Uncle Remus returns

Uncle Remos
R eitJrns

Joel Chandler Harris

38oofcfii fci> Joel Clmntiler f)arrus

UNCLE REMUS RETURNS. Illustrated.
LITTLE MR. THIMBLEFINGER AND HIS

QUEER COUNTRY. Illustrated by OLIVER

HERFORD.
MR. RABBIT AT HOME. A Sequel to Little

Mr. Thimblefinger and His Queer Country.

Illustrated by OLIVER HHRFORD.

THE STORY OF AARON (SO-NAMED) THE
SON OF BEN ALL Told by his Friends and
Acquaintances. Illustrated by OLIVER HER-
FORD.

AARON IN THE WILDWOODS. Illustrated by
OLIVER HERFORD.

PLANTATION PAGEANTS. Illustrated by E.
BOYD SMITH.

NIGHTS WITH UNCLE REMUS. Illustrated.

UNCLE REMUS AND HIS FRIENDS. Illus
trated.

MINGO, AND OTHER SKETCHES IN BLACK
AND WHITE.

BALAAM AND HIS MASTER. AND OTHER
SKETCHES.

SISTER JANE, HER FRIENDS AND AC
QUAINTANCES. A Narrative of Certain
Events and Episodes transcribed from the
Papers of the late William Wornum.

TALES OF THE HOME FOLKS IN PEACE
AND WAR. Illustrated.

HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY
BOSTON AND NEW YORK

Uncle Remus Returns

Drain* ty A B. Fr

BRER RABBIT AX IM EF HE LL DO ER FAVOR FER ONE

ER HIS OL' TIME FRIEN'S " {page 37)

UNCLE REMUS
RETURNS

By

JOEL CHANDLER HARRIS

WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY A. B. FROST &
J. M. CONDfi

BOSTON & NEW YORK

HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY

Tht Riverside Prtst Cambridge

COPYRIGHT, 1918, BY ESTHER LA ROSE HARRIS
ALI. RIGHTS RESERVED

Published September tgig

PREFACE

K4/A)

THE stories included in this volume appeared
during 1905-06 in the METROPOLITAN MAG
AZINE. They are told by Uncle Remus, but
the little boy who listens to them is the son
of the " little boy " of the early volumes. He
is visiting his grandmother ("Miss Sally ")
on the plantation where his father grew up,
and, in his turn, has become the devoted fol
lower of the old darkey. It was the intention
of the author to continue this series and to
gather the stories eventually into a fifth volume
of UNCLE REMUS tales. But his editorial du
ties on the UNCLE REMUS MAGAZINE absorbed
most of the energy of his last two years and the
projected volume was not completed.

It seemed a pity that these delightful tales
from the lips of the children's dear old friend

405045

Preface

Uncle Remus should lie forgotten between
the pages of a magazine, so they have been
brought together in company with some char
acter sketches of the old man who recounted
them. The brief, but vivid and amusing
glimpses of Uncle Remus' }s personality con
tained in the latter, may serve as a slight but
suggestive background for the tales themselves,
and thus afford a touch of realism to the fan
tastic legends so dear to the hearts of primitive
people.

May the friends of Uncle Remus, old and
young, find something of the familiar humor
and charm in the stories thus presented, for
they are indeed Uncle Remus's "Farewell
Tales"!

JULIA COLLIER HARRIS
March, 1918

CONTENTS

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt i

Impty-Umpty and the Blacksmith . . 26
Taily-po . . . . . -5^

Brother Rabbit, Brother Fox, and Two Fat
Pullets . . . . . - 79

How Brother Rabbit brought Family Trouble
on Brother Fox . . . . .103

The Most Beautiful Bird in the World . 127
Uncle Remus falls a Victim to the Mumps 148
Uncle Remus' s Views on Church Collections 158
Uncle Remus' s Political Theories . .166

Uncle Remus discusses the True Inward
ness of the Mule . . . . .170

Uncle Remus talks of Hard Times and
" Sunshine Niggers" .... 173

ILLUSTRATIONS

"Brer Rabbit ax 9im ef he9 II do er favor fer
one er his ol9 time frien9 s99 Frontispiece

From a drawing by A. B. Frost

"Ol9 Brer B9ar ivuz a-comin9 like a pot a-
bilin99 ... 24

From a drawing by J. M. Conde

"Ol9 Brer Rabbit peepin9 thoo a crack" 44
From a drawing by A. B. Frost

"He grabbed it by de back er de neck an9

soused it in de box99 48

From a drawing by A. B. Frost

"Rise, skin, rise99 68

From a drawing by A. B. Frost

" You better come on back here an9 he'p me
wid deze chillun er yone99 ... 94

From a drawing by J. M. Conde

"9Twuz e9en about all he kin do fer ter
keep Brer Fox fum ketchin9 9im99 . .124

From a drawing by J. M. Conde

"Ef he say de buzzard is de purtiest, dat9s

de way it got ter be99 138

From a drawing by J. M. Conde

UNCLE REMUS
RETURNS

BROTHER RABBIT'S BEAR HUNT

THE little boy had, naturally, a
good deal of the simple faith that
is one of the most beautiful charac
teristics of childhood, but his training had
been to some extent along the lines marked
out in certain periodicals that contain de
partments in which mothers are instructed
how to deal with children, and in which sage
advice is given by young men and young
women, under names not their own, as to
the training of youngsters.

Young as he was, the little boy had been

denied pretty much all the romance that

belongs to childhood; for him the beautiful

story of Santa Claus, with all the associa-

i

••'Ufecle Remus Returns

tions that belong thereto, had been shat
tered. The grandmother deplored it, and
wept over it during the long watches of the
night — but you know about these grand
mothers, with their antiquated ideas and
their old-fashioned notions. The mother
had been caught in the net laid for the ig
norant, by so-called scientists, and she re
garded her own views (which were far from
being her own) as of the utmost impor
tance.

The youngster yearned to believe the
tales told by Uncle Remus, but his mother
managed to keep the wings of his imagina
tion clipped as close as those of a chicken
that we desire to keep from flying over the
garden fence. One thing about the stories
that he failed to understand was the re
markable success of Brother Rabbit in keep
ing out of trouble. He was obliged to iden
tify Uncle Remus's Brother Rabbit with the
2

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

rabbits that he saw occasionally on the
plantation, and they were not only weak,
but seemed to be very stupid; they had
neither claws nor tushes, nor strength of
limb. He asked his mother about it, and she
gave him an explanation that he had no
desire to hear; he asked his grandmother,
and she laughingly referred him to Uncle
Remus. "He can tell you about it much
better than I can," she said.

Thus it happened that the little boy was
compelled to fall back on the most gifted
fabulist that the plantation had ever known.
He laid his puzzle before Uncle Remus one
afternoon when the old negro had just fin
ished his dinner, and was therefore in a very
good humor. Apparently the child had
some difficulty in making clear to Uncle
Remus the nature of his doubts, but after a
while he seemed to understand what the
youngster wanted to know. To make sure,

Uncle Remus Returns

however, Uncle Remus stated the case as he
understood it in his own simple way.

"Ef I ain't mighty much mistooken,
honey, you wanter know how come Brer
Rabbit kin outdo de yuther creeturs when
he ain't got no tushes ner no claws, an' not
much strenk." The old negro's eyes twin
kled as he looked at the little boy. "Well,
dat's de ve'y identual thing dat de tales is
all about. Look like he wuz born little so he
kin cut up capers an' play pranks no matter
wharbouts you put 'im at. What he can't
do wid his foots he kin do wid his head, an'
when his head git 'im in trouble dat's deeper
dan what he counted on, he puts his 'pen'-
ence in his foots, kaze dar's whar he keeps
his lippity-clip an' his blickety-blick." The
little boy brightened up, for it was the
purely pictorial language that Uncle Remus
sometimes used that appealed to his sense
of the fitness of things.

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

"Tain't been mo' dan a good half hour
ago," Uncle Remus casually remarked, "dat
I wuz laughin' fit ter kill 'bout de way Brer
Rabbit done when he went b'ar-huntin'. He
sho' had his fun, no matter ef he went
huntin' or fishin', but when he tuck a notion
fer ter go a-huntin' ol' Brer B'ar, he had mo'
fun dan you kin shake a stick at. Some folks
mought not 'a' liked dat kinder fun what
you kin have when you go b'ar-huntin', but
Brer Rabbit wuz monstus fond un it, kaze
de kinder huntin' what he done wuz a
mighty quare kind, an' de fun what he git
out'n it wuz de kin' what make 'im laugh
twel he can't stan' up no mo' dan a week ol'
baby. But la! I 'speck I done make yo'
mammy mad by tellin' you deze ol' timey
tales so much. She look mighty hard at me
yistiddy when I went up dar an' ax Miss
Sally fer ter gi' me a piece er poun' cake ef
she had any lef ' over f 'om las' Christmas."

5

Uncle Remus Returns

"Why, Christmas has been gone so long
that I had almost forgotten it," said the
little boy.

"Dat's so," Uncle Remus assented, "but
we'll hatter whirl in an' have an'er one 'fo'
de year's out. By dat time you'll be gone
back home, an' me an' Miss Sally will have
sump'n dat's got mo' claws an' mo' color
dan plain silly-bug."

There was a long pause, during which
Uncle Remus watched the youngster out of
the corner of his eye. Presently the little
fellow stirred uneasily, and then made this
statement. "I don't see why Brother Rab
bit wanted to go bear-hunting. He would be
in a worse fix when he caught the bear than
he was when he hit and kicked the tar-
baby."

Uncle Remus laughed heartily. "I 'speck
yo' pa done gone an' tol' you 'bout de tar-
baby. OF Brer Rabbit sho' wuz in a mighty
6

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

close place dat time, but ef you take
notice, he ain't stay dar long. No, suh!
Not him!"

"But, Uncle Remus!" exclaimed the
child, "why did he want to hunt the bear?
I don't see how he showed his sense by doing
such a thing as that. He ought to have
known better."

"Well, honey, you ain't got no needs fer
ter pester yo'se'f wid de ups an' downs er
ol' Brer Rabbit. Ef he got sense, er ef he
ain't got none, it don't make no diffunce
now, kaze de ol' times is done gone, an' ef
'twa'n't fer deze ol' tales nobody would n't
know dat dey y'ever wuz any ol' times."
Saying which, Uncle Remus filled his after-
dinner pipe and turned to his unfinished
task, whatever it was.

But the little boy was by no means satis
fied to let the matter go at that. He wanted
to know why Brother Rabbit hunted

7

Uncle Remus Returns

Brother Bear, and how the hunt ended; and
he was so persistent about it that the old
negro was compelled to tell him the story in
self-defense.

"Dey wuz one time," said Uncle Remus,
"when de creeturs had laid by der craps,
an' dey ain't got nothin' fer ter do but set
down on a log an' chaw der terbacker an'
tell all dey know'd an' lots mo' besides.
One day Brer Rabbit wuz gwine down de
road, des ter be a-gwine, when who should he
meet but Brer Fox an' Brer Wolf. Dey wuz
amblin' an' a-ramblin' 'long tergedder, des
ez chummy ez you please, laughin' an*
talkin', an' ol' Brer Rabbit j'ined in wid um.
Atter while dey sot down by de side er de
road, an' got ter talkin' 'bout der neighbors
an' 'bout de dull times in giner'l.

"Brer Fox say dey ain't nothin' 'tall
gwine on, no parties, no picnics, an* no
bobbycues. Brer Wolf say he's a ol' settle
8

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

man, an' he ain't keerin' much fer parties
an' dem kinder doin's, but he like fer ter see
young folks 'joy deyse'f whiles dey er young
an' soople. Brer Rabbit he up an' 'low dat
dey ain't no dull times wid him, kaze it look
like he got sump'n n'er fer ter do eve'y min-
nit er de day whedder he's at home or
whedder he's abroad. Brer Wolf, he ax,
'What you doin' right now?' an' den he
look at Brer Fox an' wunk one eye.

"He wunk mighty quick, but not quick
'nough fer ter keep Brer Rabbit fum ketch-
in' a glimp' un it. Brer Rabbit wipe his
mouf sorter slow like, an' look up at de
clouds floatin' by. He 'low, he did, 'Well,
frien's, ef I had n't 'a' seed you-all, I'd 'a'
been well on my way fer ter look at my
fish-traps, an', dat done, I 'd 'a' come 'roun'
by my turkey blin'. I ain't got too much
time, nohow you kin fix it, an' when I doe?
set down, it's a thrip ter a ginger-cake

9

Uncle Remus Returns

dat I draps ter sleep 'fo' anybody kin head
me off/

"Brer Wolf say, 'Wid me it's diffunt.
When I lay by my crap, I alters take a little
recess, an' pass de time er day wid my
neighbors.'

"Brer Rabbit 'low, 'Dat's what make
me stop here a little minnit. When I
gits home my ol' 'oman is sho' ter ax me
who I seed an' what dey say, an' how wuz
der folks an' der famblies. You know how
de wimmin is — dey '11 tantalize de life
out'n you twel you tells um who you seed
an' what dey had on. But me ! I ain't got
time fer ter tarry. I 'm fixin' up fer ter go
on a big b'ar-hunt termorrer, an' it's a-
gwineter take up all my time fer ter git good
an' ready. My ol' 'oman been beggin' me
not ter go; she say she's all uv a trimble,
she so skeered I'll git hurted somehow er
somewhar. But dat's de way wid de wim-
10

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

min; dey make out dey are monstus skeery,
but when you fetch de game home, dey
allers ready fer ter clean an' seal' it, an' fix
it up fer de table.'

"When Brer Rabbit say dis, Brer Fox
an' Brer Wolf flung back der heads an'
laugh fit ter kill. Brer Rabbit, he 'low,
'Frien's, what's de joke? Be sociable an'
le' me laugh wid you.' Sez Brer Wolf, sezee,
'We er laughin', Brer Rabbit, kaze you say
you gwine b'ar-huntin'. You know mighty
well dat you ain't big 'nough fer ter ketch
no b'ar. Why, I'm lots bigger dan what
you is, an' I'd think twice To' I started
out fer ter hunt Brer B'ar.' Brer Rabbit,
he kinder smole one er his ol' time smiles.
He 'low, he did, 'Yes, Brer Wolf, you er
lots bigger dan what I is; but will you an'
Brer Fox head 'im off ef I git 'im on de
run?' Brer Fox, he up an' 'spon', sezee,
'You git 'im on de run, Brer Rabbit, an'
ii

Uncle Remus Returns

we'll head 'im off; I'll promise you dat
much — we'll head 'im off ef you git 'im
on de run/

"Brer Rabbit 'low, 'It's a bargain, den,
an' we'll shake han's on it/ It wuz a law
'mong de creeturs dat when dey make a
bargain an' shuck han's on it, dey wa'n't no
way er gittin' 'roun' it; an' so when Brer
Rabbit made um shake han's wid 'im, Brer
Wolf an' Brer Fox bofe know dat ef dey
wuz any b'ar-hunt, dey'd hatter be on
han' fer ter head 'im off when Brer Rabbit
got 'im on de run. Dey shuck han's, but
dey ain't gi' Brer Rabbit ez hard a grip ez
dey mought, kaze dey ain't had no notion er
gittin' in a sho 'nough b'ar-hunt. Dat 'uz
one er de kinder things what dey wa'n't in
de habits er doin'. Dey kinder had de idee
dat Brer Rabbit wuz des a braggin', but
when he make um shake han's, dey 'gun
ter feel sorter skittish, yit dey wa'n't no
12

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

gittin' 'roun' a bargain what dey done
shuck han's on.

"Brer Rabbit ain't stay so mighty long
atter dat; he say he gotter go an' make all
his 'rangements fer ter bag de game an' ter
bobbycue it atterwuds. He flipped Brer
Wolf an' Brer Fox his so-long, an' ax um
fer ter meet 'im at de same place de nex'
day. 'Meet me right here, frien's,' sez ol*
Brer Rabbit, sezee, 'an' I'll show you
sump'n dat '11 kinder stir you up an' make
you feel like dat dey's sump'n gwine on
roun' here same ezwhat dey is indej'inin'
county, whar dey hunt b'ar eve'y day in
de year 'cep' Sunday.'

"Dey say dey'd be dar, ef nothin' don't
happen, an' dey ax Brer Rabbit what must
dey fetch fer ter he'p 'im out, an' he 'spon'
dat all he want um ter do is ter head Brer
B'ar off when he git 'im on de run. 'I'll
show you whar ter take yo' stan',' sez oP

13

Uncle Remus Returns

Brer Rabbit, sezee, ' an' all in de roun' worl'
you got ter do is ter stan' yo' groun' an' not
git skeered when you see 'im comin', an'
make a little fuss like you gwine ter ketch
'im. But you don't hatter put yo' han' on
'im; I'll do all de ketchin' dat's gwineter
be done. All I ax you is ter stan' whar I '11
show you an' make out you gwineter he'p
me. All you got ter do is zackly what you
say you'll do — head 'im off when you

see 'im comin'.3

"Brer Rabbit went on down de road,
singin' one er de ol' time chunes, an' Brer
Wolf an' Brer Fox sot whar he lef um an*
look at one an'er. Atter while, ol* Brer
Wolf say, sezee, 'What de name er good
ness you reckon he's up ter?' Brer Wolf
grinned one dem ar grins what make col'
chills run up an' down yo' back. He 'low,
he did, 'He des tryin' fer ter fool us; he done
got de idee dat we er skeer'd. Ef we go dar,

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

he'll say he mighty sorry dat he ain't fine
Brer B'ar, an' ef we don't go dar, he'll
laugh an' tell it eve'ywhar dat we wuz
fear'd fer ter stan' up ter our part er de bar
gain.' Ol' Brer Fox grinned his kinder grin,
an' say, sezee, 'We'll be dar, sho!' "

At this point Uncle Remus paused to
indulge in a hearty laugh, and it was some
little time before he resumed. He laughed
so long indeed, that the little boy was moved
to ask him what he had found that was so
funny. This inquiry seemed to have no
effect on the old negro. He continued to
laugh, and when he could laugh no more,
he chuckled, all the time watching the little
boy, although he pretended to be looking
in another direction. Finally, however, he
became more serious, and settled himself
in the attitude he always assumed when
telling a story.

"Well, suh, Brer Rabbit went down de

IS

Uncle Remus Returns

road a piece, an' got off in de bushes, an*
lay down an' des roll'd over an' over wid
laughin'. Bimeby he lay right still, an' a
little bird, settin' up in de tree, holler out,
'Run here! Run here!' 'N'er bird say,
'What de matter? What de matter?' De
fust bird make answer, 'Brer Rabbit dead!
Brer Rabbit dead!' T'er bird say, 'Don't
you b'lieve it! Don't you b'lieve it!' Brer
Rabbit lay dar, he did, twel he got good an*
rested, an' bimeby he jump up an' crack
his heels tergedder, an' put out fer home
like de booger-man wuz atter 'im.

"He went home, he did, an' split up
some kin'lin' fer his ol' 'oman fer ter git
supper wid, an' frail out four five er his
chillun, an' den he sot in de shade an'
smoke his seegyar. Atter he done e't sup
per, he comb his ha'r, an' tuck down his
walkin'-cane, an' put out thoo de woods,
fer ter go ter de place whar Brer B'ar live
16

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

at. He got dar, atter so long a time, an*
hello'd de house, an' ol' Brer B'ar come
shufflin' out an' ax him in. Ol' Miss B'ar
sot out de cheers, atter dustin' um wid her
apern, an' Brer B'ar an' ol' Brer Rabbit
sot dar an' confabbed des like two ol'
cronies.

"Atter while, Brer Rabbit ax Brer B'ar
is he hear de lates' news, an' Brer B'ar say
he don't 'speck he is, kaze he ain't went out
much, he been so busy cleanin' de grass
out'n his roas'n-y'ear patch. Brer Rabbit
pull his mustaches, an' look at Brer B'ar
right hard. He 'low, he did, 'Well, suh,
dey's big news floatin' roun'. Brer Wolf
an' Brer Fox, dey say some un been gittin'
in der roas'n-y'ear patch, an' dey say dey
done seed some tracks in dar what look
mighty s'picious, mo' speshually when dey
got on der fur-seein' specks/

"OF Brer B'ar sorter shuffle his foots an*

17

Uncle Remus Returns

cross his legs. He say, 'What did dey do
den? Why n't dey foller up deze yer tracks
what dey seed so plain ? ' Brer Rabbit 'low,
sezee, 'It seem like dey know'd purty well
whar de tracks wuz gwine ter lead urn, an*
dey wuz fear'd fer ter foller um, less'n dey
had mo' comp'ny fer ter come wid um/
Ol' Brer B'ar lean down he did, an5 knock
de ashes out'n his pipe, an' den he look at
Brer Rabbit an' grin twel his mouf look
red an' hot. He say, 'Fear'd fer ter foller
de tracks, wuz dey? Well, you can't blame
um much, mo' speshually ef dey know'd
de tracks. What dey gwine do 'bout it?
Dey ain't gwineter des set down an' let
der roas'n-y'ears walk off down de lane, is
dey?'

