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SASHA'S TENNESSEE EXPERIENCE
2.45 Lunch over. /.y<W5 backside! Child's face!
3.15 Completely out of control. About equal to 300 mi^es of LSD. I have cracked up. I
must control. Am scared shitless.... I must try not to go to sleep, as I don't dare lose
the visual conection to sanity. I see myself dying.
(SAW SELF AS OLD MAN DYING)
3.45 A nadir of nothingness. I am extremely scared. God help. The is the insanity
game.
3.50 OK again? Not OK again. Was the Vermeer scene out of the window real? Still
life?
4.20 This is stark insanity. My father, clear immediate, speaking to me in Russian,
reading to me, with his patient voice. I am very little , sitting on his knee.
5.00 Recovering control. Know where I'm going. Not hungry.
5.40 Might almost consider venturing into the kitchen.
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do with my life? and was told, Simply be yourself. It was almost 1-1/2 hours.
I was feeling more discomfort than the last time, some stomach squeamishness
and some tension. £7iw *+»**■ felt full in the experience, and reported she didn't
want any more. , T decided to take a supplement to see how it would affect my
discomfort. Cat 1 ?- ^as feeling good, but her vision was blurry with some trouble
focusing. She decided to take more also. Then Cu» : =ti<\^ ■ decided to join us, and
we all took 20 mg. more. Scon after, my discomfort faded away, dk^^'i blurry
vision disappi eared , and we all went outside. Everything immediately sprang to
life, and was fantastically beautiful. G^tf^ was enjoying it immensely. We
went around looking at flowers, CUriThi^ showing me things I had never seen before.
I realized I had never really looked at jasmine before, as well as the incredibly
beautiful orange flowers. We sat in the patio, feeling great warmth and euphoria,
and stayed there until the sun went down and it was too cold to be ouside. We
had marvelous communication, felt extremely close to each other, and felt quite
blessed for the marvelous experience. Food again tasted wonderful, and we kept
visiting pleasantly and talking very openly until 10:00 p.m., when my son and
his wife arrived and some other people and another party started lasting until
midnight. £TJv>-»Tf-i>i~ looked beautiful, and opened up significantly. She reprted the
following for the record:
For some time she has been taking mega-vitamin C and genseng tea, as well as
3-4 grains of thyroid a day for several years. She stopped taking thyroid 2
days previously so as not to interfere with the experiment. Her pulse without
thyroid is usually about 50; the thyroid brings it up to 72. She noticed that this
experience increased her hearbeat to 80. At the height, I noticed my heart was
beating faster also. She pot warm this time, but was not uncomfortable as with
the hot flashes of the time before. Her skin felt moist and soft. She reported
acuity of vision, hearing, smell, and taste, and no unpleasantness.
PXPORT OF PESULTC V.'IT!
January 30, 1978. First experiment was January 28. This one w
does levels, 100 mg. for C^[c^ and 140 for me.
3:00 p.m. Start.
3:10 I can feel slightly.
3:12 I can feel some euphoria. <£^ (<*_ says things are looking better.
3:20 I feel it coming on strongly; <T*"I«- reports slight tingling. -lizes
apprehension ofher mother. Feels elevated pulse. Greens are very preen.
3:25 &r$t*. thinks she is going into phase II, 1/2 pleasant, 1/2 not.
3:28 (V' 8 - reports tingling, buzzing, unpleasant. I see her face distorted, but
realize this could become a judgement, so look up into the beautiful blue s
and am aware of a higher level.
3:35 Ot*^ says discomfort is tapering off. Fingers are tinglii .
3:50 Kot ecstatic. She is afraid of our being found out.
4:25 Discomfort has passed; GwW. is getting a glow
4:50 Ca„\*~- has trouble focussing. Glow comes and goes.
5: M0 Very relaxed. We have a very relaxed, enjoyable evening. Effects tarer
cff pently, leaving us in a very pleasant state, much more alive.
April 30, 1978. £nW<»- and I started at 1:00 p.m. with £/vm- +>' -"- . The girls
each take 100 mg., I take 120. This turns out to be the most pleasant of all
experiences for me, euphoria coming on and steadily rising to a high peak. The
exoerience was also totally pleasant for<^ji . Gwrr,-v begins to feel nauseous,
goes to the bathroom, and throws up. Feels a little better. She sits on sc ; .
has very hot flashes, very hot, uncomfortable. At peak, we go outside, I find
nature brilliantly alive and fantasctically beautiful, the most beautiful I have
ever seen it, with tremendous euphoria. The love amonc the three of us is custanc
We sit outside for a while, and have very open communication. Then £Kri*W*»-
the light is too bright, and we go inside. She is now feelinp good, but wants
to take it easy, not too much light. We converse very openly for several hour ,
with a marvelous feeling of closeness. We all come down very smoothly and gent
At peak time, no one wanted to take a supplement. V.'e visited free
til dark. We ate a deliscious soup C*~\*- had prepared and enioyed it enormous 1 - .
We continued to talk very enjoyable till bedtime, when Ckr\iil*^ departed. The
three of us had never felt closer.
June 9, 1978. The experiment with dT^fisfwu^ was repeated, start
with the same dose level. The session developed nicely, and nc one felt
discomfort. ^Ai-ritJat. preferred to sit with her back to the outside light,
locking at the softly lighted interior, until things beran to become t in
color. She then chose to withdraw and close her eyes and look ins: .
ZurlK's and my interest in going outside. We sat with her inside for 20
minutes, when she came out of it. She later told us she had asked, What
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Companions: <C^&- , c^.-^ , £i,'^i>«/tt
Data: June 17, 1976
Dosage: C&*&- Kelly
<^r^ | £('W*f*-10,
He ingested the substance somwl
It was a beautiful day, and a b<
Going down the hill toward the i
effects were negative, tension
By the time we reached the stre<
the stream and tress were start i
fairly uncomfortable.
after lOiOO A.M. and drove to McDonald's,
tiful place for the experience.
er, I began to feel the effects. The first
d depression, and they continued to grow stronger,
the positive effects began to develop, and
to enhance in their beauty. However, I was
As we climbed up the hill, the experience grew in both dimensions. I became more
and acre uncomfortable, as though carrying a heavy load, with difficult breathing.
