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Full text of "Plautus, with an English translation by Paul Nixon"

7V 



'03 



PLAUTUS. 

VOLUMK I. 

AMPHITRYON. 
THE COMEDY OF ASSES. 
THE POT OF GOLD. 
THE TWO BACCHISES. 
THE CAPTIVES. 

Volume II. 
CASIXA. 

THE CASKET COMEDY. 
CURCULIO. 
EPIDICUS. 
THE TWO MENAECHMUSES. 



THE LOEB CLASSICAL LIBRARY 

EDITED BY 

E. CAPPS, PH.])., LL.J1. T. E. PAGE, litt.d. 
^V. H. D. ROUSE, LiTT.D. 



PLAUTUS 
III 




"TTTu^^TTr^cJcuTr 



P L A U T U S 



LVvOK-..f-J 
WITH AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION BY 

PAUL NIXON 

PROFESSOR OF LATIN, BOWDOIS COLLEGE, UAINE 



IN FIVE VOLUMES 
III 



THE MERCHANT 
THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 
THE HAUNTED HOUSE 
THE PERSIAN 





LONDON : WILLIAM HEINEMANN 
NEW YORK : G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS 

MCMXXIV 



Printed in Great Britain 


Pt? 


t TG? 


fl^ 


q (o 



V.2, 



THE GREEK ORIGINALS AND DATES OF 
THE PLAYS IN THE THIRD VOLUME 

The Mercator is an adaptation of Philemon's 
Emporos}- When the Emporos was produced^ how- 
ever, is unknown, as is the date of production of the 
Mercator, and of the Mosldlaria and Perm, as well. 

The Alason, the Greek original of the Milex 
Gloriosus, was very likely written in 287 B.C., the 
argument ^ for that date being based on interna- 
tional relations during the reign of Seleucus,^ for 
whom Pyrgopolynices was recruiting soldiers at 
Ephesus. And Periplectomenus's allusion to the 
imprisonment of Naevius* might seem to suggest 
that Plautus composed the Miles about 206 b.c. 

Philemon's Fhasma was probably the original of 
the Mostellaria, and written, as it apparently was, 
after the death of Alexander the Great and Aga- 
thocles,^ we may assume that Philemon presented 
the Phasma between 288 b.c. and the year of the 
death of Diphilus,^ who was living when it was 
produced. 

^ Merc. Prol. 9. 

* Hueffner, De Plauti Comoediarum Exemplis Atticis, 28, 29. 

3 Miles 75, 948, 949. * Miles 211. 

» Most. 11 0. » Most. 1149. 

vii 



THE GREEK ORIGINALS 

In the Pcrsa the Persians are spoken of as a 
people still independent.^ The unknown Greek 
original of the play would therefore seem to have 
been written in the time of Demosthenes, before 
the conquests of Alexander. 

' Pcrsa 506. 



SOME ANNOTATED EDITIONS OF PLAYS 
IN THE THIRD VOLUME 

Miles Gloriosus, Brix-Niemej'er ; Leipzig, Teubner, 
1901. 

Miles Gloriosus, Lorenz ; Berlin, Weidmann, 1886. 

Miles Gloriosits, TwveW ; London, Macmillan & Co., 
1889. 

Mostellaria, Fay ; Boston, Alljn & Bacon, 1902. 

MosteUaria, Lorenz ; Berlin, Weidmann, 1883. 

Mostellaria, Sonnenschein ; Oxford, Clarendon 
Press, 1907. 



IX 



CONTENTS 

I. Mercator, or The Merchant J>^S^ ^ 

II. Miles Gloriosus, or The Braggart 

Warrior 119 

III. Mostellaria, or The Haunted House 287 

IV, Persa, or The Persian 417 
Index 525 



MERCATOR 

OR 

THE MERCHANT 



VOL. III. 



ARGVMENTVM I 

Missus mei'catum ab suo adulescens patre 
Emit atque adportat scita forma mulierem. 
Requirit quae sit, postquam earn vidit, senex 
Confingit servos emptam matri pedisequam. 
Amat senex hanc, ac se simulans vendere 
Tradit vicino ; eum putat uxor sibi 
Obduxe scortum. turn Charinum ex fuga 
Retrahit sodalis, postquam amicam invenit. 



ARGVMENTVM II 

Mercatum asotum filium extrudit pater, 
is peregre missus redimit ancillam hospitis 
amore captus, advehit. nave exilit, 
pater advolat, vix visam ancillam deperit. 
cuius sit percontatur ; servos pedisequam 
ab adulescente matri ait emptam ipsius. 

2 



ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (I) 

A young man, sent on a trading trip by his 
father, buys and brings home a charming young 
miss. The old gentleman, after seeing her, 
inquires who she may be. His son's servant 
pretends that she was bought as an attendant for 
the young man's mother. Falling in love with 
her and feigning to sell her, the old gentleman 
entrusts her to a neighbour ; and the neighbour's 
wife thinks he has got himself a mistress. Then 
Charinus is kept from leaving the country by 
his friend, who has found the young fellow's 
sweetheart. 



ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (U) 

A dissipated son is packed off on a trading 
trip by his father. Despatched abroad, he loses 
his heart to a maidservant of his host, buys her, 
and carries her home. He disembarks ; his father 
flies to the ship, and, at first sight of the maid, 
is smitten. He asks whose she is; his son's 
servant says the young man bought her as an 
attendant for his mother. Then the old gentle- 



B 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

senex, sibi prospiciens, ut amico suo 

veniret natum orabat, iiatus ut suo : 

hie filium subdiderat vicini^ pater 

vicinum ; praemercatur aneillam senex. ^^ 

earn domi deprehensam coniunx illius 

vicini scortum insimulat, protelat virum. 

mercator expes patria fugere destinat^ 

prohibetur a sodale, qui patrem illius 

orat cum suo patre, nato ut cederet.^ 

^ Corrupt (Leo): nun patrc suopte Lindsaj\ 



PERSONAE 

Charinvs advlescens 

acanthio servvs 

Demipho senex 

Lysimachvs senex 

Servvs 

EvTVCHvs advlescens 

Pasicompsa meretrix 

DORIPPA MATRONA 

Syra anvs 
Cocvs 



MERCATOR 

man, with his own comfort in mind, urgently 
entreats his son to have her sold to a friend of 
his; the son, to a friend of his own — a neigh- 
bour's son being the son's proxy, the neighbour 
himself, the father's. The old gentleman is first 
in the market and gets the girl. This neighbour's 
spouse, finding the girl in her house, takes her 
for her husband's mistress, and ejects him. The 
young merchant, in despair, determines to flee 
his native land, but is deterred by his friend who 
joins his own father in begging the old gallant 
to give way to his son. 



DRAMATIS PERSONAE 

Charinus, a yoimg gentleman of Athens. 

AcANTUio, his slave. 

Demipho, hisfalher. 

LvsiMACHUs, an old gentleman, friend of Demipho. 

A SLAVE, belonging to Lysimachus. 

EuTvcHus, son of Lysimachus. 

Pasicompsa, a courtesan. 

DoRippA, wife of Lysimachus. 

Svra, his old slave. 

A COOK. 



ACTVS I 

Duas res siniul nunc agere decretunist niilii : 
et argumentum et meos aniores eloqiiar. 
non ego item facio ut alios in comoediis 
vi vidi amoris facere, qui aut nocti aut die 
aut soli aut lunae miserias narrant suas ; 
quos pol ego credo humanas querimonias 
non tanti facere, quid velint quid non velint ; 
vobis narrabo potiiis meas nunc miserias. 

graece haec vocatur Emporos Philemonis^ 
eadem Latine Mercator Macci Titi. 10 

pater ad mercatum hinc me meus misit Khodum ; 
biennium iam factum est, postquam abii domo. 
ibi amare occepi forma eximia mulierem. 
sed ea ut sim implicitus dicam, si operaest auribus 
atque advortendum ad animum adest benignitas. 
et hoc parum hercle more amatorum institi : 
rem ^ eampse ecfatus sum orsusque inde exilico ; 
nam amorem haec cuncta vitia sectari solent, 

^ rem eampse ecfatus sum orsasqice Leo : j)^'' '''fi<* P^'f" 
conatus sum uos suvique inde exilico MSS. 



Scene : — Athens. A street in which stand the houses 
oJDemipho and Lysimachus. 

ACT I 

ENTER Charinus, pale and wan. 

[to audience) I am now resolved to do, at one and 
the same time, two things — acquaint you both 
witli the plot of this play and with my passion. 
I shall not imitate those other lovesick lovers I 
have seen in the comedies, who confide their woes 
to the night, or day, or sun, or moon ; very little 
care these, I fancy, about the complaints of mortals, 
their likes and dislikes. It is to you, rather, that 
I shall now confide my woes. 

The Greek name of this play is the Emporos, 
of Philemon ; in Latin we call it the Mercator, 
of Maccius Titus. 

My father [jvith a wave of the hand in the direction 
of Dcmipho's house) sent me away from here on a 
trading trip to Rhodes ; two years ago it is now, 
since I left home. There I fell in love with a 
perfectly beautiful girl. But how I became en- 
thralled you shall hear, if your ears are at leisure 
and you will accord me your kind attention. 
{apulogelically) And, by Jove, 1 have failed to 
follow fully the practice of lovers : this love of 
mine was the theme I announced, that was my 
starting point. For in the wake of love commonly 
come all these ills — care, sorrow and excessive 

7 



40 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

cura aegritudo nimiaque elegantia,^ 
multiloquium : parumloquium hoc ideo fit quia, 
quae nihil attingunt ad rem nee sunt usui, 
tam amator profert saepe advorso tempore ; 
hoc pauciloquium rursum idcirco praedico, 
quia iiullus umquam amator adeost calHde 
facundus, quae in rem sint suam ut possit loqui. 
nunc vos mi irasci ob multiloquium non decet : 
eodem quo amorem Venus mi hoc legavit die. 
illuc revorti certumst, conata eloquar. 
principio ut ex ephebis aetate exii 
atque animus studio amotus puerilist meus, 
amare valide coepi hinc meretricem : ilico 
res exulatum ad illam clam abibat patris. 
leno importunuSj dominus eius mulieris, 
vi summa ut quicque poterat raj)iebat domum. 
obiurigare pater haec noctes et dies, 
perfidiam, iniustitiam lenonum expromere ; 
lacerari valide suam rem, illius augerier. 
summo haec clamore ; interdum mussans conloqui : 
abnuere, negitare adeo me natum suom. 50 

conclamitare tota urbe et praedicere, 

* Leo brackets following vv. , 20-30 : 

haec non modo ilium qui aniat, sed quemque attigit 

magna atque solido multat in/ortunio, 

nee pol pro/ccto quisqua.m sine grandi malo 

praequam res patitur shcduit elegantiae. 

sed amori accedunt eliam haec, quae dixi minus : 

iiisomnia, aenimna, error, terror etfuga, 

ineptia stuUitiaque adeo et teineritas, 

incogilantia excors, immodestia, 

pet^ilantia et cupiditas, malevolentia, 

inertia, aviditas, desidia, iniuria, 

inopia, contumelia et dispendiicm. 



MERCATOR 

display,^ and overtalking — which overtalking be- 
comes undertalking because a lover constantly 
delivers himself of useless irrelevancies at the 
wrong time ; and then again I pronounce this 
overtalking sub-talking, b)' reason of the fact 
that no lover is ever so artfully eloquent as to be 
able to say the things that help him. So you 
people should not be irritated at my own over- 
talking now : it was my legacy from Venus on 
the same day she gave me my love. To which 
love of mine I must now return^ and resume my 
tale. 

In the beginning, after I had come of age and 
lost my zest for childish things, I became com- 
pletely captivated by a courtesan here ; forthwith 
my father's property quietly went into exile to 
her. The ruthless pimp, who owned the girl, 
grabbed and made off with everything he could 
pounce on. My father denounced all this night and 
day, picturing the perfidy and injustice of pimps. 
To think that his own estate should be absolutely 
mangled, and that fellow's multiplied ! All this 
at the top of his lungs ; or now again he would 
mutter what he had to say — shake his head, and 
even insist that I was no son of his. All over the 
city he would go, bebawling and giving notice no 

' vv. 20-30 : And this is a vice which takes a full and 
heavy toll, not only from the lover, but from everj'one 
affected by it, nor is there a single soul, I swear, given to 
display beyond his means who does not pay an ample 
penalty. But love has still more ills which I omitted — 
sleeplessness, anxiety, uncertainty, fear and flight, silli- 
ness, yes, and stupidity and recklessness, and senseless 
unreflection, immodesty, wantonness and lust, ill-will, 
inertia, inordinate desire, sloth, injustice, contumely and 
extravagance. 

• 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

omnes tenerent mutuitanti credere. 

amorem multos inlexe in dispendium ; 

intemperantem, non modestum, iniurium 

trahere, exhaurire me quod quirem ab se domo ; 

ratione pessuma a me ea quae ipsus oj^tuma 

omnis labores invenisset perferens, 

in amoribus diffunditari ac didier. 

convicium tot me annos iam se pascere ; 

quod nisi puderet, ne luberet vivere. 60 

sese extemplo ex ephebis postquam excesserit, 

non, ut ego, amori neque desidiae in otio 

operam dedisse, neque potestatem sibi 

fuisse ; adeo arte cohibitum esse se a patre : 

multo opere immundo rustico se exercitum, 

neque nisi quinto anno quoque solitum ^ visere 

urbem, atque extemplo inde, ut spectavisset 

peplum, 
rus rusum confestim exigi solitum a patre. 
ibi multo primum sese familiarium 
laboravisse, quom haec pater sibi diceret : 70 

" tibi aras, tibi occas, tibi seris, tibi idem metis, 
tibi denique iste pariet laetitiam labos." 
postquam recesset vita patrio corpore, 
agrum se vendidisse atque ea pecunia 
navem, metretas quae trecentas tolleret, 
parasse atque ea se mercis mercatum undique, 
adeo dum, quae turn haberet, peperisset bona ; 
me idem decere, si ut deceret me forem. 

ego me ubi in visum meo patri esse intellego 80 

' solitum Ritschl : j>ositum MSS, 



MERCATOR 

one was to trust me when I looked for loans. 
Love had lured many a man into extravagance, he 
would tell me ; but I was an intemperate, un- 
restrained, unprincipled waster, doing all I could 
to drain him dry ; and the good substance he had 
acquired by his own unsparing toil was being 
scattered and squandered by me in the vilest way, 
on my amours. To think that he had supported 
me all these years to be a scandal to him ! If I 
was not ashamed of such a life, I ought to end my 
life, and do it gladly. Why, here was he — he had 
not turned to love affairs and lolling about in 
idleness like me the moment he came of age, nor 
did he have a chance — so tightly was he held in 
check by his father. Work on the farm, dirty 
work and plenty of it, that was his training, and 
there was no visiting the city for him, except once 
every four years,^ and just as soon as he had set 
eyes on the sacred robe "^ his father used to pack 
him off post haste to the farm again. And there 
he was the best labourer of them all by far, and 
his father would say: "It is for yourself you 
plough, for yourself you harrow, for yourself you 
sow, yes, and for yourself you reap, and for your- 
self, finally, that labour will engender joy." After 
life had left his father's body, he had sold the 
farm and with the money bought a ship of fifteen 
tons burden and marketed his cargoes of mei'- 
chandise everywhere, till he had at length 
acquired the wealth which he then possessed. 
I ought to do the same, if I were what I ought 
to be. 

As for me, when I realized that I was detestable 

^ For the Panathenaic festival. 
^ Presented to Athena. 

II 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

atque odio me esse qiioi placere aequom fuit, 

aniens amansque ut animum offirmo meum, 

dico esse iturum me mercatum^ si velit : 

amorem missum facere me, dum illi obsequar. 

agit gratias mi atque ingenium adlaudat meum ; 

sed mea promissa non neglexit persequi. 

aedificat navem cercurum et mercis emit, 

parata navi imponit, praeterea mihi 

talentum argenti ipsus sua adnumerat manu ; 

servom una mittit, qui olim puero parvolo 90 

mihi paedagogus fuerat, quasi uti mihi foret 

custos. his sic confectis navem solvimus. 

Rhodum venimus, ubi quas merces vexeram 
omnis ut volui vendidi ex sententia. 
hicrum ingens facio praeterquam mihi meus 

pater 
dedit aestimatas merces : ita peculium 
conficio grande. sed dum in portu illi ambulo, 
hospes me quidam adgnovit, ad cenam vocat. 
venio, decumbo acceptus hilare atque ampliter. 
discubitum noctu ut imus, ecce ad me advenit IOC 

mulier, qua mulier alia nullast pulchrior ; 
ea nocte mecum ilia hospitis iussu fuit. 
vosmet videte quam mihi valde placuerit : 
postridie hospitem adeo, oro ut vendat mihi, 
dico eius pro meritis gratum me et munem fore. 

quid verbis opus est ? emi, atque advexi heri. 
eam me advexisse nolo resciscat pater, 
modo eam reliqui ad portum in navi et servolum. 

12 



MERCATOR 

to my own father and disgusting to the man I 
should dehght, lovesick lunatic though I was, 
I summoned my resolution and declared that 
1 would go on a trading trip, if he so desired : my 
love should be put aside if only I could please 
him. He thanked me and be-lauded my good 
intentions ; but he did not fail to follow up my 
promises. He built a small Cyprian bark, bought 
merchandise, loaded the now completed vessel, 
and furthermore counted me out two hundred 
pounds with his own hand. A slave who had 
been my attendant in time past, when I was a 
tiny lad, he sent along with me as a sort of 
guardian. These preparations made, we weighed 
anchor. 

We arrived at Rhodes, where I sold my whole 
cargo quite to my satisfaction. I made a big 
profit over and above the price my father set for 
me on the merchandise ; so I cleared a good bit 
of pocket-money for myself. But while I was 
strolling about the port there, an old friend of oui's 
recognized me and invited me to dinner. I went, 
and met with a jovial and lavish welcome at his 
table. On our going to bed at night, lo and 
behold ! a gii-1 came to me, an unsurpassed beauty 
of a girl I That night she spent with me by order 
of my host. See for yourselves how completely 
she charmed me : the next day I went to my 
host and begged him to sell her to me, saying 
I should be grateful and deeply obliged for the 
favour. 

To come to an end — I did buy her, and brought 
her here yesterday. But I don't want my father 
to find out I have brought her. I just now left 
her at the harbour on board the ship, along with 

13 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

sed quid currentem servom a portu conspicor, 
quern navi abire vetui ? timeo quid siet. 



n. Ex sunimis opibus viribusque usque experire, 

nitere, 
erus ut minor opera tua servetur : agedum, 

Acanthio, 
abige abs te lassitudinem, cave pigritiae prae- 

verteris. 
simul enicat suspiritus (vix sufFero hercle anhe- 

litum), 
simul autem plenis semitis qui adversum eunt : 

aspellito, 
detrude, deturba in viam. haec disciplina hie 

pessumast : 
currenti properanti baud quisquam dignum habet 

decedere. 
ita tres simitu res agendae sunt, quando unam 

occeperis : 
et currendum et pugnandum et autem iurigandum 

est in via. 
ir. Quid illuc est quod ille tarn expedite exquirit 

cursuram sibi ? 
curaest, negoti quid sit aut quid nuntiet. 
!». Nugas ago. 

quam restito, tarn maxime res in periclo vortitur. 
ir. Mali nescio quid nuntiat. 

in. Genua hunc cursorem deserunt ; 

perii, seditionem facit lien, occupat praecordia, 

14 



MERCATOR 

my servant, {looking down the street) But there 
lie is running up from the harbour, when I forbade 
him to leave the ship ! Why is that? I'm afraid 
of what it means ! (steps hack) 

ENTER Acanihio in burlesque flurry and 

EXHAUSTION. 

(jiot seeing him) Put forth every . . . ounce of 
your . . . stamina and . . . strength, do your 
. . . utmost to save your young . . . master ! 
Come, come, Acanthio, fight . . . off your fatigue, 
don't succumb to . . . sloth ! Between shortness 
of . . . breath — Lord, Lord, I can hardly stand 
this . . . panting ! — and the people that butt into 
you on the crowded . . . walks, I've been killed 
. . . twice over I (staggering about wildly). Shove 
'em away, thrust 'em aside, throw 'em . . . down 
in the street I What a . . . disgusting habit they 
do have here ! When a man's running ... in a 
hurry, not a . . . soul sees fit to make way for 
him ! So when you've begun on . . . one thing, 
you liave to do . . . three things all at the same 
. . . time — run and fight and wrangle, too, all 
the . . . way. (halts, completely fagged) 
(aside) Why is it he's so ready for a chance to run ? 
What does it mean .'' What's his news .'' It 
worries me ! 

This is useless ! The more I . . . dawdle, the 
more dangerous the situation . . . gets. 
It's some bad news or other he's bringing ! 
(making prodigious hut fruitless attempts to hurry) Ah, 
this runner's knees are . . . failing him ! Lord 
help me ! My . . . spleen's in revolt ; it's storm- 
ing my diaphragm ! Oh, Lord help me ! I {gasp- 

15 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

peril, animam nequeo vertere, nimis nihili tibicen 
siem.^ 

numquam edepol onines balineae mi banc lassi- 
tudinem eximent. 

domin an foris dicam esse erum Charinum ? 
ar. Ego animi pendeo. 

quid illud sit negoti lubet scire, ex lioc metu ut 
eximar. 
•an. At etiam asto ? at etiam cesso foribus facere bisce 
assulas ? 

aperite aliquis. ubi Charinus est erus ? domin est 
an foris ? 

num quisquam adire ad ostium dignum arbitratur ? 
uir. Ecce me, 

Acantbio, quem quaeris. 
^aii, Nusquamst discipbna ignavior. 

utr. Quae te malae res agitant ? 

:an. Multae, ere, te atque me. 

kar. Quid est negoti ? 
7071. Periiraus. 

kar. Principium id inimicis dato. 
can. At tibi sortito id optigit. 
kar. Loquere id negoti quidquid est. 
can. Placide, volo adquiescere. 

tua causa rupi ramites,iam dudum sputo sanguinem. 
har. Resinam ex melle Aegy ptiam vorato, sal vom feceris. 

^ Leo brackets following v., 126 : 
lar. At tu edepol sume laciniam atqm absterge sudorcm tibi. 

i6 



MERCATOR 

itig) can't catch my bi*eath ! It's a . . . precious 

poor flute-player I'd make ! ^ Oh, all the . . . 

baths in the world will never rid me of this . . . 

tired feeling. I^slruggles on a hit further) Is my 

master, Charinus, at home or . . . out, I wonder? 

(aside) I'm all in the dark. I'd like to know what 

the trouble is, and get rid of this dread of mine. 

But still . . . standing here .'' Still slow about 

. . . staving this door to splinters .'' (drags himself 

up to Demipho's house and knocks weakly) Open, 

someone ! Where is my . . . master, Charinus .'' 

Is he home, or . . . out ? So no one thinks fit 

to come to the door, eh ? 

{stepping up) Here I am, Acanthio--the man you're 

after. 

{indignantly, not noticing him) Slacker discipline you 

can't . . . find ! 

{7nore loudly) What the devil's troubling you ? 

(turniiig) It is the very devil, sir, for you and . . . 

me, both. 

{frightened) What's the matter } 

We're done for, sir ! 

{not liking the omei}) Keep that exordium for our 

enemies I 

But you are the man it's . . . destined for. 

Do tell me what's up, whatever it is ! 

Gently, gently, sir, I want to . . . rest. I've 

burst the blood-vessels of my . . . lungs for your 

sake ; I've been spitting . . . blood this long 

time. 

{impatiently) Take a dose of Egyptian resin and 

honey ; that'll cure you. 

^ V. 126 : Char. Oh, heavens, man I Take the flap of your 
cloak and wipe your sweat off. 



17 



oL. in. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

'1. At edepol tu calidam picem bibito, aegritudo 

abscesserit. IIC 

r. Hominem ego iracundiorem quam te novi neminem. 
•I. At ego maledicentiorem quam te novi neminem. 
r. Sin saluti quod tibi esse censeo, id consuadeo ? 
n. Apage istiusmodi salutem, cum cruciatu quae 

advenit. 
r. Die mihi, an boni quid usquamst, quod quisquam 
uti possiet 
sine malo omni^aut ne laborem capias cum illo uti 
voles ? 
1. Nescio ego istaec : philosophari numquam didici 
neque scio. 
ego bonunij malum quo accedit, mihi dari haud 
desidero. 
r. Cedo tuam mihi dexteram^ agedum, Acanthio. 
'I. Em dabitur, tene. 

r. Vin tu te mihi obsequentem esse an nevis ? 
n. Opera licet 15C 

experiri, qui me rupi causa currendo tua, 
ut quae scirem scire actutum tibi liceret. 
r. Liberum 

caput tibi faciam cis paucos mensis. 
n. Palpo percutis. 

r. Egon ausim tibi usquam quicquam facinus falsum 
proloqui ? 
quin iam prius quam sum elocutus, scis si mentiri 
volo. 
'(. Ah, 

lassitudinem hercle vei'ba tua mihi addunt, enicas. 

i8 



MERCATOR 

{(I'lgri/) Yes, by gad, and you take a drink of hot 

. . . pitch ; that'll drive away your doldrums. 

[taken aback) A more touchy man than you I don't 

know. 

Well, a more abusive man than you I don't know. 

For urging you to do a thing that I think will 

cure you t 

Be damned to cures of that sort — that come with 

torture. 

[soothinglif) Tell me this — is there such a thing as 

weal unmixed with woe anywhere, for anyone to 

enjoy, or can you hope to enjoy it without some^ 

trouble ? 

[slill sulkij) I don't understand that stuff: I never 

learned to philosophize, and I don't know how. 

But weal with woe in it is a present I don't 

hanker for. 

(^pleadingly) Give me your hand, come, come, 

Acanthio ! 

{proffering it, reluctantly) There! There you are, 

take it ! 

{grasping it fervently) Are you willing to oblige me 

or not ? 

You can test that by experience, seeing I 

ruptured myself with running, all for your sake, 

so as to let you know at once what I know. 

(after waiting vainly for the knoivledge to he imparled) 

It's a free man I'll make you, inside of a few 

months. 

(still unappcased) Huh ! Patting my back ! 

Would I dare tell an untrutli to a man like you 

under any circumstances ? Why, even before I've 

spoken you know if I want to lie. 

Bah I Your talk makes me wearier still, you'll be 

the death of me ! 

19 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Sicine mi obsequens es ? 

Quid vis faciam ? 

Tun ? id quod volo. 
Quid id est igitur quod vis ? 

Dicam. 
Dice. 

At enim placide volo. 
Dormientis spectatores metuis ne ex somno excites ? 1 fiO 
Vae tibi. 

Tibi equidem a portu adporto hoc — 

Quid fers ? die mihi. 
Vim metum^ cruciatum curam, iurgiumque atque 

inopiam. 
Perii, tu quidem thensaurum hue mi adportavisti 

mali. 
nullus sum. 

Immo es — 

Seio iam, miserum dices tu. 
;. Dixi ego tacens. 

Quid istuc est mali ? 
!. Ne rogites, maxumum infortunium est. 

ObsecrOj dissolve iam me ; nimis diu animi pendeo. 
(. Placide, multa exquircre etiam prius volo quam 
vapulem. 
Hercle vero vapulabis, nisi iam loquere aut hinc 
abis. 
I. Hoc sis vide, ut palpatur. nullust, quando occepit, 

blandior. 
<: Obsecro hercle oroque ut istuc quid sit actutum 

indices, 17C 



MERCATOR 

{ plaintiveli/) Is this the way you oblige me ? 

(gruffly) What d'ye want me to do ? 

(thnid) You? Why, what I want. 

What is it you want, then ? 

I'll tell you. 

(more gruffly) Proceed, proceed ! 

\Vell, but do let's speak gently ! 

Are you afraid of rousing the audience from their 

slumbers? 

Be damned to you ! 

[vehementlij) To you, as a matter of fact, [more 

calmly) I'm reporting this news from the port 

{on edge) What are you bringing me ? Speak ! 
Violence and dread, anguish and apprehension, 
wrangling and want. 

Lord help me ! Why, man, this is a perfect 
mine of trouble you've brought me ' I'm a 
ruin ! 

Oh, no, you're a [glowers) 

Yes, yes, I know — a poor wretch, you're going to 

say, 

I said it — silently. 

What is this trouble ? 

Don't keep asking ; it's a horrible misfortune. 

For Heaven's sake, do relieve me now ! I've been 

hanging in suspense too long ! 

{^judicially) Gently, gently ! There are still many 

things I wish to inquire into before the thrashing 

I— get. 

)iy gad, you shall be thrashed, I promise you, unless 

you instantly speak out, or get out ! 

{pleasantly) Just see that ! How he does pat a 

fellow ! None smoother, once he gets going 1 

{pleadingly again) I beg and beseech you, do, do 

let me know this minute what the trouble is, 



TITUS MACCIUS FLAUTUS 

quandoquidem mihi supplicandum servolo video 
meo. 
!. Tandem indignus videor? 

Immo dignus. 

Equidem credidi. 
Obsecro, mim navis periit? 
<. Salvast navis, ne time. 

Quid alia armamenta? 
I. Salva et sana sunt. 

Quin tu expedis 
quid siet quod me per urbem currens quaerebas 
modo, 
I. Tu quidem ex ore orationem mi eripis. 

Taceo. 

I. Tace. 
credo, si boni quid ad te nuntiem, instes acriter, 
qui nunc, quom malum audiendumst, flagitas me 

ut eloquar. 
'•. Obsecro hercle te, istuc ut tu mihi malum facias 

palam. 
>i. Eloquar, quandoquidem me oi'as. tuos pater — 
r. Quid mens pater ? 18( 

<i. Tuam amicam — 
/•. Quid earn .'' 

II. Vidit. 

;•. Vidit } vae misero mihi.^ 

qui potuit videre ? 
)i. Oculis. 

/•. Quo pacto } 

n. Hiantibus. 

^ Leo brackets following v., 182 : 

hoc quod te rogo responde. Acan. Quin tu, si quid vis, roga. 

22 * 



MERCATOR 

seeing that I must turn suppliant to my own 

slave ! 

{dangerously) So I seem quite unworthy of it, eh ? 

[hnniedly) No, no, quite worthy ! 

Ah, so 1 supposed. 

Tell me, tell me, the ship hasn't sunk ? 

The ship is safe, never fear. 

Well, and the tackle .'^ 

Safe and sound. 

Why don't you explain what it is that set you 

chasing me through the city at top speed just 

now? 

Why, you yourself take the words out of my 

mouth. 

I'll keep still. 

Keep still, then. If it was good news I had, I 

believe you would fairly fly at me, seeing how you 

pester me to speak out when it's bad news you 

must listen to. 

For God's sake, let me know what your bad news 

is? 

Well, I'll out with it, since you're so insistent. 

Your father 

{in terror) What about my father? 

Your sweetheart 

What about her ? 

He saw her. 

He saw her? Oh Lord, I'm in for it I ^ How 

could he see her? 

With his eyes. 

In what way, I mean ? 

Opening 'em wide. 

^ V. 182 : Answer me what I ask you. Acan. Well, ask 
if you want anything, 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

In hinc dierectus? nugare in re capital! mea. 
Qui, malum, ego nugor, si tibi quod me rogas 

respondeo ? 
Certen vidit? 

Tarn hercle certe quara ego te aut tu me vides. 
Vbi earn vidit ? 

Intus intra navem, ut prope astitit ; 
et cum ea confabulatust. 

Perdidisti me, pater. 
eho tu, eho tu, quin cavisti ne eam videret, verbero ? 
quin, sceleste, abstrudebas, ne eam conspiceret 

pater ? 
Quia negotiosi eramus nos nostris negotiis : 
armamentis complicandis^ componendis studuimus. 
dum haec aguntur, lembo advehitur tuos pater 

pauxillulo, 
neque quisquam hominem conspicatust, donee in 

navem subit. 
Nequiquam, mare, subterf ugi a tuis tempestatibus : 
equidem me iam censebam esse in terra atque in 

tuto loco, 
verum video med ad saxa ferri saevis fluctibus. 
loquere porro, quid sit actum. 

Postquam aspexit mulierem, 
rogitare occepit cuia esset. 

Quid respondit .'' 

Ilico 
occucurri atque interpello, matri te ancillam tuae 
emisse illam. 

Visun est tibi credere id ? 

Etiam rogas ? 
sed scelestus subigitare occepit. 

lUamne, obsecro ? 
Mirum quin me subigitaret. 

* Leo brackets following ct, 
24 



MERCATOR 

Oh, damn you ! Quibbling when my life's at 
stake ! 

How am I quibbling, curse it, if I answer what 
you ask ? 

He really saw her ? 

Gad ! As really as I see you, or you me. 
Where did he see her? 

There on board, as he stood near her ; and he 
talked with her, too. 

Ah, father, you've finished me ! {to Acanlhio) But 
look here, you ! Look here, you ! Why didn't 
you take care he shouldn't see her, you whip- 
stock } Why didn't you hide her away, you 
villain, and keep her out of my father's 
sight ^ 

Because we were busy with our own business : we 
were intent on furling sail and getting things ship- 
shape. Meanwhile, up comes your father in a 
tiny cutter, and not a soul set eyes on him till he 
climbed aboard. 

{tragically) In vain, oh sea, have I escaped thy 
temi)ests I Methought I now was surely safe on 
shore, only to find myself flung upon the rocks 
by the raging billows ! Go on, go on, tell what 
took place ! 

After he spied the girl, he began asking whose she 
was. 

What did she answer } 

I ran up at once and broke in on 'em, saying you 
had bought her as a maid for your mother. 
Did he seem to believe you ? 

Of course he did ! But the blackguard began to 
pet! 

For Heaven's sake ! Her } 
{snorting) Strange it wasn't me he petted ! 

25 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Edepol cor miseruin ineum, 
quod guttatim contal^escit, quasi in aquam indi- 

deris salem. 
perii. 

Em istuc unum verbum dixisti verissimum. 
stultitia istaec est. 

Quid faciam ? credo, non credet pater, 
si illam matri meae me emisse dicam ; post autem 

mihi 
scelus videtur, me parenti proloqui mendacium. 
neque ille credet, neque credibile est forma eximia 

mulierem, 
earn me emisse ancillam matri. 

Non taces, stultissime .^ 
credet hercle, nam credebat iam mihi. 

Metuo miser, 
ne patrem prehendat, ut sit gesta res, suspicio. 
lioc quod te rogo responde quaeso. 

Quaeso quid rogas ? 
Num esse amicam suspicari visus est.'' 

Non visus est. 
quin quicque ut dicebam mihi credebat. 

Verum, ut tibi quidem 
visus est. 

Non, sed credebat. 

Vae mihi misero, nullus sum. 
sed quid ego hie in lamentando pereo, ad navem 

non eo ? 
sequere. 

Si istac ibis, commodum obviam venies patri ; 
postea aspiciet te timidum esse atque exanimatum: 

ilico 
retinebit, rogitabit unde illam emeris, quanti 

emeris : 
timidum temjjtabit te. 

26 



MERCATOll 

Oh, Lord! My poor heart! It's melting away 
speck by speck, just as when you put salt in water ! 
I'm lost, lost ! 

(xcomful) There ! That's the truest thing you've 
said ! {pauses, then cheerfully) That's all foolish- 
ness. 

{in despair) What shall I do ? I don't believe my 
father will believe me, if I say I bought her for my 
mother; besides, {virluouslij) I think it's wicked 
to tell a lie to my own parent. He won't believe 
it, and it can't be believed, that I bought such an 
exquisite creature to be my mother's maid. 
Do keep still, won't you, you idiot ? He'll believe 
you, Lord, yes ! Why, he has already believed 
me. 

Oh dear! How I dread his coming to suspect the 
real situation ! Answer me this question, please, 
please ! 

What is your question, please, please.'' 
He didn't seem to suspect she was my mis- 
tress ? 

He did not. W'hy, he believed each and every- 
thing I told him. 

{unconvinced) That is, you thought he did. 
No, but he did. 

Oh, Lord help me I It's all over ! But why am I 
wailing my life away here, and not going to the 
ship ? {to Acanlhio) Come along I {sets off dofvn 
the street) 

If you go that way, you'll come plump and pat on 
your father. Then he'll observe that you're 
nervous and all upset: the next thing he'll detain 
you, demand where you bought her, how much 
you bought her for — cross-examine you while 
you're excited. 

27 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

r. Hac ibo potius. iam censes patrem 

abiisse a portu ? 
n. Quin ea ego hue praecucurri gratia, 

ne te opprimeret imprudentem atque electaret. 
r. Ojitime. 

ACTVS II 
I. Mil-is modis di ludos faciunt hominibus 

mirisque exemplis somnia in somnis danunt. 
velut ego nocte hac quae praeteriit proxuma 
in somnis egi satis et fui homo exercitus. 
mercari visas mihi sum formosam capram ; 
ei ne noceret quam domi ante habui capram 
neu discordarent, si ambae in uno essent loco^ 
posterius quam mercatus fucram, visus sum 
in custodelam simiae concredere. 

ea simia adeo post baud multo ad me venit, 
male mihi precatur et facit convicium : 
ait sese illius opera atque adventu caprae 
flagitium et damnum fecisse baud medioci-iter ; 
dicit capram, quam dederam servandam sibi, 
suae uxoris dotem ambedisse oppido, 
mi illud videri mirum, ut una illaec capra 
uxoris simiai dotem ambederit. 
instare factum simia, atque hoc denique 
respondet, ni properem illam ab sese abducere, 
ad me domum intro ad uxorem ducturum meam. 

atque oppido hercle bene velle iUi visus sum, 
ast non habere cui commendarem capram ; 
28 



MERCATOR 

{turning around) I'll go this way, instead. Do you 
suppose my father has left the harbour by now ? 
Why, I ran ahead here, I tell you, just so that he 
mightn't catch you unawares and worm the truth 
out of you. 
Good for you ! [exeunt. 

ACT II 

ENTER Demipho, perplexed. 

The Gods do make sport of us mortals in amazing 
ways ! And amazing dreams they do send us in 
our sleep ! Myself, for instance, just this past 
night — how I was hustled and bustled in my 
sleep ! I seemed to have bought a beautiful she- 
goat. So that she might not be harmed by 
another she-goat I already had at home, and that 
they might not fall foul of each other if they were 
both in the same place, it seemed that after buying 
her I committed her to the care of a monkey. 

Well, not long afterwards this monkey came over 
and heaped curses and abuse upon me : he said 
that, thanks to that she-goat and her arrival, he 
had let himself in for no end of disgrace and loss ; 
that she-goat I had, given him to keep for me, he 
maintained, had completely devoured his wife's 
dowry. It seemed to me amazing that that one 
she-goat should devour the dowry of a monkey's 
wife. But the monkey insisted she had, and this 
was his ultimatum — that unless I took her away 
from his house at once, he would take her into 
my own house to my wife. 

And there I was, by Jove, seeming to have the 
tenderest sort of feeling for that she-goat, but 
without a soul to shelter her — which made my 

29 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

quo magis quid facerem cura cruciabar miser. 

interea ad me haedus visust adgredirier, 

infit mihi praedicare, sese ab simia 

capram abduxisse, et coepit inridere me ; 

ego enim lugere atque abductam illam aegre pati, 

hoc quam ad rem credam pertinere somnium, 
nequeo invenire ; nisi capram illam suspicor 
iam me invenisse quae sit aut quid voluerit. 
ad portum hinc abii mane cum luci simul ; 
postquam id quod volui transegi, atque ego con- 

spicor 
navem ex Rhodo quast heri advectus filius ; 
conlibitumst illuc mihi nescio qui visere : 
inscendo in lembum atque ad navem devehor. 
atque ego illi aspicio forma eximia mulierem, 
flHus quam advexit meus matri ancillam suae, 
quam ego postquam aspexi, non ita amo ut sani 

solent 
liomines, sed eodem pacto ut insani solent. 
amavi hercle equidem ego olim in adulescentia, 
verum ad hoc exemplum numquam, ut nunc 

insanio. 
unum quidem hercle iam scio^ periisse me ; 
vosmet videte ceterum quanti siem. 

nunc hoc profecto sic est : haec illast capra ; 
verum hercle simia ilia atque haedus mihi malum 
adportant, atque eos esse quos dicam hau scio. 
sed conticiscanij nam eccum it vicinus foras. 

Profecto ego illunc hircum castrari volo, 
ruri qui vobis exhibet negotium. 

30 



MERCATOR 

anguish, and anxiety as to what to do, all the 
greater, poor wretch ! Meanwhile a kid, so it 
seemed, came up to me with the announcement 
that he had taken that she-goat away from the 
monkey, and began to laugh at me — for I was 
weeping and wailing at her abduction. 

Now what this dream portends, I can't discover, 
except that, as to that she-goat, I suspect, I've 
already discovered what she is, or signified. For 
I went down to tlie harbour this morning at day- 
break ; after transacting the business I had in 
hand I suddenly spied the ship that brought my 
son from Rhodes yesterday, and for some unknown 
reason took a notion to go and look it over. 
Clambering into a boat, I was carried to the ship. 
And then [rapturously) I beheld a girl, a perfect 
beauty of a girl, brought here by my son to be his 
mother's maid ! The minute I set eyes on her I 
fell in love — not as sane men do, but like a mad- 
man. Lord, Lord! I've been in love before, of 
course, when I was young, but never in any such 
mad way as this. Oh, Lord ! One thing I do 
know now at any rate — it's all over with me ! Oh 
well, see for yourselves what I am good for ! 

Now this is surely the way of it — the girl is that 
she-goat ; but that monkey and kid, by Jove, are 
bringing me trouble, and who to say they are I 
don't know. (Iiste7ung) But I must hush, for 
there's my neighbour' coming out! 

I. ENTER Lysimachus from his house, followed 

UY A SLAVE. 

{to slave) As for that he-goat that's such a nuisance 
to you on the farm, I want him gelded, by all 
means. 

31 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Nee omen illud mihi nee auspieium placet, 
quasi hircum inetiio ne uxor me castret mea.^ 
I tu hinc ad villam atque istos rastros vilico 
Pisto ipsi facJto coram ut tradas in manum. 
uxori facito ut nunties, negotium 
mihi esse in urbe, ne me exspectet ; nam mihi 
tris hodie litis iudicandas dicito. 
ei, et hoc memento dicere. 

Numquid amplius ? 
Tantumst. 

Lysimache, salve. 

Euge, Demipho, 
salveto. quidagis.^ quid fit? 

Quod miserrumus. 
Di melius faxint. 

Di hoc quidem faciunt. 

Quid est ? 
Dicam, si videam tibi esse operam aut otium. 
Quamquam negotiumst, si quid vis^ Demipho, 
non sum occupatus umquam amico operam dare, 
lienignitatem tuam mi experto praedicas. 
quid tibi ego aetatis videor? 

Acherunticus, 
senex vetus^ decrepitus. 

Pervorse vides. 
puer sum, Lysimache, septuennis. 

Sanun es, 
qui puerum te esse dicas ? 

Vera praedico. 

^ Leo brackets following v. , 276 : 

atque illius haec nunc simiae partis fcrat. 

32 



MERCATOR 

{starting) That's no omen, that's no augury I like ! 
I'm afraid my wife will treat me as if I were 
the goat ! ^ 

You be off to the villa now, and mind you hand 
over those mattocks to bailiff Pistus in person. 
And notify my wife, mind, that 1 have business in 
the city and she's not to expect me ; for I have 
three cases coming on to-day, tell her. Be off, 
and remember to tell her this. 
(turning to go) Nothing further, sir ? 
That is all. [exit slave. 

(approachitig) Good day, Lysimachus. 
{pleased) Aha ! Demipho ! Good day to you ! How 
are you .'' How goes it } 
{gloomy) Miserably as can be ! 
God forbid ! 

But it's just what He does bid ! 
What's wrong? 

I would tell you, if you seemed to have time 
to attend. 

Busy though I am, Demipho, if you want anything, 
I am never too much occupied to oblige a friend. 
{heartily) Yes, yes, I have tested that kindliness 
of yours, (pauses, then sprightfully) How old do 
you think I look ? 

{dispassiofiately) Ripe for Hades, an ancient, time- 
worn and decrepit. 

{somewhat crestfallen, then briskly) What awful 
eyesight ! I'm a boy, Lysimachus, a seven year 
old boy ! 

Are you daft, calling yourself a boy ? 
It's the truth. 

^ V. 276 : And play the part of that monkey herself 
now. 

33 

VOL. HI. D 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

'1JS. Modo hercle in mentem venit, quid tu diceres : 

senex quom extemplo est, iam nee sentit nee sapit, 
aiunt solere eum rusum repuerascere. 
)em. Immo bis tanto valeo quam valui prius. 
^ys. Bene hercle factum, et gaudeo. 
Ot'w?. Immo si scias, 

oculis quoque etiam plus iam video quam prius. 
Lys. Benest. 

Malae rei dico. 

Iam istuc non benest. 
Sed ausimne ego tibi eloqui fideliter ? 
Audacter. 

Animum advorte. 

Fiet sedulo. 
Hodie ire in ludum occepi litterarium, 
Lysimache. ternas scio iam. 

Quid ternas .'' 

Amo. 
Tun capite cano amas, senex nequissime } 
Si canum seu istuc rutilum sive atrumst, amo. 
Ludificas nunc tu me hie, opinor, Demipho. 
Decide collum stanti, si falsum loquor; 
vel, ut scias me amare, cape cultrum ac seca 
digitum vel aurem vel tu nasum vel labrum : 
si movero me seu secari sensero, 
Lysimache, auctor sum ut me amando enices. 
Si umquam vidistis pictum amatorem, em illic est. 
nam meo quidem animo vetulus decrepitus senex 

34 



MERCATOR 

{after a moment's consideration) By Jove ! It lias 

just come to me what you mean : once a man 

gets old and reaches the senseless, witless stage, 

they do say he's apt to have a second childhood. 

Why, but I'm twice as vigorous as I was before. 

(sceptically) Well, well, congratulations ! Glad to 

hear it ! 

Why, but if you only knew — I even use my eyes 

better than before, too. 

Good ! 

For something naughty, I inean. 

That's not so good, then. 

But am 1 safe in talking to you confidentially ? 

Quite safe. 

Your attention, then. 

My very best. 

{hesitates, then ever so archbj) I've begun to go to 

school to-day, Lysimachus. I know five letters 

already. 

Eh } Five letters ? 

I L-O-V-E. 

{surveying him unsympathetically) You in love, you, 

with that hoary head, you poor old good for 

nothing ? 

(/irmly) Hoary or ruddy or black, I am in love. 

Oh, really now, Demipho, you must be joking me ! 

(vehemently) Decapitate me where I stand, if I'm 

lying, or for that matter, just to show you I am 

in love, take a knife and cut off my finger or ear 

or nose or lip : if I budge, if I seem conscious of 

being cut, Lysimachus, I give you leave to (tittering) 

love me to death ! 

(to audience, contemptuously^ If you ever saw a 

picture of a lover, well, {pointing at Demipho) there 

one is ! For to my way of thinking, a decrepit old 

35 
D 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

tantidenist quasi sit signum pictuni in [)ariete. 
Nunc tu me, credo,K;astigare cogitas. 
Egon te ? 

Nihil est iam quod tu mihi suscenseas : 
fecere tale ante alii spectati viri. 
humanum amarest, humanum autem ignoscerest : 
ne sis me obiurga, hoc non voluntas me impulit. 
Quin non obiurgo. 

At ne deteriorem tamen 
hoc facto ducas. 

Egon te ? ah, ne di siverint. 
Vide sis modo etiam. 

Visumst. 

Certen ? 

Perdis me, 
hie homo ex amore insanit. numquid vis? 

Vale. 
Ad portum propero, nam ibi mihi negotium est. 
Bene ambulato. 

Bene vale. 

Bene sit tibi. 
quin mihi quoque etiamst ad portum negotium. 
nunc adeo ibo illuc, sed optume gnatum meum 
video eccum. opperiar hominem. hoc nunc mihi 

viso opust, 
huic persuadere quo modo potis siem, 
ut illam vendat neve det matri suae ; 
nam ei dono advexe audivi. sed praecauto opust, 
ne hie illam me animum adiecisse aliqua sentiat. 
36 



MERCATOR 

dotard is just about as much use as a picture 

painted on a wall. 

Now you're thinking to rebuke me^ I take it, 

(sarcastic) I rebuke you ? 

You have no reason to get angry at me for this: 

other distinguished men have done the same thing 

before now. To love is human ; to be indulgent 

is human, too. Please don't lecture me ; I was 

forced into this through no w^ill of mine. 

Oh, I'm not lecturing you. 

Well, but don't think any the less of me for it. 

(drill/) I think less of you } Dear, dear ! Tlje 

Lord forbid ! 

(clutching his arm) Tell me again — do please see 

you don't ! 

(wearily) It is seen to. 

You're sure ? 

(shaking him ojf) You'll be the death of me ! Why, 

the man's crazed with love ! (turning to go) 

Nothing else you want ? 

Good-bye ! 

I'm in a hurry to get to the harbour, I've got 

business there. 

Have a good walk ! 

Good-bye, good luck to you ! [exit. 

(calling after him) And to you, too ! (to himself, 

merrily) As a matter of fact, I've got business at 

the harbour, also. Yes indeed, and there I'll be 

going now. (looks down the street) But there's my 

son ! Splendid ! I'll wait for the lad. Now I must 

see to some way of persuading him to sell that 

girl, and not give her to his mother ; for I heard 

she was brought here as a gift for her. But I 

must be on my guard against his suspecting, 

somehow, that I've set my heart on her. (^withdraws) 

37 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 



Homo me miserior nullust aeque, opinor, 
neque advorsa cui plura sint sempiterna ; 
satin quidquid est, quam rem agere occepi, 
proprium nequit inihi evenire quod cupio? 
itd mihi mala res aliqiia obicitur, 
bonum quae meum comprimit consilium, 
miser amicam mihi paravi, animi causa, pretio ^ 
eripui, 
ratus clam patrem me meum posse habere : 
is rescivit et vidit, et perdidit me ; 
neque is cum roget quid loquar cogitatumst, 
ita animi decem in pectore incerti certant. 
nee quid corde nunc consili capere possim 
scio, tantus cum cura meost error animo, 
dum servi mei perplacet mihi consilium, 
dum rursum haud placet nee pater potis videtur 
induci ut putet matri ancillam emjjtam esse 
illam. 
nunc si dico ut res est atque illam mihi me 
emisse indico, quern ad modum existumet me ? 
atque illam abstrahat, trans mare hinc venum 

asportet ; 
scio saevos quam sit, domo doctus. igitur 
hocine est amare ? arare mavelim, quam sic amare. 
iam hinc olim invitum domo extrusit ab se, 
mercatum ire iussit : ibi hoc malum ego inveni. 
ubi voluptatem aegritudo vincat, quid ibi inest 
amoeni ? 
nequiquam abdidi, abscondidi, abstrusam habe- 

bam : 
muscast mens 2)ater, nil potest clam ilium 
haberi, 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : fort, adiedlvum laid Leo. 
38 



MERCATOR 

3. ENTER CHARINUS, MUCH DEPRESSED. 

(«o< seeing his J'at/ier) There's no more miserable 
man alive than I am, I do believe, or one with 
more things eternally going against him. Isn't 
it a fact that nothing that I've set about can 
turn out for me and stay as I long to have it ? 
Some confounded thing or other does always 
drop on me and botch my best laid plans ! Here 
I had got myself the mistress that suited me, poor 
devil, and carried her off for cash, thinking I 
could have her unbeknown to my father. And 
now he has discovered it, and seen her, and done 
for me ! And I haven't thought what to say 
when he questions me, what with the ten minds 
inside me all in confusion and conflict ! What 
course to take now I can't conceive, I'm so worried 
and perplexed. At times my servant's plan suits 
me thoroughly ; then again it doesn't suit me, 
and it seems impossible my father can be induced 
to think that sucli a girl was bought to be my 
mother's maid. 

But supposing now I tell him how it really is and 
announce that I bought her for myself, what would 
he think of me ? And as for her, why, he'd tear 
her away, transport her across the sea for sale ! 
I know how harsh lie is, and not from hearsay. 
So this is a lover's life ? (bitterly) I'd prefer a 
ploughman's life to such a lover's life as this ! 
He has already turned me out of his house once 
against my will, ordered me off on a trading trip. 
That's what got me into this mess ! For what 
pleasure is there in a thing that brings you more 
grief than gratification .'' It was all for nothing I 
kept her close, concealed, under cover : my father's 
a regular fly — you can't keep anything from him, 

39 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

nee sacrum nee tarn profanum quiequam est, quin 

ibi ilico adsit. 
nee, qui rebus nieis eonfidam mi ulla spes in corde 
certast. 
/. Quid illuc est quod solus secum fabulatur filius ? 

soUicitus mihi nescio qua re videtur. 
r. Attatae, 

meus pater hie quidem est quem video, ibo, adlo- 
quar. quid fit, pater ? 
/. Vnde incedis, quid festinas, gnate mi ? 
r. Recte, pater. 

I. Ita volo, sed istuc quid est, tibi quod commutatust 
color ? 
numquid tibi dolet ? 
r. Nescio quid meo animost aegre, pater. 

poste hac nocte non quievi satis mea ex sententia.^ 37' 
1. ergo edepol palles. si sapias, eas ac decumbas 

domi. 
;•. Otium non est : mandatis rebus praevorti volo, 
7. Cras agito, perendie agito. 

r. Saepe ex te audivi, pater : 

rei mandatae omnis sapientis primum praevorti 
decet. 
n. Age igitur ; nolo advorsari tuani advorsum sen- 

tentiam. 
/■. Salvos sum, siquidem isti dicto solida et perpetuast 

fides. 
n. Quid illuc est quod ille a me solus se in consilium 
sevocat 1: ^ 

^ Leo brackets following vv., 371-372 : 

I. Per mare ut vectus, nunc oculi terram viirantiir tui. 

I-. Magis opinor — 

I. Id est ■profedo ; verum adutum dbscesserit. 

^ Leo brackets following iam. 
40 



MERCATOR 

there's not a corner sacred or profane but what 
he's in it instantly. And not a single sure hope 
have I of being able to trust my luck. 
{aside) What's the boy babbling about, all to 
himself? He seems worried over something or 
other. 

(seeing him) Oh Lord ! There he is, there's my 
father ! (pauses) I'll up and speak to him. 
{advances, obviously embarrassed) How goes it, 
father } 

(pleasantly) Where do you hail from ? Why so 
flustered, my lad } 
It's ... all right, father. 

I hope so, but what does that change of colour 
mean ? You're not in pain .'' 

Somehow I . . . feel a bit . . . uncomfortable, 
father. And then . . . last night I didn't . . . 
rest as well as I could wish ! ^ 

Ah, yes, that explains your pallor. You would do 
well to go home and go to bed. 
I haven't time, sir : I have some commissions I 
want to attend to first. 
Oh, do it to-morrow, do it the day after ! 
(dutifully) But, father, I have often heard you say 
yourself that all sensible men should give a com- 
mission their very first attention. 
(gratified) Give it, then. I don't wish to run counter 
to your wishes 

(to himself, turning away) I'm saved, if only that 
statement can be relied on fully and for ever ! 
(aside) What does he mean by summoning himself 

^ vv. 371-372 : Dem. After your voyage the land seems 
strange to your eyes as yet. 

I think rather 

That must be it. But it will leave you shortly'. 

41 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

non vereor ne illam me amare hie potuerit resci- 

scere ; 
quippe haud etiam quicquam inepte feci, amantes 

ut Solent. 
Res adhuc quidem hercle in tutost, nam hunc 

nescire sat scio 
de ilia arnica ; quod si sciret, esset alia oratio. 
Quin ego hunc adgredior de ilia? 

Quin ego hinc me .imolior? 
eo ego, ut quae mandata amicus amicis tradam. 

Immo mane ; 
paucula etiam sciscitare prius volo. 

Die quid velis. 
Vsquene valuisti ? 

Perpetuo reete, dum quidem illic fui ; 
verum in portum hue ut sum advectus, nescio qui 

animus mihi dolet. 
Nausea edepol factum credo ; verum actutum ab- 

scesserit. 
sed quid ais ? ecquam tu advexti tuae matri ancil- 

1am e Rhodo? 
Advexi. 

Quid ? ea ut videtur mulier ? 

Non edepol mala. 
Vt moratast ? 

Nullam vidi melius mea sententia. 
Mihi quidem edepol visast, quom illam vidi. 

Eho an vidisti, pater ? 
Vidi. verum non ex usu nostrost, neque adeo 

])]aeet. 
Qui vero ? 

Quia^ non nostra formam habet dignam domo. 
nihil opust nobis ancilla nisi quae texat, quae 
molat, 

^ Corrupt (Leo); quia — quia Lindsay. 
42 



MERCATOR 

into secret session ? There's no fear of his having 
found out that I love the girl ; for I really haven't 
done anything silly yet, the way lovers generally do. 
(aside) Everything's all right so far, anyhow, by 
gad, for I know well enough he doesn't know 
she's my mistress ! If he did know, he would use 
different language. 

{aside) Why not approach him regarding the girl .^ 
{ai<ide) Why not get out of his way ? (aloud) I'll 
be oft", sir, so as to execute my friends' commissions 
as a friend should, (going) 

No, no, wait ! There are still some small matters 
I Avant to ask about first. 

(halting) Tell me what you want to know, sir. 
(awkwardly) Have you . . . been . . . well all 
along ? 

Quite so, sir, all the time — that is, while I was 
thei-e ; but on reaching port here I've somehow 
felt out of sorts. 

Oh, yes, from sea-sickness, no doubt ; however, it 
won't last long, (casually) But I say, did you bring 
some . . . maid for your mother from Rhodes } 
(choking) Yes, sir. 

So ? And what do you think of her ? 
Why, really, sir, she is . . . not bad. 
(severely) And her character? 
I never saw a girl of better, sir, in my opinion. 
So it seemed to me, too, by Jove, when I saw her. 
(affecting surprise) Oho ! You saw her, father ? 
I saw her. But she won't do for us, she really 
isn't suitable. 
Indeed ? Why not ? 

(somewhat at a loss) Because . . . well, because 
her looks are . . . out of keeping with our house- 
hold. We have no need of a maid except one to 

43 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

lignum caedat, pensum faciat^ aedis verrat, vapulet, 
quae habeat cottidianum familiae coctum cil)um : 
horunc ilia nihilum quicquam facere poterit. 

Admoduni. 
ea causa equidem illam emi, dono quam darem 

niatri xneae. 
Ne duaSj neve te advexisse dixeris. 

Di me adiuvant. 
Labefacto paulatim. varum quod praeterii dicere, 
neque ilia matrem satis honeste tuam sequi poterit 

comes, 
neque sinam. 

Qui vero? 

Quia ilia forma matrem familias 
flagitium sit si sequatur ; quando incedat per 

vias, 
contemplent, conspiciant omnes, nutent, nictent, 

sibilent, 
vellicent, vocent, molesti sint ; occentent ostium: 
impleantur elegeorum meae fores carbonibus, 
atque, ut nunc sunt maledicentes homines, uxori 

meae 
mihique obiectent lenocinium facere. nam quid 

cost OJ)US ? 
Hercle qui tu recte dicis, et tibi adsentior. 
sed quid ilia nunc fiet? 

Recte. ego emero matri tuae 
ancillam viraginem aliquam non malam, forma 

mala, 
ut matrem addecet familias, aut Syram aut Aegyp- 

tiam : 
ea molet, coquet, conficiet pensum, pinsetur 

flagro, 
neque propter earn quicquam eveniet nostris fori- 

bus flagiti. 

44 



MERCATOR 

weave, to grind meal, to cut wood, to do her stint 

of spinning, to sweep the house, to stand a beating, 

to do the family cooking day in and day out. 

Not a single one of these things can that gii"l do. 

Quite right, sir. But you see this was the reason 

I bought hei- — she's to be a personal px'esent for 

my mother. 

{/irmli/) Don't give her, and don't say you've 

brought her. 

(aside, delighted) The gods are with me ! 

(aside, delighted) I'm gradually making him waver! 

(aloud) But I omitted to say — she's hardly the 

proper sort of person to attend your mother, and 

I can't permit it. 

Indeed .'' Why not ? 

Because it would breed scandal for such a beauty 

to be the attendant of a wife and mother ; when 

she passed through the streets all the men would 

eye her, ogle her, nod and wink and whistle, pinch 

her, accost her, annoy her ; they would serenade 

the house and scrawl my doors black with their 

love ditties. And worse still — people are so 

slanderous nowadays — they would charge my wife 

and me with pandering. Now where's the occasion 

for this .'' 

(as though seeing a great light) By Jove, sir, you are 

quite right, and I agree with you ! But what shall 

be done with her now ? 

(easily) That's all right. I'll buy your mother 

some big lusty wench, a good one, though not 

good looking, such as befits the mother of a family 

— some Syrian or Egyptian. She shall grind meal, 

cook, do her share of spinning, take her thrashings 

— a maid like that will bring no disgrace to our 

doors. 

45 



/ 

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

7Artr. Quid si igitur reddatur illi unde empta est ? 
De/M. Minime gentium. 

^har. Dixit se redhibere, si non placeat. 
De/rt. Nihil istoc opust : 

litigari nolo ego usquam, tuam autem accusari 

fideni ; 
multo edepol si quid faciendumst facere damni 

mavolo, 
quam oppvobi*amentum aut flagitiuni niuliebre ex- 

ferri donio, 
me tibi illam posse opinor luculente vendere. 
?Aflr. Dum quidem hercle ne minoris vendas quam ego 

emi, pater. 
Dem. Tace modo : senex est quidam, qui illam mandavit 
mihi 
ut emerem aut ad istanc faciem. 
^har. At mihi quidam adulescens, pater, 

mandavit ad illam faciem^ ita ut illaec est, emerem 
sibi. 
D<??w. Viginti minis opinor posse me illam vendere. 
'2har. At ego si velim, iam dantur septem et viginti 

minae. 
De/rt. At ego — 
'2har. Quin ego, inquam — 

T)em. Ah, nescis quid dicturus sum, tace. 

tris minas accudere etiam possum, ut triginta 
sient. 
^har. Quo vortisti ? • 
Dem. X Ad ilium qui emit. 

Char. Vbinamst is homo gentium ? 

X)ein. Eccillum video, iubet quinque me addere etiam 
nunc minas. 
46 



MERCATOR 

{after due reflection) How about returning my 
wench to the man I bought her of, then ? 
[hastily) Not for the world ! 
He agreed to take her backj if slie didn't suit. 
[ivith impressive dignity) There is no need of that : 
I want no dispute, no, no, nor to have your honour 
impugned. Good Lord ! I much prefer to incur 
a loss, if I must, than to face opprobrium and the 
disgrace t» f Ll^MjJU iify " u\nmm'K3ss^i:J {after cogiia- ' '^*' 
tion) And I do believe I can sell her for you at a " . ,' 
splendid figure. 

{worried) Only . . . for heaven's sake, father . . . 
you mustn't . . . sell her for less than she cost 
me ! 

Hush, boy, hush ! {cojifidentiully) There's a certain 
old man who commissioned me to buy her — or a 
girl of her appearance. 

{eagerbj) But, father, a certain young man com- 
missioned me to buy him a girl of precisely her 
appearance. 

{momentotiJily) I believe I could sell her for eighty 
pounds I 

{triumphantly) But if I wanted to, why, I'm already 
offered a hundred and eight ! 

But I 

Why, I tell you, I 

{peevishly) See here ! You don't know what I'm 

going to say ! Do keep still ! I can {turning and 

looking down the street) mint up twelve pounds 

more and make it a hundred and twenty. 

VV' hom are you turning to ? 

To that buyer of mine. 

{looking vainly) Where on earth is he ? 

There he is I I see him ! He tells me to make 

it twenty pounds more this very moment ! 

47 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

-Aar. Hercle illunc divi infelicent^ quisquis est. 

^em. Ibidem milii 

etiam nunc adnutat addam sex minas. 
'Aar. Septem mihi. 

)ew. Numquam edepol me vincet hodie. 
^ha7: Commodis poscit, pater. 

)e7«. Nequiquam poscit : ego habeo. 
^har. At illic pollicitust prior. 

)ew/. Nihili facio. 

'ha?; Quinquaginta poscit. 

^e7n. Non centum datur. 

potine ut ne licitere advorsum mei animi sen- 
tentiam ? 

maximam hercle habebis praedam : ita ille est, 
quoi emitur, senex ; 

sanus non est ex amore illius. quod posces 
feres. 
'har. Certe edepol adulescens ille, cui ego emo, efflictim 
perit 

eius amore. 
)e7H. Multo hercle ille magis senex, si tu scias. 

'har. Numquam edepol fuit neque fiet ille senex insanior 

ex amore quam ille adulescens cui ego do hanc 
operam, pater. 
)e7n, Quiesce, inquam. istanc rem ego recte videro. 
'har. Quid ais ? 

^em. Quid est ? 

'har. Non ego illam mancupio accepi, 
)e?«. Sed ille illam accipiet. sine. 

'har. Non potes tu lege vendere illam. 
)em. Ego aliquid videro. 

'har. Post autem communest ilia mihi cum alio, qui 
scio 

quid sit ei animi, venirene earn velit an non 
velit? 

48 



MERCATOR 

[aside) Oh, damn ! Heaven's curse on him, who- 
ever he is ! 

There ! There ! He nods again, I am to add 
twenty-four pounds more ! 

(loofdng animatedly in the opposite direction) And my 
man says twenty-eight ! 
By Jove, he'll never beat me, never ! 
It's good honest coin he offers, father ! 
It's no use his offering ! She's mine ! 
But his offer came first I 
I don't care ! 

He's offering two hundred pounds ! 
He won't get her for four hundred ! Can't you 
stop bidding against my earnest wishes ? Good 
heavens ! You'll make a tremendous haul ! Why, 
the old man I'm buying her for is fairly crazed 
with love of her I You'll get your own price. 

But that young man I'm buying her for upon 

my soul, he's simply distracted, dying for love of 

her ! 

Lord, Lord, but that old man is much more so, if 

you only knew ! 

But, father, I swear that old man never, never was 

or will be more crazed from love than that young 

man I'm doing this for ! 

Be quiet, I tell you ! I'll manage matters properly. 

{after hard thinking) See here, father ! 

What is it ? 

I didn't take her with legal rights. 

But he'll take her. Never you mind. 

You can't sell her lawfully. 

{imtronbled) I'll find some way. 

(desperate) Then, too, I own her in common with 

another man ! How do I know how he feels, 

whether he wants her to be sold or not ? 

49 

III. E 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Dem. Ego scio velle. 

Char. At pol ego esse credo aliquem qui non vclit. 

Dem. Quid id mea refert ? 

Char. Quia illi suam i-em esse aequomst in manu. 

Dem. Quid ais ? 

Char. Communis milii ilia est cum illo : is hie nunc 

non adest. 
Dem. Prius respondes quam rogo. 
Char. Prius tu emis quam vendo^ pater. 

nescio, inquam, velit ille illam necne abalienarier. 
Dem. Quid? illi quoidam qui mandavit tibi si emetur, 
tum volet^ 

si ego emo illi qui mandavit^ tum ille nolet ? nihil 
agis. 

numquam edepol quisquam illam habebit potius 
quam ille quem ego volo. 
Char. Certumnest ? 
Dem. Censen certum esse ? quin ad navem iam hinc eo, 

ibi venibit. 
Char. Vin me tecum illo ire ? 

T>em. Nolo. 

Char. Non places. 

Dem. Meliust te, quae sunt mandatae res tibi, praevortier. 
Char. Tu prohibes. 
Dem. At me incusato : te fecisse sedulo. 

ad portuin ne bitas, dico iam tibi. 
"Char. Auscultabitur. 

Dem. Ibo ad portum. ne hie resciscat, cauto opust : non 
ipse emam, 

50 



MERCATOR 

Oil, I know he does. 

{Jloundcr'mg) But I swear I . . . believe there's 

some one who doesn't! 

What does that matter to me ? 

Because he ought to have control of his own 

})roperty. 

What do you say 

(interntpling) I own her in common with him ; and 

he isn't here now. 

You answer before I ask ! 

And you buy before 1 sell, father! I don't know, 

I tell you, whether or not he's willing to have her 

disposed of. 

What .'' Will he be Avilling, if she's bought for 

that "certain man" who commissioned you to get 

her, but unwilling, if I buy her for this man who 

commissioned me ? Rubbish ! By the Lord, 

never a soul shall have her in preference to the 

man I want her for ! 

{slrugglbig with his emotions) Is that final, sir .'' 

Don't you take it for final ? Why, I'm going to 

the ship this instant, and there she'll be sold. 

Do you want me to go with you ? 

I do not. 

I don't like this, fatlier ! 

You had better give those commissions of yours 

your first attention. 

But you don't let me ! 

Well, lay the blame on me : say you did your best. 

You're not to go to the harbour, now mark my 

words. 

You shall be obeyed, sir. 

(aside) I'll be oft" to the harbour, myself. I must 

take care he doesn't find out : I won't do the 

buying in person, but leave it to my friend Lysi- 

51 

E 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

sed Lysimacho aniico mandabo. is se ad portum 

dixerat 
ire diidum. me moror quom hie asto. 

[. 4. 

'har. Nullus sum, occidi. 

Pentheum diripuisse aiunt Bacchas : nugas maximas 

fuisse credoj praeut quo pacto ego divorsus dis- 
tralior. 

cur ego vivo ? cur iion morior ? quid mihist in vita 
boni ? 

certumst, ibo ad medicum atque ibi me toxico 
morti dabo, 

quando id mi adimitur, qua causa vitam cupio 
vivere. 
]ut. Mane, mane obsecro, Charine. 
'har. Quis me revocat ? 

]ut. Eutyclius, 

tuos amicus et sodalis, simid vicinus proxumus. 
'har. Non tu scis, quantum malarum rerum sustineam. 
]ut. Scio ; 

omnia ego istaec auscultavi ab ostio, omnem rem 
scio. 
'har. Quid id est quod scis? 
]ut. Tuos pater volt vendere — 

'har. Omnem rem tenes. 

Alt, Tuam amicam, 
'har. Nimium multum scis. 

]ut. Tuis ingratiis, 

'har. Plurimum tu scis. sed qui scis esse amicam illam 

meam } 
Alt. Tute heri ipsus mihi narrasti. 
'har. Satin ut oblitus fui, 

tibi me narravisse ? 
'aU. Hau mirumst factum. 

52 



MERCATOR 

machus. He said he was going to the harbour a 
while ago. But I'm wasting time standing here. 

[exit. 
4. 
{wildly) Oh, this is death, death 1 They say the 
Bacchantes tore Pentheus to pieces ! Ah, I do 
believe that was the merest nothing compared 
with the way I'm rent and riven ! VVhat have I 
to live for ? Why not die ? What joy is left in 
life for me ? (pauses, then siiper-iragicalhj) I will, I 
will ! I'll to a doctor's and end it all with poison, 
now that I'm bereft of that which makes me long 
to live ! (strides off) 

ENTER EuflJcIlUS FROM Lljsinuichus' S HOUSE. 

Wait, Charinus, for heaven's sake, wait ! 
(liilhout looking) Who calls me back ? 
Eutychus, your fiiend, your chum, yes, and your 
next-door neighbour ! 

(turning, still tragic) Ah, you know not what a flood 
of evils is upon me I 

Yes I do ; I overheard everything from the door- 
way, I know about it all. 
Wliat is it that you know ? 

Your father wants to sell 

You know it all ! 

jour mistress 

(startled) You know too much ! 

against your will. 

You know everything I But how know you that 

she is my mistress ? 

You told me about her yesterday, yourself. 

(vacantly) Can it be I have forgotten that I told 

you? 

That's nothing remarkable. 

53 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

lar. Te nunc consulo. 

responde : quo leto censes me ut peream potis- 
simum ? 
d. Non taces ? cave tu istuc dixis. 
lar. Quid vis me igitur dicere ? 

//. Vin patri sublinere pulchre me os tuo ? 
lar. Sane volo. 

it. Visne earn ad portum — 
lar. Qui potius quam voles ? 

it. Atque eximam 

mulierem pretio ? 
lar. Qui potius quam auro expendas? 

<it. Vnde erit ? 

lar. Achillem orabo^ aurum ut mihi det^ Hector qui 

expensus fuit. 
\it. Sanun es ? 

har. Pol sanus si sim, non te medicum mi expetam. 

\it. Tanti quanti poscit^ vin tanti illam emi ? 
har. Auctarium 4 

adicito vel mille nummum plus quam poscet. 
lit. lam tace. 

sed quid ais ? unde erit argentum quod des^ quom 
poscet pater ? 
har. Invenietur, exquiretur, aliquid fiet ; enicas. 
ut. lam istuc "aliquid fiet" metuo. 



har. 


Quin taces ? 


ut. 


Muto imperas. 


har. 


Satin istuc mandatumst ? 


ut. 


Potin ut aliud cures ? 


har. 
lit. 


Non potest, 
Bene vale. 




54 



MERCATOR 

(wore tragic) I wish tliy counsel now. Answer — 
by what death dost think I Imd best breathe my 
last ? 

Oh, shut up, won't you ? Don't say a thing like 

that ! 

What wouldst thou that I say, then ? 

D'ye want me to bamboozle your father in fine 

shape ? 

{coming back to earth) Indeed I do ! 

D'ye want me to go to the harbour 

Go ? Fly ! 

and get the girl away by paying down her 

price ? 

Her price ? Get her for her weight in gold I 

Yes, but where's the gold ? 

I'll beg Achilles for the gold weighed out against 

the ransomed Hector ! 

(scrutinising him) Do you feel normal ? 

Ah, me ! If I did feel normal, I should not come 

to you for physic. 

D'ye want me to buy her, no matter what he bids .'' 

Oh, raise his bid, raise his best bid a hundred 

pounds ! 

Hush, man, hush ! But see here — where will you 

get the money for payment when your father 

demands it } 

{hystericaUij) Somewhere — anywhere, something 

shall be done ! Oh, you're killing me ! 

Look here, I'm afraid of that " something," 

Oh, can't you keep still .^ 

{patiently) Your mute to command, sir. 

Is your commission clear ? 

(con /i den til/') Think of something else, can't you .'' 

Impossible ! 

{turning to go) Good-bye, good-bye I 

55 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

'2har. Non edepol possum prius quam tu ad me redieris. 

Eat. Melius sanus sis, 

Char. Vale, vince et me serva. 

Kut. Ego fecero. 

domi maneto me. 
Char. Ergo actutum face cum praeda recipias. 

ACTVS III 

Ltjs. Amice amico operam dedi : vicinus quod rogavit, 
hoc emi mercimonium. mea es tu, sequere sane, 
ne plora : nimis stulte facis, oculos corrumpis tales, 
quin tibi quidem quod rideas magis est, quam ut 

lamentere, 
Amabo ecastor, mi senex, eloquere — • 

Exquire quidvis. 
Cur emeris me. 

Tene ego ? ut quod imperetur facias, 
item quod tu mihi si imperes, ego faciam. 

Facere certumst 
pro copia et sapientia quae te velle arbitrabor. 
Laboriosi nil tibi quicquam operis imperabo. 
Namque edepol equidem, mi senex, non didici 

baiolare 
nee pecua ruri pascere nee pueros nutricare. 
56 



MERCATOR 

Oh, Lord, I can't feel good till you get back to 



me 



Better be reasonable. 

Good-bye I Win the day, and save me ! 

Yes, yes, I will. Wait for me at home. 

Well then, be sure you come back directly with 

the booty I [exeunt. 

ACT III 

(^An hour has elapsed.^ 
ENTER Lysimachus, followed by Pasicompsa 

IN TEARS. 

(pleased with himself^ Well. I've done a friend a 
friendly turn — bought this piece of goods {indicat- 
ing Pasicompsa) as my neighbour suggested, [to 
Pasicompsa) You're mine, my girl, so come along. 
(ogling her appreciativebj) Don't weep : it's very 
silly of you to spoil such pretty eyes. Really 
now, you have more reason to laugh than to cry. 
Oh, you dear old gentleman, do be nice and tell 

me 

Ask anything you like. 

why you bought me. 

Why I bought you .'' Why, so as to have you 

{amo7-ousli)) do what you're bid, just as I would do 

your bidding. 

(taking his hand, coyly) I'll certainly do what I 

think you like, to the very best of my ability 

and understanding, sir. 

(smirking) I won't order you to do anything very 

hard. 

Goodness, no, you dear old thing ! For really, I 

never learned to carry anything heavy, or feed 

the flocks on a farm, or nurse children. 

57 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Bona si esse vis, bene erit tibi. 

Turn pol ego perii misera. 5 
Qui? 

Quia illim unde hue advecta sum, malls bene 
esse solitumst. 
Quasi dicas nullam mulierem bonam esse. 

Haud equidem dico, 
nee mos meust ut praedicem quod ego omnis scire 

credam. 
Oratio edepol pluris est huius quam quanti haec 

emptast. 
rogare hoc unum te volo. 

Roganti respondebo. 
Quid ais tu ? quid nomen tibi dicam esse ? 

Pasicompsae. 
Ex forma nomen inditumst. sed quid ais, Pasi- 

compsa ? 
possin tu, si usus venerit, subteuien tenue nere ? 
Possum. 

Si tenue scis, scio te uberius posse nere. 
De lanificio neminem metuo, una aetate quae sit. 52 
Bonam herc'.e te et frugi arbitror, matura iam^ 

inde aetate 
quom scis facei*e officium tuom, mulier. 

Pol docta didici. 
operam accusari non sinam meam. 

Em istaec hercle res est. 
ovem tibi eccillam dabo, natam annos sexaginta, 
peculiarem. 

Mi senex, tani vetulam .'' 

Genei'is graecist ; 
earn si curabis, perbonast, tondetur nimium scite. 

1 Corrupt (Leo) : matura tamen aetate Leo. 

^ Pasicompsa ~ altogether charviing. 

58 



MERCATOR 

If you'll be a good girl, you'll have a good time, 

(/« feigned dismai/) Oh dear I Then there's no 

hope for poor me at all ! 

How's that? 

{(n-cJilij) Because where I was brouglit from it's 

usually the naughty girls who have a good time. 

That amounts to saying there's no such thing as a 

good girl. 

Oh, no indeed, I don't say that ; it's not my May 

to announce a fact I think everyone's familiar with, 

{aside, delightedly) By gad, it's worth more than 

she cost just to hear her prattle ! (aloud) I want 

to ask you this one thing. 

If you ask, I'll answer. 

Tell me — but what name shall I call you ? 

Pasicompsa, sir. 

{(ipprovinghi) Ah, a name given you for being so 

lovely ! ^ But tell me, {lingeringly) Pasicompsa, 

if need arose, could you weave a fine woof.'' 

I can, sir. 

If you know how to weave a fine one, I know you 

can weave a coarser one. 

At weaving, I'm not afraid of anyone of my own age. 

By Jove, you are a good girl, I do believe, and a 

useful girl, and plenty old enough, seeing you 

know how to do your duty, my lass. 

Oh yes, sir, I've learned my lessons well. I w-on't 

let anyone complain of my work. 

Ah-h ! That's the way, by Jove ! Now look here, 

I'll give you a {pointing to Demipko's house) sheep, ^^ 

a sheep sixty years old, for your very own. 

As ancient as that, you dear old thing ? 

Genuine Greek stock I If you take care of it, 

it will prove a very fine one, and you can shear 

it to perfection. 

59 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Honoris causa quidquid est quod dabitur gratum 

habebo. 
Nunc, mub'er, ne tu frustra sis, mea non es, ne 

arbitrere. 
Die igitur quaeso, quoia sum ? 

Tuo ero redempta es rursum ; 
ego te redemi, ille mecum oravit. 

Animus rediit, 5 

si mecum servatui* fides. 

Bono animo es, liberabit 
ille te homo : ita edepol deperit, atque hodie 

primum vidit. 
Ecastor iam bienniumst, quom mecum rem coepit. 
nunc, quando amicum te scio esse illius, indicabo. 
Quid ais tu ? iam bienniumst, quom tecum rem 
habet ? 

Certo; 
et inter nos coniuravimus, ego cum illo et ille 

mecum : 
ego cum viro et ille cum muliere, nisi cum illo aut 

ille mecum, 
neuter stupri causa caput limaret. 

Di immortales^ 
etiam cum uxore non cubet ? 

Amabo, an maritust ? 
neque est neque erit. 

Nolim quidem. homo hercle periuravit. 
Nullum adulescentem plus amo. 

Puer est ille quidem, stulta. 5 
nam illi quidem hau sane diust quom dentes 

exciderunt. 
Quid dentes ? 

Nihil est. sequere sis. hunc me diem unum 
oravit 
ut apud me praehiberem locum, ideo quia uxor 
rurist. 

60 



MERCATOR 

I'll show my appreciation and be grateful for 

anything that's given me, sir. 

Now then, my gii-1, not to deceive you — you're 

not mine, don't think you are. 

Mercy me ! Whose am I, then ? 

You've been bought again for your own master. 

I did the buying, at his request. 

(thinking he means Charinus) Oh, I'm alive once 

more, if he keeps his word with me ! 

Cheer up ! He'll set you free, he will ! Why, 

good Lord, he's dying for you, and to-day's the 

first time he ever saw you ! 

Oh, sir, it's two years now since he began relations 

with me. I'll let you into our secret, now that I 

know you're a friend of his. 

{(tslonished) What's that.'' Two years now he's 

had relations with you ? 

Why, yes. And we promised each other solemnly, 

I him and he me, never to have a thing to do with 

any man or woman except our own two selves. 

Ye immortal gods ! Won't he sleep with his own 

wife, even .'' 

{with a start) Oh, my dear man, he isn't married .'' 

{(lejiantly) He's not, and he won't be, either ! 

Well, I wish he weren't ! Lord, Lord, how he 

did lie ! 

There's no young man alive that I love more. 

{quizzically) He's a boy, a boy, silly ! Really, you 

know, it's not long ago that his teeth dropped 

out. 

(vii/stijied) What's that about his teeth .'' 

Oh, nothing, {going totvards his house) This way, 

please. He begged me to put you up for this 

one day, my wife being in the country. 

[exeunt. 

6i 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 



m. Tandem impetravi ut egomet me corrumperem : 
emptast arnica clam uxorem et clam filium. 
certumst^ antiqua recolam et servibo milii. 
decurso spatio breve quod vitae relicuomst 
voluptate^ vino et amore delectavero. 
nam hanc se bene habere aetatem niniiost aequius. 
adulescens quom sis, tiim quom est sanguis integer, 
rei tuae quaerundae convenit operam dare ; 
demum igitur quom sis iam genex, turn in otium 
te conloces, dum potes ames : id iam lucrumst 
quod vivis. 

hoc ut dico, fixctis persequar. 
interea tamen hue intro ad me invisam domum : 
uxor m^e exspectat iam dudum esuriens domi. 
iam iurgio enicabit, si intro rediero. 
verum hercle postremo, utut est, non ibo tamen, 
sed hunc vicinum prius conveniam quam domum 
redeam ; ut mihi aedis aliquas conducat volo, 
ubi habitat istaec mulier. atque eccum it foras. 

:. 3. 

s. Adducam ego ilium iam ad te, si convenero. 

7«. Me dicit. 

s. Quid ais, Demipho ? 

'm. Est mulier domi ? 

s. Quid censes ? 

•?«. Quid si visam ? 

62 



MERCATOR 

le 2. ENTER Demipho ix high spirits. 

At last I've claimed the privilege of going to the 
dogs I Here's a mistress bought, unbeknown to 
wife, unbeknown to son ! I'll take up my old 
ways again, I certainly will, and be good to 
myself. Only a short space of life is left me, I'll 
sweeten it with pleasure and wine and love. Why, 
my age is just the proper season to have my fling. 
When you're young and your blood's fresh, that's 
the time to settle down to making your fortune ; 
and then at last when you're old, why, that's the 
time to take your ease and enjoy your love affairs, 
while you can. For then each day of life is clear 
profit. 

Now I propose to practise what I preach. Mean- 
while, however, I'll just look in at home here : my 
wife has been hungrily awaiting me there this 
long while, (rejlccling) Her tongue will do me 
to death in no time, once I'm back inside. 
{belligerently) But just the same, I tell you what, 

by Jove, for all that I'm {iveakhj) not going 

in. No, I'll see my neighbour here before I go 
back home ; I want him to hire some house for 
me, for that girl to live in. {a noise at Lysimachus s 
door) Aha ! There he is, coming out ! 

e 3. ENTER Lysimachus. 

(Jo Pasicompsa wit/ii?i) I'll bring him to you directly, 
if I come across him. 
{aside) He means me. 

{seeing him) I say, Demipho 

{tempestuously) Is the girl inside there ? 

{thoughtful) Well, what do you think .'' 

{blithely) What if I have a look .'' {lyinkes toward the 

door) 

63 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quid properas? mane. 
Quid faciam ? 

Quod opust facto facito ut cogites. 
Quid cogitem ? equidem liercle opus hoc facto 

existimo, 
ut illo intro earn. 

Itane vero, vervex ? intro eas ? 
Quid aliud faciam ? 

Prius hoc ausculta, atque ades : 
prius etiamst, quod te facere ego aequom censeo. 
nam nunc si illuc intro ieris^ amplecti voles, 57 

confabulari atque osculari. 

Tu quidem 
meum animum gestas : scis quid acturus siem. 
Pervorse facies. 

Quodne ames — 

Tanto minus, 
ieiunitatis plenus, anima foetida, 
senex hircosus tu osculere mulierem ? 
iitine adveniens vomitum excutias mulieri ? 
scio pel te amare, quom istaec praemonstras milii. 
Quid si igitur unum faciam hoc ? si censes, coquom 
aliquem arripiamus, prandiura qui percoquat 
apud te hie usque ad vesperum. 

Em istuc censeo. 55 
nunc tu sapienter loquere atque amatorie. 
Quid stamus ? quin ergo imus atqiie obsonium 
curamus, pulchre ut simus ? 

Equidem te sequor. 
atque hercle invenies tu locum illi, si sapis : 

64 



MERCATOR 

What's your hurry ? Wait. 

(/lalts) What shall I do ? 

You would do well to consider what you ought 

to do. 

What is there to consider ? Lord^ man ! I certainly 

take it that what I ought to do is to (a// a-quwei") 

go inside there ! (inakes for door again) 

(^scornfully) Do you, really? You old wether I 

Go inside, eh ? 

(halting again, puzzled) What else should I do? 

Look here now and listen to me, first : there's 

still something I think you should do first. W'hy, 

if you go inside there now, you'll want to hug 

and palaver and kiss. 

(ecstatically) Well, if you haven't got my mind in 

your body ! You know just what I intend to do ! 

You'll be doing the wrong thing. 

