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BROTHER JONATHAN,

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION,

BY HUGO PLAYFAIR.

IN THREE VOLUMES.
VOL. II.

LONDON ;

SAUNDERS AND OTLEY, CONDUIT STREET.
1814.

BROTHER JONATHAN,

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION.

CHAPTER I.

CITY OF WILLIAM PENN.

" Every Philadelphia!! has a right to be proud of the
foundation, rand founder of his state. Never was an enter-
prise more wisely and happily conducted. It was the first
time the world had ever seen an individual of commanding
influence and station, acting so decidedly upon the Christian
principle, that no man can serve his own interests so well, as
by serving others." — American Review.

Playfair, Profundus, and the Major,
arrived with little delay, and much pleased with
their journey, at Philadelphia.

This is a planned town : built according
to the rectangular plan of its illustrious foun-
der, the great and good William Penn. He

VOL. II* B

M198G36

4 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

In the first place his conciliatory treaties with
the red warriors, of whom, after giving an af-
fecting account of that race, he says, " Do not
abuse them, but let them have justice, and you

ter. Some of the most dishonest characters, and loafers
(swindlers) have infested for some time this otherwise sacredly
just city. The act of the legislature of Pennsylvania, prohi-
biting the payment, under certain limits, of the dividends of
the United States' Bank, has been one of the most pernicious
of public measures ever recorded in the State. A correspond-
ent of the New York Herald writes from England, as late as

June, 1840 —

" Mr. Biddle's speech, delivered at the opening of the Tide
Water Canal, at Havre-de-Grace, is printed in the London
Morning Post, without comment. American securities are still
degraded and decried in England, and have no sale in the mar.
ket. We are sadly abused, and misrepresented by fools,
bigots, monarchists, and speculators in funds. The unfortu-
nate act of Pennsylvania, last winter, or of a temporary
faction of that state, is held up as a damning proof of our
dishonesty, and of our disposition and intention to cheat all
our European creditors; and the blame they affix to Penn-
sylvania attaches to all the states, and the whole American
people. They say here, ' If Pennsylvania, one of your oldest
and most respectable states, refused to pay us our interest
may not the other states do the same thing ?' But you reply
1 This was only the work of a faction, and only temporary.'
' True,' say they ; « but may not a faction in other states gain
the power, and do the same thing ?' It is hard to argue
against this most unfortunate step of Pennsylvania. The
Loco-focos of Pennsylvania may take upon themselves the honour
of having done our institutions, and our financial credit in
Europe, more discredit and dishonour than a five years' war
could have done." — Editor.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 5

win them,5' might have been practised within the
last eight years towards the Indians of Florida,
with an effect which would probably have pre-
vented the horrible massacres on both sides
which almost every day conveys an account of
from the south.

With the founder of Pennsylvania, the mea-
sures he adopted, and his demeanour towards
the Aborigines were wise, and so happy that it
became a maxim among them, iC never to lift
the tomahawk against the race of William
Penn."

Thus was his colony secured, from the first,
against the most terrible calamity which had
once exterminated, and long harassed that of
Virginia, and afflicted and kept all the others in
a state of alarm.*

* With reference to the name given to the colony, Penn
writes on 5th January, 1681 — " This day, after many waitings,
watchings, solicitings, and disputes in councils'my country was
confirmed to me under the great seal of England, with large
powers and privileges, hy the name of Pennsylvania ; a name
the king would give it in honour of my father. I chose New
Wales, being a hilly country ; and when the secretary, being a
Welshman, refused to call it New Wales, I proposed Sylvania,
and they added Penn to it, though I much opposed it, and went
to the king to have it struck out. He said it was past and
would take it upon him ; nor could twenty guineas move the

6 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

The country of William Perm, was called the
" Poor Man's Paradise. "Poverty was unknown
in all its borders. The pleasant villages on the
eastern side of the Delaware, welcomed the vir-
tuous exile with a homely and cordial welcome :
and there was so little of bigoted human nature
in these adventurers, that they were unequivo-
cally and magnanimously tolerant, when all the
rest of the human family was engaged in re-
ligious persecutions.

It was remarkable that such a person should
have come from the halls of a slavish court, —
and under the authority of an arbitrary king,
and establish a state with the single-hearted
ambition "to show men as free and as happy
as they could be." It may be even doubted
whether his institutions were not more mild
than his colonists were fitted to enjoy : cer-
tainly, the privileges which he gave them were

under secretary to vary the name (bribes were then common'),
for I feared it should be looked on as a vanity in me and not
as a respect in the king to my father, as it really was. Thou
may'st communicate my grant to friends, and expect shortly
my proposals. 'Tis a dear and just thing ; and my God, who
has given it me through many difficulties, will, I believe, bless
and make it the seed of a nation. I shall take a tender care to
the government that it be well laid first."

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. /

not always used as gratitude would have di-
rected.

His laws and instructions were certainly not
to favour evil doers : " for all prisons/' said he,
" will be workhouses." On examining the laws
of Pennsylvania, we are immediately struck
with the remarks of chancellor Kent, one of, if
not, the most eminent American writers on
jurisprudence : speaking of an English law-
book,* he observes, u The Pennsylvanian lawyer
cannot but be struck on the perusal of this
work— equally remarkable for profound know-
ledge, and condensed thought — with the analogy
between his proposed improvements, and of
all essential reforms in the English laws, sug-
gested by the greatest reformers of the law in
England, and the long familiar practice of Penn-
sylvania.f

There have been lately some revisions in
these laws, — if possible, they are improve-
ments,— which go still further to secure the
object of "uniform justice ."

* Humphreys on Real Proper ty.

t Among other practices that of recognising foreign letters
of administration has heen in force since the days of Penn.
It is almost peculiar to Pennsylvania.

8 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE ^

"Whilst these laws/' says an anonymous
American writer, "are held sacred, and not
even a majority can invade them, we have a
bulwark more effectual in guarding liberty and
preventing the intrusion of wild and dangerous
reforms than that possessed in the institutions
of any other nation under heaven/'

It is not, however, sufficient to have good
laws, but these must be obeyed, as they gene-
rally have been in Pennsylvania, Where they
are not, the courts should have more power, as
well as the authority to enforce them. This is
vital to. the honour and safety of America. Yet
the Loco-focos, tvorkies, universal levellers, mob-
law men, and other wild anarchists, would
destroy even the feeble power now possessed,
for executing the laws, from the courts of jus-
tice.

" And sovereign law the states collected will
O'er thrones and globes elate,
Sits empress, crowning good, repressing ill.
Smit by her/rown

The fiend distraction like a vapour shrinks
And e'en the dazzling crown
Hides her faint rays, and at her bidding sinks."

Sir W. Jones.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION.

CHAPTER II.

QUAKERISM.

" The character of William Penn — like that of an American
autumn — mild — calm — bright — abounding in good fruits." —
Anniversary Toast.

The character of William Penn, and the
habits and principles of Quakerism, have
breathed an atmosphere of peculiar but not
indolent repose over Philadelphia. It has no-
thing of the melancholy grandeur and decay,
so impressive in the old provincial capitals of
France, nor the churchyard-like silence of nearly
all the capitals of Germany.

It is indeed u like an American autumn — mild
— calm — bright — abounding in good fruits."
The Quakers are a happy people, they are never
B 3

10 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

idle, they are constant in their occupations ; but
tnere is nothing in their character that resembles
the pushing, the' competition, the restless go-a-
head work, of the Yankees, nor are there on
earth two cities more unlike than New York
and Philadelphia. Dishonest men have, how-
ever, assumed the dress and language of the
" friends5' for no purpose but to overreach
others in their dealings. Yet the navigation
and commerce of Philadelphia is of immense
extent and value. Its local activity, however, is
confined to the street next the river, and to the
shipping. The packet-ships of this city, many
of which may at all times be seen in the docks
of London, Liverpool, Bristol, Hamburg, Rot-
terdam, and Havre, are splendid vessels. The
steam-boats are numerous and magnificent.
The stages, or public conveyances that start
from Philadelphia, the best in the Union. All
the operations connected with ships, steam-boats
and stage-coaches, are carried forward without
interruption, but with a tranquillity quite as-
tonishing. This all arises from the general
spirit of order ; that is, doing every thing with-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 11

out confusion, in the proper time and place, and
without delay. Did you ever see a Frenchman
who could practise this ?

We do not find the society of Quakers here
by any means so dull as they are usually repre-
sented. On the contrary they are intelligent,
and on all matters of utility communicative^
Their domestic circle, with their excellent wives
and beautiful daughters, both of whom are so
prettily dressed, and so unlike the dashery which
a mere hundred thousand dollar man^s wife and
daughters display in Broadway, New York.
But there is much and excellent society here
besides that of the Quaker families, although
the latter, from being the first established, has
shed something of its simplicity over the whole.

Here are literary and scientific meetings, in
rotation at each others houses, and to which
foreigners of good character, once introduced,
are ever welcome. Literature, science, the
arts, politics, discoveries, &c, form the subjects
of discourse. These meetings are remarkably
agreeable and instructive, and do not partake
of that pedantry from which those of Boston are

12 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

not free. Ladies, it is to be regretted, are
seldom, if ever, at these interesting and hos-
pitable parties, which are always crowned with
an excellent supper.

The streets of Philadelphia are uninviting.
They are nearly all alike; but 'Chesnut-street,
the best built, is the most animated, and the
excellent library of Carey and Lea, is a fashion-
able and agreeable lounge.

We love to saunter along the streets ; — but
we like picturesque streets the best. Here they
are so clean that carriages are unnecessary, and
the latter are consequently more scarce than at
New York. After visiting the institutions, you
look out for such dwellings or houses as are re-
markable, not certainly for their architecture,
but for their being consecrated by those who
have been within them. There still stands the
gray-covered house which sheltered William
Penn. Here rises the hall in which the decla-
ration of independence was signed, -r Yonder
Benjamin Franklin worked as a journeyman
printer. — Here he afterwards lived as a states-
man and philosopher.— That window admits

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 13

light into the room in which Jefferson wrote. —
There, is a little shop in which a character less
to be envied sold cigars and prepared coffee.* —
Turn round the corner and you come to the
house in which a countryman of his, whom
Philadelphia will, and perhaps will not, de-
light to honour — the eccentric, money-making,
honest Girard dwelt.

* Talleyrand. A noble French exile then in America, was,
it is related, one day passing a little shop in Philadelphia and
observing a man within with his shirt-sleeves rolled up his
arms, grinding coffee, whose resemblance to the ex-Bishop of
Autun was so striking that the former entered the pigmy shop,
where he found the veritable Simon Pure, keeping a small
grocery shop, and making a living in that way. " I have pity,

indeed I have pity for you," said the Duke de R . " I have

pity for you," replied Talleyrand, " that your soul should be
reduced, or not be superior, to such a state of feeling; — for my
parti have long since brought my feelings and mind into such
tranquillity of thought and action that I can turn a coffee-mill
or an empire with equal composure."— Editor.

14 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER III.

GIRARD.

" Then plough deep while sluggard's sleep,
And thou shalt have corn to sell and to keep."

Poor Richard.

ee The strong exertion of reason/5 says a
writer in the American Review, " which is so
essential an element of commercial success, is
often averse to, and incompatible with the more
amiable qualities of the heart ;* nay, sympathy
for the distresses, and anxiety to promote the
advantages of others may even be the cause of
those errors of judgment which diminish profit
or cause destructive losses."

From feebleness of this kind, Stephen Girard

* We often, hut not generally, observe this in England.
There was a Liverpool hanker, who died enormously rich,
under the excruciating delirium of belief that he should
spend years in a poorhouse, and who was quite a puritan
in his religious observances, but such a heartless wretch that
when the poor widow of a man who had once been of service
to the banker, applied to him for some trifle to buy a loaf for
her children, he bade her to be off with a religious tract which
he handed her. Generally, however, the English merchant
has, like the American, a generous heart.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 15

was free, and in the aid which he frequently-
conferred on others, he carefully avoided that
imprudent exertion of kindness which injures
the bestower without being of any real benefit
to the receiver.

Girard was a native of France. He arrived
in America as a poor sea-boy — an apprentice. —
He became a shop-boy, or was employed in
some such way. He commenced business on
his own account by preparing hung or smoked
beef, and exporting it to the West Indies. He
gradually rose to be a merchant and a ship-
owner. He never insured his own ships or car-
goes, but was frequently an underwriter for the
property of others, thus running all risks. He
finally counted his mansions and his ships by
scores. His character remained a mystery to
others. He possessed one large square of
land, — and yet did not, as all other money-
making people would have done, build on it.
Those who knew him best, could only say, that
although never for a moment inattentive to the
pursuits of gain, and although living with his
enormous wealth, in a manner which bordered on
the miserly character, he nevertheless exercised

16 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

benevolence of the most useful and active kind.
When during the sad years of pestilence at Phila-
delphia, he could not procure the services of atten-
dants and nurses for money, he portioned some
of his hours daily to officiating at the hospitals.

He died worth about four millions sterling.
A quarter of this he willed in legacies to his
relatives. On Philadelphia he settled two mil-
lions and a half! What, with this enormous
sum, will not the city of William Penn become ?

Half a million he left to found, on the
square which people were surprised he had not
turned to profitable use by building on it, — a
school and college for the maintenance and
education of poor orphans. He had the maxim
of Von Fellenberg long in his mind, that crimes
were the consequence of poverty and a false
education, and, carrying his ideas still further,
that religious bigotry was another chief source
of contention and unhappiness, — he has prohi-
bited a theological class, or clergyman of any
persuasion, within the institution which he has
so munificently founded. Thus leaving the
worship of the Most High free to the conscien-
tious scruples and convictions of all.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. If

CHAPTER IV.

BALTIMORE.

" Speed the arts which speed the plough,
Which speed the keel which Jack built."

American Toast.

Playfair, Profundus, and even the Major,
being anxious to visit Maryland, and afterwards
Virginia, without stopping at Washington until
they met there during the next sitting of con-
gress, they accordingly first halted at Balti-
more.

This is one of the most active seaports of the
Union. Flour and tobacco enrich its mer-
chants, and the art of navigation and foreign
commerce speed the plough, or rather the hoe
of the planters, who in their turn furnish the

18 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

produce which speeds the keels of the ships and
clippers of Baltimore.

Maryland may in truth be, altogether, ex-
cept the towns, called a tobacco and corn
growing country, and the inhabitants are con-
sidered in their manners and characters a
juste milieu, between the Pennsylvanians and
Virginians. Here only in America, the Jews
have no vote. Here, what may be said of
slavery in Virginia is fully applicable. Here
also the Roman Catholic religion prevails, —
and here, consequently, there is less rigidity of
expression, less prudery than in the northern
states. Here you are in town and country
welcomed with the most cordial hospitality.
The veriest Yankee can only " go ahead" in
Baltimore by relaxing the straight lines of his
countenance. In truth, so warm-hearted, so
cheerful, so easy to fraternize with, did our
travellers find the citizens of Baltimore, that it
was somewhat difficult to withdraw the major
from its conviviality.

Dinner invitations were sent to them, not
only for each day, but frequently very many for

SMARTEST NATION IX ALL CREATION. 19

the same day. You have heard of Glasgow
dinners, and Glasgow punch-drinking, but they
are no more to be compared with Baltimore
dinners, and Baltimore quaffing, than the Clyde
is to the Chesapeake. Then, their enjoyment,
free of dry utilitarianism, of sitting over dessert
and madeira, and port and claret, the major's
stoiies, the Irish humour of a Colonel Nixon,
whose station was Essequibo, but whom Balti-
more hospitality arrested on his way from a
northern British colony, where he had gone for
a season to mend his liver, made them all
regret leaving Baltimore. They met another
character much in society there, namely, Father
Fitz, a Catholic priest, who had moved south
from intolerance in the north, and now found a
chapel and a congregation at Baltimore. He
was a most jovial soul at table. He also had
officiated in the British colonies at Newfound-
land, and at Prince Edward Island, where he
was worth a hundred " Justices of the Peace,"
in maintaining good behaviour among the
crowds of Irish emigrants and labourers who
flock to those colonies. He told them stories,

20 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

good ones too, at the chapel-door, and often
chastised them over their shoulders with a grate
big shilalah when they misbehaved in the dram-
shop or in the street. He had much more of the
same kind of magisterial than of sacerdotal duty
to perform among his countrymen who throng
the streets of Baltimore, and who compete so
thoroughly with slave labour, that there is some
hope of the last being suppressed by that most
hardworking of drudges — Pat.

" Yesterday," says Playfair, * we dined with
an old bachelor, a Johnston, native of Dum-
frieshire, one of the best tellers of a plain story,
except perhaps Sir Walter Scott, whom I ever
knew.

" Johnston was clanish, and we had other
Scotsmen, Camerons, Campbells, Macdonalds,
Mackays, Mackenzies, and Macgregors; yet
we had English and Irish too at table, all good
and true in their respective characters. The
dinner was superb, and as for the decanters,
they did not indeed go round in slow, but in
quick marching order. The toasts were spirited,
and savoured not of democracy. In truth they

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 21

smacked much more of the days of chivalry.
As for Johnston, many a border tale, and many
a story of feudal families did he know.

ee Mackay, a newly-arrived guest, amused us
with adventures amongst grisettes and mili-
taires while a prisoner in France, and Major
Macpherson's pithy anecdotes, set the table
in a roar. Father Fitz, whose chapel stood
opposite, joined us, leaving the cure of souls
for the cure of the body, and repeated the best
things he said to his ' boys' at the chapel, and
particularly ' how he had brought Con Cal-
laghen to his marrowbones/

" It seems, the said Con, who was an im-
mensely-framed Milesian boatman, indulged
monthly in a week of drunkenness and fun.
He was the best-tempered fellow in the world,
and so strong as to lift up any other man from
the ground with one hand. This happened to be
his drunken week-; and on the day before, a
remarkably corpulent Welsh shopkeeper, who
lived forty years alone, amassing money, in a
low-built house, with a porch to its door, died ;
having willed his fortune to the only persons

22 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

present, an honest lawyer, and an aged pas-
sionless bachelor.

" The dead body had been placed in a large
coffin ; the legatees were sitting over their wine
in an adjoining room ; there were no other
persons in the house ; the night was dark ; and
some wicked spirits, who were standing in a
grog-shop opposite, where Con had become
right glorious, laid a bet with him of two gal-
lons of rum that he had not the courage to go
into the opposite house and carry off the corpse
of the fat old Welshman.

" Con, with plenty of grog on board, feared
neither the dead nor the devil;' and as locks
are seldom used in this honest town, in he
went by the porch-door to the room in which
the shrouded body lay. He raised the corpse
up with little difficulty, got it over his shoulders
and was proceeding with it through the porch,
when their combined weight forced Con's right
foot through one of the boards in the floor, and
down he went with the ponderous corps on
top of him.

u The legatees on hearing the noise were at

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 23

first almost afraid to go into the next room.
On entering it, they found the body had left the
coffin — cold sweat came over them ; they ima-
gined the old man had either walked away, or
that Satan had carried him off; they rushed
out of the room into the porch — the candle went
out — and the lawyer first, and the old bache-
lor next, fell souse over the corps and Con."

" Where/' said Father Fitz, " I would leave
them, hadn't I, while walking down to the
long wharf, observed Con, rolling forward, and
fancying that I had been told what he had
been at, he cried out,

" < Father Fitz, Father Fitz, for the love of
the Holy Virgin have mercy upon me !'

Ci e Down upon your marrowbones, you baste,'
said I ; ' now on all fours, you grate big sinner
entirely that you are. Creep up the strate, and
humble yourself flat below the pump-spout you
grate sarpent.' Con, sirs, was obedient, and
I called to the swill-shop hard by, c Denny,
Denny, have you any boys wid you?'

a e Yes, father Fitz, plenty,' says Denny.

ee ' Send out an Irish dozen of them,' says I,
'and* let them pump upon Con, till they cool

24 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

the baste entirely, and bring him to his Chris-
tian since s.*

Colonel Nixon was also yesterday of the
party, and the major of course. They had
known each other before, and had been at
Prince Edward Island together, where a name-
sake and no doubt a distant cousin of our host
was at the time attorney-general.

" I found it," said the major, "a delightful
hospitable spot, we had there the people of all
countries, but especially Scotchmen. The
emerald isle had also sent thither some of her
choice spirits. Englishmen there were, honest
and true, but not many of them.

" Being a distinct government, it had its little
court, its balls, bickerings, and exclusives. Its
scandal, its picnics, its beauties, its bachelors,
its politics and the lineage, rise, and progress of
its inhabitants, would form a curious production.
The governor was unpopular, and the chief-
justice could not endure mice; the attorney-ge-
neral was not pliable, and the high sheriff was
excluded from government-house, for saying the
people had no right to pay quit rents.

"The island contained whole districts of

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 25

Highlanders ; the pibroch, the Gaelic, and High-
land hospitality, prevailed from Glenalladale to
Saint Andrews, and from Saint Andrews to the
East point ; at Elliot river and Earl Selkirk's
colony, at three rivers, Seven-mile Bay,
Indian river, and Lot Thirteen,

" The catholic bishop was a Highlander, and
a right good man was he. The minister of the
Selkirk colonist preached Gaelic in the Scotch
kirk, and father Maloney gave out the real
brogue entirely at the catholic chapel. Parson
D the episcopal rector was the most pas-
toral, gentle, and kind, of living ministers.
There was also a Welsh parson, a right merry
man; and the head of the academy, was as
good a worthy as ever emigrated from Dum-
frieshire.

"At the respective feasts of St. George, St.
Andrews, St. Patrick, yea, 'and St. David, all
joined at dinner to celebrate the day in good
fellowship.

" There was an excellent hotel, where several
old officers and travellers were making a tran-
sient stay, we dined together, enjoyed our wine,

VOL. II. c

26 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

cracked many a funny joke, and told capital
stories. The tables of the Johnstons, Mac-
kays, Camerons, and Macdonalds, were always
spread, not only to chiels from the land of cakes,
but to all respectable strangers. I was not, in*
vited to the governor's, neither was Admiral
Milne, who was told it was not market-day.

" There happened," continued the major, u to
be sojourning there at the same time a certain
colonel, a bon vivant, who like myself enjoyed
exceedingly, a good dinner, with port and ma-
deira. He also dearly loved whiskey toddy.

" We were dining with several others at the
attorney-general's, who gave with right good
heart, both dinners and wine, and also whiskey
toddy : when the colonel of a sudden directed
his look to our worthy host and said,

u e Mr. Attorney-general, I have had an invite
for this day, from the governor.-'

"'It is unlucky/ observed the attorney-
general, ' that you should have been invited to
dine on the same day with me.'

" f Invited to dine, Mr. Attorney-general did
you say ? — By the Virgin, it was no dinner invite

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 2j

at all : oh ! no, by the hill of Howth, who ever
heard of such an invite ? Who except himself,
the ghost of a miser that he is, could have
invented the idea of asking a grown up person
to drink tay ? By the spirit of St, Patrick, if
his cold narrow sowl won't allow him to open
his wine-cellar, he may shut his faypot, and be
dishonored for ever and entirely/ *'

" Och ! by my sould, here's your health,
major, 'tis myself entirely you have been after
ripresinting/' exclaimed Colonel Nixon. "These
were glorious days in that bit of a e smart isle
of the ocean.' But they jist write me that all
the Johnstons and Mackays, and Camerons,
and the catholic bishop, and all the other gintle-
men are dead, and that the whole country is
become radicalized.''

The hospitality of the resident gentlemen,
the happy assemblage of respectable strangers,
formed temptations sufficiently alluring to detain
the travellers at Baltimore ; but

" Nae man'can tether time or tide
The hour approaches I maun ride."

—And our travellers parted for Virginia.
c 2

28 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER V.

SLAVERY.

" ' Disguise thyself as thou wilt, still, slavery/ said I,
• thou art a hitter draught and though thousands in all ages
have been made to drink thee, thou art not the less bitter on
that account !' " — Sentimental Journey.

Playfair was deeply affected by the accounts
which had been related to him, and of the slave
states ; and the assurances that, lC the domes-
tic institution of slavery !" should con-
tinue to be perpetuated.

The very privilege of speaking on the subject
was denounced, yet Playfair was determined,
happen what would, to denounce slavery.

" England," said he, " although late, has
decided that there shall be no slaves in any part
of the vast dominions of the British Empire;

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 29

and the people of the United States have, if not
for themselves, at least for their offspring, to
expect dreadful retribution for their obstinate
refusal to grant the African race the freedom
which the declaration of independence decrees to
all men'3

" The usual questions," observed Profundus,
u put by the non -abolitionists are, c How are we
to liberate the negroes, indemnify the planters,
or cultivate the slave- states with free labour ?'
Those questions, however, may be solved ; first,
by the legislature creating a fund to indemnify
the slaveholders, now that the finances of the
republic are in so flourishing a condition, that
the national debt has been paid off, and a large
surplus remaining : then pay the labour of the
black man for cultivating the rice, cotton, and
tobacco plantations, as the labour of that of the
white man is, in the non-slaveholding states.
An able New England Review has also well
proven that slave-labour has long since deterio-
rated the agriculture and the wealth of Virginia.

(: But if all this be effected," argues another
non- abolitionist, ee the negroes and coloured peo-

30 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

pie will then rapidly increase, destroy the whites,
or dispossess them of the southern states, and,
finally, disturb the peace of the north. In fact,
their power will dissolve the Union."

u They will break up the Union far sooner,' '
said Play fair, * if you continue slavery."

" 5Tis true that there are different opinions
on the question in the north and south, down
east and far west," remarked a representative
from Connecticut.

6( Your Union," Playfair remarked, " is
formed of most discordant materials."

u I do not commit myself to the question,"
replied the Connecticut man, " though it would
not be possible to disprove your assertion."

"Your constitution," said Playfair, "is, how-
ever, in its literal principles excellent ; and it
seems to me, that according to its provisions,
no man can legally be held in bondage within
the confederated republic. How, sir, does it
then arise, that of your sixteen millions of in-
habitants four millions are held as goods and
chattels, bought and sold and separated as are
the beasts of the field ?"

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 31

"It is lamentable/' said Dr. Simpson, a learned
man from Boston, " that what you say cannot
be disproved. Great Britain legalized the im-
portation of Africans, and the perpetuation of
slavery ; unhappily we have retained the very
worst of the evils bequeathed to us by England,
as the most heritable legacy."

" But I find," said Playfair, u in the famous
declaration of your independence, the following
passages, commencing that justly-extolled ma-
nifestation of the natural rights of man. The
words, I recollect, are —

? When in the course of human events it be-
comes necessary for one people to dissolve the po-
litical bonds which have connected them to ano-
ther, and to assume, among the powers of the
earth, the separate and equal station to which the
laws of Nature and Nature's God entitle
them, a decent respect for the opinions of mankind
requires that they should declare the causes which
impel them to the separation.

" We hold these truths to be self-evident:
that all men are created equal; THAT

THEY ARE ENDOWED BY THEIR CREATOR

32 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

WITH CERTAIN UNALIENABLE RIGHTS; — THAT
AMONG THESE ARE LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE

pursuit of happiness : — that to secure those
ights governments are instituted among men,
deriving their just powers from the consent of the
governed ; — that whenever any form of govern-
ment becomes destructive of these ends, it is the
right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to
institute new government, laying its foundation
on such principles, and organizing its power in
such form as to them shall seem most likely to
effect their safety and happiness.

" These holy indisputable truths were una-
nimously agreed to, and continue to this day to
be promulgated as your confession of political
faith. How strange a contradiction do they
form to your boasted freedom, while more than
four millions of men are slaves, — all of whom,
as men, you have declared to be created equal,
and endowed by their Creator with the unalien-
able rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit
of happiness.11

" I concur most cordially with you," said Dr.
Simpson, "yet we must admit the difficulty that

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 33

exists as regards emancipating the slaves, in the
tenacity with which mankind have held what-
ever has constituted their property in all ages
and in all countries. More than this, the very
man who drew up the declaration of independ-
ence, was not only a slave-owner, but he sold
his own children by Quadroon women, nearly
white — thus making his lust subservient to pe-
cuniary wants, and consigning his offspring to
the degradation of the lash, and to the condition
of the saleable brute creation."

" Yes !" said Playfair, " I am aware that Jef-
ferson is accused of those enormities, and that
a daughter of his, in whose colour scarcely a
tinge of African blood could be traced, was not
long since sold by public auction at New Or-
leans, after having changed masters nearly a
score of times since that philosopher and pre-
sumed sensualist, her father, first sold her at
the tender age of nine years."

" There is no doubt of the fact,1'* replied the

* This is attested in the Massacbusets States, but the editor
cannot find sufficient proof of these charges against the philo-
sopher of Montecelli. Neither is there proof to the contrary.

c 3

34 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

doctor, " it has been not only too well authen-
ticated, but industriously circulated by those
who, no doubt from party feelings, delight in
publishing the well-known personal immorality
of the philosopher of Montecelli ; a man who
has in his writings cajoled mankind, and in his
private character outraged not only Christianity,
but the decent virtues ; — yet he has had, and
continues to have, his eulogists ."

" Detested," said Playfair, " will his memory
ever be : the making merchandise of the fruits
of his sensuality will, if that be true, alone en-
sure his lasting and loathing infamy."

" To that just mortal doom let us leave him,"
replied the doctor ; " zealots, religiously inflexi-
ble, will consign him to sufficient punishment
in his spiritual destiny "

" But," Playfair continued, " we have eman-
cipated the slaves of our colonies : though not
in the manner that I would advocate, consider-
That he possessed and sold slaves is undoubted ; but it is im-
possible to believe that he sold his own children, for he allowed
them as well as some of his other slaves to run off, without
having them taken up and sold, as he might have done. Editor.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 35

ing the question, as that of justice and hu-
manity."

" In the United States/' replied the doctor,
Ci the emancipation of slaves is beset with innu-
merable difficulties, of which Europeans are but
erroneously acquainted : that the dangers con-
sequent on continuing slavery, threaten terrible
disruption to our federal government, no man
with a dispassionate reasoning mind and com-
mon foresight can deny : but personal interests
and prejudices are to be overcome, and scarcely
two persons can agree as to the means."

<( That," answered Playfair, " seems fully
obvious ; — yet while slavery exists in your
federation, the constitution of the United States
will remain as a body partly brass and partly
clay i these materials cannot hold long together:
purify the brass from the clay or the whole
body will break violently asunder; and, if so,
it will assuredly crush your boasted federation
in its fall."

" The most thinking among us," replied Dr.
Simpson, K entertain the same fears ; and yet, as
I have observed, how are we to prevent the

36 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

catastrophe ? You will, even now, discover
obstacles to the abolition of slavery, which will
at once perplex and astonish you."

"^Admitting all this,51 said Playfair, "and
without further inquiry, then taking for granted
that which none can deny, — first, the great extent
and mighty natural resources of the states, the
wealthy prosperity of the citizens, and that all
the expenses and debts contracted by a war of
independence, and the operations of the govern-
ment, have been paid off, why not tax the coun-
try instead of endangering the constitution and
bequeathing probably civil war to your children,
to remunerate the slaveholders, if they must be
indemnified ? Then let the black and coloured
man earn his subsistence by free industry, and
if the white man requires the coloured or black
man's labour, reasonable wages must be paid
for it.51

" What you say, sir, is more reasonable than
practicable ; there are, besides countless minor
ones, four principal difficulties almost insur-
mountable,— indeed, I apprehend altogether so,
— to overcome which you have probably not
considered.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 37

f The first, is the general unwillingness to be
taxed to indemnify the southern planters.

" The second, will be the tenacity with which
the planters are determined to hold the slaves
which they now possess as chattels, and
whose labour, in whatever way required, is as
compulsory as is that of any brute of burden.

* The third, is that slaves or coloured peo-
ple, emancipated, would be endowed with equal
political rights, be eligible as witnesses, jury-
men, electors, representatives — yea, even to the
office of president.

" The fourth, is that however slight the tinge
of a coloured man may be, no white man will
now, and probably never will sit down in
the same jury-box, in the same room — nay,
scarcely in the same church, or be buried in
the same earth with a human being of African
descent. "

" Strange uncharitable prejudice and in-
justice !" said Play fair, " and yet ten thousands
of you — even your presidents and senators,
have slept and continue to sleep in the same
bed with these whom you consider otherwise
a detested people !"

38 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

"That is undeniably a truth, but too grave
an accusation to be expressed : that is, if you
expect to travel with peace or comfort among
the free citizens of the United States."

" Grave certainly/' said Play fair ; " but, being
a fact, why should I fear to express it in the
land of liberty?"

" It might be useless for me to attempt con-
vincing you why you should not, but I really
advise you to forbear speaking of slavery, of
religious sects or even of politics generally,
while travelling in the American republic."

So saying, Dr. Simpson, whose sledge was
at the door, with a horse tackled to it, waiting
to carry him to his dwelling in the country, rose,
wished Play fair well on his journey, and left
him to form his own conclusions."

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION, 39

CHAPTER VI.

THE MEETING-HOUSE — THE COLOURED MAN

AND A DINNER UNEXPECTEDLY EATEN.

" I have brought this world about my ears, and eke the
other that's to " the buckskins."

The prejudice against the African race, is cer-
tainly one of the great obstacles to abolition.
This unchristian disposition is nearly as un-
merciful in the free as in the bondage states.
Even Dr. Channing was long before he
would speak boldly forth his opinions as to
the abolition of the cursed domestic institu-
tion of slavery.

At Boston, where the population have lately
manifested a strong, and we believe sincere de-
termination to promote every means which may

40 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

seem best for the abolition of that social plague
which ulcerates and blotches more than half
America, the. uncharitable spirit of prejudice
against those who exhibited the slightest tinge
of African consanguinity, was carried on to a
shameful extent, — and more especially to be
upbraided in those who professed to be the
strict observers of the pure morals and doc-
trines of the meek, charitable, and forgiving
Saviour of Mankind.

Dr. Profundus, among other exemplifications
of the spirit of intolerance which prevailed, and
still to a great extent, prevails in Massachu-
sets, related the following to his friend, Play-
fair, about the free coloured race :

" As," said Profundus, " I was preparing to
take my departure from Boston for New York,
a lank, calculating, speculative Yankee, who
occupied three chairs in front of the fire, while
his head rested on the table behind, exclaimed,
on raising his eyes from a newspaper, or rather
a chronique scandaleuse, which he was read-
ing,

tff c Tarnashun seize me, I guess the prudential

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 41

committee* have done him slick ! — who in this
land of universal liberty would lose their pri-
vileges ! — Squire, look at that there considerable
smart notification.'

