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Full text of "Princess Ida; or, Castle Adamant"


V 





PRINCESS IDA 




PRINCESS IDA 



Uniform edition. With Special Decorated Cover, 
and % full-page Colour-Plates by W. RUSSELL 
FLINT. Price ST. 6d. net each. 

THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE 

PATIENCE 

IOLANTHE 

PRINCESS IDA 

THE MIKADO 

RUDDIGORE 

THE YEOMEN OF THE GUARD 

THE GONDOLIERS 



IF IT BE WELL TO DROOP AND PINE AND MOPE, 
TO SIGH 'OH, IDA! IDA!' ALL DAY LONG, 
THEN PRINCE HILARION IS VERY WELL" 

(P- 33) 



THE GEORGE E. LASK COLLECTION 



PRINCESS IDA 

OR 

CASTLE ADAMANT 



BY 

W. S. GILBERT 

WITH COLOURED ILLUSTRATIONS BY 

W. RUSSELL FLINT 




LONDON 

G. BELL AND SONS, LTD, 

1912 



CHISWICK PRESS: CHARLES WHITTINGHAM AND CO. 
TOOKS COURT, CHANCERY LANE, LONDON. 



LIST OF COLOUR PLATES 



" IF IT BE WELL TO DROOP AND PINE AND MOPE, 

To SIGH ' OH, IDA! IDA! ' ALL DAY LONG, 
THEN PRINCE HILARION is VERY WELL " 

Frontispiece 

" I CAN TELL A WOMAN'S AGE IN HALF A MINUTE 
AND I DO" 

" MUST WE, TILL THEN, IN PRISON CELL BE 
THRUST? " 

ENTER THE PRINCESS, READING 

ENTER THE " DAUGHTERS OF THE PLOUGH," 
BEARING LUNCHEON 

THE GATE YIELDS. HILDEBRAND AND SOLDIERS 
RUSH IN 

"THOUGH I AM BUT A GIRL, 
DEFIANCE THUS I HURL " 

" WHERE ARE YOUR RIFLES, PRAY? " 



2013894 



Produced at the Savoy TJieatre, Saturday, $th January, 1884. 



DRAMATIS PERSONAE 

KING HILDEBRAND MR. RUTLAND BARRINGTON 

HILARION (his Son) MR. H. BRACY 

CYRIL 1 / __*. fMR. DURWARD LELY 

\ (Hilanons Friends) \ ,. 

FLORIAN) v (MR. CHAS. RYLEY 

KING GAMA MR. GEORGE GROSSMITH 

ARAC 1 | MR. RICHARD TEMPLE 

GURON \ (his Sons) -! MR. WARWICK GRAY 

SCYNTHIUsJ (MR. LUGG 

PRINCESS IDA (Gama's Daughter) Miss LEONORA BRAHAM 

LADY BLANCHE (Professor of Abstract Science) . Miss BRANDRAM 
LADY PSYCHE (Professor of Humanities) . . . Miss KATE CHARD 
MELISSA (Lady Blanche's Daughter) .... Miss JESSIE BOND 

SACHARISSA^J f Miss SYBIL GREY 

CHLOE j- (Girl Graduates) -I Miss HEATHCOTE 

ADA [MISS LILIAN CARR 

SOLDIERS, COURTIERS, " GIRL GRADUATES," " DAUGHTERS OF THE PLOUGH," ETC. 

ACT I ... Pavilion in King Hildebrand's Palace (Emden) 
ACT II . . Gardens of Castle Adamant (Hawes Craven) 
ACT III . . Courtyard of Castle Adamant (Emden) 



PRINCESS IDA 

OR 

CASTLE ADAMANT 
ACT I 

SCENE. Pavilion attached to KING HILDEBRAND'S Palace. Soldiers 
and Courtiers discovered looking out through opera glasses, 
telescopes, etc., FLORIAN leading. 

CHORUS 

Search throughout the panorama 
For a sign of royal Gama, 

Who to-day should cross the water 
With his fascinating daughter 
Ida is her name. 

Some misfortune evidently 

Has detained them consequently 
Search throughout the panorama 
For the daughter of King Gama, 
Prince Hilarion's flame! 

SOLO 

Flor. Will Prince Hilarion's hopes be sadly blighted? 
All. Who can tell? 

Flor. Will Ida break the vows that she has plighted? 
All. Who can tell? 

Flor. Will she back out, and say she did not mean them? 
All. Who can tell? 

Flor. If so, there'll be the deuce to pay between them! 

i B 



2 PRINCESS IDA 

AIL No no we'll not despair, 

For Gama would not dare 
To make a deadly foe 
Of Hildebrand, and so, 
Search throughout the panorama, etc. 



Enter KING HILDEBRAND with CYRIL 

Hild. See you no sign of Gama? 

Flor. None, my liege! 

Hild. It 's very odd indeed. If Gama fail 

To put in an appearance at our Court 

Before the sun has set in yonder West, 

And fail to bring the Princess Ida here 

To whom our son Hilarion was betrothed 

At the extremely early age of one, 

There's war between King Gama and ourselves! 

[Aside to CYRIL.] Oh Cyril, how I dread this interview! 

It 's twenty years since he and I have met. 

He was a twisted monster all awry 

As though dame Nature, angry with her work, 

Had crumpled it in fitful petulance! 
Cyr. But, sir, a twisted and ungainly trunk 

Often bears goodly fruit Perhaps he was 

A kind, well-spoken gentleman? 
Hild. Oh, no! 

For, adder-like, his sting lay in his tongue. 

(His " sting" is present, though his "stung" is past.) 
Flor. [Looking through glass.] But stay, my liege; o'er yonder 
mountain's brow 

Comes a small body, bearing Gama's arms; 

And now I look more closely at it, sir, 

I see attached to it King Gama's legs ; 

From which I gather this corollary 

That that small body must be Gama's own. 
Hild. Ha! Is the Princess with him? 

Well, my liege, 

Unless her highness is full six feet high, 



PRINCESS IDA 

And wears moustachios too and smokes cigars 
And rides en cavalier in coat of steel 
I do not think she is. 
Hild. One never knows. 

She 's a strange girl, I've heard, and does odd things! 

Come, bustle there! 

For Gama place the richest robes we own 

For Gama place the coarsest prison dress 

For Gama let our best spare bed be aired 

For Gama let our deepest dungeon yawn 

For Gama lay the costliest banquet out 

For Gama place cold water and dry bread! 

For as King Gama brings the Princess here, 

Or brings her not, so shall King Gama have 

Much more than everything much less than nothing! 



SONG AND CHORUS 

Hild. Now hearken to my strict command 

On every hand, on every hand 



CHORUS 

To your command, 
On every hand, 
We dutifully bow! 



Hild. If Gama bring the Princess here 

Give him good cheer, give him good cheer. 

CHORUS 

If she come here 
We'll give him a cheer, 
And we will show you how. 
Hip, hip, hurrah! hip, hip, hurrah! 
Hip, hip, hurrah! hip, hip, hurrah! 
We'll shout and sing 
Long live the King, 
And his daughter, too, I trow! 



4 PRINCESS IDA 

Then shout ha! ha! hip, hip, hurrah! 
For the fair Princess and her good papa, 

Hip, hip, hurrah! 

Hip, hip, hurrah! 
Hip, hip, hurrah! hurrah! 

Hild. But if he fail to keep his troth, 

Upon our oath, we'll trounce them both! 

CHORUS 

He'll trounce them both, 
Upon his oath. 
As sure as quarter day! 

Hild. We'll shut him up in a dungeon cell, 

And toll his knell on a funeral bell. 

CHORUS 

From dungeon cell, 
His funeral knell, 
Shall strike him with dismay! 
And we'll shout ha! ha! hip, hip, hurrah! 
Hip, hip, hurrah! hip, hip, hurrah! 
As up we string, 
The faithless King, 
In the old familiar way! 
We'll shout ha! ha! hip, hip, hurrah! 
As we make an end of her false papa. 
Hip, hip, hurrah! 
Hip, hip, hurrah! 
Hip, hip, hurrah! hurrah! 

[Exeunt all. 



Enter HILARION 

RECIT. 
Hil. To-day we meet, my baby bride and I 

But ah, my hopes are balanced by my fears! 
What transmutations have been conjured by 
The silent alchemy of twenty years! 



PRINCESS IDA 

BALLAD 
Hil, Ida was a twelvemonth old, 

Twenty years ago! 
I was twice her age, I'm told, 

Twenty years ago! 
Husband twice as old as wife 
Argues ill for married life 
Baleful prophecies were rife, 
Twenty years ago! 

Still, I was a tiny prince 

Twenty years ago. 
She has gained upon me, since 

Twenty years ago. 
Though she 's twenty-one, it 's true, 
I am barely twenty-two 
False and foolish prophets you, 

Twenty years ago! 

Enter HILDEBRAND 

Hil. Well, father, is there news for me at last? 