{i>idignant) When you love a girl, can't you 

AH the worse. Is a foul-breathed old goat like 
you to kiss a girl (emphatically) on an empty 
stomach ? D'ye want to turn lier stomach the 
moment you come near her ? Gad ! I see what a 
lover you are when you announce such intentions ! 
(crestfallen, then hopefully) Well, what if I attend 
to this then ? If you think best, let's capture 
some cook to cook us up a meal here at your 
house against the evening. 

(his hopes realized) There I I do think that best. 
Now you're talking in a wise and loverly way. 
(impatient) Well, why stand here? Let's go, then, 
and see to our marketing, and make a beautiful 
day of it. (going) 

Yes, yes, I'm with you ! (trying to catch up, and 
pulling at Demipho's cloak) And I say, you'll find 
quarters for her, if you're wise. I say, she can't 

65 

VOL. III. F 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

nullum hercle praeter hunc diem ilia apud med erit. 
metuo ego uxorem, eras si rure redierit 
ne illam hie ofFendat. 
em. Res parata est^ sequere me. 

I. 4. 

har. Sumne ego homo miser, qui nusquam bene queo 

quiescere ? 
si domi sum, foris est animus, sin foris sum, animus 

domist. 
ita mi in pectore atque in corde facit amor in- 

cendium : I 

ni ex oculis lacrumae defendant, iam ardeat credo 

caput, 
spem teneo, salutem amisi ; redeat an non, nescio : 
si opprimit pater quod dixit, exsulatum abiit 

salus ; 
sin sodalis quod promisit fecit, non abiit salus. 
sed tamen dem si podagrosis pedibus esset 

Eutychus, 
iam a portu i*ediisse potuit. id illi vitium maxu- 

mumst, 
quod nimis tardus est advorsum mei animi senten- 

tiam. 
sed in est, quem currentem video? ipsus est. ibo 

obviam. 
nunc, quod restat, ei disperii : voltus neutiquam 

huius placet ; 
tristis incedit (pectus ardet, haereo), quassat caput. 6 
Eutyche. 
d. Eu, Charine. 

lar. Prius quam recipias anhelitum, 

uno verbo eloquere : ubi ego sum } hicine an apud 

mortuos ? 
'it. Neque apud mortuos neque hie es. 

66 



MERCATOR 

stay at my house a bit longer than to-day. I'm 
afraid of my wife's popping in on her, if she comes 
back from the country to-morrow. 
That's all arranged ! Come along ! [exeunt. 

4. ENTER Charimis, much wrought up. 

Oh, I'm miserable ! I can't be comfortable any- 
where ! If I'm at home, my thoughts are out ; 
and if I'm out, my thoughts are at home ! Such 
flames of love as my heart and breast are in ! If 
it weren't for the protection of my tears, I do 
believe my head would be ablaze by now. 
[sublimely) My hope is all I cling to; my life I've 
allowed to go — whether to return or no, I know 
not ! If my father crushes me by doing what he 
said, my life has left for exile ; but if my chum 
has fulfilled his promise, my life is left for me. 
{pauses, then petulatitly) But even if Eutychus had 
the gout, he could have got back from the 
harbour by this time. That's a terrible failing of 
his — being so awfully slow, in comparison with 
my heart's desire, {looking down the street) But is 
that he, that man I see running ? It is, it is ! 
I'll go meet him ! Oh, he's stopping ! Now I'm 
lost, lost ! I don't like that look of his at all ! 
That slow step ! That gloomy air ! Oh, my 
heart's on fire ! I'm caught ! He's shaking his 
head I {calling) Oh, Eutychus ! 

enter Eutychus. 

{dejectedly) Oh, you Charinus ! 

(beside himself) Before you get your breath — just 

one word, out Avith it ! Where am I ? Here, or 

with the dead ? 

Neither with the dead, nor here. 

67 
f2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ar. Salvos sum, immortalitas 

mihi data est : hie emit illam, pulchre os sublevit 
patri. 

impetrabilior qui vivat null us est. dice, obsecro : 

si iieque hie neque Acherunti sum, ubi sum ? 
t. Nusquam gentium. 

ar. Disperii, illaec interemit me modo oratio. 
t. Odiosast oratio, cum rem agas longinquom loqui. 
ar. Quidquid est, ad capita rerum perveni. 
I. Primum omnium : 

periimus. 
ar. Quin tu illud potius nuntias quod nescio? 6 

t. Mulier alienata est abs te. 

ar. Eutyche, capital facis. 

/. Qui ? 

ar. Quia aequalem et sodalem, liberum civem, enicas. 
/. Ne di sierint. 

ar. Demisisti gladium in iugulum : iam cadam. 

/. Quaeso hercle, animuni ne desponde. 
ar. Nullust quem despondeam. 

loquere porro aliam malam rem. cui est empta ? 
'/. Nescio. 

iam addicta atque abducta erat, quom ad portum 
venio. 
ar. Vae mihi, 

mentis tu quidem mali in me ardentis iam dudum 
iacis. 

68 



MERCATOR 

{wild with joy) 0\\, I'm saved ! Immortality is 

mine ! He's bought her^ bamboozled my father 

beautifully ! There's not a more efficient man 

alive ! {noting Etdtjchus's iristfid expression) But 

tell me, for heaven's sake — if I'm neither here, 

nor in the world to come, where am I ? 

Nowhere at all. 

Oh, damnation ! Those words have killed me ! 

Too much talk in time of action does make words 

wearisome. 

Whatever it is, come to the main points ! 

First of all— we're done for. 

{bitterly) Why don't you tell me some news I 

don't know, instead ? 

The girl has been taken away from you. 

{tragic) Eutychus, you are committing a capital 

crime ! 

Eh .- How so ! 

I am your comrade and your chum, a free boi'n 

citizen, and now you murder me ! 

Heaven forbid ! 

You have thrust a sword into my throat ! Ere 

long I'll fall! 

Now, now, for heaven's sake, don't lose courage ! 

I have none to lose ! Tell me more, more of my 

miserv ! For whom was she bouffht ? 

I don't know. She had already been auctioned 

off and taken away when I reached the harbour. 

Oh my (jod ! Man, man, all this time you've 

been hurling whole mountains of red-hot misery 

69 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

perge, excrucia^ carnufex, quandoquidem occepisti 

semel.^ 
Quid ego feci ? 

Perdidisti me et fidem mecum tuani. 
Di sciunt culpam meam istanc non esse ullam. 

Eugepae, 
deos absentis testis memoras : qui ego istuc 

credam tibi ? 
Quia tibi in maiiu est quod credas, ego quod 

dicam, id mi in manust. 
De istac re argutus es, ut par pari respondeas^ 
ad mandata claudus caecus mutus mancus debilis. 
promittebas te os sublinere meo patri : egomet 

credidi 
homini docto rem mandare^ is lapidi mando maximo. 
Quid ego facerem ? 

Quid tu faceres? men rogas? requireres, 
rogitares quis esset aut unde esset, qua prosapia, 
civisne esset an peregrinus, 

Civem esse nibant Atticum. 
Vbi habitaret invenires saltern, si nomen nequis. 

^ Leo brackets following vv., 619-824 : 

Non tibi istuc magis dividiaest, qitam mihi hodiefait. 
Die, quis emit ? 

Nescio herclc. 

Em iitucinest opsram dare, 
bonnm sodahm ? 

Quid mefacere vis? 

Idem quod me vides, 
ut pereas. quin jjercontatu s, hominis quae fades for ct. 
qui illam emisset : eo si pacta posset iiidafjaricr 
mulier ? hen me misencm. 

Flcre omitte, istuc quod nunc agis. 

70 



MERCATOR 

upon nie I Go on, go on, rack me, torture me, 
now that you've once begun ! ^ 
I ? What have I done ? 

You've destroyed me, and, with me, all my con- 
fidence in you ! 

God knows it's no fault of mine I 
(savagely) Bravo ! Calling God to witness, when 
He's not here I How can I believe your words ? 
Because your beliefs are in your own control, as 
my words are in mine. 

You're ready enough in repartee, but in carrying 
out commissions you're a lame, blind, mute, 
maimed remnant of a man ! You promised to 
bamboozle my father — and I, I believed I had 
left the matter to an intelligent human being, 
only to find I left it to a great big block of 
stone I 

( patiently) What could I do ? 

What could you do? You ask me that? You could 
have investigated, inquired who he was or where 
he came from, who his family were, whether he 
was a citizen or an alien ! 
They said he was an Athenian citizen. 
You might at least have found out where he lived, 
if not his name. 

1 vv. 619-624 : 

I've been just as much harassed as you are by it, I 

certainly have. 

Tell me, who bought her ? 

Upon my soul, I don't know. 

Look at that ! Is that the way to help a good friend ? 

What do you want me to do ? 

The same thing jou see mo doing— die ! Why didn't you 

ask what the man who bought her looked like, and see if 

she could be traced that way ? Oh dear, oh dear ! 

Do stop crying — the one thing you do do at present ! 

71 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Nemo aiebat scire. 

At saltern hominis faciem exquireres. 
Feci. 

Qua forma esse aiebant igitur ? 

Ego dicam tibi : 
canum, varum, ventriosum, bucculentum, brevi- 

culum, 
subnigris oculis, oblongis malis, pansam aliquan- 

tulum. 
Non hominem mihi, sed thensaurum nescio quem 

memoras mali. 
numquid est quod dicas aliud de illo .'' 

Tantum, quod sciam. 
Edepol ne ille oblongis malis mihi dedit magnum 

malum, 
non possum durare, certumst exulatum bine ire me. 
sed quam capiam civitatem, cogito, potissimum : 
Megares, Eretriam, Corintbum, Chalcidem, Cretam, 

Cyprum, 
Sicyonem, Cnidum, Zacyntbum, Lesbiam, Boeo- 

tiam. 
Cur istuc coeptas consilium ? 

Quia enim me adflictat amor. 
Quid tu ais? quid cum illuc, quo nunc ire paritas, 

veneris, 
si ibi amare forte occipias atque item eius sit 

inopia, 
iam inde porro aufugies, deinde item illinc, si item 

evenerit ? 
quis modus tibi exilio tandem eveniet, qui finis 

fugae ? 
quae pati'ia aut domus tibi stabilis esse poterit? 

die mibi. 
cedo, si hac urbe abis, amorem te hie relicturum 

putas ? 

72 



MERCATOR 

No one seemed to know. 

But at least you might have inquired about his 
appearance ! 
I did. 

Well, then, what did they say he looked 
like ? 

I'll tell you — a gray-haired, knock-kneed, pot- 
bellied, big-mouthed, stubby fellow, with blackish 
eyes, lantern jaws, and feet a bit splayed. 
That's no description of a man, it's some collection 
of freaks ! Can't you tell me anything else about 
him ? 

That's all, so far as I know. 

Lord, Lord I He has done anything but light my 
life with his lantern jaws ! (in another tragic Jiight) 
Oh, I can't endure it ! My mind's made up, I'll 
hence into exile ! (pauses) But let me consider 
what country I had best choose — Megara . . . 
Ei'etria . . . Corinth . . . Chalcis . . . Crete . . . 
Cyprus . . . Sicyon . , . Cnidus . . . Zacynthus 
. . . Lesbos . . . Boeotia ! 

What makes you think of taking such a step as 
that ? 

Ah, because I suffer so from love ! 
But see here ! When you reach the place you're 
about to go to, suppose love happens to overtake 
you there, and you still can't gratify it, will you 
then proceed to fly that place, too, and the next 
place as well, if the same thing happens again .'' 
Really now, what end will there be to your exile, 
what finish to your flight ? What land or home 
can you ever call your own? Answer me that. 
Look now, if you leave this city, do you think 
you'll leave your love behind you here } If you're 



73 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

si id fore ita sat animo acceptum est, certum id, 

pro eerto si babes, 
quanto te satiust rus aliquo abire, ibi esse, ibi vivere 
adeo dum illius te cupiditas atque amor missura 

facit ? 
lam dixisti ? 
Dixi. 

Frustra dixti. hoc mihi certissumumst. 
eo domum, patrem atque matrem ut meos sahitem, 

postea 
clam patrem patria hac efFugiam, aut aliquid capiam 

consili. 
Vt corripuit se repente atque abiit, heu misero 

mihi, 
si ille abierit, mea factum omnes dicent esse 

ignavia. 
certumst praeconum iubere iam quantum est con- 

ducier, 
qui illam investigent, qui inveniant. post ad 

praetorem ilico 
ibo, orabo, ut conquaestores det mi in vicis omnibus ; 
nam mihi nil relicti quicquam aliud iam esse 

intellego. 

ACTVS IV 

Quoniam a viro ad me rus advenit nimtius, 
rus non iturum, feci ego ingenium meum, 
reveni, ut ilium persequar qui jne fugit. 
sed anum non video consequi nostram Syram, 
atque eccam incedit tandem, quin is ocius ? 

74 



MERCATOR 

absolutely assured of this, sure, sure as a man can 
be, how much better for you to go off" into the 
country somewhere and stay there, live there, till 
your desire and love for this girl lose their grip 
on you ? 

{grimly) Have you finished talking ? 
I have. 

You have talked in vain. This is my fixed 
intention. I shall go home to pay my respects 
to my father and mother, and then without my 
father's knowledge I shall flee this country, or 
(darkly) settle upon some plan ! 

[exit precipitately into house. 
(looking after him) Well, that was a sudden start 
and exit ! This is awful ! Why, if he leaves 
home, everyone will say it came of my being such 
a slacker, {nfter a movienfs thottght) I'll do it, I'll 
hire all the public criers I can get to follow her 
up and find her ! Next I'll pounce on the praetor 
and beg him to furnish me officers to search every 
quarter of the city. Yes, yes, that's the only 
resource left me now, I see ! [exit. 



ACT IV 

enter Dorippa, irate. 

Having got word at the farm from my husband 
that he didn't intend to go out there, I've acted 
upon my womanly instinct and come back, to 
pursue the man that flees me. [looking about) 
But I don't see our old Syra with me. Ah, there 
she comes at last, plodding along ! {sharply) Why 
don't you hurry up .^ 

75 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Nequeo mecastorj tantum hoc onerist quod fei'o. 
Quid oneris? 

Annos octoginta et quattuor ; 
et eodem accedit servitus. sudor, sitis : 
simul haec quae porto deprimunt. 

Aliquid cedo 
qui banc vicini nostri aram augeam. 
da sane hanc virgam lauri. abi tu intro. 

Eo. 
Apollo, quaeso te, ut des pacem propitius, 
salutem et sanitatem nostrae familiae, 
meoque ut parcas gnato pace propitius. 
Disjjerii, perii misera, vae miserae mihi. 
Satin tu Sana es, obsecro ? quid eiulas ? 
Dorippa, mea Dorippa. 

Quid clamas, obsecro ? 
Nescio quaest mulier intus hie in aedibus. 
Quid, mulier? 

Mulier meretrix. 

Veron serio ? 
Nimium scis sapere, ruri quae non nianseris. 
quamvis insipiens poterat persentiscere ^ 
illam esse amicam tui viri bellissumi. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here, ilium non temere hie tnansmc, 
ecastor palamst Leo. 

76 



MERCATOR 
ENTER Syra laboriously, carrying a few 

PARCELS. 

Mercy me, ma'am, I can't, with all this load 
upon me. 
What load ? 

My eighty years and four, ma'am ; with slavery, 
sweat, and thirst thrown in. These things I'm 
carrying weigh me down, too. 

(^glancing at the altar in front of Demij)h6's house) 
Give me something for an offering on our neigh- 
bour's altar here, {as Syra fumbles at her parcels) 
Yes, yes, let me have this laurel branch, (takiny 
it) You go on in. 

Yes, ma'am. [exit. 

{at the altar) Apollo, I beseech thee, graciously 
grant thy favour, and safety and sound health, to 
our family, and may'st thou spare my son with 
thy gracious favour. 

RE-ENTER Syra in consternation. 

Oh, Lord, help us. Lord pity us I Oh, oh, this 

is terrible ! 

For heaven's sake, are you in your senses ? What 

are you shrieking about .f" 

Oh, Dorippa, my poor Dorippa ! 

For heaven's sake, what are you howling about ? 

There's some strange woman in the house here, 

ma'am ! 

(startled) What .'' A woman ? 

A hussy ! 

Really and truly ? 

Ah, ma'am, you showed good sense in not staying 

at the farm I Any fool could plainly perceive she's 

the mistress of that charming husband of yours. 

77 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

)r. Credo mecastor. 

r. Ei hac mecum, ut videas semul 

tuam Alcumenam paelicem, luno mea, 
)r. Ecastor vero istuc eo quantum potest. 



Parumne est malai rei, quod amat Demipho, 
ni sumptuosus insuper etiam siet ? 
decern si vocasset summos ad cenam viros, 
nimium obsonavit. sed coquos, quasi in mari 
solet hortator remiges hortarier, 
ita hortabatur. egomet conduxi coquom. 
sed eum demiror non venire, ut iusseram. 
sed quinam hinc a nobis exit ? aperitur foris. 

Miserior mulier me nee fiet, nee fuit, 

tali viro quae nupserim. heu miserae mihi. 

em quoi te et tua, quae tu habeas, commendes 

viro, 
em quoi decem talenta dotis detuli, 
haec ut viderem, ut ferrem has contumeUas. 
Perii hercle, rure iam rediit uxor mea : 
vidisse credo mulierem in aedibus. 
sed quae loquatur exaudire hinc non queo, 
accedam propius. 

Vae misei'ae mi. 

Immo mihi. 
Disperii. 
78 



MERCATOR 

My heavens, I do believe so ! 

(leading her toward the door) Just you come this 
way with me, so as to see your rival, Alcmena,^ 
for yourself, Juno mine ! 

Goodness me, indeed I will, just as fast as I can go ! 

[exeunt into house. 

2. ENTER Lysimachus, out of temper. 

Isn't it bad enough for Demipho to be in love, 
without his being so extravagant, to boot ? Why, 
if he'd invited a dozen dignitaries to dinner, the 
food he bought would be excessive. But the way 
he kept exhorting the cooks, just as a coxswain 
does his crew ! I hired a cook myself, {looking 
about) But I wonder why he doesn't come, as I 
told him. [listening) But who can that be coming 
out of our house ? The door's opening, [withdraws) 

3. enter Dorippa much agitated. 

Oh, there'll never be, never was, a more wretched 
woman than I am, to be married to such a man ! 
Oh, dear me, dear me ! Just see to what a 
husband you may entrust yourself and all you 
own I Just see to what a man I brought two 
thousand pounds in dowry, only to Avitness such 
sights, to suffer such insults ! 

(aside) Ye gods, I'm in for it! My wife's back 
from the farm already! I'll bet she saw that girl 
in the house ! But I can't catch what she says 
from here. I'll get closer, (does so) 
Oh, lieaven help me ! 
(aside, feelingly) No, no, me I 
I'm lost, lost ! 

^ One of Jove's mistresses. 

79 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Equidem lievcle oppido peril miser, 
vidit. lit te omnes, Deniipho, di perduint. 
Pol hoc est, ire quod rus meus vir noluit. 
Quid nunc ego faciam nisi uti adeam atque 

adloquar ? 
iubet salvere suos vir uxorem suam. 
urbani fiunt rustici ? 

Pudicius 
faciunt, quam illi qui non fiunt rustici. 
Num quid delinquent rustici ? 

Ecastor minus 
quam urbani, et multo minus mali quaerunt sibi. 
Quid autem urbani deliquerunt ? die mihi, 
cupio hercle scire. 

Sed tu me temptas sciens. 
quoia ilia mulier intust ? 

Vidistine earn ? 
Vidi. 

Quoia ca sit rogitas ? 

Resciscam tamen. 
Vin dicam quoiast ? ilia — ilia edepol — vae mihi, 
nescio quid dicam. 

Haeres. 

Haud vidi magis. 
Quin dicis ? 

Quin si liceat — 

Dictum ojiortuit. 
Non possum, ita instas ; urges quasi pro noxio, 
Scio, innoxiu's. 

Audacter quam vis dicito. 

80 



MERCATOR 

(aside) Oh Lord ! I'm the one that's lost and lost 
for good, confound it ! She has seen her. May 
all the powers above consume you, Demipho ! 
Yes, indeed ! This is the reason why my husband 
didn't want to go to the farm. 
(aside) What can I do now but step up and speak 
to her ? (approaching and addressing her with play- 
ful courtliness) Greetings from your husband to his 
wife, my dear ! Have our rustics become city folk ? 
(hotly) They act with more decency than those 
who have not become rustics. 
Our own rustics haven't misbehaved, have they ? 
Less than our city folk, mercy me, yes ! And they 
do much less looking for trouble ! 
Well, well, but how have the city folk misbe- 
haved? Tell me. By Jove, I'm eager to know. 
You're simply sounding me, and you know it. 
(viciously) Whose woman is that inside there ? 
(tentatively) You . . . saw her, eh ? 
I did. 

And you . . . ask whose she is ? 
(turning away indignantly) I shall discover, just 
the same ! 

You want me to . . . say whose she is ? She . . . 
by Jove, she . . . (aside) Damnation ! I don't 
know what to say ! 
You're stuck ! 

(aside) I never saw a man more so ! 
Well, why don't you say ? 
Well, if 1 only had a chance — 
You should have said it already. 
(desperate) I can't, the way you keep at me ; you 
hound me as if I were guilty ! 
(ironically) Oh, of course, you're not guilty ! 
You can say that with absolute assurance. 

8i 

VOL. III. O 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

<r. Die igitur. 

s. Dicam. 

r. At qui dicundum est tamen. 

s. Illast — etiam vis nomen dicam? 

;•. Nihil agis. 

nianufesto teneo in noxia. 
y. Qua noxia ? 

ista quidem ilia est — 
r. Quae ilia est ? 

y. Ilia— 

;•. 1 Quoia east ? 7. 

y. lam — si nihil usus esset/iam non dicerem. 
?•. Non tu scis quae sit ilia ? 
y. Immo iam scio : 

de istac sum index captus. 
r. Index ? iam scio : 

nunc tu in consilium istam advocavisti tibi. 
s. Immo sic : sequestro mihi datast. 
r. Intellego. 

,y. Nihil hercle istius quicquam est. 
ir. Numero purigas. 

,y. Nimium negoti repperi. enim vero haereo. 7' 

. 4. 

c. Agite ite actutum, nam mi amatori seni 

coquendast cena. atque, quom recogito, 

nobis coquendastj non quoi conducti sumus. 

nam qui amat quod amat si habet, id habet pro 
cibo : 

videre, amplecti, osculari, alloqui ; 

^ Quoia east Leo : lohia MSS. 
82 



MERCATOR 

You say, then. 

I will say. 

But say it as it should be said, though. 

She is . . . do you want her name, too ? 

What trifling! I've caught you red-handed in 

your guilt ! 

What guilt ? Really now, that girl is . . . the 

girl that — 

\Vliat girl ? 

The girl . . . 

Whose girl ? 

[badly Jiustered) Now — {on a new tack) if it 

weren't necessary, I shouldn't tell you at present. 

You don't know who the girl is ? 

{suddenly illumined) Oil yes, now I know : I was 

made an arbitrator in her case. 

An arbitrator ? (drily) Now I know, too : so 

you've summoned her for a conference with you. 

No, no, it's this way — she was left with me for 

safe-keeping. 

{wilheringly) I understand ! 

I swear it's nothing of that sort at all ! 

You absolve yourself too soon. 

(aside) This is more than I can manage ! I am 

stuck, to be sure ! 

e 4. ENTER A COOK, HIS ASSISTANTS FOLLOWING AT A 
DISTANCE AND STAGGERING UNDER BASKETS OF 
PROVISIONS. 

{calling to assista/its) Come, step along, stir your- 
selves ! I've got to get up a dinner for an old 
gallant. On second thoughts, though, it's to be 
got up for ourselves, not for the chap that hired 
us. For if a lover has the girl he loves, he has 
his food — looking, caressing, kissing, chatting. 

83 
G 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

sed nos confido onustos redituros domum. 
ite hac. sed eccum qui nos conduxit senex. 
Ecce autem perii^ coquos adest. 

Advenimus. 
Abi. 

Quid, abeam ? 

St, abi. 

Abeam ? 

Abi. 
Non estis cenaturi .'' 

lam saturi sumus. 
Sed— 

Interii. 

Quid ais tu ? etiamne haec illi tibi 
iusserunt ferri, quos inter iudex datu's ? 
Haecin tua est arnica, quam dudum mihi 
te amare dixti, quom obsonabas ? 

Non taces i* 
Satis scitum filum mulieris. verum hercle anet. 
Abin dierectus ? 

Haud malast. 

At tu malu's. 
Scitam hercle opinor concubinam banc. 

Non abis .'' 
non ego sum qui te dudum conduxi. 

Quid est ? 
immo hercle tu istic ipsus. 
84 



MERCATOR 

But as for us, I trust we'll go back home well 

loaded. {ctpproaching Lysbnachus' s house) Come 

on, this way. (seeing Lysbnachus) Aha, though ! 

There's the old fellow that hired us. {the assistants 

trail in) 

(seeing them) Damnation ! Will you look at that ! 

Here's the cook ! 

(cheerfully) We've got here, sir. 

[in a low tone) Get out ! 

What ? Get out > 

Sh-h ! Get out ! 

Get out } 

Get out ! 

You're not to have a dinner.'* 

We've had our fill already. 

But— 

Oh, this is dreadful ! 

See here, sir ! Is all this (indicating provisions) 

brought you, too, by order of the [)arties you were 

made arbitrator for ? 

(to Lysimackus) Is this your lady friend you told 

me you were in love with, a while ago when you 

were marketing ? 

[in agony) Shut up, can't you ? (Dorippa comes 

closer) 

A rather well-made wench, too ! (confidentially) 

But, my word, she is annuating ! 

Get to the devil out of here, will you .f* 

(soothingly) She's not bad. 

But you are ! 

By gad, I'll bet she makes a fine bedfellow ! 

Oil, won't you get out .'' I'm not the man that 

hired you a while ago ! 

Eh? What? Xone of that! By gad, you're the 

one, all right. 

85 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Vae misei'o mihi. 
Nempe uxor rurist tua^ quam dudum dixeras 76 

te odisse aeqvie atque anguis.^ 

Egone istiic dixi tibi ? 
Mihi quidem hercle. 

Ita me amabit luppiter, 
uxor, lit ego illiid numquam dixi. 

Etiam negas ? 
palam istaec fiunt, te me odisse. 

Quin nego. 
Non, non te odisse aibat, sed uxorem siiam ; 
et uxorem suam ruri esse aiebat. 

Haec east, 
quid mihi molestu's .'' 

Quia novisse me negas ; - 

nisi metuis tu istanc. 

Sapio, nam mihi unicast. 
Vin me experiri ? 

Nolo. 

Mercedem cedo. 
Cras petito ; dabitur. nunc abi. 

Heu miserae mihi. 77 
Nunc ego verum illud verbum esse experior vetus : 
aliquid mali esse propter vicinum malum. 
Cur hie astamus ? quin abimus ? incommodi 
si quid tibi evenit, id non est culpa mea. 
Quin me eradicas miserum. 

Scio iam quid velis; 
nempe me hinc abire vis. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : Lindsay brackets acqur. 
86 



MERCATOR 

(aside) Oh, Lord help me ! 

{vety distinctly) Your wife's in the country, of 

course ; I remember your saying a while ago you 

hated her like a snake, 

I ? I said that to you ? 

Yes, to me, by gad. 

{to Dorippa, solemnly) So help me Heaven, my 

dear, I never said any such thing ! 

{icily) You really deny it? It's perfectly plain 

that you do hate me. 

I deny it, I tell you ! 

{to Dorippa in apparent guilelessness) No, no, ma'am, 

he didn't say he hated 3'ou, but his wife ; and he 

said she was in the country. 

{desperately) This lady is my wife. What makes 

you pester me .^ 

Because you deny knowing me — but perhaps 

you're afraid of her. 

{to Dorippa, pJacatingly) Which is wise of me, for 

she's my one and only. 

D'ye want to try me ? 

{angrily) I do not ! 

Give me my pay. 

Come for it to-morrow ; you'll get it. And now 

get out ! 

{in tears) Oh dear me, dear me ! 

{aside) I'm proving the truth of that old proverb 

now: "A bad neighbour brings bad luck." 

{to attendants) Why stand here ? Come on, let's go. 

{to Lysimachus, sweetly) If any harm has happened, 

it's no fault of mine. 

{forlor)i) Oh, damn it, man, you're eradicating 

me I 

{ingenuously) Now I know what you want : why, of 

course, you want me to get out. 

87 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Volo inquam. 

Abibitur. 
drachmam dato. 

Dabitur. 

Dari ergo sis iube. 
dari potest interea dum illi j^onunt. 

Quin abis ? 
potine ut molestus ne sis ? 

Agite apponite 
obsonium istuc ante pedes illi seni. 
haec vasa aut mox aut eras iubebo abs te peti. 
sequimini — 

Fortasse te ilium mirari coquonij 
quod venit atque haec attulit. dicam quid est. 
Non miror si quid damni facis aut flagiti. 
nee pol ego patiar^ sic me nuptam tam male 
measque in aedis sic scorta obductarier. 
Syra^ i, rogato meum patrem verbis meis, 
ut veniat ad me iam simul tecum. 

Eo. 
Nescis negoti quod sit^ uxor, obsecro. 
conceptis verbis iam iusiurandum dabo, 
me numquam quicquam cum ilia — iamne abiit 

Syra } 
perii hercle. ecce autem haec abiit. vae misero 
mihi. 

88 



MERCATOR 

Indeed I do I _ 

Get out's the word. Tip me a shilling. ; 
(ivaiing him off) I will, I will. 

Then kindly have it given me. It can be given 
me while they {Indicating altenda7its) ai'e putting 
down their baskets. 

Get out, won't you ? Can't you stop pestering me ? 
{to attendants) Come on, put the provisions down 
there at the old chap's feet, {to Lysimachus) I'll 
send someone to fetch these dishes from you a 
a bit later, or to-morrow. {to attendants) Come 
along, 

[exeunt, very cheerful. 
{after a painful silence) Perhaps you're . . . sur- 
prised at that . . . cook's coming with all this 
. , . stuff, I'll . . . tell you . . . how it is. 
No extravagance or enormity of yours, sir, sur- 
prises me. Good heavens ! I won't endure such 
a dreadful married life, and have sluts introduced 
into my own house in such a fashion ! {calling at 
the door) Syra ! Go to my father and ask him in 
my name to come to me with you at once, 

ENTER Syra. 
Yes, ma'am, 

EXIT, AS Lysimachus turns towards his wife. 
Oh, for heaven's sake, my dear ! You don't 
understand the situation ! I'll take oath in solemn 
terms this moment that she and I never had any- 
thing — {turning to co7ivi?ice Syra, also, oj' his candour) 
has Syra gone already ? 

[exit Dorippa unperceived. 
Lord I Lord ! This is awful ! {turning back) 
Just look at that I Now she's gone, too ! Well, 
I'll be damned ! {shaking his fist at Demipho's 

89 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

at te^ vicine, di deaeque perduint, 
cum tua arnica cumque amationibus. 
suspicione implevit me indignissime, 
concivit hostis domi : uxor acerrumast. 
ibo ad forum atque haec Demiphoni eloquar, 
me istanc capillo protracturum esse in viam^ 
nisi hinc abducit quo volt ex hisce aedibus. 
uxor, heus uxor, quamquam tu irata es mihi, 
iubeas, si sapias, haec intro auferrier : 
eadem licebit mox cenare rectius. 



Era quo me misit, ad patrem, non est domi : 
rus abiisse aibant. nunc domum renuntio. 
Defessus sum urbem totam pervenarier : 
nihil investigo quicquam de ilia muliere, 
sed mater rure rediit, nam video Syram 
astare ante aedis. Syra. 

Quis est qui me vocat ? 
Erus atque alumnus tuos sum. 

Salve, alumne mi. 
lam mater rure rediit ? responde mihi. 
Sua quidem salute ac familiai maxuma. 
Quid istuc negotist ? 
90 



MERCATOR 

house) But as for you^ neighbour^ may all the 
powers above consume and rot you, you and your 
mistress and your amours together ! The out- 
rageous way he has swamped me with suspicions, 
stirred up enemies in my own household ! [plain- 
tively) x\nd my wife makes such a ferocious enemy ! 
[after cogitation) I'll go to the forum and tell 
Demipho flat that I'll drag that girl into the street 
by the hair of her head, unless he takes her wher- 
ever he likes out of this house, [going, then noticing 
the provisions and calling at the door) Oh, my dear ! 
I say, my dear ! No matter if you are angry at 
me, you'd do well to have this stuff brought inside. 
We can use it bye-and-bye to improve our dinner. 

[exit. 

.5. ENTER Syra. 

Where mistress sent me, to her father — he's not 
at home : they said he'd gone to the country. 
So now I'm back to tell her. 

ENTER Eufl/chus. 

I'm all tired out Avith searching the whole city ; 

and not a single trace of that girl can I find. 

[glancing towards his house) But my mother's back 

from the country, for I see Syra standing in front 

of the house, [calling) Syra ! 

[without looking) Who's calling me .^ 

The master that you nursed. 

Oh, bless your heart, my dear child ! 

Is my mother back from the farm already .'' [as 

Syra hesitates) Answer me. 

[sigmficantly) And a very good thing for herself 

and family that she is I 

[noticing her manner) What's the trouble ? 

91 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Tuos pater bellissumus 
amicam adduxit intro in aedis. 

Quo modo ? 
Adveniens mater rure earn ofFendit domi. 
Pol haud censebam istarum esse operarum patrem. 
etiam nunc mulier intust ? 

Etiam. 

Sequere me. 



Ecastor lege dura vivont mulieres 

multoque iniquiore miserae quam viri. 

nam si vir scortum duxit clam uxorem suam, 

id si rescivit uxor^ impunest viro ; 

uxor virum si clam domo egressa est foras^ 

viro fit causa^ exigitur matrimonio, 

utinam lex esset eadem quae uxori est viro ; 

nam uxor contenta est^ quae bona est^ uno viro : 

qui minus vir una uxore contentus siet ? 

ecastor faxim, si itidem plectantur viri^ 

si quis clam uxorem duxerit scortum suam, 

ut illae exiguntur quae in se culpam commerent, 

plures viri sint vidui quam nunc mulieres. 



ACTVS V 

ar. Limen superum inferumque, salve, simul autem 
vale : 
liunc hodie postremum extollo mea domo patria 
pedem. 

92 



MERCATOR 

That most winsome father of yours has introduced 
his mistress into the house. 
{amascd) How's that ? 

On arriving from the country your mother dis- 
covered her at home. 

Good heavens ! I never supposed my father was 
that sort? Is the woman still inside? 
She is. 
[hurrying to the door) Come along ! 

[exit into house. 
6. 

My, my I Women do live under hard conditions, 
so much more unfair, poor things, than the men's. 
Why, if a husband has brought home some 
strumpet, unbeknown to his wife, and she finds it 
out, the husband goes scot free. But once a wife 
steps out of the house unbeknown to her husband, 
he has his grounds and she's divorced. Oh, I 
wish there was the same rule for the husband as 
for the wife ! Now a wife, a good wife, is content 
with just her husband ; why should a husband be 
less content with just his wife? Mercy me, if 
husbands, too, were taken to task for wenching on 
the sly, the same way as wanton wives are divorced, 
I warrant there'd be more lone men about than 
there now are women ! [exit into house. 

ACT V. 

enter Chaiinus from his father's house, in 

TRAVELLING DRESS, WITH SWORD AND LUGGAGE. 

{melodramatically, as he turns toward the house) 
Lintel and threshold, hail, aye, and likewise fare 
you well ! To-day for the last time do I lift this 

93 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

usus, fructus, victus, cultus iam niihi liarunc aediuni 
intereinptust, interfectust, alienatust. occidi. 
di penates meum pai-entum, familial Lar pater, 
vobis mando, meum parentum rem bene ut 

tutemini. 
ego mihi alios deos penatis persequar, alium Larem, 
aliam urbem, aliam civitatem : ab Atticis abhorreo ; 
nam ubi mores deteriores increbrescunt in dies, 
ubi qui amici, qui infideles sint nequeas pernoscere, 
ubique id eripiatur, animo tuo quod placeat 

maxume, 
ibi quidem si regnum detur, non cupita est civitas. 



Divom atque hominum quae spectatrix atque era 

eadem es hominibus, 
spem speratam quom obtulisti banc mihi, tibi 

grates ago. 
ecquisnam deus est, qui mea nunc laetus laetitia 

fuat ? 
domi erat quod quaeritabam : sex sodales I'epperi, 
vitam, amicitiam, civitatem, laetitiam, ludum, 

locum ; 
eorum inventu res simitu pessumas pessum dedi, 
Iram, Inimicltiam, maerorem, lacrumas, exillum, 

Inopiam.^ 
date, di, quaeso convenlundl mi elus celerem copiam. 
Apparatus sum ut videtis : abiclo superblam ; 
egomet mihi comes, calator, equos, agaso, armiger, 
egomet sum mihi imperator, idem egomet mihi 

oboedio, 

1 Leo brackets following v., 849: solitudinem, stultitiavi, 
exithnn, pertinaciam. 

94 



MERCATOR 

foot from my paternal home. The use and enjoy- 
ment, tlie sustenance and nurture of this roof are 
now cut off from me, estranged from me, killed 
for me ! I am dead, dead ! Ye Penates of my 
parents, father Lar of this abode, to you I commit 
the fortunes of my parents that ye guard them 
well. For myself other Penates, another Lar, 
another city, another country, will I seek : Athens 
I abhor ! Aye, for where vice grows more rampant 
day by day, where the friendly and the faithless 
are indistinguishable, where that which most 
delights your soul is ravished from you — there, 
even though a throne be offered me, I could never 
desire to dwell I 



o 



ENTER Eutychus, EXUBERANT, FROM HIS FATHEr's 
HOUSE. 

{not seeing Charinus) Oh, thou who dost view both 
gods and men, yea, and dost dominate mankind, 
forasmuch as thou hast fulfilled the hope of my 
heart, I thank thee ! Ah, is there any god happy 
as I am happy now? That which I sought for 
was at home ! Six comrades have I found — life, 
friendship, country, joy, jubilation, and jollity ; 
and by finding them I have simultaneously 
banished the worst of banes — ire, enmity, griefj 
tears, exile and want.^ May God grant me a 
a speedy meeting with him ! 

{to audience) I am all equipped, as you see. My 
pride I abandon. I myself am my own attache 
and attendant, my own steed and groom and 
squire ; I myself am my own commanding officer, 
and likewise my own subaltern, and I myself am 

^ V. 849 : Friendlessness, folly, ruin, and pertinacitj'. 

95 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

egomet mihi fero quod usust. o Cupido, quantus es. 
nam tu qiiemvis confidentem facile tuis factis facis, 
eundem ex confidente actutum diffidentem denuo. 
Cogito quonam ego ilium curram quaeritatum, 

Certa res 
me usque quaerere illam, quoquo hinc abductast 

gentium ; 
neque mihi ulla obsistet amnis nee mons neque 

adeo mare, 
nee calor nee frigus metuo neque ventum neque 

grandinem ; 
imbrem perpetiar, laborem sufFeram, solem, sitim ; 
non concedam neque quiescam usquam noetu 

neque dius 
prius profecto quam aut amicam aut mortem 

investigavero, 
Nescio quoia vox ad aures mi advolavit. 

Invoco 
vos. Lares viales, ut me bene tutetis, 

luppiter^ 
estne illic Charinus ? 

Gives, bene valete. 

I lice 
sta, Charine. 

Qui me revocat? 

SpeSj Salus, Victoria. 
Quid me voltis ? 

Ii*e tecum. 

Alium comitem quaerite, 
non amittunt hi me comites qui tenent. 

Qui sunt ei ? 
Cura, miseria, aegritudo, lacrumae, lamentatio. 
Repudia istos comites atque hoc respice et revortere. 
Siquidem mecum fabulari vis, subsequere. 

Sta ilico. 

96 



MERCATOR 

the porter of all I need. Ah, Cupid, how mighty 
is thy sway ! For by thy fiat thou dost easily fill 
whatsoever heart with hope, and instantly displace 
that hope with hopelessness anew ! 
I wonder where on earth to run and look for him. 
Resolved I am to keep on searching for her, what- 
ever be the land to which she has been taken 
hence. Neither river, nor mountain, no, nor sea, 
shall bar my way ; neither heat nor cold fear I, 
nor wind nor hail ; I'll brave the rains, I'll suffer 
toil and tropic sun and thirst ; I'll not give up 
or take repose in any spot by night or day, I 
swear it, before I've found my sweetheart or my 
death ! 

{still ecstatic) The sound of some voice hath flown 
unto my ears ! 

I call upon you. Lares of the roadsides, to keep 
me under your kindly care ! 
{seeing hivi) Great .lupiter ! Is that Charinus } 
{going) Fellow citizens, fare ye well ! 
{shouting) Stop where you are, Charinus. 
{without looking) Who calls me back } 
Hope, Salvation, Victory I 
{still without looking) What wish ye of me ? 
To go with you. 

Seek ye another companion ; these companions, 
in whose grip I am, will not unhand me. 
Who are they } 

Care, misery, tribulation, tears, laments. 
{enjoying the situation) Renounce such companions, 
regard me, and return ! 

{proceeding) If thou dost wish to parley with me, 
follow. 
Stop where you are ! 

97 

VOL. III. H 



Titus maccius plautus 

Char. Male facis, properantem qui me commorare. sol 

abit. 
Eul. Si hue item properes ut istuc properas, facias 
rectius : 
hue secundus ventus nune est ; cape modo 

vorsoriam : 
hie favonius serenust, istic auster imbricus ; 
hie facit tranquillitatem, iste omnis fluctus conciet. 
recipe te ad terram^ Charine^ hue. nonne ex 

advorso vides, 
nubis atra imberque ut instat ? aspice ad sinisteram, 
caelum ut est splendore plenum atque ut dei istuc 
vorti iubent ? 
Char. Religionem illic mi obiecit : recipiam me illuc. 
Eut. Sapis. 

o Charine, conti'a pariter fer gradum et confer 

pedem, 
porge bracchium. 

Prehende. iam tenes ? 

Teneo. 

Tene. 
Quo nunc ibas ? 

Exulatum. 

Quid ibi faceres ? 

Quod miser. 
Ne pave, restituam iam ego te in gaudio antiquo 

ut sies. 
maxime quod vis audire, id audies, quod gaudeas.^ 
tuam amicam — 

Quid eam .'' 

Vbi sit ego scio. 

Tune, obsecro ? 

^ Leo brackets following v., 887 : sta ilico, amicus 
advenio multum benevolens. 

98 



MERCATOR 

{halting) Thou dost ill to delay nie when I am in 

haste. The sun is setting. 

You would do better to make the same haste in 

this direction as you do in that. A fair wind 

blows in this quarter now. Come, come I About 

ship ! Here you have a clear western breeze, 

there a rainy southern blast ; the one brings calm, 

the other raises all the billows. Make for shore 

here, Charinus ! Do you not see how on your bows 

black clouds and rain storms lower .'' Cast your 

eyes to larboard — see you not how the sky is all 

aglow and Heaven bids you turn your course 

thither ? 

[half to himself) He has filled me with awe ! I'll 

back ! [turns, falteringly) 

You do wisely, (hurrying toward him) Ah, Charinus ! 

Come, do your part, come meet me, come this 

way ! Stretch out your arm ! 

{tottering) Take it ! {faintly as Eutychus supports 

him) Dost hold it now .'' 

I do. 

Keep holding it ! 

Where were you going just now ? 

Into exile. 

To do what there ? 

What a wretched man should do. 

{cheerfully) Have no fear ; I'll soon restore you to 

your former joy in life. You shall hear what you 

most want to hear, what should make you happy .^ 

Your sweetheart — 

{reviving rapidly) What of her ? 

I know where she is. 

You do ? You do .'' 

^ V. 887 : Stop where you are ! I come as a friend and 
am full of good will. 

99 
H 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Sanam et salvam. 

Vbi earn salvam ? 

Ego scio. 

Ego me mavelim. 
Potin ut animo sis tranquillo ? 

Quid si mi animus fluctuat ? 8 
Ego istum in tranquillo quieto tuto sistam : ne 

time. 
Obseero te^ loquere propere ubi sit, ubi eam 

videris. 
quid taces ? die. enicas me miserum tua reticentia. 
Non longe hinc abest a nobis. 

Quin ergo commostras, si vides .'• ^ 
Non video hercle nunc, sed vidi modo. 

Quin ego videam facis? 
Faciam. 

Longura istuc amantist. 

Etiam metuis } omnia 
commonstrabo. amicior mihi nullus vivit atque 

is est 
qui illam habet, neque est quoi magis me velle 

melius aequom siet. 
Non euro istune, de ilia quaero. 

De ilia ergo ego dico tibi. 
sane hoc non in mentem venit dudum, ut ubi sit 

dicerem. 9 

Die igitur, ubi ilia est ? 

In nostris aedibus. 

Aedis probas, 
si tu vera dicis ; pulchre aedificatas arbitro. 
sed qui ego istuc credam ? vidistin an de audito 
nuntias ? 

' Corrupt (Leo) : ergo omitted by Guietus, followed by 
Lindsay. 



MERCATOR 

Safe and sound ! 

Safe ? Where ? 

[teasingly) I know. 

1 had rather know, myself! 

Can't you be of calm mind ? 

But what if my mind's in turmoil ? 

I'll bring it where there's calm, restful and secure ; 

never you fear. 

For heaven's sake, hurry, tell me where she is, 

where you saw her } Why are you dumb } Speak ! 

You'll be the death of me with your damnable 

closeness ! 

She's not far away from us here, [looks down the 

street) 

[following his eyes) W'hy don't you point her out 

to me, then, if you see her.'' 

By Jove, I don't see her now, but I did see her a 

moment ago. 

[a-quiver) Why don't you let me see her? 

I will. 

" Will " is a long, long time to a lover ! 

Still afraid.? Well, I'll tell you all about it. 

[pauses, then douhlfnUy) I haven't a better friend 

living than the man who has her, one who has a 

better claim to my best wishes. 

I don't care about him : it's about her I'm asking ! 

Well, then, it's about her I'm telling you. It 

really didn't occur to me a while ago to tell you 

where she was. 

Tell me now, then I Where is she } 

[after prolo/iging the suspense) In . . . our house. 

[ecstatic) Oh, excellent house, if you speak true ! 

Exquisitely constructed, I consider ! But how can 

I believe that ? Did you see her, or is your news 

mere heai-say } 

lOI 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Eut. Egomet vidi. 

Char. Quis earn adduxit ad vos? 

Eul. Vt inique rogas. 

quid tua refert^ qui cum istac venevit ? 
Char. Dum istic siet. 

vera dicis ? 
Exit. Nil, Charine, te quidem quicquam pudet ; 

est profecto. 
Char. Opta ergo ob istunc nuntium quid vis tibi, 

Eut. Quid si optabo ? 

Char. Deos orato ut eius faciant copiam. 

Eut. Derides. 
Char. Servata res est demum, si illam videro. 

sed quin ornatum luinc reicio ? heus, aliquis 
actutum hue foras 9 

exite illinc, pallium mi ecferte. 
Eut. Em, nunc tu niihi places. 

Char. Optume advenis, puere, cape chlamydem atque istic 
sta ilico, 

ut, si haec non sint vera, inceptum hoc itiner per- 
ficere exsequar. 
Eut. Non mihi credis ? 
Char. Omnia equidem credo quae dicis mihi. 

sed quin intro ducis me ad earn, ut videam .'' 
Eut. Paulisper mane. 

Char. Quid manebo ? 

Eut. Tempus non est intro eundi. 

Char. Enicas. 

Eut. Non opus est, inquam, nunc intro te ire. 

102 



MERCATOR 

I saw her, myself. 

Who took her to your people ? 

A very unfair question ! What does it matter to 

you who came with her ? 

Provided she's there ! {(mxiotisly) You're telling 

the truth? 

Charinus, you haven't the vestige of a sense of 

shame. Of course she's there. 

Then in return for this news, ask for anything you 

like ! 

What if I do ask for it .'' 

{laughing hysterically) VVell, pray God you'll get it ! 

{tolerantly) Wag ! 

Only let me set eyes on her, and all's well ! But 

I must get out of this rig ! {shouting at his door) 

Hey, someone ! Come out here, quick, and bring 

me a mantle ! {strips off his travelling coat) 

There ! Now you suit me. 

ENTER A SLAVE WITH MANTLE. 

Just in time, my lad ! Here, catch this coat 

{passing it over with his sword and luggage, and putting 

on the mantle) and stay right where you are, so that 

{glaring at Eutychus and relapsing into melodrama) 

if this news be false, I may continue and complete 

the journey I had begun ! 

You don't believe me ? 

{suspiciously) I believe all you tell me, oh, of 

course. But why don't you take me in to see her ? 

(embarrassed) Do wait a little while. 

Why wait ? 

This isn't the right moment to go in. 

You're killing me ! 

It's not advisable for you to go in just now, I tell 

you. 

J03 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Char. Responde mihi, 

qua causa ? 
Eut. Operae non est. 

Char. Cur ? 

Eut. Quia non est illi commodum. 

Char. Itane ? commodum illi non est, quae me amat, 
quam ego contra amo ? 
omnibus hie ludificatur me modis. ego stultior, 9^ 
qui isti credam. commoratur. chlamydem sumam 

denuo. 
Mane parumper atque haec audi. 

Cape sis, puere, hoc pallium. 
Mater irata est patri vehementer, quia scortum 

sibi 
ob oculos adduxerit in aedis, dum ruri ipsa abest : 
suspicatur illam amicam esse illi. 

Sonam sustuli. 
Eam rem nunc exquirit intus. 

lam machaerast in manu. 
Nam si eo ted intro ducam — 

Tollo ampullam atque hinc eo. 
Mane, mane, Charine. 

Erras, me decipere haud potes. 
Neque edepol volo. 

Quin tu ergo itiner exsequi meum me sinis .'' 
Non sino. 

Egomet me moror. tu puere, abi hinc 
intro ocius. go 

iam in currum escendi, iam lora in manus cepi 
meas. 

104 



MERCATOR 

For what reason ? Answer me ! 
There's no time for it. 
Why ? 

Because it's not convenient for her. 
(^indignant) So ? Not convenient for her — the 
girl that loves me, the girl that I love, too ? 
[pauses, then wildly, with a sly glance at Eutychus^ 
A pretty dance this fellow leads me ! The more 
fool I, to trust him ! (turning to the slave) He 
delays me ! I'll on with my cloak again ! {^removes 
his viantle). 

Do wait a minute and listen to me ! 
Here, boy, kindly take this mantle ! (passes it over 
and dons his travelling cloalc) 

My mother's in a terrible rage at my father for 
having brought a wench into the house right 
before her face, while she was in the country. She 
suspects her of being his mistress. 
[la/cing articles from slave, o?ie by one) Ah, my belt ! 
(puts it on). 

And she's investigating tlie matter inside there 
now. 

(growing wilder) Now I have my sword in hand ! 
{alarmed) You see, if I should take you in — 
Aha ! My flask ! And now I go ! (strides away) 
(running after him) Wait, Charinus, wait ! 
You miscalculate, you cannot deceive me ! 
Good heavens, no ! Nor do 1 want to ! 
Then why dost not permit me to continue on my 
journey } 

(clutching him) I won't permit you ! 
I delay myself! (to slave) You, boy ! Inside with 
you, quick, be off! [exit Slave, 

(tearing himself away , apparently frenzied) Now have 
I mounted my car ! Now have I reins in hand ! 

105 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Eut. Sanus non es. 

Char. Quin, pedes, vos in curriculum conicitis 

in Cyprum recta, quandoquidem pater mihi 

exilium parat ? 
Eut. Stultus es, noli istuc quaeso dicere. 
Char. Certum exsequist, 

operam ut sumam ad pervestigandum, ubi sit 

illaec. 
Eut. Quin domist. 

Char. Nam hie quod dixit, id mentitust. 
Eut. Vera dixi equidem tibi. 

Char. lam Cyprum veni. 

Eut. Quin sequere, ut illam videas quam expetis. 

Char. Percontatus non inveni. 

Eut. Matris iani iram neglego. 

Char. Porro proficiscor quaesitum, nunc perveni Chal- 

cidem ; 
video ibi hospitem Zacyntlio, dico quid eo adve- 

nerim, 
rogito quis earn vexerit, quis habeat si ibi indau- 

diverit. 
Eut. Quin tu istas omittis nugas ac mecum hue intro 

ambulas ? 
Char. Hospes respondit, Zacynthi ficos fieri non malas. 
Eut. Nil mentitust. 
Char. Sed de arnica se indaudivisse autumat, 

hie Athenis esse. 
Eut. Calchas iste quidem Zacynthiust. 

Char. Navem conscendo, proficiscor ilico. iam sum 

domi, 
iam redii ex exilio. salve, mi sodalis Eutyche : 



' CJreek seer at the siege of Troy. 
io6 



MERCATOR 

{dislr acted) You're mad ! 

Feet, why fling ye not yourselves straight on the 

course for Cyprus, forasmuch as my father doth 

doom me to exile ? 

You foolish fellow ! For mercy's sake, don't talk 

like that ! 

I will ! ril carry on ! Fll undertake the task of 

tracing her, where'er she be ! 

But she's at home ! 

For what this man hath said is but a lie ! 

Fve told you the truth, really I have ! 

Now am I come to Cyprus ! 

[succumlmig in his alarm for Charifius's sanity and 

goi?tg towards his door) Come on, follow me, and 

see the girl you're after ! 

{hiding a smile) I have asked for her, but found 

her not ! 

ril disregard my mother's anger now ! 

ril pursue my search still further I Now have I 

reached Chalcis I There I see a host of mine 

from Zacynthus ; I tell him what has brought me 

thither, and inquire if he has heard it rumoured 

who carried her there and who possesses her. 

{at his door) Why don't you drop that nonsense 

and step inside with me ? 

My host replies that at Zacynthus they grow figs, 

not bad ones. 

That's no lie. 

But as for my sweetheart, he affirms that rumours 

reached him that she is {winking covertly at the 

audience) here in Athens ! 

That Zacynthian is a perfect Calchas.^ 

I embark, I set out forthwith ! Now I am at 

home, now I have returned from exile ! {seizing 

Eiitychus's hand) Well, well, Eut3xhus ! My dear 

107 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ut valuisti ? quid parentes mei ? valent mater 

pater ? 
bene vocas, benigne dicis : eras apud te, nunc 

domi. 
sic decet, sic fieri oportet. 

^ Eia quae mi somnias ! 
hie homo non sanust. 

Medicari amicus quin properas mihi ? 
Sequere sis. 

Sequor. 

Clementer quaeso^ calces deteris, 
audin tu ? 

lam dudum audivi. 

Pacem componi volo 
meo jiatri cum matre : nam nunc est irata — 

I modo. 
Propter istanc. 

I modo. 

Ergo cura. 

Quin tu ergo i modo. 
tam propitiam reddam, quam quom propitiast 
luno lovi. 



V^ 3 

Dein. Quasi tu numquam quicquam adsimile huius facti 

feceris. 
Lys. Edepol numquam ; cavi ne quid facerem. vix vivo 

miser, 
nam mea uxor propter illam tota in fermento 

iacet. 
Dem. At ego expurigationem habebo, ut ne suscenseat. 
Lys. Sequere me. sed exeuntem filium video meum. 

^ Eia quae mi somnias Ussing ; Eloqne ni somnias MSS. 
io8 



MERCATOR 

fellow ! How have you been ? What of my 
parents ? Are my mother and father well ? So 
good of you to mviteme! Much obliged ! To- 
morrow with youj to-day at home. That is the 
fit and proper programme. 
Dear, dear, what dreams ! The man is mad ! 
Then as a friend, why not hurry up and doctor 
me.'' 

{going inside) Just you follow me. 
[close after him) I will ! 

(stopping) Easy, for heaven's sake ! You're walk- 
ing on my heels ! {looks inside doubtfidly) Listen 
here, will you ? 

{pus/ling him) I have listened, this long time ! 
{blocking the door) I want my father and mother to 
come to terms. You see, she's angry now — 
{still pushing) (xo along, go along ! 
— on account of that girl. 
Go along, go along ! 
Then you see to it ! 

Come there, you, go along, go along ! I'll make 
her as gracious to him as Juno is to Jove — when 
she is gracious. 

[exeunt. 

3. ENTER Demipho and Lysimachus. 

Just as if you had never done anything like 

this ! 

Never, by Jove ! I've taken care not to do a 

thing. Damn it, man, I'm nearly dead ! Why, 

my wife's in an awful stew on this girl's account ! 

But I'll exonerate you, myself, and calm her 

down. 

{going toward his house) Come on, then, {stopping, 

as the door opens) But I see my son coming out ! 

109 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 



Ad patrem ibo, iit matris iram sibi esse sedatani 

sciat. 
iam redeo. 

Placet principium. quid agis ? quid fit, 
Eutyche ? 
Optima opportunitate ambo advenistis. 

Quid rei est ? 
Vxor tibi plaeida et placatast. cette dextras 

nunciam. 
Di me servant. 

Tibi amicam esse nullam nuntio, 
Di te pei'dant. quid negotist nam, quaeso istue ? 

Eloquar. 
animum advortite igitur ambo. 

Quin tibi ambo operam damus. 
Qui bono sunt genera nati, si sunt ingenio malo, 
suapte culpa genera sapiunt, genus ingenio 

improbant. 
Verum hie dicit. 

Tibi ergo dicit. 

Eo illud est verum magis. 
nam te istac aetate baud aequom filio fuerat tuo 
adulescenti amanti amicam eripere emptam argento 

suo. 
Quid tu ais ? Charini amicast ilia ? 

Vt dissimulat malus. 
lUe quidem illam sese ancillam matri emisse 

dixerat. 
I ro 



MERCATOR 

4. ENTER Eutychis. 

{to those within) I'll go find my father and let him 

know that mother has cooled off and isn't angry 

at him. I'll soon be back. 

[aside) That preamble pleases me ! {aloud) What 

are you doing .'' How goes it, Eutychus ? 

{turning) Here's luck, to have the pair of you 

appear ! ( steps up between them) 

VVhat's the matter ? 

{to his father, officially) Your wife, sir, is now 

placid and placated. Your hands, sirs, at once ! 

{seizes them) 

Heaven be praised ! 

{to Demipho) To you, sir, I announce that you 

have no mistress. 

{with a start) Heaven curse you ! Tell me what 

the devil you mean by that ! 

I'll speak out, sirs. Attention, then, the two of 

you ! 

Yes, yes, we're both at your service I 

{magisterially) When men of good birth are of an 

evil bent, though intelligent by birth, they nullify 

their birth by their bent, and have only themselves 

to blame for it. 

That's true, what he says. 

Well, you're the man he says it to. 

{to Demipho) This makes it all the more true. 

Why, the impropriety in a man of your age to'^ 

seize his son's sweetheart, when he's young, and 

loves her, and had bought her with his own 

money ! 

What's that ? She the sweetheart of Charinus ? 

{to his father) How the villain dissembles ! 

But he said he had bought her as a maid for his 

mother ! 

Ill 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Propterea igitur tu mercatu's, novos amator, vetus 

puer ? 
Optume hercle^ perge tu, ego adsistam hinc altrin- 

secus. 
quibus est dictis dignus, usque oneremus ambo. 

Nullus sum. 
Filio suo qui innocenti fecit tantam iniuriam. 
Quem quidem hercle ego, in exilium cum iret, 

redduxi domum ; 
nam ibat exulatum. 

An abiit ? 

Etiam loquere, larva ? 
temperare istac aetate istis decebat artibus, 
Fateor, deliqui profecto. 

Etiam loquere, larua ? ^ 
itidem ut tempus anni, aetatem aliam aliud factum 

condecet ; 
nam si istuc ius est, senecta aetate scortari senes, 
ubi locist res summa nostra publica ? 

Ei, perii miser. 
Adulescentes rei agendae isti magis solent operam 

dare, 
lam obsecro hercle vobis habete cum porcis, cum 

fiscina. 
Redde illi. 

Sibi habeat, iam ut volt per me sibi habeat licet. 
Temper! edepol, quoniam ut aliter facias non est 

copia. 
Supplici sibi sumat quid volt ipse ob banc iniuriam, 
modo pacem faciatis ore, ut ne mihi iratus siet. 

^ Leo brackets following v. , 983* : 

vacuom esse istac ted aetata his decebat noxiis. 



MERCATOR 

So that was wliy you purchased her, young lover ? 

Eh, old boy ? 

[laughbig) A good point, by Jove ! Keep it up^ 

lad, I'll station myself on the other side of him ! 

{doing so) Let's both give him a good load of the 

language he deserves ! 

{aside) It's all over with me ! 

To have done such an injury to his own innocent 

son ! 

Heavens, yes ! and a son whom I brought back 

liome when he was going into exile ! For that's 

where he was bound ! 

{nnxiously) He hasn't gone? 

Silence, you scarecrow ! A man of your years 

ought to curb those tricks ! 

{hinnhly) I admit it, yes, yes, I did wrong I 

Silence, you scarecrow ! ^ Men's seasons, like the 

year's, should have their different uses ; why, if 

that's the proper thing — for oldsters to occupy 

their old age with affairs of gallantry — what'll 

become of our affairs of state ? 

Oh dear me ! This is awful ! 

That sort of thing is more commonly attended to 

by the young fellows. 

{desperate) Oh, now for God's sake, take her for 

yourselves, litter, food-basket and all ! 

Give her back to him. 

Let him have her, he can have her now to his 

heart's content, for all I care ! 

Timely of you, I must say, now that you have no 

chance to do otherwise. 

He can punish me just as he pleases for this 

injury, only do make my peace with him, I beg 

^ V. 983a. : A man of your years ought to keep away 
from such vices. 

III. I 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

si hercle scivissem sive adeo ioculo dixisset mihi, 
se illani amare, numquam facerem ut illam amanti 

abducerem. 
Eutyche, ted oro, sodalis eius es^ serva et subveni : 
liunc senem para ^ clientem ; memorem dices 
benefici. 
Lys. Ora ut ignoscat delictis tuis atque adulescentiae. 
Dem. Pergin tu autem ? heia, superbe invehere. spero 
ego mihi quoque 
tempus tale eventurum, ut tibi gratiam referam 
parem. 
Lys. Missas iam ego istas artis feci, 
Dem. Et quidem ego dehinc iam. 

Eut. Nihil agis : 

consuetudine animus rursus te hue inducet. 
Dem. ObsecrOj 

satis iam ut habeatis. quia loris caedite etiam, si 
lubet. 
Lys. Recte dicis. sed istuc uxor faciet, quom hoc 

resciverit. 
Dem, Nihil opust resciscat, 

E%it. Quid istic ? non resciscet, ne time, 

eamus intro, non utibilest hie locus^ factis tuis, 
dum memoramus, arbitri ut sint qui praetereant 
per vias. 
Dem. Hercle qui tu recte dicis : eadem brevior fabula 

erit. eamus. 
Eld. Hie est intus filius apud nos tuos. 

Deyn. Optumest. iliac per hortum nos domum transi- 

bimus. 
Lys. Eutyche, lianc volo prius rem agi, quam meum 

intro refero pedem. 
Eut. Quid istuc est ? 

^ Leo brackets following me. 
"4 



MERCATOR 

you, and don't let him be angry with me ! Good 

heavens, if 1 had known, or if he had told me even 

jokingly that he was in love with her, I'd never 

have done such a thing as to deprive him of the 

girl he loved. Eutychus, I beseech you — you're 

his chum — save me, stand by me ! Do take an^ 

old fellow under your protection ; you'll say I 

remember a kindness. 

(tittering) Beg him to overlook the vagaries of your 

hot young blood. 

{(tngn/) So you're still keeping it up ? Ugh ! The 

suj)erior way you drop on me ! I only hope I get 

some such opportunity, too, to pay you back in 

your own coin ! 

1 have abandoned such pranks by this time. 

{fervently) And I, too, from this time on I 

[t's no use : long self-indulgence will lead you 

back to them. 

Oh, for heaven's sake, make an end now ! Come 

on, whip me raw, too, if you like. 

A happy thought ! But your wife will attend to 

that, when she learns about this. 

{quaking) There's no need of her learning I 

{doubtful, then patronizingly) Oh, very well. She 

shan't learn of it, don't be scared. Let's go 

inside : this is not a fit place to discuss your 

doings for the enlightenment of passers-by. 

Yours is the happy thought, I swear ! And that 

will shorten this play, as well. Let's go. 

Your son's inside here with us. 

Excellent ! VV^e'lI go home across the gai-den 

there. 

{nervously) Eutychus, I want this matter settled 

before I set my foot inside again. 

What do you mean ? 

115 
I 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Suam quisque homo rem meminit. responde 
mihi : 
certon scis non suscensei*e mihi tuam matrem ? 

Scio. 
Vide. 

Mea fide. 

Satis habeo. sed quaeso herclC;, etiam vide. 
Non mihi credis ? 

Immo credo, sed tamen metuo miser. 
Eamus intro. 

Immo dicamus senibus legem censeo, 
prius quam abeamus, qua se lege teneant conten- 

tique sint. 
annos gnatus sexaginta qui erit, si qiiem scibimus 
si maritum sive hercle adeo caelibem scortarier, 
cum eo nos hac lege agemus : inscitum arbitra- 

bimur, 
et per nos quidem hercle egebit qui suom prode- 

gerit. I 

neu quisquam posthac prohibeto adulescentem 

filium 
quin amet et scortum ducat, quod bono fiat modo ; 
siquis prohibuerit, plus perdet clam qua si 2)raehi- 

buerit palam. 
haec adeo ut ex hac nocte primum lex teneat 
senes. 
bene valete ; atque, adulescentes, haec si vobis 
lex placet, 
ob senum hercle industriam vos aequom est clare 
plaudere. 



ii6 



MERCATOR 

Everyone thinks of his own concerns. Answer me 
this — do you know for certain your mother isn't 
angry with me ? 
I do. 

[earnestly) Think now ! 
Upon my word. 

I'm . . . satisfied. But . . . oli, for God's sake, 
do think again ! 
You don't believe me ? 

Yes, yes, I believe you, but ... I am awfully 
afraid. 

Lets go inside. 

No ! [to the audience) I move that before we go 
we frame a law for old men to keep and be kept 
by. [foinnally) Whatsoever man, having attained 
his sixtieth year, be he married or — yes, by gad ! 
— be he celibate, shall be known to us to wench, 
with such man we shall deal in accordance with 
this law : we shall deem him a dotard, and we do 
swear, that, so far as in us lies, he who wastes his 
substance shall come to want. Nor is anyone 
hereafter to prevent his youthful son from having 
love affairs and mistresses, within due bounds. 
Such prevention shall cost him more privily than 
would open provision of the funds required. And 
furthermore, old men are to be subject to this law 
from this night on. 

Fare ye well. And hark ye, young men, if this 
law please you, for the old men's sake, I swear, 
you should applaud us roundl\\ [exeunt omnes. 



117 



MILES GLORIOSVS 

OR 

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 



ARGVMENTVM I 

Meretricem Athenis Ephesum miles avehit. 
Id dum ero amanti servos nuntiare volt 
Legato peregre, ipsus captust in mari 
Et eidem illi militi dono datust. 
Suom arcessit arum Athenis et forat 
Geminis communem clam pai-ietem in aedibus, 
Licere ut quiret convenire amantibus. 
Oberrans custos hos videt de tegulis. 
Ridiculis autem, quasi sit alia, luditur. 
Itemque impellit militem Palaestrio, 
Omissam faciat concubinam, quando ei 
Senis vicini ciipiat uxor nubere. 
Vitro abeat orat, donat multa. i})se in domo 
Senis prehensus poenas pro moecho luit. 



ARGVMENTVM II 

Meretricem ingenuam deperibat mutuo 
Atheniensis iuvenis ; Naupactum is domo 
legatus abiit. miles in eandem incidit, 
deportat Ephesum invitam. servos Attici, 
ut nuntiaret domino factum, navigat ; 
capitur, donatur illi captus militi, 
J20 



ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (I) 

A soldier carries off a courtesan ^ro^n Athens to 
Ephesus. Her lover's servant, intending to bring 
this news to his master, who is abroad on an 
embassy, is himself captured at sea and given as a 
gift to that same soldier. Having summoned his 
master from Athens, he secretly opens a passage in 
the party wall of the two houses so that the lovers 
may be allowed to meet. The girl's guard sees 
them as he is roaming over the roof. But he is 
hoaxed and humbugged into believing her to be 
another girl. Palaestrio also induces the soldier 
to give up his mistress on the score that the wife 
of the old gentleman next door yearns to marry 
him. The soldier begs the girl to leave him 
voluntarily, and lavishes presents on her. Then 
he himself is caught in the old gentleman's 
house and comes in for punishment as an 
adulterer. 

ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (H) 

A young Athenian and a free-born courtesan 
were madly in love with each other ; but he left 
home on an embassy to Naupactus. A soldier 
falls in with the girl, and against her will carries 
her off to Ephesus. The Athenian's servant sets 
sail to inform his master of this fact ; he is 
captured, however, and as a captive is presented 
to that same soldier. He writes to his master to 

121 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ad eruiiij ut veniret Ephesum, scribit. advolat 
adulescens, atque in proximo devortitur 
apud hospitem paternum. medium parietem 
perfodit servos^ commeatus clanculum K 

qua foret amantum. geminam fingit mulieris 
sororem au^^^se. mox ei dominus aedium 
suam clientam sollicitandum ad militem 
subornat. capitur ille, sperat nuptias, 
dimittit concubinam et moechus vapulat. 

PERSONAE 

PVRGOPOLYNICES MILES 
AuTOTROGVS PARASITVS 
Palaestkio SERVVS 
Periplectomenvs senex 

ScELEDRVS SERVVS 
PniLOCOMASlVM MVLIER 

Plevsicles advlescens 
lvcrio pver 
acrotelevtivm meretrix 

MiLPHIDIPPA ANCILLA 
PvER 

Cario cocvs 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

come to Ephesus. The young fellow flies there, 
and puts up at the house next door with a friend 
of his father. The servant opens up the wall 
between the houses so that the lovers may have 
a private passage way. He pretends that the 
girl's twin sister has come. Then the master of 
the house provides Palaestrio with a protegee of 
his own to cajole the soldier. He is taken in, 
hopes to marry, dismisses his mistress, and is 
flogged as an adulterer. 



DRAMATIS PERSONAE 

PvRGOPOLYNiCES, rt soldisr. 
Artotrogus, his parasite. 
Palaestrio, slave of Pleiisicles, 
Periplectomenus, an old gentlemaii of Ephesus. 
ScEi.EDRUs, slave of Pyrgopolynices. 
Philocomasium, a girl abducted by Pi/rgopoli/»ices. 
Pleusicles, a young Athenian. 
LucRio, slave of Pyrgopohjniccs. 
AcROTELEUTiuM, « courtesuti. 
Mii.phidippa, her maid. 
A Slave Boy, belonging to Periplectomenus. 
Cario, Penplectomenus s cook. 



123 



TITUS/ MACCIUS PLAUTUS 



ACTVS I 

Pi'/rg. Curate ut splendor meo sit clupeo clarior 

quam solis radii esse olini quom sudumst solent, 
ut, ubi usus veniat, contra conserta manu 
praestringat oeulorum aoiem in acie hostibus. 
nam ego banc macbaeram mibi consolari volo, 
ne lanaentetur neve animum despondeat, 
quia se lam pridem feriatam gestitem, 
quae misera gestit fartem^ facere ex bostibus. 
sed ubi Artotrogus bic est ? 

Art. Stat pi'opter virum 

fortf m atque fortunatum et forma regia ; 
turn bellatoi'em — Mars baud ausit dice're 
neque aequiperare suas virtutes ad tuas. 

Pyrg. Quemne ego servavi in campis Curcuboniis, 
ubi Bumbomachides Clutomistaridysarcbides 
erat imperator summus, Neptuni nepos ? 

Art. Memini. nempe ilium dicis cum armis aureis, 
cuius tu legiones difflavisti spiritu, 
quasi ventus folia aut paniculum tectorium. 

Pyrg. Istuc quidem edepol nibil est. 

^ fartem Skutsch : gestitet fratrem CDB-, 
124 



THE BRAOaAKi WARRIOR 

Scene : — Ephesus. A street in w/iirh are the adjoining 
houses of Pyrgopolynices and Periplectomenus. 



ACT I 

ENTER Pl/rgopoll/nices ttKOU HIS HOUSE, ATTENDED BY 

Artotrogus and orderlies, the latter carrying a 

TREMENDOUS SHIELD. 

opolynices (to orderlies, as he struts back and forth, 
Artotrogus mimicking him at his heels) Mind ye 
make my buckler's sheen outshine the wonted 
radiance of the sun in cloudless sky, that, 
when 'tis needed in the fray, its rays may dazzle 
the array of foes that face me. {contemplating his 
sword) V^erily would I comfort this blade of mine, 
lest he lament and pine at lingering idle by my 
side so long, when he doth long, poor lad, to slash 
to shreds our foemen. (halting) But whereabout 
here is Artotrogus f 

rogus (popping out from behind, with a covert wink at 
the orderlies) Here, sir, beside our hero bold and 
blest and of princely bearing ! While as a 
warrior — Mars would not presume to call himself 
your peer, or match his powers with yours. 
(suhUmchj reminiscent) Who was the wight I suc- 
coured at Weevil Field, where the commander in 
chief was Battleboomski Mightimercenarimuddle- 
kin, the grandson of Neptune } 
I remember, sir. Of course you mean that one 
with the golden armour whose legions you puffed 
away with a breath, much as the wind does with 
leaves, or a thatch roof ? 
Oh, a mere nothing, that, really I 

125 




TITUS MACCreapJFLAUTUS 



■ Nihil hercle hoc quidenist 
praeut alia dicam — quapp tu numquam feceris. 
periuriorem hoc homin(N]ft ri guis viderit 
aut gloriarum pleniorem qjam illic est, 
ine sibi habeto, ego me inancupio dabo ; 
nisi unum, epityruin estur iusanum bene. 
Vbi tu es ? 

Eccum. edepol vel elephanto in India, 
quo pacto ei pugno praefregisti bi:acchium. 
Quid, bracchium ? 

Illud dicere volui, femur. 
A I indiligenter iceram. 

Pol si quidem 
conisus esses, per corium, per viscera 
perque os elephanti transmineret bracchium. 
Nolo istaec hie nunc. 

Ne hercle operae pretium quidemst 
mihi te narrare tuas qui virtutes sciam. 
venter creat omnis hasce aerumnas : auribus 
peraurienda sunt, ne dentes dentiant, 
et adsentandunist quidquid hie mentibitur. 
Quid illuc quod dico.? 

Ehem, scio iam quid vis dicere. 
factum hercle est, memini fieri. 

Quid id est? 

Quidquid est. 
Habes — 

Tabellas vis rogare ? habeo, et stilum. 



126 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Begad, sir! It really was a mere nothing com- 
pared with other deeds I could mention — {aside) 
tliat you never did. {to audience, disgustedli/, as the 
soldier stalks magnificently about) If anyone ever saw 
a bigger liar and more colossal bi-aggart than this 
fellow, he can have me for his own with full legal 
rights, {rejlectively) But there's one thing about 
it — his olive compote does make elegant eating. 
{turning, expecting to find Artotrogus at his heels) 
Where are you .'' 

{^hopping over behind him) Here, sir ! And that 
elephant in India, for instance ! My word, sir ! 
How vour fist did smash his forearm to flinders ! 
Eh? "^Arm? 

His foreleg, I should say, sir. 
'Twas but a careless tap. 

Lord, yes, sir I If you had really made an effort, 
your arm would have clean transperforated the 
beast, hide, flesh, bone, and all. 
Enough now of these trifles. 

Bless your soul, sir, it really isn't worth while to 
recount your daring deeds to me who know of 
them, {to audience, as Pyrgopolynices resumes his 
parade) It's my belly brings all these afflictions on 
me — I must 'ear him through with my ears, or my 
teeth will have nothing to teethe on. I've got to 
agree to any lie he tells. 
{meditatively) What was I about to say? 
Aha, sir ! I know what it was already ! By 
Jove, sir, so you did ! I remember you did ! 
Did what ? 
{somewhat embarrassed) Er — whatever you did, sir. 

Have you 

Waiting tablets, sir? Is that what you want ? I 
have, sir, and a stilus, too. {shows them). 

127 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Facete advortis tuom auimum ad animum meum. 
Novisse mores tuos me meditate decet 
curataque adhibere, ut praeolat mihi quod tu velis. 
Ecquid meministi ? 

Memini : centum in Cilicia 
et quinquaginta, centum in Scytholatronia^ 
triginta Sardos, sexaginta Macedones 
^sunt homines quos tu occidisti uno die. 
Quanta istaec hominum summast? 

Septem milia. 
Tantum esse oportet. recte rationem tenes. 
At nullos habeo scriptos : sic memini tamen. 
Edepol memoria es optuma. 

Offae monent. 
Dum tale facies quale adhuc, assiduo edes, 
communicabo semper te mensa mea. 
Quid in Cappadocia, ubi tu quingentos simul, 
ni hebes machaera foret^ uno ictu occideras ? 
At peditastelli quia erant, sivi viverent. 
Quid tibi ego dicam, quod omnes mortales sciunt, 
Pyrgopolynicem te unum in terra vivere 
virtute et forma et factis invictissumum ? 
amant ted omnes mulieres, neque iniuria, 
qui sis tam pulcher; vel illae quae here pallio 
me reprehenderunt. 

1 Corrupt (Leo) : omnes Studemund. 

128 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

(graciously) Thou art expert in fitting thy mind 

to mine. 

It behooves me to study and understand your 

ways, sir, and to take care to scent your wishes 

before you speak. 

{with clearly assumed indifference) So you remember, 

eh.? 

Indeed I do, sir. [calculating) One hundred and 

fifty in CiHcia .... a hundred in ... . 

Jugotheevia .... thirty Sardians sixty 

Macedonians — that's the list of the men you slew 
in a single day, sir. 
The sum total being what ? 
Seven thousand, sir. 

[reflecting) Yes, it should come to that. Your 
computation is correct. 

I have none of it written down, either, sir. Even 
so, I remember, just the same. 
Upon my soul, you have a splendid memory. 
[aside) Victuals jog it. 

Provided you conduct yourself as hitherto, you shall 
eat incessantly, and always share my table with me. 
[reinvigorated) And how about that time in Cappa- 
docia, sir, when you would have slain five hundred 
men all at one stroke, if your sword had not been 
dull? 

Ah, well, they were but beggarly infantry fellows, 
so I let them live. 

Why should I tell you, sir, what the whole world 
knows — that you are the one and only Pyrgo- 
polynices on earth, peerless in valour, in aspect, 
and in doughty deeds.? All the women love you, 
sir, and you can't blame them, when you're so 
handsome. Those girls, for instance, that caught 
me from behind by the cloak, only yesterday. 

129 



TiTUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pyrg. Quid eae dixerunt tibi ? 

Art. Rogitabant : "hicine Achilles est?" inquit mihi. 

"inimo eius frater " inquam "est." ibi illarum 

altera 
"ergo mecastor pulcher est" inquit mihi 
*^et liberalis. vide caesaries quam decet. 
ne illae sunt fortunatae quae cum isto cubant." 

Pyrg. Itane aibant tandem ? 

Art. Quaen me ambae obsecraverint, 

ut te hodie quasi pompam ilia praeterducerem ? 

Pyrg. Nimiast miseria nimis pulchrum esse hominem. 

Art. Immo itast. 

molestae sunt : orant, ambiunt, exobsecrant 
videre ut liceat, ad sese arcessi iubent, 
ut tuo non liceat dare operam negotio. 

Pyrg. Videtur tempus esse, ut eamus ad forum, 
ut in tabellis quos consignavi hie heri 
latrones, ibus denumerem stipendium. 
nam rex Seleucus me opere oravit maxumo, 
ut sibi latrones cogerem et conscriberem. 
regi hunc diem mihi ojieram decretumst dare. 

Art. Age eamus ergo. 

Pyrg. Sequimini, sateUites. 

ACTVS II 

Pal. Mihi ad enarrandum hoc argumentum est comitas, 
si ad auscultandum vosti'a erit benignitas ; 



130 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

(with laborious unconcern) What did they say to 

you? 

They kept asking about you, sir. " Is he 

Achilles ? " says one of 'em. " No, his brother," 

says I. "^ Goodness gracious ! That's why he's 

such a fine, handsome gentleman," says the other 

one. "Just see what lovely hair he has. My! 

but the girls that cuddle him are lucky ! " 

{giving his cloak a rakish hilch) So they really said 

that, eh ? 

Well, sir, didn't the both of them implore me to 

lead you past there to-day, just as if you were a 

parade ? 

{trying to yawn) It really is such an affliction to be 

so handsome. 

Yes, indeed, sir. The women are a nuisance, 

with their teasing, soliciting, exsupplicating me 

to let 'em see you, and sending for me so much 

that I can't attend to your affairs, sir. 

{tvith an effort) Well, it seems to be time for us to 

go to the forum, so that I may pay the recruits 

whom I enlisted here yesterday. King Seleucus, 

you know, begged me most urgently to raise and 

enrol recruits for him. I have determined to 

devote this day to obliging the king. 

Come, then, sir, let us be going. 

{to orderlies) Attend me, minions I {sweeps off, 

Arlotrogus and the orderlies mimicking his stately 

pace). 

ACT II 

ENTEii Palaestrio from the house of Pyrgopolynices. 

trio {to audience, pompously) I intend to do you the 
courtesy of outlining the plot of this play, if you 
will do me the kindness of listening. However, 

131 
K 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

qui autem auscultare nolet, exsurgat foras, 
ut sit ubi sedeat ille qui auscultare volt, 
nunc qua adsedistis causa in festivo loco, 
comoediai quam nos acturi sumus 
et argumentum et nomen vobis eloquar. 
Alazon Graece huic nomen est comoediae, 
id nos Latine gloriosum dicimus. 
hoc oppidum Ephesust ; illest miles meus erus, 
qui hinc ad forum abiit, gloriosus, impudens, 
stercoreusj plenus periuri atque adulteri. 
ait sese ultro omnis niulieres sectarier : 
is deridiculost, quaqua incedit, omnibus, 
itaque hie meretrices, labiis duni ductant eum, 
maiorem partem videas valgis saviis. 

nam ego hau diu apud hunc servitutem servio ; 
id volo vos scire, quo modo ad hunc devenerim 
in servitutem ab eo cui servivi prius. 
date operam, nam nunc argumentum exordiar. 

erat erus Athenis mihi adulescens optumus ; 
is amabat meretricem acre ^ Athenis Atticis, 
et ilia ilium contra ; qui est amor cultu optumus. 
is publice legatus Naupactum fuit 
magnai rei publicai gratia, 
interibi hie miles forte Athenas advenit, 
insinuat sese ad illam amicam eri ; - 
occepit eius matri suppalparier 
vino, ornamentis opiparisque obsoniis, 
itaque intimum ibi se miles apud lenam facit. 
ubi primum evenit militi huic occasio, 
sublinit os illi lenae, matri mulieris, 
quam erus meus amabat ; nam is illius filiam 

^ acre Tyrrell : matre MSS. 

* Corrupt (Leo) : (nieiy eri Lindsaj'. 



132 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

he who does not care to listen may arise and 
leave, so that there may be a seat for him who 
does, (pauses, with a glare ready for fugitives) 
Now as to the reason for your assembling in this 
place of mirth, I shall acquaint you with the 
plot and name of the comedy we are about to 
act. The Greek name of this comedy is Alazon, 
a word which we translate as Braggart. This 
town is Ephesus. That soldier who left here for 
the forum is my master, a bragging, brazen, 
stercoraceous fellow, full of lies and lecliery. He 
says that all the women insist on running after 
him. The fact is, wherever he struts, he is the 
laughing-stock of them all. VVhy, the harlots 
here make such faces at him, that most of them, 
you can see, have bowlegged lips, (tries to laugh 
contagiously) 

Now I have not been serving long in his service, 
myself; and I want you to know how I came 
to be his servant and left my former service. 
Attention, please, for now I begin with the plot. 

I had a master at Athens, a splendid young 
gentleman. He was madly in love with a cour- 
tesan in Athens, Athens in Attica, and she with 
him — which is the sweetest kind of love affair to 
have. Now he was sent as a j)ublic commissioner 
to Naupactus on a matter of public importance. 
This soldier, meanwhile, chancing to come to 
Athens, wormed his way into an acquaintance 
with that mistress of my master, and began to 
wheedle her mother with his wine and gewgaws 
and costly catering, till he got to be on very good 
terms with the old bawd there. But the moment 
his chance came our soldier played a game on 
the bawd — the motherof the girl my master loved 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

conicit in navem miles clam matrem suam, 
eamque hue invitam mulierem in Ephesum advehit. 

ul)i amicam erilem Athenis avectam scio, 
ego quantum vivos possum mihi navem paro, 
inscendo, ut eam rem Naupactum ad erum nuntiem. 
ubi sumus provecti in altum, fit quod di volunt, 
capiunt praedones navem illam ubi vectus fui : 
prius perii quam ad erum veni, quo ire occeperam. 

ille qui me cepit dat me huic dono militi. 
hie postquam in aedis me ad se deduxit domum, 
video illam amicam erilem, Athenis quae fuit. 
ubi contra aspexit me, oculis mihi signum dedit, 
ne se appellai-em ; deinde, postquam occasio est, 
conqueritur mecum mulier foi-tunas suas : 
ait sese Athenas fugere cupere ex hac domu, 
sese ilium amare meum erum, Athenis qui fuit, 
neque peius quemquam odisse quam istum militem. 

ego quoniam inspexi mulieris sententiam, 
cepi tabellas, consignavi, clanculum 
dedi mercatori cuidam, qui ad ilium deferat 
meum erum, qui Athenis fuerat, qui hanc amaverat, 
ut is hue veniret. is non sprevit nuntiuni ; 
nam et venit et is in proximo hie devertitur 
apud suom paternum hospitem, lejndum senem ; 
isque illi amanti suo hospiti morem gerit 
nosque opera consilioque adhortatur, iuvat. 
itaque ego paravi hie intus magnas machinas, 
qui amantis una inter se facerem convenas. 
nam unum conclave, concubinae quod dedit 
miles, quo nemo nisi eapse inferrct pedem, 
in eo conclavi ego perfodi parietem, 



134 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

— by spiriting away her daughter, clapping her 
aboard ship, and carrying her off to Ephesus here 
against her will. 

As for me, when I learned my master's mistress 
had been carried away from Athens, I got me a 
ship as fast as I knew how, and embai'ked to take 
the news to my master at Naupactus. Once out 
at sea, the gods saw fit for pirates to capture the 
ship that carried me. There I was, dished, 
before I had reached the master I was bound for ! 

