PREJUDICES
THIRD SERIES'
By H. L. MENCKEN
PUBLISHED AT THE BORZOI • NEW YORK • BY
ALFRED-A-KNOPF
r-
COPTEIGHT, 1922, BY ALFRED A. KNOPT, INC.
Published, October, 1922
Second Printing, November, 192%
Third Printing, March, 19*S
Fourth Printing, February, 19%U
Fifth Printing, October, 192k
9
f
t 0
Set up, electrotyped, and printed by the Vail-Ballou Press, Inc., BingJiamton, N. Y.
Paper furnished by W. F. Etherington A Co., New York.
Bound lv the Plimpton Press, 'Norwood, Mass.
MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OP AMERICA
THE WORKS OF H. L MENCKEN
PREJUDICES: FIRST SERIES1
PREJUDICES SECOND SERIES1
PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES l
PREJUDICES: FOURTH SERIES
A BOOK OF BURLESQUES x
A BOOK OF PREFACES1
IN DEFENSE OF WOMEN l *
THB AMERICAN LANGUAGE1
THE AMERICAN CREDO
[With Gnrgt Jfan Nathan]
OUT OF PRINT
VENTURES INTO VERSE
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW: HIS PLAYS
THE ARTIST
A LITTLE BOOK IN C MAJOR
A BOOK OF CALUMNY
MEN VS. THE MAN
[With R. R. LaMtntt}
HELIOGABALUS *
I With Mr. Nathan}
EUROPE AFTER 8:15
[With Mr. Nathan and W. B. Wright]
THE PHILOSOPHY OF FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE1
1 Also Published in England
2 Also Published in Germany in tranilttion
TRANSLATIONS
THE ANTICHRIST, BY F. W. NIETZSCHE
NEW YORK: ALFRED • A • KNOPF
PREJUDICES
THIRD SERIES
CONTENTS
I ON BEING AN AMERICAN, 9 ^
II HUNEKER: A MEMORY, 65
III FOOTNOTE ON CRITICISM, 84
IV DAS KAPITAL, 105
N/V AD IMAGINEM DEI CREAVIT ILLUM, 120
1. The Life of Man, 120
2. The Anthropomorphic Delusion, 121
3. Meditation on Meditation, 125
4. Man and His Soul1, 131
5. Coda, 132
\/VI STAR-SPANGLED MEN, 133
VII THE POET AND His ART, 146
VIII FIVE MEN AT RANDOM, 171
1. Abraham Lincoln, 171 * '
2. Paul Elmer More, 176 "^
3. Madison Cawein, 179
4. Frank Harris, 182
5. Havelock Ellis, 189
V' IX THE NATURE OF LIBERTY,
>/X THE NOVEL, 201
^ XI THE FORWARD-LOOKER, 213
XII MEMORIAL SERVICE, 232
XIII EDUCATION, 238
CONTENTS
>. XIV TYPES OF MEN, 266
1. The Romantic, 266 *
2. The Skeptic, 266
3. The Believer, 267
4. The Worker, 268 '
5. The Physician, 269'
6. The Scientist, 269'
7. The Business Man, 270
8. The King, 271 -
9. The Average Man, 273 r
10. The Truth-Seeker, 274
11. The Pacifist, 274 '
12. The Relative, 275 *
13. The Friend, 276
XV THE DISMAL SCIENCE, 278 /
XVI MATTERS OF STATE, 289
1. Le Contrat Social, 289 ^
2. On Minorities, 292
XVII REFLECTIONS ON THE DRAMA, 299
•"XVIII ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN, 310 i/
1. To Him That Hath, 310
2. The Venerable Examined, 311
3. Duty, 313
4. Martyrs, 314
5. The Disabled Veteran, 318
6. Patriotism, 319
/XIX SUITE AMERICAINE, 320
1. Aspiration, 320
2. Virtue, 321
3. Eminence, 323
PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
I. ON BEING AN AMERICAN
I
APPARENTLY there are those who begin to
find it disagreeable — nay, impossible.
Their anguish fills the Liberal weeklies,
and every ship that puts out from New York carries
a groaning cargo of them, bound for Paris, London,
Munich, Rome and way points — anywhere to escape
the great curses and atrocities that make life intoler
able for them at home. Let me say at once that I find
little to cavil at in their basic complaints. In more
than one direction, indeed, I probably go a great deal
further than even the Young Intellectuals. It is, for
example, one of my firmest and most sacred beliefs,
reached after an inquiry extending over a score of
years and supported by incessant prayer and medita
tion, that the government of the United States, in
both its legislative arm and its executive arm, is ig
norant, incompetent, corrupt, and disgusting — and
from this judgment I except no more than twenty liv-
9
':-iO • ': PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
'• ' 'ihgV^w^akerjs/ancl.no more than twenty executioners
of their laws. It is a belief no less piously cherished
that the administration of justice in the Republic is
stupid, dishonest, and against all reason and equity
— and from this judgment I except no more than
thirty judges, including two upon the bench of the
Supreme Court of the United States. It is another
that the foreign policy of the United States — its habit
ual manner of dealing with other nations, whether
friend or foe — is hypocritical, disingenuous, knavish,
and dishonorable — and from this judgment I consent
to no exceptions whatever, either recent or long past.
And it is my fourth (and, to avoid too depressing a
bill, final) conviction that the American people, tak
ing one with another, constitute the most timorous,
sniveling, poltroonish, ignominious mob of serfs and
goose-steppers ever gathered under one flag in Chris
tendom since the end of the Middle Ages, and that
they grow more timorous, more sniveling, more pol
troonish, more ignominious every day.
So far I go with the fugitive Young Intellectuals —
and into the Bad Lands beyond. Such, in brief, are
the cardinal articles of my political faith, held pas
sionately since my admission to citizenship and now
growing stronger and stronger as I gradually dis
integrate into my component carbon, oxygen, hydro
gen, phosphorus, calcium, sodium, nitrogen and iron.
This is what I believe and preach, in nomine Domini,
BEING AN AMERICAN 11
Amen. Yet I remain on the dock, wrapped in the
flag, when the Young Intellectuals set sail. Yet here
I stand, unshaken and undespairing, a loyal and de
voted Americano, even a chauvinist, paying taxes
without complaint, obeying all laws that are physio
logically obeyable, accepting all the searching duties
and responsibilities of citizenship unprotestingly^in-
vesting the sparse usufructs of my miserable toil in
the obligations of the nation,\voiding all commerce
with men sworn to overthrow the government, con
tributing my mite toward the glory of the national
arts and sciences, enriching and embellishing the
native language, spurning all lures (and even all in
vitations) to get out and stay out — here am I, a bach
elor of easy means, forty-two years old, unhampered
by debts or issue, able to go wherever I please and to
stay as long as I please — here am I, contentedly and
even smugly basking beneath the Stars and Stripes,
a better citizen, I daresay, and certainly a less mur
murous and exigent one, than thousands who/gut the
Hon. Warren Gamaliel Harding beside Friedrich
Barbarossa and Charlemagne, andjhold the Supreme
Court to be directly inspired by the Holy Spirit, and
belong ardently to every Rotary Club, Ku Klux Klan,
and Anti-Saloon League, and choke with emotion
when the band plays "The Star-Spangled Banner,"
and believe with the faith of little children that one
of Our Boys, taken at random, could dispose in a
12 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
fair fight of ten Englishmen, \ .verity Germans, thirty
Frogs, forty Wops, fifty Japs, or a hundred Bolshe-
viki.
Well, then, why am I still here? Why am I so
complacent (perhaps even to the point of offensive-
ness), so free from bile, so little fretting and indig
nant, so curiously happy? C Why did I answer only
with a few academic "Hear, Hears" when Henry
James, Ezra Pound, Harold Stearns and the emigres
of/- Greenwich Village issued their successive calls
to the corn fed intelligentsia to flee the shambles,
escape to fairer lands, throw off the curse forever?)
The answer, of course, is to be sought in the nature
of happiness, which tempts to metaphysics. But let
me keep upon the ground. To me, at least (and I
can only follow my own nose) happiness presents
itself in an aspect that is tripartite. To be happy
(reducing the thing to its elementals) I must be:
a. Well-fed, unbounded by sordid cares, at ease in Zion.
b. Full of a comfortable feeling of superiority to the
masses of my fellow-men.
c. Delicately and unceasingly amused according to my
taste.
It is my contention that, if this definition be ac
cepted, there is no country on the face of the earth
wherein a man roughly constituted as I am — a man
of my general weaknesses, vanities, appetites, pre-
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 13
idices, and aversions — can be so happy, or even
one-half so happy, as he can be in these free and
independent states. Going further, I lay down the
proposition that it is a sheer physical impossibility
for such a man to live in These States and not be
happy — that it is as impossible to him as it would be
to a schoolboy to weep over the burning down of his
school-house. If he says that he isn't happy here,
then he either lies or is insane. ^ Here the business
of getting a living, particularly since the war brought
the loot of all Europe to the national strong-box, is
enormously easier than it is in any other Christian
land — so easy, in fact, that an educated and fore
handed man who fails at it must actually make, de
liberate efforts to that end. Here the general aver
age of intelligence, of knowledge, of competence,
of integrity, of self-respect, of honor is so low that
any man who knows his trade, does not fear ghosts,
has read fifty good books, and practices the common
decencies stands out as brilliantly as a wart on a
bald head, and is thrown willy-nilly into a meager
and exclusive aristocracy. And here, more than
anywhere else that I know of or have heard of, the
daily panorama of human existence, of private and
communal folly — the unending procession of govern
mental extortions and chicaneries, of commercial
brigandages and throat-slittings, of theological buf
fooneries, of aesthetic ribaldries, of legal swindles and
14 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
harlotries, of miscellaneous rogueries, villainies, iir>
becilities, grotesqueries, and extravagances — is so in
ordinately gross and preposterous, so perfectly
brought up to the highest conceivable amperage, so
steadily enriched with an almost fabulous daring
and originality, that only the man who was born with
a petrified diaphragm can fail to laugh himself to
sleep every night, and to awake every morning with
all the eager, unflagging expectation of a Sunday-
school superintendent touring the Paris peep-shows.
A certain s«t*gh of rhetoric may be here. Per
haps I yield to words as a chautauqua lecturer yields
to them, belaboring and fermenting the hinds with
his Message from the New Jerusalem. But funda
mentally I am quite as sincere as he is. For example,
in the matter of attaining to ease in Zion, of getting
a fair share of the national swag, now piled so moun-
tainously high. It seems to me, sunk in my Egyp
tian night, that the man who fails to do this in the
United States to-day is a man who is somehow
stupid — -maybe not on the surface, but certainly deep
down. (Either he is one who cripples himself un
duly, say by setting up a family before he can care
for it, or by making a bad bargain for the sale of
his wares, or by concerning himself too. much about
„ . ' ;, 0>l&j;*iS r*-»*MJk
the affairs of other men ; piMse-w-eiie who endeavors
fatuously to sell something that no normal American
wants. Whenever I hear a professor of philosophy
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 15
complain that his wife has eloped with some moving-
picture actor or bootlegger who can at least feed
and clothe her, my natural sympathy for the man is
greatly corrupted by contempt for his lack of sense.
Would it be regarded as sane and laudable for a man
to travel the Soudan trying to sell fountain-pens, or
Greenland offering to teach double-entry bookkeep
ing or counterpoint r\ Coming closer, would the judi
cious pity or laugh at a man who opened a shop for
the sale of incunabula in Little Rock, Ark., or who
demanded a living in McKeesport, Pa., on the ground
that he could read Sumerian? JIn precisely the same
way it seems to me to be nonsensical for a man to
offer generally some commodity that only a few rare
and dubious Americans want, and then weep and
beat his breast because he is not patronized *\i One
seeking to make a living in a country must pay due
regard to the needs and tastes of that country. Here
in the United States we have no jobs for grand dukes,
fand none for Wirkliche Geheimrate\3*d none for
palace eunuchs, and none for masters of the buck-
hounds, (and none (any more) for brewery
Todsaufer-^and very few for oboe-players, meta
physicians, astrophysicists, assyriologists, water-
colorists, stylites and epic poets^ There was
a time when the Todsaufer served a public need
and got an adequate reward, but it is no more.) *'
There may come a time when the composer of string
16 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
quartettes is paid as much as a railway conductor,
but it is not yet.; /Then why practice such trades —
that is, as trades? The man of independent means
may venture into them prudently; when he does so,
he is seldom molested ; it may even be argued that he
performs a public service by adopting them. But
the man who has a living to make is simply silly if
he goes into them ; he is like a soldier going over the
top with a coffin strapped to his back. Let him aban
don such puerile vanities, and take to the uplift in
stead, as, indeed, thousands of other victims of the
industrial system have already done.)/ Let him bear
in mind that, whatever its neglect of the humanities
and their monks, the Republic has never got half
enough bond salesmen, quack doctors, ward leaders,
phrenologists, Methodist evangelists, circus clowns,
magicians, soldiers, farmers, popular song writers,
moonshine distillersftorgers of gin labels^ miae
;jnrdnr3Sli^ inmnin f iim
The rules are set by Omnipotence; the
discreet man observes them. Observing them, he is
safe beneath the starry bed-tick, in fair weather or
foul. The boobus Americanus is a bird that knows
no closed season — and if he won't come down to
Texas oil stock, or one-night cancer cures, or building
lots in Swampshurst, he will always come down to In
spiration and Optimism, whether political, theologi
cal, pedagogical, literary, or economic.
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 17
The doctrine that it is infra digitatem for an edu
cated man to take a hand in the snaring of this goose
is one in which I see nothing convincing. It is a
doctrine chiefly voiced, I believe, by those who have
tried the business and failed. They take refuge be
hind the childish notion that there is something hon
orable about poverty per se — the Greenwich Village
complex. This is nonsense. Poverty may be an
unescapable misfortune, but that no more makes it
honorable than a cocked eye is made honorable by
the same cause. Do I advocate, then, the ceaseless,
senseless hogging of money? I do not. All I ad
vocate — and praise as virtuous — is the hogging of
enough to provide security and ease. Despite all
the romantic superstitions to the contrary, the artist
cannot do his best work when he is oppressed by un
satisfied wants. Nor can the philosopher. Nor can
the man of science. The best and clearest thinking
of the world is done and the finest art is produced,
not by men who are hungry, ragged and harassed,
but by men who are well-fed, warm and easy in
mind. It is the artist's first duty to his art to achieve
that tranquility for himself. Shakespeare tried to
achieve it; so did Beethoven, Wagner, Brahms, Ibsen
and Balzac. Goethe, Schopenhauer, Schumann and
Mendelssohn were born to it. Joseph Conrad, Rich
ard Strauss and Anatole France have got it for them
selves in our own day. In the older countries, where
18 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
competence is far more general and competition is
thus more sharp, the thing is often cruelly diffi
cult, and sometimes almost impossible. But in the
United States it is absurdly easy, given ordinary
luck. Any man with a superior air, the intelligence
of a stockbroker, and the resolution of a hat-check
girl — in brief, any man who believes in himself
enough, and with sufficient cause, to be called a
journeyman — can cadge enough money, in this glor
ious commonwealth of morons, to make life soft
for him.
And if a lining for the purse is thus facilely ob
tainable, given a reasonable prudence and resource
fulness, then balm for the ego is just as unlaboriously
got, given ordinary dignity and decency. Simply
to exist, indeed, on the plane of a civilized man
is to attain, in the Republic, to a distinction that
should be enough for all save the most vain; it
is even likely to be too much, as the frequent chal
lenges of the Ku Klux Klan, the American Legion,
the Anti-Saloon League, and other such vigilance
committees of the majority testify. Here is a coun
try in which all political thought and activity are
concentrated upon the scramble for jobs — in which
the normal politician, whether he be a President or
a village road supervisor, is willing to renounce any
principle, however precious to him, and to adopt any
lunacy, however offensive to him, in order to keep
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 19
his place at the trough. Go into politics, then, with
out seeking or wanting office, and at once you are
as conspicuous as a red-haired blackamoor — in fact,
a great deal more conspicuous, for red-haired blacka-
moors have been seen, but who has ever seen or
heard of an American politician, Democrat or Re
publican, Socialist or Liberal, Whig or Tory, who
did not itch for a job? Again, here is a country in
which it is an axiom that a business man shall be a
member of a Chamber of Commerce, an admirer of
Charles M. Schwab, a reader of the Saturday Eve
ning Post, a golfer — in brief, a vegetable. Spend
your hours of escape from Geschaft reading Remy
de Gourmont or practicing the violoncello, and the
local Sunday newspaper will infallibly find you out
and hymn the marvel — nay, your banker will sum
mon you to discuss your notes, and your rivals will
spread the report (probably truthful) that you were
pro-German during the war. Yet again, here is a
land in which women rule and men are slaves.
Train your women to get your slippers for you, and
your ill fame will match Galileo's or Darwin's.
Once more, here is the Paradise of back-slappers,
of democrats, of mixers, of go-getters. Maintain
ordinary reserve, and you will arrest instant attention
— and have your hand kissed by multitudes who,
despite democracy, have all the inferior man's un
quenchable desire to grovel and admire.
20 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
Nowhere else in the world is superiority more
easily attained or more eagerly admitted. The chief
business of the nation, as a nation, is the setting up
of heroes, mainly bogus. It admired the literary
style of the late Woodrow; it respects the theological
passion of Bryan; it venerates J. Pierpont Morgan;
it takes Congress seriously; it would be unutterably
shocked by the proposition (with proof) that a ma
jority of its judges are ignoramuses, and that a respec
table minority of them are scoundrels. The manu
facture of artificial Durchlauchten, k.k. Hoheiten and
even gods goes on feverishly and incessantly ; the will
to worship never flags. Ten iron-molders meet in
the back-room of a near-beer saloon, organize a lodge
of the Noble and Mystic Order of American Rosicru-
cians, and elect a wheelwright Supreme Worthy
Whimwham; a month later they send a notice to
the local newspaper that they have been greatly hon
ored by an official visit from that Whimwham, and
that they plan to give him a jeweled fob for his
watch-chain. The chief national heroes — Lincoln,
Lee, and so on — cannot remain mere men. The
mysticism of the mediaeval peasantry gets into the
communal view of them, and they begin to sprout
haloes and wings. As I say, no intrinsic merit —
at least, none commensurate with the mob estimate
— is needed to come to such august dignities.
Everything American is a bit amateurish and child-
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 21
ish, even the national gods. The most conspicuous
and respected American in nearly every field of en
deavor, saving only the purely commercial (I ex
clude even the financial) is a man who would attract
little attention in any other country. The leading
American critic of literature, after twenty years of
diligent exposition of his ideas, has yet to make it
clear what he is in favor of, and why. The queen of
the haul monde, in almost every American city, is
a woman who regards Lord Reading as an aristo
crat and her superior, and whose grandfather slept in
his underclothes. The leading American musical
director, if he went to Leipzig, would be put to pol
ishing trombones and copying drum parts. The
chief living American military man — the national
heir to Frederick, Maryborough, Wellington, Wash
ington and Prince Eugene — is a member of the Elks,
and proud of it. The leading American philosopher
(now dead, with no successor known to the average
pedagogue) spent a lifetime erecting an epistemo-
logical defense for the national aesthetic maxim: "I
don't know nothing about music, but I know what I
like." The most eminent statesman the United
States has produced since Lincoln was fooled by
Arthur James Balfour, and miscalculated his public
support by more than 5,000,000 votes. And the
current Chief Magistrate of the nation — its defiant
bstitute for czar and kaiser — is a small-town
22 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
printer who, when he wishes to enjoy himself in the
Executive Mansion, invites in a homeopathic doctor,
a Seventh Day Adventist evangelist, and a couple
of moving-picture actresses.
All of which may be boiled down to this: that
the United States is essentially a commonwealth
of third-rate men — that distinction is easy here be
cause the general level of culture, of information,
of taste and judgment, of ordinary competence is
so low. No sane man, employing an American
plumber to repair a leaky drain, would expect him
to do it at the first trial, and in precisely the same
way no sane man, observing an American Secretary
of State in negotiation with Englishmen and Japs,
would expect him to come off better than second best.
Third-rate men, of course, exist in all countries, but
it is only here that they are in full control of the
state, and with it of all the national standards. The
land was peopled, not by the hardy adventurers of
legend, but simply by incompetents who could not
get on at home, and the lavishness of nature that
they found here, the vast ease with which they could
get livings, confirmed and augmented their native in
competence. No American colonist, even in the
worst days of the Indian wars, ever had to face s ^cj
hardships as ground down the peasants of Central
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 23
rope during the Hundred Years War, nor even such
hardships as oppressed the English lower classes dur
ing the century before the Reform Bill of 1832. In
most of the colonies, indeed, he seldom saw any In
dians at all: the one thing that made life difficult for
him was his congenital dunderheadedness. The win
ning of the West, so rhetorically celebrated in Amer
ican romance, cost the lives of fewer men than the
single battle of Tannenberg, and the victory was much
easier and surer. The immigrants who have come
in since those early days have been, if anything, of
even lower grade than their forerunners. The old
notion that the United States is peopled by the off
spring of brave, idealistic and liberty loving mi
norities, who revolted against injustice, bigotry and
mediaevalism at home — this notion is fast succumb
ing to the alarmed study that has been given of late
to the immigration of recent years. The truth is that
the majority of non-Anglo-Saxon immigrants since
the Revolution, like the majority of Anglo-Saxon
immigrants before the Revolution, have been, not
the superior men of their native lands, but the
botched and unfit: Irishmen starving to death in Ire
land, Germans unable to weather the Sturm und
Drang of the post-Napoleonic reorganization, Italians
weed-grown on exhausted soil, Scandinavians run to
all bone and no brain, Jews too incompetent to
swindle even the barbarous peasants of Russia, Po-
24 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
land and Roumania. Here and there among the im
migrants, of course, there may be a bravo, or even a
superman — e. g., the ancestors of Volstead, Ponzi,
Jack Dempsey, Schwab, Daugherty, Debs, Persh-
ing — but the average newcomer is, and always has
been simply a poor fish.
Nor is there much soundness in the common as
sumption, so beloved of professional idealists and
wind-machines, that the people of America constitute
"the youngest of the great peoples." The phrase
turns up endlessly; the average newspaper editorial
writer would be hamstrung if the Postoffice suddenly
interdicted it, as it interdicted "the right to rebel"
during the war. What gives it a certain specious
plausibility is the fact that the American Republic,
compared to a few other existing governments, is
relatively young. But the American Republic is not
necessarily identical with the American people; they
might overturn it to-morrow and set up a monarchy,
and still remain the same people. The truth is that,
as a distinct nation, they go back fully three hundred
years, and that even their government is older than
that of most other nations, e. g., France, Italy, Ger
many, Russia. Moreover, it is absurd to say that
there is anything properly describable as youthful-
ness in the American outlook. It is not that of
young men, but that of old men. All the character
istics of senescence are in it: a great distrust of ideas,
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 25
an habitual timorousness, a harsh fidelity to a few
fixed beliefs, a touch of mysticism. The average
American is a prude and a Methodist under his skin,
and the fact is never more evident than when he is
trying to disprove it. His vices are not those of a
healthy boy, but those of an ancient paralytic escaped
from the Greisenheim. If you would penetrate to
the causes thereof, simply go down to Ellis Island
and look at the next shipload of immigrants*. You
will not find the spring of youth in their step ; you will
find the shuffling of exhausted men. From such
exhausted men the American stock has sprung. It
was easier for them to survive here than it was where
they came from, but that ease, though it made them
feel stronger, did not actually strengthen them. It
left them what they were when they came: weary
peasants, eager only for the comfortable security
of a pig in a sty. Out of that eagerness has issued
many of the noblest manifestations of American
Kultur: the national hatred of war, the pervasive
suspicion of the aims and intents of all other nations,
the short way with heretics and disturbers of the
peace, the unshakable belief in devils, the implac-v
able hostility to every novel idea and point of view.
All these ways of thinking are the marks of the
peasant — more, of the peasant long ground into the
mud of his wallow, and determined at last to stay
there — the peasant who has definitely renounced
26 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
any lewd desire he may have ever had to gape at
the stars. The habits of mind of this dull, sempi
ternal fellah — the oldest man in Christendom — are,
with a few modifications, the habits of mind of the
American people. The peasant has a great practical
cunning, but he is unable to see any further than
the next farm. He likes money and knows how to
amass property, but his cultural development is but
little above that of the domestic animals. He is
intensely and cocksurely moral, but his morality
and his self-interest are crudely identical. He is
emotional and easy to scare, but his imagination
cannot grasp an abstraction. He is a violent nation
alist and patriot, but he admires rogues in office and
always beats the tax-collector if he can. He has
immovable opinions about all the great affairs of
state, but nine-tenths of them are sheer imbecilities.
He is violently jealous of what he conceives to be
his rights, but brutally disregardful of the other
fellow's. He is religious, but his religion is wholly
devoid of beauty and dignity. This man, whether
city or country bred, is the normal Americano — the
100 per cent. Methodist, Odd Fellow. Ku Kluxer,
and Know Nothing. He exists in all countries, but
here alone he rules — here alone his anthropoid fears
and rages are accepted gravely as logical ideas, and
dissent from them is punished as a sort of public
offense. Around every one of his principal
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 27
delusions — of the sacredness of democracy, of the
feasibility of sumptuary law, of the incurable sin-
fulness of all other peoples, of the menace of ideas,
of the corruption lying in all the arts — there is thrown
a barrier of taboos, and woe to the anarchist who
seeks to break it down!
The multiplication of such taboos is obviously
not characteristic of a culture that is moving from
a lower plane to a higher — that is, of a culture still
in the full glow7 of its youth. It is a sign, rather,
of a culture that is slipping downhill — one that is
reverting to the most primitive standards and ways
of thought. The taboo, indeed, is the trade-mark
of the savage, and wherever it exists it is a relentless
and effective enemy of civilized enlightenment. The
savage is the most meticulously moral of men; there
is scarcely an act of his daily life that is not con
ditioned by unyielding prohibitions and obligations,
most of them logically unintelligible. The mob-
man, a savage set amid civilization, cherishes a code
of the same draconian kind. He believes firmly that
right and wrong are immovable things — that they
have an actual and unchangeable existence, and that
any challenge of them, by word or act, is a crime
against society. And with the concept of wrongness,
of course, he always confuses the concept of mere
differentness — to him the two are indistinguishable.
Anything strange is to be combatted; it is of the
28 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
Devil. The mob-man cannot grasp ideas in their
native nakedness. They must be dramatized and
personalized for him, and provided with either white
wings or forked tails. All discussion of them, to
interest him, must take the form of a pursuit and
scotching of demons. He cannot think of a heresy
without thinking of a heretic to be caught, con
demned, and burned. /
The Fathers of the Republic, I am convinced, had
a great deal more prevision than even their most
romantic worshipers give them credit for. They
not only sought to create a governmental machine
that would be safe from attack without; they also
sought to create one that would be safe from
attack within. They invented very ingenious devices
for holding the mob in check, for protecting the
national polity against its transient and illogical
rages, for securing the determination of all the larger
matters of state to a concealed but none the less real
aristocracy. Nothing could have been further from
the intent of Washington, Hamilton and even Jeffer
son than that the official doctrines of the nation, in
the year 1922, should be identical with the nonsense
heard in the chautauqua, from the evangelical pulpit,
and on the stump. But Jackson and his merry men
broke through the barbed wires thus so carefully
strung, and ever since 1825 vox populi has been the
true voice of the nation. To-day there is no longer
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 29
any question of statesmanship, in any real sense,
in our politics. The only way to success in American
public life lies in flattering and kowtowing to the
mob. A candidate for office, even the 'highest, must
either adopt its current manias en bloc, or convince
it hypocritically that he has done so, while cherish
ing reservations injjetto. The result is that only
two sorts of men stand any chance whatever of get
ting into actual control of affairs — first, glorified
mob-men who genuinely believe what the mob be
lieves, and secondly, shrewd fellows who are willing
to make any sacrifice of conviction and self-respect in
order to hold their jobs. One finds perfect examples
of the first class in Jackson and Bryan. One finds
hundreds of specimens of the second among the pol
iticians who got themselves so affectingly converted
to Prohibition, and who voted and blubbered for it
with flasks in their pockets. Even on the highest
planes our politics seems to be incurable mounte-
bankish. The same Senators who raised such
raucous alarms against the League of Nations voted
for the Disarmament Treaty — a far more obvious
surrender to English hegemony. And the same Sen
ators who pleaded for the League on the ground that
its failure would break the heart of the world were
eloquently against the treaty. The few men who
maintained a consistent course in both cases, voting
either for or against both League and treaty, were
30 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
denounced by the newspapers as deliberate marplots,
and found their constituents rising against them. To
such an extent had the public become accustomed to
buncombe that simple honesty was incomprehensible
to it, and hence abhorrent!
As I have pointed out in a previous work, this
dominance of mob ways of thinking, this pollution of
the whole intellectual life of the country by the pre
judices and emotions of the rabble, goes unchal
lenged because the old landed aristocracy of the
colonial era has been engulfed and almost obliterated
by the rise of the industrial system, and no new
aristocracy has arisen to take its place, and discharge
its highly necessary functions. An upper class, of
course, exists, and of late it has tended to increase
in power, but it is culturally almost indistinguishable
from the mob: it lacks absolutely anything even
remotely resembling an aristocratic point of view.
One searches in vain for any sign of the true Junker
spirit in the Vanderbilts, Astors, Morgans, Garys,
and other such earls and dukes of the plutocracy;
their culture, like their aspiration, remains that of
the pawnshop. One searches in vain, too for the
aloof air of the d9n in the official intelligentsia of the
American universities; they are timorous and ortho
dox, and constitute a reptile Congregatio de Propa
ganda Fide to match Bismarck's Reptilienpresse.
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 31
Everywhere else on earth, despite the rise of democ
racy, an organized minority of aristocrats survives
from a more spacious day, and if its personnel has de
generated and its legal powers have decayed it has at
least maintained some vestige of its old independence
of spirit, and jealously guarded its old right to be
heard without risk of penalty. Even in England,
where the peerage has been debauched to the level of
a political baptismal fount for Jewish money-lenders
and Wesleyan soap-boilers, there is sanctuary for the
old order in the two ancient universities, and a linger
ing respect for it in the peasantry. But in the United
States it was paralyzed by Jackson and got its death
blow from Grant, and since then no successor to it has
been evolved. Thus there is no organized force to
oppose the irrational vagaries of the mob. The
legislative and executive arms of the government
yield to them without resistance; the judicial arm
has begun to yield almost as supinely, particularly
when they take the form of witch-hunts; outside the
official circle there is no opposition that is even de
pendably articulate. The worst excesses go almost
without challenge. Discussion, when it is heard at
all, is feeble and superficial, and girt about by the
taboos that I have mentioned. The clatter about the
so-called Ku Klux Klan, two or three years ago, was
typical. The astounding program of this organiza-
32 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
tion was discussed in the newspapers for months on
end, and a committee of Congress sat in solemn
state to investigate it, and yet not a single newspaper
or Congressman, so far as I am aware, so much as
mentioned the most patent and important fact about
it, to wit, that the Ku Klux was, to all intents and pur
poses, simply the secular arm of the Methodist
Church, and that its methods were no more than phys
ical projections of the familiar extravagances of the
Anti-Saloon League. The intimate relations between
church and Klan, amounting almost to identity, must
have been plain to every intelligent American, and
yet the taboo upon the realistic consideration of ec
clesiastical matters was sufficient to make every
public soothsayer disregard it completely.
I often wonder, indeed, if there would be any
intellectual life at all in the United States if it were
not for the steady importation in bulk of ideas from
abroad, and particularly, in late years, from Eng
land. What would become of the average American
scholar if he could not borrow wholesale from Eng
lish scholars? How could an inquisitive youth get
beneath the surface of our politics if it were not for
such anatomists as Bryce? Who would show our
statesmen the dotted lines for their signatures if there
were no Balfours and Lloyd-Georges? How could
our young professors formulate aesthetic judgments,
especially in the field of letters, if it were not for such
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 33
gifted English mentors as Robertson Nicoll, Squire
and Glutton-Brock? By what process, finally, would
the true style of a visiting card be determined, and
the hoflich manner of eating artichokes, if there were
no reports from Mayfair? On certain levels this
naive subservience must needs irritate everv self-
respecting American, and even dismay him./ When
he recalls the amazing feats of the English war prop
agandists between 1914 and 1917 — and their even
more amazing confessions of method since — he is
apt to ask himself quite gravely if he belongs to a
free nation or to a crown colony. The thing was
done openly, shamelessly, contemptuously, cynically,
and yet it was a gigantic success. The office of the
American Secretary of State, from the end of Bryan's
grotesque incumbency to the end of the Wilson ad
ministration, was little more than an antechamber of
the British Foreign Office. Dr. Wilson himself, in
the conduct of his policy, differed only legally from
such colonial premiers as Hughes and Smuts. Even
after the United States got into the war it was more
swagger for a Young American blood to wear the
British uniform than the American uniform. No
American ever seriously questions an Englishman
or Englishwoman of official or even merely fashion
able position at home. Lord Birkenhead was ac
cepted as a gentleman everywhere in the United
States; Mrs. Asquith's almost unbelievable imbecili-
34 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
ties were heard with hushed fascination; even Lady
Astor, an American married to an expatriate Ger
man-American turned English viscount, was greeted
with solemn effusiveness. During the latter part of
1917, when New York swarmed with British military
missions, I observed in Town Topics a polite protest
against a very significant habit of certain of their gal
lant members: that of going to dances wearing spurs,
and so macerating the frocks and heels of the fawn
ing fair. The protest, it appears, was not voiced
by the hosts and hostesses of these singular officers:
they would have welcomed their guests in trench
boots. It was left to a dubious weekly, and it was
made very gingerly.
The spectacle, as I say, has a way of irking the
American touched by nationalistic weakness. Ever
since the day of Lowell — even since the day of
Cooper and Irving — there have been denunciations
of it. But however unpleasant it may be, there is no
denying that a chain of logical causes lies behind it,
and that they are not to be disposed of by objecting to
them. The average American of the Anglo-Saxon
majority, in truth, is simply a second-rate English
man, and so it is no wonder that he is spontaneously
servile, despite all his democratic denial of superior
ities, to what he conceives to be first-rate Englishmen.
He corresponds, roughly, to an English Noncon
formist of the better-fed variety, and he shows all the
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 35
familiar characters of the breed. He is truculent
and cocksure, and yet he knows how to take off his
hat when a bishop of the Establishment passes. He
is hot against the dukes, and yet the notice of a con
crete duke is a singing in his heart. It seems to me
that this inferior Anglo-Saxon is losing his old domi
nance in the United States — -that is, biologically
But he will keep his cultural primacy for a long, long
while, in spite of the overwhelming inrush of men of
other races, if only because those newcomers are even
more clearly inferior than he is. Nine-tenths of the
Italians, for example, who have come to these shores
in late years have brought no more of the essential
culture of Italy with them than so many horned cat
tle would have brought. If they become civilized at
all, settling here, it is the civilization of the Anglo-
Saxon majority that they acquire, which is to say,
the civilization of the English second table. So with
the Germans, the Scandinavians, and even the JewTs
and Irish. The Germans, taking one with another,
are on the cultural level of green-grocers. I have
come into contact \vith a great many of them since
1914, some of them of considerable wealth and even
of fashionable pretensions. In the whole lot I can
think of but a score or two who could name offhand
the principal works of Thomas Mann, Otto Julius
Bierbaum, Ludwig Thoma or Hugo von Hofmanns-
thal. They know much more about Mutt and Jeff
36 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
than they know about Goethe. The Scandinavians
are even worse. The majority of them are mere
clods, and they are sucked into the Knights of
Pythias, the chautauqua and the Methodist Church
almost as soon as they land ; it is -by no means a mere
accident that the national Prohibition Enforcement
Act bears the name of a man theoretically of the
blood of Gustavus Vasa, Svend of the Forked Beard,
and Eric the Red. The Irish in the United States
are scarcely touched by the revival of Irish culture,
despite their melodramatic concern with Irish poli
tics. During the war they supplied diligent and de
pendable agents to the Anglo-Saxon White Terror,
and at all times they are very susceptible to political
and social bribery. As for the Jews, they change
their names to Burton, Thompson and Cecil in order
to qualify as true Americans, and when they are ac
cepted and rewarded in the national coin they re
nounce Moses altogether and get themselves baptized
in St. Bartholomew's Church. /
Whenever ideas enter the United States from
without they come by way of England. What the
London Times says to-day, about Ukranian politics,
the revolt in India, a change of ministry in Italy, the
character of the King of Norway, the oil situation in
Mesopotamia, will be said week after next by the
Times of New York, and a month or two later by all
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 37
the other American newspapers. The extent of this
control of American opinion by English news mon
gers is but little appreciated in the United States,
even by professional journalists. Fully four-fifths
of all the foreign news that comes to the American
newspapers comes through London, and most of the
rest is supplied either by Englishmen or by Jews
(often American-born) who maintain close relations
with the English. During the years 1914-1917 so
many English agents got into Germany in the guise
of American correspondents — sometimes with the
full knowledge of their Anglomaniac American em
ployers — that the Germans, just before the United
States entered the war, were considering barring
American correspondents from their country alto
gether. I was in Copenhagen and Basel in 1917,
and found both towns — each an important source of
war news — full of Jews representing American
journals as a side-line to more delicate and con
fidential work for the English department of press
propaganda. Even to-day a very considerable pro
portion of the American correspondents in Europe
are strongly under English influences, and in the
Far East the proportion is probably still larger. But
these men seldom handle really important news.
All that is handled from London, and by trustworthy
Britons. Such of it as is not cabled directly to the
38 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
American newspapers and press associations is later
clipped from English newspapers, and printed as
bogus letters or cablegrams.
The American papers accept such very dubious
stuff, not chiefly because they are hopelessly stupid
or Anglomaniac, but because they find it impossible
to engage competent American correspondents. If
the native journalists who discuss our domestic
politics avoid the fundamentals timorously, then
those who venture to discuss foreign politics are
scarcely aware of the fundamentals at all. We have
simply developed no class of experts in such matters.
No man comparable, say to Dr. Dillon, Wickham
Steed, Count zu Reventlow or Wilfrid Scawen Blunt
exists in the United States. When, in the Summer
of 1920, the editors of the Baltimore Sun undertook
plans to cover the approaching Disarmament Con
ference at Washington in a comprehensive and intel
ligent manner, they were forced, willy-nilly, into
employing Englishmen to do the work. Such men as
Brailsford and By water, writing from London, three
thousand miles away, were actually better able to in
terpret the work of the conference than American
correspondents on the spot, few of whom were capa
ble of anything beyond the most trivial gossip.
During the whole period of the conference not a pro
fessional Washington correspondent — the flower of
American political journalism — wrote a single
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 39
article upon the proceedings that got further than
their surface aspects. Before the end of the sessions
this enforced dependence upon English opinion had
an unexpected and significant result. Facing the
English and the Japs in an unyielding alliance, the
French turned to the American delegation for assist
ance. The issue specifically before the conference
was one on which American self-interest was obvi
ously identical with French self-interest. Never
theless, the English had such firm grip upon the
machinery of news distribution that they were able,
in less than a week, to turn American public opinion
against the French, and even to set up an active
Francophobia. No American, not even any of the
American delegates, was able to cope with their prop
aganda. They not only dominated the conference
and pushed through a set of treaties that were extrav
agantly favorable to England; they even established
the doctrine that all opposition to those treaties was
immoral!
When Continental ideas, whether in politics, in
metaphysics or in the fine arts, penetrate to the
United States they nearly always travel by way of
England. Emerson did not read Goethe; he read
Carlyle. The American people, from the end of
1914 to the end of 1918, did not read first-handed
statements of the German case; they read English
interpretations of those statements. In London is
40 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
the clearing house and transformer station. There
the latest notions from the mainland are sifted out,
carefully diluted with English water, and put into
neat packages for the Yankee trade. The English
not only get a chance to ameliorate or embellish;
they also determine very largely what ideas Ameri
cans are to hear of at all. Whatever fails to interest
them, or is in any way obnoxious to them, is not
likely to cross the ocean. This explains why it is
that most literate Americans are so densely ignorant
of many Continentals who have been celebrated at
home for years, for example, Huysmans, Hartleben,
VaiMnger, Merezhkovsky, Keyserling, Snoilsky,
Mauthner, Altenberg, Heidenstam, Alfred Kerr. It
also explains why they so grossly overestimate
various third-raters, laughed at at home, for ex
ample, Brieux. These fellows simply happen to in
terest the English intelligentsia, and are thus palmed
off upon the gaping colonists of Yankeedom. In the
case of Brieux the hocus-pocus was achieved by one
man, George Bernard Shaw, a. Scotch blue-nose dis
guised as an Irish patriot and English soothsayer.
Shaw, at bottom, has the ideas of a Presbyterian
elder, and so the moral frenzy of Brieux enchanted
him. Whereupon he retired to his chamber, wrote
a flaming Brieuxiad for the American trade, and
founded the late vogue of the French Dr. Sylvanus
Stall on this side of the ocean.
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 41
This wholesale import and export business in Con
tinental fancies is of no little benefit, of course, to
the generality of Americans. If it did not exist
they would probably never hear of many of the sa
lient Continentals at all, for the obvious incompetence
of most of the native and resident introducers of in
tellectual ambassadors makes them suspicious even
of those who, like Boyd and Nathan, are thoroughly
competent. To this day there is no American trans
lation of the plays of Ibsen; we use the William
Archer Scotch-English translations, most of them
atrociously bad, but still better than nothing. So
with the works of Nietzsche, Anatole France, Georg
Brandes, Turgeniev, Dostoyevsky, Tolstoi^ and other
moderns after their kind. I can think of but one
important exception: the work of Gerhart Haupt-
mann, done into English by and under the super
vision of Ludwig Lewisohn. But even here Lewis-
ohn used a number of English translations of single
plays: the English were still ahead of him, though
they stopped half way. He is, in any case, a very
extraordinary American, and the Department of Jus
tice kept an eye on him during the war. The aver
age American professor is far too dull a fellow to
undertake so difficult an enterprise. Even when he
sports a German Ph.D. one usually finds on exam
ination that all he knows about modern German
literature is that a Mass of Hofbrau in Munich used
42 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
to cost 27 Pfennig downstairs and 32 Pfennig up
stairs. The German universities were formerly very
tolerant of foreigners. Many an American, in prep
aration for professing at Harvard, spent a couple of
years roaming from one to the other of them with
out picking up enough German to read the Berliner
Tageblatt. Such frauds swarm in all our lesser
universities, and many of them, during the war,
became eminent authorities upon the crimes of
Nietzsche and the errors of Treitschke,
In rainy weather, when my old wounds ache and
the four humors do battle in my spleen, I often find
myself speculating sourly as to the future of the
Republic. Native opinion, of course, is to the effect
that it will be secure and glorious; the superstition
that progress must always be upward and onward
will not down ; in virulence and popularity it matches
the superstition that money can accomplish anything.
But this view is not shared by most reflective for
eigners, as any one may find out by looking into
such a book as Ferdinand Kurnberger's "Der Ameri-
•kamude," Sholom Asch's "America," Ernest von
Wolzogen's "Ein Dichter in Dollarica," W. L.
George's "Hail, Columbia!", Annalise Schmidt's
"Der Amerikanische Mensch" or Sienkiewicz's
"After Bread," or by hearkening unto the confi
dences, if obtainable, of such returned immigrants
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 43
as Georges Clemenceau, Knut Hamsun, George San-
tayana, Clemens von Pirquet, John Masefield and
Maxim Gorky, and, via the ouija board, Antonin
Dvorak, Frank Wedekind and Edwin Klebs. The
American Republic, as nations go, has led a safe
and easy life, with no serious enemies to menace
it, either within or without, and no grim struggle
with want. Getting a living here has always been
easier than anywhere else in Christendom; getting a
secure foothold has been possible to whole classes
of men who would have remained submerged in
Europe, as the character- of our plutocracy, and no
less of our intelligentsia so brilliantly shows. The
American people have never had to face such titanic
assults as those suffered by the people of Holland,
Poland and half a dozen other little countries; they
have not lived with a ring of powerful and unconscion
able enemies about them, as the Germans have lived
since the Middle Ages; they have not been torn by
class wars, as the French, the Spaniards and the Rus
sians have been torn; they have not thrown their
strength into far-flung and exhausting colonial enter
prises, like the English. All their foreign wars have
been fought with foes either too weak to resist them or
too heavily engaged elsewhere to make more than a
half-hearted attempt. The combats with Mexico and
Spain were not wars; they were simply lynchings.
44 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
Even the Civil War, compared to the larger European
conflicts since the invention of gunpowder, was trivia]
in its character and transient in its effects. The pop
ulation of the United States, when it began, was about
31,500,000 — say 10 per cent, under the population
of France in 1914. But after four years of struggle,
the number of men killed in action or dead of wounds,
in the two armies, came but 200,000 — probably little
more than a sixth of the total losses of France be
tween 1914 and 1918. Nor was there any very ex
tensive destruction of property. In all save a small
area in the North there was none at all, and even in
the South only a few towns of any importance were
destroyed. The average Northerner passed through
the four years scarcely aware, save by report, that a
war was going on. In the South the breath of Mars
blew more hotly, but even there large numbers of
men escaped service, and the general hardship
everywhere fell a great deal short of the hardships
suffered by the Belgians, the French of the North,
the Germans of East Prussia, and the Serbians and
Rumanians in the World War. The agonies of the
South have been much exaggerated in popular ro
mance; they were probably more severe during Recon
struction, when they were chiefly psychical, than they
were during the actual war. Certainly General Rob
ert E. Lee was in a favorable position to estimate the
military achievement of the Confederacy. Well,
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 45
Lee was of the opinion that his army was very badly
supported by the civil population, and that its final
disaster was largely due to that ineffective support.
Coming down to the time of the World War, one
finds precious few signs that the American people,
facing an antagonist of equal strength and with both
hands free, could be relied upon to give a creditable
account of themselves. The American share in that
great struggle, in fact, was marked by poltroonery
almost as conspicuously as it was marked by knavery.
