m*
THE LIBRARY
OF
THE UNIVERSITY
OF CALIFORNIA
EDUG.-
PSYCH.
LIBRARY
GIFT OF
Mrs. Harold Bruce
[JlA^
"
(I
5
/ W Km
T 5 ) aax
ViL
!<?<t
The Real Diary
Of a Real Boy
By
Henry A. Shute
Author of "Sequil," "Letters to Beany," "Real
Boys," etc., etc.
1917
The Reilly & Britton Co.
Chicago
Copyright, 1902, by Henry A. Shuie
Copyright, 1903, by Henry A. Shute
Copyright, 1906, by The Everett Press Co.
EDUC-
PSYCH.
LIBRARY
95*^7
Introduction
IN the winter of 1901-02, while
rummaging an old closet in the
shed - chamber of my father's
house, I unearthed a salt-box which
had been equipped with leather
hinges at the expense of considerable
ingenuity, and at a very remote pe-
riod. In addition to this, a hasp of
the same material, firmly fastened
by carpet-tacks and a catch of bent
wire, bade defiance to burglars, mid-
night marauders, and safe-breakers.
With the aid of a tack -hammer
the combination was readily solved,
and an eager examination of the con-
tents of the box disclosed: —
F. 052
Introduction
1. Fish-line of braided shoema-
ker's thread, with perch hook, to
which adhered the mummied re-
mains of a worm that lived and flour-
ished many, many years ago.
2. Popgun of pith elder and hoop-
skirt wire.
3. Horse-chestnut bolas, calcu-
lated to revolve in opposite directions
with great velocity, by an up-and-
down motion of the holder's wrist;
also extensively used for the adorn-
ment of telegraph-wires, — there were
no telephones in those days, — and
the cause of great profanity amongst
linemen.
4. More fish-hooks of the ring va-
riety, now obsolete.
5. One blood alley, two chinees, a
[6]
Introduction
parti-colored glass agate, three pe-
wees, and unnumbered drab-colored
marbles.
6. Small bow of whalebone, with
two arrows.
7. Six-inch bean-blower, for school
use — a weapon of considerable range
and great precision when used with
judgment behind a Guyot's Com-
mon School Geography.
8. Unexpended ammunition for
same, consisting of putty pellets.
9. Frog's hind leg, extra dry.
10. Wing of bluejay, very ditto.
11. Letter from "Beany," post-
marked "Biddeford, Me.," and ex-
pressing great indignation because
"Pewt" "hasent wrote."
12. Copy-book inscribed "Diry."
m
Introduction
The examination of this copy-book
lasted the rest of the day, and it was
read with the peculiar pleasure one
experiences in reviewing some of the
events of a happy boyhood.
With the earnest hope that others
may experience a little of the pleas-
ure I gained from the reading, I sub-
mit the "Diry" to the public.
Henry A. Shute.
Exeter, N. H., Sept. 23, 1902.
[8]
FATHER thot i aught to keep
a diry, but i sed i dident want
to, because i coodent wright
well enuf, but he sed he wood give
$1000 dolars if he had kept a diry
when he was a boy.
Mother said she gessed nobody
wood dass to read it, but father said
everybody would tumble over each
other to read it, anyhow he wood
give $1000 dolars if he had kept it.
i told him i wood keep one regular if
he wood give me a quarter of a dolar
a week, but he said i had got to keep
it anyhow and i woodent get no
quarter for it neither, but he wood-
ent ask to read it for a year, and i
The Real Diary
know he will forget it before that, so
i am going to wright just what i
want to in it. Father always forgets
everything but my lickins. he re-
members them every time you bet.
So i have got to keep it, but it
seems to me that my diry is worth a
quarter of a dolar a week if fathers
is worth $1000 dolars, everybody
says father was a buster when he
was a boy and went round with
Gim Melcher and Charles Talor.
my grandmother says i am the best
boy she ever see, if i dident go with
Beany Watson and Pewter Purin-
ton, it was Beany and Pewt made
me tuf.
there dos'nt seem to be much to
put into a diry only fites and who
[10]
Of a Real Boy
got licked at school and if it ranes or
snows, so i will begin today-
December 1, 186- brite and fair,
late to brekfast, but mother dident
say nothing, father goes to boston
and works in the cnstum house so i
can get up as late as i want to.
father says he works like time, but i
went to boston once and father did-
ent do anything but tell stories
about what he and Gim Melcher
usted to do when he was a boy.
once or twice when a man came in
they would all be wrighting fast,
when the man came in again i sed
why do you all wright so fast when
he comes in and stop when he goes
out, and the man sort of laffed and
went out laffing, and the men were
The Real Diary
mad and told father not to bring
that dam little fool again.
December 2. Skinny Bruce got
licked in school today. I told my
granmother about it and she said she
was glad i dident do enything to get
punnished for and she felt sure i never
wood, i dident tell her i had to stay
in the wood box all the morning
with the cover down, i dident tell
father either you bet.
December 2. rany. i forgot to say
it raned yesterday too. i got cold and
have a red rag round my gozzle.
December 2. pretty near had a
fite in schol today. Skinny Bruce
and Frank Elliot got rite up with
there fists up when the bell rung, it
[12]
Of a Real Boy
was two bad, it wood have been a
buly fite. i bet on Skinny.
December 3, 186- brite and fair,
went to church today. Me and Pewt
and Beany go to the Unitarial
church, we all joined Sunday school
to get into the Crismas festerval.
they have it in the town hall and
have two trees and supper and pres-
ents for the scholars, so we are go-
ing to stay til after crismas anyway
the unitarials have jest built a new
church. Pewt and Beany's fathers
painted it and so they go there, i
don't know why we go there xcept
because they don't have any church
in the afternoon. Nipper Brown and
Micky Gould go there, we all went
[18]
The Real Diary
into the same class, our teacher is
Mister Winsor a student, we call
them stewdcats. after we had said
our lesson we all skinned out with
Mr. Winsor. when we went down
Maple street we saw 2 roosters fiting
in Dany Wingates yard, and we
stoped to see it. i knew more about
fiting roosters than any of the fellers,
because me and Ed Towle had fit
roosters lots. Mr. Winsor said i was
a sport, well while the roosters were
fiting, Sunday school let out and he
skipped acros the street and walked
off with one of the girls and we hoi*
lered for him to come and see the
fite out, and he turned red and
looked mad. the leghorn squorked
[ I*]
Of a Real Boy
and stuck his head into a corner,
when a rooster squorks he wont fite
any more.
December 5. snowed today and
school let out at noon, this after-
noon went down to the library to
plug stewdcats. there was me and
Beany and Pewt, and Whacker and
Pozzy Chadwick and Pricilla Hobbs.
Pricilla is a feller you know, and
Pheby Talor, Pheby is a feller too,
and Lubbin Smith and Nigger Bell,
he is'nt a nigger only we call him
Nigger, and Tommy Tompson and
Dutchey Seamans and Chick Chick-
ering, and Tady Finton and Chitter
Robinson.
December 6. Gim Wingate has
got a new bobtail coat.
[15]
The Real Diary
December 7, 186- Got sent to bed
last nite for smoking hayseed cigars
and can't go with Beany enny more.
It is funny, my father wont let me
go with Beany becaus he is tuf, and
Pewts father wont let Pewt go with
me becaus im tuf, and Beanys father
says if he catches me or Pewt in his
yard he will lick time out of us.
Rany today.
December 8. Skinny Bruce got
licked in school today. Skipy Moses
was in the wood box all the morn-
ing.
December 9. brite and fair, speak-
in day today, missed in Horatius at
the brige.
December 10. Clowdy but no
[16]
Of a Real Boy
rane. went to church, lots of new
fellers in Sunday school me and
Beany and Pewt and Pile Woods
and Billy Folsom and Jimmy Gad
and lots of others. Mister Winsor
dident teach today, gess they
woodent let him on account of the
rooster fite.
December 11. My new boots from
Tommy Gads came today, i tell you
they are dumpers, no snow yet.
December 12. Crismas is pretty
near, dont know wether i shall get
ennything. father says i dont de-
sirve ennything. you can get gooze-
berrys down to Si Smiths 1 dozen
for 5 cents. He has a funny sine it
is
[17]
The Real Diary
flour
meal
molasses
sugar
coffee
tea
spises
pork &
lard
salt
butter
ham
eggs
&so
December 15. Fite at resess to-
day, Gran Miller and Ben Rundlet.
Ben licked him easy, the fellers
got to stumping each other to fite.
[18]
Of a Real Boy
Micky Gould said he cood lick me
and i said he want man enuf and he
said if i wood come out behind the
school house after school he wood
show me and i said i wood and all
the fellers hollered and said they
wood be there. But after school i
thaught i aught to go home and split
my kindlings and so i went home,
a feller aught to do something for
his family ennyway. i cood have
licked him if i had wanted to.
December 16. Tady Finton got
licked in school today, snowed to-
day a little.
December 17. rained in the nite
and then snowed a little, it was au«
ful slipery and coming out of church
Squire Lane fell down whak and Mr.
L 19 ]
The Real Diary
Burley cought hold of the fence and
his feet went so fast that they seemed
all fuzzy, i tell you if he cood run as
fast as that he cood run a mile a
minite.
December 18. brite and fair, noth-
ing particilar. o yes, Skinny Bruce
got licked in school.
December 19. Cold as time.
Went to a sosiable tonite at the
Unitarial vestry, cant go again be-
cause Keene told mother i was impi-
dent to the people, i want impident.
you see they was making poetry and
all sitting around the vestry, they
wanted to play copenhagin and post
office and clap in and clap out, but
Mister Erl woodent let them be-
cause it was in church, so they had
C20]
Of a Real Boy
to play poetry, one person wood
give a word and then the oppisite
person wood give a word that rimed
with it. it was auful silly, a girl
wood give the word direxion and
then a stewdcat wood say afTexion
and waul his eyes towards the girl,
and then another wood say miss, and
another stewdcat wood say kiss and
then he wood waul his eyes, and
when it came my turn i said what
rimes with jellycake, and the girls
turned red and the stewdcats looked
tunny, and Mister Burley said if i
coodent behave i had better go
home. Keene needent have told
mother anyway. You jest wait
Keene, and see what will happen
some day.
[31]
The Real Diary
December 20. Bully skating, went
after school and skated way up to
the eddy, was going to skate with
Lucy Watson but Pewt and Beany
hollered so that i dident dass to.
John Toomey got hit with a hockey
block rite in the snoot and broke
his nose.
December 21. Brite and fair, no-
thing particular to-day. nobody got
licked, old Francis had his hand
done up in a sling, he said he had a
bile on it. i tell you the fellers were
glad.
December 22. Warm and rany
and spoiled the skating, coodent do
anything but think of Crismas.
December 23. Saturday and no
skating, went down to the library
[22]
Of a Real Boy
to get a book for sunday. me and
Beany were sticking pins into the
fellers and making them holler and
Jo Parsons the libarian jumped rite
over the counter and chased us way
down to Mr. Hams coffin shop, he
dident catch us either, then we
went down town and Billy Swett
lent me a dime novel to read sun-
day, it was named Billy Bolegs a
sequil to Nat Tod the traper. sequil
means the things in Nat Tod that
was not finished.
December 24. Brite and fair.
Crismas tomorrow, went to sunday
school. Mr. Lovel is our teacher
now.
December 25. Crismas. got a
new nife, a red and white scarf and
[23]
The Real Diary
a bag of Si Smiths goozeberies.
pretty good for me.
December 26. Crismas tree at the
town hall, had supper and got a
bag of candy and a long string of
pop corn. Mr. Lovel took off the
presents and his whiskers caught
fire, and he hollered o hell right out.
that was pretty good for a Sunday
school teacher, wasent it. Jimmy
Gad et too much and was sick.
December 27. Beany has got a
new striped shirt not a false bosom
but a whole shirt. Beany wont
speak to me now. Lucy Watson
has got a new blew hat with a
fether. she wont speak to Keene
and Cele eether. you jest wait
Beany and Lucy and see.
C 24 3
Of a Real Boy
Jan. 1, 186- Had an awful time in
school today, me and Cawcaw
Harding set together, when we
came in from resess Cawcaw reached
over and hit me a bat, and i lent
him one in the snoot, and he hit me
back, we was jest fooling, but old
Francis called Cawcaw up front to
lick him. i thought if i went up and
told him he wood say, noble boy go
to your seat, i wont lick neether of
you. anyway i knew that Cawcaw
wood tell on me, and so i told old
Francis i hit Cawcaw first, and old
Francis said Harry i have had my
eye on you for a long time, and he
jest took us up and slammed us to-
gether, and then he wood put me
down and shake Cawcaw and then
C 25 3
The Real Diary
he wood put Cawcaw down and
shake me till my head wabbled and
he turned me upside down and all
the fellers looked upside down and
went round and round and somehow
i felt silly like and kind of like laffin.
i dident want to laff but coodent
help it. and then he talked to us
and sent us to our seats and told us
to study, and i tried to but all the
words in the book went round and
round and i felt awful funny and
kind of wabbly, and when i went
home mother said something was
the matter and i told her and then i
cried, i don't know what i cried for,
becaus i dident ake any. father said
he wood lick me at home when i got
licked at school and perhaps that was
[26]
Of a Real Boy
why i cried ennyway when father
come home i asked him if he was a
going to lick me and he said not by
a dam sight, and he gave me ten
cents and when i went to bed i got
laffin and crying all to once, and
coodent stop, and mother set in my
room and kept her hand on my for-
red until i went to sleep, i drempt i
was nting all the time, when 1 get
big enuf there is going to be a fite
between me and old Francis, you see
if there aint.
Jan. 2, Me and Beany has made
up. i told him i had ten cents and
then he dident feel so big about his
new shirt, ennyway we went down
to Si Smiths and got a dozen gooze-
berries and then went down to doc-
T27]
The Real Diary
tor Derborns and got a glass of sody
water and took turns drinking it and
seeing which cood gulp the loudest.
Beany beat.
Jan. 3. brite and fair. Went
down to Pewts tonite to make hay-
seed cigars. We made 5 kinds, hay-
seed, sweet firn, cornsilk, mullin
leeves, and grape vine, my mouth
taisted aufuly all nite.
Jan. 4. brite and fair. Pewt dident
come to school today, i gess he was
sick, my mouth taisted aufuly all
day.
Jan. 5. clowdy and aufuly cold.
Pewt came to school today and got
a licking for puting gum on Nigger
Bells seat. Nig set in it til it dride
and then tride to get up and coodent,
£28]
Of a Real Boy
then old Francis come down the ile
and snaiked Nigger out and when he
see the gum he asked us who put it
there, we all said we dident, but he
licked Pewt becaus he had seen Pewt
chooing gum.
Jan. 6. it snowed last nite and to-
day. Speaking in school today, i
spoke the berrial of sir John More,
old Francis said he never heard enny-
thing wirse in his life, i hope he
wont tell father, this afternoon we
pluged stewdcats.
Jan. 7. Ed Towle has got a gote.
the fellers stumped me to hold him
by the horns and he buted me over
in the slosh, mother said i had no
bisiness to be playing on Sunday.
