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Full text of "A pickle for the knowing ones"

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1848, 




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PICKLE FOR THE MOWING ONES, 



LORD TIMOTHY DEXTER, 



introbucinit; |)nface, 



IT A DISTINGUISHED CITIZEN OF " OULD KEWBERRY." 



FOUKTH EDITION. 



KEWBURYFOET; 

BLANCHARD & SARGENT. 

1848. 



N55J)3S 




Lord Dexter and his Dog. 






PREFACE. 



Timothy Dexter, the author of the following curious and unique production , 
entitled "X Pickle for the Knounng Ones^''^ wnich is here re-printed verbatim 
et spellatim from the original edition, was bom in Maiden, January 22, 1747. 
Having served an apprenticeship with a leather dresser, he commenced 
business in Newburyport shortly after he was one and twenty, and being 
industrious and economical, he soon found himself in good circumstances. 
In the year 1770 he married, and receiving a considerable amount of money 
with his wife, he was thus put in possession of a moderate fortune. In 1776 
he had for one of his apprentices the no less eccentric, and afterwards the no 
less noted Jonathan Plumer,jun., " travelling preacher, physician and poet." 
as he was accustomed to style himself, and of whom we shall hereafter speak. 
In addition to his regular business of selling leather breeches, gloves " soutabel 
for wimen's ware," &c. he engaged in commercial speculations, and in vari- 
ous kinds of business, and was unusually successful. He traded with mer- 
chants and speculators in the then Province of Maine, was engaged to some 
extent in the West India trade. He also purchased a large amount of what 
were called State securities, which were eventually redeemed at prices far 
es;ceeding their original cost. Some of his speculations in whalebone and 
warming pans are mentioned by himself on page 23 of this work. Thus in 
various ways he added to his property, and in a few years he became a 
wealthy man. With wealth came the desire of distinction, and as his vanity 
was inordinate he spared no expence in obtaining the notoriety he sought. 
In the first place he purchased an elegant house in High Street, Newburyport, 
and embellished it in his peculiar way. Minarets surmounted with golden 
balls were placed on the roof, a large g'ilt eagle was placed on the top, and a 
great variety of other ornaments. In front of his house and land he caused 
to be erected between forty and fifty wooden statues, full length and larger 
than life. The principal arch stood directly in front of his door, and on tliis 
atood the figures of Washington, Adams and Jefferson. There were also the 
statues of William Pitt, Franklin, Bonaparte, George IV, Lord Nelson, Gen. 
Morgan, Complanter, an Indian Chief, Jack Tar, Traveling Preacher, Ma- 
ternal Affection, Two Grenadiers, Four Lions and one Lamb, and conspicious 
among them were two images of Dexter himself, one of which held a label 
with the inscription " /am ilie first in the East, the first in the West, and the 
greatest philosopher in the Western worlcV^ In order that the interior of his 
house should correspond "with the exterior, the most costly furniture was 
imported from France, and the walls hung with paintings, brought from 
Holland and other parts of Europe. A library was also provided, but how- 
large or valuable we are not able to say. An elegant coach with a span of 
beautiful cream colored horses was procured, on which was painted his coat 
of arms, with the baronial supporters, after the manner of the English nobility. 
With this equipage he took the title of Lord Dexter, because, as he said, it 
was "the voice of the peopel at Large." He was sometimes called the 
Marquis of Newburyport. Having completed the embelishments of his house 
and gardens, Lord Dexter busied himself m receiving the visits of the crowds, 
who were drawn by curiosity to his house. His gardens were thrown open 
to their inspection, and he was liberal to all. The fame of his hospitality 
attracted as many visitors as the fame of his images. To gratify his vanity 
he eelected in imitation of European princes, a poet laureate. This was no 
©ther than his former apprentice, Jonathan Plumer, jun., a native of New- 



Ivii705(>4 



bury. They had once been associated as master and apprentice, but now 
stood in the relation of patron and poet. From the auto-biography of Plumer 
a very curious and scarce production of 244 pages, the following extract is 
taken, which may serve to give some idea of the versatility of his genius. — 
*'I had," says he, "some practice as a physician, and earned something with 
my pen, but for several years was obliged chiefly to follow various kinds of 
business accounted less honorable, viz : Farming, repeating select passages 
from authors^' selling halibut, sawing wood, selling books and ballads in the 
streets, serving as post boy, filling beds with straw and wheeling them to the 
owners thereof, collecting rags, &c." He had previously served one or two 
campaigns as a soldier, and on his return from the wars he taught school for 
some time in New Hampshire. The ballads, which he hawked about, were 
generally his own composition. Every hon-id accident, bloody murder, a 
shipwreck, or any other dreadful catastrophe, was sure to be followed by a 
statement of the facts, a sermon and a poem. In the capacity of ballad 
maker and monger he attracted the notice of Dexter, in whose service he 
entered for a small salary as poet laureate. He wore a livery, consisting of 
a black frock coat, adorned with stars and fringes, a cocked hat and black 
breeches. He was crowned in the garden of his patron with a wreath of 
parsley, instead of laurel, but the ceremony was interrupted before its com- 
pletion by a mob of boys, and both patron and poet put to flight. One 
specimen of his laudatory verses may be seen on page 29 of this work, which 
will give the render some idea of his qualifications for the oflSce to which he 
was elected. How well he was satisfied with the praises of the poet we are 
not informed, but feeling probably that no person but himself could do justice 
to the ideas, which he wished to present to the public, he commenced writing 
for the press. Several of these effusions were printed in the newspapers. — 
The larger part of them written at different times are embodied in the present 
work, a large edition of which was published by himself and given away. In 
this edition not a stop or a mark was used in any line of his writings, but in 
the second edition one entire page was filled with stops and marks, with a 
recommendation from the author to his readers, to use them where they were 
wanted in the work, or in his own language, "to peper and soolt it as they 
pleased." Dexter had two children, Samuel and Nancy, neither of whom 
was distinguished for strength of intellect. The son was a dissipated prodigal 
and died young. The daughter, of whom mention is made by the father in 
the following pages, was married to Abraham Bishop of New Haven, who we 
are informed treated her with neglect and cruelty. A divorce followed and 
fthe became intemi^erate, lost what little reason she had, and is still living, a 
wretched object. Lord Dexter himself, if we may judge from his own writ- 
ings and from what we have heard, was not happy in his domestic relations. 
Ke complains much of his wife, whom he calls the " gost," and charges the 
cause of his separation from her for thirteen years to his son Bishop. His 
own temper wa..^ irascible, and several stories are told of the excesses, into 
•which it would sometimes lead him. " He ordered his painter, Mr. Babson, 
to place the word " Constitution " on the scroll in the hand of the figure of 
Jefferson, which the latter, knowing the artist designed it to represent the 
Declaration of Independence, refused to do. Dexter was so incensed by this 
refusal, that he went into the house, and brought out a pistol, which he 
deliberately fired at the pain'-er ; but he was a poor shot, and the ball missing 
\t8 object, entered the side of the house. At another time, seehig a country- 
man, as he thought, rather impudently viewing his premises, he ordered his 
•on to fire at the stranger. He refused to do so, when the father threatened 
to shoot him unless he complied. His son then obeyed. The stranger escaped 
mnhurt, but entered a c ^mplaint, and Lord Timothy was, in consequence, 
««Bteneed to the house of correction for several months. He went thither ia 



his own coach, priding himself on being the first man who had been to the 
county house in his own carriage, dniwn by two splendid horses. He soon 
grew tired, however, of his confinement, and procured a release, which it wa« 
said, cost him a thousand dollars. The individual, who exercised most 
influence over Dexter was a negro woman, named Lucy Lancaster, or as she 
was commonly called "Black Luce," a woman of uncommon strength of 
mind, great shrewdness and remarkable for her powers of memory and 
knowledge of human nature, but as wicked as she was sagacious. She 
thought him an honest man, and not so deficient in intellect as many people 
supposed, and attributed his eccentricities to an excess of animal spirits. — 
This was probably to some extent true, though it is certain that other spirits 
contributed in no small degree to the excesses of his temper and the pecu- 
liarities of his tast«. He was addicted to drunkenness, and with his son and 
other companions, kept up his revels in the best apartments of his house, by 
which in a very short time, all his costly fmniture was ruined, or very much 
injured. 