Let us consider briefly what the nation did. For a
few months it viewed the struggle idly and unintel-
ligently, as a yokel might stare at a sword-swallower
at a county fair. Then, seeing a chance to profit,
it undertook with sudden alacrity the ghoulish office
of Kriegslieferant. One of the contestants being de
barred, by the chances of war, from buying, it de
voted its whole energies, for two years, to purveying
to the other. Meanwhile, it made every effort to
aid its customer by lending him the cloak of its
neutrality — that is, by demanding all the privileges
of a neutral and yet carrying on a stupendous whole
sale effort to promote the war. On the official
side, this neutrality was fraudulent from the start,
as the revelations of Mr. Tumulty have since demon
strated; popularly it became more and more fraudu
lent as the debts of the customer contestant piled up,
and it became more and more apparent — a fact dili-
46 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
gently made known by his partisans — that they
would be worthless if he failed to win. Then, in the
end, covert aid was transformed into overt aid. And
under what gallant conditions ! In brief, there stood
a nation of 65,000,000 people, which, without effec
tive allies, had just closed two and a half years of
homeric conflict by completely defeating an enemy
state of 135,000,000 and two lesser ones of more
than 10,000,000 together, and now stood at bay be
fore a combination of at least 140,000,000. Upon
this battle-scarred and war-weary foe the Republic
of 100,000,000 freemen now flung itself, so lifting
the odds to 4 to 1. And after a year and a half more
of struggle it emerged triumphant — a knightly victor
surely!
There is no need to rehearse the astounding and un
precedented swinishness that accompanied this glo
rious business — the colossal waste of public money,
the savage persecution of all opponents and critics of
the war, the open bribery of labor, the half -insane
reviling of the enemy, the manufacture of false news,
the knavish robbery of enemy civilians, the inces
sant spy hunts, the floating of public loans by a proc
ess of blackmail, the degradation of the Red Cross
to partisan uses, the complete abandonment of all
decency, decorum and self-respect. The facts must
be remembered with shame by every civilized Amer
ican; lest they be forgotten by the generations of the
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 47
future I am even now engaged with collaborators
upon an exhaustive record of them, in twenty vol
umes folio. More important to the present purpose
are two things that are apt to be overlooked, the first
of which is the capital fact that the war was "sold"
to the American people, as the phrase has it, not by
appealing to their courage, but by appealing to their
cowardice — in brief, by adopting the assumption
that they were not warlike at all, and certainly not
gallant and chivalrous, but merely craven and fear
ful. The first selling point of the proponents of
American participation was the contention that the
Germans, with gigantic wars still raging on both
fronts, were preparing to invade the United States,
burn down all the towns, murder all the men, and
carry off all the women — that their victory would
bring staggering and irresistible reprisals for the
American violation of the duties of a neutral. The
second selling point was that the entrance of the
United States would end the war almost instantly —
that the Germans would be so overwhelmingly out
numbered, in men and guns, that it would be impos
sible for them to make any effective defense — above
all, that it would be impossible for them to inflict
any serious damage upon their new foes. Neither
argument, it must be plain, showed the slightest be
lief in the warlike skill and courage of the American
people. Both were grounded upon the frank theory
48 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
that the only way to make the mob fight was to scare
it half to death, and then show it a way to fight with
out risk, to stab a helpless antagonist in the back.
And both were mellowed and reenforced by the
hint that such a noble assault, beside being safe,
would also be extremely profitable — that it would
convert very dubious debts into very good debts, and
dispose forever of a diligent and dangerous com
petitor for trade, especially in Latin America. All
the idealist nonsense emitted by Dr. Wilson and com
pany was simply icing on the cake. Most of it was
abandoned as soon as the bullets began to fly, and
the rest consisted simply of meaningless words — the
idiotic babbling of a Presbyterian evangelist turned
prophet and seer.
The other thing that needs to be remembered is
the permanent effect of so dishonest and cowardly a
business upon the national character, already far
too much inclined toward easy ventures and long
odds. Somewhere in his diaries Wilfrid Scawen
Blunt speaks of the marked debasement that showed
itself in the English spirit after the brutal robbery
and assassination of the South African Republics.
The heroes that the mob followed after Mafeking
Day were far inferior to the heroes that it had
followed in the days before the war. The Eng
lish gentleman began to disappear from public life,
and in his place appeared a rabble-rousing bounder
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 49
obviously almost identical with the American pro
fessional politician — the Lloyd-George, Chamber
lain, F. E. Smith, Isaacs-Reading, Churchill, Bottom-
ley, Northcliffe type. Worse, old ideals went with
old heroes. Personal freedom and strict legality,
says Blunt, vanished from the English tables of the
law, and there was a shift of the social and political
center of gravity to a lower plane. Precisely the
same effect is now visible in the United States. The
overwhelming majority of conscripts went into the
army unwillingly, and once there they were de
bauched by the twin forces of the official propaganda
that I have mentioned and a harsh, unintelligent dis
cipline. The first made them almost incapable of
soldierly thought and conduct; the second converted
them into cringing goose-steppers. The consequences
display themselves in the amazing activities of the
American Legion, and in the rise of such correlative
organizations as the Ku Klux Klan. It is impossible
to fit any reasonable concept of the soldierly into the
familiar proceedings of the Legion. Its members
conduct themselves like a gang of Methodist vice-
crusaders on the loose, or a Southern lynching party.
They are forever discovering preposterous burglars
under the national bed, and they advance to the
attack, not gallantly and at fair odds, but cravenly
and in overwhelming force. Some of their enter
prises, to be set forth at length in the record I
50 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
have mentioned, have been of almost unbelievable
baseness — the mobbing of harmless Socialists, the
prohibition of concerts by musicians of enemy na
tionality, the mutilation of cows designed for ship
ment abroad to feed starving children, the roughing
of women, service as strike-breakers, the persecution
of helpless foreigners, regardless of nationality.
During the last few months of the war, when
stories of the tyrannical ill-usage of conscripts began
to filter back to the United States, it was predicted
that they would demand the punishment of the guilty
when they got home, and that if it was not promptly
forthcoming they would take it into their own hands.
It was predicted, too, that they would array them
selves against the excesses of Palmer, Burleson and
company, and insist upon a restoration of that dem
ocratic freedom for which they had theoretically
fought. But they actually did none of these things.
So far as I know, not a single martinet of a lieuten
ant or captain has been manhandled by his late vic
tims; the most they have done has been to appeal to
Congress for revenge and damages. Nor have they
thrown their influence against the mediaeval des
potism which grew up at home during the war; on
the contrary, they have supported it actively, and if it
has lessened since 1919 the change has been wrought
without their aid and in spite of their opposition.
In sum, they show all the stigmata of inferior men
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 51
•whose natural inferiority has been made worse by
oppression. Their chief organization is dominated
by shrewd ex-officers who operate it to their own
ends — politicians in search of jobs, Chamber of
Commerce witch-hunters, and other such vermin. It
seems to be wholly devoid of patriotism, courage, or
sense. Nothing quite resembling it existed in the
country before the war, not even in the South. There
is nothing like it anywhere else on earth. It is a
typical product of two years of heroic effort to arouse
and capitalize the worst instincts of the mob, and it
symbolizes very dramatically the ill effects of that
effort upon the general American character.
Would men so degraded in gallantry and honor, so
completely purged of all the military virtues, so
submerged in baseness of spirit — would such pitiful
caricatures of soldiers offer the necessary resistance
to a public enemy who was equal, or perhaps
superior in men and resources, and who came on with
confidence, daring and resolution — say England sup
ported by Germany as Kriegslieferant and with her
inevitable swarms of Continental allies, or Japan
with the Asiatic hordes behind her? Against the
best opinion of the chatauquas, of Congress and of
the patriotic press I presume to doubt it. It seems
to me quite certain, indeed, that an American army
fairly representing the American people, if it ever
meets another army of anything remotely resembling
52 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
like strength, will be defeated, and that defeat will
be indistinguishable from rout. I believe that, at
any odds less than two to one, even the exhausted
German army of 1918 would have defeated it, and
in this view, I think, I am joined by many men whose
military judgment is far better than mine — particu
larly by many French officers. /The changes in the
American character since the Civil War, due partly
to the wearing out of the old Anglo-Saxon stock, in
ferior to begin with, and partly to the infusion of
the worst elements of other stocks, have surely not
made for the fostering of the military virtues. The
old cool head is gone, and the old dogged way with
difficulties. The typical American of to-day has lost
all the love of liberty that his forefathers had, and
all their distrust of emotion, and pride in self-reli
ance. He is led no longer by Davy Crocketts ; he is
led by cheer leaders, press agents, word-mongers, up-
lifters. I do not believe that such a faint-hearted
and inflammatory fellow, shoved into a war demand
ing every resource of courage, ingenuity and perti
nacity, would give a good account of himself. He
is fit for lynching-bees and heretic-hunts, but he is
not fit for tight corners and desperate odds.
Nevertheless, his docility and pusillanimity may
be overestimated, and sometimes I think that they are
overestimated by his present masters. They assume
that there is absolutely no limit to his capacity for be-
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 53
ing put on and knocked about — that he will submit
to any invasion of his freedom and dignity, however
outrageous, so long as it is depicted in melodious
terms. He permitted the late war to be "sold"
to him by the methods of the grind-shop auctioneer.
He submitted to conscription without any of the resist
ance shown by his brother democrats of Canada and
Australia. He got no further than academic pro
tests against the brutal usage he had to face in the
army. He came home and found Prohibition foisted
on him, and contented himself with a few feeble ob
jurgations. He is a pliant slave of capitalism, and
ever ready to help it put down fellow-slaves who
venture to revolt. But this very weakness, this very
credulity and poverty of spirit, on some easily con
ceivable to-morrow, may convert him into a rebel of
a peculiarly insane kind, and so beset the Republic
from within with difficulties quite as formidable as
those which threaten to afflict it from without. What
Mr. James N. Wood calls the corsair of democracy
— that is, the professional mob-master, the merchant
of delusions, the pumper-up of popular fears and
rages — is still content to work for capitalism, and cap
italism knows how to reward him to his taste. He
is the eloquent statesman, the patriotic editor, the
fount of inspiration, the prancing milch-cow of op
timism. He becomes public leader, Governor, Sen
ator, President. He is Billy Sunday, Cyrus K. Cur-
54 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
tis, Dr. Frank Crane, Charles E. Hughes, Taft, Wil
son, Cal Coolidge, General Wood, Harding. His,
perhaps, is the best of trades under democracy — but
it has its temptations ! Let us try to picture a master
corsair, thoroughly adept at pulling the mob nose,
who suddenly bethought himself of that Pepin the
Short who found himself mayor of the palace and
made himself King of the Franks. There were light
nings along that horizon in the days of Roosevelt;
there were thunder growls when Bryan emerged from
the Nebraska steppes. On some great day of fate, as
yet unrevealed by the gods, such a professor of the
central democratic science may throw off his em
ployers and set up a business for himself. When
that day comes there will be plenty of excuse for
black type on the. front pages of the newspapers.
I incline to think that military disaster will give
him his inspiration and his opportunity — that he will
take the form, so dear to democracies, of a man on
horseback. The chances are bad to-day simply be
cause the mob is relatively comfortable — because
capitalism has been able to give it relative ease and
plenty of food in return for its docility. Genuine
poverty is very rare in the United States, and actual
hardship is almost unknown. There are times when
the proletariat is short of phonograph records, silk
shirts and movie tickets, but there are very few times
when it is short of nourishment. Even during the
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 55
most severe business depression, with hundreds of
thousands out of work, most of these apparent
sufferers, if they are willing, are able to get livings
outside their trades. The cities may be choked with
idle men, but the country is nearly always short of
labor. And if all other resources fail, there are
always public agencies to feed the hungry: capital
ism is careful to keep them from despair. No Amer
ican knows what it means to live as millions of
Europeans lived during the war and have lived, in
some places, since: with the loaves of the baker re
duced to half size and no meat at all in the meatshop.
But the time may come and it may not be
far off. A national military disaster would dis
organize all industry in the United States, already
sufficiently wasteful and chaotic, and introduce the
American people, for the first time in their history,
to genuine want — and capital would be unable to
relieve them. The day of such disaster will bring
the savior foreordained. The slaves will follow him,
their eyes fixed ecstatically upon the newest New
Jerusalem. Men bred to respond automatically to
shibboleths will respond to this worst and most in
sane one. Bolshevism, said General Foch, is a
disease of defeated nations.
But do not misunderstand me: I predict no revolu
tion in the grand manner, no melodramatic collapse of
capitalism, no repetition of what has gone on in
56 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
Russia. The American proletarian is not brave and
romantic enough for that; to do him simple justice,
he is not silly enough. Capitalism, in the long run,
will win in the United States, if only for the reason
that every American hopes to be a capitalist before
he dies. Its roots go down to the deepest, darkest
levels of the national soil; in all its characters, and
particularly in its antipathy to the dreams of man, it
is thoroughly American. To-day it seems to be im
movably secure, given continued peace and plenty,
and not all the demagogues in the land, consecrating
themselves desperately to the one holy purpose,
could shake it. Only a cataclysm will ever do that.
But is a cataclysm conceivable? Isn't the United
States the richest nation ever heard of in history,
and isn't it a fact that modern wars are won by
money? It is not a fact. Wars are won to-day, as
in Napoleon's day, by the largest battalions, and the
largest battalions, in the next great struggle, may
not be on the side of the Republic. The usuri
ous profits it wrung from the last war are as tempt
ing as negotiable securities hung on the wash-line, as
pre-Prohibition Scotch stored in open cellars. Its
knavish ways with friends and foes alike have left it
only foes. It is plunging ill-equipped into a com
petition for a living in the world that will be to the
death. And the late Disarmament Conference left it
almost ham-strung. Before the conference it had
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 57
the Pacific in its grip, and with the Pacific in its grip
it might have parleyed for a fair half of the Atlantic.
But when the Japs and the English had finished their
operations upon the Feather Duster, Popinjay Lodge,
Master-Mind Root, Vacuum Underwood, young Teddy
Roosevelt and the rest of their so-*willing dupes there
was apparent a baleful change. The Republic is ex
tremely insecure to-day on both fronts, and it will
be more insecure to-morrow. And it has no friends.
However, as I say, I do not fear for capitalism.
It will weather the storm, and no doubt it will be
the stronger for it afterward. The inferior man
hates it, but there is too much envy mixed with his
hatred, in the land of the theoretically free, for him
to want to destroy it utterly, or even to wound it in
curably. He struggles against it now, but always
wistfully, always with a sneaking respect. On the
day of Armageddon he may attempt a more violent
onslaught. But in 'the long run he will be beaten.
In the long run the corsairs will sell him out, and hand
him over to his enemy. Perhaps — who knows? —
the combat may raise that enemy to genuine strength
and dignity. Out of it may come the superman.
All the while I have been forgetting the third of
my reasons for remaining so faithful a citizen of the
Federation, despite all the lascivious inducements
58 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
from expatriates to follow them beyond the seas,
and all the surly suggestions from patriots that I
succumb. It is the reason which grows out of my
mediaeval but unashamed taste for the bizarre and
indelicate, my congenital weakness for comedy of
the grosser varieties. The United States, to my eye,
is incomparably the greatest show on earth. It is
a show which avoids diligently all the kinds of clown
ing which tire me most quidkly — for example, royal
ceremonials, the tedious hocus-pocus of haut poll-
tique, the taking of politics seriously — and lays
chief stress upon the kinds which delight me un
ceasingly — for example, the ribald combats of
demagogues, the exquisitely ingenious operations of
master rogues, the pursuit of witches and heretics,
the desperate struggles of inferior men to claw their
way into Heaven. We have clowns in constant
practice among us who are. as far above the clowns
of any other great state as a Jack Dempsey is above
a paralytic — and not a few dozen or score of them,
but whole droves and herds. Human enterprises
which, in all other Christian countries, are resigned
despairingly to an incurable dullness — things that
seem devoid of exhilarating amusement by their very
nature — are here lifted to such vast heights of
buffoonery that contemplating them strains the mid
riff almost to breaking. I cite an example: the wor
ship of God. Everywhere else on earth it is car-
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 59
ried on in a solemn and dispiriting manner; in Eng
land, of course, the bishops are obscene, but the
average man seldom gets a fair chance to laugh at
them and enjoy them. Now come home. Here we
not only have bishops who are enormously more
obscene than even the most gifted of the English
bishops; we have also a huge force of lesser spe
cialists in ecclesiastical mountebankery — tin-horn
Loyolas, Savonarolas and Xaviers of a hundred fan
tastic rites, each performing untiringly and each
full of a grotesque and illimitable whimsicality.
Every American town, however small, has one of its
own: a holy clerk with so fine a talent for introduc
ing the arts of jazz into the salvation of the damned
that his performance takes on all the gaudiness of
a four-ring circus, and the bald announcement that
he will raid Hell on such and such a night is enough
to empty all the town blind-pigs and bordellos and
pack his sanctuary to the doors. And to aid him and
inspire him there are traveling experts to whom he
stands in the relation of a wart to the Matterhorn —
stupendous masters of theological imbecility, con
trivers of doctrines utterly preposterous, heirs to the
Joseph Smith, Mother Eddy and John Alexander
Dowie tradition — Bryan, Sunday, and their like.
These are the eminences of the American Sacred
College. I delight in them. Their proceedings
make me a happier American.
60 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
Turn, now, to politics. Consider, for example, a
campaign for the Presidency. Would it be possible
to imagine anything more uproariously idiotic — a
deafening, nerve-wracking battle to the death between
Tweedledum and Tweedledee, Harlequin and Sgan-
arelle, Gobbo and Dr. Cook — the unspeakable, with
fearful snorts, gradually swallowing the inconceiv
able? I defy any one to match it elsewhere on this
earth. In other lands, at worst, there are at least in
telligible issues, coherent ideas, salient personalities.
Somebody says something, and somebody replies.
But what did Harding say in 1920, and what did Cox
reply? Who was Harding, anyhow, and who was
Cox? Here, having perfected democracy, we lift the
whole •combat to symbolism, to transcendentalism, to
metaphysics. Here we load a pair of palpably tin
cannon with blank cartridges charged with talcum
powder, and so let fly. Here one may howl over the
show without any uneasy reminder that it is serious,
and that some one may be hurt. I hold that this ele
vation of politics to the plane of undiluted comedy is
peculiarly American, that nowhere else on this dis
reputable ball has the art of the sham-battle been
developed to such fineness. Two experiences are in
point. During the Harding-Cox combat of bladders
an article of mine, dealing with some of its more
melodramatic phases, was translated into German and
reprinted by a Berlin paper. At the head of it the
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 61
editor was careful to insert a preface explaining to
his readers, but recently delivered to democracy, that
such contests were not taken seriously by intelligent
Americans, and warning them solemnly against get
ting into sweats over politics. At about the same
time I had dinner with an Englishman. From cock
tails to bromo seltzer he bewailed the political lassi
tude of the English populace — its growing indiffer
ence to the whole partisan harliquinade. Here were
two typical foreign attitudes: the Germans were in
danger of making politics too harsh and implacable,
and the English were in danger of forgetting politics
altogether. Both attitudes, it must be plain, make
for bad shows. Observing a German campaign,
one is uncomfortably harassed and stirred up; ob
serving an English campaign (at least in times of
peace), one falls asleep. In the United States the
thing is done better. Here politics is purged of all
menace, all sinister quality, all genuine significance,
and stuffed with such gorgeous humors, such inordi
nate farce that one comes to the end of a campaign
with one's ribs loose, and ready for "King Lear," or
a hanging, or a course of medical journals.
But feeling better for the laugh. Ridi si sapis,
said Martial. Mirth is necessary to wisdom, to com
fort, above all, to happiness. Well, here is the land
of mirth, as Germany is the land of metaphysics and
France is the land of fornication. Here the buffoon-
62 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
ery never stops. What could be more delightful
than the endless struggle of the Puritan to make the
joy of the minority unlawful and impossible? The
effort is itself a greater joy to one standing on the
side-lines that any or all of the carnal joys that it
combats. Always, when I contemplate an uplift er
at his hopeless business, I recall a scene in an old-
time burlesque show, witnessed for hire, in my days
as a dramatic critic. A chorus girl executed a fall
upon the stage, and Rudolph Krausemeyer, the Swiss
comedian, rushed to her aid. As he stooped pain
fully to succor her, Irving Rabinovitz, the Zionist
comedian, fetched him a fearful clout across the
cofferdam with a slap-stick. So the uplifter, the
soul-saver, the Americanizer, striving to make the Re
public fit for Y. M. C. A. secretaries. He is the
eternal American, ever moved by the best of inten
tions, ever running a la Krausemeyer to the rescue
of virtue, and ever getting his pantaloons fanned by
the Devil. I am naturally sinful, and such spec
tacles caress me. If the slap-stick were a sash-weight
the show would be cruel, and I'd probably complain
to the Polizei. As it is, I know that the uplifter is
not really hurt, but simply shocked. The blow, in
fact, does him good, for it helps to get him into
Heaven, as exegetes prove from Matthew v, 11:
Heureux serez-vous, lorsquon vous outragera, quon
vous persecute™, and so on. As for me, it makes me
ON BEING AN AMERICAN 63
a more contented man, and hence a better citizen.
One man prefers the Republic because it pays better
wages than Bulgaria. Another because it has laws
to keep him sober and his daughter chaste. Another
because the Woolworth Building is higher than the
cathedral at Chartres. Another because, living here,
he can read the New York Evening Journal. Another
because there is a warrant out for him somewhere
else. Me, I like it because it amuses me to my taste.
I never get tired of the show. It is worth every cent
it costs.
That cost, it seems to me is very moderate. Taxes
in the United States are not actually high. I figure,
for example, that my private share of the expense of
maintaining the Hon. Mr. Harding in ihe White
House this year will work out to less than 80 cents.
Try to think of better sport for the money: in New
York it has been estimated that it costs $3 to get
comfortably tight, and $17.50, on an average, to
pinch a girl's arm. The United States Senate will
cost me perhaps $11 for the year, but against that
expense set the subscription price of the Congressional
Record, about $15, which, as a journalist, I receive
for nothing. For $4 less than nothing I am thus en
tertained as Solomon never was by his hooch
dancers. Col. George Brinton McClellan Harvey
costs me but 25 cents a year; I get Nicholas Murray
Butler free. Finally, there is young Teddy Roose-
64 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
velt, the naval expert. Teddy costs me, as I work it
out, about 11 cents a year, or less than a cent a
month. More, he entertains me doubly for the
money, first as naval expert, and secondly as a -walk
ing attentat upon democracy, a devastating proof
that there is nothing, after all, in that superstition.
We Americans subscribe to the doctrine of human
equality — and the Rooseveltii reduce it to an ab
surdity as brilliantly as the sons of Veit Bach.
Where is your equal opportunity now? Here in
this Eden of clowns, with the highest rewards of
clowning theoretically open to every poor boy — here
in the very citadel of democracy we found and cherish
a clown dynasty!
II. HUNEKER: A MEMORY
THERE was a stimulating aliveness about him
always, an air of living eagerly and a bit
recklessly, a sort of defiant resiliency. In
his very frame and form something provocative
showed itself — an insolent singularity, obvious to
even the most careless glance. That Caligukm pro
file of his was more than simply unusual in a free
republic, consecrated to good works; to a respectable
American, encountering it in the lobby of the Metro
politan or in the smoke-room of a Doppelschrauben-
schnellpostdampfer, it must have suggested inevitably
the dark enterprises and illicit metaphysics of a
Heliogabalus. More, there was always something
rakish and defiant about his hat — it was too white, or
it curled in the wrong way, or a feather peeped from
the band — , and a hint of antinomianism in his cravat.
Yet more, he ran to exotic tastes in eating and drink
ing, preferring occult goulashes and risi-bisis to hon
est American steaks, and great floods of Pilsner to the
harsh beverages of God-fearing men. Finally, there
was his talk, that cataract of sublime trivialities : gos
sip lifted to the plane of the gods, the unmentionable
65
66 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
bedizened with an astounding importance, and even
profundity.
In his early days, when he performed the tonal and
carnal prodigies that he liked to talk of afterward, I
was at nurse, and too young to have any traffic with
him. When I encountered him at last he was in the
high flush of the middle years, and had already be
come a tradition in the little world that critics in
habit. We sat down to luncheon at one o'clock; I
think it must have been at Luchow's, his favorite
refuge and rostrum to the end. At six, when I had
to go, the waiter was hauling in his tenth (or was it
twentieth?) Seidel of Pilsner, and he was bringing to
a close prestissimo the most amazing monologue that
these ears (up to that time) had ever funnelled into
this consciousness. What a stew, indeed! Berlioz
and the question of the clang-tint of the viola, the
psychopathological causes of the suicide of Tschai-
kowsky, why .Nietzsche had to leave Sils Maria be
tween days in 1887, the echoes of Flaubert in Joseph
Conrad (then but newly dawned), the precise topog
raphy of the warts of Liszt, George Bernard Shaw's
heroic but vain struggles to throw off Presbyterianism,
how Frau Cosima saved Wagner from the libidinous
Swedish baroness, what to drink when playing
Chopin, what Cezanne thought of his disciples, the
defects in the structure of "Sister Carrie," Anton
Seidl and the musical union, the complex love affairs
HUNEKER: A MEMORY 67
of Gounod, the early days of David Belasco, the
varying talents and idiosyncrasies of Lillian Russell's
earlier husbands, whether a girl educated at Vassar
could ever really learn to love, the exact composition
of chicken paprika, the correct tempo of the Vienna
waltz, the style of William Dean Howells, what
George Moore said about German bathrooms, the
true inwardness of the affair between D'Annunzio
and Duse, the origin of the theory that all oboe
players are crazy, why Lowenbrau survived expor
tation better than Hofbrau, Ibsen's loathing of Nor
wegians, the best remedy for Rhine wine Kotzenjam-
mer, how to play Brahms, the degeneration of the Bal
Bullier, the sheer physical impossibility of getting
Dvorak drunk, the genuine last words of Walt Whit
man. . . .
I left in a sort of fever, and it was a couple of
days later before I began to sort out my impressions,
and formulate a coherent image. Was the man al
lusive in his books — so allusive that popular report
credited him with the actual manufacture of author
ities? Then he was ten times as allusive in his dis
course — a veritable geyser of unfamiliar names,
shocking epigrams in strange tongues, unearthly phi
losophies out of the backwaters of Scandinavia,
Transylvania, Bulgaria, the Basque country, the
Ukraine. And did he, in his criticism, pass facilely
from the author to die man, and from the man to his
68 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
wife, and to the wives of his friends? Then at the
Biertisch he began long beyond the point where the
last honest wife gives up the ghost, and so, full tilt,
ran into such complexities of adultery that a plain
sinner could scarcely follow him. I try to give you,
ineptly and grotesquely, some notion of the talk of
the man, but I must fail inevitably. It was, in brief,
chaos, and chaos cannot be described. But it was
chaos made to gleam and corruscate with every de
vice of the seven arts — chaos drenched in all the
colors imaginable, chaos scored for an orchestra
which made the great band of Berlioz seem like a fife
and drum corps. One night a few months before the
war, I sat in the Paris Opera House listening to the
first performance of Richard Strauss's "Josef's Leg
end," with Strauss himself conducting. On the stage
there was a riot of hues that swung the eyes 'round
and 'round in a crazy mazurka ; in the orchestra there
were such volleys and explosions of tone that the
ears (I fall into a Hunekeran trope) began to go pale
and clammy with surgical shock. Suddenly, above
all the uproar, a piccolo launched into a new and
saucy tune — in an unrelated key! . . . Instantly
and quite naturally, I thought of the incomparable
James. When he gave a show at Liichow's he never
forgot that anarchistic passage for the piccolo.
I observe a tendency since his death to estimate
him in terms of the content of his books. Even Frank
HVNEKER: A MEMORY 69
Harris, who certainly should know better, goes there
for the facts about him. Nothing could do him
worse injustice. In those books, of course, there is
a great deal of perfectly sound stuff; the wonder is,
in truth, that so much of it holds up so well to-day —
for example, the essays on Strauss, on Brahms and
on Nietzsche, and the whole volume on Chopin. But
the real Huneker never got himself formally between
covers, if one forgets "Old Fogy" and parts of
"Painted Veils." The volumes of his regular canon
are made up, in the main, of articles written for the
more intellectual magazines and newspapers of their
era, and they are full of a conscious striving to qual
ify for respectable company. Huneker, always cu
riously modest, never got over the notion that it was a
singular honor for a man such as he — a mere diurnal
scribbler, innocent of academic robes — to be pub
lished by so austere a publisher as Scribner. More
than once, anchored at the beer-table, we discussed
the matter at length, I always arguing that all the
honor was enjoyed by Scribner. But Huneker, I
believe in all sincerity, would not have it so, any
more than he would have it that he was a better music
critic than his two colleagues, the pedantic Krehbiel
and the nonsensical Finck. This illogical modesty,
of course, had its limits; it made him cautious about
expressing himself, but it seldom led him into down
right assumptions of false personality. Nowhere in
70 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
all his books will you find him doing the things that
every right-thinking Anglo-Saxon critic is supposed to
do — the Middleton Murry, Paul Elmer More, Glutton-
Brock sort of puerility — solemn essays on Coleridge
and Addison, abysmal discussions of the relative
merits of Schumann and Mendelssohn, horrible
treatises upon the relations of Goethe to the Romantic
Movement, dull scratchings in a hundred such ex
hausted and sterile fields. Such enterprises were
not for Huneker; he kept himself out of that black
coat. But I am convinced that he always had his own
raiment pressed carefully before he left Liichow's for
the temple of Athene — and maybe changed cravats,
and put on a boiled shirt, and took the feather out of
his hat. The simon-pure Huneker, the Huneker who
was the true essence and prime motor of the more
courtly Huneker — remained behind. This real Hun
eker survives in conversations that still haunt the
rafters of the beer-halls of two continents, and in a
vast mass of newspaper impromptus, thrown off too
hastily to be reduced to complete decorum, and in two
books that stand outside the official canon, and yet
contain the man himself as not even "Iconoclasts" or
the Chopin book contains him, to wit, the "Old Fogy"
aforesaid and the "Painted Veils" of his last year.
Both were published, so to speak, out of the back
door — the former by a music publisher in Philadel
phia and the latter in a small and expensive edition
HUNEKER: A MEMORY 71
for the admittedly damned. There is a chapter in
"Painted Veils" that is Huneker to every last hitch
of the shoulders and twinkle of the eye — the chapter
in which the hero soliloquizes on art, life, immor
tality, and women — especially women. And there
are half a dozen chapters in "Old Fogy" — superfici
ally buffoonery, but how penetrating! how gor
geously flavored! how learned! — that come com
pletely up to the same high specification. If I had
to choose one Huneker book and give up all the others,
I'd choose "Old Fogy" instantly. In it Huneker
is utterly himself. In it the last trace of the
pedagogue vanishes. Art is no longer, even by
implication, a device for improving the mind. It is
wholly a magnificent adventure.
That notion of it is what Huneker brought into
American criticism, and it is for that bringing that
he will be remembered. No other critic of his gen
eration had a tenth of his influence. Almost single-
handed he overthrew the aesthetic theory that had
flourished in the United States since the death of Poe,
and set up an utterly contrary aesthetic theory in
its place. If the younger men of to-day have
emancipated themselves from the Puritan aesthetic,
if the schoolmaster is now palpably on the defensive,
and no longer the unchallenged assassin of the fine
arts that he once was, if he has already begun to
compromise somewhat absurdly with new and
72 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
sounder ideas, and even to lift his voice in artificial
hosannahs, then Huneker certainly deserves all the
credit for the change. What he brought back from
Paris was precisely the thing that was most suspected
in the America of those days: the capacity for gusto.
Huneker had that capacity in a degree unmatched
by any other critic. When his soul went adventuring
among masterpieces it did not go in Sunday broad
cloth; it went with vine leaves in its hair. The rest
of the appraisers and criers-up — even Howells, with
all his humor — could never quite rid themselves of
the professorial manner. When they praised it was
always with some hint of ethical, or, at all events,
of cultural purpose; when tkey condemned that
purpose was even plainer. The arts, to them, con
stituted a sort of school for the psyche ; their aim was
to discipline and mellow the spirit. But to Huneker
their one aim was always to make the spirit glad —
to set it, in Nietzsche's phrase, to dancing with arms
and legs. He had absolutely no feeling for extra-
aesthetic valuations. If a work of art that stood
before him was honest, if it was original, if it was.
beautiful and thoroughly alive, then he was for it
to his last corpuscle. What if it violated all the
accepted canons? Then let the accepted canons go
hang! What if it lacked all purpose to improve and
lift up? Then so much the better! What if it
shocked all right-feeling men, and made them blush
HUNEKER: A MEMORY 73
and tremble? Then damn all men of right feeling
forevermore.
With this ethical atheism, so strange in the
United States -and so abhorrent to most Americans,
there went something that was probably also part
of the loot of Paris: an insatiable curiosity about
the artist as man. This curiosity was responsible
for two of Huneker's salient characters: his habit of
mixing even the most serious criticism with cynical
and often scandalous gossip, and his pervasive
foreignness. I believe that it is almost literally
true to say that he could never quite make
up his mind about a new symphony until he had seen
the composer's mistress, or at all events a good
photograph of her. He thought of Wagner, not
alone in terms of melody and harmony, but also in
terms of the Tribschen idyl and the Bayreuth tragi
comedy. Go through his books and you will see
how often he was fascinated by mere eccentricity of
personality. I doubt that even Huysmans, had he
been a respectable French Huguenot, would have in
terested him; certainly his enthusiasm for Verlaine,
Villiers de 1'Isle Adam and other such fantastic fish
was centered upon the men quite as much as upon the
artists. His foreignness, so often urged against him
by defenders of the national tradition, was grounded
largely on the fact that such eccentric personalities
were rare in the Republic — rare, and well watched
74 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
by the PolizeL When one bobbed up, he was alert
at once — even though the newcomer was only a
Roosevelt. The rest of the American people he dis
missed as a horde of slaves, goose-steppers, cads,
Methodists; he could not imagine one of them be- %
coming a first-rate artist, save by a miracle. Even
the American executant was under his suspicion, for
he knew very well that playing the fiddle was a great
deal more than scraping four strings of copper and
catgut with a switch from a horse's tail. What he
asked himself was how a man could play Bach
decently, and then, after playing, go from the hall to
a soda-fountain, or a political meeting, or a lecture
at the Harvard Club. Overseas there was a better
air for artists, and overseas Huneker looked for
them.
These fundamental theories of his, of course, had
their defects. They were a bit too simple, and often
very much too hospitable. Huneker, clinging to
them, certainly did his share of whooping for the
sort of revolutionist who is here to-day and gone
tomorrow; he was fugleman, in his time, for more
than one cause that was lost almost as soon as it was
stated. More, his prejudices made him somewhat
anaesthetic, at times, to the new men who were not
brilliant in color but respectably drab, and who tried
to do their work within the law. Particularly in
his later years, when the old gusto began to die out
HUNEKER: A MEMORY 75
and all that remained of it was habit, he was apt to
go chasing after strange birds and so miss seeing the
elephants go by. I could put together a very pretty
list of frauds that he praised. I could concoct
another list of genuine arrives that he overlooked.
But all that is merely saying that there were human
limits to him; the professors, on their side, have
sinned far worse, and in both directions. Looking
back over the whole of his work, one must needs be
amazed by the general soundness of his judgments.
He discerned, in the main, what was good and he
described it in terms that were seldom bettered after
ward. His successive heroes, always under fire when
he first championed them, almost invariably moved
to secure ground and became solid men, challenged
by no one save fools — Ibsen, Nietzsche, Brahms,
Strauss, -Cezanne, Stirner, Synge, the Russian com
posers, the Russian novelists. He did for this West
ern world what Georg Brandes was doing for
Continental Europe — sorting out the new comers with
sharp eyes, and giving mighty lifts to those who
deserved it. Brandes did it in terms of the old
academic bombast; he was never more the professor
than when he was arguing for some hobgoblin
of the professors. But Huneker did it with verve
and grace; he made it, not schoolmastering, but
a glorious deliverance from schoolmastering. As
I say, his influence was enormous. The fine arts,
76 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
at his touch, shed all their Anglo-American lugu-
briousness, and became provocative and joyous.
The spirit of senility got out of them and the spirit of
youth got into them. His criticism, for all its French
basis, was thoroughly American — vastly more
American, in fact, than the New England ponder
osity that it displaced. Though he was an East
erner and a cockney of the cockneys, he picked up
some of the Western spaciousness that showed itself
in Mark Twain. And all the young men followed
him.
A good many of them, I daresay, followed him
so ardently that they got a good distance ahead of
him, and often, perhaps, embarrassed him by taking
his name in vain. For all his enterprise and icono-
clasm, indeed, there was not much of the Berserker
in him, and his floutings of the national aesthetic
tradition seldom took the form of forthright chal
lenges. Here the strange modesty that I have men
tioned always stayed him as a like weakness stayed
Mark Twain. He could never quite rid himself of
the feeling that he was no more than an amateur
among the gaudy doctors who roared in the reviews,
and that it would be unseemly for him to forget their
authority. I have a notion that this feeling was
born in the days when he stood almost alone, with
the whole faculty grouped in a pained circle around
him. He was then too miserable a worm to be
HUNEKER: A MEMORY 77
noticed at all. Later on, gaining importance, he was
lectured somewhat severely for his violation of de
corum; in England even Max Beerbohm made an
idiotic assault upon him. It was the Germans and
the French, in fact, who first praised him intelli
gently — and these friends were too far away to help
a timorous man in a row at home. This sensation
of isolation and littleness, I suppose, explains his
fidelity to the newspapers, and the otherwise inex
plicable joy that he always took in his forgotten work
for the Musical Courier, in his day a very dubious
journal. In such waters he felt at ease. There he
could disport without thought of the dignity of pub
lishers and the eagle eyes of campus reviewers.
Some of the connections that he formed were full of
an ironical inappropriateness. His discomforts in
his Puck days showed themselves in the feebleness
of his work ; when he served the Times he was as well
placed as a Cabell at a colored ball. Perhaps the
Sun, in the years before it was munseyized, offered
him the best berth that he ever had, save it were his
old one on Mile. New York. But whatever the flag,
he served it loyally, and got a lot of fun out of the
business. He liked the pressure of newspaper work;
he liked the associations that it involved, the gabble-
in the press-room of the Opera House, the exchanges
of news and gossip; above all, he liked the relative
ease of the intellectual harness. In a newspaper
78 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
article he could say whatever happened to pop into
his mind, and if it looked thin the next day, then
there was, after all, no harm done. But when he sat
down to write a book — or rather to compile it, for
all of his volumes were reworked magazine (and
sometimes newspaper) articles — he became self-
conscious, and so knew uneasiness. The tightness
of his style, its one salient defect, was probably the
result of this weakness. The corrected clippings
that constituted most of his manuscripts are so be-
laden with revisions and rerevisions that they are
almost indecipherable.
Thus the growth of Huneker's celebrity in his later
years filled him with wonder, and never quite con
vinced him. He was certainly wholly free from any
desire to gather disciples about him and found a
school. There was, of course, some pride of author
ship in him, and he liked to know that his books were
read and admired; in particular, he was pleased by
their translation into German and Czech. But it
seemed to me that he shrank from the bellicosity that
so often got into praise of them — that he disliked
being set up as the opponent and superior of the
professors whom he always vaguely respected and
the rival newspaper critics whose friendship he es
teemed far above their professional admiration, or
even respect. I could never draw him into a dis
cussion of these rivals, save perhaps a discussion of
HUNEKER: A MEMORY 79
their historic feats at beer-guzzling. He wrote vastly
better than any of them and knew far more about the
arts than most of them, and he was undoubtedly aware
of it in his heart, but it embarrassed him to hear this
superiority put into plain terms. His intense
gregariousness probably accounted for part of
this reluctance to pit himself against them; he could
not imagine a world without a great deal of easy
comradeship in it, and much casual slapping of
backs. But under it all was the chronic underes
timation of himself that I have discussed — his fear
that he had spread himself over too many arts, and
that his equipment was thus defective in every one
of them. "Steeplejack" is full of this apologetic
timidity. In its very title, as he explains it, there
is a confession of inferiority that is almost maudlin:
"Life has been the Barmecide's feast to me," and
so on. In the book itself he constantly takes refuge
in triviality from the harsh challenges of critical par
ties, and as constantly avoids facts that would shock
the Philistines. One might reasonably assume,
reading it from end to end, that his early days in
Paris were spent in the fashion of a Y. M. C. A.
secretary. A few drinking bouts, of course, and a
love affair in the manner of Dnbuque, Iowa — but
where are the wenches?
More than once, indeed, the book sinks to down
right equivocation — for example, in the Roosevelt
80 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
episodes. Certainly no one who knew Huneker in
life will ever argue seriously that he was deceived by
the Roosevelt buncombe, or that his view of life was
at all comparable to that of the great demagogue.
He stood, in fact, at the opposite pole. He saw the
world, not as a moral show, but as a sort of glorified
Follies. He was absolutely devoid of that obsession
with the problem of conduct which was Roosevelt's
main virtue in the eyes of a stupid and superstitious
people. More, he was wholly against Roosevelt on
many concrete issues — the race suicide banality, the
Panama swindle, the war. He was far too much the
realist to believe in the American case, either before
or after 1917, and the manner in which it was urged,
by Roosevelt and others, violated his notions of truth,
honor and decency. I assume nothing here; I
simply record what he told me himself. Never
theless, the sheer notoriety of the Rough Rider — his
picturesque personality and talent as a mounte
bank — had its effect on Huneker, and so he was a bit
flattered when he was summoned to Oyster Bay, and
there accepted gravely the nonsense that was poured
into his ear, and even repeated some of it without a
cackle in his book. To say that he actually believed
in it would be to libel him. It was precisely such
hollow tosh that he stood against in his role of critic
of art and life; it was by exposing its hollowness
that he lifted himself above the general. The same
HUNEKER: 'A MEMORY 81
weakness induced him to accept membership in the
National Institute of Arts and Letters. The offer of
it to a man of his age and attainments, after he had
been passed over year after year in favor of all sorts
of cheapjack novelists and tenth-rate compilers of
college textbooks, was intrinsically insulting; it was
almost as if the Musical Union had offered to admit
a Brahms. Bu* with the insult went a certain gage
of respectability, a certain formal forgiveness for
old frivolities, a certain abatement of old doubts and
self -questionings and so Huneker accepted. Later
on, reviewing the episode in his own mind, he found
it the spring of doubts that were even more uncom
fortable. His last letter to me was devoted to the
matter. He was by then eager to maintain that he
had got in by a process only partly under his control,
and that, being in, he could discover no decorous way
of getting out.
But perhaps I devote too much space to the elements
in the man that worked against his own free de
velopment. They were, after all, grounded upon
qualities that are certainly not to be deprecated —
modesty, good-will to his fellow-men, a fine sense
of team-work, a distaste for acrimonious and useless
strife. These qualities gave him great charm. He
was not only humorous; he was also good-humored;
even when the crushing discomforts of his last ill
ness were upon him his amiability never faltered.
82 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
And in addition to humor there was wit, a far rarer
thing. His most casual talk was full of this wit, and
it bathed everything that he discussed in a new and
brilliant light. I have never encountered a man
who was further removed from dullness; it seemed a
literal impossibility for him to open his mouth with
out discharging some word or phrase that arrested the
attention and stuck in the memory. And under it
all, giving an extraordinary quality to the verbal fire
works, there was a solid and apparently illimitable
learning. The man knew as much as forty average
men, and his knowledge was well-ordered and in
stantly available. He had read everything and had
seen everything and heard everything, and nothing
that he had ever read or seen or heard quite passed
out of his mind.
Here, in three words, was the main virtue of his
criticism — its gigantic richness. It had the dazzling
charm of an ornate and intricate design, a blazing
fabric of fine silks. It was no mere pontifical state
ment of one man's reactions to a set of ideas ; it was a
sort of essence of the reactions of many men — of all
the men, in fact, worth hearing. Huneker discarded
their scaffolding, their ifs and whereases, and pre
sented only what was important and arresting in
their conclusions. It was never a mere pastiche: the
selection was made delicately, discreetly, with almost
unerring taste and judgment. And in the summing
HUNEKER: A MEMORY 83
up there was always the clearest possible statement
of the whole matter. What finally emerged was a
body of doctrine that came, I believe, very close
to the truth. Into an assembly of national critics
who had long wallowed in dogmatic puerilities, Hun-
eker entered with a taste infinitely surer and more
civilized, a learning infinitely greater, and an ad
dress infinitely more engaging. No man was less the
reformer by inclination, and yet he became a re
former beyond compare. He emancipated criticism
in America from its old slavery to stupidity, and
with it he emancipated all the arts themselves.
III. FOOTNOTE ON CRITICISM
NEARLY all the discussions of criticism that I
am acquainted with start off with a false
assumption, to wit, that the primary mo
tive of the critic, the impulse which makes a critic of
him instead of, say, a politician, or a stockbroker, is
pedagogical — that he writes because he is possessed
by a passion to advance the enlightenment, to put
down error and wrong, to disseminate some specific
doctrine: psychological, epistemological, historical,
or aesthetic. This is true, it seems to me, only of
bad critics, and its degree of truth increases in direct
ratio to their badness. The motive of the critic
who is really worth reading — the only critic of
whom, indeed, it may be said truthfully that it is
at all possible to read him, save as an act of mental
discipline — is something quite different. That
motive is not the motive of the pedagogue, but the
motive of the artist. It is no more and no less than
the simple desire to function freely and beautifully,
to give outward and objective form to ideas that
bubble inwardly and have a fascinating lure in them,
to get rid of them dramatically and make an articu-
84
FOOTNOTE ON CRITICISM 85
late noise in the world. It was for this reason that
Plato wrote the "Republic," and for this reason that
Beethoven wrote the Ninth Symphony, and it is for
this reason, to drop a million miles, that I am writ
ing the present essay. Everything else is after
thought, mock-modesty, messianic delusion — in brief,
affectation and folly. Is the contrary conception of
criticism widely cherished? Is it almost universally
held that the thing is a brother to jurisprudence, ad
vertising, laparotomy, chautauqua lecturing and the
art of the schoolmarm? Then certainly the fact that
it is so held should be sufficient to set up an over
whelming probability of its lack of truth and sense.
