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SCJRRONIDES:
O R,
Virgil Traveftie.
A
M O C K . P O E M
ON 1 H E
Firfl: and Fourth Books
O F
FIRGIUs y^neis,
In Efi^Up? Burlesque.
By CHARLES COTTON, Elq;
The Fourteenth Edition.
.>■
'i-S*^«V,
T O T H E
R E A D E R.
n^HE Reader is dejlred, for the better
-*- comparing of the L'^tin and Engliih
together y to read ofz forward unto the en fil-
ing Letter of DireBi-on^ before he compare
the former with the OrigimiL
( 5 )
VIRGIL
T R A V E S T I E,
Sinor the Ma/i (read it who Iii>,
A 7'rojan true as ever piii>)
» Who from y'rey-Town, by V7ind
and Weather,
To /'."/v (atitl Ood knovcs whither)
Was pttck-d. :viid rack'd, nnd lolt,
^ ' and toU,
And-bouncM from Pillar unto Poft,
3 Long wander'd he tliro' thick ami thin ;
Half-roafted now, now wet to th'Skin :
By Sea and Land, by Day and Night ;
* Forc'd, as 'tis faid, by the Gods S^u-tc ;
Altho' the wifer Sort fuppofe,
' 'Twas by an old Grudgii nf jMfto'-s i
?- - ii r- II "Tt a Hi ll I
' jlrma •virumj-ue ianoy * Tro^x qui priaiMJ >al ens
ItiViamt fato /iroju^us, Lavinaquc a'fajV
Litora : ' mult urn ilk isf iciris juciatus kS -altift
* Fi Super urn, ■
* ■ ' S^cvcc msmonm Juiionis cb iram.
A3 A Mur-
6 Virgil Travrfiie. Book I.
A Murrain curry all curft Wives !
He needs muji go, the De^ijil dri'ves.
* Much fuffer'd he Jikewife in War,
Many dry Blows, and many a Scar :
Many a Rap, and much ado
At Quarter- ftafF and Cudgels too j
Before he could be quiet for 'em,
(Pox of all Knaves, for I abhor 'em :)
But this faifte Younker at the laft,
(Ail Brawls and Squabbles over-pafl)
And all thefe Rake-hells overcome,
* Did buHd a pretty 'GV<2«^f call'd Roftt^.
' But oh, my Mufe ! put me in mind,
To which o'lh' Gods was in: unkind :
* Or, what the Plague did Juno mean,
(That crofs-graiu'd, peevifh, fcolding Quean, ,
That fcratching, catcr-wawling Pufs)
* To ufe an hcneit Fellow thus t
(To curry him like Pelts at A'anners)
^ Have Goddefies no bettei Manners ?
7 A little Town there was of old,
Thatch'd with good Straw to keep out Cold,
H'lgh-t Carthagi', which (if not bely'd)
Was by the Tyrians occupy'd :
' Mult a qt/yque is' hello pajfus, dum conderet urbem
• - Atque alt/e tncenia Romce*
3 Muja, ?nihi caufas mejuora j quo manine Itefo :.
* l^id've doleus RcginaDeum. ^ tct %'ol-vere ca/us
In/igve?n pietaie 'virum, tot adire Inheres
Impulcrit. ^ T ant>t7ie arJ.mis calejiibits irte ?
7 XJrbs antiquafuit, Tyrii'tenuers -Colon: ,
Carthago "
8 The
Poois llolr ^v Cave a/iJ Elden Hoi
Book t. Virgil Trave/lie,
* The larticft Carles thereabouts.
Rich Cuffs and very flurdy Louts.
9 Now this fame Carthage, you muft know,
ymio did love o*t of all Whoe :
There are alive that yet will fwear it.
No Village like it, no Plac(; near it :
• Except a Place, forfooth, that's famous
For her own Birth, a Farm call'd Sa!nos ;
Here Ihe her Trinkets kept and oJd Thinjrs,
Her Needles, Poking-flicks, and Bodkins ;
And here, in Houfe, with lier own Key-locks,
f She us'd to kcvp her Coach and Peacocks.
This Place then mainly pleas'd her Humour,
X But Ihe had heard a fcurvy Rumour,
Thit7'rcja/:s, arm'd in Coats ofChamlet,
Should one Day overthrow her Hamltt ;
Plunder her Cherts, Joint-ilools and Tables,
And burn her Cow-houfes and Stables,
(I She, fearful of rMs fad Prcdiiflion,
(Which prov'd a true one, and no f idion)
' And mindful of her injur'd Honour,
When Paris gave the Apple from her ;
Studi'i/que afperrima belli
9 i^iam ]\ino fcrtitr terris magis omnibus unam
• PoJlhabiKi cohtiffe Samo ; f kic ilUus arma.
Hie currus fuit :
I Progtniemfcd enim Trojanb a fanguine duel
Audierat, Tyrias oU?:i quiS 'verteret area.
II Id metucits, ——~~.~
' htcdum etiam caufa; irrriim, /avique doLrcs
Excidtranf a,:imo. Manet alld mentd. t/tente rel>lj}um
'Judicium Paridis, • ■
A ± Did
Did many Years bend her Devotion,
To drown JEneas in the Ocean ;
And many a flipp'ry Trick fhe pkid hini,
Till Jeue at laft o'er Sea convey 'd him ;
* So hard it is, where an old Grutch is.
To get out of a Woman's Clutches.
uHneas had not been o'th' Water
Above an Hour, or fuch a Matter ;
Nor further row'd, than we may rate
' Twixt Parfons* Dock and Billingfgatet
Or fiiy, betwixt Dover and Calice,
' When Jmho (full of her old Malice)
Thus with herfelf began to mutter :
Cannot I drown thefe Crows i'th* Gutter ?
Muft they go on fearing no Colours ?
And cannot T fquander their Scullers r
Muit thefe fame Trojaj: Rafcals nofe me,
* Cecaufe the Fates (forfooth) oppofe me ?
s Pallas could Wherries burn and Gallies,
And clatter Mortals Bones like Tallies ; ^
" But 1, Joi'eh Sljler and his mfe.
Can do no Mifchief for my Life.
- Tantee molis erat Romanam condere gentenu
Vix e confpeSiu Slcula: telluris in altu?n
Vela dabant lati, l^ /pumas falis are ruebajit ;
^ Cum Juno, aternum fernjans/ub peilore ijulnus,
Hacfecum \ Mene incepto defiltere viftam ?
■^ ^titpe 'vetor fati^ ! s Pallafne exur.qe clajj'em
Argivum potuit ? • • •
*> yl^ ego qua Di'viim incedo Regina, Jovifcjue
Et Sorer, iff Conjiixy una cum getite tot anuos
Bella gero -■'■ ' '
■*r^T».
'Juno
Book I. Virgil Travejlie, 9
7 yuno enrag'd, and fretting thus,
* Runs me unto one JfioLi :
This jEolujt as Stories tell us, . '
Could backward blow, like a Smith's Bellows,
A Day, a Week, a Month together;
And, by his Farting, make foul Weather;
Blow Men, and Trees, and Houf-s down ;
Great Ships and almoft Fiflies drown.
He was, in/i?!e, the loud'ft of Farters ;
Yet could command his hindtir Quarte^f,
Corrcft his Tail, and only blow
U there Occafion were, or fo :
9 Whom Jcve obferving to be fo flern,
In the wife Conduft of his Poftern,
He made him King of all the Puft^"(*rS,
Which he (becaufe he kn£W them HufFers)
Durft no where venture, I muf: tell ye,
But in the Caverns of his Belly :
Which having but one Poftern-Gate
For thefe mad Boys to fally at.
He might the fafter peg them in.
And by the plucking out a Pin,
Then (at his Eafe) ^rfing about
To any Quarter, let them out.
* T'o this fame King (^een Juno poftcd,
And thus in flatt'ring Terms accolled :
■ ■■ \ • ' ■ « ■ •> ' ', , , 11 ^ 11
7 Talia fiammato fecum Dca ccrJe •vclutaHs',
' ^oliarn. --venit : hie 'vnjh Rex JHolah a.itiy.
LuSlantes •venios tcmpcfintefque finoras
Imperio prefnit *—
" S:d Vater cmnipotcm
Regfmque dedit^ qui feeder e ccrto
ht premere, isf Icixas feint dure jufus Ijalennt.
* Jd quern Turn ]\i.no fupplcx his -ccciius ufa tf! :
" " As • Thou
TO Virgil 'Travtfiie. Book V.
' Thcu mighty King, whofe potent Sway
Thclawlefs Elujl^rcrs do obey ;
Whofe Nod the ftubborn'il Winds do dread,
(Even At\^6','\xk-Sxoiland bred.)
Thou, whofe unruly Empire reaches
As far as the wide Compafs ftretches.
Hear a poor Queen's Requeft, and fay,
Thoul't do't : For Imult have no Nay.
"^ There are a few Tntter-de-mallions,
That (with a Po.x)i would be //«//«;/.?, ■ (
And into Latium now a^-e going, ii':: ■
With Oar and Sculls tugging and rowing:
A Crew of d, unken roaring Ruffins,
Lewd, wand'ring, fturdy Raggamuffins :
Rafcals I hate, as I do Garlick,
And yet the Rogues are ilout and warlike :
3 If therefore thou wilt fmoke thefe Royfters., . '.'Uc
And fowfe them all like pickl'd Oyllers, ss#l'ni:iii
There is a pretty Maid of mine, ■'
Call'd Die, Hiall be thy Concubine. .
u£'£*/«j hearken'd to this Story, •
With no fmall Pride, no little Glory j '! •■
To have a Queen, fo gay and trim, ..
C:)m£ to requeft a Boon of himl[
' yEoIe ftiamque i'lhi Di-vu?n paler at que hbmirium Rex
Et 7H'uUere dcdh fii.&us U iollere ijento)
■'■ Geiu iiiirMctx mihi Tyrrhenum 7!a-vignt epquory
Ilium in Italiam /c/Yfl>;,r, —
i Incut e 'Z'im -jenfisi fubmerfrfque obrue pttppesy
Jut age dirorrfasy i^ disjice corp.ora po?ito.
Sunt inihi his fepte'm prn-Jtcnti ccrpore Kjjnpha :
"■■^uiiviDn, quA- firma pulcherrima, Dei'opeiam
C'Athubio ■jungam fiahili y propriamqnc dicabo :
But
Book I'. V I R r, T L TraK.'e/lic. 1 1
But th'prencl', i'th' Tdl of the Preamble.
that ! That made his Bowels wamble,
(And Wind, you know, under Corredion,
Is a main Caufer of F.reftion ;)
He, lill'ning ftood, wriggling and fcraping ;
But durfl: not bow, for fear of 'leaping,
Until at 1 aft, with Cap in tland. Sir,
♦ He thus returned with mcJeft Anfwer :
O Queen (quoth he) my Thanks are real.
That you will ufe your Servant '^^V ;
And, fhould I not f ay your Civility,
To th' utmoft of my poor Ability,
Who art great Jove's Siller and Wife,
It were e'en Pity of my Life :
I'll play thefe Rake-hells fuch a Hunts-up,
As, were they She's, would turn their up.
Say you no more, the Thing is done ;
I'll diown 'em ev'ry Mother's Son.
But, fince your Grace is nice of fmelling,
1 wifh you were at ybur own Dwelling ;
There's Reafon fcr't (faving yoUr Favour)
Fur truly (Madam) Ifhall favour.
But I befeech } nir Gy-rice, in no wife
Forget the ff'omah that you pyomife.
yuno aT f! . at' away does go,
And, in lefs while chan'I aiii fpeakino^,
Was got a^,Hfih/a5i T6p of * Rding .- * Mans Sa-'
No bigger new thaiJ} SGJ.Qol-boy.s Kite, lophnfu.
And now cle;^ vanifh'd out of Sight.
•♦ -lE'^iLi; hicc contra^. Tuus-, o Rt-gini, quid c*>tes,
Explorare Liho-fy-^kithi ^ujja capcJTcre f'asejt.-
Tu mil::, qui^tu'ttqfie'Vic re^Hi':-J;i Jtr^ira^ JoSTnifine,
Gcn'Alias .*'.\c\«. a\*>' A 6 ' -/'V.'
12 Virgil Travejii'e. Book R
^e!, who all the while ftood gaping ic<i
At her fine Peacocks g.iwdy Trapping, f ^"t
Seeing her mount Olympus' Stair-cafe,
Beft^an t'untrufs, to eafe his Carcafe :
Twice belch'd he loud from Lung5 of Leather,
To call his roaring Troops together ; . . ,,
And twice (as who fliould fay, we corae)
They roar'd i'th' Concave of his Womb :
5 With that he turns his Buttocks Sea-ward,
And with a gibing kind of Nay- word,
f^oth he, Blind Harpers, have among ye j;j
'Tis ten to one but I bedung ye.
At the fame Word, lifting one Leg,
And pulling out his trufty Peg,
^ He let at ODce his gen'ral MuHer . i
Of all that e'er could blow or bluller j^^^.^jIj-^^'^j,^.^' ,j^
And (like a Coxcomb) in his Tu^i^. 9iomd.% #
Left not one Puft" to cool his Gruel,
^- Have you not feen below the Sphere
A mortal Drink call'd Bottle- l^eer,
How by the Tapllcr, when the -Stoppl? -, :. . . ,, „ r
Ts ravifii'd from the teeming Bottle, ,, rW^fhM.
It bounces, foams, and froths, and flitter^-.g^'j ^^1 Iti^.
As if 'twere troubled with the Squitters.|,^,];v..^,j^._.kj^.yj j;:j
• '■ ' ..- -^ J . J , ; ' ) i^
"^ lia:c ubi dicia., ca-vuin c^n-jersd cufpid^ msnUm • <^*
impul'it in latus :' ac 'vcnti njcluf a^mine fa^.o^\ '
•■jhut data porta niunf, l:^ terrailurbine perjlant. ''
hiiiihiere man, totumqiie a fedibus-imts J'" .i ".>'_'■ 'Oi(>M
^ . Utia Eurufque, Notufque r.uuvft crebir.pte.pracetiii^,\
AfricHS ^ 'vajlos 'volvunt cd litora fiu£ius.
1 tiff quit ici- clamorqite t'irum, firidorque rudeniuvi \
T.yipiiuitjuhiih 7iubcs c'celumque, diemque *^
Taicrorum ex cciiHs ; 'ponio' vox incuhai crirq\ .. . . :. ••w\'..V'-
J>iir,nucr,e pcli^ i3 crebris mica! ignihus frtiier;.'. ' \\\ »'?
i\-afp:t''miu£-'-c!rh intentaiti cmnia m(jcihu.,r:^ — - . Ev'JD
Box)IvlJ Virgil Trnvejtie<. ij
Ev'n fc, when ^^/pluck'd the Plug
from th' Muzzle of his double J«g, ''
The Winds burft out ivith fuchfl Rattle,
As he had broke the Strings that twattle. '
Bounce, cries the Port-hole, out they fly
And make the World dance Barnahy j
Througliout the Seas and Coails they wander,
One Boreas was their chief Commander ;
A huffing yacki' a ptund'ring Tearer,
A vap'ring Scab, and a great Swearer, '
This P'ellow, and his boifl'rous Rout,
Finds me, o'th' Sea, the Trojans out.
yE//eas, and his wand'ring Mates,
Were, at that Time, angling for Sjirafs ; )
Thinking no harm no more than wc do,
(For all was line and fair to fee to) - .
When, all o'lh' fudden j oh, who'd think it .^
(By this good Drink, I mean to drink it !)
It grew fo dark, -that, wanting Light,
They could not fee the Fifties bite ;
And flraight, e're one coitld fay what's this ?
The Winds began to how4 and hifs.
And in the Turning of a Hand, Sir, ■-
They grew fo big, one could not ftand, Sir. *•
Then follow'd' Rains, Lightning, and Thunder,
As the whole World would fly afunder.
yK/tfuts hearing the Winds threating.
And * feeing monftrous Billows beating, * Sy ihe
Knowing they purpos'd to difpatch him ; Light ningL
And that the Haddocks watch'd to catch him ;
7 Fell prefcytly in a cold Sweat,
So fick he"c9uld^nofdriok nor eat; .
J'^^Xte^-iplv ^UnQX /oivuniur frigjore membra: 'Tvvas
14 Virgil 7'ravejiie: Book li
'Twas all the World to twenty Pound,
He had not fall'n intOjE SsVogn:; . 'i
But by jfove's Eitvpur h^ing blell,
With Guts in's -Head ^bove the relt.;
Like to a cu*ining; Chapniin,; he
Made Virtue of N^ceiTicy. . - ;
And, in the midll of all Defpairs,
Thought it his-beft to fall ta fray'rs.
* With woeful Heart, and biubber'd Eyes,
Lifting his Muttonrij^Jls to th' 3kies,
He therefore pray'd, Q Jupner l\
Either hear now, or never hear ; :,
Now, now, thy trufty Trojans zhctiih.
Help now, orT.ever, dif wefperjlh.
9 Could not Tj'''^^^''-^ A'^ ^^*>'..^ P*^»
Should he be hang"d, once knp^k;ine down :
Nor yet the merry Greek, Ac/^iljes,},i,^i 'rf: ; liw ,,.:;; »'
Whea he kilia lyi^^y Hcclor, kill thefe ?• -•--;>
And muft we now bcTent, for Diflies,
To Shark: y and fuch-iike g:eedy Filhes ?
* Thus went he on with his Ori/ons,^
Vv'hich, if you mark 'em well, HVirc-vjiJk-gn^Sy,,, u ;;.T
Now praying, now expoftulating_^ ._. - . . ' .; *
But he might e'en have held his Prating ;
Fc: Jc'Zie, if he had been more near him.
The Noifc was fuch he could not hear him :
!ii<i.3\
* lupfrnf, Cif, ^itflicei teiiUem ad'fid&rtt falmo.^y
'Taliaxvoc.e.refer{;t\\A ^'.t^^'-'X^'i \:> <-'^-
___ 9 O Y>2iX\z.\xm.fcrtt_ffime genth
"^I'ydide, Aleue VlM^c'ia uccumbire cfii;:p:s
^on potuij/'e, tuaque ajihno.m hanc ej^'undere dextrd ?
S 071 US uln j^acidaj teh jacet Hettor, — --^-J—
* fahajaSann —--^ — '■ " 'Zv ^, .
Book r. V r R c I L Travejlk. 15
' The Winds grew louder dill, art'.l iondcr,
And play'd their Gambo4s with a Pt wder :
Theu, then indeed, began t!ic l'udd»?r.
Here an Oar brokd, and there a Rudder;
Here a Boat kicking on the Surges,
And there one finking in a Gurges.
* Three Boats a Windcall'd Noiu^ rullles.
Upon a paltry Bed of Mnfcles,
3 And there, did roaring ^«r«j'dabble ye,
In quick Sands deep, rhofl; lamcnta-bly-
■•• One Wherry that the Lyc'uim carry'd.
And one 0;-5///^.f, never marrvM,
Was, jull about the Time of Dinner,
O'ervvhelm'd, and all the Men within her.
Orontesy tho' he was confounded,
Yet very loth to be thus drowned,
Did all he could, with might and main.
To have fwum back to Land again.
His Skill he to the Trial pu^s,
But could not do it for his Guts :
And therefore was fows'd up for Cod-fiJJj ;
1 doubt he proved but very Odd-fifh.
Str'uicns k<\\x\\oriQ procella
Velum aci-jerja firll, jiudUfque ad Jidern tollit.
Franguntur remi ; turn prora a\'crtit, CS" u)uiis
T)at liitus ;
^ Tres-^otasabrcptas in fax a latent ia torqiiet :
^ 7'irs Eurus tii alto
Li Brcvia i^ SyJtes urget, (miferabile 'vi/u)
♦ Vn.ifn, qu£ Lycios, fidtanque 'vehebat Orontem,
Ipjius ante cculos iitgens a •-jertice Pontes
111 puppimferit .- Exculitir)-., pronlifqiu yiagiihr
^'^l-vittir in caput. Jjl illam ter flueim ibidetH
orquet agens circuni, ij rapid/a -vorat cvqitore vertex. •
5 Now
1 6 Virgil Traz-tflie. Book I.
5 Now might you fee the Trojans Tritnminig ■
Upon the foaming Billows fwimming ;
Sculls, Cars, apd Stretchers, with their Benches,
Floating EnKjngll: the rolling Trerurhes ;
Hats, Caps, and Caflbcks, Bands and Kuffs,
(Indeed, I think, they wore no Cuft:>)
B^Vik-llaves and Cudgels, Pikes and Truncheons,
Brown Bread and Cheefe that fwarm by Luncheons ;
With Trealure paft all mortal Matching,
That any Man may have for Fetchino-.
fi In the mean time, this Hurly-burlv,
That fiill iftcreas'd more loud and furly,
Rous'd Keptu/ie with the Ibange Commotion,
Who liv'd i'th' 3cttom of the Ocean.
This Neptune was of oid a Fiiher,
And to JEneas a Well-wiiher :
'Caufc, on a Tiriie, renus, that bore him,
Spoke a good Word t' her father for him,
And made him, for his good Conditions,
King over all his Pcok and FilTi-ponds.
This Blade, -whien he firfl heard the Sea ring.
Was pickling Pilchards, Sprats, andHeriing ;
But at the Noife he throws his Tray,
Fifties, and Salt, and all away ;
And taking up his three -fork'd Troutfpear, '
7 Hey, hey, (quoth he) what a brave Rout's here ?
5 Apparent rari nantei in gurgite i/ajio :
Arma 'virum, iahulnquc y \3 \' roi^ gaaa per undas.
^ huei'ea magho rmjceri murmurs Bmitum,
EmiJ/amque-Hie>ne7?i'JenJit'Htvi\ii\xx»i fsi imis .
Stagna, refit/a 'vadis-,
" 7 Granjiter comtnotm, y alto
Trofpiciens, fumma placidum caput exluJit unddy
Di:jcnam, Ai^n€3z loto <videt square ClaJ)'c)n, ^
flutHhMscppreJjhs Tjoas, xaU^iie rutiid^ . .... ~
^u-^L^fvin doli frairem ]\xnQii\%, k3 ira : t>r»-
Bookl. V'iRoiL TravcfiU. 17
Under his Arms h€ had two Bladders;
By which he mounted without Ladders ;
And thrurting's Head above the Water,
Says, What a V-cng'ance, ho's the Matter?
Then feeing round how Things were vary'd,
Aad how the Trojans had miftirry'd ;
He flraighc began to fmell a Rat,
And foon perceiv'd what they'd be at :
For he knew all Jitno'% Contriving,
And Spite, as well as any living.
Have you not feen upon a River
A Water-Dog, that is a Diver,
Bring out his Mallard, and ef't-foon^
Be-fliakc his rtiaggy Pantidoons i
So Nepturte, when he firft appears.
Shakes the fait Liquor from his Ears,
And made the Winds thcmfclves to dou-btlim.
He threw the Water fo about him i
Vcx'd at the Plucks to fee this Clutter,
He fcarce could fpeak, but fpurt and fputt;r ;
3 Till, beck'nin^ Zephyrus and EuruSy
He thus began in Language furious :
How durft you, Rogues, take the Opinion
To vapour here in my Dominion,
Without my Leave ; and make a Lurry,
That Men cannot be quiet for ye ? ' ^
" -* ■* - ■ ■ — — ■ -— ^ -^ -« ^^ . '
^ Eurum adfe Zephyjumya^ -vocat ; dehinc taliafatur :
Tantane 0)05 gcmrls tenuit fiducia'vcjhi f
Nam Cerium, Tixr unique y meo Jlnc Numine^ Vinlif,
Mi/cere, ^ tantas audetis ivllere mcks ?
i^tos ego ! Sed motci prajlat compoaere FIiu^ms. .
Foji m;hi non Jimili pa:uu (cmmijfa liutiu
Rafcals^
tn<f
18 . -VfR^i'L-rraiv///. Book I
Rafcals, : fhall ! — ki^u* well ! Go to,
I now have fomething" clfe to do ;
Ife'er again I catch you creaking,
'Tis odds I fpoil your Bagpipes fqueakin*.
9 And Sirrah, you there: Goodman * ^/^y?^r, * Spedl ^
Go tell that farting Fool your Mafter, to Boreas
That fuch a whirling Scab, as^h^; him/elf.
Was ne'er cut out to rule the Sea ;
But that it to my Empire fell :
Bid him go vapour in his Cell ;
There let him puff and domineer, -
But make no more fuch Foiftino- here :
O
-And for what's p aft (if my Aim mifs not)
I'll teach him fi-z.zel in his Pifs-pct.
t Scarce had he bubbl'd out his Sentence,
But that they fled to fhew Repentance.
And he, that erft had made a Din-molV,
Now cry'd, The Devil take the hir.dmOil,
Ev'n as a Flock of Geefe do flutter,
When crafty Reynard comes to Supper ;
So nimbly flew away the Scoundrels,
Glad they had 'fcap'd, and fav'd their Poundrels.
X Now all was fair again and frolick,
The Sea no more troubled with'Cholick ;
9 Maturate fugam, Reg^ue hac dicite "vejlro :^
Ken tin Imperium pelagi -■-
Sedmihi Jorte datum. Tenet ille imma7na Jaxay
Fefira.', Eure,- dcnioi ; Ilia fejaClet in Aula
-Ai^olus, iS clai.'Jh %'entcrutncarcere regnct.
f Sic nit, is dido citii'.s iumida a^ucra placat.
X Collect afque fu gat nith'cs,' folethque feducft'.
Cymothcejirr.ul, b' Triton adnixus, acuta'
Detrudunt navis Jcvptdo ; le-uat iple Tridefitiy
Et iMJjIas apsrit Syries, z2> temper at a-qucr.
The
Book I. Virgil Travejiie. 19
The Sun (hone bright, as on May-Day ;
Had there been Grafs, one might made ilay :
But yet fome Boats ftuck on the Flat?,
Their Men all dafh'd like Water-Rats.
Neptune at this his Speed redoubles.
To eafe them of their Peck of Troubles ;
He thrull his Muck-Fork in two Faddorn,
Betwixt the Boats and that that ftaid 'em,
And lifted them ftiecr oft" as clever.
As he had had a Crow or Lever :
Now, Sirs, (quoth he) you may go forward,
And rOw Eaft, Weft, or South, or Northward
If the Rogues corac again, I'll fwill 'em,
I love a Doo- that comes from Ilium.
And you, ^E:it'as, and your Men,
If e'er you come this Way agen,
I hope you'll call, or I'ft be forry ;
I'll have a Dijii of I,obftcrs for ye.
j^neas, who was gentle-hearied,
Scrap'd him a Leg, and fo they parted.
They take their Sculls again, and ply 'em,
Hanging their Jerkins out to dry 'em ;
Away they cut as fwift as Swallows,
Ploughing the Sea as Men do Fallows ;
Till e're a Man could well tell Ten,
Or go to th' Door, and back agen,
' They all as" plainly faw the other
Side, as wc now fee one another :
Then there old tugging v, ds, and pulling.
Never fuch plying and luch fculling :
Contcndunt pctere.
^•■e proxima, litora curfu
They
20 Vi-RGiL Tra^eftre. Book^'
They whoop'd and fang gladder and gladder,
I think, March Hares were never madder.
At laft, all Dangers notwithilanding,
* They came unto a Place of Landing ;
A Pair of Stairs they found, not big Stairs,
Juft fuch another Place as Trigg-Stairs.
Not made for Watermen, but Women,
That ufe to come and vvafti their Linnen ;
There was old driving then and thruftingj
Which with their Sculler fhould get firft in.
Sirs (quoth ^'Emas) fhew feme Breeding,
Let's have no more Halle than good Speeding ;
Have Patience, Gentiles, I implore ye.
And let your Betters go before ye :
With that, they all gave Place, and Reafon j
It elfe had been no lefs than Treafon j
2 V/hilft our ^-SV.'fii;, at two Leapings,
Set the firft Foot upon the Steppings ;
'Ihen all the reft came in a Bundle,
As they would burft each other's Trundle :
Weary they were, the Wind had dous'd 'em.
And fo they fet 'em down and lous'd 'em.
•♦ After a while, a Fellow knocks *"
Fire, with a Steel and Tinder-Box.
* E/i iit fecejfu longo hcus j Infula par turn
Elicit objeSfu laterum ; quiius omnis ab altr>
Frangltur, znque Jtnv.s Jc'nidit fefe unda reducioi.
— — 3 iEneas, collefiis na-x'ibus omni
Ex numeroy Jv.bh ; ac magno tell ur is amore
Egrejjt optatd Troes potiuntur arenas
Et Jale iabentes art us in litore pomint.
* Ac primum filic! /cintillam excudit Achates,
"Sufcepifque ignem folds, at que arida circian
}^utri)i:entci dedit, rapu'tque in fomite fia/ntnam.
lum Cererem corniptam undis, Cerealiajw^ armtt
Expediunt ftjji reruin, frugf/que recepias
Ei torrere parant Jiammlsy \^ frar.gere faxo. For.
Book L V 1 R c I L Travejiie. 2 1
For each Man had his Flint and Touch^wood,
The World befides could {hew no fuch Wood :
Then Sticks they gather. Leaves and Briers,
And fell a making them good Fires ;
Then Skellets, Pans, and Pofnets put on.
To make them Porridge without Mutton.
* In the mean time JEntas got him
Up to a Hill to look about him.
And, as he there a while ftood gazing,
* He faw fome Sheep below him grazing,
7 O ho, quoth he, I'll foon be wi'ye,
Eefworn I'm glad at Heart to fee ye.
And fetches itraight a good Yew-Bow ;
This laid, away ray Youth dees go.
And Arrows under's Belt he flicks too,
(For he could flioot at Buts and Pricks too)
His Head he put a good Steel Cap or,
Becaufe he knew not what might happen :
And thus, as if he went to Battle,
He goes to murder poor Men's Cattle.
^ His Arrow in the String he nocks.
And fhoots among the harmlefs Flocks :
Thefe prov'd at Chance to be the faireft.
But he flill fhot at that was neareft.
^ JS^neni ficpulum interea confccndlt., l^ omnem
ProJ-peclum late pdago petit - ■ ■
— ^— ^ Tres litore cer^vos
Profpicit erranUs ■
7 Coujlitit hiCy Arcumque manu^ celerefque fagittasy
* Duilore/que ipfos primuniy capita, altafercntcs
Cornibui arboreis, ^ernit.
9 Seven
2 2 ViR c I L Tra'Di'Jtie. Book 1.
9 Seven Lordly Tups he wounded mortal.
The other Shots he made were fhort all :
Thefe to his hungry Mates he lurries,
(Pray what's his Due that Mutton worries r)
* Here, Lad?', qucth he, here's Sides and Haunches,
Fall to, and fill your empty Paunches.
Scarce had he made an end of Boafting,
t But feme to Boiling fell, fome Roafting :
'Twas foon enough, and to't they fall,
They eat up Mutton, Guts and all ;
Yet fcarce could fatisfy their Hungers,
Thefe Trojans were fuch IvTutlon-mongers.
X There was by Chance a Siocp of Liqucr,
Cork'd up in Bottles made oi Wicker ^
Civ'n by my Hoftefs, I conceive.
When firft ^^neas took his leave :
The Drink (to make the Feau the fuller)
ALneas fetch'd out of his Sculler ;
And, like a Man had fomething in him,
Gave it as free as e'er was gl'n him :
Himfelf a Difli he firft pour'd out.
For fear it would not go about :
Then flroaking up his lJ'hiJI:ers greafy.
He thus beo;ins in Words mofl eaf/ :
9 Kec prius ahfijiit qiiamfeptem ingentia I'iilor
Qorporafiindat hutni.
^Et /oiios portitjir in cmnes.
f Parsinfriiflafecar.t, njenibufque trementia figunt :
Liiore ahena locavt alii, fiamtnajque ininijirant.
\ Vina, bcnus quee deinde cadis oncrcirat Aceftes
Liters Trinacrio, dederatque aheuntihus Heros,
Dividit, \^ diiiis vioerentia pcdora tnuhet.
Heie,
Book I. Virgil T'ravejiie. 23
' Here, Lads., have at ye, and be merry,
We'are got at lall falc o'er the Ferry ;
And tho' we've had but angry Work, yet
Let's make the bcft pf a bad Market :
To-day let's drink, and hang To-morrow,
A Giain of Mirth'^s worth PounJs of Sorrow.
-* Be blithe and jolly then as may be,
Faint Heart, you know, ne'er wins fair Ladv ;
What iho' a while we fa e 1 ut hardly.
Yet in the End does our Reward lie :
We fhall win Houfcs, Lands, and Doxies,
With dainty Patches where n^o Pox is :
And then all this, that feems t'undo us,
Will be but Sport and Pallimc to us.
J Thus did t)ie lubtle Fornicator
St a o-ood Face on a bad Matter :
As who fliould make 'em underftand
How pretty a Fellow he was on's Fiand ;
When I (for all's brave alls) mufi tell je.
His Heart then panted in his Belly.
♦ Down glides his Ale over his Pallet,
As glib as't had been Oil of Sallet':
And all the reft, in their due Order,
Quaft''d till their Drink v.'ould go no fui rher.
■ O foe it (nequceniin iguari Jumus cnte maloruni)
O pajji gra-x'iora ; dalit Ditis his quoque fimm.
J'us iff Scyllu;am rabictn, pcn'ttiijque fonantes
Jccefth fcopulos \ 'vos l^ Cyclopeay«A-«
Experti ; * Re^jocatc attrfnos, mcejiumque timoran
Mittite ; fcrfan \3 hecc cLm memhiijje ju-vabit.
Per <varios cafus, per tot difcrhnn^-a rerumy
Tendimus in Latiura j fcdes ubifata quiet as
OJiendunt :
^ Talia voce refert, curifquc ingentibus ager
Spem 'vuhu Jimuint ; premit ahum cordc dolor em,
^ Imphntur njcteris Bacchi, pingiafque fevina; . ^ Ntdw
£4- Virgil Travejlie. Book !.-
5 Now having fpent th^ir Drink and Vittles,
They rife and wipe their greafy Thvcittles ;
And, ftroakingthem, began to mind *em
Of thofe were left at Sea behind 'em :
With that, ^Eneas made a Motion
To climb the Hills, aiid look on th' Ocean,
If, from the Cliffs and i*ramontories.
They might efpy tkeir Fellow Tories :
At that they went, fome this, fomc that Way;
Some went not far, and foine a great Way ;
Some whoop'd, fome hollow'd, and feme fhouted,
6 Some thought 'era fafe, and others doubted ;
Seme laid their Ears to Ground in Cunning,
To lift if they could hear them coming:
Eut all in vain ; for none could fpy 'em ;
They call'd their Friends, for none was nigh 'em.
At laft, by gen'ral Approbation,
They laid 'em down, as was the Fafhion,
And fiept, being tir'd with Pains and Feafting,
When Belly's fnll, Bones wiH be relHng.
Afleep they lie fnorting and fnoring.
With fuch a Noife they made the Shore ring.
Or fuch a Din as Dtogs do utter.
When they by Night together clutter ;
Snarling and fwearing in lewd Fafhion,
For Bitch of ■©vil Converfation :
7 When Jo^e, v/ho was, belike, at Leifure,
Walking, or for his Health, or Pleafurs,
s Pcftquafn ex'empta fames epulis, men/^que remoter,
Amijfos longo focios Jtrmone requiriint ;
^ Spemque, metuhipie inter d-ubii, feu- -vl-i/ere credant,
Si've extrema pati.
7 Cum Jupiter athexe fummo
De/piciens mare 'velinjolion, terra/que jaceniesp
Liiora^'ie * > < ■ » Looking
^^mpy ^//.
Book I. Virgil Travejlie,
Looking about on ev'ry fide him,
« O' th' Lyiian Coads at lait efny'd 'em.
And faid in merry kind of Japping,
Indeed, Sirs, have I ta'cn you napping?
Scarce had he fpoke, when all o' th' fudden,
Whilll; he was on the Troja/is ftud'ing,
"Who fhould come there to do her Duty,
But fenus that was Queen of Beauty.
' This Fenus, without counterfeiting,
"Was a fine Lafs on's own begetting ;
'Iliou ne'er faw'ft prettier in tliy Life,
Although he had her not by's Wife,
But by a Fifli- wench he was kind to.
And fo Hie came in at the V/indow:
Now /V«//j was JEneas'' Mother,
And him flie had by fuch auother
Royfter as Jove was, when on Groundfel
He firkt her Mother's Privy-counfel :
In the Behalf then of her By-blow,
Which had endured many a dry-Blow,
■* She weeping came, iighing and throbbing.
And hardly could flie fpeak for fobbing.
Until at laft, with a fine Linen,
Wrought round with Blue, of her own fpinning,
Wiping her Face from Tears and Snivil,
She thus begun in Words moll: civil :
H
* Sec Sey
■viuj upon
^«*
■i * Et Libyae defixit htm'tna Regnis.
* At que ilium tales ja^iantcm peSiore cur as ^
Trijiior, [^ lacrymis oculos fuffuj'a nittnteS)
^Uoquitur Venus ; ■ ■■■■
B
4 O tliOU,
26 Virgil Ti-avejlie. Book I.
3 O thou, of Gods and Men, the King,
That can'ft do any kind of Thing ;
That paft their Wits doih Mortals frighten ;
When thou or thunder dofl, or lighten ;
"What could Aijieas do to thee ?
Who car'ft a Fart for no-body :
+ Or the poor Trojans, what have they done,
That thus they fiill muft be made Fools on ?
And that thou wilt f )r no Perfuafions
Let them go follow their Occafions ?
5 I'm fure you promis'd me, and fwore to It,
(Ev'n let who can, forgive you for it)
That you would make 'em This, and That,
Kings, Captains, and I know not what ;
And that out of your bounteous Givings,
They {hould have all both Lands and Livings,
And all live well in Italy :
But I perceive 'twas all a Lye.
^ Jove ftroaking up his great MullacKoes,
Smil'd for to fee her fo courageous j
For had fhe broke a Pot or Platter,
He could not well be angry at her.
.3 O, qui Res Hcminumque, Deumqu(
^ter7ii5 regis imperils, l^ fulmine terres ;
♦ ^id Tro6% potuere ? quibus tot funera paj/is
CunSius oh Italiam terrarum clauditur Or bis?
■ Cert'e hinc Romanos olim, 'vol'ventibits annis^
Jiinc fore duSiores reuocato a /anguine Teucri,
^i mare, qui Terras omni ditione tenerent,
PoUicitus. ^<£te, Gemiox, /(ntentia vertit ?
* OlUfHhridem Hominum fator at que Deorumt
H«
Boak I. Virgil Irave^fiie. 27
Helov'd her fo, which 'tis too common,
Either in Man, or clfe in Woman ;
Their BaftarJs they will clip and kifs ye.
More dearly than their lawful I flue.
7 yo-ve looking then mofl fwcetly at her
(For file had made his Mouth to water)
Took FcKus by the Chin, and gave her
A Kifs of a lafcivious Flavor.
^ My pretty Wench (quoth he) I prithee.
Let's have no more fuch puling with thee ;
All fhall be well enough, ne'er fear it.
And by my Beard once more I fwear it.
Thy Son yE?ie^s, thou doft doubt {o,
Which makes thee whimper,- cry, and pout fo,
^hall be a King, a Prince at Icaft ;
I fpeak in earneft, notinjeft.
With that he whiftled out mofc mainly.
You might have heard his Filt as plainly.
From one Side of the Sky to th' other.
As you and I hear one another.
Thrice whiftled he, when by and by.
Out came his Foot-Boy Mercury,
And aflc'd him without more ado,-
What 'twas he whillled for, and who ?
This M<rc''ry, you muil underftand, Sir,
Had formerly been a Rope-Dancer :
7 Vultu, quo Ccelumy Tempe/fale/que ferenat,
Ofcula liba'uit Gnat a ; dchinc talia fatur :
* Parce 7»etu, Cytherea ; 7na>ient i7nmota tuorum
Fata tibi. Cernes urbem, isf prom ijja ljZ.\\.n\
Maenia, /ublimemque feres ad fydera cotli
Magnanimum ^neam,
£ 2 A nim«
2S Virgil Travejlie. Book I.
A nimble Rafcal, and a Dapper,
Full deftly could he cut a Caper,
* Dance, run, leap, frifk, andcurve.t, * SeePZffK/.
Tumble, and do the Bomerfet ; in Am^hytr.
And fiy with artificial Wings,
Ty'd to his Head and Heels with Strings :
'Twas he firft taught to fly i'th' Air,
As we have fcen at Bartlc-Y^jix ;
A nimble witty Knave, I warrant.
And one that well could fay his Errant ;
An exc'lent Servant in plain Dealing,
But that he was inclin'd to Stealing.
9 Sirrah, (quoth "Jo-'jc) go take your Pun-.p?,
And hafte to Carthage, ftir your Stumps,
And as thou art a cunning Prater,
Play me the fine Infinuater :
Dido and all Iter Carthaginians^
PofTeis throughout with kind Opinions
Of the poor 'Trojans, left Queen Dido,
Not knowing 1 kings fo well as I do,
Should fnew 'cm all a Trick oi Pa/s-pafs,
And chance t'indift 'em for a Trefpafs..
Away he flies y^?«j further Speech,
As he had had a Squib in's Breech ;
And fuddenly, without difcerning,
* Set all the Tyrians Bowels yearning ;
P //<5jrc j^U ^ Maia genitum demittit ab alto ;
Vt tcrrir, inque jio-ua pateant Carthaginis arces
Hofpttio Teucris ; 7!e fati jiejcia Dido
Finibus arceret. Volat ille per a'era 7uagnttm
Remigio Alarum ; i^ Libya} citus aftitit oris i
* Ponuntque ferocia Pceni
Corda, 'volente Deo ; i?nprimis Hegina quietum
J.ccipit in Teucros anitnumt Jiwitemque benignam,
■ : Dids,
Book I. Virgil Travejlie. 29
DiJo, for her Part, fworc, a Trojan
Should do the Feat for her, or no Man.
Mean while the Trojans flcpt at Kafe,
Unlefs fometimes bit by white Fleas,
Their foft Repofe in Quiet taking,
' Only JEneas he was waking ;
Who whilll the Night was dark and o'crcaft,
Like one that had an exc'lent Fore-cafl:,
Xiay thinking liow his Guts grew limber.
How they might get more Belly-Timber :
No fooner the Light firfl: came creeping,
But that he cry'd, Ah Fool, art peeping ?
And up he flarts to go a Healing,
Either a Mutt'ning or a A^ealing ;
And yet he thouglit, being a Stranger,
To go alone might be fome Danger ;
^ Therefore he deem'd it not amifs,
To call a trufly Friend of hi: ;
And that he might go cu the bolder,
He laid a Two-hand Bat on's Shoulder*
Thus going then abroad for Food,
2 He meets his Mother in a Wood ;
So fnug fhe was, and fo array'd.
He took his Mother for a Maid :
A great Miftake in her whofe Bum
So oft had been God Mars his Drum,
' Jit pi us ^neas, per noSiem plurima 'voi'vens,
Ut primum lux ahna data eji,
» » Ip/e nno gradiiur comiratus Achate ;
Biria inanu laio crijpans hajlilia J'crro,
^ Cui mater media Jeje tulit cb'Via Jyl'va,
J'irzifiis o;, hahitiimque peretis, - ■ -
133 When
50 Virgil 7ravefiie. Book T.
When oft, full oft the lufty Drum-ftick,
Breaking quite through would in her Bum flick.
Full oft when Smug was blowing Bellows,
Would Ihe be trucking with good Fellows ;
And letherfelf bechuck'd as tamely,
As if therein there did no Blame lye.
By Mars, and many a one befide,
Oxelfe flie foully is bely'd.
4- Well met, young Men, quoth Fe^us kindly,
As you came through the Woods behind ye.
Pray did you not, for all your Hafle, note
A Lafs ifl Petticoat and Waiflcoat;
With fuch a Pelt as mine thrown o'er her,
Drivino; a Sow andPij before her ?
' No truly (quoth Jlnem mild)
I faw nor Man, Woman or Child ;
Vet, though 1 fay't, had I been nigh her,
I could, as well as others, fpy her :
But who art thou that fpeak'ft fo fhrill,
As if thy Words came through a Quill?
Thou art of gentle Kindred furely,
Thou look'ft and fpeakeft fo demurely :
^ TJierefore Good Miilrefs, or Good Lady,
I do befeech ycu, if it may be,
* Heus, inquit, jwyjenes, tnonjirate mearum
Vidijiis Ji quam hie errantcm forte fororum,
Succindajii pharetrd, l£ mncuhfes tcgmine lyiicis,
Aut Jptimantis r.pri, curfum cLimore prementem ?
• ^ Veneris contra Jic f.llus orfiis :
Nulla tuarum audita 7nibi, neque ^ji/a fororum.
O (quam ie memorem ! ) 'virgo : namque haua tibi <vidtu^
Mortalis, tiec t'ox hominem Jonat : O Dea, certe \
^ An Phctbiyorer, un Nymitharutti far.guinis una !
T«
Book I. Virgil Travejiie, 3 1
To put us out of Fear or Dangers,
7 Tell's where we are, for we are Strangers ?
* Fsnus, at that wriggling and mumping.
Cries, Pray young Man leave oft' your Frumping,
For until now I've met with no Man
E'er took me for a Gentlewoman ;
She that I aflc for is my Siller,
»I wonder how the Pox you mifs'd her !
We were this Morning fent in haib.
To fetch a Sow that lies at Mart.
9 Yon Town was built by on^ Age)iory
The Land's fo good it needs no Meaner :
* One Dido now is Queen on't, who
Ran hither a good while ago :
She is a Queen of gentle bearing,
Whofe Story will be worth the hearing :
t But fliould I tell it all out-right,
I think t'would lall a Winter's Night.
J Therefoie in (liort, this fame Queen Z>;Vo,
Who now, alas ! is left a Widow !
Had one Sichaus to her Honey,
A wealthy Man in Land and Money;
II Whom one Fygm&lion, unawares,
llill'd, as he was faying on's Prayers ;
7 '^luo fub each tandem, quibus orbis in cris
yeiSfemur, doceas :
" Tune Venus : Hand equidem tali me dignor honore,
9 Putiiea regna fides, I'yrios, IsS Agenoris urbem :
• Imperium Didcj Tyrid regit urbe profcday
■ ' ■ -f- longa eji injuria, longte
Ambages; fed fumv.a J:qiiar fafiigia rerum.
X Huic conJHx Sicha:us erat, diti£hnus agri
II Ilk Sichaeum,
Jmpius ante aras, atque auri circus amore,
Clam f err ineautum j'uperat, i
B 4 Cn!y
32 Virgil Travejiie. Book I.
Only for lucre of his Pelf,
Which he had thought t'have had himfelf,
' And fob'd Queen Dido off fome Seafon,
(Who cry'd and blubber'd outof reafon)
By telling her a Flim flam Prattle,
That he was gone to buy fome Cattle :
But on a Time, as without doubt.
Murder at fo?ne odd 'Time ixill out :
One Night as fhe did fleep and fnore,
As fhe had never flept before,
* Into her Chamber, Doors unlocking,
Comes me her Hufband without knocking,
A Link he in his Hand did brandiih.
His Face was paler than your Band is ;
Nearer he came, and would have kifs'd her, '
At which {[\e well iligh had bepifs'd her,
Put being a Ghoft of civil faihion.
He gave her Words of Confolation.
Quoth he, T murder'd am, my Jewel,
By Ways moil barbarous and cruel :
And for to faew I tell no Fibs,
3 Look what a Hole here's in my Ribs.
And if thou ilay'ft, that Rogue Pygmalion
J,ntends ro ufe thee like a Stallion :
* Therefore be gone, thou and thy Meany,
Eut leave the Rafcal ne'er a Penny
l£ agrcm.
(Muha tnaha/tmulansj ^and fpe lufit a7nantem.
* Ipfa fed in fomnis inhumati ^oenit imago.
CcJtjugis, ora modis attollens pallida miris :
— ^ TrajeQacj^iie pedora ferro
Nuda'vit,
"^ Turn celerare fugam, patridque excedere fitadet
Juxiliumque 'viis, 'vetcres tellure rechidit
Tliffaurcs, ignotum argenti pondus ^ auri.
Book I. Virgil Travejlie, 33
To blefs hlmfclf : it lies each Farthing,
In an old Buttt-r-pot i'lh' Garden,
s Dido at this, rifes up early.
And with her Servants very fairly,
"Not caring for Pygtnalion^s Curfes,
Steals all his Money-bags and Piirfes ;
* And in a Boat prepar'd o'th' nonce,
Shipt all his Goods away at once.
And got off fafe, whilft all this Gecr
Was order'd by a Waijlccateer.
6 At laft flie came with all her People,
*To yonder Town with the Spire Steeple,
And bought as much good feeding Gjoiind for
Five Marks, as fome would give five Pound for;
Where now ihe lives a Hufwife wary,
Has her Ground flockt, and keeps a Dairy :
7 And now, young Men, I pray ye, fhew me
Whence do ye come, or whither go ye ?
^ This being faid, our lufty Swabber
Croan'd like a Woman in her Labour,
^ His commota, fugam T)i6.0 focio/qtte parabat.
Conveiiiunt, qiiibus aut odium crudele tyranniy
Aitt ?n£tus acer erat : na'ves qua forte parat<Vy
Corripiunt, cneratilque aurc j portanier a-vari
Pygmalionis opes pdago ; Dux fcemiimjadi,
De'venere locos, ubi vunc ingentia ccrnes
Mania, futgenthnque nonja Carthnginis arcenty
Mercatique Jblum, fafii de nomine ByrJ'am,
Taurino quantum pojfcnt circumdare tcrgo.
7 Sed 'vos qui t undent ? quihus aut 'venijlis ah oris /*
^eove tenetis iter ? ^ ^ecrenti talibus ille
Sujpirans, im'oque trahcns a peSlore njocem :
O Dfa, ^ prima rcpetens ab origine pergatn,
Et 'vacet annahs nojlrorum audire laborum j
Afitc diem claufo amponet njffper Oljmpo.
B 5 And
34 Virgil I'-raveJlie. Book I.
And looking ruefully upon her.
Oh ! Dame, quoth he, brim full of Honour,
Should I begin my Story fpinning
From the firft End to th' laft Beginning,
I doubt to fiiiifli we fhould mifs time.
For it would laft till t'morrow this time.
9 We T'rojajis are of "T'roy-tovjn Race,
(If e'er you heard of fuch a Place ;)
* And I jEjieas fam'd in Fight ;
But much more for a Carpet-Knight :
Who bring along our Country-Gods,
A Company of fmoaky Toadr.,
Catch'd out o'th' Fire from the Greek,
When all the Town was of a Reek ;
And can derive my Pedigree,
(Although I fay't) with any He,
That is perhaps fuller of Pride,
Efpecially by th' Mother's fide.
Did my Fame never hither come ?
I'm talk'd of far and near at home ;
To tell you truly as a Friend,
■\ For Italy we do intend.
And put to Sea in paltry Weather,
I With twenty Pairs of Oars together :
9 NcsTxc^^3. antiqiia (Jt ^ejlras forte per aures
Trojs nomen iit ) -
* Sum pins ^neas, raptos qui ex hojfe Penates
Clcffe 'veho mecum, ———-
f Italiam giL-ero patriam Slf genus ah ]ovQfummo.
X Bis denis Phrygium confcendi navibus aquor,
Matre Ded monjirante ^iafn, data fata feMutus :
Viyfeptem convulfcs widts, Euroquefuperfunt,
Of
Book I. Virgil Travefiie, ^5
Of which there hardly are left feven.
Which put into the Shore laft Even.
* Fi'nus the while jEneas eying,
And feeing he could fcarce hold crying ;
Thus cut him off in courteous Faihion,
I'th' niiJft on's pitiful Relation .
^ Whoe'er thou art, take Heart I fay,
Ro7ne can't be built all on a Day ;
And tho' you've fuffer'd fome Difufters,
Vet let me tell you this, my Mailers,
'Tis a good Sign that thofe Gods love ye,
For all your hafte, that hi.her drove ye :
You might have walk'd your Pumps a pieces.
E'er light on fuch a Place as this is.
3 Go ye to \\C ^cen now out of Hand,
And fhow her how your Matters ftand :
She'll make you welcome for her Part :
She loves tall Fellows in her Heart :
♦ There, on my honeft Word, you'll meet
Your loft Companions, I forefee't ;
And have all Things that you could wifli,
' Or furely I was taught amifs :
(And I a Father had could make,
In time of need an Almanack)
Nee plura querent em
Fajfa Venus : medio Jtc interfata dolore eji :
* ^'A"^^ ^^t Z-^W f credo J innjifus cakftihui auras
Vitales carpi Si Tyriam qui ad'veneris urbem.
3 Perge mo do at que hinc te Regirtte ad limina perfer^
* Namque tibi reduces focios, clajfetnque relatan
htuntio,
* Nifrufira augurium van: docmre parentes*
B 6 Chear
^^ V I ft o I L Tmvrjlte. Book I.
Chear up your Hearts, your Spirits rally,
And ne'er Hand fooling fhall I, Ihall I,
But budge, jog on, beftir your Toes,
^ There lies your Way, follow your Nofe.
7 With that fhe turn'd to go away,
And did her freckl'd Neck difplay ;
By which, and by a certain WhifF,
Carae from her Arm-pits, or her Cliff,
And a fine Hobble in her Pace,
^neas knew his Mother's Grace :
* Mother, quoth he, why doft thou run thus ?
And with thy Mumming cheat thy Son thus ?
Why may we not fhake one another
By th'Hand, and talk like Son and Mother ?
Oh think upon our woeful Cafes,
Whilfl thus we wander in firange Places.
9 But fhe was gone, for when flie lift.
She foift away could in a Mift ;
■Nor could fhe tarry, to fay truly.
For fhe had made a Promife newly,
* To meet a Friend of her's to dally.
In a blind Street they call Ram-alley.
— __^ — I* — -^— i* I
* Perge mo Jo ; iff qua te ducit via, dirige grejjiim.
7 Dixit ; £ff avert ens rofed cervice refuljit ;
Jlmbrojiaque comce divimim njertice odorent
Spiravere ; pedes vejiis dejluxit ad imos ;
Et vera incejjii patuit Dea. Ille, ubi matrem
Agnovit, talifugientem eji voce fequutus :
* ^id natum toties crudelis tu quoque faljis
Jjudis imaginihus ? cur dextreejnngere dextram
i^on datiiVy ac veras audire, l^ reddere voces ?
9 At Venus ohfcuro gradientes aere fepjit.,
"Et multo nebula circum Dea fudit amiilu,
Cernere ne quis eos, neu quis contingere pojfetf
Mclirive moram, -
* Jpfa ^a^hum/ublimis abii, i^neas
Book I. Virgil Travejlie. 3/
^ncas then began to find,
That there was ibmething in the Wind ;
And faid, my Mother's a mad Shaver,
No Man alive knows where to have her;
But I'd as live as half a Crown,
We two could walk fo into th' Town.
Venus heard what he faid, for fhe
Could hear as far as we can fee ;
And in a Moment to befriend 'em.
Two Cloaks invifible did lend 'cm.
Thus cloakt, their Knavery to fhelter,
* Away they trudge it helter fkelter.
Until Aineas and his Friend,
Safely arriv'd at the Town's End.
* uEneas ftar'd about and wonder'd.
To fee of Houfcs a whole Hundred;
But when he faw the Folks were there.
He thought it had been Carthage-^ahx.
3 The Town was full all in a Pother,
Some doing one thing, fome another,
Some digging were, fome making Mortar,
Some hewing Stones in fuch a Quarter :
For they were all, as Story tells.
Building or doing fomething elfe :
* And to be fhort, all that he fees.
Were working bufily as Bees.
» Corripuere <viam intereut qua /emit a monfirat.
Jamque afcendebant collem, qui plurimus urbi
Imminet, ad<verfafque afpeclat dejuper arcts.
* Miratur molem ./Eneas, magalia quondam :
3 Inftant ardentes Tyrii j pars ducere muros,
Moltr'ique arcem, ij manibus ftih--volvere faxai
Pan apt are locum te^o, i^ concludcre fulco^
* ^alis apes ajlate nova perjiorea rura
Exsrcet /ub /ok labor, '■ / . ,. ' I'^^
38 Virgil Travcjlie. Book I.
5 I'th' middle of the Town there rtood
A goodly Elm o'ergrown with Wood : *
And under that were Stocks moft duly,
To lock them fall that were unruly :
There fat they down to eafe their Travel,
Picking their fweaty Toes from Gravel,
Andlook'd about as they lay lurking,
^ To fee the bufy Tynans working :
Eut none could fee them for their Spell,
They were fo hid, they might as well,
Tho' they had been never fo nigh 'em.
See through a double Door as fpy 'em.
"Near flood the Church, a pretty Building,
Plain as a Pike-ftafF without gilding,
I cannot liken any to it,
Unlefs't be Pancra:, if you know it.
7 This Church Queen Dido, 'tis related.
Built, and to Juno dedicated,
And-was beholden unto none.
But built it all, both Stick and Stone,
At her own proper Coft and Charges ;
No Chuich in the Country near fo large is :
It was well laid with Lime and Mortar;
For fo the Workmen did exhort her,
Eecaufe it would be fo much ftronger.
And fo, you know, would laft the longer :
i Lucus in urbefuit media, latijjimus umhra :
^ Infert fe Jeptus nebula, mirabile diilu,
Per medios, mi/cetque <viris ; neque cemitur ulli,
7 Hie templum Jur.oni ingens Sidonia Dido
Condebaty '■
II
Book I. Virgil Tra'tiejlie. 39
It had a Door pcg'd with a Pin,
To fliut Folks out, or let Folks in.
And in a pretty wooden Steeple,
A low Bell hung to call the People.
JEiicas and his Friend went thither,
Seeing a many Folks together,
Whofe miily Cloaks fo well did hide 'em.
That in they went, and no one fpy'd 'em.
*» But when they wondcr'd to behold
The Images fo manifold.
That flaring flood in fundry Places,
As if they would fly in their Faces :
Then quoth uftneas to's Comrade,
This Fellow Mailer was on's Trade,
That pidur'd thefe : Look, look, as I am
An honell Man, yonder's our Priam',
See where he Hands in Silk and Sattin,
As he could fpeak both Greek and Latin ;
Whoop, yonder's lieSor too, and Troilus.
Look thee, how there the Qra:dans foil us ;
9 And there our trufly Trojans do
Band them and pay them quid for quo.
Yonder Achilles gives a Rap,
With his Cock-feather in his Cap :
' Artificumque manus inter fe, operiimque labor em
Miratur ; videt lliacas ex ordine pugnas,
Bellaque jam famd tot urn -vtilgata per orbem ;
Airidas, Priamumque, l^f Jcevum ambobus Achillem.
Conftititt y laciymatis, ^is jam locus (inquit) Achate,
iP«<f regio in terris nojlri non plena laboris ?
.1 9 ^j! deb at, uti bellantes Pergama circum
Hac fugerent Graii, premeret TrojanajwventHS :
liac Phyges j injiaret iurru crijiatus Achilles.
And
40 Virgil Travejlie. Book I.
And yonder's one, for all's Bravado,
Knocks him with lufty Baftinado.
How came ihcfe here to be piclur'd thus ?
Sure all the World has heard of us.
' Whilll thus JEneas fad and muddy
Stood niufmg in a dark brown Study,
In comes Queen Dido, that fair Lady,
In Apron white, as on a May-day :
A Crew of Royfters waited on her.
