I grew tired and
disgusted, and said, " Please let me cleanse my hands
by paying ; it would be another thing if I had insulted
you or done a murder. Look, I ^\-ill put do-s^Ti two
gold pieces. You can buy both gods and geese for
that." WTien Oenothea saw the money, she said,
''Forgive me, young man, I am troubled on youi
account. I am sho^^-ing my love and not my ill-wiU.
So we will do our best to keep the secret. But pray
the gods to pardon what you have done."

Whoever has money sails in a fair wind, and directs
his fortune at his own pleasure. Let him take Danae
to wife, and he can tell Acrisius to believe what he
told Danae. Let him write poetry, make speeches,
snap his fingers at the world, win his cases and outdo
Cato. A lawyer, let him have his Proven ' and his
'Not proven,' and be all that Servius and Labeo
were. I have said enough : with money about you,
wish for what you like and it will come. Your safe
has Jupiter shut up in it." . . .

She stood a jar of wine under my hands, and made me
stretch all my fingers out, and rubbed them with leeks
and parsley, and threw filberts into the wine with a
prayer. She drew her conclusions from them according

Sll

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
coniecturam ducebat.^ Nee me fallebat inanes scilicet
ac sine medulla ventosas nuces in summo umore
consistere, graves autem et plenas integro fructu ad
ima deferri . .

Recluso pectore extraxit fartissimum^ iecur et inde
mihi futura praedixit.

Immo, ne quod vestigium sceleris superesset, totum
anserem laceratum verubus confixit epulasque etiam
lautas paulo ante, ut ipsa dicebat, perituro paravit. . . .

Volabant inter haec potiones meracae . . .
138 Profert Oenotliea scorteum fascinum, quod ut oleo
et minuto pipere atque urticae trito circumdedit
semine, paulatim coepit inserere ano meo. . . .

Hoc crudelissima anus spargit subinde lunore femina
mea . . .

Nasturcii sucum cum habrotono miscet perfusisque
inguinibus meis viridis urticae fascem comprehendit
onuiiaque infra umbilicum coepit lentamanu caedere . . .

Aniculae quamvis solutae mero ac libidine essentj
eandem viam tentant et per aliquot vicos secutae fugi-
entem Prende furem " clamant. Evasi tamen omnibus
digitis inter praecipitem decursum cruentatis . . .

ChrysiSj quae priorem fortunam tuam oderat, banc
vel cum periculo capitis persequi destinat" . . .

Quid huic formae aut Ariadne habuit aut Leda
simile ? Quid contra banc Helene, quid Venus posset ?
Ipse Paris, dearum litigantium^ iudex,si banc in compa-

^hoc Goldast : hac coniecturam ducebat Dousa:

coniectura dicebat.

*fartissimum Heinsius: fortissimum.
' litigantium Dousa : libidinantium.
SI 2

SATYRICON

as they rose to the top or sank. I noticed that the nuts
which were empty and had no kemel,but were filled-vvitb
air, stayed on the surface, while the hea\y ones, which
were ripe and full, were carried to the bottom. . . .

She cut the goose open, drew out a very fat hver,
and foretold the future to me from it. Further, to
remove all traces of my crime, she ran the goose right
through with a spit, and made quite a fine meal for
me, though I had been at death's door a moment ago,
as she told me. . . .

Cups of neat wine went swiftly roimd with it . . .

Profert Oenothea scorteum fascinum, quod ut oleo 138
et minuto pipere atque urticae trito circumdedit
semine, paulatim coepit inserere ano meo. . . .

Hoc crudehssima anus spargit subinde umore femina
mea . . .

Nasturcii sucum cum habrotono miscet perfiisisque
inguLnibus meis viridis urticae fascem comprehendit
omniaque infra lunbihcum coepit lentamanucaedere . . .

Though the poor old things were silly with drink
and passion they tried to take the same road, and
pursued me through several streets, crying Stop
thief!" But I escaped, with all my toes running
blood in my headlong flight. . . .

Chrysis, who despised your lot before, means to
follow you now even at peril of her life." . . .

"Ariadne and Leda had no beauty like hers. Helen
and Venus -would be nothing beside her. And Paris
himself, who decided the quarrel of the goddesses,^
would have made over Helen and the goddesses too
to her, if his eager gaze had seen her to co'^ipare

'Paris judged the claims of Hera, Aphrodite and Athena
to the golden apple inscribed " To the fairest," which Eris
threw among the guests at the wedding of Peleus and
Thetis, uid awarded it to Aphrodite. ^ jg

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

ratione vidisset tam petulantibus oculis^ et Helenen

huic donasset et deas. Saltern si permitteretur oscu-

lum capere, si illud caeleste ac divinum pectus

amplecti forsitan rediret hoc corpus ad vires et

resipiscerent partes veneficio, credo, sopitae. Nee me

contumeliae lassant: quod verberatus sum, nescio;

quod eiectus sum, lusum puto. Modo redire in gra-

tiam liceat" . , .

139 Torum frequenti tractatione vexavi, amoris mei

quasi quandam imaginem . . .

Non solum me numen et implacabile fatum

persequitur. Prius Inachia Tirynthius ora

exagitatus onus caeli tulit, ante profanam

Laomedon gemini satiavit numinis iram,

lunonem Pelias sensit, tulit inscius arma

Telephus et regnum Neptuni pavit Vlixes.

Me quoque per terras, per cani Nereos aequor

Hellespontiaci sequitur gravis ira Priapi" . . .

Quaerere a Gitone meo coepi, num aliquis me

quaesisset. Nemo" inquit hodie. Sed hesterno die

mulier quaedam baud inculta ianuam intravit, cumque

diu mecum esset locuta et me accersito sermone las-

sasset, ultimo coepit dicere, te noxam meruisse datu-

rumque serviles poenas, si laesus in querella perseve-

rasset" . . .
S14

SATYRICON

with them. If only I were allowed a kiss, or could
put my arms round the body that is heaven's own
self; ma5'be my body would come back to its strength,
and the part of me that is drowsed with poison, I
believe, might be itself again. No insult turns me
back; I forget my floggings, and I think it fine sp>ort
to be flung out of doors. Only let her be kind to me
again." ...

I moved imeasily over the bed again and again, as 1 39
if I sought for the ghost of my love ....

I am not the only one whom God and an inexor-
able doom pursues. Before me the son of Tiryns was
driven from the Inachian shore and bore the burden
of heaven, and Laomedon before me satisfied the
ominous wrath of two gods.^ Pelias felt Juno's power,
Telephus ^ fought in ignorance, and Ulysses was in awe
of Neptune's kingdom.^ And me too the hea\-y wrath
of Hellespontine Priapus follows over the earth and
over the waters of hoary Nereus.' . . .

I began to inquire of Giton whether anyone had
asked for me. No one to-day," he said, but yes-
terday a rather pretty woman came in at the door,
and talked to me for a long while, till I was tired of
her forced conversation, and then began to say that
you deserved to be hurt and would have the tortures
of a slave, if your adversary persisted with his com-
plaint." . . .

^He cheated Apollo and Neptune of their wages for building
Troy. See Homer, Iliad xxiii, 442 : Horace, Odes, iii. 3.

* He was king- of Mysia and fought the Greeks who were
driven ashore in his country on their way to Troy. Achilles
wounded him with the miraculous spear of Chiron. (Murray,
Euripides, p. 345.)

' The Odyssey is the record of the wanderings of Ulysses
by sea.

315

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Nondum querellam finieram, cum Chrysis intervenit
amplexuque effusissimo me invasit et Teneo te"
inquit qualem speraveram : tu desiderium meum, tu
voluptas mea, nunquam finies hunc ignem, nisi san-
guine exstinxeris" . . .

Unus ex noviciis servxilis subito accurrit et mihi
dominum iratissimum esse affirmavit, quod biduo iam
officio defuissem. Recte ergo me facturum, si excusa-
tionem aliquam idoneam praeparassem. Vix enim
posse fieri, ut rabies irascentis sine verbere consi-
deret , . .
140 Matrona inter primas honesta, Philomela nomine,
quae multas saepe hereditates officio aetatis extorserat,
tum anus et floris exstincti, filium filiamque ingerebat
orbis senibus, et per banc successionem artem suam
perseverabat extendere. Ea ergo ad Eumolpum venit
et commendare liberos suos eius prudentiae bonita-
tique . . . credere se et vota sua. Ilium esse solum in
toto orbe terrarum, qui praeceptis etiam salubribus
instruere iuvenes quotidie posset. Ad summam, relin-
quere se pueros in domo Eumolpi, ut ilium loquentem
audirent . . . quae sola posset hereditas iuvenibus dari.
Necaliter fecit ac dixerat, filiamque speciosissimam cum
fratre ephebo in cubiculo reliquit simulavitque se in tem-
plum ire ad vota nuncupanda. Eumolpus, qui tam frugi
erat ut illi etiam ego puer viderer, non distulit puellam
invitare ad pigiciaca^ sacra. Sed et podagricum se esse
lumborumque solutorum omnibus dixerat, et si non
servasset integram simulationem, periclitabatur totam
paene tragoediam evertere. Itaque ut constaret
mendacio fides, puellam quidem exoravit, ut sederet
super commendatam bonitatem, C.-raci autem impe-
ravit, ut lectum, in quo ipse iacebat, subiret positisque
* pugesiaca marein of L.
316

SATYRICON

I had not finished grumbling, when Chrysis came
in, ran up and warmly embraced me, and said, 'Now
I have you as I hoped ; you are my desire, my pleasure,
you will never put out this flame unless you quench it
in my blood." , . .

One of the new slaves suddenly ran up and said
that my master was furious with me because I had
now been away from work two days. The best thing
I could do would be to get ready some suitable excuse.
It was hardly possible that his savage wrath would
abate without a flogging for me. . . .

Matrona inter primas honesta, Philomela nomine, 140
quae multas saepe hereditates officio aetatis extorserat,
turn anus et floris extincti, filium filiamque ingerebat
orbis senibus, et per banc successionem artem suam
perseverabat extendere. Ea ergo ad Eumolpum venit
et commendare liberos suos eius prudentiae bonita-
tique . . . credere se et vota sua. Ilium esse solum in
to to or be terrarum, qui praeceptis etiam salubribus
instruere iuvenes quotidie posset. Ad sununam, relin-
quere se pueros in domo Eumolpi, ut ilium loquentem
audirent . . . quae sola posset hereditas iuvenibus dari.
Nee aliter fecit ac dixerat, filiamque speciosissimam cum
fratre ephebo in cubiculo reliquit Simula vitque se in tem-
pi um ire ad vota nuncupanda. Eumolpus, qui tam frugi
erat ut ilH etiam ego puer viderer, non distulit puellam
invitare ad pigiciaca^ sacra. Sed et podagricum se esse
lumborumque solutorum omnibus dixerat, et si non
servasset integram simulationem, pericHtabatur totam
paene tragoediam evertere. Itaque ut constaret
mendacio fides, puellam quidem exoravit, ut sederet
super commendatam bonitatem, Coraci autem impe-
ravit, ut lectum, in quo ipse iacebat, subiret positisque

817

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

in pavimento manibus dominum lumbis suis conujio-
veret. Ille lente^ parebat imperio puellaeque artificium
pari motu remunerabat. Cum ergo res ad effectunj
spectaret, clara Eumolpus voce exhortabatur Coraca,
ut spissaret officium. Sic inter mercennarium anji-
camque positus senex veluti oscillatione ludebat. Hoc
semel iterumque ingenti risu, etiam suo, Eumolpus
fecerat. Itaque ego quoque, ne desidia consuetudinem
perderenij dum frater sororis suae automata per clo-
stellum miratur, accessi temptaturus, an pateretur
iniuriam. Nee se reiciebat a blanditiis doctissimus
puer, sed me numen inimicum ibi quoque invenit . . .
Dii maiores sunt, qui me restituerunt in integrum.
Mercurius enim, qui animas ducere et reducere solet,
suis beneficiis reddidit mihi, quod manus irata praeci-
derat, ut scias me gratiosiorem esse quam Protesilaum
aut quemquam alium antiquorum." Haec locutus
sustuli tunicam Eumolpoque me totum approbavi. At
ille primo exhorruit, deinde ut plurimum crederet,
utraque manu deorum beneficia tractat . . .

"Socrates, deorum hominumque . . ., gloriari solebat,
quod nunquam neque in tabernam conspexerat nee
ullius turbae frequentioris concilio oculos suos credi-
derat. Adeo nihil est commodius quam semper cum
sapientia loqui."

"Omnia" inquam ista vera sunt; nee ulli enim
celerius homines incidere debent in malam fortunam,
quam qui alienum concupiscunt. Unde plani autem,
unde levatores viverent, nisi aut locellos aut sonantes
acre sacellos pro hamis in turbam mitterent? Sicut
muta animalia cibo inescantur, sic homines non cape-
rentur nisi spei aliquid morderent" , . .
* lente Scioppius : lento.
318

SATYRICON

in pavimento manibus dominum lumbis suis commo-
veret. Ille lente parebat imperio puellaeque artificium
pari motu remunerabat. Cum ergo res ad effectum
spectaret, clara Eumolpus voce exhortabatur Q)raca,
ut spissaret officium. Sic inter mercennarium ami-
camque positus senex veluti oscillatioue ludebat. Hoc
semel iterumque ingentl risu, etiam suo, Eumolpus
fecerat. Itaque ego quoque, ne desidia consuetudtnem
perderem, dum frater sororis suae automata per clo-
stellum miratur^ accessi temptaturus, an pateretur
iniuriam. Nee se reiciebat a blanditiis doctissunus
puer, sed me numen inimicum ibi quoque invenit . . .

Dii maiores sunt, qui me restituerunt in integrum.
Mercurius enim, qui animas ducere et reducere solet,
suis beneficiis reddidit mihi, quod manus irata praeci-
derat, ut scias me gratiosiorem esse quam Protesilaum ^
aut quemquam alium antiquorum." Haec locutus
sustuli tunicam Eumolpoque me totum approbavi. At
ille primo exhomiit, deinde ut plurimum crederetj
utraque manu deorum beneficia tractat . . .

Socrates, the friend of God and man, used to
boast that he had never peeped into a shop, or allowed
his eyes to rest on any large crowd. So nothing is
more blessed than always to converse with wis-
dom."

All that is very true," I said, and no one deserves
to fall into misery sooner than the covetous. But how
would cheats or pickpockets live, if they did not ex-
pose little boxes or purses jingling with money, like
hooks, to collect a crowd? Just as dumb creatures
are snared by food, human beings would not be caught
unless they had a nibble of hope." . . .

' He was allowed to revisit earth after death. See Words-
worth's Laodamia.

319

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER
141 Ex Africa navis, ut promiseras, cum pecunia tua w

familia non venit. Captatores iam exhausti liberali-
tatem imminuerunt. Itaque aut fallor, aut fortuna
communis coepit redire ad paenitentiam tuam"^ . . .

Omnes, qui in testamento meo legata habent,
praeter libertos meos hac condicione percipient, quae
dedi, si corpus meum in partes conciderint et astante
populo comederint" . . .

' Apud quasdam gentes scimus adhuc legem servari,
ut a propinquis suis consumantur defuncti, adeo qui-
dem, ut obiurgentur aegri frequenter, quod carnem
suam faciant peiorem. His admoneo amicos meos, ne
recusent quae iubeo, sed quibus animis devoverint
spiritum meum, eisdem etiam corpus consumant" . . .

Excaecabat pecuniae ingens fama oculos an>mosque .■
miserorum.

Gorgia paratus erat exsequi ...
De stomachi tui recusatione non habeo quod
timeam. Sequetur imperium, si promiseris illi pro
unius horae fastidio multorum bonorum pensationem.
Operi mode oculos et finge te non humana viscera sed
centies sestertium comesse. Accedit hue, quod aliqua
inveniemus blandimenta, quibus saporem mutemus.
Neque enim ulla care per se placet, sed arte quadam
corrumpitur et stomacho conciliatur averso. Quod si
exemplis quoque vis probari consilium, Saguntini
oppressi ab Hannibale humanas edere cames, necj

Hu?cs Busch : suam.
S20

SATYRICON

The ship from Africa with your money and slaves 141
that you promised does not arrive. The fortune-
hunters are tired out, and their generosity is shrinking.
So that unless I am mistaken, our usual luck is on its
way back to punish you." . . .

All those who come into money under my will,
except my o^vn children, will get what I have left
them on one condition, that they cut my body in
pieces and eat it up in sight of the crowd." . . .

We know that in some countries a law is still
observed, that dead people shall be eaten by their
relations, and the result is that sick people are often
blamed for spoiling their o\m flesh. So I warn my
friends not to disobey my orders, but to eat my body
as heartily as they damned my soul." . . .

His great reputation for wealth dulled the eyes and
brains of the fools. Gorgias was ready to manage
the funeral. ...

I am not at all afraid of your stomach tinning. You
will get it under control if you promise to repay it
for one unpleasant hour with heaps of good things.
Just shut your ej'es and dream you are eating up a
soUd million instead of human flesh. Besides, we shall
find some kind of sauce which will take the taste
away. No flesh at all is pleasant in itself, it has to
be artificially disguised and reconciled to the unwilling
digestion. But if you wish the plan to be supported
by precedents, the people of Saguntum/ when Hannibal
besieged them, ate human flesh without any legacy in
' Sag^untum fell in 218 B.C. after an eight months' siege.
V 321

TirUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

iiereditatem exspectabant. Petelini^ idem fecerunt in
ultima fame, nee quicquam aliud in hac epulatione
captabant, nisi tantum ne esurirent. Cum esset
Numantia a Scipione capta, inventae sunt matres,
quae liberorum suorum tenerent semesa in sinu cor-
pora" . . .

^Pttelini Puieantts : PetaviL

Sfti

SATYRICON

prospect. The people of Petelia * did likewise in the
extremities of famine, and gained nothing by the diet,
except of course that they were no longer hungry.
And when Numantia was stormed by Scipio,^ some
women were found with the half-eaten bodies of their
children hidden in their bosoms." . . .

