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Stories  and 
Speeches  of 


William  O.  Bradley 


with 

Biographical  Sketch 

By  M.  H.  Thatcher 


TRANSYLVANIA  PRINTING  COMPANY. 

PUBLISHERS 

LEXINGTON,  KENTUCKY. 

1916 


Copyright,  1916. 
—by- 
Transylvania   Printing   Company 
(Incorporated)  , 
Lexington,  Kentucky. 


If 

DEC -I  iSI6^' 


©CI.A4  459G4 


W 


PUBLISHERS'  PREFACE 


In  publishing  this  volume  of  "Stories  and  Speeches"  of  Senator 
William  O.  Bradley,  we  desire  to  extend  thanks  to  Hon.  M.  H. 
Thatcher,  former  Governor  of  the  Canal  Zone,  and  the  intimate  friend 
of  the  Senator,  for  the  biographical  sketch  herewith  included,  as  well 
as  for  his  compilation  of  the  speeches  of  Senator  Bradley  herewith 
published,  and  for  suggesting  their  inclusion;  also,  for  other  very 
valuable  work  rendered  in  relation  to  this  undertaking  and  in 
reading  and  revising  the  proofs.  We  also  desire  to  extend  thanks  to 
Mr.  Arthur  B.  Krock,  of  the  Louisville  Courier- Journal  for  valuable 
services  rendered  by  him  to  Senator  Bradley,  shortly  before  the  latter's 
death,  in  helping  to  put  the  stories  in  shape  for  publication.  In  these 
thanks  the  members  of  the  Senator's  family  most  earnestly  join. 

The  members  of  the  Senator's  family  have  felt  some  diffidence  in 
permitting  the  publication  of  these  stories  for  the  reason  that,  with 
characteristic  Bradley  candor,  the  real  names  of  the  actors  are 
called,  and  the  stories  are  told  without  reservations;  and  there  has 
been  expressed  the  fear  that  the  feelings  of  some  of  the  relatives 
and  descendants  of  some  of  those  who  figure  in  these  portrayals  might 
be  wounded.  We  believe,  however,  that  this  will  not  be  the  case.  Some 
of  the  ancestors  and  kinsmen  of  the  chief  officers  of  the  publishing 
company  are  so  nam.ed  herein,  but  we  know  that  Senator  Bradley  loved 
these  men— and,  in  fact,  loved  all  the  sturdy  Kentuckians  about  whom 
these  stories  and  reminiscences  cluster— and  what  is  herein  portrayed, 
though  true  to  life,  is  portrayed  in  the  spirit  of  love  and  humor,  and 
never  otherwise.  Hence,  we  do  not  believe  any  umbrage  can  be  taken 
on  this  score.  Moreover,  we  believe  that  the  frankness  with  which 
the  stories  are  told  will  greatly  add  to  their  value.  For  the  most  part 
they  refer  to  Kentucky's  yesterday,  when  the  weaknesses  and  dissipa- 
tions of  men  were  more  open  than  now,  and  when  candor— always  a 
Kentucky  characteristic— went  far  to  redeem  those  faults  which  grew 
up  chiefly  from  the  spirit  of  good  fellowship.  All  this  Senator  Bradley 
knew  and  appreciated,  and  as  he  lived  through  that  day  as  one  of  its 
strongest  characters,  these  stories  of  his  observation  and  experience 
became  part  and  parcel  of  his  life,  and  were  ever  retained  in  his 
wonderful  memory.  It  was  natural,  therefore,  that  with  his  remark- 
able story-telling  gifts,  and  with  his  recollection  of  all  these  humorous 
incidents,  he  should  desire  to  record  and  preserve  them.  It  had  been 
his  hope  to  see  the  collection  in  print  during  his  life-time,  but  the 


IV  The  Publishers'  Preface. 

constant  exactions  of  public  duty  delayed  the  completion  of  the  work, 
and  the  hope  was  denied  him.  The  publication  is  now  being  made  in 
accordance  with  his  wishes. 

Confident  that  the  collection  of  stories  and  speeches  of  so  notable 
a  man  as  William  O.  Bradley  will  be  widely  read  and  appreciated,  and 
that  it  shall  prove  a  unique,  most  valuable,  and  popular  contribution  to 
the  literature  of  the  day,  and  of  the  days  to  come,  we  submit  same  to 
the  reading  public. 

THE  PUBLISHERS. 

Lexington,  Kentucky,  November,  1916. 


William  O.  Bradley 

O  wondrous  man  of  magic,  golden  tongue, 

Who,  looking  ever  sunward,  didst  uprise 

And  pierce  the  glory  of  our  civic  skies, — 
How  shall  the  story  of  thy  life  be  sung 
To  keep  thine  honored  name  forever  young? 

How  shall  we  term  that  dauntless  enterprise 

Which,  in  Mischance,  finds  Fortune's  skilled  disguise, 
And  gains  and  holds  the  ladder's  highest  rung? 

No  song  thou  need'st :  thy  deeds  have  wrought  thy  fame 
And  launched  it  on  its  journey  through  the  years ; 

Death  only  raised  and  glorified  thy  name, — 
Thine  youth  eterne  began  amidst  our  tears. 

By  gifts  divine  the  heights  thou  didst  ascend, 

And  Time  shall  know  and  claim  thee  to  the  end. 

The  writer  has  been  asked  to  prepare  a  sketch  of  the  life  and 
labors  of  William  O.  Bradley,  to  be  published  with  this  volume  of  his 
stories  and  speeches.  While  deeply  appreciative  of  this  honor,  and 
while  the  work  is  one  of  love,  the  writer  is,  nevertheless,  very 
diffident  in  undertaking  it.  Senator  Bradley  was  made  up  of  such 
strong  and  unusual  elements  that  only  the  pen  of  a  Plutarch  could  do 
him  justice.  It  goes  without  saying,  however,  that  the  poor,  unaided 
boy  who  could  mount  to  the  high  estate  of  eminent  lawyer,  orator, 
successful  political  leader,  Governor  and  United  States  Senator,  in  the 
face  of  the  heaviest  and  most  adverse  political  odds,  was  no  ordinary 
character. 

There  is  nothing  more  fascinating  than  the  study  of  biography ; 
nothing  more  interesting  than  to  upward  trace  the  career  of  great- 
souled  men  and  women  who  have  struggled  from  the  valleys  to  the 
summits.  The  great  personages  of  history  are  the  stars  which  up-light 
the  night  of  the  past ;  and  they  serve  the  necessary  purpose  of  guiding 
the  present  and  future  generations  along  the  paths  of  worthy  endeavor. 
Extinguish  these  lights,  eliminate  all  history  of  these  men  and  women, 
and  the  world  would  be  immediately  plunged  into  darkness  and 
despair.  Character  has  been  variously  defined,  but  there  is  certainly 
one  element  which  enters  into  its  composition  which  is  its  surest 
proof.  It  is  the  element  of  endurance ;  it  is  strength,  force ;  and, 
having  strength  and  force,  it  possesses  the  eternal  quality.    It  is  the 


VI  Biographical  Sketch  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

law  of  effort  that  those  who,  on  this  plane  of  struggle,  strenuously 
strive  for  right  or  for  wrong,  shall  live  long  after  they  have  ceased 
to  labor;  and  if  their  labors  have  been  for  the  right  they  shall  be 
loved  and  revered  as  long  as  the  flower  of  gratitude  blooms  in  the 
human  heart.  What  man  has  done,  man  may  do  again.  The  noblest 
inspiration  must  come  from  the  contemplation  of  the  heroic  deeds  of 
our  fellow  beings ;  and  it  is  of  the  highest  importance  that  the  lives  of 
those  who  have  driven  the  chariots  of  progress  be  faithfully  portrayed 
to  the  multitude  to  the  end  that  the  multitude  may  be  informed  and 
inspired.  Each  nation  has  its  history,  its  heroes,  and  its  historical 
characters.  A  few  there  are,  like  Shakespeare  and  Goethe  and  the 
prophets  of  old,  who  are  universal  in  their  influence.  They  were  not 
of  a  single  country,  but  were  of  all  the  race ;  and  because  they  spoke 
fundamentally  to  our  human  sympathy  and  need,  by  all  are  they 
understood.  Then,  there  are  others,  like  Washington  and  Lincoln, 
who  though  identified  with  great  movements,  national  and  local  in 
their  immediate  scope,  yet  spoke  and  wrought  mightily  for  the 
principles  of  liberty  and  justice,  and  pointed  the  way  to  those  ultimate 
conditions  of  liberty  and  justice,  which,  in  the  course  of  ages,  the  race 
hopes  to  reach.  These,  too,  with  the  unfolding  of  time,  shall  make 
their  universal  appeal.  These,  too,  v/ere,  and  are,  the  brothers  of  all 
mankind ;  and  all  mankind  shall  come  to  recognize  them  as  such. 

The  skill  of  the  biographer  depends  on  at  least  three  essentials, 
viz. :  First,  a  sufficient  statement  of  details  of  the  subject's  life  and 
labors  to  properly  set  forth  his  character  and  achievements ;  second, 
the  proper  deduction  from  these  facts  and  their  just  interpretation ; 
and,  third,  the  ability  to  present  all  in  such  a  way  as  to  fix  and  hold 
the  attention  of  the  reader. 

The  present  sketch,  however,  is  not  ambitious.  Moreover, 
in  this  volume  there  is  not  room  for  an  extended  narrative.  Only  the 
more  essential  facts  of  Senator  Bradley's  life,  together  with  some 
general  comment  and  deduction,  can  be  given ;  and  these  follow. 

William  O'Connell  Bradley  was  born  in  Garrard  County,  Ken- 
tucky, near  Lancaster,  on  March  i8,  1847,  ^"^  died  in  Washington, 
D,  C.,  on  May  23,  1914.  He  was  of  Scotch-Irish  descent.  His  father 
was  Robert  M.  Bradley,  and  his  mother  was  Ellen  (Totten)  Bradley. 
The  mother  was  a  woman  of  fine  intelligence  and  capacity.  Under  the 
general  law  of  maternal  transmission  this  could  not  have  been  other- 
wise; for  it  seems  to  be  pretty  well  conceded  that  weak  fathers  may 
sometimes  have  strong  sons,  but  strong  sons,  rarely,  if  ever,  are  the 
children  of  weak  mothers.  But  so  far  as  strength  of  character  and 
unusual  intelligence  were  concerned.  Senator  Bradley  was  fortunate  as 


Biographical  Sketch  of  William  0.  Bradley.  VII 

to  both  father  and  mother.     The  father  was  a  man  of  great  force, 
intellect,  and  gifts  of  speech ;  and  though  aUogether  "self-made,"  was 
one  of  the  strongest  men  Kentucky  has  produced.    He  was  the  son  of 
Isaac  Bradley,  a  sturdy  character  who  had  come  to  Kentucky  from 
Virginia  in  the  earlier  days,  and  his  wife,  the  mother  of  R.  M.  Bradley, 
was  Miss  Rachel  Bretner,  a  Kentucky  woman  noted  for  her  beauty. 
During  the  period  of  his  practice,  R.  M.  Bradley  was  considered  the 
leading  lawyer  in  matters  of  land  title  in  the  State  of  Kentucky. 
Though  eminently  successful  as  a  lawyer  he  was  a  whole-souled,  gen- 
erous man;  and,  starting  in  life  poor,  and  having  a  large  family  to 
support,  he  never  accumulated  fortune.     Hence,  young  Bradley,  the 
only  son,  received  from  his  father  no  wealth,  nor  any  of  the  aids 
which  wealth  can  give ;  but  he  received  a  richer  legacy  in  the  gifts  of 
intellect  and  speech  which  descended  to  him.    He  was  educated  in  the 
local  schools,  and  never  attended  college.     In  fact,  in  all  essential 
matters  he  was  also  a  "self-made"  man.    When  he  was  fourteen  years 
of  age,  at  the  outbreak  of  the  Civil  War,  fired  with  patriotic  zeal,  he 
left  school  and  twice  ran  away  from  home,  joining  the  Union  Army 
each  time ;  but,  on  account  of  his  extreme  youthfulness,  he  was  taken 
by  his  father  from  the  Army  and  brought  home.     In  1861  he  was  a 
page  in  the  Lower  House  of  the  Kentucky  Legislature.    Here,  he  was 
seized  with  the  ambition  for  a  public  career.     When  only  eighteen 
years  of  age,  because  of  his  unusual  precocity,  knowledge  of  the  law, 
and  forensic  ability,  a  special  Act  of  the  Kentucky  Legislature  Vv^as 
passed,  granting  him  license  to  practice  law  upon  the  condition  that  he 
be  found  competent  by  two  circuit  judges  of  the  State;  with  the 
result  that  he  was  found  thus  competent,     and     was     immediately 
licensed.    He  at  once  entered  upon  the  practice  of  his  profession,  and 
straightway  gained  prominence  as  a  lawyer ;  and,  within  a  short  time, 
he  was,  both  in  popular  estimation  and  in  fact,  one  of  the  leaders  of 
the  bar  in  Kentucky.     In  the  course  of  his  long  practice  he  appeared 
in  the  State  and  Federal  Courts  of  Kentucky,  as  well  as  in  the  Federal 
Courts  of  other  States,  and  in  the  Supreme  Court  of  the  United  States. 
In  addition  to  William  O.  Bradley  the  children  of  the  Bradley 
household  were  as  follows:  Mary  E.  Bradley,  v/ho  married  S.  H. 
Newell ;  Emily  Frances  Bradley,  who  died  in  infancy ;  Almira  Pierce 
Bradley,  who  married  C.  B.  Bacheller ;  Margaret  Ellen  Bradley,  who 
married  Dr.  W.  F.  Scott;  Catherine  Virginia  Bradley,  who  married 
Colonel  Thomas  Z.  Morrow  (parents  of  Edwin  P.  Morrow)  ;  James 
Bradley,  who  died  in  infancy;  Maria  Josephine  Bradley,  who  was 
twice  married,  first  to  Captain  F.  M.  Wolford,  and  next  to  Dr.  Nelson 
Mays. 


VIII  Biographical  Sketch  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

In  1867  Mr.  Bradley  married  Miss  Margaret  Robertson  Duncan, 
of  Lancaster,  Kentucky,  and  of  this  union  two  children  were  born,  a 
son,  George  Robertson  Bradley,  who  died  about  the  age  of  twenty- 
four,  and  a  daughter,  Christine,  now  the  wife  of  Dr.  John  G.  South,  of 
Frankfort,  Kentucky.  The  wife  and  daughter  survive  the  Senator 
and  reside  at  Frankfort.  In  this  connection,  we  might  say,  no  father 
ever  more  completely  idolized  his  children  than  did  he,  and  the  death 
of  his  son  in  the  pride  and  vigor  of  young  manhood  with  the  prospect 
of  distinction  before  him,  was  a  severe  blow  for  the  father,  from  the 
sorrow  of  which  he  never  fully  recovered ;  though,  if  that  were 
possible,  after  the  son's  death,  to  the  close  of  his  own  life,  he  lavished 
an  even  greater  affection  upon  the  daughter. 

In  1870  he  was  elected  County  Attorney  of  Garrard  county,  and 
was  the  Republican  candidate  for  Congress  for  the  district  wherein 
Garrard  county  was  located,  in  1872  and  1876.  The  district  was  over- 
whelmingly Democratic,  and  he,  of  course,  failed  of  election;  but  his 
races  were  noteworthy  and  attracted  the  attention  of  the,  entire 
country. 

He  was  unanimously  elected  delegate  from  the  State-at-large 
for  Kentucky  to  seven  Republican  National  Conventions,  and  was 
three  times  elected  chairman  of  the  Kentucky  delegation  in  National 
conventions.  He  was  also  thrice  elected  a  member  of  the  Republican 
National  Committee.  At  the  famous  Republican  National  Convention 
of  1880,  he  was  one  of  the  immortal  three  hundred  and  six  who  voted 
for  General  Grant  for  the  Presidential  nomination,  and  greatly  distin- 
guished himself  in  seconding  the  nomination  of  Grant,  delivering  a 
speech  that  is  unsurpassed  in  convention  oratory.  He  was  chosen  by 
President  Arthur  to  institute  suits  against  the  star-route  fraud  con- 
tractors, but  declined  the  appointment. 

In  1884  he  succeeded  in  defeating  the  motion  to  curtail  Southern 
representation  in  Republican  National  Conventions.  In  1887  he  made 
the  race  as  Republican  candidate  for  Governor  of  Kentucky,  and 
reduced  the  normal  Democratic  majority  of  47,000  of  the  previous 
year  to  less  than  17,000,  his  opponent  being  Gen.  Simon  Bolivar 
Buckner,  the  old  Confederate  'Svar  horse." 

In  1888,  at  the  Republican  National  Convention,  he  received  105 
votes  for  the  Vice-Presidential  nomination.  In  1889  President  Harri- 
son appointed  him  Minister  to  Korea,  but  he  declined  the  honor.  In 
1895  he  was  again  the  unanimous  nominee  of  the  Republican  party  for 
Governor,  and  after  a  remarkable  campaign  he  was  elected  by  a 
plurality  of  8,912  votes;  and  the  entire  Republican  State  ticket  was 


Biographical  Sketch  of   William  0.  Bradley.  IX 

elected  with  him.     This  was  the  first  time  that  Kentucky  ever  went 
RepubHcan. 

In  1896  he  was  indorsed  for  President  by  the  Kentucky  State 
Republican  Convention. 

In  1904  he  seconded  the  nomination  of  Roosevelt  for  President, 
again  making  a  distinguished  contribution  to  convention  oratory. 

Four  times  prior  to  1908  he  was  his  party's  nominee  for  United 
States  Senator.  In  1908  he  was  the  unanimous  nominee  of  his  party 
for  United  States  Senator,  as  determined  by  legislative  caucus;  and, 
in  February,  1908,  after  a  memorable  fight,  he  was  elected  Senator, 
although  the  General  Assembly  was  Democratic  on  joint  ballot  by  a 
majority  of  eight  votes. 

After  his  election  as  Governor  he  received  the  degree  of  LL.  D. 
from  Kentucky  University, 

In  addition  to  his  convention  speeches  already  mentioned,  he 
delivered  addresses  and  orations  on  many  notable  occasions;  among 
them  being  the  dedicatory  address  at  the  Kentucky  Building  at  the 
Columbian  Exposition  (World's  Fair)  at  Chicago,  in  1893 ;  the 
address  at  the  unveiling  and  dedication  of  the  Jefferson  statue  in 
Louisville  in  1902;  the  address  at  the  dedication  of  the  Kentucky 
monument  at  Chickamauga  Park  in  1898;  the  address  at  the  launching 
of  the  battleship  "Kentucky"  in  1898;  and  the  oration  at  the  dedica- 
tion of  the  new  capitol  building  at  Frankfort,  Kentucky,  in  1910. 

In  his  many  campaigns  in  Kentucky,  Senator  Bradley  came  to 
know  its  people  almost  as  well  as  he  knew  the  people  of  his  home 
county,  Garrard.  His  political  adversaries  join  in  the  statement  that, 
on  the  stump,  he  was  v/ithout  a  rival.  He  never  forgot  a  name  or  face, 
nor  any  circumstance  or  transaction  which  signalized  any  meeting 
with  any  person,  and  this  great  faculty  was  of  inestimable  benefit  to 
him,  and  served  to  increase  his  wonderful  power  with  the  people.  He 
knew  all  by  their  first  names,  or  nicknames,  and  thousands  of  the 
humblest  voters  in  the  most  remote  sections  of  the  State  felt  that  they 
knew  him  as  intimately  and  as  sympathetically  as  if  he  had  been  their 
closest  and  most  generous  neighbor  all  their  lives.  He  was 
affectionately  known  to  thousands  of  his  followers  and  admirers  as 
"Billy  O.  B.,"  and  throughout  his  life  he  wore  a  white  Alpine  hat, 
which  came  to  be  known  far  and  wide  as  the  "Bradley  hat."  Like  the 
v/hite  plume  of  Navarre  wherever  it  moved  there  was  leadership  and 
battle. 

Kentucky  with  its  wealth  of  history,  tradition  and  sentiment; 
with  its  wonderful  beauty  of  mountain,  "Blue-grass"  and  "Pennyrile ;" 
with  its  fine,  pure  strains  of  blood  throughout  its  borders — has  always 


X  Biographical  Sketch  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

been,  and  is  today,  a  land  of  orators.  They  have  glorified,  and  yet 
glorify,  the  pulpit,  the  bar,  and  the  hustings,  and  this  without  regard 
to  creed,  section,  or  political  party,  and  one  of  the  greatest  of  all  these 
was  William  O.  Bradley. 

Not  only  was  Senator  Bradley  an  orator  of  unusual  power,  but  he 
was,  also,  in  the  best  sense  of  the  term,  a  fighter.  He  seemed  to  love 
battle,  and  never  hesitated  to  accept  it  when  offered ;  and  in  any 
cause  he  undertook  was  always  on  the  aggressive,  never  on  the 
defensive.  Yet  he  was  in  no  wise  contentious.  He  believed  this  to  be 
a  world  of  struggle ;  and  while  he  did  not  seek  conflict,  he  regarded  a 
certain  amount  of  it  as  necessarily  attendant  upon  the  efforts  of  any 
one  who  sought  to  accomplish  anything;  and  he  believed,  moreover, 
that  a  certain  amount  of  conflict,  fairly  waged,  gave  the  temper  and 
strength  to  character  which  nothing  else  could  give.  He  believed 
that  achievement  was  the  great  joy-giver.  It  was  inevitable  that  some 
political  enemies  should  be  raiWd  up  against  him ;  but  even  these  paid 
tribute  to  his  remarkable  powers  of  eloquence,  to  his  political  sagacity 
and  leadership,  to  his  splendid  fighting  qualities,  to  his  unmatched 
loyalty  to  friends,  to  his  love  of  State  and  Nation,  and  to  his  openness 
and  candor.  In  this  connection  it  may  truly  be  said  of  him — in  fact, 
he  said  this  of  himself — that  he  never  turned  his  back  on  friend  or  foe, 
for  he  loved  the  one,  and  feared  not  the  other.  Yet,  though  he  was  a 
man  of  strong  emotions,  feeling  most  keenly  any  injustice  done  him, 
and  was  accounted  a  good  "hater,"  he  had  the  capacity  for  forgive- 
ness, and  often  surprised  both  friends  and  foes  by  forgiving  those 
he  believed  had  done  him  grave  injury,  and  supporting  them  for  office 
or  appointment.  In  fact,  he  was  too  good  a  political  general  not  to 
know  that  there  were  times  when,  to  the  success  of  a  party  or  of  a 
cause,  these  must  be  subordinated  every  personal  consideration  or 
sentiment. 

Now,  while  this  is  intended  to  be  a  nonpartisan  sketch,  it  is  indis- 
pensable that  some  fuller  reference  be  made  to  Senator  Bradley's 
political  career,  and  to  his  relationship  to  the  party  of  which  he  was  so 
long  the  leader  in  his  greatly  beloved  State.  The  greater  portion  of 
his  life  was  passed  in  intense  political  activity.  He  loved  the  political 
game.  He  was  a  boy  when  the  Civil  War  broke  upon  the  country,  and 
his  youthful  imagination  was  inspired  by  love  of  country;  and  thus 
resulted  his  efforts  to  join  the  Union  Army.  During  the  stirring 
period  of  the  war,  Kentucky,  as  a  border  State,  while  loyal  to  the 
Union  Government,  nevertheless  furnished  thousands  of  soldiers  to 
both  armies.  The  State  was  torn  with  dissension  and  fratricidal  strife. 
Young   Bradley,   keen   of   mind,   precocious,    restless,    fearless,    and 


Biographical  Sketch  of  William  O.  Bradley.  XI 

ambitious,  formed  his  own  views  upon  the  important  issues,  and  it 
was  but  natural  that,  with  his  remarkable  powers  of  speech  and  leader- 
ship, he  should  plunge  headlong  into  the  political  sea ;  and  that,  in  one 
way  or  another,  he  should  remain  there  until  the  day  of  his  death. 

A  number  of  times  during  his  long  career,  he  forswore  politics, 
but  without  avail.  He  as  inevitably  went  back  into  the  game  as  the 
duck  goes  into  the  water.  With  his  gifts  any  other  course  was 
impossible.  No  one  could  take  his  place,  and  the  call  of  friends  and 
party — not  to  speak  of  the  call  of  his  own  nature — was  too  strong 
for  him  to  resist. 

For  more  than  forty  years  he  was  on  the  firing  line,  fighting  the 
battles  of  the  Republican  party,  and  was  the  party's  chieftain  during 
the  most  of  this  period.  His  leadership,  which  lasted  until  his  death, 
for  length  and  effectiveness,  stands  unrivalled  in  Kentucky  since  the 
days-  of  Clay,  No  man,  in  fact,  has  ever  had  in  the  State  so  large  and 
loyal  a  following  as  had  he ;  and  it  was  made  up,  not  only  of  the  rank 
and  file  of  his  own  party,  but,  as  well,  of  thousands  of  others  who  held 
opposing  political  convictions.  Though  others  of  fine  ability  gave 
effective,  co-operation,  the  fact  that  Kentucky  has  several  times 
elected  Republican  Governors  and  United  States  Senators  is  chiefly 
due  to  his  splendid  energy,  eloquence,  and  leadership.  He  was 
the  father  of  the  Republican  party  in  Kentucky;  the  party's  most 
ardent  champion,  its  most  effective,  most  trusted,  and  best 
loved  leader  in  the  South.  He  bore  aloft  the  party's  banner  during 
the  dark  days  following  the  close  of  the  Civil  War,  Vvdien  to  be  a 
Republican  in  the  South  meant  proscription  and  persecution.  During 
his  long  period  of  leadership  he  fought  the  battles  of  the  Republican 
party  with  dauntless  zeal  and  courage,  and  with  unrivalled  skill.  For 
more  than  a  generation,  in  every  important  campaign,  his  voice  was 
heard  in  behalf  of  its  principles  throughout  the  length  and 
breadth  of  Kentucky ;  and,  also,  in  other  States,  for  he  was 
ever  in  demand.  His  speech  and  personality  were  always  worth 
thousands  of  votes  to  his  cause.  He  was  the  party's  master  figure  in 
State  conventions  of  Kentucky  throughout  the  period  of  his  active 
political  career,  and  he  had  the  power  to  thrill  and  inspire  them  at  will. 
Likewise,  he  was  also  a  commanding  power  in  the  National  Conven- 
tions of  his  party,  and  in  them  he  v/as  not  only  influential  from  the 
nation-wide  standpoint,  but  was,  moreover,  the  special  and  successful 
spokesman  of  the  party  in  the  South.  Wherever  he  moved  he  raised 
up  Republican  majorities.  It  was  given  him  to  see  his  planting  and 
sowing  in  the  political  field  grow  unto  golden  harvest.  In  Kentucky 
he  saw  his  party,  under  his  leadership,  grow  from  an  inconsequential 


XII  Biographical  Sketch  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

and  despised  minority  to  a  powerful,  effective  political  organization, 
winning  battle  after  battle,  and  achieving  triumph  after  triumph. 

As  Governor  of  Kentucky  he  was  a  splendid  executive.  He  gave 
to  the  State  one  of  the  best  and  most  economical  administrations  it  has 
ever  known.  He  was  sternly  opposed  to  mob  law,  dealt  with  it  firmly 
and  skillfully,  and  his  utterances  on  the  subject  are  among  the  finest, 
most  effective  the  country  has  known.  His  strong  nature,  powerful 
convictions,  firm  courage,  wide  experience,  and  thorough  knowledge  of 
human  nature,  splendidly  fitted  him  for  executive  achievements. 

The  negroes  were  his  absolute  and  devoted  friends.  He  never 
played  the  demagogue  with  them,  but  always  spoke  to  them  with 
perfect  candor  and  helpfulness.  He  always  had  the  courage  to  give 
the  negro  a  square  deal  and  to  defend  him  in  his  legitimate  rights 
whenever  and  however  assailed.  An  example  of  this  was  his  pardon, 
while  Governor,  of  the  Simpson  county  negro.  Dinning,  whose  indict- 
ment grew  out  of  his  defense  of  his  home  from  the  attack  of  a  white 
mob.  The  negroes  never  had  a  better  friend  than  William  O.  Bradley, 
and  this  they  fully  understood  and  appreciated.  No  wonder  it  is  that 
they  worship  his  memory. 

As  United  States  Senator  he  labored  earnestly  and  effectively  for 
his  State  and  constituents;  and,  more  than  this,  he  ever  sought  to 
advance  the  interests  of  our  common  country.  While  he  was  a 
partisan,  in  the  sense  that  he  earnestly  believed  that  the  domination 
of  the  principles  of  the  Republican  party  was  necessary  for  the  pros- 
perity and  progress  of  the  Nation,  he  was  first  of  all  a  patriot.  None 
was  more  ready  than  he  to  cast  aside  all  partisan  considerations  wher- 
ever and  whenever  the  welfare  of  State  or  Nation  so  required.  His 
patriotism  was  of  the  highest,  most  ardent  character ;  and  he  loved  his 
State  with  all  the  passionate  devotion  that  the  noblest  son  bears  for  the 
noblest  mother. 

Reference  has  been  made  to  his  candor.  No  man  more  ardently 
hated  hypocrisy  and  cant  than  did  he.  No  one  ever  had  to  guess 
where  he  stood  on  any  question.  No  man  ever  was  clearer,  or  more 
courageous  in  his  convictions.  Physically,  morally,  and  mentally  his 
courage  was  of  the  highest  character.  He  was  absolutely  unafraid.  He 
was  ever  ready  to  express  himself  publicly  or  privately ;  and  his  con- 
versation, in  forcefulness,  strong  sense,  and  striking  phraseology  was 
truly  Johnsonesque.  Had  Boswell  been  his  associate  what  a  wonderful 
biography  the  world  would  have  of  him.  He  had  faults  to  be  sure — 
for  he  was  intensely  human — but  they  were  born  of  his  energy,  quick 
sympathies,  and  ardor,  and  sprang  not  from  malice  or  weakness. 
On  a  certain  occasion  several  years  ago,  the  writer  said  to  him,  "Sen- 


Biographical  Sketch  of  William  O.  Bradley.  XIII 

ator,  I  hope  some  day  to  write  the  story  of  your  life" ;  whereupon,  he 
turned,  and,  looking  the  writer  squarely  in  the  eye  in  that  intense  and 
wonderful  Bradley  way,  responded :  "If  you  do,  you  must  paint  me  as 
Cromwell  wished  to  be  painted,  warts,  and  all."  But  in  the  light  of 
his  genius  with  what  indistinctness  do  the  "warts"  appear. 

Senator  Bradley  was  the  prince  of  story-tellers.  He  had  an 
inexhaustible  stock  which  had  come  to  him  during  the  busy  years  of 
his  life,  both  through  experience  and  absorption,  and  in  the  marvelous 
quiver  of  his  memory  they  were  ever  held  ready  for  instant  use.  With 
true  Lincolnesque  aptness  he  always  had  a  story  to  illustrate  his  point, 
and  with  voice  and  gesture  he  gave  these  stories  life.  When  he 
grew  to  manhood,  and  during  the  fullest  vigor  of  his  career, 
stor3'--telling  was,  perhaps,  a  greater  art  in  Kentucky  and  in  public  life 
generally  than  it  is  today.  When  opportunity  permitted  he  could  sit 
for  hours,  telling  in  inimitable  fashion,  anecdote  after  anecdote,  or 
relating  incident  after  incident,  taken  from  chapters  of  his  busy  life 
and  observation,  and  he  employed  these  stories  with  striking  effect  in 
his  public  speeches. 

This  is  an  unusual  collection  of  stories ;  one  of  the  most  interest- 
ing and  distinctly  "human"  collection  ever  published.  They  consti- 
tute but  a  portion  of  the  inexhaustible  stock  which  Senator  Bradley 
held  in  store.  They  are  of  the  Kentucky  soil.  The  language  quoted 
is  sometimes  a  little  blunt  and  picturesque,  and  is  of  undoubted  Ken- 
tucky flavor.  In  the  recital  of  these  incidents  and  anecdotes  the 
Senator  has,  in  a  purely  unconscious  way,  sought  to  hold  the  "mirror 
up  to  nature,"  and  has  given  us  striking  portrait-glimpses  of  some 
of  those  who  have  most  prominently  figured  in  the  social  and  political 
life  of  the  State. 

But  the  stories  must  necessarily  lose  much  in  the  printing,  and  so 
must  his  speeches  ;  though  the  latter,  because  of  the  genius  and  eloquence 
which  they  possess,  have  within  them  the  spirit  of  immortality.  They 
shall  live  as  long  as  oratory  is  regarded  with  favor  among  men ;  they 
shall  live  as  long  as  patriotism  is  revered.  The  speech  seconding  the 
nomination  of  Grant  in  1880  is  unsurpassed  in  convention  oratory,  and 
by  many  of  the  most  competent  critics  it  is  regarded  as  being 
unrivalled.  Great  in  thought,  sentiment,  and  music  of  expression,  its 
superb  delivery  increased  its  power  more  than  can  be  told.  The 
Chickamauga  address  breathed  the  noblest  spirit  of  patriotism  and 
reconciliation.  It  was  one  of  the  first  great  utterances  in  the  country 
indicating  the  true  basis  for  a  complete  reconciliation  between  the 
North  and  South.  In  it  he  urged  forgetfulness  of  the  passions  and 
prejudices  of  the  Civil  War,  and  love  and  reverence  by  all  for  the 


XIV  Biographical  Sketch' of  William  O.  Bradley. 

heroism  and  glory  common  to  the  participants  on  both  sides  of  that 
awful  conflict.  It  is  a  classic  of  patriotism,  and  should  be  in  every 
history  and  child's  reader  in  the  nation. 

The  sentence  taken  from  his  message  as  Governor,  and  appearing 
on  the  base  of  the  Kentucky  shaft  at  Chickamauga  is,  without  doubt, 
the  finest  inscription  appearing  on  any  American  battle  monument,  and 
is  unsurpassed  anywhere  in  the  world.  It  is  worthy  of  constant 
repetition  and  perpetual  remembrance: 

"As  we  are  united  in  life,  and  they  united  in  death,  let 
one  monument  perpetuate  their  deeds,  and  one  people, 
forgetful  of  all  asperities,  forever  hold  in  grateful  remem- 
brance all  the  glories  of  that  terrible  conflict  which  made  all 
men  free  and  preserved  every  star  in  the  Nation's  flag." 

It  was  one  of  the  nearest  hopes  of  his  heart  to  see  the  complete 
reconciliation  of  the  North  and  South,  and  he  sought  in  every  way,  and 
upon  every  occasion,  to  do  all  within  his  power  to  soften  the  bitterness 
resulting  from  the  Civil  War;  and  his  speeches  constantly  breathed 
this  spirit.    He  lived  to  see  this  hope  essentially  realized. 

Another  master-piece  of  oratory  was  the  speech  at  the  launching 
of  the  battleship  "Kentucky."  No  finer,  nor  loftier  tribute  will  ever  be 
paid  to  his  beloved  Commonwealth  than  that  paid  by  him  on  that 
occasion.  And  his  speech  dedicating  the  Kentucky  building  at  the 
World's  Fair  is  of  the  same  high  strain. 

Senator  Bradley  was  selected  as  the  orator  of  the  day  upon  the 
formal  dedication  of  the  new  capitol  building  at  Frankfort  on 
June  2nd,  1910,  and  this,  too,  was  a  splendid  effort,  epitomizing  the 
history  and  the  glory  of  Kentucky,  and  justly  interpreting  the  spirit  of 
its  people  and  institutions.  And,  so  it  was,  that  whatever  subject  he 
touched  he  illuminated  and  glorified.  He  was  "of  imagination  all 
compact,"  and  had,  in  the  largest  measure,  every  attribute  of  the 
orator.  At  the  same  time  his  life  had  been  cast  along  such  practical 
lines,  and  he  possessed  such  practical  characteristics,  that  he  was, 
also,  a  man  of  affairs. 

William  O.  Bradley  was  the  prince  of  debaters.  In  the  field  of 
controversy  his  talents  shown  with  unmatched  brilliancy.  It  is  to  be 
doubted  whether  any  Republican  in  the  whole  nation  had  as  many 
joint  debates  as  had  he  during  his  long  political  career,  and  he  met 
every  worthy  adversary.  His  wide  information  and  experience,  his 
aggressive  character,  his  knowledge  of  human  nature,  his  common 
sense,  his  power  of  forceful,  logical  statement,  his  ready  wit,  his 
voice  and  manner — not  to  speak  of  his  powers  of  eloquence — all  con- 


Biographical  Sketch  of  William  0.  Bradley.  XV 

Iributed  to  make  him  an  unrivalled  debater.     He  knew  how  to  give 
and  take,  and  he  loved  the  rigor  of  the  game. 

Some  of  the  statements  of  Hon.  Ollie  M.  James,  senior  Senator 
from  Kentucky,  in  his  beautiful  and  generous  tribute  at  the  Bradley 
Memorial  Service  in  the  United  States  Senate  on  June  24th,  1916, 
coming,  as  they  did,  from  a  political  opponent,  and  from  a  man  who, 
himself,  is  possessed  of  great  gifts  of  eloquence  and  leadership,  and 
who  stands  high  in  the  councils  of  his  party,  and  who,  also,  is 
thoroughly  conversant  with  the  history  of  Kentucky  politics, — are 
well  worth  quoting  in  this,  and  related,  connections : 

"He  (referring  to  Senator  Bradley)  had  more  joint  de- 
bates with  Democrats  in  Kentucky  than  any  other  Republi- 
can that  ever  lived  in  our  State.  His  party  was  proud  of 
him,  and  always,  with  confidence,  they  gathered  to  hear 
him  debate  with  any  of  the  leading  Democrats  of  the  State, 
for  they  felt  certain  they  had  a  champion  worthy  of  any  foe, 
and  in  this  they  were  never  disappointed.  He  lifted  the  Re- 
publican party  in  Kentucky,  in  almost  hopeless  minority,  to 
victory  in  the  State.  As  a  lawyer.  Senator  Bradley  ranked 
with  the  very  first  in  the  whole  country.  He  was  engaged  in 
many  of  the  great  legal  battles  in  our  State.  Before  a  jury, 
in  advocacy  of  a  cause,  he  w^as  wonderfully  magnetic  and 
powerful." 

:};        jH        *        *        *        *        * 

"In  addresses  upon  various  subjects  he  displayed 
great  learning  and  brilliancy.  His  address  dedicating  the 
Kentucky  monument  on  the  Chicamauga  battlefield  in  1898 
will  rank  with  the  world's  greatest  orations." 

"Senator  Bradley  easily  ranked  as  the  South's  greatest 
Republican.  He  numbered  his  friends  among  the  men  of 
all  parties.  In  the  discharge  of  his  official  duties  he  wil- 
lingly served  all  the  people.  He  was  non-partisan  in  his 
service  to  the  people  of  Kentucky." 

"Death  comes  to  us  all,  but  it  could  not  have  touched  a 
citizen  of  Kentucky  that  would  have  brought  more  sorrow^ 
and  tears  than  when  Senator  Bradley  was  summoned  to  the 
Court  of  God.  Senator  Bradley  was  a  stalwart  Republican 
of  the  old  school ;  he  was  an  orator  with  but  few  equals ;  a 
great  lawyer,  a  matchless  debater.  He  is  greatly  missed 
and  long  loved  and  remembered  in  thousands  of  Kentucky 

homes." 

******* 

On  this  occasion  Senator  Bradley's  successor.  Senator  Beck- 
ham, said : 

"Since  coming  to  the  Senate  as  the  successor  of  Senator 
Bradley,  I  have  seen  that  his  popularity  is  well  established, 


XVI  Biographical  Sketch  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

and  that  his  death  caused  genuine  sorrow  here,  as  it  did  in 
Kentucky,  An  acquaintance  of  twenty  years  enabled  me  to 
appreciate  his  ability  as  a  leader  of  men.  Through  the 
charm  and  personality  of  his  manner  he  achieved  success. 

"Our  political  differences  were  wide  and  fundamental. 
But  these  did  not  interfere  with  friendly  personal  relations 
between  us.  He  was  a  foe  worthy  of  the  best ;  he  knew  how 
to  deal  blows,  and  he  knew  well  how  to  receive  them. 
Thousands  of  his  friends  and  admirers  in  Kentucky  join  us 
today  in  honoring  his  memory." 

It  may  be  well,  also,  to  quote  the  following  from  the  address  of 
Senator  Bradley's  colleague  and  intimate  friend,  Senator  Francis  E. 
Warren,  of  Wyoming,  delivered  on  the  same  occasion : 

"Perhaps  the  most  accurate  measure  of  the  personality 
and  character  of  a  public  man  is  found  in  the  opinion  of  him 
held  by  his  political  opponents  or  adversaries.  In  the  rough- 
and-tumble  game  of  politics,  in  the  no-quarter  features  of 
political  warfare,  especially  as  carried  on  in  the  so-called 
border  States  occupying  the  line  which  once  separated  the 
North  from  the  South,  the  man  who  can  go  through  a  polit- 
ical campaign  and  retain  the  personal  friendship  of  his  politi- 
cal foes,  is  an  unusual  character.  The  man  who  can  battle 
politically  for  a  lifetime  and  go  down  to  his  grave  beloved 
personally,  alike  by  friend  and  foe,  is  a  marvel. 

"Such  a  man  was  our  former  beloved  colleague,  William 
O'Connell  Bradley,  who  died  in  this  city  at  his  post  of  duty 
on  Saturday  evening.  May  23,  1914,  and  in  whose  memory  v/e 
to-day  devote  this  session  of  the  United  States  Senate. 

"He  was  a  noted  political  campaigner,  and  his  services 
on  the  stump  extended  beyond  the  limits  of  his  own  State 
in  many  national  campaigns.  The  late  Senator  Thomas  H. 
Carter,  of  Montana,  once  said  that  he  considered  Senator 
Bradley  the  best  campaign  orator  he  ever  heard.  Loyalty  to 
his  friends  was  one  of  his  predominating  qualities,  and  he 
was  one  of  the  famous  306  delegates  who  voted  for  thirty- 
seven  ballots  for  General  U.  S.  Grant  for  a  third  term  in 
1880. 

"In  our  personal  association  with  Senator  Bradley 
during  the  five  years  and  two  months  he  was  with  us 
in  this  body,  we,  who  served  with  him,  recall  the  predominat- 
ing traits  of  his  character,  adherence  to  principle,  loyalty  to 
friends,  generous  and  genial  treatment  of  his  colleagues  re- 
gardless of  party. 

"For  every  employee  of  the  Capitol,  no  matter  how 
humble  his  position,  he  invariably  had  a  cheering  word  of 
salutation  and  a  friendly  smile. 

"He  was  generous,  not  for  the  rewards  of  generosity,  but 
because  that  was  a  fundamental  trait  of  his  being.     Failing 


Biographical  Sketch  of   William  O.  Bradley. 


XVII 


in  one  instance  in  getting  a  claim  through  Congress  for  a 
constituent,  he  paid  the  claim  hmiself.  .      ,       ,•       ,^ 

"And  so  he  lived  his  life— adamantme  m  devotion  to 
what  he  considered  the  correct  principles  of  government; 
gentle  and  yielding  in  his  touch  with  humanity. 
Reference    is    herein    made    to    Senator    Bradley's    strong    and 
unwavering  friendships;  and  to  the  fact  that  the  roster  of  his  fnends 
included  those  of  all  political  affiliations.     He  was  a  strong  man  ami 
he  attracted  strong  men.     Hence,  it  was  that  men  like  Senator  Jo.  C. 
S  Blackburn  and  Col.  W.  C.  P.  Breckinridge,  whom  he  had  often  met 
in   debate,    Col.    Henry   Watterson,    and    many    other    distinguished 
leaders  of  the  Democratic  party,  were  numbered  among  his  warmest 
friends.     There  was  nothing  which  he  would  not  have  gladly  done  to 
have  personally  served  them;  and  there  was  nothing  which  any  of 
them  could  have  personally  done  for  him  that  would  not  have  been 
done  with  equal  pleasure;  and,  in  fact,  such  pleasant  reciprocal  service 
often  obtained  between  them. 

At  the  time  of  Senator  Bradley's  death  Col.  Watterson, 
America's  most  brilliant  editor,  and  long  the  intimate  friend  of  Sen- 
ator Bradley,  paid  to  the  latter,  in  the  Courier-Journal  of  May  26, 
1914,  the  following  beatiful  tribute: 

"William  O'Connell  Bradley  was  the  most  affectionate 
and  kindliest  of  men  in  his  familiar  intercourse.     He  was 
sprung  from  a  branch  of  the  great  line  which  gave  Ireland 
its  mightiest  orator,  and  he  possessed  many  of  the  character- 
istics of  that  extraordinary  man.     Certainly,  in  persuasive 
powers  no  Kentuckian  of  his  time  could  approach  him  before 
an  audience  of  Kentuckians.     He  had  eloquence  and  humor, 
and  common  sense.     That  he  became  Governor  and  Senator 
—the  two  most  coveted  gifts  the  people  have  to  bestow--in 
a  State  where  his  party  was  in  a  woful  minority,  attests  his 
genius  and  resources  as  a  party  leader.     He  lived  through 
trying  times  and  shone  undimmed  to  the  last.     The  Courier- 
Journal,  which  entertains  for  his  talents  admiration,  and  for 
his  personality  hearty  good  will,  tenders  his  family  the  as- 
surance of  its  profound  sympathy  and  sorrow." 
The  writer  has  been  unable  to  find  any  record  bearing  upon  Col. 
Watterson's  suggestion  of  kinship  between  William  O'Connell  Brad- 
ley and  Daniel  O'Connell;  but  Col.  Watterson  based  his  statement 
upon  the  fact  that  Senator  Bradley  once  told  him  that  his.  Bradley's, 
grandfather,  was  a  cousin  of  the  illustrious  Irish  patriot. 

Any  sketch  of  the  life  of  Senator  Bradley  would  be  incomplete  if 
it  failed  to  make  reference  to  his  famous  debate  with  General  P.  Wat. 
Hardin  at  the  old  Auditorium  in  Louisville,  on  the  evening  of  Sep- 
tember 19.  1895,  when  the  former  was  the  Republican  nominee  for 


XVIII  Biographical  Sketch   of   William  O.  Bradley. 

Governor,  and  the  latter,  a  skilled  debater,  popular  leader,  and 
splendid  gentleman,  was  the  Democratic  nominee.  General  Hardin 
had  the  disadvantage  of  being  avowedly  for  "free  silver,"  that 
issue  being  then  acute,  and  a  substantial  element  of  his  party  being 
radically  opposed  to  "i6  to  i ;"  whereas,  the  platform  on  which  he  had 
been  nominated  declared  for  "sound  money."  Bradley  was  nominated 
on  a  "sound  money"  platform,  and  declared  himself  as  being  'in 
thorough  accord  therewith.  The  campaign,  which,  because  of  the 
issues  involved,  and  the  character  and  ability  of  the  leaders  engaged 
in  it,  became  historic,  was  inaugurated  by  this  debate.  Hardin 
opened,  Bradley  replied,  and  Hardin  closed.  Bradley,  in  his  reply, 
with  telling  effect,  made  use  of  the  irreconcilable  difference  on  this 
important  question  between  his  opponent's  personal  attitude  and  the 
platform  on  which  his  opponent  stood ;  and  he  brought  into  full  play 
all  of  his  splendid  powers  of  skill  and  eloquence.  The  prepared 
speeches  of  the  two  champions  were  printed  in  the  newspapers  at  the 
time,  but  Bradley's  was  in  large  measure  extemporaneous  because  of 
the  issues  raised  by  his  opponent,  and  his  printed  speech,  in 
no  sense,  is  equal  to  the  one  actually  delivered.  Gen.  Hardin  made 
the  suggestion  of  "carbetbagger"  and  "carpetbaggism"  in  referring 
to  Bradley  and  his  party ;  and  Bradley  responded  to  this  charge  in  the 
most  powerful  and  effective  manner.  There  is  included  with  the 
"Speeches"  in  this  volume  a  quotation  from  his  reply  in  answer  to  this 
charge. 

It  has  always  been  claimed  for  Bradley  that  on  this  occasion  he 
achieved  a  great  oratorical  triumph,  and  won  by  his  speech  the  Gov- 
ernorship of  Kentucky.  To  say  the  least,  this  speech  started  a  great 
tide  in  favor  of  his  ticket,  which,  with  the  skillful  campaign  that  fol- 
lowed, both  in  speaking  and  in  organization,  culminated  in  the  striking 
victory  for  that  ticket  at  the  polls  in  the  November  ensuing. 

It  was  often  said  of  William  O.  Bradley  that  he  never  made  a 
mistake  while  on  his  feet;  that  is  to  say,  he  always  said  the  right 
thing  while  speaking  to  an  audience.  This  was  eminently  true  of 
him.  Naturally,  he  was  a  splendid  impromptu  speaker,  and  his 
thought  was  always  unusually  clear  and  rapid  when  he  was  "on  his 
feet."  In  his  stump  speeches  his  wit  and  humor  greatly  re-inforced  his 
logic  and  eloquence.  He  always  had  the  power  to  raise  his  audiences 
to  the  highest  pitch  of  enthusiasm.  He  had  a  splendid  gift  of 
repartee,  and  the  fellow  who  "butted  in"  or  "interrupted"  was  usually 
"squelched"  for  life. 

Of  the  more  notable  speeches  of  Senator  Bradley  in  the  United 
States  Senate,  we  may  mention  those  delivered  on  the  tariff,  Panama 


Biographical  Sketch  of   William   O.  Bradley.  XIX 

Canal  tolls  question,  New  Mexico  and  Arizona  Statehood  question,  and 
his  defense  of  Kentucky  from  aspersions  cast  upon  her  because  of 
"night  rider"  troubles.  His  speech  on  the  tolls  question  was  pro- 
nounced by  many  Senators  and  publicists  to  be  the  ablest  delivered  in 
either  House  on  either  side  of  the  subject. 

As  a  lawyer  Senator  Bradley  was  equally  at  home  before  court  or 
jury.  Before  a  jury  he  was  well  nigh  invincible.  No  man  could  beat 
him  before  "twelve  men  in  a  box."  He  was,  as  a  matter  of  course, 
counsel  in  many  of  the  most  important  cases  of  the  country,  and 
practiced  in  both  civil  and  criminal  branches,  and  in  both  State  and 
Federal  courts,  with  equal  skill  and  success. 

In  business  matters — both  public  and  private — no  man  was  more 
scrupulous  than  Senator  Bradley.  He  was  the  slave  of  duty  and 
abhorred  debt  and  obligation.  He  conducted  his  business  trans- 
actions in  the  most  accurate  manner,  and  always  had  them  in 
hand,  ^'yhile  he  was  generous  with  his  money  and  his  earnings  were 
considerable,  because  of  his  professional  ability,  he  did  not  amass  a 
fortune,  though  he  possessed  at  his  death  a  comfortable  estate.  In  his 
business  undertakings  he  was  prudent,  and  regarded  material  inde- 
pendence as  a  necessary  prerequisite  to  useful  public  service.  This 
feature  of  his  life  should  bring  home  its  lesson  to  those  who  are 
prone  to  regard  genius  and  business  capacity  as  being  wholly  incom- 
patible. 