Yet everything was slowly but stea^'ij.y growing more beautiful.
The p*.a v of the discomfort came around l:p.m., somewhat before the time that
ci/^be-fk Found her "black hole, The discomfort was both physical and emotional.
By the time we started downhill, around «*:00 p.m., the beauty was far out -weighing
the discomfort, and the balance in the positive direction continued to grow the
rest of the day and evening. For a short time, just before starting down, I
moved into the ecstacy of celestial space. On the way down, the discomfort would
return in waves, but more and more I was able to get out of it. By the end of
our walk, I was enjoying the experience tremendously.
Driving home, I experienced the joy of driving with full perception, although
I did develop a little tension from the confinement of driving by the time we
got home. But driving was no problem, and very enjoyable.
Arrivi: home, with the stereo blasting, and &*:<<- and a friend there, I had such
a welling of emotion that I realised that I could not handle it. Fortunately,
&\c and ;nd left. Then I got a deep insight into m yself for my lack
of responsibility, and my childeish way of wallowing in emotions instead of
mastering
> r\ t '.t
.!+" 4 J
lecessary.
The evening was absolu
ing
gorgeous* I've never seen th
he only flaw was when
!, This has ir.a r
er
ated to see end.
amicus
as
Mo I
pe<
ow it
.ght. I kept g away
Ihrist, and the horrible things I w \g
I have never seen my se reredness so
:th learning. I got many insights into other
y tired. I would have loved to cancel my Father's
t lay around. But I knew I must master myself.
I got up at
Day date in Santa Cruz, a
At f T*63T pel J- .'lit tO "C lift
before. * zombie, slowly and deliberately, I took each move
at a time. It was as though all previous hah
:chen, and started to clean up from the night
i
a m ^
iS>}
Everything got done, and we left the houu -<•«,+ ~. *,
everything got easier, and thl dr£ ™".ry 8 £au?if ul* * I^J '" th * «"•
and most enjoyable day, with much mJnirZ IL i I I ' X had a calm . Peaceful.
The drove home along the c2.?^^^S£'^- /J*? 1 * J Uttta 2 -« ld -
although ^,l. experienced some illne.7f£« over^eaSng! ' ' ' en * rgi " d .
The next morning I had a fine talk with <*<** after wMrh t .
very unusual anxiety. But I was moat Hi.™.\! a a \ ex P erl « nce d «°n>e
the anxiety with a carbohydrate lun^h !£~? /"? Creative ' l «"«»
they do. nyorate lunch, and learned why people often eat as
: felt the experience continue for many davs and f«»»i *k.+ *«. *
most profound and deep learning experience! 'l hi, *£*?** lt '* ° ne ° f th «
^wirir 1 Aieph_u •**- and wouid *«**»-* *» to
3L%^
EXPERIENCE WITH-MDMA
Participants: <^u-l<*- > £>;c / K«Hy
Date: July 15,1978
A.M. , £*„!* a-d ^ic with 100 mg. each Kelh with 120.
I to feel; K*/H *"vi (Wl*- have
11:00 All have developed nicely, everyone is enjoying the experience.
£„,c begins to have a lot of insight about the way she is treating her body.
She sees that she is abusing her body a lot with much alcohol, lack of sleep.
Mentions a number of times.
11:35 We all decide to take booster: 6«i<ia^ (JWc •■ 20 mg.; £t(h uo mg.
:00 C**^*"- 6 & lC feel lazy, £\-ta_feels non-verbal. I am enjoying the
experience very much. The extra amount completely wipes out any trace of tension
interference with complete enjoyment.
iching, and starting to come down. £a^ta f EFV/c-
are very much in it. We have had a lot of excellent communication, with the
marvelous freedom from defensiveness that seems to be a characteristic of this
material.
1:00 Jaw clenching gets quite intense for me, I presume as a result of the larger
booster. The others are o.k.
0(^u»- is aware of her teeth and gums; feels she is coming down. I am over
I fine, as does 6,ie £vic has been sleepy, lying
with eyes closed, little conversation.
i &*■*+->. 'frees friend, came by. We all visited with
pleasantly until she left. She was net a distraction at all.
very
:15 6kA^- is feeling some tension and let-down from the peak. iHvi*- and I
are quite peaceful.
3 £" ,<: go over to£ws . Carl*- and I have a most pleasant, peaceful
evening, feel very closa» We feel very good about being able to share the experience
with l$*it , and felt a marvelous bond among the three of us.
< r • .
x<*i
1
Participants: <5\*i+<\~J tC<.H r
Data: July 9, 1978
Dosaga: 20 rag. each, taken at 9:25 A.M.
but otherwise develop nic.lv It ^^!: it somewhat, with some tension.
exp.ri.no. for the first llL imVTff.T !"" we ar « al °"« *» •»
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IcSet but 1^ excal £r vi8it ; * - enjoying natu ™ ™* ™ ch - I ««» "t
quiet wavLdtvilnS^* "■? pUl - Natu ™ is beautiful in an enhanced by
? feel much ^ / \ "** ?° !° ent#rtaln ld « as of many different natures;
is "at an5oy^!I. and ^^ th " ** HMh ' f ° r "^ althou « h < ha ^t,r
f; l ^S a J Ual r: y dr °E 8 ^ f i6comfoivt «<» *«in. to accept me more, which I sense
is hard for her. We continue to talk quite freely.