Jan. 8. brite and fair, there is go-
[29]
The Real Diary
ing to be a nigger show in the town
hall tonite. father says i cant go be-
caus i sassed aunt Sarah, it is uncle
Toms cabbin.
Jan. 9. brite and fair. Beany
went to the nigger show, he led one
of the bludhouns in the prosession
and got a ticket. Beany had on a
red coat jest like the dogs, he said
it was buly.
Jan. 10. rany. Nipper Brown is
the best scolar in my class, i am the
wirst. i can lick Nipper easy.
Jan. 11. brite and fair. After
school me and Beany and Pewt and
Fatty Melcher and Pozzy Chadwick
and lots of fellers went skating on
fresh river, i was skating backwerd
and i got one leg in a eal hole, gosh
[80]
Of a Real Boy
the water was cold and before i got
home my britches leg was all froze.
Jan. 12. nobody got licked in
school today, gess why, becaus there
wassent enny school, old Francis
was sick, i went skating.
Jan. 13. brite and — no it was
rany. had a speling mach today in
school. Cele and Genny Morrison
staid up til the last and then Cele
missed and set down balling, and
Genny beat, i cant stop to wright
enny more becaus i am going to the
levee with father.
Jan. 14, 186- Went to a big levee
last nite at the town hall. Bill
Morrill and Nuel Head and Dave
Quimby and Frank Hervey got it
up. they had Hook and Pasons
[81]
The Real Diary
quadril band of Haverhil. father
bought a ticket becaus he was in the
custum house and has to be frends
with people, it was splendid, most
everybody went all dressed up in
blue silk and red and crokay slippers.
Ham Perkins and Charlie Lane and
Charley Piper and Chick Randall
and Dan Ranlet and Grace Morril
and the Head girls and Sweat girls
and Carrie Towle and Sarah Clark,
J. Albert Clarks sister and the Mel
cher boys and they all hopped round
pretty lively, i tell you. i staid until
12 o'clock and listened to the band,
i never had so good time in my life.
Jan. 15. i am all spekled over,
mother says she is afrade i have got
[82]
Of a Real Boy
chicken pocks, i gess i have been in
the hen koop to mutch.
Jan. 16. the speckles have all
gone of. doctor Perry says i et to
many donuts.
Jan. 18. brite and fair, yesterday
to and day before yesterday i have
forgot.
Jan. 19. snowed all day. Me and
Beany is mad.
Jan. 20. father is sick becaus he
et to mutch salt fish and potato and
pork, he is auful cross and hit me a
bat today becaus i left the door open,
i gess he will be sorry when i am
ded.
Jan. 21. brite and fair, went to
church in the morning and in the
[33]
The Real Diary
afternoon greeced some paper and
trased some pictures.
Jan. 22. i had to stay in the wood-
box today for whispering to Whacker
with the cover down, i like it becaus
they is a peep hole in the box and
you can see the fellers and they cant
see you. by and by Gimmy Fits-
gerald whispered and old Francis put
him in to and we took turns peep-
ing.
Jan. 23. it raned hard all day and
we had one sesion. Beany came over
and we made up and plaid in the
barn making fly boxes.
Jan. 24. nothing much today,
rany in the morning and froze at
night.
Jan. 25. brite and fair, everything
[34]
Of a Real Boy
was covered with ice and when father
started for the depot he tumbled
down the front steps from the top to
the botom. mother says he went
bumpity bump and his hat went one
way and his dinner box went the
other, i herd him swaring aufuly
about that dam boy, and i gess he
wood have come up and licked time
out of me, but he had to hurry to get
the train,
Jan. 26. jest as soon as the skat-
ing comes it has to snow and spoil it.
Jan. 27. i coodent go out of the
yard this afternoon becaus i dident
put ashes on the front steps before
father fell down and so Pewt and
Beany and Whacker and Nibby
Hartwell and Diddly Colket and
[35]
The Real Diary
Nipper and Prisilla and Gim Wingit
and lots of the fellers came over
and we had a snowball fite. mother
says she hops father wont keep me
at home anuther afternoon.
Jan. 28. brite and fair, it never
ranes Sundays so a feller cant go to
church.
Jan. 29. Nothing puticular today,
it always seams harder to go to
school mundays, more fellers gets
licked mundays than enny day in the
weak, i got stood on the platform
with my head in the corner for look-
ing of my book today.
Jan. 30. brite and fair, i have got
a auful chilblane on my heel.
Jan. 31. brite and fair, i was glad
today was wensday in the afternoon
[36]
Of a Real Boy
i went skating, the students played
baseball on the ice.
Feb. 1. brite and fair, pretty soon
it will be Washintons berthday,
and then all the boys can ring the
town bell at noon and at nite.
Feb. 2. clowdy but no snow, to-
morror will be saterday they is only
2 days in the weak that is wirth en-
nything and that is wensday and
saterday except in vacation.
Feb. 3. Snowed like time all the
forenoon, in the afternoon me and
Pewt and Beany rolled up some big
snowballs, then tonite we put all
the balls together and made a big
snowman rite in front of Mrs. Lew-
ises front door, then we put a old
hat on it and hung a peace of paper
[37]
The Real Diary
on it and wrote man wanted on the
paper, tomorrow all the people who
go to church will see it and laflf be-
caus Mister Lewis got a devorse.
they will be some fun tomorrow.
Feb. 5. i coodent wright enny-
thing last nite becaus i got sent to
bed and got a licking, i tell you we
got in a auful scrape. Sunday morn-
ing me and Pewt and Beany went
out erly to see our snowman, he
was there and when people began to
go by they began to latT, and most
of the people said it was the funniest
thing they ever see and who ever put
it there was a pretty smart feller, so
we said we did it and Pewt said he
thought of it ferst and Beany said he
[38]
Of a Real Boy
did, and i said i did most of the
werk.
Well, pretty soon some people
came along and looked at it and said
it was a shame and they went over
to pull of the paper and she came
out and see it, and she took a broom
and nocked it over and broke it all
up. and then she went rite down to
my house to tell father, then she
went over to Beanys house and then
up to Pewts. well after church
father took me over to her house,
and Beany was there with his father
and Pewt with his father, she said
she wood have us arested for it. but
they talked a long time and after a
while she said if our fathers wood
[39]
The Real Diary
lick us and make us saw and split a
cord of wood she woodent say no
more about it. when we went out
father said, i never see such dam
boys did you Brad, did you Wats,
and they said they never did. so we
have got to saw and split that wood
and we got licked two.
Feb. 6. brite and fair, me and
Pewt and Beany sawed and split
some wood for Misses Lewis.
Feb. 7. brite and fair, sawed
some more wood, me and Pewt and
Beany.
Feb. 8. brite and fair, split some
more wood, me and Pewt and
Beany.
Feb. 9. Fatty Melcher and Caw-
caw Harding, Chitter Robinson and
[40]
Of a Real Boy
Medo Thurston helped saw some
more wood.
Feb. 10. Brite and fair, this af-
ternoon Whack Pozzy and Boog
Chadwick, Dutchy Semans, Nigger
Bell Pop Clark, Shinny Thing and
Pile Wood all come down with saws
and axes and helped us saw that
wood, we worked all the afternoon
and £ot it done and piled up before
dark, then Misses Lewis asked us
in and gave us some buly donuts
and some sweatened water and we
sung and told stories and before we
went we told her we was sorry we
bilt the snowman and she said she
was sorry two. then when we went
away we give 3 cheers for her,
[41]
The Real Diary
Feb. 11. brite and fair, i shant
forget last Sunday very soon.
Feb. 12. rany today, i dont care
becaus i havent got to saw enny
more wood.
Feb. 13. still rany. i dont care.
Feb. 14. pretty cold today, going
to have a new kind of speling mach
tomorrow.
Feb. 15. Got to the head in spell-
ing today, old Francis makes us all
stand up in the ile and gives us a lot
of words to spell and then we wright
them down on our slates and then
the head feller or girl changes slates
with the foot feller or girl and so on
and then old Francis wrights the
words on the blackboard and then
we mark each others slates. John
[42]
Of a Real Boy
Flanygin was the foot feller and had
my slate, well most of Johns words
was wrong, but John marked mine
all write, i gess John dident know
it, but ther was 4 or 5 of my words
speled wrong, i set out to tell old
Francis but dident dass to becaus he
licked me for teling that i paisted
Cawcaw Harding that time, so i
kept still and kept at the head and
John kept at the foot, i hope John
will do it again tomorrow.
Feb. 16. Beat in speling today.
Feb. 17. beat in speling today.
Feb. 19. Beat in speling today,
old Francis is a going to give a prise
tomorrow, i told father i was pretty
sure to get it and he said it will be
the first one. Aunt Sarah asked
[43]
The Real Diary
him if he took many prises, and he
said he dident get much of a prise
when he got me. i gess he wont say
that tomorrow when i bring my
prise home.
Feb. 20. i dident get the prise,
you see yesterday John Flanygin
spelt more words write than Gimmy
Fitsgerald and Gimmy went to the
foot, when we marked slates Gimmy
marked 9 of my words wrong out of
20, and i had to go down most to
where John Flannygin was. old
Francis said he dident beleave i had
aught to have staid at the head so
long as i did and i was afraid he
wood lick me and John but he did-
ent. he said he was ashamed and
disapointed in me but i gess he was
[ 44 ]
Of a Real Boy
not the only one who was disapoint-
ed. i had told Pewt and Beany i
wood treat on what father wood give
me for getting the prise. Pewt and
Beany was both mad, and are going
to lay for Gimmy.
Feb. 21, i forgot to say what the
wether was most every day this
weak, it has been brite and fair most
of the time, only it snowed two days
and raned most of one day. brite
and fair today and cold as time.
Feb. 23, Clowdy and cold. Pop
Clark had to crawl through a chair
today, he went through so fast old
Francis only hit him 2 bats. Tady
Finton and Nigger Bell both got
licked. Tady dident cry or holler a
bit, but Nigger hollered just like a
C 45 ]
The Real Diary
girl, i supped Nigger was more of
a man than that.
Feb. 24, Beany and Pewt got
punching today in school and old
Francis made them stand on the
platform with their arms round each
others neck all the forenoon, i bet
they felt pretty cheep. Brite and
fair.
Feb. 25, i have got a new pair of
britches at erl and Cutts. i gess
Beany aint the only one which has
good clothes eather.
Feb. 26. Nothing particular to-
day. Went down to old Heads shop
to see the stewdcats ride velosipedes.
There is going to be a race in the
town hall tomorrow night.
Feb. 27. Father said i cood go to
t 46 3
Of a Real Boy
the velosipede race if i woodent miss
splitting my kindlings for a week, i
did miss them twice but mother did-
ent tell him and if he dont ask her
before tonight i am all right.
Feb. 28. Last night went to the
velosipede race, it was jest ripping,
i got down before the door opened.
Bob Carter came pretty soon but he
woodent let us in until the ticket
man came. Mr. Watson was the
ticket man and he let me and Beany
and Shinny Thing in free, they had
a lot of seats in the center of the hall,
and the rest round the edges, and a
open track around the hall. On the
platform set Bill Morrill and Dave
Quimby and John Getchell and
Eben Folsom. Most of the fellers
[47]
The Real Diary
in the race were stewdcats and most
of the stewdcats and the girls had
the seats in the center of the hall.
The stewdcats who were to race were
Stone and Stuart and Lee and Clif-
ford and August Belmont and Swift
and Nichols and George Kent and
Cutler and Johnny Heald and Gear
and Burly and Bob Morison. the
townies were Charlie Gerish and
Doctor Prey, each feller rode round
the hall twice to get going like time,
and then Dave Quimby hollered go
and he had to ride around the hall
until he had rid a quarter of a mile.
When the stewdcats rode all the
other stewdcats yelled and the girls
waved their handkerchiefs and the
[48]
Of a Real Boy
band played and the excitement was
dreadful.
After a while Docter Prey came
out and all the townies got up and
cheered and the band played the star
spangled banner, because Doctor fit
in the war, and Doctor took of his
hat and bowed and then rode round
like time, he rode faster than most
every one of them except Stone and
Stuart and Lee and Clifford and Bel-
mont and Swift, i gess if Doc hadent
fit so hard in the war he wood have
beat them all. and then Charlie
Gerish came out and all the townies
hollered again and Charlie made his
legs go so fast that they coodent
hardly see them, and jest before the
[ 49]
The Real Diary
last time around his velosipede
slipped and Charlie went fluking
over three settees, he jumped on his
velosipede again and went around
with his britches all torn but he did-
ent get around quite quick enuf to
beat Stone, then the townies yelled
and said it was a cheat and the
stewdcats hissed, and some of the
townies said they could lick the
stewdcats, and the stewdcats said
they wasent man enuf and it looked
as if there was a going to be a row
when Charlie Gerrish got up and
said he was beat fair and there was-
ent enything to get mad about, and
that he would like to shake hands
with the stewdcat which beat him,
and he wood like to race him an-
[50]
Of a Real Boy
other time but he coodent then be-
cause he hurt his leg, and then they
shook hands and every one felt buly,
and the stewdcats said hooray for
Charlie and the townies hollered
hooray for Stone, and Bill Morrill
made a speech and give the prise to
Stone and the band played and we
all went home, i bet Doc. Prey and
Charlie Gerrish can lick any two
stewdcats in the hall.
Mar. 2. i went to a show in the
town hall tonight, it was a singing
show called the haymakers, it was
splendid. Mr. Gale got it up. they
have been practising all winter. Alice
Gewell was a dary maid and Charlie
Lane was a katydid, and lots of oth-
ers sung, it was splendid.
[51]
The Real Diary
Mar. 3. Cloudy but no rane. went
down to Langley's store for some
juju paste, saw a nte. Old Kize tried
to arest Bill Hartnit and Bill lam-
med time out of him and after a
while old Swain came up and arrest-
ed him.
Mar. 4. Brite and fair. Went to
church to-day, the fernace smoked
so the people had to come home.
They say they will have it fixed be-
fore next Sunday, i hope not.
Mar. 5. School closes tomorrow,
i got kept after school tonight for
whispering to Cawcaw.
Mar. 6. School closed today and
we voted for prises. Mr. Gordon
give 4 prizes for the 2 best fellers and
2 best girls for the term. So we voted
[52]
Of a Real Boy
for them. Most of the fellers wanted
to vote for Jenny Morrison because
she was the prettiest girl there, and
can go the greeshun bend better than
enny girl in the school, and most
of the girls dident like Jenny Morri-
son and wanted to vote for Dora
Moses and Mary Luverin, and the
girls wanted to vote for Lees Moses
because he was polite to them and
rather go with the girls than the
boys and we holler at him, but he
can fite for i saw him lick Gim Erly
one day, and Gim Erly can rassle
better than enny one but Jack Mel-
vil. well most of the fellows wanted
to vote for Tady Finton or Pop
Clark or Skinny Bruce because they
never get mad or cry when they are
[53]
The Real Diary
licked and make lots of fun, but we
knew they coodent get the prize for
they are all the time raising time and
getting licked and so we voted for
Honey Donovan and Moses Gordon,
and when the votes was counted
Dora Moses and Mary Luvering got
the prizes for the girls and Mose
Gordon and Nigger Bell for the boys.