* A town in the territory of the Bruttii, who were subdued
by Rome in the 3rd century B.C.

* In 133 B.C. after fifteen months' blockade. The fall of the
city established the supremacy of Rome in Spain.

S2S

FRAGMENTA

I

SeT^ius ad Fergili Aen. Ill 57: auri sacra fames]
sacra id est execrabilis. Tractus est autem sermo ex
more Gallorum. Nam Massilienses quotiens pesti-
lentia laborabant, unus se ex pauperibus ofFerebat
alendus anno integro publicis sumptibus et purioribus
cibis. Hie postea ornatus verbenis et vestibus sacris
eircumducebatur per totam civitatem cum exsecratio-
nibus, ut in ipsum reciderent mala totius civitatiSj et
sic proiciebatur. Hoc autem in Petronio lectum est

H

Servius ad Fergili Aen. XII 159 de feminino nominum
in TOR exeuntium genere : Si autem a verbo non vene-
rint, communia sunt. Nam similiter et masculina et
feminina in tor exeunt, ut hie et haec senator, hie et
haec balneator, licet Petronius usurpaverit balnea-
tricem " dicens

HI

Pseudacro ad Horati epod. 5, ^8 : Canidia rodens
pollicem] habitum et motum Canidiae expressit
furentis. Petronius ut monstraret furentem, pollice '
ait usque ad periculum roso "
824

FRAGMENTS

I

Servius on Virgil, Aeneid III, 57 : The sacred hun-
ger for gold." Sacred" means accursed." This
expression is derived from a Gallic custom. For
whenever the people of Massilia were burdened with
pestilence, one of the poor would volunteer to be fed
for an entire year out of public funds on food of
special purity. After this period he would be decked
with sacred herbs and sacred robes, and would be led
through the whole state while people cursed him, in
order that the sufferings of the whole state might fall
upon him, and so he would be cast out. This account
has been given in Petronius.

II

Servius on Virgil, Aeneid XII, 159, on the feminine
gender of nouns ending in -tor : But if they are not
derived from a verb they are common in gender. For
in these cases both the masculine and the feminine
end alike in -tor, for example, senator, a male or female
senator, balneator, a male or female bath attendant,
though Petronius makes an exception in speaking of
a." bath-woman" {halneatricem).

Ill

Pseud-AcTO on Horace, Epodes 5, Jf.8 : *" Canidia
biting her thumb " : He expressed the appearance
and movements of Canidia in a rage. Petronius,
wishing to portray a furious person, says ' biting his
thumb to the quick."

S25

FRAGMENTA

IV

Sidonius Apollinaris carminis XXIII:

quid vos eloquii canam Latinij
Arpinas, Patavine, Mantuane? —
Et te Massiliensium per hortos
sacri stipitis^ Arbiter, colonura
Hellespontiaco parem Priapo?

V

Priscianus institutionum VIII 16 p. 38 1 et XI S9
p. 567 Hertzii inter exempla quihus deponentium verbo-
rum participia praeteriti temporis passivam significationem
habere declarat : Petronius animam nostro amplexam
peetore"

yb

Boethius in Porpkyrium a Victorino translatum dialogo
II extremo p. J^5 exemplaiium Basiliensium : Ego faciam,
inquit, libentissime. Sed quoniam iam matutinus, ut
ait Petronius, sol tectis arrisit, surgamus, et si quid
est illud, diligentiore postea consideratione tracta-
bitur

vr

Fulgentius mythohgiarum I p. 2S Munckeri : Nescis
. . quantum saturam matronae formident. Licet
mulierum verbialibus undis et causidici cedant nee
grammatici muttiant, rhetor taceat et clamorem
praeco compescat, sola est quae modum imponit
fiirentibus, licet Petroniana subet Albucia
S26

FRAGMENTS

IV
Sidonius ApolUnaris Carmen XXIII, llfb, 155 : Why
should I hymn you, tuneful Latin ^\Titers, thou of
Arpinum, thou of Patavium, thou of Mantua?^ And
thou, Arbiter, who in the gardens of the men of
Massiha findest a home on the hallowed tree-trunk
as the peer of Hellespontine Priapus?

V
Priscian Institutiones VIII, 16 and XI, 29 {pp. S81,
567 ed. Hertz) among the examples by which he shows
that the past participles of deponent verbs have a passive
meaning: Petronius, the soul locked {amplexani) in our
bosoms."

yb
Boethius on Victorinvs s translation of Porphyry, Dia-
logue II (p. 45 ed. Basle) : I shall be very glad to do
it, he said. But since the morning sun, in Petronius' s
words, has now smiled upon the roofs, let us get up, and
if there is any other point, it shall be treated later
with more careful attention.

VI

Fulgentius Mythohgiae I (p. 2S ed. Muncker) : You
do not know . . . how women dread satire. Lawyers
may retreat and scholars may not utter a syllable
before the flood of a woman's words, the rhetorician
may be dumb and the herald may stop his cries ;
satire alone can put a limit to their madness, though
it be Petronius's Albucia who is hot.

' The writers are Cicero, Livy, Virgil.

327

FRAGMENTA

vir

Fulgentius mythohgiarum III 8 p. 12J^ ubi sucum
myrrhae valde fervidum esse dixit : Unde et Petronius
Arbiter ad libidinis concitamentum niyrrhinum se
poculum bibisse refert

VIII*
Fulgentius in expositione Virgilianae continentiae p. 156:
Tricerberi enim fabulam iam superius exposuimus in
modum iurgii forensisque litigii positam. Unde et
Petronius in Euscion ait "Cerberus forensis erat
causidicus"

IX*

Fulgentius in expositione sermonum antiquorum JfZ
p. 565 Merceri : Fereulum dicitur missum carnium.
Unde et Petronius Arbiter ait postquam fereulum
allatum est"

X*

Futgentius ibidem Jf.6 p. 565 : Valgia vero sunt label-
loruni obtortiones in supinatione factae. Sicut et
Petronius ait obtorto valgiter labello"

XI*

Fuigentius ibidem 52 p. 566: Alucinare dicitur vana
somniari, tractum ab alucitis, quos nos conopes dici-
mus. Sicut Petronius Arbiter ait nam contubernalem
alucitae molestabant"
328

FRAGMENTS

VII

Fulgenttus Mythologiae III, 8 (p. 1^4), {nhere he
remarked that essence of myrrh is very strong) : hence
too Petronius Arbiter says that he drank a cup qf
myrrh in order to excite his passion,

VIII

Fulgenttus in his Treatise on the Contents of FirgiFs
works {p. 156) : For we have already explained above
the application of the myth of Cerberus -vvith Three
Heads to quarrels and litigation in the courts. Hence
too Petronius says of Euscios, The barrister was a
Cerberus of the courts."

IX

Fulgentius in his Explanation of Old Words, 42 (p.
665 in Mercer s edition) : Ferculum means a dish of
flesh. Hence too Petronius Arbiter says. After the
dish of flesh {ferculum) was brotight in."

X

Fulgentius ibid. Jfi (p. 56o) : Valgia really means
the twisting of the lips which occurs in vomiting.
As Petronius also says, JVith lips twisted as in a vomit
{valgiter)."

XI

Fulgentius ibid. 52 (p. 566) : Alucinare means to
dream falsely, and is derived from alucitae, which we
call conopes (mosquitoes). As Petronius Arbiter says.
For the mosquitoes {alucitae) were troubling my com-
panion."

S29

FRAGMENTA

XII*

Fulgeniius ibidem 60 p. 567 : Manubiae dicuntur
omamenta regum. Unde et Petronius Arbiter ait
tot regum manubiae penes fugitivum repertae"

XIII*

Fulgeniius ibidem 61 p. 567: Aumatium dicitur locum
secretum publicum sicut in theatris aut in circo.
Unde et Petronius Arbiter ait in aumatium memet
ipsum conieci"

XIV

Isidorus origi7ium V 26, 7 : Dolus est mentis calliditas
ab eo quod deludat: aliud enim agit, aliud simulat.
Petronius aliter existimat dicens quid estj iudices,
dolus ? Nimirum ubi aliquid factum est quod legi dolet.
Habetis dolum: accipite nunc malum"

XV

Glossarium S. Dionysti: Petaurus genus ludi. Petro-
nius petauroque iubente modo superior."

XVI
Petronius satis constaret eos nisi inclinatos nc
sol ere transire cryptam Neapolitanam " ex glossario
Dionysti.

XVII*^
In alio glossario :

Suppes suppumpis, hoc est supinis pedibus.
Tullia, media vel regia.

'Wrong-ly attributed to Petronius by Pithoeus througl
misunderstanding a marginal note of Scaliger.

330

FRAGMENTS

XII

Fulgentius ibid. 60 (p. 567) : Manubiae means the
ornaments of kings. Hence Petronius Arbiter also
saySj " So many kingly ornaments (manubiae) found in the
possession of a runaway."

XIII

Fulgentius ibid. 61 {p. 567) : Aumatium means a
private place in a public spot such as theatres or the
circus. Hence Petronius Arbiter also saySj ' I hurled
myself into the privy-place {aumatium)."

XIV

Isidorus Origines V, 26, 7 : Dolus^ is the mental
cunning on the part of the deceiver : for he does one
thing and pretends another. Petronius takes a dif-
ferent \iew when he says, ' What is a wrong (dolus),
gentlemen ? It occurs whenever anything offensive to the
law is done. You understand what a wrong is : nam take
damage . . ." ^y

Glossary of St. Dionysius: The spring-board is a
kind of game. Petronius, Now lifted high at the will
of the spring-board."

XVI

From the Glossary of St. Dionysius : Petronius, It
was quite certainly their usual plan to go through the Grotto
of Naples only with backs bent double."

Another Glossary :

Suppes suppumpis, that is with feet bent backwards.
TuUia, mediator (f) or princess.

' Dolus originally meant a device without moral connota-
tion ; hence the legal term for fraud was dolus malus, and
the use of dolus alone in a bad sense is later.

331

FRAGMENTA

XVIII*

Nicoians Perottus Comu copiae p. 200, 26 editionis
Aldinae anni 1513: Cosmus etiam excellens unguen-
tarius fuit, a quo unguenta dicta sunt Cosmiana. idem
{^luvenalis 8, 86\ "et Cosmi toto mergatur aheno."
Petronius affer nobis, inquit, alabastrum Cosmiani"

XIX

Terentianus Maurus de metris:
Horatium videmus
versus tenoris huius
nusquam locasse iuges,
at Arbiter disertus
libris suis frequentat.
Agnoscere haec potestis,
cantare quae solemus :
Memphitides puellae
sacris deum paratae.
Tinctus colore noctis
manu puer loquaci"
Marius Victorinus III 17 (in Keilii grammaticis VI p.
ISS) : Huius tenoris ac formae quosdam versus poetas
lyricos carminibus suis indidisse cognovimus, ut et apud
Arbitrum invenimus, cuius exemplum
Memphitides puellae
sacris deum paratae."
Tinctus colore noctis
Aegyptias choreas"
332

FRAGMENTS

XVIII

Nicolaus Perottus in the Cornucopia {p. 200, 26 in the
Aldine Edition of 1513) : Cosmus too was a superb
perfumer, and ointments are called Cosmian after him.
The same writer (Juvenal 8, 86) says, " and let him
be plunged deep in a bronze vase of Cosmus."
Petronius, Bring us, he said, an alabaster box o^
Cosmus ointment."

XIX

Terentianus Maunis on Metre :

We see that Horace nowhere employed verse of
this rhj-thm continuously, but the learned Arbiter
uses it often in his works. You will remember these
lines, which we are used to sing : The maidens of
Memphis, made ready for the rites of the Gods. The boy
wloured deep as the night with speaking gestures."

Marius Victorinus III, 17{Keil, Grammatici, VI,1S8):

We know that the lyric poets inserted some lines of

this rhythm and form in their works, as we find too

in Arbiter, for example : ' The maidens of Memphis,

made ready for the rites of the Gods," and again

Coloured deep as the night, [dancing] Egyptian dances."

333

FRAGMENTA

XX

Terentianus Maurus de metris :

Nunc divisiOj quam loquemur, edet
metrum, quo memorant Anacreonta
dulces composuisse cantilenas.
Hoc Petronius invenitur usus,
Musis cum lyricum refert eundem
consonantia verba cantitasse,
et plures alii. Sed iste versus
quali compositus tome sit, edam.

luverunt segetes meum laborem."
"luverunt" caput est id hexametri —
quod restat " segetes meum laborem,"
tale est ceu " triplici vides ut ortu
Triviae rotetur ignis
volucrique Phoebus axe
rapidum pererret orbem"

XXI

Diomedes in arte III p. 518 Keilii: Et illud hinc est
comma quod Arbiter fecit tale
"Anus recocta vino
trementibus labellis"

XXII

Servius in artem Donati p. ^32, 22 KeiUi: Item Qui-
rites dicit numero tantum plurali, Sed legimus apud
Horatium hunc Quiritem, ut sit nominativus hie
334

FRAGMENTS

XX

Terentianus Maurus on Metre :

Now the analysis, which we will explain, will give
us the metre in which they say that Anacreon wTote
his sweet old songs. We find that Petronius, as well
as many others, used this metre, when he says that
this same lyric poet sang in words harmonious to the
Muses. But I will explain with what kind of caesura
this verse is written. In the line luverunt segetes
meum lahorem" ( The comjields have lightened my
labour "\ the word iuvenmt" is the beginning of a
hexameter : the remaining words segetes meum
laborem " are in the same metre as

trip lid vides ut ortu

Triviae rotetur ignis

volucrique Phoebus axe

rapidum pererret orbem "
{" You see how the fire of Trivia spins round from her
threefold rising,^ and Phoebus on his winged wheel traverses
the hurrying globe ".)

XXI

Diomede on Grammar III {Keilp. 518) : Hence arises
the caesura which Arbiter employed thus :
'Anus recocta vino
trementibus labelUs"
( An old woman soaked in wine, with trembling lips")

XXII

Servius on the Grammar of Donatus (Keil p. 432, 22) :
Again, he uses Quirites" ( Roman citizens") only in
the plural number. But we read in Horace the accusa-
tive hunc Quiritem" ( this Roman citizen") making
'I.e. as the new, the full, or the waaing- moon.

.S35

FRAGMENTA

Quiris. Item idem Horatius quis teQuiritem?" cuius
nominativus erit hie Quirites, ut dicit Petronius

Pompeius in commento artis Donatip. 167, 9 K : Nemo
dicit hie Quirites" sed hi Quirites," licet legeri-
mus hoc. Legite in Petronio, et invenietis de nomi-
nativo singulari hoc factum. Et ait Petronius "hie
Quirites "

XXIII

grammaticus de dubiis nominibtis p. 578,23 K : Fretum
generis neutri et pluraliter freta, ut Petronius "freta
Nereidum"

XXIV*

Hieronymus in epistula ad Demetriadem CXXX 19
p. 995 Vallarsii : Cincinnatulos pueros et calamistratos
et peregrini muris olentes pelliculas, de quibus illuc
Arbitri est

Non bene olet qui bene semper olet/'
quasi quasdam pestes et venena pudicitiae virgo devitet

XXV*

Fulgentins mythologiarum. II 6 p. 80 de Prometheo:
Quamvis Nicagoras . . . quod vulturi iecur praebeat,
livoris quasi pingat imaginem. Unde et Petronius
Arbiter ait

"qui voltur iecur intimum pererrat
et pectus trahit intimasque fibras,
non est quern lepidi vocant poetae,
sed cordis mala, livor atque luxus"

FRAGMENTS

thf nominative ' hie Quiris." Again, the same
Horace says "Quis te Quiritem ? " and there the
nominative will be "hie Qimites," as Petronius says.
Pompeius in his Commentary on the Art of Donatus
{Keil p. 167, 9): No one says "this Roman citizen,"
but ' these Roman citizens," although we find the
former in books. Read Petronius, and you will find
this use of the nominative singular. And Petronius
says "Hie Quirites" (^' this Roman citizen)."

XXIII

A Grammarian on Nouns of uncertain gender {Keil
p. 378, 23): Fretum ("a strait") is of the neuter
gender, and its plural is freta, as Petronius says
' Freta Nei-eidum" {"The straits of the Nereids").

XXIV

Hieronymus in his Letter to Demetriades CXXX, 19
{Vallarsius p. 995): Boys with hair curled and crimped
and skins smelling like foreign musk-rats, about whom
Arbiter wrote the line, ' To smell good aln-ays is not to
smell good," ^ shomng how the virgin may avoid certain
plagues and poisons of modesty.

XXV

Fulgentius Mythologiae II, 6 {p. 80, on Prometheus) :
Although Nicagoras . . . represents his yielding his liver
to a vulture, as an allegorical picture of envy. Hence
too Petronius Arbiter says : The vulture who explores our
inmost liver, and drags out our heart and inmost nerves,
is not the bird of whom our dainty poets talk, hut those
diseases of the soul, envy and wantonness."

'The line occurs in Martial 2, I2, 4. The reference to
Petronius may be due to a confusion with ch. 2, 1. I.

z 337

POEMS

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

INTRODUCTION

Of the poems which follow, 1-17 are found in the
cod. Vossianus L. Q. 86, a MS. of the 9th century.
They follow a number of epigrams attributed to
Seneca and are not attributed by the MS. to Petronius.
But 3, 1 and 1 2, 6-9 are quoted by Fulgentius (myth.
I, 1, p. 31 and III, 9, P- 126) as from Petronius, while
the general resemblance to Petronius led Scaliger to
attribute the remainder to the same author. Though
absolute proof of the correctness of this atti'ibution
is lacking, most readers will feel little doubt that
Scaliger was right.

1 8-29^ were contained in a MS. once at Beauvais and
now lost. The contents of this codex Bellovacensis
were published by Claude Binet in 1579. The last two
poems were not, according to Binet, given to Petro-
nius by the MS., and I have included them with
some hesitation. But as Binet saw, the resemblance
to the style and tone of Petronius is considerable,
and they are therefore given here. The six poems
which followed in this MS. are given by Baehrens
(P.L.M. iv. 103-8) to Petronius. But they have no
particular affinity with the work of Petronius, and as
they have inserted among them in Binet's book a
number of poems which are admittedly by Luxorius
(see Baehrens, op. cit. App. Crit. on P.L.M. iv. 104),
they are not included here.