Around 2 p.m. , we go back to bed and lay there for 2 to 3 hours. We both
relt quite tired, and it was very peaceful to lie in bed. I begai to feel
dWs :loseness very much, and enjoyed immensely our being together. While
♦m. T f eel w muc * Mn ?°ry enhancement, I felt I was aware of the enormous ootential
this material has in this direction as two persons care more for each other."
^i!*- an ? Z greW in closen « ss through the rest of the day, and even on through
the week. We retired early, as we felt very tired. However, I felt fine the
next day and got a lot done without distraction. We felt the let-down from
this experience was quite gentle and very pleasant and peaceful, although we felt
tired. The feeling of tiredness did not linger afterwards, as it does with me
with MDMA, and I was very alert and energetic for the following week. divi*- and
I achieved a new closeness, so that we feel much more e
when we are physically close, and have enjoyed en el
this experience very appreciabi-
try it again, with a larger amount.
,isu
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visual component ... by thj ear. that there wj
retinal activity and stationary objects undulated, pulsed, wove about, inhalated &
c some, th discomfort lasted throughout the experience; r led
with walking about or focused attention. Everyone except
£H. -recti on about 3 _ 3i hrs. after initial dose. .Vith the correction
to about 2>-+. There se be a c
as a topical analgesia (I fc
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REPORT OF EXPERIENCE With I
Date: September 8, 197P
Participants: ^eg ,£/.i*i^.lA.f»W>- • H»/'y a^ £fc/fr
Background: £r-«3 * 6"//"i«.£>«'k_ were visiting for two days, at the same time that
7ftfi'*»*_ arrived for a visit. We spent a very pleasant day visiting, but
not feeling well. She reports that she was suffering a horrendous depress ;'
anxiety, and felt exhausted, -completely below the line. 6\>-^ noticed her state,
and suggested that an KDKA experience would be helpful. All agreed, and T^t*-^
had been hopeful that she would have an opportunity to repeat the experience,
as she had gotten so much from her first one. So the exoeriiHpnt was conducted
on the following afternoon, after the practical ratters of the arrangements were
completed, including the weighing of the doses.
2:20 D.m. All ingest 120 m.g. of MDMA exceptkei'i , who started with 100 m. .
The experience developed nicely for everyone. It was a perfectly beautiful
the air nice and warm, bright and sunny, with marvelous visibility and the colo]
of fall showing on the mountains. We walked around the property, and responded to
the beauty of the surroundings. After an hour we returned to the house and sat
outside on the deck. Ey this time, everyone had blossomed and opened up and
were feeling marvelous. fc*i'r became deeply relaxed, and all of her troubles
melted away. Everyone's faces became soft, young looking, ^nd took on a transc
look. The experience seemed particularly rich and deep.
3:50 p.m. All took a supplement cf 40 m.g., including Ke'iT which is the largest
supplement she had taken. The experience continued to deepen for everyone, and
we had a marvelous time being together, sharing each other, and feelinr the depth
cf our experience. We felt a particular blessed group, as we all fit in so well
together. We could not get over how effective this agent is in permitting everyone
to drop their concerns, complete relax, and feel the deep warmth of their inner
bein" .
5:00 p.m. (approximately) We moved inside to listen to music. I put on thi I
of the Grieg Lyric Pieces, which we listened to in its entirety (90 minutes).
were extremely at piece, the music was outstar. ' beautiful . to
aid us all in going much deeper within ourselves. We felt the experience tc
particularly prof ound . -frti<w^ left during the music to visit a neig
came back later. We ate lightly, soup and bread, and yet it seemed complete
adequate and satisfying. Then we li stened to 7af,«#i«- ?in" as she played the
guitar, and it seemed also very appropriate and maintained thegroup boi .
The afterglow the next day seemed particularly outstanding. Everyone felt
been a particularly moving experience, and it was difficult to separate. I<eii
was totally changed and had risen completely above the line, where she
since.
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REPORT OF EXPERIENCE V.'ITH '
<Date: Aupust 20, 1978.
!
[Participants: Wo//-, , -r^+/«M_*_ . *~-<j ~£e.k.4—
fStart: 9:50 A.M. All participants ingested 100 it. .
110:10 Everyone is beginning to feel effects.
■410:30 All are feeling strongly. 7a^i<**^*_ feels that it hits her very suddenl .
;had started in the living room, where there is lots of light and excellent views
"jout of the windows, and a lot of interesting things to look out around the ro^ .
'But when we stepped outside, it seemed to come on stronger.
took chairs down to sit under the cottonwood trees, which were most pleasant.
-.A nice breeze carressed us and whispered in the trees. The scenery was magnificent.
first everything seemed too bright, but as we accomodated ourselves to the
.brilliant sunshine, we began to observe the marvelous detail in the mountains
-iacross the plains. The desert foliage was most interesting, and remarkably different
from plants on the Coast. ^»/'y felt heavily intoxicated. She had been extrerr
tired and tense the night before, with appreciable pains in her neck and shoulders.
••{She felt the experience was a great tranquilizer, and her body felt numb.
jll:20 V.'e take supplements, fa. ft'A*~&a~* d Z.*k.<_ , 20 me., <jJoll, 10 mg. (the balance of
our supply). H*ih was feeling so heavily intoxicated that at first she thought
she would refuse the supolement, but when she learned the distribution of the
: remaining capsules, she opted for the 10 mg. (I had originally planned to take
-the 10 and give the girls 20.)
7a.';<*»*~ sailed for 3 hours with the experience. At the end of three hours ( 12 : 5*
-she suddenly came out of the spontaneous experience, and began corticalizinp about
her work and life situations.
I experienced considerable enhancement of perception, but was not as completely intc
the experience as I have been with larger amounts. I experienced a great deal of
cortical activity, simular to what I am more used to with LSD, which I have never
- before experienced with this compound. This was partly the result of our not
: too talkative, /»*•//* feeling very relaxed and T~i.i-<'*++- and myself enjoying our experience,
J I keenly felt the absence of our former companions on this journc .