An  instance  of  his  sterling  honesty  may  be  here  related.  After 
the  expiration  of  his  term  as  Governor,  he  was  offered  by  one  of  the 
largest  railroad  organizations  of  the  west,  the  position  of  chief  coun- 
sel Vvath  offices  on  the  west  coast,  and  a  salary  of  about  $25,000  a  year. 
He  did  not  want  to  leave  Kentucky,  but  he  greatly  needed  the  money, 
as  the  Governorship  had  brought  him  financial  loss,  and  he  wished 
to  retrieve.  However,  it  transpired,  in  the  course  of  the  negotiations 
that  the  railroad  company  would  desire  him,  in  addition  to  perform- 
ing the  duties  of  counsel,  to  exercise,  on  occasion,  his  political  in- 
fluence in  matters  affecting  the  company's  interest ;  whereupon,  he 
denounced  the  suggestion,  and  turned  down  the  offer  of  employment. 

Senator  Bradley  was  a  Christian  believer,  but  not  a  religionist. 
When  he  was  about  fourteen  years  old,  he  was  a  member  of  tlie 
Baptist  Church.  Afterwards,  as  a  young  man,  upon  his  marriage,  he 
united  with  his  wife's  church,  the  Presbyterian.  Throughout  his  life 
he  was  a  student  of  the  Bible.  Like  many  other  strong-willed  men 
who  fight  their  way  upward,  it  may  be  said  of  him,  that  he  had  a 
religion  of  his  own,  broad  and  tolerant,  influenced  more  or  less  by  his 


XX  Biographical  Sketch  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

earlier  religious  associations,  but  largely  born  out  of  his  own  struggles, 
experiences,  and  meditations. 

Senator  Bradley  had  a  musical  side  in  his  make-up.  He  was 
self-trained  in  everything  he  did,  and  while  he  had  no  sort  of  musical 
education,  he  had  a  fine  ear  for  melody,  and  in  his  younger  days 
was  skillful  with  the  guitar,  and  sang  in  splendid  voice.  It  was  not  often 
in  later  years  that  he  could  be  induced  to  sing  and  play,  but  sometimes 
he  did  so;  as,  for  instance,  when  he  and  that  other  rare  genius,  the 
"Apostle  of  Sunshine,"  Senator  "Bob"  Taylor,  of  Tennessee,  were 
thrown  together  at  Washington  in  the  most  intimate  relationship. 
They  were  from  sister  States,  served  together  in  the  Senate,  possessed 
a  great  many  characteristics  and  sentiments  in  common,  and  their 
friendship  was  most  beautiful.  They  were  bosom  companions,  and 
sometimes,  when  worn  with  Senatorial  cares,  and  opportunity  per- 
mitted, of  evenings  in  Washington  they  would  meet  in  some  congenial 
place,  and  Taylor  with  his  "fiddle,"  and  Bradley  with  his  guitar,  with 
their  old  time  songs,  would  make  the  welkin  ring.  These  were  rare 
occasions,  and  evoked  a  great  deal  of  pleasant  and  interesting  com- 
ment from  the  newspapers  of  the  country.  Thus,  there  v/as  given  a 
glimpse  of  the  "human"  side  of  these  two  wonderfully  "human"  men. 

Senator  Bradley  was  a  man  of  commanding  and  engaging  per- 
sonalty. He  was  in  the  highest  degree,  magnetic.  In  form  and 
feature  he  resembled  his  mother.  He  was  stockily  built,  and,  until 
affliction  impaired  his  constitution,  he  possessed  tremendous 
physical  power.  As  a  young  man  he  was  wonderfully  fleet 
of  foot,  was  unexcelled  as  a  jumper  and  wrestler,  and  delighted 
in  muscular  activity.  He  was  about  five  feet,  eight  inches  in 
height,  and  in  his  later  years  weighed  about  235  pounds.  Until 
infirmity  weakened  him  he  was  as  light  on  his  feet  as  a  child.  His  head 
and  face  were  truly  classic,  and,  as  models,  would  have  delighted  the 
skill  of  Phidias  or  Angelo.  In  fact,  a  modern  sculptor  of  genius, 
Jerome  Conner,  of  Washington,  for  whom  Senator  Bradley  posed, 
has  made  a  splendid  bronze  bust  of  the  Senator,  which  today  graces 
the  rooms  of  the  Kentucky  Historical  Society  at  Frankfort.  For  many 
years  Senator  Bradley  wore  full  beard,  which  served  to  conceal,  to 
some  extent,  his  splendid  features,  and  did  him  injustice.  In  later 
years  he  was  clean  shaven,  and  the  clear-cut,  cameo  lines  of  his  face 
marked  him  as  a  man  of  strength.  His  nose  was  aquiline  and  finely 
moulded ;  his  mouth  firm  and  handsome ;  his  face  full  and  strong ; 
and  his  head  well  set  on  a  splendid  bust.  His  eyes  were  dark  hazel, 
and  of  unequalled  steadiness  and  intensity.  They  glowed  with  intelli- 
gence, flashed  with  courage,  and  commanded  and  persuaded  by  their 


Biographical  Sketch  of  William  O.  Bradley.  XXI 

magnificence.  Orbs  of  life  they  were,  and  orbs  of  beauty  and 
strength.  If  the  eyes  are,  indeed,  the  windows  of  the  soul,  then  what 
a  wonderful  soul  must  his  have  been ! 

Not  only  did  he  have  brains,  will,   sentiment,  and  unflagging 
industry,  which  are  essentials  in  the  make-up  of  an  orator,  but  he  also 
possessed  that  indispensable  adjunct,  a  voice  of  wondrous  volume  ana 
beauty.    Where  could  another  be  found  that  had  within  it  so  much  of 
rich  depth  and  rounded  music?    A  great  flute-like  voice  it  was,  that 
would  have  charmed  all  hearers,  though  he  were  speaking  in  unknown 
tongues.     Before  great  audiences  and  gatherings  his  tones  rang  out 
like  those  of  a  mellow  bugle,  carrying  clear  and  true  to  the  furthest 
corners  of  the  largest  auditorium  or  assemblage,  and  delighted  the 
ear  of  the  most  remote  listener.     His  speech  was  compact,  forceful, 
lo<ncal,  always  smoothly  flowing,  touched  with  fire  and  sentiment,  and 
ca'^t  in  oratorical  mold.     He  always  made  his  point.     Thought  and 
tongue  acted  in  perfect  harmony,  and  never  did  he  hesitate  for  a 
word      He  swept  down  the  highways  of  speech  as  gracefully  as  a 
noble  ship  moves  over  the  bosom  of  the  deep.    No  wonder  it  was  that 
at  the  close  of  his  speech  seconding  Conkling's  nomination  of  Grant  at 
the  Chicago  Convention  of  1880,  Conkling  embraced  him  and  said,  "In 
the  North  orators  have  to  be  made,  but  in  the  South  they  are  born  so. 
Truly,  nature  did  much  for  him,  and,  truly,  he  added  much  to  nature. 
His  capacity  for  labor  throughout  his  life  was  prodigious;  it 
could  not  have  been  excelled.    Work  to  him  was  the  atmosphere  of 
existence.     His  mind  acted  with  the  utmost  clearness  and  rapidity, 
and  he  toiled  incessantly.    As  Governor,  and  as  Senator,  he  was  always 
at  his  post  of  duty,  and  the  cares  of  the  humblest  man,  woman,  or 
child    were  his  own.    No  call  too  modest  could  be  made  upon  him, 
and  he  literally  yielded  up  his  life  in  the  service  of  his  constituents. 
The  peeple  knew  how  responsive,  sympathetic,  and  capable  he  was, 
and  without  limit  they  brought  to  him  their  burdens  and  desires,  and 
without  a  thought  of  the  care,  responsibility,  or  labor  involved  he 
undertook  to  serve  them. 

Until  in  his  later  years,  when  afflictions  came  upon  him,  he  had 
muscles  of  iron  and  nerves  of  steel.  No  one  could  endure  more  hard- 
ship in  the  matter  of  campaigning  than  could  he  in  the  days  of  his 
vigor.  Day  and  night,  from  one  end  of  Kentucky  to  the  other,  he 
would  travel  in  every  conceivable  way,  on  passenger  trains,  freight 
trains,  steam-boats,  row-boats ;  on  horse-back,  mule-back,  and  by  any 
other  means,  to  fill  his  speaking  appointments,  and  he  never  seemed  to 
tire. 


XXII  Biographical  Sketch  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

The  greater  portion  of  the  Senator's  life  was  spent  in  his  beloved 
county  of  Garrard.  He  left  his  Garrard  county  home  at  Lancaster  in 
December,  1895,  and  removed,  with  his  family  to  the  State  Capital 
Frankfort,  and  there  resided  during-  the  four  years  of  his  incumbency 
as  Governor.  After  the  close  of  his  term  as  Governor  he  removed  to 
Louisville,  and  there  entered  actively  upon  the  practice  of  law  and  was 
eminently  successful.  Louisville  was  thenceforth  his  home  until  his 
death.  During  his  service  as  Senator  he  did  not  have  much  time  for 
practice,  and  on  December  ist,  1913,  he  entered  into  partership  with 
Judge  William  G.  Dearing  and  the  writer,  with  offices  in  Louisville, 
under  the  firm  name  of  Bradley,  Thatcher  &  Dearing.  He  looked 
forward  with  great  pleasure  to  the  time  when,  at  the  close  of  his  term, 
he  should  forever  retire  from  politics  and  devote  himself  to  the  prac- 
tice of  his  greatly-loved  profession.  But  this  hope  was  never  to  be 
realized. 

There  is,  of  course,  a  limit  to  human  strength  and  endurance, 
however,  splendid  these  may  be;  and  so,  after  years  of  tireless 
endeavor  and  of  useful  service,  physical  afflictions  grew  upon  the 
Senator  which  told  on  his  splendid  constitution.  For  years  before  his 
death  he  had  been  a  sufferer  from  chronic  ailments,  though  he  had 
fought  heroically  against  them,  and  by  sheer  force  of  will,  had  held 
up  in  mental  vigor  and  activity  to  the  last.  Because  of  his  failing 
health;  in  May,  1914,  he  determined  not  to  be  a  candidate  to  succeed 
himself,  it  being  necessary — because  the  close  of  his  term  was 
approaching — to  make  some  announcement  in  the  premises.  This 
announcement  was  made  to  the  press  on  May  14,  1914,  and  a  few 
minutes  afterward,  in  leaving  his  office  in  the  Senate  Office  Building 
in  Washington,  and  hastening  to  board  a  street  car  to  go  to  his 
apartments,  he  sustained  a  heavy  fall,  breaking  two  of  his  fingers  and 
receiving  injuries  about  his  head,  and  also,  probably,  internal  injuries. 
However,  he  resolutely  came  back  to  his  office  for  several  days  and 
undertook  to  meet  his  Senatorial  obligations;  but  the  injuries  sus- 
tained in  the  accident  had  evidently  rendered  acute  his  other  troubles, 
and  he  was  stricken  down  and  forced  to  take  to  his  bed.  He  never 
arose  from  it,  and  on  the  evening  of  May  23rd,  1914,  in  Washington, 
the  end  came.  His  attending  physician  announced  the  immediate 
cause  of  his  death  to  be  "uraemia."  On  May  26th,  1914,  resolutions 
of  sympathy  were  passed  by  both  Houses  of  Congress,  and  both 
Houses  out  of  respect  to  his  memory  thereupon  adjourned.  His 
remains  were  carried  to  his  beloved  Kentucky,  and  on  Alay  26th  were 
interred  at  Frankfort  in  the  famous  cemetery  overlooking  the  Ken- 
tucky River.    He  is  buried  near  the  spot  where  Boone  is  said  to  have 


Biographical  Sketch  of   William  O.  Bradley.  XXIII 

stood  for  the  first  time  and  viewed  the  wonderful  sweep  of  tlie  Ken- 
tucky River  at  the  base  of  the  cHfifs  below.  Appropriate  committees 
from  the  House  and  Senate  made  up  of  distinguished  members,  and 
the  Senator's  personal  friends,  accompanied  the  funeral  car  to  Ken- 
tucky and  were  present  at  the  grave.  In  accordance  with  his  well- 
known  wishes,  the  ceremonies  which  marked  the  funeral  were  of  the 
."simplest  character.  His  family  asked  that  there  be  no  ostentation,  and 
declined  to  allow  his  body  to  lie  in  State  in  the  Capitol,  although  for 
four  years,  as  chief  executive  of  Kentucky,  he  had  guided  the  State's 
destinies.  At  the  grave  there  was  gathered  an  assemblage  which  was 
declared  to  be  larger  than  had  ever  before  gathered  in  this  historic 
cemetery,  and  it  was  made  up  of  every  class  and  variety,  rich  and  poor, 
1)lack  and  white,  and  of  every  political  affiliation,  all  evincing  the 
deepest  sorrow,  and  each  feeling  the  loss  to  be  distinctly  personal. 
Such  was  the  hold  that  he  had  on  all  who  knew  him.  And  as  the 
multitude  turned  away  from  the  blossom-covered  grave  on  that  lovely 
May  afternoon,  with  their  hearts  filled  with  sorrow,  and  their  memories 
aflame,  the  speech  which  was  on  their  lips,  and  which  shall  be  spoken 
many  a  time  for  3^ears  to  come,  was,  "When  shall  we  see  his  like 
again?"  And  now,  recalling  his  splendid  abilities  and  wonderful 
personality,  and  briefly  reviewing  his  effective  service  for  the  public 
weal,  we  know  of  no  better  way  of  concluding  this  narrative  than  to 
repeat  that  self-same  speech,  "When  shall  we  see  his  like  again?" 

M.  H.  THATCHER. 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley 

TOO  MUCH  LIGHT. 

John  Kincaid  was  one  of  the  old  time  Kentucky  lawyers,  who 
was  esteemed  by  many  as  the  leader  of  the  bar.  He  was  exceeding- 
ly poor  and  acquired  an  education  and  read  law  under  great  difficulties. 
He  was  gifted  with  a  wonderful  and  unusually  logical  mind  and, 
besides,  was  a  most  diligent  student. 

One  of  his  ablest  arguments  was  delivered  before  Judge  Bridges 
(who  was  his  bitter  personal  enemy),  at  the  conclusion  of  which  the 
Judge  quickly  and  snappishly  decided  against  him.  A  member  of  the 
bar  approached  Kincaid,  and,  after  having  extravagantly  compli- 
mented him,  expressed  great  surprise  at  the  judgment.  Kincaid,  in 
his  usually  quiet  manner,  said : 

"I  threw  so  much  legal  light  around  his  little  head  that  it  blinded 
him." 

A  PERTINENT  AND  PERSONAL  INQUIRY. 

Mr.  Kincaid  and  Hon.  Sim  Anderson  (who  was  a  member  of  the 
Lower  House  of  Congress),  were  engaged  in  discussing  a  legal  ques- 
tion before  the  Judge  when  Anderson  announced  a  legal  proposition 
that  astonished  Kincaid ;  whereupon  the  latter  inquired  in  what  book 
it  could  be  found.  Anderson  replied  by  superciliously  tapping  the  side 
of  his  head  with  his  finger;  whereat  Kincaid  arose  and  significantly 
asked : 

"Is  that  volume  bound  in  sheep  or  calf?" 

AN  AFFECTIONATE  CANDIDATE. 

Judge  F.  T.  Fox  was  born  in  Pulaski  county,  Kentucky,  and 
attained  an  enviable  position  as  a  lawyer,  judge  and  politician.  He  was 
a  genial  man  and  very  popular.  In  his  younger  days  he  was  fastidious 
in  dress  and  was  regarded  as  unusually  handsome. 

About  this  time  he  ran  for  County  Attorney  of  his  native  county, 
which  is  in  what  is  known  as  "the  mountains"  of  the  State.  His 
opponent  was  an  exceedingly  plain  man  who  thought  it  would  be  a 
popular  move  to  dress  even  more  plainly  than  usual  in  order  to  catch 
the  votes  of  the  poor  people. 

At  their  first  meeting  Judge  Fox  appeared  in  spotless  linen  and  a 
neatly  fitting  suit  of  broadcloth.  His  opponent  tv/itted  him  about  this, 
telling  the  crowd  that  Judge  Fox  was  fond  of  fine  dress  and  show, 


2'  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

was  an  aristocrat,  and  if  elected  would  spend  his  time  in  making  a 
display  rather  than  in  looking  after  the  substantial  interests  of  the 
county.  He  also  intimated  that  the  Judge  thought  himself  better  than 
the  poor  people  and  succeeded  in  establishing  some  prejudice  in  the 
minds  of  the  audience.    The  Judge  responded : 

"What  young  man  is  there  present,  who  when  he  goes  to  church, 
and  especially  when  he  goes  to  see  his  sweetheart,  does  not  dress  up 
in  his  best  clothes?  And  why  does  he  thus  attire  himself?  In  the 
first  instance  he  desires  to  show  respect  for  the  Lord  and  his  people, 
and  in  the  second  to  make  himself  attractive.  If  he  did  not  respect 
good  people  and  did  not  love  his  girl  he  would  not  care  how  he 
dressed. 

"Now,  fellow  citizens,"  said  he,  "I  am  going  out  to  see  you,  I  love 
you,  and  for  this  reason  I  desire  to  dress  in  the  very  best  clothes  I  can 
obtain.    I  do  this  because  I  respect  you  and  want  your  respect. 

"My  opponent  thinks  any  old  dirty  clothes  are  good  enough  for 
you,  but  when  he  goes  to  see  his  sweetheart  or  to  church  he  dresses 
far  more  handsomely  than  I. 

"He  has  forgotten  that  'cleanliness  is  next  to  godliness,'  and 
presents  himself  in  a  garb  which  a  working  man  would  be  ashamed  to 
wear  while  laboring  in  the  field. 

"He  has  no  respect  for  you  or  himself  and  is  doing  this  with  the 
hope  that  he  may  arouse  your  prejudices  against  me  and  make  a  few 
votes. 

"He  is  actually  too  dirty  to  make  a  County  Attorney.  I  dress  this 
way  because  I  love  you,  and  I  wish  I  could  take  each  one  of  you  in  my 
arms  and  hug  you." 

The  Judge  was  elected  by  a  large  majority. 

A  REPUTATION  FOR  IMPARTIALITY. 

Judge  Fox  announced,  many  years  after  this,  his  candidacy  for 
Circuit  Judge,  and  was  canvassing  in  Russell  county,  when  he  was 
accosted  by  a  desperate  character  who  was  then  under  indictment. 
This  man  told  the  Judge  he  would  be  glad  to  support  him,  and  would 
do  so  if  he  would  promise  to  acquit  him.  The  Judge  assured  him  he 
was  his  friend  and  would  give  him  a  perfectly  fair  trial.  The  desperado 
listened  patiently  to  the  Judge,  and  responded : 

"Any  fool  would  do  that ;  I  don't  want  a  fair  trial — I  want  to  be 
acquitted,  and  I  am  your  friend." 

"Well,"  said  the  Judge,  "I  reckon  you  had  better  not  vote  for  me, 
for  if  I  am  elected  the  first  thing  I  will  do  will  be  to  hang  some  friend 
in  order  to  establish  a  reputation  for  impartiality." 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  3 

NO  PRIDE  OF  OPINION. 

After  Judge  Fox  was  elected,  one  of  his  first  cases  for  trial  in 
Garrard  county  involved  the  title  of  a  little  triangular  tract  of  land 
containing  about  an  acre.  The  parties  were  well-to-do,  substantial 
farmers,  but  were  very  determined  and  were  litigating  with  great 
bitterness.  The  Judge  substantially  instructed  the  jury  to  find  for  the 
plaintiff,  but  the  jury,  to  the  astonishment  of  all  present,  returned  a 
verdict  for  the  defendant.  In  passing  on  a  motion  for  a  new  trial,  a 
few  days  subsequently,  Judge  Fox  said  from  the  bench : 

"Gentlemen,  I  have  been  thinking  seriously  over  this  motion  for 
sometime  and  I  have  concluded  that  the  jury  was  right  and  I  was 
v^^rong.    The  motion  is  overruled." 

"I  SOCK  HIM/' 

At  the  conclusion  of  the  war,  Richard  M.  Robinson,  who  was 
known  as  "Camp  Dick,"  made  an  assignment.  Among  other  claims 
against  his  estate  was  one  for  a  large  amount  of  cotton  purchased 
within  the  Confederate  lines.  The  matter  came  up  for  adjudication 
before  Judge  Fox. 

Judge  Allan  A.  Burton,  a  very  distinguished  lawyer,  represented 
the  trustee  and  interposed  a  plea  that  the  cotton  was  contraband  and 
the  contract  against  public  policy.  He  produced  a  number  of  authori- 
ties and  made  a  forcible  argument,  at  the  conclusion  of  which  the 
Judge  asked : 

"Did  your  client  get  the  cotton?"  to  which  Burton  answered, 
"He  did." 

"Was  the  cotton  worth  the  amount  claimed?"  queried  the  Judge. 

"It  was,"  said  Burton. 

"Did  your  client  pay  for  it?"  asked  the  Judge. 

"He  has  not." 

"Well  then,"  said  the  Judge,  "I  sock  him  for  the  amount  of  the 
claim." 

Burton  appealed  but  the  judgment  was  affirmed. 

NOVEL  JUDGMENT. 

Usually  when  his  court  was  nearing  the  end  Judge  Fox  became 
restless  on  account  of  his  desire  to  return  home  and  most  gladly 
accepted  any  pretext  which  was  furnished  to  continue  a  case.. 

There  was  a  case  pending  in  equity  in  which  Ben  M.  Burdett 
represented  the  plaintiff  and  Senator  Bradley  (then  a  young 
attorney),  the  defendant.  The  defendant  was  in  possession  and  his 
attorney,  fearing  the  judgment  would  go  against  his  client  if  the  case 


4  Stories  of  IVilliam  O.  Bradley. 

should  be  tried,  was  anxious  to  continue  it.  First  for  one,  and  then  for 
another  reason,  the  case  had  been  passed  at  his  instance. 

In  the  meanwhile  he  procured  several  newspapers  and  after  care- 
fully folding  them  to  a  size  corresponding-  with  the  papers  in  the  case 
rolled  them  all  up  together,  thus  giving  the  bundle  very  considerable 
proportions.  It  was  the  last  day  of  court  when  plaintiff's  attorney 
arose  and  insisted  upon  a  trial ;  the  defendant's  attorney  objected,  but 
finally  the  Judge  ordered  that  they  proceed  with  the  case.  Thereupon, 
Bradley  asked  for  the  papers,  which  were  handed  him  by  the  Clerk, 
and  tossing  the  large  bundle  on  the  table,  said : 

"All  right,  Mr.  Burdett,  read  your  pleadings." 

The  weather  was  hot  and  as  the  Judge  caught  sight  of  the  huge 
bundle,  the  perspiration  broke  out  on  his  face,  and  he  exclaimed : 

"Mr,  Clerk,  enter  a  judgment  dismissing  the  petition  in  that  case 
and  grant  an  appeal ;  the  Court  of  Appeals  has  more  time  to  investi- 
gate it  than  I  have." 

NECESSITY  FOR  OCULAR  DEMONSTRATION. 

On  the  trial  of  a  case  before  Judge  Fox,  a  witness  was  introduced 
by  plaintiff  and  testified  to  a  most  unreasonable  story.  At  its  conclu- 
sion he  turned  to  the  Judge,  and  said : 

"Now,  Judge,  1  would  not  believe  this  if  I  hadn't  a  seen  it." 
"Neither  would  I,"  said  the  Judge.    "Judgment  for  defendant." 

LOST  ONE  HALF  HIS  MEMORY. 

Judge  Fox  was  fond  of  telling  stories.  One  of  his  best  was  that 
of  a  man  who  told  him  that  he  had  a  neighbor  who  had  lost  one  half 
of  his  memory.  The  Judge  requested  him  to  explain,  and  the  gossip 
replied : 

"He  remembers  every  debt  that  is  owing  to  him,  but  has  forgotten 
every  debt  that  he  owes." 

ADVANTAGES  OF  "LARNIN." 

Among  other  stories  Judge  Fox  was  fond  of  relating  was  an 
experience  with  an  ignorant  countryman  who  resided  in  his  district. 

The  Judge  said  that  while  traveling  from  D to  S ,  he  remained 

over  night  at  the  house  of  an  old  friend.  The  next  morning  he  was 
accompanied  by  a  citizen  who  had  been  summoned  as  a  witness.  The 
Judge  got  a  late  start,  and  was  anxious  to  know  whether  the  Com- 
monwealth's Attorney  had  preceded  him.  He  informed  his  friend  of 
his  anxiety  and  asked  him  to  notice  if  there  were  any  fresh  horse 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  5 

tracks  in  the  road.  After  travelling  for  some  distance  his  companion 
pointed  out  tracks  to  the  Judge,  who  said : 

"Well,  he  has  evidently  passed  me;  these  are  fresh  horse  tracks 
made  by  his  horse." 

They  rode  on  for  sometime,  his  companion  seeming  to  be  lost  in 
thought.    Finally  he  broke  the  silence : 

"Well,  Jedge,"  said  he,  "I  never  knowed  before  the  advantages  of 
larnin'.  You  say  them's  boss  tracks,  and  I  reckon  you're  right,  but 
to  save  my  soul  I  never  could  have  told  whether  them  war  boss  tracks 
or  mar  tracks.    But  you  know  I'm  ignorant  and  don't  know  nuthin'." 

GOOD  LOGIC. 

In  1910,  when  Hon.  John  W.  Langley  was  a  candidate  for  Con- 
gress on  the  Republican  ticket,  in  the  Tenth  Kentucky  district,  his 
wife,  mounted  upon  a  mule,  travelled  with  him  over  the  mountainous 
part  of  the  district,  and  with  her  ready  wit,  handsome  face  and  win- 
some ways  won  many  a  vote  for  her  husband. 

After  one  of  the  meetings  in  Breathitt  county,  she  was  introduced 
to  a  prominent  Democrat  who,  she  insisted,  should  vote  for  Langley. 

"Why,  madam,  it  is  impossible,  for  I  am  a  Democrat,"  said  he. 

"Oh !"  she  replied,  "so  am  I  a  Democrat,  as  good  a  one  as  you  or 
any  other  person,  but  if  I  can  afford  to  live  with  him  all  of  the  time, 
surely  you  can  afford  to  vote  for  him." 

The  gentleman  was  so  much  pleased  with  her  wit  that  he  agreed 
to  vote  as  she  requested. 

HARD  ON  THE  COURT. 

Some  years  ago  two  lawyers  became  involved  in  an  unseemly 
squabble  in  the  Wayne  county  court,  when  one  of  them  denounced 
the  other  as  "the  d— dest  ass  in  existence."  Thereupon  the  Judge  ex- 
claimed excitedly : 

"Hold  up,  gentlemen,  remember  the  presence  of  the  court." 

THE  BEST  CHILD  ON  THE  PLACE. 

Russell  Dillon  is  the  son  of  Captain  W.  R.  Dillon,  of  London, 
Ky.,  who  is  the  head  of  an  extensive  family.  When  Russell  was  quite 
a  small  boy  and  sleeping  in  the  trundle  bed,  he  tried  repeatedly  to 
make  a  complaint  known  to  his  mother,  who  on  each  occasion  told 
him : 

"Lie  still,  you  little  rescal,  I  am  trying  to  get  the  baby  to  sleep, 
and  you  keep  him  awake." 

Finally,  thoroughly  disgusted,  he  exclaimed : 


6  Stones  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"All  right,  mother,  all  right!  Just  give  all  your  time  to  that 
darned  brat  and  let  the  fleas  eat  up  the  best  child  on  the  place !" 

NO  CHANGE  OF  OPINION. 

L.  N.  Dembitz  was  a  famous  lawyer  of  Louisville,  Kentucky.  On 
the  day  President  Garfield  was  shot,  George  M.  Davie,  another  dis- 
tinguished member  of  the  same  bar,  came  into  the  law  library  and 
exclaimed  in  an  excited  tone  to  Mr.  Dembitz : 

"President  Garfield  has  been  shot  by  an  assassin!" 

Dembitz,  believing  that  Davie  was  playing  a  prank,  without 
raising  his  eyes  from  his  book,  said : 

"You  are  a  fool." 

Davie  responded:  "I  v/ill  pick  you  up  and  throw  you  out  of  the 
window." 

"All  right,"  said  Dembitz,  "you  may  do  that  if  you  choose,  but  it 
will  not  change  my  opinion." 

"OLD  NECESSITY." 

Senator  Wood  resided  in  Taylorsville.  Speaking  of  the  Attorney 
General  of  Kentucky,  he  called  him  "Old  Necessity."  Some  one  asked 
him  what  he  meant,  to  which  Wood  replied : 

"He  knows  no  law." 

IN  THE  SAME  FIX. 

When  Senator  Bradley  was  a  young  lawyer  in  Lancaster.  Ken- 
tucky, while  crossing  the  public  square  on  his  way  to  the  court  room, 
with  several  law  books  under  his  arm,  he  met  an  old  member  of  the 
bar,  Colonel  D — ,  who  said  to  him  in  a  jocular  way : 

"Billy,  you  have  more  law  under  your  arm  than  you  have  in 
your  head." 

"So  have  you,"  retorted  Bradley. 

"I  don't  see  how  that  can  be,"  said  Colonel  D — ,  "I  have  no 
law  under  my  arm." 

"Neither  have  you  any  in  your  head,"  replied  Bradley,  and 
made  good  his  retreat. 

RARE  SELF  POSSESSION. 

An  awkward,  gangling  young  man,  during  the  delivery  of  a 
sermon  at  a  country  church,  persisted  in  talking  in  a  loud  whisper 
to  a  girl  who  sat  beside  him,  to  the  great  annoyance  of  the  preacher, 
who,  at  length,  said : 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  7 

"Well,  I  will  cease  preaching  until  that  young  man  has  com- 
pleted his  conversation." 

The  young  man,  not  the  least  disconcerted,  continued  his  conver- 
sation for  a  short  while,  and  then  rising  and  making  a  bow,  said 
to  the  preacher : 

"Now,  preacher,  you  can  precede;  Ijest  wanted  to  git  Jane  to 
'low  me  to  go  home  with  her  and  she  have  said  she  would." 

EQUALLY  ASHAMED. 

During  the  campaign  for  Governor  in  Kentucky  in  the  year  1899, 
Senator  Goebel,  who  was  one  of  the  candidates,  went  into  the  ofifice 
of  Governor  Bradley  (the  two  being  on  the  best  of  terms,  personally), 
to  examine  some  of  the  official  records.  He  remained  for  some  time 
and,  finally,  when  he  arose  to  depart,  said  in  a  jocular  way : 

"Governor,  I  am  a  little  ashamed  to  have  remained  here  so  long, 
and  hope  you  will  not  mention  it  as  it  might  bring  me  into  serious 
disrepute  in  my  party." 

"Well,"  replied  the  Governor,  "Senator,  you  remind  me  of  a 
bashful  boy  who  escorted  an  equally  bashful  girl  home  from  church 
one  night.  Just  as  he  started  to  leave  the  girl's  residence,  she  said: 
'Now,  John,  don't  you  tell  anybody  that  you  beaued  me  home.'  'Never 
mind,  Sal,'  retorted  the  boy,  'you  needn't  be  afeard  of  me  savin' 
nothin'  'bout  it,  for  I'm  just  as  'shamed  of  it  as  you  air.'  " 

GARRARD  COUNTY  CELEBRITIES. 

Many  great  men  have  come  from  Garrard  county,  Kentucky.  It  is 
a  small  county,  but  has  a  wonderful  record.  Three  of  the  most  learned 
Chief  Justices  of  the  Kentucky  Court  of  Appeals  lived  there.  It 
has  produced  one  United  States  Senator,  three  Governors,  six  Foreign 
Ministers,  seven  Congressmen,  two  Circuit  Judges,  three  Common- 
wealth's Attorneys,  two  most  successful  and  distinguished  surgeons, 
two  of  the  most  learned  and  noted  divines,  a  Brigadier  General  of  the 
Civil  War,  a  Commodore  in  the  Navy,  and  a  host  of  the  ablest  lawyers 
and  most  gifted  orators  in  the  country.  Besides,  the  ladies  of  Garrard 
county  by  subscription  sent  Rev.  Doctor  Burchard,  of  "Rum, 
Romanism  and  Rebellion"  fame,  to  college  at  Danville ;  and  last,  but 
not  least,  Garrard  county  is  the  birthplace  of  Mrs.  Carrie  Nation. 

DECLINED  TO  BE  ANGELS. 

Among  Garrard  county's  many  celebrities  was  James  Mason, 
commonly  known  as  "Bully"  Mason.  At  times  he  got  in  his  cups, 
and  on  such  occasions  said  many  amusing  things.    In  1873  the  cholera 


8  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

visited  the  county  seat,  and  many  persons  fell  victims.  At  the  time 
of  its  appearance  a  Baptist  Association  was  being  held.  In  the  midst 
of  the  devotional  exercises  some  one  rushed  into  the  church  and  pro- 
claimed the  fact  that  the  cholera  had  broken  out,  and  that  a  man  had 
died  but  a  few  minutes  before  within  less  than  a  hundred  yards  of  the 
church.  The  most  intense  excitement  ensued,  which  in  a  few  moments 
developed  into  a  panic.  The  church  was  quickly  emptied  through 
the  windows  and  doors,  and  the  ministers,  with  more  haste  than 
dignity,  shook  the  dust  of  the  place  from  their  feet. 

Some  one  informed  Mason  about  the  occurrence,  whereuix)n  he 
remarked : 

"Well,  I  was  down  there  yesterday  and  heard  them  singing.  *I 
want  to  be  an  angel,  and  with  the  angels  stand.'  I  had  my  doubts  at 
the  time  whether  they  meant  it." 

TRYING  TO  MAKE  HIM  A  RADICAL. 

One  morning  in  the  spring  time,  Mason  passed  a  box  of  cabbage 
plants  in  front  of  the  store  of  a  Republican  friend.  He  inquired  to 
whom  the  plants  belonged.    The  good-natured  answer  came : 

"I  don't  know,  but  help  yourself." 

At  this  time  many  charges  concerning  whiskey  frauds  were  being 
made  against  the  Republicans,  and  Mason,  filled  with  this  idea, 
responded : 

"No,  sir,  I  will  take  nothing  that  belongs  to  any  man  without  his 

consent.     You  can't  fool  me.     You  are  trying  to  make   a   d d 

Radical  out  of  me." 

CARPET-BAGGERS. 

Mason   was   an   intense   Democrat   who   never   forgot   that   the 

"d d  Radicals  freed  the  nigger,"  and  had  an  intense  hatred  for 

"carpet-baggers."  During  the  prevalence  of  the  cholera  in  Lancaster 
in  1873,  a  cloud  of  dragon  flies  blew  into  the  town  and  settled  down 
all  over  the  place.  Mason  was  under  the  influence  of  liquor,  and 
seeing  them  as  they  came  down,  he  rushed  out  of  the  house  and  laying 
out  right  and  left  upon  them  with  his  cane,  shouted  at  the  top  of  his 
voice : 

"Down  with  the  d d  'carpet-baggers.'  " 

HOW  GOVERNOR  BUCKNER  LOST  A  VOTE. 

In  the  first  campaign  of  Senator  Bradley  for  Governor,  when 
General  Simon  Bolivar  Buckner,  was  his  opponent,  he  was  accom- 
panied over  a  large  portion  of  the  state  by  a  newspaper  man,  Col. 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  9 

C- .     The  Colonel  was  an  insignificant  looking  man.     He  was 

quite  small  (about  five  feet,  three  inches  in  height),  weighed  not  over 
120  pounds,  and  was  badly  marked  with  small  pox.  He  was  a  brave, 
generous,  intelligent  fellow,  but  very  homely. 

One  day  they  were  journeying  along  a  mountain  road  running 
through  Whitley  and  Knox  counties.  The  weather  was  intensely  hot, 
for  in  those  days  the  state  election  occurred  in  August.  When  12 
o'clock  arrived  they  were  not  near  any  tavern  or  station,  and  were 
ravenously  hungry.  Coming  upon  a  little  boxed  grocery  on  the 
side  of  the  road,  they  observed  a  sign  as  follows : 

SIDER  5  SENCE  A  GLAS  AND 

OTHER  ETEBELS  IN 

PERPORSHON. 

They  drove  up  to  the  little  platform,  alighted,  hitched  their 
horses  and  went  in.  A  typical  mountaineer,  tall,  raw-boned  and 
possessed  of  a  countenance  that  indicated  that  he  was  "a  mighty  on- 
proper  man  to  projec  with,"  gave  them  a  hearty  reception  and  asked 
what  they  would  have. 

Two  small  cans  of  oysters  with  accompaniments,  among  which 
were  two  glasses  of  delicious  sweet  cider,  were  soon  disposed  of. 
Meanwhile  the  host  stood  stolidly,  with  his  hands  in  his  pockets, 
suspiciously  watching  their  every  motion. 

When  they  had  finished  what  was  really  a  delightful  repast. 
Senator  Bradley  asked  the  merchant  what  were  his  charges,  and  was 
surprised  to  hear  him  say,  "only  a  quarter  a-piece,"  Handing  him  a 
dollar,  Senator  Bradley  ventured  to  remark  that  the  host  was  taking 
a  slow  course  to  riches,  and  requested  that  he  accept  something  nearer 
the  true  value  of  so  good  a  meal.     The  man  smiled  good  naturedly 

and  put  the  money  in  his  pocket.    Senator  Bradley  and  Col.  C 

then  turned  to  go  out,  when  the  latter  said  to  him : 

"Stranger,  allow  me  to  introduce  you  to  our  next  Governor, 
Colonel  W.  O.  Bradley." 

A  look  of  astonishment  passed  over  the  face  of  the  mountaineer, 
which  was  by  no  means  displeasing  to  Col.  C . 

"Well,"  drawled  the  storekeeper,  "I'm  glad  to  see  the  Radicals 
have  such  a  decent  looking  feller  for  a  candidate.  From  what  I've 
beam  of  him  I  'lowed  to  see  a  man  with  horns  on  his  head." 

"Mister,  you  are  a  clever  feller,"  he  continued,  turning  to  Senator 
Bradley,  "an'  I  like  you,  but  I'm  for  old  Simon  Bolivar  Buckner. 
I'm  a  Dimmicrat  and  never  scratched  a  ticket,  an'  I'll  have  ter  vote 
agin*  you," 


10  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"All  right,"  said  Bradley,  "we  will  not  quarrel  about  that." 

Then  suddenly — to  have  a  little  fun — Bradley  said,  bowing  to- 
ward Col.  C ; 

"Now,  my  good  man,  allow  me  to  introduce  you  to  my  friend  and 
competitor.  General  Buckner." 

Such  a  look  of  disappointment  rarely  passed  over  a  man's  coun- 
tenance as  came  over  that  of  the  mountaineer.     He  seemed  to  be 

struck  speechless.    He  looked  Col.  C up  and  down,  and  finally, 

having  recovered  his  voice,  exclaimed,  in  a  loud  tone : 

"Well,  I'll  be  durned.    You  don't  tell  me  that  is  old  Bolivar !" 

"Yes,  sir,"  Bradley  answered,  "this  is  your  candidate." 

"I'll  be  durned,"  retorted  the  man.  "Mister,  I'm  the  dingdest  best 
Dimmicrat  in  these  mountains,  and,  as  I  told  you,  I  never  scratched  a 
ticket,  but  when  my  party  expects  me  to  vote  for  a  dinged  varmint, 
it's  a  leetle  too  much,  and  if  I  don't  give  one  Radical  vote  I  hope 
never  agin  to  hear  the  hawks  holler," 

Col.  C by  this  time  was  white  with  rage.    Bradley  put  his 

hand  on  his  shoulder,  shook  his  head  at  him  and  hurried  him  into 
the  surrey.  But  as  they  were  preparing  to  move  away  the  mountain- 
eer appeared  in  the  doorway  of  his  store  and  exclaimed : 

"An'  you  say  that's  old  Bolivar?" 

"Yes,"  answered  Bradley. 

The  tall  man  drew  a  long  breath,  straightened  himself  to  his 
full  height,  and  said : 

"Well,  I'll  be  d d." 

There  is  no  doubt  he  voted  for  Bradley  if  he  did  not  discover 
the  deception. 

"SHELEBRATIN'  SHENATOR  BECK'S  BIRFDAY." 

In  Lexington  lived  a  remarkably  brilliant  lawyer,  politician  and 
writer,  who  was  a  close  friend  of  the  late  Senator  Beck,  and  whose 
wife  held  the  Senator  in  high  esteem. 

Shortly  after  his  marriage  he  remained  out  at  night  until  a  late 
hour,  and  when  he  reached  home  was  discovered  by  his  wife  to  be  in 
an  advanced  stage  of  intoxication.  Naturally,  she  was  both  angered 
and  mortified,  and  appealed  to  her  spouse  to  know  what  on  earth  was 
the  cause  of  his  unfortunate  condition.  The  first  thought  that  flashed 
upon  the  reveler's  mind  was  the  great  respect  she  entertained  for 
Senator  Beck,  and  that  his  only  hope  lay  in  taking  advantage  of  it. 
In  a  maudlin  sort  of  way  he  said: 

"We've  been  shelebratin'  Shenator  Beck's  birfday." 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  ll 

To  his  intense  relief,  the  frown  quickly  vanished  from  his  wife's 
face,  and  she  exclaimed  : 

"Well,  that  being  the  case,  I  will  overlook  it  this  time,  for  really 
so  distinguished  a  gentleman  is  entitled  to  be  honored." 

A  few  weeks  afterward  he  returned  home  at  even  a  later  hour 
than  at  first,  and,  if  possible,  more  intoxicated.  The  wife  again  ap- 
pealed to  him  to  know  why  he  gave  her  such  cruel  treatment.  He 
was  in  a  confused  condition  of  mind.  Remembering  her  admiration' 
for  Senator  Beck,  but  totally  oblivious  to  the  fact  that  he  had  hitherto 
escaped  her  wrath  by  taking  advantage  of  it,  he  did  not  answer  until 
she  had  several  times  asked  the  question,  when,  gathering  all  of  his 
energy,  he  replied: 

"We've  been  shelebratin'  Shenator  Beck's  birfday." 

.The  v/ife  for  a  time  was  speechless.  At  length,  gaining  self 
control,  she  exclaimed: 

"Are  you  not  ashamed  to  tell  me  that  falsehood?  It  has  not 
been  a  month  since  you  gave  that  same  excuse  for  your  inebriety." 

It  was  now  the  turn  of  the  husband  to  become  speechless.  What 
on  earth  to  do  he  did  not  know.     Finally,  a  bright  idea  struck  him. 

"Nov/,  my  dear,  don't  be  angry  wis  me.  We  found  out  we 
shelebrated  the  wrong  day,  and  conshequently  had  to  shelebrate 
over." 

His  timely  escape  from  a  seemingly  inextricable  difficulty  so 
greatly  amused  the  good  wafe  that  she  laughed  heartily,  and  for  the 
second  time  forgave  him. 

THE  DOTY  BROTHERS. 

For  many  years  there  lived  in  Garrard  county  two  brothers 
who  were  noted  for  kindness,  honesty  and  eccentricities;  one,  John, 
and  the  other,  James  Doty.  The  following  will  illustrate  their  pecu- 
Harities. 

INGENIOUS  LIBRARY. 

Soon  after  James  Doty  commenced  practicing  law,  he  became 
convinced  of  the  necessity  of  having  some  books,  for,  in  those  days. 
in  the  backwoods,  a  library,  however  small,  was  an  advertis^inicnt. 
Law  books  were  costly,  and  he  was  not  able  to  buy  them,  so  Doty  had 
Iwund  some  Patent  Office  reports  with  the  names  of  leading  law 
books  endorsed  on  the  back — such  as :  "Coke  on  Lyttleton ;"  "Shep- 
ard's  Touchstone" ;  "Fearne  on  Remainders,"  &c.,  &c. 

He  owned  among  other  books  the  then  popular  novel,  "Ten 
Thousand  a  Year."  He  had  this  rebound  and  marked,  "Warren  on 
Ejectment."    With  this  valuable  and  pretentious  library  he  soon  con- 


12  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

vinced  his  clients  that  he  was  an  exceedingly  well  read  and  abki 
lawyer. 

SETHIEL  A  PENSIONER. 

The  other  brother,  John  Doty,  instituted  an  action  against  the 
L.  &  N.  R.  R.  Co.  for  damages  for  personal  injury,  the  breaking  of 
his  buggy  and  crippling  of  his  horse,  upon  which  he  had  bestowed 
the  name  of  Sethiel.  With  the  precision  for  which  he  was  noted,  he 
testified  as  follows : 

"I  had  started  from  my  home  to  the  town  of  L .     When  I 

reached  the  brow  of  the  hill,  as  the  crossing  was  not  far  away,  I 
halted  underneath  an  umbrageous  elm  to  listen  for  approaching  trains. 
Having,  I  thought,  carefully  listened  and  failing  to  hear  anything,  I 
indicated  to  my  faithful  steed  that  he  should  proceed  with  com- 
mendable dispatch.  There  was  a  hill  intervening  between  me  and 
the  railroad,  and,  as  I  was  crossing  the  track,  a  train  suddenly  came 
upon  me  from  around  the  turn.  There  was  a  crash  and  everything 
seemed  to  be  dark.  When  I  recovered  consciousness,  I  was  quietly 
lying  about  ten  feet  from  the  track  taking  a  view  of  the  rolling- 
clouds  ;  the  buggy  was  smashed  to  atoms ;  my  faithful  steed  was 
standing  upon  three  legs  with  the  fourth  broken,  and  from  that  day 
to  this  he  has  been  a  pensioner  on  my  hands." 

The  Jury  gave  him  a  verdict. 

WONDERFUL  EXAGGERATOR. 

Years  ago  there  lived  in  Casey  county.  General  Frank  Wolford. 
He  had  been  a  brave  soldier  during  a  portion  of  the  Civil  War  on  the 
Union  side,  but  was  discharged  dishonorably  from  the  service  on 
account  of  his  violent  abuse  of  President  Lincoln,  and  his  declara- 
tion in  a  public  speech  that  the  war  was  a  failure.  Some  years  rifter 
a  resolution  of  Congress  was  passed  removing  the  stain.  After  his 
discharge  General  Wolford  became  an  active  Democrat,  and  later 
was  elected  to  Congress.  He  was  a  man  of  strong  intellect  and  an 
exceedingly  forceful  speaker.  However,  when  he  deemed  it  necessary 
he  did  not  hesitate  to  tell  the  most  remarkable  stories,  and  invariably 
had  present  some  members  of  his  command  by  whom  he  readily 
proved  them  to  be  true.  In  this  way  he  drove  Colonel  Swope,  Genera! 
Fry  and  other  Republican  speakers  out  of  his  section. 

In  the  campaign  of  1872,  General  Fry,  who  had  also  been  a 
Union  officer  and  who  was  exceedingly  fond  of  General  Wolford 
from  the  fact  that  they  had  served  together  during  the  Mexican  and 
Civil   Wars,   was   canvassing   the   8th    District    for   Grant.     After 


Stories  of  WUliani  O.  Bradley.  13 

he  had  completed  his  speech  in  the  little  town  of  Liberty,  the  Demo- 
crats yelled  for  Wolford  to  answer  him,  which  he  proceeded  to  do. 

The  day  after  the  debate,  Senator  Bradley,  the  Republican  can- 
didate for  Congress,  met  General  Fry  on  his  way  to  his  home  in 
Danville.  Knowing  that  the  General  had  other  appointments  in  that 
section,  he  was  naturally  surprised,  and  asked  him  why  he  had 
abandoned  his  appointments. 

"Because,"  said  the  General,  "if  I  go  farther  I  will  have  to  kill 
Frank  Wolford,  and  I  wish  to  avoid  so  terrible  an  act,  among  other 
reasons,  because  of  my  friendship  for  him  and  our  close  associations 
during  the  Mexican  and  Civil  Wars.  Yesterday,  without  even  asking 
me  for  a  division  of  time,  he  took  notes  during  my  speech,  and  when 
I  was  through,  had  himself  called  by  the  crowd  to  answer  me.  I 
had  spoken  of  General  Grant's  kindness  to  the  Confederate  soldiers, 
and  had  also  stated  that  the  Republican  party  was  as  much  opposed 
to  putting  negroes  into  schools  with  the  whites  as  the  Democrats. 
What  do  you  suppose  he  said  in  reply?  I  was  never  so  astonished 
in  my  life.  He  said  that  after  General  Lee  had  surrendered  at  Ap- 
pomattox Grant  had  hung  him  to  an  apple  tree.  I  arose  instantly 
and  demanded  to  know  whether  he  was  serious  or  merely  jesting.  He 
responded:  *I  was  never  more  serious  in  my  life,  and  you  know  it  is 
true.'  I  instantly,  and  with  some  warmth,  denounced  the  statement 
as  false.  With  perfect  coolness  he  responded :  'Fortunately,  General, 
there  are  some  Union  soldiers  here  who  were  present  at  the  time, 
and  I  now  ask  you  boys,  have  I  stated  the  truth?'  Instantly  several 
of  the  by-standers  responded:  'Every  word  of  it  is  true.' 

"I  could  scarcely  believe  my  eyes  and  ears ;  but  what  could  I 
do  save  to  sit  still  or  kill  him  ?  He  then  said :  'The  gentleman  tells 
you  that  he  and  his  party  are  opposed  to  putting  negroes  into  the 
schools  with  white  people.  That  is  all  very  nice  to  say  here,  where 
he  knows  there  is  not  a  negro  in  the  county.  Less  than  a  week  ago 
he  m.ade  a  speech  in  Danville  at  a  negro  church  where  five  hundred 
negroes  were  present,  in  which  he  declared  that  he  and  his  party 
demanded  that  the  negroes  should  have  equal  school  facilities  with 
the  whites  upon  terms  of  social  equality.'  I  sprang  to  my  feet,  and 
most  vehemently  denounced  his  statement  as  a  lie.  Again,  with 
imperturbable  coolness  he  said:  'Boys,  you  were  there  and  heard 
him,  did  you  not?'  And  immediately  his  well  trained  witnesses  re- 
plied: 'Yes,  we  did  and  he  knows  it.'  I  picked  up  my  hat  and  left, 
for  I  knew  I  would  kill  him  if  I  remained,  and  I  am  now  on  my  way 
home  and  will  not  make  another  speech  in  his  part  of  the  district.'' 


14  Stories  of  WUlimn  O.  Bradley. 

THE  TABLES  TURNED. 

.  In  the  campaign  of  Senator  Bradley  for  Governor  in  1887,  on 
Saturday  preceding  the  election,  when  it  was  too  late  to  contradict, 
General  Wolford  stated  in  a  speech  in  Glasgow  that  Bradley  (the 
Republican  candidate)  had  not  always  been  a  Republican ;  that  during 
the  war  he  was  a  Confederate  guerilla,  belonging  to  Champ  Fergu- 
son's band,  and  that  he  (Wolford)  had  captured  him,  but  owing  to 
the  fact  that  his  brother  had  married  Bradley's  sister,  had  released 
him. 