My captor made this soldier a present of me. 
On being taken to his house by him, whom did I 
see but that sweetheart of master's who had been 
at Athens ! When she spied me in front of her, 
she signalled ntie with her eyes not to speak her 
name ; and then, when a chance came, she told me 
how unhappy she was, saying she longed to escape 
from this house to A^tUcns, loving that man who 
had been "^y master at Athens as she did, and 
loa*lung no one worse than that soldier. 

When I perceived how she felt, I got some 
tablets, sealed a letter, and gave it on the sly to 
a certain merchant to carry to that master of mine 
who had lived at Athens and loved her, so as to 
get him here. The message was not disregarded 
by him, for here he is, and in this house next 
door, too, {poinling) stopping with a friend of his 
father's, a delightful old gentleman, who is 
seconding his guest in his love affair and giving us 
every encouragement and help in word and deed. 
In consequence, I have got up a splendid scheme 
inside here for letting the lovers meet and be 
together. You see the soldier gave his girl one 
room in which no one but herself was to set foot, 
and I dug a hole through the wall of this room, so 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

qua commeatus clam esset hinc hue mulieri ; 
et sene sciente-bee^e^ : is consilium dedit. 

nam meus bojise rvos^st homo baud magni preti, 
quern concubinaelmTes custodem addidit. 
ei nos facetis fabricis et doctis dolis 
glaucumam ob oculos obiciemus eumque ita 
faciemus ut quod viderit ne viderit. 
et mox ne erretis, haec duarum hodie vicem 
suam et hinc et illinc mulier feret imaginem, 
atque eadem erit, verum alia esse adsimulabitur. 
ita sublinetur os custodi mulieris. 
sed foris concrepuit hinc a vicino sene ; 
ipse exit : hie illest lepidus queni dixi senex. 



II. 2. 

Per. Ni hercle difFregeritis talos posthac r/uemque in 

tegulis 
videritis alienum, ego vostra faciam latera loreju 
mi equidem iam arbitVi vicini sunt, meae quid fiat 

domi, 
ita per impluvium intro spectant. nunc adeo 

edico omnibus : 
quemque a milite hoc videritis hominem in nostris 

teguliSj 
extra unum Palaestrionem, hue deturbatote in 

viam. 
quod ille gallinam aut columbam se' sectari aut 

simi.'mi 
dicat, disperiistis ni usque ad mortem male mul- 

cassitis. 
atque adeo ut ne legi fraudem faciant aleariae, 
adcuratote ut sine talis domi agitent convivium. 



136 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

providing a secret passage for her from this house 
(point htg) into that one. And this with the old 
gentleman's knowledge — in fact, at his suggestion. 
Now, the fellow-servant of mine that the soldier 
set on guard over the girl is no good at all. What 
with our clever hocus-pocus and canny flimflam, 
we shall throw dust iri his eyes and make him fail 
to see what he does see. And just to keep you 
from confusion later on, this girl {poiniing to the 
soldier's house) will soon take the parts of two girls, 
appearing as one from this house, and one from 
{pointitig to the house of Feriplectomenns) that — the 
same girl, mind you, but pretending to be another 
one. That is how her guard will be made game 
of. (listening and looking) But I hear a noise at 
our old neighbour's door ! He is coming out, 
himself {to audience) This is that delightful old 
gentleman I was speaking of. {steps aside) 

le 2. ENTEtt Periphclovienus from his house. 

plectomenus {to slaves within) By the Lord, if after this 
you don't break the legs of every outsider you see 
on our roof, I'll make rawhide of your ribs ! The 
idea of my neighbours witnessing what goes on. in 
my house by looking in through the skylight in 
that way ! Now mark my words, all of you ! 
Whoever you see from that soldier's house on our 
roof, with the one exception of Palaestrio, pitch 
him off into the street ! And as for his saying 
he's chasing a hen, or a dove, or a monkey 
— ^)'ou're dead men, if you don't cudgel him till 
he's a corpse. And furthermore, just to keep 
them from breaking the Dicing Act, see to it that 
when they give a party there's not a set of bones 



amongst 'em ! 



137 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Nescio quid malefactum a nostra hie faniiliast, 

qiiantiim audio ; 
ita hie senex talos elidi iussit conservis nieis ; 
sed me excepit : nihili facio, quid ilHs faeiat 

ceteris, 
adgrediar homincm. 

Estne advorsum hie qui advenit Palaestrio ? 
Quid agiSj Periplectomeiie ? 

Hau multos homines, si optandum foret, 1' 
nunc videre et convenire quam te mavellem. 

Quid est? 
quid tumultuas cum nostra familia? 

Occisi sumus. 
Quid negotist? 

Res palamst. 

Quae res palamst ? 

De tegulis 
modo nescio quis inspectavit vestrum faniiliarium 
per nostrum impluvium intus apud nos Philocoin- 

asium atque hosjiitem 
osculantis. 

Quis homo id vidit ? 

Tuos conservos. 

Quis is liomost ? 
Nescio, ita abripuit repente sese subito. 

Suspicor 
me pcriisse. 

Vbi abit, conclamo : " heus quid agis 
tu " inquam " in tegulis ? " 
ille niihi abiens ita respondit "se sectari simiam." 
V'ae mihi misero, quoi pereundumst propter nihili 

bestiam. ]| 

sed Philocomasium hicine etiam nunc est ? 

Quom exibam, hie erat. 



138 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

(aside) Someone from our house has been up to 
some mischief or other^ I take it, since our old 
friend commands 'em to crush my fellow-servants' 
bones. He excepted me, though. Little I care 
what he does to the rest of 'em. I'll up to him. 
(udvances) 

(seeing him) Isn't that Palaestrio coming towards 
me .'' 

Ho«' goes it, Periplectomenus, sir ? 
There aren't many men I had rather see and meet 
now than you, if I had my choice. 
What's tlie matter.'' What are you squabbling 
with our people for, sir ? 

We're done for ! ipi^. 

What's the trouble .'' ' 

It's all out. 
Wliat's all out .? 

Someone or other from your hou: ., .jU. iiow 
looked in from the roof through oujssiig^ight and 
saw Philocomasium and my gue»k<- inside'' here 
kissing each other. a) 'm' 'iJ5„aol 

Who was it saw them ? ' ' ■ 

A fellow-servant of yours. 
Who was he ? utuJ" 

I don't know. He darted ofFlilte a shot, all of a 
sudden. 

(drybj) Methinks I am done for I 
I yelled at him as he went. "Hey!" says I, 
" What are you doing on the roof.^" "Chasing 
a monkey," says he, and disappears. 
It's danuied hard luck to see myself done for all 
on account of a w orthless beast ! But Philoco- 
masium — is she still here? (^j)oinli7ig to Periplecfo- 
menus's hoits^) 
She was when 1 came out. 

139 




TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

I sis, iube transire hue quantum possit, se ut 

videant domi 
familiares, nisi quidem ilia nos volt, qui servi sumus, 
propter amorem suom omnes erucibus contuber- 

nales dari. 
Dixi ego istue ; nisi quid aliud vis. 

Volo. hoc ei dicito : 
})rofecto ut ne quoquam de ingenio degrediatur 

muliebri 
earumque arteni et disciplinam optineat colere. 

Quem ad niodum ? 
^Vt eum^ qui hie se vidit, verbis vincat, ne is se 

viderit. 
*«ftjH»idem centiens hie visa sit, tamen infitias eat. 
OS habet, Knguani, perfidiam, malitiarh atque 

audaciam, 
LOiifidentiani, confirmitatem, fraudulentiani. 
qui argtia^'^*, eum contra vincat iureiurando suo : 
domi bal)««^i^inium falsiloquom, falsificum, falsi- 

iurinm, "i^ 
domi doles, domi deknifica facta, domi fallacia* • 
nam mulier'hoiitori numquam supplicat, si quafet 

mala : 
domi habet hortum et condimenta ad omnis morefe 

maleficos. ii^ii Tlo b-!*,'!. 

Ego istaec, si erit hie, nuntiabo. sed quid est, 

Palaestrio, >i;o! 

quod volutas tute tecurwiii corde ? 

Paulisper tace, 
dum ego mihi consilia in animum convoco et dum 

consulo 
quid agam, quem dolum doloso 'cdfltHl' Conservo 

parem, > ' • 

qui illam hie vidit osculantem, id visum ut ne 

visum siet. 

140 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Please go tell her to go over to our house, sir, as 
fast as she can, so that folks there can see that 
she's at home — that is, unless she wants her love 
affair to cause all us slaves to be made Companions 
of the Cross. 

Consider her told. Anything else before I go ? 
Yes, sir. Tell her this — she must be sure not to 
depart one inch from women's ways, but abide 
strictly by their tactics and training. 
How do you mean .' 

So as to persuade the servant that saw her he 
didn't see her. No matter if she were seen here 
a hundred times, she must deny it just the same. 
She's cheeky and glib and crooked, with plenty 
of shrewdness and nerve ; she's full of intrepidity, 
indomitability, fraudulency. If anyone accuses 
her, she's to turn on him and out-swear him. 
She's stocked with smooth talk, smooth tricks, 
and smooth oaths, stocked with wiles, stocked 
with wheedling ways, stocked with humbug. 1 
tell you, sir, a woman never applies to a coster- 
monger, if she's full of the devil ; she has her 
own stock of garden stuff, and all the sauces, 
for dishing up every kind of deviltry 
I'll take this message to her, if she is here, (seeing 
Palaestrio is lost an meditation) But what are you 
communing with yourself about, Palaestrio ? 
Keep still a moment, sir, while I call my wits to 
council and confer as to what to do and how to 
take my turn at tricking that tricky fellow servant 
of mine that saw her kissing here, so as to make 
what was seen unseen. 

141 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quaere : ego hinc abscessero aps te hue interim. 

illuc sis vide, 
quein ad modum adstitit, severo fronte curans 

cogitans. 
pectus digitis pultat, cor credo evocaturust foras ; 
ecce avortit : nixus laevo in femine habet laevani 

manum, 
dextera digitis rationem computat, ferit femur 
dexterum. ita vehementer icit : quod agat aegre 

suppetit. 
concrepuit digitis: laborat ; crebro commutat 

status, 
eccere autem capite nutat : non placet quod 

repperit. 
quidquid est, incoctum non expromet, bene coctum 

dabit. 
ecce autem aedificat : columnam mento suffigit 

suo. 
apage, non placet profecto mi illaec aedificatio ; 
nam os columnatum poetae esse indaudivi barbaro, 
cui bini custodes semper totis horis occubant. 
eugCj euscheme hercle astitit et dulice et comoe- 

dice ; 
numquam hodie quiescet prius quam id quod petit 

perfecerit. 
habet opinor. age si quid agis, vigila, ne somno 

stude, 
nisi quJdem hie agitare mavis varius virgis vigilias. 
tibi ego dico. an heri maduisti ? heus te adloquor, 

Palaestrio : 
vigila inquam, expergiscere inquam, lucet hoc 

inquam. 

^ An allusion to the Roman (barbaro) poet Naevius, 
imprisoned for lampooning the aristocracy. 

* His chainsf 
142 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Tliink it out. I'll step over here in the mean- 
while, {moves aivaij and amusedly watches Palaeslrio 
at /lis gesticulations) Just look at him, how he 
stands there with bent brow, considering and 
cogitating. He's tapping his chest with his 
fingers. Intends to summon forth his intelligence, 
I suppose. Aha I Turns away I Rests his left 
hand on his left thigh, and reckons on the fingers 
of his right hand. Gives his right thigh a smack ! 
A lusty whack — his plan of action is having a 
hard birth. Snaps his fingers ! He's in distress. 
Constantly changes his position ! Look there, 
though ; he's shaking his head — that idea won't 
do ! He won't take it out half baked, whatever 
it is, but give it to us done to a turn. Look, 
though ! (as Palaeslrio rests his chin on his hand) 
He's building— supporting his chin with a pillar. 
None of that ! I don't fancy that sort of building, 
not for a minute. For I happen to have heard 
that a foreign poet^ has a pillared face and a 
couple of custodians 2 always lying on him hour 
after hour, [as Palaestrio takes a new attitude) 
Glorious! A graceful pose, indeed! Just like 
the slaves in the comedies ! Never will he rest 
this day till what he wants is all worked out, 
{Palaestrio suddenly seems illumined) He's got it, I 
do believe ! {aloud, impatiently, as Palaestrio' s 
light seems to fail) If you're going to do anything, 
do it ! Wake up, don't settle down to a snooze — 
that is, unless you prefer to stand watch here 
pummeled to a piece of patchwork. I say, you ! 
You didn't'get drunk yesterday, did you } Hey I 
I'm talking to you, Palaestyio ! Wake up, I tell 
you ! Stir yourself, I tell you ! It's morning, I 
tell you ! 

143 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Audio. 
Viden hostis tibi adesse tuoque tergo obsidium ? 

consule, 
arripe opem auxiliumque ad banc rem : propere 

boc, non placide decet. 
anteveni abqua aut tu aliquosum circumduce 

exercitum, 
coge in obsidium perduellis, nostris praesidium 

para ; 
interclude inimicis commeatum, tibi muni viam 
qua cibatus commeatusque ad te et legiones tuas 
tuto possit pervenire : banc rem age, res subitaria 

est.i 
tu unus si recipere boc ad te dicis, confidentiast 
nos inimicos profligare posse. 

Dico et recipio 
ad me. 

Et ego impetrare dico id quod petis. 

At te lupjiiter 
bene amet. 

Auden participare me quod commentu's .'' 

Tace, 
dum in regionem astutiarum mearum te induce, 

ut scias 
iuxta mecum mea consiUa. 

Salva sumes indidem. 
Erus meus elepbanti corio circumtentust, non suo, 
neque habet plus sapientiai quam lapis. 

Ego istuc scio. 
Nunc sic rationem incipisso, banc instituam as- 
tutiam, 

1 Leo brackets following vv., 226-228 : 
reperi, comminiscere, cedo calidum cotisiliiim cito, 
quae hie sunt visa ut visa ne sint, facta xit facta ne sient. 
magnam illic homo rem incipissit, magna munit moenia. 

144 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

{still preoccupied^ I hear, sir. 

Don't you see that the enemy are upon you and 

endangering your rear ? Lay your plans ! ^ Get 

hold of help and support to meet the crisis. This 

is a time for doing, not dreaming ! Steal a march 

on them in some way, or encircle 'em with your 

army somehow. Aid our men, and ambuscade 

our foemen ! Cut oflT the enemy's supplies, secure 

your line of march so that stores and supplies can 

come to you and your troops in safety. Act ! 

Quick action's called for ! Just you say you'll 

take charge of operations yourself, and I'm 

confident we can overthrow our foes. 

[sublimely) I do say so. I do take charge. 

{clapping him on the hack) And I say you will 

obtain what you want. 

And you, sir, may God bless you ! 

Won't you impart your scheme to me ? 

{magnijiceni) Silence, sir, while I conduct you into 

the purlieus of my machinations, that you may 

know my plans as well as I, 

You shall have them back from me intact. 

Now, sir, my master is circumcompassed with an 

elephant's hide, not a human being's, and he has 

no more sense than a stone. 

I know that, myself. 

Now this is the way I'll work it, sir ; here's the 

machination I'll set agoing. I'll say that Philoco- 

^ Vv. 226-228 : Hit on something, use your wits, come, 
produce some plan of campaign piping hot, so that what's 
been seen will be unseen, and what's done undone, (aside) 
The fellow's at something big. It's a big barricade he's 
building. 

145 
VOL. III. L 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ut Philocomasio hue sororem geminam germanam 

alteram 
dicam Atheiiis advenisse cum amatore aliquo suo, 
tarn similem^ quam lacte lactist ; apud te eos hie 

devortier 
dicam hosjntio. 

Euge euge, lepide, laudo commentum tuom. 
Vt si illic concriminatus sit advorsum mihtem 
meus conservoSj earn vidisse liic cum alieno 

osculaiier, 
eam arguam vidisse apud te contra conservom meum 
cum suo amatore amplexantem atque osculantem. 

Immo 02)tume. 
idem ego dicam, si ex me exquiret miles. 

Sed simillimas 
dicito esse, et Philocomasio id praecipiendum est 

ut sciat, 
ne tituhet, si exquiret ex ea miles. 

Nimis doctum dolum. 
sed si ambas videre in uno miles concilio volet, 
quid agimus ? 

Facilest : trecentae possunt causae conligi : 
"non domist, abiit ambulatum, dormit, ornatur, 

lavat, 
prandet, potat : occupatast, operae non est, non 

potest," 
quantum vis prolationum, dum modo hunc prima via 
inducamus, vera ut esse credat quae mentibimur. 
Placet ut dicis. 

Intro abi ergo, et si isti est mulier, eam lube 
cito domum transire, atque haec ei dice monstra 

praecipe, 
ut teneat consilia nostra^ quem ad modum exorsi 

sumus, 
de gemina sorore. 
146 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

masium's own twin sister has arrived from Athens 

with some lover of hers, and that she and Pliiloeo- 

masium are as much alike as two drops ot milk. 

I'll say they're being entertained at your house 

here. 

Fine ! Fine ! Glorious ! That's a great idea ! 

So if that fellow servant of mine goes to the 

soldier charging her with the fact that he saw 

her kissing a stranger here [indicating Periplecto- 

mcniiss house) I'll rebut him, claiming that the 

fellow saw this sister at your house hugging and 

kissing her own lover. 

Wonderful, wonderful And I'll tell the same 

story, in case the soldier questions me. 

But tell him they're absolutely alike, sir. And 

Philocomasium must be warned, so that she'll 

know about this and not make any slip, in case 

the soldier questions her. 

A very shrewd scheme, indeed ! But if the 

soldier wants to see them both together, what 

then ? 

That's easy, sir. Hundreds of excuses can be 

evolved: — "She's not at home . . . she's out for 

a walk . . . she's asleep . . . dressing . . . bathing 

. . . dining ... at a party . . . she's busy . . . not 

at leisure . . . it's impossible." You can put him 

off in any number of ways, so long as we get him 

started right — believing the lies we tell him. 

Yes, that sounds good. 

Go in, then, sir, and if the girl's there, bid her 

go over home at once. And tell her about this, 

inform and instruct her fully, so that she'll 

understand this plan we're setting on foot, about 

her twin sister. 



147 
l2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Docte tibi ill am perdoctam dabo. 
numquid aliud ? 

Intro ut abeas. 
Abco. 

Et quidem ego ibo domum 
atque lioniinem investigando operani huic dissimu- 

labiliter dabo, 
qui fuerit conservos qui hodie sit sectatus simiam. 
nam ille non potuit quin sermone suo aliquem 

familiarium 
participaverit de arnica eri, sese vidisse earn 
hie in proximo osculantem cum alieno adules- 

centulo. 
novi morem : egomet tacere nequeo solus quod scio. 
si invenio qui vidit, ad eum vineas pluteosque agam : 
res paratast, vi pugnandoque hominem caperest 

certa res. 
si ita non reperio, ibo odorans quasi canis venaticus, 
usque donee persecutus volpem ero vestigiis. 
sed fores crepuerunt nostrae, ego voci moderabor 

meae ; 
nam illic est Philocomasio custos mens conservos 

qui it foi'as. 

Nisi quidem ego liodie ambulavi dormiens in 

tegulis, 
certo edepol scio me vidisse hie proxumae viciniae 
Philocomasium erilem amicam sibi malam rem 

quaerere. 
Hie illam vidit osculantem, quantum hunc audivi 

loqui. 
Quis hie est? 

Tuos conservos. quid agis, Sceledre ? 

Te, Palaestrio, 
volup est convenisse. 
148 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

I'll give you a girl who's coached and coached 
completely. Anything else ? 
Just that you go in^ sir. 

I am going. [exit. 

And I'll go home^ too, and do the old gentleman 
a good turn, surreptitiousfully, by tracking down 
that fellow servant of mine who chased the 
monkey to-day. For he couldn't have helped 
talking and letting someone of the household 
share his news about master's mistress, how he 
saw her and a strange young fellow kissing each 
other here next door. I know their way — " Why. 
I just can't keep a secret all to myself." If 1 
find the chap that saw her, I'll at him with 
mantlet and siege-shed. I'm ready for action, 
determined to take him by storm and assault. 
If I don't discover him in that way, I'll go sniffing 
about like a hound till I've followed the fox up 
by his track, [listeniug) But our door creaked ! 
I must lower my voice. {Seeled rus appears iu the 
doortvay) Aha ! It's my fellow servant, Philoco- 
masium's guard, that's coming out. {steps back) 

e 3. ENTKii Sceledrus, worried and perplexed. 

Now if I wasn't walking on the roof in my sleep 

to-day, I'm positive, positive, by gad, that I did 

see master's mistress, Philocomasium, next door 

here looking for trouble ! 

{in a low tone) He's the chap that saw her kissing, 

from what I heard him say ! 

{hearing a i^oice) Who's that? 

{advaficiiig) Your fellow servant. How goes it, 

Sceledrus ? 

Oh, Palaestrio, I'm awfully glad to meet you ! 

149 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pal. Quid iam ? aut quid negotist ? fac sciam. 

Seel. Metuo — 

Pal. Quid metuis ? 

Seel. Ne hercle liodie, quantum liic familiariumst, 

maxumum in malum cruciatumque insuliamus. 
Pal Tu sail 

solus, nam ego istam insulturam et desulturam nil 
nioror. 
Seel. Nescis tu fortasse, apud nos facinus quod natumst 

novom. 
Pal. Quod id est facinus ? 
Seel. Inipudicum. 

Pal- Tute scias soli tibi, 

mihi ne dixis, scire nolo. 
Seel. Non enim faciam quin scias. 

simiam hodie sum sectatus nostram in horum 
tegulis. 
Pal. Edepol, Sceledre, homo sectatu's nihili nequam 

bestiam. 
Seel. Di te perdant. 

Pal 'I'e istuc aequom — quoniam occepisti, eloqui. 

Seel. Forte fortuna per impluvium hue despexi in 
proxumum, 
atque ego illi aspicio osculantem Philocomasium 

cum altero 
nescio quo adulescente. 

Quod ego, Sceledre, scelus ex te audio .^ 
Profecto vidi. 

Tutin? 

Egomet duobus his oculis meis, 
Abi, non verisimile dicis, neque vidisti. 

Num tibi 
lippus videor ? 
Pal- Medicum istuc tibi meliust percontarier. 

150 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

1 1 ow is that ? What is the matter ? Let me know. 

{looking about cautiously) I'lii afraid 

Afraid of wliat ? 

Oh Lord I That all sorts of trouble and torture 

are what every one of us slaves here is in for 

to-day I 

(coldly) In by yourself, then ! No such innings 

or outings for me ! 

I daresay you don't know about the horrible, 

unheard of thing that has happened at our house. 

What is this horrible thing ? 

It's shameless ! 

V'ou keej) your knowledge quite to yourself ; don't 

tell me ; I do not want to know. 

Well, 1 won't let you not know. I chased our 

monkey to-day on their roof, (jjoiniing to Peri- 

plectomenus' s house) 

(drily) Gdd, Sceledrus, then a useless man chased 

a worthless beast ! 

You be damned ! 

(vigorously) The appropriate thing for you — 

{viildly) is to tell your tale, since you have begun. 

I just happened to happen to look down through 

the skylight into the house next door here, and 

there I spied Philocomasium and some young 

fellow, I don't know who, kissing each other. 

{horri/lcd) Sceledrus I What scandalous tale is 

this ? 

I certainly did see her. 

You yourself.'' 

I myself, with these two ejes of mine. 

Oh, get out I A likely story ! You saw no such 

thing I 

I don't seem blear-eyed to you, do I ? 

A doctor is the proper person to consult about that. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

verum enim tu istam, si te di ament, temere hau 

tollas fabulam : 
tuis nunc cruribus capitique fraudem capitalem 

hinc creas. 
nam tibi iam ut pereas paratum est dupliciter^ nisi 

suppi'imis 
tuom stultiloquium. 

Qui vero dupliciter? 

Dicam tibi. 
primumdum, si falso insimulas Philocomasium, 

hoc perieris ; 
iterum, si id verumst, tu ei custos additus eo 

perieris. 
Quid fuat me^ nescio : haec me vidisse ego certo 

scio. 
Pergin^ infelix ? 

Quid tibi vis dicam nisi quod viderim .'' 
quin etiam nunc intus hie in proxumost. 

Eho an non demist ? 
Vise, abi intro tute, nam ego mi iam nil credi 

postulo. 
Certum est facere. 

Hie te opperiar ; eadem illi insidias dabo, 
quam mox horsuni ad stabulum iuvenix recipiat se 

a pabulo. 
quid ego nunc faciam? custodem me illi miles 

addidit : 
nunc si indicium facio, interii ; si taceo, interii 

tamen, 
si hoc palam fuerit. quid peius muliere aut 

audacius? 
dum ego in tegulis sum, illaec sese ex hospitio 

edit foras ; 
edepol facinus fecit audax. hocine si miles 

sciat, 

152 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

{earnestly) But for the love of Heaven, man, be in 
no hurry to father that fable ! You are hatching 
a fatal affliction for your own heels and head by 
this now. Why, you have made double arrange- 
ments to do for yourself, unless you check your 
silly chatter, 

(alanned) Double ? Really ? How so ? 
(veiy superior) I will tell you how so. In the first 
place, if you accuse Philocomasium falsely, this 
will do for you ; secondly, if it is true, you 
were appointed her guard, and that will do for 
you. 

{doggedbj) What'll become of me, I don't know ; 
I certainly do know that this is what I saw. 
You persist, you poor devil } 

What d'ye want me to tell you, unless what I did 
see ? Why, even now she's in this house next door. 
{excitedly) Hey } She's not at home ? 
Look and see. Go inside, yourself, for I'm not 
asking to be believed in anything, now. 
{making for the door, madly) Just what I will 
do! 

[exit. 
I'll wait for you here. At the same time I'll 
waylay that heifer and see how soon she hies 
herself hitherward from pasture to stall, (rejieding, 
gloomily) What shall I do now } The soldier made 
me her guard. So if I disclose it, I'm a dead man ; 
but if I keep mum, I'm a dead man still, once this 
gets out. Oh, what's wcrse or more audacious 
than a woman ? While I was on the roof, she 
left her quarters and slipped out of doors. Good 
Lord I That was an audacious thing to do ! If 
the soldier should find this out, by heaven, I do 



153 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

credo hercle litis sustollat aedis totas atqiie luinc 

in crucem. 
hei-de quidqiiid est, mussitabo ])otiiis quam in- 

tereani male ; 
lion ego possum quae ipsa sese venditat tutarier. 
Pal. Sceledre, Sceledre, quis homo in terra te alter est 
audacior ? 
quis magis dis inimiris natus quam tu atque iratis? 
Scd. Quid est ? 

Pal. luben tibi oculos exfodiri, quibus id quod nusquam 

est vides ? 
Seel. Quid, nusquam ? 

Pal. Non ego tuam empsim vitam vitiosa nuce. 

Seel. Quid negotist ? 

Pal. Quid negoti sit rogas ? 

Seel. Cur non rogem ? 

Pal. Non tu tibi istam praetruncari linguam largilo- 

quam iubes ? 
Seel. Quam ob rem iubeam ? 

Pal. Philocomasium eccam domi, quam in proxumo 

vidisse aibas te osculantem atque amplexantem 
cum altero. 
Seel. Mirumst lolio victitare te tam vili tritico. 
Pal. Quid iain ? 
Seel. Quia luscitiosu's. 

Pal. Verbero, edepol tu quideni 

caecus, non luscitiosu's. nam ilia quidemcertost ^ 
domi. 
Seel. Quid domi } 
Pal. Domi hercle vero. 

Seel. Abi, ludis me, Palaestrio. 

Pal. Tum niihi sunt manus inquinatae. 

^ Ccrtost Goetz : Leo notes lacuna here. 
^ Darnel being bad for the eyes. 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

believe he'd set up this wliole establishyiient, 
including yours truly^ on a cross I By heaven, 
no matter what it is, I'll keep mum rather than 
die in misery! 1 can't keep watch of a wench 
that's always on the market 

RE-E\TKR Palaestiio. 

(shocked) Sceledrus, Sceledrus, where on earth is 

a more brazen man than you ? Where is a man 

born under a more evil and more ireful star than 

yours ? 

{hlanklii) What's the matter ? 

Just tell someone to gouge out those eyes of 

yours, will you, that see things that never were. 

What? Never were? 

Not a rotten nut would I give for your life. 

{tvorried) What's wrong ? 

You ask what's wrong ? 

Why shouldn't I ask ? v 

Have that twaddling tongue of yours lopped off, 

will vou ? 

Why' so? 

Why, there Philocomasium is, at home I And 

you said you saw her and some man kissing and 

hugging each other next door here ! 

(scornful) It's a wonder you live on darnel ^ when 

wheat comes so cheap. 

What do you mean ? 

Because you're bleary-eyed. 

By gad, you ropesend, it is blind you are, not 

bleary-eyed ! She certainly is at home, I tell you. 

At home, indeed ! 

Yes, by gad, at home ! 

Get out ! You're fooling me, Palaestrio I 

(contemptuous) Then my hands have got dirty. 

155' 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Seel. Qui dum? 

Pal. Quia ludo luto. 

Sccl. Vae capiti tuo. 

Pal. Tuo istuc, Sceledre, promitto fore^ 

nisi oculos orationemque aliam commutas tibi. 
sed fores concrepuerunt nostrae. 
Sccl. At ego ilico observo foris ; 

nam nihil est qua hinc hue transire ea possit nisi 
recto ostio. 
Pal. Quin domi eccam. nescio quae te, Sceledre, 

scelera suscitant. 
Sccl. Mihi ego video, mihi ego sapio, mihi ego credo 
plurumum : 
me homo nemo deterrebit, quin ea sit in his 

aedibus. 
hie obsistam, ne imprudenti hue ea se subrepsit 
mihi. 
Pal. Meus illic homo est, deturbabo iam ego ilium de 
pugnaculis. 
vin iam faciam, ut stultividum esse tu te ^ fateare ? 
Seel. Age face. 

Pal. Neque te quicquam sapere corde neque oculis uti.'' 
Seel. Volo. 

Pal. Nempe tu istic ais esse erilem concubinam ? 
Sccl. Atque arguo. 

eam me vidisse osculantem hie intus cum alieno 
viro. 
Pal. Scin tu nullum commeatum hinc esse a nobis ? 
Sccl. Scio. 

Pal. Neque solarium neque hortum, nisi per impluvium .'' 

^ esse tu te Goetz : Leo notes lacuna here. 
» 156 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

How so ! 

Because I am fooling with filth. 
You be hanged ! 

That will be your fate, Sceledrus, I promise you, 
unless you contrive to change your eyes and 
effusions, (listening) But our door creaked ! 
Well, I'm going to keep watch here on this door, 
(standiyig in front of Peiiplectomenus's house) for 
there's absolutely no way for her to cross from 
here to here (pointing to the soldier's house) except 
straight through the door. 

But look, man, she's at home ! I wonder what 
scoundrelism })ossesses you, Sceledrus ! 
I see for myself, I think for myself, and it's myself 
I trust most. No man alive shall make me believe 
she's not in this house. I'll plant myself here 
(^blocking Peripleclomcnus' s door) so that she won't 
sneak over without my noticing. 
(aside) I've got him I Now I'll hurl him down 
from his ramparts ! (aloud) See here, do you 
want me to make you yourself admit that you are 
fool -eyed ? 

(defiant) Go on, make me. 

And that you have not one scrap of sense or eye- 
sight .'' 
Prove it. 

So 3'ou say master's girl is in there, eh ? 
(kis eyes still glued on the door) Yes, and I claim 
that I saw her and some stranger kissing each 
other inside here. 

You know there is no passage from our house to 
this ? 

I know that. 

And no balcony, no garden, nu way of crossing 
over, except through the skylight? 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Seel. Scio. 

Pal. Quid nunc ? si ea domist, si facio, ut earn exire 
hinc videas doino, 
dignun es verberibus multis ? 
Seel. Dignus. 

Pal. Serva istas fores, 

ne tibi clam se subterducat istinc atque hue 
transeat. 
Seel. Consilium est ita facere. 

Pal. Pede ego iam illam hue tibi sistam in viam. 

Seel. Agedum ergo face. volo scire, utrum egon id 

quod vidi viderim 

an illic faciat, quod facturum dicit, ut ea sit domi. 

nam ego quidem meos oculos habeo nee rogo 

utendos foris. 
sed hie illi subparasitatur semper, hie eae proxu- 

must, 
primus ad cibum vocatur, primo pulmentum datur ; 
nam illic noster est fortasse circiter triennium, 
neque cuiquam quam illi in nostra meliust frimulo 

familia. 
sed ego hoc quod ago, id me agere oportet, hoc 

observare ostium, 
sic obsistam. hac quidem pol certo verba milii 
numquam dabunt. 

II. 4. 

Pal. Praecepta facito ut memineris. 

Phil. Totiens monere mirumst. 

Pal. At metuo ut satis sis subdola. 

Phil. Cedo vel decern, edocebo 

158 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

I know that. 

Well now — if she's at home, if I let you see her 
come out of our house here, do you deserve a good 
hard hidinsj ? 
I do. 

{going toward the house of Pijrgopoh/nices) Watch 
that door, so that she won't slip out froin there on 
the sly and cross to our house. 
Just what I intend to do. 

I shall soon have her standing here before you in 
the street. [exit. 

{alarmed at Palaeslrio's confidence) Well, go on and 
do it, then. I want to know whether I saw what 
I did see, or if he can prove what he says he'll 
j)rove, that she's at home. I tell you what, I've 
got eyes of my own and I'm not asking other 
folks for the loan of any. {(ji/eruloiishj) But this 
chap is for ever currying favour with her ; he's 
her right-hand man, he's first to be called to 
meals, and first to get his belly full. W'hy, it's 
only three years or so, perhaps, that he's been in 
our family, and no servant in master's service has 
a softer time of it. But I must mind what I'm 
about and watch this door. Here's how I'll block 
it. {stands facmg it, legs and aiins outspread) Now, 
by heaven, they'll never fool me, that's sure ! 

r. ENTER Palaestrio and Philocomasinm from 
Pyrgopolyjiices' s house. 

{aside to Philocomasium) See you remember in- 
structions. 

{aside to Palaestrio^ It's a wonder you warn me so 
often. 

Well, I'm afraid you won't be artful enough. 
{smiling) Why, give me even half a score of 

159 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

minime malas ut sint malae, mihi solae quod 
supevfit. 
Pal. Age nunciam insiste in dolos ; ego abs te procul 
recedam, 

quid ais tu, Sceledre ? 
Seel. Hanc rem gero. habeo auris^ loquere quidvis. 

Pal. Credo ego istoc extemplo tibi esse eundum actutum 
extra portam, 

dispessis manibus^ patibulum quom habebis. 
Seel. Quamnam ob rem ? 

Pal. Respice dum ad laevam : quis illaec est mulier? 
Seel. Pro di immortales, 

eri concubinast haec quidem. 
Pal. Mihi quoque pol ita videtur. 

age nunciam, quando lubet — 
Seel. Quid agam ? 

Pal. Perire propera. 

Phil. Vbi iste est bonus servos, qui probri me maxumi 
innocentem 

falso insimulavit ? 
Pal. Em tibi, hie mihi dixit tibi quae dixi. 

Phil. Tun me vidisse in proxumo hie, sceleste, ais 

osculantem ? 
Pal. Atque cum alieno adulescentulo dixit. 
Seel. Dixi hercle vero. 

Phil. Tun me vidisti ? 

Seel. Atque his quidem hercle ocuhs. 

Phil. Carebis, credo, 

qui plus vident quam quod vident. 
Seel. Numquam hercle deterrebor 

quin viderim id quod viderim. 
Phil. Ego stulta et mora multum, 

quae cum hoc insano fabuler, quem pol ego capitis 
perdam. 

1 60 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

perfectly guileless girls, and I'll teach them guile 

with what I have to spare. 

Come then, now's the time to work your dodges. 

I'll drop back a bit. {does so) Well, Sceledrus .'' 

[without moving) I'm at this job. I have ears ; say 

what you want. 

{noting his position) You'll soon have to trudge out 

beyond the gate in that attitude, I take it — arms 

outspread, with your gibbet on your shoulders. 

{still eyei7ig the door) So .'' What for .'' 

Here, man, look to your left ! Who is that lady ? 

{turning, with a start and a gasp) Ye immortal gods ! 

Why . . . it's . . . master's . . . mistress ! 

{dryly) Egad I So it seems to me, too. Come on 

now, when you like 

{shaking) What shall I do ? 

Make haste to meet your end. 

{ivrathfully) Where is that worthy slave who falsely 

accused an innocent woman of such dreadful 

conduct ? 

{^pointing to the dumfounded Sceledrus) There you 

are, ma'am ! He told me what I told you. 

You say you saw me in the next house here 

kissing, you wretch ? 

You and some young sti-anger, so he told me, 

ma'am, (grins maliciously at Sceledrtis) 

{growing stubborn) Yes, by heaven, so I did ! 

You saw me ? Me ? 

Indeed I did, by heaven, and with these eyes ! 

Eyes which you will part with, I warrant, since 

they see more than they^ do see. 

I won't be scared out of having seen what I did 

see, never, by heaven I 

What a silly fool I am to waste my breath on this 

lunatic, who shall be given short shrift, I vow ! 

i6i 

VOL. III. M 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Seel. Noli minitari : scio cruceni futurain mihi sepulcrum ; 
ibi mei sunt maiores siti^ pater, avos, proavos, 

abavos. 
non possunt mihi minaciis tuis hisce oculi exfodiri. 
sed paucis verbis te volo, Palaesti-io. opsecro te, 
unde exit liaec ? 
Pal. Vnde nisi domo ? 

Seel. Domo ? 

Pal. Me viden ? 

Seel. Te video, 

nimis mirumst facinus, quo modo haec liinc hue 

transire potuit ; 
nam certo neque solariumst ajiud nos neque 

hortus ulhis. 
neque fenestra nisi clatrata ; nam certe ego te hie 
intus vidi. 
Pal. Pergin, sceleste, intendere hanc arguere ? 
Phil. Ecastor ergo 

mi hau falsum evenit somnium, quod noctu liac 
somniavi. 
Pal. Quid somniasti ? 

Phil. Ego eloquar. sed amabo advortite animum. 

hac nocte in somnis mea soror geminast germana 

visa 
venisse Athenis in Ephesum cum suo amatore 

quodam ; 
ei ambo hospitio hue in proxumum mihi devortisse 
visi. 
Pal. Palaestrionis somnium narratur. perge porro. 
Phil. Ego laeta visa, quia soror venisset, propter eandem 
suspicionera maximam sum visa sustinere. 
nam arguere in somnis me meus mihi familiaris 

visust, 
me cum alieno adulescentulo, quasi nunc tu, esse 
osculatam, 

162 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Enough of youi" threatening I I know t he cross 
wiU. l>.e-_niy.tonib. There's where my ancestors 
\rest — father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and 
great-great-grandfather. These eyes can't be 
dug out for me by any threats of yours. But I 
want a few words with you, Palaestrio. {draivs 
him aside) For the Lord's sake, where did she 
come from ? 

Where else but from home .^ 
From home ? 

(solicilous) You can see me ? 

(curtly) Yes, I can see you. (pondering) It's 
awfully queer how she could cross from here to 
here ; for we certainly have no balcony, and no 
garden, and no window that isn't grated, (lo 
Philocomasiiivi) 1 certainly did see you inside here. 
Still at it, you scoundrel ? You persist in accusing 
her } 

(in ingetiuous ivondermenl) Goodness me ! Then 
that dream I dreamt last night has come true for 
me ! 

What did you dream, ma'am. 

I'll tell you all about it. But both of you be 
attentive, please. W^ell, last night in my sleep 
my own twin sister seemed to have come from 
Athens to Ephesus with a certain lover of hers ; 
they both seemed to have come on a visit, 
stopping in this house next door. 
(aside) Thus dreamed Palaestrio. (aloud, excitedly) 
Go on, go on ! 

I seemed glad to have my sister come, but owing to 
her [ seemed to be subjected to a perfectly dreadful 
suspicion. For in my dream, it seemed that my 
own servant charged me, me, just as (to Sceledrus, 
resentjully) you are doing, with having kissed some 

163 
M 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

quom ilia osculata mea soror gemina esset suompte 

amicum. 
id me insimulatam perperani falsum esse somni- 

avi. 
Satin eadem vigilanti expetunt quae in somnis visa 

memoras ? 
eu hercle i)raesens spninium. abi intro et com- 

precare. 
narrandum ego istuc militi censebo. 

Facere certum est^ 
neque me quidem patiar probri falso impune in- 
simulatam. 
Timeo quid rerum gesserim, ita dorsus totus 

prurit. 
Scin te periisse ? 

Nunc quidem domi ceito est. certa res est 
nunc nostrum observare ostium, ubi ubist. 

Atj Sceledre, quaeso, 
ut at id exemplum somnium quam simile som- 

niavit 
atque ut tu suspicatus es eam vidisse osculantem. 
Nescio quid credam egomet mihi iam, ita quod 

vidisse credo 
me id iam non vidisse arbitror. 

Ne tu hercle sero, opinor, 
resipisces : si ad erum haec res prius devenerit/ 

peribis pulchre. 
Nunc demum experior, mi ob oculos caliginem 

opstitisse. 
Dudum edepol planum est id quidem, quae hie 

usque fuerit intus. 
Nihil habeo certi quid loquar : non vidi eam, etsi 

vidi. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : " 2}revenit P ut vid." Lindsay. 
164 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

strange young man, when it was that twin sister 
of mine kissing her own lover. This was my 
dream — that I was falsely accused, wrongfully. 
{inuch ivipressed) So on waking, the same things 
befel you that you speak of dreaming about, 
ma'am? Well, well, by Jove! What a pat 
dream ! In with you, ma'am, and pray ! I would 
suggest, ma'am, that you tell the soldier about 
this. 

[emphatically) Indeed I will ; I'll not be falsely 
accused of shameful conduct and (ivUh a vindictive 
glance at Sceledrus) let the insult pass unpunished ! 
[exit into soldier's house. 
{iiside, much ivorried) I'm afraid I've gone and done 
it, the way my whole back itches. 
You realise that you are done for .'' 
[with conviction) Well, now she's at home, for sure. 
[wavering) This much is sure — I'm going to watch 
our door now, wherever she is. [plants himself in 
front of it) 

But upon my soul, Sceledrus, how that dream she 
dreamed did corres})ond to your suspicion that you 
saw her kissing ! 

I don't know what to believe my own self in, now, 
for what I . . . believe I saw, I'm . . . thinking 
now I didn't see. 

Gad, man, I fancy you will be too late in coming 
to ! Once this matter reaches master's ears, you 
are finely finished ! 

Yes, there must have been a mist over my eyes ; 
at last I realise it. 

Lord ! That was evident before — she having been 
inside here all along. 

[scratching his head) I can't say anything for sure. 
I didn't see her, and yet I did. 

165 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Ne tu edepol stultitia tua nos paene perdidisti : 
dum te fidelem facere ero voluisti, absumptu's 

paene. 
sed fores vicini proxumi crepuerunt. conticiscani. 



Inde ignem in aram, ut Ephesiae Dianae laeta 

laudes 
gratesque agam eique ut Arabico fumificem odore 

amoene, 
quom me in locis Neptuniis templisque turbulentis 
servavit, saevis fluctibus ubi sum adflictata multum. 
Palaestrio, o Palaestrio. 

O Sceledre, Sceledre, quid vis ? 
Haec mulier, quae hinc exit raodo, estne erilis 

concubina 
Philocomasium, an non est ea ? 

Hercle opinor, ea videtur, 
sed facinus mirum est, quo modo haec hinc hue 

transire potuit, 
si quidem east. 

An dubium tibi est earn esse hanc ? 

Ea videtur. 
Adeamus, appcllemus. heus, quid istuc est, 

Philocomasium ? 
quid tibi istic in istisce aedibus debetur, quid 

negotist ? 
quid nunc taces ? tecum loquor. 

Immo edepol tute tecum ; 
nam haec nil respondet. 

Te adloquor, viti probrique plena, 
quae circum vicinos vagas, 
1 66 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Man alive I You surely sent us all to smash, 
almost, by your stupidity. Your -wanting to show 
yourself master's faithful servant has almost been 
your ruination. (Iisle7iwg) But our neighbour's 
door creaked ! No more now ! 

5. ENTER Philocomas'mm from Periplectomemis s house. 

{in an arti/icial voice, to servant within) Put fire upon 

the altar that 1 may give glad praise and thanks 

to Ephesian Diana and offer her the grateful 

odour of Arabian incense, since she saved me in 

Neptune's realm and blustering abode where I was 

so buffeted about by the angry billows. 

{who has been listening and staring at her) Palaestrio ! 

Oh, Palaestrio ! 

{mivnckijig him) Oh, Sceledrus, Sceledrus ! What 

d'ye want? 

This woman {pointing) just coming out from here — 

is she master's mistress, Philocomasium, or isn't 

she? 

{looking at her, amazed) By Jove, I think so ! She 

seems to be ! But it's a marvel how she could 

pass from here {pointing) to here, if it really is she ! 

You don't doubt her being our girl, surely ? 

{cautious) She seems to be. 

Let's go up and hail her I {advancing) Hey there ! 

What does this mean, Philocomasium ? What 

right have you in that house ? What's your 

business there? What are you silent for? I'm 

talking to you. 

{hanging hack) Gad, no I To yourself; for she 

makes no reply. 

{glaring at her) It's you I'm talking to, you 

shameless slut, roaming about amongst our 

neighbours. 

167 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Phil. Quicum tu fabulare ? 

Seel. Quicum nisi tecum ? 

Phil. Quis tu homo es, aut mecum quid est negoti ? 

Seel. Me rogas homo qui sim ? 

Phil. Quin ego hoc rogem quod nesciam ? 

Pal. Quis ego sum igitur^ si hunc ignoras ? 

Phil. Mihi odiosus, quisquis es, 

et tu et hie. 
Seel. Noil nos novisti ? 

Phil. Neutrum. 

Seel. Metuo maxume. 

Pal. Quid metuis ? 
Seel. Enim ne nos nosmet perdiderimus uspiam ; 

nam nee te neque me novisse ait haec. 
Pal. Persectari hie volo, 

Sceledre, nos nostri an alieni simus^ ne dum 
quispiam 

nos vicinorum imprudentis aliquis immutaverit. 
Seel. Certe equidem noster sum. 
Pal. Et pol ego. quaeris tu, mulier, malum. 

tibi ego dico, heus, Philocomasium. 
Phil. Quae te intemperiae tenent, 

qui me perperam perplexo nomine appelles .'' 
Pal. Eho, 

quis igitur vocare ? 
Phil. Diceae riomen est. 

Seel. Iniuria es, 

falsum nomen possidere, Philocomasium, postulas ; 

aSiKos es tu, non hiKaia, et meo ero facis iniuriam. 

i68 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

[ivilh chill composure) To whom are you babbling, 

sir? 

To you — who else ? 

And who are you, sir, or what is your business 

with me ? 

You ask me who I am ? 

Why should I not ask what I do not know ? 

Who am I, then, if you don't recognize him ? 

[surveying him frigidly) An annoyance to me, sir, 

whoever you are — you and he, both. 

You don't know us ? 

Neither of you. [walks away) 

[to Palaestrio aside, nervously) I'm frightfully 

afraid 

Afraid of what ? 

Why, that we've lost our identity somewhere ; for 

this woman says she doesn't know you, or me, 

either. 

[earnestly) Sceledrus, I want to investigate here 

and now whether we are ourselves or other people. 

W^hy, maybe some neighbour has transformed us 

meanwhile without our knowing it. 

[after cogitation) I am certainly myself, anyhow. 

[looking himself over) And so am I, by Jove ! [to 

Philocomasium, severely) Madam, you're looking for 

trouble ! [she pays no atiefition) I say, you ! 

Hey ! Philocomasium ! 

[indignant) Sir, what sort of fit have you got, to 

address me so absurdly by a coined name? 

[open-moidhed) Eh ? Eh ? What is your name, 

then ? 

Dicea. 

You false creature, trying to trump up a name for 
^ yourself, Philocomasium ! It's Lie-cea you are, 
Inot Dicea, and you're playing false by my master ! 

169 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Egone ? 
Tune 

Quae heri Athenis Ephesum adveni vesperi 
cum meo amatore^ adulescente Atheniensi ? 

Die mihi, i 
quid hie tibi in Epheso est negoti ? 

Geminam germanam meam 
hie sororem esse indaudivi^ earn veni quaesitum. 

Mala es. 
Immo ecastor stulta multum, quae vobiscum 

fabuler. 
abeo. 

Abire non sinam te. 

Mitte. 

Manifestaria es. 
non omitto. 

At iam ci'cpabunt mihi manus^ malae tibi, 
nisi me omittis. 

Quid, malum, astas ? quin tenes altrinsecus ? 
Nil moror negotiosum mi esse tergum. qui scio 
an ista non sit Philocomasium atque alia eius 

similis sit ? 
Mittis me an non mittis ? 

Immo vi atque invitam ingratiis, 
nisi voluntate ibis, rapiam te domum. 

Hosticum hoc mihi A 
domicilium est, Athenis domus est Atticis ; ego 

istam domum 
neque moror neque vos qui homines sitis novi 

neque scio. 
Lege agito : te nusquam mittam, nisi das firmatam 

fidem, 
170 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

I? 

Yes, you. 

When I arrived at Ephesus from Athens just last 

evening with tlie Athenian gentleman who loves 

me? 

{more respeclful) Tell me this, ma'am — what are 

you doing here in Ephesus ? 

I heard it rumoured that my own twin sister was 

here, and I came to look for her. 

You're a bad one I 

[disdainfidhj) Oh, no, merely a very silly one, 

goodness me, yes ! to be chattering with you two ! 

[turns aivm/) I am going. 

(seisi?ig her) I won't let you go ! 

{slnigglivg) Let me loose I 

You're caught in the act ! I won't let you loose ! 

Well, my hands and your face will soon smack, 

unless you do let me loose ! (slaps him) 

{lo Paloeslrio, avgr'dy) What the devil are you 

standing by for ? VVhy don't you grab her on the 

other side ? 

(jvarily) I have no desire to get my back into 

difficulties. How do I know but that she is not 

Philocomasium, and only someone else that looks 

like her? 

Will you let me loose, or not? 

No ! And unless you go home willingly, I'll use 

force and drag you 1 ome despite you, willy nilly ! 

This {indicating Periplectomenus' s house) is my home 

while I am abroad here ; and my real home is at 

Athens in Attica. As for that home of yours, I 

want nothing to do with it, and with you men I 

have not the slightest acquaintance. 

[tightening his grip) Go to law about it . I shan't 

let you loose at all, unless I have your word of 

171 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

te hue, si omisero, intro ituram. 
Phil. Vi me cogis, quisquis es. 

do fidem, si omittis, isto me intro ituram quo iubes. 
Seel. Ecce omitto. 
Phil. At ego abeo missa. 

Seel. Muliebri fecit fide. 

Pal. Seeled re, manibus amisisti praedam. tam east 
quam potis 

nostra erilis concubina. vin tu facere hoc strenue ? 
Seel. Quid faciam ? 

Phil. Ecfer mihi macliaeram hue intus. 

Seel. Quid facies ea ? 

Pal. Intro rumpam recta in aedis : quemque hie intus 
videro 

cum Philoeomasio osculantem, eum ego obtruncabo 
extempulo. 
Seel. Visanest ea esse ? 

Pal. Immo edejiol plane east. 

Seel. Sed quo modo 

dissimulabat. 
Pal. Abi, machaeram hue ecfer. 

Seel. lam faxo hie erit. 

Pal. Neque eques neque pedes profectost quisquam 
tanta audaeia, 

qui aeque faciat confidenter quicquam quam mulier 
facit. 

ut utrubique orationem docte divisit suam, 

ut sublinitur os custodi cauto, eonservo meo. 

nimis beat quod commeatus transtinet trans 
parietem. 
Seel. HeuSj Palaestrio, machaera nihil opust. 

172 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

honour that you'll go inside here, {indicating the 

soldier's house) if 1 do. 

{struggling again) This is violence, sir, whoever you 

are ! {subsiding) Well, I give you my word to go 

inside there, where you say, if you let me loose. 

[releasing her) There I Loose you are ! 

{darting into Peripledomenus' s door) Well, now that 

I am let go, I'm — going ! {slams the door) 

{bilterli/) Kept her word like a woman ! 

You let your prize slip through your fingers, 

Sceledrus ! She is our master's girl, sure as can 

be. {rejiecting, then ferociously) D'ye want to handle 

this like a man of spirit ? 

{cautioiishj) What shall I do ? 

{more ferocious) Go in here and get me a sabre ! 

What'll you do with it ? 

{beside himself) I'll burst headlong into the house ! 

And whomsoever here within I see Philcomasium 

kissing, I'll slay him on the spot ! ■ 

{dubious) So you think it was she ? 

Think .'' No, by heaven ! 'Twas plainly she ! 

But how she did pretend ! 

Be off! Bring me a sabre ! 

{badly frightened) Yes, yes, in a minute ! 

[exit into Pyrgopohpiices" s house. 
{chuckling) There's certainly no one, cavalry or 
infantry, audacious enough to do a thing as coolly 
as a woman does it. The skilful way she did get 
off the lines of both parts ! And my fellow servant, 
that wary watchman — the ass she made of him ! 
Oh, it's glorious — that passage perforating the wall ! 

RE-ENTER Sceledrus, with mixed emotions. 

{awkwardly) I say, Palaestrio, there's no need of a 
sabre. 

173 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quid iani, aut quid est ? 
Domi eccam erilein coiicubinam. 

Quid domi ? 

In lecto cubat. 
Edepol ne tu tibi malam rem repperisti, ut 
praedicas. 
Seel. Quid iam ? 
Pal. Quia banc attingere ausu's mulierem bine 

ex proxumo. 
Seel. Magis bercle metuo. 

Pal. Sad numquam quisquam faciet quin soror 

istaec sit gemina buius : eam pol tu osculantem 
bic videras. 
Seel. Id quidem palam est eam esse^ ut dicis ; quid 
propius fuit, 
quam ut perirem, si elocutus essem ero? 
Pal. Ergo, si sapis, 

mussitabis : plus oportet scire servom quam loqui, 
ego abeo a te, ne quid tecum consili commisceam, 
atque apud bunc ero vicinum ; tuae mibi turbae 

non placent. 
ei'us si veniet, si me quaeret, bic ero : bine me 
arcessito. 
II. 6. 
Seel. Satin abiit ille neque erile negotium 

plus curatj quasi non servitutem serviat? 
certo ilia quidem bic nunc intus est in aedibus, 
nam egomet cubantem eam modo ofFendi domi. 
certum est nunc observationi operam dare. 
Per. non bercle bisce bomines me marem, sed feminam 
vicini rentur esse servi militis : 

174 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

How is that? What is the matter ? 
There she is — master's mistress — at home ! 
At home, indeed ! 
Lying on her couch ! 

Good Lord ! You surely have made a mess for 
yourself, from what you tell me. 
How so ? 

By daring to lay hands on the lady from next 
door here. 

(glurn) Oh Lord ! I'm awfully afraid I have ! 
But no one can ever make her anything but our 
girl's twin sister. Yes, by gad, it was her you 
saw kissing here. 

You're right, it's clear enough she was the one. 
Oh ! wasn't I within an inch of being done for, 
if I'd told master? 

(very coMltj) Well then, if you are wise, you will 
keep mum. A servant ought to know more than 
he tells. I am going to leave you, so as not to 
be at all mixed up in your manoeuvres, and drop 
in at our neighbour's here. This muddle of yours 
likes me not. If master comes and wants me, 
here is where I shall be ; come here and get me. 
[exit into Pe7ipleciome7ius's house. 
6. 

[sullenly) So the fellow's gone, eh, and pays no 
more attention to master's affairs than if he wasn't 
slaving it in slavery ? Well, our wench is surely 
in the house here now, for I myself just now 
found her on her couch at home. Now I'll get 
down to my watchman's work, that's sure. 

ENTER Penpleciomeniis, fuming, from his house. 

By the Lord, these fellows take me for a female, 
not a man, these servants of the soldier next door 

175 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ita me ludificant. meamne hie invitam hospitam, 
quae heri hue Athenis cum hospite advenit meo, 
tractatam et ludificatam^ ingenuam et liberam ? 
Peril hercle, hie ad me recta habet rectam viam. 
metuOj illaec mihi res ne malo magno fuat, 
quantum hunc audivi facere verborum senem. 
Accedam ad hominem. tun, Sceledre, hie, scele- 

rum caput, 
meam ludificavisti hospitam ante aedis modo ? 
Vicine, ausculta quaeso. 

Ego auscultem tibi ? 
Expurigare volo me. 

Tun te expuriges, 
qui faeinus tantum tamque indignum feceris ? 
an quia latrocinamini, arbitramini 
quidvis licere facere vobis, verbero ? 
Licetne ? 

At ita me di deaeque omnis anient, 
nisi mihi supplicium virgeum de te datur 
longum diutinumque, a mane ad vesperum, 
quod meas confregisti imbricis et tegulas, 
ibi dum condignam te sectatu's simiam, 
quodque inde inspeetavisti meum apudme hospitem 
amplexum amicam, quom osculabatur, suam, 
quodque concubinam erilem insimulare ausus es 
probri pudicam meque summi flagiti, 
tum quod tx'actavisti hospitam ante aedis meam : 
nisi mihi suppHcium stimuleum de te datur, 
dedecoris pleniorem erum faciam tuom, 
quam magno vento plenumst undarum mare. 

176 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

— the way they trifle with me ! A lady that I am 
entertaining, who came liere from Athens yester- 
day with my guest, to be bandied about and 
made game of, willy nilly ? A free and freeborn 
lady ! {co7hcs toward soldier's house) 
(aside, in terror) Oh Lord, I'm done for ! He's 
making straight for me, straight ! I'm afraid I've 
got into a frightful fix by this affair, from what I 
heard the old fellow say ! 

(aside) I'll up to him ! (aloud, violently) Hey, 
Sceledrus ! You fount of scoundrelism, are you 
the man that made game of my guest here in 
front of my house just now ? 
(cringing) Good neighbour, listen, I beg you ! 
I listen to you ? 
I want to clear myself, sir. 

You clear yourself, after such a deed, such a 
\ despicable deed? Just because you people are 
\'- soldiers of fortune, d'ye fancy you may do what- 
ever you like, you whipping-post ? 
(humbly) May I speak, sir ? 

But so help me all the powei-s above, if I am not 
given the punishment of you by a good long 
thrashing, lasting from dawn till dusk, for having 
smashed my gutters and tiles when you chased 
that monkey that matches yourself, and for having 
spied from there on my guest in my house em- 
bracing and kissing his own sweetheart, and for 
having dared to charge that pure-minded mistress 
of your master's M'ith immodesty and me with 
unspeakable infamy, and, finally, for having man- 
handled my guest before my house — if I am not 
given the punishment of you at the end of a 
knout, your master shall be covered with more 
disgrace than the sea with Avaves in a hurricane ! 

177 
VOL. in. N 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Seel, Ita sum coactus,^Periplectomene, ut nesciam 

utrum me expostulare priu' i tecum aequiust — 

nisi si istaec non est haec neque haee istast, mihi 

me expurigare tibi videtur aequius ; 

sicut etiam nunc nescio quid viderim : 

itast ista huius similis nostrai tua, 

siquidem non eadem est. 
Per. Vise ad me intro, iam scies. 

Seel. Licetne ? 

Per. Quin te iubeo ; et placide noscita. 

Seel. Ita facere certum est. 
Per. Heus, Philocomasium, cito 

transcurre curriculo ad nos, ita negotiumst. 

post, quando exierit Sceledrus a nobis, cito 

transcurrito ad vos rursum curriculo domum. 

nunc pol ego metuo ne quid infuseayerit. 

si hie non videbit mulierem — aperitur foris. 
Seel. Pro di immortales, similiorem mulierem 

magisque eandem, ut pote quae non sit eadem, 
non reor 

deos facere posse. 
Per. Quid nunc ? 

Seel. Commerui malum. 

Per. Quid igitur } eanest .'' 
Sccl. Etsi east, non est ea. 

Per. Vidistin istam ? 
Seel. Vidi, et illam et hospitem, 

complexam atque osculantem. 
Per. Eanest ? 

Seel. Nescio. 

^ expostulare Ritschl : pos'ulare MSS : priu tecum aequiust 
Lindsay : prius tecum aequiosit, or aequomst P. 
178 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

{in a palhelic slate) I'm brought to such a pass, sir, 

that I don't know whether I ought first to argue 

the matter out with you ; unless, if that one isn't 

this one or this one isn't that one, you think I 

ouglit to apologize, instead. I mean I don't know 

even now, sir, what I did see } that lady of yours 

is so like ours, supposing she's not the same one, 

sir. 

Go into my house and look. You soon will know. 

May I, sir? 

May.'' I command you. And look her over at 

your leisure. 

(gratefully) Indeed I will, sir. [exit. 

{calling at the soldier's door) He}^, Philocomasium ! 

Quick ! Run a race over to our house ! It's 

imperative ! Then when Sceledrus has gone, 

quick, run another race to your house ! (aside) 

Heavens ! Now I'm afraid she'll make a mull of 

it. If he doesn't see the wench here (listening) 

the door's opening. 

RE-ENTER Sceledrus. 

Ye immortal gods ! One woman more like another, 

and more the same, considering she's not the same, 

I don't believe the gods themselves can make ! 

What now } 

I've earned a thrashing, sir. 

Well, then.'' Is she this one? {/vaimig toward the 

soldier's house) 

She is, and yet she isn't, sir. 

But you saw that one ? 

I saw . . . her and your guest, sir, and she was 

hugging and kissing him. 

But is she this one ? 

I don't know, sir. 

179 

N 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Per. Vin scire plane ? 

Sccl. Cu})io. 

Per. Abi intro ad vos donuim 

conlinuo, vide sitne istaec vostra intus. 
Seel. Licet, 

pulchre admonuisti. iam ego ad te exibo foras. 
Per. Numquani edepol hominem qiiemquam ludificarier 

magis facete vidi et magis miris modis. 

sed eccum egreditur. 
Seel. Periplectomene, te opsecro 

per deos atque homines perque stultitiam meam 

perque tua genua — 
Per. Quid opsecras me ? 

Seel. Inscitiae 

meae et stultitiae ignoscas. nunc demum scio 

me fuisse excordem, caecum, incogitabilem. 

nam Pliilocomasium eccam intus. 
Per. Quid nunc, furcifer ? 

vidistin ambas ? 
Seel. Vidi. 

Per. Erum exhibeas volo. 

Seel. Meruisse equidem me maxumuin fateor malum, 

et tuae fecisse me hospitae aio iniuriam ; 

sed meam esse erileni concubinam censui, 

cui me custodem erus addidit miles meus. 

nam ex uno puteo similior numquam potis 

aqua aquai sumi quam haec est atque ista hospita. 

et me despexe ad te per impluvium tuom 

fateor. 
Per. Quid ni fateare, ego quod viderim ? 

et ibi osculantem meum hospitem cum ista hospita 

vidisti ? 

i8o 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Do you want to know for sui'e ? 

Oh, but I do, sir ! 

Well, go into your own house this minute and see 

if that girl of yours is there. 

[happUij] So I will, sir. That's a fine suggestion. 

I'll be back with you directly, sir. [exit. 

(laughing) Bless my soul ! I never did see anyone 

more neatly and more amazingly mystified, [as 

the door opens) Ah, but here he comes ! 

RE-E\TEU Sceledrus, very miserable. 

{grovelling at Periplectomenus s feet) Sir, I beseech 
you by gods and men, and by my own stupidity, 

and by your knees 

(coldhj) Why do you beseech me ? 

To pardon my senselessness and stupidity, sir. 

Now at last I realize I've been a blind, brainless 

blockhead. Why, there's Philocomasium inside, 

sir ! 

Well now, you gallowsbird ? You have seen 'em 

both, eh .'' 

Yes, sir. 

[sternly) You will please produce your master. 

I admit I deserve an awful thrashing, sir, indeed I 

do, and acknowledge that I did your lady guest an 

injury ; but I mistook her for master's mistress 

who was put in my charge, sir, by my master, the 

soldier. For, sir, you couldn't draw two drops of 

water from the same well more like each other 

than she's like that guest- of yours, sir. And I 

admit I peeped down through the skylight into 

your house, too, sir. 

Admit it, indeed ! When I saw you do it ! And 

there you saw my guests kissing each other, 

eh } 

i8i 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Seel. \'idi (cur negem quod viderirn ?), 

sed Philocomasium me vidisse censui. 
Per. Ratun istic me hominem esse omnium minimi preti^ 

si ego me sciente paterer vicino meo 

eam fieri apud me tarn insignite iniuriam? 
Seel. Nunc demum a me insipienter factum esse arbitror, 

cum rem eognosco ; at non malitiose tamen 

feci. 
Per. Immo indigne ; nam hominem servom suos 

domitos habere oportet oculos et manus 

orationemque. 
Seel. Egone si post hunc diem 

muttivero^ etiam quod egomet certo sciam, 

dato excruciandum me : egomet me dedam tibi ; 

nunc hoc mi ignosce quaeso. 
Per. V^incam animum meuni, 

ne malitiose factum id esse aps te arbitrer. 

ignoscam tibi istuc. 
Seel. At tibi di faciant bene. 

Per. Ne tu liercle^ si te di anient, linguam comprimes 

posthac, etiam iUud quod scies nesciveris 

nee videris quod videris. 
Seel. Bene me mones, 

ita facere certum est. sed satine oratu's? 
Per. Abi. 

Seel. Numquid nunc aliud me vis ? 
Per. Ne me noveris. 

Seel. Dedit hie mihi verba, cpiam benigne gratiam 

fecit, ne iratus esset. scio quam rem gerat : 

ut miles cum extemplo a foro adveniat domum, 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Yes, sir — why should I deny what I saw ? — but I 

thought it was Philocomasium I saw. 

{/lis vidignaiion rising again) So rating nie as the 

lowest rascal living, then, if I knowingly allowed 

my neighbour to receive such an infamous injury 

in my own liouse ? 

Now at last I do think I've acted like an idiot, 

sir, now that I understand the matter; but just 

the same, sir, I didn't do it maliciously. 

No, presumptuously ! For a beggarly slave ought 

to have his eyes, and hands, and tongue, too, 

under control. 

{fervently) Oh, sir, if after to-day I ever breathe a 

word, even of what I myself know for certain, have 

me tortured ! I'll give myself up to you. Now do 

please pardon me this time. 

{reludantlij) I shall constrain myself to believe 

that you did not do this maliciously. You are 

pardoned. 

Oh, the Lord love you, sir I 

{slill stem) And as for you, by heaven, if the Lord 

is to love you, 3'ou will certainly hold your tongue 

in the future, and not know even what you do 

know, or see what you do see. 

That's good advice, sir, and 1 intend to follow it. 

{worried by Ptriplectomenus' s sternness) But have I 

begged your pardon enough, sir.'' 

(^'•'#.y) Off" with you! 

{solicitously) There's nothing else you want with 

me now, sir } 

{ttii'ning away) Yes — no further acquaintance. 

{aside, sourly) He was bluffing me. How nice and 

kind of him to give up being angry with me I I 

know what he's up to : the minute the soldier 

comes home from the forum, I'm to be nabbed at 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

domi compreliendar. una hie et Palaestrio 
me habent venalem : sensi et iani dudum scio. 
numquam hercle ex ista nassa ego hodie escam 

jietam ; 
nam iam aliquo aufugiam et me occultabo aliquot 

dies, 
dum haec consilescunt turbae atque irae leniunt. 
nam uni satis populo impio merui mali.^ 
Per. lUic liinc abscessit. sat edepol certo scio, 
occisam saepe sapere plus multo suem : 
quoin id adimatur ne id quod vidit viderit. 
nam illius oculi atque aures atque opinio 
transfugere ad nos. usque adhuc actum est probe ; 
nimium festivam mulier operam praehibuit. 
redeo in senatum rusum ; nam Palaestrio 
domi nunc apud me est, Sceledrus nunc autemst 

foris : 
frequens senatus poterit nunc haberier. 
ibo intro, ne, dum absum, alter sorti defuat. 

III. 1. 

Pal. Cohibete intra limen etiam vos parumper, Pleu- 

sicles, 
sinite me prius perspectare, ne uspiam insidiae 

sient 
concilium quod habere volumus. nam opus est 

nunc tuto loco, 
unde inimicus ne quis nostri spolia capiat consili. 
nam bene consultum inconsultum est, si id inimicis 

usuist, 

^ Leo brackets following v. , 5S5 : 
verum tamen de me qxddquid est, ibo hinc domum, 
184 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

home. He and Palaestrio are combining to sell 
me : I felt that, I saw that, some time ago. By gad, 
111 never nibble at the bait in that trap, not I ! 
No indeed, I'll flit somewhere now and lie low for 
a few days while this storm dies down and their 
wrath subsides. For I've earned enough punish- 
ment to do for a whole godless nation.^ [exit. 
{looking after him) He has decamped, {laughing) 
Bless my soul ! I'm positive that a stuck pig 
often has much better brains than that fellow — 
to be diddled out of seeing what he did see ! 
Why, his eyes, ears, and ideas have all deserted 
to our side. So far we have done finely. The 
way that wench romped through her part ! Well, 
I'll return to the senate chamber, Palaestrio now 
being at my house, while Sceledrus is now away. 
Now is our chance for a full session. I'll go in, 
so that by reason of my absence, the second 
member may not miss the drawing for appoint- 
inents.2 [exit into his house. 

ACT III 

ENTER Palaedno from the house of 
Penpleclomcn us. 

(very importanlbj to Pleusicles within) You folks stay 
inside for a few moments more, Pleusic les, and 
let me reconnoitre first, so as to prevent any 
ambuscade of the council we want to hold. For 
we need a safe place now, where no enemy can 
appropriate our plans. A well-laid plan is ill- 
laid, if it helps your enemies, and if it does help 

^ V. 585 : But no matter what comes to me, I'm going 
home, just the same. 
* As in the case of two consuls. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

neque potest quin, si id inimicis usuist^ obsit 

tibi ; 1 
quippe qui, si rescivere inimici consilium tuom, 
tuopte tibi consilio occludunt linguam et constrin- 

gunt manus, 
atque eadem quae illis voluisti facere^ illi faciunt 

tibi. 
sed speculabor^ ne quis aut liinc aut ab laeva aut 

dextera 
nostro consilio venator adsit cum auritis plagis. 
sterilis hinc prospectus usque ad ultumam est 

plateam probe, 
evocabo. heus Periplectomene et PleusicleSj pro- 
gredimini. 
Per. Eece nos tibi oboedientes. 

Pal. Facilest imperium in bonis, 

sed volo scire : eodem consilio^ quod intus meditati 

sum us, 
gerimus rem } 
Per. Magis non potest esse ad rem utibile. 

Pal. Immo- 

quid tibi, Pleusicles.^ 
PL Quodne vobis placeat, displiceat mihi ? 

quis homo sit magis meus quam tu es ? 
Pal. Loquere lepide et commode. 

Per. Pol ita decet hunc facere. 
1*1. At hoc me faciims miserum macerat 

meumque cor corpusque cruciat. 
Per. Quid id est quod cruciat ? cedo. 

PL Me tibi istuc aetatis homini facinora j)uerilia 

obicere, neque te decora neque tuis virtutibus ; 

^ Leo brackets foUo'.ving vv., GQ2-603: 
nam bene consultum consilium surri^nlur sacpismac, 
si minus cuvi cura ant caiUella locus loquendi Uctus est. 

* Leo notes lacuna here : i modo Lindsay. 

1 86 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

them it's bound to hinder you.i Naturally, if 
your enemies have become acquainted with your 
plans, they tie your tongue and bind your hands 
with plans of your own making, and the very 
things you wanted to do to them, they do to 
you. {aside) But I'll spy about and see there's 
no one here, or at the left or right, to pursue our 
})lans with long-eared nets, (inakes an elaborate 
survey of the neighhonrliood) Ah, a beautiful barren 
prospect to the very end of the street 1 I'll call 
'em out. {imperiously) Hey ! Perijilectoiujejius I 
Pleusicles I Come along ! 

ENTER Periplectomenus and Pleusicles. 

{s7iiiliug) Here, sir. Ours to obey ! 

(patroiiisingli/) Good men are easy to command. 

But I wish to know this : are we to carry out tlie 

same plan Ave considered inside ? 

It couldn't be better adapted to our purpose. 

No, but — but what do you think, Pleusicles ? 

Can I be dissatisfied with what satisfies you two } 

Who's more a man after my own heart thazi you 

are f 

Very pleasant and becoming remarks, sir. 

{smiling at Pleusicles) The kind he ought to make, 

by Jove I v 

{to Periplectomenus, apologetically) But, sir, this 

matter does make me awfully miserable ; it's a 

torture to me, soul and body. 

{cheerily) What's a torture to you ? Out with it ! 

For me to be throwing on to you, a man of your 

years, sir, these juvenile concerns so unbefitting 

^ Vv. 002 603: For a well-planned plan is very frequently 
lilehetl, if your place of conference is chosen with in- 
sufficient cure or caution. 

187 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ea te expetere ex opibus summis mei honoris gratia 
mihique amanti ire opitulatum atque ea te facere 

facinora, 
quae istaec aetas fugere facta magis quam sectari 

solet : 
earn pudet me tibi in senecta obicere sollicitudinem. 
Pal. Novo modo tu homo amas^ siquidem te quicquam 
quod faxis pudet ; 
nihil amas, umbra es amantis magis quam amator, 
Pleusicles. 
PL Hancine aetatem exercere mei me amoris gratia ? 

Per. Quid ais tu ? itane tibi ego videor oppido Ache- 
runticus ? 
tam capularis, tamine tibi diu videor vitam vivere ? 
nam equidem baud sum natus annos praeter quin- 

quaginta et quattuor, 
clare oculis video^ pernix sum manibus, pedibus 
mobilis. 
Pal. Si albicapillus hie, videtur neutiquam ab ingenio 
senex, 
inest in hoc emussitata sua sibi ingenua indoles. 
PL Pol id quidem experior ita esse ut praedicas, 

Palaestrio ; 
nam benignitas quidem huius oppido adulescentula 
est. 
Per. Immo^ hospes, magis cum periclum facies, magis 
nosces meam 
comitatem erga te amantem. 
PL Quid opus nota noscere ? 

Per. Vt apud te exemplum experiundi habeas^ ne quae- 
ras foris — • 
nam nisi qui ipse amavit^ aegre amantis ingenium 

inspicit : 
et ego amoris aliquantum habeo umorisque etiam 
in corpore. 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

you and your noble character ; for me to look to 

you to help me with all your might, out of regard 

for me, and to have you aiding me in my -love affair, 

and doing these things that men of your years 

more often shun than seek. I'm ashamed, sir, to 

throw this burden on you in your old age. 

A new kind of lover you are, if you're actually 

ashamed of anything you do ! You are not in 

love, you're no lover, you're only the shadow of a 

lover, Pleusicles ! 

But to harass him, at his age, with my love affair ? 

[a trifle piqued) How is this ? You take me for a 

regular old Death's-he<jd, eh ? So I seem to be 

such coffin contents, eh, to be living such a very 

long life, do I } See here, my lad, I'm not over 

fifty-four, and I'm still keen-sighted, quick-handed, 

and nimble-footed. 

[to Pleusicles, reprovingly) His hair may be white, 

sir, but not a sign of age does he show in spirit. 

He keeps precisely the same noble nature he was 

born with. 

Thats perfectly true, Palaestrio, and, upon my 

soul, I'm proving it. Why, his friendliness is as 

youthful as can be. 

\entirely mollified) A\\, well, my dear boy, the more 

you test me, the more you'll be convinced of my 

good will toward you in your affair. 

What need of conviction when I am convinced, 

sir ? 

I want you to prove it by your own experience, 

not at second hand, {with a knowing air) For 

unless a man has been in love himself, he can 

hardly see inside a lovei"'s heart. Now I, I still 

have some 'fervour and freshness in my carcass. 



189 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

neque dum exarui ex anioeiiis rebus et voluptariis, 

vel cavillatoi' facetus vel conviva commodus 

item ero, neque ego oblocutor sum alteri in con- 

vivio : 
incommoditate abstinere me apud convivas com- 

modo 
commemini et meae orationis iustam partem per- 

sequi 
et meam partem itidem tacere, quom aliena est 

oratio ; 
minime sputator, screator sum, itidem minime 

mucidus : 
post Ephesi sum natus, non enim in Apulis; non 

sum Animulas. 
Pal. O lepidum senem^ in se si quas memorat virtutis 

liabet, 
atque equidem plane educatum in nuti'icatu Ve- 

nerio. 
Per. Plus dabo quam praedicabo ex me venustatis tibi, 
neque ego umquam alienum scortum subigito in 

convivio, 
neque praeripio pulpamentum neque praevorto 

poculum, 
neque per vinum umquam ex me exoritur discidium 

in convivio : 
si quis ibi est odiosus, abeo domum, sermonem 

segrego ; 
Venerem, amorem amoenitatemque accubans ex- 

erceo. 
Pal. Tui quidem edepol omnis mores ad venustatem 

valent ; ^ 
cedo tris mi hominis aurichalco contra cum istis 

moribus. 
PI. At quidem illuc aetatis qui sit non invenies alte- 

rum 

190 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

I'm not yet dried up for all that charms and 
ravishes. You'll find I can crack a good joke, 
too, or prove a tactful guest at table, and not one 
of those contrariwisers of another guest. Tact- 
lessness at table is a thing I tax my memory to 
avoid. I take my fair share of talking, and my 
share of silence, too, when someone else has the 
floor. I'm none of your spitting, hawking, snifliing 
fellows, either, not I. In short, sir, I was born in 
Ephesus, not in Apulia ; I'm no Animulian^i 
[lo Pleusicles 7vith patient enthusiasm) Ah, sir, what 
a delightful old gentleman he is, if he has all 
those virtues he speaks of! It's perfectly plain 
that he was nursed and reared by the Graces. 
[nmch pleased) And you will find me better at 
showing my graciousness than at making a show 
of it. {jvarming up again) I never make free with 
another guest's girl at a party, or ajjpropriate 
the titbits, or grab the loving cup out of turn, or 
start a quarrel over the wine at a party, not I, 
never! If anyone there annoys me, I take myself 
home, cut off the conversation. Atjtable I go in 
for graciousness, love, and gladsomeness. 
By gad, sir, all your ways are bound to beget 
graciousness. Show me three such men, and I'll 
pay their weight in gold ^ for 'em. 
But not one other man of his age can you find 

^ Ani inula was a small town in Apulia. 
^ Aurichalcum (orichalciim) "mountain copper" fre- 
quently = anvum in Plautus. 

^ Tui — valent Camerarius : tu — vacct B. 



\y 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

lepidiorem ad oninis res nee qui amicus amico sit 

magis. 
Per. Tate nie ut fateare faciam esse adulescentem 

moribus, 
ita apud omnis comparebo tibi res bene factis 

frequens. 
opusne erit tibi advocate tristi, iracundo ? ecce 

me ; 
opusne leni? leniorem dices quam mutum est 

mare, 
liquidiusculusque ero quam ventus est favonius. 
vel hilarissimum convivam hinc indidem expro- 

mam tibi, 
vel primarium jiarasitum atque obsonatorem optu- 

mum ; 
turn ad saltandum non cinaedus malacus aequest 

atque ego. 
Pal. Quid ad illas artis optassis, si optio eveniat tibi ? 
PI. Huius pro meritis ut referri pariter possit gratia, 

tibique, quibus nunc me esse experior summae 

sollicitudini. 
at tibi tanto sumptui esse mihi molestumst. 
Per. Morus es. 

nam in mala uxore atque inimico si quid sumas, 

sumptus est, 
in bono hospite atque amico quaestus est quod 

sumitur 
et quod in divinis rebus sumptumst, sapienti 

lucrumst. 
deum virtute est te unde hospitio accipiam apud 

me comiter : 
es, bibe, animo obsequere mecum atque onera te 

hilaritudine. 
liberae sunt aedis, liber sum autem ego : mei volo 

vivere. 

192 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

more completely delightful, or more a friend to 
his friend. 

[basking in their praise) I'll make you admit your- 
self that I'm still a young fellow in my ways, I'll 
show myself so brimful of kindnesses to you in 
every situation. D'ye need a legal counsellor, 
severe and fiery .^ Behold me ! [illusLrales) Or 
one of mild demeanour.'' You'll pronounce me 
milder than the silent sea, and I'll be dulceter 
than a zephyr. And from the self-same source 
(lapping his chest) I'll produce for you the gayest 
of dinner guests, or a peerless parasite, yes, and 
an incomparable caterer. And as for dancing, 
there's no professional [pirouetting) can step it so 
seductively as I./^ 

[to Pleusicles, hiding an urirvilling yawn) With all 
those talents, sir, what more would you choose, if 
a choice were given you } 

[earnestly) The power to show sufficient gratitude 
to balance his deserts and yours, to both of whom 
I'm clearly an object of such solicitude, [to 
Periplectomenus) But, sir, it troubles me to put you 
to all this expense. 

[clapping him on the shoulder) Silly lad ! Why, if 
you spend anything on a bad wife and an enemy, 
that's expense ; money spent on a good guest and 
friend is money made, and money spent on 
divine worship a wise man counts clear gain. 
Thank God, I have the means to entertain you in 
my home agreeably ; eat, drink, do as you please 
in my company, and enjoy yourself to the full. 
This is Liberty Hall, and I have my own liberty, 
too. I like to live my own life. Why — thank 



193 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

nam mihi, deum virtute dicain, propter divitias 

meas 
licuit uxorem dotatam genere summo ducere ; 
sed nolo mi oblatratricem in aedis intro mittere. 
Pal. Cur non vis ? nam procreare liberos lepidumst 

onus. 
Per. Hercle vero liberum esse tete, id multo lepidiust. 
Pal. Tu homo et alteri sapienter potis es consulere et 

tibi. 
Per. Nam bona uxor suave ductust, si sit usquam 

gentium 
ubi ea possit inveniri ; verum egone eam ducam 

domum, 
quae mihi numquam hoc dicat " eme, mi vir, 

lanam, unde tibi pallium 
malacum et calidum conficiatur tunicaeque hibernae 

bonae, 
ne algeas hac hieme " (hoc numquam verbum ex 

uxore audias), 
verum prius quam galli cantent quae me e somno 

suscitet, 
dicat "da, mi vir, kalendis meam qui matrem 

munerem, 
da qui faciam condimenta,^ da quod dem quin- 

quatribus 
praecantrici, coniectrici, hariolae atque haruspicae ; 
flagitiumst, si nil mittetur quae supercilio spicit ; 
tum plicatricem clementer non potest quin mune- 

rem ; 
iam pridem, quia nihil abstulerit, suscenset ceri- 

aria ; 
tum opstetrix expostulavit mecum, parum missum 

sibi; 

* condimenta Ritschl : condi atdan CD. 
194 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

God I may say so — I'm a rich man and could 
have taken a wife of wealth and station ; but I 
have no desire to admit a she-yapper into my 
house. 

Why not, sir? Getting children is a delightful 
duty, you know. 

I'll take oath that getting the joys of freedom is 
much more delightful. 

You, sir, are a man who can give good counsel to 
another, and to yourself, as well, v 
Yes, yes, it's all very pleasant to marry a good 
wife — if there were any spot on earth where you 
could find one ; but am I to bring home a woman 
who'd never say to me : " Husband mine, do buy 
me some wool to make a soft, warm cloak for you, 
and some nice, heavy tunics so that you won't be 
cold this winter." Nothing like that would you 
ever hear from a Avife, but before cockcrow she'd 
wake me up with : " Husband mine, give me 
some money for a present for mother at the 
Matrons' Festival ^ ; give me some money to make 
preserves ; give me some money to give to the 
sorceress at the festival of Minerva,^ and to the 
dream interpreter, and the clairvoyant and the 
soothsayer. It's a shame if I don't send some- 
thing to that woman that tells your fortune from 
your eyebrows. And then the modiste — I must 
tip her, in common decency. And, oh, for ever so 
long the cateress has been angry at getting 
nothing. The midwife, too — she protested to me 

^ Celebrated by matrons, in honour of Mars, on March 
1st. 

' The Quinquatrus Maiores, held from March 19tli to 
23rd. 

195 
o 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

quid ? nutrici non missuru's quicquam, quae vernas 

alit?" 
haec atque horum similia alia damna niulta muli- 

erum 
me uxore prohibent, mihi quae huius similes ser- 

mones serat. 
Di tibi propitii sunt^ nam hercle si istam semel 

amiseris 
libertatem, baud facile in eundem rusum restitues 

locum. 
At ilia laus est, magno in genere et in divitiis 

maxumis 
liberos bominem educare, generi monumentum et 

sibi. 
Quando babeo multos cognatos, quid opus est mibi 

liberis ? 
nunc bene vivo et fortunate atque ut volo atque 

animo ut lubet. 
mea bona in morte cognatis didam, inter eos 

partiam.^ 
prius quam lucet adsunt, rogitant noctu ut som- 

num ceperim.2 
sacrificant : dant inde partem mibi maiorem quam 

sibi, 
abducunt ad exta ; me ad se ad prandium, ad 

cenam vocant ; 
ille miserrumum se retur, minimum qui misit mibi. 
illi inter se certant donis, egomet mecum mussito : 
bona mea inbiant, me certatim nutricant et mune- 

rant. 

% 

^ Leo brackets following v. , 708 : 
ei aptid me aderunt, me curabunt, visent quid agam, ecquid 
velim. 

• Leo brackets following v., 710 : 
cos pro liberis habebo, qui mihi mittunt munera. 

196 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

for sending her so little. What ? Will you send 
nothing to the nurse that cares for the slaves born 
under your own roof? " These ruinous outlays of 
the women, and a lot more like 'em, keep me 
from taking a wife to torment me with talk like 
that. 

The gods are kind to you, sir, for, by gad, once 
you let go of that liberty of yours, you won't 
readily restore it to its old place. 
But it's a praiseworthy thing, sir, for a man of a 
great family, and of very great wealth, to rear 
children as a memorial to his family and himself. 
Seeing I have plenty of relatives, what do I need 
of children ? As it is, I live comfortably and 
happily, doing as I like and indulging my in- 
clinations. My property, at my death, goes to 
my relatives, to be shared amongst 'em. ^ {chuck- 
ling) They're at my house before daybreak, asking 
if I passed a restful night.^ They offer sacrifice, 
and give me a larger part of it than they give 
themselves ; they take me to the sacrificial feast ; 
they invite me to their houses to lunch, to dinner ; 
the most depressed man amongst 'em is the one 
that has sent me least. VVhy, they're all in an 
endowment competition — and I murmuring to 
myself: "It's my property they're gaping for, 
but it's me they're competing to support and 
endow." 