"Brer Rabbit kinder helt his head on
one side, an' look at Brer B'ar. He 'low,
sezee, 'I wuz des comin' ter dat, Brer B'ar,
when you broke in on me. De news what

18

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

I hear is dat Brer Wolf an' Brer Fox is
gwineter have a big b'ar-hunt. Dey done
sont der invites ter some er de neighbors,
an' de neighbors will do de drivin', whiles
dey does de ketchin'. Dey ax'd me ef I
would n't he'p do de drivin' an' I tol' um dat
I'd be mo' dan glad.' Brer B'ar look hard
at Brer Rabbit an' Brer Rabbit look in de
fierplace. 'You said dat? You said you'd
be mo' dan glad?' sez ol' Brer B'ar, sezee.
Brer Rabbit, he 'low, 'I mos' sholy did. I
tol' um dat I 'd git you started, an' den dey
kin do de ketchin'.'

"O1' Brer B'ar laugh, an' when he do
dat, it soun' like thunder a-grumblin' way
out in de hills. He say, sezee, 'How much
uv a fambly is dey got, Brer Rabbit?' An'
Brer Rabbit, he 'spon', sezee, 'I can't tell
you, Brer B'ar, kaze I ain't neighbored
wid um fer de longest. I don't like um, an'
dey don't like me — an' dat's de reason

19

Uncle Remus Returns

dat I come fer ter tell you de news. I had de
idee dat maybe you'd like fer ter take part
in dis big b'ar-hunt dat dey gwineter have/
Brer B'ar kinder scratch his head an' lick
his paw fer ter slick over de place. He say,
sezee, 'It seems like I'm bleedz ter be dar,
kaze ef I ain't, dey won't be no fun 'tall/
"Well, dey sot dar, dey did, an' lay der
plans, an' laugh fit ter kill at de oP jokes
dat dey swapped wid one an'er, an' de oP
tales dey tol'. Dey sot dar, dey did, twel
oP Miss B'ar hatter come in an' tell um fer
goodness' sakes ter go ter bed, kaze ef dey
sot up an' went on dat away, dey won't be
no sleepin' fer her an' de chillun. Brer Rab
bit jump up when he hear dis, an' tell um
all good night, an' put out fer home, an'
when he git dar he can't git ter bed fer
laughin'. OP Miss Rabbit, she stuck her
head out fum under de kiwer, an' 'low,
'What de name er goodness is de matter?
20

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

You sholy must 'a' heern sump'n outda-
cious in yo' rambles, an' now dat you done
woke me up, you des ez well ter tell me
'bout it/ but oP Brer Rabbit, he's dat
tickled dat he can't fish up words fer ter
tell 'er; all he kin do is ter laugh an' cough,
an' wheeze an' sneeze, an' keep dis up twel
it look like he bleeze ter strankle er git
smifflicated. But you better b'lieve dat oP
Miss Rabbit sot up wid 'im twel she fin'
out all 'bout it. An' she ain't laugh when
he tell 'er; she shuck 'er head an' 'low,
'You'll keep on wid yo' foolishness twel
some er dem yuther creeturs will ketch you
in yo' own trap — an' den what me an' de
chilluns gwine do?' Ol' Brer Rabbit laugh
an' say dat dey's been widders an* noffuns
y'ever sence de worl' 'gun ter roll.

"Now, Brer Rabbit done tell Brer Wolf
an' Brer Fox dat de b'ar-hunt wuz gwineter
come off bright an' early, an' dat dey mus'

21

Uncle Remus Returns

be dar whar he lef um at, an', sho 'nough,
when he went down de road, dar dey wuz.
He know'd dat dey'd been talkin' 'bout 'im,
kaze dey look right sheepish when he come
up behime um. He ax um is dey ready, an'
dey say dey is, an' he tell um fer ter come
on, kaze dey ain't got no time fer ter lose
ef dey gwine ter git any b'ar meat dat day.
"Dey went 'long, dey did, but when dey
git ter whar de bushes wuz thick an' de
shadders black, Brer Wolf an' Brer Fox
kinder hung back. Brer Rabbit see dis, an'
he say he hope dey ain't noways bashful,
kaze ef dey gwineter he'p him ketch de b'ar,
dey got ter stan' up like deyer well an' not
be droopy like deyer sick. Bimeby dey
come ter de place whar dey wuz a blin' paff
runnin' thoo de woods, an' Brer Rabbit,
he say dat he want um ter stan' right dar,
an' ef de b'ar come by dey wuz ter he'p 'im
ketch 'im.

22

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

"Sez ol' Brer Rabbit, sezee, 'I'm a-hop-
in' dat I '11 ketch 'im 'fo' he gits dis fur, an'
ef I does, I'll holler; but ef he's too quick
fer me — ef he gits de idee dat I 'm atter
'im, an' starts ter run To' I gits my han'
on 'im, mo' dan likely he'll come dis way.
Ef he do, des stan' yo' groun', kaze I '11 be
right behime 'im; des make out you gwine-
ter grab 'im an' hoi' on ter 'im twel I kin
git 'im, an' den our day's wu'k will be done.'
Brer Wolf an' Brer Fox say dey'll do des
like Brer Rabbit tell um, an' dey tuck der
places. Wid dat, Brer Rabbit went lopin'
thoo de woods des ez gaily ez a race-hoss.

"De place whar Brer Rabbit make um
take der stan' wa'n't so mighty fur fum
de place whar ol' Brer B'ar live at, an'
'twa'n't skacely no time 'fo' Brer B'ar wuz
on de run, wid Brer Rabbit close behime
'im. Brer Fox an' Brer Wolf hear a mighty
racket gwine on in de woods des like a

23

Uncle Remus Returns

harrycane wuz a-churnin' up de leaves an*
de trash, an', mos' 'fo' dey know it, here
comes Brer B'ar, wid Brer Rabbit close be-
hime 'im. Dey 'd 'a' got out'n de way, but
dey hear Brer Rabbit holler, 'Head 'im off,
dar! Head 'im off! Hoi' 'im twel I git dar!'
Ol' Brer B'ar wuz a-comin' like a pot a-
bilin'. His mouf wuz wide open an' his
tongue hangin' out, an' de blue smoke riz
fum 'im eve'y time he fetched a pant.

"Brer Wolf an' Brer Fox stood der groun',
kaze dey fear'd dat Brer Rabbit would
have de laugh on um ef dey broke an' run.
Dey stood dar, dey did, an' do like dey
wuz gwine ter ketch Brer B'ar. He come
on wid his head down, an' his breff comin',
hot, an' ez he run, he fetched Brer Wolf a
swipe wid one han' an' Brer Fox a wipe
wid t'er han'.

"Well," said Uncle Remus, looking hard
at the little boy, "dey ain't no use fer ter
24

OL' BRER B'AR wuz A-COMIN' LIKE A POT A-BILIN:

Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

go on wid dis tale. De swipe dat Brer B'ar
fetched um come mighty nigh takin' out
der vitals, an' ef you never is hear hollerin'
befo', you mought 'a' heern it den. But
Brer B'ar, he kep' on a-runnin', wid Brer
Rabbit atter him, an' ez dey run, dey laugh
fit ter kill; an' fum dat day ter dis, Brer
Wolf an' Brer Fox been givin' ol' Brer B'ar
all de elbow room dat he needs by day er
by night."

"Did Brother Bear hurt them very
much?" asked the little boy.

"Hurt um! Why, he ripped open der
hides fum y'ear-socket ter tailholt. Fer de
time bein' dey wuz mighty nigh mint."

Uncle Remus Returns

do when dey gits ez ol' ez what I is. By
good rights dey oughter groan eve'y time
dey draws der breff."

"But you were groaning just as though
you had a terrible pain, and needed some
of the medicine that mother gives to me
when I have the stomach ache/'

"De ailment what I had, honey, wuz
some'rs on de right han' side er my min'.
When I got word fum a little bird dat you
wuz comin' down here fer ter slip up on me
an' skeer me, it put me in min' er de time
when yo' pappy wuz 'bout yo' age; an' den
I got ter ramblin' back twel my 'membunce
hit me a whack dat come mighty nigh
knockin' me flat. Sump'n up'd an' said dat
one er der tales what I tol' 'im in dem days
wuz de wrong thing — yasser, de wrong
thing! Dat Juz when you hear me talkin'
an' groanin'. I dunner how I'm gwineter
git ter feelin' much better less'n somebody
28

Impty-Umpty

up dar at de big house sen's me some er de
truck what gi's you de stomach ache —
ressins, an' minch pies, an' appile dumper-
lin's. It makes me right hongry when I
think 'bout tellin' yo' pappy de wrong thing
when he wa'n't nothin' but a little bit er
chap. But I done de best I know'd how."

"What tale was it, Uncle Remus?" the
little boy inquired.

" 'Twant needer mo' ner less dan dat ol*
time tale 'bout ' Impty-Umpty an' de Black-
smiff.' I gun it out des ez 'twuz gun ter me,
but 'twuz de wrong thing — an' de wrong
thing can't be made de right thing. Any-
body'll tell you dat."

"Impty-Umpty!" exclaimed the child,
"why, what is that?"

"It's des Somebody's name," said Uncle
Remus, with a sigh. "Some folks call 'im
one thing an' some an'er. Ain't you nevef
hear yo' pappy talk 'bout 'im?"
29

Uncle Remus Returns

"No, I never did," replied the little boy.

"Not when he drap his collar button on
de flo', an' it roll way un' de buryo?" The
child shook his head solemnly. "Is you
right sho' you ain't hear 5im call a name
when he can't fin' de button?" persisted the
old man, leaning back in his chair. He
laughed heartily when he saw the light of
comprehension dawning in the child's eyes.
"OF Impty-Umpty is got mo' names dan
yo' kin count on yo' fingers. Some calls 'im
Satan, some calls 'im de OP Boy, some calls
'im Cloots, an' some calls 'im what yo'
pappy do, an' he answers ter all un um;
an' dey's times off an' on, when he'll come
long 'fo' you call 'im. Fum all I hear, he's
e'en 'bout de busiest creetur dat yever run
'bout wid two behime legs an' a tail ter
boot.

"Well, de tale what I done gone an' tol'
yo' pappy 'bout ol' Impty-Umpty an' de

30

Impty-Umpty

Blacksmiff wuz de wrong thing, an' I dun-
ner whedder ter righten it wid him er wid
you. It seem like youer de handiest, yit ef
I righten it wid you, I'll hatter git yo'
promise fer ter righten it wid him."

The little boy was enthusiastic in mak
ing the promise, so much so that Uncle
Remus was compelled to wipe an untimely
smile from his mouth, using the back of his
hand for the purpose. He seemed to be in
no hurry to "righten" things, however, for
instead of beginning the story at once he
leaned his head against the wall as though
he were about to take a nap, this being his
favorite attitude when he wanted to doze.
The little boy was not as impatient as his
father had been under the same circum
stances. He sat perfectly quiet, awaiting
the good pleasure of Uncle Remus. Peep
ing from under his eyelashes, the old negro
was again compelled to employ the back

Uncle Remus Returns

of his hand to smother a smile. This seemed
to arouse him.

"I ain't been 'sleep, is I? How fur did I
git wid de tale?"

"Why, you did n't even begin to tell it,"
said the child.

"Well, suh!" exclaimed Uncle Remus,
with well-feigned surprise. "Now, ain't
dat too much? One thing I notices, an' dat
ain't two — I notices dat de mo' Anny
Dominoes what crawls over me, de bigger
my fergittance gits, an' I boun' it'll come
ter dat pass dat de time '11 come when I'll
fergit ter eat; an' dey ain't nobody dat I
knows un dat's gwine ter come 'long an'
put vittles in my mouf. Dat's what!"

The little boy said not a word in response
to this, nor did he smile. The trouble with
him was that he was inclined to take Uncle
Remus too seriously. This made the old
man more solemn than he would have been

32

Impty-Umpty

otherwise, but he began very bravely, in
spite of his fear that the simple tale he had
to tell would fail to appeal to a youngster
who had had nearly all his mischievousness
trained away under the modern system of
parental instruction.

"One time/' said Uncle Remus, "not
yisteddy, ner de day befo', but 'way back
yander in de days when folks knowed lots
mo' an' a heap less dan what dey knows
now, der wuz a blacksmiff what had his shop
at de big cross-roads. It seem like dat ef
folks wuz gwine anywhar er comin' back
dey bleeze ter pass dish yer blacksmiff shop-
'Tain't make no diffunce whar dey gwine,
er whar dey comin' fum, de blacksmiff an*
his shop wuz right spang on der road. Time
an' time ag'in some un um'd set right flat
on de groun' an' try fer ter figger out how
an' why 'twuz dat dey'd hatter pass dis
shop, no matter which way dey started ner

33

Uncle Remus Returns

which way dey come back. Dey figger'd an*
figger'd, but 'tain't do um a grain er good.
In de due time, dey'd hear a whangin' an' a
clangin', an' when dey'd look up, dar wuz
de shop, lookin' red inside on 'count de fier,
an' dar wuz de bellus a-wheezin' an' a-
snortin', an' de big sledge hammer a-bang-
in' on de anvil, twel it look like it'd bust it
wide open. No diffunce what road dey tuck
dey'd hatter pass de shop, an' ef dey pass
de shop dey'd hatter see de red light a-
shinin' an' hear de sledge hammer a-bangin'.
"De shop got so het up in de daytime
dat it helt de heat all night, an' de black-
smiff ain't been workin' dar long 'fo' ol' Brer
Rabbit fin' out dat ef he want ter git warm
an' feel good all he had ter do wuz ter creep
un' de do' an' set by de fier an' nod. In dem
days folks had a better 'pinion er de cree-
turs dan what dey got now, an' dey wuz mo'
familious wid um dan what dey is now. But

34

Impty-Umpty

de blacksmiff wuz so big an' strong dat he
sot eve'ybody an'er kin' er pattern. He
wan't skeer'd er de biggest creetur dat come
'long, let um be rhinossyhoss er hippytamy-
pottymus.

"Ez fer Brer Rabbit, he wan't nowhar.
He wuz lots bigger in dem days dan what
he is now, but he wan't no match in muscle
fer de man what been slingin' de sledge
hammer — an' so dar 'twuz, de blacksmiff
wid big arms an' strong legs, an' ol' Brer
Rabbit, wid nothin' but a long head an*
big y'ears. Ol' Brer Rabbit had a mighty
habit er settin' up late at night. He'd set
up so late, a-playin' his pranks an' a-cuttin*
up his capers, dat when he woke up de nex'
mornin' he wuz e'en 'bout ez sleepy ez he
had been de night befo' ; an' dey wuz times
when he ain't wake up twel he hear de
blacksmiff fumblin' at de do'. An' mo'
speshually dey wuz one time when de

35

Uncle Remus Returns

blacksmiff walk right in on 'im an' foun'
'im settin' up close ter de place whar de
fier done been at.

"Stidder shooin' Brer Rabbit away like
he oughter done ef he ain't want 'im dar,
de blacksmiff flung a hammer at 'im, an' ef
it had 'a' hit 'im dey wouldn't 'a' been
'nough un 'im lef fer ter stop a hole in a
chigger's house. But Brer Rabbit dodge
de hammer, an' went scootin' ter de briar
patch whar he born an' bred at. He went
out dar, he did, an' felt er hisse'f all over fer
ter see ef he wuz all dar, an' den, when he
fin' out dat he wuz, he jump up an' crack
his heels tergedder an' wunk one eye like
somebody done tell 'im a great secret.

"He sot out dar in de briar patch an'
study what he gwine do nex', an' 'long 'bout
dat time who should come 'long dat way
but ol' man Billy Rickerson-Dickerson.
Knowin' Brer Rabbit long an' well he

36

Impty-Umpty

stopped fer ter pass de time er day an' ax
de news, an' he ain't been dar long 'fo'
Brer Rabbit tol' 'im many a long tale dat
nobody ain't never hear befo'. By de time
he wuz ready fer ter sing out his so-long
Brer Rabbit ax 'im ef he'll do er favor fer
one er his ol' time frien's, an' Mr. Ricker-
son-Dickerson 'low dat he will. 'Well,
den,' sez ol' Brer Rabbit, sezee, 'when you
er passin' de blacksmiff shop, des poke yo*
head in de do', an' say, "Frien', you'll have
comp'ny soon," an' de nex' passer-by you
meet, tell um ter do de same.'

"Well, suh, de word went 'roun', an'
'twan't long 'fo' eve'ybody dat come by de
blacksmiff shop had de same sayin' in der
mouf — 'Frien', you'll have comp'ny soon,'
— an' dis sot de blacksmiff ter studyin'.
He ax hisse'f what dey all mean by dat,
an' it got so atter while dat he'd put de hot
i'on on de anvil an' let it git stone col' be-

37

Uncle Remus Returns

fo' he hit a lick wid de hammer. He wuz so
worried dat he can't sleep at night, an' de
nigh neighbors wondered when dey hear
de bellus a-snortin' an' de hammer a-bang-
in'. Dey say ter deyse'f dat de blacksmiff
bleeze ter have a mighty heap er work ter
do, an' dey dunner whar it all come fum,
ner who wuz havin' it done.

"Bimeby, atter so long a time, de neigh
bors got so dat dey'd drap in on 'im atter
supper an' set an' talk an' dodge sparks
whiles de blacksmiff run de bellus an' swung
de hammer. One night, de talk turned on
de OF Boy an' his b'longin's. De fier burnt
so blue an' de sparks flew'd so fur, dat dey
can't he'p but think 'bout de Bad Place,
an' wid dat, dey bleeze ter think 'bout ol'
Impty-Umpty, de one what runs it. De
blacksmiff wuz monstus busy, but he ain't
so busy but what he kin hear what dey
talkin' 'bout. He blowed de bellus, an' he

38

Impty-Umpty

hammered de red-hot i'on, but he ain't los'
none er der talk, speshually when dey 'gun
ter talk 'bout ol' Impty-Umpty.

"He lissened, he did, but he keep on a-
makin' what he started fer ter make when
he fust got word dat he wuz gwine ter have
comp'ny, an' 'fo' dey got thoo tellin' what
dey know'd 'bout ol' Impty-Umpty, he
done finish it. He sot it up on de anvil an'
pushed all 'roun' wid his tongs, an' dem
what wuz settin' dar sees dat 'twuz a box
— a big i'on box wid de sides all welted ter-
gedder, an' de top fixt so dat he kin welt dat
up tight de minnit he got good an' ready.

"He turn de box all 'roun' an' 'roun', an'
den he wipe de sweat off'n his forrerd an'
grin. He 'low, 'Dar's a box what is a box;
ef anybody kin beat it, le' 'im do it. Eve'y-
body been tellin' me I'm gwineter have
comp'ny soon, an' I 'speck it mus' be so.
But dey can't come 'fo' I 'm ready fer um.'

39

Uncle Remus Returns

Den he ax um all how come dey hatter talk
'bout ol' Impty-Umpty, an' what do dey
know 'bout 'im anyhow. Dis start de talk
ag'in, an' ef de Ol' Boy had 'a' had any
character dey'd 'a' mint it right den an'
dar. Dey say dat dey ain't but three things
dat he can't turn hisse'f inter whilst he
roamin' 'roun' de worl' seekin' whomsoever
he mought destroy; one wuz a hog, one
wuz a monkey, an' one wuz a cat.

"De blacksmiff laugh an' say dat ef ol'
Impty-Umpty is gwine ter be de comp'ny
dey er talkin' 'bout, well an' good, kaze he
des ez ready fer 'im ez what he is fer any
body else. He ain't no sooner say dis, dan
a tall black man stepped inside de do' an'
bowed, wid 'Howdy, marsters an' frien's!'
Dey all looked at 'im up an' down, an' well
dey mought, kaze never in all dey born
days is dey see anybody like dat. He wuz
black, but he ain't look like no nigger. His
40

Impty-Umpty

eyes shined like er piece er glass in de moon
light. He had on a stove-pipe hat an' a
broadclof suit, he wuz slim an' slick an'
soople, an' it seem like he wuz club-footed
and double-j'inted.