'After the supplement, we walked around the property for a couple of hours, feeli-
i very content, relaxed, and enjoying the beautv. At first we felt so relaxed we
-I didn't feel like walking, but once we started it was effortless. It felt v<
r>d to walk around and look at thinps.
■12:30 We come back to the living room, all feeling very languid. We sat around
J and talked for a while, and then M>/'r and I took naps in which we slept very ce-
J fully, -fa-tia.*.*. read a while, and then took a nap.
I Later in the afternoon, we took showers, which was very refreshing, and had a deli
I ful visit with our neighbors, the Z/**.s For my birthday, they took us
I at their resaurant, where we had a late dinner. 7^/;«~*- ordered a steak, which
1 not sit too well with her, and that evening had an attack of diarrhea, and her
1 stomach still bothered her the next morning. Otherwise, everythin g was mo
enjoyed the Z — *■* very much, and were very content and peaceful. _ H»'h i
relaxed and no lonrer pushed by the compulsion to clean u P the house immediate .
V\ L-
REPOPT OF EXPERIENCE
Date: October 21, 1978
Subjects: Oo-t**, &;*.*>-<!>efr> <^>-<>9 > ^^n/tj ^a*c/y, 3<*-st*«- , /<IeV/y
Ingested: Aleph U, 7 ir..g. for Cavi*-, P(a»ueJA* S a *- d i > 8 m E> for //( *#r , 10 m.g.
for Sharon, Bob, and Sasha (I am sure of the 7 and 8 amounts, not so
sure if 10 is the right amount for the last 3, )
Time: Experiment started at 10:00 A.M.
I personally felt in the best shape for this experiment than in a long time.
We drove to the hiking area we have dubbed ■ l V*-/«As*% because it starts up behind
the house that <^*Jtif- built. As we got out of the car and started up the hill,
I was feeling quite good. This was some 40 minutes after ingestion, I remembered
that with my first Aleph 4 experiment, as soon as I felt any affects, I felt uncom-
fortable, and the discomfort grew as the affects became stronger, along with the
enhanced perception. This time I felt euphoric with the first traces, and was
confident that I would head up into a pleasant exprence, and reported so to Sasha.
As we climbed up the hill, 1 to 1-1/2 hours in, the euphoria grew, assdid the beauty
of the surroundings.
Around noon, we settled into a little valley with a magnificent view of the
surrounding countryside, I was feelinp the effects much more strongly, and was
beginning to get a trace of discomfort, I was aware of the beauty o^ our surroundings,
and noticed, some visual hallucinations when looking at homes as the hills across
the Vrilley, in the form of smoke trailing across. I lay back and looked up at the
sky, and the sky and clouds were incredibly beautiful. I sensed my Dain as my
inability to accept such fantastic beauty— it was if it were more than I could
bear, I became aware of how my cybernetic system is accustomed to joy, and felt
hew Brand it was to let joy creep into the various corners of my being. I felt
Sasha' s greatness next to me, and how wonderful it was to have the ©opportunity for
such experiments,
I thcurht the experience was progressing nicely at this point, but unfortunately
the discomfort continued to increase. It felt good to lay back and watch the
sky, and close my eyes. With eyes closed, I had some marvelous imaeery, which
most often took the form of various plastic shapes imbued with color. At times
the colors reached intense brilliance of magnificent beauty. Yet nothing seenied
to relieve the tension that was building up, and continued to build up throughout
the afternoon.
The rest of the afternoon, there were many experiences of great beauty, but I was
always pulled into the great pain I was experiencing, and could not get free of
it, I regretted asking for an additional m.g, of dosage, and felt I had too much,
but saw nothing I could do but ride it through. The experience was so intense
I fait I could do little to direct it, but just flowed with it. It was hard to
gat my analytical mind to work. This showed up most strongly when I took a little
walk aside with Sasha, and he computed the directions by the position of our
shadow. I could in no way majre my mind follow the reasoning to establish direction,
I simply went blank, and was astounded by my inability to think.
The affedts continued well into the evening. Going down the hill, I felt at
maximum intoxication, and at some moments had very beautiful experiences. They
would lift me out of my pain into intense enjoyment, then I would subside back into
I
-2-
the pain. In my first aleph 4 experience, the late afternoon and evening were
glorious, but this time the tension held on right through the rest of the day, the •
evening, and even through the night. It was not until the next day that I felt
relaxed, euphoric, and at peace.
The pain I felt all afternoon and evening was the rasult of experience the blackest
side of my life. It seemed as though everything I had done was totally wrong, and
I could only see the baack side of everything: my marriage, my move to Lone Fine,
my withdrawal from life. I experienced myself as completely empty, just being a
parasite on others, constantly taking and contributing very little. Such simple
acta as tending the fire and washing the dishes brought temporary relief from
•uch feelings. I felt all my major life decisions were wrong, and yet I could
aee no way out, as I had boxed myself in by reducing my income, and moved into
a eimple life style which I had no way to reverse. The thought that my activities
at Multi-Media were no longer needed and I must find another source cf income
waa extremely frightening. And the extreme irony was that I was supposed to be
a proponent of higher conseaounsness, and man's limitless abilities, and yst I
could find nothing but emptiness in myself. I wanted to crawl back to Lone Fine
and die.
During the night i churned and churned over these issues, and came to peace with
returning to Lone Pine and becoming a better partner to <5*+/*- t if she really wished
to return with me. I could see that n:y dissatisfactions were my unwillingness
to face unsatisfactory sreas in myself, which I resolved to correct. Cne of the
main elements here was to stop using her unwillincness as an excuse for me not to
do things which I know in my heart should be done.