Hild. King Gama is in sight, but much I fear 

With no Princess! 
Hil. Alas, my liege, I've heard 

That Princess Ida has forsworn the world, 

And, with a band of women, shut herself 

Within a lonely country house, and there 

Devotes herself to stern philosophies! 
Hild. Then I should say the loss of such a wife 

Is one to which a reasonable man 

Would easily be reconciled. 
Hil. Oh, no! 

Or I am not a reasonable man. 

She is my wife has been for twenty years! 

{Looking through glass. \ I think I see her now! 
Hild. Ha! let me look! 

Hil. In my mind's eye, I mean a blushing bride, 

All bib and tucker, frill and furbelow! 



PRINCESS IDA 

How exquisite she looked, as she was borne, 
Recumbent, in her foster-mother's arms! 
How the bride wept nor would be comforted 
Until the hireling mother-for-the-nonce, 
Administered refreshment in the vestry! 
And I remember feeling much annoyed 
That she should weep at marrying with me. 
But then I thought, "These brides are all alike. 
You cry at marrying me? How much more cause 
You'd have to cry if it were broken off ! " 
These were my thoughts ; I kept them to myself, 
For at that age I had not learnt to speak. 



Enter Courtiers, with CYRIL and FLORIAN 

CHORUS 

From the distant panorama 
Come the sons of royal Gama. 

Who, to-day, should cross the water 
With his fascinating daughter 
Ida is her name! 



Enter ARAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS 

SONG 

Arac. We are warriors three. 

Sons of Gama, Rex. 
Like most sons are we, 
Masculine in sex. 

All Three. Yes, yes, 

Masculine in sex. 
Arac. Politics we bar, 

They are not our bent; 
On the whole we are 

Not intelligent. 
All Three. No, no, 

Not intelligent. 



PRINCESS IDA 

A rac. But with doughty heart, 

And with trusty blade 
We can play our part 
Fighting is our trade. 
All Three. Yes, yes, 

Fighting is our trade. 
All Three. Bold, and fierce, and strong, ha! ha! 

For a war we burn, 
With its right or wrong, ha! ha! 

We have no concern. 
Order comes to fight, ha! ha! 

Order is obeyed : 
We are men of might ha! ha! 
Fighting is our trade. 

Yes yes, 

Fighting is our trade, ha! ha! 
Fighting is our trade. 

CHORUS 

They are men of might, ha! ha I 
Order comes to fight, ha! ha! 
Order is obeyed, ha! ha! 
Fighting is their trade! 

Enter KING GAMA 

SONG GAMA 

If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am, 
I'm a genuine philanthropist all other kinds are sham. 
Each little fault of temper and each social defect 
In my erring fellow creatures, I endeavour to correct. 
To all their little weaknesses I open people's eyes 
And little plans to snub the self-sufficient I devise: 
I love my fellow creatures I do all the good I can 
Yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man! 
And I can't think why! 

To compliments inflated I've a withering reply, 
And vanity I always do my best to mortify ; 



8 PRINCESS IDA 

A charitable action I can skilfully dissect; 
And interested motives I'm delighted to detect; 
I know everybody's income and what everybody earns; 
And I carefully compare it with the income-tax returns; 
But to benefit humanity however much I plan, 
Yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man! 
And I can't think why! 

I'm sure I'm no ascetic; I'm as pleasant as can be; 
You'll always find me ready with a crushing repartee; 
I've an irritating chuckle, I've a celebrated sneer, 
I've an entertaining snigger, I've a fascinating leer. 
To everybody's prejudice I know a thing or two; 
I can tell a woman's age in half a minute and I do. 
But although I try to make myself as pleasant as I can, 
Yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man! 
And I can't think why! 

Gama. So this is Castle Hildebrand? Well, well! 

Dame Rumour whispered that the place was grand : 

She told me that your taste was exquisite, 

Superb, unparalleled! 

Hild. [Gratified.] Oh, really, king! 

Gama. But she's a liar! Why, how old you've grown! 

Is this Hilarion? Why, you've changed too 

You were a singularly handsome child! 
[To FLORIAN.] Are you a courtier? Come then, ply your trade, 

Tell me some lies. How do you like your king? 

Vile rumour says he 's all but imbecile. 

Now, that 's not true? 
Flo. My lord, we love our king, 

His wise remarks are valued by his court 

As precious stones. 
Gama. And for the self-same cause, 

Like precious stones, his sensible remarks 

Derive their value from their scarcity! 

Come now, be honest, tell the truth for once! 

Tell it of me. Come, come, I'll harm you not. 

This leg is crooked this foot is ill-designed 

This shoulder wears a hump! Come, out with it! 



I CAN TELL A WOMAN'S AGE IN HALF A MINUTE 
AND I DO" 

(P. 8) 



PRINCESS IDA 

Look, here 's my face ! Now, am I not the worst 

Of Nature's blunders? 
Cyril. Nature never errs. 

To those who know the workings of your mind, 

Your face and figure, sir, suggest a book 

Appropriately bound. 
Gama. [Enraged.] Why, harkye, sir, 

How dare you bandy words with me? 
Cyril. No need, 

To bandy aught that appertains to you. 
Gama. [Furiously.] Do you permit this, king? 
Hild. We are in doubt 

Whether to treat you as an honoured guest, 

Or as a traitor knave who plights his word, 

And breaks it. 
Gama. [Quickly.] If the casting vote's with me, 

I give it for the former! 
Hild. We shall see. 

By the terms of our contract, signed and sealed, 

You're bound to bring the Princess here to-day: 

Why is she not with you? 
Gama. Answer me this : 

What think you of a wealthy purse-proud man, 

Who, when he calls upon a starving friend, 

Pulls out his gold and flourishes his notes, 

And flashes diamonds in the pauper's eyes? 

What name have you for such a one? 
Hild. A snob. 

Gama. Just so. The girl has beauty, virtue, wit, 

Grace, humour, wisdom, charity, and pluck. 

Would it be kindly, think you, to parade 

These brilliant qualities before your eyes? 

Oh no, King Hildebrand, I am no snob! 
Hild. [Furiously.] Stop that tongue, 

Or you shall lose the monkey head that holds it! 
Gama. Bravo! your king deprives me of my head, 

That he and I may meet on equal terms! 
Hild. Where is she now? 
Gama. In Castle Adamant, 

c 



10 



PRINCESS IDA 



One of my many country houses. 

She rules a woman's University, 

With full a hundred girls, who learn of her. 

Cyril. A hundred girls! A hundred ecstacies! 

Gama. But no mere girls, my good young gentleman! 
With all the college learning that you boast, 
The youngest there will prove a match for you. 

Cyril. With all my heart, if she 's the prettiest! 

[To FLO.] Fancy, a hundred matches all alight! 
That's if I strike them as I hope to do! 

Gama. Despair your hope; their hearts are dead to men. 
He who desires to gain their favour must 
Be qualified to strike their teeming brains, 
And not their hearts. They're safety matches, sir, 
And they light only on the knowledge box 
So you've no chance! 

Flo. Are there no males whatever in those walls? 

Gama. None, gentlemen, excepting letter mails 
And they are driven (as males often are 
In other large communities) by women. 
Why, bless my heart, she 's so particular 
She'll scarcely suffer Dr. Watts's hymns 
And all the animals she owns are " hers "! 
The ladies rise at cockcrow every morn 

Cyril. Ah, then they have male poultry? 

Gama. [Confidentially.] Not at all, 

The Growing's done by an accomplished hen! 



Gama. 



All. 



DUET 

Perhaps if you address the lady 
Most politely, most politely 
Flatter and impress the lady, 

Most politely, most politely 
Humbly beg and humbly sue 
She may deign to look on you, 
But your doing you must do 
Most politely, most politely! 

Humbly beg and humbly sue, etc. 



PRINCESS IDA i, 

Hild. Go you, and inform the lady, 

Most politely, most politely, 
If she don't, we'll storm the lady, 

Most politely, most politely! 
[To GAMA.] You'll remain as hostage here: 

Should Hilarion disappear, 
We will hang you, never fear, 
Most politely, most politely! 
r He'll 1 
All. \ I'll I remain as hostage here, etc. 

lYou'llJ 

[GAMA, ARAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS are marched off 
in custody, HILDEBRAND following. 

RECIT. 
Hit. Come, Cyril, Florian, our course is plain 

To-morrow morn fair Ida we'll engage; 
But we will use no force her love to gain, 
Nature has armed us for the war we wage! 

TRIO 

Hil. Expressive glances 

Shall be our lances, 

And pops of Sillery 
Our light artillery. 
We'll storm their bowers 
With scented showers 
Of fairest flowers 

That we can buy! 

CHORUS 

Oh dainty triolet! 
Oh fragrant violet! 
Oh gentle heigho-let 

(Or little sigh) 
On sweet urbanity, 
Though mere inanity, 
To touch their vanity 

We will rely! 