" Not insensible that he must share the common lot, Dexter, many year« 
before his death, prepared himself a tomb. It was the basement story of his 
summer-house, magnificently fitted, and open to the light of day. His coffin, 
made of the best mahogany which he could find, superbly lined, and adorned 
with silver handles, he kept in a room of the house, and took great pleasure 
in exhibiting it to visitors — at other times it was locked up. Soon after his 
death apparatus was prepared. Dexter got up a mock funeral, which with all 
but his family and a few associates was to pass as real. Various people in 
the town were invited by card, who came and found the family clad in 
mourning, and preparations for the funeral going forward. The burial service 
was read l3y a wag, who then pronounced a bombastic eulogy upon the de- 
ceased. The mourners moved in procession to the tomb in the garden, the 
coflfin was deposited, and they returned to the large hall, where a sumptuous 
entertainment was provided. While the feast was going on, a loud noise 
attracted the guests to the kitchen, where they beheld the arisen Lord caning 
his wife for not having shed a tear during the ceremony ! He entered the 
hall with the astonished mourners, in high spirits, joined in the rout, threw 
money from the window to the crowd of boys, and expressed his satisfaction 
with every thing except the indifference of his wife, and the silence of the 
bells.'^ 

Lord Dexter died at his house, on the 26th of October, 1806, in his 60th^ 
year, and by direction of the Board of Health, his remains were interred in 
the common burying place. His grave is marked by a simple stone. 

The Dexter mansion, is yet standing, and is a very fine tenement, but 
retains few traces of the whims of its late proprietor. Of the images, upwards 
of forty in number, only the three Presidents novv remain, the others having 
been cast down by the resistless hand of time. Some of them were blown 
down in the great gale of September, 1815, and were sold at auction. 

The cut fronting the Biography gives a very excellent and faithful repre- 
sentation of Lord Dexter in his walking habits, and the likeness of the dog 
is equally perfect. The dog was perfectly black and the skin as entirely 
free from hair as that of an elephant. He differed as much from other dogs 
as did his master and his friend, the poet, differ from other people. The 
likenesses of all three were drawn with great accuracy by James Aiken, Esq. 
now a resident of Philadelphia, and could the patron and the poet be seen in 
proper person, dressed in the costume of that day, they would be objects of 
great curiosity. But they are gone, and of each'it may be truly said, 
We ne'er shall look upon his like again* 



A PICKLE 

FOR THE KNOWING ONES. 



To mankind at Large the time is Com at Last the grat day of 
Regoising what is that why I will tell you thous three kings is 
Rased Rased you meane should know Rased on the first Royal 
Arch in the world olmost Not quite but very hiw up upon so thay 
are good mark to be scene so the womans Lik to see the frount 
and all people Loves to see them as the quakers will Com and 
peape slyly and feele glad and say houe the done frind father 
Jorge washeton is in the senter king Addoms is at the Rite hand 
the present king at the Left hand father gorge with his hat on the 
other hats of the middel king with his sword king Addoms with 
his Cane in a grand poster Adtetoude turning his &ss towards the 
first king as if they was on sum politicks king our present king he 
is stands Hearing being younger and very deafe in short being one 
grat felosfer Looks well East & west and &orth & south deafe & 
very deafe the god of Natur has dun very much for our present 
king and all our former ones they are all good I want them to 
Live for Ever and I beleave thay will it is hard work to be A king 
—I say it is hardar than tilling the ground I know it is for I find 
it is hard work to be A Lord I dont desier the sound but to pleas 
the peopel at Large Let it gou to brak the way it dus for Asort 
ment to help a good Lafe to Cour the sick spleney goutey dul 
frames Lik my selfe with the goute and so on make meri^ a Chea- 
ly Christen is for me only be onnest No matter what they worshep 
son moune or stars or there wife or miss if onnest Live forever 



money wonfc gltt thous figers so fast as I wish I have sent to Leg 
horn for many mr bourr is one Amonks others I sent in the grand 
Crecham thous 3 kings Are plane white colow at present the Royal 
Arch & figers cost 39 pound wate silver the hiest Councaton order 
in the world so it is sade by the knowing one I have only 4 Lions 
& 1 Lam up the spred Eagel has bin up 3 years upon the Coupe- 
lay I have 13 billors front in strat Row for 13 states when we be- 
gun 3 in the Rear 15 foot hie 4 more on the grass see 2 the same 
hath at the Rite of the grand Arch 2 at the left wing 15 foot hie 
the Arch 17 foot hie the my hous is 3 sorey upwards of 290 feet 
round the hous Nater has formed the ground Eaquel to what you 
would wish for the Art by man Eaquel to a Solomun the onerabel 
Jonathan Jackson one of the first in this Country for tast borne A 
grat man by Nater then the best Lurning what sot me fored for 
my plan having so gran spot the hool of the world Cant Excead 
this to thous that dont know would think I was Like halfe the 
world A Lier I have traveled good deale but old steady men say- 
eth it is the first that it is the first best in this Contry & others 
Contrey I tell you this the trouth that None of you grat men wo- 
dent be A frunted at my preseadens & I spare Now Cost in the 
work I have the tempel of Reason in my garding 3 years past with 
atoume under it on the Eage of the grass see it cost 98 gineys be- 
sides the Coffen panted whit in side and out side tuched with 
green Nobel trimings uncommon Lock so I can tak the kee in side 
and haye fier works in the toume pipes and tobacker & A speak- 
ing trumpet and & bibel to Read & sum good songs 

What is a presedent answer A king bonne partey the grate has 
as much power as A king and ort to have & it is a massey he has 
for the good of mankind he has as much power as Any king for 
grat ways back there must be A head sum whare or the peopel is 
Lost Lik wild gees when thay Lous the gander two Leged want 
A head if fore Leged both & 2 Leged fouls the Name of presedent 
is to pleas the peopel at tf^rge the sound souts best Now in the 
south give way to the North the North give way to the south or 
by & by you will brake what falers be wise on keep the Links t^^.' 
gether and if you cant A gree Consoalated to A kingly power for 
you must keep together at the wost hear it Labers ye les see there 
is so many men wants be the all offesers & Now sogers poor king 
Every day wants A bone sum more then others the king cant Live 
without the feald wee have had our turae grat good father Addoms 



9 

turne & tume About Rest Easey you all will be pleased with the 
present king give time all did I say Now but the magor part foro 
fifths at lea»st, 