The following day was by and large a day cf great peace and warmth. It was marvelous
to be with the rest of the ercup, and I was still quite open to all o* the surrounding
baauty. Plunging into such activities as giving K<>j*-k a bath with total un-self-
eooaciousness was a great joy. I could rsee and appreciate the wonderful qualities
of all the other group members.
During the next few days, anxiety returned muif times, anc it took time to totally
wear off the tension. However, I began to learn ways to dissipate thn pain. This
ia primarily by instead of allowing myself to be blocked by the pain, to turn it
around and see what can be done. There would follow a flow of creative ideas of
many alternative cctions, which felt very pood to i.ee. I learned the importance
of once seeing what needed to be done, to move quickly, before letharpy set? in,
aa the moving ana acting releases new anergy.
Thu drive back to Lone Pine was a very beautiful one for both ^"^ and myself
waa like having another good experience, as we were both wide open.
much energy, and were not tired from the long drive. We both felt very good to
be home again, and we have much new energy and insight.
It
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REPORT OF EXPERIENCE WITH MDMA
Datsi November 11, 1978
Participants: Tktia**- , <?<**<*- , j^-^r
Dosage: Ck.* 1 * 100 m.g.; "7X//-C**. and &//y 120 m.g.
Initial ingestion was at 12:40 p.m. The experience continued smoothly for all.
It was a cold and stormy day outside, so except for one brief interlude for
/<e/ly , the participants remained inside all day. For the first two hours, the
sun broke through the clouds so it was pleasant in the living room. When the
cloud cover became more solid, a fire was started and maintained through the
day and evening.
The affects weren't noticed too much at first. I notice only slightly after
1/2 hour; I wonder if I am getting somewhat immune. The mountains, with some
fresh snow and cloud cover, are very beautiful. After about 40 minutes, " become
aware that I am carrying a great burden. It is not unpleasant, but interferes with
the free-flowing intoxication often previously experienced. It gradually subsides
as I pay attention to the beauty around me.
2t20 p.m. All take 40 m.g. supplement.
Ws are all feeling very good, very relaxed. i<tM Y <*~d %*.«-+'* s^ faces turn very soft
and very beautiful. We have very free, very open discussion. T&i+*+- is particularly
insightful and responsive, seeming to know exactly what we are saying ev en as we
forti the words.
I take the dogs outside. It is sharp and clear and cold. I am transported by the
beauty, particularly the wonder of the clouds and the sky. I feel the enormity
of this research project and its potential meaning to mankind, how marvelous It
is to be able to have such an experience, and I feel most grateful to be a participant
in such a glorious movement. I am aware of /*s^ W <?-v and how marvelous it all
is.
I enjoy the outside beauty and freedom for about 20 minutes, then feel called to
rejoin the girls. It is extremely pleasant around the fire, feeling our closeness
and enloying the flames. <&*/+ feels very languid, called inward. >«*«—■ P lavs
and sings to us; it is most beautiful. I feel much energy, and readily get up
to get things others wish — tomato juice, later soup.
i
The experience trails off leaving us all very mellow. ™*~ ^LT^-dTd „
we play a tape, and nap in front of the fire until we decide to retire at 9.00 p.m.
Th. next morning I feel light and energetic, quite different than I usually JJj*
after using this substance. We all feel good, and have a nice hike in th« brilliant
clear sunshine, but somewhat nippy air. We are all open to the outside b-.ty.
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j £w«_ revicus experiences with earlii cl ielic subst
oven an excellent subject. not had an e: ' v - seve 1
: -.ce the adverse reaction of /W^e, , Neva- tried the experience once
and found it very uncomfortal . ' * her severe stomach pains for sever
lis was about 6-7 years ago. f^f-ia^o. has been a ?^rd subject
•" 5 an < tA*o has Leer an excellent subject with other substance?, =
Lous to tr- . "' i vere e?«ev to part ' " e in the Christmas Day experiment,
Lngfu] Christmas Eve - 1 sr.
: 7Sy>^«.A oc^e/ Zek^_ 120 . . 11 others 100 m.g.
10:4-5 Start.
<5w-&*- Ly, lcc£<<**^- waking, /Vei^»_ P little dizzy like diet control
viously, <2w~- feels slightly.
Ne***- lizzy, <3>«"'*<-- somew] at. Zef^e. r eels it com . - 1 t pull
S !U.
°:' r Heis*- f. vxrl; hard »<** to keep from fainting. Finds it hard to concentrate,
to r eel bett . veryone is it- " ow everyone else is lighted u .
The eyes partic" look I' uid.
' take U0 m.g. supplem<
j ^ience continues with I I rienc/ great irm d closeness. T, 'e stay c ? cse
Ntiso- does not feel like tside. Others go out in the bright
surshine bri F] , and enjoy the fresh air, but principally all want tc stay together,
It fee" to be close, and talk freely. Everyone becomes quite relaxed.
ience tapers cf r very nicely tc a ' leasant afternoon and eveninj .
NQvtK- is aware that she r the experience. ~T^ee> dro: --? 1 the worries and
;erns of the "medical schoi '. 'e all feel much closer to each other.
T^fia^^ 4 C«*^j2*_ have enjoyed the experience very much, and the softness and relaxat
Lt. 11 are grat r the opportunity to spend Christr-
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MDMA.
REPORT OF EXPERIMENT WITH MBBA
Date l November 25, 1975
Participants: y>c\»icr a.*-d d^i't>l>c>-+k. , ^cAe a^-c/ <?^42**—
Initial dosage: 100 m.g. for X<\»ieir , £jit>UH~a*d <5*~/e<. 120 m.g. for ZeKe
The chemical was infested at 10:50 A.M.
11:05 ^wa. reports petting tingly, e«*ited, I feel some euphoria
11 j 23 I feel intoxicated, much more than in recent experiments
11:25 /<tw€^- feels real strong. (jr-Lhott^ feels nothing, is worried that it won't
work because she takes so many different drugs that she is refractory, and will need
a lot more.