^ V. 708 : They will be at my house, look after me, come 
to see how I'm doing, if there's anything I want. 

* V. 710 : I'll have for children those people who send 
me presents. 

197 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pal. Nimis bona ratione nimiumque ad te te et tuam 

vitam liabes : 
et tibi sunt gemini et trigemini^ si te bene habes, 

filii. 
Per. Pol si habuissem, satis cepissem miseriarum e 

liberis : 
continuo excruciarer animi : si ei forte fuisset 

febris, 
censereni emori ; cecidissetve ebrius aut de equo 

uspiaui, 
metuerem ne ibi difFregisset crura aut cervices sibi. 
Pal. Huic homini dignum est divitias esse et diu vitam 

dari, 
qui et rem servat et se bene habet suisque amicis 

usui est. 
PL O lepidum caput. ita me di deaeque ament, 

aequom fuit 
deos paravisse, uno exemplo ne omnes vitam 

viverent ; 
sicut merci pretium statuit qui est probus agora- 

nomus : 
quae probast raers, pretium ei statuit, pro virtute 

ut veneat, 
quae improbast, pro mercis vitio dominum pretio 

pauperat, 
itidem divos dispertisse vitam humanam aequom 

fuit: 
qui lepide ingeniatus esset, vitam ei longinquam 

darent, 
qui improbi essent et scelesti, is adimerent ani- 

mam cito. 
si hoc paravissent, et homines essent minus multi 

mali 
et minus audacter scelesta facerent facta, et postea, 
qui homines probi essent, esset is annona vilior. 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Ah, sir, you know what's what, all right, and how 
to enjoy life !^ If you enjoy yourself, why, that's 
as good as twins or triplets. 

Heavens ! If I had had children, misery enough 
they'd have brought me ! I should be in torment 
directly. If my son happened to have a fever, I'd 
think he was dying ; or if he had got drunk and 
had a fall, or been thrown from his horse some- 
where, I'd be afraid it had broken his legs or neck 
for him. "^ 

{to Pleusicles) Here, sir, is a man that merits his 
money and many a long year of life ; he keeps an 
eye on his property, enjoys himself, and benefits 
his friends, v 

A perfectly delightful creature ! So help me 
Heaven, the gods should have provided that we 
shouldn't all live lives allotted on the same 
principle. Just as a good market-inspector fixes 
the price of merchandise — fixing such a price on 
the good merchandise as to make it sell according 
to its merits, and paring down the owner's price on 
the bad according to its demerits — that's the way 
the gods should have allotted human life. The_ 
man ofd eli^htful characteristics <^hn^^ld hp granted 
a ^ong life, while wicked scoundrels should be 
made to give up the ghost with despatch . If 
they had so provided, bad men would be less 
abundant, and would do their scolindrelly deeds 
less boldly, and furthermore, for the good man 
the cost of living would come down. 

199 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Per. Qui deoriim corisilia culpet, stultus inscitusque 

sit, 
quique eos vituperet. nunc istis rebus desisti 

decet. 
nunc volo opsonare, ut, hospes, tua te ex virtute 

at mea 
meae domi accipiam benigne, lepide et lepidis 

victibus. 
PL Nihil me paenitet iam quanto suniptui fuerim tibi; 

nam hospes nullus tarn in amici hospitium devorti 

potest, 
quin, ubi triduom continuom fuerit, iam odiosus 

siet ; 
verum ubi dies decern continues sit, east odiorum 

Ilias : 
tam etsi dominus non invitus patitur, servi mur- 

murant. 
Per. Serviendae servituti ego servos instruxi milii, 

hospes, non qui mi imperarent quibusve ego essem 

obnoxius : 
si illis aegrest mihi quod volup est, meo remigio 

rem gero, 
tamen id quod odiost faciundumst cum nialo atque 

ingratiis. 
nunc, quod occepi, opsonatum pergam. 
PL Si certumst tibi, 

commodulum obsona, ne magno sumptu : mihi 

quidvis sat est. 
Per. Quin tu istanc orationem hinc veterem atque 

antiquam amoves ? ^ 
proletario sermone nunc quidem, hospes, utere ; 
nam ei solent, quando accubuere, ubi cena adposi- 

tast, dicere : 
" quid opus fuit hoc, hospes, sumptu tanto nostra 

gratia ? 

200 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

(»i kindly reprooj) A man who found fault with 
the divine scheme of things, and censured the 
powers above would be a silly ignoramus. Enough 
now of all this. Now I must do some marketing, 
guest mine, so as to entertain you in my home as 
befits us both, courteously, delightfully — and with 
delightful things to eat.^/ 

I have put you to quite enough expense already, 
sir. Why, no guest can accept the hospitality of 
a friend like this without becoming an affliction 
after a three days' stay ; but after a ten days' 
stay he becomes a whole Iliad of afflictions. Even 
though the master is no unwilling sufferer, the 
servants grumble. 

[genially) I have schooled my servants to do me 
servant's service, my friend, not to give me orders 
or keep me under their thumbs. If they dis- 
like what pleases me, I steer my own course — 
if a task's an "affliction," they must do it, just 
the same, to the tune of a thrashing, willy 
nilly. {going) Now for the marketing I mean 
to do. 

Well, if market you must, do be reasonable about 
it, sir, don't be extravagant ; anything is enough 
for me. 

{turning on him amiably) Oh, do dispense with that 
hackneyed, ancient twaddle, won't you .'' Really, 
my friend, now you're falling into the cant of the 
common run of guests. W^hy, when they're placed 
and dinner put on the table, it's the regular thing 
for them to say : " Host, host ! What need of all 
this extravagance just for us ? Good heavens. 



Leo brackets following navi. 

20J 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

insanivisti hercle, nam idem hoc hominibus sat 

erat decern." 
quod eorum causa obsonatumst culpant et come- 

dunt tameii. 
Fit pol illud ad illud exemplum. ut docte et 

pei'specte sapit. 
Sed eidem homines numquam dicunt, quamquam 

adpositumst ampliter : 
"iube illud demi ; tolle hanc patinam ; remove 

pernam^ nil moror ; 
aufer illam offam porcinam, probus hie conger 

frigidus, 
remove, abi aufer" neminem eorum haec adseve- 

rare audias, 
sed procellunt se et procumbunt dimidiati, dum 

appetunt. 
Bonus bene ut malos descripsit mores, 

Haud centesimam 
partem dixi atque, otium rei si sit, possum expro- 

mere. 
Igitur id quod agitur ei ^ hie primum praeverti 

decet. 
nunc hoc animum advortite ambo. mihi opus 

est opera tua, 
Periplectomene ; nam ego inveni lepidara syco- 

phantiam, 
qui admutiletur miles usque caesariatus atque uti 
Imic amanti ac Philocomasio hanc ecficiamus 

copiam, 
ut hie earn abducat habeatque. 

Dari istanc rationem volo. 
At ego mi anulum dari istunc tuom volo. 

Quam ad rem usui est ? 
Quando habebo, igitur rationem mearum fabri- 

carum dabo. 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

you were crazy ! Why^ this would do for ten 
men ! " They cavil at the way you market for 
them — and yet consume it all. 
{to Pleusicles) By gad, sir, that's just what they 
do do ! What a clever, sagacious philosopher 
he is ! 

{gratified) But no matter how high the table is 
heaped, these same men never say : " Have that 
dish taken off . . . remove this platter . . . away 
with the ham, 1 don't care for any . . . off with that 
pork . . . this conger eel will be fine, cold — out 
with it, be off, take it away ! " No such senti- 
ments would you hear from a one of 'em, but down 
they flop, hanging their upper halves over the 
table, grabbing for food. 

{still patient and polite) A good man's description 
of bad manners, sir ! 

Oh, I haven't told you a hundredth part of the 
things I could bring up, if there were time for it. 
{grasping his chance) Then the matter in hand — 
that ought to have our first thought, sir. Now 
turn your attention here, you two gentlemen. I 
must have your help, Periplectomenus ; for I've 
hit on a delightful ruse for clipping our long- 
haired soldier close, and giving our lover here a 
chance to carry Philocomasium off and keep her 
for himself. 

Let's have that scheme of yours. 
Well, sir, let me have that ring of yours, {pointing) 
What can you use it for ? 

When I get it, then you shall hear the scheme 
I've devised, sir. 



[ei] Mc Bothe. 

203 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Per. Vtere, accipe. 

Pol- Accipe a me rusum rationem doli, 

quam institui. 
PI- Perpurigatis damus tibi ambo operatn auribus. 

Pal. Erus meus ita magnus moechus mulierum est, ut 
nemineni 
fuisse aeque neque futurum credo. 
PI- Credo ego istuc idem. 

Pal. Isque Alexandri praestare praedicat foi-mae suam, 
itaque omnis se ultro sectari in Epheso memorat 
mulieres. 
Per. Edepol qui te de isto multi cupiunt^ non men- 
tirier, 
sed ego ita esse ut dicis teneo pulchre. proin, 

Palaestrio^ 
quam potis tarn verba confer maxime ad com- 
pendium. 
Pal. Ecquam tu potes reperire forma lepida mulierem, 
cui facetiarum cor pectusque sit plenum et doll ? 
Per. Ingenuamne an libertinam } 

P(fl- Aequi istuc facio, dum modo 

eam des quae sit quaestuosa^ quae alat corpus 

corpore, 
cuique sapiat pectus; nam cor non potest, quod 
nulla habet. 
Per. • Lautam vis an quae nondum sit lauta .'' 
PO'l- Sic consucidam, 

quam lepidissimam potis quamque adulescentem 
niaxume. 
Per. Habeo eccillam meam clientam, meretricem adul- 
escentulam. 
sed quid ea usus est? 
P(il- Vt ad te«eam lam deducas domum 

itaque eam hue ornatam adducas, ex matronarum 
' modo, 

204 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Use it, {/iandi?ig him the nng) here you are ! 
And here in return is the scheme I've thought out, 
to swindle him. [pauses, rejiecting) 
Our ears are open and at your service. 
Now my master is a woman-chaser sucli as never 
was, or will be, I believe. 
{heaiiili/) I believe the same. 

He holds himself a handsomer man than Alex- 
ander, and tells how all the women in Ephesus 
therefore insist on running after him. 
(cynically) There's many a husband who heartily 
wishes the fellow really were so seductive. But I 
am perfectly aware he's what you say. So be as 
brief as possible, Palaestrio. 

Can you find some delightful looking wench, sir, 
with a mind and wit crammed full of cleverness 
and wiles .'' 

(Ihin/cing) Freeborn or a freedwoman ? 
That's immaterial, so long as you give me one 
who's after money, whose body is her bodily 
support, and who's ready of wit : she can't be 
ready of mind, as a matter of fact, for no woman 
has one. 

D'ye want a swell wench, or one that hasn't yet 
swelled out ? 

Oh, you know — a fine juicy bit, just as delightful 
and young as can be. 

{(ifier a moment) Aha.\ I have her ! A client of 
mine, a beauty of a courtesan ! But what do you 
need her for } 

You are to take her home to your house at once, 
sir, and bring her here all got up like a married 
woman — the usual head-dress . . . hair done high 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : nunc Acidalius. 

205 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

capite conipto, crinis vittasque habeat, adsimu- 

letqiie se 
tuam esse uxoreni : ita praecipiundum est. 
PI. Erro quam insistas viam. 

Pal. At scietis. sed ecquae ancillast illi ? 
Per. Est prime cata. 

Pal. Ea quoque opus est. ita praecipito mulieri atque 
ancillulae, 
ut simulet se tuam esse uxorem et deperire Imnc 

militem, 
quasique hunc anulum faveae suae dederit^ ea 

porro mihi, 
militi ut darem^ quasique ego ei rei sirn interpres. 
Per. Audio ; 

ne me surdum esse arbitrare, si audes. ego recte 

meis 
auribus utor.^ 
Pal. Ei dabo, aps tua mi uxore dicam delatum et 
datum, 
ut sese ad eum conciliarem ; ille eiusmodi est : 

cupiet miser, 
qui nisi adulterio studiosus rei nulli aliaest im- 
probus. 
Per. Non potuit reperire, si ipsi Soli quaerendas dares, 
lepidiores duas ad hanc rem quam ego. habe 
animum bonum. 
Pal. Ergo adeura, sed propere opus est. nunc tu 

ausculta, Pleusicles. 
PL Tibi sum oboediens. 

Pal. Hoc facito, miles domum ubi advenerit, 

memineris ne Philocomasium nomines. 
PI. Quem nominem ? 

Pal. Diceam, 

^ Leo notes liopeless lacuna here. 
206 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

... in ribbons ^ — and she's to pretend she's your 
wife ; she must be so instructed. 
I fail to see where you're bound for. 
Well, you will see. (to Peripleclomenus) But has 
she a maid ? 

Yes, and a precious sly one. 

(tvith increasing importance and imperiousness) She is 
needed, too. Give the wench and her maid these 
instructions : the mistress is to pretend that she's 
your wife, and dying for this soldier, and that she 
gave this ring to her petling of a maid who turned 
it over to me to give the soldier, I being the go- 
between in the affair. 

{sharply) I hear you. Please do not assume that 
I am deaf. I have full use of my ears. 
{less consequential) I shall give it to him, sir, saying 
it was sent by your wife and given to me so that 
I might bring her and him together. This is the 
sort he is — he'll be crazy for her, poor fool, for 
adultery is the rascal's leading interest. 
(genial again) Why, if you gave old Sol the job of 
hunting for 'em, he couldn't find two more delight- 
ful wenches for this purpose than I can. Rest 
easy. 

See to it, then, sir, but we need them quickly. 
(exit Periplectomenns). Now you listen here, 
Pleusicles. 

I am your obedient servant. 

Mind this — when the soldier comes home, re- 
member not to call Philocomasium by her own 
name. 

What am I to call her ? 
Dicea. 

^ Roman matrons and meretrices were to be differentiated 
by their coiffure. 

207 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Nempe eandem quae dudum constitutast. 

Pax, abi. 
Meminero. sed quid meminisse id refert, rogo 

ego te tamen. 
Ego enim dicam turn quando usus poscet ; interea 

tace. 
ut nunc etiam hie agat ac tu turn partis defendas 

tuas. 
Ego eo Intro igitur. 

Et praecepta sobrie ut cures face, 

quantas res turbo, quantas moveo machinas. 

eripiara ego hodie concubinam militi, 

si centuriati bene sunt maniplares mei. 

sed ilium vocabo. heus Sceledre, nisi negoti- 

umst, 
progredere ante aedis, te vocat Palaestrio. 
Non operaest Sceledro. 

Quid iam ? 

Sorbet dormiens. 
Quid, sorbet? 

Illud, stertit, volui dicere. 
sed quia consimile est, quom stertas, quasi sor- 

beas — 
Eho an dormit Sceledrus intus ? 

Non naso quidem, 
nam eo magnum clamat. tetigit calicem clanculum, 
dum misit nardum in amphoram, cellarius. 
Eho tu sceleste, qui illi suppromu's, eho — 

208 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Oh yes, the same name we recently agreed upon. 
Enough ! Be off with you ! 

(going) I'll remember. But just the same, I want 
to know what's the use of remembering. 
Well, I shall tell you when occasion demands; 
meanwhile hold your tongue, so that he, too, (with 
a wave in the directioji Periplectomenus went) may do 
his job at once and you play your part later on. 
I'm going inside, then. [exit. 

{calling ajter him) And be sure you follow instruc- 
tions sensibl}'. 



What a mix-up I'm making ! What machines I'm 
setting in motion. I'll get the soldier's girl away 
from him to-day, if only my troops are rightly 
trained. But I'll call that chap, (shouting at the 
soldier's door) Hey ! Sceledrus I Step out here, 
if you're not too busy! It's Palaestrro calling 
you ! 

ENTER Lucrio, UNSTEADILY. 

(tipsily) Sceledrus is . . . not at . . . leisure. 

Eh ? ' How's that ? 

He's . . asleep and . . . swigging. 

What? Swigging? 

Snoring, I . . . meant ... to say. But seeing 

snoring is . . . much the same as . . . swigging — 

(indignant) Ha ! Sceledrus asleep inside there ? 

Not with his . . . nose . , . anyhow, for that's 

. . . raising an awful . . . racket. He nabbed a 

. . . nip on the sly, when he . . . put some . . . 

nard in an . . . amphora, he being the . . . 

butler. 

Ha ! You rascal ! You're his under-butler, so 

see here 

209 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Luc. Quid vis ? 

Pal. Qui lubitum est illi condormiscere ? 

Luc. Oculis opinor. 

Pal. Non te istuc rogito, scelus. 

procede hue. periisti iam, nisi verum seio. 

prompsisti tu illi vinum ? 
Luc. Non prompsi. 

Pal. Negas ? 

Luc. Nego hercle vero, nam ille me vetuit dicere ; 

neque equidem lieminas octo exprompsi ir 
urceum 

neque illic calidum exhibit in prandium. 
Pal. Neque tu bibisti? 
Luc. Di me perdant^ si bibi, 

si bibere potui. 
Pal. Quid iam ? 

Luc. Quia enim obsorbui ; 

nam nimis calebat, amburebat gutturem. 
Pat. Alii ebrii sunt, alii poscam potitant. 

bono subpromo et pi-omo cellam creditam. 
Luc. Tu hercle idem faceres, si tibi esset eredita : 

quoniam aemulari non licet, nunc invides. 
Pal. Eho an umquam prompsit antehac ? responde 
scelus. 

atque ut tu scire possis, ego dico tibi : 

si falsa dices, Lucrio, excruciabere. 
Luc. Ita vero.'' ut tu ipse me dixisse delices, 

post e sagina ego eiciar cellaria, 

ut tibi, si promptes, alium subpromum pares. 

2IO 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

What d'ye want? 

How has he thought fit to go to sleep ? 

With his . . . eyes, I suppose, (turns atvay) 

I'm not asking you that, you villain ! Step up here ! 

{Luctio obeys) You're a dead man this minute, unless 

I know the truth ! Did you draw wine for him ? 

I did . . . not. 

You deny it .'' 

Why, of course I . . . deny it, for lie . . . forbade 

me to . . . admit it. And I didn't draw him off 

eight . . , half-pints into a . . . pitcher, not I, 

and he didn't . . . drink it off . . . hot for lunch 

. . . either. 

And you didn't drink, yourself, either ? 

May I be . . . damned, if I drank, if I . . . 

could have drunk I 

Eh } How's that ? 

Because I . . . gulped it down. Why, it was so 

. . . blessed hot, it . . . scorched my gullet. 

{enviously) Some folks get gloriously drunk, while 

others are always bibbing vinegar and water. A 

fine under-butler and butler the storeroom's 

entrusted to ! 

Lord ! You'd be doing . . . the same, yourself, 

if it had been . . . entrusted to you. Now that 

you can't . . . imitate us, you . . . envy us. 

See here ! Did he ever draw wine before ? 

Answer me, you villain ! And just to give you 

warning, I tell you this— if you tell any lies, 

Lucrio, you'll be lying on a cross. 

Oh yes ! Just to give you a . . . chance to 

tattle . . . what I told, and . . . after I'm 

ousted from my . . . storeroom . . . gorging, get 

another under-butler for . . . yourself, if you get 

the butler's job. 

211 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pal. Non edepol faciam. age eloquere audaoter mihi. 
Luc. Numquam edepol vidi promere. verum hoc erat : 

mihi imperabat, ego promebam postea. 
Pal. Hoc illi ci'ebro capite sistebant cadi. 
Luc. Non hercle tam istoe valide cassabant cadi ; 

sed in cella erat paulum nimis loculi lubrici, 

ibi erat bilibris aula sic propter cados, 

ea saepe deciens comj)lebatur : vidi earn 

plenam atque inanem fieri, plenam maxume ; 

ubi bacchabatur aula, cassabant cadi. 
Pal. Abi, abi intro iam. vos in cella vinaria 

bacchanal facitis. iam hercle ego erum adducam 
a foro. 
Luc. Perii, excruciabit me erus, domum si venerit, 

quom haec facta scibit, quia sibi non dixerim. 

fugiam hercle aliquo atque hoc in diem extollam 
malum. 

ne dixeritis, obsecro, huic, vostram fidem. 
Pal. Quo te agis ? 

Ltic. Missus sum aliquo : iam hue revenero. 

Pal. Quis misit ? 
Luc. Philocomasium. 

Pal. Abi, actutum redi. 

Luc. Quaeso tamen tu meam partem, infortunium 

si dividetur, me absente accipito tamen. 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

No I won't, upon my word. Come now, speak out 
boldly to me. 

I never saw . . . him draw any wine, upon my 
. . . word. But it was . . . this way : he'd give 
me . , . orders, and then I'd draw it. 
That's why the casks tliere continually kept stand- 
ing on their heads. 

Lord, no ! That wasn't why the . . . casks cut 
such . . . capers. But there was a . . . little 
spot in the . . . storeroom that was awfully . . . 
slippery, and there, standing ... so {ilhislraling) 
near the . . . casks, was a . . . two-quart jar, and 
this jar often . . . filled itself up . . . ten times 
over. I've seen it get . . . full and empty . . . 
especially . . . full. And when the jar got to . . . 
carousing, the . . . casks got to cutting . . . 
capers. 

(angrily) Be off, be off inside with you now I It's 
you chaps do the carousing in the wine room. I'll 
bring master from the forum this instant, by Jove ! 
{aside) I'm done for ! Master'll . . . torture me, 
once he comes . . . home and finds this out, 
because I . . , didn't tell him. I'll run away 
somewhere, by . . . gad, and postpone . . . my 
punishment for a while, (to atidience) Don't tell 
him, for . . . heaven's sake ! {staggers atvay) 
Where are you off to ? 

I've been . . . sent somewhere : I'll be . . . back 
here soon. 
Who sent you ? 
Philocomasium. 

Be off, and come directly back. 
Just the . . . same, if there's any . . . trouble 
doled out, and I'm . . . away, you please take my 
. . . share, just the , . . same. [exit. 

213 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pal. Modo intellexi quam rem mulier gesserit ; 

quia Sceledrus dormit, hunc subcustodem suom 
foras ablegavit, dum ab se hue transiret. plaeet. 
sed Periplectomenus quam ei mandavi mulierem 
nimis lepida forma ducit. di herele liane rem 

adiuvant. 
quam digne ornata incedit, baud meretricie. 
lepide hoc succedit sub manus negotium. 



III. 3. 

Per. Rem omnem tibi, Acroteleutium, tibique una^ 
Milphidippa, 
domi demonstravi in ordine. banc fabricam falla- 

ciasque 
minus si tenetis^ denuo volo percipiatis plane ; 
satis si intellegitis, aliud est quod potius fabulemur. 
Acr, Stultitia atque insipientia mea istaec sit, mi 
patrone, 
me ire in opus alienum aut ibi meam operam 

polbcitari, 
si ea in opificina nesciam aut mala esse aut fraudu- 
lenta. 
Per. At melius est monerier. 
Acr. Meretricem commoneri, 

quam sane magni referat, nihil clam est. quin 

egomet ultro, 
postquam adbibere auris meae tuae oram orationis, 
tibi dixi, miles quem ad modum potis sit deasciari. 
Per. At nemo solus satis sapit. nam ego multos saepe 
vidi 
regionem fugere consili prius quam repertam 
haberent. 
Acr. Si quid faciendum est mulieri male atque malitiose, 

214 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Well, now I understand what the wench has been 
at : Sceledrus being asleep, she has got rid of this 
under-guard of hers, while she crossed over to our 
house. Good ! [looking down the streef) But here 
comes Periplectomenus with the woman I com- 
missioned him to get — and a delightful looking 
creature she is ! By gad, the gods are with us in 
this I What a ladylike dress and walk ! Nothing 
like a courtesan ! Ah, this affair is shaping itself 
delightfully ! ^ 

^' 

3. ENTER Feripleclomenus, Acroteleutium and 

Milphidippa. 

I explained everything to you at home, from 

beginning to end, Acroteleutium, and to you as 

well, Milphidippa. In case you don't fully grasp 

this game of ours to gull him, I want you to begin 

again and school yourselves completely. If you 

do understand it, we had better turn to another 

topic. ^ 

(ligklltj) A silly goose I'd be, patron mine, to 

undertake another person's work or promise to 

work for him, if once in the workshop I didn't 

know how to be sly or tricky. 

But it's better to admonish you. 

(^toughing) Everyone appreciates the immense value 

of admonishing a courtesan I Why, my ears had 

barely begun to drink in your discourse, when I 

myself volunteered to tell you how the soldier 

could be trimmed. 

Still, no one knows enough, alone. Why, I've 

often seen many a man avoid the neighbourhood 

of good advice before he really came near it. 

If a woman has anything mischievous and malicious 

215 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ea sibi immortalis memoriast meminisse et semp- 
iterna ; 

sin bene quid aut fideliter faciundum eisdem 
veniat, 

obliviosae extempulo fiunt, meminisse nequeunt. 
Per. Ergo istuc metuo, quom venit vobis faciundum 
utrumque : 

nam id proderit mihi, militi, male quod facietis 
ambae. 
Acr. Dum nescientes quod bonum faciamus, ne formida. 
Per. Mala mulier mers est. 

Acr. Ne pave, peioribus conveniunt. 

Per. Ita vos decet. consequimini. 
Pal. Cesso ego illis obviam ire ? 

venire salvom gaudeo, lepide hercle ornatus incedis. 
Per. Bene opportuneque obviam es, Palaestrio. em 
tibi adsunt 

quas me iussisti adducere et quo ornatu. 
Pal. eu, noster esto. 

Palaestrio Acroteleutium salutat. 
Acr. Quis hie amabo est, 

qui tam pro nota nominat me ? 
Per. Hie noster architectust. 

Acr. Salve, architecte. 
Pal. Salva sis. sed die mihi, ecquid hie te 

oneravit praeceptis ? 
Per. Probe meditatam utramque duco. 

Pal. Audire cupio quern ad modum ; ne quid peccetis 
paveo. 

?i6 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

to do, she remembers it with a memory that's 
unremitting and immortal ; but if the same women 
have occasion to do anything good or loyal, they 
suddenly become forgetful, and simply can't 
remember. 

That's why I'm afraid of your forgetting, you two 
having occasion to do both things, you see ; for in 
doing the soldier a mischief, you girls do me a 
service. 

(smiling) So long as we're unaware of doing good, 
you needn't fear. 

{heartily) Women are worthless wares. 
[encouragingly) Don't be alarmed ; they all fit in 
with women still more worthless. 
The proper thing for you two ! {proceeding toward 
his house) Come along. 

{aside) I must hurry up to meet them, (approach- 
ing) Glad to see you safely here, sir, and, by Jove, 
you're delightfully arrayed (i?idicating the girls) for 
your stroll ! 

Good I A timely meeting, Palaestrio ! Here they 
are ! Here are the girls you bade me bring, and 
arrayed to order. 

Splendid, sir ! You're the man for me ! (tvith a 
courtly air) Palaestrio presents his compliments to 
Acroteleutium. 

(to Periplectomemis, with dignity) Who is this man, 
pray, who accosts me by name as if he knew me ? 
This is our master-builder. \ 
Good day, master-builder. ' 

And good day to you. But tell me, has this 
gentleman crammed you full of instructions } 
They're two well-prepared wenches I bring you. 
I'm anxious to hear how they are prepared, (to 
girls) I dread your making some mistake, 

217 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Per. Ad tua praecepta de meo nihil his novom 

adposivi. 
Acr. Nempe ludificari militem tuom erum vis ? 
Pctl. Exlocuta es. 

Acr. Lepide et sapienter, commode et facete res paratast. 
Pal. Atque huius uxorem volo te esse adsimulare. 
Acr. Fiet. 

Pal. Quasi militi animum adieceris, simulare. 
Acr. Sic futurum est. 

Pal. Quasique ea res per me interpretem et tuam 

ancillam ei curetur. 
Acr. Bonus vates poteras esse, nam quae sunt futura 

dicis. 
Pal. Quasique anulum hunc ancillula tua abs te detulerit 
ad me, 
quern ego militi porro darem tuis verbis. 
Acr. Vera dicis. 

Per. i Quid istis nunc memoratis opust quae com- 

\ meminere ? 
Acr. I Meliust. 

nam, mi patrone, hoc cogitato, ubi probus est 

architectus, 
bene lineatam si semel carinam conlocavit, 
facile esse navem facere, ubi fundata, constitutast, 
nunc haec carina satis probe fundata, bene statutast, 
atque architecto adsunt fabri ad earn rem baud 

imperiti. 
si non nos materiarius remoratur, quod opus qui 

det 
(novi indolem nostri ingeni), cito erit parata navis. 
Pal. Nempe tu novisti militem meum erum ? 
Acr. Rogare mirumst. 

populi odium quidni noverim, magnidicum, cincin- 

natum, 
moechum unguentatum. 

218 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

I have added nothing new of my own to your 

instructions. 

You want your master, the soldier, to be fooled, 

I understand ? 

You've said it. 

It is all arranged, delightfully and shrewdly, 

properly and neatly. 

And I want you to pretend to be this gentleman's 

wife. 

His wife I'll be. 

And to pretend that you're smitten with the soldier. 

I shall be smitten. 

And that this matter is being managed for him 

through me, as go-between, and your maid. 

You could have made a fine clairvoyant, for what 

you say will all come true. 

And that your maid brought me this ring from 

you to pass on to the soldier in your name. 

Quite correct. 

What's the use of all that repetition of things 

they remember ? 

It's better so. For consider this, my dear patron, 

— when you have a fine master-builder, and he 

has once laid down the keel true to line, building 

your ship is easy when that's all laid and set. 

Now this keel of ours is laid finely as can be and 

well set, and the master-builder has workmen for 

this job that are not unskilled. If we're not 

delayed by the timber-dealer with our raw material 

— I know what our powers promise — our ship will 

be ready in no time?} 

No doubt you know the soldier, my master ? 

It's a wonder you ask. How could I help Icnowing 

such a general nuisance, such a boastful, frizzle- 

pated, perfumed lady-killer.'' 

219 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pal. ' Num ille te nam novit? 

Acr. Numquam vidit : 

qui noverit me quis ego sim? 
Fal. Nimis lepide fabulare ; 

eo pote fuerit^ lepidius pol fieri. 
Acr. Potin ut hominem 

inihi des, quiescas cetera ? ni ludificata lepide 

ero, culpam omnem in me imponito. 
Pal. Age igitur intro abite, 

insistite hoc negotium sapienter. 
Acr. Alia cura. 

Pal. Age, Periplectomene, has nunciam due inti-o ; ego 
ad forum ilium 

conveniam atque illi hunc anulum dabo, atque 
praedicabo 

a tua uxore mihi datum esse eamque ilium deperire. 

banc ad nos, quom extemplo a foro veniemus, 
mittitote, 

quasi clanculum ad eum missa sit. 
Per. Faciemus. alia cura. 

Pal. Vos modo curate, ego ilium probe iam oneratum 

hue acciebo. 
Per. Bene ambula, bene rem geras. egone hoc si 
efficiam plane, 

ut concubinam militis meus hospes habeat hodie 

atque hinc Athenas avehat, si hodie hunc dolum 
dolamus, 

quid tibi ego mittam muneris ! 
Acr. Datne ab se mulier operam ? ! 

Per. Lepidissume et compsissume. 
Acr. Confido confuturum. 

ubi facta erit conlatio nostrarum malitiarum, 

baud vei'eor ne nos subdola perfidia pervincamur. 

^ potefuerit Lindsay : potiverivi MSS. 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

{anxioiisli/) But he doesn't know you, does he ? 
Never having seen nie, how should he know who 
I am ? 

How deHghtfuUy you do talk ! What we do to 
him can be made all the more delightful ! 
Can't you leave the man to me, and feel easy as 
to the rest ? If I fail to make a delightful fool of 
him, lay all the blame on me. 

All right, then, you girls go inside, and set your- 
selves to work on this with all your wits. 
{easily) Leave that to us. 

Come, Periplectomenus, take these girls inside at 
once ; I'll meet our man at the forum and give 
him this ring, making out that it was given me 
by your wife and that she's dying for him. Tlie 
moment we get back from the forum, send this 
girl [indicating Milphidippa) to us as though she 
were a secret messenger to him. 
We will. Leave it to us. 

Only you manage your part ; I'll fetch him here 
already stuffed in fine shape. [exit. 

(calling after him) A good walk to you — and do a 
good job ! {to Acroteleutium) If I make a real 
success of this, and my guest gets the soldier's 
girl to-day and carries her off" to Athens, and if we 
do turn this trick, such a present as I'll send you ! 
Is the girl herself {nodding toivard the soldier's 
house) helping us ? 
Oh, delightfully, toutafaitly ! 

I trust things will turn out well. W^hen we've 
lumped together our talents for mischief, I have 
no fear of our being beaten at artful wiles. 

221 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Per. Abeamus ergo intro, haec uti meditemur cogitate, 
ut accurate et commode hoe quod agendumst ex- 

sequamur, 
ne quid, ubi miles venerit, titubetur. 

Acr. Tu morare. 



ACTVS IV 

Pyrg. Volup est, quod agas, si id procedit lepide atque 
ex sententia ; 
nam ego liodie ad Seleucum regem misi parasitum 

meum, 
ut latrones quos conduxi hinc ad Seleucum duceret, 
qui eius regnum tutarentur, mihi dum fieret otium. 
Pal. Quin tu tuam rem cura potius quam Seleuci, quae 
tibi 
condicio nova et luculenta fertur per me inter- 
pretem. 
Pyrg. Immo omnis res posteriores pono atque operam do 
tibi. 
loquere : auris meas profecto dedo in dicionem 
tuam. 
Pal. Circumspice dum, ne quis nostro hie auceps ser- 
moni siet. 
nam hoc negoti clandestino ut agerem mandatumst 
mihi. ' "' 

Pyrg. Nemo adest. 

Pal. Hunc arrabonem amoris pi-imum a me accipe. 

Pyrg. Quid hie ? unde est ? 

Pal. A luculenta atque festiva femina, 

quae te amat tuamque expetessit pulcram pulcri- 

tudinem ; 
eius nunc mi anulum ad te ancilla porro ut deferrem 
dedit. 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Well, then, let's go inside to practice and think 
over our parts, so that we can put the job through 
carefully and properly, and make not a single slip 
when the soldier conies. 
It's you that delay us. [exeunt. 

ACT IV 

ENTER Pyrgopolyiiices and Palaestrio. 

Ah, it is a great pleasure to have your affairs pro- 
ceed in just such a delightful fashion as you wish. 
My own case, now — to-day I sent my parasite to 
King Seleucus so that he might conduct to Seleucus 
the mercenaries whom I hired to protect his king- 
dom while I take a rest. 

Come, sir, attend to your own business rather than 
Seleucus's. Such a love affair as I'm commisioned 
to submit to you, sir, a new one, a dazzling one ! 
{co7idescendingly) Oh, well, everything else shall be 
secondary, and you shall have my attention. 
Speak. I surrender my ears to your suzerainty, 
by all means. 

{mysteriously) Look about, then, sir, and see that 
no one is here to catch our conversation. For I 
was instructed to do this business secretly. 
{majestically surveying the neighbourhood) No one is 
here. 

[producing Periplectomenus's ring) First, sir, take 
this as a token of her affection. 
(taking it) What have we here ? Whence comes 
it? 

From a dazzling and delectable lady, sir, who loves 
you, and longs to enjoy your beauteous beauty. 
And now she has sent me her ring by her maid, 
for me to hand over to you, sir. 

223 



TITUS MACCIUS PJLAUTUS 

Pyg- Quid ea? ingenuan an SFestucay facta e serva 

liberast ? \-_y^ 

Pal. Yah, egone ut ad te ab libertina esse auderem 
internuntius, 

qui ingenuis satis responsare nequeas quae cupiunt 
tui.-* 
Pyrg. Nuptan est an vidua ? 
Pdl- Et nupta et vidua. 

Pyrg- Quo pacto potis 

nupta et vidua esse eadem ? 
P(il- Quia adulescens nuptast cum sene. 

Pyrg. Euge. 

Pal. Lepida et liberali formast. 

Pyrg. Cave mendacium. 

Pal. Ad tuam formam ilia una dignast. 
Pyrg. Hercle pulchram praedicas. 

sed quis east? 
Pal. Senis huius uxor Periplectomeni ex proxumo ; 

ea demoritur te atque ab illo cupit abire : odit 
senem. 

nunc te orare atque obsecrare iussit, ut earn copiam 

sibi potestatemque facias. 
Pyrg. Cupio hercle equidem, si ilia volt. 

Pal. Quae cupit ? 

Pyrg. ' Quid ilia faciemus concubina, quae donii§t^ 

Pal. / Quin tu illam iube abs te abire quo lubet : i^icut 
\J soror -— -=^ 

eius hue gemina venit Ephesum et mater, accer- 
suntque earn. 

^ A rod was used in a form of manumission. 
224 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

(examining the ring and trying to hide his elation) 

What about her ? Is she freeborn, or some slave 

set free by the rod ? ^ 

Tush, sir ! Would I dare be an envoy to you from 

a freedwoman, wlien you are unable to make 

adequate response to the freeborn ladies who 

crave for you ? 

Is she married or unmarried ? 

Married and unmarried, both, sir. 

How can the same woman be both married and 

unmarried ? 

Because she's the young wife of an old husband, 

sir. 

Excellent ! 

Oh, she's delif^htful, sir, and every inch a lady ! 

No lies, my man ! 

Sir, she's the one woman worthy of comparison 

with you. 

(gemdnely surprised) By Jove, what a beauty she 

must be ! But who is she } 

The wife of old Periplectomenus here next door, 

sir. She's simply perishing for you, sir, and longs 

to leave him; she hates the old fellow. And now 

she has ordered me to beg and beseech you to 

grant her the opportunity and privilege of being 

yours. 

{forgetting his indifference) By Jove, I certainly 

long to have her, if she wishes it. {slips on the 

ring) 

Wishes it, sir ? Longs for it ! 

What shall we do with that wench at home ? 

Why, sir, tell her to leave you and go where she 

likes — here's her twin sister, for instance, come 

to Ephesus with her mother, and they are after 

her. 

225 

VOL. III. Q 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pyrg' Eho tu, an venit Ephesum mater eius ? 

Pal. Aiunt qui sciunt. 

Pyrg. Hercle occasionem lepidam, ut mulierem excludam 

foras. 
Pal. Immo vin tu lepide facere ? 

Pyrg' Loquere et consilium cedo. 

Pal. Vin tu illam actutum amovere, a te ut abeat per 

gratiam ? 
Pyrg. Cupio. 

Pal. Turn te hoc facere oportet. tibi divitiarum 

adfatimst : 
lube sibi aurum atque ornamenta, quae illi in- 

struxti mulieri^ 
dono habere, abire,^ auferre abs te quo hibeat sibi. 
Pyrg. Placet ut dicis; sed ne et istam amittam et haec 
mutet fidem 
vide modo. 
Pal. Vah delicatu's, quae te tamquam oculos amet. 

Pyrg. Venus me amat. 

Pal. St tace, aperitur foris, concede hue clanculum. 

liaec celox illiust, quae hinc egreditur, internuntia,^ 
quae anulum istunc attulit quem tibi dedi. 
Pyrg. Edepol haec quidem 

bellulast. 
Pal. , Pithecium haec est prae ilia et spinturnicium. 



' ahire, Goetz : Leo notes lacuna here. 

* Leo brackets following v., 987 : 
Pyrg. Q\iae haec celox ? 
Pal. Ancilhila illiust, quae hhic egreditur foras, 

226 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Eh ? What ? Her mother has come to Ephesus ? 

So say those who know, sir. 

By Jove ! A delightful opportunity to get the 

girl out of my house ! 

But listen, sir. Do you want to do it in a delightful 

way? 

Speak, out with your advice. 

Do you want to put her out at once, sir, and yet 

have her part with you pleasantly ? 

I long to ! 

Then this is what you should do, sir. You have 

any amount of money : bid her keep the jewels 

and finery you fitted her out with for a present 

and take them and go away where she likes. 

A good suggestion ! But just look out that I do 

not let her go, only to have this other one break 

faith. 

Tut, tut, sir ! You're joking ! When she loves 

you as her very eyes. / 

{coviplacently) It is Venus who loves me ! 

{listening) Sh-h I Keep still, sir ! The door's 

opening ! Step aside here out of sight ! {pulls 

him hack) 

ENTER Milphidippa into Periplectomenus' s doorway. 

This is her despatch-boat coming out, her 
go-between,^ who brought me that ring I gave 
you, sir. 

{ogling he?-) A pretty little piece, upon my soul ! 
Oh, sir, she's nothing but a little baboon, a 
miserable dodo chick, beside her mistress ! (a* 

^ V. 987 : 
Despatch boat — what do you mean ? 
It's her little maid who's coming outside. 

227 
Q 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

viden tu illam oculis venaturam facere atque 
aucupiiim auribus ? 

IV. 2. 

Milph. lam est ante aedis circus ub i sunt ludi faciundi 
mihi. 
dissimulabo^ hos quasi non videam neque esse liic 
etiamdum sciam. 
Pyrg. TacCj subauscultemus ecquid de me fiat mentio. 
Milph. Numquis nam hie prope adest qui rem alienam 
potius curet quam suam, 
qui aucupet me quid agam, qui de vesperi vivat 

suo ? 
eos nunc homines metuo^ mihi ne obsint neve 

opstent uspiam, 
domo si bitat, dum hue transbitat, quae huius 

cupiens corporist, 
quae amat liunc hominem nimium lepidum et 

nimia pulchritudine, 
militem Pyrgopolynicem. 
Pyrg. Satin haec quoque me deperit ? 

meam laudat speciem. edepol huius sermo haud 
cinerem quaeritat. 
Pal. Quo argumento? 

Pyrg. Quia enim loquitur laute et minime soi'dide. 

Pal. Quippini? istaec de te loquitur: nihil attrectat 

sordidi. 
Pyrg. Tum autem ilia ipsa est nimium lepida nimisque 
nitida femina. 
hercle vero iam adlubescit primulum^ Palaestrio. 
Pal. Priusne quam illam oculis tuis videas ? 
Pyrg. Video id quod credo tibi. 

^ So having time for other matters. 
228 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

she peers about and listens) D'ye see her playing 
tlie hunter with her eyes and bird-catcher witli 
her ears, sir ? 



{aside, coming out from the doorway and seeing them) 

The circus where I must do my tricks is in front 

of the house now. I'll pretend not to see them, 

or to know they're here yet. 

[aside to Palaestrio) Hush ! Let us listen quietly 

and see if any mention is made of me. 

[aloud, looking everywhere save in their direction) Is 

there anyone near, I wonder, that minds other 

people's business more than his own, to spy out 

my doings — someone that doesn't have to earn 

his supper?^ They're the people I'm afraid of now, 

that they'll hamper me or hinder somewhere, if 

mistress leaves her home, on her way across here, 

longing to lie in the arms of the man she loves — 

that, oh, so delightful, oh, so handsome soldier, 

Pyrgopolynices ! 

[aside to Palaestrio) So this wench is dying for me, 

too, eh ? She admires my looks. Upon my soul, 

her words need no ashes. ^ 

How do you make that out, sir .'' 

Why, because what she says is so elegant and 

polished. 

And why not } She speaks of you, sir : she has a 

polished subject. 

Moreover, her mistress is a most delightful and 

elegant woman. Upon my soul, Palaestrio, I do 

begin to fancy her a bit already. 

Before you've set eyes on her, sir? 

My confidence in you amounts to seeing her. 

* Used for polishing. 

229 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

turn haec celocula autem absentem subigit me ut 
amem. 
Pal. Hercle banc quidem 

nil tu amassis ; mi baec desponsast : tibi si ilia 
bodie nupseritj 

ego banc continuo uxorem diicam. 
Pyrg- Quid ergo banc dubitas conloqui ? 

Pal. Sequere bac me ergo. 
Pyrg. Pedisequos tibi sum. 

Milph. Vtinam, cuius causa foras 

sum egressa, eius conveniundi mihi potestas evenat. 
Pal. Erit, et tibi exoptatum optinget^ bonum babe 
animum^ ne formida ; 

bomo quidamst qui scit, quod quaeris ubi sit. 
Milph. Quem ego bic audivi .'' 

Pal. Socium tuorum conciliorum et participem consili- 

orum. 
Milph. Turn pol ego id quod celo bau celo. 
Pal. Immo et celas et non celas. 

Milph. Quo argumento ? 

Pal. Infidos celas : ego sum tibi firme fidus. 

Milph. Cedo signum, si barunc Baccbarum es. 
Pal. Amat mulier quaedam quendam. 

Milph. Pol istuc quidem multae. 

Pal. At non multae de digito donum mittiint. 

Milph. Enim cognovi nunc, fecisti modo mi ex jiroclivo 
planum. 

sed bic numquis adest } 
Pal. Vel adest vel non. 

Milph. Cedo te mibi solae solum. 

230 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Besides, this little despatch-boat inclines me to 
love, even in- absence. 

Not to love her, sir, by gad, no ! This girl is 
engaged to me : if the mistress marries you 
to-day, the maid becomes my wife directly. 
Then why so backward in speaking to her ? 
(stepping fonrard) This way, then, sir. 
(at his heels) I am your footman. 
Oh, for a chance to meet the man I came out 
to see ! (Palaeslrio steps back again and pulls back 
the soldier) 

(in a melodramatic tone) You shall have it, and 
what you pray for will come to pass. Be of good 
heart, have no fear ; there is a certain man who 
knows the whereabouts of what you seek. 
(alarmed, apparently not seeing them) Who is it I 
heard here ? 

(mysteriously, from his hiding place) A colleague in 
your councils, and a sharer of your counsels. 
Goodness me ! Then my secret is no secret ! 
Oh, no ! A secret and no secret, both. 
How can that be ? 

Secrets you keep from the untrustworthy : me 
you can trust entirely. 

Give me the watchword, if you belong to our 
Bacchantes. 

A certain woman loves a certain man. 
Goodness me, many women do that ! 
But not many send a present from off their fingers. 
Ah, now I know, now you have made the rough 
places plain ! (anxiously, as Pulaestrio steps out and 
comes ton-ard her, waving the soldier back) But is 
anyone about here .'' 
(reassuringly) Oh, quite as you please. 
I want you all alone. 

231 






TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pal. Brevin an longinquo sermoni ? 

Milph. Tribus verbis. 

Pal. lam ad te redeo. 1( 

Py^'S' Quid ego ? hie astabo tantisper cum hac forma 

et factis frustra ? 
Pal. Patere atque asta, tibi ego hane do operam. 

Pyrg. ^ Propera, expectando exeriicior. 

Pal. Pedetemptim (tu hoc scis) tractari satiust hasce 

huius modi mercis. 
Pyrg. Age age lit tibi maxume concinnumst. 
Pal. NulTuffist hoc stoHdius saxum. 

redeo ad te. quid me voluisti .'' 
Milph. Quo pacto hoc Ilium accedi 

velis, ut ferrem abs te consilium. 
Pal. Quasi hunc depereat — 

Milph. Teneo istuc. 

Pal. Conlaudato formam et faciem et virtutis com- 

memorato. ^- — ^ 

Milph. Ad eam rem habeo omnem aciem, tibi uti dudum 

iam demonstravi. 
Pal. Tu cetera cura et contempla et de meis venator 

verbis. 
Pyrg. Aliquam mihi partem hodie operae des denique, 

tandem ades,rfeinelTgo. ll 

Pal. Adsum, impera, si quid vis. 
Pyrg. Quid illaec narrat tibi .'' 

Pal. Lamentari 

ait illam, miseram cruciari et lacrimantem se 

adflictare, 
232 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

For a short or long talk ? 

A cou{)le of words. 

(aside, to Pi/rgopolyjiices) I'll soon be back with you 

sir. 

{petulanl) What of me ? Am I to stand about 

here, meanwhile, so handsome and heroic all for 

naught } 

{returning to him) Be patient, sir, and do stand 

here ; it's your affair that busies me. 

{somewhat mollijied) Hurry ! This waiting racks 

me ! 

It's best to go sloAv with wares of this sort, sir, — 

you know that. 

{trying to compose himself) All right, all right, act 

as you think most fitting. 

(aside) The fellow's as stupid as a stone, (rejoining 

Milphidippn) Here I am again ! What did you 

want of me ? 

Some advice as to how you want this Troy to be 

attacked. 

Pretend she's dying for him 

I understand that. 

Praise his handsome person, and talk about his 

doughty deeds. 

I'm all armed for that, as I already showed you 

some time ago. 

See to the rest yourself, look sharp, and catch 

your cue from me. 

(calling to Palaestrio) Give me some slight part in 

this to day. Come here sometime, you clog ! 

(hurrying back to him) Here I am, sir, command 

me, state your wish. 

What is she telling you .'' 

She says her misti*ess is moaning, in torment, poor 

thing, and all worn out Avith crying, because she 

233 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

quia tis egeat, quia te eareat. ob earn rem hue ad 
te missast. 
Pyrg. lube adire. 
Pal. At scin quid tu facias ? facito fastidi plenum, 

quasi non lubeat ; me incl amato, quia sic te volgo 
volgem. 
Pyrg. Memini et praeceptis parebo. 

Pal. Vocon ergo banc quae te quaerit ? 

Pyrg. Adeat, si quid volt. 
Pal. Si quid vis, adi, mulier. 

Milpk. Pulcher, salve. 

Pyrg. Meum cognomentum commemoravit. di tibi dent 

quaecumque optes. 
Milph. Tecum aetatem exigere ut liceat — 
Pyrg. Nimium optas. 

Milph. Non me dico, 

sed eram meam, quae te demoritur. 
Pyrg. Multae aliae idem istuc cupiunt, ] 

quibus copia non est. 
Milph. Ecastor baud mirum, si te babes carum, 

bominem tam pulchrum et praeclarum virtute et 
forma et factis. 

deus dignior fuit quisquam homo qui esset ? 
Pal. Non hercle bumanust ergo — 

nam volturio plus humani credo est. 
Pyrg. Magnum me faciam 

nunc quom illaec me sic conlaudat. 
Pal. Viden tu ignavum, ut sese infei't ? 



234 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

wants you, sir, and you're not with her. That's 

why she has sent her to you. 

(eagerly) Bid her approach ! 

But you know what you should do, sir? Be full 

of disdain, as if you disliked the situation ; blow 

me up for making you common fare for common 

folks this way. 

I remember and will accept your advice. 

(loudly) Shall I call the woman that seeks you, 

then, sir? 

(loudly) Let her approach, if she wishes anything. 

(calling to Milphidippa) Approach, woman, if you 

wish anything. / 

(conwig up, much awed) Oh, sir ! Ojnaryfill "^ 

(aside) Marvel ! Ah, she spoke my surname. 

(aloud, graciously) May God grant whatever you 

desire, Avoman, 

(adoringly) Permission to pass a lifetime with you, 

sir — 

(drawing himself up) You desire too much. 
. (hastily) I dont mean for myself, sir, but for my 

misti'ess, who's perishing for you. 

Many other women long for that same thing, but 

they cannot be accommodated. 
. Mercy me, sir, it's no wonder you do set store by 

yourself — a man. so handsome and so famous for 

his bravery and beauty and daring deeds ! Was 

ever any man more worthy to be a god ? 

(aside, to Milphidippa) By Jove, as a matter of fact, 

he's not human at all — for I do believe there's 
J more huilianity in a vulture ! 

(aside) I must make myself important, now that 

she praises me so. (parades around) 

(aside to Milphidippa) D'ye see the booby, how he 

struts ? (almid, to Pyrgopolynices) Oh, sir, do 

235 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

quin tu huic responde, haec illaec est ab ilia quam 

diidum dixi. 
Qua ab illarum ? nam ita me occursant multae : 

meminisse baud possum. 
A I) ilia quae digitos despoliat suos et tuos digitos 

decorat. 
nam bunc anulum ab tui cupienti huic detuli, bie 

ad te porro. 
Quid nunc tibi vis, mulier ? memora. 

Vt quae te cupit, earn ne spernas, li 
quae per tuam nunc vitam vivit : sit necne sit, 

spes in te uno est. 
Quid nunc volt ? 

Te compellare et complecti et contrectare. 
nam nisi tu illi fers suppetias, iam ilia animum 

despondebit. 
age, mi Acbilles, fiat quod te oro, serva illam 

pulchram pulcbre, 
exprome benignum ex te ingenium, urbicape, 

occisor regum. 
Eu bercle odiosas res. quotiens hoc tibi, verbero, 

ego interdixi, 
meam ne sic volgo pollicitere operam ? 

Audin tu, mulier ? 
dixi hoc tibi dudum, et nunc dico : nisi huic verii 

adfertur merces, 
non hie suo seminio quemquam porclenam im- 

pertiturust. 1 

Milph. Dabitur quantum ipsus preti poscet. 
Pal. Talentum Philippi huic opus auri est ; 

minus ab nemine accipiet. * 

Milph. Eu ecastor niniis vilest tandem. 

Pyrg. Non mihi avaritia umquam innatast : satis habeo 

divitiarum, 
plus mi auri mille est modiorum Philippi. 

236 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

answer this wench : she's the one from that 
woman I spoke of a while ago. 
{bored) From which one ? So many come to my 
mind, you know : I cannot remember. 
From the one who despoils her own fingers and 
decks yours, sir. {pointing to the ring) For I brought 
him {indicating Palaestno) this ring from a lady 
who pines for you, sir, and he passed it on to you. 
Well, woman, what wish you now ? Speak. 
For you not to scorn a lady who longs for you, sir, 
who now lives but in your life. In you alone rests 
her hope, whether she is to survive or perish. 
Well, what is her wish ? 

To converse with you, sir, to clasp you in her 
arms, caress you. Ah, sir, unless you bring her 
succour, she will joon be^bjiokej i-heart ed. {seizing 
his hand) Oh, my Achilles, come, grant my prayer, 
graciously save that gracious lady, draw forth 
from the w^ells of your mercy, O capturer of cities 
and slayer of kings ! {Palaestrio nearly collapses) 
{pushing her away) A fine to do ! Lord, Lord, this 
is so tiresome ! {to Palaestrio) How many times 
have I forbidden you, you villain, to promise my 
services in this fashion to the common crowd ? 
Do you hear, woman ? I told you this before, 
and I tell you again : this boar must receive compen- 
sation, or he won't consort with every little sowlet. 
{humbly) He'll be given any sum he asks for. 
He must liave two hundred pounds ; he will take 
less from no one. 

Splendid ! But, mercy me, though, that's too 
cheap ! 

Greed was never a trait of mine. I have wealth 
enough ; I have more than a thousand pecks of 
golden sovereigns. 

237 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pal. Praeter thensauros. 

turn argenti monies, non massas habet. Aetna 
mons non aeque altos. ^ 
Milph. Eu ecastor hominem periurum. 
Pal. Vt ludo ? 

Milph. Quid ego ? ut sublecto ? 

sed aniabo, niitte me actutum. 
Pal. Quin tii huic respondes aliquid, 

aut facturum aut non facturum ? 
Milph. Quid illam miseram animi excrucias, 

quae numquam male de te meritast ? 
Pyrg. lube eampse exire hue ad nos. 

die me omnia quae volt facturum. 
Milph. Facis nunc ut te facere aequom, 1 

quom, quae te volt, eandem tu vis. 
Pal. Non insulsum huic ingenium. 

Milph. Quomque me oi'atricem haud sprevisti sistique 
exorare ex te. 

quid est ? ut ludo ? 
Pal. Nequeo hercle equidem risu meo moderari. 

Milph.^ Ob earn causam hue abs te avorti. 
Pyrg. Non edepol tu scis, mulier, 

quantum ego honorem nunc illi habeo. 
Milph. '5^^'^''"^ Scio, et istuc illi dicam. 

Pal. \ I Contra aur^alii h^c vendere potuit opei'am. 
MilphJ ^—^^ Pol istuc tibi credo. 

Pal. Meri bellatores gignuntur, quas hie praegnatis fecit, 

et pueri annos octingentos vivont. 
Milph. Vae tibi, nugator. 



^ Corrupt (Leo) : Aelina non aeque altast Loewe. 
* Leo notes lacuna here : hahahae Studemund. 



238 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Besides his stores of treasure. And then his silver 

— no mere masses, but mountains of it ! Higher 

than Mount Aetna ! 

{aside to Palaestrio) Splendid ! Mercy me, what a 

liar ! 

{aside to Milpkidippa) How do I play the game ? 

And how about me as a little wheedlums? {to 

Pyrgopolynices) But please, please, sir, do hurry 

and send me back. 

Why don't you give her some answer, sir, yes 

or no ? 

Why torment that poor heartsick lady, sir, who 

has never deserved ill of you .'' 

{overcoming his repugnance) Tell her to come out 

here to us hei-self. Say I will do all she wishes. 

{parades again) 

{overjoyed) Now you act as you ought to act, sir, in 

wanting the woman who wants you — 

{aside) There's nothing green about this girl ! 

— and in not scorning me when I plead for 

her, and in granting my plea, {aside to Palaestrio) 

Well .'' How do I play the game ? 

{aside to Milpkidippa) Ye gods ! I simply can't 

keep from laughing ! 

{aside to Palaestrio) That's why I turned away 

from you. 

Upon my soul, girl, you haye no idea how great 

an honour I am now showing your mistress. 

Yes I have, sir, and I'll tell her so. 

He could sell this favour to another woman for his 

weight in gold. 

Dear me, 1 believe that, all right. 

Sheer warriors are born of the women he makes 

pregnant, and his sons live eight hundred years. 

{aside to Palaestrio) Shame on you, you wag ! 

239 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pyi'g- Quill mille annorum perpetuo vivont, ab saeclo ad 

saeclum. 
Pal. Eo minus dixi, ne haec censeret me advorsum se 

mentiri. 
Milph. Perii, quot hie ipse annos vivet, cuius filii tani diu 

vivont ? 
Pyrg. Postriduo natus sum ego^ mulier, quam luppiter 

ex Ope natust. 
Pal. Si hie pridie natus foret quam ille est^ hie haberet 

regnum in caelo. 
Milph. lam iam sat, amaboj est. sinite abeam, si possum^ 

viva a vobis. 
Pal. Quin ergo abis, quando responsumst ? 
Milph, Ibo atque illam hue addueara, 

propter quam opera est milii. numquid vis ? 
Pyrg. Ne magis sim puleher quam sum, 

ita me mea forma habet sollieitum. 
Pal. Quid hie nune stas ? quin abis ? 

Milph. Abeo. 

Pal. Atque adeo, audin ? ^ dieito doete et eordate, ut 

cor ei sahat — 
Philoeomasio die, si est istic, domum ut transeat : 

hune hie esse. 
Milph. Hie cum mea era est, hine clam nostrum hune 

sermonem sublegerunt. 
Pal. Lepide faetumst : iam ex sermone hoc gubeiuia- 

buut doetius porro. 

* Leo brackets following tii. 
240 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

As a^natter of_Jactj they^J^^ a 

"th ou sand'years_iJ[rom one generation to ajnother. 
runclerstate3rt7^i''5 lor Tear she mfglit suppose I 
was lying to her. 

{open-mouthed) Heaven save us I How many years 
will he live himself, when his sons live so long ? 
Mv girl, I was born on the day after Ops was 
del i verecLjlLJLu^iter, 

rTTie had been born the day before Jupiter, it's 
lie would be reigning in Heaven. 
{overco7ne) Enough, enough, now, I pray you ! Let 
me leave your presence, if I may, alive ! •" 
Why don't you leave, then, seeing you have your 
answer } 

{to Pyrgopolynices) I'll go and get the lady in 
whose behalf I'm acting, sir. Is there anything 
else you wish, sir ? 
{with a sigh) That I may be no handsomer than I 

Jam ! Ah yes, my beauty is an endless source of 

■j trouble to me. 
{to the 7-apl Milphidippa) Why do you stand here 
now ? Why don't you go ? 

{reluctantly withdrawing her gaze from the soldier) I 
am going. 

( following her toward the door) Yes, and further- 
more — are you listening ? In telling her, show 
some acuteness and art, so as to make her heart 
dance within her — {in a lower tone) if Philocomasium 

U is there, tell her to go over to our house : say he's 

I'here. 
{in a low tone) She is here {indicating Periplectomenus s 
house) with my mistress ; they've been overhearing 
our conversation from under cover here. 
Delightful ! Now they'll steer a better course 
later on, from hearing us. 

241 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Milpk. Remorare, abeo. — 

Pal. Neque te remoror neque tango neque te — taceo. 



IV. 3. 



lube maturare illam exire hue. iam istic rei 

praevortemur. 
Quid nunc mi es auctor ut faciam, Palaestrio, 
de concubina ? nam nullo pacto potest 
prius haec in aedis i*ecipi quam illam amiserim. 
Quid me consultas quid agas ? dixi equidem tibi 
quo id pacto fieri possit clementissime. 
aurum atque vestem muliebrem omnem habeat 

sibi, 
quae illi instruxisti : sumat^ habeat, auferat ; 11 

/ dicasque tempus maxunie esse, ut eat domum ; 
' sororem geminam adesscet matrem dicito, j (^ 

quibus concomitata recte deveniat domum. ''^^k « 
Qui tu scis eas adesse ? ' -^ <>_ 

Quia oculis meis 
vidi hie sororem esse eius. 

Convenitne eam ? 
Convenit. 

Ecquid fortis visast ? 

Omnia 
vis optinere. 

Vbi matrem esse aiebat soror ? 
Cubare in navi lippam atque oculis turgidis 
nauclerus dixit, qui illas advexit, mihi. 
is ad hos nauclerus hospitio devortitur. 1] 

242 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

k. (hiidhj, ajf'cctbig impatience) You're delaying me ; 

I'm going. 

{(tmorously , as she leaves) I'm neither delaying you, 

nor touching you, noi* — enough said. 

[exit Milphidippa , 
e 3. 

(calling after her) Bid her make haste and come 

out here. This affair shall have our primary 

attention now. {struts about, then nmrriedly) 

Palaestrio, what do you now recommend that I 

do regarding my mistress ? For it is perfectly 

impossible for this lady to be received into my 

house before I get rid of her. 

Why consult me about what to do, sir .'' I've told 

you, you know, how the matter can be handled 

most considerately. All the jewellery and clothes 

you fitted her out with, let her keep. Let her 

take 'em, keep 'em, carry 'em off; and tell her it's 

just the time for her to go home: say her twin 

sister and her mother ai-e here and she can reach 

home quite comfortably in their company. 

How do you know they are here ? 

Because I saw her sister here with my own eyes, 

sir. 

Have they met ? 

Yes, sir. 

(lickerishly) A fine, strapping wench ? Eh, what ? 

{reprovingly) You want to get hold of everything, 

sir. 

Where did the sister say her mother was ? 

She's abed on board the ship, sir, with her eyes 

all sore and swollen, according to the skipper who 

brought them here. He's stopping with these 

neighbours of ours, {nodding toward Periplecto-- 

menus's house) 

243 

i R 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quid is? ecquid fortis ? 

/ Abi sis hinCj nam tu quidem 

ad equas fuisti scitus admissarius, 
qui consectare qua maris qua feminas. 
hoc age nunc. 

Istuc quod das consilium mihi, 
te cum ilia verba facere de ista re volo ; 
nam cum ilia sane congruos sermo tibi. 
Qui potius quam tute adeas, tuam rem tute agas? 
dicas uxorem tibi necessum ducere ; 
cognatos persuadere, amicos cogere. 
Itan tu censes ? 

Quid ego ni ita censeam ? 1 ] 

Ibo igitur intro. tu hie ante aedis interim 
speculare, ut, ubi illaec prodeat, me provoces. 
Tu modo istuc cura quod agis. 

Cui'atum id quidemst. 
quin si voluntate nolet, vi extrudam foras. 
Istuc cave faxis ; quin potius per gratiam 
bonam abeat abs te. atque illaec quae dixi dato^ 
aurum, ornamenta quae illi instruxisti ferat. 
Cupio hercle. 

Credo te facile impetrassere. 
sed abi intro. noli stare. 

Tibi sum oboediens. 
Numquid videtur demutare alio atque uti T 

dixi esse vobis dudum hunc moechum militem ? 
nunc ad me ut veniat usust Acroteleutium aut 
ancillula eius aut Pleusicles. pro luppiter, 
244 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

How about him? A fine, strapping lad, is he ? 
Oil, now, now, sir ! You've certainly been a rare 
stallion, that's sure, the way you run after every- 
thing, male and female. Do get 3own to business 
now, sir ! 

(deciding not to be angry) As to that advice you 
give me — I want you to discuss the matter with 
lier yourself; for you are an ideal person to parley 
with her. 

How is that better than going to her yourself, 
sir, and managing your own affair yourself? Say- 
it's necessary for you to marrj- ; your relatives 
urge it, your friends force it upon you. 
{reluctant) That is your opinion ? 
Of course it is, sir. 

{gathering himself together) I will go inside, then. 
You keep watch in front of the house, meanwhile, 
so as to call me out when the other one comes out. 
(reassuri7igly) Just you see to your part of the 
business, sir. 

{nith affected ease) Oh, that is seen to. Why, if 
she declines to go of her own free will, I shall put 
her out by force. 

Oh, sir, don't do that ! No, no, do let her leave 
you on good terms. And give her those things 
i spoke of; let her take away the jewellery and 
finery you furnished her with. 
Lord ! I only hope she will ! 

I think you'll easily prevail upon her, sir. But 
do go in, sir. Don't keep standing here. 
I am yours to command, [exit slowly into house. 
{blithely, to audience) Does this wenching warrior 
seem to fall at all short of Avhat I told you he was 
a while ago ? Now for Acroteleutium to appear, 
or that little maid of hers, or Pleusicles I {Peri- 

245 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

\ ' satine ut Commoditas usquequaque me adiuvat ? 
nam quos videre exoptabam me maxume, 
una exeuntis video hinc e proxumo. 

IV. 4. 

Act: Sequimini, simul circumspicite, ne quis adsit 

arbiter. 
Milpk. Neminem pol video, nisi hunc quern volumus 

conventum. 
Pal. Et ego vos. 

Milph. Quid agis, noster architecte ? 
Pal. Egone architectus ? vali. 

Milph. I Quid est ? 

Pah I Quia enim non sum dignus prae te, ut figam palum 

J in parietem. ' XI 

Act. Heia vero. 
Pal. Nimis facete nimisque facunde malast. 

ut lepide deruncinavit militem. 
Milph. At etiam parum. 

Pal. Bono animo es : negotium omne iam succedit sub 
manus ; 
vos modo porro, ut occepistis, date operam 

adiutabilem. 
nam ipse miles concubinam intro abiit oratum 

suam, 
ab se ut abeat cum sorore et matre Athenas. 
PI. Eu, pi'obe. 

Pal. Quin etiam aurum atque ornamenta, quae ipse 
instruxit, mulieri 
omnia dat dono, a se ut abeat : ita ego consilium 
dedi. 
PL Facile istuc quidemst, si et ilia volt et ille autem 

cupit. 
Pal. Non tu scis, quom ex alto puteo sursum ad summum 

escenderiSj j 

246 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

plectomenits s door opens) Oh Jupiter ! The timely 
aid I'm getting everywhere ! VVhy I see the very 
people I particularly yearned to see^ all coming 
out of the house next door here. 

le 4. ENTER Acroteleuliiim cautiously, with 

Milphidippa, and Pleusicles. 

{to her companions) Come along, and look around 
at the same time to see there's no one here to spy 
on us. 

)h. Not a soul do I see, I vow, except the man we 
want to meet. 
And I you. 

)/i. How goes it, master-builder .'^ 
I the master-builder ? Bosh ! 

)/i. What makes you say that ? 

Why, because compared with you I'm not fit to 

pound a peg in a wall ! 

Oh, come now, really ! 

Oh, she's the smoothest rogue ! How delightfully 

she did trim the warrior ! 

)h. Not enough yet, though. 

Cheer up ! The whole affair is shaping itself well 
now ; only keep on giving it a helping hand, as 
you have so far. Our soldier, you know, has gone 
inside to (chuckling) entreat his mistress to leave 
him and go to Athens with her sister and mother. 
Fine ! Splendid ! 

More than that, he^ made her a present of all the 
jewellery and finery he fitted her out with, as an 
inducement to leave him : that was my suggestion. 
Her leaving is easy enough, if she wishes it, while 
he's crazy for it. 

Don't you know, sir, it's when you've climbed out 
of a deep well, right up to the top, that at the top 

347 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

maxumum periclum inde esse ab summo ne rusum 

cadas ? 
/'nunc haec res apud summum puteum geritur : si 

praesenserit 
miles, nihil ecferri poterit huius y nunc cum 

maxume 
opust dolis : domi esse ad earn rem video silvai satis, 
mulieres tres, quartus tute es, quintus ego, sextus 

senex ; 
quod apud nos fallaciarum sex situmst, certo scio 
oppidum quodvis, si detur, posse expugnari dolis. 
date modo operam. 

Id nos ad te, si quid velles, venimus. 
Lepide facitis. nunc banc tibi ego inipero jiro- 

vinciam. 
Impetrabis, imperator, quod ego potero, quod voles, jj 
Militem lepide, et facete et laute ludificarier 
volo. 

Voluptatem mecastor mi imperas. 

Scin quern ad modum.'' 
Nempe ut adsimulem me amore istius difFerri. 

Tenes. 
Quasique istius causa amoris ex hoc matrimonio 
abierim, cupiens istius nuptiarum. 

Omne ordine. 
nisi modo unum hoc : hasce esse aedis dicas dotalis 

tuas, 
hinc senem aps te abiisse, postquam feceris 

divortium : 
ne ille mox vereatur intro ire in alienam domum. 
Bene mones. 

Sed ubi ille exierit intus, istinc te procul 
ita volo adsimulare, prae illiue foi'ma quasi spernas 

tuam 1 1 



34S 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

the danger's greatest of your falling down again ? 

We have our affair at the top of the well now : if 

the soldier gets suspicious, it'll all escape us. 

Now's the time when we most need to be artful. 

I see we have at hand enough material for our 

siege — three women, you, sir, for a fourth, me for 

a fifth, and the old gentleman for a sixth ; with 

the stratagems we six have to draw on, I know for 

sure that whatever city should be assigned us can be 

captured by our arts. Only give me your attention. 

That's why we are here, to learn your wishes. 

Delightful of you ! Now this is the mission I 

command {to Acroteleiitium) you to undertake, / 

Your desires shall be compassed, commander mine, 

to the best of my ability. 

I desire our soldier to be delightfully, cleverly, 

and superbly swindled. 

Goodness me ! Your command is a I'leasure. 

You know how t 

By pretending that I'm rent with passion for him, 

of course. 

Precisely. 

And that this passion has made me divorce my 

husband (^ivith a nod toward Peripleclomenus's house) 

in my longing to marry him. 

Quite correct. There's only one more point, 

though — say that this house {ijidicnting that of 

Periplectomouis) is part of your dowry, and the old 

man leftyou and^went aw*y_ after you divorced 

him^r-'i^Vemustn't have our warrior timid about 

entering another man's house later on. ^ 

A good suggestion ! 

But when he comes out, I want you to stay there 

at a distance and pretend to scorn your own 

beauty in comparison with his, and to be awed 

249 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

quasique eius opulentitatem reverearis, et simul 
formam, amoenitatem illius^ faciem, pulchritudinem 
conlaudato. satin praeceptumst ? 
Acr. Teneo. satinest, si tibi 

meum opus ita dabo expolitum, ut improbare non 
queas ? 
Pal, Sat habeo. nunc tibi vicissim quae imperabo ea 
discito. 
quom extemplo hoc erit factum, ubi intro haec 

abierit, ibi tu ilico 
facito uti. venias ornatu hue ad nos nauclerico ; 
causeam habeas ferrugineani, et scutulam ob oculos 

laneain, 
palHohiin habeas ferrugineum (nam is colos thalas- 

sicust), 
id conexum in umero laevo, exfafillato bracchio, 
praecinctus ahqui : adsimulato quasi gubernator 

sies : 
atque apud hunc senem omnia haec sunt, nam is 
piscatores habet. 
PI. Quid? ubi ero exornatus quin tu dicis quid 

facturus sim ? 
Pal. Hue venito et matris verbis Philocomasium 
arcessito, 
ut, si itura sit Athenas, eat tecum ad portum cito, 
atque ut iubeat ferri in navim si quid imponi 

veht. 
nisi eat, te soluturum esse navira : ventum operam 
dare. 
PI. Satis placet pictura. perge. 

Pal. I lie extemplo illam hortabitur 

ut eat, ut pvoperet, ne morae sit matri. 
PL ^ Multimodis sapis. '. 

Pal. Ego illi dicam, ut me adiutorem, qui onus feram 
ad jTOrtum, voget. 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

by his opulence, and you must be full of praise, 

too, of his lovely person and handsome face. Are 

you coached enough ? 

Yes indeed. Will it be enough if I produce a 

piece of work so finished that you can't find 

a faul t in it ? 

Quite enough. Now, sir, {turning to Pleusides) it 

is your turn to learn my conmiands. Just as soon 

as all this is done and she (indicating Acroteleutium) 

has gone inside, you are to come to us here at 

once, in shipmaster's togs : wear a broad-brimmed, 

rust-coloured hat, a woollen jKitcli over your eveSj^__ 

and a short, ni^t-coloui'ttT cloal< — tliat's the iiiari- 

time sliadc — this to be fastened cai jour left 

shoulder, with an arm stuck out ; and eontrixe 

to' be all liulit and trim. You're to ])retend to 

be the niastei- ot' a slilp. The old gentleman lias 

all these thingSj for so me of his slaves are, 

fishejmeii. • " 

Well ? Why don't you tell me what to do when 

I'm in those togs ? 

Come here for Philocomasium, in her mother's 

name, and tell her if she intends to go to Athens 

to hurry to the harbour with you, and to order 

anything she wants put aboard to be carried to 

the ship. Say that if she's not going, you will 

cast off directly, there being a fair wind, v^ 

A very pleasing picture ! Proceed. 

The soldier will promjitly urge her to go, to hurry 

up, so as not to keep her mother waiting.*^ 

There's no limit to your foresight I ' 

I'll tell her to ask for my assistance in carrying 

her luggage to the harbour. And to the harbour 



251 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ille iubeint me ire cum ilia ad portura. ego adeo, 

ut tu scias, 
jirorsum Athenas protinus abibo tecum. 
PI. Atque ubi illo veneris, 

triduom servire numquam te^ quin liber sis, sinam. 
Pal. Abi eito atque orna te. 
PL Numquid aliud ? 

Pal. ' Haec ut memineris. 

PL Abeo.— 

Pal. / Et vos abite hinc intro actutum ; nam ilium 
/; hue sat scio 
V /I'lam exiturum esse intus. 
Act. Celebre apud nos iniperium tuomst. 

Pal. Agite abscedite ergo, ecce autem commodum 
aperitur foris. 
hilarus exit : imj^etravit. inhiat quod nusquam 
est miser. 



IV. 5. 

Pyrg. Quod volui ut volui impetravi, per amicitiam et 
gratiam, 
a Philocomasio. 
PaL Quid tam intus fuisse te dicam diu ? 

Pyrg. Numquam ego me tam sensi amari quam nunc ab 

ilia muliere. 
Pal. Quid iam .'' 

Pyrg. Vt multa verba feci, ut lenta materies fuit. 

verum postremo impetravi ut volui : donavi 

dedi 
quae voluit, quae postulavit; te quoque ei dono 
dedi. 
Pal. Etiam me .'' quo mode ego vivam sine te ? 
Pyrg. Age, animo bono es, 

252 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

he'll order me to go with her. And then, sir, — 
let me tell you this — I'm sti'aightway off with you, 
bound straight for Athens. 

[heartilt)) Yes, and when you arrive there I'll » 
never let you slave it three days longer without t' 
settinjf you free. 

Quick now, sir, be off and put on your togs. 
{turning to go) Anything else ? 
Yes — remember all this. 

I'm off. [exit into Peripledomemis s house. 

{to the girls) You be off inside, too, this instant, 
for I know well enough our soldier will soon be 
coming out. 

Y^our commands are sacred to us, sir. 
{grinning) Come, come, clear out, then. [exeunt. 
{glancing at the soldier's house) But look ! There's 
the door opening just at the proper time ! Out 
he comes in fine feather ! His prayer is granted ! 
Gaping after a fantasy, poor fool ! 

5. enter Pyrgopolynices. 

Well, Philocomasium has granted my wish just 
as I wished, in all friendliness and good will. 
What on earth kept you in there so long, sir.'' 
{very smug) I never realized till now how much 
that woman loved me. 
How is that, sir ? 

How I did have to talk and talk ! What stubborn 
stuff she was to deal with ! However, I finally 
gained my point in the way I wished : I granted 
her, gave her, all she wished, all she asked for. 
I gave you to her, also, as a gift. 

U {taken off his guard) Me, too } {quickly) Oh, how > 

' can I live without you, sir ? 
{syjnpathetic) Come, come, be of good cheer ! I 

253 



\ 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 



^eidem ego te illim liberabo. nam si possein ullo 

modo 

impetrare ut abiret, ne te abduceret, operam dedi ; 
varum oppressit. 
Pal. Deos sperabo teque. postrerao tamen 

etsi istuc mi acerbumst, quia ero te carendim est 

Optimo, 
saltern id volup est, quom ex virtute formae evenit 

tibi ~ 

mea opera super hac vicina, quam ego nunc 
concilio tibi. 

-f*3"o- Quid opust verbis ? libertatem tibi ego et divitias 
dabo, 
si impetras. 
Pal. Reddam impetratum. 

Pyrg. At gestio. 

Pal- At modice decet : 

moderare animo, ne sis cupidus. sed eccam ipsam, 
egreditur foras. 

IV. 6. 

Milpfi. Era, eccum j^raesto militem. 

Act: Vbi est ? 

Milph. Ad laevam. 

Acr. Video. 

Milph. Aspicito limis ^, ne ille nos se sentiat videre. 

Act: Video, edepol nunc nos tempus est malas peioris 

fi^ri. 
Milph. Tuomst principium. 
Acr. Obsecro, tute ipsum convenisti ? 

ne parce vocem, ut audiat. 
Milph. Cum ipso pol sum locuta, 

placide, ipsi dum libitum est mihi, otiose, meo 
arbitratu." 

^ Leo brackets following oculis. 
'■^ Leo brackets following ut volui. 
254 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

shall obtain your release from her, trust me. As 
a matter of fact, I endeavoured in every way to 
gain her consent to go without taking you with 
her ; but she was too much for me. 
{trying to resign himself) My hopes will rest in 
heaven and you, sir. But at any rate, sir, bitter 
though it is to me to be deprived of such a 
wonderful master as you, this at least is a joy to 
me — that your own irresistible beauty, and my 
efforts, have brought you this affair with our 
neighbour whom I'm now securing for you. 
Enough said. You shall be a free man, and a 
wealthy one, if you carry it through. 
Carried through it shall be, sir. 
But I'm aching for her ! 

Gently, sir, gently ! Get yourself under control, 
and don't be too eager, (pointing) Aha, though ! 
There she is coming out. {they step back) 

ENTER Milphidippa and Acroteleidium. 

{seeing them ; aside to Acroteletitium) There's the 
soldier all ready for you, ma'am ! 
{looking about, covertly) Where } 
To the left, 
I see him. 

Look at him sideways so that he won't realize we 
see him. 

{doing so) I see him. Well, well ! Now's the 
time for two bad girls to become still worse. 
You must lead off. 

{aloud, awed) Oh heavens ! You met him, your- 
self.^ {aside to Milphidippa) Don't spare your 
voice ; make him hear us. 

{proudly) I talked with him in person, ma'am, 
I did indeed, calmly, ma'am, just as long as I 
liked, quite at my ease, quite as I saw fit. 

255 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pyrg. Audiii quae loquitur ? 

Pal. Audio, quam laeta est, quia ted adiit. 

Acr. O, fortunata mulier es. 
Pyrg. Vt amari videor. 

Pal. Dignu's, 

Acr. Permirum ecastor praedicas, te adiisse atque 
exorasse ; 
per epistulam aut per nuntium, quasi regem, adiri 
eum aiunt. 
Milph. Namque edepol vix fuit copia adeundi atque 

impetrandi. 
Pal. Vt tu inclitu's apud mulieres. 

Pyrg. Patiar, quando ita Venus volt. 

Acr. Veneri pol liabeo gratiam, eandemque et oro et 
\ quaeso, 

\j\ ut eius mihi sit copia quern amo quemque 
expetesso "" 
benignusque erga me ut siet, quod cupiam ne 
-\ gravetur. 
Milph. Spero ita futurum, quamquam ilium multae sibi 
expetessunt : 
ille illas spernit segregat ab se omnis, extra te 
unam. 
Acr. Ergo iste metus me macerat, quod ille fastidiosust, 
ne oculi eius sententiam mutent, ubi viderit me, 
atque eius elegantia meam extemplo speciem 
spernat. 
Milph. Non faeiet, bonum animum habe.^ 
Pyrg. Vt ipsa se contemnit. 

Acr. Metuo, ne praedicatio tua nunc meam formam 
exsuperet. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : {^modoy bonum Leo. 
256 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

[aside to Palaeslrio, complacently) You hear what 

she says ? 

I do, sir. How happy she is at having approached 

you ! 

Oh, you fortunate woman ! 

{aside to Palaestrio) How the women do seem 

to love me ! 

You deserve it, sir. 

My goodness ! That is a most amazing story that 

you had" access to him and prevailed upon him. 

Why, they say he is addressed only by dispatch 

or envoy, just like a king. 

No doubt, for, dear me, such a time as I had 

approaching him and winning his consent ! 

[aside to the soldier) How renowned you are, sir, 

amongst the ladies ! 

(devouth/) I must resign myself, since such is the 

will of Venus. 

Ah, I offer thanks to Venus, and beg and entreat 

her that I may win the man I love and yearn for, 

and that he may be gracious to me, and not grudge 

me my desire. 

1 hope it will be so, ma'am, although there 

are many women that yearn for him : but he 

scorns them, spurns them all, ma'am, except you 

alone. 

(despairingly) Ah, that, that disdain of his, is just 

what makes me suffer so from fear that his eyes 

may make him change his mind, on seeing me, 

and that a man of his fine taste may spurn my 

poor attractions instantly. 

No he won't, ma'am ; do cheer up. 

How little she thinks of her own charms ! 

I fear me your description flattered such beauty 

as I have. 

257 
VOL. ni. s 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Milph. Istuc curavi, ut opinione illius pulchrior sis. 
Acr. Si pol me nolet ducere uxorem, genua amplectar 

atque obsecrabo ; alio modo^ si non quibo impetrare, 1 
eonsciscam letum : vivere sine illo scio me non 
posse. 
Pyrg. Prohibendam mortem mulieri video, adibon ? 
Pal. Mini me ; 

nam tu te vilem feceris, si te ultvo largiere : , 
sine ultro veniat ; quaeritet, desideret^ exspectct 
sine : perdere istam gloriam vis, quam habes ? 

cave sis faxis. 
nam nulli mortali scio obtigisse hoc, nisi diiobus, 
tibi et Phaoni Lesbio, tam muber se ut amaret. 
Acr. Eo intro, aut tu ilium hue evoca foras, mea 
Milphidippa. 
Immo oppeviamur, dum exeat aliquis. 

Durare nequeo, 
quin earn intro. 

Occlusae sunt foris. 

Exfringam. 

Sana non es. 12 
Si amavit umquam aut si parem sapientiam habet 

ac formani, 
per amorem si quid fecero, dementi animo ignoscet. 
Vt, quaeso, amore perditast tuo misera. 

Mutuom fit. 
Tace, ne audiat. 

^ Said to be the lover of Sappho. 
258 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

I took care he shouldn't fancy you as pretty as 
you are, ma'am. 

If he's unwillmg to take me for his wife, I vow 
I'll clasp his knees and implore his pity." Other- 
wise — if I cannot prevail upon him — I will do 
myself to death ; for I know I can never live 
without him. 

(aside to Palaestrio) I must not let the woman die, 
surely. Shall I approach her? 
By no means, sir. VVhy, you'll cheapen youi'self, 
if you lavish yourself, unasked. Let her come to 
you, unasked ; let her do the seeking and pining 
and waiting. Do you want to lose that reputation 
that you have ? Please, sir, don't do it. For I 
am sure that no mortal man save two — yourself 
and Lesbian Phaon ^ — has had the fortune to be 
so loved by woman. 

{iinth desperate resolution) Milphidippa dear, call 
him out here, or else I'll go in to him. 
No, no, ma'am ! Let's wait till somebody comes 
out. 

{vehemently) I can't contain myself I I must go 
in! 

The doors are closed. 
I'll break them open. 
You're mad, ma'am ! 

{nildly) If he has ever loved, or if he has an 
understanding equal to his beauty, he will be 
compassionate and pardon me for what I shall 
have done through the love of him ! (advances 
toward the soldier's house) 

(aside to Pijrgopolynices) For mercy's sake, sir, how 
desperately the poor creature does dote on you ! 
(feverish) And I on her ! 
Hush, sir ! She mustn't hear you ! 

2.59 
s 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Milp/i. Quid astitisti obstupida ? cur non jiultas ? 

Acr. Quia non est intus quem ego volo. 

Milph. Qui scis ? 

Acr. Scio pol ego, olfacio ; 

nam odore nasum sentiat, si intus sit. 
Pal. Hariolatur. 

Pyrg. Quia me amat^ propterea Venus fecit earn ut 

divinaret. 
Acr. Nescio ubi hie prope adest quem expeto videre : 

olet profecto. 
Pyrg. Naso pol iam haec quidem plus videt quam oculis. 
Pal. Caeca amore est. 

Acr. Tene me obsecro. 
Milph. Quor ? 

Acr. Ne cadam. 

Milph. Quid ita? 

Acr. Quia stare nequeo, 12 

ita animus per oculos meos mens defit. 
Milph. Militem pol 

tu aspexisti. 
Acr. Ita. 

Milph. Non video, ubi est } 

Acr. Videres pol, si amares. 

Milph. Non edepol tu ilium magis amas, quam ego amem, 

si per te liceat. 
Pal. Omnes profecto mulieres te amant, ut quaeque 
aspexit. 

260 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

(as Acroteleutnon suddenly halts) Why have you 
stopi)ed there, ma'am, stupefied? Why don't 
you knock ? 

{as in a trance) Because he whom I want is not 
witliin. 

How do 3'ou know ? 

I know, ah Heavens, I know ! I can smell. Yes, 
yes, my nose would detect it from the odour, 
were he within ! 

(aside to Pyrgopolynices) She has second sight, 
sir. 