Which there were call'd her Men of Honour :
All clad in fair blue Coats and Badges,
To whom Queen Dido paid good Wages.
* Ev'n as a proper Woman ihows,
When into Wake or Fair fhe goes.
Clad in her beft Apparel, fo
Queen Dido all this time did fhow.
And was fo brave a buxom Lafs,
That Ihedid all the Town furpafs.
Into the midft o'th' Church fhe marches.
And there betwixt a Pair of Arches,
Upon a Stool fet for the nonce.
She went to reft her Marrow-bones,
And on a Cufhion fluff 'd with Flocks,
She clap'd her dainty Pair of Docks.
' Ho'c dum Dardanio jEneae miranda 'videntur,
Jiumjlupet, obtutuque harct defixus in uno :
Rcgina ad templum forma pulcherrima Dido
JnceJ/it, magna juvenum Jiipatite catervd.
* ^alis in Eurotae ripis, aiit per juga Cynthi
Exercet Diatia chores, quam mille fequutce
Hinc atque hinc glomerantur Oreades ; ilia pharetrani
Fert burner Oy gradienfque Deas fupereminet omnes.
3 There
Book I. Virgil Traveftie. 41
J There Dido fat in State each Day,
To hear what any one could fay ;
Some to rebuke, and for to fmooth fome,
And give out Laws wholefome, or toothfome ;
To punifh fuch as liad Infulence,
And make them good Nolens or Folens :
And there likewife each Morning-tide,
She did the young Men's Tafk divide ;
Wherein great Policy did lurk,
Each knew his Jobb of Journey-work,
And fell about it without jangling :
But that which kept them moll from wrangling.
Was that they ftill drew Cuts to know,
Whether they fliould work hard or no :
And who had the longed Cut, and th' heft.
And flill more Work than all the reft.
''■ Here whilft JEmas fqueez'd and thruftis.
To fee Queen Dido doing Jultice :
Who ftiould he but his Fellows fpy.
Got into Didoes Company :
There Antheus was (no mortal fiercer)
And one Sergejius too, a Mercer,
With other Trojans \}<ci?X would vapour.
Cloanthus too, the Woollen-draper,
All which and forty Trojans more,
Were wonderfully got to Shore,
■ ■ ' III I Mil
J Turn fori bus Divee media tefiudine iempli.
Septa ar/nis, foliuqui alte ftibnexa re/edit ;
"Jura dahat, levejque 'viris, operumque laborem
Parti bus eequabat juflis, aut Jorte trahebat.
■>■ Cumfuhit^o jfEneas concurju acccdere magiio
Anlhea-, Sergejiianque vidct, fortentque Clonnthunti
Teucrorumque alios ; ater quos tequore turbo
Di/puhrai, penit'ufque alias ad%>e.xerai eras,
5 At
42 Virgil Tra^uejiie. Book I.
* At this uiEneas and liis Friend,
Were e'en almoft at their Wits End ;
Z'lid, yove forgive m • that I fwear.
Quoth he, how think'll, hovv came they here ?
Nay, quoth the other prcfently,
Aliens, what a Pox know I ?
^ JRneas was fo glad o;i's Kin,
He ready was to leap out on's Skin ;
And lb was the other, for in Sadnefs,
They were e'en mad 'twixt Fear and Gladnefs.
Eut yet it feems they were fo wife.
To keep 'em fafe in their Difguife,
Until their Friends had try'd the Opinions
Of the kind hearted Carthaginians .
7 At lail they faw one Ilioneust
A Trojan very Ceremonious :
A Youth of verv fine Condition.
A very pretty Rhetorician ;
One that could Write, and Read, and had
Been bred at Free-fchool from a Lad,
Thruft up to DiiiO in good Fafhion,
And thus begins his fine Oration :
^ O ^ceen, who here hail built a Village,
And keep'ft thy Ground in hearty Tillage,
^ Ohjiupidt fijnul ipfe , Jimul pcrculfus Achates.,
^ L^titiaque, rnetuqiie, a^oidi conjungere dextras
Ar deb ant ; fed res animos incognita turbat.
D'J/i?n};!a?it, tff nube caua Jpeculantur amiSlty
iihifS fortuna <viri: ;
7 PcJJquam iutrugi ejji, ij/ coram data copia fandit
Maxi7>:t(s llicncus placido fic peBore ccepit :
^ O Regina, nr,'vam cui condere "Jupiter urbe/Hy
yujiitiaque dedif gentes fra>iare j'uperbas ;
'■I roes te mijeri, "ventis tnaria omnia ^oediy
Oramus : Drohihe infatidos a 7iaziibus iones :
Parce pio gencri, ^ propius res ajpice vcjiras. O thou.
Book I. Virgil Travejiie. 43
O thou who haft the Royal Science
To govern Men as well as Lions,
Behold us here, who look like Men
New eaten and fpcw'd up agen ;
So fpitcfully has Fortune croft us.
So woefully the Seas have toft uc.
A few poor Trojans here you fee.
Even as poor as poor may be ;
Thrown on the Shore by Wind and Wefithcr,
TLl Luck, the Devil, and all together j
And humbly do befeech your Grace
To pity our moft woeful Cafe.
Your Men are all in hurly-burly.
And look upon us grim and furly ;
So that, if you be not good to us.
They'll burn our Boats, and quite undo us :
Therefore v/e pray you fend fome one.
To bid 'em let our Boats alone.
9 Alas, we come not to purloin,
Lithir your Cattle or your Coin,
Neither to filch Linen or Woollen,
Nor yet to fteal away your PuUen ;
W'have no fuch knavifti Ends as thefo.
But only to beg Bread and Checfe.
* We were hard rowing to a Place,
A hardifli Kind of Name it was,
9 Non Ttoj ant f err lybicos popnfare Penates
Venimus, aut rapt as ad lit or a 'vcrttre pradas :
Kon tvi -vis animo, nee tanta Juperbia 'v'lCiis.
* Eji Ic( us ( Hefperiarn Graji eognc?nine dicunt)
Terra antiqua, patens armis, atque uhere gleha ;
Ocnotr'il cdluere 'vir't : nunc fama, minor es
Italiatn dixij'e, ducts de nomine, gent em.
Hue curjusfuit : Where
44 Virgil Traveftie. Book I,
Where once your what fhall's call'ums (rot 'em,
It makes me mad I have forgot 'em)
liv'd a great while ; but now, d'ye fee,
'Tis known by th' Name of Italy :
* When on a fudden one Orion
Powder'd upon us like a Lion,
And fquander'd us on Flats and Shelves,
Enough to make us drown ourfelves :
So that of Sixfcore-Men, and deft ones.
Even here, O Qneen, are all that's left on's.
* Then what fhould ail your Tjrians thus
To fcrowl and look afkew at us j
wliere the Devil were they bred ?
Sure ranker Clowns ne'er liv'd by Bread !
And for to tell your Grace my Thought,
1 think they're better fed than taught j
For (as 1 am an honeft Man,
Let 'em deny it if they can)
3 No fooner landed we to bait us,
But that the Rogues threw Cow-turds at us :
But, ^.een, I hope, thoul't teach the Wretches
Henceforth to meddle with their Matches.
* Cum fubito ajfiirgens fitiSlu minhofus Orion
In 'vada cceca tulit, peniiu/que procacibus Aujlris,
Ph-que iindas, Juperante Jalo, perquc intna Jaxa
Dijpulit ; hue pauci 'vejlris adnauimiis oris.
^ ii^od genus hoc hominum ? qu^e ue hunc tarn barbara 7Korem
Permitiit patria ? ^ Ho/pitio prohihemur arena :
Bella cient, primdque 'vetant conjijfere terra.
Book I. Virgil Travejlie. 45;
♦ jEneas once did us command,
A taller Fellow of his Hand,
Nor honefter, ne'er did, or (liall
DrPAV up a Trapllick to a Wall.
If he but live, and tliat already
He be not drowned in fomc Eddy,
You of your Coll: will ne'er repent you.
For to a Penny he'll content you-.
* Look then o'th' Trojans and befriend 'era.
Let's draw our Boats aihore and mend 'em.
We'll promife you that if we meet
Our Captain with the reft o'th' Fleet,
And if he be not turn'd t' a Gudgeon,
We towards Italy will trudge on :
6 And if that he fhall flill be lacking,
Then back again we'll ftraight be packing.
7 Diiio, like Woman of good Falhion,
Gave fpecial Heed to his Relation,
* Rex eraf JEnCRS fioh's ; quo jujlior alter
Nfc pietate ftiit, nee belli major., l5 arntis ;
^em ft fata 'virumfer'vant, Ji 'vefcitur aura
jEthered, necque adhuc crudehhus occubat utnbrisy
Not! nut us y o^cio nee te certdJJ'e prioreni
Pee nit eat. •
5 ^ajfatam -i/tntis liceat fubduccre clajfem^
Et JyH'is apt are trabes, k^ Jl ringer e remos ;
Si datur Italiam, fociis iff rege recepto,
^endere ; ut Italiam liCti, Latiiimque petamus :
^ Sin abfumpta falusy iff te, pater opt i me Teucrutttf
Pont us habet Lybiee, nee /pes jam rejiat lull :
At fret a Sicanite J'altem, fedefqjie paratas,
Vnde hue ad-vedi, regemque pttainus Aeejien.
7 Turn bre'viter Dido, 'vuhum demiffa, profatur :
Solvite corde metum, Teueri, fecludite curas.
Pes dura, iff Regni no'vitas me taHa cogunt
Mo/iri, . «■■ ■
4.6 Virgil Traz-e/lie. Book I.
And all the while he did relate it,
Mumpt like a Bride that would be at it.
At laft when he had told his Tale,
Mantli p- like Mare in Martino-ale,
She thus reply 'd, Trojans be cheary,
Pluck up your Hearts, and reft you merry ;
Our Town-folks here are fomething wary.
Not that they any Ill-will bear ye ;
For they are very honeft Fellows,
But that of late a Chance befel us.
To tell you tiue, the other Day,
"When then all my Folks were gone to th' Hay,
A lufty Rafcal, fach a one
As one of you (Difpraife to none)
Comes into th' Yard, and off the Hedge,
Where all our Cloaths were hung to bleach.
Whips me a Brand-new Flaxen Smock,
The very beft of all my Stock;
And runs away wi't in a Trice :
('T had ne'er been on my Back pafi: twice ;
But you, I know, fuch Bafenefs fcorn.
You all are Men well bred and born ;
* Who has not heard o'th Trojan People,
And o( ^jieas and his Swipple ?
Nor fhall you Hnd us Dames of Tyre,
So far remov'd from Phcebus' Fire,
But we can cherifh lufty Yeomen,
And carry Toys like other Women.
* ^is genus JEneadum, qiiis Troj<e 7iefclat urhemf'
Virtutejque, ^iroj'que, aut tanta incendia belli?
Non obtitfa adeo gejiamus pediora Pceni j
'tlec tgm ai-er/us equos Tyria Soljungit ab urbe.
9 Therefore
Book I. Virgil Travejiie, 47
9 Therefore you fhall, whether you go
Straight on to Italy, or no ;
Or whether you row on the Main,
To your own Pari(h back again ;
Have what you want, n(n- will I dun ye.
But pay me when you can get Money ;
* But if you tarry here, this Towa
That now I build (hall be your own ;
And be as free you Trojans fhall.
As any Tyrian of 'em all.
A Man's a Man, as I have read,
Though he have but a Hofe on's Head :
f And I could wifh that the fame Weather
That blew your tatter'd Scullers hither.
Would blow JEneas hither too,
And then there were no more to do,
J But I'll fend out my Men ; who knows,
But he may now be picking Sloes
In our Town^woods, or getting Nuts,
For very Need to fill his Guts ?
II jEiuas in his mifty Cloak,
Heard every Word Queen Bido fpoke.
9' Seu nios Hefperiam magnanty Saturniaque arifUi
Sinje Ery CIS fines, regemque op tat is Acefien^
Auxilio tutos dimittam, opihu/que jwvabo.
* Fukis iff his mecum pariter conjidere regtiis ?
Urbem quam jiatuo, vejira eji ; fubducite naves >
7ros, 'Tyriiijque mihi nulla difcrimine agetur.
•f- Atque utinatn Rex ip/e Noto compuljus eodem
jifforet iEneas !
—— X Per litora certos
Dimittam, & Libya lufirare extrema jubeho ;
Si quibus eje^us Jyl-visy aut urbibus errat.
11 His animum arreSii diiiis, ^ fortis Achatet^
Et Pater i£neas, jamdudttm (rump«r$ nubtm
Ardtbam . Hci
4^ Virgil ^ravejiie. Book I.
Her Honey Words made his Mouth water.
And he e'en twitter'd to be at her:
But he was fo o'erjoy'd, he flood
Like a great Sloven made of Wood ;
And could not fpeak (though he was willing)
Would one have gave him forty Shilling.
» At lail his Friend jog'd him with Hand,
Hov/ like a Lcgger-head you ftand !
Quoth he, for certainly I think,
Thou'rt either mad, or in thy Drink :
Doll thou not fee our Friends all round.
Excepting one whom we faw drown'd ;
And all as well as Heart can wilh.
And yet thou ftand'ft as mute as Fifli !
^ Scarce he had fpoke, butoiFhe threw
His Mantle made of Mills fo blue.
And flood as plainly to be fcen
As any there, God hle/s the ^een.
J For's Mother had fo dizen'd him.
That he fliould fhew both neat and trim ;
Tho' (truly !) he v/as but an odd Man,
Splay-mouth'd, crump-lhoulder'd, like the God P<3;^ .'
Yet could he not i'th' Nick invent
Her Majefty a Compliment :
■» Prior j^neam compellat Achates :
; Nate Ded, qu(e nunc animo fententia fur git ?
Omnia tuta njides ; claj^eyn, fociofque receptos.
Vnus ahejlt medio in f.uilu quern vidimus ipji
Submerjum : ■
* Vix ea fatus erat, cum circumfufa rcpente
Scindit fe nubes, k^ in cethera pur gat apertum :
' I Refiitit j^neas, claraque in luce refuljit,
3 Os humerbjque Deo Jimilis ; namque ipfa decoram
Cafariem nato genitrix, lumenque jwuentce
Furpureumy (^ lata oculis affidrat honores. But
Uook I. Virgil TvAvejlie. 45
But fcratch'd his Head, and 'gan to fputter.
His Elbow rubb'd, and kept a Clutter,
Mopping and mowing, till at laft.
All Difficulties over-palt,
* In Courtly Phrafc it thus came out :
Madam (quoth he) your humble Trout :
That fame jEneas whom you prize thus.
Is here without Deceptio vifus :
1 that fame very Man am here.
And come to tafte of your good Cheer;
* O Dido, Primrofeof Perfedlion,
Who only granted kind Proteftion
To wand'ring Trojans, how fhall we
E'er pay thee for this Courtefy !
We never can, my dainty Friend,
Then let Jove do't, and there's an End.
3 Thus having ended his fine Speech,
Towards the Queen he turn'd his Breech ; 'Yi
And fpoke to's Men, fays, Lads, how is't f
Come, give me every one a Fiit ;
' •J'umjic Reginam alloquitur, citncl'i/que repetite
Impro<vi/us ait ; Coram, quern quaritis, adjum
Troitii ^^neas, ■
* O /ola infandos Troja miferata lalores,
^iee vos, relliquias Dar.aiim, terrteque, mati/que
Omnibus exhaujlos jam cajibus, omnium egC7iosy
l.Jrbe domo J'ocias. Grates perj'ohjere dignas
Non opis eji mjlrar. Dido ; ?iec quicquid iibique eji
Centis Dardania, magnum quttjparfa per orbem.
Dii tibi (Ji qua pios rej'peiiant numina, Jiquid
Ufquam jujlitia eji, et mens Jibi cenfcia reclij
Precmin dignaferant, . ■ ,
■^ Sic fat us, ami cum
Ilionea petit dextra, la'vaque Serejium ;
P^vft, alios, fortemqut Gjati, fortemque Chant bum>
C How
kr> Virgil Travejlie. Book I.
How doft thou, Guy, and Sirs, how d'ye ?
Now by my Troth, I'm glad to fee ye j
'Tis better being here I trow,
Than where we were a while ago,
No longer fmce than Yeftejday :
Welcome to Tj7-e as I may fay.
With that to fhaking Hands they fall,
And he moll friendly Ihak'd 'em all :
Surely he was no Counterfeiter,
No Bandog could have fhak'd 'em better.
''■ Queen Dido, ravifli'd to behold
The Carriage Aveet of this Springold,
Star'd for a while as fhe'dlook through him,
And tnen thus broke her Mind unto him :
5 O thou who haft fo finely been bred.
And com'd art of fuch honed Kindred,
By whatfaange Luck haft thou been hurry'd,
As if the Fates would thee have worry'd :
'Tis ftrange thou haft not burft thy Hoops,
Thou'ft been fo bang'd about the Stoops.
* Art thou jEneas with ih'great Ware
So famous for a Cudgel-player,
Whom Venus, with her fine Devices,
Eore that old Knocker, good Anchife$ ?
7 My Father Eclus went with.Tifaffr,
(I think he had not many fprucer)
4 Obfiipuit primo afpeBu Sidonla Dido,
Caju deinde -viri tanto, i£ fee ore Iccula eft :
* i^'/J tc, ncite Ded, per i ant a pericula cafus
Injtqultur ? qats I'is imtnaniius applicat oris ?
^ Ttuiei/k Jtjnea.s, qucm Dnrdanio Anchiix.
Alma Venus Phrygii genuit Simoentis ad undam ?
7 Atque equidL?n "-Teucrum memini Sidona ^uenire,
Finiirus expuljum patriis , ncva regr.apetentem
Auxilio iicli. - To
Book I. Virgil Travejfie. 51
To take Poflblfionof an Ifland,
That was fomc twenty Rood of Dry-land.
' And he ftill gave great Commendations
Of Trojans 'bove all other Nations ;
He could have nam'd you all by dozens.
And told me you and he were Coufms.
Therefore, young Men, \.o Carthage yOM
Are welcome without more ado :
1 have myfelf (I'd have you know) ;
Been driven to my Shifts e'er now,
And therefore, in rny Jurifdidlion,
Pity a Beaft that's in Afflidlion :
> With that fhe flretched forth a Hand
So white, It mvuie jEneas ^znd
Amaz'd to fee't (for know that fhe
Still walh'd her Hands in Chamber-lee)
And led uEneas in kind l-'aihion.
Towards her Grace's Habitation j
And made a Curtzy at the Door,
And pray'd liim to go in before :
But henjoft courteoufly cry'd, no,
I hope I'm better bred than fo;
But, let him fay wliat he fay could.
Dido fwore Faith and Troth he fliould :
' Ipfe hoJ}is Teucros infigni laudt ferthat ;
Seque ortiitn antiquaTettcrcrum ajiirpe 'volebat.
9 j^are agite, 6, teSiis, juvenes, Juccedite nojlrii.
Me quoquet per multos fimilis fcrtuna labores
Jadatofn, hac demum 'vcluit conjtjlcre terra.
Nov ignara tnali miferii fuccurrere dijco.
* Sic memorat ; Jimul i^nean in regia due it
T»aa :
C 2 Well
52 Virgil Travejlie. Book I^
Well (quoth jEneas) T fee ftlU
Women and Fools muft have their Will :
And thereupon, without more talking.
Enters before her proudly ftalking.
Scarce were they got within the Doors,
But Dido call'd her Maids all Whores,
And a great Co\l and Scolding kept,
Becaufe the Houfe was not clean fwept.
* Then all in hafte away flie fends
Vi£luals unto uEneas' Friends ;
Peafe Porridge, Bacon, Pudding, Sowfe,
O'th' very bell Ihe had i'th' Houfe :
Butter and Curds, and Cheefes plenty.
To fill their Guts that were full empty.
Bidding them eat, and never fave it.
But call for more, and they fliculd have it.
J This being done, the duinty Queen
Conducts the Trojans further in ;
Into a Parlour neat {he takes 'em.
And there moft fairly welcome makes *em :
She Jei-v'd 'em Drink and Viftuals up.
As long as they would eat or fup ;
Whilft each one there fo play'd the Glutton,
That he was forced to unbutton.
No fooner had the Trojans bold
StufF'd their Guts full as they would hold ;
* l^c minus interea fociis ad litora mitt it
Viginti tanros, magnorum horrentia ctntutn
Tergafuivn., pingucs centum cum matribus agnos i
^ At domus interior regaJi fphndida luxii
Jnjhuitur : mediij'qi4e parent con'vi'via te^iu
£ut
Book I. Virgil ^raveftie. 53
But x.\\z\. ^^neas ftraight begun,
■♦ All to bethink him of his Son.
* Now you muft know that he had had * See Ser-
A Wench, and by tha| Wench a Lad : i<ius upon
The Lafs Crcufa had to Name, VirgiL
Whcm, (be it fpokeu to their Shame)
TJie Greeks when firft they took Troy City,
Did thruft to Death, without all Pity;
Firft of that Sex fure, in fair Jufting,
That ever fufFer'd Death by thrufting.
5 His Son yJfcanius hight, a Page,
About fome dozen Years of Age,
This Boy jEr.eas icnt Achates
To fetch (quoth he) fince we feed gratif.
Why fhould not now my little Baftard,
(That I dare fwear would prove no Daftard)
Come to Queen Dido's Houfc, and feaft.
As we have done, o'th' very beft ?
Go fetch him then, ^ and let him bring's
Out of my Cofter thofe gay Things
I fav'd at Troy ; which for their Finenefs
He fliall prefent unto her Highnefs.
There is a Riding-hood and Safe-guard
Of yellow Lace, bound with a Brave-guard,
♦ Omnis in Afcanio charijiat cura parentis.
5 iEneas — rapidum ad na-ves pr^ttnittit Achatem ;
Afcanioyirfl/ hac-, ipfumque ad mocnia ducat.
^ Munera praterea, Iliads trepta ruinis,
Ferre jubet \ pallam Jignis, auroque 'vigentem,
Et circumtextum croceo rjelamen Acantho ;
Ornatus Argiva; Helenx ; ^uos ilia Myccnis,
Pergama cum peteret, inconaj/o/que Hymen?eas,
Extulerat : <
C 3 Which
54 Virgil Travejiie. Book I.
Which Helen wore the very Day
That Paris ftole her quite away.
7 Then there's a DiftafF neatly wrought.
That Paris too for Helen bought.
For carved Works fit to be feen.
Betwixt the Legs of any Queen.
And then there is a fair great Ruff,
Made of a pure and coftly Stuff,
To wear about her Highnefs' Neck,
Like Mifs Cocnnrys in the Peak ;
And laft a Quoif, wrought gorgeoufly
With Tinfel, and Blue Co-ue-ritry :
Then go as fall: as th' canft, I prithee,
And bring him and thefe Prefents with thee.
^ Away goes he, as he was bidden,
Running as faft as if h'had ridden ;
But Venus that fame cunning Dame,
Had yet another Trick to play 'em. -
y S e had no very good Op'nion
Of your LO fmooth-toiigu'd Carthaginian :
No • kiievv {he but tlie Queen might be
As iu!i of Crafc as Courtefy ;
' Ai;d fhe was fure that Juno would
Do all the Mifchief that Ihe could ;
7 P rater ea fceptrufny Ilione quod gejfe rat olim.
Maxima natarum Priami, ccll'oque monile
BaciO-tum, is diiplicem gemmis auroque coronam.
^ Hac celcranSi iter ad nafcs tendehat Achates.
At Cyiherea nouas artest no'ua pc^ore <verjat
Conftiia : — '
9 Shiifpe domujn tijnet a'lnlignamj Tyriofque hilingues.
' Unt atrox June,— -=——-»
Ther-fo;-'.
Book I. Virgil Travcjiie. 55
Therefore fhe in all hade did run
T' a Boy call'd Cupid was her Son.
This Cupid was a little Tiny,
Cogging, Lying, Pcevifli Nyny ;
No Inggcr than a good Point Tag,
But yet a vile unhappy Wag:
He ne'er would go to Schoel, but play
The Truant ev'ry other Day :
Run Men into the Breech with Pins,
Throw Stones at Folks, and break their Shins ;
Kill People's Hens, and Ileal their Chicks,
And do a thoufand Roguy Tricks :
But with a Bow the Shit-breech Elf
Would ihoot like Rohir: Hood Iiimfelf ;
And had, I warrant, ev'ry Dart
Poifon'd with fuch a fubtle Art,
That where they hit, their Pow'r was fo,
It made Folks love, would they or no ;
And for this Trick the hopeful Youth
Was call'd. The God of Lo-ve, forfooth.
To this young 'Squire Dame Venus trotted,
As 1 (if you have not forgot it)
Tcld you before, and thus begun
To flatter up her gracelefs Son :
"^ My Golily Locks (quoth flie) my Joy,
My pret.y little tyny Boy ;
Tliy Mother Fenus comes to ihee
T' implore thy little Deity.
* Gii::'r, mseenjires, mea magna pctvitia folusy
Gn ' s fumni:, ^ui ina Tyj^hiiA temms ;
Md tc confugioy i^ Jupplex tua niimina pojco.
C4 J Th
fj6 Virgil Trazejlie. Book I.
3 Thou know'ft as well as any other.
How jfuno vile has us'd thy Brother,
Our poor JEneai ; what a Clatter
She made to drown him on the Water ;
Nay, fhe would do more Mifchief ftill.
If the curft Queen might have her Will.
4 j¥!tieas now is at a Place, ;
Call'd CarthaP-e, with a handfome Lafs,
Queen Dido nam'd, where now he is
Made on as much as Heart can wifh ;
5 But left the Queen fhould change her Mind,
As Weather-cocks do with the Wind,
And thorough Juno's Wiles, at laft,
Shew him a Woman's flipp'ry Caft :
My pretty Archer, let us two
Shev/ th2 proud Slut what we can do.
My Sen uE^'.cns does difpatch
Achates to tlie 'U'harf, to fetch
My little Grand-child, who muft com?
To fup in Didoh Dining'-room.
New fince that thus in fhort the Cafe is.
And that thou canft fo well cut Faces;
3 Fratcr ut iEneas pclago tuus omnia circum
Littrajaadur, cdiis Junonis iniquart
I}lota tiki : —
4- //««.' Phceniffa /<f;;f/ Dido, hland'ifque moratw
Vodhus : Cif i'(reor, quo fe Junonia ^ertant
Ho/pitia ; hand tanto cejj'ahit cardine rrrtan.
5 i^ioa'rca capere ante dolis, l5 civgere fiammA
Reoiuatn medit-jr, m quo J} numivc mutei ;
I would
Book I. V I R c 1 L Traveflie, 57
« 7 I would have thee to fet thy Pbys-
Nomy in fuch a Shape as his :
And go along as meek and mild
As any litdc fucking Child :
When thou com'ft there, I know the Queen
Will clip and kifs thee Cheek and Chin ;
Dandle, and give thee Figs and Raifons,
Then niuft tiiou play thy petty Treafons,
Lick her Lips, Flatter her, and Cog,
And fet her Highnefs fo o'th' Gog,
That Fame and Honour fhe may go by,
And let yEneas firk her Toby.
* This is my Plot, and that nought crofs it,
I'll make the Child a lleeping PofTet j
And when he's faft, I will him hide,
I'th' Top o'th' Garret upon Ide.
9 Cupidy who Mifchief lov'd, I think,
Better by half than Meat or Drink,
Without all manner of Reply,
Prepares him for his Roguery.
Faciem mutatus iff era Cupido
Pro dulci Afcanio njeniat^
7 Tu faciem illius, ncilem non amplius itnamt
Falle doh ; l^ notns piari puer indue vuUus :
Ut, cum te gremio accipiet Icetijjlma Dido,
Regales inter men/as., laticemque Lysum,
Citm dabit amplexus, atgue ofculn dukiaf.git.
Occult urn in/pires ignem, fallafque i;eneno.
' Hunc ego fopitum fomno, fuper aha Cythera
Jlut fuper \di?X\Vim facratu J'ede reccndatn.
? Paret Amor diilis chara genltriciu ^ (*^as
Exuit, l^ grejfu gandins incedit \\x\i.
V.
C5 Hi«
5^ Virgil Traveflie. Book I.
His Wings he from his Shoulders throws,
Becaufe thoy'd not go into's Clothes ;
And drcfs'd hiinfelf to fuch a Wonder,
That none could know the Lads afunder.
» But Fe^iis gave th' other a Sop,
Th?.t made him fleep like any Top ;
And whilft he taking was a Nap,
She laid him neatly in her Lap,
And carry'd him t'a Houfe that ftood
Upon a Hill near to a Wood :
And when fhe had the Urchin there.
She laid him up in Lavender.
^ In the mean time, Sir Cupid goe^.
To th' Court in young luluj' Clothes ',
3 Who fhould he fee, when he came there,
^ut Dido fitting in a Chair,
Pth' midft of all the Trojcm Blades,
Vap'ring and fwearing at her Maids !
Under her Feet a Cricket flood.
Whereupon fne ilamp'd as fhe were Wood ;
And iikewife there was finely put
A Cufhion underneath her Scut.
' At Venus h^czxCxo placidam per membra quiitem
Jrrigat ; l^ fotum grcmio Deatollit in altos
Idaliffi lucos : ubi mollis amnracm ilium
Flor'bus y dulci afpirans comple&itur umbra.
^ "Jamque ibat diiio parens, ■ ■
3 Ci'.m 'venit, aulceis jam fe regina Juperbis
/.•una compojuit fpondci, mediamque locanjit.
"^ urn pater ^Eneas, \^ jam Trojana.ju'ventus
CoTt"j£Kiiitit, firatoque fiiper dij'cumbitur oflro..
There
Book I. Virgil Travejlie.
There as (he fat upon lier Crupper,
4 She bad her Folks to bring in Supper,
And in they brou'rht a thundTing Meal,
Great Joints of Mutton, Pork, and Veal,
Hens, Geefe, and Turkies, Ducks, and Cufiards,
And at tlie lafl, Fowls, Flawns, and Buftards :
The Trojans eat and make good Cheer,
Tunning themfelves with Ale and Eeer ;
There was old Drinking then and Singing,
And all the while the Bell was ringing :
One would have thought, by the great Feaft,
'T liad been a Wedding at the leaih
Whilft thus they Eat, and Drink, and Chat,
5 Cupid, that little cogging Brat,
So cunning was in counterfeiting,
jEjieas thought him on's own getting.
At lafl. Queen Dido in her Lap,
Sets me the Mountebanking Ape,
And kifs'd his Lips all on a Lather,
And thus befpeaks the new-made Father :
By th' Mack (quoth fhe) thou Trojan trufty.
Thou got'lt this Boy wlicn thou wert lufty ;
And any one that does but note him,
May foon know who it was begot him ;
59
* ^inquaginta intu$ famula;, quihus ordine longo
Cura pcfiumjlruere, \£ Jla7nmis adulcre Pcruites.
Centum alue, totidemque pares at ate minijlri,
^ui dapibus rr.enjas onerent, i> pociila ponant.
' Ilk, ubi co?nplexu JEntx, colloque pepe/iditf
Et magnum fi.lji irnplenjit genito^.s amor em.,
Reginam petit \ hetc oculis, hac peciore toto
Hceret : l5 interduni grcmio fouet infcia Dido,
Inf.uiat quamu! tnijeru: Dcus. ••
C6
I dare
6o V i R G I L TfavejVe. Book I.
I dare be Avorn 'twas thou did'ft get him.
He's e'en as like thee as th' hadft fpit him.
6 Whilft thus the Youth ihe kifs'd and dandl'd,
Cw/'/V/had Co the Matter handl'd,
Tliat iTie began, upon a fudden,
To feel a longing for White Pudden.
7 When they had fupp'd, and that the Waiters
Had Trenchers ta'en away, and Platters ;
* Up from her Chair Queen Di^o ftarts,
And takes a Mug that held two Quarts
Of Drink, that (lie, with much forbearing.
Had fav'd long fince for her Sheep-lhearing :
And thus begins* Here, Sirs, here's to you,
And, from my Heart, much good may do you ;
9 JEneas, here's a Health to thee,
■fo .~— — and to good Company ;
And he that will not pledge me fairly,
And name the Words as I do barely j
I do pronounce him to be no Man,
And may he never tickle Woman.
» With that fne fet it to her Nofe,
And off at once the Rwnkin goes ;
^ • At iJicvior ille
Mcitris AcldalisE, paulatim abolere Sichxuin
inapity y 'vi'vo tentat pres'vertcre a/ncre
yampridim rcjides cmimos
-■ Poftquam prima quies epulis, menfceque retnoia J
Crateras magnos Jiatuiint , \^ njina cc,rona?ii.
* Hie Regina gravemgemmis, auroque popo/cit,
hr.ple^'itque mero patcra7n : quern Belus, ^ omnes
A ^do/oliii
9 Adjit leeiitia Bacchus dator, & bona Juno
Et -cOS, ccetiim, Tyrn, celebrate fwvcntes.
» Dixit, l5 in men/a laiicum liba<vit hcnoremy
Primnque libato fummo tmui attigit ore.
Nf
Book I. Virgil Travejlie, 61
No Drops befides her Muzzle failing,
Until that flie had fapp'd it all in :
Then, turning't * Topfey on her Thumb, * Jlias
Says, Look, here's Supernaculum. Kclty.
jEneasy as the Story tells.
And all the relt did blefs themfelves,
To fee her troll off fuch a Pitcher,
And yet to have her Face no richer.
By Jo'-ue (quoth he) knocking his Knuckles)
J'd not drink with her for Shoe- buckles :
But, Madam (fays he) fweetly bowing,
1 hope your Grace does not make * Plowing : * Ending
For if you do at this large rate, one^ and
There will be many an aking Pate : beginnings
* With that he took a lufty Swimmer. another.
Here, Sirs (quoth he) I drink this Brimmer,
In kind Return for our Prote£tions,
Unto Queen Didoh bell Affeftions.
3 Down went their Cups, and to't they fell.
Roaring and fwaggering pell-mell,
* Whilil a blind Harper did advance,
That wore Queen Didoh Cognizance,
A Minftrel that Icpus hight.
Who play'd and fung to them all Night:
He fung them Songs, Ballads, and Catches,
Of Men's Devices, Women's Patches ;
lUe impiger haujit
Spumantem pateram, ^ plena feproluit auro.
3 Pyi alii proceres,
* '■ ' - Cithara crinitus lopas
Per/onat aitrata, docuit qua maximus AtlaSt
Hi( canit (r rant em Lwnam, ^ i- ■
With
6 2 Virgil Trave/tie. Book I.
V/itli ancient Songs of high Renown,
And even one they call Troy-To'-vjn :
At chat ^neas fliak'd his Noddle,
As one would do an empty Bottle :
(Quoth he) if he that wrote this Ditty
Had been with us i'th' midft o'th' City,
V/hen Faggot-fticks flew in Folks Chops,
And knock'd Men down as thick as Hops,
I do believe, for all's fine Chiming,
He would have had fmall Mind of Rhiming :
Yet, for to give the Devil's Due,
Whoe'er it was, the Ballad's true.
s From Dido then a Belch did fly,
?Tis thought fhe meant it for a Sigh,
And Tears ran down her fair long Nofe;
The Queen \v2i%. maudlin, I fuppofe,
6 (Quoth fhe) jEneas, out of Jelling,
Thou needs muft tell, at my Requelling,
All the whole Tale of Trofs Condition,
Since firft you troubled was with Grecian ;
HeJiorh great Frights, and Priamh Speeches,
And eke defcribe Achilles' Breeches,
How ftj ong he was when he did grapple.
And if Tydides* Horfe were dapple :
Tell me, I fay, of Paris' Lech'ry,
The Grecians Quarrel, and their Treach'ry,
5 Infelix Dido, longumque hibebat amorem ;
*> Muha fi'.per Priamo rogiiansi Juper Hedore multai
Nunc, qi.ikus Aurora; ^tnijjet fdius ar?nis\
Nunc, qualesT)\Oii\Gdh tqui ; nunc, ^z^^7«/«/ Achilles :
Imo age, iff a prima die, bojpes, origine nobis
Jnjidias, inquit, Danaum, cajufque tuorumy
Errore/que tuQS • ■
Vour
Book I. Virgil Travejlie.
Your Challenges, your Fights, and Battles,
And how you loft your Goods and Chatties,.
And to what Places you have wander'd.
E'er fince you were (o bafcly fquander'd :
All thefc Things would I know moft duly,
Then tell me fpeedily and truly.
63
Tl'e End of the firjl BOO K,
S C J R'
SCAR RONID ES:
OR,
Virgil Traveftie.
A
M O C K.P O E M
In Imitation of the
FOURTH BOOK
O F
FIRGIUs JEnds,
1 71 Englijlj B U R L E S Q^U E.
^y CHARLES COTTON, Efq/
The Fourteenth Edition.
[ «7 ]
VIRGIL
T R A V E S T I E.
Tlic Fourth Book.
N this FoimU Book we find it written,
That Dido Queen was deeply fmitten ;
Much taken with the Trojan\ Perfon,
Than which a properer was fcaice one :
Much of his Breeding did (he reckon :
But that which ftab'd her was his Weapon ;
For which flie did {o fcald and burn.
That none but he could ferve her turn.
- The Sun, that fpruce light-headed Fellow,
With frizel Locks of fandy Yellow,
' At Regina gran}': jamdudum faucia cur a
Vuhius alit -venisy Cif cceco carpUiir igni,
MiiUa njiri vii ins a/iimo, mullnjque rectirfat
Gentis hoiiosy horrent i/ijixi peciore vultus,
Verbaque ; nee placidam inmbris dit cura quiet em.
» Pojlera PhcchcXIu/trabat Lamp^ide terra >,
l{!i7n:nteinque Aurora polo dimoverat lunlram ;
Chn Jic toianimem alUquitur male fana Jcrorem,
The
68 Virgil Travcfiie, Book I.
The Windows crept by Radiation,
Like Son begot in Fornication,
When Dido, mad to go to P*lan,
Juft thus befpoke her Sifter Nan :
3 I've been all Night (quoth fhe) my Nancy^
So ftrangely troubl'd in my Fancy,
I could not reft t'U Morning-peep,
Odd Dreams have fo diilurb'd my Sleep :
* What a ftout Stripling's this jEneas^
That thus has crofs'd the Seas to us :•
I do believe, nay, dare fwear for him.
No mortal Woman ever bore him j
5 But fome Great Lady in the Sky,
That nurs'd him up with Furmity,
I hate a bafe cowardly Drone,
Worfe than a Rigil with one Stone :
But this bold Trojan I delight in,
•5 How bravely does he talk of Fighting i
I tell thee, Nancy, were't not that
Folks would be apt to talk and prate.
Should I fo foon new Suitors have,
7 My Huftjand yet fcarce cold in's Grave ; *
' Anna for or, qua mefufpenfam infomnia terretit !
* ^is no'vus hie nojirisfuccejjitfcdibus hofpes !
^em fefe ore ferens ! quamforiipeSore, l^ armis f
5 Credo equidem (nee 'V ana fides) genus ejje Deorum,
Degcneres animos timor arguit. ^ Heu qui bus ille
Jadatusfatis ! ^a bclla exhaufia canebat t
7 Ne ciii me 'vinc'lo 'vellemfoe'uzre jugali,
Pofiqunm primus amor dcecptam 9ncrtc fefdlit ;
Si non pertaifum thalajni, tedeequeftajjet^
Kuic uni for/an pofui fuceunhe*--: cu^pcs.
Ana
Book I. Virgil Travejiie. 69
And were I not with my firil Honey
Half tir'd as 'twere with Matrimony ;
I could, with this fame Youngller tall.
Find in my Heart to try a Fall.
' I muft confefs, fince that fad Seafon
Pygmulion cut my Hulband's Wcazon :
This only (not to mince the Matter)
Has made my Jiggambob to water :
9 But may I firlt, I Jo-ve implore.
Sink thorough this my Chamber-floor,
Down quick into the Cellar's Bottom,
E'er I commit the Thing you wot on ;
Or any Thing by LulVs Snggeftion,
' That my good Name may bring in qucflion,
^ Which faid, Ihe wept in manner ampler.
Than Girl new whipt for lofing Sampler.
Kan in her Anfwer was not long,
F«r nimble Baggage of her Tongue
She was, (as fome would fay that knew her)
As was in that and next Town to her.
J O Sifter dearer to me far
Than Sun-lhine Days in Harvefl are ;
' Anna (fatebor enim) mi/eri poji fata Sichaci
Conjugis, I3 /par/os fraterna ccede Penates,
Solus hie infiexii Jenjus, animumque labantem
Impulit ; agnofco veteris i-ejligiajiammte.
9 Sc/i mihi njel tellus optem pr'tiis Ima dehifcat,
Vel pater cmnipotcns adigat me > ■
* Ante pudor quam te 'vioUm, aut tuajura refolvam :
* S:c ejf'ata, Jinum lachrymis irnple^it ohoriis,
^ Anna reftrt ; o luce magis dileda fororiy
Wilt
70 Virgil Traveftie, Book I.
* Wilt thou (quoth fhe) O Woman wood,
Still flop the Current of thy Blood,
And lofe the Time, by vain Pretences,
Of making pretty Boys and Wenches ?
V/ilt thou cut Faces evermore.
For Hulband dead as Nail and Door?
Doll thou believe, thou puling Thing,
5 That dead Folks care for whimpering ?
6 'Yield, and be nought at laft, y'have plaid
The Fcol too long, here be it faid.
And Hood too much in your own Light,
Or long enough sgo you might
7 Have match'd yourfelf, and that well too,
To rich and proper Men enow.
What though you have faid many nay.
Yea, and burnt Day-li^ht, as we fay,
Godman larhas here hard by.
And others of good Yeomanry,
That might have pafs'd ; becaufe, forfooth,
They could not pleafe your dainty Tooth ;
^ Muft you ftill mince it at this rate.
With one you twitter to be at ?
•* Solane pcrpctud maerens carpere jm'entd ?
Nee dulces luitos, Veneris nee praemin noris ?
^ Id einerem, aiit manes credis curare fepultos ?
^ EJlo ; agram nulli quondam flexere mariti ;
7- Non Lybia;, non ante I'yro ; defpeBus larbas,
Du6iorrfque alii, quos Africa terra triumphis
Dives alit : * Placitoque etiajn pugnabis amori ?
Nee 'venit in mentem, <^uorum ccnjederis ari'is ?
Hive Getulfe urbes, genus infuper abile bello,
Et Numida infrani cingunt^ (^ inhofpita Syrtis :
Hinc — —
Barcai ■ ■
You
Pook I. V I II G I L Travejiie. yi
You ne'er confider'd what a Throng
Of faucy Knaves you live among,
Bafe ill-bred cheating fony Currs,
Rafcals as falfe as Moorlanders,
Such Fellows, as 1 greatly doubt me.
If yoa no better look about ye.
And leave this foolilh twittle twattle,
To match with one will tent your Cattle,
Will in fhort Space not leave a Gcofe,
Turky, or Hen about the Houlb :
9 Your Brother too, he fwears and curfes
About his Mcney-bags and Purfes,
* I do believe that jfo-ve and "Juno,
(Whom all the World, and I, and you know)
Have ever been your faithful Friends,
For fome moft fecret co.urteous Ends,
Over blue Neptune's bouncing Ferries,
Have hither fent thefe Tro/«« Wherries.
Oh, were thefe Trojans many'd to ui.
How oft and ably would they do us !
* What a fine Town would ours be then,
Hov/ bravely ftor'd with lufty Men !
Then, without any more ado,
Siikr, fay Grace, and fo fall to :
They in good Manners, Ten to one,
Will make an Offer to be gone :
Ana rather truft their rotten Barges,
Than ftay to put you to more Charges ;
? _-
9 Germaniqitc minas /
* Di/s equiiicm aujpicibus rear, l5 Junone fecunda
Hue curiiim lliuciis -vtnto teniiij/e cannas.
* ^iam tu urbemforor banc cernes ! que fur gere regno
Conjugio tali ! Teucrfvn ^omitantibui atm.s,
Punicafe quaniis' attollet gUria nbus ! But
72 Virgil ^ravejiie. Book I.
3 Cut you may make 'em, at Command,
As eas'Iy flay as kifs your Hand.
♦ Can you not tell 'em that the Weather
'S too cold or hot, (no Matter whether)
Their Scullers torn and fhatter'd lo.
That they mud mend 'em e'er they go ;
And, in Conclufion, with good Reafon,
Wifh 'em to expedt a better Seafon ?
' With fuch-like Documents as thefe are,
Which the young Slut knew beft would pleafe her,
Nancy fo tickl'd up her Grace,
That Di(/o fcarce knew where flie was.
Nay, fome affirm a dangerous Matter,
She'd much ado to hold her Water ;
And counfel'd in that tempting Strain,
I wonder how fhe could contain ;
But certain 'tis, that this Advice
So wrought upon this Widow nice.
That fhe, who Maid, Widow, and Wife,
Had priz'd her Honour 'bove her Life ;
^ Now car'd no more for her good Name,
Than any common Trading Dame.
7 But to the Church (forfooth) anon.
That Matters might go better on.
^ 7u modo ———
Indulge hofpitio, cau/afque inneSle morandi :
* Dum pelago defaijit hyems, et equo/us Oriony
Quajfataque rates, et non traSiabile coelum.
5 His diiiis incenfum animum injiamma'vit amorey
Spemque dedit dubia ^ menti, folnjitque pudorem,
7 Principio Deluhra admnt, facemque per aras
Exquirunt, — —
(Like
7Z
Hook IV. V 1 R c I L Travejiie.
(Like People o'lh' Fanatick fry,
Whofe Sandity's Hypocrify)
They mud, and Hipping on their Pattens,
They went, as who iTiould fay, to Mattens.
Thither now come, fair Dic/o fquats
Her Bum on Hailbck made of Mats :
For you mud know, as Story fays.
Queens, like the Godly in thefe Days,
In Manner infolent and flighty,
Difdain'd to kneel to God Almighty.
Eut ^^nna, \A\Q was but a Spinller,
Knecl'd low on Stones as hard as Flints are !
Their Eyes they roll'd, and bow'd their Bodies
To this, and th' other God and Goddcfs,
^ To Ceres, Phcchusy and Lyesus,
And twenty harder Names than * The\is. * J Figure
But Ju/io had nioft \^eneration, yh neiv, that
As fhe was Queen of Copulation. modern Au-
Prayers being done, up Dido rofe, thors ha<ve
And to the Priell demurely goes ; yet no Name
She gently pulls him by the Garment, for it.
The rev'rend Type of his Preferment,
And with moft gracious Looks and Speeches,
To borrow a Word or two befecch s.
The Prieft bow'd low, in aukward wife.
As 'tis, you know, Sir ^o^tr's Guife,
And, in obfequious Manner, told her, ^
Her Grace with him might make much bolder.
This Priell was held a mighty Clerk,
In Mylleries profound and dark ;
* Legiferee Cereri, Phceboque, patrique Lyneo,
9 Junoni ante omnesy ctii niinc^la jugalia curee.
Ipfu tenens dextra patcram pidcherrima Dido, &c.
D Had
74 Virgil Travejlie. Book JV.
» Had Skill in Phyfick, and was able
To tell Fclks Fortunes by their Table.
Him fhe conjures, intreats, and prays,
"With all the Cunning that ine has,
Greafes his Filt ; nay more, enga8;es
Thenceforth to mend his Quarter's- Wao-es,
If he would but refolve the Doubt
That fhe then came to him about.
But't had been vain, had he been wifer,
Or to inftrudl, or to advife her.
" A1-.S, poor Priefl ! how fruitlefs is't
To j udge by Phys''ncmy or Fiji F
Or what do Prophecies avail,
\Vhen Women have a Whifk i'th' Tail ?
Dich, for Love, in v.'oeful wife,
Eubbles, and boils, and broils, and fries.
And in her am'rcus Moods and Tenfes,
Ev'n like one out of all her Senfes ;
About the Town fhe runs and reels,
With all the School-boys at her Heels :
So I have feen in Failures fair,
Where Cattle educated are,
4- An Heifer young, when fhe doth itch,
With Gad-bees flicking in her Breech,
From fhady Brake on fudden rife,
And with her Tail ere^fl to th' Skies,
Spirant 2 a confulit exta.
* Heu, <vat2ir,t igjians mentes ! quid njota furentem,
^.id dclukrajuvant F eji mcUis Jiamma medullas
Interea-, i^ taciturn ^i-vit fub pefiorc 'vuJniis,
2 JJritur infclix Dido, totdque <vagatur
TJfbe furen.' . * ^alis conjedd cemmfagitid,
Qua,m pvQcul t « , Ru
^4^
'u- i:/^''^ciinriur 7<^/juj- .^A"?// ufuf^'n^ Qi^^ .in^/^'Ema^, ^v
Book IV. V T R G I L 'Travejiie. y^
5 Run through the Fields with Frilks and Kicks,
In various Capreols and Tricks,
Some Eafe, poor Thing, alas ! to find ;
^ When, lo ! the Sting iHcks fafl: behind :
One while (he takes her 7 lufty Lover,
Meaning her Pafllon to dilcover j
She leads him out from Place to Place,
And (hews him all that e'er fliehas ;
Difdofes all her fecret Wealth,
And fays, if 'Jove fend Life and Health,
That fhe (tliough fimply there (lie ftand)
Will make tliat Living as good Lantl,
Jf (lie .continue but a while on't.
As any lies within tive Miles on't.
Then (lie ^ begins to mump and fmatter.
Willing to break into the Matter,
And afli the Queftion, when (alas!)
To fee how Things will come to pal's.
When (he moll fain would break her Mind,
She fooner could by half break Wind,
Than fpeak a Word : Virtue forfooth.
And Modelly fo llopp'd her Mouth ;
9 Over and over then (he treats
Him, and his Mates, with fundry Meats,
Whilll Trojans round befiege her Boards,
Merry as Greeks, and drunk as Lords,
— — ^ ^ Ille fugafylvas fultufqiie peragrat.
——— ^ Hard lateri lethalis aruyido.
V 'Nunc media J£.nt2in fecum per mcenia ducit,
Sido?iia/qHe ojientat opes urbemque par at am.
* Incipit effari, mediaque in voce rcjijlit,
9 Nunc fadeniy lal/ente diet cou'vi-via quarif ;
D 2 When
76 Virgil Travejlie. Book IV.
When, fure as e'er they fit at th' Table,
* She calls again to hear TrDy'% Fable :
Nay, lov'd it fo, that fhe, 'tis faid.
The Ballad then of Troy-Toivn made.
We owe her for't, and let us pay't her ;
Who Englifh'd it, was her Tranflator.
^ Now when, with raking up the Fire,
Each one departs to I edfcrdjhire ;
And Pillows all fecurcly fnort on.
Like Organills of fam'd Hcg^s-noiton :
3 Didoy poor Queen, alone doth lie,
Dreaming on true Love's Phys-notny ;
And in that Humour fhe the fmall
•* J/canitts takes, Troy\ fu-venal •,
And in her Lap, on Tuft of Sorrel,
Laying the little wanton Gorrel,
Oft would fhe fighing fay. This Lad^
O that he nuere but like his Dcd !
This Life the woeful Dido led.
Eke at her Board, and eke at Bed ; ,
5 Her Houfewifery no rrore regarding.
Neither her Spinning nor her Carding :
* Iliacofque iterutn demens audire labores
Expo/cit, pendetque iterum narrantis ab ore.
* Pofi., urbem digre£i, lumenque obfcura 'vicijjirn
Lufta premit, Juadentque cadentia Jydera fomnos :
3 Sola demo mesret 'vacua, Jhat'ifque reliciif
incubat ■
•* dut greviio Afcanium gcnitoris i/nagine (apt a
Detiiiet, infandum Ji fallere pojjit amorevi.
5 iVo/.' cceptic ajfiagu/it turres j jiou arrnajwvenius
Exercet, portujhje, aiit propugnacula hello
^uta parant ; Pendent opera interrupta, minaque
Murorum zjigeiites, aquataque ?nachina ccelo.
^amfimul ac tali per/enjit fejie teneri Butj
Book IV. Virgil Travejlie. 7 7
But, like a Dame of Wits hereaven.
Let all Things go at fix and fcven.
Which when Queen Juno (for thefe two
Were Clove and Orange you muft know)
Perceiv'd, and that, than blind Chee!;s blinder,
She threw all Care and Shame behind her :
She Fenus in thefe \A'ords accofls,
* You and your Son may make y«ur Boafts,
With Shame enough, that God and Goddefs,
Like fublunary Bufy-bcdics,
To make a Woman lipht as Feather,
Do lay your learned Heads together.
7 'Twas not for nought that I was ever
Afraid of you two coming hither ;
You and your Utile blinking Urchin
Agairft this Town have ftill been lurching.
^ But when fhall we give o'er this Pother,
And leave ofF ve.xir^g one another ?
Be thou but mine, I'll be thy Friend,
9 Let's marry 'em, and there's an End,
Thou haft thy \Ni{h,^ thy little Archer
Has made our Dido mad as March-hare.
Chara "Jo-vh conjuxy nee famatn objlare furor't ;
Tali bus aggreditur Vcttenm Sulvrnia dic'tis :
Tuque, pucrque tuns : viagnutn, i5 meincrabile ncmcn,
Una ddo divim, Ji foetnina -vifla duoruin eji.
7 Kcc rre adcofallit, I'eritam te imeuia nojira,
Suj'le^as habuijje doihos Carthagi;:is idta,
* Scd quis erit modus ? aiit quo nunc cert amine tanto ?
9 i^in potius pacem eeternam, padofuue Hymtnaos
E:<rrcemus P babes, tot a quod mettle petijii.
Avdet amans Dido, trax'itque per nffafurorem.
Ccmmunem hunc ergo popuhtm pariblt/que regamus
Aitfpiciis — —
D 3 Thctt
78 Virgil 1'ravejlie. Book IV.
Then let us all old Quarrels quit,
Leave being fuch a peevifh Tit :
* Ti-cy Lads fhall marry Tyria?i Lafles,
And we will be as merry as pafTes.
'■ Fcnust who knew Ihe did but glaver,
Fcr all the fine fmooth Words fhe gave her,
And proiFer'd Love's not worth a Cow-turd,
(You know) if fpoke but from Teeth outward,
3 Like cunning Quean in Smiles array'd her.
And in her own Coin thus fhe paid her :
O Juno-, Queen, Joueh Bedfellow,
Who here above, or who below,
-* With thee would quarrel or contend.
And not llill reft thy loving Friend ?
I like the Motion well, but that
J There's one main Thing I ftumble at;
And that in dowuright Truth is this,
{'jo've pardon if I think amifs)
I ::ni afraid (this Doubt I put yx:.
Indeed, I'aw now, is fomething fmutty)
But I the Scruple muft not fmother ;
Women, you knov/, to one another
May freely fpeak (and here be't faid,
'Twixt you and me) I'm fore afraid,
My Son's fo big, (v/hich rarely falls)
About his " and Genitals,
Liceat Phrygio y^ro^/r^ rnarito.,
Dotale/que tucs Tyrios per7nittere dextr^.
" Olli (fenjit ertim finudata tncnte locutam)
i Sic contra ejl ingrejfa Venus
* — — J^.'V talia dtmens
Ahnuat ? aid tecutn malit contendere hello ?
^ Si modo, quod 7nemoras, fa£lu7n fortuna fequalur :
Sed fatis incerta feror ; Si Jupiter unaTti
'EJJi vdit That
Book IV. Virgil T'ravejlie, 79
That I am half afraid left he
Shoul.1 chance to fpoil her IMajelly.
^ At that Queen y««o fmil'd, and fait! ,
Of that (Wench) never be afraid,
For if they once do come together,
He'll find that Dido's, reaching Leather :
If then that Dido and his Son,
To do as other Folks have done, .
7 Thou give Confent : (mark) and in few Words,
Which fhall be friendly \Vords and true Words ;
I'll tell thee how I've call about.
And laid a Plot to trine 'em to't :
" To-morrow e're the Sun (Ueav'n blefs him)
Can fee to rife, at leaft to drefs him.
Apneas and ihe Queen have made,
(The Queen and he, I fhould have faid)
A Match to go, after her Wonting,
Into the W"oods a Squirrel-hunting :
Now I, whilil all on ev'ry Side
The Thickets round are occupy'd.
And eagerly their Game are following.
As Hunters ufe, whooping and hollowing,
9 Will caufe big-bellied Clouds to pour
Upon their Coxcombs fuch a Shower,
^ Tiimjtc excepit Regia Juno,
Micum erit ijis labor
> 7 Nunc, qua raticve, qucd injlaty
Conferi pcjjit, paiicis (ad-verte) docebo.
^ f^enatum /Eneas, un'aque mi/trrinta Dido,
In nanus fre parant, ubi primus crajiinus ortus
ExtuUrit Titan, radi'ifque retexerit orbcm.
5 His (go nigrantem connnijia grandine nimbtim,
Dtim trepidant ahr, faU'uJque indaginc cingunt,
Df/uper iiifundam ■
D 4 And
8o Virgil Traveftie. Book IV.
And will with Hail and Rain fo clout 'cm,
They'll not have one dry Thread about 'em.
9 Befides, fuch Thunder-claps fhall burft out.
As lome of 'em fhall fmell the worfe foi't.
' Trojujis and Tyrians helter-fkelter.
Will then all ran to feek for Shelter.
Then each one there will fhift for one,
And leave the Queen and him alone.
* Dido and D.Uq, in this Cafe,
Shall find a Cave, as fit a Place
For fuch an Ufe, fo fine and dark,
1 hat, '\i j^neas be a Spark,
They there, in fpite of all foul Weather,
May take a gentle Tcu.h together :
So each of other may have Proof,
^ And marry after time enough,
Fenus, who very well could fathom
The Bottom of this fubtle Madam,
Soon fmelt her Praftice, and her Art,
As ftror.g as fhe had let a Fart :
Yet, that fhe mi^ht her Malice blind,
And fit the Lady in her kind,
"» She feems her free Confcnt to give,
And trips it laughing in her Sleeve.
9 Zt toiiiiru ccelum omne cieho.
« 'Diffugient co?nites, tif no^le tegentur opacd,
^ Spcluncam Dido, dux ^J Trojan us eandem
Divenimt : aderci, Ij , tiia fi tnihi arta 'voluntas^t
Con nubio ju ngam Jfabi'ly
lit: Iljmenaiii erit
i propriamque dicabo :
* Kon ad'verfatn pctenti
JLnniilt, at^ue dolii rifit Cyikerea reperiis, ' Mean
Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. 8i
5 Meanwhile the Sun, as it his Courfe is,
Got up to drefs and water's Horfes ;
When out the merry Hunters come,
With them a Fellow with a Drum *, * A 'very tie-
Your Tyrian Squirrels will not budge elfe, cejfary Injiru-
Wcll arm'd they were ^ with Staves and tnent in Squir-
Cudgels ; rel-hunting.
Tykes too they had of all Sorts, ^^ Bandogs,
Curs, Spaniels, Water-dogs, and Land-dogs.
* Thefe, for the Queen expefting, tarry.
Who longer lay than ordinary ;
For fhe a: Night could take no Eafe,
She had been bit fo fere with Fleas.
9 Her Mare well trapp'd, of her own fpinning,
Ty'd to the Pails, flood likewife whinning ;
For why (as Poets fing the Fable)
Her Foal was bolted up i'th' Stable.
» At laft fhe fallies from the Koufe,
As fine and briflc as Body-loufe.