"Well, honey, he stood dar smickin' an'
smilin', an' it look like dat de mo' you look
at 'im, de slicker he got. He 'low, * Marsters
an' frien's, you'll hatter skusen me fer
comin' in so sudden like. I use ter be a
blacksmiff myse'f, an' I never ketches a
glimp' uv a forge an' a fier but what it seem
like I'm a bleeze ter stop in a minnit ef only
fer ter warm my han's like dis.' He helt
out his han's to'rds de live charcoals, an'
de fier sprung up des like it do when you
er workin' de bellus for all she's wuff. De
flame burnt white, an' den it burnt blue,
an' bkneby it burnt right green, an' all de
time it got bigger an' bigger, twel it 'gun
ter wrop 'roun' de Black Man's han's des

Uncle Remus Returns

like snakes. Nobody ain't say a word; dey
ain't had no needs ter; it took up all der
time fer ter watch what de Black Man
gwine ter do nex'.

"Bimeby, when he done warm his han's
ez much ez he want ter, he turn ter de black-
smiff an' say, sezee, 'I hear you 'spectin'
comp'ny soon.' De blacksmiff he up an'
ax, 'Who been tellin' you?' De Black Man
make answer, 'Why, I seen ol' man Rick-
erson-Dickerson dis mornin', an' he ain't
mo' dan tol' me howdy 'fo' he 'low dat you
'spectin' comp'ny, an' soon's I hear dat I
tol' 'im fer ter set down in de big rockin'-
cheer an' make hisse'f at home, an' off I put
fer ter see who dis comp'ny mought be dat
wuz comin' ter see you.'

"Now, all dem neighbors what had come

in ter set up wid de blacksmiff know'd

mighty well dat ol' man Rickerson-Dicker-

son had done been buried de day befo', an'

42

Impty-Umpty

it make urn open der eyes when dey hear de
Black Man say dat he had seed 'im dat
mornin' ; an' one ol' man, what had white
ha'r, an' wuz kinder shaky in de legs, up
an' ax, 'Whar 'bouts is it you see 'im at?'
De Black Man say, 'I seed 'im comin' down
de road, an' he look like he wuz kinder col',
an' I axed 'im in fer ter warm by my fier.
We had a little chat, an' den it wuz dat he
tol' me 'bout how dey wuz comp'ny 'spect-
ed at de cross-roads blacksmiff shop.'

"De ol' man 'low, 'An' did he warm his-
se'f?' De Black Man flung back his head,
an' laugh twel de smoke came out'n his
mouf. He say, 'Mr. Rickerson-Dickerson
sho' did git warm, an' de reason I knows is
kaze I hear 'im sesso hisse'f!' De ol' man
shuck his head, and say, sezee, dat he
reckon he better be polin' on to'rds home,
on accounts er de lateness er de hour."

"Did you say that smoke came out of

43

Uncle Remus Returns

the Black Man's mouth, Uncle Remus?"
the little boy asked. He was so much in
earnest that a curious little pucker ap
peared between his eyebrows right over his
nose.

"Dat what I said, honey. Smoke! an*
'twan't no nachal smoke needer, kaze it
smell des like it do when you strike one
er de ol' timey, smifflicatin' matches. It
kinder gi' de neighbors a turn, an' one by
one dey sneaked off home, twel de fust news
you know, dey wan't nobody lef in de shop
but de Black Man an' de blacksmiff, wid
ol' Brer Rabbit peepin' thoo a crack. De
Black Man he say, sezee, 'I done had my
eye on you, an' I like de way you do mighty
well. You been workin' too hard an' too
much, but you'll git over dem kinder habits
one er deze long-come-shorts. I use ter be
a blacksmiff myse'f, an' I 'm 'fear'd you go
at it in a mighty 'roun' about way. What

44

OL BRER RABBIT PEEPIN THOO A CRACK

Impty-Umpty

does you want wid a fier, an' what use is
you got fer dat great big bellus, which you
hatter work yo'se'f ter pieces fer ter blow?1

"De blacksmiff he 'low, he did, dat he
bleeze ter have a fier, an' de onliest way he
kin have one is ter make de bellus blow its
breff on it. De Black Man, he say, sezee,
'Dey mought been a time when I had de
same idee, but dat time is done past an'
gone. Le' me show you how I does de
business.' Wid dat, he tuck up a plow
tongue, helt it close ter his mouf, an' blowed
on it once er twice, an' it got red-hot, an'
den tuck on a white heat, de kin' dey calls
a weltin' heat. He put it on de anvil, an'
hit a lick er two wid de hammer, an' it come
out de purtiest shovel plow you ever is lay
yo' eyes on.

"He helt it out, but de blacksmiff back
off, he did, an' 'low, 'Who de name er good
ness is you, anyhow?' De Black Man frown

45

Uncle Remus Returns

when he hear de word 'goodness' but he
make answer, 'Folks got a heap er diffunt
names fer me, but I ain't no ways proud,
an' so I 'spon's ter all un um.' De black-
smiff say, sezee, 'I b'lieve you ain't nobody
but ol' Impty-Umpty.' 'An' yit,' sez de
Black Man, sezee, 'some calls me de Ol'
Boy, an' den, ag'in, dey calls me Satan,
an' I got wuss soundin' names dan dat.'

" 'Dey tells me,' sez de blacksmiff, sezee,
'dat dey's three things you can't do,'
sezee. Ol' Impty-Umpty 'low, 'Be pleased
fer ter homnyname um,' sezee. 'Well, suh,'
sez de blacksmiff, sezee, 'it' talked 'roun'
in de neighborhood dat you can't change
yo'se'f inter a hog, ner a monkey, ner
needer inter a cat.' Ol' Impty-Umpty
grinned an' showed his sharp tushes, an'
den he lipped in de a'r wid a little twist, an'
when he hit de groun' ag'in, he wuz in de
resemblance uv er hog, an' he look so much

Impty-Umpty

like er hog dat he went gruntin' all over de
shop, an' gobblin' up eve'y scrap er vittles
he kin fin'. Den he lay down an' waller'd
like he wuz in a mud-hole, an' got up a
monkey. Well Mr. Monk wuz mo' livelier
dan what de hog wuz, an' he run up de wall,
an' got on de rafters, an' sot dar chatterin'
an' whis'lin' des like a sho' 'nough monkey.

"He drapped fum de rafters, an' when
he hit de groun', de monkey wuz a cat, not
a great big un, but a little black un dat
you'd 'a' been sorry fer ef you'd 'a' seed
it. By dat time de blacksmiff had his i'on
box ready, an' settin' on de groun', an'
when de cat come close 'nough, he grabbed
it by de back er de neck an' soused it in de
box, an' slammed down de led an' fastened
it. Den he laugh an' laugh, twel it look
like he ain't never gwine ter git done laugh-
in'.

"But ol' Brer Rabbit, wid his eye ter der

47

Uncle Remus Returns

crack, 'gun ter git kinder impatient, an' he
fetch de groun' a whack wid his behime foot.
He hit so hard an' so quick dat you'd 'a'
thunk somebody wuz beatin' on de muffle'
drum. Blacksmiff say, sezee, 'Who dat?'
Brer Rabbit 'spon', 'I'm de man what you
had in de box' — des so. Blacksmiff say,
sezee, 'Go 'way! you can't fool me! Ol'
Impty-Umpty in here whar I put 'im at,
an' he'll be impty-umptied 'fo' he's emp*
tied. You hear me talkin'!' Brer Rabbit
say, sezee, 'Shake de box, man! Shake de
box!' An' sho' 'nough, when de blacksmiff
shake de box, he ain't hear nothin' in dar.
He shake it ag'in, an' he don't hear nothin'
in dar.

"Well, dis kinder thing ain't what he
been 'spectin' an' he kinder scratch his
head. He study an' he study what he gwine
do, an' bimeby he sot right flat on de groun'
an' open de box fer ter see ef it's empty er
48

UHE GRABBED IT BY DE BACK ER DE NECK AN? SOUSED

IT IN DE BOX "

Impty-Umpty

Impty-Umpty. He open it, he did, an*
raise de led an' try ter peep in, but he ain't
see nothin'. He raise it a leetle higher, an'
when he done dat, a great big black bat
flewed outer de box an' hit 'im right spang
in de face. He done his level best fer ter
ketch it; he struck at it wid his hat, an'
slapped at it wid his han', but de bat done
gone out'n reach, an' when de blacksmiff
look up, it wuz sailin' 'roun' 'mongst de
rafters, fliffin' an' flufflin', an' grittin' its
toofies. De bat flew'd 'roun' much ez it
wanter, an' den it made a dart fer de do'
an' wuz gone — done gone!

"Well, time went on, an' de day come
when de blacksmiff shop wuz shot up, an'
de blacksmiff hisse'f wuz swopped fum de
coolin'-board ter de graveyard." Uncle
Remus paused, and looked hard at the little
boy, who was listening with the composure
and the complacency that were so puzzling

49

Uncle Remus Returns

to the old negro. He paused, cleared his
throat, and then went on: "Fum coolin'-
board to graveyard ain't sech a mighty fur
ways, but I don't 'speck de blacksmiff
keer'd ef 'twuz long er short. Dey tells me
— I dunno ef it's so er no; it mought be
des de hearsay — but dey tells me dat de
blacksmiff had 'casion ter go down dar whar
Impty-Umpty live at; he mought des been
passin' by; leas'ways he went ter Impty-
Umpty's house an' knock at de do'. He
knock once an' he knock twice, an' den ol*
Impty-Umpty holler an* ax, 'Who dat?'
Blacksmiff say, sezee, ' 'Tain't nobody but
me.' Impty-Umpty 'low, he did, 'Ef youer
dat blacksmiff what shet de cat up in a box,
you can't come in dis place,' an' den he call
one er his little Impties, an' say, 'Go git
'im a chunk er fier an' let 'im start a sinner
fact'ry er his own. He can't come in here.'
Dat," remarked Uncle Remus with some-

50

Impty-Umpty

thing like relief, "wuz all de fur de tale
could foller de blacksmiff."

The little boy sat as though lost in reflec
tion. Finally, however, he stretched him
self and spoke. "Oh, pshaw!" he exclaimed,
and ran laughing toward the big house.

TAILY-PO

WHEN next the little boy put
in an appearance at Uncle Re
mus' s cabin, the old man was
engaged in making something that ap
peared to be very much like a hammock.
Indeed, it was so very much like a ham
mock that the youngster took the fact for
granted and at first asked no questions
about it. He was really as inquisitive as
most children, but he had been taught that
this, the most natural way of improving his
mind and adding to the small sum of his
knowledge, was rude and countrified.

"What de matter, honey?" asked Uncle
Remus, observing that the little fellow was
more serious than usual. "I hope de ol'
Shanghai rooster ain't hauled off an' kicked

Taily-Po

you." The child blushed. The big rooster,
which had been raised as a pet, and which
had a habit of pecking and pulling viciously
at the buttons on people's clothes, was the
only thing on the plantation that the little
boy was really afraid of. He did n't know
why he was afraid of the rooster, but it
seemed that the rooster himself had dis
covered this weakness, and whenever he
saw the child he would come running with
his feathers ruffled, and making queer
noises that seemed to issue from the depths
of his craw. The youngster always made
it a point to get out of the rooster's way
as promptly as his nimble little feet would
carry him.

He blushed, therefore, when Uncle Re
mus placed a blunt finger on his weakness,
but make no reply to the comment. In
stead, he declared that his mother had said
that Uncle Remus had no business to fill

S3

Uncle Remus Returns

the little boy's head full of foolish notions,
especially about Satan, and other topics
almost equally as impolite. "What Miss
Sally say ter dat?" inquired the old negro
with a smile of genuine amusement. Miss
Sally was the child's grandmother.

"Why, grandmother said that if Satan
ever got me, it would n't be at your cabin."

"Ah-yi! An' den what yo' mammy
say?" the old negro asked.

"She said it wasn't nice to talk about
such things, and' grandmother asked if the
Bible was a nice book."

"Dar, now! What I been tellin' you?
Honey, you better study yo' granny close
an' look at 'er good, kaze some er deze odd-
come-shorts, she gwine ter take wings an'
flew'd away; an' once she gits outer yo'
sight, you ain't gwine ter see no mo' like 'er.
Lots er folks could git rich an' make dey-
se'f happy des by pickin' up what she done

54

Taily-Po

forgot. Ef she'd 'a' been a man, she'd 'a*
been a preacher, an' ef not dat, den she'd
'a' been one er deze kinder folks what leads
all de rest. No matter what crowd she got
in, she'd 'a' headed de whole gang — dey
ain't no two ways 'bout dat. Why, Miss
Sally kin stan' on dat back porch up dar,
an' gi' her orders, an' you kin hear eve'y
word she say plum' ter de two-mile place —
you sho' kin."

The little boy disputed nothing that was
said in regard to his grandmother, for he
was very fond of her; but he was too small
to appreciate the qualities that Uncle Re
mus was dimly endeavoring to indicate,
and so his mind wandered from the old
negro's words to his work. "What are you
doing, Uncle Remus?" he asked.

"Des a-knittin' an' a-knottin', honey —
des a-knottin' an' a-knittin'. Ez you see
me now, des so you mought 'a' seed me

55

Uncle Remus Returns

fifty year ago, mo' speshually ef I wuz
doin' den what I 'm a-doin' now."

"Where will you hang the hammock
when it is finished?" inquired the young
ster, his curiosity temporarily getting the
better of his training.

" Ef I kin git two men ter hoi' de staffs,
an' an'er one fer ter swing it, I'll hang it up
in de middle er de creek, an' gi' de cat-
fishes an' de suckers, an' de peerches a ride.
I hope dey'll like it well 'nough not ter be
disapp'inted. But you mos5 never kin
skacely tell; ef fishes is like folks, I know
purty well dat dey don't like it. Der wuz
Mr. Gristle, — I most know you ain't never
see 'im, kaze he been dead eve'y sence I wuz
in my teens. Well, dey tuck Mr. Gristle
ter de court-house, whar dey wuz a whole
passel er lawyers, an' dey made great long
speeches 'bout 'im, an' de jedge jedged 'im,
an' de jury sot on 'im; but spite er all dis

56

Taily-Po

de man wa'n't sachified, an' he made a tur-
rible racket when dey went ter hang 'im.

"It's purty much de same way wid de
fishes. Spite er de fack dat I been settin*
here workin' on dis seine off an' on mighty
nigh two mont's, de fishes won't no mo' dan
git in it good 'fo' dey '11 make a tumble
splutteration, an' try fer ter break out."

"Well, I reckon so," the little boy ex
claimed.

"Yasser, you can't please eve'ybody.
Ef youer hangin' um, er makin' a seine, er
tellin' a tale, somebody er sump'n will say
'tain't de right thing. I had fresh in my
min' a tale dat follers right 'long atter de
one 'bout ol' Impty-Umpty, same ez de be-
hime wheel uv a buggy follers de front un
— but, bless gracious! dar's yo' mammy
warnin' me not ter call names in vain, an'
I dunner which way ter turn. Look like dey
ain't nothin' lef fer me ter do but ter keep

57

Uncle Remus Returns

my mouf shut, er tell my tales ter myse'f
atter I go ter bed."

The little boy laughed, for Uncle Remus
had, as it were, by chance, hit upon one of
his own little tricks. In a moment he was
serious again. "But grandmother says there
is no harm in the stories," he declared.

"An' a mighty good thing!" exclaimed
Uncle Remus; "kaze ef dey wuz any harm
in um, all our folks would 'a' gone ter rack
an' ruin, an' 'lev'mty-'lev'm ginerations
befo' an' atter. Dey may be de wrong
thing, but dey ain't done nobody no harm,
not sence I kin fust ermember white fum
black — an' dat wuz a long time ago."

"But what was the story, Uncle Re
mus?" asked the little boy, whose interest
was now whetted to a very keen edge.

"Inquirements like dat allers leads ter
mo' talk," remarked the old man, with that
air of wisdom that can only be assumed by

Taily-Po

those who are old in years and experience.
"It's one er dem ar tales what I never is
tell ter yo' pappy. Nothin' ain't suit 'im
ceppin' dem tales 'bout Brer Rabbit, wid
de creeturs persuin 'on atter 'im, an' him
a-persuin' on atter de creeturs. But dey
tells me dat in dem days — de times dat
de tales tells 'bout — Mr. Man an' his kin-
nery wuz e'en about ez servigrous ez any
er de creeturs what wuz persuin' on atter
Brer Rabbit. Dat what de ol' folks say,
an' ef anybody knows it sho'ly ought ter
be dem.

"Well, dish yer tale, what I had fresh in
my min', is got a song in it, an' dat's de
reason I ain't been eetchin' fer ter tell it;
kaze I ain't got de knack er singin' what I
useter have. When I wuz young, de oP
folks wuz allers a-tellin' me dat ef I don't
stop hollin' so loud, I 'd break my puckerin*
string, an' I 'speck dat what de matter wid

59

Uncle Remus Returns

me now. I done holla'd so much, callin' de
hogs an' de sheep, an' one thing an' an'er,
dat you can't 'speck me ter chune up an*
sing des anywhar an' any time.

"When dis tale wuz handed down ter me
— an' dat 'uz too long ago ter talk about -
it seem like dat some kinder hard feelin's
done sprung up 'twix' Mr. Man an' oF
Brer Rabbit, some kinder 'spute 'bout
gyarden peas, an' goobas. Mr. Man say
dat Brer Rabbit nipped off de tops time dey
git out'n de groun' good. Mr. Rabbit, he
'low, dat dem what Mr. Man miss ain't
never come out'n de groun'. Mr. Man say
dat may be so, but he tell Brer Rabbit to des
look at de cabbages, whar dey nibbled.
Brer Rabbit 'low, he did, dat it mought be
the calfies er de big green worms, an' he ax
Mr. Man what needs do he have fer ter be
nibblin' at spindlin' greens like dem, when
he got a fine gyarden er his own. Mr. Man
60

Taily-Po

say he'd a heap rather see dat fine gyarden
dan ter hear tell un it.

"An* so de 'spute run on; one word call-
in' fer an'er, an' dar dey had it twel bimeby
bofe un um wuz tryin' fer ter say two words
ter de yuther's one. De upshot un it wuz
dat Mr. Man git so mad dat he wuz red in
de face, an' he call his dogs, Ramboo, Bam
boo, an' Lamboo, an' sicc'd um on Brer
Rabbit; an' you know mighty well dat ef
dey'd 'a' been any pardnership 'twix' um
dis siccin' de dogs on would 'a' bust it up.

"Now, de dogs ain't got no better sense
dan ter do de best dey kin. Dey track ol'
Brer Rabbit, dey trail 'im an' dey track 'im
'roun' an' 'roun' an' up an' down, twel
bimeby he say ter hisse'f dat ef dey don't
kinder let up he sho' will drap in his tracks.
Whiles he lopin' long, wid his tongue out
an' his tail off, he come ter de big holler
poplar by de cool spring. He went in, he

61

Uncle Remus Returns

did, an' run up sta'rs an' sot down in a
cheer, an' panted like he'd been playin'
hop-an'-go-fetch-it."

The old negro paused at this point, as if
to see what effect the last statement would
have on the child. The youngster knew
as well as any one that a hollow tree has no
stairway and no place for chairs, but the
matter-of-fact way in which Uncle Remus
had made the announcement seemed to be
sufficient evidence of its truth. Indeed, one
of the queerest results of the old man's
manner of telling his stories — the charm
of which cannot be reproduced in cold type
— was that all the animals, and all of the
various characters that figured therein,
were taken out of the reality which we
know, and transported bodily into that
realm of reality which we feel: the reality
that lies far beyond the commonplace,
everyday facts that constitute not the least
62

Taily-Po

of our worries. Fortunately for childhood,
the little boy failed to discover that Uncle
Remus had made any statement out of the
ordinary.

Observing this, the old negro's face
seemed to be lighted up with enthusiasm,
and he resumed the story with more cheer
fulness than the child had ever seen him
exhibit. "He went up sta'rs, he did," said
Uncle Remus, insisting on renewing the
statement, "an' sot down in de big rockin'-
cheer, an' panted twel he got kinder rested.
An' all dis time, Ramboo, Bamboo, an'
Lamboo wuz a-runnin' 'roun' 'wid der nose
ter de groun' tryin' fer ter pick up de trail
where dey los' it at. Dey run here an' dey
run dar, dey run hether an' dey run yan;
but dey can't fin' it, an' bimeby dey drapt
der tails an' went on home."

"But, Uncle Remus," the little boy
interrupted, "why did n't the dogs tree

63

Uncle Remus Returns

Brother Rabbit ? Don't you remember how
you told me that the dogs on the place
here could tree 'possums?"