TBIOTHY DEXTER 

Frinds hear me 2 granadears goss up in 20 days fourder f rinds 
I will tell the A tipe of man kind what is that 35 or 86 years gone 
A town caled Noubry all won the Younited states Noubry peopel 
kept to gether quiet till the Larned groed strong the farmers was 
1 2 out of 20 thay wanted to have the ofFesers in the Contry the 
Eaned in the see port wanted to have them there geering A Rose 
groued warme fite thay wood in Law thay went the Jnrel Cort to ■" 
be sot of finely thay go there Eands Answered the see port caled 
Newbury Port 600 Eakers of Land out of thirty thousand Eakers 
of good Land so much for mad peopel of Larning makes them mad 
if thay had kept to gether they wood have bin the sekent town in 
this Stat A bout halfe of boston Now men mad to be in offess it 
hurts the peopel ot Large Like Carying the Innegent Lam to the 
slarter Now it would done to dewide the North from the south all 
won what I have Leade down but now keep to gether it is Like 
man and wife in troue Love Now guving death in the grander you 
will sous the glory I say keep to gether dont brak the Chane Re- 
noue brotherle Love Never fade Like my box in my garding be 
one grat familey give way to one A Nother thous changes is the 
tide hie warter & Loue warte hie tids & Loue tids for my part I 
have Liked all the kings all three all our broken marchants cant 
have heaths of proffett gone and till the ground gone to work is 
all that has bin to Coleage gone with slipers and promis to pay 
and Never pay only with A Lye I gess 4 fifths is Coleage Lant or 
devel Lant or pretended to be onnest free masions but are to the 
Contrey for give me for gessing I hope it is Not so the Leaned is 
for Leovs & Littel fishes moses was but A man and Aaron thay 
had sum devel like my selfe man is^e same give him power I 
say the Cloak Cukement maters th^'\orst of cheats we hant got 
ony N Port wee are Noted to be the first in the North sabed Day 
is Not halfe A Nuf Night meatens it maks work for the Docters 
and Nuses Caaching Could but them Lives breed fast to mak up 
for them that dies poor creaters I pitiey them so preast Riden it is 
wickard to leave poor sols in to the grave all our minesters are 
imported Very good men fouU of Love of Crist I kep them A mit 
Amen at present. 



10 

The yong man that doth most all my Carving his work is much 
Liked by our grat men I felt fonnney one day I thort I would ask 
sade young man whare he was bone he sade Now whare what is all 
that Now whare was your mother over shaderd I says my mother 
was if I was to gess No I tell in Now town borne o on the water I 
B^ys you beat me and so wee Lafed and it shuk of the spleane 
shoue him A Crows Neast he can carve one A fine fellow — I shold 
had all maxbel if any bodey could to me the prise so I have sent 
for 8 busts for kings and grat men and 1 Lion & 2 gray hounds I 
hope to hear in foue Days to all onnest men 

TIMOTHY DEXTEE. 

mister printter I must gone sum ft»urder I have got one good pen 
my fortin has bin hard very hard that is I have hard Noks on my 
head 4 difrent times from A boy to this Day twice taken up for 
dead two beating was a Lawyer then he was mad be Case the 
peopel at Large Declared me Lord Dexter king of Chester this at 
my Contrey sect 26 mils from N Port my plase there is the fist 

from solt water to Canedy this Lawyer that broused me was 

Judg Livermore son Arther the same Creator borid 200 dolors 
sum monts be fore this & then Oaded me he beat his bene factter 
it has bin my Luck to be yoused ten times wos by them I done 
the most for I have Lost first and Last as much as A tun of silver 
grose my wife that was had 400 wut of silver Abraham bishup 
that married my dafter ten years gone him & shee sence then & 
my son Samuel L Dexter upwards of seventeene thousand Dolors 
the Rest by hamsher Col by Rougs has gokbey sekkent handed 
preasts Deakens gruntters whimers Every foue minuets A sith or 
Christ wee must be Leave in Crist o o Jeases will save us I thinks 
sura times the saving solt & smoak & solt peater will in time be 
very dear if it is yous the more smoak or the preasts will be out 
of work Littel Like fister france I Lade out A blan to have holerdays 
one Day in ten 24 years gone I thort it would save the Natision 
grat Deale of money sir in one sentrey then the preasts wood have 
time to studdery then hamer Down smartly make the sulfFer smoak 
in their Nostils under the Cloak of bread & wine the hipecricks 
Cloven foots thay Doue it to get power to Lie and Not be mis- 
truested all wars mostly by the suf the broken marchents are fond 
of war for thay hant Nothing to Lous & the minesters in all wars 
the Case o god Leave the Divel out when it is all Divel If you can 



11 

lare the trouth I will tell the trouth man is the best Annemel and 
the worst all men are more or less the Divel but there is sit of ods 
sum halfe sum three qurters the other part beast of Difrent kind 
of beasts sum one thing and sum a Nother sum Like a Dog sum 
Lik horses sum bare sum Cat sum Lion sum lik ouls sum a monkey 
sum wild Cat sum Lam sum A Dove sum a hogg sum a oxe sum 
a snake I want Desepons to be Dun A way but thay wont Never 
be as Long os prist Kid en what Done the preast prech to the Divel 
for all there hearaes old & youn more or Less the Divel I Liked 
to sade so Divel preaches to Divels Rebouk ing sin keep it up up 
up sayeth the hipacrits mockers of god habits an Costom is the ods 
ods maks the diffrence I sees god in all plases the god of Nater in 
all things wee Live and move in god he is the god of Nateer all 
Nater is god take one EUement from us one of the fore take the 
fier or the water or or Eare or Earth wee are gone so wee Live in 
god Now Less us all be good children doue all things Rite the 
strong must bare the Infremiteys of the wicked shildren keep up 
tite Laws Draw the Ranes Littel harder stop theavs as fast as you 
ean bad trade sheuuing Nine Numbers was Rot in 23 owers when 
I had hold of the pen five owers & 35 minuets A sort ment A sort 

ment is good in A shop 

^The preasts fixes there goods six days then thay open shop on 
' Sundays to sell there goods sum sets them of better than others 
bolerhed when a man is so week he wont doue for A Lawyer mak 
a preast of hnn for week thing to goue with week things the bhnd 
to Lead the blind so thay may fall into one Dich and so thay goue 
throne the world darkiness but foue peopel have A pinion of there 
one Not one in twenty as to this world goods and so it is as to the 
other world to Inquire the way goue to a fryer our peopel A bout 
the same thing only call it sumthing Else in Rum of a king call it 
presedent but preasts have money to save sols I want to know what 
a sole is I wish to see one Not a gizard I thinks the sole is the 
thinking part there is grat minds fe Littel mmds grat sols & Littel 
sols grat minds & littel minds According to the hevdey boddeys 
that has the power of our boddeys the same mother and the same 
father and six children how thay will differ in Looks complexions 
and axons sum for grat thing sum for littel things sumthing Nouw 
I say I say my figers will pay Intress money prove it first going 
over my brige sum more tole then helping the markett of the town 
Leeting hoses tavern keepers costom the honner to the town & 
my sett TIMOTHY DEXTER, 



12 

one thing fourder I have bin convai-ted upwards 30 years quite 
Resined for the day the grat day I wish the preast Node as much 
as I think I done there harts would Leap up to glory to be sa 
Reader for the time of Rejoisng to goue to gone to be maried to 
what a fine widow with hur lamp bourning the Lamps trimed with 
glorey the shaking quickers after thay git convarted and there sins 
washed A way thay stay at home & Let theus goue unclene and 
so it is much so with me I stay at home praying for theavs and 
Rougs to be saved Day and Night praying for siners poour creaters 
my hous keeper is in the dark was then bad Crasey to be saved 
shee says shoe has sind against the holey gost I have Asked her 
what is shee says it is sumthing but cant find out way sends for 
the preast coms what is the mater gost gost Dear sir & the minester 
makes a prayer the gost went of mostly not all part stayed behind 
shee has bin Crasey Ever sence the prest cant Lay the sepont houe 
many Nick Names three things have so sayeth the preacher Amen 
Amen see fath I du 