'No. 20 is also contained in cod. Paris, 10318 (Salma-
sianus), cod. Vossianus, L.Q. 86, cod. Paris, 8071 (Thua-
oeus).
840

POEMS

The remaining two poems are found in cod. Vos-
sianus L.F. ] 11, a MS. of the 9th century. They are
attributed to Petronius by the MS., and follow two
poems found in the MSS of the novel (c. 14 and c.
83). Their general resemblance would betray their
authorship.

For a discussion of these MSS. see Baehrens,
Poetae Latini Minores, vol. iv, pp. 11, 13 and 19- Also
p. 36 ff.

SIGLA
Cod. Voss. L.Q. 86=r.
Cod. Bellovacensis = W.
Cod. Voss. L.F. lll=i:

H.E.B.

S41

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

74 Poet. Lat. Min. iv, ed. Baehrens.

1 Inveniet quod quisque velit: non omnibus unum est

quod placet: hie spinas colligit, ille rosas.

75 P.L.M.

2 lam nunc algentes autumnus fecerat umbras^
atque hiemem tepidis spectabat Phoebus habenis,
iam platanus iactare comas, iam coeperat uvas
adnumerare suas defecto palmite vitis:

ante oculos stabat quidquid promiserat annus.

76 P.L.M.

3 Primus in orbe deos fecit timor, ardua caelo
fulmina cum caderent discussaque moenia flammis
atque ictus flagraret Athos; mox Phoebus ab ortu^
lustrata deuectus humo, Lunaeque senectus

et reparatus honos; hinc signa efFusa per orbem
et permutatis disiunctus mensibus annus.
Profecit^ vitium iamque error iussit inanis
agricolas primos Cereri dare messis honores,
palmitibus plenis Bacchum vincire, Palemque
pastorum gaudere manu ; natat obrutus omnis
Neptunus demersus aqua ; Pallasque tabernas
vindicat; et voti reus et qui vendidit orbem/
iam sibi quisque deos avido certamine fingit.

77 P.L.M.

4 Nolo ego semper idem capiti sufFundere costum

nee noto^ stomachum conciliare mero.
' algentes , . . fecerat Baehrens: ardentes . . . fregerat V,
^ab ortu Butler: ad ortus K
^ prof ecit anon : proiecit V.

* natat obrutus probably corrupt: portus tenet Buecheler.

* orbem perhaps corrupt : orbam Barih : urbem Pithoeus

* note Paulmier : toto V.

S42

POEMS

Every man shall find his own desire ; there is no 1
one thing which pleases all : one man gathers thorns
and another roses.

Now autumn had brought its chill shades, and 2
Phoebus was looking winterwards with cooler reins.
Now the plane-tree had begun to shed down her
leaves, now the young shoots had withered on the
vine, and she had begun to number her grapes : the
whole promise of the year was standing before our
eyes.

It was fear first created gods in the world, when the 3
lightning fell from high heaven, and the ramparts of the
world were rent with flame, and Athos was smitten and
blazed. Soon 'twas Phoebus sank to earth, after he
had traversed earth from his rising ; the Moon grew
old and once more renewed her glory ; next the starry
signs were spread through the firmament, and the
year divided into changing seasons. The folly spread,
and soon vain superstition bade the labourer yield to
Ceres the harvest's chosen firstfrnits, and garland
Bacchus >vith the fruitful vine, and made Pales to
rejoice in the shepherd's work ; Neptune swims deep-
plunged beneath all the waters of the world, Pallas
watches over shops, and the man who wins his prayer
or has betrayed the world for gold now strives greedily
to create gods of his own.

I would not always steep my head with the same 4
sweet nard, nor strive to win my stomach with familiar

S43

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Taurus amat gramen mutata carpere valle
et fera mutatis sustinet ora cibis.

Ipsa dies ideo nos grato perluit haustu,
quod permutatis hora recurrit equis.

78 P.L.M.

5 Uxor, legis onus/ debet quasi census amari.

nee censum vellem semper amare meuna.

79 P.L.M.

Linque tuas sedes alienaque litora quaere,

o ^ iuvenis : maior rerum tibi nascitur ordo.

Ne succumbe malis : te noverit ultimus Hister,

te Boreas gelidus securaque regna Canopi,

quique renascentem Phoebum cernuntque cadentem;

maior in externas fit qui^ descendit harenas.

80 P.L.M.

Nam nihil est, quod non mortalibus afferat usum ;

rebus in adversis quae iacuere iuvant.
Sic rate demersa fulvum deponderat aurum,

remorum levitas naufraga membra vehit.
Cum sonuere tubae, iugulo stat divite ferrum

barbaricum : tenuis praebia pannus habet.*

* legis onus Baehrens : inus V.

^o added by Scaliger, omitted hy V.
' fit qui Baehrens : itacui V.

* barbaricum Baehrens : tenuis Butler: praebia Baehrens :
barbara contempnit praelia F., retaining which hebes for
hab^t Scaliger.

344

POEMS

wine. The bull loves to change his valley-pasture, and
the wild beast maintains his zest by change of food.
Even to be bathed in the light of day is pleasant only
because the night-hour races back with altered steeds.

A wife is a burden imposed by law, and should be 5
loved like one's fortune. But I do not wish to love
even my fortime for ever.

Leave thine home, O youth, and seek out alien 6
shores : a larger range of life is ordained for thee. Yield
not to misfortxme ; the far-off Danube shall know thee,
the cold North- wind, and the untroubled kingdoms of
Canopus, and the men who gaze on the new birth of
Phoebus or upon his setting : he that disembarks on
distant sands, becomes thereby the greater man

For there is naught that may not serve the need of 7
mortal men, and in adversitj' despised things help us.
So when a ship sinks, yellow gold weighs down its
possessor, whUe a flimsy oar bears up the shipwrecked
body, ^^1len the trumpets sound, the savage's knife
stands drawn at the rich man's throat; the poor man's
rags wear the amulet of safety.

345

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

81 P.L.M.

8 Parvula securo tegitur mihi culmine sedes
uvaque plena mero fecunda pendet ab ulmo.
Dant rami cerasos^ dant mala rubentia silvae,
Palladiumque nemus pingui se vertice frangit.
lam qua diductos potat levis area fontes,
Coryeium mihi surgit olus maluaeque supinae
et non solTicitos missura papavera somnos.
Praeterea sive alitibus eontexere fraudem
seu magis imbelles libuit circumdare cervos
aut tereti lino pavidum subducere piseem,
hos tantum novere dolos mea sordida rura.
I nunc et vitae fugientis tempora vende
divitibus cenis. Me si manet exitus idem,
hie precor inveniat consumptaque tempora poscat

82 P.L.M.

9 Non satis est quod nos mergit^ furiosa inventus

transversosque rapit fama sepulta probris?
En^ etiam famuli cognataque faece caterva^

inter conrasas luxuriantur opes.*
Vilis servus habet regni bona, cellaque capti

deridet Vestam Romuleamque casam.
Idcirco virtus medio iacet obruta caeno,

nequitiae classes Candida vela ferunt.

83 P.LM.

1 0 Sic et membra solent auras includere ventris,*
quae penitus mersae cum rursus abire laborant,

• mergis V. corr. Buecheler.
2 en L. Miiller: an V.
'caterva Baehrens: sepulti V.

* inter conrasas Baehrens : intesta merassas V.
" ventis V., corr. Rieic.

346

4

POEMS

My little house is covered by a roof that fears no 8
harm, and the grape swollen with vrine hangs from the
fruitful elm. The boughs yield cherries, the orchards
ruddy apples, and the trees sacred to Pallas' break under
the wealth of their branches. And now where the
smooth soil drinks from the runnels of the spring,
Corycian kale springs up for me and creeping mallows,
and the poppy with promise of untroubled sleep.
Moreover, if my pleasure is to lay snares for birds, or
if I choose rather to entrap the timid deer, or draw out
the quivering fish on slender line, so much deceit is all
that is known to my humble fields. Go, then, and
barter the hours of flying life for rich banquets. My
prayer is that since at the last the same end waits for
me, it may find me here, here call me to account for
the time that I have spent.

Is it not enough that mad youth engulfs us, and 9
our good name is sunk in reproach and sweeps us
astray ? Behold ! even bondmen and the rabble that is
kindi'ed to the mire wanton amid our gathered
hoards! The low slave enjoys the treasure of a king-
dom, and the thrall's room shames Vesta and the cot-
tage of Romulus. So goodness lies obscured in the
deep mud, and tiie fleet of the unrighteous carries
snowy sails.

So, too, the body will shut in the belly's wind, 10
which, when it labours to come forth again from its
deep dungeon, prizes forth a way by sharp blows : and

'The olive, which she gave to Athens. By this gift, which
the Gods considered more useful than the horse given by
Poseidon, she became the presiding deity of the city.

S47

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

verberibus rimantur iter ; nee desinit ante
frigidus, adstrictis^ qui regnat in ossibus, hon-or
quam tepidus laxo manavit corpora sudor.

84 P.L.M.

1 1 O litus vita mihi dulcius^ o mare ! felix

cui licet ad terras ire subinde meas !
O formosa dies! hoc quondam rure solebara

Naiadas ' alterna sollicitare manu !
Hie fontis lacus est, illic sinus egerit algas :

haec statio est tacitis fida^ cupidinibus.
Pervixi ; neque enim fortuna malignior unquam

eripiet nobis quod prior hora* dedit.

85 P.L.M.

12 Haec ait et tremulo deduxit vertice canos
consecuitque genas ; oculis nee defuit imber,
sed qualis rapitur per vallis improbus amnis,
cum gelidae periere nives et languidus auster
non patitur glaciem resoluta vivere terra,
gurgite sic pleno facies manavit et alto
insonuit gemitu turbato murmure pectus.

86 P.L.M.

13 Nam citius flammas mortales ore tenebunt
quam secreta tegant. Quicquid dimittis in aula,
effluit et subitis rumoribus oppida pulsat.

Nee satis est vulgasse fidem. Cumulatius exit
proditionis opus famamque onerare laborat

'et frigidus strictis V., corr. Reiske.
» Naiadas Lindenbrog : Iliadas V. alterna . . . manu B
armatas . . . manus V.
» fida Pithoeus : victa V.
* prior hora Scaliger : priora V.

348

1

POEMS

there is no end to the cold shiver which rules the
cramped frame, till a warm sweat bedews and loosens
the body.

O sea-shore and sea more sweet to me than life ! 1 1
Happy am I who may come at once to the lands I
love. O beauteous day ! In this country long ago I
used to rouse the ' Naiads with my hands' alternate
stroke. Here is the fountain's pool, there the sea
washes up its weeds : here is a sure haven for quiet
love. I have had life in full ; for never can harder
fortune take away what was given us in time over-
past.

With these words he tore the white hair from his 12
trembling head, and rent his cheeks; his eyes filled
with tears, and as the impetuous river sweeps down
the valleys when the cold snow has perished, and the
gentle south-wind will not suffer the ice to live on
the unfettered earth, so was his face wet with a full
stream, and his heart rang with the troubled murmur
of deep groaning.

For sooner will men hold fire in their mouths than 1 3
keep a secret. Whatever you let escape you in
your hall flows forth and beats at city walls in sudden
rumours. Nor is the breach of faith the end. The
work of betrayal issues forth with increase, and strives

S49

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Sic commissa verens avidus reserare^ minister _

fodit humum regisque latentes prodidit aures. fl

Concepit nam terra sonos calamique loquentes
incinuere^ Midam, qualem narraverat index.

87 P.L.M.

1 4 Illie alternis depugnat pontus et aer,

hie rivo tenui pervia ridet humus.
lUic demersas^ complorat navita puppes,

hie pastor miti perluit amne peeus. ■

Illie immanes mors obdita* solvit hiatus, 1

hie gaudet curva falee reeisa Ceres.
Illie inter aquas urit sitis arida fauees,

hie data periuro^ basia multa viro.
Naviget et fluetus lasset mendieus Vlixes,

in terris vivet eandida Penelope.

88 P.L.M.

1 5 Qui nolit properare ^ mori nee cogere fata

mollia praeeipiti rumpere fila manu,
haetenus irarum mare noverit. Ecce refuse

gurgite securos obluit unda pedes.
Ecce inter virides iactatur mytilus algas

et rauco trahitur lubrica concha sinu.
Ecce recurrentes qua versat fluetus arenas,

discolor attrita calculus exit humo.
Haec quisquis calcare potest^ in litore tuto
ludat et hoc solum iudicet esse mare.
' verens reserare Fulgentius : ferens . . . seruare V>.
^ incinuere Salmasius : inuenerem V.
^deinersas Baehrens: divisas V,
* obd'ita Baekrens : oblita V.

' data Wernsdorf: da V. periuro probably corrupt : per-
haps quaeque suo Butler.

•nolit Oudendorp: moluitF. properare 7b//»M5; prepare V,

350

POEMS

CO add weight to the report. So was it that the greedy
slave, who feared to unlock his knowledge, dug in the
ground and betrayed the secret of the king's hidden
ears. For the earth brought forth sounds, and the
whispering reeds sang how Midas was even such an
one as the tell-tale had revealed.

There sea and sky struggle and buffet each other, 1 4
here the tiny stream runs through smooth and smiling
country. There the sailor laments for his sunken ship,
here the shepherd dips his flock in the gentle river.
There death confronts and chokes the vast gape of
greed, here the earth laughs to lie low before the
curved sickle. There, with water everywhere, dry
thirst bums the throat, here kisses are given in plenty
to faithless man. Let Ulysses go sail and weary the
waters in beggar's rags : the chaste Penelope dwells
on land.

The man that would not haste to die, nor force the 1 5
Fates to snap the tender threads with impetuous hand,
should know only this much of the sea's anger. Lol
where the tide flows back, and the wave bathes his
feet without peril ! Lo I where the mussel is thrown
up among the green sea-weed, and the hoarse whorl
of the slippery shell is rolled along ! Lo ! where the
wave turns the sands to rush back in the eddy, there
pebbles of many a hue appear on the wave- worn floor.
Let the man who may have these things under his
feet, play safely on the shore, and count this alone to
be the sea.

351

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

89 P.L.M.

1 6 Non est forma satis nee quae vult bella videri

debet vulgari more placere sibi.
Dicta, sales, lusus, sermonis gratia, risus

vincunt naturae candidioris opus.
Condit enim formam quicquid consumitur artis,

et nisi velle ^ subest, gratia nuda perit.

90 P.L.M.

17 Sic contra rerum naturae munera notae

corvus maturis frugibus ova refert.
Sic format lingua fetum cum protulit ursa

et piscis nullo iunctus amore parit.
Sic Phoebea chelys nutu^ resoluta parentis

Lucinae tepidis naribus ova fovet.
Sic sine concubitu textis apis excita ceris

fervet et audaci milite castra replet.
Non uno contenta valet natura tenore,

sed permutatas gaudet habere vices.

91 P.L.M.

1 8 Indica purpureo genuit me litore tellus,

candidus accenso qua redit orbe dies.
Hie ego divinos inter geueratus honores

mutavi Latio barbara verba sono.
lam dimitte tuos. Paean o Delphice, cycnos:

dignior haec vox est, quae tua templa colat.

• The first couplet is to be found in Fulgentius, Myth. I, i2,

p. 44.

2 velle subest probably corrupt: sal suberit Baehrens.
»nutu Butler: victo W: viiiclo Binetus.

852

POEMS

Outward beauty is not enough, and the woman who 1 6
would appear fair must not' be content with any com-
mon msftmer. Words, wit, play, sweet talk and laugh-
ter, surpass the work of too simple nature. For all
expense of art seasons beauty, and naked loveliness is
wasted all in vain, if it have not the will to please.

So, contrary to the known operations of nature, the 1 7
raven lays her eggs when the crops are ripe. So the
she-bear shapes her cubs with her tongue, and the
fish is ignorant of love's embrace, yet brings forth
young. So the tortoise, sacred to Phoebus, delivered
by the "will of mother Lucina, hatches her eggs with
the warmth of her nostrils. So the bee, begotten
without wedlock from the woven cells, throbs Avith
life and fills her camp with bold soldiery. The strength
of nature lies not in holding on one even way, but she
loves to change the fashion of her laws.

My^ birthplace was India's glowing shore, where the 1 8
day returns in brilliance with fiery orb. Here I was
bom amid the worship of the gods, and exchanged
my barbaric speech for the Latin tongue. O healer of
Delphi, now dismiss thy swans ; here is a voice more
worthy to dwell within thy temple.

^ A parrot is speaking^.
AA S5S

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

92 P.L.M.
1 9 Naufragus electa nudus rate quaerit eodem

percussum telo^ cui sua fata fleat.^
Grandine qui segetes et totum perdidit annum,

in simili deflet tristia fata sinu.
Funera conciliant miseros, orbique parentes

coniungunt gemitus et facit hora pares.
Nos quoque confusis feriemus sidera verbis ;

fama est coniunctas^ fortius ire preces.

93 P.L.M.

20 Aurea mala mihi, dulcis mea Martia^ mittis,

mittis et hirsutae munera castaneae.
Omnia grata putem, sed si magis ipsa venire

ornares donum, pulcra puella, tuum.
Tu licet apportes stringentia mala palatum,

tristia mandenti est melleus ore sapor.
At si dissimulas, multum mihi cara, venire,

oscula cum pomis mitte ; vorabo libens.

94 RL.M.

21 Si Phoebi soror es, mando tibi, Delia, causam,

scilicet ut fratri quae peto verba feras :
"Marmore Sicanio struxi tibi, Delphice, templum

et levibus calamis Candida verba dedi.
Nunc si nos audis atque es divinus, Apollo,

die mihi, qui nummos non habet, unde petat."

*Reait Jacobs: legat W.

* fama est coniunctas Butler : et fama est constans W.