If the child had been older and wiser, he
would have made sure that he had the old
man in a tight corner, but he never even sus
pected that he had Uncle Remus "treed."
He was simply seeking information. After a
little pause, the venerable story-teller was
himself again, and the little boy never knew
how near he was to catching the old ne
gro as he never had been caught before.
Uncle Remus closed his eyes when the lit
tle boy asked why the dogs did n't trail
Brother Rabbit to the tree, and then tree
him, and gave utterance to a heart-rend
ing groan, as though he was suffering some
fearful pang, physical or mental. He thought
quick and hard, and wondered what reply
he should make, when the youngster him
self came to the rescue. "I reckon that

Taily-Po

was before dogs had been trained to tree
things."

The old man opened wide his eyes, and
grinned from ear to ear. "Honey, you sho'
hit de nail on de head dat time. I wuz des
waitin' fer ter see ef you'd hatter be tol',
an* here you come an' take de words right
out'n my mouf. Dey ain't a day pass dat
you don't git smarter, an' you'll soon be so
dat nobody can't fool you. Yasser! dat's
why de dogs ain't trail Brer Rabbit ter de
tree an' den bay de tree. Dey ain't been
1'arned how; der wa'n't no needs fer it, an*
so when Brer Rabbit went in de holler tree
an' run'd up sta'rs, he des mought ez well
'a' took wings an' flew'd away, fer all de
dogs know'd.

"Well, de dogs went on back home, an*
atter so long a time, atter Brer Rabbit done
chaw on his cud much ez he wanter, he
come down, an' went on 'bout his business.

65

Uncle Remus Returns

An' I tell you, hon, it 'uz big business, too,
ef you'll believe me. He put out, he did,
an' he went, lippity-clippity, 'way off in de
middle er de swamp, whar ol' Mammy-
Bammy Big-Money live at. He wuz gwine
'long mighty gaily 'fo' he got in sight er de
house, but time he see dat, he 'gun ter git
droopy, twel, time he git ter de gate — ef
dey wuz a gate — he look like he been sick
a mont' er mo'."

As soon as Uncle Remus had mentioned
the name of Mammy-Bammy Big-Money
the child straightened himself on the bench
which he was using as a chair, and gave
unmistakable evidence that his interest in
the story had been strengthened and re
newed. He had heard his grandmother
saying something about a witch named
Mammy-Bammy Big-Money, and now he
seemed to be on the point of hearing £
good deal more about her.
66

Taily-Po

"Weak ez he look, he kin' holla, an' he
hailed an' hailed twel somebody hello'd,
an' in he went. When he got in dar, he look
mo' droopy an' puny dan ef he'd 'a' had
a spell er swamp fever. Mammy-Bammy
Big-Money ax 'im what de matter, an' he
say he in deep trouble, an' den he up an'
erlate all de circumstance, 'bout how Mr.
Man been treatin' 'im, an* Mammy-Bammy
Big-Money shuck her head an' say dat it
look like ter her dat dem kinder doin's
ain't much less dan scandalious. Hangin'
on de wall er de place wuz de hide er some
kinder varmint — I dunner what. It had
de head, de footsies, an' de tail on. She tuck
it down, an' laid it on de flo', an' den got a
han'ful er salt an' sprinkle it on de fier, a
little at a time, singin', —

'"Rise, skin, rise,

Open yo' big red eyes —
Sharpen yo' long, black claws,
An* work yo' big strong jaws I*

67

Uncle Remus Returns

"So said, so done, kaze whiles de salt wuz
a-snappin' an' a-crackin' in de fier, de var
mint hide 'gun ter move, an' stretch itse'f.
Den it 'gun ter roll an' waller on de flo' an'
time de salt done all burn up, dar 'twuz, big
ez life an' twice ez nachal, walkin' 'roun'
an' rubbin' 'g'in ol' Mammy-Bammy Big-
Money fer all de worl' like a great, big,
double-j'inted wil'-cat. Brer Rabbit gi' de
varmint plenty er room, whenever it come
his way. Bimeby, de ol' witch up an' tell
Brer Rabbit dat he kin go home now an*
rest in peace, kaze 'tain't gwineter be many
long hours 'fo' Mr. Man will have all he kin
'ten' ter widout pesterin' wid anybody else.

"De hide had been hangin' up so long,
an' wuz so hard an' stiff, dat de varmint had
some trouble 'long at fust. Dey wuz big
hard wrinkles here an' dar, but 'twan't so
mighty long Jfo' it all limbered up, an' de
creetur, whatsomever de name mought be,

68

"RISE, SKIN, RISE "

Taily-Po

got so dat it kin rack 'roun' des ez soople ez
any udder creetur.

"Brer Rabbit went off home an' went ter
bed, so dat when night come he kin be up
an' about, wid bofe eyes open, an' bofe
y'ears ready fer ter hear a bug flyin' a mile
off. When 'twuz time fer Brer Rabbit ter
git up an' be a-moseyin' 'roun' fer ter see
what dey is fer ter be seed, Mr. Man wuz
fixin' fer ter go ter bed. He got in dar, he
did, an' de bed feel so satchifyin' dat he
fetch a grunt an' a groan, an' den, 'fo' you
kin say Billy Billups, wid yo' mouf open, he
wuz done gone, an' eve'y time he drawed a
breff it soun' like somebody wuz tryin' fer
ter grin' coffee.

"Well, it went on dis away, twel some
time endurin' de night, an' den, all at once,
Mr. Man opened his eyes an' fin' hisse'f
wide awake, des like folks do when dey git
de idee dat dey 's somebody in de room. He

69

Uncle Remus Returns

lissen, an' he lissen, an' bimeby he hear
sump'n stirrin' 'bout 'mongst de pots an' de
pans in de little room whar he does his
cookin' at. He hear it an' den he don't hear
it; den he hear it, an' it soun' like dey's
sump'n in dar huntin' fer scraps er vittles.
So, out er de bed he slips, an' slams de do'
too, which it done come open. He slams
it, but not befo' de creetur what's in dar
done gone out, all 'ceppin' de tail. He
cotch de tail when he slam de do', an' off it
come right smick-smack-smoove. De tail
wuz wigglin' so dat he can't hardly pick it
up, an' when he do, he can't hardly hoi' it
in his han'. He look at it, an' he say ter
hisse'f dat he ain't never is see no tail like
dat.

"He tuck 'n tuck it in de room whar he

sleep at, an' onkiwer'd de fier, an' kindle it

up, an' all dis time de tail what he had in

his han' wuz givin' him 'bout ez much ez he

70

Taily-Po

kin do fer ter hoi' it. Bimeby, he put it
down on de ha'th, an' put his foot on it,
but it wuz a long tail an' a strong tail, an'
it kep' up a mighty wigglin' an* squirmin',
an' it worked itse'f out so dat it had some
room, an' den it 'gun ter hit de man on de
legs, an' it hit so hard dat it made 'im holla.
Den he got mad, an' he grab up de tail an'
flung it in de fier, spang in de middle er de
red-hot embers. Ef you never see squirmin'
you mought 'a' seed it den ef you'd 'a' been
dar. You know how lizzud's taiPll jump,
an' do like deyer 'live long atter dey been
knocked off — well, dish yer tail wuz lots
mo' liver dan what dey is. It 'uz a big
strong tail, an' it jump 'bout so dat it knock
de ashes an' de embers out on de h'ath, an'
de onliest way dat Mr. Man kin keep it in
de fier, is ter hoi' it down wid de tongs
whiles he tuck de shovel an' kiwered it wid
de live coals. It fried an' shook, an' shook

7*

Uncle Remus Returns

an' fried, twel bimeby it look like dey
wa'n't nothin' fer ter fry an' shake.

"Den Mr. Man went ter bed ag'in, atter
lookin' at de sev'm stars fer ter see what
time 'tis, an' he make up his min' he gwine-
ter ketch up de sleep what he done los',
but time he git ter dozin' good, he hear a
mighty scratchin' an' gnyawin' at de top
er de do' whar dey wuz a crack at. He 'low,
'Who dat?' an' den he lay still an' lis-
sen, an' atter while he hear sump'n say an'
sing —

" 'Taily-po! You know an' I know
Dat I wants my Taily-po!
Over an' under an' thoo de do',
I'm a-comin' fer ter git my Taily-po! "

Uncle Remus gave to this nonsense a
queer, whining intonation, and while he was
singing, or intoning it, he pretended to be
crying. Its effect on the little boy was pe
culiar. He frowned in sympathy, and caught

72

Taily-Po

his breath. "Wasn't Mr. Man scared?"
he asked. "Why did n't he get his gun?"
"Shoo, honey! in dem times all de guns
wuz pop-guns," the old man replied. "De
fightin' dey had wuz fist an' skull; dey
knocked down an' drug out, an' bit an*
gouged. Guns ! why, ef a gun had 'a' went off
whar dey could hear it, dey'd er run spang
ter de Jumpin'-Off Place, wharsomever dat
may be. Mr. Man laid dar in bed, an' he
ain't know what ter do. De scratchin' an'
gnyawin' went on, twel Mr. Man fa'rly
shuck an' shivered; but bimeby he thunk
er his dogs, an' he made so bol' ez ter go
ter de back do' an' call um." At this point,
Uncle Remus raised his voice to a very high
pitch, as people do in the country places
when they call their dogs. "'Here, Ram-
boo! here, Bamboo! here, Lamboo — here,
here! Here, dogs, here!' Well, de dogs
ain't got no better sense dan ter come when

73

Uncle Remus Returns

deyer called, an' dey come a-runnin'. Mr.
Man sicc'd urn 'roun' ter de front er de
house, an' it seem like dat when dey got dar,
dey tuck right atter sump'n, an' off dey
went a-flyin' twel dey git plumb out'n
hearin'.

' To' dey kin git back home ag'in, Mr.
Man wuz des 'bout ter drap off ter sleep
when he hear de same scratchin' fuss, an'
dis time it wuz at de back do', whar dey
wuz a bigger crack. He ax who de name er
goodness is dat, an' what does dey want at
dis time er night, when all honest folks
oughter be in bed. An' no sooner is he ax
dis, dan dere come de answer —

" 'Yo' name, I know, is Whaley-Joe,
An* 'fo' I 'm gwineter rVly go,
I'm bleeze ter have my Taily-po;
Gi' me dat an' I'll gaily go —
Taily-po ! my Taily-po ! '

"Mr. Man went out ter de front an' call
de dogs, but dey ain't dar, an' so dey can't

74

Taily-Po

'spon'. Dar wuz Mr. Man, an' some'rs
not fur off wuz de scratchin' an' gnyawin'
creetur, cryin' out —

" ' I know you know, an' I know I know,
Dat all I wants is my Taily-po!'

"Mr. Man shut an' barr'd de do', an'
went back ter bed an' pull de kiwer over
his head, kaze he dunner what mo' ter do.
He can't ketch de creetur in de dark, widout
de he'p er de dogs, an' de dogs done gone
'way off yander. He got his head kiwered,
but 'spite er dis he bleeze ter lissen at de
scratchin', an' gnyawin', an' growlin', an'
he shake an' shiver wuss'n he y'ever
done.

"Somehow er 'nother, by toof er toe-
nail, de creetur got in de house, an' no
sooner is he git in dan he 'gun ter ramble
'roun' huntin' fer his tail. He rambled, he
did, an' when anything got in his way, he'd
hunch it over, an' root it out'n de way,

75

Uncle Remus Returns

Pans fell on de flo', — slam-bang-er-rang!
• — pots got turned over, an' when dey roll
'cross de flo' dey soun' like a young thun
derstorm. De man, he lay dar, an' shuck
an' shiver'd.

"Bimeby de varmint come ter de fier-
place in de room where de man sleepin' at.
In dem days, dey wa'n't no matches, not
even deze here smifflicatin' kin', an' folks
hatter kiwer up der fier ef dey 'speckted
ter fin' any dar de nex' mornin' ; 'twuz dat,
er walkin' a mile er mo' fer ter bony a
chunk. Well, Mr. Man had kiwer'd his
fier atter he put de creetur's tail in de em
bers; he had ashes on top er de embers, an'
de embers on top er de chunks an' coals.
De creetur come up ter de h'ath, he did,
an' nosed 'roun', an' it seem like he smell
sump'n, kaze he growled, an' den he whined,
an' wid dat, he start ter paw in de fier.
De way he scratch an' claw it up wuz er

Taily-Po

sin. De red-hot embers flew'd out on de
flo', de live coals foller'd urn, an' den out
come der chunks, an' wharsomever dey hit
a blaze sprung up. Some flew'd on de bed,
an' some flew'd clean over it. When de
creetur had claw'd all de fier out, dar wuz
his tail all safe an' soun', an' he grabbed it
up in his mouf, an' went outer de house like
dey wuz sump'n atter him.

"By dat time de house wuz in a blaze,
an' not only de house, but de bed whar Mr.
Man wuz layin' at. 'Twuz den gittin' close
ter daybreak, an' when de yuther folks
'gun ter wake up an' stir 'roun', dey say,
'Heyo! some neighbor is burnin' off his new
groun'.' Ol' Brer Rabbit, settin' in his
rockin'-cheer, kinder wunk one eye, an' say,
'Humph! I 'clar' ter gracious ef I don't
smell smoke!' Ol' Mammy-Bammy Big-
Money, 'way off in de swamp, raise her
head an' say, 'I smells meat a-fryin'!' '

77

Uncle Remus Returns

The little boy waited a few minutes to
see if Uncle Remus had finished the story,
and then he ran off to tell it to his grand
mother.

BROTHER RABBIT, BROTHER
FOX, AND TWO FAT PULLETS

THE little boy to whom Uncle Re
mus told his later stories was not
as persistent, not as insistent, as
was his father before him, when he was a
youngster. This fact was not as pleasing
to the old man as might be expected. He
liked to be asked for a story so that he
might have an opportunity of indulging in
a friendly dispute, a wrangle of words, and
then suddenly end it all by telling the tale
that happened to be in his mind at the mo
ment. In short, he delighted to whet the
expectations of the youngster, and arouse
his enthusiasm.

This particular little boy never appeared
to be very anxious for a story unless the
old man led up to it by means of conver-

79

Uncle Remus Returns

sation and comment, or indicated it by
some evasive allusion, and when the story
was once under way, the child rarely in
terrupted to ask a question, so that Uncle
Remus was frequently in great doubt as
to whether the tale had been an enjoyable
one. What the old man liked best of all
things was to hear children laugh, and to
feel that he had in some measure added
to the sum of their enjoyment. Most of
his quarrels were mock quarrels, and his
severest frowns always had pretense for a
basis.

Over and above the results of his train
ing which the old man — agreeing with the
grandmother — thought had been of a
severity out of all proportion to the charac
ter of the child, the little boy was as much
interested in Uncle Remus himself as he
was in the stories he told, for the old man
had already developed into a tradition. His
80

Two Fat Pullets

name was as much a part of the family as
that of any member thereof, and if the child
had any hero, such as dwell in the realm
of mystery and romance, it was Uncle Re
mus himself, with his gray head and his air
of belonging to some other place and some
other time; and all this in spite of the fact
that no other person could take his place,
or fit and fill the position which he occupied.

One day when the little boy came to see
the old man, he seemed to be somewhat
disturbed about something. "Uncle Remus
— Uncle Remus!" he cried, and then, re
membering some admonition that had to
do with conduct, he paused.

"Why, honey, what's de matter? Who
been pesterin' you? Des tell me der name,
an' how big dey is, an' I '11 see ef I can't put
a flea in der y'ear — an' maybe two."

"There isn't anything the matter —
much. After I was ready to go to bed last
81

Uncle Remus Returns

night, I did n't feel very sleepy, and grand
mother told me a story. She said it was one
you used to tell to papa. But that was n't
all : she said that all the animals were once
meat-eaters. I don't see how that could be."

"Well, ef dat's all yo' trouble, honey, it
sho' ain't much. You kin put yo' 'pen-
nunce in what Miss Sally say. Ef she tells
you de creeturs wuz meat-eaters, dey sho'
wuz, an' ef she tell you dat dey ain't never
is eat no meat, you kin put it down des dat
away."

"Grandmother was telling how Brother
Rabbit got some meat from Mr. Man,"
said the little boy by way of explanation.

"Yasser!" exclaimed Uncle Remus, en
thusiastically. "It seem des like yistiddy
I wuz tellin' dat tale ter yo' pappy. He
wuz settin' right on dat bench dar, foolin'
wid my shoe-knife an' mixin' de big pegs
wid de little uns, an' I hatter holla at 'im
82

Two Fat Pullets

mo'n once. He wuz some bigger dan what
you is, an' he had mo' life in him dan a
quart er camphene. It seem jus' like 'twuz
yistiddy, but he done growM up, an' now
here you is, not much bigger dan a bunch
er ripe chanyberries what de robins been
tamperin' wid. Ez Miss Sally say, Time is
got a heaper flewjus mixt up wid it. You
think it's a-standin' still, but all dat time
it's des a-callyhootin', an' a-humpin', an'
a-totin' de mail. You can't hear de ingine,
but dey's one dar, an' a mighty big un at
dat, an' it's gwine yander."

"Where is it going?" asked the little boy.

"It's gwine whar it's gwine, dat's whar
it's gwine," replied Uncle Remus, in a tone
and with an air that seemed to render
further inquiry not only unnecessary, but
altogether absurd. "It ain't doin' nothin'
but des a-gwine, an' when it gits whar
it's gwine, it keeps on a-gwine; an' ef you

83

Uncle Remus Returns

wanter go wid it, go you kin, ef you'll des
le' me stay right whar I is/'

The little boy said nothing more on that
subject, which was quite beyond his com
prehension. He sat quite still while Uncle
Remus sharpened his pocket-knife, which
was a large horn-handle affair, and bore the
marks of long usage. "Grandmother said
you were not the only person that said the
animals ate meat, or something else besides
vegetables. She told how Plutarch said
something about the sheep eating fish."

"Did she say dat?" inquired Uncle Re
mus. When the little boy nodded his head
in the affirmative, the old negro closed his
eyes and seemed to be reflecting. Pres
ently he returned to the subject. "Plu
tarch! Is Miss Sally say what plantation
he live on?" The child shook his head.
"Well," responded Uncle Remus, with a
sigh of relief, "he ain't never is live in deze

Two Fat Pullets

parts, kaze ef he had I 'd 'a' know'd 'im. I
'speck Miss Sally hear talk un him de time
she went ter Ferginny, kaze ef dey'd 'a'
been any Plutarch 'mongs' de niggers in
deze diggings I 'd 'a' know'd 'im.

"Le' 'im be whar he will er whar he kin,
de creeturs all use ter eat meat stidder
grass an' hay, an' it hatter be fresh. Dey
wuz all so greedy dat bimeby fresh meat
'gun ter git skace, an' dey hatter study how
an' whar dey gwine git it, an' how dey
gwine keep it fum de balance un um atter
dey got it. It got so, atter while, dat dey
hatter all gi' a sheer er what dey got ter
King Lion, an' it seem like he had a y'appe-
tite bigger dan a th'ashin' machine. Den
de time come when King Lion stuck a brier
in his foot, an' de yuther creeturs hatter
set up all night an' git up 'fo' day fer ter
keep 'im wid 'nough fresh meat fer ter keep
'im fum starvin' ter deff.

85

Uncle Remus Returns

"He'd lay dar an' groan, twel some un
urn come in wid a hunk er fresh meat, an'
den he'd growl an' ax um ef dat 'uz all dey
kin fetch. Long 'bout dat time his foot got
so bad dat he hatter sen' fer de doctor —
an' whom should de doctor be but ol' Brer
Rabbit hisse'f! He ain't had no powders
an' he ain't had no pills, but he know a
mighty heap 'bout yarbs an' such like green
truck. He know how to make bergamot
grease fer ter put on his ha'r when he go to
see Miss Meadows an' de gals ; he know dat
peach-leaf poultice is good fer biles; he
know dat sheep-sorrel salve is good fer ol*
sores; an' he know dat white turkentime
an' mutton-suet will heal up fresh hurts
an' cuts. De creeturs hear 'im talkin' 'bout
all er deze salves an' truck, an', des fer fun
dey call 'im dock when dey ain't frettin'
'bout de way he been doin' um.