That was all write about Dora Moses
and Mary Luverin because they was
the best girls and always went to-
gether, but we dident like it very
well about Mose and Nigger, only
we thought that so long as Mose's
father give the prizes Mose ought to
have one. i gess most of the girls
must have voted for Nig, because
[54]
Of a Real Boy
they was mad with Lees Moses, i
know what they was mad at too.
Then the first class give old Fran-
cis a present of some books and when
he turned over the leaves there was
twenty dollars there, and old Francis
was surprised and made a fine speech,
and the people all clapped becaus he
made such a good speech, i heard
him saying it over the night before
when i was kept after school. No
school for 2 weeks.
Mar. 7- When my father was a
boy he was the best titer in this
town.
Mar. 9. Went down to Fatty
Melchers today to make a violin, we
cut a piece of wood the shape of a
[55]
The Real Diary
violin then take some horsehairs and
strech them over a brige and you
can play a tune on them, in school
i learnt to play on a piece of india
rubber, you pull a piece of elastic
out of your congres boot and hold it
in your teeth and pull it tite and
snap it with your fingers and you can
play tunes that you can hear but no
one else can. old Francis saw me
snapping the elastic and came and
took it away, i have got plenty
more in my boot, i am saving money
to buy me a cornet, when i get enuf
i am a going to play in the band.
Mar. 10. plesent day. old Si
Smiths big white dog and a bull dog
had an awful fite today, neether
licked and they had to squert water
[56]
Of a Real Boy
on them to seperate them, they did-
ent make no noise, only jest hung
write on to each others gozzles. my
aunt Sarah said it was dredful, and
she staid to the window to see how
dredful it was.
Mar. 11, 186- Went to church in
the morning, the fernace was all
write. Mister Lennard preeched
about loving our ennymies, and told
every one if he had any angry feel-
ings towards ennyone to go to him
and shake hands and see how much
better you wood feel, i know how it
is becaus when me and Beany are
mad we dont have eny fun and when
we make up the one who is to blam
always wants to treet. why when
Beany was mad with me becaus i
[57]
The Real Diary
went home from Gil Steels surprise
party with Lizzie Towle, Ed Towles
sister, he woodent speak to me for 2
days, and when we made up he
treated me to ice cream with 2 spoons
and he let me dip twice to his once,
he took pretty big dips to make up.
Beany is mad if enny of the fellers
go with Lizzie Towle. she likes
Beany better than she does enny of
the fellers and Beany ought to be
satisfied, but sometimes he acks mad
when i go down there to fite roosters
with Ed. i gess he needent worry
much, no feller isnt going to leave
of fiting roosters to go with no girls,
well i most forgot what i was going
to say, but after church i went up to
Micky Gould who was going to fite
[58}
Of a Real Boy
me behind the school house, and said
Micky lets be friends and Micky said,
huh old Skinny, i can lick you in 2
minits and i said you aint man enuf
and he called me a nockneed puke,
and i called him a wall eyed lummix
and he give me a paist in the eye and
i gave him a good one in the mouth,
and then we rassled and Micky threw
me and i turned him, and he got
hold of my new false bosom and i
got hold of his hair, and the fellers
all hollered hit him Micky, paist him
Skinny, and Mister Purington,
Pewts father pulled us apart and i
had Mickys paper collar and necktie
and some of his hair and he had my
false bosom and when i got home
father made me go to bed and stay
[59]
The Real Diary
there all the afternoon for fiting, but
i gess he dident like my losing my
false bosom, ennyway he asked me
how many times i hit Micky and
which licked, he let me get up at
supper time, next time i try to love
my ennymy i am a going to lick him
first.
Went to a Sunday school concert
in the evening. Keene and Cele sung
now i lay me down to sleep, they
was a lot of people sung together
and Mister Gale beat time. Charlie
Gerish played the violin and Miss
Packerd sung, i was scart when
Keene and Cele sung for i was afraid
they would break down, but they
dident, and people said they sung
like night horks. i gess if they
[60]
Of a Real Boy
knowed how night horks sung they
woodent say much, father felt pretty
big and to hear him talk you wood
think he did the singing, he give
them ten cents apeace. i dident get
none, you gest wait, old man till i
get my cornet.
Went to a corcus last night, me
and Beany were in the hall in the
afternoon helping Bob Carter
sprinkle the floor and put on the
sordust. the floor was all shiny with
wax and aufully slipery. so Bob got
us to put on some water to take off
the shiny wax. well write in front
of the platform there is a low plat-
form where they get up to put in
their votes and then step down and
Beany said, dont put any water there
[61]
The Real Diary
only jest dry sordust. so i dident.
well that night we went erly to see
the fun. Gim Luverin got up and
said there was one man which was
the oldest voter in town and he
ought to vote the first, the name of
this destinkuished sitizen was John
Quincy Ann Pollard, then old mister
Pollard got up and put in his vote
and when he stepped down his heels
flew up and he went down whak on
the back of his head and 2 men lifted
him up and lugged him to a seat,
and then Ed Derborn, him that rings
the town bell, stepped up pretty live-
ly and went flat and swore terrible,
and me and Beany nearly died we
laffed so. well it kept on, people
dident know what made them fall,
[62]
j
Of a Real Boy
and Gim Odlin sat write down in
his new umbrella and then they sent
me down stairs for a pail of wet sor-
dust and when i was coming up i
heard an auful whang, and when i
got up in the hall they were lugging
old mister Stickney off to die and
they put water on his head and lug-
ged him home in a hack, they say
Bob Carter will lose his place, me
and Beany dont know what to do.
if we dont tell, Bob will lose his place
and if we do we will get licked.
Mar. 12. Mister Stickney is all
write today, gosh you bet me and
Beany are glad.
Mar. 13, 186- brite and fair. Mr.
Gravel has bought old Heads carrige
shop, he is a dandy and wears shiny
[63]
The Real Diary
riding boots and a stove pipe hat and
a velvet coat and goes with Dan
Ranlet and George Perkins and
Johny Gibson and the other dandies,
i went down today and watched
Fatty Walker stripe some wheels.
Mar. 14. clowdy. Elkins and
Graves had an oxion to-night. Beany
got ten cents for going round town
ringing a bell and hollering oxion. i
went with Beany and it was lots of
fun. Beany wouldent treet. he says
he is saving money for something, i
know what it is it is a valintine for
Lizzie Tole. it was mean of Beany
not to treet becaus i did as much hol-
lering as he did.
Mar. 15. The funniest thing hap-
ened to-day you ever saw. after brek-
[64]
Of a Real Boy
fast me and father took a walk and
then went and set down on the high
school steps, father was telling me
some of the things he and Gim Mel-
cher used to do. father must have
been a ripper when he was young,
well ennyway while we was talking
old Ike Shute came along through
the school yard. Ike wears specks
and always carries a little basket on
his arm. he cant see very well, and
father said to me, now you jest keep
still and you will see some fun and
when Ike came along father changed
his voice so that it sounded awfully
growly and said where in the devil
are you going with that basket, and
Ike was scart most to deth and said
only a little way down here sir and
[65 j
The Real Diary
father said, move on sir and move
dam lively and i nearly died laffing
to see Ike hiper. well after a while i
see Ike coming back with old Swane
and old Kize the policemen, i tell
you i was scart but father only laflfed
and said you keep still and i will fix
it all right, so when they came up
he said to old Kize what is the
trouble Filander and he said Mr.
Shute here has been thretened by
some drunken rascal, and father
looked aufuly surprised and said that
is an infernal shame, when did it
happen Isak, and Ike said about fif-
teen minits ago and father said we
have been here about as long as that
and i dident see the scoundrel, how
did he look Isak, and Ike said i cood-
[66]
Of a Real Boy
ent see him very well George but he
was a big man and he had a awful
deep voice and father said did he
stagger enny and Ike said i coodent
see wether he did or not but i cood
tell he was drunk by his voice, so
old Swain and old Kize went down
behind the school house and off thru
the carrige shop yard to see if they
cood find him, and me and father
walked home with Ike to protect him
and father said now Isak if ennyone
insults you again jest come to me
and if i can catch him i will break
every bone in his body, and father
and Ike shook hands and Ike shook
hands with me and then we went
home and father began to laff and
lafFed all the way home and then he
[67]
The Real Diary
told mother and aunt Sarah and they
said it was a shame to play such a
trick upon him and father laffed all
the more and said Ike hadent had so
much exercise for a year and it wood
do him good and give him something
to think about, ennyway they said
it was a shame to teech me such
things, and father said he would
rather i wood be tuf than be like Ike,
and Aunt Sarah said i never wood
be half as good as Ike for he never
did a wrong thing in his life, and
father laffed and said he dident dass
to for his mother wood shet him in
the closet, it was aufully funny, but
i gess they was right, i shall never
be half as good as Ike. i wonder if
[68]
Of a Real Boy
old Swane and old Kize have caught
that man yet.
Mar. 16. Pewt dreened 18 mar-
bles and 2 chinees out of me to-day.
we was playing first in a hole, school
today, sailed boats in the brook in
J. Albert Clark's garden and got
pretty wet.
Mar. 17. Scott Briggam has got
some little flying squirrels, he is go-
ing to get me one for thirty-five
cents, i am going to take it out of
my cornet money.
Mar. 18. Father wont let me play
marbles in ernest. it aint enny fun
dreening- a feller and then giving
them back, i bet father didnt when
he was a boy.
[69]
The Real Diary
Mar. 19. Scott Briggam brought
my squirrel today and i paid him 35
cents, 3 ten cents scrips and five
cents, i have got it in a bird cage.
Mar. 20. my squirrel got out of
the cage last nite and father found
him in the water pail drownded. fa-
ther got up in the night and got a
dipper and drank some water out of
that pail, he dident eat any brekfast
because he was thinking that the
squirrel might have been in the pail
then, i wonder if it was. ennyway
35 cents of my cornet money has
gone up.
Mar. 23. school today, went
down to Pewts to draw pictures.
Charlie Woodbury can draw the
best, then Pewt, and then me.
C 70 3
Of a Real Boy
Beany dont like to draw, we was
talking about what we was going to
be when we grew up. Charlie Wood-
bury is going to be a picture painter,
Pewt is going to be a lawyer, Potter
Gorham and Chick Chickering are
going to stuff birds for a living,
Beany is going to be a hack driver,
Gim Wingit is going to run a news-
paper, Cawcaw Harding is going to
be a piscopal minister becaus he says
they only have to read their speaches
out of a book, Nipper Brown is going
to be a professer, Priscilla Hobbs is
going to play a organ in the baptis
church. Prisil can play 3 tunes now
on a little organ, i am going to be a
cornet player like Bruce Briggam.
cornet players can go to all the dan-
[71]
The Real Diary
ces and fairs and prosessions and are
invited in and treated when people
are married and they serrinade them
at night, and they don't have to
work either.
Mar. 25. almost as warm as sum-
mer, went to church and Sunday
school. Beany has got a job blowing
the organ for Kate Wells, he only
let the wind go out 2 times today,
it was funny becaus when the organ
stopped Mister Wood who was sing-
ing let out an auful hoot before he
knowed what he was doing Beany
will lose his job if he does it again.
Mar. 29, 186- The toads has come
out. fine warm day. me and Potter
Gorham have been ketching toads
this afternoon, they sit in the pud-
C 72 3
Of a Real Boy
les and peep, folks think it is frogs
but most of it is toads. Potter got
23 and i got 18. tonite i put my
toads in a box in the kitchen after
the folks went to bed. in the night
they all got out of the box and be-
gan to hop round and peep mother
heard it and waked father and they
lissened. when i waked up father
was coming threw my room with a
big cane and a little tin lamp, he
had put on his britches and was in
his shirt tale, and i said, what are
you going to lick me for now i hav-
ent done nothing and he said, keep
still there is some one down stairs
and mother said dont go down
George and father said, lissen i can
hear him giving a whistle for his con-
[78]
The Real Diary
fedrit, i will jump in and give him a
whack on the cokonut. i had forgot
all about the toads and you bet i was
scart. well father he crep down easy
and blowed out his lite and opened
the door quick and jest lammed
round with his club, then i heard
him say what in hell have i stepped
on, bring a lite here, then i thought
of the toads and you bet i was scarter
than before, mother went down with
a lite and then i heard him say, i
will be cussed the whole place is full
of toads, then mother said did you
ever, and father said he never did,
and it was some more of that dam
boys works and he yelled upstairs for
me to come down and ketch them,
so i went down and caught them and
[74 J
Of a Real Boy
put them out all but 2 that father
had stepped on and they had to be
swep up, then all the folks came
down in their nitegounds and i went
up stairs lively and got into bed and
pulled the clothes round me tite, but
it dident do enny good for father
came up and licked me, he dident
lick me very hard becaus i gess he
was glad it wasent a berglar and if it
hadent been for me it might have
been berglars insted of toads.
Mar. 30. brite and fair, went out
with Potter Gorham. saw some
toads 2 robins and a blewbird. gosh
it makes a feller feel good to see birds
and toads and live things.
Mar. 31. April fool day tomor-
row, i am laying for Beany, old
[75]
The Real Diary
Francis licked 5 fellers today becaus
they sung rong when we was singing
speek kindly it is better far to rule
by luv than feer.
April 1. auful cold and rainy, i
was going to wright a love letter to
Beany and sine Lizzie Toles name
to it but i told father about it for fun
and he said that it was fourgery and
that i cood be prostecuted and sent
to jale. so i dident. tonite me and
Beany rung five door bells for april
fool.
April 2. been trying to get rid of
some warts. Pewt says if you hook
a piece of pork after dark, rub it on
the warts and say arum erum irum
orum urum and nurum 3 times turn
round twice and throw the pork thru
[76]
Of a Real Boy
a window, then the warts will all be
gone the next day. me and Beany is
going to try it tomorrow.
April 3. brite and fair, dident get
a chance to hook the pork.
April 4. The band played in the
band room to-nite. it was warm
enuf to have the windows open and
we cood hear it. i sat out in the
school yard til 10 oclock to hear it
and father came out and walked me
home. Beany was mad becaus i cared
more for the band than for getting
rid of the warts.
April 6. dident wright anything
last nite, was too scart. i never was
so scart in all my life before, me and
Beany came awful near getting in
jale. we dident know where to hook
[77]
The Real Diary
the pork, i went to our cellar but
father was down there making vini-
gar all the evening, then we went to
Beanys cellar but Mister Watson
was sitting on the cellar door, so
Beany told his father that a man was
looking for him to see about a horse
and Mister Watson started down to
the club stable, then Beany hooked
the pork and rubbed it over his warts
and then i rubbed it over my warts
and we said arum erum irum orum
urum and nurum 3 times jest as Pewt
said, turned round twice and i plug-
ged the pork right threw a gaslite jest
then the gasman came along, he yel-
led at us and jumped out of his
wagon and went for us. we ran down
threw the school yard as fast as we
[78]
Of a Real Boy
cood hiper. there is a hollow in the
corner of the school yard by Bill Mor-
rills back yard and there is a little hole
in the bottom of the fence where the
fellers crawl threw when the football
goes into his garden, we skinned
threw that hole jest in time, the
gasman tried to crawl threw but he
coodent, then he clim the high fence
but while he was doing that we ran
across the carrige factory yard and
down by the old brewery up Bow
street and home, i went to bed
pretty lively and so did Beany, gosh
but we was scart.