Ilt35 &'&x><- finally feels it strongly. She lies down on the floor, is tingly.
Her face is quite drawn; she experiences many conflicts. Che doesn't want to discuss
in front of . /i^" e ^ , Cw*_ encourages her to move out to the back patio in the sun,
and stays with her. /i^/V" and I go for a walk out front.
It had been -totally overcast and rainy all week, but today was a beautiful, warm
sunny da> , with fascinating clouds in the sky. df.tec**. is very happy to have <3w«.
to talk to, and has much confidence in her, after several days of their visiting
together.
I an quite impressed the way AW-"- has expanded. I feel him strongly, it a very
euphoric vay. He looks yourrer, relaxed, he feels good. He walk through the
unusually beautiful neighborhood he lives in — beautiful homes set well back with
lots of separation, beautifully landscaped with many trees and bushes. The area
was orifinally 8 beaautiful pine forest. There are few areas so nice in the country,
and this was a particularly beautiful day. >6 "''«*- notices the beauty, and comments
how he never allows himself to enjoy a day like this, but bogs himself down with
work. He feels two very strong weve of drug action, not unpleasant but not pleasant,
but overwhelming. They pass, leaving him feeling good after the wave. He notices
that his back, which has been bothering him for several months, does not hurt as
much, and we wlalk much further than would ordinarily be ccmfortable for him.
12:20 Supplement time. We return to the girls, fai/i'er does not want the supplement,
but all else take 40 m.g. <^^^oti~- has become to come out of the deep state of
conflict she was in, and notices how young and relaxed /+>"*r looks, and how bright
his eyes are, without their usual glaze. She asks us to leave her with &'<"- again,
and /*•*'*" and I continue our walk. I am having a glorious experience, feeling
very good with y^<er , and the weight of any past differences dropped away. I am
pleased he is having such an excellent reaction, since he approached the experiment
with many reservations.
The experiment trails off nicely, with good feelings all around, ^'ei- gets hungry
and .nakes himself a sandwich. He wants to watch a football game on TV that he had
previously set himself up for. I join the girls fcr relaxed discussion.
Later in the evening, we go out to eat ex a cafateria, having a nice, relaxed evening.
Unfortunately, X<?^/e*- quickly returns to some of bis established routines.
ot~j
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REFOFT <">r rypFpjr^or ujtu «/n;-c
Data: January 25, 1979
Participants: ^rga^a^d ~Ze.k-z_
Dosage: (V&- 100 m.g,, ~Zek& 120 m.g.
Start: 8:38 A.M.
8:50: I fael slightly. Am more aware of internal processes with the smaller group.
9:00: C^-ia. reports that eyes are out of focus. This has been * c-mTn reaction.
I wonder if the relaxing effect of the chemical isn't relaxing her eyes. I ask her
to try her glasses. She sees much better with them.
9:05: 1 feel a stronger wave.
b:G/: Cc&k. begins to feel effect — a lightness, about to drift
9:15: (3*'0«- gpea tc the bathrooa for the 3rd time. Feels cleansed, pureed, relaxed.
?:17: I feel a little diszy. The Jehov^'s Wittness representative drives ud.
Ca.r£*. handle! her nicely and she leaves,
9:40: we ^re deeply intc the exnerience, C2»#-43* feels verv Introspective, =ind ; a
quiet. I lock outside at the clouds, the beautiful nountsins. I find the quiet
leads to a far different l cind of experience, '■:uc' , more like LSD. f ^«?e much imagery
and great beauty in the clou'- , an e* erience profound reflliz^ti^n' - ..
10:10: lie Loth take ^0 m.g. supplement.
10:20: I go outside, bundlen uo v/all for the cold. It is im- clear cold dey, with
beautiful clouds banging over the mountains, partly scptte^eH, It la like stepping
into v whole new world. Evervthin? Lights uo, and everything is profoundly beautiful.
I fe*l the very deep love I have for this country.
Back inside, (3*^ and I ha^e a ouiet, relaxed time, ^he is verv aoft and beautiful,
and reports the same fcr me. Mostly we spend the time in ciuiet, listen inp to music.
We have a discussion about teamwork. The afternoon oasses surori sinply -■ ''c'- 1 ".
3:00 p.m. We are enjoying the experience enormously, feel in? exf-emelv re*=xe J ,
•uphoric, and renewedr I feel the intoxication is over, an, J quite no^i, yet unusually
good and open, and my body very light. We drive to town to ir.pil some Letters *hat
irust go out in the afternoon mail. The ride is most enjoyable, and the scenery and
change of view is marvelous. Back home, a walk with the dogs fin^* Ttsi* body e> trembly
light and energetic.
«*i30t We watch sunset approaching, listening to Ravel's Daphne and Chloe. We stand
at the dining room French door entranced. The setting sun lights up the clouds ever
the Itsi't's , The cloud formations and the music are simply superb. One hugecloud
looka like the spaceship from "Close Encounters . . .", with all of the feelir:,;s
of other, more intelligent life. We are spellbound until the music ends. A perfect
ending for a perfect day.
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"3>v~b
REPOR* of IXFERIENCE WITH 2-CD
This report is to record some of the highlights of ny first experience with thi
sub8tr>nre.
I fogested 25 rr.e. on February 9, 1979, in the company of ■*)•// y - c^-*! *~^ f5K\*.b^t.
* / W^(o. o*~d 5^nvJ>t ' ~3*-lce_^ and Sa^. 1 -■>.