S54

1

POEMS

The sailor, naked from the shipwreck, seeks out a 19
comrade stricken by the same blow to whom he may
bewaU his fate. The farmer who has lost his crops and
the whole year's fruits in the hail, weeps his sad lot
on a bosom wounded like his ovm. Death draws the
unhappy together ; bereaved parents utter their groans
with one voice^ and the moment makes them equal.
We too will strike the stars with words in unison;
the saying is that prayers travel more strongly when
imited.

You send me golden apples, my sweet Martia, and 20
you send me the fruit of the shaggy chestnut. Believe
me, I would love them all; but should you choose
rather to come in person, lovely girl, you would
beautify .your gift. Come, if you will, and lay sour
apples to my tongue, the sharp flavour will be like
honey as I bite. But if you feign you will not come,
dearest, send kisses with the apples ; then gladly will
I devour them.

If you are sister to Phoebus, Delia, I entrust my 21
petition to you, that you may carry to your brother
the words of my prayer, God of Delphi, I have
built for you a temple of Sicilian marble, and have
given you fair words of song from a slender pipe of
reed. Now if you hear us, Apollo, and are indeed
divine, tell me where a man who has no money is to
find it."

aa2 555

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

95 P.LM.
22 Omnia quae miseras possunt finire querellas,

in promptu voluit candidus esse deus.
Vile holus et duris haerentia mora rubetis

pungentis^ stomachi composuere famem.
Flumine vicino stultus sitit, et riget^ euro

cum calidus tepido consonat igne focus^
Lex armata sedet circum fera limina nuptae :

nil metuit licito fusa puella toro.
Quod satiare potest dives natura ministrat;

quod docet infrenis* gloria fine caret.

96 P.L.M.

23 Militis in galea nidum fecere columbae:
apparet Marti quam sit amica Venus.

97 P.L.M.

44 ludaeus licet et porcinum numen adoret
et caeli summas advocet auriculas,

ni tamen et ferro succiderit inguinis oram
et nisi nodatum solvent arte caput,

exemptus populo sacra^ migrabit ab urbe
et non ieiuna sabbata lege premet.^

98 P.L.M.

25 Una est nobilitas argumentumque colons
ingenui timidas non habuisse manus.

' pungentis Dousa : pugnantis W,
2 et riget Binet : effugit W.

* focus Buecheler : rogus W.

* infrenis Btnei : inferius W.
^ sacra. Bae/irens : graia W.

•premet W., perhaps corrupt : tremet Buecheler.

i56

POEMS

Honest Heaven ordained that all things which can 22
end our wretched complaints should be ready to hand.
Common green herbs and the berries that grow on
rough brambles allay the gnawing hunger of the belly.
A fool is he who goes thirsty with a river close by,
and shivers in the east wind while a blazing fire roars
on the warm hearth. The law sits armed by the
threshold of a wanton bride ; the girl who lies on a
lawful bed knows no fear. The wealth of nature gives
us enough for our fill: that which unbridled vanity
teaches us to pursue has no end to it.

Doves have made a nest in the soldier's helmet : 2S
see how Venus loveth Mars.

The Jew may worship his pig-god and clamour in 24
the ears of high heaven, but unless he also cuts back
his foreskin with the knife, he shall go forth from the
holy city cast forth from the people, and transgress
the sabbath by breaking the law of fasting.

This is the one nobility and proof of honourable 25
estate, that a man's hands have shown no fear.

S57

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITEH

99 RL.M.

26 Lecto compositus vix prima silentia noctis

carpebam et somno lumina victa dabam^
cum me savus Amor prensat^ sursumque capillis

excitat et lacerum pervigilare iubet.
Tu famulus meus/' inquit, ames cum mille puellas,

solus, io, solus, dure, iacere potes?"
Exsilio et pedibus nudis tunieaque soluta

omne iter ingredior,^ nullum iter expedio.
Nunc propero, nunc ire piget, rursumque redire

paenitet, et pudor est stare via media.
Ecce tacent voces hominum strepitusque viarum

et volucrum cantus fidaque turba canum;
solus ego ex cunctis paveo somnumque torumque,

et sequor imperium, magne Cupido, tuum.

100 P.L.M.

27 Sit nox ilia diu nobis dilecta, Nealce,

quae te prima meo pectore composuit :
sit torus et lecti genius secretaque lampas,^

quis tenera in nostrum veneris arbitrium.
Ergo age duremus, quamvis adoleverit aetas,

utamurque annis quos mora parva teret.
Fas et iura sinunt veteres extendere amores ;

fac cito quod coeptum est, non cito desinere.

101 RL.M.

28 Foeda est in coitu et brevis voluptas
et taedet Veneris statim peractae.
Non ergo ut pecudes libidinosae
caeci protinus irruamus illuc

(nam languescit amor peritque flamma) ;
' prensat Oudendorp : prensum W,
^ ingredior Riese : impedio W^
* lampas Buecheler : longa W,

358

POEMS

At rest in bed, I had scarce begun to enjoy the first 26
silence of night, and to give up my conquered eyes
to sleep, when fierce Love took hold of me and drew
me up by the hair, and tore me, bidding me watch
till day. Ah, my slave," he said, "thou lover of
a thousand girls, canst thou lie alone here, alone, oh
hard of heart?" I leaped up, and with bare feet and
disordered raiment started on every path and found
a way by none. Now I run, now to move is weariness:
I repent of turning back, and am ashamed to halt in
the midst of the road. Lo, the voices of men and the
roar of the streets, the singing of birds and the faith-
fill company of watchdogs are all silent. I alone of all
men dread both sleep and my bed, and follow thy
command, great Lord of desire.

Long may that night be dear to us, Nealce, that 27
first laid you to rest upon my heart. Dear be the
bed and the genius of the couch, and the silent lamp
that saw you come softly to do our pleasure. Come,
then, let us endure though we have gro^vn older, and
employ the years which a brief delay will blot out
It is lawful and right to prolong an old love : grant
that what we began in haste may not hastily be
ended.

The pleasure of the act of love is gross and brief, 28
and love once consummated brings loathing after it.
Let us then not rush blindly thither straightway like
lustful beasts, for love sickens and the flame dies
down ; but even so, even so, let us keep eternal holi-

859

riTUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

sed sic sic sine fine feriati

et tecum iaceamus osculantes.

Hie nullus labor est ruborque nullus ;

hoc iuvit, iuvat et diu iuvabit ;

hoc non deficit incipitque semper.

102 P.L.M.

29 Accusare et amare tempore uno
ipsi vix fuit Herculi ferendum.

120 P.L.M.

30 Fallunt nos oculi vagi que sensus
oppressa ratione mentiuntur.

Nam turris prope quae quadrata surgit,
detritis pi'ocul angulis rotatur.
Hyblaeum refugit satur liquorem
et naris casiam frequenter odit.
Hoc illo magis aut minus placere
non posset nisi hte destinata
pugnarent dubio tenore sensus.

121 P.L.M.

SI Somnia quae mentes ludunt volitantibus umbris,
non delubra deum nee ab aethere numina mittunt,
sed sibi quisque facit. Nam cum prostrata sopore
urget membra quies et mens sine pondere ludit,
quidquid luce fuit tenebris agit. Oppida bello
qui quatit et flammis miserandas eruit urbes,
tela videt versasque acies et funera regum
atque exundantes profuso sanguine campos.
Qui causas orare solent, legesque forumque
et pavidi cernunt inclusum chorte^ tribunal.
Condit avarus opes defossumque invenit aurum.

* chorte Mommsen : coide E.
S60

POEMS

day, and lie with thy Hps to mine. No toil is here and
no shame : in tliis, delight has been, and is, and long
shall be ; in this there is no diminution, but a begin-
ning everlastingly.

To love and accuse at one time were a labour 29
Hercules himself could scarce have borne.

Our eyes deceive us, and our wandering senses 30
weigh down our reason and tell us falsehoods. For
the tower which stands almost four-square has its
corners blunted at a distance and becomes rounded.
The full stomach turns from the honey of Hybla, and
the nose often hates the scent of cinnamon. One
thing could not please us more or less than another,
unless the senses strove in set conflict with wavering
balance.

It is not the shrines of the gods, nor the powers of 31
the air, that send the dreams which mock the mind
with flitting shadows; each man makes dreams for
himself. For when rest lies about the limbs subdued
by sleep, and the mind plays with no weight upon
it, it pursues in the darkness whatever was its task
by daylight. The man who makes towns tremble in
war, and overwhelms unhappy cities in flame, sees
arms, and routed hosts, and the deaths of kings, and
plains streaming with outpoured blood. They whose
life is to plead cases have statutes and the courts
before their eyes, and look with terror upon the
judgement-seat surrounded by a throng. The miser
hides his gains and discovers buried treasure.

361

TITUS PETRONIUS ARBITER

Venator saltus canibus quatit. Eripit undis
aut premit eversam periturus navita puppem.
Scribit amatori meretrix, dat adultera munus :
et canis in somnis leporis vestigia lustrat.
In noctis spatium miserorum vulnera durant.

362

POEMS

The hunter shakes the woods with his pack. The
sailor snatches his shipwrecked bark from the waves,
or grips it in death-agony.' The woman -^mtes to her
lover, the adulteress yields herself: and the dog follows
the tracks of the hare as he sleeps. The wounds of
the unhappy endure into the night-season.

S6S

SENECAE
AnOKOAOKl-NTOSIS DIVI CLAUDII

INTRODUCTION

This piece is ascribed to Seneca by ancient tradirion ;
it is impossible to prove that it is his, and impossible
to prove that it is not. The matter mil probably con-
tinue to be decided by every one according to his
view of Seneca's character and abilities : in the mat-
ters of style and of sentiment much may be said on
both sides. Dion Cassius (ix, 35) says that Seneca
composed an dTroKoAoKrvroxrts or Pumpkinification ot
Claudius after his death, the title being a parody of
the usual aTrodiiixris ; but this title is not given in the
MSS. of the Ludus de Morte Claudii, nor is there any-
thing in the piece which suits the title very well.

As a literary form, the piece belongs to the class
called Satura Menippea, a satiric medley in prose and
verse.

This text is that of Buecheler, with a few trifling
changes, which are indicated in the notes. We have
been courteously allowed by Messrs Weidmann to use
this text. I have to acknowledge the help of Mr Ball's
notes, from which I have taken a few references ; but
my translation was made many years ago.

VV. H. D. RousB.

S67

I

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Editio Princeps : Lucii Annaei Senecae in morte
Claudii Caesaris Ludus nuper repertus: Rome,
1513.

Latest critical text : Franz Buecheler, Weidmann, 1904
(a reprint with a few changes of the text from
a larger work, Divi Claudii 'ATroKoXoKuvroxris in
the Symbola Philologorum Bonnensium, fasc. i,
1864).

Translations and helps: The Satire of Seneca on the
Apotheosis of Claudius, by A. P. Ball (with intro-
duction, notes, and translations): New York:
Columbia University Press; London, Macmillan,
1902.

BE 969

SENECAE APOCOLOCYNTOSIS DIVI CLAUDII

Quid actum sit in caelo ante diem III idus Octobris

anno novo, initio saeculi felicissimi, volo memoriae tra-

dere. Nihil nee ofFensae nee gratiae dabitur. Haec ita

vera. Si quis quaesiverit unde sciam, primum, si no-

luero, non respondebo. Quis coacturus est? Ego scio

me liberum factum, ex quo suum diem obiit ille, qui

verum proverbium fecerat, aut regem aut fatuum

nasci oportere. Si libuerit respondere, dicam quod

mihi in buccam venerit. Quis unquam ab historico

iuratores exegit? Tamen si necesse fuerit auctorem

producere, quaerito ab eo qui Drusillam euntem in

caelum vidit : idem Claudium vidisse se dicet iter faci-

entem non passibus acquis." Velit nolit, necesse est

illi omnia videre, quae in caelo aguntur : Appiae viae

curator est, qua scis et divum Augustum et Tiberium

Caesarem ad decs isse. Hunc si interrogaveris, soli

narrabit: coram pluribus nunquam verbum faciet.

Nam ex quo in senatu iuravit se Drusillam vidisse

caelum ascendentem et illi pro tam bono nuntio nemo

credidit, quod viderit, verbis conceptis affirmavit se

non indicaturum, etiam si in medio foro hominem
370

SENECA

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS, OR LUDUS DE MORTE
CLAUDII: THE PUMPKINIFICATION OF
CLAUDIUS.

I wish to place on record the proceedings in heaven 1
October 1 3 last, of the new year which begins this
auspicious age. It shall be done without malice or
favour. This is the truth. Ask if you Hke how I
know it ? To begin with, I am not bound to please
you -with my answer. Who will compel me ? I know
the same day made me free, which was the last day
for him who made the proverb true — One must be
bom either a Pharaoh or a fool. If I choose to an-
swer, I will say whatever trips off my tongue. Who
has ever made the historian produce witness to swear
for him? But if an authority must be produced, ask
of the man who saw Drusilla translated to heaven :
the same man will aver he saw Claudius on the road, J^j.
dot and carry one. Will he nill he, all that happens in 724
heaven he needs must see. He is the custodian of the
Appian W^ay ; by that route, you know, both Tiberius
and Augustus went up to the gods Question him,
he will tell you the tale when you are alone ; before
company he is dumb. You see he swore in the Senate
that he beheld Drusilla mounting heavenwards, and
all he got for his good news was that everybody gave
him the lie: since when he solemnly swears he will
never bear witness again to what he has seen, not even
if he had seen a man murdered in open market. Wliat
bb9 371

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
occisum vidisset. Ab hoc ego quae turn audivi, carta
clara afFero, ita ilium salvum et felicem habeam.

2 lam Phoebus breviore via contraxerat ortum

lucis, et obscuri crescebant tempora somni,
iamque suum victrix augebat Cynthia regnum,
et deformis hiemps gratos carpebat honores
divitis autumni, iussoque senescere Baccho
carpebat raras serus vindemitor uvas.

, Puto magis intellegi, si dixero : mensis erat October,
dies III idus Octobris. Horam non possum certam
tibi dicere, facilius inter philosophos quam inter horo-
logia conveniet, tamen inter sextam et septimam erat.
Nimis rustice" inquies: cum omnes poetae^ non
contenti ortus et occasus describere, ut etiam medium
diem inquietent^ tu sic transibis horam tam bonam?"

lam medium curru Phoebus diviserat orbem
et propior nocti fessas quatiebat habenas
obliquo flexam deducens tramite lucem :

S Claudius animam agere coepit nee invenire exitum

poterat. Turn Mercurius^ qui semper ingenio eius

delectatus esset, unam e tribus Parcis seducit et ait:

Quid, femina crudelissima, hominem miserum tor-

queri pateris? Nee unquam tam diu cruciatus cesset?

*So MSS: Buecheler orbem ufuiecessarily.
S72

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

he told me I report plain and clear, as I hope for his
health and happiness.

Now had the sun with shorter course drawn in his 2

risen light.
And by equivalent degrees grew the dark hours of

night :
Victorious Cynthia now held sway over a wider space.
Grim winter drove rich autumn out, and now usurped

his place;
And now the fiat had gone forth that Bacchus must

grow old.
The few last clusters of the vine were gathered ere

the cold:

I shall make myself better understood, if I say the
month was October, the day was the thirteenth.
What hour it was I cannot certainly tell ; philosophers
will agree more often than clocks ; but it was between
midday and one after noon. Clumsy creature! ""you
say. ' The poets are not content to describe sunrise
and sunset, and now they even disturb the midday
siesta. Will you thus neglect so good an hour?"

Now the sun's chariot had gone by the middle of his

way;
Half wearily he shook the reins, nearer to night than

day.
And led the light along the slope that down before

him lay.

Claudius began to breathe his last, and could not 3
make an end of the matter. Then Mercury, who had
always been much pleased with his wit, drew aside
one of the three Fates, and said : Cruel beldame,
why do you let the poor wretch be tormented ? After

S7S

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECa
Annus sexagesimus quartus est, ex quo cum anima
luctatur. Quid huic et rei publicae invides? Patera
mathematieosaliquando verum dicere, qui ilium, ex quo
princeps factus est, omnibus annis, omnibus mensibus
efFerunt. Et tamen non est mirum si errant et horam
eius nemo novit; nemo enim unquam ilium natum
putavit. Fac quod faciendum est:

Dede neci, melior vacua sine regnet in aula.' "

Sed Clotho ego mehercules" inquit pusillum tem-
poris adicere illi volebam, dum hos pauculos, qui
supersunt, civitate donaret (constituerat enim omnes
Graecos, Gallos, Hispanos, Britannos togatos videre)
sed 'quoniam placet aliquos peregrinos in semen relin-
qui et tu ita iubes fieri, fiat." Aperit turn capsulam et
tres fiisos profert : unus erat Augurini, alter Babae,
tertius Claudii. Hos" inquit tres uno anno exiguis
intervallis temporum divisos mori iubebo, nee ilium
incomitatum dimittam. Non oportet enim eum, qui
modo se tot milia hominum sequentia videbat, tot
praecedentia, tot circumfusa, subito solum destitui.
Contentus erit his interim convictoribus."

Haec ait et turpi convolvens stamina fuse
abrupit stolidae regalia tempora vitae.
374

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

all this torture cannot he have a rest ? Four and sixty
years it is now since he began to pant for breath.
What grudge is this you bear against him and the
whole empire? Do let the astrologers tell the truth
for once ; since he became emperor, they have never
let a year pass, never a month, without laying him
out for his burial. Yet it is no wonder if they are
wrong, and no one knows his hour. Nobody ever be-
lieved he was really quite born.^ Do what has to be
done: Kill him, and let a better man rule in his^»'"^-
empty court." iv^^

Clotho replied: Upon my word, I did wish to
give him another hour or two, until he should make
Roman citizens of the half dozen who are still out-
siders. (He made up his mind, you know, to see the
whole world in the toga, Greeks, Gauls, Spaniards,
Britons, and all.) But since it is your pleasure to
leave a few foreigners for seed, and since you com-
mand me, so be it." She opened her box and out
came three spindles. One was for Augurinus, one
for Baba, one for Claudius.^ These three," she says,
I will cause to die -within one year and at no great
distance apart, and I will not dismiss him unattended.
Think of all the thousands of men he was wont to see
following after him, thousands going before, thousands
all crowding about him; and it would never do to
leave him alone on a sudden. These boon companions
will satisfy him for the nonce."