"Well, ol' King Lion sont fer de doctor,
86

Two Fat Pullets

an' Brer Rabbit looked in on 'im fer ter see
what mought be done fer 'im. Now, ter
look at de paw what de brier wuz stuck in,
Brer Rabbit hatter go monstus close. ter
King Lion's mouf, which wuz spang full er
blood red tongue an' shiny tushes, an' he
ain't like dat kinder business nohow. Eve'y
time Brer Rabbit 'ud feel de hot breff er
King Lion blowin' on 'im, he'd flinch an*
swink up, an' when oP King Lion gaped,
Brer Rabbit like ter fainted dead away.
But he fumble 'roun' an' stayed dar de best
he kin, an' fix up de paw wid some kinder
soothin' salve fer ter draw de infermation
out, an' den he say his so-long.

"When he come outen King Lion's
house, he tuck notice dat uv all de creeturs
waitin' der turn fer ter go in, Brer Fox
wa'n't dar. He up an' ax, he did, 'Whar
Brer Fox?' Nobody make answer. Den
Brer Rabbit holla out, loud ez what he kin,

8?

Uncle Remus Returns

*Is anybody seed Brer Fox?' Dey shuck
der heads, one an' all; nobody ain't seed
'im. Den Brer Rabbit he poled off down
de big road. Soon ez he got out'n sight er
de crowd, he sot down by de side er de road
an' had a laughin' spell dat lasted fer de
longest. Mo' dan once he made a motion
like he gwineter git up fum dar an' go on
whar he gwine, but 'fo' he got on his feet
good, de giggles 'd git de better un 'im, an'
he'd hatter set down ag'in.

"Atter so long a time he got so he kin
walk, an' den he put out down de big road.
He come ter whar de roads cross, when who
should he meet but oP Brer Fox! An' not
only Brer Fox, but two fat pullets, an' de ol'
puddle duck what been waddlin' 'roun' in
dem neighborhoods fer mo' years dan I kin
tell you. Brer Rabbit, he howdied, an'
Brer Fox, he hello'd, an' den Brer Rabbit
he up an' ax him whar he been all dis long
88

Two Fat Pullets

time, mo' speshually sence he wa'n't up dar
whar King Lion live at. * Dey wuz a mighty
inquirement fer you, Brer Fox/ sez ol' Brer
Rabbit, sezee, 'an' I tol' um all dat you
wuz kinder feeble, here lately, an' dat you
wuz tryin' fer ter pick up some flesh. An',
sho' 'nough, you wuz.' Wid dat, Brer
Rabbit flick a thistle seed off'n his nose
wid his behime foot.

"Brer Fox look kinder sheepish when he
hear dat, an' he ax Brer Rabbit ef King
Lion make any inquirements 'bout 'im.
Brer Rabbit 'low, 'He call out yo' name
mo' dan once, an' he put some langwidge
'roun' it dat 'ud burn a hole in my tongue
ef I wuz ter say it. I hope he'll be feelin'
better when nex' you see 'im.' Brer Fox,
he say, sezee, 'Fer goodness' sake, Brer
Rabbit! Did he up an' cuss?' Brer Rabbit
'low, he did, 'I ain't no toter er tales, Brer
Fox, but ef you kin git out'n yo' min' any-

Uncle Remus Returns

thing wuss dan cussin' den dat des what
King Lion say/ Brer Fox ax what he gwine
ter do 'bout it, an' Brer Rabbit say he be
bless' ef he know.

"Dey jower'd awhile, an' 'bout de time
dat Brer Fox wuz gwineter say his so-long,
Brer Rabbit, atter feelin' in his pockets, an'
lookin' skeered like he done los' sump'n,
pull out a piece er paper an' hoi' it up. He
'low, 'Atter ol' King Lion had his spell er
warm talk, he han' me dis, an' say dat I
wuz ter show it when I seed you. Now, ter
make sho' dat you seed it, des t'ar off one
cornder, an' gi' it to King Lion when nex'
you see 'im. 'Tain't nothin' 'tall but a
soople-peeny.' Brer Fox, he look at it
kinder sideways. He 'low, 'Is dey any
writin' on it ? Kaze ef dey is 'tain't gwine
ter do me no good fer ter look at it; I kin
read readin', but I can't read writin'.' Brer
Rabbit say dat's de case wid him, 'ceppin'
90

Two Fat Pullets

dat he kin read writin', but he can't read
readin'. Brer Fox, he ax, he did, 'What do
de writin' say?' Brer Rabbit, he kinder
wrinkle up his forrer'd, an' hoi' out de paper
like you've seed ol' folks do. He make like
he readin', an' he 'low, 'All an' simely,
whichever, an' whoever, an' wharsomever,
speshually de howcome an' de whatshis-
name, de 'fo' said, flainter an' flender, le*
'im come headfo'most inter de court-house,
whar de high she'ff an' de low kin lay 'im
down an' flatten 'im out; all whomst she
mought consarn. 'Nough said/ 3

The little boy stared at Uncle Remus
with wide eyes, as though the old man had
lost his senses. "What did all that mean?"
he asked.

" It mean dat King Lion want Brer Fox
fer ter come up dar whar he kin git bofe
paws on 'im, dat what it mean!" When he
began to answer the little boy's query,

Uncle Remus Returns

Uncle Remus had pretended to be some
what indignant, but it suddenly dawned on
him that Brother Rabbit was only pre
tending that he had a paper from King
Lion, and his frown spread itself out into a
smile that was pleasing to see. " 'Twould
9 a9 meant dat, honey, ef dey'd V been any
writin' on de paper, but Brer Rabbit wuz
des playin' one er his pranks. He had one
eye on dem fat pullets an' dat oY Widdle-
Waddle Puddle Duck, dat 's what he had,
an' time he see Brer Fox totin' um, he 'gun
ter worry how he gwineter git one er bofe,

or all un um.

•

"Brer Rabbit ain't let on 'bout de pullets
an* ol' Widdle-Waddle, but he had um in
his eye an' likewise in his min'. So he say,
'Now you done hear what de paper say,
Brer Fox, you better foller de sesso. Here
de piece what's tor'd off; take dat an' put
it in yo' pocket, an' when ol' King Lion ax
92

Two Fat Pullets

you is you seed me, des show it — an' don't
be all day 'bout it, nudder.' Brer Fox ax is
he got time fer ter take his meat home, an'
Brer Rabbit 'low dat he is. Wid dat, he put
out down de road, an' Brer Rabbit sot right
flat on de groun' an' laugh, twel, ef you'd
'a' seed 'im, you'd 'a' said he done fin' a
new gigglin' place.

"He foller'd long atter Brer Fox, but
tuck keer fer ter keep out'n sight. He seed
Brer Fox run in his house, fer ter put oY
Widdle-Waddle an' de pullets 'way. Den
he run out ag'in, foller'd by his ol' 'oman,
an' he hear her holla out, 'You better come
on back here an' he'p me wid deze chillun
er yone, kaze it's a mighty fine sitiwation
when a 'oman, an' her not well at dat, has
ter do eve'y blessed thing dey is ter be done
— split up de wood ter make a fier, pick up
de chips fer ter kin'le it wid, do all de cook-
in', all de pullin' an' haulin', an' take keer
93

Uncle Remus Returns

er all yo' good-for-nothin' chillun! You
better come on back here, I tell you!' But
by dat time, Brer Fox wuz done gone.

"Brer Rabbit stay'd whar he wuz a right
smart whet, long 'nough fer Brer Fox ter
mos' git whar he gwine, an5 den he sa'nter'd
out in de big road an' make his way ter
Brer Fox' house. He went up, he did,
monstus perlite — it look like butter won't
melt in mouf. He open de gate slow, an' he
make sho' it wuz shet behime 'im. He
went ter de do' an' rap on it, an' stan' dar
wid his hat in his han', an' look mighty
umble-come-tumble.

"OF Miss Fox, she open de do', she
did, an' Brer Rabbit pass de time er day
wid 'er, an' den say he got a message fer
her some'rs in his pocket, ef he kin y'ever
fin' it. Alter so long a time, he fin' de
paper what Brer Rabbit say come fum
ol' King Lion. He han' her dis, an' Miss

94

>

Two Fat Pullets

Fox say she ain't a good ban' at readin',
not sence de chillun broke her fur-seein'
specks, an' she dunner what de name er
goodness she gwine do, speshually when
her ol' man ain't skacely got time fer ter
stay at home, an' when he does run in it
look like de flo'll burn blisters in his feet,
an' she say ef she'd 'a' know'd at fust what
she know at last, she'd take two long thinks
and a mighty big thunk 'fo' she'd marry
anybody in de roun' worl'. Brer Rabbit, he
'low, 'Yassum!' an' den he up an' tell 'er
dat he met Brer Fox, which King Lion done
sont 'im a soople-peeny. Brer Fox ax 'im
how he gittin' on, an' Brer Rabbit say he'd
be gittin' on purty well ef he had anything
ter eat at his house. (All dis is de tale dat
Brer Rabbit wuz po'in' in ol' Miss Fox'
y'ear.) Den Brer Fox wipe his eye an' say
'tain't gwine do fer Brer Rabbit ter go
widout eatin'. Ol' Miss Fox break inter de

95

Uncle Remus Returns

tale wid, 'I wish he'd wipe his eye 'bout
some er my troubles; his eye is dry 'nough
when he's 'roun' here.'

"Brer Rabbit 'low, 'Yassum!' an' den
he say dat Brer Fox 'low ez how no longer'n
dat ve'y mornin' he fotch home two fat pul
lets an' ol' Widdle-Waddle Puddle Duck,
an' he say Brer Rabbit kin have his choosen-
ment er de pullets er der puddle duck. Mo'
dan dat, Brer Rabbit say, Brer Fox sot
right flat in de road an' writ Miss Fox a
note, so dat she'll know his will an' desire-
ments.

"OF Miss Fox look at Brer Rabbit
mighty hard. She done tell 'im 'bout her
fur-seein' specks, an' she say dat ef de letter
ain't read twel she reads it, she mighty sorry
fer de letter. She tuck it an' turn it upper-
side down an' roun' an' roun', an' den han'
it back ter Brer Rabbit, wid, 'What do she
say?' Brer Rabbit, he cleYd his th'oat,
96

.Two Fat Pullets

an' make out he readin'; he say, 'Ter all
whomst it mought contrive er consarn,
bofe now an' presently: Be so pleased ez
ter let Brer Rabbit have de pullets er de
puddle duck. I 'm well at dis writin' an' 'a'
hopin' you er enjoyin' de same shower er
blessin's.'

"'Whatsomever it mought er been,
'tain't no love-letter,' sez oP Miss Fox, sez
she, an' den she fotch out de two fat pullets,
an' Brer Rabbit, he mosied off home, sing-
in' de song dat tells 'bout how Mr. Fox done
lef de towny-o."

Uncle Remus paused, leaned his head
back, and groaned. "Is that all?" asked
the little boy. "It mought be, an' den ag'in
it mought n't," the old man responded. "It
'pen's on who's a-tellin' de tale. Some folks
would cut it right short off an' let it go at
dat, but not me. When I starts fer ter tell
a tale, I pursues it right ter de en' des like

97

Uncle Remus Returns

de creeturs wuz pursuin' one an'er — des
like de big men is pursuin' de little men,
wid de little men gittin' ter kiwer, an*
a-hittin' back ez dey run.

"One thing Brer Rabbit know mighty
nigh ez well ez he know dat he's hongry.
He know 'twon't never do in de roun' worl'
fer Brer Fox fer ter go back home, an' fin'
out how de pullets went. So when he git
out'n sight er Brer Fox' house, he whipped
up an' went a-runnin' home des ez hard ez
he kin, an' he tell his ol' lady fer ter take de
pullets an' fix um fine wid de kinder doin's
dey has wid chickens, kaze he mought have
comp'ny. He say he got ter go back an' see
how ol' King Lion's paw gittin' on, an' he
put out fer ter be dar 'fo' Brer Fox come
'way.

" He lit out, he did, an* fa'rly burnt up de
big road wid his footsies — bookity-bookity
— an' when he git dar, sho' 'nough, Brer

Two Fat Pullets

Fox wuz dar, lookin' like de really-truly
goodness wuz des drippin' fum his mouf, an'
oozin' fum his hide. You may 'a' seed folks
dat look umble-come-tumble, but you ain't
never is see nobody dat got umble-come^
tumbleness down ez fine ez what Mr. Fox
had it. An' a mighty good reason, kaze he
wuz skeered dat King Lion wuz gwine ter
haul 'im over de coals fer not fetchin' de
meat dat he ought er fotch 'im. When Brer
Fox got ter whar King Lion do de kingin',
dey wuz a whole passel er creeturs ahead un
'im, an' mighty nigh all un um had some
meat, an' dem what ain't had it, come wid
some tale fer ter skusen deyse'f. Dey went
in, one by one, an' had der confab, an' den
come out ag'in, some lookin' glad an' some
lookin' mad; an' all dat time dar sot Brer
Fox waitin' his turn.

"He wuz might'ly holp up when he see
Brer Rabbit, kaze he know'd dat Brer Rab-

99

Uncle Remus Returns

bit, bein' de doctor, kin git in dar 'fo' any
body. He hail Brer Rabbit, an' say he
mighty glad fer ter see 'im once mo', live an'
well, an' Brer Rabbit 'spon' dat he monstus
glad fer ter see Brer Fox. He 'low, 'I'm
mo' dan glad fer ter see you ain't been in
dar whar de King 's doin' his kingin' at,' sez
ol' Brer Rabbit, sezee. 'I wuz fear'd you'd
take a notion an' go in dar 'fo' I kin git back,
an' dat 'ud 'a' been mighty bad fer you —
it sho' would.' Den Brer Rabbit look like
he studyin', an' bimeby, he up an' say,
sezee/ Brer Fox, you stay right whar you is,
an' don't try ter go in dar whar de King at
twel I gi' you de word ; I dunner what he
mought do ter you/ Brer Fox say he
mighty glad Brer Rabbit got dar in time fer
ter save his hide.

"Now, Brer Rabbit bein' de doctor, he
had de right fer ter go in dar whar de King
at widout any stan'in' 'roun' an' waitin',

100

Two Fat Pullets

an' he elbow'd his way thoo de waitin' cree-
turs, spite or der spittin' an' growlin', an*
went right on in whar King Lion at. His
paw wuz all wrapped up, an' he wuz des
drappin' off ter sleep, an' whiles Brer Rab
bit wuz lookin' at 'im, he turned loose, he
did, an' 'gun ter sno' like he done swaller'd
a hoss, mane an' huff. Seein' dat, Brer
Rabbit make a bow, an' go right out whar
Brer Fox an' de yuther creeturs wuz waitin'
at.

"Soon ez Brer Fox see dis, he ax Brer
Rabbit what de news. Brer Rabbit tuck
'im off one side, an' tell 'im he better go on
home, kaze King Lion wuz tur'bly put out
by de way Brer Fox been gwine on. *I
begged off fer you, Brer Fox/ sez ol9 Brer
Rabbit, sezee, 'an' he say dat he'll skuzen
you dis time, but de nex' time — ' Brer
Rabbit make a motion like he takin' off his
head. 'You better go on home, Brer Fox/
101

Uncle 'Remus Returns

sezee, 'fo' yo' ol' 'oman gives 'way dem
fine fat pullets what I seed you wid dis
morninV Brer Fox laugh; he say he'd like
fer ter see somebody git dem pullets 'way
fum his ol' 'oman. ' Ef you kin git um, Brer
Rabbit,' sezee, 'youer mo' dan welcome.'
'Desso!' Brer Rabbit 'low, 'Thanky, Brer
Fox, thanky!' an' he went lippity-clippitin'
down de road, laughin' so loud dat Brer
Fox stop an' look at 'im, wid 'I'd like ter
know what's de joke' kinder 'spression on
his coun'nance."

HOW BROTHER RABBIT BROUGHT

FAMILY TROUBLE ON

BROTHER FOX

THE little boy sat in a thoughtful
attitude after Uncle Remus had
told him how Brother Rabbit had
fraudulently secured Brother Fox's pullets.
He had been taught never to ignore the
difference between right and wrong — jus
tice and injustice — and in his mind the
line between the two was sharply and
deeply drawn. He sat reflecting, while
Uncle Remus busied himself about his work
bench, on one end of which was his favorite
seat. He arranged and rearranged his tools,
and then folded his hands in his lap with an
air of satisfaction. He evidently expected
the youngster to make some comment or
observation, and when he had waited a little

103

Uncle Remus Returns

while, he made a remark calculated to draw
the child out.

"I'm fear'd you ain't feelin' well, honey.
Sump'n in dat tale must 'a' made you feel
bad." The little boy looked at him, but
made no response. "Wharbouts in de tale
wuz you tooken sick at ? " Uncle Remus in
quired, with a great display of solicitude.

"Why, I'm not sick, Uncle Remus,"
replied the lad.

"Well, I'm monstus glad ter hear it,"
the old man responded, "kase you sho' had
me skeer'd. A little mo', an' I'd 'a' tol' you
fer ter run an' let yo' granny look at yo'
tongue an' feel er yo' pulsh." The child
laughed at this, and then became serious
again. "Dey 's sump'n de matter v/id you,"
Uncle Remus insisted, "kaze eve'y sence
I tol' you dat tale, you been lookin' like you
got mo' on yo' min' dan you kin tote."

"I was just thinking," said the child,
104

Brother Fox's Family Trouble

somewhat shyly — he was always embar
rassed when commenting on Uncle Remus's
stories — "I was just thinking that when
Brother Rabbit got the chickens from
Brother Fox, he was really stealing them."

"Dey ain't no two ways 'bout dat," said
Uncle Remus complacently. "But what
wuz Brer Fox doin' when he got um? Pul
lets an' puddle-ducks don't grow on trees,
an' it's been a mighty long time sence dey
been runnin' wil'. No, honey! Dey's a
heap er idees dat you got ter shake off ef
you gwineter put de creeturs 'longside er
folks; you'll hatter shake um, an' shuck
um. Creeturs could talk like folks in dat
day an' time, an' dey kin do a heap er things
what folks do; but you kin see de diffunce
fer yo'se'f. Folks got der laws, an' de cree
turs got der'n, an' it bleeze ter be dat-a-
way.

"Brer Rabbit took de pullets when by

105

Uncle Remus Returns

good rights he oughter lef um whar he fin'
um, but you'll Tarn fer yo'se'f dat dey's
a heap er folks lots wuss dan Brer Rabbit,
when it comes ter takin' what ain't der'n,
an' when you 1'arn it you'll look back on
dese times an' feel so sorry dat you ain't
got um wid you dat you'll hatter wipe yo'
eyes an' blow yo' nose — an' I 'm a-hopin'
mighty strong dat you won't be tryin' fer
ter show off in no gal comp'ny when you
does it, kaze dat'd make Miss Sally turn
in her grave."

These remarks were way beyond the
little boy, but he accepted them as an ex
planation, though it was not altogether
satisfactory. He seemed to imagine that
if the animals could talk and reason in the
way that Uncle Remus represented them,
they should have some idea of the differ
ence between right and wrong. The old
negro had no difficulty whatever in per-
106

Brother Fox's Family Trouble

ceiving the nature of the child's trouble, and
he dealt with it as seriously and as solemnly
as he knew how.

"It seem like," he said, glancing at the
little boy, "dat folks is got one way er
lookin' at things, an' it's all bleeze ter be
des de way dey think it oughter be. Ef dey
had diffunt eyes, an' ef deze eyes wuz on a
diffunt level, dey would n't see de way dey
does now; what dey see would be a little
mo' slonchways, an' den eve'ybody would
git diffunt idees. Well, de diffunt eyes an'
de diffunt idees dat folks mought 'a' had,
dat des zackly what de creeturs got. What
dey see dey see slonchways, stidder upen-
dickler. Folks got der ways, an' de creeturs
is got der'n, an' deze yer ways wuz proned
in um fum de fust.

"Creetur law ain't folks' law, nohow you
kin fix it," Uncle Remus went on, with the
unction of a country preacher. "Dar wuz
107

Uncle Remus Returns

bP Brer Fox, wid his pullets an' his puddle-
duck; an' you done got de idee dat Brer
Rabbit done wrong when he work his head
an' han's fer ter git holt un um. But le' me
ax you dis: Whar did Brer Fox git um? He
ain't git um at home, kaze he wuz totin'
um dar when we fust run across 'im; he
ain't git um in de woods, kaze pullets an'
puddle-ducks ain't grow on trees — an* ef
dey is, Brer Fox can't dim' no higher dan
he kin jump. Now, you kin put it down
an' carry four, dat wharsomever Brer Fox
lay han's on um, he ain't buy'd um, an'
needer wuz dey gun ter 'im. Dat much you
don't hatter guess at; you des knows it by
yo' nose an' yo' two big toes.