12 PRINCESS IDA 

Cyr. When day is fading, 

With serenading 

And such frivolity 
We'll prove our quality. 
A sweet profusion 
Of soft allusion 
This bold intrusion 
Shall justify. 

CHORUS 
Oh dainty triolet, etc. 

Flo. We'll charm their senses 

With verbal fences, 

With ballads amatory 
And declamatory. 
And little heeding 
Their pretty pleading 
Our love exceeding 
We'll justify! 

CHORUS 
Oh dainty triolet, etc. 



Re-enter GAMA, ARAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS heavily ironed 

RECIT. 

Gama. Must we, till then, in prison cell be thrust? 
Hild. You must! 

Gama. This seems unnecessarily severe! 
Arac, Guron, and Scynthius. Hear, hear! 

TRIO ARAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS 
For a month to dwell 
In a dungeon cell; 

Growing thin and wizen 

In a solitary prison, 
Is a poor look out 
For a soldier stout, 



"MUST WE, TILL THEN, IN PRISON CELL BE THRUST?" 

(P. 12) 



PRINCESS IDA I3 

Who is longing for the rattle 

Of a complicated battle 
For the rum-tum-tum 
Of the military drum, 

And the guns that go boom ! boom ! 

AIL Boom! boom! boom! boom! 

Rum-tummy-tummy-tum ! 
Boom! boom! 

Hild. When Hilarion's bride 

Has at length complied 

With the just conditions 

Of our requisitions, 
You may go in haste 
And indulge your taste 

For the fascinating rattle 

Of a complicated battle 
For the rum-tum-tum, 
Of the military drum, 

And the guns that go boom ! boom I 

All. Boom-boom, etc. 

AIL But till that time j we J 1 \ here remain, 

I you 11 ) 

And bail j y 1 will not entertain, 
I we j 

Should she -j 1S j- mandate disobey, 
-! __ u > lives the penalty will pay ! 
[GAMA, ARAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS are marched off. 

END OF ACT I 



14 PRINCESS IDA 



ACT II 

Gardens in Castle Adamant. A river runs across the back of the 
stage, crossed by a rustic bridge. Castle Adamant in the 
distance. 

Girl graduates discovered seated at the feet O/"LADY PSYCHE. 

CHORUS 
Towards the empyrean heights 

Of every kind of lore, 
We've taken several easy flights, 

And mean to take some more. 
In trying to achieve success 

No envy racks our heart, 
And all the knowledge we possess, 

We mutually impart. 

SOLO 

Mel. Pray what authors should she read 

Who in Classics would succeed? 

Psy. If you'd cross the Helicon, 

You should read Anacreon, 
Ovid's Metamorphoses, 
Likewise Aristophanes, 
And the works of Juvenal : 
These are worth attention, all ; 
But, if you will be advised, 
You will get them Bowdlerizeu! 

CHORUS 

Yes, we'll do as we're advised, 
We will get them Bowdlerized ! 



PRINCESS IDA 15 

SOLO 
Sack. Pray you tell us, if you can, 

What's the thing that's known as Man? 

Psy. Man will swear and Man will storm 

Man is not at all good form 
Man is of no kind of use 
Man 's a donkey Man 's a goose 
Man is coarse and Man is plain 
Man is more or less insane 
Man 's a ribald, Man 's a rake, 
Man is Nature's sole mistake! 

CHORUS 

We'll a memorandum make 
Man is Nature's sole mistake ! 

And thus to empyrean height 

Of every kind of lore, 
In search of wisdom's pure delight, 

Ambitiously we soar. 
In trying to achieve success 

No envy racks our heart, 
For all we know and all we guess, 

We mutually impart! 

Enter LADY BLANCHE. All stand tip demurely 

Bla. Attention, ladies, while I read to you 

The Princess Ida's list of punishments. 

The first is Sacharissa. She 's expelled ! 
All. Expelled ! 
Bla. Expelled, because although she knew 

No man of any kind may pass our walls, 

She dared to bring a set of chessmen here ! 
Sack. [Crying.} I meant no harm; they're only men of wood! 
Bla. They're men with whom you give each other mate, 

And that 's enough! The next is Chloe. 
Chloe. . Ah! 

Bla. Chloe will lose three terms, for yesterday, 



16 PRINCESS IDA 

When looking through her drawing-book, I found 

A sketch of a perambulator ! 
All. [Horrified.} Oh! 

Bla. Double perambulator, shameless girl! 

That 's all at present. Now, attention, pray ! 

Your Principal the Princess comes to give 

Her usual inaugural address 

To those young ladies who joined yesterday. 

Enter the PRINCESS 

CHORUS 

Mighty maiden with a mission! 
Paragon of common sense! 
Running fount of erudition! 

Miracle of eloquence! 
We are blind, and we would see; 
We are bound, and would be free; 
We are dumb, and we would talk; 
We are lame, and we would walk. 
Mighty maiden with a mission! 
Paragon of common sense! 
Running fount of erudition! 
Miracle of eloquence ! 

Prin. {Recit.} Minerva! hear me: 

ARIA 
At this my call, 

A fervent few 

Have come to woo 
The rays that from thee fall. 

Oh, goddess wise 

That lovest light, 
Endow with sight 
Their unillumined eyes. 

Let fervent words and fervent thoughts be mine, 
That I may lead them to thy sacred shrine ! 



PRINCESS IDA 17 

Women of Adamant, fair Neophytes 

Who thirst for such instruction as we give, 

Attend, while I unfold a parable. 

The elephant is mightier than Man, 

Yet Man subdues him. Why? The elephant 

Is elephantine everywhere but here [tapping her forehead], 

And Man, whose brain is to the elephant's 

As Woman's brain to Man's (that 's rule of three) 

Conquers the foolish giant of the woods, 

As Woman, in her turn, shall conquer Man. 

In Mathematics, Woman leads the way 

The narrow-minded pedant still believes 

That two and two make four ! Why we can prove, 

We women household drudges as we are 

That two and two make five or three or seven ; 

Or five and twenty, if the case demands! 

Diplomacy? The wiliest diplomat 

Is absolutely helpless in our hands ; 

He wheedles monarchs woman wheedles him ! 

Logic ? Why, tyrant Man himself admits 

It 's waste of time to argue with a woman ! 

Then we excel in social qualities : 

Though Man professes that he holds our sex 

In utter scorn, I venture to believe 

He'd rather spend the day with one of you, 

Than with five hundred of his fellow men ! 

In all things we excel. Believing this, 

A hundred maidens here have sworn to place 

Their feet upon his neck. If we succeed, 

We'll treat him better than he treated us: 

But if we fail, why then let hope fail too ! 

Let no one care a penny how she looks 

Let red be worn with yellow blue with green 

Crimson with scarlet violet with blue! 

Let all your things misfit, and you yourselves 

At inconvenient moments come undone ! 

Let hair-pins lose their virtue : let the hook 

Disdain the fascination of the eye 

The bashful button modestly evade 

D 



i8 PRINCESS IDA 

The soft embraces of the button-hole ! 
Let old associations all dissolve, 
Let Swan secede from Edgar Cask from Gask, 
Sewell from Cross Lewis from Allenby ! 
In other words let Chaos come again ! 
[Coming down.] Who lectures in the Hall of Arts to-day? 

Bla. I, madam, on Abstract Philosophy. 

There I propose considering, at length, 

Three points The Is, the Might Be, and the Must. 

Whether the Is, from being actual fact, 

Is more important than the vague Might Be; 

Or the Might Be, from taking wider scope, 

Is for that reason greater than the Is; 

And lastly, how the Is and Might Be stand 

Compared with the inevitable Must ! 

Prin. The subject's deep how do you treat it, pray? 

Bla. Madam, I take three possibilities, 

And strike a balance, then, between the three; 
As thus: The Princess Ida Is our head, 
The Lady Psyche Might Be Lady Blanche, 
Neglected Blanche, inevitably Must. 
Given these three hypotheses to find 
The actual betting against each of them ! 

Prin. Your theme's ambitious: pray you bear in mind 
Who highest soar fall farthest. Fare you well, 
You and your pupils ! Maidens, follow me. 

[Exeunt PRINCESS and MAIDENS singing refrain of chorus, 
"And thus to empyrean heights" etc. Manet LADY 
BLANCHE. 

Bla. I should command here I was born to rule, 
But do I rule? I don't. Why? I don't know. 
I shall some day. Not yet. I bide my time. 
I once was Some One and the Was Will Be. 
The Present as we speak becomes the Past, 
The Past repeats itself, and so is Future ! 
This sounds involved. It 's not. It 's right enough. 



PRINCESS IDA 19 

SONG 
Bla. Come, mighty Must ! 

Inevitable Shall ! 
In thee I trust. 

Time weaves my coronal ! 
Go, mocking Is \ 

Go, disappointing Was! 
That I am this 

Ye are the cursed cause ! 
Yet humble second shall be first, 

I ween; 

And dead and buried be the curst 
Has Been ! 

Oh weak Might Be ! 