If I speak with some heat, it is as one who has
suffered. When, years ago, I devoted myself dili
gently to critical pieces upon the writings of Theo
dore Dreiser, I found that practically every one who
took any notice of my proceedings at all fell into
either one of two assumptions about my underlying
purpose: (a) that I had a fanatical devotion for Mr.
Dreiser's ideas and desired to propagate them, or (6)
that I was an ardent patriot, and yearned to lift up
American literature. Both assumptions were false.
I had then, and I have now, very little interest in
many of Mr. Dreiser's main ideas; when we meet,
in fact, we usually quarrel about them. And I am
wholly devoid of public spirit, and haven't the least
lust to improve American literature; if it ever came
86 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
to what I regard as perfection my job would be gone.
What, then, was my motive in writing about Mr.
Dreiser so copiously? My motive, well known to
Mr. Dreiser himself and to every one else who knew,
me as intimately as he did, was simply and solely •
to sort out and give coherence to the ideas of Mr.
Mencken, and to put them into suave and ingratiat
ing terms, and to discharge them with a flourish,
and maybe with a phrase of pretty song, into the
dense fog that blanketed the Republic.
The critic's choice of criticism rather than of what
is called creative writing is chiefly a matter of tem
perament — perhaps, more accurately of hormones —
with accidents of education and environment to help.
The feelings that happen to be dominant in him at
the moment the scribbling frenzy seizes him are feel
ings inspired, not directly by life itself, but by books,
pictures, music, sculpture, architecture, religion,
philosophy — in brief, by some other man's feelings
about life. They are thus, in a sense, secondhand,
and it is no wonder that creative artists so easily
fall into the theory that they are also second-rate.
Perhaps they usually are. If, indeed, the critic con
tinues on this plane — if he lacks the intellectual agil
ity and enterprise needed to make the leap from the
work of art to the vast and mysterious complex of
phenomena behind it — then they always are, and he
remains no more than a fugelman or policeman to
FOOTNOTE 0.\ CRITICISM 87
his betters. But if a genuine artist is concealed
within him — if his feelings are in any sense pro
found and original, and his capacity for self-ex
pression is above the average of educated men — then
he moves inevitably from the work of art to life it
self, and begins to take on a dignity that he formerly
lacked. It is impossible to think of a man of any
actual force and originality, universally recognized
as having those qualities, who spent his whole life
appraising and describing the work of other men.
Did Goethe, or Carlyle, or Matthew Arnold, or
Sainte-Beuve, or Macaulay, or even, to come down
a few pegs, Lewes, or Lowell, or Hazlitt? Cer
tainly not. The thing that becomes most obvious
about the writings of all such men, once they are ex
amined carefully, is that the critic is always being
swallowed up by the creative artist — that what starts
out as the review of a book, or a play, or other work
of art, usually develops very quickly into an inde
pendent essay «pon the theme of that work of art, or
upon some theme that it suggests — in a word, that
it becomes a fresh work of art, and only indirectly
related to the one that suggested it This fact, in
deed, is so plain that it scarcely needs statement
What the pedagogues always object to in, for ex
ample, the Quarterly reviewers is that they forgot
the books they were supposed to review, and wrote
long papers — often, in fact, small books — expound-
88 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
ing ideas suggested (or not suggested) by the books
under review. Every critic who is worth reading
falls inevitably into the same habit. He cannot stick
to his task: what is before him is always infinitely
less interesting to him than what is within him. If
he is genuinely first-rate — if what is within him
stands the test of type, and wins an audience, and
produces the reactions that every artist craves — then
he usually ends by abandoning the criticism of spe
cific works of art altogether, and setting up shop as
a general merchant in general ideas, i. e., as an art
ist working in the materials of life itself.
Mere reviewing, however conscientiously and com
petently it is done, is plainly a much inferior busi
ness. Like writing poetry, it is chiefly a function of
intellectual immaturity. The young literatus just out
of the university, having as yet no capacity for grap
pling with the fundamental mysteries of existence, is
put to writing reviews of books, or plays, or music,
or painting. Very often he does it extremely well;
it is, in fact, not hard to do well, for even decayed
pedagogues often do it, as such graves of the intel
lect as the New York Times bear witness. But if
he continues to do it, whether well or ill, it is a
sign to all the world that his growth ceased when
they made him Artium JBaccalaureus. Gradually
he becomes, whether in or out of the academic grove,
a professor, which is to say, a man devoted to dilut-
FOOTNOTE ON CRITICISM 89
ing and retailing the ideas of his superiors — not an
artist, not even a bad artist, hut almost the antith
esis of an artist. He is learned, he is sober, he is
painstaking and accurate — but he is as hollow as a
jug. Nothing is in him save the ghostly echoes of
other men's thoughts and feelings. If he were a
genuine artist he would have thoughts and feelings
of his own, and the impulse to give them objective
form would be irresistible. An artist can no more
withstand that impulse than a politician can with
stand the temptations of a job. There are no mute,
inglorious Miltons, save in the hallucinations of
poets. The one sound test of a Milton is that he
functions as a Milton. His difference from other
men lies precisely in the superior vigor of his im
pulse to self-expression, not in the superior beauty
and loftiness of his ideas. Other men, in point of
fact, often have the same ideas, or perhaps even lof
tier ones, but they are able to suppress them, usually
on grounds of decorum, and so they escape being art
ists, and are respected by right-thinking persons,
and die with money in the bank, and are forgotten
in two weeks.
Obviously, the critic whose performance we are
commonly called upon to investigate is a man stand
ing somewhere along the path leading from the begin
ning that I have described to the goal. He has got
beyond being a mere cataloguer and valuer of other
90 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
men's ideas, but he has not yet become an autono
mous artist — he is not yet ready to challenge atten
tion with his own ideas alone. But it is plain that
his motion, in so far as he is moving at all, must be
in the direction of that autonomy — that is, unless
one imagines him sliding backward into senile infan
tilism: a spectacle not unknown to literary pathol
ogy, but too pathetic to be discussed here. Bear
this motion in mind, and the true nature of his aims
and purposes becomes clear; more, the incurable fal
sity of the aims and purposes usually credited to him
becomes equally clear. He is not actually trying to
perform an impossible act of arctic justice upon the
artist whose work gives him a text. He is not trying
with mathematical passion to find out exactly what
was in that artist's mind at the moment of creation,
and to display it precisely and in an ecstasy of appre
ciation. He is not trying to bring the work discussed
into accord with some transient theory of aesthetics, or
ethics, or truth, or to determine its degree of depar
ture from that theory. He is not trying to lift up
the fine arts, or to defend democracy against sense,
or to promote happiness at the domestic hearth, or
to convert sophomores into right-thinkers, or to serve
God. He is not trying to fit a group of novel phe
nomena into the orderly process of history. He is not
even trying to discharge the catalytic office that I
myself, in a romantic moment, once sought to force
FOOTNOTE ON CRITICISM 91
upon him. He is, first and last, simply trying to
express himself. He is trying to arrest and chal
lenge a sufficient body of readers, to make them pay
attention to him, to impress them with the charm
and novelty of his ideas, to provoke them into an
agreeable (or shocked) awareness of him, and he is
trying to achieve thereby for his own inner ego the
grateful feeling of a function performed, a tension
relieved, a katharsis attained which Wagner achieved
when he wrote "Die Walkiire," and a hen achieves
every time she lays an egg.
Joseph Conrad is moved by that necessity to write
romances; Bach was moved to write music; poets
are moved to write poetry; critics are moved to write
criticism. The form is nothing ; the only important
thing is the motive power, and it is the same in all
cases. It is the pressing yearning of every man
who has ideas in him to empty them upon the world,
to hammer them into plausible and ingratiating
shapes, to compel the attention and respect of his
equals, to lord it over his inferiors. So seen, the
critic becomes a far more transparent and agreeable
fellow than ever he was in the discourses of the psy
chologists who sought to make him a mere appraiser
in an intellectual customs house, a gauger in a
distillery of the spirit, a just and infallible judge
upon the cosmic bench. Such offices, in point of
fact, never fit him. He always bulges over their con-
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fines. So labelled and estimated, it inevitably turns
out that the specific critic under examination is a
very bad one, or no critic at all. But when he ii
thought of, not as pedagogue, but as artist, then he
begins to take on reality, and, what is more, dignity.
Carlyle was surely no just and infallible judge; on
the contrary, he was full of prejudices, biles,
naivetes, humors. Yet he is read, consulted, at
tended to. Macaulay was unfair, inaccurate, fanci
ful, lyrical — yet his essays live. Arnold had his
faults too, and so did Sainte-Beauve, and so did
Goethe, and so did many another of that line — and
yet they are remembered to-day, and all the learned
and conscientious critics of their time, laboriously
concerned with the precise intent of the artists under
review, and passionately determined to set it forth
with god-like care and to relate it exactly to this or
that great stream of ideas — all these pedants are
forgotten. What saved Carlyle, Macaulay and com
pany is as plain as day. They were first-rate art
ists. They could make the thing charming, and
that is always a million times more important than
making it true.
Truth, indeed, is something that is believed in
completely only by persons who have never tried
personally to pursue it to its fastnesses and grab
it by the tail. It is the adoration of second-rate men
— men who always receive it at second-hand. Peda-
FOOTNOTE ON CRITICISM 93
gogues believe in immutable truths and spend their
lives trying to determine them and propagate them;
the intellectual progress of man consists largely of a
concerted effort to block and destroy their enterprise.
Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is
actually no truth to be discovered ; there is only error
to be exposed. In whole departments of human in
quiry it seems to me quite unlikely that the truth
ever will be discovered. Nevertheless, the rubber-
stamp thinking of the world always makes the assump
tion that the exposure of an error is identical with
the discovery of the truth — that error and truth
are simple opposites. They are nothing of the sort.
What the world turns to, when it has been cured of
one error, is usually simply another error, and maybe
one worse than the first one. This is the whole his
tory of the intellect in brief. The average man of
to-day does not believe in precisely the same imbe
cilities that the Greek of the fourth century before
Christ believed in, but the things that he does be
lieve in are often quite as idiotic. Perhaps this
statement is a bit too sweeping. There is, year by
year, a gradual accumulation of what may be called,
provisionally, truths — there is a slow accretion of
ideas that somehow manage to meet all practicable
human tests, and so survive. But even so, it is risky
to call them absolute truths* All that one may safely
say of them is that no one, as yet, has demonstrated
94 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
that they are errors. Soon or late, if experience
teaches us anything, they are likely to succumb too.
The profoundest truths of the Middle Ages are now
laughed at by schoolboys. The profoundest truths
of democracy will be laughed at, a few centuries
hence, even by school-teachers.
In the department of aesthetics, wherein critics
mainly disport themselves, it is almost impossible to
think of a so-called truth that shows any sign of be
ing permanently true. The most profound of prin
ciples begins to fade and quiver almost as soon as
it is stated. But the work of art, as opposed to the
theory behind it, has a longer life, particularly if
that theory be obscure and questionable, and so can
not be determined accurately. "Hamlet," the Mona
Lisa, "Faust," "Dixie," "Parsifal," "Mother Goose,"
"Annabel Lee," "Huckleberry Finn" — these things,
so baffling to pedagogy, so contumacious to the cate
gories, so mysterious in purpose and utility — these
things live. And why? Because there is in them
the flavor of salient, novel and attractive personal
ity, because the quality that shines from them is not
that of correct demeanor but that of creative passion,
because they pulse and breathe and speak, because
they are genuine works of art. So with criticism.
Let us forget all the heavy effort to make a science of
it; it is a fine art, or nothing. If the critic, retir
ing to his cell to concoct his treatise upon a book or
FOOTNOTE ON CRITICISM 95
play or what-not, produces a piece of writing that
shows sound structure, and brilliant color, and the
flash of new and persuasive ideas, and civilized man
ners, and the charm of an uncommon personality in
free function, then he has given something to the
world that is worth having, and sufficiently justified
his existence. Is Carlyle's "Frederick" true? Who
cares? As well ask if the Parthenon is true, or the
G Minor Symphony, or "Wiener Blur." Let the
critic who is an artist leave such necropsies to pro
fessors of aesthetics, who can no more determine the
truth than he can, and will infallibly make it un
pleasant and a bore.
It is, of course, not easy to practice this absten
tion. Two forces, one within and one without, tend
to bring even a Hazlitt or a Huneker under the cam
pus pump. One is the almost universal human sus
ceptibility to messianic delusions — the irresistible
tendency of practically every man, once he finds
a crowd in front of him, to strut and roll his eyes.
The other is the public demand, born of such long
familiarity with pedagogical criticism that no other
kind is readily conceivable, that the critic teach
something as well as say something — in the popular
phrase, that he be constructive. ' Both operate pow
erfully against his free functioning, and especially
the former. He finds it hard to resist the flattery of
his customers, however little he may actually esteem
96 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
it. If he knows anything at all, he knows that his
following, like that of every other artist in ideas,
is chiefly made up of the congenitally subaltern type
of man and woman — natural converts, lodge joiners,
me-toos, stragglers after circus parades. It is pre
cious seldom that he ever gets a positive idea out of
them; what he usually gets is mere unintelligent ratifi
cation. But this troop, despite its obvious failings,
corrupts him in various ways. For one thing, it
enormously reenforces his belief in his own i'
and so tends to make him stiff and dogmatic—in
brief, precisely everything that he ought not to be.
And for another thing, it tends to make him (by a cu
rious contradiction) a bit pliant and politk: he be
gins to estimate new ideas, not in proportion as they
are amusing or beautiful, but in proportion as they
are likely to please. So beset, front and rear, he
sometimes sinks supinely to the level of a professor,
and his subsequent proceedings are interesting no
more. The true aim of a critic is certainly not to
make converts. He must know that very few of the
persons who are susceptible to conversion are
worth converting. Their minds are intrinsically
flabby and parasitical, and it is certainly not sound
sport to agitate minds of that sort. Moreover, the
critic must always harbor a grave doubt about most
of the ideas that they lap up so greedily — it must oc
cur to him not infrequently, in the silent watches of
FOOTNOTE ON CRITICISM 97
the night, that much that he writes is sheer buncombe.
A* I have said, I can't imagine any idea — that is, in
the domain of aesthetics — that is palpably and incon-
trovertibly sound. All that I am familiar with, and
in particular all that I announce most vociferously,
•66P1 to me to contain a core of quite obvious non
sense. I thus try to avoid cherishing them too lov
ingly, and it always gives me a shiver to see any one
else gobble them at one gulp. Criticism, at bottom,
is indistinguishable from skepticism. Both launch
themselves, the one by aesthetic presentations and the
other by logical presentations, at the common human
tendency to accept whatever is approved, to take in
ideas ready-made, to be responsive to mere rhetoric
and gesticulation. A critic who believes in anything
absolutely is bound to that something quite as help
lessly as a Christian is bound to the Freudian gar
bage in the Book of Revelation. To that extent, at
all events, he is unfree and unintelligent, and hence
a bad critic.
The demand for "constructive" criticism is based
upon the same false assumption that immutable
truths exist in the arts, and that the artist will be
improved by being made aware of them. This
notion, whatever the form it takes, is always absurd
— as much so, indeed, as its brother delusion that
the critic, to be competent, must be a practitioner of
the specific art he ventures to deal with, i. e., that
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a doctor, to cure a belly-ache, must have a belly-ache.
As practically encountered, it is disingenuous as well
as absurd, for it comes chiefly from bad artists who
tire of serving as performing monkeys, and crave
the greater ease and safety of sophomores in class.
They demand to be taught in order to avoid being
knocked about. In their demand is the theory that
instruction, if they could get it, would profit them —
that they are capable of doing better work than they
do. As a practical matter, I doubt that this is ever
true. Bad poets never actually grow any better;
they invariably grow worse and worse. In all his
tory there has never been, to my knowledge, a single
practitioner of any art who, as a result of "construc
tive" criticism, improved his work. The curse of
all the arts, indeed, is the fact that they are constantly
invaded by persons who are not artists at all — per
sons whose yearning to express their ideas and feel
ings is unaccompanied by the slightest capacity for
charming expression — in brief, persons with abso
lutely nothing to say. This is particularly true of
the art of letters, which interposes very few techni
cal obstacles to the vanity and garrulity of such in
vaders. Any effort to teach them to write better
is an effort wasted, as every editor discovers for him
self; they are as incapable of it as they are of jump
ing over the moon. The only sort of criticism that
can deal with them to any profit is the sort that em-
FOOTNOTE ON CRITICISM 99
ploys them frankly as laboratory animals. It can
not cure them, but it can at least make an amusing
and perhaps edifying show of them. It is idle to
argue that the good in them is thus destroyed with the
bad. The simple answer is that there is no good in
them. Suppose Poe had wasted his time trying to
dredge good work out of Rufus Dawes, author of
"Geraldine." He would have failed miserably —
and spoiled a capital essay, still diverting after three-
quarters of a century. Suppose Beethoven, dealing
with Gottfried Weber, had tried laboriously to make
an intelligent music critic of him. How much more
apt, useful and durable the simple note: "Arch-ass!
Double-barrelled ass!" Here was absolutely sound
criticism. Here was a judgment wholly beyond chal
lenge. Moreover, here was a small but perfect
work of art.
Upon the low practical value of so-called con
structive criticism I can offer testimony out of my
own experience. My books are commonly reviewed
at great length, and many critics devote themselves
to pointing out what they conceive to be my errors,
both of fact and of taste. Well, I cannot recall a
case in which any suggestion offered by a construc
tive critic has helped me in the slightest, or even ac
tively interested me. Every such wet-nurse of letters
has sought fatuously to make me write in a way dif
fering from that in which the Lord God Almighty,
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in His infinite wisdom, impels me to write — that is,
to make me write stuff which, coming from me, would
'be as false as an appearance of decency in a Con
gressman. All the benefits I have ever got from the
critics of my work have come from the destructive
variety. A hearty slating always does me good,
particularly if it be well written. It begins by enlist
ing my professional respect; it ends by making me
examine my ideas coldly in the privacy of my
chamber. Not, of course, that I usually revise them,
but I at least examine them. If I decide to hold
fast to them, they are all the dearer to me thereafter,
and I expound them with a new passion and plau
sibility. If, on the contrary, I discern holes in them,
I shelve them in a pianissimo manner, and set about
hatching new ones to take their place. But construc
tive criticism irritates me. I do not object to being
denounced, but I can't abide being school-mastered,
especially by men I regard as imbeciles.
I find, as a practicing critic, that very few men
who write books are even as tolerant as I am — that
most of them, soon or late, show signs of extreme
discomfort under criticism, however polite its terms.
Perhaps this is why enduring friendships between
authors and critics are so rare. All artists, of
course, dislike one another more or less, but that
dislike seldom rises to implacable enmity, save
between opera singer and opera singer, and creative
FOOTNOTE ON CRIf^KM: "101
author and critic. Even when the latter two keep up
an outward show of good-will, there is always bitter
antagonism under the surface. Part of it, I daresay,
arises out of the impossible demands of the critic,
particularly if he be tinged with the constructive
madness. Having favored an author with his good
opinion, he expects the poor fellow to live up to that
good opinion without the slightest compromise or
faltering, and this is commonly beyond human
power. He feels that any let-down compromises
him — that his hero is stabbing him in the back, and
making him ridiculous — and this feeling rasps his
vanity. The most bitter of all literary quarrels
are those between critics and creative artists, and
most of them arise in just this way. As for the
creative artist, he on his part naturally resents the
critic's air of pedagogical superiority and he resents
it especially when he has an uneasy feeling that he
has fallen short of his best work, and that the dis
content of the critic is thus justified. Injustice is
relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice.
Under it all, of course, lurks the fact that I began
with: the fact that the critic is himself an artist, and
that his creative impulse, soon or late, is bound to
make him neglect the punctilio. When he sits down
to compose his criticism, his artist ceases to be a
friend, and becomes mere raw material for his work
of art. It is my experience that artists invariably
P'RPJt/DICES: THIRD SERIES
resent this cavalier use of them. They are pleased
so long as the critic confines himself to the modest
business of interpreting them — preferably in terms
of their own estimate of themselves — but the moment
he proceeds to adorn their theme with variations
of his own, the moment he brings new ideas to the
enterprise and begins contrasting them with their
ideas, that moment they grow restive. It is pre
cisely at this point, of course, that criticism becomes
genuine criticism; before that it was mere reviewing.
When a critic passes it he loses his friends. By
becoming an artist, he becomes the foe of all other
artists.
But the transformation, I believe, has good effects
upon him: it makes him a better critic. Too much
Gemiltlichkeit is as fatal to criticism as it would be
to surgery or politics. When it rages unimpeded
it leads inevitably either to a dull professorial stick
ing on of meaningless labels or to log-rolling, and
often it leads to both. One of the most hopeful
symptoms of the new Aufklarung in the Republic is
the revival of acrimony in criticism — the renaissance
of the doctrine that aesthetic matters are important,
and that it is worth the while of a healthy male to
take them seriously, as he takes business, sport and
amour. In the days when American literature was
showing its first vigorous growth, the native criticism
was extraordinarily violent and even vicious; in the
FOOTNOTE ON CRITICISM 103
days when American literature swooned upon the
tomb of the Puritan Kultur it became flaccid and
childish. The typical critic of the first era was
Poe, as the typical critic of the second was Howells.
Poe carried on his critical jehads with such ferocity
that he often got into law-suits, and sometimes ran
no little risk of having his head cracked. He re
garded literary questions as exigent and momentous.
The lofty aloofness of the don was simply not in
him. When he encountered a book that seemed to
him to be bad, he attacked it almost as sharply as
a Chamber of Commerce would attack a fanatic
preaching free speech, or the corporation of Trinity
Church would attack Christ. His opponents replied
in the same Berserker manner. Much of Poe's
surviving ill-fame, as a drunkard and dead-beat,
is due to their inordinate denunciations of him.
They were not content to refute him; they constantly
tried to dispose of him altogether. The very fero
city of that ancient row shows that the native litera
ture, in those days, was in a healthy state. Books
of genuine value were produced. Literature always"
thrives best, in fact, in an atmosphere of hearty
strife. Poe, surrounded by admiring professors,
never challenged, never aroused to the emotions of
revolt, would probably have written poetry indis
tinguishable from the hollow stuff of, say, Prof.
Dr. George E. Woodberry. It took the persistent
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(and often grossly unfair and dishonorable) oppo
sition of Griswold et al to stimulate him to his high
est endeavors. He needed friends, true enough, but
he also needed enemies.
To-day, for the first time in years, there is strife in
American criticism, and the Paul Elmer Mores and
Hamilton Wright Mabies are no longer able to purr
in peace. The instant they fall into stiff professorial
attitudes they are challenged, and often with anything
but urbanity. The ex cathedra manner thus passes
out, and free discussion comes in. Heretics lay on
boldly, and the professors are forced to make some
defense. Often, going further, they attempt counter
attacks. Ears are bitten off. Noses are bloodied.
There are wallops both above and below the belt.
I am, I need not say, no believer in any magical
merit in debate, no matter how free it may be. It
certainly does not necessarily establish the truth;
both sides, in fact, may be wrong, and they often
are. But it at least accomplishes two important
effects. On the one hand, it exposes all the cruder
fallacies to hostile examination, and so disposes of
many of them. And on the other hand, it melodrama-
tizes the business of the critic, and so convinces
thousands of bystanders, otherwise quite inert, that
criticism is an amusing and instructive art, and that
the problems it deals with are important. What men
will fight for seems to be worth looking into.
IV. DAS KAPITAL
AFTER a hearty dinner of potage Creole,
planked Chesapeake shad, Guinea hen
en casserole and some respectable salad,
with two or three cocktails made of two-thirds gin,
one-third Martini-Rossi vermouth and a dash of ab
sinthe as Vorspiel and a bottle of Ruhlander 1903 to
wash it down, the following thought often bubbles up
from my subconscious: that many of the acknowl
edged evils of capitalism, now so horribly visible in
the world, are not due primarily to capitalism itself
but rather to democracy, that universal murrain of
Christendom.
What I mean, in brief, is that capitalism, under
democracy, is constantly unde'r hostile pressure and
often has its back to the wall, and that its barbaric
manners and morals, at least in large part, are due
to that fact — that they are, in essence, precisely the
same manners and morals that are displayed by any
other creature or institution so beset. Necessity is
not only the mother of invention; it is also the mother
106
106 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
of every imaginable excess and infamy. A woman
defending her child is notoriously willing to go to
lengths that even a Turk or an agent of the Depart
ment of Justice would regard as inordinate, and so
is a Presbyterian defending his hell, or a soldier
defending his fatherland, or a banker defending his
gold. It is only when there is no danger that the
average human being is honorable, just as it is only
when there £5 danger that he is virtuous. He would
commit adultery every day if it were safe, and he
would commit murder every day if it were necessary.
The essential thing about democracy, as every one
must know, is that it is a device for strengthening and
heartening the have-nots in their eternal war upon
the haves. That war, as every one knows again, has
its psychological springs in envy pure and simple —
envy of the more fortunate man's greater wealth, the
superior pulchritude of his wife or wives, his larger
mobility and freedom, his more protean capacity
for and command of happiness — in brief, his better
chance to lead a bearable life in this worst of pos
sible worlds. It follows that under democracy,
which gives a false power and importance to the
have-nots by counting every one of them as the legal
equal of George Washington or Beethoven, the process
of government consists largely, and sometimes almost
exclusively, of efforts to spoil that advantage ar
tificially. Trust-busting, free silver, direct elections,
DAS KAP1TAL 107
Prohibition, government ownership and all the other
varieties of American political quackery are but
symptoms of the same general rage. It is the rage
of the have-not against the have, of the farmer who
must drink hard cider and forty-rod against the city
man who may drink Burgundy and Scotch, of the
poor fellow who must stay at home looking at a wife
who regards the lip-stick as lewd and lascivious
against the lucky fellow who may go to Atlantic City
or Palm Beach and ride up and down in a wheel
chair with a girl who knows how to make up and has
put away the fear of God.
The ignobler sort of men, of course, are too stupid
to understand various rare and exhilarating sorts
of superiority, and so they do not envy the happiness
that goes with them. If they could enter into the
mind of a Wagner or a Brahms and begin to com
prehend the stupendous joy that such a man gets out
of the practice of his art, they would pass laws
against it and make a criminal of him, as they have
already made criminals, in the United States, of the
man with a civilized taste for wines, the man so at
tractive to women that he can get all the wives he
wants without having to marry them, and the man
who can make pictures like Felicien Rops, or books
like Flaubert, Zola, Dreiser, Cabell or Rabelais.
Wagner and Brahms escape, and their arts with them,
because the great masses of men cannot understand
108 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
the sort of thing they try to do, and hence do not envy
the man who does it well, and gets joy out of it. It
is much different with, say, Rops. Every American
Congressman, as a small boy, covered the fence of
the Sunday-School yard with pictures in the manner
of Rops. What he now remembers of the business
is that the pictures were denounced by the super
intendent, and that he was cowhided for making
them; what he hears about Rops, when he hears at
all, is that the fellow is vastly esteemed, and hence
probably full of a smug aesthetic satisfaction. In
consequence, it is unlawful in the United States to
transmit the principal pictures of Rops by mail, or,
indeed, "to have and possess" them. The man who
owns them must conceal them from the okhrdna of
the Department of Justice just as carefully as he
conceals the wines and whiskeys in his cellar, or the
poor working girl he transports from the heat and
noise of New York to the salubrious calm of the
Jersey coast, or his hand-tooled library set of the
"Contes Drolatiques," or his precious first edition of
"Jurgen."
But, as I say, the democratic pressure in such
directions is relatively feeble, for there are whole
categories of more or less aesthetic superiority and
happiness that the democrat cannot understand at
all, and is in consequence virtually unaware of. It
is far different with the varieties of superiority and
DAS KAP1TAL 109
happiness that are the functions of mere money.
Here the democrat is extraordinarily alert and
appreciative. He can not only imagine hundreds
of ways of getting happiness out of money; he
devotes almost die whole of his intellectual activity,
such as it is, to imagining them, and he seldom if ever
imagines anything else. Even his sexual fancies
translate themselves instantly into concepts of dollars
and cents; the thing that confines him so miserably
to one wife, and to one, alas, so unappetizing and
depressing, is simply his lack of money; if he
only had the wealth of Diamond Jim Brady he
too would be the glittering Don Giovanni that Jim
was. All the known species of democratic political
theory are grounded firmly upon this doctrine that
money, and money only, makes the mare go — that
all the conceivable varieties of happiness are
possible to the man who has it. Even the Socialists,
who profess to scorn money, really worship it.
Socialism, indeed, is simply the degenerate cap
italism of bankrupt capitalists. Its one genuine
object is to get more money for its professors; all
its other grandiloquent objects are afterthoughts, and
most of them are bogus. The democrats of other
schools pursue the same single aim — and adorn it
with false pretenses even more transparent. In the
United States the average democrat, I suppose, would
say that the establishment and safeguarding of liberty
110 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
was the chief purpose of democracy. The theory is
mere wind. The average American democrat really
cares nothing whatever for liberty, and is always
willing to sell it for money. What he actually
wants, and strives to get by his politics, is more
money. His fundamental political ideas nearly
all contemplate restraints and raids upon capital,
even when they appear superficially to be quite
free from economic flavor, and most of the political
banshees and bugaboos that alternately freeze and
boil his blood have dollar marks written all over
them. There is no need to marshal a long catalogue
of examples from English and American political
history: I simply defy any critic of my doctrine to
find a single issue of genuine appeal to the populace,
at any time during the past century, that did not in
volve a more or less obvious scheme for looting a
minority — the slave-owners, Wall Street, the rail
roads, the dukes, or some other group representing
capital. Even the most affecting idealism of the
plain people has a thrifty basis. In the United
States, during the early part of the late war, they
were very cynical about the Allied cause; it was not
until the war orders of the Allies raised their wages
that they began to believe in the noble righteousness
of Lloyd-George and company. And after Dr.
Wilson had jockeyed the United States itself into the
war, and the cost of living began to increase faster
DAS KAPITAL 111
than wages, he faced a hostile country until he
restored altruism by his wholesale bribery of la
bor.
It is my contention that the constant exposure
of capitalism to such primitive lusts and forays is
what makes it so lamentably extortionate and uncon
scionable in democratic countries, and particularly
in the United States. The capitalist, warned by ex
perience, collars all he can while the getting is good,
regardless of the commonest honesty and decorum,
because he is haunted by an uneasy feeling that his
season will not be long. His dominating passion is
to pile up the largest amount of capital possible, by
fair means or foul, so that he will have ample reserves
when the next raid comes, and he has to use part of it
to bribe one part of the proletariat against the other.
In the long run, of course, he always wins, for this
bribery is invariably feasible; in the United States,
indeed, every fresh struggle leaves capital
more secure than it was before. But though the
capitalist thus has no reason to fear actual defeat
and disaster, he is well aware that victory is
always expensive, and his natural prudence causes
him to discount the cost in advance, even when he has
planned to shift it to other shoulders. I point, in
example, to the manner in which capital dealt with
the discharged American soldiers after the
war. Its first effort was to cajole them into its ser-
112 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
vice, as they had been cajoled by the politicians
after the Civil War. To this end, it borrowed the
machine erected by Dr. Wilson and his agents for
debauching the booboisie during the actual war, and
by the skillful use of that machine it quickly organ
ized the late conscripts into the American Legion,
alarmed them with lies about a Bolshevist scheme to
make slaves of them (i. e., to cut off forever their
hope of getting money), and put them to clubbing
and butchering their fellow proletarians. The bus
iness done, the conscripts found themselves
out of jobs: their gallant war upon Bolshe
vism had brought down wages, and paralysed or
ganized labor. They now demanded pay for their
work, and capital had to meet the demand. It did so
by promising them a bonus — d. e., loot — out of the
public treasury, and by straightway inventing a
scheme whereby the ultimate cost would fall chiefly
upon poor folk.
Throughout the war, indeed, capital exhibited an
inordinately extortionate spirit, and thereby re
vealed its underlying dread. First it robbed the
Allies in the manner of bootleggers looting a country
distillery, then it swindled the plain people at home
by first bribing them with huge wages and then
taking away all their profits and therewith all their
savings, and then it seized and made away with the
impounded property of enemy nationals — property
DAS KAPITAL 113
theoretically held in trust for them, and the booty, if
it was booty at all, of the whole American people.
This triple burglary was excessive, to be sure, but
who will say that it was not prudent? The capitalists
of the Republic are efficient, and have foresight.
They saw some lean and hazardous years ahead, with
all sorts of raids threatening. They took measures
to fortify their position. To-day their prevision is
their salvation. They are losing some of their ac
cumulation, of course, but they still have enough
left to finance an effective defense of the remainder.
There was never any time in the history of any
country, indeed, when capital was so securely in
trenched as it is to-day in the United States. It has
divided the proletariat into two bitterly hostile
halves, it has battered and crippled unionism almost
beyond recognition, it has a firm grip upon all three
arms of the government, and it controls practically
every agency for the influencing of public opinion,
from the press to the church. Had it been less pru
dent when times were good, and put its trust in God
alone, the I. W. W. would have rushed it at the end
of the war.
As I say, I often entertain the thought that it
would be better, in the long run, to make terms with
a power so hard to resist, and thereby purge it of its
present compulsory criminality. I doubt that cap
italists, as a class, are naturally vicious; certainly
114 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
they are no more vicious than, say, lawyers and poli
ticians — upon whom the plain people commonly
rely, in their innocence, to save them. I have known
a good many men of great wealth in my time, and
most of them have been men showing all the custom
ary decencies. They deplore the harsh necessities
of their profession quite as honestly as a judge de
plores the harsh necessities of his. You will never
convince me that the average American banker,
during the war, got anything properly describable as
professional satisfaction out of selling Liberty bonds
at 100 to poor stenographers, and then buying them
back at 83. He knew that he'd need his usurious
profit against the blue day when the boys came home,
and so he took it, but it would have given him ten
times as much pleasure if it had come from the re
luctant gizzard of some other banker. In brief,
there is a pride of workmanship in capitalists, just
as there is in all other men above the general. They
get the same spiritual lift out of their sordid swin
dles that Swinburne got out of composing his boozy
dithyrambs, and I often incline to think that it is
quite as worthy of respect. In a democratic society,
with the arts adjourned and the sciences mere concu
bines of money, it is chiefly the capitalists, in fact,
who keep pride of workmanship alive. In their
principal enemies, the trades-unionists, it is almost
Lextinet. Unionism seldom, if ever, uses such power
DAS KAPITAL 115
as it has to insure better work; almost always it de
votes a large part of that power to safeguarding bad
work. A union man who, moved by professional
pride, put any extra effort into his job would prob
ably be punished by his union as a sort of scab. But
a capitalist is still able to cherish some of the old
spirit of die guildsman. If he invents a new device
for corralling the money of those who have earned it,
or operates an old device in some new and brilliant
way, he is honored and envied by his colleagues.
The late J. Pierpont Morgan was thus honored and
envied, not because he made more actual money than
any other capitalist of his time — in point of fact, he
made a good deal less than some, and his own son-, a
much inferior man, has made more since his death
than he did during his whole life — but because his
operations showed originality, daring, coolness, and
imagination — in brief, because he was a great vir
tuoso in the art he practiced.
What I contend is that the democratic system of
government would be saner and more effective in its
dealings with capital if it ceased to regard all capi
talists as criminals ipso facto, and thereby ceased to
make their armed pursuit the chief end of practical
politics — if it gave over this vain effort to put them
down by force, and tried to bring them to decency by
giving greater play and confidence to the pride of
workmanship that I have described. They would be
116 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
less ferocious and immoderate, I think, if they were
treated with less hostility, and put more upon their
conscience and honor. No doubt the average demo
crat, brought up upon the prevailing superstitions and
prejudices of his faith, will deny at once that they
are actually capable of conscience or honor, or that
they have any recognizable pride of workmanship.
Well, let him deny it. He will make precisely the
same denial with respect to kings. Nevertheless, it
must be plain to every one who has read history at
tentively that the majority of the kings of the past,
even when no criticism could reach them, showed a
very great pride of workmanship — that they tried to
be good kings even when it was easier to be bad ones.
The same thing is true of the majority of capitalists
— the kings of to-day. They are criminals by our
democratic law, but their criminality is chiefly arti
ficial and theoretical, like that of a bootlegger. If
it were abolished by repealing the laws which create
it — if it became legally just as virtuous to organize
and operate a great industrial corporation, or to com
bine and rehabilitate railroads, or to finance any
other such transactions as it is to organize a trades-
union, a Bauverein, or a lodge of Odd Fellows — then
I believe that capitalists would forthwith abandon a
great deal of the scoundrelism which now marks
their proceedings, that they could be trusted to police
their order at least as vigilantly as physicians or
DAS KAPITAL 117
lawyers police theirs, and that the activities of those
members of it who showed no pride of workmanship
at all would be effectively curbed.
The legal war upon them under democracy is
grounded upon the false assumption that it would be
possible, given laws enough, to get rid of them alto
gether. The Ur- Americanos, who set the tone of our
legislation and provided examples for the legislation
of every other democratic country, were chiefly what
would be called Bolsheviki to-day. They dreamed
of a republic wholly purged of capitalism — and taxes.
They were have-nots of the most romantic and ambi
tious variety, and saw Utopia before them. Every
man of their time who thought capitalistically — that
is, who believed that things consumed had to be paid
for — was a target for their revilings: for example,
Alexander Hamilton. But they were wrong, and
their modern heirs and assigns are wrong just as
surely. That wrongness of theirs, in truth, has
grown enormously since it was launched, for the early
Americans were a pastoral people, and could get
along with very little capital, whereas the Americans
of to-day lead a very complex life, and need the aid
of capitalism at almost every breath they draw.
Most of their primary necessities — the railroad, the
steamship lines, the trolley car, the telephone, re
frigerated meats, machine-made clothes, phonograph
records, moving-picture shows, and so on — are
118 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
wholly unthinkable save as the products of capital in
large aggregations. No man of to-day can imagine
doing without them, or getting them without the aid
of such aggregations. The most even the wildest
Socialist can think of is to take the capital away from
the capitalists who now have it and hand it over to
the state — in other words, to politicians. A century
ago there were still plenty of men who, like Thoreau,
proposed to abolish it altogether. But now even the
radicals of the extreme left assume as a matter of
course that capital is indispensible, and that abolish
ing it or dispersing it would cause a collapse of civili
zation.
What ails democracy, in the economic department,
is that it proceeds upon the assumption that the con
trary is true — that it seeks to bring capitalism to a
state of innocuous virtue by grossly exaggerating its
viciousness — that it penalizes ignorantly what is, at
bottom, a perfectly natural and legitimate aspiration,
and one necessary to society. Such penalizings, I
need not argue, never destroy the impulse itself;
surely the American experience with Prohibition
should make even a democrat aware of that. What
they do is simply to make it evasive, intemperate, and
relentless. If it were legally as hazardous in the
United States to play a string quartette as it is to
build up a great bank or industrial enterprise — if
the performers, struggling with their parts, had to
DAS KAPITAL 119
watch the windows in constant fear that a Bryan, a
Roosevelt, a Lloyd-George or some other such preda
tory mountebank would break in, armed with a club
and followed by a rabble — then string quartette
players would become as devious and anti-social in
their ways as the average American capitalist is to
day, and when, by a process of setting one part of
the mob against the rest, they managed to get a chance
to play quartettes in temporary peace, despite the
general mob hatred of them, they would forget the
lovely music of Haydn and Mozart altogether, and
devote their whole time to a fortissimo playing of the
worst musical felonies of Schonberg, Ravel and
Strawinsky.
V. AD IMAGINEM DEI CREAVIT
ILLUM
The Life of Man
THE old anthropomorphic notion that the life
of the whole universe centers in the life of
man — that human existence is the supreme
expression of the cosmic process — this notion seems to
be on its way toward the Sheol of exploded delusions.
The fact is that the life of man, as it is more and more
studied in the light of general biology, appears to be
more and more empty of significance. Once appar
ently the chief concern and masterpiece of the gods,
the human race now begins to bear the aspect of
an accidental by-product of their vast, inscrutable
and probably nonsensical operations. A blacksmith
making a horse-shoe produces something almost as
brilliant and mysterious — the shower of sparks. But
his eye and thought, as we know, are not on the
sparks, but on the horse-shoe. The sparks, indeed,
constitute a sort of disease of the horse-shoe; their
120
AD IMAGINEM DEI CREAVIT ILLUM 121
existence depends upon a wasting of its tissue. In the
same way, perhaps, man is a local disease of the cos
mos — a kind of pestiferous eczema or urethritis.
There are, of course, different grades of eczema, and
so are there different grades of men. No d&ubt a
cosmos afflicted with nothing worse than an infection
of Beethovens would not think it worth while to send
for the doctor. But a cosmos infested by prohi
bitionists, Socialists, Scotsmen and stockbrokers must
suffer damnably. No wonder the sun is so hot and
the moon is so diabetically green!
The Anthropomorphic Delusion
As I say, the anthropomorphic theory of the
world is made absurd by modern biology — but
that is not saying, of course, that it will ever be
abandoned by the generality of men. To the con
trary, they will cherish it in proportion as it becomes
more and more dubious. To-day, indeed, it is cher
ished as it was never cherished in the Ages of Faith,
when the doctrine that man was god-like was at least
ameliorated by the doctrine that woman was vile.
What else is behind charity, philanthropy, pacifism,
Socialism, the uplift, all the rest of the current
sentimentalities? One and all, these sentimen
talities are based upon the notion that man is a
122 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
glorious and ineffable animal, and that his continued
existence in the world ought to be facilitated and in
sured. But this notion is obviously full of fatuity.
As animals go, even in so limited a space as our
world, man is botched and ridiculous. Few other
brutes are so stupid or so cowardly. The common
est yellow dog has far sharper senses and is infinitely
more courageous, not to say more honest and depend
able. The ants and the bees are, in many ways, far
more intelligent and ingenious; they manage their
government with vastly less quarreling, wastefulness
and imbecility. The lion is more beautiful, more
dignified, more majestic. The antelope is swifter
and more graceful. The ordinary house-cat is
cleaner. The horse, foamed by labor, has a better
smell. The gorilla is kinder to his children and
more faithful to his wife. The ox and the ass are
more industrious and serene. But most of all, man
is deficient in courage, perhaps the noblest quality
of them all. He is not only mortally afraid of all
other animals of his own weight or half his weight —
save a few that he has debased by artificial inbreed
ing — ; he is even mortally afraid of his own kind —
and not only of their fists and hooves, but even of
their sniggers.
No other animal is so defectively adapted to its
environment. The human infant, as it comes into
the world, is so puny that if it were neglected for
AD 1M AGIN EM DEI CREAV1T ILLUM 123
two days running it would infallibly perish, and this
congenital infirmity, though more or less concealed
later on, persists until death. Man is ill far more
than any other animal, both in his savage state and
under civilization. He has more different diseases
and he suffers from them oftener. He is easier
exhausted and injured. He dies more horribly and
usually sooner. Practically all the other higher
vertebrates, at least in their wild state, live longer
and retain their faculties to a greater age. Here
even the anthropoid apes are far beyond their human
cousins. An orang-outang marries at the age of
seven or eight, raises a family of seventy or eighty
children, and is still as hale and hearty at eighty as
a European at forty-five.
All the errors and incompetencies of the Creator
reach their climax in man. As a piece of mechanism
he is the worst of them all; put beside him, even a
salmon or a staphylococcus is a sound and efficient
machine. He has the worst kidneys known to com
parative zoology, and the worst lungs, and the worst
heart. His eye, considering the work it is called
upon to do, is less efficient than the eye of an earth
worm; an optical instrument maker who made an
instrument so clumsy would be mobbed by his
customers. Alone of all animals, terrestrial, celes
tial or marine, man is unfit by nature to go abroad in
the world he inhabits. He must clothe himself, pro-
124 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
tect himself, swathe himself, armor himself. He is
eternally in the position of a turtle born without a
shell, a dog without hair, a fish without fins. Lack
ing his heavy and cumbersome trappings, he is de
fenseless even against flies. As God made him he
hasn't even a tail to switch them off.
I now come to man's one point of unquestionable
natural superiority: he has a soul. This is what
sets him off from all other animals, and makes him,
in a way, their master. The exact nature of that
soul has been in dispute for thousands of years, but
regarding its function it is possible to speak with
some authority. That function is to bring man into
direct contact with God, to make him aware of God,
above all, to make him resemble God. Well, con
sider the colossal failure of the device! If we as
sume thatjnan actually does resemble God, then we
are forced into the impossible theory that God is a
coward, an idiot and a bounder. And if we assume
that man, after all these years, does not resemble
God, then it appears at once that the human soul is
as inefficient a machine as the human liver or tonsil,
and that man would probably be better off, as the
chimpanzee undoubtedly is better off, without it.
Such, indeed, is the case. The only practical
effect of having a soul is that it fills man with an
thropomorphic and anthropocentric vanities — in
brief with cocky and preposterous superstitions.
AD 1M AGIN EM DEI CREAVIT ILLUM 125
He struts and plumes himself because he has this
soul — and overlooks the fact that it doesn't work.
Thus he is the supreme clown of creation, the
reductio ad absurdum of animated nature. He is
like a cow who believed that she could jump over
the moon, and ordered her whole life upon that
theory. He is like a bullfrog boasting eternally of
fighting lions, of flying over the Matterhorn, and
of swimming the Hellespont. And yet this is the
poor brute we are asked to venerate as a gem in the
forehead of the cosmos! This is the worm we are
asked to defend as God's favorite on earth, with all
its millions of braver, nobler, decenter quadrupeds —
its superb lions, its lithe and gallant leopards, its
imperial elephants, its honest dogs, its courageous
rats! This is the insect wre are besought, at infinite
trouble, labor and expense, to reproduce!
Meditation on Meditation.
Man's capacity for abstract thought, which most
other mammals seem to lack, has undoubtedly given
him his present mastery of the land surface of the
earth — a mastery disputed only by several hundred
species of microscopic organisms. It is responsible
for his feeling of superiority, and under that feeling
there is undoubtedly a certain measure of reality, at
126 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
least within narrow limits. But what is too often
overlooked is that the capacity to perform an act is by
no means synonymous with its salubrious exercise.