"So saying he took up the Boston prices
current, and threw me the paper he had been
reading. I took it up, and read an article full
of vulgar ridicule, on the presumption of a
coloured man, who became possessed, in right
of a debt, of a pew in one of the meeting-
houses, or churches, of the city, and who, on
the following sabbath-day, had, as it was said,
the " audacity to sit in it," and to hear the doc-
trines of the meek and lowly founder of Chris-
tianity.

" The paper then eulogized the conduct of the
managers of the said temple of glad tidings, in
determining that its special sanctuary, or dress-
boxes, the pews, should not be further polluted
by the coloured man's breath, to whom due
notice of the same was given in the following
words :

* Prudential committee, select men, non-committals, Cau-
cases, &c, and many such terms, are very expressive in their
American meaning.

42 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

ee ' Sir,' the prudential committee of Park-street
church, hereby notify you not to occupy any
pew on the lower floor of that church, and if
you appear there with such intent, you will
hazard the consequences : the benches in the
upper gallery are not prohibited you.
6 To Frederick Brinsley, coloured man,
' Elm-street.
6 For the Committee : G. Odiorn.'

" The above notice was too positive for Mr.
Brinsley ever to hope possessing his property,
and further, a constable, appointed by the said
prudential committee, occupied the pew on the
following Sunday.

"This statement, however, appeared to me so
apocryphal, that I immediately sallied forth
from the hotel, and proceeded to Elm-street,
where, after some inquiry, I found the house of
Mr. Brinsley — a very handsome building ; and
on asking if he was at home, I was shown into
a spacious, elegantly-furnished, and genteel
drawing-room, in which sat a pale, elderly lady,
and three interesting and pretty girls, evidentlv

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 43

her daughters. They had the complexion and
appearance of handsome Portuguese ladies;
nor could I trace a negro feature in their coun-
tenances.

* 1 apologized for my intrusion, and said if
Mr. Brinsley were within, that I was anxious to
have the pleasure of seeing him.

" Mrs. Brinsley, for such was the elderly lady,
replied that she expected her husband every
moment, as it was near their usual dinner-hour.

"In about two minutes Mr. Brinsley came
in. I introduced myself to him, by saying I
was travelling in the United States, — that I
was anxious to become well acquainted with
whatever related to the moral, physical,
and political condition of the country, — and
that a passage which I had read in a news-
paper involved his name in a manner that
induced me to form his acquaintance.

a I have seen men born in England and in
France, of Saxon or Gallic race, much darker
than Mr. Brinsley. He spoke English cor-
rectly, his manners were good, he very mo-
destly affirmed that what I had read was true,
and that he had no alternative but to subm it

44 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

cl may/ continued he, 'have some mixture
of African blood in my veins, if so, I am igno-
rant of the circumstance : my grandmother, they
allege, was a quadroon and a slave, and if
she were I consider it no disgrace. I have no
recollection of having ever seen her. They say
she was sold to a southern slave- dealer when I
was only one year old. I have endeavoured,
and have spared no expense to trace her that
I might purchase her freedom. I am told that
when very young, an English lady who took an
interest in me when only two years old, on
observing me put up for sale at an auction,
purchased me, and sent me to England to be
educated. I was brought up in a merchant's
house at Liverpool, who established me here as
his agent, and where I have married and been
prosperous in my family and in my business/

ee After conversing with him for some time,
and rinding him a very intelligent and thinking
man, 1 thanked him for his information, apolo-
gized for interfering with his dinner-hour, and
as I rose to come away, Mrs. Brinsley ob-
served—

Ci c Sir, there is a disagreeable shower of sleet

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 45

come on, if you will be so condescending as to
remain until the weather clears up, I will lay
out a table in the drawing-room, and prepare
dinner for you in a few minutes, while my
family are taking their repast.'

" ' No, Mrs. Brinsley/ I replied, ' I cannot
consent to your doing so ; but if you permit
me to join you at your family dinner, I shall be
most happy so to do, and also to spend part of
the evening with you/

" c Sir/ she replied, c if you have no repug-
nance, it will certainly delight and honour us.5

" I accordingly led Mrs. Brinsley to the dining-
room ; and although it was evidently their or-
dinary family dinner, excellent fish, soup, a
boiled leg of mutton, and a roast goose, were
as well served up as in any private gentleman's
house in England. Madeira, sherry, Bor-
deaux, and port, all of excellent quality, with a
large plum-pudding, a cranberry tart, and a
delicious dessert, also, graced and enriched the
table. I enjoyed the dinner and conversation
exceedingly ; and on returning to the drawing-
room, to which Mrs. Brinsley and her daugh-

46 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

ters had about half-an-hour before preceded us,
one of the latter was performing on a re-
markably fine-toned piano some divine pas-
sages from Mozart. Another daughter sung
with feeling and grace, and in good voice and
time several melodies.

"On the tables lay albums, annuals, the new
edition of Sir Walter Scott's works, and several
such books, all neatly bound, as usually adorn
genteel drawing-rooms. I wrote some lines in
each of the young ladies' albums, and signed
my name at full length.

u The reading of Mr. Brinsley's daughters was
not only extensive, but had been judiciously
directed, and they spoke both English and
French with purity and grace. They knew well
their social position at Boston, knowing also
that in two or three years they would be in a
position, in respect to means, so as to remove
from new to old England, where now, happily,
they can find unprejudiced reception in society.
They have, therefore, with good sense, made
up their minds to live cheerfully within them-
selves, until they can change their place of

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 47

residence without injuring their property,
6 This/ said I, c is the family whom the hypocri-
tical Prudential Committee, of Park Church, have
insolently excluded from the heap of stone, mor-
tar, and brickwork, which they have the vain pre-
sumption to style the temple of the Most
High. Possibly, if the pedigree of the pru-
dential members were known, it would turn
out that some of their ancestors only escaped
the gallows to be transported from Newgate to
Massachusets.

" On bidding good night to Mr. Brinsley's
family, after spending a most satisfactory and
pleasant evening, I prevailed on him to pro-
mise dining with me next day at the Zion
Hotel."

48 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER VII.

A DINNER ORDERED AND NOT EATEN.

" Some for abolishing black pudding,
And eating nothing with the blood in." — Hudibras.

" She said she had rather fight with a funeral than eat with
a black." — Adam Hodgson.

" On the following day," continued Pro-
fundus, Ci I ordered dinner to be served up at
four o'clock, acquainting the waiter that I had
invited a gentleman to dine with me, and that
I intended to start by the stage very early next
morning on my way for New York.

" At four, precisely, the waiter laid the cloth ;
and a few minutes after, he came in and said
that there was a coloured man in the passage
who wished to speak to me.

" < Tell the gentleman to walk in/ I replied.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 49

<e e I guess he be no gemman, massa, he be
coloured man/ answered the waiter, who was
himself a negro, and perfectly aware of the
contempt shown his race.

{i c Never mind what he is,* said I, rather
out of temper, ' I want to see him, and he
wants to see me — so tell him to come in/

" c Oh ! massa, I calculate, I dar'nt/ replied
the wretched hireling, stupified as how to act,
although dread of consequences alone prevented
him from obeying my command, and I im-
mediately rose, walked to the passage, took
Mr. Brinsley by the hand, and led him to the
parlour, where we sat down to converse until
dinner would be served.

a Some delay as to the appearance of dinner,
made me ring the bell (for there was a bell in
the room), and in came Sambo, who stood wait-
ing my orders.

"' Sambo/ said I, e it is now half an hour
after the time I ordered dinner, serve it up in-
stantly, if you please.'

u e He not be come, massa, I wait forgemman

VOL. II. D

50 BROTHER JONATHAN^ OR THE

dinner bean ready some time past/ answered
Sambo.

c * The gentleman is here,' said I impatiently,
e let us have dinner immediately — none of your
excuses, Sambo/

" We still waited, and at last in came the land-
lady, a fresh-looking woman, dressed in rustling
silks, and in person not unlike, although her
face wanted the usual good temper of, a comely
English landlady.

" I rose, bowed, and begged to know the lady's
wishes, or rather what she had to say, when,
lo ! she broke forth, as if speaking through a
brass trumpet, to imitate, as it were, the most
grating tones of which, her voice, forced through
her nose, was most appropriately adapted.

" * Mr. Englisher,' she began, e I guess I'm
not to be Ainsulted in mine nown hauss. So
git-hout you an yir nasty nigger.'

* ' Madam, I beg your pardon, I would not
insult a fly, — I have put up at your house from
its being recommended to me as respectable
and comfortable, and I really have found it so,'

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 51

said I, endeavouring to soften the enraged
dame, whose gestures and positions, were not
unlike that of an angry turkey-cock.

* ( Don't insult me, Mr. Englisher, by nick-
names, I'm not no Frenchman's mistris, nor
not a fly neither, nor not to be ^insulted in mine
nown hauss by Englishers and niggers : no, I
guess not ! I'm too spry and cute for that, I
calculates. — Sambo has taken down your
beggarly baggage, and you ha'nt gottin much
on't, and so git-hout, I says ; and there's yer
count, and pay it, and so again I says, git-hout,
you an yir 'nashin dirty nigger/ she con-
tinued in the same tone of passion, — very un-
usual, as I can happily testify, in an American
lady, but not uncommon in the manners of an
ignorant rich woman of the United States who
fancies herself insulted, or not sufficiently
honoured.

" e Really I do not comprehend you, ma'am ;
let us but eat our dinner quietly — the bill I will
certainly pay at once — but I do not wish to
leave your hotel until early to-morrow morning;
and I beg to assure you that nothing was
D 2

52 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

further from my intention than to think of in-
sulting you/

" e Insult me ! I guess you did, you Englisher,
— you have treacheringly thou't yourself spry
enought to git a dinner in mine liauss for a
nigger — you nicknamed me madam, and that's
the name of a Frenchman's mistress; and you
nicknamed me fly, and that's a thief that drinks
out of every glass — I would, I guess, not be
nicknamed nor be put down by any universal
living man ; so I say git-hout of mine hauss,
this very instant, git-hout, git-hout I3 con-
cluded the mettlesome woman, at which mo-
ment her husband made his appearance.

" He was a man of more cool temper, and re-
ported to have had no small interest in one or
more slave-trading vessels. # On my explaining
to him how matters stood, he expressed him-
self as follows :

" e Why, squire, I guess I would not never at
all calculate on not being civil : but you knows,
I guess, that I am a member of the prudential
committee, of Park-street church, and that this
here coloured man is Brinsley the nigger, and

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 53

that it would be a tarnashin universal eternal
disgrace to Zion Hotel, if a coloured man, or
any one that is seen, by any manner of means,
in the company of a coloured man, stopped,
or eated3 or slepted, in mine hauss — so I cal-
culates, squire, you and Zion Hotel better now
and for ever after cry quits, and never have no
more reckonings.'

" On this Mr. Brinsley observed that he would
go home, and begged of me not to be put to
any inconvenience on his account ; but even
this would not suffice, — the landlord considered
that it would be a contamination of his house,
to allow any English er, who had ever as-
sociated with a coloured man, to sit down after-
wards within the doors of Zion Hotel. So there
was no alternative, but paying my bill, which,
was certainly not extravagant, and moving off
with my luggage along with Mr. Brinsley, at
whose house I dined and slept, with great
comfort."

54 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER *VII.

THE VIRGINIANS.

" Le Virginien de race pure est ouvert, cordial, expansif j il
a de la courtesie dans les manieres, de la noblesse dans les sen-
timens, de la grandeur dans les idees ; il est le digne descen-
dant du gentleman Anglais." — Michel Chevalier.

Summer in America succeeds winter, with,
scarcely the intervention of what we consider
spring in Europe. On the first of May, when
Playfair passed through Washington, all nature
was smiling under the influence of the most
genial climate. The capital was deserted, and
nearly as dull as the famous English cinque
port of Sandwich. The fields were green, — the
farmers were all active and happy in their agri-
cultural occupations, — the woods had burst
forth into cheerful vernal life and beauty, — the

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 55

red, green, blue, and golden-feathered creation
of America had reappeared, — the Potomac,
broad and smooth, was animated with a never-
ceasing movement of river-craft ; the days were
not yet too sultry, and the nights were clear
and beautiful.

At this season, Playfair and Profundus wan-
dered over a great part of Virginia, where its
far-famed hospitality is as fully extended to all
who reside there, and to all who travel over it,
as ever it was in the generous days of those
good old country gentlemen — the Buckskins.

The roads were not very good, but the horses
excellent. The inns were found not equal to
those of the north, but the hearty welcome of
the planters far more than made up for this in-
feriority. The soil is diversified : being fertile,
except where exhausted by tobacco crops and
by slave labour, and except where extensive
tracts occur occupied by pine barrens and dis-
mal swamps.

The ever-present slave population, and their
condition, formed however a stubborn fact
which falsified the boast of American liberty,
and when Playfair saw the negro mothers

56 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

carrying mulatto infants to the fields, the pre-
valence of the most iniquitous and degrading
immorality was no longer to be contradicted,
and the nursery verse, —

" I was not born a little slave,
To labour in the sun ;
And wish I were but in my grave,
And all my labour done," —

came back more impressively into his recollec-
tions than the most poetic stanzas he had ever
read.

He travelled on to Richmond, the capital of
the state, and romantically situated on the bank
of James's River, and on ground steeper than
Richmond on the Thames.

But what a difference was here ! None of
the sylvan rural tranquillity of England's Rich-
mond, and yet the neighbourhood was woody,
and the country picturesque.

The Virginia Richmond has few buildings
worthy of notice, except the Capitol, situated
on a hill and built to resemble the Parthenon
at Athens, — and its far-famed flour-mills* — and
tobacco-warehouses. The streets are unpaved

* These are the largest in the world, in one there are twenty
pairs of stones perpetually grinding.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 5j

and dirty — the trading movement to and fro in-
cessant. The merchants and other inhabitants
are courteous in their manners, remarkably hos-
pitable to strangers, — and honourable in their
dealings.

If the cultivation of the soil, and preparing
its productions, in so perfect a state for market,
that a Richmond brand on a barrel of flour, or
on a hogshead of tobacco, is a never-failing
guarantee of the good quality of both, — if strict
honour in fulfilling promises and obligations in
town and in country, — if practisers of the most
free-hearted hospitality, without any mean mo-
tive,— if treating slaves with greater leniency in
regard to labour and infliction than in the slave-
states generally, — if having produced many of
the great statesmen of the Union, — speak highly
for Virginia, it is lamentable to be obliged to
admit that there is an immoral rottenness in
her body which has thoroughly diseased both
the physical and mental constitution of her
white inhabitants.

There are many healthy and able men, both
in body and mind, still living in Virginia, —
d3

58 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

many who are the dignified descendants of the
old English gentlemen, who foresee the evils,
and would, if they could, abolish slavery, and
who even wish that Virginia was still under the
British dominion. But, alas, that race is fast
dying away, — and who are succeeding them ?

Lamentable, indeed, is the truth, although
on this subject, in Virginia, and south of the
Delaware, it must not, cannot be uttered. The
majority of the white generation of Virginia,
exhibit to you men, whom sensual intercourse
with the negresses, mulatto, and quadroon wo-
men, have vitiated and degraded, and whom the
existence of slavery has worn out, in like man-
ner, as slave labour has exhausted the fertility
of their plantations.

If Mr. Maddison often expressed, " that vice
in Virginia stops only short of destruction to
female slaves, all of whom are supposed to be
mothers at fifteen, — and if the fathers of the
children are usually the planters and their sons,
from the age of puberty upwards,— and if the
principal advantage now gained by the share-
holders arises from the breeding of slaves for
the southern markets, — and if the Virginians do

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 59

not marry until after many years5 indulgence in
the vice of which Maddison accused them, — and
if slave labour has rendered the soil barren, —
what, after all this, can we look for, in the near
future of Virginia ?#

* Not only the slave-holding states, but many citizens living
in other states, look only at near interest in the slave question,
A correspondent of the New York Herald writes from London
as follows :

" London, June 16, 1840.

" I find all the English nearly abolitionists, and at present
there is a perfect negromania in London. An " anti-slave -trade"
meeting was lately held, at which the Dutch Prince Albert pre-
sided. This is all well enough. We are opposed to the slave
trade, and have declared it piracy. But there is also sitting
an " English and Foreign Anti-slavery Convention" as it is called
here, at which a number of Americans, vile traitors to their
country, have appeared as delegates, and who have joined in
repeating the foulest and grossest libels against their country,
and like a set of damnable traitors, they are soliciting England
to interfere in the domestic affairs of our country, either by
argument or force.

I tell you, and all Americans through you, England is bitterly
against us, so is France, and so is Europe, with the exception of
Russia. The fanatics in this country are fast pushing matters
to a most serious and alarming crisis ; and the result will be,
Russia and the United States on one side, and Great Britain and
France on the other. A great struggle is coming on, and can-
not be much longer postponed. For God's sake let the United
States be united. Let them arouse and put their resources in the
best training. Let them prepare, prepare and be ready ; for
in an hour they expect not, the thief will come to destroy.
Let them hang those vile traitors, who have come over here to

60 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

Playfair having seen full evidence in the south
and its bondage, to convince him not only that
the story narrated in the following chapter was
true, — but that many thousands could be told,
as heart-rending, and as disgraceful to the land

plot treasoiragainst their country, as soon as they return to
a country they have betrayed, and on which they should never
be suffered to land again. Encourage the Russians, let them be
oxer friends. I had rather be the friend of a power, even of less
civilized men, who honour and respect my rights, than of civilized
savages, who vilify me, and set all my rights, human and divine
(as a slave proprietor), at defiance. Then go on for the Russians.
Fortunately for us, it is a poicer in Europe, that, all other powers
begin to fear ; and a great war is got to come on sooner or later*
when we shall see the old governments totter beneath the battering
rams and cannon of the Russian legions. Our only safety is in this
event / Otherwise, a fanatical war would at once burst upon
us, as bad as that of the Crusaders against the Holy Land for
the recovery of Jerusalem. The object of the fanatics is to
persuade Great Britain to go to war at once with the United
States on the boundary or any other question and to make the
abolition of slavery in America the sole condition of any future
peace ! And the infernal and traitorous deleyates to the Anti-
Slavery Convention here from the United States, are urging
this course, and plotting with a foreign people war and de-
struction against their own."

Fair prospect of civilization in the nineteenth century ! Des-
potic Russia with her fifty millions of serfs, and Republic
America with her five millions of slaves, are proposed to unite
in putting down England and France in the progress of civi-
lizing the world ! ! ! England and France united, can and
will, in defiance of a"!! the bondage of the southern states, and

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 61

cursed by the diabolical institutions of domestic
slavery, and of domestic compulsory prostitu-
tion, he and Profundus returned northwards.

all autocrat and serf powers of Russia, civilize and liberate
the whole world. The greatest calamity which could affect
the human race, would be a breaking up of the alliance and a
renewal of hostilities between France and England. It would
be to the whole world, what those scourges of God, Alaric and
Attila were, when they let their Goths, Huns, and Vandals
loose upon Europe. — Editor.

We quote the following as the recent opinion of the
Editor of the New York Herald on the subject of slavery:

•* Something Curious. Abolition north and south. — Our
views on abolition have not been hid under a bushel. We
have fixed and unalterable opinions on the subject. We have
lived in the South, and speak from a personal knowledge of the
state of society there. Slavery, as it is called, is the natural
condition of the black race in the midst of the ichite race. The
blacks may be called free in law at the north, but the social
position is very much alike in every white community. Their
present position in the south will endure for several centuries,
till he white races have increased so much as to drive them off
the soil, by competition in labour. Both emancipation and
colonization, as at present taught, are idle chimeras. Neither
can effect any practical result. Nor does the South or the
country want any change, till ages have gradually brought it
about. The black races will be emancipated only by extinc-
tion, according to the order of nature, when the white races
of the north have so increased as to be able to perform their
work at a cheaper and a better rate, as it is now done in Europe
and in India.

62 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER VIII.

THE STORY OF MARTHA AND REBECCA
RAVENSCROFT.

" Tis not a single question of mere feeling

Though that were much j but 'tis a point of state."

Sardanapalus.

For nearly four generations a family, which
originally emigrated from Lancashire, possessed
one of the most valuable of tobacco-growing
estates in Virginia. For two generations the
sons and the daughters and hired labouring
servants, cultivated the lands and prepared the
tobacco for market. The family grew rich and
nourished, — the daughters married the sons of
the most opulent Virginian planters, and the
sons of the first and second generation con-
tinued to thrive in great prosperity and re-
spectability among the Virginian planters, or
Buckskins as they were named in contra-distinc-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 63

tion to the Yankees. In the third generation
more than one half of the whole estate became,
in consequence of the death of his two brothers,
the property of Rowland Ravenscroft. He was
then a bachelor and forty years old. He had
passed four or five years at Charleston in South
Carolina, and had acquired business habits, and
a character marked strongly with two qualities,
the love of making rich fast, and the vice of
sensual indulgence. On taking possession of
his estate, his first calculation was how much
he could make it produce. This was natural
enough, and justified by custom. Rowland
Ravenscroft however, made up his mind to
have all the work done, not as formerly by
wages-paid labour, but by the labour of slaves ;
the importation of Africans having been acci-
dentally introduced to Virginia soon after its set-
tlement, slavery at the time we allude to, was only
beginning to supersede free labour to any great
extent. Ravenscroft therefore purchased twenty
young Africans, eight men and twelve young
girls. He became their chief overseer, and
from that day all that was left of the generous

64 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

and kind disappeared from the head and heart
of Rowland Ravenscroft. Making rich fast, and
sensual indulgence, engrossed his whole soul :
To make not only his lands but his Africans as
productive as possible was the rule by which
his every action was influenced.

All scruples of conscience or of virtue
were sacrificed to these ends. There was
scarcely one of the Africans that did not be-
come a mother of children of whom he was the
parent, and when these mothers ceased to be
the objects of his sensual gratification, they
were afterwards compelled to cohabit with the
male Africans, merely that the slaves on the
Ravenscroft estate should increase and mul-
tiply.

The young generation, most of them mu-
lattoes, grew up, and during the twenty-three
years which Rowland Ravenscroft lived, after
he became a breeding slave-owner, breeding
slaves was as much the business on his estate,
as was the growing and curing of tobacco.
Before his death he beheld grown up the chil-
dren of the first children which were born on

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 65

his estate. He also beheld his own quadroon
grandchildren before his death. He was in
truth among his slaves a monster of iniquity,
until he died suddenly in his sixty-third year.

It was supposed that a mulatto woman, by
whom he had a very beautiful girl, administered
poison to him, to preserve her child from early
violation. A nephew succeeded to the estate
and to the slaves. He was a very different
man to his uncle, and had been educated at a
school near Liverpool, in England. He wras of
an indolent and kindly disposition, and on
taking possession of his property in Virginia
he committed it to the care of overseers. The
daughter of the mulatto woman, who it wTas
supposed had poisoned his uncle, grew up one
of the most graceful and beautiful quadroons in
the country. Young Rowland took her to
himself, and although he by no means formed
a perfect exception to the licentiousness for
which the slave-state planters and their sons
have long been characterized, yet he certainly
bore something like love and affection for
Rachel the beautiful quadroon, and he felt all

66 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

the affection of a parent for two girls to whom
she gave birth ; while the children he had by
several other young quadroon, mulatto, and
negro girls, were treated in respect to bringing
up, labour, food, lodging, and whipping, exactly
in the same manner as his other slaves.

His daughters by Rachel grew up tall, very
pretty, and very graceful girls: their mother
taught them to read, for this had not then been
pronounced a crime ; and she had such influ-
ence over him, that, on his leaving for England,
in order to arrange various matters of business
with his agents in London and Liverpool, Ra-
chel and his two daughters accompanied him.
He was certainly, at that time, fond of the
mother of his children, and of the latter re-
markably so : in England he introduced his
wife as Mrs. Ravenscroft, and soon after the
two girls were sent to a good boarding-school,
where they remained for three years, and
finished what was then termed an accomplished
education. The mistress of the school did more.
She was a woman of excellent judgment ; she
taught them to be useful, as well as ornamental ;

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL, CREATION. 67

trained their minds in those lessons and prin-
ciples of virtue, and sound morality and reli-
gion, which were best adapted to carry them
through life as wives and mothers.

They returned with Mr. Ravenscroft and
their mother to America, and settled again on
his estate in Virginia.

The two young ladies were not long there,
before they found their situation wretchedly
distressing. Mr. Ravenscroft^ affection for
them did not seem to abate, nor did he become
less kind to their mother. But the immorality
which it was impossible for them to avoid wit-
nessing, and the liberties which the sons of the
neighbouring planters attempted, and which
were now for the first time resisted, caused
sadness and unhappiness in the innocent hearts
of Martha and Rebecca Ravenscroft.

Such was the domestic condition of society
on the slave estates, that for the daughter of a
planter by a slave woman, however many de-
grees the latter was removed from African
consanguinity, to resist the advances of any
other planter, or planter's son, was esteemed
little less than an act of insurrection or rebel-

68 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

lion, quite sufficient to justify the poor girl to
be whipped to death. Such, with still more
horrible atrocities, have, however, frequently-
disgraced, and are still disgracing the degraded
slave states of the land of liberty.

Mr. Ravenscroft, on retiring to America,
became indolent, and it was known that in con-
sequence his affairs became somewhat embar-
rassed. About two years afterwards a young
man arrived one evening at Mr. Ravens croft's.
He was the son of an old American loyalist,
named Winterton, who, after the breaking out
of the American revolution, removed to, and
settled on the banks of Lake Erie, in Upper
Canada.

He was distantly related to Mr. Ravenscroft,
and in a few days he became enamoured of
Martha. She became equally attached to him
and he soon after made a formal proposal to
her father for her hand in marriage.

u Are you mad ! marry a slave !" exclaimed
Mr. Ravenscroft.

" She is your daughter, sir," replied Mr.
Winterton.

" Yes, my daughter, and my slave too, sir ;

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 69

and as my slave you may take her as your
concubine, but marry her, never! Marry a
slave, sir, why you would establish a precedent
that would ruin all Virginia and every state
south ! No ! no, no, young man, don't come
here to establish precedents, no freeman can
marry a slave ; any freeman can buy and lay
with a slave/'

" But, sir, you would not sell your own
child !"

* Where is the objection ?"

" The prostitution, sir !"

"Fah— faddle— fiddle— f addle— fooh— 'tis
done in England and elsewhere, sir, as much
under the name of legal marriage as 'tis in
Virginia and Carolina and away south," said
Ravenscroft, smiling in ridicule of Winterton's
morality.

" Pardon me, sir, interested marriages are,
no doubt, usual in England and other Eu-
ropean countries, but the social state of the
wife and children, their liberty, their main-
tenance, and their fortunes, their position be-
fore God and the world, are all upheld by the

70 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

law of the land, and by established usage.
In England, also, virtue has its high standard
of respect in- spite of latitudinarianism ; and
vice, has its degradation, which no profligacy of
principle can hold up against.55

a You do speak so like a methodist preacher,
that you must certainly have roared at a camp-
meeting and groaned at a revival/5 said Ravens-
croft, sneeringly.

"No, sir, I am neither a preacher nor a
methodist. I am, and I trust I shall ever con-
tinue to be, a man of honour and truth, and
profess and practise sound principles of Chris-
tian faith and charity. I love your daughter
not so much for the beauty of her person, as
for the excellent worth and virtue of her heart
and mind, and I conjure you as a father to give
me her hand that I may preserve that virtue
and that worth, in making her my wife.55

* Wife, fiddle-foo-faddle, no, never, much as
I love her, I would sooner hang her, than be the
Virginian, who would be the father of such a
precedent. I have as much affection for my
daughter as any father can have for a slave-born

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. fl

child. Her fate she must abide by. She was
born a slave and must remain a slave. As to
marriage, she can only wed a slave ; that I will
never allow : and to move me to consent to
her wedding any man not a slave, would be
breaking in upon our rights as slave-holders.
This I will never agree to, no, never, to the
smallest innovation of our legitimate right to
the domestic institution of slavery. Rather than
I, a Virginian planter, would countenance so
dangerous an innovation, I would cheerfully
stand before a scaffold and witness the execution
of that daughter which you so much admire.
Yet to show you that I have affection for my
daughter Martha, if you will settle with her on
my estate, I will contribute towards your joint
maintenance five hundred dollars a year; but
my slave she must remain, — over her liberty
and person I must have the control. I alone
have, and shall have the power to do what I like
with my own. You see how great a sacrifice I
am prepared to make in delivering her up to
you, in a way, when you reflect on her being born
a slave, far more creditable to you than for you
to commit the disgrace of marrying a slave."

72 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

ci According to my moral creed, sir/' replied
Winterton, " I can feel no shame in marrying a
virtuous fellow- creature, of good manners and of
intelligent mind ; and as to her being a slave, I
am very willing to redeem her freedom if you
will sell your right of property in Martha."

" Sell my right of property in, and power
over Martha, to allow you to commit the gross-
ness of marrying her ! ! ! Pooh-fooh ! You are
a foolish sentimental young inexperienced man.
The preachers have turned your head. Pooh-
fooh, man, a concubine in the southern states
is better than a wife in Massachusets."*

* In a large octavo volume, of 824 closely-printed pages,
entitled " A Book of the United States," — a book full of in-
formation, and eulogizing the United States, I find, page
460, the following passages. Speaking of Louisiana: —
«' Not the least interesting of this heterogeneous population
are the women who have not the pure white complexion of the
Atlantic coast, or the crisp locks, or the bent limbs of their remote
African ancestors. They are called Mustees, Quadroons, &c,
as the purity of their parentage, or the circumstances of their
birth may require. Being the offspring generally of white men,
of standing and respectability, (1) they are left in singularly un-
fortunate circumstances. They have the feelings, and, in a con.
siderable degree, the education and sentiment of their more pure-
blooded countrywomen. Nevertheless, the prejudice or feeling)
be it natural or not, which inclines every freewhiteAmerican(mind,
reader, there are whiteslaves as well as white free Americans) 'to

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. J3

" Sir, whatever may be the code of morals
in the southern states/5 replied Winterton, " I
cannot change mine. I wished to make your
child happy, but never can I do so except on
the virtuous condition of wedlock ; nor can I
ever become the parent of the children of
slaves. You would have me to become the
father, by your own daughter too, of children
whom you, their grandfather and protector,

view the whole African race as an inferior order of mankind,
prevents any legitimate union vith them. So situated, they make
the best of the condition into which the accident" (f. e. the crime
which produced that accident) " of birth, and'not their fauti' (cer-
tainly not their fault : — why punish them for what they could
not avoid ?) "4has thrown them. They form temporary con-
nexions with such respectable (criminal, sensual?) whites, as
are able to maintain them in ease, and attachments are often
formed which are not surpassed, or scarcely equalled by those
we read of in romance." (No doubt of this, but mark what
follows, and let the whole civilized world hold up to disgust
the atrocity of the slave states.) " However, the connexion is
generally considered in the light of a bargain. The mother
promenades with her fair daughter (the child of the ruthless
slave- owner) on the levee, till some white stranger smitten with
the charms of the latter makes a proposal. A bargain is made,
limited in time, or unlimited, and a breach of faith thus
plighted rarely occurs. This connexion (infamous as it is) in»
volves no disgrace at New Orleans. It is the most respect-
able to which a female conscious of a taint of black can
aspire."

VOL. II. E

74 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

might tear from her and from me, and sell to
any trafficker in human flesh ! Heaven forbid,
and I trust that God will protect your daughter
from the evils and the snares to which her
condition, as the child of the Christian of
European race, not of the heathen African,
exposes her."

a You will leave this house and this estate to
night, Mr. Winterton, or evil, after what you
have spoken, will befall you."

Winterton did leave RavenscrofVs that night,
but not until he had an understanding with
Martha for her deliverance.

He discovered that her father's affairs were
in a perplexed state, — though Ravenscroft pos-
sessed a great deal of property, he was often
short of money, and a few weeks before he was
actually on the point of selling Martha to a
libidinous old rogue from Charleston for six
hundred dollars. Knowing this, Winterton re-
paired to Richmond, and there engaged an old
usurer named Fike to make proposals to Ravens-
croft for the purchase of Martha as a slave.
Winterton agreed to pay Fike one thousand

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. J5

dollars. Old Fike succeeded, Martha was
brought to Richmond, and in a few hours be-
came the property as the purchased slave of
Winterton. Before he dined that day he
signed the act which declared her a free agent^
with a bond for a sufficient amount to support
her, and it was then that he proposed to her in
these words :

" Miss Ravenscroft, you are quite free and
sufficiently independent. I love you, but if
you do not think that you can intrust your
happiness, until death shall part us, to me as
your wedded husband, far be it from me to
insist on your acting against the feelings of
your heart/'

That day they were privately married by a
clergyman, and Winterton having provided the
means of leaving Richmond immediately after
the ceremony, as it was believed thatjiad they
remained, some act of horrible atrocity would
have been committed in order to destroy those
who had acted contrary to the rules of the
domestic institution of slavery.

They passed through New York, ascended
e 2

76 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

the Hudson, crossed the country to Lake Erie,
arrived safe in Canada; where Mr. and Mrs.
Winterton lived happily, and became the pa-
rents of an amiable and highly-respected family.

But Rebecca Ravenscroft was still a slave in
Virginia — " She is my dear sister — she is. ja
slave. — Oh ! my God, how is she to escape
from the evil, the vice which will beset her,
the sorrow that may attend her fate !" were
the oft-repeated exclamations of Mrs. Win-
terton.

The sisters, before parting, had settled a plan
of corresponding, through the agency of an old
mulatto on the estate, but by some mal-addresse
one of the letters was intercepted by old Ra-
venscroft. On discovering that Martha was
married, instead of her being what he believed
and what he wished, the concubine of a rich
Virginian slave-holder, his apprehension that
her sister Rebecca would also escape from his
possession, and with the fears, increasing with
his age, that secret conspiracies were planned
by his slaves, many of them his own children,
transformed the constitutional indolence of

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 77

Ravenscroft into restlessness, and into a dis-
position to punish all whom he suspected. One
of his first acts was to flog the old mulatto,
until the life of the poor creature seemed ex-
tinct. Generally speaking, it would be merciful
when they are severely flogged, not to allow
them to survive the punishment. Rebecca was
also locked up and ordered to receive twenty
stripes every third day. At the end of a fort-
night she was brought into her father's room,
and severely rebuked. He told her that he
would soon part with her, and that she
should, on the pain of receiving a hundred
lashes if she disobeyed, prepare herself to ap-
pear as agreeable and pretty as possible next
day : for he expected a customer, a very rich
one, who wanted a female to take with him to
the Mississippi. Rebecca left him and retired
to her little room to weep, and to bewail her
fate. After some time a faint ray of hope
gleamed in upon her. She roused herself, and
began to consider her self-resources, and the
means of escape.