Oh May, Might, Could, Would, Should ! 
How powerless ye 

For evil or for good ! 
In every sense 

Your moods I cheerless call, 
Whate'er your tense 

Ye are Imperfect, all ! 
Ye have deceived the trust that I've shown 

In ye! 

Away ! The Mighty Must alone 
Shall be ! 

{Exit LADY BLANCHE. 

Enter HILARION, CYRIL and FLORIAN, climbing over wall, and 
creeping cautiously among the trees and rocks at the back of the 
stage 

TRIO HILARION, CYRIL, FLORIAN 
Gently, gently, 
Evidently 

We are safe so far, 
After scaling 
Fence and paling, 

Here, at last, we are ! 



2 o PRINCESS IDA 

In this college 
Useful knowledge 

Everywhere one finds, 
And already 
Growing steady, 

We've enlarged our minds. 

Cyr. We've learnt that prickly cactus 

Has the power to attract us 

When we fall. 

All. When we fall ! 

Hil. That nothing man unsettles 

Like a bed of stinging nettles, 

Short or tall. 

All. Short or tall! 

Flo. That bull-dogs feed on throttles 

That we don't like broken bottles 

On a wall 

All. On a wall. 

Hil. That spring-guns breathe defiance ! 

And that burglary 's a science 

After all ! 

All. After all. 

RECIT. 
Flo. A Woman's college ! maddest folly going ! 

What can girls learn within its walls worth knowing? 

I'll lay a crown (the Princess shall decide it) 

I'll teach them twice as much in half an hour outside it ! 

Hil. Hush, scoffer; ere you sound your puny thunder, 
List to their aims, and bow your head in wonder! 

They intend to send a wire 

To the moon to the moon ; 
And they'll set the Thames on fire 

Very soon very soon ; 



PRINCESS IDA 21 

Then they learn to make silk purses 

With their rigs with their rigs 
From the ears of Lady Circe's 

Piggy-wigs piggy-wigs ; 
And weazels at their slumbers 

They trgpan they trepan ; 
To get sunbeams from cucwwbers, 

They've a plan they've a plan. 
They've a firmly rooted notion 
They can cross the Polar Ocean, 
And they'll find Perpetual Motion, 

If they can if they can ! 

These are the phenomena 
That every pretty domina 

Hopes that we shall see 

At this Universitee. 

All. These are the phenomena 

That every pretty domina 
Hopes that we shall see 
At this Universitee! 

Cyr. As for fashion, they forswear it, 

So they say so they say 
And the circle they will square it 

Some fine day some fine day 
Then the little pigs they're teaching 

For to fly for to fly ; 
And the niggers they'll be bleaching, 

By and bye by and bye! 
Each newly joined aspirant 

To the clan to the clan 
Must repudiate the tyrant 

Known as Man known as Man 
They mock at him and flout him, 
For they do not care about him, 
And they're "going to do without him " 

If they can if they can ! 



22 PRINCESS IDA 

These are the phenomena 
That every pretty domina 

Hopes that we shall see 

At this Universitee. 

All. These are the phenomena, etc. 

Hit. So that's the Princess Ida's castle! Well, 

They must be lovely girls, indeed, if it requires 

Such walls as those to keep intruders off! 
Cyr. To keep men off is only half their charge, 

And that the easier half. I much suspect 

The object of these walls is not so much 

To keep men off as keep the maidens in! 

Flo. But what are these? {Examining some Collegiate robes. 
Hil. [Looking at them.} Why, Academic robes, 

Worn by the lady undergraduates, 

When they matriculate. Let 's try them on. [They do so. 

Why, see we're covered to the very toes. 

Three lovely lady undergraduates 

Who, weary of the world and all its wooing 
Flo. And penitent for deeds there 's no undoing 
Cyr. Looked at askance by well-conducted maids 
All. Seek sanctuary in these classic shades! 

TRIO 

Hil. I am a maiden, cold and stately, 

Heartless I, with a face divine. 
What do I want with a heart, innately? 
Every heart I meet is mine! 

All. Haughty, humble, coy, or free, 

Little care I what maid may be. 
So that a maid is fair to see, 

Every maid is the maid for me! [Dance. 

Cyr. I am a maiden frank and simple, 

Brimming with joyous roguery; 
Merriment lurks in every dimple, 
Nobody breaks more hearts than I ! 



ENTER THE PRINCESS, READING 

(P. 23) 



PRINCESS IDA 23 

All. Haughty, humble, coy, or free, 

Little care I what maid may be : 
So that a maid is fair to see, 

Every maid is the maid for me! \Dance. 

Flo. I am a maiden coyly blushing, 

Timid I as a startled hind ; 
Every suitor sets me flushing: 
I am the maid that wins mankind! 

All. Haughty, humble, coy, or free, 

Little care I what maid may be. 
So that a maid is fair to see, 
Every maid is the maid for me! 



Enter the PRINCESS reading. She does not see them 

Flo. But who comes here? The Princess, as I live! 

What shall we do? 

Hil. [Aside.] Why, we must brave it out! 

[Aloud.] Madam, accept our humblest reverence. 

[They bow, then suddenly recollecting themselves, curtsey. 
Prin. [Surprised.] We greet you, ladies. What would you 

with us? 
Hil. [Aside.] What shall I say? [Aloiid.] We are three students 

ma'am, 

Three well-born maids of liberal estate, 
Who wish to join this University. 

[HILARION and FLORIAN curtsey again. CYRIL bows ex- 
travagantly, then, being recalled to himself by FLORIAN, 
curtseys. 
Prin. If, as you say, you wish to join our ranks, 

And will subscribe to all our rules, 'tis well. 
Flo. To all your rules we cheerfully subscribe. 
Prin. You say you're noblewomen. Well, you'll find 
No sham degrees for noblewomen here. 
You'll find no sizars here, or servitors, 



24 PRINCESS IDA 

Or other cruel distinctions, meant to draw 

A line 'twixt rich and poor: you'll find no tufts 

To mark nobility, except such tufts 

As indicate nobility of brain. 

As for your fellow-students, mark me well : 

There are a hundred maids within these walls, 

All good, all learned, and all beautiful. 

They are prepared to love you : will you swear 

To give the fulness of your love to them? 

Hil. Upon our words and honours, ma'am, we will ! 

Prin. But we go further: will you undertake 
That you will never marry any man? 

Flo. Indeed we never will! 

Prin. Consider well, 

You must prefer our maids to all mankind! 

Hil. To all mankind we much prefer your maids! 

Cyr. We should be dolts indeed, if we did not, 
Seeing how fair 

Hil. [A side to CYRIL.] Take care that's rather strong! 

Prin. But have you left no lovers at your home 
Who may pursue you here? 

Hil. No, madam, none. 

We're homely ladies, as no doubt you see, 
And we have never fished for lover's love. 
We smile at girls who deck themselves with gems, 
False hair, and meretricious ornament, 
To chain the fleeting fancy of a man, 
But do not imitate them. What we have 
Of hair, is all our own. Our colour, too, 
Unladylike, but not unwomanly, 
Is Nature's handiwork, and man has learnt 
To reckon Nature an impertinence. 

Prin. Well, beauty counts for naught within these walls; 
If all you say is true, you'll spend with us 
A happy, happy time! 

Cyr. If, as you say, 

A hundred lovely maidens wait within, 
To welcome us with smiles and open arms, 
I think there 's very little doubt we shall! 



PRINCESS IDA 25 

QUARTETTE PRINCESS, HILARION, CYRIL, FLORIAN 
Prin. The world is but a broken toy, 

Its pleasure hollow false its joy, 
Unreal its loveliest hue 
Alas! 

Its pains alone are true, 
Alas! 
Its pains alone are true. 

Hil. The world is everything you say, 

The world we think has had its day, 
Its merriment is slow, 
Alas! 
We've tried it, and we know, 

Alas! 
We've tried it, and we know. 

TUTTI 

Prin. Hil., Cyr., Flo. 

The world is but a broken toy, The world is but a broken toy, 

Its pleasures hollow false its joy, We freely give it up with joy, 

Unreal its loveliest hue, Unreal its loveliest hue, 

Alas! Alas! 

Its pains alone are true, We quite agree with you, 

Alas! Alas! 

Its pains alone are true! We quite agree with you! 

Exit PRINCESS. The three gentlemen -match her off. LADY PSYCHE 
enters, and regards them with amazement 

Hil. I'faith, the plunge is taken, gentlemen! 
For, willy-nilly, we are maidens now, 
And maids against our will we must remain! 

[All laugh heartily. 
Psy. [Aside.] These ladies are unseemly in their mirth. 

[The gentlemen see her, and, in confusion, resume their 

__ modest demeanour. 

Flo. [Aside.] Here 's a catastrophe, Hilarion ! 
This is my sister! She'll remember me, 
Though years have passed since she and I have met ! 



26 PRINCESS IDA 

Hil. {Aside to FLORIAN.] Then make a virtue of necessity, 
And trust our secret to her gentle care. 