The experience r*-?veloped very nicely and smoothly, and remained ^n except ionaxly
rmo^ 4-1 ' experience throughout the flay* It was not ? particularly Intense experienctg
■ j " t - 3oubt trouJ " '" ave been move so at a Little ' Lghc Level, as reported
v... ..<-\ fTSt However, it was a very enjoyable experien< ~, aiid I r <.-lt mud closeness
pj, 4 r , 1 v.-t'- with all the others,
h*»#ably ~ l ' most lrai tic effects I noticed -X several houi - nc*
■ let of very !ari bad ; . Tl darl ■-.. a! Lightest Ln a
— t] I hi nev e v i Fore, of very subtle differencs o c shading
^y „» ,•-.-... -j.^..,* .- ' that the paints' ou] er] ' al> com ate fe< Bid
r*orTir> '■ "■'■ "- ' 5, -~-r rt . J l" - | 'lie
*„,,». c ^r +j • .- • • than 'le ' | - ; ch are
son obvious.
Wu»t - ■ - iceable " r r substance Is th« vgow.
-\ | , ... • . ,i . : . -.. - j Faction, eace, eternal
•twngth t] DIOS1 - rarding. Tut- . thli Feelinj lastc sveral
r the s«»xt three ■ , . te oi bein]
thinj- to !o, almost i -r ■-- tl be accomplished in the t: , I remajMi
t, i-.v.Z woi ' ' easy grace that be! Led the i .
Thursday, i • Jrive tc I les, U<»ll> an. " I n feJt i - oi
- r ■ • . :. . irience. At oi Int I i
-rv- e t h ar on the day of the experience!) thst 1 I to try 1 it in
writ Jr. - .
At th« meeting T attended cr Friday, I felt that the Inner peace si that
I sad gained cc * ributed : oyr.ent of the .'---ion
J en^c--? 1 tntc witl various participants.
3\4
Date: February 19, 1979
REPORT OF MDMA EXPERIENCE
Participant-: Ti<f <■*>»•«- - ^2*.-^ > *— <L tK-c/'v
Dosage: ^V'«-, 100 mg. T^**^ and /fee//y , 120 m.g.
Background: 7Si//***. has been run down since Christmas, dropping in and out of
the flue, with low energy, and with a raspy throat that has affected her throat
and prevented her from singing (she is an excellent singer, accompanying herlself
on the guitar). She asked for an experience, so we set up this day in her apartment
!■ Berke/^Y-
Start: 11:30 A.M.
11 1*4: (fa*-/£». is beginning to feel.
J2:CP Kt/hi <**■<* £<**4<^. are feeling it more strongly. "^*~*- is cold,
12:03 notice that the three brightly colored Mexican finger paintings on the
wail are cominp to life very vividly. After looking at the paintings, /<•*/<<***_
feels strongly hit. I feel woozy, We notice that compared to the finger paintings,
tne Indian sand paintings next to them appear' stiff and mechanical.
L2l21. lit***- and I feel cold and put on more clothing. Cir&x. feels ^ood being
cold. It is i cloudy day outside. Tk/,i,^% living cooir has a dark ro^c*. wall
paper. - find it rettinp very bright and very attractive. I doubt if I willever
sec I U tain. I am intensely intoxicated, probably the deepest ever. Everyone's
skin has softened. CewJa. a~~d -fct.'<*^*- look radiar.t and beautiful. We all fee?
glori< ; .
12: "5. fhe sun has broken through the clouds. We step out on the little balcony,
into the sunshine, and observe the plants -%/,'«»+- is growing. It is beautiful and all
outside. The clouds are striking, I see intense, brilliant white light in the clouds
that is very elevating,
^:C0. All take ~C m.g. supplement.
1:20. CqtPa. reports that the supplement has hit her stronger than the first amount.
Tnis nay be because of her initial lower dose. She things she may start with more
next time. Everything is dancinp. She has trouble focusing, SKe is extremely
relaxed. She notices some internal carting,
1:30, We are all extremely relaxed and euphoric, 7Sy&*«. sings to us. She plays
and sings perfectly, Fer voice is angelic, with no trace of the earlier raspiness.
This is true in her speech also. Time passes rapidly, unnoticed.
3:00, We go for a walk in the neighborhood. It is beautiful outside, and we deeply
appreciate the beautiful shrubbery and trees, and the well-kept homes,
3:40, Back in the e«# apartment, leiti****- feels too tired to sing more. We put on
Don Quixote, by Richard Strauss. The music is beautiful. Everyone feels very relaxed,
and Tifta**. ou*4 dt~&>- feel tired, Cet-Q*. still reports eye darting. All have experienced
some slight jaw clenching, but it passes quickly,
5:30, After eating (I am ve.y hungry, mttrm -o than previously), we drive up Pacific
Avenue high up on the mountain, with a marvelous view overlooking <CahcJ^d and the Valley.
ve
We return for a quiet, restful evening. Tseffr***— is aware how she has been pushing
herself and not getting enough rest. We ill feel renewed.
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EXPERIMENT WITH 2-CD
Date: March 20, 1979
Subjects: 2e^ <-^c< -riw //>r
Dosage: 25 m,g.
R:^5 A.M.: Ingestion, on an empty stomach. The previous day had been quite stormy,
with snow and rain. This morning it seemed to be clearing, but low-lying clouds
moved in, and it was cold outside.
9:25: j^*//"i begins to notice. We have been listening to Willi*.')' piano recording
(the local valley pianist), and it is beautiful. I have felt somewhat, and have
hint"} enjoying the beautiful clouds. I notice I am alittle dizzy when I stand up.
Jean turns off the heatetfr
9:32: ^»Hi is very aware of her body. It is strange, totally different than previous
time with the group. Things are coming to life, I fee naseau, but it passes quickly,
9:3B: I am cold, even with the heater back on, M//y
10:03: tJ»ih is uncomfortable. We both feel much more impact from the chemical than
previous time, I feel quite intoxicated,
10:30: We go outside. It is chilly, but the sun peaks through the clouds to warm
us. It is perfectly beautiful outside. Fortunately, no wind. Everything is crystal
clear, the mountains are covered with fresh snow, beautiful clouds hang over the
mountain. We notice that spring is bursting out everywhere, with wonderful shades
of green everywhere as new plant life appears, and new grass is growing in the meadow.