None mister printer sir I was at Noue haven 7 years and severe 
monts past at commencent Degrees going on 40 boys was tuck 
degrees to done good or Not good the ole man with the hat on told 
them to suddey houeman Nater & walk as A band of brothers from 
that day I thort that all thous that was baot up to Coleage the 
meaning was to git there Liveing out of the Labeer If the Coleages 
was to eontiner one sentrey & keep up the game reckon the cost of 
All from there cradel to 22 years old all there fathers and gurd 
inands to Lay out one houndred years intress & intress upon intress 
atress gess at it & cast it see houe many houndred thousand millons 
of Dolors it would Com to to mad Rougs and theavs to plunder 
the Laboring man that sweats to git his bread good common Laning 
is the best sum good books is best well under stoud be onnest dont 
be preast Riden it is a cheat all be onnest in all things Now feare 
Let this goue as you find it my way speling houe is the strangest 
man T DEXTER 

fourder mister for A minester to git the tone is a grat pint when 
I lived in hamsher one Noue Lit babstis babler sobed A way just 
fineshing his sermon he says o good Lord I hop you will eonsider 



13 

wliat foue hints I have given and I will cleare it up sum time 
hence I am much wore down now the wether being very worme 
to day Less bray & so went on fire fire & brimstone & grunting 
& fithing and tried to cry & snufel & blow the sconks home & 
sum the old souls & yong fouls sot to crying I tuck my hat and 
went out houe mankind & women kind is imposed upon all over 
the world more or less by preavSt craft o for shame o for shame I 
pittey them be onncst done as you would wish others to done unto 
you in all things Now fear of Death Amen T D'r 

fourder what difrent wous wee have of this world & the other 
world two good women Lived in A town whare I once lived one 
was sick of a consumson Near Death both belonged to the Church 
very onnest only the well w^oman was week in wous & thing says 
unto the sik woman I thinks you will see my housbon doue tell 
him I and my son A greus very well and wee are all well and the 
«ow is piged and got seaven prittey pigs and fare you well sister 
this I beleave is sertiug troue & so fare the well — I shall com A 
gane in Littel while 

and fourdermoi^ I am for sum foue Decephons but very foue 
fouer then Deathe preast craft is very good for what to make old 
women gront and yong children cry and old fouls fling snort o ye's 
and brak up farimeys Doun by untrouths Lying and swaring to A 
Lye stop I am a Live old me I have heard your wickard stuff you 
have ingerd my frinds a plenty and if you dont stop I will call 
forth one Abraham bishup to put Niklos and all that trys to keep 
up Lying if there should be any such stuf in the Land Church 
members pant to be fonnd of Desepchon thay are perfect but if 
there is any put them with the tufe bourne the Roubege pise on 
it or that feare Not wind or filth go by the Ilackel breed and wog 
then tourd I Like to sade Now shite stink strong bread & wine 
master botill houe is the boull a black man a frind to John mekel 
jentel man from A Crows Nest Whare Now where ass Cole cole 
ass whare whare Now whare o yefs sum whare deare oilen Now 
the Ingons Lived there onle that Cant be he was from hell whare 
his or was brother came from oyes oyess o yess a Crows Neast <3T 
orgen pouler Down 



FROM THE MUSEUM Olf 

TIMOTHY DEXTER, ESa. 

Ime the first Lord in the younited States of A mercary Now of 
Newburyport it is the voise of the peopel and I cant Help it and 
to Let it gone Now as I must be Lord there will foler many more 
Lords prittey soune for it Dont hurt A Cat Nor the mouse Nor 
, the son Nor the water Nor the Eare then goue on all in Easey 
Now bons broaken all is well all in Love Now I be gin to Lay the 
Corner ston with grat Eemembrence of my father Jorge Washing- 
ton the grate herow 17 sentreys past before we found so good A 
father to his children and Now gone to Rest Now to shoue my 
Love to my father and. grate Carieters I will shoue the world one 
of the grate Wonders of the world in 15 months if Now man 
mourders me in Dors or out Dors such A mouserum on Earth will 
annonce Lord thou knowest to be troue fourder hear me good 
Lord I am A goueing to Let or shildren know Now to see good 
Lord what has bin in the world grat wase back to own fore fathers 
Not old plimeth but stop to Addom & Eve to shoue 45 figers two 
Leged and fore Leged becose we Cant Done well without fore Legd 
in the first plase they are our foude in the Next plase to make out 
Dexters mouseum I wants 4 Lions to defend thous grat and mistry 
men from East to wist from North to South which Now are at 
the plases Rased the Lam is Not Readey in short meaterif Agreabel 
I forme A good and peasabel govement on my Land in Newburyport 
Compleat I take 3 presedents hamsher govener all to None York 
and the grate mister John Jay is one, that maks 2 in that state the 
king of grat britton mister pitt Roufus King Cros over to france 
Loues the 16 and then the grate bonnepartey the grate and there 
segnetoure Crow biddey — I Command pease and the gratest broth- 
erly Love and Not fade be Linked to gether with that best of troue 
Love so as to govern all nasions on the fass of the gloub not to 
tiranize over them but to put them to order if any Despout shall A 
Rise as to -boundreys or Any maturs of Importence it is Left france 
vnd grat britton and Amacarey to be setteled A Congress to be 
liiways in france all Despouts is to be thare seteled and this may be 
UvHi this will balless powers and then all wars Dun A way there 



16 

fore I have the Lam to lay Dow with the Lion Now this may be Dun 
if thos three powers would A geray to Lay what is called Devel 
one side and Not Carry the gentelman pack hors Any longer but 
shake him off as dust on your feet and Laff at him there is a grate 
noise aboute a tone Leged Creter he says I am going to set sade 
black Divel there stop he would scare the womans so there would be 
No youse for the bilding I should have to E rect sum None won 
Now I stop hear I puts the Devil Long with the bull for he is a 
bulling 2 Leged Annemal stop put him one side Near Soloman 
Looking with Soloman to Ladey venus Now stop wind up there 
is grat ods in froute I will Let you know the sekret houe you may 
see the Devel stand on your head before a Loucking glass and 
take a bibel in to your bousom feist 40 owers and look in the loucking 
glass there is no Devilif you dont see the ould fellow but I affirm 
you will see that ould Devel 

Unto you all mankind Com to my hous to mock and sneare whi 
ye Dont you Lafe be fore god or I meane your betters think the 
heir power Dont know thorts and Axsions Now I will tell you good 
and bad it is Not pelite to Com to see what the bare walls keep 
of my ground if you are gentel men you would stay Away when 
all is Dun in marble I expect to gone out myself to Help if thous 
grat men will send on there Likeness all over the younited States 
I wish all the printers to give Notis if pleases to in form by printen 
in the Nouspapers for the good of the holl of man kind 

I waus to make my Enemys grin in time Lik A Cat over a hot 
puding and gone Away and hang there heads Doun Like a Dogg 
bin After sheep gilty stop see I am Afrade I Kite tone hash my 

peopel Complane of backkor spittel maks work to Cleane it up 

in the women skouls A bout it spit in ther hankershif or not spit A 
tall I must say sumthing or I should say Nothing therefore make 
sum Noise in the world wlien I git so ouely to Nash my goms and 
grisingfor water and that is salt water whenbrot A yong Devel to 
bring it and A Scoyer to wjite and tend on gentelmen A black Suier 
his breth Smelt wos then })ram stone by far but Let the Devel goue 
in to Darknes an takeld hi:> due to Descare mankind for A Littel 
while this Cloven foot is seen be sum but the trap will over hall the 
Devel in tim I pittey this poore black man I thine his master wants 
purging a Littel to har ber mr Devel A most but I did Not say 
Let him Run A way good Nit mr Devel Cary the sword and 
mwney with you tak John mekel Jentel man good Not 