Because she loves me, she is therefore endowed 
by Venus with powers of divination. 
[sniffing delicately) Somewhere hereabout is the 
man I yearn to see ! I smell him, I do, I do ! 
{aside to Palaestiio) Upon my soul, the woman 
actually sees better with her nose than eyes ! 
Love blinds her, sir. 

{catching sight of the soldier) Hold me, hold me, 
for heaven's sake ! {ahoid to swoon) 
{supporting her) Why ? 
{weakly) Or I'll fall! 
What for ? 

Because I cannot stand — so do my senses fail me 
by reason of my eyes ! 

{after a moment of mystification) Heavens ! 
You've spied the soldier ! {looks about) 
Yes! 

I don't see him. Where is he ? 
Ah me ! You would see him, if you loved 
him ! 

Goodness gracious, ma'am, you don't love him 
any more than I would, if you gave me leave, 
{aside to Pyrgopolynices) All the women certainly 
do fall in love with you at first sight, sir ! 

261 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pyrg. Nescio, tu ex me hoc audiveris an non : nepos sum 

Veneris. 
Acr. Mea Milphidippa^ adi obsecro et congredere. 
Pyrg. Vt me veretiir. 

Pal. Ilia ad nos pergit. 
Milph. Vos volo. 

Pyrg. Et nos te. 

Milph. Vt iussisti, 

eram meam eduxi foras. 
Pyrg. Video. 

Milph. lube ergo adire. 

Pyrg. Induxi in animum, ne oderim item ut alias^ quando 

orasti. 
Milph. Verbum edepol facere non potis, si accesserit 

prope ad te. ] 

dum te obtuetur^ interim linguam oculi prae- 

ciderunt. 
Pyrg. Levandum morbum mulieri video. 
Milph. Vt tremit atque extimuit, 

postquam te aspexit, 
Pyrg. Vua-<juoque armati idem istuc faciunt^ 

ne tu mirere\^eius mulierem. sed quid ilia volt me 

facere ? 
Milph. Ad se ut eas : tecum vivere volt atque aetatem 

exigere. 
Pyrg. Egon ad illam earn, quae nupta sit? vir eius me 

deprehendat. 
Milph. Quin tua causa exegit virum ab se. 
Pyrg. Qui id facere potuit? 

Milph. Quia aedis dotalis huius sunt. 

262 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

{confidentially) I do not know whether I have 
informed you of it or not — but I am the grandson 
of Venus. 

[trembling) Milpliidippa^ dear, approach him, go 
up to him, I beseech you ! {gazes upon him, en- 
tranced, throughout the scene) 
{aside to Palaestrio) How I do awe her ! 
{as Milphidippa nears them) She's making for us. 
{pleadingly) I want you, sirs. 
{ogling her) And we you ! 

1 have brought my mistress out, as you bade me, 
sir. 

{repenting of his ardour) So I perceive. 
Then do bid her approach, sir. 
I have prevailed upon myself not to loathe her as 
I do the others, since you have pleaded for her. 

Dear me, sir, she won't be able to utter a single 

word, i f she on ce comes near you. W hile she gazes 

upon you, sir, litif Hyey have meanwhile cut off He r" 

tongue. 

The woman's ailment must be alleviated, I per- 
ceive. 

How tremulous and terror-stricken she was 

when she beheld you ! 

{sublime) So also are armed warriors wont to be ; 

wonder not at this terror in a woman. But what 

does she wish me to do ? 

To go to her house, sir : she wants to live with 

you, to pass her whole life with you. 

{alarmed) I go to her house — a married woman .'' 

Her husband would discover me. 

But she has put her husband out for your sake, 

sir. 1^ 

How could she do that .-' 

Because the house is part of her dowry. 

263 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pyrg. Itane ? 

Milph. Ita pol. 

Pyrg. lube domum ire 

iani ego illi ero. 
Milph. Vide ne sies in exspectatione, 

ne illam animi excrucies, 
Pyrg. Non ero profecto. abite. 

Milph. Abimus. ] 

Pyrg. Sed quid ego video ? 
Pal. Quid vides ? 

Pyrg. Nesio quis eccum incedit 

ornatu quidem thalassico. 
Pal. It ad nos, volt te profecto. 

nauclerus hie quidem est. 
Pyrg. Videlicet accersit banc iam. 

Pal. Credo. 



IV. 7. 

PI. Alium alio pacto {)ropter amorem ni sciam 

fecisse multa nequiter, verear magis 
me amoris causa boo ornatu incedere. 
verum quom multos multa admisse acceperim 
inbonesta propter amorem atque aliena a bonis : 
mitto iam, ut occidi Acbilles civis passus est — 
sed eccum Palaestrionem, stat cum milite : 
oratio alio mibi demutandast mea. 

mulier profecto natast ex ipsa Mora ; 
nam quaevis alia quae morast aeque, mora 
264 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Indeed ? 

Oh, yes indeed, sir. 

{sfruggling against his elation) Bid her go home. I 
will be there shortly. 

Do see you don't keep her waiting, sir, or you'll 
make her suffer agonies. 
No, no, I will not. Be off with you ! 
[rejoining the dazed Acrotelentimn) We're going, sir. 
[e-xeunt, Acroteleutium suppofited by Mil- 

phidippa, her languishing gaze still 

FIXED UPON Pyrgopolynices. 
{looking down the street) But what is this I see } 
What do you see, sir ? 

(pointing) Look ! Someone or other is striding up 
— and in sailor's togs ! 

He's making for our house ! He wants you, sir, 
that's clear. Why, it's that shipmaster ! 
Coming to fetch the wench now, no doubt ! 
I do believe so. (they step back) 

7. ENTER Pleusicles. 

{aside, not seei?ig them) If I weren't aware that love 
has led other men to play all sorts of other scurvy 
tricks, I'd have more scruples over my own love's 
making me parade about in this rig. But cdn- 
sidering the many men Ive heard of who've done 
many dishonourable things, indecent things, be- 
cause of love — not to mention how Achilles let his 
own compatriots be s lauglitered — {seeing Paiaestrio 
and the soldier) Aha, though ! "Palaestrio standing 
there with the soldier ! I must change the tenor 
of my remarks ! 

{loudly and irritably^ Woman is certainly the 
daughter of Delay personified ! Why, any other 
delay, even one of equal length, seems shorter 

265 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

minor ea videtur quam quae propter mulieremst. 

hoc adeo fieri credo consuetudine. 

nam ego hanc accerso Philocomasium. sed fores 

pultabo. heus, ecqiiis hie est? 
Pal. AdulescenSj quid est? 

quid vis ? quid pultas ? 
PI. Philocomasium quaerito. 

a matre illius venio. si iturast, eat. 

omnis moratur : navim cupimus solvere. 1 

Pyi'g. lam dudura res j)aratast. i, Palaestrio, 

aurum, ornamenta, vestem, pretiosa omnia 

due adiutores tecum ad navim qui ferant. 

omnia conposita sunt quae donavi : auferat. 
Pal. Eo. 

PI. Quaeso hercle propera, 

Pyrg. Non morabitur. 

quid istuc, quaeso ? quid oculo factumst tuo ? 
PI. Habeo equidem hercle oculum. 

Pyrg. At laevom dico. 

PI. Eloquar. 

maris causa hercle hoc ego oculo utor minus, 
j nam si abstinuissem amare, tamquam-hoc uterer. 

sed nimis morantur me diu. 
Pyrg. Eccos exeunt. 1 

Pal. Quid modi flendo quaeso hodie facies ? 

266 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

than that a woman lets you in for. I really do 

believe they do it just out of habit. Islow here's 

my case — ^^come to fetch this Philocomasium. {looks 

about for her disgustedly) But I'll knock at the 

door, {does so) Hello ! Is anyone here ? 

{stepping up to him) What's the matter, sir ? What 

do you want .'' What are you knocking for .^ 

{brusquely) I'm looking for Philocomasium. I 

come from her mother. If she's going, she must 

go now. She's delaying everyone : we want to 

cast off. 

We have been ready this long time. Palaestrio, 

go get some assistants to help you to carry her 

things to the ship, her jewellery, trinkets, clothes, 

all her valuables. All the stuff I gave her is 

packed up : let her take it away. 

Going, sir. [exit, 

{shouting after him) And for God's sake, hurry ! 

He will not keep you waiting, {interested in 

Pleusicles's bandage) What ails you, pray ? What 

have you done with your eyes .'' 

{lifting the bandage a bit from his right eye, which is 

more exposed) Lord, man, I have an eye, all right. 

But the left one, I mean. 

Well, I'll tell you. It was my love of the deep, 

by gad, that cost me the full use of this eye, for if 

it wasn't for this deep-love of mine, I'd be using 

it as well as the other one. {hastily) But they're 

keeping me too long ! 

{as his door opens) Look, there they come. 

(to Philocomasium, in the doorway) For heaven's 

sake, ma'am, will you never cease weeping ? 

267 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

IV. 8. 

Phil. Quid ego ni fleam ? 

ubi puleherrume egi aetatem^ abeo. 
Pal. Em hominem tibi, 

qui a matre et sorore venit. 
Phil. Video. 

Pyi'g. Audin, Palaestrio? 

Pal. Quid vis ? 

Pyrg. Quill tu iubes ecferri omnia quae isti dedi? 

PI. Philocomasiumj salve. 

Phil. Et tu salve. 

PI. Materque et soror 

tibi salutem me iusserunt dicere. 
Phil. Salvae sient. 

PI. Orant te, ut eas, ventus o])eram dum dat^ ut velum 

explicejit ; 

nam matri oculi si valerent, mecum venissent simul. 
Phil. Ibo ; quamquam invita facio^ impietas sit nisi eam. 
PI. Sapis. 

Pyrg. Si non mecum aetatem egisset, liodie stulta viveret. 
Phil. Istuc crucioi% a viro me tali abalienarier, 

nam tu quemvis potis es facere ut afluat facetiis ; 

et quia tecum eram, propterea animo eram ferocior : 

eam nobilitatem amittendam video. 
Pyrg. Ne fle. 

Phil. Non quae, 

quom te video. 

268 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

'. ENTER Palaesirio and Philocomasium. 

{sobbing biUerly) How can I help . , . weeping? 
Life lias been . . . oh, so . . . beautiful here, 
and now I'm . . . going away ! 
{pointing to Pleusicles) Look I , There's the man 
who's come from your mother and sister. 
I . . . see him. 

{calling) Palaestrio ! Do you hear me .'' 
What is it, sir ? 

Why do you not order all the things I gave her to 
be carried out ? {Palaestiio goes to the door and 
gives instructions to slaves within) 
Good day, Philocomasium. 
Good day to . . . you, sir. 

Your mother and sister told me to give you their 
best wishes. 
They have . . . mine. 

They beg you to come while there's a fair wind, 
so that they may set sail. If your mother's eyes 
had been in condition, they would have come 
along with me, of course. 

I'll ... go. Although I go . . unwillingly, it 
would be . . . undutiful not to go. 
That's a sensible girl. 

But she would be a simpleton still, if she had not 
lived with me. 

{adoringly) That is what . . . torments me — to be 
. . . separated from such a man as . . . you — for 
you can make . . . anyone {glancing slyly at 
Pleusicles) clever as can be. And because I was 
with . . . you, it did make me so ... so proud, 
and now I see I must . . . forfeit that . . . dis- 
tinction. {Breaks down entirely) 
{condolingly) Don't cry. 
I can't . . . help it, when I . . . look at you ! 

269 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Py>'g. Habe bonum animuin. 

Phil. Scio ego quid doleat milii. 

Pal. Nam nil miror, si libenterj Philocomasium^ hie 
eras, 

si forma huius, mores, virtus, animum attinuere hie 
tuom, 

quom ego servos quando aspieio huiic, lacrumo 
quia diiungimur. 
Phil. Obseero licet complecti prius quam proficisco ? 
Pyrg. Licet. 

Phil. O mi ocule, o mi anime. 
Pfil. Obseero, tene mulierem, 

ne adfligatur. 
Pyi'g- Quid istuc quaesost ? 

Pal' Quia abs te abit, animo male 

factum est huie repente miserae. 
Pyrg- Curre intro atque ecferto aquam. 

Pal. Nihil aquam moror, quieseat malo. ne inter- 

. ' veneris, 

1/ quaeso, dum I'esipiscit. 
Pyg. Capita inter se nimis nexa hisce habent. 

non placet, labra ab labellis aufer, nauta, cave 
malo. 
PI. Temptabam spiraret an non. 

Pyg. Aurem admotam oportuit. 

PI. Si magis vis, eam omittam. 

Pyrg. , I Nolo, retine. 

PI- 'J Atultrojniseror- 

Pyrg. Exite atque ecferte hue intus omnia quae isti dedi. 

270 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Bear up, bear up. 

Ah, but 1 know how I . . . suffer ! 
Indeed, 1 don't wonder at all that you loved to 
live with him, Pliilacoai&sium, and that his be;iuty 
and his ways and his bravery hold your heart here, 
for, mere slave thougti I am^ when I look on him, 
I [hiding his face) weep at our being parted. ^"^ 
May I embrace you before I go my way, oh, 
may I .'' 

[graciously) You may. 

[falling on his breast) O h, my precious one, o h, 
soul of my so ul ! 

[drawing her away and guiding her tottering steps to 
Pleusicles) For heaven's sake, hold the woman, sir, 
or she'll dash her brains out ! (^Pleusicles supports 
her, much too tenderly, as she swooiis) 
[looking at them) Eh ? Eh .'• What does that mean ? 
(hurriedly) She's suddenly fallen into a faint, poor 
thing, because of leaving you, sir ? 
Run inside and bring some water ! 
Never mind the water, sir ; I think she had better 
rest, [as Pyrgopolynices advances toward her) Don't 
get near her, sir, for mercy's sake, while she's 
recovering ! 

[doubtfully) That pair have their heads too closely 
together. I don't like it. [shouting, as Pleusicles 
kisses her) Hey, saiJoiV-^^i your lips away_from 
hers ! Look out for troub le ! 
I was trying to see if she was breathing, or not. 
You should have used your ear for that. 
[indifferently) If you prefer, I'll let her go. 
No, no ! Keep hold of her ! 
But I'll be glad to let her go. 

[still more alarmed, to servants ivithin) Come out 
here, and bring out all those things I gave her ! 

271 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pal. Etiam nunc saluto te^ Lar familiaris, prius quam eo. 

conservi conservaeque omnis, bene valete et 
vivite, 1; 

bene quaeso inter vos dicatis mi med absenti 
tamen. 
Pyi'g- Age, Palaestrio, bono animo es. 
Pal. Eheu, neqiieo quin fleam, 

quom abs te abeam. 
Pyrg. Fer aequo animo. 

Pal. Scio ego quid doleat mihi. 

Phil. Sed quid hoc ? quae res ? quid video .'' lux, salve. ^ 
PI. lam resipisti 1: ^ 

Phil. Obsecro, quern amplexa sum 

hominem } perii. sumne ego apud me } 
PI. Ne time, voluptas mea. 

Pyrg. Quid istuc est negoti ? 
Pal. , / Animus hanc modo hie reliquerat. 

metudque et ^ timeo, ne hoc tandem propalam fiat 
nimis. 
Pyrg. Quid id est .'' 
Pal. Nos secundum ferri nunc per urbem haec omnia, 

ne quis tibi hoc vitio vortat. 
Pyrg. Mea, non illorum dedi : 1 

parvi ego illos facio. agite, ite cum dis benevo- 
lentibus. 
Pal. Tua ego hoc causa dico. 

1 Leo notes lacuna here : PI. et tit, lux mea Leo. 

* Leo notes lacuna here : <^Et tu salve'y iam Niemeyer. 

» et Ital. : ut MSS. 

272 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

ENTER SEllVANTS WITH PhiloCOmdsium S LUGGAGE. 

{lurning for a last sad look into the house ) And now 
once more, God of this household, I salute thee 
before I go ! And you, my fellow servants all, 
male and female, good bye and good luck to you ! 
Speak good things of me amongst yourselves, I 
pray you, absent thou gh I a m ! {sobs violently) 
Come, come, Palaeslrlo, take heart ! 
Ah, sir ! I can't help . . . weeping at leaving 



you 



Bear it bravely. ''' 
Ah, but I know how I suffer ! 

(regaiinng consciousness, slowly) But what is this ? 
[looking about vacantly) What's the matter .-' What 
do I see } Ah, light of day ! 
Have you recovered now ? 

(korri/ied) For heaven's sake, what man have I 
embraced ? Oh, this is death ! Am I in my 
senses .'' [sinks again on Pletisicles's breast) 
Never fear, [in a low tone) my heart's delight ! 
[noticing Pleusicles' s unnecessary fervour) What does 
this mean ? 

[stepping up to them) She lost consciousness just 
now, sir. [in a low tone to Pleusicles) I'm fright- 
fully worried this'll finally become altogether too 
public ! [Philocomasium revives again) 
[overhearing, in part) What do you mean .'' 
[extemporizing weakly) Our being followed through 
the city now by all this stuff, sir. [pointing to Philo- 
comasinm's luggage) I'm afraid people may turn 
this to your discredit, sir. 

[loftily) These gifts come from me, not from them ; 
little I care about such folk, {impatient) Come, be 
off, and heaven bless you I 
It's on your account I say this, sir. 

273 
VOL. in. T 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Credo, 

lam vale. 

Et tu bene vale. 
Ite cito, iam ego adsequar vos : cum ero pauca volo 

loqui. 
quamquam alios fideliores semper habuisti tibi 
quam me, tamen tibi habeo magnam gratiam 

rerum omnium ; 
et, si ita sententia esset, tibi servire malui 
multo, quam alii libertus esse. 

Habe bonum animum. 
Eheu, quom venit mi in mentem, ut mores 

mutandi sient, 
muliebris mores discendi, obliscendi stratiotiei. 
Fac sis frugi. 

Iam non possum, amisi omnem lubidinem. 1^ 
I, sequere illos, ne morere. 

Bene vale. 

Et tu bene vale. 
Quaeso memineris, si forte liber fieri occeperim 
(mittam nuntium ad te), ne me deseras. 

Non est meum. 
Cogitato identidem, tibi quam fidelis fuerim. 
si id facies, turn demum scibis, tibi qui bonus sit, 

qui malus. 
Scio et perspexi saepe. 

\/ Verum cum antehaQ^]iodie maxume 

scies : immo lioHie me tuom factum faxo post dices 

magis. 
274 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Of course, of course. 

And now farewell, sir. 

And fare you well, my man. 

{hustling the others ojf) Quick ! Go along ! Ill 

follow you directly : I want a few words with 

{choking with sad devotion) my master. 

[exeunt, Philocomasium supported by Pleusicles 
AND looking back viis,Tv\}iA\ \t Pijrgopolynices. 
Although you have always held other slaves more 
loyal to you than me, sir, I am nevertheless deeply 
grateful to you for everything ; and if it were 
your will, sir, I should much prefer to be your 
slave than another's freedman. {sobs) 
Bear up, bear up ! 

Ah me, sir, when I . . . reflect how I must 
change my . . . ways — learn the ways of . . . 
women, ^nd forget the . . . warriors' ! 
Be a good, honest fellow. 

{hopelessly) I can't, sir . . . now ! I've lost all 
my . . . desire I 
Go, follow them, don't delay ! 
{going reluctantly) Farewell, sir, farewell ! 
And fare you well, my man. 

{stopping) Sir, if I find myself beginning the life 
of a free man — I'll send you word of it — please do 
remember not to . . . desert me. 
That is not my way. 

Reflect, sir, now and then, upon my . . . fidelity 
to you. If you do this, sir, you will . . . finally 
know who your good and , . . bad servants are. 
I know it now, I have often noted it. 
But even though you've known it before, sir, 
you'll know it . . . to-day, especially. No, sir, I 
warrant that . . . later on you'll say all the more 
that I was a servant that just suited you this day. 

275 
T 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pyrg. Vix reprimor quiii te manere iubeam. 
Pal. Cave istuc feceris : 

dicent te mendacem nee verum esse, fide nulla 

esse te, 
dicent servorum praeter me esse hie fidelem 

neminem. 1 

nam si lioneste censeam te facei-e posse, suadeam ; 
verum non potest, cave faxis. 
Pyrg. Abi iam. 

Pal. Patiar quidquid est. 

Pyrg. Bene vale igitur. 
Pal. Ire meliust strenue. 

Pyrg. Etiam nunc vale, 

ante hoc factum lumc sum arbitratus semper 

servom pessumum : 
eum fidelem mi esse invenio. cum egomet mecum 

cogito, 
stulte feci qui hunc amisi. ibo hinc intro nunciam 
ad amores meos. sed, sensi, hinc sonitum fecerunt 
for is. 

IV. 9. 

Puer Ne me moneatis, memini ego officium meum, 

ego ^ nam conveniam ilium, ubi ubi est gentium ; 
investigabo, operae non parcam meae. i; 

Pyrg. Me quaerit illic. ibo huic puero obviam. 
Puer Ehem, te quaero. salve, vir lepidissime, 
/ cumulate commoditate, pi'aeter ceteros 
\J ^~duo di quem curant. 
Pyrg. Qui duo? 

* Corrupt (Leo) : ego iam Camerarius. 
276 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

{quite stirred) I can hardly refrain from bidding 
you stay. 

[taken aback) Ah, sir, don't do that ! People will say 
that you're a . . . l iar, false and . . . /aithle ss — and 
I the only . . . faithful servant you had, they'll 
say, sir. Ah yes, if I thought you could do so 
honourably, sir, I'd urge it, but it . . . cannot be. 
Don't do it, sir ! 
Well, be off, now I 

{turning away) I'll bear . . . whatever comes, sir. 
Fare you well, then. 

{hastening off, apparently to avoid a complete break- 
down) I'd better go in a . . . hurry, sir ! 

[exit, shaken with emotion. 
{calling after him) Once more, farewell ! {re- 
Jiectively) Before to-day's experience I always / 
considered this fellow the worst sort of servant : ^ 
but I find he is devoted to^ me. Now I think / 
it over, I was a fool to let him go. {turning 
toward Peiiplectovienus' s house) Well, noAv for a call 
on my inamorata, {listening) But hark ! A noise 
at the door here ! {steps back) 

9. enter a slave boy from the house of 

Periplectomentis. 

{to those withifi) You needn't remind me. I re- 
member my duty. Yes, I'll reac h him^no matter 
w jiere o n earth he is ! I'll track him down, PIl 
spar e myself no^aiiis T 

{aside) He is looking for me. I'll up to the lad. 
{advances) 

Oh, sir ! I'm looking for you, sir ! Hail, most 
delectable hero, teeming with timeliness, blest 
beyond all others with the favour of two deities ! 
{approvingly) Which two ? 

277 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Puer Mars et Venus. 

Pyrg. Facetuni puerum. 

Puer Intro te ut eas obsecrat, 

te volt, te quaerit, teque exspectans expetit. 
amanti fer opem. quid stas ? quin intro is ? 

Pyrg. Eo. 

Puer Ipsus illic sese iam impedivit in plagas ; 

paratae insidiae sunt : in statu stat senex, 
ut adoriatur moechum, qui formast ferox, 
qui omnis se amare credit, quaeque aspexerit 
mulier : eum oderuntfqua^viri qua i^ulieres. 
nunc in tumultum ibo ; intus clamorem audio. 



ACTVS V 
Per. Ducite istum ; si non sequitur, rapite sublimen 
foras, 
fficite inter terram atque caelum ut sit situs, 
discindite. 
Pyrg. Obsecro hercle, Periplectomene, te. 
Per. Nequiquam liercle obsecras. 

vide ut istic tibi sit acutus, Cario, culter probe. 
Car. Quin iamdudum gestit moecho hoc abdomen 
adiniere, 

; ea iam quasi puei'o in collo pendeant crepundia. 
27^ 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Mars and Venus, sir. 
A knowing lad ! 

She implores you to go inside, sir, she wants you, 
seeks you, looks for you longingly. Comfort the 
adoring creature, sir. Why stand here .^ Why 
not go in to her, sir ? 

{rampaiit) I am going ! [exit into house. 

{gleefully) Now he's done it, tangled himself in 
the nets there ! The trap's all laid. The old 
man's standing on guard to spring at this adulterer 
who's so lordly over his looks, and fancies all 
the women fall in love with him at sight — when 
everyone detests him, men and women, both ! 
(sound of a scuffle jvilkin) Now I'll get into the 
row ! I hear 'em yelling inside ! 

ACT V 
ENTER Periplectomenns. 
{to slaves nnthin) Bring him along! If he won't 
follow you, pick him up and throw him out ! 
Give him a berth between earth and heaven ! 
Tear him apart ! 

ENTER Pyrgopolynices , stripped of sword, cloak and 

TUNIC, IN THE GRIP OF SEVERAL ENERGETIC SLAVES. 

{in an awful fright) Oh, my Lord ! Periplecto- 

menus, I beseech you ! 

{grijnly) Oh, my Lord ! Your beseeching is no 

use. {to a slave) Cario, see that that knife of 

yours is good and sharp. 

{cheerfully testing a vicious looking blade) Bless you, 

sir, it's been itching this long time to dock his 
A bestial belly and hang the trimmings round his 
I neck now like a baby's string of beads ! {makes a 

pass with his knife, to Pyrgopolynices' s exquisite terror) 

279 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pyrg. Peril. 

Per. /Haud etiam, numero h oc dicis. 

Car. w lamne in hominem involo ? 14 

Per. Immo etiam jn-ius verberetur fustibus. 

Car. Multum quidem.^ 

Per. Car es ausus subigitare alienam uxorem, inipudens? 

Pyrg. Ita me di ament, ultro ventumst ad me. 

Per. Mentitiir, feri. 

Pyrg. Mane^ dum narro. 

Per. Quid cessatis? 

Pyrg. Non licet mihi dicere } 

Per. Die. 

Pyrg. Oratus sum, ad earn ut irem. 

Per. Quor ire ausu's .'' em tibi. 

Pyrg. Oiei, satis sum verberatus. obsecro. 

Car. Quam mox seco.? 

Per. JVhi lubet : dispeniiite hominem divorsum et dis-- 

/ tendite. 
Pyrg. Obsecro hercle te, ut mea verba audias prius quam 

secat. 
Per. Loquere. 

Pyrg. Non volui nee factum est: viduam hercle 

esse censui, 

itaque ancilla, conciliatrix quae erat, dicebat mihi. 14 
Per. lura te non nociturum esse homini de hac re 
nemini, 

quod tu hodie hie verberatu's aut quod verberabere, 

^ Leo notes hopeless lacuna following. 
280 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Oh, murder, murder I 

Not yet ; you anticipate. 

{brandishing his knife) Shall I fly at the fellow 

now, sir ? 

Oh no, he must be clubbed, first of all. 

Give him plenty, plenty ! {all close in on him) 

How did you dare seduce another man's wife, you 

shameless villain } 

I swear by the love of heaven, sir, she made the 

first advances ! 

{to a slave) He lies ! Beat him ! 

Wait, sir, let me explain ! 

{to slaves) What makes you so slow .'' {ihey raise 

their cudgels) 

Won't you let me speak, sir ? 

Speak. 

I was begged to go to her, sir. 

But how did you dare go ? There ! Take that ! 

{jiogs him with his cane, the slaves joining in, earnestly) 

Ovv-w-w ! Oh, I've been clubbed enough ! Oh, 

for heaven's sake ! 

{very zestful) How soon shall I cut, sir ? 

When you like, {to the slaves who hold him) Spread 

him apart, stretch him out as far as he'll go I 

{as they lay him on his back, Caiio standing, over him, 

knife in hand) Oh, good Lord, sir ! I beseech you, 

hear my words before he cuts I 

Out with them. 

{in a pathetic state) I didn't want to ... do it, sir, 

and I . . . didn't. Oh, Lord ! I thought she 

wasn't . . . married now, and that's what that 

. . . bawd of a maid . . . told me, sir ! 

{reflecting, then sternly) Swear that you will not 

harm a living soul for all this — for having been 

clubbed here to-day, or for any future clubbing — 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

si te salvom hinc amittemus Venerium nepotulum. 
Pyrg. luro pel' lovem et Mavortem, me nociturum nemini, 

quod ego hie hodie vapularim, iureque id factum 
arbitror ; 

et si intestatus non abeo hinc^ bene agitur pro 
noxia. 
Per. Quid si id non faxis ? 

Pyrg. Vt vivam semper intestabilis. 

Car. Verberetur etiam, postibi amittendum censeo. 
Pyrg. Di tibi bene faciant semper, quom advocatus mihi 

venis. 
Car. Ergo des minam auri nobis. 
Pyrg. Quam ob rem ? 

Car. Salvis testibus 

ut te hodie liinc amittamus V^enerium nepotulum ; 

aliter hinc non ibis, ne sis frustra. 
Pyrg. Dabitur. 

Car. Magis sapis. 

de tunica et chlamyde et machaera ne quid speres, 
non feres. 
/ verberon etiam, an iam mittis ? 
Pyrg. Mitis sum equidem fustibus. 

opsecro vos. 
Per. Solvite istunc. 

Pyrg. Gratiam habeo tibi. 

Per. Si posthac preliendero ego te hie, carebis testibus. 
Pyrg. Causam baud dico. 

282 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

if we let you out of here alive, you dear little 
grandson of Venus ! 

{fervimtly) I swear by Jupiter and Mars, sir, not 
to harm a single soul for being cudgelled here 
to-day, and I think I was treated rightly, sir ! 
And if I get away from here without losing my 
power to bear witness as a man, I'll be getting 
\/more than I deserve, sir ! 
What if you break your promise ? 
Then I'll promise to live all my life without that 
power, sir. 

{to Periplectomenus, jiidicially) I move we club him 
again, sir, and then let him go. 
{overjoyed) Oh, God bless you forever and ever, 
for coming to my support ! 

Well then, give us {indicating the slaves) twenty 
pounds. 
What for ? 

For letting you get away from here to-day, bearing 
your witnesses intact, you dear little grandson of 
Venus ! Otherwise, {surveying his knife) you shan't 
get away, don't fool yourself ! 
{hastily) You shall have it ! 

That's wiser of you. As for your tunic and 
military cloak and sword, have no hopes of them, 
you won't get 'em. {to Periplectomemis) Shall I 
club him again, sir, or will you loose him 
now ? 

{drearily) Really, sir, I've been beaten till I'm 
loose already. Have mercy ! 
{to slaves) Release the fellow, {they do so) 
{rising, gratefully) Thanks, sir, thanks ! 
If I catch you here hereafter, you shall lose those 
witnesses. 
{humbly) I make no objection, sir. 

283 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Eamus intro^ Cario. 

Servos meos 
eccos video. Philocomasium iam profecta est ? 

die mihi. 
Iam dudum. 

Ei mihi. 

Magis dicas, si scias quod ego scio. 
nam ille qui lanam ob oculum habebat laevom^ 

nauta non erat. 
Quis erat igitur ? 

Philocomasio amator. 

Qui tu scis ? 

Scio. 
nam postquam porta exierunt, nil cessarunt ilico 
osculari atque ampiexari inter se. 

Vae misero mihi^ 
verba mihi data esse video, scelus viri Palaestrio, 
is me in banc inlexit fraudem. iure factum iudico ; 
si sic aliis moechis fiat, minus hie moechorum siet, 
magis metuant, minus has res studeant. eamus 
ad me. plaudite. 



284 



THE BRAGGART WARRIOR 

Let us go in/Cario. 

[exeunt Peripleclomenus and slaves. 
(looking down Ike street) Ah, I see my servants ! 

ENTER the slaves, BACK FROM THE HARBOUR. 

Has Philocomasium set out already ? Tell me, 

tell me ! 

Long ago. 

Oh, damnation ! 

You'd say that all the more, if you knew what I 

know. Why, that chap with the woollen patch 

on his left eye was no sailor. 

(startled) Who was he, then ? 

Philocomasium's lover. 

How do you know .'' 

I know. Why, they no sooner got outside the 

city gate than they fell to kissing and hugging 

each other. 

(aside) Oh, poor fool that I am ! I've been gulled, 

I see it now ! It's Palaestrio, that scoundrel of a 

fellow, that enticed me into this trap ! (pauses, 

then with dignity) My finding is, " A true bill." If 

other adulterers were so treated, adulterers would 

be fewer here, their apprehension would be 

greater, and their appetite for such affairs less. 

(to slaves) Home we go. (to audience) Give us 

your applause. [exeunt omnes. 



285 



MOSTELLARIA 

OR 

THE HAUNTED HOUSE 



ARGVMENTVM 

Manu misit eniptos suos amores Philolaches 
Omnemque absente rem suo absumit patre. 
Senem ut revenit ludificatur Tranio : 
Terrifica monstra dicit fieri in aedibus 
Et inde pridem^ emigratum. intervenit 
Lucripeta faenus faenerator postulans. 
Ludosque rursum fit senex ; nam mutuom 
Acceptum dicit pignus emptis aedibus. 
Requirit quae sint : ait vicini proxumi. 
Inspectat illas. post se derisum dolet, 
Ab sui sodale gnati exoratur tamen. 
^ pridem Botlie : primum MSS. 

PERSONAE 

Tranio servvs 
Grvmio servvs 
Philolaches advlescens 
Philemativm meretrix 

SCAPHA ANCILLA 

Callidamates advlescens 
Delphivm meretrix 
Theopropides senex 
Misargvrides danista 

SiMO SENEX 

Phaniscvs servvs 

PiNACIVM 
SERVI ALII 

288 



ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY 

Philolaches, in his father's absence, purchases 
and sets free the girl he loves, and runs through 
all his property. When the old gentleman 
returns, Tranio takes him in with a tale how 
his house was haunted by ghastly apparitions 
which long ago forced the family to leave it. A 
money-loving moneylender obtrudes himself and 
demands his interest. Again the old gentleman 
is made the butt, Tranio alleging that they had 
got a loan to make a payment on the house they 
had bought. Asked what house it was, Tranio 
said it was their next-door neighbour's. The 
old gentleman inspects it. Later, though stung 
by being made a laughing-stock, he is neverthe- 
less appeased by his son's chum. 



DRAMATIS PERSONAE 

Tranio, slave of Theopropides. 

GiiuMio, slave of Theopropides. 

Phh-olaches, son of Theopropides. 

Phii.ematium, a courtesan. 

ScAPHA, her maid. 

Callidamates, a young gentleman of Athens. 

Delphium, a courtesa7i. 

Theopropides, an old gentleman of Athens. 

MisARGYRiDES, a moneylender. 

SiMo, aw old gentleman of Athens. 

Phaniscus, slave of Callidamates. 

PiNACiuM, slave of Callidamates. 

Other slaves. 

VOL. III. » 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 



ACTVS I 

Exi e culina sis foras, mastigia, 
qui mi inter patinas exliibes argutias. 
egredere, erilis permities, ex aedibus. 
ego pol te ruri, si vivam, ulciscar probe, 
exi, inquam, nidor, e culina. quid lates .'' 
quid tibi, malum, hie ante aedis cjamitatiost ? 
an ruri censes te esse ? abscede ab aedibus. 
abi rus, abi dierecte, abscede ab ianua. 
em, hocine volebas ? 

Perii. cur me verberas ? 
Quia vivis. 

Patiar. sine mode adveniat senex. 
sine modo venire salvom, quern absentem comes. 
Nee veri simile loquere nee verum, frutex, 
comesse quemquam ut quisquam absentem possiet. 
290 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 



Scene : — Athens. A street in which stand the houses 
of Theopropides and Simo, an alley between them. 

ACT I 
ENTER Grumio, roughly dressed as a farm 

HAND, FROM THE HOUSE OF Theoptopides. 

(very irate) You kindly come out of the kitchen, 
you ropes-end ! Showing me how smart you can 
be amongst your saucepans ! Come on out from 
the house there, you family vampire ! By gad, 
once on the farm and I'll pay you back in fine 
shape, sure as I'm alive ! Come out, I tell you, 
you stench, from the kitchen ! What are you 
skulking for ? 

ENTER Tranio, dapper and debonair. 
Why the devil are you making all this row out in 
front here ? Think you are on the farm, do you ? 
Away from the house with you ! Off to your 
farm ! Off and be hanged ! Away from the 
doorway ! There ! (cuffs him) Is that what you 
were itching for ? 

(coiveri'ng) Oh, oh-h ! What are you liitting me 
for? 

Oh, for living. 

All right, all right ! But only let old master 
come back, only let him get safely back — the man 
you're eating out of house and home while he's 
away ! 

You neither tell the truth nor anything like the 
truth, you growth ! How could anyone eat any- 
one out of his house, when he's not in it? 

291 
u2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Tu uvbanus vero scurra, deliciae popli, 

rus mihi tu obiectas ? sane hoc, credo, Tranio, 

quod te in pistrinum scis actutum tradier. 

cis hercle paucas tempestates, Tranio, 

augebis ruri numerum, genus ferratile. 

nunc, dum tibi lubet licetque, pota, perde rem, 

corrumpe erilem adulescentem optumum ; 

dies noctesque bibite, pergraecamini, 

arnicas emite liberate, pascite 

parasitos, obsonate pollucibiliter. 

haecine mandavit tibi, quom peregre hinc it, senex ? 

hocine modo hie rem curatam ofFendet suam ? 

hocine boni esse officium servi existumas, 

ut eri sui corrumpat et rem et filium ? 

nam ego ilium corruptum duco, quom his factis 

studet ; 
quo nemo adaeque iuventute ex omni Attica 
antehac est habitus parcus nee magis continens, 
is nunc in aliam partem palmam possidet. 
virtute id factum tua et magisterio tuo. 
Quid tibi, malum, me aut quid ego agam curatiost? 
an ruri quaeso non sunt, quos cures, bovis ? 
lubet potare, amare, scorta ducere. 
mei tergi facio haec, non tui fiducia. 
Quam confidenter loquitur. 

At te luppiter 
dique omnes perdant, fu, oboluisti alium. 
germana inluvies, rusticus, hircus, hara suis, 
caeno Koirptov commixte. 

Quid vis fieri ? 
non omnes possunt olere unguenta exotica, 

292 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Oh, yes, you city swell, you public pet, you ! So 
you're throwing the fai-m in my face, eh ? And 
i reckon 1 know why, all right, Tranio — because 
you know you'll be landed in the mill before long. 
Within a few days, by gad, you'll be swelling our 
numbers on the farm and joining our ball-and- 
chain club I So now you've got the chance, and 
choose to do so, drink away, wreck the property, 
demoralize that fine young son of master's! Get 
fuddled day and night, live like Greeks, buy girls 
and set 'em free, feed j)arasites, go in for fancy 
catering ! Are these the instructions the old 
master gave you when he went abroad ? Is this 
how he'll find his property here has been attended 
to ? Is this your notion of a good servant doing 
his duty — to ruin his master's estate and son, 
together? For ruined he is, I take it, from the 
sort of things he's going in for. Why, before, 
there wasn't a young fellow in all Attica that had 
his reputation for thrift, or led a cleaner life, 
while now he wins the prize the other way. And 
it's you and your teachings he can thank for it ! 
What the devil do you mean by minding me or 
my affairs ? At the farm, for heaven's sake, have 
vou no cows to mind ? I choose to drink my 
wine, to have my love affairs, to bring home girls. 
I take chances with my own hide thereby, not 
with yours. 

Listen to the cheek of him ! 

Oh, be damned to you ! Phew ! You smell of 
garlic ! Ugh, you lump of native filth, you clod- 
hopper, he-goat, ]iig-sty, mixture of mire and 
manure ! 

Well, what do you expect } We can't all smell 
of imported perfumes, if you do, or dine at the 

293 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

. si tu oles, neque superiores accumbere 

neque tarn facetis quam tu vivis victibus. 

tu tibi istos habeas turtures piscis avis, 

sine me aliato fungi fortunas meas. 

tu fortunatu's, ego miser : patiunda sunt. 

meum bonum me, te tuom maneat malum. 
Tr. Quasi invidere mi hoc videre, Grumio, 

quia milii bene est et tibi male est ; dignissumumst : 

decet me amare et te bubulcitarier, 

me victitare pulchre, te miseris modis. 
Gr. O carnuficium cribrum, quod credo fore, 

ita te forabunt patibulatum per vias 

stimulis carnufices, si hue reveniat senex. 
Tr. Qui scis, an tibi istuc evenat prius quam mihi .'' 

Gr. Quia numquam merui, tu meruisti et nunc meres. 
Tr. Orationis operam compendi face, 

nisi te mala re magna mactari cupis. 
Gr. Ervom daturin estis, bubus quod feram ? 

date, si non estis. agite, porro pergite 

quoniam occepistis : bibite, pergraecamini, 

este, ecfercite vos, saginam caedite. 
7V. Tace atque abi rus. ego ire in Piraeum volo, 

in vesperum parare piscatum mihi. 

ervom tibi aliquis eras faxo ad villam adferat. 

quid est } quid tu me nunc optuere, furcifer ? 
Gr. Pol tibi istuc credo nomen actutum fore. 



294 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

head of the table^ or live on the fat of the land 
like you. You just keep those squabs of yours and 
your fish and your game for yourself, and leave me 
to my garlic and my lot. Your lot is happy, mine 
is miserable. Very well, very well ! So long as a 
good time is coming to me, and a bad time to you ! 
You seem rather wrathy, Grumio, because I am 
having the good time, at present, and you the bad 
one. But that is quite as it should be — I am the 
man for the ladies, you for the lowing hei'd. 
Fine fare for me and husks for you is quite correct. 
Oh, I bet the hangmen will have you looking like 
a human sieve, the way they'll prod you full of 
holes as they run you down the streets with your 
arms on a cross bar, once the old man gets back ! 
How do you know you may not come to that 
before I do.'' 

Because I never deserved it, and you have, and do. 
[advancing) Well, save yourself some of that talk, 
unless you crave the honour of being badly 
beaten up. 

{retiring) Are you folks going to give me some 
fodder to take to the cattle ? Give it here, if 
you're not — eating, (dodging as Tranio advances 
on Jmn) All right, go ahead, now that you've 
begun. Drink, live like Greeks, eat, gorge 
yourselves, kill the fatted calf! 
Shut up, and be off to the farm ! I want to go to 
the Piraeus and see about some fish for supper for 
myself. 'I'o-morrow I shall send someone to the 
viila with {emphatically) your fodder for you. {as 
Griimio bridles) What ails you ? What are you 
scowling at me for now, gallowsbird ? 
By gad, that'll be your own name by and by, I'm 
thinking ! 

295 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Dum interea sic sit, istuc actutum sino. 
Ita est. sed unum hoc scito : nimio celeriiis 
veniet quod noles quam illud, quod cupide petas. 
Molestus ne sis nunciam, i rus, te amove, 
ne tu ^ hercle praeterhac mihi non facias moram. 
Satin abiit neque quod dixi flocci existumat ? 
pro di immortales, obsecro vostram fidem, 
facite, hue ut redeat noster quam primum senex, 
triennium qui iam hinc abest, prius quam omnia 
periere, et aedis et ager ; qui nisi hue redit, 
paucorum mensum sunt relietae reliquiae, 
nunc rus abibo. nam eccum erilem filium 
video, corruptum ex adulescente optumo. 



Recordatus multum et diu cogitavi 
argumentaque in pectus institui multa 
ego, atque in meo corde, si est quod mihi cor, 
earn rem volutavi et diu disputavi, 
hominem cuius rei, quando natus esset, 
similem esse arbitrarer simulacrumque habere : 
id repjieri iam exempluin. 

novarum aedium esse arbitror similem ( 
hominem, 
quando natus est. ei rei argumenta dicam.^ 
atque hoc vosmet ipsi, scio, proinde uti nunc 

^ Leo brackets following erres. 

2 Leo brackets following vv. , 93-95 : 
atqiie hoc haud videtur veri simile vobis, 
at ego id faciam esse ita ut credatis. 
profedo ita esse ut praedico vera vincam. ' 

296 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

{easili/) Provided things go as they do meantime, 
mucii I mind your "by and by" ! 
Yes, I see. But just you remember this — 
" Swifter come the things unwelcome^ swifter 
far, than things we crave." 

Stop annoying me this instant ! Back to the 
farm ! Vanish ! By Jove, 1 will certainly be 
held up no longer by the like of you ! [exit. 
{looking after him, dourly) So he's gone, eh ? And 
never cared a straw for what I said ! Oh, good 
Lord, save us, for mei'cy's sake, and get our old 
master back from this three years' absence at 
once, before everything goes to smash — house 
and farm and all ! Unless he does return, a few 
months will finish up the remaining remnants. 
{looking domi the street) But I'll be oft" to the farm 
now. For there's master's son — I'uined, poor lad, 
and he used to be such a fine young fellow ! 

[exit. 

!. ENTER Philolaches, somewhat maudlin. 

There's a matter I've been giving much . . . con- 
sideration and long thought, one I've been arguing 
out at length by m3'self. And I've been revolving 
this matter in my . . . mind — if I've got a mind 
— and debating, reasoning about it this long time. 
It's this — Avhat I'm to think a man is similar to, 
w^hen he's born, what is his . . . semblance. And 
now I've found this parallel. 

A new . . . house, that's what I think a man 
is similar to, when he's born. I'll tell you my 
reasons for it.^ And I know you . . . people 

^ Vv. 93-95 : No doubt this doesn't look likely to you, 
but I'll make jou believe it. Ves sir, I'll prove it's 
precisely as I say. 

297 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ego esse autumo, quando dicta audietis 
mea, haud aliter id dicetis. 
auscultate, argumenta dum dico ad lianc rem : 
simul gnaruris vos volo esse banc rem mecum. 

aedes quom extemplo sunt paratae, expolitae, 
factae probe examussim, 
laudant fabrum atque aedes probant, sibi quisque 

inde exemplum expetunt, 
sibi quisque similis volt suas, sumptum operam 

non parcunt suam. 
atque ubi illo immigrat nequam liomo, indiligens 
cum pigra familia, immundus, instrenuos, 
hie iam aedibus vitium additur, bonae cum curantur 

male ; 
atque illud saepe fit : tempestas venit, 
confringit tegulas imbricesque : ibi 
dominus indiligens reddere alias nevolt; 
venit imber, perlavit parietes, perpluont, 
tigna putefacit, perdit o})eram fabri : 
nequior factus iam est usus aedium. 
atque ea haud est fabri culpa, sed magna pars 
morem hunc induxerunt : si quid nummo sarciri 

potest, 
usque mantant neque id faciunt, donicum 
parietes ruont : aedificantur aedes totae denuo. 
haec argumenta ego aedificiis dixi ; nunc etiam 

volo 
dicere, ut homines aedium esse similis arbitremini. 
primumdum parentes fabri liberum sunt : 
ei fundamentum substruont liberorum ; 
extoUunt, parant sedulo in firmitatem, 
et ut in usum boni et in speciem ^ 
poplo sint sibique, haud materiae reparcunt, 
nee sumptus ibi sumptui esse ducunt ; , 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : (et uC) et Sclioell. 
298 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

tliere, when you hear what I say, won't say 
anything different, but admit it's exactly as I 
now aver. Listen while I let you hear how 
I . . . reason it all out. I want you to be as . . . 
well informed about it all as 1 am. 

As soon as a house is all . . . complete, all finished 
off, constructed to a T, they . . . compliment the 
builder and commend the house. Everyone })rays 
the owner for the . . . plan, everyone wants one 
like it for himself, and spares himself no expense 
and effortef^ But when some . . . slacker with a 
shiftless household, some slovenly good-for- nothing 
sluggard moves into that house, then the house 
suffers for it, being a good house, but badly ... 
cared for. And then it often happens that a . . . 
storm comes and smashes the tiles and gutters. 
Then the shiftless owner refuses to replace them. 
Down comes a . . . rain, and runs right through 
the walls, oozes into 'em, rots the . . . timbers, ruins 
the builder's work. And now the house grows the 
worse for wear. And it's not the builder's fault 
at all, but this is the way with most people — if a 
thing can be repaired for sixpence, they . . . put 
it off" and put it off and don't attend to it, till 
finally the walls cave in — and the whole house has 
to be rebuilt. 

So much for . . . buildings. Now I want to go 
on and state why you should think men are 
similar to houses. Now in the first place, pai'ents 
are the . . . builders of their children. They lay 
the foundations of their children's lives. They 
rear them, do their best to construct them . . . 
solidly, and spare nothing necessary to making 
them useful and ornamental as men and citizens. 
Money spent on this they don't count expense. 

299 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

expoliunt : docent litteras, iura leges, 

sumptu suo at labore 

nituntur, ut alii sibi esse illorum similis expetant. t 

ad legionem cum ita paratos mittunt, adminiclum 

eis danunt 
turn iam, aliquem cognatum suom. 
eatenus. abeunt a fabris. unum ubi emeritum 

est stipendiiim, 
igitur turn specimen cernitur, quo eveniat aedificatio. 

nam ego ad illud frugi usque et probus fui, ' 
in fabrorum potestate'dum fui. 
postea quom immigravi ingenium in meum, 
perdidi operam fabrorum ilico oppido. 
venit ignavia, ea mihi tempestas fuit, 
mi adventu suo grandinem ^ attulit ; 
haec verecundiam mi et virtutis modum 
deturbavit detexitque a me ilico ; 
postilla optigere me neglegens fui. 
continuo pro imbre amor advenit," 
is usque in pectus pei-manavit, permadefecit cor 

nieum. 
nunc simul res, fides, foma, vii'tus, decus 
deseruerunt : ego sum in usu factus nimio nequior. 
atque edepol ita haec tigna umide iam putent : 

non videor mihi 
sarcire posse aedes meas, quin totae perpetuae 

ruant, 
cum fundamento perierint nee quisquam esse 

auxilio queat. 
cor dolet, cum scio ut nunc sum atque ut fui, 
quo neque industrior de iuventute erat 
quisquam nee clarior arte gymnastica : 
disco, hastis, pila, cursu, armis, equo 



^ Leo brackets following imhremque. 
^ Leo brackets following in cor mcum. 



300 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

They put on the finishing touches — teach them 
literature, the . . . principles of justice, law, 
expend their money and their labour in striving 
that others may pray for their own sons to be like 
them. So . . . constructed, they send them into 
the army, now at the last giving them as a support 
some kinsman of their own. So much for this. 
They leave the builders' hands. And after one 
campaign is served, then signs are seen how the 
building will turn out. 

Myself, now — till then — while I was in the 
builders' hands, I was always a steady, serious- 
minded chap. But after I . . . moved into my 
own disposition, I ruined the builders' work 
instantly and entirely. A spirit of idleness came 
over me. That was my . . . storm. Coming 
upon me heavy with hail, it instantly beat down 
and bared me of my poor coating of modesty and 
morals. And after that I was too negligent to 
. . . re-cover myself. Presently, in place of rain, 
love came and kept dripping, dripping into my 
breast, drenching my very heart. And now my 
inoney and my credit, my reputation, character 
and good name all are gone together. I, also, 
have become very much the worse for wear. Yes, 
by heaven, these . . . timbers of mine, too, are 
all soaked and rotten now ! And I seem unable 
to repair my house and keep it from . . . caving 
in entirely and falling in everlasting ruins, 
foundations and all, and not a soul can help me. 

It makes me sick at heart to see what I am 
now, and what I was. Not one of our young 
fellows trained harder or was better known as 
an . . . athlete. Discus, spear, ball, running. 



301 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

victitabam volup, 

parsimonia et duritia discipulinae aliis eram, 
optumi quique expetebant a me doctrinam sibi. 
nunc, postquam nihili sum, id vero meopte ingenio 
repperi. 



lam pridem ecastor frigida non lavi magis lubenter f; 
nee quom me melius, mea Scapha, i*ear esse 

deficatam. 
Eventus rebus omnibus, velut homo messis magna 
fuit. . 

Quid ea messis attinet-«d meam lavationem ? 
Nihilo plus quam lavatio tua ad messim. 

O Venus venusta, 
haec ilia est tempestas mea, mihi quae modestiam 

omnem 
detexit, tectus qua fui ; tum mihi Amor et Cupido 
in pectus perpluit meum, neque iam umquam 

optigere possum : 
madent iam in corde parietes, periere haec oppido 

aedis, 
Contempla, amabo, mea Scapha, satin haec me 

vestis deceat. 
volo me placere Philolachi, meo ocello, meo 

patrono. 
Quin tu te exornas moribus lepidis, quom lepida 

tutfe es !* 
non vestem amatores amant,* sed vestis fartini. 

^ Leo brackets following mulieris, 
302 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

feilcing, riding — that was high life and happiness 
enough for me, a pattern, as I was, for others, of 
strict and . . . simple living, a man whom all the 
finest fellows sought to make their . . . model. 
And now that I'm good for nothing, oh well, 
{stops moodily in front of Simo's house) it's my 
own disposition that has made me so. 



ENTER Philcmatium and Scapha with toilet articles 
FROM THE HOUSE OF Tkeopropidcs. 

Gracious ! I haven't enjoyed a cold bath more 

for ages ! I do believe 1 never had a better 

scouring, Scapha, dear, {begins to busy herself' ivith 

her toilet, continuing it throughout the scene) 

{smiling at her mistress's enthusiasm) Everything has 

its outcome, just as this year brought a big harvest. 

{puzzled) What has that harvest got to do with 

my bath ? 

{liglitli/) No more than your bath has to do with 

the harvest. 

{aside, seeing her) Oh, lovely queen of love ! Here, 

here, is the storm that stripped me bare of all my 

covering of modesty ! Then love and passion 

oozed into my breast, and now I can't re-cover it, 

ever. Now the walls of my heart are drenched, 

this house an utter ruin ! 

[priiiking) Scapha, dear, do please look me over 

and see if this gown is really becoming. I do so 

want to please Philolaclies, {fondly) my darling, 

my protector I 

Why not wear just winsome ways for decoration, 

since you are so winsome yourself? It's not the 

gown a lover loves, but the gown's contents. 

30305 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Philol. Ita me di ament, lepidast Scaplia^ sapit scelesta 
multum. 
ut lepide omnes mores tenet sententiasque aman- 
tum. 
Phil. Quid nunc ? 
Sc. Quid est ? 

Phil. Quin me aspice et contempla, 

ut haec me deceat. 
Sc. Virtute formae id evenit, te ut deceat quidquid 

habeas. 
Philol. Ergo ob istuc verbum te, Scaplia, donabo ego hodie 
aliqui, 
neque pat.iar te istanc gratiis laudasse, quae placet 
mi. 
Phil. Nolo ego te adsentari mihi. 

Sc. Nimis tu quidem stulta es mulier. 

eho, mavis vituperarier falso quam vero extolli ? 
equidem pol vel falso tamen laudari multo malo, 
quam vero culpari aut meam speciem alios inridere. 
Phil. Ego verum amo, verum volo dici mihi : mendacem 

odi. 
Sc. Ita tu me ames, ita Philolaches tuos te amet, ut 

venusta es. 
Philol. Quid ais, scelesta ? quo modo adiurasti ? ita ego 
istam amarem ? 
quid istaec me, id cur non additum est? infecta 

dona facio. 
periisti : qu6d promiseram tibi donum, perdidisti. 
Sc. Equidem pol miror tarn catani, tarn docilem te et 

bene doctam 
nunc stultam stulte facere. 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

(aside, forgelting his remorse) Lord love me, but 
isn't Scapha winsome, too? And what a knowing 
old wretch ! The winsome way she has of 
understanding just how lovers act and feel ! 
[posing) Well, now ? 

[pretending not to understand) Well, what ? 
Oh, look, do look me over and see if this is 
becoming ! 

You're so lovely yourself that whatever you have 
becomes you. 

[aside, warmiyig up) There now I I'll certainly 
make you a present of something, Scapha, for 
those words. I won't let you praise the girl 
that pleases me, for nothing. 
[soberly) I don't want you to flatter me. 
You're a very silly girl, then. Oho! You'd 
rather be run down insincerely than sincerely 
admired ? Goodness gracious, I much prefer a 
compliment, insincere or not, to sincere criticism, 
or to having folks make fun of my looks — indeed 
I do! 

[quietly) I love sincerity, I want what is said to me 
to be sincere. I hate a liar. 

I swear by your love for me, ma'am, by your 
Philolaches' love for you, you're simply charm- 
ing ! 

[aside) What's that, you wretch } What sort of 
an oath was that ? By my love for her ? How 
about hers for me.'' Why wasn't that added? 
I give up giving you that present ! You're done 
for. And as for the present I promised you, you 
have done for that ! 

But, upon my word, I'm really surprised at such 
silly, silly conduct in such a shrewd, sensible, 
well-trained girl as you. 

VOL. III. X 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Phil. Quin mone quaeso, si quid erro. 

Sc. Tu ecastor erras, quae quidem ilium expectes unum 

atque illi 
morem praecipue sic geras atque alios asperneris. 
matfonae, non nieretricium est ununi inservire 
amantem. , 

Philol. Pro luppiterj nam quod malum versatur meae domi 
illud ? 
di deaeque me omnes pessumis exemplis inter - 

ficiantj 
nisi ego illam anum interfecero siti fameque atque 
algu. 
Phil. Nolo ego mihi male te, Scaplia, praecipere. 
Sc. Stulta es plane, 

quae ilium tibi aeternum putes fore amicum et 

benevolentem. 
moneo ego te : te ille deseret aetate et satietate. 
Phil. Non spero. 

Sc. Insperata accidunt magis saepe quam 

quae speres. 
postremo, si dictis nequis perduci, ut vera haec 

credas 
mea dicta, ex factis nosce rem. vides quae sim ; 

et quae fui ante, 
nihilo ego quam nunc tu ' amata sum ; atque uni 

modo gessi morem": -, 5 

qui p6l me, ubi aetate hoc caput colorem com- 

mutavit, ■ ^ 

reliquit deseruitque me. tibi idem futurum credo. 
Philol. Vix comprimor, quin involem illi in oculos stimu- 

^^^ latrici. 
Phil. Solam ille me soli sibi suo sumptu liberavit : 
illi me soli censeo esse oportere opsequentem. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : (^miniis fui ptclchra et uenusta 
et nihilo | ininus ego quam nunc tuy SeyfFert. 
306 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Oh, do please show me what it is, if I'm making 
any mistake ! 

" Mistake " ? I should say you Mere — the way 
you're all wrapped up in that one man and fairly 
worship him, without as much as looking at 
anyone else ! This giving yourself up to one 
lover is all right for married women, but not 
for mistresses. 

{aside) Good Lord I Why, what sort of monster's 
at large in my house ? May I be damned by all 
the powers above to death and torment, if I don't 
do that old hag to death, with hunger, thirst, and 
cold! 

Scapha, I don't want any such wicked advice from 
you! 

i3ut you are silly, that's plain, to think he'll always 
be fond of }'ou and nice to you for ever. I warn 
you — he'll leave you when you're older and he's 
colder. 

(wistful) I liope not. 

" More oft come true our hope-nots than our 
hopes." I tell you what, ma'am, if words can't con- 
vince you that my words are true, just look at facts. 
You see what I am now. And, oh, what I used 
to be ! I was loved no less-than you are now ; I 
devoted myself to just one man — and he, oh well, 
when age came on and changed the colour of this 
head of mine, he left me, deserted me. That will 
be 30ur case, too, I fancy. 

{aside) It's all I can do to keep from flying at her 
eyes, the fiend ! 

He spent his own money to set me free, just 
me, and just for himself. I feel I'm only doing 
what I ought in devoting myself to him, and just 
him. 

307 
x2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

PMlol. Pro di immortales, mulierem lepidam et pudico 
ingenio. 
bene hercle factum et gaudeo mihi nihil esse huius 
causa. 
Se. Inscita ecastor tu quidem es. 

Phil. Quapropter ? 

Sc. Quae istuc cures, 

ut te ille amet. 
Phil. Cur obsecro non curem ? 

Sc. Libera es iam, 

tu iam quod quaerebas habes ; ille te nisi amabit 

ultro, 
id pro tuo capite quod dedit perdiderit tantum 
argenti. 
Philol. Perii hercle, ni ego illam pessumis exemplis 
enicasso. 
ilia banc corrumpit mulierem malesuada ^ vitilena. 
Phil. Numquam ego illi possum gratiam referre ut 
meritust de me. 
Scapha, id tu mihi ne suadeas, ut ilium minoris 
pendam. 
Sc. At hoc unum facito cogites : si ilium inservibis 

solum 
dum tibi nunc haec aetatulast, in senecta male 
querere. 
Philol. In anginam ego nunc me velim verti, ut veneficae 
illi 
fauces prehendam atque enicem scelestam stimu- 
latricem. 
Phil. Eundem animum oportet nunc mihi esse gratum, 
ut impetravi, 
atque olim, prius quam id extudi, quom illi sub- 
blandiebar. 
Philol. Divi me faciant quod volunt, ni ob istam orationem 
te liberasso denuo et ni Scapham enicasso. 

308 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

/. (aside) Ye immortal gods I Now/isn't she a sweet, 

pure-liearted creature ? By Jove, I did a good 

job, and it's glad I am to be a ruined man for her 

sake ! 

My goodness I Such a little stupid ! 

Why? 

To care about his loving you. 

" Care " ? For mercy's sake, why shouldn't I ? 

You're free now. Now you've got what you were 

after. As for him, unless he still goes on loving 

vou, he'll have thrown away all that money he 

paid out for you. 
/. (aside) By gad, I'll be damned if 1 don't kill that 

woman off by inches ! Trying to spoil the girl 

with her vile suggestions, the old bawdyslut ! 

I can't ever be grateful enough to him, never ! 

And don't you try to make me think any less of 

him, Scapha. 

But see you consider this one thing — if you give 

yourself up to him entirely now while you're 

young, you'll rue it bitterl}'^ when you're old. 
/, (aside) Oh, if I could change to a quinsy, so as to 

catch that viper in the throat and kill her off, the 

foul old fiend ! 

I ought to feel the same affection, now I've 

obtained my wish, as I did when I used to pet 

him before I'd won it. 
!. (aside) May Heaven work its will on me, if I don't 

set you free all over again for saying that — and 

also, if I don't kill Scapha ! 

^ Corrupt '^Leo) : cantilena Ussing. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Si tibi sat acceptum est fore tibi victum sempi- 

terniini 
atque ilium aniatorem tibi proprium futurum in 

vita, 
soli gerundum censeo morem et capiundas crines. 
Vt fama est homini, exin solet pecuniam invenire. 
ego si bonam famam mihi servasso, sat ero dives. 
Siquidem hercle vendundust pater, veuibit multo 

p.otius, 
quani te me vivo umquam sinam egere aut mendi- 

care. 
Quid illis futurum est ceteris qui te amant ? 

Magis amabunt, 
quom me videbunt gratiam referre bene merenti. 
Vtinam nunc meus emortuos pater ad me nuntietur, 
ut ego exheredem meis bonis me faciam atque 

haec sit heres. 
lam ista quidem absumpta res erit : dies noctesque 

estur bibitur, 
neque quisquam parsimoniam adhibet : sagina 

plane est. 
In te hercle certumst principe ut sim parcus ex- 

periri, 
nam neque edes quicquam neque bibes apud me 

his decem diebus. 
Si quid tu in ilium bene voles loqui, id loqui licebit : 
nee recte si illi dixeris, iam ecastor vapulabis. 
Edepol si summo lovi bovi eo argento sacruficassem, 
pro illius capite quod dedi, numquam aeque id bene 

locassem. 
videas eam medullitus me amare. oh, probus 

homo sum : 
quae pro me causam dicei*et, patronum liberavi. 



^ The Roman bride arranged her hair in a special way. 
310 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Well, if you have a guarantee that he'll be food 

for you eternally and be your own fond lover all 

your life, the thing for you is to put yourself at 

his sole disposal and — {almost venomous) fix up your 

hair for the wedding.^ 

One is generally able to get money according to 

the sort of name one has. If I always keep a 

good name, I shall be rich enough. 

[aside) By Jove, now, even if it comes to selling 

my father, sold he shall be, much sooner than I'll 

let you come to want or beggary while I'm alive ! 

What'll become of those other men that are in 

love with you ? 

They'll love me all the more when they see that I 

show gratitude to my benefactor. 

{aside, ecstatic) Oh, for news now of my father's 

demise, so that I could disinherit myself of all 

I owned and make her my heir ! 

All he has, anyhow, will soon be squandered — 

eating and drinking day and night, with no one 

giving a thought to thrift. Downright stuffing, I 

call it. 

{aside) Thrift ? By gad, I'll try it, for a fact, and 

try it first on you. Not a thing to eat or drink 

shall you have in my house for the next ten 

days ! 

{/irmli/) If you wish to say something nice about 

him, do so. But if you go on abusing him, I swear 

you shall have a whipping directly ! 

{aside) By gad, if I had made an offering of an ox 

to Jove Almighty with the money I paid out for 

her, it would never have been so well invested. 

You can see she loves me with all her soul. Oh, 

I'm a fine one ! I've freed an advocate to plead 

my case for me, 

3" 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 



Sc. 
Phil. 

Sc. 

Philol. 

Phil. 

Sc. 

Philol. 



Phil. 

Sc. 

Phil. 

Sc. 

Philol. 

Phil. 
Sc. 



Video te nihili pendere prae Philolache omnis 

homines, 
nunc, ne eius causa vapulem, tibi potius adsentabor.^ 
Cedo mi speculum et cum ornamentis arculam 

actutum, Scapha, 
ornata ut sim, quom hue adveniat Philolaches 

voluptas mea. 
Muher quae se suamque aetatem spernit, speculo 

ei usus est : 
quid opust speculo tibi, quae tute speculo speculum 

es niaxumum ? 
Ob istuc verbum, ne nequiquam, Scapha, tarn lepide 

dixeris, - 
dabo aliquid hodie peculi tibi, Philematium 

mea. 
Suo quique loco (viden ?) capillus satis compositust 

commode ? 
Vbi tu commoda es, capillum commodum esse 

credito. 
Vah, quid ilia pote peius quicquam muliere 

memorarier ? 
nunc adsentatrix scelesta est, dudum adversatrix 

erat. 
Cedo cerussam. 

Quid cerussa opust nam ? 

Qui malas oblinam. 
Vna opera ebur atramento candefacere postules. 
Lepide dictum de atramento atque ebore. euge, 

plaudo Scaphae. 
Tum tu igitur cedo purpurissum. 

Non do. scita es tu quidem. 
nova pictura interpolare vis opus lepidissimum .'' 



^ Leo brackets following v., 247 : 
si acceptum sat habcs, tibi fore ilium amicum semjpiternum. 



312 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

I see you feel there's no one fit to hold a candle 
to Philolaches. So I'd rather agree with you, 
and not get whipped on his account.^ 
Give me the mirror and the jewel casket. Quick, 
Scapha ! I must be all got up when Philolaches 
comes, (reminiscenilj/) the darling I (takes mirror 
and arranges her hair) 

It's the woman that's dubious about her looks and 
yeai's must use a mirror. What do you need of a 
mirror, when you yourself are the very mirror's 
own best mirror } 

(aside) You shan't make such a pretty speech for 
nothing, Scapha. I'll certainly give you something 
for your very own — Philematium dear. 
Is everything all right — won't you look ? Is my 
hair put up prettily enough? 

When you're pretty yourself, you can be positive 
your hair is pretty. 

(aside) Bah ! Can you mention anything worse 
than that woman there ? Now she's all com- 
pliments, the slut ! A moment ago she was all 
contradictions ! 

(Give me the ceruse. 
Ceruse, indeed I What for } 
To rub on my cheeks. 

You might as well expect to whiten ivory with 
ink. 

(aside) Very neat — ivory and ink ! Bravo, Scapha ! 
Congratulations ! 

' Well, then, give me the rouge. 
No, I won't. Lots of sense you show ! You want 
to daub fresh paint on a perfectly lovely picture .'' 

^ V. 247 : If you have a guax'antee that he'll be your 
friend forever. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

non istanc aetatem oportet pigmentuin ullum 

attingere, 
neque cerussam neque melinum, neque aliam ullam 
ofFucium. 
Phil. Cape igitur speculum. 

Philol. Ei mihi misero^ savium speculo dedit. 

nimis velim lapidem, qui ego illi speculo diminuam 
caput. 
Sc. Linteum cape atque exterge tibi manus. 

Phil. Quid ita, obsecro .-* 

Sc. Vt speculum tenuisti, metuo ne olant argentum 

manus : 
ne usquam argentum te accepisse suspicetur Philo- 
laches. 
Philol. Non videor vidisse lenam callidiorem ullam alteras. 
ut lepide atque astute in mentem venit de speculo 
malae. 
PhiL Etiamne unguentis unguendam censes ? 
Sc. Minime feceris. 

Phil. Quapropter ? 

Sc. Quia ecastor mulier recte olet, ubi nihil olet. 

nam istae veteres^ quae se unguentis unctitant, 

interpoleSj 
vetulae, edentulae, quae vitia cor])oris fuco occu- 

lunt, 
ubi sese sudor cum unguentis consociavit, ilico 
itidem olent^ quasi cum una multa iura confudit 

cocus. 
quid olant nescias, nisi id unum,^ ni male olere 
intellegas. 
Philol. Vt perdocte cuncta callet. nihil hac docta doctius. 
verum illud esse maxima adeo pars vestrorum 

intellegit, 
quibus anus domi sunt uxores, quae vos dote 
meruerunt. 

314 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Girls of your age shouldn't touch a bit of colour^ or 

ceruse, Melian cream, or any other cosmetic. 

Here, then, take the mirror. (Jiolds it close to her 

face for a Jinal examination and then hands it to 

Scapha) 

{aside) Blast it ! She kissed the mirror ! Oh for 

a stone to smash that mirror's head with ! 

Take a towel and wipe your hands. 

For mercy's sake, why ? 

{grinniftg) Now that you've held the mirror, I'm 

afraid your hand will smell of silver, and that's 

something Philolaches mustn't suspect you of 

taking from anyone. 

{aside) I don't believe I ever saw a sharper old 

bawd. Pretty neat — that idea about the mirror, 

and canny, too, the sinner ! 

Surely I should put on a little perfume, don't you 

think.? 

Most certainly not. 

Why } 

Goodness me ! Because a woman smells right 

when she doesn't smell at all. Why, those ancient 

dames that pickle themselves in perfume, made-up 

crones without any teeth, that try to paint away 

their bodily blemishes — as soon as their perfume 

and perspiration come together, they smell the 

same as when a cook combines a lot of sauces. 

You can't tell what they smell of, but you're sure 

of one thing — they smell vile. 

{aside) Oh, she's a mighty wise one ! She's up to 

it all I There never was a wiser old wench ! 

{turning to the audieiice) You know she's right, 

most of you who have old dames at home for 

wives, that bought you with their dowries. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : xit Camerarius. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Phil. Agedum contempla aurum et pallam^ satin haec 

me deceat, Scapha. 
Sc. Non me istuc curare oportet. 

Phil. Quem obsecro igitur ? 

Sc. Eloquar : 

Philolacliem, is lie quid emat, nisi quod sibi placere 

censeat.^ 
quid opust, quod suom esse nolit, ei ultro osten- 

tarier ? ^ 
pulchra mulier nuda erit quam purpurata pulchrior •? 
nam si pulchra est, iiiniis ornata est. 
Philol. Niniis diu abstineo manuni. 

quid hie vos agitis ? 
Phil. Tibi me exorno ut placeam. 

Philol. Ornata es satis, 

abi tu liinc intro atque ornamenta haec aufer. 

sed, voluptas niea, 
mea Phiiematium, potare tecum conlibitum est 

mihi. 
Et edepol mihi tecum, nam quod tibi Hbet idem 

mihi libet, 
mea vohiptas. 

Em istuc verbum vile est viginti minis. 
Phil. Cedo, amabo, decern : bene emptum tibi dare hoc 

verbum volo. . 

Philol. Etiani nunc decern iiiinae apud te sunt ; vel 
rationem puta. 
triginta minas pro capite tuo dedi. 

^ Leo brackets following v. , 286 : 
nam amator meretricis mores sibi emit auro et purpura. 

* Leo brackets following v. , 288 : 
purpura aetali occulta ndacbt aurum turpi miolieri. 

^ Leo brackets following vv. , 290-291 : 
pode nequiquam exornata est bene, si morata est male, 
pulchrum ornatum turpcs mores peiiis caeno conlinunt. 

3i6 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

{o^fler a few final adjuslmenis) Here now, Scapha, 
do look ovei' my jewellery, and gown, and see if it 
really is becoming. 

That shouldn't be any concern of mine. 
Whose should it be, then, for goodness' sake ? 
Well — Philolaches' I ^ So that he won't buy any- 
thing except what he thinks suits himself. But 
what's the use of showing off to him, unasked, 
something he doesn't want to own .? ^ ^ pretty 
girl is prettier undressed than dressed in purple.^ 
For then she's overdressed, if she's really pretty. 
{aside) I'm keeping hands off too long, {.stepping 
up to them) What's going on here } 
{in his arms) I'm getting all dressed up to please 
you. 

{ogling her) Oh, you're dressed enough ! {to 
Scapha, gruffly) Be off inside with you, and take 
this {with a wave at the toilet accessories) frippery 
along. [exit Scapha. 

But, my darling, my own Philematium, I'd love 
to have some wine with you. 

Oh, and I with you ! For whatever you like, I 
like, my {'I'^iiggH'ig closer) darling. 
{rapturous) Ah ! That word would come cheaj) 
at a hundred pounds. 

{smiling up at him) Well, give me fiftv, there's a 
dear I I want you to buy at a bargain. 
{lightly) You owe me fifty still — tot it up, dear, if 
you like. It was a hundred and fifty I paid for you, 

^ V. 286 : Why, it's his mistress's favours a lover buys 
with jewels and purple. 

^ V. 288 : Purple belongs to shady years, jewels to ugly 
women. 

•' V v. 290-291 : And then it's no use being nicely dressed 
if one's ways aren't nice. Disgusting ways soil a pretty 
dress more than mud. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Phil. Cur exprobras ? { 

PhUoI. Egone id exprobrem, qui mihiniet cujiio id oppro- 
brarier ? 
nee quicquam argenti locavi iam diu usquam aeque 
bene. 
Phil. Certe ego, quod te amo, operara nusquam melius 

potui ponere. 
Philol. Bene igitur ratio accepti atque expensi inter nos 
convenit : 
tu me amas, ego te amo ; merito id fieri uterque 

existimat. 
haec qui gaudent, gaudeant perpetuo suo semper 

bono ; 
qui invident, ne umquam eorum quisquam invideat 
prosus commodis. 
Phil. Age accumbe igitur. cedo aquam manibus, puere, 
appone hie mensulam. 
vide, tali ubi sint. vin unguenta? 
Philol. Quid opust ? cum stacta accubo. 

sed estne hie meus sodalis, qui hue incedit cum 

arnica sua ? 
is est, Callidamates cum arnica incedit. euge, 

oculus meus, 
conveniunt manuplares eccos : praedam participes 
petunt. 

I. 4. 

Call. Adversum veniri mihi ad Philolachetem 

volo temperi. audi, em tibi imperatum est. 

318 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

{hurt) Why do you throw tluit at me ? 
I throw it at you ? When I long to have it thrown 
up to my own self? VVhy, I've not made such a 
fine investment anywhere for many a day. 
{happily) And I'm sure I couldn't do anything 
better with my love than give it to you, dear. 
Then our books balance perfectly — you love me, 
and I love you, and both of us think that's just as 
it should be. {looking, rapt, to heaven) And may 
those who rejoice with us rejoice forever at their 
own unending joys. And those who envy us — 
may absolutely no one ever envy them for their 
blessings. 

{drawing him to a vouch) Come, then, take your place. 
{to a slave nithin) Some water for our hands, boy I 
Put a small table here. And the dice — look for 
them. {to Philolaches) Would you like some 
perfume ? 

{his armaroiuid her on the couch) What for? W^ith 
essence of myrrh beside me ! 

ENTER SLAVE WITH TABLE, ETC. 

{looking dozen the street) Is that my chum, though, 
rolling up here with his mistress ? It is. It's 
Callidamates, and that's his mistress with liim. 
Hurray, dearest ! Look! The regiment's assem- 
bling ! Our pals are coming for part of the 
plunder ! 

4. ENTER Callidamates, very drunk, with Delphiinn 

AND A SLAVE. 

{to slave) I . . . want you to . . . come to . . . 
Philolaches' . . . and get me . . .^and . . . come 
in time. Min.d . . . now I There ! You've . . . 
got your . . . orders. [exit slave. 

319 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

nam illi ubi fui, inde effugi foras, 

ita me ibi male convivi sermonisque taesumst. 

nunc comissatum ibo ad Philolachetem^ 

ubi nos hilari ingenio et lepide accipient. 

ecquid tibi videor mammamadere ? 

Semper istoc modo. 

moratu's tu te. ire hue debebas. 

Visne ego te ac tu me amplectare ? 

Si tibi cordi est. facere, licet. 

Lepida es. 
due me amabo. 

Cave ne cadas^ asta. 
— o — ocellus meus^ tuos sum alumnus, mel 

meum. 
Cave modo, ne prius in via accumbas, 
quam illi, ubi lectus est stratus, concumbimus. 
Sine, sine cadere me. 

Sino, sed hoc, quod mi in manu est : 
si cades, non cades quin cadam tecum, 
lacentis toilet postea nos ambos aliquis. 
Madet homo. 

Tun me ais mammamadere ? 
Cedo manum, nolo equidem te adfligi. 

320 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

(/o the world at large) Well . . . the place where 
I . . . was, I . . .just cut and . . . ran from it, 
I got so . . . damn tired of the . . . company 
and . . . conversation. Now I'll go over to . . . 
Philolaches's for . . . something to drink. They'll 
be . . . jolly and give us a . . . good time, 
(to Delphiinn) Would you . . . say I . . . ma-ma- 
mat all drunk ? (stops for her to survey him) 
The same as usual, (pulling him alo?ig) You're 
delaying yourself. Here's (pointing to the house 
of Philolachcs) the place to go to. 
[leering at her) I'll hug . . . you, and you . . . 
hug me, d'ye . . . want to.^ 
{patient) Very well, if you'd enjoy it. 
{embracing her) You sweet . . . thing ! Take my 
. . . arm, that's a . . . dear, [lurches) 
See you don't fall, [getting a firmer hold on him) 
Stand up ! 

My o-o-only one ! I'm your . . . baby . . . boy, 
honey dear ! 

Yes, but do see you don't sit down in the street, 
before we can get to that nice, soft couch where 
we can lie down together. 
[sleepily) Let, let . . . me fall. 
[struggling to keep hitn up) I'll certainly let this 
fall, [dropping a parcel she carries and ])ulling him 
to his feet) If you fall, you shan't fall without my 
falling with you. 

Somebody'll find us lying here and . . . pick us 
both . . . up, after a . . . while. 
The man is drunk ! 

(pulling away from her indignantly) You say I-m-m- 
m-drunk ? 

(placatingly) Do give me your hand. I certainly 
can't have you break your neck. 

321 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Call. Em tene. 

Del. Age, i simul. 

Call. Quo ego earn ? 

Del. An nescis ? 

Call. Scio, in mentem venit modo : 

nempe domum eo comissatum. 

Del. Immo, istuc quidem. 

Call. lani memini. 

Philol. Num non vis me obviam his ire, anime mi ? 

illi ego ex omnibus optume volo. 

iam revertar. 

Diu est iam id mihi. 

Ecquis hie est? 

Adest. 

Eu, Philolaches, 

salve, amicissime mi omnium hominum. 

Di te ament. accuba, Callidamates. 

unde agis te ? 

Vnde homo ebrius probe. 

Quin amabo accubas, Delphium mea ? 

da illi quod bibat. 

Call. Dormiam ego iam. 

Philol. Num mirum aut novom quippiam facit.-* 

Del. Quid ego hoc faciam postea .'' 

Phile, Mea, sic sine eumpse. 

322 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

{stretching it out, iiHsleadilij) There ! Take it ! 

{leading him on) All right no\v^ go along ! 

Where am I ... to go ? 

Don't you know ? 

{thinkmg) I know. It just . . . came to me. 

Of . . . course ! I'm going . . . home to 

have . . . something to drink. 

No, no, you're going there, [pointing to the house 

of Philolachcs) 

{gravely sighting along her finger) Now I remember ! 

{to Philematium) You don't mind if I go meet 

them, do you, precious ? I think more of him 

than any friend I have, {gets up and goes toward 

pair) I'll be back in a minute. 

{tenderly) That minute will be hours to me ! 

{bawling in the direction of Philolaches's house) 

Anyone at . . . home ? 

Here we are ! 

{embracing him) Fine! Philolaches I How . . . 

are you ? You're the . . . best friend I've . . . 

got in the world I 

{steering him to the couch') God bless your soul ! 

Here's your place, old fellow ! Where do you 

hail from ? 

{sinking down on the couch) Wiiere you get . . , 

well drunk. 

Come, come, Delphium dear, why don't you settle 

down } {places her beside CalUdamates. To the slave) 

Give him a drink. 

{after draining the glass) Now I'm . . , going to 

sleep, {fops back on the couch) 

{to Delphium, smiling) Nothing new or strange for 

him, is it .'' 

What shall I do with him now ? 

Oh, leave him by himself just as he is, my dear. 

323 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

age til interim da ab Delphio cito cantharum 
circum. 

ACTVS II 

Iup{)iter supremus summis opibus atque industriis 
me periisse et Philolachetem cupit erilem filium. 
occidit Spes nostra^ nusquam stabulum est Confi- 

dentiae, 
nee Salus nobis saluti iam esse, si cupiat, potest : 
ita mali, maeroris montem maximum ad portum 

modo 
conspieatus sum : erus advenit peregre, periit 

Tranio. 
ecquis homo est, qui facere argenti cupiat aliquan- 

tum lucri, 
qui hodie sese excruciari meam vicem possit pati ? 
iibi sunt isti plagipatidae, ferritribaces viri, 
vel isti qui hosticas trium nummum causa subeunt 

sub falas, 
ubi quinis aut denis hastis corpus transfigi solet ? 
ego dabo ei talentum, primus qui in crucem ex- 

cucurrerit ; 
sed ea lege, ut offigantur bis pedes, bis bracchia. 
ubi id erit factum, a me argentum petito prae- 

sentarium. 
sed ego — sumne infelix, qui non curro curriculo 

domum ? 
Adest adest opsonium. eccum Tranio a portu 

redit. 

Philolaches. 

Quid est? 

Et ego et tu — 

Quid et ego et tu ? 

324 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

{to slave) Come, boy ! Quick ! Take the tankard 
round meantime — Delphium first. 

ACT n 

ENTER 7'ranio in grim consternation. stops at 

SOME distance FROM THE HOUSE AND REARRANGES 
A TOPPLING LOAD OF PARCELS. 

(to himself) Jove Almighty's after us, -with all his 
might and main, bound he'll ruin me and young 
master Philolaches for good ! Our Hope is dead ; 
Confidence can't find standing room ; not even 
Salvation herself can save us now, no matter if she 
yearned to ! Such a mountain mass of misfortune 
and misery as I just now set eyes on at the 
harbour I Master's back from abroad, and Tranio's 
bound for ruin I (to the audience) Anyone anxious 
to make a bit of easy money by taking my place 
at an execution ? Where are those valiant, fetter- 
offrictionacious young I'awhides, or those bold 
chaps that for four bob will rush the ramparts of 
the foe where you generally get five or ten spears 
stuck through you at once ? I'll give two hundred 
pounds to the first man to charge my cross and 
take it — on condition his legs and arms are double- 
nailed, that is. When this is attended to, he can 
claim the money from me cash down. But I — 
ain't I a cursed fool not to race off home on the 
run t (hurries on towards the house) 
(seeing hi?n) Here we are ! Here are the pro- 
visions ! Look I Tranio's back from the harbour ! 
Philolaches ! 
What is it > 

Both of us are 

(nervously) Both of us are what ? 

325 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Tr. Periimus. 

Philol. Quid ita ? 

Tr. Pater adest. 

Philol. Quid ego ex te audio ? 

Tr. Absumpti sumus, 

pater inquam tuos venit. 
Philol. Vbi is est, obsecro ? 

Tr. Adest. ^ 

Philol. Quisidait? quis vidit? 
Tr. Egomet inquam vidi. 

Philol. Vae niihi. 

quid ego ago ? 
Tr. Nam quid tu, malum, me rogitas quid agas ? 

accubas. 
Philol. Tutin vidisti ? 
Tr. Egomet, inquam. 

Philol. Certe ? 

Tr. Certe inquam. 

Philol. Occidi, 

si tu vera memoras. 
Tr. Quid mihi sit boni, si mentiar ? 

Philol. Quid ego nunc faciam ? 
Tr. lube haec hinc omnia amolirier. 

quis istic dormit } 
Philol. Callidamates. 

Tr. Suscita istum, Delphium. 

Del. Callidamates, Callidamates, vigila. 
Call. Vigilo, cedo ^ bibam. 

Del. Vigila. pater advenit peregre Philolachis. 
Call. Valeat pater. 

Philol. Valet ille quidem, atque ego disperii. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : iihi is est ? Lindsay. 
* Leo brackets following %it. 

326 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Done for I 

How so ? 

Your father's here ! 

(in a panic) What's that you say ? 

We're dead and buried I Your father's come, I 

tell you. 

Where is he, for heaven's sake ? 

Here ! 

Who says so ? Wlio saw him ? 

I did, I saw him myself, I tell you. 

(desperalehj) Now where am I ? 

Well, why the devil are you asking me where you 

are ? You're on that couch. 

You saw him your very self? 

I myself, yes. 

You're positive ? 

(his contempt and masterfulness rising rapidly) Yes, 

positive. 

It's all up with me, if you're telling the 

truth ! 
What should I gain by lying .'' 
[helplessly) What shall I do now? 
Have all this truck [with a wave at the party 
generally) cleared off. Who's that asleep there ? 
Callidamates, 
Wake him up, Delphium. 

{prodding him) Callidamates ' Callidamates ! 
Wake up ! 

{half ■ sitting tip, drowsily) I'm . - , wide awake. 
Give me a . . . drink, (drops back again) 
{digging at him) Wake up ! Philolaches's father's 
back from abroad ! 
Hell t' the . . . father. 

Healthy father? Indeed he is ! And I'm a dead 
one ! More ! 

327 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Call. Bis periisti ? qui potest ? 

Pkilol. Quaeso edepol, exsurge ; pater advenit. 
Call. Tuos venit pater? 

iube abire rursum. quid illi reditio etiam hue 
fuit? 
Philol. Quid ego agam ? pater iam hie me ofFendet miserum 
adveniens ebrium, 
aedis plenas convivarum et muHerum. miserum 

est opus, 
igitur demum fodere puteum, ubi sitis fauces 

tenet ; 
sicut ego adventu patris nunc quaero quid faciam 
miser. 
Tr. Ecce autem iterum hie deposivit caput et dormit. 

suscita. 
Pkilol. Etiam vigilas ? pater, inquam, aderit iam hie meus. 
Call. Ain tu, pater? 

cedo soleas mihi, ut arma capiam. iam pol ego 
occidam patrem. 
Philol. Perdis rem. 
Del. Tace, amabo. 