We notice the rocks and plants in great detail. We have a marvelous walk down to
the stream, where I show Uoih a pool I discovered the day before where we might grow
trout. We enjoy watching the stream, and the marvelous outdoors until almost noon.
12:00: It has clouded over, and gotten colder. We notice the tremendous emptiness
of our stomachs, and go back to the house to eat. I feel much energy running, but
a slight upset to my stomach. We seem to have passed the peak, with the intoxication
having passed, but otherwise we are feeling marvelous. Scrambled epps taste outstanding.
We are both famished. All my stomach discomfort disappears after eating. Holjy
felt a slight stomach discomfort after eating, and after a while it went away.
12:30 - 1:30 We still, listening to the piano Susie* which seems especially fitting,
Iren is very much with us. We both feel a little tired, and enjoy lying down listening
to the music. It is most peaceful and euphoric.
1:35 I feel a marvelous afterglow developing. We go for a stroll, and visit our new
neighbor who is constructing his house. We wander about the property, enjoying the
marvelous glow, which continues the rest of the day. We have a splendidly relaxed
afternoon and evening. At night we enjoy quietly reading in front of the fire.
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: All take 120 r . .
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i+:12 . . Start
ilaration as does^oll^ . W°'^ 'getting; a buzz on."
4:54 After initial rush, it has been quiet.
stai
I notice the effect much more when I
intoxicated, as isW#lW- -Mol/V notices heightening of perception,
: everything getting very colorful. Everyone is beginning to feel deep" .
Lveryone looks young and soft, and everyone feels very warm and close feelings for
other, which are expressed. -T ecH*i-«. oi»«<f ~tU*j> feel particular close, and are
rossed with each other. We walk outside, where it is particularly alive and beauti-
il. ?e alll eling wonderful. &>lh comments that 120 m.g. is much better
than 100 m.g», which has been her starting doese up to now, I notice a great beauty
in the Arizona cypress which had never particularly struck me before.
all take 40 m.g. supplement. TWo asks for music, and we play W/lie'S records,
ch seem particularly appropriate for this experience. We share much love and
heightened feeling. Everyone feels so alive and relaxed and how wonderful it is to
re this experience together.
7:04 "7^.fi<»K*_ remarks that the experience was a long time coming on for her, althr:
she was relaxed and tranquil. With the supplement she kept getting higher an^ 1 higher.
We speculate that this might have been because she was so tired and got so little
s]eer for a couple c s, after being very busy in Mexico and coming right \r> here
th no time to rest. She has noticed for the last 10 minutes a strobe-light effect.
Is this the same as eye -dart in
8:30 We spend more time outside enioving the marvelous beauty of the moonlight,
9:47 After a most relaxed and enjoyable evening, we finally get around to eatir^.
- taste - srful.
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This is a summary cf my experience after ingesting 100 m.g. of MDOH on April 2P,
9, in the company of Courier, MasctJ*. a^d $Vc/y , ^i^^b^^o^s C^^i <*~d 8>"v*r and Sasha.
The intoxication came on fairly rapidly. In about 30 minutes, I was intensely intoxicated,
and pore deeply than with r .It was a glorious feeling, and all the other members
"he group looked superb. Everyone shown with a marvelous glow, particularly Sasha.
Ctult^l coked particularly beautiful as I observed pher during the day.
The presence of all members of the group was quite warm, and beauty everywhere was
enhai . The house seemed very special, and a perfect setting for the experiment.
Ever thii \ in the house seemed to have been very tastefully selected, and fit in
beautifully. ^wttfa. a~d <,*^d r 't personality and poodness were reflected in their
ice of ornaments and decorations.
Outside the sunshine was marvelous, and all was lush with the beauty of growing
he view of the bay was inspirinp, the sky and clouds were beautiful and
peaceful.
th eyes closed, it felt marvelous, and it was quite appealing to pursue inner
experience. However, because I had seen so little of the others in past weeks, I
erred not to withdraw, but to stay in contact.
I did notice an interna] dryness which was characteristic o QMA, I had a similar
Fficulty in urinating, but not as intense as with
• ' - ternoon, when I walked barefoot on concrete, I was amazed to feel the
concrete as soft and textured. I had never before experienced such liveness throi
feet. This has stayed with me to a good extent.
Our walk around the block with /tytx*/' 3 - <**-<'' S*m/t was a marvelous experience. Everything
rich and beautiful, and conversation sc pleasant and easy, although drink-'
in the beauty limited conversation.
The experience held on through the eveninp. By dark, there was a little tension developing
ilsr to the after-effect of amphetemine. It would have been welcome to lie on the
nd listen to music and relax, but pr?ir. I did not want to ?ive ud the contact
with the others.
I drove home, and the early nart of the drive was beautiful, and flowed effortlessly.
sver, by the time we got back, I was beginning to feel tired, and welcomed the
-rtunity to po to bed. Sleep was numb and dreamless.
The next morning, I felt extremely detached and tired, like a zombie, very much like
morning after my first Aleph-4 experience. Iwas extremely content end relaxed,
nothin.r bothered me, but activity was an effort. I did yard work, having to rest
frequently, but enjoying it immensely. That night at a party I had a wonderful time,
felt very free. However, for the next 3 days at work, I felt washed out, and had
a hard tire concentrating on my work. I would have loved to flake cut in the sun.
energy returned, and I felt better than ever — peaceful, calm, detached,
fhis has continued to the oresent. Our drive back tc J^A-t^e-, was beautiful.
-
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"Yes, she's here, but in an altered state of awareness."
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"/ hear
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scientific
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HERMAN
M»
I guess we should have tried it on the rats
first.
^U/VAJ2AA^
I
Saturday Review/ February 1982
W WJOWTE PASTIME
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