Flo. {To PSYCHE, who has watched CYRIL in amazement.'] Psyche ! 
Why, don't you know me? Florian! 

Psy. \_Amazed.~\ Why, Florian! 

Flo. My sister ! {Embraces her.} 

Psy. Oh, my dear ! 

What are you doing here and who are these? 

Hil. I am that Prince Hilarion to whom 

Your Princess is betrothed. I come to claim 
Her plighted love. Your brother Florian 
And Cyril, come to see me safely through. 

Psy. The Prince Hilarion? Cyril too? How strange ! 
My earliest playfellows ! 

Hil. Why, let me look ! 

Are you that learned little Psyche, who 
At school alarmed her mates because she called 
A buttercup "ranunculus bulbosus?" 

Cyr. Are you indeed that Lady Psyche, who 

At children's parties drove the conjuror wild, 
Explaining all his tricks before he did them? 

Hil. Are you that learned little Psyche, who 
At dinner parties, brought into dessert, 
Would tackle visitors with "You don't know 
Who first determined longitude I do 
Hipparchus 'twas B.C. one sixty-three!" 
Are you indeed that small phenomenon? 

Psy. That small phenomenon indeed am I ! 

But, gentlemen, 'tis death to enter here: 
We have all promised to renounce mankind ! 

Flo. Renounce mankind? On what ground do you base 
This senseless resolution? 

Psy. Senseless? No. 

We are all taught, and, being taught, believe 
That Man, sprung from an Ape, is Ape at heart. 

Cyr. That 's rather strong. 

Psy. The truth is always strong. 



PRINCESS IDA 27 

SONG 

The Ape and the Lady 

Psy. A Lady fair, of lineage high, 

Was loved by an Ape, in the days gone by 
The Maid was radiant as the sun, 
The Ape was a most unsightly one. 

So it would not do ; 

His scheme fell through, 
For the Maid, when his love took formal shape, 

Expressed such terror 

At his monstrous error, 

That he stammered an apology and made his 'scape, 
The picture of a disconcerted Ape. 

With a view to rise in the social scale, 
He shaved his bristles, and he docked his tail, 
He grew moustachios, and he took his tub, 
And he paid a guinea to a toilet club 

But it would not do, 

The scheme fell through 
For the Maid was Beauty's fairest Queen, 

With golden tresses, 

Like a real princess's, 
While the Ape, despite his razor keen, 
Was the apiest Ape that ever was seen ! 

He bought white ties, and he bought dress suits, 
He crammed his feet into bright tight boots 
And to start in life on a bran new plan, 
He christened himself Darwinian Man! 

But it would not do, 

The scheme fell through 
For the Maiden fair, whom the Monkey craved, 

Was a radiant Being, 

With a brain far-seeing 
While a Man, however well-behaved, 
At best is only a monkey shaved ! 

[During this MELISSA has entered unobserved: she looks on 
in amazement. 



28 PRINCESS IDA 

Mel. [Coining down. ~\ Oh, Lady Psyche! 

Psy. [Terrified.} What! you heard us then? 

Oh, all is lost! 
Mel. Not so ! I'll breathe no word! 

[Advancing in astonishment to FLORIAN. 

How marvellously strange! and are you then 

Indeed young men? 
Flo. Well, yes, just now we are 

But hope by dint of study to become, 

In course of time, young women. 
Mel. [Eagerly. ~\ No, no, no 

Oh don't do that ! Is this indeed a man? 

I've often heard of them, but, till to-day, 

Never set eyes on one. They told me men 

Were hideous, idiotic and deformed ! 

They're quite as beautiful as women are! 

As beautiful. They're infinitely more so ! 

Their cheeks have not that pulpy softness which 

One gets so weary of in womankind : 

Their features are more marked and oh their chins! 

How curious ! [Feeling his chin. 

Flo. I fear it 's rather rough. 

Mel. [Eagerly.] Oh don't apologize I like it so! 

QUINTETTE 

Psy. The woman of the wisest wit 

May sometimes be mistaken, O ! 
In Ida's views, I must admit, 
My faith is somewhat shaken, O! 

Cyr. On every other point than this, 

Her learning is unshaken, O ! 
But man 's a theme with which she is 
Entirely unacquainted, O! 
acquainted, O ! 
acquainted, O ! 
Entirely unacquainted, O! 

All. Then jump for joy and gaily bound, 

The truth is found the truth is found 



PRINCESS IDA 29 

Set bells a-ringing through the air 

Ring here and there and everywhere 

And echo forth the joyous sound, 

The truth is found the truth is found ! [Dance. 

Mel. My natural instinct teaches me 

(And instinct is important, O !) 
You're everything you ought to be, 
And nothing that you oughtn't, O ! 

Hil. That fact was seen at once by you 

In casual conversation, O! 
Which is most creditable to 
Your powers of observation, O ! 
servation, O ! 
servation, O ! 
Your powers of observation, O ! 

All. Then jump for joy, etc. 

{Exeunt PSYCHE, HILARION, CYRIL and FLORIAN. 
MELISSA going. 

Enter LADY BLANCHE 
Bla. Melissa ! 
Mel. [Returning.} Mother! 
Bla. Here a word with you. 

Those are the three new students? 
Mel. [Confused.] Yes, they are. 

They're charming girls. 
Bla. Particularly so. 

So graceful, and so very womanly ! 

So skilled in all a girl's accomplishments ! 
Mel. [Confused.'} Yes very skilled. 

Bla. They sing so nicely too ! 

Mel. They do sing nicely! 
Bla. Humph! It's very odd. 

One is a tenor, two are baritones ! 
Mel. [Much agitated.} They've all got colds! 
Bla. Colds! Bah! D'ye think I'm blind ? 

These " girls " are men disguised ! 



30 PRINCESS IDA 

Mel. Oh no indeed ! 

You wrong these gentlemen I mean why see, 

Here is an etui dropped by one of them 

[Picking up an etui. 

Containing scissors, needles and 
Bla. [Opening it.] Cigars! 

Why these are men ! And you knew this, you minx. 
Mel. Oh spare them they are gentlemen indeed. 

The Prince Hilarion (married years ago 

To Princess Ida) with two trusted friends! 

Consider, mother, he 's her husband now, 

And has been, twenty years! Consider too, 

You're only second here you should be first. 

Assist the Prince's plan, and when he gains 

The Princess Ida, why, you will be first. 

You will design the fashions think of that 

And always serve out all the punishments! 

The scheme is harmless, mother wink at it! 
Bla. [Aside.} The prospect's tempting! Well, well, well, I'll 

try- 
Though I've not winked at anything for years! 

'Tis but one step towards my destiny 

The mighty Must! the inevitable Shall! 



DUET 

Mel. Now wouldn't you like to rule the roast, 
And guide this University? 

Bla. I must agree 

'Twould pleasant be. 
(Sing hey a Proper Pride!) 

Mel. And wouldn't you like to clear the coast 
Of malice and asperity? 

Bla. Without a doubt 

I'll bundle 'em out, 
Sing hey, when I preside! 



PRINCESS IDA 31 

Both. Sing, hoity, toity! Sorry for some! 

Marry come up and -| m ^h day will come! 
therj 

Sing Proper Pride 
Is the horse to ride, 
And Happy-go-lucky, my Lady, O! 

Bla. For years I've writhed beneath her sneers, 
Although a born Plantagenet! 

Mel. You're much too meek, 

Or you would speak. 

(Sing hey, I'll say no more!) 

Bla. Her elder I, by several years, 

Although you'd never imagine it. 

Mel. Sing, so I've heard 

But never a word 
Have I ever believed before! 

Both. Sing, hoity, toity! Sorry for some! 

Marry come up, | m ^[ day will come! 

Sing, she shall learn 
That a worm will turn. 
Sing Happy-go-lucky, my Lady, O! 

[Exit LADY BLANCHE. 
Mel. Saved for a time, at least! 



Enter FLORIAN, on tiptoe 

Flo. [Whispering.] Melissa come! 

Mel. Oh, sir! you must away from this at once 

My mother guessed your sex! It was my fault 

I blushed and stammered so that she exclaimed, 

" Can these be men?" Then, seeing this, " Why these- 

" Are men," she would have added, but "are men" 

Stuck in her throat! She keeps your secret, sir, 

For reasons of her own but fly from this 

And take me with you that is no not that! 



32 PRINCESS IDA 

Flo. I'll go, but not without you! [Bell.] Why, what's that? 

Mel. The luncheon bell. 

Flo. I'll wait for luncheon then! 



, CYRIL with PSYCHE, LADY BLANCHE 
and LADIES. Also "Daughters of the Plough" bearing luncheon, 
which they spread on the rocks 

CHORUS 

Merrily ring the luncheon bell! 
Here in meadow of asphodel, 
Feast we body and mind as well, 
So merrily ring the luncheon bell! 

SOLO 
Bla. Hunger, I beg to state, 

Is highly indelicate, 
This is a fact profoundly true 
So learn your appetites to subdue. 