She knew that her father's pecuniary difficul-

78 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

ties had occasioned him to sell eight or nine of
his young female slave children, that they were
the most beautiful of his quadroons and mustees,
and as fair as most Virginian white women ;
she knew also that they were not sold to be
employed in field labour, but as victims to the
gratification either of the men who bought them,
or to be resold as victims to the sensual em-
braces of the citizens of New Orleans and other
places in the southern and western states ; and
further that for such victims a most exorbitant
price was always demanded and received. She
therefore made up her mind not in any way to
oppose her father's intention to sell her, if such
disposal of her person should be to any one liv-
ing west of the Alleghanies. She knew perfectly
the geography of the country between the Mis-
sissippi, Ohio, and Canada, and trusting in her
God, and in her own address, she determined
to persevere in the preservation of her chastity,
and in her endeavours to escape from slavery.

The man to whom she was introduced next
day as her purchaser, had arrived from the
territory of the' Missouri, where he had lately

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 79

formed a settlement. He was one of those rough,
far west go-aheaders, and bought several la-
bouring slaves, and paid the price demanded for
Rebecca, with the understanding that he was to
bring her back with him to that wild region as
his concubine and housekeeper. They started
next day, and journied rapidly over the Alle-
ghanies to Cincinnati, and thence to the Forks
or confluence of the Mississippi and Missouri.
During this arduous and rapid journey, the
miseries of Rebecca were only to be endured
by the hopes, which never abandoned her, of
being enabled to escape into Canada. By her
address, by fawning upon her purchaser, by
feigning sickness, pleading a temporary in-
firmity, or some ailment, she tamed even the
monster, half horse, half alligator, her master, so
effectually, that, on arriving at the landing-place
of the great river boats, near the junction we
have named, Rebecca was still the same pure
maiden, that she was on leaving her father's
dwelling.

She had resolved "to trust her soul to
God," rather than sacrifice her virtue. She
had an alternative at hand, which in the

80 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

last extremity, she had long since determined
to have recourse to ; this was the contents of
a small phial, given her to protect her against a
trial to which her mother believed the daugh-
ter would be victimized, according to the usual
course of circumstances, in the land cursed with

the INSTITUTION OF DOMESTIC SLAVERY.

They arrived at the above landing-place,
during a critical period of the progress of set-
tlement on the banks of the Mississippi and
Missouri. Tecumsch, the celebrated Indian
warrior and orator, had been east and west,
south and north, rousing the Indian tribes, in
order to repel the further advance of the white
fires* upon the red man's hunting-grounds.
Before that hero of the woods appeared on the
great theatre of action as chief in war, and first
in command of the Indian tribes, he had con-
ducted several skirmishes, always with success,
against the American back settlements.

On the present occasion, he had received in-
telligence, by means of his scouts, that several
Americans in flat boats loaded with stores were
proceeding up the Mississippi on their way to
* United States — so termed by the Indians.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 8 1

form a new settlement on the Missouri. He
determined to intercept them, and lay in wait
near the same landing-place, where the proprie-
tor of Rebecca had disembarked with the re-
maining party of Americans and their slaves for
the night : several of the latter and a few whites
remained in the boats. About midnight the
warriors of Tecumsch rushed upon the
American encampment ; torches, filled with
pitch and rosin, and attached to a sort of
barbed lance, were thrown into the boats and
into some buildings on the landing-wharf: the
Americans were instantly aroused, and met the
attack with extraordinary ferocity. The rifle, the
tomahawk, and the axe, were used with desperate
fury on both sides . Three of the boats and stores
were instantly in flames ; the reflection on the
waters, on the dark forest, and on the features
of the maddened combatants, exhibited the most
terrific scene of barbarous sublimity. The
Indians fell, but not so thickly as the Americans.
The latter fled to the water in which many were
drowned or shot. Some gained the boats at an-
chor, while others who had escaped from the boats
e 3

82 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

on fire, met death in the Mississippi, or on reach-
ing the shore, fell under the Indian tomahawk.
At length the Red Warriors were completely
triumphant, and seized valuable booty and
several prisoners. Among the latter was
Rebecca Ravenscroft. The captives were all
doomed to death by the scalping-knife. Each
told his tale. Rebecca narrated hers. Te-
cumsch came forward and saved her life. He
did more, he gallantly escorted her to Lake
Erie, and opposite to Detroit, he delivered her
safe and unsullied into the hands of Mr. Win-
terton ; whose brother, a man highly worthy of
her, she soon after married. Never did Canada
behold more amiable or more virtuous women.
More affectionate wives or more tender mothers
than Martha and Rebecca Ravenscroft became,
were nowhere to be found.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 83

CHAPTER IX.

WASHINGTON, OR CITY OF THE MODERN CIN*-
CINNATUS.

" I got a letter from the Gineral yesterday, telling me to
come on to Washington as soon as steem can bring me ; and
I'm goin there like a streak of chain lightning. I'm afeerd
there's more trouble there ; and I and the Gineral will have
our hands full, to get things to right, and rig up a new mes-
sage for the next Congress." — Letters of Major Jack Downing.

No two cities in the world have such widely
different appearances as Washington and New
York. The never-ceasing activity and turmoil
of the latter, its irregular buildings, its streets
crowded, and often obstructed with carts, wag-
gons, and trucks, its multitudes of sailors and
labourers, its merchants, and dollar-hunters

84 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

have nothing in common with the little capital
of the great republic.

The latter is in aspect nearly as quiet as the
Hague ; the position again of Washington, on
the banks of the Potomac, is delectable. As
to its buildings, the capitol is indeed a stately
edifice, and many of the hotels and private
residences are, to say the least, respecta-
ble buildings : but neither the size of the
houses, nor their architecture, lends either
dignity or beauty to the principal street,
Pennsylvania Avenue; which, however, has
the capitol at one end and the White House
at the other. All besides is what may be
termed well enough, that is to say, not ex-
ceeding well.

The population is the most evanescent in the
world ; the slaves, the common lawyers, the
shopkeepers, and the landlords of hotels ex-
cepted. This being the capital, it might be
expected that the functionaries of government,
and the judges of the supreme court, would at
least be among the permanent residents. No
such thing. He who was a few weeks ago

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 85

head of the executive, has, in order to procure
his daily bread, gone back to shoot racoons,
grow cotton, raise Indian corn, and feed hogs,
in Tennessee, never again to behold the " Ca-
pitol5' or " White House/' and far less to carry
on his war to the death against the Bank. The
Secretary at War would have probably before
this returned far west, to Michigan, there to
chop down the forest, and exterminate the
Shawanees, had he not before, by desperate
speculations in the lands of that region, realized
a large fortune, which will enable him to bear
the expense (for the salary will not do so) of
being sent as an ambassador either to Paris or
Jerusalem.*

Very few, if any of the other functionaries,
can afford to live, if they wished, when their
term of office expires, at Washington. And the

* General Harrison, lately candidate, and an almost suc-
cessful one, for the Presidentship, and for which the Log cahi-
net hard cyder drinkers are now rousing the United States, is
or was clerk or bailiff of the court at Cincinnati, of which I
believe another former candidate for the chief magistracy of
the nation is one of the Judges. Galatin, who found that the
life of a statesman would likely starve him, now lives inde-
pendently as president of a bank at New York.

86 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

senators and representatives — none of whom,
we believe, have residences here — will be off
* slick as lightning" the moment the session is
over.

The Judges are here only for the annual term-
time, which is also during the sitting of Con-
gress. The Attorney-general of the United
States, and a clerk of the court, only, of the
public functionaries, reside in the capital.

Washington, therefore, except when Con-
gress is sitting, is truly a dull town. The di-
plomatic corps say, generally, that to them it
is especially so, but they often contrive to
escape to the " White Sulphurs" or u Sara-
toga."

Russia, France, Prussia, Holland, Denmark,
and Sweden, never send as agents to Uncle
Sam's court any but men a tried in the ba-
lance, and found not wanting;" They never
send a Dosey, as England not seldom
does.*

The senators and representatives, judges and

* The Courtpf St. James's has had the merit of being repre-
sented at foreign courts by not a few " sleepy bodies"

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 87

lawyers, nearly all with their families, and
many persons of independent means, with their
wives and daughters, were now assembled,
from every state of the Union, in the capi-
tal, which may at this season be designated
a city of legislation and adjudication, of
pleasure and politics, of courtship and di-
plomacy.

The President receives every body except
negroes and coloured men at the White House,
The Diplomates give entertainments, balls, or
soirees, in imitation of those of Paris ; and all
senators, representatives, barristers, and visiters
who can afford to do so, give dinners and
sometimes balls.

In no assemblage of the same number are
there, we believe, to be seen so many beautiful
women. Here many matches are made up.
Here every facility is afforded for young hearts
to form those endearing affections, which
guarantee future happiness. Never was there
a congregation of such varied people, where
scandal dare not — cannot tinge the pure virtue
of which the American women are, almost

88 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

without an exception, so eminent and proud
an example.

Here the daughters, in the innocence and
naivete of their hearts, are seen in groups with
admiring beaux, — or tete-a-tete, with an ac-
cepted or advancing lover. Here no mother finds
or believes it necessary to be the duenna of her
unmarried daughter, and no father who is re-
gardless of the personal worth of the man who
would become his son-in-law, provided the latter
can vouch solidly as to the marriage settle-
ments. Money has rarely, indeed, any thing
to do in the affair of courtship, or marriage. It
never enters into the mind of the young lady.
If her lover loves her, and if she loves her lover,
that is all the world to her. If his private
character and personal reputation are without
blemish, that and that only satisfies the
parents.

Here lies the foundation of that domestic
quiet, virtue, and harmony which generally pre-
vail in families over most parts of the United
States. Would that it were not tarnished
where slavery exists ! Would that its na-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 89

tural spirit were not subdued into the cheer-
less prudery imposed on innocent delight
by the cold restrictions of New England
morality !

The season at Washington is certainly one
of excitement. During that period the city
forms a centralization of manners, a focus for
general news, a centre from which legislative,
executive measures are dispensed over the
Union. Politics, party disputes and interests,
desperate duels in public, — the next, rather
small but generally well conducted and filled
theatre, and other amusements, afford ample
materials for public business, political intrigue,
personalities, conversation, society, and pleasure.

90 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER X.

THE WHITE HOUSE.

" Jones, who, though he had never seen a Court, was better
bred than most who frequent it." — Fielding.

Once a week during the session, the Presi-
dent holds a levee, that is, receives all ages and
sexes who have the wish or the vanity to repair
to the White House on the evening of the ap-
pointed day. Hugo had both the wish and the
curiosity, and accordingly, he and Dr. Profun-
dus went to the first reception after their arrival.
The scene as they proceeded was peculiar to
the place and occasion. The ground, and the
roofs of houses, and the branches of the
leafless trees^ were covered with snow. Some

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 91

progressed on foot, some on horseback, and
others, men, women, and children, in sledges
or carioles.

In the latter there are usually two persons,
but on great occasions, as a reception at the
White House, a frolic or a picnic at some distance
in the country, three or four are stowed in a ca-
riole, which has scarcely more room within than a
gig. But there is a way to manage every thing
in America. In the cariole there is but one
seat, with length and breadth only for two per-
sons of ordinary size to sit upon. But, as
often happens, two gentlemen and two or three
ladies are to go in one sledge, then one gentle-
man mounts in front to drive, balancing him-
self by a foot on each shaft, or on a cross bar.
The other gentleman takes his seat within. The
stoutest lady sits beside him. The next stoutest
of the ladies sits on his lap, and the slightest in
the lap of the stoutest lady. They then drive
off at full gallop to the appointed place, over ice
or snow, and not unfrequently the gentleman
driver contrives to upset the cariole by some

92 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

sudden turn, so that the ladies and gentlemen
are left sprawling in the snow, while the horses
run off, kick the cariole into atoms, and then,
with the shreds of the harness flying about their
bodies and irritating them onwards, they return
at full gallop to the stables they have left. This
the American gallants call fun.

On entering the White House, there were no
introductions, — no court-dresses : — boys in their
bibs, — senators in cloaks, pea-jackets, or sur-
touts, — little girls in their school-frocks, —
grown-up ladies, some dressed a la mode de
Paris, some in pelisses, some with tartan man-
tles and gray beaver bonnets ; — all mixing toge-
ther with the diplomatic corps and their families
and with all other foreigners.

At first, there was something, in the tout en-
semble of the reception at the White House,
which to those who have only seen the dull
heartless court of St. James's, the spirituelle
and gay court of the Tuileries, or the cold sim-
ple-mannered court of Berlin, and the splendid,
yet unpresuming court of Vienna, seemed

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL, CREATION. 93

mobishly ridiculous, and assuredly there was not
a small portion of eccentricity present, in lan-
guage as well as in dress. All, however, were at
their ease, there was no servility, no feeling, no
appearance of humiliation, nor was there any
disagreeable familiarity or rudeness. It might
indeed seem highly out of etiquette to observe
many of the children, in order to see every one,
and every thing, planted high on their fathers'
shoulders.

The President stood in the middle of the
great room, and near him were Woodbury and
Jack Downing, and some other aides of the
government, or as the New Yorkers would say,
" helps of the kitchen cabinet." Mr. Van Buren
received them all with a sort of suitable popular
versatility, and with manners more fitting to
the occasion than if he had been bred in a
court.

The President had to shake hands, which,.
Major Downing says, means "shaking off"
all who presented themselves, and they often
paid him the most superlative of compli-

94 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

merits, and asked him the most far-fetched of
questions.

ee You will sneer at the rough court of Uncle
Sam," said a member of Congress to Play-
fair, " there is the President, the neat- speaking
Mynheer Martin Van Buren."

iC By no means," replied Playfair, ce your
court does not display the

foreign trashery

Of tinkling chain and spur,
The walking haberdashery,
Of feathers, lace, and fur,
In Rowley's antiquated phrase
Horse-milliners of modern days,'

of St. James's or the Tuileries, — but you have
plain, good, homespun stuff, which would be
most unfittingly displaced by the assumption of
the antiquated court and military dresses of
England, or the laced uniforms of France. The
moment you establish, or mimic a change, your
republican government is gone. A democracy
and a brilliant court are impossible alliances.
The incompatibility cannot exist."

The reception was like all receptions, a dull

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 95

one; yet Hugo thought it as interesting and
somewhat more instructive than the mere parade
before, and no conversation with, majesty, on
passing from within the brass bars, which pin-
fold the crowd of many colours, who go to what
is styled a levee at the brick -house of St.
James's.

96 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XI.

GENERAL JACKSON.

" The Gineral talks of goin to the hermitage next spring,
—he says he has done enuff for the country — I thinks so too
— lie says, I may go along with him, or stay and lend Van
Buren a hand. We'll say something about this in the
message — perhaps." — Letters of Major Jack Dow7iing.

" I regret exceedingly/' observed Playfair,
" not having arrived at Washington during the
presidency of General Jackson."

" He was a very extraordinary man," said
Profundus. " I introduced myself, when last at
Washington, to Andrew Jackson, President of
half the western world. I did so by writing him
a respectful note, begging the honour of calling,
and the negro I sent with it brought me back an

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 9?

invitation, in the general's handwriting, to break-
fast at nine o'clock the following morning.

" I repaired accordingly at the exact time to
the White House. I found him alone examining
some papers. He received me with more ease
than ever George the Fourth could have done.5'

" The latter," observed Hugo, " never received
a human being, not even a valet, but as acting
(and he certainly was the best actor in the world)
the ' finished Chesterfieldian gentleman.' "

" Andrew Jackson," continued Profundus,
" received all except those who irritated him by
their angry political opposition, with the most
easy unpretending good manners.

" It is true that he had not attained, or even
attempted that fascination of bowing and conceal-
ing thought under mere harmonized sentences, for
which George the Fourth was, and Louis Philippe
is distinguished. Jackson, like that gentleman
of the wilderness, the American Indian, was un-
embarrassed by art, and conventional forms, and
therefore like the stoic of the woods, by the
freedom of natural grace, well mannered, but
certainly not, when suffering humanity presents

VOL. II. F

98 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

itself, — ( the man without a tear/ No ! the
republican despot is as tender-hearted a man as
Mackenzie's man of feeling: — nor did he ever
conceal his plans under the mask of simulation.

" Two very different persons in regard to birth,
education, rank, have, take them all and all,
the most natural and honest manners that I at
present recollect. Both, 'tis true, are farmers, —
I allude to Andrew Jackson in Tennessee, and
Earl Spencer in Northamptonshire.

" Of European sovereigns, to whom I have
been introduced, the late Emperor Francis of
Austria, in manners resembled General Jackson ;
and I was also struck with the similarity of the
President's dress and figure to that of the em-
peror, as I have seen Vater Franz!, walking
among his Wiener Volk,* which thronged on
summer Sundays, to Baden. Here, however, the
resemblance ends. Francis was all his life
governed by his fears, and the word constitution
paralyzed him. Of Andrew Jackson it may be
said, if ever it could with truth of any man, that
he has never known fear unless it may have been
* »'. t. Fattier Francis, and Vienna people. — Editor.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL, CREATION. 99

the fear that those he loved might be subjected
to calamity.

u Jackson has had no children, but he long
since adopted a son, and this son's children were
and no doubt still are most dearly cherished by
c old Hickory/* Two of these rsat by him at
breakfast. On entering they both ran up and clung
round his neck. He kissed them, and they took
their places at the table : the youngest saying,
1 Grandpapa, I feel very sorry that you got up
in the night to get me the medicine and syrup,
I tried all I could, not to say I was ill, but my
stomach ached so I could not help it.'

" ' The poor child/ said the general to me,
1 suffers in that way now and then : and I cannot
endure that he should remain a moment longer
than possible in pain. They both sleep in the
the same chamber with me, that I may relieve
them myself, as somehow or other they are not
so well here as at the Hermitage/

" And can this kind man, thought I, be the

scourge of the Indians, — the barbarian by whose

* Hickory. — This cant name for General Jackson was
given him after his victory over the Indians on the Hickory
Grounds. — Editor.

F 2

100 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

order two Englishmen were shot, — the Hero of
New Orleans, and the reckless destroyer of com-
merce,— whom the journals of all parts of the
Union except the ultra-democratic, and some of
these also, declare, that his language in regard to
Carolina and the Bank has been that of a despot,
whose crime — and for which he must be made
to suffer — is personal ambition, — whose avocation
is intrigue, — and whose government is cor-
ruption ?

" Yes ! and a despot, too, before whom all
hitherto had given way ; but the truth is, that
Andrew Jackson never has thought of, or done
any act in private or public life, which he has
not considered morally and politically just, and
calculated to promote the honour and prosperity
of the United States.

" His ideas of making the republic be respected
before the world, as he showed in his high-
handed firmness, in regard to France, do honour
to his head and heart. His commercial theory
may have been fallacious, — and his attack upon
the Bank unjust, as his having persisted in his
measures has, no doubt, been ruinous to thou

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 101

sands ;* but his decision in regard to the nulli-
flers of Carolina and the Georgians, saved the
Union for the time : that is, until slavery, which

* As a common instance of the utter recklessness of the
periodical press of the United States, making assertions with-
out truth, the Baltimore Commercial Chronicle gave lately the
following •• " General Jackson, since his return to the Her-
mitage, has found that he has not the public treasury at his
command, nor a salary of twenty-five thousand dollars per
annum.

" What will the old hero say when he learns the fact which
we copy from the Evening Star 1 "A draft for six thousand
dollars drawn by Andrew Jackson, President of the United
States de facto, is we understand protested for non-payment.
The old general probably expected to receive fifteen cents for
his cotton, and so valued upon his factor here. Cotton at
eight cents only pays fifty cents in the dollar. The balance
would have to be paid by those who dealt in borrowed capital,
and who, as the general said, ought to break, to avoid which
he no doubt lets the draft go back to be reduced to its
proper size." This calumny was widely circulated over the
United States, and even in the English and French papers. At
length the general, who seldom took notice of any thing
against himself in the newspapers, was prevailed upon to con-
tradict the falsehood, which he did as follows : " For twenty
years I have not drawn a draft upon any person whatever ; I
am in no way responsible to the amount of a dollar for any
person or persons, except for the purchase of two or three slaves
for my adopted son, and all rumours in relation to drafts, my
endorsements, and Units, are entirely false and without the
shadow of foundation or truth."

102 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

seems now more likely than ever to threaten its
dislocation, causes its destruction.

" Andrew Jackson was born at Tennessee, and
directed his views to the bar, as the profession by
which he should earn his biead, and rise in the
world. Without much learning, for that was not
necessary, he commenced life, and is stated to
have distinguished himself as a lawyer : having
at the same time been captain and then major
and colonel of the local militia.

K His first military talents and success were dis-
played against the Indians : as general, he gained
the victory of New Orleans, making breastworks
and citadels of cotton bales : this victory has
raised his name high among heroes. For suc-
cess he must also feel grateful to the memory of
that greatest of military blunderers, Pakenham.
Always a democrat, with unimpeachable probity
of character, — morally and physically courageous
and self-willed, he, as President of the United
States republic — of a nation of universal suffrage
men, displaced every man appointed by his pre-
decessors in office, and replaced them by pro-
fessed committed democrats, and exercised an

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 103

authority to which all willingly or unwillingly
have bowed and even crouched ; and that with a
higher hand than any crowned head in Europe,
except Napoleon, could have, since the com-
mencement of the present century, dared to
attempt.

" On alluding to Europe he said to me, ' I have
never been there ; perhaps His as well that I
have not. Yet I feel that I should have liked
to have been.

u * My ideas of foreign countries/ said he, ' are
those of Washington, to form no political alliance
with any country, — to extend our commercial re-
lations with all.'*

a I observed, i then would not the extension of
your commerce with all the world be greatly

* Jefferson went further. "America should never," says
he, " receive privileges from, in order to avoid being called
upon to accord the same to, foreign nations." Mr. Clay over-
leaped this maxim at the treaty of Ghent. In truth, it is im-
possible to examine the negotiations of the United States with
other countries, except during the administrations of Washing-
ton, A dams, and Jefferson, without discovering that their diplo-
matists have obtained advantages : or, in other words, without
gaining advantages, they would rather cease to negotiate. This
is evident in regard to the boundary question. — Editor.

104 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

advanced by reducing the tariff', when you have
no occasion to lay on duties for paying a national
debt, and when you have so large a surplus
revenue, which perplexes you to apply V

" l True, mere foreign commerce and navigation
no doubt would, but domestic politics require to
be balanced. Look at the great power of the
northern states — the manufacturing — the demo-
cratic ones. We must study that more than the
noise of cotton planters, and the merchants and
brokers of Philadelphia and New York. Uni-
versal suffrage makes all the difference, in giving
but few votes in the south. The niggers, you
know, can't vote. Besides, I have gone further
in reducing the tariff to quiet the nulliflers than
they deserved/

" I did not," continued Profundus, u venture
to say any thing further on this question. The
elections I saw had decided his political views.
Democracy was in his mind of far more import-
ance than that free trade which no democracy
can prevent, between the United States and
foreign nations, and I concluded by observing,
that there was,' at all events, sufficient trade and

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 105

intercourse between England and America, to
make war calamitous to both, besides that
history and common race, language, literature,
and associations bound the two countries — even
though unknown to the people themselves — in
close and friendly alliance.

"'True/ he replied, 'but our history has un-
fortunately several ulcerated spots on its body, —
would that they had never broken in upon and
lacerated the family in its tranquillity, or irritated
the passions in its quarrels.

" 4 Let our history/ he concluded, ■ guide the
councils and administration of England in regard
to the Canadas. They have few evils to com-
plain of in comparison to those which oppressed
us under English rule; but they have more
wicked spirits among them, too many of whom
were, I have no doubt, of the too bad to remain
in our republic. Let England, however, be wise,
and not punish the many for the transgressions
of the few.'

<f Breakfast — a simple but very good one — was
now finished. A little active man entered. This
was Martin Van Buren. A more athletic person
f3

106 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

followed. This was his check-mate, the famous
Major Jack Downing. Public affairs were now
to commence ; the general put on his spectacles,
and I took up my hat, made my bow, and wended
my way from the ' White House' to ' Federal
Hall.'"

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 107

CHAPTER XII.

FEDERAL HALL.

"This is no mine house,
I ken by the riggin o't." — Old Song.

Let it not be thought that the adjective and
substantive at the head of this chapter, designate
a legislative, judicial, or scientific edifice. No !
The Americans have now and then different
ideas of words to us, and we need not be sur-
prised when an American asks, " if Lincoln's Inn
and Clement's Inn be smart taverns 7°

So, therefore, if Federal Hall be not for learn-
ing, science, justice, or law-making, it is an esta-
blishment for perhaps as useful, and certainly a

108 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

more necessary purpose. It is, in fact, a very-
good hotel, with a very worthy landlady direct-
ing all that relates to the comfort of her boarders
and lodgers; taking special care to have an
abundant larder and, what should always follow
as a consequence, a good cook in the kitchen.

The furniture, fittings up, and arrangements
very much resemble those of Liberty Hall ; and
as to the inmates, if there were no counterfeit
counts, and Doubloon Jacks, or brokers' wives,
there were senators and representatives, and men
learned in the law ; many of them differing in
politics, but all agreeing very well in social
intercourse. Most of them had their wives and
daughters with them, and all dined together at
the table d'hote, and soon became acquainted in
the withdrawing-rooms. Sometimes they knocked
up a dance or a (i frolic and shuffling," as Major
Downing would say, with whom (the real Simon
Pure) Playfair and Profundus now became ac-
quainted at " The Federal,"9 as the hotel was
usually called for shortness.

Acquaintances were not only formed between
those from the most opposite states of the Union,

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 109

but several engagements of marriage entered into,
and those marriages forthwith consummated. In
America Playfair saw clearly that nothing could
be delayed or left to chance, and for marriage
the Americans think no time like the present.
That is, the moment they think of marrying, to
be either off or on at once.

If there were courtships and marriages, there
were also refusals ; cf But no instance," said Pro-
fundus, "of a lawyer or planter meeting a
rebuff. I have watched/1 continued he, " long,
lathy senators from the Far West, rich too, and
capital fellows for rifle-duels, hanging after and
sighing for, but shunned and refused by, the
beautiful and dollarless daughters of a Con-
necticut farmer ; and Virginia's pale daughters
often reject all the twanging flattery of the
wealthiest representative of the ( Down Easters.' v

Notwithstanding all the refusals, those who
really make up their minds to marry during
" Congress-time," succeed. An American never
considers a dozen rejections as reason sufficient
not to practise his favourite maxim " Try again,"
whether it be a failure in trade or in love.

110 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

As appendants to these marriages, a meeting of
the families so united is usually fixed upon, at
the same time, for the following season at Sara-
oga, or some other of the fashionable waters.
Play fair had the satisfaction also to find that he
should there meet many of the most agreeable
inmates of Federal Hall next summer. This
was additional inducement for him to fulfil an
appointment with Major Macpherson to rally to-
gether at Saratoga, with several who had crossed
the Atlantic in the same ship.

There was but one titled lady among the
guests, and she was delighted with the society of
Federal Hall, and with all Washington. She
was the widow of a worthy tallowchandler who
had been a mayor of a certain city in England,
and who was knighted as such. In the society
of Washington there was no exclusion, but to
Lady Dips, — her title was a tower of strength,
even among the democrats, and in a short time
her ?nal-a-propos were either unobserved or were
superseded by imitating the phraseology of those
with whom she had passed many hours daily, and
who generally, in slow utterance, spoke correctly.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. Ill

The wives and daughters of the senators and
representatives of the young states, occasionally,
it is true, used singular instead of plural verbs,
and gave different names to various animate and
inanimate objects ; such as " little rocks" for
stones, u rooster" for game-cock, and " much
obliged for some of that 'ere member-fish,"
instead of" a little cod-fish, if you please."

The gentlemen at Washington dressed much
in the plain English way. A senator from
Missouri or Mississippi would now and then
appear, either at the dining-rooms, or drawing-
rooms of the "Federal" or of the "White House,"
in a rough great-coat and mocassins, and a true
representative of Maine, would be, as likely, clad
in a skipper's shaggy pea-jacket, and enormous
fisherman's boots, well coated with train-oil, as
proof against snow-water, and drawn up over his
trousers at least afoot above the knee. These
few exceptions, being only in honest representa-
tive character, ought therefore to be excused.

The ladies were all for the French style of
dress. Indeed, we may regret that in too many
things Paris has superseded London in America.

112 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

'•Had I" said Playfair, " the power, I would
make it imperative on the representative of Eng-
land at Washington, to do every thing in
politics, in the most straightforward English
character, and in mode, in the most fashionable
British style. Furniture, fetes, carriages, and
manners, all in the real Devonshire (not in
the county's but the duke's) taste."

4f Alas !" ejaculated Profundus, " England is
not represented at Washington !"

" The same," continued Playfair, u should also
be made the condition of appointment to the
consulates of New York, Philadelphia, Boston,
Charleston, and New Orleans. What wise policy
this would prove in regard to demand for British
manufactures and fashions ! Four or five thou-
sands more, to enable the envoy and consuls to
effect this would be no more than throwing
away a white-bait to catch a kraken"

" Would the radicals allow it V asked Pro-
fundus.

" They could not help it," said Playfair.
' ' Opposition would raise up the hew and cry of all
the manufacturers against them, and then fare-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 113

well to the popularity of the radical members ;
but the radicals would allow it. Let it be
proven that the expense would be for real be-
nefit to the country, and Joseph Hume himself
would be the first man to vote the outlay/'

As guests, some of the most famous senators
and members of government frequently dined at
the table d'hote, and some of these were also
boarding at the "Federal." Among others there
were often at table, John Quincy Adams, Henry
Clay, Chief Justice Tanney, Daniel Webster,
J. C. Calhoun, Attorney-general Butler, Go-
vernor Mac Duffee Crawford, Amos Kendall,
Colonel Hayne, Mac Lane, Van Buren, Rives,
Forsyth, Levi Woodbury, and last, not least,
Major Jack Downing, forming a wonderful
galaxy of republican luminaries.

114 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XIII.

SAYINGS AND DOINGS AT WASHINGTON.

The President gave dinners by rotation.
These were usually cooked and served much in
the same way as the best dinners are in Europe.
Yet it was imperative in this democratic land
to invite, on each occasion, a certain number,
promiscuously, of the members of both Houses
of Congress, and several other political charac-
ters. Some of the guests consequently, were
far more intimately acquainted with the usages
of Kentucky, Illinois, and Maine, than with the
routine introduced from the dining-rooms of
London and Paris.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. i 15

On one occasion, a member from Tennessee,
who found the champagne so delicious that he
gulped at least twenty glasses to his own share,
often taking three or four as fast as they were
filled by those who served the wines round.
When helped to champagne, he would say,
H Now, mister nigger-help, I says these here
slim glasses be'ent made for a gentleman who
be'es dry, as I be'es, so I says don't snake off
till IVe enuff to wet my pipe/5

He then essayed to crack olives with their
stones, having mistaken them for another kind
of fruit ; but having, instead, cracked one of his
own teeth, he exclaimed, u By the Carnal, your
cider, President, is most better than any we'es
got in Tennessee, but your dang'd green gages,

swear the be'es harder than rifle bullets."
He mistook Mo'et's best sparkling for the one,
and the olives for the other.

A member from Maine, who loved to talk
during dinner, found two or three times in suc-
cession, that the plate on which he was helped
was taken away before he had scarcely tasted
what was on it, and cried out lustily to one of

116 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

the servants, " I say, you nigger, if you snatch
away my plate and after eating all the meat on't
and licking it clean as washed, placing it 'fore
me as if I had done it, I swear I'll axtinguish
you."

This, however, was not so outre as what is
asserted to have happened during General
Jackson's first presidency. A huge represent-
ative from Kentucky, missing his plate in the
same way, whenever he laid down his knife and
fork to relate some marvel of the great waters
and backwoods, determined to watch and act.
He therefore laid down his knife, and holding
his fork in his right hand, rose his eyes and be-
gan a tale of wonder: the servant on this
stretched in his arm under the Kentuckian's to
take away his plate. The latter, however, as
quick, and as surely as if he were fighting a
rifle duel, transfixed the unfortunate mulatto's
hand by lancing the fork through it and into
the table, the moment he touched the plate ; —
the Kentuckian roaring out, C( You 'tarnal fox
of a nigger thief, I've trapped you !"

With, however, a very few barbarisms such

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 11^

as these, good order and simple-mannered de-
cency were always conspicuous at the President's
tables.

At the balls, there was occasionally eccentri-
city, rough enough in its mode of phraseology.
A Down Easter, who had never been taught the
positions by a teacher of steps and attitudes,
might be seen striding up to a slender young
beauty, who had probably been not only taught
to dance quadrilles, but also to waltz — and ad-
dress her in such phrases, as " Miss, will you
shuffle ?" or, " Miss, will you jig it ?"— " reel it?"
or, " down and up the middle it ?"

Some lady-admiring beau would walk up to
a foreign minister, and say, " That 'ere smart

lass is the sylph -beautiful Miss B , of county

C ; t'other, with *■ grace in all her steps,

and heaven in her eye,' is the divine Miss D s

of New York. She's rale superfine upper-crust,*
— Her father, Mr. D , is a most respect-
able, worth more, I guess, than eight hundred
thousand dollars ;" and so on through the

* A transatlantic superlative for high rank, derived ori-
ginally from the upper crust of pumpkin pie (a favourite
article of pastry), being in high estimation. — Editob.

118 BROTHER JONATH N, OR THE

alphabet, giving to each Miss, only the initial
of her name.

Young ladies often, on either wishing to de-
cline dancing, or sometimes, when they wished
not to appear too willing to do so, would reply,
(( No, sir, much obliged."

These peculiarities of expression were likely
not to be remarked, except by foreigners ; and
taking the society at Washington altogether,
it was far less marked by absurdities of Ame-
rican stamp, than by the ridiculous imitation of
the follies and affectations of London and Paris.

What chiefly disgusted Playfair, was the
state of slavery, although slaves are treated
with less than usual severity in the district of
Columbia; and next to this the reckless-
ness of duelling. The least quarrel and the
most imaginary affront, was only to be set-
tled by rifles or pistols. General Genesis
Groorooster, and Major Methusalem Melt of
Maine, who had just pronounced a most bel-
ligerent speech against England on the u Boun-
dary Question," quarrelled about some sectional
custom ; they fought with rifles, and the re-
presentative of « Down East" was killed,

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 119

buried with funeral honours, and eulogised in
a funeral sermon. A professed duellist from
Louisiana, who had previously shot Squire
Syrian Snig, fastened an affront on Groorooster,
and it was decided they should fight with
pistols in a dark room, and after the first round
to attack each other in the dark with boivie
knives, while hundreds without the door of the
house where the duel took place waited the result.
Groorooster fired in the dark, and missed ;
the Louisianian fired instantly. Groorooster
fell, and his opponent rushed at him in the dark
to despatch him with his long knife. Groo-
rooster, at the moment he was about to receive
a mortal thrust, caught sight of the glistening
cat-like eyes of his opponent over him, and
plunged his bowie knife into the monster's
heart. Groorooster then screamed out, u It
is all done slick." The curious crowd without
opened the doors and window-shutters — rushed
in — found the Louisianian dead, and Groo-
rooster mortally wounded. The two were
buried on the same day, in the same grave-
yard, and with the usual honours and eulogies.