T DEXTER 



16 

THIS COMETH GREETING 

mister printers the Igrent or the Nowing wons says I ort to 
Doue as thay doue to keep up Cheats or the same thing Desephons 
to Deseave the Igrent so wee may Cheat and Likewise have wars 
and plunder my wish is all Liers may have there part of fier and 
brimstone in this world or at least sum part of it or Else the 
gouement is Not good it will want pourging soone if A Lawyer 
is to way Lay a man and brouse him unmassely All most to Death 
A sitteson that pays twentey fore Dolors for Careags and not more 
then one Dolor A week to ment the hiways and my being Libperel 
is in part of this bloddey Afare No sauage would beat a man as I 
was beaten almost to Death I Did not know houe these men Came 
to keep sade Lawyer from quit killing of me till sum time After 
three men saw the Axon of the blodey seene without massey and 
carried sade Dexter in to the house sun fanting or Neare to se 
and behold the orful site bleading and blind of one Eye twoue 
brousings in two hours at Least Now Laws in this part of the 
world for A man of money to Live those I lend money to and A 
Lawyer and others thay youse me the west it maks Inemys then 
these Hogs if there is Any that call me A souU and pick a Qualrel 
with me A bout my Nous papers so as to pay the Lawyer Craft 
to make up the molton Calf A molton Calfe Not an Ox Now the 
town of Chester has Lost two Hundred wate of Siver at Least 
I beleuv more money Now thay may have me in the town or A 
Lawyer Chouse for yourselves my frinds and felow mortels pease 
be with you All A men selagh finely brethren sum thing more 
Coming TIMOTHY DEXTER 

Chester, Sept. 29, 1796. 



For the Impartial Herald. 
Messrs. Blunt S^ March, 

I say to whom it may concern — ^to the majesty of the people of 
Newburyport, Greeting — 

It costs Eight hundred Dollars a year to support a watch in this 
town, and yer gdutlemen's windows are broken, fences pulled down 
and Cellars broken open, and much other misdemeanors done at 
night. Are the watch asleep, or are they afraid to detect those 
who are guilty of such practises ? Boast not of it if you call this 
Liberty and E(][uality. Newburyport has had the name of being 



17 

a very civil worthy place ; it is a great pity some bad boys or young 
men should disgrace it. I hope our worthy and honorable rulers 
will bring those rude lads to see themselves and lick the dust like 
serpents, and ask forgiveness of their betters, and do so no more, 
but repent and live. 

Now fellow citizens ' is it wisdom, is it policy, to use a man or 
men so shocking bad as to obhge them to leave the town where 
they paid one Dollar a day to support government ? 

A friend to good order, honor to whom it belongs — to great men 
a friend — to all good citizens and honest men good bye. 



Whereas many philosophers has judged or guessed at many 
thmgs about this world, and so on. Now I suppose I may guess, 
as it is guessing times. I guess the world is one very large living 
creature, and always was, and always will be without any end from 
everlasting to everlasting, and no end. What grows on this large 
creature is trees and many other things. In the room of hair the 
rocks is moulds. This is called land where the hair grows, the 
belly the sea — all kinds of fish is the worms in the belly. This 
large body wants dressing to get our living of this creature and by 
industry we get a living — we and all the animal creation is less than 
fleas in comparison on the back or belly of this very large immense 
body. Among the hairs to work this great body is that of nature, 
past finding out. — All we know is we are here, we come into the 
world crying and go out groaning. Mankind is the master beast 
on the earth — in the sea, the whale is the head fish — ^the minim is 
the smallest fish — the great fish eat up the little ones, and so not 
only destroy one another, but they are master over the whole of 
beasts and fish, even over a lion, therefore man is the masterly beast 
and the worst of the whole — they know the most, and act the worst 
according to what they know. Seeing mankind so bad by nature, 
I think when the candle goes out, men and women is done, they 
will lay as dirt or rocks till the great gun fires, and when that goes 
off the gun will be so large that the gun will contain nine hundred 
million tons of the best of good powder, then that will shake and 
bring all the bones together, then the world will be to an end. All 
fciudig of music will be going on, funding systems will be laid aside, 
2 



18 

the melody will be very great. Now why cant you all believe the 
above written as well as many other things to be true ; as well as 
what was set forth in the last Centinel concerning digging up a frog 
twenty five feet below the surface, where it was most a^ hard as a 
rock — there was his shape like taking a stone out of a rock — ^This 
is from a minister. Now why wont you believe me as well. 



WONDER OF WONDERS! 



How great the soul Is ! Do not you all wonder & admire to see 
and behold and hear ? Can you all believe half the truth, and 
admire to hear the wonders how great the soul is — only behold — 
past finding out ! Only see how large the soul is ! — ^that if a man 
is drowned in the sea, what a great bubble comes up out of the top 
of the water ! the last of the man dying imder water — this is wind 
— is the soul that is the last to ascend out of the deep to glory — 
it is the breath from on high doth go on high to glory. The bubble 
is the soul. A young fellow's for gunning for the good of bodies 
and souls. 



My frinds & felow mortals there is A first Cose of all things most 
Comle so it Came to pass that one Abraham bish up got A qanted 
with my Dafter — shee A babey he Old in Eage and Laming and 
Colage Lant & Lawyer Lant and preast Lant and masonik Lant 
and Divel Lant he was then Nothing as for Cash he being A fox 
and A old fox he was After the graps he tasted of them he Cryed 
out fewer this Anne meal sent my Dafter home he sad A b did Not 
git all the Lovs & Littel fishes but got A part and Now 9 years 
[ have Now had my Dafter Crasey in & by the Cose of this wild 
A & b hell on Earth o o pittey me All good felow mortels sade 
Creater A b mad with Laming & as pour as A snake and as proud 
is Lousfer he sade his father was worth twenty thosand Dolors & 
be was Not more than five thousand Dolors he send for bishup bass 
to be mared befor dublessed & Insisted to be maried he says Daxter 
QQay Crye them Down in the Lore Reogon After sum time thay 
got published then he in sisted Not to have Any witness went and 



19 

bid finly my gost my wife that was the gost 13 yearst Last march 
thay where maried I was maried to the gost thirtey five Last may 
I have bin in hell all the time more so sence Abraham bishup got 
in to my house he hurt me and familey one tun of silver it was the 
Cose of my parting with mis Dexter Now I Am free Now for A 
wife that has A sole the gost was A gisard & A Cose all Eound 
her A b striking my Dafter on hur side as shee swares to grat 
Lawyer Dexter and to many others I be Leave it that knows the 
trouth the bloue he gave hur on the side shee had to put plasters on 
her side Neare three years when Likker is in the wit is scattered 
A b is the beast or Greater two Leged Conekett bouU short Nek 
boull head thik hare big sholders black Corlley hare he wants to be 
A god but what I sot sade Creator Down at short A quatence I 
Can prove it my selfe by men of the sekent magentoude my gesing 
' of the Creater it tourned out According to my gessing and when 
I see my father the grat good man father Thomas gefsion I will 
Let the Cat out of the bag and give Lite to the blind sade A b will 
Done for sum ofFess Everye Annemel will Doue for sumthing A b 
will mak a midling good CAMP COLLEMON A thing hier if I 
am a Roug in grane so be it A Lepard Cant Alter hur spots Nor 
beaver wont groue on A houk back I be Leave if my father the 
presente koue the holl trouth of A b treatment to my Dafter from 
her mouth the grat man woul shead tears with greafe and all good 
peopel Like wise shocking is the A fare 

I am TIMOTHY DEXTEB 



^ To man kmd at Large I Never had the honour to be Long I 
meane to that onerabel mesonek Order I Noked once once twise 
three times & the gohst Apeared sade thou shall Not ent^r be Cose 
I have tone much knowledge in my head — I sopose had I bin one 
then should bin to keep open Dors for thives & Robers I have 
Rougs plentey without keeping tavern I Dont wont Now Abrahams 
Nor Ajiey of the order only fict Ladeys mared and gi-at gen til men 
that belongs out of the town mared peopol and fine widders I wish 
to see with pleasur for I wonts to marey A fine wider for I hant 
had Now wife for thirteene years Next orgest I gave the gost fore 
hundred wate of silver to quit the state grat Lawyer passons the 
gient of the Law Rote the Contract the Cose of it was that mis. 