The simple fact is that most of man's thinking is
stupid, pointless, and injurious to him. Of all
animals, indeed, he seems the least capable of arriv
ing at accurate judgments in the matters that most
desperately affect his welfare. Try to imagine a rat,
in the realm of rat ideas, arriving at a notion as vio
lently in contempt of plausibility as the notion, say,
of Swedenborgianism, or that of homeopathy, or that
of infant damnation, or that of mental telepathy.
Try to think of a congregation of educated rats
gravely listening to such disgusting intellectual rub
bish as was in the public bulls of Dr. Woodrow
Wilson. Man's natural instinct, in fact, is never
toward what is sound and true; it is toward what is
specious and false. Let any great nation of modern
times be confronted by two conflicting propositions,
the one grounded upon the utmost probability and
reasonableness and the other upon the most glaring
error, and it will almost invariably embrace the
latter. It is so in politics, which consists wholly of
a succession of unintelligent crazes, many of them
so idiotic that they exist only as battle-cries and
shibboleths and are not reducible to logical statement
at all. It is so in religion, which, like poetry, is
simply a concerted effort to deny the most obvious
•
— - 1 ,, -— — _^Hr
*/<*
AD 1MAGINEM DEI CREAVIT ILLUM 127
realities. It is so in nearly every field of thought.
The ideas that conquer the race most rapidly and
arouse the wildest enthusiasm and are held most
tenaciously are precisely the ideas that are most in
sane. This has been true since the first "advanced"
gorilla put on underwear, cultivated a frown and
began his first lecture tour in the first chautauqua,
and it will be so until the high gods, tired of the
farce at last, obliterate the race with one great, final
blast of fire, mustard gas and streptococci.
No doubt the imagination of man is to blame for
this singular weakness. That imagination, I dare
say, is what gave him his first lift above his fellow
primates. It enabled him to visualize a condition of
existence better than that he wras experiencing, and
bit by bit he was able to give the picture a certain
crude reality. Even to-day he keeps on going ahead
in the same manner. That is, he thinks of some
thing that he would like to be or to get, something
appreciably better than what he is or has, and then,
by the laborious, costly method of trial and error, he
gradually moves toward it. In the process he is
often severely punished for his discontent with God's
ordinances. He mashes his thumb, he skins his shin;
he stumbles and falls; the prize he reaches out for
blows up in his hands. But bit by bit he moves on,
or, at all events, his heirs and assigns move on. Bit
by bit he smooths the path beneath his remaining
128 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
leg, and achieves pretty toys for his remaining hand
to play with, and accumulates delights for his remain
ing ear and eye.
Alas, he is not content with this slow and san
guinary progress! Always he looks further and
further ahead. Always he imagines things just over
the sky-line. This body of imaginings constitutes
his stock of sweet beliefs, his corpus of high faiths
and confidences — in brief, his burden of errors.
And that burden of errors is what distinguishes man,
even above his capacity for tears, his talents as a liar,
his excessive hypocrisy and poltroonery, from all
the other orders of mammalia. Man is the yokel
par excellence, the booby unmatchable, the king dupe
of the cosmos. He is chronically and unescapably
deceived, not only by the other animals and by the
delusive face of nature herself, but also and more
particularly by himself — by his incomparable talent
for searching out and embracing what is false, and
for overlooking and denying what is true.
The capacity for discerning the essential truth, in
fact, is as rare among men as it is common among
crows, bullfrogs and mackerel. The man who shows
it is a man of quite extraordinary quality — perhaps
even a man downright diseased. Exhibit a new truth
of any natural plausibilty before the great masses
of men, and not one in ten thousand will suspect its
existence, and not one in a hundred thousand will
AD IM AGIN EM DEI CREAV1T ILLUM 129
embrace it without a ferocious resistance. All the
durable truths that have come into the world within
historic times have been opposed as bitterly as if they
were so many waves of smallpox, and every individ
ual who has welcomed and advocated them, abso
lutely without exception, has been denounced and
punished as an enemy of the race. Perhaps "abso
lutely without exception" goes too far. I substitute
"with five or six exceptions." But who were the five
or six exceptions? I leave you to think of them;
myself, I can't. . . . But I think at once of Charles
Darwin and his associates, and of how they were
reviled in their time. This reviling, of course, is
less vociferous than it used to be, chiefly because
later victims are in the arena, but the underlying
hostility remains. Within the past two years the
principal Great Thinker of Britain, George Bernard
Shaw, has denounced the hypothesis of natural selec
tion to great applause, and a three-times candidate
for the American Presidency, William Jennings
Bryan, has publicly advocated prohibiting the teach
ing of it by law. The great majority of Christian
ecclesiastics in both English-speaking countries, and
with them the great majority of their catachumens,
are still committed to the doctrine that Darwin was a
scoundrel, and Herbert Spencer another, and Huxley
a third — and that Nietzsche is to the three of them
what Beelzebub himself is to a trio of bad boys.
130 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
This is the reaction of the main body of respectable
folk in two puissant and idealistic Christian nations to
the men who will live in history as the intellectual
leaders of the Nineteenth Century. This is the imme
morial attitude of men in the mass, and of their
chosen prophets, to whatever is honest, and important,
and most probably true.
But if truth thus has hard sledding, error is given
a loving welcome. The man who invents a new
imbecility is hailed gladly, and bidden to make him
self at home; he is, to the great masses of men, the
beau ideal of mankind. Go back through the history
of the past thousand years and you will find that nine-
tenths of the popular idols of the world — not the
heroes of small sects, but the heroes of mankind in
the mass — have been merchants of palpable nonsense.
It has been so in politics, it has been so in religion,
and it has been so in every other department of human
thought. Every such hawker of the not-true has been
opposed, in his time, by critics who denounced and
refuted him; his contention has been disposed of
immediately it was uttered. But on the side of every
one there has been the titanic force of human cre
dulity, and it has sufficed in every case to destroy his
foes and establish his immortality.
AD IM AGIN EM DEI CREAVIT ILLUM 131
Man and His Soul
Of all the unsound ideas thus preached by great
heroes and accepted by hundreds of millions of their
eager dupes, probably the most patently unsound is
the one that is most widely held, to wit, the idea that
man has an immortal soul — that there is a part of him
too ethereal and too exquisite to die. Absolutely the
only evidence supporting this astounding notion lies
in the hope that it is true — which is precisely the
evidence underlying the late theory that the Great
War would put an end to war, and bring in an era of
democracy, freedom, and peace. But even arch
bishops, of course, are too intelligent to be satisfied
permanently by evidence so unescapably dubious;
in consequence, there have been efforts in all ages to
give it logical and evidential support. Well, all I
ask is that you give some of that corroboration your
careful scrutiny. Examine, for example, the proofs
amassed by five typical witnesses in five wridely
separated ages: St. John, St. Augustine, Martin
Luther, Emanuel Swedenborg and Sir Oliver Lodge.
Approach these proofs prayerfully, and study them
well. Weigh them in the light of the probabilities,
the ordinary intellectual decencies. And then ask
132 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
yourself if you could imagine a mud-turtle accepting
them gravely.
5
Coda
To sum up:
1. The cosmos is a gigantic fly-wheel making
10,000 revolutions a minute.
2. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it.
3. Religion is the theory that the wheel was de
signed and set spinning to give him the ride.
i
VI. STAR-SPANGLED MEN
OPEN the memoirs of General Grant, Volume
II, at the place where he is describing the sur
render of General Lee, and find the following:
I was without a sword, as I usually was when on horse
back on (sic) the field, and wore a soldier's blouse for a
coat, with the shoulder straps of my rank to indicate to the
army who I was.
Anno 1865. I look out of my window and
observe an officer of the United States Army passing
down the street. Anno 1922. Like General Grant,
he is without a sword. Like General Grant, he wears
a sort of soldier's blouse for a coat. Like General
Grant, he employs shoulder straps to indicate to the
army who he is. But there is something more. On
the left breast of this officer, apparently a major,
there blazes so brilliant a mass of color that, as the
sun strikes it and the flash bangs my eyes, I wink,
catch my breath and sneeze. There are two long
strips, each starting at the sternum and disap
pearing into the shadows of the axillia — every hue in
the rainbow, the spectroscope, the kaleidoscope —
133
134 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
imperial purples, sforzando reds, wild Irish greens,
romantic blues, loud yellows and oranges,
rich maroons, sentimental pinks, all the half-tones
from ultra-violet to infra-red, all the vibrations from
the impalpable to the unendurable. A gallant Soldat,
indeed! How he would shame a circus ticketwagon
if he wore all the medals and badges, the stars and
crosses, the pendants and lavallieres, that go with,
those ribbons! ... I glance at his sleeves. A
simple golden stripe on the one — six months beyond
the raging main. None on the other — the Kaiser's
cannon missed him.
Just what all these ribbons signify I am sure I
don't know; probably they belong to campaign medals
and tell the tale of butcheries in foreign and domestic
parts — mountains of dead Filipinos, Mexicans,
Haitians, Dominicans, West Virginia miners, per
haps even Prussians. But in addition to campaign
medals and the Distinguished Service Medal there
are now certainly enough foreign orders in the United
States to give a distinct brilliance to the national
scene, viewed, say, from Mars. The Frederician
tradition, borrowed by the ragged Continentals and
embodied in Article I, Section 9, of the Constitution,
lasted until 1918, and then suddenly blew up; to
mention it to-day is a sort of indecorum, and to-mor
row, no doubt, will be a species of treason. Down
with Frederick; up with John Philip Sousa! Im-
STAR-SPANGLED MEN 135
agine what General Pershing would look like at a
state banquet of his favorite American order, the
Benevolent and Protective one of Elks, in all the
Byzantine splendor of his casket of ribbons, badges,
stars, garters, sunbursts and cockades — the lordly
Bath of the grateful motherland, with its somewhat
disconcerting "Ich dien"; the gorgeous tricolor bal
drics, sashes and festoons of the Legion d'Honneur;
the grand cross of SS. Maurizio e Lazzaro of Italy; the
sinister Danilo of Montenegro, with its cabalistic
monogram of Danilo I and its sinister hieroglyphics;
the breastplate of the Paulownia of Japan, with its
rising sun of thirty-two white rays, its blood-red heart, *
its background of green leaves and its white ribbon
edged with red; the mystical St. Saviour of Greece,
with its Greek motto and its brilliantly enameled
figure of Christ; above all, the Croix de Guerre of
Czecho-Slovakia, a new one and hence not listed in the
books, but surely no shrinking violet! Alas, Per
shing was on the wrong side — that is, for one with a
fancy for gauds of that sort. The most blinding
of all known orders is the Medijie of Turkey, which
not only entitles the holder to four wives, but also
absolutely requires him to wear a red fez and a frozen
star covering his whole fagade. I was offered this
order by Turkish spies during the war, and it wab
bled me a good deal. The Alexander of Bulgaria is
almost as seductive. The badge consists of an eight-
136 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
pointed white cross, with crossed swords between the
arms and a red Bulgarian lion over the swords. The
motto is "Za Chrabrost!" Then there are the Prus
sian orders — the Red and Black Eagles, the Pour le
Merite, the Prussian Crown, the Hohenzollern and the
rest. And the Golden Fleece of Austria — the noblest
of them all. Think of the Golden Fleece on a man
born in Linn County, Missouri! ... I begin to
doubt that the General would have got it, even sup
posing him to have taken the other side. The Japs,
I note, gave him only the grand cordon of the Paul-
ownia, and the Belgians and Montenegrins were sim
ilarly cautious. There are higher classes. The
highest of the Paulownia is only for princes, which is
to say, only for non-Missourians.
Pershing is the champion, with General March a
bad second. March is a K. C. M. G., and entitled to
wear a large cross of white enamel bearing a litho
graph of the Archangel Michael and the motto,
"Auspicium Melioris Aevi," but he is not a K. C. B.
Admirals Benson and Sims are also grand crosses of
Michael and George, and like most other respectable
Americans, members of the Legion of Honor, but
they seem to have been forgotten by the Greeks, the
Montenegrins, the Italians and the Belgians. The
British-born and extremely Anglomaniacal Sims
refused the Distinguished Service Medal of his
adopted country, but is careful to mention in "Who's
STAR-SPANGLED MEN 137
Who in America" that his grand cross of Michael and
George was conferred upon him, not by some servile
gold-stick, hut by "King George of England"; Benson
omits mention of His Majesty, as do Pershing and
March. It would be hard to think of any other
American officer, real or bogus, who would refuse
the D. S. M., or, failing it, the grand decoration of
chivalry of the Independent Order of Odd Fellows.
I once saw the latter hung, with ceremonies of the
utmost magnificence, upon a bald-headed tinner who
had served the fraternity long and faithfully; as he
marched down the hall toward the throne of the
Supreme Exalted Pishposh a score of little girls, the
issue of other tinners, strewed his pathway with
roses, and around the stem of each rose was a piece
of glittering tinfoil. The band meanwhile played
"The Rosary," and, at the conclusion of the spectacle,
as fried oysters were served, "Wien Bleibt Wien."
It was, I suspect, by way of the Odd Fellows and
other such gaudy heirs to the Deutsche Ritter and
Rosicrucians that the lust to gleam and jingle got
into the arteries of the American people. For years
the austere tradition of Washington's day served to
keep the military bosom bare of spangles, but all the
while a weakness for them was growing in the civil
population. Rank by rank, they became Knights of
Pythias, Odd Fellows, Red Men, Nobles of the
Mystic Shrine, Knights Templar, Patriarchs Militant,
138 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
Elks, Moose, Woodmen of the World, Foresters, Hoo-
Hoos, Ku Kluxers — and in every new order there
were thirty-two degrees, and for every degree there
was a badge, -and for every badge there was a yard of
ribbon. The Nobles of the Mystic Shrine, chiefly
paunchy wholesalers of the Rotary Club species, are
not content with swords, baldrics, stars, garters and
jewels; they also wear red fezes. The Elks run to
rubies. The Red Men array themselves like Sitting
Bull. The patriotic ice-wagon drivers and Meth
odist deacons of the Ku Klux Klan carry crosses set
with incandescent lights. An American who is
forced by his profession to belong to many such
orders — say a life insurance solicitor, a bootlegger or
a dealer in Oklahoma oil stock — accumulates a trunk
full of decorations, many of them weighing a pound.
There is an undertaker in Hagerstown, Md., who has
been initiated eighteen times. When he robes him
self to plant a fellow joiner he weighs three
hundred pounds and sparkles and flashes like the
mouth of hell itself. He is entitled to bear seven
swords, all jeweled, and to hang his watch chain
with the golden busts of nine wild animals, all with
precious stones for eyes. Put beside this lowly
washer of the dead, Pershing newly polished would
seem almost like a Trappist.
But even so the civil arm is robbed of its just dues
in the department of gauds and radioactivity, no
STAR-SPANGLED MEN 139
doubt by the direct operation of military vanity and
jealousy. Despite a million proofs (and perhaps a
billion eloquent arguments) to the contrary, it is still
the theory at the official ribbon counter that the only
man who serves in a war is the man who serves in
uniform. This is soft for the Bevo officer, who at^
least has his service stripes and the spurs that gnawed
into his desk, but it is hard upon his brother Irving,
the dollar-a-year man, who worked twenty hours a
day for fourteen months buying soap-powder, canned
asparagus and raincoats for the army of God.
Irving not only labored with inconceivable diligence ;
he also faced hazards of no mean order, for on the
one hand was his natural prejudice in favor of a very
liberal rewarding of commercial enterprise, and on
the other hand were his patriotism and his fear of
Atlanta Penitentiary. I daresay that many and
many a time, after working his twenty hours, he
found it difficult to sleep the remaining four hours.
I know, in fact, survivors of that obscure service who
are far worse wrecks to-day than Pershing is. Their
reward is — what? Winks, sniffs, innuendos. If
they would indulge themselves in the now almost
universal American yearning to go adorned, they
must join the Knights of Pythias. Even the Amer
ican Legion fails them, for though it certainly does
not bar non-combatants, it insists that they shall have
done their non-combatting in uniform.
140 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
What I propose is a variety of the Distinguished
Service Medal for civilians, — perhaps, better still,
a distinct order for civilians, closed to the military
and with badges of different colors and areas, to mark
off varying services to democracy. Let it run, like
the Japanese Paulownia, from high to low — the
lowest class for the patriot who sacrificed only time,
money and a few nights' sleep; the highest for the
great martyr who hung his country's altar with his
dignity, his decency and his sacred honor. For
Irving and his nervous insomnia, a simple rosette,
with an iron badge bearing the national motto,
"Safety First" ; for the university president who pro
hibited the teaching of the enemy language in his
learned grove, heaved the works of Goethe out of the
university library, cashiered every professor unwill
ing to support Woodrow for the first vacancy in the
Trinity, took to the stump for the National Security
League, and made two hundred speeches in moving
picture theaters — for this giant of loyal endeavor
let no 100 per cent. American speak of anything less
than the grand cross of the order, with a gold badge
in polychrome enamel and stained glass, a baldric of
the national colors, a violet plug hat with a sunburst
on the side, the privilege of the floor of Congress, and
a pension of $10,000 a year. After all, the cost
would not be excessive; there are not many of them.
Such prodigies of patriotism are possible only to
STAR-SPANGLED MEN 141
rare_and^ifted meiu. For the grand cordons of the
order, e. g., college professors who spied upon and
reported the seditions of their associates, state presi
dents of the American Protective League, alien
property custodians, judges whose sentences of con
scientious objectors mounted to more than 50,000
years, members of Dr. Creel's herd of 2,000 Amer
ican historians, the authors of the Sisson documents,
etc. — pensions of $10 a day would be enough, with
silver badges and no plug hats. For the lower ranks,
bronze badges and the legal right to the title of "the
Hon.," already every true American's by courtesy.
Not, of course, that I am insensitive to the services
of the gentlemen of those lower ranks, but in such
matters one must go by rarity rather than by intrinsic
value. If the grand cordon or even the nickel-
plated eagle of the third class were given to every
patriot who bored a hole through the floor of his flat
to get evidence against his neighbors, the Kraus-
meyers, and to every one who visited the Hof-
brauhaus nightly, denounced the Kaiser in searing
terms, and demanded assent from Emil and Otto, the
waiters, and to every one who notified the catchpolls
of the Department of Justice when the wireless plant
was open in the garret of the Arion Liedertafel, and
to all who took a brave and forward part in slacker
raids, and to all who lent their stenographers funds
at 6 per cent, to buy Liberty bonds at 41/4 per cent.,
142 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
and to all who sold out at 99 and then bought in«again
at 83.56 and to all who served as jurors or perjurers
in cases against members and ex-members of the
I. W. W., and to the German-American members of
the League for German Democracy, and to all the
Irish who snitched upon the Irish — if decorations
were thrown about with any such lavishness, then there
Would be no nickel left for our bathrooms. On the
civilian side as on the military side the great rewards
of war go, not to mere dogged industry and fidelity,
but to originality — to the unprecedented, the arrest
ing, the bizarre. The New York Tribune liar who in
vented the story about the German plant for convert
ing the corpses of the slain into soap did more for
democracy and the Wilsonian idealism, and hence de
serves a more brilliant recognition, than a thousand
uninspired hawkers of atrocity stories supplied by
Viscount Bryce and his associates. For that great ser
vant of righteousness the grand cordon, with two
silver badges and the chair of history at Columbia,
would be scarcely enough; for the ordinary hawkers
any precious metal would be too much.
Whether or not the Y. M. C. A. has decorated its
chocolate pedlars and soul-snatchers I do not know;
since the chief Y. M. C. A. lamassary in my town of
Baltimore became the scene of a homo-sexual scandal
I have ceased to frequent evangelical society. If
not, then there should be some governmental recog-
STAR-SPANGLED MEN 143
nition of those highly characteristic heroes of the war
for democracy. The veterans of the line, true
enough, dislike them excessively, and have a habit of
denouncing them obscenely when the corn-juice flows.
They charged too much for cigarettes; they tried to
discourage the amiability of the ladies of France;
they had a habit of being absent when the shells burst
in air. Well, some say this and some say that. A
few, at least, of the pale and oleaginous brethren must
have gone into the Master's work because they thirsted
to save souls, and not simply because they desired
to escape the trenches. And a few, I am told, were
anything but unpleasantly righteous, as a round of
Wassermanns would show. If, as may be plausibly
argued, these Soldiers of the Double Cross deserve
to live at all, then they surely deserve to be hung with
white enameled stars of the third class, with gilt
dollar marks superimposed. Motto : "Glory, glory,
hallelujah!"
But what of the vaudeville actors, the cheer leaders,
the doughnut fryers, the camp librarians, the press
agents? I am not forgetting them. Let them be
distributed among all the classes from the seventh to
the eighth, according to their sufferings for the holy
cause. And the agitators against Beethoven, Bach,
Brahms, Wagner, Richard Strauss, all the rest of the
cacophonous Huns? And the specialists in the
crimes of the German professors? And the collec-
144 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
tors for the Belgians, with their generous renuncia
tion of all commissions above 80 per cent.? And the
pathologists who denounced Johannes Muller as a
fraud, Karl Ludwig as an imbecile, and Ehrlich as
a thief? And the patriotic chemists who discovered
arsenic in dill pickles, ground glass in pumpernickel,
bichloride tablets in Bismarck herring, pathogenic
organisms in aniline dyes? And the inspired editor
ial writers of the New York Times and Tribune, the
Boston Transcript, the Philadelphia Ledger, the Mo
bile Register, the Jones Corners Eagle? And the
headline writers? And the Columbia, Yale and
Princeton professors? And the authors of books des
cribing how the Kaiser told them the whole plot in
1913, while they were pulling his teeth or shining
his shoes? And the ex-ambassadors? And the
Nietzsche fresser? And the chautauqua orators?
And the four-minute men? And the Methodist pul
pit pornographers who switched so f acilely from vice-
crusading to German atrocities? And Dr. Newell
Dwight Hillis? And Dr. Henry van Dyke? And the
master minds of the New Republic? And Tumulty?
And the Vigilantes? Let no grateful heart forget
them!
Palmer and Burleson I leave for special legisla
tion. If mere university presidents, such as Nich
olas Murray Butler, are to have the grand cross, then
Palmer deserves to be rolled in malleable gold from
STAR-SPANGLED MEN 145
head to foot, and polished until he blinds the cosmos
— then Burleson must be hung with diamonds like
Mrs. Warren and bathed in spotlights like Gaby
Deslys. . . . Finally, I reserve a special decoration,
to be conferred in camera and worn only in secret
chapter, for husbands who took chances and refused
to read anonymous letters from Paris: the somber
badge of the Ordre de la Cuculus Canorus, first and
only class.
VII. THE POET AND HIS ART
A
44 A GOOD P^se style," says Prof. Dr. Otto
Jerpersen in his great work, "Growth and
Structure of the English Language," "is
everywhere a late acquirement, and the work of whole
generations of good authors is needed to bring about
the easy flow of written prose." The learned
Sprachwissenschaftler is here speaking of Old Eng
lish, or, as it used to be called when you and I were at
the breast of enlightenment, Anglo-Saxon. An inch or
so lower down the page he points out that what he says
of prose is by no means true of verse — that poetry
of very respectable quality is often written by peo
ples and individuals whose prose is quite as crude
and graceless as that, say of the Hon. Warren Gam
aliel Harding — that even the so-called Anglo-Saxons
of Beowulf's time, a race as barbarous as the modern
Jugo-Slavs or Mississippians, were yet capable, on
occasion, of writing dithyrambs of an indubitable
sweet gaudiness.
The point needs no laboring. A glance at the his
tory of any literature will prove its soundness.
146
THE POET AND HIS ART 147
Moreover, it is supported by what we see around us
every day — that is, if we look in literary directions.
Some of the best verse in the modern movement, at
home and abroad, has been written by intellectual
adolescents who could no more write a first-rate para
graph in prose then they could leap the Matterhorn
— girls just out of Vassar and Newnham, young
army officers, chautauqua orators, New England old
maids, obscure lawyers and doctors, newspaper re
porters, all sorts of hollow dilettanti, male and fe
male. Nine-tenths of the best poetry of the world
has been written by poets less than thirty years old;
a great deal more than half of it has been written by
poets under twenty-five. One always associates
poetry with youth, for it deals chiefly writh the ideas
that are peculiar to youth, and its terminology is
quite as youthful as its content. When one hears of
a poet past thirty-five, he seems somehow unnatural
and even a trifle obscene; it is as if one encountered
a graying man who still played the Chopin waltzes
and believed in elective affinities. But prose, obvi
ously, is a sterner and more elderly matter. All the
great masters of prose (and especially of English
prose, for its very resilience and brilliance make it
extraordinarily hard to write) have had to labor for
years before attaining to their mastery of it. The
early prose of Abraham Lincoln was remarkable only
for its badness ; it was rhetorical and bombastic, and
148 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
full of supernumerary words; in brief, it was a
kind of poetry. It took years and years of hard
striving for Abe to develop the simple and exquisite
prose of his last half-decade. So with Thomas
Henry Huxley, perhaps the greatest virtuoso of plain
English who has ever lived. His first writings were '
competent but undistinguished; he was almost a
grandfather before he perfected his superb style.
And so with Anatole France, and Addison, and T. B.
Macaulay, and George Moore, and James Branch
Cabell, and 1E.9 and Lord Dunsany, and Nietzsche,
and to go back to antiquity, Marcus Tullius Cicero.
I have been told that the average age of the men who
made the Authorized Version of the Bible was beyond
sixty years. Had they been under thirty they would
have made it lyrical; as it was, they made it colossal.
The reason for all this is not far to seek. Prose,
however powerful its appeal to the emotions, is al
ways based primarily upon logic, and is thus scien
tific ; poetry, whatever its so-called intellectual content
is always based upon mere sensation and emotion, and
is thus loose and disorderly. A man must have ac
quired discipline over his feelings before he can write
sound prose; he must have learned how to subordi
nate his transient ideas to more general and perma
nent ideas; above all, he must have acquired a good
head for words, which is to say, a capacity for resist
ing their mere lascivious lure. But to write accept-
THE POET AND HIS ART 149
able poetry, or even good poetry, he needs none of
these things. If his hand runs away with his head it is
actually a merit. If he writes what every one knows
to be untrue, in terms that no sane adult would ever
venture to use in real life, it is proof of his divine
afflation. If he slops over and heaves around in a
manner never hitherto observed on land or sea, the
fact proves his originality. The so-called forms of
verse and the rules of rhyme and rhythm do not offer
him difficulties; they offer him refuges. Their pur
pose is not to keep him in order, but simply to give
him countenance by providing him with a formal
orderliness when he is most out of order. Using
them is like swimming with bladders. The first lit
erary composition of a quick-minded child is always
some sort of jingle. It starts out with an inane idea
— half an idea. Sticking to prose, it could go no
further. But to its primary imbecility it now adds
a meaningless phrase which, while logically unre
lated, provides an agreeable concord in mere sound
— and the result is the primordial tadpole of a son
net. All the sonnets of the world, save a few of mir
aculous (and perhaps accidental) quality, partake of
this fundamental nonsensicality. In all of them there
are ideas that would sound idiotic in prose, and
phrases that would sound clumsy and uncouth in
prose. But the rhyme scheme conceals this nonsen
sicality. As a substitute for the missing logical
150 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
plausibility it provides a sensuous harmony. Read
ing the thing, one gets a vague effect of agreeable
sound, and so the logical feebleness is overlooked.
It is, in a sense, like observing a pretty girl, compe
tently dressed and made up, across the footlights.
But translating the poem into prose is like meeting
and marrying her.
II
Much of the current discussion of poetry — and
what, save Prohibition, is more discussed in America?
— is corrupted by a fundamental error. That error
consists in regarding the thing itself as a simple entity,
to be described conveniently in a picturesque phrase.
"Poetry," says one critic, "is the statement of over
whelming emotional values." "Poetry," says an
other, "is an attempt to purge language of everything
except its music and its pictures." "Poetry," says a
third, "is the entering of delicately imaginative pla
teaus." "Poetry," says a fourth, "is truth carried
alive into the heart by a passion." "Poetry," says a
fifth, "is compacted of what seems, not of what is."
"Poetry," says a sixth, "is the expression of thought
in musical language." "Poetry," says a seventh, "is
the language of a state of crisis." And so on, and so
on. Quod est poetica? They all answer, and yet
they all fail to answer. Poetry, in fact, is two quite
distinct things. It may be either or both. One is a
THE POET AND HIS ART 151
series of words that are intrinsically musical, in clang-
tint and rhythm, as the single word cellar-door is mu
sical. The other is a series of ideas, false in them
selves, that offer a means of emotional and imagi
native escape from the harsh realities of everyday.
In brief, (I succumb, like all the rest, to phrase-
making), poetry is a comforting piece of fiction set
to more or less lascivious music — a slap on the back
in waltz time — a grand release of longings and re
pressions to the tune of flutes, harps, sackbuts, psal
teries and the usual strings.
As I say, poetry may be either the one thing or the
other — caressing music or caressing assurance. It
need not necessarily be both. Consider a familiar
example from "Othello":
Not poppy, nor mandragora,
Nor all the drowsy syrups of the world
Shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep
Which thou owed'st yesterday.
Here the sense, at best, is surely very vague. Prob
ably not one auditor in a hundred, hearing an actor
recite those glorious lines, attaches any intelligible
meaning to the archaic word owed'st, the cornerstone
of the whole sentence. Nevertheless, the effect is
stupendous. The passage assaults and benumbs the
faculties like Schubert's "Standchen" or the slow
movement of Schumann's Rhenish symphony; hear-
152 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
ing it is a sensuous debauch; the man anaesthe
tic to it could stand unmoved before Rheims
cathedral or the Hofbrauhaus at Munich. One
easily recalls many other such bursts of pure
music, almost meaningless but infinitely delight
ful — in Poe, in Swinburne, in Marlowe, even in
Joaquin Miller. Two-thirds of the charm of reading
Chaucer (setting aside the Rabelaisian comedy)
comes out of the mere burble of the words ; the mean
ing, to a modern, is often extremely obscure, and
sometimes downright undecipherable. The whole
fame of Poe, as a poet, is based upon five short poems.
Of them, three are almost pure music. Their intel
lectual content is of the vaguest. No one would ven
ture to reduce them to plain English. Even Poe him
self always thought of them, not as statements of
poetic ideas, but as simple utterances of poetic (i.e.,
musical) sounds.
It was Sidney Lanier, himself a competent poet,
who first showed the dependence of poetry upon
music. He had little to say, unfortunately, about the
clang-tint of words; what concerned him almost ex
clusively was rhythm. In "The Science of English
Verse," he showed that the charm of this rhythm
could be explained in the technical terms of music —
that all the old gabble about dactyls and spondees was
no more than a dog Latin invented by men who were
fundamentally ignorant of the thing they discussed.
THE POET AND HIS ART 153
Lanier's book was the first intelligent work ever pub
lished upon the nature and structure of the sensuous
content of English poetry. He struck out into such
new and far paths that the .professors of prosody still
lag behind him after forty years, quite unable to
understand a poet who was also a shrewd critic and
a first-rate musician. But if, so deeply concerned
with rhythm, he marred his treatise by forgetting
clang-tint, he marred it still more by forgetting con
tent. Poetry that is all music is obviously relatively
rare, for only a poet who is also a natural musician
can write it, and natural musicians are much rarer in
the world than poets. Ordinary poetry, average
poetry, thus depends in part upon its ideational mate
rial, and perhaps even chiefly. It is the idea ex
pressed in a poem, and not the mellifluousness of the
words used to express it, that arrests and enchants the
average connoisseur. Often, indeed, he disdains this
mellifluousness, and argues that the idea ought to be
set forth without the customary pretty jingling, or,
at most, with only the scant jingling that lies in
rhythm — in brief, he wants his ideas in the alto
gether, and so advocates v ers libre.
It was another American, this time Prof. Dr. F. C.
Prescott, of Cornell University, who first gave scien
tific attention to the intellectual content of poetry.
His book is called "Poetry and Dreams." Its virtue
lies in the fact that it rejects all the customary mysti-
154 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
cal and romantic definitions of poetry, and seeks to
account for the thing in straightforward psychological
terms. Poetry, says Fresco tt, is simply the verbal
materialization of a day-dream, the statement of a
Freudian wish, an attempt to satisfy a subconscious
longing by saying that it is satisfied. In brief, poetry
represents imagination's bold effort to escape from
the cold and clammy facts that hedge us in — *o soothe
the wrinkled and fevered brow with beautiful balder
dash. On the precise nature of this beautiful bal
derdash you can get all in the information you need
by opening at random the nearest book of verse. The
ideas you will find in it may be divided into two main
divisions. The first consists of denials of objective
facts; the second of denials of subjective facts.
Specimen of the first sort:
God's in His heaven,
All's well with the world.
Specimen of the second :
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.
It is my contention that all poetry (forgetting, for
the moment, its possible merit as mere sound) may
be resolved into either the one or the other of these
frightful imbecilities — that its essential character lies
in its bold flouting of what every reflective adult
knows to be the truth. The poet, imagining him to be
THE POET AND HIS ART 155
sincere, is simply one who disposes of all the horrors
of life on this earth, and of all the difficulties pre
sented by his own inner weaknesses no less, by the
childish device of denying them. Is it a well-known
fact that love is an emotion that is almost as perish
able as eggs — that it is biologically impossible for a
given male to yearn for a given female more than a
few brief years? Then the poet disposes of it by
assuring his girl that he will nevertheless love her
forever — more, by pledging his word of honor that
he believes that she wrill love him forever. Is it
equally notorious that there is no such thing as justice
in the wrorld — that the good are tortured insanely and
the evil go free and prosper? Then the poet com
poses a piece crediting God with a mysterious and un
intelligible theory of jurisprudence, whereby the tor
ture of the good is a sort of favor conferred upon
them for their goodness. Is it of almost equally
widespread report that no healthy man likes to con
template his own inevitable death — that even in time
of war, with a vast pumping up of emotion to conceal
the fact, every soldier hopes and believes that he,
personally, will escape? Then the poet, first care
fully introducing himself into a bomb-proof, achieves
strophes declaring that he is free from all such weak
ness — that he will deliberately seek a rendezvous
with death, and laugh ha-ha when the bullet finds
him.
156 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
The precise nature of the imbecility thus solemnly
set forth depends, very largely, of course, upon the
private prejudices and yearnings of the poet, and the
reception that is given it depends, by the same token,
upon the private prejudices and yearnings of the
reader. That is why it is often so difficult to get any
agreement upon the merits of a definite poem, i. e.,
to get any agreement upon its capacity to soothe.
There is the man who craves only the animal de
lights of a sort of Moslem-Methodist paradise: to him
"The Frost is on the Pumpkin" is a noble poem.
There is the man who yearns to get out of the visible
universe altogether and tread the fields of asphodel:
for him there is delight only in the mystical stuff of
Crashaw, Thompson, Yeats and company. There is
the man who revolts against the sordid Christian
notion of immortality — an eternity to be spent flap
ping wings with pious greengrocers and oleaginous
Anglican bishops; he finds his escape in the gorgeous
blasphemies of Swinburne. There is, to make an
end of examples, the man who, with an inferiority
complex eating out his heart, is moved by a great
desire to stalk the world in heroic guise: he may go
to the sonorous swanking of Kipling, or he may go to
something more subtle, to some poem in which the
boasting is more artfully concealed, say Christina
Rosetti's "When I am Dead." Many men, many
complexes, many secret yearnings! They collect, of
THE POET AND HIS ART 157
course, in groups; if the group happens to be large
enough the poet it is devoted to becomes famous.
Kipling's great fame is thus easily explained. He
appeals to the commonest of all types of men, next to
the sentimental type — which is to say, he appeals to
the bully and braggart type, the chest-slapping type,
the patriot type. Less harshly described, to the boy
type. All of us have been Kiplingomaniacs at
some time or other. I was myself a very ardent
one at 17, and wrote many grandiloquent sets of
verse in the manner of "Tommy Atkins" and "Fuzzy-
Wuzzy." But if the gifts of observation and reflec
tion have been given to us, we get over it. There
comes a time wrhen we no longer yearn to be heroes,
but seek only peace — maybe even hope for quick
extinction. Then we turn to Swinburne and "The
Garden of Proserpine" — more false assurances,
more mellifluous play-acting, another tinkling make-
believe — but how sweet on blue days!
Ill
One of the things to remember here (too often it
is forgotten, and Dr. Prescott deserves favorable
mention for stressing it) is that a man's conscious
desires are not always identical with his subcon
scious longings; in fact, the two are often directly
antithetical. No doubt the real man lies in the
depths of the subconscious, like a carp lurking in
158 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
mud. His conscious personality is largely a product
of his environment — the reaction of his subconscious
to the prevailing notions of what is meet and seemly.
Here, of course, I wander into platitude, for the news
that all men are frauds was already stale in the days
of Hammurabi. The ingenious Freud simply trans
lated the fact into pathological terms, added a bed
room scene, and so laid the foundations for his
psychoanalysis. Incidentally, it has always seemed
to me that Freud made a curious mistake when he
brought sex into the foreground of his new magic.
He was, of course, quite right when he set up the doc
trine that, in civilized societies, sex impulses were
more apt to be suppressed than any other natural
impulses, and that the subconscious thus tended to
be crowded with their ghosts. But in considering
sex impulses, he forgot sex imaginings. Digging
out, by painful cross-examination in a darkened room,
some startling tale of carnality in his patient's past,
he committed the incredible folly of assuming it
to be literally true. More often than not, I believe,
it was a mere piece of boasting, a materialization of
desire — in brief, a poem. It is astonishing that
this possibility never occurred to the venerable pro
fessor; it is more astonishing that it has never oc-
cured to any of his disciples. He should have psy
choanalyzed a few poets instead of wasting all his
time upon psychopathic women with sclerotic hus-
THE POET AND HIS ART 159
bands. He would have dredged amazing things out
of their subconsciouses, heroic as well as amorous.
Imagine the billions of Boers, Germans, Irishmen
and Hindus that Kipling would have confessed to
killing!
But here I get into morbid anatomy, and had
better haul up. What I started out to say was that
a man's preferences in poetry constitute an excellent
means of estimating his inner cravings and creduli
ties. The music disarms his critical sense, and he
confesses to chershing ideas that he would
repudiate with indignation if they were put
into plain words. I say he cherishes those ideas.
Maybe he simply tolerates them unwillingly; maybe
they are no more than inescapable heritages from his
barbarous ancestors, like his vermiform appendix.
Think of the poems you like, and you will come upon
many such intellectual fossils — ideas that you by no
means subscribe to openly, but that nevertheless
give you a strange joy. I put myself on the block
as Exhibit A. There is my delight in Lizette Wood-
worth Reese's sonnet, "Tears." Nothing could do
more violence to my conscious beliefs. Put into
prose, the doctrine in the poem would exasperate
and even enrage me. There is no man in Christen
dom who is less a Christian than I am. But here
the dead hand grabs me by the ear. My ancestors
were converted to Christianity in the year 1535, and
160 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
remained of that faith until near the middle of the
eighteenth century. Observe, now, the load I
carry; more than two hundred years of Christianity,
and perhaps a thousand years (maybe even two, or
three thousand years) of worship of heathen gods
before that — at least twelve hundred years of unin
terrupted belief in the immortality of the soul. Is
it any wonder that, betrayed by the incomparable
music of Miss Reese's Anglo-Saxon monosyllables,
my conscious faith is lulled to sleep, thus giving my
subconscious a chance to wallow in its immemorial
superstition?
Even so, my vulnerability to such superstitions is
very low, and it tends to grow less as I increase in
years and sorrows. As I have said, I once throbbed
to the drum-beat of Kipling; later on, I was respon
sive to the mellow romanticism of Tennyson; now
it takes one of the genuinely fundamental delusions
of the human race to move me. But progress is not
continuous; it has interludes. There are days when
every one of us experiences a sort of ontogenetic
back-firing, and returns to an earlier stage of develop
ment. It is on such days that grown men break down
and cry like children ; it is then that they play games,
or cheer the flag, or fall in love. And it is then that
tKey are in the mood for poetry, and get comfort out
of its asseverations of the obviously not true. A truly
civilized man, when he is wholly himself, derives no
THE POET AND HIS ART 161
pleasure from hearing a poet state, as Browning
stated, that this world is perfect. Such tosh not only
does not please him; it definitely offends him, as he is
offended by an idiotic article in a newspaper; it roils
him to encounter so much stupidity in Christendom.
But he may like it when he is drunk, or suffering
from some low toxemia, or staggering beneath some
great disaster. Then, as I say, the ontogenetic proc
ess reverses itself, and he slides back into infancy.
Then he goes to poets, just as he goes to women,
"glad" books, and dogmatic theology. The very
highest orders of men, perhaps, never suffer from
such malaises of the spirit, or, if they suffer from
them, never succumb to them. These ar6 men who
are so thoroughly civilized that even the most se
vere attack upon the emotions is not sufficient to de
throne their reason. Charles Darwin was such a man.
There was never a moment in his life when he sought
religious consolation, and there was never a moment
when he turned to poetry; in fact, he regarded all
poetry as silly. Other first-rate men, more sen
sitive to the possible music in it, regard it with less
positive aversion, but I have never -heard of a truly
first-rate man who got any permanent satisfaction out
of its content. The Browning Societies of the latter
part of the nineteenth century (and I choose the
Browning Societies because Browning's poetry was
often more or less logical in content, and thus above
162 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
the ordinary intellectually) were not composed of
such men as Huxley, Spencer, Lecky, Buckle and
Travelyn, but of third-rate school-masters, moony
old maids, candidates for theosophy, literary vicars,
collectors of Rogers groups, and other such Philis
tines. The chief propagandist for Browning in the
United States was not Henry Adams, or William
Summer, or Daniel C. Gilman, but an obscure
professor of English who was also an ardent
spook-chaser. And what is thus true ontogen-
etically is also true phylogenetically. That is
to say, poetry is chiefly produced and esteemed by
peoples that have not yet come to maturity. The
Romans had a dozen poets of the first talent before
they had a single prose writer of any s'kill whatsoever.
So did the English. So did the Germans. In our
own day we see the negroes of the South producing
religious and secular verse of such quality that it is
taken over by the whites, and yet the number of
negroes who show a decent prose style is still very
small, and there is no sign of it increasing. Simi
larly, the white authors of America, during the past
ten or fifteen years, have produced a great mass of
very creditable poetry, and yet the quality of our
prose remains very low, and the Americans with
prose styles of any distinction could be counted on
the fingers of two hands.
THE POET AND HIS ART 163
IV
So far I have spoken chiefly of the content of
poetry. In its character as a sort of music it is
plainly a good deal more respectable, and makes an
appeal to a far higher variety of reader, or, at all
events, to a reader in a state of greater mental clar
ity. A capacity for music — by which I mean mel
ody, harmony and clang-tint — comes late in the his
tory of every race. The savage can apprehend
rhythm, but he is quite incapable of carrying a tune
in any intelligible scale. The negro roustabouts
of our own South, who are commonly regarded as
very musical, are actually only rhythmical; they
never invent melodies, but only rhythms. And the
whites to whom their barbarous dance-tunes chiefly
appeal are in their own stage of culture. When
one observes a room full of well-dressed men and
women swaying and wriggling to the tune of
some villainous mazurka from the Mississippi levees,
one may assume very soundly that they are all
the sort of folk who play golf and bridge, and
prefer "The Sheik" to "Heart of Darkness" and
believe in the League of Nations. A great deal of
superficial culture is compatible with that pathetic
barbarism, and even a high degree of aesthetic
sophistication in other directions. The Greeks who
164 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
built the Parthenon knew no more about music
than a hog knows of predestination; they were
almost as ignorant in that department as the modern
lowans or New Yorkers. It was not, indeed, until
the Renaissance that music as we know it appeared in
the world, and it was not until less than two centuries
ago that it reached a high development. In Shake
speare's day music was just getting upon its legs in
England; in Goethe's day it was just coming to full
flower in Germany; in France and America it is still
in the savage state. It is thus the youngest of the
arts, and the most difficult, and hence the noblest.
Any sane young man of twenty-two can write an
acceptable sonnet, or design a habitable house or
draw a horse that will not be mistaken for an auto
mobile, but before he may write even a bad string
quartet he must go through a long and arduous train
ing, just as he must strive for years before he may
write prose that is instantly recognizable as prose, and
not as a string of mere words.
The virtue of such great poets as Shakespeare does
not lie in the content of their poetry, but in its music.
The content of the Shakespearean plays, in fact, is
often puerile, and sometimes quite incomprehen
sible. No scornful essays by George Bernard Shaw
and Frank Harris were needed to demonstrate the
fact; it lies plainly in the text. One snickers sourly
over the spectacle of generations of pedants debating
THE POET AND HIS ART 165
the question of Hamlet's mental processes; the simple
fact is that Shakespeare gave him no more mental
processes than a Fifth avenue rector has, but merely
employed him as a convenient spout for some of the
finest music ever got into words. Assume that he
has all the hellish sagacity of a Nietzsche, and that
music remains unchanged; assume that he is as idiotic
as a Grand Worthy Flubdub of the Freemasons, and
it still remains unchanged. As it is intoned on the
stage by actors, the poetry of Shakespeare commonly
loses content altogether. One cannot make out what
the cabotin is saying; one can only observe that it is
beautiful. There are whole speeches in the Shake
spearean plays whose meaning is unknown ever to
scholars — and yet they remain favorites, and well
deserve to. Who knows, again, what the sonnets are
about? Is the bard talking about the inn-keeper's
wife at Oxford, or about a love affair of a path
ological, Y. M. C. A. character? Some say one
thing, and some say the other. But all who have
ears must agree that the sonnets are extremely beauti
ful stuff — that the English language reaches in them.
the topmost heights of conceivable beauty. Shake
speare thus ought to be ranked among the musicians,
along with Beethoven. As a philosopher he was a
ninth-rater — but so was old Ludwig. I wonder what
he would have done with prose? I can't make up my
mind about it. One day I believe that he would
166 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
have written prose as good as Dryden's, and the next
day I begin to fear that he would have produced
something as bad as Swinburne's. He had the ear,
but he lacked the logical sense. Poetry has done
enough when it charms, but prose must also convince.