Bradley  was  greatly  outraged  by  this  slanderous  statement,  but 
could  say  nothing  for  the  election  came  off  the  next  Monday.  How- 
ever, he  bided  his  time  until  the  next  Congressional  race,  and  went 
down  in  General  Wolford's  district  to  do  what  he  could, to  defeat 
him  for  Congress.  When  he  arose  to  make  his  first  speech,  the 
General  entered  the  court  room  with  saddle  bags  on  his  arm,  and 
sat  down  licking  out  his  tongue  vuitil  it  touched  his  nose,  which  was 
his  favorite  pastime.  Bradley,  noticing  General  Wolford's  presence, 
said: 

"Fellow  citizens,  I  am  glad  that  General  Wolford  is  present  as  I 
desire  to  make  some  remarks  personal  to  him.  On  Saturday  before 
the  election  last  year,  when  I  was  a  candidate  for  Governor,  the 
General  stated  that  I  was  one  of  Champ  Ferguson's  guerillas,  and 
that  he  captured  me,  but  released  me  on  account  of  family  connec- 
tions. Now,  gentlemen,  it  is  not  my  purpose  to  dispute  his  word. 
You  all  know  him,  you  know  that  he  is  the  soul  of  truth.  George 
Washington  could  not,  and  hence,  did  not  lie.  Therefore  he  is  not 
entitled  to  much  credit  for  telling  the  truth.  But  the  General  is  a 
different  man.  He  can  lie,  but  as  you  all  know  he  has  so  much 
reverence  for  the  truth,  that  he  scorns  to  do  so."  (The  crowd,  who 
knew  the  General's  failing,  smiled  good  naturedly.) 

"What  I  complain  of  is,  he  did  not  tell  the  whole  truth,  and 
you  are  all  aware  of  the  axiom  that  the  suppression  of  truth  is  worse 
than  telling  a  falsehood.  It  is  all  true  that  I  was  one  of  Ferguson's 
guerillas  and  that  I  was  captured  and  released  by  the  General.  Up 
to  that  time  the  General  was  regarded  as  a  great  and  exceedingly 
loyal  soldier.  I  discovered  that  he  could  be  purchased  to  betray  his 
country;  so  I  went  to  President  Davis  and  made  the  fact  known  to 
him,  telling  him  that  for  one  thousand  dollars  I  could  induce  the 
General  to  denounce  President  Lincoln  as  a  tryant  and  the  war  as  a 
failure.  He  promptly  furnished  me  the  money,  and  I  returned  and 
had  a  full  talk  with  the  General.  I  found  that  he  was  perfectly  will- 
ing to  take  the  money.    I  promptly  paid  him,  and  in  discharge  of  his 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  ^5 

contract  he  did  make  the  public  speech  as  agreed,  by  reason  of 
which  he  was  disgracefully  discharged  from  the  service.  Now, 
General,  when  you  told  part  of  the  story,  why  did  you  not  tell  the 
whole  truth?" 

The  General  slowly  arose  and  passed  out  of  the  room,  saymg 

as  he  went:  ,•       u      t        » 

"That's  the  only  man  I  ever  saw  who  is  a  bigger  liar  than  1  am. 

THE  "NIGGER"  SETTLED  IT. 

General  Wolford  was  making  a  speech  during  the  period 
when  the  bugaboo  of  "Nigger  Equality,"  haunted  the  mmds 
of  Democrats,  and  was  constantly  exploited  to  drive  the  white  people 
into  the  Democratic  fold.  He  bitterly  denounced  the  Republicans 
for  favoring  such  equality  and  recounted  an  army  experience  to 
prove  it,  saying  that  Colonel  Casey,  of  Ohio,  ate  at  the  same  table 
with  his  negro  cook.  For  this  he  severely  condemned  the  Colonel, 
and  as  General  Wolford  was  then  in  command  of  the  Brigade  to 
which  Casey's  regiment  was  attached,  told  the  Colonel  that  he  must 
sleep  with  the  cook. 

"To  this,"  said  Wolford,  "the  Colonel  demurred,  but  1  told  him 
he  had  it  to  do.  Finally,  the  whole  controversy  was  settled  by  the 
nigger  who  indignantly  declared  that  under  no  state  of  case  would 
he  sleep  with  the  Colonel." 

THE  LEFT  HANDED  FIDDLER. 

Governor  Robert  P.  Letcher  was  an  old  time  politician,  having 
been  in  the  Lower  House  of  Congress,  Governor,  and  Minister  to 
Mexico,  always  successful,  until  in  his  old  days  he  was  induced  to 
run  for  Congress  against  John  C.  Breckinridge,  then  a  rising  young 
man,  when  he  went  down  in  defeat.     He  was  an  exceedingly  witty, 
wily  and  resourceful  man.     In  one  of  his  races  for  Congress,  while 
canvassing  through  the  mountains  of  Kentucky,  he  and  his  competitor 
(who  was  a  rich  and  aristocratic  man),  attended  a  barbecue.  Governor 
Letcher  discovered  for  the  first  time  that  his  opponent  was  an  expert 
fiddler,  and  that  by  his  soul-stirring  music  he  was  rapidly  capturing 
votes. '  This  vexed  him  very  much  as  he  had  no  more  music  in  him 
than  a  buzzsaw.    What  to  do  was  a  serious  matter  with  him.  Carefully 
noticing  his  antagonist  he  observed  that  he  played  left-handed.     He 
immediately  called  to  one  side  a  very  dangerous  and  ignorant  man  and 
told  him  he  had  something  to  say  to  him  in  confidence  which  he  must 
never  expose. 


i6  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

Said  he:  "That  man  is  a  rich,  Bluegrass  aristocrat.  When  he 
plays  the  fiddle  down  in  the  Bhiegrass  he  plays  right-handed,  but 
when  he  comes  here  he  thinks  any  thing  is  good  enough  for  the 
mountain  people.  He  will  not  play  with  his  right  hand  unless  he  is 
entertaining  rich  people  whom  he  calls  equals.  Now,  I  want  you 
to  ask  him  to  change  hands  and  if  he  don't  do  it,  I  want  you  to  make 
a  public  announcement  of  his  insult." 

The  burly  mountaineer  thanked  the  Governor  for  his  kindness 
and  immediately  went  to  the  opposing  candidate  and  asked  him  to 
please  play  with  his  right  rand.  The  candidate  replied,  that  he  could 
not ;  that  he  was  left-handed.     The  big  fellow  said : 

"You  play  with  your  right  hand  when  you  are  with  the  'ristycrats 
and  you  know  it,  but  you  think  you  are  better  than  we'uns  and  that 
left-handed  fiddlin'  is  good  enough  for  us." 

This  the  candidate  indignantly  denied,  but  to  no  purpose  as  his 
interlocutor  announced  w^th  an  air  of  authority  that  he  "knowed" 
what  he  said  "was  so,"  and  had  witnesses  in  the  Bluegrass  by  whom 
it  could  be  proven.  The  result  was  that  the  large  crowd  became 
sorely  offended,  replaced  the  candidate  with  a  native  fiddler,  and 
refused  to  vote  for  him,  all  agreeing  that  Governor  Letcher,  who 
"cut  the  pigeon  wing"  with  them,  was  their  "sort  of  a  man."  Th(^ 
circumstances  spread  far  and  wide  in  the  district  and  assisted  in 
Governor  Letcher's  truimphant  election. 

WASTE  OF  LIGHTNING. 

Lieutenant  Governor  Bill  Thome,  noted  for  his  wit  and  geniality, 
was  employed  in  a  suit  against  the  Western  Union  Telegraph  Com- 
pany for  damages.  When  the  trial  came  on  there  was  a  great  drouth 
prevailing,  while  the  spring  before  there  had  been  unprecedented 
floods. 

"Gentlemen  of  the  jury,"  Thorne  exclaimed,  with  flashing  eyes, 

"this  soulless  corporation  is  meaner  than    h 1    itself.     There    is 

nothing  it  will  not  do.  Not  content  with  grinding  the  people  by 
exorbitant  charges,  not  content  wath  failing  to  deliver  dispatches  in- 
forming people  of  the  approaching  death  of  their  loved  ones,  so  that 
they  might  be  able  to  see  them  for  the  last  time,  it  has  actually  ap- 
propriated the  lightning,  which  God  intended  for  all,  to  its  own  use. 
From  one  end  of  the  United  States  to  the  other,  it  has  drawn  down 
the  lightning  from  the  clouds  in  order  to  send  dispatches  to  fill  its 
already  bloated  pocket-book.  There  is  a  certain  amount  of  light- 
ning necessary,  as  you  all  know,  to  purify  the  air  and  regulate  the 
elements.     Last  spring  they  used  so  much  lightning  that  everything 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  17 

was  thrown  out  of  gear  and  great  floods  swept  over  the  land,  de- 
vastating the  crops  and  drowning  thousands  of  good  people.  So 
much  rain  fell  then  that  later  there  was  none  left  to  fall,  and  now 
you  are  weltering  in  heat,  with  a  drouth  that  is  parching  and  de- 
stroying your  crops  and  drying  up  the  water  courses,  so  that  there  is 
not  enough  of  water  for  man  and  beast.  Their  entire  business  should 
be  broken  up  and  every  mother's  son  of  them  confined  in  the  peniten- 
tiary. I  sometimes  wonder  why  the  Lord  does  not  strike  them  dead 
for  thus  interfering  with  his  business  and  bringing  desolation  on  the 
people." 

A  good  round  verdict  was  the  result  of  this  impassioned  appeal. 

"I  BEG   YOUR  PARDON.'' 

While  in  office  Lieutenant  Governor  Thorne,  during  the  absence 
of  the  Governor,  granted  a  pardon  which  caused  great  excitement 
and  made  him  the  target  of  a  deluge  of  abuse  by  the  newspapers. 
About  the  time  the  excitement  was  at  its  highest  pitch,  whilst  Thorne 
was  in  a  crowded  court  room,  some  one  stepped  on  his  foot  and 
politely  said: 

"I  beg  your  pardon." 

The  Governor  turned  on  him  instantly  and  replied : 

"I  will  not  grant  it— I  granted  one  the  other  day  and  the  infernal 
fools  have  not  given  me  any  peace  since." 

MEANEST  CLIENTS  ON  EARTH. 

Near  the  close  of  W.  O.  Bradley's  term  as  Governor,  Thorne, 
who  had  not  then  been  elected  Lieutenant  Governor,  came  into  the 
office  and  remarked: 

"Well  Governor,  your  time  is  nearly  out,  and,  although  we  differ 
politically,  I  want  to  say  I  am  sorry  to  see  you  go.  You  have  made 
a  square  Governor  and  have  faithfully  done  your  duty.  It  is  true 
you  would  never  pardon  any  of  my  clients,  but  I  do  not  blame  you, 

for  no  man  ever  had  such  a  h 1    deserving,    unshirted    set    of 

clients  as  I  had." 

TOO  PARTISAN  TO  "HOLLER." 

In  the  campaign  of  1900,  Thorne  told  the  following  story  in  a 
political  speech: 

It  was  just  after  W.  O.  Bradley  was  elected  Governor  of  Ken- 
tucky, and  the  Republicans  in  my  county  were  holding  a  big  ratifi- 
cation meeting.  Brass  bands,  all  kinds  of  floats  and  banners,  and 
hundreds  of  men,  women  and  boys  paraded  the  streets.     A  young 


l8  Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

girl  claimed  that  while  standing  on  her  front  porch,  v/hich  was  al- 
most covered  with  vines  and  foliage  of  different  kinds,  she  was  re- 
peatedly hugged  and  kissed  by  a  young  man  she  hardly  knew.  A 
warrant  was  sworn  out  for  her  assailant.  He  was  arrested  and  it 
was  my  duty  as  Commonwealth's  Attorney  to  prosecute  him.  John  D. 
Carroll,  now  Judge  of  the  Kentucky  Court  of  Appeals,  had  been  em- 
ployed to  defend  him.  I  soon  finished  my  examination  of  the  witness, 
and  turned  her  over  to  Carroll  for  cross  examination. 

"What  night  was  this?"  thundered  Carroll. 

"Thursday   night,"   answered   the   witness. 

"Thursday  night,  you  say?     What  time  of  night?" 

"About  eight  o'clock." 

"That  was  about  the  time  the  parade  was  passing  your  house?" 

"Yes." 

"Did  you  ever  cry  out  or  scream?" 

"No,  sir,  I  did  not." 

"Will  you  tell  this  jury,"  asked  Carroll  with  rising  voice,  "with 
the  streets  thronged  with  people,  and  this  man  hugging  and  kissing 
you  against  your  will,  as  you  claim,  why  you  never  uttered  a  single 
cry  for  help  or  assistance?" 

"Yes,  sir,  I  will  tell  the  jury,  and  everybody  else,  that  you'll 
never  ketch  me  hollerin'  at  no  Republican  gatherin'." 

REASONABLE  EXPLANATION. 

Governor  Thorne  and  Senator  Bradley  were  close  friends 
for  years.  Imagine,  therefore,  the  surprise  of  Bradley  when, 
in  the  gubernatorial  campaign  of  1907,  he  was  informed  that  Thorne 
had  recently  made  a  speech  at  Lancaster,  Kentucky,  in  which  he  had 
very  caustically  and  undeservedly  referred  to  him.  Shortly  after 
receiving  this  information  Bradley  met  Thorne  at  Winchester  and 
upbraided  him  severely  for  his  conduct,  saying  to  him  that  he 
didn't  dare  to  hear  any  more  professions  of  his  friendship. 
Thorne  seemed  to  be  very  much  astounded  and  said: 
"Why,  Bradley,  I  am  astonished  that  you  do  not  understand  it! 
The  Democrats  sent  me  out  to  speak,  and  I  v/as  notified  that  it  was  ex- 
pected of  me  that  I  should  attack  you ;  this  I  failed  to  do  until  I  reached 
Lancaster,  your  birthplace,  and  there  I  did  tell  a  lot  of  things  concern- 
ing you  which  were  not  true.  I  knew  I  had  to  tell  these  things  some 
v/here  and  I  concluded  to  tell  them  in  Lancaster  where  everybody 
knew  you  and  consequently  would  know  that  the  statements  were 
not  true.  So,  you  see,  old  man,  I  was  doing  my  level  best  to  take 
care  of  you." 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  19 

CONTEMPT  FOR  THE  POOR. 

Judge  John  M.  Elliott  was  one  of  Kentucky's  foremost  politi- 
cians, was  elected  to  Congress,  and,  later  in  life,  to  the  Circuit  and 
Appellate  benches.  He  was  blessed  with  a  splendid  native  intellect; 
had  no  superior  in  electioneering;  was  loved  and  admired  almost 
universally,  and  was  possessed  of  the  highest  sense  of  honor,  and  the 
most  exquisite  vein  of  humor. 

Along  in  the  fifties  he  made  his  first  race  for  Congress  against 
Colonel  Dunlap,  a  gifted  and  polished  man  of  splendid  appearance, 
who  was  always  faultlessly  dressed.  There  was  at  that  time  about 
fifteen  hundred  Whig  majority  in  the  district.  The  territory  was 
nearly  all  mountainous  and  Elliott  lived  in  that  section.  He  came 
down  to  the  home  town  of  Colonel  Dunlap  which  was  situated  in 
one  of  the  two  Bluegrass  counties  of  the  district,  in  order  to  open 
the  canvass.  Dunlap,  handsome  as  a  picture,  and  dressed  in  a  faultless 
suit  of  broadcloth  presented  a  marked  contrast  to  Elliott,  who  wore 
a  bobtailed  luster  coat  and  a  pair  of  nankeen  trousers,  which  pre- 
sented the  appearance  of  having  been  cut  for  high  water,  as  they 
only  came  within  about  tv/o  inches  of  the  tops  of  his  shoes.  Elliott's 
friends  were  sorely  disgusted  with  his  appearance  and  insisted  on 
giving  him  a  suit  of  clothes.  This  he  indignantly  declined,  saying: 
"What  is  good  enough  for  my  people  is  good  enough  for  any- 
body." 

Imagine  the  triumphant  feelings  of  Dunlap's  friends  and  the 
consternation  of  Elliott's  followers  when  the  two  men  appeared  on 
the  stand.  Dunlap  led  off  in  a  beautiful  speech,  his  winning  per- 
sonality never  having  been  so  strikingly  manifested  before.  After 
he  concluded,  he  sat  down  amidst  the  wild  huzzas  of  his  friends. 

Elliott  then  arose,  and  despite  his  garb,  soon  convinced  the 
audience  that  he  was  by  no  means  an  ordinary  man.  His  concise 
and  powerful  discussion  of  public  questions  sent  conviction  home  to 
many.    Then,  in  conclusion  he  remarked : 

"When  I  came  here  today,  my  friends  insisted  on  giving  me  a 

suit  of  clothes  but  I  told  them  that  clothes  did  not  make  the  man ;  that 

'Rank  is  but  the  guinea's  stamp. 

The  man's  a  man  for  a'  that ;' 

and  that  what  was  good  enough  for  my  people  was  good  enough 

for  anybody. 

"I  am  told  that  when  my  opponent  first  came  to  this  county  he 
was  a  poor  young  man,  as  badly  dressed  as  I  am  now.  You  people 
took  him  up  and  nobly  stood  by  him  until  he  is  blessed  with  much 
•f  this  world's  goods.    I  am  informed  that  he  and  his  family  toil  not, 


so  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

neither  do  they  spin ;  that  they  dress  in  purple  and  fine  linen  and  fare 
sumptuously  every  day ;  yet  I  am  told  that  he  has  never  been  known  to 
invite  a  poor  man  home  to  dinner  with  him." 

Dunlap  sprang  to  his  feet  and  denounced  the  statement  as  a  lie. 

"Sit  down,  George,  and  keep  quiet!"  said  Elliott.  "The  proof 
of  the  pudding  is  the  chewing  of  the  bag.  Now,  fellow  citizens,  I 
will  ask  if  there  is  a  poor  man  in  this  audience  who  was  ever  invited 
home  to  dinner  by  him,  to  hold  up  his  hand." 

Elliott  nov/  paused  for  a  minute  and  no  hand  appearing,  con- 
tinued : 

"Now  if  there  is  any  man  present  who  ever  heard  of  George 
inviting  any  poor  man  to  dinner  with  him  he  will  please  hold  up 
his  hand." 

No  hand  went  up,  when  Elliott  turned  to  his  opponent  and  ex- 
claimed : 

"George,  I  think  I've  got  you." 

The  crowd  was  convulsed  with  laughter,  and  it  was  plain  that 
Elliott  had  won  the  day.  From  that  day  forward  Elliott  related  how 
he  had  told  the  Bluegrass  voters  that  clothes  good  enough  for  his 
people  were  good  enough  for  anybody,  and  persisted  in  alluding  to 
his  friend  as  a  man  who  had  been  raised  from  poverty  to  wealth, 
who  lived  in  greatest  affluence,  yet  never  had  been  known  to  invite  a 
poor  man  home  to  dinner  with  him.  When  the  votes  v/ere  counted 
it  developed  that  Elliott  had  been  elected  by  a  large  majority. 

KNEW  WHAT  HE  NEEDED. 

Judge  Elliott  had  a  contempt  for  a  certain  Governor  of  the 
State,  who  he  did  not  think  was  a  man  of  ability.  One  Sunday  he 
was  sitting  in  the  Capitol  Hotel  at  Frankfort,  when  his  quondam 
competitor  for  Congress  came  in,  returning  from  church. 

"Where  have  you  been,  George?"  asked  the  Judge. 

"To  the  Presbyterian  church,  where  I  heard  one  of  the  greatest 
sermons  and  the  most  patriotic  prayer  I  ever  listened  to,"  responded 
Col.  D . 

"What  did  he  say  in  his  prayer."  queried  the  Judge. 

"Well,"  said  the  Colonel,  "he  prayed  for  a  full  and  complete  re- 
conciliation of  the  North  and  South,  and  that  each  section  should 
love  the  other,  and  we  might  be,  in  fact,  but  one  people.  He  prayed 
for  the  President  of  the  United  States,  and  the  Governors  of  all  the 
States,  and,  especially  for  the  Governor  of  Kentucky." 

"What  did  he  say  about  the  Governor  of  Kentucky?"  queried 
the  Judge. 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  2\ 

"He  prayed  for  the  Lord  to  give  him  wisdom  and—" 
"There  now!"  exclaimed  the  Judge,  "he  is  a  smart  man.     He 
knows  exactly  what  the  Governor  needs." 

GENERAL  WHITTAKER. 

There  was  no  braver  or  better  officer  in  the  Union  Army  than 
General  Walter  C.  Whittaker.  Before  the  war  he  was  a  lawyer  of 
ability,  and  at  the  breaking  out  of  the  Rebellion  was  a  member  of  the 
Senate.  Although  he  lisped,  he  was  a  speaker  of  considerable  power. 
He  was  regarded  as  a  very  brave  and  exceedingly  dangerous  man, 
and  many  persons  stood  in  awe  of  him.  His  military  record  was 
that  of  a  brilliant,  dashing  and  courageous  officer. 

DANGER  HAPPILY  AVERTED. 

After  he  had  gone  into  the  army  General  Whittaker  returned  to 
a  term  of  the  Henry  county  circuit  court  to  defend  a  man  charged 
with  murder.  The  case  had  been  continued  several  times  on  his  mo- 
tion, and  Judge  Drane  had  most  positively  and  curtly  announced  to 
the  members  of  the  bar  that  it  should  not  be  again  continued.  This 
announcement  occurred  before  the  news  of  the  arrival  of  the  General, 
who  was  not  expected  to  be  present.  As  soon  as  it  was  known  that 
he  was  in  town,  general  consternation  ensued.  Being  told  by  the  hotel- 
keeper  that  he  had  no  vacant  room,  and  that  his  only  chance  would  be 
to  sleep  in  a  room  wliere  Judge  Drane  and  a  number  of  lawyers  were 
quartered,  General  Whittaker  readily  accepted  the  situation  and  was 
shown  up. 

When  he  entered  every  gentleman  present  hurriedly  arose,  and 
after  a  profound  bow,  offered  him  a  chair.  He  declined  all  offers, 
however,  with  great  civility.  Later,  each  gentleman,  with  profuse 
hospitality,  tendered  him  his  bed,  but  their  offers  were  declined  with 
thanks.  He  was  dressed  in  uniform,  with  a  heavy  broad  sword  belted 
around  him,  and  in  the  belt  was  also  a  large  army  pistol. 

"Gentlemen,  I  do  not  care  for  a  bed,"  said  he,  "I  am  a  tholdier, 
accuthtomed  to  thleep  on  Mother  Earth  with  no  covering  but  the 
cloudths." 

After  thus  delivering  himself  he  turned  his  chair  down  upon  the 
floor  and  lay  down  to  rest.  All  of  the  occupants  of  the  room  wenj 
to  bed  at  once. 

Later  in  the  night  the  General  had  a  dream.  He  was  in  the 
midst  of  a  great  battle,  at  the  head  of  his  soldiers,  leading  a  charge. 


22  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

Springing  to  his  feet  he  drew  his  sword  and  circling  it  above 
his  head,  knocking  the  plastering  from  the  ceiling  and  scattering 
dismay  in  all  directions,  he  yelled  in  tones  of  thunder: 

"Tharge!   Tharge." 

In  the  twinkling  of  an  eye  every  bed  was  vacated,  and  Judge 
Drane  and  the  lawyers,  clad  in  their  night  robes,  disappeared  through 
open  doors  and  windows,  leaving  Whittaker  in  undisturbed  posses- 
sion. 

Awaking  from  his  dream  he  immediately  returned  to  his  chair, 
lay  down  and  slept  until  morning.  After  court  met,  the  spurs  and 
sword  of  the  General  were  heard  rattling  on  the  stones  near  the 
entrance  of  the  courtroom,  striking  terror  to  the  hearts  of  many 
persons.  Presently  he  entered  and  marched  down  the  crowded  aisle, 
people  parting  with  great  fear  and  commendable  humility,  on  either 
side,  to  allow  him  to  pass. 

He  strode  up  to  the  center  of  the  bar  and  abruptly  addressed  the 
court,  suggested  that  his  country  needed  his  services  in  the  field,  and 
that  the  case  against  his  client  should  be  continued.  Of  course,  n& 
objection  was  made  to  the  motion.  The  court,  forgetting  his  pre- 
vious declaration,  hastened  to  say  that  he  heartily  agreed  with  the 
General,  and  would,  with  pleasure,  continue  the  case. 

Amid  breathless  silence,  except  the  clatter  of  spurs  and  sword, 
the  General  then  turned  "about,  face,"  and  walked  rapidly  from  the 
room.  After  he  had  disappeared  an  expressive  smile  of  relief  lighted 
the  faces  of  judge,  bar,  jury  and  spectators,  each  and  all  of  whom 
v/ere  delighted  to  see  the  General  return  to  the  front. 

THREAT  EASILY  SATISFIED. 

After  the  Civil  War  ended.  General  Whittaker  removed  to  Louis- 
ville and  engaged  in  the  practice  of  law.  At  this  time  Judge  Bax- 
ter, of  Nashville,  was  in  Louisville  presiding  over  the  United  States 
circuit  court.  He,  like  General  Whittaker,  was  a  man  of  temper 
and  courage,  and  was  of  very  large  and  commanding  appearance. 
The  Judge,  in  deciding  a  case  against  Whittaker's  client,  made  some 
observation  at  which  Whittaker  took  offense.  He  immediately  ut- 
tered among  his  brother  lawyers  the  direct  threat  against  the  Judge 
and  when  court  adjourned,  walked  out  in  the  hall  awaiting  Baxter's 
coming. 

The  lawyers  stood  aghast,  afraid  to  notify  the  Judge  of  his 
danger,  lest  they  should  call  dawn  the  wrath  of  General  Whittaker 
upon  their  heads.    The  Judge  came  walking  leisurely  along  when  the 


Stories  of  V/illiam  O.  Bradley  23 

General,  who  was  of  insignificant  stature,  stepped  up  to  him  and 
said  in  a  loud  voice : 

"Judge,  you  inthulted  me  today,  and  I  demand  an  apology." 

The  Judge  looked  down  upon  him  contemptuously  and  remarked : 

"The  hell  you  say,"  and  passed  on. 

The  General  stood  dazed  for  a  few  minutes  and  then  turning  to 
his  brother  attorneys  with  an  air  of  triumph,  said: 

"I  told  you  I  would  get  even  with  him,  d — m  him ;  I  made  him 
loothe  his  judithial  dignity  and  expothe  himthelf." 

INSTRUCTION  AND  ENTERTAINMENT. 

The  same  distinguished  attorney,  just  preceding  his  volunteer- 
ing, defended  a  man  by  the  name  of  Ben  Mickey  on  a  charge  of  mur- 
der.    In  the  course  of  his  remarkable  address  to  the  jury,  he  said : 

"Gentlemen,  of  the  jury,  I  always  speak  with  two  intenthuns: 
my  first  is  to  instruct  and  my  thecond  to  entertain.  And  having 
spoken  to  you  for  two  hourths  for  the  purpoths  of  instruction,  I  will 
now  speak  to  you  for  two  hourths  more  for  the  purpose  of  enter- 
tainment. I  took  a  sthroll  the  other  morning,  and  as  I  sthrolled  out 
in  the  thuburbs  of  the  town  the  sthweet  notes  of  the  robin  fell  upon 
the  chamberths  of  my  ear,  and  I  said  to  myself:  'Poor  Ben  Mickey, 
no  robin  things  for  him.'  Man  dieths,  gentlemen  of  the  jury,  thome- 
body's  got  to  clothes  his  eyes ;  you  die,  thomebody's  got  to  clothes 
your  eyes — I  die"  (here  the  speaker  was  overcome  with  emotion  and 
spoke  in  tearful  tones),  "and  thomebody's  got  to  clothes  my  eyes. 
But  when  the  little  bird  dieths  he  clothes  hiths  own  eyes." 

It  is  unnecessary,  perhaps,  to  add  that  the  defendant  was  con- 
victed. 

JUDGE  PEARL. 

Judge  Pearl  was  for  many  years  Circuit  Judge  in  one  of  the 
mountain  circuits  of  Kentucky.  He  was  one  of  the  best  equipped 
men  who  ever  sat  upon  a  bench.  Possessed  of  much  learning,  strong 
common  sense  and  a  legal  mind,  naturally,  he  won  great  distinction. 
He  had  only  one  failing,  now  and  then  he  imbibed  too  freely,  on  which 
occasions  he  did  and  said  many  amusing  things. 

"SMARTEST  MAN  ON  THE  FACE  OF  THE  EARTH." 

While  presiding  and  instructing  the  grand  jury  in  a  small  and 
very  hot  court  room,  being  a  very  fleshy  man  and  seriouslv  under 
the  influence  of  liquor,  the  Judge  was  almost  overcome  with  heat, 
and,  besides,  he  had  reached  the  stage  when  he  was  unable  to  articulate 
very  distinctly.    He  did  not  wish  to  confess  his  inability  to  proceed, 


24  Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

and  yet  he  saw  that  he  was  nearing  the  point  when  he  would  be 
forced  to  do  so. 

Appreciating  his  condition,  one  of  the  attorneys,  Robert  Boyd, 
arose,  and  after  asking  to  be  excused  for  interrupting  the  court,  sug- 
gested that  it  was  near  the  dinner  hour  (which  was  not  true),  and  in 
view  of  that,  and  the  further  fact  that  the  Judge  could  not  conclude 
his  charge  before  the  arrival  of  that  hour,  moved  that  the  court 
adjourn  until  one  o'clock.  This  motion  was  a  life-saver  to  the  Judge, 
who  responded  gratefully: 

"Bob,  I  have  always  known  you  were  the  smartest  man  on  the 
face  of  the  earth — Court  stands  adjourned  until  one  o'clock  P.  M." 

UNIQUE  OPINION  OF  MT.  VERNON  BAR. 

On  a  certain  occasion  he  said  to  a  friend  that  one  of  the  local 
lawyers.  Bob  Cook,  had  been  very  kind  in  obtaining  whiskey  for  him, 
which  was  quite  difficult  to  do  as  local  option  was  in  force  in  the 
town.  In  the  course  of  the  conversation  the  friend  asked  him  his 
opinion  of  the  local  attorneys  at  Mt.  Vernon.  The  judge  answered 
promptly : 

"Well,  there  is  San  Burdette ;  he  is  a  bright,  smart  fellov/,  but  he 
is  all  blossom  and  no  fruit.  As  to  John  Brown,  he  is  a  tolerable 
lawyer  and  a  mighty  fine  poker  player.  Judge  Carter  don't  know 
narry  law.  Ike  Stewart  is  a  queer  specimen  of  humanity — at  a  dis- 
tance, when  he  is  walking  you  can't  tell  whether  his  toes  are  in  front 
or  behind.  He  is  not  dangerous  as  a  lawyer,  but  greatly  to  be  feared 
as  a  witness.  Judge  McClure  can  only  go  half  hammered — his  ability 
will  not  reach  three  jumps — but  Bob  Cook  is  the  cleverest  man  on 
earth,  and  a  pretty  durned  good  lawyer,  too." 

THE  LAWYER  AND  THE  COMET. 

In  the  Judge's  town  there  lived  a  handsome  and  well-dressed 
lawyer,  a  man  of  fine  character  and  intelligence,  but  whom  the  Judge 
disliked  and  regarded  as  filled  with  self-importance.  Some  while 
previous  to  the  time  of  his  remark  a  comet  appeared,  causing  much 
comment  in  the  newspapers  and  among  the  people.  Suddenly  it 
disappeared,  and  some  one  called  the  attention  of  the  Judge  to  the 
fact,  whereupon  he  remarked : 

"I  am  not  astonished.  I  knew  there  was  not  room  enough  in  the 
universe  for  Bill  B and  the  comet,  both." 


Stories  of  IViliiam  O.  Bradley.  25 

SUDDEN  CHANGE  OF  OPINION. 

The  Judge,  as  stated,  was  a  large,  fleshy  man  and,  being  of  low 
stature,  his  locomotion  was  attended  with  some  difficulty.  He  fre- 
quently rode  on  horseback  to  various  courts  in  his  circuit.  While 
thus  traveling  with  a  huge  pair  of  saddle-bags  thrown  across  his  sad- 
dle, a  young  man  by  the  name  of  Landrum  caught  up  with  him,  and 
the  following  colloquy  ensued.    Said  the  young  man: 

"Good  morning.  Judge." 

The  Judge  responded: 

"Good  morning,  young  man,  what  is  your  name?" 

"My  name  is  Walker  Landrum,  and  I  live  in  Lancaster — am  a 
son  of  your  old  friend,  General  Landrum." 

They  moved  along  in  silence  for  sometime,  when  the  Judge,  who 
knew  of  the  many  killings  that  had  taken  place  in  Lancaster  for  some 
years  previous,  remarked : 

"Well,  I  suppose  you  have  a  pistol  and  know  how  to  use  it!" 

"Do  you  see  that  woodpecker?"  said  the  Judge,  pointing  to  a 
bird  on  a  tree  near  by. 

"I  do,"  said  Landrum. 

"Well,"  said  the  Judge,  "do  you  think  you  could  hit  him?" 

"Certainly,"  said  Landrum,  "but  I  do  not  care  to  kill  him  as  he 
is  valuable  in  destroying  insects." 

"Valuable  in  killing  insects?"  said  the  Judge.  "He  is  the  meanest 
and  filthiest  of  birds,  and  I  wish  you  would  kill  him." 

"All  right,"  Landrum  responded,  and  suiting  his  action  to  his 
word,  fired. 

Hearing  a  scuffling  and  confusion  Landrum  turned  and  beheld 
the  Judge  lying  flat  of  his  back  in  the  middle  of  the  road ;  his  saddle- 
bags about  ten  feet  away  and  his  old  gray  mare,  with  tail  over  her 
back,  running  at  breakneck  speed  down  the  hill.  He  immediately 
dismounted  and  assisted  the  Judge  to  arise,  and  thence  to  a  friendly 
log,  where  he  seated  him  and  handed  him  his  saddle-bags.  Then, 
mounting  his  horse,  he  rapidly  pursued  the  fleeing  mare  and  presently 
returned  with  her. 

After  condoling  with  the  Judge,  he  assisted  him  to  mount  his 
animal,  and  they  rode  forward  in  silence  for  several  hundred  yards. 
At  length  Landrum,  espying  another  woodpecker,  pointed  him  out 
to  the  Judge  and  prepared  to  fire,  when  the  Judge,  in  a  pleading  man- 
ner, exclaimed : 

"Don't,  Landrum,  for  God's  sake  don't  shoot  hiin ;  he  is  the  most 
harmless  bird  on  the  face  of  the  earth." 


26  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

THE  GREATEST  SPEECH  EVER. 

Judge  Pearl  and  Senator  Bradley  were  on  terms  of  the  greatest 
friendship  and  intimacy,  which  was  never  broken  but  once,  and  then 
only  for  a  short  while.  During  the  Civil  War  Sigman  killed  young 
Higginbotham  in  Rockcastle  County.  Many  years  after  he  was 
arrested  in  Missouri  and  brought  to  Kentucky  for  trial.  Senator 
Bradley  was  employed  to  prosecute.  The  defendant  interposed  a  plea 
of  former  jeopardy,  and  upon  this  plea  Judge  Pearl  (who  had  left  the 
bench  many  years  before)  was  the  principal  witness  for  defendant. 
He  took  serious  exceptions  to  that  portion  of  Senator  Bradley's  argu- 
ment regarding  his  testimony. 

At  the  conclusion  of  the  speech  a  warm  friend  of  the  Senator 
rushed  over  to  the  Judge  and  exclaimed: 

"Warn't  that  a  great  speech?" 

The  Judge  responded : 

"Tolerable,  but  do  you  know  that  he  is  now  the  maddest  man  in 
this  court  house?" 

"No,"  replied  the  friend,  "what  is  he  mad  about?" 

"Because,"  said  the  Judge,  "every  man,  woman  and  child  in  the 
courtroom  have  not  crowded  around  him  and  told  him  that  was  the 
greatest  speech  ever  made  on  the  face  of  the  earth.' ' 

POLITENESS  PERSONFIED. 

A  very  polite  toper  of  Lancaster  called  for  a  drink,  and  the  bar 
keeper  handed  him  a  glass  of  liquor  with  several  dead  flies  floating 
on  the  top.  With  his  usual  politeness,  he  turned  to  the  bartender  and 
remarked : 

"My  friend,  I  know  you  will  pardon  me  when  I  request  that  you 
will  please  give  me  my  whiskey  in  one  glass  and  my  flies  in  another, 
so  that  I  may  mix  them  to  suit  myself." 

SPENCER  G.  DABNEY. 

Spencer  G.  Dabney  was  a  unique  character.  He  was  a  saddler 
by  trade  originally,  and  branched  out  as  a  drummer,  then  a  lawyer, 
then  a  drummer,  thence  back  again  to  a  saddler.  He  was  postmaster 
of  Jacksboro,  Tennessee,  while  Cleveland  was  President,  died  some 
years  ago,  and  is  buried  on  a  mountain  near  that  picturesque  little 
village. 

He  was  the  first  drummer  or  commercial  traveler  known 
in  Kentucky,  having  launched  into  that  business  more  than  fifty 
years  ago.  It  is  questionable  whether  in  many  respects  he  ever  had 
an  equal.    He  was  born  in  what  was  known  as  the  "Chitwood  Settle- 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  27 

ment"  in  Tennessee  many  years  ago,  but  spent  most  of  his  life  in  Ken- 
tucky. A  man  of  winning  manners,  musical  voice,  sparkling  wit, 
great  originality  and  imposing  person,  it  is  not  surprising  he  counted 
his  friends  by  the  scores.  Wherever  he  went  he  was  sought  after, 
and  many  of  the  older  residents  of  the  State  with  great  pride  and 
pleasure  recount  his  stories,  among  which  may  be  mentioned  the 
following. 

EQUAL  LOSERS. 

A  man  who  had  borrowed  money  from  Spencer  G.  Dabney  many 
times  and  never  repaid  it,  insisted  he  should  loan  him  ten  dollars 
more.  Dabney  informed  him  that  he  did  not  have  that  amount,  but 
this  only  seemed  to  make  the  fellow  more  persistent.  At  length  Dab- 
ney remarked: 

"You  say  you  must  have  ten  dollars?" 

"Yes,"  answered  the  man. 

Dabney  pulled  a  five  dollar  bill  from  his  pocket  and  handing 
it  to  him,  observed : 

"There,  take  that.     You  lose  $5,  and  I'll  lose  $5." 

HOW  A  SILK  HAT  SAVED  A  LIFE. 

Dabney  was  very  careful  in  his  dress,  always  wearing  a  spotless 
shirt  front,  a  suit  of  black  broadcloth,  polished  shoes  and  a  glossy 
silk  hat.  He  was  doubtless  the  only  living  man  who  would  have 
worn  such  clothes  through  the  mountainous  section  of  Kentucky 
without  incurring  the  contempt  of  the  people.  He  told  some  friends 
that  his  silk  hat  had  once  saved  his  life.    Said  he : 

"I  was  traveling  along  an  unfrequented  road  in  the  mountains 
when  I  heard  voices  in  the  brush  not  far  from  me;  I  reined  in  my 
horse  and  listened  to  the  conversation,  and  I  found  that  the  parties 
were  discussing  whether  or  not  they  should  murder  and  rob  me. 
One  of  the  number  said,  'That  man  is  bound  to  have  plenty  of  money. 
Just  look  at  his  hat.' 

"My  heart  was  in  my  mouth  in  an  instant,  but  you  may  well 
imagine  how  much  I  was  relieved,  when  another  said:     'Why,  boys, 

that's  the  best  sign  in  the  world  that  he  hain't  no  money,  the  d d 

fool  has  invested  the  last  cent  he  had  in  the  world  in  that  hat.'  This 
settled  it.  I  continued  my  journey  in  safety,  all  because  I  wore  that 
hat.  The  truth  is  that  the  man  was  almost  right ;  I  had  only  twenty- 
five  cents  in  my  pocket." 


28  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

THE  EFFECT  OF  CHANGE. 

He  took  great  pleasure  in  recounting  the  experiences  of  his 
boyhood  days  in  the  Tennessee  mountains,  always  dwelling  with 
sincere  affection  on  his  Uncle  Joe  and  Aunt  Polly,  who  took  charge 
of  him  at  the  death  of  his  parents,  when  he  was  only  three  years  of 
age,  and  reared  him  to  manhood. 

These  old  people,  he  said,  were  kind  hearted  and  generous,  but 
plain  and  unlettered.  Years  after  he  had  gone  from  them  and  become 
a  man  of  the  world,  he  returned  on  a  visit,  dressed  with  his  usual 
good  taste.  They  were  delighted  to  see  him,  but  plainly  evinced  their 
displeasure  on  account  of  his  dress  and  change  of  manner. 

When  he  sat  down  at  the  humble  board,  he  thanked  them  to 
hand  him  the  potatoes,  onions  and  molasses.  Seeing  that  they  did 
not  approve  of  his  correct  pronunciation  of  the  names  of  these  articles, 
he  concluded  to  humor  them  by  calling  for  each  of  them  the  second 
time.    So  he  said : 

"Aunt  Polly,  hand  me  the  ingurns." 

This  produced  a  faint  smile  on  Aunt  Polly's  face.  Turning  to  his 
uncle  he  asked  for  the  "taters,"  and  then  speaking  again  to  his  aunt, 
he  requested  that  the  "lasses"  should  be  passed  to  him.  The  old 
lady  was  overcome  with  pleasure  at  his  seeming  return  to  his  former 
self,  and  with  a  hearty  laugh,  said : 

"Now  Spencer,  you  begin  to  talk  natural  and  look  like  somebody." 

POLLY  MUGGINS'  FISH  TRAP. 

Many  years  ago  there  lived  in  Whitley  county,  Kentucky,  on 
the  Cumberland  river,  at  the  foot  of  the  mountain,  an  old  lady  who 
was  affectionately  called  "Aunt  Polly  Muggins."  She  kept  a  little 
tavern  which  was  a  model  of  neatness,  and  was  an  accomplished  cook. 
She  also  was  the  proprietor  of  a  fish  trap,  known  as  a  double  fish 
trap,  of  which  she  said :    "It  catches  em  er  comin'  or  gwine." 

Once  in  each  year  she  gave  a  fish  dinner  to  which  the  leading 
citizens  of  the  county  were  invited,  and  some  notable  from  a  distance 
was  always  induced  to  be  present  and  deliver  an  address.  In  the  late 
spring  or  early  summer  of  1855,  such  a  dinner  was  given,  and  Colonel 
Dabney  agreed  to  "orate." 

After  the  guests  had  been  seated  at  the  table  Uncle  Rashe  Creek- 
more  arose  and  presented  Colonel  Dabney,  who  spoke  as  follows : 

"When  the  traveler,  weary  and  worn,  is  descending  yonder  moun- 
tain his  heart  is  filled  with  joyous  anticipation,  for  he  knows  that  he 
is  soon  to  sit  down  and  rest  'neath  the  umbrageous  elms  of  Aunt 
Polly  Muggins."    (Applause.) 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  29 

"When  the  beaming  sun  is  pouring  its  rays  down  upon  suffering 
man  and  beast,  they,  from  the  mountain's  crest,  look  down  upon  the 
smiling  valleys  at  its  feet  and  gather  new  life  and  vigor,  for  they 
know  that  delightful  refreshment  is  not  far  away.  (Applause.)  Not 
more  grateful  is  the  oasis  in  the  desert  than  the  hospitable  home  of 
Aunt  Polly  Muggins,  nestled  among  the  trees  at  the  foot  of  the  moun- 
tains. Napoleon  won  great  victories  and  held  the  world  in  the  thrall- 
dom  of  combined  terror  and  admiration,  but  he  made  no  one  happy. 
Peace  hath  its  victories  no  less  than  war;  Aunt  Polly  Muggms  m 
peace  brings  happiness  to  starving  man  and  is,  in  truth,  'an  angel  of 
mercy.'  "  (Here,  Aunt  Polly,  who  weighed  340  pounds,  bowed  her 
sylph-like  figure  and  rewarded  the  orator  with  an  angelic  smile,  by 
reason  of  which  there  was  great  applause.) 

"We  are  met  here,  gentlemen,  to  partake  of  the  noble  woman's 
hospitality.  What  a  privilege!  We  come  not  to  pay  court  to  a 
monarch  with  the  padlock  of  slavery  fastened  upon  our  lips,  but  to 
o<¥er  sincere  gratitude  to  the  grandest  woman  in  Whitley  county— as 
freemen!  Free  to  act!  Free  to  speak!  Free  to  eat!  And  what  is 
better  still,  free  to  drink !  (Applause  and  cheers.)  If  I  were  standmg 
today  on  the  brink  of  the  grave  and  the  Lord  should  give  me  my 
choice  as  to  where  I  should  spend  eternity,  I  would  say,  'good-bye, 
heaven,  I  only  ask  to  live  forever  at  Polly  Muggins'  tavern.'  " 

At  this  point  Mrs.  Muggins  was  overcome  with  emotion  and  the 
tears  streamed  down  her  cheeks.  Seeing  that  it  was  necessary  to 
liven  up  the  boys,  he  concluded  as  follows: 

"And,  now,  gentlemen,  I  will  ask  you  to  rise  and  drink  the 
health  of  the  good  woman,  and  allow  me  to  wish  that  she  may  live 
for  a  thousand  years,  and  that  we  may  live  equally  as  long,  and  once  in 
each  year  may  assemble  to  re-enact  the  scenes  and  incidents  of  this 
glorious  day!"     (The  applause  was  now  deafening.) 

"At  this  juncture,"  said  the  Colonel,  who  was  telling  the  story, 
"after  the  drinks  were  taken— for  no  man  felt  free  to  act  until  this 
was  an  accomplished  fact,  lest  some  intervening  Providence  should 
separate  him  from  his  'mint  julep'— I  undertook  to  sit  down,  when 
Uncle  Rashe  Creekmore  arose  and,  straightening  his  six  feet  six,  said 
impressively : 

"  'Spencer,  my  boy,  you  are  the  finest  dressed  man  I  ever  saw.  I 
have  hearn  Clay  and  Crittenden  and  Marshall.'  By  this  time  I  was 
swollen  to  the  size  of  two  ordinary  men  and  never  felt  so  happy  in 
all  my  life.  'But  you  need  only  one  thing  to  make  you  a  greater 
speaker  than  all  of  them,'  he  continued. 
The  crowd  demanded  in  one  voice : 


30  Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

"  'What's  that.  Uncle  Rashe?' 

Then  the  paralyzing  answer  came : 

"  'Idees,  Spencer,  idees.' 

"A  punctured  balloon  never  collapsed  more  completely  or  sud- 
denly than  I  did,  and  from  that  good  hour  to  this,  I  have  never  at- 
tempted to  make  a  speech,"  said  Dabney. 

PERSONATES  GOVERNOR  WISE. 

This  is  another  one  of  his  stories  which,  like  nearly  all  the  others, 
was  told  at  his  own  expense : 

Whilst  Wise  was  Governor  of  Virginia,  there  lived  a  gentleman 
by  the  name  of  Lucas,  in  Jamestown,  Kentucky,  who  was  a  hotel 
keeper,  a  politician  and  an  extravagant  admirer  of  the  Governor.  I 
was  on  my  first  visit  to  the  little  town,  but  had  heard  of  Lucas'  weak- 
ness. I  rode  up,  dressed  in  a  suit  of  broad  cloth  and  a  shiny  silk  hat. 
Lucas  at  once  thought  that  a  gentleman  of  quality  had  arrived  and 
hastened  to  assist  me  to  dismount.  I  bowed  right  and  left  with  great 
dignity  to  the  little  knot  of  men  present,  walked  into  the  office  and 
registered  my  name  as  "Governor  Wise,  Virginia." 

When  Lucas  saw  the  name  his  pleasure  had  no  bounds ;  he  almost 
screamed  with  delight  and  came  near  wringing  off  my  hand ;  he  called 
in  the  crowd  and  introduced  each  one  to  me  as  his  friend  Governor 
Wise,  of  Virginia,  and  then  rushed  frantically  away  to  inform  his 
good  wife  of  the  distinguished  arrival.  At  once  everything  was  in  a 
hubbub  of  subdued  excitement,  as  the  worthy  lady  commenced  prep- 
aration for  dinner.  Necessarily  there  was  considerable  delay.  The 
best  tableware  was  borrowed  from  residents  of  the  town,  and  such 
another  dinner  has  rarely  been  seen.  I  was  sitting  near  the  open  door 
of  the  dining  room  watching  the  preparations.  I  saw  one  steaming 
dish  after  another  placed  on  the  table,  which  fairly  groaned  with  its 
heavy  burden. 

Finally  the  good  lady  took  her  seat  at  the  head  of  the  table  with 
the  perspiration  streaming  down  her  face  and  with  an  air  of  exulting 
triumph  said  to  the  waiter : — "Now,  let  him  come."  And  come  I  did, 
never  enjoying  any  dinner  before  or  since  as  I  did  that  one. 

But  when  I  made  my  identity  known,  it  took  three  men  to  pre- 
vent Lucas  from  taking  my  life.  I  was  compelled  to  leave  town  in  a 
more  hurried  than  dignified  manner,  and  I  did  not  dare  to  return 
until  more  than  a  year  afterward,  Lucas  in  the  meanwhile  having 
come  to  the  conclusion  that  it  was  all  a  good  joke. 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  31 

NOVEL  PLEA  OF  SELF   DEFENSE. 

Josh  Dye  was  one  of  the  celebrities  of  Lincohi  county.  He 
professed  to  be,  and  really  thought  he  actually  was,  gifted  with  great 
legal  ability.  Time  and  again  he  attempted  to  get  a  license  to  practice 
law,  but  was  on  each  occasion  grievously  disappointed.  He  went  to 
his  grave  believing  that  the  jealousy  of  the  local  attorneys  alone  had 
prevented  him  from  obtaining  a  license. 

Having  been  indicted  for  disturbing  religious  worship,  he  de- 
manded the  privilege  of  defending  himself,  which,  of  course,  was 
readily  granted.  In  addition,  he  claimed  the  right  to  select  the  prose- 
cuting attorney.  He  seriously  objected  to  Commonwealth's  Attorney 
Denny  prosecuting  him,  and  insisted  on  being  prosecuted  by  "the 
Hocker  children,  one  or  both."  (Two  young  and  deserving  lawyers 
of  the  local  bar.)  This,  which  he  contended  was  a  constitutional 
right,  being  denied  him,  he  gravely  entered  an  exception  and  the 
trial  proceeded. 

The  witnesses  for  the  Commonwealth  stated  that  while  a  protract- 
ed meeting  was  being  carried  on  out  in  the  country,  a  large  crowd  being- 
present,  great  religious  excitement  prevailing  and  many  persons  hav- 
ing gone  forward  to  the  altar  to  be  prayed  for,  Dye,  who  was  very 
drunk,  climbed  upon  a  stove  and  knocked  the  pipe  down  upon  the 
heads  of  the  "mourners,"  which  substantially  broke  up  the  meeting. 
Dye  disdainfully  declined  to  cross-examine,  called  Brother  Cook,  the 
local  preacher,  to  the  witness  stand  and  proceeded  to  interrogate 
him  as  follows: 

"Brother  Cook,  did  you  see  me  at  worship  on  the  night  spoke 
of?" 