20 

Dexter that was would have my Dafter marey to A bishup Cosed 
the A greement the sole Cose she has two trousteays which have 
the money to deal out the intress and shee is so ginress shee bys 
hur Neadels I bys the pins & sisers k all things Else shee Leaves 
the in tress in the hands of the trosteys I must have A Companon 
80un good by all At present with glorey 

TIMOTHY DEXTER 

I ask for giveness of the world of mankind for teling the trouth 
I meane No hurt to A flie only when he bits me then I kils the 
flye if I can I have bin my one tromter fore teene years my tromter 
is Dead my haveing so many wounds in fas and on my head I Doue 
it to make a good Lafe to keep my sperets from sinking pittey me 
all good peopel A men 

and fourder I maried widder frothingham shee had fore Children 
the holl of all there stats was short of thirteene houndred Dolors 
this woman groed mad shee sade shee must gone to hell gone ferting 
for I have fined A ganst the holey goast un pardinbell sin shee was 
for making way with hur selfe in three monts I got the best minister 
m town to Lay the gost he prayed hartey but Could Not Laye the 
serpent only in part shee has bin Cracey Every sence it is A wonder 
I am A Live two children suked hur brest — ^it is heretarey two 
Children maried now Live upon me being disorded thay beat me 
©ffen with Death Cloube & the old gost tone bad to say I be silent 
under Eerkoumstanes I mus Cout & Roum sell the one of the first 
plases all most in the world for I am in grat fear of my Life being 
taken A way such blows I have had from tone or three gost in my 
familey is worth twelve hundred hoxets of geamator best shouger» 
Even A saxton to take the blows I wodent for fifty milon DoUorg 
words cant Express the bloddey war in my familey three gosts all 
Noys Robing of me T must sell with tears in my Eys I Cant se« 
lo Rit« Aany more fare well I say good bye T DEXTER 




21 

How Did Dexter make his money Inw ye says bying whale bono 
for stain for ships in grosing three houndred & 40 tuns bort all in 
boston saluin and all in None york under Cover oppenly told them 
for my ships thay all Lafed so I had at my one prise I had four 
Oouning men for Ilouners thay gouned the home as I told them to 
Act the fool I was fouU of Cash I had Nine tim of filver on hand 
at that time all that time the Creators more or Less Lafing it spread 
very fast heare is the Rub in fifty Days thay smelt A Rat found 
whare it was gone to Nouebry Port speklaters swarmed Like hell 
houns to be short with it I made seventey five per sent one tun and 
halfe of silver and over one more spect Drole A Nouf I Dreamed 
of warming pans three Nits that thay would doue in the west ingad 
I got not more than fortey two thousand put them in Nine vessele 

for difrent ports that tuck good hold 1 cleared sevinty nine 

per sent the pans thay mad yous of them for Coucking very 

good master for Coukey blessed good in Deade missey got Nise 
handed Now bourn my fase the best thing I Ever see in borne days 
I found I was very luckkey m spekkelasion I Dreamed that the 
good book was Run Down in this Countrey Nine years gone so 
Low az halfe prise and Dull at that the bibbel I means I had the 
Readey Cash by holl sale I bort twelve per sent under halfe prise 
thay Cost forty one sents Each bibels twenty one thousand I put 
them into twenty one vessels for the westinges and sent A text that 
all of them must have one bibel in Every familey or if not thay 
would gone to hell and if thay had Dun wiked flie to the bibel and 
on thare Neas and kiss the bibel three times and Look up to heaven 
Annest for giveness my Capttens all had Compleat orders heare 
Corns the good Luck I made one hundred per sent & Littel over 
then I found I had made money A Nuf I hant speck A Lated 
sence old times by goverment secourties I made or cleared forty 
seven thousands Dolors that is the old A fare Now I toald the all 
the sekrett Now be still Let me A Lone Dont wonder Now more 
houe I got my money boaz T DEXTER 



Now to all onnest men to pittey me that I have bin in hell : 35 
years in this world with the gost A woman I maried and have two 
Children Now Liveing Abram bishup mared my Dafter sence the 
troubel is such that words Cant be Exprexed Nine years disorded 



22 . 

for a tun of silver for three months I could Not have the gost in 
my pallas sleep Not have to be had Now to save my Life I will sell 
if Not I will Let the house it is as Netted as Any hous in the oile 
shouls and furder in the world or sence Noers Arke & sence the 
floud taking in my self finly such A plase No whare in the world 
all gous with it hoses chareags all but plate & gouels A Reserve 
the holey bybel and one bouck more my old head has wore out three 
boddeys it would take a journey of Docters one our to find and 
Count the scars on my head given by the goust & others Amen 

T DEXTER 
Joune 12- 1805 Clean trouth 



m I say the grate mister Divel that has so maney Nick Names a 
frind to the preasts Now is dead all and the pope Likewise and the 
founders of mesonic A Cheat foull of war and gratness of hell Dead 
preasts Dead and Lawyers Damede Deade A braham b bi Ass Dead 
and All the frinds of mankind sings prasses that wee are the grat 
familey of mankind Now out of hell Deleured from fire and smoak 
bouming for Ever Now all in heaven uppon Earth Now all frinds 
Now for A Day of Regoising all over the world as one grate familey 
all Nasions to be ounited No more wars for fifty years and Longer 
I Recommend pease A Congress in franco and when wee are Ripe 
for A Emper in this Contrey Call for me to take the helm or a 
Consler in the A fare of trouth Amen and Amen 

TIMOTHY DEXTER 
P S — one thing further I happened not to think of that grate 
Creature which some fools Call the Coast and others say that he is 
wanted — But I thing that it will be of searviceto let the Thanttron 
Dye T DEXTER 



^ Scarting trouths fortey six years gone old french war to git men 
and Lads to List the prests told them thay would Live as Long as 
if thay staed at home for Every boulitt had its Commison from the 
Lord he directed them one time when old good mister Emmerson 
had A gurnemon to preach I heard him say for Addom sin there 
was Now in hell milons of milons of Children Not more than A 



23 

»pan Long all this is trouc and when there was a A Drouth most 
over thay would Call A fast and pray very Annest for the bottels 
of heaven to be on Corked so the liane mit Com Down the minester 
did Not say how Larg thay whare I gess they held five hundred 
hoxetts Each 