All. Yes, yes, 

We'll learn our appetites to subdue. 

SOLO 
Cyr. [Eating."] Madam, your words so wise, 

Nobody should despise, 
Cursed with an appetite keen I am, 
And I'll subdue it 
And I'll subdue it 
And I'll subdue it with cold roast lamb ! 

All. Yes yes 

We'll subdue it with cold roast lamb! 

CHORUS 
Merrily ring, etc. 

Prin. You say you know the court of Hildebrand? 
There is a Prince there I forget his name 
Hil. Hilarion? 
Prin. Exactly is he well? 



ENTER THE " DAUGHTERS OF THE PLOUGH," BEARING 

LUNCHEON 

(P. 32) 



PRINCESS IDA 33 

Hit. If it be well to droop and pine and mope, 

To sigh " Oh, Ida ! Ida ! " all day long, 

" Ida ! my love ! my life ! Oh come to me ! " 

If it be well, I say, to do all this, 

Then Prince Hilarion is very well. 
Prin. He breathes our name? Well, it's a common one ! 

And is the booby comely? 
HU. Pretty well. 

I've heard it said that if I dressed myself 

In Prince Hilarion's clothes (supposing this 

Consisted with my maiden modesty), 

I might be taken for Hilarion's self. 

But what is this to you or me, who think 

Of all mankind with undisguised contempt? 
Prin. Contempt? Why, damsel, when I think of man, 

Contempt is not the word! 
Cyr. [Getting tipsy. ,] I'm sure of that, 

Or if it is, it surely should not be ! 

Hit. [Aside to CYRIL.] Be quiet, idiot, or they'll find us out. 
Cyr. The Prince Hilarion's a goodly lad ! 
Prin. You know him then? 
Cyr. [Tipsily, .] 1 rather think I do ! 

We are inseparables ! 
Prin. Why, what's this? 

You love him then? 

Cyr. We do indeed all three ! 

HU. Madam, she jests ! [Aside to CYRIL.] Remember where you 

are! 
Cyr. Jests? Not at all ! Why, bless my heart alive, 

You and Hilarion, when at the Court, 

Rode the same horse ! 
Prin. [Horrified.'] Astride? 

Cyr. Of course ! Why not? 

Wore the same clothes and once or twice, I think, 

Got tipsy in the same good company ! 
Prin. Well, these are nice young ladies, on my word ! 
Cyr. [Tipsy.] Don't you remember that old kissing-song 
He'd sing to blushing Mistress Lalage, 
The hostess of the Pigeons? Thus it ran: 

F 



34 PRINCESS IDA 

SONG 

[During symphony HILARION and FLORIAN try to stop 
CYRIL. He shakes them off angrily. 

Cyr. Would you know the kind of maid 

Sets my heart aflame-a? 
Eyes must be downcast and staid, 

Cheeks must flush for shame-a ! 

She may neither dance nor sing, 
But, demure in everything, 
Hang her head in modest way, 
With pouting lips that seem to say 

" Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, 
Though I die of shame-a ! " 

Please you, that 's the kind of maid 
Sets my heart aflame-a ! 

When a maid is bold and gay 
With a tongue goes clang-a, 
Flaunting it in brave array, 
Maiden may go hang-a ! 

Sunflower gay and hollyhock 

Never shall my garden stock; 

Mine the blushing rose of May, 

With pouting lips that seem to say, 
" Oh, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, 

Though I die for shame-a ! " 
Please you that's the kind of maid 

Sets my heart aflame-a ! 

Prin. Infamous creature, get you hence away ! 

[HILARION, who has been "with difficulty restrained by 
FLORIAN during this song, breaks from him and strikes 
CYRIL furiously on the breast. 

Hil. Dog! there is something more to sing about! 
Cyr. [Sobered.] Hilarion, are you mad? 
Prin. [Horrified.'] Hilarion? Help! 

Why these are men ! Lost ! lost ! betrayed ! undone 

[Running on to bridge. 



PRINCESS IDA 35 

Girls, get you hence ! Man-monsters, if you dare 

Approach one step, I Ah ! 

[Loses her balance, and falls into the stream. 
Psy. Oh ! save her, sir ! 

Bla. It's useless, sir, you'll only meet your death ! 

[HILARION springs in. 
Sack. He catches her ! 
Mel. And now he lets her go ! 

Again she 's in his grasp ! 
Psy. And now she's not! 

He seizes her back hair ! 

Bla. [Not looking.} And it comes off! 

Psy. No! no! She 's saved ! she's saved ! she 's saved! she 's 

saved ! 

[HILARION is seen swimming with PRINCESS in one arm. 
The PRINCESS and he are brought to land. 

FINALE 

CHORUS OF LADIES 
Oh ! joy, our chief is saved, 
And by Hilarion's hand ; 
The torrent fierce he braved, 
And brought her safe to land ! 
For his intrusion we must own 
This doughty deed may well atone ! 

Prin. Stand forth ye three, 

Whoe'er ye be, 
And hearken to our stern decree ! 

RECIT. 

HiL, Cyr., and Flo. Have mercy, lady disregard your oaths ! 
Prin. I know not mercy, men in women's clothes ! 
The man whose sacrilegious eyes 
Invade our strict seclusion, dies. 
Arrest these coarse intruding spies! 

[They are arrested by the " Daughters of the Plough" 

Flo., Cyr., and Ladies. Have mercy, lady disregard your oaths! 
Prin. I know not mercy, men in women's clothes ! 

[CYRIL and FLORIAN are bound. 



36 PRINCESS IDA 

SONG 
Hit. Whom thou hast chained must wear his chain, 

Thou canst not set him free, 
He wrestles with his bonds in vain 

Who lives by loving thee ! 
If heart of stone for heart of fire, 

Be all thou hast to give, 
If dead to me my heart's desire, 
Why should I wish to live? 

No word of thine no stern command 

Can teach my heart to rove, 
Then rather perish by thy hand, 

Than live without thy love ! 
A loveless life apart from thee 

Were hopeless slavery, 
If kindly death will set me free, 

Why should I fear to die ? 

[He is bound by two of the attendants, and the three gentle- 
men are marched off. 

Enter MELISSA 

Mel. Madam, without the castle walls 

An armed band 

Demand admittance to our halls 
For Hildebrand ! 

All. Oh horror! 

Prin* Deny them ! 

We will defy them ! 

All. Too late too late ! 

The castle gate 
Is battered by them ! 

[The gate yields. HILDEBRAND and SOLDIERS rush in. 
ARAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS are with them, but with 
their hands handcuffed. 

All. [SOLDIERS and LADIES.] Too late too late ! 

The castle gate 
Is battered by them ! 



THE GATE YIELDS. HILDEBRAND AND SOLDIERS 

RUSH IN 

(P- 36) 



PRINCESS IDA 37 

ENSEMBLE 

Girls Men 

Rend the air with wailing, Walls and fences scaling, 

Shed the shameful tear! Promptly we appear; 

Walls are unavailing, Walls are unavailing, 

Man has entered here ! We have entered here. 

Shame and desecration Female execration 

Are his staunch allies, Stifle if you're wise, 

Let your lamentation Stop your lamentation, 

Echo to the skies ! Dry your pretty eyes ! 

RECIT. 

Prin. Audacious tyrant, do you dare 

To beard a maiden in her lair? 

King. Since you enquire, 

We've no desire 
To beard a maiden here, or anywhere ! 

Sol. No no we've no desire 

To beard a maiden here, or anywhere ! 

SOLO 
Hild. Some years ago 

No doubt you know 
(And if you don't I'll tell you so) 
You gave your troth 
Upon your oath 
To Hilarion my son. 
A vow you make 
You must not break, 

(If you think you may, it 's a great mistake,) 
For a bride 's a bride 
Though the knot were tied 
At the early age of one ! 

And I'm a peppery kind of King, 

Who 's indisposed for parleying, 

To fit the wit of a bit of a chit, 

And that 's the long and the short of it ! 

All. For he 's a peppery kind of King, etc. 



38 PRINCESS IDA 

Hild. If you decide 

To pocket your pride 
And let Hilarion claim his bride, 
Why, well and good, 
It's understood 
We'll let bygones go by 
But if you choose 
To sulk in the blues, 

I'll make the whole of you shake in your shoes ! 
I'll storm your walls, 
And level your halls, 

In the twinkling of an eye ! 
For I'm a peppery Potentate, 
Who 's little inclined his claim to bate, 
To fit the wit of a bit of a chit, 
And that 's the long and the short of it ! 



TRIO ARAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS 
We may remark, though nothing can 

Dismay us, 
That if you thwart this gentleman, 

He'll slay us. 
We don't fear death, of course we're taught 

To shame it ; 
But still upon the whole we thought 

We'd name it. 
[To each other.] Yes, yes, better perhaps to name it. 