I do not forget, of course, that there is a border
land in which it is hard to say, of this or that com
position, whether it is prose or poetry. Lincoln's
Gettysburg speech is commonly reckoned as prose,
and yet I am convinced that it is quite as much
poetry as the Queen Mab speech or Marlowe's mighty
elegy on Helen of Troy. More, it is so read and ad
mired by the great masses of the American people.
It is an almost perfect specimen of a comforting but
unsound asseveration put into rippling and hypnotiz
ing words; done into plain English, the statements of
fact in it would make even a writer of school history-
books laugh. So with parts of the Declaration of
Independence. No one believes seriously that they
are true, but nearly everyone agrees that it would be
a nice thing if they were true — and meanwhile Jef
ferson's eighteenth century rhetoric, by Johnson out
of John Lyly's "Euphues," completes the enchant
ment. In the main, the test is to be found in the
audience rather than in the poet. If it is naturally
intelligent and in a sober and critical mood, demand
ing sense and proofs, then nearly all poetry becomes
prose; if, on the contrary, it is congenitally maudlin,
THE POET AND HIS ART 167
er has a few drinks aboard, or is in love, or is other
wise in a soft and believing mood, then even the worst
of prose, if it has a touch of soothing sing-song in it,
becomes moving poetry — for example, the diplo
matic and political gospel-hymns of the late Dr.
Wilson, a man constitutionally unable to reason
clearly or honestly, but nevertheless one full of the
burbling that caresses the ears of simple men. Most
of his speeches, during the days of his divine appoint
ment, translated into intelligible English, would have
sounded as idiotic as a prose version of "The Blessed
Damozel." Read by his opponents, they sounded
so without the translation.
But at the extremes, of course, there are indubi
table poetry and incurable prose, and the difference is
not hard to distinguish. Prose is simply a form of
writing in which the author intends that his state
ments shall be accepted as conceivably true, even
when they are about imaginary persons and events;
its appeal is to the fully conscious and alertly reason
ing man. Poetry is a form of writing in which the
author attempts to disarm reason and evoke emotion,
partly by presenting images that awaken a powerful
response in the subconscious and partly by the mere
sough and blubber of words. Poetry is not dis
tinguished from prose, as Prof. Dr. Lowes says in his
"Convention and Revolt in Poetry," by an exclusive
phraseology, tut by a peculiar attitude of mind — an
168 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
attitude of self -delusion, of fact-denying, of saying
what isn't true. It is essentially an effort to elude the
bitter facts of life, whereas prose is essentially a
means of unearthing and exhibiting them. The gap
is bridged by sentimental prose, which is half prose
and half poetry — Lincoln's Gettysburg speech, the
average sermon, the prose of an erotic novelette.
Immediately the thing acquires a literal meaning it
ceases to be poetry; immediately it becomes capable
of convincing an adult and perfectly sober man
during the hours between breakfast and luncheon it
is indisputably prose.
This quality of untruthfulness pervades all poetry,
good and bad. You will find it in the very best
poetry that the world has so far produced, to wit, in
the sonorous poems of the Jewish Scriptures. The
ancient Jews were stupendous poets. Moreover, they
were shrewd psychologists, and so knew the capacity
of poetry, given the believing mind, to convince and
enchant — in other words, its capacity to drug the
auditor in such a manner that he accepts it literally,
as he might accept the baldest prose. This danger
in poetry, given auditors impressionable enough, is
too little estimated and understood. It is largely
responsible for the persistence of sentimentality in a
world apparently designed for the one purpose of
manufacturing cynics. It is probably chiefly re
sponsible for the survival of Christianity, despite the
THE POET AND HIS ART 169
hard competition that it has met with from other
religions. The theology of Christianity — i. e., its
prose — is certainly no more convincing than that of
half a dozen other religions that might be named; it
is, in fact, a great deal less convincing than the the
ology of, say, Buddhism. But the poetry of
Christianity is infinitely more lush and beautiful than
that of any other religion ever heard of. There is
more lovely poetry in one of the Psalms than in all
of the Non-Christian scriptures of the world taken to
gether. More, this poetry is in both Testaments, the
New as well as the Old. Who could imagine a more
charming poem than that of the Child in the manger?
It has enchanted the world for nearly two thousand
years. It is simple, exquisite and overwhelming.
Its power to -arouse emotion is so great that even in
our age it is at the bottom of fully a half of the
kindliness, romanticism and humane sentimentality
that survive in Christendom. It is worth a million
syllogisms.
Once, after plowing through sixty or seventy vol
umes of bad verse, I described myself as a poetry-
hater. The epithet was and is absurd. The truth
is that I enjoy poetry as much as the next man — when
the mood is on me. But what mood? The mood,
in a few words, of intellectual and spiritual fatigue,
the mood df revolt against the insoluble riddle of
existence, the mood of disgust and despair. Poetry,
170 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
then, is a capital medicine. First its sweet music
lulls, and then its artful presentation of the beau
tifully improbable soothes and gives surcease. It
is an escape from life, like religion, like enthusiasm,
like glimpsing a pretty girl. And to the mere sen
suous joy in it, to the mere low delight in getting
away from the world for a bit, there is added, if the
poetry be good, something vastly better, something
reaching out into the realm of the intelligent, to wit,
appreciation of good workmanship. A sound sonnet
is almost as pleasing an object as a well- written
fugue. A pretty lyric, deftly done, has all the tech
nical charm of a fine carving. I think it is crafts
manship that I admire most in the world. Brahms
enchants me because he knew his trade perfectly. I
like Richard Strauss because he is full of technical
ingenuities, because he is a master-workman. Well,
who ever heard of a finer craftsman than William
Shakespeare? His music was magnificent, he played
superbly upon all the common emotions — and he did
it magnificently, he did it with an air. No, I am no
poetry-hater. But even Shakespeare I most enjoy,
not on brisk mornings when I feel fit for any deviltry,
but on dreary evenings when my old wounds are
troubling me, and some fickle one has just sent back
the autographed set of my first editions, and bills
are piled up on my desk, and I am too sad to work.
Then I mix a stiff dram — and read poetry.
VIII. FIVE MEN AT RANDOM
Abraham Lincoln
THE backwardness of the art of biography in
These States is made shiningly visible by the
fact that we have yet to see a first-rate life of
either Lincoln or Whitman. Of Lincolniana, of
course, there is no end, nor is there any end to
the hospitality of those who collect it. Some
time ago a publisher told me that there are four
kinds of books that never, under any circumstances,
lose money in the United States — first, detective
stories; secondly, novels in which the heroine is for
cibly debauched by the hero; thirdly, volumes on
spiritualism, occultism and other such claptrap, and
fourthly, books on Lincoln. But despite all the vast
mass of Lincolniana and the constant discussion of
old Abe in other ways, even so elemental a problem
as that of his religious faith — surely an important
matter in any competent biography — is yet but half
solved. Here, for example, is the Rev. William E.
in
172 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
Barton, grappling with it for more than four hundred
large pages in "The Soul of Abraham Lincoln." It
is a lengthy inquiry — the rev. pastor, in truth, shows
a good deal of the habitual garrulity of his order —
but it is never tedious. On the contrary, it is curious
and amusing, and I have read it with steady interest,
including even the appendices. Unluckily, the
author, like his predecessors, fails to finish
the business before him. Was Lincoln a Christian?
Did he believe in the Divinity of Christ? I am left
in doubt. He was very polite about it, and very
cautious, as befitted a politician in need of Christian
votes, but how much genuine conviction was in that
politeness? And if his occasional references to
Christ were thus open to question, what of his rather
vague avowals of belief in a personal God and in the
immortality of the soul? Herndon and some of
his other close friends always maintained that he
was an atheist, but Dr. Barton argues that this atheism
was simply disbelief in the idiotic Methodist and
Baptist dogmas of his time — that nine Christian
churches out of ten, if he were alive to-day, would
admit him to their high privileges and prerogatives
without anything worse than a few warning coughs.
As for me, I still wonder.
The growth of the Lincoln legend is truly amazing.
He becomes the American solar myth, the chief butt
of American credulity and sentimentality. Wash-
FIVE MEN AT RAN DOM 173
ington, of late years, has been perceptibly human
ized; every schoolboy now knows that he used to
swear a good deal, and was a sharp trader, and had
a quick eye for a pretty ankle. But meanwhile the
varnishers and veneerers have been busily convert
ing Abe into a plaster saint, thus making him fit for
adoration in the chautauquas and Y. M. C. A.'s.
All the popular pictures of him show him in his
robes of state, and wearing an expression fit for
a man about to be hanged. There is, so far as I
know, not a single portrait of him showing him smil
ing — and yet he must have cackled a good deal, first
and last: who ever heard of a storyteller who didn't?
Worse, there is an obvious effort to pump all his
human weaknesses out of him, and so leave him a
mere moral apparition, a sort of amalgam of John
Wesley and the Holy Ghost. What could be more
absurd? Lincoln, in point of fact, was a practical
politician of long experience and high talents, and
by no means cursed with inconvenient ideals. On
the contrary, his career in the Illinois Legislature
was that of a good organization man, and he was more
than once denounced by reformers. Even his han
dling of the slavery question was that of a poli
tician, not that of a fanatic. Nothing alarmed him
more than the suspicion that he was an Abolitionist.
Barton tells of an occasion when he actually fled
town to avoid meeting the issue squarely. A genuine
174 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
Abolitionist would have published the Emancipation
Proclamation the day after the first battle of Bull
Run. But Lincoln waited until the time was more
favorable — until Lee had been hurled out of Penn
sylvania, and, more important still, until the political
currents were safely running his way. Always he
was a wary fellow, both in his dealings with meas
ures and in his dealings with men. He knew how to
keep his mouth shut.
Nevertheless, it was his eloquence that probably
brought him to his great estate. Like William
Jennings Bryan, he was a dark horse made suddenly
formidable by fortunate rhetoric. The Douglas
debate launched him, and the Cooper Union speech
got him the presidency. This talent for emotional
utterance, this gift for making phrases that en
chanted the plain people, was an accomplishment
of late growth. His early speeches were mere
empty fireworks — the childish rhodomontades of
the era. But in middle life he purged his style
of ornament and it became almost baldly simple —
and it is for that simplicity that he is remembered
to-day. The Gettysburg speech is at once the
shortest and the most famous oration in American
history. Put beside it, all the whoopings of the
Websters, Sumners and Everetts seem gaudy and
silly. It is eloquence brought to a pellucid and
almost child-like perfection — the highest emotion
FIVE MEN AT RAN DOM 175
reduced to one graceful and irresistible gesture.
Nothing else precisely like it is to be found in
the whole range of oratory. Lincoln himself never
even remotely approached it. It is genuinely stupen
dous.
But let us not forget that it is oratory, not logic;
beauty, not sense. Think of the argument in it! Put
it into the cold words of everyday! The doctrine is
simply this: that the Union soldiers who died at
Gettysburg sacrificed their lives to the cause of self-
determination — "that government of the people, by
the people, for the people," should not perish from
the earth. It is difficult to imagine anything more
untrue. The Union soldiers in that battle actually
fought against self-determination; it was the Confed
erates who fought for the right of their people to gov
ern themselves. What was the practical effect of the
battle of Gettysburg? What else than the destruc
tion of the old sovereignty of the States, i. e.9 of the
people of the States? The Confederates went into
battle an absolutely free people; they came out with
their freedom subject to the supervision and vote of
the rest of the country — and for nearly twenty years
that vote was so effective that they enjoyed scarcely
any freedom at all. Am I the first American to note
the fundamental nonsensicality of the Gettysburg
address? If so, I plead my aesthetic joy in it in
amelioration of the sacrilege.
176 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
Paul Elmer More
Nothing new is to be found in the latest volume of
Paul Elmer More's Shelburne Essays. The learned
author, undismayed by the winds of anarchic doctrine
that blow down his Princeton stovepipe, continues to
hold fast to the notions of his earliest devotion. He
is still the gallant champion sent against the Roman
tic Movement by the forces of discipline and deco
rum. He is still the eloquent fugleman of the Pur
itan ethic and aesthetic. In so massive a certainty,
so resolute an immovability there is something almost
magnificent. These are somewhat sad days for the
exponents of that ancient correctness. The Goths
and the Huns are at the gate, and as they batter wildly
they throw dead cats, perfumed lingerie, tracts
against predestination, and the bound files of the
Nation, the Freeman and the New Republic over the
fence. But the din does not flabbergast Dr. More.
High above the blood-bathed battlements there is
a tower, of ivory within and solid f erro-concrete with
out, and in its austere upper chamber he sits un
daunted, solemnly composing an elegy upon Jonathan
Edwards, "the greatest theologian and philosopher
yet produced in this country."
Magnificent, indeed — and somehow charming.
FIVE MEN AT RANDOM 111
On days when I have no nobler business I sometimes
join the barbarians and help them to launch their
abominable bombs against the embattled blue-nose&
It is, in the main, fighting that is too easy, too Anglo-
Saxon to be amusing. Think of the decayed profes
sors assembled by Dr. Franklin for the Profiteers'
Review; who could get any genuine thrill out of
dropping them? They come out on crutches, and
are as much afraid of what is behind them as they
are of what is in front of them. Facing all the hor
rible artillery of Nineveh and Tyre, they arm them
selves with nothing worse than the pedagogical birch.
The janissaries of Adolph Ochs, the Anglo-Saxon su
preme archon, are even easier. One has but to blow
a shofar, and down they go. Even Prof. Dr. Stuart
P. Sherman is no antagonist to delight a hard-boiled
heretic. Sherman is at least honestly American,
of course, but the trouble with him is that he is too
American. The Iowa hayseed remains in his hair;
he can't get rid of the smell of the chautauqua; one
inevitably sees in him a sort of reductio ad absurdum
of his fundamental theory — to wit, the theory that the
test of an artist is whether he hated the Kaiser in
1917, and plays his honorable part in Christian
Endeavor, and prefers Coca-Cola to Scharlachberger
1911, and has taken to heart the great lessons of sex
hygiene. Sherman is game, but he doesn't offer
sport in the grand manner. Moreover, he has been
178 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
showing sad signs of late of a despairing heart: he
tries to be ingratiating, and begins to hug in the
clinches.
The really tempting quarry is More. To rout
him out of his armored tower, to get him out upon the
glacis for a duel before both armies, to bring him
finally to the wager of battle — this would be an enter
prise to bemuse the most audacious and give pause
to the most talented. More has a solid stock of
learning in his lockers; he is armed and outfitted aa
none of the pollyannas who trail after him is armed
and outfitted; he is, perhaps, the nearest approach to
a genuine scholar that we have in America, God save
us all! But there is simply no truculence in him,
no flair for debate, no lust to do execution upon his
foes. His method is wholly ex pane. Year after
year he simply iterates and reiterates his misty
protests, seldom changing so much as a word.
Between his first volume and his last there is not the
difference between Gog and Magog. Steadily,
ploddingly, vaguely, he continues to preach the
gloomy gospel of tightness and restraint. He was
against "the electric thrill of freer feeling" when he
began, and he will be against it on that last gray day
— I hope it long post-dates my own hanging — when
the ultimate embalmer sneaks upon him with velvet
tread, and they haul down the flag to half-staff at
Princeton, and the readers of the New York Evening
FIVE MEN AT RAN DOM 179
Journal note that an obscure somebody named Paul
E. More is dead.
Madison Cawein
A vast and hefty tome celebrates this dead poet,
solemnly issued by his mourning friends in Louis
ville. The editor is Otto A. Rothert, who confesses
that he knew Cawein but a year or two, and never
read his poetry until after his death. The contrib
utors include such local literati as Reuben Post Hal-
leek, Leigh Gordon Giltner, Anna Blanche McGill and
Elvira S. Miller Slaughter. Most of the ladies gush
over the departed in the manner of high-school teach
ers paying tribute to Plato, Montaigne or Dante
Alighieri. His young son, seventeen years old,
contributes by far the most vivid and intelligent
account of him; it is, indeed, very well written, as,
in a different way, is the contribution of Charles
Hamilton Musgrove, an old newspaper friend. The
ladies, as I hint, simply swoon and grow lyrical.
But it is a fascinating volume, all the same, and well
worth the room it takes on the shelf. Mr. Rothert
starts off with what he calls a "picturography" of
Cawein — the poet's father and mother in the raiment
of 1865, the coat-of-arms of his mother's great-grand-
father'a uncle, the house which now stands on
180 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
the site of the house in which he was bom, the
rock spring from which he used to drink as a boy,
a group showing him with his three brothers, another
showing him with one brother and their cousin Fred,
Cawein himself with sideboards, the houses he lived
in, the place where he worked, the walks he liked
around Louisville, his wife and baby, the hideous
bust of him in the Louisville Public Library, the
church from which he was buried, his modest grave
in Cave Hill Cemetery — in brief, all the photographs
that collect about a man as he staggers through life,
and entertain his ribald grandchildren after he is
gone. Then comes a treatise on the ancestry and
youth of the poet, then a collection of newspaper
clippings about him, then a gruesomely particular
account of his death, then a fragment of auto
biography, then a selection from his singularly dull
letters, then some prose pieces from his pen, then the
aforesaid tributes of his neighbors, and finally a
bibliography of his works, and an index to them.
As I say, a volume of fearful bulk and beam, but
nevertheless full of curious and interesting things.
Cawein, of course, was not a poet of the first rank,
nor is it certain that he has any secure place in the
second rank, but in the midst of a great deal of ob
vious and feeble stuff he undoubtedly wrote some
nature lyrics of excellent quality. The woods and
the fields were his delight. He loved to roam through
FIVE MEN AT RAN DOM 181
them, observing the flowers, the birds, the tall trees,
the shining sky overhead, the green of Spring, the
reds and browns of Autumn, the still whites of
Winter. There were times when he got his ecstasy
into words — when he wrote poems that were sound
and beautiful. These poems will not be forgotten;
there will be no history of American literature written
for a hundred years that does not mention Madison
Cawein. But what will the literary historians make
of the man himself? How will they explain his pos
session, however fitfully, of the divine gift — his gen
uine kinship with Wordsworth and Shelly? Cer
tainly no more unlikely candidate for the bays ever
shinned up Parnassus. His father was a quack doc
tor; his mother was a professional spiritualist; he
himself, for years and years, made a living as cash
ier in a gambling-house! Could anything be more
grotesque? Is it possible to imagine a more improb
able setting for a poet? Yet the facts are the facts,
and Mr. Rothert makes no attempt whatever to con
ceal them. Add a final touch of the bizarre: Cawein
fell over one morning while shaving in his bathroom,
and cracked his head on the bathtub, and after his
death there was a row over his life insurance. Mr.
Rothert presents all of the documents. The autopsy
is described; the death certificate is quoted. ... A
strange, strange tale, indeed !
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4
Frank Harris
Though, so far as I know, this Harris is a per
fectly reputable man, fearing God and obeying the
laws, it is not to be gainsaid that a certain flavor of
the sinister hangs about his aspect. The first time
I ever enjoyed the honor of witnessing him, there
bobbed up in my mind (instantly put away as un
worthy and unseemly) a memory of the handsome
dogs who used to chain shrieking virgins to railway
tracks in the innocent, pre-Ibsenish dramas of my
youth, the while a couple of stage hands imitated
the rumble of the Empire State Express in the wings.
There was the same elegance of turn-out, the same
black mustachios, the same erect figure and lordly
air, the same agate glitter in the eyes, the same aloof
and superior smile. A sightly fellow, by all the
gods, and one who obviously knew how to sneer.
That afternoon, in fact, we had a sneering match, and
before it was over most of the great names in the
letters and politics of the time, circa 1914, had been
reduced to faint hisses and ha-has. . . . Well, a
sneerer has his good days and his bad days. There
are times when his gift gives him such comfort that
it can be matched only by God's grace, and there are
times when it launches upon him such showers of
darts that he is bound to feel a few stings. Harris
FIVE MEN AT RAN DOM 183
got the darts first, for the year that he came back to
his native land, after a generation of exile, was the
year in which Anglomania rose to the dignity of a na
tional religion — and what he had to say about the
English, among whom he had lived since the early
80's, was chiefly of a very waspish and disconcerting
character. Worse, he not only said it, twirling his
mustache defiantly; he also wrote it down, and pub
lished it in a book. This book was full of shocks for
the rapt worshippers of the Motherland, and particu
larly for the literary Kanonendelicatessen who fol
lowed the pious leadership of Woodrow and Ochs,
Putnam and Roosevelt, Wister and Cyrus Curtis,
young Reid and Mrs. Jay. So they called a special
meeting of the American Academy of Arts and
Letters, sang "God Save the King," kissed the Union
Jack, and put Harris into Coventry. And there he
remained for five or six long years. The literary
reviews never mentioned him. His books were ex
punged from the minutes. When he was heard of
at all, it was only in whispers, and the general bur
den of those whispers was that he was in the pay of
the Kaiser, and plotting to garrot the Rev. Dr. Wil
liam T. Manning. . . .
So down to 1921. Then the English, with charac
teristic lack of delicacy, played a ghastly trick upon
all those dutiful and well-meaning colonists. That
is to say, they suddenly forgave Harris his criminal
184 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
refusal to take their war buncombe seriously, ex
humed him from his long solitude among the Anglo-
Ashkenazim, and began praising him in rich, hearty
terms as a literary gentleman of the first water, and
even as the chief adornment of American letters!
The English notices of his "Contemporary Portraits:
Second Series" were really quite amazing. The Lon
don Times gave him two solid columns, and where
the Times led, all the other great organs of English
literary opinion followed. The book itself was de
scribed as something extraordinary, a piece of criti
cism full of shrewdness and originality, and the
author was treated with the utmost politeness. . . .
One imagines the painful sensation in the New York
Times office, the dismayed groups around far-flung
campus pumps, the special meetings of the Princeton,
N. J., and Urbana, 111., American Legions, the secret
conference between the National Institute of Arts and
Letters and the Ku Klux Klan. But though there
was tall talk by hot heads, nothing could be done.
Say "Wo!" and the dutiful jackass turns to the right;
say "Gee!" and he turns to the left. It is too much,
of course, to ask him to cheer as well as turn — bujt
he nevertheless turns. Since 1921 I have heard no
more whispers against Harris from professors and
Vigilantes. But on two or three occasions, the sub
ject coming up, I have heard him sneer his master
sneer, and each time my blood has run cold.
FIVE MEN AT RAN DOM 185
Well, what is in him? My belief, frequently ex
pressed, is that there is a great deal. His "Oscar
Wilde" is, by long odds, the best literary biography
ever written by an American — an astonishingly frank,
searching and vivid reconstruction of character — a
piece of criticism that makes all ordinary criticism
seem professorial and lifeless. The Comstocks, I
need not say, tried to suppress it; a brilliant light is
thrown upon Harris by the fact that they failed ig-
nominiously. All the odds were in favor of the Com
stocks ; they had patriotism on their side and the help
of all the swine who flourished in those days; never
theless, Harris gave them a severe beating, and scared
them half to death. In brief, a man of the most
extreme bellicosity, enterprise and courage — a fellow
whose ideas are expressed absolutely regardless of
tender feelings, whether genuine or bogus. In "The
Man Shakespeare" and "The Women of Shake
speare" he tackled the whole body of academic Eng
lish critics en masse — and routed them en masse.
The two books, marred perhaps by a too bombastic
spirit, yet contain some of the soundest, shrewdest
and most convincing criticism of Shakespeare that has
ever been written. All the old hocus-pocus is thrown
overboard. There is an entirely new examination
of the materials, and to the business is brought a
knowledge of the plays so ready and so vast that that
of even the most learned don begins to seem a mere
186 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
smattering. The same great grasp of facts and evi
dences is visible in the sketches which make up the
three volumes of "Contemporary Portraits." What
one always gets out of them is a feeling that the man
knows the men he is writing about — that he not only
knows what he sets down, but a great deal more.
There is here nothing of the cold correctness of the
usual literary "estimate." Warts are not forgotten,
whether of the nose or of the immortal soul. The
subject, beginning as a political shibboleth or a row
of books, gradually takes on all the colors of life,
and then begins to move, naturally and freely. I
know of no more brilliant evocations of personality
in any literature — and most of them are personalities
of sharp flavor, for Harris, in his day, seems to have
known almost everybody worth knowing, and whoever
he knew went into his laboratory for vivisection.
The man is thus a first rate critic of his time, and
what he has written about his contemporaries is cer
tain to condition the view of them held in the future.
What gives him his value in this difficult field is, first
of all and perhaps most important of all, his cynical
detachment — his capacity for viewing men and ideas
objectively. In his life, of course, there have been
friendships and some of them have been strong and
long-continued, but when he writes it is with a sort of
surgical remoteness; as if the business in hand were
vastly more important than the man. He was lately
FIVE MEN AT RAN DOM 187
protesting violently that he was and is quite devoid of
malice. Granted. But so is a surgeon. To write
of George Moore as he has written may be writing
devoid of malice, but nevertheless the effect is pre
cisely that which would follow if some malicious
enemy were to drag poor George out of his celibate
couch in the dead of night, and chase him naked down
Shaftsbury avenue. The thing is appallingly revel
atory — and I believe that it is true. The Moore that
he depicts may not be absolutely the real Moore, but
he is unquestionably far nearer to the real Moore
than the Moore of the Moore books. The method,
of course, has its defects. Harris is far more
interested, fundamentally, in men than in their
ideas: the catholic sweep of his "Contemporary
Portraits" proves it. In consequence his judgments
of books are often colored by his opinions of their
authors. He dislikes Mark Twain as his own antith
esis: a trimmer and poltroon. Ergo, "A Connec
ticut Yankee" is drivel, which leads us, as Euclid
hath it, to absurdity. He once had a row with
Dreiser. Ergo, "The Titan" is nonsense, which is
itself nonsense. But I know of no critic who is
wholly free from that quite human weakness. In
the academic bunkophagi it is everything; they are
willing to swallow anything so long as the author is
sound upon the League of Nations. It seems to me
that such aberrations are rarer in Harris than in
188 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
most. He may have violent prejudices, but it is
seldom that they play upon a man who is honest.
I judge from his frequent discussions of him
self — he is happily free from the vanity of
modesty — that the pets of his secret heart are his
ventures into fiction, and especially, "The Bomb"
and "Monies the Matador." The latter has been
greatly praised by Arnold Bennett, who has also
praised Leonard Merrick. I have read it four or
five times, and always with enjoyment. It is a
powerful and adept tale; well constructed and
beautifully written; it recalls some of the best of
the shorter stories of Thomas Hardy. Alongside
it one might range half a dozen other Harris
stories — all of them carefully put together, every one
the work of a very skillful journeyman. But despite
Harris, the authentic Harris is not the story -writer:
he has talents, of course, but it would be absurd to
put "Monies the Matador" beside "Heart of Dark
ness." In "Love in Youth" he descends to unmis
takable fluff and feebleness. The real Harris is the
author of the Wilde volumes, of the two books about
Shakespeare, of the three volumes of "Contemporary
Portraits." Here there is stuff that lifts itself clearly
and brilliantly above the general — criticism that has
a terrific vividness and plausibility, and all the gusto
that the professors can never pump up. Harris
makes his opinions not only interesting, but impor-
FIVE MEN AT RAN DOM 189
tant. What he has to say always seems novel, in
genious, and true. Here is the chief lifework of an
American who, when all values are reckoned up, will
be found to have been a sound artist and an extremely
intelligent, courageous and original man — and in
finitely the superior of the poor dolts who once tried
so childishly to dispose of him.
Havelock Ellis
If the test of the personal culture of a man
be the degree of his freedom from the banal ideas
and childish emotions which move the great masses
of men, then Havelock Ellis is undoubtedly the most
civilized Englishman of his generation. He is a man
of the soundest and widest learning, but it is not his
positive learning that gives him distinction; it is his
profound and implacable skepticism, his penetrating
eye for the transient, the disingenuous, and the
shoddy. So unconditioned a skepticism, it must be
plain, is not an English habit. The average English
man of science, though he may challenge the Contin
entals within his speciality, is only too apt to sink to
the level of a politician, a green grocer, or a suburban
clergyman outside it. The examples of Wallace,
Crookes, and Lodge are anything but isolated.
Scratch an English naturalist and you are likely to
190 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
discover a spiritualist; take an English metaphysician
to where the band is playing, and if he begins to snuffle
patriotically you need not be surprised. The late
war uncovered this weakness in a wholesale manner.
The English Gelehrten, as a class, not only stood by
their country; they also stood by the Hon. David
Lloyd George, the Daily Mail, and the mob in Trafal
gar Square. Unluckily, the asinine manifestations
ensuing — for instance, the "proofs" of the eminent
Oxford philologist that the Germans had never con
tributed anything to philology — are not to be de
scribed with good grace by an American, for they
were far surpassed on this side of the water. Eng
land at least had Ellis, with Bertrand Russell, Wilfrid
Scawen Blunt, and a few others in the background.
We had, on that plane, no one.
Ellis, it seems to me, stood above all the rest, and
precisely because his dissent from the prevailing im
becilities was quite devoid of emotion and had noth
ing in it of brummagen moral purpose. Too many
of the heretics of the time were simply orthodox
witch-hunters off on an unaccustomed tangent. In
their disorderly indignation they matched the regular
professors; it was only in the objects of their ranting
that they differed. But Ellis kept his head through
out. An Englishman of the oldest native stock, an
unapologetic lover of English scenes and English
ways, an unshaken believer in the essential sound-
FIVE MEN AT RANDOM 191
ness and high historical destiny of his people, he
simply stood aside from the current clown-show and
waited in patience for sense and decency to be re
stored. His "Impressions and Comments," the rec
ord of his war-time reflections, is not without its note
of melancholy; it was hard to look on without de
pression. But for the man of genuine culture there
were at least some resources remaining within him
self, and what gives this volume its chief value is
its picture of how such a man made use of them.
Ellis, facing the mob unleashed, turned to concerns
and ideas beyond its comprehension — to the human
ism that stands above all such sordid conflicts. There
is something almost of Renaissance dignity in his
chronicle of his speculations. The man that emerges
is not a mere scholar immured in a cell, but a man of
the world superior to his race and his time — a phi
losopher viewing the childish passion of lesser men
disdainfully and yet not too remote to understand it.
and even to see in it a certain cosmic use. A fine air
blows through the book. It takes the reader into the
company of one whose mind is a rich library and
whose manner is that of a gentleman. He is the
complete anti-Kipling. In him the Huxleian tradi
tion comes to full flower.
His discourse ranges from Beethoven to Com-
stockery and from Spanish architecture to the charm
of the English village. The extent of the man's
192 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
knowledge is really quite appalling. His primary
work in the world has been that of a psychologist,
and in particular he has brought a great erudition and
an extraordinarily sound judgment to the vexatious
problems of the psychology of sex, but that profes
sional concern, extending over so many years, has
not prevented him from entering a dozen other do
mains of speculation, nor has it dulled his sensitive
ness to beauty nor his capacity to evoke it. His writ
ing was never better than in this volume. His style,
especially towards the end, takes on a sort of glowing
clarity. It is English that is as transparent as a
crystal, and yet it is English that is full of fine colors
and cadences. There could be no better investiture
for the questionings and conclusions of so original,
so curious, so learned, and, above all, so sound and
hearty a man.
IX. THE NATURE OF LIBERTY
EVERY time an officer of the constabulary,
in the execution of his just and awful
powers under American law, produces a
compound fracture of the occiput of some citizen in
his custody, with hemorrhage, shock, coma and
death, there comes a feeble, falsetto protest from
specialists in human liberty. Is it a fact without sig
nificance that this protest is never supported by the
great body of American freemen, setting aside the
actual heirs and creditors of the victim? I think
not. Here, as usual, public opinion is very realistic.
It does not rise against the policeman for the plain
and simple reason that it does not question his right
to do what he has done. Policemen are not given
night-sticks for ornament. They are given them for
the purpose of cracking the skulls of the recalcitrant
plain people, Democrats and Republicans alike.
When they execute that high duty they are palpably
within their rights.
The specialists aforesaid are the same fanatics who
shake the air with sobs every time the Postmaster-
General of the United States bars a periodical from
193
194 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
the mails because its ideas do not please him, and
every time some poor Russian is deported for reading
Karl Marx, and every time a Prohibition enforcement
officer murders a bootlegger who resists his levies,
and every time agents of the Department of Justice
throw an Italian out of the window, and every time
the Ku Klux Klan or the American Legion tars and
feathers a Socialist evangelist. In brief, they are
Radicals, and to scratch one with a pitchfork is to
expose a Bolshevik. They are men standing in con
tempt of American institutions and in enmity to
American idealism. And their evil principles are no
less offensive to right-thinking and red-blooded Amer
icans when they are United States Senators or edi
tors of wealthy newspapers than wThen they are de
graded I. W. W.'s throwing dead cats and infernal
machines into meetings of the Rotary Club.
What ails them primarily is the ignorant and uncrit
ical monomania that afflicts every sort of fanatic,
at all times and everywhere. Having mastered with
their limited faculties the theoretical principles set
forth in the Bill of Rights, they work themselves into
a passionate conviction that those principles are iden
tical with the rules of law and justice, and ought to be
enforced literally, and without the slightest regard
for circumstance and expediency. It is precisely as
if a High Church rector, accidentally looking into the
Book of Chronicles, and especially Chapter II, should
THE NATURE OF LIBERTY 195
suddenly issue a mandate from his pulpit ordering
his parishioners, on penalty of excommunication and
the fires of hell, to follow exactly the example set
forth, to wit: "And Jesse begat his first born Eliab,
and Abinadab the second, and Shknma the third,
Netheneel the fourth, Raddai the fifth, Ozen the sixth,
David the seventh," and so on. It might be very
sound theoretical theology, but it would surely be
out of harmony with modern ideas, and the rev.
gentleman would be extremely lucky if the bishop did
not give him 10 days in the diocesan hoosegow.
So with the Bill of Rights. As adopted by the
Fathers of the Republic, it was gross, crude, inelastic,
a bit fanciful and transcendental. It specified the
rights of a citizen, but it said nothing whatever about
his duties. Since then, by the orderly processes of
legislative science and by the even more subtle and
beautiful devices of juridic art, it has been kneaded
and mellowed into a far greater pliability and reason
ableness. On the one hand, the citizen still retains
the great privilege of membership in the most superb
free nation ever witnessed on this earth. On the
other hand, as a result of countless shrewd enact
ments and sagacious decisions, his natural lusls. and
appetites are held in laudable check, and he is t/>us>
kept in order and decorum. No artificial impedi
ment stands in the way of his highest aspiration. He
may become anything, including even a policeman.
196 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
But once a policeman, he is protected by the legis
lative and judicial arms in the peculiar rights and
prerogatives that go with his high office, including
especially the right to jug the laity at his will, to sweat
and mug them, to subject them to the third degree,
and to subdue their resistance by beating out their
brains. Those who are unaware of this are simply
ignorant of th'e basic principles of American juris
prudence, as they have been exposed times without
number by the courts of first instance and ratified
in lofty terms by the Supreme Court of the United
States. The one aim of the controlling decisions,
magnificently attained, is to safeguard public order
and the public security, and to substitute a judicial
process for the inchoate and dangerous interaction of
discordant egos.
Let us imagine an example. You are, say, a peace
able citizen on your way home from your place of
employment. A police sergeant, detecting you in the
crowd, approaches you, lays his hand on your
collar, and informs you that you are under arrest for
killing a trolley conductor in Altoona, Pa., in 1917.
Amazed by the accusation, you decide hastily that the
officer has lost his wits, and take to your heels. He
pursues you. You continue to run. He draws his
revolver and fires at you. He misses you. He fires
again and fetches you in the leg. You fall and he
is upon you. You prepare to resist his apparently
THE NATURE OF LIBERTY 197
maniacal assault. He beats you into insensibility
with his espantoon, and drags you to the patrol box.
Arrived at the watch house you are locked in a
room with five detectives, and for six hours they
question you with subtle art. You grow angry — per
haps robbed of your customary politeness by the
throbbing in your head and leg — and answer tartly.
They knock you down. Having failed to wring a
confession from you, they lock you in a cell, and leave
you there all night. The next day you are taken to
police headquarters, your photograph is made for the
Rogues' Gallery, and a print is duly deposited in the
section labeled "Murderers." You are then carted
to jail and locked up again. There you remain until
the trolley conductor's wife comes down from Altoona
to identify you. She astonishes the police by say
ing that you are not the man. The actual murderer,
it appears, was an Italian. After holding you a day
or two longer, to search your house for stills, audit
your income tax returns, and investigate the pre
marital chastity of your wife, they let you go.
You are naturally somewhat irritated by your ex
perience and perhaps your wife urges you to seek
redress. Well, what are your remedies? If you
are a firebrand, you reach out absurdly for those of
a preposterous nature: the instant jailing of the ser
geant, the dismissal of the Police Commissioner, the
release of Mooney, a fair trial for Sacco and Vanzetti,
198 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
free trade with Russia, One Big Union. But if you
are a 100 per cent. American and respect the laws
and institutions of your country, you send for your
solicitor — and at once he shows you just how far your
rights go, and where they end. You cannot cause the
arrest of the sergeant, for you resisted him when he
attempted to arrest you, and when you resisted him
he acquired an instant right to take you by force.
You cannot proceed against him for accusing you
falsely, for he has a right to make summary arrests
for felony, and the courts have many times decided
that a public officer, so long as he cannot be charged
with corruption or malice, is not liable for errors of
judgment made in the execution of his sworn duty.
You cannot get the detectives on the mat, for when
they questioned you you were a prisoner accused of
murder, and it was their duty and their right to do so.
You cannot sue the turnkey at the watch house or the
warden at the jail for locking you up, for they re
ceived your body, as the law says, in a lawful and
regular manner, and would have been liable to pen
alty if they had turned you loose.
But have you no redress whatever, no rights at all?
Certainly you have a right, and the courts have jeal
ously guarded it. You have a clear right, guaranteed
to you under the Constitution, to go into a court of
equity and apply for a mandamus requiring the Pol-
izei to cease forthwith to expose your portrait in the
THE NATURE OF LIBERTY 199
Rogues' Gallery among the murderers. This is your
inalienable right, and no man or men on earth can
take it away from you. You cannot prevent them
cherishing your portrait in their secret files, but you
can get an order commanding them to refrain for
ever from exposing it to the gaze of idle visitors, and
if you can introduce yourself unseen into their studio
and prove that they disregard that order, you can
have them haled into court for contempt and fined by
the learned judge.
Thus the law, statute, common and case, protects
the free American against injustice. It is ignorance
of that subtle and perfect process and not any special
love of liberty per se that causes radicals of anti-
American kidney to rage every time an officer of the
gendarmerie, in the simple execution of his duty,
knocks a citizen in the head. The gendarme plainly
has an inherent and inalienable right to knock him in
the head: it is an essential part of his general pre
rogative as a sworn officer of the public peace and a
representative of the sovereign power of the state.
He may, true enough, exercise that prerogative in a
manner liable to challenge on the ground that it is
imprudent and lacking in sound judgment. On such
questions reasonable men may differ. But it must
be obvious that the sane and decorous way to settle
differences of opinion of that sort is not by public
outcry and florid appeals to sentimentality, not by ill-
200 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
disguised playing to class consciousness and anti
social prejudice, but by an orderly resort to the checks
and remedies superimposed upon the Bill of Rights by
the calm deliberation and austere logic of the courts
of equity.
The law protects the citizen. But to get its pro
tection he must show due respect for its wise and del
icate processes.
X. THE NOVEL
AN unmistakable flavor of effeminacy hangs ,
about the novel, however heroic its con- '
tent. Even in the gaudy tales of a Rex
Beach, with their bold projections of the Freudian
dreams of go-getters, ioe-wagon drivers, Ku Kluxers,
Rotary Club presidents and other such carnivora,
there is a subtle something that suggests water-color
painting, lip-sticks and bon-bons. Well, why not?
When the novel, in the form that we know to-day,
arose in Spain toward the end of the sixteenth cen
tury, it was aimed very frankly at the emerging
Ivomen of the Castilian seraglios — women who were
gradually emancipating themselves from the Kuche-
Kinder-Kirche darkness of the later Middle Ages, but
had not yet come to anything even remotely approach
ing the worldly experience and intellectual curiosity
of men. They could now read and they liked to prac
tice the art, but the grand literature of the time was
too profound for them, and too somber. So
literary confectioners undertook stuff that would
be more to their taste, and the modern novel was
born. A single plot served most of these confec-
201
202 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
tioners; it became and remains one of the conventions
of the form. Man and maid meet, love, and proceed
to kiss — but the rest must wait. The buss remains
chaste through long and harrowing chapters; not
until the very last scene do fate and Holy Church
license anything more. This plot, as I say, still
serves, and Arnold Bennett is authority for the doc
trine that it is the safest known. Its appeal is
patently to the feminine fancy, not to the masculine.
Women like to be wooed endlessly before they
loose their girdles and are wooed no more.
But a man, when he finds a damsel to his taste, is
eager to get through the preliminary hocus-pocus as
soon as possible.
That women are still the chief readers of novels is
jfs known to every book clerk: Joseph Hergesheimer,
a little while back, was bemoaning the fact as a curse
to his craft. What is less often noted is that women
themselves, as they have gradually become fully lit
erate, have forced their way to the front as makers of
,the stuff they feed on, and that they show signs of oust
ing the men, soon or late, from the business. Save in
the department of lyrical verse, which demands no
organization of ideas but only fluency of feeling, they
have nowhere else done serious work in literature.
There is no epic poem of any solid value by a woman,
dead or alive; and no drama, whether comedy or
tragedy; and no work of metaphysical speculation;
THE NOVEL 203
and no history; and no basic document in any other
realm of thought. In criticism, whether of works of
art or of the ideas underlying them, few women have
ever got beyond the Schwdrmerei of Madame de
StaeTs "L'Allemagne." In the essay, the most com
petent woman barely surpasses the average Fleet
Street causerie hack or Harvard professor. But in
the novel the ladies have stood on a level with even
the most accomplished men since the day of Jane
Austen, and not only in Anglo-Saxondom, but also
everywhere else — save perhaps in Russia. To-day
it would be difficult to think of a contemporary Ger
man novelist of sounder dignity than Clara Viebig,
Helene Bohlau or Ricarda Huch, or a Scandinavian
novelist clearly above Selma Lagerlof, or an Italian
above Mathilda Serao, or, for that matter, more than
two or three living Englishmen above May Sinclair,
or more than two Americans equal to Willa Gather.
Not only are women writing novels quite as good as
those written by men — setting aside, of course, a few
miraculous pieces by such fellows as Joseph Conrad:
most of them not really novels at all, but meta
physical sonatas disguised as romances — ; they are
actually surpassing men in their experimental de
velopment of the novel form. I do not believe that
either Evelyn Scott's "The Narrow House" or May
Sinclair's "Life and Death of Harriet Frean" has the
depth and beam of, say, Dreiser's "Jennie Gerhardt"
204 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
or Arnold Bennett's "Old Wives' Tale," but
it is certainly to be argued plausibly that both books
show a far greater venturesomeness and a far finer
virtuosity in the novel form — that both seek to free
that form from artificialities which Dreiser and Ben
nett seem to be almost unaware of. When men ex
hibit any discontent with those artificialities it usually
takes the shape of a vain and uncouth revolt against
the whole inner spirit of the novel — that is, against
the characteristics which make it what it is, Their
lusher imagination tempts them to try to convert it
into something that it isn't — for example, an epic, a
political document, or a philosophical work. This
fact explains, in one direction, such dialectical para
bles as Dreiser's "The 'Genius,' " H. G. Wells' "Joan
and Peter" and Upton Sinclair's "King Coal," and,
in a quite different direction, such rhapsodies as
Cabell's "Jurgen," Meredith's "The Shaving of Shag-
pat" and Jacob Wassermann's "The World's Illu
sion." These things are novels only in the very
limited sense that Beethoven's "Vittoria" and Gold-
marck's "Landliche Hochzeit" are symphonies.
Their chief purpose is not that of prose fiction; it is
either that of argumentation or that of poetry. The
women novelists, with very few exceptions, are far
more careful to remain within the legitimate bounds
of the form ; they do not often abandon representation
to exhort r>r exult. Miss Gather's "My Antonia"
THE NOVEL 205
shows a great deal of originality in its method; the
story it tells is certainly not a conventional one,
nor is it told in a conventional way. But it remains
a novel none the less, and as clearly so, in fact, as
"The Ordeal of Richard Feverel" or "Robinson
Crusoe."
Much exertion of the laryngeal and respiratory
muscles is wasted upon a discussion of the differences
between realistic novels and romantic novels. As a
matter of fact, every authentic novel is realistic in its
method, however fantastic it may be in its fable.
The primary aim of the novel, at all times and every-
"jxwhere, is the representation of human beings at their
follies and villainies, and no other art form clings to
that aim so faithfully. It sets forth, not wrhat might
be true, or what ought to be true, but what actually
is true. This is obviously not the case with poetry.
Poetry is the product of an effort to invent a world
appreciably better than the one we live in; its essence
is not the representation of the facts, but the de
liberate concealment and denial of the facts. As for
the drama, it vacillates, and if it touches the novel
on one side it also touches the epic on the other. But
the novel is concerned solely with human nature as
it is practically revealed and with human experience
as men actually know it. If it departs from that
representational fidelity ever so slightly, it becomes
to that extent a bad novel; if it departs violently it
206 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
ceases to be a novel at all. Cabell, who shows all
the critical deficiencies of a sound artist, is one who
has spent a good deal of time questioning the uses of
realism. Yet it is a plain fact that his own stature as
an artist depends almost wholly upon his capacity
for accurate observation and realistic representation.
The stories in "The Line of Love," though they may
appear superficially to be excessively romantic,
really owe all of their charm to their pungent realism.
The pleasure they give is the pleasure of recognition;
one somehow delights in seeing a mediaeval baron act
ing precisely like a New York stockbroker. As for
"Jurgen," it is as realistic in manner as Zola's "La
Terre," despite its grotesque fable and its burden of
political, theological and epistemological ideas. No
one not an idiot would mistake the dialogue between
Jurgen and Queen Guinevere's father for romantic,
in the sense that Kipling's "Mandalay" is romantic;
it is actually as mordantly realistic as the dialogue
between Nora and Helmer in the last act of "A Doll's
House."