"Let 'lone dat, de pullets an' de puddle-
duck mought not 'a' b'long'd ter de one
what Brer Fox tuck um fum, an' I boun'
you dat 'twould take a mighty long time fer
ter hunt up an' s'arch out de nick-names an'
108

Brother Fox's Family Trouble

de pettygrees er all dem what had um 'fo'
Brer Rabbit drapped um in his rasher-bag."
Uncle Remus paused to take note of the
direction of the wind and the appearance of
the sky; then he sighed and closed his eyes.
After awhile, the spirit seemed to move
him, and he straightened himself on the
work-bench, and exchanged the somewhat
uncomfortable seat for a chair.

"I'm mighty glad you spoken'd up an*
say what you did, honey," he remarked,
"kaze a leetle mo', an' I'd 'a' up an' 'a'
whirled in, an' 'a' tol' you de t'er part er dat
tale 'bout Brer Rabbit an' de pullets an' de
puddle-duck; I sho' would, an' den you'd
'a' felt so mighty sorry 'bout de way de
creeturs look at things, dat you'd 'a' went
behime de smoke-' ouse an' 'a' boo-hoo'd
des like yo' gizzard wuz gwine ter break in
two."

The little boy gave the old negro a quick
109

Uncle Remus Returns

glance of reproach. "Why, Uncle Remus!"
he exclaimed, "I thought you always fin
ished a story when you begun it; you said so
yourself."

In spite of a desire to treat the child
seriously, Uncle Remus grinned broadly.
"De way I look at it, honey, you hatter
harness two hosses one at a time, less'n you
got a man fer ter he'p you; an' when youer
tellin' a two-hoss tale, you hatter tell um
one at a time. Ef I wuz ter try fer ter tell
um bofe at once, you'd run ter de house an'
tell yo' granny dat ol' man Remus had
done gone an* got rid er his sev'm senses,
an' wuz tryin' fer ter gi' you a good strong
dose er Chinee; an' when you done dat, Miss
Sally sho' would preach my funer'l march. I
wa'n't born'd yistiddy, an' I take notice dat
yo' daddy ain't got de double-bairl gun, an'
dat Miss Sally don't have but one hoss fer
ter haul her ter church Sundays. Dat ar
no

Brother Fox's Family Trouble

double-buggy dat yo' daddy use ter drive
up dar in Atlanty would look mighty funny
ef it had mo' dan one hoss hitched ter it.
Lawsy, yes! Eve'ything is mo' lamer now
dan what it use ter be; an' I bet you right
now dat ef de trufe wuz know'd we er
stan'in' on our heads."

The little boy was obliged to laugh at this
whimsical explanation, and this gave Uncle
Remus as much pleasure as the stories gave
the child. "Ef you'll wet yo' thum', an'
turn back in yo' min' 'twon't be hard fer
you ter reckermember dat Brer Fox tol'
Brer Rabbit dat ef he kin git dem two fine,
fat pullets fum his ol' 'oman, he's mo' dan
welcome fer ter git um. But when Brer
Fox say dat, de pullets wuz hangin' up at
Brer Rabbit house; he done got um wid
dat piece er paper what he tuck an' show
ol' Miss Fox. Dat what make him laugh
so loud an' so long.

in

Uncle Remus Returns

"Well, suh, atter Brer Rabbit git done
laughin', he mosied off home whar his wife
and chillun live at, an' Brer Fox, he went
on to'rds his house whar his oY 'oman live
at. Ef he'd 'a' had his eyes shet, he'd 'a*
know'd when he got dar, kaze ol' Miss Fox
wuz stan'in' in de do' waitin' fer 'im. She
'gun ter jaw at 'im, long 'fo' he got in lis'-
nen' distance, an' you mought 'a' hear her
a mile er mo'. When he got whar he know'd
what she wuz sayin', he ain't say nothin';
he des amble 'long twel he come ter de do'.
By dat time ol' Miss Fox wuz so mad dat
she can't say nothin' an' do jestice ter her-
se'f, so she des stan' dar an' make motions
wid de broom what she had in her han'.

"Brer Fox, he wipe de persweat off'n his
face an' eyes, an' say, 'It seem like ter me
dat I hear you talkin' ter some un des now;
what wuz you sayin', sugar-honey?' Soon
ez she kin ketch her breff, she 'low, Til
112

Brother Fox's Family Trouble

sugar you! I'll honey you! What make
you fetch vittles home ef you gwine ter sen'
it off ag'in? What you wanter put yo'se'f
ter de trouble er totin' it ter dis house,
when you know you gwineter gi' it 'way des
ez soon ez you turn yo' back on de place?
An' what business you got sen'in' ol' Miss
Rabbit de two fine, fat pullets what you
brung home, which dey made me dribble
at de mouf de fust time I seed um? An' I
ain't mo' dan seed um 'fo' here come ol'
Brer Rabbit, a-bowin' an' a-scrapin', an'
a-simperin' an' a-sniggerin', an' he 'low dat
you done sont 'im fer de pullets. Ef it had
'a' des 'a' been his own 'lone sesso, he'd 'a'
never got dem pullets in de roun' worl' —
I 'd 'a' gouged out his goozle fust — but
here he come wid a letter what you writ,
dough you know'd good an' well dat when
it comes ter writin' I dunno B fum Bull's-
Foot.'

Uncle Remus Returns

"Brer Fox shuck his head; he say he
ain't never writ no letter, kaze he dunner
how, an' it seem mighty funny ter him dat
his sugar-honey an' dumplin'-pie don't
know dat much. OF Miss Fox, she 'low,
she did, dat dumplin'-pie ain't chicken-pie,
an' den she rail at Brer Fox. 'How come
you givin' pullets ter ol' Brer Rabbit an'
his fambly, when yo' own chillun, 'twix' yo'
laziness an' de hard times, is gwine roun'
here so ga'nt dat dey can't make a shadder
in de moonshine ? You know mighty well —
none better — dat we ain't never is neigh-
bor'd wid dat kinder trash, an' I dunner
what done come over you dat you er takin'
vittles out'n yo' own chillun's mouf an'
feedin' dat Rabbit brood.'

"Brer Fox vow an' declar' he ain't done

no sech uv a thing, an' his ol' 'oman vow an'

declar' dat he is, an' she shake de broom so

close und' his nose dat de hatter sneeze.

114

Brother Fox's Family Trouble

Den he 'low, 'Does you mean fer ter stan'
dar, flat-footed, an' right 'fo' my face an'
eyes, an' whar yo' own chillun kin hear you,
an' tell me dat you tuck an' gi' Brer Rabbit
dem ar fine, fat pullets what I brung home ?
Does you mean fer ter tell me dat?' She
say, ' Ef I done it, I done it kaze you writ
me a 'pistle an' tell me fer ter do it.' Brer
Fox 'low, 'Is you got de imperdence ter tell
me dat des kaze Brer Rabbit han' you a
piece er paper, wid sump'n n'er marked on
it, you ain't got nothin' better ter do dan
ter up an' gi' 'im de fine, fat pullets what
I brung fer ter make some chicken-pie?'

" Dis make ol' Miss Fox so mad dat she
can't see straight, an' when she git so she
kin talk plain, she vow she gwine ter hurt
Brer Rabbit ef it tuck a lifetime fer ter do
it. An' dar wuz Brer Fox des ez mad, ef
not madder. Dey bofe sot down an' grit der
tushes, an' mumble an' growl like dey talk-
US

Uncle Remus Returns

in' ter deyse'f. Brer Rabbit wa'n't so
mighty fur off, an' he laugh an' laugh twel
he can't laugh no mo'.

"But whiles he laughin', he laugh too
loud, an' Brer Fox hear him. He say ter
!iis ol5 'oman, 'I'm gwine ter git some rab
bit meat fer ter make up fer de chickens
what you done give 'way. You be sweepin*
here in front er de do', an' I '11 slip roun' de
back way, an' come up on him when he
ain't thinkin' 'bout it; an' whiles you sweep-
in' make out you talkin' ter me like I 'm in
de house.' So said, so done. Miss Fox she
sweep an' sweep, an' whiles she sweepin*
she make out she talkin' ter Brer Fox whiles
he in de house. She say, 'You better come
on out'n dar an' go on 'bout yo' business
ef you got any. Here I 'm constant a-gwine,
fum mornin' twel night, an' dar you is a-
loungin' roun', waitin' fer Brer Rabbit fer
ter play tricks on you. You better come
116

Brother Fox's Family Trouble

on out'n dar an go fin' sump'n n'er ter eat
fer yo' fambly.'

"Dat's de way she talk, whiles she wuz
pertendin' ter sweep, an' des 'bout dat
time, up come ol' Brer Rabbit wid a mighty
perlite bow. He tuck off his hat, he did,
'Good evenin' dis evenin', Miss Fox. I
hope I see you well, ma'am.' Miss Fox 'low
dat she ain't ez peart ez she look ter be, an*
mo' dan dat, her ol' man layin' in de house
right now wid a mighty bad case er de in-
fluendways. Brer Rabbit say he mighty
sorry, but it's what we all got ter look out
fer, kaze 'zease an' trouble, an' one thing
an' an'er, is all de time makin' de roun's er
de places whar folks live at. Den ol' Brer
Rabbit kinder hoi' his head on one side an'
sorter smile; he up an' ax, he did, 'Miss
Fox, how you like dat cut er caliker what
King Lion sont you fer ter make a frock
out'n? Reason I ax, I'm a-gwine ter see

117

Uncle Remus Returns

'im dis evenin', an' I 'most know dat he'll
ax me ef you like de pattern/

"Miss Fox lean her broom ag'in de
house, an' put her ban's on her hips, an'
make Brer Rabbit say over what he done
toF 'er. 'Well, well, well!' sez ol' Miss Fox,
se'she; 'de King sont me a caliker frock, an'
I ain't never lay eyes on it ! Ef dat don't
beat my time!' Brer Rabbit, he put his
han' over his mouf an' cough sorter sof;
he 'low, he did, 'You'll hatter skuzen me,
ma'am,' sezee. 'I'm afear'd I done gone an'
said sump'n dat I oughtn'ter say. When I
knows what I'm a-doin', I never likes fer
ter come 'twix' man an' wife, ef I kin he'p
myse'f — no, ma'am, not me! Yit Brer Fox
is right dar in de house an' you kin ax 'im,
ef you don't b'lieve me.'

" Fer one long minnit, Miss Fox wuz so
mad dat she hatter wait twel she cotch her
breff' fo' she kin say a word. Lots er wim-

118

Brother Fox's Family Trouble

men would 'a' stood up dar an' squealed,
but Miss Fox, she helt her breff. Quick
ez she kin, she holler out, 'No, he ain't in
de house; he's out yan' tryin' fer ter slip
up on you 'bout dem pullets.' ' I 'm glad
you got dat idee,' sez Brer Rabbit, sezee,
6 kaze it 's liable fer ter keep down trouble.
Ef you wuz a man, Miss Fox,' sezee, 'you
mought git de idee dat he seed me comin'
an' wuz hidin' out kaze he fear'd I 'd ax you
'bout dat frock what de King sont you. It
sho' wuz a mighty purty piece er caliker,
an' ef I 'd 'a' know'd den what I know now,
I 'd 'a' got it fum Brer Fox an' gi' it ter my
ol' 'oman — I sho' would!'

" Wid dat, Brer Rabbit make his bow an'
light out fum dar; an' he wa'n't none too
soon, nudder, kaze he ain't mo' dan got in
de bushes whar he kin hide hisse'f, 'fo' here
come ol' Brer Fox. He look all roun', but
he ain't see nobody but his ol' 'oman, kaze
119

Uncle Remus Returns

Brer Rabbit done gone along. Brer Fox
say, sezee, 'Whar is de triflin' scoundul? I
seed 'im stan'in' right here — whar is he?
Whar he gone? ' Ol' Miss Fox, she up wid
de broom an' hit him a biff side de head dat
come mighty nigh knockin' 'im inter one
er de j'inin' counties. 'Dat's whar he is/
se' she, an' she fetch her ol' man a whack
'cross de backbone, dat soun' like ol' Miss
Jenkins a-beatin' dat ol' rag kyarpit by hit-
tin' it ag'in de fence.

"Ol' Brer Fox tuck a notion dat he been
struck by lightnin'; he fell down an' roll
over, an' by de time dat ol' Miss Fox had
mighty nigh wo' de broom out, he fin' out
what 'uz happenin'. He holla out, 'Why,
laws-a-massey, honey ! What de matter wid
you? What you biffin' me fer? I ain't Brer
Rabbit! Ow! Please, honey, don't bang
me so hard; I ain't gwine do it no mo'/
Ol' Miss Fox says, se' she, 'Ah-yi! you owns
120

Brother Fox's Family Trouble

up, does you ? You ain't gwine do it no mo',
ain't you ? Now, whar my fine caliker frock
what de King sont me?' An' all de time
she wuz talkin' she wuz wipin' 'im up wid
de broom. Mon, de way she beat dat cree-
tur wuz a start-natchul scandal.

"Well, when Brer Fox got out'n reach,
an' she'd kinder cooled down, she up an'
tol' 'im bout de caliker frock what King
Lion had sont 'er, an' she ax 'im what de
name er goodness is he done wid it, an' ef
he ain't brung it home onbeknownst ter
her, who in de dashes an' de dickunses is
he gi' it to ? He vow he ain't seed no caliker
frock, an' she 'low dat he done say, whiles
she wuz a-biffin' 'im, dat he ain't gwine do
it no mo'. Brer Fox say he ain't know what
she wuz beatin' 'im fer, an' he was mos'
bleeze ter promise not ter do it no mo', kaze
she wuz hurtin' 'im so bad.

"Dey put der heads tergedder, dey did,

121

Uncle Remus Returns

an' collogue an' confab 'bout how dey
gwineter git even wid Brer Rabbit, kaze de
King ain't sont no fine caliker frock, an'
needer is dey got der two fat pullets. Dar
dey wuz, no frock, no pullets, an' Brer Rab
bit still cuttin' up his capers an' playin'
his pranks on eve'ything an' eve'ybody.
Dey say dey wuz gwine ter ketch 'im ef it
kilt eve'y cow in de island, wid a couple er
steers thow'd in fer good medjur. Dey
wuz gwine ter hide close ter de places whar
he hatter pass by; dey wuz gwineter do dis
an' dey wuz gwineter do dat, but what-
somever dey done, dey wuz gwineter ketch
up wid Brer Rabbit.

"Now, den, it takes two ter make a bar
gain, an' one mo' fer ter see dat it's done all
right. Brer Rabbit, he know mighty well —
none better — all de gwines-on in dat part
er de country, an' he make his 'rangerments
'cordin'. He been use ter keepin' his eye-

122

Brother Fox's Family Trouble

ball skunt when all 'uz peace, but when dey
wuz any trouble ahead, he wuz so nervious
dat he'd kick out wid his behime foot ef a
weed tickled 'im. When it come down ter
plain nerviousness, he can't be beat.

"Brer Fox can't make a move but what
Brer Rabbit would know 'bout it; he know'd
when he went out an' when he went in, an'
he keep sech a close watch on um dat 'twuz
e'en about all he kin do fer ter keep Brer
Fox fum ketchin' 'im. Atter so long a timer
Brer Rabbit got tired er leadin' dis kinder
life. He could 'a' put up wid it maybe a
fortnight, but when it run over dat, he go,
plum' tired, Brer Rabbit did. Yit it look
like dat luck wuz constant a-runnin' his
way, kaze he ain't been dodgin' roun' in de
bushes, tryin' fer ter keep out'n Brer Fox's
way — he ain't been doin' dis mo' dan a
week, when dere come word fum ol' King
Lion fer go an' see 'im. It seem like de place
123

Uncle Remus Returns

whar he stuck de brier in his han' wuz
kyo'd up too quick, an' had done turn inter
a bile — a great big un — an' it got so dat
de King had ter walk de flo' all night des
like yo' pappy use ter do when he had de
toofache.

"Well, Brer Rabbit ain't no sooner git de
word dan he run right straight ter de place
whar dey done der kingin' at, an' 'taint
take 'im long, needer, kaze I let you know,
honey, when Brer Rabbit take a notion fer
ter go anywhar right quick, he des picks up
de miles wid his feet an' draps um off ag'in,
des like a dog sheds fleas. He got dar, he
did, an' when he see how bad de bile wuz,
he kinder shuck his head an' rub his nose
des like de sho' 'nough doctors does. He
ax um whyn't dey tell 'im 'bout dis when de
bile 'gun ter show, an' dey say dey been
huntin' fer 'im high an' low, an' dey can't
fin' 'im nowhar an' nohow.
124

r

Brother Fox's Family Trouble

"Brer Rabbit put on his specks an' 'low,
Tut, tut, tut! Ef dis ain't too bad! I'm
fear' dey ain't but one kyo fer a place like
dis. I hate might'ly ter be de 'casion er any
trouble, but it look like I'm des a-bleeze
ter.' King Lion kinder flinch an' frown
when he hear dis, but Brer Rabbit say dat
de trouble ain't for him, but fer one er his
ol'-time 'quaintance. 'Ef you wa'n't de
King,' he say ter de Lion, 'I'd des let you
go on an' suffer, but bein' what you is, I 'm
bleeze ter pull ol' frien'ship up by de roots.
Ef you wanter git well, you'll des hatter
wrop yo' han' up in a fox-hide. Not only
dat, but de hide mus' be so fresh dat it's
warm.'

"Den Brer Rabbit make out he 'bout ter
cry. He 'low, 'I can't b'ar ter tell my oP
frien' good-by, kaze we done had many a
night tergedder, up an' down an' roun' de
worl'. De sooner you gits Brer Fox here de
125

Uncle Remus Returns

better — but I '11 hatter ax you fer ter le'
me out de back way, an' I '11 go off some'ers
in de woods an' wonder at de flight er time
an' de changes dat de years is brung.' Den
he bow ter King Lion; he say, 'De nex' time
I see you yo' han' will be well, but whar will
Brer Fox be?' De King he say, 'Why, I'll
sen' you de kyarcass,' but Brer Rabbit say,
'No, please don't, kaze I could n't b'ar ter
look at it. Des sen' it ter Miss Fox; it
mought be some sort er comfort ter dat po'

creetur.' '

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BIRD
" IN THE WORLD

UNCLE REMUS and the little boy
were returning from a long and
leisurely walk in the woods. They
had had a pretty good time, all things con
sidered, and the old man was in high good
humor. The little boy had an idea that the
walk had been undertaken solely for his
pleasure, and Uncle Remus allowed him
to think so; but the truth was that it had a
purpose behind it. The old negro wanted
to locate some wild hogs that had long been
devastating the growing stuff on the plan
tation. The wild hogs gave him no trouble
until they began to destroy stuff that he
himself had planted — watermelons and
sugar-cane — and he argued from this that
they were growing bolder, and that they
127

Uncle Remus Returns

would have to be captured. So, on this
particular day, he had set out to find where
they had their headquarters, and he was
successful.

The next thing would be to take the dogs
and capture them one by one, taking care
not to disturb the hogs that came up to be
fed every evening, when the hog-feeder be
gan to call. The two companions — the old
man and the little lad — had started out
immediately after dinner, and dusk was
falling when they returned. But neither one
was weary; they had gone leisurely along,
stopping occasionally to talk about the in
teresting things they saw, and resuming
their walk whenever Uncle Remus thought
the child had rested long enough.

The squirrels ran noisily over the leaves

that winter had flung on the ground, and

went home by jumping from tree to tree;

birds that the city-raised child had never

128

The Most Beautiful Bird

seen before, flitted in the bushes, or went
hopping, or running on the ground. The
little boy was interested in all of them, but
the joree seemed especially to attract his
attention, and he was for stopping when
ever he heard a scratching in the dead
leaves and trash. The joree is a very lonely
bird, and you would judge that it was mor
tally afraid of man; but it is not so shy as
its habits would lead you to believe. It is
not for flying away every time it hears a
noise, but will continue scratching for its
food in the fence corners and under the
bushes, until the observer ventures too
close, and then, with a cheery little trill, it
will fly away.

In its coat of black and brown and white,
it is a very pretty bird. Its markings are
peculiar, but nature has laid them on so
that they harmonize effectively with its sur
roundings in wood and swamp. The en-
129

Uncle Remus Returns

thusiasm of the little boy was such that
Uncle Remus felt obliged to clip its wings.
This he endeavored to do, not by arguing or
disputing, but in a way quite characteristic.

The little boy had said over and over
again that the joree, with its comical hop,
back and forth, as it stirred up the leaves
and trash, and its peculiar coloring, was the
funniest as well as the most beautiful bird
he had ever seen.

"Dat bein' de case," remarked Uncle
Remus with a judicial air, "you ain't never
is see de Baltimer bird."