1805 may 27 TIMOTHY DEXTER 



• Trouth I afirme I am so much of A foule the Rougs want to git 
my Jouels & Loavs & Littel fishes without my Leave Leave is Lit 
thay all Caled me A fouU forty years Now I will Call all fouls but 
onnes men Now to brove me A foull I Never Could sing Nor play 
Cards Nor Dance Nor tell A Long storey Nor play on Any mouskel 
Nor pray Nor make A pen when I was young I Could play on A 
Jous harp it would mak my mouth warter and the Ladeys sumthing 
warter gess what I sade Nothing A good Lafe is beter than Crying 
A Clam will Cry And warter wen thay are out of there EUemen 
so wee the same if I had Not the gost in my house I would I mean 
give Lite to my brothers & sisters and have A pease all over the 
world and beat the trouthe into my frinds houe goud it is houe 
onnest it would be and houe man kind has bin in posed upon & • 
houe thay have bin blinded with untrouths gosts and mister Divels 
there is Now None of that order all Lye the mesonek if thay wilt 
make a book of trouth I will give the Creators but I will take the 
Chare and put my frind bonne partey on my Rte hand And the 
grat ginrel meroue on my Left hand A Nuf to give the sword is 
in the banks^A Emper only be still I will take the helm in Love I 
am A quaker No blod spiled all in the Love of A Emper you will 
liave in fortey years I may Com back & see houe you all gone on 
& what you ware when the gost is gone and mister Divel pease 
on Earth be fore I will have a war in my Day I will be your frind 
the Emper and if I want help I will Call my frind boneypartey and 
gorge the third & Dewide the Lose Now take Care peas I say 
Except of what is Rewealed to me for it will Com to pass I was 
born when grat powers Rouled I was borne in 1747 Janeuarey 22 
on this day in the morning A grat snow storme the sines in the 
seventh house wives mars Came fored Joupeter stud by houlding 
the Candel I was to be one grat man mars got the beth to be onnest 
man to Doue good to my felow mortelz I think I am A quaker 



24 

but i have so Littel sense I Cant Deseave I Can swep my hous & 
git all A None gelt & gone out of hell is bless Law and trouth and 
Beason on my side it must be done when I git my worthy widdow 
it is Dun Not one word of Anger as Long as I Live to a A good 
woman I a firme TIMOTHY DEXTEE 

fourder I Dont have Aney of the Ladeys of prinsbell spend the 
Intress I will spend Day and Nile All 1 have and Done all the 
good to please I can make as much heaven upon Earth as posbel 
and then Dye in peas A men and Amen for A Companon I must 
have to make out this heaven then I am happy the gone in the 
dark in pease when the Candel gous out in the — Lord god of 
Nater one more A men good bye 

T DEXTER 

* forder A grate good man Came to see me Not Long sence I 
told sade man I had many Innemys he says be Cos you are tone 
onnest to be beloved you Dont gine in Comon ways with Rougs 
bibel making mesonik order to promes to pay & Never pay only 
with A Lye and gine heell on Earth Cheat all you Can gine the 
mob then you are A brother Now I am glad I did Not Nock the 
Doer Down my good Louck my god and my god blessed be my 
good Luch T DEXTER 

• sum more sweet meats & trouths I say Now man sence Noers 
Ark Dare to Rite of so Littel Laning I begon when abrham was* 
in my hous I then Rote this world was hell & men was Divels 
sum better then others sum white Divels sum black & sum Cop- 
per Divels I for got them bloue Divels this spred far was printed 
in many papers a bishop Cosed my blood to bile thirteene years 
last March as when I begun to Rite I sade the grat Rougs was 
the best men o o for shame the onnest man was Lafed at & a b 
being foull of Laming it maks him mad to be a Lousefer his 
Rane is short I hope to see my father the grat felosfer the prese- 
dent before I die the trouth he must know a men 

T DEXTER 

* I Crys Crys Lik a babey when I Rits my trobel is so grat to 
have my Dafter so Crasey the Rick of our Lives such blows with 
such weapons of a sudden & strike such brouses is worth thirty 



25 

millon of Dolors for a pouer man to have and others o brous mo 
thay wont my Life to git my money & so I must seel & be a 
sitteson of the world it is a wonder I am a Live the burds will 
Chip offen before I Can git to sleep the Noys is so grate all hell 
No more a T) bishups he wants to be Deatey Let sade beast gone 
once & twise act so Now tone much Laning make Rougs and 
fouls in the Eand Dig a Dich & fall in to it white Rop or a hare 
Rop taks them in time 
trouth 



This is revealed to me how the world was made witli what stuff 
it was made with is the question Now I tell the with paper pen 
and ink and type the Anemels to be the founders of it with a Lye 
& Lyes upon Lyes wose then beasts or Snaks or wouls or bars 
tigers Divijs and ten times wose with all Lyes untrouths the world 
allways was and is Look out for trouth a men I 

TIMOTHY DEXTER 

fourder in six Days and verey good and harde Labor I Cant 
gitt my monement Dun in sixty Days and work hard very hard 
& sweet it was for want of maney hands I had No hiram Nor 
Soloman only my selfe T DEXTER 

World makers mankind with marbol and parchment and paper 
pen & ink and printers tips and Lyes upon Lyes amen and amen 
the world was made in six Days out of Nothing o yess o lye Now 
all troue Lye yess all the world over 

TIMOTHY DEXTER 



APPENDIX. 

IN HONOR OF 

TIMOTHY DEXTER, ESa. 

This great philosopher may indeed be styled a phenomenon in 
nature ! The many literary qualifications he possesses rank him 
foremost among literary characters. That unequalled produc- 
tion from the pen of this wonderful philosopher, denominated " A 
Pickle for the Knowing Ones,'^ has not only received universal 
applause, and been ranked as of the first magnitude in the literary 
world, but has had such rapidity in its sale, that a copy cannot be 
procured, though diligently sought after by men of the most tran- 
scendant merit. 

Where can we find a man so extensively useful, and so eminently 
calculated to diffuse light to a dark and ignorant multitude, as this 
rare philosopher ? How penetrating his understanding ! How deep 
his ideas ! What a multitude of discoveries which before were hid 
in embiyo, have made their appearance at the nod of his genius 1 
Surely we may say, Blessed are the people who are highly favored 
with the greatest Luminary that ever gave light to an existing , 
world ! I 

While aiming at a just portrait of this remarkable Naturalist 
and Pliilosopher, his generosity is no less a subject of admiration, 
than his literary and philosophical abilities. The readiness with 
which his benevolent soul bestows donations calls forth the grateful 
acknowledgement of all who have been liberally assisted from his 
bountiful hand. 

Sec him the first to assist in building a church for the worship 
of God I See liim liberally give for the purchase of bells, the ready 
eash, without hesitation ! See him expending his fortune to preserve 
in e\'erlastmg romembrance, characters who have shone with un- 



27 

cxampled greatness in Europe and America ! Here the subject 
fails. Yain man may as well attempt to stop the course of nature, 
aa to do ample justice to this wonderful man ! 

Behold <all nature stands aghast 
To hear thy fame from east to west! 
How greathow grand of thee we hear, 
Thou man of sense — thou eastern star ! 

All men inquire — but few can tell 
How thou in science doth excel ! 
Great philosophic genius, we, 
The meanest reptiles, bow the knee. 

At thy majestic shrine we shrink ! 
What can we do, or say, or think ! 
When contemplating on thy worth. 
Which hath astonish' d all the earth. 

Great DEXTER, did the world do right, 
Thy name would shine with brilliant light ! 
|i^ Each would declare thv wond'rous fame. 

And shout at DEXTE^'S mighty name ! 



Salem, June 14, 1805 
My Lord Dexter, 

By the politeness of Mr. Emerson I received the very valuable 
contents of your package. A new edition of that unprecedented 
performance, entitled "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones," &c. is 
very urgently called for by the friends of literature in this country 
and in England — and I presume with the additions and improve- 
ments intended to accompany the second edition, provided it should 
be well printed, would entitle the author to a seat with the Disci- 
ples of Sir Joseph Banks, if not to a place in Bonaparte's Legion 
of Honor — for my Lord DEXTER is an honorable man. But, 
sir, the work cannot be executed for the sum named— nor in the 
tune specified. — I will print an edition of 500 copies with the 
additions, for fifty dollars, and cannot possibly do them for less. 