It is my contention that women succeed in the
v novel — and that they will succeed even more strik
ingly as they gradually throw off the inhibitions that
have hitherto cobwebbed their minds — simply be
cause they are better fitted for this realistic repre
sentation than men — because they see the facts of
life more sharply, and are less distracted by mooney
THE NOVEL 207
dreams. Women seldom have the pathological
faculty vaguely called imagination. One doesn't
often hear of them groaning over colossal bones in
their sleep, as dogs do, or constructing heavenly
hierarchies or political Utopias, as men do. Their
concern is always with things of more objective sub
stance — roofs, meals, rent, clothes, the birth and up
bringing of children. They are, I believe, generally
happier than men, if only because the demands they
make of life are more moderate and less romantic.
The chief pain that a man normally suffers in his
progress through this vale is that of disillusionment;
the chief pain that a woman suffers is that of par
turition. There is enormous significance in the
difference. The first is artificial and self-inflicted;
the second is natural and unescapable. The psycho
logical history of the differentiation I need not go into
here: its springs lie obviously in the greater physical
strength of man and his freedom from child-bearing,
and in the larger mobility and capacity for adventure
that go therewith. A man dreams of Utopias simply
because he feels himself free to construct them; a
woman must keep house. In late years, to be sure,
she has toyed with the idea of escaping that necessity,
but I shall not bore you with arguments showing that
she never will. So long as children are brought into
i the world and made ready for the trenches, the sweat-
i shops and the gallows by the laborious method or-
208 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
dained of God she will never be quite as free to roam
and dream as man is. It is only a small minority of
her sex who cherish a contrary expectation, and this
minority, though anatomically female, is spiritually
male. Show me a woman who has visions compara
ble, say, to those of Swedenborg, Woodrow Wilson,
Strindberg or Dr. Ghandi, and I'll show you a woman
who is a very powerful anaphrodisiac.
Thus women, by their enforced preoccupation with
the harsh facts of life, are extremely well fitted to
write novels, which must deal with the facts or
nothing. What they need for the practical business,
in addition, falls under two heads. First, they need
enough sense of social security to make them free to
set down what they see. Secondly, they need the
modest technical skill, the formal mastery of words
and ideas, necessary to do it. The latter, I believe,
they have had ever since they learned to read and
write, say three hundred years ago; it comes to them
more readily than to men, and is exercised with
greater ease. The former they are fast acquiring.
In the days of Aphra Behn and Ann Radcliffe it was
almost as scandalous for a woman to put her obser
vations and notions into print as it was for her to
show her legs; even in the days of Jane Austen and
Charlotte Bronte the thing was regarded as decidedly
unladylike. But now, within certain limits, she is
free to print whatever she pleases, and before long
THE NOVEL 209
even those surviving limits will be obliterated. If I
live to the year 1950 I expect to see a novel by a
women that will describe a typical marriage under
Christianity, from the woman's standpoint, as real
istically as it is treated from the man's standpoint in
Upton Sinclair's "Love's Pilgrimage." That novel, I
venture to predict, will be a cuckoo. At one stroke it
will demolish superstitions that have prevailed in the
Western World since the fall of the Roman Empire.
It will seem harsh, but it will be true. And, being
true, it will be a good novel. There can be no good
one that is not true.
What ailed the women novelists, until very
recently, was a lingering ladyism — a childish pru
dery inherited from their mothers. I believe that it
is being rapidly thrown off; indeed, one often sees
a concrete wroman novelist shedding it. I give you
two obvious examples: Zona Gale and Willa Gather.
Miss Gale started out by trying to put into novels the
conventional prettiness that is esteemed along the
Main Streets of her native Wisconsin. She had
skill and did it well, and so she won a good deal of
popular success. But her work was intrinsically as
worthless as a treatise on international politics by the
Hon. Warren Gamaliel Harding or a tract on the
duties of a soldier and a gentleman by a state pres
ident of the American Legion. Then, of a sudden,
for some reason quite unknown to the deponent, she
210 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
threw off all that flabby artificiality, and began de
scribing the people about her as they really were.
The result was a second success even more pro
nounced than her first, and on a palpably higher
level. The career of Miss Gather has covered less
ground, for she began far above Main Street. What
she tried to do at the start was to imitate the super
ficial sophistication of Edith Wharton and Henry
James — a deceptive thing, apparently realistic in
essence, but actually as conventional as table man
ners or the professional buffooneries of a fashion
able rector. Miss Gather had extraordinary skill
as a writer, and so her imitation was scarcely to be
distinguished from the original, but in the course of
time she began to be aware of its hollowness. Then
she turned to first-hand representation — to pictures
of the people she actually knew. There ensued a
series of novels that rose step by step to the very
distinguished quality of "My Antonia." That fine
piece is a great deal more than simply a good novel.
It is a document in the history of American literature.
It proves, once and for all time, that accurate repre
sentation is not, as the campus critics of Dreiser seem
to think, inimical to beauty. It proves, on the con
trary, that the most careful and penetrating repre
sentation is itself the source of a rare and wonderful
beauty. No romantic novel ever written in America,
THE NOVEL 211
by man or woman, is one-half so beautiful as "My
Antonia."
As I have said, the novel, in the United States as
elsewhere, still radiates an aroma of effeminacy,
in the conventional sense. Specifically, it deals
too monotonously with the varieties of human trans
actions which chiefly interest the unintelligent women
jwho are its chief patrons and the scarcely less intel
ligent women who, until recently, were among its
chief commercial manufacturers, to wit, the trans
actions that revolve around the ensnarement of men
by women — the puerile tricks and conflicts of what
is absurdly called romantic love. But I believe
that the women novelists, as they emerge into the
fullness of skill, will throw overboard all that old
baggage, and leave its toting to such male artisans
as Chambers, Beach, Coningsby Dawson and Emer
son Hough, as they have already left the whole
flag-waving and "red-blooded" buncombe. True
enough, the snaring of men will remain the principal
business of women in this world for many genera
tions, but it would be absurd to say that intelligent
women, even to-day, view it romantically — that is,
as it is viewed by bad novelists. They see it realis
tically, and they see it, not as an end in itself, but
as a means to other ends. It is, speaking generally,
after she has got her man that a woman begins to
212 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
live. The novel of the future, I believe, will show
her thus living. It will depict the intricate complex
of forces that conditions her life and generates her
ideas, and it will show, against a background of
actuality, her conduct in the eternal struggle between
her aspiration and her destiny. Women, as I have
argued, are not normally harassed by the grandiose
and otiose visions that inflame the gizzards of men,
but they too discover inevitably that life is a con
flict, and that it is the harsh fate of Homo sapiens
to get the worst of it. I should like to read a "Main
Street" by an articulate Carol Kennicott, or a "Ti
tan" by one of Cowperwood's mistresses, or a
"Cytherea" by a Fanny Randon — or a Savina Grove!
It would be sweet stuff, indeed. . . . And it will
come.
XI. THE FORWARD. LOOKER
WHEN the history of the late years in
America is written, I suspect that their
grandest, gaudiest gifts to Kultur will
be found in the incomparable twins: the right-
thinker and the forward-looker. No other nation can
match them, at any weight. The right-thinker is
privy to all God's wishes, and even whims; the for
ward-looker is the heir to all His promises to the
righteous. The former is never wrong; the latter
is never despairing. Sometimes the two are amal
gamated into one man, and we have a Bryan, a Wil
son, a Dr. Frank Crane. But more often there is a
division: the forward-looker thinks wrong, and the
right-thinker looks backward. I give you Upton Sin
clair and Nicholas Murray Butler as examples.
Butler is an absolute masterpiece of correct thought;
in his whole life, so far as human records show, he
has not cherished a single fancy that might not have
been voiced by a Fifth Avenue rector or spread upon
the editorial page of the New York Times. But he
has no vision, alas, alas! All the revolutionary in
ventions for lifting up humanity leave him cold. He
213
214 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
is against them all, from the initiative and referendum
to birth control, and from Fletcherism to osteopathy.
Now turn to Sinclair. He believes in every one of
them, however daring and fantoddish; he grasps and
gobbles all the new ones the instant they are an
nounced. But the man simply cannot think right.
He is wrong on politics, on economics, and on
theology. He glories in and is intensely vain of
his wrongness. Let but a new article of correct
American thought get itself stated by the constituted
ecclesiastical and secular authorities — by Bishop
Manning, or Judge Gary, or Butler, or Adolph Ochs,
or Dr. Fabian Franklin, or Otto Kahn, or Dr. Ste
phen S. Wise, or Roger W. Babson, or any other such
inspired omphalist — and he is against it almost be
fore it is stated.
On the whole, as a neutral in such matters, I pre
fer the forward-looker to the right-thinker, if only
because he shows more courage and originality. It
takes nothing save lack of humor to believe what
Butler, or Ochs, or Bishop Manning believes, but it
tak<es long practice and a considerable natural gift
to get down the beliefs of Sinclair. I remember
with great joy the magazine that he used to issue
during the war. In the very first issue he advocated
Socialism, the single tax, birth control, communism,
the League of Nations, the conscription of wealth,
THE FORWARD-LOOKER 215
government ownership of coal mines, sex hygiene
and free trade. In the next issue he added the recall
of judges, Fletcherism, the Gary system, the Montes-
sori method, paper-bag cookery, war gardens and the
budget system. In the third he came out for sex
hygiene, one big union, the initiative and referendum,
the city manager plan, chiropractic and Esperanto.
In the fourth he went to the direct primary, fasting,
the Third International, a federal divorce law, free
motherhood, hot lunches for school children, Pro
hibition, the vice crusade, Expressionismus, the gov
ernment control of newspapers, deep breathing, inter
national courts, the Fourteen Points, freedom for the
Armenians, the limitation of campaign expendi
tures, the merit system, the abolition of the New York
Stock Exchange, psychoanalysis, crystal-gazing, the
Little Theater movement, the recognition of Mexico,
v ers libre, old age pensions, unemployment insurance,
cooperative stores, the endowment of motherhood,
the Americanization of the immigrant, mental telep
athy, the abolition of grade crossings, federal labor
exchanges, profit-sharing in industry, a prohibitive
tax on Poms, the clean-up-paint-up campaign, relief
for the Jews, osteopathy, mental mastery, and the
twilight sleep. And so on, and so on. Once I had
got into the swing of the Sinclair monthly I found
that I could dispense with at least twenty other jour-
216 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
nals of the uplift. When he abandoned it I had to
subscribe for them anew, and the gravel has stuck
in my craw ever since.
In the first volume of his personal philosophy,
"The Book of Life: Mind and Body," he is estopped
from displaying whole categories of his ideas, for his
subject is not man the political and economic ma
chine, but man and mammal. Nevertheless, his char
acteristic hospitality to new revelations is abundantly
visible. What does the mind suggest? The mind sug
gests its dark and fascinating functions and powers,
some of them very recent. There is, for example,
psychoanalysis. There is mental telepathy. There
is crystal-gazing. There is double personality.
Out of each springs a scheme for the uplift of the
race — in each there is something for a forward-
looker to get his teeth into. And if mind, then why
not also spirit? Here even a forward-looker may
hesitate; here, in fact, Sinclair himself hesitates.
The whole field of spiritism is barred to him by his
theological heterodoxy; if he admits that man has an
immortal soul, he may also have to admit that the
soul can suffer in hell. Thus even forward-looking
may turn upon and devour itself. But if the meadow
wherein spooks and poltergeists disport is closed,
it is at least possible to peep over the fence. Sin
clair sees materializations in dark rooms, under red,
satanic lights. He is, perhaps, not yet convinced,
THE FORWARD-LOOKER 217
but he is looking pretty hard. Let a ghostly hand
reach out and grab him, and he will be over the
fence! The body is easier. The new inventions for
dealing with it are innumerable and irresistible; no
forward-looker can fail to succumb to at least some
of them. Sinclair teeters dizzily. On the one hand
he stoutly defends surgery — that is, provided the
patient is allowed to make his own diagnosis! — on
the other hand he is hot for fasting, teetotalism, and
the avoidance of drugs, coffee and tobacco, and he
begins to flirt with osteopathy and chiropractic.
More, he has discovered a new revelation in San
Francisco — a system of diagnosis and therapeutics,
still hooted at by the Medical Trust, whereby the exact
location of a cancer may be determined by examining
a few drops of the patient's blood, and syphilis may
be cured by vibrations, and whereby, most curious of
all, it can be established that odd numbers, written on
a sheet of paper, are full of negative electricity, and
even numbers are full of positive electricity.
The book is written with great confidence and ad-
dress, and has a good deal of shrewdness mixed with
its credulities; few licensed medical practitioners
could give you better advice. But it is less interest
ing than its author, or, indeed, than forward-lookers
in general. Of all the known orders of men they
fascinate me the most. I spend whole days reading
their pronunciamentos, and am an expert in the ebb
218 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
and flow of their singularly bizarre ideas. As I
have said, I have never encountered one who believed
in but one sure cure for all the sorrows of the world,
and let it go at that. Nay, even the most timorous
of them gives his full faith and credit to at least two.
Turn, for example, to the official list of eminent
single taxers issued by the Joseph Fels Fund. I
defy you to find one solitary man on it who stops with
the single tax. There is David Starr Jordan: he is
also one of the great whales of pacifism. There is
B. 0. Flower: he is the emperor of anti-vaccination-
ists. There is Carrie Chapman Catt: she is hot for
every peruna that the suffragettes brew. There is
W. S. U'Ren: he is in general practise as a messiah.
There is Hamlin Garland: he also chases spooks.
There is Jane Addams: vice crusader, pacifist, suf
fragist, settlement worker. There is Prof. Dr. Scott
Nearing: Socialist and martyr. There is Newt
Baker: heir of the Wilsonian idealism. There is
Gifford Pinchot: conservationist, Prohibitionist, Bull
Moose, and professional Good Citizen. There is
Judge Ben B. Lindsey: forward-looking's Jack Hor-
ner, forever sticking his thumb into new pies. I
could run the list to columns, but no need. You
know the type as well as I do. Give the forward-
looker the direct primary, and he demands the short
ballot. Give him the initiative and referendum, and
he bawls for the recall of judges. Give him Chris-
THE FORWARD-LOOKER 219
tian Science, and he proceeds to the swamis and
yogis. Give him the Mann Act, and he wants laws
providing for the castration of fornicators. Give
him Prohibition, and he launches a new crusade
against cigarettes, coffee, jazz, and custard pies.
I have a wide acquaintance among such sad, mad,
glad folks, and know some of them very well. It is
my belief that the majority or them are absolutely
honest — that they believe as fully in their baroque
gospels as I believe in the dishonesty of politicians —
that their myriad and amazing faiths sit upon them
as heavily as the fear of hell sits upon a Methodist
deacon who has degraded the vestry-room to carnal
uses. All that may be justly said against them is
that they are chronically full of hope, and hence
chronically uneasy and indignant — that they belong to
the less sinful and comfortable of the two grand
divisions of the human race. Call them the tender-
minded, as the late William James used to do, and
you have pretty well described them. They are, on
the one hand, pathologically sensitive to the sorrows
of the world, and, on the other hand, pathologically
susceptible to the eloquence of quacks. What seems
to lie in all of them is the doctrine that evils so vast
as those they see about them must and will be laid —
that it would be an insult to a just God to think of
them as permanent and irremediable. This notion,
I believe, is at the bottom of much of the current
220 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
pathetic faith in Prohibition. The thing itself is
obviously a colossal failure — that is, when viewed
calmly and realistically. It has not only not cured
the rum evil in the United States; it has plainly
made that evil five times as bad as it ever was before.
But to confess that bald fact would be to break the
forward-looking heart: it simply refuses to harbor
the concept of the incurable. And so, being de
barred by the legal machinery that supports Prohibi
tion from going back to any more feasible scheme
of relief, it cherishes the sorry faith that somehow,
in some vague and incomprehensible way, Prohibition
will yet work. When the truth becomes so horribly
evident that even forward-lookers are daunted, then
some new quack will arise to fool them again, with
some new and worse scheme of super-Prohibition.
It is their destiny to wobble thus endlessly between
quack and quack. One pulls them by the right arm
and one by the left arm. A third is at their coat-tail
pockets, and a fourth beckons them over the hill.
The rest of us are less tender-minded, and, in
consequence, much happier. We observe quite
clearly that the world, as it stands, is anything but
perfect — that injustice exists, and turmoil, and trag
edy, and bitter suffering of ten thousand kinds — that
human life at its best, is anything but a grand,
sweet song. But instead of ranting absurdly against
the fact, or weeping over it maudlinly, or trying
THE FORWARD-LOOKER 221
to remedy it with inadequate means, we simply put
the thought of it out of our minds, just as a wise
man puts away the thought that alcohol is probably
bad for his liver, or that his wife is a shade too fat.
Instead of mulling over it and suffering from it, we
seek contentment by pursuing the delights that are so
strangely mixed with the horrors — by seeking out the
soft spots and endeavoring to avoid the hard spots.
Such is the intelligent habit of practical and sinful
men, and under it lies a sound philosophy. After
all, the world is not our handiwork, and we are not
responsible for what goes on in it, save within very
narrow limits. Going outside them with our protests
and advice tends to become contumacy to the celes
tial hierarchy. Do the poor suffer in the midst of
plenty? Then let us thank God politely that we are
not that poor. Are rogues in offices? Well, go call
a policeman, thus setting rogue upon rogue. Are
taxes onerous, wasteful, unjust? Then let us dodge as
large a part of them as we can. Are whole regiments
and army corps of our fellow creatures doomed to
hell? Then let them complain to the archangels,
and, if the archangels are too busy to hear them, to
the nearest archbishop.
Unluckily for the man of tender mind, he is quite
incapable of any such easy dismissal of the great
plagues and conundrums of existence. It is of the
essence of his character that he is too sensitive and
222 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
sentimental to put them ruthlessly out of his mind:
he cannot view even the crunching of a cockroach
without feeling the snapping of his own ribs. And
it is of the essence of his character that he is unable
to escape the delusion of duty — that he can't rid
himself of the notion that, whenever he observes any
thing in the world that might conceivably be im
proved, he is commanded by God to make every ef
fort to improve it. In brief, he is a public-spirited
man, and the ideal citizen of democratic states. But
Nature, it must be obvious, is opposed to democracy
— and whoso goes counter to nature must expect to
pay the penalty. The tender-minded man pays it by
hanging forever upon the cruel hooks of hope, and
by fermenting inwardly in incessant indignation.
All this, perhaps, explains the notorious ill-humor
of uplifters — the wowser touch that is in even the
best of them. They dwell so much upon the imper
fections of the universe and the weaknesses of man
that they end by believing that the universe is alto
gether out of joint and that every man is a scoundrel
and every woman a vampire. Years ago I had a com
bat with certain eminent reformers of the sex hy
giene and vice crusading species, and got out of it
a memorable illumination of their private minds.
The reform these strange creatures were then advo
cating was directed against sins of the seventh cate
gory, and they proposed to put them down by forcing
THE FORWARD-LOOKER 223
through legislation of a very harsh and fantastic kind
— statutes forbidding any woman, however forbid
ding, to entertain a man in her apartment without the
presence of a third party, statutes providing for the
garish lighting of all dark places in the public parks,
and so on. In the course of my debates with them
I gradually jockeyed them into abandoning all of the
arguments they started with, and so brought them
down to their fundamental doctrine, to wit, that no
woman, without the aid of the police, could be trusted
to protect her virtue. I pass as a cynic in Christian
circles, but this notion certainly gave me pause.
And it was voiced by men who were the fathers of
grown and unmarried daughters!
It is no wonder that men who cherish such ideas
are so ready to accept any remedy for the underlying
evils, no matter how grotesque. A man suffering
from hay-fever, as every one knows, will take any
medicine that is offered to him, even though he knows
the compounder to be a quack; the infinitesimal
chance that the quack may have the impossible cure
gives him a certain hope, and so makes the disease
itself more bearable. In precisely the same way a
man suffering from the conviction that the whole uni
verse is hell-bent for destruction — that the govern
ment he lives under is intolerably evil, that the rich
are growing richer and the poor poorer, that no man's
word can be trusted and no woman's chastity, that
224 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
another and worse war is hatching, that the very
regulation of the weather has fallen into the hands of
rogues — such a man will grab at anything, even birth
control, osteopathy or the Fourteen Points, rather
than let the foul villainy go on. The apparent ne
cessity of finding a remedy without delay transforms
itself, by an easy psychological process, into a
belief that the remedy has been found; it is almost
impossible for most men, and particularly for tender-
minded men, to take in the concept of the insoluble.
Every problem that remains unsolved, including even
the problem of evil, is in that state simply because
men of strict virtue and passionate altruism have not
combined to solve it — because the business has been
neglected by human laziness and rascality. All that
is needed to dispatch it is the united effort of enough
pure hearts: the accursed nature of things will yield
inevitably to a sufficiently desperate battle; mind
(usually written Mind) will triumph over matter
(usually written Matter— or maybe Money Power, or
Land Monopoly, or Beef Trust, or Conspiracy of
Silence, or Commercialized Vice, or Wall Street, or
the Dukes, or the Kaiser), and the Kingdom of God
will be at hand. So, with the will to believe in full
function, the rest is easy. The eager forward-looker
is exactly like the man with hay-fever, or arthritis, or
nervous dyspepsia, or diabetes. It takes time to try
each successive remedy — to search it out, to take it, to
THE FORWARD-LOOKER 225
observe its effects, to hope, to doubt, to shelve it.
Before the process is completed another is offered;
new ones are always waiting before their predeces
sors have been discarded. Here, perhaps, we get a
glimpse of the causes behind the protean appetite of
the true forward-looker — his virtuosity in credulity.
He is in all stages simultaneously — just getting over
the initiative and referendum, beginning to have
doubts about the short ballot, making ready for a
horse doctor's dose of the single tax, and contemplat
ing an experimental draught of Socialism to
morrow.
What is to be done for him? How is he to be
cured of his great thirst for sure-cures that do not
cure, and converted into a contented and careless
backward-looker, peacefully snoozing beneath his fig
tree while the oppressed bawl for succor in forty
abandoned lands, and injustice stalks the world, and
taxes mount higher and higher, and poor working-
girls are sold into white slavery, and Prohibition fails
to prohibit, and cocaine is hawked openly, and jazz
drags millions down the primrose way, and the trusts
own the legislatures of all Christendom, and judges
go to dinner with millionaires, and Europe prepares
for another war, and children of four and five years
work as stevedores and locomotive firemen, and guinea
pigs and dogs are vivisected, and Polish immigrant
women have more children every year, and divorces
226 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
multiply, and materialism rages, and the devil runs the
cosmos ? What is to be done to save the forward-looker
from his torturing indignations, and set him in paths
of happy dalliance? Answer: nothing. He was born
that way, as men are born with hare lips or bad livers,
and he will remain that way until the angels summon
him to eternal rest. Destiny has laid upon him the
burden of seeing unescapably what had better not be
looked at, of believing what isn't so. There is no
way to help him. He must suffer vicariously for the
carnal ease of the rest of us. He must die daily that
we may live in peace, corrupt and contented,
As I have said, I believe fully that this child of
sorrow is honest — that his twinges and malaises are
just as real to him as those that rack the man with
arthritis, and that his trusting faith in quacks is just
as natural. But this, of course, is not saying that
the quacks themselves are honest. On the contrary,
their utter dishonesty must be quite as obvious as the
simplicity of their dupes. Trade is good for them in
the: United States, where hope is a sort of national
vice, and so they flourish here more luxuriously than
anywhere else on earth. Some one told me lately
that there are now no less than 25,000 national or
ganizations in the United States for the uplift of the
plain people and the snaring and shaking down of
forward-lookers — societies for the Americanization of
immigrants, for protecting poor working-girls against
THE FORWARD-LOOKER 227
Jews and Italians, for putting Bibles into the bed
rooms of week-end hotels, for teaching Polish women
how to wash their babies, for instructing school-chil
dren in ring-around-a-rosy, for crusading against the
cigarette, for preventing accidents in rolling-mills,
for making street-car conductors more polite, for
testing the mentality of Czecho-Slovaks, for teaching
folk-songs, for restoring the United States to Great
Britain, for building day-nurseries in the devastated
regions of France, for training deaconesses, for fight
ing the house-fly, for preventing cruelty to mules
and Tom-cats, for forcing householders to clean their
backyards, for planting trees, for saving the Indian,
for sending colored boys to Harvard, for opposing
Sunday movies, for censoring magazines, for God
knows what else. In every large American city such
organizations swarm, and every one of them has an
executive secretary who tries incessantly to cadge
space in the newspapers. Their agents penetrate to
the remotest hamlets in the land, and their circulars,
pamphlets and other fulminations swamp the mails.
In Washington and at every state capital they have
their lobbyists, and every American legislator is
driven half frantic by their innumerable and pre
posterous demands. Each of them wants a law
passed to make its crusade official and compulsory;
each is forever hunting for forward-lookers with
money.
228 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
One of the latest of these uplifting vereins to score
a ten-strike is the one that sponsored the so-called
Maternity Bill. That measure is now a law, and the
over-burdened American taxpayer, at a cost of $3,-
000,000 a year, is supporting yet one more posse of
perambulating gabblers and snouters. The influ
ences behind the bill were exposed in the Senate by
Senator Reed, of Missouri, -but to no effect: a ma
jority of the other Senators, in order to get rid of the
propagandists in charge of it, had already promised
to vote for it. Its one intelligible aim, as Senator
Reed showed, is to give government jobs at good
salaries to a gang of nosey old maids. These virgins
now traverse the country teaching married women
how to have babies in a ship-shape and graceful
manner, and how to keep them alive after having
them. Only one member of the corps has ever been
married herself; nevertheless, the old gals are author
ized to go out among the Italian and Yiddish women,
each with ten or twelve head of kids to her credit, and
tell them all about it. According to Senator Reed,
the ultimate aim of the forward-lookers who spon
sored the scheme is to provide for the official registra
tion of expectant mothers, that they may be warned
what to eat, what movies to see, and what midwives to
send for when the time comes. Imagine a young
bride going down to the County Clerk's office to report
herself! And imagine an elderly and anthropopa-
THE FORWARD-LOOKER 229
gous spinster coming around next day to advise her!
Or a boozy political doctor!
All these crazes, of course, are primarily arti
ficial. They are set going, not by the plain people
spontaneously, nor even by the forward-lookers who
eventually support them, but by professionals. The
Anti-Saloon League is their archetype. It is owned
and operated by gentlemen who make excellent livings
stirring up the tender-minded; if their salaries were
cut off to-morrow, all their moral passion would ooze
out, and Prohibition would be dead in two weeks.
So with the rest of the uplifting camorras. Their
present enormous prosperity, I believe, is due in
large part to a fact that is never thought of, to wit,
the fact that the women's colleges of the country, for
a dozen years past, have been turning out far more
graduates than could be utilized as teachers. These
supernumerary lady Ph.D's almost unanimously
turn to the uplift — and the uplift saves them. In
the early days of higher education for women in the
United States, practically all the graduates thrown
upon the world got jobs as teachers, but now a good
many are left over. Moreover, it has been dis
covered that the uplift is easier than teaching, and that
it pays a great deal better. It is a rare woman pro
fessor who gets more than $5,000 a year, but there
are plenty of uplifting jobs at $8,000 and $10,000
a year, and in the future there will be some prizes at
230 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
twice as much. No wonder the learned girls fall
upon them so eagerly!
The annual production of male Ph.D's is also far
beyond the legitimate needs of the nation, -but here
the congestion is relieved by the greater and more
varied demand for masculine labor. If a young man
emerging from Columbia or Ohio Wesleyan as
Philosophies Doctor finds it impossible to get a job
teaching he can always go on the road as a salesman of
dental supplies, or enlist in the marines, or study law,
or enter the ministry, or go to work in a coal-mine, or
a slaughter-house, or a bucket-shop, or begin selling
Oklahoma mine-stock to widows and retired clergy
men. The women graduate faces far fewer oppor
tunities. She is commonly too old and too worn by
meditation to go upon the stage in anything above the
grade of a patent-medicine show, she has been so
poisoned by instruction in sex hygiene that she shies
at marriage, and most of the standard professions and
grafts of the world are closed to her. The invention
of the uplift came as a godsend to her. Had not some
mute, inglorious Edison devised it at the right time,
humanity would be disgraced to-day by the spectacle
of hordes of Lady Ph.D's going to work in steam-
laundries, hooch shows and chewing-gum factories.
As it is, they are all taken care of by the innumer
able societies for making the whole world virtuous
and happy. One may laugh at the aims and methods
THE FORWARD-LOOKER 231
of many such societies — for example, at the absurd
vereins for Americanizing immigrants, i. e.9 degrad
ing them to the level of the native peasantry. But
one thing, at least, they accomplish: they provide
comfortable and permanent jobs for hundreds and
thousands of deserving women, most of whom are far
more profitably employed trying to make Methodists
out of Sicilians than they would be if they were try
ing to make husbands out of bachelors. It is for
this high purpose also that the forward-looker
suffers.
XII. MEMORIAL SERVICE
WHERE is the grave-yard of dead gods?
What lingering mourner waters their
mounds? There was a day when Jupi
ter was the king of the gods, and any man who doubted
his puissance was ipso facto a barbarian and an
ignoramus. But where in all the world is there a
man who worships Jupiter to-day? And what of
Huitzilopochtli? In one year — and it is no more
than five hundred years ago — 50,000 youths and
maidens were slain in sacrifice to him. To-day, if he
is remembered at all, it is only by some vagrant
savage in the depths of the Mexican forest. Huit
zilopochtli, like many other gods, had no human
father; his mother was a virtuous widow; he was born
of an apparently innocent flirtation that she carried
on with the sun. When he frowned, his father, the
sun, stood still. When he roared with rage, earth
quakes engulfed whole cities. When he thirsted
he was watered with 10,000 gallons of human blood.
But to-day Huitzilopochtli is as magnificently forgot
ten as Allen G. Thurman. Once the peer of Allah,
Buddha and Wotan, he is now the peer of General
232
MEMORIAL SERVICE 233
Coxey, Richmond P. Hobson, Nan Patterson, Alton
B. Parker, Adelina Patti, General Weyler and Tom
Sharkey.
Speaking of Huitzilopochtli recalls his brother,
Tezcatilpoca. Tezcatilpoca was almost as powerful:
he consumed 25,000 virgins a year. Lead me to
his tomb: I would weep, and hang a couronne des
perles. But who knows where it is? Or where the
grave of Quitzalcoatl is? Or Tialoc? Or Chal-
chihuitlicue? Or Xiehtecutli? Or Centeotl, that
sweet one? Or Tlazolteotl, the goddess of love?
Or Mictlan? Or Ixtlilton? Or Omacatl? Or
Yacatecutli? Or Mixcoatl? Or Xipe? Or all the
host of Tzitzimitles? Where are their bones?
Where is the willow on which they hung their harps?
In what forlorn and unheard-of hell do they await
the resurrection morn? Who enjoys their residuary
estates? Or that of Dis, whom Caesar found to be
the chief god of the Celts? Or that of Tarves, the
bull? Or that of Moccos, the pig? Or that of
Epona, the mare? Or that of Mullo, the celestial
jack-ass? There was a time when the Irish revered
all these gods as violently as they now hate the Eng
lish. But to-day even the drunkest Irishman laughs
at them.
But they have company in oblivion: the hell of
dead gods is as crowded as the Presbyterian hell
for babies. Damona is there, and Esus, and Drune-
234 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
meton, and Silvana, and Dervones, and Adsalluta,
and Deva, and Belisama, and Axona, and Vintios,
and Taranuous, and Sulis, and Cocidius, and Ads-
merius, and Dumiatis, and Caletos, and Moccus, and
Ollovidius, and Albiorix, and Leucitius, and Vitu-
cadrus, and Ogmios, and Uxellimus, and Borvo, and
Grannos, and Mogons. All mighty gods in their
day, worshiped by millions, full of demands and
impositions, able to bind and loose — all gods of the
first class, not dilettanti. Men labored for genera
tions to build vast temples to them — temples with
stones as large as hay-wagons. The business of
interpreting their whims occupied thousands of
priests, wizards, archdeacons, evangelists, haruspices,
bishops, archbishops. To doubt them was to die,
usually at the stake. Armies took to the field to
defend them against infidels: villages were burned,
women and children were butchered, cattle were
driven off. Yet in the end they all withered and
died, and to-day there is none so poor to do them
reverence. Worse, the very tombs in which they lie
are lost, and so even a respectful stranger is debarred
from paying them the slightest and politest homage.
What has become of Sutekh, once the high god of
the whole Nile Valley? What has become of:
Resheph Baal
Anath Astarte
Ashtoreth Hadad
MEMORIAL SERVICE 235
El Addu
Nergal Shalera
Nebo Dagon
Ninib Sharrab
Melek Yau
Ahijah Amon-Re
Isis Osiris
Ptah Sebek
Anubis Molech?
All these were once gods of the highest eminence.
Many of them are mentioned with fear and trem
bling in the Old Testament. They ranked, five or
six thousand years ago, with Jahveh himself; the
worst of them stood far higher than Thor. Yet they
have all gone down the chute, and with them the
following:
Bile Gwydion
Ler Manawyddan
Arianrod Nuada Argetlam
Morrigu Tagd
Govannon Goibniu
Gunfled Odin
Sokk-mimi Llaw Gyffeg
Memetona Lleu
Ogma
Kerridwen Mider
Pw>'n Rigantona
°S>TVan Marzin
Dea Dia Mars
236
PREJUDICES:
THIRD SERIES
Ceros
Jupiter
Vaticanus
Cunina
Edulia
Potina
Adeona
Statilinus
luno Lucina
Diana of Ephesus
Saturn
Robigus
Furrina
Pluto
Vediovis
Ops
Census
Meditrina
Cronos
Vesta
Enki
Tilmun
Engurra
Zer-panitu
Belus
Merodach
Dimmer
U-ki
Mu-ul-lil
Dauke
Ubargisi
Gasan-abzu
Ubilulu
Elum
Gasan-lil
U-Tin-dirki
U-dimmer-an-kia
Marduk
Enurestu
Nin-lil-la
U-sab-sib
Nin
U-Mersi
Persephone
Tammuz
Istar
Venus
Lagas
Bau
U-urugal
Mulu-hursang
Sirtumu
Anu
Ea
Beltis
Nirig
Nusku
Nebo
Ni-zu
Samas
Sahi
Ma-banba-anna
Aa
En-Mersi
Allatu
Amurru
MEMORIAL SERVICE 237
Sin Assur
AbilAddu Aku
Apsu Beltu
Dagan Dumu-zi-abzu
Elali Kuski-banda
Isum Kaawanu
Mami Nin-azu
Nin-man Lugal-Amarada
Zaraqu Qarradu
Suqamunu Ura-gala
Zagaga Ueras
You may think I spoof. That I invent the names.
I do not. Ask the rector to lend you any good trea
tise on comparative religion: you will find them all
listed. They were gods of the highest standing and
dignity — gods of civilized peoples — worshipped and
believed in by millions. All were theoretically
omnipotent, omniscient and immortal. And all are
dead.
XIII. EDUCATION
NEXT to the clerk in holy orders, the fellow
with the worst job in the world is the school
master. Both are underpaid, both fall
steadily in authority and dignity, and both wear out
their hearts trying to perform the impossible. How
much the world asks of them, and how little they can
actually deliver! The clergyman's business is to
save the human race from hell: if he saves one-
eighth of one per cent., even within the limits of his
narrow flock, he does magnificently. The school
master's is to spread the enlightenment, to make the
great masses of the plain people intelligent — and
intelligence is precisely the thing that the great
masses of the plain people are congenitally and
eternally incapable of.
Is it any wonder that the poor birchman, facing
this labor that would have staggered Sisyphus s£o-
lusohn, seeks refuge from its essential impossibility*
in a Chinese maze of empty technic? The ghost of
Pestalozzi, once bearing a torch and beckoning
238
EDUCATION 239
toward the heights, now leads down stairways into
black and forbidding dungeons. Especially in
America, where all that is bombastic and mystical is
most esteemed, the art of pedagogics becomes a sort
of puerile magic, a thing of preposterous secrets, a
grotesque compound of false premises and illogical
conclusions. Every year sees a craze for some new
solution of the teaching enigma, at once simple and
infallible — manual training, playground work, song
and doggerel lessons, the Montessori method, the
Gary system — an endless series of flamboyant
arcanums. The worst extravagances of privot dozent
experimental psychology are gravely seized upon;
the uplift pours in its ineffable principles and dis
coveries; mathematical formulae are worked out for
every emergency ; there is no sure-cure so idiotic that
some superintendent of schools will not swallow it.
A couple of days spent examining the literature of
the New Thought in pedagogy are enough to make the
judicious weep. Its aim seems to be to reduce
the whole teaching process to a sort of automatic re
action, to discover some master formula that will not
only take the place of competence and resourceful
ness in the teacher but that will also create an arti
ficial receptivity in the child. The merciless appli
cation of this formula (which changes every four
days) now seems to be the chief end and aim of peda
gogy. Teaching becomes a thing in itself, separable
240 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
from and superior to the thing taught. Its mastery
is a special business, a transcendental art and mys
tery, to be acquired in the laboratory. A teacher well
grounded in this mystery, and hence privy to every
detail of the new technic (which changes, of course,
with the formula), can teach anything to any child,
just as a sound dentist can pull any tooth out of any
jaw.
All this, I need not point out, is in sharp contrast
to the old theory of teaching. By that theory mere
technic was simplified and subordinated. All that it
demanded of the teacher told off to teach, say, geog
raphy, was that he master the facts in the geography
book and provide himself with a stout rattan. Thus
equipped, he was ready for a test of his natural peda
gogical genius. First he exposed the facts in the
book, then he gilded them with whatever appearance
of interest and importance he could conjure up, and
then he tested the extent of their transference to the
minds of his pupils. Those pupils who had ingested
them got apples; those who had failed got fanned
with the rattan. Followed the second round, and the
same test again, with a second noting of results.
And then the third, and fourth, and the fifth, and so
on until the last and least pupil had been stuffed to
his subnormal and perhaps moronic brim.
I was myself grounded in the underlying de
lusions of what is called knowledge by this austere
EDUCATION 241
process, and despite the eloquence of those who sup
port newer ideas, I lean heavily in favor of it, and
regret to hear that it is no more. It was crude, it was
rough, and it was often not a little cruel, but it at
least had two capital advantages over all the systems
that have succeeded it. In the first place, its
machinery was simple ; even the stupidest child could
understand it; it hooked up cause and effect with the
utmost clarity. And in the second place, it tested the
teacher as and how he ought to be tested — that is, for
his actual capacity to teach, not for his mere technical
virtuosity. There was, in fact, no technic for him to
master, and hence none for him to hide behind. He
could not conceal a hopeless inability to impart
knowledge beneath a correct professional method.
That ability to impart knowledge, it seems to me,
has very little to do with technical method. It may
operate at full function without any technical method
at all, and contrariwise, the most elaborate of tech
nical methods, whether out of Switzerland, Italy or
Gary, Ind., cannot make it operate when it is not
actually present. And what does it consist of? It
consists, first, of a natural talent for dealing with
children, for getting into their minds, for putting
things in a way that they can comprehend. And it
consists, secondly, of a deep belief in the interest and
importance of the thing taught, a concern about it
amounting to a sort of passion. A man who knows
242 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
a subject thoroughly, a man so soaked in it that he
eats it, sleeps it and dreams it — this man can always
teach it with success, no matter how little he knows
of technical pedagogy. That is because there is en
thusiasm in him, and because enthusiasm is almost
as contagious as fear or the barber's itch. An en
thusiast is willing to go to any trouble to impart the
glad news bubbling within him. He thinks that it
is important and valuable for to know; given the
slightest glow of interest in a pupil to start with, he
will fan that glow to a flame. No hollow formalism
cripples him and slows him down. He drags his
best pupils along as fast as they can go, and he is so
full of the thing that he never tires of expounding its
elements to the dullest.
This passion, so unordered and yet so potent, ex
plains the capacity for teaching that one frequently
observes in scientific men of high attainments in their
specialties — for example, Huxley, Ostwald, Karl
Ludwig, Virchow, Billroth, Jowett, William G.
Sumner, Halsted and Osier — men who knew nothing
whatever about the so-called science of pedagogy,
and would have derided its alleged principles if they
had heard them stated. It explains, too, the failure
of the general run of high-school and college teachers
— men who are undoubtedly competent, by the profes
sional standards of pedagogy, but who nevertheless
contrive only to make intolerable bores of the things
EDUCATION 243
they presume to teach. No intelligent student ever
learns much from the average drover of undergrad
uates ; what he actually carries away has come out of
his textbooks, or is the fruit of his own reading and
inquiry. But when he passes to the graduate school,
and comes among men who really understand the sub
jects they teach, and, what is more, who really love
them, his store of knowledge increases rapidly, and
in a very short while, if he has any intelligence at all,
he learns to think in terms of the thing he is studying.
So far, so good. But an objection still remains,
the which may be couched in the following terms : that
in the average college or high school, and especially
in the elementary school, most of the subjects taught
are so bald and uninspiring that it is difficult to imag
ine them arousing the passion I have been describing
— in brief, that only an ass could be enthusiastic about
them. In witness, think of the four elementals:
reading, penmanship, arithmetic and spelling. This
objection, at first blush, seems salient and dismaying,
but only a brief inspection is needed to show that it
is really of very small validity. It is made up of a
false assumption and a false inference. The false
inference is that there is any sound reason for pro
hibiting teaching by asses, if only the asses know how
to do it, and do it well. The false assumption is
that there are no asses in our schools and colleges
to-day. The facts stand in almost complete antith-
244 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
esis to these notions. The truth is that the average
schoolmaster, on all the lower levels, is and always
must be essentially an ass, for how can one imagine
an intelligent man engaging in so puerile an avo
cation? And, the truth is that it is precisely his
inherent asininity, and not his technical equipment as
a pedagogue, that is responsible for whatever modest
success he now shows.
I here attempt no heavy jocosity, but mean exactly
what I say. Consider, for example, penmanship. A
decent handwriting, it must be obvious, is useful to
all men, and particularly to the lower orders of men.
It is one of the few things capable of acquirement in
school that actually helps them to make a living.
Well, how is it taught to-day? It is taught, in the
main, by schoolmarms so enmeshed in a complex and
unintelligible technic that, even supposing them able
to write clearly themselves, they find it quite impos
sible to teach their pupils. Every few years sees a
radical overhauling of the whole business. First the
vertical hand is to make it easy; then certain curves
are the favorite magic; then there is a return to
slants and shadings. No department of pedagogy
sees a more hideous cavorting of quacks. In none
is the natural talent and enthusiasm of the teacher
more depressingly crippled. And the result? The
result is that our American school children write
abominably — that a clerk or stenographer with a
EDUCATION 245
simple, legible hand becomes almost as scarce as one
with Greek.
Go back, now, to the old days. Penmanship was
then taught, not mechanically and ineffectively, by
unsound and shifting formulae, but by passionate
penmen with curly patent-leather hair and far-away
eyes — in brief, by the unforgettable professors of our
youth, with their flourishes, their heavy down-strokes
and their lovely birds-with-letters-in-their-bills. You
remember them, of course. Asses all! Prepos
terous popinjays and numskulls! Pathetic idiots!
But they loved penmanship, they believed in the
glory and beauty of penmanship, they were fanatics,
devotees, almost martyrs of penmanship — and so
they got some touch of that passion into their pupils.
Not enough, perhaps, to make more flourishers and
bird-blazoners, but enough to make sound penmen.
Look at your old writing book; observe the excellent
legibility, the clear strokes of your "Time is money."
Then look at your child's.
Such idiots, despite the rise of "scientific" peda
gogy, have not died out in the world. I believe that
our schools are full of them, both in pantaloons and
in skirts. There are fanatics who love and venerate
spelling as a tom-cat loves and venerates catnip.
There are grammatomaniacs; schoolmanns who
would rather parse than eat; specialists in an ob
jective case that doesn't exist in English; strange
246 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
beings, otherwise sane and even intelligent and
comely, who suffer under a split infinitive as you or
I would suffer under gastro- enteritis. There are
geography cranks, able to bound Mesopotamia and
Beluchistan. There are zealots for long division,
experts in the multiplication table, lunatic worshipers
of the binomial theorem. But the system has them in
its grip. It combats their natural enthusiam dili
gently and mercilessly. It tries to convert them into
mere technicians, clumsy machines. It orders them
to teach, not by the process of emotional osmosis
which worked in the days gone by, but by formulae
that are as baffling to the pupil as they are paralyzing
to the teacher. Imagine what would happen to one
of them who stepped to the blackboard, seized a piece
of chalk, and engrossed a bird that held the class
spell-bound — a bird with a thousand flowing
feathers, wings bursting with parabolas and epicy
cloids, and long ribbons streaming from its bill!
Imagine the fate of one who began "Honesty is the
best policy" with an H as florid and — to a child — as
beautiful as the initial of a mediaeval manuscript!
Such a teacher would be cashiered and handed over
to the secular arm; the very enchantment of the as
sembled infantry would be held as damning proof
against him. And yet it is just such teachers that
we should try to discover and develop. Pedagogy
needs their enthusiasm, their na'ive belief in their
EDUCATION 247
own grotesque talents, their capacity for communi
cating their childish passion to the childish.
But this would mean exposing the children of the
Republic to contact with monomaniacs, half-wits,
defectives? Well, what of it? The vast majority
of them are already exposed to contact with half-wits
in their own homes; they are taught the word of God
by half-wits on Sundays; they will grow up into
Knights of Pythias, Odd Fellows, Red Men and other
such half-wits in the days to come. Moreover, as I
have hinted, they are already face to face with half
wits in the actual schools, at least in three cases out of
four. The problem before us is not to dispose of
this fact, but to utilize it. We cannot hope to fill
the schools with persons of high intelligence, for
persons of high intelligence simply refuse to spend
their lives teaching such banal things as spelling and
arithmetic. Among the teachers male we may safely
assume that 95 per cent, are of low mentality, else
they would depart for more appetizing pastures. And
even among the teachers female the best are inevi
tably weeded out by marriage, and only the worst
(with a few romantic exceptions) survive. The
task before us, as I say, is not to make a vain denial
of this cerebral inferiority of the pedagogue, nor to
try to combat and disguise it by concocting a mass of
technical hocus-pocus, but to search out and put to
use the value lying concealed in it. For even stu-
248 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
pidity, it must be plain, has its uses in the world, and
some of them are uses that intelligence cannot meet.