7V. Abripite hunc intro actutum inter manus. 

Call. Iam hercle ego vos pro matula habebo, nisi mihi 

matulam datis. 
Philol. Peril. 

Tr. Habe bonum animum : ego istum lepide 

medicabo metum. 
328 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

(interested) Dead . . . once more ? How can . . . 

that be ? 

Oh, for God's sake, man, get up ! My father's 

come ! 

(sitting up) Your father's . . . come ? Order him 

to . . . go. What's he . . . mean by . . . coming 

back here ? 

Oh, what shall I do ? This is awful ! He'll be 

here soon and find me drunk, and his house full of 

revellers and women ! Oh, it's an awful business 

— waiting till thirst has you by the throat before 

you dig your well ! That's my fix — my father 

back and I just wondering what to do, poor fool ! 

(who has been meditating) Look at him (pointiiig to 

Callidamates), will you ? Head down again and 

gone to sleep ! Stir him up ! 

(shaking him and pulling him up) There ! Wake 

up, will you ! (shouting) My father, I tell you, 

will be here in no time ! 

(staggerijig to his feet) You don't . . . say so? 

Your father ? (roaring) My . . . pumps ! My . . . 

arms ! By gad, I'll ... kill your father . . . 

dead in ... no time : 

You're wrecking everything ! 

Do keep still, there's a dear ! 

(to slaves) Catch hold of him and haul him off 

inside at once ! (resumes his meditatio?is) 

(as the slaves drag him in) By the . . . Lord, I'll 

soon be . . . using you . . . fellows for a . . . 

chamber pot, unless you . . . give me one. 

[exeunt. 
I'm done ! 

(emerging from his meditations with a joyous start) 
Brace up ! I'll doctor that fright of yours in fine 
style ! 

329 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Philol. Nullus sum. 

Tr. Taceas : ego qui istaec sedem meditabor tibi. 

satin habes, si ego advenientem ita patrem faciam 

tuom, 
non modo ne intro eat, veruni etiam ut fugiat 

longe ab aedibus ? J 

vos modo hinc abite intro atque haec liinc propere 
amolimini. 
Philol. Vbi ego ero? 

Tr. Vbi maxime esse vis : cum hac, cum istac eris. 

Del. Quid si igitur abeamus hinc nos ? 
Tr. Non hoc longe, Delphium. 

nam intus potate hau tantillo hac quidem causa 
minus. 
Philol. Ei mihij quam istaec blanda dicta quo evenant 

madeo metu. 
Tr. Potin animo ut sis quieto et facias quod iubeo ? 

Philol. Potest. 

Tr. Omnium primum, Philematium, intro abi, et tu, 

Delphium. 
Del. Morigerae Libi erimus ambae. 

Tr. Ita ille faxit luppiter. 

animum advorte nunciam tu quae volo accurarier. 
omnium primumdum aedes iam face occlusae sient ; 4 
intus cave muttire quemquam siveris. 
Philol. Curabitur. 

Tr. Tamquam si intus natus nemo in aedibus habitet. 

Philol. Licet. 



ZZ^ 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

It's all up with me ! 

Hush, hush ! I'm the man to think you up a 

sedative for all this. Will you be satisfied, if I 

fix it so that when your father arrives, he'll not 

only keep out of the house, but take to his heels 

out of its neighbourhood, too ? {to slaves) Inside 

with you fellows now, yes, and clear away this 

stuff {indicating the table, etc.), and be quick 

about it ! 

Where shall I be ? 

Where you like best to be — with this girl, with 

that one. 

Suppose we go away from here, then ? 

{confidentlii) Not an inch, Delphium I No, and 

vou're not to drink a drop the less inside there 

because of this. 

Oh dear! I'm all a sweat from fear what this 

smooth talk of yours will end in ! 

{sternly) Can't you keep cool and do what I tell 

you } 

{cowed) Yes, yes ! 

First of all, Philematium, you go inside, and you, 

too, Delphium. 

{going) We'll do anything you like, both of us. 

[exeunt. 
I hope to heaven you will ! {to Philolaches, who is 
gazing anxiously down the street) Here, you I Your 
attention at once, while I tell you what I want 
seen to ! In the first place, now, have the house 
all shut up. And mind you don't let anyone 
breathe a word inside. 
{nervously) I'll see to it. 

Just as if there wasn't a living soul inside 
occupying it. 
All right, all right ! 

331 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Tr. Neu quisquam responset, quando hasce aedis 

pultabit senex. 
Philol. Numquid aliud? 

Tr. Clavem mi harunc aedium Laconicam 

iam iube efFerri intus : hasce ego aedis occludam 

liinc foris. 
In tuam custodelam meque et meas spes trado, 

Tranio. 
Pluma baud interest, patronus an aliens probior 

siet. 
homini, cui nulla in pectore est audacia,! 
quamvis desubito facile est facere nequiter : 
verum id videndum est, id viri docti est opus, 
quae designata sint et facta nequiter, 
tranquille cuncta et ut proveniant sine malo, 
ne quid pgtiatur, quam ob rem pigeat vivere. 
sicut ego efficiam, quae facta hie turbavimus, 
profecto ut liqueant omnia et tranquilla sint 
neque quicquam nobis pariant ex se incom- 

modi, 
sed quid tu egredere, Sphaerio ? 

lamiam - — 

Optime. 
praeceptis paruisti. 

lussit maximo 
opere orare, ut patrem aliquo absterreres modo, 
ne intro iret ad se. 

Quin etiam illi hoc dicito, 
facturum me, ut ne etiam aspicere aedis audeat, 
capite obvoluto ut fugiat cum summo metu. 

' Leo brackets following v., 410 : 
nam cuivis homini, vcl ophimo vel pessumo. 

* Leo notes lacuna here : 
eloquar. Mnc clavem Jerri tihi erus iussit Leo. 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

And no one is to answer when the old man 
knocks at the door. 
(shuddering) Any tiling . . . else ? 
{thinking) The front door key ^ — have that brought 
out to me directly. I intend to lock the house up 
from the outside. 

(forlornly) I'm putting myself and my hopes in 
your hands, Tranio ! [exit. 

(complacent) It doesn't matter a feather's-weight 
whether it's patron or client who's the better 
man. Why, a fellow without a bit of nerve in his 
chest 2 can make a mess of things easily enough, 
on the shortest notice. But it takes a mighty 
smart man to see to it that all the mess that's 
planned and perpetrated turns out nicely, without 
landing him in such trouble that he's sorry he's 
alive. And that's what I'll do — fix it so that all 
the storm we've raised here will absolutely clear 
away and quiet down, without bringing us a bit of 
discomfort. 

ENTER A SLAVE FROM THE HOUSE. 

But what are you coming out for, Sphaerio } 

(showi7ig a key) You'll soon 

(grandly) Very good ! You have obeyed orders. 
He told me to beg you my very best to frighten 
his father away somehow from coming in upon 
him. 

Well now, you just tell him this — that I shall see 
to it he does not dare give that dwelling so much 
as a glance, but cover his head and take to his 
heels in an awful funk. Come, the key ! (fakes it) 

^ Laconicam — a key fashioned for locking a door from 
the outside, rather than from the inside, as was usual. 
* V. 410 : Yes, any fellow, the best or worst. 

2>iZ 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

clavem cedo atque abi intro atque occlude ostium, 
et ego hinc occludam. iube venire nunciam. 
ludos ego liodie vivo praeseiiti hie seni 
faciam, quod credo mortuo numquam fore, 
concedam a foribus hue, hinc speculabor procul, 
unde advenienti sarcinam iuiponam seni. 

II. 2. 

Th. Habeo, Neptune, gratiam magnam tibi, 

quom med amisisti abs te vix vivom domum. 

verum si posthac me pedem latum modo 

scies imposisse in undam, hau causast, ilico 

quod nunc voluisti facere quin facias mihi. 

apage, apage te a me nunciam post hunc diem : 

quod crediturus tibi fui, omne credidi. 

Edepol, Neptune, peccavisti largiter, 

qui occasionem banc amisisti tam bonam. 

Triennio post Aegypto advenio domum ; 

credo exspectatus veniam familiaribus. 

Nimio edepol ille potuit exspectatior 

venire, qui te nuntiaret mortuom. 

Sed quid hoc ? occlusa ianua est interdius. 

pultabo. heus, ecquis intust ? aperitin fores ? 

Quis homo est, qui nostras aedes accessit prope .' 

334 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Inside with you, and lock up ! I shall lock u}) 
from the outside. 

[exit Slave, Tranio locks the dook. 
Now let him come ! It's a royal send-off I'll give 
the old chap to-day, while he's alive and with 
us — which is more than he'll ever get when he 
dies, I'm thinking. I'll just drop back from the 
door {stands in the alley by Simo's house) and keep 
a look out, from over here, for my chance to load 
the old boy up when he arrives. 

2. ENTER Theopropides, followed uy slaves with 

HIS LUGGAGE. 

{dryly) I am deeply grateful to you, Neptune, for 

letting me get away home with a bit of life left in 

me. But if you ever hear of my going one foot's- 

breadth on the billows after this I give you leave 

to go straight ahead and do what you wished to 

do with me this time. Avaunt ! Avaunt, now 

and forevermore ! I've trusted you with all I 

mean to trust you. 

{aside) Gad, Neptune, you made a big mistake in 

letting go such a fine chance ! 

{approaching his house) Here I am, home from 

Egypt after three years ! And a welcome arrival 

I'll be to my household, I fancy. 

{aside) An arrival we could welcome much more, 

by gad, would be that of a man with news of 

your death ! 

{trying to open the door) But what does this mean ? 

The door locked in broad daylight ! I'll knock. 

{does so) Hey I Anyone inside ? Open up, will 

you I 

{stepping Old, with a honified air) Who's the man 

who got near our house .^ 

335 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Meus servos hie quidem est Traiiio. 

O Theopropides, 
ere, salve, salvom te advenisse gaudeo. 
usquin valuisti ? 

Vsque ut vides. 

Factum optime. 
Quid vos ? insanin estis ? 

Quidum ? 

Sic, quia 
foris ambulatis, natus nemo in aedibus 
servat, neque qui recludat neque ^ respondeat, 
pultando '^ paene confregi hasce ambas foris. 
Eho an tu tetigisti has aedis ? 

Cur non tangerem ? 
quin pultando, inquam, paene confregi foris. 
Tetigistin ? 

Tetigi, inquam, et pultavi. 

Vah. 

Quid est ? 
Male hercle factum. 

Quid est negoti .'' 

Non potest 
dici, quam indignum facinus fecisti et malum. 
Quid iam ? 

Fuge, obsecro, atque abscede ab aedibus. 
fuge hue, fuge ad me propius. tetigistin foris .'' 
Quo modo pultare potui, si non tangerem .'' 

1 Corrupt (Leo) : quis MSS. {qui B') ; Bothe deletes. 
* Leo brackets following pedibus. 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

{looking around) Well, well ! It's my servant, 
Tranio ! 

{ecstatic, hut not approaching) Oh, Theopropides, 
sir! How are you? Ah, I'm glad to see you 
safely back ! Have you been well all the time ? 
{brus(juely) All this time, as you see. 
That's splendid, sir ! 
What ails you folks ? Are you crazy ? 
Eh ? How so ? 

This is how so — here you are strolling around 
outside, not a mother's son of you minding the 
house, no one to unlock the door, no one to 
answer it I I nearly smashed the panels, pounding 
on it. 

{aghast) Oh-h-h ! You didn't touch this house, 
yourself.'' 

{angrily) Touch it .'' Why shouldn't I .'' Man 
alive, I nearly smashed the panels, pounding, I 
tell you ! 

You touched that door ? 
Touched it, yes ! And pounded it ! 
{almost collapsing) Oh, my God ! 
{mystified) What's the matter ? 
Lord, Lord, what an awful act ! 
Eh ? What d'ye mean .^ 

Oh, it's beyond expression — the dreadful thing 
you've done, the awful thing ! 
Wliat's all this ? 

Run, for God's sake, and get away from the 
house! (^Theopropides, someivhat aived, hacks away 
from the door) Run ! This way ! Nearer to me I 
Run ! ( Theopropides joins him hurriedly) You 
actually touched that door? 

{peevishly) How could I pound it, if I didn't 
touch it ? 

337 

VOL. III. Z 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Tr. Occidisti hercle — 

Th. Quern mortalem ? 

Tr. Omnis tuos. 

Th. Di te deaeque omnes faxint cum istoc omine — 

Tr. Metuo, te atque istos expiare ut possies. 

Th. Quam ob rem ? aut quam subito rem mihi adportas 

novam ? ^ 
Tr. Et heus, iube illos illinc ambo abscedere. 

Th. Apscedite. 
Tr. Aedes ne attigatis. tangite 

vos quoque terram. 
Th. Obsecro hercle^ quin eloquere.^ 

Tr. Quia septem menses sunt, quom in hasce aedis 

pedem 

nemo intro tetulit, semel ut emigravimus. 
Th. Eloquere, quid ita ? 
2V. Circumspicedum, numquis est, 

sermonem nostrum qui aiicupet ? 
Th. Tutum probest. 

Tr. Circumspice etiam. 

Th. Nemo est. loquere nunciam. 

Tr. Capitale scelus est. 

Th. Quid est? non satis intellego. 

Tr. Scelus, inquam, factum est iam diu, antiquom et 

vetus. 
Th. Antiquom ? 

Tr. Id adeo nos nunc factum invenimus. 

Th. Quid istuc est sceleris ? aut quis id fecit ? cedo. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here — a line of Tranio's, bidding his 
master touch the earth. 

* Leo notes lacuna here : rem Bothe. 



1 A prevention against evil. 
338 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Oh my Lord ! You've been the death 

{alarmed) Eh ? Of whom ? 

Of your whole family ! 

May all the powers above take you and that omen 

of yours and 

Oh, sir^ I fear you can never purify yourself and 

them ! {point'mg to the slaves) 

What for? Or what form of surprise are you 

springing on me ? 

And look here, sir, tell both those fellows to get 

away from there ! 

{to slaves) Away with you ! 

{as they pick up the luggage) Don't touch the 

house ! Touch the earth, ^ you fellows, too ! 

{they do so, frightened) [exeunt hurriedly. 

For the love of Heaven, come, come, out with 

it! 

No one has set foot in that house, you see, for 

seven months, ever since w^e moved out, sir. 

Speak up I Why's that .'' 

{timorous) Look around, and see if there's anyone 

to overhear us ! 

{doing so) It's perfectly safe. 

Look around again ! 

{looking) No one's near. Speak ! This instant ! 

{hissing in Theopi-opides s ear) It's crime — a capital 

crime ! 

{Jumping) What's that? I don't . . . quite . . . 

understand. 

A crime has been committed, I tell you — long, 

long ago, in the distant past ! 

{slightly relieved) In the distant past ? 

Yes, and we have but now uncovered it ! 

What sort of crime ? Who committed it ? Tell 

me, tell me ! 

339 
z 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Tr. Hospes necavit hospitem caj)tum manu ; 

iste, ut ego opinor, qui has tibi aedis vendidit. 
Th. Necavit? 
Tr. Aurumque ei ademit hospiti 

eumque hie defodit hospitem ibidem in aedibus. 
Th. Quaiiropter id vos factum suspicamini ? 

Tr. Ego dicam, ausculta. ut foris cenaverat 

tuos gnatuSj postquam rediit a cena domum, 

abimus omnes cubitum ; condormivimus : 

lucernam forte oblitus fueram exstinguere ; 

atque ille exclamat derepente maximum. 
Th. Quis homo ? an gnatus meus ? 
Tr. St, tace, ausculta modo. 

ait venisse ilium in somnis ad se mortuom. 
Th. Nempe ergo in somnis ? 

Tr. Ita. sed ausculta modo. 

ait ilium hoc pacto sibi dixisse mortuom. 
Th. In somnis ? 

Tr. Mirum quin vigilanti diceret, 

qui abhinc sexaginta annos occisus foret. 

interdum inepte stultus es, Theopropides. 
Th. Taceo. 
Tr. Sed ecce quae illi in ^ somnis mortuos : 

"ego transmarinus hospes sum Diapontius. 

hie habito, haec mihi dedita est habitatio. 

nam me Acheruntem recipere Orcus noluit, 

^ somnis mortuos Sclioell : Leo notes lacuna here. 
340 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

The master here overpowered his guest and 
[suddenlij clutching Theopropides's arm, to his dis- 
comfiture) murdered him ! That fellow who sold 
this house to you^ in my opinion ! 
Murdered him ? 

And robbed him of his gold — his guest! — and 
buried him — his guest ! — here, here in the house ! 
What makes you suspect that all this happened ? 
Listen, and I'll tell you. {after peering about, 
7varily) One night when your son had dined out, 
after he got back home from the dinner, we all 
went to bed. We fell fast asleep. I happened 
to have forgotten to put out the light. And then, 
all of a sudden, he let out a frightful {loudly) 
yell! 

{with a start) Who ? Who ? Not my son ? 
Sh-h-h ! Keep quiet ! Just listen ! He said 
that in his sleep that . . . dead man came to 
him ! 

{regaining some of his composure) Oh, so it was in 
his sleep, then ? 

Yes. But just you listen ! He said tlij^t . . . 
dead man spoke these words to him. 
In his sleep ? 

{irate) It is odd he didn't speak to him when he 
was wide awake, considering he's been killed 
these sixty years ! You are an awful dunderhead 
at times, Theopropides ! 

(rneekly, impressed by Tranio's tremendous earnestness) 
I'll say nothing. 

But hear what that dead man told him in his 
sleep, sir — {melodramatically) " Diapontius am I, 
a guest from o'er the sea. Here do I abide, this 
house is the abode allotted me. For Orcus hath 
denied me entrance into Acheron, I having been 

341 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

quia praemature vita careo. per fidem 
deceptus sum : hospes ^ me necavit isque me 
defodit insepultum clam ^ in hisce aedibus, 
scelestus, auri causa, nunc tu hinc emigra. 
scelestae hae sunt aedes, impia est habitatio." 
quae hie monstra fiunt^ anno vix possum eloqui, 

Th. St, St ! 

Tr. Quid, obsecro hercle, factum est? 

Th. Concrepuit foris. 

Tr. Hicin percussit ! 

Th. Guttam baud habeo sanguinis, 

vivom me accersunt Acheruntem mortui. 

Tr. Perii, illisce hodie banc conturbabunt fabulam. 

nimis quam formido, ne manifesto hie me opprimat. 

Th. Quid tute tecum loquere ? 

Tr. Abscede ab ianua. 

fuge, obsecro hercle. 

Th. Quo fugiam ? etiam tu fuge. 

Tr. Nihil ego formido, pax mihi est cum mortuis. 

Intus. Heus, Tranio. 

Tr. Non me appellabis, si sapis. 

nihil ego commerui, neque istas percussi fores. 

Inhis. Quaeso — 

Tr. Cave verbum faxis. 

^ Leo brackets following hie. 
* Leo brackets following ibidem. 

342 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 



cut off before my time. I trusted, and I was 

betrayed. Here was I murdered by my accursed 

host, for the sake of gold, and in this very house 

did he give me secret, unhallowed burial. Hence 

with you now I Accursed is this house, 'tis a 

defiled abode I " Oh, sir, I could hardly tell you 

in a year all the . . . weird things that have 

happened here I 

(listening, terrijied) Sh-sh-h ! 

(his eyes bulging) For God's sake, what was it ? 

(backing aivay) A . . . creaking of the . . . door ! 

(sidling lip to the house and calling to the ghost 

ptacatitigli/) He did it ! (pointing to Theopropides) 

He knocked ! 

(quaking) Oh, I haven't a drop of blood in my 

body ! Dead men are after me, to take me down 

to Acheron alive ! 

(aside) Damnation ! Those people in there will 

soon be dishing this whole performance ! Lord ! 

I'm horribly afraid he'll catch me at it ! 

What's that you're muttering there ? (conies 

nearer) 

(yelling) Get away from the door I Run, for God's 

sake, run ! 

(backing away, but susjncious) Run where ? You 

run, too ! 

I have nothing to fear. I am at peace with the 

dead. 

yithin Hey, Tranio ! 
(to the ghost, for the benefit oj" all parties) You won't 
call me, if you have any sense! (Theopropides 
retreats rapidly) I haven't done anything wrong ! 
It wasn't I knocked at that door ! 

'ithin I want to know — 
(loudly) Not one word ! 

343 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Th. Die quid segreges 

sermonem. 
Tr. Apage hinc te. 

Th. Quae res te agitat, Tranio ? 

quicum istaec loquere ? 
Tr. An quaeso tu appellaveras ? 

ita me di amabunt, mortuom ilium credidi 

expostulare quia percussisses fores. 

sed tu, etiamne astas nee quae dieo optemperas? 
Th. Quid faciam ? 

Tr. Cave respexis, fuge/ operi caput. 

Th. Cur non fugis tu ? 

Tr. Pax mihi est cum mortuis. 

Th. Seio. quid modo igitur ? cur tanto opere exti- 

mueras? 
Tr. Nil me curassis, inquam, ego mihi providero. 

tu, ut occepisti, tantum quantum quis fuge, 

atque Herculem invoca. 
Th. Hercules, ted invoco. 

Tr. Et ego — tibi hodie ut det, senex, magnum malum. 

pro di immortales, obsecro vestram fidem, 

quid ego hodie negoti confeci mali. 



ACTVS III 

Mis. Scelestiorem ego annum argento faenori 

numquam uUum vidi quam hie mihi annus optigit. 
a mani ad noetem usque in foro dego diem, 
locare argenti nemini nummum queo. 

^ Leo brackets following atque. 
344 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Tell me why you're breaking off the conversation. 

(more loudly) Be gone ! Be gone ! 

What possesses you, Tranio ? Who are you saying 

all that to ? 

{turning in surprise) For heaven's sake, it wasn't 

you that called, sir ? Lord love me, I thought 

that dead man was getting savage because you 

knocked at the door ! (listens intently, Tkeopropides 

ivatching him with reneived nervousness ; then in sudden 

alarm) But yon (Theopropides gives a start) — you're 

still standing here? Not minding what I sav ? \ 

W^hat shall I do ? 

Run ! Cover your head ! And don't look back ! 

(^scared, but somewhat suspicious) Why don't you 

run, yourself? 

I am at peace with the dead. 

I see. But how about a moment ago ? Why 

were you in such a panic then ? 

{still listening at the doo?-) Don't bother about me, 

sir, I tell you. I'll look out for myself, all riglit. 

{listens more intently ; a look of horror comes over his 

face ; he leaps into the air tvith a screech) Run, run, 

for all you're worth, as you began ! And call on 

Hercules ! 

{bolting, his nerves shattered) Oh, Hercules, I call 

on thee ! [exit. 

And so do I — to make short shrift of you to-day, 

old chap ! Good Lord deliver us, but I've done 

a fine day's work ! 

ACT III 

ENTER Misargyrides, in low spirits. 

Harder times in the loan business than we've had 
this year I never did see. Down town all day 
long from morning till night, and I can't put out 
two bob ! 

345 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Nunc pol ego peril plane in perpetuom modum. 
danista adest, qui dedit argentum faenore, 
qui arnica est empta quoque opus in sumptus fuit. 
manifesta res est, nisi quid occurro prius, 
ne hoc senex resciscat. ibo huic obviam. 
sed quidnam hie sese tam cito recipit domum ? 
metuo ne de hac re quippiam indaudiverit. 
accedam atque adpellabo. ei quam timeo miser, 
nihil est miserius quam animus hominis conscius, 
sicut me ^ habet. verum utut res sese habet, 
pergam turbare porro : ita haec res postulat. 
unde is? 

Conveni ilium unde hasce aedis emeram. 
Numquid dixisti de illo quod dixi tibi? 
Dixi hercle vero omnia. 

Ei misero mihi, 
metuo ne techinae meae perpetuo perierint. 
Quid tute tecum ? 

Nihil enim. sed die mihi, 
dixtine quaeso? 

Dixi, inquam^ ordine omnia. 
Etiam fatetur de hospite ? 

Immo pernegat. 
Negat scelestus ? 

Negitat inquam. 

Cogita : 
non confitetur? 

1 Corrupt (Leo) : me (inale) habet Niemeyer. 
346 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

{aside, seeing him) Oh^ my Loi'd ! I'm in a most 

everlasting mess now, and no mistake ! There's 
the moneylender that let us have the cash to buy 
the girl and run the house with ! Everything's 
out, unless I get the start and hit on some way of 
keeping the old man in the dark. I'll go meet 
the fellow, {glancing down the street in the opposite 
direction and seeing Theopropides) But what on earth 
is he coming home so soon for.'' I'm afraid he's 
got wind of this I I'll up and at him ! {going to 
meet him) But, oh dear, I am in an awful funk ! 
There's nothing more awful than a guilty 
conscience — and mine does bother me ! Well, 
no matter what's up, I'll keep on complicating 
things. That's what the case demands. 

ENTER Theopropides. 

Where have you been, sir ? 

{scrutinizing him) I have met the man I bought 

this house from. 

You didn't tell him anything about what I told 

you, sir.'' 

Indeed I did, by Jove, — everything. 

{in a low tone) Oh dear, this is the very devil ! I'm 

afraid my scheme has gone to smash everlastingly ! 

What are you saying to yourself? 

{hurriedly) Why, nothing. But tell me, sir, did 

you tell him, really ? 

I did, I say — everything from beginning to end. 

And he confesses about the guest, eh ? 

He does not. He denies it utterly. 

The villain denies it ? 

Denies it up and down, I say. 

Think again, sir I Doesn't he admit it ? 

347 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Dicam si confessus sit. 
quid nunc faciundum censes ? 

Egon quid censeam ? 
cape, obsecro hercle, cum eo una iudicem 
(sed eum videto ut capias, qui credat mihi) : 
tam facile vinces quani pirum volpes comest. 
Sed Philolachetis servom eccum Tranium, 560 

qui mihi neque faenus neque sortem argenti 

danunt. 
Quo te agis ? 

Nee quoquam abeo, ne ego sum miser, 
scelestus, natus dis inimicis omnibus, 
iam illo praesente adibit. ne ego homo sum miser, 
ita et hinc et ilhnc mi exhibent negotium. 
sed occupabo adire. 

Hie ad me it, salvos sum, 
spes est de argento. 

Hilarus est : frustra est homo, 
salvere iubeo te, Misargyrides, bene. 
Salve et tu. quid de argentost ? 

Abi sis, belua. 
continue adveniens pilum iniecisti mihi. 57O 

Hie homo est inanis. 

Hie homo est certe hariolus. 
Quin tu istas mittis tricas ? 

Quin quid vis cedo. 
Vbi Philolaches est? 

Numquam potuisti mihi 
magis opportunus advenire quam advenis. 
Quid est ? 

Concede hue. 



348 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

I should tell you, if he did. What do you think 

should be done now ? 

(indignant) What do I think ! For God's sake, 

sir, get some arbitrator, you and he ! (aside) But 

see you get one who will take my word, (aloud) 

and you'll win as easily as a fox eats a pear. 

(seeing him) Aha ! There's Philolaches' servant, 

Tranio ! Neither principal nor interest do I get 

from those two I 

(as Tranio edges toward Misargyrides) Whither 

away ? 

(slopping) Oh, nowhither. (aside) Lord ! but I'm 

an unlucky rascal ! It was an evil star I was born 

under ! He'll catch me now while the old man's 

here ! Loi*d ! but I am an unlucky chap — the 

way they're hounding me right and left ! But 

I'll board him first, (advances toward Misargyrides) 

(aside, pleased) He's coming up to me ! Saved ! 

I have hopes of my money. 

(aside) See him grin ! He's fooling liimself. 

(aloud) A very good day to you, Misargyrides. 

Good day ! How about the money ? 

Kindly get out, you beast ! The minute 1 get in 

range, you open fire on me ! 

(disappointed lif, seeing no sign of a wallet) There's 

nothing in this fellow. 

There's second sight in this fellow, that is sure. 

Come, drop that chafling, will you ? 

Come, tell me what you want. 

Where is Philolaches ? 

(con/idefifiallij) You could not have turned up at a 

better time than this, (fries to lead him further 

a way from Theopropid es) 

(resisting) How so ? 

Step over here, (ptdls him) 

349 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quin mihi faenus redditur ? 
Scio te bona esse voce, ne clama nimis. 
Ego hercle vero clamo. 

Ah, gere morem mihi. 
Quid tibi ego morem vis geram ? 

Abi quaeso hinc domum. 
Abeam ? 

Redito hue circiter meridie. , 
Reddeturne igitur faenus ? 

Reddeturne. abi. 58( 

Quid ego hue recursem aut operam sumam aut 

conteram ? 
quid si hie manebo potius ad meridie ? 
Immo abi domum, verum hercle dico, abi modo.^ 
Quin vos mihi faenus date, quid hie nugamini ? 
Eu liercle, ne tu — abi modo, ausculta mihi. 
lam hercle ego ilium nominabo.^ 

Euge strenue. 
beatus vero es nunc, quom clamas. 

Meum peto. 
multos me hoc pacto iam dies frustramini. 
molestus si sum, reddite argentum : abiero. 59( 

responsiones omnes hoc verbo eripis. 
Sortem accipe. 

Immo faenus, id primum volo. 
Quid ais tu, omnium hominum taeterrime ? 
venisti hue te extentatum ? agas quod in manu est. 
non dat, non debe£. 

Non debet? 

Ne frit quidem 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : Mis. at volo (or non eo) ; prius 
da faenus. Tr. I inquam i »ioc?o Studemund. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : " clawatio intercidit {Ritschelius, 
Mnellencs, pros. 6G0) " Leo. 

35° 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

{more loudly) Why don't I get my interest ? 

I know you have a good voice. Don't strain it, 

yelling. 

Jiy the Lord, I certainly will yell ! 

(placoti/igly) Oh, now, now ! Do oblige me. 

How d'ye want me to oblige you ? 

Go away, go home, there's a good fellow. 

{snarling) Go away ? 

And come back here about noon. 

{hopefully) I'll get my interest, then ? 

{pushiiig him along) You'll get it. Go away. 

{rebellious) Why should I keep chasing back here, 

expending all that effort, or wasting it ? Suppose 

I stay here till noon instead ? 

No, no ! Go on home ! I'm telling you the 

truth. I swear I am ! Only do go away ! 

See here, you pay me my interest ! Why all this 

trifling ? 

{sarcastically) Splendid, by Jove ! You certainly 

— {pleadingly) do go away now, do listen to me ! 

{bawling) By Jove, I'll denounce him publicly this 

minute I 

Fine ! Make it loud ! You're really happy, now 

you're yelling ! 

I want what's mine ! Day after day now you've 

fooled me this way ! If I bother you, pay me my 

money — and I'll be gone ! You can shut me up 

tight with just one word. 

{as if ready io pay) Here, take your principal. 

No, no, the interest ! I want that first ! 

What is that, you vile old reprobate ? Did you 

come here to spread yourself.'' Do your worst. 

He will pay you nothing, he owes you nothing. 

Owes me nothing ? 

Not as mucii as a granule can you get out of him. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ferre hinc potes. an metuis ne quo abeat foras 
urbe exulatum faenoris causa tui, 
quoi sortem accipere iam licet? 

Quin non peto 
sortem : illuc primum, faenus, reddundum est 

mihi. *60( 

Molestus ne sis. nemo dat, age quid lubet. 
tu solus, credo, faenore argentum datas. 
Cedo faenus, redde faenus, faenus reddite, 
daturin estis faenus actutum mihi ? 
datur faenus mihi ? 

Faenus illic, faenus hie. 
nescit quidem nisi faenus fabularier. 
ultro te. neque ego taetriorem beluam 
vidisse me umquam quemquam quam te censeo. 
Non edepol tu nunc me istis verbis territas. 
Calidum hoc est : etsi procul abest, urit male.^ 
quod illuc est faenus, opsecro, quod illic petit? 61( 

Pater cecum advenit peregre non niulto prius 
illius, is tibi et faenus et sortem dabit, 
ne inconciliare quid nos porro postules. 
vide num moratur. 

Quin feram, si quid datur. 
Quid ais tu ? 

- Quid vis ? 

Quis illic est ? quid illic petit 
quid Philolachetem gnatum compellat meum 
sic et praesenti tibi facit convicium ? 
quid illi debetur ? 

^ Leo notes lacuna here. 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

You are not afraid he will leave tlie country, are 

vou, all because of your interest, when you can 

have the principal at once ? 

I'm not after the principal, I tell you ! You've 

got to pay me that interest first ! 

Don't bother me. No one will pay you, do what 

you like. You are the only moneylender alive, I 

suppose ! 

My interest I Give me my interest ! Give me 

my interest, you two ! Are you going to pay 

me my interest this minute? Am I to get my 

interest ? 

Interest, interest everywhere ! Upon my soul, 

the only word he knows is " interest ! " Off with 

you ! I do believe I never saw a more disgusting 

beast than you. 

You don't scare me off now with talk like that, 

not on your life ! 

{tvko has been surveying them, aside) This is pretty 

hot ! I'm getting well singed, even at this 

distance, {advances, calling to Tranio) What on 

earth is that interest the fellow's after ? 

{to Misargyrides, hurriedly) See ! There's his father, 

just back from abroad ! He'll pay you your 

interest and principal, both, {attetnpting to push 

him off) Don't try to make any more trouble for 

us. Just see if he puts you off. 

{holding his ground) Well, if anything is paid me, 

I'll just take it along. 

{coming up, to Tranio) Answer me I 

What is it, sir } 

Who is that fellow? What is he after? What 

does he mean by dunning my son Philolaches 

this way and reviling you to your face ? Wliat's 

owing him ? 

353 

VOL. III. A A 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Obsecro hercle, illud iube 
obici illi argentum ob os impurae beluae. 
lubeani — ? 

luben homini argento os verberarier? 
Perfacile ego ictus peri^etior argenteos. 
Audin ? videturne, obsecro herclCj idoneus, 
danista qui sit, genus quod improbissimum est. 
Non ego istuc euro qui sit quid sit unde sit : 
id volo mihi dici, id me scire expeto, 
quod illud argentum est? 

Est — huie debet Philolaches 
paulum. 

Quantillum? 

Quasi — quadraginta minas ; 
ne sane id multum censeas. 

Paulum id quidem est. 
adeo etiam argenti faenus creditum audio. 
Quattuor quadraginta illi debentur minae, 
et sors et faenus. 

Tantumst, nihilo plus peto. 
Velim quidem hercle ut uno nummo plus petas. 
die te daturum, ut abeat. 

Egon dicam dare ? 
Die. 

Egone ? 

Tu ipsus. die modo, ausculta mihi. 
promitte, age inquam : ego iubeo. 
354 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Oh, for the love of heaven, sir, tell us to throw 
that money in his face, the filthy beast I 

Tell you ? 

Tell us to pound his face in with the money, will ' 

you, sir ? 

{grin?wig) I won't be bothered a bit by pounds of 

money. 

D'ye hear him ? By the Lord, now ! Isn't he 

just the sort to be a moneylender, the worst pack 

of rascals living ? 

(sternly) I am not concerned with who he is, or 

what he is, or where he's from. What I want to 

be told, what I'm anxious to know, is what that 

money is. 

[jioundering) It's — Avell, Philolaches owes him a 

little something. 

How little } 

About — er — two hundred pounds. Of course you 

surely can't think that's much, sir, surely. 

[more slcrnly) It's a " little something," indeed ! 

Beside, there's interest due to him, too, I 

understand. 

Two hundred and twenty pounds, sir, altogether, 

principal and interest, both. 

Exactly ! I'm not claiming any more. 

[who is casting about for an inspiration) By gad, I 

just wish you would claim one penny more ! [to- 

Theopropidcs) Tell him you'll pay him, sir, and get 

rid of him. 

Tell him I'll pay him ? 

Tell him, sir. 

1? 

You yourself, sir. Go on, tell him. Listen to 

me, sir. Come, come, sir, promise him, I say. I 

authorize it, myself. 

355 
A .\ 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Responde mihi : 
^quid eo est argento factum ? 

Salvom est. 

Solvite 
vosmet igitur, si salvomst. 

Aedis filius 
tuos emit. 

Aedis ? 

Aedis. 

Euge, Philolaehes 
patinssat : iam homo in mercatura vortitur. 
ain tu, aedis ? 

Aedis inquam. sed scin quoius modi? 
Qui scire possum ? 

Vah. 

Quid est? 

Ne me roga. 
Nam quid ita? 

Speculo claras, candorem merum. 
Bene hercle factum, quid, eas quanti destinat ? 
Talentis magnis totidem quot ego et tu sumus. 
sed arraboni has dedit quadraginta minas ; 
hinc sumpsit quas ei dedimus. satin intellegis ? 
nam postquam haec aedes ita erant, ut dixi tibi, 
continuo est alias aedis mercatus sibi. 
Bene hercle factum. 

Heus, iam adpetit meridie. 
Absolve hunc quaeso, vomitu ne hie nos enecet. 
Adulescens, mecum rem habe. 

Nempe aps te petam? 
Petito eras. 



^ Literally : "As many talents as you and I added 
toKelher. " 



356 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Answer me — what has become of this money ? 

Oh, it's secure. 

Well, secure it yourselves, then, if it's secure. 

{the inspiration arriving) Your son has bought a 

house, sir. 

A house? 

A house. 

{growing pleased) Ah, that lad's capital ! A chip 

of the old block ! Quite a business man already ! 

A house, you say } 

Yes, sir, a house ! D'ye know what kind of a 

house, though ? 

How should I ? 

{adminngly) Whew-w-w ! 

What about it? 

Oh, don't ask me, sir ! 

Eh ? Why not ? 

It would dazzle a mirror, sir ! Simply stunning ! 

Bless my soul, that's fine ! Er — how much did 

it cost him ? 

Three hundred pounds, sir, — times the sum of 

you and me.^ But this two hundred was in 

part payment. And he got the money from 

this fellow, {indicating Misargyrides) Is it all 

clear, now, sir ? You see, after this house turned 

out as I told you, he bought himself another at 

once. 

Bless my soul, well done ! 

Hey there ! It's getting nigh noon ! 

{outraged) For mercy's sake, pay him off, sir, or 

he'll splutter the life out of us ! 

{to Misargyrides, with dignity) You are to deal 

with me, young man. 

You mean I'm to look to you for my money? 

Yes, look for it to-morrow. 

357 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Abeo : sat liabeo, si eras fero. 
Malum quod isti di deaeque omnes duint, 
ita mea consilia perturbat paenissime. 
nullum edepol hodie genus est hominum taetrius 
nee minus bono cum iure, quam danisticum. 
Qua in regione istas aedis emit filius ? 
Ecce autem perii. 

Dicisne hoc quod te rogo ? 
Dicam. sed nomen domini quaero quid siet. 
Age comminiscere ergo. 

Quid ego nunc agam^ 
nisi ut in vicinum hunc proximum i rem conferam. 
eas emisse aedis huius dicam filium ? 
calidum hercle esse audivi optimum mendacium. 
quidquid dei dicunt, id decretumst dicere. 
Quid igitur ? iam commentu's ? 

Di istum perduint — 
(immo istunc potius) de vicino hoc proximo 
tuos emit aedis filius. 

Bonan fide ? 
Siquidem tu argentum reddituru's, turn bona^ 
si redditurus non es, non emit bona, 
non in loco emit perbono? 

Immo in optumo. 
cupio hercle inspicere hasce aedis. pultadum 

fores 
atque evoca aliquem intus ad te, Tranio. 
Ecce autem perii. nunc quid dicam nescio. 
iterum iam ad unum saxum me fluctus ferunt. 
quid nunc ? non hercle quid nunc faciam reperio : 
manufesto teneor. 

Evocadum aliquem ocius, 
roga circumducat. 

^ proximum '(rem conferam^ Ritschl : A reading 
doubtful : proxivmvi mendatium P. 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

(going) I'm off— well off, if I get it to-morrow, 

[exit. 
(aside) Get hanged to-morrow ! 1 hope to lieaven 
he does, the way he all but sent my plans to pot ! 
By gad, you can't find a more disgusting, or less 
honourable, class of men than these moneylenders ! 
Whereabouts is the house my son bought? 
(aside) Aha ! Here I am, floored ! 
Are you going to answer me ? 

I will, sir. But . . . I'm trying to get hold of 
the owner's name. 
Come on, then, think of it. 

(aside) Now what shall I do — unless I pass it off 
on our next door neighbour here, and say his son 
bought this house } By Jove, the best kind of lie, 
so I've heard, is a red hot one. Here goes ! I'll 
give him whatever the gods give me to say ! 
Well now .'' Have you thought of it yet ? 
The devil take that fellow ! (aside) Or, better, 
this fellow! (aloud) It's your next door neigh- 
bour's house here that your son bought, sir. 
Honestly? 

Why, yes, honestly, if you pay the bill, but not if 
you don't, sir. But didn't he buy in a jolly fine 
quarter, sir? 

" Fine ? " The very best ! Bless my soul, I'm 
eager to look over this house ! Come, knock at 
the door and call someone out, Tranio. 
(aside) Aha ! Here I am, floored again ! Now I 
don't know what to say I Driven up again against 
the same old rock ! What now ? By gad, what 
I'm to do now I can't imagine ! I'm caught in 
the act ! 

Come, quick ! Call someone out and ask him to 
take us round, (advances toiraid house) 

359 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Heus tu^ at hie sunt mulieres : 
videndumst primum^ utrum eae velintne an non 

velint. 
Bonum aequomque oras. i^ pevcontare et roga. 
ego hie tantisper, dum exis, te opperiar foris. 
Di te deaeque omnes funditus perdant, senex, 
ita mea consilia undique oppugnas male, 
euge, optume eceum aedium dominus foras 
Simo progreditur intus. hue eoncessero, 
dum mihi senatum consili in cor convoco. 
igitur turn aeeedam luinc, quando quid agam 

invenero. 



Melius anno hoc mihi non fuit domi, 6l 

nee quod una esea me iuverit magis. 

prandium uxor mihi perbonum dedit, 

nunc dormitum iubet me ire : minime. 

non mihi forte visum ilico fuit^ 

melius quom prandium quam solet dedit : 

voluit in cubiculum abducere me anus. 

non bonust somnus de prandio. apage. 

clanculum ex aedibus me edidi foras. 

tota turget mihi uxor^ scio, domi. 

Res paraita ©st mala in vesjierum huic seni. 7( 

nam et cenandum et cubandumst ei male. 

Quom magis cogito cum meo animo : 

si quis dotatam uxorem atque anum habet, 

360 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

(desperate) Oh, I say, sir ! Why, there are ladies 
here. We've got to see whether they're willing 
or not, first. 

{stoppmg) Right you are I That's proper. Go 
inquire, and ask permission. I shall wait outside 
here, meanwhile,' till you get back, [husies him- 
self wifh a pleased survey of' the house J'rom various 
angles) 

(aside, going toward Siyno's door) May you be 
totally damned, old fellow, with the confounded 
way you bombard my plans from every quarter ! 
(listening and looking) Good ! Splendid ! Here's 
the owner of the house, Simo himself, coming 
out ! I'll just step back here, (stations himself in 
the alley) while I summon my wits to a senatorial 
session in my chest. Then when I've hit on a 
plan of action, I'll at liim. 

ENTER Simo INTO HIS PORTICO. 

(iri good humour) I haven't been better treated this 
year — at home — or, consequently, had a single 
meal that I enjoyed more. That was a luscious 
lunch my wife gave me ! And now she tells me 
to go and take a nap ! Not a bit of it ! I soon 
surmised it was no accident that she gave me 
a better lunch than usual. She wanted to get 
me off to bed, the old jade ! An after-luncheon 
snooze is no good. Lord deliver me I I sneaked 
away and slipped out. She's in there all boiling 
over at me, I know that. 

(aside) There's a bad time brewing for this old 
chap this evening. I tell you what, he's in for 
a bad dinner and a bad night, both ! 
The more I think it over in my mind — a man that 
marries a rich wife, and an old one, never suffers 

361 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

neminem soUicitat sopor : ibi omnibus 

ire dormitum odio est veluti nunc niilii 

exsequi certa res est, ut abeam 

potius hinc ad forum quam domi cubem. 

atque pol nescio, ut moribus sient 

vostrae : haec sat scio quam me habeat male.^ 

peius posthac fore quam fuit mihi. 71 

Abitus tuos tibi, senex, fecerit male : 

nihil erit, quod deorum ullum accusites ; 

te ipse iure optimo merito incuses licet. 

tempus nunc est senem hunc adloqui mihi. 

hoc habet. repperi qui senem ducerem, 

quo dolo a me dolorem procul pellerem. 

accedam. di te anient plurimum, Simo. 

Salvos sis, Tranio. 

Vt vales? 

Non male, 
quid agis ? 

Hominem optumum teneo. 

Amice facis, 
quom me laudas. 

Decet. 

Certe. quin mutuomst : 72 

hercle ted hau bonum teneo servom manu.^ 
quid imnc .'' quam mox ? 

Quid est ? 

Quod solet fieri hie 
intus. 

Quid id est ? 



^ Leo notes lacuna here : habet (Botlie) wale (ety 
(Lindsay) peims. 

^ Leo brackets following v., 721a: 
Heia, mastigia, ad me rcdi. 

Jam isti era, 

362 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

from somnolence. Fellows in that fix all abomi- 
nate going to bed. Take my own case now — I'm 
going down to the forum, I am, [glancmg hack into 
the house nervously) certainly am, rather than go to 
bed at home, [to the audience) Good Lord ! 1 
don't know what your wives are like — but I do 
know well enough what a rough life mine lets me 
in for. I'll find the future rougher than the past. 
(aside) It's your own truancy that'll make it rough, 
old boy. There'll be nothing for you to keep 
laying up to Heaven ; the only right and proper 
thing for you to do is to lay into yourself. Now's 
the time for me to have a word with the old 
fellow, {an idea strikes him) This gets him I I've 
found a way to take him in ! I'll decoy him and 
duck all damage myself. Here goes I (steps up 
and grasps Simo's hand fervently) God bless you, 
Simo, bless you bountifully I 
A good day to you, Tranio ! 
How are you, sir ? 
Not bad. What about 3'ou ? 

Me? I'm shaking hands with the finest man on 
earth, sir. 

Kind of you to approve of me. 
I ought to, sir. 

Certainly. Well, it's mutual — b}"^ Jove, I'm shak- 
ing hands with a good — for nothing — servant.^ 
(with a fvinli, and a nod toward Theopropides's house) 
Well ? How much longer ? 
Eh } What ? 

Oh, the usual goings on in there. 
Eh ? What's that ? 

1 V. 72Ia: 
Hey, you whipstock, come back here ! 

In a moment, sir. 

363 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Scis iam quid loquar, sic decet.^ 
morem geras. 

vita quam sit brevis,^ simul cogita. 
quid ? ehem, 

vix tandem percepi super his rebus nostris te loqui. 
Musice hercle agitis aetatem, ita ut vos decet, 
vino et victu probo, piscatu electili -j 

vitam colitis.* 

Immo vita antehac erat : 
nunc nobis omnia haec exciderunt simul. 
Quid urn.'' 

Ita oppido occidimus omnes, Simo. 
Non taces.'^ prospere vobis cuncta usque adliuc 
proeesserunt. 

Ita ut dicis facta hau nego. 
nos profecto probe ut voluimus viximus. 
sed, Simo, ita nunc ventus navem nostram deseruit. 

Quid est.'' 
quo modo ? 

Pessimo. 

Quaene subducta erat 
tuto in terra ? 
Ei. 

Quid est ? 

Me miserum, occidi. 
Qui? 

Quia venit navis, nostrae navi quae frangat ^ 
ratem. 74 

Vellem ut tu velles, Tranio. sed quid est negoti ? 

Eloquar. 
erus peregre venit. 
Tunc tibi primum flagrum*5 portenditur, 

^ Leo notes lacuna liere : intus. scis iam — T. quid est! 
S. quid loquar. sic decet Leo. 
* Leo notes lacuna here : tu Leo. 

364 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

You know now what I mean, {approvingly — and 

receptivelij) That's the w^y ! Be good to yourself ! 

Yes, and reflect how short life is. 

What ? Oho ! I didn't quite understand you — 

these doings of ours, you mean. 

I tell you ! That's a life in the elegant style, just 

what it should be ! With your wining and 

dining . . . fancy food . . . choice fish . . . ah, 

that's living ! 

That ivas living, you should say, sir. That's all over 

for us, now, everything at once. 

Why, how's that ? 

We're a total wreck, Simo, the whole lot of us. 

Don't talk like that ! Everything has been going 

smoothly for you all this time. 

Quite right — I'm not denying that. We've 

certainly had the tiptop life we wanted. But 

how the wind has failed our ship now, Simo I 

Wliat do you mean } In what way ? 

The very worst ! 

A ship that was hauled up safe on shore } 

Ugh!_ 

What's wrong? 

Lord help me I I am a wrecked man ! 

How so ? 

Because a ship has come to ram our craft. 

Sincere sympathy, Tranio ! But what's the 

trouble } 

This — master's back from abroad. 

{coldly) Then that portends for you, first, a 

• Leo notes lacuna here : Qiaereoy quid (siet, loquere 
perplexe. > ehem Leo. 

• Corrupt (Leo) : (vos) colitis Spengel. 
' Corrupt ( Leo) : trahes 'Lovenz. 

• primumj^gru7n Leo, who notes lacuna here. 

-"^ 365 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

inde ferriterium, postea crux. 

Per tua te genua obsecro, 
ne indicium ero facias meo. 

E me, ne quid metuas, nil sciet. 
Patrone, salve. 

Nil moror mi istius modi clientis. 
Nunc hoc quod ad te noster me misit senex — 
Hoc mihi responde primunij quod ego te rogo : 
iam de istis rebus voster quid sensit senex ? 
Nil quicquam. 

Numquid increpavit filium ? 
Tam liquidust quam liquida esse tempestas solet.^ 
nunc te hoc orare iussit opere maximo, 
ut sibi liceret inspicere hasce aedis tuas. 
Non sunt venales. 

Scio equidem istuc. sed senex 
gynaeceum aedificare volt hie in suis 
et balineas et ambulacrum et porticum. 
Quid ergo somniavit ? 

Ego dicam tibi. 
dare volt uxorem filio quantum potest, 
ad eam rem facere volt novom gynaeceum. 
nam sibi laudavisse hasce ait architectonem 
nescio quem exaedificatas iusanuni bene ; 
nunc hinc exemplum capere volt, nisi tu nevis. 
nam ille eo maiore hinc opere ex te exemplum 

petit, 
quia isti umbram aestate tibi esse audivit perbonam 
sub sicco lumine usque perpetuom diem. 
Immo edepol vero, quom usquequaque umbra est, 

tam en 
sol semper hie est usque a mani ad vesperum : 
quasi flagitator astat usque ad ostium, 

^ Leo notes lacuna here. 
366 



tHE HAUNTED HOtJSE 

whip, next, a job in ironwear, and last of all, a 

cross. 

{embracing Simo's legs) By your knees, sir, I beg 

you, don't give me away to master ! 

He shall learn nothing from me, never you fear. 

Oh, my protector ! 

No proteges of your sort for me ! 

Now, sir, the matter our old master sent me to 

you about 

Answer me this question first — has your old 

master got any inkling of those antics ? 

Not a glimmer, sir. 

He hasn't given his son a blowing up ? 

He's serene as any summer's day, sir. And just 

now he told me to ask you most urgently to allow 

him to inspect this house of yours. 

{surprised) It is not for sale. 

Oh yes, sir, I know that. But the old fellow 

wants to build women's apartments on to his own 

house here, and baths, and a walk, and a portico. 

Well, what sort of a dream has he had ? 

It's this way, sir. He wants to get his son 

married as soon as possible. That's why he wants 

new women's apartments. And he says some 

architect or other has praised your house to him 

as being awfully well built. So now he wants to 

take it for a model, if you don't mind. He's all 

the keener, you see, sir, for taking it as a model 

because he has heard you're so wonderfully shaded 

there during the dry summer weather, all day 

long. 

Bless my soul ! But the fact is that when it's 

shady everywhere else, the sun is always here, 

just the same, from morning till night, all the 

time. It's forever right at my door, just like a 

367 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

nee mi umbra hie usquamst, nisi si in puteo 

quaepiamst. 
Quid, Sarsinatis eequa est, si Vmbram non babes? 7 
Molestus ne sis. haec sunt sicut praedico. 
At tamen inspicere volt. 

Inspieiat, si lubet ; 
si quid erit quod illi placeat, de exemplo meo 
ipse aedifieato. 

Eon, voco hue hominem ? 

I, voca. 
Alexandrum magnum atque Agathoclem aiunt 

maximas 
duo res gessisse : quid mihi fiet tertio, 
qui solus facio faeinora immortalia ? 
vehit hie clitellas, vehit hie autem alter senex. 
novicium mihi quaestum institui non malum : 
nam muliones mulos elitellarios • 7 

habent, at ego habeo homines elitellarios. 
magni sunt oneris : quidquid imponas vehunt. 
nune hune hau scio an eonloquar. congrediar, 
heus Theopropides. 

Hem quis hie nominat me ? 
Ero servos multis modis fidus. 

Vnde is ? 
Quod me miseras, adfei'o omne impetratum. 
Quid illie, opsecro, tam diu destitisti ? 
Seni non erat otium, id sum opperitus. 
Antiquom optines hoe tuom, tardus ut sis. 

^ Literally : " A Sarsina girl, if you haven't an Umbrian. " 
* Who defeated the Carthaginians in Sicily in the fourth 
centurj' B.C. 

368 , 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

bill collector, and I haven't any shade here any- 
where, unless you can find a bit in the well. 
[grinning) Ah then, if you're out of shadows, how 
about a fat ^ lady ? 

Don't be impertinent I It's just as I tell you. 
But he wants to inspect it, just the same, sir. 
Let him, if he likes. If there's anything that 
suits him, he can use my house for a model and 
build away. 

Shall I go and call him here, sir .'^ 
Go call him. 

(aside, approaching Theopropides) They say the great 
Alexander and Agathocles ^ were a pair that did 
mighty big things. How about myself, for a third, 
with the immortal deeds I'm doing, single- 
handed ? This old chap (indicating Simo) is carrying 
a pack, and this other one (indicating Theopropides, 
ivho is still admiring the house) is carrying another. 
A new line, this, I've organized, and it's not half 
bad — why, your mule drivers have their pack 
mules, but I have pack men ! And how you can 
load 'era ! They carry anything you stuff 'em 
with 1 (aside, seeing Theopropides is still rapt) I 
wonder if I ought to have a word with him now. 
Yes, I'll have at him ! (aloud) I say, Theopropides ! 
Eh ? Who's that calling me ? 
A slave devoted to his master, body and soul, sir. 
Where have you been .'' 

That matter you sent me about, sir— I got him to 
agree to it, all right. 

Why were you away so long there, for heaven's 
sake ? 

The gentleman was not at leisure, sir, and I waited 
till he was ! 
You have your same old habit — always lagging. 

369 

VOL. 11 r. B B 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Heus til, si voles vevbum hoc cogitare, 
simul flare sorbereque baud factu facilest. 
ego hie esse et illic simitu bau potui. 
Quid nunc? 

Vise, specta tuo usque arbitratu. 
Age i, duce me. 

Num moror ? 

Supsequor te. 
Senex ipsus te ante ostium eccum opperitur. 
sed ut maestus est se hasce aedis vendidisse. 
Quid tandem ? 

Orat ut suadeam Pbilolacbeti, 
ut istas remittat sibi. 

Haud opinor. 
sibi quisque ruri metit. si male emptae 
forent, nobis istas redhibere haud liceret. 
lucri quidquid est, id domum trahere oportet. 
misericordia se abstinere ^ hominem oportet. 
Morare hercle verba ut ^ facis. subsequere. 

Fiat, 
do tibi ego operam. 

Senex illic est. em, tibi adduxi hominem. 
Salvom te advenisse peregre gaudeo, Theopropides. 
Dei te ament. 

Inspicere te aedis has velle aiebat mihi. 
Nisi tibi est incommodum. 

Immo commodum. i intro atque inspice. 
At enim mulieres — 



' se abstinere Leo : misericordias MSS. 

* verba ut Leo and others : la(;una in MSS. 



370 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

{wounded) Oh, sir! And you— just you consider 

the old proverb, please : " No easy task it is to 

blow and sip, together." I couldn't be here and 

there at the same time, sir. 

Well now ? 

Go and look at it, sir. Examine it quite at your 

pleasure. 

Come then, move, lead the way ! 

(going, quickly) Am I delaying you, sir .'' 

I'm following after you. 

(halting) See, sir ! There's the gentleman himself 

waiting for you in front of the door. But how 

sad he feels at having sold this house ! 

He does.? Why? 

He begs me to persuade Philolaches to let him 

have it back. 

(indignant) I think not ! Each for himself at 

harvest time ! If we had got the worst of the 

bargain, there'd have been no backing out of it for 

us. Get what you can, and keep what you get. 

A man should keep his heart strings tightly drawn. 

(moving on) Now, now, sir, you're delaying me with 

your proverbs ! Do follow after me. 

Certainly. At your service, (they go on to the 

house). 

There's your gentleman, sir. (to Si/no) Here he 

is ! I've brought him, sir ! 

(shaking hands) I'm glad to see you safely back 

from abroad, Theopropides ! 

God bless you ! 

He said you wanted to inspect this house here. 

If it won't inconvenience you. 

No, no ! Quite convenient ! Go on in and 

inspfect it. 

Yes, but the women. 

37» 

B B 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Cave tu ullam flocci faxis niuliereni. 
qua libet perambula aedis oppido tamquam tuas. 
Tamquam ? 

Ah, cave tu illi obiectes nunc in aegritudine, 81 
te lias emisse. non tu vides hunc, voltu uti tristi 

est senex ? 
Video. 

Ergo inridere ne videare et gestire admoduni ; 
noli facere mentionem te has emisse. 

Intellego, 
et bene monitum duco, atque esse existumo 

humani ingeni. 
quid nunc ? 

Quin tu is intro, atque otiose perspecta ut lubet. 
Bene benigneque arbitror te facere. 

Factum edepol volo.^ 
Viden vestibulum ante aedis hoc et ambulacrum 

cuius modi? 
Luculentum edepol profecto. 

Age specta postes cuius modi, 
quanta firmitate facti et quanta crassitudine. 
Non videor vidisse postis pulchriores. 

Pol mihi 82 

eo pretio empti fuerant olim. 

Audin " fuerant " dicere ? 
vix videtur continere lacrimas. 

^ Leo brackets following vv., 816a-816b : 

vin qui perduetet ? 

A2^age istum perductorem, non placet. 

quidqidd est, crrabo potius qiuim perduetet quispiam. 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

(scoivling) Don't you give a damn for any one of 

'em. Uamble all over the place wherever you 

like, just as if it were your own. 

{to Tranio) "As if" ? 

{aside, to Theopropides) Ah, sir, don't twit him with 

having bought it, now he feels so glum about it. 

Don't you see how down in the mouth he is, poor 

old fellow ? 

That's a fact. 

Well then, sir, don't seem to have the laugh on 

him or to be over-eager. I shouldn't mention 

having bought the place. 

I see. That's certainly a good suggestion, and one, 

I think, that shows fine feeling, {to Simo) Well ? 

Go inside, do, and look about at your leisure, just 

as you see fit. 

That's very kind and considerate of you, I'm sure. 

Oh, you're quite welcome ! ^ 

{enthusiastically) Do you see this vestibule in front 

here, sir, and what a walk that is ? 

By gad, a beauty, it certainly is ! 

And here, sir, look ! Such posts ! {poiiiting to the 

two pillars of the vestibule, and nodding, for the 

benefit of the audience, at the two old gentlemen.) 

How solid they are ! How thick ! 

More handsome ones I never did see, I do believe ! 

Gad ! And a handsome price it was I once paid 

for them ! 

{aside, to Theopropides) D'ye hear him, sir — 

" once" } He seems barely able to keep back iiis 

tears. 

1 Vv. 816a-816b : 
Do you want someone to take you in? Th. Take me in? 
No, sir, none of that ! Not for me ! Whatever comes, 
I'd rather go wrong than ever have any one take me in. 

373 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quanti hosce emeras? 
Tris minas pro istis duobus praeter vecturam 

dedi. 
Hercle qui multo iniprobiores sunt quam a primo 

credidi. 
Quapropter? 

Quia edepol ambo ab infimo tarmes secat. 
Intempestivos excises credo, id eis vitium nocet. 
atque etiam nunc satis boni sunt, si sunt inducti 

pice ; 
non enim liaec pultiphagus opifex opera fecit 

barbarus. 
viden coagmenta in foribus ? 
Video. 
Specta, quam arte dormiunt. 
Dormiunt? 

Illud quideni, ut conivent, volui dicere. 
satin habes ? 

Vt quidquid magis contemplo, tanto 
magis placet. 
V'iden pictum, ubi ludificat cornix una volturios, 

duos? 
Non edepol video. 

At ego video, nam inter volturios duos 
cornix astat, ea volturios duo vici$sim vellicat. 
quaeso hue ad me specta, cornicem ut conspicere 

possies. 
iam vides ? 

Profecto nullam equidem illic cornicem intuor. 
374 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

(/t» Simo) How much did you pay for these ? 

(examines the pillars) 

Fifteen pounds for the pair of them, besides the 

freight. 

Bless my soul ! They're in very much worse 

condition than I at first supposed I 

How's that, sir ? 

Well, well ! Because a worm has been at work 

on the base of both of them. 

They (slt/li/ indicating the old gentlemen) were 

felled out of season, I fancy ; that's what ails 

them. They're all right enough even now, 

though, with the help of a coat of tar. It wasn't 

any slopswilling foreigner did this job, I tell you, 

sir. Do you see those door joints .'^ 

Yes, indeed. 

Look how they (again indicating the old men) 

sleep together ! In position, that's why ! 

Sleep ? 

Yes, that is, slip together, I meant to say. You 

take me, sir ? 

The more I look at everything, the more I like 

it all ! 

Do you see the picture, sir, where one crow is 

making game of a couple of vultures .'' 

(looking about) Gracious, no, I don't see it. 

But I do, sir. Why, the crow is planted between 

the pair of vultures (casually steps between Simo and 

Theopropides) and he's pecking at the pair of 'em 

in turn. For mercy's sake, sir, look this way, 

toward me, so as to see the crow ! (as Theopropides 

looks vainly in Tranio's direction down the portico) 

See it now ? 

I certainly do not discern anv crow there at 

all. 

375 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

At tu isto ad vos optuere, quoniam cornicem nequis 
conspicari, si volturios forte possis contui. 
Omnino, ut te absolvam, nuUam pictam conspicio 

hie avem. 
Ao;e, iam mitto, ignosco : aetate non quis optueriei*. 84 
Haec, quae possum, ea mihi profecto euncta vehe- 

menter placent. 
Latius demum est operae pretium ivisse. 

Ilecte edepol mones. 
Eho istum, puere, circumduce hasce aedis et con- 

clavia. 
nam egoinet ductarem, nisi mi esset apud forum 

negotium. 
Apage istum a me jierductorem, nil moror ductarier. 
quidquid est, errabo potius quam perductet quis- 

piam. 
Aedis dico. 

Ergo intro eo igitur sine perductore. 

Ilicet. 
Ibo intro igitur. 

Mane sis videam, ne canis — 

Agedum vide. 
Est I abi, canis. est ! abin dierecta ? abin hinc 

in malam crucem ? 85 

at etiam restas ? est ! abi istinc. 

Nil pericli est, age modo. 
tam placidast, quam feta. quam vis ire intro 

audaeter licet. 
eo ego hinc ad forum. 

37^ 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

(going to the other side of Theopropides) Well then, 
sir, look that way {pointing vaguely) toward your- 
selves, and since you can't distinguish the crow, 
see if you can't, perhaps, discover the vultures. 
(following instructions without projit, then impatiently) 
No picture of a bird at all do I perceive here, so 
have done with it ! 

All right, sir, I'll let it pass, and make allowances. 
Your eyesight isn't what it used to be. 
I'm mightily pleased with everything I can see, 
that's sure. 

Well now, you'll find it woi-th your while to look 
about still further. 
Yes, yes, a good suggestion ! 

(calling to a slave within) Hey, boy ! Take this 
gentleman over the house, all the I'ooms. I'd take 
you in myself, you see, except for having business 
at the forum. 

None of that taking in for me ! Whatever it is, I 
had rather go wrong than have anyone take me in. 
(with a wink at Tranio) In the house, I mean. 
W^ell, I'll go in, then, without anyone taking me in. 
All right, all right ! 

I'll go inside then, (makes toward door) 
(winking at Simo) Hold on, sir, please ! Let me 

see whether the dog 

(halting, very abruptly) Yes, yes, do see ! 
(in the doorway) S-s-st ! Get out, you cur ! S-s-st ! 
Get out, damn you I Get to the devil out of this ! 
What I You won't budge ? S-s-st ! Get out of 
that ! 

There's no danger. Come, come, now I She's as 
gentle as any bitch in pup. You can go on in 
boldly as you please. VVell, I'm off to the forum. 

[exit. 

377 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Fecisti commode^ bene anibula. 
TraniOj age^ canem istam a foribus aliquis abducat 

face, 
etsi noil metuenda est. 

Quin tu illam aspice ut placide aceubat ; 
nisi molestum vis videri te atque ignavom. 

lam ut lubet. 
sequere hac me igitur. 

Equidem baud usquam a pedibiis apscedam tuis. 

ACTVS IV 

Servi qui, quom culpa careiit, tamen malum 

metuontj 
ei Solent esse eris utibiles. 
nam illi qui nil metuont postquam sunt malum 

meriti, 
stulta sibi expetunt consilia : 
exercent sese ad cursuram,^ sed ei si reprehensi 

sunt, 
faciunt de malo peculium quod nequeunt de bono, 
augent ex pauxillo thensaurum inde^ parant. 
mihi in pectore consiliumst cavere^ malam rem 

prius 
quam ut meum tergum doleat ! ^ 
ut adliuc fuit, mihi corium esse oportet, 
sincerum atque ut votem verberari. 
si huic imperabo, probe tectum habebo, 
malum quom impluit ceteris, ne imjjluat mi. 
nam ut servi volunt esse erum, ita solet.^ 
boni sunt, bonust ; improbi sunt, malus fit. 

^ Leo brackets ioUow in g; fug iu7it. 

* thensaurum in^chy Leo, who also supplies (^con- 
sil{)umst cavere and tergum doleat in the two following 
lines. 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

(calling after him) I'm much obliged to you ! A 

pleasant walk ! {lo Tranio) Come, Tranio, make 

someone lead that plaguy dog away from the door^ 

no matter if it's not dangerous. 

Now, now, sir, do look and see how quietly she's 

lying there — unless you choose to seem a fussy 

coward ! 

(screwing up his courage and stepping into the doorway) 

Well, just as you say ! You come along too, then. 

Yes, indeed, sir ! I'll stick close to your heels ! 

[exeunt. 
ACT IV 

ENTER Phaniscus. 

(s7nugly) Slaves that stand in awe of a thrashing, 
even while they're free from fault, they're the 
ones that are apt to be useful to their masters. 
For when those that stand in awe of nothing, 
have once earned a thrashing, the course they 
take is idiotic. They train for racing. But 
when they're caught they earn and save more 
Avelts from whips than they ever could earn and 
save from tips. Their income grows from almost 
nothing till they become regular rawhide kings. 
But personally, my plan is to beware of welt$ 
before my back begins to pain me. I feel it 
desirable to keep a whole skin, as I have hitherto, 
and debar drubbings. If I only control this 
article (survei/ing his pilfering left hand), I'll keep 
well roofed, and when it's raining welts on the 
rest of 'em, I won't get soaked. For a master's 
generally what his slaves choose to make him. If 
they're good, he's good; if they're bad, he gets 

' Leo notes lacuna here : ita [se parahit] Leo. 

379 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

nam nunc domi nostrae tot pessimi vivont, 

peculi sui prodigi, plagigeruli. 

iibi adversum ut eanrE~vocantur ero : "non eo, 

molestus ne sis. 
scio quo properas : gestis aliquo ; iam hercle ire 

vis, mula, foras pastum." 
bene merens hoc preti inde abstuli. abii foras. 
solus nunc eo advorsuni ero ex plurimis servis. 8 
hoc die crastini quom erus resciverit, 
mane castigabit eos bubulis exuviis. 
postremo minoris pendo tergum illorum, quani 

meum : 
illi erunt bucaedae multo potius, quam ego sim 

restio. 

Mane tu atque adsiste iHco, 
Phanisce. etiam respicis ? 
Mihi molestus ne sies. 
Vide ut fastidit simia. 
manesne ilico, impure parasite ? 
qui parasitus sum ? 

Ego enim dicam : cibo perduci potis es quovis. 
Mihi sum, libet esse, quid id curas ? 
Ferocem f'acis, quia te erus amat. 

Vah, 8 

oculi dolent. 

Cur? 

Quia fumus molestust. 
Tace sis, faber, qui cudere soles plumbeos 

nummos. 
Non potes tu cogere me, ut tibi male dicam. 
novit erus me. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : die tu Leo. 

^ Bucaedae is glossed by qui bovcs caedunt. 
.-.So 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

bad. Now you see we've got a houseful of slaves 
as bad as bad can be, that blow in all their savings 
on their backs. 'When they're called on to fetch 
their master home, it's : " I'm not going, don't 
bother me ! I know what your hurry is— itching 
to be out somewhere ! Oh yes, you mule, now 
you want to be off to pasture ! " That's all the 
thanks I got from them for being dutiful. I left 
'em. Here I am, the only one of the whole gang 
to see master home. To-morrow, when he finds 
it out, he'll give 'em a morning dose of cattle hide. 
Oh well, I consider their backs of less consequence 
than mine. They'll go in for tanning ^ long 
before I do for i-oping. (proceeds towards the house 
of Theopropides) 

!. ENTER Pinaciiim. 

Wait, you ! Stop where you are, Phaniscus I 

Look round, won't you .'' 

Don't bother me. 

See how stuck up he is, the monkey ! Wait where 

you are, won't you, you filthy parasite } 

[halting) How am I a parasite ? 

Well, I'll tell you how — a dinner would draw you 

anywhere. 

I live for myself, and like to live well. How does 

that concern you ? 

You're perky, just because you're master's pet I 

La ! La ! How my eyes burn ! 

Why? 

Too much hot air here. 

Oh, you kindly close your mouth, you coiner of 

counterfeit quips ! 

{savagely) You can't make me {sweetly) say nasty 

things to you. Master knows what I am. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pin. Suani quidein pol culcitulam oportet. 

Phan. Si sobrius sis, male non dicas. 

Pin. Tibi obtemperem, cum tu mihi nequeas ? 

Phan. At tu mecum, pessime, ito adversus ; quaeso liercle 
abstine 

iam sermonem de istis rebus. 
Pin. Faciam, et pultabo fores. 

Ileus, ecquis hie est, maximam qui his iniuriam 

foribus defendat ? ecquis has aperit foris ? 

nemo hinc quidem foras exit. 

ut esse addecet nequam homines, ita sunt, sed 
eo magis cauto est opus, ne hue 

exeat qui male me mulcet. 



IV. 3. 

Tr. Quid tibi visum est mercimoni ? 

Th. ^Totus gaudeo. 

Tr. Num nimio emptae tibi videntur? 

Th. Numquam edepol ego me scio 

vidisse usquam abiectas aedes, nisi modo hasce. 
Tr, Ecquid placent? 

T'h. Ecquid placeant me rogas? immo hercle vero 

perj)lacent. 
Tr. Cuius modi gynaeceum ? quid porticum.'' 

Th. Insanum bonam. 

non equidem uUam in publico esse maiorem hac 
existimo. 
Tr. Quin ego ipse et Philolaches in publico omnis 

porticus 

sumus commensi. 
Th. Quid igitur? 

Tr. Longe omnium longissima est. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here: (j^otus) totus Gruterus. 
382 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

(laughing) Gad ! He ought to know his own 
pillow ! 

If you were sober, you wouldn't say such nasty 
things. 

Am I to mind you when you won't mind me ? 
(^moving on) Well, come along with me to meet 
master, you riff-raff. And for heaven's sake, drop 
that sort of talk now ! 

I will, and take a crack at the door, (pounding on 
il furiously) Hey! Anyone here to defend this 
door from assault.^ Anyone going to open up? 
(listens) No one's coming out from here, that's 
sure ! They're just what you'd expect of good- 
for-nothings ! (pounds still more furiously, then 
listens again) But I must be more careful, or 
someone may come out and make a mess of me. 
(they step aside^ 

3. ENTER Tranio and Theopropides from Simo's house. 

What do you think of this for a bargain, sir ? 
I'm delighted, delighted ! 
You don't think it cost too much ? 
By gad, I know I never saw a house thrown away 
anywhere, if this one wasn't now ! 
So you're quite satisfied, sir? 

Quite satisfied ? Lord, Lord, man ! I'm super- 
satisfied, and that's a fact ! 

How about those women's apartments ? And the 
portico ? 

Awfully fine ! Really, I don't think there is a 
public portico any bigger. 

As a matter of fact, sir, I myself, and Philolaclies, 
measured all the public porticoes. 
Well, what about it ? 
It's the longest of all, by a long way. 

383 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Di immo; tales, mercimoni lepidi. si hercle nunc 

ferat 
sex talenta magna argenti pro istis praesentaria, 
numquam acci2:)iam. 

Si hercle accipere cu2:)ies, ego numquam sinam. 
Bene res nostra conlocata est istoc mercimonio. 
Me suasore atque impulsore id factum audacter 

dicito, 
qui subegi, faenore argentum ab danista ut sumeret, 
quod isti dedimus arraboni. 

Servavisti omnem ratem. 
nempe octoginta debentur huic minae ? 

Hau nummo amplius. 
Hodie accipiat. 

Ita ejiim vero, ne qua causa subsiet. 
vel mihi denumerato, ego illi porro denumeravero. 
At enim ne quid captioni mihi sit, si dederira 

tibi. 
Egone te ioculo modo ausim dicto aut facto fallere ? 
Egone aps te ausim non cavere, ne quid committam 

tibi? 
Quid ? tibi umquam quicquam, postquam tuos sum^ 

verborum dedi? 
Ego enim cavi recte : earn mihi des gratiam atque 

animo meo. 
sat sapio, si aps te modo uno caveo. 

Tecum sentio. 
Nunc abi rus, die me advenisse filio. 

Faciam, ut iubes. 

384 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Ye immortal gods ! What a lovely bargain ! By 
Jove, if he should come and offer me a cool 
eighteen hundred pounds for it, cash down, I 
would never take it. 

By Jove, sir, and if you yearn to take it, I'll never 
let you. 

Our money is well invested in such a bargain ! 
Own up frankly, sir, that it all came of my 
prompting and persuasion. It was I compelled 
him to go to a moneylender and borrow the sum 
we gave him in part payment. 

You saved the whole ship ! So four hundred 
pounds are due to him, then ? 
Not a penny more, sir. 
He can have it to-day. 

By all means, sir, so that he'll have no excuse to 
back out. Or you might pay it over to me, and 
then I'll see he's paid. 

{surveying him sharply) Only there must be no 
catch in it for me, if I should give it to you. 
{wounded) Would I ever dare deceive you, sir, in 
word or deed, even in fun ? 

And would I ever dare not be on my guard 
against you, against trusting you with any- 
thing } 

What.'' Have I ever tricked you at all, sir, since 
I've been in your service } 

Hm ! I have been precious well on my guard. 
You can thank me and my good sense for your 
rectitude. I show sufficient wisdom, if I simply 
guard against you alone. 
{aside) 1 agree with you. 

Now be off to the iarm, and tell my son that I 
have arrived. 
Anything you say, sir. 

385 

VOL, III. C C 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Th. Curriculo iiibe in urbem veniat iani simul tecum. 

Tr. Licet. S 

nunc ego me iliac per posticum ad congerrones 

conferam. 
dicam ut hie res sint quietae atque hunc ut liinc 
amoverim. 
Phan. Hie quidem neque convivarum sonitus, item ut 
antehac fuit, 
neque tibicinam cantantem neque alium quemquam 
audio. 
Th. Quae illaec res est? quid illisce homines quaerunt 
apud aedis meas .'' 
quid volunt? quid intro spectant? 
Pin. Pergam pultare ostium. 

heus, reclude, heus, Tranio, etiamne aperis ? 
Th. Quae haec est fabula? 

Pin. Etiamne aperis? Callidamati nostro adversum 

venimus. 
Th. Heus vos, pueri, quid istic agitis? quid istas aedis 

fi-angitis ? 
Phxm. Heus senex, quid tu percontare ad te quod nihil 

attinet? J 

Th. Nihil ad me attinet? 
Phan. Nisi forte factu's praefectus novos, 

qui res alienas procures, quaeras videas audias. 
Th. Non sunt istae aedis, ubi statis. 

Phan. Quid ais ? an iam vendidit 

aedis Philolaches ? aut quidem iste nos defrustratur 
senex. 
Th. Vera dico. sed quid vobis est negoti hie ? 
Phan. Eloquar. 

erus hie noster potat. 
386 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Tell him to come to the city now along with you, 

and post haste. 

\'^ery well, sir. (aside) Now I'll betake myself to 

my pals by the back door there. I'll tell 'em how 

things here have calmed down and how I cleared y 

him out of the place. [exit. ^ 

(listening again at Theopropides's door) Well ! Not a 

sound from the i:)arty in here, as there always has 

been ! (Pinaciionjoifis him) And I don't hear any 

music girl singing, or anyone else, either. 

(aside, seeing them) What does that mean } What 

are those fellows after at my house ? What do 

they want ? What are they looking in for ? 

I'll keep on dinging at the door, (banging it) 

Hey, unlock ! Hey, Tranio, open up, will you ? 

(aside) What sort of show is this ? 

Open up, will you ! W^e've come for our master, 

Callidamates ! 

(advancing, hut stopping at a safe distance) Hey, you 

boys ! What are you up to there ? What are you 

battering down that house for .'' 

{after another scries of bangs) Hey, you old man ! 

What are you asking questions for, about what's 

none of your business ? 

None of my business ? 

Not unless you chance to be a newly elected 

prefect, to poke and pry and look and listen in 

other folks' affairs. 

That house you're in front of is my affair. 

What's that .'' (to Pinacium) Philolaches hasn't 

sold the house now ? Or is that old man merely * 

bediddling us .'' 

I am stating the facts. But what is your business 

here ? 

This — our master's at a party here. 

387 
c c 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Th. Erus hie voster potat ? 

Phan. Ita loquor. 

Th. Puere, niinium delicatu's. 

Phan. Ei advorsum veniinus. 

Th. Ciii homini? 

Phan. Ero nostro. quaeso, quotiens dicendumst tibi? 

Th. Puere, nemo hie habitat, nam te esse arbitror 

puerum probum. 
Phan. Non hie Philolaches adulescens habitat hisce in 

aedibus ? 
Th. Habitavit, verum emigravit iam diu ex hisce 

aedibus. 
Pin. Senex hie elleborosust certe. 
Phan. Erras pervorse, pater. 

nam nisi hinc hodie emigravit aut heri, certo scio 

hie habitare. 
Th. Quin sex menses iam hie nemo habitat. 

Pin. Somnias. 

Th. Egone ? 
Pin. Tu. 

Th. Tu ne molestu's. sine me cum puero loqui. 

nemo habitat. 
Phan. Habitat profecto, nam heri et nudius tertius, 

quartus, quintus, sextus, usque postquam hinc 
peregre eius pater 

abiit, numquam hie triduom unum desitum est 
potarier. 
Th. Quid ais ? 

Phan. Triduom unum est baud intermissum hie 

esse et bibi, 
■ scorta duci, pergraecari^ fidicinas tibicinas 

^ ducere. 
Th, Quis istaec faciebat ? 

Phan. Philolaches. 

Th. Qui Philolaches ? 

388 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Your master at a party here ? 
That's what I say. 
You're joking, boy I 
And we've come to get him. 
Whom ? 

Our master. For mercy's sake, how many times 
must you be told .'' 

But, boy, no one Hves here ! (^scrutinising him) Yes, 
you do seem to be a good lad. 
Doesn't young Philolaches live in this house here .'' 
He did, but he moved out long ago. 
The old chap's surely ripe for the asylum. 
You're making a bad mistake, father. For unless 
he has moved out to-day, or yesterday, 1 know for 
certain he does live here. 

Why, nobody has lived here for six months now. 
You're dreaming ! 
I? 

Yes, you ! 

Don't be impertinent, you ! Let me talk with 
him [indicating Phaniscus). No one lives here. 
Well, he does, that's sure, for yesterday and the 
day before, and the day before, and the day before, 
and the day before — why, from the very time 
his father went abroad there's never been a three- 
days' stretch without a spree. 
(troubled) What's that you say ? 
That there hasn't been a three-days' halt in the 
eating and drinking and wenching, in leading the 
gay life and bringing in lute girls and flute girls. 
(more troubled) Who was doing all this ? 
Philolaches. 
What Philolaches.'' 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : conduci Ritschl. 

389 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quoius patrem Theopropidem esse opiiior. 

Ei mihi, occidi, 
si haec hie vei'a memorat. pergam porro per- 

contarier. 
ain tu istic potare solitum Philolachem istum, 

quisquis est^ 
cum ero vostro? 

Hie, inquam. 

Piiere, praeter speciem stultus es. 
vide sis, ne forte ad merendam quopiam devorteris 
atque ibi ampliiiscule quam satis fuerit biberis. 

Quid est? 
Ita dico, ne ad alias aedis perperam deveneris. 
Seio qua me ire oportet et quo venerim novi locum. 
Philolaclies hie habitat, cuius est pater Theo- 

propides. 
qui, postquam pater ad mercatum hinc abiit, hie 

tibicinara 
liberavit. 

Philolachesne ergo ? 

Ita, Philematium quidem. 
Quanti ? 

Triginta. 

Talentis ? 

Ma TGv 'AttoA-Xw, sed minis. 
Liberavit ? 

Liberavit valide, triginta minis. 
Ain minis triginta amicam destinatam Philolachi ? 
Aio. 

Atque cam manu emisisse? 
Aio. 

Et, postquam eius hinc pater 
sit profectus peregre, perpotasse assiduo, ac simul 
tuo cum domino? 



39° 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

I think his father's name is Theopropides. 

(flA/V/t') Lord help me ! I'm a ruined man^ if what 

he says is so ! I'll inquire into it further, {aloud, 

struggling to appear casual) You say that that 

Philolaches, whoever he is, is in the habit of 

having parties, with your master, in that house ? 

In this house, yes. 

Boy, boy, you're more muddle-headed than you 

look ! Just consider now whether you didn't 

happen to drop in somewhere for a snack and 

drink a wee bit too much. 

{ivarmli/) \Miat's that ? 

I say it just to warn you from coming to the wrong 

house by mistake. 

I know the Avay I should go, and I know the 

jilace I've come to. Philolaches lives here. His 

father's Theopropides. And after his father went 

away on a trading trip, he set free a music girl. 

{with a start) Philolaches ? Really ? 

jyst so — and her name's Philematium. 

{feverishly) How much ? 

Three thousand. 

{appalled) Pounds? 

Non, par dieu I Shillings. 

He set her free ? 

Indeed he did, rather ! For a hundred and fifty 

pounds. 

You say a hundred and fifty pounds were spent 

for a mistress for Pliilolaches ? 

That's what I say. 

And he freed her .'' 

That's what I say. 

And that after his father left for foreign parts he 

has forever been getting fuddled, and with your 

master ? 

391 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Pkan. Aio. 

Tk. Quid? is aedis emit hashinc proxumas? 

Phan. Non aio. 

Th. Quadraginta etiam dedit huic quae essent 

pignori ? 
Phan. Neque istud aio. 

Ei, perdis. 

Immo suom patrem illic perdidit. 
Vera cantas. 

Vana vellem. patris amicu's videlicet. 
Eu edepol patrem eius miserura praedicas. 

Nihil hoc quidem est^ 
triginta minae, prae quam alios dapsilis sumptus 

facit. 
Perdidit patrem. 

Viius istic servos est sacerrimus, 
Tranio : is vel Herculi conterere quaestum possiet. 
edepol ne me eius patris misere miseret, qui cum 

istaec sciet 
facta ita, amburet ei misero corculura carbunculus. 
Si quidem istaec vera sunt. 

Quid meream, quam ob rem mentiar? 
Heus vos, ecquis hasce aperit? 

Quid istas pultas^ ubi nemo intus est ? 
alio credo comissatum abiisse. abeamus nunciam 
atque porro quaeritemus illos. sequere hac me. 

Sequor. 9 
Puere, iamne abis ? 

Libertas paenulast tergo tuo : 

^ Who often received a tithe of great gains, 
39? 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Tliat's what I say. 

{thinking, then suddenlt/) Look here ! He bought 
this house next door ? 
That's what I don't say. 

Yes, and gave the owner two hundred pounds in 
part payment ? 

That's another thing I don't say. 
{frantic) Oh, you wrecker I 

Oh, no. He's the wrecker, and his father's the 
wreck. 

{gnmlij) The words of a seer ! 

I wish they were mere words, sir. You're a friend 
of his father, it would seem. 

Upon my soul ! A fine fix his poor father is in, 
from what you say ! 

Oh, this is nothing — the hundred and fifty pounds 
— compared with his other wild extravagances. 
His father's wreckei", indeed ! 

A slave there named Tranio is the worst curse. 
Why, he could squander the hoards of Hercules,^ 
even. By gad, 1 do pity his poor father awfully ! 
When he learns about those goings on, his poor old 
heart will burn like a lump of coal. 
{trying hard to he hopeful) That is, if all this is 
true. 

What good should I get out of lying ? 
{banging at the door again) Hey, you ! Anyone 
going to open up ? 

What's the use of pounding there, when no one's 
inside ? They've probably gone to guzzle some- 
where else. Let's be off at once and keep on 
looking for 'em. (going) Come along, this way I 
Coming I (follows) 

{disappointed) Hey, boy ! Going already ? 
Your freedom's a cloak for your shoulders. As 

393 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

mihij nisi ut erum metuam et curem, nihil est qui 
tergiim tegam. 



Perii hercle, quid opust verbis ? ut verba audio, 
non equidem in Aegyptum hinc modo vectus fui, 
sed etiam in terras solas orasque ultumas 
sum circumvectus, ita ubi nunc sim nescio. 
verum iam scibo, nam eccum unde aedis filius 
meus emit, quid agis tu ? 

A foro incedo domum 
Numquid processit ad forum hodie novi ? 
Etiam. 

Quid tandem ? 

V^idi efFerri mortuom. 

Hem.i 1( 

Modo eum vixisse aiebant. 

Vae capiti tuo. 
Quid tu otiosus res novas requiritas ? 
Quia hodie adveni peregre. 