April 7- One of Beanys warts has
gone.
April 8. brite and fair, my warts
have not gone.
C 79 ]
The Real Diary
April 9. brite and fair, my warts
have not gone.
April 10. Clowdy but no rane.
my warts have not gone.
April 11. rany. i have got 2 more
warts, i gess i hadent ought to have
broke that gaslite.
April 12. i have got another.
April 13. bully day. me and Pot-
ter Gorham and Chick Chickering
went out after toads today, i got 14
but i dident take them home you
bet.
April 15. Brite and fair, we all
went to church today to see the
Lanes, they come from New York
and when they go to church every-
body goes to see them, there was a
[80]
Of a Real Boy
boy with them named Willie, i bet
i cood lick him.
April 16. Nothing particular to-
day, dont feel very well, kind of
headaky and backaky.
April 20. have been sick for 4
days, went to school monday and
had to come home, when i got home
i fell down on the steps and mother
and aunt Sarah came out and got me
in the house and put water on my
head and rubbed my hands, and then
the Docter came and said, well Jo-
anna, children are a good deel of
truble and then he felt of my rist
and said hum, and then he looked at
my tung and said hum again, and
then he pride open my mouth and
[81]
The Real Diary
looked down my throte and said
hum, and then he pulled off my close
and looked me over rite before
mother and aunt Sarah and said well
he aint spekled eny. then he said
what have you given him Joanna
and mother said, nothing, and the
docter said, all right give him some
more, and mother said i havent giv-
en him enything docter, and then he
walked around the room and picked
up some things and looked at them
and then he gave me some of the
wirst tasting stuff i ever took, then
he said i gess he will be better to-
morrow, and then he looked at some
more things and went home, i did-
ent sleep very well that nite but was
auful hot and my head aked fearful.
[82]
Of a Real Boy
mother was in my room every time
i waked up, and Sarah too. next day
i had the docter again he looked at
some pictures and things and told
mother to give me some more, i al-
ways feel better when the docter
comes in. he dont scare a feller to
deth.
Well the next day i felt a little
better and tried to sit up and have
my britches on, but i had to lay
down again my head aked so, and
after awhile my head felt better and
as i laid there i could look out of the
window and it seamed as if little
chains that you could see through
like glass, were floating up and down,
they were about an inch long, well
i wached them till i almost went to
£83]
The Real Diary
sleep and jest as i was most asleep i
heard Beany out in the street holler,
say Pewt, did you know that Plupy
is going to die, and Pewt said course
i did, why dont you tell me some
news, and Beany said i heard he
swalowed a peech stone and Pewt
said it was liver complaint, and then
i heard some one say, you boys shet
up.
Gosh you bet i was scart. i had-
ent thought of dying, i began to
howl and holler for mother, she
came running in and i told her i was
going to die and i told her about
breaking the gaslite and a lot of
other things and she told me the
docter said i was getting better and i
wood sit up tomorrow, well i felt
[64]
Of a Real Boy
better then and wished i hadent told
mother about the gaslite becaus i
knew she wood make me tell father,
well mother set by my bed all the
afternoon and read me some out
of Billy Bolegs, jest think of her
doing that, so when supper time
came i et a lettle tost and had some
current jelly, when father come
home mother told him about the
gaslite and all he said was i wood
have to pay for it out of my cornet
money, i thought he wood keep me
in for a month, i gess mother must
have talked to him.
that nite father slep on a lounge
in my room, i went to sleep most as
soon as he come in. after awhile i
dremp i was tied on a sawlog jest go-
[85]
The Real Diary
ing nearer and nearer to the saw and
the saw was a going skratch-zoo,
skratch-zoo, skratch-zoo. well i tride
to pull away but i coodent move and
i tride to holler and i coodent make
a yip, and jest before the saw sawed
into me i woke up. gosh you bet i
was glad, but the funny part was
that i could hear the saw going
skratch-zoo, skratch-zoo, skratch-
zoo, and what do you think it was.
it was father snoring, gosh you
ought to have heard him. well at
first i lafTed, but by and by i wanted
to go to sleep and father snoring so
loud i coodent till mother came in
and told him to go to bed and she
laid on the sofa all nite. the next
day i set up and had my britches on
[86]
Of a Real Boy
and set up to the window all day. i
saw Beany and Pewt and i nocked
on the window and waved my claw
at them, i am going out tomorrow.
April 22. i went out today, it
was real warm, i dident go to
church becaus i had been sick, i let
my rooster out to fite J. Albert
Clark's, they were fiting good when
i looked up and there was father
looking over the fence, he made me
stop the fite and shet my rooster up.
i wonder if he wood have stoped
them if i hadent been there, i got 2
eggs today, the old brama that i
swaped for with Ed Tole and a bol-
ten gray that John Adams give me.
April 23. i went to school today.
i dident have to resite becaus i had
[87]
The Real Diary
been sick, if i dont get wirse i can
go to Mis Packerds concert tomorow.
hope it wont rane.
April 24. brite and fair and it did-
ent rane tonite, so i went to the con-
cert, all the girls was flowers. Keene
was a crocuss and had to come out
and sing first becaus the crocuss is
the first flower that comes out. she
sung i am the first of all the flowers
to greet the eyes of spring.
Jenny Morison was a tuch me not
and set in the top of a rock and sung
tuch me not, tuch me not let me
alone. Nell Tole was a piny or a sun-
flower i have forgot whitch. Jenny
Morison and Keene and Nell Tole
are the best singers for their size in
town, father thinks Keene can sing
[88]
Of a Real Boy
the best, he feels pretty big about
Keene. i told him so one day and he
said he had to becaus i dident
amount to enything. i think Jenny
Morison can sing the best but dont
tell him so for he wood give me a
bat.
April 25, 186- Cant go down town
for a week becaus i sassed J. Albert
Clark, that is J. Albert Clark says i
sassed him but i dident. Beany had
been working for J. Albert raking up
leaves in his garden. J. Albert was
a going to give him 10 cents for it
and me and Beany was a going to
divide up on goozeberries and juju
paist, but Beany dident dass to ask
J. Albert for his pay because he had
raked all the leaves under J. Alberts
[88]
The Real Diary
front steps and he was afraid J. Al-
bert wood find out about it and not
pay him. Beany wanted me to ask
him but i dident dass to because i let
my rooster out to fite J. Alberts last
Sunday and J. Albert dont believe
in fiting roosters, last night he was
setting on his steps with some com-
pany and he had on his best lavender
britches and his best blew coat.
So Beany said, tell you what Plu-
py, you set on your steps and i will
set on my steps and we will holler
across the street about the money
that J. Albert owes me. So Beany
he went across the street to his steps
and he hollered over, hi there Plupy
have you got any chink, and i hol-
lered back, no Beany i havent got a
Of a Real Boy
cent, and Beany he hollered i shood
have 10 cents if J. Albert Clark
wood pay me what he owes me, and
i hollered why in time dont he pay
you, and Beany hollered i gess he
hasent got any chink, and i hollered
he has probably spent all his chink
in buying them lavender britches,
and Beany he hollered, well if J.
Albert Clark needs the money more
than I do he can have it. well while
we was hollering mister Head and
•the Head girls who was setting on
their steps got up and went into the
house laffing, and the company at
J. Alberts all lafFed, and J. Albert
came down and beckoned to Beany
and Beany he went running over to
get his 10 cents and J. Albert he
[91]
The Real Diary
said, Elbridge, that is Beanys name,
Elbridge you cood have your money
enny time if you had asked me for it
decently, but now i shall not pay
you for a week and i shall not imploy
you enny more. Tell you what,
Beany came over to my steps feeling
pretty cheap and we was talking
about it when mother called me in
and sent me up stairs, and said she
wood tell father as soon as he came
home. So i went up stairs and
looked out of the window jest in time
to see Beanys father lugging Beany
in by the neck. Well that nite after
father got home he jawed me and
said i coodent go down town for a
week and made me go to J. Alberts
right before the company and ask his
[9*3
Of a Real Boy
forgiveness, and Beany had to to. J.
Albert was a pretty good fellow and
said it was all right, and dident want
our fathers not to let us go down
town, but father said i must learn to
be respectable to my elders. Gosh
we dident know J. Albert was a el-
der. We knowed elder Stevens and
elder Stewart and deacon Gooch and
we always was respectable to them,
and if we had knowed that J. Albert
Clark was a elder we woodent have
sassed him for nothing.
April 26. Yesterday and day be-
fore it was brite and fair, and yester-
day was as warm as summer, today
it was cold and it snowed a little,
jest enuf to make the ground look
as if it was covered with salt, the
The Real Diary
birds looked all humped up. i bet
the frogs hind legs is about froze, it
is raining now. if i was a frog i
woodent come out of the mud until
summer, perhaps they cant stay un-
der more than six months.
April 27. Warm again. 2 eggs
today, i have got another hen.
Willyam Perry Molton gave it to
me. it is a leghorn and his other
hens licked it and made its comb
bludy and so he gave it to me. it was
on the nest today but did not lay. i
went to church. Mr. Cram preech-
ed. he talked all about birds and
flowers and i liked it.
April 28. brite and fair, all 3 hens
were on the nest but dident lay.
April 29. no eggs today, mother
[94]
Of a Real Boy
said the hens cackled all the morn-
ing, brite and fair.
April 30. i dont see what the
mater is with my hens, i havent got
1 egg this week, father said there
was a rat in the koop. i got a steel
trap of Sam Diar and tonite i set it
in the koop. i put a peace of cheeze
on it. tomorrow morning i ges mi*
ter rat wont steal any more eggs.
May 1. what do you think, this
morning i got up to get my rat and
i found that my best hen, the bolton
gray that John Adams gave me had
tried to pick the cheeze out of the
trap and the trap had caught her by
the neck and killed her. i felt most
bad enuf to cry. i thought i cood
get up before the hen did. i went to
[95]
The Real Diary
the may brekfast today, it was may-
fair day and they had a brekfast.
me and Pewt, Beany, Whacker and
Pozzy Chadwick, Micky Gould, Pop
Clark, Prisilla Hobbs, Chick Chick-
ering, Potter Gorham, Pile Wood,
Curly Conner and all the fellers were
there, we had a good time and et
till just before school time and we
had to hiper so as not to be late.
May 2. no eggs today, both hens
went on the nest, i am going to lay
for that rat with my bowgun.
May 3. what do you think, this
noon i set in the hen koop 1 hour,
the brama went on the nest and set
a while and came off and cakled,
then i looked and she had lade an
egg. i left the egg there and hid be-
[96 ]
Of a Real Boy
hind a barrel and got my bowgun
ready for the rat. well the leghorn
hen went on the nest and i suposed
she was a going to lay, but she broke
rite into that egg and began to gob-
ble it up. i was so mad that i let
ding at her with the bowgun and
just then she stuck up her head and
the arrow took her rite in the back
of the head, well i wish you cood
have seen her. she hollered one little
pip and then went rite out of the
nest backwards and flapped round
awful, i picked her up and she was
dead, i dident mean to kill her, i
only wanted to make her jump and
learn her not to eat eggs. O dear, i
dont know what father will say when
he finds it out.
[97]
The Real Diary
May 5, 186- Saw a bully fite to-
day. Cris Staples and Charlie Clark.
Charlie is visiting his uncle J. Albert
Clark, the feller that we sassed. that
is he said we did but we dident.
Charlie is a city feller, he lives in
Chelsy and think he knows a pile
about things and gets mad if we call
him names, now every feller who
amounts to anything has a nick-
name, and some of them have 2 or
3. my nicknames are Plupy and
Skinny and Polelegs, and Beany is
called Bullethead and sometimes
Fatty, i told Charlie that if i called
him Charlie the fellers would call
him sissy or Mary and he better
agree to let me call him bulldog or
tomcat or diddly or gobbler or some
[98]
Of a Real Boy
nickname whitch wood mean some-
thing, but he said he would lam the
head off of enny feller which called
him names.
well you jest see what trouble he
got into for not having a nickname,
he would have knowed better than
that if he hadent lived in Chelsy.
Well today me and Charlie was
setting on his steps. Beany was mad
because i was going with Charlie and
he had gone riding with his father
and he felt pretty big because his
father let him drive, well while we
were setting there along came Cris
Staples who carries papers for Lane
and Rollins store, and Cris hollered
over, hullo Polelegs. Charlie hadent
heard enyone call me Polelegs. and
[99]
The Real Diary
i said, i woodent stand that if i was
you Charlie, now less see you lam
the head off of him, and Charlie
he started across the road and walk-
ed up to Cris and said who in time
are you calling Polelegs and Cris
wasent going to back down and said,
you, and Charlie said jest drop them
papers and i will nock your face rite
off, and Cris dropped his papers and
they went at it. it was the best fite
i have seen this year, they fit from
Mr. Head's down to Gim Ellisons
corner, and Cris licked time out of
Charlie, and Charlie began to yell
and give up and then Cris let go of
his hair and told him he was to
smart, and that it was me he was
calling Polelegs and not him, and he
[ ioo]
Of a Real Boy
better not be so smart another time,
and Cris he picked up his papers and
went off with a great slit in his jac-
ket and his necktie way round on
one side, and Charlie came home
howling and Aunt Clark, Charlie's
grandmother came out and said, that
is what you get Charlie for quareling.
see how much better Harry feels, and
i said, yes mam. Charlie is never go-
ing to speak to me again.
May 7. Beany was pretty mad
when I told him about the fite be-
cause he dident see it. i gess he will
find it don't pay to get mad with
me. i saw Charlie today but he did-
ent speak, he has got a black eye.
Cris has got a funny looking nose on
one side*
The Real Diary
May 8. Chitter Robinson went in
swiming today, i bet it was cold.
May 9. Went down to the high
school yard tonite to hear the band
play, they have got a new leader a
Mister Ashman of Boston, he can
play the cornet with 1 hand, i went
down today to pay the gasman for
the gaslite i broke, it cost 1 dollar
and i have only got 87 cents for my
cornet, sometimes i dont believe i
shall ever get that cornet. Scott
Brigam can blow a bugle, a bugle
is like a cornet only a cornet has 3
keys and a bugle is all covered with
flappers and curly things where you
put your Angers. Rashe Belnap can
play a cornet splendid but he dont
play very often. Frank Hirvey plays
£ 102]
Of a Real Boy
one that goes over his shoulder way
behind his back, gosh i wish i cood
get a cornet.
May 10. father has found out
about my killing that hen. he did-
ent get mad but said i ought to have
cut her head off and she wood be
good to eat, but i supose it is to late
now for it is almost a week ago and
i burried her the next day.