One would not tell off a Galileo or a Pasteur to
drive an ash-cart or an Ignatius Loyola to be a stock
broker, or a Brahms to lead the orchestra in a Broad
way cabaret. By the same token, one would not ask
a Herbert Spencer or a Duns Scotus to instruct suck
lings. Such men would not only be wasted at the
job; they would also be incompetent. The business
j of dealing with children, in fact, demands a certain
; childishness of mind. The best teacher, until one
comes to adult pupils, is not the one who knows most,
but the one who is most capable of reducing
knowledge to that simple compound of the obvious
and the wonderful which slips easiest into the in
fantile comprehension. A man of high intelligence,
perhaps, may accomplish the thing by a conscious
intellectual feat. But it is vastly easier to the man
(or woman) whose habits of mind are naturally on
the plane of a child's. The best teacher of children,
in brief, is one who is essentially childlike.
I go so far with this notion that I view the movement
to introduce female bachelors of arts into the pri
mary schools with the utmost alarm. A knowledge
of Bergsonism, the Greek aorist, sex hygiene and the
dramas of Percy MacKaye is not only no help to the
teaching of spelling, it is a positive handicap to the
teaching of spelling, for it corrupts and blows up that
EDUCATION 249
na'ive belief in the glory and portentousness of spell
ing which is at the bottom of all successful teaching
of it. If I had my way, indeed, I should expose all
candidates for berths in the infant grades to the
Binet-Simon test, and reject all those who revealed the
mentality of more than fifteen years. Plenty would
still pass. Moreover, they would be secure against
contamination by the new technic of pedagogy. Its
vast wave of pseudo-psychology would curl and break
against the hard barrier of their innocent and passion
ate intellects — as it probably does, in fact, even
now. They would know nothing of cognition, per
ception, attention, the sub-conscious and all the other
half-fabulous fowl of the pedagogic aviary. But
they would see in reading, writing and arithmetic the
gaudy charms of profound and esoteric knowledge,
and they would teach these ancient branches, now so
abominably in decay, with passionate gusto, and ir
resistible effectiveness, and a gigantic success.
II
Two great follies corrupt the present pedagogy,
once it gets beyond the elementals. One is the folly
of overestimating the receptivity of the pupil; the
other is the folly of overestimating the possible effi
ciency of the teacher. Both rest upon that tendency to
put too high a value upon mere schooling which char
acterizes democratic and upstart societies — a tendency
250 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
born of the theory that a young man who has been
"educated," who has "gone through college," is in
some subtle way more capable of making money than
one who hasn't. The nature of the schooling on tap
in colleges is but defectively grasped by the adherents
of the theory. They view it, I believe, as a sort of
extension of the schooling offered in elementary
schools — that is, as an indefinite multiplication of
training in such obviously valuable and necessary
arts as reading, writing and arithmetic. It is, of
course, nothing of the sort. If the pupil, as he
climbs the educational ladder, is fortunate enough to
come into contact with a few Huxleys or Ludwigs, he
may acquire a great deal of extremely sound knowl
edge, and even learn how to think for himself. But
in the great majority of cases he is debarred by two
things : the limitations of his congenital capacity and
the limitations of the teachers he actually encounters.
The latter is usually even more brilliantly patent
than the former. Very few professional teachers, it
seems to me, really know anything worth knowing,
even about the subjects they essay to teach. If you
doubt it, simply examine their contributions to exist
ing knowledge. Several years ago, while engaged
upon my book, "The American Language," I had a
good chance to test the matter in one typical depart
ment, that of philology. I found a truly appalling
condition of affairs. I found that in the whole
EDUCATION 251
United States there were not two dozen teachers of
English philology — in which class I also include the
innumerable teachers of plain grammar — who had
ever written ten lines upon the subject worth reading.
It was not that they were indolent or illiterate: in
truth, they turned out to be enormously diligent.
But as I plowed through pyramid after pyramid of
their doctrines and speculations, day after day and
week after week, I discovered little save a vast labor
ing of the obvious, with now and then a bold flight
into the nonsensical. A few genuinely original philol-
ogians revealed themselves — pedagogues capable of
observing accurately and reasoning clearly. The
rest simply wasted time and paper. Whole sections
of the field were unexplored, and some of them ap
peared to be even unsuspected. The entire life-work
of many an industrious professor, boiled down,
scarcely made a footnote in my book, itself a very
modest work.
This tendency to treat the superior pedagogue too
seriously — to view him as, ipso facto, a learned man,
and one thus capable of conveying learning to others
— is supported by the circumstance that he so views
himself, and is, in fact, very pretentious and even
bombastic. Nearly all discussions of the educational
problem, at least in the United States, are carried
on by schoolmasters or ex-schoolmasters — for ex
ample, college presidents, deans, and other such mag-
252 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
nificoes — and so they assume it to be axiomatic that
such fellows are genuine bearers of the enlighten
ment, and hence capable of transmitting it to others.
This is true sometimes, as I have said, but certainly
not usually. The average high-school or college
pedagogue is not one who has been selected because
of his uncommon knowledge; he is simply one who
has been stuffed with formal ideas and taught to do
a few conventional intellectual tricks. Contact with
him, far from being inspiring to any youth of alert
mentality, is really quite depressing; his point of
view is commonplace and timorous; his best thought
is no better than that of any other fourth-rate pro
fessional man, say a dentist or an advertisement
writer. Thus it is idle to talk of him as if he were
a Socrates, an Aristotle, or even a Leschetizky. He
is actually much more nearly related to a barber or
a lieutenant of marines. A worthy man, industrious
and respectable — but don't expect too much of him.
To ask him to struggle out of his puddle of safe plati
tudes and plunge into the whirlpool of surmise and
speculation that carries on the fragile shallop of
human progress — to do this is as absurd as to ask
a neighborhood doctor to undertake major surgery.
In the United States his low intellectual status
is kept low, not only by the meager rewards of his
trade in a country where money is greatly sought and
esteemed, but also by the democratic theory of edu-
EDUCATION 253
cation — that is, by the theory that mere education can
convert a peasant into an intellectual aristocrat, with
all of the peculiar superiorities of an aristocrat — in
brief, that it is possible to make purses out of sow's
ears. The intellectual collapse of the American
Gelehrten during the late war — a collapse so nearly
unanimous that those who did not share it attained
to a sort of immortality overnight — was perhaps
largely due to this error. Who were these bawling
professors, so pathetically poltroonish and idiotic?
In an enormous number of cases they were simply
peasants in frock- coats — oafs from the farms and
villages of Iowa, Kansas, Vermont, Alabama, the
Dakotas and other such backward states, horribly
stuffed with standardized learning in some fresh
water university, and then set to teaching. To look
for a civilized attitude of mind in such Strassburg
geese is to look for honor in a valet; to confuse them
with scholars is to confuse the Knights of Pythias
with the Knights Hospitaller. In brief, the trouble
with them was that they had no sound tradition be
hind them, that they had not learned to think clearly
and decently, that they were not gentlemen. The
youth with a better background behind him, passing
through an American university, seldom acquires any
yearning to linger as a teacher. The air is too thick
for him; the rewards are too trivial; the intrigues are
too old-maidish and degrading. Thus the chairs, even
254 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
in the larger universities, tend to be filled more and
more by yokels who have got themselves what is called
an education only by dint of herculean effort. Ex
hausted by the cruel process, they are old men at 26
or 28, and so, hugging their Ph.D's, they sink into
convenient instructorships, and end at 60 as ardent-
liche Professoren. The social status of the Ameri
can pedagogue helps along the process. Unlike in
Europe, where he has a secure and honorable posi
tion, he ranks, in the United States, somewhere be
tween a Methodist preacher and a prosperous brick
yard owner — certainly clearly below the latter.
Thus the youth of civilized upbringings feels that it
would be stooping a bit to take up the rattan. But the
plow-hand obviously makes a step upward, and is
hence eager for the black gown. Thereby a vicious
circle is formed. The plow-hand, by entering the
ancient guild, drags it down still further, and so
makes it increasingly difficult to snare apprentices
from superior castes.
A glance at "Who's Who in America" offers a
good deal of support for all this theorizing. There
was a time when the typical American professor came
from a small area in New England — for generations
the seat of a high literacy, and even of a certain
austere civilization. But to-day he comes from the
region of silos, revivals, and saleratus. Behind
him there is absolutely no tradition of aristocratic
EDUCATION 255
aloofness and urbanity, or even of mere civilized
decency. He is a hind by birth, and he carries the
smell of the dunghill into the academic grove — and
not only the smell, but also some of the dung itself.
What one looks for in such men is dullness, super
ficiality, a great credulity, an incapacity for learning
anything save a few fly-blown rudiments, a passion
ate yielding to all popular crazes, a malignant dis
trust of genuine superiority, a huge megalomania.
These are precisely the things that one finds in the
typical American pedagogue of the ne\v dispensa
tion. He is not only a numskull; he is also a boor.
In the university president he reaches his heights.
Here we have a so-called learned man who spends
his time making speeches before chautauquas, cham
bers of commerce and Rotary Clubs, and flattering
trustees who run both universities and street-railways,
and cadging money from such men as Rockefeller
and Carnegie.
Ill
^
The same educational fallacy which fills the groves
of learning with such dunces causes a huge waste
of energy and money on lower levels — those, to wit,
of the secondary schools. The theory behind the
lavish multiplication of such schools is that they out
fit the children of the mob with the materials of
reasoning, and inculcate in them a habit of indulg-
256 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
ing in it. I have never been able to discover any
evidence in support of that theory. The common
people of America — at least the white portion of
them — are rather above the world's average in liter
acy, but there is no sign that they have acquired
thereby any capacity for weighing facts or compar
ing ideas. The school statistics show that the aver
age member of the American Legion can read and
write after a fashion, and is able to multiply eight
by seven after four trials, but they tell us nothing
about his actual intelligence. The returns of the
Army itself, indeed, indicate that he is stupid almost
beyond belief — that there is at least an even chance
that he is a moron. Is such a fellow appreciably
superior to the villein of the Middle Ages? Some
times I am tempted to doubt it. I suspect, for ex
ample, that the belief in witchcraft is still almost as
widespread amon^ the plain people of the United
States, at least outside the large cities, as it was in
Europe in the year 1500. In my own state of Mary
land all of the negroes and mulattoes believe abso
lutely in witches, and so do most of the whites.
The belief in ghosts penetrates to quite high levels.
I know very few native-born Americans, indeed, who
reject it without reservation. One constantly comes
upon grave defenses of spiritism in some form or
other by men theoretically of learning; in the two
houses of Congress it would be difficult to muster
EDUCATION 257
fifty men willing to denounce the thing publicly. It
would not only be politically dangerous for them to
do so; it would also go against their consciences.
What is always forgotten is that the capacity for
knowledge of the great masses of human blanks is
very low — that, no matter how adroitly pedagogy
tackles them with its technical sorceries, it remains
a practical impossibility to teach them anything be
yond reading and writing, and the most elementary
arithmetic. Worse, it is impossible to make any ap
preciable improvement in their congenitally ignoble
tastes, and so they devote even the paltry learning
that they acquire to degrading uses. If the average
American read only the newspapers, as is frequently
alleged, it would be bad enough, but the truth is that
he reads only the most imbecile parts of the news
papers. Nine-tenths of the matter in a daily paper
of the better sort is almost as unintelligible to him as
the theory of least squares. The words lie outside
his vocabulary; the ideas are beyond the farthest leap
of his intellect. It is, indeed, a sober fact that even
an editorial in the New York Times is probably in
comprehensible to all Americans save a small mi
nority — and not, remember, on the ground that it
is too nonsensical but on the ground that it is too
subtle. The same sort of mind that regards Rubin
stein's Melody in F as too "classical" to be agreeable
is also stumped by the most transparent English.
258 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
Like most other professional writers I get a good
many letters from my customers. Complaints,
naturally, are more numerous than compliments; it
is only indignation that can induce the average man
to brave the ardors of pen and ink. Well, the com
plaint that I hear most often is that my English is
unintelligible — that it is too full of "hard" words.
I can imagine nothing more astounding. My Eng-
ish is actually almost as bald and simple as the Eng
lish of a college yell. My sentences are short and
plainly constructed: I resolutely cultivate the most
direct manner of statement; my vocabulary is de
liberately composed of the words of everyday.
Nevertheless, a great many of my readers in my own
country find reading me an uncomfortably severe
burden upon their linguistic and intellectual re
sources. These readers are certainly not below the
American average in intelligence; on the contrary,
they must be a good deal above the average, for they
have at least got to the point where they are willing
to put out of the safe harbor of the obvious and re
spectable, and to brave the seas where more or less
novel ideas rage and roar. Think of what the ordi
nary newspaper reader would make of my composi
tions! There is, in fact, no need to think; I have
tried them on him. His customary response, when,
by mountebankish devices, I forced him to read —
or, at all events, to try to read — , was to demand reso-
EDUCATION 259
lutely that the guilty newspaper cease printing me,
and to threaten to bring the matter to the attention
of the Polizei. I do not exaggerate in the slightest;
I tell the literal truth.
It is such idiots that the little red schoolhouse
operates upon, in the hope of unearthing an occa
sional first-rate man. Is that hope ever fulfilled?
Despite much testimony to the effect that it is, I am
convinced that it really isn't. First-rate men are
never begotten by Knights of Pythias; the notion that
they sometimes are is due to an optical delusion.
When they appear in obscure and ignoble circles it is
no more than a proof that only an extremely wise
sire knows his own son. Adultery, in brief, is one
of nature's devices for keeping the lowest orders of
men from sinking to the level of downright simians:
sometimes for a few brief years in youth, their wives
and daughters are comely — and now and then the
baron drinks more than he ought to. But it is
foolish to argue that the gigantic machine of popular
education is needed to rescue such hybrids from
their environment. The truth is that all the educa
tion rammed into the average pupil in the* average
American public school could be acquired by the v
larva of any reasonably intelligent man in no more
than six weeks of ordinary application, and that
where schools are unknown it actually is so acquired.
A bright child, in fact, can learn to read and write
260 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
without any save the most casual aid a great deal
faster than it can learn to read and write in a class
room, where the difficulties of the stupid retard it
enormously and it is further burdened by the crazy
formulae invented by pedagogues. And once it can
read and write, it is just as well equipped to acquire
further knowledge as nine-tenths of the teachers it
will subsequently encounter in school or college.
IV
I know a good many men of great learning — that
is, men born with an extraordinary eagerness and
capacity to acquire knowledge. One and all, they
tell me that they can't recall learning anything of
any value in school. All that schoolmasters man
aged to accomplish with them was to test and de
termine the amount of knowledge that they had al
ready acquired independently — and not infrequently
the determination was made clumsily and inaccur
ately. In my own nonage I had a great desire to
acquire knowledge in certain limited directions, to
wit, those of the physical sciences. Before I was
ever permitted, by the regulations of the secondary
seminary I was penned in, to open a chemistry book
I had learned a great deal of chemistry by the simple
process of reading the texts and then going through
the processes described. When, at last, I was intro
duced to chemistry officially, I found the teaching of
EDUCATION 261
it appalling. The one aim of that teaching, in fact,
seemed to be to first purge me of what I already knew
and then refill me with the same stuff in a formal,
doltish, unintelligible form. My experience with
physics was even worse. I knew nothing about it
when I undertook its study in class, for that was be
fore the days when physics swallowed chemistry.
Well, it was taught so abominably that it immediately
became incomprehensible to me, and hence extremely
distasteful, and to this day I know nothing about it.
Worse, it remains unpleasant to me, and so I am shut
off from the interesting and useful knowledge that I
might otherwise acquire by reading.
One extraordinary teacher I remember wTho taught
me something: a teacher of mathematics. I had a
dislike for that science, and knew little about it.
Finally, my neglect of it brought me to bay: in trans
ferring from one school to another I found that I
was hopelessly short in algebra. What was needed,
of course, was not an actual knowledge of algebra,
but simply the superficial smattering needed to pass
an examination. The teacher that I mention, ob
serving my distress, generously offered to fill me with
that smattering after school hours. He got the whole
year's course into me in exactly six lessons of half
an hour each. And how? More accurately, why?
Simply because he was an algebra fanatic — because
he believed that algebra was not only a science of the
262 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
utmost importance, but also one of the greatest fasci
nation. He was the penmanship professor of years
ago, lifted to a higher level. A likable and plaus
ible man, he convinced me in twenty minutes that ig
norance of algebra was as calamitous, socially and
intellectually, as ignorance of table manners — that
acquiring its elements was as necessary as washing
behind the ears. So I fell upon the book and gulped
it voraciously, greatly to the astonishment of my
father, whose earlier mathematical teaching had
failed to set me off because it was too pressing — be
cause it bombarded me, not when I was penned in a
school and so inclined to make the best of it, but
when I had got through a day's schooling, and felt
inclined to play. To this day I comprehend the bi
nomial theorem, a very rare accomplishment in an
author. For many years, indeed, I was probably
the only American newspaper editor who knew what
it was.
Two other teachers of that school I remember
pleasantly as fellows whose pedagogy pro fitted me —
both, it happens, were drunken and disreputable men.
One taught me to chew tobacco, an art that has done
more to give me an evil name, perhaps, than even
my Socinianism. The other introduced me to Shake*
speare, Congreve, Wycherly, Marlowe and Sheri
dan, and so rilled me with that taste for coarseness
which now offends so many of my customers, lay and
EDUCATION 263
clerical. Neither ever came to a dignified position
in academic circles. One abandoned pedagogy for
the law, became involved in causes of a dubious na
ture, and finally disappeared into the shades which
engulf third-rate attorneys. The other went upon a
fearful drunk one Christmastide, got himself shang
haied on the water-front and is supposed to have
fallen overboard from a British tramp, bound east
for Cardiff. At all events, he has never been heard
from since. Two evil fello\vs, and yet I hold their
memories in affection, and believe that they were the
best teachers I ever had. For in both there was some
thing a good deal more valuable than mere peda
gogical skill and diligence, and even more valuable
than correct demeanor, and that was a passionate love
of sound literature. This love, given reasonably re
ceptive soil, they knew how to communicate, as a man
can nearly always communicate whatever moves him
profoundly. Neither ever made the slightest effort
to "teach" literature, as the business is carried on by
the usual idiot schoolmaster. Both had a vast con
tempt for the text-books that were official in their
rchool, and used to entertain the boys by pointing
out the nonsense in them. Both were full of deris
ory objections to the principal heroes of such books
in those days: Scott, Irving, Pope, Jane Austen,
Dickens, Trollope, Tennyson. But both, discoursing
in their disorderly way upon heroes of their own,
264 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
were magnificently eloquent and persuasive. The
boy who could listen to one of them intoning Whit
man and stand unmoved was a dull fellow indeed.
The boy who could resist the other's enthusiasm for
the old essayists was intellectually deaf, dumb and
blind.
I often wonder if their expoundings of their pas
sions and prejudices would have been half so charm
ing if they had been wholly respectable men, like their
colleagues of the school faculty. It is not likely.
A healthy boy is in constant revolt against the sort of
men who surround him at school. Their puerile
pedantries, their Christian Endeavor respectability,
their sedentery pallor, their curious preference for
the dull and uninteresting, their general air of so
many Y. M. C. A. secretaries — these things infallibly
repel the youth who is above milksoppery. In every
boys' school the favorite teacher is one who occasion
ally swears like a cavalryman, or is reputed to keep
a jug in his room, or is known to receive a scented
note every morning. Boys are good judges of men,
as girls are good judges of women. It is not by ac
cident that most of them, at some time or other, long
to be cowboys or ice-wagon drivers, and that none of
them, not obviously diseased in mind, ever longs to be
a Sunday-school superintendent. Put that judgment
to a simple test. What would become of a nation in
which all of the men were, at heart, Sunday-school
EDUCATION 265
superintendents — or Y. M. C. A. secretaries, or peda
gogues? Imagine it in conflict with a nation of cow
boys and ice-wagon drivers. Which wrould be the
stronger, and which would be the more intelligent, re
sourceful, enterprising and courageous?
XIV. TYPES OF MEN
The Romantic
THERE is a variety of man whose eye inevita
bly exaggerates, whose ear inevitably hears
more than the band plays, whose irtfagi-
nation inevitably doubles and triples the news
brought in by his five senses. He is the enthusiast,
the believer, the romantic. He is the sort of fellow
who, if he were a bacteriologist, would report the
streptoccocus pyogenes to be as large as a St.
Bernard dog, as intelligent as Socrates, as beautiful
as Beauvais Cathedral and as respectable as a Yale
professor.
2 -,"/;; ' I
The Skeptic
No man ever quite believes in any other man.
One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a
man. In the highest confidence there is always a
266
TYPES OF MEN 267
flavor of doubt — a feeling, half instinctive and half
logical, that, after all, the scoundrel may have some
thing up his sleeve. This doubt, it must be obvious,
is always more than justified, for no man is worthy
of unlimited reliance — his treason, at best, only waits
for sufficient temptation. The trouble with the world
is not that men are too suspicious in this direction,
but that they tend to be too confiding — that they still
trust themselves too far to other men, even after
bitter experience. Women, I believe, are measurably
less sentimental, in this as in other things. No
married woman ever trusts her husband absolutely,
nor does she ever act as if she did trust him. Her
utmost confidence is as wary as an American pick
pocket's confidence that the policeman on the beat
will stay bought.
The Believer
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief
in the occurrence of the improbable. Or, psychoana-
lytically, as a wish neurose. There is thus a flavor
of the pathological in it; it goes beyond the normal
intellectual process and passes into the murky domain
of transcendental metaphysics. A man full of faith
is simply one who has lost (or never had) the capac
ity for clear and realistic thought. He is not a mere
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ass: he is actually ill. Worse, he is incurable, for
disappointment, being essentially an objective phe
nomenon, cannot permanently affect his subjective in
firmity. His faith takes on the virulence of a chronic
infection. What he usually says, in substance, is
this: "Let us trust in God, who has always fooled us
in the past."
The Worker
All democratic theories, whether Socialistic or
bourgeois, necessarily take in some concept of the
dignity of labor. If the have-not were deprived of
this delusion that his sufferings in the sweat-shop are
somehow laudable and agreeable to God, there would
be little left in his ego save a belly-ache. Neverthe
less, a delusion is a delusion, and this is one of the
worst. It arises out of confusing the pride of work
manship of the artist with the dogged, painful docil-
ky of the machine. The difference is important and
enormous. If he got no reward whatever, the artist
would go on working just the same ; his actual reward,
in fact, is often so little that he almost starves. But
suppose a garment-worker got nothing for his labor:
would he go on working just the same? Can one
imagine him submitting voluntarily to hardship and
TYPES OF MEN 269
sore want that he might express his soul in 200 more
pairs of pantaloons?
The Physician
Hygiene is the corruption of medicine by morality.
It is impossible to find a hygienist who does not de
base his theory of the healthful with a theory of the
virtuous. The whole hygienic art, indeed, resolves
itself into an ethical exhortation, and, in the sub-de
partment of sex, into a puerile and belated advocacy
of asceticism. This brings it, at the end, into dia
metrical conflict with medicine proper. The aim of
medicine is surely not to make men virtuous; it is
to safeguard and rescue them from the consequences
of their vices. The true physician does not preach
repentance; he offers absolution.
6
The Scientist
The value the world sets upon motives is often
grossly unjust and inaccurate. Consider, for ex
ample, two of them: mere insatiable curiosity and
the desire to do good. The latter is put high above
the former, and yet it is the former that moves some
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of the greatest men the human race has yet produced:
the scientific investigators. What animates a great
pathologist? Is it the desire to cure disease, to save
life? Surely not, save perhaps as an afterthought.
He is too intelligent, deep down in his soul, to see
anything praiseworthy in such a desire. He knows
by life-long observation that his discoveries will do
quite as much harm as good, that a thousand scoun
drels will profit to every honest man, that the folks
who most deserve to be saved will probably be the
last to be saved. No man of self-respect could de
vote himself to pathology on such terms. What
actually moves him is his unquenchable curiosity —
his boundless, almost pathological thirst to penetrate
the unknown, to uncover the secret, to find out what
has not been found out before. His prototype is not
the liberator releasing slaves, the good Samaritan
lifting up the fallen, but the dog sniffing tremendously
at an infinite series of rat-holes. And yet 'he is one
of the greatest and noblest of men. And yet he
stands in the very front rank of the race.
The Business Man
It is, after all, a sound instinct which puts busi
ness below the professions, and burdens the business
man with a social inferiority that he can never quite
TYPES OF MEN 271
shake off, even in America. The business man, in
fact, acquiesces in this assumption of his inferiority,
even when he protests against it. He is the only man
who is forever apologizing for his occupation. He is
the only one who always seeks to make it appear,
when he attains the object of his labors, i. e., the
making of a great deal of money, that it was not the
object of his labors.
8
The King
Perhaps the most valuable asset that any man can
have in this world is a naturally superior air, a
talent for sniffishness and reserve. The generality
of men are always greatly impressed by it, and ac
cept it freely as a proof of genuine merit. One
need but disdain them to gain their respect. Their
congenital stupidity and timorousness make them
turn to any leader who offers, and the sign of leader
ship that they recognize most readily is that which
shows itself'in external manner. This is the true ex
planation of the survival of monarchism, which in
variably lives through its perennial deaths. It is the
popular theory, at least in America, that monarchism
is a curse fastened upon the common people from
above — that the monarch saddles it upon them with
out their consent and against their will. The theory
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is without support in the facts. Kings are created,
not by kings, but by the people. They visualize one
of the ineradicable needs of all third-rate men, which
means of nine men out of ten, and that is the need of
something to venerate, to bow down to, to follow and
obey.
The king business begins to grow precarious, not
when kings reach out for greater powers, but when
they begin to resign and renounce their powers. The
czars of Russia were quite secure upon the throne
so long as they ran Russia like a reformatory, but
the moment they began to yield to liberal ideas, i. e.,
by emancipating the serfs and setting up constitu
tionalism, their doom was sounded. The people saw
this yielding as a sign of weakness; they began to
suspect that the czars, after all, were not actually
superior to other men. And so they turned to other
and antagonistic leaders, all as cock-sure as the czars
had once been, and in the course of time they were
stimulated to rebellion. These leaders, or, at all
events, the two or three most resolute and daring
of them, then undertook to run the country in the
precise way that it had been run in the palmy days
of the monarchy. That is to say, they seized and
exerted irresistible power and laid claim to infal
lible wisdom. History will date their downfall from
the day they began to ease their pretensions. Once
they confessed, even by implication, that they were
TYPES OF MEN 273
merely human, the common people began to turn
against them.
The Average Man
It is often urged against the so-called scientific
Socialists, with their materialistic conception of his
tory, that they overlook certain spiritual qualities
that are independent of wage scales and metabolism.
These qualities, it is argued, color the aspirations
and activities of civilized man quite as much as they
are colored by his material condition, and so make
it impossible to consider him simply as an economic
machine. As examples, the anti-Marxians cite
patriotism, pity, the aesthetic sense and the yearning
to know God. Unluckily, the examples are ill-chosen.
Millions of men are quite devoid of patriotism, pity
and the aesthetic sense, and have no very active desire
to know God. Why don't the anti-Marxians cite a
spiritual quality that is genuinely .universal? There
is one readily to hand. I allude to cowardice. It
is, in one form or other, visible in every human being;
it almost serves to mark off the human race from all
the other higher animals. Cowardice, I believe, is
at the bottom of the whole caste system, the foun
dation of every organized society, including the most
democratic. In order to escape going to war him-
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self, the peasant was willing to give the warrior cer
tain privileges — and out of those privileges has grown
the whole structure of civilization. Go back still
further. Property arose out of the fact that
a few relatively courageous men were able to accu
mulate more possessions than whole hordes of cow
ardly men, and, what is more, to retain them after
accumulating them.
10
The Truth-Seeker
The man who boasts that he habitually tells the
truth is simply a man with no respect for it. It is
not a thing to be thrown about loosely, like small
change; it is something to be cherished and hoarded,
and disbursed only when absolutely necessary. The
smallest atom of truth represents some man's bitter
toil and agony; for every ponderable chunk of it
there is a brave truth-seeker's grave upon some lonely
ash-dump and a soul roasting in hell.
11
The Pacifist
Nietzsche, in altering Schopenhauer's will-to-live
to will-to-power, probably fell into a capital error.
The truth is that the thing the average man seeks in
TYPES OF MEN 275
life is not primarily power, but peace; all his struggle
is toward a state of tranquillity and equilibrium; what
he always dreams of is a state in which he will have
to do battle no longer. This dream plainly enters
into his conception of Heaven; he thinks of himself,
post mortem, browsing about the celestial meadows
like a cow in a safe pasture. A few extraordinary
men enjoy combat at all times, and all men are
inclined toward it at orgiastic moments, but the race
as a race craves peace, and man belongs among the
more timorous, docile and unimaginative animals,
along with the deer, the horse and the sheep. This
craving for peace is vividly displayed in the ages-long
conflict of the sexes. Every normal woman wants to
be married, for the plain reason that marriage offers
her security. And every normal man avoids mar
riage as long as possible, for the equally plain reason
that marriage invades and threatens his security.
12
The Relative
The normal man's antipathy to his relatives, par
ticularly of the second degree, is explained by
psychologists in various tortured and improbable
ways. The true explanation, I venture, is a good
deal simpler. It lies in the plain fact that every man
sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a
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series of grotesque caricatures of himself. They
exhibit his qualities in disconcerting augmentation
or diminution; they fill him with a disquieting feel
ing that this, perhaps, is the way he appears to the
world and so they wound his amour propre and give
him intense discomfort. To admire his relatives
whole-heartedly a man must be lacking in the finer
sort of self-respect.
13
The Friend
One of the most mawkish of human delusions is
the notion that friendship should be eternal, or, at
all events, life-long, and that any act which puts a
term to it is somehow discreditable. The fact is that
a man of active and resilient mind outwears his
friendships just as certainly as he outwears his love
affairs, his politics and his epistemology. They
become threadbare, shabby, pumped-up, irritating,
depressing. They convert themselves from living
realities into moribund artificialities, and stand in
sinister opposition to freedom, self-respect and truth.
It is as corrupting to preserve them after they have
grown fly-blown and hollow as it is to keep up the
forms of passion after passion itself is a corpse.
Every act and attitude that they involve thus become*
an act of hypocrisy, an attitude of dishonesty. . . .
TYPES OF MEN 277
A prudent man, remembering that life is short, gives
an hour or two, now and then, to a critical examina
tion of his friendships. He weighs them, edits them,
tests the metal of them. A few he retains, perhaps
with radical changes in their terms. But the ma
jority he expunges from his minutes and tries to for
get, as he tries to forget the cold and clammy loves
of year before last.
XV. THE DISMAL SCIENCE
EVERY man, as the Psalmist says, to his own
poison, or poisons, as the case may be.
One of mine, following hard after theol
ogy, is political economy. What! Political econ
omy, that dismal science? Well, why not? Its
dismalness is largely a delusion, due to the fact that
its chief ornaments, at least in our own day, are uni
versity professors. The professor must be an obscur
antist or he is nothing; he has a special and unmatch-
able talent for dullness; his central aim is not to
expose the truth clearly, but to exhibit his profundity,
his esotericity — in brief, to stagger sophomores and
other professors. The notion that German is a
gnarled and unintelligible language arises out of the
circumstance that it is so much written by professors.
It took a rebel member of the clan, swinging to the
antipodes in his unearthly treason, to prove its
explicitness, its resiliency, it downright beauty. But
Nietzsches are few, and so German remains soggy,
and political economy continues to be swathed in
dullness. As I say, however, that dullness is only
superficial. There is no more engrossing book in
278
THE DISMAL SCIENCE 279
the English language than Adam Smith's "The Wealth
of Nations"; surely the eighteenth century produced
nothing that can be read with greater ease to-day.
Nor is there any inherent reason why even the most
technical divisions of its subject should have gathered
cobwebs with the passing of the years. Taxation,
for example, is eternally lively; it concerns nine-
tenths of us more directly than either smallpox or
golf, and has just as much drama in it; moreover,
it has been mellowed and made gay by as many
gaudy, preposterous theories. As for foreign ex
change, it is almost as romantic as young love, and
quite as resistent to formulae. Do the professors
make an autopsy of it? Then read the occasional
treatises of some professor of it who is not a pro
fessor, say, Caret Garrett or John Moody.
Unluckily, Garretts and Moodys are almost as rare
as Nietzsches, and so the amateur of such things must
be content to wrestle with the professors, seeking the
violet of human interest beneath the avalanche of
their graceless parts of speech. A hard business, I
daresay, to one not practiced, and to its hardness
there is added the disquiet of a doubt. That doubt
does not concern itself with the doctrine preached, at
least not directly. There may be in it nothing in
trinsically dubious; on the contrary, it may appear
as sound as the binomial theorem, as well supported
as the dogma of infant damnation. But all the time
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a troubling question keeps afloat in the air, and that
is briefly this: What would happen to the learned
professors if they took the other side? In other
words, to what extent is political economy, as pro
fessors expound and practice it, a free science, in the
sense that mathematics and physiology are free
sciences? At what place, if any, is speculation
pulled up by a rule that beyond lies treason, anarchy
and disaster? These questions, I hope I need not
add, are not inspired by any heterodoxy in my own
black heart. I am, in many fields, a flouter of the
accepted revelation and hence immoral, but the
field of economics is not one of them. Here, indeed,
I know of no man who is more orthodox than I am.
I believe that the present organization of society, as
bad as it is, is better than any other that has ever
been proposed. I reject all the sure cures in current
agitation, from government ownership to the single
tax. I am in favor of free competition in all human
enterprises, and to the utmost limit. I admire suc
cessful scoundrels, and shrink from Socialists as I
shrink from Methodists. But all the same, the afore
said doubt pursues me when I plow through the
solemn disproofs and expositions of the learned pro
fessors of economics, and that doubt will not down.
It is not logical or evidential, but purely psycho
logical. And what it is grounded on is an unshakable
belief that no man's opinion is worth a hoot, however
THE DISMAL SCIENCE 281
well supported and maintained, so long as he is not
absolutely free, if the spirit moves him, to support
and maintain the exactly contrary opinion. In brief,
human reason is a weak and paltry thing so long as it
is not wholly free reason. The fact lies in its very
nature, and is revealed by its entire history. A man
may be perfectly honest in a contention, and he may
be astute and persuasive in maintaining it, but the
moment the slightest compulsion to maintain it is
laid upon him, the moment the slightest external re
ward goes with his partisanship or the slightest
penalty with its abandonment, then there appears a
defect in his ratiocination that is more deep-seated
than any error in fact and more destructive than any
conscious and deliberate bias. He may seek the truth
and the truth only, and bring up his highest talents
and diligence to the business, but always there is a
specter behind his chair, a warning in his ear. Always
it is safer and more hygienic for him to think one way
than to think another way, and in that bald fact there
is excuse enough to hold his whole chain of syllo
gisms in suspicion. He may be earnest, he may be
honest, but he is not free, and if he is not free, he is
not anything.
Well, are the reverend professors of economics
free? With the highest respect, I presume to
question it. Their colleagues of archeology may be
reasonably called free, and their colleagues of bac-
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teriology, and those of Latin grammar and sidereal
astronomy, and those of many another science and
mystery, but when one comes to the faculty of
political economy one finds that freedom as plainly
conditioned, though perhaps not as openly, as in the
faculty of theology. And for a plain reason.
Political economy, so to speak, hits the employers of
the professors where they live. It deals, not with
ideas that affect those employers only occasionally
or only indirectly or only as ideas, but with ideas
that have an imminent and continuous influence upon
their personal welfare and security, and that affect
profoundly the very foundations of that social and
economic structure upon which their whole existence
is based. It is, in brief, the science of the ways and
means whereby they have come to such estate, and
maintain themselves in such estate, that they are
able to hire and boss professors. It is the boat in
which they sail down perilous waters — and they
must needs yell, or be more or less than human, when
it is rocked. Now and then that yell duly resounds
in the groves of learning. One remembers, for
example, the trial, condemnation and execution of
Prof. Dr. Scott Nearing at the University of Pennsyl
vania, a seminary that is highly typical, both in its
staff and in its control. Nearing, I have no doubt,
was wrong in his notions — honestly, perhaps, but
still wrong. In so far as I heard them stated at the
THE DISMAL SCIENCE 283
time, they seemed to me to be hollow and of no va
lidity. He has since discharged them from the chau-
tauquan stump, and at the usual hinds. They have
been chiefly accepted and celebrated by men I regard
as asses. But Nearing was not thrown out of the
University of Pennsylvania, angrily and ignomini-
ously, because he was honestly wrong, or because
his errors made him incompetent to prepare sopho
mores for their examinations; he was thrown out
because his efforts to get at the truth disturbed the se
curity and equanimity of the rich ignoranti who hap
pened to control the university, and because the
academic slaves and satellites of these shopmen
were restive under his competition for the attention
of the student-body. In three words, he was thrown
out because he was not safe and sane and orthodox.
Had his aberration gone in the other direction, had
he defended child labor as ardently as he denounced
it and denounced the minimum wage as ardently as
he defended it, then he would have been quite as
secure in his post, for all his cavorting in the news
papers, as Chancellor Day was at Syracuse.
Now consider the case of the professors of eco
nomics, near and far, who have not been thrown out.
Who will say that the lesson of the Nearing debacle
has been lost upon them? Who will say that the po
tency of the wealthy men who command our uni
versities — or most of them — has not stuck in their
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minds? And who will say that, with this sticking
remembered, their arguments against Nearing's so-
called ideas are as worthy of confidence and respect
as they would be if they were quite free to go over
to Nearing's side without damage? Who, indeed,
will give them full credit, even when they are right,
so long as they are hamstrung, nose-ringed and tied
up in gilded pens? It seems to me that these con
siderations are enough to cast a glow of suspicion
over the whole of American political economy, at
least in so far as it comes from college economists.
And, in the main, it has that source, for, barring a
few brilliant journalists, all our economists of any
repute are professors. Many of them are able men,
and most of them are undoubtedly honest men, as
honesty goes in the world, but over practically every
one of them there stands a board of trustees with its
legs in the stock-market and its eyes on the established
order, and that board is ever alert for heresy in the
science of its being, and has ready means of punish
ing it, and a hearty enthusiasm for the business.
Not every professor, perhaps, may be sent straight to
the block, as Nearing was, but there are plenty of
pillories and guardhouses on the way, and every
last pedagogue must be well aware of it.
Political economy, in so far as it is a science at all,
was not pumped up and embellished by any such
academic clients and ticket-of -leave men. It was put
THE DISMAL SCIENCE 285
on its legs by inquirers who were not only safe from
all dousing in the campus pump, but who were also
free from the mental timorousness and conformity
which go inevitably with school-teaching — in brief,
by men of the world, accustomed to its free air, its
hospitality to originality and plain speaking. Adam
Smith, true enough, was once a professor, but he
threw up his chair to go to Paris, and there he met,
not more professors, but all the current enemies of
professors — the Nearings and Henry Georges and
Karl Marxes of the time. And the book that he
wrote was not orthodox, but revolutionary. Con
sider the others of that bulk and beam: Bentham,
Ricardo, Mill and their like. Bentham held no post
at the mercy of bankers and tripesellers; he was a
man of independent means, a lawyer and politician,
and a heretic in general practice. It is impossible
to imagine such a man occupying a chair at Harvard
or Princeton. He had a hand in too many pies: he
was too rebellious and contumacious: he had too lit
tle respect for authority, either academic or worldly.
Moreover, his mind was too wide for a professor; he
could never remain safely in a groove; the whole
field of social organization invited his inquiries and
experiments. Ricardo? Another man of easy means
and great worldly experience — by academic
standards, not even educated. To-day, I daresay,
such meager diplomas as he could show would not
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suffice to get him an instructor's berth in a fresh
water seminary in Iowa. As for Mill, he was so
well grounded by his father that he knew more, at
eighteen, than any of the universities could teach
him, and his life thereafter was the exact antithesis
of that of a cloistered pedagogue. Moreover, he
was a heretic in religion and probably violated the
Mann act of those days — an offense almost as
heinous, in a college professor of economics, as
giving three cheers for Prince Kropotkin.
I might lengthen the list, but humanely refrain.
The point is that these early English economists were
all perfectly free men, with complete liberty to tell
the truth as they saw it, regardless of its orthodoxy
or lack of orthodoxy. I do not say that the typical
American economist of to-day is not as honest, nor
even that he is not as diligent and competent, but I
do say that he is not as free — that penalties would
come upon him for stating ideas that Smith or
Ricardo or Bentham or Mill, had he so desired, would
have been free to state without damage. And in
that menace there is an ineradicable criticism of the
ideas that he does state, and it lingers even when they
are plausible and are accepted. In France and Ger
many, where the universities and colleges are con
trolled by the state, the practical effect of such pres
sure has been frequently demonstrated. In the
former country the violent debate over social and
THE DISMAL SCIENCE 287
economic problems during the quarter century before
the war produced a long list of professors cashiered
for heterodoxy, headed by the names of Jean Jaures
and Gustave Herve. In Germany it needed no Nietzs
che to point out the deadening produced by this
state control. Germany, in fact, got out of it an en
tirely new species of economist — the state Socialist
who flirted with radicalism with one eye and kept the
other upon his chair, his salary and his pension.
The Nearing case and the rebellions of various
pedagogues elsewhere show that we in America
stand within the shadow of a somewhat similar
danger. In economics, as in the other sciences, we
are probably producing men who are as good as those
on view in any other country. They are not to be
surpassed for learning and originality, and there is
no reason to believe that they lack honesty and
courage. But honesty and courage, as men go in the
world, are after all merely relative values. There
comes a point at which even the most honest man con
siders consequences, and even the most courageous
looks before he leaps. The difficulty lies in
establishing the position of that point. So long as it
is in doubt, there will remain, too, the other doubt
that I have described. I rise in meeting, I repeat,
not as a radical, but as one of the most hunkerous of
the orthodox. I can imagine nothing more dubious
in fact and wrobbly in logic than some of the doctrines
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that amateur economists, chiefly Socialists, have set
afloat in this country during the past dozen years. I
have even gone to the trouble of writing a book
against them; my convictions and instincts are all on
the other side. But I should be a great deal more
comfortable in those convictions and instincts if I
were convinced that the learned professors were
really in full and absolute possession of academic
freedom — if I could imagine them taking the other
tack now and then without damnation to their jobs,
their lecture dates, their book sales and their hides.
XVI. MATTERS OF STATE
Le Control Social
ALL government, in its essence, is a conspiracy
against the superior man: its one perma
nent object is to police him and cripple
him. If it be aristocratic in organization, then it
seeks to protect the man who is superior only in law
against the man who is superior in fact; if it be
democratic, then it seeks to protect the man who is
inferior in every way against both. Thus one of its
primary functions is to regiment men by force, to
make them as much alike as possible and as de
pendent upon one another as possible, to search out
and combat originality among them. All it can see
in an original idea is potential change, and hence an
invasion of its prerogatives. The most dangerous
man, to any government, is the man who is able to
think things out for himself, without regard to the
prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevi
tably he comes to the conclusion that the government
he lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable,
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and so, if he is romantic, he tries to change it. And
even if he is not romantic personally he is very apt
to spread discontent among those who are. Ludwig
van Beethoven was certainly no politician. Nor was
he a patriot. Nor had he any democratic illusions
in him: he held the Viennese in even more contempt
than he held the Hapsburgs. Nevertheless, I am con
vinced that the sharp criticism of the Hapsburg gov
ernment that he used to loose in the cafes of Vienna
had its effects — that some of his ideas of 1818, after
a century of germination, got themselves translated
into acts in 1918. Beethoven, like all other first-rate
men, greatly disliked the government he lived under.
I add the names of Goethe, Heine, Wagner and Nietzs
che, to keep among Germans. That of Bismarck
might follow: he admired the Hohenzollern idea, as
Carlyle did, not the German people or the German
administration. In his "Errinerungen," whenever he
discusses the government that he was a part of, he has
difficulty keeping his contempt within the bounds of
decorum.
Nine times out of ten, it seems to me, the man who
proposes a change in the government he lives under,
no matter how defective it may be, is romantic to the
verge of sentimentality. There is seldom, if ever,
any evidence that the kind of government he is unlaw
fully inclined to would be any better than the govern
ment he proposes to supplant. Political revolutions,
MATTERS OF STATE 291
in truth, do not often accomplish anything of genuine
value; their one undoubted effect is simply to throw
out one gang of thieves and put in another. After
a revolution, of course, the successful revolutionists
always try to convince doubters that they have
achieved great things, and usually they hang any man
who denies it. But that surely doesn't prove their
case. In Russia, for many years, the plain people
were taught that getting rid of the Czar would make
them all rich and happy, but now that they have got
rid of him they are poorer and unhappier than ever
before. The Germans, with the Kaiser in exile, have
discovered that a shoemaker turned statesman is ten
times as bad as a Hohenzollern. The Alsatians, hav
ing become Frenchmen again after 48 years anxious
wait, have responded to the boon by becoming ex
travagant Germanomaniacs. The Tyrolese, though
they hated the Austrians, now hate the Italians enor
mously more. The Irish, having rid themselves of
the English after 700 years of struggle, instantly
discovered that government by Englishmen, compared
to government by Irishmen, was almost paradisiacal.
Even the American colonies gained little by their re
volt in 1776. For twenty -five years after the Revolu
tion they were in far worse condition as free states
than they would have been as colonies. Their govern
ment was more expensive, more, inefficient, more dis
honest, and more tyrannical. It was only the gradual
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material progress of the country that saved them from
starvation and collapse, and that material progress
was due, not to the virtues of their new government,
but to the lavishness of nature. Under the British
hoof they would have got on just as well, and prob
ably a great deal better.
The ideal government of all reflective men, from
Aristotle to Herbert Spencer, is one which lets the
individual alone — one which barely escapes being no
government at all. This ideal, I believe, will be
realized in the world twenty or thirty centuries after
I have passed from these scenes and taken up my
home in Hell.