* She Hood and Safeguard had bran new.
The Lace was yellow, Cloth was blue ;
5 OceanMTi interea furgehs Aurora reliquit ;
It portis, jubare exorto, del:£ia ju'ventus.
Retia rata, plaga
. 6 l,ato 'vetiabulaferro,
. 7 odor a canutn 'vis.
« Reginam Thalamo atnaantem, ad limina primi
Pcenorum expectant,
. 9 Ojiroque inf.gnii k3 auro
Stat fonipes , acfr^ena ferox j'p urn a nt ia mandit .
* Tandem progr edit ur
* Sidoniam piilo chlamydem circumduta Umbo :
D 5 Fait
82 Virgil 'Traz^ejlie. Book IV.
Faft to her Girdle ty'd with Thong,
^ A Bunch of Keys compleatly hung :
For why, well knew the thrifty Queen,
That Servants ftill have flipp'ry been :
Which made her careful of her Pelf,
Evermore keep the Keys herfelf.
+ With her lulus came, that Strippling,
A youth e'en fpoil'd for want of Whipping;
For's Father, and his foolifh Grannam
Had ever made a Wanton on him :
* But when his Sire appear'd in play,
Mounted upon his Galloway,
*Tis faid by fome that better knew him,
The reft look'd like Tooth-diawers to him :
^ No fprighily Groom fo trim and trick is.
That juft upon Preferment's Prick is,
7 As was jEneas, Stories fay.
When clad in Clothes of Holy-day,
His Breeches, fav'd from 9lro>''8 Combufllon,
Were Kendal, and his Doublet Fuftian j
3 Cut pharetra ex auro ■
Aurea purpur earn fiibne8.it fibula vejlem,
— "•• y latus lulus,
■ 5 jpjg fffjfg alios pulcherrimus omnes
I nfert fe focimn ^Eneas
* $_ualis, uhi hyhernam Lyciam, Xanthique fluentd
Deferit, ac Delum maternam iniji/it Apollo,
Jnjiauraique choros ;
7 Mollique fiuentem
Fronde premit crinem fingens, atque implicat auro :
■ I i " ■ " ■ Haud illo jcanior ibat
^neas : tantum egregio decus enitet ore.
Pink'd
Book IV. Virgil T'ravcftie. 83
Piuk'd with inoil admirable Gracf,
And richly laid with green Silk-lace.
s Athwiirt his brawny Shoulders came
A Euidrick made, and trimm'd with tli' fame ;
Where Twibil hung, with BaCiet-hilt,
Grown rufty now, but had been gilt ;
Or guilty elfe of many a Thwack,
With Dudgeon Dagger at his Back.
Upon his Head he wore a Hat, ;
Inflc.-id of Sattin, fac'd with Fat,
Which, being limber grown, we find
Mofl. fwafiiingly pinn'd up behind ;
With Brooch as gaudy and as tall
As ev'ry foremoft Horte of all,
h\ bell Apparel thus array'd.
They now begin their Cavalcade
l^owards the Woods, 9 where be'ng e're lon^
Arriv'd, (for 'twa; not pall a Furlong
From CarthagCy as the Learn'd compute it,
And let who has been there confute it)
They ev'ry way difperfe themfelves.
To watch the little nimble Elves ;
As who fliould fay. Come this, or that Way,
T'other, or any Way, have at ye.
The Drummer now 'gan lay about him.
And all the People fell a fliouting.
Such Peals they gave of Men and Boys,
A Man could hardly hear for Noife ;
Nay, Di(io Queen, they fwore that heard it,
Shouted as lojd as any there did.
* Tela fonant humeri s
9 Pcjiqunm altos itntum in monies, at que invia/axa^
Ecce fei\f /asi dejecta -vcrtlcc — — ^
D 6 « The
§4 Virgil ^Traveflie. Book IV.
' The frighted Squirrels Stumps belabor,
As they had danc'd to Pipe and Tabor ;
Skipping and leaping in their Dances
From Tree to Tree o'er Boughs and Branches,
Now on the utmofl Top, and then
At ore Leap at the Root agen.
» ViMt-jOMngJ/canius, Hopes o'th' Kcufe,
CarM not for Squirreling a Loufe;
For he's, whilft they are at their Chafe,
Flaying at Hids and fcekf or Bafe,
Amonc- his Mates, and wifhes rather
(And fo the Stripling told his Father)
For naughty \'ermin that would bite him,
Or Throllle Neit, though't did
? Mean while the Clouds began to clatter.
And to pour down whole Pails of Water ;
The Thunder quite out-roar'd the Drum,
''■ And Hail-ilones, bigger than one's Thumb,
Came pelting down. Then all, to fave 'em.
Ran as if twenty Devils drave 'em ;
' Deciirrere jitgis ; alia de parte patentes
T'ranfmitti'.iit ciirfu carnpcs, atque aginina cer-vi
P ul-ucrulenta fuga glcmerant, jnontejqus relinquuiit.
' At ptier Aicauius mcdiis in <vallibus acri
Gaudet equo, jatnque hos ciirfu, jam pr ester it illos :
Spumanttmque dari (peccra inter inertia) ^ootis
Optat aprum ant ful'uum defcendere monte leonem.
^ Interea mazno mifceri murmure coelurn
r ■ ■
inaptt : -
* Injeqtiitur commijia gratidine ni?nhus
Et Ty\-\\ comites pajjim^ l£ Troj&na Ju-ventuSf
Jpardaniiij'que nepos Feneris., di-ver/a per agras
'JeSla metu petiere ; ruunt de rnontibus amnef
—■'-'-'-' fulfe re ignes -^ — -
Whilft
Book IV. Virgil ^raijefiie. S^
VVhilft young JIfcmiius and his Mates
"Were wafli'd and daHi'd like Water-rats.
Fair D'ulo then, for all her Hoops,
Banj'd her old Mare about the Stoops,
And jogg'd her Buttocks, though a Queen,
For fear of being wet to th' Skin ;
Nay, e'en JEnec.s' felf, forgetting
llis Rcputa'ion, (hrunk i'th' wetting.
And ran, or would have done at leatl.
But that his Horie, a fober Eeail,
Proceeded flow, with Motion grave.
And crav'd the Spur, in Care to fave ,
His Mafter's Neck, as fome fuppofe.
Though his Care was to iave his Cloaths j
He fpurr'd, nor yet was Dido idle.
For gingle ginglc went her Bridle,
5 Till Fortune, or Dame Juno rather, \\
Clapp'd 'em into a Cave together.
The Cave fo darkfome was, that I do
Think Joan had been as good as Dido :
But fo it was, in that Hole, they
Grew intimate, as one may fay :
The Queen was blithe as Bird in Tree,
And bill'd as wantonly, vvhilft he
^ By Hindlock feizing fall Occafion,
Slipp'd into Dido's Converfation :
And, in that very Place and Seafon,
' Tis thought JEiieas did her Reafon.
5 Speluncam Dido, dux {if Trojanus eandcm
De<vcniunt ; prima i^ Tell us ^ \^ pronuba JunO
Dant Jigniim •
6 — Con/ciui ather
Connubii t This
86 Virgil Travejiie. Book IV.
? This Sport of Mifcbief much was Caufe,
For Iweet Meat will have fowre Sauce j
And they their Time in Cave fo fpending,
Beo-inninp- was of DzaVs Endin?,
Her Majeftvnow no more nice is ;
* Nor feeks fhe now, by fine Devices,
To hide her Shame ; but leads a Life,
As if they had been 9 Man and Wife.
» At this a Wench, caWd F/^me, flew out
To rJI the good Towns round about.
This Fp.me was Daughter to a Cryer,
That whilom liv'd in Carfhagc-J^ire,
* A little prating Slut, no higher,
When Dido iirft arriv'd at Tyre,
Than this But, in a few Years Space
Grown up a lully ftrappiiig Lafs.
A long and lazy Queen I ween
She was brought up to fow nor fpin.
Nor any kind of Houfewifery,
To get an honeit Living by ;
3 But faunter'd idly up and down.
From Houfe to Houfe, and Town to Town,
7 Ille dies primus let hi, priftiit/que tnalorum
Caufa fuit
^ Neque enim Jpecie, famu'-ue fncvetur.
Nee jam furtii u?n Dido jneditatur atnorefn.
9 Co?zjugium 'voccU : hoc pratexit nomine culpam.
' Exiempla Lybise 7nagnas it fa?na per urbes,
¥ama •
* Parnja metu prima ; mcx fefe attollit in auras t
Ingrediturqjie fnlo, {5 caput infer nuhila condit,
Mokiliiale 'tigety 'virejcue cuquirit cundo.
^— > tedihus ceierum, C5 pernicibns alis ',
Cut I toi 'vigiles ocuH ■■ ■ ■ To
Book IV. Virgil Tra'vejlie. 8 7
To fpy and liftcn after News,
Which fhe fo mifchievoufly brews,
That ftill whate'er (he fees or hears.
Set Folks togetlier by the Ears.
♦ This Baggage that flill took a Pride to
Slander and backbice poor Queen Duio ;
Becaufe the Queen once, on Detedlion,
Sent her to th' Manfion of Corredt'.on.
5 Glad flie had got this Tale by th' End,
Runs me about to Foe and Friend ;
^ And tells them that a Fellow came
From Troy, or fuch a Kind of Name,
To 7yre, about a Fortnight lince.
Whom Dido feafted like a Prince ;
Was with her always, Day and Night,
Nor could endure him from her Sight,
And that 'twas thought Ihe meant to marry him.
7 At this rate talk'd the foul-mouth'd Carrion !
8 At lafl: Ihe does t' larbas go,
9 She never in fuch Things was flow ;
* Monjlrum horrendum itigens ;
s Hac cum tniihiplici populos fertnom replebat
GaudenSf
fi FeniJ/e ^neam Trojano a /anguine cretum ;
Cui fe pulchra -uiro dignetur jungcre Dido.
A««f hyemem inter fe luxtt, quam longa, fonjerc^
Regnoruni immemores, turpique cupidine captos.
7 Httc pajjim de a fee da 'virum diff'tndit in ora>
^ Protinics ad regent curfus detorquct Tarbam :
9 Fama, malum quo nan aliud velociui ullum.
Hie Ammonc faius
Centum ara f'jj .it —
" ' ■ Pcchd:i.-::qus atiore
Tingue folumy i^ ^variisfiorentia liminafertis.
88 Virgil Travejlie. Book IV.
And tells him all. Now this larhasy
For Didoh Love, was in a hard Cafe,
And had been long. Oft did he woe her.
And did the beft he could do to her :
But ftill in vain he broke his Mind,
'Twas throwing Stones againft the Wind ;
For though fhe wife and healthy knew him.
Dido had nothing to fay to him.
*Tis true, the Field he had great Flocks on.
Sheep, Goats and Cows, Horfes and Oxen ;
With Money Store, and other Riches :
But one foul Flaw he had in's Breeches
Spoil'd all ; for fhe had heard the Thing,
One Time as fhe was gofiiping.
As in fuch Matters, while you live, ,:
Women will be inquintive :
Which was that he (as Story tells)
A Rupture had in's Tefticles.
Which was enough to 'make her hatelilm.
Nay, e'en as it were abominate him. _ %
When Fame had told him of the Trojan,
' larhas took it in fuch Dudgeon,
Such high Abufe, and evil Part,
He almoft could have found in's Heart
T'ave ta'en his Knife, and in that Paifion
Whipp'd off his Tools of Generation,
And thought to have don't ; but did not yet.
Like one that had in's Anger Wit :
But fince to curfe it was no boot.
Would try if Praying would not do't.
J/^ue amens animi, ^ rumore acanfus amaro.
And
puv
Book IV. Virgil Travejlie. 89
1 And therefore thus, in heavy Ghear,
Made his Calie known to Jupiter :
^ O Jupiter, moll great and able,
Whofe Health I ev'ry Day at Table
Drink once or twice ! Doft thou (O where is
Thy Siglit !) not fee, what Doings here is ;
■* Sliall wc, when thou thunder'll, doft think.
So as to fowcr all our Drink j
And when the Clouds in Storms do burfl,
Not care, but bid thee do thy worft ?
i A wand'ring Woman that had fcarce
A Rag to hang upon her
Wlien (lie came hither firll, and wou'd
Have then been glad to for Food ;
I5 now, forfooth, fo proud (what elfe !
And ftands fo on her Pantabhs,
^ That file has faid me Nay mo.1 flighty.
And (on the very nonce to fpite me)
Has marry'd a fpruce Youth, they fay,
(Whom fome ill Wind blew that away)
One 'Squire ALneas, a great Keif,
Some wand'ring Hangman like herfelf :
Dicitur ante aras
Multa Jovem manibus Jupplex orajfe fupinis ;
J Jupiter omuipotens, cui nunc Maurujia piSfii
Gens epulata toris, Leit,cum Ubat honoran,
Adfpicis h<£c ? an te, ^enitor, cumfulmina torques y
Nequicquam horremus ?
■ ' ' ■*^ Cacique in uubibus igties
'•Terrific ant amnios, 13 inania murmur a mi/cent :
5 Fa'/nina, qua" nojlris errans in finlbus ■
— — — — ^ Connubia nofira
Rippulit, ac dominum j^nean in regna recepit.
7 And
Qo Virgil Travejlie. Book IV.
7 And ROW this Swabber, by the Malkins,
Thunders up D'ido\ Gally-Gaflcins,
Whilft I (for ilill thou deafifii art to't)
May pray, and pray, and pray my Heart out.
" Thus woefully larlas pray'd,
Whilft Jo've heard every Word he faid ;
And turning ftraight his Eyes to Tyre,
To look for D:do and her Squire,
All in a Chamber finely matted.
He very fairly fpy'd 'em at it.
At which, as't were, foijiewhat in Fury,
He calls his nimble Youth Mercury,
9 And thus bcfpoke him : Sirrah, hear ye,
Put on the Wings that ufe to bear ye.
And cut away to Carthage quickly.
Where th'TroJan does with the great lie.
' Tell him from me that his fcnng Mother
Did- pafs her Word that he another
Manner of Life and Converfation
Should lead, and leave thij Occupation.
7 £/ fni.'ic ille Paris
Rapto potitur ; noj rnuncra templis
^lippe tiiis ferimus, famamque fcvemus inafiem,
* Talibiis errantem diiiis, arajquc tene/item
Audlit omnipotens, oculofque ad ?ncenia torjit
Regia, ^ ohlitos fa?n^ melioris amantes.
Tu7ic Jic Mercurium alloquiiur, ac talia ?nandat :
Vade, age, nate, •voca Zephyros, ^ labere pennis,
Dardaniitmqiie ducem, Tyria Carthagine qui nunc
ExpeHat '
Alloquere, Ijj celeres defer 7nsa di£la per auras,
• Kon ilium nobis genitrix pulcherrima talem
Prcfnift - ■■■■-'
* Or
Book IV. Virgil Travejlie. 91
* Or twice the Cr/tcian Cavaliers
Had beaten's Brain's about his Ears,
E're this : And tell him more, ^ that he
Who means to conquer Italy,
Muli; with his Work go thorough Stitches,
And not run hunting after Bitches ;
* But if he will not venture's Pate,
A Rap or two for an Eftate,
As by his Pranks it doth appear,
5 Methinks tho' he might do't for's Heir ;
6 Aflc what the Devil 'tis he means,
To fpend his Time thus among Queans ;
Not minding Mifchiefs, or Mifhaps,
Nor fearing DJ^o's After-claps.
7 Bid him be trudging, he were bell :
If I come to him, I protefl,
I'll fend liim packing elfe, fuch New-ways,
He fhall remember me thefe two Days.
" This faid, 'Jove need not bid him twice.
Away he trips it in a Trice,
^ Graiiimque idea bis 'vindicat armis.
3 Sed fore, qui grwvidatn imperils, belloque frementem
Italian! rcgsret, genus alio a /anguine Teucri
Proderet, iff totumfuh leges mitterct orhetn,
* Si nulla accendit t ant arum gloria rcrum.
Nee fuper ipfefuu molitur laude labore?n.
5 Afcani'one pater Romanas in~jidet arces ?
Nee prolem Aufoniam, 53* La'uinia refpieit arva ?
^ ^ddjlruit ; ant quafpe inimiea in gcnte moratur ?
7 Nu'-viget : htrc fumtna cjl, hie nojlri nuncius ejlo.
" Dixerat. Ilk patris magni parere parahat
hnperio ■ ■ ■ ■
9 To
92 Virgil Traveftie. Book IV.
9 To make them ready to be gone :
And firfl his Pumps he faften'd on ;
Vi'hich being neatly pink'd and cut,
And finely fitted on his Foct :
Had Wings tyVi on with Thongs of Leather,
Or tacking Ends, I know not whether,
Vv'hich he could fiy v/ithal as well.
As he'd been brought up to't from the Shell.
' Then in his Kand he iakes a thick Bat,
With which he us'd to play at Kit- Cat,
To beat Men's Apples from their Trees,
With twenty other Rogueries ;
Bcfides (as Rake-hells will abufe Days)
To throw at Cocks upon Shrove-Tue/days.
* Thus dight, he like a Partridge fprings,
Cuttine; the Air with nimble Wino-s ;
'Twas well his Care had ty'd 'era fall,
Elfe ten to one he'd flov/n hie laft :
No Swallow could have overgone him.
He flew as if a Flawk had flown him.
Until he faw a very high Hill,
A higher Hill by far than my Hill ;
3 Alhis 'twas call'd, fo high a one
TJiat Pen-men-maurc'i a Cherry-ftone
Et pritnum pedibw talari a fie ft it
Aurea : quajtihlimejn alis, Ji've aauorafupra,
Seu terra,'!!, rapido par iter cum fiamitie port ant,
' Turn njirgam capit ; hac r.ni?nas ille e-vocat Orct
PiiIIe//tes, alias fnb trijiia 'Va.iia.Tii?/iittit,
Datfornnos, adim'itque-, l^ Imnina 7norterefgnat»
'^ Ilia fret us agit -venics, l^ turbida tranat
Nubila .
^ "Jamque 'volans apice??!, £if latera ardua cernit
Atlantis ^//<r; -— —
Comcar'd
Book IV, Virgil Travejlie. g^
Compar'd : You could not thruft a Knife
'Twixt Heav'n and it, to Cave your Life ;
* It props the Sky, as l^irgil marks.
Or e]fe 'tis thou<^lit we Ihould have Larks :
f Herefitft did Mercury alight,
To bait and reft him aftcr's Flight;
Where having prun'd his Heels a little,
And fmooth'd his Plumes with * fafting Spittle,
^ From thence he took another Freak, * 'Tis coti'
As if he meant to break his Neck. ceived he did
7 Even as a Hawk herfelf doth carry that before he
From Kill-ducks Place to ftop her Quarry : baited.
So Mercury, to mortal View,
Himfclf from Atlas headlong threw.
Stones cad by {am'd Pari/iafi Slinger,
Compar'd to him, would feem to linger ;
And Arrows loos'd from Grub-fireet Bow
In Fin/bury, to him are flow :
Nay, Lightning darted from above.
With flaming Tail from angry Jcve,
Would in Comparifon appear
To creep }ike lazy Loiterer.
* The nrll Place, after this Vagary,
He lighted on, was Dido\ Dairy :
* Caelum qui n^rtice fulcit.
' Hie primum paribus Jiitens Cyllenius alis
Confiitit J * Hinc toto praceps fe corpore ad undas
Mijit ; 1 A-vi Jimilis^ qu^e circum litora, circum
Pifccfos fccpulos, humilis njolat tequora juxta :
Hand aliter terras inter eeel'umque ^jolahatt
Litus arenofum Libyie, •vcitt'ojque fecabat.
^ Ut primum alatis tetigit Magalia plantis ;
J£.ne2.m fundantem arces, ac tecia noi/antfm
Qon/pidt I ■ »i
Whence
04 Virgil Traveftie. Book IV.
Whence he ^neas foon did fpy,
Ord'ring her Highnefs' Hufbaiidry :
He took upon him as her Spoufe,
And vapour'd like the Man o'th' Houfe ;
For all that Time, as't came to pafs.
In Quarrel high engag'd he was,
And ready in his Fumigation,
(As Hiftories do make Relation)
To fall to Logger-heads, as't appears,
"With a few fancy Carpenters,
Who building were an Houfe of Eafe,
For Di(fo in Necefiities :
They would not follow his Advice,
(As Workmen ftill are otherwife)
Which made him foam and flirt out Spittle,
Becaufe they made the Holes too little.
9 Down hanging by his Side he had
A dangerous bright-brown flafliing Blade ;
'T had been new furbifh'd up at Tyre,
A better never pafs'd the Fire.
' Upon his Back he had a Jerkin
Lin'd through and through with fobleMerkin,
Giv'n as a Frefent by the Queen :
It had indeed her Hulband's been ;
But neither by the Nap, nor Tearing,
Was it a Pin the worfe for Wearing.
This (as of either Queen or King,
Vile People will be cenfuriiig)
, 9 Illi Jlellatus ja/pidefulva
Enjis erat
, . > ^y) toque crrdebat murice Lana
Demijfa ex humeris : Di'ves qua munera Dido
Fccerat, ^ tenvi teias d'tjcrenjerat auro.
Was
Book IV. Virgil Travejlie. 95
Was given JEneas for a Charm,
And though the Queen might think no Harm,
Yet fome have given a parlous Hint
Of a ftrange hidden Virtue in't.
Equipp'dthus fine, Mercury found him,
* And roundly in his Ears thus round him ;
Thou here thyfelf moll bufy makes.
In building for the Queen a Jakes,
But never think'H, fuch is thy Vv'ifenef;,
What will become of thine own Bufinefs ;
The Thunder-thumper, who, by Threavcs,
Makes Men to quake like Afpen Leaves :
^ He whom the reft o'th' Gods do honour.
Has fent me from Olympus^ Manor,
To aflc thee what thou doll intend.
Thy Time thus wickedly to fpend ;
Ai:d loiter here like a Hum-drum,
Not caring what thou doll, nor whom.
•^ He fays, though fearful as a Stranger,
Thy Coxcomb thoul't not bring in Danger,
To mend thy 'State, nor get thy Living
By any honeft Way of thriving :
* ContinuQ in'uadit : Tii nunc Carthaginls altes
Fundament a locasy pulchramque uxor i us urbem
Ext rut St (beu) regni, rerumque oblite tuarum.
Ipfc Dcum tibi tne claro demittit Olympo
Rtgnator, ccclum tff terras qui numine torquct.
^ Ipfd heec ferrc jubct cclcres mandata per auras :
^uid Jlruis ? aut qua fpe Libycis teris otia tcrris ?
+ Si tc nulla mo^vet tantarum gloria rcrum,
Necfuper ipfe iua—^i^c
5 He
96 Virgil 'Trai'ejiie. Book IV.
5 He thinks, though, thou might'il take feme care
Of him that is thy Son and Heir,
And not thralh here like Boor unworthy.
When he has made Provifion for thee.
^ Mercury vanifh'd, having fpoke as
Y'have heard ; like any Hocus-pocus ;
And homeward did forthwith afpire.
Nor ever flay'd to drink at Tyre.
7 But Don ^neas, at the Vifion,
Was in a very fad Condition ;
He could cot fpeak to Foe or Frienf ,
And eke his Hair did Hand an End,
So ftiff, it thrull his Hat fo far
Above his Head into the Air,
That a great Turkey might have'flown
Betwixt his Bonnet and his Crown.
Half-frighted out on's little Wit,
" He now had Eggs (i'faith) o'th' Spit,
Till he was gone: 9 But how (alas)
To break the Matter to her Grace,
He knew no more, the bafhful Groom,
Than did the furthc-ft Man of Rome,
5 Afca.nium furgejitem, i^ /pes haredis liili,
Rejpice cut regmim Italics., Rj77!anaque tellus
Debentur •
^ Tali Cyllenius ore loctiius.
Mortales n^ifus tnedio Jermone reliquit,
Et procul in tcnuetn px ccidis evcnuii auram.
7 At 'uero ^neas ajpeciu obfruiiuit amc7is,
ArreSlieque horrore comee, i^ njox faucibus hi:ejit.
* Ardet abire fuga ■
5 Heu ! quid agat ?
« Nor
Book lY. V I R c I L Trdvejiie, ^j
" Nor could he frame him to begin,
T'appeafe that loving Soul the Queen,
For nottght more vexes Womens Bloods,
Than to be left fo in the Suds.
In this Quandary, fcratching's Pate,
After a penfivc long Debate,
lie calls, at laft, his Fellow Rake-helh,
* And bids 'em get their Tools and Tackles
Aboard their Wherries, and be heedful
To lay in all Things that were needful,
Efpecially good Meat : ^ but flow it
So fecrctly, that none might know it ;
That, on Occafion, in a Trice, Sir,
They might be gone, and none the wifer :
And fmce he humbly did conceive,
To Heal away, and take no Leave,
Would be uncivil, and enough
To tear a Heart though made of BulTii
Hfi was refolv'd to take the Queen,
^ When fet upon fome merry Pin,
And tell her plain, with Vows moft fervent,
He was her Grace's humble Servant.
■ ' ^0 nunc Reginam amhirf. ftirentem
Audeat ajfalu Z' qua prima exordia fumr.t ?
Jltqut animam nunc hue celeretriy nunc dividit illuc^
In parte/que rapit vatias — •
- Clajfem aptait tacit i, ,/ocios ed littora cngA?;f^
Arma parent y • ,- •■••
> " ^ Et ^ute Jit rehus cau/a novandlsy
DiJJimuknt J J'efe i/iterea, quando optima Dido
Ne/ciatf
* Et qu.t molhjji ma fundi
Ttmpora ; ^uis rebus dexter modus a ..■■ ■«<
E ^ But
Virgil Travejlie, Book IV.
s But DiJo, Carthage Queen (for who
Can think to cheat a Woman fo ?)
Was foon, I warrant you, aware
O'th' flippery Trick he meant to play her.
*Tis true, flie ever had been jealous
Of all fuch vagrant Kind of Fellows,
And kept her Things fafe under Lock,
E'er fince the dealing of her Smock ;
But now, to add unto her Fear,
She had it buzz'd into her Ear,
* By that mifchievous prating Whore,
Fame, that I told you of before ;
7 Not, as they fay, out of good Will,
But to be brewing Mifchicf ftill ;
That he, for all his fair Pretences,
* Had greas'd his Boots, and wafh'd his Benches ;
And now was ready fet on Wheels,
To fhew a nimble Pair of Heels.
9 This fudden News, I do aflure ye,
Put Dido in a defp'rate Fury,
And made her friflc about and gad.
That all her People thought her mad ;
Whilft fhe from Houfe to Houfe did fly,
As Ihe had run with Hue and Cry.
* At regir.a doles (quis falkre pojjit amantemPJ
^ Prajenjity motufque excepit prima futurot.
Omnia tuta timens — — —
7 Eadcm impia fama furenti
D etui it ■
8 Armari clajfem, curjumqiu parari.
9 Sai'it inops animi, totamque incenfa per urbent
$(icchiitur " M
Ev*n;|
Book IV. Virgil TraveJiU, ^^
' Ev'n as a Filly never ridden,
When by the Jocky firll beftridden,
If naughty Boy do thruft a Nettle
Under her Dock, to try her Mettle,
Does rife and plunge, curvet and kick,
Enough to break her Rider's Neck i
Ev'n fo Queen Di^/o, at that Tide,
Laying all Majeily afide,
Play'd fuch mad Freaks, that well were they
Could fartheft get out of her Way.
Thus flinging round from Place to Place,
At laft, to make it Ihort, her Grace
Finds me, amongft a Crew of Mad-caps,
^neast at one Mother Red-Cap^s.
Well overta'n (quoth flie) half weeping,
* jEneas, ihou'rt a precious Pippin,
To think to fteel fo flily from me,
When thou haft had thy foul Will o'me.
3 Could not my Love (thou Knave) have {laid thee,
Nor yet the Promife thou haft made me :
Nor that thou know'rt, if thou wert goni^j
My Work would all be left undone ?
But that thoul't flink away, thou Varlet;
And leave me like forfaken Harlot ?
' ^alii ctrnmotii excitafacris
Thyas, ubi audita fiimulant Trieterica Baccho
Orgia, fioBumufque 'vocat clamore Cyth^eron.
* TanJeM bis ^nean compeUat vociius ultra ',
3 OtJ/imulare etiam fperujlit perjide, tantum
PcJ/'e nefasy tacitu/que mt'd dtaderc terra ?
Hec tt nofinr amoTy ties te data dexter a ^uondaf*
»-..—— Tenet ?
E 2 In
lOO Virgil Travejlie, Book IV,
A In Winter too, o'er bluft'ring Seas,
When it 'twixt two a Bed doth freeze (
5 What though thou hadft, as thou hall none,
A Houfe to go to, of thine own,
Coud'ft find yet in thy Heart to 'reave me
Of thy dear Company, and leave me ?
* By this fait Rheum thou feeft, that wets
My Cheeks, and by thy Hand that fv,eats.
That bawdy Fift, that has been laid
So oft, where now (hall not be faid ;
I'm brief, by the whole Matter's Carriage,
And by the Earncft of our Marriage ;
And by thofe fweet Delights we Hole,
When the Rain drove me into th' Hole;
"7 If that Bout pleas'd thee, or fince any.
Which {Jcve forgive us) have been many,
I do befeech thee, Trojan fine.
Not to undo both me and mine.
8 For thy fweet Sake the knavifh Lyhians,
The Tyriam, and the vile Numidiansy
4 ^dn etiam hyberno moliris Jydere clajfem^
Et mediis pr operas Aquilonibus ire per ahum,
Crudelis ? ^ ^id, fi non arva alienay domofque
Jgnotas peteres ? — — —
Mene fugis ? ^ Per ego has lacrym«s, dex tram que iuanty te.
Per Connubia nojlra, per incept os Hytnenaos.
7 Si bene quid de te merui, fuit aut tibi quicquam
Dulce mcum ; miferere domiis labentis ;
Oro, Ji quis adhuc precibus locusy — —
* Te propter Libyc^e gentesy Nomadumque Tjranni
Odere, infenji'lyxn'y te propter eundtm
Extia^Uf Pudory
In
Book IV. V 1 k G I L Traveflie. loi
In the Midft of which is my Abode,
Hate me, as one would hate a Toad.
For thee I firfl forewent all Shame,
9 And that I liv'd by my good Name ;
And wilt thou, having fpent thy Ardor,
And eat me out of Houfe and Harbor,
* So bafely to my Foes betray me,
And neither ilay with me, nor pay me i
t No fooner ftiall thy Back be turn'd, --
But all my Buildings fhall be burn'd,^
That Rogue Pygmalion will ha' me.
Or elfe larbas here will ta* me ;
If (as we oft have ventur'd it,
I had but a big Belly yet)
A little Trojan coming on.
To play withal when thou art gone.
Then let the Rogues do wha t they durfl iiOf
I Ihould have fomcthing yet to truft to.
uEneasy ta'cn thus bafely tardy,
} Tarn'd pale, and like a flick'd PIgftar'dye ;
He could not (land upright, but lean.
One might have fell'd him with a Bean ;
9 Et, qua fold Jidera adibanty
Fama prior :
• * Cui me moribundam defer is,, hofpes ?
f ^id moror ? an mea Pygmalion dum moeniafiattr
Dejiruat ? aut captam ducat Getulus larbas ?
Saltern, fsqua tnihi de te fufcepta fuiffet
Ante fugam foboks, fquis mibi parnjulus aula
Luderet ^neas, ■
Nan equidem omnino capta, aut deferta 'viderer.
• X J^l^ Jonjis monitis immota tenebat
Luminay i^ obnixus curamfub corde prgmebatt
^ 3 Nay,
3 02 Virgil I'raveftic. Book IV-
Nay, he was ftruck fo at her Speeches,
Sojne fay he did deftle his Breeches,
Kis Bowels did fo yearn upon her ;
But, being that may wound his Honour,
I'll not affirm it, but proceed,
To tell you what he faid and did.;
Much was he mov'd at Didd't Words,
Which Habb'd him through and through like Swords : •
Much griev'd to fee her weep and fob fo,
To throw about her Snot, and throb fo :
But, Merc^fs MelTage more prevailing
Than her Colloguing or her Railing,
After a many fine GoocT-morrows,
* He thus began to falve her Sorrows :
Should I (quoth he) O Qufen, deny,
That thou'rt the Flow'r of Courtefy ;
Or any Slanders vile contrive,
I were the bafeft Knave alive.
I mull confefs, that thou, O Queen,
To me, and to us all, have been
More like a Mother than a Friend,
So much I'll fay, and there's an Endj
* And if I ever do forget ye,
Gr fail to diink a Health to Betty,
Let me be hang'd as high, or higher
Than Top of Carthage Steeple-Spire i
» Tandem pauca reftrt : Ego te, qua: flurima farJo-
Enutncrare njaki, nunquan:, Regina^ negabo
Promcritam :
Nee me meminiJTe pigehit Eliia",
Dum memor if/e mci, dum Jpirttus hot rtget artus.
i Few
Book TV. Virgil Traveftii, xo^
3 Few Words are bcft ; if you'll be civil,
I'll tcU the Truth, and (hame the Devil.
♦ I ne'er had Thought, much lefs Defire,
Bafely to build a Sconce at Tyre ;
And ftcal away from ihcc, my Honey.
5 But for the Thing call'd Matrimony,
Although I did the Thing you wot,
yove be my Judge, I meant it not ;
Indeed I took it for a Kindnefs,
To be familiar with your Highnefs :
But if I ever thought of other,
Than one good Turn requires another ;
Or on fuch Terms e'er gave my Fift,
I'm th'arranteft Rogue that ever pift.
* I muft confefs, that if it lay
In my own Power, as one may fay.
That I had fome good Bargain made.
And bound my Son here to a Trade,
Plac'd all my Followers, and therefore
Had no one but myfelf to care for ;
I would as willing match with you.
As any Woman that I know :
7 But, as Things Hand, I needs muft follow
The Counfel of my Friend Jpollof
' Pro re faucn lequar •
■■ ♦ Nee ego banc ahfcondert furtt
Speravi (ne finge) fugam
■■ * nee conjugis unquam
Fratendi tadas, aut hac in feeder a 'vent,
* Mtji fata meis pat event ur ducere <vitan
jiu/piciis, l^ fponte me a componere cur as :
7 Sed nunc Italiam magnam Grynjeus Apollo,
Italiam Lycxvc jujfe re capejjere fortes :
Hie amort hac patria eji •
£4 Who
104 Virgil Travejiie. Book IV,
Who fends me Word I muft convey mc
To Lycia with all fpeedthat may be.
Where, by a dainty River's Side,
A Farm lies ready cut and dry'd.
Will hold both me and all my Meany,
And cheap as forty Eggs a Penny,
Tkcrc then, in downright Truth, do I
Intend to live and occupy.
* And if fo be that you, whoarefage.
Delight fo in your Town of Carthage ',
Why fhould it be in us fo great Sin,
Who have no Houfe to thruft our Patea inj
To travel to a Foreign Nation,
For fome convenient Habitation ?
9 I can no fooner go o'Nights
To B«d {Jove blefs us all from Sprights)
But that, e*re I can frame lo fnorr.
My Father's Ghoft comes through the Door,
Though fhut as fure as Hands can make it.
And leads me fuch a fearful Racket ;
I ftew all night in my own Greafe,
So that your Maids may, if they pleafe,
Wring from the Shirt wherein I wallow,
Each Morning-tide as much good Tallow,
As well would liquor all their Sandals,
And make befide fix Pound of Candles.
^ Ji te Carthaginis arcet
Phcemjfam, Lilycaque afpeiius tktinet urhis ;
i^ce tandem, Av.Jctiia Teucros conjidere terrdy
In'vidia eji ? iff nosfas extera quarere Regno,
5 Me Patris Anchijiey quoties humentibus umhris
Nox cpcrit terras, quoties ajira ignea Jurgunt ^
u^dmonet in/umnis ; l3 turbida terrct Image ',
Me puer Afcaniui^
An<l
\ .
Book IV. V r R. c r l Travejiie, 105-.
And all this is to have me gone,
And not ftay here t' undo my Son v
' Befides, not p:ift an Hour ago,
Jot'e fent his Lacquey to me too ;
I faw him fly, I'll * take my Oath,
(And Man has but his Faith and Troth).
As plainly o'er your Dairy-Top,
As e'er I faw him on the Rope ;
And heard him fpeak as plain but e'en now,.
As I hear you, or you hear me now ;
^ Then let me be fo much beholding
Unto your Grace to leave your Scolding ;
For I this Voyage undertake.
Even like a Bear that's drawn to th' Stake.
4 ♦ This faid, the Queen in wrathful wife,
Rowling about her goggle Eyes,
As fhe would throw 'urn in his Face,,
Unto her Fury thus gave Place :
Stinkard (quoth fhe) now thy falfe Kearc
Shews what a cheating Knave thou art,
The Sym.ptoms of a Rogue thou haft all,.
Thou a true T'roj\w, thou a Rafcal !
' Nunc etiam interpres dinjum, Jove mifus ah ipfo,
■ ■ Celeres mandata per auras
Detulit :
* Teftor utrutnque caput >
. Ipfe deum mamfejio in lumine 'vidi
Intrant em muros, 'vocemquc his auribus haufi,
■^ Define rneque tuis incendere teque querelis ;
Italiam non fpontefequor..'
* Tali a diccntem jamdtidam aver/a tuetur^
Hue illuc 'volvens oculosy tctumque pirerrat
tumiHibHi tadtisj l^fic accenja prcfatur :
jo5 Virgil I'vavejlls, Book IV^
- No Man or Woman of good Falhion,
E'er coupled for thy Procreation ;
But whelp'd thou wert of Tinker's Bitch,
Under fome Hedge, or in fome Ditch :
Nay, I'll not balk you, Sir ; nor care,
For all you look fo bijj, and flare :
Let thy foul Hide with Malice burfl,
I do defy thee, do thy worft.
'■' Inftead of fighing, in this Cafe»
Full fswre thou belcheft in my Face ;
And thou fo ftubborn ait and canker'd.
Thou fhed'ft no Tears, but Tears o'th' Tankard.
Had'fl thou but counterfeited PafTion,
To fignify Coramiferation,
Or ofFer'd but a fowre Face, it »
Had been a Sign of fome fmall Grace yet :
jBut, like a Logger- headed Lubber>
Thou grinning ftand'ft, and feeft me blubber ;-
'And jfove nor yuno, for aught I fee,
WjU neither of 'em both chaftife t^.ee.
^ There's no Truth in this Age we live in :
A wand'ring Beggar hither driven ;
Who had, when weak as he could crawl.
No Crofs to blefs himfelf withal ;.
s Kec tlbi diva parens.,, generis nee Dardanus audoTt,
Pcrfide : fed duris genuit te cautibus barrens
Cauccfus, Hyrcanaq^ue admoru7it ubtraTigres,
J^am quid dijfimulo ? -
6 'Nianfielu ingemuit nojlro? numlumina fiexit ?
Kum. iQchrymas ^iihis dedit F aut mi/eratus amantem efi ^
— 7 Jamjam nee maxima Juno,
Ksc Saturnius h^c cculis pater afpicit <equis.
'^. Nu/qiiam tuta fdes. Ejeiium litore, egentem
Book IV. Virgil Traveflie, '107
I have receiv'd to Bed and Board,
Feafted and clad him like a Lord,
5 And (like a firaple hair-brain'd Jade)
This Youth hail Fellow with me made ;
And now, forfooth, he cannot ftay,
Apollo bids him run away ;
* Nay, though I have, in friendly wife,
Cur'd his Men's Scabs, and kill'd their Lice ;
•f Yet having now fallen to his Lot,
A good rich Farm lies piping hot,
Should he flay here, it would undo him,
And Jove has fent his Footman to him :
As if the Deities were fo
Concern'd, they'd nothing elfe to da.
But fend their Lacqueys and their Pages,
To him on How-d'ye's and Meflages.
But I'll wafte on thee no more Breath,
For whom the Wind, that fumes beneath.
Is far too fwcet : Avaunt, thou Slave I
Thou lying Coney-catching Knave,
Be moving, do as thou haft told me \
\ No- body here intends to hold thee !
[] Go : feek thy Farm, I hope 'twill be
I'th' very Bottom of the Sea :
s> Et regni demens in parte locwvi :
Nunc augur Apollo.
* AmiJJam clajjem, focios a morte reduxi.
f Nunc hyc'vx fortes., nunc iff Jove mij/us ab ipj'o
Inter pres Di'vumfert horrida jujfa per auras ;
Scilicet infuperis labor eji ; ea cura quietoi
Sollicitat
J I fequere Italiam 'ventis, •
■' Neque te tenea
- 11 Pete regna per undas :
Spero equidem mediisy — — — —
Supplicia baufurumfcopulis • •• ■. E6 Bat
io8 Virgil Travejiie. Book 1V\
But fhould thou 'fcape, and not in Dike lie,
Drown'd like a Puppy* as 'tis likely,
Since in the Proverb old 'tis found.
Who's born to hang, nvill ne'er be dronjjn'd r
Yet fhould'fl thou not be much the nigheri
■ I'll haunt thee like a going Fire,
As foon as I can turn t'a Ghoft,
Which will be in a Week at moft r
Then in the midnight Sleep I'll wake thee.
And ride thee worfe than any Haekney.
I'll tenify thee Day and Night ;
Nay, if thou dofl: but go to
There will I ftand with flaming Taper,
To fizzle thy Tail inftead of Paper.
"• I'll make thee rue the Time that e'er
Thou cam'ft to play thy Knave's Tricks here.
' In Middle of thia wrathful Speech,
Down drops Queen Dido on her Breech :
Her Mouth was llopp'd, and on the Ground;
She Silent lay in doleful Swound :
Shut were her Eyes ; nor had Ihe Hearing
For wh^t ^'Eneas wzs '^ preparing.
Upon this pitiful Occafion,
Tofayin'sown JuiHlication.
* Sequar atris ignibus abfens :
£t, cum frigida mors animd feduxerit artuSr
Omnibus umbra locis adero, ■
> I I * Dahis improbe, paenas,
^ His medium diilis fermomm abrumpit, ^ aur^s
JBgra fugit. '
■* Linquens multa tnetu cuniiantem, ^ multa parantem
Book IV. Virgil Travejiie, #09
In hade the Tyriam all advance
To 'wake her Grace out of a Trance ;
They try'd to raifc her in fuch fort
As when Men cry, Le Corps ejl mort :
But here the Charm would not prevail,
They could not raife her from her Tail :■
For though full light when her own Woman,
Yet, in this heavy Dump, was no Man
Could raife her up, though ne'er fo mighty.
Sorrow had made her Bum fo weighty.
s Atlaft a Crew of llrapping Jades,.
That were or fhould have been her Maids,,
Gath'ring her up, away convey'd her,
And having in her own Bed laid her.
With Rugs they bolfter'd her about,. '
To try if fhe could fweat it out.
* jEr.eas, though 'twas his Delire
Something t'have faid might pacify her, ";
And though his Heart did bleed within him^
To think of what had pafs'd between 'um,.
7 Yet, becaufe Jove fo loud did threaten.
He fooner durft his Nails have eaten^,
Having fo terribly been chidden.
Than not t' have done as he was bidden :
Therefore in hade his Hoflefs beck'ning,.
To come and bring 'um in a Reck'ning,.
. —. s Sufpiciunt famula, coUapfaque membra
Marmoreo referunt thalamo, Jiraufque reponuttf.
^ Atpius JBne&s, quanquam lenire dolentem
Solando aipity l^ didis a-vertere ciiras ;
Multa gemensy magnoque animum labefailus amore :
7 Ju/a tam&H divum e^cequiiur, — —
Strtigfi*
no Virgil Travejlie. Book IV.
Straight to the Wharf" repairs the Hot-fhot,
• Without once calling for his Shot-pot.
The Trojans now, by this Commiflion,
Launch all their Boats with Expedition ;
You now upon the Ocean might fee
9 The new-greas'd Wherries fwim mofl tightly.
They had new made 'em fine long Poles,
New pitch'd their Oars, and made new Thoules :
Though many Things were left undone,
* They were fo eager to be gone.
f Then might you {<^t^em make their Sallies
From Carthage-'VoviVi thro' Lanes and Alleys,
Stealing away, with lewd Intentions,
To cheat the Tyrians of their Penfions,
Fearing their Landladies would brabble,
And dun 'em for their Quarter's Table.
X As Heuge-hogs when they go to th' Wocd,
To fetch a Hoard of Winter-food,
Return well laden with their Vift'les,
Fine yellow Crabs, ftuck round their Prickles i
Ev'n fo the Trojans, without doubt,
Were at this Seafon hung about
* ChJJemque renjijit.
Turn 'vero Teucri incumb*nt, (ff litore celfas
Deducunt toto tia'ves :
w. 9 Natat un6la carina :
Trondentefque ferunt remosy l^ robora fyl'vii
Jnfabricata.
•— * Fugtejiudio^
•J- Mi gr antes certtas, tot a que ex urle rueniis.
X Ac <veluti ingentem formiciS f arris acer'-jum
Cumpo}ulant, hyemis jnemores, teSloque reponunt t
Jt nigrum campis cgmen, pradamque per herbas
ConijeSlar.T cnlle angufio, pars grandia trudunt
O&nixiPjrumenta himerii j p<.vs • • With
Book IV. Virgil Travejiie. 1 1 1
With Fardles, Bundles, Bags, and Wallets,
To cloath their Backs and feed their Palates.
' But what thought Dido in this Cafe,
When thus (he faw them flink their Ways ?
From Garret-window faw 'em row.
And heard them crying Eajlvjard Hoe !
* To fee how Love makes Folk do Things,
Againft the Hair, againll the Shins !
For flie, though full of Indignation
To be forfaken in this Fafhion ;
And, had fhe known but how to get him.
Could doubtlefs without Salt have eat him ;
Yet, ne'erthelefs. Love over-ruling,
•' She fell again to her old Puling ;
And once more meant to try if Pity
Would not recall Jiim to the City.
* Look thee (quoth fhe) where he (my Nancj\
Whofe able Parts I do much fancy.
Has trufs'd up all his Tools together.
To carry 'em the Lord knows whitheri.
J Hark how his Rabble Gang do Ihout,
And (hove a-ftern to haflen out ;
A rout of bafe unthankful Peafants !
The Devil cut their yelping Weazens :
* ^is tihi nuncy Dido, cernenti talia fenfus ?
Cum Ittora feruere late
Profpiceres arce ex fumma, totttmq.ue 'videres
Mifceri ante oculos tantis ctauioribui xquor.
* Improbe AM R, quid non tnortalia peilora cogis ?
3 Ire iterum in lachrymas, iterum ter.tai e precando
Cogiturt
Nequid inexpertum, frujira morttura, relinquat.
■♦ Anna, a/ides toto proper ari lit re circum.
— • 5 Vocat ja7n carbajus auras f
Fuppibiii y lati nautcs impcfucre coronas*
The
112 Virgil Traveftie. Book IT.
The brawling Rafcals egg him on,
And make him madder to begone.
Had I once dreamt the Tearing Devil
Could ever have been fo uncivil^
Thus, like a Jade, to break his Tether,
I fhould have kept my Legs together ;
Or have made bold t'have ty'd him fafterj.
To the due Limits of his Pafture :
* But fince he holds me at a Diftance,
r beg thy fifterly Affiftance :
Thou know'ft the 'i emper of the Block-head,
And to a Hair canft fit his Pocket:
Th^efore (dear Nancy) I implore thee.
If e'er thou'lt do any Thing for me,
7 Run to the Wharf with Might and Main,
And try to bring him back again :
I promife thee, and if I break
My Word, pray Jaw I break my Neck,,
* If* thou canft bring him to my Bow,
I'll give the for thy Pains a Cow.
^'Tell him, I e'er had more Difcretion>
Than to join Iflues with the GreanTt.^
— — ^ Sorer •^— mifera hoc tamn unum
Extquere, Anna, mihi j /clam nam perjidui ille
9"(? colerc, arcanos etiam tibi credere ferjus.
Sola 'virimolles aditus, \^ tempera noras.
7 /, for or, a' que hojiem Jupplex affare fuperhum»
* Extrefuam banc cro njeniam ( mij'erere for oris )
^uam mihi cum dederis, ciimulata morte relinquam.
9 Non ego cum Danais Trojanam exfcindere gentem
jlulide juranji, clajjcm-ve ad Pergama miji :
Nee patris Anchifae cinere:, manefve reuclll.
Cur mea diUa ne^gat duras demit fere in aures ?
Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. 1 1 ^
I neither did meddle nor make,
But as they bren.v'd, fo let them bake :
Nor did I e'er make Skittle Piu-bones,
Or Bobbins, oi Jnchi/es.' Shin-bones:
Why fhould he then, without all Senfe,
Thus ufe me like a Kitchin-Wench ?
* I would but beg one Kindnefs from him:
* I will no more claim Promife on him :
But only that he'll tarry here.
Half, or a Quarter of a Year;
Whereby I may, before he go,
3 Wean my fclf from a Bed-fellow:.
Or (if my Confcltution can
Not well fubfift without a Man)
Until I can myfelf fupply.
With one to do my Drudgery :
I'll afli no further Obligation,
* But let him to his Navigation ;
He may to Latium then addrefs.
And fwim or fink, all's one to Be/s»
s Scarce had the woeful Di^o done.
When Nan prepar'd her to be gone ;
She tucks her Coats about her Haunches,
And to the Water-fide advances ;
She tripp'd fo neatly to the Pier,
It would have done one good to fee her :
One would have thought fhe'd gone in hafle
Midwife to fetch, fhewent fo fall.
— — ' Extremum hoc 7ni/era det mvnus amanti.
* Noil jam conjugium antiquut/ty quod prodidit, era i
^empus inane pcto, requiem, fpatiumque ' - ■ '
3 Dum Trea me 'vidam doceat fortuna dolore.
* Nee pulchro ut Latio careat, regnumque relinquat.
i Tali I us orahat, talefque mi/err imajit'tui
Fertq^ue, refcrtque foror ■■ At
114 Virgil traveftie. Book IV.
At laft flie came unto the Place
Where DiJo's dear jEneas was j
She found him fet amongft his Mates,
The reft o'th' Trojan Runagates,
PuiF'd like a Foot-ball with Vain-glory,
Roaring and dtinking tory-rory ;
Like one that knew a Pot i'th' Pate
Would be a Mile or two o'th' Gate ;
The Trojan had no fooner Tpy'd her,
But though he could not well abide her.
Yet, 'caufe he would part fairly with her.
He afit'd what Wind had blown her thither.
She, putting Finger in the Eye,
(As Women when they lift can cry)
Told him in what a fad Condition
Her Sifter was ; her laft Petition ;
And pray'd him, as he was a true Man^
Not to undo a proper Woman.
• But fhe might e'en have fav'd her Juice,
And kept her Tears for better Ufe.
7 His Refolution ftill oppofes.
He would go, 'fpite of all their Nofes ;
* And like to Hemp, which, as I take it.
The more you twift, you ftrongeft make it :
^ Sed nullis ilk moijetur
Fletibus, aut 'voces ullas traSlabilis audit.
— LachrymeE 'vclvuntur inane s^
7 Fata objiant, &C.
• Ac njeluti anno/am 'valido aim rehcre quercum
Alpini Boreee nunc hinc, nunc Jlatibui illinc%
Eruere inter fe certant, &C. ■ ■
Jp/a h^ret fcopulis. See.
Hand fecus ajjiduis hinc eitqu; hinc locihtis heros
Tunditury • •
Mens immota manit, " < Ev'n
Book IV. Virgil 7ravejiie. 1 15.
Ev'n fo, the more flic try'd to twine him.
She flill more obflinate did find him.
•9 Then Dido madder grew and madder.
No Friends fhe had could now perfuade her;
She llamp'd and llar'd, as Ihc were Wood,
And in her melancholy Mood,
Calling to Mind, in woeful wife,
jEneas and his Treacheries,
How often he had ftabb'd her Honour,
That Men would now make Ballads on her ;
She was refolv'd, without Delay,
* Fairly to make herfelf away.
And meant to put her Refolution
Into moft tragick Execution.
She had, alas ! too juft Incitement
Thus to prefer her own Indiftment ;
And Reafon good, by all Relation,
Thus to proceed to Condemnation :
For fuch Portents, and dire Prefages,
As ftill have been Difafter's Pages,
Foretold her Overthrow fo plainly,
She faw t'oppofe it would in vain be.
f She call'd to wafli, and do you think ?
The Water turn'd as black as Ink j
And that by chance, being Churning-day,
Her Cream moft ftrangely turn'd to Whey !
9 I'um -vera infelix fatis exterrita Dido
* Mortem or at : tadtt caeli coii'vexa tueri.
^io magis incept um peragaf, liuhnque relinquat.,
+ Vidit, tburicremis cum dona imponcret arts,
HornrMm di^u ! I at ices nigrefcere facros ',
Bufaqu.e in ohfccenum fe 'vertcre <vina crusrem.
Hac I'ijum nulli, rten ipft effataforori.
This
ti6 Virgil Travefiie: Book IV,
This Dido faw, but would by no Means
Tell her own Sifter of the Omens ;
But that which gave the moft Perfuafion,
Unto her full Determination,
Was this : She kept Sichaus^ Bones
In a great Coffer made o'th' nonce,
As fundry others have done the like,
By way of fuperftitious Relick,
In a dark Cellar under-ground ;
* From whence each Night a difmal Sound
Pierc'd Dido'?, tender Ear, and wifli'd her.
Nay, like a Hufband admonifh'd her.
To fit her for her latter End,
For why, he told her as a Friend,
That, in a very Ihoft Space, fhe
Should of this World no Woman be.
* The Scriech- Owls too, were her Moleftcrs,
Who ftill were chanting out their Vefpers j
3 Befides, flie had her Fortune told her.
When 'bout fome Doz'n or fo, no older;
That Ihe ftiould but one Hufband have.
And after that, a fcurvy Knave
Should fteal her Honour, like a Thief,
And make her hang herfelf for Grief;
Thefe fad Portents falling fo thick.
And pat on one another's Neck,
• Hinc exaudiri <voces, iS' 'verba njocantis
Vifa --viri ; nox cum terras ohfcura teneret
* Solaque culminibus ferali carmine bubo
Sape gueri.
3 Multaque pr/Ttere^ imfum pradiSla prioriun
Terribili moniiii horrijicanr. ■ ■ ' ■ '■
Put
Book IV. Virgil 1'raveflic, 1 1 7
Put the poor Queen bcfide her Senfes,
As a juft Plague for her Offences.
4 She dreams yEneas now is going,
Like a falfe Friend, to her Undoing,
And that flie muft, when Trojan goes.
For ever lofe her Play-fellows,
Which to the Woman's Caufe fufficient.
Let her be ne'er fo well condition'd.
To raife her to Extravagancies,
When (he muft part with what Ihe fancies.
' Ev'n as a Bitch's Fury up is.
When People come to fteal her Puppies :
So far'd the wrathful Queen that Day,
When Dildo muft be ta'en away :
Shfe was fo much concern'd about him.
She could not, would not live without him ;
But, in her defp'ratc Refolutions,
* Would hang herfelf to try Conclufions.
The Time and Manner ihe projeded.
And, that fhe might not be fufpeded.
She fmugg'd her Vifage up with Smiles,
And thus her Sifter Nan beguiles :
4 agit ipfe furenUm
Jnfomnisferus JEneas, Jhnperque relinqui
Solafibit femper longam iucomitata "videtur
Ire 'viam, — — —
5 Eumenidum •ueluti dement videt agmina Pentbetts^
Aut Agamemnonius_/?f«/.f agitatus Onjlesf
Ergo ubi concepit furias, '
* Decre-vitque mori, tempus fecum ipfot modumqut
ixigit, iff moejiam diilii aggrejfa/orortm,
Conjslium vultu ttgity cu fptm frante ftrsnat :
' Nancj
X i8 Virgil Traveflie. Book IV.
7 Nancy (quoth fhe) I've found at lail,
A Way, for all Eneas' Hafte,
If thou in the Exploit wilt join.
Shall pay him back in his own Coin,
And brii\g him back by our Contriving,
Since he's fo goodly, dead or living.
Seeing the Rogue my Love difgraces,
I'll fpoil his Sport in other Places.
8 A Mile from hence, or fuch a Space,
Down in a Bottom of a Place,
Far out of all Highways and Roads,
"Where nothing breeds but Frogs and Toads,
Snakes, Adders, and fuch wicked Vermin,
That (can they catch 'em) will not fpare Men :
There, in a Cave, lies an old 9 Wretch,
An ugly, rotten, toothlefs Witch,
So old, that one would think ftie were'
The eldeft Devil's Grandmother.
* Now this old Beldam can do Wonders ;^ . .
If fhe but fay the Word, it Thunders,
7 I/t<ven:, germanat 'viam (gratareforofi)
^e£ mihi reddat eum, -vel eo me fol-vat amentim,
^ Oceani fnem juxta, fcle/nque cadentem,
Uhimus Mihio^MTii locus ejl ubi muximut Atlas
Axem humero torquet^ •
9 Hinc mihi Maflyla; gent is monjlrata facer dost
Hejperidum templi cujlos, epula/que draconi
^ua dabaty — — —
Spargens humida mella, feporiferumque papatj$r.
* Hacfe carminibus promittit J'ol'vere mentes
^as <velit ; aji aliis duras immittere curat :^
Sifter e aquamfiwviisy \3 ^erterejidera retro ;
Noiiurnb/qtte ciet manes. Mugire njidebis
Subtedibiit terramt £5* de/cendere montiius ernes.
Liglitena,
Book IV; Virgil Travejiie. 1 1^
Lightens, or Rains, or Hails, or Snows,
Or any Weather you'll fuppofe ;
She'll make & Cowl-ftafF, by her Spelling,
Amble like any double Gtlding ;
And, in the deep o'th' Night, the bafe Hag
Can of a Cudgel make a Race-Nag ;
A Walnut fhe to Sea can rig out.
And of an Egg fhe'll make a Frigot;
Nay, in a Thimble (lem the Flood,
Provide the Thimble be of Wood.
She can, where fhe does owe a Spight,
Spoil any Bridegroom's Wedding-night,
And the Bride's Longing difappoiut.
By virtue of a Cod-piece point.
She can make People love or hate,
Ev'n whom fhe pleaf*, or at what rate ;
And by her Magick and her Spells,
Make Folks, or hang, or drown thcmfelves.
In fhort, there's nothing that has 111 in't.
But fhe has admirable Skill in't.
And does her Mifchiefs too as quick
As any Juggler does a Trick.
* I take the Gods to witnefs. Sifter,
I'm led into this Courfe fmifler,
Out of no End Men wicked call ;
But only for Revenge, that's all ;
And, fince I am fo bafely crofs'd,
I'll have this Hag, or it Ihall coft
More than I'll fpeak of; fhe perchance
May lead my Trojan fuch a Dance,
• TefioTy cbara, Deost ^ W, germana, tuumqut
Dulce caput, magical invitem accingier ancj.
Shall
120 Virgil ^ravejiie. Book IV*
Shall make him glad, as faft as may be.
To come again, and cry Peccavi ;
Or make him hang himfelf at leaft.
For an Example to the reil
O'th' Tribe offalfe diflembling Yeomenf
That take a Pride to ruin Women :
And now, by good Luck, fhe's now hard by here^
Come not an Hour ago to Tyrcy
Sent for, it feems, about no ill Deed,
To blefs a Sow that lies in Childbed ;
And I'll go fetch her, by her Favour,
With a Suhpcena, but I'll have her.