This said, she twists the thread around his ugly spindle 4

once.
Snaps off the last bit of the life of that Imperial dunce.

'A proverb for a nobody, as Petron. 58 qui te natum mm
pufat.

'Augurinus: unknown, Baba: see Sen. Ep. 159, a fool.

375

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
At Lachesis redimita comas, ornata capillos,
Pieria crinem lauro frontemque coronans,
Candida de niveo subtemina vellere sumit
felici moderanda manu, quae ducta colorem
assumpsere novum. Mirantur pensa sorores:
mutatur vilis pretioso lana metallo,
aiirea formoso descendunt saeeula filo.
Nee modus est illis, felicia vellera ducunt
et gaudent implere manus, sunt dulcia pensa.
Sponte sua festinat opus nulloque labore
mollia contorto descendunt stamina fuse.
Vincunt Titlioni, vincunt et Nestoris annos.
Phoebus adest cantuque iuvat gaudetque futuris,
et laetus nunc plectra movet, nunc pensa
ministrat.

Detinet intentas cantu fallitque laborem,

Dumque nimis citharam fratemaque carmina

laudant,

plus solito nevere manus, humanaque fata

laudatum transcendit opus. Ne demite, Parcae"

Phoebus ait vincat mortalis tempora vitae
376

apocolocyntosis

But Lachesis, her hair adorned, her tresses neatly

bound,
Pierian laurel on her locks', her brows with garlands

cToymed,
Plucks me from out the snowy wool new threads as

white as snow.
Which handled with a happy touch change colour as

they go.
Not common wool, but golden wire ; the Sisters won-
dering gaze.
As age by age the pretty thread runs down the golden

days.
World without end they spin away, the happy fleeces

pull;
What joy they take to fill their hands with that de-
lightful wool !
Indeed, the task performs itself: no toil the spinners

know:
Down drops the soft and silken thread as round the

spindles go;
Fewer than these are Tithon's years, not Nestor's life

so long.
Phoebus is present : glad he is to sing a merry song ;
Now helps the work, now full of hope upon the harp

doth play;
The Sisters listen to the song that charms their toil

away.
They praise their brother's melodies, and still the

spindles run,
Till more than man's allotted span the busy hands

have spun.
Then Phoebus says, O sister Fates ! I pray take none

away,
But suffer this one life to be longer than mortal day,

377

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
ille, mihi similis vultu similisque decore
nee cantu nee voee minor. Felicia lassis
saecula praestabit legumque silentia rumpet.
Qualis diseutiens fugientia Lueifer astra
aut qualis surgit redeuntibus Hesperus astris,
qualis cum primum tenebris Aurora solutis
induxit rubicunda diem^ Sol aspicit orbem
lucidus, at primes a ear cere coneitat axes :
talis Caesar adest, talem iam Roma Neronem
aspieiet. Flagrat nitidus fulgore remisso
vultus^ et adfuso cervix formosa eapillo."

haee Apollo. At Lachesis, quae et ipsa homini for-
mosissimo faveret, fecit illud plena manu, et Neroni
multos annos de suo donat. Claudium autem iubent
omnes

Xaipovras, ev4>r)ixovvTa'i eKTrefiTreiv SofKOV.

Et ille quidem animam ebulliit, et ex eo desiit vivere
videri. Exspiravit autem dum eomoedos audita ut
scias me non sine causa illos timere. Ultima vox eius
haec inter homines audita est, cum maiorem sonitum

1 A fragment from the Cresphontes of Euripides (Nauck,
452)-

378

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

Like me in face and lovely grace, like me in voice and

song,
He'll bid the laws at lengthrspeak out that have been

dumb so long,
Will give unto the weary world years prosperous and

bright
Like as the daystar from on high scatters the stars of

night.
As, when the stars return again, clear Hesper brings

his Ught,
Or as the ruddy dawn drives out the dark, and brings

the day,
As the bright sun looks on the world, and speeds along

its way
His rising car from morning's gates: so Caesar doth

arise,
So Nero shows his face to Rome before the people's

eyes;
His bright and shining countenance illumines all the air.
While down upon his graceful neck fall rippling waves

of hair."

Thus Apollo. But Lachesis, quite as ready to cast a
favourable eye on a handsome man, spins away by the
handful, and bestows years and years upn^n Nero out
of her own pocket. As for Claudius, they tell e verj'body
to speed him on his way
With cries of joy and solemn litany.

At once he bubbled up the ghost, and there was an
end to that shadow of a life. He was listening to a
troupe of comedians when he died, so you see I have
reason to fear those gentry. The last words he was
heard to speak in this world were these. \Mien he had
made a great noise with that part of him which talked

379

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
emisisset ilia parte, qua facilius loquebatur : vae me,
puto, concacavi me." Quod an fecerit, nescio: omnia
certe concacavit.

Quae in terris postea sint acta, supervacuum est
referre. Scitis enim optime, nee periculum est ne
excidant memoriae quae gaudium publicum impres-
serit : nemo felicitatis suae obliviscitur. In eaelo
quae acta sint, audite : fides penes auctorem erit.
Nuntiatur lovi venisse quendam bonae staturae, bene
canum ; nescio quid ilium minari, assidue enim^ caput
movere ; pedem dextrum trahere. Quaesisse se, cuius
nationis esset : respondisse nescio quid perturbato
sono et voce confusa ; non intellegere se linguam eius,
nee Graecum esse nee Romanum nee ullius gentis
notae. Tum luppiter Herculem, qui totum orbem
terrarum pererraverat et nosse videbatur omnes nati-
ones, iubet ire et explorare, quorum hominum esset.
Tum Hercules primo aspectu sane perturbatus est, ut
qui etiam non omnia monstra timuerit. Ut vidit novi
generis faciem, insolitum incessum, vocem nullius
terrestris animalis sed qualis esse marinis beluis solet,
raucam et implicatam, putavit sibi tertium decimum
laborem venisse. Diligentius intuenti visus est quasi
homo. Accessit itaque et quod facillimum fuit Grae-
culo, ait :

Tt's TToOev eis avSpwv, ttoOc rot TroAi? tjSe tok^£s;
380

i^POCOLOCYNTOSIS

easiest, he cried out, "Oh dear, oh dear! I think I
have made a mess of mjself." WTiether he did or no,
I cannot say, but certain it "is he always did make a
mess of everything.

What happened next on earth it is mere waste of 5
time to tell, for you know it all well enough, and
there is no fear of your ever forgetting the impression
which that public rejoicing made on your memory.
No one forgets his own happiness. WTiat happened
in heaven you shall hear : for proof please apply to my
informant. Word comes to Jupiter that a stranger
had arrived, a man of fair height and hair well sprinkled
with grey ; he seemed to be threatening something,
for he wagged his head ceaselessly; he dragged the
right foot. They asked him what nation he was of;
he answered something in a confused mumbling
voice: his language they did not understand. He
was no Greek and no Roman, nor of any known race.
On this Jupiter bids Hercules go and find out what
country he comes from ; you see Hercules had travelled
over the whole world, and might be expected to know
all the nations in it. But Hercules, the first glimpse he
got, was really much taken aback, although not all
the monsters in the world could frighten him ; when
he saw this new kind of object, with its extraordinary
gait, and the voice of no terrestrial beast, but such
as you might hear in the leviathans of the deep,
hoarse and inarticulate, he thought his thirteenth
labour had come upon him. \\Tien he looked closer,
the thing seemed to be a kind of man. Up he goes,
then, and says what your Greek finds readiest to his
tongue :

Who art tliou, and what thy people ? Who thy od. i, 17
parents, where thy home?"

38)

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
Claudius gaudet esse illic philologos homines, sperat
futurum aliquem historiis suis locum. Itaque et ipse
Homerico versa Caesarem se esse signihcans ait :

IXioOev fi€ <f>ep<j}v avefios KtKovecro-t viXacra-ev.

Erat autem sequens versus verier, aeque Homericus :

€v6a 8' eyui ttoAiv tirpaOov, wAecra S" avTovs.

6 Et imposuerat Herculi minime vafro, nisi fuisset illic
Febris, quae fane suo relicto sola cum illo venerat :
ceteros omnes deos Romae reliquerat. " Iste " inquit
mera mendacia narrat. Ego tibi dico, quae cum illo
tot annis vixi : Luguduni natus est, Marci municipem
J vides. Quod tibi narro, ad sextum decimum lapidem
natus est a Vienna, Gallus germanus. Itaque quod
Galium facere oportebat, Romam cepit. Hunc ego
tibi recipio Luguduni natum, ubi Licinus multis annis
regnavit. Tu autem, qui plura loca calcasti quam ullus
mulio perpetuarius, Lugudunenses scire debes, et^
multa milia inter Xanthum et Rhodanum interesse."
Excandescit hoc loco Claudius et quanto potest mur-
mure irascitur. Quid diceret, nemo intellegebat, ille
autem Febrim duci iubebat, illo gestu solutae manus

^ Buecheler Licinusyb^ Licinius.

• Buecheler omits et withoneMS. andbracketshu^udnncasts.

382

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

Claudius was delighted to find literary men in that
place, and began to hope there might be some comer
for his own historical works'. So he caps him with
another Homeric verse, explaining that he was Caesar :

'Breezes wafted me from Ilion unto the Ciconian od. «, S9
land."

But the next verse was more true, and no less
Homeric :

'Thither come, I sacked a city, slew the people
every one."

He would have taken in poor simple Hercules, but 6
that Our Lady of Malaria was there, who left her
temple and came alone with him : all the other gods
he had left at Rome. Quoth she. The fellow's tale
is nothing but lies. I have lived with him all these
years, and I tell you, he was born at Lyons. You behold
a fellow-burgess of Marcus.^ As 1 say, he was bom
at the sixteenth milestone from Vienne, a native Gaul.
So of course he took Rome, as a good Gaul ought to
do. I pledge you my word that in Lyons he was
bom, where Licinus^ was king so many years. But
you that have trudged over more roads than any
muleteer that pUes for hire, you must have come across
the people of Lyons, and you must know that it is a
far cry from Xanthus to the Rhone." At this point
Claudius flared up, and expressed his wrath with as
big a growl as he could manage. What he said
nobody understood; as a matter of fact, he was
ordering my lady of Fever to be taken away, and
making that sign with his trembling hand (which

' Reference unknown.

'A Gallic slave, appointed by Augustus Procurator of Gallia
Lugndunensis, when he made himself notorious by his ex-
tortions. See Dion Cass, liv, 21.

383

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
et ad hoc unum satis firmae, quo decollare homines
7 solebat, iusserat ilH collum praecidi. Putares omnes
ilHus esse Hbertos : adeo ilium nemo curabat. Turn
Hercules audi me " inquit tu desine fatuari. Venisti
huCj ubi mures ferrum rodunt. Citius mihi verum, ne
tibi alogias excutiam." Et quo terribilior esset, tragi-
cus fit et ait :

exprome propere, sede qua genitus cluas,
hoc ne peremptus stipite ad terram accidas;
haec clava reges saepe mactavit feros.
Quid nunc profatu vocis incerto sonas ?
Quae patria, quae gens mobile eduxit caput ?
Edissere. Equidem regna tergemini petens
longinqua regis, unde ab Hesperio mari
Inachiam ad urbem nobile advexi pecus,
vidi duobus imminens fluviis iugum,
quod Phoebus ortu semper obverso videt,
ubi Rhodanus ingens amne praerapido fluit,
Ararque dubitans, quo suos cursus agat,
tacitus quietis adluit ripas vadis.
Estne ilia tellus spiritus altrix tui?"

Haec satis animose et fortiter, nihilo minus mentis
S84

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

was always steady enough for that, if for nothing
else) by which he used to decapitate men. He had
ordered her head to be chcJpped off. For all the
notice the others took of him, they might have been
his own freedmen.

Then Hercules said, You just listen to me, and
stop playing the fool. You have come to the place
where the mice nibble iron.^ Out with the truth, and
look sharp, or I'll knock your quips and quiddities out
of you." Then to make himself all the more awful,
he strikes an attitude and proceeds in his most tragic
vein:

Declare with speed what spot you claim by birth.

Or with this club fall stricken to the earth I

This club hath ofttimes slaughtered haughty kings !

\N'hy mumble unintelhgible things?

What land, what tribe produced that shaking head?

Declare it I On my journey when I sped

Far to the Kingdom of the triple King,

And from the Main Hesperian did bring

The goodly cattle to the Argive town.

There I beheld a mountain looking down

Upon two rivers : this the Sun espies

Right opposite each day he doth arise.

Hence, mighty Rhone, thy rapid torrents flow.

And Arar, much in doubt which way to go,

Ripples along the banks with shallow roll.

Say, is this land the nurse that bred thy soul?"

These lines he delivered with much spirit and a bold
front. All the same, he was not quite master of his

'A proverb, found also in Herondas iii, 76 : apparently fairy»

land, the land of Nowhere.

CO S85

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA

suae non est et timet ixwpov ivXriy-qv. Claudius ut vidit
virum valentem, oblitus nugarum intellexit neminem
Romae sibi parem fuisse, illic non habere se idem gra-
tiae : gallum in suo sterquilino plurimum posse. Itaque
quantum intellegi potuit, haec visus est dicere : Ego
te, fortissime deorum Hercule, speravi mihi adfuturum
apud alios, et si qui a me notorem petisset, te fui
nominaturus, qui me optime nosti. Nam si memoria
repetis, ego eram qui tibi^ ante templum tuum ius
dicebam totis diebus mense lulio et Augusto. Tu scis,
quantum illic miseriarum tulerim, cum causidicos audi-
rem diem et noctem, in quos si incidisses, valde fortis
licet tibi videaris, maluisses cloacas Augeae purgare:
multo plus ego stercoris exhausi. Sed quoniam volo"
"Non mirum quod in curiam impetum fecisti: nihil
tibi clausi est. Modo die nobis, qualem deum istum
fieri velis. ' ETrtKorpetos ^eos non potest esse : ovrf.
avThs TTpayixa «x^^ '''' ovre aXXois irapexft; Stoicus?
Quomodo potest rotundus ' esse, ut ait Varro, sine
capite, sine praeputio ' ? Est aliquid in illo Stoici dei,
iam video : nee cor nee caput habet. Si mehercules
a Saturno petisset hoc beneficium, cuius mensem toto
anno celebravit, Saturnalicius princeps, non tulisset
illud, nedum ab love, quern quantum quidem in illo
^So MSS. Buecheler reads Tiburi, quoting Suet. Aug. •^2.

' A parody of the phrase, ^eoO irXr^yf], gfod's blow, or as in
Apostolius viii, 89, C, deov 5k irXrjyTjv oix {nrepTri]d$ /3/5or6s (from
Menander) : no mortal can escape god's blow.

^Galium means both Gaul and cock; the proverb plays on
his birthplace.

^Compare Diogenes Laertius x, i^girb fiaKapiov Kai S,(p9apTov
oih-e airrS irpdyfxd ti ^x" 0^^ dWcj) Trap^et: *' The Blessed and
Incorruptible neither itself has trouble nor causes trouble to
another."

*Author 01 Saturae Menippeae (now lost), which no doubt
burlesqued the Stoic " perfect man,'Vo^w5 teres ataue rotundus.

386

I

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

wits, and had some fear of a blow from the fool.^
Claudius, seeing a mighty man before him, forgot his
trifling and understood that here he had not quite the
same pre-eminence as at Rome, where no one was his
equal: the Gallic cock' was worth most on his own
dunghill. So this is what he was thought to say, as
far as could be made out: I did hope, Hercules,
bravest of all the gods, that you would take my part
with the rest, and if I should need a voucher, that I
might name you who know me so well. Do but call
it to mind, how it was I used to sit in judgment before
your temple whole days together during July and
August You know what miseries I endured there, in
hearing the lawyers plead day and night. If you had
fallen amongst these, you may think yourself very
strong, but you would have found it worse than the
sewers of Augeas : I drained out more filth than you
did. But since I want ..."

(Some pages have fallen out, in which Hercules
must have been persuaded. The gods are now discus-
sing what Hercules tells them).

"No wonder you have forced your way into the 8
Senate House : no bars or bolts can hold against you.
Only do say what species of god you want the fellow
to be made. An Epicurean god he cannot be : for
they take no trouble and cause none.^ A Stoic,
then ? How can he be globular, as Varro * says, with-
out a head or any other projection ? There is in him
something of the Stoic god, as I can see now : he has
neither heart nor head. Upon my word, if he had
asked this boon from Saturn, he would not have got
it, though he kept up Saturn's feast all the year round,
a truly SatumaUan prince. A likely thing he will get
it from Jove, whom he condemned for incest as far as
cc2 387

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
fuit, damnavit incesti. Silanum enim generum suum
occidit propterea quod sororem suam, festivissimam
omnium puellarumj quam omnes Venerem vocarent,
maluit lunonem vocare. Quare ' inquit quaero
enim, sororem suam ? ' Stulte, stude : Athenis dimi-
dium licet, Alexandriae totum. Quia Romae ' inquis
'mures molas lingunt.' Hie nobis curva corriget?
quid in cubiculo suo facial, nescit, et iam caeli
scrutatur plagas ' ? Deus fieri vult : parum est quod
^ LU^ tu^ templum in Britannia habet, quod hunc barbari colimt
et ut deum orant fiwpov evLAarov rvx^i-v-
9 Tandem lovi venit in mentem, privatis intra curiam
morantibus senatoribus non licere^ sententiam dicere
nee disputare. "Ego" inquit "p. c. interrogare vobis
permiseram, vos mera mapalia fecistis. Volo ut
servetis disciplinam curiae. Hie qualiscunque est,
quid de nobis existimabit ? " Illo dimisso primus
interrogatur sententiam lanus pater. Is designatus
erat in kal. lulias postmeridianus consul, homo quan-
tumvis vafer, qui semper videt a/xa irpoa-aroi kol ottlo-o-oi,

^senatoribus non licere: added by Buecheler.