On Minorities
It is a commonplace of historical science that the
forgotten worthies who framed the Constitution of
the United States had no belief in democracy. Prof.
Dr. Beard, in a slim, sad book, has laboriously
proved that most obvious of obviousities. Two
prime objects are visible in the Constitution, beauti
fully enshrouded in disarming words: to protect
property and to safeguard minorities — in brief, to
I hold the superior few harmless against the inferior
imany. The first object is still carried out, despite
the effort of democratic law to make capital an out-
MATTERS OF STATE 293
law. The second, alas, has been defeated completely.
What is worse, it has been defeated in the very holy
of holies of those who sought to attain it, which is to
say, in the funereal chamber of the Supreme Court of
the United States. Bit by bit this great bench of
master minds has gradually established the doctrine
that a minority in the Republic has no rights what
ever. If they still exist theoretically, as fossils sur
viving from better days, there is certainly no machin
ery left for protecting and enforcing them. The
current majority, if it so desired to-morrow, could
add an amendment to the Constitution prohibiting the
ancient Confederate vice of chewing the compressed
leaves of the tobacco plant (Nicotiana tabacum) ; the
Supreme Court, which has long since forgotten the
Bill of Rights, would promptly issue a writ of nihil
obstat, with a series of moral reflections as lagniappe.
More, the Supreme Court would as promptly uphold
a law prohibiting the chewing of gum (Achras sapota)
— on the ground that any unnecessary chewing, how
ever harmless in itself, might tempt great hordes of
morons to chew tobacco. This is not a mere torturing
of sardonic theory: the thing has been actually done
in the case of Prohibition. The Eighteenth Amend
ment prohibits the sale of intoxkating beverages; the
Supreme Court has decided plainly that, in order to
enforce it, Congress also has the right to prohibit the
sale of beverages that are admittedly not intoxicating.
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It could, indeed, specifically prohibit near-beer to
morrow, or any drink containing malt or hops, how
ever low in alcohol; the more extreme Prohibitionists
actually demand that it do so forthwith.
Worse, a minority not only has no more inalienable
rights in the United States; it is not even lawfully
entitled to be heard. This was well established by
the case of the Socialists elected to the New York
Assembly. What the voters who elected these So
cialists asked for was simply the privilege of choosing
spokesmen to voice their doctrines in a perfectly law
ful and peaceable manner, — nothing more. This
privilege was denied them. In precisely the same
way, the present national House of Representatives,
which happens to be Republican in complexion,
might expel all of its Democratic members. The
voters who elected them would have no redress. If
the same men were elected again, or other men of
the same views, they might be expelled again. More,
it would apparently be perfectly constitutional for
the majority in Congress to pass a statute denying the
use of the mails to the minority — that is, for the Re
publicans to bar all Democratic papers from the
mails. I do not toy with mere theories. The thing
has actually been done in the case of the Socialists.
Under the present law, indeed — upheld by the Su
preme Court — the Postmaster-General, without any
further authority from Congress, might deny the
MATTERS OF STATE 295
mails to all Democrats. Or to all Catholics. Or to
all single- taxers. Or to all violoncellists.
Yet more, a citizen who happens to belong to a
minority is not even safe in his person: he may be
put into prison, and for very long periods, for the
simple offense of differing from the majority. This
happened, it will be recalled, in the case of Debs.
Debs by no means advised citizens subject to military
duty, in time of war, to evade that duty, as the news
papers of the time alleged. On the contrary, he ad
vised them to meet and discharge that duty. All he
did was to say that, even in time of war, he was
against war — that he regarded it as a barbarous
method of settling disputes between nations. For
thus differing from the majority on a question of mere
theory he was sentenced to ten years in prison. The
case of the three young Russians arrested in New
York was even more curious. These poor idiots were
jailed for the almost incredible crime of circulating
purely academic protests against making war upon a
country with which the United States was legally at
peace, to wit, Russia. For this preposterous offense
two of them were sent to prison for fifteen years, and
one, a girl, for ten years, and the Supreme Court up
held their convictions. Here was a plain case of
proscription and punishment for a mere opinion.
There was absolutely no contention that the protest
of the three prisoners could have any practical result
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— that it might, for example, destroy the morale of
American soldiers 6,000 miles away, and cut off
from all communication with the United States. The
three victims were ordered to be punished in that
appalling manner simply because they ventured to
criticise an executive usurpation which happened, at
the moment, to have the support of public opinion,
and particularly of the then President of the United
States and of the holders of Russian government se
curities.
It must be obvious, viewing such leading cases
critically — and hundreds like them might be cited —
that the old rights of the free American, so care
fully laid down by the Bill of Rights, are now worth
nothing. Bit by bit, Congress and the State Legisla
tures have invaded and nullified them, and to-day they
are so flimsy that no lawyer not insane would attempt
to defend his client by bringing them up. Imagine
trying to defend a man denied the use of the mails
by the Postmaster-General, without hearing or even
formal notice, on the ground that the Constitution
guarantees the right of free speech! The very catch
polls in the courtroom would snicker. I say that the
legislative arm is primarily responsible for this grad
ual enslavement of the Americano; the truth is, of
course, that the executive and judicial arms are re
sponsible to a scarcely less degree. Our law has not
kept pace with the development of our bureaucracy;
MATTERS OF STATE 297
there is no machinery provided for curbing its ex
cesses. In Prussia, in the old days, there were
special courts for the purpose, and a citizen oppressed
by the police or by any other public official could
get relief and redress. The guilty functionary could
be fined, mulcted in damages, demoted, cashiered, or
even jailed. But in the United States to-day there
are no such tribunals. A citizen attacked by the Post
master-General simply has no redress whatever; the
courts have refused, over and over again, to inter
fere save in cases of obvious fraud. Nor is there, it
would seem, any remedy for the unconstitutional acts
of Prohibition agents. Some time ago, when Sena
tor Stanley, of Kentucky, tried to have a law passed
forbidding them to break into a citizen's house in
violation of the Bill of Rights, the Prohibitionists
mustered up their serfs in the Senate against him, and
he was voted down.
The Supreme Court, had it been so disposed, might
have put a stop to all this sinister buffoonery long
ago. There was a time, indeed, when it was alert
to do so. That was during the Civil War. But since
then thfe court has gradually succumbed to the pre
vailing doctrine that the minority has no rights that
the majority is bound to respect. As it is at present
constituted, it shows little disposition to go to the
rescue of the harassed freeman. When property is
menaced it displays a laudable diligence, but when it
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comes to the mere rights of the citizen it seems hope
lessly inclined to give the prosecution the benefit of
every doubt. Two justices commonly dissent — two
out of nine. They hold the last switch-trench of the
old constitutional line. When they depart to realms
of bliss the Bill of Rights will be buried with them.
XVII. REFLECTIONS ON THE
D R A M A
THE drama is the most democratic of the art
forms, and perhaps the only one that may
legitimately bear the label. Painting, sculp
ture, music and literature, so far as they show any
genuine aesthetic or intellectual content at all, are not
for crowds, but for selected individuals, mostly with
bad kidneys and worse morals, and three of the four
are almost always enjoyed in actual solitude. Even
architecture and religious ritual, though they are pub
licly displayed, make their chief appeal to man as
individual, not to man as mass animal. One goes
into a church as part of a crowd, true enough, but if
it be a church that has risen above mere theological
disputation to the beauty of ceremonial, one is, even
in theory, alone with the Lord God Jehovah. And if,
passing up Fifth Avenue in the 5 o'clock throng, one
pauses before St. Thomas's to drink in the beauty of
that archaic facade, one's drinking is almost sure to
be done a cappella; of the other passers-by, not one
in a thousand so much as glances at it.
But the drama, as representation, is inconceivable
299
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save as a show for the mob, and so it has to take on
protective coloration to survive. It must make its
appeal, not to individuals as such, nor even to indi
viduals as units in the mob, but to the mob as mob —
a quite different thing, as Gustav Le Bon long ago
demonstrated in his "Psychologic des Foules." Thus
its intellectual content, like its aesthetic form, must
be within the mental grasp of the mob, and what is
more important, within the scope of its prejudices.
Per corollary, anything even remotely approaching
an original idea, or an unpopular idea, is foreign to
it, and if it would make any impression at all, ab
horrent to it. The best a dramatist can hope to do
is to give poignant and arresting expression to an
idea so simple that the average man will grasp it at
once, and so banal that he will approve it in the next
instant. The phrase "drama of ideas" thus becomes
a mere phrase. What is actually meant by it is
"drama of platitudes."
So much for the theory. An appeal to the facts
quickly substantiates it. The more one looks into the
so-called drama of ideas of the last age— that is,
into the acting drama — the more one is astounded by
the vacuity of its content. The younger Dumas' "La
Dame aux Camelias," the first of all the propaganda
plays (it raised a stupendous pother in 1852, the ech
oes of which yet roll), is based upon the sophomorie
REFLECTIONS ON THE DRAMA 301
thesis that a prostitute is a human being like you and
me, and suffers the slings and arrows of the same sor
rows, and may be potentially quite as worthy of
heaven. Augier's "La Mariage d'Olympe" (1854),
another sensation-making pioneer, is even hollower;
its four acts are devoted to rubbing in the revolution
ary discovery that it is unwise for a young man of
good family to marry an elderly cocotte. Proceed
now to Ibsen. Here one finds the same tasteless
platitudes — that it is unpleasant for a wife to be
treated as a doll; that professional patriots and town
boomers are frauds; that success in business is often
grounded upon a mere willingness to do what a man
of honor is incapable of; that a woman who continues
to live with a debauched husband may expect to have
unhealthy children; that a joint sorrow tends to bring
husband and wife together; that a neurotic woman is
apt to prefer death to maternity; that a man of 55 is
an ass to fall in love with a flapper of 17. Do I
burlesque? If you think so, turn to Ibsen's "Nach-
gelassene Schriften" and read his own statements
of the ideas in his social dramas — read his own suc
cinct summaries of their theses. You will imagine
yourself, on more than one page, in the latest volume
of mush by Orison Swett Marden. Such "ideas" are
what one finds in newspaper editorials, speeches be
fore Congress, sermons by evangelical divines — in
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brief, in the literature expressly addressed to those
persons whose distinguishing mark is that ideas never
enter their heads.
Ibsen himself, an excellent poet and a reflective
man, was under no delusions about his "dramas of
ideas." It astounded him greatly when the senti
mental German middle-classes hailed "Em Puppen-
heim" as a revolutionary document; he protested
often and bitterly against being mistaken for a
prophet of feminism. His own interest in this play
and in those that followed it was chiefly technical;
he was trying to displace the well-made play of Scribe
and company with something simpler, more elastic
and more hospitable to character. He wrote "Ghosts"
to raise a laugh against the fools who had seen some
thing novel and horrible in the idea of "A Doll's
House"; he wanted to prove to them that that idea
was no more than a platitude. Soon afterward he
became thoroughly disgusted with the whole "drama
of ideas." In "The Wild Duck" he cruelly bur
lesqued it, and made a low-comedy Ibsenist his chief
butt. In "Hedda Gabler" he played a joke on the
Ibsen fanatics by fashioning a first-rate drama out of
the oldest, shoddiest materials of Sardou, Feuillet,
and even Meilhac and Halevy. And beginning with
"Little Eyolf" he threw the "drama of ideas" over
board forever, and took to mysticism. What could
be more comical than the efforts of critical talmudists
REFLECTIONS ON THE DRAMA 303
to read a thesis into "When We Dead Awaken"? I
have put in many a gay hour perusing their commen
taries. Ibsen, had he lived, would have roared over
them — as he roared over the effort to inject portentous
meanings into "The Master Builder," at bottom no
more than a sentimental epitaph to a love affair that
he himself had suffered at 60.
Gerhart Hauptmann, another dramatist of the first
rank, has gone much the same road. As a very
young man he succumbed to the "drama of ideas"
gabble, and his first plays showed an effort to preach
this or that in awful tones. But he soon discovered
that the only ideas that wTould go down, so to speak,
on the stage were ideas of such an austere platitudi-
nousness that it was beneath his artistic dignity to
merchant them, and so he gave over propaganda al
together. In other words, his genius burst through
the narrow bounds of mob ratiocination, and he be
gan appealing to the universal emotions — pity, re
ligious sentiment, patriotism, amorousness. Even
in his first play, "Vor Sonnenaufgang," his instinct
got the better of his mistaken purpose, and reading
it to-day one finds that the sheer horror of it is of
vastly more effect than its nebulous and unimportant
ideas. It really says nothing; it merely makes us
dislike some very unpleasant people.
Turn now to Shaw. At once one finds that the only
plays from his pen which contain actual ideas have
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failed dismally on the stage. These are the so-
called "discussions" — e. g., "Getting Married." The
successful plays contain no ideas; they contain only
platitudes, balderdash, buncombe that even a suffra
gette might think of. Of such sort are "Man and
Superman," "Arms and the Man," "Candida," "An-
drocles and the Lion," and their like. Shaw has
given all of these pieces a specious air of profundity
by publishing them hooked to long and garrulous
prefaces and by filling them with stage directions
which describe and discuss the characters at great
length. But as stage plays they are almost as empty
as "Hedda Gabler." One searches them vainly for
even the slightest novel contribution to the current
theories of life, joy and crime. Shaw's prefaces, of
course, have vastly more ideational force and re
spectability than his plays. If he fails to get any
ideas of genuine savor into them it is not because the
preface form bars them out but because he hasn't any
to get in. By attaching them to his plays he con
verts the latter into colorable imitations of novels,
and so opens the way for that superior reflectiveness
which lifts the novel above the play, and makes it,
as Arnold Bennett has convincingly shown, much
harder to write. A stage play in the modern real
istic manner — that is, without soliloquies and asides
— can seldom rise above the mere representation of
some infinitesimal episode, whereas even the worst
REFLECTIONS ON THE DRAMA 305
novel may be, in some sense, an interpretation as
well. Obviously, such episodes as may be exposed
in 20,000 words — the extreme limit of the average
play — are seldom significant, and not often clearly
intelligible. The author has a hard enough job mak
ing his characters recognizable as human beings; he
hasn't time to go behind their acts to their motives, or
to deduce any conclusions worth hearing from their
doings. One often leaves a "social drama," indeed,
wondering what the deuce it is all about; the discus
sion of its meaning offers endless opportunities for
theorists and fanatics. The Ibsen symbolists come
to mind again. They read meanings into such plays
as "Rosmersholm" and "The Wild Duck" that
aroused Ibsen, a peaceful man, to positive fury. In
the same way the suffragettes collared, "A Doll's
House." Even "Peer Gynt" did not escape. There
is actually an edition of it edited by a theosophist, in
the preface to which it is hymned as a theosophical
document. Luckily for Ibsen, he died before this
edition was printed. But one may well imagine how
it would have made him swear.
The notion that there are ideas in the "drama of
ideas," in truth, is confined to a special class of
illuminati, whose chief visible character is their ca
pacity for ingesting nonsense — Maeterlinckians, up-
lifters, women's clubbers, believers in all the sure
cures for all the sorrows of the world. To-day the
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Drama League carries on the tradition. It is com
posed of the eternally young — unsuccessful drama
tists who yet live in hope, young college professors,
psychopathic old maids, middle-aged ladies of an
incurable jejuneness, the innumerable caravan of the
ingenuous and sentimental. Out of the same intel
lectual Landsturm comes the following of Bergson,
the parlor metaphysician ; and of the third-rate novel
ists praised by the newspapers ; and of such composers
as Wolf-Ferrari and Massenet. These are the fair
ones, male and female, who were ecstatically shocked
by the platitudes of "Damaged Goods," and who re
gard Augustus Thomas as a great dramatist, and
what is more, as a great thinker. Their hero, during
a season or two, was the Swedish John the Baptist,
August Strindberg — a lunatic with a gift for turn
ing the preposterous into the shocking. A glance at
Strindberg's innumerable volumes of autobiography
reveals the true horse-power of his so-called ideas.
He believed in everything that was idiotic, from trans
cendentalism to witchcraft. He believed that his en
emies were seeking to destroy him by magic; he
spent a whole winter trying to find the philosopher's
stone. Even among the clergy, it would be difficult
to find a more astounding ass than Strindberg. But
he had, for all his folly, a considerable native skill
at devising effective stage-plays — a talent that some
men seem to be born with — and under cover of it he
REFLECTIONS ON THE DRAMA 307
acquired his reputation as a thinker. Here he was
met half-way hy the defective powers of observation
and reflection of his followers, the half-wits afore
said; they mistook their enjoyment of his adept tech
nical trickery for an appreciation of ideas. Turn
to the best of his plays, "The Father." Here the
idea — that domestic nagging can cause insanity —
is an almost perfect platitude, for on the one hand
it is universally admitted and on the other hand it is
not true. But as a stage play pure and simple, the
piece is superb — a simple and yet enormously effec
tive mechanism. So with "Countess Julie." The
idea here is so vague and incomprehensible that no
two commentators agree in stating it, and yet the play
is so cleverly written, and appeals with such a sure
touch to the universal human weakness for the ob
scene, that it never fails to enchant an audience.
The case of "Hedda Gabler" is parallel. If the
actresses playing Hedda in this country made up for
the part in the scandalous way their sisters do in
Germany (that is, by wearing bustles in front), it
would be as great a success here as it is over there.
Its general failure among us is due to the fact that
it is not made indelicate enough. This also ex
plains the comparative failure of the rest of the Ibsen
plays. The crowd has been subtly made to believe
that they are magnificently indecent — and is always
dashed and displeased when it finds nothing to lift
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the diaphragm. I well remember the first produc
tion of "Ghosts" in America — a business in which I
had a hand. So eager was the audience for the
promised indecencies that it actually read them into
the play, and there were protests against it on the
ground that Mrs. Alving was represented as trying
to seduce her own son! Here comstockery often heljJ>s
the "drama of ideas." If no other idea is visible,
it can always conjure up, out of its native swinish
ness, some idea that is offensively sexual, and hence
pleasing to the mob.
That mob rules in the theater, and so the theater
remains infantile and trivial-r-a scene, not of the
exposure of ideas, nor even of the exhibition of
beauty, but one merely of the parading of mental
and physical prettiness and vulgarity. It is at its
worst when its dramatists seek to corrupt this func
tion by adding a moral or intellectual purpose. It
is at its best when it confines itself to the unrealities
that are its essence, and swings amiably from the ro
mance that never was on land or sea to the buffoonery
that is at the bottom of all we actually know of human
life. Shakespeare was its greatest craftsman: he
wasted no tortured ratiocination upon his plays. In
stead, he filled them with the gaudy heroes that all
of us see ourselves becoming on some bright to
morrow, and the lowly frauds and clowns we are
to-day. No psychopathic problems engaged him; he
REFLECTIONS ON THE DRAMA 309
took love and ambition and revenge and braggadocio
as he found them. He held no clinics in dingy Nor
wegian apartment-houses: his field was Bohemia,
glorious Rome, the Egypt of the scene-painter, Ar-
cady. . . . But even Shakespeare, for all the vast
potency of his incomparable, his stupefying poetry,
could not long hold the talmudists out in front from
their search for invisible significances. Think of
all the tomes that have been written upon the pro
found and revolutionary "ideas" in the moony mus
ings of the diabetic sophomore, Hamlet von Dane-
mark!
XVIII. ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN
To Him that Hath
THE most valuable of all human possessions,
"next to a superior and disdainful air, is the
reputation of being well to do. Nothing
else so neatly eases one's way through life, especially
in democratic countries. There is in ninety-nine per
cent, of all democrats an irresistible impulse to
crook the knee to wealth, to defer humbly to the power
that goes with it, to see all sorts of high merits in
the man who has it, or is said to have it. True
enough, envy goes with the pliant neck, but it is envy
somehow purged of all menace: the inferior man is
afraid to do evil to the man with money in eight
banks ; he is even afraid to think evil of him — that is,
in any patent and offensive way. Against capital
as an abstraction he rants incessantly, and all of the
laws that he favors treat it as if it were criminal.
But in the presence of the concrete capitalist he is
singularly fawning. What makes him so is easy to
discern. He yearns with a great yearning for a
310
ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN 311
chance to tap the capitalist's purse, and he knows
very well, deep down in his heart, that he is too cra
ven and stupid to do it by force of arms. So he turns
to politeness, and tries to cajole. Give out the news
that one has just made a killing in the stock market,
or robbed some confiding widow of her dower, or
swindled the government in some patriotic enter
prise, and at once one will discover that one's shabbi-
ness is a charming eccentricity, and one's judgment
of wines worth hearing, and one's politics worthy of
attention and respect. The man who is thought to be
poor never gets a fair chance. No one wants to listen
to him. No one gives a damn what he thinks or
knows or feels. No one has any active desire for
his good opinion.
I discovered this principle early in life, and have
put it to use ever since. I have got a great deal more
out of men (and women) by having the name of
being a well-heeled fellow than I have ever got by
being decent to them, or by dazzling them with my
sagacity, or by hard industry, or by a personal beauty
that is singular and ineffable.
2
The Venerable Examined
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar
doctrine that age brings wisdom. It is my honest
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belief that I am no wiser to-day than I was five or
ten years ago; in fact, I often suspect that I am
appreciable less wise. Women can prevail over me
to-day by devices that would have made me hoof them
out of my studio when I was thirty-five. I am also
an easier mark for male swindlers than I used to be;
at fifty I'll probably be joining clubs and buying
Mexican mine stock. The truth is that every man
goes up-hill in sagacity to a certain point, and then
begins sliding down again. Nearly all the old
fellows that I know are more or less balmy. Theo
retically, they should be much wiser than younger
men, if only because of their greater experience, but
actually they seem to take on folly faster than they
take on wisdom. A man of thirty-five or thirty-eight
is almost woman-proof. For a woman to marry him -
is a herculean feat. But by the time he is fifty he is
quite as easy as a Yale sophomore. On other planes
the same decay of the intelligence is visible. Cer
tainly it would be difficult to imagine any committee
of relatively young men, of thirty or thirty-five, show
ing the unbroken childishness, ignorance and lack of
humor of the Supreme Court of the United States.
The average age of the learned justices must be well
beyond sixty, and all of them are supposed to be of
finished and mellowed sagacity. Yet their knowl
edge of the most ordinary principles of justice often
turns out to be extremely meager, and when they
ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN 313
spread themselves grandly upon a great case their
reasoning powers are usually found to be precisely
equal to those of a respectable Pullman conduc
tor.
Duty
Some of the loosest thinking in ethics has duty for
its theme. Practically all writers on the subject
agree that the individual owes certain unescapable
duties to the race — for example, the duty of engaging
in productive labor, and that of marrying and beget
ting offspring. In support of this position it is
almost always argued that if all men neglected such
duties the race would perish. The logic is hollow
enough to be worthy of the college professors who
are guilty of it. It simply confuses the convention
ality, the pusillanimity, the lack of imagination of
the majority of men with the duty of all men. There
is not the slightest ground .for assuming, even as a
matter of mere argumentation, that all men will ever
neglect these alleged duties. There will always
remain a safe majority that is willing to do whatever
is ordained — that accepts docilely the government it
is born under, obeys its laws, and supports its theory.
But that majority does not comprise the men who
render the highest and most intelligent services to the
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race; it comprises those who render nothing save
their obedience.
For the man who differs from this inert and well-
regimented mass, however slightly, there are no
duties per.se. What he is spontaneously inclined to
do is of vastly more value to all of us than what the
majority is willing to do. There is, indeed, no such
thing as duty-in-itself ; it is a mere chimera of
ethical theorists. Human progress is furthered, not
by conformity, but'by aberration. The very concept
of duty is thus a function of inferiority; it belongs
naturally only to timorous and incompetent men.
Even on such levels it remains largely a self-delu
sion, a soothing apparition, a euphemism for neces
sity. When a man succiimbs to duty he merely
succumbs to the habit and inclination of other men.
Their collective interests invariably pull against his
individual interests. Some of us can resist a pretty
strong pull — the pull, perhaps, of thousands. But it
is only the miraculous man who can withstand the
pull of a whole nation.
Martyrs
"History," says Henry Ford, "is bunk." I inscribe
myself among those who dissent from this doctrine;
nevertheless, I am often hauled up, in reading history,
ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN 315
by a feeling that I am among unrealities. In par
ticular, that feeling comes over me when I read
about the religious wars of the past — wars in which
thousands of men, women and children were butch
ered on account of puerile and unintelligible disputes
over transubstantiation, the atonement, and other such
metaphysical banshees. It does not surprise me that
the majority murdered the minority; the majority,
even to-day, does it whenever i£ is possible. What I
can't understand is that the minority went voluntarily
to the slaughter. Even in the worst persecutions
known to history — say, for example, those of the Jews
of Spain — it was always possible for a given member
of the minority to save his hide by giving public
assent to the religious notions of the majority. A
Jew who was willing to be baptized, in the reign of
Ferdinand and Isabella, was practically unmolested;
his descendants today are 100% Spaniards. Well,
then, why did so many Jews refuse? Why did so
many prefer to be robbed, exiled, and sometimes
murdered?
The answer given by philosophical historians is
that they were a noble people, and preferred death
to heresy. But this merely begs the question. Is
it actually noble to cling to a religious idea so tena
ciously? Certainly it doesn't seem so to me. After
all, no human being really knows anything about the
exalted matters with which all religions deal. The
316 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
most he can do is to match his private guess against
the guesses of his fellowmen. For any man to say
absolutely, in- such a field, that this or that is wholly
and irrefragably true and this or that is utterly false
is simply to talk nonsense. Personally, I have never
encountered a religious idea — and I do not except
even the idea of the existence of God — that was
instantly and unchallengeably convincing, as, say,
the Copernican astronomy is instantly and unchal
lengeably convincing. But neither have I ever en
countered a religious idea that could be dismissed off
hand as palpably and indubitably false. In even the
worst nonsense of such theological mountebanks as
the Rev. Dr. Billy Sunday, Brigham Young and Mrs.
Eddy there is always enough lingering plausibility,
or, at all events, possibility, to give the judicious
£ause. Whatever the weight of the probabilities,
against it, it nevertheless may be true that man, on his
decease, turns into a gaseous vertebrate, and that this
vertebrate, if its human larva has engaged in em
bezzlement, bootlegging, profanity or adultery on this
earth, will be boiled for a million years in a cauldron
of pitch. My private inclination, due to my defective
upbringing, is to doubt it, and to set down any one
who believes it as an ass, but it must be plain that I
have no means of disproving it.
In view of this uncertainty it seems to me sheer
vanity for any man to hold his religious views too
ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN 317
firmly, or to submit to any inconvenience on account
of them. It is far better, if they happen to offend,
to conceal them discreetly, or to change them amiably
as the delusions of the majority change. My own
views in this department, being wholly skeptical and
tolerant, are obnoxious to the subscribers to practi
cally all other views; even atheists sometimes
denounce me. At the moment, by an accident of
American political history, these dissenters from my
theology are forbidden to punish me for not agreeing
with them. But at any succeeding moment some
group or other among them may seize such power
and proceed against me in the immemorial manner.
If it ever happens, I give notice here and now that
I shall get converted to their nonsense instantly, and
so retire to safety with my right thumb laid against
my nose and my fingers waving like wheat in the
wind. I'd do it even to-day, if there were any prac
tical advantage in it. Offer me a case of Rauen-
thaler 1903, and I engage to submit to baptism by
any rite ever heard of, provided it does not expose
my gothic nakedness. Make it ten cases, and I'll
agree to be both baptized and confirmed. In such
matters I am broad-minded. What, after all, is one
more lie?
318 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
The Disabled Veteran
The science of psychological pathology is still in
its infancy. In all its literature in three languages,
I can't find a line about the permanent ill effects of
acute emotional diseases — say, for exarriple, love
affairs. The common assumption of the world is
that when a love affair is over it is over — that nothing
remains behind. This is probably grossly untrue.
It is my belief that every such experience leaves scars
upon my psyche, and that they are quite as plain and
quite as dangerous as the scars left on the neck by
a carbuncle. A man who has passed through a love
affair, even though he may eventually forget the
lady's very name, is never quite the same thereafter.
His scars may be small, but they are permanent.
The sentimentalist, exposed incessantly, ends as a
psychic cripple; he is as badly off as the man who
has come home from the wars with shell-shock. The
precise nature of the scars remains to be determined.
My own notion is that they take the form of large
yellow patches upon the self-esteem. Whenever a
man thinks of one of his dead love affairs, and in
particular whenever he allows his memory to dredge
up an image of the woman he loved, he shivers like
one taken in some unmanly and discreditable act.
ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN 319
Such shivers, repeated often enough, must inevitably
shake his inner integrity off its base. No man can
love, and yet remain truly proud. It is a disarming
and humiliating experience.
Patriotism
Patriotism is conceivable to a civilized man in
times of stress and storm, when his country is wob
bling and sore beset. His country then appeals to
him as any victim of misfortune appeals to him —
say, a street-walker pursued by the police. But when
it is safe, happy and prosperous it can only excite
his loathing. The things that make countries safe,
happy and prosperous — a secure peace, an active
trade, political serenity at home — are all intrinsi
cally corrupting and disgusting. It is as impossible
for a civilized man to love his country in good times
as it would be for him to respect a politician.
XIX. SUITE AMERICANE
Aspiration
POLICE sergeants praying humbly to God
that Jews will start poker-rooms on their
posts, and so enable them to educate their
eldest sons for holy orders. . . . Newspaper re
porters resolving firmly to work hard, keep sober
and be polite to the city editor, and so be rewarded
with jobs as copy-readers. . . . College professors
in one-building universities on the prairie, still hop
ing, at the age of sixty, to get their whimsical essays
into the Atlantic Monthly. . . . Car-conductors on
lonely suburban lines, trying desperately to save up
$500 and start a Ford garage. . . . Pastors of one-
horse little churches in decadent villages, who, when
ever they drink two cups of coffee at supper, dream
all night that they have been elected bishops. . . .
Movie actors who hope against hope that the next fan
letter will be from Bar Harbor. . . . Delicatessen
dealers who spend their whole lives searching for a
cheap substitute for the embalmed veal used in chick-
320
SUITE AMERICANS 321
en-salad. . . . Italians who wish that they were
Irish. . . . Mulatto girls in Georgia and Alabama
who send away greasy dollar bills for bottles of Mme.
Celestine's Infallible Hair-Straightener. . . . Ash
men who pull wires to be appointed superintendents
of city dumps, j . . Mothers who dream that the
babies in their cradles will reach, in the mysterious
after years, the highest chairs in the Red Men
and the Maccabees. . . . Farmers who figure that,
with good luck, they will be able to pay off their mort
gages by 1943. . . . Contestants for the standing
broad-jump championship of the Altoona, Pa., Y. M.
C. A. . . . Editorial writers who essay to prove
mathematically that a war between England and the
United States is unthinkable.
Virtue
Pale druggists in remote towns of the Epworth
League and flannel nightgown belts, endlessly wrap
ping up bottles of Peruna. . . . Women hidden away
in the damp kitchens of unpainted houses along the
railroad tracks, frying tough beefsteaks. . . . Lime
and cement dealers being initiated into the Knights of
Pythias, the Red Men or the Woodmen of the World.
. . . Watchmen at lonely railroad crossings in
Iowa, hoping that they'll be able to get off to hear
322 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
the United Brethren evangelist preach. . . . Ticket-
choppers in the subway, breathing sweat in its gas
eous form. . . . Family doctors in poor neighbor
hoods, faithfully relying upon the therapeutics taught
in their Eclectic Medical College in 1884. . . . Farm
ers plowing sterile fields behind sad meditative
horses, both suffering from the bites of insects. . . .
Greeks tending all-night coffee-joints in the suburban
wildernesses where the trolley-cars stop. . . . Groc
ery-clerks stealing prunes and ginger-snaps, and try
ing to make assignations with soapy servant-girls. . . .
Women confined for the ninth or tenth time, wonder
ing helplessly what it is all about. . . . Methodist
preachers retired after forty years of service in the
trenches of God, upon pensions of $600 a year. . . .
Wives and daughters of Middle Western country
bankers, marooned in Los Angeles, going trem
blingly to swami seances in dark, smelly rooms. . . .
Chauffeurs in huge fur coats waiting outside theaters
filled with folks applauding Robert Edeson and Jane
Cowl. . . . Decayed and hopeless men writing
editorials at midnight for leading papers in Mis
sissippi, Arkansas and Alabama. . . . Owners of the
principal candy-stores in Green River, Neb., and
Tyrone, Pa. . . . Presidents of one-building univer
sities in the rural fastnesses of Kentucky and Ten
nessee. . . . Women with babies in their arms weep
ing over moving-pictures in the Elks' Hall at Schmidts-
SUITE AMERICANS 323
ville, Mo. . . . Babies just born to the wives of
milk-wagon drivers. . . . Judges on the benches
of petty county courts in Virginia, Vermont and
Idaho. . . . Conductors of accommodation trains
running between Kokomo, Ind.. and Logansport. . . .
Eminence
The leading Methodist layman of Pottawattamie
county, Iowa. . . . The man who won the limerick
contest conducted by the Toomsboro, Ga., Banner.
. . . The secretary of the Little Rock, Ark., Kiwanis
Club. . . . The president of the Johann Sebastian
Bach Bauverein of Highlandtown, Md. . . . The girl
who sold the most Liberty Bonds in Duquesne,
Pa. . . . The captain of the champion basket-ball
team at the Gary, Ind., Y. M. C. A. . . . The man
who owns the best bull in Coosa county, Ala. . . .
The tallest man in Covington, Ky. . . . The oldest
subscriber to the Raleigh, N. C., News and Ob
server. . . . The most fashionable milliner in
Bucyrus, 0. ... The business agent of the Plas
terers' Union of Somerville, Mass. . . . The author
of the ode read at the unveiling of the monument to
General Robert E. Lee at Valdosta, Ga. . . . The
original Henry Cabot Lodge man. . . . The owner
of the champion Airedale of Buffalo, N, Y, . . . The
324 PREJUDICES: THIRD SERIES
first child named after the Hon. Warren Gamaliel
Harding. . . . The old lady in Wahoo, Neb., who
has read the Bible 38 times. . . . The boss who con
trols the Italian, Czecho-Slovak and Polish votes in
Youngstown, 0. ... The professor of chemistry,
Greek, rhetoric and piano at the Texas Christian
University, Fort Worth, Tex. . . . The boy who sells
225 copies of the Saturday Evening Post every week
in Cheyenne, Wyo. . . . The youngest murderer
awaiting hanging in Chicago. . . . The leading
dramatic critic of Pittsburgh. . . . The night watch
man in Penn Yan, N. Y., who once shook hands with
Chester A. Arthur. . . . The Lithuanian woman in
Bluefield, W. Va., who has had five sets of trip
lets. . . . The actor who has played in "Lightning"
1,600 times. . . . The best horsedoctor in Okla
homa. . . . The highest-paid church-choir soprano
in Knoxville, Tenn. . . . The most eligible bachelor
in Cheyenne, Wyo. . . . The engineer of the loco
motive which pulled the train which carried the Hon.
A. Mitchell Palmer to the San Francisco Conven
tion. . . . The girl who got the most votes in the
popularity contest at Egg Harbor, N. J. . . .
INDEX
Adam, Villiers de ride, 73
Adams, Henry, 162
Addams, Jane, 218
Addison, Joseph, 148
Blunt, Wilfrid Scawen, 38, 48,
49
Bohlau, Helene, 203
Bolshevism, 55, 112, 194
American Legion, 18, 49, 194, Boston Transcript, 144
256
Bottomley, Horace, 48
American Protective League, 141 Boyd, Ernest A., 41
Annabel Lee, 94
Brady, Diamond Jim, 109
Anti-Saloon League, 11, 18, 32, Brahms, Johannes, 17, 67, 69, 75,
229
Arnold, Matthew, 87, 92
Asch, Sholom, 42
Asquith, Mrs., 33
Astor, Lady, 34
Atlantic Monthly, 320
Augier, Emile, 301
Bach, J. S., 91, 143
Baker, Newton D, 218
Balfour, A. J., 21, 32
Baltimore Sun, 38
Balzac, H., 17
Barton, William E., 171
Beerbohm, Max, 77
81, 107, 143, 248
Brandes, Georg, 41, 75
Brieux, Eugene, 40, 306
Browning, Robert, 154, 161
Bryan, William Jennings, 20, 29,
54, 59, 119, 129, 174, 213
Bryce, James, 32, 142
Burleson, A. S., 144
Butler, Nicholas Murray, 63, 213
Cabell, James Branch, 107, 148,
204, 206
Capitalism, 56
Carlyle, Thomas, 39, 87, 92, 95,
290
Beethoven, Ludwig van, 17, 85, Gather, Willa, 203, 204, 209
95, 99, 121, 143, 165, 191, 204, Catt, Carrie Chapman, 218
290
Belasco, David, 67
Bennett, Arnold, 188, 202, 204
Benson, Admiral, 136, 137
Bentham, Jeremy, 285
Berliner Tageblatt, 42
Berlioz, Hector, 66
Cawein, Madison, 179 ff.
Cezanne, Paul, 66, 75
Chamberlain, Joseph, 48
Chopin, F., 66, 69
Churchill, Winston, 48
Cicero, 148
Civil War, 43, 52, 112
Bible, 62, 97, 131, 148, 168, 194 Clemenceau, Georges, 42
Bierbaum, Otto Julius, 35
Birkenhead, Lord, 33, 48
Bismarck, Otto von, 30, 290
325
Clemens, Samuel L., 76, 94, 187
Glutton-Brock, A., 33, 70
Congress, 20, 32, 140
326 INDEX
Congressional Record, 63
Conrad, Joseph, 17, 91, 203
Constitution, U. S., 134, 292
Coolidge, Calvin, 53
Cooper, J. Fenirnore, 34
Cox, James M., 60
Crane, Frank, 53, 213
Creel, George, 141
Criticism, 84 ff.
Curtis, Cyrus K., 53, 183
D'Annunzio, Gabrielle, 67
Darwin, Charles, 19, 129, 161
Dawes, Rufus, 99
Debs, Eugene, 24
Declaration of Independence, 166
Dempsey, Jack, 24, 58
Dillon, Dr., 38
Disarmament Treaty, 29, 56
Dixie, 94
Dreiser, Theodore, 66, 85, 86,
107, 187, 203, 204, 210
Dryden, John, 166
Dumas, Alexandre fils, 300
Dunsany, Lord, 148
Duse, Eleanors, 67
Dvorak, Antonin, 43, 67
Edwards, Jonathan, 176
Ehrlich, Paul, 144
Ellis, Havelock, 189 ff.
Emerson, R. W., 39
Faust, 94
Finck, Henry T., 69
Flower, B. O., 218
Foch, Ferdinand, 55
Ford, Henry, 314
France, Anatole, 17, 41, 148
Franklin^ Fabian, 177, 214
Freud, Sigmund, 158
Gale, Zona, 209
Galileo, 19
Garland, Hamlin, 218
Garrett, Garet, 279
George, W. L., 42
Gilman, Daniel, C., 162
Goethe, J. W., 17, 35, 39, 87,
92, 94, 140, 290
Goldmarck, Karl, 204
Gorky, Maxim, 43
Gounod, Charles, 67
Gourmont, Remy de, 19
Grant, U. S., 31, 133
Greenwich Village, 12, 17
Hamilton, Alexander, 28, 117
Hamlet, 94
Hamsun, Knut, 42
Harding, W. G., 11, 53, 60, 63,
146
Harris, Frank, 69, 164, 182 ff.
Hartleben, O. E., 40
Harvey, George B., 63
Hauptmann, Gerhart, 41, 303
Hazlitt, William, 87, 95
Heart of Darkness, 163, 188
Hergesheimer, Joseph, 202
Hillis, Newell Dwight, 144
Hofmannsthal, Hugo von, 35
Howells, William Dean, 67, 72
Huch, Ricarda, 203
Huckleberry Finn, 94
Hughes, Charles E., 53, 57
Huneker, James G., 65 ff,
Huxley, T. H., 129, 148, 162, 191,
242
Huysmans, J. K., 40, 73
Ibsen, Henrik, 41, 67, 75, 206,
301 ff.
Iconoclasts, 70
Intellectuals, Young, 9, 10
Irving, Washington, 34
Jackson, Andrew, 28, 29, 31
James, Henry, 12,' 20
Jefferson, Thomas, 28, 166
Jespersen, Otto, 146
Jordan, David Starr, 218
Josef's Legend, 68
Kerr, Alfred, 40
INDEX
Kipling, Rudyard, 156, 157, 191, Mobile Register, 144
327
206
Klebs, Edwin, 43
Moody, John, 279
Moore, George, 67, 14S, 187
Knights of Pythias, 36, 137, 247, More, Paul Elmer, 21, 70, 104,
253, 259, 321
Know Nothings, 26
Krehbiel, Henry, 69
176 ff.
Morgan, J. Pierpont, 20, 30, 115
Miiiier, Johannes, 144
Ku Klux Klan, 11, 18, 26, 32, Murray, Gilbert. 190
49, 138, 184, 194, 201
•Kiirnberger, Ferdinand, 42
Lagerlof, Selma, 203
Lanier, Sidney, 152
Lee, Robert E., 20, 44
Lewes, George Henry, 87
Lewisohn. Ludwig, 41
Lincoln, Abraham, 20, 166, 171
ff.
Lindsey, Ben B., 218
Liszt, Franz. 66
Lloyd-George, David, 32, 45, 110,
119, 190
Lodge, Henry Cabot, 57, 323
Lodge, Oliver, 131, 189
London Times, 36. 184
Lowell, James Russell, 34, 87
Lowes, J. L., 167
Ludwig, Karl, 144, 242
Luther, Martin, 131
Lyly, John, 166
Mabie, Hamilton Wright, 104
Macaulay, T. B., 87, 92, 148
Mann, Thomas, 35
March, General, 136, 137
Marden, Orison Swett, 301
Marlowe, Christopher, 152
Martial, 61
Masefield. John, 42
Mendelssohn, Felix, 17
Meredith, George, 204
Methodists, 25, 26, 32, 36, 74,
172, 280
Mill, J. S, 285
Miller, Joaquin. 152
Milton, John, 89
Mile. New York, 77
Murry, Middleton, 70
Musical Courier, 77
Nathan, George Jean, 41
National Institute of Arts and
Letters, 81, 184
National Security League, 140
Nearing, Scott, 218, 282, 287
New Republic, 144, 176
New York Evening Journal, 63,
178
New York Sun, 77
New York Times, 36, 77, 88,
144, 184, 213, 257
New York Tribune, 142, 144
Nicoll, Robertson, 33
Nietzsche, F. W., 41, 66, 69, 72,
75, 129, 148, 278, 287, 290
Northcliffe, Lord, 49
Ochs, Adolph S., 177, 183, 214
Odd Fellows, 26, 137, 247
Old Fogy, 69, 70, 71
Othello, 151
Painted Veils, 69, 70, 71
Palmer, A. Mitchell, 144, 324
Parsifal, 94
Pershing, John J., 21, 24, 135,
138
Philadelphia Ledger, 144
Pinchot, Gifford, 218
Pirquet, Clemens von, 42
Plato. 85
Poe, Edgar Allan, 71, 94, 99,
103. 152
Poetry, 146 ff., 205
Pound. Ezra, 12
Prescott, F. C, 153
328 INDEX
Puck, 77
Reading, Lord, 21, 48
Red Cross, American, 46
Reed, James A., 228
Reese, Lizette Woodworth, 159
Reventlow, Count zu, 38
Ricardo, David, 285
Roosevelt, Theodore, 54, 80, 119,
183
Roosevelt, Theodore, Jr., 57, 63
Root, Elihu, 57
Rops, Felicien, 107
Rosetti, Christina, 156
Rotary Club, 11, 194, 201, 255
Rothert, Otto A., 179
Russell, Bertrand, 190
Russell, Lillian, 67
St. Augustine, 131
Sainte-Beuve, C. A., 87, 92
St. John, 131
Santanyana, George, 42
Saturday Evening Post, 19
Schmidt, Annalise, 42
Schubert, Franz, 151
Schumann, Robert, 17, 151
Schwab, Charles M., 19
Scott, Evelyn, 203
Scribner's, Charles, Sons, 69
Seidl, Anton, 66
Senate, U. S., 63
Serao, Mathilda, 203
Shakespeare, William, 17, 94,
164, 165, 170, 185, 262
Shaw, George, Bernard, 40, 66,
129, 164, 303 ff.
Sheik, The, 163
Sherman, S. P., 177
Sienkiewicz, Henryk, 42
Sims, Admiral, 136, 137
Sinclair, May, 203
Sinclair Upton, 204, 209, 213 ff.
Smith, Adam, 279
Sousa, J. P., 134
Spencer, Herbert, 129, 162, 248,
292
Stael, Mme. de, 203
Stearns, Harold, 12
Steed, Wickham, 38
Steeplejack, 79
Strauss, Richard, 17, 68, 69, 75,
143, 170
Strindberg, August, 306
Sumner, William G., 162, 242
Sunday, William A., 53, 59, 316
Supreme Court of the United
States, 10, 11, 295, 297 ff.
Swedenborg, Emanuel, 131
Swinburne, A. C., 114, 152, 156,
157, 166
Taft, William H., 53
Thoma, Ludwig, 35
Thompson, Francis, 156
Thoreau, H. D., 118
Town Topics, 34
Tumulty, J. P., 45
Underwood, Oscar, 57
U'Ren, W. S., 218
Van Dyke, Henry, 144
Verlaine, Paul, 73
Viebig, Clara, 203
Vigilantes, 144, 184
Volstead, Andrew, 24
Wagner, Cosima, 66
Wagner, Richard. 17, 66, 73, 91,
107, 143, 290
Washington, George, 28
Wassermann, Jacob, 204
Weber, Gottfried, 99
Wedekind, Frank, 43
Wells, H. G., 204
Wesley, John, 173
Whitman, Walt, 67, 171
Wilson, Woodrow, 20, 21, 33, 48,
53, 110, 126, 140, 183, 208, 213
Wolsogen, Ernst von, 42
Wood, James N., 53
Wood, Leonard A., 53
Woodberry, George E., 103
Yeats, W. B., 156
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