Promisi foras, 
ad cenam ne me te vocare censeas. 
Haud postulo edepol. 

Verum eras, nisi quis prius 
vocaverit me, vel apud te cenavero. 
Ne istuc quidem edepol postulo. nisi quid magis 

^ Leo brackets following v., 1001 : 
Kovom unum: vidi inortuom efferri foras. 

394 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

for me, if I don't stand in awe of master and look 
after him, I've nothing to keep my shoulders from 
getting soaked. [exeunt. 



By heaven, I'm ruined, that's all I can say ! From 
what he said, it certainly was on no mere trip to 
Egypt that I've been taken, but all round to such 
lonely lands and far-off shores, that I don't know 
where I am at this minute, {looking down the 
street) But I shall know soon, for there's the man 
my son bought the house of. 

ENTER Simo, LOW IN SPIRITS. 

How goes it with you .'' 

{brusquely, gloivering at his house) From the forum 

— home. 

Anything new come up at the forum to-day .'' 

Yes. 

Indeed, wliat? 

A funeral procession. 

Ha!i 

They said the corpse was alive not long ago. 

Oh, be damned to you ! 

Well, why are you loafing around nosying for 

news } 

Because I've just got back from abroad. 

I have an engagement, so don't expect me to 

invite you to dinner. 

Good Lord, man, I'm not thinking of it ! 

But to-morrow, unless a prior invitation comes — 

to me, why, we'll dine together, at your house. 

And I'm not even thinking of that, either, by 

^ V. 1001 : A new one — a funeral procession leaving the 
house. 

395 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

es occupatus, operam mihi da. 
Si. Maxime. 

Th. Minas quadraginta accepisti^ quod sciam, 

a Philolachete ? 
Si. Nuniquam nummum, quod sciam. 

Th. Quid, a Tranione servo? 

Si. Multo hercle id minus. 

Th. Quas arraboni tibi dedit? 

Si. Quid somnias ? 

Th, Egone ? at quidem tu, qui istoc te speras modo 

potesse dissimulando infectum hoc reddere. 
Si. Quid autem ? 

Tk. Quod me apsente hie tecum filius 

negoti gessit. 
Si. Mecum ut ille hie gesserit, 

dum tu hine abes, negoti? quidnam aut quo die? 
Th. Minas tibi octoginta argenti debeo. 

Si. Non mihi quidem hercle. verum, si debes, cedo. 

fides servanda est, ne ire infitias postules. 
Th. Profecto non negabo debere, et dabo ; 

tu cave quadraginta accepisse hinc te neges. 
Si. Quaeso edepol hue me aspecta, et responde mihi. 

quadraginta istas cur mihi argenti minas 

filius, ut ais, debebat ? 
Th. Ego dicam tibi. 

talentis duobus, Tranio ut dixit mihi, 

de te aedis emit. 
Si. De me ille aedis emerit ? ^ 

te velle uxorem aiebat tuo nato dare, 

ideo aedificare hie velle aiebat in tuis. 
Th. Hie aedificare volui ? 

Si. Sic dixit mihi. 

Th. Ei mihi, disperii. vocis non habeo satis. 

vicine, perii, interii. 

1 Leo notes lacuna here. 
396 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

gad ! But unless you are othei'wise engaged, give 

me your attention. 

By all means. 

You received two hundred pounds from Philolaclies, 

as I understand. 

Never a penny, as I understand. 

Well, from my slave, Tranio ? 

Lord ! Much less from him. 

The money that he gave you in part payment } 

What are you dreaming about ? 

I ? You, you mean. You're hoping you can get 

out of it by that sort of shuffling. 

Indeed ! Get out of what ? 

The deal my son made with you in my absence. 

So he made a deal with me here while you were 

away ? What deal, pray ? On what date ? 

1 owe you four hundred pounds. 

The devil you do ! Well, if you do 'owe it, hand 

it over. A promise must be kept. Don't expect 

to evade it. 

I certainly shall not deny the debt, and I shall 

pay it. But you — mind you don't deny having 

received two hundred pounds from us. 

For heaven's sake, look me in the eye and answer 

me this — why did your son, as you say, owe me 

this two hundred pounds } 

This is why. He bought your house from you, so 

Tranio told me, for six hundred pounds. 

Bought my house from me? He did say you 

wanted your son to marry, and therefore wanted 

to enlarge your own house here. 

I wanted to enlarge my house ? 

So he told me. 

(^rvild) Death and damnation ! {gulping) I can't find 

my voice ! Oh, neighbour, I'm ruined, ruined ! 

397 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Si. Numquid Tranio 

turbavit? 
Th. Immo exturbavit omnia. 

deludificatust me hodie indignis modis. 
Si. Quid tu ais ? 

Th. Haec res sic est ut narro tibi : 

deludificatust me hodie in perpetuom modum. 

nunc te obsecro, ut me bene iuves operamque des. 
Si. Quid vis ? 

Th. I mecum hinc^ obsecro, ad te una simul. 

Si. Fiat. 

Th. Servorumque operam et lora mihi cedo. 

Si. Sume. 

Th. Eademque opera haec tibi narravero, 

quis med exemphs hodie kidificatus est. 

ACTVS V 

.T?: Qui homo timid us evit in rebus dubiis, nauci non 

erit ; 
atque equidem quid id esse dicam verbum nauci, 

nescio. 
nam erus me postquam rus misit, filium ut suom 

arcesserem, 
abii iliac per angiportum ad hortum nostrum 

clanculum, 
ostium quod in angiportu est liorti, patefeci fores, 
eaque eduxi omnem legionem, et maris et feminas. 
postquam ex opsidione in tutum eduxi maniplares 

meos, 
capio consilium, ut senatum congerronum convocem. 
quoniam convocavi, atque illi me ex senatu 

segregant. 
ubi ego me video venire in meo foro, quantum 

potest 

398 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

I las Tranio done anything ? 

No ! He has done me out of everything ! OJi, 

the outrageous way he took me in to-day ! 

What's that you say ? 

It's just as I tell you — he everlastingly took me in 

to-day ! {after a vwment's thought) Now do please 

be a good fellow and let me have your help and 

services. 

What do you want ? 

Come over to your house with me, I beg you. 

All right. 

Give me the use of your slaves and some straps. 

Help yourself. 

I'll let you know about it all on our way — the 

absolute and utter fool he made of me this 

day! 

[exeunt into Simo's house. 



ACT V 

ENTER Tranio, disgusted, 

A man that's timid in a crisis isn't worth a stiver 
— but bless me if I can explain what a stiver is ! 
Now after master sent me to the farm to summon 
his son, I slipped off that way [pointing) through 
the alley to our garden, and the garden gate in 
the alley — I opened it, and led out all our forces, 
male and female, that way. After I had got my 
troops safely out from under siege, I considered it 
wise to call a council of my comi-ades. But as 
soon as I called it, they crowded me out of the 
council. 

Seeing they're selling me out in my own 
market, I'm losing no time in doing what most 

399 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS ' 

facio idem quod plurimi alii, quibus res timida aut 

turbidast : 
pergunt turbare usque, ut ne quid possit con- 

quiescere. 
nam scio equidem nullo pacto iam esse posse haec 

clam senem. 
non amicus alius quisquamst 
aut 
pro 

ille qui ero simul. 1( 

praeoccupabo atque anteveniam et foedus feriam. 

me moror. 
sed quid hoc est, quod foris concrepuit proxima 

vicinia ? 
erus meus hie quidem est. gustare ego eius ser- 

monem volo. 
Ilico intra limen isti astate, ut, cum extemplo 

vocem, 
continuo exiliatis. manicas celeriter conectite. 
ego ilium ante aedis praestolabor ludificatorem 

meum, 
cuius ego hodie ludificabor corium, si vivo, probe. 
Res palam est. nunc te videre meliust quid agas, 

Tranio. 
Docte atque astu mihi captandumst cum illo, ubi 

hue advenerit. 
non ego illi extemplo hamum ostendam, sensim 

mittam lineam. IC 

dissimulabo me horum quicquam scire. 

O mortalem malum, 
alter hoc Athenis nemo doctior dici potest, 
verba illi non magis dare hodie quisquam quam 

lapidi potest, 
adgrediar hominem, appellabo. 

Nunc ego ille hue veniat velim, 

400 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

other folks do wlicn affairs look alarming and 
muddled — they go on muddling 'em still more, 
so that they can't be settled at all. For I'm well 
enough aware that this can't possibly be kept 
from the old man now. There's not another 
friend ^ . . . or . . . for the sake of . . . the 
man who ... at the same time to master. I'll 
preoccupy the ground, forestall 'em, and strike a 
treaty. But I'm delaying myself {moves on, then 
stops, listening) Eh } What's this creaking of our 
neighbour's door .'' 

ENTER Theopropides into Simos doorway. 

Oho I It's my master .'' I'd like to sample his 

conversation, {steps hack into the alleij) 

{to slaves within) Stand there where you are, just 

inside, ready to spring out the second I call. Then, 

quick ! Clap on the handcuffs I (coming out) I'll 

wait for that funnyfooler of mine in front of the 

house, and sure as I'm alive, I'll soon make his 

hide look funny ! 

{aside) The cat's out ! Now, Tranio, you had better 

see what to do. 

I must play him cleverly and artfully when he 

arrives. I won't show him the hook all at once, 

but let out line gradually. I'll pretend not to 

know a thing about the matter. 

{aside) Oh, such a slyboots ! You cannot name a 

cleverer chap than he is in all Athens. Why, 

that chap is no more to be bamboozled by anyone 

than a — lump of rock. I'll up and have at him ' 

{adva?ices) 

(iiot seeing him) Now I should like him to come 

along ! 

^ Verses 1056-1060 are hopelessly fragmentary. 

401 
VOL. III. , D D 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Siquidem pol me quaeris, adsum praesens praesenti 

tibi. 
Euge, Tranio, quid agitur? 

Veniunt I'lire rustici. 
Philolaches iam hie aderit. 

P^.depol mi opportune advenerit. 
nostrum ego Imnc vicinum opinor esse hominem 

audaceni et malum. 
Quidum ? 

Quia negat novisse vos. 

Negat? 

Nee vos sibi 
nummum umquam argenti dedisse. 

Abi^ ludis me, credo baud negat. 1( 
Quid iam? 

Scio, iocaris nunc tu. nam ille quidem edepol 
baud negat. 
Immo edepol negat profecto, neque se basce aedis 

Pbilolacbi 
vendidisse. 

EbOj an negavit sibi datum argentum, obsecro ? 
Quin ius iurandum pollicitust dare se, si vellem, 

mihi, 
neque se hasce aedis vendidisse neque sibi argen- 

tum datum .^ 
Dixi ego istuc idem illi. 

Quid ait? 

Servos pollicitust dare 
suos mibi omnes quaestioni. 

Nugas. numquam edepol dabit. 
Dat profecto. 

Quin i cum illo in ius. sine inveniam. 

^ Leo lirackets following est and noles lacuna of v. 
1086. 

402 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

{(doud) Wellj well, sir, if it's me you're looking 

for, here I am, face to face witli you. 

Bravo, Tranio. How goes it ? 

The farmers come from the farm, sir. Philolaches 

will an*ive shortly. 

And an opportune arrival for me, by Jove ! This 

neighbour of ours, in my opinion, is a bold, bad 

man. 

How so, sir .'' 

Because he denies knowing you people. 

Denies it ? 

And denies your ever having given him a single 

penny. 

Oh, get out, sir ! You're fooling me ! I don't 

believe he denies it. 

What now ? 

I know — now you're joking. Good Lord ! Of 

course he doesn't deny it ! 

You're wrong. I swear he does deny it, positively, 

as well as having sold this house to Philolaches. 

Now, now, sir ! You don't mean to say he denied 

being given the money ? 

Man alive, he agreed to take oath, if I wished, 

that he had neither sold this house nor been given 

the money. ^ . . . That is the very thing I said to 

him. 

What did he say ? 

He agreed to give me all his slaves for cross 

examination.^ 

Bosh ! Never a one will he give, by gad ! 

Oh, yes he will. 

Come on, sir, go to court with him. Let me find 

him. {makes off) 

^ A line is lost here. 
^ Under torture. 

403 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Mane, 
experiar, ut opinor. certum est. 

Inimo mihi liominem cedo. 109' 
vel hominem iube aedis ^ mancipio poscere. 

Immo hoc primum volo^ 
quaestioni accipere servos. 

Faciundum edepol censeo. 
Quid si igitur ego accersam homines ? 

Factum iam esse oportuit. 
ego interim lianc aram occupabo. 

Quid ita? 

Nullam rem sapis. 
ne enim illi hue confugere possint, quaestioni 

quos dabit. 
hie ego tibi praesidebo, ne interbitat quaestio. 
Surge. 

Minime. 

Ne occupassis, obsecro, aram. 

Cur? 
Scies 
quia enim id maxime volo^ ut illi istoc confugiant. 

sine : 
tanto apud iudicem hunc argenti condemnabo 

facilius. 
Quod agas id agas. quid tu porro serere vis 

negotium ? 110 

nescis quam metuculosa res sit ire ad iudicem ? 
Surgedum hue igitur. consulere quiddam est 
quod tecum volo. 

1 Corrupt (Leo) : mancipare Ussing. 
404 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Wait ! {Tranio stops) I'll try his slaves, I think. 

{pauses, as if debating the queslio?i) Yesy that's what 

I'll do. 

{edging over toward the altar in Jrofit of Simo's house) 

No, no, sir! You bring the fellow to me. Or 

else order your son to make formal demand for 

the house from him. 

No, no ! First I want to take his slaves for cross 

examination. 

{close to the altar) The very thing, by gad, I do 

believe ! 

{very guilelessly) Well then, what if I should call 

them out ? 

{with a knowing grin) You should have done that 

earlier ! Meanwhile, I'll just occupy this altar. 

{seats himself upon it jauntily) 

{trying to hide his disconifiture) Why so ? 

You have no sense, sir. Why, so that the slaves 

he gives you to cross-examine can't take refuge 

at it. I'll keep guard for you here and prevent 

the examination from falling through. 

{as gently as possible) Get up ! 

Oh no, sir ! 

Don't occupy the altar, for heaven's sake ! 

Why not ? 

I'll tell you. {hesitates) Why, . . . because . . . 

that's {inspired) just what I most want — for them 

to take refuge there ! Let them ! Then it will 

be all the easier for me to get the judge to award 

me damages. 

You follow your first plan, sir. Why go on sowing 

trouble for yourself? Don't you know how ticklish 

a thing it is to go before a judge, sir? 

Get up and come here, then. There's something 

I want your advice on. 

405 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Sic tamen hinc consilium dedero. nimio plus 

sapio sedens. 
turn consilia firmiora sunt de divinis locis. 
Surge, ne nugare. aspicedum contra me. 

Asjiexi. 
Vides? 
V^ideo. hue si quis intercedat tertius, pereat fame. 
Quidum ? 

Quia nil illi quaesti sit. mali hercle ambo sumus. 
Perii. 

Quid tibi est? 

Dedisti verba. 

Qui tandem ? 

Probe 
nied emunxti. 

V^ide siSj satine recte : num mucci fluont ? 
Immo etiam cerebrum quoque omne e capite 

emunxti meo. 1110 

nam omnia male facta vestra repperi radicitus, 
non radicitus quidem hercle^ verum etiam exradi- 

citus. 
Numquam edepol hodie hinc, si vivo, invitus 

desistam tibi. 
lam iubebo ignem et sarmenta, carnifex, cir- 

cumdari. 
Ne faxis, nam elixus esse quam assus soleo suavior. 
Exempla edepol faciam ego in te. 

Quia placeo, exemplum expetis ? 
Loquere : quoius modi reliqui, quom hinc abibam, 
filium? 

406 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

[makhig himself more comfortahU) Well, I can give 

my advice from here, just as I am. I'm a whole 

lot wiser sitting down. Besides, advice is more 

reliable coming from a holy place. 

Get up ! No nonsense ! Come, look me in the 

face, {does his best to put on a kindly expression) 

(chuckling) I have, already, (looks at him) 

(genially) You see ? 

I do. (chuckling again) If a third man came between 

us, he'd die of starvation. 

How is that .'' 

(breaking into a guffaw) Because there'd be no 

pickings for him. We're both so devilish sly ! 

Oh, damnation ! 

What ails you ? 

You bamboozled me ! 

Really ? How ? 

You cleaned me out in fine fashion ! 

(surveying Theopropides' s nose) Do please see if I 

did a good job, sir. No mucus running, is there ? 

Oh, no ! You cleaned out all the brains from my 

cranium ! I tell you, I've uncovered all your 

rascality from the roots up ; yes, by Jove, and not 

only from the roots up, but from the roots down. 

Well, I'll never accommodate you by leaving this 

place unless I like, you can count on that. 

I'll soon have you in a circle of firewood and 

flames, you gallowsbird ! 

I wouldn't. Folks find me tastier boiled than 

baked. 

By the Lord, I'll make an example of you ! 

A{)proving of me, you want to set me up for an 

example, eh } 

Tell me this : what sort of a son did I leave here, 

when I went away .'' 

407- 



THUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Cum pedibus^ manibus^ cum digitis^ auribus^ oculis, 

labris. 
Aliud te rogo. 

Aliud ergo nunc tibi respondeo. 
sad cecum tui gnati sodalem video hue incedere 1120 
Callidamatem : illo praesente mecum agito, si quid 

voles. 



Vbi somno sepelivi omnem atque edormivi crapu- 

1am, 
Philolaches venisse dixit mihi suom peregre hue 

patrem 
quoque mode hominem advenientem servos ludi- 

ficatus sit, 
ait se metuere in cons])ectum sui patris procedere. 
nunc ego de sodalitate solus suui orator datus, 
qui a patre eius conciliarem pacem. atque eccum 

optime. 
iubeo te salvere et salvos cum advenis, Theopro- 

pides, 
peregre, gaudeo. hie apud nos hodie cenes, sic 

face. 
Callidamates, dei te anient, de cena facio gratiam. 1 13( 
Quin venis? 

Promitte : ego ibo pro te, si tibi non libet. 
Verbero, etiam inrides ? 

Quian me pro te ire ad cenam autumo? 
Non enim ibis, ego ferare faxo, ut meruisti, in 

crucem. 
Age mitte ista ac te ad me ad cenam die venturum. 

Quid taces ? 
Sed tu, istuc quid confugisti in aram ? 



408 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

- Ohj one with feet^ hands, with fingers, ears, eyes, 
lips. 

{stamping and chafing) That's not what I asked you ! 
Well, that's not what I'm answering you. {looking 
down the street) Aha, though ! 1 see your son's 
chum, Callidamates, sauntering up here. Treat 
with me in his presence, if you want anything. 

le 2. ENTER Callidamates. 

{to himself, drowsily) After I'd buried my souse in 

slumber and slept it all off, Philolaches told me 

about his father being back from abroad and how 

his slave made a fool of him when he arrived. Said 

he was afraid to up and face his father. So now 

I've been selected as sole spokesman from our 

fraternity to make his peace for him with the old 

gentleman, {sees Theopropides) And there he is ! 

Splendid I {rushes up and grasps his hand) Well, 

Avell, sir ! And it's glad I am to see you well, on 

your return from abroad, Theopropides ! You must 

have dinner with me to-day I Do ! 

{stiffly) Heaven bless you, Callidamates. As for 

the dinner, no, thanks. 

W^hy won't you come, sir? 

{cheerily) Accept. I'll go in your place, if you 

don't cai'e about it. 

Still jeering, are you, you whipstock ? 

Just because I offer to go to dinner in your place ? 

Well, you won't go ! I'll have you cai-ried, as 

you've deserved — to a cross. 

Oh, now, now, sir ! drop all that and say you'll 

come to me for dinner ! 

{to Theopropides) Why don't you speak up } 

{to Tranio) But you — why have you taken to the 

altar there ? 

409 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Inscitissimus 
adveniens perterruit me. loquere nunc quid 

fecerim : 
nunc utrisque disceptator eccum adest^ age disputa. 
Filium corrupisse aio te meuxn. 

Ausculta modo. 
fateor potavisse, amicam liberasse absente te, 
faenore argentum sumpsisse ; id esse absumptum 

praedico. 
numquid aliud fecit nisi quod ^ suinmis gnati 

generibus ? 
Hercle mihi tecum cavendum est, nimis qui es 

orator catus. 
Sine me dum istuc iudicare. surge, ego isti 

adsedero. 
Maxime, accipito hanc tute ad te litem. 

Enim istic captio est. 
fac ego ne metuam mihi atque ^ ut tu meam timeas 

vicem. 
lam minoris omnia alia facio, prae quam quibus 

mod is 
me ludificatust. 

Bene hercle factum, et factum gaudeo : 
sapere istac aetate oportet, qui sunt capite candido. 
Quid ego nunc faciam ? 

Si amicus Diphilo aut Philemoni es, 
dicito eis, quo pacto tuos te servos ludificaverit : 
optumas frustrationes dederis in comoediis. 
Tace parumper, sine vicissim me loqui, ausculta. 

^ Leo brackets following faciunt. 

2 mihi atque Ritschl : Leo notes lacuna here. 



Writers of Greek comedy. 



410 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

A man without any brains came along, and scared 

me half to death, (/o Theopropidcs) Now state 

what I've done. Here's an arbitrator {hidicaling 

Callidamatcs) for both parties now. Come on, 

present your case. 

{struggling irith his emotions) I say you corrupted 

my son. 

[easily) Just you listen to me. I admit he caroused/ 

set his mistress free, while you were gone, got 

money at interest — and got rid of it, I don't 

mind adding. Has he done anything different 

than [with a wave toward Callidaviales) sons of the 

best families do ? 

Well, well ! I must look out for you, with that 

wily, wily tongue of yours ! 

[to Tranio) Come now, let me judge the case. 

Get up! I am the man to sit there. 

By all means ! Take the case in your own hands. 

[as Callidamatcs perches himself on the altar, crowdifig 

him off) I say ! This is a case of being taken in ! 

[aside to Callidamatcs) See that I have nothing to 

be afraid of, and do my fearing for me, yourself I 

The most galling thing about it all is the way he 

made a fool of me ! 

A good job, by gad, and I'm glad I did it. Men 

of your age ought to have some sense in their 

hoary heads. 

[to Callidamates, and glaring at Tranio) What shall 

I do now ? 

Well, if you're a friend of Diphilus ^ or Philemonji 

tell 'em how your servant gulled you. You'll 

have furnished 'em with the best dupe scenes 

on the comic stage. 

[to Tranio) Keep still a minute, and let me have 

a turn at talking. Now listen. 

411 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Licet 
Omnium primum sodalein me esse scis gnato tuo. 
is adiit me, nam eum prodire pudet in conspectum 

tuom 
propterea quia fecit quae te scire scit. nunc te 

obsecro, 
stultitiae adulescentiaeque eius ignoscas : tuost ; 
scis solere illanc aetatem tali ludo ludere. 
quidquid fecit, una nobiscum fecit : nos deliquimus. 
faenus, sortem sumptumque omnem, qui arnica 

empta est, omnia 
nos dabimus, nos conferemus, nostro sumptu, non 

tuo. 
Non potuit venire orator magis ad me impetrabilis 
quam tu ; neque iam illi sum iratus neque quic- 

quam suscenseo. 
immo me praesente amato bibito, facito quod 

lubet : 
si hoc pudet, fecisse sumptum, supplici habeo satis. 
Dispudet. 

Post istam veniam quid me fiet nunciam ? 
Verberibus caedere multum pendens. 

Tamen etsi pudet ? 
Interimam hercle ego te, si vivo. 

Fac istam cunctam gratiam : 
Tranioni amitte quaeso banc noxiam causa mea. 
Aliud quidvis impetrari perferam a me facilius, 
quam ut non ego istum pro suis factis pessumis 

pessum premam. 
412 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

{vainhi allempting to wilker Tranio) Very well. 
{to Theopropides) Sii% you know that I am your 
son's best friend. He appealed to me, for he 
was ashamed to apjiear in your presence, with 
the things on his conscience he knows you know 
of. Now I beseech you, sir, do forgive him 
for his folly and his youth. He's your own son. 
And you know that young fellows are always 
playing such pranks. Whatever he did, he did 
along with the rest of us. We're all at fault. 
As for the interest, principal, and all the expense 
of buying the girl, we'll club together and settle 
for it all at our own expense, not yours. 
{especially pleased hi/ the peroration) A more per- 
suasive spokesman than you couldn't have come 
to me. I'm not angry with him now, I don't 
hold anything against him. No indeed, let him 
love, drink, do what he likes, before my very 
eyes. If he's ashamed of this — ashamed of having 
spent all that money — I'll call that sufficient 
chastisement. 
He's awfully ashamed, sir. 

[yawning obstreperously) Well, he's forgiven — what 
about me now } 

You shall be flogged, strung up and flogged to 
tatters ! 

{nnth mock plaintiveness) And no matter if I am 
ashamed ? 

By the Lord, I'll be the death of you, sure as 
I'm alive ! 

Make it a general pardon, sir. Come, come, 
forgive Tranio this offence, for my sake ! 
There's not another thing I wouldn't sooner grant 
you than forgo sending that devil down to what 
his deviltry deserves ! 

413 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Mitte quaeso. 

Istumiie ut mittam? viden ut astat furcifer? 
Tranio^ quiesce, si sapis. 

Tu quiesce banc rem modo 
petere : ego ilium, ut sit quietus, verberibus 

subegei-o. 
Nihil opust profecto. 

Age iam, sine te hoc exorarier. 
Nolo ores. 

Quaeso hercle. 

Nolo, inquam, ores. 

Nequiquam nevis. 
hanc modo noxiam unam, quaeso, missam fac causa 

mea. 
Quid gravaris? quasi noii eras iam commeream 

aliam noxiam : 
ibi utrumque, et hoc et illud, poteris ulcisci probe. 
Sine te exorem. 

Age abi, abi impune. em huic habeto gratiam. 1 
speetatores, fabula haec est acta, vos plausum date. 



414 



THE HAUNTED HOUSE 

Come, come, let him off! 

Let that rascal off? {as Tranio strikes an msolent 
attitude) D'ye see that pose ? The criminal ! 
Tranio ! Quiet down, if you have any sense ! 
And you keep quiet yourself, about this request 
now. As for him, I'll reduce him to quiescence 
with a whip. 

{casually) Uncalled for, I assure you. 
Oh, come now, do grant this favour I ask. 
I don't want you to ask it. 
There, there now ! I beg you ! 
I don't want you to ask it, I say. 
It's no use your not wanting it. Just this one 
offence — let it pass, I beg you, for my sake. 
Why so reluctant? As if I shouldn't be com- 
mitting another offence by to-morrow ! Then 
you can settle the score handsomely for both of 
'em, this one and the next. 

{as Theopropides almost smiles) Do let me prevail 
upon you, sir ! 

{to Tranio) All right, get out, get out ! I'll let you 
off. But there's the man {indicating Callidamates) 
to thank for it. {coming forward) Spectators, our 
play is over. Give us your applause. 

[exeunt omnes. 



415 



PERSA 

OR 

THE PERSIAN 



VOL. III. E E 



ARGVMENTVM 

Profecto domino suos amores Toxilus 
Emit atque curat, leno ut emittat manu ; 
Raptamque ut emeret de praedone virginem 
Subornata suadet sui parasiti filia, 
Atque ita intricatum ludit potans Dordalum. 

tur — ruu 

umn — mm 

mat — rce 

m — eru o 

fincunt 

ant[u]erec dum 

ru 

ta — rsi 

de [ui]rgi 

cam uen 

etio[t]jivu 

ua[n]faci 

are • pita 

tue • eno 

This badly defective argument is omitted from P, and 
cannot be plausibly emended. 

PERSONAE 

TOXILVS SERVVS 
SAGARISTIO SERVVS 
SATVRIO PARASITVS 
SOPHOCLIDISCA ANCILLA 
LEMNISELENIS MERETRIX 
PAEGNIVM PVER 
VIRGO 
DORDALVS LENO 

418 



ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY 

In his master's absence Toxilus buys his own 
sweetheart and has her manumitted by a pimp. 
This pimpj Dordalus^ is persuaded to buy from 
her captor a kidnapped maiden, the daughter of 
Toxilus's parasite being dressed up as the said 
maiden, and, thus trapped, is made the butt of 
Toxihis's drinkinff bout. 



DRAMATIS PERSONAE 

Toxilus, a slave. 

Sagaristio, his friend, a slave in aiiother family. 

Saturio, a parasite. 

SoPHOCLiDiscA, maid to Lemniselenis. 

Lemniselenis, a courtesan. 

PAEGNiUM,a hoy slave in the family of Toxilus' s master. 

Saturio's Daughter. 

DoRDALUs, a pimp. 

419 
E E 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 



ACTVS I 

Qui amans egens ingressus est princeps in 
A mods vias, 

superavit aerumnis suis aerumnas Herculi. 
nam cum leone, cum excetra, cum cervo cum apro 

Aetolico, 
cum avibus Stym})halicis^ cum Antaeo deluctari 

mavelim, 
quam cum Amore ; ita fio miser quaerendo argento 

mutuo, 
nee quicquam nisi "non est" sciunt mihi re- 

spondere quos rogo. 

Qui ero suo servire volt bene servos servitutem, 

ne ilium edepol multa in pectore suo conlocare 
oportet, 
quae ero placere censeat praesenti atque apsenti 

suo, 
ego neque lubenter servio neque satis sum ero ex 

sententia, 
sed quasi lippo oculo me erus meus manum apsti- 

nere hau quit tamen, 
quin mi imperet, quin me suis negotiis praefulciat. 
Quis illic est qui contra me astat ? 

Quis hie est qui sic contra me astat ? 
Similis est Sagaristionis. 

Toxilus hie quidem meus amicust. 
Is est profecto. 

420 



THE PERSIAN 



Scene : — Athens. A street, in which are the houses 
of Dordalus and Toxiluss master, an alley between 
them. 

ACT I 

ENTER ToxilllS, IN LOW SPIRITS, FROM THE FORUM. 

The lover that first set out on the highways of 
love with an empty purse went in for harder 
labours than Hercules, ^^'hy, I had rather wrestle 
with the lion, or the Hydra, or the stag, or the 
Aetolian boar, or the Stymphalian birds, or 
Antaeus, than with Love. Such a devil of a time 
as I'm having, just looking for a loan — and the 
people I ask, all they know how to answer is 
" Can't be done." 

ENTER Sagaristio, very jaunty. 
{not seeing Toxilus) A slave that wants to slave it 
to suit his master, by gad, he certainly has to 
stow away a lot of things in his chest that he 
thinks will please his master, present and absent, 
both. Personally, I don't take to slaving it cheer- 
fully, and master doesn't entirely take to me. 
But yet, just as if I was a sore eye, he can't keep 
hands off of me, can't keep from giving me com- 
missions and making me the prop of his affairs. 
{aside, seeing him) Who's that standing there 
facing me ? 

(aside, seeing him) Who's this standing there facing 
me this way ? 

(aside) It looks like Sagaristo. 

(aside) Why, it's my friend Toxilus. (Ihey study each 
other doggish ly) 
(aside) It is he, surely. 

421 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Eum esse opinor. 

Congrediar. 

Contra adgredibor. 
O Sagaristio, di ament te. 

O Toxile, dabunt di quae exoptes. 
ut vales ? 

Vt queo. 

Quid agitur? 

Vivitur. 
Satin ergo ex sententia? 

Si eveniunt quae exopto, satis. 
Nimis stulte amicis utere. 

Quid iam ? 

Imperare oportet. 
Mihi quidem tu iam eras mortuosj quia non te 

visitabam , 
Negotium edepol — 

Ferreum fortasse? 

Plusculum annum 
fui praeferratus apud molas tribunus vapularis. 
Vetus iam istaec militiast tua. 

Satin tu usque valuisti ? 

Hau probe. 
Ergo edepol palles. 

Saucius factus sum in Veneris proelio : 
sagitta Cupido cor meum transfixit. 

Iam servi hie amant ? 
Quid ego faciam? disne advorser? quasi Titani 
cum eis belligerem 

quibus sat esse non queam .'' 

422 



THE PERSIAN 

(aside) I do believe it is. 

(aside) I'll go meet him. 

(aside) I'll up and meet him. 

(adraticing) Ah, Sagaristio ! God bless you ! 

(advancing with a grin) Ah, Toxilus I God will 

grant your desires. How are you feeling ? 

(doleful^ However I can. 

What's doing ? 

I'm living. 

Quite to your taste, then ? 

(tnore doleful) Quite — if the things that I hope 

for happen. 

(clapping him on the back) You use your friends 

like a perfect fool. 

How's that? 

You ought to give us orders. 

Well, you've been as good as dead to me — always 

out of sight. 

Oh well, my business 

(with a faint smile) Ironware, perhaps? 

(gravely) For more than a year I have been 

Minister Extrairondinary and Plentyblowtentiary 

at the — mills. 

An old familiar post of yours. 

And you ? Have you been well all this time ? 

Not particularly. 

Oho ! That's why you're pale. 

(romantically) I have been wounded in the lists of 

Love ! My heart has been transfixed by Cupid's 

shaft! 

(derisively) So slaves here have their love affairs, 

now, eh ? 

What can I do ? Should I defy the gods ? Like 

the Titans, should I wage war with those I am 

no match for ? 

423 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Vide modoj ulmeae catapultae tuom ne transfigant 

latus. 
Basilice agito eleutheria. 
Quid iam ? 

Quia erus peregri est. 

Ain tu, 
peregri est? 

Si tu tibi bene esse 
pote pati, veni : vives mecum, 
basilieo accipiere victu. 
Vah, iam scapulae pruriunt, quia te istaec audivi 

loqui. 
Sed hoc me unum excruciat. 

Quidnam id est ? 
Haec dies summa hodie est, mea arnica sitne libera, 
an sempiternam servitutem serviat. 

Quid nunc vis ergo ? 
Facere amicum tibi me potis es sempiternum. 

Quern ad modum? 
Vt mihi des nummos sescentos, quos pro capite 

illius pendam, 
quos continuo tibi reponam in hoc triduo, aut 
quadriduo. 

age fi benignus, subveni. 
Qua confidentia rogare tu a med argentum tantum 

audes, 
impudens ? quin si egomet totus veneam, vix 

recipi potis est 
quod tu me rogas ; nam tu aquam a pumice nunc 

postulas, 
qui ipsus sitiat. 

Sicine hoc te mihi facere ? 

Quid faciam ? 

Rogas ? 
alicunde exora mutuom. 

424 



THE PERSIAN 

Only look out your (j^rinning) hide isn't transfixed 

by catapeltic shafts of elmwood. 

(chuckling) I'm celebrating the Feast of Freedom * 

in royal style. 

How's that? 

Because master's abroad. 

So ? Abroad, is he ? 

[iriik a timk) If you can endure enjoying yourself, 

come along ; you shall live with me and be regaled 

right royally. 

(m mock consternation) Wow ! It makes my 

shoulders tingle already to hear you talk like that ! 

(doleful again) But there is one thing does 

torment me. 

Ah } And what is it ? 

This is the day, the final day, that decides whether 

my sweetheart's to be free, or stay slaving it in 

slavery for life. 

Well then, what d'ye want now .'' 

(earnest Ijj) You can make me your friend for life. 

(iinenthusiastically) How ? 

By giving me sixty pounds to pay for her release, 

mei'ely a loan that I'll repay directly, in the next 

three or four days. (seizing his hand) Come on 

now, do be a good fellow and help me out ! 

(shaking him off) Where do you get the nerve to 

dare ask me for such a sum, you cheeky rascal ? 

Man alive, if my whole carcass was put on sale, it 

would hardly bring the amount you ask of me. 

Why, you might as well look for water from a 

pumice stone, that's thirsty itself. 

(irounded) Is this the way for you to treat me ? 

How should I treat you ? 

Can you ask? Why, beg someone for a loan. 

^ Held in honour of the victory at Plataea. 

425 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Tu fac idem quod rogas me. 
Quaesivi, nusquam repperi. 

Quaeram equidemj si quis credat. 
Nempe habeo in mundo. 

Si id domi esset mihi, iam pollicerer : 
hoc meumst ut faciam sedulo. 

Quidquid erit, recipe te ad me. 
quaere tamen^ ego item sedulo. 

Si quid erit, te faciam ut scias. 
Obsecro^ te resecroque, operam da banc mihi 
fidelem. 

Ah, odio me enicas. 
Amoris vitio, non meo, nunc tibi morologus fio. 
At pol ego aps te concessero. 

lamne abis ? bene ambulato. 5( 
sed recipe quam primum potes, cave fuas mi in 

quaestione. 
usque ero domij dum excoxero lenoni malam rem 
magnam. 



Veterem atque antiquom quaestum maiorum meum 
servo atque obtineo et magna cum cura colo. 
nam numquam quisquam meorum maiorum fuit, 
quin parasitando paverint ventres suos : 
pater, avos, proavos, abavos, atavos, tritavos 
quasi mures semper edere alienum cibum, 
neque edacitate eos quisquam poterat vincere ; 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : audin, Sagaristio Leo, 
426 



THE PERSIAN 

Do what you're asking me to do, yourself. 

I've tried, but no money anywhere. 

{ditbiously) Well, I'll try, of course, and see if 

anyone will trust me. 

{lielightedly) I've got the cash in sight, no doubt 

about it ! 

If I had it myself, I'd promise it to you instantly : 

you may count on me to do my best. 

However it turns out, come on over to our house. 

(seizing his hand again) Do try to get it, though, 

and I'll do my best, too ! 

{turning to go) If anything turns up, I'll let you 

know. 

{clinging to him) Help me, I beg you, and beg you 

again, do be my loyal friend in this ! 

(pulling away) Ugh ! You're boring me to death ! 

{plaintivelij) It's Love's fault, not mine, that you 

find me such a driveller. 

Well, by gad, I'm going to leave you. 

{calling after him) Are you off already ? A pleasant 

walk to you ! But come back as soon as you can 

and don't make me look for you. {to himself) I'll 

stay at home till I've concocted a good big dose 

of trouble for that pimp. 

[exit into house. 

!. ENTER Salurio. 

{comfortably) The ancient and venerable vocation 
of my ancestors I continue, follow, and cultivate 
with constant care. For never a one of my an- 
cestors was there who didn't provide for his belly 
as a professional parasite. My father, grandfather, 
great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather, great- 
great-great-grandfather, and his father, too, always 
ate other folks' food, just like mice, and not a soul 

427 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

atque eis cognomentum erat duris Capitonibus. 60 

unde ego hunc quaestum optineo et maiorum 

locum, 
neque quadrupulari me volo^ neque enim decet 
sine meo periclo ire aliena ereptum bona, 
neque illi qui faciunt mihi placent. planen 

loquor ? 
nam publicae rei causa quicumque id facit 
magis quam sui quaesti, animus induci potest, 
eum esse civem et fidelem et bonum. 
sed qui caveatur, legem conscribi volo^ 
si legirupam qui damnet, det in publicum 
dimidium ; atque etiam in ea lege adscribier : 
ubi quadrupulator quempiam iniexit manum, 70 

tantidem ille illi rursus iniciat manum, 
ut aequa parti prodeant ad tris viros : 
si id fiat, ne isti faxim nusquam appareant, 
qui hie albo rete aliena oppugnant bona. 

sed sumne ego stultus, qui rem euro publicam, 
ubi sint magistratus, quos curare oporteat ? 
nunc hue intro ibo, visam hesternas reliquias, 
quierintne recte necne, num afuerit febris, 
opertaen fuerint, ne quis obreptaverit. 
sed aperiuntur acdes^ remorandust gradus. 80 

Omnem rem inveni, ut sua sibi pecunia 
hodie illam faciat leno libertam suam. 

^ qui caveatur, legem conscribi volo Leo, who notes 
lacuna here. 

^ Legal documents. 
428 



THE PERSIAN 

could beat 'em at edacity. Yes, and their family 
surname was Hardheads. It's from them I inherit 
this profession and ancestral position of mine. 
{primly) As for being a professional informer^, that 
likes me not, and it really is unbecoming to go 
and snap up other people's property without risk 
to myself, and I disapprove of men that do so. 
Do I speak plainly ? Of course, when a man does 
it more for the public welfare than for his personal 
profit, one may be induced to believe him a good 
and loyal citizen. But {jnagisterially) I wish to 
see a law enacted providing that whosoever pro- 
cures the conviction of a malefactor give half the 
proceeds to the public treasury. And another 
provision of this law should be, that in case an 
informer summons anyone to court, that party 
may in turn summon him for the same amount, to 
the end that they may appear before the court on 
even terms. Were this rule in force, I warrant 
those fellows who attack other people's property 
here with their white nets ^ would disappear 
entirely. 

But ain't I an ass to bother about the public 
welfare, when we've got magistrates whose duty 
it is to do the bothering? {inoving on toward 
Toxilus's house) Now I'll step inside here for a 
look at yesterday's leavings, and see if they had 
a restful night or not, and didn't suffer from fever, 
and were snugly covered to prevent anyone's 
creeping up on 'em. But the door's opening ! I 
must slow down ! 

ene 3. enter Toxilus, jubilant. 

vx, I've found the very way to get the pimp to pay 
out his own cash to-day for making my girl his 

429 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

sed eccum parasitum, quoins mi auxilio est opus, 
siniulabo quasi non videam : ita alliciam virum. 
curate istic vos atque adproperate ocius, 
ne mihi morae sit quicquam, ubi ego intro 

advenero. 
coramisce mulsum, struthea coluteaque ^ appara, 
bene ut in scutris concaleat, et calamum inice. 
iam pol ille hie aderit, credo, congerro meus. 
Me dicit, euge. 

Lautum credo e balineis 
iam hie adfuturum. 

Vt ordine omnem rem tenet. 
CoUyrae facite ut madeant et colyphia, 
ne mihi incocta detis. 

Rem loquitur meram. 
nihili sunt crudae, nisi quas madidas gluttias ; 
tum nisi cremore crassost ius collyricum, 
nihilistj macrum illud epicrocum pellucidum : 
quasi sisuram - esse ius decet collyricum. 
nolo in vesicam quod eat, in ventrem volo. 
Prope me hie nescio quis loquitur. 

O mi luppiter 
terrestris, te coepulonus compellat tuos. 
O Saturio, opportune advenisti mihi. 
Mendacium edepol dicis, atque haud te decet: 
nam essurio venio, non advenio saturio. 

^ coluteaque Lindsay following Gronovius: coluthequam 
MSS. 
^ sisuram Ritschl : iuream MSS. 

430 



THE PERSIAN 

freed woman ! (sees Salurio) But there's the parasite 
whose help I need. I'll pretend not to see him. 
This is how to lure him on. {shouting at his door, as 
if to servants withhi) See to things there^ you lads, 
and show more speed ! I mustn't be made to wait 
an instant on my return. Mix the wine and 
honey. Get the sparrow-apples and pod-fruit 
ready ; warm it well in the platters and season it 
with a dash of sweet calamus, {(is if to himself^ 
YeSj yes, he'll soon be here, I suppose — that mate 
of mine. 

{aside, his mouth watering) He means me. Glorious ! 
He'll soon be arriving, I suppose, all spick and 
span from the baths. 
{aside) He does have it all down pat ! 
{sticking his head in the door again) See you boil the 
macaroni and those loin slices for the soup till 
they're soft ! No serving 'em to me underdone ! 
{aside, earnestly) Precisely to the point, that ! It's 
no good raw ; you want it well boiled when you 
gulp it down. Then, too, unless macaroni broth 
has a thick rich body to it, it's no good, that 
thin, transparent, peek-a-boo gown stuff". Why 
macaroni broth ought to be a regular great- 
coat ! I want food that goes to my belly, not my 
bladder. 

{looking around) Someone or other is speaking 
hereabouts. 

{stepping up) Ah, my own terrestrial Jupiter ! 
Thy comestibles-companion doth accost thee ! 
Ah Saturio ! You've arrived just in the nick of 
time ! 

By the Lord, sir, thou dost speak a lie, and it ill 
beseems thee. 'Tis no Sate-urio who arrives, but 
a Starvurio. 

431 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

At edeSj nam iam intus ventris fumant focula. 
calefieri iussi reliquias. 

Pernam quidem 
ius est adponi frigidam postridie. 
Ita fieri iussi. 

Ecquid hallecis ? 

Vah, rogas ? 
Sapis multum ad geniiim. 

Sed tu, ecquid meministi, here 
qua de re ego tecum mentionem feceram? 
Memini : ut murena et conger ne calefierent ; 110 

nam nimio melius oppectuntur frigida. 
sed quid cessamus proelium committere ? 
dum mane est, omnis esse mortalis decet. 
Nimis paene manest. 

Mane quod tu occeperis 
negotium agere, id totum procedit diem. 
Quaeso animum advorte hoc. iam heri narravi 

tibi 
tecumque oravi, ut nummos sescentos mihi 
dares utendos mutuos. 

Memini et scio, 
et te me orare et mihi non esse quod darem. 
nihili parasitus est, cui argentum domi est : 120 

lubido extemplo coeperest convivium, 
tuburcinari de suo, si quid domi est. 
cynicum esse egentem oportet parasitum probe : 
ampullam, strigilem, scaphium, soccos, paUium, 
marsuppium habeat, inibi paullum praesidi, 
qui famiharem suam vitam oblectet modo. 
Iam nolo argentum : filiam utendam tuam 
mihi da. 

Numquam edepol cuiquam etiam utendam dedi. 



432 



THE PERSIAN 

Well, you shall eat, for the braziers for your belly 
are smoking inside there. I have ordered the 
left-overs to be warmed up. 

(eagerly) The ham — it's in order that ham should 
be served up cold the day after. 
So I ordered. 
And some fish-sauce ? 
Pshaw ! Can you ask ? 

Ah, you're a man of taste, extraordinary taste ! 
But you — do you remember that matter I men- 
tioned to you yesterday.'' 

I remember : lamprey and conger-eel must not be 
warmed up ; for they make much better picking 
cold. But why do we delay to open battle ? All 
men should eat while yet 'tis morn. 
It's almost too much morn. 

The business you. begin in the morning {smack'mg 
his lips) progresses all day long. 
{severely) I must ask you to give me your atten- 
tion. I have explained things to you already, 
yesterday, and begged you to let me have sixty 
pounds, as a loan. 

I remember, I know — you begged me for it and 
I didn't have it for you. A parasite with money 
of his own is a ruined man : he instantly hankers 
to begin banquetting, to gobble things down at his 
own expense, if he has the wherewithal. It jolly 
well behooves a parasite to be a poverty-stricken 
cynic — let him have a flask, strigil, cup, sandals, 
cloak, and a purse garrisoned with next to nothing 
for the sole delectation of his very own household. 
I don't want money now. Just give me the use 
of your daughter. 

{i7idignantly) Never yet, by heaven, have I ever 
given anyone the use of her I 

433 

VOL. III. F F 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Non ad istuc quod tu insimulas. 

Quid earn vis? 

Scies. 
quia forma lepida et liberali est. 

Res itast. 
Hie leno neque te novit neque gnatam tuam. 
Me ut quisquam norit, nisi ille qui praebet cibum ? 
Ita est. hoc tu mihi reperire argentum potes. 
Cupio hercle. 

Turn tu me sine illam vendere. 
Tun illam vendas ? 

Immo alium adiegavero 
qui vendat, qui esse se peregrinum praedicet. 
sicut istic leno non sex menses Megaribus 
hue est cum commigi'avit. 

Pereunt reliquiae, 
posterius istuc tamen potest. 

Scin quam potest ? 
numquam hercle hodie hie prius edeSj ne frustra 

sis, 
quam te hoc facturum quod rogo adfirmas mihi ; 
atque nisi gnatam tecum hue iam quantum potest 
adduciSj exigam hercle ego te ex hac decuria. 
quid nunc ? quid est ? quin dicis quid facturus sis ? 
Quaeso hercle me quoque etiam vendCj si lubet, 
dum saturum vendas. 

Hoc, si facturu's, face. 
Faciam equidem quae vis. 

Bene facis. propera, abi domum ; 
praemonstra docte, praecipe astu filiae, 

434 



THE PERSIAN 

{hurriedly) Not for the purpose you ascribe to me ! 
Why d'ye want her ? 

I'll tell you. Because she's a lovely, ladylike girl. 
And so she is ! 

This pimp (^pointing to Dordalus's house) doesn't 
know either you or your daughter. 
How could anyone know me, unless he's a man 
who furnishes me with meals ? 
Just so. You can secure this money for me. 
I yearn to ; I do, really. 
Then let me sell her. 
(aghast) You ? Let you sell her ? 
{thoughtfuUij) No, not me — I'll engage someone 
else to sell her, and let him profess to be a 
foreigner. For you see, it's not six months since 
that pimp moved here from Megara. 
(pulling Toxilus toward the house) The left-overs are 
spoiling. But that matter of yours can come 
later. 

(angrily jerking away) It can, eh } Now you look 
here ! Not a bite, I swear it, shall you eat with 
me this day, and don't you fool yourself, before 
you agree to do what 1 ask you ! Yes, sir, and 
unless you bring your daughter here with you as 
fast as you know how, upon my soul, I'll run you 
out of this club of mine! Well now? What's 
the matter ? Why don't you say what you intend 
to do } 

(after a moment's rejlection) Oh well, for God's 
sake, sell me too, even, if you like, so be you 
sell me full ! 

Then do it, if you're going to do it. 
Yes, yes. I'll do what you want. 
Thanks. Hurry now ! Home with you ! Give 
your daughter scientific directions, drill her art- 

435 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

quid fabuletur : iibi se natam praedicet, 
qui sibi parentcs fuerint, unde surpta sit. 
sed longe ab Atlienis esse se gnatam autumet ; 
et ut adfleat, cum ea memoret. 

Etiam tu taces ? 
ter tanto peior ipsa est quam ill am tu esse vis. 
Lepide hercle dicis. sed scin quid facias ? cape 
tunicam atque zonam, et chlamydem adferto et 

causeam, 
quam ille habeat qui banc lenoni liuic vendat. 

Eu, pi'obe. 
Quasi sit peregrinus. 

Laudo. 

Et tu gnatam tuam 
ornatam adduce lepide in peregrinum modum. 
Yl66iv ornamenta ? 

Abs chorago sumito ; 
dare debet : praebenda aediles locaverunt. 
lam faxo hie aderunt. sed ego nihil horunc 

scio. 
Nihil liercle vero. nam ubi ego argentum 

accepero, 
continuo tu illam a lenone adserito manu. 
Sibi habeat, si non extemplo ab eo abduxero. 
Abi et istuc cura. interibi ego puerum volo 
mittere ad amicam meam, ut habeat animum 

bonum, 
me esse effecturum hoc hodie. nimis longum 

loquor. 

436 



THE PERSIAN 

fully on her story — where she's to claim to have 

been born, who her parents were, where she was 

stolen from. But she must make her birthplace 

a long way from Athens. And she's to weep 

when she tells her tale. 

(conjidenlly) Oh, shut up, won't you } She's as 

bad as you want her to be, three times over. 

{clelighled) By gad, that's capital ! But d'ye know 

what you're to do ? Get a tunic and belt, and 

bring along a cloak and a broad-brimmed hat for 

the fellow who's to sell her to this pimp. 

Good ! A fine idea ! 

As if he was from abroad. 

Exactly ! 

And bring your daughter all decked out gorgeously 

in foreign style. 

Prithee, whence the deckings .'' 

Oh, get 'em from the stage-manager. He's got 

to give 'em to you ; the aediles ^ have contracted 

to have them furnished. 

I'll soon have 'em here. But I know nothing 

about all this. 

Not a thing, by gad ! For the minute I get the 

money, up you come and claim her from the 

pimp as a freeborn girl. 

[easily, as he turns to go) Let him keep her, if I 

don't get her out of his grip in no time. 

Off with you, and mind your job. 

[exit Saturio. 
Meanwhile, I must send a boy to my sweetheart 
to cheer her up with confidence that I will bring 
it off to-day. I'm talking too long. 

[exit into house. 

^ Who presented the play. 

417 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ACTVS II 

Satis fuit indoctae, immemori, insipienti dicere 

totiens. 
nimis tandem me qiiidem pro bai-da et pro rustica 

reor habitam esse aps te. 
quamquam ego vinum bibo, at mandata non 

consuevi simul bibere una. 17 

me quidem iam satis tibi spectatam censebam esse 

et meos mores, 
nam equidem te iam sector quintum hunc annum, 

quom interea, credo, 
ovis si in ludum iret, potuisset iam fieri ut probe 

litteras sciret, 
quom interim tu meum ingenium fans atque infans 
nondum etiam edidicisti. 

potin ut taceas ? potin ne moneas ? 
memini et scio et calleo et commemini. 
amas pol misera : id tuos scatit animus, 
ego istuc placidum tibi ut sit faciam. 
Miser est qui amat. 

Certo is quidem nihilist, 
qui nil amat : quid ei liomini opus vita est? li 
ire decet me, ut erae opsequens fiam, libera ea 

opera ocius ut sit. 
conveniam hunc Toxilum : cius auris, quae mandata 
sunt, onerabo, 

438 



THE PERSIAN 



ACT II 



ENTER Sophoclidisca from house of Dordalns ; turns 
TO Ijimniselenis who stands in doorway. 

Why, any foolish, forgetful, fat-witted thing could 
understand, ma'am, after all the times you've said 
it. Really, I think you must take me for some 
awful ninny, for some country girl. I do drink 
wine, to be sure, but I never had the habit of 
• drinking down my orders along with it. I sup- 
posed you had tested me and my talents thoroughly 
enough by now. Whj'^, goodness me, this is the 
fifth year I've been attending you, and in that time 
I do believe even a sheep, if it went to school, could 
have been taught to rattle off its A B C's. But as 
for you, you haven't even yet learned my capacities 
in all this time, speaking or silent. Can't you 
keep still, ma'am ? Can't you stop admonishing 
me ? I remember, I understand, I have a per- 
fectly good mind and memory. Mercy me ! 
You're in love and feeling miserable. You're all 
boiling over inside. Well, I'm the one to calm 
things down for you. 
{dejectedly) Oh, the misery of one in love ! 

[exit Lemniselenis into house of Dordalns. 
{to herself) And, oh, the nothingness of one in 
love with nothing ! Yes indeed ! What is there 
in life for such a person? Well, I must go and 
do what mistress says so as to help her to get her 
freedom the sooner. I'll find this Toxilus; I'll 
stuff his ears with my message, {turns toward 
Toxilus' s house, then stops and examines curiously a 
letter she carries) 

4S9 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 



Satin haec tibi sunt plana et certa? satin haec 

meministi et tenes ? 
Melius quam tu qui docuisti. 

Ain vero, verbereum caput ? 
Aio enim vero. 

Quid ergo dixi? 

Ego recta apud illam dixero. 
Non edepol scis. 

Da hercle pignus, ni omnia memini et scio, . 
et quidem si scis tute, quot hodie habeas digitos 

in manu. 
Egon dem pignus tecum ? 

Audacter, si lubido est perdere. 
Bona pax sit potius. 

Turn tu igitur sine me ire. 

Et iubeo et sino ; 
sed ita volo te ire^ ut domi sis, cum ego te esse illi 

censeam. 
Faciam. 

Quo ergo is nunc ? 

Domum : uti domi sim, quom illi censeas. 
Scelus tu pueri es, atque ob istanc rem ego aliqui 
te peculiabo. 
Paeg. Scio fide hercle erili ut soleat impudicitia 
I opprobrari 

nee subigi queantur umquam, ut pro ea fide 
liabeant iudicem. 
Tox. Abi modo. 
Paes, Ego laudabis faxo. 

Tox. Sed has tabellas, Paegnium, 

ipsi Lemniseleni fac des et quae iussi nuntiato. 



440 



THE PERSIAN 

2. ENTER Toxilns AND Paegnitim from their house. 
All plain and clear to you, is it ? You remember, 
you've got it all, have you? 
(j/a/nii/ig) Better than my teacher. 
{Irate) Is that so, you beat-head ? 
{pertly) Yes, that's so. 
Well then, what did I tell you? 
I'll tell it to her all right enough. 
By gad, you don't know ! 

By Jove, just you bet me I don't remember and 
know it all. {scomfuUij) Yes, and bet me you 
know yourself how many fingers you've got on 
your hand this moment. 
{superciliously) I bet with you ? 
Yes, like a man, if you're hankering to lose. 
Oh, let's call it quits, instead. 
Well then, let me go. 

I let you and order you, both, {impatiently) But 
I want you to go in such fashion as to be home 
when I think you're there {meaningDordalus' s house), 
{making for Toxilus's house) Certainly. 
Then where are you bound for now ? 
{gnnning) Home — so as to be at home when you 
think I'm there. 

{angrily) You're a young limb, and {forcing himself 
to be pleasant) I'll give you something all for 
yourself in retui-n for it. 

Oh yes, I know what a shameless reputation a 
master's promise generally has, and how he can't 
ever be forced to face a judge for that promise. 
Now, now, go along ! 
You'll praise me, I promise you. 
But, Paegnium, see you hand this letter {giving 
one to him) to Lemniselenis herself and let her 
know what I told you. 

441 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Soph. Cesso ire ego quo missa sum ? 

Paeg. Eo ego. 

Tox. I sane, ego domum ibo. face rem banc cum cura- 

geras. 
vola curriculo. 
Paeg. Istuc marinus passer per circum solet. 

illic hinc abiit intro hue. sed quis haec est quae 

med advorsum incedit? 
Soph. Paegnium hie quidem est. 
Paeg. Sophoclidisca haec peculiarest eius 

quo ego sum missus. 
Soph. Nulhis esse hodie hoc puero peior perhibetur. 

Paeg. Compellabo. 
Soph. Commorandust. 

Paeg. Standumst ^ apud banc obicem. 

Soph. Paegnium, debciae pueri, salve, quid agis? ut 

vales ? 
Paeg. Sophoclidisca, di me amabunt. 
Soph. Quid me? 

Paeg. Vtrum hercle di volent ; 

sed si ut digna es faciant, odio hercle habeant et 

faciant male. 
Soph. Mitte male loqui. 

Paeg. Quom ut digna es dico, bene, non male loquor. 

'ioph. Quid agis ? 

Paecr Feminam scelestam te astans contra contuor. 

)oph. Certe equidem puerum peiorem quam te novi 

neminem. 

1 Standumst Leo adds. Obicem Valla : obieci MSS. 
442 



THE PERSIAN 

{to herself, reluclantly abandoning her exanwiation oj 

the letter) Well, I must hurry up and go where I 

was sent, [turns toward Toxilus's house) 

(lazily) I'll be going. 

Do, by all means. And I'll go home. Attend to 

this matter carefully, mind. Now run, fly ! 

[exit Toxilus INTO HOUSE. 

That's what an ostrich does at the circus. Well, 

he's gone inside here, {seeing Sophoclidisca) But 

who's this stepping up to meet me ? 

{aside, seeing him and concealing the letter) It's 

Paegnium, I do believe. 

{aside, putting his left hand, with the letter, behind him) 

It's that Sophoclidisca, the special maid of the 

wench I'm sent to. 

{aside) There's not a little rascal around with a 

worse reputation. 

{aside) I'll have a word with her. {advances) 

{aside) I'll have to wait. 

1 must stop at this barrier. 

{aloud, tenderli/) Good morning, Paegnium, you 

little darling ! What's the news? How are you? 

{solemnlxi) Sophoclidisca, God will bless me ! 

{sntilmg) What about me ? 

Gad ! That's as He sees fit. But if He does as 

you deserve. He'll hate you, by gad, and give 

you blazes. 

Do stop being abusive. 

When I talk the way you deserve, it's not abuse 

but a blessing. 

{trying to be pleasant) What's the news ? 

I'm standing here face to face with you and gazing 

at a she-devil. 

{losing her patience) A worse little imp than you 

I certainly don't know, no, not one ! 

443 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quid male facio aut quoi male dico ? 

Quoi pol cumque occasio est. 
Nemo homo umquam ita arbitratust. 

At pol multi esse ita sciunt. 
Heia. . 
Beia. 

Tuo ex ingenio mores alienos probas. 
Fateor ego profecto me esse ut decet lenonis 

familiae. 
Satis iam dictum habeo. 

Sed quid tu ? confitere ut te autumo ? 
Fatear, si ita sim. 

Iam abi, vicisti. 

Abi nunciam ergo. 

Hoc mi expedi, 
quo agis ? 

Quo tu ? 

Die tu. 

Die tu. 

Prior rogavi. 

At post scies. 
Eo ego hinc baud longe. 

Et quidem ego baud longe hinc eo. 

Quo ergo is, scelus ? 
Nisi sciero prius ex te, tu ex me numquam hoc 

quod rogitas scies. 
Numquam ecastor hodie scibis prius quam ex te 

audivero. 
Itane est? 

Itane est. 

Mala es. 

Scelestu's. 

Decet me. 

Me quidem addecet. 



444 



THE PERSIAN 

(artlesslij) What do I do that's bad ? Or whom do 

I say bad things to? 

Goodness me ! To everyone you get a chance 

to. 

No man ever thought so. 

Good gracious ! But lots of them know so. 

Oh, tush ! 

Oh, slush ! 

You judge other people's characters from your 

own. 

Naturally I admit being all a maid in a pimp's 

household ought to be. 

{contemptuously) Enough said, I think. 

But what about you ? Do you admit you're what 

I declare? 

I would, if I were. 

Go along with you now ! You win ! 

Go along with youi'self, then, right now. 

Explain this, though — where are you bound ? 

Where are you ? 

(coaxingly) You tell. 

You tell. 

I asked first. 

But you'll be answered last. 

It's not far from here I'm going. 

Yes, and it's not far from here I'm going. 

Well then, where are you going, you little villain? 

I'll never tell you, unless you tell me first. 

And I vow I'll never tell you till you answer me. 

Really ? 

Really. 

You jade ! 

You reprobate ! 

Quite fit I should be. 

And quite befitting I should be. 

445 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Paeg. Quid ais ? certumnest celare, quo iter facias, 

pessuma ? 
Soph. Offiraiastin occultare quo te immittas, pessume ? 
Paeg. Par pari respondes dicto. abi iam, quando ita 
certa res. 

nihili facio scire, valeas. 
Soph. Asta. 

Paeg. At propero. 

Soph. Et pel ego item. 

Paeg. Ecquid habes? 
Soph. Ecquid tu ? 

Paeg. Nil equidem. 

Soph. Cedo manum ergo. 

Paeg. Estne haec manus ? 

Soph. Vbi ilia altera est furtifica laeva ? 
Paeg. Domi eccani. hue nullani attuli. 

Soph. Habes nescio quid. 

Paeg. Ne me attreeta, subigitatrix. 

Soph. Sin te amo ? 

Paeg. Male operam locas. 
Soph. Qui ? 

Paeg. Quia enim nihil amas, quom ingratum amas. 

Soj)h. Temperi hanc vigilare oportet formulam atque 
aetatulam, 

ne, ubi versicapillus fias, foede semper servias. 

tu quidem haud etiam es octoginta pondo. 
Paeg. At confidentia 

ilia militia militatur multo magis quam pondere. 

atque ego hanc ^ operam perdo. 

^ Leo brackets following mmc. 
446 



THE PERSIAN 

Look here ! Do you intend to keep your desti- 
nation dark, you vile female ? 

Have you made up your mind to keep your goal 
a secret, you vile male ? 

That's tit for tat. Go along now, seeing that's 
your intention. It's nothing to me to know. 
(jnoving o)i) Good bye. 
Stop! 

{slopping) But I'm in a hurry. 
Good gracious ! So am I. 

{noticing she has one hand in the folds of her gown) 
Have you got anything ? 
{makiyig a like discovery) Have you ? 
No indeed, not a thing. 
Stick out your hand, then. 
{holding out his right hand) Isn't this a hand ? 
Where is the other — your light-fingei-ed left ? 
{still holding it behind him) Oh, that's at home. I 
didn't bring that one along. 

{prdling at his left arm) You have something or other. 
{pushing her aivatj) Don't you touch me, seduceress ! 
{coquettishly) But if I love you ? 
A poor investment ! 
How so ? 

Well, because love's unprofitable when it's un- 
welcome. 

{trying vainly to pet him) Better be wide awake 
in good season while you're such a sweet, tender 
little thing, so that when your curls have changed 
their colour you won't be slaving it abjectly, 
always. As a matter of fact, you don't weigh 
even eighty pounds yet. 

Ah, but soldiering in that sort of service calls 
much more for spirit than for weight. However, 
this is wasted effort. 

447 



TITUS* MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quid iam ? 

Quia peritae praedico. 
sed ego cesso. 

Mane. 

Molesta es. 

Ergo ero quoque, nisi scio, 
quo agas te. 

Ad vos. 

Et pol ego ad vos. 

Quid eo? 

Quid id ad te attinet ? 
Enim non ibis nunc, vicissim nisi scio. 

Odiosu's. 

Lubet. 
numquam liercle istuc exterebrabis, tu ut sis peior 

quam ego siem. 
Malitia certare tecum miseria est. 

Mers tu mala es. 
Quid est quod metuas ? 

Idem istuc quod tu. 

Die ergo.^ 21 
Edictum est magno opei'e mihi, ne quoiquam hoc 

homini crederem, 
omnes muti ut eloquerentur pi-ius hoc quam ego. 

At tu hoc face : 
fide data credamus. 

Novi : omnes sunt lenae levifidae, 
neque tippulae levius pondust, quam fides lenonia. 
Die amabo. 

Die amabo. 

Nolo ames. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here (at die tu prius Goetz) and 
brackets following v., 240 : 
ne hoc cuiquam homini edicerem, omnes muti ut loquerentiir 

prius. 

448 



THE PERSIAN 

How is that ? 

Because I'm explaining to an expert. But I'm 

loafing, {inoves on) 

Wait ! 

You're a nuisance ! 

{holding him back) Then I'll continue to be, unless 

I find out where you're bound. 

To your house. ^ 

Goodness me ! And I to yours ! 

Why there ? 

What does that concern you ? [moves on) 

{catching hold of her) Well, you shan't go now, 

unless you take a turn at telling me. 

You're a botheration ! 

I like to be. By gad, you'll never screw so much 

out of me as to prove yourself slyer than I am. 

It's a bad business competing with you in badness. 

You're a bad jiiece of baggage yourself. 

What is it you're afraid of? 

The same thing as you. 

Tell me, then.^ 

I was specially instructed not to trust it to a 

living soul ; the dumb were all to speak out 

sooner than I. 

Oh well, come on, do I Let's promise secrecy 

and trust each other. 

I know, I know ! Bawds are all lightweights 

with their word. W'hy, the word of a bawd 

weighs no more than a water-spider. 

Do tell me, there's a dear ! 

Do tell me, there's a dear ! 

I don't wish to be your dear. 

^ V. 240 : The dumb were all to speak before I revealed 
it to a soul. 

449 

vol.. III. G G 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Facile impetras. 
Tecum Iiabeto. 

Et tu hoc taceto. 

Taciturn erit. 

Celabitur. 
Toxilo has fero tabellas tuo ero. 

Abi, eccillum domi. 
at ego Jianc ad Lemniseleneni tuam eram 

opsignatam abietem. 
Quid istic scriptum ? 

luxta tecum, si tu nescis, nescio ; 
nisi fortasse blanda verba. 

Abeo. 

Et ego abiero, 

Ambula. 



lovi opulento, incluto. 
Ope gnato, supremo, valido, viripotenti, 
opes, spes bonas, copias commodanti 
lubens^ vitulorque merito, 
quia meo amico amiciter hanc commoditatis copiam 
danunt, argenti mutui ut ei egenti opem adferam ; 
quod ego non magis somniabam neque ojiinabar 

neque censebam, 
earn fore mihi occasionem, ea nunc quasi decidit 

de caelo ; 
nam erus meus me Eretriam misit, domitos boves 

ut sibi mercarer, 
dedit argentum, nam ibi mercatum dixit esse die 

septumi : 
stultus, qui hoc mihi daret argentum, cuius 
ingenium noverat. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : disquc ovinibics ago gratias 
Ussing. 

450 



THE PERSIAN 

•g. Your wish is readily granted. 
h. Keep it to yourself. 

Yes, and keep mum, yourself. 
h. Mum 1 shall be. 
^. Never a word from me. 
h. {showing her letter) I'm carrying this letter to 

your master, Toxilus. 
\s, bo along. There he is, at home I Well, I'm 

carrying this sealed tablet [shoiving it) to your 

mistress, Lemniselenis. 

What's written on it ? 

I'm the same as you ; if you don't know, I don't 

— except mushy words, perhaps. 
h. I'm going. 

•o. And I'll be gone. [exit into Dordahiss house. 
h. (calling after him) Step along ! 

[exit into Toxilus s house. 

ne 3. ENTER Sagaristio in high spirits. 

O Jupiter, thou opulent, glorious son of Ops, 
deity supreme, powerful and puissant, who dost 
bestow opulence, happy hopes, and bounty, gladly 
do I thank thee and duly do I offer praise for 
that the gods do bestow upon my friend in 
friendly wise this bounteous benefit by enabling 
me to help him in his need with an opulent loan ! 
Upon my soul, I no more dreamed or supposed or 
believed I should have this opportunity — it almost 
seems to have dropped from heaven ! You see, 
my master has sent me to Eretria to purchase 
some plough-broken oxen for him, and he gave 
me the money, for the fair there, said he, comes 
a week from now. The poor fool ! To give me 
this money, {showing a ivallet hung around his neck) 
knowing my propensity ! Naturally his money 

G G 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

nam hoc argentum alibi abutar : boves, quos 

emerem, non erant ; 
nunc et amico prosperabo et genio nieo multa 

bona fociam, 
dill quo bene erit, die uno absolvam : tux tax 

tergo erit nieo. non euro, 
nunc amico homini boves domitos mea ex crumina 
largiar. 

nam id demum lepidumst, triparcos homines, 
vetulos, avidos, aridos 
bene admordere, qui salinum servo obsignant cum 

sale, 
virtus, ubi occasio admonet, dispicere. quid faciet 

mihi ? 
verberibus caedi iusserit, compedes impingi ? 

vapulet, 
ne sibi me credat supplicem fore : vae illi, nil iam 

mihi novi 
ofFerre potest, quin sim peritus. sed ^ Toxili 

puerum Paegnium eccum. 

II. 4. 

Paeg. Pensum meum, quod datumst, confeci. nunc 

domum propero. 
Sag. Mane, etsi properas. 

Paegnium, ausculta. 
Paeg. Emere oportet, quem tibi oboedire velis. 

Sag. Asta. 

Paeg. Exhibeas molestiam, ut opinor, si quid debeam, 

qui nunc sic tamen es molestus. 
Sag. Scelerate, etiam respicis ? 

Paeg. Scio ego quid sim aetatis, eo istuc maledictum 

impune auferes. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : sed (^quis hinc exUy Leo. 
452 



THE PERSIAN 

shall be elsewhere misapplied, I'll manage that. 
There were no oxen for me to buy. Here's 
where I both pros{)er a friend and contribute a 
lot to my personal comfoi-t. I'll reduce it all 
to one crowded day of glorious life. Master will 
play tic-tac on my back. I don't care. Now's 
my chance to shower my friend with plough- 
broken oxen from my wallet. 

I tell you what, it's a grand and glorious thing 
to get a good nip at those tri{)le-plated, doddering, 
greedy, dried-up old tight-fists who lock up their 
very salt-cellar, salt and all, against their slaves. 
{pauses, then less huoyantbj) Reflection's a virtue 
when occasion prompts. What'll he do to me ? 
Order me to be flogged raw ? Have shackles 
forged on me ? [after another pause) Let him be 
hanged I He needn't think I'll sue for mercy. 
Curse him ! He can't offer me anything novel 
now. I'm a connoisseur. [as Dordalus's door 
opens) But there's Toxilus's boy, Paegnium. 

ene 4. enter Paegnium. 

[7iot seeing Sagaristio) I've done the task that was 

set me. Now I'll hurry home, [qnickens his pace) 

[calling, consequentially) Hold on, no matter if you 

are in a hurry ! Hey, Paegnium, listen here ! 

[not looking) If you want a fellow to obey you, 

better buy him. 

Stop ! 

[not looking) You'd make yourself a nuisance, if 

I owed you anything, I fancy, seeing what a 

nuisance you are as it is. 

Look round, will you, you imp ! 

[stopping and surveying him coldly) I know how old 

I am, so you can carry off" your abuse without 

getting hurt. 

453 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Vbi Toxiliis est tuus erus? 

Vbi illi libet, neque te consulit. 

Etiam 
dicis ubi sit, venefice ? 
Nescio, inquam, iilmitriba tu. 
Male dicis maiori. 

Prior promeritus perpetiare. 2 

servam operam^ linguam liberam erus iussit med 

habere. 
Dicisne mi^ ubi sit Toxilus ? 

Dico lit perj)etuo pereas. 
Caedere hodie tu restibus. 

Tua quidem, cucule, causa ! 
non hercle, si os perciderini tibi, metuam^morticine. 
Video ego te : iam incubitatus es. 

Ita sum. quid id ad te ? ^ 
at non sum, ita ut tu, gratiis. 

Confidens. 

Sum hercle vero. 
nam ego me confido liberum fore, tu te numquam 

speras. 
Potin ut molestus ne sies ? 

Quod dicis facere non quis. 
Abi in malam rem. 

At tu domum : nam ibi tibi parata praestost. 
Vadatur hie me. 

Vtinam vades desint, in carcere ut sis. 
Quid hoc ? 

Quid est ? 

Etiam, scehis, male loquere ? 

^ Leo brackets following attinet, 
454 



THE PERSIAN 

Where is your master, Toxilus ? , 

Where he pleases, and he's not asking your advice 

about it. 

Come, tell me where he is, will you, you young 

viper ? 

I don't know, I tell you, you birch-waster. 

{ji'ith digiiihj) You are abusing your senior. 

You started it ; so stand it. Master said I was 

to have a slave's tasks and a free tongue. 

(menaci?igh/) Are you going to tell me where 

Toxilus is? 

[sweetly) I do tell you — to go to blazes and stay 

there. 

(outraged) You'll get your dose to-day with a 

rope's-end. 

Really? On your account, cuckoo? Gad! I'd 

have nothing to fear if I smashed your face in, 

you carrion. 

Oh yes, I know you ! You're your master's pet. 

So I am. What's that to you ? But I'm not a 

pet for nothing, like yourself. 

Such assurance I 

Yes indeed, by gad ! for I'm assured of being free, 

which is more than you can ever hope for. 

Can't you stop being a nuisance ? 

You preach what you can't practise ! 

Oh, go to hell ! 

But you go home ! You'll find hell there all 

warmed up awaiting your appearance. 

{sarc(tsticallti) This whippersnapper's binding me 

over by bail. 

I only hope you can't get bail and go to prison. 

(furious) What's this? 

(coolly) Well, what ? 

Still abusing me, you rapscallion ? 

455 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Paeg. Tandem ut liceat, 2 

quom servos siSj servom tibi male dicere. 
Sag. Itane ? specta 

quid dedero. 
Paeg. Nil, nam nil habes. 

Sag. Di deaeque me omnes perdant — 

Paeg. Amicus sum, eveniant volo tibi quae optas. 
Sag. Atque id fiat, 

nisi te liodie, si prehendero, defigam in terram 
colaphis. 
Paeg. Tun me defigas ? te cruci ipsum adfigent pro- 

pediem alii. 
Sag. Qui te di deaeque — scis quid hinc porro dicturus 
fuerim, 

ni linguae moderari queam. potin abeas ? 
Paeg. Abigis facile. 

nam umbra niea iam intus vapulat. 
Sag. Vt istunc di deaeque perdant. 

tamquam proserpens bestiast bilinguis etscelestus. 

hercle ilium abiisse gaudeo. foris aperit, ecceie 
autem 3 

quem convenire maxime cupiebam egreditur intus. 

II. 5. 

Tox. Paratum iam esse dicito, unde argentum sit 
futurum, 
iubeto habere animum bonum, die me illam amare 

multum ; 
ubi se adiuvat, ibi me adiuvat. quae dixi ut 

nuntiares, 
satin ea tenes .'' 
45^ 



THE PERSIAN 



Being a slave yourself, you niiglit at least let a 

slave abuse you. 

{shaking /lis Jist) Is that so? Watch what I will 



give you ! 

Nothing, for nothing's all you own. 
{making for him) May all the powers above con- 
sume me 

{retiring) As a friend, I hope that what you pray 
for may come to pass. 

And let it come, if once I catch you to-day and 
don't plant you in the ground with these fists! 
{strings at him) 

{(lodging) You plant me? It's you that'll be 
planted by others before long, on a cross. 
{making another vain effort to land a blow) May the 
j)owers above take you and — ^'ou know what I 
would add to that, if I couldn't restrain my 
tongue ! Get out, can't you ? {makes another lunge) 
{over his shoulder, with a grin, as he skips toward 
Toxiluss house) Easy job driving me off! As 
a matter of fact, my shadow's getting thrashed 
inside here already. [exit. 

(looking at the house) May all the powers above 
consume that urchin ! He's like a snake, with 
that two-forked villainous tongue of his. By Jove, 
I'm glad he's gone ! Ah, the door's opening ! 
Well, look at that ! Out comes the very man 
I've been craving so to meet ! {steps hack) 

5. ENTER Toxilus AND Sophoclidisco. 

Say it's already arranged as to where the money's 
coming from. Tell her to feel confident, say I 
love her deeply ; and when she cheers up she 
cheers me up, too. D'ye understand the message 
I've given you, all right? 

457 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Magis calleo quam aprugnum callum callet. 
Propera, abi domum.^ 

Nunc ego liuic graphice facetus fiam. 
subuixis alls me inferam atque amicibor gloriose. 
Sed qiiis hie ansatus ambulat ? 

Magnifice conscreabor. 
Sagaristio hie quidemst. quid agitur, Sagaristio ? 

ut valetur ? 
ecquid, quod mandavi tibi,^ estne in te speculae ? 

Adito. 
videbitur. factum volo. venito. promoneto. 
Quid hoc hie in collo tibi tumet ? 

Vomicast^ pressare parce ; 
nam ubi qui mala tangit manUj dolores cooriuntur. 
Quando istaec innatast tibi ? 

Hodie. 

Secari iubeas. 
Metuo, ne immaturam secern^ ne exhibeat phis 

negoti. 
Inspicere morbum tuom lubet. 

Ah ah, abi atque cave sis 
a cornu. 

Quid iam ? 

Quia boves bini hie sunt in crumina. 
Emitte sodes^ ne enices fame; sine ire pastum. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : (^Nutic) nunc ego Kaempf, 
* Corrupt (Leo) : in tespeculaest Ritschl. 

458 



THE PERSIAN 

[carelessly) Yes, I'm better grounded than a ground 
hog. [exit into house of Dordalns. 

(calling after her) Hurry ! Home with you ! 
(aside) Now's my chance for a fine bit of funny 
business with him ! I'll strut up with arms akimbo 
and a lordly air. (gii'es his cloak a rakish turn and 
swaggers along) 

(seeing him) But what's this two-handled jug Avith 
the jaunty stride ? 

(aside) I'll spit impressively, (does so) 
(aside) Wh}'^, it's Sagaristio ! (aloud) How goes 
it, Sagaristio? How are you? How about my 
commission .^ Any hope at all in you, is there ? 
(magnificently) Ajiproach. We shall see. Happy 
if I can oblige. Come here with you. Refresh 
my memory of the matter. 

(noting the bulge of the ivallet under his cloak) 
What's this swelling here on your neck ? (tries to 
feel it) 

(drawing hack) It is a tumour. Be sure not to 
squeeze it. For when a rough person touches it, 
it begins to hurt. 
Wlien did it grow on you ? 
To-day. 

You ought to have it cut out. 

I am afraid of cutting it out too soon, or it may 
make more trouble. 

I'd like to inspect your tumour, (tries to) 
(pushing him off) Ah there, ah there ! Get away ! 
-V- Better beware of the horns. 
Eh ? How's that ? 

Because there are a pair of oxen in this wallet. 
(throwing his cloak aside) 

(much concerned) Let 'em out, please ! Don't 
starve 'em to death ! Let 'em go to pasture ! 

459 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Enim metuo, ut possiin reicere in bubile, ne 

vagentur. 
Ego reiciam. habe animum bonum, 

Credetur, commodabo. 
sequere hac sis. argentum hie inest, quod mecum 

dudum orasti. 
Quid tu ais ? 

Dominus me bovis mercatum Eretriam misit. 
nunc mi Eretria erit haec tua domus. 

Nimis tu facete loquere. 
atque ego omne argentum tibi hoc actutum 

incolume redigam ; 
nam iam omnes sycophantias instruxi et com- 

paravi, 
quo pacto ab lenone auferam hoc argentum. 

Tanto mehor. 
Et mulier ut sit libera atque ipse ultro det 

argentum. 
sed sequei'e me : ad earn rem usus est tua mihi 
opera. 

Vtere ut vis. 

ACTVS III 

Quae res bene vortat mi et tibi et ventri meo 

perennitatique adeo huic, perpetuo cibus 

ut mihi supersit, suppetat^ superstitet : 

sequere hac, mea gnata, me, cum dis volentibus. 

quoi rei opera detur scis, tenes, intellegis ; 

communicavi tecum consilia omnia. 

ea causa ad hoc exemplum te exornavi ego. 

venibis tu hodie, virgo. 

460 



THE PERSIAN 

Ah, but I fear I cant drive '^m back to their 

stall ; they might wander away. 

I'll drive 'em back ! Rest easy ! 

{(t/ler a pause) I'll trust you, you can take 'em. 

{looking about cautiously and withdrawing) This way, 

please, {lij'ting the wallet from his neck) Inside 

here is the money you recently begged me for. 

What's that ? 

Master sent me to Eretria to buy some oxen. 

For the present your house here shall be my 

Eretria. 

(ecstatic) Oh, what a wag you are ! Yes sir, and 

I'll get all this money back to you intact in no 

time. For now I've got my schemes all laid and 

ready to do the pimp out of this money 

So much the better ! 

— and free the girl and make him give me still 

more money, (turning toward his house) But come 

along : I need your services in this matter. 

Use 'em as you like. [exeunt into house. 

ACT III 

enter Saturio, followed by his daughter in 

PERSIAN COSTUME. 

(solemnly) May Heaven bless this undertaking for 
me and for you and for my belly, aye, and bring 
it food for ever and ever, world without end, 
amen, to surpass its needs, supply and surfeit it ! 
This way, (going toward Toxilus's house) daughter 
mine, and God be with us ! You know the nature 
of our task, you grasp it, understand it. I have 
apprised you of all our plans. This is the reason 
for arraying you as I have. You are to be sold 
to-day, young lady. 

461 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Ainabo, mi pater, 
quamquam libenter escis alienis studes, 
tuin ventris causa filiam vendas tuam ? 
Minim quin regis Philippi causa aut Attali 
te potius vendam quam mea, quae sis mea. 340 

Vtrum tu pro ancilla me babes an pi-o filia ? 
Vtrum bercle magis in venti'is rem videbitur. 
meum, opino, imperiumst in te, non in me tibi. 
Tua istaec potestas est, pater, verum tamen, 
quamquam res nostrae sunt, pater, pauperculae, 
modice et modeste meliust vitam vivere ; 
nam ad paupertatem si admigrant infamiae, 
gravior paupertas fit, fides sublestior. 
Enim vero odiosa es. 

Non sum, neque me esse arbitror, 
quom parva natu recte praecipio patri. 350 

nam inimici famain non ita ut natast ferunt. 
Ferant eantque maximam malam crucem ; 
neque ego inimicitias omnes pluris existimo, 
quam mensa inanis nunc si apponatur mihi. 
Pater, bominum immortaUs est infamia ; 
etiam tum vivit, cum esse credas mortuam. 
Quid ? metuis, ne te vendam ? 

Non metuo, pater, 
verum insimulari nolo. 

At nequiquam nevis. 
meo modo istuc potius fiet quam tuo 
fiat, quae bae res sunt ? 

Cogita boc verbum, pater: 360 
462 



THE PERSIAN 

augh. But oh, fatlier dear, no matter how eager you are 
to enjoy other people's food, would you really sell 
your own daughter for the sake of your stomach ? 
{gruffly) A likely thing I should sell you for the 
sake of King Philip or Attalus, rather than for my 
own sake, when you're mine. 
augh. {gently) Which do you consider me, father, your 
maidservant, or your daughter ? 
Whichsoever seems more serviceable to my stom- 
ach, by Jove ! I have authority over you, I take 
it, not you over me. 

ih. Yes, father, you have the right to do it. Just the 
same, even if we are nothing but poor people, it's 
better to live modestly and as our means allow ; 
for if on top of poverty comes dishonour, one's 
poverty becomes a heavier burden and one's good 
name a byword. 
See here, girl, you are impertinent. 

'Ji. No, I'm not, sir, and I don't hold it impertinent 
to give my father good advice, young though I am. 
I know this — enemies don't carry about a scandal- 
ous tale in its original form. 

Let 'em carry it and go plump to the devil ! 1 no 
more care for all the enmity there is than for 
an empty table, if one was set before me this 
moment. 

'h. Father, dishonour is deathless ; it goes on living 
even when you think it's dead. 
See here ! Are you really afraid of my selling 
you? 

h. No, father. But I don't wish you to pretend. 
Well, your not wishing it is no use. I'm going to 
do this in my own way, not yours. What do you 
mean by acting so? 

h. Just consider this, father : suppose a master 

463 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

erus si minatus est malum servo suo, 
tametsi id futurum non est, ubi captumst flagrum^ 
dum tunicas ponit, quanta adficitur miseria ! 
ego nunc quod non futurumst formido tamen. 
Virgo atque mulier nulla erit quin sit mala, 
quae praeter sapiet quam placet parentibus. 
Virgo atque mulier nulla erit quin sit mala, 
quae reticet, si quid fieri pervorse videt. 
Malo cavere meliust te. 

At si non licet 
cavere, quid agam ? nam ego tibi cautum volo. 370 

Malusne ego sum ? 

Non es, neque me dignumst dicere, 
verum ei rei operam do, ne alii dicant, quibus 

licet. 
Dicat quod quisque volt ; ego de hac sententia 
non demovebor. 

At, meo si liceat modo, 
sapienter potius facias quam stulte. 

Lubet. 
Lubere per me tibi licere intellego ; 
verum lubere hau lubeat, si liceat mihi. 
Futura es dicto oboediens an non patri ? 
Futura. 

Scis iam tibi quae praecepi ? 

Omnia. 
Et ut surrupta fueris ? 

Docte calleo. 380 

Et qui parentes fuerint ? 

Habeo in memoria. 

464 



THE PERSIAN 

threatens to flog a slave ; even though he doesn't 

mean to do it, yet once the whip's in hand and 

the poor creature's tunic's laid aside, what miseiy 

he suffers ! You don't mean to sell me, but I, too, 

am fearful just the same. 
tt. Any girl or woman is certainly bad, if she knows 

more than her parents care to have her know. 
augk. And any girl or woman is certainly bad if she 

holds her peace when she sees things going wrong. 