^ Because Juno was et soror et coniunx.

' Marriage with a half-sister was allowed at Athens ; the
Egyptian royal family married brother and sister.

'Another proverb of uncertain meaning; probably "be-
cause people like nice things at Rome, as they do every-
where.''
S88

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

in him iaj' •} for he killed his son-in-law Silanus,
because Silanus had a sister, a most charming girl,
called Venus by all the world, and he preferred to call
her Juno. Why, says he, I want to know why, his
own sister ? Read your books, stupid : you may go
half-way at Athens, the whole way at Alexandria.^
Because the mice lick meal ^ at Rome, you say. Is
this creature to mend our crooked ways ? What goes
on in his o^vvn closet he knows not ; * and now he
searches the regions of the sky, wants to be a god.
Is it not enough that he has a temple in Britain, that
savages worship him and pray to him as a god, so that
they may find a fool ° to have mercy upon them ?"

At last it came into Jove's head, that while strangers
were in the House it was not lawful to speak or debate.
My lords and gentlemen," said he, ' I gave you
leave to ask questions, and you have made a regular
farmyard^ of the place. Be so good as to keep the
rules of the House. WTiat will this person think of
us, whoever he is ? " So Claudius was led out, and
the first to be asked his opinion was Father Janus :
he had been made consul elect for the afternoon of
the next first of July,' being as shrewd a man as you
could find on a summer's day : for he could see, as they
say, before and behind.® He made an eloquent

* Perhaps alluding to a mock marriage of Silius and
Messalina.

' Again fiupov for 6eoO as in ch. 6,

• Proverb : meaning unknown.

' Perhaps an allusion to the shortening of the consul's
lerm, which was done to give more candidates a chance of
the honour.

' II. iii, 109 ; alluding here to Janus's double face.

389

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA

Is multa diserte, quod in foro vivebat, dixit, quae
notarius persequi non potuit, et ideo non refero, ne
aliis verbis ponam, quae ab illo dicta sunt. Multa
dixit de magnitudine deorum : non debere hunc vulgo
dari honorem. Olim " inquit magna res erat deum
fieri : iam famam mimum fecistis. Itaque ne videar
in personam, non in rem dicere sententiam, censeo ne
quis post hunc diem deus fiat ex his, qui dpovpr)s
KapTTov eSovcriv, aut ex his, quos aht {ttSwpos apovpa.
Qui contra hoc senatus consultum deus factus, dictus
pictusve erit, eum dedi Laruis et proximo munere
inter novos auctoratos feruhs vapulare placet." Pro-
ximus interrogatur sententiam Diespiter Vicae Potae
filius, et ipse designatus consul, nummulariolus : hoc
quaestu se sustinebat, vendere civitatulas solebat. Ad
hunc belle accessit Hercules et auriculam illi tetigit
Censet itaque in haec verba : Cum divus Claudius
et divum Augustum sanguine contingat nee minus
divam Augustam aviam suam, quam ipse deam esse
iussit, longeque omnes mortales sapientia antecellat,
sitque e re publica esse aliquem qui cum Romulo
possit ferventia rapa vorare,' censeo uti divus
Claudius ex hac die deus sit, ita uti ante eum qui
optimo iure factus sit, eamque rem ad metamorphosis
Ovidi adiciendam." Variae erant sententiae, et vide-

^ No one knows what this phrase really means. Cic. Att. i,
i6'^ has fabam miftiutn, which makes it likely that there
should be the same reading here ; but as the meaning is so
uncertain it seems best not to alter the text.

^ II. vi, 142 and other phrases.

^ Part of the training-.

* Apparently sometimes identified with Pluto, Dis.

^ A quotation from some unknown poet. Martial speaks of
Romulus eating turnips, xiii, 16.

390

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

harangue, because his life was passed in the foriimj but
too fast for the notary to take do^^Ti. That is why I
give no full report of it. Tor I don't want to change
the words he used. He said a great deal of the
majesty of the gods, and how the honour ought not
to be given away to every Tom, Dick, or Harry.
Once," said he, it was a great thing to become a
god ; now you have made it a farce. ^ Therefore, that
you may not think I am speaking against one person
instead of the general custom, I propose that from
this day forward the godhead be given to none of
those who eat the fruits of the earth, or whom mother
earth doth nourish.^ After this bill has been read a
third time, whosoever is made, said, or portraj-ed to be
god, I vote he be delivered over to the bogies, and at
the next public show be flogged vriih a birch amongst
the new gladiators."^ The next to be asked was
Diespiter, son of Vica Pota, he also being consul
elect, and a moneylender ;* by this trade he made a
li\Tng, used to sell rights of citizenship in a small way.
Hercules trips me up to him daintily, and tweaks
him by the ear. So he uttered his opinion in these
words : Inasmuch as the blessed Claudius is akin to
the blessed Augustus, and also to the blessed Augusta,
his grandmother, whom he ordered to be made a
goddess, and whereas he far surpasses all mortal men
in wisdom, and seeing that it is for the public good
that there be some one able to join Romulus in
devouring boiled turnips,^ I propose that from this
day forth blessed Claudius be a god, to enjoy that
honour with all its appurtenances in as full a degree
as any other before him, and that a note to that effect
be added to Ovid's Metamorphoses." The meeting
was divided, and it looked as though Claudius was to

391

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
batur Claudius sententiam vincere. Hercules enim,
qui videret ferrum suum in igne esse, modo hue modo
illuc cursabat et aiebat : ' Noli mihi invidere, mea res
agitur ; deinde tu si quid volueris, in vieem faciam ;
manus manum lavat."
10 Tunc divus Augustus surrexit sententiae suae loco
dicendae, et summa facundia disseruit : Ego " inquit
p. c. vos testes habeo, ex quo deus factus sum, nul-
lum me verbum fecisse : semper meum negotium ago.
Sed non possum amplius dissimulare, et dolorem, quem
graviorem pudor facit, continere. In hoc terra mari-
que pacem peperi ? Ideo civilia bella compescui ? Ideo
legibus urbem fundavi, operibus ornavl, ut — quid
dicam p. c. non invenio : omnia infra indignationem
verba sunt. Confugiendum est itaque ad Messalae
Corvini, disertissimi viri, illam sententiam pudet
imperii." Hie, p. c, qui vobis non posse videtur
muscam excitare, tam facile homines occidebat, quam
canis adsidit. Sed quid ego de tot ac talibus viris
dicam? Non vacat deflere publicas clades intuenti
domestica mala. Itaque ilia omittam, haec referam ;
nam etiam si soror^ mea Graece nescit, ego scio:
f-yytov 70VV KV)]fxr]s. Iste quem videtis, per tot annos
^MSS. sormea.
S92

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

win the day. For Hercules saw his iron was in the
fire, trotted here and trotted there, saying. Don't
deny me ; I make a point' of the matter. I'll do as
much for you again, when j^ou like ; you roll my log,
and I'll roll yours : one hand washes another."

Then arose the blessed Augustus, when his turn 1 0
came, and spoke with much eloquence. I call you
to witness, my lords and gentlemen," said he, that
since the day I was made a god I have never uttered
one word. I always mind my o^wn business. But
now I can keep on the mask no longer, nor conceal the
sorrow which shame makes all the greater. Is it for
this I have made peace by land and sea ? For this
have I calmed intestine wars ? For this, laid a firm
foundation of law for Rome, adorned it with buildings,
and all that — gentlemen, words fail me ; there are
none can rise to the height of my indignation. I
must borrow that saying of the eloquent Messala
Q)rvinus, I am ashamed of my authority.^ This man,
my lords, who looks as though he could not worry a
fly, used to chop off heads as easily as a dog sits down.
But why should I speak of all those men, and such
men ? There is no time to lament for public disasters,
•when one has so many private sorrows to think of. I
leave that, therefore, and say only this ; for even if
my sister knows no Greek, I do : The knee is nearer
than the shin.' This man you see, who for so many

*The speech seems to contain a parody of Augustus's
style and sayingfs.

2 M. Valerius Messalas Corvinus, appointed praefectus urbi,
resigned within a week.

^ A proverb, like "Charity begins at home." The reading of
the passage is uncertain ; " sister " is only a conjecture, and
it is bard to see why his sister should be mentioned.

S9S

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
sub meo nomine latens, hanc mihi gratiam rettulit, ut
ciuas lulias proneptes meas occideret, alteram ferro,
alteram fame ; unum abnepotem L. Silanum. videris
luppiter an in causa mala^ certe in tua, si aequus
futurus es. Die mihi, dive Claudi, quare quemquam
ex his, quos quasque occidisti, antequam de causa
cognosceres, antequam audires, damnasti ? Hoc ubi
1 1 fieri solet ? In caelo non fit. Ecce luppiter, qui tot
annos regnat, uni Volcano crus fregit, quern

pi^e TToSbs Teraywv otto (3r)Xov 6&nre(Tioio,
et iratus fuit uxori et suspendit illam: numquid
occidit? Tu Messalinam, cuius aeque avunculus maior
cram quam tuus, occidisti. Nescio" inquis. Di
tibi male faciant : adeo istuc turpius est, quod nesci-
sti, quam quod occidisti. C. Caesarem non desiit
mortuum persequi. Occiderat ille socerum: hie et
generum. Gaius Crassi filium vetuit Magnum vocari ;
hie nomen illi reddidit, caput tulit. Occidit in una
domo Crassum, Magnum, Scriboniam, Tristionias,
Assarionem, nobiles tamen, Crassum vero tam fatuum,
ut etiam regnare posset. Hunc nunc deum facere
vultis? Videte corpus eius dis iratis natum. Ad sum-
mam, tria verba cito dicat, et servum me ducat.
Hunc deum quis colet? Quiscredet? Dum tales deos
facitis, nemo vos deos esse credet. Summa rei, p. c,
394

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

years has been masquerading under my name, has
done me the favour of murderiiig two Julias, great-
granddaughters of mine, ofie by coid steel and one by
starvation ; and one great-grandson, L. Silanus. See,
Jupiter, whether in a bad cause (at least it is your own)
you will be fair. Come tell me, blessed Claudius, why
of all those you killed, both men and women, with-
out a hearing, why 30U did not hear their side of the
case first, before putting them to death ? \Miere do
we find that custom ? It is not done in heaven.
Look at Jupiter : all these years he has been king, and 1 1
never did more than once to break Vulcan's leg.

Whom seizing by the foot he cast from the lUad i, 591
threshold of the sky,'

and once he fell in a rage with his wife and strung
her up: did he do any killing' You killed Messalina,
whose great-uncle I was no less than yours. I don't
know,' did you say? Curse you! that is just it: not
to know was worse than to kill. Caligula he went on
persecuting even when he was dead. Caligula mur-
dered his father-in-law, Claudius his son-in-law to
boot. Caligula would not have Crassus' son called
Great; Claudius gave him his name back, and took
away his head. In one family he destroyed Crassus,
Magnus, Scribonia, the Tristionias, Assario, noble
though they were ; Crassus indeed such a fool that he
might have been emperor. Is this he you want now to
make a god ? Look at his body, bom under the wrath
of heaven ! In fine, let him say as many as three words
quickly, and he may have me for a slave. God I who
will worship this god, who -will believe him ? While
you make gods of such as he, no one will believe you
to be gods. To be brief, my lords : if I have liv^d

395

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA

si honeste me ^ inter vos gessi, si nulli clarius respondi,
vindicate iniurias meas. Ego pro sententia mea hoc
censeo:" atque ita ex tabella recitavit: quando
quidem divus Claudius occidit socerum suum Appium
Silanunij generos duos Magnum Pompeium et L.
Silanum, socerum filiae suae Crassum Frugi^ hominem
tam similem sibi quam ovo ovum, Scriboniam socrum
filiae suae, uxorem suam Messalinam et ceteros
quorum numerus iniri non potuit, placet mihi in eum
severe animadverti, nee illi rerum iudicandarum vaca-
tionem dari, eumque quam primum exportari, et caelo
intra triginta dies excedere, Olympo intra diem ter-
tium."

Pedibus in banc sententiam itum est. Nee mora,
Cyllenius ilium collo obtorto trahit ad inferos, a caelo

'^illuc^ unde negant redire quemquam."

12 Dum descendunt per viam sacram, interrogat Mer-
curius, quid sibi velit ille concursus hominum, num
Claudii funus esset. Et erat omnium formosissimum
et impensa cura, plane ut scires deum efFerri : tubici-
num, cornicinum, omnis generis aenatorum tanta
turba, tantus concentus, ut etiam Claudius audire
posset. Omnes laeti, hilares : populus Romanus am-
bulabat tanquam liber. Agatho et pauci causidici
plorabant, sed plane ex animo. lurisconsulti e
tenebris procedebant, pallidi, graciles, vix animam
habentes, tanquam qui turn maxime reviviscerent.
^ Added by Buecheler.

S96

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

honourably among you, if I have never given plain
speech to any, avenge my wrongs. This is my
motion" : then he read out his amendment, which he
had committed to writing: Inasmuch as the blessed
Claudius murdered his father-in-law Appius Silanus,
his two sons-in-law, Pompeius Magnus and L. Silanus,
Crassus Frugi his daughter's father-in-law, as like him
as two eggs in a basket, Scribonia his daughter's
mother-in-law, his wife Messalina, and others too
numerous to mention ; I propose that strong measures
be taken against him, that he be allowed no delay of
process, that immediate sentence of banishment be
passed on him, that he be deported from heaven
within thirty days, and from Olympus within thirty
hours."

A division was taken upon this without further
debate. Not a moment was lost: Mercury got a
grip of his throat, and haled him to the lower regions,
to that bourne from which they say no traveller
returns." ^ As they passed downwards along the 12
Sacred Way, Mercury asked what was that great con-
course of men ? could it be Claudius' funeral ? It was
certainly a most gorgeous spectacle, got up regardless
of expense, clear it was that a god was being borne to
the grave : tootling of flutes, roaring of horns, an im-
mense brass band of all sorts, such a din that even
Claudius could hear it. Joy and rejoicing on every
side, the Roman people walking about like free men.
Agatho and a few pettifoggers were weeping for grief,
and for once in a way they meant it. The Barristers
were crawling out of their dark corners, pale and thin,
with hardly a breath in their bodies, as though just
coming to life again. One of them when he saw the
' Catullus lii, 12.

39?

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA

Ex his unus cum vidisset capita conferentes et
fortunas suas deplorantes causidicos, accedit et ait:
dicebam vobis: non semper Saturnalia erunt."
Claudius ut vidit funus suum, intellexit se mor-
tuum esse. Ingenti eum /xeyaAv x^pi-Ki^ nenia canta-
batur anapaestis:

Fundite fletus, edite planctus,

resonet tristi clamore forum :

cecidit pulchre cordatus homo,

quo non alius fuit in toto

fortior orbe.

Ille citato vincere cursu

poterat celeres, ille rebelles

fundere Parthos levibusque sequi

Persida telis, certaque manu

tendere nervum, qui praecipites

vulnere parvo figeret hostes,

pictaque Medi terga fugacis.

Ille Britannos ultra noti

litora ponti

et caeruleos scuta Brigantas

dare Romuleis colla catenis

iussit et ipsum nova Romanae

iura securis tremere Oceanum.

Deflete virum, quo non alius

potuit citius discere causas,

una tantum parte audita,
[ saepe ne utra. Quis nunc iudex
' toto lites audiet anno?

Tibi iam cedet sede relieta^

qui dat populo iura silenti,
S98

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

pettifoggers putting their heads together, and lament-
ing their sad lot, up comes he and says : Did not I
tell you the Saturnalia coul3 not last for ever?"

When Claudius saw his own funeral train, he
realized that he was dead. For they were chanting
his dirge in anapaests, with much mopping and mouth-
ing :

Pour forth your laments, your sorrow declare.
Let the sounds of grief rise liigh in the air :
For he that is dead had a wit most keen.
Was bravest of all that on earth have been.
Racehorses are nothing to his swift feet :
Rebellious Parthians he did defeat;
Swift after the Persians his light shafts go :
For he well knew how to fit arrow to bow.
Swiftly the striped barbarians fled:
With one little wound he shot them dead.
And the Britons beyond in their unkno^\-n seas,
Blue-shielded Brigantians too, all these
He chained by the neck as the Romans' slaves.
He terrified Ocean with all his waves.
Made fear a new master to lay do^vn the law.
O weep for the man ! This world never saw
One quicker a troublesome suit to decide.
When only one part of the case had been tried,
(He could do it indeed and not hear either side).
Who'll now sit in judgment the whole year round?
Now he that is judge of the shades undergroimd

399

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA

Cretaea tenens oppida centum.
Caedite maestis pectora palmis,
o causidici, venale genus.
Vosque poetae lugete novi^
vosque in primis qui concusso
magna parastis lucra fritillo."

1 3 Deleetabatur laudibus suis Claudius, et cupiebat diutius

spectare. Inicit illi manum Talthybius deorum^ et

trahit capite obvoluto, ne quis eum possit agnoscere,

per campum Martium, et inter Tiberim et viam tectam

descendit ad inferos. Antecesserat iam compendiaria

Narcissus libertus ad patronum excipiendum, et veni-

enti nitidurf, ut erat a balineo, occurrit et ait : Quid

di ad homines?" celerius" inquit Mercurius et

venire nos nuntia." Dicto citius Narcissus evolat.