» In the mean time go thou and tie
Faft to the great Beam, where I lie.
The beft new Halter thou canft choofe.
And make a dainty running Noofe ;
Like that fell to the Fellow's Share,
That made a Woman of a Mare.
3 Then take me out JEftaas' Raiment,
All I have left in Part of Payment ;
His greafy Doublet, and his Trowfcs,
Where many a wand'ring Trojan Loufe is :
The Treafure he has left behind him ;
In the great ftanding Prefs you'll find 'nm ;
Stuff me 'um up with Straw or Litter,
The worfe the Stuffing is, the fitter ;
And ram the Tatters with a Vengeance,
As People ufe to ram their Engines ;
Make haile and do as I have bid ye ;
I'll hang the Rafcal in Effigie :
* 7'u/ecreta Pyram teilo i titer: ore fub auras
Srige. -^ Et arma n/iri, thalamo quttfixa rcUquit
Impiusy exuvia/que omnes., le^umque jugalenit
^0 peril, fuperimponas : •< So
Book IV. Virgil ^'rai'ejlie. 121
So I'm advis'd to do, and To,
• I mean to fervc him, if I blow ;
Which, though I cannot wreck my Teen, rt
Will (lay the Stomach of my Spleen yet.
* Thus having faid, the Queen chang'd Colour,
No Clioft could e'er look pitifuller :
One would have thought, by her Dejeftfon,
And by her woeful wan Complexion,
She had been going, jullo'th' fudden, '
To drop, and give the Crow a Pudden.
5 Nat:cy (although ihe faw the Queen
Ready to burft her Hoops for Teen)
And well enough mark'd liow (he look'd too.
Yet, by her fine Pretence, was rook'd To,
Sh.c. did no further oii't confidei,
♦ But went about what flio had bid her :
Dreaming no more than licr lall liven,
DiJo had been fo Icudly given.
Away therefore my Lafs does trot,
And prefently an Halter got,
Made of the beft Arong hcmpcJi Seer,
And, e're a Cat could lick her Ear,
Had ty'd it up with fo much Art,
As Dun himfelf could do for's Heart :
The Rope, and fay t'was got o'th' fudden.
Did prove fo prime a fpeci.il good one,
Thar, with fair Ufage, it might come
To hang up Carthage all and fomc.
— - - ' AhoUre nefandi
Cuniia 'viri monimentajuhet, tnonjlratque factrdos,
Hac effata filet ; pallor Jtmul ocatpat oro.
' Kon tamen Ar\n2i ncvis prtetexey-e fiinera/(ii.ri.'
Germanam credit : nee tantos mente Juvrei
Co7tcipit, atit gra-viora timet, — ....i.
* P-'^ go ] ".(I a par at, F The
122 Virgil Travejlk, Book IV.
The Troja7i Doublet flie had fill'd fo,
'Tvvas very ftrange the Buttons held fo ;
And that the Cramming of his Breeches
Had not quite broken out the Stitches,
His very Stockings, though they were.
About the Feet, out of Repair ;
Yet fhe made fliift to ftuff each Start-up,
And tie 'em to the rell on's Wardrobe :
5 Having thus brac'd him like a Drum,
She laid him out in Z)/Vo's Room ;
*' Difplay'd upon a fair long Board,
Readv, v/hen Di/io ;ja-\e the Word,
To be advanc'd into the Halter,
Without the Benefit on's Pfalter.
Scarce had ihe thus difpcs'd her Trinkums,
When up the Stairs behold the Queen comes,
6 Leading along the old rotten Gammer,
Into her Pliohnefs' matted Chamber.
When fhe was come, and faw the portly
Trophy in that moll noble Sort lie.
As fhe oft-times had feen the Sinner
Lie gorg'd on Benches after Dinner j
She fell again into a PafTion,
Caus'd by a fweet Commemoration
Of pafl Delights, feeing thofe Breeches,
And humbly the old Gib befeeches
To lliew her utmoll Skill and Cunning,
To keep her Trojan Dear from running.
The mumbling Witch bid her not fear,
But reft content, and of good cheax,
5 Exuvias, enjcmque r did urn.
Effigicmque t<-ro Ice at.
^ btant arcc c ire urn, i^ crines ejfufa Sacerdos,
And
Book IV". Virgil Tra~jejlie. 123
And (he fliould fee flie'd make him Itay,
Or foul the Art fliould fay her Nay.
7 With that the Hag began her Charm,
You would have thought flic'd had a Swarm
Of Wafps and Hornets in her Throat,
There came fo ftrange a Humming out :
And, as flie fpoke, her hollow Chaps,
Bound up in two thin fhrivell'd Flaps
Of old abominable Leather,
Like Bellows heav'd and clapp'd together.
Her little Eyes, being fiery red,
Were funk fo far into her Head,
They look'd, when moll fhe ftar'J at full,
Like Farthing-Candles in a Skull.
Her Nofe hung like an Arch, between
Her wrinkled Forehead and her Chin ;
A craggy Paflage, and uncouth.
Over the dreadful Gulph her Mouth ;
And Elf-locks hung fo on each Shoulder.
'Twould make one tremble to behold her.
This Witch a Ribble-row rehearfcs
Of fcurvy Names in fcurvy Verfes ;
Which, by the Manner of her Mouthing,
Was certainly Burli'/que., or nothing ;
And in thefe Rhymes, as round fhe limps.
Calls her Familiars and her Imps,
^ Sprinkling the Chamber, in her Motion,
With a rapid brackilh Loiiorr.
7 J'ercenium tonat ere Deus, F.rfbuinqut, Chaoiqn!',
'^r'ergeniinamque Hecaten, tri-a 'virgiuis ora Dianas,
* Spar/erc^y ^ latias ftmulaios f cutis Averni :
F t lor
124 Virgil Travejlie, Book IV.
For aught Ikno>v, of her own making.
By her much Stirring and Pains-taking.
(9) A red Heart-breaker ne;«t (he mow'd ofF,
A Wart that Dido was full proud of.
And burnt it for a firong Perfume,
And pow'rful Spell to make him come.
Then Hand in Hand to dance they fall.
And grave and folemn Magick brawl, .A
In fuch hard Figures none could tread 'em.
But the old hobbling Hag that led 'em ;
Poor Dido too, alas ! made one.
Although her Dancing Days were done ;
And, though opprefi'd with Woe and Care, cut
Capers, and Tricotec'd it * barefoot;
•}■ Imploring all the Deities,
At every Step, both he's and fhe's,
To turn ^'JLneas back, and make hira
Follow the Work he'd undertaken ;
Or, if he would not turn, t'aftbrd
The Grace to turn him over-board.
Thus to her Footing the poor Jade,
Out of all Meafnre curs'd and pray'd
Awainft her Love had fo offended.
Till Dance and Charm together ended.
9 ^aritur y nafcentis eqvi defronte ri'vul/usf
Et matri prareptus amor.
* Unum exuta pedem 'vinclis, ••
^ejiatiir m^itura Deos,
t Turn, Ji quod non a quo feeder e amantes
Cura numtn halet, jujiumquef memorquet precatur.
I r
Twas
Book IV. V I R <3 I L Trnveftie. 125
* 'Twas now the Time when Candles are^-^ - :'.,:.. ^ , •
Repilev'd by the Extinguifher ;
And Cv'ry Thing to fteep down lies, , )
Dogs in their Kennels, Hogs in Sties ;
And Men and Women reft their Heads
And Heels, on Flocks, or Feather-bed';.
Now Men and Filhes, Birds and Bcaft,
And every thing was laid to reft ;
* All but the woeful Queen (alas !)
Who now was brought unto that Pafs,
What with her Love, and what with Spight,
She could not fi.cp one Wink all Night.
Her Stomach was now piping hot,
3 It boil'd and bubbled like a Pot,
And did (o ftrong a Wambling keep*
She fitter was to fpew than fleep.
Have not you feen an Animal
Yclep'd an Horfe, when in his Stall,
The Botts, that terrible Difcafe,
Doth on his tender Bowels feize,
What Groans he fetches, and what Pranks
He rolling plays upon the Planks ?
So Diiio, crofs'd in her Amours,
Tumbled away her Heeping Hours,
■I ■ I I i i« ^
* Nox erat, U placidum cnrpibant fejfa foporvn
Ccrpora per terras ; Jiivieque, i^ Janja quicrant
JEqnora .•*— —
Cutn facet omnis ager, pecudesy piHccque I'olucrei,
i^trque lacus Ir.te liquidos, qu^que a/per a Aumis
Rura tcnent, fi/inno pofttfc Jub noiif ftlenti
Lenibant cur as, •
* yit HOn infelix anhni Phcenifia, mc unquart
Sol'vitur in /omnis i oculi/ve, aut peilort no'te in
Accipit : ■
I ' ^ Magnoque irarum jiuciuat a'jius
F 3 Now
ruG ViiiciL 7'rave0. Book-JVi
Now on her Back, and in fuch Fafeiwi, ' -' ^ '
As if Ae lay for Confokition J ■/■■■y-^--- -j/i
Now on her Eelly, row her Side,
^^!I Poftures and all Ways {he try'd ;
But all in vain, nothinij would <io,
"^ Her Heart was fo opprefs'd with Woe-
And Love within her did fo rumble,
She.could do nought but tofs hnd tumble : cil
At Jaft, in Midft cf Affitacion. A
^ She thus broke out into a Pafijon ;
Which V/ay, v.oor Du/o, fhould'ft thou ta\n the?.
Whilft cruel Love does thus Heart-burn thcc r
Thcu now of Hope had not one Spark left, ■ I
Th' haft brought thy Hogs to a fair Market.
Not one poor Dram of Confolation,
O Woman vile in Defperation I
What fhall I do in this Condition,
To keep me from the World's Deridon *
^ Shall I invite to be my Spoufe,
Some one I have forbid my Honfe ?
Some faucy proud Numidian Jack,
And humbly becj of him to take
7 jEneas^ Leavings, or, like Trull here.
Run away bafely with this Sculler ?
+ Ifigeminajit cura, rur/u/que re/urgens
Stezit amor,
s Sic adeo infiftit, Jecumque itacorde *oolutat f
En juid agam ?
^ Rur/ii/ne procQs irrifa friorts
Experiar ? Kc7/2adumque fetam cDf:nukiafupOiex»
i^ios ego Jwn totiesjam dedignatn maritos ?
7 Iliacas igitur clqffeSf aique ultima ^cucrum
'JnJJ'afequar ?
■ ' Scla fn^d natitas (cmitaicr cvantex ?
• Or
Book IV. Virgil Tra'veJ^.ie. 127
8 Or fli.ill I raife the Town in Swarms,
And bring him back by Force of Arms ?
Alas, I fear it is no Boot !
Foul Means would never bring him to't.
9 No, no, I'll die ; this Halter yet.
When all Trades fail, ihall do the Feat.
* Ah ! Sifter, Sifter, had'ft not thou
Play'd Miftrefs ^ackly's Office fo,
And foolh'd me up till I grew jollv,
I never had committed Folly :
No, had I made the Icaft Refiftance,
And kept the faucy Knave at Diftance,
I might have us'd him as my lift.
And ne'er been brought to this I vvift.
** Thus lay the wretched Queen debating,
Nan, Fortune, and her Lover rating j
t Whilft he Dram-full with his Potation,
Ne'er dreaming of the doleful Paffiou
He had moft vilely Lft his Drab in,
Lay drunk and fnoring in his Cabbin.
I But Merc'ry, though he flcpt profoundly,
II Made bold to beat up's Quarters roundly.
' Aniyri'ts, cmnique manu /lipata tnecrum
Infcquar ? ■■
S :^in viorere, ut mcrita es, firruque a'verte doUrem,
■ . * 'Tu prima fur ent em
Hist germaua, mails oneras, — —
•• Tanios illafuo rumpibat peiltre quejius,
■\ iEneas cel/d in puppi-,
Carpchat fomnos ■
X Hide je forma Dei — ■■' '■ ■
Qhtidit in fomnis
Omnia Meicuno fmiiis,
.- ■ - !| Rurfiifque it a I'ifa monere eji ;
ynu Diu '- ' F 4 And
128 Virgil Traveftie. Book iV.
vAnd thus 'gan rattle him : Thou loufy.
Mangy, carelefs, drunken, drowfy la-jf-wr't
Coxcomb ! how oft mufti be fent
Hither from Joie to compliment
Your Worlhip to a rev'reut Care
Of the young BaflarJ here, your Heir ?
Whil'll thcu ly'ft tippled, or tippling;
Nor car'ft what Danger the poor Stripling
Lies open to. » Y'ud beft fnore on,
Seme- body will be here anon :
Tal-.e t'other Nap, ^o, till the Queen come,
She'll reckon with you for your In -come :
She'll rouze ye, Fr.ith ! and (Goodman Letch^*)''
'TIs ten to one, with a good Stretcher , , '
About your Ears : Therefore my lovino-
Acquaintance, you were bell be * moving j
Upon my Word th' Advice is wholfome,
Stay not until the angry Soul come ;
For if thou doft, mark what what I fav.
And be'ft not gone b^fore't be Day, *
^ If Car/.^iTg-fbeir't about your Ear?, ' ■"*
As fcon as ever Day appear?, ' ■
And do not thrafh your Back and Side,
Far worie than AgaTmmnsn did
— — ' Potes hoc fub cafu duceri fomms > -
i^.Vr, qua; circumvent te deinde pericula, cernis ;
Demens I — — — —
Ilia doles ■ in peSiore "v erf at.
^ Ntn Jugis hinc pra-cepsy dum pracipitan potejfai P
Eia age, rnmpe nor as : — — — — , ._ _
I Jam mure turbari trabikus, fcevajqtu ^^iktif^ \ -
Coiiuctre facesy\icz. ,' ' « ', ,, ■:7, \,
<5V te his attigcrit terris Aurgrfl mcrantem. . <^^..^-
"thpr
>• »■ '.
Book IV. V,i R c 1 L Travejlie. 129
Thofeof your Woraca-ftcaling Rabble, ,/iy^
Give me but Six-pence, if Uiou'rt able.
And here's my Hand, I dp not fport,
I'll give hee twenty Shillings for't.
♦ Thus having laid, away he Hies, j
E're Tofs-pot could unglue his Eyes,
Which were fo cemented in that Cafe,
The P'^ge was got as far as j^tJas
Back on his Way, e're he could free 'cm
From Gowl and Matter tit to fee liini :
But having Ureak'd and yawn'd a while.
Snorted,^ and kept the ufual Coil
That Drunkards ufe in fuch-'ike Cafe5,
And made fome dozen Devil's Faces j
At laft he go: his Eyes unglew'd
Into a pretty Magnitude,
He (lar'd about to fee the Vifion
Had giv'n that courteous Admonition ;
But 'was fo da:k, as well it might.
Being 'twixt twelve and one at Night ;
That had the nimble Courier
In Kindnefs ftaid his Leifure there,
Tho' clad in Faljiaff'i KcrJal Green,
He coald not pofiibly be i'een.
J jiifreas troubled herewithal.
Seeing he could not fee at all,
Starts from the Tilt where he had lain-.
And calls upon his Mates amain.
* SUfatus, no5ife immifcuit ntrct,
' Turn ifcro ^^neas, Jubitls cxtcrrltus ui/tiris-,
Corri^i: e/cnr.o (crpv!, foJofque fatigat.
F 5 * f<Te
130 Virgil Travefiie. Book IV.
^ Rife, Sirs, quoth he, and look about ye,
/ I've had from Joqje another How d'ye.
His Man was here, and calls to eo ftlll.
His Aveaty Pumps are in my Nofe ftiU.
He fwears, and offers to lay oddson't.
And, if he fay't, I'll lay my — on't.
That if we do not leave the Dock,
And get us hence by Four o' Clock,
We fhall be muider'd, if we were
Ten times as many as we are :
Therefore I think it not amifs for's
To launch, for there are Rods in Pifs for's.
Let us but ply our Oars like tall Men,
Till we be got clear oat of all Ken j
Then, if they have a mind to lace us.
Let Carthage, if they can, come trace us>
8 And thou, O Jo'ue, (top of my Kin !)
Who hitherto fo kind haft been,
9 If now thou flick, and do not fail's,
Let Dido whiftle in our Tails.
Thus having fpoken, and thus pray'd,
* Forthwith he drew his doubty Blade,
And at one Slafh, to all Men's Wonder,
Cut the Coat's triple Cord afundcr :
* Pra-cipiies I'lgllate, <vir';.
7 Deus ft there inijfui at alto,
Fefiiiiare fugam, tortc/qxe incUiere Junes
Mcce iterum Jilniulat. • -
SequiTHur te, fande Decrum,
^.'•fijuis e.r,
9 Adfist O, placiiiu/que jwues, i^ f.dcra cceh
De.yitra ferns !
Dixit ; ^•agiTin^ue erifif Itnfem
rul;nir,£um, Jln^biiue ferit retinaiulafcrrO>
* At
3ook IV. Virgil traveftte. 1 3 »
' At which the Gang, fpurr'd by fo ample,
So mighty and rciiowa'd Example,
Cut aU the rclt, nor Slaying Brooks,
But let the Devil take the Hooks,
And, capping Oars, to work they fell,
Like Men that row'd for good and all.
Had it been Day, no doubt one might
Have then beheld a gallant Sight.
Neptune's great Whifkcrs had not been
So neatly ^ brufh'd as they were then
Of many a Year : Crabs, that did neft
Full deep therein, could take no reft.
3 They lather'd him in the great Bafon,
So admirably well, that Ja/on,
Although ho fhav'd the Golden Fleece,
Ne'er walli'd him half fo well as thefe.
* Aurora now, who, I mull; tell ye,
Was grip'd with Dolors in her Belly,
Starts from her Couch, and o'er her Head
Slipping on Petticoat of Red,
Forth of the Morning Doors fiie goes.
In hafly wife to pluck a Rofe ;
When Dido, who was broad awake.
Hearing the rufty Hinges creak,
Ran to her ' Pecping-hole, to fpy
What was becoir.e o'th' Trcjati'vy. ^
, -...-■ -.-1.— ■
♦ Idem omnes fimid ardor habet : ■— ■--
. RapiuntqitCy ruuntque .'
Lltora deferuere :
y caruhi fcrrufit.
♦ Jdnix: Sor<iuent fpurn/n, .-.••.
♦ F.t ja;it prima i-c-'a fpargebiit ltt)ni)i/''t>'i')-t(i
Tithoni croceun liuqucns Aurora ,:iihth ;
"> Fe<rinai j}ec»!iii ut prinysm etl^/cerp Itufrr
132 ^^ ; ^-.Yj. roil ^rin-ejlk. . Book. 1 V^
But out, slas ! 7 The devil a Sail '^^' " ' ^
Was left i'th' Port ; bare as my Nail
The Dock was ftripp'd ; wliile far from Shore
They row'd as they ne'er row'd before.
At which fad Sight, in Wrath (God blefs. usi)
^ Tearing her dainty yellow Trefles,
She fighing faid, Was ever (ecn
So pitiful an undone Queen !
•'\nd /hall this filthy Trojan Royfter,
Undo, as one would do an Oyfter,
Poor Dido thus, and run away,
JVlaugre what I can do or fay !
Hey, hov/ the treach'rous wenching Knave
Bounces and volts from \^^'^ve to Wave, .
As he were making Ducks^ and Drakes,
Vvith Wherries upon Ncptune^s Lakes !
The Devil fure farts in his Poop.
xAnd puffs his kicking Sculler up ;.
Or elfe fonie dirty Suburb-Drab
Has help'd the Rafcal to a.Clap,
^nd fent a running Nag to Sea,
lie could not elfe make fo much Way.
9 Cannot I burn, or fmk their Floats, y
A loufy Fleet of rotten Boats !
Ye?, I'm a Queens To Sea, my People,
Let none rerncniber he's a Cripple i
7 FiJit, i^ aqiiatis eLi^em frcceJere 'velis^
l.:icrr.que, Cff 'varuos jenjit fine remige pertus.^
• Fl'-i'vcnte/'Jue ahfcijfa comas, Proh ! Jupiter ! ibit
ll'ic, ail, iB noi'Ifis illufsrit aJt'f^a regnis ?
9 iYp« ai->na eypctiiint ? totaque ex urLe j'equeniur ?
_- ■ . tie ; . V Yv ^
Vci-is titi Jliimmas, datc'nela, '..iHUiierertiof^
Eut
Book IV. Virgil "Travepe, 133
But run and row, found and unfound, ■ •
And thofc you kill not, bring Home b6un(i.
' But tarry here, goody Magiftratc,
Your big Commands come now too late.
Poor Dido, Sorrow makes thee giddy.
They're got to Sea five Leagues already,
* Queen, thou art mortal, and muft die
A Sacrifice to Lechery.
Time was thou might'il have fomething done.
But now farewell Dominion.
^ This was our huffing Trojan Captain,
That his fair Mother's Smock was lapp'd iiu
Of twenty Greeks this was the Cob,
And brought his Gods away in's Phob,
And through the Fire, a-pick-a-pack.
Bore the old Sinner on his Back,.
Bed-rid Anchifes ; this was he
Made the brave Voyage o'er the Sea.
rhis was your trufty Trojan, this :
Now he fhews what a Man he is !
♦ Whilft he was here, why did I not
Cut the falfe Rogue's devouring Throat ?
5 Or of his Baftard make a Pye,
And being bak'd in Parte of Rye,
» ^idloquor ? aut ubi fum ? ^<e mentent in/auiti mutat?
Ufelix j:)ido \ —
* tiunc tefa6ta impia tangunt ?
7 um decuit, cum fceplra Jabat. » En dextra, jftdS/^ue f
^em J'ecum pntrios aiunt port are Penates :
:^liumfubujje hipneris confeSlum cetate parentent.^
•* Non potui abreptwn di'vell-ere corpus y. ^ undis" . 'I
Spargeie? . ' . ' • ' "' ' •^•
" S Non iff urn ab/umevs ftirro
Afcanium ■ ■
^ Make
134 Virgil Travejlu. Book IV.
6 Make the good Trencher-man, his nafty
Sire, e.it his Brat for Mutton- Party !
Why did I not, e're this Difgrace,
Kill him, and all his treach'rous 7 Race ?
I then had dy'd reveng'd, where I
Shall now depart mofl fneakingly.
3 Thou, Sol, who didft in pimping Sort,
Becaufe thou would'lt not fpoil our Sport,
Creep into Clouds, that rainy Weather ;
And you that brought young Folks togethec,
9 Procurefs 'Juno, Jo'ue and all
Ye Members of Olympus^ Hall ;
I charge ye, as y're Folks of Fafhion,
Grant this my lateft * Supplication.
If nothing can the Rogue withftand.
But that he muft get fafe to f Land,
Let it be fuch a Land as he
Had better far, upon the Sea,
With all his Comrogues have been drown'd.
Than fuch a wretched Place have found.
May he, where he expefts his Leafes,
Ne'er know what fuch a Thing as Peace is :
, ^ Patrtifque efulandum apponsre menjis ?
« 7 Natutnque, patremqiu.
Cum genere extinxevi ; tni?net Jiipcr ip/a dedljfem,
^ Sol, qui t err arum fiammis opera omnia hjiras :
9 Tuque barutn interpres curarum, IS corfcia Juno,
Nofiurnrfque Hecate
Et (lira; uhricesy &C. ■
. — * Nojlras audite preces ' ' ■
. j- 5/ iangere partus
Infandum caput, ac terrii adnare necf^e sjl,
* But
Octt^f iti^
~n.i-t' ^^1^^- ^ 'cjj:
^liA-^ j/kr ri>^^Jt>in-^ c>v^r^n^42J' //i/'^^u Ajru/s A/r/^^^
Book IV. V I F c I L Travejlle. 1 3^
• But be drubb'd daily Back and Side,
Till his Bones rattle in his Hide.
May he ne'er fleep an Hour in quiet,
But be difturb'd with Rout and Riot ;
Black be his Days, and may his Nights
Swarm with Hobgoblins, Ghofts, and Sprights ;
May Strangers daunt him with Bravado's ;
* And fpirit's Son to the Barbados ;
May he at laft fall worfe than Sea-iick,
And find no Quack to give him Fhylick :
^ No Help for Money, or for Love found.
But let him die and rot above Ground ;
May none give Houfe-room to the Mungril >
Bdt let him perifn on Tome •* Dunghil.
And, when his treach'rous Soul's departed.
Let his foul Carcafs be defertcd,
As Tray tors Quarters Men expofe
To Hogs, and Dogs, and Kites, and Crows.
5 This my laft Pray'r is, hear it then,
I (hall ne'er trouble you again »
And be't your Care, ye Tyrian ^ Nation,
To plague this wicked Generation.
' Bella audacis fopuli 'vexatus, £if armis.
Finihus extorris
Comphxu a-vul/Hs liili,
* ^uxilium imtlorct,
* Videhtque indigna fuorum
Funera :
— Medii':que iiihumatus arcnel.
5 Hue precor, ham ntocem extremam^fundo.
< Turn -JOS, O Tyrii, fiirptm <S ger.us omnefutm-um
Exercetc odlis, cii:enqus hac mittife itojiro
hlumru: „.„
K.:ll
VV6 Virgil fraveftie. Book lY.
Kill 'em like Rats, that T may have ., ^^^
Heaps of the Rogues pil'd o'er my Grave. j>.
7 And may thofe Children that are yet /.
I'o bear, and thofe that are to get.
Torment them ftill by fcand and Water,
And llill may thofe that follow after.
Hate worfe andworfe, that fo it fall,
Thelaft may hate them worft of all.
3 This faid, (he let a Groan, and figh'd
A doleful Sigh, that prophefy'd
The Thread was fpun, and that the Parcce 'I
Would Ihortly cut it without Mercy.
9 In Mind fhe weigh'd, as fhe fat crying.
What kind of Death was beft to die in.
Poifon fhe thought would not be quick,
And, which was 'vorfe, would make her fick ;
That being therefore wav'd, fhe thought,
That neatly cutting her own Throat
Might ferve to do her Bufinefs for her :
But that (he thought upon with Horror,
Becaufe 'twould hurt her ; neither cou'd
She well endure to fee her Blood.
The next came in her Thoughts was Drowning,
That Way fhe thought 'twould be a done Thing
Soon, and with fome Delight ; for why
Sorrow had made her Grace a-dry.
7 Pugnent Ip^fque r.epotes.
Exoriare aliquis nofiris ex ojibus uhor.
m NuUui amor pcpulis, net fader a /unto,
** Hi£C att • —
. 9 Et pares avimum 'verfalat hi Qmtjesji
Invi/am quxrens quamprimufn airumpen lu(;em*
But
Book ly. Virgil Travejlic. 137
But then again Ihe fell a thinking,
She Ihould be fomcwhat long a finking.
Having been ever light of Members j
And, to diUbade her more, remembers,
'Twould fpoil tlie Cloaths might do fome one
Credit when (he was dead and gone.
On thefe mature Deliberations,
She lik'd none, of thefe dying Falhlons :
But looking up, and feeing the Rope
Ty'd to the Beam i'tli' Chamber-Top,
With neat alluring Nooftt, her fick Grace
}'/cn long'd to wear it for a Necklace :
And in that Circle, in Conclufion,
ijhe prick'd the Point of Refolution.
' But an old Woman being by her,
One of her Chatties brought from Tyre^
An ancient Heir-loom to the Queen,
'Caufe (he her Hu(band's Nurfe had been ;
iihe meant to fend her firft away,
On fleevelefs Errand {as we fay)
That fhe might have her Swing alone.
To do her Execution.
- Cicely (quoth (he) go to my Sifter,
Bid her tie up her Head, and wi(h her
To waih ner Hands in Bran or Flour,
And do you in like Manner fcour
Your dirty Golls ; for I intend to
Make a good Checfe, and for a Friend too,
* Twm hreviter Barcen nutricem nffnia Sich«i ;
- Annam, chara riihi r.ttfrixy hue fifie Jororem ^
Dic c-rpus pr/'peret JlwviaU fpargcre Umpba,
. ..... I ■ Tique ip/e piid te<^e tsmt>ora ^jittCi,
■»»•■
O'tft!
13B Virgil Travejlie. Book IV.
O'th' Morning's Milk, let it be her Care
To take the great brafs Pan i'th' Larder,
And fill the Milk into't : And hear ye ?
Take you the large Cheefe-Fat i'th* Dairy,
And fcour it clean with Sand ; bid Joan too
Get on the Pot, that fhe may come to ;
And, when the Cheefe is come, but break it.
And call ; for I'll come help to make it.
3 The hobbling Trot limps down the Stairs,
And now the dcfp'rate Queen prepares,
'- Although her vvoeful Heart did pantle,
To make herfelf a fad Example.
5 Towards the fatal String fhe moves
With tardy Pace, as it behoves
Thofe who, by NicFlas led aftray.
Wilfully make themfelves away.
When fhe came underneath the Halter,
The Colour in her Face did alter ;
Whilfl down her Cheeks round Liquor rowl?.
As if her Eyes had been at Bowls.
Firli fhe beholds, with trickling Eye?,
* jEfieas his moft dear Difguife ;
And as the Trowfes flie furvey'd,
Relieving how fhe'ad been betray'd :
Sighing, cry'd out, 7 O thou who wert
The Joy and Comfort of my Heart,
3
Ilia gradutn Jlv.dio cekrabat amli.
^ At trepida c5 pallida morte futurd
5 Intericra domus irrumpit liminay (jf alios
Corfc(7:J!t fuributrda rogos,
• paulurn lachrym'ts, Cff mente morata,
^ H)c, poJ}quaTr, Iliacas 'vejles., nciupique cuhile
Covfpcxit,
' Dukes exui'ta", dutnfnia, Beufque fmehant ; '
■ Dixifque noviJ/Jma 'verba, Whilll"
Book IV. Virgil TraveJIie. 139
Whllfl: Cafket to my deareil Jewel ;
But, iince the Fates have been fo cruel.
My Grief and Shame, farewell for ever;
And here I prophcfy that never,
Whoever may hereafter wear thee,
Shall mortal Bil^o e'er come near thee.
Farewell, my lateft Leave I take,.
And kifs the Cafe for Ho- Boy's fake.
Thus having faid, flic mounts the Table,
Becaufe, though tall, flie was not able
To reach the Halter that mult tye
Her fall to doleful Deftiny ;
And having, like too apt a Scholar,
Thruft her plump Neck into the Collar,
As 'tis, you know, the hanging Faihion,
She thus began her laft Oration :
* That I have liv'd, quoth ihe, andhow^
I doubt, alas ! too many know ;
But that I now will die, is known
To no one but myfelf alone ;
And if I Nature's Debt do pay, .'<.
And hang myfelf before my Day,
The cenfuring World can fay but this,
Thai I'm the better Pay-mirtrefs ;
And though I die a Death, they fay.
Makes Sufferers themfelves bewray,
And die uncleanly Corpfe j yet I
Shall leave, although I purging die.
And go out ftrong as Candle-fnuft',
A Fame lliuU favour fwect enough.
* nXI, ^, vum dedcrat cur/umfortnna) peregi.
8 For
140 Virgil Travejiie. Book IV.
• Formurther'd Spoufe I've made Amends yet,
As far as Stealing could revenge it,
And made Pygmalion, that undid us,
Pay Sauce for making People Widows.
And, at my proper Cofts and Charges,
A Village built, which for its Largenefs,
9 In a few Years might well have grown
To be a pretty Market-Town,
Had not this Trojan Varlct come
'i'' undo what all my Care had done. '
Then going to turn off: * But muft ii
I go, quoth fhe, andisitjuft, '
1 die like Felon vile, or Traytor, -^
Sans Vengeance on this Fornicator ;
t And whilft the Stallion proudly ftalks itj Jo sftc
Mull J be thus hang'd up for Hawks-meat? ^
Yes, die, as 'twas foret;old thee long fince.
If but to trouble the Knave's Confcience :
Then 'caufe fhe would, to part the fweeter,
A Portion have of //o/>y{/H;' Meeter, A
As People ufe at Execution,
For the Decorum of Conclufion,
Being too fad to fing, fhe fays,
Which, with a Grace like his that penn'd it,
To her great Comfort, being ended,
* Urhcm preecla^'amjlatiit \ ntea marma fidi^t - -^
Ulta iiirum, pocnas inimico a fratrc recepL
9 Felix, heii nimium felix, fi lit or a tantun
Nrinquam Dardaniae tetigijfent nojira carina f
SeJ moriamur, ait ; Jic, /tcjwjat ire Jub unhras.
f Hauriat hunc oculis igr.em crudilis ab alto
Dardanui, ^ noJlra /ecum ferat omir.a nor:$s.
And
T,-
Book IV. Virgil Ti-avejlie, 141
And Ceremonies now complcat,
Proceeding to the final Feat ;
Thus, thus, (quoth fhe) to Shades of Night
1 go, and thus 1 take my Flight.
' With that flxe from the Table fvvung,
And h;ippy 'was the Rope was ftrong
Enough, in fuch a Swing, to rtop her.
Her Grace might elle have broke her Crupper ;
- So have I fecn in Forcll tall, ■■•''-■'' \
From Friendly Cup the Acorn fall, .
And Bullace tumble from the Tree,
As ripe for Hanging, down fell fhe.
She caperM twice or thrice moll finely ;
But th' Rope embrac'd her Neck fo kindly,
Till at the laft in mortal Trance,
She did conclude the difmal Dance :
A yellow aromatick Matter
Dropp'd from her Heels, commlx'd with Water,
Which, finking through the Chamber-fioor.
3 Set all the Houfe in fad Uproar,
All at the firft that they amifs thought,
Was that her Grace had mifs'd the Pifs-pot ;
And wh«n the Stairs they had afcended,
And faw her Majefty fufpended ;
A
' Dixerat ; atque illam media inter tafia ■
* .Ncn aliter, ^itam/timmij/ii ruat hojiihus omnis
Carthago, -
, J It clamcr ad aha
jitria ; concjatn hacckatur fama fer url/emy
.tu>N-- The
142 Virgil travejlie. Book IV;
The Servant?, frighted paft their Senfes,
Tumble o'er Buttets, Forms, and Benches,
And ran to all the next A hidings.
With open Cry to tell the Tidings.
4 Ev'n like unto the difmal Yowl,
When tritlfal Dogs at Midnight howl;
Or like the Dirges that, through Nofe,
Hum out to daunt their Pagan Foes,
When holy Round-heads go to Battle ;
With fuch a Yell did Carthage rattle ;
5 At the firft News poor Nancy fhrieks.
And tearing Hair, and fcratching Cheeks,
Ran up the Stairs, and, like a Fcll-fhrew,
Made all, that ftopp'd her, feel her Elbow j
Till having joftled all Oppofers,
And thruft fome twenty on their Nofes ;
At lail the Place fhe fet her Feet on,
Where Dido hung to dry or fweeten :
6 Was it for this, ah Sifter, Sifter,
That I was fent to G after Jkvijier
To buy a Robe ! ^ Was this, quoth flie.
Your fine Device to cozen me !
Could none a Halter elfe prepare ye.
But I muft be made acceflary I
Why knew I not thy dire Intent, as
I ftill thy chiefeft Confident was ! ,.,^.,
♦ Lamentis, gemituquey 13 fcem'uHO ululaiu
TcSla frernunt ; refonat magtiis plangoribus at her l
Non aliter, quamji. Sec. ■
' jiudiit exatmnis, trepidoque exterrita curfu
XJngidbus ora/oror" fcedans, ^ pedora pugnist
Per mcdios ruit, •
' Hoc illiid, germana, fuit ? — —
■ 7 Me fraude petebas?
Jive rogus ijU mibii hoc ignes, aro'^ue parahant ?
8 \\-hgt:
Book IV. Virgil Travefiie. 143
« Whatdid'll thou know, but kindly I
Might e'en have hang'd for Company ?
But, in thy Ruin, I and all
The People fufi'er, great and fmall ;
And, in tliis wilful Woman-daughter,
9 Th'all hang'd up Carthage Son and Daughter,
* But flay, methinks I am not hally
To clofe thofe lives that Hare fo ghadly :
f Which faid, her Buttocks on the Board
She tofs'd, that all the Chamber roar'd ;
And, being an adlive Lafs, and light,
At one Jump more ftood bolt upright.
X Thrice in her Arms did Nancy catch her,
Thrice thump'd her Bofom to difpatch her.
And thrice her latell Breath did roar,
In hollow Sound at Poftern-door.
II Then Juno, who had ever been
As 'twere fworn Siller to the Queen ;
Hearing the lamentable Cries
That from her Village pierc'd the Skies,
Down towards Carthage bent her Looks,
Where feeing all Things off the Hooks,
■ ^ Comitemqiie for or em
Spre-vifi'i moriens ? eadem me ad fata vociijpi :
Idem ambas ferro dolor, &c.
9 Extinxti me, fiijiie, feror, populumque, patrefqus
Sidcnios, urbemque lua/n ; date, I'ulmra Ijmphis
* Abluam, •
— — f Sic fata, gradus et'afrat' altof,
X Semianhnemque jlnu germanam ample xa foi'eb at
Cum gemitu. Sec. ■-
7er f^e attollens • *
7er re-voluta toro ejt, ■
jj Turn Juno ■
: And
1 44 Virgil Travejfie. Book LV .
And Z)/Vo, in unfeemly Sort,
Hang dangling there ; being forry fort't,
» And loth a Queen in Hempen Tackle
Should to Plebeians be .1 Spedacle;
She call'd a little Emiflary,
That u*'d her Embaffies to carry ;
One Mrs. /r;V, a main pretty
Nimble Houfcwife, and a witty ;
One that, if bidden once, would do't ;
And had the Length oiju?!o's Foot
So right, that, for her Parts and Feature,
She was become her Miftrefs' Creature.
This Girl waa born (as Poet hint to's)
At a fmall Hamlet near Ohmpus,
And though by Birth a Dyer's Daughter,"
Yet had her Friends full well up brought her ;
And, becaufe Juno gave great Wages,
Preferr'd her thither for a Pagefs.
Her Juno call'd away from Starching,
And, big with Tears, bid her be marching,
* Put on her Wings, and fwiftly clip it.
To cut down Dido from the Gibbet.
Irisy when young, had learn'd to fly
(As Youth is full of Waggery)
Of a tame Jack-daw that (he had,
And for her Journies, lately made
Fineparty-colour'd Wings to fly in.
No worfe than of her Father'.. Dying ;
' Longum miferata dolorem
* Irim demifit Olympo,
^a luSlantem animatrti ne,xo/qtie n/cl'virct artus.
Book IV. Virgil I'ravejlie. 14^^
Who, knowing that his Daughter was
To be preferr'd to fuch a Place,
And what fhe muft b'employ'd about.
Had fpar'J no Coft to fet her out :
' At the Command of Heaven's Goddefb,
She tics theie Wings fad to her BodJice,
VVhich waving did adorn the Sky
With all the fair Variety
Of Colours that the Rain-bow (hows.
When clad in her moft gaudy Cloatlis.
Full fwift (he flew, till, coming near
Carthage, fhe made a Chanccllcer,
And then a Stoop, «hen, having fpy'd
Queen Didoes Window llaring wide ;*
Set open, you may well prclumc,
(As there was Caufc) to a.ir tlie Room,
She nimbly, to all Folks Amazement,
Whips like a Swallov/ through ihe Cafemeni.
- O'er Dido's Head Hic took her Stand,
And cries, whilll flourifiiiiig a Brand,
Sent down from Juno Queen come I,
Epilogue to this Tragedy ;
And thus, O Dido, fet thcc loofc
From Twitch of fufibcatinp Noofe.
■ Ero Iris croceis per tcelum rofcida pennis^
Mille t rah ens ■varies adverfo Sole co lores,
Devolaty »
Et fupra caput afiitit : Hunc ego Bit!
Sacrum juJJ'afero, teque ijto car pore foho
_ s,
*\
* \
7/Uich
146 Virgil Trairjiie. Book IV,
* Which faid, and tolTing high her Blade
With great Dexterity, the Maid,
f O wonderful ! ev'n at one Side-blow,
Spoil'd a good Rope, and down dropp'd DiJo.
» sic ^.ii
t Et dextrd crinemfecat : cmiiis l£ una
pilapfus calory cique in 'veniQs -vita recejjit.
The End of the E fourth BOOK.
Burkfqiie
Burlefque upon Burlefque :
O R, T II E
SCOFFER SCOFF'D.^
Being {blue of
LUCIA N's
DIALOGUES
Newly put into
Engli/h Fuftian,
i For the Confolation of thole who had
' rather Laiidj and be Merrv^ than be
Merry and Wife,
By CHARLES COTrON, Efq;
The S E V E N iM-i Edition.
L N "D O N :
Printed in the Year M.DCC.LXV.
y.t^,mf>y d(i'
Merai)!y S^f^/ciircJ^i7fa/z^/\
[ '49 ]
PROLOGUE.
^Entiles, Behold a Rural Mn/e,
III home-fpun Robes, and clouted S/joes,
J^rtfents you oldp but nevj tranjlated AV'i'.v.
We in tlfi Country do not /corn
Our fVaUt ^Vith Bidiitdi IS adore t
Cy Patient Grizell, and t/;>£ lord o/Lornt,
Old Tales, eld So?igSt and an eld jfeji^
Our Stomachs eajily^jl digrjt ;
Jndt of all Plays f Hi^xonymo' s the hejl.
We bring you here a Fuftian-/;>f^,
Writ by a merry Wag of Greece,
Which yet the Lea?-}:ed fay^s not 7nucb atnifs,
And, ifgainji Style except you pall.
We miijl acquaint you once for all,
^Tis but Eurlefque /// the Original.
The SubjcSl is ^.\;ithout Offence,
Do but fame fmutty Word difpenfe,
We^ II make amends ivith Rhime, if not ivith Sen/e.
G 2
Bejidts,
350 PROLOGUE.
Bejides, you muji not take a Picque,y
If he fometimes /peak plain and gleek ;
Without that Licenfe he could be tio Greek.
But nve our/cl'vei fo hate Prophanen,
And all Corrupters of good Manners y
lull's qualifed for all Entertainers :
j^nd is fo %vell reform^ d from Riot,
His Book is inadefo •■wholfcrne Diet,
Virgins and Boys can run no Danger by iz.
But nvhy a Vrologneyou vjillfay.
To nvhat nor is, nor'' s like a Play ?
That I expeil you in my Dif? Jhould lay.
Why, though this Antick nevj-'vamp\l Wit
With no fuch <vain Dejign was ivrii^
That it Jhoiild either GaWry^ Box, or Tit :
Tct my reno-xvned Author fays,
Thcfe Scenes ii-ith thcfe inay pafs for Plays
Were ivrit i^th'' Dut chefs cf Days,
But fe is gone (J fpeak it quaking.
The feej>ing Lionefs for -xvakingj
To vjrite in a neiv World of her oivti making.
And, noav that Jhe has fiut the Pit,
} OH e'ven muJi contented ft.
And take fuch homely Fare as you can get.
I
Fit
PROLOGUE.
Per This, the Rhimer fays that penned it-,
For a fine Piece ^tivns not intended.
Since in a Month 'tivas loth begun and ended.
Sonic Fa'vour he expels therefore,
And does your Mercies (Sirs) implore
On oi:e that never troubled you before.
But yet he bid. me, e're I ^vent hence,
To tell you, that, wbatc*er^s your Sentence,
J t pall not cofi him half an Hour's Repentance.
151
^3
Pro-
( 152 )
Prometheus, or Caucalusi
UL
CTUE Author, (nuho, no doubt, had Wit)
This Piece of Railery then a^'rit,
When Paganlfm nvas^ in Fajhion- ,•
By this ridiculous Narration
To beet into the E rains o'th^ rude
Andlcgger-hccidcd Maltltiidg,
^ hat 'what the moanton Poets feign-.
Of one Prometheus, is I'ain,
And ft to he (here be it f aid)
By none hut Coxcombs credited.
Wherein his Meani^ag further ii
To take a~vay th' Authorities
Of lyes and Fables, ivhich did pigeon
The Rahhh into falfe Religion,
Which alfo -vja, his Drift ('tis odds J
hi to' other Dialogues o*th' Gods ;
Ofnvhich, (khhereplac'dfrfofa^i
Scans to be Cr.ptain-GeneraL
D I A-
( i5S )
D I A LOG U E.
Vulcan, Mercury, and Prometheus.
>
Mere. CO, now to Cnuca/us we're got ;
Come, Vulcan, let us look about
For fome good Rock, where we may fall
To nailing fail the Criminal.
'Tis more than Time that we had done it ;
But let's chufe one has no Snow on it ;
That of both Manacle and Gie-ve.
The Nails we to the Head may drive ;
And one that alfo on each Side
Does open lie to be defcry'd,
That Pajftngcrs may be aware on't.
And the Rogta'^s Shame the more apparent.
Fukan. Content ; but we mull nail him lb,
That he may neither hang fo low.
That Mortals, foon ?.'^ tiiey faall fpy him,
jVIay prefently come and unt;. e him ;
Nor mud we faften him fo high.
As to be out of Reach of Eye :
The Torment then would be unknown,
That's meant an exemplary one.
Therefore be rul'd by my Advice,
We'll hang him on this Precipice
rth' iniddle of the Mountain there.
Chaining one Hand to this Rock here,
G 4. T'othei
154 Bur lefiue upon Bur}ejqtie\ Or,
T'other to that that's oppcfite,
And there he will hang fair in fight ;
Vv here Friend and Foe at Ea^e may viev/ him.
But 'the grand De-vil CTinh get to him.
Merc. I like thy Reafons wond'rous well ;
They both are inacceffible, '■' '"''• '
Come (Sit Prometheus) ifyoupleafe,
And mount a Step for your own Eafe ;
Nay, never hang an Arfc for th' Matter,
It is in vain to cog and flatter :
Come on, I fay, ajid ne'er draw back for't.
Or thofe large Lugs of yours t\-ill eraek for't ;
Why when, I fay 1 come mount apace.
And liang, Man, with a handfome Grace.
Prom. Haul me not, prithee, on this Fafnion,
Eut take feme fmall Ccmmiferation
Upon a pani're Diahle,
Unjuftly made thus miferable.
Merc. What I I believe thou art fo kind
(Thou bear'fl a very loving Mind)
To have us trufb'd up in thy room
For difobeying great Jon.'e''s Doom !■
Do'rt think this Caiuafus to be .
Too little to hold all us three ?
Or would it Comfort be to thee
T'have Fellows in ihy Mifery ?
Ycur Servant, Sir, v/e thank you kindly,
Ardin Return we mean to bind ye.
Where any Friend you have may find ye.
Ccm'e (i'/r) your Right-hand ; Vulcanj drive;
Well driven, o.s I hope to li-vc !
Such Things I fee thou haft an Art in ;
That Hand I wz.rxs.\\X/s fi'J} for Jiarilng^
Corne {Sir) your left \ here, ftrike again,
j^Tid -dtive this Home -with might andmaiiu Ha!
the Scoffer feoff \L i SS
Ha ! ha ! old Smutty-face, well fuid,
Th^hajl hit the Nail (I'Jhith) o'tl/ Iliad.
Here, here, now take me this right Leg,
And drive me here another Peg.
Well faid ! here make me this fall too.
And then there is no more to do.
*Zlid, thou halt dene it to a Hair :
So, now {Sir) you may take the Air,
And may contemplate all alone;
The P''ulture will come down anon
To prey upon your Entrails, Don ;
A Recompence, a worthy one,
For your moll fine Invention.
Prom. Oeentle Mother fcir.'/i that bore mc.
And in thy Throws didft loud groan for me ;
Thou Solum, and Japetus too,
Mas the Day, what fhall J do ?
What ! mull I undergo tais Woe-thing,
And fufFer thus for doing nothing i
Merc. No ! cairil it nothing (ivickcd Beajl)
To cheat great Jcve at a great Fealt !
To give him Cones (a Trick that new is)
Smear'd over with a little Bre-ivis,
And keep the bed o'th' Meat (forfooth)
For your own Worfhip's dainty 7'oot/j !
Bcfldes, I wonder much {Wi/e-aker)
Who 'twas that made you a Man-maher /
That fubtle crafty Animal ;
And Woman too, the worft of all !
And then to Ileal the Fire from HsavcHy
Which only to the Gods was given ;
And that thc-y prize above all meafurc
Much more than all iheir other Treafure;
G 6 After
1^6 Burl efqiie upon Bur kfqtie ', Or^
After all which, hall thou a. Face, •
So varnifh'd, ray, fo vamp'd with Erafs ;
Or rather fteel'd with Impudence,
To preach to us thy Innocence !
And to complain thou haft wrong done thee '
Thou Kvicked Rogue, now out upon thee !
From. Haft thou the ftony Heart to rate
And ufe me thus in this Eftate ?
And to reproach me for things here.
For which, by all the Gods I fwear.
And all of them to Witnefs call
That dine and fup in Je've''{^.\t Hall,
I deferve rather, than this Doom,
A Penfion i'th' * Prytoniim. * The Ex-
And if thou would'ft but give me Leifure, che^ua- of
In Sadfjefs, I could take a Pleafure, Athens.
(-For all, I know, thou muft do glory
l':\ thy renowned Oratory)
Now with thee to difpute the Cafe,
And argue't with thee Face to Face :
To baffie in thy Perfcn here
Thy mighty Mailer Jupiter.
Take then upon thee his Defence
■Vith all thy mighty Eloquence,
\vA make't appear that he has Reafon.
■'Tq cliainme here this bitter Seafon,
In Profpedl of the Cafpian Torts.,
To which the tj^ading V/orli reforti.
To all thofe Crowds of Men to be
i\ Speftacle of Mifery ;
Yea (and what's more) of Horror, ev^n
'i'o ^ry/Zv^?//, to whom is giv'n, /« cfp,^ ^^
By all that have been hither * driv'n, \thor mea^ts
The Name of bloody 'ft under Heav'n. J driven by
J^ecrJJity of Tradings as nxell as by the Winds ^
\
The Scoffer feoff' d. 157
Merc. Faith, thy Defence comes now too late;
But, if thou haft A mind to prate.
We'll give thee Hearing, and we may i
For we are here enjoin'd to ftay
Until we fee the * Pigeon-dri^uer * The VuL
Come down to prey upon thy Liver. ture.
In the mean time we'll fhewcur Breeding
In our Attention to thy Pleading ;
Make ufe of Time then, and be quick
In pounng out thy Rhetorick,
'Twill doubtlefs raviHi ; for I heir
l^hou art a mighty Sophijier.
Prom. Nay, to fpeak firft it is thy Part,
Bcaufe thou my Accufer art ;
And, in fo doing, take heed, pray,
You don't your Mafter's Caufe betray :
Smifg here (hall ftand by, and be mute,
And be the Judge of our Difpute.
Viilc. Who, I be Judge agninft my Father I
Thy Peacher and thy Hangman rather.
For having my own Forge bereaven
Of Heat, by ftealing Fire from Heaven.
Prom. Why then I'll tell you what to do,
Vour Accufations fplit in two ;
* Thou of the Theft to fpeak hadft beH, * Speaking
And let him handle all the reji % to Vulcan. .
T'other Offerees leave to him :
And alfo it would ill befeem
The God of Thieves, in open Seflion,
To fpeak againft his c-mh PrvfeJJion.
Vulc. No, no, to meddle I am loth,
Mercurj^ here fhall fpeak for's both ;
He is a Qlerk of better Reading,
For my Part, I've no Skill in Pleading :
He
158 Biirlefqi& upon Burlefque \ 0;\
He has been bred to't, I was ne't*
Cut out to be a Barr:jhr ;
My Head too heavy was and logger.
Ever to make a Fetifoggcr ; •
rU ne'er deny it, I've more Art
In clouting of a crazy Cart :
But hehy Bawling, 'tis well known.
Has gotten many a good Half-Crown ;
And by that Trade has got his Living,
(For all thy Talk) as well as Thk'ving.
Vierc. It would require a tedious lime
Piecemeal to handle ev'ry Crime
Of which thou, loufy, mangy, iihhy.
Abominable KnaWy art guilty :
Nor is't enough, in running Fafhion,
Barely to name each Accufation :
But, fince my Gentleman confefies,
Nay glories in his Wickedneffes,
My TaCc.by that fo much the lefs is.
And it great Folly were to babble
A great long tedious Ribble-rabble
Of Crimes would load a Council-Table,
And go about, with grave Sentences,
To prove a Bead-Roil of OiFences,
Of which, without being fo ftrift.
He is by his own Mouth convift ;
And therefore I fhall fay but this.
That undeniably it is
The greateft Injury can be
To Jupiter'f> great Clemency
So often to relapfe into
Crimes {Sir) for which, you full well knew
The Gallows were long fmce your Due ;
And,
The Scoffer fcofd. 1 59
And, in Defiance Hill of Heaven,
To fin as often as forgiven.
PrcjK. A great Cafe in few Words laid open ;
Learnedly has your Worjhip fpoksn :
Goo.l Majicr Serje.Tuf, y'ave undone "i
The Laixyers ev'ry Mother's Son : >
*Tis Pity but you had held on, j
It was fo pithy an Oraticn.
But now how wife your Accufation
Is in the Subftance, would be known.
And that (5.>) we fhall fee anon.
But fmce you think ye've faid enough.
Without one Syllable of Proof,
I'll enter into my Defence,
To anfvver your great Eloquence.
And, firll and foremolt, here I all
The Godi in Heaven to witnefs call.
It pities me to th' Heart to fee
That the great 'Jupiter fhould be
So out of humour, and fo grum.
Ad to pronounce this heavy Doom,
Not only on a Man, but even
A God who has a Right in Hca^oert,
One of the merriefl of boon Blades,
And one too of his old Comrades,
Nay, one that fometime (much Good do him)
Has been full ferviceable to him :
And all this only for a Jell
I put upon him at a Feafl !
But, had I thought he'd been {•:i lodden
Of his bak'd, fry'd, boil'd, roall, and fodden,
I fliould (I am not fuch a Neddy) ^
Have jelled v/ith fome other Body.
Thoa
1 6o Burlefque upon Burkfque > Or^
Thou know'ft what Liberty of jefling 'u-gtuiq evr-' C' ?*
Every one takes when tl ey are feaftin^j ylm:) :
Where we throw Cufhions, Chairs, and §t(X)ls,
And rone but Children, ©rbiere F;obls».
Any Thing ever do take ill,'
Let a Man do whate'er he wiu :
But evernaore the better Sort
Turn all to Railery and Sport.
But for one, of the State that his Is,_
To let fuch a poor Thing as this is,
(Scarcely the Shadow of Wrong)
Lie feiVring m his Heart fo long.
And to this damnable Degree
To vvreak his Anger as you fee,
/» ffTj/ poor 'Judgment, is a Part
So much below the gen'rous Heart
Not only of a God to do.
And of all Gods the So'v're'ign too ;
But even of a Gentleman,
A civil and a well-bred Man :
For if fuch honeft Liberties,
Such Paftimes, and fuch Tricks as thefe,
Muu baniih'd be from merry Aleetings,
I fain would know what at fuch Sittings
There will be left to do, but fill
One's Guts like Brutes, fo munch and fwill ?
Which is unfit, (if I am able
To judge) of any civil Table.
I did not then, I fwear, imagine
He would have taken't in fuch dudgin ;
Or that he'd had fo little Wit,
As the next Day to think of it ; ,
Much lefs he wo«ld have been fo canker'd,
So id\.(^^ Brother of the Tankard,
The Scofer fc»ff'd, i6i,
As to have plaguM me in this fort
For what I only did in Sport.
What if in Play I made one Mefs
Than others fomething wcrfe andlefs.
And ofter'd 'em to his refiifing,
Only to try his Wit in chufing ?
Was that fo heinous an OfFence,
He mull bear Malice ever fince,
And nocrifli fuch a dam.n'd Malignity,
As if the uttermoft Indignity,
Both to his Perfon and his Croiurr,
I ofter'd had that e'er was known ?
i]ut come now, at the tw/y? let's take it.
And tnak^t as ill as ill can msike it :
Suppofe, more than thou didft at firft,
Not only that his Share was worft, •.
Bat that he'd had no Part at all,
Mu.t he for this make iill this Brawl ?
And muft he (as th'old Saying is)
Tor fuch a trivial Toy as this,
(A Thing indeed not worth a Feather)
Shuff.e both Hea-ven and Earth together ?
And, of one Meal for the great Loflce,
Of nothing talk but Stocks and Crofl'es,
Rack?, Gibbets, and thefe new Devices
Of Vultures, Rocks, and Precipices !
Let him take heed, when this is bruited.
That this Proceeding ben't imputed
To an Unworthinefs of Spirit :
I promife you I greatly fear it ;
For a great Thing I fain would knovv.
What would this Thia-J''rsr flick to do,
Who makes this llrangc unhea-'d-of Clutter
For loofing of his Bread and Butter r
1 6z Burlefque upon Burlefque \ Or,
How many Men would, fcorn this odd,
This ftrange Proceeding of a God!
Does any Hijlory relate.
That ever Man of any State
So greedy was, or paiTionate,
To make, or put his Cook aivay.
For licking of his Fingers, pray t
Or if a Tripe, or fo, he rifles,
One ne'er regards fuch pretty Trifles ;
Or, if one do chadife him for it,
'Tis only with a Kick, or Whirrct :
Rut, forfo fmall a Peccadil,
To fend a Man up Holborn-Hill
An Aft is of an odious Dye,
And an unheard-of Cruelty !
Thus much to fay I've ta'en Occafioil
To th' /irlt Point of my Accufation j
Wherein fo pitiful's the Matter
Which docs my Innocence bjfpat.er.
That (though I do not often ufe it)
I almoft bluih'd but to excufe it ;
They then may fure blufh well enough,.
Who charge me with fuch nxretched StuJ:".
Let's now to the next Charge proceed,
. And that's a heinous one indeed,
The making Man ', wherein I am
To feek 'gainft what you would declaim :
Whether the Thing a Crime you call
Confift in making Man at all ;
Or that it only is the Faplon
That wants your "Wqrfliip's Approbation ?
But we'll examine loth, that's fair ;
And to iW&frJl, Ido declare,
The Gods fo far from lofmg are
}
Anv
The Scoffer fcofd. 165
Any thing by this new Creation,
■r'hat'(if they would be Folks of Fafliion,
And with their Neighbours would be quiet)
They're infinitely Gainers by it :
And (though they will be fo outrageous)
For them 'tis much more advantageous.
That there be Men, tho' they be evil,
Dcform'd, and v/icked as the De=vily
And good, or bad, or low, or tall,
Than that there fhould be none at all.
And (hack into paft Time to go)
in the Beginning, you mull krvow,
J'he IVorU, which now no Tenants wants,
S:ive(7tfrt'f, had no Inhabitants.
At which good Time the Earth (alas !)
Nought but a vafl: wild Defart was.
All overgrown with Trees and Buflies,
Manfions for Blackbirds, Jnys, snd Thrujhes,
Where there no Riding was, but Walking,
Good [lore of Game, but no good Haavking',
Where Herds and Deer did graze and fill 'era>
But no-body to hunt and kill 'em,
From whence (Sir Merc'ry) by your Leave,
Do you in your wife Head conceive
Come all thofe goodly wcll-till'd Fields,
That fo good Wheat and Barley yield ;
Whence thefe fine Gardens with their Flowers,
I'he Temples with their ftatcly yoit-w/.
Of Altars all this mighty Store,
And Statues which the World adore.