May 11. me and Potter Gorham
went mayflowering today, i got a
bunch and sold them to a student
named Chizzum for 35 cents, i put
it with my cornet money, i have
now got $1.22. i can get a cornet
for 25 dollars a second hand. one. i
am afraid i shall never get that cor-
net
The Real Diary
May 12. Rany last nite and this
morning, in the afternoon it cleared
up. gosh i wish you cood see the
licking Beany got tonite. me and
Beany went out to go up to see
Pewt and make some sweet fern si-
gars. Beany came over for me and
went up to Pewts. on the way Bea-
ny went up an rung his doorbell and
we hid behind the fence and Mister
Watson, Beany's father, came out
holding a light and shading it with
his hand, the wind blew the lite out
and in going in again he hit his head
an awful bump against the door, me
and Beany nearly died laffing only
we tride not to lafT too loud, well
we went up to Pewts and Pewt had
been sent to bed for something and
El *;)
Of a Real Boy
so we started back and met a man
who said is this you Elbridge, it was
pretty dark and Beany said yes and
Mister Watson grabbed us both by
the collar and said, so you are the
boys who rung my doorbell and then
he give Beany a rap on the side of
the head and began to shake him
round lively and while he was shak-
ing Beany up i put for home, i hid
behind the fence and i cood hear him
say i will learn you to asosiate with
that misable Shute boy and wast
your time ringing doorbells, and Bea-
ny was saying, o father i will never
do it again, i nearly died laffing to
hear Beany a rattling round on the
sidewalk, i hope Mister Watson
wont tell father, i gess he wont for
1 105 3
The Real Diary
he gets over his mad pretty quick,
every time i think of Beanys legs fly-
ing round in the air i giggle rite out
and when i think of Mister Watson
bumping his head i nearly die. some-
times i think it pays to be tuff.
May 13, 186- Keene and Cele have
got some new crokay slippers, you
bet they feel pretty big about it.
May 14. nothing particular to-
day.
May 15. Went in swimming to-
day, the water was pretty cold but
i swum acros the river twise.
May 16. the suckers have come.
Potter Gorham caught three yester-
day, me and Potter was going yes-
terday after school but father wood-
[ 106 ]
Of a Real Boy
ent let me becaus i dident split my
kindlings.
May 17. the band played tonight,
father made me go to bed at nine
but i cood hear it becaus my window
is jest acros the road, they are play-
ing a new peace, it is the woodup
quickstep, they say Ned Kendall
cood play it on a bugle better than
ennybody. old Robinson cood and
Mister Ashman can play it splendid,
it goes
ta-ta tata, ta-ta tata, ta-ta tata
tatatatatatata.
ta-te-ta-te-tiddle iddle-a
ta-te-ta-te-tiddle iddle-a
ta-te-ta-te-tiddle-iddle-a
tiddle-iddle-iddle-iddle-ata
[107]
The Real Diary
it is the best peace they play except
departed days, that always makes
me feel like crying it is kinder sad
like, i hope i can get my cornet
some day.
May 19. had a auful toothake to-
day and had to go down to docter
Pitman and he pulled it out. i tell
you it hurt. Docter Pitman said
the roots must have reached way to
the back of my neck. Beany went
with me and then told all round that
i hollered, you jest wait Beany.
May 21. erly this afternoon me
and Fatty Melcher got some real se-
gars at Henry Simsons store and
went down behind old man Chur-
chills store and smoked them, we
were both auful sick and laid there
[106]
Of a Real Boy
all the afternoon, when i went home
i walked wobbly and mother asked
me if i was sick and she put me to
bed and was going to send for the
docter, but father came in and when
he found out what aled me he laffed
and said it served me rite, then after
supper he set out on the steps rite
under my window and smoked a old
pipe and i cood smell it and i thought
i shood die. then mother asked him
to go away and he laffed and said all
rite, but he gessed i had enuf for one
day and she said she gessed so and i
gess so too. he said if it hadent made
me sick he wood have licked me.
i dont see why it is so, father
swears sometimes when he hits his
thum with a hammer and once when
[ 109 ]
The Real Diary
he was in the dark he was walking
towards the door with his arms out
to feel for the door, one arm went on
one side of the door and the other
arm on the other side and he hit his
nose a fearful bump rite on the ege
of the door, and i wish you cood have
heard him swear, well if i swear he
licks me, and he smokes and if i do
he says he will lick me and he dont
go to church and if i dont go he says
he will lick me. O dear i gess i wont
smoke enny more.
May 22. Went in swimming to-
day twise, once down to the raceway
and once up to the gravel.
May 23. Went butterflying with
Chick Chickering today, it is a little
early for them, but we got two blew
i mi
Of a Real Boy
and black ones and three little red
ones. Me and Chick are making
aquariams. Chick has got a splendid
glass one. i made mine out of a but-
ter firkin, i sawed it off half way and
then washed it out with soft soap
and rensed it 2 or 3 times and then i
put in some white sand and stones
and i have got some little minnies
and kivies and a little pickerel, it
looks splendid and i change the
water every 3 days.
May 24. Nothing particular to-
day.
May 25. i can swim under water
from the big tree on Moulton's side
of the river at the gravel to the tree
on the bank on Gilman's side, i
went in 3 times today,
[in ]
The Real Diary
May 26. My rooster is sick, i gess
he has et something, he sits all
humped up. i went in swimming 2
times today.
May 27. My rooster is pretty sick,
i tride to give him some kiann pep-
per tonite. father said kiann pepper
was good for sick hens, so i held his
mouth open and give him a spoonful,
when i let him go he kept his mouth
open and sorter sneezed pip -craw
pip-craw pip-craw, and then he went
to the water dish and began to drink,
i think he is better because he had-
ent drank any water for 2 days be-
fore, he was still drinking when i
went away, i gess he will be a lot
better tomorrow.
May 28. What do you think, this
[112]
Of a Real Boy
morning when i went out to feed
my hens i found my rooster dead,
he had drank up all the water and he
was all puffed up. i felt pretty bad.
father says i gave him enuf kiann
pepper for a horse, he aught to have
told me. he was a pretty good roos-
ter too. i am having pretty tuff
luck.
May 29. i read over my diary to-
day, i have forgot to tell whether it
was brite and fair or rany, i cant say
now.
May 30, 186- Nothing particular
today, brite and fair.
May 31. brite and fair, went up
to Whacker Chadwicks today after
school to help him plant his garden,
we had about a bushel of potatoes to
C"3]
The Real Diary
plant and it was fun to sit round a
basket and cut up the potatoes, af-
ter a while Gim Erly and Luke Man-
nux cume along and we began to
plug potatoes at them, they plugged
them back and we had a splendid
fite, me and Whack and Pozzy and
Boog Chadwick on one side and Gim
Erly and Luke Mannux and Bob
Ridly on the other. Luke Mannux
hit me twice rite in the back of the
head, i am going up tomorrow to
help them some more, went in swim-
ming once to-day.
May 32 no i mean June 1. i went
up to Chadwicks after school. Cap-
tin Chadwick was there and they
wasent enny pluggin potatoes, went
in swimming.
[114]
Of a Real Boy
June 2. Rany. Beany is mad with
me. i dont care.
June 3. went to church today.
June 4. clowdy but no rane. went
up to Chadwicks today and sawed
wood. Boog and Pozzy fit while me
and Whack sawed wood then we
went in swiming down to Sandy
Bottom, some body tide some hard
gnots in my shirt, i forgot to split
my kindlings tonite.
June 5. brite and fair. Beany is
still mad.
June 6. brite and fair, i know
what Beany is mad about, he thinks
i told about his getting a licking, i
dident tell, he can stay mad if he
wants to.
June 7. father has bought a horse
C ns ]
The Real Diary
of Dan Randlet. i rode up to Brent-
wood with Sam Diar to get it. it is
the prettiest horse i ever saw. i rode
it down from Brentwood and it goes
jest as easy as sitting on a spring
board, when i got home Beany got
over his mad and came over and i
gave him a ride, me and Beany
never were mad so long before.
June 9. Rany. this afternoon me
and Beany and father went to ride
with the new horse, her name is
Nellie.
June 10. brite and fair, we keep
Nellie down to Jo Hanes stable.
Frank Hanes is learning me how to
clean her off! she nipped my arm to-
day and made a black and blew spot,
went in swimming today.
[116]
Of a Real Boy
i have to get up every morning
and harnes Nelly and drive father to
the depot, i like it because i always
race with the men coming down
front street, there is George Dergin
and Fred Sellivan and Gim Wingit
and i can beat them all. i dont tell
father that i race, i rode Nellie this
afternoon with Frank Hanes and Ed
Tole. i dident go in swimming to-
day.
June 11. brite and fair. Nellie
kicked me today, i gess i scrached
her today to hard with the cury-
comb. it dident hurt me much, i
went in swimming twise.
June 12. brite and fair. Me and
Chick Chickering went bullfroging
today, we got 3 dozen hind legs and
£ 117]
The Real Diary
sold them to Mr. Hirvey for 30 cents
and took our pay in icecream.
June 13. Rode Nellie this noon, i
have to go to the half past five train
every nite for father, i like to drive
but i dont like to go every nite.
June 14. Rashe Belnap and Hor-
ris Cobbs go in swimming every
morning at six o'clock, i got a lick-
ing today that beat the one Beany
got. last summer me and Tomtit
Tomson and Cawcaw Harding and
Whack and Poz and Boog Chadwick
went in swimming in May and all
thru the summer until October, one
day i went in 10 times, well i dident
say anything about it to father so as
not to scare him. well today he did-
ent go to Boston and he said i am
[118]
Of a Real Boy
going to teech you to swim, when i
was as old as you i cood swim said he,
and you must lern, i said i have been
wanting to lern to swim, for all the
other boys can swim, so we went
down to the gravil and i peeled off
my close and got ready, now said he,
you jest wade in up to your waste and
squat down and duck your head un-
der, i said the water will get in my
nose, he said no it wont jest squat
rite down, i cood see him laffin when
he thought i wood snort and sputter,
so i waded out a little ways and
then div in and swam under water
most across, and when i came up i
looked to see if father was supprised.
gosh you aught to have seen him.
he had pulled oft' his coat and vest
£119 3
The Real Diary
and there he stood up to his waste
in the water with his eyes jest bug-
ging rite out as big as hens eggs, and
he was jest a going to dive for my
dead body, then i turned over on
my back and waved my hand at him.
he dident say anything for a minute,
only he drawed in a long breth. then
he began to look foolish, and then
mad, and then he turned and started
to slosh back to the bank where he
slipped and went in all over. When
he got to the bank he was pretty
mad and yelled for me to come out.
when i came out he cut a stick and
whaled me, and as soon as i got home
he sent me to bed for lying, but i
gess he was mad becaus i about scart
the life out of him. but that nite i
[120]
Of a Real Boy
heard him telling mother about it
and he said that he div 3 times for
me in about thirty feet of water, but
he braged about my swiming and
said i cood swim like a striped frog.
i shall never forget how his boots
went kerslosh kerslosh kerslosh when
we were skinning home thru cros-
lots. i shall never forget how that
old stick hurt either, ennyhow he
dident say ennything about not go-
ing in again, so i gess i am all rite.
June 15, 186- Johnny Heeld, a
student, came to me and wanted me
to carry some tickets to a dance
round to the girls in the town, there
was about 1 hundred of them, he read
the names over to me and i said i
knew them all. so after school me
[ 121 ]
The Real Diary
and Beany started out and walked
all over town and give out the tick-
ets, i had a long string of names
and every time i wood leave one i
wood mark out the name, i dident
give the Head girls any because they
told father about some things that
me and Beany and Pewt did and the
Parmer girls and the Cilley girls liv-
ed way up on the plains and i dident
want to walk up there, so when i
went over to Hemlock side to give
one, i went over to the factory board-
ing house and give some to them,
they was auful glad to get them too
and said they would go to the dance,
some people was not at home and so
i gave their tickets to the next house,
it took me till 8 o'clock and i got 1
C 122]
Of a Real Boy
dollar for it. i dont beleive those
girls that dident get their tickets
will care much about going ennyway.
i gess the Head girls wont want to
tell on me another time.
June 16. Dennis Cokely and
Tomtit Tomson had a fite behind
Hirvey's resterent today. Hirvey
stopped them jest as they were hav-
ing a good one. Thats jest the way.
i dont see why they always want to
stop a fite. All fellers fite for is to
see which can lick, and how can they
tell unless they fite it out.
June 17. Brite and fair. They is
going to be a big cattle show here
this fall. They are going to have it
in a field up by the depot. They are
going to have horse trots and shows
[123]
The Real Diary
and everything. We are going to
have no school, it dont come for an
auful while yet. Charles Taylor is
going to have Nelly to ride.
June 18. Me and Mickey Gould
had a race horseback, he had one of
Ben Merril's little black horses, we
raced way round Kensington ring, i
cood beat trotting and he cood beat
running, when i got home Nelly
was so swetty that father told me
not to ride her for a week.
June 19. Went up to Chadwicks
after school. Boog and Whack got
Willie fiting with Johnny Rogers.
Willie licked him. Willie is Whack's
h'ttle brother, he is a auful cunning
little feller, he can fite too. all the
Chadwick's can fite.
[ 124J
Of a Real Boy
June 20. Brite and fair, i am go-
ing fishing tonite with Potter Gor-
ham.
June 21. brite and fair, went
fishing today with Potter Gorham.
i cought 5 pirch and 4 pickeril. i
cleaned them and we had them for
supper, father said they was the best
fish he ever et. i also cought the
biggest roach i ever saw, almost as
big as a sucker, and i cant tell what
i did with him. i thought Potter
had hooked him for fun, but he said
he dident, and we hunted every-
where for him. i dont know where i
put that roach.
June 22. the students had their
dance last nite. they had a auful
time, some of the girls which dident
C 125]
The Real Diary
get no tickets was mad, and the
students which wanted them to go
was mad and they went to Johnny
Heeld and give him time, then he
went round and told them how it
was and give them tickets, well the
nite of the dance everything was all
rite until lots of people came which
hadent been on the list, but which
we had given tickets, well the stu-
dents dident want to let them in and
they were mad, and Chick Randal
hit a student named Pendry rite in
the nose and nocked his glasses off
and Nichols nocked Johnny Lord
way acros the entry and they was
going to have a big fite when Bob
Carter and 2 or 3 men stoped it. to-
day Johnny Heeld came down to
[ 126]
Of a Real Boy
the house and said i had got things
all mixed up and father made me
give back the dollar, but he told
Johnny Heeld he hadent ought to
have let me try such a hard job.
Gosh, i am glad father thinks it was
a mistake, and dont know that i did
it on purpose.
June 23. there is a dead rat in the
wall in my room, it smells auful.
June 24. Rany. most time for
vacation, the smell in my room is
fearful.
June 25. more trouble today, it
seems as if there wasent any use in
living, nothing but trouble all the
time, mother said i coodent sleep in
that room until the rat was taken
out. well father he came into my
[127]
The Real Diary
room and sniffed once and said,
whew, what a almity smell, then
he held his nose and went out and
came back with mister Staples the
father of the feller that called me
Polelegs. well he came in and put
his nose up to the wall and sniffed
round until he came to where my
old close hung, then he said, thun-
der George, this is the place, rite be-
hind this jacket, it is the wirst smell
i ever smelt, then he threw my close
in a corner and took out his tools
and began to dig a hole in the wall,
while father and mother and aunt
Sarah stood looking at him and hold-
ing their nose, after he dug the hole
he reached in but dident find enny-
thing, then he stuck in his nose and
[ 128]
Of a Real Boy
said, it dont smell enny in there,
then they all let go of their nose and
took a sniff and said murder it is
wirse than ever it must be rite in the
room somewhere, then father said
to me, look in those close and see if
there is ennything there, so i looked
and found in the poket of my old
jaket that big roach that i lost,
when i went fishing with Potter
Gorham. it was all squashy and
smelt auful. father was mad and
made me throw the jaket out of the
window and wont let me go fishing
for a week, ennyway i know now
what became of my roach.