120 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE m

CHAPTER XIV.

MARTIN VAN BUREX.

u No eyes the rocks discover
Which lurk beneath the deep."

" Mr. Van Buren would stand a good chance in a race
where a good many are runnin, and if the ground is muddy
and slippery; for he is a master-hand at trippin folks. But
I'm afeard he'd stand a slim chance over a clear field ; and it
ain't fair to make him run so. Any man can catch a rat in a
strait race, because he ain't used to it ; but give a rat a few old
barrels and logs to dodge about, then I tell you 'tis pretty
tough work." — Major Downing.

" Physical advantages are one component part of success-
ful oratory," observes Mr. Bulwer, in speaking of Sir Robert
Peel.

"Mr. Van Buren/* said Profundus, de-
scribing the President of the United States, "is
little indebted to personal appearance, for the

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 121

distinction he has acquired in America, and on
seeing him and inquiring of his friends, or his
enemies, what has he done ? one is perplexed in
accounting for his attaining such distinction.

" In person he really looks mean. His face
is plain, but were it not for his little wretched
pale eyes, and cream-coloured eyebrows and lids,
and his hair which resembles half-bleached tow,
— it would be very expressive. It seems to tell
you a great deal as it is. He has undoubtedly
gathered, without being learned, a great stock of
common-use information ; but of all men on
earth he is the least communicative. I have
heard it asserted by those even of his own party,
that, ' he has never said any thing worth remem-
bering:1— I cannot contradict this, from any
expression that I have heard him utter.

" He is certainly more of what the French
express so well by the word habile, than a man
of great mental calibre. A politician of expedi-
ents, rather than a great statesman. He as cer-
tainly possesses the tact of flattering the demo-
crats, and by that flattery, cajoling them. His
flattery is too clumsy to dupe a well-bred well-

VOL. II. G

122 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

educated European. A Frenchwoman would
laugh outright at his almost backwoodsman-like
mal-a-droit admiration of her toilette. By the
by, I have seldom seen an American at Paris or
London from any part of the republic north of
Baltimore, who did not consider it an essential
saloon accomplishment to praise, — usually in
superlatives, — a lady's dress: and if a bonnet or
shawl, or tippet, happened to lie on a piano, table,
or sofa, who would not take it up, and turn, and
look, and praise, and ask questions about it.

" Mr. Van Buren has been nearly all his life
a non-committal. Jackson forced him to commit
himself politically, which, however, secured him
his election ; yet in committing himself he must
have thought with Macbeth,

' I am afraid to think on what I have done,
Look on 't again I cannot.'

" The only apparent, and according to English
ideas, dishonourable blemish in his character is,
that in flattering you, he endeavours to impress
on your mind his conviction of the badness of all
that is opposed to your ideas, whether it be in
regard to men or things. This is detestable.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 123

" He has another propensity or principle, — a
more cunning one too, — which he manages with
genooyne Yankee application. I regret to lay it
to the charge of many of the American diplo-
matists of the northern states whom I have met
in Europe. That propensity, or rather design
is artfully putting leading questions. This is
very apt to put honest men off their guard, and
although we may in reply say nothing injurious
to ourselves, to our friends, or to our country's
weal, putting leading questions, either in relation
to private or political affairs, is, to say the least,
impertinent. The design of putting leading
questions is, to lead us to commit ourselves :
therefore dishonest and immoral. Whenever I
discover a man putting either crookedly or sys-
tematically leading questions to me, I do not
think it worth while to quarrel with him, but I
mistrust, and bear no respect for him after-
wards."

" I am of opinion," said Playfair, " that straight-
forward honest frankness, on the part of a states-
man and diplomatist, would ensure both more
certain success, and more honourable fame, than
G 2

124 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

all the masked policy ever played off by the most
accomplished diplomates des salons"

" Of late years,'' continued Profundus, " the
American agents — especially those of the young
school — at foreign courts, attempt imitating the
latter. They do so clumsily, and at the same
time with the interweaving of putting leading
questions. It is by the latter they find out so
much. A Frenchman always replies to them;
but with all his sprightliness, he never lets slip
from his mouth a sentence that will betray him-
self, or his purpose ; and he answers the leading
question^ by giving any other information than
that which has been sought for.

" The blunt Englishman and the heavy Ger-
man, naturally speak out ; and this is what the
leading question men wish and watch for. There
is another Yankee practice of finding out things :
that is, asserting gravely, and apparently in con-
fidence, what they know not to be true, in order
that you may in the honest ardour of declaring
the truth, reveal exactly what he, the Yankee, is
desirous to worm out of you.

" I have," continned Profundus, turning round

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 125

to a senator, " had the opportunity of knowing
many of the statesmen and diplomatists and gen-
tlemen of the old school."

" Alas Vs said Mr. L , formerly American

minister at B , and now member of Con-
gress for South Carolina : * Alas !" said he,
* those gentlemen of the old school have almost
to a man disappeared from among us, and we
shall c never see their like again/ n

" I had," observed Profundus, * the honour
of knowing Jefferson and the first President
Adams, and Maddison, and Andrew Jackson,
and Lowndes, and the late De Witt Clinton, —
governor of New York, — and also the late Judge
Marshall, and other gentlemen of the old school ;
all of whom, except Jackson, the last twenty years
have sent down into the grave. They were all,
as is well known, remarkably intelligent and well-
bred men, and never put leading questions, nor
made assertions, to provoke you to reveal what
you would probably otherwise not say."

" I consider," remarked a representative from
the state of New York, " the continuance of
peace and of a good understanding between Eng-

126

BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

land and America of such high importance to
both nations, that I have studied with care, and
without the least prejudice, the characters, prin-
ciples, and abilities of those who take at present
a lead in public affairs at Washington, and who
form as it were a model school for the new race of
statesmen."

" I do not," said a Pennsylvanian, " think that
Mr. Van Buren has, unless unforeseen circum-
stances favour him beyond any probability, the
smallest chance of being re-elected, after the ex-
piration of his four years as President. The
much greater mind, but the far less expedient
one, of Andrew Jackson, has used up nearly all
the popularity under the influence of which his
successor has been elected."

" True enough," said Profundus, " for in no
country on earth is popularity a more capricious
charlatan, or more evanescent than in the United
States. In New England Van Buren had his
share of the public applause, until he committed
himself under Jackson, by giving his casting
vote on the bill relative to slavery, by which he
lost all support and reputation among the abo-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION 127

litionists. In his own state — New York — and
also in many commercial towns, his popularity
was not at a discount; but the iron hands of
Andrew Jackson plunged the non-committing
Mr. Van Buren ' head and shoulders' into the
slough of democracy, and then dragged him into
the broad front of the fiery battle against the
Bank. His New York popularity, as well as
most of the power he influenced in every com-
mercial town in the Union, vanished from that
moment, never to reappear."

" There is,5' observed Playfair, " something
melancholy in a man holding the highest exe-
cutive power of a great nation, raised too by the
national voice, tuned no doubt for the time by
his management, and this man descending at
once from his high state into obscure life. His
very existence probably forgot, unless he, like
some of the ex-presidents of the United States,
return to practice at the bar for a subsistence, or
perchance, like John Quincy Adams, be elected
as a humble representative among numerous
others of the same state at the same time to
Congress."

128 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

" In regard to England/5 observed the Penn-
sylvania^ " I believe Mr. Van Buren is by his
habits of thinking, and from policy, anxious to
maintain the most friendly understanding. On
this ground I know he entertains more than
usual fears as to the possible consequences of the
alarming turbulence which is at present mani-
festing its criminal designs in the Canadas."

" He comprehends, also," said Profundus,
6< the elements of the American Union, and the
sectional interests and prejudices of the parti-
cular states too intimately, not to apprehend the
dangers which menace the Union from within.
He knows also full well that the international
commerce carried on between England and the
United States, however important to the former,
is, even upon the basis of the credit given by
the British subject to the American citizen, vital
to that enterprise, activity, and progress which
are so remarkable in the United States. A war
with England, whether arising from a break-up
in Canada or any other cause, would arrest this
commerce. Such a war would, it must be ad-
mitted, be highly injurious to England : first, in

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 129

regard to the supply of raw cotton required by
her manufacturers, — secondly, in respect to na-
vigation and the interchange of commodities ge-
nerally,— and thirdly, as bearing upon British
finances, especially as to the revenue derived
from the duty on tobacco. But a war with Eng-
land, if continued by the latter with wisely-di-
rected vigour for a year, would be ruinous to
America, and from existing circumstances, more
than probably, break up the Union. Mr. Van
Buren, Mr. Forsyth, and Mr. Adams, are soundly
impressed with this conviction. Mr. Clay may,
in one of his oratorical flights, exclaim something
which the newspapers may call heroic upon the
subject, and Mr. Calhoun and Mr. Webster may
become eloquent in asserting that the United
States'* citizens are the first people in the world ;
but Mr. Van Buren, notwithstanding my non-
approbation of him in many respects as a states-
man, and those who may be in his cabinet for
the forthcoming year of his presidentship, will,
I am convinced, direct their policy to maintai
to the utmost a good understanding with Eng-
land."

g3

130 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

" Mr. Van Buren," remarked Playfair, " being
himself, as I find, remarkably mistrustful of
others, there is one point on which the Queen of
England's ministers should be mistrustful of him :
that is, the view which Americans take of the
boundary question, as well in regard to the dis-
puted territory, including many millions of the
best-timbered acres, and richest soil too, of New
Brunswick, but also to a vast region between the
Rocky Mountains and the Pacific. A region
which I have made a voyage to, and in itself an
empire in extent, indented with fine harbours, —
decked with islands^ — watered by magnificent
rivers, — with plentiful fisheries, — with a genial
climate, — fertile soil, — and valuable timber. The
Russians already occupy a portion of its terri-
tories on the north, and are yearly pushing their
aggressions south. The Americans claiming also
so much of it on the north, that the rights of
England seem as if inevitably destined for the
hungry stomachs of imiuearied Jonathan and the
insa tiable Czar,"

" Beware, John Bull !" said Profundus, in an
impressive voice and utterance, — " Beware thee,

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 131

therefore, of the aggression pointed out to thee :
— those of Nicholas, and of Martin Van Buren.
Both, however, will only act opportunely."

" We have now/' said Play fair, u spoken of
the President as a politician and statesman,
what is his character as a man ?"

" As a man," replied Profundus, ' { he has per-
sonally a generous heart, and I believe in every
relation, except political, with his fellow men, he
is perfectly honest. He is also said to be in pri-
vate life a strictly virtuous man. He writes with
cleverness rather than with elegance or power.
He speaks well on a given subject, but he is
certainly defective in conversational language,
and in manners. To narrate agreeably, or to
delight others, in the art in which the French
excel — Part de causer, he must needs be re-
created."

* Now," asked Playfair, " after all this de-
scription, how has he arrived at the distinction of
being elected to the highest executive power in
the government of eighteen millions of citizens
and slaves ?'*

132 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

" Or, in Schiller's words,'1 observed Pro-
fundus,

" What is the short meaning of this long discourse ?"* *

" Perhaps Jack Downing has explained it/'f
said the senator : " for the accomplishment of no
great measure, except it be his own election, is,
either by friends or enemies, ascribed to Mr. Van
Buren."

" To me," observed Profundus, " it appears,
that being one of the most useful instruments on
earth to cut and carve with, in the hands of Ge-
neral Jackson, has alone elevated him to the
presidentship."

* " Was ist der langer Rede kiirzen Sinn/' — Wallenstein.
i See the head of this and the following chapter.— Editor.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 133

CHAPTER XV.

MERIT AND DEMERIT.

" Ei'ery man should be as good as possible, but not suppose
himself to be the only thing that is good." — Pi.ottik.

# c Major,' says Mr. Van Buren one day, < I
wish you would do all the talking with them here
manufacturing folks — you have a knack that
way/

" * Well,3 says I, ' I don't know but I have ; —
but,' says I, ' Mr. Van Buren, I guess you can
talk as glib as most folks/

" So he can, for I do raly believe if Mr. Van
Buren was to set up a factory, he would turn out
cloth that would suit every kind of living cretur,
and no one could tell whether it was made of

134 . BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

cotton or flax, hemp or wool, — twilled or plain,
or striped, or checked, — but little of all on 'em.
I never see such a curious cretur as he is. Every
body likes him, and he likes every body3 and he
is just like every body ; and yet in all the droves
of folks I have seen since I left Washington, I
never seed any body like Mr. Van Buren. Enos
Lymer got a painter to try to git a likeness of
Mr. Van Buren, for his sign-board to the tavern
on the road to Taunton. c Well now,' says I,
1 just put up your brushes; you may just as well
try to paint a flash of heat lightning in dog-days/
But he tried it, and the sign -board looks about as
like Mr. Van Buren, as a salt cod-fish looks like
a pocket-hankercher."

Such is Jack Downing's delineation of the
President of the United States. On returning
from the " White House," after the reception,
characters and their politics were again discussed
by the party assembled at * Federal Hall" draw-
ing-room, and Van Buren had his ample share of
unmeasured praise and unreserved abuse.

" Martin Van Buren is now a doomed man,
I concludes," -said a grave senator from Philadel-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 135

phia. a Public opinion in our city have sat in
jury over him, and have given in a verdict of
guilty against, and passed sentence of Carnal
death upon Jacksonism and Van Burenism."

u New York has nullified the Van Deceptionist,
who has come in after the bank and trade Lyncher/5
exclaimed a representative of the city of brokers.

" You are all in down-dark wrong/7 exclaimed
a worky of the Union for levelling the education
of the rich, — " Martin Van is the uprightest man
in the Carnal universe — he is a hole-hog democrat,
and I be's a rale helephant of an hole-hog demo-
crat— here-go, that's low-cheek,* Van Buren
is the rale genooyne for to be re-elected Presi-
dent."

" You are all at Lynch law, I guess, crucifying
Martin Van afore he's tried. I be's for leaving
him for whole-term trial," said a deputy from
Kentucky.

" I guess I shall do likewise/" twanged an
abolitionist from Connecticut ; " but I calculates
if he does not commend nigger liberty in his next

* Query, Ergo and Logic. — P. D.

136 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

message, all north and down east will excommu-
nicate him."

* c Messieurs ! Gentlemen, — all this is, to be
sure, very mal-honnete" remarked, with the most
graceful bow, a Floridian barrister of French
race from Tallahassee. " For premierement, en
regard to Monsieur the late le President Gene-
ral Jackson, he has toujour* been brave, very
fameuse for courage, and La Gloire, much more
great and brave general as Villaintong >' very
near as mortel as mon parent Napoleon. Gene-
ral Jackson is toujours for La Gloire, and for La
Patrie.

" Secondly, President actuel, Monsieur Van
Buren is like myself. Un Avocat tres instruit,
and Jerefore tres disti?igue : and plus like myself
and mon cher ami Thibadeau, and Vami du grand
Vazington, le General Lafayette, tout-a-fait
Republicain. Messieurs, gentlemen, I beg par-
don, but je vous prie, for la cause of V amour
propre and for dee cause of V amour de la Patrie>
to speak vid respect of Messieurs V ex-President
and of le President actuel"

" Great general, the old hero, — yes I guess,

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 137

I swear, I know, 'tarnation greater, out of all
sight, and 'tarnally more mortal than Wellington,
nor Bonaparte,'' — was the almost general shout,
— " but his war agin the Bank made him the
ivorsest of presidents," — roared the majority.

Ci As to bravery, gentlemen/' observed Play-
fair, with some earnestness, " I have no doubt that
General Jackson is as truly entitled to the repu-
tation of courage, as Alexander or Caesar, — as
Charles the Twelfth, or Frederick the Great, —
as Murat, or Napoleon, — as Marlborough, or
Wellington ! — but as to generalship, although
your hero displayed, no doubt, great bravery and
skill against the savage warriors, and defended
with undoubted gallantry the ill-planned and
worse-conducted attack against New Orleans ; yet
his opportunities were too few and on too con-
tracted a scale for history to rank his exploits in
pages, which the victories of Napoleon and Wel-
lington are destined to immortalize."

" Very properly remarked, sir," said a learned
Charlestonian. " The besetting sins of our re-
public are, flattery and boasting. To whom we
owe the first I do not know, unless it be to
France and Ireland. The latter we have in-

138 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

herited from John Bull, with the difference that
John deals in comparatives — Jonathan, in su-
perlatives."

" Losh me !" exclaimed Zekiel Ilitchrooster,*
M was there ever since the day Hendrick Van
Hudson landed on Manhattan, sich'na 'tarnal
treacherous flatterer as that 'ere Martin Van !
Johnny-Cakef choke me, if he didn't flatter old
Hickory himself, and he flatters all nature be-
sides,— and that's not the eend on'£, for when he
flatters you he scandals all he thinks you don't
like !"

" Woa! woa!" broke forth Major Jack
Downing, u that's what I seed so much on, when
we made the grand tower, and don't you mind
how he flattered them arter we returned, till they
singed him this here song?

' Come, comrades one and all,
Here assembled in the hall,
Let us sing of times past, present, and to cum.
We have every thing at stake,
And our fortunes yet to make,
And the public good is nowadays a hum.

* Originally Hitchcock, but changed under the Puritans to
the more modest name of Hitchrooster.
t Crisp bread made of Indian corn meal.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 139

' Times past have all gone by,
And old laws are all my eye,
The present and the future we are sure in ;
When the gineraVs time is up,
We'll fill again the cup,
And drink to Amos Kendle and Van Buren."

" I guess and calculates," said a co-represent-
ative from Massachusets, " the only statesman
that can prevent nullifaction, stop universal ruin,
preserve national morality, unload this most
mighty of republics from the dark disgrace of
slavery, is John Quincy Adams. All the terrible
misfortunes and judgments now hanging over us,
are caused by your not electing him President.
Look at, — read, and understand, if you can, his
glorious speech on Texas, to prove this. I am
almost inclined to make a speech in Congress dis-
playing how the holy integrity of the Union, —
how the eternal laws of liberty, and justice, and
religion, have been hunted to the very precipice
of destruction, from the majority of the people
being blindfolded into voting wrong. A crisis, —
a commercial crisis, — a Texian crisis, — an Indian,
and Negro crisis, — a more than terrible collision
of yellow and coloured, and of black and of
white, is hanging in portentous clouds over this

140 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

doomed land, and it behoves you how to prepare
for the judgment which is even now at hand."

" Not only an orator but a prophet, and a
melancholy prophet too, sir, you are, and ex-
cuse me if I say a, false prophet, — for we of the
south, at least, will fearlessly meet the judgment
you say is to fall upon the land" said the afore-
mentioned Charlestonian.

66 You talk of John Quincy Adams," observed
a representative of one of the southern slave
states; — "why that thick stumpy man is no
more than a political intriguer, a Yankee doc-
trinaire, a regular truckler for office, who, if there
were another war, would sell the Southern States
to France and the whole North to England. No
more if you please of the diplomatic John Quincy,
who would govern the people only by deceiving
them."

M Really, gentlemen," said a citizen of Albany,
" this is depreciating Mr. Adams below all de-
serts. I am not of his politics, but the moral,
sedate, circumspect, cautious, reserved, grave
John Quincy Adams, is a good, and more, he is
a great man, albeit (except about Texas and

SMARTEST NATTON IN ALL CREATION. 141

abolition and nullification, in which he speaks
just as I would, and ergo right) he is a dry-rot
politician*

u Calhoun is the genooyne for President/' said
another from the south, " and Crawford for Vice.
There be'es but one Calhoun and one Crawford in
the Union ; nor can you find such transcendent
orators and statesmen, upon the whole universe,"

" Calhoun/' shouted a Cincinnatti citizen, " the
gag-billerf and milliner, — a Polignac : — he has
only one virtue, and that is that he hates Van B uren."

* During the last contested election between Jackson and
Adams, the licentious virulence of the public press, exhibited
the most abominable and vulgar reciprocal abuse of the can-
didates. Among the least disgusting we have read —

" Andrew Jackson the base-born son of an English black-
guard soldier, who had been cat-o' -nined once a week in the
island of no liberty, and then ran off to the slave states, where
he and a nigger woman, became the father and mother of old
Hickory. Free citizens don't 'tarnally disgrace yourselves by
voting for him."

From the papers which libelled Adams, we find the follow-
ing as one of the least indecent; being a toast given at a
great election dinner:

" Here's John Quincy Adams, may he get sick on Sunday
— grow worse on Monday — send for a doctor on Tuesday —
die on Wednesday — be judged on Thursday — be d — d on
Friday, — and sent to h — 1 on Saturday."

If this be wit j let it for ever remain: loco-foco wit J—
Editor.

t Calhoun brought in the celebrated bill, providing for ex-

142 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

" Mr. Calhoun," said one of his admirers (a
lawyer too), " the Roscius of statesmen and of
lawyers, — the Godwin of reasoners, — will bear
down, by the moral tempest of his eloquence, all
the barbarism and presumption of ignorance and
injustice; and Mr. Crawford,* who began by
teaching the young idea how to shout, progressed
regularly at the bar and in the senate, as a di-
plomist and a statesman, until he has become the
soundest-minded man, in these invincible states.
He who has the trancendent high-birth gift of
heaven, mens sana in corpore sano, — he, I say,
should, and must be your chief magistrate.,,

" Crawford of Georgia," replied an impatient
spirit of a Rode Island representative, " is only
to be held up to popularity, as the turbulent
citizen of intrigue and corruption ; who made his
embassy to France, and his secretaryship of the
treasury, subservient to his own interests, I wotes
for a tarnal obscuration to him/5

"Now, gentlemen/' said General Squattfire

amining the post-office mails passing through the slave states
for all papers relating to slavery.

* Crawford began life, as many of the advocates of the
United States have, in the character (very humble in that
country) of a schoolmaster. He then became a lawyer ;-—
then in the not unusual course, a politician.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL, CREATION. 143

from Ohio, iC I have been till now all close-jaw,
and both ears and eyes broad awake, — and now
gouge me, if yees have not overjumped the only
Pollytrechean,* who can 'tarnal/y knotty fy this
everlasting great United States together — we've
one most terribly shamefying crime agin us, in
this here kitchen kabinets and kongreases: this
is, as I guess, forgetting gratitude. Now you
here doos, wot we never doos at Sincinhaty.f
Yeer all skrinkyfying for yeerselves, to git into
place, power, and glory, and never but for to be
forgetting gratitude. I calculates that's wy ye've
not made president of Henny Klay of Kentucky,
and then heelected KaladeenJ wot ud mad'n sich
a managing man at the treasury. Ganderpluck
and turtlesnap me, how gratitude's forgitted wid
Pollytrecheans ! or how wid Klay and Kaladeen,
who so beated the British at Kent,§ and gitted
the Konfoundland Kods,\\ for them there un-
gratefulable Down Easters, and such lashuns of
millions of dollars, for them there Buckskins, more
nor they wid sell for in Chalstone 7ca^/e-market,
for a lot of old goodfurnutting niggers, that

* Query, Politician ?— P. D. § Query, Ghent ?— P. D.

t Query, Cincinnati ? — P. D. || Newfoundland cod-fisheries

; Query, Clay and Galatin ? — P. D. no doubt. — Editor.

144 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

rinned off to king Heenglan's ships. I am Ge-
neral Squattfire, and no snake, but will fight any
man, with rifle or halligaier, and I swears, Klay
and Kaladeen are the mighty smart men for pre-
sident and treasurer, and I have already made
pottery* of klay, and I will have all Tennessee
and Kentucky vote him President, for,

" Let the result be wot it may,
The best among urn's made of Klay."

" Henry Clay," said a sober representative
from the Jerseys, " is indeed a most plausible,
eloquent, fiery orator, but he, like John Quincy
Adams, is a traitor and conspirator. When he
was fourth on the election for President, did he
not conspire with John Quincy to the end that,
if he, Henry Clay, would retire, and let John
Quincy in, that Quincy would make Clay secre-
tary of state, — and then, my friends, you remem-
ber how all down east and far west, and up north
and down south, cried scandal, and shame, and
corruption. I am, for one, of a mind that the
majority is not always in the right, but that the
minority — that's the lawyers, are, as I have ever
se'ed, always right for themselves,
* Query, Poetry 1~ P. D.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 145

" We, I calculate, have honest lawyers
mongst us/* observed a precise and scholar-like
gentleman from Massachusets. " Daniel "Web-
ster is, in himself, the representative of every
virtue under heaven, — of every noble gift which
God could bestow upon the human mind, — of
every acquirement which can distinguish the
great orator in eloquence, the honest senator in
legislation, the perfect gentleman in society.

" From the corruption which has been honey-
combing our once immaculate constitution and
government — from the infidelity sown in the land
by the atheistical Jefferson — from the corrup-
tion, dishonesty, and venality, caused by the
lust for office and power, and from the sinful
thirst for filthy lucre, that drieth up the morality
of the soil, consecrated by the footsteps of the
pilgrim fathers, and hallowed by producing
Washington, Franklin, and the bold signers
of our glorious independence, — from the more
than rottenness with which slavery has diseased
the great republic, the election and re-election
of Daniel Webster as President, can, my friends,
alone save us."

Selah Patch, an old pioneer settler from near

VOL. II. H

146 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

Fort Meigs, sprung from his repose on three chairs,
and in a hollow screaming voice, spoke forth,
" Squires, I swears Tip, that is, Tippecanoe, for
shortness, is the hero for president ; I wows that
General Harrison, whom we calls Tip, the con-
queror of Fort Meigs, of Tippecanoe, who slayed
Tecuraseh, and crucified all the Britishers and
the Ingins, has more glory nor Bonnypart, nor
Wellington, nor old Hickory, — so I swears and
will fight to the long bowy knife, till we make
Tip — Tip — Tip — Tippecanoe president !"

" Now, gentlemen/' said an honest farmer and
innkeeper from Kennebec, " I do raly conclude
that we have had much speechification and no
conclusion, for we have in all this here states
such a raft of terribly smart Polytecheans* for
to say all manner of scandalization on one side,
and all manner of flatteryfication on t'other, that
we'ed not better progress wid any of the mighty
folks we have not yet speechified about, and leave
Mr. Biddle and Mr. Rives, and Mr. Legare, and
Mr. Duffey, and Mr. Binney, and Mr. Arthur
Tappan, the antiniggerist (what the slave-states

* Probably politicians. If not poli-teachers, or teachers of
all things.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 147

offered such a terrible price for lynching or cru-
cifying, and whom old Hickory's bank-war has
just bankrupted) and just leave Mr. Forsyth,
and Chief Justice Tanny, and all dee oder hoffi-
cials, 'cept the honestest patrioticalist citizen,
and bravest ginral in all this universal states ; and
that is Major Jack Downing, of Downingville, and
commander of all the meeleesher of that 'er city.
He's the chap for a rale smart President, I says,
and all down east says so, and, as I guess, will
make him so too."

Honest Jack, who had been whittling a stick*
to pass the time away, or listen, sprung on his
legs — marched up and down the drawing-room,
whistled " Yankee Doodle," and then spoke*
" No ! may I be first 'tarnally disposited in one
of the gineral's pet banks."

With this ended the Federal Hall drawing-
room debate, as to the merits and demerits of
those who had made pretensions to fill the office
of President.

* Whittling, or cutting, or chipping wood with a knife, is
considered so indispensable a stimulant for a New Englander,
that at Charleston they say it is necessary to provide a
Yankee, if you invite him to your house, with a shingle'or
a piece of board, to prevent him whittling or chipping your
mahogany with his knife. — Editor.

H 2

148 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XVI.

SALTING THE CATTLE.

" Mankind were created to be duped, and the ablest of men
is he who can dupe all the rest." — Maxim of Talleyrand,]

Among the many anecdotes which Playfair
heard at Federal Hall, the following amused him
as one of the characteristics of universal suf-
frage, liberty, bamboozling, and vote by ballot.

" John Cramer, of Saratoga, and Martin Van
Buren were both members of the convention held
some years ago for tinkering the constitution of
New York state. They always sat side by side.
One day John got up, and proposed a resolution
extending the elective franchise e to all creation;9
enforcing it by a capital democratic speech about
'liberty — 4th July — the light of reason — wa-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 149

tional rights — man and nature — pure patriots
of the revolution — stripes and stars — -flashing
flre — blood — brimstone — thunder — saltpetre —
and glory.' When John sat down and wiped
his brow, Martin looked gravely at John; and
then leaning towards him, said whisperinglu,
' John, don't you think that resolution of yours
is a leetle too democratic ? — Don't you think it
going a leetle too far!' — e Oh no,' replied John,
shaking his noddle solemnly, — ' oh no, not a bit
too democratic — not a bit.' — f Really I think it
is,' said Van Buren, * I do indeed.' — e Lord bless
you !' replied John, c I don't mean it to pass/ —
* Oh,' rejoined Van, c there is a difference. But
what do you mean it for?' — ' Nothing,' replied
John, c but to salt the cattle for the fall elec-
tions? "

When Playfair first heard the term u salting
the cattle" the idea of salt junk* was instantly
conveyed with the expression ; but as all coun-

* Salt junk, beef which has been salted so long as to be
named, from its hardness or toughness, junk (a piece of old
cable), by the sailors. — Editor.

150 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

tries have their sayings, why should not America
have hers ? So she has, and their growth in this
soil is as rapid as that of vegetables on the allu-
vions of the Mississippi.

"Children,'' observed Profundus, " are often
told in England, with other e make-believes' of
the nursery and school education, which prepare
them for telling fibs when young, and falsehoods
when they grow up, that if they will only throw
a little salt upon birds' tails, the latter will sub-
mit to be caught.

a The birds, however3 will not submit tohave
their tails salted, and consequently will not be so
caught. They will not be salted, that is, duped,
but human bipeds have always been, and for
aught we can perceive, will continue to be salted
or duped.

u The swinish multitude, in England, — the Jlnest
pisantry on earth, in Ireland, — and the canny
folks of Scotland, are almost synonymous with
e the cattle1 in Brother Jonathan's country.

"When Wilkes wrote his political pamphlets,
and made speeches in Westminster, he was then
salting the swinish multitude.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 151

" When Sir Francis Burdett wrote in Cobbetts
Register, and pronounced the speeches which
honoured him with an apartment in the Tower,
he also was ' salting the swinish multitude,9

" When, in the prudence of old age, the hoary
baronet lately addressed to the electors of West-
minster a tory speech, and when he at the same
time declared that his principles were unchanged ;
this was attempting, like the children to catch
the birds, to salt the swinish multitude for the
baronet's election.

u. When Baron Brougham, as Mr. Brougham,
addressed the men of Yorkshire, and declared
solemnly that he had, in representing them in
parliament, attained the highest eminence of
honour, above which his ambition would never
attempt to soar; this was indeed salting the
swinish multitude. He not only salted but larded
them. To his palate, the electors were indeed
good Yorkshire bacon.

" When the gentlemen of Liverpool, at the
time Mr. Canning was prime minister, gave Mr.
Brougham 'a feed/ as Cobbett termed it, and
when Mr. Brougham, on alluding to the period

152 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

when he was a candidate for representing them —
the incorruptible freemen of that borough, — and
to his having been successfully opposed by Mr.
Canning, said, c Gentlemen, the latter now
holds the highest power under sovereignty, and
I, not in power, am endeavouring with my poor
abilities, to support him in power. Gentlemen,
power in itself is not to be desired — the only
power which a good man would desire, is that
for which even an angel from the purity of
heaven might condescend to visit this impure
earth, and stoop over the ground to gather it
up — that is, the power to do good!' Was this
not, with truly lawyerlike modesty, salting the
swinish multitude, for the purpose of enabling
Henry Brougham to attain the power he pre-
tended to despise ?

66 When Harry of Exeter roars that ' the
church (that is the livings and bishops' revenues)
is in danger/ and alarms all the evangelicals
with the cno popery"' cry ; and the fearful spread-
ing of socialism, this is the way which a church-
man fond of power, salts the swinish multitude
for elections, to uphold the state, merely because
the church is spliced into the state.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 153

" When Daniel O'Connell thundered about
rapale, when he made speeches at Clare, at
Kerry, and at Dublin, when he denounced poor-
rates, — when he got up a run upon the bank of
Ireland, — when he opposed, and opposes any but
voluntary maintenance for the catholic clergy, —
when he exhorted the Catholics to deal with no
tradespeople who did not vote for multiplying the
joints of his tail, — and when he gathers his rint,
and still roars rapale; — this has all been and is
done for, and by salting the finest pisantry in
the ivorld.

"When the Dundases extended all possible
favours to the wise generation of the north, —
when the Lords Melville made their annual
visits to Edinburgh, and mounted to the garrets
of ten-story-high houses in the odoriferous Cow-
gate and High-street, to show that they had not
forgotten any of the old maids and widows of
yore, and when they shook hands with all the
magistracy and other gude gentry of Auld Ree-
kie, this was merely salting the canny folks of
Scotland for the elections.

" When Sir Robert Peel, on being elected
h3

154 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

Lord Rector, made an Etonian speech to the
booing principal and professors, and to the ex-
pectant students of Glasgow University, and
when he dined with and made a high -church
speech to the bloated punch-drinking presbyterian
descendants of the deacons and baillie Jarvis's of
that ancient city ; — in troth, that was a most
ingenious way of salting the weaving chiefs,
and Demerara planters of Glasgee"

"With such notable examples before him,"
remarked Playfair, "why, indeed, should not
Jonathan salt the cattle for the fall elections?"

" When Mr. Van Buren," continued Pro-
fundus, " accompanied General Jackson to the
north on the c grand tower/ before the general
became unpopular, and when Mr. Van Buren,
made neat speeches at meetings, and said the
most flattering things to the ladies, and went to
the most puritanical places of worship, and never
said one word against abolition ; this was said to
be the most smart way in all creation, for salting
the cattle for their fall elections."

" When rational men countenance the hungry
ghosts of preachers who rave at the revivals, and
bring them home to smoking-hot suppers, this

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 155

is merely done by way of salting the cattle for
their fall election.*

u When a representative from Maine, made
lately a furious speech in Congress about British
atrocity, — the boundary question, — and disputed
territory and possession of what he said was one

* Some account of these extraordinary excitements will
likely be told hereafter.