Wishing your Lordship health in perpetuity — a continuance of 
your admirable reasoning faculties — good spirits, and an abun- 
dance of wealth — and finally a safe passage ovcr any river not with 
Sticks, but a pleasure boat, I remain yours with the utmost ])ro- 
fundity. ^Y. CARLTON/ 

T/te Right Honorable Lord Dexter, \ 
Kt. Newhuryport. \ 



28 

The follering peases are not my Biting hut very drole 

TIMOTHY DEXTEE 
Mr. Melciier, 
Tour puhlisldng the following extract from a letter said to he 
from a trader among the Indians to a friend, may amuse some 
of your customers for the Gazette. 

A few days ago one of the Indians paid me a visit. After some 
conversation, he said that a minister from the United States had 
been with his tribe to teach them the Christian rehgion. He says 
that there is but one only living and true God, who is a good, wise, 
and powerful spirit (this Indian say too) and that there are three 
persons in the god head, of one substance and power, God the 
father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost, that the Father is 
of none, neither begotten, or proceeding, the Son is eternally be- 
gotten of the Father, the Holy Ghost eternally proceeding from 
the Father and the Son, and that the Holy Ghost visited a virgin, 
and conveyed the Son into her ; where he continued nine moons 
and then was born like other children, was born God and man, 
that when he was about thirty years old began to preach, but the 
great men no like his preaching, sent their warriors, who took and 
killed him. 

Indians ask what all this taUc mean, he say that the first man 
and woman broke God's law in eating what God had forbidden, 
that therefore they and all the children that should proceed from 
them must die, and be punished after death forever; that the Son 
came and died to save some of mankind from being punished after 
death. Oh ! 'trange that man could kill God the Son, and that 
liis death be of service to mankind — great many people die before 
tlie Son of God, and did not know any thing about him — it was 
then asked whether his dying would do poor Indians any good ; 
he say yes, if they believe ; then me say that pappoose no beheve 
them do no good ; he say you must leave that with God, and be- 
lieve for yourself — one say it is hard to believe such 'tories ; if 
Indian tell such 'trange thmgs, the white people no believe \\m. 



29 

A curious Sermon, hy the Rev. Mr. Hyherdin, wldch he made 

at the request of certain thieves that robbed him on a hill near 

Hartlgroio, in Hampsliire, (England) in their presence and 

at that instant. 

I greatly marvel that any man will disgrace thieving, and think 
that the doers thereof are worthy of death, considering it as a thing 
that Cometh near unto virtue, being used in all countries, and 
allowed by God himself; the thing which I cannot compendiously 
show unto you at so short a warning, and on so sharp an occasion. 
I must desire you, gentle audience of thieves, to take in good part 
what at this time cometh into my mind, not doubting but that you, 
through your good knowledge, are able to add much more unto it, 
than this which I shall now offer unto you. 

First, Fortitude and stoutness of courage, and also boldness of 
mind, is commended of some men to be a virtue ; which being 
granted, who is there then that will not judge thieves to be virtu- 
ous ? For they are of all men the most stout and hardy, and the 
most void of fear ; for thieving is a thing usual among all men ; 
for not only you that are here present, but also many others in 
divers places, both men, women and children, rich and poor, are 
daily of the faculty, as the hangman at Newgate can testify ; and 
that it is allowed of by God himself is evident from Scripture ;'?For 
if you examine the whole course of the Bible you will find that 
thieves have been beloved of God ; for Jacob, when he came out 
of Mesopotamia, did steal his uncle Laban's kids. The same 
Jacob did also steal his brother Esau's blessing ; and yet God said, 
I have chosen Jacob and refused Esau. The children of Israel, 
when they came out of Egypt, did steal the Egyptian's jewels of 
•ilver and jewels of gold, as God commanded them to do. 

David, in the days of Abiathar, the high priest, came into the 
temple and stole the hallowed bread; and yet God said, *' David 
is a man after my own heart.'' Christ himself, when he was here 
on earth, did take an ass and colt that was none of his ; and yet 
God said, **This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased." 
Thus you see that God delighted in thieves.^ ^ 

But most of all I marvel that men can despise thieves, whereaa 
ki many points you be like Christ himself; for Christ had no 
dwelling plaee no more than you — Christ at length was caught, 
and so will you — he went to hell and so will you. In this you 
•liffer from him, for he rose and went into heaven — so you will 



30 

never do without God's great mercy, wMch God grant you. To 
whom with the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, be all honor and 
glory, for ever and ever. Amen. 



From the Providence Ph(enix of December, 1804. 
MARaUIS OF NEWBURYPORT ! ! 

[ On Monday last arrived in this town the most nohle and illus- 
trious Lord TIMOTHY DEXTER, of Newhuryport, Mas- 
sachusetts, who ha^ since his arrival requested the 'publication 
of the following stanzas in this day^s paper, as a humble tribute 
to the incomprehensible majesty of his name! While tlkey 
serve as a brilliant specimen of the gifted talents and admira- 
ble sublimity of the Laureat, from whose pen they flowed, the 
tnrtuoso in genealogies, and the worshippers of noble rank and 
boundless fortune may derive a rich and delicious satisfaction 
from the subject to which they are devoted! 

ADVERTISEMENT EXTRA. 

OF THE CELEBRATED 

LORD DEXTER. 



LORD DEXTER is a man of fame, 
Most celebrated is his name ; 
More precious far than gold that's pure, 
Lord Dexter live for evermore. 

His noble house it shines more bright 
Than Lebanon's most pleasant height, 
Never was one who step'd therein 
Who wanted to come out again. 

His house is fill'd with sweet perfumes. 
Rich furniture doth fill his rooms ; 
Inside and out it is adorn' d, 
And on the top an eagle's form'd. 

His house is white and trimm'd with green, 
For many miles it may be seen ; 
It shines as bright as any star, 
The fame of it has spread afar. 



31 

Lord Dexter, thou, whose name alono 
Shines brighter than king George*s throne ; 
Thy name shall stand in books of fame, 
And Princes shall his name proclaim. 

Lord Dexter hath a coach beside. 
In pomp and splendor he doth ride ; 
The horses champ the silver bitt. 
And throw the foam around their feet. 

The images around him stand, 
For they were made by his command ; 
Looking to see Lord Dexter come, 
With fixed eyes they see him home. 

Four lions stand to guard the door, 
With their mouths open to devour 
All enemies who do disturb 
Lord Dexter or his shady grove. 

Lord Dexter, like king Solomon, 
Hath gold and silver by the ton, 
And bells to churches he hath given. 
To worship the great king of heaven. 

His mighty deeds they are so great, 
He's honor' d both by church and state, 
And when he comes all must give way, 
To let Lord Dexter bear the sway. 

When Dexter dies all things shall droop, 
Lord p]ast, Lord West, Lord North shaU stoop, 
And then Lord South with pomp shall come, 
And hear his body to the tomb. 

His tomb most charming to behold, 
A thousand sweets it doth unfold ; 
When Dexter dies shall willows weep. 
And mourning friends shall fill the street. 

May Washington immortal stand, 
May Jefferson by God's command 
Support the right of all mankind, 
John Adams not a whit behind. 

America with all your host, 

Lord Dexter in a bumper toast ; 

May he enjoy his life in peace, 

And when he's dead his name not cease. 

In heaven may he always reign, 
For there's no sorrow, sin, nor pain : 
Unto the world I leave the rest, 
For to pronounce Lord Dexter blest. 



32 



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