And fcveral Things that I could mention *
Yr\^x. from Man's Labour and Invention :'
Tjierefore as I, who from a Groom,
No bigger than a Miller'' s Thumb, Have
1 64. Burlefque upon Burkfque -, Cr^
Have Hill been taking daily Pains, -&sA
And cudgeling about my Br aim
To find Inventions out that fhou'd.-.
Conduce unto the publick Goodi.,^.' . ■
V/as muling after my old rate, 'v^
-And meditating this and that, >i
An old Diogenes in Tub-like, ''
For fomething ufefal to the Publick j
As Poets fing, without delay
I took forne Water and fome Cla/j
And, temp'ring tliem together * thus, • Betnvixt
E'en made a Man like one of us, i>,V FPtger
Wherein Minerva was an Actrefs, and his
(I'll not conceal my Benefaftrefs) Thumb.
And this is all, as 1 am civil j
That I committed have of Evil,
A mighty Matter (without doubt)
For Jove to keep this Stir about !
But what complain the Gods of, trowi
What is it that offends them fo ?
Do not my Creatures them adore ? - /
Are they lefs Gods now, than befote
I undertook this Puppets Trade,
And Male and Female Babies made t
For but to fee how Jupittr
Does fret, and fume, and ftamp, and ftare, :
Threaten and huff, and fwear and fwagger..
And clap his Hand on Dudgeon Dagger,
A Man v/ould think that he hud loft
The half of his Eflate almoft,
At leaft his Grandfather's S.^al-Ring,
Or fome moft dearly-beloved Thing.
What ? is his Majefty afraid
Thofe dapper Fellows I have made, Againfv
^'~. 1(^e Scoffer fceff*d. ' 16,5
Agalnft his Pow'r Ihould rant and roar.
As did the Giants heretofore ! . v lo'S
Or, it" they fliould turn M«/i//^(»r/, ? ■':
Which yet they dare not for tljeir Ears,
Is he, who Could the Soi)s of Til an
(For all their Huffing) make be. — -- 'cm.
Much more reduce them all to Reafon, ,
CJrown feebler ;toT.v;, .than at that-^eafon ?
The Gods then, by my fine Device,
Suftain no kind of Prejudice ;'
JSut^.tD ftiew forth. and' make it plain,
-That th.ey by my Invention gain,
D9: but behold the Earth which was ,
Iw fpriper Days a barren Place^j j A(i-; i , ' ;
With Thorns and Brambles over-fpread ; '
But now improv'd and hufDandcd,
Affording Thipgs innumerable
To cloath Man's Baak, and ftore his Table ;
For of itfelf it nought produces
But Crabs, and Fruits of fowre Juices :
Nay, e'en the Sea is. in fome Fafhion
Appeas'd and tam'Aby Navigation.
The Iflauds are inhabited,
The World's round Face with Citiis fpread,
Where Men do facrificc, and piay
On many a merry Ihlj-day.
In fticrt (as the fmall Poet fays)
Temples, Towns, Streets, nay, the High-way.s,
(As oft as Pco:lc travel there)
Are all brim-full oi Jupiter.
Again, if one could make a Story
.1 hat I had aim'd at my own Glory
In doing this, it fom. thing were :
But it docs contrary appear, *or,
1 66 Bur kf que npn Burlefque ; Or,
For, 'mongfl: fo many Fanes that rife
To fiich a Cre-Tv o^ Deities;
Of any one didft hear't related
Unto Pro7nethev.s dedicated ?
V/liich does fufficiently declare.
That I riy own particular
Honour and Intereft have negleded, 1
And, but the Publick, nought refpeded. jl
Confider further {Mercurs) ^
That that we call Felicity, I
Without a Witnefs lookine on. \
Can -be but an iniperfetfl one ;
And that, if Mortals there were none I'
To fee this great Creation,
. The World would be but a dead Mafs,
And our Advantages much \tk,
<'rho' the Grange Fabrick will require it)
In having no one to admire it,
Again, as Things to us are known
But only by Comparifon ;
So, if unhappy Men were none.
Oar Happinefs would be unknown ;
And forfuch Benefits as thefe,
In Head of giving me large Fees,
At leaft great Honour for Reward,
You crucify m-e, which goes hard ;
That Smart unto my feeling Senfe
Muft be my Virtue's Recompence.
But what ! there are Aduherers,
Murtherers, Robbers, Ravifhers,
Perhaps you'll argue, amongft Mv; .-
Why, if there are, I pray what then ?
Are there not amongfl Us the fame.
As void of Honefly and Shame ? And
}
The Scoffer feoff' d. 167
And yet for this we don't condemn
The Heav'n and Earth that nourilh'd them.
But you will add, perhaps, this more.
That we've more Trouble than before,
And are put to't to find Supplies
For many more Neceffitics :
Whoever heard, I know would fain,
A Shepherd of his Flock complain
For Fruitfulncfs, tho' they yean'd double,
Becaufe they help'd him to more Trouble ;
If painful 'tis, 'tis profitable.
Nay, pleafant too, and honourable ;
And this Advantage brings with't too,
It finds us fomething Hill to do ;
Whereas we otherwife fhould go
With Hands in Pockets ev'ry Day,
And nothing have to do but play ;
Or fwill and guttle ev'ry Day,
With NcHar and Ambrojia,
But that at which moft vex'd I am.
Is to hear thofe the moft exxlaim
Of Men, who leaft can be without 'em.
And, if they Women meet, do rout 'em.
For the fine Knacks they wear about 'em.
And though they keep this mighty Pother.
Do love them more than any other.
Nay, and each Day to thoufand Shapes
Transform themfelves to aft their Rapes,
And not contented (as they fay)
To take a Snatch, and fo away :
But, that they may ftick longer to't,
Ev'n make them CoddeJJis to boot.
But fome may fay, that I had Reafon,
And that Man-making was no Treafon, Only
\
1 68 Bnrhjque upon Burlef(jue\ Or^
Only it fhould not have been thus.
To make him like to one of Us.
And could I in ingenious Noddle
Have chofen out a fitter Model
Whereby my Art might be exprefs'd.
Than that J knew was perfedlcll }
Had I begun my Making-Trade
With Four-legg'd Beafis, and Brutes had made.
Perhaps it would have been no Sin,
And I no Criminal had been :
But from fuch Creatures of mere Senfc,
Devoid of all Intellipence,
With Faces prone, and Looks dejeifled.
What Service could you have expelled ?
The Gods had been, v.ithout Difputc,
Moll rarely-worfhip'd by a Brute :
A great Bull would have been, I fear.
But an obllrep'rous WorHiipper,
And bellowing Prayers, I'm afraid,
GrQ&i "Jupiter would have difmay'd.
An JJ's or Hcr/e, in fenfelefs wife,
V/ould bray or Vy-linnj Liturgies.
To hear (Sir Merely) it v.'ould fear ye,
A V/olf brawl out a Mifcrere ;
And t'hear a Lion, worfe than that.
Roaring out a Mayr.ljicai.
Come, come {my Myhn) faylmuft
That you are horribly unjuft,
You flick not far as Egypt roam
Only to fnuff a Hecaicmb,
And him the Caufe, your Malice dooms.
You Jltars have and Hecatombs ;
But come, enough of this ! Let's on
To jny laft Accufiiticn, ^'^g
The Scoffer feoff' d, iS^^
The Stealing Fire. And firll, have I
fmpoverifli'd any Deity,
By having given it to Men ?
Or have you now lefs Fire, than whca
I had therewith infpir'd no Creature ?
And is it not the proper Nature
■Of that warm Element to dart
Its Rays and Heats to ev'ry Part,
And yet ftill to continue Fire,
Keeping. its Virtue ftill entire ?
Then what a vain Objeilion's this,
A poor Teich-, and a tneer Caprice,
.Below, and unbefitting all
Thz Poets Bcn.faSisrs call !
Befides, had I purloined ev'n
To the lafl Spark of Fire in Hcav'n.,
I had not wrong'd the Gods a Bit ;
They boil no Pot, nor turn no Spit :
For your Ambrcfta does not need
To be or haJJj'd, or fricafy'iL
A Cook may there forget his Trade,
\Vhere nor Pottage, nor OgJio's made;
Wjiereas poor Men, co^-itrariwife.
Want it for their Neceflities,
[f for no other Ufe at all
But t'facrificc to you withal.
Do you not love to fmell the Roall
Of a <^ood Rammifli Holocauil ?
So that 'tis plain (for all Pretences)
You fpeaU againfl your Confcienc^5
1 wonder (hang me if I don't)
Since this is fuch a great AfiVoiit,
And of your Fire fince you're fo sva:y
You ha'nt forbid Do/i Ltuninary
H T'im-
1 7© Burlefque upon Burl ef que ; Or^
T'impart his Light, which is, I'm fure,
A Fire more glorious and more pure ;
And that, t'o'erthrow the Ufe of Dial,
You do not bring him to his Trial,
For having thus, without all Meafare,
Profufely fquander'd out your Treafurc, /
And, like a treach'rous Truft-breaker,
Leudly embezzel'd your Exchequer.
This is (you Pair of yo'z;^'s Bumbailiffs,
Or Hangmen rather) Sum totalis
Of what I'd for myfelf to fay ;
If you confute me can, you may ;
But (fcr I ever lov'd Pain-dealing)
{pMcr<urj, thou God of Stealing)
To tell thee the plain Truth o'th' Story,
'Tis pail, I doubt, thy Oratory ;
Eut do me right, pledge arid 'ti.i>ere Water J
Reply, altho' net much to th' Matter.
Merc It is not eafy (I confefs)
To baffle fuch a Plate of Brafs ;
For, in my Days, I ne'er did hear
So impudent a Soph:JIsr.
And well's thee 7///«Vr's not near thee.
Who, had he chanc'd to over-hear thee,
I considently do alTare thee,
Thou vvonld'll have fo provok'd his Fury,
By fland'ring him under Pretence
Of pleading in thy own Defence ;
So vilely fland'ring him, that he.
For fuch a grand Indignity,
Would, in his burning Indignation,
Have fent thee down, inftead of one,
A dozen Vultures of a Feather
To prey upon thy Lungs together. But
The Scoffer feoff' d. 1 7 1
But tell me why thou, being a Prophet ^
(For furcly thou kncw'ft nothing of it)
Hadft not the Knowledge to forcfee
The Evil was to fall to thee ?
Prom, Oh {Mercury) hold thee content ;
One may forefee, but not prevent.
I did forefee it well enough ;
Of which, to give thee further Proof,
Know, that I likewife did forefee
A * Thehan (hould deliver me, * Hsrcmes.
OneofthyoldAcquaintar.ee, and
A proper Fellow of his Hand,
Who, with a lufty Bolt and Tiller,
Will come and be my Fuliure's Killer.
Merc. I wiih he were already come.
And that in yo'-ve's great Dining-Room
We were, with each one a good Thwittle,
Again fet down to fwill and vittle,
Provided {Seignior) do you fee.
That you fhould not the Carver be,
Efpeciully (my Friend) for me.
Prom. Why thou wilt fee me there agen,
Marry, I cannot juft fay when :
But I will tell thee, 'twixt us two,
I fhall fo rare a Service do
For Jupiter, that for my Labour
He will rellore me to his Favour.
Merc. What Service is it that fo great is ?
Propi. Thou know'ft a Lafs call'd Madam Thetisy
A pretty little wanton Drab :
But I a Secret will not blab,
That is to purchafe and advance
My Peace and my Deliverance.
H 2 "Merc.
lyz Burkfque lip en Burlefque j Or-
Merc. If it be fo, thou doft full well.
Yea, and full wifely, not to tell :
But, Vulcan, come, we muft away.
For yonder is the Bird of Prey-,
I fee him in a Kill-duck Place,
Ready to make a Stoop : Alas !
Beware thy Liver now, I'm forry
{Prometheus) very forry for ye.
And wifti the Liberatar^Qro.
As ready, as the Danger's near.
f n
THE
Tbe Scoffer fccff 'J. 17;
i.<
THE
DIALOGUES
O F T H E
GODS.
Prometheu s and J u p iter.
p. /^H, Juplttr! I'm glad to fee thee ;
And now thoa'rt here, take pity, prithee.
Upon a poor old Chique and ^later.
Has paid for playing the Creator^ •
In truth, I've fuiFcr'd out of Reafon,
And eke withal fo long a Seafon,
That, if thou would'ft be good-condition'd,
Thoud'll think that that were e'en fufficient
For a far greater Fault than mine is,
And to my Torments put a Fifiis.
Never was Man tormented thus !
Hang ine if th's fame Caucafus
Ee not the coldeft Habitation,
I think, in all the whole Creation ;
And 'twixt the Vulture and the Weather,
The Coldj the Kite, or both together \
\l 3 Aliho'
1 74 Burkfque upo?i Burlef^tte ; Or,
Altho' I do not eat a jot,
{Saving thy Pre/ence) I have got
So damn'd a Griping in my Guts,
That, as I'd furfeited of Nuts,
I've thirty Stools a Day at leaft ;
Then prithee let me be releas'd ;
For I have purg'd To wond'rous fore, '
That, truly, I can do no more.
Jup. Who, I releafe thee ?
Releafe a Rogue, releafe a Pudden f
I would thou could'fl perfuade me to it :
For what, I prithee, fhould I do it ?
For which of thefe fine Pranks th'aft play'd ?
The pretty Fellows thou haft made,
Have caus'd fuch Mifchief 'mong the Gods,
That we e'er fince have been at odds ?
Or, for thy filching Fire from Heaven>
To animate the uncouth Leaven ?
Or, which of Crimes is not the leaft,
Cheating thy Mafter at a Feaft ?
When, like a faucy ill-bred Waiter,.
Thou, for thyfelf, the Flefti couldft cater,
And trait'roufly, and for the nones,
Mad'ft me thy Dog, to pick thy Bones I
For which. Sir Sauce-box, doft thou fee,
Since thoul't make Men, I'll unmake thee ;
And I have hung your Worfhip there
In this convenient nipping Air,
As I conceive ic did require.
To cool thee after ftealing Fire :
And as to thofe thy Belly-gripes,
Know, Rogue, xny Fultua loy&^ fat Tr/^es,
And
The Scoffer fcofd. 175
And I will feed him upon upon thine,
Eecaufe thcu once defeatedll mine.
Prom, But for thefe Faults, and for a Score
Greater than thefe, nay Twenty more.
Have I not fufter'd full enough r
For, though my Hide be well and tough.
Thou knovv'ft it is not made of Buff,
And neither Froft, nor Fu/ture-pioof,
Befidcs, this Vulture, by this Light,
Is the plain Devil of a Kite,
His hooked, black, deformed Beak,
i think, thro' Mars his Shield would peck ;
His Feet, wherewith my Sides he tickles,
Have Talons more like Scythes than Sicklci :
When he's in's Place high in the Air,
He feems as big as CaJJioare-,
Where fome Time lying on his Wings,
After a few preparing Rings,
He makes his Stcop, and down he comes,
(Whillt Fear my very Heart benums)
With fuch a Whirldvvind and a Powder,
That, tho' thy Thunder may be louder.
Thy Lightning is not half fo quick.
Nor does it make one half fo fick ;
And gives my Liver fuch a Thump,
That the Blow ecchoes at my Rump.
Then, fall'ning in my Ribs his Pounces,
He tears my Stomach out by Ounces,
Preys on my Liver, Lights, and Lungs,
And in my Paunch his Beak btdungs.
So that by Even Yellernight,
Coming to take his fupping Flight*. ,
H4
^j6 Burkfque upon Burkfque y Or-,
As in my Bowels he was tugging.
He lights upon a J/Tauer-pudding,
Which, as he pulFdftili, itiH did follow,
Ho much more ^-Jk than he could fwallov/;
That had I not (upon xr.y Word)
liccaiife I knc w theu lov'ft the Bird,
With my Teeth caught him by the7V«;>.
W^^dt. iie'er on Carrion prey'd again,
'i'herefore, if ail the Miferies
I feave cndur'd will not fufRce.
Vtt let tliis one good Office do't,
And^eafe me at my humble .Sui:.
Jup. Were th' Pains, whereof 'x\{<i^A doil, comptuifl^'
As many and as great again ;
Yet were they not the Hundredth Part
Of what is juftly thy Defert.
Thou ihould'ft by Catica/us, thou Scfi.h.
Becrufh'd as fiat as Verjuice-Crab,
And not be only ty'd unto it
To choak a Spar-hwwk with thy Suet.
Nay, thou art fuch a Malefaftor,
And in all III fo vile an Aftor,
As fhould not only have thy Liver
Prey'd on by twenty Kites together ;
Eut yet moreover have thine Eyes.
Pick'd out, to pay thy Treacheries.
And even thy felonious Heart,
Kadft thou but h.'lf of thy Defert.
Prcm. Well, thou may'ft follow thine own Will,.
And, if ihou wilt, torment me ftill :
But, but if thou wouldii but be contented
To pardon me, thou.' d.li ne'er repear it :
rk Scoffer feoff' d, 177
For I fhal) fuch a Caution give thee.
Will make thee glad ihou didft reprieve me.
Jup. What, I perceive thou now vvouldll fain
Ec loofe, to gull ine once again.
Prom. Pi ithcc, by that what fhould I get I
Canft thou Mount Caticafas forget ?
Or, if there yet were no fuch Place,.
llA\ til ou not thoufand other Ways,
Whofe Pow'r's io uncontroul'd and ample,
To make me a moll fad Example ?
Jup. Come, corae, I cannot ftay to prattlr>
Nor hear thy idle Tittle-Tattli.
What (for no more thou nov/ (halt dorre mc)
If I releafe thee, wilt do for me }
Comc^ leave thy Wheedling and thy Cogging,
And tell me, {Qi I muft be jogging.
Prom. Wilt thou not take it, Jo've, in dadging.
If I now tell thee where thou'rt trudging ?
And wilt thou henceforth now believe me,
And in thy Heart that Credit give me.
If I tell Truth unto a Tittle,
That I can pronhcfy a little ?
Jup. Whatdre?
Prom. Why then, tb cure thy Itching,
JovCi thou now art going a Bitching,
And fo immoderate thy Heat is,
As none can quench but AVrf;V/77vi'/j.
Jttp. Well, if I (hould play fuch a Feat,
What Iflue Ihall we two beget ?
Prom. What IfTuc ! marry out upon her \
By no means meddle with that Spazvner ;
For, if thou do!>, I'll tell thee what,
A' gracelefs Child v/ill be begot,
11 5 Bctwixf
iyB Burkfque upan Burkfq^U'e 'i Or,
Betwixt thee and that blue-ey'd Slattern^
V/ill thee depofe, as thou didft Saturn ;
At leaft fb threat the Deftinies :
And therefore, if thou wilt be wife.
Let her alone, and come not at her, . ^ ^j-
But, elfewhere, lead thy Nag to water. \ * J.
Jup. Well, fince tho'aft hit tb' Nail o'tV Heady
I'll once by thy Advice be led ;
And, for thy Counfel's Recompence,
Vulcan fhall come and loofe thee hence.
For all paft Faults I quit thee clear.
From, Why then I thank thee, Jupiter,
.zA ii
D I A^
The Scoffer Jcoffd.
179
DIALOGUE.
Jupiter end Cupid.
Cup. J\ H yupiter, I prithee hear,
For thins own fuke, good Jupitert
If I am guilty of ,1 Crime,
Do but forgive me this one time.
And, if I e'er do fo agin,
Then whip me till che Blood do fpin.
What ! v,iil not Joue be reconcil'd
But Hill bear Malice to a Child ?
Jup. A Child, thou little Rakehell thou I
A pretty Child, thou art I trow !
Older than Japhet, little Hang-Jlrir.g,
Tho' one might wear thee in his Band-Jlring ;
And then, for Art and Subtlety,
Prometheus is an Afs to thee.
Cup. That Painters beft and Poiti know.
Whoever reprefent me fo ?
And unto them I do refer it,
Who, if they are put to't, will fwear it :
But, were I what thou'dft have me be.
What Mifchief have I done to thee.
That ought t' engage thine Indignation
To ufe me on this cruel Fafliion ?
Jup. What dofl thou aflc me, Ne^r-he good j
When thovi hall fo inflam'd my Blood,
H 6 ThaL>
I So Burlefqtc upjn Burl'ejqiie 'i Or^ .
Fhat, .IS I Philtres fwallowM had,
I ev'ry Day run whinnying mad
For ev€ry Woman that I fee,
And yet thou mak'ft not one love me :
So that each Day, to fcreen liiy Vices,
I'm put to pump for new Device?,
And to pat on a thonfand Shapes,
The better to commit my Rapes.
Cup. That is, becaufe the Women fear thee-,
And therefore tremble to come near thee.
Jup. And yet the iil-condition'd Toaifs
Can love, forfooth, the other Gods :
Apollo he can have his Joys
Both with the Wenches and the Boys.-
Cup. The Caufe of that is qukkly guefs'dp
He's handfome, and' goes fprucely drefsM •
And yet for all his powdered Locks,
His Zongs and Sonnets with a Pex,
And that he goes fo fine and trim.
Daphne could never fancy him ;
Nor could' he e'er her Liking move,
yo abfolutely free is Lov-e.
But woaldfl then fpend each Day and Hour
In DreiTmg, and not look fo fov/re.
Which (in plain Truth) doth mainly fright 'erjGj
make no Queflion but thouMfl fmite *em.
£iit then it will be requifite.
If thou wilt turn a Carpet-Knight^
To lay tlicfe by all Women dread;
Thy Thunder and thy Gorgoji*^ Head.
jup. What, Rogue, wouldft thoe have jfie to Jay hy
The Eafigns of my Diity P
THat^s
The Srofer feoff* I
That's pleafant Counfel, faith ; but yet
I think I (liall not follow it :
No, Sirrah, I fliall morie prefer
The Dignitv of j^ifiitrr.
Cup. Then tliou muft Women let alone.
jfup. No, I fiiall wench ftill, len to one;
Andyet (fur all thy Haftc)' not bate
One Inch or Tittle of n»y State.
Howe'cr, ftnce thou fo well haft prated.
My Anger is for once abated,
And I forgive thee all old Grutches.
Gujf. J'm glad Pm got out of his Cluteheso
iJl
C3
D I A-
1 82 Burlefqtie upon Burlefque •, Or,
DIALOGUE.
Mercury and Jupiter.
yttp- "r\ O S T thou know lo. Mercury P
■^^ Merc. lo, yes furely, » let me fee •
Oh, Inachui's pretty Daughter !
Jup. Tl^efame, thouknow'fl I long have fought
And, now at laft that I have caught her,
Doft think but Juno^ my curs'd VrcnUf
Has turn'd thp Girl into a Cow,
Out of pure Jealoufy to cheat me.
And of my Pleafure to defeat me ;
And has deliver'd her to keep
T*a Monjier that does never fleep ;
But having Eyes in every Place,
Ev'n in his Arfe as well as Face,
A hundred fpread all o'er his Parts,
Both where he fpeaks and where he farts,
Whilft fome of them a Nap do take.
Others are evermore awake.
So that, unlefs I had a Spell
To bull my Coov invifible,
I ne'er can think to take him napping.
And from his Sight there's no efcaping.
But Thou, I know, a Way canft tell
To rid me of this Centind:
her
i ■ 1.
■I
Tho-a
It.
"The Scoffer f cog' d, 183
Thou Wit and Courage haft enough ;
Prithee now put them both to Proof.
Go' then to the Nemean Gronje,
Where the foul Monfter guards my Love,
And, for my fake, take fo much Pains,
As ^lirly to knock out his Brains.
Wh^n, having batter'd his thick Skull,
To jEgvpt drive my lovely MuU,
Where they ftiall pay her Sacrifices
Under th' adored Name of IJts :
There fhe fliall fway the Winds and Waves,
And be the Queen of Galky-Jlaijes.
Merc. I go, and, if I find him once.
With my Battoon I'll bang his Sconce
So pretty well, as fliall fuffice
To put out all his hundred Eyes.
D I A-
f84 BiirkJ'iue ufo'n Eurle/que ], Or,
DIALOGUE,
Jupiter ist?^/ Ganymede.
Jrt/. /^Omc kifs me, pretty little Stranger,
^-^ Now that we are got clear from Danger ;
And that, to pleafe my- pretty ^ffc;)/,
I laid my Beak and Talons by.
G«». What are become of thetti, I tro\V !
Thou hadft them on but even now.
DidH thou not come where I did keep,
Thinking no harm, my Father's Sheep,.
In Eaglets Shape, and with a Swoop,
Like a fmall Chicken, trufs me up ?
And art thou now turn'd Man ! this Change
Is very wonderfully ftrange :
Sure thou art one of thofefame Folk as
Pve heard him call a Hocus-pocus.
Jup. No, my fweet Boy, thou telFfl; a Flam,
Nor Eagle I, nor Juggler am :
But Sovereign of the Gods, who have
Transform'dmyfelf (my pretty Knave)
Into thefe Man and Eaglets Shapes,
To fnap my little "Jack-a-napes.
Gan. Sure, thou art our Gcd Pan, and yet
Thou haft no Horns, nor cloven Feet,.
iSTor
The Scoffer fcofd. 18
Kor yet a Pipe, as I do fee,
The Marks of that great Deity.
Jiip. Know'ft thou no other Gods but he ?
Gan. No ; but to him I know that we
Rv'ry Year facrifice a Gait,
Before the Entry of his Grot.
And as for thee (altho' with Trembling)
I tell thee plain without DifTembling,
I judge thee for to be no better
Than that bad Thing fome call a Setter,
Others a Spirit that doth lie
In wait to catch up Infantry ;
Who give them Plums, and fine Tales tell 'em,
To Ileal them i\x^, and afccr fell 'em.
Jup, But hcrk thcc. Child ! didft never hear
Gf a great God call'd J-.^piter ?
Didft never fee upon a Pligh-day
An Jltar drefs'd upon Mount Ida^
Where Folks come crowding far and near,
To offer to the Thunderer ?
Can. What art thou he that makes the Rattle
I'th'Air, which friphts both Men and Catile,
Sowres all the Milk, and doih fo clatter
Both above Ground and under Water,
That Men not dare toiliew their Head'.,
Nor Eels lie cjuiet in their Beds ?
If thou be that fame Juji^rr,
To thee my Faher ev'ry Year
Does facrifice a Tup, a good one ;
Then fpeak in Truth and Confcience, would o-.c
Be fo uc grateful a X^ur^u'dccI,
Xq Aoftl away his Age s Cudgel j
m
]
Bcfides,
1 8 6 Burkfque Upcn Burkfque •. Of;
Befides, what have I done, I pray,
Should make thee fpirit me away ?
Who knows but now, whilft I'm in Hea-veu,
My Flock being left aty?x and fe-ven.
The IVolf^ among them breaking's Fajiy
Nay, perhaps worr'ing up the laft ?
Jup. Why, let the Wei/e'en, play the Glutten,
*Tis but a little rotten Mutton.
Fie, what a Whlmp'ring doft thou keep
For a few mangy loufy Sheep !
Thou muft forget fuch Thiags (my Lad)
Why, thou art now immortal made.
Fellow to th' Gods, and theiefore now
Muft think no more of Things below.
Gan. What then I warrant, Jupiter,
Thou doft intend to keep me here.
And wilt not deign to make a Stoop
To fet me v/here thou took'ft me up.
Jup. I think I ftiall not (my fmall Friend)
For, if I do, I lofe my End ;
And all that I by that fhould gain,
Would be my Labour for jny Pain.
Gan. Ay, but my Sire will angry be.
So angry when he mifles me.
That he will fondly _/?;•>{■ rny Dock
For thus abandoning his Flock.
Jup. For that (my pretty ^oy) ne'er fear;
For thou fhalt always tarry here.
Gan. Nay but / ivonnct, fo Iiuonnct,
Nor you ftian't keep me, no youjhannot :
Spite of your No/e, and nuillye, nillye^
I will go Home a^ajn, that will I.
But,
'the Scoffer feoff' d. \%j
But, If thou would fo far befriend me,
As fet me down where thou didft find me ;
I'll facrifice (I do not mock)
To thee the faireft Tup i'th' Flock.
'Jtip. Thou'it fimple, and a Child indeed,
To think that 1 fuch Off'rings need I
Tup-mutton^ s t''me the ixiorji of Meat ;
And thou too mud thefe Things forget :
Thou'rt now in Heaven fit to do
Thy Father Good and Coutttry too ;
Nor needlt thou now his Anger fear.
His Arm's too fliort to reach thee here ;
Nor flialt thou henceforth dread the Rod, .^
Thou no more Boy art, but a God\
Far better Fare thou llialt find here.
Than that.fame fowre-fauc'd Whipping-chear ;
Far better here thou fhalt be fed.
Than with hard Crufts of dry brcwn Breads
So-rvre Milk, fait Butter y and hard. Cheefe :
No, thou (halt feed, inftead of thefe.
Or your Slip-fap of Curds and Wbey^
On NeJIar and Amlrofa.
And, if thou'it do as thou fliouldft do,
Shalt fee the Confellaiion too
Shine brighter, and in higher Place
Than all the rell the Sky that grace.
Gan. Ay, but whc^ I've a mind to play.
What Play-fellonvs are here, I pray ?
For ev'ry Day (excepting Friday)
I'd Play-ftlhvjs ding-dong on Ida.
Jup. Why Cupid (hall attend thy Call,
To play at Cat, or Trapy or BalU
.•!-■' DuJ!-
i38 Burkfque upo7i BurJefqiie; 0^,
Duji-point, Span-counter^ Skittle-pins,
And thou no more flialt play for Pins :
But have a care, the little Guts
Will be too hard for thee at Butts.
Thou'ft have thy Belly full of Sport,
1 give thee here my Promife for't,
And brave Sport too ; but then (I trow)
Thou niuft forget the Things below.
Gan. V/ell, but thou haft not told me yet
What I muft do to earn my Meat ?
Haft thou here any Flocks of Sheep
To fend me out a-Days to keep.
yup. No, thou a Life flialt have rtiuch fairer ^
Thou to the Gods /halt be Cup-hearer^
And pureft Ne£iar to them £11,
Whilft at their merry Feafts they fwill;
Gan. Is that fame Neiiar which they drink-
Better than Red-Co^s Milk, doft think ?
Jup. Thou'dft ne'er drink other whilil Life lafted^
Hadft tht)u but once that Liquor tafted.
Gan. But then where maft I lie a-nights ?
For I am monftrous 'fraid of Sprigbts j
I hope, in hot and in cold Weather,
Cupid and 1 muft lie together.
Jup. No (Sirrah) thou fhalt lie with me,.
For therefore did 1 fpirit thee.
Gan. Why art not thou, poor little one,
GId enough yet to lie alone ?
Jup. Yes ; but there is a certain Joy
In lying with a pretty Boy.
Gan. A pretty Boy ! that's better yet.
What's Beauty when one cannot fee't?
When one is faft a.^eep (I wis)
One little cares for Prettinefs. J^P'
the Scoffer feoff' d. 1 89
Jup. That's true ; but Dreams proceed from it,
Which are fo tickling and fo fwcct.
Can. But, when I pigg'd with my own Dcuff
1 us'd to make him hopping mad ;
Who, as he lay a-Bed, would grumble,
That I did nought but tofs and tumble.
Talk in my Sleep, and paw't, and kick
His Sides and Paunch fo hard r.nd thick.
He could not fleep one Wink all Night :
For which, fo foon as e'er 'twas light,
He pack'd me to my Mother duly.
Seeing then in Bed Tm fo unruly,
Jf thou didfl: only bring me hither
That thou and I may lie together.
Thou may 'ft e'en fet me down again,
For I fliall certain be thy Bane.
Jup. .Why, kick thy worft, my Uttlc Bra:.
I like thee ne'er the worfe f .r that :
'Tis better far than .lying lUll.
£ut I can kifs thee there my Fill.
Gan. Why each one as. he likes (you know)
^iO^tP good Man fii-her: he kifs''d his Cozv ;
You may do what you will, but t
Shall fleep the while moll certainly.
Jup. Well, well ! for that as Time {hall try ;
In the mean time, you. Mercury,
Here take and make my pretty Page
Drink the immortal Beverage,
That after I may him prefer
To be my chiefuft Cup-bearer :
But, e're to wait you bring him up,
Firft teach him to prefent the Cup.
D I A-
1 go Burlefqite upon Budejque ; Or,
DIALOGUE.
Juno ^;;J Jupiter,
Jiin. "^T 7HY, what arrange Life doft thou lead!
^ ^ Since thou haft got this Ganjmede,
I, who have been thy faithful Wife,
Can't get a Kjfs to fave my Life : -
But thou doft look fo ftrangely on me.
As if till now thou ne'er haft known me.
Jup. What will not, Wife, thy jealous Pate,
To vex thyfelf and me, create ?
Was fuch a Jealoufy e'er known
To that degree of Frenzy grown.
As to run Suppofition-mad
Of a poor filly harmlefs Laii\
I thought none but the Female Kind
Could raife fuch Whimfies in thy Mind.
Jun. Nay, faith, thou'rt excellent at both Trades, -
Both at thine Ingles and thy Jades.
And all my Chiding's to no end ;
I think thou art too old to mend :
Elfe, maugre thy bad Inclination,
Thou'dft tender more thy Reputation.
Does't fit the King of Gods, I pray.
To mafr^uerade it ev'ry Day,
And to transform himfelf one whiJe
To Coldy a Virgin to beguile ;
Another
Ihe Scoffer feoff' d, 191
Another while into a Bull,
To make another Maid a Trull ;
And then into a Sivan, to try
The treading Way of Lechery ;
And to put on all thefe ftrange Shapes,
In order to adult'rous Rapes ?
And yet, for all thy Pranks on Earth,
(Unfitting far thy Place and Birth)
Thou liitherto hail ever yet
Had either fo much Grace or Wit,
Manners, or Shame, or altogether.
As not to bring thy Trollops hither.
As thou hrJl done this Dandiprat
For all the Gods to titter at :
And all under Pretence the Youth
Mull be your Cup-bearer forfooth ;
As all the Gods inhabit here
Unworthy of the Off.ce were ;
As if my Daughter Hebe was.
Or Vukan weary of the Place ;
Or any of the Gods, indeed.
Might not perform \X.for a Need.
And then, which more does vex me ftlll,
He never does the Goblet fill,
And ready with it waiting lland.
But, e'rethou tak'il it at his Hand,
Thou fali'ft a kifling him 'fore all
The Gods in the Olympick-Hall ;
Which thou doft too with fo much Paflion,
And after fuch immodeft Faihion,
'I hat the Boy's Kiffes, one would think,
Were fweeter than the iUav^nly Drink.
Nay,
igi Burlefqtte upon Burkfque \ Or,
^Njay, thou full oft for Drink doll; call.
When th'all no Lift to drink at all.
No more than thou badil need to pifs.
Only a mere Pretence to kifs.
Sometimes thou mak'fl him di-ink to thee,
A kind of ilav'ring Lechery,
Of which the Meaning's on4y this
To place thy Mouth where he did his,
"Which raviihes thee whilft thou think'ft.
Thou kiiTeft all the while thou drink'ft.
'Twas a fine Sight laft Day to fee
Thy little Catamite and thee
-Playing at Nine-pegs with iazh. Heat,
That mighty Jupiter did Aveat
In ^erpo, to th' Beholders Wonder,
Divcfted of his 5/6;V/i/.and Thufrder-^
I both know all thy Pranks ?.nd thee.
Think not to make a Fool of me.
Jup. Hey 1 whirr! I. think cur Z>^;/r/£ gi-cwn wild!
What Harm's in killing a fine Child,
•And adding that Delight to JSedar,
That 1 mull have this Curtain-Ledure ?
Jf thou but tafted hadlt the Blifles
Are wrapp'd up in his lufcious Kifle?,
Thou wouldft be of another Mind,
And not reproach me in this kind.
Juji. I thought that I Ihould trap thee fooH -
Thou now fpeak'ft perfeft, Boiigemon.
I fhould have little Wit (I trow)
And very little Virtue too,
Should 1 defile my Lips fo much.
As fucb an Urchin once to touch.
7'<P'
The Scoffer feoff* d, 193
yiif. That Urchin thou doft fo defpife,
And fpeak'ft of in fuch taunting wife,
Pleafes me more (my haughty Bami)
Than fome Bcdy I will not name.
tJrge me not to't, thou wer't net bed,
And ceafe my Pleafurcto conteil.
Jun. Not I, I fhall not be fo raHi :
No, prithee, marr)' thy Bardach
To fpite me worfe. Go hug thy Chit \
Dut yet withal do not forget
How thou doft ufe me on the Score
OF this thy \\Vi\^ firipling Where.
Jtip. I know what 'tis, thou'dft have thy Crl^fe
Wait here, and fill mcout my Tipple^
When he comes v.ith his dirty Golls
From raking up his fmutty Coals,
Sweating and Itinking from his Forgey
Enough to make one to difgorge ;
And in this cleanly Plight, I know.
Thou fain wouldft have me kifs him too ;
Ev'n when he does fo nally feem,
That thou, his Mother, keck'll: at him.
It would be wifely done (no doubt
For fuch a foul uufcemly Lout
To put away my Ga?iymcde,
So fwcct a Boy, fo finely bred.
And (which thy Mind does more molcll
A hundred timci than ail the reft)
Whofe every delicious Kifs
Is fweeter far than NeJIar is.
y«//. Ay, ay, my Son thou doft abhor.
Now thou hau this trim Str'vitor :
I But,
5 94 Burlefq^iie upon Burlefque \ Or,-
But, till thou hadll this Skip-Jack got,
With Vulcati thoti didft find no Fault ;
And all his Collow, and his Soot,
His Dirt, and Sweat, and Stink to boot,
l<[ot hinder'd, but thou took'ft delight
Bolh in his Service and his Sight.
Jiip. Thou dreadful ScoU, thy Dhi furceafe.
And if (thou canfl) once hold thy Peace ;
Thv Jealoufy does but improve
My Indignation and my Love.
X-et Fulcan ferve thee as he did,
Jf thou diflikeft Ganymede :
But hang me if I drink a Sup,
Unlefs my Soy prefent the Cup.
Nay, at each Draught, I'll tell thee more.
He'll give me KiiTes half a Score.
Come, come, rny pretty Fa'vourite,
Do not thus whimper for her Spite :
Let who dares vex my Boy, thou'ft fee,
fll order \'m} I ^j:arraHt thee.
D I A-
The Scoffer feoff J.
1^5
DIALOGUE
Juno and Jupiter.
Jun. "^^OW, Jupiter, that none is near as.
To hearken or to over-hear us.
Tell me, I prithee, and be clear,
What think'il thou of this Ixion here ?
Jaj). Why, I think Ixion (Wife) tnu hht.
An honeft Man as e'er I knew ;
A fturdy Piece of Flefh, and proper,
A merry Grig, and a true Toper.
Nor had I, but I thoufht him fo.
Made fo much of him as I do ;
Neither, but that I undcrftood
His Company was very good.
Had I (be fure) been fo affable
As to admit him to my Table.
Jun. See, fee how one may be deceiv'd t
'Tis odds I fhall not be believ'd :
But/.v/o« i^- (without Oftcnce)
The faucy'ft Piece of Infolence
That ever came within thy Doors,
And fitter Mate for Rogues and Whorest
V>y much, than {Jup-itcr) io\- thee.
Or any of thy Family.
Nay, fitter, for his * former Pranks *
As well as thcfe, the Haug-man's Thanks,
Becauje
he kilUJ
It.
his Fath:r-ii:-lavi>
1^6 Burkfque upon Burkfque j Or,
As he now handled has the Matter,
Than put his Spoon into thy PLitter,
Yet thou may'ft entertain him (lill.
Only to gormandize and fwill :
But, for my Part, I'll ne'er endure him,
Ivior (hall he Hay here, I'll affure him.
Jup. What has he done to move thee thus ?
Come, prithee, now be ferious,
And tell me true, nay, quickly do it.
For I zxa. refolute to know it.
^un. What has he done ! why 'tis fo wicked.
That truly I'm afliam'd to fpeak it.
"Jup. What, with fome Goddefs he'd have bin
Playing, belike, at lii-and-hi.
And would be at the Rutting-fport ?
For fo thy Words feem to import.
Jan. Well, and doft thou conceive that fit,
That thou doll make fo light of it ?
s that no Fault ? Nay, could he ye-t
Crime more capital commit t
That's it indeed, th'ail: hit upon't ;
And, greater ftill to make th' Affront,
"No-body elfe could ferve the Youth,
But even I myfelf, forfooth.
I did not heed his Love at firft,
Not dreaming that the Rafcal dunl
Have aim'd at me ; but at the lall
Obferving v;hat Sheeps-eyes he caft.
What Sighs he fetch'd, how, now and then
He wept, andilgh'd, and wept agen.
Drank after me, and then would leer.
And kifs the Cup ; I then faw clear.
Though
The Scoffer feoff' d, 197
Thoup,li ne'er before I did fufpedl it,
His Folly was to me direded.
Yet Ibll i thought, Time would blow over
This Humour of my faucy Lover;
Wherefore (tho' vcx'd) I thus long drove it,
Aiham'd, I fwear, to tcU thee of it ;
Till now at lall the faucy J/s
Has put on fuch a brazen Face,
As, without air Refpect, to be
So bold as to folic it mc.
But now to fpeak 'tis more than Time,
When to conceal it were a Crime :
And therefore, flying from his Tears,
And llopping with both Hands both Earsj-
From being guilty Auditors
Of what my Virtue fo abhors,
I flraight came running unto thee
Fall as my Legs would carry me.
To tell the how this Goat, this Satyr,-
This Rogue, this Slave, this Fcnticatery
Whom thou haft entertain'd and fed,
Attempts the Honour of thy Bed,
To th' End thou may'ft the Whelp chaflife^
Injuft and exemplary wife.
Jiip. This is a daring Rogue, ! fwear,.
T' attempt to cuckold Jupiter !
It was the Ne^ar in his Pate,
That did this Lifolence create :
But I myfelf, I muft confefs,
Am Caufe of thcfe Mifcarriages,
By over-loving Mortuls fo
Extravagantly as I do.
I 3 Andi
ipS Biirlefqiie upon "Burlefquc ; Ovy
:^ncl by permitting; them to be
Ovcr-familiar and too free
With my Divinity and me,
He elie had ne'er attempted Thee.
.For 'tis no Wonder, when they eat
The very fame provoking Meat,
And Liquor drink, the Blood that fires.
If they have then the fame Defires :
And, quite forgetdng then their Duties,
Are fmittcn with immortal i?^^i///Vj.
Fefidcs, thou know'ft as well as I,
So much of C;//zVs Tyranny,
So great, no Tyrant here above is
Near, as that little Bnjiard Love is.
y-un. He Mailer is of thee indeed,
And thee ilil] hj the No/e dses lead,
(As the old Saj-ing is) and makes
Thee play a thouf ,nd fenfelefs Freaks !
l-utccmc, I fiith, I faith, I know
What makes thee pity Ixicn fo :
To pardon him thou art inclined,
'Caufe he but pays thee in thy kind :
Time was thcu his Wife didil difhonour \
.And gatt'ft' Piritkous upon her.
Jup' Fie, will that never be forgot ?
Come, I'll acquaint thee with my Plot.
It would to banifli him appear
A Sentence fomewhat too fevere :
His being o'er Head and Ears in love,
Does (I confefs) my Pity move.
Since therefore he's fo v/oe begun.
So fighs, and cries, and fo takes on,.
}
I: tell.
^he Scoffer fcoff'L 199
I tell thee plain, 1 do protcfl,
Things being thus, I think it beil
Jun. What that I lie with him, I warrant L
Jup. Dofc think I am a Sot fo errant ?
No, I'm not fo kind to him neither ;
I prithee hold thy Legs together :
That's more than will be well allow'd.
But I will dizen him a Cloud
So like to thee, as fliall perfuade him
He has made rne what I have made him^
And that, in pure Commiferation,
In Part to fatisfy his Pafiion.
'Jun. Why, this will be for to reward Kin*
For what thou fliouldfl: at leafl; difcarclliiin.
Jitp. But fpcak, in pure Sincerity,
What Harm will this do thcc or mc I
Jun. Why, he will think it nie, rhat's f^it.
Then I fliall pafs for I know what.
Jup. No matter what's by him belie v'd,
'Tis only he will be decciv'd ;
And if a Cloud like Thee I m.ake.
No Juno, 'tis but a Miilake,
And he by this, my prctly Cheat,
A Race of Centaurs fliall beget.
Jun. But if (as now-a-days thou know'H,
Men are too apt to make their boall)
This Rogi/i'r fo foon as he has done.
As they all do, fliould flraightway run
And publifli to the World, that he
Has had his filthy Will of me ;
Pray, after fuch a fine Oration,
Where then were Juno's Reputation ?
i 4 7^^-
2oo Burlcfque u^on Burlejque ; Or,
T>
J.
7^//. Should he do fuch a Thing as that,
d teacl>the Rn/calhowf to prate ;
And, if he needs iruft kifs and tell,
I'll kick him headlong into Hell,
Vyvhcre to a Wheel he ftiall be bound
Ar.d, like a Mill-hcrfe, Itill turn round.
And never have a Moment's Reft,
]:^c■r thence Aall ever be releas'd.
Jun. If lie do prove fo damn'd a Dcg^
'Twill be but Jufdce on the Rogue.
DIALOGUE.
Vulcan and Apollo.
Jp, r> COD fpecd, of Fire thou footy King^
^"^ I ever hear thy Anvil ring :
Thy Smoak fiil! mounts from ^tr.a Hill ;
i think thy Bellows ne'er lie ftill :
Surely it cofts thee much in Leathers,
for thou doft blow and ftrike all Weathers.
Fiilc. Gcod-den, Jpollo, and well met>
Kaft feen the little Merely yet.
How fine a Child, how fweet a Face,
And what a fmiling Count'nance 't has ?
Which plainly does (methinks) prefage
Something when he Ihall come to Age,
That
The Staffer fcoff^d.. 2'oii
That is cxtraord'nary and great,
'i'ho' he is but an Infant yet.
* Apollo. A pretty Infant, qucflionlefs !:
Old Japhet's Sire in Wickednefs.
Fulc. What Harm can he have done, I trowv.
That came into the World but now ?
yjpollo. Go, and afk Neptune that, I pray,,
Whofc Trident he hath ftole away.
Or Mars, that Queftion can decide,
Whofe Sword ])e pilfer'd from his Side ;.
To whom myfclf I too could join,
Whofe Boi.'j and ShaftshQ^id purloin.
Vulc. What, fuch a nazardly Pig-tviggen^
A little Hang-Jirings in a Biggin f.
Away, away, Jpollo flouts I
What a Filcu in Swathinp--clouts ?
JpoUo. Well, think fo ; but, if this FAV*'
Gome here, ihou'lt fee what he can do.
Fulc. H'as been already here To-day.
Jpollo. Well,. and is nothing miffing, pray ?■
Vtilc. Not that, I know of.
Jpo!Io> That may be f;
Eat prithee look about and fee..
Fulc. I cannot fee my Pincers tho'.
Apollo, . O cry you Mercy, can't you fo ? "
There's one Call of his Office now..
Now dare I venture t>venty Pound ■
They'll be amongfl. his Trinkets found.
F.uk.. Faith, and affure thy felf I'll try
Is the young Thief indeed fo fly ?.
Sueh lucky Chucki there's fo great need on, .
We'Jl.keep this hopeful Youth to breed on. .
liSi AApr«*
Z02 Bmefque upon BurJef^t^ ; Or^
A precious Pep/fi, and a trim,
A right Archhirdy I'll warrant him.
In Infant quota ! marry hang him.
If he were mine, I would fo bang him.
What, were my Tongs fo hot, I trow.
To frick to your.fmall Fingers fo ?
I'll make a Burn -mark with a T,
To fiftyou wilh, ^IxMcrcut-y.
Eut I'm aflonifli'd at the. Lad,
How he fo foon could learn his Trade ; •
He learn'd (to be a Rogue fo pure)
To fteal in's Mother's Belly fure.
Jpcllo. Thefe are his Recreations, thef?j.
But he has other ^aliiies.
Mark but that nimble Tongue of his.
What a pert prating. Urchin 'tis :
Bis Mouth will one Day be a Spout
Of Eloquence, without all doubt :
He'll be an Orator, I warrant.
And, if he be not, let me hear on't j
And a prime Wreftler as e'er tript.
E'er gave the Cor nip-hug, or hipt ;
Or I am much- miftaken in him ;
Any one would fay't had fee n him t~
For he already has at firit
Put Monjiertr Cupid tO the worft,
And gave him fuch a dreadful FalP,
I thought had broke his Bones withal;.
In troth I. ne'er faw fuch another,
^wtLovc went- puling to his Mother',
Which as the Qods v/ere laughing at.
And Feniis went to moan \\zi Brat,
WMIlb
^he Scoffer Jcoff*di 203;
Wliilft ihe was kilTing the fmall Archery
And drying's Tears with Lawn-handkerchcr,
Im comes that crafty Youth, and fly,
That little filching Mercury,
And in a Twinkling (I proteft)
Whips me away her am'rous Cf/? ;
Nay, and Jc've''s Thunder too had got,,
But 'twas too heavy and too hot ;
But yet his Scepter went to pot.
Fulc. By Jupiter a hardy Youth !
JpcL Nay he's a Minftrcl toa.
Fulc. In truth !
Jpol. Yes, faith, a better nevcc plaid;.
Nay, and the little Rogus has made
A'FiMe of a Torto'ife-jkell,
On which he plays fo rarely well,
That he puts fair to put down me,.
Who am the God of Harmovy.
His Mothers troubled at his Ways,.
He never fleeps a-nights, fhe fays ;,
But goes,, for all that fliC can fay.
As far as Hell to feck for Prey ;
And he has got, by Sleight of Hand, ,
A moft incomparable Wand,
Of fo ftrange Virtue, that 'tis Lid, .
It with a Waft docs raifc the Dead,.
And both the Dead from Death can fare;.
And fend the Living to the Gj-ave. .
rule. Nay> nay, of that I mull acquit hi my,
Kor I to play withal did gi't him. .
J/ol. That's well,, and he in recompenceo
Iaa3 Horn a>vay thy Pincers hence.
Biirkpiue upon 'Biirhfque j o/v
Cy,
204
Vulc. S'nigs, well remember'd !. I'll be gone
To fearch his Corners for my Ovvn :
And, if I find 'em in his Cradle,
Take it from me, his Sides I'll f^addle.
DIALOGUE.
V u L c A N. and J u p i t e r.
P-c<h. O E R E, I have brought thee home a Hatchet y^
■* If any Smith ioY Temper match it,
Or Edge, I'll f^y no more but fo,
I'll ne'er flrike Stroke more whilft I blow.
And now 'tis here new from the Smithjy
What muft we do with it, I prithee ?
?■///., Why clea\^e my aking Head with it
f^iilc. How,, cleave thy Head ! the De
Thou fay'il fo but to try my Wit.,
But te]} me quickly, prithee do,.
What Ufe thoul't have it put unto ?■
For I Siol'.s CoAch-hor/es muft flioe.
Jup,. Why, for to cleave my Head in two.
I am in earneft ; therefore do it.
Or (thou lame Rafcal) thou {halt rue it j.
And, if tliou be'il fo fhy of mine.
Beware that great Calv&s-hcad of thine :
Fear not, bat ihike with might and main,
For my Scr;lp fplits with very Pain,
h it. >
■'/ a bits C
^he Scoffer feoff' d, 205-
And I do fuffer all the Throes
A Woman in her Labour does.
f^u/c. In Labour quotha ! 't may be To:
But let's confider what we do ; '
For I'm afraid we hardly fliou'd
Lay thee as Dame Lucina wou'd.
Jiip. Wilt thou leave Prating (Sirrah) once.
Lell I make bold with thy wife Sconce :
Do thou bat ftrike courageoufly,.
And home, and leave the reft to me^
Fulc. Why, Jupiter, if I thee kill,,
Bear Witnefs 'tis againft my Will :
There fs no Help, I muft obey,
Have p.t thy Coxcomb then I fay ;
For with this Butcher'^ Blow of mine
I'll cleave thee down unto the Chine.
Good Gods! no Wonder if thy Brains
Sufter'd intolerable Pains,
When fuch a lufty ftrapping TrttU
As this lay kicking in thy Skull;
Nay, and an Amazon to boot.
Which, tho' not arm'd from Head toFootj.
Is furnifh'd yet to take the Field,
And has bath Helmet., hauiice, and Shield,
'Twas breeding that brave Lafs, belike,.
Made thee fo crofs and cholerick.
And yet the Ciil (Ivow and fwcai)
Is moft incomparably fair :
Prithee, for having laid thee well,
Give me her for my Dowfabcl ;
For, tho' new-born, the Wench is able,.
And I'll upliold her nvirriageiblc.
J-'f'
2o6 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; Or^..
Jiip. With all my Heart, I give her free ;
But thou'lt ne'er make her marry thee :.
For fhe wilLnever be a Wife,
But live a Virgin all her Life. .
Therefore ne'er offer to perfuade her;.
For thou art fure to lofe thy thy Labour.
Fidc^. Well, well, for that let me alone ;.
I'll make her coming, ten to one j
I have been in my Days a Blade
At winning of a pretty Maid,
And can bring this to my Command,
As eafilj as kij's my Hand,
Provided I have thy Confent.
Jup. Why thou mayft try, but thou'lt repent;.
I A L O G U E.
Neptune ^«i Mercury-.
Nept. O A RK, Coufm Mercuxyy doll hear,.
Could not one fpeak with Jupiter F
Merc. No, fave thy Labour, and be gone,.
He's bufy, and will fpeak with none.
Nept. But prithee, let him know 'tis I.
Merc. I tell thee, he'll fee no -body,
And therefore, prithee, go thy way .j
Eor he'll be feen.of none To-Day.
Nept. Are he and's Wife, if one may axe.
Making the Becfi %<:ith ihc ti':e Bad.s ?
The Scoffer feoff' d. 20-7
Merc. Could'ft thou no other Queftion find ?
They two but fcldom are (o kind.
Nept. Then Ganymede and he're together.
Merc. No truly. Seignior Neptune, neither.
Nept. What then ? I'll know, fpite of thy Nofe.
Merc. You'll alk me leave firll, I fuppofe.
But he's not well, will that fuffice ?
Nept. Not well ! where is it his Grief lies ?
Merc. Why, I'm-alhani'd to tell thee wliere.
Nept. What a * Relation fo near ! ' Brother
Leave Fooling {Co:ii.) I prithee, now, to Jupiter,
And tell me, for I long to know.
Merc. Why,, fince I fee thou'lt not be fed.
Know, that he's lately brought to Bed.
Nept. How I that i-; monlbous by this Light ! .
What is he an Hermaphrodite ?■
I ne'er perceiv'd his Beliy rife
Above the ordinary Size.
Merc. That's likely ; neither, I mufb tell ye,.
Was he deliver'd from liis Belly.
Nept. From what Part then ?. Was't from his Head,,
As when he his Minerva bred ?
Is that deliver'd once again ?
He has a wcnd'rous fruitful Brain.
Merc. No, this Bittii ifiu'u from his Thigh.
Nept. Go, Sirrrah, n^.v 1 know you lye.
What would'll thou have me fuch a Noddy^
To think he fpawas all o'er his Body.
Merc. Well, ,but there is more in't than To,.
And thou the Tru. . of all fhalt know.
Juno, whofe fpiteful Jealoufy
Xhou know'ii, I'm fuxo, aa v/ell as l.
In
2o8 Biirlefquc Upon Burlefque ; Or^
In Malice, Semele perfuades
(One of his beft beloved Jades):
Since "Jupster did her fo honour.
As Children to beget upon her ;
She fo much Kindnefs had for her,.
That flie no longer fhould incur
A Common Lemman\ Imputation :,
But, for her Better Reputation,
No more with him in private lie :•
But make him own her publickly.
Therefore, my Semele (quoth Ihe)
Prithee, for once be lul'd by me.
And, if he have true Kindnefs for ye,.
Make him come next in all his Glory ; ■
Not fneaking in a mean Difguife,
Like Rogues to midnight Lecheries :
But, like himfelf, rob'd round with Wonder^
And w'xxh.Yas Lightning and his Thunder : .
So all will honour and adore thee.
Who now defpife thee, and abhor thee. .
The Girl., thus tickled in her Ear,
And proud herfelf as Lucifer,
So order'd it with this great King,
Whom Whores can make do any Thing,
That he came next in this Attire :
But then, before he could ccme nigh her.
His Lightning fet the Room on fire,.
And, with its all-confuming Flaflies,
Reduc'd the Room, and Houfe to Afhes.,
In which Cafe, all that we could do
Was but to fave the Emhryo :
(For fhe was then with Child, .bc't known, .,
Ixy Jupiur, and fey'n. Months gone)
Whiehi.
The Scoffer fceff^d. 209
Which, ripping from her Belly, I
Put warm into thy Brother's Thigh,
There to com pleat the Term rcquir'd ;
Which being but juft now expir'd.
He's brought to Bed, and Truth to fpeak.
With his hard Labour very weak.
Nppt. And where is this fame twice- born Chit ?
Merc. To Ny/a I have carry'd it,
By the Nymphs there to be brought up,
Who, know'ng he will be giv'n to th* Cup,
And in hard Drinking very vicious.
Have aptly nam'd him * Diovyfnis, * A/owirof.
Nept, Then of this Child he's Sire and Dattiy
And it may call him Dad and Mam ?
Mirc. Yes truly, it is even fo.
He any of thefe may anfwer to :
But I cant ftay to tiell thee more ;
For I fhould have been gone before.
And in this Stay have done amifs
To prate at fuch a Time as this.
I now muft ufe both Heels and Wings,
Water to fetch and other Things
For Child-bed Women, and had need
Repair my Negligence with Speed :
All the good Wives elfe will we blame.
For now 1 the Man-midwfe am.
D I K-
210 Burkf^ue Upon Burkfque 'y Cr^
I A L O G U E.
Mercury and the S u n.
Merc. '^O FE {Sol) commands thee by me here
^ To ftop thy Steeds in their Career ;
For the full Space of three whole Days
He will not have thee Ihine, he fays :
But thou art to conceal thy Light,
For he will have that Term all Night.
Therefore I think, Scl, thy beft Courfe is^
To let the Hours unteam thy Hor/esr-
Get a good Night-Cap en thy Head,
Put out thy Tcrch, and go to Bed.
Sol. 'Tis an extravagant Command,
And that I do not underftand.
What have I done, I fain would know.
That Jupiter fnould ufe me fo ?
What Fault committed in my Place
To pull upon me this Difgrace r.
Have I not ever kept my Horfes
In the Precinfts of their due Cour/es j
Or, though twelve Inns are in my Way,
Did I e'er drink, or ftop, or ftay ?
Bear witnefs all the Gods in Heaiftiy
If I've not duly, Mom and Even,
Rifen, and fet, and care did take
To keep touch with the Almanack.
What
rhe Scoffer {cofL 2ii
What then my Fault is, I confefs,
If I fliould die, I cannot gucfs :
And why he (hould, much lefs I know,
Sufpend me ab officio.
It fure muft be a great Oftence
Defcrves the vvorll of Punilhments,
And this is he on mc doth lay,
That l<!ight muft triumph over Day.
Merc. Fie, what a Clutter doft thou make.
And all about a mere Miftake !
Thou talk'ft of Anger and Difgrace,
There's no fuch Matter in the Cafe.