The proceedings and scurrility which precede elections,
and the parade of the several parties are best illustrated by a
few quotations from the American newspapers.

" Log Cabins. — The whigs of Albany raised a log cabin last
Saturday. The Argus says, there was no enthusiasm except
what was raised by artificial means — hard cider, and something
harder still. The whig papers contradict the Argus, and give
an animated account of the proceedings."

The hard-cider drinkers, are a class midway between the old
rum-drinkers and teetotallers. Log cabins, or huts, are erected
to show the republican principle in its rude simplicity instead
of the luxury and refinement of cities and comfortable
houses. — Editor.

" Taking the Census.— A new and important movement in
Loco-foco tactics (or, as the Irishman said at New York, taking
the sinces of the people). — Thus whilst the whigs are hurrahing
and shouting, and swilling hard cider, and singing songs, and
making fools of themselves, and disgusting quiet and decent peo-
ple by their insane orgies and indecent desecration of the sab-
bath, and swelling and blowing themselves out until they are'"
nearly ready to burst, —the Loco-focos, stealthily and quietly ,
each like a lean and hungry Cassius, are going about, taking the
census, finding out exactly how the country stands, and how
their party stands, and talking about banks, and prices, and
corn, and labour, and monopolies, and instilling their peculiar

156 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

third of Maine, but which every impartial man
will decide to belong to New Brunswick. This
speech was just made to be printed in the Wash'
ington Globe, to salt all the cattle down east for
the next fall election,

doctrines in their own way into the minds of thousands'
and ascertaining all the strong and all the weak points alike
of their friends and foes." — New York Herald.

" On Thursday," writes a correspondent from Saratoga,
" the whigs (Harrison's party) issued a notice for a ' Tippe-
canoe meeting,' this was followed l>y another from the Loco-
focos, for a 'jackass meeting,' probably meaning themselves.
Preferring to attend the ' Tippecanoe,' I found myself at the
place of meeting, a pine grove on the hill west of the village,
with a sort of demi-pulpit, and a ladder leading up to it.
There were some twelve hundred collected, of which a great
part were loafers (swindlers), many soap-locks (slippery fel-
lows), some pickpockets, about fifty women, and exactly
seventeen ladies and a negress. After this meeting was or-
ganized, a Mr. Bradford was called for ; he hustled and bustled
his way to the rostrum, barking his shins on the ladder, and
nearly toppling down on his nose in efforts to appear cool and
unembarrassed.

" He commenced by an apology for his embarrassment,
occasioned by the crowd of seventeen ladies, some women,
and the negress, who composed the fair sex of the meeting ;
promised courtesy in his remarks, a determination to refrain
from personalities, and a strict conformity to the subject,
&c. This is the usual rant to gather steam. Consistent to
his principles, he began by abusing the other party, and
thumping a board placed before him to prevent his blows
falling on the heads of' the innocent democrats : said they were
ashamed of their candidate, called themselves Jacksonmen,

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 157

(e Finally, all the c whole-hog speeches* which
appear in the countless loco-foco, and log-cabin
newspapers, all the flattery, andall the licentious-
ness of the press, consist merely, of salting the
cattle for the fall elections.

and raised hickory-trees, promising the people the good fiuits
of the hickory if they would let it stand; but, alas ! keeping all
the nuts themselves, and giving the whigs nothing but hickory
switchings ; he was overcome by the sad picture, — paused,
drank a glass of Congress -water, and went on, steaming away
in personalities, &c ' Rotation in office,' said he. ' This rota-
tion in office is rotation from the parlour to the kitchen ; is
rotated from General Jackson to Mr. Van Buren ; they have
already named Thomas H. Benton as his successor; next to
him in rotation is Amos Kendall j but lower than that it has
not entered into the mind of man to conceive." The audience
began to feel sleepy. I felt the contagion I now and then
heard above the snoring — Catiline of America — little. Presi-
dent— Kinderhook — cabbages — hard cider — Tippecanoe — spirit
of '76 — striped snakes — ladies garters, &c. He became
medical and noisy ; he ^said the prescriptions of the Loco-
foco party were of the homoeopathic order, aggravating the
symptoms that the patient may get well ; and came to the sage
conclusion that the party would never die of a political
dyspepsia, &c."

"Thankful for small favours. — The democrats are
chuckling over the avowal of Governor Troup, that he has
no preference between the two great rival parties in the
country. The Governor says : ' I have pretty much the same
confidence in both (democrats and whigs). The one set have been
already in office to steal and plunder ; the other have yet to come.' "

158 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XVIL

CONGRESS.

" La volont^ nationale est un des mots dont les intriguants
de tous les temps, et les despots de tous les ages, ont les plus
largement abuseV'

The executive as well as the legislative bodies,
— that is the President, the Senate, and the
House of Representatives, are elected by the
universal suffrage (negroes, coloured and white
slaves not included) of the sovereign people. If
the majority be right, that majority is indeed
eccentric in its rectitude ; for it elects a senate,
as we have lately witnessed in direct variance
with the executive, which a majority of the same
people in its wisdom has thought fit to elect, and

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 159

a House of Representatives often contradictory to
both.

" Are these elections/' asked Playfair, '* the
will, or do they arise from the sufferance, of the
people? Or are the unthinking many cajoled
by the thinking, or by the designing few J*

u I have no hesitation," replied Profundus,
" that the thinking, designing few will long
continue, perhaps always, to lead and govern
the many. But rest assured, that the more in-
telligent and prosperous the governed man?
become, the less will they, in all countries, be
oppressed by the governing few."

160 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XVIII.

THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.

" Lorsque vous entrez dans la salle des representatives ii
Washington, vous vous sentez frappe' de l'aspect vulgaire de
cette grande assemblee. L'oeil cherche souvent en vain dans son
sein un homme c61ebre. Presque tous ses membres sont des
personnages obscurs, dont le nom ne fournit aucune image a la
pensee." — De Tocqueville.

" Had M. de Tocqueville/' observed Pro-
fundus, " in his mind's eye the Chamber of De-
puties when he sketched the House of Repre-
sentatives of the United States, — an assemblage
which arrested him by its vulgar aspect, among
whom the eye sought in vain for a celebrated
man, because its members are obscure persons ?"

" With great deference," continued Pro-
fundus, " to the many highly-gifted, learned, and

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 161

scientific men who represent the electoral colleges
of France, who are certainly not obscure, 'and
whom e their grateful country may justly de-
light to honour/ and with deference also to
M. de Tocqueville himself, who is really a man
of talent, although his perceptions may not be
always clear, nor his conclusions sound, we do
presume to say, that as far as the physical and
moral aspect of the House of Representatives at
Washington may be in question, it has as little
meanness in the individuality of its tout ensemble,
as the Chamber of Deputies, yea, or even the
Chamber of Peers, at Paris. The legislative
book of America looks, in fact, much more
sterling in its appearance, but not so neatly
trimmed and decorated in its binding as that
of France. That is, the deputies are dressed
uniformly in the neat fashion of Paris. The
representatives of America, decently, if not fa-
shionably attired.

" Now as to the ability, the fitness for legis-
lation, although there are few, if any, MM.
Thiers, Guizots, Berryers, or Barrots, and not one
La Martine, in the House of Representatives,
there are several Dupins and Laffittes, and tak-

162 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

ing the judgment of the whole as to any great
question, we would trust more to its sober sound-
ness where self' did not, as in negro slavery, the
wavering balance shake, than to the result of a
division in the Chamber of Deputies, yea, or
even to a division in the British House of Com-
mons."

"What? The House of Commons!" ex-
claimed a well-dressed Englishman, just arrived
from Canada, " Compare the Commons House
of Parliament, the essence of England's wisdom,
to an assemblage of democrats !"

11 Yes !" said Profundus ; " from what I wit-
nessed a year ago in London, the British House
of Commons is either the most incapable, or
most disinclined house of business in the world.
How so ? Because instead of being a deliberative
assemblage of impartial legislators, it is a House of
Parties, commonly occupied in fighting for party
interests, and not seldom in arguing vain theories,
while the practical and really useful subjects of
legislation are delayed from session to session.

" Now/' continued Profundus, " although a
very great proportion of the House of Representa-
tives are honest farmers, militia colonels, and

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 163

sometimes a few innkeepers and handicraftsmen,
and although there are too many of those
blotches on all legislation, political lawyers and
cattle-salters in the number, yet all matters of
necessary usefulness are somehow or other got
through with, before the session closes.

* The House of Representatives has among
its members several men gifted exactly with
those business abilities, which would rank them
high as legislators in any country.

u John Quincy Adams the ex-president, and
who has been also secretary of state, and
minister at several European courts, and
formerly professor of belles lettres, is by some
styled altogether a literary man, and no states-
man ; by others a reserved diplomate, who be-
lieves to deceive is the way to govern'; — others
represent him as the best of men, who would
never use his power like Jackson, to do harm ;
while his supposed federalism has been the
cause of such opposition, or want of support,
on the part of the democrats, as to prevent him
from doing the great public good which the
excellence of his heart dictated.

164 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

u He is, in my opinion, an honest man, — and
a clear-headed statesman : — a facility of compre-
hension, sound judgment, extensive knowledge,
a polished mind, and persevering application,
are the characteristics which are most remark-
able in Mr. Adams. He has little imaginative
power, and bases his ideas on experience, not
on theory. As a speaker and man of business
he reminds me very much of your Mr. Hus-
kisson. He is a more learned man than the
latter was, and speaks somewhat more floridly.
In a country like England, where a statesman
has, until perhaps now, had some chance of
maintaining a high post as a public man, Mr.
Adams would have risen, I think, above the
position which Mr. Huskisson held. But in
America, democracy and universal suffrage
pull down, each fresh election, every man
who may have spent his days and nights
like Mr. Adams, in acquiring knowledge, from
whatever position his abilities may have ele-
vated him to or fitted him for.

* Mr. Adams, who is as true a patriot as
ever country gave birth to, is, at the same

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 165

time, by associations and by principles, sincerely
attached to England. He is also fully con-
vinced that the American republic is already too
extensive to render it wise policy to possess
more territory, — that the Americans should not
covet, either part of the British colonies on
the one side, or Texas on the other ; and he
lately delivered in the House of Representatives
a most argumentative speech on the subject of
the latter, accompanied by a resolution* which
brought the dangers of that annexation, es-
pecially in respect to slavery, before the house.
Ci The annual and two-yearly elections
usually sending the old members back to their
respective solitudes^ we suddenly miss those
who have had some brief notoriety : Crawford
is not now heard of 5 Binney a man of talent
and a gentleman, is quiet in Pennsylvania.
Maclean is sitting judging local disputes ; Mac
Duffie storms not in Congress about nulli-

* This resolution was — u Resolved, that the power of an-
nexing the people of an independent foreign state to this
Union, is not delegated to Congress, nor to the executive, nor
to any department of the government, but is reserved to the
veople"

166 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

fication, but Legare, a much abler man, has just
replaced him.

" There is a Mr. Pinkney in the legislature,
but not the William Pinkney of Maryland, who
was an orator and a man of genius by nature.
There are, however, several talented men and
good speakers in the house, and I have heard as
much incorrect language, as much dull prosing
as, and more nonsense in your House of Com-
mons than, in the House of Representatives.

" True, some plain farmers* and other land-
holders do not usually speak according to
syntax ; but they seldom speak at all, leaving
that to the orators; and when they do, it is
merely to give their opinion. The loco-foco,
the whole hog, the nullificators, and the slavery-
supporters form the violent sections of the re-
presentation."

* All farmers properly so called in America are landed pro-
prietors to an important extent, and such country innkeepers
as are sent to the state legislature, are generally at the same
time large farmers. — Editor.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 167

CHAPTER XIX.

FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

" Je ne connais pas de pays oti il regne en general moins
d'independance d'esprit et de veritable liberte de discussion,
qu'en Amerique.

" Parmi la foule immense qui, aux Etats Unis, se presse
dans la carriere politique, j'ai vu bien peu d'hommes qui
montrassent cette virile candeur — cette male independance de
la pensee qui a souvent distingue les Ame>icains dans les
temps anterieurs, et qui, partout oil on la trouve, forme le
trait saillant des grands caracteres." — De Tocqueville.

Several questions, especially those touching
on the abolition of slavery, carry away the un-
derstanding of members, and occasion as much
confusion and noise as may be witnessed in the
House of Commons or the Chamber of Depu-
ties. This had just occurred, on the occasion
of Playfair and Profundus being present in the
House of Representatives.

168 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

The district of Columbia, in which stands
Washington, is a slave district ; and Mr. Slade,
of Vermont,— '-an honest representative and one
of the principle orators, submitted a motion for
the abolition of the slave-trade, and slavery in
the state of Columbia, and for referring a peti-
tion on the subject to a select committee. He
opened and exposed the whole horrible question
with great eloquence and reasoning, and even
contended that the Bible and the writings of
the apostles proved the iniquity and abomina-
tion of slavery. He then referred to the most
remarkable subsequent authorities, and to the
glorious example of England. He quoted from
Sterne, as follows :

" ' Nobody but a poor negro-girl, with a
bunch of white feathers slightly tied to a cane,
flapping away flies — not killing them/

" ' 'Tis a pretty picture/ said my uncle Toby ;
c she had suffered persecution, Trim, and had
learned mercy/

" * She was good, an' please your honour,
from nature as well as from hardships ; and
there are circumstances in the story of that

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 169

poor slut that would melt a heart of stone,' said
Trim ; ' and on some winter's evening, when
your honour is in the humour, they shall be
told you with the rest of Tom's story, for they
make a part of it.'

" ' Then do not forget, Trim/ said my uncle
Toby.

" * A negro has a soul, and please your ho-
nour,' said the corporal doubtingly.

" e I am not versed, corporal, in things of
that kind,' quoth my uncle Toby ; c but I sup-
pose God would not have left him without one,
any more than thee or me9

u * It would be putting me sadly over the head
of another/ quoth the corporal.
" ' It would be so/ said my uncle Toby.
« ' Why, then, an' please your honour, is a
black wench to be used worse than a white
one V

" e I can give no reason/ said my uncle
Toby—

" e Only/ cried the corporal, shaking his
head, ' because she has no one to stand up for
her.'

VOL. II. I

1?0 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

" e 'Tis that very thing, Trim/ quoth my
uncle Toby, * which recommends her to protec-
tion— and her- brethren with her ; 'tis the for-
tune of war which has put the ivhip into our
hands now — where it will be hereafter, Heaven
knows ! — but be it where it will, Trim, the
brave will not use it unkindly.'

" ' God forbid P said the corporal.

" c Amen P responded my uncle Toby, laying
his hand upon his heart."

Had a shell ready to burst been thrown
across the Atlantic into the Capitol, from the
mortier momtre of Antwerp, greater confusion
could scarcely have arisen than before the con-
clusion of Mr. Slade's speech.

The representatives of the slave states be-
came violently excited, and threatened a sepa-
tion of political interests between the northern
and southern states. The following brief re-
port— a specimen, too, of American writing —
was drawn up for Playfair :

" Mr. Legare, of South Caroline, took the
floor (by leave of Mr. Slade), and implored that
gentleman to , withhold his remarks for one

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. l7l

night at least, that he might have an opportu-
nity to reflect on the consequences of his ac-
tion. Mr. Legare indulged a copious flood of
remarks, mild, warm, yet persuasive in them-
selves, and calculated in an eminent degree to
reach the hearts of all.

u In the name of Almighty God, — in the
name of our common country — in the united
names of justice and mercy, in the name of all
that is pure above and rational below — by all
that is sacred and holy — by all that was dear to
man, or worthy the adoration of angels, he
begged, he implored, he conjured the gentle-
man from Vermont to abandon the speech he
had commenced, and thus suffer peace to be
restored to their beloved country.

" Such a burst of passion, such a storm of
eloquence never before escaped the lips of mor-
tal man. St. Augustine at Rome, St, Paul in
the pulpit, Brutus before the people, or Mark
Antony in the market-place of the city of the
Caesars, in their proudest days, never appeared
so imposing and attractive as did Mr. Legare on
I 2

172 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

this occasion, and the eloquence of the man
will never be erased from my memory.

" All had no effect on Mr- Slade, and he
proceeded to discuss the subject of slavery.

u Mr. Dawson, of Georgia, implored him to
desist as a man, and a lover of his country'
but all was of no avail.

" Mr. Slade was calm and collected, refused
to yield, and continued his remarks, adding to
each sentence additional food for excitement^
Mr. Wise, of Virginia, now interposed ; he was
cool and deliberate, but it was evident that he
struggled to repress the tornado that convulsed
him. He also was unsuccessful.

" Mr. Slade was firm. He had a duty to
discharge, he said, to God, his country, and his
constituents ; and whilst life and breath lasted
he would not yield.

iC Again Mr. Wise rose, calm and dispas-
sionate, and yet his wild and piercing eye and
pallid countenance indicted a fury of passion.
As the gentleman from Vermont would not
forego his designs, and as the house had nc

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 173

remedy, he, Mr. Wise, then proposed that the
delegation from Virginia should withdraw from
Congress.

«' Agreed, agreed!' responded fifty voices,
and the delegation from Virginia quitted their
seats.

* The delegation from Georgia and other states
followed their example ; and Mr. Campbell, of
South Carolina, rose and invited the whole
southern delegation, to meet in the room of
the committee of claims, to adopt such steps
as the exigences of the case may demand,
and to consider the 'propriety of dissolving the
Union,

"Thus all was confusion, excitement, and
alarm, at Washington. On the following night
the southern members were in session until
past twelve o'clock ; and after a consultation of
some hours, it was agreed that the principles of
a report introduced two sessions back by Mr.
Pinkney, with resolutions that accompanied that
report, should be agreed upon as the terms of
their return to Congress. The next morning,

174 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

therefore, the subjoined resolution was pre-
sented by Mr. Patton of Virginia :

ts That all petitions and resolutions praying
for the abolition of slavery in the district of
Columbia, and all memorials or resolutions in
relation to slavery in the different states, should
be laid upon the table without reading ! — with-
out reference ! ! — without printing ! ! I and with-
out discussion ! ! ! ! !

"After some discussion this resolution was
carried, 135 to 60. Thus the south has been
conciliated, and to all appearance the subject of
slavery has been set at rest within the walls of
the Capitol." "But," said Profundus, "at
what price has this truce been purchased ? Why,
by the sacrifice, pro tanto, of the sacred right
of petition — one of the noblest bulwarks of re-
publican freedom. It is impossible that this
restraint will be long or quietly submitted to by
the northern members and their constituents.

" Mr. Cambreling* is perhaps one of the most

* Since then appointed United States minister at the court
of St. Petersburg. — Editor.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 1 75

talented and most systematic men of business
in the house, especially in all matters of
finance ; — but a new member, Mr. Murray,
of Kentucky, delivered lately one of the
most able and clear speeches* on finance
perhaps ever pronounced within the walls
of the capital, concluding with the words of
Burns,

" Mankind are unco weak,
And little to be trusted ;

If self the wavering balance shake,
'Tis rarely right adjusted."

" Now, Mr. Murray/' exclaimed Playfair,
"in all conscience, apply the moral of these
lines to yourself, when the selfishness of your
constituents prevents you voting like an honest
man, when slavery is attempted to be alluded
to, in the representative legislation of a country,
and of a people pretending to be free ; but the
fallacy of which stands glaringly forth to your
shame, before the world, — when not one of you

* It filled more than seven closely-printed columns of the
Washington Globe (official paper), and larger than" the Lon-
don Globe.^

176 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

dares speak the truth ; which, laying your hands
on your breast, your conscience would dictate,
but which your selfishness and fears repress.

" Verily, in your boasted land of liberty,
freedom of speech is a vain fiction /"

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 1??

CHAPTER XX.

THE SENATE.

" A deux pas de la s'ouvre la salle du senat, dont l'^troite
enceinte renferme une grande partie des celebrites de l'Ame-
rique. A peine y apercoit — ou un que ne rappelle ttdte
d'une illustration recente. Ces sont d'eloquents avocats, des
g^neraux distingues, d'habiles magistrats, ou des horame
d'etats connus. Toutes les paroles qui s'echappent de cette
assemblee feraient honneur aux plus grands debats Pariemen-
taires de 1'Europe." — De Tocciuevillk.

It is perfectly true that, taking the fifty-two
senators as a body, they individually have more
the air of well-bred intelligent gentlemen than
the same number taken promiscuously out of
the lower house. Probably they have as much
so as fifty-two members taken by lot out of the
i 3

178

BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

British house of peers, even if you include
the Dukes of Argyle and Norfolk, and the Mar-
quises of Londonderry, Bute, and Waterford.

"From what," asked Playfair, "does this
difference arise between the members of both
houses of republican legislation }"

" Simply," replied Profundus, " from two
reasons, — the first is that each state, even that
of New York, with two millions of inhabitants,
being limited to sending no more than two
members to the senate, — they elect the most
highly-gifted men that will consent to be elected,
— and secondly, from their being elected for
four years instead of two years as the repre-
sentatives are, — the senators have more legis-
lative experience.

" A statesman also finds himself in a prouder
situation in the senate than in the lower house ;
— and if a man's head or heart be good for any
thing, an eminent position should make him
ambitious of justifying to the world, that he
holds that position deservedly.

" M. de Tocqueville, like most Frenchmen,
delights in the, words ' gmeraux distinguish

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 179

The Americans themselves, as Major Downing
says, are tickled with glory, and flattered by the
expression, and I have no doubt that each
military cadet at Crown Point, dreams of being
a distinguished general, whenever a second re-
bellion in Canada, — the Boundary question, —
or the misunderstanding with Mexico, shall raise,
as they say, a war.

ee I know, however, of no distinguished
generals in the Senate. With the exception o £
General Jackson, I think it will be difficult to
prove that there is one in the whole republic.
Not but that there are as many who would, by
training and experience become such, as in any
other country. But with the exception of a
few skirmishes on the Canadian frontiers
massacreing several bands of Indians since
that period, and the late bushfighting in
Texas, they have had no opportunity to earn
this boasted reputation.

" Now although there are no great warriors,
there are several distinguished citizens in the
senate.

" J. C. Calhoun of Carolina, from seniority,

180 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

from his far-spread fame, from his persevering
obstinacy in defending slavery, from his being
a far more earnest nullificator, than Daniel
O'Connell has proved himself to be a repaler,
and from his being the constant political rival
of Martin Van Buren, attracts primary at-
tention.

"He has in figure, speech, and intellectual
expression, more resemblance to Daniel Whit-
tle Harvey, than to any other public man I
recollect in your parliament. I do not think
that in other respects there is the least re-
semblance, except that both were bred lawyers,
the one to practise as an attorney, the other as
a barrister.

" Calhoun has, besides, a metaphysical mind,
a brilliancy of expression rare, and without the
pomposity of, and attempt at rhetorical flou-
rishing, so conspicuous, in American oratory.

(i He endeavours to astonish by his argu-
ments, and, except in his intemperate advocacy
of slavery, will fearlessly vote in opposition to
his constituency : rare courage, indeed, in the
United States. He was formerly secretary of

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 181

war, and he is now the greatest foe to negro
liberty. This is deplorable, and he should be
denounced for it. It withdraws from him all
honourable merit, and all the virtues ; and he
is still young enough to live to hear his name
execrated by all that is good, generous, and great
upon earth.

"The resolutions* which he recently pro-

* The first, second, and third resolutions declare, that on
adopting the constitution, each state, on voluntarily entering
into the Union, did so for mutual protection, against domestic
as well as foreign dangers : each state at the same time re-
serving its separate independent administration, while the
general government is bound to protect the domestic institu-
tions of each state, without having the power of interfering
with those institutions.

Resolution IV. declares, " That domestic slavery, as it exists
in the southern and western states of this Union, composes an
important part of their domestic institutions, inherited from
their ancestors, and existing at the adoption of the constitu-
tion, by which it is recognised as constituting an important
element in the apportionment of powers among the states, and
that no change of opinion or feeling, on the part of the other
states of the Union, in relation to it, can justify them or their
citizens in open and systematic attacks thereon, with the view
to its overthrow ; and that all such attacks are in manifest
violation of the mutual and solemn pledge to protect and
defend each other, given by the states respectively on entering
into the constitutional compact which formed the Union ; and
as such are a manifested breach of faith, and a violation of the
most solemn obligations."

182 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

posed, and which a majority of the senate were
so wicked as to pass, will consign him, and that
majority to ignominy, so long as history exists
to record the cold-hearted monstrosity.

ee Mr. Webster of Massachusets is a man of
really splendid talents, and, on most occasions,
of sober judgment : I do not say that he ever
will but he certainly ought to be President.
How well such a man would serve as a British
legislator !

" Henry Clay has something of the personal
form without the statesman-like appearance of
Mr. Poulett Thompson. Clay is from Ken-
tucky, but has all the Yankee in his character,
with the exception that the latter is only
a defender of slavery when he becomes a

V. Resolved, " That the interference by the citizens of any
of the states, with the view to the abolition of slavery in this
district, is endangering the rights and security of the [people
of the district."

And resolved, " That any attempt at Congress to abolish
slavery in any territory of the United States in which it exists,
would create serious alarm and just apprehension in the state
sustaining that domestic institution, would be a violation of
good faith to the inhabitants of any such territory, who have
been permitted to settle with and hold slaves therein."

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 183

slave-owner. Since the time he and the Ge
nevese Galatin, bamboozled Frederick Robin-
son, Harry Goulburn, and Lord Castlereagh
at Ghent, — Clay has pretended affection for
England. Don't trust him ! Depend rather
upon Forsyth, who although also bred a lawyer
has something of far more worth than is gene-
rally found in men so reared.

ce Nearly all the members of Congress deserve
a meed of approbation in every respect, but in
that which will render those who are opposed
to it for ever the scorn of good men, I mean
the abolition of slavery. Ruggles of Maine,
Hubbard of Maine, Swift and Prentis of Ver-
mont, Webster and Davis of Massachusets,
Niles of Connecticut, Talmage of New York,
Buchannan of Pennsylvania, (the latter an
ultra-democrat,) Brown of North and Preston
of South Carolina, W. R. King and Clay of
Albania, Grundy of Tennessee, Smith of Indiana,
Robinson of Illinois, and Lyon of Michigan,
are all very shrewd, or, as the Americans say,
smart senators.

]84 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

u As to the debates in the senate, with the
exception of that lately on the non- abolition
question, justice requires us to speak with re-
spectful admiration, both in regard to the elo-
quence of several members, and the decorous
manners of the house. Occasionally, but
rarely, sectional prejudice, and a little virulence
— not in the spiiit of your Brougham's theatrical
anger — is exhibited. I have heard Mr. Hub-
bard, of New Hampshire, a forcible speaker,
commence, on replying to Daniel Webster,
e Sir, the senator who has just spoken, is fully
entitled to the character of a Yankee. He
has avoided my inquiries by asking me
questions.'

(C Ladies, often gaily dressed, are admitted to
hear the debates in both houses ; their appear-
ance has, no doubt, much influence in main-
taining decorous manners, and even in regard
to oratory, animating the members to say
the very best they can in the presence of the
fair. But still the habit of spitting tobacco-
juice, stretching legs over tables, and numerous

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 185

other nuisances, exemplifying liberty, not of
noble and generous ideas, but of graceless acts
and attitudes, are prevalent in both houses of
Congress, and especially in the House of
Representatives."

186 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XXL

THE VALEDICTION.

" Our land is threatened by the hostile foe,
But Jackson quickly turns aside the blow.
The vanquish'd Britons soon retire in shame,
Bearing dishonour back instead of fame.
Oh ! then the victor hail with joy and praise,
Bright be his fame, and lengthened be his days,
Long may he live our gratitude to claim,
While future generations bless his name."*

On Playfair making inquiry as to the Pre-
sident going out of office and his successor
coming in, Profundus replied —

* Lines on the battle of New Orleans, written for the Washing-
ton Globe, by L. I. C. one of the Cincinnati poets. The above
wretched rhymes are perhaps of as high a standard, as in
the general newspaper or ephemeral press, is called the native
poetry of the United States. Bryants and a few others have
written poetry. But generally those called poets, are jingling
rhymers and political doggerelists, inferior to the puffers of
Warren's Blacking. A New York paper states, that there are
5023 poets in the United' States, 94 of which are in the state
prisons, 511 in lunatic asylums, and 280 in debtors prisons.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 187

* One of the most impressive ceremonies
which I have witnessed in America, was that of
Andrew Jackson yielding up his high steward-
ship, on retiring to private life as a Tennessee
farmer, and of Martin Van Buren's inaugura-
tion, as his successor to power.

u e You see nothing here of the pomp of
royalty, or of the pageantry of England/ said a
northern democrat to me.

" ' No/ I replied, c that would be very incon-
sistent with republicanism. Yet I believe you
would be led away by show, like most other
people/

"The day was remarkably fine, although
snow covered the earth : crowds assembled
along Pennsylvania Avenue, and on the Capito-
line Hill, on which the marble Capitol stands.

** Artillery announced the approach, from the
White House, of the ex-president and President
elect, in a polished carriage made of the oak of
the Constitution Frigate, and presented to
Jackson by the citizens of New York, who now
— alas, popularity! — would lynch him — on the
anniversary of Washington's birthday. They

188 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

were escorted by a troop of horse. (This was
not quite democratic, thought I.) The foreign
ministers in their uniforms were all in attend-
ance ; they produced a striking effect among
the republican assemblage.

" ' These pompous gauds of Gothic gone-by
days/ said a newspaper editor near me, on
perceiving the entree of the corps diplomatique,
6 that show of cloth and gold, of blue and lace,
what are they to our republican senators, in
their plain gentlemanly dresses V — e Talent alone
shines forth to distinguish our public men,'
observed a person with rather a threadbare coat
and who looked like a reporter.

" e Here comes the immortal Calhoun/ said
one. — c There sits the mighty Webster, with
his ponderous brow, and eminent forehead/ said
another. — 'Look, yonder stands the great
Henry Clay/ said a third. — ' Here comes
famous Buchannan, and that smart orator
Burton.5

a * There's Grundy, and Rives, and Hubbard,
and Swift, and they are all smart men.'

" * Oh ! what a handsome hum form.9 — ' Who

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 189

is he V — c Fudge!' answered a genuine demo-
crat^ c that is the Prussian minister, — and that
the British, — and that the French, — and those
others in dazzling clothes are the rest of the
foreign ministers ; not one among hall of hem
celebrated as men, only distinguishable by their
dresses/

" General Jackson, looking more than usually
emaciated, appeared to me of more interest than
all besides ; not that I thoroughly admired his
administrative career, but from its being, as it
were, the departure from the world of a man
who certainly acted a great part in directing
and controlling human affairs. My early feel-
ings of reading Robertson's interesting account
of the dark intolerant Charles V., were in some
degree revived, with the difference, that I have
long since learned to estimate the greatness of
such men as Charles, upon a scale very far
below the altitude which that recorder of false-
hoods, history, assigns to conquerors and
despots.

"The ex-president and President-elect en-
tered together, attended by the senators and

190 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

committee of arrangements. General Jackson
then, on taking farewell of the government and
of the senate, said

" e Fellow-citizens, — Being about to retire
finally from public life, I beg leave to offer you
my grateful thanks for the many proofs of
kindness and confidence which I have received
at your hands. It has been my fortune, in the
discharge of my public duties, civil and military,
frequently to have found myself in difficult and
trying situations, where prompt decision and
energetic action were necessary, and where the
interests of the country required that high
responsibilities should be fearlessly encoun-
tered ; and it is with the deepest emotions of
gratitude that I acknowledge the continued and
unbroken confidence with which you have sus-
tained me in every trial. My public life has
been a long one, and I cannot hope that it has
at all times been free from errors ; but I have
the consolation of knowing that, if mistakes
have been committed, they have not seriously
injured the country I so anxiously endeavoured
to serve ; and at the moment when I surrender

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 191

my last public trust, I leave this great people
prosperous and happy, in the full enjoyment of
liberty and peace, and honoured and respected
by every nation of the world.

" e The time has now come when advanced
age and a broken frame warn me to retire from
public concerns ; but the recollection of the
many favours you have bestowed on me is
engraven upon my heart, and I have felt that I
could not part from your service without mak-
ing this public acknowledgment of the grati-
tude I owe you. And if I use the occasion to
offer you the counsels of age and experience,
you will, I trust, receive them with the same
indulgent kindness which you have so often
extended to me ; and will, at least, see in them
an earnest desire to perpetuate in this favoured
land the blessings of liberty and equal laws.

" e We have now lived almost fifty years under
the constitution framed by the sages and
patriots of the revolution. The conflicts in
which the nations of Europe were engaged
during a great part of this period, the spirit in
which they waged war against each other, and

192

BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

our intimate commercial connexions with every
part of the civilized world, rendered it a time of
much difficulty for the government of the
United States. We owe, under Providence,
our blessings and cheering prospects to the
adoption of the federal constitution. At every
hazard, and by every sacrifice, this Union must
be preserved.'

"The father of his country in his farewell
address, told us, e That while experience shall
not have demonstrated its impracticability,
there will always be reason to distrust the
patriotism of those, who in any quarter may
endeavour to weaken its bonds ; 3 and he has
cautioned us, in the strongest terms, against
the formation of parties, on geographical dis-
criminations, as one of the means which might
disturb our Union, and to which designing men
would be likely to resort.

"The lessons contained in this invaluable
legacy of Washington to his countrymen should
be cherished in the heart of every citizen to the
latest generation :

u i Rest assured that the men found busy in

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 193

the work of discord are not worthy of your con-
fidence, and deserve your strongest disappro-
bation. Such men would convert legislation of
Congress into a scramble for personal and sec-
tional advantages.

" i In presenting to you, my fellow- citizens,
these parting counsels, I have devoted the last
hours of my public life to warn you of those
dangers.

f ' You have no longer any cause to fear
danger from abroad. It is from within, among
yourselves, from cupidity, from corruption, from
disappointed ambition, and inordinate thirst for
power that factions will be formed and liberty
endangered. It is against such designs, what-
ever disguise the actors may assume, that you
have specially to guard yourselves. You have
the highest of human trusts committed to your
care. Providence has showered upon this fa-
voured land blessings without number, — and
has chosen you as the guardians of freedom, to
preserve it for the benefit of the human race.
May He who holds in his hands the destinies
of nations, make you worthy of the favours he

VOL. II. K

194 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

has bestowed, and enable you with pure hearts,
and pure hands, and sleepless vigilance, to
guard and defend to the end of time the great
charge he has committed to your keeping.