June 26. Keene and Cele are go-
ing to sing in the Unitarial quire,
father says he will give them some
[ 129]
The Real Diary
bronze boots, mother got them some
new nets for their hair today, girls
has lots more done for them than
fellers.
June 27, 186- Brite and fair,
school closed today, we dont have
enny more school til September,
snapcrackers have come. 8 cents a
bunch at old Langlys store. Lane
and Rollins sell them for 10 cents,
torpedos 8 cents a bunch, pin wheels
1 cent each. Pewt is going to have
a cannon, father wont let me have
a cannon, he says i dont know enny
more than to look into it and blow
my head off!
June 28. clowdy but no rane. 4th
of July pretty soon, father says
when he was a boy all they had for
C 130]
Of a Real Boy
fireworks was balls of wool soaked in
tirpentine whitch they lit and fired
round, i am glad i did not live
then.
June 30. clowdy but no rane.
went in swimming 3 times today, i
am going bullfroging monday.
June 31. no July 1. Went to
church today.
July 2. i went bullfroging today,
thunder storm today.
i have got 10 bunches of snapcrack-
ers and some slowmatch. i spent a
dolar of my cornet money, i gess i
shall never get that cornet, i hope
it wont rane the 4th.
July 3. Nite before 4th. Pewt and
Beany can stay out all nite. father
took my snapcrackers into his room
[ 131 ]
The Real Diary
and said if i get up before 5 i cant
have enny.
July 4. i am to tired to wright
enny thing, i never had so much
fun in my life, i only got burned 5
times. 1 snapcracker went off rite
in my face and i coodent see enny-
thing til mother washed my eyes
out. Zee Smith fired a torpedo and
a peace of it flew rite in the corner
of my eye and made a blew spot
there, i fired every one of my
snapcrackers. it took me all
day.
July 5. brite and fair, i dident
wake up today til 10 o'clock, i was
pretty sore and my eyes felt as if they
was sawdust in them.
July 6. brite and fair, father staid
[ 132 ]
Of a Real Boy
home today, i wanted him to go
fishing but he woodent.
July 7. father told me i cood go
fishing and stay all day. i dont know
what had come over him becaus most
always he raises time when i go fish-
ing and dont come home erly. so i
went and cought 3 pickerels and 4
pirch and 2 hogbacks and went in
swiming 2 times, well as i was a
coming home 2 or 3 people met me
and said they was company at my
house, so when i got home i skined
in the back way so as not to see the
company til i got on my best britch-
es, but i met father in the door and
he told me to go rite up to mothers
room and see the company, so i
skined up to her room holding my
[ 133]
The Real Diary
hand behind me becaus i had tore my
britches auful getting over a fence
and i dident want the company to
see. well what do you think the
company was. it was the homliest
baby you ever see, it looked jest like
a munky and made feerful faces and
kinder squeaked like. Mother was
sick and they was a old fat woman
who told me to go out, but mother
said she wanted to see me and she
kissed me and asked me to kiss the
baby, i dident want to but i did it
becaus mother was sick, mother
asked me how many fish i caught
and what kind and i told her and said
she shood have some for her supper,
but she said she gessed she woodent
have enny jest then.
[ 134 ]
Of a Real Boy
then i went down stairs and father
^aid did i like the baby and i said it
was homly, and he said it was 10
times as good looking as i was and
he said he was glad that when the
baby grode up it woodent have Beany
and Pewt to play with and woodent
be tuff like me, and then Aunt Sarah
said she gessed me and Beany and
Pewt wasent enny tuflfer than father
and Gim Melcher were when they
was boys, and then father lafFed and
told me to go to bed and i went,
that was a auful homly baby enny-
way.
July 8. nothing particular today,
you bet that baby can howl, went
to church.
July 9, brite and fair, most every
[ 135 ]
The Real Diary
morning we go up in mothers room
to see the old fat woman wash the
baby and hear it howl, it turns black
in the face, i bet it will be a fiter.
July 10. i have got a new nick-
name, it is yallerlegs. that is becaus
father bought me a pair of kinder
yellow britches, and made me wear
them, i bet he woodent like to be
called yallerlegs.
July 11. brite and fair, went in
swiming today to a new place, we
call it the stump, it is up by the
eddy.
July 12. a thunder storm, in the
afternoon went fishing but dident
get a bite. Pewts father says fish
wont bite after a thunder storm.
July 13. a auful hot day. tonite
[ 136 ]
Of a Real Boy
i went up to the depot to see Majer
Blake and Charles Tole fite over pas-
sengers to the beach.
July 14. i am going to the beach
to stop with Beany in his fathers
tent, it is called hotel de pig.
July 15. i gess i will go tomor-
row.
July 16. me and Beany went to
the beach and stopped all day and all
nite. we had a bully time.
July 17. another hot day. went
in swiming 4 times, my back is all
burned.
July 18. me and Beany got in the
newsleter today, the paper said the
Siamese twins was at the beach stop-
ing at Watsons tent. Pewt was mad
becaus we got in the paper and he
[137]
The Real Diary
dident and told all round that it did-
ent mean me and Beany but Rashe
Belnap and Horris Cobbs.
July 19. Hot as time, nothing
particular today.
July 20. Hot as time, nothing
particular today.
July 21. Auful hot. big thunder
shower and litening struck a tree in
front of Perry Moltons house.
July 22. Went to church. Beany
let the wind out of the organ and it
squeaked and made everybody laflf.
Keene and Cele sing in the quire,
father feels pretty big about it.
July 23. i got stung by hornets
today, i went in swiming at the ed-
dy and when i was drying my close
i set rite down on a stump where
[ 138 ]
Of a Real Boy
there was a nest of yellow bellied
hornets, they all lit on me and i
thought i was afire for a minit. i
ran and div rite off the bank and
swam way out under water, when i
came up they were buzing round jest
where i went down, when i came
out the fellers put mud on my bites
and after a while they stoped hurt-
ing, i tell you the fellers jest died
laffing to see me run and holler.
July 24. Brite and fair, i was all
sweled up with hornet bites but
they dident hurt enny, i looked jest
like Beany when he had the mumps,
everyone laffed at me.
July 25. i got a fishhook in my
leg today, me and Fatty Melcher
was a fishing when we got our lines
[139]
The Real Diary
tangled, i hollered first cut, but i
dident have enny nife and Fatty
woodent let me have his nife. So we
got jerking our lines kinder mad like
and all of a suddin the hook got into
my leg. gosh you bet it hurt, me
and Fatty got the hook out but it
bled some, the worst of it was there
was a wirm on the hook and when
we got the hook out they wasent
enny wirm there. Fatty says people
sometimes dies from having wirms
in them, i bet this one has crawled
way in. it may grow inside of me.
something is always hapening to
me. when i got home i went down
to docter Derborns store and bought
some wirm medicine and swalowed
[ 140 ]
Of a Real Boy
sum. it was auful bitter, it cost 20
cents out of my cornet money.
July 26. brite and fair, i was all
rite today except my leg was stiff!
mother asked what made me lame
and she put on a peace of pork, i
told her about the wirm and she said
the pork wood draw him out if he
was there but she gessed he dident
go in. when i told her about the
wirm medecine she jest set down and
lafFed. so i gess i needent wory
about having wirms. i went down
to doctor Derborns and tride to get
him to take the medicine back but
he said he woodent. i think he is
pretty mean not to.
July 27. i coodent go in swiming
[ 141 ]
The Real Diary
today on account of my leg. all the
fellers went in and i had to set on
the bank and see them.
July 28. Coodent go in swiming
today either, my leg is nearly well,
mother took off the pork today, it
was all white where the pork was.
i can go in swiming Monday, i went
down to the library tonite. it is the
first time i have been down since Joe
Parsons chased me out. i gess he has
forgotten it. i got out Bush Boys to
read, it is a splendid book about
shooting lions and zebras and gerafs
and everything.
July 29. i tried to have father let
me stay away from church today be-
cause my leg was sore but he said all
rite you can stay, but i gess that leg
[ 142 ]
Of a Real Boy
will be too sore to let you go in
swiming this week, so i went to
church and dident limp enny. this
afternoon i set under the apple tree
and read Bush Boys, father and mo-
ther went to ride with Nellie, it is
the first time mother has been out.
Aunt Sarah took care of the baby,
they gess they will name it Edward
Ashman Shute. i gess it is named
Ashman after the leader of the band,
i am going to tell him tomorrow and
see if he wont sell me a cornet on
trust, brite and fair.
July 30. Brite and fair, i told fa-
ther i was going down to see Mr,
Ashman, and he said if you ever do
i will lick you. the babys name is
Edward Ashton Shute and not Ash-
[ 143]
The Real Diary
man, i woodent name him for enny
cornet player, it is pretty tuff luck,
if i cood have got that cornet i wood-
ent have minded a licking, went in
swiming today.
July 31. Franky had the croop
last nite. i waked up and heard him
cough auful funny and kinder as if
his throte was tite. i called mother
and she came in and hollered for
Aunt Sarah and father and they
rushed round lively and gave him egg
and sugar and put hot cloths on his
throte til he howled and after he cood
howl he was all well. Aunt Sarah
took him in with her the rest of the
nite. father said i was a brick to
wake up and call them, i dont know
[ 144 ]
Of a Real Boy
vviieri he has called me a brick before,
went in swiming 3 times to-day.
Aug. 1. brite and fair. Annie
tumbled down the front steps from
the top to the bottom, she howled
and mother thought she was about
killed but she was so fat that she did-
ent hurt her.
Aug. 2. father came home early-
to-day and took mother and Aunt
Sarah and Keene & Georgie to ride.
Me and Cele staid to look after the
house. Cele went up stairs to look
after the baby and when she was
gone i got Annie and Franky fiting.
it was the funniest fite i ever saw.
they jest pushed each other round
and tried to claw each other, while
[ 145 ]
The Real Diary
they was fiting Cele came down stairs
and pulled them apart and boxed
their ears and made them go in
different rooms. She jawed me and
said she wood tell father, when fa-
ther came home she told on me and
father sent me to bed at six o'clock.
You jest wait Cele and you will find
out.
Aug. 3, 186- brite and fair, the
fellers played a pretty mean trick on
me tonite. they played it on Nibby
Hartwel last nite. Nibby is visiting
his aunt and comes from the city and
is pretty green like most folks from
the city, you see if i hadent got sent
to bed becaus Cele told on me i wood
have been there and seen them play
it on Nibby. well last nite all the
[ 146 ]
Of a Real Boy
fellers was out. Whack and Boog
and Pozzy and Pewt and Beany and
Nipper and Cawcaw and Pile and
Chick and Micky and Pricilla and
Fatty. Nibby he was there too.
they wanted to play lead the old
blind horse to water and i was to be
the blind horse, they said they had
some fun playing it the nite before,
that was when they played it on
Nibby but i dident know that. Well
you blindfole a feller and give him a
rope and a swich and the other fellers
get on the other end of the rope and
the feller nearest you has a bell and
rings it and you pull and if you can
pull him up to you, you can paist
time out of him with your swich,
only if you pull off your blindfole
[147]
The Real Diary
all the fellers can paist time out of
you. Well they blindfoled me and
hollered ready and i began to yank
and pull and the feller rung his bell
and he came pretty hard at first but
i kept yanking and bimeby he come
so quick that i nearly fell over back
wards and i felt him and grabed him
and began to paist time out of him
when he grabed away my swich and
began to paist me, and that wasent
fair and i pulled off my blindfole and
who do you suppose it was, well it
was Wiliam Perry Molton and he
was mad. they had tied me to his
door bell and i had yanked out almost
ten feet of wire, when i saw who it
was gosh i began to holler and he
stoped licking me. i gess he never
[ 1*8]
Of a Real Boy
licked anyone before because he did-
ent know jest how to lay it on. well
when he found out how it was he let
me go but he said he shood have to
do something about the boys distirb-
ing him so. it was a pretty mean
trick to play on a feller, we are go-
ing to try arid play it on Pop Clark
tomorrow nite.
Aug. 4. brite and fair, me and
Hiram Mingo had a race today to
see whitch cood swim the furtherest
under water, i beat him easy, he
can lick me but i can beat him swim-
ing.
Aug. 5. Nothing particular today,
only church.
Aug. 6. the baby was sick today,
had the doctor.
[ 149 ]
The Real Diary
Aug. 7. the baby was sicker, i
dident go in swiming.
Aug. 8. the baby is better today,
i went in swiming 5 times.
Aug. 9. Raned all day. The baby
is all rite, i went bullfroging with
Chick Chickering.
Aug. 10. Nellie is sick. JoeHanes
cut a hole in her and put in a onion
and some braded hair and then father
took her out to pastur. i cant ride
her for a month.
Aug. 11. brite and fair, mister
Watson, Beanys father got throwed
off of his horse today and renched
his rist. the horse coodent have
throwed him but the gert broke.
Mister Watson can ride splendid.
[ 150 ]
Of a Real Boy
Aug- 12. brite and fair. No more
church this month, bully.
Aug. 13. brite and fair, i went
down to Ed Toles and me and Ed
rode on the hack with Joe Parmer.
Aug. 14. Ed Tole and Frank
Hanes are mad. Frank hollered over
to Ed, Ed Tole fell in a hole and
coodent get out to save his sole, and
Ed hollered back Frank Hanes aint
got no branes. and then they was
mad.
Aug. 15. Wiliam Perry Molton
has got some ripe apples in his back
yard, me and Pewt helped him ketch
some hens today and he said we cood
have some apples if they was any on
the ground, they was only 2 wirmy
[ 151 ]
The Real Diary
ones but before we left 5 or 6 fell off
i gess it was becaus Pewt pushed me
agenst the tree, they was pretty
good apples too.
Aug. 16. Rany. i went fishing
with Potter Gorham. caught 3 roach
and 5 hornpowt. we et them for sup-
per, father said i can clean fish most
as well as he can. he says he will
come home some day erly and go a
fishing.
Aug. 17. John Gardner has hung
up a Grant and Colfax flag, they
will be some fun this fall.
Aug. 18. brite and fair. Today i
went fishing with Fatty Melcher.
we caught some ells and some horn-
powt, ells and hornpowt can live a
[ 152 ]
Of a Real Boy
long time out of water and so when
i got home i put 5 that were alive in
the rane water barril.
Aug. 19. brite and fair, it is fun
to sit round all day Sunday and not
have to go to church.
Aug. 20. brite and fair, i had to
spend the whole morning in going to
the river for water for washing, it
was wash day and when mother
went to the rane water barril there
was 5 dead hornpowt floting on the
top. she made me tip the barrel over
and get water from the river, they
was some fun for Beany helped me
and he stood in the hand cart and
filled the tubs and all of a sudden i
let go and the old cart flew up and
[ 153 ]
The Real Diary
Beany and the tub and the pail and
everything went rite in. Beany isent
going to speak to me ever again.