Thou wide art of his Meaning quite,
He bids thee to withdraw thy Light,
That for three Days it may not mine
In order to a great Defign
He has, that won't endure the Sun,
Eut is by Oxul-Light to be done.
Sol. Faith, tell mc that Defign of his.
What he's about, and where he is.
Merc. I'll tell thee, if thou needs wilt kno\T,
He's cuckolding Amphytrio,
Sol. 'Tis very fine, and wo'n't one Night
Take the Edge off his Appetite ?
Cannot one Nig/:?t give him enough ?
Is the old Letcher ftill fo tough,
A S^ing-bonxj of fo high Renov/n,
A Wench can't fooner take him down ?
Merc. No, but he means to get of her
A very mighty Man of War,
Of Heart moft ftout, and Limbs moft vaft.
Which is not to be done in hafte :
But
2 1 2 Burkfque upon Burkfque ; Or,
But of another kind of Fafliion,
Than ev'ry common Generation.
Sol. Why, let him lay about hini then
To finifh this great Man of Men :
But let me tell thee, thefe ftrange Ways
Were not in ufe in Saturn's Days.
He never left Rhea in his Life
To letcher with another's Wife:
But for one Whore now (which is fcurvy)
All Things muft turn'd be topjy-tur-vy.
In the mean Time 'tis ten to one
My Horfes will be refty growa
For want of Ufe, and Thorns, I know.
In my Career will fpring and grow ;
And Mankind muft in Darknefs knguiHi,
Whilft he his bawdy Launce does brandiih>
And ftews himfelf in his own Greafe,.
To get this admirable Piece.
Merc. Peace, Peace, Friend -So/, no more of that.
Left he do teach thee how to prate.
In the mean Time I muft be gone
With the fame Meffage to the Mccn^
To keep within, and veil her Face,
As many Nights as thou doft Days.
My lajl Commiffion is, to Sleep
That Mortal's Eyes he fo long keep.
Seal'd up in Reft, and all the while
Feed them with Dreams, Time to beguil'e^,.
That when thy Light unfeals their Eyes,
(And then it will be Time tc rife)
They may, and when that Day does begin,
Not know how long a Night 't has been.
D I A,
The Scoffer feoff' d. 2 r 3
ojo ojjccjoojjcoifoojpoijoc^c'ogoc^ojjoc^c^ojccioo!^ cjo
DIALOGUE.'
Vi N u s rt/ii /i?^ Moo N.
/^f«. 'TpELL me, my pale-complexion'd Z^r/J,
Bright Cynthia, how comes this to pais.
That thou'rt accub'd of Things, I fwear.
I'm foriy and afham'd to hear ?
It is reported ev'ry-where,
That thou, in midll of thy Career^
Thy Chariot often ftopp'lt, and there,
(Which is a Piece of Impudence)
Under a pitiful Pretence,
Of making Water, lleal'ft i'th' Night
T' a Hunicr, tliat Endymion hight,
Where (little to thy Praife be it fpoken)
His Vifage thou do'ft gaze and look on
(Which none but your light Hufwives do)
As thou would'lt look him through and througTi %
Whilll: he, not dreaming of thy Folly,
Lies gaping like a gxezit Loh- lolly t
On Carian Latinus loudly fuoaring,
Infenfible of thy Amoving.
Nay, if the lumpilh Boy fhould wake,
Thy Kifles he'd not kindly take ;
Nor would he underlland thy Paffion
At all to be an Obligation.
Lvns*
214 Burkfque upon Burkfque^i Or,
Luna. Why 'tis that Ke^er-be-gcod, thy Son,
Has made me do what I have done.
Venus. Ay ! hang him little Gallo-MS-JirivgSy
He does a thoufand of thefe Things.
And well may do it to another,
-That fpares not me who am his Mother,
He fet me fo upon the Hy-day,
As msde me oft defcend on Ida ;
To get Anchifes, young and able.
Make me a Handle to my Ladhy
And to Mount h'tbanus t' Adonis,
(Who, Reft go with him, dead and gone is.)
But then the Boy was wholly mine,
Till ftole away by Profcrpim,
Who, to fpeak plain, and not to lye.
Had a fweet Tooth as well as I,
And kept him for her Drudgery.
Till, feeing me to weep and mourn.
She fent him me fometimes in turn ;
For which his Pranks, I'll tell thee what,
i ihreaten'd have the gracelefs Brat
A hundred Times at leaft, I know.
To break his ^injer and his Bc^,
To clip his Wings, and Play debar- him.
And every Thing I thought would fcare him ;
Nay, but laft Day, I'll tell thee true,
1 plainly took the Youth to do.
And, with one of my Shoes with Claps,
Whipp'd me the roguy Jack-an-apes,
Unfil I had almoft fetched Blood;
But all I fee will do no good :
He quickly has forgot the Pain,
And dees the fame thing o'er again,
And
*i:he Scoffer feoff'' d. 2 1 5
And fo he will do IHU, but tell though,
Is thy S-Meet-boart a pretty Fellow ?
For, ifhe's handfcme, or have Wit,
There is in that fome Comfort yet.
Luna. Thou know'ft no Lo-ves do foul appear :
But it is true, I can't forbear
Staring and gazing in his Face,
When coming weary from the Ckace,
His Mantle he on Ground does Ipread,
And falls alleep, leaning his Head
On his right Arm, which docs embrace,
IJeing twin'd about his Head and Face,
Wnilft from his left his Jrroxvs all
Do dropping negligently fall.
Then Healing, and on Tip-toe too.
As Folks, to make lefs Noife, iHU do,
For Fear of waking him ; I there
Perceive his Breath perfume the Air,
And in foft Breathing yield a Scent
So ravilliing, and redolent.
That I am forc'd to fit down by him,
And figh, and kifs, and kifling eye-him ;
When fitting thus, and fometimes Healing
A little, little Touch of Feeling,
Whilft I Hill gaz'd upon his Face,
It tingles in a certain Place
To that degree, tlut I protell ■■ "
I know that thou can'lt guefs the relt.
As having in thylelf made proof.
Thou kuow'ft what Love is well enough ;
But then, O then, I am all Fire,
And even ready to expire.
D I A-
3i5 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; Ofy
DIALOGUE.
Venus and Cupid.
f'e. TT^HY, what Word (Sirrah) do'it thou make!
' ' Thou ev'ry Hour mak'ft my Heart ake
For Fear of thee, thou gracelefs Whelp,
In xloing Things I cannot help.
I do not, Rake-hell, mean thofe Pranks
^Though even they deferve fmall Thanks)
Thou play'ft on Earth, where thou haft done
The ftrangeft Things that e'er were known ;
Set Men a rambling, Women gadding.
Young, old, found, lame, and all a madding :
Fill'd the whole World with difmal Cries
Oi Incejis, Rapes, Adulteries,
Inftead of harmlefs Recreation
Allow'd in Ample Foi-nication :
Nor is the common Rout alone
Subjeft to thy Doniinicti :
But thou haft made the greateft Kings
Do more, nay, yet more fenfelefs Things,
Than th' arrant'ft (as one may 'em call)
Tag-rag Plebeians of 'em all.
Yet ftill thefe People Mortals be,
And fubjeft to thy Deity ;
Nor (though blame-worthy) is th' OiFence
Of fuch a dang'rous Confe^uence,
A«
Ihe Scoffer feoff' J. a i j
And thofc thou do'ft commit above,
Where tlioii confound'fl: us all with Love,
hv'n the Gc<is Kiny^ thou do'il not fpare,
Butrnak'ft the mighty ^Thunderer,
Better to play his am'roui Prizes,
Put on ridiculou:, DIfguifes,
Whilft Jupiter we all defpife,
(\^S'ho, one would think, fliould be more wife) 1
For thofe his childilli Mummeries y J
I^cxt unto Carian Latmus Crown
Thou mak'ft the fober Moon come down.
Than whom a better Fame had none.
To viilt her Etuiymion.
The Sv/ty who dil'gcnt wont to be.
Thou mak'Il to flay with Clymc?iet
Negleding his diurnal Courfcs^
And turn to Grafs his fiery liorfes.
Sans naming, thou mifchicvous Eif,
What thou hall done to me myfelf,
Who tho' thy Dam, and a fond Mctber,
Thou haft us'd worfe than any other :
Vet thcfe (tho' fuch Thing t ue'er were heard on)
Were yetwitliin the Pale of Pardon,
And might in Time have been o'erblown,
Had ft thou let Cybele alone :
But to attack a poor old Mumps,
Whofe Teeth were long fince turii'd to Stumps,
Great Grannatn to fo many Cods,
Deferves a whole Cart-load o{ Rmis j
And thus to make a poor old Trot
Fly raging up and down (I wot)
Set in her Chariot drawn with Lions,
And bidding Gravity Defiance,
K Ai
2 1 8 Burkfque upon Burlefque j Or,
As if fhe were ftark-ftarinor mad.
After a Scurvy fhit-breech Lad,
And ev'n of Stocks and Stones inquire
Ol Atys, herfmz\U/>jk-/ou!re,
Is fuch a Thing (my gracelefs Son)
As certainly was never done.
Nor, in her Inquifition,
Poes fae yet play the Fool alone ;
Eut, vvhith is a molt grofs Miftake,
/\nd does her Shame more publick make.
She does ev'n here her State maintain,
A nd goes with all her Juggli/ig Train
Of Corykar.tes at her Heels,
Who, as their Brains were fet on Wheels,
Difperfe themfclves all over IJe,
Whooping aloud on ev'ry Side
(No wifer than their mad old Dame)
Calling and v.'hooping ^^/yj' Name.
Where fome in Fury are fo wood,
As with one Arm t'let t'other Blood ;
Some weep in Blood, and fome in Tears,
Some with their Hair about their Ears,
Run headlong down the Precipices,
Enough to dafti themfelves in Pieces.
One winds a Horn with mighty Labour,
Another thumbs it on a T'ahor,
Another a Brafs-pan employs,
Others ufc Cysihals, Shaums, Hcboys.,
Or any Thing will make a Noife,
With which they make that hideous Din,
Thjit the whole Mountain rings agin.
Nay, fo obftreperous they are,
Aad make that difmal Tintamare^
\
\
WI^j
The Scoffer fcoff^d, 2 1 9
What with their Yelling, and their Tinkliap;,
That, unto any Mortal's Thinking,
H"1I is broke loofe, it founds fo odd.
And all the De-vils got abroad :
Which makes mc fear, for thefe Offence?,
If e'er th' old Haz to her own Senfes
Return again, llie will on thee
Direly revenge this Roguery,
And, either without Foim or Jur\'',
Preferitly kill thee in her Fury,
Or elfo unto her Lions throw.
Or Priejis, the fiercer of the two.
Cu. Your Care's worth Thanks j but truly, Mother^
I ncitjier fear the one nor t'other.;
For her Pricfts Fury I not weigh't.
They all are too efieminate ;
Nor of her Lions fearful am ;
For tliofe already I've made tame.
So tame, that often I aflride
A Cock-horfe on their Backs do ride.
Spur 'em, and, by their fhaggy Mains,
Guide 'em as eafy as with Reins ;
Play with their Beards, their Lips, their Paws,
Make 'cm extend their crooked Claws,
Nay, thruft into their Mouths my Fift,
And do with 'em e'en what my lift.
And then for Rhea, Mother, fne
Too bufy is, I warrant ye,
About her Love, to think of me.
But, after all this Scolding now,
Motker, I very fain would know,
}
K 2 Wkcre-
2 20 Burlefque Upon BurUfque \ Or^
Wherein I've done {o much amifs,
When all I've done's but only this,
To make that lov'd that lovely is :
Which, why it lliould be thus refented,
I know not; would you be contented
To have Man cur'd (faith, now tell true)
O'th' Painou thiit he has for you ?
Fenus. O thou art a malicious Brat^
To fay fo damn'd a Thing as that ;
Kut, Sirrah, one Day, polTibly,
Thou'lt think of what I've faid to thee.
r
DIALOGUE.
PIercules, JEscvLAPivs, afid Jupiter.
y«/. '\T7'HY, what, Sirs, are you both ftark mad !
Is there no Rev'rence to be had !
Are not you both afham'd to braul,
And make this Buflle in the Hall,
Together thus by th' Ears to fall
Like Rogues, and one another Hiaul
With Pots and Jugs, and all things fhufHe,
As you were at a Counter-fcujjle ?
D'ye makef^n Alt-hcufe of my Houfe !
If I reach one of ye a Doufe,
You'll learn more Manners, than to brabble,
And make an Uproar at my Table.
Hm.
The Scoffer feoff' d. a2i
Here. Is it fit, Father, that this Jack,
This paltry Mountebanking ^tack.
This Siringe, Glijier-pipe before ye,
This Leech, this vile Suppojiiory,
This Son cffx-uenty thou/and Fathers,
This Pack of Galley-pots and Bladders^
Before this heav'nly Company
Should offer to take Place of me ?
JEfculap. Sirrah, my noble Art difdalns
All thefe abominable Names
Thou vomit'll forth fo fluently ;
Nor does the Sluack belong to me ;
Thy Mountebank I do difclaim, 1
It my Profclfion can't defame, i
No Hocus nor no Leech I am : ^
But the renowned God of Phyjtcky
Who cure my Patients when they lie-fick.
Thy Better (^Ru£ian) in Defert j
Or his, whoever takes thy Part.
Here. In what {hnpojior) would'ft thou be
Thought the Advantage t'ave of me ?
Is it becaufe a Thunder-clap
G ave that Cahes-head of thine a Rap,
A due Reward for the Defert
Of thy vaft Knowledge and great Art ?
For {Mafer Dodor) in pure Pity
Great Jo-ve did only here admit ye.
jEfcul. It does become thee well, I faith.
Thus to reproach me with my Death,
Having thyfclf, without Reprieve,
On Of/a's Top been burnt alive
For an Example unto all.
Like a notorious Criminal.
K 3 Here.
222' Biirlefque upon Burlef^ue ; Or,
Here. But that was voluntary yet,
After I had with Labour great
(Since my own Afts I muft rehearfe)
Of Monficrs purg'd the Vni'verfe.
But what hali chou done for thy Part,
"^Vith all thy fo much boafted Art,
But, Emp'rickAA'X, impos'd thy Cheats,
Ey virtue of fome flol'n Receipts,
Which, let off with a brazen Face,
Perhaps at Couittry-VdXxs might pafs ?
MfcuL Thou fay'ft welL; for 'twas I app'y'd
The Urigiient to thy roafted Hickr
When thou camTc hither {Captain Swajhcr)
ScorcliM like a Herring, or a B.aper,
Sing'd like a Hog (foh ! thou ftink'il flill)
And fpitch-cock'd like a faked Eel:
But I, like thee, have never bin
Prentice t'a Whore to learn to fpin,
A little domineering Trull,
That made the big-bon'd Boohy pull
Coarfe Hempen-Hurds, flaver and twine,
A Thread, no doubt, as Cart-rcpe fine ;
And when the aukward Clujler-fifl,
(As he did oft) his Leffon m.ifs't,
And broke a Thread, then you might fee'r -. '■
Take him a Whirret on the Ear,
Calling him Dunce, and Loggerhead,
Whillt the tall Soldier quak'd for Dread.
Nor (Sirrah, Sauce box) doll thou hear i
I ne'er was yet the Murtherer
Of my own Wife ; nor yet did I
E'er Haughter my own Progevy,
Who,
The Scoffer feoff' d. 223
Who, Innocents, could none provoke,
As thon haft, to thy Praife be't fpoke.
Here. 'Twcre good thou left'ft thy Prating, Farrier j
And quickly too, or this tall Warrior,
Whom thou fo fcemeft to derpife.
Will kick thee headlong from the Skies,
And make thee, from the Cryfial Fault,
Take fuch a dainty So?ner-/ault,
That, when thou comefl to the Ground,
Thy Neck, I doubt, will fcarce be found.
Then thou may'ft try thy Skill in vain.
And ftrive to fet it right again,
When all thy Art will never do't,
Phji^k and Surgery to boot.
JEfc. Thou kick me down, thou vap'rii-g ScabJ
Thou kifs the /^z-fWof a Drab.
Thoo fpinn'ft already, and ftialt feel
I have a Fift will teach thee reel.
Let's have fair Play, and make a Round,
HI cuff with thee for twenty Pound :
Oi- I will meet thee where thou wo't.
Either with Seconds, or without.
With any Weapon thou doft. like
Betwixt a Bodkin and a Pike,
Where I will pay thee thy Defert :
And (thou preat Lubber) tho' thou art
A pretty Fellow with thy Clubj
I will thy Lion's-fkin fo drub.
If once thou dar'ft to bid me Battle,
Thy Bones fhall underneath it rattle.
Jup. BaJIa! no more, you wrangling 7V/',
Give o'er thefe Coftermonger\ Words.
K 4 Or,
2 24 Burkfqiie upon Burhj'iue \ Or^
Or, I pioteft (which I am loth)
I'll by the Shoulder thruft you both
Out of my Hall, and eke my Door?,
And pack you down 'mongft Oyjier-n^jhoren,
Porters, and Tnpe-ixomen to prate.
And cuJt it but at Billing/gate.
But, finl, I the Diipute will end.
For which fo fweetly yog contend ;
Know then (my Brace of ill-bred Huffers)
You pair of brawling drunken Cufers,
\o\x neither of you here have place.
But merely of my fpecial Grace ;
And therefore two great Coxccmbs are
Here to begin a Civil War,
And for a Thing to keep ado
Y'ave neither of ye Title to.
But henceforth (ye unmanner'd Jfes)
That you may know your Worlhips Places,
And no more fuch a Rumble keep,
I'll have it go by Elderjhip',
And, as the Doiitr older is,
So the Precedence fhall be his.
P I A-
7k Scoffer feoff' d. 2J5
DIALOGUE.
Mercury and Apollo.
Merc. APOLLO, what's the Matter, pray,
^ You look lb muftily To-day ?
Jpol. Why, never any, certainly.
Was yet fo crofs'd in Love as I ;
And any elfe, I think, would die of
Half the mifchievous Luck that I have.
Merc. Hail thou new Caufe with Fate to quarrel.
Since Daphne turn'd was to a Laurel?
Apd. Oh yes, yes, yes, my honeft Friend,
My Hyathinthus' timelefs End.
Merc. V. ho of his Murder was the Author ?
Jlpol. MyftJf am guilty of the Slaughter.
Mtrc. What, d:dlt thou do it in thy Fury ?
Thou'rt paffionate.
Jpol. No, I afTure ye,
The Paffion I had for that Creature
Was of anorhcr fort of Nature ;
But playing with the Boy at Mall,
(I rue the Time, and ever fhall)
I ftruck the Ball, 1 know not how,
(For that is not the PLiy, (you know)
A pretty Height into the Air,
^Vbcn Zt-phj/us (who, 't fcems, was there)
K 5 And
226 BtirJefque Upon Burkfqus \ Or-g
And long (as thou thyfelf haft feen)
Has jealous of our Friendfhip been,
Beat down the Ball without Ps-emorfe,
With fuch a moft confounded Force,
And gave his Head fo damn'd a Thum,
As breaking Pericranium,
S.al^, Dura, and eke Pia Maters
His Brains came poppling out like Water,
And the Boy dy'd To prettily,
'Twould e'en have done one good to fee.
I prefently purfu'd the Traytcr,
T'ave been reven^'d ; but no fuch Matter.
I notch'd an Arrow to have {hot him,
"But h€ foon out of Diftance got him.
Befides, although in a Long-Bo-w
I {hoot as well as moft 1 know.
Yet (like a Dunce) I ne'er could yet
The Knack of {hooting {lying get.
He was too fwift, and I too flow
To overtake the Wind, I trow.
So, feeing then the bloody Slave
Got into jEolus his C^-v^,
I back to my departed Joy ;
Where taking up the lovely Boy,
I honourably brought him home.
And built him 3 moft ftately Tomb,
Where my Jmcurs and He for ever
Are buried, and entomb'd together.
And yet, my Sweet-heart to furvive,
Ani keep my Comfort ftill alive,
i from his BJcod have caus'd to fpring
■ A Flow'r, the prettieft baubling Thing,
The Scoffer Jcqff^d. '
For Beauty, and for Sweetnefs too,
On the Enr/Z/s V/omb that ever grew :
Which alfo in its Foliage wears
Some Hicroghp/.'ic'i Chnracicn,
Whofe Senfc in myiHck Figures bcnrs
The Story of my Sighs and Tear :-.
And yet, alas ! for all I ftrive
My rooted Sorrow to deceive,
By all the moft diverting Ways,
I muft lament him all my Days.
Merc. Then, Friend -^/o//o, thou art not
The GodofWifdom, but a Sot :
For thofe who will defccnd fo far,
As to love Thing"! that mortal are,
Muft for Events like thcfe prepare*
Mortals to Fate are fubjed all,
Who fooner muft, or later fall ;
And the Word Mortal does imply.
That they are only born to die,
22
K 6
D I A-
2 28 Eurlefqtie upon BurUfq^ae-, Or^
DIALOGUE.
Apollo and Mercury.
Merc. J'TT'IS a ftr.inge Thing, methinks, y^a/^,
■"■ That this foul Thief all fmu'tch with Collovc,
This Vulcan, this old limping Rogue,
This nafty, fvvarthy, iJl-Iook'd Dig, .J^
Should have the Lnck io marry thefe,
So fair, fo handfome Godde£~es.
Nay more (which makes me hate the Slave)
The very faireft that we have :
Nor can it Hnk into my Pate
How they can hirg {o foul a Mate ;
Or when from's Forge he comes at Nighty
In that fame nafty fiinking Plight,
All Soot and Sweat, fo black and giin.
How they can go to Bed ta him :
Or rather not 5blfar atid fear him,
And even vojqak to eome near him.
JpoJ. Whvy 'tis a V/onder, certainly;
To ev'ry one, efpecially
One fo anforivmate as I.
Who though (I {^tTik/ans Vanity)
Vm fomething better made than he.
Not to fay inore, nevertheiefs
Defrair cf fo much Happinefs.
Merf*
rhe Scoffer f CO fd. 229
Merc, It to much Purp-rc- is for thee
To boafl thy Form and Harmony :
Thcfe Cattle care not of a Fig, ^
For thy fine frizzl'd Perrizvigj. y
Nor thy well flaying of a Jig. 3
An little would it profit me
To brag of my Adin;ily,
That I could wreftle, leap, and run.
And fell a Rogue with my Battoon :
No better Favour fhould I gain
By fhewing them Leger-dcmain.
No, no ! I fee, there are no Arts
To conquer the Madona''. Hearts ;
And we at Bed-time, when all's done,-
Shall find that \vc muH lie alone :
Whilrt a Mechanic^ Cripple here,
(Who doubtlefs docs a Vizor wear >
Or has the worft of ?M ill Faces)
Is towfing Vertitsy and the Graces,
ApoL Thy Forti>ne yet'mot quite fo bad:
Thou fome Luck in thy Life haft had.
Thou fomething hall to bray on yet,
One Fit with Ver.us them v. ift great j
When, from your mutual Delight,
There fprung a rare Hcrmctphroditc :
But, of two Perfons I ador'd.
The one my Love fo m.uch abhorr'd.
That, rather than (he'd fufFer mc,
She would be turn'd into u Tree j
And t'other, to my Flame more true,
I moft unfortunately ucw.
But tell me how thefe luiidfome Laffes,
Thy Millrefs Fenus, and the Graces,
Can
230 Biirlefque upon Burkfque ; Ovy
Can poffibly fo well agree,
And live together quietly i
How comes it neither jealous are,
Fstu's of Them, nor they of Her ?
Merc. That's nothing ftrange, where no great Love h.
Befides, fair Fe?ms oft above is
Faffing her Time mod jocundly
In Hea'v'fj, with better Compajiy.
While t'other are conftrain'd the while
To flay with them in Lemnos Ifle,
And little wanton Voms cares '
Who with her in the Black-Smith ilaares ;
She finer Fellows has than he
To help to do his Drudgery.
Mars and She {]o\tforgii'e them fcrt^t")
Have now and then a Night of Sport,
A Youth of other kind of Mettle,
Than that old Out fide of a Kettle ?
Apol. But do'Il thou think Vulcan does drean*
That Captain Svjajh does Cuckold him F
Merc. Nay, faith, he knows it well enough ;
But he fo dreads that Man of Btrj^,
That whatfoe'er he fees or hears.
He dares not mutter for his Ears.
Befides, thou know'fl, and oft has feen't.
How monftrous rude and infolent
The hufHng angry Boys of War
With pitiful Mechanicks are..
JpoL Well, but I'm told the Hoh-vail-maker
Is plotting, for all that, to take her.
And is contriving a ftrange Gin
To trap her and her Bravo in»
Mere^
The Scoffer fcojf'd. 231
Men. I can fay nothing as to that,
But (betwixt Friends) I'll tell thee what.
So her Bumfiddle I had clapp'd,
I'd be contented to be trapp'J.
050 ci^o5oo5oo^oc^^C)^DO$ooJoo^c^oJK;o5o>^ocvJoD5oo<Jco5oi50(^
DIALOGUE.
Juno and L a t o n a.
''Jun. TN truth (Latona) thou doft bear
Such lovely Brats to Jupiter,
That I have thought it Pity often
They were not lawfully begotten.
hat. They like their other Neighbours are.
Not over-foul, nor over-fair ;
They pretty pafTable are, though
{7'bank Jove) the Children arefo-fo :
But each one muft not think to bear
So fine a Piece as Mulciber,
Jun. I underftand thee well enough^
Jeer on, my Back is broad enough :
Fulcan is not fo finely drefs'd
As Don /Ipollcy 'tis confefs'd j
Yet Venus (though he's not fo trim)
Found in her Heart to marry him.
And, if the Artizan be lame,
We are for that Mifchance to blame,
JPcr cv'ry one knows how it came.
, )
I
But,
232 Biirkfquc upon Burlefqtie \ Or,
But, though a Cripfle in his Feet,
His Hands do recoinpenfe it yet j
For better Workman nzver/mote
if'ith Hammer, ^a'hilj} the Irn nj.-as hoi,
*Tis he embelliili'd has the Skies
With all thofe pretty twinkling Eyes :
*Tisihe alone can und-^rtake
Jupiter''^ Tbunder-lohs to make ;
Nay, all the Deities befide
Are f om his Induflry fapply'd ;
And he's put to't fo to find Wares <
To furnifh all hii Cujhmers,
That oftentimes conftrain'd they are
To beg, intreat, ^.nd /peak him fair
To get him make their Iron-ware.
They are all bound i' him (on my Word)
Mars iorh'u Cuir ace, Shield, and tSoy?/-^;
The bluft'ring uEol for his Bidenty
And Neptune for his maffy Trident j
Ceres for Sickles, Pan for Crooks,
Pomona for her Pruning-hooksy
Priapus for his Grafting-knivesy
And Sir Promethius for his Gieves.
Nay, hold ! 1 have not yet half done.
He's Smith and Farrier to the Sun,
Does th' Iron-work his Chariot needs.
Shoes, bloods, and drenches both his Steeds ;
Of which the one the other Day
He of a Grn'vel cur'd, they fay.
And t'other of a Fijiula.
Nay, a new Pair of Wheels are made,
(The old ones being much dccay'd)
I
Per
rhe Scoffer fi of d. ^Z^
For which he makes fuch lading Tire^
As all the Black-Smiths do admire ;
EuJ?jes the Naves, clouts th' Axle-trees ,
And twenty finer Things than thefe.
The CiJJfJJls arc fain to wooe him.
And come to be beholden to him,
To make their Needles and their Shears :
And thofe fine Pattens his Wife wears
Arc of his making too fhe fwcars.
By which it evident appears
He's beft at any Iron Thing
That ever made an Jnz'il ring :
But that great ramping Fu/s, tliy Daughter,
A Mankind-Trull, inur'd to Slaughter,
To ihejhft Sex's foul Difgrace,
Rambles about from Place to Place,
And ev'n as far as Scythia ranges,
Where Murder (he for Loves exchanges.
And, without Sen/e, Grace, or good Manners,
Butchers her courteous Entertainers ;
In this more fierce and cruel far
Than the moft bloody Scythians are.
And then thy Son, that hopeful Piece,
Apollo, Jack of all Trades is :
Of many Arts (forfooth) he's Mailer,
An Archer, F idler, Foet after,
A kind of Salt in hanco too,
Which thorough Provinces docs go.
And kill--; cum prii'ilegio.
Nay, he pretends to more than this.
He fets up Oracle-Jhops in Greece.
Ai Delphos, Didyma, and Claras,
To ei:ch of which he h.ith a IVarc-houfe
\
Siurd
2^4 BurJefque upon Burlefque; Of,
Stuff'd full of Lyes, for great and fmall,
'To gull poor filly Souls withal.
Yet fo, that all his fuflian Fiftions,
"Which he pretends to be Prediftions)
Though cv^ry one of them a Lye,
Are couch'd fo wond'rous canninglyy
That, howfoe'er Things come about.
He has a Back-door to get out.
in the mean Time the World abounding
With Puppies (that, it feems, fcap'd Drowning)
By thefe Impofiures, and damn'd CheaiJ,
Of Fools he llore of Money gets ;
But yet the Wife too well do know
His Cheats, to part with Money fo j
They find his Skill in Prophecy,
Who was fo wife not to forefee
That he one Day againft his Will
Should his dear Hyathinthus kill ;
Nor that fair Daphne, his coy M^fsj
V/ouId never like that Face of his, a.
For all he wears his Beard fo fprig.
And has a fine Gold Perriwoig.
I wonder then, that thou (houldft be
Preferr'd thus before Niobe ;
Or, that thy Ifiue fhould be thought
Fairer than thofe that Ihe hath brought.
Lat. Come, come, thy Spite and Malice few know
Belter than I do. Madam Ju):o ?
I know ; but care not of a Chip,
Where the Shoe ^wrings your Ladyjhip.
Thou'rt vex'd unto the Heart (I trow)
To fee my Children triumph fo.
And ruinc in Heaven as thev do ;
And
I
,^C The Scoffer feoff' d. 2^5
And that they celebrated are
The one for beautiful and fair,
And t'other fur his Skill fo rare
O'th' Har/>, Theovbi), and Guitarre.
Jun. What fenfelefs Things fond Mothers are'.
Thou mak'it me lauo^h, I vow and fwear,
'I'o think thy Sorv thou fiiouldll maintain
To be a good Mu/ula.i :
"I'hat miierable Harper, who,
Fcr r.iking his vile GnaJr'/i f),
Inllead o{ Marftas had been flead.
And had his Skin ftripp*d o'er his Head,
Had not the nine corrupted IVencli!
Giv'n Sentence ^galv.fi their CcnfcitKcts.
As for ihy Daughter's V7i/g-.^ in's Ncfe :
Yet, tho' the Sight be but unfesmly,
I envy this fame Mars extremely.
To be furpriz'd in Bed with her.
Who is of GoddefTes the Star,
With whom no other can compare.
For fweetly, e.vcellently fair,
Eeliev't, Jpdh, is moft rare !
And then to be ty'd to her too,
With Bonds that no one can undo ?
To her, I fay, than faireft fairer,
O that's more ravifhing and rarer !
Jpol. Thou fpeak'it fo feelingly, J wis,
"With fuch a tickling Emphaiis,
As
}
rhs Scoffer fccff'd.
As thoud'ft a Mind to have it thought
Thou would'it thyfelf be fain fo caught.
Merc. Marry, who doubts it ? Ay, orelfc
Would I had Clapper loft and Belh.
lyo but go with me now, and fee
Beauty in her Captivity ;
And if thou be'll not of my Mind,
1 then (my Friend) (hall be inclin'd.
Or to fufpeft that there may be
Something in't of Frigidity ;
Or wonder that thy Continence,
Beholding fo much Excellence,
Should be fo conftant, and fo great.
Which rare is in a Carrot-pate.
241
'^mmi^
D I A L O G U E
Juno a]id Jupiter.
^'"^•"W^'^^ flir (thou mighty Cod cf Thmukr)
I cannot chufe, mcihlnks, but wondc;
How thou canll be content to have
Such an effeminate drunken Knave
As Bacchui is, to call thee Father!
If he were mine, I Ihould much rather
Adopt, than fuch a. Rake-hell own,
A foak'd Dutch S^vahler for my Son.
A drunken Whelp, whofc whole Delight
Is fwinilh Swilling Day and Night,
h
With
242 Burlefque Upon Burlcfque \ Or^
With a loud Crew of hair-biain Jades,
A Knot of very £ne Comrades ;
Yf t p-ood enough for him they be.
And far more Mafculine than he :
Whilft to their Tabors and their Pipes
He jolts about his fwagging Tripes,
With his Hair crifp'd fo neat and fine.
And crown'd with Chaplcts of the Vine,
More like a Morris-dancer far
I'han any Son oi Jupiter .
Jup. Yet this efteminate drunken St/,
This Sivahher, and I can't tell whal.
With which thy over-lib'ral Clapper
Is pleas'd his Merit to befpatter,
Has, in a very little Space,
Conquer'd both LxJia and Thrace,
Which are no common Viilories :
Nay, of the Inc^ies too made Prize,
After triumphandy he had
Thtir huffing King a Captive made.
For air - Br, ihuIocs, and his Rants,
And hi? Lij'e-gnarii Qi Elephants.
Is this a defpicable Son,
Vvho has fo noble Conquefts won ?
Nay, and (v. hich yet appears more great)
Without the Pother, Toil, and Sweat,
The Vvounds, the Blood, the Smart, and Pain,
V/ith which all ethers Conqueft gain ?
This Fellow fubj agates the Earth
In a perpetual Roar of Mirth,
Of Fiddling, Dancing, Wenching, Drinking,
Who, none would think he leaft was thinking
Of
I'he Scoffer feoff d, 24 j
Of any fuch important Matter,
Of plotting Tilings of that high Nature :
And often (which is ftranger yet)
At Times when he fecnis mofl untu
Either to aft, or to command ;
So drunk, he cannot go nor lland.
And if at any Time there are
Any fo impudent to dare
Rither to cenfure or dcfpife
His jovial Rites and Myjleries,
He takes them in his Lime-twigs ftralght,
And teaches them fo well to prate,
That once (among a many other
llevenges dire) he maJe a ' Mother, * Jfra.
For an Impiety like this,
Tear her own Ifliic piece by piece :
And was not this, I fain would hear.
Worthy the Son of Jufiter !
And if he be f^as nonxj'a-days
Manv youitg People take ill It'nys)
A Tc/s-pott and a drunken I'cafi, f
It always is at his own Coir,
And none (for all's Debauchery)
Can fay fo much as black'' s his Eye.
jBefides, if he fuch Things can do.
When drunk as Drum., or It'heelharroi'..,
W hat would not thif God of October
Perform, I prithee, when he's fober ?
Jun. Why this is wonderfully fiiie ?
Wilt not proceed to praife (Friend mine)
His rare Invention of the Vine,
That Parent of accurfed Ifiiie,
\
I. z After
244 Burlefque tipoji Burlefque \ Or,
After thou had, with thine own Eyes,
Beheld the many Miieries
And Mifchief that the World difquiets,
Fi-iD'j, Bloodjheds, Re/cues, Routs, and Riots,
BravAs, Brailles, Shrieks, iYlQ Dcv''l and all,
Of which it is th' Original ?
And that it coft the firlt * Boon-blade, * Icaruf.
To whom he this fine Prefent made,
Even liis Life, who had his Brains
Beat out his Coxco?nb for his Pains ?
Ji'p. Pifh, pifh, thou talk'ft thou know'fl not what !
The H'^im for this is not in fault ;
'Tis not the Wine, but the Excefs,
That caufes all this V/ickednefs.
Wine cf itfclf's a gen'rcus Juice,
Of which the right and mod'rate \J\e:
Quickens Man's Wit, and chear's his Heart,
Gives Vigour unto ev'ry Part,
And the whole Man with Fire fupplies
Both to Defign and Enterprize :
ikit Jealoufy and Envy make
Your Ladyjhip thus ill to fpeak ;
There was a Semele, I trow.
Who ftill flicks in thy Stomach fo ;
Thou elfe would'lt have more V/it or Shame
Than thus indiff'rently to blame,
With thy eternal Bihbh-Babble,
What's ill; with what is commendable,
D I A-
The Scoffer fcoff\l
245
DIALOGUE.
Ven us and Cupid.
FeH. /^Ome on (Sir Love) fmce none is by
But your fmall Deiiy and I,
I muft examine you a little.
And tell me true unto a Tittle,
Sirrah, it were your beft, or elfe
I'll jeik you with my Pantabks :
How comes it (Youth) to pafi, that ycu
Who all the Deities fubdue,
And at thy Pleafure canft make Noddies
Of every God, and every Gcdde/s j
Nay, even me dofl fo inflame,
Who (Skit-breech) thy own Mother am :
But yet Dame Pallas canft not flir,
As if (forfooth) alone for her
Thou had'ft no Arrows in thy Quiver,
Nor yet a Torch to finge her Liver ?
Cup. Why (to confefs the Truth) I ipare her
For no very good Will I bear her :
But (lie is fuch a ftrapping Jade,
InSadnefs, Mother, I'm afraid
To meddle witli her. T'other Day
I for her in clofe Ambufli lay,
And a convenient Stand had got.
Intending to have pink'd her Coat ;
And
246 Burlefque upon Burlefqiie \ Or,
And to that End had chofe an Arrow
(With which I fcorn to mifs a Sparrow)
Had notch'd it, and, without all Dread,
Had drawn it almoft to the Head ;
When, by the Snapping of a Twig
Efpying me, fne look'd fo big.
And did her Laance fo fiercely brandifli.
My Face tiirn'd whiter than your Hand is ;
And I fuch Fear was flruck withal,
1'hat Bow and Shaft from Hand did fidl ;
ISay, I myfelf came tumbling down,
As fne had frxOt me with a Frown,
>.o fuddenly, that, but my Wings
By voluntary Fliitterings
Broke the main Fury of my Fall,
i think, I'd broke my Neck withal ;
And yet was not the Squelch fo ginger,
iJut that I fprain'd my little Finger.
re/!. But Mars more dreadful is than fhe,
for all her Launce and Shield, can be ;
His Locks were terrible and grim,
Yet thou art not afraid of him.
CnJ). I twice dare him, e're once offend her^
He frankly does his Arms furrender
To my Difpofe, nay, very often
Calls me his Iran-Jides to foften :
WJiereas this iowrc Pal of Ambree
Huffs it, and looks a-fKew at me ;
And wlien the domineering Drab
r;eheid me, like a half-i'iedg'd Squu.b,
Come fluttering headlong from the Bough,
Sirrah (<juoth Hie) thou Eajiard thou.
If
/7.'i46'
^aufiy itel.
"^m
cY
^^y^'///4{
the Scoffer fcoff\l 247
Ifwith thy famous Archery
Thou dar'll to make a IJutt of me,
Aflure thyfclf, my mortal "Javelin
Shall in a Moment be thy Navel in ;
Or I will catch thee up by one
Of thofe fat Stumps thou walk'ft upon,
And give your Rogue/hip fuch a Swing,
As (Monfieur Chitty-face) fliall fling
Vou and your Implements to Hell :
And therefore (Don) confider well
Whom thou attack'll. Go, bird at other
Ladies of Pleafure, fhoot thy Mother ;
She fuch a conftant Friend to Love is,
She'll take it for a Son-like Office;
But level not at me thy Tiller :
For if thou doll (thou pore-blind Killer)
I've told thee what thou art to fear.
And I will do it, as I'm here.
Thus faid, (he (which not to diflemble)
Indeed, lau Mother, made me tremble,
And that too with fo fierce a Look,
As my poor Heart could no way brook ;
But, like an Afpen-leaf I Jhookj
And ftar'd as I'd been Planet-llruck,
"Which Face fo terrible appears
In that fame Stcel-Mo»/^^r of her's ;
And then her Shield's fo full of Dread,
With that foul llaring Gorgon s Head,
Which, drefb'd up in a Tour of Snakes,
The Sight fo much more horrid makes,
That the Remembrance makes me fwcat ;
Udsfp ! meihinks I fee it yet.
L 4. '^'w*
}
248 Burkfque upon Burkfque ', Or^
^ „s Feu. Dame Pa/las and Me^itt/a's Head
Are mighty dang'rous Things indeed :
Bat yet, for all this mighty Fear,
Thou nothing mak'il of Jupiter,
For all the Thunder he does bear.
But (Sirrah) after thefe Excufes,
{ low ccrnes it that the Nine fair Mufes,
Who Gcrgons Head nor Thunder have.
Should "fcape thy Darts, thou juggling Knave ;
Who, for all thou to do art able.
Do ilill remain invulnerable.
Cup. V/hy, faith, I do thofe Dam/eh fpare.
Out of the Rev'ience that I bear
To their good Singing; who, when I
Happen into their Company,
iing me, and that without Intreaties,
Such Sonnets, Madrigals, and Ditties,
As ravifh me, to tell ycu plainly ;
For, you knovv, I love Eallads mainly :
i then were an ingratefu! Dog,
Should I thofe Virgins fet a-gog
Vv'ith a mad Flame that nothing dreads.
And make theni loofe their Maidenheadj ;
V.y which their Voices cv'ry one
Would be fouFcrack'd, nay, fpoii'd and gone.
Vtn. But wiiat hasDcme Diana done.
That thou fhould'ft let her too alone ?
VvTjich way has fne (linall ^uinr' bearer)
Oblig'd the Deity to fpare her !
Cup. Oh, that Donzella, by Relation,
I.; ta'en up with another Paffioii.
Ven. What Pafllon's that of Love takes Piute ?
Cup. V/hy, fhe's enamour'd of thf r/...?-'.
Where-
7 he Scoffer feoff' d. 249
Wherein the luily well-bre.ith'd Dame
So fall purfucs the Hying Game,
The Hart, and Hind, the Buck, and Doc,
And (kirs thro' Woods and Forefts fo.
That, fli nild I ftalk at her a Year,
I ne'er (hall get a Shot at her ;
And, to pmTue her is no boot,
The Dam/el is too fwift of Foot :
But for her Brother, that Prince Prig,
For all his dainty fanded Wig,
And that he Ihoots at fuurteen-fcore,
I think ^—
Veil. Thou needft to fay no more ;
Thou oft has made thy Hery Dart
fizz in the Hollow of his Heart.
L5 riu
250 BLrkfqtie upon Burkfque •, Or,
The yudgment of Paris.
DIALOGUE.
Jupiter, Mercury, Paris, and the
Three God defies.
.7''/'- |l_IJiY! Lacquey iV/frcwry, appear!
*- •* Merc. Atit like your Majefty, I'm here.
Jiip. Here (Sirrah) take this golden Apple,
A!;d go where Paris tends his Cattle
On ida'% Top, to that fmug Paris,
Who all the Shepherds much more fair is ;
That fniooth-fac'd Tro-au and acquaint him.
That 1 of Beauty Judge appoint him,
Becaufe he is a pretty FeHow,
A id fometimes makes his Neighbours yellow.
And that he knows, the' clad in Frock,
.r/ Woma7i from a Water-cock.
Cojne (fair ones) come, what are you doing ?
It is high time that you were going ;
I'il not be Judge, I fvvear, that's flat:
1 think, I know enough for that :
For, if I Ihould decide the Strife
Betwixt mv Daughters and my IfifCi
Such
Tbe Scoffer Jcofd. 251
Such Matters I am fo expert in,
That Two 1 ihould ofFcncl, that's certain :
And, to be plain, I mainly dread
.^Pulliiiy an old Ho life o'er my Head.
"•Then, fithence I can pleafe but one,
I will e'en fairly let't alone !
For you are three that for it grapple,
And you all know there's but one Apple,
And I- could wifli, wer't I that gave it,
That ev'ry one of you might have it :
But none of you need doubt t'appear
Before this new Lord Chancellor !
Don Paris, who is to decide
Your Controverfy upon Ide,
Though Chaticeries admit no Jury,
For he's a A7///s Son, I aflure yc,
Dcfcended from an honefl Breed,
Own Coufm here to Ganymede^
So upright and fo innocent,
That you all ought to rell content,
And have no Reafon to efchew him,
But wholly put the Matter to him.
Venui. For my part, Father "Jupiter ^
I am content, and am fo far
From queftionlng, much more refufing.
Any for Judge is of thy chufing,
That I Ihould never doubt the Matter,
Were Momus' felf the Arbitrator ,
And willingly to this fubmit.
Who, if he have or Eye, or Wit,
Will furely underlUnd the Duty
That he and all Men owe to &tauty ;
L6 And
2^53 Biif'lepiue upon Burkfque ', Or,
And if my Rivals do confent,
I-'ormy part, I am moft content.
'Juf20. I from the Setiience fliall not budge,
Tho' Mars himfclf were to be 'Judge,
Altho' thy Paramour he be,
And likely to incline to thee.
Jup. Art thou, Minewa, too agreed ?
She bhifhes, and holds down her Head.
But Mcdefty's the Maiden's Grace ;
Befides, I hate a brazen-Face,
And thou wert virtuouily rear'd ;
Maids Jfjould be feen, thsy faj, not heard.
Therefore, I fee, thou'rt, too, content.
And mcdeil Silence gi'ves Confent.
Co on then in a happy Hour,
And let not thcfe, who lofe, look fowr,
Stomach the Award, nor bear a Grudge
To him whom I have made your Judge :
Fcr there is but one Golden Ball,
Which can't be given to you all ;
Nor yet can fev'ral Beauties Ikike
The young Man's Liking all alike :
And therefore he mufl ffiv't to one,
Or keep't himfelf, and give it none.
Merc. Come now, ye've heard your Charge, I pray.
Let us be jogging. Ladies gay.
And fet forth towards Pkrygia ;
i Ulead the beft and nearcli Way,
That you may neither flop nor Hay ;
ycr fuch wild Cattle often llray.
Aad, forthe Bus'nefs of the Ball,
Never concern ycurfelves at all j
I know
}
ne Scoffer fcofd. 253
I know this Paris well enough.
And of his Dealing have had Proof:
He is a very honeft Younher,
A bonny Lad, and a great Punhr
As out on's Sight did ever thrull his — —
I'll warrant you, he'll do you Juftice.
ren. The Charaaer, thou giv'll the Youth,
Does even ravifh me, in Truth :
I've heard none fuch this many a Day :
But is he marry'd, prithee, fay ?
Merc. He was a Batihelor lad Friday,
But he a " Sweet-heart has on Ida, * Oenon^i
If I miftake not ; but fhe is
Some coarfe, fome home-fpun, ruftick Piece,
That only now and then attends him,
To draw the Humours out offends him ;
A necefTary Piece of Wealth,
To keep his Body in good Health,
With whom he plays, to help Digeftion ;
But what makes thee to afx. that Queftion ?
Ven. I know not how it came to pafs,
Of fomething elfe I think it was.
Pal. You, nimble Monfatr Merc'ry there,
Captain Condudor, do you hear ?
You ill difcharge your Trull (I trow)
To hold Dlfcourfe and whifper fo
With Madam Venus on the Way ;
Is that in your CommiJJion, pray ?
Merc, Why if to pafs the Time we chat.
What can you (Madam) make of that ?
»Twas no fuch Secret, never fear it,
That we talk'd of, but you may hear it ;
Sh«
254 Burlefque upon BurUfque \ Or,
She only afk'd, li Paris were
A marry'd Man, or Batcheler ?
Pal. And good-now, what is that to her?
Merc. Nay, what know I (my Lady fine r)
She fays it was without Defign.
Pal. And is he marry'd ?
Merc. I think not ;
For why fhould he be fuch a Sot,
As to "O tie himfelf to one,
When all he fpeaks to are his own ?
Pal. What ! is the Fellow a mere Bumpkin,
A down-right Clod ? or has he fomething
Of Honour or Ambition in him ?
For thou, it feems, haft often feen him.
Merc. Why, faith, the Fellow being young.
Of adive Limbs, and pretty Ibong,
And being Son unto a Ki^g,
I think he would give any Thing,
Nay (on my Confcience) half his Cattle,
To fignalize himfelf in Battle ;
And would be glad, 'mongu; armed Bands,
To fhew how tall he is on's Hands,
Always provided in the Cafe,
The Royjiers would not fpoii his Face.
Fen. Why look you now, I can connive at
Your two difcourfing thus in private,
Who, tho' you have much longer chatted.
Yet yc u fee, I'm not angry at it.
I'm of another kind of Nature,
And no fuch froward fnappiih Creature.
Merc. Nor is there Caufe here, I afTure ye.
To put your hadyjhip in Fury j
}
For
The Scoffer fcof'd, 255
For all fhc afk'd me was no more.
But jull the fame you did before ;
And I returnM in anfwer, too,
I'he fame to Her I did to Ton.
But yet this little fnapping Fray ;
Has help'd well onward on our Way :
If clp'd us well onward only, faid 1 1
Why, we're paft all the Stars already.
And over P/jiygi a now are come ;
And fo, fair Ladies, welcome home :
And fee, fiveet Charges, I have fpy'd ;
The famous Mount ycleped Ue ;
And now I come a little nigher,
I think, I fee your Apple-Squire.
Juii. Whereabouts is he ? Prithee fhew f
For hang me if I fee him now.
Merc. A little on your Left-hand, Madame
Driving his Flocks, I think, to fhade 'eni
O'th' Side of the high Mountain yonder ;
You there may fee your Cojlard-inonger :
His Flock lies open to your View,
And yonder is his Cabbin too.
Jun. Where is this Youngfter, with a Pox ?
1 fee no Cabbins nor no Flocks.
Merc. A better pair of Eyes Jovt fend ye ;
I doubt, your Bon-grace does offend ye ;
Vour Maid'nhead hangs not in your Light,
'Jo've is too good a Carpet-Knight :
I ne'er faw th' like in all my Days ;
Why he's as plain as Ao/e on Face,
Guide your Eye by my Finger here ;
Do you not fee feme Flocks appear
Coming
2^6 Burkfqtic upon Burkfque ; Or,
Coming from out yon Rocks, pray fpeak.
And one with Sheep-hook on his Neck,
Sending his Cur to fetch 'em in ?
They're plain enough, fure, to be feen !
Jun. Oh, now I fee'm ; Is that the Youth ?
Merc. That, Madam, 's even he, in Truth :
But now that we are got fo near,
I think it good Difcretion were
That, e're we further go, we here
Do make our Stop, and light, for fear,
Leil:, whilft on us he leafl is ftudy'ng,
Flutt'ring about his Ears o'th' fudden.
We fhould, perhaps, affright him fo.
That the poor Shepherd would not know
Nor what to think, nor what to do.
And he, who to determine is
Of fuch a Tickle-point as this.
Had need to have his Wits about him,
Jun. Which if he have, I nothing doubt him.
So now we're down ; and now, I pray.
Let goody Venus lead the Way ;
For doubtlefs, fhe, of all the reil:,
Moft Reafon has to know it beft.
As having oft, to feed her Vices,
Eeen here to feek her Friend Anchifes.
Fen. Well, Go'verne/s oi Hewv'n'i Cotmnander,
It is well known thy Tongue's no Slander 3
Slander to her who Slander broaches,
I fcorn both thee and thy Reproaches.
Merc. Fy ! (Ladies) fy ! is this your Breedino-
To fquabble now you come to Pleading !
But I fliail this Difpute decide,
I myownfelf will be your Guide j
For
The Scoffer fcuff^d. 257
For I remember well, when 'jcve
Unto young Ganymeik made love,
I often on tliis Hill did light
To fee the litile Favourltt-,
To bring him Plums and Alackaroons,
Which welcome are to fuch fmall Grooms >
And, when he carry'd him away,
I flew about 'em all the Way,
To hold him up : And wc muil; be
Near to the Place, for now I fee
(Or I millake) the very Rock
Where he fat piping to his Flock,
When Jupiter, in fliapc of Eagle,
Came the young Stripling to inveigle.
And fcizing him like any Sparrow,
With his Beak holding his Tiara,
To make him fure, as fwift as Hobby,
He bare him into Heaven's Lobby ;
Whilfl the poor Boy, half dead with Fear,
Writh'd back to view his Spiritcr ;
And then it was that he let fall
The Flute he piping was withal,
When J, who will no Gain let go by.
Seeing my Time, catch'd up the Hoboy.
But here is your CommiJJioner
Of Oyer and Terminer ',
Let's civilly falute him, pray,
And give his Lordjlj-p time o'th' Day.
Good Day, thou top of Shepherds Fame.
Paris. To thee (fair Son) I wifli the fame.
What Ladies are thefe pretty Faces
Thou Icad'il into thefe defart Places ?
They
258 Eurkfque upon Burlefque ', Or,
They are too fine and tender, fure,
Thefe fcratching Brambles to indure.
Merc. Ladies ! thou (Paris J mov'fl my Laughter,
They're Deities ev'ry Mother^s Daughter.
'jou have before you, I'd have you know,
Venus, Minerva, and i^een Juno.
'Tis Truth I tell you (Sir) and I
Am Cavaliero Mercury.
What ! thou turn'ft Colour (jny good Friend)
And feem'ft to be at thy Wits End ;
Take Courage (Paris) I exhort thee,
We are not hither come to hurt thee ;
But 'caufe thy Judgment we approve
'Bove others, in Affairs of Love,
And know thee for a Fornicatory
We come to make thee Arbitrator
Of a long Suit thefe Goddejfes
Depending have i'th' Common-Picas,
About Priority of Beauty :
And therefore (Paris) do thy Duty.
As to the reft, the Viftors need,
Thou may'ft about this Apple read.
Par. Let's fee't. Hump I What's written here ?
Gi--ve this unto the fairej} Fair.
Great Gods ! how fhould a mortal Wit
Be able to determine it !
Too mean Man's Skill, without Difpute, is
To judge of your immortal Beauties t
To judge of fuch Celeftial Lafles
A Swain's Capacity furpaffes !
Or that, if any human W it
Were capable of doing it.
Some
The Scoffer feoff d. 259
Some Ccuriier it fliould be, no doubr.
Much rather than a Colli n Clout.
If I were put to it to tell
Which of my Sheep does bear the Dell,
Or to point out the faircll Goat,
IM ',>uc-fb »viih any for a Gvoat ;
And 1 have fuch good Judgment in It,
That, perad venture, I might win it :
Eut thefe are Beauties fo Divine,
And all witli fuch Perfedions Ihine,
That a Man's Eye has much ado
T'lcave One to look on t'other Two,
But, with the £ril fo captivated,
From thence he hardly can tranflate it ;
But 'tis there riveted, concluding.
That fair'fl is without Difputing.
Befides (to fpeak the Truth) my Sight
So dazzled is witli fo much Light
Of heavenly Beauty, that I vow,
Two Eyes, methinks, are not enow ;
But I at fuch a time as this
Would be all Eyes, as Jrgus is,
"With fuller Sight to look upon
So much, fo rare PerfciStion.
And yet, ev'n in that State, I fear,
One being Wife to Jupiter^
TJie other Two his Daughters, I
Should do very imprudently.
In a Contell of fuch high Nature,
As this for Preference of Feature,
Either to meddle or to make.
But, as they brew, fo let 'em bake.
Mc
re.
a6o Btirlefque upon 'Burlefque \ Cr,
Merc. Youfometimes may Difcretion afe,
But here you can nor will nor chufe :
^Jupiter fays it fhall be fo.
And what that means, you needs muft know.
'Tis then in vain to prate and babble,
His Orders are irrevocable.
Par, Why then have at *em ! and let thofe,
Whofe Luck 'twill be the Prize to lofe.
Blame their ill Fortune, and not me,
For I can pleafe but One of Three.
Merc. Nay, they're all bound to that already ;
To judgment therefore, and be fpeedy.
Par. Why, feeing that it muft be fo.
Stand out (fair Ladies) all a-row :
But lirfr (Sir Merc'ry) I would know,
If I may fee 'em nak'd or no :
For Womens chief Perfeftions d.o
Lie underneath their Cloaths below j
Which they muft either naked ihow
And flrip themfelves from Top to Toe,
And ev'ry Goddefs lay her Tail
As bare and naked as my Nail,
That I may fee out of the Cafe
All Things as well as Handi and Face j
Or I ihall never be ^o wife, ->
Where I can have no Ufe of Eyes, C
With Juftice to award the Prize. 3
Merc. Why, thou art Dominus Fac-totumy
And may'fl at Will Unpetticoat 'em.
Par. Why then, if I may rule the Roaft,
I afreft naked Women moft ;
And therefore, Mercery, fo prefent 'em,
I may fee all that Jo-ve has fcnt 'em.
Merc.
The Scoffer fccff'd. 261
M.7V. Come, Ladles, blanch you to your Skins,
'Tis but a Penance for your Sins,
And vvl'.at you are oblig'cl to do ;
Your Governor will have it fo.
And, whilft your Judge with leering Eyes
Into each Cliink and Cranny plies
Of all your Curiofities,
I'll be fo civil and fo v/ife.
Left anv Mifchief fliould arife,
To turn my Back, which is of all
Refpccts the moft unnatural ;
And, whilft your Treafure you difplay,
Turn my Calves-head another way.
Ven. Why, an't be your Worflvlp's Eafe,
You may e'eii do fo if you plcafe :
But otherwjfe (my modoll Don)
Some here can abide Looking on ;
And, tho' you are a nimble one,
Let our Apparel but alone,
And there is nothing, I dare fay.
Your Modcfly can flcal away.
In the mean time, Gramercy Paris !
He loves, I fee, that Play that fair is.
And moft judicioufly has fpoken,
He will not buy a Pig a Poke in j ;
But wifely will bring all Things out.
And fee within Doors and without ;
And I will fliew thee fuch a Sight,
That if thou haft an Appetite, 1
And art indeed a true-bred Cock,
When I pull off my Cambrick-Smock,
Shall make thee glory in thy Being,
And blcfs Jove for thy Senfe of Seeing.
ThouMt
I
262 'Bur] efque upon Bur lefqtie \ Dry
Thou'It then fee I not only have
Eyes, Cheeks, and Lips that can enflave,
Aail outward Beauties (or elfe fome lye)
As captivating and as comely.
As either ya«5's here, or Hcr's,
Who Hand my fair Competitors ;
But fuch a Skin, fo fmooth and fupple,
Of Legs fo white a parting Couple.
.Such Knees, fuch Thighs, and fuch a ^;«/;7,
And fuch a, fuch a Modicum^
Shall make thy melting Mouth to water
perhaps by Fits, for fev'n Years after.
Pal. Take heed (young Paris) thou'rt a Kovicey
And that the cunning Do.t}ie of Love is ;
Look not upon her, 'tis not bell.
Until {he have put off her Cejl ;
For fhe's a Sorcere/s, and carries
Enchantments in it, Mo7ifietlr Paris.
She's nought but Treachery and Treafon,
Nor, to fay truly, it is Reafon,
Now that her Beauty ^ brought to th' Tell,
That fhe fliall come fo finely drell.
Like a patch'd Minx, and painted Whore j
But when fhe comes her Judge before.
As file came into th' World, 1 take it,
Should appear open, plain, and naked,
Stripp'd of her Pouncings and Devices,
Her Shifs, her Tricks, and Artifices,
Par. Troth, fhe fpeaks Reafon ; come, lay by
That tawdry Girdle prefently.
Ven. Make her her Helmet then lay by.
She fhall be Itripp'd as v.'cll as I,
}
There's
Ibe Scofdr feoff \i. 263
Theie'sno Enchantment in my Ce/i :
liut that fame C>_/6 has fuch a CieJI,
As is pjiough, to look on it.
To fright a Shepherd out en's Wit.