Brother  Cook.    "I  did." 

Dye.    "Were  I  or  were  I  not  a  mourner  at  that  time?" 

Cook  responded,  "No,  but  you  were  drunk." 

"How  did  you  know  I  were  drunk?"  asked  Dye. 

Cook  answered,  "I  could  tell  it  from  your  appearance." 

"Now,  Brother  Cook,"  said  Dye,  "do  you  mean  to  say  that  you 
can  tell  from  a  mourner's  looks,  whether  he  is  drunk  on  liquor  or 
drunk  on  religion?" 

Cook  sententiously  responded,  "You  were  drunk  on  whiskey." 

Dye  sat  despairingly  for  a  moment  and  then  said :  "Brother 
Cook,  I  will  ask  you  one  more  question.  Did  I,  or  did  I  not,  jump  off 
the  stove  to  prevent  being  crushed  to  death  by  the  mourners,  and 
were  I  or  not  a  actin'  in  self  defense?" 


32  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

After  the  cessation  of  merriment  and  confusion  in  the  court 
room  attending  this  question,  Brother  Cook  responded,  "No,"  when 
Dye  surrendered  all  hope  of  escape  and  submitted  the  case  to  the  jury. 

THE  LAUGH  TURNED. 

When  Senator  Bradley  was  running  for  Governor  in  18S7  he  made 
a  speech  at  Chinquapin  Rough,  in  Jackson  County.  The  meeting  was 
held  in  a  grove,  and  the  horses  and  mules  were  hitched  in  and  about 
its  vicinity.  While  the  Senator  was  speaking  a  large  mule  with  tre- 
mendous lungs  commenced  braying.  This  produced  great  merriment 
at  the  Senator's  expense  on  the  part  of  the  Democrats  in  the  audience. 
The  Senator,  catching  the  spirit  of  the  joke,  remarked : 

"There  it  is,  again,  I  never  can  speak  without  being  interrupted 
by  some  Democrat." 

A  BACKWOODS  LAWYER. 

Judge  M.  C.  Saufley  is  authority  for  the  following: 

Charles  L.  Higginbotham  was  a  noted  and  unique  character  of 
Wayne  county.  He  had  held  the  offices  of  constable  and  justice  of 
the  peace,  and,  after  having  established  a  local  reputation  in  the 
discharge  of  his  duties,  he  conceived  the  idea  that  he  was  born  to 
a  higher  destiny.  He  applied  for  a  license  to  practice  law,  and  ob- 
tained it,  more  by  the  grace  of  the  judge  of  the  circuit  court  than 
by  the  merit  of  any  attainment  in  the  science.  His  personality  was 
striking ;  a  man  of  low  stature,  with  immense  head,  face  and  stomach, 
small  legs,  protruding  eyes  and,  withal,  a  deep,  bass  voice  which  did 
not  have  to  be  lifted  up  to  be  audible. 

At  the  first  term  of  the  circuit  court  after  he  had  obtained  his 
license,  Judge  Wheat  in  calling  the  Commonwealth  docket,  called, 
"The  Commonwealth  of  Kentucky  v.  Charley  Bell,  Indictment  for 
tippling." 

Higginbotham  deliberately  arose  from  an  elevated  back  seat 
in  the  court  room,  his  constable's  saddle-bags  in  which  he  "kept  his 
office,"  across  his  shoulders,  and,  beckoning  toward  the  Judge  with 
his  isidex  finger,  said,  in  a  deep  tone : 

"Jedge,  I  move  to  throw  her  overboard!" 

Judge  Wheat,  a  kindly  and  benevolent  old  gentleman,  raised  his 
spectacles,  looked  over  the  assembled  crowd,  recognized  the  speaker 
a-ad  said : 

"Come  within  the  bar,  Mr.  Higginbotham,  and  make  your  motion 
known  to  the  court !" 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  33 

Higginbotham  hustled  down  from  his  perch,  threaded  his  way- 
through  the  crowd,  and  stood  before  the  Judge.     Said  the  Judge : 
"What  is  your  motion,  Mr.  Higginbotham." 
"I  move  to  throw  her  overboard,"  responded  Higginbotham. 
"What  is  the  ground  of  that  motion?"  said  the  Judge. 
"The  defendant,  Charles  Bell,  is  a  poor  man;  he's  half  blind; 
he's  got  a  large  family  of  children  and  no  sustainance,"  answered 
Higginbotham. 

"I  demur  to  that  motion,"  said  the  Commonwealth's  Attorney. 
"The  demurer  is  overruled,  the  motion  is  sustained,  the  indict- 
ment is  thrown  overboard,"  ruled  the  Judge  entering  into  the  hvmior 
of  the  situation. 

"I  thank  the  court  for  its  wisdom  and  justice,"  responded  Higgin- 
botham very  gravely  and  bowing  profoundly,  totally  unconscious  that 
there  was  the  slightest  element  of  a  joke  entering  into  the  victory 
he  had  achieved. 

Higginbotham  had  not  been  offering  his  services  to  litigants 
very  long  before  he  discovered  the  need  of  a  book  which  was  not  to 
be  found  in  the  library  of  any  of  the  local  lawyers.  The  bright  idea 
struck  him  that  if  he  could  procure  this  ideal  book,  it  would  save  him 
the  trouble  of  much  reading — an  exercise  to  which  he  was  wholly 
unused — and,  besides,  relieve  him  of  that  doubt  and  anxiety  as  to 
results  which  keep  the  best  lawyers  awake  all  night.  He  was  cer- 
tainly not  wanting  in  the  constructive  faculty,  and  pondering  the 
matter  awhile,  he  wrote  a  letter  to  the  Public  Printer,  of  which  the 
following  is  a  precise  copy,  save  the  spelling,  punctuation  and 
chirography,  which,  unhappily,  cannot  be  reproduced : 

"Monticello,  Kentucky, 

September  15th, 

A.  G.  Hodges,  State  Printer, 

Frankfort,  Ky. 
Dear  Sir: — 

I  want  you  to  print  me  a  book  that  contains  all  the  laws  of  the 
United  States  and  each  State  thereof.  I  want  it  to  contain  the  forms 
of  a  petition  in  equity,  a  petition  in  law,  all  the  motions  and  demur- 
rers, and  the  answers  that  would  be  proper  thereto,  the  argument  of 
counsel  and  the  evidence,  being  so  and  so,  and  the  probable  verdict 
of  the  jury.  I  think  if  you  would  print  such  a  book  you  could  sell 
several  of  them  in  this  town.  I  would  take  one,  Sherrod  Williams 
would  take  one,  Shelby  Stone  would  take  one,  Jeems  Chrisman  would 
take  one,  and  the  Van  Winkles  would  need  one  each. 

Yours  respectfully,  CHARLES  HIGGINBOTHAM." 


34  Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

PUNISHMENT  FOR  CONTEMPT. 

A  most  amusing  incident  transpired  in  the  second  division  of 
the  Common  Pleas  Branch,  Jefferson  circuit  court,  Judge  Gordon 
presiding. 

The  Judge  is  one  of  the  mildest,  best  natured  men  in  the  world, 
with  a  full  sufficiency  of  judicial  ability  and  old  fashioned  backbone. 
He  is  a  large,  muscular  man  and  when  aroused  is,  to  use  the  language 
of  Bill  Arp,  "a  awkward  man  in  a  row." 

A  case  was  pending  in  his  court  in  which  Dr.  Wathen,  an  em- 
inent physician  and  surgeon,  was  a  witness.  The  doctor  was  a  rapid 
talker  and  insisted  on  making  statements  that  were  incompetent.  The 
Judge  repeatedly  called  him  to  order  and  at  length  administered  a 
severe  rebuke.  This  offended  the  doctor  seriously.  A  short  while 
after,  he  met  the  Judge  on  the  street  and  said  to  him  that  he  did  not 
relish  the  treatment,  and  asked  the  Judge  whether  or  not  he  would  be 
sent  to  jail  if  he  resented  it. 

"No,"  said  the  Judge,  "by  no  means,  but  I  think  it  my  duty  to 
tell  you  that  you  will  certainly  be  sent  to  the  hospital." 

FRANK  BUT   INGENIOUS   ARGUMENT. 

John  B had  been  Commonwealth's  Attorney  of  the 

District  of  Kentucky.  After  the  expiration  of  his  term  he  was  em- 
ployed to  defend  a  man  for  murder,  whereupon  he  interposed  the  plea 
of  insanity.  John  had  made  a  reasonably  good  attorney,  but  had 
never  succeeded  in  "setting  the  world  on  fire."  No  one  knew  his 
inability  in  many  respects  better  than  he,  and  he  was  smart  enough 
to  know  that  it  was  generally  known.  In  making  his  argument  he 
said  to  the  jury  : 

"Gentlemen,  this  man  is  crazy  beyond  a  reasonable  doubt.  Two 
circumstances  clearly  establish  this,  leaving  out  all  the  other  proof 
in  the  case.  In  the  first  place  it  is  shown  beyond  all  doubt  that  his 
father  was  crazy  for  many  years  and  died  crazy,  and  in  the  second 
place  the  fact  that  he  has  employed  me  proves  that  he  has  no  sense 
and  is  wholly  irresponsible." 

TAKING  TIME  BY  THE  FORELOCK. 

Bill  Hudson  was  a  negro  floater  who  always  sold  his  vote.  He 
would  sell  it  in  all  sorts  of  ways  and  to  all  sorts  of  people,  frequently 
to  contending  candidates,  and,  consequently,  was  the  cause  of  many 
rows  in  Lancaster.  During  the  latter  part  of  the  campaign  for  Judge 
and  Commonwealth's  Attorney  in  the  year  1886,  he  went  about  the 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  35 

Streets  with  tearful  face  and  broken  voice,  begging  for  money  to 
bury  his  poor  old  mother.    In  this  way  he  procured  quite  a  little  sum. 

After  the  election  was  over  one  of  the  gentlemen  who  had  con- 
tributed liberally  because  of  the  fact  that  his  brother-in-law  was  a 
candidate  for  Judge,  incidentally  heard  some  one  speak  of  having 
seen  Bill's  mother  the  day  before.  This  information  caused  him  to 
lose  his  temper  and  he  vowed  within  himself  the  first  time  he  saw 
Bill  to  give  him  a  good  threshing. 

A  few  days  thereafter  he  met  Bill  and  demanded  of  him  to  know 
why  he  had  obtained  this  money  under  false  pretenses,  telling  him 
he  had  heard  a  short  while  before  that  his  mother  was  alive,  although 
he  had  represented  immediately  preceding  the  election  that  she  was 
dead.    Bill  turned  and  looking  him  full  in  the  face,  said : 

"I  didn't  say  Mammy  was  dead." 

Then  said  the  gentleman :  "Did  you  want  the  money  to  bury  her 
alive?" 

"Now,  boss,"  said  Bill,  "doan  you  go  to  gittin  rickliss.  Jes  lisen 
to  me  a  minit.  Now,  boss,  you  know  life  is  uncertain,  and  so  do  I. 
How  could  I  tell  when  mammy  mite  die.  She  was  ole  and  was  lible 
to  die  at  any  minit.  I  know'd  this,  and  I  went  to  work  to  get  ther 
money  so's  if  she  happen'd  ter  die  I  wud  have  ther  money  reddy  ter 
bury  her  widoud  stoppin  my  mournin  ter  run  round  ther  town  an 
beg  fur  it." 

The  explanation  was  necessarily  sufficient. 

A  REASONABLE  DOUBT. 

Judge  W presided  many  years  in  the  Harrodsburg  dis- 
trict. He  told,  as  only  he  could  tell,  his  experience  in  a  murder  trial 
at  Lawrenceburg,  as  follov/s  : 

Three  men  were  indicted  for  murder,  one  who  fired  the  shot 
and  the  others  as  being  present,  aiding,  counseling  and  assisting  in 
the  commission  of  the  crime.  The  proof  was  conclusive,  and  I 
instructed  the  jury  that  if  they  believed  from  the  evidence,  beyond  a 
reasonable  doubt,  that  the  two  who  did  not  shoot  were  present,  aiding, 
counseling  and  advising,  they  were  equally  guilty  with  the  defendant 
who  fired  the  fatal  shot.  To  my  profound  astonishment  the  jury 
hung,  as  to  the  two  who  didn't  shoot,  and  being  informed  that  an 
honest  old  blacksmith  had  hung  the  jury,  I  asked  him  what  was  his 
reason.    Said  he : 

"  'Judge,  did  you  not  tell  us  if  we  had  a  reasonable  doubt,  we 
should  acquit?' 


36  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"Yes,"  said  I,  "but  you  could  not  have  had  a  reasonable  doubt, 
the  evidence  was  plain  and  uncontradicted  that  they  were  present, 
aiding,  abetting  and  counseling  the  commission  of  the  crime." 

Whispering  to  me  very  confidentially,  he  said : 

"That's  so.  Judge,  but  I  had  a  reasonable  doubt  whether  you  had 
correctly  given  us  the  law,  and  for  that  reason  I  did  not  agree." 

JUDGE  CRADDOCK. 

Judge  George  M.  Craddock  resided  in  Frankfort  for  many  years, 
and  was  held  in  high  esteem  for  his  sterling  character,  legal  acumen 
and  political  sagacity.  He  was  very  slow,  deliberate  and  tedious  in 
speech,  in  consequence  of  which  he  was  the  target  for  much  amuse- 
ment. Nevertheless,  he  said  many  witty  things  that  will  not  soon 
be  forgotten. 

AN  AMUSING  RETORT. 

Circuit  court  at  Frankfort  had  concluded  its  labors  and  the 
members  of  the  bar  were  having  a  jollification.  Judge  Thomas  Lind- 
sey  was  celebrated  for  always  moving  for  a  new  trial  and  praying  an 
appeal  if  unsuccessful,  and,  be  it  said  to  his  credit,  was  most  generally 
successful  in  reversing  the  judgment. 

In  speaking  of  Judge  Craddock,  he  said: 

"George,  the  Lord  will  convict  you  on  Judgment  Day  before 
you  state  your  case,  much  less  before  you  argue  it." 

"Yes,"  retorted  Craddock,  "and  what  will  you  do.  When  judg- 
ment of  condemnation  is  rendered  against  you,  you  will  file  grounds 
and  make  a  motion  for  a  new  trial,  and  when  overruled,  you  will 
attempt  to  prosecute  and  appeal  to  a  higher  court,  but  for  once  you 
will  be  disappointed,  and  that  disappointment  will  be  more  severe  to 
you  than  all  the  other  punishment  you  will  receive." 

I  ACKNOWLEDGE  THE  SERVICE. 

Although  Judge  Craddock  was  a  man  of  considerable  wealth  he 
preferred  to  have  an  officer's  receipt  for  all  he  owed,  and  rarely  paid 
without  being  sued.  In  consequence  of  this  peculiarity  he  was  fre- 
quently served  with  process,  which,  however,  never  angered  him. 
Walking  along  the  pavement  he  passed  over  one  side  of  a  large  hogs- 
head hoop,  but,  when  he  reached  the  opposite  side,  he  stepped  on  it, 
and  it  flew  up  behind  him  and  hit  him  on  the  shoulders.  With 
perfect  politeness  he  turned  his  head  to  one  side,  and  said : 

"I  acknowledge  the  service,"  mistaking  the  stroke  for  the  familiar 
hand  of  the  constable. 


Stories  of  IVilliarn  O.  Bradley.  37 

THE  JUDGES  PROTECTING  THEMSELVES. 

Judge  Craddock  went  before  the  Court  of  Appeals  to  argue  a 
criminal  case.  The  Court  consisted  of  four  judges  on  the  bench,  and 
noting  one  of  them  absent,  he  turned  to  Judge  Hardin,  and  asked 
where  Judge  Pryor  was.  Being  informed  he  had  left  the  city,  Judge 
Craddock  became  very  angry,  saying  his  conduct  was  an  outrage,  in 
view  of  the  fact  that  his  client's  case,  involving  his  life,  was  to  be 
argued  that  morning;  and,  consequently,  the  Judge  should  have  re- 
mained. After  his  passion  had  cooled.  Judge  Hardin  turned  to  him 
and  kindly  said : 

"Now,  Judge,  you  know  Judge  Pryor  is  in  delicate  health ;  be- 
sides, you  know  the  weather  is  exceedingly  hot;  how  can  you  blame 
him  for  protecting  himself — possibly  for  saving  his  life,  by  escaping 
the  infliction  upon  him  of  an  argument  by  you?" 

ENTHUSIASTIC  DEMOCRATS. 

After  Cleveland's  election  to  the  Presidency,  a  number  of  en- 
thusiastic Democrats  of  Frankfort,  procured  a  brass  band,  loaded  up 
with  various  drinks  and  went  out  to  serenade  the  Democratic  leaders. 
Judge  Craddock's  house  was  the  last  they  visited,  and  when  they 
reached  it  they  were  in  an  uproarious  condition.  The  Judge  appeared 
on  the  porch  and  made  several  attempts  to  speak,  but  on  each  occasion, 
his  voice  was  drowned  by  the  excited  crowd.  This  enraged  him,  and 
finally,  when  they  had  partially  quieted  down,  he  addressed  them : 

"Fellow  citizens.  Democrats,  hoodlums  and  sons  of  guns,  I  bid 
you  good  night." 

STINGING  REBUKE. 

Senator  Thomas  C.  McCreery  was  addressing  an  audience  in 
Lexington,  Ky.,  many  years  ago  when  a  drunken  ruffian  persisted 
in  interrupting  him.    Finally  he  remarked: 

"There  lives  in  my  county  a  splendid  specimen  of  manhood  by 
the  name  of  Benny  Jones,  who,  though  eighty  years  old,  walks  erect 
as  a  boy,  and  who  is  known  far  and  wide  as  'Sugar  Jones.'  Ever 
since  he  reached  man's  estate  he  has  attended  all  the  political  speak- 
ings in  the  vicinage,  and  during  all  that  time  was  never  known  to 
interrupt  a  public  speaker.  The  consequence  is  he  is  esteemed  by  all 
who  know  him  as  a  perfect  gentleman.  I  trust  the  man  who  is  in- 
terrupting me  so  continually  may  profit  by  his  example." 


38  Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

A  GRATEFUL  GOVERNOR. 

While  Senator  Bradley  was  Governor  of  Kentucky,  Colonel  John 
K.  Hendricks,  of  Western  Kentucky,  (ex-member  of  House  of 
Congress),  rushed  into  his  office  and  excitedly  told  him  that  he  had 
just  been  compelled  to  kill  a  man  in  front  of  the  Capitol,  and  wanted 
a  pardon. 

The  Governor,  who  was  exceedingly  fond  of  the  Colonel,  ex- 
citedly inquired  what  on  earth  had  made  him  take  human  life. 

"Well,"  said  the  Colonel,  "I  walked  up  the  pavement  in  front  of 
the  Capitol,  behaving  myself  with  perfect  propriety,  without  any 
malice  in  my  heart,  not  supposing  that  there  was  any  man  on 
earth  who  had  anything  against  me,  when  the  deceased  in  a  most 
provoking  and  malicious  manner  said  to  me:  'How  are  you,  Gov- 
ernor?' Of  course  I  could  not  brook  such  an  insult  and  shot  him 
dead,  and  now  I  ask  you  to  pardon  me." 

"Certainly,"  said  the  Governor,  "I  will  pardon  you  with  pleasure, 
for  your  prompt  action  has  prevented  me  from  killing  this  man  my- 
self." 

EVERY  MAN  ENTITLED  TO  COUNSEL. 

Judge  McManama  ordered  a  prisoner  to  stand  up  that  he  might 
be  sentenced.    With  fierce  countenance  and  harsh  voice  he  said: 

"John  Jones,  you  have  been  indicted  by  the  grand  jury  of  Grant 

county  for  grand  larceny.     You  have  been  defended  by  Bob , 

a  very  clever  man,  but  a  very  poor  lawyer ;  a  jury  of  our  countrymen, 
after  hearing  the  evidence,  have  found  you  guilty,  and  fixed  your 
punishment  at  two  years'  confinement  in  the  State  penitentiary.  Have 
you  any  reason  to  urge  why  sentence  of  the  Court  should  not  be  pro- 
nounced against  you?" 

Jones  stood  in  stolid  silence.    Continuing  Judge  McManama  said : 

"It  is  now  the  judgment  of  the  court  that  you  be  taken  hence 
by  the  jailer  of  Grant  county,  and  by  him  delivered  to  the  sheriff 
of  Grant  county,  and  by  him  released  from  custody,  because  you  were 
denied  your  constitutional  privilege  of  being  heard  either  by  yourself 
or  counsel." 

"LARNED^'  HIM  TOO  MUCH. 

Judge  Thomas  Z.  Morrow  was  one  of  the  State's  foremost  jurists, 
lawyers  and  orators.  He  was  the  brother-in-law  of  Senator  Bradley, 
and  when  the  latter  was  a  small  boy,  instructed  him  in  the  art  of 
speaking.  Long  after  when  the  Senator  became  a  practicing  attorney 
and  was  opposed  to  the  Judge  in  the  trial  of  cases,  the  Judge  would 
tell  the  jury  how  he  taught  him  to  speak,  etc.     Finally  the  Senator 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  39 

concluded  to  anticipate  the  Judge  who  had  the  concluding  speech,  by 
telling  the  jury  he  had  taught  him  how  to  speak. 

The  case  was  on  trial  in  the  Rockcastle  circuit  court  and  Asliley 
Owens,  who  believed  the  Judge  to  be  the  greatest  man  alive,  which 
fact,  however,  was  unknown  at  the  time  to  Senator  Bradley,  was  the 
foreman  of  the  jury.  Senator  Bradley  told,  with  evident  relish,  how 
he  had  taught  the  Judge  to  speak.  He  was  followed  by  the  Judge 
in  a  powerful  argument,  which  resulted  in  a  verdict  for  his  client  for 
the  full  amount  claimed. 

After  the  discharge  of  the  jury  the  old  foreman  called  Senator 
Bradley  into  an  adjoining  room  and  with  deep  solemnity  said : 

"Bill,  did  I  understand  you  to  say  that  you  larn't  Tom  how  to 
speak?" 

Being  answered  in  the  affirmative,  he  slowly  shook  his  head, 
remarking : 

"Well,  Bill,  you  overdone  the  job,  and  my  advice  is  that  the  next 
time  you  larn  a  man  to  speak,  you  must  not  larn  him  so  darned  much." 

USED  THE  WRONG  WORD. 

Judge  V practiced  law  in  the  Pulaski  circuit  court.     He 

was  an  able  lawyer,  but  given  to  the  use  of  words,  at  times,  incom- 
prehensible to  the  ordinary  juror.    Judge  M had  instituted  an 

action  for  the  recovery  of  a  large  number  of  hogs.    Judge  V 

represented  the  defendant,  and,  in  closing  his  argument,  reminded  the 
jury  that  there  was  no  adminicular  testimony  in  the  case.  Judge 
M in  response,  said : 

"Gentlemen,  there  is  no  necessity  for  me  to  enter  into  a  lengthy 
argument  after  my  distinguished  friend  has  admitted  that  there  is 
no  "adminicular"  testimony  in  the  case.  I  quite  agree  with  him.  Ad- 
minicular testimony,  gentlemen,  means  testimony  which  establishes 
the  defendant's  claim.  The  gentleman  having  admitted  that  there  is 
no  testimony  establishing  the  claim  of  his  client,  all  that  is  left  for 
you  to  do  is  to  return  a  verdict  for  the  plaintiff  for  all  the  hogs 
claimed." 

This  short  speech  was  made  with  great  seriousness  and  seeming 
confidence,  so  much  so,  that  the  jury  believed  it  to  be  true  and  prompt- 
ly returned  a  verdict  for  the  plaintiff  as  suggested. 

NOVEL  METHOD  OF  GAUGING  WHISKEY. 

Shortly  after  the  Civil  War,  Judge  Owsley  was  the  Common- 
wealth's Attorney  of  the  Eighth  District,  and  was  a  politician  of  great 
power.     In  those  days  there  was  little  law  business  being  done,  and 


40  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

Judge  Morrow  had  now  and  then  for  some  time  been  employed  in 
gauging  whiskey  for  the  Government.  In  a  joint  political  debate, 
Judge  Owsley  referred  to  this  fact,  claiming  that  Judge  Morrow  was 
a  Republican  because  of  the  fact  that  he  held  a  government  office. 

Judge  Owsley,  while  an  exceedingly  amiable  and  bright  man, 
sometimes  partook  too  freely  of  the  flowing  bowl.  Judge  Morrow,  in 
responding,  admitted  that  he  had  been  engaged  for  a  time  in  the 
service  of  the  government  and  thanked  the  Judge  for  lightening  his 
burdens.     Said  he: 

"After  the  Judge  has  been  in  attendance  on  the  court  for  as 
much  as  three  days,  it  is  not  necessary  that  I  should  visit  the  various 
distilleries  in  order  to  obtain  the  proof  of  the  different  whiskies  in  the 
county.  I  simply  run  my  instrument  down  his  throat  and  pull  it 
out  and  examine  it,  write  down  'Smith  Cains,  120  proof.'  I  then 
again  perform  the  operation  inserting  the  instrument  a  little  deeper 
and  drawing  it  out  and  writing  down,  'Hugh  McBeath,  116  proof; 
and  by  repeating  this  operation  I  am  enabled  to  know  the  proof  of 
all  the  whiskey  manufactured  in  the  county." 

AN  INQUIRING  FEMALE. 

While  Judge  Morrow  was  presiding  as  judge  of  the  Rockcastle 
circuit  court,  a  woman  witness  insisted,  as  is  quite  common,  on 
detailing  incompetent  evidence.  Of  course  the  attorneys  would  object, 
and  the  court  would  be  compelled  to  stop  her.  Evidently  she  had 
never  been  in  court  before.  She  knew  the  lawyers,  but  did  not  know 
the  Judge.  Finally  she  lost  her  patience  with  the  Judge,  and  turning 
toward  him,  inquired: 

"Old  man,  who  are  you,  and  what's  this  your  business,  anyhow?" 

APPEAL  FOR  SILENCE. 

In  the  town  of  Stanford  was  an  attorney  who  was  blessed  with 
powerful  lungs,  and  a  voice  like  a  fog  horn.  Judge  Morrow  narrates 
that  while  holding  court  in  that  town,  John  Robinson's  circus  came 
to  give  a  performance.  At  ten  o'clock  A.  M.,  just  after  the  parade 
started  through  the  streets  and  while  the  attorney  mentioned  was 
speaking  in  a  loud  voice,  Robinson  came  into  the  court,  made  a  bow 
to  the  Judge,  and  asked  him  if  he  would  allow  him  to  say  a  word. 
The  court  having  granted  such  permission,  he  addressed  his  honor: 

"May  it  please  the  court,  I  will  thank  you  to  stop  the  gentleman 
from  speaking  until  the  parade  passes  through  the  town,  so  that  the 
people  may  hear  my  calliope," 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  41 

FUNDAMENTAL  ABSORPTION. 

Immediately  preceding  the  Civil  War,  there  were  a  number  of 
distinguished  graduates  of  Centre  College,  who  for  the  first  time 
went  upon  the  hustings.  Among  them  were  Breckinridge,  Brown, 
Green,  Morrow,  Hardin  and  others.  The  latter  two  named  were  pitted 
against  each  other,  one  favoring  Breckinridge  and  the  other  favoring 
Douglas,  for  President.  They  had  a  joint  debate  in  the  town  of 
Lancaster. 

Hardin  contended  that  he  did  not  understand  Morrow's  position 
regarding  certain  matters  and  insisted  that  he  should  make  himself 
understood.  Morrow  responded  that  he  had  used  ordinarily  plain 
English,  and  had  expressed  himself  in  the  clearest  possible  way. 
Hardin  still  contended  that  he  did  not  understand  him. 

"Then,"  said  Morrow,  "it  is  useless  for  me  to  talk  further.  I  will 
write  it  out  on  a  piece  of  paper  and  let  the  gentleman  sit  down  on  it, 
and  take  it  in  by  fundamental  absorption." 

THIRTEEN  MEN  NECESSARY  TO  CONVICT  AN 
INNOCENT  MAN. 

Whilst  Morrow  was  on  the  bench  in  Boyle  county,  a  jury  con- 
victed a  negro  of  high  character  of  a  penitentiary  offense,  merely,  as 
Judge  Morrow  thought,  because  he  was  a  negro  and  not  because  of 
the  testimony.  In  passing  on  the  motion  for  a  new  trial,  Judge 
Morrow  said: 

"There  is  no  evidence  in  this  case  to  justify  a  conviction.  The 
verdict  is  therefore  set  aside.  I  want  it  understood  that  it  takes 
thirteen  men  to  send  an  innocent  man  to  the  penitentiary  in  this  court." 

OPPOSED  TO  ACCIDENT  INSURANCE. 

Judge  Morrow  was  the  Republican  candidate  for  Governor  of 
Kentucky  in  1883  against  Hon.  J.  Proctor  Knott,  Democrat.  The 
Democratic  majority  in  the  State  wa-s  very  great,  and  Morrow's  elec- 
tion would  have  been  but  little  less  than  marvelous. 

During  the  campaign  an  agent  insisted  that  Morrow  should  take 
out  a  policy  against  accidents.  With  a  merry  twinkle  in  his  eye,  the 
Judge  remarked: 

"My  dear  young  friend,  I  can  not  take  any  such  policy  at  this 
time.  The  last  thing  I  want  to  insure  against  is  an  accident,  for  in 
that  way  alone  can  I  be  elected.^' 


42  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

REMARKABLE  LOVE  LETTER. 

Many  years  ago  Senator  Bradley  was  one  of  the  attorneys  in  a 
case  wherein  Warren  sued  Gentry  in  the  Rockcastle  circuit  court  for 
slander,  because  of  the  fact  that  Gentry's  wife  had  accused  Warren 
of  poisoning-  his  wife.  The  defendant  pleaded  justification,  and,  among 
other  evidence  introduced  to  show  that  Warren  was  guilty,  was  the 
testimony  of  a  young  lady,  that  Warren,  a  short  time  before  his 
wife's  death,  had  proposed  in  a  letter  to  have  her  run  away  with 
him.    She  produced  the  letter,  in  evidence,  as  follows : 

"Oct.  12,  1874. 

Pine  Hill,  Rockcastle  Co.,  Ky., 

Nancie  jain.  I  am  a  goin  to  rite  yu  wun  time  moar  to  let  yu  kno  that 
I  hain't  fergot  yu  and  I  hope  yu  hain't  fergot  me,  mi  deer,  I  think 
about  yu  moar  and  moar.  I  am  sorrie  to  think  that  yu  have  treat  me 
so,  mi  darlin.  It  greifs  mi  hart  to  think  that  yu  wood  beleve  uther 
pepie  befoar  yu  will  beleve  me.  I  have  bin  a  fren  to  yu  awl  of  mi 
life  and  alwase  told  yu  how  to  do  an  I  am  going  to  tri  yore  fath  wun 
time  moar,  mi  deer. 

I  luv  yu  mi  darlin  stil  and  i  never  shal  hait  yu  but  thar  is  wun 
thing  that  i  hait,  mi  deer  to  think  that  you  hav  treat  me  so  an  i  am 
goin  to  ax  yu  to  rite  me  unst  an  tel  me  xAwxi  yu  hav  hered  if  yu  plese 
honie.  ef  yu  hav  hered  whut  I  hav  hered  yu  have  hered  yu  hav  hered 
a  ly,  i  doant  keer  who  told  yu,  mi  darlin,  and  i  want  yu  to  speek  to 
me  mi  honie  wharever  yu  se  me  let  it  be  nite  or  da. 
Ef  yu  luv  me  i  no  that  yu  cant  hait  me.  Now  ef  yu  want  to  gow  i 
wil  take  yu  and  marri  yu  and  bring  yu  bak  horn  like  a  ladi  i  did  not 
sa  i  had  axed  yore  pap  fur  yu  and  yu  tole  me  that  yu  woud  hav  me 
if  i  wus  the  last  man  in  the  worl,  yu  was  misstaking  when  yu  thout 
that  i  had  axed  fur  yu  ef  yu  sa  so.  did  yu  tel  that  John  cromer  and 
kid  cromer  i  had  peswaded  yu  to  gow  with  me  honie ;  i  want  everbodie 
to  lik  yu  honie.  i  want  yu  to  tel  me  what  yu  want  me  to  do  with  them 
close  that  i  bot  fur  yu,  if  yu  want  em  mi  honie  yu  can  haf  em  fur  i  luv 
yu  my  darlin  nancy  jain.  i  want  two  sa  two  yu  two  giv  me  a  good  naim 
to  everbodi  and  i  wil  giv  yu  a  good  naim;  an  i  am  shore  to  do  that 
much  fur  yu  honie ;  remember  tiz  mortle  to  lay  this  boddie  down  to  dy. 
remember  me  til  the  pale  hoss  kums  and  ma  the  devvil  mis  yu  and 
the  Lord  git  yu  my  darlin  is  mi  umbl  prair.  here  is  a  drap  of  blood, 
(here  a  red  spot  appears)  it  kums  frum  the  senter  of  mi  hart  wich 
is  tlie  best  i  kin  do  at  prezent.  i  send  it  to  yu  to  let  yu  no  that  mi  hart 
is  brok  in  tu  mi  honie. 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  43 

and  nancy  jain,  i  want  yu  to  pra  fur  me  mi  darlin  at  home  an  abrawd. 
i  am  goin  to  be  a  good  boy  and  i  shant  sa  whut  you  tol  me  not  to  sa 
the  other  dai.  if  i  cant  be  with  yu  i  can  meet  yu  up  in  heven  whar 
partin  wil  be  no  more,  mi  honie.  So  mai  god  bles  yu  and  the  devvil 
mis  yu  honie. 

i  wil  here  mak  a  round  wring  (here  appears  a  large  circle)  on  this 
letter  to  let  yu  no  that  mi  luv  fur  yu  wil  never  end. 

When  this  yu  se 

Remember  me 

fur  this  yu  can  se 

when  yu  cant  se  me,  mi  honie  mi  nancy 
jain.  I  ax  yu  to  go  to  Bud  Adamses  or  Sam  Owenses  and  tawk  to 
me  abowt  ten  or  fifteen  minits  if  yu  plese,  mi  honie,  god  bles  yore 
sole  honie  so  i  must  kum  to  a  klose.  i  kant  tel  yu  haf  mi  mind  honie 
god  bles  yu  mi  deer  pray  fur  me  an  speek  to  me  and  shaik  bans  with 
me  mi  honie.  Marion  to  Nancy  jain." 

When  Warren  was  placed  on  the  stand,  Charles  Kirtley  pro- 
ceeded to  examine  him.  Kirtley  was  a  hunch  back,  weighing  about 
seventy-five  pounds,  and  was  shaped  like  an  interrogation  point ;  he 
was  exceedingly  shrewd  and  courageous,  and  had  a  keen,  penetrating 
voice.  The  defendant  having  admitted  that  he  wrote  the  letter,  Kirt- 
ley asked  him: 

"Will  you  say  under  oath  that  the  drop  of  blood  on  this  letter 
came  from  the  center  of  your  heart?" 

The  witness  hesitated,  but  finally  replied,  "No." 

"Then,"  said  Kirtley  in  a  keen,  piping,  and  insulting  voice,  "where 
did  it  come  from?" 

Warren  gasped  for  breath  and  in  a  subdued  tone,  said : 

"It  come  out'en  a  chicken's  laig." 

COLONEL  DUNLAP. 

Colonel  George  W.  Dunlap,  of  L ,  Kentucky,  was  one  of 

the  courtliest  of  men.  He  was  accomplished,  thoroughly  educated, 
gifted  with  great  vivacity  of  manner,  and  was  a  most  eloquent  speaker. 

"I'M  SURPRISED  OF  IT." 

The  Colonel  defended  John  Canter  on  a  charge  of  carrying  con- 
cealed deadly  weapons.  When  the  case  was  called  Canter  assured 
kim  he  v/as  ready  for  trial  and  that  the  Commonwealth  witness,  a 
very  substantial  citizen,  by  the  name  of  Boudinot,  knew  nothing 
against  him.  The  Colonel  asked  him  if  he  was  certain  of  this  and 
Canter,  responding  in  the  affirmative,  announced : 


44  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"Defendant  is  ready." 

Boudinot  was  introduced  and  swore  that  within  twelve  months 
before  the  finding  of  the  indictment  he  met  Canter,  who  was  very 
drunk,  and  who  cursed  him,  and  drew  a  pistol  from  his  hip  pocket 
and  threatened  to  shoot  him. 

Colonel  Dunlap  was  almost  paralyzed  with  astonishment,  but 
after  recovering  somewhat  from  the  shock,  he  turned  to  Canter  and 
told  him  in  words  more  forcible  than  elegant,  what  he  thought  of 
him.    Canter's  only  response  was : 

"I'm  surprised  of  it." 

The  Colonel,  seeing  a  ray  of  hope,  asked  that  his  client  might 
be  sworn,  stating  that  he  was  taken  by  surprise  at  the  statement, 
which  was  false;  that  he  believed  it  a  case  of  mistaken  identity  and 
desired  to  move  for  a  continuance.  Canter  stood  up  and  was  sworn, 
and  the  Colonel  asked  him  whether  or  not  he  was  taken  by  surprise 
at  the  statement  of  the  witness.  Canter  stooped  down  and  picked 
up  some  shavings  from  the  floor  and  hesitated.  Finally  the  Colonel 
lost  his  temper  and  roared  out  at  him : 

"Are  you  surprised  by  the  statement?" 

Canter  answered : 

"I  am  surprised  of  it." 

Then  the  Colonel  asked  whether  the  statements  were  true. 

Canter  again  commenced  picking  up  shavings,  when  the  Colonel 
again  in  a  loud  voice,  repeated  his  question.  Canter  hesitated,  but 
finally  responded : 

"Fm  surprised  of  it." 

The  Colonel  then  said  in  an  angry  tone: 

"I  am  not  asking  you  about  that ;  what  I  want  to  know  is,  whether 
the  statement  of  the  witness  is  true?" 

Again  shavings  were  picked  up  and,  after  much  hesitation,  Canter 
responded : 

"Now,  ray-al-ly.  Colonel,  I'm  surprised  of  it." 

By  this  time  the  Colonel  was  in  a  rage,  and,  glaring  at  the  witness 
exclaimed : 

"The  h 1  you  say." 

That  ended  Canter's  motion  for  a  continuance.  Under  instruc- 
tions a  verdict  was  returned  of  "guilty"  with  a  fine  of  twenty-five  dol- 
lars and  ten  days'  imprisonment.  After  Canter  had  served  his  time 
out,  he  met  the  Colonel,  who  reminded  him  that  he  had  mortified  him 
by  his  conduct  and  that  he  must  now  pay  his  fee  of  twenty-five 
dollars.    Canter  turned  to  him  with  a  twinkle  in  his  eye,  and  said : 

"Why,  Colonel,  I'm  ray-al-ly  surprised  of  it." 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  45 

BORN  TO  BE  HANGED. 

Colonel  Dunlap  told  a  story  of  an  old  client  of  his  who  had  a 
very  wild  boy.  He  said  that  the  old  man  told  him  his  son  had  wan- 
dered up  and  down  the  country,  committing  first  one  and  then  another 
breach  of  the  penal  laws,  and  beating  his  way  everywhere.  Finally, 
he  took  passage  on  a  Mississippi  River  steamer.  The  boiler  burst, 
and  the  boat  caught  fire.  Everybody  except  his  son  jumped  over- 
board, seizing  whatever  they  could  to  sustain  themselves.  The  boy 
could  not  swim  and  was  afraid  to  jump.  He  retreated  from  the  blaze 
to  the  edge  of  the  boat  and  stood  there  until  the  flames  were  singeing 
his  clothing.  Then,  with  a  shout  of  "Gallows,  claim  your  rights,"  he 
jumped  into  the  stream  and  swam  ashore  with  apparent  ease.  Said 
the  old  gentleman,  in  commenting  upon  this  wonderful  escape : 

"I  have  always  known,  George,  that  he  was  born  to  be  hanged." 

STRANGE  AMMUNITION. 

In  the  campaign  of  1900  Senator  Bradley  and  Judge  Yost  had 
an  appointment  to  speak  in  a  certain  town  in  Western  Kentucky.  Al- 
though notice  of  the  meeting  had  been  given  for  sometime,  the  op- 
posite party  later  made  an  appointment  for  several  gentlemen  of  their 
faith  for  the  same  day,  and  as  the  jailer  was  a  Democrat,  had  no 
trouble  in  procuring  the  court  house.  One  of  their  orators,  a  very 
young  man,  sent  a  challenge  for  joint  debate  with  Senator  Bradley, 
which  was  declined.  Senator  Bradley  and  Judge  Yost  v/ere  com- 
pelled to  hold  their  meeting  in  a  grove  near  the  town. 

As  they  were  going  out  to  the  grove  a  gentleman  came  up  with 
them  and  informed  them  that  the  young  man  (for  whom  Senator 
Bradley  afterv/ards  came  to  entertain  high  regard),  whose  invita- 
tion for  a  joint  debate  had  been  refused,  had  just  stated  in  the 
court  house  that  he  had  challenged  Senator  Bradley  to  debate  with 
liim,  and  Senator  Bradley  had  declined  because  he  was  afraid  of  him. 
\\"nen  Senator  Bradley  arose  to  speak  he  told  the  audience  of  the  cir- 
circumstances,  and  frankly  admitted  the  truth  of  the  assertion  that  he 
was  afraid  of  the  young  gentleman.    Said  he ; 

"I  am  afraid  of  him  for  the  same  reason  that  the  Indian  chief 
gave  for  his  precipitate  retreat  on  the  frontier.  Some  United  States 
.soldiers,  who  were  on  a  very  steep  hill,  were  attacked  by  Indians,  who 
were  concealed  in  a  thicket  belov/  them.  Having  a  howitzer  mounted 
on  a  mule,  the  soldiers  fired  it  into  the  ranks  of  the  Indians.  The 
rebound  knocked  the  mule  to  the  earth  and  he  rolled  down  the  hill 
with  the  howitzer  attached  to  him  into  the  midst  of  the  savages  below. 


46  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

This  sudden  and  strange  circumstance  caused  the  Indians  to  flee  in 
great  trepidation. 

"The  old  chief  was  captured  and  being  asked  why  he  and  his 
braves  fled  so  precipitately,  answered,  with  great  solemnity,  'Me  no 
'fraid  o'  white  man  and  no  'fraid  o'  guns,  but,  when  white  man  shoots 
whole  jackass  at  me,  me  can't  stand  it.'  And  so  I  say  now,  I  am  not 
afraid  of  Democrats,  and  not  afraid  of  guns,  but  when  the  Democratic 
party  shoots  a  whole,  live,  kicking  jackass  at  me,  I  can't  stand  it." 

RUFUS  ENO. 

Colonel  W.  H.  Slaughter  relates  the  following  story : 

In  the  quiet  little  village  of  New  Haven,  Kentucky,  nestled  on 
the  waters  of  the  Rolling  Fork,  lived  a  strange  human  being,  the 
cobbler  of  the  neighborhood,  named  Rufus  Eno.  He  was  a  giant  in 
stature,  with  brawny  limbs,  big,  wild,  restless  eyes,  high  cheek  bones, 
and  gorilla-like  expression.  When  and  how  he  came  into  the  village 
few,  if  any,  of  its  inhabitants  knew  or  cared — he  seemed  to  have  just 
dropped  in.  He  was  apparently  about  fifty  years  of  age  and  seemed 
to  grow  no  older.  He  had  little  or  nothing  to  say ;  his  life  was  a 
mystery.  His  habitation,  if  it  could  be  dignified  by  that  name,  was 
a  little  eight-by-ten  shack  on  the  remote  corner  of  a  four-acre-square, 
without  plaster  or  ceiling. 

Daylight  was  not  a  stranger  to  any  part  of  it,  so  unpretentious 
had  been  its  construction,  apparently  built  without  aim  or  object. 
Here  Eno  lived,  worked,  ate  and  slept,  contentedly.  No  one  knew 
his  history ;  if  he  had  any,  it  was  a  sealed  book.  He  worked  day  and 
night,  and  night  and  day.  As  soon  as  the  sun  went  down  his  dingy 
lamp  was  lighted  and  the  neighbors  said  that  he  worked  all  night- — 
his  hammer  sounding  at  intervals  until  all  the  drowsy  denizens  were 
asleep,  and  with  the  gray  dawn  it  was  the  first  sound  to  greet  their 
ears.  It  seemed  never  to  cease.  It  was  the  villagers'  watchman, 
"What  of  the  night?"  their  reveille  and  tattoo. 

By  and  by,  the  good  trustees  of  the  town  passed  a  Sunday 
ordinance  requiring  all  secular  work  to  cease,  and  stores  and  shops 
to  close,  from  12  o'clock  Saturday  night  until  the  same  hour  Sunday 
night.  Thereafter,  promptly  at  12  o'clock  Saturday  night  Eno's  light 
went  out,  and  death-like  silence  reigned  until  12  o'clock  Sunday  night, 
when  again  it  reappeared  and  the  sound  of  the  old  hammer  seemed 
to  say  to  the  villagers  wrapt  in  slumber — "All's  well." 

He  had  neither  friend  nor  foe,  he  lived  to  himself,  prepared  his 
own  food — if  he  ate  at  all.  He  had  no  bed  upon  which  to  stretch  his 
tired,  ponderous  frame,  if  he  ever  grew  weary  or  ever  slept.    When 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  47 

people  wanted  their  shoes  mended  they  unceremoniously  pushed  open 
the  creaky  door,  threw  them  on  the  floor,  stating  when  they  would 
call  for  them,  and  Eno  would  simply  look  up  from  his  bench,  never 
speaking,  but  the  work  was  always  ready,  when  called  for.  When 
asked  the  charge  he  would  grunt  out  "quarter,"  "dime"  or  whatever  it 
might  be.    It  was  always  moderate,  the  work  rough,  but  durable. 

Amongst  others  who  carried  work  to  old  Eno's  shop  was  Mary 
Clayton,  a  little  blue-eyed,  Titian-haired  beauty,  who  lived  several 
miles  in  the  country.  She  often  brought  him  work  from  her  own  and 
neighboring  families.  She  was  about  ten  years  of  age  and  would, 
child-like,  sit  down  upon  a  three-legged  stool  to  rest,  and  watch  the 
old  fellow  while  he  worked.  He  evidently,  probably  from  sympathy 
(for  she  was  very  poor),  took  a  lively  interest  in  her,  and  now  and 
then  he  would  reach  up  over  his  head  and  get  an  apple,  cake,  or  stick 
of  candy  and  give  her,  with  a  sort  of  gorilla-like  smile,  but  he  never 
uttered  a  word.  This  kind  treatment  and  the  good  things  (to  which 
she  was  entirely  unused),  were  sufficient  attraction  for  her,  and  she 
sought  occasion  to  do  errands  for  the  old  cobbler  as  often  as  possible. 
She  was  the  only  human  being  he  apparently  ever  noticed,  but  his 
taciturn,  forbidding  features  would  grow  brighter  at  her  coming. 

As  time  drove  apace,  this  little  girl  grew  into  womanhood,  more 
than  fulfilling  early  promise  in  development  of  form  and  feature. 
Her  apparel  was  of  the  cheapest,  but  her  bright  eyes,  waving  hair, 
fine  figure  and  elastic  step  were  the  admiration  of  the  town.  She  was 
now  eighteen  and  a  beauty. 

One  day  in  the  late  autumn,  the  villagers  were  startled  by  the 
announcement  that  Mary  Clayton  and  old  Eno  had  married.  This 
was  only  a  day's  wonder  and  created  but  a  little  ripple  in  the  monot- 
onous round  of  village  life.  They  at  once  moved  into  an  old  three- 
roomed  gable  roofed  cottage  at  the  other  end  of  the  lot.  Here  with 
his  wax  end,  awl  and  hammer,  Eno  vigorously  plied  his  vocation, 
whilst  his  pretty  wife  kept  house  and  tended  a  little  garden  plot,  which, 
with  the  approach  of  a  smiling  spring,  seemed  to  augur  happiness 
and  comfort  for  this  strange  alliance  of  beauty  and  the  beast,  both 
seemingly  unmindful  of  the  outer  world. 

The  first  sensation  (their  marriage),  had  been  forgotten,  only 
to  give  way  to  a  more  startling  one— a  tragedy.  Eno  learned  that 
before  his  marriage  his  wife  had  had  improper  relations  with  her 
cousin,  a  groceryman  by  the  name  of  Ford.  His  jealous  rage  knew 
no  bounds,  and  he  determined  that  her  seducer  should  die.  His  idol 
was  broken,  his  faith  in  humanity  rudely  shaken,  and  nothing  but 
blood  could  atone  for  the  wrong.     He  impressed  his  wife  with  the 


4*  Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

same  feeling  and,  gx)aded  to  desperation,  she  sought  Ford  at  his 
store,  when  alone,  fired  the  fatal  shot  and  emerged  with  a  smoking 
pistol  in  hand — leaving  her  victim  dying  on  the  floor. 

She  and  Eno  were  at  once  arrested,  imprisoned,  and  indicted 
for  murder. 

In  due  course  of  the  time  she  was  tried  separately,  and  sentenced 
to  imprisonment  for  ten  years  in  the  penitentiary.  Her  attorneys 
l>€lieving  that  when  the  facts  were  made  known  to  the  Governor,  she 
would  be  quickly  pardoned,  made  no  motion  for  a  new  trial,  but 
bent  their  efforts  to  secure  executive  clemency.  Petitions  were  gotten 
up  and  signed  by  everybody,  including  the  jurors  and  officers  of  the 
court,  and  forwarded  to  the  Capital.  The  Civil  War  was  then  in 
progress  and,  in  the  excitement,  the  papers  were  pigeonholed,  and  Mrs. 
Eno  languished  in  the  penitentiary. 

Eno  remained  in  jail,  the  courts  in  Kentucky  having  been  ir- 
regularly held  and  but  little  business  transacted,  owing  to  the  war. 
From  term  to  term  his  case  was  continued.  He  frothed  and  foamed 
at  the  confinement  like  a  madman,  which  he  unquestionably  was. 
Becoming  outraged  and  impatient  at  the  delay,  which  he  attributed 
to  neglect  of  his  lawyers,  he  sent  for  me  one  day,  and  went  over  his 
case.  After  talking  a  while  he  grew  wild  and  in  a  tempest  of  rage 
clutched  and  strained  at  the  iron  bars  of  the  window  of  his  cell.  My 
promise  to  assist  him  finally  caused  him  to  grow  calmer.  He  told 
me  that  when  he  first  learned  of  Ford's  perfidy,  he  intended  to  end 
his  blighted  life  by  suicide  and  had  written  some  lines  to  be  found 
by  his  wife  after  his  death.  He  handed  me  the  paper  and  told  me  to 
read  it  after  I  left  him.  They  showed  the  seeming  monster  had  both 
pride  and  sentiment,  and  are  as  follows : 

"Oh !  cruel  heart  ere  these  posthumous  papers 

Have  met  thine  eyes,  I  shall  be  out  of  breath. 