Aug. 21, 186- Gosh, we are hav-
ing fun now. what do you think,
they is going to be a big mass meet-
ing this fall. Ben Butler and Jake
Ely and lots of old pelters are going
to be here, and they is going to be 4
or 5 bands and lots of fun well be-
fore that comes they is going to be
lots of political meetings and the first
one is to be next week, and father is
going to make a speach. Gim Luv-
erin and Bil Morrill and General
Marsten and Tom Levitt, and he is
a ripper to holler, and they want fa-
ther to make a speach. father says
he must work for the party and per-
[ 154 ]
Of a Real Boy
haps he can get his salery rased, so
he has been a riting every nite and
mumbling it over to hisself and last
nite he said he had got it. tonite he
is a going to speak it to us.
Aug. 22. last nite father studed
his speach over and let us stay up to
hear it. he stood up and looked auful
stirn and put one hand in the buzum
of his shert. i coodent help laffin,
but he told me to shet up or i cood
go to bed and so i shet up. i tell you
it was fine. It begun Mister Moddi-
rator had i suposed, or for 1 moment
dremp that i a humble otfis holder
under this glorious government,
wood have been called upon to speak,
i shood have remained at home with
my wife and my children.
[ 155 ]
The Real Diary
i said, if you dont want to make a
speach why dont you stay at home
that nite, and he said 1 more word
from you sir and you go to bed. so i
dident yip again.
then he went on like this, were it
not that a crool axident in my erly
youth, in my far away boyhood days
prevented me from voluntearing and
desecrating my life to my countrys
welfare, in the strugle jest ended i
wood have poared out evry drop of
my blud to have maintaned her
owner and the owner of her flag,
mother began to laif and said George
how can you tell such feerful stories,
you know you were scart most to
deth becaus you was afraid you wood
be drafted.
[ 156 ]
Of a Real Boy
father said they was a lot of old
fellows traveling round the country
and talking that way who coodent
have been drug into the war with a
ox chane. then he stood on the oth-
er leg a while and said, it is peculi-
arly aproprate that Exeter, the berth
place of Lewis Cas, the educater of
Webster, the home of Amos Tuck,
of General Marston shood be four-
most in the party strife, and as for
me i wirk only for my partys good,
my countrys good, without feer or
hope of reward, they was a lot more
to it, and some of it you cood hear
about a mile he hollered so.
Aug. 23. We are all going the nite
of the rally, mother says she wont
go for she wood be ashamed to hear
[ 157]
The Real Diary
father tell such dredful stories.
Aunt Sarah dont want to go because
she is afraid father will brake down,
but she has got to go with me and
Keene and Cele and Georgie.
Aug. 24. father practised his
speach tonite and we all hollered and
claped at the fine parts, he has got
a new pair of boots, they hurt like
time and he only wears them nites
when he is practising his speach.
Aug. 25. father licked me tonite
becaus i spoke some of his speach to
Beany, he was auful mad and said i
was the bigest fool he ever see. the
fellers have got up a Grant Club.
Pricilla cant belong becaus he is a
demicrat.
Aug. 26. father called me and Be-
ll 158 J
Of a Real Boy
any out behind the barn tonite and
gave us 10 cents apeace if we wood-
ent say enything about his speach.
after supper father practised again
but he dident holler so loud becaus
he was afraid some body wood hear
him and mother dident want him to
wake up the baby, and it was Sunday
too.
Aug. 27. it has been brite and fair
all the week and hot as time, i have
to go to the river for soft water be-
cause it hasent raned eny since i had
to tip over the rane water barril. i
have got a little tirtle as big as a
cent, father went down to General
Marstons office tonite to arrange
about the rally, he came home and
practised about an hour, i gess he
[ 150 ]
The Real Diary
wood have practised all nite if the
baby hadent waked up an hollered.
Aug. 28. we are all getting ready
for the rally. Keene and Cele and
Georgie have got some new plad
dresses, father has got a pair of gray
britches and a black coat, mother
said the rally was a good thing be-
caus it was the first time she had
seen father dressed up since he was
married.
Aug. 29. they was a big thunder
shower last nite. we all got up in
the nite and went into mothers
room, mother sat on the fether bed
and all them that was scart cood set
there, i wasent scart. father said it
wood be jest the cussid luck to have
it rane the nite of the rally.
[ 160]
Of a Real Boy
Aug. 30. we had the last practise
tonite, father put on his best close
and new boots and the girls had on
their plad dresses and i had on a new
paper coller. we all set down and fa-
ther came in and stood up. i tell you
he looked fine, well he begun, mis-
ter modderater had i suposed or for 1
moment dremp, and then he forgot
the rest, i tell you he was mad. i
wanted to lafF but dident dass to.
well after a while he remembered and
went through it all rite, and then he
went over it 2 times more, gosh
what if he shood forget it tomorrow
nite. he is going to wright some of
it on his cufs and he practised tonite
making jestures so as to bring his
cufs; up so that he cood read it.
[161]
The Real Diary
Aug. 31. the rally is tonite. father
woke us all up last nite hollering in
his sleep, he dremp about the speach.
this morning he went to Boston
without eating his brekfast. i gess
he is begining to be scart. i am a
going to make his boots shine today,
gosh what if he shood brake down, i
gess i am getting a little scart too.
brite and fair.
Sept. 1. Last nite father came
home and the first thing he did was
to send me down to miss Pratts for
his shert. it was all pollished and
shone like glass, then he asked if i
had blacked his boots and then he et
supper, he dident eat much though,
he said Mr. Tuck came down from
Boston with him. Mr. Tuck was a
[ 162]
Of a Real Boy
going to make a speach first and
then he was going to introduce Gim
Loverin as chairman and then Gim
Loverin was a going to call on father,
father said he bet 5 dollars he wood
call him Gim instead of mister mod-
derater. father was pretty cross at
supper, i gess he was getting scart.
the baby began to cry and father
asked mother why she dident choak
the squawling brat and mother sorter
laffed and put the baby into fathers
lap and said i gess you had better
choak him. father laffed and began
to toss the baby up and down, he
likes the baby and while he was play-
ing with it he was all rite, but after
supper he was cross and said he hed
a auful headake. then he went prac-
[ 163 ]
The Real Diary
tising his speach again so as not to
call the modderater Gim. well we
got ready and went down erly to get
some good seats so as to hear father
and see him come in with them that
was to set on the platform, we
wanted to go down with father but
he said he coodent bother with us.
but before we went he came down
stairs with his new close on and he
looked fine but his face looked auful
white, he said he had a headake but
as soon as he got started to speak it
wood all go off. so we went down.
Cele had her hair curled and Keene
had a new red silk ribbon on her hair
becaus her hair wont curl and Aunt
Sarah had on a new dolman with
beeds on it and some long coral ear-
[ 164 ]
Of a Real Boy
rings and they all looked line. Aunt
Sarah took Georgie by the hand be-
caus she was the littlest and me and
Keene and Cele followed on.
When we got there the band was
playing in front of the town hall and
aunt Sarah said i cood stay out and
hear it and then said i cood sit with
Gim Wingit and Willy Swet if i
wood behave, i said i wood and we
lissened and after the band went in
we went too. most all the seats were
taken and we got some bully seats
way up in front, i looked for father
but coodent see him becaus the
speakers hadent come in. well jest
as soon as we got in the policeman
was up in front and he said they has
been to much whisling and stamping
C 165 1
The Real Diary
and the next one that whisles or
stamps will get put out. well they
was old Swane and Brown and Kize
and Dirgin and every body kept
quiet, after a few minits the band
began to play hale to the chief and
the speakers came marching up the
middle ile. i looked for father but
he wasnt there, evrybody began to
clap and stamp and Gim and Willy
asked me where my old man was. i
stood up to see if he was there and
jest then i saw the policeman a rush-
ing at me. he grabed me by the col-
lar and shook me round till i dident
know which end my head was on
and he draged me down the ile and
threw me out. as we were going
down the ile i saw Aunt Sarah run-
[ 166]
Of a Real Boy
ning down the other ile as fast as she
cood go with her bonnet on the back
of her head and Keene and Cele and
Georgie following along all bawling,
she got out in the entry jest as he
was going to put me out of the front
door and she grabed me away from
him and said you misable cowardly
retch to treat a boy that way. he
said i whisled and she said he dident
and you knew it only you dident
dass take ennyone else.
Then she told us to come home
and we went home as fast as we cood
all bawling, when we got home mo-
ther was sitting up alone and aunt
Sarah started to tell her and Keene
and Cele and Georgie all bawled and
you never heard such a noise, and
[167]
The Real Diary
father was in bed with a headake
and hollered out what in time is the
matter, and she told him and i heard
him jump out of bed and in a minit
he came out buttoning up his sus-
penders. Mother said where in the
world are you going George, and he
said things is come to a pretty pass
if a boy cant go and hear his father
make a speach without being banged
round by a policeman, i am going
down to knock the heads off every
policeman there, and he reeched for
his vest, mother said George, dont
you go near the hall, and father said
he cood lick anny 2 men on the po-
lice force easy and he would show
them how to slam people round and
[ 168 ]
Of a Real Boy
he reeched for his coat, and Keene
and Cele and Georgie began to bawl
again to think he wood get hurt and
aunt Sarah and mother said you had
better not go George, and father said
he wood give them more fun in 5
minits than they had seen in a polit-
ical rally in 5 years and he reeched
for his boots and mother said what
will they think of you after you have
sent word that you are too sick to
make a speach, to see you come rush-
ing into the hall and go punching
the policemen and father had got on
1 boot and when she said that he be-
gan to look kinder sick and said,
thunder that is so. and then his
headake got wirse and he gave me a
[ 169]
The Real Diary
twenty five cent scrip and Keene and
Cele and Georgie ten cents each and
he went to bed and so did we.
i wonder if his head aked really so
he coodent make a speach or if he
was scart. i bet he was scart.
school commences monday. father
hasent asked once about my diry, so
i aint going to wright enny more.
THIRTY YEARS (OR MORE) AFTER.
On looking back over the pages of
the "Diary" it appears to me that
some sort of an amende honorable is
due to those citizens now living, and
the relatives and friends of those now
dead, whose names have appeared in
[170]
Of a Real Boy
the " Diary' - and who have, so to
speak, been handled without gloves.
That I have been neither mobbed,
nor horsewhipped, nor sued, nor
prosecuted, but that I have enjoyed
many a good laugh with — and have
received many pleasant words from
— the victims, and their friends, is
good evidence that they, and their
more fortunate brothers who have
not been therein mentioned, have
taken the f ' Diary ' ' in the very spirit
in which it was published, that of
affectionate and amusing retrospect.
And it is indeed with affection
that I recall those men, at that
time in their prime. That I could
not then understand the reason why
they did not fully enter into and aj>
[ 171 ]
The Real Diary
predate the spirit that prompted me
and my boon companions to trans-
gress so many rules, laws, and stat-
utes is not surprising. Boys seldom
can understand it. But, although I
now fully appreciate it, I often
wonder at the spirit that prompted
so many of those men in after years
to show me so many kindnesses, so
much encouragement, and such great
forbearance.
So many inquiries have been made
of me about that cornet, the soul-fill-
ing ambition of my early years, that
I feel that the uncertainty in regard
to that delightful instrument ought
to be cleared up. I never did save
up enough money to buy a cornet.
I haven't to this day. But many
C 172 3
Of a Real Boy
years afterwards, when my ambition
had been turned into other and
equally profitless channels, upon the
death of a dear friend his beautiful
cornet was sent me. I have it now,
as the neighbors and the members
of my family can testify fully and
with deep feeling, if called upon.
H. A. S.
[178]
Dramatis Personam
A GOOD many years ago, dur-
ing my college days, it was
^ my custom and that of my
room-mate, Brown of Exeter, to
make our room the gathering-place
for Exeter boys, both "stewdcats"
and homesick Exeter youths then
filling positions in Boston. It hap-
pened that frequently undergradu-
ates from other towns and cities came
in at these Saturday evening gather-
ings and it was a matter of wonder
to them that we had so much to talk
about in relation to our native town ;
and it was their frequent remark
that "either Exeter is a remarkable
[ 177 ]
Dramatis Personae
place, or you are a remarkably loyal
set of fellows."
That Exeter is a remarkable place
is an axiom, and no better evidence
of the fact can be found (were evi-
dence necessary to sustain an axiom)
than in the loyalty that every citizen
displays, and the sincere love that
prompts every one who has ever
come under the spell of our dear old
town to revisit her at every oppor-
tunity.
Where else could a diary of this
nature, dealing with actual persons
and actual events, be published and
be received with such absolute good-
nature and even enthusiasm by the
persons now living who are men-
tioned therein?
[ 178]
Dramatis Personae
It is therefore with affection as
well as amusement that I append
the following brief biographical
sketches of persons mentioned in the
"Diary," preserving as nearly as
possible the order of their appearance
in the book. As many readers of
the "Diary" have expressed a desire
to know more of the subsequent his-
tories and achievements of those
therein mentioned, it is hoped this
information will satisfy a curiosity
and interest which, to a loyal son of
Exeter, appear quite natural : —
1. Father. George S. Shute.
A native of Exeter. For twenty-six years a clerk
in the Boston Naval Office. Still living in Ex-
eter, an old man with a young tongue ; in fact,
the quickest man at repartee in Exeter.
C 179 ]
Dramatis Personae
2. Mother.
My mother died in the winter of 1895. No
words can do justice to her qualities. "A
sweeter woman ne'er drew breath."
3. "Gim" Melcher.
An old friend of my fathers. Died in Maiden
a few years ago.
4. Some of the men who were "wrighting
fast" in the Custom House were the
following: —
George Davis, of Lexington, who a year ago
celebrated his fiftieth consecutive year of service
in the Naval Office; Colonel Ivory Pope, of
Cambridge; Benjamin A. Sidwell, of East
Boston; Jacob A. Howe, of Maiden; Frank
Harriman, a brother of the late Governor Harri-
man of Concord, N. H. ; Hiram Barrus, of
Beading, Mass., deceased; C. C. Whittemore,
of Portsmouth, N. H. ; Charles Mudge, of
Maiden; Matthew F. Whittier, of Medford,
a brother of the poet Whittier, and a newspaper-
writer of considerable prominence, writing under
[ 180 ]
Dramatis Personae
the pen-name of "Ethan Spike" ; and Tristram
Talbot, of Newburyport, with others whom the
writer does not now recall. A few years later
the writer spent several of his college vacations
as deputy clerk in the same Naval Office, and
made pleasant acquaintances with all of the
above-named men. He found them very com-
petent clerks, courteous gentlemen, and the best
story-tellers that he ever knew, and recollects
those vacations as very pleasant periods in his
school life. Some of them still hold positions in
the Custom House.
5. Charles " Talor" : Charles Taylor.
A great friend of the family. Died in Exeter
about ten years ago.
6. "Beany": E. L. Watson.
In business at Williamstown, Mass. Attained
his boyhood ambition and married Lizzie "Tole,"
Ed's sister.