Our interests we would not press 

With chatter, 
Three hulking brothers more or less 

Don't matter; 
If you'd pooh-pooh this monarch's plan, 

Pooh-pooh it, 
But when he says he'll hang a man, 

He'll do it. 
[To each other.'] Yes, yes, devil doubt he'll do it. 



THOUGH I AM BUT A GIRL, 
DEFIANCE THUS I HURL" 

(P. 39) 



PRINCESS IDA 39 

Prin. \Recit.\ Be reassured, nor fear his anger blind, 

His menaces are idle as the wind. 

He dares not kill you vengeance lurks behind! 
Ar.y Crur., Scyn. We rather think he dares, but never mind! 

No, no, never, never mind ! 
King. Enough of parley as a special boon 

We give you till to-morrow afternoon ; 

Release Hilarion, then, and be his bride, 

Or you'll incur the guilt of fratricide ! 

ENSEMBLE 

Princess The Others 

To yield at once to such a foe Oh ! yield at once, 'twere better so 

With shame were rife ; Than risk a strife ! 

So quick! away withhim, although And let the Prince Hilarion go 

He saved my life ! He saved thy life ! 

That he is fair, and strong, and Hilarion 's fair, and strong, and 

tall, tall 

Is very evident to all, A worse misfortune mightbefall 

Yet I will die before I call It 's not so dreadful, after all, 

Myself his wife ! To be his wife ! 

SOLO 

Prin. Though I am but a girl, 

Defiance thus I hurl, 
Our banners all 
On outer wall 
We fearlessly unfurl. 

All. Though she is but a girl, etc. 

Princess The Others 

That he is fair, etc. Hilarion 's fair, etc. 

\The PRINCESS stands c., surrounded by girls kneeling. 
The KING and soldiers stand on built rocks at back and 
sides of stage. Picture. 



CURTAIN 

END OF ACT II 



4 o PRINCESS IDA 



ACT III 

SCENE. Outer Walls and Courtyard of Castle Adamant. MELISSA, 
SACHARISSA and ladies discovered, dressed in chain mail and 
armed -with battle-axes. 

CHORUS 
Death to the invader! 

Strike a deadly blow, 
As an old Crusader 

Struck his Paynim foe ! 
Let our martial thunder 
Fill his soul with wonder, 
Tear his ranks asunder, 

Lay the tyrant low ! 

SOLO 
Mel. Thus our courage, all untarnished, 

We're instructed to display: 
But to tell the truth unvarnished, 

We are more inclined to say, 
" Please you, do not hurt us." 

All. " Do not hurt us, if it please you!" 

Mel. " Please you, let us be." 

All. " Let us be let us be! " 

Mel. " Soldiers disconcert us." 

All. " Disconcert us, if it please you !" 

Mel. "Frightened maids are we." 

All. " Maids are we maids are we!" 

MELISSA 

But 'twould be an error 
To confess our terror, 
So, in Ida's name, 
Boldly we exclaim : 



PRINCESS IDA 41 

CHORUS 
Death to the invader 

Strike a deadly blow 
As an old Crusader 

Struck his Paynim foe! 
Let our martial thunder 
Fill his soul with wonder 
Tear his ranks asunder 

Lay the tyrant low! 



Flourish. Enter PRINCESS, armed, attended by BLANCHE 
and PSYCHE 

Prin. I like your spirit, girls! We have to meet 

Stern bearded warriors in fight to-day: 
Wear naught but what is necessary to 
Preserve your dignity before their eyes, 
And give your limbs full play. 

Bla. One moment, ma'am. 

Here is a paradox we should not pass 
Without enquiry. We are prone to say 
"This thing is Needful that, Superfluous," 
Yet they invariably co-exist! 
We find the Needful comprehended in 
The circle of the grand Superfluous, 
Yet the Superfluous cannot be bought 
Unless you're amply furnished with the Needful. 
These singular considerations are 

Prin. Superfluous, yet not Needful so you see 
The terms may independently exist. 

[To Ladies.} Women of Adamant, we have to show 
That Woman, educated to the task, 
Can meet Man, face to face, on his own ground, 
And beat him there. Now let us set to work; 
Where is our lady surgeon? 

Sac. Madam, here! 

Prin. We shall require your skill to heal the wounds 

Of those that fall. 

G 



42 PRINCESS IDA 

Sac. [Alarmed.] What, heal the wounded? 

Prin. Yes! 

Sac. And cut off real live legs and arms? 

Prin. Of course! 

Sac. I wouldn't do it for a thousand pounds! 

Prin. Why, how is this? Are you faint-hearted, girl? 

You've often cut them off in theory! 
Sac. In theory I'll cut them off again 

With pleasure, and as often as you like, 

But not in practice. 
Prin. Coward ! get you hence, 

I've craft enough for that, and courage too. 

I'll do your work! My fusiliers, advance, 

Why, you are armed with axes! Gilded toys! 

Where are your rifles, pray? 
Chloe. Why, please you, ma'am, 

We left them in the armoury, for fear 

That in the heat and turmoil of the fight, 

They might go off! 
Prin. " They might! " Oh, craven souls! 

Go off yourselves! Thank heaven, I have a heart 

That quails not at the thought of meeting men ; 

/will discharge your rifles! Off with you! 

Where 's my bandmistress? 
Ada. Please you, ma'am, the band 

Do not feel well, and can't come out to-day! 
Prin. Why, this is flat rebellion! I've no time 

To talk to them just now. But, happily, 

I can play several instruments at once, 

And I will drown the shrieks of those that fall 

With trumpet music, such as soldiers love! 

How stand we with respect to gunpowder? 

My Lady Psyche you who superintend 

Our lab'ratory are you well prepared 

To blow these bearded rascals into shreds? 
Psy. Why, madam 
Prin. Well? 

Psy. Let us try gentler means. 

We can dispense with fulminating grains 



"WHERE ARE YOUR RIFLES, PRAY?" 

(p. 42) 



PRINCESS IDA 43 

While we have eyes with which to flash our rage; 
We can dispense with villainous saltpetre 
While we have tongues with which to blow them up ; 
We can dispense, in short, with all the arts 
That brutalize the practical polemist! 

Prin. [Contemptuously.} I never knew a more dispensing chemist! 
Away, away I'll meet these men alone 
Since all my women have deserted me! 
[Exeunt all but PRINCESS, singing refrain of" Death to the 
Invader j" pianissimo. 

Prin. So fail my cherished plans so fails my faith 
And with it hope, and all that comes of hope! 



SONG 
Prin. I built upon a rock, 

But ere Destruction's hand 
Dealt equal lot 
To Court and cot, 
My rock had turned to sand! 
Ah, faithless rock, 
My simple faith to mock! 

I leant upon an oak. 
But in the hour of need, 

Alack-a-day, 

My trusted stay 
Was but a bruised reed! 

Ah, trait'rous oak 

Thy worthlessness to cloke! 

I drew a sword of steel, 

But when to home and hearth 
The battle's breath 
Bore fire and death, 
My sword was but a lath ! 
Ah, coward steel, 
That fear can unanneal! 

[She sinks on a bank. 



44 PRINCESS IDA 

Enter CHLOE and all the ladies 

Chloe. Madam, your father and your brothers claim 
An audience! 

Prin. What do they do here? 

Chloe. They come 

To fight for you ! 

Prin. Admit them! 

Bla. Infamous! 

One's brothers, ma'am, are men ! 

Prin. So I have heard, 

But all my women seem to fail me when 
I need them most. In this emergency, 
Even one's brothers may be turned to use. 

Enter GAMA, quite pale and unnerved 

Gama. My daughter! 

Prin. Father! thou art free! 

Gama. Aye, free! 

Free as a tethered ass! I come to thee 
With words from Hildebrand. Those duly given, 
I must return to black captivity. 
I'm free so far. 

Prin. Your message. 

Gama. Hildebrand 

Is loth to war with women. Pit my sons, 
My three brave sons, against these popinjays, 
These tufted jack-a-dandy featherheads, 
And on the issue let thy hand depend! 

Prin. Insult on insult's head! Are we a stake 

For fighting men? What fiend possesses thee 
That thou hast come with offers such as these 
From such as he to such an one as I? 

Gama. I am possessed 

By the pale devil of a shaking heart! 
My stubborn will is bent. I dare not face 
That devilish monarch's black malignity! 
He tortures me with torments worse than death, 



PRINCESS IDA 45 

I haven't anything to grumble at! 
He finds out what particular meats I love, 
And gives me them. The very choicest wines, 
The costliest robes the richest rooms are mine: 
He suffers none to thwart my simplest plan, 
And gives strict orders none should contradict me! 
He 's made my life a curse! [Weeps. 

Prin. My tortured father! 

SONG 
Gama. Whene'er I spoke 

Sarcastic joke 

Replete with malice spiteful, 
This people mild 
Politely smiled, 
And voted me delightful! 
Now when a wight 
Sits up all night 
Ill-natured jokes devising, 
And all his wiles 
Are met with smiles, 
It's hard, there's no disguising! 
Oh, don't the days seem lank and long 
When all goes right and nothing goes wrong; 
And isn't your life extremely flat 
With nothing whatever to grumble at! 