Those  eyes  which  burned  like  funeral  tapers 

Have  only  lighted  me  the  way  to  death. 

Perhaps  you  may  extinguish  them  in  vapor 

When  I  am  gone  and  green  grass  covereth  your  lover. 

But  it  will  be  in  vain  ; 

It  cannot  bring  the  vital  spark  again. 

Oh!  when  thine  eyes  did  burn  so  blue 

They  seemed  an  omen  that  we  must  expect 

The  fate  of  lovers ;  and  they  boded  true. 

For  I  am  half  a  spirit  now — a  ghost  elect, 

Just  stopped  before  the  tomb-stone  steps 

That  lead  me  to  death's  door. 


Stones  of  William  O.  Bradley.  49 

Beyond  I  go ;  I  know  not,  care  not,  where, 
To  sleep  eternal  or  to  black  despair. 
Plunging  to  death  to  Heaven  I'll  cry, 
'Man  born  of  woman,  must  of  woman  die.' 
Alas!  'twould  take  a  life  to  tell 
That  one  fond  word — farewell — farewell !" 

After  having  been  confined  in  jail  for  several  years,  the  Sue 
Munday  guerillas  dashed  into  town  one  day  and  asked  me  if  there 
were  any  prisoners  in  jail.  I  said  "Yes,  old  Rufus  is  there,  go  and 
release  him,"  which  they  promptly  did.  In  a  few  minutes  they  dashed 
out  of  town  taking  Eno  with  them.  He  was  dazed  at  his  unexpected 
freedom  and,  if  friends  he  had,  he  bade  adieu  to  none. 

In  1865  just  at  the  close  of  the  war,  I  happened  to  be  in  Frank- 
fort and  met  Colonel  James  Wood,  and  we  called  on  Governor  Bram- 
blette  and  talked  to  him  about  Mrs.  Eno.  When  matters  were  ex- 
plained he  said  that  the  papers  had  escaped  him,  which  he  regretted, 
but  that  she  would  be  free  in  that  hour.  He  instructed  the  Secretary 
of  State,  to  write  out  the  pardon  and  take  it  to  the  prison  personally. 

The  Secretary  of  State,  Colonel  Wood,  and  myself,  went  at  once 
to  the  prison,  and  when  the  pardon  was  handed  to  the  Warden,  he 
looked  at  the  register,  turned,  and  said : 

"Gentlemen,  this  woman  has  been  released  by  a  higher  power; 
she  was  buried  yesterday." 

A  JOKE  ON  SOUND  MONEY. 

Everybody  in  Kentucky  knows  genial  WilHam  (Bill)  Yost.  He 
distinguished  himself  as  a  Judge  of  the  Superior  Court  and  has  an 
enviable  reputation  as  a  lawyer.  While  at  Frankfort  he  visited  the 
Feeble-Minded  Institute. 

In  1896  the  Judge  canvassed  Kentucky  in  the  interest  of  sound 
money.  Among  other  places,  he  appeared  at  Princeton  and  made  a 
very  telling  and  able  speech. 

At  its  conclusion  a  young  man  came  up  to  him  and  said : 

"How  are  you,  Jedge?" 

The  Judge  kindly  acknowledged  the  salutation,  and  the  boy  said : 

"Jedge,  I  don't  believe  you  know  me." 

The  Judge  admitted  that  he  did  not. 

"Why,  Jedge,  don't  you  remember  I  used  to  go  to  the  'Feeble- 
Minded.'  They  thought  I  had  larn't  enough  to  make  a  livin'  and 
turned  me  out,  and  now  I'm  working  down  here  close  to  town." 


50  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

The  Judge  immediately  recognized  him  and  expressed  himself 
as  being  delighted  to  see  him,  whereat  the  young  man  exclaimed : 

"Well,  Jedge,  that  was  a  fine  speech  you  made.  You  and  me  and 
all  the  rest  of  us  feeble-minded  people  is  for  sound  money,  hain't  we?" 

POLICE  COURT  AT  CRAB  ORCHARD. 

Andrew  J.  Howell  lived  in  Crab  Orchard.  He  was  a  lawyer  by 
profession,  and,  as  the  story  will  show,  was  possessed  of  some  pecul- 
iarities. He  was  one  of  the  most  fearless  of  men,  and  had  many 
"hairbreadth  'escapes.'  "  In  appearance  he  bore  a  striking  resem- 
blance to  Daniel  Webster. 

A  tow-headed  boy  about  ii  years  of  age  was  on  trial  in  the 
police  court,  charged  with  assault  upon  a  washerwoman.  Howell 
appeared  for  the  prosecution.  A  jury  having  been  impaneled,  he 
arose  to  state  the  case. 

"Yer  Honor,'^  he  said,  "and  gentlemen  of  the  jury,  the  case  you 
are  about  to  try  happened  thusly:  This  here  lady  was  a  washin' 
clothes.  This  here  gentleman  was  a  settin'  on  the  fence.  Al'  at 
wunst  he  flopped  his  arms  and  crowd  like  a  chicking.  Whereupon, 
this  here  lady  objected  to  his  conduct.  He  grew  very  angry,  lipped 
from  the  fence  and,  with  an  oath,  cast  rocks,  sticks,  stones  and  various 
other  items  at  this  here  lady,  none  of  which  struck  her,  but  all  of 
which  terrified  her  to  an  alarmin'  extent." 

"FM  A  SETTIN." 

Some  thirty  years  ago  in  central  Kentucky  a  very  large  and 
fleshy  man,  David  Jones,  was  elected  justice  of  the  peace.  A  con- 
stable, Joe  P.  Nave,  was  elected  in  the  same  district. 

In  due  course  of  time  court  day  came  around,  and  the  Squire 

concluded  to  hold  his  court  in  the  storehouse  of  his  friend,  Joe  P . 

A  number  of  the  friends  of  the  two  officers,  who  held  them  in  affec- 
tionate esteem,  were  assembled  to  see  them  start  out  on  the  road  to 
distinction. 

There  were  no  chairs  in  the  store.     Finally,  Joe  P rolled 

out  a  keg  and  sat  it  on  end,  telling  the  Spuire  to  "set"  down,  which 
request  was  complied  with,  the  top  of  the  keg  being  more  than  cov- 
ered by  his  immense  proportions.  Folding  his  hands  across  his  pon- 
derous abdomen,  with  a  look  of  pride  and  satisfaction,  the  Squire  said  : 

"Now,  Joe,  go  to  the  door  and  tell  the  boys  I'm  a-settin." 

SHALLOW  WATER. 

Judge  Nuttall  was  Judge  of  the  Bullitt  circuit  court.  He  was  an 
amiable,  absent  minded  man  who  did  not  notice  surrounding  circum- 


Storks  of  William  O.  Bradley.  51 

Stances  and  was  sometimes  imposed  upon.  He  was  induced  to  adjourn 
his  court  on  circus  day  to  see  the  elephant  swim  the  river,  and  was 
astonished  to  see  the  animal  wade  across — the  water  not  being  over 
eighteen  inches  in  depth. 

THE  UNLETTERED  MOTHER. 

Senator  Bradley  relates  the  following  story  connected  with  his 
experience  while  Governor  of  Kentucky. 

"An  old  woman,  very  poorly  clad,  came  into  my  office  and  said : 
'Air  you  the  Governor?'  " 

"Yes,  madam,"  I  replied,  "Will  you  take  a  seat  and  tell  me  the 
purpose  of  your  visit?" 

"  'No,'  she  said,  'It  is  not  for  the  likes  of  me,  a  poor  mountain 
woman,  to  set  down  in  these  line  cheers.  Mister  Governor,  a  long 
time  ago  I  was  married  and  many  children  cum  to  bless  us,  but 
finally  my  old  man  sickened  and  died  and  left  us  to  struggle  the  best 
we  knowed  how.  First  one,  and  then  another,  of  my  children  wus  tuck 
from  me  until  only  one  was  left — my  baby  boy.' 

"  'We  had  sold  off  little  patches  of  ground  till  we  had  only  50 
acres  and  a  little  cabin  left.  But  pore  as  we  wus  and  hard  as  we 
worked,  we  wus  happy,  fur  that  boy  was  the  apple  of  my  eye.  I 
razed  him  the  best  I  cud,  but  wus  not  able  to  give  him  any  larnin.' 

"  'Wun  day  a  bad  man  cum  along  and  got  my  boy  to  runnin' 
with  him.  I  tried  to  stop  it,  but  boys,  you  know,  will  be  boys,  and 
I  couldn't  do  nuthin.  Finally  that  man  killed  a  man  while  my  boy 
wus  with  him  and  run  off,  and  they  tuck  my  boy  to  jail  and  he  wus 
tried  an'  sent  to  the  pen  for  life.  He  wus  then  only  fifteen  years  old, 
and  he  is  now  twenty-five.' 

"  'Fer  ten  long  year  he  has  been  in  them  gloomy  walls  and  I  hain't 
never  seed  him.  Durin'  all  that  time  there  hain't  ben  a  bad  mark 
agin  him.  All  that  time.  Mister,  I  hain't  heerd  the  sound  of  his 
voice,  except  when  I  wus  a-dreamin'  in  that  little  log  cabin  with  no 
one  with  me  but  my  God.  All  that  time  I  have  bin  by  myself,  workin' 
out,  hirin'  in  the  neighborhood  an'  goin'  home  at  night  fur  fear  sum 
one  would  tak'  whut  little  I  had.  Oh !  Mister,  if  you  knowed  how 
much  I  have  suffered,  I  know  you'd  help  me.' 

"  'Mister,  you  wunst  had  a  boy  an'  he  died.  Everybody  knows 
you  loved  him.  How  many  times  have  you  thought  about  him  and 
wished  for  the  sound  of  his  voice  and  the  sight  of  his  face.  How 
often  in  the  night  has  he  cum  close,  an'  when  you  retched  out  to  tech 
him — gone  away?  What  yould  you  give  to  have  him  back?  But 
you  hain't  sufferin'  like  me,  fur  your  boy  wa'n't  disgraced.' 


52  Stories  of  V/illiam  0.  Bradley. 

"  'I  had  no  money  to  git  a  lawyer,  an'  so  I  have  bin  savin'  up 
little  by  little,  and  at  last  I  got  a  lawyer  to  fix  up  my  papers,  an'  a 
line  from  the  Judge  an'  the  persecuting  attorney  an  the  jury;  an'  I 
tuck  them  papers  and  walked  fifty  miles  till  I  retched  the  kars,  an' 
then  cum  down  here  to  fetch  em,  an'  here  they  air.  I've  heerd  that 
you  wus  good  to  the  poor,  an'  I  believe  it.  Mister,  can't  you  please 
let  me  have  my  baby  boy?' 

"Her  face  was  wet  with  tears,  but  beaming  with  hope.  Her 
simple  and  pathetic  appeal  caused  me  to  weep  also.  I  took  the  papers 
from  her  withered  hand,  examined  them  and  found  her  statement 
true.  It  appeared  to  me  that  I  could  not  grant  the  pardon  quick 
enough.  The  indorsement  was  properly  made,  and  the  papers  handed 
to  the  Secretary,  who  prepared  the  pardon,  which  was  signed  and 
the  seal  attached.  I  then  handed  it  to  her  and  had  the  Secretary  go 
with  her  to  the  penitentiary.  In  a  short  while  she  returned  with 
her  son — a  tall,  manly  looking  fellow,  to  thank  me.  She  was  given 
money  to  pay  her  bill  and  to  enable  her  to  procure  a  conveyance  to 
her  home,  the  State  paying  her  son's  expenses,  and  she  left  on  the 
afternoon  train.  I  hope  and  trust  she  is  now  living  happily  with  her 
baby  boy  in  her  humble  cabin." 

AN  INTENSE  SILENCE. 

"I  never  knew  a  warmer-hearted  old  gentleman  or  a  better,  truer 
man,  than  the  late  Dennis  Haley,"  said  Senator  Bradley.  "Coming 
from  Ireland  to  this  country  many  years  ago,  he  settled  in  Frankfort, 
Kentucky,  and  lived  to  a  ripe  old  age.  In  all  probability  he  had  as 
many  friends  as  any  man  in  the  State,  and  his  death  caused  general 
sorrow  throughout  the  Commonwealth. 

"He  was  a  man  of  strong  convictions,  outspoken,  yet  kind.  Among 
his  friends  there  was  probably  none  to  whom  he  was  more  devoted, 
and  whom  he  more  extravagantly  admired,  than  United  States  Senator 
William  Lindsey,  who  lived  in  the  same  town.  He  frequently  con- 
versed with  me  concerning  him,  and  always  admiringly  and  affec- 
tionately alluded  to  him  as  'Big  Bill.' 

"He  asked  me  if  I  heard  'Big  Bill's'  speech  on  the  proposition 
to  remove  the  Capital.  I  answered  that  I  had  not,  but  had  frequently 
heard  it  highly  commended. 

"  'Well,  Sor,'  said  he,  warming  with  the  subject,  *I  niver  heard 
such  a  spache  in  me  life.  He  was  in  fine  trim  an'  I  thought  to  meself 
whin  he  stood  up  to  commince  he  was  the  finest  specimen  of  manhood 
I  iver  seen.  He  spoke  fur  two  hours  and  a  half;  he  tould  all  about 
the  law  and  the  facts,  and  dwelt  at  large  on  the  sympathy  of  his 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  53 

audience.  Fll  pledge  you  me  honor,  sor,  that  during  the  whole  of 
that  time  there  was  the  most  intinse  silence,  and  at  any  time  during 
the  delivery  of  the  spache  ye  could  hev  dropped  a  pin  on  the  floor.'  " 

"GOOD-BYE,  WORLD,  AND  HOWDY,  HELL." 

Major  Thomas  W.  Sawyer,  an  old  time  lawyer,  resided  in  Bar- 
bourville,  Kentucky.  He  was  trying  a  case  before  a  Harlan  county 
jury,  and  introduced  as  a  witness  a  man  who  had  a  wonderful  shock 
of  hair,  immense  beard,  fierce  mustache,  eyebrows  as  large  as  a  bird's 
wing,  and  hands  almost  black  with  hair.  He  was  Sawyer's  main 
reliance  for  success. 

The  lawyer  opposing  Sawyer  appreciated  the  importance  of  the 
witness'  testimony,  and  did  all  he  could  to  weaken  it.  He  said  many 
amusing  things  about  the  "wild  man  from  Borneo,"  all  of  which 
greatly  incensed  Sawyer. 

It  happened  that  the  hirsute  appendages  of  James  Britton,  who 
was  on  the  jury,  were  about  equal  to  those  of  the  witness,  of  which 
fact  Sawyer  took  advantage. 

When  it  came  his  time  to  speak,  among  other  bright  things  he 
said,  was: 

"Has  it  come  to  this,  that  because,  forsooth,  a  man  has  an  extra 
amount  of  hair  he  cannot  tell  the  truth?  I  appeal  to  you,  gentlemen, 
is  a  man  to  be  condemned  because  God  Almighty  has  seen  fit  to  give 
him  an  extra  amount  of  hair? 

"If  this  be  true,  then  all  I  have  to  say,  Jimmy  Britton,  is,  you 
might  as  well  say :  'Good-bye,  world,  and  howdy,  hell.'  " 

MAKING  OTHERS  CONTENTED. 

An  attorney  of  very  limited  ability  inquired  of  Judge  Owsley 
in  the  court  room  during  motion  hour: 
"What  am  I  here  for,  anyway?" 
To  which  question  the  Judge  promptly  responded: 
"To  make  all  the  other  lawyers  satisfied  with  themselves." 

TWO  KINDS  OF  FOOLS. 

Elder  Powell,  of  Louisville,  tells  the  following  story : 
A   loquacious   man   under  the   influence  of   liquor  persisted   in 
disturbing  a  Democratic  convention  by  repeated  efforts  to  speak.     At 
length  the  chairman  shouted,  "Sit  down,  you  infernal  fool." 

"That  may  be  true,"  observed  the  troublesome  individual,  "but  I 
have  the  advantage  of  you.  It  is  true  that  I  am  a  fool  on  account 
of  whiskey,  for  the  time  being,  but  you  are  a  fool  all  the  time  by 
nature." 


54  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

THE  MOVING  OF  THE  SPIRIT. 

A  good  old  Baptist  brother  in  Pulaski  county  who  was  in  the 
habit  of  taking  a  dram  before  each  meal,  meeting  with  a  member  of 
the  same  church,  who  had  failed  to  do  something  which  he  thought 
he  should  have  done,  said: 

"Brother  P ,  I  am  moved  by  the  spirit  to  have  a  talk  with 

you." 

"I  have  no  doubt  of  it  brother  S ,  from  the  way  your  breath 

smells,"  said  P . 

THE  DEVIL  IN  HIS  BREECHES. 

Owing  to  disturbances  in  a  Kentucky  country  congregation,  ser- 
vice had  not  been  held  in  the  church  for  some  months.  Finally,  a 
good  old  preacher  came  along,  to  whose  use  of  the  church  the  warring 
factions  agreed,  and  all  turned  out  and  attended  the  meeting.  During 
the  long  period  the  church  had  not  been  used  some  yellow  jackets  had 
built  a  nest  under  the  pulpit,  the  planks  of  which  were  loose  and 
creaky. 

The  pious  old  brother  after  preaching  for  some  time  v.'^armed  up 
and  was  harranguing  in  a  loud  voice  as  he  pranced  to  and  fro  over 
the  loose  planks.  This  aroused  the  yellow  jackets  so  that  they  came 
through  the  cracks,  crawled  up  the  legs  of  his  pants  and  commenced 
stinging  him.  He  frantically  jerked  up  first  one  foot  and  then  the 
other  and  exclaimed  at  the  top  of  his  voice : 

"My  brethren,  ah,  I  have  the  grace  of  God  in  my  heart,  but  the 
devil  is  in  my  breeches." 

AN  IMMATERIAL  MISTAKE. 

John  Smith,  familiarly  and  affectionately  called  "Raccoon"  Smith 
in  the  earlier  days  of  Kentucky,  was  a  noted  Baptist  minister  possess- 
ing great  ability  and  gifted  with  keen  and  incisive  wit.  He  was  an 
exceedingly  awkward  and  ungainly  man,  unusually   tall  and  thin. 

On  one  occasion  while  he  was  riding  on  horseback  to  preach  at 
one  of  the  country  churches  two  young  lawyers  caught  up  with  him, 
and,  discovering  that  he  was  a  preacher  whom  they  thought  exceed- 
ingly ignorant,  undertook  to  guy  him  with  questions.  Said  one  of 
them: 

"Old  man,  do  you  ever  make  mistakes  in  preaching?" 

"Frequently,"  responded  Brother  Smith. 

"What  do  you  say  under  such  circumstances?"  persisted  his 
tormentor. 


Stories  of  JVilliafn  O.  Bradley.  55 

"Well,"  replied  Brother  Smith,  "when  I  see  that  I  have  made  a 
material  mistake  I  always  correct  it,  but  when  it  is  immaterial  I  let 
it  alone.  I  will  illustrate.  The  other  day  I  was  preaching  when,  instead 
of  declaiming  in  scriptural  language  that  no  liar  could  enter  the  king- 
dom, I  declared  that  no  law^yer  could  enter  the  kingdom  of  heaven. 
I  saw  I  had  used  the  wrong  Avord,  but,  as  the  difference  was  immaterial, 
I  made  no  correction." 

FORGETTING  A  SCRIPTURAL  INJUNCTION. 

The  same  eccentric  character  was  invited  with  two  other  preachers 
to  take  dinner  with  a  member  of  the  congregation  near  the  church 
where  a  protracted  meeting  was  being  conducted.  In  those  days  it 
was  not  considered  sinful  for  a  preacher  to  drink  an  old  fashioned 
tansy  dram.  Before  going  to  the  dining  room  a  nice  tansy  dram  was 
placed  in  front  of  the  three  preachers,  and  they  were  invited  to  partake. 

Brother  Smith  suggested  that  as  thanks  were  always  offered  be- 
fore eating,  he  saw  no  reason  why  they  should  not  be  offered  before 
drinking,  and  requested  Brother  Jones  to  offer  thanks.  Brother 
Jones  and  the  other  preacher  closed  their  eyes  while  thanks  were  being 
returned,  whereupon  Brother  Smith  drained  their  two  glasses.  When 
the  other  two  preachers  opened  their  eyes,  each  of  them  expressed 
great  surprise,  when  Brother  Smith  said : 

"Brothers,  you  have  both  forgotten  the  Scriptural  injunction, 
that  you  must  'watch  as  well  as  pray.'  " 

BAPTISM  BY  FORCE. 

A  Presbyterian  minister  invited  Brother  Smith  to  witness  the 
baptism  of  some  infants.  Smith  did  not  believe  in  anything  of  the 
kind,  but  attended.  After  the  ceremony  was  concluded  he  invited  the 
Presbyterian  minister,  on  the  next  Sunday,  to  witness  a  baptism  to  be 
administered  by  the  former,  which  invitation  was  accepted. 

In  accordance  with  his  agreement,  the  brother  attended  the  place 
on  the  bank  of  the  creek.  After  Brother  Smith  had  completed  his 
good  work  he  walked  out  on  the  bank,  seized  his  Presbyterian  brother 
and  drew  him  to  the  creek,  notwithstanding  his  earnest  protest  and 
frantic  efforts  to  extricate  himself. 

"Come  right  along,"  said  Smith.  "Last  Sunday  I  saw  you  baptize 
a  lot  of  little  children,  notwithstanding  they  squalled  and  resisted 
you,  and  now  I  am  going  to  baptize  you,"  and,  suiting  the  action  to 
the  word,  he  submerged  the  visiting  brother,  singing  as  he  came 
out  of  the  v/ater : 


S6  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"Amazing  grace,  How  sweet  the  sound, 

That  saved  a  wretch  like  me. 
I  once  was  lost,  but  now  am  found — 

Was  blind,  but  now  I  see !" 

AN  OLD  TIME  SERMON. 

In  the  early  days  of  Kentucky  there  lived  a  celebrated  Methodist 
preacher  by  the  name  of  Prater.  He  was  a  very  corpulent  man,  weigh- 
ing over  three  hundred  pounds,  and  always  rode  to  his  appointments 
on  a  mule.  When  seated  in  the  saddle  his  person  protruded  over 
both  ends  and  spread  out  on  the  mule  each  way. 

In  those  days  it  was  quite  common  for  services  to  be  held  in  the 
houses  of  the  earnest  and  working  members.  Among  these  was 
Granny  Short,  a  good  old  sister  of  Madison  county.  An  appoint- 
ment was  made  at  her  house  for  Brother  Prater  to  preach  and  the 
neighbors  had  promptly  gathered  and  anxiously  awaited  his  coming. 
At  length  he  rode  up,  dismounted  from  his  faithful  mule,  threw 
the  bridle  over  a  fence  post,  and  started  up  to  the  house,  shak- 
ing hands  with  first  one  and  then  another.  Finally,  all  entered  the 
house  and  the  good  old  brother,  standing  before  a  little  table,  com- 
menced his  sermon. 

"My  brethren  and  sistrin,  I  was  delayed  a  little  today  because 
I  arose  with  a  severe  backache  which  is  still  annoying  me.  Conse- 
quently, I  cannot  say  what  sort  of  a  sermon  I  shall  preach,  though  I 
once  married  a  couple  when  I  had  the  backache,  and  I  never  married 
a  couple  that  succeeded  better  than  them.  I  shall  preach  to  you  from 
a  text  somewhar  between  the  lids  of  the  Bible,  the  chapter  and  verse 
of  which  I  am  not  able  to  name.  It  runs  as  follows :  'Like  a  crane  or 
a  swaller,  so  did  I  chatter.     Oh,  Lord,  undertake  Thou  for  me.' 

"Now,  my  beloved,  you  will  see  that  there  are  two  birds  men- 
tioned in  this  chapter — vizard :  a  crane  and  a  swaller.  It  is  necessary 
to  a  proper  understanding  that  we  should  look  carefully  into  the 
habits  of  these  fowls." 

By  this  time  the  old  man  had  commenced  warming  up,  his  voice 
gradually  increasing  in  volume. 

"A  crane,  my  brethren,  is  a  tall  bird,  with  long  legs  and  a  long 
bill,  and  will  reach  down  into  the  water  and  snatch  a  fish  that  another 
bird  would  never  think  of — ah!  And  a  swaller,  my  brethren,  is  a 
little  pestiferous  bird  that  congregates  in  great  numbers  in  the  chim- 
neys and  chatter,  chatter,  and  flutter,  flutter,  causing  the  sut  to  fall 
and  black  all  it  teches,  to  the  great  annoyance  of  the  good  wimmen — 
ah !    These  s wallers  are  jest  like  the  Campbellites — they  will  gather 


Stories  of  IVilliani  O.  Bradley.  57 

around  a  hole  of  water  and  chatter,  chatter,  and  flutter,  flutter,  while 
they  are  baptizin'  one  another,  and  the  very  next  day  they  will  not 
know  the  hole  they  were  baptized  in — ah !" 

THE  PRACTICAL  FIGHTER. 

Senator  Ollie  M.  James  says  that  Tom  Jones,  with  a  few  friends, 
proposed  to  descend  upon  certain  desperadoes  and  drive  them  from 
the  county.  When  warned  of  the  danger  of  his  enterprise,  he  re-, 
marked : 

"Never  mind,  you  bet  I'll  take  keer  of  myself.  If  we  find  thar  air 
only  a  few  of  'em  we'll  lick  *em ;  but  if  we  find  'em  numerous  well 
jine  'em." 

THE  RESULT  OF  POLITICAL  CHANGES. 

Senator  James  in  responding  to  a  speech  of  Mr.  Bronston,  whom 
he  accused  of  being  a  Democratic  bolter,  said : 

"He  reminds  me  of  an  old  ferry  boat  that  for  many  years  plied 
the  Ohio  river  back  and  forth  from  my  home — it  actually  wore  itself 
out  in  going  from  one  side  to  the  other." 

ALWAYS  SEEING  SMALL  THINGS. 

Speaking  of  a  member  of  the  Lower  House,  Senator  James  re- 
marked : 

"I  once  heard  of  a  man  who  lost  an  eye  which  was  replaced  with 
a  cat's  eye  by  a  surgeon.  The  only  trouble  was  that  after  he  re- 
covered he  was  always  looking  for  mice  and  crickets." 

WORSE  THINGS  THAN  A  CONVICT. 

A  man  was  engaged  to  marry  the  daughter  of  a  prosperous  old 
Kentucky  farmer,  and  the  father  was  horrified  when,  only  a  week 
before  the  anticipated  nuptials,  he  v.'as  informed  by  his  intended  son- 
in-law  that  under  no  conditions  could  he  carry  out  the  contract.  The 
father,  of  course,  was  enraged  and  demanded  in  vigorous  languac^^e 
to  know  the  reason. 

"Well,"  said  the  man,  "it  is  not  because  I  do  not  love  your 
daughter,  nor  is  it  because  she  is  not  good  enough  for  me — even  too 
good, — but  when  I  tell  you  my  condition  I  know  that  you  would  not 
have  the  marriage  consummated.  I  loved  her  so  devotedly  that  I 
never  told  her,  but  now  that  the  wedding  is  near  at  hand,  common 
honesty  demands,  that  I  should  speak  out." 

"What  the  devil  is  the  matter?"  said  the  irate  father. 

"Well,"  responded  the  unfortunate  young  man  :  "My  father  served 
a  term  in  the  Kentucky  penitentiary  for  horse  stealing." 


58  Stories  of  IViUiani  O.  Bradley. 

"Is  that  all?"  remarked  the  old  man.  "Why,  that  amounts  to 
laothing ;  I  served  two  terms  in  the  Kentucky  Legislature." 

KNEW  LESS  ABOUT  MORE  THINGS. 

There  was  a  young  attorney  in  a  Kentucky  town  who  had  a 
smattering  of  learning  about  things  generally,  but  no  reliable  knowl- 
edge on  any  one  subject.  He  made  an  argument  before  the  court 
fully  demonstrating  this  characteristic.  The  attorney  responding  to 
his  argument,  said : 

"Why,  your  Honor,  Mr. is  a  very,  very,  remarkable  man. 

He  knows  less  about  more  things  than  any  lawyer  I  ever  knew." 

HOW  TO  PUT  EARS  ON  A  MULE. 

An  old  farmer  in  Shelby  county,  Kentucky,  had  a  mare  that  gave 
birth  to  a  mule  colt  which  had  no  ears.  Otherwise  the  mule  was 
perfectly  developed  and  very  valuable,  so  he  consulted  with  a  veter- 
inary surgeon  in  Louisville  to  know  whether  or  not  he  could  in  any 
way  supply  the  ears.  The  veterinary,  after  hanging  his  head  in  pro- 
found study,  remarked: 

"Well  my  friend,  1  know  of  but  one  man  in  the  United  States 
who  can  do  that  job,  and  that  is  Billy  Bryan.  Considering  the  fact 
that  he  has  three  times  made  an  ass  of  the  Democratic  party,  it 
comes  to  me  he  might  easily  put  ears  on  a  mule." 

A  FATAL  STRAIN. 

Colonel  Wm.  G.  Welch,  of  the  Stanford  bar,  meeting  an  attor- 
ney from  a  neighboring  town  who  had  been  a  notorious  sinner, 
inquired  of  him  v.-hether  the  report  that  he  had  recently  joined  the 
church  was  true,  and,  being  answered  in  the  affirmative,  expressed 
his  profound  sorrow. 

"Why  should  you  regret  that  1  have  changed  my  course  and  am 
trying  to  lead  a  better  life?"  said  the  attorney. 

"Oh,"  said  Welch,  "of  course  that  is  not  cause  for  regret,  but  what 
distresses  me  is,  if  you  are  saved  the  strain  on  the  plan  of  salvation 
has  been  so  great  that  it  will  be  unable  to  give  any  relief  to  the 
other  sinners  in  the  world." 

WANTED  HIS  EXPENSES. 

Another  amusing  story  concerning  Colonel  Welch  is  that  on  one 
occasion  he  met  an  old  college  chum  whom  he  had  not  seen  for  years 
and  who,  in  the  meantime,  had  become  a  minister  of  the  gospel.  The 
preacher  told  Welch  of  his  conversion  and  with  tears  in  his  eyes 
begged  him  to  come  and  go  to  heaven  with  him. 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  59 

The  Colonel,  who  was  not  distinguished  for  his  piety,  very  po- 
litely replied : 

"All  right,  G ,  I  will  go  with  you  any  where  if  you  will 

only  pay  my  expenses." 

THE  "TARRIFIER." 

Colonel  Welch  was  distinguished  among  many  other  things  for 
especial  ability  as  a  cross-interrogator.  He  was  a  large  man,  very 
impressive  in  appearance,  and  exceedingly  courageous.  He  had  a 
devoted  friend  by  the  name  of  Bill  Lattin,  who  had  served  with  him 
in  the  Confederate  Army. 

Several  men  were  urging  the  merits  of  different  lawyers;  one 
contended  that  his  was  the  most  artful  pleader:  and  another  that  his 
was  the  most  successful  practitioner;  another  that  his  was  the  most 
popular;  and  another  that  his  was  the  most  learned  lawyer.  Lattin 
listened  attentively  to  all  they  had  to  say,  and  then  remarked : 

"Men,  you  may  all  think  and  talk  as  you  please,  but  you  are 
bound  to  admit  that  none  of  them  are  in  it  with  Colonel  Welch,  when 
it  comes  to  tarryfying  a  witness." 

BLIND  WATTS  AND  THE  LOST  PAPERS. 

Blind  Watts  was  a  sort  of  half-way  preacher,  who  lived  near 
Crab  Orchard,  Kentucky.  He  was  a  man  of  admitted  courage,  who. 
unfortunately,  now  and  then,  was  involved  in  litigation.  He  had  em- 
ployed Mr.  Bobbitt  to  represent  him  in  a  case  in  the  Lincoln  circuit 
court.  When  the  case  was  called,  it  was  announced  that  the  papers 
were  lost  or  misplaced.  Colonel  Welch,  who  represented  the  plaintiff, 
insisted  that  Watts  should  be  sworn,  saying  that  he  could  establish 
by  him  the  person  who  had  taken  the  papers. 

Said  Welch:  "Mr.  Watts,  when  court  adjourned  today,  and  you 
started  down  stairs  with  Mr.  Bobbitt,  did  you  not  say  to  him  that 
when  this  case  should  be  called,  the  papers  would  be  missing?" 

Watts  promptly  replied,  "I  did." 

"Well,  sir,"  queried  Welch,  with  a  savage  look  and  in  a  vigorous 
manner,  "did  you  not  mean  that  you  would  spirit  away  the  papers?" 

"No,  sir,"  replied  Watts. 

"Then,  what  did  you  mean  by  that  remark?"  said  Welch  with 
great  deliberation. 

Watts  answered :  "I  meant,  sir,  that  you  would  steal  the  papers." 

Welch,  indignant  and  excited,  roared  out.  "I  am  sorry  that  you 
are  blind." 

"So  am  1,"  responded  Watts  as  he  nervously  handled  his  cane. 


6o  Stones  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

AFRAID  HE  WOULD  RELEASE  THE  SECURITY. 

Colonel  Welch  related  a  most  amusing  story  concerning  his  friend 
Jess  Hocker,  v/ho  was  cashier  of  one  of  the  Stanford  banks.  Welch 
was  attorney  for  the  bank  and  said  that  Hocker  was  one  of  the  most 
watchful  and  best  equipped  bank  officers  he  ever  knew. 

Said  he :  "Above  all  things  he  is  most  particular  about  the  bank 
taking  any  steps  that  would  release  a  security.  One  day  he  rushed 
into  my  office  and  said :  'John  Jones  wants  to  pay  off  his  note  which 
falls  due  today.'  " 

"I  replied :  'Well,  that  is  all  right,  why  do  you  hesitate  to  accept 
the  money?*  " 

"  'Well,'  said  Hocker,  'Colonel,  I  was  afraid  I  might  release  the 
security.'  " 

WELCH  AND  THE  PREACHER. 

Colonel  Welch  was  an  atheist,  a  fact  well  known  to  all  his  ac- 
quaintances. In  a  celebrated  will  case  a  minister  by  the  name  of 
McElroy  testified  that  he  was  satisfied  testator  was  of  sound  mind 
because,  on  the  day  before,  and  a  few  days  after  the  will  was  made, 
in  a  conversation  with  him,  he  clearly  showed  that  he  fully  understood 
the  plan  of  salvation.    Said  the  Colonel : 

"Why,  Mr.  McElroy,  are  we  not  told  in  divine  literature  that  the 
plan  of  salvation  in  so  plain  a  way-faring  man,  though  a  fool,  can 
not  err  therein?" 

"That  is  true,"  responded  the  preacher,  "but  you,  with  all  your 
intelligence,  have  not  been  able  to  understand  it,  and  I  beg  you  to 
remember  that  the  good  book  also  says,  that  'the  fool  hath  said  in 
his  heart  there  is  no  God.' " 

PRAYER  WITH  A  CONDITION. 

The  following  is  one  of  Colonel  Welch's  best  stories : 
"A  good  old  Methodist  of  Lincoln  county,  Kentucky,  had  a  most 
obdurate  and  sinful  nephew.    He  had  tried  in  vain  to  encourage  him 
to  lead  a  better  life  and  had  even  taken  him  in  partnership  with  him 

under  the  firm  name  of  'W &  Nephew.' 

"The  old  gentleman  was  bald,  and  in  cold  weather,  usually  wore 
three  handkerchiefs  bound  one  over  the  other,  around  liis  head,  in 
addition  to  a  large  wool  hat.  He  was  a  most  devout  Christian,  and 
took  active  part  in  all  the  revivals  in  his  vicinity.  One  cold  winter 
night,  while  a  revival  was  in  progress,  he  was  called  upon  to  pray.  He 
accepted,  with  great  earnestness  praying  at  considerable  length,  and 
at  different  intervals,  as  he  grew  warmer,  unwrapping  a  handkerchief 
from  his  head  until  his  bald  pate  shone  like  a  halo.    As  he  proceeded 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  6l 

his  voice  grew  louder  until  it  almost  shook  the  rafters.     Near  the 
conclusion  of  his  prayer,  he  begged  in  most  piteous  tones: 

"  'Oh,  Lord,  please  turn  my  wicked  nephew  from  his  sinful  ways. 
Please,  please,  oh.  Lord,  enable  him  to  look  into  the  blackness  of 
his  sinful  heart.  Oh,  Lord !  take  him  by  the  nape  of  the  neck  and  the 
seat  of  his  breeches,  and  hold  him  over  the  roaring  flames  of  hell — 
but  please,  oh.  Lord,  please,  don't  let  him  drap.'  " 

NOT  RESPONSPONSIBLE. 

In  i860,  there  lived  in  Somerset,  Kentucky,  an  eccentric  young 
man  by  the  name  of  Bobbit.  He  possessed  a  rare  faculty  for  making 
extravagant  comparisons,  using  big  words  and  qualifying  his  nouns 
with  a  bewildering  selection  of  adjectives.  During  the  Presidentiah 
campaign  in  i860,  Colonel  Garrard  spoke  for  Douglas  in  Somerset, 
and  the  crowd  called  Bobbit,  who  was  for  Breckinridge,  to  answer 
him.    Mr.  Bobbit  said  among  other  things : 

"Gentlemen,  if  Colonel  Garrard  were  to  live  a  thousand  years,  sit 
every  night  by  his  nocturnal  luminary  and  have  for  his  teacher  the 
most  distinguished,  learned,  ubiquitous  and  extraordinary  scholars 
of  the  world,  he  would  not  at  the  end  of  that  time  know  a  thousandth 
part  as  much  as  I  know  now.  Indeed,  he  is  no  more  to  be  compared 
to  me  than  the  flickering,  unsteady  and  uncertain  light  of  a  tallow 
candle  is  to  be  compared  to  the  burning,  blazing  and  devouring  light 
of  the  great  sun  of  day.  He  is  no  more  to  be  compared  to  me  than 
the  smallest,  most  infinitesimal  and  disgusting,  emaciated  insect  is  to 
the  great  eagle  that  soars  aloft  and  wets  his  pinions  in  the  weeping 
clouds.  Pie  is  no  more  to  be  compared  to  me  than  the  most  insigni- 
ficant, worthless  and  undiscernible  mote  that  floats  in  the  circum- 
ambient air  is  to  be  compared  to  that  elephantostical,  rhinostopostos- 
tical  animal  denominated  the  Behemoth." 

At  this  point  Colonel  Garrard  arose  amid  roars  of  laughter  and 
said: 

"I  would  like  for  the  gentleman  to  explain  himself — I  do  not 
understand  him." 

Bobbit  arose  on  tiptoe  and  replied  with  withering  sarcasm : 

"My  God,  fellov/  citizens,  am  I  to  be  held  responsible  for  the 
gentleman's  ignorance?" 

This  remark  ended  the  debate. 

A  FAIR  CONVENTION. 

Mr.  Bobbit  removed  to  the  Blue  Grass  portion  of  Kentucky  and 
became  a  candidate  for  Congress.     He  was  asked  by  another  candi- 


62  Storit's  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

date  whether  or  not  he  would  abide  the  action  of  the  Democratic 
convention.     He  promptly  answered: 

"Yes,  if  it  is  a  fair  convention." 

Said  the  inquiring  candidate:  "Mr.  Bobbit,  what  do  you  call 
a  fair  convention?" 

He  promptly  answered :  "It  is  a  fair  convention  if  it  nominates 
me." 

This  definition  will  doubtless  prove  good  with  many  candidates. 

TOO  MUCH  NOISE. 

Some  years  ago  there  lived  in  Garrard  county  a  good  old  Pres- 
byterian preacher  by  the  name  of  Crowe.  During  a  protracted  meet- 
ing a  brother  was  praying  in  a  fog  horn  tone  of  voice  that  very 
greatly  annoyed  Brother  Crowe.  At  length  being  unable  longer  to 
restrain  himself,  Brother  Crowe  shouted  out  to  him : 

"Lower  your  voice,  Brother  Jones :  the  Lord  hain't  deef ,  and 
hain't  gone  nowhar." 

SOMETHING  COMMENDABLE  IN  EVERYBODY. 

A  pious  old  sister  of  the  Christian  Church  residing  in  Lancaster, 
Kentucky,  always  contended  that  there  was  something  in  everybody 
and  everything,  however  bad,  that  might  be  commended.  A  brother 
of  her  faith  disputed  the  proposition  and,  with  an  air  of  triumph, 
asked  what  there  "was  in  the  devil  that  might  be  commended.  The 
old  sister  hesitated  a  moment,  and  responded : 

"His  perserverance  and  persistency," 

LONGER  POCKET  OR  SHORTER  PISTOL. 

A  man  was  tried  before  Judge  Randall  in  Rockcastle  county, 
Kentucky,  for  stealing  a  pistol.  The  prosecuting  witness  stated  that 
he  saw  the  defendant  buy  the  pistol  from  a  stranger  the  day  before  and 
recognized  it  as  his ;  that  the  pistol  was  not  missed  from  his  house  until 
a  short  while  after  the  defendant  paid  him  a  visit  a  few  days  before, 
and,  that  when  he  claimed  the  pistol,  the  defendant  disputed  his  owner- 
ship. The  defendant  proved  by  a  man  of  questionable  repute  that 
he  saw  the  defendant  buy  the  pistol  from  a  stranger  the  day  before 
the  claimant  identified  it  as  his.  To  the  astonishment  of  not  a  few 
persons  the  jury  returned  a  verdict  of  not  guilty.  The  Judge  very 
heartily  condem.ned  the  verdict,  and  then  remarked  to  the  defendant : 

"Young  man,  you  are  now  discharged,  but  I  advise  you  the  next 
time  you  steal  a  pistol,  steal  a  shorter  one,  or  have  a  longer  pocket." 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  63. 

SORELY  DISAPPOINTED. 

Many  years  ago  there  lived  a  rugged  old  farmer,  known  as  Capt. 
Tom  Cogar,  on  Kentucky  River,  He  maintained  a  ferry  at  one  of 
the  numerous  crossings.  He  was  a  man  of  unquestionable  courage 
and  despised  all  shams.  At  the  same  period  there  was  a  lawyer, 
Sam  Lusk,  living  in  that  vicinity  who  was  Judge  of  the  circuit  court, 
and  very  much  such  a  man,  in  many  respects,  as  was  Captain  Cogar. 
The  two  were  warm  friends  and  went  together  to  Lexington  in  early 
days  to  see  the  first  theatrical  performance  which  was  to  occur  in  that 
city.  The  play  was  Richard  the  Third,  and  the  two  cronies  seemed 
well  pleased,  especially  at  the  death  of  Richard.  As  the  curtain  de- 
scended it  caught,  from  some  cause,  about  midway  between  the  flloor 
and  ceiling,  when  Richard,  supposing  the  curtain  down,  arose  and 
walked  off  the  stage.  With  a  look  of  disgust  plainly  apparent  in 
every  lineament  of  his  countenance,  and  with  an  air  of  keen  disap- 
pointment, the  old  Captain  said  to  his  equally  disgrunted  companion : 

"Thar  now,  Sam,  that  derned  feller  wan't  killed  after  all.  Let's 
leave  this  blamed  show,"  and  the  two  friends  arose  and,  arm  in  arra, 
but  sorely  disappointed,  left  the  house. 

THOMPSON'S  COLT. 

Having  frequently  heard  the  expression  when  a  boy,  "He's  as 
big  a  fool  as  Thompson's  colt,"  Senator  Bradley  asked  one  of  his  old 
Pulaski  county  friends,  what  was  its  meaning.  Whereupon,  he 
explained : 

"There  was  a  man  named  Thompson,  who  lived  on  the  Cumber- 
land River,  and  he  had  a  colt.  One  day  the  colt  v/as  very  dry  and 
wanted  a  drink,  so  he  went  down  to  the  river  and  swam  across,  and 
after  he  walked  out  on  the  bank,  come  back  to  the  river  and  tuck  a 
drink.    In  other  words,  he  swum  the  river  to  git  a  drink  of  water." 

IT  MIGHT  HAVE  BEEN  WORSE. 

Thompson  for  forty  years  was  night  clerk  at  the  Phoenix  Hotel  in 
Lexington,  Kentucky.  He  was  a  kind-hearted  old  Christian  gentle- 
man and,  whatever  happened,  when  informed  of  it,  he  invnriably 
observed,  "Too  bad,  too  bad ;  but  it  might  have  been  worse." 

One  morning  about  four  o'clock  a  bell-boy  bounded  into  the  hotel 
office  with  horror  depicted  on  every  feature,  and  exclaimed : 

"Mr.  Thompson,  that  New  York  man  jumped  from  the  third 
story  a  few  minutes  ago  and  dashed  out  his  brains  on  the  pavement!" 

"Too  bad,  too  bad;"  said  the  imperturable  Thompson,  "but  it 
might  have  been  worse." 


64  Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

A  drummer  standing  by,  waiting-  for  the  early  morning-  train, 
remarked : 

"Well !  I  would  like  to  know  in  the  name  of  all  that  is  holy,  how 
it  could  have  been  worse !" 

With  perfect  composure  the  old  man  turned  to  him,  and  replied : 

"Well,  he  might  have  fallen  on  some  man  walking  along  the 
pavement  and  killed  him." 

A  POWERFUL  SERMON  ON  A  PECULIAR  TEXT. 

Reverend  Peter  Turnipseed — no  one  ever  knew  how  he  received 
his  name — was  a  famous  negro  preacher  in  Kentucky  several  decades 
ago.  He  was  a  tall,  ungainly  man,  black  as  Egyptian  darkness,  v/ith 
hands  as  large  as  canvas  hams,  feet  like  baby  coffins,  and  a  voice  like 
a  fog  horn.  One  beautiful  summer  day,  he  preached  under  the  spread- 
ing limbs  of  an  old  elm  tree  to  a  large  concourse  of  his  people. 

"My  brudders  and  sistahs"  said  he,  "I  am  gwine  fur  to  preach  to 
you  one  uv  my  most  famousest  sarmints. 

"You  will  fine  my  tex  sum  whar  betwixt  the  leds  of  the  Bibel, 
y:act  pint  not  now  recumembered.  Hit  reads  as  follus : —  'Wharsumeb- 
i>cr  de  hen  scraitch  dar  she  fine  de  bug ;  also  cept  she  pick  him  up  an 
eat  him.' 

*'Now,  my  bruddahs  and  sistahs,  you  will  desarve  dar  am  two 
figgers  uv  speech  in  dis  tex.  De  fust  am  de  hen ;  de  secon  am  de  bug. 
Dar  is  no  use  in  my  'splainin  to  you  v/hut  a  hen  is,  fur  dar  is  not  a 
niggah  under  de  soun  ob  nii  voice  who  is  not  well  'quainted  wid  dat 
bird  and  does  not  knov>'  its  'culiarties,  bof  nite  and  day,  spechuly  in 
de  nite. 

"As  to  de  bug,  my  bruddahs,  you  all  know  what  he  is,  and  how 
many  ob  dem  crawl  on  de  groun.  Dar  is  de  June  bug  dat  de  chilluns 
tie  by  de  laig  an  maks  um  fly.  Dar  am  de  lady  bug,  wich  is  so  called, 
'cause  she  war  a  spotted  coat  and  puts  on  ars.  But  I  will  not  bodder 
you  to  tel  all  abov/t  de  bugs  'cept  to  say  dat  uv  all  de  bombile  Inigs 
in  de  worl  de  wust  am  de  humbug. 

"You  will  desarve  from  my  tex  dat  de  hen  am  doin'  sumtin ;  az 
uzas  she  am  a  scratchin'  and  not  only  am  she  a  scratchin,  but  she  am 
scratcM'.r  in  de  groun — ah!  An  not  only  am  she  a  scratchin  in  de 
groun — ah !  but  she  am  a  scratchin  for  a  bug — ah !  An,  my  sistahs, 
she  am  sho  to  fine  that  bug  'cept  she  pic  him  up  an  eat  him — ah ! 
In  case  ef  she  pic  him  up  an  eat  him  he  is  a  goner  and  she  cain't  fine 
liim — ah !  Dar-foah,  ef  de  hen  reely  wants  to  fine  de  bug  she  mus  be 
keerful  not  to  pic  'im  up  an  eat  'im,  because  ef  she  does  she  puts  it 
outcn  lier  powah  to  fine  him — ah ! 


Stories  of  PViUiorm  O.  Bradley.  6s 

"Dis  tex,  my  bruddahs,  haz  a  powful  meenin.  It  teachers  dat  it  am 
de  duty  of  ebbery  man  an  wummin  to  scraitch  in  de  groun  fur  a 
libbin — ah!  An  as  sho  as  God  made  littel  apples,  ef  da  ack  de 
hog  an  eat  things  soon  as  da  cum  acrost  um — ah !  da  will  nebber  fine 
nuthin — ah !  De  same  may  be  sed  ob  deligion ;  ef  yo  v/ant  it,  you 
must  scraitch,  an  keep  on  scraitchin  till  you  fine  it — ah !  But  ef  you 
swallers  down  ebberyting  you  come  acrost,  you'll  ruen  yore  digeschum 
an  nebber  fine  enny  thing — ah ! 

"In  clushen,  my  beloved !  Let  me  sa  yoo  mus  scraitch  in  de  mornin, 
scraitch  in  de  middel  ub  de  da,  scraitch  as  de  sun  am  gv/ine  doun, 
and  scraitch  ob  an  endurin'  ob  de  nite — an  keap  on  scraitchin  an 
scraitchin  til  yoo  fine  deligeon— ah !  An  when  yu  fine  it  yu  will  hab 
ebberyting  dat  is  wuth  ennyting  in  dis  wurl  an  de  nex — ah!  An 
now  while  de  congregation  sing  dat  good  old  hymn — 'Work  fur  de  nite 
am  cummin,'  de  invitashun  iz  lovinly  th rowed  out  fur  awl  dat  want 
to  scraitch  fur  deligeon  to  cum  forrard  an  scraitch,  an  scraitch  while 
dey  has  de  prars  of  de  congration — ah." 

DRIVIN'  'EM  ALL  BEFORE  HIM. 

In  the  early  days  of  racing  in  Kentucky  old  man  Searcy  owned 
a  race  horse  with  the  significant  name  of  "Botherem."  The  horse 
won  many  races,  but  the  old  man  forgot  the  increasing  weight  of 
years  and  insisted  on  entering  it  at  the  Crab  Orchard  races.  He  went 
with  high  hopes,  never  doubting  that  the  faithful  animal  would  win. 
As  the  horses  came  down  the  first  quarter,  "Botherem"  was  a  little 
behind,  but  the  old  man  never  doubting  the  outcome,  yelled  out : 

"Hurrah  for  Botherem !" 

At  the  half-mile  post  Botherem  had  fallen  considerably  behind, 
but  the  old  man  yelled  again.  At  the  three-quarter  post,  "Botherem" 
was  far  in  the  rear,  but  nevertheless  the  old  man  yelled  again,  and 
when  the  other  horses  were  nearing  the  end  of  the  last  quarter, 
"Botherem"  was  so  far  in  the  rear  that  it  was  difficult  to  see  him. 
However,  Searcy,  not  the  least  discomfited,  standing  on  tip  toes  and 
in  a  voice  that  could  be  heard  by  all  present,  yelled  out: 

"Rise,  my  h— 1-roaring  Botherem !  Yonder  he  comes,  drivin'  'em 
all  before  him !" 