Sure, flic's afraid that her blue Eyes
Want Power to obtain the Prize,
And if flic finds they cannot do't.
She means to flight or beat thee to't :
And I commend her WifJom truly ;
For her blue Eyes will coine ofF blucly.
Pa/, No, I as thee as foon will ftrip ;
And for to pleafe your Ladyjhip.,
'I here lies the over- awing Creji.
Fen. ' ris very brave, and there's my Ce_p,
Jtm. Fie, what a tedious V.'ork you make it !
J^et's ftrip, I long to be Itark-naked :
And now we naked are (Sir Part!)
Confider, pray, which the moll fair is.
Par. Ay, marry, here's a Sight worth feeing,
Tho' one had fpent's Ellate in feeing.
Oh what rare Flefh ! what Excellencies !
What dainty, fuper-dainty Wenches!
What a brave Lafs is Modam Pall !
What State does 'Juno move withal !
By which 'tis evident they are
Daughter and Wife to Jupiter.,
But /V/7/n is, indeed, a Pearl ;
Did ever Man fee fuch a Girl .'
Oh, what a lovely Face is there !
What crifped Locks of amber Hair !
What a white Neck ! what Breajls ! what Shoulders ?
jBelly and Back to catch Beholders !
Wh&t
264 Burlefque upon Burlefque \ Oi\
What Hips ! what Ranches ! what rare Thighs !
Enough to make the Dead to rife !
To which, in Lo-ve I'm not fo fimple.
But to obferve fhe has a Ditnpk^
And fuch a one, as who would not
Put all the Flejh into the Pot ?
In fine [as good Sir Martin y^/)
I have not VVit enough to praife
The fev'ral Beauties and the Graces
Adorn them all in all their Places ;
The Sight whereof 's a Happinefs
Too great for Tongue or Pen t'exprefs.
Nay, any one cf them would be
Tco much for mortal Eye to fee.
Yet, fince the mighty Jupiter
Has my poor Judgm.ent priz'd fo far.
As fimple Me a Judge to make,
That in my Choice I mayn't miftake.
And thrufl:, like over-greedy Sot,
IViy Spoon into th' wrong Porridge-pot,
Better to manifeft my Art,
ril ftudy every one apart,
And \icw 'em one by one at Leifure,
(Which alfo will prolong my Pleafure.)
For, in beholding them in Mujler,
They do confound me fo with Luftre,
I fhall my Reputation lofe,
And ne'er know rightly how to chufe.
Ven, Content ; my Caufe I nothing doubt.
And Hare till both thy Eyes ftartout.
Par. Why then, let Madam Juno Hay ;
She's the beft Woman (ly my fay)
And
}
}
ne Scoffer feoff' d. 265
And, whilft her Beauties I admire,
I'll have the other Two retire.
yun. Come on (Sir Paris J now furvey me.
And turn me round as thou woudil ha' me,
I'll iland or lie as thou doft pray me.
And jnoppe too, if thou'It not betray me.
Eut when thou round about hafley'd me.
High, low, between, and ev'ry Side me,
(Young P^rii) I would thee advlfe.
In loving and in courteous wife.
To think that thy Preferment lies
In thy awarding me the Prize :
And tho' I need not bribe nor (nc
For that I krtow to be my Due,
Yet, if thou'It favour me this Day,
I'll make thee King o^ Jf,a.
Par. Troth, I am not ambitious, Madam \
And as for Kingdoms., if I had 'em,
To King-it paffes my poor Skill,
And I fiiould be a Shepherd ftill.
Eut this the fliort is, and the long,
I'll do your Majcfcy no wrong :
And now I've feen what I defirc.
Be plcas'd, I pray you, to retire.
And fend my Lady Pallas hither,
For I can't deal with two together.
Pal. Here (thou bell Judge of befl Deferts)
Contemplate on Miiur'va\ Parts :
I hope, or thou deferveft Whipping,
Thou wilt give me the Golden Pippin :
Which if thou doft {Tenth, mark me well)
I'll render thee invincible :
M And
2 66 Burlej\ue upon Biirlepiue \ Or^
And whether thou with.doubty K?;i(rJh/,
Arin'd, or unarm'd, fhalt enter Fight ;
Nay, with a Giant, or an Eittn,
Thou ever fhalt be fure to beat him*
Par. Lady, I never did delight in
This fcurvy dang'rcus Thing call'd Fighting ;
And therefore fhall r.ot be a Dealer
In the Commodity call'd ^^alour.
Eefides, my Father's Kingdoms are
(^ict (Thanks be to Jove J from War ;
J with a 7"<2}'Ar play'd, indeed,
At Cue'gel, but he broke my Heal j
And had fuch fcurvy Luck in Battle,
1 ratlier had Ly half tend Cat le;
l;ut, iho' Fm hut a Country-Peafant,
Fll not be brih'd with Gift nor Prefent ;
And yet I can't but thank you Itill
(Fine Madam) for y,pur great good Willy
Which I fo kindly take, I fwear,
Mv Equity you need not fear;
For Fll do Juftice, right or wrong.
And there's an End of an old Song.
But to adviic you F"ll be bold,
Pi ay d'on your Cloaths, lear taking Cold,
A/:dycur Steel Cap will do no harm.
To keep jv:«r learned Head-piece warm ;
And pray, as hence you do go fro' me.
Send Madam Venus hither to me.
Fenus. Here's Fenus, that you call for fo;
Survey me now from Top to Toe :
And if thou find'ii, when thou hall view'd mc.
Any one Wrinkle mere than fhould be.
Or
The Scoffer fccffd. 267
Of if my Bam have any Flaws in't,
ril gi-ve thcs Leave to. put thy No/e in't.
I'll tell thee without Fraud or Guile.
I havL', and for no little while,
(Having la'cn Note of thy Dcfcrt,
And what a pretty Fellow th'art.
Thy Youth, thy Feature, Shape, and Fuiliion)
Had on ihee very great Compallion,
To iee t!:ee tending rotten Fio.ks,
Aniongfl: thefe folitary R'jcksy
Great Citicst nor yljjcmblus heeding.
Where young Men ufe to get their Breeding:
liut waiting \\ziQ. thy Time in Cawmsy
Which would be better fpent in Ta-verns.
What's to be learnt air.ongll thefe Gnovesy
By Hill con\ erling with thy Draws,
1 prithee, fay, and do not lye,
l^ut Ignorance and C/ozvnerj ?
What I'kafure's in thib Rural Life ?
Tib Time that thou liadll got a U ife.
Or, which is better, w fine Mij's,
'^Gr.irAW^cDarj'e Sun-hurr.tTritil, I wii ; ]
But of fani'u Ayyot fomc rare Piece, I
Of Cor i mil, -or fonie 'Fuwn in. Greece, \
Such ai the ^partun IhUn is,
Her Sex'a Pi ide and Mailer-piece,
As Ilandfome Paris is of his.
And who (I kno-.v it) is> a- free.
Buxom, and amorous as He.
And if the liitk- wanton Tit
But faw thee ciice, I'm fare of i'<,
She would ho\.h. Home and Hnjl^trui quit,
i follow thee for dainty B^r ;
M I She
268 Burlefqiie upon Burlefque \ Or^
She would both loue and long fo fore j
Didft never hear of her before ?
Par. No, ne'er a Syllable (Ivowj)
Eut very fain would hear It now.
Feyi. Why, fhe is Daughter to that * Fair, * L'^da'
For whom cur am''roiis 'Jupiter
Transformed himfclf into a Snuan
Tier Maidetihead for to trapan.
Par. And is fhe fo, wonderfully fair?
Ven. Why, what a Co:in}ry-^eJlion% there J
JIow ihould fhe, canfl thou think, be other ^
Having a Swan unto her Met her ?
Nor is fhe grofs you may fuppofe,
ll'hcm dJi E(i-c--jhell did cn:e cncUj'e.
Hadil fcen her once v/reftle a Prize,
K?ked, as 'tis her Country-guife,
I dare moil confidently fwear,
Thou'dft long to try a Fall with her,
Already they're at War about her ;
For Thejhis, like a boift'rous Suiter,
To fpirit her away made bold.
When fhe was but poor ten Years old,
A Wmsfiwtty Chitterling ;
]jut now file's quite ano.her Thing.
A Miracle, I do protcft,
Her Beauty with her Age's increas'd,
That flic is now the ci:!y Mifs
Of all \\it fpruce young Maids of Greece.
A thoufand Suiters all have fought her ;
Eut Metidaiis now has jrot her :
Yet, for all that, fhew me but Favour,
And fay the Word, and thou fhalt have her.
Par,
^he Scoffer feoff' d. 26^
Par. How can I have her (that's a JcA !)
When fhe is married, thou fay'ft ?
fen. Js that a Thing to be fo wonder 'd ?
*Tis the leafl; Matter of a Hundred ;
For that, Man, never fcratch thy Pate,
I can do greater Feats than that.
In the mean time (Sir) by your Leave,
You're a mere Novice, I perceive.
Par. But which way you intend to.go
About it (Madam) I would know ?
Vcn. Why tlie Defign of it is this.
Thou fhah go travel into Greece.
Wherein thy main Pretence fhall be
Only fcr Curiofity,
To fee wh. >. thou haft heard the Fame on.
And when thoucom'ft to Lacedamon^
E'rc thou'rt well got into thy/«^,
I'm certain that the lovely ^leen
Will forthwith make her Hen-pecked Zpou/e
Send to invite thee to his Houfe^
Which is as fair as fair can be ;
And for the reft, lea-ve that to me.
Par. Why, I will try my Luck, in Coddle ;
But it won't fink into my Noddle,
That fuch an admirable Piece,
The very Flow'r and Pride of Greece,
And a great Queen, as that you mean.
Should be fo impudent a i^ean,
To leave her Ccuntry, and her Ikuej,
To whom fhe's join'd in Matnmcny,
And run away with fuch a one
As I, a Stranger and unknown.
M 3 ren.
270 Burk fine upon Burlefque ; Or^
Fen. Why, I confefs it fcraething odd i=.,
But there's the Power of the Goddefs ;
And that's a Trick that I defie
Beil on 'em r.ll to do but I.
Now, I two Sons have, ycu muft kno'uj,
V/hich thefe mirac'lous Pleats can do ;
Of which the one by Art is able
'To make a Party amiable ;
And t'other has the Pcw'r to move
Who fee that Lovelinefs to love.
In order then to this Defign,
I mean to place thefe Brats of mine,
Who are t'efFcft this Enterprize,
One of them C Paris) in thine Eye?,
And t' other I'll convey by Art
into fair Hilrn's tender Heart :
Which being order'd (by my troth)
The Devil muft be in ycu both.
If what remains do want Fulfilling,
When both of you arc made To v.illir.g.
But yet, on furer Grounds to go,
fFor one (cnt he too fure, you kr.ovj)
PlI give thee ii.vo Strings to thy Boxc,
And thou fhall have v/ith thee the Graces,
(Three very pretty little Laffes,
Who can do much in fuch-like Cafes)
In thy Adventure to attend thee,
Vv^hofe Serviced will much befriend thee ;
For they, to grace thee not dcfpifmg,
Shall daily wait upon thy Rifing,
(And never ji/ian C^i^valiers
Could boall they had fuch Chamhricrs)
\
Where
Tk Scoffer fee fd. 271
VVhers drcfling thee each Day, the whiles
One tricks thy Face in winning Smiles,
W ith greater Power to accoft her ;
T'oihers in iuch a fwimming Pollure
Thy Arms and Hands, thy Lc^s and Feet,
In fuch a graceful Mica fhall fct,
As (hall, ifAW/ have any Senfe,
So tickle her Concupijcence, . '._,^
That !he will lun the whole World over
With fuch arareaccomplilh'd Ljvct.
Par. Thefe are fine Prom;fes, indeed.
And tho' Jov>: knows how I Hiall fpced,
Yet I'm fo ravifli'd with this Geer,
That I al.eady burn to (tQ.'r ;
And you have (McuiamJ fet m'AmLiuoa
So hot upon this Expedition,
That, e're a Man can fay, what's thi?,
Methinks I'm travelling to Greece,
And come to Sparta fafc as may be.
Have feen, attack'd, and won the Lady ;
Who having with her Jcxvels lin'd me,
And being lightly whipt behind me,
None to our Journey biding privy,
Am polling her to Troy Tantivy ;
•All which decs in my Mind fo run,
" That I am mad it is not done.
Ven. Soft ! do not fpur too fall, you Dapple,
Till firft y'ave given me the Jpple.
There lies my Service's Rewarding ;
That I muft have, or elfe no Bargain.
Then give it me, I prithee, do ;
Come, come, thou know'ft it is my Due ;
M 4 I elk
272 Burlefque upon Burkfque ; Or,
I eife fhal] either fret and fume, or
So mufty be and out of Humour,
That the Event is to be doubted,
I'll ne'er go chearfully about it ;
And then, be fare, no good can come,
For one muft never go Hum-dru)n
About fo nice a Work as this is ;
But it is Mettle carries Mlja :
And therefore, v/ithout more Pro traiflion.
Give me the little Satiifadtlon ;
And (Paris) when thou com'ft to Bedding,
Oh, hov/ I'll trip it at thy Wedding !
Par. Nay, you're a Jigger, we ail know ;
But if you fliould deceive me now !
Ven. Who, I deceive thee ! Never fear me ;.
But, if thou art, difiruflful, fwear me !
Par. No, that Security's ico ccmmon,
Befides, Oaths never bind a Woman :
But (Madam) if you can afford
Once more to pro7nife on your Word,
That I ihall have this bonny Nelly,
More of my Mind I then ihall tell ye.
Fen. Why then. Know all Men by thefe Prefents,
Tiiat, fpite oi Princes, Courtiers, PeafantSy
And all both Man and Woman-kind,
I here m.yfelf moil firmly bind
To give thee Helen, Pride of Greece,
To be thine own Ly7idabrides ;
That I will pay down Sparta's Spou/e
In the now very Dwelling-houfe
Of Seignior Priam King of Trey ;
And then (Sir Paris) give you Joy,
Nav,
7 he Scoffer Jcofd. 273
Nay, I do bind rayfelf, befide,
To be in Perfon mine ihy Guide,
And will (fince thy Wit won't fuffice)
Carry on the whole Enterpr'ze.
Par. You my Requeft are gone beyond,
I (Madam) did demand no Bond.
And will you bring your Cupids too
(My louely Dame) along with you ?
Vcn. Pifh ! never doubt it, Tylan, I'll do't,
Defire and Hymen too to boot.
Par. Then call the others in that went hence;^
That I may now proceed to Sentence.
Fair Goddeflcs, I pray, draw near.
Jupiter has employ'd me here
In fuch a very nice Affair,
So much indeed againft the Hair,
I'hat, had his Majef.y thought fit
To have exempted me from it, ■.
I would-have giv'n (or I'm a knave)
A Score of the beft Enuei I have :
But, fince he's pleas'd to have it fo,
I muft pcr-force obey, you know ;
Yet, c'le I do pronounce the Sentence,
Let me, upon this fmall Acquaintance,
Entreat the Lofcrs to be civil.
And at my Hands not take it evil ;
If I like one above the rell,
I cannot help it, I prct.H.
Here is a Golden Apple here,
Which muH be thought fuch Price to bear
(Thro' Cunning o'lh' malicious * Donor) ' Th: GoJ.u/s
That none, forfooth, muil be the Gwntr, DiucrJi^.
M 5 liui
2 74 Burlefqiie upon Biirlsfci'ue •, O/'v
T ut fne who is the faireft Fair ;.
When, from my Heart, I vow and rwear,
And, without Fraud or Flatter)-,
There is m>t©ne of all you three
For whom a Eufiiti's not too few,
Hjad but your Eeacties half their Due.
Which Beauties (gentle Madiam) I
Confider'd have impartially,
And find them all fo excellent,
I'hat truly I could- be content,
Were it confiilent with my Duty,
To give to each the Prize of Beauty :
But I am ty'd, vA.en all is dene,
F'award it only unto One.
Mow, Ve?iui being in thofe Parts
Which have the greateft Pow'r o'er Hearts,
The moft exaftly ihap'd of all,
I iudee to her the Golden Ball.
Juno. Learnedly fpoke ! I had not car'd,
If Pallas here had been preferr'd ;
But to bcilow it on that Trapes,
It mads me !
F alias. Hang him, Jack-an-apes.
D I A
7he Scoffer feoff' L
275
DIALOGUE.
Mars and Mercury.
Mars, rj AST heard o^th' loud Rhodcmontade
^ That t'other Day Jupiter made ?
Which was, That, if we on this Fafhion
Daily piovok'd his Indignation,
He would, if anger'd once again.
From Hea'v'n to Earth let down a Chain,
With which he up to him would hale
Mankind, the Ehments, and all.
With fuch a mighty Strength, that, tho'
We all had hold of it belew,
And puH'd to flay't, we could net do"t,
Cut he would pull us up to boot.
Of all us Deities alone
Now, I muft needs confifs, no one
Is abl near, unlefs he liil,
To grapple with his Mutton- ft*: ;
And he will lof*, whoever vies-
With him at any Exrrcife ;
But, to imagine that all we
So brave a jv;l!y Coixpany,
Join'd all together, fliould not be
Ai ftrong, nay ftron^cr far than He.
In trutii, in him I d3 conceive it
An Arrogancy to believe it,
M6
Aft<l
27^ Burlefque upon Burkfque -, Ovf
And Vanity devoid of Wit,
So openly to publifh it.
And yet for all his mighty Vaunting,
His Domineering, and his Ranting,
All of the Gods, and I and you knew.
When Neptune, Pallas, and ^.eeti June,
By Combination had trapann'd him,
And had intended to have chain'd him.
He'd much ado, tho' his Strength fuch is.
To difengage him from their Clutches :
Nor had he done it for all that,
(Tho' now he vapour can and prate)
For all his ftrivingand his flruggling.
His writhing, wriggling, and his juggling.
Nor all his Strength, which now fo great is.
Had not his old Friend, Madam Thetis j
\n time of Danger fent him there
Bri areas the Hot- cockle Play'r,
With a whole hundred Cluller-fiils,
To difengage him from the Lifts.
And, by nvy Faith, he came in Seafon
To refcue him from the Kigh-treafon j
Ox elfe, v;ith this my hufhng Bon
I know net how it would have g'one.
Merc. Prithee, hank up thy Tongue again^
And do not give: it fo much Rein ;
Thefe Words do make my Ears to tingle j
* Tis well that thou and I are fmgle ;
7 his Language is unfafe, I fvvear,
I" cr thee Co fpeak, or me to hear.
Ih
The Scoffer feoff \l 277
Mars. Doll think I have fo little Wit
To talk thus unto all I meet ?
No, Friend, I wifcr am than h,
J know well whom I fpcak it to ;
One, who not only has a Talent
In fpeaking, but in being fiknt ;
But, Ihould another chance to come,-
Of Mai'Ofs not a ff^on^, but Mum.
DIALOGUE.
Pan £ind M e r c u r y.
I
Pan. f^ 00 D Morroiv (Father ! ) hovj dojl do ?
Merc.^^ Good Morrow, Son, fince 'tmuft be fo ;
But why call'ft thou me Father, trow ?
For to behold thofe goodly Horns,
That py'd Beard, which thy Face adorns.
That fingle wagging at thy Butt,
Thofe Gambrch, aud that Clo'ven-foot,
Thou dofl much more (not to diffemble)
A He-gcat than a God refemble.
Pan. 'Tis very well ! But all this while
Thcu thine own Iflue doft revile,
And giv'ft thyfelf many foul Rubs.
Trithee, what's He that gets fuch Cubs P
For all this handfome Shape, you fee.
Came from my Father, and ihou'rt he.
Merc
.278 BurlfJ fie upon Biirle/q:t€ \ Or,
Merc. I would thou couldfl perfuade me to it ?
But thou'lt have much ado to do it I
ril make much of myf^lf, I'd need.
If but in Rev'rence to my B:eed.
But, if thy happy Sire I am,
Who, the gxQd.tDe'vi!, was thy Dam ?
Did I not meet with feme Ske-Goat
TraveRy'd in a Petticcat ?
For never fure did iFcman bear
So uncouth a prodigious Heir.
Paa. No, Father, I would have thee know't,
Thou didll not couple with a Goat ;
Th'aft not forgot yet, I dare fay,
How once in fair Arcadia
With beafily Luft, and barb'rous Pow'r,
Thou didil a pretty Maid deflow'r :
What need'ft thou bite thy Fingers Ends ?
I only fpeak it amongft Friends.
It is Penelope I mean.
Merc. I do remember fuch a ^ean,
A pretty Girl! But how could flie
Brino- out fo foul a Beaft as thee.
More like a Devil than like me ?
Fan. Nay, I'm r.s like my Dad, in footh.
As he had fpit mc ci-.t oa's Mouih,
That is, as like v/hat then thou wert.
When thou play'dft that uncivil Part;
For then, if th'ail it net forgot,
Thou turn'dfl thyfelf into a Goaty
With a Face foul as any Vizor,
In Policy for to furprize her.
Merc. Yes, I remember ; out upon it !
Eut troth, I am aQiara'd to own it.
Pan,
I'he Saftr fcojf'd. zig
Pan. Faith, for tlie Rape I cannot bhme ye,
Hut, as for me, I (hall not fliamc ye.
And few there are prefon-'d before me ;
For, befides that, they do adore me
All o'er Jrcaaia ; where p')fleit
I'm of a thoufand Flocks at leafl ;
My Qualities have purchas'd Fame,
For DoJIcr I of Mufick am ;
And more have made my Valour known
In the great Field of Marathon ;
For which good Service the Athenians
Have given me a fine Convenience,
Wherein to fit, cat, drink, or fnort,
A Grotto underneath their Fort,
Where thou (halt fee, if thou com'fi; thither,
How highly I am honour'd (Father.)
Merc. What, art thou marry'd ?
Pan. No, not yet;
I hitherto have had more Wit.
Merc. I wonder at it not, in truth ;
For who'd have fuch a fweet-fac'd Youth ?
Pan. Pilh ! had I nothing elfe to do,
(Father) I could have Wives enow.
And therefore that's a vain Objeftion :
But I've fo ara'rous a Complexion,
And do with Love fo fcald and burn.
One Wife would never ferve my Turn.
Merc. Thou bugger'll; then the Goats, I doubt.
Pan. Good Words !' no, I'm not fo put to't ;
Echo and Pitys, full of Blilfes,
Are both content to be my MiJJes,
And all the '^ovilol Bacchanals
Come with a Powder, when Pan calls ;
By
2"uO Burkfque upon Burlefque ; Or,
By which (Good Father) you may know,
I better fpend my Time than fo.
Merc. Believ't, they're wond'rous kind to thee,
And 'tis no Wonder tho' they be,
Th'afl fuch a charming Vhys'nomy.
But I have a Requell unto thee.
Will do me good, and no harm do thee.
It is fo fmall ; which is, that feeing
I v/as fo blefs'd to give thee Being,
Thou, in return, wilt be fo civil
As not to pay my good with evil,
But, wherefoe'er we chance lomeet
Jn Houfe or Field, or in the Street,
So oft as we fhall come together.
Thou do forbear to call me Father ;
For, not to mince the Verity,
I'm damnably afham'd of thee :
But for this once fhake Hands and part.
And fo farewel with all my Heart.
D I ^-
The Scoffer feoff d. 2S1
DIALOGUE.
Apollo and Bacchus.
^p. \\1 H O M think that fuch a yack-an-apes as
* * Cupid, the mighty-tool'd Priapus,
And Artiirogittus, of all others,
Should all of tlie fame Womb be Brothers,
Beln? fo much alike in Feature,
In Humour, and in Shape, and Statuxe ?
For one's a little Goddikin,
No bigger than a Skitth-pin\
Yet, little as he is, can fcare us
If once he takes-his Bow and Arrows j
And, of the other two, the latter
Can make nor Man's nor Maiden's Water ;
The t'other fomewhere is more tall
By Handfuls than the beft on's all.
Bacchus. Why thii Diverfity each gathers
From the Variety of Fathers ;
Tho' ev'ry Day indeed prefents
As great and ftrange a Difference,
Ev'n among thofe who had no ether
But the fame Father and the fame Mother.
Apol. Yet 'tis quite otherwife, you fee,
Betwixt my Siller Die and me.
Who the fame Virtues have and Vices,
And follow the fame Exercifes.
Bac.
2 ? 2 Burlefque upcn Burlefqtie ; Cr,
Bac. But the mad Hag in Petticoats
In Scyihia'b bufy, cutting Throats,
"VVhihl thou doft Men of Money fleece -j
With giving Phyf.ck here in Greece j >
And pray, what Sympathy's in this ? J
Jpcl. Why, B^uchus, doft thou think that fh«
Takes a Delight in Cruelty,
In hearing Blood in Throats to rottle.
Like Liquor from a ftreight-mouth'd Bottle ?
Alas ! fee only does it, ihe.
Merely ont of Complacency,
To accommodate herfelf to th' Fafhion,
And Humour of that barb'rous Nation ;
At which fhe takes fo great Offence,
That file but waits to fteal from, thence.
When any Grecian Ship comes thither.
To take her in, and bring her hither.
Bac. W'hy, truly, then I do commend her,
And a good Gale of Wind Jove fend her.
In the mean time, I needs mufl tell you,
Prlapus is a beaftly Fellow :
For (no one being by but us)
Calling at's Houfe at Lampfacus,
After we'd eaten well, and much,
And quafPd it fmartly upJy-Dutch, '
It being pretty coldiih Weather,
He needs mnil: have us lie together ;
And fo we did, when in the Night,
W^hen leaft (I fwear) I dreamt of it,
Betwixt feme twelve and one a Clock,
He tilts his Tantrum at my Nock,
Till, with Extremity of Pain,
He plainly made me roar again.
■ -' • ' JlpoL
r he Scoffer fcofd. 2S3
Apol. A very edifyin^r Story !
And what did you, wliilll he did bore you ?
Bac. What fhould I do, but make the bcft on't ?
I only laugh'd and made a Jell on't ?
Jpol. Some would, perhaps, have kept a Pother ;
But thou, Itliink, could'll do no other.
Cut put on Patience, and lie ftill ;
Alas ! he did it in good Will,
And it had been Ill-nature in thee,
When he good Meat and Drin!: had giv'n thcc.
For to grudge him, who fed ihte grctis.
So fniall a Courtefy as that is.
Befides, he great Temptations had.
For thou'rta pretty Smock-fac'd Lad.
Bac. Butyet o'th' Two (my Friend ///c//o)
Thou art by much the pretty'r Fellow,
And therefore, if he once make Suit t'ye
To lie in's Houfe, faith, look about ye.
ApoL Well, well ! but he were beft take heed
Kow he attacks my Mc.idetiheo.d :
His mighty Trapftick cannot fcare us,
For we have good Yew-bow and Arrows,
As well as a white V/ig to tempt him ;
And, if he diaw, he will repent him.
Befides, I'm fo fet round witli Light,
And am withal fo quick of Sight,
That much I do not need to fear
To be furprized in my Rear.
D I A-
284 Eurlefqtie ufon Burlefiue ', Or^
DIALOGUE.
Mercury and his Mother M aya.
;me other,
(good Mother ',)
Merc. 15 Eftow your Counfel on feme other,
'Tis I,ubour loft on me
For, e're I'll lead the Life I do,
And be this Drudge, I tell you true.
And fo ril tell old Father Lajher,
I am refolv'd ev'n to turn Tbrafaer.
S'Fifli ! I'm a Slave, a Pack-Horfe made:
Would I'd been ^Prentice to a Trade,
Or bred up with fome honeft Farmer^
Who would have clad me perhaps warmer.
The' not fo fine, and giv'n me reft,
And not have work'd me like a Beaft,
A God, quotha ! No Deity
V/as ever, fure, fo us'd as I :
But, e're this Life I'll longer lead,
I'll yiro /I for Louver, or beg my Bread,
And run, nay, fly, let who will hear me.
Far as my Legs or Wings will bear me.
Maya. Nay, prithee Son, govern thy Paffion,
And do not talk of this wild Falhion.
Merc. Why fhould I not fpeak cut (forfooth)
So long as I fpeak nought but Truth >
Tut ! tut ! I fcorn to mince the Matter;
I was not bred to lye and flatter:
And,
The Scoffer fee fd, 28
And, being thus abus'd, miift fpeak.
And eafc my Heart, or it will break.
I fpeak no I'rcafon. Have I not
Very good Reafon to find fault,
When Jupiter does force on me
More Work, more Toil, and Drudgery,
(Which, Mother, cannot be deny'd)
Than upon all the Gods befide ?
Firft, I by Spring of Day muft come
To waih and rub the Dining-room,
(Which does not always fmell oi Jmber)
Next, I muft clean the Council-Chamber y
And duft the Wool packs : After that
J nr.uH go drefs the Rooms ofSsafe,
Eruih Cufhions, Chairs, and Fcot-cloths too,
(Which takes up no fmall Time to do.)
Nay, all this yet will not fuffice !
Tut I mull fweep the Galleries,
7'ho' others are more fit to do't.
The Lobbies and Back-Jiairs to boot :
Then, having fwcpt my i'ace of Fat,
rowder'd, and put a clean Cravat,
I muft i'th' Anti-Chamber wait
Jupiter'% Rifing, to receive
Such Orders as he's pleas'd to give,
(Which ever num'rous are, no doubt)
And then muft carry them about.
Work that requires a fupple Ham.
Then Steivard I o'th Houjhold am.
Yes, and Cup-bearer too, atleaft.
As often as he makes a Feaft,
And had that Office ev'ry Day,
Till Ganymede camc inW Play.
\
^ut
286 Burlefque upon Burlefi'de \ Or,
But all this Work is nothinp- ver.
And I could well away with it :
And that, by which I am opprefs'd.
Is, that at Night, when all's releas'd.
And every one goes to his Reft,
No one but me employ he can
To convoy a great Cara-van
Ofpale-fac'd dead Folks unto He/J ;
Comp?.ny that i'th' Night might well
The uouteft God in Hca'v^n daunt ;
Where alfo, before Rhadamant
\ mull indift and profecute 'em,
AVhich, c're by Law we can confute 'em.
Repeating every little Crime,
J>ot.s take up fuch a World of Time,
The Day is ready for to peep in j
And then what Time have I to/leep in *
And yet all this, this Jupiter,
Whom 1 have fcrv'd fo many Year,
Wherein he's had good Service on me,
The Confcience has t'impofe upon me.
As not enough employ'd I were,
Jij being Serjeant., Orator,
Czip-hearer, Wrefiler, and -ivhat 7iot,
But I mull; on thofe Errands trot.
To be deprived of the Reft
Mortals allow to every Beaft.
Cajior and Pollux, each one knows.
By turns are fuffer'd to repofe ;
But I am toft like Taitfis-Ball,
And am allow'd no Reft at all.
But am difpatch'd both Morn and Ev'n
From lieav'n to Earthy from Earth to Hea'v'fi ;
Whilft
Jhe Scoffer fccff'd. 2S7
Whilil Bacchus hero, and Hercules,
Who arc no Sons of GodJiil^l-s,
As I am, but more meanly born,
Of wretched Mortals, and fojlorn,
At great Jox-^'s Board in FcaR and Play
Merrily pafs the Time away.
I need had of a Korfe to ride on :
For I'm but jull now come from 5;</o«,
Where I have with Eurcpa been ;
But lam fent away agen
To Jrgos with another Hotx-d'^yey -x
To Banac, z wretched Do-ivc^y, C
When 1 am almoft fpent, I vow t'ye ; 3
K.iy, mere than that, I mud, they fay, ■>
M.ike too Birctic. in my Way, C
To vifit there An'.kpn. j
But flatly I've rcfui'd to do It ;
For (Mcthcr) PU not melt my Suet
For no good Words that can be given,
Nor ne'er a Jupiter in Heaven.
And tho' ('tis true, he keeps me brave,
On's Service I fuch Comfort have,
1 fometimes would be fold a Slave,
And run the Rifque of all Dilaller,
Fall v/h;it fall can, to change my Mailer.
• Maja. Come, prithee, moderate thy Paflion,
Thefe are but Words of Indignation.
I'll have no Talk of Parting neither :
V/hat ! what ! you mud obey your Father,
And never think he does you wrong ;
You mull take Pains too, whilil you're young.
Ard
I
\
288 Barkfque upon Burlefquc', Or^
And do whate'er he bids you do.
And fear not, you'll have Sons enow.
When you are old, to work for you.
I prithee, then, no longer ftand,
But so and execute's Command,
I know, he's choleric, if thwarted.
And to be apt to be tranfported.
Lo've too is fuch an odd Difeafe,
That Lovers are moll: hard to pleafe ;
Will always have their own fond Ways,
And are impatient of Delays.
ofjc C^o5oc$ocgo0j5oogcc^o5ce^cc^c^oi5o>joo5oo5oc^c^ cjb
DIALOGUE.
Jupiter and So l.
"Jitp. TTI 7HY, thou unlucky fenfelefs Fool,
^^ Thou Dunce, thou Loggerhead, thou Owl !
Th'aft made fine Work here, liaft thou not ?
To go and truft thy Chariot
V/ith u yonng giddy hair-brain'd Sot,
Who, unto thy eternal Shame,
One half o'th' World hath fit on flame ;
And (which, to think on'r, makes me fhudder)
So hard has frozen up the other,
That, ifl had not knock'd him down.
With a good Rap upon his Crown,
And turn'd him topfy-turvy under
With a good rattling Clap of Thunder, At
The Scoffer feoff" d. 28^
At the mad rate that he was drivino-.
He had dellroy'd all Creatures living.
And all Mankind, had he on ported.
Had either frozen been, or roalled ;
And then you'd made (I hope you'll grant)
A pretty piece of Bub'nefs on't,
Sol. Oh Jupiter, I guilty am.
Yea, inexcufably to blame.
And, without Mercy, am undone.
For my Indulgence to a Son,
I could not for my Heart deny ;
And then to fee a * Miftrefs cry, * ChmetU.
And Tears run trickling down her Face,
Would e'en have mov'd a Heart of Brafi.
*Twas that that did my Reafon charm.
But (as I'm here) I thought no Harm.
Jup. No Harm^ How dar'ft thou tell mc fo !
Didft not thy Horfes Fury know ?
What haft thou been my Charioteer
So many hundred thoufand Year ;
Y^t, that thou know'' J} Hot y now canft r\v»ar»
What fiery headftrong JaJcs they were ?
Yes (Sirrah) you knew well enough
How hard to rule they were, and rough.
And that they would do more than trot.
If Bridle once in leeth they got ;
And that if once they got a Foot,
Much more a Wheel, out of the Rvt,
All would be loft. You knew all thii.
And yet for your lyndalrides.
To humour her (forfooth) you mufl
Like a Jamn'd Ro^ue betray your Trvft,
N Endarget
I
2^o Burlefque Upon Burlcfq^ue \ Or^
Endanger all the World, and fet
A No-vice in that dang'rous Seat,
Who to drive Tops was fitter farj
Than guide the Day's triumpliant Carr.
Sol. I muft cohfefs, (as your Grace fays)
I knew the Jades were Run-a^vays,
And therefore did the wilful J/s
With my own Hands i'th' Coach-box place j
Taught him the Reins to draw and flip,
And ftiew'd him how to hold his Whip ;
Taught him the right Poppy/ma too.
Which both the Hor/es full well knew.
And, my own Hold before I quitted.
No one Inftruftion I omitted,
That I conceiv'd was neceflary.
Afiur'd then he coulu not mifcarry,
I left him to himfelf, and bid him,
Touchez, tnonsfJs, and fo good /peed hitit.
He crack'd his Whip o'er the mad Cattle^
The Chariot-\\'\\ee.h began to rattle,
And thro' the Eajiern-gate they run :
Eut my fool-hardy aukward Son,
So ill (--vjoe ivorih the Time I got hitn ! )
Rctain'd the LcJJhns I had taught him.
That he had fcarce, it fhould appear,
A Furlong got in his Career,
When th' Stallions with the flaming Main,
Finding, by Slacknefs of the Reins,
They'd got another Charioteer,
Away they ftraln'd in wild Career,
And left the Road wh-ich. they had kept,"]
Altho' the Wind they had out-Itript
In
The Scoffer fiofdr 491'
In Speed ; yet, running the right Way,
'Twould hut have made a fliorter Day :
But the rafli Boy, amnz'd, with Light,
And dizzy at the fearful Sight
Of the Jiv/s he faw below him,
Koth ivbipp'd, and Reim he ftraight caft fro' him,
And by .the Coach-box held him fall,
Till thou in Wrath gav'IT: him his laft.
So, for his temerarious Aftion,
My Bey has paid full Satibfadion,
And in his Lofs, ] think that T,
Too, punifli'd am fufficjently.
^up. He, I confefs, has had his Payment ;
But tliou, who wert the moft to blame in't,
Deferv'rt, at leait, to be ftrappado'd,
Tsay, flea'd alive and carbinado'd :
But I incline to Mercy rather.
And pardon an indulgent Father,
0.1 this Condition (ne'erthelcfs)
Thou never fo again tranfgrefs ;
For if thou doft (thou Rafcal thou)
I'll make thee both to feel and know.
That this {■imiThunder, which I handle.
Is hotter than your Farthing-CnnAle.
In the mean time, this I'll do for ye,
Becaufe I fee thou art fo forry,
I will that Pha'tx,u\ Sifters go
I Jnterr him on the Banks of Po^
Juft where he fell, and, for their Guerdon>
I'll do a Thing was never heard on ;
Transform 'em into Poplars all,
From whom a certain Qum ihall fall,
N2 ' T«
292 Burkfiue Upon Bkrlej\ue -y 0}'^
To imitate the Tears they fned
Over the hare-brain'd Logger-head.
As to the reft, it fits thy Care
Thy broken Waggon to repair.
Which will require, rightly to doit,
A Carpenter and Wheelright to it .:
Por, £rft, X\\^Carriage'\s broken,
And one o'th' Wheels has but one Spoke on ;
The Harne/s too fo much amifs is,
'Tis torn in twenty thouiand Pieces,
But, as to that, 1 (to befriend thee)
A ipeciai Cchlcr flraigh: will fend thee :
And, when th'aft got thy Taekle mended.
Begin anew where thy Son ended.
But now they've learnt a refty Trick,
The J^dej, no doubt, will frifk and kick.
As they were new again, to break.
And may endanger too thy Neck ;
I promife ye, I mainly doubt ye.
And therefore (SinaJ}) look about y«.
D I A.
ne Scoffer fcoff'l 29S
DIALOG U E.
Apollo and M e R c u r. : =
re-
Afol I 'M fo confounded with thi-- Pair,
* This Cajlor^ and this Pdlux h«-'
This Brace of Cygnets, rluit one Eroihiv
I'm llill inilUking for the other ;
Which puts mc out of Coui:t'nancc ib,
I know not what to fay cr do.
For they're fo like, that when I meet 'em,
And with Refpcft would kindly greet 'em.
Servant, Don Cajior, flraight cry I ;
I'm Pollux, cries he by and by.
Then prefently myfelf J flatter,
The next time fure to mend the Matter j
When meeting one of 'em alone.
What, MoTjJicur Pollux? and go on,
Pm proud to be your Str^jant knctvu ;
And then 'tis Caftory ten to one.
Now, tho' herein there ever is
As much to hit, as there's to mifs f
Yet o'th' wrong Name I always light,
Aad. never yet was in tlie right.
}
N J rr
294 Burkfque upD7i Burkfque j Or,
If thou canft give me then fome Mark
Particular fo either Spar,{y
That I may one from t'cthcr know,
I prithee (honefl Men-'ry) do.
Mt-rc'. AVhy, that you Yeflerday embraced here,
Yv'hen we tO|rcther were, was Cajlor.
Apcl. But how can'll knovv him from his Brotberf
When they're io Hke to one another?
Merc. Why, PcUux is fo giv'n to Huinngj
Hii F<ce ftill black and blue with CufHng j
UtA, to be more particular,
Kis left Cheek wears a noted Sc;ir
Of a good V/hirret Bebrix gave him,
Wiiich over-board, no doubt, had drave him.
Hid not Friend J-i/fj.- ftepp'd to fave him ;
"Which Recufr.bindibiis he got,
By beiug of an Argonaut,
When "J a/on failed into Greea
To iieal away the Gel Jen Fleece.
Jpcl. Gramercy, faith, I'll fwear a Book on,
Thouiiafl cblig'd me by this Token:
l^cr which was f.'hich I ne'er could lell j
Eut feeing each with his half Shell,
His white Horfe, Jav'lin, and his Star,
To me the fame they always were ;
And I, rthen I would feem well bred,
Did flill confound 'em, as I faid :
But fince I'm fo beholden to thee,
Refolve me one Thing more, I prithee ;
And tell me why thefe Brothers never
Are to be feen in Hea,v'ft together I
Merc.
The Scoff <n- ffoff'd. 295
i\I(rc. Why, you muft know, that Jupitery.
Upon the Hatching of this Pair,
Theic Twins of Laila fair, decreed,
(I think for to prcfervc the Breed)
That one the Deftinies Ihould curtal,
But th' other be ordain'd immortal :
Which known to them, as well as others.
They, like two very loving Brothers,
By an Afteftion very rare.
The good and ill alike would fhare :
Thus, when one dies, the other mourns,
And fo they live and die by turns.
Jpcl. 'TJs Sign of very good CouJiiion,
But 'tis a Friend ihip/fl'// Fruition ;
For in this manner neither Brother
Can ever fee or fpeak to t'other.
But of what Calling are thefc BlaJa ?
For we have all of Ui our Trades :
I am a Prcfhet and Mit/Uian,
My * Son's a fpeci.il good Phyjicinn,, '* jE/nJa-
My Sifter plays the Mufiv/fd's Part, piuu
And tiiou a famous IVreJller art.
Are thefe two good for nought, doft think,
But only for to eat and drink ?
Merc. O yes, I promife ye, their Stars
Propitious are to Man'/iers, r
And lave 'em oft, when, to one's Thinking,
They even arc as good as finking.
N 4 4j^el.
2()6 Burlefque upon Burlefque^ &c,
JprJ. A charitable good Vocation,
I wifh them nigh when I've Occafion.
Good Seamen, fay'ft thou (Merely J marry,
A Calling very necefiary.
And will (no doubt) when Men are Sea-Jtch%
Do 'en> more good by hsif than Fhyjitk.
Tk E N a
E P J
C 2'97 )
E P I L O G U E.
- y/A'-O m~v (my Mnjlcrs) reft you merry ^
■^^ I doubt both you and I are ivearyy
Blfe I ftjould 'very much admire %
Such Trumpery a Dog ivould tire.
Tet, in the prtcious Age <we live in,.
Moft People are fo le'wdly.gi'uen,
Coar/e hempen T'rajh is fooner ready
Than Poems of a finer Thread',
Which made our Author twifely chuft
To dizcn up his dirty Mu/e
In fuch an odd fantaftick Weed,
As e-v^ry one, he ine-iv, icould read..
Yet is he <ivife enough to ino-iu
His Mu/e, hoxve-ver, fi7igs too lonv,
(Tho" ivarbling in the ne-zveft Fa/hion)*
To ix;ork a Work of Reformation,
Andfo iKirit this (to tell you true)
Topleafe Himfclf m nj:cll as You*.
2 'et if (bey 07: J his Expectation)
Thisjhallbe grac'd nvith Accept atien^.
Like others much of the fame Fajhion,
Whiih all have had your Approbation ;;
Tfitc
298 E P r L O G U E..
^he Rhymtr vjitl fo kivdiy take ;/,
That he his Bus^nefs then imll make it
Ido ?nore thus faucily to feoff jf.
But fcmething bring more ^worthy ofy>.
In the mean time, he bids me fay ^
Jfyou^ll not hifs this Pu.ppet-play',
He'll do Kvhat nee'r nuas done by * any^,
And rai/e the f Dead /i) entertain ye.
* Poet, he mean^.
t Ludan'i Dialogues of the Dead*.
THE
( 299 )
i5=t^^*Jv'5'^^*
THE
WONDERS
OF THE
P E A K E.
"jTVURST I expoftulate with Pro'vidence,
-*-^ I then fliould afk. Wherein the Innocence
Of my yoor undefigning Infancy
Could Hta-j^n oiFend to fuch a black Degree,,
As, for th'Oftence, to damn me to a Place-
Where Nature only fuffers in Difgrace ?
A Country fo deform'd, the Traveller
Would fwear thofe Parts iV^<3/;(!rf's Pudenda were :
Like Warts and Wens, Hills on the one '^ fide fwdli
To all but Nati-jes inacceflible ;
t T'other a blue fcrophulous Scum defiles.
Flowing from th' Earth's impofthumated Biles ;
That feems the Steps (Mountains on Mountains thrown))
Ey which the GIJNTS ftorm'd the T'y^a.WV^r's.TJtrone.
* ThePc'ake..
■\ Thi Moorlands*
:.-J-
300 ^Pje WoNDEp »
This from that ProfpeSl Teems \}^t fidpy reus Flood y
Where fmful Sodom and Gomorrah flood.
'Twi'xt thefe twin- Pro'vt'nces of Britain's Shame,.
The Silver Do've (how pleafant is that Name !)
Run? thro' a Fa/e high-crefted Clijs o'erfhade,
(By her fair Progrefs only pleafaat made :)
But with fo fwcet a I'orrent in her Courfe,.
As fhevvs, the Nymph flies from her native Source,-
To feek, ivhat there's der.y'd, the Siui's vjarm Beams.,
And to embrace Trenth prouder fwelling Streams,.
In this fo craggy, ill-contriv'd a Kook
Of this our little World, this pretty Brook^
Alas, 'tis all the Recompence I fhare.
For all th' Intemperances of the Air^
perpetual Wi»ter, endlefs Solitude,
Or the Society of Men fo rude.
That it is ten times worfe. Thy Murmurs (* Dcve'Y,
Or Humour of Lovers ; or Men fall in love
With thy bright Beauties ;, and thy fair blue Eyes
Wound like a Parihian, whilll the Shooter flies.
Of all fair Thetis' Daughters, none fo bright,.
So pleafant none to tafte, none to the Sight,
None yields the gentle Angler fuch Delight.
To v/hich the Bounty of her Stream is fuch.
As, only with a fwift and tranfient Touch,
T'enrichher fterile Borders as fhe glides.
And- force /ive^/; Flo-vjers from theii- ma.rblQ S^des*
North-eaji from this fair River'sHead, th.trt Wts-
■A t Ctfw«rr; that abounds with ^rtr7r/>,T ;
* The River Dove.
I- Tie Peake,
They
,1
Hi
■•^v^^
i t5^ ;f ri\ \V>vVrV,-,'^,',^'
jlifi's
rf! '
"f ^ "^K,-0>f>fh
-'^'S^ii
--j=i^
x^
\
^Zc^^u^t i?/-J?£rpj[^SHiRE ^^/{^nu^' at {^JiATSironTH ?tiar di ^^aA: DERBY shike
tec fi.-- jf i- 7'r,.->n^
./i/r'^*M.- j7j^.
5^ ^um'd^ ^^oA: BEKBYSHIRi:
./L/y''t>i,iA: J-^iU.
cf tk VEAKE, -'3pi
They call them iromiers therc^ and be they fo f
But the whole Country fure's a Wonder too.
And Mother of the reft, which Seven are ;
And one of them fo fingularly rare.
As does, indeed, amount to Miracle,
And all, the Kingdom boarts, fo far excel.
It ought not, I confcfs, to be Profan'd
' By my poor Mu/e ; nor fhould an Artlefs Hand
Prefume to take a Grayon up, to trace
But the faint Land/cape of (o brave a Place.
Yet, nbble WChatfiAjorth (fori fpeak of th#c)
Pardon the Love will prompt the Injury
My Pv-.: .nuft do thee, when, before I end,
I fix Difhonour, where I would Commend.
The firft of thefe I meet with in my Way,
Is a vaft Cave, which, the old People fay.
One Pool, an Out-la~M, made his Refidence ;
But why he did fo, or for what Oftence,
The Beagles of the Lanv (hould prefs fo near,.
As, fpite of Hbrror's Self, to earth him there-, '
Is in our Times a Riddle ; and, in this,
Tradition moft unkindly filent is ;
But, whatfoe'er his Crime,, than fuch a Cave,
A worfo ImprifonmeiiLhe could not have.
At a high Mbunieiins F6ot, whofc lofty CreP:
O'erlooks the Marihy Profpeft of the Jf'efi ;
Under its Bafc there is an * Overture
Which Summer- Weeds do render fo obfcure.
U The Earl of Dc\on(l\ilx' s llou/e,
* PoolV HoL
The
^02- ^he Wonders
The careiefs 7VflW/er may pafs, and ne'er '-
Difcover, or fufpedl an Entry there :
But fuch a one there is, as we might well
Think it the Crypio-Porticus of Hell,
Had we not been inftrufted, that the Gate,
Which to DeJiru8ion leads, is nothing ftraight.
Thro' a blind Door (which fome poor Woman there
Still keeps the Key of, that it may keep her)
Men, bowing low, take leave of Day's fair Light,
To crowd themfelves into the Womb of Night,
Thro' fuch a low and narrow Pafs, that it
For Badgers, Wol'ves., and Foxes feems more fit ;
Gr for the yet lefs forts of Chaces, than
T'admit the Stature, and the Bulk of Man :
Could it to Reafon any way appear.
That Men could find out any Bus'nefs there.
But having fifteen Paces crept, or more.
Thro' pointed Stones and Dirt, upon all four.
The gloomy Grotto lets Men upright rife,
Altho' they were fix times Goliahh Size.
There, looking upward, your aftcniih'd Sight
Beholds the Glory of the fparkling Light.
Th'enamell'd iJoo/darts round about the Place,
With fo fubduing, but ungrateful Rays,
As to put out the Lights, by which alone -y.
They receive Luftre, that before had none, V
And muft to Darknefs be refign'd when they are gone. J
But here a roaring Tcrrent bids you ftand,
Forcing you climb a Rock on the rigiit Hand,
tVhicix
of the PEA K E. :?oj
Which hanging, Penthoufc-likc, does over ovei look
The dreadful Channel of the rapid Brook ;
So deep, and black, the very Thought does makt
My Brains turn giddy, and my Eye-Balls ake.
Over this dang'rous Precipice you crawl,
Loft if you flip, for if you flip you fall ;
But whither, faith, 'tis no great matter, when
You're fure ne'er to be ietn alive agen.
Propp'd round with Pca/ants, on you trembling go,
Whilft, ev'ry Step you take, your Guides do fliow
In the uneven Rock the uncouth Shapes
OfMc/i, of Lions, Hor/esy Dogs, znA. Jpes :
But fo refembling each the fancy'd Shape,
The Man might be the Hor/e, the Dog the Jpe :
And ftraight juft in your way a * Stone appears,
Which the Refemblance of a Hay-cock bears.
Some four Foot high ; and, beyond that, a lefs
Of the fame Figure ; which do ftill increafe
In Height, ami Bulk, by a continual Drop,
Which upon each diftilling from the Top,
And falling ftill exaftly on the Crown,
There break themfclves to Mifts, which, trickling dowry
Cruft into Stone, and (but with Leifure) fwell
The Sides, and ftill advance the Miracle,
So that, in Time, they would be tall enough.
If there were Need, to prop the hanging Roof,
Did not fometimes the curious Vifiters,
To fteal a Treafure is ncPt juftly theirs-,
Break off much more, at one injurious Blow,.
Than can again in many Jga grow.
The Fonts*
Thefc
. ^04* The Won d e r s
Thefe the wife Natives call the Fonts ; butthere^,
Defcending frem the Roof, there does appear
A bright tranfparent * Cloud, which from above.
By thcfe falfe Liglits, does downward, feem to move.
Like a Machine., wJiich, when fbme God appears,.
We fee defcend upon our Theaters.
Unlike in Figure, and in Poflure, this,
VViih the two nam'd before, owes its Increafe
To the fame Caufe the otliers grow up by.
Namely, the Petrifying Quality
Of thofe bright Drops, which, trickling one by one,.
Cruft, as they glide, delib'rately to Stone j.
By which the Stiria longer, bigger grows.
And muft touch Ground at lall ; but when, who knows !."
To fee thefe thriving by thefe various Ways,.
It feems, methinks, as if the firft did raife
Their Heads, the pond'rous Fault fo to fuftain*.
Whilfi: t'oth-er pendant Pillar feems to ftrain.
And at full Stretch endeavours to extend
jA ftable Foot to the fame needlefs End.
And this, forfooth, the BacDn-Flitch they callj.
. JN-jt that itidoes refemble one at all ;
For it is round, not flat : But I fuppofe,
JBecaufe it hangs i'th' Roof, like one of thofe>.
A nd (hines like Salt, PeakerBacon-eaters came.
At firft to call it by that greafy Name.
This once a Fellow had, another Stone
Of the fame Colour and Proportion :
* The Bacbn-FUtcb.
JSut
of the PEAK E. 305
But Ion* ago, I know not how, the one
Fell down, or eaten was ; for now 'tis gone.
The next Thing, you anive at, is a * Stone,
In truth, a very rare and pretty one ;
Which, on a Rock's fliarp Ridge taking its Root,
Rifes from thence in a neatround-turn'd Foot
Twelve Indies high, or more, wherein are all
The Mouldings of a round-turn'd Pedejlal.
Whence bubbling out in Figure of a Sphere :
Some two Foot and a half Diamaer,
The whole above is finiOi'd in a Tnall
Pellucid Spire, crovvn'd with a Cryilal Ball.
This, very aptly, they Pool's Lanthom name,
Being like thofe in AdnCral Poops that flame.
For, fcvcral Paces beyond thefe, you meet
W'ith nothing worth obferving, fave your Feet,
Which, with great Caution, you muft ilill difpofe.
Left, by mifchance, fliould you once Footing lofc.
Your own true Story only ferve to grace
The lying Fables of the uncouth Plccs :
16 ut, moving forward o'er the glafly Shore,
You hear the Torrent now much louder roar.
With fuch a Noife ftriking th' aftonifh'd Ear
As does inform fome CataraSl is near :
When foon the Deluge, tliat your Fearattend«t
Contemptibly ia a fmall Riv'Ut ends ;
Which falling low with a precip'tous Wave,
The dreadful Echo of the fpacious Cave
Gives it a hollow Sound, a Man would fear
Tire Sea was breaking in a Channel there :
Pool'; LoKthora*
-*-«r!
kx\A
.^06 The Wonders
And yet above the Current^ not fo wide.
To put a Maiti to an indecent Stride ;
Which, thro' bright Pebbles, trembling there does crawl*
As if afraid of the approaching Fall,
Which is a dreadful one ; but yet how deep,
I never durft extend my Neck to peep.
Beyond this little Rill, before your Eyes
You fee a great tranfparent f Pillar rife.
Of the fame fhintng Matter with the reft ;
But fuch a one as Nature does conteft,
Tho' working in the Dark, in this brave Piece,
With all the Obelijhs of Antique Greece ;
For all the Art, the Chijfcl could apply,
Ne'er wrought fuch curious Folds of Drapery.
Of this the Figure is, as Men fhoul3 crowd
A vaft ColoJ/iis in a Marble Shrowd,
And yet the Pleats ^ofoft znA fiovjing are.
As fineft Folds from fineft Looms they were ;
But, far as Hands can reach to give a Blov,',
B'y the rude CIoivhs broke, and uisfigur'd fa,
As may be well fuppos'd, when all that come.
Carry fome Piece of the ^ozk-CryJlal home.
Of all thefe Rarities, this alone can claim
A doubtlefs Right to everlafting Fame ;
The faireft, brighteft ^fi?«, that ever yet
On ETigliJh Ground unhappy Footing fet.
Having, to th' reft of th' IJIe's eternal Shame,
Honoui''d this Stone with her own fplendid Name,
., t The %«/7 of Scots Pillar.
For
of the P E A K E. 307
For Seotlandh Queen, hither by Art betr.iy'd,
And by falfe Friendiliip afier Captive made,
(As if Ihe did nought but a Dungeon want
T'exprefs the utmoll Rigour of Rellraint)
Coming to view this Cave, took fo much Pains,
For all the Damp and Horror it contains,
To penetrate fo far, as to this Place,
And, feeing it, with her own Mouth to grace,
As her Non Ultra, this now famous Stone,
By warning and declaring it her own ;
Which, ever fincc, fo glorioufly inftall'd.
Has been the Queen of Scots her Pillar cuU'd.
Illuflrlous MAR T, it had happy been,
Had you then found a Cave like this, to fureen
Vour Sacred Perfon from thofe Frontier Spies,
That of a So-v'reign Princefs durft make Prize,
When Neptune too ofHcioufly bore
Your cred'lous Inn'cence to this faithlefs Shore.
O England ! once who hadft the only Fame
Of being; kind to all who hither came
For Refuge and Protedlion ; how couldft thou
So flrangely alter thy Good-nature now.
Where there was fo much Excellence to move.
Not only thy Compaihon, but thy Love !
'Twas ftrangc, on Earth (lave Calecfonian Ground)
So impudent a Villain could be found.
Such Majejiy and Saveetne/s to accufe ;
Or, after that, a Judge would not refufe
Her Sentence to pronounce ; or, that being done»
Ev'n 'mongil the bloody'ft Hangmen, to find one
Durft, tho' her Face was veil'd, and Neck laid down,
^Strike ofF the faireft Head c're wore a Crown.
Aad
^oS ^he Wonders
And what State-Policy there might be here.
Which does with Right too often interfere,
I'm not to judge ; yet thus far dare be bold,
A fouler Ail the Sun did r:f:'er behold ;
And 'twas the worft, ifnci; the only Stain,
I'th' brighteft Annah of a Female Reign.
Over the Brook you're now obligM to ftride,
>^nd on 'he left iiand, by this Pillar's Side,
To fee new Wonders, tho' beyond this Stone,
Unlefs you fafe return, you'll meet with none,
And that indeed will be a kind of one :
For, from this Place, the Way does rife fo fteep.
Craggy, and wet, that who all fafe does keep,
A ftout and faithful Genius has, that will
In Hell's black Territories guard him ftil 1 ;
Vet, to behold thefe vaft prodigious Stones,
None, who has any Kindnefs for his Bones,
Will venture to climb up, tho' I did once j
A certain Symptom of an empty Sconce :
But many more have done the like fmce then.
That now are wifer than to do't agen.
Having fwarm'd fev'nfcore Paces up> or more.
On the right Hand, you find a kind of Floor,
Which twining back, hangs o'er the Cave below.
Where, thro' a Hole, your kind Condudors ftiow
A Candle, left on purpofe at the Brook,
On which, \\i\t\\ trembling Horror, whilil you look,.
You'U fancy 't, from, that dreadful Precipice,
A Spark afcending from the black Ahyfs.
Returning to your Road, you thenc e muft ftiU
Higher .and higher mount the darg'rous Hill,
\
Tij^
of the ?E AK E. 309
Till, at the laft, dirty, and tir'd enough.
Your giddy Headb do touch the fparkling Roof,
And now you here a while to pant may fit.
To which JJ'-ijent*rers have thought requifit
To add a Bottle, to exprefs the Love
They owe their Fritnds left in the IForld above.
And here I too would Iheathe my weary'd Pen,
Were I not bound to bring you back agen ;
You therefore muft return, but with much more
Delib'rate Circumfpcdlion than before :
Two Hob-nail Ptakril's, one on cither fide,
Your Arms fupporting like a bafliful Bride,
Whilft a Third lleps before, kindly to meet
M'ith his broad Shoulders your extended Feet,
And thus from Rock to Rock they Aide you down,
Till to their Footing you may add your osvn ;
Which is at the great Tencnty roar^ below,
From whence your Guides aaother Candle Ihow,
Left in the Hole above, whofe dillani Light
Seems a Star peeping thro' a Allien Night.