Omnia proclivia sunt, facile descenditur. Itaque

quamvis podagricus esset, momento temporis pervenit

ad ianuam Ditis, ubi iacebat Cerberus vel ut ait Hora-

tius "belua centiceps." Pusillum perturbatur — subal-

bam canem in deliciis habere adsueverat — ut ilium

vidit canem nigrum, villosum, sane non quem velis

tibi in tenebris occurrere, et magna voce Claudius"

inquit "veniet." Cum plausu procedunt cantantes:

evpT^Ka/jiev, (nryxatpco/tev.^ Hie erat C. Silius consul

designatus, luncus praetorius, Sex. Traulus, M. Hel-

' The MSS. add nunVms.
* Buecheler alters the MS. reading to ffvyxalpo/Mev, the actual
•word of the cry.
400

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

Once ruler of fivescore cities in Crete,
Must yield to his better and take a back seat.
Mourn, mourn, pettifoggers, ye venal crew,
And you, minor poets, woe, woe is to you !
And you above all, who get rich quick
By the rattle of dice and the three card trick."
Claudius was charmed to hear his own praises sung, 1 3
and would have staged longer to see the show. But
the Talthybius ^ of the gods laid a hand on him, and
led him across the Campus Martius, first wrapping his
head up close that no one might know him, until be-
twixt Tiber and the Subway he went down to the
lower regions. His freedman Narcissus had gone
down before him by a short cut, ready to welcome his
master. Out he comes to meet him, smooth and
shining (he had just left the bath), and says he :
WTiat make the gods among mortals?" Look
alive," says Mercurj-, go and tell them we are
coming." Away he flew, quicker than tongue can tell
it. It is easy going by that road, all down hill. So
although Claudius had a touch of the gout, in a trice
they were come to Dis's door. There lay Cerberus,
or, as Horace puts it, the hundred-headed monster, f,*^^
Claudius was a trifle perturbed (it was a little white
bitch he used to keep for a pet) when he spied this
black shag-haired hound, not at all the kind of thing
you could wish to meet in the dark. In a loud voice
he cried, Claudius is coming!" All marched before
him singing. The lost is found, O let us rejoice
together I" ^ Here were found C. Silius consul elect,
Jimcus the ex-praetor, Sextus Traulus, M. Helvius,

' Talthybius was a herald, and nuntius is obviously a g^loss
on this. He means Mercury.
' With a slight change, a cry used in the worship of Osiris.
DD 401

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
vius, TroguSj Cotta, Vettius Valens^ Fabius equates R.
quos Narcissus duci iusserat. Medius erat in hac
cantantium turba Mnester pantomimus, quem Claudius
decoris causa minorem fecerat. Ad Messalinam — cito
rumor percrebuit Claudium venisse — convolant : primi
omnium liberti Polybius, Myron, Harpocras, Amphae-
us, Pheronactus, quos Claudius omnes, necubi impara-
tus esset, praemiserat. Deinde praefecti duo Justus
Catonius et Rufrius Pollio. Deinde amici Saturninus
Lusius et Pedo Pompeius et Lupus et Celer Asinius
consulares. Novissime fratris filia, sororis filia, generi,
soceri, socrus, omnes plane consanguinei. Et agmine
facto Claudio occurrunt. Quos cum vidisset Claudius,
exclamat : iravra </)tAcov TrX-qpr] quomodo hue venistis
vos?" Tum Pedo Pompeius: Quid dicis, homo crude-
lissime? Quaeris, quomodo ? Quis enim nos alius hue
misit quam tu, omnium amicorum interfector? In ius
eamus, ego tibi hie sellas ostendam."
14 Ducit ilium ad tribunal Aeaci : is lege Cornelia quae
de sicariis lata est, quaerebat. Postulat, nomen eius
recipiat; edit subscriptionem : occisos senatores
XXXV, equites R. CCXXI, ceteros ocra \pdfm66s re
Kovis T€. Advocatum non invenit. Tandem procedit
P. Petronius, vetus convictor eius, homo Claudiana
lingua disertus, et postulat advocationem. Non datur.
Accusat Pedo Pompeius niagnis clamoribus. Incipit
patronus velle respondere. Aeacus, homo iustissimus,
402

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

Trogus, Cotta, Vettius Valens, Fabius, Roman Knights
whom Narcissus had ordered for execution. In the
midst of this chanting company was Mnester the
mime, whom Claudius for honour's sake had made
shorter by a head. The news was soon blown about
that Claudius had come: to Messalina they throng:
first his freedmen, Polybius, Mj'ron, Harpocras, x\m-
phaeus, Pheronactus, all sent before him by Claudius
that he might not be unattended anywhere ; next two
prefects, Justus Catonius and Rufrius Pollius; then
his friends, Saturninus Lusius and Pedo Pompeius and
Lupus and Celer Asinius, these of consular rank ; last
came his brother's daughter, his sister's daughter,
sons-in-law, fuihers and mothers-in-law, the whole
family in fact. In a body they came to meet Claudius ;
and when Claudius saw them, he exclaimed. Friends
everywhere, on my word! How came you all here?"
, To this Pedo Pompeius answered. What, cruel man ?
How came we here ? Who but you sent us, you, the
murderer of all the friends that ever you had ? To
court with you ! I'll show you where their lordships
sit.'

Pedo brings him before the judgement seat of 14
Aeacus, who was holding court under the Lex Cornelia
to try cases of murder and assassination. Pedo requests
the judge to take the prisoner's name, and produces
a simimons with this charge: Senators killed, 35;
Roman Knights, 221 ; others as the sands of the sea-
shore for multitude. Claudius finds no counsel. At n. '^, 385
length out steps P. Petronius, an old chimi of his, a
finished scholar in the Claudlan tongue, and claimed
a remand. Not granted. Pedo Pompeius prosecutes
with loud outcry. The counsel for the defence tries
to reply; but Aeacus, who is the soul of justice, will
dd9 403

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
vetat, et ilium altera tantum parte audita condemnat

et ait : aiKe irdOoi to, t epe^e, Bikt) k Wela yevotro. In-
gens silentium factum est. Stupebant omnes novitate
rei attoniti, negabant hoc unquam factum. Claudio
magis iniquum vldebatur quam novum. De genera
poenae diu disputatum est, quid ilium pati oporteret.
Erant qui dicerent, Sisyphum satis diu laturam fecisse.
Tantalum siti periturum nisi illi succurreretur, ali-
quando Ixionis miseri rotam sufflaminandam. Non
placuit ulli ex veteribus missionem dari, ne vel Clau-
dius unquam simile speraret. Placuit novam poenam
constitui debere, excogitandum illi laborem irritum
et alicuius cupiditatis speciem sine efFectu. Turn
Aeacus iubet ilium alea ludere pertuso fritillo. Et iam
coeperat fugientes semper tesseras quaerere et nihil
proficere.

15 Nam quotiens missurus erat resonante fritillo,

utraque subducto fugiebat tessera fundo.

Cumque recollectos auderet mittere talcs,

fusuro similis semper semperque petenti,
404

aPOCOLOCYNTOSIS

not have it. Aeacus hears the case against Claudius,
refuses to hear the other side and passes sentence
against him, quoting the Hne :
"As he did, so be he done by, this is justice undefiled." ^

A great silence fell. Not a soul but was stupefied at
this new way of managing matters ; they had never
known anything like it before. It was no new thing
to Claudius, yet he thought it unfair. There was a long
discussion as to the punishment he ought to endure.
Some said that Sisyphus had done his job of porterage
long enough ; Tantalus would be dying of thirst, if
he were not relieved ; the drag must be put at last on
wretched Ixion's wheel. But it was determined not to
let off any of the old stagers, lest Claudius should dare
to hope for any such relief. It was agreed that some
new punishment must be devised : they must devise
some new task, something senseless, to suggest some
craving without result. Then Aeacus decreed he »
should rattle dice for ever In a box with no bottom.
At once the poor wretch began his fruitless task of
hunting for the dice, which for ever slipped from his
fingers.

For when he rattled with the box, and thought he 1 5
now had got 'em.
The little cubes would vanish thro' the perforated

bottom.
Then he would pick 'em up again, and once more set

a-trying :
The dice but served him the same trick : away they

went a-flying.
So still he tries, and still he fails; still searching long
he lingers;

* A proverbial line.

405

LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA

decepere fidem : refugit digitosque per ipsos
fallax adsiduo dilabitur alea furto.
Sic cum iam summi tanguntur culmina montis,
irrita Sisyphio volvuntur pondera collo.

Apparuit subito C. Caesar et petere ilium in servitu-
tem coepit; producit testes, qui ilium viderant ab
illo flagris, ferulis, colaphis vapulantem. Adiudicatur
C. Caesari; Caesar ilium Aeaco donat. Is Menandro
liberto suo tradidit, ut a cognitionibus esset.

406

APOCOLOCYNTOSIS

And every time the tricksy things go slipping thro'

his fingers.
Just so when Sisjrphus his rock once gets atop the

mountain.
To his dismay he sees it come do^vn on his poor head

bounding I"

All on a sudden who should turn up but Caligula,
and claims the man for a slave : brings witnesses,
who said they had seen him being flogged, caned,
fisticuffed by him. He is handed over to Caligula,
and Caligula makes him a present to Aeacus. Aeacus
delivers him to his freedman Menander, to be his
law-clerk.

407

INDEX TO PETRONIUS

INDEX OF NAMES

The references are to chapters in the English translation. The Frag-
ments and Poems are indicated by numbers with the letter F or P re-
spectively prefixed.

Achilles, son of Peleus and Thetis;
leader of the Greeks against Troy,
59, 129

Acrisius, father of Danae, was told
by an oracle that her son would
kill him. He therefore shut her up
in a brazen tower; Zeus however
visited her in the form of a shower
of gold, and she became the
mother of Perseus, 137

Actium, a promontory in Acarnania,
121

Aeneas, son of Anchises and Venus ;
hero of Virgil's Aeneid as mythical
founder of Rome, 68

Aethiopian, 102

Aetna, a volcanic mountain in
north-east Sicily, 122

Africa, 48, 93, 117, 119, 125, 141

African, 35, 119

Agamemnon, a teacher of rhetoric, 3,
6, 26, 28, 46, 48, 49, 50, 52, 65,
69,78

Agamemnon, leader of the Greeks
against Troy, 59

Agatho, a perfumer, 74

Ajax, son of Telamon; after the
death of Achilles he was worsted
in the contest for Achilles's arms
by Odysseus, went mad, and,
having killed a flock of sheep in
madness, killed himself, 59

Albucia, a character in the lost por-
tion of Petronius, F6

.Alcibiades, son of Clinias and
Dinomache, b. about 450 b.c;
pupil and friend of Socrates, by
whom his life was saved at the
battle of Potidaea, 432 B.C., and
whom he saved at Delium, 424
B.C., 128

Alexandria, 31, 68

Alps, 122, 123

Amphitryon, son of Alcaeus king
of Tiryns, and reputed father
of Heracles by Alcmene his
wife who was visited by Zeus,
123

410

Anacreon of Teos, lyric poet of the
sixth century b.c, F20

Apelles, a celebrated fourth century
painter who lived at the court of
Philip and Alexander 83, 88

Apelles, an actor, 64

Apennine, 124

Apollo, 83, 89, 121, P21

Apulia, 77

Aquarius, 35, 39

Arabian, 102, 119

Aratus of Soli, an astronomer of
the third century, author of the
poems Phaenomena and Diose-
meia, which Cicero translated,
40

Arbiter: Nero called Gains Petro-
nius " arbiter elegantiarum," and
the author of the Satyricon
is often cited as Petronius Arbitei;
F4, 19, 21, 24 (in conjunction
with the name Petronius) F7, 9,
11, 12, 13, 25

Ariadne, daughter of Minos, fled
with Theseus to Naxos, where he
left her ; she was found by Diony-
sus and became his bride, 138

Arpinum, a town in Latium, birth-
place of Cicero, F4

Ascyltos, companion of Encolpius
and Giton, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13,
14, 15, 19, 20, 21, 22, 24, 57, 58,
59, 72, 79, 80, 92, 94, 97. 98, 133

Asia, 2, 44, 75, 85

Asiatic, 44

Assafoetida, a musical play no
longer extant, 35

Atellane, 53, 68

Athena, 59

Athenian, 135

Athens, 2, 38

Athos, a mountain at the extremity
of the peninsula Acte in Mace-
donia, P3

Atreus, father of Menelaus, 108

Attic, 38

Augustus, first emperor of Rome,
b. 63 B.C., d. 14 A.D., 57, 60,
71

INDEX OF NAMES

B

Babylonian, 55

Bacchus, 41, 133, 135, P3

Baiae, 53, 104

Bargates, keeper of a lodging-house,

96,97
Bellona, wife of Mars and goddess

of war, 124
Bosporus, a strait between the sea

of Azof and the Black Sea, 123
Bull, 35

Caesar, Caius Julius, b. 102, d. 44
B.c , 51, 76, 122, 123, 124

Calchas, a prophet in the Greek
army before Troy, who foretold
the length of the war, 89

Canidia, a witch in Horace, F3

Canopus, a city on the coast of
Lower Eg\'pt, near the western
mouth of the Nile, P6

Capitol, 88, 122

Cappadocian, 63

Capricomus, 35, 39

Capua, chief city of Campania; a
Roman colony, 61

Carlo, a slave of Trimalchio, 70, 71

Carpus (Carver), a slave of Trimal-
chio, 36, 40

Carthage, 55, 117

Cassandra, a prophetess in Troy
whom Apollo, angry at her re-
sistance to him, made the Trojans
disbelieve, 52, 74

Cato, Marcus Uticensis, b. 95 B.C.;
committed suicide at Utica,
46 B.C., after the defeat of the
Pompeians by Caesar at Thapsus,
119, 132, 137

Caucasus, a chain of mountains
running from the east of the Black
Sea to the west of the Caspian,
123

Cerberus, the dog that guarded the
entrance to Hades, Fd

Cerdo (Gain), a Lar or tutelary
spirit of Trimalchio's house, with
Felicio (Luck) and Lucrio (Profit),
60

Ceres, a eoddess of the earth and its
fruits, 135, P3

Chrysanthus, a citizen of Cumae,
42

Chrysippus, of Soli, b. 280 B.C., a
Stoic philosopher, 88

Chrysis, a woman of Croton, 128,
, 129, 130, 131, 132, 138, 139

Cicero, Marcus TuUius, of Arpinum,
orator, b. 106, d. 43 B.C., 3, 5, 55

Cinnamus, steward to Trimalchio,
30

Circe, a woman loved by Encolpius
127, 129, 130, 134

Cocvtus, one of the six rivers of
Hades, 120, 121, 124

Colchis, in Asia: pheasants found on
the banks of its principal river,
the Phasis, were a favourite deli-
cacy in Rome, 93

Corax, a servant of Encolpius, 117,
140

Corinth, 50, 119

Corinthian, 31 , 50

Corinthus, 50

Corycian; there were cities named
Corycus in Ionia, Pamphylia, and
CiUcia, P8

Cosmian, ste under Cosmus, F18

Cosmus, a celebrated perfumer,
F18

Crab, 35, 39

Crassus, Marcus, sumamed Dives,
famous for his wealth; triumvir
with Caesar and Pompey 60 B.C.,
120

Croesus, Trimalchio's favourite, 64

Croton, a town in Bruttium, where
Pythagoras taught, and of which
the athlete Milo was a native, 110,
124

Cumae, a town in Campania; the
scene of Trimalchio's dinner, 63

Curio, 124 ; see note ad Ice.

Cyclops; Cyclopes were a race of
giant one-eyed shepherds in
Sicily whom Odjrsseus encoun-
tered, 48, 97, 98

Cyllene, a moi'ntain on the fron-
tier of Arcadia and .A.chaia, 124

Cynic; the Cynic school of philo-
sophy was founded by An t is then es,
a pupil of Gorgias and Socrates,
14
Cynthia, a name of Artemis, who
was bom on Mount Cyntbus in
Delos, 122
Cyrene, the chief city of Cyrenaiea,
of which CalUmacbus was a
native, 135

411

INDEX OF NAMES

Daedalus, father of Icarus, 52
Daedalus, Trimalchio's cook, 70,

74
Dama, a guest of Trimalchio, 41
Danae, see under Acrisius, 126, 137
Danube, P6
Daphne, a beautiful girl of Arcadia

who was pursued by Apollo and

changed into a laurel bush, 131
Delia, a name of Artemis, who was

born in Delos, P21
Deliacus, an epithet of Apollo, who

was born in Delos, 23
Delphi, a town in Phocis, the seat

of the most famous oracle of

Apollo, P18, 21
Delphic, 122
Democritus of Abdera, b. about

460 B.C., who with Leucippus

founded the atomic philosophy

which inspired Lucretius, 88
Demosthenes, the orator, b about

385 B.C., d. 322 B.C. , 2, 5
Diana, goddess of light and fruit-
fulness, 59, 126
Dicarchis, 120
Diogenes, Caius Pompeius, a guest

of Trimalchio, 38
Diomede, son of Tydeus and

Deipyle, and king of Argos: he

took eighty ships to the siege of

Troy, 59
Dione, mother of Aphrodite by

Zeus, 124, 133
Dionysus, a slave of Trimalchio,

41
Dis is identified with Pluto, the god

of Hades, 120, 124
Doris, a mistress of Encolpius, 126
Dryads, tree nymphs, 133

Echion, a guest of Trimalchio, 45

Egyptian, 2, 35, F19

Encolpius, the narrator of the

Satyricon, 20, 91, 92, 94, 102,

104, 105, 109, 114
Ephesus, the greatest city of Asia

Minor, 70, 111
Epicurus, of Gargettus in Attica,

philosopher, b. 342, d. 270 B.C.,

104, 132

412

Epidamnus, the older name of
Dyrrhachium, 124 ; see note ad loc.