READY  FOR  THE  BITE. 

Some  friends  in  a  Kentucky  county  were  spending  Sunday 
hilariously.  Finally  their  liquor  gave  out,  and  one  of  the  party  went  to 
a  distillery  about  a  mile  away  to  replenish  the  jug.  After  having  the 
jug  filled  he  sat  around  and  took  several  drinks  until  he  was  more 
(iian  "half  seas  over,"  when  he  started  to  return.     On  the  way,  finding 


66  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

himself  unable  to  navigate  farther,  he  sank  down  in  the  corner  of  a 
worm  fence  and  was  trying  to  refresh  himself  with  a  snooze,  when  a 
noise  attracted  his  attention ;  he  opened  his  eyes  and  saw  a  large  cop- 
perhead snake  coiled  near  him,  preparing  to  strike.  With  perfect 
composure,  he  exclaimed : 

"Strike!  strike!  you  copper-colored  son  of  a  gun;  you  could  not 
have  found  me  in  better  fix  in  a  hundred  years." 

AN  UNFORTUNATE  PROMPTER. 

"When  I  was  a  small  boy,"  said  Senator  Bradley,  "I  visited  my 
grandfather.  He  was  an  intelligent  old  man  of  extraordinary  re- 
ligious prejudice,  believing  that  heaven  was  made  especially  for  the 
Methodists.  Among  other  characteristics  he  was  unfortunately  en- 
dowed with  a  very  high  temper. 

"He  was  strict  and  regular  in  family  and  church  worship,  and 
resided  on  his  farm  a  short  distance  from  old  Gun's  Chapel,  one  of 
the  first  churches  erected  in  Kentucky.  From  this  church  he  fre- 
quently brought  preachers  to  his  home  and  generously  entertained 
them. 

"The  old  gentleman  had  two  prayers  which,  without  any  change, 
he  had  delivered  many  years,  one  for  family  and  the  other  for  church 
worship.  I  had  been  at  his  home  for  about  two  weeks  and  had  care- 
fully listened  to  his  prayer  until  I  knew  it,  word  for  word. 

"On  the  occasion  to  which  I  refer,  he  invited  a  preacher  to  spend 
the  night  with  him,  and  when  bed-time  arrived  he  took  down  his  old 
family  Bible  from  the  shelf,  and  with  several  members  of  his  family 
surrounding  him,  my  mother  and  myself,  asked  the  preacher  to  con- 
duct family  worship ;  who,  seating  himself  at  the  table,  read  a  chapter, 
then  called  on  my  grandfather  to  lead  us  in  prayer  (rather  unexpected 
by  him).  There  was  one  expression  in  his  prayer  that  had  made  a 
profound  impression  on  my  mind.     It  was  this : 

"  'Oh,  Lord,  bless  all  thy  Christian  people  all  over  the  land ;  yea, 
Lord,  from  the  heads  of  the  rivers  to  the  ends  of  the  earth.' 

"That  night  when  he  reached  this  portion  of  his  prayer  he  forgot 
tlie  latter  part  of  the  sentence  and  repeated  the  first  part  several  times 
in  a  vain  attempt  to  remember  it.  Being  kindly  disposed,  I  innocently 
concluded  to  assist  him,  so  I  spoke  out — 'from  the  heads  of  the  rivers 
to  the  ends  of  the  earth.' 

"He  sprang  from  his  knees  and  came  at  me  like  a  thunderbolt.  I 
hastily  retreated  under  the  bed,  and  he  pursued.  My  mother  seeing 
the  condition  of  affairs,  opened  the  door  at  the  foot  of  the  bed  and  I 
made  my  escape.    But  that  night  I  slept  in  the  barn,  and  did  not  come 


Stories  of  IVilliam  O.  Bradley.  67 

to  breakfast  until  I  was  assured  by  one  of  my  grandfather's  faithful 
slaves  that  he  had  forgiven  me.  It  is  perhaps  unnecessary  to  add 
that  I  never  undertook  to  prompt  him  again." 

SURPRISING  DISCOVERY. 

Some  years  ago  there  lived  in  Lancaster,  Kentucky,  a  very  kind- 
hearted  man — Sherman  Haselden.  He  was  gifted  with  a  dry,  matter- 
of-fact  sort  of  wit,  which  was  the  source  of  much  amusement  to  his 

friends.    He  had  an  old  Aunt,  Mrs.  D ,  who  was  an  exceedingly 

eccentric  woman  and  an  earnest  church-goer.  She  was  very  poor 
and  was  supported  by  Haselden,  who  furnished  her  a  home.  Talking 
with  her  preacher  one  day  she  went  on  to  say  how  good  the  Lord 
was  to  her.  She  said  that  he  fed,  clothed,  and  housed  her  in  answer  to 
her  prayers,  and  she  did  not  want  for  anything.  Haselden  was  stand- 
ing by  and  heard  her  remark.  Turning  to  a  friend  who  was  near  him, 
he  said: 

"I  never  have  been  so  agreeably  surprised.  I  never  knew  before 
that  I  was  the  Lord." 

A  FAIR  TRIAL. 

Charles  Redd  was  a  leading  farmer  of  Rockcastle  county.  Three 
men  had  been  indicted  in  that  county  for  the  murder  of  two  scarlet 
women.  The  excitement  against  them  was  intense,  so  much  so,  that 
their  attorneys  dared  not  allow  the  trial  to  be  had  in  that  locality. 
Hence,  they  made  a  motion  for  a  change  of  venue,  and  on  that  motion 
Mr.  Redd  was  introduced  as  a  witness.  One  of  the  attorneys,  after 
having  Mr.  Redd  state  that  he  had  lived  in  the  county  for  many  years 
and  was  v/ell  acquainted  with  the  sentiment  concerning  the  case,  asked  : 

"Mr.  Redd,  in  your  opinion  can  the  defendants  obtain  a  fair  trial 
in  this  county?" 

To  the  consternation  of  the  attorney  Redd  answered  in  the  af- 
firmative.   After  recovering  himself,  the  attorney  queried: 

"Mr.  Redd  what  do  you  call  a  fair  trial?" 

To  which  'the  answer  quickly  came  : 

"A  trial  that  will  result  in  all  three  of  them  being  hanged." 

"PAUL  AND  PETAH." 

Two  negroes  in  Frankfort,  Kentucky,  were  recently  discussing  the 
scriptures.  One  of  them  said  that  "both  Paul  and  Petah  were  niggahs." 
The  other  agreed  as  to  Paul,  but  vigorously  denied  as  to  Peter.  The 
first  speaker  then  turned  to  the  other  and  said : 

"You  ignorant  niggah,  what  do  you  know  about  do  'possels? 
How  do  you  know  Petah  was  not  a  niggah?" 


68  Stories  of  WUliam  O.  Bradley. 

"Becoz,"  said  the  second  speaker,  "if  Petah  had  been  a  niggah, 
dat  rooster  would  never  have  crowed  but  wunst." 

CRIPPLED  GLADIATOR. 

Among  the  many  distinguished  lawyers  of  the  Harrodsburg  bar 
there  has  perhaps  been  no  one  more  eminent  than  John  G.  Kyle.  In 
his  young  days  he  was  quite  a  florid  and  extravagant  orator,  which 
fact  caused  great  merriment  in  the  trial  of  his  first  case.  It  seems 
that  an  old  tailor  named  Felix  Matheny  was  one  of  a  number  of 
witnesses  for  the  defendant,  who  was  on  trial  charged  with  murder. 

Felix  was  an  old  man,  bent  and  crippled,  very  small,  and  one 
of  the  humblest  and  most  modest  old  creatures  who  ever  lived.  Kyle 
in  referring  to  him,  seeing  him  walk  down  the  aisle,  used  this 
language : 

"And  here  comes  Felix  Matheny  hobbling  into  court  like  a 
Roman  gladiator,  fresh  from  the  scenes  of  carnage  and  blood." 

As  the  old  man  came  v/alking  dov/n  the  aisle  during  this  flight 
every  one  present  was  convulsed  with  laughter. 

It  is  due  to  Mr.  Kyle  to  say  that  after  this  he  became  one  of  the 
most  accomplished  orators  who  ever  appeared  before  the  Harrods- 
burg bar.  This  was  only  a  boyish  effusion,  which,  however,  v/as 
always  a  source  of  merriment  to  him. 

LIBERTY  YOCUM. 

Late  in  life  Mr.  Kyle  delivered  an  argument  in  which  he  made 
a  most  amusing  reference  to  a  witness  named  Liberty  Yocum. 

Yocum  was  an  exceedingly  long-faced,  serious  looking  man,  and 
talked  with  great  deliberation.    Mr.  Kyle  said : 

"And  now  gentlemen  of  the  jury,  I  call  your  attention  to  the 
plaintiff's  witness.  Liberty  Yocum.  As  soon  as  I  heard  his  name 
uttered  my  mind  went  back  to  the  Revolution,  and  I  thought  of  that 
patriotic  expression  of  Patrick  Henry,  'Give  me  liberty,  or  give  me 
death.'  Imagine  yourself  lost  on  an  exceedingly  dark  night  in  a 
lonesome  swamp  containing  but  one  tree,  and  that  a  v/ithered  oak, 
whitened  with  age,  from  which  all  the  boughs  have  long  since  fallen, 
while  on  its  top  an  owl  sits  solemnly  complaining  to  the  night, — and 
you  have  the  picture  of  Liberty  Yocum." 

YOU'RE  NO  DEMOCRAT. 

No  man  in  Kentucky  had  more  intense  convictions  and  more 

bravely  gave  expression  to  them  than  Colonel  W.  C.  P.  Breckinridge. 

When  Mr.  Bryan  was  nominated  as  the  exponent  of  free  silver, 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  69 

the  Colonel  unhesitatingly  announced  that  he  would  not  support  him, 
and  vigorously  took  the  stump  in  opposition  to  his  election. 

During  the  campaign  he  addressed  a  large  audience  at  Paris,  mak- 
ing as  he  always  did,  a  magnificent  speech.  During  the  address  an 
intoxicated  man  arose,  and,  drawing  a  pistol,  exclaimed  in  an  excited 
and  insulting  manner: 

"You're  no  Democrat." 

Colonel  Breckinridge  turned  upon  him  and  retorted: 

"If  to  be  a  Deomcrat  it  is  necessary  to  draw  a  pistol  in  the 
presence  of  ladies  at  a  public  meeting,  then  I  am  no  Democrat.-  - 

"If  to  forget  all  the  proprieties  and  decencies  of  life  is  an  in- 
dication of  Democracy,  then,  thank  God,  I  am  no  Democrat." 

The  audience  was  in  hearty  sympathy  with  the  speaker,  and  a 
score  of  men  yelled,  "Take  him  out!"  and  made  a  rush  upon  the 
offending  individual  to  put  their  purpose  into  execution. 

"Oh,  do  not  take  him  out,"  Colonel  Breckinridge  exclaimed.  "I 
implore  you  to  desist.  Let  him  remain  near  the  fountain  of  knowledge, 
and  possibly  a  single  ray  of  light  may  pass  athwart  his  darkened 
reason." 

The  effect  was  electrical.  Round  after  round  of  applause  greeted 
the  speaker,  and  his  interlocutor,  heartily  ashamed  of  himself,  retired 
voluntarily,  a  sadder  and  wiser  man. 

WALKING   WITH   HIS   HEAD. 

Some  ten  years  ago  a  will  case  was  on  trial  in  the  Fayette  circuit 
court.  Colonel  W.  C.  P.  Breckinridge  representing  the  contestant,  and 
Mr.  Charles  Bronston  the  propounders  of  the  will.  The  fact  that  these 
two  well-known  attorneys  were  to  cross  swords,  naturally  drew  a 
large  crowd. 

The  testator  had  a  peculiar  movement  of  his  head,  which  never 
manifested  itself  except  when  he  was  walking.  An  attempt  was  made 
by  expert  testimony  to  prove  that  his  mind  was  unsound  by  reason  of 
disease,  and  that  the  peculiar  movement  of  the  head  under  the  cir- 
cumstances mentioned,  v/as  strongly  indicative  of  the  presence  of  that 
disease.  After  proving  by  the  witness  that  he  w-as  a  physician  skilled 
in  mental  diseases,  and  well  acquainted  with  the  deceased,  Breckin- 
ridge asked: 

"Did  you  ever  notice  any  peculiar  movement  of  the  testator  when 
he  was  walking  with  his  head?" 

The  failure  to  accentuate  the  latter  part  of  the  question  led  Mr. 
Bronston  quickly  to  ask  Col.  Breckinridge: 


7©  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"You  surely  do  not  mean  to  say  that  deceased  walked  with  his 
head?" 

The  question  elicited  much  laughter,  which,  however,  was  quickly 
turned  at  Mr.  Bronston's  expense,  when  Col.  Breckinridge  responded : 

"Well,  Mr,  Bronston,  you  surely  do  not  mean  to  intimate  that  he 
was  walking  without  his  head?" 

FIRST  EFFORT  OF  MILES  SCROGGINS. 

During  the  campaign  of  1899,  there  was  formed  in  Western 
Kentucky,  a  Republican  club,  among  whose  members  was  one  Miles 
Scroggins.  He  was  more  than  50  years  of  age,  noted  for  his  droll  wit 
and  funny  sayings,  but  had  never  attempted  to  make  a  speech. 

All  the  members  of  the  club  believed  he  could  speak,  if  he  would 
try,  and  frequently  attempted  to  have  him  make  the  effort. 

It  was  finally  determined  to  compel  him  to  speak.  So,  upon  the 
assembling  of  the  club,  he  was  called,  and,  declining  to  comply,  the 
boys  grabbed  him  and  forcibly  placed  him  upon  a  table,  amidst  the 
cheers  of  the  crowd.  To  the  astonishment  of  all  he  manifested  great 
embarrassment.  The  crowd  continued  to  yell,  and  finally  he  broke 
forth  as  follows : 

"Ladies  and  Gentlemen:  Oh,  I  beg  your  pardon,  there  are  no 
ladies  present  and  d — d  few  gentlemen,  if  any." 

After  this  sally  the  curiosity  of  the  crowd  was  satisfied,  and  no 
further  effort  was  made  to  have  Scroggins  make  a  speech. 

TWO  GOOD  REASONS. 

Judge  Owsley,  of  the  Eighth  Kentucky  Circuit,  was  well  ac- 
quainted with  nearly  every  man,  woman  and  child  in  his  district. 
It  was  his  custom  to  have  all  the  witnesses  present  when  a  case  was 
called  so  that  there  would  be  no  unnecessary  delay.  One  morning  the 
parties  announced  ready  for  trial,  and  when  the  witnesses  were  called, 
all  answered  promptly  save  Jack  Crawford,  who  was  a  close  friend 
of  the  Judge  and  universally  in  attendance  on  the  court. 

"Does  any  person  here  know  a  good  reason  why  Jack  Crawford 
is  not  present,"  asked  the  Judge  of  the  other  witnesses. 

No  one  answered  ;  the  Judge  again  propounded  the  question,  when 
Jack  Patton  one  of  the  witnesses,  replied; 

"Yes,  Jedge,  I  think  I  know  two  good  reasons  why  he  is  not  here." 

"Well,  what  are  they."  asked  the  Judge. 

"One  is,"  said  Patton,  "Jack  died  last  night  at  ten  o'clock,  and 
the  other  is,  when  I  left  thar  this  mornin'  at  seven  o'clock  he  was 
still  dead." 


Stones  of  IViiliam  O.  Bradley.  71 

ALL-SUFFICIENT  MOTION. 

Judge  George  R.  McKee,  a  brother  of  Colonel  William  McKee, 
of  Mexican  fame,  and  a  nephew  of  Judge  George  Robertson,  for 
many  years  practiced  law  in  Lancaster,  Kentucky.  During  a  great 
portion  of  his  time  he  was  addicted  to  drink,  and,  when  under  the 
influence  of  liquor,  was  considered  very  dangerous. 

An  old  magistrate  by  the  name  of  Schooler,  an  exceedingly 
honest  and  timid  old  man,  lived  near  the  town.  At  one  of  his  courts 
he  saw  fit  to  decide  a  case  against  one  of  McKee's  clients.  McKee 
retired,  loaded  up  with  whiskey  and  a  large  bowie  knife,  and,  coming 
hack  into  court,  verbally  moved  the  Squire  for  a  new  trial. 

The  Squire,  intimating  that  he  had  some  doubt  as  to  whether  it 
should  be  granted,  McKee  drew  his  knife,  and,  holding  it  aloft,  said : 

"If  you  don't  grant  me  a  new  trial,  d n  you,  I  will  hew  you 

down  like  Samson  hewed  Agag  in  the  Valley  of  Gilgal  before  the 
Lord." 

After  being  thus  threatened  the  old  man  fell  back  until  he 
almost  lost  his  balance  in  the  chair,  and  replied  in  a  voice  scarcely 
audible  : 

"George,  the  new  trial  air  granted." 

MULLINS'  FAMOUS  SPEECH. 

Many  years  ago  in  a  certain  county  bordering  on  the  Kentucky 
River  there  lived  a  unique  character  by  the  name  of  Mullins.  He 
was  elected  to  the  Legislature,  and  after  his  election  went  down  to 
Frankfort  on  a  boat  called  the  Blue  Wing,  which  at  that  time  plied 
between  Frankfort  and  points  south  and  southeast. 

After  having  served  one  session  of  the  Legislature,  to  his  great 
edification,  Mullins  returned  to  his  home  and  undertook  to  give  to  his 
admiring  constituents  an  account  of  his  stewardship.  While  not  as 
eloquent  as  Clay,  nor  yet  as  erudite  or  elegant  as  Webster,  he  possess- 
ed a  sonorous  voice,  accompanied  with  great  oratory,  which  made 
him  famous  for  miles  around.  Court  day  arrived.  He  mounted  the 
stand  and  among  other  things  said : 

"Feller  Citizens  :  When  you  elected  me  to  the  Legislature  I  wished 
that  I  mout  have  the  tallest  pine  tree  that  growed  in  the  mountings, 
so  that  I  might  strip  the  limbs  from  same  and  make  it  into  an  enor- 
mous pen,  and  dip  it  in  the  waters  of  the  Kaintuck  River  and  write 

acrost  the  clouds,  'God  bless  the  people  of County.' 

"Arter  you  elected  me  I  went  down  to  Frankfort  on  the  Blue 
Wing,  and  as  we  wended  our  winding  sinuosities  amidst  its  laby- 
rinthian  meanderings,  the  birdlets,  the  batlets,  and  the  owlets  flew 


12  Stories  of  IVillmvi  O.  Bradley. 

outen  their  secret  hidin'  places  and  cried  out  to  me  in  loud  voices : 
'Sail  on,  Mullins,  thou  proud  defender  of  thy  country's  liberties.' 

"When  I  reached  Frankfort,  I  went  up  into  the  Leg-islatur  hail 
and  thar  spied  many  purty  perlicues  a  hangin'  on  the  ceiling  to  pay 
for  which  you  had  been  shamefully  robbed  by  unjest  taxation.  When 
matters  of  small  importance  were  before  the  body  I  lay  like  a  bull 
pup  a-baskin  in  the  sunshine,  with  a  blue-bottled  fly  a-ticklin'  of  his 
nose ;  but  when  matters  of  great  importance  come  up  I  riz  from  my 
seat,  like  the  Numidian  lion  of  the  desert,  shuck  the  dew  drops  from 
my  mane,  and  gave  three  shrill  shrieks  for  liberty." 

DELICATE  WAY   OF  PUTTING   IT. 

But  few  Kentuckians  ever  reached  or  deserved  greater  promi- 
nence for  legal  ability  than  the  brothers  John  and  Philip  B.  Thompson, 
Sr.  They  lived  in  Harrodsburg  for  many  years,  the  former  having 
been  Lieutenant-Governor  and  United  States  Senator,  the  latter 
Commonwealth's  Attorney.  While  they  were  devoted  brothers,  they 
took  liberties  with  each  other  which  would  not  have  been  allovred 
by  either  to  a  stranger. 

The  Senator,  who  had  been  employed  in  a  case,  could  not  obtain 
the  papers,  and  the  only  thing  he  could  learn  was  that  his  brother 
had  taken  them  out  of  the  office;  so  he  arose  in  open  court  and  re- 
quested his  brother  to  return  the  papers.  The  brother,  with  an  as- 
sumed air  of  injured  innocence,  denied  having  the  papers,  and  said : 

"Brother  John,  you  surely  do  not  mean  to  accuse  me  of  stealing 
the  papers." 

"Oh,  no,"  responded  the  Senator,  "under  no  cimcumstances  would 
I  accuse  you,  brother  Phil,  of  stealing;  but  I  will  say  I  believe  that 
you,  like  old  Bluford  Wickersham,  would  bust  your  galluses  reaching 
for  things  that  did  not  belong  to  you." 

THE  JUMP-TAIL  JOSIE. 

Governor  Thompson  did  not  marry  until  far  advanced  in  years. 
His  wife  was  a  most  excellent  Christian  woman.  At  that  time  the 
ladies  were  wearing  very  short  dresses.  The  Governor,  in  address- 
ing a  jury,  said: 

"I  have  no  religion,  and  never  will  have.  My  only  hope  is  to 
reach  heaven  on  judgment  day  by  hanging  to  the  skirts  of  my  v.'ife ; 
but  if  she  should  have  on  one  of  these  jump-tail  josie  skirts,  and  I 
should  grab  for  it  and  miss  it,  to  hell  I'd  go  without  the  slightest 
doubt." 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  73 

"I'M  BOUND  TO  TALK  ABOUT  HIM." 

Judge  W.  C.  Gooclloe  was  for  several  terms  judge  in  the  Madison 
circuit  district  of  Kentucky.  He  finally  removed  to  Lexington,  where 
he  died. 

He  was  a  famous  judge,  regarded  as  one  of  the  ablest  the  State 
ever  produced.  His  knowledge  of  law  was  varied  and  profound. 
However,  he  was  no  speaker.  He  made  many  desperate  efforts,  but 
finally,  came  to  the  conclusion  that  he  was  not,  and  never  could 
become,  an  orator. 

When  quite  a  young  lawyer  he  was  employed  to  defend  a  man 
charged  with  murder.  Knowing  that  his  client  would  be  held  over 
and  indicted,  he  took  copious  notes  for  the  purpose  of  preparing  an 
elaborate  speech  to  be  delivered  on  the  final  trial.  The  principal  vv^it- 
ness  against  his  client  bore  the  euphonious  name  of  Williford  Wilkins, 

In  the  course  of  his  prepared  speech  he  set  himself  assiduously 
at  work  to  explain  away  the  damaging  testimony  of  this  witness. 

In  due  course  of  time  his  client  was  indicted  and  the  case  called 
for  trial.  Several  days  v>^ere  consumed  in  reaching  the  argument. 
Wilkins,  however,  died  before  the  finding  of  the  indictment,  a  cir- 
cumstance which  led  to  the  acquittal  of  the  Judge's  client. 

When  the  time  came  for  Goodloe  to  speak  he  arose  with  consider- 
able pertubation  and  launched  into  his  subject.  He  had  spoken  but  a 
short  time  when  he  announced  to  the  astonished  court  and  jury  that  a 
certain  statement  made  by  the  witness  Wilkins  was  not  true.  The  court 
reminded  him  that  no  such  witness  had  testified.  The  Judge  bowed 
profoundly,  acknov>^ledged  his  mistake,  and  continued  his  speech. 

In  a  short  while  he  again  referred  to  the  testimony  of  Wilkins, 
when  he  was  again  reminded  that  Wilkins  was  not  a  witness.  The 
Judge  was  now  red  in  the  face  and  was  evidently  much  embarrassed. 
However,  he  at  length  recovered  himself  and  again  resumed  the  thread 
of  his  discourse. 

Finaly  raising  himself  on  tiptoe,  in  a  ringing  voice  he  exclaimed : 

"I  would  not  hang  a  sheep-killing  dog  on  the  testimony  of  Willi- 
ford Wilkins !" 

There  was  a  shout  of  laughter  in  the  court  room,  and  the  court 
again  reminded  Mr.  Goodloe  that  no  such  witness  had  testified. 

The  Judge  vv'as  all  confusion,  but  snatching  up  his  manuscript. 
in  a  determined  and  desperate  way,  he  exclaimed : 

"J^clge,  he's  in  my  speech  and  I'm  bound  to  talk  about  him." 


74  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

UNCERTAIN  OF  THE  DATE. 

'*Uncle  Johnny  Kidd  was  one  of  Garrard  county's  best  citizens," 
said  Senator  Bradley.  "He  was  exceedingly  conscientious  and  truth- 
ful, as  well  as  cautious  in  his  statements.  Having  an  action  of  eject- 
ment in  which  a  corner  was  in  contest,  the  marked  tree  having  dis- 
appeared, and  Uncle  Johnny  being  a  man  advanced  in  years,  he  be- 
came important  as  a  witness  to  locate  the  corner." 

"After  he  had  stated  his  name  and  residence,  he  was  asked : 
"  'Uncle  Johnny,  how  old  are  you?' 

"  *Well,'  said  he,  'Billy,  I  is  somewhat  in  doubt.  I  don't  know 
adzackly  how  old  I  am.' 

"  'Well,  Uncle  Johnny,'  asked  I,  'In  what  year  were  you  born?' 

"He  responded,  'Really,  I  can't  tell  except  to  say  that  I  were  born 
in  eighteen  hundred  and  thirteen,  or  thirteen  hundred  and  eighteeti. 
I  can't  say  which.'  " 

EXBORBITANT  DOCTOR  FEES. 

Justice  Miller,  of  the  Supreme  Court,  before  he  read  law  lived 
in  Richmond,  Kentucky,  where  he  practiced  medicine  and  bore  the 
reputation  of  being  a  good  doctor.  He  presented  an  account  to  an 
old  neighbor  for  payment.  The  bill,  among  other  items,  contained 
three  visits  at  $i.oo  each.  His  neighbor  seriously  objected  to  this 
charge. 

"Now,  doctor,  you  ought  to  be  ashamed  to  charge  me  for  them 
visits  when  you  know  that  my  family  returned  every  one  of  'em/' 

The  same  patient  presented  himself  afterward  to  have  a  tooth 
pulled.  In  this  the  Judge  was  an  expert  and  drew  the  aching  molar 
in  a  minute.  For  his  services  he  charged  $i.oo.  The  patient  denounced 
the  charge  as  exorbitant. 

"Why,  doctor,  you  pulled  that  tooth  in  a  minute  and  now  want 
a  dollar,  when  old  Dr.  Sternberg  pulled  on  one  for  me  for  an  hour 
last  fall,  and  pulled  me  all  over  the  floor,  and  only  charged  me  fifty 
cents." 

THE  COUNTRY  GONE  TO  H— L. 

"Among  my  Democratic  friends  in  Garrard  county,  Kentucky," 
said  Senator  Bradley,  "was  a  large,  fine-looking  man  by  the  name 
of  Bill  Comly.  After  I  had  made  a  political  speech  in  which,  among 
other  things,  I  attempted  to  convince  the  audience  that  times  were 
prosperous,  for  which  the  Republican  party  was  entitled  to  the  credit, 
he  tame  into  my  office  and  attempted  to  correct  my  error.  He  had  a 
wise  way  of  turning  his  head  to  one  side  and  assuming  an  important 
look,  like  a  clucking  hen  that  had  found  a  worm. 


Stories  of  IVUliaw  O.  Bradley.  75 

'Bill,  you  are  all  wrong,'  said  he.  'Now,  jest  think  of  it,  a  few 
years  ago  I  used  to  ride  up  to  John  Huffman's  tavern  and  they'd  ring 
the  bell  and  take  my  fine  saddle  horse  to  the  stable.  I'd  go  in  and 
we'd  send  out  and  get  Henry  Bruce  and  Charlie  Gallagher,  and  when 
they  came,  old  John  and  myself  v/ould  set  down  with  them  and  play 
poker  till  dinner'd  come  up  in  a  tray.  We'd  stop  and  eat  and  then 
go  on  and  play. 

"  'We  could  have  every  thing  that  we  wanted  to  drink  and  would 
play  'till  the  sun  had  mighty  nigh  set.  Then  I'd  git  up  an'  go  down 
an'  pay  my  bill  like  a  gentleman,  mount  my  boss  an'  go  home  with  a 
full  stumick  and  a  full  pocket. 

'But  now,  how  is  it?  I  start  from  home  ridin  a  switch-tailed 
filly.  When  I  retch  town  I  hitch  her  in  a  back  alley,  where  she  gits 
nothin  but  fence  rails  to  eat,  go  and  git  five  cents  wuth  of  cheese 
and  crackers  for  my  dinner,  loaf  around  town  like  a  beggar,  for  I 
can't  have  a  game,  for  old  John,  Charlie  and  Henry  is  all  dead,  and 
no  one  left  to  take  their  places.  I  can't  git  a  drink  because  local 
option's  come  to  town,  unless  I  git  a  perscription  an  hide  behind  a 
door.  Night  comes  on,  I  mount  my  filly,  go  home  with  a  sad  heart 
and  an  empty  stumick,  an  narry  a  dinged  dollar  in  my  pocket.  I 
tell  you,  my  friend,  the  country's  gone  to  h — 1.'  " 

REPROOF  OF  A  BULLY. 

I"  ^^73>  Justice  John  M.  Harlan  was  a  candidate  for  Governor 
of  Kentucky  and  came  to  Lancaster  to  speak.  He  had  been  speaking 
but  a  few  moments  when  a  drunken  bully  commenced  interrupting 
him.  This  he  continued  for  some  time,  unnoticed,  but  at  length  Harlan 
grew  tired  of  it,  and  turning  to  him,  said : 

"My  friend  I  have  been  trying  to  place  you  for  some  time  and 
have  at  length  succeeded.  You  are  the  same  man  who  followed  a 
wagon  three  days  to  see  when  the  hind  wheels  would  catch  up  with 
the  fore  ones.  This  being  true  it  would  be  cruel  of  me  to  lose  my 
temper  by  reason  of  your  interruption." 

SENATOR  BLACKBURN'S  RETORT. 

In  the  celebrated  case  of  Commonwealth  against  Philip  B.  Thomp- 
son and  his  three  sons  for  the  killing  of  Theodore  Davis  and  his  two 
sons,  a  very  amusing  episode  occurred  between  Senator  Blackburn 
and  Governor  Bramlette.  Some  question  arose  concerning  the  com- 
petency of  testimony,  Mr.  Blackburn  objecting. 

Governor  Bramlette  took  the  floor,  he  then  being  connected  with 
the  Louisville  Law  School,  and  after  arguing  that  the  testimony  was 


76  Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

competent,  expressed  his  sincere  sympathy  for  Mr.  Blackburn,  because 
of  his  want  of  knowledge  of  the  law. 

"If  you  will  come  to  my  school,"  he  continued,  "I  will  try  to 
teach  you  at  least  its  rudimentary  principles." 

"I  have  no  doubt  that  you  are  a  most  faithful  teacher,"  Blackburn 
quickly  retorted.  "Indeed,  I  am  satisfied  that  by  reason  of  your 
desire  to  inform  others  you  have  parted  with  the  last  atom  of  legal 
knowledge  that  you  ever  possessed,  and  left  yourself  hopelessly  ignor- 
ant in  your  old  age." 

A  PRICELESS  DRINK. 

Senator  Blackburn  was  telling  a  friend  about  a  trip  that  he  took 
some  years  ago  over  one  of  the  western  plains.    He  said : 

"I  was  accompanied  by  an  Indian  who  in  some  way  found  out 
that  I  had  some  whiskey.  He  begged  me  for  a  drink,  time  and  again. 
He  first  offered  his  gtm  for  a  drink,  which  I  declined.  He  then  of- 
fered his  bridle  and  saddle,  which  were  likewise  refused.  He  then- 
offered  me  his  clothes,  gun,  saddle,  bridle  and  horse ;  but  I  refused 
to  accept  them." 

At  this  point  the  friend  said : 

"Why,  Joe,  what  on  earth  is  the  reason  you  refused  all  that 
property  for  a  drink?" 

"Great  God,  man,"  said  Joe,  "I  had  but  one  drink  left,  and  all 
the  money  in  the  world  would  not  have  bought  it." 

TWO  DETECTIVES. 

Many  years  ago  Senator  Beck  and  Senator  Blackburn,  the  latter 
then  a  member  of  the  lower  House  of  Congress,  were  asked  by  a 
Kentucky  friend  to  go  with  him  to  his  room  and  sample  a  jug  of 
McBrayer  whiskey.  The  invitation  was  accepted,  and  after  they  had 
each  taken  a  drink.  Senator  Beck  said : 

"That  is  splendid  whiskey,  but  has  a  strong  taste  of  iron  in  it." 

"Impossible,"  said  his  friend,  "there  is  no  iron  in  the  water  of 
Anderson  county,  and  the  contents  of  this  jug  were  taken  from  a 
barrel.    What  do  you  say,  Blackburn?" 

"Well,"  said  Blackburn,  "I  do  not  care  so  much  for  the  iron  taste 
as  I  do  for  the  taste  of  leather  in  the  whiskey." 

The  friend  again  exclaimed  : 

"It  is  impossible  that  there  should  be  any  taste  of  leather  in  that 
barrel  of  whiskey." 

On  his  return  to  Kentucky  the  mutual  friend  went  to  Mr.  Mc- 
Brayer and  insisted  that  all  the  whiskey  should  be  taken  out  of  the 


Storks  of  Williafu  O.  Bradley.  77 

barrel   and   a   critical   examination   made   of   its    contents.     To    his 
astonishment  he  found  one  small  piece  of  leather  attached  to  a  carpet 


DEATH  PREFERRED  TO  HEARING  A  SPEECH. 

The  following  story  is  told  on  Senator  Blackburn,  which  he 
denies.    However,  it  is  too  good  to  be  lost. 

Many  years  ago  a  man  was  to  be  hanged  in  Ow^en  county.  The 
Senator  was  a  candidate  for  Congress,  and,  knowing  there  would  be 
a  large  crowd  present  on  the  occasion,  concluded  he  would  go  and 
see  the  people  and  if  possible  make  a  speech.  He  secured  a  seat  near 
the  gallows.  The  Sheriff  escorted  the  condemned  man  to  the  proper 
place  and  notified  him  he  would  be  given  ten  minutes  in  which  to 
say  anything  he  chose.  The  man  said  he  did  not  care  to  say  any- 
thing.   Mr.  Blackburn  sprang  to  his  feet  and  said: 

"If  the  gentleman  does  not  desire  to  speak  I  would  be  glad  if 
he  would  yield  his  time  to  me  so  that  I  may  speak  on  the  tariff." 

"Hang  me!  Hang  me!''  shouted  the  condemned  man.  "I  would 
rather  die  than  hear  Joe  Blackburn  make  a  speech  on  the  tariff." 

A  DANGEROUS  WEAPON. 

All  who  have  the  pleasure  of  knowing  Senator  Blackburn  have 
noticed  his  large,  clear-cut  jaw. 

He  and  Ed  Marshall  were  once  opposing  candidates  for  a  Con- 
gressional nomination.  The  campaign  was  one  of  the  most  famous 
ever  pulled  off  in  Kentucky,  each  candidate  well  sustaining  his  repu- 
tation.   At  one  of  the  meetings  Marshall  said: 

"Fellow  citizens,  look  at  that  jaw,"  (pointing  to  his  competitor)  ; 
"Why,  Samson  slew  a  thousand  Philistines  with  a  thing  just  like  that." 

QUIETING  A  HOODLUM. 

Tom  Marshall  in  his  palmy  days  was  invited  to  Buffalo  to  speak. 
An  immense  crowd  v.^as  present,  but  before  he  had  spoken  two  minutes, 
a  drunken  man  in  the  audience  yelled  "Louder!"  and  repeated  his 
exclamation  several  times  to  the  intense  annoyance  of  Marshall. 
Finally,  Tom,  pointing  his  finger  at  the  offender,  exclaimed : 
"Fellow  citizens,  when  the  last  great  day  shall  come  and  the 
Angel  of  the  Lord,  with  one  foot  on  the  land  and  one  on  the  sea,  shall 
sound  out  in  trumpet  notes :  'Time  is,  time  was,    but    shall    be    no 

more,'  there    will  be    a  d n  fool  there    from    Buffalo,    shouting 

'Louder !  Louder !'  " 


7^  Stories  of  Williain  O.  Bradley. 

THE  USE  OF  JAW-BREAKERS. 

There  formerly  lived  in  Kentucky  a  lawyer  of  high  character 
and  great  ability,  whose  only  failing  was  the  use  of  jaw-breaking 
words  and,  occasionally,  Latin  sentences.  He  drew  a  mortgage  on 
a  growing  crop  and  any  other  crop  that  might  be  thereafter  grown 
upon  the  land,  for  the  payment  of  a  lien  note.  The  first  crop  was 
subjected,  and  he  brought  suit  to  sell  the  second.  A  demurrer  was 
filed  to  the  petition  on  the  ground  that  the  property  which  he  was 
attempting  to  subject,  did  not,  at  the  date  of  the  mortgage, 
have  a  potential  existence.  Judge  Owsley  indicated  that  his  mind 
was  made  up  adversely  to  the  attorney,  but  requested  him  to  pro- 
ceed with  his  argument. 

The  lawyer  arose  and  in  a  dignified  way  cited  a  case  referred 
to  by  Chitty,  where  a  mortgage  executed  upon  the  whale's  oil,  which 
might  result  from  an  anticipated  expedition,  was  enforced.  Then 
turning  to  the  court,  he  exclaimed: 

"So  it  is,  Your  Honor,  the  British  courts,  world-famed  for  their 
learning,  held  that  a  mortgage  upon  the  oil  of  the  great  whale,  that 
mighty  leviathan  of  the  deep,  as  he  wended  his  winding  way  amidst  its 
labyrinthian  passages,  was  a  good  mortgage." 

The  Judge  immediately  sustained  the  demurer,  and  this  gem  of 
oratory,  like  many  others  proved  abortive.  However,  it  is  now  rescued 
from  threatened  obscurity  and  perpetuated  in  book  form. 

INDECENT  EXPOSURE  CONTRIBUTORY  NEGLIGENCE. 

Judge  Toney,  an  accomplished  lawyer  and  jurist,  rendered  the 
following  opinion  as  judge  of  the  circuit  court  of  Jefferson  county, 
Kentucky,  in  the  case  of  Nick  Gosson  vs.  John  Bickel: 

"This  case  comes  out  on  demurrer  to  the  petition.  The  plain- 
tiff alleges  that  'the  defendant  employed  him  to  sprinkle  paris  green 
on  his  potato-vines  to  kill  ladybugs,  without  warning  plaintiff  that 
the  paris-green  mixture  was  poisonous ;  that  the  weather  was  hot, 
and  he,  the  said  plaintiff,  left  his  clothes  open,  and  that  the  flesh  of 
the  exposed  portions,  coming  in  contact  with  said  paris  green,  was 
poisoned,  and  that  he  was  thereby  made  sore  and  caused  to  suffer 
for  many  weeks  in  body  and  mind,  etc. ;  all  through  the  gross  care- 
lessness and  negligence  of  defendant  in  failing  to  give  him  notice 
as  aforesaid :' 

"The  demurrer  must  be  sustained  for  the  following  reasons : 
I.     "The  plaintiff  had  no  right,  in  foro  conscientiae  or  foro  externo, 

to  make  an  indecent  exposure  of  his  person  while  engaged  in 

killing  ladybugs; 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  79 

2.  "The  defendant  exceeded  the  scope  of  his  employment  in  sprink- 

ling pans  green  elsewhere  than  on  the  potato-vines,  as  his  ex- 
clusive agency  was  to  kill  ladybugs  basking  in  the  shade  of 
said  vines ; 

3.  "The  plaintiff's  act  in  allowing  the  defendant's  paris  green  to 

come  in  contact  with  his  flesh,  instead  of  with  the  flesh  of  the 
ladybugs,  was  unauthorized  and  ultra  vires; 

4.  "The  mental  and  physical  suffering  of  which  the  plaintiff  com- 

plains was  the  result  of  his  own  wrong  in  applying  the  defend- 
ant's paris  green  to  purposes  other  than  those  for  which  he  was 
employed  to  apply  it;  and  besides  is  damnum  absque  injuria. 

5.  "The  plaintiff,  in  opening  his  clothes  and  exposing  himself  to  the 

ladybugs  and  the  paris  green,  was  guilty  of  contributory  negli- 
gence. 

6.  "The  plaintiff  knew  as  well  as  the  defendant  that  paris  green 

was  poisonous,  and  if  he  did  not  know  it  this  suit  should  not 
have  been  brought  in  his  name,  but  by  a  committee  appointed  to 
represent  him." 

UNWILLING  TO  GO  TO  HELL  FOR  TEN  DOLLARS. 

In  Danville,  Kentucky,  there  lived  for  many  years  John  Peter 
Torrell,  a  Frenchman,  who  was  possessed  of  wonderful  wit.  For  a 
long  time  he  was  a  boot  and  shoe  maker,  but  finally  became  a  hotel 
keeper.  Time  and  again  he  ran  for  office,  insisting  that  the  people 
of  Boyle  county  should  elect  him  to  show  their  gratitude  to  LaFayette, 
his  great  and  good  countryman  who  had  rendered  such  signal  service 
in  procuring  their  independence,  but  from  sheer  lack  of  gratitude  or 
shameful  failure  to  appreciate  the  candidate's  many  excellent  qualities, 
the  people  permitted  his  invariable  defeat.  During  the  Civil  War  he 
made  a  pair  of  boots,  for  which  he  charged  ten  dollars,  for  a  young 
man  who  failed  to  pay  for  them,  and  who  volunteered  in  the  Union 
Army  and  was  killed. 

After  the  war  ended  he  presented  the  account  to  the  father  of 
tlie  young  m.an  for  payment.  The  old  gentleman  was  a  very  gruft' 
and  insulting  man.     Said  he,  to  Torrell : 

"Did  I  buy  these  boots?" 

Torrell  answered  in  the  negative. 

"Who  bought  them?"  asked  the  old  man. 

"Your  son,"  answered  Torrell. 

"Then  go  to  my  son  for  the  money,"  said  the  unfeeling  father. 

Torrell,  in  the  most  excited  manner,  responded : 

"Do  you  think  I  am  d — d  fool  enough  to  go  to  hell  for  ten 
dollars?" 


8o  Stones  of  WUllam  O.  Bradley. 

DREAD  OF  LAWYERS. 

A  distinguished  and  eccentric  preacher  wh.o  was  highly  preju- 
diced against  lawyers,  concluded  one  of  his  prayers  as  follows : 

"Oh,  Lord,  give  us  a  home,  'not  made  with  hands,  eternal  in  the 
Heavens.'  In  doing  this  we  pray  thee,  O  Lord,  to  be  exceedingly 
cautious  to  make  us  such  a  clear  and  unencumbered  title  that  all  the 
lawyers  in  hell  cannot  pick  a  flaw  in  it." 

HARD  TO  SATISFY. 

Captain  Phil.  Thompson,  of  the  Harrodsburg  bar.  v/as  one  of  the 
ablest  criminal  lawyers  who  ever  lived  in  Kentucky,  and  was  a  most 
agreeable  and  genial  gentleman.  He  was  defending  a  man  for  mur- 
der in  Washington  county,  and  being  asked  by  a  visiting  attorney 
what  v/ould  be  the  probable  outcome,  answered : 

"Well,  I  tried  him  once  and  the  jury  found  him  guilty  of  man- 
slaughter, and  fixed  his  punishment  at  four  years  in  the  penitentiary ; 
I  obtained  a  new  trial,  he  was  again  convicted  and  his  punishment 
fixed  at  ten  years  in  the  penitentiary.  Being  refused  a  new  trial  I 
prayed  an  appeal,  reversed  the  judgment  and  am  now  in  the  midst 
of  a  third  trial,  and  I  shall  never  rest  until  I  send  him  to  tlse  peniten- 
tiary for  life  or  hang  him." 

However,  on  the  third  trial  lie  succeeded  in  acquitting  his  client. 

A  SUFFICIENT  REMINDER. 

Shortly  after  tlie  Civil  War,  i!i  the  Anderson  circuit  court,  an 
ex-Confederate  soldier  was  indicted  for  stealing  some  cattle,  when 
Capt.  Phil  Thompson,  who  had  been  himself  a  Confederate  soldier, 
defended  him.  By  a  little  "sleight  of  hand"  the  Captain  secured  a 
jury  on  which  were  seven  ex-Confederates.  Jim  Morris,  Common- 
wealth's Attorney,  and  Tom  Bell  prosecuted.  Bell  spoke  first  and 
pictured  the  defendant  as  the  worst  of  criminals.  The  Captain's 
speech  was  short.  He  spoke  of  his  client  being  without  work,  in 
hard  lines,  and  with  a  large,  hungry  family,  admitted  his  guilt,  but 
declared  it  was  for  the  purpose  of  procuring  food  for  his  little  chil- 
dren.   He  dramatically  turned  to  one  of  the  jury  and  said: 

•'Tom  Turner,  when  you  started  South  to  fight  for  the  cause  we 
alt  loved  so  well,  you  stole  a  roan  horse  from  your  Uncle  Will." 

Then,  stepping  up  to  the  jury,  in  a  voice  scarcely  audible,  but  ex- 
ceedingly pathetic,  he  told  of  the  other  six  jurymen  stealing  horses 
when  they  raided  Kentucky  and  were  fleeing  from  the  enemy.  Then 
stepping  back  he  folded  his  arms  and  looking  toward  Heaven  ex- 
claimed :  "Let  him  v/ho  is  without  sin  cast  the  first  stone !" 


Stories  of  IVilliam  O.  Bradley.  8i 

The  jury  retired  and  in  five  minutes  returned  the  following 
verdict : 

"We  the  jury  find  the  defendant  not  guilty,  but  advise  him  to  be 
careful  in  the  future. 

TOM  TURNER,  Foreman.." 

PINKSTON'S  PUP. 

Senator  Bradley  once  visited  a  high  official  dignitary.  He  had 
known  the  gentleman  intimately  for  many  years  before  he  was  elevated 
to  office  and  had  always  found  him  an  exceedingly  genial  mail. 
Imagine,  therefore,  his  astonishment  v/hen  he  was  greeted  in  a  cold 
and  informal  manner  that  well  nigh  froze  the  marrow  in  his  bones. 
Of  course,  he  was  not  only  mortified,  but  offended,  as  well. 

In  speaking  of  the  occurrence  to  a  friend,  after  telling  him  of  the 
treatment  he  had  received,  he  said  that  the  official  reminded  him 
of  "Pinkston's  Pup,"  and  being  asked  to  state  why,  he  said : 

"One  of  the  characters  of  Madison  county,  Kentucky,  was  Wyatt 
Pinkston.  He  was  a  great  judge  of  dogs,  a  worthless  vagabond,  but 
shrewd  and  quick,  and  made  a  living  by  his  wits.  He  was  frequently 
in  court,  and  many  of  his  bright  sayings  have  been  treasured  up  by 
those  who  knew  him  best.  One  of  his  remarkable  performances  was 
his  testimony  in  the  case  of  old  Colonel  T ,  who  had  sued  Cap- 
tain L for  damages  because  of  the  killing  of  a  favorite  hound. 

"Pinkston  was  introduced  by  the  defendant  as  an  expert  to  prove 
the  value  and  character  of  the  animal.  After  having  stated  that  he 
was  a  judge  of  dogs,  had  great  experience,  had  dealt  in  them  for 
years,  owned  a  great  many,  had  hunted  foxes,  rabbits,  coons,  &c,  &c., 
and  had  been  a  dog  trainer  of  established  reputation  for  many  years, 
he  was  asked  to  state  whether  he  knew  the  dog  in  dispute,  and  his 
value  and  character. 

'Well,'  with  deliberate  emphasis,  he  answered,  'I  reckon  I  do. 
I've  knowd  that  dog  since  he  war  a  pup.  After  he  had  retched  full 
doghood  he  war  the  proudest  thing  I  eved  seed.  He  had  a  mighty 
purty  tail,  and  no  dog  ever  knowed  it  better.  It  curled  over  his  back 
like  a  wheel-rim.  He  war  all  the  time  a  playin'  with  it  and  a  tryin' 
to  put  on  style.    He  didn't  think  thar  war  any  other  dog  in  the  county. 

"  'Well,  he  commenced  a  curling  his  tail  and  he  curled  it  tighter 
and  tighter  until  he  got  it  curled  so  tight  he  could  not  get  his  hind 
legs  on  the  ground.  He  had  not  got  over  this  thing  entirely  when 
he  v/ar  killed  and  he  war  as  no  account,  worthless  a  hound  as  I  ever 
seed.     He  warnt  worth  a  cut  nine-pence.' 


82  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"I  fear  my  friend  has  been  playing  pranks  like  Tinkston's  Pup'. 
He  has  reached  an  altitude  that  I  cannot  hope  to  attain,  and  will  soon 
be  unable  to  put  his  hind  legs  on  the  ground,"  said  the  Senator. 

A  CROSS-EYED  BIRD. 

McKee  Fox  was  a  very  brilliant  attorney  of  the  Pulaski  county, 
Kentucky,  bar.  While  he  was  engaged  in  defending  a  man  charged 
with  a  crime,  the  Prosecuting  Attorney,  who  feared  the  influence  of 
the  defendant,  was  earnestly  engaged  in  attempting  to  escape  its 
effect. 

He  cautioned  the  jury  to  remember  the  eagle  in  the  storm,  say- 
ing that  they  should  imitate  him.  He  described  the  eagle  as  battling 
with  the  winds,  until  finally  rising  above  them,  with  one  eye  toward 
the  sun  and  the  other  toward  the  earth,  he  sailed  on,  oblivious  of 
all  that  was  beneath  him. 

"My  Lord,  what  a  cross-eyed  bird!"  remarked  Fox  aloud  in 
the  midst  of  this  oratorical  flight. 

Of  course,  this  destroyed  the  effect  of  the  speech. 

HIS  TWO  WORST  ENEMIES. 

Mr.  VanWinkle,  who  was,  for  some  reason,  very  much  disliked 
by  Judge  Fox,  the  father  of  McKee  Fox,  filed  a  demurrer.  The  Judge 
had  a  great  horror  of  demurrers  because  in  his  young  days  they  had 
frequently  proven  fatal  to  him.  When  VanWinkle  arose  to  discuss  it. 
McKee  remarked  "sotto  voce"  to  som.e  of  the  members  of  the  bar  : 

"There,  now.  I  feel  sorry  for  father.  He  is  confronted  by  his 
two  worst  enemies,  John  VanWinkle  and  a  demurrer." 

A  FAMOUS  DISPATCH. 