{(tngrily) Better look out for something bad your- 
self! 

{earnestly) But if you don't permit me to look out, 

what shall I do? For you are the one I want to 

look out for. 
t. So I am bad, eh ? 
'mgh. No, father, and it's not proper for me to say so ; 

but I'm trying to prevent other people saying so, 

people whose tongues aren't tied. 
i. Let anyone say what he wants ; I am not to be 

diverted from this purpose. 
mtgh. But if you let me have my way, you'd act wisely 

rather than foolishly. 
i. (sulkily) I'm doing what I like. 
augh. I realize I must let you do as you like, but you 

would not like doing as you like, if you would let 

me counsel you. 
■i. {threateningly) Do you intend to obey your father's 

orders, or not? 
augh. [patiently) I do. 

You understand my instructions now ? 
augh. Entirely. 

/. And how you were stolen ? 
lugh. I am well informed. 
t. And who your parents were ? 
%ugh. Yes, I remember. (J'orlornly) Father, you are 

465 

VOL. III. H H 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

necessitate me mala ut fiam facis. 

verum videto, me ubi voles nuptum dare, 

ne haec fama faciat repudiosas nuptias. 

Tace, stulta. non tu nunc hominum mores vides ? 

quoivis modi hie cum ^ fama facile nubitur : 

dnm dos sit, nullum vitium vitio vortitur. 

Ergo istuc facito ut veniat in mentem tibi, 

me esse indotatam. 

Cave sis tu istuc dixeris. 
pol deum virtute dicam et maiorum meum, 39( 

ne te indotatam dicas, quoi dos sit domi : 
librorum eccillum habeo plenum soracum. 
si hoc adcurassis lepide, cui rei operam damus, 
dabuntur dotis tibi inde sescenti logi, 
atque Attici omnes ; nullum Siculum acceperis : 
cum hac dote jjoteris vel mendico nubere. 
Quin tu me ducis, si quo ducturu's, pater ? 
vel tu me vende vel face quid tibi lubet. 
Bonum aequomque oras. sequere hac. 

Dicto sum audieus. 



Quidnam esse acturum hunc dicam vicinum 

meum, 40( 

qui mihi iuratust sese hodie argentum dare ? 
quod si non dederit atque hie dies praeterierit, 
ego argentum, ille iusiurandum amiserit. 
sed ibi concrepuit foris. quisnam egreditur foras ? 

^ Leo brackets following mala. 
466 



THE PERSIAN 

forcing me to be a bad woman. But see to it 
that, when you wish to marry me to someone, 
tliis scandal may not make the match repudiable. 
Shut up, stupid ! Don't you see how men are 
nowadays ? It's easy for any girl to get married 
here, no matter what her reputation is : only let 
her have a dowry, a smirch seems no smirch at all. 
ugh. Well then, see you bear in mind the fact that I 
have no dowry. 

{indignantly) You will please not say that. By 
heaven, thanks to the gods and my own forbeai-s, let 
me tell you, you are not to say you have no dowry, 
when you have one at home. Why, look you ! 
1 have a whole hamper full of books. If you do a 
neat, careful piece of work on this job of ours, I'll 
give you a good six hundred witticisims out of em 
for a dowry, and all Attic ones, without a single 
Sicilian quip amongst 'em. Why, with such a 
dowry you can marry even a beggar. 
'Jaugk. (hopeless) If you intend to take me anywhere, 
father, why not do so? Sell me, do anything you 
like. 

A fair and proper request. Come this way. (goes 
iotvai'd Toxilus's house) 
ugh. {Jollo7ving) I hear and obey. [kxeunt. 

?cene 2. enter Dordalus. 

r. [wiih a sour glance at Toxilus's house) Well, what 
does my neighbour intend to do, I wonder, in 
view of his having taken oath to give me the 
money to-day? If the day passes without his 
paying me, I'll lose my cash and he his credit. 
{listening) A noise at the door there, though ! 
Who's coming out, I wonder? 

467 
H H 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Curate isti intus, iam ego domum me recipiani. 

Oh, 

Toxile, quid agitur ? 

Oh, latum lenonium, 

commixtum caeno stercuhnum pubHcum, 

impure, inhoneste, iniure, inlex, labes popli, 

pecuniae accipiter avide atque invide, 

procax, rapax, trahax — trecentis versibus 410 

tuas impuritias traloqui nemo potest — 

accipin argentum ? accipe sis argentum, impudens, 

tene sis argentum, etiam tu argentum tenes ? 

possum te facere ut argentum accipias, lutum ? 

non mihi censebas copiam argenti fore, 

qui nisi iurato mihi nil ausu's credere ? 

Sine respirare me, ut tibi respondeam. 

vir summe populi, stabulum servitutium, 

scortorum liberator, suduculum flagri, 

compedium tritor, pistrinorum civitas, 420 

perenniserve, lurco, edax, furax, fugax, 

cedo sis mi argentum, da mihi argentum, im- 
pudens, 

possum a te exigere argentum ? argentum, inquam, 
cedo, 

quin tu mi argentum reddis ? nilne te pudet ? 

leno te argentum poscit, solida servitus, 
. pro liberanda amica, ut omnes audiant. 

Tace, obsecro hercle. ne tua vox valide valet. 

Referundae ego habeo linguam natam gratiae. 

eodem mihi pretio sal praehibetur quo tibi. 

468 



THE PERSIAN 

scene 3. enter Toxilus. 

Tox. (to slaces witliin) See to things inside there ; I 
shall be back shortly. 

Vor. Ah there, Toxilus, how goes it? 

Tox. {turning on him savagely and shaldng the wallet in his 
face) Ah, there, you putrefied pimp, you mixture 
of mire and public dung-pit, you indecent, in- 
famous, iniquitous lump of illegality, you blot on 
the community, you hungry, hateful money-hawk, 
you nasty, greedy, grabby miscreant — no one can 
phrasify your filthiness in three hundred l\nes L 
— will you accept your money ? Come, kindfy 
accept your money, brassface, kindly take your 
money ! Here, take your money, will you ? Can I 
make you accept your money, muckheap ? Didn't 
suppose I'd be supplied with money, did you, 
when you wouldn't trust me at all except under 
oath ? 

Dor. {gathering himself together) Let me recover my 
breath for a reply, {bellowing) See here, you idol 
of the public, you haunt of hangdog menials, 
you liberator of harlots, you whiplasher, shackle- 
waster, miller's metropolis, liferslave, you swilling, 
stuffing, stealing runaway, you kindly hand over 
my money ! Give me my money, brassface ! Can 
I make you relinquish my money ? Hand over 
my money, I tell you ! Why don't you pay me 
my money ? Shameless entirely, are you .^ It's a 
pimp dunning you for money for setting your 
mistress free, you embodiment of bondage, and 
dunning you for all to hear ! 

Tox. {looking about nervously) Shut up, for God's sake I 
Lord, man, you've got grand good lungs ! 

T)or. My tongue was made to return a compliment. 
Salt is sold me at the same price as to you. And 

469 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

nisi me liaec defendet, numquam delinget salcm. 
lam omitte iratiis esse, id tibi susceiisui, 
quia te negabas credere argentum milii. 
Mirum quin tibi ego crederem, ut idem milii 
faceres quod partim faciunt argentarii : 
ubi quid credideris^ citius extemplo a foro 
fugiunt quam ex porta ludis cum emissust lepus. 
Cape hoc sis. 

Quin das .'' 

Nummi sescenti hie eruntj 
probi, numerati. fac sit muHer libera, 
atque hue continuo adduce. 

lam faxo hie erit. 
non hercle, quoi nunc hoc dem spectandum, scio. 
Fortasse metuis in manum concredere ? 
Mirum quin^ 

Abi istac travorsis angiportis ad forum ; 
eadem istaec facito mulier ad me transeat 
per hortum. 

lam hie faxo aderit. 

At ne propalam. 
Sapienter sane. 

Supplicatum eras eat. 
Ita hercle vero. 

Dum stas, I'editum oportuit. 



^ Leo notes lacuna here, Mirum (^quort)^ citius Lindsay 
and brackets rest of v. and following v. 443 : 

citius iam a foro argentarii 
abeunt, quam in cursu rotula circumvortitur. 

470 



THE PERSIAN 

never a lick of it shall my tongue have, unless she 

looks after me. 

{soothingly) Do stop being angry now. I was 

offended at you for refusing to trust me with the 

money. 

[still irate) A wonder I wouldn't trust you, to have 

you play the same trick on me that some of the 

bankers play ! Once you trust anything to them, 

they scurry away from the forum faster than a 

hare from its cage door at the games. 

[holding out Sagaristio's wallet) You kindly take this. 

(rt* Toxilus withdraws it) Why don't you give it 

to me .'^ 

[glancing at the contents) You will find here sixty 

})Ounds, good honest cash, [passifig it over) Set the 

girl free and bring her here immediately. 

[carelessly, opening the wallet) I'll soon have her 

here, [half to himself, examining one of the coitis) 

Jove ! I don't know whom I can get to test this 

for me. 

You dread entrusting it to anyone, I daresay ? 

It's a wonder i . . . 

Go that way, [pointing) by the back alleys, to the 

forum ; let the girl come to my house the same 

way, through the garden. 

[still examining the money) I'll soon get her here. 

[urgently) But don't make it too public. 

[looking up with a sneer) There's certainly tact in 

that ! 

She can go and thank the gods to-morrow. 

Yes, of course I Lord, yes ! [exit. 

[calling after hnn) You should have got back in the 

time you've been standing here. 

* Vv. 442-443: The bankers decamp from the forum 
these daj's faster than a wheel turns around in its travels. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 



ACTVS IV 



Si quam rem accures sobrie aut frugaliter, 

solet ilia recte sub manus succedere. 450 

atque edepol fei'me ut quisque rem accurat 

suam, 
sic ei procedit postprincipio, denique 
si malus aut nequamst, male res vortunt quas 

agit, 
sin autem frugist, eveniunt frugaliter. 
banc ego rem exorsus sum facete et callide, 
igitur proventuram bene confido mihi. 
nunc ego lenonem ita hodie intricatum dabo, 
ut ipsus sese, qua se expediat, nesciat. 
SagaristiOj heus, exi atque educe vii-ginem 
et istas tabellaSj quas consignavi tibij 460 

quas tu attulisti mi ab ero meo usque e Persia. 



Numquid moror? 

Euge, euge, exornatu's basilice ; 
tiara ornatum lepida condecorat schema, 
turn banc hospitam autem crepidula ut graphice 

decet. 
sed satin estis meditati ? 

Tragici et comici 
numquam aeque sunt meditati. 
472 



THE PERSIAN 
• ACT IV 

Toxilus ON STAGE AFTER EXIT OF DordaluS. 

[cojitentedly) If you give a matter serious or proper 
attention, it generally makes good progress under 
your management. Yes, by Jove, a man's affairs 
proceed and prove successful pretty nearly accord- 
ing to the attention he gives 'em, and in the end, 
if he's a poor sort, some useless stick, his under- 
takings turn out poorly ; but if he's the proper sort, 
they come out properly. Now I've got this affair 
of mine under way in clever, canny style, so I'm 
confident of a happy outcome. I'll proceed to get 
the pimp so tied up to-day that he won't know 
how to extricate himself, {calling at his door) 
Hey ! Sagaristio ! Come out and bring along 
the young lady and that letter I wrote and sealed 
for you, Avhich (chuckling) you brought me from 
my master all the way from Persia. 

}. ENTER Sagaristio and Saturio's daughter in 

PERSIAN costume. 

(pirouetting) Anything slow about me ? [hands 

Toxilus the letter) 

(surveying him) Good ! Good ! A royal get-up ! 

That turban sets off your outfit in lovely fashion ! 

(inspectiiig the girl) Yes, and those little sandals 

— they suit the stranger maiden to a T ! But 

have you got your parts well in mind ? 

(with conviction) Never did tragedian or comedian 

have 'em better, 

473 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Lepide hercle adiuvas.^ 
id erit adeundi tempus. nunc agite ite vos. 



Quoi homini di propitii sunt, aliquid obiciunt 

lucri ; 
nam ego hodie compendi feci binos panes in dies, 
ita ancilla niea quae fuit hodie, sua nunc est : 

argento vicit ; 
iam hodie alienum cenabit, nil gustabit de nieo. 
sumne probus, sum lepidus civis, qui Atticam 

hodie civitatem 
maxiniam maiorem feci atque auxi civi femina ? 
sed ut ego hodie fui benignus, ut ego multis 

credidi, 
nee satis a quiquam homine accepi : ita prosum 

credebam omnibus ; 
nee metuo, quibus credidi hodie, ne quis mi in 

iure abiurassit : 
bonus volo iam ex hoc die esse — quod neque fiet 

neque fuit. 
Hunc hominem ego hodie in trasennam doctis 

deducam dobs, 
itaque huic insidiae paratae sunt probe, adgrediar 

virum. 
quid agis ? 

Credo. 

Vnde agis te, Dordale ? 

Credo tibi. 
di dent, quae velis. 

Eho, an iam manu emisisti mulierem ? 

1 Leo brackets following vv., 467-468: 

age, illuc ahscede procul e conspecta et tace. 
ubi cum Icnone me videhis conloqui 

474 



THE PERSIAN 

By Jove, this is glorious assistance ! ^ {looking 
down the street) It's about time for him to appear. 
Come now, you two, be off" ! 

[exeunt Sagaristio and the girl. 

::ene 3. enter Dordalus. 

*or. {serenely, not seeing Toxiliis) When the gods feel 
kindly toward a man they put something lucrative 
in his way. Here's my case — I've just now saved 
two loaves a day. For that maidservant I owned 
to-day now owns herself: {glancing at Toxilns's 
house) he bought his victory. And now she'll 
dine off" someone else to-day and not eat a bite 
of mine. (§''"»/(/) Oh, but ain't I a high-minded, 
superlative citizen to have made our great and 
glorious Attic commonwealth greater still to-day 
by giving it another citizeness .'' {dreaming) But 
what a kindly soul I've been to-day ! How many 
men I did trust, without taking security from 
one ! The way I kept trusting everyone entirely ! 
And never a fear of anyone I trusted to-day 
denying his debts to me in court ! I want to be 
a good man now, from this day on — {waking up) 
a wish that won't come true and never has ! 
{aside) Now to lead this chap into the net with 
my masterly manoeuvres, the trap being all finely 
fixed for him ! I'll up to the worthy, {advances) 
How goes it ? 
(as in a reverij) Trustfully. 
Where are you coming from, Dordalus? 
I trust you. God grant your desires ! 
Oho ! Have you actually freed the girl already ? 

^ Vv. 467-468 : Come, get over there at some distance 
out of sight, and keep still. When you see me talking 
with the pimp 

475 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Credo edepol, credo^ inquam, tibi. 

lam liberta auctu's? 

Enicas. 
quin tibi me dico credere. 

Die bona fide ; iam liberast ? 
Olim. 
i. i ad forum ad praetorem^ exquire, siquidem mihi 

credere non vis. 
libera, inquam, est : ecquid audis ? 

At tibi di bene faciant omnes. 
numquam enim posthac tibi nee tuorum quoiquam 
quod nolis volam. 

Abi, ne iura, satis credo. 
Vbi nunc tua libertast ? 
Apud te. 

Ain, apud mest? 

Aio, inquam, apud te est, inquam. 
Ita me di ament, ut ob istam rem tibi multa bona 

instant a me. 
nam est res quaedam, quam occultabam tibidicere : 

nunc eam narrabo, 
unde tu pergrande lucrum facias: faciam, ut mei 

memineris, dum vitam 
vivas. 

Bene dictis tuis bene facta aures meae auxilium 
exposcunt. 
Tuom promeritumst, merito ut faciam. et ut me 

scias esse ita facturum, 
tabellas tene has, pellege. 
Istae quid ad me ? 

Immo ad te attinent et tua refert. 
nam ex Persia sunt haec allatae mihi a meo ero. 

Quando ? 

Haud dudum. 



476 



THE PERSIAN 

I trust, yes, by heaven, I say, J do trust you. 

So you're a freedwoman the richer, eh ? 

{roused into peevishness) Oh, you plague ! See 

here I I tell you I trust you. 

Tell me, honestly — is she free now ? 

Long ago. (Jo on, go to the forum to the praetor, 

inquire, in case you're unwilling to trust me. 

She's free, I tell you. Can't you hear.? 

(J'ervently) Well, well ! May all the powers of 

heaven bless you ! From this day forth I'll wish 

for you or yours nothing but what you wish ! 

Go along with you, don't take oath to it ! I trust 

you all right. 

Where is your freedwoman now ? 

At your house. 

Really ? At my house ? 

Yes, really, I say, at your house, I say. 

{in a transport of gratitude) So help me heaven, but 

that's going to bring you a big harvest from me ! 

{lowering his voice) You see, there is a certain 

matter I was keeping to myself; but now I'm 

going to tell you about it and it'll be monstrously 

lucrative for you. I'll make you remember me 

your Avhole life long. 

{sceptical) My ears await some benefits in support 

of your benedictions. 

{zealously) You deserve to have me give you your 

deserts. And just to let you know I will, take 

this letter, {holding it out) read it through. 

{declining it, offishly) How does it concern me ? 

Ah, but it does concern you and you'll find it of 

interest. It was brought me from Persia, from my 

master, you see. 

When? 

Not long ago. 

477 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quid istae narraut ? 

Percontare ex ipsis. ipsae tibi narrabunt. 
Cedo sane.^ 

At clare recitato. 

Tace, dum pel lego. 

Hau verbum faciam. 
Salutem dicit Toxilo Tiniarchides 
et familiae omni. si valetis, gaiideo. 
ego valeo recte et rem gero et facio lucrunn, 
neqiie istoc redire his octo possum mensibuSj 
itaque hie est quod me detinet negotium. 

Chrysopolim Persae cepere urbem in Arabia, 
plenam bonarum rerum atque antiquom 

oppidum : 
ea comportatur praeda, ut fiat auctio 
publicitus ; ea res me domo expertem facit. 
operam atque hospitium ego isti praehiberi 
volo, 
qui tibi tabellas adfert. cura quae is volet, 
nam is mihi honores suae domi habuit 
maxumos. 
Quid id ad me aut ad meam rem refert, Persae 

quid rerum gerant 
aut quid erus tuos? 

Tace, stultiloque ; nescis quid te instet boni 
neque quam tibi Fortuna faculam lucrifera 

adlucere volt. 
Quae istaec lucrifera est Foi-tuna? 

Istas, quae norunt, I'oga. 
ego tantumdem scio quantum tu, nisi quod pellegi 

prior, 
sed, ut occepisti, ex tabellis nosce rem. 

Bene me mones. 
fac silentium. 

^ Leo brackets following mihi. 
478 



THE PERSIAN 

What does it say ? 

Ask it. It'll tell you itself. 

All right, give it here, [takes it) 

But read it out loud. 

Keep still and I'll do so. 

I won't say a word. 

[reading) " Best Avishes from Timarchides to Tox- 

ilus and the whole household ! If you are well, I 

am content. I am perfectly well myself, busy, 

and lucratively so, and cannot return for the next 

eight months, there being a matter liere which 

detains me. 

" The Persians have captured the city of 
Chrysopolis in Arabia, an ancient town and 
rolling in riches. This booty is being collected 
for a public auction — which fact accounts for 
my absenting myself from home. 

" I wish the service and hospitality of our 
household to be extended to the bearer of this 
lettei'. Give his wishes your careful attention, 
for he has treated me with the greatest considera- 
tion in his own home." [looking up disgustedli/) 
What does it matter to me or my welfare what 
the Persians are doing, or your master, either? 
[eagerbj) Do keep still, you blitherer ! You don't 
know what a harvest is coming to you, or what a 
sweet little torch lucreful Luck's ready to light 
for you ! 

What's that lucreful Luck of yours ? 
Ask the party that knoAvs. [indicating letter) All 
I know is what you do, except that I read it 
through first. But learn about it from the letter, 
as you began. 
A good suggestion. Keep still. 



479 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Nunc ad illud venies quod refert tua. 
Iste qui tabellas adfert adduxit simul 
forma expetenda liberalem virginem, 
furtivam, abductam ex Arabia penitissuma ; 
earn te volo accurare ut istic veneat. 
ac suo periclo is emat qui earn mercabitur : 
mancipio neque promittet neque quisquam 

dabit. 
probum et numeratum argentum ut accipiat 

face, 
haec cura, et hospes cura ut curetur. vale. 
Quid igitur? postquam recitasti quod erat cerae 

creditum, 
iam mihi credis ? 

Vbi nunc illest hospes, qui hasce hue attulit? 
Iam hie credo aderit : arcessivit illam a navi. 

Nil mi opust 
litibus neque tricis. quam ob rem ego argentum 

enumerem foras ? 
nisi mancipio accipio, quid eo mi opus est merci- 

monio ? 
Tacen an non taces ? numquam ego te tam esse 

matulam credidi. 
quid metuis? 

Metuo hercle vero. sensi ego iam compluriens, 
neque mi haud imperito eveniet, tali ut in luto 

haeream. 
Nil pericli mihi videtur. 

Scio istuc, sed metuo mihi. 
Mea quidem istuc nil refert : tua ego hoc facio 

gratia, 
ut tibi recte conciliandi primo facerem copiam. 
Gratiam habeo. sed te de aliis, quam alios de te 

suaviust 
fieri doctos. 

480 



THE PERSIAN 

Now you'll come to what is to your interest. 
{i-eading) " The bearer of this letter has brought 
with him a girl, remarkably beautiful and ladylike, 
who was stolen, abducted, from the inmost recesses 
of Arabia ; I want you to see to it she is sold 
there. The buyer is to buy her at his own risk, 
mind. No warrant will be promised or given. 
See that my guest receives good honest money, 
cash down. Look after this, and look out that 
he is looked after. Farewell." 
(enthusiastic) Well now ? Having read what was 
trusted to the wax there, do you trust me : 
(guardedli/) Where is that stranger at present who 
brought the letter here ? 

He'll soon be here, I trust ; he went to fetch the 
girl from the ship. 

{shaking his head) I've got no use at all for lawsuits 
or quirks. Why should I pay over my money to 
outsiders ? Unless I receive a warrant, what use 
have I for such wares ? 

Will you shut up, or won't you ? I never sup- 
posed you were such a pothead ! What are you 
afraid of? 

Gad, but I am afraid, for a fact. I've had a good 
many lessons already, and it won't be any new 
experience to get stuck in a mudhole like that. 
(with guileless ambiguity) There doesn't seem to 
be any danger, to me. 

(drijly) I know that, but it's myself I fear for. 
(with a shrug) Oh well, it's of no consequence to 
me. I'm doing it merely out of consideration for 
you, so as to give you first chance to pick her up 
at a bargain. 

Much obliged. But it's pleasanter to profit by a 
horrible example than to be one. 

481 

VOL. III. I I 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Tax. Ne quis vero ex Arabia penitissuma 

persequatur. etiam tu illam destinas? 
Dor. Videam niodo 

mercimonium. 
Tox. Aequa dicis. sed optume eccum ipse advenit 

hospes ille, qui has tabellas attulit. 
Dor. Hicinest? 

Tox. Hie est. 

Dor. Haecine illast furtiva virgo? 
Tox. luxta tecum aeque scio, 

nisi quia specie quidem edepol liberalist, quisquis 
est. 
Dor. Sat edepol concinnast facie. 
Tox. Vt contemptim carnufex. 

taciti contemplemur formani. 
Dor. Laudo consilium tuom. 

IV^ 4. 

■Sag. Satin Athenae tibi sunt visae fortunatae atque 

opiparae ? 
■Vir, Vrbis speciem vidi, hominum mores perspexi 
I parum. 55C 

Tox. Numquid in principio cessavit verbum docte 

dicere ? 
Dor, Hau potui etiam in primo verbo perspicere 

sapientiam. 
482 



THE PERSIAN 

X. But surely no one would follow her up {eviphatic- 
ally) "from tlie inmost recesses of Arabia." You 
mean to buy her, of course ? 

'/•. {(I'f^^^ reflection) Well, but I must see the goods. 

.T. Right you are I {looking down the street) But here's 
luck ! Look ! There comes that stranger himself 
that brought the letter ! 

ir. He's the man, eh ? 

x. He's the one. 

)r. (looking intently) And is she that stolen girl ? 

ij-. I know just as much as you about that — {eyeing her 
most appreciatively) except that she certainly has a 
ladylike look, by gad, whoever she is. 

)r. {hiding his delight) Oh yes, she's a rather neat 
contrivance. 

)x. (aside) Such a condescending scoundrel ! (aloud, 
drawing him hack) Let's keep quiet and consider 
her appearance. 

?r. (ogling the approaching girl) A good idea ! Con- 
gratulations ! 

ene 4. enter Sagaristio and Saturio's daughter, looking 

ABOUT INTERESTEDLV, BUT PRETENDING NOT TO SEE 
THE OTHER PAIR. 

g. Does Athens seem happy and prosperous enough 

to suit you ? 
augh. (demurely) I have observed the aspect of the city ; 

the character of the inhabitants I have not 

sufficiently studied. 

(aside to Dordalus, approvingly) How's that for 

coming out plump with something shrewd to 

begin with ? 
or. (aside to Toxilus with assumed indifference) I haven't 

been able to assui*e myself of her good sense from 

her first few words. 

483 
ii2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quid id quod vidisti? ut munitum muro tibi visum 

oppidumst ? 
Si incolae bene sunt morati, pulchre munitum 

arbitror. 
perfidia et peculatus ex urbe et avaritia si exulant, 
quarta invidia, quinta ambitio, sexta obtrectatio, 
septimum periurium, 

Euge. 

Octava indiligentia, 
nona iniuria, decimum^ quod pessimum adgressust, 

scelus : 
liaec unde abei'unt, ea urbs moenita muro sat erit 

simplici ; 
ubi ea aderunt, centumplex murus rebus servandis 

parumst. 
Quid ais tu ? 

Quid vis? 

Tu in illis es decern sodalibus : 
te in exilium ire hinc oportet. 

Quid iam? 

Quia periurus es. 
Verba quidem baud indocte fecit. 

Ex tuo, inquam, usust : erne banc. 
Edepol qui cum lianc magis contemplo^ magis 
placet. 

Si banc emeris, 
di immortales, nullus leno te alter erit opulentior. 
evortes tuo arbitratu homines fundis, familiis ; 
cum optimis viris rem habebis, gratiam cupient 

tuam : 
venient ad te comissatum. 

At ego intro mitti votuero. 

484 



THE PERSIAN 

How about what you have observed ? The wall — 
what do you think of that as a fortification for the 
town ? 

If the citizens are of sound character, I consider 
the town splendidly fortified. If perfidy and 
peculation and greed are banished from this city, 
yes, and envy, for a fourth, and fifth, place-hunting, 

sixth, vilification, seventh, perjury 

(aside to Dordalus, with a dig in the ribs) Hear ! 
Hear ! 

— and eighth, indifference, ninth, injustice, and 
tenth and worst in its assaults, crime — the city 
from which these vices are absent will be walled 
well enough with a single wall. But where they 
are present, a hundred-fold wall is not enough to 
preserve the property within it. 
(aside to Dordalus) I say, you ! 
(rapt) What d'ye want ? 

You belong to that fraternity of ten : it would 
become you to banish yourself. 
How's that ? 
For being a perjurer. 

(irrtjhf) Her remarks weren't entirely pointless, 
for a fact. 

(earnestly) You can use her to advantage, I tell 
you. Buy her. 

Upon my soul, the more I consider her, the more 
she pleases me. 

If you do buy her, ye immortal gods ! There'll 
be no wealthier pimp alive. You'll turn men out 
of their estates and households at your disci-etion ; 
you'll do business with the leading citizens, have 
'em currying favour with you. They'll be coming 
to your house for theii> revels ! 
(with affected rigour) But I shall forbid their 
admission. 

485 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Tox. At enim illi noctu occentabunt ostium, exurent 
fores : 
proin tu tibi iubeas concludi aedis foribus ferreis, 57( 
ferreas aedis commutes, limina indas ferrea, 
ferream seram atque anellum ; ne sis ferro 

parseris : 
ferreas tute tibi impingi iubeas crassas compedis. 
Dor. I sis in malum cruciatum, 

Tox. I sane tu,^ ausculta mihi. 

Dor. Modo uti sciam, quanti indicet. 
Tox, Vin hue vocem ? 

Dor, Ego-illo accessero. 

Tox, Quid agis, hospes ? 

Sag. Venio, adduco banc ad te, ut dudum dixeram. 

nam heri in portum noctu navis venit. veniri 

banc volo, 
si potest ; si non potest, iri Iiinc volo quantum 
potest. 
Dor, Salvos sis, adulescens. 

Sag, Siquidem banc vendidero pretio suo. 

Tox. At qui aut lioc emjitore vendes pulchre, aut alio 

non potis. 58( 

Sag. Esne tu buic amicus ? 

Tox. Tarn quam di omnes qui caelum colunt. 

Dor. Tum tu mi es inimicus certus. nam generi 
lenonio 
numquam ullus deus tam benignus fuit, qui fuerit 
propitius. 
I Sag. Hoc age. opusnest bac tibi empta ? 
Dor. Si tibi venissest opus, 

mihi quoque emptast ; si tibi subiti nihil est, 
tantumdemst mihi. 
^Sag. Indica, fac jiretium. 
Dor. Tua mers est, tua indicatiost. 

^ Leo brackets following hanc cme atque. 
486 



THE PERSIAN 

Why, but they'll serenade your portals by night, 
burn down your doors ! Forestall 'em : order your 
liouse to be shut up with doors of iron ; change 
it to a house of iron; put in iron thresholds, an 
iron bar, an iron ring. Please, please don't spare 
the iron — order some for {g}-i?mi)ig) yourself, a 
good solid set of shackles, rivetted on. 
{geniaUy) Please, please, go to hell ! 
{vigorously) You go, do — [mildly, with a wave toivard 
the girl) and listen to me. 
I only wish I knew what he asks for her. 
Want me to call him over here ? 
I'll step over there. Qhvy advance) 
{to Sagaristio) What of you, sir stranger ? 
{brusquely) I am here, and bringing this girl 
to you as I recently said I would. My ship, as 
you know, arrived in port last night. I want this 
girl sold if possible ; if not, I want to be gone as 
soon as possible. 
Good day to you, sir. 
Yes, good, if I sell her at her real value. 
But if you can't sell her on fine terms to (ivinking 
surreptitiously at Dordalus) this buyer, sir, I swear 
you can't to anyone. 
{interested) Are you a friend of his ? 
As true as all the gods in heaven. 
{aside to him) Then you are a confirmed enemy of 
mine. For never was there any god obliging 
enough to give us pimps a helping hand. 
To business ! You have occasion to buy this girl ? 
{cautious) If you have occasion to sell her, why, 
yes, I have occasion to buy her ; if it's no emer- 
gency with you, it's no more so with me. 
Put a price on her ; make a bid. 
She's your goods ; you're the one to put a price 
on her. 

487 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Aequom hie orat. 

Vin bene emere ? 

Vin tu pulchre vendere ? 
Ego scio hercle utrumque velle. 

Age, indica prognariter. 
Prius dico : banc mancupio nemo tibi dabit. iam 
scis? 
Scio. 
indica, minimo daturus qui sis, qui duci queat. 
Tace, tace. nimis tu quidem hercle homo stiiltus 

es puerihter. 
Quid ita? 

Quia enim te ex puella prius percontari volo 
quae ad rem referunt. 

Atque hercle tu me monuisti hau male, 
vide sis, ego ille doctus leno paene in foveam 

decidi, 
ni hie adesses. quantum est adhibere hominem 

amicum, ubi quid geras. 
Quo genere aut qua in patria nata sit aut quibus 

parentibus, 
ne temere banc te emisse dicas siiasu atque 

impulsu meo, 
volo te percontari. 

Quin laudo, inquam, consilium tuom. 
Nisi molestum est, percontari banc paucis hie volt. 

Maxime, 
suo arbitratu. 

Quid stas ? adi sis tute atque ipse itidem roga, 
ut tibi percontari liceat quae velis ; etsi mihi 
dixit dare potestatem eius ; sed ego te malo 

tamen, 
eumpse adire, ut ne contemnat te ille. 



THE PERSIAN 

{to Sagaristio, confidentially) That's a fair request 

of his. 

D'ye want to buy her at a good figure ? 

And you — want to sell her at a fine figure ? 

Gad ! You both want that, I know. 

Come on, put a price on her, like a man. 

I tell you tliis first : nobody will give you a warrant 

with her. You understand now ? 

{eagerly) I understand. State the lowest figure 

you'll let her go for. 

{pidling Dordalus aside) Hush, man, hush ! Good 

Lord, what a childish simpleton you are, really ! 

Eh? How's that? 

Why, because I want you to put some pertinent 

questions to the girl first. 

And not a bad suggestion, either, by Jove ! Will 

you just look at this — here am I, that wily pimp, 

almost falling into a pit, if you hadn't been here ! 

Ah, it's a great thing to have a friend by, when 

you have business. 

I want you to question her about her family, or 

country, or parents, so that you won't be saying 

you bought her rashly at my urgency and 

instigation. 

Yes, indeed ! I call that good advice. 

{stepping up to Sagaristio) If it Avill not trouble you, 

sir, he wishes to question this lady a bit. 

By all means, at his own discretion. 

{disgustedly, on rejoining Dordalus) What are you 

standing there for ? Kindly step up and ask him 

yourself, as Avell, for permission to question her 

as you like. He told me he'd permit it, to be 

sure ; but I prefer you to approach yourself, 

though, so that he won't take you for a nonentity. 

{rejoins Sagaristio, beckoning Dordalus to follow) 

489 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Dor. Satis recte mones. 

hospes^ volo ego banc percontari. 
>ag, A teiTa ad caelum, quid lubet. 

Dor. lube dum earn boc accedat ad me. 
kig. I sane ac morem ilU gere. 

percontare, exquire quid vis. 
"ox. Age, age nunc tu, in proelium 

vide ut ingrediare auspicato. 
^ir. Liquidumst auspicium, tace. 

cui'abo ut praedati pulcbre ad castra convertamini. 
o.r. Concede istuc, ego illam adducam. 
hr. Age, ut rem esse in nostram putas. 

'ox. Ebodum liuc, virgo. vide sis quid agas. 
ir. Taceas, curabo ut voles. QIQ 

o.v. Sequei'e me. adduce banc, si quid vis ex bac 

percontarier. 
or. Enim volo te adesse. 

AT. Hau possum quin buic operam dem bospiti, 

quoi erus iussit. quid si bic non volt me adesse 
una? 
g. Immo i modo. 

».r. Do tibi ego operam. 

ur. Tibi ibidem das, ubi tu tuom amicum adiuvas. 

X. Exquire. beus tu, advigila. 
490 



THE PERSIAN 

That's rather sound advice, {going part way, Ihen 

calling to Sagaristio, importantly) Stranger, I want 

to question this girl. 

Anything you like, from earth to heaven. 

Just bid her step over here to me. 

{to girl) Go, by all means, and humour him. {to 

Dordalus) Question lier, make any inquiries you 

see fit. 

{aside to her) At him now, at him ! See you enter 

the fray under happy auspices ! 

{aside to him) The auspices are bright, hush ! I'll 

look out that you return to camp well laden with 

loot. 

{aside to Dordalus) Step back there, {pointing) I'll 

bring her to you. 

{aside to Toxilus) Go on, do as you think best for 

us. {steps hack) 

Hey, there, young lady, come here, will you ' 

{aside to her) Do please mind what you are about 

now ! 

{aside to him) Keep still, I'll see to it as you 

wish. 

{aloud) Follow me. {they go to Dordalus) Here 

she is, if you wish to ask her any questions. 

{withdraws) 

{calling) But I want you with me. 

I must observe the wishes of our guest here, as 

master ordered. What if he objects to my being 

with you ? {looks questioningly at Sagaristio) 

Oh no, join him, by all means. 

{^returning to Dordalus) I am at your service. 

{gratefully) And you do yourself a service, as well, 

in assisting a friend. 

Make your inquiries, (to girl, with a sly wink) I 

say, you, look alive ! 

491 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Satis est dictum : quamquam ego serva sum, 
scio ego officium meum^ ut quae rogiter vera, ut 

accepi, eloquar. 
Virgo, hie homo probus est. 
Credo, 

Non diu apud hunc servies. 
Ita pol spero, si parentes facient officium suom. 
Nolo ego te mirari, si nos ex te percontabimur 
aut patriam tuam aut parentes. 

Quor ego id mirer, mi homo ? 620 
servitus mea mi interdixit, ne quid mirer meum 

malum. 
Noli flei-e. 

Ah, di istam perdant, ita catast et callida. 
ut sapiens habet cor, quam dicit quod opust ! 

Quid nomen tibist? 
Nunc metuo ne peccet. 

Lucridi nomen in patria fuit. 
Nomen atque omen quantivis iam est preti. quin 

tu hanc emis ? 
nimis pavebam, ne peccaret. expedivit. 

Si te emani, 
mihi quoque Lucridem confido fore te. 

Tu si hanc emeris, 
numquam hercle hunc mensem vortentem, credo, 

servibit tibi. 
Ita velim quidem hercle. 

Optata ut evenant, operam addito. 
nihil adhuc peccavit etiam. 

Vbi tu nata es ? 

492 



THE PERSIAN 

{on the verge of tears) Youhave said enough. Slave 

though I am, I have a sense of . . . duty and 

shall tell the truth, as I have . . . heard it, in 

answer to what is asked me. 

Young lady, this {indicating Dordalus) is a man of 

honour. 

So I . . . trust. 

You won't be his slave for long. 

Indeed I hope not, if my , . . {choking) parents 

do their duty. 

Don't be surprised if we question you about your 

country or your parents. 

Ah, why should I be, my dear sir? My . . . 

servitude has forbidden my . . . being surprised 

at any . . . misfortune that befalls me. 

{patting her shoulder) Don't cry ! 

{aside, elated) Oh, but she's a sly, shrewd piece, 

blast her ! She's keen-witted all right, she knows 

how to say the proper thing ! 

What is your name ? 

{aside) Now I'm afraid she'll make a slip. 

In my own . . . country my name was . . . 

Lucris. 

There now ! That's a name and omen worth any 

price ! Why don't you buy her ? {aside) I was 

awfully scared she'd make a slip ! She got out 

of it. 

If I buy you, I count on your being Lucris for me, 

too. 

If you do buy her, by Jove, I warrant she'll never 

stay your slave for one revolving moon. 

Gad ! Precisely what I want I 

" The work that we do makes our wishes come 

true." {aside) No slip yet, not one I 

Where were you born ? 

493 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Vt mihi 
mater dixit, in culina, in angulo ad laevam 

manum. 
Haec erit tibi fausta meretrix : natast in calido 

loco, 
ubi rerum omnium bonarum copiast saepissume. 
tactust leno ; qui rogaret, ubi nata esset diceret, 
lepide lusit. 

At ego patriam te rogo quae sit tua. 
Quae mihi sit, nisi haec ubi nunc sum? 

At ego illam quaero quae fuit. 
Omne ego pro nihilo esse duco quod fuit, quando 

fuit : 
tamquam hominem, quando animara ecflavit, quid 

eum quaeras qui fuit ? 
Ita me di bene anient, sapienter. atque equidem 

miseret tamen, 
sed tamen, virgo, quae patriast tua, age mi 

actutum expedi. 
quid taces? 

Dico equidem : quando hie servio, haec 
patriast mea. 
lam de istoc rogare omitte (non vides nolle 

eloqui ?) 
ne suarum se miseriarum in inemoriam inducas. 

Quid est? 
captusne est pater ? 

Non captus, sed quod habuit perdidit. 
Haec erit bono genere nata : nil scit nisi verum 

loqui. 
Quis fuit ? die nomen. 

Quid ilium miserum memorem qui fuit? 
nunc et ilium miserum et me miseram aequom est 
nominarier. 



494 



THE PERSIAN 

<gh. (innocenUij) In the . . . kitclien, so my mother 
. . . told me, in the . . . left-hand corner. 
{checking a snicker) Ah, she'll be a lucky wench for 
you — born in a warm spot where there's generally 
no end of all sorts of goodies ! {aside) That's one 
for the pimp ! Asks her where she was born, and 
gets so finely fooled ! 
But I'm asking you what your country is. 

igh. What should it . . . be, if not the . . . one I'm 
in now ? 
But I want to know what it used to be. 

igh. Everything that . . . used to be is the same as 
. . . nothing to me, now that it is . . . no more. 
Like a . . . man -who has , . . breathed his last, 
why ask him who he . . . used to be ? {is shaken 
with sobs) 

{to Dordalus, imich stirred) Lord love me, how she 
philosophizes ! Upon my soul, I do pity her, 
though ! {to girl) But come, though, young lady, 
inform me at once what your country is. {after 
a pause) Why this silence? 

Igh. Indeed I am . . . telling you — since I am in . . . 
slavery here, this is my . . . country. 

!. {to Dordalus) Well, ask her no more about that now 
— don't you see she's unwilling to speak out ? You 
shouldn't renew the memory of her misfortunes. 
Tell me this. Is your father a captive ? 

Igh. Not a captive, but what he had he has . . . lost. 
{to Dordalus) She certainly comes of a noble 
family. She knows how to speak nothing but 
the truth. 
Who was he ? Tell me his name. 

Igh. Ah, why should I . . . recall who he . . . was, 
the . . . poor, poor man .^ Now the fitting name 
for us both is {tragically) . . . poor . . . poor ! 

495 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Quoius modi is suo in populo habitust? 

Nemo quisquam acceptior : 
servi liberique amabant. 

Hominem miserum praedicas, 
quom et ipsus prorsus perditust et benevolentis 

perdidit. 65C 

Emam, opinor. 

Etiam opinor ? summo genere esse arbitror ; 
divitias tu ex istac facies. 

Ita di faxint. 

Erne modo. 
lam hoc tibi dico : ^ actutum ecastor meus pater, 

ubi me sciet 
veniissej ipse aderit et me abs te redimet. 

Quid nunc? 
Quid est ? 
Audin quid ait ? 

Nam etsi res sunt fractae, amici sunt tamen. 
Ne sis plora ; libera eris actutum, si crebro cades. 
vin mea esse ? 

Dum quidem ne nimis diu tua sim, volo. 
Satin ut meminit libertatis ? dabit haec tibi grandis 

bolos. 
age si quid agis. ego ad hunc redeo. sequere. 

redduco banc tibi. 
Adulescens, vin vendere istanc ? 

Magis libet quam perdere. 66C 
Turn tu pauca in verba confer : qui datur, tanti 
indica. 

^ Leo brackets following iam. 
496 



THE PERSIAN 

How did he stand amongst his own fellow 
countrymen ? 

No one at all made himself more . . . welcome — 
the friend of . . . slaves and citizens alike. 
A poor, poor man, indeed, to be so utterly lost 
himself, and to have lost those that loved him ! 
{to Toxilm) I'll buy her, I think. 
Still " think " ? Why, she must come of a most 
distinguished family ! You'll make your fortune 
out of her ! 
God grant I may ! 
Only buy her. 

I tell you . . . this now : when my . . . father 
learns that I've been . . . sold, he'll be here him- 
self . . . shortly, yes indeed, very . . . shortly, 
and buy me back from you. 
{to Dordalus) What now ? 
What is it ? 

You hear what she says ? 

For no matter if his . . . fortune is wrecked, he 
still has . . . friends, {breaks down entirely) 
There, there, don't weep ! You'll be free very 
shortly, if you have a lot of lovers, {petting her) 
Do you want to belong to me ? 
Yes, if only I . . . don't belong to you too . . . 
long, I am willing. 

{to Dordalus, jubilantly) See how she treasures the 
memory of her freedom ? Oh, she'll bring you 
tremendous hauls ! Act, if you intend to act ! 
I'll rejoin {indicating Sagaristio) this gentleman. 
{to girl) Come along, {they all approach Sagaristio) 
Here she is again, sir. 

{to Sagaristio) D'ye want to sell that girl, sir? 
Rather that than throw her away. 
To the point, then, briefly I State the price you'll 
take for her. 

497 
voi,. m. K K 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Faciam ita lit te velle video, ut eraas. habe 

centum minis. 
Nimiumst. 

Octoginta. 

Nimiumst. 

Nummus abesse hinc non potest, 
quod nunc dicam. 

Quid id est ergo ? eloquere actutum atque indica. 
Tuo periclo sexaginta liaec dabitur argenti minis. 
Toxile, quid ago? 

Di deaeque te agitant irati, scelus, 
qui banc non properes destinare. 
Habeto. 

Eu, praedatu's probe, 
non edepol minis trecentis carast. fecisti lucri. 
Heus tu, etiam pro vestimentis hue decern ac- 

cedent minae. 
Abscedent enim, non accedent. 

Tace sis, non tu ilium vides 67( 
quaerere ansam, infectum ut faciat ? abin atque 
argentum petis .'' ^ 

atque ut dignust per it. 
Heus tu serva istum. 

Quin tu is intro } 

Abeo atque argentum affero. 

^ Leo notes lacuna following: P omits v. 671'"'. 
498 



THE PERSIAN 

(graciously) I'll do as I see you desire, and let you 

buy her. She's yours for four hundred pounds. 

{decidedly) Too much. 

Three hundred and twenty. 

Too much. 

{firmly) Not one penny can be abated from the 

price I shall now set. {pauses) 

{eagerly) What is it, then ? Out with it, quick ! 

State it! 

You may have her, at your own risk, for two 

hundred and forty pounds. 

{aside to To.rilus) Toxilus, what do you say? 

{indignantly) I say all the powers above are after 

you in ire, you criminal, for not pushing this 

purchase through ! 

{to Sagaristio, hastily) Done I 

{aside to Dordalus) Glorious ! A perfect prize ! 

Lord, man, she's cheap at twelve hundred pounds. 

This is a lucrative day for you ! 

I say, you I It'll be forty pounds for her clothes, 

in addition. 

{wrath fully) In subtraction, you mean, not in 

addition ! 

{aside to Dordalus, viotioning Sagaristio not to press 

the point) Oh, do shut up ! Don't you see he's 

looking for a handle to undo what's done ? Go 

along won't you, and get the money ? ... and 

{iiside) goes to blazes as he deserves. 

{to Toxilus excitedly) I say, keep watch of him, you ! 

And you — why don't you go in ? 

Yes, I'll be off and bring the money. 

[exit into his house. 

499 

K K 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 



Edepol dedisti, virgo, operam adlaudabilem, 
probam et sapientem et sobriam. 

Si quid bonis 
boni fit, esse id et grave et gratum solet. 
Audin tu, Persa? ubi argentum ab hoc acceperis, 
simulato, quasi eas prorsum in navem. 

Ne doce. 
Per angiportum rarsum te ad me recipito 
iliac per hortum. 

Quod futurum est praedicas. 
At ne cum argento protinam permittas domum, 680 
moneo, te. 

Quod te dignumstj me dignum esse vis ? 
Tace, parce voci : praeda progreditur foras. 



Probae hie argenti sunt sexaginta minae, 
duobus nummis minus est. 

Quid ei nummi sciunt? 
Cruminam hanc emere aut facere uti remigret 

domum. 
Ne non sat esses leno, id metuebas miser, 
impure, avare, ne crumillam amitteres ? 
Sine quaeso. quando lenost, nil mirum facit. 
Lucro faciundo ego auspicavi in hunc diem : 
nil mihi tarn parvist, quin me id pigeat perdere. 690 
age, accipe hoc sis. 
500 



THE PERSIAN 

Scene 5. 

Tax. {in high feather) By the Lord, youtig lady, you've 

done a praiseworthsome job, a fine, sound, serious- 
minded job I 
Daug/i. Any good turn you do good people is generally 

valued and appreciated. 
7W. (to Sagfo-istio) Persian ! Are you listening ? Once 

you have the money from him, pretend to go 

straight to your £hip. 
Sag. (blithely) No instructions needed. 
Tox. Come back again to my house by the alley, and 

enter through the garden there. 
Sag. You're foretelling the future. 
Tox. But don't take the money and forthwith foot it 

home, I warn you ! 
Sag. {vehemently) D'ye take me for a man who'd do 

what's worthy of yourself? 
Tox. {watching Dordalus's house) Hush! Spare your 

lungs ! Out comes our loot ! 

Scene 6. re-enter Dordalus. 

Dor. {shonnng a purse) Here's good honest coin, two 

hundred and forty pounds — less four shillings. 
Sag. Less four shillings? How's that? 
Dor. To pay for this purse, or ensure its coming home 

again. 
Sag. (conteinptiiousli/) Must prove yourself a full-blown 

pimp, eh? Afraid you'll lose that beggarly purse, 

are you, you poor, dirty, rapacious rascal ? 
Tox. Oh well, let it pass. Seeing he is a pimp, it's 

nothing extraordinary. 
Dor. This was to be a lucrative day for me, according 

to the auspices ; no sum looks so small to me but 

that I'm loth to lose it. Come on, kindly take 

this cash. 

501 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Hunc in collunij nisi piget, 
impone. 

Vero fiat. 

Numquid ceterum 
me voltis ? 

Quid tarn properas ? 

Ita negotiumst : 
mandatae quae sunt, volo deferre epistulas ; 
geminum autem fratrem servire audivi hie meum, 
eum ego ut requiram atque uti redimam volo. 
Atque edepol tu me commonuisti hau male, 
videor vidisse hie forma persimilem tui, 
eadem statura. 

Quippe qui fvatei* siet. 
Quid est tibi nomen ? 

Quid 1 ad te attinet? 700 
Quid attinet non scire ? 

Ausculta ergo, ut scias : 
Vaniloquidorus Virginesvendonides 
Nugiepiloquides Argentumexterebronides ^ 
Quodsemelarripides Numquameripides. em tibi. 
Eu hercle, nomen multimodis scriptumst tuom. 
Ita sunt Persarum mores, longa nomina, 
contortiplicata habemus. numquid ceterum 
voltis ? 

Vale. 

Et vos, nam animus iam in navist meus. 
Cras ires potius, hodie hie cenares. 

Vale. 710 

^ quid Brix : quod MSS. : Leo notes lacuna here, 

* Leo brackets following v. 704 : 
Tedigmloquides Nugides Palponidcs 
502 



I 



THE PERSIAN 

[bending forward) Here ! Hang it around my 

neck, unless you're loth to do that, too. 

(obeying) All right. There you are. 

{turning to go) Nothing else you want of me ? 

What's your hurry, sir? 

Business. I wish to deliver some letters entrusted 

to me. Then again, I have heard that my twin 

brother is a slave here, and I want to find him 

and set him free. 

(cogitating) Now by Jove, sir, that's not a bad hint 

you gave me. I seem to have seen someone here 

that looks very like you, just about the same 

height. 

My brother, most likely ! 

What is your name, sir ? 

What does it matter to you ? 

(somewhat suspiciously) What does it matter not to 

know ? 

Listen then, and I'll tell you : Gabblealotadori 

Girlsellerinsky Slushjabberotikin Cashsqueezerout- 

ski ^ Whatyouoncehavegrabbedstein Neverletem- 

getberg. There you are ! 

W^ell ! Well ! Upon my soul, your name takes 

a lot of writing. 

Oh, it is our Persian custom to have long names, 

somewhat contorplicated. Anything else you two 

wish ? 

Fare you well I 

(going) And you — (apologetically) the fact is, my 

mind is on board my ship already. 

You ought to go to-morrow instead, and dine 

here to-day. 

(shaki}ig his head) Farewell ! [exit. 

^ V. 704, Talkthatservesyourightikin Nonsensikoff 
Oilyferouski. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Postquam illic hinc abiit, dicere hie quidvis licet, 
lie hie tibi dies inluxit lucrifieabilis, 
nam non emisti hanc, verum fecisti lueri. 
Ille quidem iam seit, quid negoti gesserit, 
qui mihi furtivam meo periclo vendidit, 
argentum aeeepit, abiit. qui ego nunc seio^ 
an iam adseratur haec manu? quo ilium sequar? 
in Persas? nugas. 

Credidi gratum fore 
benefieium meum apud te. 

Immo equidem gratiam 
tibi, Toxilcj habeo ; nam te sensi sedulo 
mihi dare bonam operam. 

Tibine ego? immo sedulo. 
Attat, oblitus sum intus dudum edicere 
quae volui edieta. adserva hane. 

Salvast haec quidem. 
Pater nunc cessat. 

Quid si admoneam ? 

Tempus est. 
Heus, Saturio, exi. nunc est ilia occasio 
inimieum ulcisei. 

Ecce me. numquid moror ? 
Age, illuc abscede proeul e eonspeetu, taee ; 
ubi cum lenone me videbis eonloqui, 
turn turbam facito. 



THE PERSIAN 

ceiie 7. 

''o.r. [rapturously) Now that he's gone, we can say what 
we like. I tell you what, this was a lucriferous 
day that dawned for you ! Why, she's no pur- 
chase — she's plain lucre ! 

)or. {grimly looking down the street ajlter Sagaristio) That 
fellow certainly knows his business all right — sold 
me a stolen girl at my own risk, collared the cash, 
cleared out ! Now how do I know whether she 
won't soon be claimed as free ? Where shall I 
follow him ? To Persia ! Bosh ! 

Vr. {wounded) I trusted you would be grateful for my 
kindness. 

}or. [repentant) Yes, yes, of course I'm grateful, Toxi- 
lus. Oh yes, I observed your earnest endeavours 
to help me. 

^o.r. [forgetting himself) I help you ? [hastily) Yes, 
yes, earnest indeed ! 

lor. [with a start) There now ! I forgot to give some 
necessary orders inside a moment ago. Keep an 
eye on her ! [exit into his house. 

^o.r. She's safe, all right. 

laugh, [anxiously) Father's loitering now. 
What if I remind him } 
It's time. 

[calling at his door) Hey, Saturio ! Come out 
here ! Now's the chance to take vengeance on 
your enemy. 

ENTER Saturio, wiping his mouth. 

Here I am ! I'm not delaying you, am I .'' 

All right now, get over there [pointing) at some 

distance out of sight, and keep quiet. When you 

see me conversing with the pimp, then raise a 

riot. 

505 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

'^at. Dictum sapienti sat est. 

Fox. Tunc, quando abiero — 

W. Quin taces ? scio quid velis. 730 

'. [V. 8. 

'^or. Transcidi loris omnis adveniens domi, 

ita mihi supellex squalet atque aedes meae. 

Fox. Redis tu tandem ? 
,Oor. Redeo. 

■ irox. Ne ego liodie tibi 

' bona multa feci. 

'Dor. Fateoi-j habeo gratiam. 

iTox. Num quippiam aliud me vis ? 
Dor. Vt bene sit tibi. 

Fox. Pol istuc quidem omen iam ego usurpabo domi, 

[ nam iam inclinabo me cum liberta tua. 

'•V. 9. 

I int. Nisi ego ilium hominem pevdo, perii. atque 

optume 

cecum ipsum ante aedes. 
7/-. Salve multum, mi pater. 

jat. Salve, mea gnata. 

Oor, JLi, Persa me pessum dedit. 740 

I 7r. Pater hie meus est, 
')or. Hem, quid ? pater? perii oppido. 

quid ego igitur cesso infelix lamentarier 

minas sexaginta ? 

506 



THE PERSIAN 

A word to the -wise is sufficient. - 

Tlien when I've left 

Hold youi* tongue, can't you ? I know what you 
want, (jvithdran's) 

ne 8. RE-E\TKR Dorddliis. 

(virtuouslij) I gave 'em all a good sound belarrup- 

ing when I got in there ; my furniture and house 

are perfectly filthy. 

Back finally, are you ? 

Back I am. 

I certainly have brought you a big harvest 

this day. 

I acknowledge it, gratefully. 

Nothing else at all you want of me .'^ 

Only that you enjoy yourself. 

{turning to go) By Jove, that's an omen I'll now 

take advantage of at home, this instant, for I'll 

now proceed to stretch out alongside your 

freed woman. [exit. 

ne 9. ENTER Salurio with a roar. 

Damn my soul, if I don't destroy that man ! 

{seeing Dordalus) Aha ! Splendid ! There he is 

in front of the house ! 
■igh. {rushing up to him) Oh, God bless you, father dear ! 

{emhracing her) And you, my daughter ! 

{aside) Oh-h-h ! That Persian has sent me to 

perdition ! 
'igh. {to Dordalus) Here is my father. 

(affecting surprise) Eh ? What ? Your father ? 

{aside) Oh, this is dreadful, dreadful ! {aloud, 

trying to placate the raging Saiurio) I'd better lose no 

time, then, wretch that I am, in {smiling dolefully) 

mourning my two hundred and forty pounds. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Sat. Ego pol te faciam, seel us, 

te quoque etiam ipsum ut lamenteris. 

Dor. Occidi. 

Sal. Age ambula in ius, leno. 

Dor. Quid me in ius vocas ? 

Sat. Illi apud pi-aetorem dicam. sed ego in ius voco. 

Dor. Nonne antestaris ? 

Sat. Tuau ego causa, earnufex, 

cuiquam mortali libero aui'is atteram, 
qui hie commercaris civis homines liberos ? 

Dor. Sine dicam. 

Sat. Nolo. 

Do?: Audi. 

Sat. Surdus sum. ambula. 

sequere hac, sceleste, feles virginaria. 
sequere hac, mea gnata, me usque ad praetoreni. 

f ir. Sequor. 

ACTVS V 

Hostibus victisj civibus salvis, re placida, pacibus 

perfectis, 
bello exstincto, re bene gesta, integro exercitu et 

praesidiis, 
cum bene nos, luppiter, iuvisti, dique alii omnes 

caelipotentes, 
eas vobis habeo grates atque ago, quia probe sum 

ultus meum inimicum. 
nunc ob cam rem inter participes didam praedam 

et participabo. 
508 



THE PERSIAN 

{leaping al him) By tlie Lord, I'll make you, you 

villain, I'll make you mourn youi-self as well ! 

{nijf's him about) 

Oh dear, oh dear ! 

Come, step along to court, pimp ! 

{innocently) What are you summoning me to court 

for ? 

I'll tell you there, before the praetor. But I am 

summoning you to court, {yanks him along) 

You'll call a witness, won't you ? 

Shall I go rubbing the ear ^ of any living freeman 

for vour sake, you gallowsbird, who trade here in 

freeborn citizens ? {shakes him violently) 

{agonized) Let me speak ! 

Not I. 

Listen ! 

I am deaf Step along! Come this way, you 

criminal, you maiden-mouser. Come this way, 

daughter dear, come right to the praetor with me. 

I am coming. [exeunt. 

ACT V 

ENTER Toxilus, VERY BUMPTIOUS. 

Now that our foes are vanquished and our citizens 
safe, our state tranquil, peace assured, and the war 
brought to a triumpliant termination, with our 
army and garrisons intact, I do thank thee, 
Jupiter, for thy kindly aid, and to all the other 
denizens of heaven do I offer thanks for that I 
have wreaked such glorious vengeance on mine 
enemy. Wherefore I shall let my partisans partake 
of the plunder and share the spoils, {calling at his 
door) Out with ye ! 

^ A witness was summoned by touching his ear. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

ite foras : hie volo ante ostium et ianuam 

meos participes bene accipere. 
statuite hie lectiilos, ponite hie quae adsolent. 
hie statui volo primum ^ aliqua mihi^ 
unde ego omnis hilaros, ludentis, laetificantis 

faciam ut fiant, 
quorum opera mihi faciHa facta facta haec sunt, 

quae vohii effieri. 
nam improbus est homo qui benefieium scit acci- 
pere et reddere neseit. 
Lenin. Toxile mi, cur ego sine te sum, eur tu autem sine 

me es? 
Tox. Agedum ergo, 

accede ad me atque amplectere sis. 
Lonn. Ego vero. 

Tox. Oh, nihil hoc magis duleest. 

sed, amabo, oculus meus, quin lectis nos actutum 
commendamus ? 
Lemn. Omnia quae tu vis, ea cupio. 
Tax. Mutua fiunt a me. age, age ergo, 

tu Sagaristio, accumbe in summo. 
Sag. Ego nil moror : cedo parem, quem pepigi. 

Tox. Temperi. 

Sag. Mi istue temperi serost. 

Tox. Hoc age, accumbe. hunc diem suavem 

meum natalem agitemus amoenum. date aquam 
manibus, apponite mensam. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : aulam Lindsay. 



THE PERSIAN 

ENTER Paegniiim and other slaves. 
Here, before our very door and entrance would 
I give handsome entertainment to my partisans. 
Here place the couches, here put whatever is our 
wont. First of all, I wish something set before 
me here which will enable me to enliven with 
gaiety, jollity, and joy the hearts of all those by 
whose efficiency the things I wanted to effect were 
easily effected. For 'tis a worthless man who 
knows how to receive a kindness, but knows not 
how to pay it back. , 

exeunt slaves, re-entering with couches and 
other appurtenances for a banquet. 

ENTER Lemniselenis into doorway, followed by 

Sagarislio. 
{fondlij) Toxilus darling, why am I not with you, 
ah yes, and why are you not with me ? 
{rapturous) Come, then, come to me, clasp me in 
your arms, do, do ! 
{embracing him) Indeed I will ! 
Ah, nothing is sweeter than this ! {an ecstatic 
interval) But come, my love, my treasure, why not 
commit us to the couches forthwith ? 
All your desires are mine, deal*. 
And mine are yours ! {another interval) Here, 
Sagaristio, here then, take the head of the table. 
{who has been restlessly observing the osculatioii) I 
don't care about that : but produce the partner I 
contracted for. 
In due season. 

Your " due season " is too late for me. 
{pulling him down on the couch) To business I Take 
your place ! Let's make this delectable day a 
beautiful birthday of mine ! {to slaves) Water for 
our hands, boys, and bring up a table ! {pidtitig a 

5ii 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

do banc tibi floi'entem florenti. tu bic eiis 
dictatrix nobis. 
Lemn. A^e, puere, ab summo septenis cyatbis committe 

bos ludos. 
Tax. Move maniis^ propera, Paegnium, tarde cyatbos 
mibi das, cedo sane, 
bene mibi, bene vobis, bene meae amicae, optatus 

bic mibi dies datus bodiest 
ab dis, quia te beet Hberam med amplecti. 
Lemn. Tua factum opera. 

Tox. Bene omnibus nobis, boc mea manus tuae poclum 
donat, ut amantem 
amanti decet. 
Lemn, Cedo. 

Tox. Accipe Bene ei qui invidet mi et ei qui 

I boc gaudet. 



Qui sunt, ^ ubi ubi sunt, qui fuerunt quique futuri 

sunt postliac, 
sobis ego omnibus antideo facile, miserrimus 

bominum ut vivam. 
perii, interii. pessimus bic mi dies bodie inluxit 

corruptor, 
ita me Toxilus perfabricavit itaque meam rem 

divexavit. 
vebiclum argenti miser eieoi,^ neque quam ob rem 

eieci, babeo. 
qui iHum Persam atque omnis Persas atque etiam 

omnis personas 
male di omnes perdant, ita misero Toxilus baec 

mibi concivit. 

^ ubi uM sunt, qui Leo, following others : qui erunt 
quique MSS. 

* Leo brackets following amisi. 

512 



THE PERSIAN 

garland on Lemnisefenis' s head) Flowers for a flower, 

my love ! You shall be our dictatress here. 

{to Paegnium, g(tyly) Come, boy, get the game 

agoing with half pints all around, {with a smile at 

Sagaristio) head of the table first. (Paegnium /ills 

the goblets) 

Move your hands, Paegnium, look alive ! You're 

slow giving me mine ! Here you are, give it to 

me I (lifts the filled goblet) To my health, to your 

health, and to the health of my mistress — the 

gods have given me this day of my heart's desire, 

(embracing Lemniselenis) this day when I can clasp 

you to my breast, a free girl ! 

(snuggling closer) And it's all your doing ! 

To the health of us all ! (puts the goblet to his 

lips, then sentimentally to Lemniselenis) And now 

this goblet passes from my hand to yours, as 

befits two sweethearts ! 

Let me have it. 

Take it ! (Lemniselenis drinks) To the health of 

him who envies me, and of him who rejoices with 

me ! {(ill drink liberally) 

I. ENTER DordaluS FUNEREALLY. 

{not seeing them) Of all mortal men that live, live 
anywhere, and ever lived, and will live hereafter, 
I'm easily the one and only leader of 'em all in 
utter misery I I'm ruined, absolutely ruined ! 
Such a rotten, disastrous day as dawned for me 
this day, with the way Toxilus circumvented me 
and made shreds of my capital I I've thrown away 
a cartload of money, poor fool, and not a thing 
to show for it ! May all the gods confound and 
blast that Persian and every other Persian, yes, 
and every other person, too, with Toxilus be- 

513 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

quia ei fidem non habui argenti, eo mihi eas 

machinas molitust : 
quern pol ego ut non in cruciatum atque in 

comj)edis eogam, si vivam, 
siquidem hue umquam erus redierit eius, quod 

spero — sed quid ego aspicio ? 
hoc vide, quae haec fabulast? hie quideni pol 

potant. adgrediar. o bone vir, 
sal veto, et tu, bona liberta. 

Dordalus hie quidemst. 

Quin iube adire. 
Adi, si libet. 

Agite, adplaudamus. 

Dordale, homo lepidissume, salve, 
locus hie tuos est, hie accumbe. ferte aquam 

pedibus. praeben tu puere ? 
Ne sis me uno digito attigeris, ne te ad terram, 

scelus, adfligam. 
At tibi ego hoc continuo cyatho oculum excutiam ^ 

tuum. 
Quid ais, crux, stimulorum tritor? quo mode me 

hodie versavisti, 
ut me in tricas coniecisti, quo modo de Persa 

manus mi aditast? 

lurgium hinc auferas, si sapias. 
At, bona liberta, haec scivisti et me celavisti ? 

Stultitiast, 
cui bene esse licet, eum praevorti litibus. posterius 

istaec te 
magis par agerest. 

^ Cornipt (Leo). 

5U 



THE PERSIAN 

devilling me so! Just because I didn't trust him 
for the money, that's why he turned this trick on 
me ! Lord, Lord ! Upon my life, if I don't land 
him in torture and shackles, only let his master 
once return, as 1 hope — {sees the pcirfij) but what's 
this I see ? Look at this ! What sort of show is 
this ? They're drinking, upon my soul, and right 
here ! I'll up to them ! (to Toocilus, approaching) 
Aha, my good sir, greetings ! And to you, my 
good freed woman ! 

(tipsily cheerful) Well, well, it's . . . Dordalus ! 
{in a like state) All right, tell him to . . . join us. 
(to Dordalus) Join us, if you . . . like. 
[to the others) Come on, let's . . . give him 
a . . . hand, (riotous applause fiom all) 
Dordalus, you're the . . . nicest man 1 know. 
How are you .^ Here's your place, {points to a 
coHcA) stretch out . . . here, {to slaves) Some . . . 
water for his . . . feet ! (to Paegninni) Hey you, 
boy, are you bringing it ? 

{as Vaegnium comes toward him with a ladle) Mind 
you don't lay a finger on me, or I'll land you flat 
on the ground, you scoundrel ! 
Yes, and I'll promptly poke your eye out with 
this ladle ! 

{to Toxilns) See here, you gallowstree, you 
whip-eradicator ! How about the way you juggled 
me to-day, and got me into hot watei', how about 
the way you worked that Persian game on me ? 
{drinking) Get out of this place with your . . . 
peevishness, if you're . . . wuse. 
{turning on Lemnisclenis) But you, good freed- 
woman, you knew all this and kept it from me .'' 
{sweetly) It's silly to turn to brawling when you 
have a chance to enjoy yourself. Take up those 
matters later on, that's nicer. 

LL 2 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

Vritur cor mi. 

Da illi cantharum, extingue ignem, si 
cor uritur, caput ne ardescat. 
Liidos me facitis, intellego. 
Vin cinaedum novom tibi dari, Paegnium ? 
quin eludcj ut soles, quando liber locust hie. 
luii, babae, basilice te iiitulisti et facete. 
Decet me facetum esse, et hunc inridere 
lenonem lubidost, quando dignus est. 
Perge ut coeperas. 

Hoc, leno, tibi. 
Perii perculit me prope. 

Em, serva rusum. 
Delude, ut lubet, erus dum hinc abest. 
Viden ut tuis dictis pareo ? 
sed quin tu meis contra item dictis servis 
atque hoc, quod tibi suadeo, facis ? 

Quid est id? 
Restim tu tibi cape crassam ac suspende te. 
Cave sis me attigas, ne tibi hoc scipione 
malum magnum dem. 

Vtere, te condono. 
lam iam, Paegnium, da pausam. 
Ego pol vos eradicabo. 
5^6 



THE PERSIAN 

(furious) Ugh ! My heart's blazing. 

[ton slave, iiii crest edbf) Give him the . . . tankard. 

{to Dordalus) Put out the . . . fire, if your heart's 

blazing, so as to keep your . . . head from 

catching. 

You're all making game of me, I understand that ! 

Paegnium, d'ye want a present of a new . . . 

playmate ? (Jndicatifig Dordahis) Go on and . . . 

amuse yourself as usual. Here's a . . . free 

field. {as Paegnium ?vantons up to Dordalvs) 

Um-m-m ? La-de-da ! That's a . . . royal little 

. . . movement, so . . . frisky ! 

And so I should be, and I just love to play with 

this pimp, seeing he deserves it. 

Keep it up, keep it up ! 

{pretending to he about to caress Dordalus) Here's 

a present, pimp, {delivers a quick punch) 

Ouch, blast it ! He almost bowled me over ! 

Look out ! There you are again I {repeats the 

hhw) 

{shaking his fist) Have your sport, as you like, while 

your master's away ! 

{slipping in another punch) See how I obey your 

instructions ? IJut why don't you reciprocate and 

follow my instructions, too, and do what I 

recommend ? 

And what is that? 

(let yourself a fine thick rope and hang yourself. 

{advances on him agaifi) 

You kindly keep your hands off of me, or Til give 

you a good sound thrashing with this cane I 

Go ahead, I give you leave, {darts in, delivers 

another hlon^ and dodges hack) 

There, there now, Paegnium, call a . . . halt. 

By heaven. Til exterminate the lot of you ! 

517 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

At te ille, qui supra nos habitat, 
qui tibi male volt maleque faciet. iion hi dicunt, 

verum ego. 82 

Age^ circumfer mulsum^ bibere da usque plenis 

cantharis. 
iaui diu factum est^ postquam bibimus ; nimis diu 

sicci sumus. 
Di faciant ut id bibatis quod vos numquam 

transeat. 
Nequeo, leno, quin tibi saltem staticulum, olim 

quem Hegea 
faciebat. vide vero, si tibi satis placet. 

Me quoque volo 
reddere, Diodorus quem olim faciebat in Ionia. 
Malum ego vobis dabo, ni abitis. 

Etiam muttis, impudens ? 
iam ego tibi, si me inritassis, Persam adducam 

denuo. 
^ Atque tu Persa es, qui me usque admutilavisti ad 

cutem. 
Tace, stulte : hie eius geminust frater. 
Hicinest ? 

Ac geminissumus. 83< 
Di deaeque et te et geminum fratrem excrucient. 

Qui te perdidit : 
nam ego nil merui. 

At enim quod ille meruit, tibi id obsit volo. 
Agite sultis, hunc ludificemus. 

^ Leo brackets preceding iavi taceo herclc. 
Si8 



THE PERSIAN 

But that'll be your own end, at the hands of Him 

who dwells above us and hates you and will show 

his hate. It's not these folks that say so ; it's I, I. 

{conirives in give Dordalus a kick) 

{to Paeguium) Come, pass around the wine and 

honey, keep us supplied with . . . drink, full 

tankards. It's a . . . long time since we drank. 

We've been . . . dry an awful long while. 

{glaring at them as they imbibe) I wish to heaven that 

what you drink would never pass through you ! 

{rising unsteadily) Pimp, I can't refrain from . . . 

dancing for you tliat . . . lovely little dance that 

Hegea used to render, {prances about Dordalus, 

making occasional passes at hiin) Do see now, if it 

isn't rather . . . winsome. 

{rising) Yes, and I want to show you the dance 

Diodorus used to . . . render in Ionia {Joins 

Sagaristio) 

{backing away with upraised cane) I'll brain both of 

you, unless you get out ! 

Still grumbling, brassface ? If you . . . irritate 

me, I'll soon be bringing on that . . . Persian 

again. 

{scanning him sharply) Aha ! You're that Persian 

who shore me right down to the quick ! 

Shut up . . . idiot ! He's his . . . twin brother. 

He is, eh ? 

And such a . . . twinny twin ! 

May all the powers above consume and rot you 

and your twin brother, both I 

Rot the man that . . . ruined you. I haven't 

done anything, of . . . course. 

Well, but I want you paid out for what he did ! 

{drawing (he guests and slaves aside) Come along, 

please do let's have some . . . fun with him. 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

emn. Nisi si dignust, non opust. 

et me hand par est. 
^ox. Credo eo, quia non inconciliavit, cum te emo. 

.emn. At tamen non — tamen — 

^ox. Cave ergo sis malo, et sequere me. 

te mihi dicto audientem esse addecet, nam hercle 

absque me 
foret et meo praesidio, hie faceret te prostibilem 

propediem. 
sed ita pars libertinorum est : nisi patrono qui 

adversatust, 
nee satis liber sibi videtur nee satis frugi nee sat 

honestus, 
ni id effecitj ni ei male dixit, ni grato ingratus 
repertust. 
emn. Pol bene facta tua me hortantur, tuo ut imperio 

paream. 
o.r. Ego sum tibi patronus plane, qui huic i>ro te 
argentum dcdi. 
1 graphice hunc vole ludificari. 
^emn. Meo ego in loco sedulo curabo. 

)or. Certo illi homines mihi nescio quid mali consulunt, 

quod faciant. 
ag. Heus vos. 

'ox. Quid ais ? 

tg. Hicin Dordalus est leno, qui hie liberas 

virgincs mercatur? 
hicinest, qui fuit quondam fortis ? 
*on Quae haec res est ? ei, colapho me icit. 

malum vobis dabo. 
ox. At tibi nos dedimus dabimusque etiam. 

1 Leo notes lacuna here : nunc (vel age) grapJiice 
Mueller. 



520 



THE PERSIAN 

{shaking her head) There's no use in it, unless he 
deserves it. And it's not right for me. 
(ironicalUj) The reason being, I suppose, tliat he 
didn't stand in tlie way of my . . . buying you ! 

But still its not — still 

{growing (ingry) Just you look out for . . . trouble, 
then, and follow me. The proper thing for you 
is to listen to what I . . . say, for by gad, if it 
hadn't been for me and my . . . protection, he'd 
pretty soon have made a common prostitute of 
you. {increaxingly bitter) But this is the way with 
a lot of . . . freed folk : if they don't , . . cross 
their patron, they don't think they're free enough 
or . . . good enough or respectable enough, un- 
less they've done this, unless they've been . . . 
impertinent to him, unless they've proved un- 
grateful to their . . . benefactor ! 
{remorseful) Oh dear ! Your kindnesses do urge 
me to do anything you wish. 

I'm your . . . patron, myself, that's plain; I'm 
the man that paid him the money for you. I want 
some . . . fun with him, some . . . tiptop fun. 
Well, I'll help it along the best I can. 
{keeping an eye on them) That gang's clearly plan- 
ning to do something or other to me. 
{as thcif all advance o?i Dordalus^ I say, you folks. 
What d'ye say .'' 

Is Lhis Dordalus, the . . . pimp, Avho trades here 
in . . . freeborn maidens ? Is this the chap that 
used to be so . . . dauntless .'' 
What do j'ou mean by this? {as Sagaristio cuffs him) 
Oh, ouch ! What a wallop I {raising his cane^ I'll 
fix you people ! 

But we . . . have fixed you, and we'll fix you 
some . . . more ! {they all fall on him zestftilly) 

521 



TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS 

or. Eij natis pervellit. 

'leg. Licet : iam diu saepe sunt expunctae. 

or. Loquere tu etiam, frustum pueri ? 

'-mn. Patrone mi, i intro, amabo, ad cenam. 

or. Mea Ignavia, tu nunc me inrides ? 850 

'??««. Quiane te voco, bene ut tibi sit? 

or. Nolo mihi bene esse. 

'mn. Ne sit. 

IX. Quid igitui'? sescenti nummi quid agunt, quas 

turbas danunt ? 
or. Male disperii, sciunt referre j)robe inimico gra- 

tiam. 
')x. Satis sumpsimus supplici iam. 

or. Fateor, manus vobis do. 

)x. Et post dabis sub furcis. 

\g. Abi intro— in crucem. 
or. An me hie parum exercitum hisce 

habent ? 
xr. Convenisse te Toxilum me ^ 

spectatorcs, bene valete. leno periit. plaudite. 

^ Leo notes lacuna liere : mc{mineris) Camerarius. 
522 



THE PERSIAN 

(«A' Paegidum operates) Oh, oucli ! he's pinching at 

my behind ! 

That's all right. It was often plucked long before 

this. 

{ivrithing) Still chattering, are you, you fragment 

of a boy ? 

{impishly) Patron dear, do go in to dinner, there's 

a darling. 

So you're deriding me now, my lazybones ? 

{plaintively) Just because I invite you to enjoy 

yourself.^ 

(struggUtig) I don't want to enjoy myself I 

{cordially) Then don't. 

{cuffing him contentedly) Well, what do you think .'' 

You see what . . . sixty pounds do, what . . . 

messes they make .'' 

{aside) Oh dear, oh dear ! I'm murdered I They 

do know awfully well how to return an enemy's 

favours ! 

{with a final citjf) We'll call this . . . plenty of 

punishment now. 

{pathetically) 1 admit it ! I hold up my hands ! 

(they let go of him, with partiiig salutes). 

And later you'll . . . hold 'em up on a . . . 

crossbar. 

{hospitably, with a wink at Lemniselenis) Do go along 

in for — {giving him a farewell kick) — crucifixion ! 

{scampering to his door, then turning ruefully to the 

audience) An adequate drilling these fellows gave 

me, eh, what? [exit. 

{calling after him) You'll bear in mind the . . . 

fact that you met . . . me, Toxilus ! {advayicing to 

the front of the stage) Spectators, fare ye . . . well. 

A pimp has . . . perished. Give us your 

applause. [exeunt omnes. 

523 



INDEX OF PROPER NAMES 



The index is limited to names of characters in the plays, and of characters, 
persons, towns, countries and peoples mentioned in the plays. 



Acanthio, Merc. 

Acroteleutium, Mil. 

Aetna, 238 ■ 

Aetoliaii, 420 

Agathocles, 368 

Alexander, 204, 3C8 

Animulas, 190 

Apulia, 190 

Arabia, Arabian, 166, 478, 480 

Argentuniexterebromides, 502 

Artotrogus, Mil. 

Athens, Athenian, 106, 120, 132, 134, 

162, 170, 176, 220, 246, 250, 400, 

436, 482 
Attalus, 462 
Attic, Attica, 70, 94, 132, 170, 292, 

466, 474 

Boeotia, 72 

Bumbomachides Clutomistardysaicbi- 
des, 124 

Callidamates, Most. 
Capitonlbus, 428 
Cappadocia, 128 
Cario, Mil. 
Chalcis, 72, 106 
Charinus, Merc. 
Chrysopolis, 478 
Oilicia, 128 

Clutomistardysarchides, 124 
Cnidus, 72 
Corinth, 72 
Crete, 72 
Curculioniis, 124 
Cyprus, 72, 106 

Delphium, Most. 
Demipho, Merc. 
Diapontius, 340 



Dicea, 168 
Diodoms, 518 
Diphilus, 410 
Dordalus, Persa 
Dorippa, Merc. 

Egypt, Egyptian, 16, 44, 334, 394 
Ephesus, Ephesian, 120, 122, 132, 134, 

162, 166, 170, 190, 204, 226 
Eretria, 72, 460 
Eutychus, Merc. 

Grecian, 6, 58, 132 
Gnunio, Most. 

Hegea, 518 

Ilium, 232 
India, 126 
Ionia, 518 

Laconian, 332 
Latin, 132 
Lemniselenis, Persa 
Lesbos, Lesbian, 72, 258 
Lucrio, Mil. 
Lucris, 492 
Lysimachus, Merc. 

Maccius Titus, 6 
Macedonians, 128 
Megara, 72, 434 
Milphidippa, Mil. 
Misargyrides, Most. 

Naupactus, 120, 134 
Xugides, 502 
Nugiepiloquides, 502 
Numquameripides, 502 



INDEX OF PROPER NAMES 



Paegnium, Persa 
Palaestrio, Mil. 
Palponides, 502 
Pasicompsa, Merc. 
Periplectomenus, Mil. 
Persia, Persian, Persians, 472, 476, 
478, 500, 502, 504, 506, 512, 514, 518 
Phaniscus, Most. 
Phaon, 258 
Philematium, Most. 
Philemon, 6, 410 
Philip, 236, 462 
Philocomasiuni, Mil. 
Philolaches, Most, 
Pinacium, Most. 
Piraeus, 294 
Pleusicles, Mil. 
Pyrgopolynices, Mil. 

Quodsemelarripides, 502 

Ehodes, 6, 12, 30 

Sagaristio, Persa 
Sardians, 128 
Sarsinatis, 368 



Saturio, Persa 
Scapha, Most. 
Sceledrus, Mil. 
Soytholatronia, 128 
Seleucus, 130, 223 
Sicilian, 466 
Sicyon, 72 
Simo, Most. 
Sophoclidisca, Persa 
Stymphalian, 420 
Syra, Merc. 
Syrian, 44 

TedignUoquides, 502 
Theopropides, Most. 
Timarchides, 478 
Titus, 6 
ToxUus, Persa 
Tranio, Most. 

Umbrian, 368 

Vaniloquidorus, 502 
Virginesvendonides, 502 

Zacynthus, Zacynthian, 72, 106 



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AENEAS TACTICUS, ASCLEPIODOTUS AND ONASANDER. 

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(1566). Revised by S. Gaselee. {inti Impression.) 
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PHIAE. Trans, by Rev. H. F. Stewart and E. K. Rand. 
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OVID : HEROIDES AND AMORES. Trans, by Grant Showerman. 

(2nd Impression.) 
OVID: METAMORPHOSES. Trans, by F. J. Miller. 2 Vols. 

(2nd Edition.) 
PETRONIUS. Trans, by M. Heseltine ; SENECA: APOCOLO- 

CYNTOSIS. Trans, by W. H. D. Rouse, (^th Impression.) 
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Hutchinson. 2 Vols. (2nd Impression.) 
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QUINTILIAN. Trans, by H. E. Butler. 4 Vols. 
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T.^CITUS : DIALOGUS. Trans, by Sir Wm. Peterson : and AGRICOLA 

.^ND GERMAN lA. Trans, by Maurice Hutton. (2nd Impression.) 
TERENCE. Trans, by John Sargeaunt. 2 Vols, (yrd Impression.) 
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ACHILLES TATIUS. Trans, by S. Gaselee. 

AESCHINES. Trans, by C. D. Adams. 

AESCHYLUS. Trans, by H. Weir Smyth. 2 Vols. Vol. L 

APOLLODORUS. Trans, by Sir James G. Frazer. 2 Vols. 

APOLLONIUS RHODIUS. Trans, by R. C. Seaton. Und Impression. 

THE APOSTOLIC FATHERS. Trans, by Kirsopp Lake. 2 Vols. 

yird Impression.) 
APPIAN'S ROMAN HISTORY. Trans, by Horace White. 4 Vols. 
CALLIMACHUS and LYCOPHRON, trans, by A. W. Mair, and 

ARATUS, trans, by G. R. Mair. 
CLEMENT OF ALEXANDRIA. Trans, by Rev. G. W. Butterworth. 
DAPHNIS AND CHLOE. Thornley's Translation revised by J. M. 

Edmonds ; and PARTHENIUS. Trans, by S. Gaselee. 
DIO CASSIUS: ROMAN HISTORY. Trans, by E. Gary. 9 Vols. 

Vols. I to VI. > / y ». 

EURIPIDES. Trans, by A. S. Way. 4 Vols. (Vols. I, II and IV 

■i,rd Impression. Vol. Ill ind Impression.') 
GALEN : ON THE NATURAL FACULTIES. Trans, by A.J. Brock. 
THE GREEK ANTHOLOGY. Trans, by W. R. Paton. 5 Vols. 

(Vols. I and II ■znd Impression.) 
THE GREEK BUCOLIC POETS (THEOCRITUS, BION, MOS- 

CHUS). Tran.s. by J. M. Edmonds. Uth Impression.) 
HERODOTUS. Trans, by A. D. Godley. 4 Vols. Vols. I to III. 
HESIOD AND THE HOMERIC HYMNS. Trans, by H. G. Evelyn 

White. {'2nd Impression.) 
HIPPOCRATES. Trans, by W. H. S. Jones. 4 Vols. Vols. I and II. 
HOMER: ODYSSEY. Trans, by A. T.Murray 2 Vols. (Vol.1. 2nd Imp.) 
JULIAN. Trans, by Wilmer Cave Wright. 3 Vols. 
LUCIAN. Trans, by A. M. Harmon. 8 Vols. Vols. I to IIL (Vols. 

I and II ■znd Impression.) 

LYRA GRAECA. Trans, by J. M. Edmonds. 3 Vols. Vols. I and II. 
MARCUS AURELIUS. Trans, by C. R. Haines. i2Hd Impression.) 
MENANDER. Trans, bv F. G. Allin.son. 
PAUSANIAS: DESCRIPTION OF GREECE. Trans, by W. H. S. 

Jones. 5 Vols, and Companion Vol. Vol. I. 
PHILOSTRATUS : THE LIFE OF APOLLONIUS OF TYANA. 

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PHILOSTRATUS and EUNAPIUS, LIVES OF THE SOPHISTS. 

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PLATO: EUTHYPHRO, APOLOGY, CRITO, PHAEDO. PHAED- 

RUS. Trans, bv H. N. Fowler (-^rd Imfiressinn.) 
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II Vols. Vols. I to X. 

POLYBIUS. Trans, bv W. R. Paton. 6 Vols. Vols. I to III. 
PROCOPIUS: HISTORY OF THE WARS. Trans, by H. B. Dewing. 

7 Vols. Vols. I to III. 
QUINTUS SMYRNAEUS. Trans, by A. S. Way. 
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the Rev. G. R. Woodward and Harold Mattingly. 
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Vols. I and II. 
THEOPHRASTUS : ENQUIRY INTO PLANTS. Trans, by Sir Arthur 

Hort, Bart. 2 Vols. 
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XENOPHON : CYROPAEDIA. Tr.ins. by Walter Miller. 2 Vols. 
XENOPHON : HELLENICA, ANABASIS, APOLOGY, and SYM- 
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