" ' My own race is nearly run ; advanced age
and failing health warn me that before long I
must pass beyond the reach of human events,
and cease to feel the vicissitudes of human
affairs. I thank God that my life has been
spent in a land of liberty, and that he has
given me a heart to love my country with the
affection of a son : and filled with gratitude for
your constant and unwavering kindness, I bid
you a last and affectionate farewell/ "

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 195

CHAPTER XXII.

THE INAUGURATION.

" Resolved: — That Martin Van Buren is the worthy
successor of his illustrious predecessor ; that his puhlic con-
duct and recorded opinions correspond with the doctrines
maintained by the democratic party during the administra-
tions of Jefferson and Jackson." — One of the resolutions of the
citizens of Washington, County Pennsylvania.

" The new President/3 continued Profundus,
" was led to the chair by Mr. Senator Grundy,
and after shaking hands with the foreign mi-
nisters and bowing to the ladies, senators, re-
presentatives, and others, the oath of inaugu-
ration was administered to him by the Chief
Justice of the United States, after which Mr.
Van Buren came forward, and said,
k2

196 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

" * Fellow-citizens, — The practice of my pre-
decessors imposes on me an obligation I cheer-
fully fulfil, to accompany the first and most
solemn act of my public trust, with an avowal
of the principles that will guide me in perform-
ing it, and an expression of my feelings on
assuming a charge so responsible and vast. In
imitating their example, I tread in the foot-
steps of illustrious men, whose superiors, it is
our happiness to believe, are not found in the
executive calendar of any country.

" e Unlike all who have preceded me, the re-
volution that gave us existence as a nation was
achieved at the period of my birth, and whilst
I contemplate with grateful reverence that me-
morable event, I feel that I belong to a later
age, and that I may not expect my countrymen
to weigh my actions with the same kind and
partial hand.

" ' In justly balancing the powers of the
federal and state authorities, difficulties nearly
insurmountable arose at the outset, and subse-
quent collisions were inevitable. From time
to time embarrassments have certainly oc-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 197

curred ; but how just is the confidence of
future safety imparted by the knowledge that
each in succession has been happily removed.

ee ' The last, perhaps the greatest, of the pro-,
minent sources of discord and disaster, supposed
to lurk in our political condition, was the insti-
tution of domestic slavery. Our forefathers
were deeply impressed with the delicacy of this
subject, and they treated it with a forbearance
so evidently wise, that in spite of every sinister
foreboding it never, until the present period, dis-
turbed the tranquillity of our common country.

" ( Perceiving before my election the deep
interest this subject icas beginning to excite, I
believed it a solemn duty fully to make known
my sentiments in regard to it. I then declared,
that if the desire of those of my countrymen who
were favourable to my election was gi^atified, e I
must go into the Presidental chair the in-
flexible and UNCOMPROMISING OPPONENT of

every attempt on the part of Congress to abolish
slavery in the district of Columbia, against the
wishes of the slave-holding states ; and also with
a determination equally decided to resist the

198 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

slightest interference with it in the states where it
exists.' It now only remains for me to add, that
no bill conflicting ivith those views can ever re-
ceive my constitutional sanction' "

" I am disgusted, there is more freedom in
Siberia than in republican America ["exclaimed
Playfair. " But not the same licentiousness in
political and party spirit, to which, in the free
and United States, is given the name of
Liberty."

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 199

CHAPTER XXIII.

THE MAJORITY NOT ALWAYS IN THE RIGHT.

"Virtue, my dear uncle, is a female ; as long as she is pri-
vate property she is excellent ; hut public virtue, like any
other public lady, is a common prostitute." — Mai.travers.

" It was this mixture of deep love and profound respect for
the eternal people, and of calm, passionless disdain for that
capricious charlatan, the momentary public, which made
Ernest Maltravers an original and solitary thinker." — Ibid.

"I begin to doubt that the majority are
always in the right/' observed Playfair.

" If the majority are always in the right/'
replied Profundus,, " Mr. Van Buren would not
be suffered to have used the language which I
have quoted, nor would slavery exist at all in
the United States.

200 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

<c If the majority were always in the right,
Jackson would not have been so generally idol-
ized at one period, and also re-elected, and since
then so generally denounced by a majority of
the Union influenced by crafty men ; although
he was to the last rigidly unchangeable in ad-
ministering the government according to the
line of policy he commenced during his first
presidentship.

" If the majority were always right, the scenes
and resolutions which have lately disgraced the
Congress, would never have existed to have
been recorded as a testimony of dishonour
against the majority of senators and represent-
atives.

"In fact, the very great majority — that is,
the public, is just as likely to be in the wrong
as in the right. The mass in all countries is
too incessantly employed in laborious or other
pursuits, to study the laws or the principles
of government, or the theories of political
economy.

" The great many are, and will be, in all
countries governed in their ideas of men and

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 201

things by the ingenious — talented — honest — or
dishonest few. That is, so long as the people
are not severely oppressed by those who govern,
and so long as no violent injustice is inflicted
upon them.

"Therefore, if suffrage be universal, the
greater is the probability of the majority being
in the wrong — that is, they will be led away by
the cajolery of political adventurers, expert in
arts and intrigues, which virtuous statesmen
never wTould in their high sense of moral honour
condescend to practise.

* Universal suffrage in the United States, is
far from being understood in England.

" Nearly every man who has the elective
franchise, in America, is possessed of a far
higher qualification than your ten-pound voters
in England. Every American elector is also
far better instructed. He has ample means of
living. In nineteen cases out of twenty he is
a landed proprietor, and, in fact, should be an
independent man.

" There are poor dependent men, it is true,
in America, but they are seldom electors. I
K 3

202 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

do not allude to the four and a half millions of
black, coloured, and white slaves of the eighteen
millions of population. The non- qualified poor
inhabitants I mean, are emigrants : poor Irish,
Scotch, English, Alsacians, Swiss, and Ger-
mans, who have not been residents sufficiently
long to be naturalized.

u Before the time arrives when they are en-
titled by law to become United States citizens,
it is rare indeed that they are not far more
independent, and better instructed than nearly
all your ten-pound voters.

"Now, even with all these advantages in
favour of universal suffrage in the United States,
I have already witnessed at the elections which
agitate the country annually, so much cajolery,
and the people so completely duped, — especially
by lawyers, — that I am persuaded that in the
United Kingdom universal suffrage would prove
universal anarchy.

" The great argument of those who advocate
the ballot is, that the voters, whether agricultu-
ralists, tradespeople, or shopkeepers, are at
present intimidated or.allured to vote against

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 203

their convictions — that is, tenants are compelled
to vote agreeably to the command of their land-
lords,— tradespeople to the wish of those who
employ them, — and shopkeepers to the desire
of their customers : and, to crown all, that the
open vote is bought with money.

" Now I most willingly admit all this to be
the case, and that both whigs and tories are,
every election, guilty of profligate corruption.
I belong to no party. To my country and
the public weal generally am I attached, in
my ideas of legislative government. I judge
accordingly.

c( Now fancy universal suffrage in Great
Britain and Ireland ! Why, you would have a
parliament in which the majority would always
be in the wrong : for this majority would
include a multitude of jobbers, of town
and country attorneys, with perhaps twenty
or thirty bankers, to whom the shopkeepers and
tradespeople might be under greater obligations
than to the majority of their customers.5'

204 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XXIV.

GOVERNING TOO MUCH.

" Ce qui frappe le plus l'Europeeu qui parcourt les Etats-
Unis, c'estl'absence de ce qu'on appelle chez nous le gouverne-
ment." — De Tocqueville..

As far as the representative power represents
its rays and strength over the country in the
persons of employes, there is no country on
earth, except England, where the traveller ob-
serves so little of the apparatus of the existence
of government as in the United States.

The moment you enter La belle France, which
has made two glorious (bloody) revolutions for
equal rights and liberty, you are welcomed
by green-uniformed and armed douaniers, gen-
darmes, and policemen, who will not allow you

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL. CREATION. 205

to step on the pier until you deliver "voire
passeport/9 and then march you between an
avenue of chains, to be searched, and compared
with a description of your person in the licence
given you to travel, — all which remind you
of the apparatus of government. In every
state of Christian Europe, except England, the
same restraint on liberty and locomotion is
ever present. Here I must not omit to say,
that the Turk is more generous, and has courage
to exist without displaying much of the appear-
ance of the continental apparatus of government.

In England, with the exception of a few
guardians of the revenue, nothing represents to
you the presence of government.

Land at Liverpool — you see all tranquil, all
moving orderly — no policemen, unless it be a
town-watch at night — nothing to tell you there
is a government — no soldiers — no gendarmes;
no ! not all the way to London.# Nobody
asks you officially u What is your name V —
no query ever put which corresponds with
'* Monsieur, voire passeport /"

* Excepting the New Police.— -Editor.

206 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

Pay your expenses, assault nobody, steal
nothing, smash nothing, go where you will, say
what you please, no one can or will retard, or
no law can punish you for your opinions.

This is exactly the case in America, with the
exception — which even Austria has now almost
become ashamed of — that you cannot speak out,
and that you cannot travel with impunity on
Sundays. No ! the free and United States of
America still groan under the disgraceful bond-
age of concealing thought.

In the United States there is too much legis-
lation, and as far as the executive is in question,
governing too little, than governing too much. —
The mob, however, when it pleases, governs
supreme, and judge Ly rich's sentences are
carried into summary execution.

If ever a President has governed too much, it
has been Andrew Jackson, in regard to finances
and the bank : yet he was the President of the
majority, which the democrats say must ever
be in the right.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 20j

CHAPTER XXV.

PROFESSIONS.

" In the mean time, to pass her time away,
Brave Inez now set up a Sunday-school."

The man who in the United States enters
upon a profession, either for subsistence, or,
which is rarely, for fame, enters upon a
course of care and servility — upon a life in
which there is little repose. If he be a law-
yer, a doctor, a preacher, or a schoolmaster,
he must be ever and anon watchful not to
commit himself; he must practise the hearts
that will secure him the idolatry of public
opinion.

208 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

Professions are wretchedly paid. All wages
or fees are estimated by the American public
on a sort of labour scale, which measures the
reward according to the time required for
attendance and work from, not by the
skill, learning, or ability of, the professional
man.

The profit of the merchant, and of the specu-
lating dollar-hunters of every caste, is quite
different, from its depending upon markets,
good fortune, or taking in.*

The fact is, that from there being so little
real preparatory learning and scientific know-
ledge required on entering upon the learned
professions in America, they rank so much
lower than in Europe (Austria, Spain, Bavaria,
and some Italian states perhaps excepted),
that they are generally followed only from
necessity.

The fees being small, the lawyers encourage

* We have heard very professed religious men in the United
States say, that cheating was an unpardonable sin, but that
overreaching, or taking in, as the Americans term it, " mak-
ing a smart bargain," — was all fair play.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 209

litigation, wrong or right. If they can make
smart speeches, and acquire the art of cajoling
the people, they become, chiefly with a view to
office, politicians.

That there are many honourable men among
the lawyers of America, as well as among all
other classes, we bear willing testimony: but
the instability of office, and their utter depend-
ence upon the idolatry of public opinion, or
what is generally the same, public prejudice,
impel lawyers, almost by necessity, to practise
the arts of caj olery.

If they become judges, their wretched salaries
render them dependent, and too often do they
in consequence relax the soundness of their
judgments. They have also to direct, for sub-
sistence, their time to other pursuits than their
official duties.

Intellect is said to be reverenced in the
United States : it certainly is so by a kind of
popularity. But I deny that intellect is re-
warded.

All lawyers, to get ahead, must be party
men; that is, federal, Loco-foco, or democrat,

210 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

— or Log-cabin, or other voting watch-ivord
party name.

The preacher,' to succeed, must not attempt
to teach, he must know his congregation, and
their opinions ; — and then he must damn or
save them accordingly. If he has address, and
be a young man, he may marry a rich wife. If
the parents— which is rare — will not consent to
the marriage, or refuse to give him the same for-
tune they would if she married a man they ap-
proved of, he must not run off with her, — he
must seduce her, and then the parents^ to hide
her shame, and to prevent the family being
subjected to public calumny, will immediately
on his marrying her give him her fortune.

He may then speculate and build a church,,
or form a joint stock company to build one on
a large scale, and suit his creed to that of the
most numerous congregation ; or he may, as is
often the case, change his profession, become
a merchant, or land speculator, and go south
and buy a plantation well stocked with thriving
negroes.

The schoolmaster, who is still more wretch-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 211

edly paid, and generally more scantily plenisbed
with learning, and receiving no presents for
birching his scholars, as the preacher does for
damning his congregation, becomes a teacher
from sheer necessity, — being probably too lazy
for manual labour, and from having not suc-
ceeded in getting the situation of a merchant's
clerk, or of a grocer's shop-boy.

Teaching the young idea how to shout, is
not very far from it, — the object of his vocation.
He is probably teaching himself law at the same
time, — or making himself acquainted with the
art of bookkeeping, or shopkeeping, as he also
is determined to change his profession for a
more money-making, or more popular one.

The doctor is very likely a quack, and he
quacks — quacks — quacks, — not only the real,
but the imaginary sick, of this district, or town,
or settlement, until he pockets money to set
up a druggist's shop, — speculate in land, — for-
sake his profession, — become editor of a paper,
— a politician, — and be, in order to be got rid
of, perhaps, sent on a foreign mission. Such
things do happen.

212 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

Such is the general rule as to professions in
America: there are exceptions, and those
worthy of high distinction in any country.
Their honour and distinction, however, they
owe entirely to themselves, aided probably by
being enabled to eat their daily bread, inde-
pendently of the idolatry of that charlatan the
capricious public.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 213

CHAPTER XXVI.

ATROCITY MEN.

" Occasionally, it is true, the, ardour of public sentiment, out-
running the regular progress of the judicial tribunals, or seek-
ing to reach cases not denounced as criminal by the existing
law, has displayed itself in a manner calculated to give pain
to the friends of free government, and to encourage the hopes
of those who wish for its overthrow." — Mr. Van Buren's Mes-
sage to Congress.

Epithets, if they have truth and point, fre-
quently like satire correct immorals, by making
the culpable ashamed of themselves.

The atrocity men are numerous in all coun-
tries. The whole gang of Swing in England, —
the secret associations of weavers, and others in
Scotland and elsewhere, — the Captain Bock's
men of Ireland, the Fieschi-fraternity of France,

214 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

and Junge Deutschland in Germany, — are all
formed of atrocity men.

In republic America — " the unique land of
liberty" — the shades of atrocity men are nume-
rous, and commit their crimes in defiance of all
authority.

The select men of Boston, who countenanced
the destruction of the Ursuline convent, — and
the jury and all others concerned in not punish-
ing the violators of private rights and property,
were, as well as the actual destructives, atro-
city MEN.

The prudent committee of the church at Bos-
ton, who robbed a slightly-coloured citizen of
his pew, were also atrocity men.

The. freemasons who destroyed the printing-
office, with the edition of Morgan's work ex<
posing masonry, and who conveyed that unfor-
tunate man off to the Canadian frontier, impri-
soned him for two days in the Fort of Niagara,
— and then, after the design to murder him was
made known to numerous persons, carried him
out into the middle of the river, tied a stone
round his neck, and threw him into the vortex

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL, CREATION. 215

of the St. Lawrence, — the sheriffs who would
not commit, — the jury who would not convict,
— and the members of the lodges who sub-
scribed money to maintain and protect the
murderers, — and all privy to the murder of
Morgan, were, all the world will say, atro-
city MEN.

The most respectable men of St. Louis who
lately directed and witnessed the burning alive
on a slow fire a coloured man in that city, and
all other "most respectable men"" who have
been privy to such horrible deeds, are, no one
in Europe will deny, atrocity men.

The anti-abolition riots, so frequent over the
Union, are all instigated and committed by

ATROCITY MEN.

The savage gentlemen of Hillsborough,* who
sat in Lynch* $ committee, knowing what the
Lynchers would execute, and " advised that
Kitchell" (an itinerant preacher of unblemished
character) " should be rode round the town on
a bare rail, with a band of all kinds of music

* Query, Hell's-borough. — P. D.

216 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

playing the Rogue's March," and who, as well
as all concerned, saw poor Kitchell stripped,
tarred, and feathered, and then carried him
astride on a pole twice round the town, to the
yelling discordancy of the Calithumpiati band,
were indeed atrocity men.*

* Very lately Mr. Lovejoy, who published a paper, the
Observer, at Alten, Illinois, the office and types of which had
been destroyed, attempted to re-establish his periodical. The
respectable mob of the town assembled, set fire to the ware-
house which contained his press, shot a man named Bishop
who defended it, wounded two others, and then shot the pro-
prietor, Mr. Lovejoy : — none has been or will be punished for
this atrocity.

The very boys have in many parts become Lynchers, who
terrify judges and prosecutors. At the Nicholas County
Court, last August, a man named Smith, who savagely mur-
dered another called Brown, was sentenced to three years'
imprisonment. The citizens cried, " What a tarnation cruel
judgment !" and Judge Brown then thought it prudent to
admit the man to bail, himself in one hundred dollars, and
two others in one hundred dollars each. Even this was
judged by the sovereign people too severe, and as the judge and
attorney-general were returning from the court-house to the
tavern where they lodged, the boys of the town were set at
them, at first, much in the same way as yelping curs of them-
selves set at a ragged beggar. A fire-engine having been in
some way procured, and replenished with water from a sewer,
the boys played the stinking fluid so effectually on the
judge and attorney -general of the commonwealth, that they were

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 217

Those who burnt the mails supposed to con-
vey anti- slavery letters and papers, and the
Lynchers who so frequently hang wayfarers and
negroes, and the assassins at New Orleans, are
surely atrocity men.

Nearly all who fight duels, or instigate others
to fight duels in the United States, do so
under such criminal circumstances, that they
are murderers as well as atrocity men.

All those representatives who, regardless of
suffering humanity, — whether it be cruelty to
slaves, or freed negroes, or to the red man of
the woods by all kinds of injustice and cruelty
and lately hunting with bloodhounds, — vote and
speak from personal interest, or merely to salt

completely drenched before they secured shelter within the
tavern.

In the southern and western states, murders and murderous
deeds are frequent at public meetings, and on the most fri-
volous pretences. Lately, at a meeting held at Shell point,
Florida, a quarrel arose : a Mr. Mason was wounded by
being run through the abdomen with a large knife,— a Mr.
Gleason was shot dead, — and several wounded by gun or
pistol shots, or by Spanish knives. No prosecution has fol-
lowed.

Several men have not long since been hanged at Vicksbury
for playing cards.

VOL. II. L

2 IS BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

the cattle for the fall elections, will, I believe,
be very generally esteemed as atrocity men.
What a fearful outline ! The detail would be
terrific.*

* Lynch Law. — On Wednesday night, the 12th instant, a
disgraceful outrage was perpetrated in this town. Sundry
persons were engaged in firing salutes and rockets, in honour
of the late Whig victory in this state. Ahout nine o'clock a
negro happened to pass along, having on a woman's frock, the
sleeves of which were tied about his waist, and an old bonnet
on his head. The crowd, supposing the negro designed to
insult them, by bringing to remembrance the petticoat affair
of Harrison and the ladies of Chilicothe, proceeded to inflict
on him summary punishment. Many persons fell upon him,
and after he was knocked down, one individual, placing his
hands upon the shoulders of two others who stood each side
of the prostrate victim, jumped up and down, striking the
negro's stomach with his feet in the most violent manner.
The negro was then taken into a neighbouring building, where
he was tortured with great severity for about two hours. After
suffering the infliction of from 500 to 800 lashes, he was at
midnight turned out into the street stark naked. He stag-
gered a short distance and fell, nearly dead, in an alley lead-
ing from Main to Locust-street. He was discovered by some
persons, by whom he was carried home. It seems that the
negro had no intention whatever to insult those who lynched
him. He had been seen during the afternoon in the same
habiliments he had on in the evening ; and there is no doubt
he had put them on in mere sport, to carry out a spree of his
own, without the most distant idea of political ridicule.—
Evunsville (Indiana) Sentinel, Aug. 21, 1840.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 219

» CHAPTER XXVII.

ATROCITIES IN THE FLORIDAS.

During the residence of Playfair in Wash-
ington, the accounts received, from Georgia and
Florida, of the atrocities committed in the
sanguinary war which has been carried on for
some years, in order to drive across the Mis-
sissippi, or to exterminate the aboriginals.

As to the question of right to the soil, no ra-
tional, impartial, and unbiassed human being will
deny that right to the red man. The declaration
once made of heathen and Christian right for
the latter to seize, forcibly, or by deceit, upon
land which the former have possessed and in-
habited, must now be considered a fraudulent
l 2

220 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

absurdity. Yet this diabolical doctrine was
made the pretence of right to the countries of
the heathens oh being discovered and seized
upon by Christians.

We find in the annals of Massachusets, the
puritans justify their taking possession of the
lands of the red man, by the following resolu-
tions, solemnly passed in a deliberate assembly.
They |

" Resolved, That the earth is the Lord's, and
the fulness thereof.

" Resolved, That the Lord hath given the
earth to his people.

" Resolved, That we the Christians of Massa-
chusets, are the people of the Lord."

So did not William Penn act towards the
red man. The country which the Indians
have, and a few of them still inhabit in Florida,
has been theirs by the right of immemorial oc-
cupancy : this right was the bounteous gift of
Heaven, which no Christian, Jew, or Pagan,
had a right to question, take, or withhold from
the red man.

General Jackson first gained military dis-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 221

tinction and glory against these Indians. He
afterwards endeavoured to ameliorate their con-
dition by removing them, at the expense of
government, west of the Mississippi. Some of
the tribes accepted the terms and emigrated to
the lands appropriated to their use ; but the
greater number, those who had been the least
enfeebled by their contact with Europeans,
refused to move from the land in which their
fathers' bones were buried.

It was in consequence resolved upon by the
government that they should be forced out of
the Floridas. A sanguinary war, still continued —
murders and masacres, committed on both sides,
have been the attendant atrocities.

The diabolical idea of introducing blood-
hounds from Cuba was at last adopted by
the white savages. " We are glad," says an
American newspaper, u that Spaniards, and
not United States citizens are to be employed
to set the bloodhounds on the scent to hunt
the Indians." One person writes from Florida,
" Yesterday, an old Indian warrior chief was
let loose from prison; believing he had got

222 BROTHER JONATHAN^ OH THE

his liberty, he ran off, a bloodhound was turned
loose in his track, but the beast didn't take —
he would no more trail than, a red heifer."

Such atrocities and slavery in the south and
west are melancholy considerations as to the
social prospects of those countries.

The Session of Congress having broken up,
Washington became again a monotonous thinly-
peopled town, and Play fair and the Major
travelled northwards.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 223

CHAPTER XXVIII.

CHARGES.

,( To be or not to be, — that's the question."

" Playfair and the Major returned to New
York, having taken leave with grateful respect
and friendship of Profundus; who, having suc-
ceeded to a castle and estate in Germany by the
death of a near relative, an old unmarried baron,
he determined on returning and settling in the
land of his ancestors ; with the understanding
however, on parting, that our travellers should
each arrange on a future and not far distant day,
to meet in some part of Europe.

Little more than the usual incidents of tra-
velling occurred on Playfair's and the Major's

224 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

route, by steam-boats and railroads, to New
York. Indeed, so rapidly did they travel
on tins occasion, that except when on board
one or other of the bay or river steam-boats,
they had scarcely time to eat or to sleep.

Their fellow-travellers, many of them return-
ing from Congress, talked of great and little
things at Washington, — of the approaching
elections, — contests for the presidentship be-
tween Van Buren and Harrison, — the 4th of
July, — transatlantic steam-boats, the Great
Western, British Queen, the President, — and
the great new British line between Liverpool,
Halifax, and Boston.

Playfair and the Major lodged at their old
quarters in Liberty Hall : in which the former
managed to obtain possession of the same bed-
chamber,— and sitting-room, or " snuggery" as
the major named it. The latter also secured a
single-bedded room on the same floor.

Liberty Hall dining-room presented much
the same aspect of haste and demolition as
formerly.

The withdrawing -room, however, was neither

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL, CREATION. 225

graced by the same fair ladies, nor occupied by
the same resident gentlemen-boarders who for-
med, on the previous year, the exception to
the neck-or-nothing dinner devouring, and
dollar-hunting lodgers.

Miss Rennet had become so far reconciled
to her fate on inheriting by the death of a
brother (drowned on his schooner upsetting
by a white squall near Cape Cod) about thirty
thousand dollars, that she had gone to bathe
among the high rolling surges of the Atlantic
at Longbranch, New Jersey,* previously to
her intended visit to Saratoga, in her still per-
severing search for a husband. The two young
and handsome ladies, victims of the counterfeit
count, had become mothers. Two Far Westers
who were progressing fast in Michigan, adver-
tised in the newspapers for wives, stating in
the said advertisements, their age, condition

* The coast at Longbranch is abrupt, and the surges of
the Atlantic roll in so high, that a man, and not a woman
attends and holds the female bathers. This cannot well be
avoided, and if it were, the custom is less indelicate than the
promiscuous bathing at Bath in England, and at many places,
on the continent of Europe. — Editor.

L3

226 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

and prospects in Michigan, and what they had
to offer any young healthy woman passably
handsome, and fit and willing to take charge of
a house, and other wife-like affairs, and also
likely to bear children. No objection was
made to widows, if not more than twenty-five
years of age, or, if thirty, to bring with them at
least two or three children : a large family
being considered riches instead of a burden to
parents in Michigan. Such marriages are fre-
quent in the new countries of the west ; and as
usually prove happy, and form the origin of
very thriving families.

The advertised proposals were pointed out
to the young mothers, who instantly applied,
stating their views and real position. The next
post brought each a favourable reply, and also
money to pay their expenses to Michigan, for
which they departed by the first steam-boat up
the Hudson, crossed the country to Lake Erie,
and in a few days after leaving New York,
joined their affianced husbands, who received
them kindly, and in less than an hour, a justice
of peace joined them in the holy bonds of
wedlock.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 227

In that region, no doubt, they will become
useful in the best mission of woman, as exem-
plary wives and tender mothers, instead of
leading an insipid life, spent chiefly on a board-
ing-room sofa, and exposed to the seductions of
any perfidious adventurer, who might arrive
and infest New York.

Of those we have introduced, the amiable
governess and the Canadian merchant had
wedded, — and, u blithely as the lightsome lamb
wThich plays on bonnie flowering lea," did she
proceed with her husband to Montreal.

But two others had disappeared in a far dif-
ferent manner. Captain Armstrong who had
fulfilled his period of services at Brooklyn, and
arranged all his affairs with the naval board at
Washington, returned to New York, and pre-
vious to journeying to mend his constitution
at Saratoga, occupied lodgings for a few weeks
at "Liberty Hall." Here he met Doubloon
Jack whom he recognised as the treacherous
agent in whose hands he had placed the two
thousand pounds to be sent to his beloved
Agnes, and who, but for the fraudulent breach

228 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

of trust, which we have already noticed, on the
part of Doubloon Jack, might still be alive, and
happy with her child and Armstrong, who had
adored her so affectionately, and whose memory
and love he never ceased to cherish.

It is superfluous to say he was maddened to
desperation on meeting one of the chief agents
of his affliction. He demanded satisfaction:
this was refused. Doubloon Jack was however
compelled, even by his friend Solomons, to fight
Armstrong, and was, by the latter mortally
wounded. He lingered some days in great suf-
fering, and his hardened soul and callous heart
gave at length way to remorse. Conscience
gnawed upon the spirit of the dying sinner.
His crimes stood in all their terrific deformity
before him. He sent, just before his dissolution,
for a clergyman, and also for Armstrong. To the
latter he acknowledged the evil he had done him,
—told him that although his wife was dead, his
daughter, now a beautiful young woman, was
living, — and by a short codicil, made all the
reparation that he then could, by directing the
principal, with full interest of the two thousand

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 229

pounds, to be paid over to Armstrong ; beseech-
ing his forgiveness, which, however difficult,
was, under the dying wretches' circumstances,
granted by the brave man. Conscience still
oppressed the departing sinner. It was evident
that something more appalling was still stalking
in hideous and terrific awfulness between him
and the dread future of eternity. He directed
the clergyman to add another codicil to his
testament, — thus as far as in him lay, to make
reparation for the forgery in the will, which he
now confessed to have committed in his early
career at Edinburgh. Still conscience was far
from being at ease. That dread of what should
await him on his immediate transition from this
world to the dark mysterious regions of eternal
retribution, to which he felt he was im-
mediately about to repair and answer, gave
utterance, a few minutes before his last dying
gasp, to the awful confession, before several
witnesses, — amongst whom stood Solomons
himself, — that they had both been partners in
equipping more than one of the pirate schooners,
the crews of which had been guilty of so many

230 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

murders, and of plundering numerous vessels,
among the Bahamas, the Gulf of Mexico, and
the Delta of the Orinoque, that they were at
the present moment, interested in numerous slave
ships, and that the u slave clipper," which has
been noticed in a former chapter, and which
had since then sailed for Africa, was the joint
property of " Doubloon Jack," and " Pro-
vidence Solomons." He raved also about forg-
ing the Doubloons, and cheating the Spaniards,
in conjunction with Solomons.

The latter immediately disappeared, on hear-
ing before witnesses this solemn and terrible
disclosure of his iniquity and crimes. Solo-
mons had not certainly the fear of God, nor
much of the fear of man before his eyes. He
was from his youth upwards a most hardened
sinner, and having reasoned himself into a
disregard of the future, resolved to live un-
daunted, and in the way which he considered
the most gratifying, but not a moment longer,
in the present world. The confession of
Doubloon Jack involved him too deeply to
enjoy this practice and' scheme of life any longer.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 231

He ascended to his room, locked his doer, and
in less than ten minutes after his partner in
guilt gave up his soul to be dealt with by its
merciful and just Creator, Solomons placed the
muzzle of a five-barrelled pistol to his mouth,
and blew his head into countless atoms.

232 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XXIX.

SAYINGS AND DOINGS AT NEW YORK.

" Paint the manners living as they rise."

That period is not far back when theatres
were considered so unholy, as to have been en-
tirely prohibited in the United States. These
for tragedy, comedy, burlesques, and the ballet,
are now as numerous in the towns, and espe-
cially in New York as in Europe.

The first stars of the dramatic constellation of
Europe are attracted across the Atlantic by fair
and often very great remuneration. There are
also many good (chiefly comic), native actors.
The ballet when our travellers arrived, and the
pirouetting and Ariel flights and attitudes of
Fanny Ellsler, drew half the brokers and clerks
nightly from their commissions and ledgers) to

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL, CREATION. 233

the ballet, and the newspaper poetasters,
strewed not the stage with garlands, but the
press with their effusions in praise of the at-
titudes and " divine gracefulness5' of " the
twinkling feet" of the modest figurante.*

A great change in the management of the
theatres of New York and other towns is, how-
ever, indispensable before they can claim the
merit of dramatic excellence. The New York

* Although we have seen many pretty, and even poetic
verses written hy native Americans, the press (we except such
very able papers as the Argus, Atlas, and a few others, which
are conducted with as much ability as those of Europe, and with
as much impartiality as their readers permit) is too generally de-
formed with such doggerel as the following rhymes ;
" Dear Fanny, this comes hoping you are well,
You know you sprain'd your ankle when you fell,
And hurt your elbow j ' now, how do you rise ?'
Fanny, we're dying of a fever here,
But not the yellow fever, Fanny dear ;

We want to see your ' twinkling feet' and eyes,
We want to read that ' poetry unwritten/
With which the worthy Gothamites are smitten.
We make a motion that you take a notion
To move yourself this way along the ocean,
And dance into our hearts, sweet ' muse of motion.'
Ten thousand dollars — Fanny, here's a chance !
To see you dance — we'll pay it in advance —
Haste ! haste, dear girl ! If not why go to — France." —

New Orleans' Picayune.

234 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

population profess to assimilate in their taste
to that of Paris, and their dramatic critics
accuse the managers of endeavouring " stupidly
to chain the taste of the theatre-goers, to the
stiff, pompous, London system. The ruining
consequence of its adherence to this old system
is, going down as fast as it can go : the stupidity
of its management is equal to its obstinacy, and
not all the tanks of water in the world can save it
without a change — not even Noah's flood. The
Park should take a hint from us and profit by
them." It will be difficult to understand what this
critic means by tanks of water and Noah's flood.
Such, however, are specimens of thejigures of
speech used by the ephemeral American writers.
Wherever riches abound and the disposition
to spend exists, means to attract to the excite-
ment and amusement which causes expenditure
will always be provided. Such is abundantly
the case at New York. Among others are the
public gardens,* with music a la Musarde, &c. ;

* " At the head of these," says a weekly paper, " stands
Niblo's, the prince of gardens. His place is perfectly Parisian,
and that his exertions are appreciated is seen in the swarms
of beauty, fashion, intelligence, and respectability that nightly

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 235

and then the resorts to sea-bathing places, and
to the mineral wells, where showy allurements,
and many substantial comforts are provided for
the visiters. The great majority, however, of
the inhabitants of all American towns north of
the Potomac being engaged in business which
requires incessant attention, they are compelled
to remain at home and content themselves with
town amusements.

The Park Theatre, and the Bowery were
both frequented three times by Playfair and
the Major. The ecstasies and the anxious
curiosity of the New Yorkers during the ballet
at the Park, exhibited by queer phrases and
restlessgestures,muchthatwould not be expected
among a nation of money-making and supposed
to be grave primitive-mannered republicans. The
Park Theatre was usually crowded, and during
the hot weather,* those must have been indeed

flock to his place. He first introduced the Parisian Tivoli
garden style in this city. Then came Vauxhall, which also is
well attended. And now we have the New Tivoli Gardens,
fitted up beautifully on the site of the old Richmond Hill
for concerts and other light amusements, and it will certainly
succeed."
* " The Dre*s Circle of the Bowiry Theatre. — We may

.236 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

gratified during the performance, who could re-
main for three or four hours nearly suffocated
in the hot, impure, confined atmosphere of a
cramped theatre. Yet they not only did continue
to endure this night after night, but re-engaged
the prima donna of dancers on her fulfilling an
engagement at Philadelphia.*

talk as we please about the burlesque on manners published by
Marryat and others ; but a scene occurred at the Bowery on
Saturday night, that if published in either of the books of
travels, would he regarded as the wildest fiction. A gentle-
man, with two ladies, entered the dress-circle of the Bowery
soon after the play began, and finding the atmosphere very
close, deliberately took off his coat and laid it beside him ;
not being sufficiently cool he took off his vest also. Still
feeling uncomfortably warm, he rolled up his shirtsleeves,
and in this state sat out the play. This is all very well so far,
but Mr. Hamblin must issue a " circular" containing rules
to be observed in the summer season. Because it is possible,
that if the thermometer rises a few degrees higher, some of
the gentlemen may deem a further disrobing desirable, unless
assured by a printed circular that it is contra bonos mores."—-
New York Paper.