Among  the  numerous  lawyers  who  have  belonged  to  the  Lan- 
caster bar,  was  Henry  T.  Noel.  At  the  date  of  the  famous  dispatch 
hereafter  mentioned,  he  would  every  now  and  then  take  a  spree  last- 
ing as  much  as  a  week,  though  in  later  years  he  became  a  very  sedate 
and  sober  man.  When  in  his  cups  he  overflowed  with  good  nature 
and  said  many  amusing  things.  Whilst  on  one  of  his  periodical 
sprees  he  started  out  to  visit  different  towns  and  have  a  good  time. 
He  first  went  to  Danville,  about  twelve  miles  distant,  next  to  Har- 
rodsburg,  about  ten  miles  from  Danville,  next  to  Lawrenceburg,  about 
twenty  miles  from  Harrodsburg,  then  to  Frankfort,  about  twenty 
miles  from  Lawrenceburg. 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  83 

At  Frankfort  his  money  gave  out,  and  he  was  unable  to  pay 
expenses  to  his  home.  Under  these  circumstances  he  sent  his  good 
wife  the  following  dispatch : 

"Please  send  horse  and  buggy  for  me  to  Danville,  Harrodsburg, 
Lawrenceburg,  or  Frankfort." 

PATHOS   SPOILED. 

Ben  Lee  Hardin,  a  local  lawyer  and  wit  of  Harrodsburg,  tells 
a  story  at  the  expense  of  his  brother  Charles,  who  was  a  most  ex- 
cellent lawyer,  and  who,  in  his  younger  days,  was  given  at  times  to 
florid  oratory. 

He  was  arguing  for  the  plaintiffs,  two  women  in  a  damage  case, 
against  some  ruffians  who  had  burned  their  house  to  the  ground 
during  a  severe  venter. 

Said  he: — "Gentlemen  of  the  jury:  These  poor  helpless  and 
defenseless  women  were  driven  out  of  their  humble  home  into  the 
darkness  of  the  night.  Not  only  driven  out  into  the  darkness,  but 
driven  out  in  a  cold,  bitter  December  night  in  the  month  of  January."' 

AN  "INTERRUPTIOUS"  OLD  DADDY. 

Wm.  B.  Moore,  of  Somerset,  Ky.,  was  a  great  wit  and  a  ready 
speaker.  He  read  no  books,  and  did  not  apply  himself  in  any  way. 
but  nevertheless  now  and  then  astonished  tlie  best  lawyers  with  some 
unique  defense.  Attorney-General  James  and  Major  Bradley  in- 
stituted an  action  for  breach  of  promise  for  a  very  deserving  young 
lady  against  a  wealthy  young  man  in  the  Pulaski  circuit  court.  Thev 
expected  a  large  verdict  in  the  case. 

When  Moore  filed  an  answer  they  retired  to  the  jury  room  to 
examine  it,  and  found  it  to  be  in  these  words : 

"The  defendant  admits  that  he  promised  to  marry  the  plaintiff 
at  the  time  and  place  mentioned  in  the  petition,  and  this  he  says  he 
would  have  done  but  for  the  intermeddling  of  that  interruptions  old 
rascal,  her  daddy.  He  is  ready,  willing,  able  and  anxious  to  carry  out 
the  contract,  and  hereby  offers  to  discharge  same  and  tenders  himself 
in  open  court  for  that  purpose." 

The  result  was  that  the  couple  were  married,  and  the  attorneys 
for  plaintiff  recovered  no  fee. 

A  MEEK  ATTORNEY. 

The  Judge  of  the  Pulaski  circuit  court,  Thomas  Bramlette,  won 
great  distinction  on  the  bench,  was  a  gallant  Union  Colonel,  and,  later 


84  Stories  of  IViUiam  O.  Bradley. 

in  life,  was  Governor  of  Kentucky.  He  was  an  exceedingly  high 
temi>ered,  irascible,  and,  at  times,  a  tyrannical  Judge. 

Colonel  Sherrod  Williams,  who  was  practicing  law  at  Somerset, 
had  at  one  time  practiced  in  Louisville,  and  was  much  in  the  habit, 
when  arguing  a  case  before  Judge  Bramlette,  of  referring  to  some 
case  as  having  been  decided  by  the  Louisville  chancery  court.  This 
always  riled  the  Judge  and  caused  him  frequently  to  remark  that  he 
was  not  bound  by  the  decisions  of  that  court. 

One  morning  he  overruled  a  motion  of  Col.  Williams  for  a  new 
trial,  in  which  motion  Williams  had  referred  to  a  decision  of  the 
Louisville  chancery  court.  Williams  rose  to  his  feet  and  said  to 
the  clerk : 

"Give  me  an  exception  to  that  judgment  and  an  appeal  to  the 
Court  of  Appeals,  where  I  may  obtain  the  decision  of  a  court  that 
knows  something." 

The  Judge  colored  with  indignation  and  fined  Mr.  Williams 
twenty  dollars  for  contempt. 

The  next  case  he  decided  was  the  overruling  of  another  motion 
for  a  new  trial  made  by  Billy  Moore.  After  the  Judge  had  announced 
his  decision  Mr.  Moore  arose,  with  modesty  approaching  humility, 
and  said: 

"If  Your  Honor  please,"  he  said  meekly,  "will  you  give  me  an 
exception  and  an  appeal  in  that  case  to  the  Court  of  Appeals?  I  do 
not  ask  this  because  I  think  Your  Honor  has  erred,  but  because  I 
hope  the  Court  of  Appeals  may." 

THE  BLACK  MASONS. 

Many  years  ago  there  was  in  Kentucky  an  order  known  as  the 
"Black  Masons,"  the  main  object  of  which  was  amusement.  They 
initiated  candidates  in  such  ways  as  to  provoke  an  immense  amount 
of  merriment.  At  times  they  would  subject  the  candidates  for  ad- 
mission to  rather  rough  treatment. 

Billy  Moore  was  Attorney  for  the  order,  which  fact  was  un- 
known to  Bill  Dykes,  who  had  received  severe  treatment  which  con- 
fined him  to  his  bed,  and  he  sent  for  Moore  to  employ  him  to  institute 
an  action  for  damages.  Moore,  who  was  present  in  disguise  when 
ihe  initiation  took  place,  with  great  difficulty  restrained  himself  from 
laughing  outright  at  his  client's  recital  of  the  wrongs  inflicted  upon 
him.    After  he  concluded,  Moore  with  a  very  serious  air,  said  to  him : 

"My  friend,  when  I  was  initiated  in  the  order  I  was  treated 
even  worse  than  you,  and  like  you  I  determined  to  sue  for  damages, 
i)ut  v,^as  restrained  by  the  advice  of  a  friend,  who  suggested  that  I 


Stories  of  IVilliam  O.  Bradley.  85 

wait  a  month  or  so  until  I  came  to  understand  the  object  and  effect 
of  the  order.  Well,  to  make  a  long-  story  short,  I  anxiously  awaited 
the  outcome,  when  I  found  it  was  certainly  the  greatest  order  known 
among  men,  and  that  its  teachings  were  most  improving,  inspiring 
and  uplifting. 

"Now,  my  friend,  I  give  you  the  same  advice  that  was  given  me. 
Wait  a  little  while  before  you  do  anything  rash.  Continue  in  the  road 
in  which  you  have  started  and  you  will  soon  find  that  as  you  go 
higher  you  will  shine,  and  not  only  will  you  shine,  but  you  will  shine 
with  a  shination  that  cannot  be  outshone.  And  yet  a  little  longer, 
you  will  find  that  you  v.'ill  glitter,  and  not  only  will  you  glitter,  but 
you  will  glitter  with  a  glitteration  that  cannot  be  outglittered.  You 
will,  by  its  teachings,  be  so  elevated  that  you  can  look  into  Heaven 
itself  and  hear  the  angels  playing  their  golden  harps.  And  then  you 
will  be  ashamed  of  yourself  for  ever  having  thought  of  suing  such 
a  grand  and  glorious  order  for  damages." 

The  action  was  not  instituted. 

COURTROOM  REPARTEE. 

One  of  Kentucky's  ablest  lawyers  was  Colonel  Thomas  P.  Hill, 
of  Stanford.  Some  years  ago  he  appeared  before  Judge  Mike  Owsley 
with  quite  an  array  of  legal  authorities  to  argue  a  question  concerning 
the  construction  of  a  will.  He  had  straightened  himself  to  address 
the  court,  when  the  Judge  said : 

"Mr.  Hill,  I  do  not  want  to  hear  any  argument  from  you.  I  have 
already  made  up  my  mind  to  decide  the  case  for  you,  and  I  fear  if 
you  were  to  argue  it  I  might  change  my  opinion." 

"That  is  all  right,  Judge,"  retorted  Mr.  Hill.  "The  only  reason 
that  I  regret  you  have  prevented  me  from  making  the  argument  is  that 
you  will  never  be  able  to  give  any  good  or  sufficient  reason  why  you 
have  rendered  your  decision." 

JUDAS  AND  PETER  MIXED. 

A  speech  made  in  a  murder  trial  in  the  Rockcastle  circuit  court 
resulted  in  exposing  the  biblical  ignorance  of  one  of  the  most  prom- 
inent attorneys  who  practiced  at  that  bar. 

Mr.  Bobbit  appeared  for  the  prosecution  and,  among  other  things, 
said  to  the  jury,  that,  although  the  defendant  was  related  to  him,  the 
crime  for  which  he  stood  indicted  was  so  cold-blooded  and  brutal  that 
he,  in  discharge  of  what  he  believed  to  be  his  Christian  duty  and  his 
duty  to  society,  as  well,  had  volunteered  to  come  before  the  jury  and 
urge  that  defendant's  neck  be  broken  on  the  scaffold. 


86  Stories  of  IVilliam  O.  Bradley. 

One  of  the  lawyers  for  the  defense,  Colonel  Hill,  followed  Mr. 
Bobbitt,  and  after  referring  to  what  he  had  said,  exclaimed: 

"Gentlemen,  a  man  so  situated  who  appears  voluntarily  to  prose- 
cute, is  meaner  than  the  defendant,  even  though  the  defendant  were 
guilty  of  all  he  charges  him  with.  He  is  a  traitor  to  self-respect,  a 
traitor  to  his  own  blood,  and  a  traitor  to  the  memory  of  his  ancestors, 
He  is  even  meaner  than  Peter,  who  betrayed  his  Master  for  'thirty 
dollars  in  silver.' " 

Another  attorney  here  suggested : 

"No,  Colonel,  Judas." 

The  Colonel  turned  upon  him  and  nervously  jerking  his  glasses 
from  his  nose,  with  dramatic  power,  exclaimed : 

"No!  No!  Peter,  sah !" 

HURRAH  FOR  H L. 

Colonel  Hill  was  a  famous  orator  whose  hearing  was  not  very 
acute.  While  making  a  political  speech  in  Lancaster,  he  was  fre- 
quently interrupted  by  yells  of  "Hurrah  for  Hell,"  by  Ed  Cook,  who 
was  exceedingly  drunk.  Thinking  that  Cook  was  yelling  for  him, 
he  turned  to  him  and  making  a  profound  bow  said : 

"Thank  you,  sir.  Thank  you,  sir,"  to  the  great  discomfiture  of 
Cook  and  amusement  of  the  audience. 

A  SUCCESSFUL  DEFENSE. 

Many  3'ears  ago  there  lived  in  Garrard  county,  Kentucky,  an  old 

gentleman  by  the  name  of  S .     He  had  two  daughters,  one  of 

whom  married  a  man  named  W ,  and  the  other  a  man  named 

PI .     Both   couples  immediately  commenced  house-keeping  in 

the  neighborhood.  Meanwhile,  the  old  man  lost  his  wife,  and,  after 
mourning  for  what  he  considered  a  proper  length  of  time,  proceeded 
to  investigate  the  matrimonial  market. 

He  had  a  snug  little  farm  with  neat  and  comfortable  buildings, 
the  necessary  amount  of  stock,  some  ready  money,  and,  among  other 
things,  possessed  numerous  bee-gums,  and  a  lot  of  old  tobacco  which 
he  kept  for  individual  use. 

In  a  short  while  after  he  instituted  a  search  for  a  wife,  he  was 
rewarded  by  finding  a  handsome  widow  who  was  of  rather  unusual 
size,  but,  withal,  a  good  woman,  who  fitted  his  fancy,  and  they  were 
married. 

The  usual  rows  grew  up  in  the  family  on  account  of  the  second 
marriage,  and  many  things  were  done  by  his  sons-in-law  to  annoy 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  By 

and  bedevil  him.  At  length  his  bee-gums  were  spirited  away,  and 
a  short  while  after  his  tobacco  went  in  the  same  manner. 

S was  a  Christian  man,  but  this  was  more  than  he  could 

stand.  In  a  fit  of  anger  he  accused  his  sons-in-law  of  theft,  b)'^  reason 
of  which  each  of  them  promptly  sued  him  for  slander,  concluding  to 
obtain  his  estate  by  law,  as  no  other  opportunity  was  presented. 

When  the  case  came  on  for  trial,  S secured  the  services  of 

Major  Turner,  of  Richmond,  Ky.,  who  was  one  of  the  most  successful 
lawyers  of  his  day.  He  was  an  old-fashioned,  plain,  but  strong  speak- 
er, and  could  weep  copiously  at  a  moment's  warning. 

The  defendant  admitted  the  speaking  of  the  words  and  alleged 
their  truth.  At  the  conclusion  of  the  speech  for  the  plaintiff,  Major 
Turner  rose  and  addressed  the  jury  about  as  follows : 

"Gentlemen  of  the  jury,  you  all  know  my  client.  You  know 
that  for  more  than  half  a  century  he  has  led  a  spotless  life.  During  all 
that  time  he  has  been  a  zealous  Campbellite.  (The  jurors  were  mostly 
of  that  persuation,  a  fact  that  had  not  escaped  the  astute  Major.) 
You  know  that  not  a  great  v/hile  ago  he  lost  his  wife,  since  which  he 
married  a  second  time,  and  his  last  wife  sits  beside  him  to-day — and 
a  good-looking  woman  she  is,  too ;  one  whom  any  man  on  that  jury 
would  not  be  ashamed  of,  and  one  whom  I  would  be  proud  to  have 
myself."     (Here  the  old  lady  swelled  with  conscious  pride.) 

"After  the  marriage  the  old  man  settled  down,  hoping  to  pass 
the  remainder  of  his  days  in  peace  and  happiness.  When  the  winter 
came  on,  after  feeding  and  housing  his  cattle  and  partaking  of  his 
evening  meal,  he  would  sit  down  beside  his  companion  and  engage  in 
pleasant  conversation.  And  as  the  night  wore  on,  while  the  cold 
winds  were  whistling  around  his  cottage,  he  would  open  the  old 
cupboard,  and,  taking  therefrom  his  bottle  of  apple-brandy,  would 
made  tv/o  nice  toddies,  sweetened  with  honey ;  and  he  and  his  wife 
would  sit  down  beside  the  table,  while  the  hickory  logs  in  the  old- 
fashioned  fireplace  were  crackling  with  flames,  shedding  a  genial  glow 
and  pleasant  wannth  about  the  room,  and  sip  their  toddies ;  and  then 
the  good  wife  would  bring  the  pipes  and  tobacco,  and  they  would 
smoke  and  sip,  and  sip  and  smoke,  until  the  bliss  was  too  great  to  be 
marred  by  conversation.  Then,  in  profound  silence,  as  the  blue 
wreaths  ascended,  they  would  contemplate  them,  lost,  as  it  were,  in  a 
phantasamagoria  of  sentimental  perfectibility,  recalling  to  mind  the 
pleasant  memories  of  the  past,  and  feasting  on  the  thoughts  of  the 
felicity  of  the  present. 

"And  while  living  in  this  Eden  of  bliss,  with  not  a  wave  of  trouble 
rolling  across  his  peaceful  breast  (here  the  tears  streamed  down  the 


88  Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

Major's  face),  along  come  these  infernal  sons-in-law,  with  hell  in 
their  hearts,  and  without  fear  of  God  before  their  eyes,  and  stole  his 
bee-gums  and  tobacco,  and  then,  because  he  calls  them  the  thieves 
that  they  are,  sue  him  for  damages,  and  attempt  to  rob  him  of  his 
home  in  his  old  age. 

"Great  God,  gentlemen,  did  you  ever  hear  of  such  a  damnable 
outrage  ? " 

In  uttering  the  closing  sentence  the  Major's  voice  reached  the 
highest  pitch  and  rang  through  the  courtroom  like  a  trumpet  blast, 
and  with  the  perspiration  standing  out  in  great  drops  and  mingling 
with  his  tears,  he  took  his  seat  amidst  tumultuous  applause  which  the 
court  was  unable  to  restrain. 

It  is  perhaps  unnecessary  to  add  that  S won  his  case. 

MORE  TIME  THAN  NECCESSARY. 

Major  Turner  at  the  breaking  out  of  the  Civil  War  was  a  Soutli- 
ern  sympathizer  and  Ashly  Williams,  of  Lancaster,  Kentucky,  was  a 
very  bitter  Unionist,  known  as  a  dangerous  man,  and  was  the  self- 
appointed  regulator  of  politics  in  his  section.  The  Major  came  to 
Lancaster  on  legal  business,  and  shortly  after  his  arrival  v,^as  notified 
by  Williams  that  he  would  give  him  twenty  minutes  to  leave  town. 
The  Major,  knowing  the  character  of  Williams,  replied : 

"I  only  want  ten." 

THE  MOST  "HONESTEST"  MAN. 

"Judge  Durham  had  great  power  among  the  masses.  He  had  a 
way  of  impressing  the  truth  of  what  he  said  beyond  any  public  man 
I  have  ever  known,"  remarked  Senator  Bradley.  "I  have  frequently 
thought  that  he  had  a  face  like  an  affidavit,  Avith  a  notarial  seal  in 
the  lower  left  hand  corner. 

"While  the  Judge  was  an  excellent  man,  now  and  then  in  dis- 
cussing the  tariff  he  grew  very  extravagant,  a  failing  quite  common 
with  political  speakers. 

"At  Wade's  Cross  Road,  in  Russell  county,  was  gathered  a  crowd 
of  probably  three  hundred.  Among  them  Avas  an  old  gentleman  by  the 
name  of  Hill.  He  was  a  well-to-do  farmer  for  that  locality,  and 
ordinarily  a  quiet  man.  He  listened  with  the  utmost  attention  to  the 
Judge  while  he  told  how  the  poor  farmer  was  robbed.  The  tears 
stood  in  the  old  man's  eyes  as  the  Judge  drew  a  picture  of  his  con- 
dition, 

"  'Mr.  Hill,  that  suit  of  jeans  you  have  on  cost  you  ten  dollars,' 
said  the  Judge.     'But  did  you  know,  sir,  that  the  Vvool  in  it  is  taxed 


Stones  of  Williajn  O.  Bradley.  89 

by  this  infernal  tariff  500  per  cent,  and  that  the  bottons  on  it  are 
taxed  400  per  cent;  that  the  thread  in  it  is  taxed  150  per  cent;  the 
linings  are  taxed  175  per  cent;  and  the  cotton  batting  is  taxed  160 
per  cent?' 

"By  this  time  even  the  amiable  and  able  Judge  had  worked  him- 
self to  a  high  pitch  of  excitement,  and,  turning  to  the  old  man,  ex- 
claimed : 

"  'If  it  were  not  for  this  robber  tariff  you  could  buy  that  suit 
for  two  dollars.' 

"Old  man  Hill  could  contain  himself  no  longer.  He  sprang  lo 
his  feet,  and,  with  a  voice  as  keen  as  the  crack  of  a  whip,  yelled  out : 

"  'Rise,  my  Durham ;  I  have  always  knowed  that  you  was  the 
most  honestest  and  truthfullest  man  I  ever  seed.' 

"And  so  it  was  the  Judge  with  his  sober  face  and  earnest  manner 
was  the  most  impressive  and  dangerous  speaker  with  the  masses  in 
Kentucky  in  that  day." 

FOR  O'CONNOR  AND  THE  UNION. 

"There  were  many  amusing  incidents  in  the  campaign  for  Con- 
gress between  Judge  Durham  and  myself  in  1882,"  continued  Senator 
Bradley.  "We  had  a  pleasant  experience,  and  I  believe  each  of  us 
at  the  conclusion  entertained  higher  and  more  kindly  opinions  of 
the  other  than  at  the  beginning  of  the  campaign. 

"On  the  day  of  the  Jimtown  meeting,  while  the  Judge,  who  was 
a  very  tall  man,  was  speaking,  he  was  rudely  interrupted  by  a  man 
in  the  audience.  Fearing  that  the  interruption  came  from  a  Republi- 
can, I  arose  and  requested  him  to  please  not  interrupt  the  Judge. 

"He  very  promptly  told  me  to  'go  to  h — 1,'  a  request  I  did  not 
comply  with,  but  by  reason  of  which  I  took  my  seat. 

"The  Judge  (who  was  a  very  tall,  slender  man),  spoke  a  minute 
or  two  over  his  time.  I  was  standing  at  the  foot  of  the  platform, 
dressed  in  a  short  sack  coat,  which  made  me  appear  even  shorter  of 
stature  than  I  really  am,  with  my  documents  under  my  arm,  and 
quite  anxious  to  make  a  response.  The  man  who  had  interrupted  the 
Judge  looked  at  me,  and  then  looked  at  the  Judge.  Finally  he  yelled 
out: 

"  'Set  down.  Lengthy,  and  give  Chuffy  a  chance.'  " 

"This  sally  brought  down  the  house.  At  the  conclusion  of  the 
speaking,  not  understanding  why  the  man  was  so  impartial  in  his 
rudeness  to  the  Judge  and  myself,  I  asked  him  if  he  were  for  Grant." 

"  'No,'  he  replied  with  an  oath. 

"Then  I  inquired  if  he  were  for  Greeley,  when  I  was  sententiously 


90  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

answered,  'D n  Greeley.' 

"Then  whom  are  you  for?"  I  asked. 

"Turning  squarely  upon  me  and  raising  himself  to  his  full  height, 
he  replied: 

"  *I  am  for  Charles  O'Connor  and  the  Union.'  " 

THE  GREAT  COMPTROLLER. 

Judge  Durham  was  not  only  an  excellent  Representative  of  the 
Lower  House  in  Congress,  but  made  an  enviable  record  as  Comp- 
troller of  the  Treasury  under  President  Cleveland.  He  was  very 
proud  of  the  position  and  esteemed  it  as  one  of  especial  honor  and 
prominence. 

Theodore  Hallam,  of  Covington,  told  the  story  that  near  the  con- 
clusion of  the  Judge's  term,  he  accompanied  him  to  church ;  that  when 
the  preacher  asked  all  to  stand  in  prayer  he  and  the  Judge  arose,  among 
others,  and  when  the  minister  commenced  his  prayer,  "Oh !  Thou  great 
Controller  of  the  Universe,"  the  Judge  repeatedly  bowed  in  acknowl- 
edgment of  the  compliment. 

WILL  GO  STRAIGHT  BACK. 

A  lady,  seeing  Theodore  Hallam  coming  out  of  a  saloon  in  Cov- 
ington, exclaimed : 

"Why,  Mr.  Hallam,  I  am  astonished  to  see  you  coming  out  of 
that  saloon!" 

"Excuse  me,"  said  Hallam.  "I  thought  I  was  making  a  mistake 
in  coming  out.    I'll  go  straight  back." 

A  COMPLETE  REJOINDER. 

Richard  Smith,  editor  of  the  Cincinnati  Gazette,  and  Theodore 
Hallam  were  close  friends.  They  met  almost  daily  at  the  St.  Nicholas, 
in  Cincinnati,  about  noon,  to  lunch  and  convivialize. 

There  had  been  quite  an  ugly  controversy  in  the  Cincinnati  news- 
papers between  the  police  of  Cincinnati  and  Covington.  Among  other 
things  it  was  charged  that  the  Covington  police  were  harboring 
thieves  during  the  day  to  operate  in  Cincinnati  at  night.  About  this 
time  Smith  and  Hallam  met  and  this  dialogue  ensued : 

Smith: — "Hello,  Hallam;  I  see  you  are  harboring  Cincinnati 
thieves  in  Covington." 

Hallam  : — "Yes  ;  come  over." 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  91 

A  GENTLEMAN'S  SPREE. 

One  of  the  queer  characters  that  Garrard  county  produced  was 
Oscar  Tillett.  He  was  endowed  with  a  kind  heart,  pleasant  manners, 
and  rare  intelligence.  When  sober  he  was  an  excellent  business  man, 
but,  unfortunately,  he  was  given  to  frequent  sprees,  so  that  he  never 
accumulated  any  estate.  He  was  not  able  to  embark  in  business  by 
himself  and  consequently  worked  all  his  life  for  others.  For  quite 
a  while  he  clerked  in  Berkele's  store,  in  the  little  village  of  Bryants- 
ville.  As  soon  as  he  accumulated  as  much  as  one  hundred  dollars 
he  would  disappear  and  not  be  seen  for  a  week  or  ten  days.  Squire 
Berkele  was  a  tender  hearted  man,  and  continually  overlooked  Tillett's 
short  coming. 

During  one  of  these  absences  Berkele  received  a  letter  from  Til- 
lett, who  was  in  Cincinnati,  begging  that  some  money  be  sent  him,  so 
that  he  might  return.  The  request  was  promptly  complied  with. 
When  Tillett  returned,  Mr.  Berkele  delivered  to  him  a  severe  lecture, 
winding  up  by  saying : 

"If  nothing  else  will  do  but  to  have  a  spree,  why  don't  you  buy 
five  dollars'  v/orth  of  whiskey  and  have  it  out  here,  instead  of  going 
to  Cincinnati  and  spending  all  of  your  money?" 

Turning  to  him  with  an  expression  of  disgust  on  his  features 
Tillett  asked : 

"Mr.  Berkele,  how  could  you  expect  a  gentleman  like  me  to 
conduct  a  spree  of  any  magnitude  in  a  d— d  little  hog-wallow  like 
Bryantsville?" 

THE  NINETEENTH  CENTURY. 

Tillett  attended  a  debating  society  about  1900,  when  the  question 
for  discussion  was: 

"Are  we  living  in  the  eighteenth  or  nineteenth  century?" 

Many  heated  arguments  were  made  pro  and  con.  Finally  it 
came  to  Tillett's  turn,  and,  with  a  timely  illustration,  he  drove  his 
competitors  to  the  wall. 

"Now,  boys,"  said  he,  "supposing  any  one  of  you  was  plowing 
in  a  field  and  had  plowed  eighteen  full  rows,  and  had  started  on 
another  and  almost  completed  it.  Do  you  suppose  you  would  be  fool 
enough  to  call  that  row  the  eighteenth?  If  you  did  you  should  be 
promptly  tried  and  convicted  for  lunacy." 

THE  HEREAFTER. 

The  ruling  passion  was  strong  within  him  on  his  death  bed.  A 
minister  said  to  him : 


92  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"Mr,  Tillett,  you  should  prepare  for  death  in  order  that  you  may 
meet  your  friends  in  heaven." 

"Well,"  he  replied,  "Doctor,  I  reckon  I  don't  need  much  prepara- 
tion, for  I  believe  as  matters  now  stand  I  will  meet  the  great  ma- 
jority of  them  without  going  to  any  unnecessary  trouble." 

CHARGED  WITH  DYNAMITE. 

"Some  years  ago,"  remarked  Senator  Bradley,  "I  witnessed  an 
unusual  occurrence  in  the  courtroom  at  London,  Kentucky.  Judge 
Robert  Boyd  was  the  presiding  justice.  One  morning,  shortly  after 
court  had  begun,  Andrew  Jackson,  the  foreman  of  the  grand  jury, 
appeared  before  the  Judge  having  in  charge  a  woman  who,  he  stated, 
had  refused  to  testify  before  the  grand  jury. 

"The  Judge,  with  a  very  polite  bow,  said  to  her : 

'Madam,  it  is  your  duty  to  tell  anything  you  may  know  about 
any  violation  of  the  law  in  this  county,  except  of  course,  sucli  as  may 
have  taken  place  in  your  immediate  family.  It  would  be  very  dis- 
agreeable for  me  to  have  to  punish  you  in  any  way,  and  I  trust  that 
you  will  go  at  once  and  answer  the  questions  that  may  be  asked  you 
by  the  foreman  of  the  grand  jury.' 

"  Til  be  blamed  if  I  do,'  said  she  with  a  withering  look  of  scorn. 

"  'Mr.  Clerk,  enter  a  fine  of  ten  dollars  against  this  woman,'  said 
the  court.    'Now,  madam,  go  and  testify  to  the  jury  at  once.* 

"  'You  go  to  thunder,  you  blamed  old  fool,'  the  woman  retorted, 

"  'Mr.  Sheriff,  take  her  to  jail,'  roared  the  Judge. 

"  'And  hain't  I  already  in  jail  for  selling  whiskey,  and  brought 
outen  the  jail  to  testify?'  said  she,  and,  with  a  defiant  toss  of  her  head, 
she  passed  out  of  the  courtroom. 

"Being  very  fond  of  the  Judge,  and  quite  intimate  with  him,  I 
arose  and  said,  as  if  I  had  not  fully  gathered  what  had  been  going  on : 

"  'May  I  inquire  of  Your  Honor  what  the  lady  is  charged  with?' 

"  'I  don't  know,  sir,  but  I  think  she  is  charged  with  dynamite,' 
replied  the  Judge,  with  a  look  of  exasperation." 

THE  HANDWRITING  OF  JUDGE  BOYD. 

Boyd  enjoyed  the  reputation  of  being  an  upright  and  courageous 
Judge.  He  had  one  failing,  and  that  was,  his  handwriting  was  very 
difficult  to  read.  Indeed,  a  sheet  of  paper  with  his  chirography  on  it 
presented  more  the  appearance  of  the  wanderings  of  a  spider  that  had 
been  liberated  from  an  inkwell  than  anything  else. 

Like  all  men  who  write  miserable  hands,  the  Judge  v/as  extremely 
sensitive  on  the  subject,  and  on  one  occasion  inflicted  a  fine  upon  a 


Stories  of  V/illiam  O.  Bradley.  93 

lawyer  who  undertook  to  reflect  upon  his  handwriting  in  an  argument 
before  the  jury.  In  the  case  immediately  following,  Elijah  Hurst,  of 
the  Pineville  bar,  in  attempting  to  read  the  instructions  of  the  court, 
found  himself  involved  in  a  hopeless  labyrinth.  Not  desiring  to  meet 
a  fate  similar  to  the  attorney  who  had  just  preceded  him,  he  remarked 
to  the  jury : 

"Gentlemen,  I  am  not  able  to  read  Judge  Boyd's  writing,  not 
because  he  does  not  write  well — because  we  all  know  to  the  contrary — 
but  on  account  of  a  serious  defect  in  my  own  education." 

THE  LOAN  OF  A  CANNON. 

Judge  Boyd  was  one  of  the  attorneys  for  James  Sparks  and  Sonny 
Hodge,  indicted  for  murder.  It  was  proved  that  Hodge  loaned  Sparks 
the  pistol  with  which  he  shot  and  killed  Killion.  The  Judge,  in 
answering  the  attorney  who  had  severely  arraigned  Hodge,  said : 

"Jim  Sparks  had  been  driven  into  the  back  of  his  store-room  and 
barred  the  door  to  prevent  the  entrance  of  the  man  who  was  seeking 
his  heart's  blood  without  cause.  His  foe  was  battering  down  the  door, 
and  he  was  unarmed.  Under  these  circumstances  Sonny  Hodge  loaned 
him  a  pistol.  He  did  right  and  what  any  other  brave  and  honest 
man  would  have  done  under  the  circumstances.  If  I  had  been  there 
and  had  it,  I  would  have  loaned  him  a  cannon." 

NO  LAW  AGAINST  IT. 

Bill  Skyes  was  tried  in  the  Bell  circuit  court  for  disturbing  re- 
ligious worship.  The  only  proof  adduced  by  the  Commonwealth  was 
that  at  the  conclusion  of  the  sermon  in  a  late  revival  the  preacher 
had  requested  all  persons  to  stand  up  who  desired  to  go  to  heaven. 
All  arose  except  Skyes.  The  minister  then  asked  them  to  resume 
their  seats,  which  they  did.  He  then  requested  all  who  desired  to  go 
to  hell  to  arise,  when  Skyes  quickly  sprang  up.  The  Commonwealth's 
Attorney  having  announced  that  he  was  through  with  his  testimony, 
Judge  Boyd  instructed  the  jury: 

"Gentlemen  of  the  jury,  I  do  not  know  of  any  law,  statute  or 
common,  which  prevents  a  man  from  going  to  hell  when  he  wants  to. 
You  will  therefore  find  the  defendant  not  guilty." 

AN  EXTRAVAGANT  COMPLIMENT. 

Nath  Woodcock  lived  in  Danville,  Kentucky,  and  was  an  ac- 
complished traveling  man.  He  was  very  talkative  and  entertaining, 
as  well  as  exceedingly  popular.  He  happened  in  Lancaster  one  night 
when   a   church   supper   was   in   progress.     Hearing   of   it,   he   lost 


94  Stories  of  IVilliam  0.  Bradley. 

no  time  in  finding  his  way  to  the  place.  The  table  at  which  he  sat 
was  presided  over  by  Mrs.  B ,  a  most  excellent,  but  high  tem- 
pered, lady.  After  Woodcock  had  finished  his  repast  and  paid  for  it, 
he  said: 

"Mrs.  B ,  as  you  know,  I  am  a  traveling  man.    I  eat  at  all 

the  hotels,  great  or  small,  but  I  want  to  say  to  you,  madam,  that  you 
have  two  things  on  the  table  that  I  have  never  seen  excelled." 

Mrs.  B felt  highly  complimented,  and  with  a  most  be- 
witching smile  thanked  Mr.  Woodcock,  and  requested  him  to  mention 
the  two  articles.    With  a  very  dignified  bow,  he  responded: 

"The  pepper  and  salt ;"  but  in  order  to  save  himself  from  harm, 
he  immediately  retreated. 

AN  INJURED  DEBTOR. 

Among  the  many  celebrities  of  Garrard  county,  was  Alex.  Conn, 
known  generally  as  "A.  Conn."  He  was  very  erratic,  dead  game,  and 
did  and  said  many  amusing  things.  He  was  an  artist  of  rare  merit,  as 
the  portraits  that  adorn  the  walls  of  many  dwellings  in  that  section 
attest. 

Work  faithfully  as  he  might,  he  was  at  all  times  impecuniotjs, 
and  more  than  once  was  compelled  to  ask  his  friends  to  go  his  security. 
He  was  always  willing,  but  never  able,  to  pay.  By  reason  of  his 
financial  troubles  he  at  length  became  gloomy  and  irritable,  until 
finally  nothing  offended  him  so  much  as  to  be  dunned  for  a  debt. 

Colonel  J.  A.  Burnside  and  General  D.  R.  Collier  became  his 
sureties  on  a  note  which  was  from  time  to  time  renewed  until 
liquidated  by  them. 

The  last  time  the  note  was  presented  to  Conn  for  renewal  he 
lost  his  temper  and  said  to  the  banker: 

"Now,  I've  heard  as  much  about  that  note  as  I  want  to  hear. 
I'm  sick  and  tired  of  piddling  with  it  and  I'll  be  dinged  if  I  ever 
renew  it  again.  I'm  astonished,  sir ;  yes,  I  am  almost  paralyzed,  by 
your  presenting  this  note  and  having  me  wear  myself  out  signing 
my  name. 

"Why  don't  you  go  to  those  fellows  and  have  them  pay  it  and 
be  done  with  it?  The  darned  fools  knew  when  they  signed  it  that  I 
had  nothing  to  pay  with,  and  that  they  would  have  to  pay  it,  and  if 
they  had  any  sense  of  decency  or  propriety  they  would  not  thus  annoy 
and  mortify  a  friend  by  allowing  it  to  be  presented  to  him  every  few 
months. 

"No,  I  will  not  renew  it,  and  if  you  ever  ask  me  again  I  will  take 
it  as  personal  and  resent  it  as  any  gentleman  should  resent  an  insult." 


Stories  of  IViUiam  0.  Bradley.  95 

Having  thus  delivered  himself,  with  a  look  of  injured  innocence 
and  insulted  dignity,  he  angrily  walked  away.  The  cashier,  knowing 
"A.  Conn"  as  he  did,  never  presented  the  note  again,  and  it  was  paid' 
ofiP  by  Collier  and  Burnside,  who  preserved  it  in  order  that  they 
might  now  and  then  see  the  autograph  of  their  valued  friend. 

TWO  CELEBRATED  SPEECHES. 

One  of  the  most  famous  trials  that  ever  took  place  in  Kentucky 
took  place  at  Cynthiana  some  years  ago,  the  distinguished  Colonel 
W.  C.  P.  Breckinridge  appearing  for  the  defense,  and  the  Nestor  of  the 
local  bar,  Colonel  Harry  Ward,  for  the  prosecution.  Colonel  Breckin- 
ridge, with  that  pathos  for  which  he  was  famous  and  which  was  well- 
nigh  irresistible,  concluded  his  speech  by  asking  the  jury  to  acquit  the 
defendant  and  return  him  to  the  arms  of  his  weeping  mother. 

"Before  I  left  home  this  morning,"  said  he,  "my  wife  came  to 
me  and  placing  her  arms  around  my  neck,  besought  me  not  to  let  the 
heart  of  the  poor  boy's  mother  be  broken  by  his  conviction.  My 
daughter  then  came  and,  with  tears  in  her  eyes,  embraced  and  begged 
me  to  employ  every  energy  for  his  acquittal  and  spare  his  sisters  the 
mortification  of  conviction.  My  son  then  came  and  earnestly  besought 
me  to  save  the  young  man  from  being  torn  from  his  brothers  and 
confined  within  the  loathsome  walls  of  a  penitentiary.  And,  gentle- 
men, in  conclusion,  I  beg  you  to  protect  this  splendid  family ;  to  save 
the  peace  and  happiness  of  their  home  and  to  let  this  poor  boy  go 
forth  vindicated  from  this  foul  charge." 

At  the  end  of  the  speech  the  audience  seemed  spellbound.  Colonet 
Ward  arose  and  commenced  his  argument. 

"Yes,  gentlemen,"  he  began,  "I  ask  that  you  do  not  add  any  more 
sorrow  to  the  already  broken  hearted  and  weeping  mother,  who 
mourns  the  death  of.  her  boy,  by  acquitting  this  scoundrel. 

"Before  I  left  home  this  morning  my  wife  wound  her  arms  about 
me  and  said:  'Oh,  husband,  don't  let  the  jury  acquit  that  murderer 
and  add  fresh  sorrow  to  the  heart  of  the  poor  mother  who  weeps 
beside  the  grave  of  her  dead  son.'  And  then  my  daughter  came  "and, 
embracing  me,  said :  'Oh,  father,  do  your  best  and  don't  let  the  jury 
wound  and  mortify  the  sisters  of  the  dead  boy  by  turning  the  murderer 
loose.'  And  then  my  son  appeared  and  said :  'Father,  give  that  hellian 
all  he  deserves,  and  don't  allow  his  poor  brothers  to  be  outraged  by 
an  acquital.' 

"And,  please  God,  gentlemen,  I  am  here  to  carry  out  the  requests 
of  my  family  and  believe  you  will  assist  me  in  so  doing." 

The  defendant  was  convicted. 


9&  Stories  of  IVilliam  O.  Bradley. 

PRESERVING  HIS  TIME. 

Colonel  Ward  was  an  exceedingly  eccentric  man  and  a 
very  able  lawyer.  While  arguing  a  case  in  the  Court  of  Appeals  he 
was  frequently  interrupted  by  embarrassing  questions  propounded  by 
the  Chief  Justice.  At  length  he  could  stand  it  no  longer,  especially 
in  view  of  the  fact  that  his  time  limit  was  one  hour,  and,  in  an  inimi- 
table manner,  he  inquired : 

"Judge,  are  these  interruptions  to  come  out  of  my  time?  If  so, 
I  protest  against  them." 

A  PARALYZING  ANSWER. 

Colonel  Ward  made  some  personal  remarks  in  the  circuit  court  at 
Cynthiana  that  offended  the  Judge,  and  started  to  leave  the  room ; 
whereupon  the  Judge,  in  an  angry  manner,  inquired  of  him: 
"Do  you  mean  to  show  your  contempt  for  this  Court?" 
"No,  may  it  please  your  honor,"  responded  the  Colonel,  "I  am 
preparing  to  leave  in  order  to  conceal  it." 

HOLDING  HIS  OWN. 

Judge  Andrew  Kirk  tells  the  following  story  of  a  country  couple 
in  the  Kentucky  mountains. 

John  was  a  bashful  young  fellow  Vv-ho  had  been  visiting  Mollie 
for  some  time,  and  finally,  with  many  misgivings,  made  up  his  mind 
to  court  her.  There  was  only  one  room  in  the  cabin,  and  a  blanket 
was  stretched  across  it  about  midway  to  enable  the  old  people  to 
retire;  which  they  finally  did.  The  young  man  said  that  before  the 
parents  retired  the  old  clock  on  the  mantle  seemed  to  say,  "go  slow, 
go  slov/,  go  slow" ;  and  as  the  old  folks  were  tl-ere,  he  thought  it  was 
best  to  heed  the  v/arning.  Finally  the  old  folks  retired,  whereupon 
the  clock  changed  its  tone  and  seemed  to  say,  "go  fast,  go  fast,  go 
fast."  At  length,  he  said,  he  sorter  hitched  his  chair  up  closer  and 
said : 

"Mollie,  we  air  not  talkin  much,  air  we?" 

She  replied,  "No,  John,  we  air  not." 

He  then  moved  up  a  little  closer,  and  said  again : 

"Mollie,  we  air  not  talkin  much,  air  we?'* 

And  she  said  again,  "No,  John,  not  much." 

He  then  hunched  up  a  little  more,  put  his  arms  around  her  neck 
and  kissed  her  and  repeated: 

"Mollie.  we  air  not  talkin  much,  air  we?" 

Then  Mollie  replied: 

"No.  John,  we  air  not  sayin  much,  but  you  air  holdin'  your  own." 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  97 

AN  OLD  ACQUAINTANCE. 

Colonel  Dick  Wintersmith  was  a  practical  joker,  original  and 
unique.  During  the  Columbian  Exposition  he  startled  some  friends 
at  a  dinner,  speaking  of  Columbus : 

"Boys,  I  knew  him  well,  he  loved  a  drink,  was  fond  of  the  ladies, 
and  an  all-round  good  fellow.  His  death  was  the  cause  of  profound 
sadness  to  me,  which  I  have  never  been  able  to  entirely  overcome," 

"Why,  Colonel,"  said  one  of  the  group,  "Columbus  has  been  dead 
for  hundreds  of  years." 

"True,  only  too  true,"  replied  the  Colonel  with  a  deep-drawn 
sigh,  "How  time  does  fly." 

DETERMINED  TO  APOLOGIZE. 

Many  years  ago  the  Colonel  lived  in  Frankfort,  Ky.,  where  he 
acquired  the  intense  dislike  of  Colonel  Ambrose  Dudley.  Meeting 
Colonel  Dudley  one  morning,  Colonel  Wintersmith,  in  a  most  friendly 
manner,  said : 

"Good  morning,  Mr.  Dudley,  how  are  you  today?" 

Dudley  heatedly  replied :  "Don't  speak  to  me,  you  lying  scound- 
rel." 

Wintersmith  making  a  polite  bow,  said : 

"I  accept  your  apology." 

"Apology,  the  devil!"  retorted  Dudley.  "I  did  not  make  an 
apology.    I  repeat,  sir,  all  I  have  said." 

Again  Wintersmith  bowed  like  a  French  dancing  master,  and 
said: 

"Mr.  Dudley,  my  mother  always  taught  me  in  my  youth  when- 
ever a  gentleman  treated  me  with  especial  kindness  and  friendship 
not  to  disgrace  myself,  but  to  always  recognize  it;  and  I  repeat.  I 
accept  your  apology!" 

ANXIOUS  FOR  A  REPUTATION. 

Andrew  Conn  was  one  of  the  most  famous  fighting  men  that 
Garrard  county,  Kentucky,  ever  produced.  A  young  man  by  the 
name  of  Sadler  was  extremely  anxious  to  acquire  a  reputation,  so  he 
induced  Conn  on  Saturday  to  agree  to  allow  him  to  give  him  the  lie  on 
county  court  day,  the  next  Monday,  before  a  big  crowd,  and  fail  to 
resent  it.    He  believed  this  would  give  him  an  all  sufficient  reputation. 

So  the  next  Monday,  Sadler  walked  up  in  a  crowd  and  told  Conn 
he  had  lied,  whereupon  Conn  sailed  into  him,  mashing  his  nose, 
loosening  his  teeth,  and  blacking  his  eyes.    Finally,  Sadler  yelled  out: 

"Andy,  you  went  back  on  your  promise  I" 


98  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

Whereupon,  Conn  immediately  ceased  to  belabor  him,  and  replied : 
"Well,  Sadler,  you  must  excuse  me.     I  forgot  it  as  clear  as  a 
whistle." 

IMPARTIAL  MAGISTRATE. 

Conn  was  elected  Justice  of  the  Peace,  and  quickly  established  a 
reputation,  not  only  as  being  a  fearless  and  just,  but  an  exceedingly 

rough  and  uncouth  officer  of  the  law.    Steve  Holcolmb  had  sued 

Henderson  for  five  dollars  for  five  gallons  of  brandy.  Holcomb  was 
a  short,  fat  man  with  a  red  face,  large  abdomen  and  self  important 
air.  He  sat  down  on  a  bench  in  the  old  school  house  where  court 
was  being  held,  immediately  in  front  of  Conn,  and  folded  his  hands 
over  his  abdomen  with  apparent  Christian  resignation.  At  length 
Conn,  in  going  over  his  docket,  called ;  "Holcomb  vs.  Henderson." 

Holcomb,  quick  as  lightning,  jumped  to  his  feet  and  exclaimed, 
"Judgment!" 

"Stand  up,  Steve,  and  be  sworn,"  commanded  Conn. 

Holcomb  stood  up  and  said:  "Why,  Squire,  he  hain't  here  to 
deny  it." 

"You  do  solemnly  swear  that  you  will  tell  the  truth,"  said  Conn, 
ignoring  the  remark. 

"I  do,"  said  Holcomb. 

"Steve,"  inquired  Conn,  "did  you  deliver  five  gallons  of  brandy 
to  Henderson?" 

"Yes,"  answered  Holcomb. 

"Did  he  agree  to  pay  you  for  it?"  enquired  Conn. 

"Yes,  he  agreed  to  pay  me  one  dollar  a  gallon,"  answered  Hol- 
comb. 

"Has  he  ever  paid  any  part  of  it?"  asked  Conn. 

"No,"  replied  Holcomb. 

Conn  then  looking  severely  at  Holcomb  said :  "I  find  for  the 
defendant." 

Just  at  this  time,  looking  out  of  the  window,  Conn  saw  Hender- 
son riding  up.    Turning  to  Joe  Baker,  his  constable,  he  commanded : 

"Joe,  bring  in  Henderson." 

In  a  few  moments  Joe  returned  with  Henderson,  and  Conn  ordered 
him  to  hold  up  his  hands  and  swear  him  to  "tell  the  truth." 

"Now,  Henderson,"  said  Conn,  "did  you  ever  buy  any  brandy 
from  Steve  Holcomb,  and  if  so,  did  you  pay  him  for  it?" 

"Yes,"  answered  Henderson,  "five  gallons  at  five  dollars,  for 
which  I  paid  him  and  here  is  his  receipt,"  and  taking  the  receipt  from 
his  pocket-book,  he  handed  it  to  Conn,  who  looked  at  it  carefully, 
handed  it  back,  and  turning  to  Holcomb,  exclaimed : 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  90 

"There  now,  Steve,  didn't  I  know  you  had  sworn  to  a  lie?" 
"Rayly,  Squire,"  replied  Steve,  "I  furgot  that  receipt." 

SERIOUSLY  HANDICAPPED. 

Conn  was  a  man  of  unflinching  courage,  always  ready  and  anxious 
for  a  fight.  A  report  was  circulated  that  George  Best  had  denounced 
him  as  a  liar  and  he  had  failed  to  resent  it.  A  friend  of  Conn  could 
not  believe  the  story,  and  a  few  days  after,  meeting  him,  inquired 
about  it.  To  his  utter  astonishment  Conn  informed  him  that  the 
report  was  true. 

"Why,  Andy,"  said  he,  "I  would  not  have  believed  this  coming 
from  any  one  but  you.  I  know  you  do  not  fear  any  man  on  earth,  and 
never  before  failed  to  resent  an  insult.    Why  did  you  submit  to  it?" 

"Because,"  responded  Conn,  "I  had  told  a  lie  and  could  not 
afford  to  kill  him  for  telling  the  truth." 

ANSWERING  AN  UGLY  QUESTION. 

In  1870  Senator  Bradley  was  quite  a  young  man.  He  ran  for 
County  Attorney  of  Garrard  county,  Kentucky,  on  the  Republican 
ticket.  That  was  the  first  year  the  negro  voted,  and  as  there  were  about 
six  hundred  negroes  qualified  to  vote  in  Garrard  county,  which  was 
situated  in  the  Blue  Grass  where  there  had  been  many  slaves,  and 
which  had  theretofore  given  a  heavy  Democratic  majority,  there 
was  intense  excitement.  The  Democrats  were  highly  incensed  because 
the  negroes  were  to  vote,  and  there  were  many  Republicans  who  did 
not  entirely  approve  of  it.  The  bugaboo  of  "Negro  Equality"  was 
therefore  the  shibboleth  of  the  Democratic  campaign. 

On  county  court  day  the  candidates  of  both  parties  were  on  hand 
to  address  the-  voters,  and  Bradley's  speech  that  day  was  his  first 
political  effort.  The  Democrats  had  selected  a  man  who  had  killed 
another  man  and  who  did  not  represent  the  highest  type  of  citizenship, 
to  ask  Bradley  a  question.  After  Bradley  had  been  speaking  a  short 
while  the  interlocutor  arose  and  asked : 

"If  a  white  Democrat  was  running  for  an  office  in  this  county 
and  a  black,  ignorant  Republican  nigger  was  running  against  him, 
which  would  you  vote  for?" 

Under  the  cricumstances  this  was  a  dangerous  question,  for  if 
he  answered  that  he  would  vote  for  the  negro  there  were  a  number  of 
white  Republicans  who  would  refuse  to  vote  for  him ;  while,  on  the 
other  hand,  if  he  said  he  would  refuse  to  vote  for  the  negro  and  vote 
for  the  Democrat,  he  would  lose  a  number  of  negro  votes.  In  order  to 
gain  a  little  time  for  thought,  Bradley  professed  not  fully  to  vmder- 


100  Stories  of  IVilliam  O.  Bradley. 

stand  the  question  and  asked  that  it  might  be  repeated;  which  was 
promptly  done.  Bradley  turned  his  face  full  upon  his  interrogator 
and  replied : 

"If  the  Republicans  of  this  county  should  nominate  the  blackest 
and  most  ignorant  negro  in  the  county,  and  the  Democrats  should 
nominate  you,  I  would  vote  for  the  negro." 

The  answer  elicited  hearty  applause  from  both  parties,  and  thus 
an  ugly  complication  was  escaped. 

SPECTACLES. 