You there with far Icfs painful Steps, but yet
^More dang'rous llill, the Way you came repeat.
Your P^rt/ft'-bred Convoy of rude Men and Boys
All the Way hooting with that dreadful Noife,
A Man would think it were the difmal Yell
Of Souls tormented in the Flames of Hell ;
And I almoll bcliev'd it, by the Face
Our MnJIers give us of that unknown Place.
But, bc'ng conduced with this Triumph back>
Before y'are yet permitted leave to take
Of this Infernal Matijton, you mnft fee
, WhCT€ Mafter /^oc/and his bold }'eomanrj
Took
3 1 o 'The Wonders
Took up their dark Apartments, which do lie
Over the narrow Pafs you enter'd by ;
Up an Afcent of eafy Mounting, where
They fhewhis Hall, his Parlour, Bed-chamher,
Withdru'vjing-room, and Clofet ; and, to thefe.
His Kitchen, and his other Offices,
And all contriv'd to juftify a Fable,
That may, indeed, pafs with the ign'rant Rabble,
And might ferve him perhaps a Day, or fo.
When clofe purfu'd ; but Men of Senfe muft know.
Who of the Place have took a ferious View,
None but the D^^il himfelf could live there Tnx:o,
And I half think yourfelves are glad to hear
Your own Deliverance to be fo near :
. Thence once more thro' the narrow PafTage Ilrain,
And you fhall fee the chearful Day again ;
When, after two Hours Darknefs, you will fay,
The Sun appears drefs'd in a brighter Ray :
Thus, after long Rellraint, when once fet free.
Men better talle the Air of Liberty.
Six hundred Paces hence, and Northivard ftill,
On the Defcent of fuch a little Hill,
As by the reft, of greater Bulk and Fame,
Environ'd round, fcarcely deferves that Name,
A Cryftal * Fount ainS'pnng, in healing Streams,
Hot (tho' clofe fhaded from the Sun's warm Beams,
By a malicious Roof, that covers it
So clofe, as not his prying Eye t'admit
St. Ann^s Well^/ the Fuxtons, the/econdWond&r.
That
of the PE AKE. 311
That clfewhcre's privileg'd, here to behold
His beamy Face, and Locks of burning Gold,
\\\ the moil flatt'ring Mirror, that below
liis Travel round the fpacious Globe can fhow)
So fair a Nymph, and fo fupremely bright.
The teeming Earth did never bring to light ;
Nor does fhe rufh into the World with Noife,
Like Neptune\ ruder Sex of roaring Boys ;
But boils and fimmers up, as if the Heat,
That warms her Waves, that Motion did beget.
But Where's the Wonder? for it is well known.
Warm and clear Fountains in the Peahe are none.
Which the whole Pro'vir.ce thoro' fo abound,
Kach Yeoman almoll has them in his Ground.
Take then the Wonder of this famous Place j.
This tepid Fountain a Tivin-Sijier has.
Of the fame Beauty and Complexion,
That, bubbling fix Foot off", joins both in one :
But yet fo cold withal, that who will Aride,
When bathing, crofs the Bath but half fo wide.
Shall in one Body, which is ftrange, endure
At once an ^gue and a Calenture.
Strange ! that two Sijlers, fpringing up at once.
Should differ thus in Conftitutlons ;
And would be flranger, could they be the fame:
That Love ftould one half of the Heart inflame,
Whilll t'other, fenfelefs of a Lover's Pain,
Freezes itfelf and him in cold Difdain ;
Or that a Naiade, having carelefs play'd
With fome male ivanton Stream, and fruitful Maid,
Should have her Silver Breads at once to flow.
One with ivarm Milky t'other with melted Snow.
yet
3 1 2 I'he Wonders
Yet for the Patienti 'tis more proper ftill.
Fit to inflame the Blood is cold and chill ;
And of the Elood t'allay the glowing Heat,
Wild Youth, and yet wilder Defires beget :
Hither the Sickf and Laine, and Barren come,
And hence go healthful, found, a.nd fruitful Home,
Buxton's in Beauty famous : But in this
Much more, the Pilgrim never fruftrate is.
That comes to bright St. Anne, when he can get
Nought but his Pains, from yellow * Somerfet.
Nor is our Saint, tho' fweetly humble, fhut
Within coarfe Walls of an indecent Hut j
But in the Center of a Palace fprings
A Manfion proud enough for Saxon Kiugs ;
But by a Lady built, who. Rich and Wife,
Not only Houfes rais'd, but Fcmilies,
More, and more great than England, that does flow
In Loyal Pan, can from one Fountaia (how.
But, either thro' the Fault of th' Archite£ly
The Workman's Ign'rance, Knav'ry, or Negleft,
Or thro' the fearching Nature of the Air,
Which almoft always breathes in Tempejis there ;
This Strudure, which in E.xpedation ihou'd
Ages as many, as't has Years, have ftood j
Chink'd and decay'd fo dangeroufly fall.
And near a Ruin, till it came, at laft,
I'o be thought worth the noble f Owner's Care,
New to rebuild what Art could not repair,
As he has done, and, like himfelf, of late.
Much more commodious, and of greater State.
* Bath in Somerfetfhire.
t William i'flr/o/^Devonlhire,
ef the P E A K E. 313
North eaji from hence, three Pcakijh Miles at leaft,
(Which, who once mcafures, will dread all the reft)
At th' Inftep of jufl: fuch another Hill,
There creeps a Spring that makes a little || Rill,
Which, at firll Sight, to curious Vifiteis,
So fmall and fo contemptible appears.
They'd think themfelvcs ahus\^, did they not flay
To fee wherein the Wonder of it lay.
This Fountain is fo very very fmall,
Th' Obfcrver hardly can perceive it crawl
Thoro' the Sedge, which fcarcely in thfir Reds
Confefs a Current by their waving Heads.
I'th' Chink thro' whiJi it ifiues to the Day,
\k Jlagnant fcems, and makes fo little Wav,
That ThiJlU-do'wn, without a Breeze of Air,
May lie at Hull, and be becrdmed there ;
Which makes the vary Owner of the Ground,
For his Herds Ufc, the tardy Waves impound, '
In a low Cijlern of fo fmall Content,
As ftops fo little of the Element
For fo important Ufc, that, when the Cup
Is fullell crown'd, a Cc-xv may drink it up.
Yet this fo Hill, fo very little Well,
\\'hich, thus beheld, fcems (o contemptible,
No Icfs of real //owrt'c/- does comprize,
T han any of the other Rarities :
For now and then, a hollow murm'ring Siund,
Being firil heard remotely under Ground,
The Spring immediately fwells, and ftraight
Boils up thro' fev'ral Pores to fuch a Height,
II Wedding-wall, or Tides-well, iba Third Wonder.
O As,
314 5"^^ Wonders
As, overflowing foon the narrow Shoar,
Below does in a little Turrent roar.
vVhilft, near the Fountain-Mouth, the Water fings
Thoro' the fecret Conduits of her Springs,
With fuch a Harmony of various Notes,
As Grotto's yield, thro' narrow brazen Throats,
When, by the Weight of higher Streams, the Ipvv'r
Are upward foic'd in an inverted Show'r. ^'^''''
But the fweet Mufick''^ fliort three Minutes Space
To higheft Mark this Oceaiiet does raife.
And half that Time retires the ebbing Waves
To the dark Windings of their frigid Caves.
To feek invefligable Caufes out
Serves not to clear, but to increufe a Doubt ;
And, where thebefl oi Nature's Spies but grope.
For me, who worfl can fpeculatc, what Hope
To find ihe fecret Craife of tnefe ftrange T^des
Which an impenetrable Mourdain hides
.From all, to view thefe Miracles tliat comCj
h^ dark ReceiTes of her fpacious Womb ?
And * Ue who is in Nature the beii read,
Who the belt Hand has to the v/ifeft Head,
Who bell can Think, and beft his Thoughts exprefs,
Joes but, perhaps, more rationally guefs,
When he his Senfe delivers of thefe Things,
And Fancy fends to fearch thefe unknown Springs.
He tells us firft, thefe flowing Waters are
Too fweet, their Fluxes too irregular.
* Mr. Hobbs.
To
of the. PEAK E. 315
To owe to Neptune thcfe fantallick Turns ;
Nor yet does Phcebc with her Silver Horns,
In thcfe free franchis'd, fubt.rrancan Caves,
PuQi into crou'dei TrJes the frighted Wares.
But that the Spring, fwcU'd b) fonie fmoaking Shovv'r
That teeming Clouds on Tel.'us' Surface pour,
Marches amain wiih a confederate Fcrce,
Until fome Ureighter PafTage in its Courfe
Stops tlic rumult'ous Throng, which preflinj* fafl.
And forc'd on Hill to more prccip'tous llarte
By the fucceeding Streams, lies Cirglii:?^ there,
Till in that narrow Throat, th' obllructed Air,
Finding itfelf in too Arid Limits pent,
Oppofes fo the' invading £/^-".v;.'/.
As full to make the half-chnak'd Gullet iicavt.
And then difgorge the Stream it can't receive.
Than this, of this Veake-Wondf.r^ I believe.
None a more plauiible Account can give.
The* here it n.ight be faid, if this were fj.
It never would, but in wet Weather, flo.v j
Yet, in the greateil Droughts the Earth abide?.
It never fails to yield Icfs frequent ^"ides.
Which always clear and unpolluted are,
And nothing of the U'aJ}} oi TempeJ} (hurc.
Eut whether this va Wonder be, or no,
'Twill be one. Reader, if thou feeilit flow :
For, having been thcic len times for the nonce,
I never yet could fee it flow but once.
And that thclall time too ; which made me there
Take my laft leave on't, as I now do here.
O 2 Hence
3i6 The WONDE RS
Hence two Miles Eajl, does a Fourth Wonder lie.
Worthy the greateft Curiofity,
Call'd * Elden-Hole ; but fuch a dreadful Place,
As will procure a tender Muje her Grace,
In the Defcription, if flie chance to fail,
When my //«»^ trembles, and my Cheeks turn pale.
Betwixt a verdant MouJifainh falling Flanks,
And within Bounds of eafy fwelling Banks,
That hem the Wonder in on either Side,
A formidable Scijure gapes fo wide.
Steep, black, and full of Horror, that who dare
Look down into the Chafm., and keep his Hair
From lift'ng off his Hat, either has none.
Or for more modilli Curls cafhiers his own.
It were injurirus, I muA co'nfefs.
By mine to meafure braver Cournges ;
Eut when I peepinto't, I mud declare,
Mv Heart IHII beats, and Eyes with Horror ftare ;
And he that, Handing on the Brink of Hdly
Can carry it fo unconcern'd, and well.
As to betray no Fear, is certainly,
A better Chripan, or a worfe than /.
This yawning Mouth is thirty Paces long.
Scarce half fo wide, within lin'd thro' with ftrong
€oRd£;uous Walls of foiid perpend Stone :
A Gulf wide, fteep, black, and a dreadful one ;
Which few, that come to fee it, dare come near.
And the more daring flill approach with Fear,
* Elden-Hole, the Tovrth Wcnder.
Having
\
of the PE A KE. 317
Having with Terror here beheld a Space,
The ghaltly Afpodl of liiis dang'ious Place ;
Critical PaJJ'aigcrs ufually found.
How deep the threat'ning Gulph goes under grcunJ,
By tumbling down Stones fought througliout the Pitid,
As great as the officious Boars can wield,
Of which fuch Millions of Tu>is are thrown,
That, in a Country almoft all of Stone,
About the PUce they fomcthing fcarce aic grown.
But, being brought, down they're coadcmii'd to go,
Wheii Silence being made, and Ears laid lo.v.
The firft's turn'd off, wh^ch, as it parts the Air,
A kind oi Sighing makes, as if it were
Capable of that ufelefs Pallion, Fe^xr :
Till the iirll Hit llrikes the allonini'd Ear,
Like Tkuudcr under-ground ; diente it invades.
With louder Thuiiders, thofe Tartarean Shades,
Which groan forth Horrcr at each ponderous Strcke
Th' unnat'ral JJJue gives the Parent Rock j
Whilll, as it ftiikes, the Sound by turns we note.
When nearer /at, Jharper when more remote,
As the hard Walls, on which it ftrikcs, are found
Fit to reverberate the bell'wing Sound :
When, after falling long, it feems lo hifs,
Like the Old Serpent in the dark jihy/s :
TiW Echo, til 'd with pofiing, does refufe
To carry to th'inquifiti\c Perdu'' s.
That couchant lie above, the trembling News.
And there ends our Intelligence ; how far
It travels further no one can declare ;
Tho', if it relied here, the Place might well
Sure be accepted f">r a Miracle.
Q 3 Yott-
^XS 7he WONTDERS
Your Giiuie to all thefe Wonders never fails
T'o entertain you with ridic'lous Tales
Of this ft:ange Place, one of the Gcej'e thrown in.
Which, out of Peake's Arfe two Miles off, was feen
Shell-naked oally, rified of her Plume,
By which a Man may lawfully prefume,
'I'he Owner was a Woman grave, and wife.
Could know \\txGufe again in that Difguife.
Another lying Tale the People tell,
And, without C'niling, of'a pond'rous BtU,
Sy a long PvOpe let down the Pit to found ;
When mar.y hundred Fathoms under Ground
It (lopp'd : Er.t, tho' they made their 5/3f-zyy'ci-ack,
All the Men there ccuH net once move it back ;
Tl!l, after forr.e fiiort Space, the plundered Line,
With fcorcs o^ curious Knots m?Ac wond'rous iine.
Came up again with eafy Motion ;
£ut, for the jangling /'/i</w«f/, that was gone.
But with thefe idle Fables, feign'd of old.
Some modern Truths, and fad ones too, are told :
One, of that mercenary /ut/ expos'd
His Life for Gold, t'explore what lies enclos'd
In this obfcure Vacuity, and tell
Of ftranger Sights than Theftus faw in Hell :
But the poor Wretch paid for his Thirli of Gain ^
For being cran'd up with diftemper'd Brain,
A falt'ring Tongue, v/ith a wild flaring Look ;
(Whether by Bamps not known, or Hcrrcr, firook)
Now this Man was confed'rate with Mi/chance
'Gainft his own Life, his whole Inheritan.ce,
WlUch
cf the PEAK E. 319
Which bates the Pity human Nature bears
To poor involuntary Sufferers :
But the fad Talcof hi:i feverer Fate,
Whofc Story's next, Compaflion mufl create.
He raving languilh'd a few Days, and then
Dy'd ; pcradventure to go down agcn.
\\\ Savage?, and in the filcnt Deep,
Make the hard Marble, that dellroy'd him, weep.
A Stranger y to this Day from whence not known.
Travelling this wild Country all alone.
And by the 'Night furpriz'd by Dejliny,
(If fuch a Thing, and (a unkind, there be)
Was guided to a Village near this Place,
Where aficinp- at a Houfe, how T^r it was
To fuch a To-wi:, and being told fo far :
Will you, my Friend, t' oblige a Traveller,
Says the benighted Strdtiger, be fo kind
As to ccnduft me thither ? You will bind
My Gratitude for ever, and in Hand
Shall prefeutly receive what you'll demand.
The Fellaw humm'd, andhaw'd, and fcratch'd his PatSf
And, to draw on good Wages, faid 'twas late.
And grew fo tlar/:, that, thu' he knew the Vs'ay,
He durft not be fo confident to fay.
He might not mifs it in fo dark a Night :
But if his If'orpip would be pleas'd t'alight.
And let him call a Friend, he made no doubt,
But one cf them woald furely find it out.
The Traitller well pleas'd, at any rate,
To have fo expert Guides, difm-untcd Ilralght,
Giving his Horfc up to the tie.-vch'rou? Slave,
Who, having hous'd him, forthwith fell to heave
O 4 And
320 The Wonders
And poife the Portmanteau, wliich finding Freight
At either End, v.'ith Lumps of tempting Weight,
The Z)i"i'//and He made out a fhort Difpute
Aho.it the Thing they foon did execute :
For calling t'other Rogue, who long had bin
Kis 'Ccmpiice in fucceeding A6ls of Sin,
He tells him of the Prize, fets oat the Gain,
£h€v/s how fecure and eafy to obtain ;
V/hich prefs'd fo home, where was fo little need.
The Stranger''s Ruin quickly was decreed.
Thus, to the poor Pro/criPd, the Villains go,
Aii^ with join'd Confidence aiTure him fo^
That, wi,th his Hap to meet fuch Friends content.
He puts himfelf into their Hands, and went.
The guilty Night, as if fhe would exprtfs
Coufed'racy xvith fuch black Purpnfcs,
The fparkling Hemi/piere had overfpread
With darkeft Vapours from foul Lerna bred ;
The World was hufh'd all, fave a fighing Wind,
That nnght have warn'd a more prefaging Mind^
When thefe two Sons cf Satan thus agreed,
With feeming Warinefs and Care proceed.
All the while mixing their amufmg Chat
With frequent Caution of this Step, and that.
Til! after that fix hundred Paces gone,
Najier, here's hut a/ony Grip, fays one
Of the damn'd Rogues (and he faid very right)
Pray, for more Safety, Sir, he pleas' d t^ alight.,
Jnd let him lead your Eorfe a little Space^
7 ill you are pajl this one uneven Placey
You II need t^ alight no more, Vll -warrant you j
Aadilill this Injlrument of Hell i^\^ true.
Forth.-
of the PEAKE. 3^^^
Forthwith alights the innocent Trapati'd,
One leads his Horfe, the other takes his Hand ;
And with a Shew of Care, ccndudls him thus
To thefc fteep Thrclholds of black Erelms :
AvA there (O Aft of Horror, which out-vi:-s
The diieft of inhuman Cruelties I)
Let me (my Mu/e) repeat it without Sin,
The barb'rous Villain puAi'd him headlong in.
The frighted Wretch, having no time to fpeak^
Forc'dhis diflendcd Throat in fuch a Shriek,
As, by the Shrilntfs of the doleful Cry,
Pierc'd thro* and thro' the immenfe Inanity,
Informing fo the half-dead Faller's Ear,
What he mull fufier, what he had to fear ;
When, at the very firfl befriending Knock,
His trembling Brains fmear'd the Tarpdan Rock,
The ihattcr'd Carcafs downward rattles fall,
Whilll, thence difmifs'd, the Soul with greater Haftc
From thofe Infernal Manfions docs remove,.
And mounts to feek the happy Seats above.
What bloody Arab of the felled Breed,
What but the yet more fell / n Seed,
Could once have meditated fuch a Deed?
But one of thefe Uea-v'nh Vengeance did e're long
Call to Account for this poor Creature's Wrong ;
Who, hang'd for other Crimes, amongi the rcil,.
This liorrid Murder at his Death confefs'd :
Whihl t'other Rogue, to 'Jujlice foul Difgrace,
Yet lives, 'tis faid, unquellion'd near the Place..
How deep this Gulph dots travel under-ground,
Tho' there have been Attempts,, was never found ::
But I myfelf, with half the Peake furrounded,
Eight hundred joiivfcore and four Vafdi havi Jcui:dat
Q 5 Aad:
2 22 Tie WOND E R S
And, tho' o^ \}\QiQ four/core returnM back weir.
The PluTKTtiet drew, and found no Bottom yet :
Tho' when I went again ajiother Day,
To make a further and a new Effay,
I could not get the Lead down half the Way.
Enough 0^ Hell! from hence you- forward ride,.
Still moqnting up the Mountain s groaning Side,
Till, having gain'd the utmoft Height^ yourEye^
Northzvard a Mile, a * higher does defcry,
And deeper much, tho' from that Profpedl green.
With a black, moorifh Valley ftietch'd between.
Unlike in Stature, and in Subftance, this,.
To tlie Soutb-eajiy is a great Precipice,
Not of firm Rock, like the reft here that fhrcucl
Their low 'ring Submits in a dewy Clpad ;
But of flialy Earth, that from the Crown
With a ccntiuual Motion raould'ring down.
Spawns a lefs Hill of loofer Mould below,,
W'hich will in tijne ta-1 as the Mother grpw.
And ratift perpetuate the Wonder fo.
Which Wonder is, that tho' this Hill ne'er ceafe
To wafte itfelf,. it fufFers no-Decreafe :
33ut 'twould a greater be, if thofe that pafs
3hould mifs the Atoms of fp vail z,Mafs :
The' Neighbcnrs, if they nearer wcqld enquire,^
Mull: needs perceive the pilling CV^retire :.
And the moll curfory Beholder may
Vifibly. fee a manirett Pccay,
MajJvTor, the Fifth Wsnder..
By
cf the P E A K E. 323
Ey jutting Stones, that, by the Earth lefc bar?,
if ang on the trip, fufpcnded in the Air.
'I'his haughty Mountain, by indulgent Fame
Prefcrr'd t' a Wonckr, Mam-Tor has to Nr.mc,
For in that Country Jargon'% uncouth Senie
F.xprclling any craggy Eminence,
From To-ixI'r : But then, why Mn.m, I can't furmife,
Unlefs becaufe Mcther to that doth rife
Out of her Ruins : Better then to fpeah.
It mioht be called. Phasnix of the Pcuk: :
For, when this Mcuntain by long Waiting's gone.
Her Aflics will, and not till then, be one.
Which, e're I quit, I muft beg leave to tell
One Story only of this Miracle.
Of late, a Country-Fellow, it Teems, one
Who had more Courage than Difcretion ;
Untempted, or by Wager, or by Price,
And obftinately deaf to all Advicej
Would needs attennpt to climb this Precipice.
Thus then refoiv'd, \.\i' EncelaJus fets out;
With a PeaKC Heart Heaxm dcfvin<j ftout,
A daring Look, and'vafl Colojfain Strides,
To ftorm \}\efroivning Mountaiit's niould'riiig Sides.
Wherein the firft Steps of xW Jctvcnt^rerh Proof
Were eafy and encouraging enough.
Scarce Pe/it-lsK/eileeTp, and cv'ry Sttp did brand
Afiurcd Footing in the yielding Sand ;
And higher, tho' much fteeper ; yet the Hill,
Ry leaning backward, gave him Foot"ng ftill ;
Tho*iVill more tickle and urfr.fe, ar. higher
TItc harc-biair.'d F"ool did in's Attempt afpirc.
F-at be'ng arrivMto the ftcpcadous Place
Wiiexe.the C'iJ^s Cectlc-biows o'cilookhis ^^y?,.
O 6 Xhfr-^
324 The Wo N D £ R s
The jutting Front with threat'ning Ruin tliere
Bad ftand unto the bold Adventurer.
Then from that ftapifying Height, too late,
Th'afloniili'd Wretch faw his approaching Fare :
Thence fiift he downward caft his woeful Eyes,.
Sadly to view the dangerous Precipice,
Which the boldStormer with fuch Horror ftrook>
As all his Limbs with a cold Trembling fhook
With fo unfeafonable an Ag-ae-Fit,
That Hands and Feet are ready hold to qait.
And to the Fool their Mafter's Fate fubmit^
How to advance a Step he could not tell.
And to defcend was as impoflible :
Eut, thus environ'd with black Defpair,
He hung fufpended in the liquid Air.
He then would fain have pray'd ;, Bat Authors fay.
Few of the Province gifted are that way,
And that to fwear, curfe, flander, and forfwear
More nat'ral is to your Peake-HighlanJer ;
Tho' there are many virt'ous People there.
But be it how it will, the Fellow hung
Gn itretch'd-ovLt Sinews fo exceeding long.
Till, ready to drop off, Neceffity
Bad mount and live, or clfe fail down and die.
With laft Effort he upward then 'gan crawl,.
To rife, or from a nobler Height to fall ;
And, as he forward ftrove, began to try
This and that hanging Stone's Stability,
To prove their Firmnefs, and to fetl what hold
The £^r.'i7-^0K;?/i'Ends had in the crumbling ik'fl/V.
Borne of which hanging Tables, as he llill.
Jtiade further Frogreft) up the tickling HL'I,
He
of the PE A KE. 325
He found fo loofe, they threatcn'd as he went,
To fweep him off, and be his Monument.
But 'ds moft certain, that fome other End,
In Fateh dark Leagues, for the rafli Fool is penn'd ;
Not by a Fall fo noble, and fo high,
Tho' by a Slip, perhaps, 'twixt Ear//j and Sij :
For, to th' Speeiator'i Wonder, and his own,
He panting gain'd at lall the Mountain's Crown..
Hence an uneven Mile below, in Sight
Of this ftrange Cliff, and almoft oppofite,
Lies CaJiL'tcn, a Place of noted Fame,
Which from the Cajile there derives it Name.
Ent'ring the ullage prefently y'are met
With a clear, fwift, and murm'ring Ri'vulety.
Tov/ards whofe Source, if up the Streajn you look.
On your right Hand clofe by^ your Eye is ftrucfc
With a llunendous Rock raifinc fo hi2:h
His craggy Temples tow'rds the Azure Sky,
Xhat, if we this (hould with the reft compare,
'fhey Hillocks, Mole-hills, Waits, and Pebbles are.
This, as if King of all the Mcuntniits rounds
Is on the Top with an old Tcnxer crcwn'd.
An Antick Thing, fit to make People ftare ;
But of no ufe, either in Peace, or War.
Under this Cajile yawns a dreadful * Cave,
Whofe Sight may well aftonifli the moft Brave,
And make him paufe, e'rc further he proceed
T' explore what in thofc gloomy Vaults lie hid.
The Brock, which from one mighty Spring does flow,
Tluo' a deep ftony Cjiannel runs below.
• Peake'j Arfe^ the Sixth IFon-ier.
Whim
^26 T!he Wonders-'
Whilfl: o'er a Path level, aad broad enough-.
For human Feet, or for the armed Hoofy
Above you, and below, all. Precipice,
You llill advance towards the Court of D I §.
Over this Caufey as you forward go,
On your right Hand, crofs the deep Courfe below.
You fee the Fountain\ long imprifon'd Streams
Leap out to wanton in the Sun's warm Beams.
There thro' a Marhk-Pipe fome two Footv\ide,
And deeper than a Pike^% Length can decide,
Sick cf long wand^'ring in thofe envious Cavcsy
She here difgorges her tumult'ous Waves
With fuch a Force, that if you coit a Stone,
Any thing^flat, altho' a heavy one,
Tho' the Fall make it fink, it will amaTn,
Like fqueamifh Patients, throw it up again,
As a pale Leaf, kill'd by the V/inter's Frown ;
Nor, till' it gain an Edge, receive it down.
So that it feems by the flrange Force it has,
Rifing from fuch a pond'rous McuKtaiii*s Bafe,
As if, pref-.'d down with the great Weight, it thenccr
Deriv'd this fupernat'ral Violence..
Above the Spring, the ChanneV^OZh up ftilli
Dry now ; but which the Ca^oe does foraetimes fill-
With fuch a roaring and high-fwelling Tidei.
The tallert Firfi-rate Frigate there may ride.
Now to the Ca-ve we come, wherein is found
A nev/ ftrange Thing, a Village upder- ground i
Hoii/cs, and Barns for Men, and Beafis bebcof.
With diftinA 7^i?//f under one fclid Roof.
Stacks both oi Hay and Turf, which yield a Scent,
^an or,ly fume frcm Satan's Fundament ;
of the- P E A K E. 3:27
For this black Cave lives in the Voice of Fume
To the fame Senfe by a yet coarfer Name..
The Subterranean Peopk ready ftand,
A Candle each, moil two in cither Hand^
To guide, who are to penetrate inclin'd.
The hitejlinum Redum of the Fiend.
Thus, by a blinking and promifcuous Light,.
We now begin to travel into Nighty
Hoping, indeed, to fee xh.<i Sun agen ;
Tho' noae of us can tell, or how, or when.
Now in your Way, a foft Defccnt you meet,
Where the Sand takes th' Impreffion of your Feet,
And which, e're ipany Yards you meafor'd have.
Brings you into the Level of the Ca've.
Some Paces hence the Roof comes down fo low.
The humblefl Statures are compell'd to bow,
Firll low, then lower ; till at !aft we go
On four Feet now, who walk'd but now on two ;
Then ftrafght it lets you upright rife, and then;
Force you to floop down, and to creep agen j
Till to a filent Brcok at lafl you come,
Whofc limpid Waves dart Rays about the Room:.
But there the Rock its Bofom bows fo low,.
That few Adventurers further prefs to go ;.
Yet we muft throV or elfe how can we give
Of this ftfange Place a perfedl Narrative ?
But how's the Queftion : For the Water's deep>,
The Bottom dipping, fliprejy, and ftecp ;
Where if you flip, in ill Hour you carae hither.
You fhoot under a Rock the Lord knows whither.
Then 'tis twelve Paces broad, to that fo low
The Rock does tow'rds the Water's Surface bow,.
Xbr.t
^28 The Wonders
I'hat who will pafs, in double Danger's bound ;
Rifmg he breaks his Skull, he's Hooping drown'd.
Thrice I the Pa/s attempted with Defire,
And thrice f did'inglorioufly retire ;
Till Shame did that my Courage fail'd to do>.
And, maugre Difficulties, forc'd me thro'.
As my Feet chock'd upon the further Shore^
My Heart began to rife was funk before,.
And as foon felt a new Accefs of Pain,
Now I was here, how to get back again.
And with good Caufe; for if (as fometimes here.
By Mounts of Sand, within it does appear
A rapid Current, navigably deep,
The Sides and Bottom of the Cave does fweep)
There now fhould the leaft Rill of \^'ater come
To fill the fore-nam'd very little Room,
And higher fhould but poor fix Inches fwell,
'Twould render all Retreat impoffible.
But that Thought comes too late, and they who take
A Voyage once over the Stygian Lake
(Where Souls for ever ufu'Ily remain)
Have better Luck, if they return again..
Being o'er this dang'rous Pafs, above us now
Are high-rooPd Vaults : Oh, for a Gol^ieji Bcugb
To charm the 'Train of that infernal God
Who in thefe Cat'erns makes his dark Abode !
The Cave is here not only high, but wide,
Stretching itfelf fo far from Side to Side,
At if (paft thefe blind Creeks) we now were come
Into the Hollow of the Mountain's Womb,
The flatcly Walls ofd.ifF'ring Fabrick are,
One Coping, t'other perpendicakr.
of the PEAK E. 329
I Fabrick fay, becaufe on the right Hand,
If you will climb the Acherontick Strand,
A curious Portal gxceVi the wond'ring Eye,
Where ArchiteHnre'i chiefeil Symmetry
Is ev'ry where obfcrv'd, and ferves to (how
The poor * Dcjtgn above to this below.
Two Tufcan Columns jutting from the V/all,
With each his proper ^«_/^ and Capital,
Support a wcU-turn'd Jrch^ and of one Piece,
With all its Mouldings, Prize, and Coronice.
Oh ! who that fees thefe Things, but mufl: refleft
With Wonder on th' Almighty ArchiteH,
Whofe Works all human Art fo far excel ?
For, doiibtlefs, he, that //f^'u'/: made, vnSidit Hell.
This leads into a handlbme Room, wherein
A Ba/on ftands with Waters Cryf:alllne,
To welcome fuch, as once, at leaft, fliall grace
With unknown Ligut this folitary Place.
On this Side many more fmall Grotto's are,
Which, were the firft away, would all fcem rare :
But, that once feen, we may the reft pafs by.
As hardly worth our Curiofity.
But we mull back, e're we can forward go,
Into the Channel we forfook below ;
Thro' which the rugged Pafs does only lie
T'a further and compleat Difcovery.
Being return'd, we now again proceed
Thoro' a Fale that's falebious indeed ;
Squeezing our Guts, bruifing our Flefh and Bones
To thruft betwixt mafly and pointed Stones,
The Cafile over it.
Some
330 The Wonders
Some three, fome four, and others five Foot high.
Puffing and fweatingin our Induftry :
Till after three or fourfcore Paces more.
We reach the fecond Riser's marble Shore,
Four times as. broad as that we pafs'd before.
The Water's Margetit here goes down fo fteep.
That at firll; Step you chop in Middle-deep ;
But, tho' the Way he cumberfome and rough,
'Tis no where more, and fordable enough.
This, as the other, clears differs in this.
The Bottom is of Sand, this Stony is ;
And here withal the Water is fo ftrong.
That, as you raife one Foot to move alonsr.
Without good Heed, you will have much ado
To fix the other Foot from rifing too ;
And yet there is no Current here, nor Spring,
T'occafion fuch an unexpefted Thing :
For, tho' the Country-People are fo wife
To call thefe Ri'vers, they're but Stagnanciet
Left by the Flood ; which, when retir'd again.
The Ca've does in her hollow Lap retain.
As here thro' cohllng Stones we Humbling wade.
The narrow Ca've cafls fuch a dreadful Shade,
That, being thence unable to difcover
With all our Light, how far the Lake was over.
We made a Halt, and, as the re'h defu'd,
I nov/ ha!f-willine: was to have reitr'd ;
And, had not Re/ohaicn then ftepp'd in.
The great Ad^enUir^ had not finiiK'd bin.
But o'er we got, and from our Cloaths there rain'd
A welcome Show'r upon the thirfty Sand,
Of which we here vaft Mountains faw, by Seas
Qf Tqrrcnts wafh'd from diilant Provinces i
For
of the PE AKE. 331
For the hard Ribs of the Cave's native Stone
So folid are, that I'm fure yields none.
Over thefe Hills we forward ftill contend, T
Wifhing and longing for our Journey's End; ^
Till now again we faw the Rock deicend, 3
Forming a Roof fo even, fmooth, and (leek.
Without, or Crack, or Seam, or Chink or Nick^
Some twenty Paces long, and ten Foot high,
As the Mechanick Troxvel may defy.
I'th' midft of which a Cupcla does rife,
(As if 10 crown the other Rarities)
In th' exadl Hollow of a weighty Bcllf
WJiich does in Beauty very much excell
All I e'er faw before, excepting none.
The' I have been at Lincoln, and at Rcane.
Juft beyond this a purling Rill we meet.
Which, tho' fcarce deep enough to wet our Feet,
Had they been dry, muft be a Ri'ver too„
And has more Title than the other two;
Bccaufc this runs, which neither of them do.
Tho' ev'ry Kenml that we fee does pour
More lib'ral Streams in ev'ry Thundcr-JhoiKi'r^
Jult where 'tis met, as if to fhun the Light,
Jt under Ground vaniflies out of Sight ;
We take the obvious Stream to be our Gitidey
Sand-Hilhy and Rocks by turns on either Side,
Plafliing thro' Water, and thro' flabby Sand,
Till a vail Sand-HillonQQ more bids us Hand:
For here again, who'er (hall try, will know.
The hum'rous Rock defcends fo very low,
That the fvvoln Floods, when they in Fury rave.
Throw u^ this Mount, that almoll chokes the Cflje- .
■■^hcre„
I
332 The "Wonders
Where, tho' the Brooi oiTer'd to guide iis ftill
Thro a blind CreeJ o'th right Haiid of this Hill;
We thought it not Prudence to follow it,
Unlikely, we conceiv'd, our BulAs t' admit :
But ftorm'd the Hill, which rifing fall and ileep
So near the Rock, we on all fourmuft creep
It on the other Side as fall does dip ;
And, to reward us for that mighty Pain,
Brought us unto our little ^ymph again :
Which we feme Paces follow' d llill, when there
A fudden Noife ftriking th' aftonifli'd Ear,
W"e neither could guefs wohat, nor tell from tchencet
Struck us into Amazement and Sufpence.
We ftood all mute and palled with the Sight ;
A Palenefs fo increas'd by paler Light,
That ev'ry Wand a Caduce did appear,
As we a Carax^n of dead Folks were :
But really fo terrible a Sound,
Sure, ne'er was heard above, or under Ground.
To which the Difficulties we had had,
And Korror of the Place did fo much add.
That it was long before a Word came out.
To ask a Queilion, or refolve a Doubt.
But, by fome one, the Silence being broke.
We all together in Confufion fpoke :
But all cro/s-purpofcy not a Word of Senfe,
Either to get or give Intelligence.
So when a tall and richly laden Ship,
Ploughing the Sea with all her Sails a-trip,
Suddenly ftrikes upon fome unfeen Nock,
Her Seams laid open by the pond'rous Shock,
The Pafsngers and Seamen tear their Throats
In confus'd Cries, and undiilinguilli'd Notes.
Some
of the PEAK E. ^^^
Soma thought a Flood was juft now breaking in.
Some that Pyraanon had at th' Anvil bin,
With Brontes, forging Thunderbolts for JOVE,
Or for fome Hero arms i'ch' World above ;
Some faid, it Thunder'd ; others, this and that;
Ev'ry one fear'd, but not a Man knew what :
Till at the laft, a little calmer grown.
Again we liilen'd, then fpoke one by one;
Began to tliiiik, and temp'rately debate.
What we were beil to do in this Eftate.
The major Fate was, quickly to retire,
Which ahb thofe oppos'd it, did defire ;
Tho', in the End, we all agreed to fee
What thc^ri'fl/ Cat/fe of \h.is Jirange Noife might be:
Nor were we long in doubt; for, e're we had
But twenty Paces further Progrefs made,
Before our Eyes we faw it plain appear.
And then were out of Count'' nc.nce at our Fear.
On the right Hand our open Pafiage lies.
Where once again the Roof decs Hoping rife
In n ftcep, craggy, and a lubrick Shore,
As high, at Icalt, as any where before;
Where, from the very Top of all the/////,
A murm'ring Fountain does her Streams diftil ;
Which, thence defcending with a headlong Waxe^
Roars in remoter Vv ir.dings of the Caue ;
Tho' here it dees in gentle Whifpers brawl
Thro' little Stones, and is fcarce heard at ail.
The Water falling down fo filcnt here.
And roaring louder than the Thunderer,
At a remoter Dillance, feems, as if
The Cryjial Stream, that tricltlcs from the Cl-J",
Were
334 ^^^ WoNDERS" >
Were a Catarh, that falling from the Brain,
Upon his leathern Lungs, did thus conftraia
The Fiend to cough fo very loud, and rear
His Marble Throat, and fright th' Adventurer,
But, if this liquid Ca-ve does any where
Deferve the Title of a Grot, 'tis here :
For here, as from her Urn, the Nymph does pour,
The Water breaks on Rocks in fuch a Show'r,
Sparkling quite round the Place, as made us doubt,
'Twould hazard fpitting all our Caudles out;
Which, hadit happen'd fo, we fairly might
Have bid unto the World a long good-Night :
Wherefore it did concern us to make hafte.
And thus we have the third fam'd River pad.
Up the old Channel iWll we forward tend,
Won'd'ring, and longing v,'hen our Search Ihould end ;
For we are all grown weary of the Night,
And wifn'd to fee the long-forfaken Light,
And, Reader, now the happy Time draws near
To end your Trouble, as it did our Fear ;
For many Paces more we had not gone.
Before we came to a large Vault of Stone,
Curicuiiv arch'd, and wall'd on either Side,
Some thirty Paces long, and thirteen wide.
Scarce ten Foot high, which does deprive the Place
Unhappily of due Proportion^?, Grace.
This full of Water (lands, but yet fo clear,
That thoro' it the Bottom does appear
So fmooth, and even laid with glitt'rlng Sand,
That the moft tim'rcus will not make a Stand,
But boldly Heps into't to fee the End
To which all the fo flrange Meanders tend ;
The
cf the P E A K E. 335
The firft Step's Ancle-deep, the next may be
To the Mid-leg, and no where part the Knee,
Saving, that at the very End of all.
Where the Rock meets us with an even Wall,
Under the Foot, and In ihe midft of it,
There is n pretty Scmi-circ'lar Pit,
About foine four Foot wide, and fix Foot deep.
Which underneath the I'aJJs dipping fteep,
And the impending Rock, at leaft, three Foot,
Defcending with a fliarp round Pcake into't.
Shuts up tlie Ca-jCy and, witli our own Defirs
Kindly complying, bids us to retire.
Nor did we there make any longer Stay,
Than only Hooping with our Sticks t' efTiy,
If pottering this, and that Way, we could find
How deep it went, or which AVay it did wind,
Tho' 'twas in vain : For the low bended Red
Did thofe ridiculous Endeavours mock.
This the fourth /?ix'<'/- is, altho' of more
Than three, and one unfordable, before
None ever heard ; arid if a further Shore
Belong to this, none ever pafl: it o'er ;
Nothing with Legs and Arms can come unto't.
They mull be Fi/is, and 'lis a Fijl> mull do't.
But I am v.'cll afTur'd, none ever was
Till novyf fo far in this unv/holfomc Place ;
From whence with Fallj and Knocks, tho' almoll lame.
We fafter much retreated, than we came ;
And mcas'ring it, as we return'd again,
Found it five hundred Paces by the Chain.
We now once more behold- the chearful Sun^
Aiid, of;e*ivpuId ikiiik, 'twere time we here had rt^///^.
But,
33^ ^^6 WONDE RS
But e're I go, I muft one Story tell
Conceras the Place; To great a Miracle,
As caa't omitted be without Offence
It being an Effeft of Providence.
The Tooi^V that Hands on Tip-t:e in the Air
And o'er the Channel perpendicular,
Is on a Hill by't felF, tho' not fo hi<^h,
By inhnite Degrees, as one clofe by,
A narrow Falley interpos'd bet\veen.
But this is all a Crag, the other, o-reen
On ev'ry Side fronTthis old Cajile down.
Is perfea CliJ', e.vcept towards the Town,
V/here the Afcent is fteep ; but in the Rock,
Forc'd by the pond 'reus Hain-msr^ cciqzt-'ring Stroaky
A winding V/ay, from the rough Mcii,uai>i's Foot, *
Was made the only J'venue unto'tT
*Tis true, that, juft over the Cave, the Hi/I
In an extended Ridge continues frill :
But to fo fmall a AVer's contrafted there,
The To^er blocks the P^/s ap with one Square :
And yet that once there has a Pajfage been
Into the Fort tJiis Way is to be feen.
By Ribs of Arcbei ftanding of Free- Hone,
On which a Bridge has formerly been thrown.
Over a G/-^^ parts the Hill's double Cro-zvfi :
But if by ^/-/, or Kafttrc, made, not known,
For it with Doch and T/jiJi/es is o'ergrown.
On oneFIand of this Bridge, a Clif doth fall
O'er the Cave's Mouth, fteepas a j,er/>e»d W .^ ;
On t'other Hand one, very neai- as fteep
Looks down into the Fule, but not fo deep j
1
For
I
of the PE AKE. 337
For I am moll affiir'd, that we did go
Under the /Wf, when in the Ca've below;
And the whole Dillance not twelve Paces is
Betwixt the one and t'other Precipice.
This Valley (which by the * Caveh-^u.-ayu known)
Is one of the chief Pafles to the ToKvn,
And where it more remotely does begin
Gently to dimple thefe two Hills between.
Falls with fo eafy a Defcent, as ne'er
Could trouble the moll Southern Traveller :
But, that o'er-llipt, his Neck mull dearly pay
The Ralhnefs, if he will attempt that Way.
A Cctuitry Fell<mtj fome Years fince, who was
Nothing a Stranger to the tickle Pafs,
Be'ng by his Mujier fent fome Friends to guide
O'er thofe wild Mountains of the Forell wide.
By them was fo rewarded, as to make
Him, who had guided them, his Way miilake :
For coming back, when Night the Day had clos'd,
Carelefs, and drunk enough, may be fuppos'd,
He learnedly the Pafs did .ovcrflioot.
Thinking he was not yet arriv'd unto't :
But trotted on along the Mountain's Ridge,
Until he came almoll unto the Bridge
Clofe by the To-iv^r^ which, tho' it cculd not be
Thirty Yards ofF, it feems, he could not fee;
To that Degree, either the Mijls or Night,
Or his Potation, did obllruft liis Sight,
• The Valley en the Back-fide of the Caftle, calVd the
Cave, and the Cave'/-way.
p But
3^8 The Wonders
But here he thought to turn into the Fale^
-\ltho' his Mare, who, ha\ino had no J!e,
Was unto both their Safeties more awake.
At firll refus'd the dang'rous Step to take ;
Like unto peevlfh Balaam^ faithful J/i,
Who more clear-fighted than the Prophet was,
Proving his Rider fo, for once, at leaft,
li not the greater Jfs, the greater Bcajl :
But being fpurr'd up to the Place again,
Angry, it feems, her Counfel was not ta'en,
She took a greater Leap, againft her Will,
Than Peg^/us from t' other Bi-top Hill,
With all th' Advantage that he had of ff-'i/ig.
When from his Pinch ftarted the Poet's Spri?;g ;
And from t\iC gidiiy Height, the Lord knew ^ivhithcr,
Down with a Vengance they both went together ;
Where they did part, himfelf could ne'er declare,
"\i on feme Rub by th' Way, or in the Air :
Bui: at the Bottom he was left for dead,
\Vith a eood Mar.ormuhim on his Head,
That laid him fo aflecp , he did not wake
Till wiih the Cold his Bones began to ake : "■
And then he ftirr'd, rolling his heavy Eye
Towards the Vault of the enamell'd Sky,
Which row thick fet with fparkling Stars he fees.
That but of late had been no Friends of his ;
And, by the Favour of the twinkling Light,
The C^Jile too appear'd above in Sight ;
By which he faintly recollefttd where
His WorJIAp was, tho' not how he came there :
But this fmall Senfc did opportunely come
Id help him make a Ihift to flumble Home.
Tlu-
Jl
of the P E AKE. 339
Thither he comes, and knocking at the Door
(The' not fo hard as he was knock'd before)
His Mailer hears at firft, and cries, Who's there?
iVhy (poorly, cries the other) / am here.
Up llarts the Mafter ftr.iight, and lets him in ;
/'//&' Name of God (quoth he) •■where haji thou hlit^
That thoiirt thus hte ? To which the wife Reply
Was this, Nay, Majier-, ivhat the DeeH kno-iv I !
B Ht fomeivhere I have had u Iwigeous FaiM
Vmfure o' that, and, MaJJer, that^s nect a^c.
A Ciindlc then was lio-hted, when his Sconce
Did rcprefent Raxv-hcad and Bloody-bones.
A luiigeous Fall indeed, the Mailer faid,
''The -very Looks •would make a Mai: afraid ;
Thou haji drunk deep thy Hogs -head on the Tilt,
B.tt ivhere's my Mare ? No matter ijuherc, hoo\< kilt.
Replies the Man, /'//>' Mominck fend, andfee^
The De-vil'% Polder go ix:ith thefe Torrs for me.
His Datne was call'd, and he fjon got to Bed,
Where fhe did %vafi} and drefs his great Calves-head
So well, that in the Morning 'twas his Care
To go, and^ffrt, not to fetch home his Marc :
Bvit Ihe had fhar'd his Fortune, and was found
Grazing within the ^'alley fafe and found.
Sans Hurt, or Blcmifh, fave a little Strip
Of Hair and Skin rippled upon her Hip.
The Hat, Saddle, and Cloth, denoted well.
As they were fcatter'd, found jull where they fell ;
And yet, as oft as I the Place do view,
I fcarcc believe, altho' I know this true :
But whofoe'er fhall happen to come there.
Will not reprove what I've deliver'd here j
P 2 Since
34^ ^he Wonders
Since with his Eyes he may the Place behold,
And hear this Truth affirni'd that I have told.
Southivard hom hence ten Miles, where Z)^>"u'f»/ laves
His broken Shores with never-clearino- Waves,
'i'here Hands a fiately and ftupendous * Pile,
Like the proud Regeizt of the Britijh Ille,
Shedding her Beams over the barren Vale,
Which elfe bleak Winds and nipping Frojis aflail
Wiih fuch perpetual PFar, there would appear
Nothing but Whiter y ten iVionths of the Year.
This Palace, v/ith wild Profpeds girded round.
Stands in the middlc^of a falling Ground,
At a black Mountain'% Foot, whofe craggy Brow
Secures from Eaftem Tempejis all below ;
Under v/hofe Shelter Trees and Flo^jcers grow,
With early BloJJcms, maugre native Snow ;
Which clfewhere round a Tyranny maintains,
And binds cramp'd Nature long in Cryjlal Chains.
The FaBrick's noble Front faces the Pejiy
Turning her fair broad Shoulders to the Eaji ;
On the South-Jide the ftatcly Gardens lie,
Where the fcorn'd Penke rivals proud Italy ;
And on the North feveral inferior Blots,
For fervile Ufe fcatter'd, do lie in Spots.
The outward G^/i? ftands near enough to look
Her O'val Front in the objected Brook ;
Chatfworth,, the Seventh Wonder.
But
of the P E A K F.. 341
But that (he has better Reflcifllon
From a large Mirror nearer of her own ;
For a fair Lake, from Wafh oi Floods unraixt
Before it lies in Jrea fpread betwixt.
Over this Poncf, oppofite to the Gate
A Bridge of a quaint vStruclure, Strength, and Srate,
Invites you to pafs over it, where, dry.
You trample may on Shoals of wanton Fry,
With which thofe breeding Waters do abound.
And better Carps are no where to be found.
A Tow'r o{ Antique Model the Bridge Foot
From the P eake-r a/: f-le ^oc% fecurely fhut.
Which, by Stone ftairs delivers you below
Into the fwectell Walks the World can fiipw.
There Wood iLwd^rater J Sun and. Shade, contend.
Which fhall the noil delight, and moH befrie4id j
Tiicre Grafs and Grat'el in one i ath you meet,
For Ladies tender, and Mens harder Feet.
Here into open Lakes the Sun may pry,
A Privilege the cloHr Groves deny ;
Or, if confed'ratc Winds do make them yield.
He then but chequers what he cannot gild.
The Ponds, which here in double Order Ihine,
Are fome of them f> large, and all fo fine,
That Ni/tu/tc in hii Progrcfs once did pleafe
To frollck \\\ thcfc Art:Ji,it:l Seas ;
Of which a noble Monument \\c find.
His Roy:tl Chariot left, it fc ms, behind ;
Whofc Wheels and Body mcor'd up with a Chain,
Like Drake's old Hulk at De/tford, Hill remain.
No Place on h'arth wa^ I'er difcovcr'd yet,
For Coniemplution, or Delight, fo fit j
P 3 Tfie
342 The Wonders
The Cro-ucs, whofe curkd Brovjs fliade every Lake,
Do ev'ry-where fqch waving La^idjhips make.
As Painters baffled Art is far above,
Who Wiinies and Leaves could never yet make move.
Hither the warbling People of the Air
From their remoter Colonies repair.
And in the Shades, now fetting up their Refts,
Like de/ar's S^dvi/s, burn their old native Neib ;
The Mu/es too perch on the bending Sprays,
And in thefe Thickets chan'- their charming Lays :
No Wonder then, if the * Heroick Song,
That here took Birth and Voice, do flourifh long.
To view from hence the glitt'ring Pile above,
(Which muft at once Wonder create and Loa'c)
Environ'd round with Nature's Shames and Ills,
Black Heaths, wild Rock, bleak Crags, and naked Hills,
And the whole ProfpeSt fo inform and rude.
Who is it, but muft prefently conclude.
That this is Paradifsy which feated ftands
In midft of De/arts, and of barren Sands ?
iio a bright Diamond would look, if fet
la a vile Socket of ignoble Jet ;
And fuch a Face the new-born Nature took.
When out of Cbaos by the Fiat ftruck.
Doubtlefs, if any where, there never yet
So brave a Stniilwe on fuch Ground was fet.
Which, fure, \\\q Fonndrefs\)\xAx., to reconcile
This to the other Members of the IJle,
* M. Hobbs de Mir. Pec.
, And
of the PEAK E. 343
And would, therein, firft her own Grandeur fhow,
And then what Jrt could, fpitc of Nature, do.
Eut let me lead you in, 'tis worth the P.iins,
T'xamine what this Princely Hou/e contains ;
Which, if without fo glorious to be fcen.
Honour and Virtue make it Ihine within.
The fore-nam'd Outn.uard Gate then leads Into
A fpacious Court, whence open to the View
The noble Front of the whole Edifice.,
In a furprizing Height, it, feen to rife.
Ev'n with the Gnte-houfe, upon either Hand
A neat fquare Turret in the Corners Hand;
On each Side Plates of ever-fprlnging Green,
With an afcending Pavior-Walk between,
In X.\ve green Flat which on the Right-hand lies,
A Fountain of Grange Strufture high doth rife.
Upon whofe tender Top, there is a vaft,
I'd almoft faid, prodigious Bafon plac'd ;
And, without doubt, the Mc^/f/ of this Pw^
Came forth from other Place than Rome or Greece,
For fuch a Sea, fufpended in the Air,
I never faw in any Place, but there ;
Which fhould it break, or fall, 1 doubt, we ftiou'd
Begin to reckon from the fecond Flood.
Tho' this divert the Eye, yet all the while
Your Feet flill move toward the attraftive Pile,
Till fair round Stairs, fome fifteen Grilles high.
Land you upon a TerraJ's, that doth lie
Of goodly Breadth along the Buildings, fquare.
Well pav'd, and fenc'd with Rail and Balufier :
From hence in. fome three Steps, the inner-Gate
Rifcs in greater Beauty, Art, and State,
P 4 Than
344 ^'^^ W C N D E R s
Than the proad Palace of the Sun, and all
Vain Poets ftufF vainer ^c-Wi^^rf withal.
A v'Ice thut much the GallkkMufe infefts.
And, of good ff filers , makes vile Jrc/jz'teas ,
This to the Lot/ge admits, and two Steps more
Set you upon a level j^xler Floor, ' '^'
Which paves the inner Ccurf, a carious Place
Form'd by the am'rous S/ruJFure's kind Embrace.
I'th' Center of this fhady Court doth rife
Another Fountain, of a quaint Device,
Which large- limb'd Heroes, with majeflick Port,
In their Habiliments of War, fupport.
Hence, crofs the Court, thro' a fine Portico,
Into the Body of the Houfe you go.
Where a proud Hall does net at all abate
Any thing promised by the outward State,
And where the Readtr, we in treat, will pleafe.
By the large Foot, to meafure Hercules :
For, fure, a vain and endlefs Work it were
T' infift upon ev'ry Particular.
And ihould I be fo mad to go about
To give account of ev'ry thing throuo-hout.
The Rooms cf State, Stair-Cafes, Galleries y
Lodgings, Apartments, Clofets, Offces ;
Or to defcribe the Splendors undertake.
Which ev'ry glorious Room a Heaven make;
The Piiiurcs, Sculjiure, Carding, Graving, Gilding ;
'Twould be as long in Writing as in Building.
'Yet, Chatfwcrth, tho' thy Prijline Lin'aments
W^re Beautiful and Great to all Intents,
1 needs muft fay, for I have feen boih Faces,
Thou'rt much more lovely in the modem Graces
Thy
of the PEAK E. 34;
Thy now great * Mijirc/s has adorn'd thee in.
Than when thought^.';^ enough to hold a f ^tcen.
Thy X Foundrcfs drefs'd thee in fjch Probes as they
In thofe old-falliion'd Times reputed gay ;
Of kvhich new-llript, and the old rufling Pndc
Of iJ/f/Tand Farthingale TlQ^ laid a/idc,
Thy Shapes appear, and thou thyfelf art fecn
A very Chrijiian, and a t.-icdijh Queen ;
Which (though old Friends fart til) is Recompcnc^c
For a few Goth and Vandal Ornaments j
And all thefe Glories glitter to the Sight
By the Advantage of a clearer Light.
Tlie Gla&itirs Work before fubftantial was,
I mull confefs, thrice as much Lead as GlaA,
Whicli, in the Syxn's Meridian, cafl a Light,
As it had been within an Hour of Night.
The Windows now look like fo many Suns,
Illullratins: the noble Room at once:
The primiti've Cafemmts modcll'd were, no doubt,
By that thro' which the Figion ivaj thrufi out.
Where now whole Sajhcs are but one great iTjf,
T'examine and admire thy Beauties by.
And, if we hence look out, we fhall fee there
The Gardens too i'th' Reformation Ihare,
Upon a Tcrrafs, as moll Houfcs high,
Tho' from this Profpeft humble to your Eye;
* The then Count cfs o/"Devon{hirc.
f The lateen cf Scois .
i The Countejs r/Shrcwlbury.
Aftate-
54^ ^^^ Wonders
A flntely Plut, both regul ;r and vaft^
Suiting the reft, was by the Found-.-cfs cart.
In thofe incurious Times, under the Rofe,
Defign'd, as one may faucily fupnofe.
For Lillies; Pioftes, Daffodils, and Rc/es,
To garnifli Chimnies, and make Sunday -Po/ies,
Where Goofeberrks, as good as ever grew, T
'Tis like, were fet ; for Whiter-grecns, the Ye'vj-, ^
Holly i and Box : For then thefe Things were new. J
With, oh ! the hoaeft Rofemary and Bays,
So much efteem'd in thofe good PP'aJ/el-'Dzy^.
Now in t'.ie middle of this great Parterre
A Fountain darts her Streams into the Air
Twenty Foot high ; till by the Winds deprefu'd.
Unable longer upwards to conteft.
They fall again in Tears, for Grief and Ire
They cannot reach the Place they did afpire;
As if the Sun melted the waxen Wings
Oi i\ie(e Icarian temerarious Springs,
For braving thus his generative Ray,
When their true Motion lies another Way,
Th' ambitious Element, repulfed fo,
Rallies, and foves her routed Waves below.
In a large Ba/on of Diameter,
Such as old Rome^s expenfive Lakes did bear.
Where a Pacif.ck Sea expanded lies,
A Licjuid Theatre for Naumachies ;
And where, in cafe of fuch a Pageaytt-'^iit
Romans in Statue lUU Spectators are.
Where
cf the PEA K E. 347
Where the Ground fwclls nearer the Hill above,
Aiid where once Hood a * Crag and Cherry-Grove,
(Which ot'Reuoivn then fhar'd a mighty Part)
Inftead of loch a barb'rous Piece ai Art,
iiuch poor contriv'd dvvarhlh and ragged Shades,
' ris now adorn'd with Fountaim and Cajc^ides,
Tcrrajs on Terrafs witli their Stair-Cafes
Of brave and great Contrivance ; and to thefc
Statues, Walks, Grafs-phits, and a Gro-ve indeed.
Where filent Lovers may lie down and bleed.
And tho' all Things were, for that /^ge, before
In trudi fo Great, that nothing could be more;
Yet now they with much greater Ludre lland,
Touch'd up and finifh'd by a better Hand.
But that which Cronjons all this, and does impart
A Luilre far beyond the Pow'r o^ Art,
Is the great Q\<jtier, lie, whole noble Mind
For fuch a Fortune only was dcfign'd :
Whofe Bounties, as the Ocean ^ Bofom wide.
Flow in a conftanc unexhaufted Tide
Of Hofpitaitiy and free Acce/s,
Liberal Condffcenjion, Chearfulnefs,
Hojiour and Truth, as ev'ry of them ftrove
At once to captivate Refpecl and Love :
And with fuch Order all perform'd, and Grace,
As rivet Wonder to the llately Place.
* An artijicial Rock, ft called.
But
L.
348 'I'he Wonders
But I muH give my Mufe the Hola here,
Rcfped mud check her in the wild Career ;
For, when we impudently do commend,
The Thing well meant, ill done, rauft needs offend :
His Virtues are above my Charafter,
Too great for Fame to fpeak, or Ferfz to bear.
F 1 N 1 S.
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