* A New York critic on the ballet, observes on this occa-
sion :

" On Wednesday night the * divine Fanny' commenced her
second engagement in this city, and with it another brilliant
triumph. The affair was a splendid one in every respect. The
ballet was ' La Sylphide,' and the after dance the * Ca-
chucha.'

«• Wednesday was intensely hot, close, and sultry.— Every one

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION, 237

How strangely does this theatre-going spirit
contrast with the puritanical manners so long,

complained of the heat, and the oppressive state of the wea-
ther. The evening was a dreadfully stormy one. The thunder
rolled and crashed overhead — the lightnings flashed with fear-
ful vividness, the rain descended in heavy torrents — and jret
the Park Theatre was crowded to suffocation in every part ; the
Shakspeare gallery was thrown open, and very soon even that
was filled. We presume that there were 1800 dollars in the
house at least.

" In short the theatre seemed to contain more people than on
any night of her first engagement. Over 500 applied for ad-
mission to the pit, and were refused. Some fortunate holders
of pit tickets speculated on them, and in some instances sold
them as high as 2ds. 50c. The dress circle presented a most bril-
liant appearance, and contained a large number of the beauty and
fashion of the city. The same was the case with the second
tier. In fact the latter circle never was honoured by the pre-
sence of so many lovely women on any former occasion.

" Every one seemed astonished. Every one was out of town
— all the beauty and fashion had gone (as every body said) to
Niagara, to Saratoga, to New Brighton, to Rockaway, to the
Ocean House, to the White Sulphur, and half a dozen other
places.

"The interior of the theatre looked quite brilliant again. It
has been thoroughly cleansed and beautified during the recess ;
splendid new crimson curtains and drapery put up in the boxes,
and the whole done up in a neat and handsome manner ; for
which, considering all things, the management deserves great
credit.

"The first piece was the ' Married Rake,* part of which the
audience hissed, solely on account of their intense impatience
to see ' La Belle Ellsler.' At last the overture ceased — a

238 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

and still very generally prevalent in Massachu-
sets.. When making some inquiries as to the

faint cry of ' hats off,' was beard — then came a breathless
silence, and the instant the curtain began to stir, and before
the charming Fanny could be seen, the whole house burst forth
in the most tremendous applause ; peal on peal arose till it
was almost deafening, and then suddenly and characteristically
ceased.

"She danced with more grace, ease, finish, and lightness,
than ever ; and the heat of the weather, and her trip to the
Catskill mountains, have actually combined to improve her
astonishing powers. She drew down repeated bursts of enthu-
siastic applause, as she glided, bounded, leaped, and almost
flew across the stage ; but in the difficult pas in the second
act, the applause absolutely drowned the music, and mo-
mentarily stopped the business of the scene. We never heard
any thing equal to it — the tumult of the elements roared and
rattled without and the tumult of the human elements roared
within. Hats and handkerchiefs waved, and even ladies cried
out * charmant V ' magnifique !' 'illustre!'

" The curtain rose for the ' Cachucha,' and discovered the
divine Fanny standing in the centre of the stage, like a beau-
tiful breathing statue. Then rose, from pit to box, and tier to
tier, the wild shout and loud hurrah. Then came the impas-
sioned exclamations which the Arabs so much delight to use,
when speaking of what they highly admire. How beautiful,
oh, God ! how very beautiful ! The cheering was positively
terrific.

" Her dancing of the cachucha is exquisitely delicious. We
do not wonder that the late King of Prussia wrote to her in
his last illness, saying, ' Do come to Berlin immediately,
that I may see you dance the cachucha once more before I
die !' "

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 239

changes of public opinion in regard to theatri-
cals, Playfair called on a Mr. publisher of

a most valuable scientific periodical, and other
works. Several newspapers lay on his table.
Among others a religious one, published in the
capital of a more northern state, crammed
full of " uncharitableness," and the absence of
"good will towards men."

" The instant the music ceased, the cheeringagain burst forth
more intensely than ever. The curtain fell, and shut out ' la
belle' from sight. At this instant every soul in the pit and
boxes rose simultaneously and shouted, 'Ellsler!' ' La belle
Fanny!' ' Ellsler !' 'Ellsler!' After the lapse of a minute
or two, Mr. Sylvain appeared leading on ' the Ellsler !'
Again and again the wild cheering commenced. She was ab-
solutely terrfied and bewildered, and advanced to the foot
lights pale as death. At last her angel smile illumined her
glorious face, and placing her baud on her heart, she exclaimed
with a most delicious patois, and in an inimitably naive manner,
1 1 am very much delighted to see you all again. Since I left
you I have found very many good— and — kind friends — but
(and here she smiled sweetly) I hare not forgotten and never
will forget my first friends of New York.'

" So saying, she curtseyed again and again, and retired. The
men jumped, shouted, hurraed, cheered, roared, thumped
sticks, and clapped their hands, till the horses in the street were
startled, and two ran off with a carriage. The ladies partook
of the general enthusiasm, and waved handkerchiefs, and
cried, ' Bravo !' And as a finishing stroke, the pit gave
'Three cheers for Fanny Ellsler,' and then, and not till then,
order was restored ! ! !"

240 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

Several intelligent persons were present, —
one of whom narrated to Playfair some account
of a son of the editor and publisher of the said
puritanical paper. The young man having a
literary turn, with fair talent, left his native
town for New York, in order to add to his stock
of knowledge. He had been brought up under
the most rigid course of instruction and re-
straint,— taught that all places of amusement,*
especially theatres, — were resorts which sub-
jected to eternal perdition all who frequented
them.

The youth grew up accordingly in the fear of
the Lord, a high example to all young puritans,
and not only assisted the elders of the presby-
tery, but prayed extemporaneously, in a shrill
tone of lamentation for sin, in comparison
with which all the groanings of Jeremiah were
songs of cheerfulness, — and the phraseology
sufficiently H fogmatic" to have constituted him,
had he then lived, one of the divines who drew
up the celebrated Westminster confession of

* Query , Are not chapels, love-feasts, camp meetings, and
revivals excepted] — P. D. .

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 241

faith. He also wrote ec Savoury Divinity/' for
his father's newspaper.

Young Nahum, however, forgetting the ad-
vice of the psalmist, u Wherewithal shall a
young man cleanse his way ? — By taking heed
thereunto according to thy word," — departed
from the paths of virtue, step by step, so far as to
walk into the Bowery Theatre,* New York ;
and there was, without the saving advantage of
a mentor by his side, as fairly captivated by
the classic attitudes of a beautiful French opera-
dancer, and the charms of many other nymphs,
as Telemachus of old was by the divine
Calypso, and her enchanting virgins.
. Nahum, however, returned, it is believed
'harmless; but not without violent struggles
against his feelings, to his native city. But be-
fore his arrival some good-natured friend who had
watched his movements at New York, wrote,
out of pure affection for the young man, to his
father, stating, that the son had actually been

* This theatre has since been subjected, say the puritans,
to retributive judgment. In fact it has been burnt to the
ground.

VOL. II. M

242 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

led away by the " tempter/' so far as to enter
that worse than Satan's house, — the theatre.

Great was the consternation, and deep was
the grief among the puritans, on hearing such
lamentable tidings of their once beloved chosen
vessel — their own, as they believed, elected of
the Lord, young Nahum.

Old Nahum and his wife Deborah, and his
daughter Susannah, were likewise sore perplexed
on the return of young Nahum. The father
said his son had sinned so far beyond the sin-
ning of the " Prodigal," that he was unworthy
to be again received within the parental
threshold. The mother was equally shocked at
young Nahum's erring after those daughters of
the Moabites, the play actresses.* If he had

* Strange indeed are the changes in respect to theatres in
America. "The majority of actors," observes the Nev) York
Herald, " who come out from England, make the same grand

mistake that Madame V did. They take too much

pains to convince the public that they are excessively moral ;
when they ought to take precisely the same trouble to con-
vince their fashionable patrons that they are decidedly immo-
ral. Look at Burton, after the row that was made about his
marrying two wives, — why there was no other actor in the
country that drew such full houses, or was so liberally
patronized by the beautiful, and fashionable, and pious women

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 243

but sinned otherwise than after the heathenish
or Midianitish women, he might, through grace,
like the prodigal son, be yet received. Susannah
prayed with all a sister's endearing affection for
him, first with her father and mother, then
with the elders of the presbytery.

The latter held a council, and it was after
long controversy decided, that young Nahum
should h^e still one race for the faith, by ap-

of this city. And if he were to be bold enough to marry a
third wife, and commit trigonometry, he would undoubtedly
go ahead of all the actors now in this country. And if it
were possible to find an actor who has bad the moral and
physical courage and capacity to marry six wives at once,
why he could make a fortune of a million of dollars in two or
three years at the furthest. Instead, therefore, of actors and
actresses buying up a portion of the press to puff them and
praise their morality, let them hire some of the penny papers
to]abuse them ; and if there are any errors or delinquencies in
their past lives, be sure and have them published as speedily
as possible. For our own part, we intend to serve the actors
and managers in this way, as much as we possibly can. There
are a great many rich and curious scenes that might be de-
veloped in relation to the fashionable managers and actresses
of the present day, that would, if published, make the fortune
of the whole. These favourable points of their character,
with that innate modesty inseparable from the profession, they
take every possible pains to conceal ; and thus the public are
kept in shameful ignorance of their numerous merits and the
really valuable points of their character."
M 2

244 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

pearing in humiliation before the whole congre-
gation as a repentant sinner, confessing his
errors in all their enormity, and submitting in
the lowliest humility to three successive re-
bukings before the Lord and his people, on
each of the three following sabbaths.

Young Nahum not being in any way inde-
pendent of his father in pecuniary means, chose
the discreet part, and yielded to the*decree of
the elders. He accordingly appeared before
the congregation, in a wet white sheet, and, in
the lowliest contrition, stood before the people,
enduring each of the three sabbaths the full
measure of rebuke pronounced aloud by the
preachers.

Young Nahum has, however, since those
days given loose to his will ; travels and writes
on his own account, — feels ashamed of having
been bred a puritan, — dresses in the cut of a
Broadway dandy, — has not only again entered
the pit and gallery of the Bowery Theatre, but
has fearlessly penetrated behind the scenes of
tl.e Park, where he is on the most agreeably
intimate terms with the divine sylphs of the

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 245

ballet, who find in return great favour and
applause in the public prints, through young
Nahum's superior critical tact, under the heads
of u dance and drama"

His ambition, it is said, grows with his pro-
gress, and he now aspires to that important
post, an attacheship to one of the United
States' Foreign Legations.

246 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XXX.

THE FOURTH OF JULY.

The Major and Playfair made excursions to
Rockaway and Oceanhouse, and, from the com-
manding heights of Staten Island, viewed New
York and its extensive bay, New Jersey, Long
Island, the splendid vista up the Hudson,
and the boundless ocean without. Our mili-
tary hero, then left New York, on being re-
quested by a letter from the provincial secre-
tary to return and take possession of the land
granted him in New Brunswick as a major on
the retired list of British officers.

Playfair remained to witness the movements
of the fourth of July, -the anniversary of Ame-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 247

rican independence. This national holiday has
usually been celebrated in every town of the
republic, by the firing of artillery, processions,
addresses, dinners, and fireworks. On the pre-
sent occasion the approaching contest for the
presidentship amplified its political character;
and the Loco-focos and the Harrison party
manifested their respective humours and views
in processions, banners, and scurrilous abuse of
each other.

The Loco-focos held their meetings, proclaim-
ing for re-election as president, Van Buren, and
as vice-president Coloned Johnson, who shot,
or said he shot, the renowned Indian warrior
and orator Tecumseh.

With drums beating, trumpets blowing, brass
instruments playing, banners flying, a vast as-
semblage of the Loco-focos, belonging to the
city and surrounding countries, held a meeting,
to which they marched in procession, in Castle
Garden. They commenced by firing a salute
of sixty-four guns in honour of the number of
years since the declaration of the first inde-
pendence. They then fired, and hurraed, and

248 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

shouted. The assembled Loco-focos were esti-
mated at "thirty thousand bodies" and they
were not libelled when likened to those whom St.
John in his revelations beheld, " for they were
a multitude, which no man could number,
of all nations, and people, and kindred, and
tongues.'5*

* The log-cabin or Harrison press, speaking of a Loco-
foco meeting, stated, "The whig party papers of this city, as
usual, either pass the subject over in silence, or else tell all
sorts of lies about it. The Loco-foco papers are but two in
number, and of these, the only one displaying the least talent
is the New Era ; the other, the Post, is edited by a poor
miserable milk-and-water rhymer, one half hypocrite, one
quarter fool, and the rest worse than either ; and all that he
has to say on the subject is borrowed from the Era, which
latter is a curious mixture of truth, nonsense, balderdash,
folly, and good sense.

*' On Monday afternoon, then, about half-past two o'clock,
the Loco-focos, or as they say they are, the real democracy of
the country, began to bestir themselves. Many of them had
taken an additional glass of wine and brandy with their dinner
(for many of the Loco-focos do drink not a little wine), and
consequently were in high spirits.

" This motley mass of human beings was eternally in motion ;
into the bar-room, through the arena, up the stairs, through
the saloon, around the galleries, down the stairs, over the
bridge, into Peter Baynard's across to Pettet's, and back
again, from the beginning to the close of the meeting.

" The scene was highly exhilarating. The sun shone brightly,
the wind blew freshly ; flags were flying, children crying,

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 249

Their banners displayed, among many others,
the mottoes as u Croghan* association, and Jirst
dependence, 4th July, 1776." "Second inde-
pendence SUB-TREATY BILL 4th July, 1840.

men hurraing, drums beating, cannons roaring, petticoats
floating hither and thither, glasses rattling, but brandy-punch
and gin slings swilling ; then more cheers, and guns and drums
and trumpets! Oh, it was what one honest, but hard-spoken
Loco-foco called it, 'ah — 11 of a day for democracy !— It
opened rich !'

" The immense multitude dispersed without any accident and
in high spirits. Many remained drinking at Marsh's bar,
and numbers flocked over to Pettet's and to Peter Baynard's.
The arrangements at each place were excellent, as they always
are; and had not the liquors of each been of the first quality,
the amount of mischief done by drinking this day would have
been incalculable.

" There was probably more brandy, gin, wine, rum, and all
sorts of liquor drank between two and four o'clock on that
afternoon, than ever was drank in any two hours in New York
before, or ever will be again. It was one stirring scene of ex-
citement, drinking, swearing, greeting, jostling, laughing,
shouting, and shaking of hands. There were two or three
fights, one or two stump speeches on the green, and half a
dozen pockets picked without much money being lost. But
take it altogether it was the greatest Loco-foco meeting we have
had here in ten years. It opened rich and closed in character"

* Croghan, who in 1813 repulsed a very large force, was
at the time twenty-one years only, yet a major commanding
the garrison at Fort Stephenson, near Fort Meigs. The Loco-
focos, endeavouring to deprive Harrison of all merit, have
transferred such honour to junior officers such as Johnson
and Croghan.

M 3

250 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

Croghan association, we can defend the
fort, and by heaven we ivill!" " Martin Van
Buren, Richard Johnson, President and
Vice-president, and no mistake.3' — " gold in
trade and truth in politics.55 — "No hard
cider, and no humbug, and no Harrison.5'

The glorious fourth broke in upon Playfair,
by the report, while he was asleep, of ten or
twelve pistol-shots fired in the passages leading
to the ^bedrooms. Firing of pistols and guns
at daybreaking to arouse the citizens and stran-
gers from their sleep being a favourite practical
joke on fete-days in America.

Playfair awoke, and knowing that there was
no more rest for him on that day, arose from
bed and dressed. Finding that several lodgers
were preparing to go and (( see all the sights
of the day," he accompanied Jasper Vanders-
pink, a shrewd, observing, quaint, talking per-
son,— a regular boarder, — a descendant of one
of the early Dutch settlers, and long a resident
in New York.

The morning was clear and warm, the whole
city in commotion. e< Let us progress to the

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 251

Park/5 said Vanderspink, " for they have been
up there all night putting up booths."

To the Park they proceeded before sunrise.
On their way they met heavy-rolling fire-en-
gines, with the firemen, returning from extin.
guishing a fire which had only destroyed one
house. When they reached the Park, they
found booths erected nearly all round the rail-
ings.— Some of those were meager, some large,
and many abundantly filled.

" Here," said Vanderspink, as they walked
on, " be booths for Loco-focos, — there be some,
too, for Log-cabin folks, — there be some for
niggers, — others for the wild Irish. There look
on the drunken rowdies, — look at that swab,
already filled with red-eye-rum, snoring in the
gutter, and a Loco-foco painting his face red, and
blue, and green ; — there go the pistols and guns,
bang, bang, bang, — the peace of the city is,
I guess, proclaimed to be broken for twenty-
four hours."

A roar of cannon announced the moment of
sunrise, and then the booths began to assume
the bustle and preparation of full activity.

252 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

Playfair made some remarks on the extraor-
dinary variety of articles with which the booths
were crammed, and Vanderspink observed,
<{ Yes, squire, regfar stores, all kinds, I guess ;
there bee's regiments of bottles and decanters
of red brandy, blue gin, white Hollands, Mo-
nongehala whiskey, and Santa Cruz rum. There's
kegs of hard cider, barrels of callibogus, switchel,
red-eye-rum, and spruce-beer. Kettles of coffee,
hot and cold, — skyrockets, roast pigs, fire-ser-
pents, apples, crackers, cigars, squibs, loaves,
blue-lights, fish, smoking-pipes, pumpkin-pies,
chewing-tobacco, and flags. Now, squire, they
begins, — there goes the coffee at three cents the
cup, — there the blue gin, and red-eye-rum !
Losh me ! how they eats and guzzles ! — How
they fires and swears ! — Look, squire, at that
ould fisfemati* boxing the yellow fellow, — and
that there row between the niggers and wild
Irish ! !"

From the Park Playfair and Vanderspink
proceeded to the harbour. Here the shipping

* Fishwoman is so termed.— Editor.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 253

were gorgeously decked with flags and streamers,
stars and stripes, and fancy flags which decorated
the masts and stays of vessels great and small ;
while, at the same time, boats filled with parties
of men and women in their best dresses were
moving to and fro on the water. About nine
o'clock, a fire broke out and five houses were
destroyed,* yet little care was taken : — at ele-
ven the fireworks set a soap-manufactory in
a blaze, — and at noon four or five houses were
destroyed, and some time after there was ano-
ther fire, in which a mother and child perished.
Playfair and his leader then went to see the
review. " Bee's they not 'mazing brave, and fine
and fierce looking," said Vanderspink, " both in-
fantry and cavalry, in their marching and ebolu-
t ions. D osn't you guess, squire, they would carry

* It is said, that one house, at least, in twenty is burnt an-
nually at New York. Cigar-smoking, house-firing, and espe-
cially stores, by the occupants, in order to recover amounts in-
sured greatly above the value, — the agents of the insurance
companies setting fire to houses uninsured, and the careless-
ness of negro- servants and workmen, are the causes usually
assigned for the daily fires in that city. The first and last are*
however, the chief causes, and the charge against the insurance
companies must be unfounded. — Editor.

254 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

all glory in war. Dosn't the battery look beauti-
ful? And behold the. winders of Philadelphia,
with such rafts of superfine upper-crust girls and
mothers, who've corned to view the review! ! \"

At this moment, the officer commanding, an
awkward rider, backed his heavy horse abruptly,
and unhorsed a major, who fell amidst the dis-
orderly troop, and broke one of his legs. Play-
fair being shocked at the carelessness with
which the accident was witnessed, Vanderspink
observed, cc That is General Sadfield, who sits
his horse like a tailor on his board, and univer-
sally involves his cavalry, and has knocked off
one of his aids, whose legs are now broke. He
has no more military science than Colonel
Cluck."

The troops were dismissed, and then away
went the crowds to the orations, and other
public places, as Niblo's gardens. "At the
tabernacle," said Vanderspink, "we'el have a
terrible smart orator" There they went, but
the terrific orator was, or feigned to be, sick.

From thence they drove in a hackney to
Niblo's gardens, where the band of the rifles

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 255

were playing, and that corps and a number of
well or rather gaily dressed women assembled.
Here an oration, on the 4th of July, and on
glory, stripes, and stars, was pronounced. From
Niblo's they proceeded to Green-street Church,
which was filled by all classes, sexes, and sizes,
to hear what Vanderspink styled "a capital
performance, an oration on glory and the 4th
of July." This was somewhat deranged by
some mischievous individuals firing off a highly
overcharged swivel, which burst and fractured
the sexton's skull, and injured several per-
sons.

During the whole day the city exhibited a
scene of constant action, confusion, and noise ;
as night came on the theatres were filled, and
the prince of sulphur and saltpetre, as they call
a Mr. Etch, had prepared fireworks on a scale
of grandeur previously unknown at New York.
In all parts they were let off until midnight,
and more than once the city was threatened
with a general conflagration.

Playfair was invited to dine with the conser-
vative party at the National Hall. Matters

256 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

were decently conducted at this feast, until a
number of Loco-focos -who went there to gulp
champagne and madeira, and create mischief,
occasioned some disorder. On which Playfair
returned through the noise and confusion of the
streets to his lodgings.

On the following morning Vanderspink, who
had gone to the Tippecanoe dinner, asserted
that feast " to be the dinner of the day," at
which was present the venerable live eagle,
fifty- seven years old, which hovered around the
head of General Harrison last war ! Ci Here,"
said he, " we had an elegant dinner, the best
champagne, and hardest cider, national toasts,
and we fixed a standing general one for Novem-
ber election. Here it is : —

" General Harrison, for President,
(i John Tyler, for Vice-president.
u Martin Van Buren, for Kinderhook.*
"We then cheered, and astonished the Old
Eagle, and played the c Rogue's March' for
Martin Van Buren ; and then we drank in the

* In American parlance, to send lain into banishment.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 257

sense of contrary, the journals of the admini-
stration, and the administration itself, and the
band played the dead march in Saul. We had
songs gloriously well sung, and one good new
one by an Albany poet. It is rale genuoyne,
and here squire is a copy of it, and the tune is
the Star-spangled banner."

Song.

Oh ! what is that sound swelling loudly on high

Wherever our land shows its boundless dominions,
And uncurb'd, with his stars and his stripes, in the sky
Borne aloft by our flag, spreads our Eagle his pinions ?
'Tis an empire's glad strain !
The free, hailing again
The day when their sires trod on sceptre and chain :
And proudly their sons will remember this day,
Till the last wave of time bears its glories away.

Oppression strode on — the cloud gather'd o'erhead,

And Freedom beheld him, with scorn, from her station,
Our Eagle's fierce eye blazed with wrath at his tread,
Till the day that our land rear'd its front as a nation.
Then the red lightning sprung,
Then the thunder-burst rung,
'Twas the eye- flash of freedom — the sound of her tongue j
Then proudly her sons will remember this day,
Till the last wave of time bears its glories away.

258 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

In its field stood the plough — the axe ceased in the wood,

From his log cabin gladly the wild hunter sallied,
From city and glen, throngs were pour'd like a flood,
To the flag where the ranks of the valiant were rallied.
Oh ! let Bunker's red height,
And let Trenton's wild fight,
Tell how nobly our sires bled and died for the right ;
Then proudly their sons will remember this day,
Till the last wave of time bears its glories away.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 259

CHAPTER XXXI.

THE COASTING-VOYAGE.

Playfair finding it necessary to repair in a
few weeks to Halifax, in Nova Scotia, and being
now weary of New York, made up his mind,
instead of proceeding direct, to make a coasting-
voyage to Nova Scotia, landing wherever he
thought most interesting, and travelling, if such
might appear necessary, part of the way by
land.

He embarked on board a powerful steam-
boat for Newhaven. The deck was crowded
with passengers of all classes, ages, sizes, and
professions. As they proceeded through the
Sound, the view of New York with the ship-

260 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

ping, and the country-houses on each side was
richly varied, picturesque, and magnificent.
On passing through the rapid whirling narrows
of Hell gate, in which many serious accidents
have happened, the full force of steam power
was necessary to impel the vessel forward. On
passing along the shores of Long Island, groups
of passengers were landed, and several were taken
on board. In little more than two hours they
entered the broad part of the Sound, with the
heights of Connecticut to the north, while the
steamer was receding gradually from the lower
shores of Long Island.

A grave thoughtfulness of expression and
countenance prevailed among the passengers.
They seemed another race, very different from
those left behind in the south. They all ap-
peared, even the children, as if engaged in
calculation. Those who landed on Long
Island formed an exception, some of whom
were the descendants of the old Dutch settlers ;
others, visiters from New York, and a few
freed blacks, men and women, dressed in

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 261

their holiday finery of nankeen and coloured
calicoes.

Playfair entered into conversation with those
whose faces indicated originality of character.
One, a quaker, returning home to Nantucket,
gave him an account of the whale fishery, two
others, primitive-looking men, going back to
Cape Cod, gave him a full account of the
American fisheries. In the evening they ar-
rived and landed at Newhaven.

This is one of the neatest towns in the
world, its state house built like the Parthenon,
its Gothic and other churches, its cemetery,
Yale College, some excellent schools and other
institutions, a magnificent square and some fine
streets lined with trees, arrest the attention of
the stranger, and assure him that the citizens
possess good taste in architecture, and a just
estimation of the benefits of instruction and
good order. Professor Silliman himself would
be an honour as well as an ornament to any
country. His journal of science is one of the
most sound as well as learned periodicals in the
world. The spirit of intelligence, order, and

262 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

thrift, prevailed every where in this town. In
the principal hotel Playfair was well lodged, and
civilly attended to. It is such towns and such
a population, as that of Newhaven, and of Con-
necticut generally, that do honour to the
United States, and form the great redeeming
points of their general character.

After passing two days at Newhaven, and
making an excursion to Hartford, Playfair
travelled agreeably enough over a country in
which the industry of the people was every
where manifested, to Rhode Island, and crossed
in a ferry-boat to the old town of Newport. An
assemblage of quiet, respectable families who
visit this town on account of its salubriousness,
renders it a very agreeable bathing-place.

Its houses and streets look far more like a
town in old, than in New, England, and its
harbour defended by forts would afford safe
anchorage for the largest fleet in the world.

A fast-sailing schooner being ready to start for
Nantucket, and for a port in Nova Scotia, the
day after Playfair's arrival at Newport he em-
barked on board of this beautiful craft.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 263

They sailed with a favourable brisk wind
between Martha's vineyard, and the picturesque
shores of Massachusets, and before the sun
disappeared beyond the western mountains,
the graceful clipper anchored and furled her
sails in the harbour of Nantucket.

264 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XXXII.

THE NANTUCKERS.

Of all the places which Playfair had visited,
none interested him more than Nantucket.
This naturally sterile island, situated twenty
miles from continent, often enveloped in fogs,
and surrounded by dangerous shoals, was set-
tled at an early period of colonial history by a
few families of quakers. The lands, comprising
twenty-eight thousand acres, are scarcely fit for
any cultivation, but the island affords tolerable
pasturage for black-cattle and sheep:* which, with

* The inhabitants possess about 500 head of horned cattle,
which feed together in one herd, and 14,000 sheep which
pasture in common. — Editor.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 265

the lands, are all held in common by a popula-
tion of about seven thousand, most of whom
are quakers.

Playfair found every thing in Nantucket
conducted with the most systematic order.
Method, and rule, and custom, regulates every
plan and every action.

The language of the people is quaint, and
primitive, and containing many words not in-
cluded in the English dictionary. Playfair's
lodgings at the inn were plain, yet convenient
and very comfortable. The population live as
if they were one great family. No discord, no
jealousy, has ever disturbed their tranquillity.
The young people of both sexes call each other
cousin, and their elders, uncle or aunt. They
marry young, and celibacy is rare among them.
In constitution and appearance they are robust
and healthy; and the men having, nearly all,
been from boyhood trained to a seafaring life,
are hardy, enterprising sailors and fishers.
None are poor — none destitute. Affectionately
attached to their island, they seldom leave it
in order to settle in distant parts : in this re-

VOL. II. N

266 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

spect they differ altogether from the New Eng-
enders. They are remarkably social, and fre-
quently sup at each Other's houses. "Assist
one another," is their first rule of conduct.
Their cattle, and the wool of their sheep is to
them of considerable value, as they make
nomespun cloth and hosiery of the wool, and
the black-cattle and sheep yield them butter
and cheese, and animal food.

The sea, however, is the region from which
they derive their chief means of subsistence.
The island has its banks, insurance offices,
several places of worship, extensive works for
preparing spermaceti, and about twenty-eight
thousand tons of shipping, or about four tons
to each man, woman, and child. The educa-
tion of youth is strictly attended to, crime is
unknown ;and a man who has been brought up
in this happy island carries along with him, in
that circumstance, a full guarantee for the
morality and integrity of his character.

" How does the whale fishery, which you
began at so early a period, succeed nowadays Vf
asked Playfair, of a plain man, of excellent

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 267

countenance and dressed in the neat habit of
the friends, and who appeared to be a guest,
but who was in reality the landlord of the
inn.

" Friend/5 he replied, " the taking of the
whale, the leviathan of the deep, was early in
the settlement of our society. Six of our
fathers began it. One stood upon the hill, and
when he beheld the whale sending forth the
white spouting, he signalized the direction to
the five brethren who were in a boat, and rowed
in pursuit of the leviathan — and thus, under
protection of the all-powerful God, did gene-
rally take the great fish. In process of time
the whales waxed scarce, in this our sea, and our
fathers were imboldened to go north, into the
Saint Lawrence Gulf,* and thence again to the

* "The whales caught within the gulf of St. Lawrence are
those called ' hump-backs,' which yield, on an average, about
three tons of oil ; some have been taken seventy feet long,
which produced eight tons. The mode of taking them is some-
what different from that followed by the Greenland fishers ;
and the Gaspe fishermen first acquired an acquaintance with it
from the people of Nantucket. An active man, accustomed
to boats and schooners, may become fully acquainted with
every thing connected with this fishery in one season. The
N 2

268 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

straits of Davis, and now for a generation our
ships proceedeth to the great ocean of the
Pacific. On the morrow, by the grace of
Jehovah, our great ship, that is called 'The
Aunt Deborah/ will depart on that anxious
voyage round the Cape of Horn. Friend, thou
mayst peradventure not be unwilling to witness
the parting of that ship and her master and
mariners ; if thou have a mind, thoii can then
accompany me."

A pretty neatly-dressed girl of seventeen, in
the quaker costume, came into the room, and

vessels best adapted for the purpose are schooners of from
seventy to eighty tons burden, manned with a crew of eight
men, including the master. Each schooner requires two
boats, about twenty feet long, built narrow and sharp, and
with pink sterns ; and two hundred and twenty fathoms of line
are necessary in each boat, with spare harpoons and lances.
The men row towards the whale, and, when they are very
near, use paddles, which make less noise than oars. Whales
are sometimes taken fifteen minutes after they are struck with
the harpoon. The Gaspe fishermen never go out in quest of
them until some of the small ones, which enter the bay about
the beginning of June, appear ; these swim too fast to be
easily harpooned, and are not, besides, worth the trouble.
The large whales are taken off the entrance of Gaspe Bay, on
each side of the Island of Anticosti, and up the River St. Law-
rence as far up as Bique.*' — Macgregor's British America.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 269

said to the landlord, a Father, my mother hath
bidden me to make known to thee, that the
supper is prepared, and to tell thee that our
aunts and uncles and cousins, who have been
bidden, have even now come. Mother hath
likewise bidden me to tell thee, father, that it
will be kind in thee to ask the stranger friend
to our supper/'

This the landlord did and they moved on to the
eating-parlour, in which there was a table well
covered with fish, flesh, and fowl, and around
which there sat about twelve persons young and
old besides the family : among others were the
mate of the good ship Aunt Deborah, and three
young men, whom the landlord's daughter
called cousins and w7ho were about sailing on
the morrow for the Pacific.

There was plain good sense displayed in the
hospitable feast thus given. Some of the cakes,
and the cookery, were peculiar to the island;
but all was good in its wray. Those assembled
round the table seemed to have ever lived on
terms of the most sincere affection, and although
the conversation was chiefly confined to them-

270 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

selves and to the voyage of the Aunt Deborah^
it gave Playfair at once a sufficiently clear view
of the manners and lives of the worthy inha-
bitants of Nantucket.

On the following morning Playfair accom-
panied his landlord and family to witness the
departure of the ie Aunt Deborah."

It was a most affecting scene, this parting, for
nearly three years, of mothers, parents, and sons,
of husbands and wives, of brothers and sisters,
of lovers and their beloved affianced sweet-
hearts, as the good ship Aunt Deborah unfurled
her sails, and left Nantucket amidst the prayers,
blessings, hopes, and anxieties of a vast con-
course of the old and young of both sexes :
never were the feelings of love and tenderness
more affectionately manifested.

These voyages to the Pacific last about two
and a half years, but the ships are fitted out
with every article that may be necessary for the
comfort and the health of the crews, for at least
three years. The account of the preparation
for whaling voyages, and the departures of the
ships, as related to Playfair, are attended with

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL. CREATION. 271

the most anxious affecting cares, and circum-
stances. The mothers, wives, sisters, or daugh-
ters of these hardy and adventurous men
are, long before the day of sailing, eagerly, yet
quietly and thriftily occupied in collecting every
delicacy for the long voyage, and in providing and
arranging in proper order all sorts of clothing
suitable for the boisterous and cold rigours of
the antarctic regions, as well as for the serene
climate and gentle seas of the Pacific.

These ships proceed sometimes round Cape
Horn, at others round the Cape of Good Hope ;
they frequently meet each other in the Pacific.
The Indian, Chinese, and Pacific Oceans are
better known to American whalers than to any
other navigators ; this fact, and their great care in
keeping two men always stationed at the mast-
head, on the look-out for land or breakers, will ac-
count for the very few shipwrecks among them,
although they navigate the most boisterous re-
gions, and, on the charts at least, the most im-
perfectly known seas in the world. The dangers
to which they are exposed are great, the hazards
they encounter require great skill and courage to
avoid, with safety to the ship and crew.

2?2 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

The schooner being ready for departure,
Playfair embarked, and they sailed on a beauti-
ful evening with a light fair breeze. During the
night the wind veered round, and next morning,
as the sun rose in wrothful sublimity in the red
eastern sky, it came on to blow a gale directly
ahead, which compelled the schooner to run
for shelter behind the sandy peninsula of Cape
Cod. This extraordinary neck of land is little
else than lagoons, divided by ridges of white
sandhills, on which houses are, however, built
on large stakes, driven into the ground, with open-
ings between to allow the sand to drift through.
The place is, however, thickly settled by a hardy
adventurous race, deriving their subsistence
from the fisheries. u In dress, in language,
and in their customs, they differ from other
folks," said the master of the clipper.