"Oh, yes!" said the child; "don't you
know you showed me the hanging nest, and
told me it was the Baltimore bird? Grand
mother says it is the oriole."

"She do, do she? Well, ef she sesso, I

speck it's so, but you ain't gwine ketch me

twis'in' my tongue 'roun' fer ter talk dat

kinder outlandish talk — not me! An' I

130

The Most Beautiful Bird

knows dis, dat ef anybody don't wanter call
dat bird de Baltimer bird, dey don't hatter.
I been callin' it dat a mighty long time, ef
you take one year wid an'er, an' ef it's
y'ever fotch de bird any bad luck, I ain't
never y'ear tell un it. I ain't gwine ter
'spute wid you, honey, 'bout de joree; in
his place an' whar he b'longs at, dey ain't
no better ner no purtier bird; but when it
comes ter sayin' dat he's de purtiest er all
de birds, why, dat's de way de lawyers
talk when dey er jowerin' in de court-house.
When it comes ter de purtiest bird er all de
birds, she's done gone away too long ago
ter talk about, an' nobody can't fin' her.
She wa'n't de purtiest bird des kaze some
un sesso; not her — no, suh ! She wuz purty
kaze all de yuther birds sesso. Dey done
'cide it — dey done 'gree ter it — an' you
can't rub it out. Dey ain't wanter sesso,
but dey bleeze ter do it; dey wa'n't no

Uncle Remus Returns

gittin' 'roim' it. One bird ain't like de
idee er sayin' dat any udder bird is purtier
dan what she is, but dey bleeze ter do it,
atter dey seen what dey seed.

"I ain't never is seed dis purty bird
myse'f," the old man went on, "an' de nex'
man you ax will tell you de same; but I
done hear tell un 'im — ef he wuz a him.
Time an' time ag'in I hear folks tell de tale
— some one way an' some an'er, but it all
come ter de same thing in de een' — dar
wuz de tale."

"But what about the bird?" the little
boy asked.

"Shucks, honey! ain't I des a-tellin' yo'
dat 'twa'n't des a plain bird; you kin say
dat 'bout all un um but dis un, which she
wuz de purtiest bird on de face er de yeth.
I 'm kinder rattled 'bout de entitlements er
dis yer bird, kaze it seem like dat dem what
fust 'gun ter tell de tale kinder got de name

132

The Most Beautiful Bird

mixed up wid der own foolishness. Some
call 'im de Coogly Bird, some call 'im de
Cow-Cow Bird, an' some call 'im de Coo-
Coo Bird — some say 'twuz a lady bird, an'
den ag'in some say 'twuz a gemman bird.
By good rights, she oughter been a lady
bird, fum de fuss she kicked up, an' I boun'
she wuz. It's des like I tell you 'bout de
name, yit, call 'er what you please an' when
you please, she ain't gwineter come fer yo'
callin'. She'd 'a' come long ago ef callin'
would 'a' fotch 'er, kaze, fum dat time ter
dis, some er de yuther birds been hollin' an*
callin' 'er. Dey been callin' 'er sence de
day dat all de birds had der semblement
des like white folks, an' niggers, too, fer dat
matter, when dey wanter up an' out a man
what ain't been doin' nothin' in de roun*
worl' but gittin' pay fer settin' 'roun' doin'
nothin'."
"Don't you mean a convention, Uncle

133

Uncle Remus Returns

Remus?" inquired the lad. "Papa's gone
to Atlanta to attend a convention."

"Dat 'zackly what I mean, honey, 'cep-
pin' dat yo' daddy oughter be right here
now wid his ma. But dat's needer here ner
dar, ez de man sez 'bout de flea what he
ain't cotch. 'Way back yander, when de
clouds wuz thicker dan what dey is now, an'
when de sun ain't had ter go to bed at night
ter keep fum bein' tired de nex' day, de time
come when de creeturs, fur an' feather,
ain't had much ter do, mo' speshually de
birds. Dey flew'd 'roun', dey did, an' fed
tergedder widout fightin', an' made der
houses in de trees an' on de groun', an' dey
wuz all des ez sociable ez you please. But
atter while dey ain't had much ter do, an*
when dat time come dey got ter wranglin*
an' 'sputin', des like folks does now. One
'ud sail up an' say 'Howdy?' an' de yuth-
er'd 'fuse ter 'spon', an' dar dey had it.

134

The Most Beautiful Bird

While de gemman birds wuz gwine on dis
away, de lady birds wuz des ez busy. Dey
'sputed 'bout der feathers an' 'bout der
looks twel it seem like dey wuz gwine ter
be sho' 'nough war, kaze de most un um had
bills an' claws.

"Atter while, dey fin' dat dis kinder
doin's ain't gwine ter pay, an' so dey bowed
ter one an'er, mighty perlite, an' make out
dey gwine on 'bout der business. Well,
dey played like dey wuz mighty busy, but
dey soon git tired er dis, an' dey say ter dey-
se'f dat dey'd die dead ef dey did n't run
'roun' an' have a chat wid de neighbors; an'
here dey went, axin' de news, an' tellin'
dat what ain't news. One say she hear dat
Miss Red Bird up an' 'low dat she de purti-
est er all de birds, an' dar dey had it, squall-
in', chatterin', an' squealin'. De word went
'roun' an' when it come back ter whar it
started, it ain't look like itse'f. Twuz Miss

135

Uncle Remus Returns

Blue Bird, 'twuz Miss Jay Bird, 'twuz Miss
Dat an' Miss T'other. It seem like dat
eve'y one un um think dat she de purtiest.
"Well, suh, de 'spute got so hot dat dey
had ter be sump'n done — dey wa'n't no
two ways 'bout dat. Miss Wren an' Miss
Blue Bird an' Miss Robin put der heads
tergedder, an' ax how dey gwineter stop de
'spute. Na'er one un um 'pended on der
good looks, but der havishness wuz er de
best, an' dey wanted ter stop de jowerin'.
Dey study an' dey study, dey talk an' dey
talk, but dey ain't hit on nothin'. Little
Miss Wren wuz de spryest, an' she had a
slice er temper wid salt an' pepper on it.
Dey talked so fast an' dey talked so long dat
she wuz skeer'd she might git sorter sassy,
an' she up'n say, 'Ladies, le' me make a
move an' motion. Le's p'oc'astinate dis
session uv our confab, kaze some un us
mought say sump'n dat de yuthers won't

136

The Most Beautiful Bird

like. De sun gittin' mighty low anyhow;
le's put off our colloguin' twel termorrer.
We '11 go home an' ax our ol' men what dey
think, an' dey '11 tell us what dey kin — - you
know how men folks does: dey knows eve'y-
thing 'ceppin' dat dey does know, an* dat
dey done fergot. Dey '11 tell us, an' when
we go ter bed we kin dream on it/

"Miss Blue Bird an' Miss Robin 'low dat
dis de smartest thing dey y'ever is hear, an*
dey 'gree ter what little Miss Wren say.
Dey put on der things an' marched off home
fer ter feed de chillun an' put um ter bed.
Bright an' y'early de nex' mornin' dey
met at de same place, an', atter dey got over
der gigglin' an' der howdy-doin', dey start
up de confab whar dey lef off. Miss Robin
say she can't think uv a blessed thing. She
say dat when she ax'd her ol' man 'bout it,
he up an' 'low'd dat she better jine 'im in
huntin' bugs fer de chillun fer ter play wid,
137

Uncle Remus Returns

stidder gaddin' fum post ter pillar. An' de
yuthers raise der wings, an' say, 'Well,
well!' an' 'Who'd 'a' thunk it?'

"Miss Blue Bird 'low dat when she ax
her ol' man 'bout it, he say she better
stay at home stidder gwine 'roun' spread-
in' scandaliousness thoo de neighborhood.
Miss Wren kinder hunged her head like she
'shame fer ter tell 'bout her speunce. She
say dat her ol' man wuz monstus sassy
twel she tol' 'im dat ef he wanter change
his boardin'-house he wuz mo' dan welcome.
Wid dat, he whirled an' ax her why in de
name er goodness don't she 'swade um fer
ter have a big 'sembly er all de lady birds at
some place er 'nother whar dey'll have
plenty er room, whar dey kin all march
'roun' an' let somebody pick out de pur-
tiest in de whole crowd, an' den when dat's
done all de balance un um must be put
under de needcessity er 'greein' ter what de

138

" EF HE SAY DE BUZZARD IS DE PURTIEST, DAT 's DE WAY IT

GOT TER BE

The Most Beautiful Bird

picker picks. Ef he say de owl is de pur-
tiest, den all de yuther birds got ter sesso
too; ef he say de buzzard is de purtiest,
dat's de way it got ter be.

"'La, me!' sez Miss Robin, "did you
y'ever hear de beat?' Miss Blue Bird 'low,
'Now, ain't dat des like a man!' You may
not b'lieve it, but de three tuck up wid de
idee, an' when dey talked it over wid de bal
ance er de lady birds, all un um say it's des
fine, an' dey tuck up wid it quicker dan a
cat kin smell a mackerel layin' on de shelf.
De funny thing 'bout de whole business
wuz dat dey had ter have two 'semble-

ments."

"That certainly was funny," said the
little boy, so seriously that Uncle Remus
closed his eyes and sighed. He never could
reconcile himself to the fact that a little
child could be almost as old-fashioned as a
grown person.

139

Uncle Remus Returns

"Yasser!" the old man continued, "dey
had two 'semblements. De 'greement wuz
dat all de lady birds, er all kin's an' color,
wuz ter be dar, an' all wuz ter march by de
place whar de one dey had chosen fer ter
pick out de purtiest wuz ter be settin' at.
De one dey choosened wuz ol' Brer Rabbit,
so dat de sayin' mought come true —

1 When you choosen a creetur,
Des shun de bird-eater/

In dem days, de doctor done tol' Brer Rab
bit dat de best eatin' fer him wuz honey-
an'-clover an* sweet barley, an* he wuz
stickin' to dat kinder doin's. When de
time come fer de fust 'semblement, Brer
Rabbit wuz right on de spot, wid a fresh
plug er terbacker, an' a pocketful er honey
bee clover. De birds all come, des like dey
say dey would, an' when some un motioned
ter Brer Rabbit fer ter say de word, dey
'gun ter march 'roun' an' 'roun', one by
140

The Most Beautiful Bird

one, an' two by two. Dey ain't been march-
in' long 'fo' Brer Rabbit shuck his head an'
sot down ag'in.

" 'La, Brer Rabbit!' dey say, 'what de
matter? We er all here; whyn't you pick
out de purtiest? We ain't gwine ter peck
yo' eyes out.' 'I dunno so well 'bout dat,'
sez ol' Brer Rabbit, sezee. 'You say you er
all here, but ef I got my two eyes you ain't
all here. No, ladies! You'll hatter skusen
me!' an', wid dat, he riz up, he did, an'
make sech a nice bow dat ol' Miss Swamp
Owl's mouf 'gun ter water. Dey say,
' Lawsy mussy ! Who 's missin' ? '

"Brer Rabbit he 'low, 'Whar Miss Coo-
Coo Bird? I put on my specks, but I can't
see 'er. Is she 'roun' here any whar's?'
Dey looked all 'roun', in de corners, an'
under de bushes whar anybody mought
hide, but dey ain't fin' de Coo-Coo Bird.
An' a mighty good reason, kaze she wa'n't
141

Uncle Remus Returns

dar, le' um hunt whar dey would an5 s'arch
whar dey might. Den Brer Rabbit up an'
'low, 'Ladies, all, we bleeze ter p'oc'asti-
nate dish yer 'semblement, an' put it off twel
you kin sen' word ter de Coo-Coo Bird, kaze
you can't do nothin' 'tall widout 'er. She
got ter be in, er she won't bide by de choose-
ment. You des bleeze ter git her in ef you
gwine ter stop de 'sputin'. Dey ain't no two
ways 'bout dat/

"Den dey all 'gun ter look at one an'er,
an' giggle, an' make a great 'miration 'bout
how sharp Brer Rabbit wuz. Some say dat
dey don't think dat de Coo-Coo Bird is
wuff foolin' wid, kaze she ain't no great
shakes, nohow, but dey bleeze ter have her
in de crowd when de 'semblement 'sembles,
kaze dey ain't no yuther way fer ter stop de
jowerin'. All de birds wuz bleeze ter be
dar.

"Well, time went on just like it do now;

142

The Most Beautiful Bird

ef dey wuz any diffunce, meal-time came
a right smart sooner den dan it do now.
Endurin' de time 'twix' de' semblement what
hatter be called off, an* de nex' un dat wuz
ter come, de lady birds had a scrumptious
time. Dey went callin* on der neighbors,
an' dem dat dey ain't fin' at home dey'd
hunt up. Dey wuz mo' backbitin' dan you
could shake a stick at, an' de chatter went
on so long an' so loud, dat you could n't
hear yo' own y'ears. Miss Peafowl called
on Brer Rabbit, an' axed how she wuz
gwine ter come out in de parade, an' Brer
Rabbit say dat she'd have a mighty good
chance ef 'twan't fer her footses an' her
scaly legs. He 'low dat ef she come dar wid
dem, she won't have no show a tall, an' dar
dey had it, up an' down. An' 'twuz de same
way wid all un um; dey tried fer ter make
oF Brer Rabbit, which he wuz gwine fer ter
be de judge, look at um thoo dey own eyes.

Uncle Remus Returns

"While all dis wuz goin' on, dey wuz
huntin' up de Coo-Coo Bird, an' atter so
long a time dey foun' her right whar dey
moughter foun' her at fust, stayin' at home
an' lookin' atter de house-keepin'. But
'twuz a mighty quare thing 'bout de Coo-
Coo Bird: she ain't got a rag er cloze ter 'er
back. Whar de feathers oughter been dey
wa'n't nothin' but a little bit er downy fuzz.
When dey fin' 'er, dey say, 'Whyn't you
come ter de 'semblement, whar dey gwineter
choosen de purtiest er all de bird tribe?'
She 'low, 'La, I got sump'n else ter do sides
tryin' ter fin' out who de purtiest; an', mo'
dan dat, how I gwineter come when I ain't
got no cloze ter w'ar? No, ma'am! You'll
hatter skusen me ! Go on an' parade on yo'
Bullyfard, an' I '11 parade at home.'

"Dey try ter tell 'er dat dey bleeze ter
have her dar, so dey '11 all be sachified, but
she shuck her head, and went on cleanin'
144.

The Most Beautiful Bird

her house. Dey 'swaded, an' dey 'swaded,
an' bimeby she say dat ef dey '11 loan her
some cloze among urn, she '11 go ; ef dey don't,
well an' good — she won't budge a step.
An' so dar 'twuz. Well, all de yuther birds
kinder collogued tergedder, an' dey say dey
better loan her some cloze. Dey went 'roun'
an' got a feather fum eve'y bird, an' fum
some un um two. Ol' Miss Ost'ich know'd
she ain't stan' no chance in de parade wid
her bony neck an' long legs, an' she sont de
Coo-Coo Bird a bunch er de purtiest feath
ers you ever is lay eyes on.

"When de time come fer de 'semblement,
Miss Coo-Coo wuz dar, an' dressed up fit
ter kill; an' when dey all 'gun ter march, she
wuz at de head er de crowd, an' stepped
along ez gaily ez you please. Well, dey
wan't no two ways 'bout it, Miss Coo-Coo
wuz way yander de purtiest er de whole
gang. De way she look, de way she walk,

I4S

Uncle Remus Returns

de way she hoi' 'erse'f , de way she bow an*
s'lute urn all — eve'ything put 'er in de front
place. Brer Rabbit stood up, he did, an'
wave his han', an' dey all stop still. Den
he say dat dey ain't no doubt an' no s'pi-
cions but what Miss Coo-Coo Bird wuz de
purtiest er all de birds, an' dey all 'gree wid
'im. Den dey wuz ter have a dance, but
To' de music struck up, Miss Coo-Coo say
dey must please excusin' her, an' wid dat,
she slip inter de bushes an' wuz gone —
done gone ! Gone fer good, an' dey ain't no
body seed her fum dat day ter dis, less'n
maybe ol' Brer Rabbit, an' he ain't tellin'
nobody 'bout it.

"De yuther birds hunt fer 'er, but dey
can't fin' 'er, an' deyer huntin' plum twel
yit, huntin' eve'ywhar, an' a-callin' ez dey
hunt. Dey do say dat when de big owl
hollas, he ain't axin' 'Who cooks fer you-
all?' He's sayin', ' Coo-Coo, Coo-Coo!
146

The Most Beautiful Bird

whar you at?' an' de turtle-dove hollars,
'Coo-Coo, Coo-Coo, Coo-Coo, Coo-Coo!
Coo-Coo-oo!' an' e'en down ter de rooster
callin' out 'fo' day, an' all thoo de night,
'Please fetch my feather back!' An' so dar
you is! Coo-Coo Bird done flew'd away, an'
all de yuther birds huntin' fer 'er. An'
dey tells me," remarked Uncle Remus, after
a pause, "dat when folks think de birds is
pickin' deyse'f an' straightenin' out der
feathers, dey ain't doin' nothin' in de roun'
worl' but seein' ef de one what dey loaned
de Coo-Coo Bird is done growed back."

The little boy made no comment, but
seemed to be waiting for the story to end.
The old negro threw his head back, and in a
sing-song tone made this announcement: —

" Jig-a-ma-rig, an' a jig-a-ma-ree!
Dat's all de tale dat 'uz tol' ter me!"

UNCLE REMUS FALLS A VICTIM
TO THE MUMPS

DURING the recent bad spell of
weather Uncle Remus has been
missing, but everybody about the
" Constitution " office had concluded that
his absence was due to a frequently ex
pressed intention to take better care of him
self hereafter. Yesterday, however, the
well-known thump of his walking-cane was
heard upon the stair, and the young men
in the editorial room hastily adopted a
plan suggested by the agricultural editor
to pretend that they had entirely forgotten
the old man.

When he opened the door, therefore,
everybody was busily engaged in reading
or writing. The office boy, however, who
148

Uncle Remus has the Mumps

seems to be oblivious to all schemes of
amusement save those which culminate in
a pass to a minstrel entertainment, frus
trated the plan by exclaiming as the colored
sage entered: —

"Goodness! look at Uncle Remus!"
The old man's head was enveloped in
several folds of red flannel, a huge woolen
comforter was wrapped around his neck,
and the expansive collar of his overcoat
was turned up and closely buttoned. His
appearance was a sufficient excuse for the
exclamation of the boy.

As a usual thing, when Uncle Remus
comes in there is an air of conciliation
about him quite impossible to define, but
yesterday he appeared to be indignant as
well as disgusted. The young men attacked
him with a running fire of raillery, but he
scorned to make reply. Finally, the agri
cultural editor, who had been composing
149

Uncle Remus Returns

a paragraph about flowers, turned around
and remarked: —

"Well, here you are! What have you
been up to now?"

"Hush!" exclaimed another of the young
men in a loud whisper. "Don't trouble
him; wait until he gets sober!"

"Sho'ly hit ain't come down ter dat
pass," said Uncle Remus, moving his feet
uneasily, "dat a cripple nigger like me
can't creep up yer an' squot down 'fo' de
fier ter git de fros' off'n his han's 'less he
up'n make a speech."

"Oh, you be fiddled!" flung out the agri
cultural editor somewhat testily; "can't
anybody inquire about your health?"

"Wuz you axin' 'bout my healt' boss?"
replied Uncle Remus, relaxing a little;
"kaze ef you wuz den I ain't got none. You
all young mens des better dip de een' er yo*
finger in de pas'e-pot, an' go on wid yo'
150

Uncle Remus has the Mumps

eddity wuks, tellin' folks de news. You
ain't got no time fer ter be foolin' 'longer no
ole nigger like me."

Uncle Remus had no idea that he was
hurling a gall-tipped javelin into the edi
torial camp, but the evident discomfiture
of the young men caused him to thaw out a
little, and he even went so far as to give
vent to a half-smothered chuckle.

"What has been the matter with you?"
the agricultural editor asked.

" I 'm gwine tell you de nakid troof, boss,"
said the old man, with a sigh that ended in
a deep groan. "I bin sick — I bin mighty
sick. I disremember de time when I bin
enny mo' sicker dan what I bin endurin' er
dis pas' mont'. Hit done got so now,"
Uncle Remus went on, "dat no epidemy
don't strike de town dat it don't light
right spang bang onter me an' tromple me
down. Year er two gone by hit wuz de

Uncle Remus Returns

measles, an' now, bless gracious! hit's de
mumps."