Erebus, the darkness under the
earth through which souls pass to
Hades, 124

Ethiopians, 34

Eudoxus, of Cnidus,afourthcentury
astronomer and geometer, pupil
of Archytas and Plato whose
prose work Phaenoraena was ver-
sified by Aratus, 88

Eumolpus, an old poet, 90, 91, 92,
94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101,
102, 103, 104, 105, 107, 108, 109,
110, 113, 115, 117, 118, 124, 125,
132, 140

Euripides, of Athens, tragic poet,
b. 480, d. 406 B.C., 2

Euscios, a character in the lost por-
tion of Petronius, F8

Falemian, The Falernus Ager, in

Campania, was celebrated for its

wine, 21, 28, 34, 55
Fates, 29

Felicio (Luck) ; see under Cerdo, 60
Fortunata, wife of Trimalchio, 37,

47, 52, 54, 67, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74,

75,76

Gains, master of Niceros, 62
Gaius, praenomen of Trimalchio, 67,

74,75
Gallic, Fl
Ganymede, son of Tros and Callir-

rhoe, carried off from Mount Ida

by an eagle to be the cupbearer

of Jupiter, 44, 59, 92
Gaul, 103, 122
Gauls, 122
Gavilla, a householder of Cumae,

61
German, 123
Germans, 122
Giants, children of Gfe, the earth,

who attempted to drive out the

Gods from Olympus, 123
Giton, companion of Encolpius and

Ascyltos, 9, 16, 18, 20, 24, 25, 26,

68, 60, 72, 73, 79, 91, 92, 93, 94,

INDEX OF NAMES

»6, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 104,
105, 106, 108, 109, 110, 113, 114,
115, 117, 123, 129, 130, 132, 133,
139
Glyco, a rich man of Cumae, 49
Gorgias, an undertaker in Croton,
141

Greek, 46, 48, 53, 59, 64, 76, 81, 83,

111, 122
Greeks, 38, 88, 89

H
Habinnas, friend of Trimalchio, 65,

67, 68, 69, 71, 72, 74, 75, 77
Hammon, an oasis twelve days'

joomey from Memphis; the

famous oracle of Zeus Ammon

was established there, 119
Hannibal, b. 247 B.C., d. about

183 B.C.; leader of Carthage

against Rome in the Second

Punic War, 50, 101, 141
Harpies, daughters of Thaumas and

tte Oceanid Electra, birds with

women's faces, 136
Hecale, 135 ; see note ad loc.
Hedyle, wife of Lichas, 113
Helen, wife of Menelaus, carried off

by Paris, a type of beauty, 59, 138
Helicon, a mountain range in

Boeotia, sacred to Apollo and the

Muses, 118
Hellespontine, an epithet of Priapus,

q.v., 139, F4
Hercules, son of Zeus and Alcmcne,

hero of twelve labours, 48, 83, 106.

122, 136, P28
Hermeros, a gladiator, 59
Hermogenes, father of Glyco's wife,

45
Hesperia, a Greek name for Italy

as the land to the west of Greece,

122
Hesus, a passenger on Lichas's ship,

104
Hippaachus, of Nicaea, a great

astronomer of the second century

B.C., 40
Homer, traditional author of the

Iliad and Odyssey, 2, 48, 59, 118
Horace, of Venusia in Apulia, lyric

poet, b. 65, d. 8 s.c, 118, F19, 22
Hybla, a town on the southern

slope of Mt. Aetna. P29

Hydaspes, the northernmost of the
five tributaries of the Indus, 123

Hylas, accompanied Hercules, who
loved hhn, with the Argonauts.

' On the coast of Mysia the Naiads ,
because of his beauty, drew him
down into a fountain and
drowned him, 83

Hypaepa, a city in Lydia, 133

Hyperides, an orator of the fourth
century, pupil of Isocrates; d.
322 B.C., 2

Hyrcanian; Hjrrcania was a pro-
vince of the Persian Empire south
of the Caspian sea, 134

I
Iberia, a Greek name of Spain, 121
Ida, a mountain range in the Troad,

from which Ganymede was carried

off by the eagle of Jupiter, 83, 89,

134
Iliad, 29 ; see under Homer
Ilium, 50
Inachian, Inachus was the mythica

founder of Argos, and Heracles

was driven from Argos by the

wrath of Hera, 139
India, 38, P18
Indian, 135
Iphigenia, daughter of Agamemnon

and Clvtemnestra, 59
Italian, 114
Italy, 116

J

Jew, 69, P24

Jews, 103

Julius (Caesar), 120; see under

Caesar
Juno, 25, 139
Jupiter, 44, 47, 51, 56, 68, 83, 88.

122, 123, 126, 127, 137

Labeo, Antistius, an eminent lawyer

of republican views, b. 54 b.c,

d. 17 A.D., 137
Laenas, donor of a gladia* rial

show, 29
Laocoon, priest of ApoUo in Troy,

80

413

INDEX OF NAMES

Laomeaon, king of Troy; Poseidon
sent the sea to overflow the coun-
try and a sea-monster to plague
it, because Laomedoii cheated
the Gods, 139

Lares, guardian spirits of the house,
60 ; see under Gain

Latin, 46, 48, 55, 59, P18

Leda, wife of Tyndareus, king of
Sparta, and mother by Zeus of
Helen and Castor and Pollux,
138

Lentulus ; see note on 123, 124

Lesbos, an island in the Aegean off
the coast of Mysia, 133

Libra, 35, 39

Libya, 121

Libyan, 120

Lichas, a ship's captain, 10<, 101,
104, 105, 10«, 107, 109, 110, 113,
114, 115

Lucilius, b. 148, d. 103 B.C. ; author
of Satires in thirty books, of
which only fragments are extant,
4

Lucina, the goddess of childbirth,
P17

Lucretia, wife of L. Tarquinius Col-
latinus, was violated by Sextus
Tarquinius, son of the tyrant L.
Tarquinius Superbus. This is
the traditional reason for the
deposition of the tyrant and the
establishment of the Roman Re-
public, 9

Lucrine; the Lucrine Lake was a
salt-water lake near the coast of
Campania, famous for its oysters,
119

Lucrio (Profit); see under Cfcdo, 60

Lycurgus, 83, 117

Lydian, 133

Lysippus, a sculptor of the fourth
century, whose works have
perished. He was given the sole
right of making statues of Alex-
ander, 88

M

Macedonian, 86

Maecenas, the master by whom

Trimalchio was freed, 71
Maeonian, Homeric; one tradition

says that Homer was the son of

Maeon, 5
Magnus, a title conferred by Sulla

414

on Pompey after his defeat of
the adherents of Marius in Africa,
81 B.C., 124

Mammaea, a rich citizen of Cumae,
45

Mantua, in Gallia Transpadana,
near which was the birthplace of
Virgil, q.v., F4

Marcellus, see note on 123, 124

Marcus Mannicius, owner of a
lodging-house, 95

Margarita (Pearl), a dog belonging to
Croesus, Tnmalchio's favourite, 46

Mars, 34, 55. 124, P23

Marsyas, a satyr who challenged
Apollo to a musical contest, and
on being defeated was flayed by
him, 36

Martia, a girl whom Petronius loved,
P20

Massa, a slave of Habinnas, 69

Massilia, the Greek city on whose
site Marseilles stands, Fl, 4

Medea, daughter of Aietes, king of
Colchis; mistress of Jason, whose
children by her she killed when
he deserted her, 108

Megaera, one of the Furies; the
others are Tisiphone and Alecto,
124

Melissa, wife of Terentius, an inn-
keeper, 61, 62

Memphis, a famous city of Middle
Egypt, F19

Menecrates, a singer, 73

Menelaus, a tutor, 27, 81

Menophila, mistress of Philargyrus,
a slave, 70

Mercury, 29, 67, 77, 140

Midas, king of Phrygia; he was
judge in a musical contest be-
tween Pan and Apdllo; on his
preferring Pan, Ap'oilo gave him
ass's ears; Midas hid the ears
under a cap, but t^e servant who
cut his hair found them and could
not keep the secret^ P13

Minerva, 29

Mithridates, a slave of Trimalchio, 53

Mopsus, one of the Argonauts, a
famous seer, 55

Mummius, 52

Muse, 135 ; see under Muses

Muses, the nine spirits who inspired
astronomy, history, dancing, and
poetry, 5, F20

INDEX OF NAMES

Myron, a sculptor of the fiith cen-
tury, b. about 480 b.c. at Eleu-
therae in Boeotia, 88

N

Naiad, a nymph of fresh water, 83

Naiads, Pll ; see under N'aiad

Naples, a city in Campania, F16

Nasta, a bailiff on Trimalchio's
estate at Porapeii, 53

Nealce, a woman loved by Petro-
nius, P26

Neptune, 76, 89, 104, 139, P3

Nereids, the fifty daughters of
Nereus and Doris, sea-nymphs,
F23

Nereus, son of Pontus and Gaea,
an old man of the sea with the gift
of prophecy, 139

Nicagoras, F25

Niceros, a friend of Trimalchio, 61,
63

Nile, 121, 134

Niobe, wife of Amphion, whose
twelve children were killed by
Apollo and Artemis because she
boasted herself against their
mother Leto. She was changed
into a figure of stone which still
wept for the children, 52

Norbanus, a rich man of Cumae, 45,
46

Noricum, a province lying between
North Italy and the Danube,
celebrated for its iron manufac-
tures, 70

Numantia, a town in Hispania
Tarraconensis, 141

Numidia, a Roman province in
Northern Africa, 117

Nymph, 83 ; see under Nymphs

Nymphs, spirits of waters, moun-
tains, and trees, 133

Odyssey, 29 ; see under Homer

Oenothea, a woman of Croton, 134,
135, 13«. 138

Olympus, a mountain range bound-
ing Thessaly and Macedonia, the
traditional home of the Gods, 58,
123

Opimius, 34 ; see n. ad loc.

Palamedes, 66

Palatine, the central hill of Rome,
on which the fortress of Romulus
was said by tradition to have been
buUt, 123

Pales, goddess of flocks and shep-
herds, P3

Pallas, a name of Ath6n6, 124, P3,
8

Pannychis, a child attendant on
Quartilla, 25

Pansa, a rich man who left slaves to
Trimalchio, 47

Parentium, a town in Istria, 59

Paris, son of Priam and Hecuba,
husband of Oenone, and lover of
Helen, 138

Paros, one of the Cyclades Islands
in the Aegean, famous for its
marble, which was obtained
chiefly from Mount Marpessa,
126

Parthenope, a name of Naples, which
was founded on the site of an
ancient town called Parthenope,
120

Parthian, 120

Patavium, now Padua, in North
Italy, the birthplace of Livy, F4

Pegasus, the winged horse of Beller
ophon, 36

Pelias, usurping king of lolcus of-
fended Juno by sacrilege, which
at last wrought his undoing as she
assisted Jason in his quest of the
golden fleece, 139

Penelope, wife of Odysseus, P14

Pentheus, 47 ; see note ad loc.

Pergamum, in Asia Minor, capital of
the Roman province of Asia, 85

Persian, 119

Petelia, a town on the east coast of
Bruttium, 141

Petraites, a gladiator, 52, 71

Petronius, author of the Satyricon,
quoted as author of isolated words
and phrases, Fl, 2, 3, 5, 5b, 6, 7,
8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, U, 15, 16, 17,
18, 20, 22, 23, 25

Phasis, 93, 119 ; see under Colchis

Phidias, b. about 490, d. 432 B.C.;
the most celebrated sculptor of
the fifth century, 88

Philargynis, a slave of Trimalchio,
70

41S

INDEX OF NAMES

Phileros, a rich barrister in Cumae,
43, 44, 46

Philippi, 121 ; see note ad loc.

Philomela and Procne, were daugh-
ters of Pandion, king of Attica.
Tereus married Procne, but later
ravished Philomela and cut out
her tongue. When the rape was
discovered he tried to kill the
sisters, but Philomela was turned
into a nightingale, Procne into
a swallow, and he into a hoopoe,
140

Phineus, king of Salmydessus, on
account of his cruelty to his
sons was tortured by the Harpies,
who carried off or defiled his food,
136

Phoebe, 89

Phoebus, 109, 122, 124, 134, F20,
P2, PS, P6, P17, P21

Phrygian, 70

Pindar, lyric poet, of Thebes, b.
about 522, d. about 442 B.C., 2

Pisces, 35, 39

Plato, philosopher, of Athens, b.
428, d. 347 B.C., 2

Plocamus, a guest of Trimalchio, 64

Polyaenus, a name taken by Encol-
pius in Croton, 127, 129, 130

Pompeii, a Roman colony in Cam-
pania, 53

Pompey, statesman and general, b.
106, d. 48 B.C., 120, 123, 124

Pontus, the Black Sea, 123

Praxiteles, of Athens, sculptor, b.
about 390 b.c, 126

Priam, king of Troy, 89

Priapus, child of Aphrodite and
Dionysus, spirit of fertility and
increase, especially worshipped
in towns on the Hellespont, 17, 21,
60, 104, 137, 139, F4

Primigenius, son of Echion, a guest
of Trimalchio, 46

Procne, 131 ; see under Philomela

Proculus, Caius Julius, a guest of
Trimalchio, 38

Proselenos, a servant of Encolpius
in Croton, 132, 137

Protesilaus, a Thessalian slain before
Troy. At the entreaty of his wife
Laodamia Hermes led him back
from death for three hours, and
when he returned Laodamia died
also, 140

416

Proteus, an old man of the sea who
had the gift of prophecy and the
power of transforming himself,
134

Protogenes, of Caunus in Caria, a
celebrated painter of the fourth
century b.c, 83

Psyche, maid to Quartilla, 20, 21
25,26

Publilius, 55; see note ad loc.

Q
Quartilla, a woman devotee of

Priapus in Cumae, 16, 17, 19, 20,

21, 23, 24, 25, 26
Quiris, F22
Quirites, F22

Ram, 35

Rhine, 122

Roman, 5, 28, 57, 92, 118, 119, 120,

123
Rome, 29, 69, 70, 71, 76, 119, 120,

121, 122, 123, 124
Romulus, the traditional founder of

Rome, P9

Safinius, a prominent orator in
Cumae, 44

Sagittarius, 35, 39

Saguntum, a town in Spain, 141

Saturn, 122

Saturnalia, a festival in honour of
Saturn, as the mythical king who
brought agriculture and a new
morality to primitive Italy, 58,
69

Scaurus, a friend of Trimalchio, 77

Scintilla, wife of Habinnas, 66, 67 ,
69, 70, 74, 75

Scipio, Publius Cornelius S. Aemili-
anus Africanus Minor; captured
Carthage and made Africa a
Roman province 146 B.C.; sur-
named Numantius after his suc-
cesses in Spain 133 b.c; he op-
posed the reforms of the Gracchi
and was murdered by their party,
129 B.c, 141

Scissa, a rich woman of Cumae, 65

Scorpio, 35, 39

Scylax, Trimalchio's house-dog, 64

Seleucus, a friend of Trimalchio, 42

INDEX OF NAMES

Senate, 88

Serapa, a Greek fortune-teller, 76

Servius, an eminent lawyer, 137

Sibyl, the title of a prophetess; the
Sibyl of Cumae, whom Aeneas con-
sulted before he visited Hades,
was the most famous of these
women, 48

Sicilian, 21

SicUy, 48, 114, 119

Sinon, son of Sisyphus, the Greek
who persuaded the Trojans to
take the wooden horse into Troy,
89

Sirens, singing maidens said to in-
habit islands ofi the coast of Cam-
pania, whose song charmed all
men, 127

Socrates, son of Sophroniscus, a
sculptor, and Phaenarete, a mid-
wife, of Attica; philosopher and
teacher; b. 469, d. 399 B.C., 128,
140

Socratic, 5

Sophocles, of Colonus, tragic poet,
b. 495, d. 406 B.C., 2

Spanish, 66

Spartan, 5, 40, 105

Stichus, a slave of Trimalchio, 77,
78

Stygian ; Styi is one of the six rivers
of Hades, 121, 124

Stymphalus, a town in Arcadia,
with a lake beside which lived the
man-eating birds whose destruc-
tion was one of the twelve labours
of Hercules, 136

Sulla, Lucius Felix, b. 138 B.C., be-
came dictator after defeating the
party of Marius in 82, reformed
the constitution in the aristocratic
interest after proscribing and
putting to death his prominent
enemies, retired 79, and d. 78 B.C.,
120

Swiss, 19

Syrians, 22

Syrtis, a quicksand on the North
coast of Africa, 93

Syrns, an actor, 62

Tantalus, king of Lydia, father of
Niob« and Pelops; the cause of

EE

his punishment in Hades was an
insult to the Gods of which ac-
counts vary, 82
Tarentum, tlie principal city of
"Magna Graecia, on the west coast
of Calabria, 38, 48, 61, 100, 101
Tarquin, 9 ; see under Lucretia
Tartarus, the place of punishment

in Hades, 124
Telephus, 139 ; see note ad loc.

Tenedos, an island in the Aegean
sea ofi the coast of Troas, 89

Terentius, an inn-keeper, 61

Terracina, a Roman colony on the
coast of Latium, 48

Thasos, an island ofi the coast oi
Thrace, 133

Theban, 80

Thessalian, 89

Thessaly, 121, 124

Thrace, 55

Thracian, 45, 75

Thucydides, of Athens, historian,
b. 471, d. probably in the first
years of the fourth century, 2

Tiryns, an ancient city of Argolis;
Hercules lived there while he was
performing his labours for Eurys-
theus of Mycenae, 124, 139

Tisiphone, one of the Furies, 120
121

Titus, a rich citizen of Cumae, 45

Trimalchio, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31
32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 39, 40, 41,
47, 48, 49, 50, 52, 53, 54, 55, 57,
59, 60, 61, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68,
69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 78, 79

Tritonis; Athene, the guardian of
Athens, was sometimes said to
have been bom at Tritonis, in
Libya, 5

Trivia, a name of Hecate as moon-
goddess, F20

Trojan, 52, 59, 108

Trojans, 89

Troy, 89

Tryphaena, a courtesan, 100, 101,
104, 105, 106, 108, 109, 110, 113
114

Tnllia, a character in the lost portion
of Petronius, F17

Twins, 35

Tyrian, 30

417

INDEX OF NAMES

u

Ulysses, son of Laertes and Anticlea ;
husband of Penelope and hero of
the Odyssey, 39, 48, 97, 105, 132,
134, 139, P14

Virgil, of Andes, near Mantua,
author of the Eclogues, Georgics,
and Aeneid, b. 70, d. 19 B.C., 68,
118

Virgo, 39

Vesta, the Italian goddess of the

hearth, P9
Venus, 29, 68, 85, 127, 128, 138, P23

Zeuxis, of Heraclea, a celebrated
painter of the fifth century, born
between 450 and 440 B.C., 83

Zodiac. 35

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