The wind backed round to the east in the
evening, and they sailed again on their voyage
towards Nova Scotia. It blew fresh during the
night, and the sea rolled in heavily from the
Atlantic. Next day, being off Penobscot Bay,
the captain thought it prudent to run in for
shelter, and Playfair, taking advantage of the

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 273

circumstance, landed, and proceeded in a boat
up the river to Bangor.

Penobscot Bay is a magnificent arm of the
sea, decked with headlands and innumerable
islands, and enlivened by the vessels trading
for timber and deals brought down the great
river of the same name. Playfair, on arriving
at Bangor, proceeded to the great hotel, where
all was activity and talk about trade, timber,
mill-privileges, and disputed territory.

\3

274 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XXXIII.

MAMMOTH HOTEL.

" Were I in a condition to stipulate with death, I should
certainly decline against submitting to it before ray friends;
and therefore never seriously think upon the mode and man-
ner of this grand catastrophe, but I constantly draw the cur-
tain across it, with this wish that the disposer of all events may
so order it, that it happens not to me in my own house, but
rather at some decent inn." — See Sterne.

* Mighty slick progressing, I guess ! This
here is the tarnation great Mammoth !" ex-
claimed Mr. Melchizedec Plank, a speculator
from Massachusets, as he flung his long legs
over three chairs, with his head and shoulders
resting against the side of the chimney, in
which at the time there was, although in sum-
mer, a beechwood fire blazing.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 275

It was in the great public room of, we believe,
the hugest hotel in America, and in a town
which, although only cut out of the dark forest
within the last twenty years, now contains as
many thousands of " genuyne go-ahead"
Yankees.

The Penobscot flows majestically and navi-
gably down before Bangor to the sea. The
town, with its rectangular streets, its chapels,
taverns, shops, stores, smithies, timber and
ship yards, rose along the banks, quickly as the
growth of that favourite American gourd, the
pumpkin, and all by the enchantment of the
" go-ahead" spirit.

The vast forests through which the Penob-
scot and its branches flow, — the fertile soil
which produced those splendid woods, and the
abundant water-power or mill- privileges of the
interior, formed and still form the great at-
tractions which have drawn from the (so con-
sidered) over-populous districts of New Eng-
land those swarms of speculators who have given
the wild and extensive frontier district of
Maine a population sufficient to establish a

276 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

state sovereignty among the nations of the
Union.

<e What is mighty slick progressing, and tar-
nation great Mammoth ?" Playfair asked of the
same lank, bony, personage who lay, as we have
said, across three chairs, in most independent
position, with a newspaper in his hand, drink-
ing switchel, and spitting on the hearth.

" Why squire, can't you guess ?" replied
Melchizedec, " chopping this here capital mighty
city out of the bush, with this here universal
Mammoth Tavern, with two safety banks, a
terrible lot of chapels, tarnation many grog-stores,
thundering timber-booms, whacking dockyards,
prime rum and molasses wharfs, clever colleges,
spry state-houses, 'stonishing court-houses,
terrification jails, smart governors, 'cute
judges, slashing colonels, electrifying preachers,
invincible melishiar, botheration lawyers,
physication doctors, slick auctioneers, inde-
pendent newspapers, teetotal temperances,
chanty Dorcas's, and popular anti-nigger
meetings, is what I call mighty slick pro-
gressing."

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 277

" Yes, I guess that bees progressing," whined
a Mr. Lazarus Gimmel, a horned-nose-look-
ing man, who said he had " corned slick down
from the disputed territory : and I swear,"
he continued, " if Old England don't give up
all that 'ere land, from Mar's Hill to the
genooyne highlands, with all that ere eight
millions acres of lands, and all that 'ere uni-
versal lot of timber and mill-privileges, we will
go to war !"

" Who will go to war ?" said Play fair.

u Why, Old Tip, General Harrison, when he
is /selected, as he soon will, president, I guess,
quite slick ! — that ere hero has beat the Eng-
lishes and Ingins already over and again over,
and he /as jist going quite slick to conquer
Mexico, and take disputed territory wen we
wotes him president/*'

a e Old Tip/ as you call him," observed Play-
fair, "will do no such thing."

" Won't he, squire ?" snorted Melchizedec.
" If he don't, I guess, State of Maine folk will
never at all vote him president."

278 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

" The federal government at Washington
will view the question, no doubt, honestly,"
observed Playfair.

Squire Habakuk Endicott, a New Hamp-
shire farmer, then remarked, i: Yes ; and you
Down Easters must give in."

" Pork and molasses seize us 'tarnally if we
don't go the whole hog for Maine, or we'll nul-
lify," twanged half a dozen who had just entered
for the table d'hote,

" But," said Playfair, " why not take the de-
cision of the Dutch king ?"

" We'll tar and feather the Dutch king,"
said an old privateersman, now the master of a
schooner.

" We'll strip him stark naked, duck him in
molasses, and tie him in the sun, over a marsh,
for the mosquitoes to frolic on his sour-crout
carcass," said a genuine swamp-hunter.

*' Both his eyes we 'ell gouge out," swore a
lumberer.

" All that will not signify, England will not
give up the territory you claim," said Playfair.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 279

" I guess she will, squire,55 said all, except
the New Hampshire farmer, " for if she don't
we'll terrify England." ,

"How?"

" By going to war, squire."

" But," said Habakuk Endicott, "the federal
government will not declare war."

" But State of Maine will, and conquer Old
England into terrification," whanged the whole
speculative band, as the signal for the table
d'hote was given, where, indeed, the term
" slick as lightning," seemed verified.

The apartment in which the table d'hote was
laid out was a vast parallelogram, with plastered
walls and ceiling, a deal floor, a great fireplace
at one end, and a large cast-iron stove at the
other. On one side hung a wooden clock,
opposite an oldfashioned mahogany looking-
glass. In each corner was a buffet or cupboard,
crammed with glasses, plates, and teacups.
Plain wooden chairs, two pine side-tables, and
the long one, at which about fifty persons in-
stantaneously mustered, completed the furni-
ture.

The landlady, about forty in years, and deco-

280 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

rated with a crimson bombasin dress and wear-
ing yellow morocco slippers, gold earrings, and
with her hair gathered into a long plat hanging
down behind, sat at the head of the table. Be-
fore her stood an immense tureen of smoking-
hot soup. On one side were two grown-up bash-
ful-looking pretty girls, in short-waisted printed
calico frocks; their hair also hanging down
in plats. On the other sat three evidently
married women boarders, whose husbands
were far off in the wilderness directing some
lumbering gangs.* The remainder, consisted
of a judge in a drab surtout, blue and yellow
striped waistcoat, checked shirt, and crimson
cravat ; a colonel in the militia, with a round blue
sailor-like jacket, red waistcoat, ruffled shirt,
and green neckerchief, — the aforesaid New
Hampshire farmer, clad in amply-fashioned good
gray warm homespun, — about twelve lum-
berers all dressed in the finery of a slop-dealer's
shop, the waists of their sky blue coats a foot
long, the two gilt buttons behind stuck nearly
between their shoulders, and the narrow skirts

* Parties of men who go to the forest to cut timber, are so
called.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 281

reaching down to their thin calves ; — four mas-
ters of schooners, in olive Flushing pea-jackets
and nankeen or calico waistcoats ; — four or five
shopkeepers or brokers, regular boarders in
garbs far more fantastic than fashionable ; — two
methodist preachers, in rusty black coats, and
white whining neckerchiefs ; — the editor and
printer of the democrat newspaper, and his rival
the editor of the Federalist, with three snake-eyed
looking lawyers, and lastly the notable Mr.
Jonathan Lust, who had formerly been success-
fully rousing the province of New Brunswick
from its state of seeming irreligious torpor, but
who now for the first time appeared at Bangor
with the prospectus of the first number of a
newspaper with a cat-o'-nine- tails for its em-
blem, and for its title "The Tickler."

With the exception of the ladies to whom
alone place was given, all sat down pell-mell,
regardless of each other. One of the preachers
pronounced grace, which, we are bound to say,
though too long for ordinary Yankee patience,
was decorously attended to: for knives and
jaws moved not until the solemn benediction

282

BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

was pronounced. Then began the work of havoc.
The soup went round from half a dozen
tureens, — each person helping himself; then
to the demolition of boiled cod, fried mackerel,
and salted salmon, of three turkeys, as many-
geese, roast beef, boiled salt pork, and boiled
mutton; of potatoes, turnips, pumpkin-pies,
and cranberry-tarts. Decanters were filled with
rum, mugs with molasses, and jugs with water
or spruce beer. One hacked a turkey, another
sliced beef, a third tore a goose to atoms, some
loaded their plates with fish, goose, pork,
molasses, beef, turkey, and pumpkin-pie ; these
were " genooyne go-aheaders" Others were
sufficiently decorous, in devouring only of one
dish at a time ; all ate as if the fate of the
United States and Harrison's election de-
pended on the haste in which the various dishes
were demolished. Not a word was spoken;
no noise, but the clattering of jaws, knives and
forks, and the speedy march of dishes from one
hand to another. The rum and the beer were
included in the charge for dinner ; but little of
either was drunk. There was no time for such

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION, 283

unsolid labour. In less than fifteen minutes
every dish on the table was hacked, sliced,
smashed, or gobbled; leaving scattered yet
plentiful vestiges of the wreck to which a short
quarter of an hour had reduced the numerous
covers under which the table had previously
creaked. In an instant up jumped the shop-
keepers, skippers, and lumberers, and off they
hustled to the bar, where they gulped some rum
and molasses, gin-and- water, or brandy and
beer ; then off as speedily to their several inces-
sant dollar-hunting " go-ahead" speculations.

u It is this progressing, go-ahead spirit/*
said Mr. Habakuk Endicott, "which chopped
this here clever city so slick out of the bush,
that those that come fust here, without a cent,
from Boston hospital, made two thousand
dollars afore those other hospital folks who
came out next day could follow Jera."

The landlady, the girls, and the women, re-
moved now to another apartment, a sort of
drawing-room, the preachers followed them;
Mr. Jonathan Lust joined, intent upon his news-
paper, which, from the completion of its first
number, he evidently intended to be a chronique

284 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

scandaleuse, lampooning political characters,
ridiculing religious sects, and exposing per-
sonalities. The man, the emblem, and the
title were well suited.

Mr. Habakuk Endicott, although not free
from the common phraseology of language which
local circumstances and other peculiarities have
created, especially in the Massachusets and
eastern states, was an excellent representa-
tive of by far the best and most respectable
class of the population of the Anglo-Ame-
rican republic : that is, the old farmers of the
non-slaveholding states. He was shrewd in
his observations, sagacious in his views, and
practical in his ideas. His code of political
and rural economy was no doubt drawn from
" Franklin's Poor Richard's Almanack," and
from the many other useful and sage sayings of
that illustrious philosopher. Being desirous to
acquire some practical observations from so
respectable a man as Mr. Endicott (who is,
we believe, although he knows not the lineage,
a descendant of the eminent early emigrant of
that name), Playfair prevailed with him to have
a glass of wine first, and then, after arranging,

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 285

without any difficulty, for a good carpeted sit-
ting-room, with a good arm-chair, and with
a clean little bedroom attached, he walked out
with Mr. Endicott to view the city of Bangor,
with its activity, trade, and navigation.

286 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XXXIV.

THE CAUCAS MEETING.

" Souvent l'Europ£an ne voit dans le fonctionaire publique
que la force ; l'Americain y voit le droit. On peut done dire
qu'en Amerique l'homme n'obeit jamais a l'uomme mais a la
justice ou a la loi." — De Tocqueville.

They proceeded to the river's side, where
wharfs or wooden piers extended along the whole
front of the town outwards into deep water, ex-
cept where spaces here and there were occupied
by timber-booms or ship-building yards.

There were no idlers in the street, nor any
where else to be seen, excepting a few wretched
Penobscot Indians, for whom the earth's surface
seemed now to have neither room, shelter, nor
occupation. All else was never-ceasing activity in

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 287

the strife of acquiring money or other property.
Houses were building here, — boats and ships
there. Rafts of timber or deals were floating
down the river; steamers were departing and
arriving ; — vessels were taking on board from the
timber-booms or wharfs their assorted cargoes of
spars, timber-logs, deals, and boards, for the
markets of Boston, New York, or Charleston ; —
vessels returning from those ports were discharg-
ing numerous commodities, as flour, and other
provisions ; — rum, molasses, tobacco, and various
tropical productions, and merchandise manufac-
tured either in Old or New England.

River craft were taking on board the articles re-
quired in the new districts, for those employed at
the saw-mills, or at the lumbering camps. Trucks
were wheeling merchandise up to the stores or
shops, others were rolling or carrying off bales^
casks, or boxes ; such was the lively scene which
presented itself in this thriving town. How few
in England or France ever heard of its ex-
istence !

After the close of the day there were no
theatres, no tea-gardens, no balls, nor other
amusements as at New York. * No ! but

288 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

there was/5 said Mr. Endicott, " a Caucas
meeting.55

" Squire Endicott/5 asked Play fair, " what is
the meaning of the ' Caucas meeting/ which
you tell me is to assemble to-night at the
Mammoth Hotel?"

" A Caucas meeting, squire, is a perleminary/5
he replied. " Tis a meeting to learn and to
consider, before meeting for concluding"

" A very proper preliminary meeting, no doubt ;
pray tell me how it originated, and why call it a
Caucas meeting ?" asked Playfair.

M Why, squire/' he answered, " the name is,
I guess, somewhat like Yankee-doodle. You
old Englanders made the Y"ankee-doodle-doo-
song, sung it, and played it to turn New
Englanders into fun: but when the Bunker's
Hill battle was gained by the continentals, they
played Yankee-doodle-doodle-doo, turning the
Old Englanders into shame.55

" Now," continued Mr. Endicott, " it so hap-
pened to have failed out at Boston just before the
overboard tea chucking^* that a terrible row took

* Alluding to the cargoes of tea imported direct to Boston
by the East India Company, and which were thrown over-

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 289

place between the English soldiers and the
caulkers and ropers, and that a considerable
lot on 'em was wounded, and some killed.
Arterwards when the citizens of Boston held
meetings to consider what was best to be done,
the English governor and people in official
places, used to call them, to make fun and dis-
respect, i caulkers meetings,' which for shortness
were arterwards made into ■ caucas meetings.' "

On returning to Mammoth Hotel, the large
dining-saloon exhibited, in a short time, a very
different aspect from the gormandizing activity
of the dinner scene. Gravity dwelt among
the assembled multitude of all classes, and as
gravely did they proceed at once to the busi-
ness on which they met.

" I moves/' said Colonel Maple of the state

militia, keeper and owner of Timber Tavern,

owner, and occasionally skipper of the Bathsheba

clipper, proprietor of Maple^s Wharf, and

merchant, broker, banker, and shipwright,

Bangor. " I moves that General Frederick

Dockendorff sits in the chair."

board by the citizens dressed as Mohawks, to prevent revenue
being raised by the import duty on its consumption.

VOL. II. O

290 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

" I seconds that 'ere motion," said Squire
Timothy Hustis, managing director of Bangor
Bank.

No other person being proposed or seconded,
General Dockendorff, whose name indicated old
German ancestry, but whom the frequent inter-
marriages of his family had removed into some
twentieth relationship, at least, with " altes
Deutches blut," and who was proprietor, and his
wife the keeper of Mammoth Hotel, owner of
four river-scows, and of the brig Pretty Polly,
and also of the schooner named " Split the
Wind," and further of sundry farms, mill-privi-
leges, timber-booms, stores and wharfs, and
moreover general commanding- in-chief all the
State of Maine militia; he accordingly sat
in the chair, and spoke the first speech as fol-
lows:

" Citizens, we be assembled according to our
nown free act and will, not summoned to meet by
monarchy officials. In this state of freedom,
we've met to make manifestation of our //opinions
for consideration as to the fall elections ; first, as
to particulars for State of Maine elections for

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 291

governor, senators, and representatives. Second,
for general election for president.

u Citizens, for governor and members of both
houses there must in my consideration be one
whole-hog opinion for candidates — that, I cal-
culates, is to go whole hog for whole of disputed
territory, and in taking the census to add up all
Madawaska settlement to State of Maine popula-
tion ; then I consider if the hero of Tippecanoe,
that be'es General Harrison, goes whole hog for
disputed territory, then State of Maine will con-
clude on him for president.'5

General Dockendoff sat down, and Colonel
Maple stood up and spoke :

" Brother citizens, how mighty clever a speech
has the ginral speechified. It is all true as
the speeches of Paul before Agrippa and Festus.
Now here comes our Selection for this here
state. For governor I calculates we cannot do
better than consider of the ginral, — he is de-
mocrat, anti-United States Bank, anti-nullifier,
temperance member, and whole-hog- goer for
disputed territory.""

" I seconds that 'ere consideration," said Squire
o 2

292

BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

Timothy Hustis, without getting on his legs, —
Ci and I calculates that when the consideration
comes to the ballot, the conclusion will be
f hurra for Governor Dockendorff.' "

Major Mordecai Mint- Julep, of Bangor militia,
director of paper-dollar bank, and keeper of two
dram- stores, hereupon arose and addressed the
assembled H Caucasers."

" Brother Caucasers, I tally square with the
considerations of Colonel Maple and Squire
Hustis about the ginral being the smartest man
for governor. Here now comes the second
greatest consideration; — who calculates you upon
twenty senators ? — consider that, I beseech you
all, mighty clever. Suppose House of Represent-
atives, like House of Commons in old England,
pass good progressing laws. Then guess that
senate's house, nullify them 'ere laws, as Lords'
House, or as that 'ere Mr. Chisterfield the
letter-book writer called 'em, incurables' house,
does in old England, — guess that, fully, brother
Caucasers, — I guess 'twer more for particular
State of Maine interest, to nullify senate alto-
gether,— not quite, brother Caucasers, — no need

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 293

yet for that ; let us Select 'em healthy, and we
need not I guess hannilate them for being incu-
rable. I calculates that in this here state, we
have nations of smart men, fit for senators. I
guess too we have lots of not trustible ones.
I have first of all, 'tarnal small trust in lawyers,
— they promise all the world, as in old England,
afore they gits Selected, and do tarnation little
arter cept for theirselves. Second, I plaguy little
trust in Wistocrats, who when they makes more
'an a hundred thousand dollars, thin, fancying it
mighty universal purlite, leave the presbyterian
and unitarian chapels for 'piscopal church ;
— thirdly in all federalists, some good men 'mong
them too ; and lastly in all nullifyers of United
States Union. Now I considers it considerably
right not to Select to senate none of such folks ;
and not to Select for president, or governor, or
senate, or House of Representatives, any one but
what will go whole hog for whole of disputed
territory"

Major Mordecai Mint- Julep, sat down and
Squire Sampson Strong rose up. He was ex-
president of the former House of Assembly, and

294 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

following the respectable pursuit of agriculture,
as the most extensive and skilful farmer in the
state, he regarded his country's good the first of
all considerations.

" Brother citizens," said he, " the observa-
tions made by the major, anent the senate, apply
still stronger in regard to electing the 187 mem-
bers who are, or who at least ought to represent
you in the House of Representatives. I con-
sider if the last do not in their wisdom pass good,
but bad progressing laws ; and if the senate
should pass the latter, 'twould, I calculate, be
more calamitous than to nullify good laws. Con-
sider, therefore, gravely before you conclude.
There is good time lost in much speaking, but
not in considering well, and concluding better."

Squire Sampson Strong then sat down ; — and
lists of names, double the number to be elected
to represent the state during the next session of
the senate and House of Representatives, were then
distributed by the several persons who filled up
those lists, for the people to consider in due time
the respective merits of candidates, and of those
who were intended to be proposed.

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 295

The conduct of the president was then ap-
proved ; and to go the whole hog and to war, if
not to be had without war, for the whole of the
disputed territory was agreed to as the sine qua
non principle of voting.

Early next morning, Playfair was awakened
and informed that the wind was changing round
to the westward ; and he accordingly sailed
down the river in a boat, and embarked on board
the clipper, which immediately after, got under
way for Nova Scotia.

296 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

CHAPTER XXXV.

CROSSING THE BAY OF FUNDY.

The wind veered round sufficiently to enable
the clipper to stretch out into the Bay of Fundy,
between the myriads of rocky islands, which rise
abruptly in and at the mouth of Penobscott
Bay. They sailed along, clearing on the left
Mount Desert, once famous for a monastic
mission, destroyed by the puritans.

They had a rough sea in the Bay of Fundy :
the tides of which are so dangerous, and the
current of which was at this time at furious war
with the gale. Yet the clipper, close haul, with
all her fore and aft sails, and a foretopsail set,
dashed through the surges at the rate of six

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 297

knots an hour. Grand Manan, famous for
smugglers and its dangerous ledges, rose about
noon, in the direction of the vessel's lee-bow :
and the skipper seemed to think, unless the wind
shifted, that instead of making the harbour of
Yarmouth in Nova Scotia, he should be forced to
run for shelter into Machias.

The skipper was a sharp, active sailor, and
told Playfair that he was on board the steam-
boat which was burnt in 1836, on her passage
with the wild beasts, from St. John, New
Brunswick, to East Port in Maine. Of this
fatal disaster he gave the following account :

w We left St. John in the steam-boat, all
right and no mistake, I guess, with sixty pas-
sengers. One ^elephant, one kemale,* and a
lot of lions, tigers, panthers, laughing heehenas,f
bears, wolves, rattle- snakes, monkeys, and six
horses. All right, I guess, till within a few
miles of Eastport, at eight o'clock at night ; when,
terrible to find out, the steamer was on fire in the
hold all about the engines. Then there was no
mistake, as no #:rtinguishing the fire was pos-

* Query, Camel.— P. D. t Query, Hyenas.— P. D.

o3

298 BROTHER JONATHAN^ OR THE

sible. Oh ! squire, the very memory of that
terrible confusion, is frightsome and dreadful.
We had only two small boats which we lowered
down into the sea, the first thing; but they were
not roomy enough for twenty passengers. The
captain then sung out, ' Make a raft of the
beasts1 cages and spars, and chop loose the wild
beasts with the carpenter's axes.' So all hands
turned to, the lions roared, the wolves howled,
we let some of them loose, the great //elephant
was not in a cage for he was tied on deck, and
he got loose, so did the kemale — the flames broke
through the deck, the cages caught fire, many
wild beasts, and the rattle-snakes got free. Some
beasts which got loose, flew at the others and at
the passengers, wounding and biting ; the hele-
phant got mad and furious, trampling all under
its great pillars of feet. We were all, I guess,
in despair and confounded. We contrived to
make a small raft, some of us clung to it ; many
jumped overboard, first from fearing of the wild
beasts. The Aelephant walked overboard on
seeing us on the raft, and he would soon have
sinked us ; but when he got into the sea, he turned

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 299

back with his trunk up, looking for his keeper,
who was crying out, on the vessel. The keeper
then jumped overboard and was drowned, for he
could not get to the Aelephant, which was wait-
ing with his trunk up, to put the keeper on his
back, /^elephants are not, I guess, made for
swimming, no more nor kemales, so both were
soon drowned. The horses swimmed away, so
did some of the bears, and other wild beasts that
got liberty. The beasts that did not get free,
roared and howled most dreadful, as they were
being burned. Oh ! squire, it was terrific that
burning, and that drowning of Christian humans,
and savage beasts! I sometimes see it all in dreams,
and think myself hanging to the bit of raft,
tossed to and fro, and up and down in the sea —
and then seeing the boat pick us up the next
day, near the breakers off Grand Manan, that
high rocky island, that is jist now ahead on
us."

The disaster thus quaintly related, must have
been one of the most fearful that has ever oc-
curred, and more than two-thirds of the passen-
gers and crew perished. It is but too well

300 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THli

recorded, that fatal accidents happen fourfold,
at least, more frequently to American steam-
boats than to those of Europe, and those acci-
dents are usually caused by great negligence,
and by fires caused by the tobacco-smokers, and
also from the avarice of the owners, who use the
worst, and most cheaply constructed of high-
pressure engines. These accidents to American
steam-boats are usually attended with loss of life;
frequently more than half the crew and passen-
gers are killed or maimed.

As the clipper approached the southern ledges
of Grand Manan, the wind shifted to the north-
east, and the skipper putting his vessel on the
other tack, stretched across towards St. Mary's
Bay ; and, before the sun set, landed Playfair at
the long Acadian village of Clare, in Nova
Scotia,

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 301

CHAPTER XXXVL

THE ACADIANS.

Playfair was directed by the master of
the Clipper to a tavern, in the settlement :
but as he landed, he was met by several of
those hospitable and stationary inhabitants, the
Acadian s.

Invitations were poured in upon him. Each
was eager to invite him as a guest and he ac-
cepted the hospitality of a venerable old man,
whose countenance was the perfect representation
of benevolence and of every simple virtue of rural
life.

Playfair found that the Acadians of Clare,

302 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

differed but little from their ancestors, who were
living in the upper portion of Nova Scotia or
Acadia, at Chignecto and Minas, in 1^5 4 ; and
who were most cruelly treated, merely on the
ground that when they offered to swear allegiance
to the King of England, they would only do so
by reserving the right of not fighting against
their countrymen and relations in Canada, or
against the Indians, with whom they had
always lived on friendly terms, and who would
visit them with terrible retaliation, should
they now raise their arms against the abori-
ginals.

From being hunters at first, while the forest
and waters yielded abundant game, they settled
down in the most fertile part of the country,
and by raising dykes repelled the high tides
of the Basin of Minas, which overflowed the
vast natural meadows which abound in that
part.

Those rich lands yielded abundant crops of
wheat, oats, maize, barley, rye, and potatoes. On
the meadows they had sixty thousand head of
horned cattle, the land was tilled by oxen, yet

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 303

each family had two or three horses besides
sheep.

The settlement of Clare extends along the
coast of St. Mary's Bay, for about twenty miles
towards Yarmouth. It has a population of about
five thousand. The inhabitants, who are the
descendants of those ill-treated neutrals who were
banished from the province, but who at last
were permitted to return to a land dear to their
hearts from early associations. While in exile
they often visited Nova Scotia in small coasting-
vessels, which they built in New England, until
they were allowed to remove to this part of Nova
Scotia. Here, in this beautiful place, they have
settled and prospered. The lands are naturally
fertile, and the sea throws up after storms, abun-
dant sea- weed for manure.

Fish swarm in the Bays of Fundy and St.
Mary ; and although the Acadians chiefly fol-
low agriculture and grazing, they are occasionally
fishermen. They carry in their small vessel the
overplus produce of the soil and fishing, across
the Bay of Fundy, to exchange for other articles
at St. John's. They are a stationary, unambitious,

304 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

happy people, the extreme opposites in cha-
racter to the go-ahead Yankees. They retain
the customs, language, and religion, of their an-
cestors, and seem to have nothing to wish for ;
while they probably enjoy as much happiness as
human nature admits.

They have their own curates ; and never did a
people owe more than they have to a pastor who
has lived more than thirty years among them,
as father, priest, and adviser.#

* " Here, at Clare lives, and here has resided for about
thirty years, a man, whom the demon of revolution drove
from France. In that country he was born, and there did he
receive that education, and acquire those manners, which, by
being superinduced on a pure heart and sound head, consti-
tute t'ie amiable and venerable Abbe Segoigne. This excel-
lent curate is the priest, the comforter, the lawyer, and judge
of all the Acadians of Clare and Tusket. As their lawyer, or
rather notary, he keeps their records, writes their deeds,
notes, and contracts j while his opinion as their judge, and
his advice as their priest and father, convince his flock of the
evils of litigation, from which they are taught to fly as from
pestilence. Woe be to the lawyers of Nova Scotia, if each
settlement in'the province had an Abbe Segoigne for its pastor,
and inhabitants that respected his advice.

Since M. Segoigne retired to this peaceable and secluded
settlement, he has only been once at Halifax, and only two or
three times at the adjoining town of Digby. The urbanity of
manner, and the polish which distinguished the gentleman of

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 305

Their houses, built chiefly of wood, were con-
venient, and furnished as neatly as a substantial
farmhouse in England. They bred poultry of
all kinds, for variety in their food, which was
generally wholesome and abundant. Their drink

the old French school, are truly those of the Abbe, yet for
him the world has no allurement to fascinate his thoughts
from the calm, pious, cheerful, and useful life, which has
diffused so much happiness among the Acadians.

All the changes, politics, and vexations of the world, are
unknown to him ; and he has probably no further connexion
out of Clare and Tusket with his own church, than an occa-
sional letter from the Catholic Bishop of Quebec or Halifax.
He speaks the Indian language fluently ; and the Micmacs re-
gard him with the utmost veneration. The greatest part of
his flock have been born, or have grown up, under him, while
he has been among them ; and a few are accompanying him
in the decline of his well-spent life. To him, with reverence
and love, all look up for comfort in their afflictions, for ad-
vice in their mutual difficulties, and for the settlement of
their little disputes.

One of those tremendous fires which make such ravages in
America, nearly destroyed the district of Clare, in 1823. The
chapel, and most of the houses and corn-fields were con-
sumed ; and M. Segoigne had one of his hands severely burnt,
while pushing through the tire to save the boxes which con-
tained the land-title9, and other records of the inhabitants.
This, calamity was inevitably the cause ,of much distress and
poverty, which the Acadians have since completely overcome.
— -Macgregor's British America,

306 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

was generally beer and cider, to which they occa-
sionally added rum.

Their clothing was usually made of the flax and
hemp they raised, or of the fleeces of their sheep ;
which they spun and wove into common linens
and coarse cloths ; articles of luxury, which they
purchased at Annapolis or Louisburg, in ex-
change for grain, cattle, and poultry.

Each family was able, and accustomed to pro-
vide for all its own wants. They knew nothing
of the paper currency, which was so common and
ruinous in other parts of America.

In their manners they were consequently simple.
No cause, civil or criminal, occurred of sufficient
importance to be tried before the tribunal at
Annapolis. Whatever differences arose among
them, were amicably decided by their own elders.
Their public acts were drawn up by their curates,
who also kept their records and wills. For
these civil and religious services, were cheer-
fully given the twenieth part of the grain
crops.

Their harvests were not only sufficiently

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 307

abundant to support the inhabitants, but yield-
ed enough for acts of liberality and charity.
To the Acadians real misery was unknown,
and voluntary benevolence met all the demands
for charitable contribution. Misfortunes were
relieved without ostentation. The Acadians
were, in truth, a society of brethren, each of
whom was equally willing to give, and to receive,
what he considered the natural right of a chris-
tian people.

" The perfect harmony," says the Abbe Ray-
nal, " which prevailed among the neutral French
naturally prevented all those connexions of gal-
lantry which are so often fatal to the peace of
families. There never was an instance in this
society of an unlawful commerce between the
two sexes. This evil was prevented by early
marriages ; for no one passed his youth in a state
of celibacy. As soon as a young man came to
the proper age, the community built him a house,
broke up the lands about it, sowed them, and
supplied him with all the necessaries of life for
a twelvemonth. Here he received the partner
whom he had chosen, and who brought him her

508 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

portion of flocks. This family grew up and
prospered like the others. They altogether
amounted to eighteen thousand souls.

" Who will not be affected with the innocent
manners and the tranquillity of this fortunate
colony ? Who will not wish for the duration of
its happiness ? Who will not construct in ima-
gination an impenetrable wall that may separate
these colonists from their unjust and turbulent
neighbours ? The calamities of the people have
no period ; but, on the contrary, the end of their
felicity is always at hand. A long series of
favourable events is necessary to raise them from
misery, while one instant is sufficient to plunge
them into it. May the Acadians be exempted
from this general curse ! But, alas ! it is to be
feared they will not."

The fears of the Abbe were realize J. The
puritanical spirit of the New England colonist
would allow no tolerance to catholics. The
Acadians were summoned during peace to ap-
pear before a British colonel at Grand Pre,
where about four hundred who assembled were,
without previous intimation, shut up as prisoners

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 309

m a church, and all their cattle and lands de-
clared to be forfeited. Their villages and plant-
ations and houses were then all burnt, and the
inhabitants, left houseless and plundered of all
their property, were obliged to fly to the woods
or surrender at discretion. Of twenty thousand,
seven to eight thousand submitted, and were
transported to and dispersed in the southern
colonies. Some found their way to France;
and those whom poverty, fevers, and other dis-
eases did not carry off in the south, returned
after a painful and long exile to Nova Scotia.

Such were the ancestors of those among whom
Playfair found himself, partaking of the hospi-
tality of a people whom he visited from a report
of the extraordinary contrast which they exhibited
to the Americans of the United States.

Besides these Acadians who have retained the
amiable qualities and virtues of their ancestors,
there are other settlements of them in Cape
Breton, Prince Edward Island, and New Bruns-
wick, always in villages inhabited only by them.

They still continue averse to settle among
other races, and love to cluster as nearly as they

310 BROTHER JONATHAN, OR THE

can to, and not, if possible, farther from than
within the hearing of, the bell of their church.
Professing the catholic religion, they rigidly
adhere to its forms, and especially on Sundays,
there is a decorous simplicity of dress and man-
ner in the appearance of young and old exceed-
ingly interesting in this age of incessant change.

The habits and costumes of their French ances-
tors they retain with religious tenacity. The
women wear neat calico caps, and sometimes a
coif or kerchief over the head : while some
wear high stiff caps of white muslin, worsted, or
calico jerkins; short thickly-plated petticoats of
cotton or wool, broadly striped blue, red, and
white ; blue stockings ; often wooden sabots, and
on Sundays shoes; and a short blue cloth cloak
over the shoulders and fastened at the breast
with a large bright metal brooch.

The men wear jackets thickly studded with
brass buttons ; scarlet or blue waistcoats ; blue or
gray trousers ; boots, shoes, or mocassins ; round
hats, or the bonnets rouge or gris. They marry
very young, and several couples, sometimes,
during winter, as many as twenty on the same

SMARTEST NATION IN ALL CREATION. 311

day, by the same priest in the same village-
church and at the same house.

They are affectionate parents, and a husband
will scarcely ever conclude any affair without
first consulting his wife. They are remarkably
chaste, and among them one child in a thousand
is not born out of wedlock. They assemble
together in groups for the mere pleasure of talk-
ing. Dancing, fiddling, and feasting at Christ-
mas and before Lent, playing at drafts, and shoot-
ing are their chief amusements.

PI ay fair, grateful for their kindness, bade this
interesting people adieu, hired horses and pro-
ceeded by way of Annapolis to Halifax.

END OF VOL. II.

TtHITINO, BSAUFOBT HOUSE, BTRAN*.

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