This announcement was the signal for a
chorus of derisive laughter from the young
men, but Uncle Remus, having become
good-humored, was undisturbed. He rubbed
his hands together and gazed into the grate
with a quizzical expression that seemed
to linger somewhere very near the edge of
melancholy.

"Hit's des like I tell you," he continued
after awhile. "Little while ago de measles,
an' now de mumps. Nex' time you year fum
me I '11 be breakin' out wid de rash, an' den
atter dat I '11 hatter git in winter-quarters
an' cut some new toofies. When er nigger
what done stan' flat-footed an' seed nigh
onter eighty year go by git strucken wid de
mumps, den hit done got time fer ter lay in
doctor truck by de kyar-load. Ain't you
never bin cotch up wid, wid de mumps, boss ? "

152

Uncle Remus has the Mumps

"Not that I know of," responded the
agricultural editor in a matter-of-fact way.
"How do they break out?"

"Well, den, ef you ain't never had um,
boss, you don't wanter be breshin' up 'gin
me, kaze deze yere kin' what strucken me,
deyer owdacious mumps — deyer scanner-
lous mumps. I year talk dat some folks
ain't have no mo' dan one mump, but deze
yere what I got, deyer twinses, an' dey cotch
holt er me like dey done bin practus on
some vuther nigger dat got mo' strenk dan
what I is. You sees me sittin' yer now, but
ef you'd er seed me las' Chuseday wuz er
week, you'd er hilt up yo' ban's an' ax ef
dat wuz de same Remus. Deyer sorter
swunk up an' swage down, now," contin
ued the old man, feeling his jaws suspi
ciously, "but dey tracks is dar yit."

"How did they come?"

"Hit 'uz des 'bout de time er dat fus'

IS3

Uncle Remus Returns

snow what we had, an' I wuz eatin' my
dinner what Miss Sally done put up whar
dem yuther niggers can't git it, when I year
'er holler fum de dinin'-room fer me ter
make has'e dar an' clean up de snow what
done pile up on de front steps. Dat make
me wuk my jaws mo* livelier, an' right den
an' dar sump'n look like it hurted me in de
naberhoods er de burr er de year, up dar
whar de jaw-bone hinge at, an' I say ter
myse'f, I boun' I done gone an' cotch up wid
de uraljy fum Marse John, which many 's de
time I year 'im marchin' up an' down de flo'
like he drillin' er whole comp'ny er mens.
Fus' my jaw hurted, an' den ag'in hit ain't.
An' atter I done lick up de vittles, I goes
an' I shovels off de snow, an' den I hustles
in ter de fier, an' whiles I wuz settin' dar
toas'n' my shins, I puts my han' dar be-
hime my year, an' she feel so tender, hit
make me flinch. Dis wuz de beginnin's.

154

Uncle Remus has the Mumps

"Nex'mawnin', when I goes ter git up,
look like dey's er crick in my neck, an' I
feel er my jaw, an', bless yo' soul! dey wuz
er lump growin' in dar, 'twix' de bone an'
de grizzle, mos' big ez er scaly-bark. Dat
sorter skeer me, kaze hit look like wunner
deze yer widenin' wens done gone ter house-
keepin' 'long wid me. But I ain't sayin'
nothin', an' de nex' mawnin' dey wuz er
n'er one sproutin' in de t'er jaw. Dish yer
sorter tuck de stiff 'nin' outen me, an' right
atter bre'k'us I goes an' I lays de case 'fo'
Miss Sally."

Here Uncle Remus paused, reflected a
moment, laughed loudly, and continued
in a tone of undisguised admiration: —

"Dat 'oman! ef she ain't de out-doinist
white 'oman'twix' dis an'deNunited State,
den I'm ain't name Remus. I went in dar
an' I tell Miss Sally 'bout dem wens, an' she
drap 'er sewin' an' rustle pas' me. An' den

Uncle Remus Returns

I year 'er in de pantry. Den she rustle
back an' shet de do' an' stan' up 'g'in' it.
An' den she tuck er knife an' gun ter peel er
great big yaller lemon. Dar I stan', an' dar
she stan'. She peel, an' I look at 'er — she
peel, an' I look at 'er. Atter she done peel
it, she tuck'n tu'n it 'roun' an' 'roun' an' look
at it. An' den what in de name er goodness
you speck dat white 'oman do? Des ez
sholy ez I 'm settin' yer, Miss Sally tuck'n
cut er great big slishe off'n dat lemon an'
put it in 'er mouf, an', boss, right dar's whar
I caved. De peelin' I could stan', but when
I see Miss Sally put dat slishe er lemon
in 'er mouf, an' when I year 'er chomp down
on it, hit look like ter me dat my jaw'd
drap off spite er all I could do. Miss Sally,
she ain't bat 'er eye, but I stood dar, I did,
an' slobbered at de mouf same ez wunner
dese mules what bin eatin' rack-weed. An'
den on top er dat when hit seem like she

Uncle Remus has the Mumps

done wid 'er prankin', out she go, she do,
an' yer she come wid wunner dese yer great
long cowcumber pickle, an* she chaw dat
up, an' den she wipe 'er han's on 'er ap'on,
an' she up'n say, sez she: —

"' Why, you ole Hayshun! You got de
mumps!' sez she; an' den she tell me dat
ef I don't git in my own house an' stay dar
she'll have me slapt in de callyboose, an'
den she shove 'er han's in 'er ap'on pocket,
an' I knows when she do dat she talkin' wid
de bark on.

"I raise Miss Sally fum er gal," con
cluded Uncle Remus, "but ef she don't
bang my time, den I done los' my way."

UNCLE REMUS'S VIEWS ON
CHURCH COLLECTIONS

THE Reverend Jeems Henry
preaches to a large colored con
gregation in Atlanta, and he is
not only respected by his own race, but
by the whites as well. He is energetic, per
sistent and devout, and in the midst of it
all, he manages to keep an eye on Uncle
Remus, in whose spiritual welfare he mani
fests great interest. Uncle Remus is many
years older than the Reverend Jeems Henry
and his attitude toward the preacher is one
of paternal respect. The old man, how
ever, is accustomed to listen to the lectures
of his young friend with an air of listless
and patient indifference which, when Uncle
Remus's restless and fiery disposition is
taken into consideration, is the next thing

158

Views on Church Collections

to dramatic art of a very high order — if
dramatic art lies anywhere in the neighbor
hood of simulation. Recently the two met
on a street corner. Brother Jeems Henry
was going forth upon a mission connected
with the church, while Uncle Remus was
gazing anxiously at the cloudy skies.

"Bless you, Brother Remus!" exclaimed
the preacher by way of salutation. "How
you come on this mighty long time?"

"Middling Brer Jeems Henry — des
middlin'. I'm some'er's 'twix' de po'-
house an' de doctor-shop, yit I 'm glad fum
my heart dat 'tain't no wuss."

"That's what I tells 'em all, Brother
Remus. They ought to be thankful for
what they've got. I hope soon to see you
workin' in the vineyard, Brother Remus.
The harvest is waitin' an' the labor few."

"Dat so, Brer Jeems Henry; I Stan's wid
you dar, sho. But de mo'est w'at er ole

IS9

Uncle Remus Returns

cripple nigger lak me kin do dish yer kinder
wedder is ter set down an' wait fer water-
million time."

"All the same, Brother Remus, the Mars-
ter's work is got to be done/'

"I ain't 'sputin' dat, Brer Jeems Henry,
an' I ain't gwineter 'spute it — kaze when
I sees you peradin' 'roun', an' promernadin'
up an' down wid yo' stan'in' collar er stick-
in' up, an' yo' stove-pipe hat er shinin', an'
yo' black frock coat er floppin', den it seem
like ter me I done miss my callin'."

"How is that, Brother Remus?"

"Hit's des dis away, Brer Jeems Henry.
When my bag er meal run dry, an' my little
rasher er bacon disrepear fum de cubberd,
whar I gwine git any mo* 'ceppin' I sail
out an' scuffle 'roun' atter it? An' yit, ef
I wuz stoopin' up'erds in yo' shoes, Brer
Jeems Henry, dey ain't kin be much uv er
scuffle."

160

Views on Church Collections

"How so, Brother Remus?" asked the
preacher with an uneasy smile.

"Monst'us easy, Brer Jeems Henry,
monst'us easy. I 'd 'ten' de speunce meetin',
lak ternight, an' let drap er hint, an' den I 'd
'ten' de pr'ar meetin', lak day atter ter-
morrer night, an' let drap er ne'er hint. By
Sunday meetin' time de scheme 'ud be
plum ripe, an' den I 'd rise up an' rap de con-
gergation ter order, an' line out 'Ye livin*
mens, come viewde groun"; an' und' kiv-
ver er dat, I'd sen' 'roun' de conterbution
plate, an' I boun' you, de nex' time folks
come visitin' 'roun' me, dey'd be er bag er
meal, an' er rasher er bacon, an' er jug er
'lasses in de cubberd. Dat dey would,
honey."

"You doin' us both injustice when you
talk in that style, Brother Remus," said
the preacher.

"Ter de contraries er dat, Brer Jeems

161

Uncle Remus Returns

Henry," responded Uncle Remus, "I ain't
mix bofe un us up in it. I des bin tellin'
you 'bout de pogrance what er no 'count ole
nigger name Remus would er laid out, per-
vidin' dat his streak er luck had er bin de
lenk an' breadt' er yo'n."

At this point, Brother Jeems Henry con
cluded to change the subject.

"Well, I wish you'd come down to class-
meetin' next Sunday, Brother Remus. A
lady from Liberia is expected to make a
little talk. She's at my house now, an' you
might come down an' get acquainted with
her."

"Bless yo' soul, Brer Jeems Henry! my
'omanin' days is done gone. I seen de time,
an' 'tain't bin so mighty long 'go, n'er,
when I 'd des jump at de chanst fer ter call
on dish yer lady, an' hit'd er done yo' heart
good fer ter see me sidlin' 'roun' 'er lak er
blue pidgin on top er de barn; but dat time
162

Views on Church Collections

done pas' an' gone. Ain't dish yer lady/'
continued the old man — " ain't dish yer
lady got er 'scription paper 'long wid 'er?"

"I don't know if she ain't, Brother Re
mus," replied Brother Jeems Henry, after
a pause.

"Ah-yi! dat what I 'lowed. She got er
'scription paper, an' she hail fum some
s'ciety er ne'er, 'way off yan', what nobody
ain't nuwer year talk un, an' she'll git up
dar befo' you all wid er bo'quet er coffee
weeds an' pepper pods, an' she'll natally in-
trance you wid de niceness er dat country;
an' den, lo an' beholes, bimeby she'll out
wid dat 'scription paper, an' she'll up'n say
dat bein' ez how dem folks 'cross dar git-
tin' on mighty po'ly wid der coffee weeds
an' der pepper pods, she hope an' trus' dat
ev'ybody'll fling in sump'n ef 'tain't
nuffin' but er thrip; an' den Brer Rastus'll
slap his han' ter his jaw an' raise de chune,

Uncle Remus Returns

an' de money '11 rattle an' jingle, an' de nex'
town w'at de lady '11 strak', she'll hit it
wid er bran' new bonnet. No use ter tell
me, Brer Jeems Henry. I done bin dar. I
done bin seasoned wid um."

Brother Jeems Henry here consulted an
immense silver watch, while Uncle Remus
went on: —

"No, Brer Jeems Henry; ef you see dat:
lady, en she ax atter me by name, you
up'n tell 'er dat I sont 'er howdy, but don't
go no fudder; des take yo' stan' 'pun dat.
Den ef she take'n press de question, take
off yo' hat an' tell 'er dat whiles you wuz
roamin' 'roun' you met up wid er ole nigger
what got mo' gray ha'rs dan he is money,
an' dis ole nigger he up'n 'lowed, he did, dat
ef 'tain't no fudder fum de meetin'-house
ter de chicken-coop in dat Liberious coun
try dan what 'tis in dish yer Nunited State
er Georgy, den dey's lots er trouble all
164

Views on Church Collections
'roun' de worril. Gun 'er dat, an' let er

go."

As the preacher, smiling in spite of him
self, turned to go forth upon his mission,
he was followed by the sonorous voice of
Uncle Remus: —

"Put my name in yo' pra'rs, Brer Jeems
Henry!"

UNCLE REMUS'S POLITICAL
THEORIES

THIS looks like spring/' said one
of the young men of the editorial
staff as Uncle Remus ambled into
the " Constitution " office with a basket of
poke salad on his arm. The old man smiled
a serious smile as he deposited his basket
and his bundles on the floor.

"Hit's bar'ly a glimpse, boss, but hit '11
make de ole 'oman 'member dat hit's 'bout
time fer ter russle 'roun' an' look atter her
collard patch."

Thereupon the old man sat down upon
the coal-box, took off his hat, fished a ban
danna from its depths and proceeded to
mop his face. He was evidently in a re
flective mood. Finally he said: —

"I year Marse John readin' ter Miss
166

Political Theories

Sally dat dey er kickin' up a monst'us
racket up dar in Conguss stidder bein' ter
home wukkin' Alongside dere neighbors.
Hit de same ole rumpus, ain't it boss, dat
bin gwine on ever sence de fa'min' days wuz
over?"

"Yes; exactly the same."

The old man chuckled complacently,
shifted his feet around, and went on: —

"De nigger in de wood-pile — dey put
'im in dar, an' now dey dunno how ter git
'im out. Dey fling de wood fus' on one side
de fence an' den on de udder, an' den dey
hove it 'roun' de yard, but de nigger he
in dar, an' dar he gwineter stay. Hit's my
idee dat he ain't playin' no fav'rites dis

season.'3

"Well, at any rate, the negroes are still
in politics," remarked one of the young men.

"Dey mout be, an' den ag'in dey mout
n't," replied Uncle Remus, "but dey ain't

Uncle Remus Returns

er votin' wid de looseness dat dey useter.
Deyer gittin' sorter stuck up 'bout dere
prevalidges, dese niggers is. Ez fer me, I
done fin' out what my politics is, an' I 'm er
stickin' unto um same ez er rusty-back
lizard ter de sunny side uv er fence-rail."

"Well, how do you stand, Uncle Remus ? "
r "You see, boss, hit like dis: Er man what
I dunno fum Adam's saddle-hoss come
'long an' say, 'Look yer, ole man, dish yer
fight's er fight whar yo' intrust is mixt up.
Hit's yo' bounden duty ter vote wid de
ripublikins, kaze de white folks '11 have you
strung back up inter slave'y 'fo' you kin
bat yo' eyes.' Dat what de man say.

"Den I ax Marse John how he make it
all out, an' Marse John, he say, 'Remus,
you villianous ole sinner, dar's er pot er
greens an' er pone er co'n-bread out dar in
de kitchin waitin' fer you. I ain't got no
time fer ter talk politics now.' But, bless

168

Political Theories

yo' heart an' soul, honey, darwuz mo* poli
tics in dat pot er greens an' dat 'ar pone er
co'n-bread dan what I ever is seed 'roun'
de cote-house when de niggers wuz ramp-
in' 'roun' votin' fer folks what dey ain't
know 'ceppin' 'longside er hearsay.

"Hit don't make no diffunce wid me
whicherways er man draps his argyments
when he 's er browsin' 'roun' on de aidges,
but when he git down ter business, he des
gotter rub sumpin' under my nose what
smell like Marse John's pot er greens an'
Miss Sally's biled ham.

"De argyment what got er smoke-house
an' er hot stove at de udder een' un it — -
dat de argyment what '11 fetch me."

UNCLE REMUS DISCUSSES THE
TRUE INWARDNESS OF THE MULE

I YEAR Miss Sally readin' dis mawnin'
'bout er man what went an' git his face
smashed wid er mule," said Uncle Re
mus to the agricultural editor. "I disre-
members de name, but de paper say de mule
come mighty nigh gittin' in his bes' licks."
"Cadle is the man's name," he was told.
"Dat de identikil name. I tuck'n tole
Miss Sally den dat I speck he wuz er w'ite
man, an' a mule's sump'n er nigger ain't
got no business foolin' longer, let 'lone er
white man. White man kin 1'arn joggerfy
an' 'rethmetic, an' all dat, but 'tain't in de
co'se er nater fer 'im fer ter 1'arn de mule.
An' hit's mighty few niggers dat gits er
mule by heart.

"On Marse John's place in Putmon
170

True Inwardness of the Mule

county, I plow'd er gray mule mighty nigh
six year, an' at de ve'y las' minnit, she
retched out her lef behime foot an' picked
er brass bre's'-pin offen my cloze. An' yit
I had my eye peeled fer dat mule endurin'
er de whole blessid time.

" 'Twa'n't long atter dat I wuz sorter
strucken wid de plVsy, an' er smart-Elleck
nigger got holt er my mule. He put de gear
on 'er an' lipt on ter'er back fer ter ride 'er
ter de new groun'. Leastways, dat what he
'lowed, but he didn' git outen de lot gate."

"Why not? What was the matter?"
asked the agricultural editor.

"You ax Marse John, an' he'll tell yer
dat right den an' dar he lose er sev'm hun-
derd dollar nigger."

"How was that?"

"De ex'bition wuz mighty private. Dar
wa'n't no great to-do. Hit all tuk place jes'
'fo' day in de mawnin'. De overseer, he
171

Uncle Remus Returns

wuz stan'in' at de gate watchin' de ban's
pass, an' he say he year er little noise in de
lot, what soun5 lak somebody er scufflin' an'
er scramblin'. When he went fer ter zammin
inter de racket, he fine de smart-Elleck
what I wuz tellin' you 'bout doubled up
under de troff , all mixed up wid de britchin',
an' er trace-chain wropped all 'roun' 'im."

"Where was the mule?"

"Oh, de muie! Dat mule wuz fas' asleep.
She done gone an' fergit all 'bout de 'muse-
ment. Teared lak it mout er happen de
year befo' fer all she knowed 'bout it."

"Was the colored man really dead?"

"Dat what dey say, an' he ain't never
'sputed it yit, an' dat bin nigh on ter mo' 'n
thirty year ago. Don't tell me! I knows
'bout dese mules. White folks better keep
out'n dere way, an' ef er nigger ain't mighty
perlite in 'is movemints, dey '11 ketch him.
I 'm er talkin' gospil now."

UNCLE REMUS TALKS OF HARD
TIMES AND "SUNSHINE NIGGERS"

UNCLE REMUS and old man Plato
met recently at the Atlanta pas
senger depot and compared notes.
"Dese is mighty hard times, Brer Re

mus."

"You'erwhoopin' now, honey; an' deyer
gittin' harder. De man dat gits er dollar
dese days is got ter onlimber hisse'f, sho's
you bawn. He's got ter git 'roun' same ez
ef he wuz at er camp-meetin' rastle."

"Dat what I calls knockin' at de front
do',JJ said old Uncle Plato, by way of ex
pressing his hearty assent.

"De time done come, Brer Plato," con
tinued Uncle Remus, "when niggers ain't
got none de 'vantage er po' white folks.
Some un um, I notices, kin set in de sun an'

173

Uncle Remus Returns

git fat, but wid me hit's a scuffle an' er
scramble fum day's een' ter day's een', an'
I'm monst'us glad when night come ef I
got er slice er bacon rine fer ter grease my
stummik wid."

" Some er dese yer niggers, Brer Remus,
what stan's 'roun' an' suns deyse'f look lak
dat dey got rich kinfolks some'rs."

"No use fer ter lose no sleep 'bout dem
kinfolks, Brer Plato. Ef 'twan't for dese
sunshine niggers, de chain gang would n't
be able fer ter dig er pos'-hole. Hit 'ud be
mighty nigh ez weak ez de toddy what
Marse John mix fer de baby. Niggers don't
fatten on no sunshine. When you wakes des
'fo' day an' year de hens er cacklin' an' er
squallin', you kin des put it down dat one
er dese yere sunshine niggers is makin' his
livin', an' ef er p'leeceman happin fer sa'nter
up, dar's ernudder candydit fer de chain
gang."

174

Uncle Remus and Hard Times

"You'er chawin' govunment terbacker
now, Brer Remus," responded Uncle Plato
approvingly.

THE END

CAMBRIDGE . MASSACHUSETTS
U . S . A

JAN PERIOD 1

2

q

HOME USE

"

o

^ -— • _

RENEWALS A\'2 p-r

17^ '

6"

LOAN PERIODS ARE
£}£N£WAi S • CA I t IA

^^-"O^THS?^.'

!

BE RECALLED AFTER 7 DAYS

A rvi +u i 'v-'icwcu uy cam

S»^3K5SWJ!^^^

DyiASSTAMPED

GENERAL LIBRARY ^.BERKELEY

PI