7. "Pewter": C. E. Purington.
My near neighbor, a decorative painter, who
early displayed talent in this direction.
[181]
Dramatis Personae
8. "Skinny Bruce": Wm. J. Bruce.
A tinsmith of Exeter who still thinks he could
have licked Frank Elliott.
9. Frank Elliott
A successful mechanic in Boston, who is confi-
dent that he could have licked " Skinny " Bruce.
10. "Nipper": John A. Brown.
Exeter. Chairman of the School Board. Trustee
of the Seminary. Trustee of the Library. My
room-mate at Harvard.
11. "Micky" Gould.
I do not know what became of " Micky." Wher-
ever he is, there is a good-natured, jolly man.
12. Mr. Winsor.
Address not known. How he could throw a
snowball.
13. "Ed" Towle.
Exeter, N. H. With a keen memory for old
days.
14. "Dany" Wingate.
• A very prominent man. The father of J. D. R
C 182]
Dramatis Personae
and C. E. L. Wingate of the Boston Journal.
Died at Exeter many years ago.
15. "Whacker": Col. A. M. Chadwick.
Lowell, Mass.
16. "Pozzy": Austin K. Chadwick.
Lowell, Mass.
Two of the best known and most respected citi-
zens of Lowell. Dignified and sedate, but just
touch on old Exeter days and watch their eyes
twinkle and their tongues loosen.
17. "Pricilla" : Prof. Charles A. Hobbs.
Boston. Has written some dreadful mathemat-
ical works, and revisits Exeter often, but not
often enough.
18. "Pheby": Charles A. Taylor.
Has inherited the very qualities that made his
father so good a, friend.
19. "Lubbin"
Address not known.
20. "Nigger" Bell
So called because his hair was so very white.
[ 183 ]
Dramatis Personae
Professor of Chemistry in a Western University.
Died recently in Maiden.
21. Tommy Thompson: R. G. Thompson.
New London, Conn.
22. "Dutchy": Dr. William A. Sea-
MANS.
New York City. Fullback on the Harvard '77
eleven. There are several ex-principals of the
Exeter High School who will remember Thomp-
son and Seamans in very clear and vivid colors.
23. "Chick" Chickering: Prof. John J.
Chickering.
Flushing, L. I. Commissioner of Public Educa-
tion of New York State.
24. "Tady" : Timothy Finton.
Exeter. An expert wood- worker with a leaning
for politics.
25. "Gim" Wingate: James D. P. Win-
gate.
Winchester, Mass. The business manager of the
Boston Journal
[ 184]
Dramatis Personae
26. "Skipy" : H. C. Moses.
Exeter. For many years in the wholesale wool
business in Boston. One of the keenest sports-
men and best wing shots in New Hampshire.
27. "Pile": John G. Wood.
Chicago. Manager of the McKay Cordage Fac-
tory in Chicago. Promises to return to Exeter
when he has made his " pile " ($100,000).
From present indications, the prospect is favor-
able.
28. Billy Folsom : Wm. H. Folsom.
Exeter. Member of the firm of E. Folsom &
Co. Brass Works. One of Harvard's greatest
pitchers.
29. "Hoppy" Gadd.
A very eccentric but sterling citizen, who could
make cowhide boots which, like the panels in
the " one-horse shay," " would last like iron for
things like these.' ' Died in Exeter a few years
ago.
30. "Si" Smith.
The man with the " funny sine." Died in
Exeter nearly thirty years ago.
[ 185 ]
Dramatis Personae
81. " Gran " Miller and "Ben n RundleL
Addresses not known.
32. Squire Lane.
Died in Lynn.
33. Charles Buidey.
Died in Exeter. For many years Treasurer of
Phillips Exeter Academy, and Superintendent
of the " Unitarial " Sunday School.
34. "Keene": My Sister, Mrs. C. E. By-
INGTON.
Exeter. A very able and accomplished woman.
The one to whom all members of the family go
when in trouble.
35. Lucy Watson.
Mrs. Frank Conner of Lynn.
36. " Cur ley" Conner: Mr. Frank Conner*
Lynn. Husband of the aforesaid.
37. "Jo" Parsons: Mr. Joseph S. Par-
sons.
Boston. An expert bookkeeper.
[ 186]
Dramatis Personae
38. "Billy" Swett: Mr. Wm. Swett.
Jamaica Plain. I remember him as one of the
most polite and affable boys I ever met.
39. Mr. "Lovel" who said, "o hell": C.
Lovell, 2d.
One of the best amateur actors and j oiliest men
I ever knew. Died recently.
40. John Flanagan.
Exeter. A tinsmith and co-laborer with * Skin-
ny" Bruce.
41. "Gimmy" Fitzgerald.
Died at Exeter thirty years ago,
42. "Old" Head: Oren Head.
Many students will affectionately remember him.
Deceased.
43. "Bob" Carter.
The old janitor of the Town Hall. Gruff, but
very kind-hearted. Deceased.
44. "Wats": Irving M. Watson.
Father of "Beany," and pleasantly like him.
[187]
Dramatis Personae
45. John Getchell.
A liberal, free, and kind-hearted Exeter mer-
chant. Deceased.
46. Eben Fohom.
Uncle of "Billy/* and head of the firm of which
Billy is a member.
47. "Charlie": Dr. C. H. Gerrish.
48. "Doc" Prey: Dr. J. E. S. Pray.
Gentlemen both, of whom the writer can say
everything good.
49. Alice " Gewell" who was "a dary maid":
Miss Alice Jewell.
Instructor of singing in the schools of Exeter.
50. "OldKize": Philander Keyes.
A policeman of thirty years ago. Deceased.
51. "Bill" Hartnett.
Who used to make it lively for the last men-
tioned. A man of many good qualities notwith-
standing. Deceased.
[ 188 j
Dramatis Personae
52. "Old" Swain.
A contemporary of "Old Kize/' and a co-laborer
in the same vineyard.
53. "Mister" Gordon: Hon. Nathaniel
Gordon.
A retired lawyer of Exeter.
54. Dora Moses.
55. Mary "Loverin": Mrs. Mary Leth-
bridge.
Two beautiful girls and inseparable companions,
whose deaths were untimely and irreparable.
56. "Cele": My sister, Celia E. Shute.
Exeter. A stenographer, and a writer of short
stories for magazines.
57. "Cawcaw" Harding: Prof. B. F. Hard-
ing.
Boston. An early advocate of those methods of
instruction that result in "mens sana in corpore
sano."
[ 189]
Dramatis Personae
58. "Doctor'" Dearborn.
A most eccentric old apothecary. Died in Exeter
a few years ago.
59. "Aunt Sarah": Miss Sarah F. Shute.
Exeter. The favorite aunt of a large family, all
of whose geese are swans.
60. "Fatty" Melcher : F. A. Melcher.
Boston. So named because he was not fat.
61. "Genny" Morrison: Mrs. John J.
Joyce.
Andover, Mass. By not appearing at our Gram-
mar School Reunion * Genny " disappointed five
hundred people.
62. J. Albert Clark.
Exeter. One of the proprietors of the Exeter
Machine Works. He has always had a very
kindly interest in "Beany" and "Plupy," in
spite of the many annoyances he suffered at
their boyish hands.
06. "Bill" Morrill: Mr. Wm. B. Morrill.
For many years selectman of Exeter. Died in
1878.
[ 190 J
Dramatis Personae
64. "Dave" Quimby.
Every student will recollect him. Died at Exeter
recently.
65. "Chitter": James Robinson.
A truckman in Boston.
66. "Boog" Chadwick.
A New York broker, whose " heart 's in the high-
lands;" to wit, Exeter.
67. "Pop" Clark: Will Clark.
Roxbury, Mass. A born comedian and a delight-
fully entertaining man.
68. "Shinny" Thyng.
One of the few Exeter boys who continues his
father's business at the old stand. If more did
the same, the prosperity of country towns would
be assured.
69. "Gim" Erly.
Lives somewhere in the West.
70. "Honey" Donovan: William Dono-
van.
Providence.
[ 191]
Dramatis Personae
71. "Mose " Gordon.
A Texas cattle-man.
72. Mr. Lamed.
Unitarian clergyman. Deceased.
73. "Gil" Steele.
A merchant in Denver.
74. "Mis Packer d" : Mrs. Mary Packard.
A famous local singer, now living in California.
75. " Gim Loverin": James M. Lovering.
A very shrewd politician. Deceased.
76. "Old Mister Stickney" : Judge W. W.
Stickney.
With whom I studied law. Deceased ; not, how-
ever, because of that fact. Judge Stickney was
a sound lawyer and an upright, kind-hearted
man.
77. "Ed" Dearborn.
The old bell-ringer. Deceased.
78. John Quincy "Ann" Pollard: J. Q. A.
Pollard.
A very old man, upon whom the boys were wont
[ 192]
Dramatis Personae
to play tricks, but who had developed wonder-
ful precision of aim with a knotted cane. De-
ceased.
79. Dan Ranlet : D. W. Ranlet.
Boston Produce Exchange.
80. George M. Perkins.
For many years an expressman between Boston
and Exeter.
81. John E. Gibson.
Master of the Agassiz School, Boston. Residence,
Jamaica Plain. I take the opportunity to notify
him that the Exeter High School holds its quin-
quennial reunion June, 1903.
82. Isaac Shute.
A retired merchant of Exeter. Deceased.
83. Major Blake.
A famous Boniface, and for many years proprie-
tor of the Squamscott. Deceased.
84. Charles D. Towle.
An equally famous livery-stable keeper, who
[ 193]
Dramatis Personae
periodically fought to a finish with Major Blake
for passengers to Hampton Beach. Deceased.
85. Frank Haines.
A farmer. Residence, Exeter.
86. "The Baby": Edward A. Shute,
Exeter. Who can now handle his elder brother
with ease,
87. "Frankie": Frank F. Shtjte.
Who thinks he can do likewise, but cannot. A
hotel-keeper at Lakewood, New Jersey.
88. "Annie" : Miss Annie P. Shute.
Who, by virtue of a clerkship in my office, owns
the entire establishment.
89. "Georgie"
Instructor in Latin and French in the Albany
Academy, Albany, N. Y.
90. "Nibby"
A summer visitor named Hartwell. Deceased.
91. Hiram Mingo.
A colored boy. Address not known.
[ 194 ]
Dramatis Personae
92. Joe Palmer.
A hackman with whom the boys used to ride.
Address not known.
93. John E. Gardner.
A member of an old family of merchants in Ex-
eter. Deceased. Brother of Elizabeth Gardner
Bouguereau, the artist.
94. General Marston.
A famous New Hampshire lawyer and veteran
of the Civil War. Deceased.
95. Amos Tuck.
A famous lawyer, politician, financier, and
Member of Congress. Deceased.
96. Mr. Gravel.
Address not known.
97. Elkins and Graves.
Famous auctioneers at that period. Deceased.
98. Scott "Briggam"
One of the boys then, one of the boys now. Ex-
eter.
C 195]
Dramatis Personae
99. Charlie Woodbury.
Deceased.
100. "Potter " Gorham : Arthur Gorham.
Killed by an accidental discharge of his gun
nearly thirty years ago. A born naturalist.
101. "Old Francis:'
For thirty-three years principal at the Grammar
School at Exeter. On his resignation, a few
years ago, a reunion was held which was at-
tended by old pupils from every State in the
Union, to do him honor. Still hale and hearty,
and living in Exeter.
102. Doctor Perry.
An old family physician, who has ushered more
children and children's children into the world
than any man in the county, and who is beloved
and revered by every one of them. Miss Jewett,
in her "Country Doctor/' based her delightful
description upon Dr. William G. Perry, her
uncle. Living in Exeter.
103. John Adams.
Who has trimmed enough carriages to set all
[ 196 J
Dramatis Personae
New Hampshire awheel, and who still practises
his trade in Exeter.
104. Nell Towle: Mrs. George W.
Hooper.
Exeter. As rosy, good-natured, and musically
inclined as she was in the good old days.
105. William Perry Moulton.
A prosperous real-estate and insurance man,
who unfortunately for his peace of mind tried
to raise Bartlett pears, Concord grapes, and As-
trachan apples in the neighborhood that was in-
fested by " Plupy '* and his associates ; who fre-
quently tracked, chased, and caught them red-
handed, but who was too kind-hearted even
then to deprive them of their ill-gotten gains.
106. "Chris" Staples.
Who remembers the fight with Charlie Clark.
107. Charlie Clark.
Deceased. Just before he died he read the
" Diary " and sent word to the author that he
remembered the scene in which he figured and
much enjoyed the book.
C 197 ]
Dramatis Persona;
108. Mr. Ashman.
A veteran band-leader of Boston.
109. Frank Hervey.
A veteran restaurant-keeper in Exeter. Now
living in Concord, N. H.
110. "Rashe Belnap" : William H. Bel-
knap.
A retired banker and real-estate man of Exeter.
Town clerk of Exeter for twenty-five years.
111. Henry Sivipson.
Periodical dealer in the late sixties. Living in
Maine.
112. Luke Manioc.
Now living in Texas. As a boy he could curve
a snowball round the corner, like T. B. Aldrich's
"Binny Wallace."
113. "Bob Ridley" : George Elliott.
Exeter. A right good fellow.
114. Sam Dyer.
A rather eccentric blacksmith. Died in the
West.
C 198]
Dramatis Personae
115. Horace Cobb.
A good-natured, short, and extremely fat man.
A native of Exeter, and last of a very prominent
family. Died several years ago.
116. Dennis Cokely.
Address not known. I have always felt badly
"to think the fight was throwed away, and
neither cf them licked."
117. Johnnie Rogers.
A cousin of the Chadwicks. Deceased.
118. Cap. John W. Chadwick.
A retired sea-captain. Father of "Foe,"
"Boog," "Whack/' and "Willie," "Whack's
little brother." A most cultivated gentleman,
whose heart was kind, but whose word was law.
Deceased.
119. "Zee" Smith: Frank Smith.
Deceased in Lowell.
120. Miss Pratt.
A laundress much patronized by students. She
accumulated much property by practising the
gentle art of polishing shirts.
L 199 ]
Dramatis Personam
121. "Old Durgin" : Mr. Ezra Durgin.
A rather quick-tempered but worthy policeman,
contemporary with "Old Swain" and "Old
Kize."
122. Various "stewdcats"
Who have played their parts and gone.
123. "Plupy? "Skinny" "Polelegs"- The
Author.
De minimis non curat lex.
RETURN CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT
TO— ^ 202 Main Library
LOAN PERIOD 1
_ HOME USE
2 3
4
5 6
ALL BOOKS MAY BE RECALLED AFTER 7 DAYS
1 -month loans may be renewed by calling 642-3405
6-month loans may be recharged by bringing books to Circulation Desk
Renewals and recharges may be made 4 days prior to due date
DUE AS STAMPED BELOW
s s? s
5 en %*
§ ** 5
Ac, ,„•%,. u,
e kc o
§ ^ :*•
^
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY
FORM NO. DD6, 60m, 12/80 BERKELEY, CA 94720
©s
VM IU
l!r<r«!l*lJ8«'M^» - c!i^t-^
1 ife
■ .fig
■ Mm
■