When German bands 

From music stands 
Played Wagner imper/ktfly 

I bade them go 

They didn't say no, 
But off they went directly! 

The organ boys 

They stopped their noise 
With readiness surprising, 

And grinning herds 

Of hurdy-gurds 
Retired apologizing! 
Oh, don't the days seem lank and long, etc. 



46 PRINCESS IDA 

I offered gold 

In sums untold 
To all who'd contradict me 

I said I'd pay 

A pound a day 
To any one who kicked me 

I bribed with toys 

Great vulgar boys 
To utter something spiteful, 

But, bless you, no! 

They would be so 
Confoundedly politeful ! 

In short, these aggravating lads 
They tickle my tastes, they feed my fads, 
They give me this and they give me that, 
And I've nothing whatever to grumble at! 

[He bursts into tears, and falls sobbing on a bank. 

Prin. My poor old father! How he must have suffered! 

Well, well, I yield! 

Gama. [Hysterically.] She yields! I'm saved, I'm saved! 
Prin. Open the gates admit these warriors, 
Then get you all within the castle walls. 
[The gates are opened, and the girls mount the battlements 
as HILDEBRAND enters with soldiers. Also ARAC, 
GURON, and SCYNTHIUS. 

CHORUS OF SOLDIERS 

When anger spreads his wing, 

And all seems dark as night for it, 

There 's nothing but to fight for it, 
But ere you pitch your ring, 

Select a pretty site for it, 

(This spot is suited quite for it) 
And then you gaily sing, 

"Oh, I love the jolly rattle 
Of an ordeal by battle, 
There 's an end of tittle, tattle, 

When your enemy is dead. 



PRINCESS IDA 



47 



AIL 



It 's an arrant molley coddle, 
Fears a crack upon the noddle, 
And he 's only fit to swaddle, 

In a downy feather-bed ! 

For a fight 's a kind of thing 
That I love to look upon, 

So let us sing, 

Long live the King, 
And his son Hilarion ! 

[During this, HILARION, FLORIAN, and CYRIL are brought 
out by the " Daughters of the Plough." They are still 
bound and wear the robes. 



Gama. 



Hil. 

Gama. 



Hilarion! Cyril! Florian! dressed as women! 
Is this indeed Hilarion? 

Yes it is! 

Why, you look handsome in your women's clothes! 
Stick to 'em! men's attire becomes you not! 
[To CYRIL and FLORIAN.] And you, young ladies, will you please 

to pray 

King Hildebrand to set me free again? 
Hang on his neck and gaze into his eyes, 
He never could resist a pretty face! 
You dog, you'll find though I wear woman's garb, 
My sword is long and sharp! 

Hush, pretty one! 

Here 's a virago! Here 's a termagant! 
If length and sharpness go for anything, 
You'll want no sword while you can wag your tongue! 
What need to waste your words on such as he? 
He 's old and crippled. 

Aye, but I've three sons, 

Fine fellows, young, and muscular, and brave. 
They^ re well worth talking to! Come, what d'ye say? 
Aye, pretty ones, engage yourselves with us, 
If three rude warriors affright you not! 
Old as you are I'd wring your shrivelled neck 
If you were not the Princess Ida's father. 



Hil. 



Gama. 



Cyril. 
Gama. 



Arac. 



Hil. 



48 PRINCESS IDA 

Gama. If I were not the Princess Ida's father, 

And so had not her brothers for my sons, 

No doubt you'd wring my neck in safety too! 

Come, come, Hilarion, begin, begin! 

Give them no quarter they will give you none. 

You've this advantage over warriors, 

Who kill their country's enemies for pay, 

You know what you are fighting for look there! 

{Pointing to Ladies on the battlements. 

SONG 
Arac. This helmet, I suppose, 

Was meant to ward off blows, 
It 's very hot, 
And weighs a lot, 
As many a guardsman knows, 
So off that helmet goes. 

The Three Knights. Yes, Yes, 

So off that helmet goes! 

[Giving their helmets to attendants. 

Arac. This tight-fitting cuirass 

Is but a useless mass, 

It 's made of steel, 

And weighs a deal, 
A man is but an ass 
Who fights in a cuirass, 
So off goes that cuirass. 

All Three. Yes, yes, 

So off goes that cuirass! [Removing cuirasses. 

Arac. These brassets, truth to tell, 

May look uncommon well, 

But in a fight 

They're much too tight, 
They're like a lobster shell! 

All Three. Yes, yes, 

They're like a lobster shell. 

[Removing their brassets. 



PRINCESS IDA 49 

Arac. These things I treat the same, [Indicating leg pieces. 

(I quite forget their name) 
They turn one's legs 
To cribbage pegs 
Their aid I thus disclaim, 
Though I forget their name 
All Three. Yes, yes, 

Though we forget their name, 
Their aid we thus disclaim ! 

[They remove their leg pieces and wear close fitting shape suits. 
[Desperate fight between the three Princes and the three 
Knights during which the ladies on the battlements and 
the soldiers on the stage sing the following chorus: 
This is our duty plain towards 

Our Princess all immaculate. 
We ought to bless her brothers' swords, 
And piously ejaculate: 
Oh, Hungary! 
Oh, Hungary! 

Oh, doughty sons of Hungary! 
May all success 
Attend and bless 
Your warlike ironmongery! 

[By this time ARAC, GURON, and SCYNTHIUS are on the 
ground, wounded HILARION, CYRIL, and FLORIAN 
stand over them. 
Prin. [Entering through gate and followed by Ladies.] Hold! stay 

your hands! we yield ourselves to you! 
Ladies, my brothers all lie bleeding there! 
Bind up their wounds but look the other way. 
[Coming down.] Is this the end? [Bitterly to LADY BLANCHE.] 

How say you, Lady Blanche 
Can I with dignity my post resign? 
And if I do, will you then take my place? 
Bla. To answer this, it 's meet that we consult 
The great Potential Mysteries ; I mean 
The five Subjunctive Possibilities 
The May, the Might, the Would, the Could, the Should. 

H 



50 PRINCESS IDA 

Can you resign? The prince Might claim you; if 
He Might, you Could and if you Should, I Would! 

Prin. I thought as much! Then, to my fate I yield 
So ends my cherished scheme! Oh, I had hoped 
To band all women with my maiden throng, 
And make them all abjure tyrannic Manl 

Hild. A noble aim! 

Prin. You ridicule it now; 

But if I carried out this glorious scheme, 
At my exalted name Posterity 
Would bow in gratitude! 

Hild. But pray reflect 

If you enlist all women in your cause, 
And make them all abjure tyrannic Man, 
The obvious question then arises, " How 
Is this Posterity to be provided?" 

Prin. I never thought of that! My Lady Blanche, 
How do you solve the riddle? 

Bla. Don't ask me 

Abstract Philosophy won't answer it. 
Take him he is your Shall. Give in to Fate! 

Prin. And you desert me. I alone am staunch! 

Hit. Madam, you placed your trust in Woman well, 
Woman has failed you utterly try Man, 
Give him one chance, it 's only fair besides, 
Women are far too precious, too divine 
To try unproven theories upon. 
Experiments, the proverb says, are made 
On humble subjects try our grosser clay, 
And mould it as you will ! 

Cyr. Remember, too, 

Dear Madam, if at any time you feel 
A-weary of the Prince, you can return 
To Castle Adamant, and rule your girls 
As heretofore, you know. 

Prin. And shall I find 

The Lady Psyche here? 

Psy. If Cyril, ma'am, 

Does not behave himself, I think you will. 



PRINCESS IDA 51 

Prin. And you, Melissa, shall I find you here? 
Mel. Madam, however Florian turns out, 

Unhesitatingly I answer, No! 
Gama. Consider this, my love, if your mama 

Had looked on matters from your point of view 

(I wish she had), why where would you have been? 
Bla. There 's an unbounded field of speculation, 

On which I could discourse for hours! 
Prin. No doubt! 

We will not trouble you. Hilarion, 

I have been wrong I see my error now. 

Take me, Hilarion " We will walk the world 

Yoked in all exercise of noble end! 

And so through those dark gates across the wild 

That no man knows! Indeed, I love thee Come!" 

FINALE 

Prin. With joy abiding, 

Together gliding 

Through life's variety, 
In sweet society, 
And thus enthroning 
The love I'm owning, 
On this atoning 
I will rely! 

CHORUS 

It were profanity 
For poor humanity 
To treat as vanity 

The sway of Love. 
In no locality 
Or principality 
Is our mortality 

Its sway above! 

Hit. When day is fading, 

With serenading 

And such frivolity 
Of tender quality 



PRINCESS IDA 

With scented showers 
Of fairest flowers, 
The happy hours 
Will gaily fly! 

CHORUS 
It were profanity, etc. 



CURTAIN 



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