It  is  unnecessary  to  tell  who  Henry  Watterson  is,  as  his  name 
is  well  known  in  every  intelligent  household  in  the  land.  Neither 
is  it  necessary  to  speak  of  his  wonderful  ability,  his  charming  oratory, 
or  his  superb  social  and  intellectual  qualities.  Many  instances  might 
be  recounted  of  his  flashing  wit  and  biting  satire,  but  one  alone  will 
be  recited.  He  very  much  disliked  the  Honorable  Jim  Chrisman,  the 
representative  of  Wayne  county,  although  they  were  of  the  same 
political  faith.  Chrisman  was  constantly  favoring  some  proposition 
of  supposed  moral  conduct,  in  which  he  consumed  much  time,  and 
Watterson  had  no  faith  in  his  pretensions ;  hence  he,  in  derision, 
dubbed  him  the  "Christian  Statesman  from  Wayne." 

During  the  session  of  the  legislature  there  appeared  in  the 
Courier-Journal  from  Watterson's  pen  a  lengthy  editorial  entitled 
"Spectacles."  In  this  editorial  Watterson  took  up  the  whole  history 
of  spectacles,  telling  by  whom  and  when  they  were  first  invented  and 
the  various  improvements  that  had  been  made  in  them  in  the  course 
of  years.  He  recounted  all  the  distinguished  men  who  wore  them  in 
early  days.  He  also  spoke  of  the  different  kinds  of  spectacles,  their 
various  adjustments,  place  of  their  manufacture,  the  variety  of  frames, 
and  their  uses,  etc.,  etc.,  at  great  length. 

It  was  a  most  entertaining  article  written  in  Watterson's  best 
vein,  but  all  who  read  it  wondered  while  reading,  why  it  was  written 
and  what  place  it  had  in  the  editorial  columns.  This  was,  however, 
fully  explained  by  the  conclusion  which  was: 

"The  Christian  statesman  from  Wayne  does  not  wear  spectacles, 
but  insists  on  all  occasions  on  making  a  spectacle  of  himself." 

SAVED  HIM  THE  TROUBLE. 

John  Harney  was  a  contemporary  of  George  D.  Prentice,  one 
editing  the  Democrat,  and  the  other  the  Journal,  in  Louisville,  Ken- 
tucky. Harney  was  a  man  of  rare  intellect  and  literary  accomplish- 
ments, and  when  he  wrote  a  witty  thing,  which  was  not  often,  it  was 


Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley.  loi 

written  in  a  manner  that  indicated  he  had  uttered  it  from  a  sense  of 
duty,  more  than  from  a  desire  to  be  amusing.  Prentice  was  one  of 
the  most  gifted  writers  of  his  day.  Absolute  master  of  English,  a 
poet,  an  orator,  and  a  wit,  no  one  escaped  and  many  went  down  before 
his  trenchant  blade.  Sometimes  Mr.  Prentice  became  angered  and 
was  not  select  in  his  language.  In  a  very  sarcastic  and  bitter  editorial, 
occasioned  by  something  that  Harney  had  done  which  greatly  dis- 
pleased him,  he  wound  up  his  article  with  the  inelegant  expression, 
"the  editor  of  the  Democrat  has  made  an  ass  of  himself." 

Harney  answered  the  arraignment  with  an  air  of  injured  inno- 
cence and  remarkable  seriousness.  At  the  conclusion  of  the  article 
he  said : 

"The  editor  of  the  Journal  says  that  the  editor  of  the  Democrat 
has  made  an  ass  of  himself.  This  may  be  true,  but  the  editor  of  the 
Journal  may  congratulate  himself  that  he  never  made  an  ass  of  him- 
self, because  nature  saved  him  the  trouble.  However,  the  Lord  in 
tender  consideration  of  the  feeling  of  the  tribe,  made  his  ears  some 
shorter  than  those  of  his  kindred,  so  that  he  would  not  be  readily 
recognized  in  polite  society." 

UNKNOWN  TO  SHAKESPEARE. 

There  lived  in  Kentucky  many  years  ago  a  distinguished  lawyer 
by  the  name  of  Carpenter.  He  was  exceedingly  caustic,  and  usually 
carried  away  the  scalp  of  any  man  who  aroused  his  displeasure. 
While  engaged  in  a  trial  in  the  Franklin  circuit  court  he  was 
intensely  annoyed  by  Mr.  Spriggs,  a  very  loquacious,  persistent  and 
empty-pated  young  lawyer,  who  opposed  him.  In  the  concluding 
argument  Carpenter  reminded  the  jury  of  the  wonderful  writings  of 
Shakespeare,  saying  that  he,  of  all  men,  knew  most  of  human  nature. 

"But,"  said  he,  "even  he  sometimes  made  mistakes.  For  instance, 
he  once  said  there  never  would  be  a  time  when  a  man  without  brains 
could  live.  Could  he  have  been  able  to  look  into  the  future  and  fully 
appreciate  the  qualities  of  my  friend  Spriggs,  he  would  never  have 
given  utterance  to  that  remark." 

DECLINED  TO  ANTICIPATE  PROVIDENCE. 

Carpenter,  originally  of  Covington,  Kentucky,  was  a  very  peculiar 
man,  wandering  about  the  country  and  constantly  changing  his  abode. 
He  was  one  of  the  attorneys  of  Dorsey,  of  Star  Route  fame,  in  the 
trial  of  the  United  States  against  him.  After  Dorsey  had  been  ac- 
quitted, his  friends,  headed  by  a  brass  band,  gave  him  a  serenade  at 
his  hotel,  and  during  its  continuance  called  for  Carpenter  to  speak. 


I02  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

Thereupon,  Carpenter  appeared,  which  was  the  signal  of  great  clap- 
ping of  hands,  and  some  one  in  the  audience  shouted  to  him : 

"Give  the  Attorney  General  h 1!" 

Carpenter  turning  toward  the  speaker,  replied: 
"Excuse  me,  I  decline  to  anticipate  Providence." 

THE  LORD  CAN  DO  AS  HE  PLEASES. 

Years  ago  when  the  lightning-rod  craze  was  sweeping  Kentucky 
and  the  agents  were  reaping  a  rich  harvest,  one  of  them  appeared 
before  a  meeting  of  deacons  of  a  church  and  undertook  to  convince 
them  that  they  should  purchase  rods  for  the  protection  of  the  church. 
All  of  them  agreed  to  make  the  purchase  except  a  stolid,  well-to-do 
German.  When  twitted  by  one  of  his  brothers  for  stinginess,  he 
philosophically  replied: 

"Te  church  is  te  Lord's  and  te  lightnin'  is  te  Lord'?,  and  if  te 
Lord  vish  to  take  his  lightnin'  and  knock  down  his  own  church,  tat 
is  his  pisness." 

"A  TAMMED  TIGHT  SQUEEZE." 

John  Skimmerhorn  was  an  old  German  miller,  who  had  acquired 
considerable  property.  In  his  old  age  he  had  a  dream  which  he  re- 
lated with  great  gusto.    He  said : 

"I  treamed  dot  I  tied  und  vent  to  himmel.  Saint  Peter  he  stop 
me  at  te  door  and  enquire — 'vot  you  doin'  here  Skimmerhorn.'  I  set : 
*I  vant  to  git  in.'  He  set:  'Vant  you  a  miller  on  earth?'  I  set:  'Yes,' 
He  then  set:  'Your  toll  dish  vas  pigger  tan  your  half-pushels  und 
you  ropt  your  neighbors.'  I  set :  'Vel  tat  is  true,  put  i  gif s  all  I  takes 
to  de  vidders  and  orphens.'    He  set : 

"  'Veil,  tat  pein  true  you  can  cum  in,  put  it's  a  tammed  tight 
squeeze.'  " 

BEATEN  AT  HIS  OWN  GAME. 

When  Senator  Bradley  and  Judge  Durham  were  candidates  for 
Congress  in  1872,  their  first  debate  took  place  at  Campbellsville. 
Judge  Durham  was  an  old  politician  of  great  experience  and  shrewd- 
ness, who  artfully  played  upon  the  credulity  of  his  audience.  Bradley 
was  a  very  young  man  without  any  experience,  and  was  leading  what 
was  supposed  to  be  a  forlorn  hope.  Durham  bitterly  arraigned  the 
Republicans  for  taxing  whiskey  and  brandy  one  dollar  and  a  half  per 
gallon,  and  tobacco  sixty  cents  a  pound,  saying  that  it  was  worse 
than  highway  robbery. 

Bradley  quickly  comprehending  the  game  that  his  competitor 
was  attempting  to  play,  commenced  by  saying  that  the  people  of 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  103 

Kentucky  could  never  expect  any  relief  as  long  as  they  continued 
sending  Democrats  to  Congress  in  which  they  were  in  a  minority, 
and  for  that  reason  they  should  elect  him.  Tobacco  and  whiskey,  he 
said,  were  luxuries  and  the  Government  had  to  raise  revenue  to  pay 
expenses,  and  it  was  better  to  tax  them  than  tax  the  necessities  of 
life.  Th€n,  turning  to  the  Judge,  he  asked:  "How  much  do  you 
think  would  be  a  proper  rate  of  taxation." 

The  Judge  replied:  "Fifty-five  cents  a  gallon  on  whiskey  and 
thirty  cents  a  pound  on  tobacco." 

"Now,  fellow  citizens,"  said  Bradley,  "my  distinguished  com- 
petitor tells  you  that  the  tax  on  whiskey  and  tobacco  is  highway 
robbery,  and  yet  he  says  if  you  send  him  to  Congress  he  will  vote  to 
cut  it  in  two.  In  other  words,  he  proposes  to  perpetuate  that  robbery 
at  one  half  its  present  rate.  Elect  me  to  Congress  and  I  will  have  it 
all  taken  off,  and  have  the  Government  furnish  you  free  barrels 
for  your  whiskey  and  free  hogsheads  for  your  tobacco," 

A  SPIRITED  CONTROVERSY. 

Honorable  William  Herndon,  a  leading  lawyer  of  Lancaster. 
Kentucky,  who  won  distinction  as  Commonwealth's  Attorney,  relates 
the  following: 

"A  little  bunch  of  negroes,  seated  on  the  stone  fence  fronting 
the  courthouse  in  Stanford,  were  discussing  the  question  as  to  who 
was  the  greatest  speaker  in  the  State." 

"Said  one:  'My  man  is  Judge  George  Denny.  If  I  was  ealin' 
hog  and  hominy,  I'd  up  and'  strik'  fur  de  co'thouse  de  minit  I  heerd 
he  had  tu'n'd  loose.' 

"The  second  said :  'Boss  Bradley  am  my  man,  he's  de  mos' 
savigorous  man  in  de  wurl.  And  ef  I  wus  hongry  es  a  bar  and  had 
possum  and  taters  rite  skwar  between  my  teeth,  an  sum  wun  say  he 
wuz  gwine  fer  to  start,  I'd  lay  um  rite  down  and  not  tech  de  groun' 
mor'n  two  times  'fore  I  retched  thar  and  heerd  ev'ry  word.' 

"The  third,  with  a  contemptuous  expression  of  the  opinions  given, 
remarked :  'You  niggahs  ain't  got'no  larnin.  Marse  Dick  Warren  can 
lay  it  acrost  any  uv  um.  When  he  gits  up  an  spreds  hisself,  and  opens 
his  mouf  good  an'  wide,  you  can  hear  him  ni'  a  mile.'  " 

WOULD  KEEP  UP  WITH  THE  PROCESSION. 

Judge  Emmett  Field,  of  Louisville,  Kentucky,  who  was  a  most 
amiable  and  able  judge,  is  responsible  for  the  following: 

A  man  went  to  a  livery  stable  and  hired  a  horse  and  buggy.  The 
keeper  was  a  fussy  and  over-particular  man  and  cautioned  his  cus- 


I04  Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

tomer  that  he  must  not  drive  too  fast.  When  the  man  got  into  the 
buggy,  the  keeper  said : 

"Remember,  you  must  not  drive  that  horse  too  fast." 

The  customer  responded: 

"Look  here,  my  friend,  I'm  going  to  John  Smith's  funeral,  and 
I'll  keep  up  with  the  procession  if  it  kills  the  d d  horse." 

DISCONNECTED  SENTENCES. 

Matt.  O'Doherty,  of  Louisville,  Kentucky,  who  has  won  great 
distinction  as  lawyer,  judge,  and  politician,  was  arguing  a  case  in 
Judge  Evans'  court  against  a  fellow  attorney.  The  latter 
had  taken  detached  portions  of  two  decisions  and  blending  them,  con- 
tended that  the  two  jointly,  conclusively  sustained  his  contention. 
O'Doherty,  responding,  said  that  he  could,  by  similar  references  from 
the  Bible,  prove  that  it  advised  all  of  its  readers  to  hang  them.selves. 

"In  one  place,"  said  he,  "speaking  of  Judas,  we  are  told  'and  he 
went  and  hanged  himself.'  And  in  another  portion  of  the  scripture 
we  are  told.  'Go,  thou,  and  do  likewise.'  " 

A  COMMON  CARRIER. 

Ben  Lee  Hardin,  one  of  Kentucky's  wittiest  lawyers,  tells  the 
following  anecdote : 

Captain  John  J.  McAfee  (Ginger),  soon  after  procuring  a  license 
to  practice  law,  opened  an  office  and  swung  his  shingle  in  Harrods- 
burg,  Kentucky.  His  preparation  for  the  profession  was  meager  to 
an  abnormal  degree.  Two  young  society  gentlemen  from  Frankfort 
came  to  Harrodsburg  skylarking,  and  were  arrested  by  Bob  Gallagher, 
Chief  of  Police,  and  landed  in  jail.  Next  day,  much  humiliated,  they 
instituted  suit  for  $500  damages  for  false  imprisonment,  against  the 
city,  the  said  Ginger  drafting  the  petitions.  John  Kyle,  as  one  of  the 
trustees  and  myself,  acting  city  attorney  in  the  place  of  the  regular 
one,  filed  a  demurrer  to  the  petition.  Judge  Wickliffe  indicated  that 
he  would  sustain  the  demurrer,  but  gave  Ginger  until  the  next  morn- 
ing to  submit  some  authority. 

During  the  day.  Ginger,  at  a  loss  to  find  any  authority  germane 
to  his  contention,  submitted  the  matter  to  John  B.  Thompson.  Thomp- 
son, who  was  busy,  handed  him  one  of  the  Bush  Reports  wherein  was 
a  decision  as  to  the  liability  of  a  common  carrier.  Ginger  came  into 
court  next  morning  loaded,  and  during  his  extended  remarks  quoted 
nearly  all  of  the  decision.  The  Judge,  puzzled  at  Ginger's  attitude, 
queried : 


Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley.  105 

"Captain  McAfee,  how  is  the  liability  of  the  city  and  its  em- 
ployees related  to  the  law  governing  common  carriers?" 

Ginger,  complacently  secure  in  his  position,  pointed  to  the  afore- 
said Gallagher,  and  exclaimed : 

"There  is  the  common  carrier,  because  it  is  very,  very  common 
for  him  to  carry  people  to  jail." 

SWIMMING  THE  MISSISSIPPI. 

R.  D.  Hill,  former  United  States  District  Attorney  for  Kentucky, 
appeared  for  the  defendant  in  one  of  the  mountain  courts,  and  suc- 
ceeded in  winning  his  case  by  an  amusing  comment.  The  plaintiff  was 
a  tall,  lanky,  greasy  and  dirty  looking  individual,  with  exceedingly 
long  matted  hair,  which  hung  down  his  back  like  the  dirty  and  burr- 
filled  tail  of  a  neglected  sheep.  After  commenting  upon  his  condition, 
Mr.  Hill  pointed  at  the  plaintiff,  and  exclaimed : 

"If  I  were  a  louse  I'd  swim  the  Mississippi  river  to  get  to  that 
head." 

MAJOR   BRADLEY. 

Major  Robert  M.  Bradley  was  among  the  early  lawyers  of  Ken- 
tucky. He  was  left  a  poor  orphan  boy  at  the  age  of  twelve  and  had 
a  hard  struggle  to  obtain  a  very  limited  education,  and  his  license 
to  practice  law.  However,  he  soon  took  rank  among  the  foremost 
lawyers  of  his  day,  it  being  conceded  that  he  was  the  most  learned 
and  successful  land  lawyer  in  the  State.  At  that  time  land  titles 
throughout  the  Commonwealth  were  in  a  chaotic  and  complicated 
condition.  He  was  an  exceedingly  genial  and  entertaining  man,  a 
most  accomplished  story  teller,  and  "a  powerful  all-round  lawyer." 

CLIMAX  UNEXPECTEDLY  DESTROYED. 

Joshua  F.  Bell  was  called  in  the  fifties,  "The  Silver  Tongucd 
Bell."  He  was  a  man  of  extraordinary  literary  culture,  and  was  a 
great  popular  orator.  In  making  the  last  speech  in  an  action  of  slander 
at  Somerset,  Kentucky,  near  the  conclusion,  he  dramatically  exclaimed  : 

"Well  has  William  Shakespeare,  that  most  wonderful  judge  of 
human  nature,  said,  'Who  steals  my  purse  steals  trash.  'Twas 
mine,  'tis  his,  and  has  been  slave  to  thousands;  but  he  who  filches 
from  me  my  good  name — ,'  " 

At  this  point  Major  Bradley  interrupted,  by  saying: 

"Takes  that,  Joshua,  which  you  never  had." 

With  all  the  readiness  which  Mr.  Bell  possessed  as  a  speaker  he 
was  unable  to  meet  this  thrust,  made,  of  course,  good  naturedly,  but 


lo6  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

for  the  purpose,  and  with  the  effect,  of  destroying  the  force  of  the 
very  elegant  speech  which  he  was  then  making  to  the  jury. 

WANT  OF  INFORMATION. 

The  judge  of  the  Garrard  circuit  court,  in  calHng  his  docket, 

recited  the  style  of  each  case  with  the  names  of  opposing  counsel, 

thus: 

''John  Smith  against  Wm,  Jones ;  R.  D.  Lusk  for  the  plaintiff, 

Richard  Sloan  for  the  defendant." 

Mr.  Sloan  was  not  present.    Turning  to  Lusk,  the  judge  inquired : 
"Mr.  Lusk,  what  disposition  will  you  have  made  of  this  case?" 
"I  do  not  believe  I  am  for  the  plaintiff  in  that  case,"  Mr.  Lusk 

replied.     "But  not  being  certain,  I  will  ask  your  honor  to  continue 

the  case  for  want  of  information." 

"Judge,  I  think  it  would  be  a  good  idea  for  you  to  continue  all 

of  Mr.  Lusk's  cases  for  the  same  reason,"  interposed  Major  Bradley. 

PRODUCTION  OF  THE  WEAPON  SUFFICIENT. 

Martin  Owens  had  been  sued  in  a  number  of  cases  in  the  Pulaski 
circuit  court,  and  continued  some  three  or  four  of  them  on  his  sworn 
examination.  At  length  a  case  was  called  in  which  Major  Bradley 
represented  the  plaintiff.  Owens'  attorney  announced  defendant  not 
ready. 

"Stand  up,  Mr.  Owens,  and  be  sworn." 

Owens,  who  was  a  tall,  rawboned  man,  with  long  arms,  promptly 
arose  and  extended  his  arm  aloft,  preparatory  to  taking  the  oath. 

"Sit  down,  Mr.  Owens,"  said  Major  Bradley,  "the  production  of 
the  weapon  is  sufficient." 

A  TORY  LAW  BOOK. 

In  their  young  manhood  Major  Bradley  and  George  R.  McKee, 
attended  a  court  before  Squire  Dan  Ray  in  Garrard  county. 

The  Squire  was  a  man  of  large  physical  proportions  and  exceed- 
ingly proud  of  the  fact  that  his  grandfather  had  been  a  Revolutionary 
soldier.  If  there  was  anything  on  earth  that  he  hated  worse  than  a 
Tory  the  fact  was  never  made  known. 

McKee,  in  making  his  argument  for  the  plaintiff,  read  liberally 
from  Blackstone's  Commentaries,  which  fully  sustained  his  conten- 
tion. Major  Bradley  seeing  that  the  Squire  was  seriously  impressed, 
and  knowing  that  the  law  was  unfavorable  to  his  client,  hit  upon  a 
happy  expedient ;  so,  when  he  arose,  he  reminded  the  court  of  the 
Revolutionary  War  and  the  distinction  that  his  grandfather  had  won 


Stories  of  IVilHam  O.  Bradley.  I07 

on  the  battlefield.    He  alluded  in  terms  of  praise  to  the  courage  and 
patriotism  of  the  Squire  and  exclaimed : 

"I  know  that  you  will  not  only  be  surprised  but  grieved  and 
insulted  as  well,  when  I  tell  you  that  Mr.  McKee  has  attempted  to  im- 
pose upon  you  by  reading  from  a  Tory  law  book." 

He  then  turned  to  the  title  page  and  showed  the  court  who 
Blackstone  was,  and  that  the  book  was  published  in  London,  England. 
The  old  Squire's  face  grew  white  and  in  a  voice  broken  with  anger, 
he  addressed  McKee: 

"McKee,  if  I  was  in  Lancaster  I  would  send  you  to  jail,  but  under 
the  circumstances  I  cannot  do  this  as  I  have  no  jail  here.  I  will  have 
you  to  know,  however,  that  you  have  burnt  your  shirt  with  me,  and 
that  I  don't  want  you  ever  to  come  before  me  again :— Judgment  for 
the  defendant." 

STILLBORN   AT   THAT. 

Major  Bradley  was  astonished  when  the  wife  of  a  local  minister 
came  into  his  office  and  asked  him  to  institute  for  her  an  action  for 
divorce  on  the  ground  that  her  husband  had  cruelly  beaten  her.  The 
Major  had  always  regarded  the  preacher  as  a  most  exemplary  Chris- 
tian, and  hence  expressed  the  desire  to  see  and  talk  with  him  before 
taking  any  action,  to  which  the  wife  cheerfully  agreed.  The  next 
day  he  called  the  minister  into  his  office,  and  on  inquiry  ascertained 
the  charges  of  the  wife  to  be  true.  He  expressed  his  grief  and  aston- 
ishment, and  then  said  to  the  preacher : 

"You  old  hypocrite,  go  at  once  into  the  secrecy  of  your  closet  and 
pray  to  the  Lord  for  forgiveness,  and  do  not  stop  at  that,  but  pray 
to  him  that  you  may  be  born  again,  and  stillborn  at  that." 

THE  WRITING  IN  THE  SAND. 

Judge  Owsley,  while  practicing  at  the  Garrard  bar,  instituted 
a  suit  against  the  Land  boys  for  burning  down  a  cabin  on  the  farm 
of  Joe  Ray  and  driving  out,  without  shelter,  a  woman  of  improper 
character,  who  was  living  in  the  house.  Joe  Ray  was  the  active 
manager  for  plaintiff  in  the  case,  and  was  doubtless  responsible  for 
the  suit. 

Major  Bradley  filed  an  answer,  admitting  the  charges  in  the  peti- 
tion, but  alleging  that  the  woman  was  of  bad  character,  and  had  been 
for  some  time  conducting  herself  improperly  with  Ray  who  was  the 
brother-in-law  of  defendants;  that  the  cabin  was  in  plain  view  of 
Ray's  house  where  their  sister  constantly  witnessed  the  visits  of  her 
husband  to  the  plaintiff;  that  the  plaintiff  was  a  common  nuisance 


io8  Stones  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

in  the  neighborhood,  and  that  they  were  acting  in  defense  of  their 
sister,  and  in  the  interest  of  public  morals,  &c,  &c'. 

Judge  Owsley  made  a  very  handsome  speech,  and,  in  concluding, 
referred  to  the  scriptural  instance  in  Avhich  the  multitude  cried  out 
against  the  scarlet  woman,  whereupon  the  Savior  stooped  down  and 
with  his  finger  wrote  on  the  ground,  "it  never  having  been  known" 
said  Owsley  "what  he  wrote ;  and  lifting  himself  up,  said :  'He  that 
is  without  sin  among  you,  let  him  first  cast  a  stone  at  her!'  and  the 
multitude  disappeared." 

Major  Bradley,  in  his  speech,  said  that  Owsley  was  mistaken 
when  he  said  that  no  one  knew  what  the  Savior  wrote  on  the  ground. 
Said  he :  "It  was  a  prophecy,  and  it  was  in  these  words : 

"  'And  it  shall  come  to  pass  in  the  last  days,  when  the  weak  things 
of  the  earth  shall  rise  up  and  govern  the  mighty,  that  Joseph,  whose 
surname  is  Ray,  shall  bring  a  scarlet  woman  upon  his  lands  for  im- 
proper purposes ;  whereupon  the  neighborhood  shall  cry  aloud  against 
her,  and  his  brothers-in-law  in  defense  of  their  sister  shall  rise  up  in 
the  night  time  and  go  forth  and  drive  the  woman  out,  and  shall  burn 
her  house,  and  sow  the  ground  with  salt ;  by  reason  of  which  Joseph 
shall  become  greatly  angered  and  shall  induce  Michael,  whose  sur- 
name is  Owsley,  to  make  complaint  before  the  rulers. 

"  'And  it  shall  come  to  pass  that  the  jury  shall  retire  to  their  room, 
and  after  a  short  while  shall  return  the  following  verdict : — 'We  the 
jury  find  for  the  defendant.'  There  shall  then  be  great  weeping  and 
wailing  and  gnashing  of  teeth  with  Joseph,  but  it  shall  avail  nothing.' 

"Now ;"  said  Major  Bradley,  "Gentlemen,  you  can  take  the  case ;" 
and  in  less  time  than  it  has  taken  to  relate  this  story  the  jury  returned 
the  verdict  as  predicted. 

BUGOLOGY. 

In  the  days  of  Know  Nothingism,  Hon.  Robert  W.  Woolley  went 
to  Danville,  Kentucky,  to  make  a  Democratic  speech.  A  joint  debate 
was  arranged  between  him  and  Major  Bradley. 

In  the  beginning  Mr.  Woolley  said  that  he  congratulated  himself 
on  the  fact  that  he  was  to  be  followed  by  a  "Big  Bug."  Responding, 
Major  Bradley  said  that  he  did  not  know  whether  this  remark  was  to 
be  taken  as  a  compliment  or  an  insult.    Said  he : 

"I  have  been  puzzling  my  mind  to  determine  what  kind  of  bug 
the  gentleman  is.  He  can  not  be  a  June-bug,  for  this  is  not  the 
proper  season  for  them.  He  can  not  be  a  Doodle-bug  for  it  lives  in 
the  ground.  He  can  not  be  a  Chinch-bug  for  it  flies  over  the  earth. 
I  have,  therefore,  been  forced  to  the  conclusion  that  he  is  a  'Hum- 
bug.' " 


Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley.  109 

LYNAM'S  NOSE. 

Charles  Lynam,  of  Garrard  county,  had  a  very  long  and  large 
nose.  Becoming  involved  in  an  altercation  with  Billy  Green,  the 
latter,  with  a  hoe,  chopped  off  a  considerable  portion  of  Lynam's 
nose.  For  this  alleged  injury  Lynam  sued  Green  for  five  thousand 
dollars.  Green  employed  Major  Bradley  to  defend  the  suit,  who  in- 
terposed the  defense  that  Lynam  had  sustained  no  injury,  but,  on  the 
contrary,  had  received  a  substantial  benefit  on  account  of  the  great 
improvement  of  his  appearance. 

MORE  TALK  ABOUT  PARISH  TEATER. 

George  Hoarhammer,  of  Garrard  county,  a  medium  sized  man, 
was  many  years  ago  severely  whipped  with  switches  by  Parish  Teater, 
who  was  a  giant  in  strength  and  stature.  Ehiring  the  fight  he  stabbed 
Teater,  for  which  he  was  indicted.  He  employed  Governor  Robert 
P.  Letcher  and  Major  Robert  Bradley  to  defend  him,  and  affectionately 
alluded  to  them  as  his  "two  Robins."  The  argument  of  his  attorneys 
pleased  him,  and  he  was  promptly  acquitted.  After  the  verdict  had 
been  returned,  he  called  his  attorneys  into  a  room  adjoining  the  court- 
room, and  asked  them  if  they  could  not  obtain  a  new  trial  for  him. 

"Why,  man,"  said  Governor  Letcher,  "you  have  been  acquitted; 
what  on  earth  do  you  want  a  new  trial  for?" 

"Well,"  said  Hoarhammer,  "because  I  want  to  hear  my  two 
Robins  have  some  more  talk  about  Parish  Teater." 

THE  JACKSON  DOG  STORY. 

Major  Bradley  told  the  following,  among  his  many  good  stories : 

"There  had  been  a  large  scope  of  territory  in  Madison  and  other 
counties  where  the  people  were  far  distant  from  any  courthouse,  and 
were  put  to  great  trouble  to  attend  court.  In  that  section  there  were 
but  few  people  who  had  ever  attended  Circuit  Court,  or  ever  seen  a 
Circuit  Judge.  This  portion  of  the  country  was  mountainous  and  in 
those  days  had  very  poor,  substantially,  no  school  facilities. 

"Under  these  circumstances  the  Legislature  created  from  this 
territory  a  new  county,  composed  of  parts  of  Estill,  Owsley,  Clay, 
Laurel,  Rockcastle  and  Madison  counties,  naming  it  Jackson,  and 
attached  it  to  the  circuit  of  Judge  Pearl. 

"I  determined  to  accompany  Judge  Pearl  to  the  opening  of  the 
new  court.  We  rode  horseback  and  traversed  much  rough  territory. 
In  some  way  it  had  been  noised  abroad  that  the  Judge  would  pass 
through  the  county  on  Sunday  before  the  opening  of  the  court. 


no  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"The  Judge  was  a  short,  fat  man,  slow  of  locomotion  and  was 
greatly  impressed  with  the  dignity  of  his  office. 

"As  we  proceeded  we  found  in  several  localities  large  crowds 
awaiting  the  coming  of  the  Judge,  who  saluted  him  with  great  en- 
thusiasm. At  length  a  man  yelled  out:  'How  air  ye,  Mister  Pearl?' 
The  Judge  stopped  his  horse,  gave  the  man  a  severe  look,  and  said : 
^Mister  Pearl,  Mister  Pearl,  you  durned  fool,  don't  you  know  your 
own  Judge?' 

"When,  on  Monday  morning,  we  reached  the  top  of  the  hill 
overlooking  the  town,  we  saw  it  was  filled  Math  people,  and  as  we 
rode  into  the  place  we  found  more  dogs  congregated  than  I  ever  saw 
before;  there  must  have  been  from  three  to  five  hundred.  It  seemed 
that  every  man  in  the  county  was  there  with  his  wife,  children  and 
dogs. 

"We  passed  slowly  through  the  throng  to  the  little  tavern  kept 
by  Mr,  Cogar,  dismounted,  and  were  conducted  into  the  house.  A 
perfect  mass  of  struggling  humanity  and  snarling  dogs  had  assembled 
in  a  semi-circle  around  the  porch.  The  Judge  knowing  that  he  was 
the  object  of  attention,  to  gratify  the  crowd  as  well  as  his  personal 
vanity,  sat  down  in  a  chair  on  the  porch,  leaned  back  against  the  wall, 
and  talked  in  a  sonorous  voice  v/ith  Cogar.  The  people  crowded  up 
to  the  porch,  and  listened  intently  and  wonderingly  to  the  first  Circuit 
Judge  they  had  ever  seen.  The  little  children  would  cry  out :  'I  can't 
see  him,  pap,  hold  me  up ;'  and  the  women  complained  that  the  men 
standing  in  front  obscured  their  vision. 

"Now,  the  Judge  in  order  to  make  a  favorable  impression,  had 
arrayed  himself  in  a  brand-new  suit  of  broadcloth. 

"In  the  midst  of  the  confusion  I  went  out  the  back  way  where  I 
observed  a  drove  of  dogs.  Passing  around  behind  the  crowd  I  saw- 
even  more  dogs  than  ever,  and  all  the  dogs  were  very  much  excited, 
scratching  up  the  earth,  performing  every  trick  common  to  dogs, 
growling  and  barking  at  a  furious  rate.  They  seemed  to  be  more  or 
less  of  the  bench-fice  breed,  some  large  and  some  small,  but  with  long 
bodies,  short  legs  and  enormous  tails,  tightly  curled  over  their  backs. 
In  some  instances  as  many  as  twenty  dogs  v^ould  rub  against  one 
man's  leg  as  they  wormed  in  and  out  among  the  crowd.  But  so  intent 
were  the  men  in  listening  to  every  word  that  fell  from  the  Judge's 
lips  that  they  were  totally  oblivious  of  the  conduct  of  the  dogs. 

"About  this  time  I  saw  a  man  advancing  in  the  rear  of  the  crowd 
with  an  unusually  large  black  dog,  of  a  different  breed  to  any  that  I 
had  observed.  The  other  dogs  resented  the  arrival  of  the  stranger 
and  sprang  at  him  in  large  numbers.    The  strange  dog  undertook  to 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  ill 

escape  by  running  between  the  legs  of  the  men,  tumbhng  them  over 
right  and  left.  Finally  the  strange  dog  reached  the  porch  with  other 
dogs  pursuing  him,  and  running  under  the  chair  of  the  Judge,  upset 
it,  causing  him  to  fall  to  the  floor,  flat  on  his  back,  and  the  dogs  met 
and  fought  over  his  prostrate  form.  I  never  saw  such  a  knot  of  dogs 
in  my  life.  The  growls  and  barks  of  the  dogs  were  mingled  with 
the  curses  and  shouts  of  the  men.  The  Judge  yelled  at  the  top  of  his 
voice:  'Take  'em  off,  take  'em  off!'  and  the  men  commenced  pulling 
them  out  by  the  tails  or  the  ears  until,  at  length,  the  Judge,  his  broad- 
cloth coat  covered  with  dirt  and  foam,  scrambled  to  his  feet,  and  in 
company  with  Cogar,  rushed  into  the  house.  Immediately  the  crowd 
filled  the  porch  in  a  wild  rush,  determined  to  see  more  of  the  Judge. 

"A  man  standing  near  the  open  door  of  the  Judge's  room,  listen- 
ing to  his  conversation,  tramped  on  a  dog's  foot,  causing  the  animal 
to  howl  with  pain,  whereupon  the  dogs  charged  in  great  numbers, 
rushing  through  the  doorway,  barking  and  growling  at  a  terrific  rate. 
It  was  summer  time  and  the  windows  in  the  Judge's  room,  which 
were  near  the  ground,  were  open,  and  the  dogs  in  the  rear  of  the  house, 
hearing  the  noise,  poured  through  the  windows  and  into  the  room,  in 
great  numbers.  I  was  on  the  outside  and  ran  up  and  looked  through 
the  window  and  saw  the  Judge  standing  on  a  chair  in  the  corner  of 
the  room,  evidently  greatly  alarmed,  and  shouting:  'Take  'em  out. 
take  'em  out !' 

"There  were  hundreds  of  dogs  on  the  outside  struggling  to  get 
in,  while  the  men  entered  the  windows  and  commenced  pulling  their 
dogs  out  by  the  hind  legs.  Meanwhile  Cogar,  in  some  way,  got  Pearl 
through  a  trap  door  and  I  turned  away,  got  my  horse  from  the  stable 
and  left  the  town.  As  I  rode  away  I  looked  up  and  saw  the  Judge  on 
the  roof  of  the  tavern,  holding  on  like  grim  death,  while  all  'round 
could  be  heard  shouts,  growls,  barks  and  curses,  loud  and  deep. 

"The  next  day  I  learned  that  the  Judge  had  weathered  the  storm, 
having  received  a  few  inconsequential  scratches,  but  that  two  men 
had  been  killed,  who  became  involved  in  a  difficulty  over  their  dogs.*' 

A  REPEATER. 

Former  Governor  J.  Proctor  Knott  ran  against  Hon.  Thomas 
L.  Jones  for  the  nomination  for  Governor  in  1883.  I"  presenting  his 
claim,  Mr.  Jones  told  how  he  had  campaigned  for  the  Democratic 
party  for  twenty  years  consecutively,  at  his  own  expense  having  made 
one  hundred  speeches  in  the  previous  campaign. 

In  replying  Governor  Knott  said  that  the  gentleman,  in  order  to 
confine  himself  to  the  truth,  should  make  a  change  in  his  statement 


112  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

so  that,  instead  of  saying  that  he  had  made  one  hundred  speeches,  he 
sliould  say  that  he  had  made  one  speech  a  hundred  times. 

CONTEMPT   BARRED  BY  LIMITATION. 

"In  one  of  the  southern  counties  of  Kentucky,  many  years  ago," 
said  Wilbur  F,  Browder,  one  of  Kentucky's  most  distinguished  law- 
yers, "there  was  an  unlettered  Justice  of  the  Peace — a  not  infrequent 
thing  in  those  days  in  that  section  of  the  Commonwealth. 

"At  one  of  his  courts,  there  appeared  before  him  a  young  member 
of  the  bar,  of  the  county  seat,  who  was  exceedingly  bright  and  full 
of  good  humor,  who,  in  the  course  of  his  argument,  said  something 
which  offended  the  dignity  of  the  court,  and  was  thereupon  promptly 
fined  for  contempt.  The  young  lawyer,  in  a  very  dignified  manner, 
said  that  he  knew  the  court  was  anxious  to  proceed  in  strict 
conformity  to  the  law  on  the  subject,  and  suggested  the  proper  thing 
to  do  was  to  issue  a  rule  against  him,  citing  him  to  appear  before  his 
honor  within  a  reasonable  time  and  show  cause,  if  he  could,  why  he 
should  not  be  punished  for  contempt. 

"Thereupon  the  Justice  ruled  the  young  gentleman  to  appear 
before  him  that  afternoon  at  4  o'clock,  to  show  cause.  At  the  hour 
designated  the  young  man  filed  the  following: 

'Justice's  Court  of  Squire  Noffsinger. 
October  Term  1879. 
Commonwealth  of  Kentucky,    ----------     Plaintiff 

vs.  RESPONSE. 

Y.  H.  Williams,    --------------     Defendant 

Now  comes  the  defendant,  Y.  H.  Williams,  and  for  response 
states,  that  the  cause  of  complaint  set  out  in  the  rule  herein  is  barred 
by  the  statute  of  limitation,  for  the  reason  that  the  respondent  has 
had  contempt  for  this  court  for  more  than  five  consecutive  years  last 
past,  and  he  therefore  relies  upon  the  lapse  of  time  and  the  statute  of 
limitation  in  such  cases  made  and  provided,  in  bar  of  any  recovery 
against  him  in  this  case. 

Y.  H.  Williams,  Respondent.' 

"The  Justice  could  not  understand  how  it  was  possible  for  him 
to  deny  the  relief  prayed  for.  While  not  fully  appreciating  the  genuine 
humor  of  the  response,  he  felt  sure  that  the  young  lawyer  had  him 
where  lie  could  not  escape,  so  he  sustained  the  plea  of  limitation,  dis- 
missed the  rule  at  his  own  personal  costs,  and  asked  everybody  present 
to  go  over  to  the  adjoining  bar-room  and  take  a  drink  at  his  expense." 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  II3 

A  PAR  OF  CO-IN-CI-DENCES. 

In  the  case  of  Shiel  against  four  railroad  companies,  tried  be- 
fore Judge  Knapp,  of  the  Inter-State  Commerce  Commission  in  Chi- 
cago, in  arguing  the  case.  Senator  Bradley  said  of  the  four  railroad 
companies : 

"That  each  raised  the  freight  five  cents  and  each  gave  notice  on 
the  same  day  of  its  action,  is  proof  conclusive  of  conspiracy.  Possibly, 
they  may  account  for  it  in  the  same  way  that  a  lawyer  in  the  feud- 
infested  district  of  Kentucky  accounted  for  a  killing.  The  evidence 
showed  that  two  men,  each  coming  from  different  directions,  armed 
with  gims,  arrived  at  a  cross-roads  at  the  same  hour,  and  about  a  half- 
hour  before  their  victim  who  daily  passed  that  point  at  that  time  in 
going  to  his  business ;  and  that  when  the  latter  arrived,  they  promptly 
fired  into  him,  killing  him  instantly.  The  defendant's  attorney  treated 
the  evidence  with  great  levity.     Said  he : 

"  'Gentlemen  of  the  jury,  there  are  absolutely  nuthin'  in  this  case. 
S'pose  my  clients  both  did  go  thar  from  different  directions  and  retch 
thar  at  the  same  time  and  shoot  Bill  Jones  and  kill  him — it  is  nuthin' 
more  nor  less  than  a  par  of  co-in-ci-dences,  and  the  court  no-whar 
tells  you  that  co-in-ci-dence  is  agin'  the  lav/.'  " 

JUDGE  GUFFY. 

Judge  B.  L.  D.  Guffy,  of  Morgantown,  Kentucky,  was  a  most 
eccentric  and  original  character.  He  located  in  Butler  county  many 
years  ago,  was  County  Judge,  and,  late  in  life,  a  Judge  of  the  Court 
of  Appeals.  He  was  a  sound  lawyer,  an  honest  man,  and  a  great  story 
teller.  He  very  much  resembled  Abraham  Lincoln  in  appearance,  and 
some  of  his  stories  were  akin  to  those  told  by  Lincoln. 

PECULIAR  SIGN. 

When  the  Judge  commenced  the  practice  of  law,  he  obtained  the 
widest  plank  that  could  be  found  and  painted  his  law  sign  upon  it, 
as  follows : 

"WAKE,  SNAKES,  AND  COME  TO  TAW ! 
B.  L.  D.  GUFFY,  ATTORNEY-AT-LAW." 

KIVERED  TOO  MUCH  TERRITORY. 

The  Judge  told  the  following  among  his  many  good  stories : 

"One  county  court  day  a  stranger  came  to  Morgantown  some- 

Vv^hat  under  the  influence  of  liquor.     He  had  been  there  but  a  short 

while  when  he  announced  in  a  loud  voice :  'I  can  whip  any  man  that 

lives   in   Morgantown.'     No   one  paid   any  attention   to   him.     After 


114  Stories  of  IVilliam  O.  Bradley. 

taking  another  drink  he  returned  to  the  center  of  the  square  and 
announced :  'I  can  whip  any  man  that  lives  in  Butler  county.'  Again 
his  remark  was  unnoticed.  He  returned  to  the  one-eyed  grocery  on 
the  corner  and,  loading  up  a  little  more,  came  back  on  the  square  and 
announced:     'I  can  whip  any  man  that  lives  in  Kaintucky.* 

"Thereupon,  a  strapping  young  fellow  from  Bowling  Green,  in 
the  adjoining  county  of  Warren,  jumped  on  him,  bore  him  to  the 
ground,  and  beat  him  up  to  the  Queen's  taste.  The  crowd  now  inter- 
ferred  and  separated  them;  whereupon,  the  stranger  struggled  to 
his  feet,  wiped  the  dust  and  blood  from  his  face,  and  exclaimed : 

"  'Gentlemen,  excuse  me,  but  in  that  last  remark  I  kivered  too 
d — d  much  territory.'  " 

A  FRANK  SINNER. 

Judge  Guflfy  told  a  story  of  a  big  revival  that  took  place  in  his 
county.  Many  people  joined  the  church,  and  on  one  occasion  a  large 
number  surrounded  the  altar  to  be  prayed  for,  among  them  old  Jim 
Dobbs.    He  was  praying  in  a  loud  tone  : 

"Oh,  Lord,  I  never  committed  murder;  I  never  stole  anything; 
I  never  burnt  any  man's  house;  but,  oh,  Lord,  what  a  liar  I  have 
been !" 

HAD  TO  CLIMB  THE  TREE. 

When  Belknap  defeated  Willson  for  the  Republican  nomination 
for  Governor  in  1903,  (in  Kentucky),  there  was  considerable  ill-feeling 
manifested;  it  being  claimed  by  Willson's  friends  that  he  had  been 
unfairly  beaten,  and  some  of  them  declared  that  they  would  not  vote 
for  Belknap. 

Judge  Guffy  was  an  ardent  supporter  of  Willson,  and  the  day 
following  the  convention  was  asked  whether  he  would  vote  for 
Belknap.    Said  he : 

"I  am  much  in  the  fix  of  Snyder's  pig.  Snyder  was  a  well  to  do 
farmer  in  my  county  who  had  a  son  who  was  an  eighteen-karat  liar. 
He  was  the  source  of  profound  mortification  to  his  father,  who  tried 
by  remonstrance,  advice,  and  finally  by  cow-hide,  to  reform  him ;  but 
all  in  vain. 

"One  day  Tom  rushed  into  the  house  and  exclaimed.  Tap,  you 
know  that'ar  spotted  pig  of  ourn?'  'Certainly,'  replied  the  father, 
'what  about  him?'  'Why,'  said  Tom,  'old  Towze  rvm  arter  him  a 
while  ago,  and  to  get  away  he  clum  a  tree.' 

"  'Oh,  Lord,'  groaned  the  father,  'Tom,  won't  you  never  stop 
tellin'  lies?' 


Stories  of  IVillwtn  O.  Bradley.  115 

"Tom  replied : 

"  Tap  it  haint  no  lie,  old  Tovvze,  kept  a-gainin'  an'  a-gainin'  on 
the  pig,  and  had  opened  his  mouth  to  bite  him  in  the  ham.  and  that  ar 
pig  was  jest  bound  to  clime  a  tree.'  " 

ANECDOTES  ARE  PUBLIC  PROPERTY. 

Senator  Bradley  related  this  story  to  the  late  Senator  Bob  Taylor, 
who,  in  making  a  speech  in  the  Senate  a  few  days  after,  appropriated 
it,  locating  it  in  Memphis,  Tennessee.  Senator  Bradley  remonstrated 
with  him,  when  Senator  Taylor  replied: 

"Anecdotes  are  public  property.  I  take  all  I  hear,  and  shall 
not  complain  when  like  treatment  is  meted  out  to  me." 

COME  OUT  THE  SAME  HOLE  HE  WENT  IN. 

Davy  Crockett,  who  fell  at  the  Alamo,  for  a  time  represented  a 
Tennessee  district  in  Congress.  Above  all  things  he  had  a  contempt 
for  vain  and  empty-pated  men.  At  the  time  he  was  in  Congress  he  had 
a  colleague  of  the  type  mentioned.  This  young  man  sat  behind  a 
desk  immediately  adjoining  Crockett.  During  one  of  the  sessions 
he  arose  with  his  coat  buttoned  tightly  around  him,  and  delivered 
himself  as  follows : 

"Mr.  Speaker,  my  opinion  is  that  the  generality  of  mankind  in 
general  are  generally  opposed  to  the  generality  of  mankind  in  general." 

Davy  seized  him  by  the  coat  tail  and  exclaimed : 

"Sit  down,  you  d d  fool ;  you  came  out  at  the  same  hole  you 

went  in." 

A  SWIFT  PACE. 

A  negro  testifying  in  a  Kentucky  court  against  another  negro, 
whom  he  had  had  indicted  for  maliciously  shooting  at  him,  without 
wounding,  said: 

"In  the  percedin'  June  while  I  wuz  doin'  nothin'  and  sayin'  nothin' 
and  not  thinkin'  nothin',  dat  wuthless  niggah  drawed  his  pistol  and 
shot  at  me,  and  he  cum  mity  close  to  me  for  I  heerd  the  bullet  whiz 
as  it  passed  my  year ; — 'deed,  Jedge,  I  heerd  dat  bullet  whiz  two  times." 

The  attorney  for  defendant,  desiring  to  impress  the  jury  with  this 
remarkable  statement,  asked : 

"Are  you  certain  you  heard  that  bullet  whiz  twice?" 

"Deed  I  is,  boss,"  replied  the  witness. 

"Now,"  said  the  attorney,  "tell  the  jury  when  you  heard  it  each 
time?" 

"Well,  boss,  when  I  heerd  dat  bullit  whiz  de  fust  time  it  was 
a-passin'  me,  and  when  I  heerd  it  whiz  de  next  time,  I  was  a-passin'  it." 


ii6  Stories  of  WiUiam  O.  Bradley. 

A  DOG  EXPERT. 

Squire  Joe  Porch  was  a  hare-lipped  shoemaker  and  Justice  of  the 
Peace,  residing  in  Somerset,  Kentucky.  He  was  a  great  wag.  He 
professed,  and  was  believed  by  many  to  be,  an  expert  judge  of  dogs, 
and  those  desiring  to  purchase,  frequently  paid  him  for  giving  an 
opinion. 

One  day  an  awkward  country  boy  brought  a  large  dog  to  town 
in  order  to  procure  Porch's  judgment.  Porch  walked  all  around  the 
dog,  eyeing  him  minutely,  and  then  delivered  himself : 

"Young  man,  you  don't  want  to  buy  that  dog.  In  the  first  place 
his  jew  claws  come  out  too  close  to  the  ground.  In  the  next  place 
his  tail  don't  curl  over  his  back  to  the  right  place  to  insure  his 
proper  balance  while  in  action.  And,  in  the  last  place,  his  nose  is  not 
built  for  smelling  as  it  should  be.  Why,  sir,  that  dog  would  set  down 
on  the  ground  and  wear  out  a  hundred  tails  barkin'  up  a  tree  wh^e 
there  never  was  a  coon." 

DRAW  POKER  SCHOOL. 

The  first  and  only  poker  school  that  ever  existed  was  established 
by  Porch.  Being  himself  a  remarkably  fine  poker  player,  he  conceived 
the  idea  of  teaching  the  boys  how  to  play  draw  poker,  and  at  the 
same  time  earning  an  honest  penny.  He  induced  a  number  of  bright 
young  fellows  to  take  lessons,  among  them  an  unusually  shrewd 
young  man  named  Charlie  Zachary.  He  was  to  give  them  six  lessons 
for  a  dollar  and  fifty  cents  each.  He  told  them  that  at  the  end  of  that 
period  they  would  be  qualified,  and  they  would  have  a  game,  each 
man  to  bring  with  him  two  dollars  and  no  more,  and  that  in  order  to 
give  tone  to  the  affair,  he  would  join  them  in  the  game. 

It  was  further  arranged  that  all  the  money  that  was  brought  by 
the  class  should  be  placed  in  the  hands  of  the  four  graduates  to  bet 
for  the  class,  the  winnings  to  be  equally  divided  among  all  the  mem- 
bers. 

The  Squire  delivered  lectures  every  night,  the  substance  of  which 
was  about  as  follows: 

'■'Gentlemen,  the  game  of  draw  poker,  when  played  according  to 
my  rules,  will  enable  you  to  own  coal  mines,  steamboats,  railroads 
and  great  landed  estates ;  and  if  you  strictly  follow  my  directions, 
you  are  now  on  the  high  road  that  leads  to  fortune  and  renown.  If  you 
are  in  a  game,  no  matter  where  or  when,  never,  never,  come  in,  when 
a  man  stands  pat.  I  have  seen  more  men  ruined  in  calling  pat  hands 
than  I  have  time  to  enumerate.  It  is  the  most  dangerous  thing  in 
'Draw'  and  the  only  way  to  be  safe  is  to  stay  out." 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  117 

He  would  then  explain  flushes,  straights,  royal  flushes,  pairs, 
full  hands,  threes,  fours,  etc.,  etc.,  giving  the  value  of  each  as  com- 
pared with  the  others,  and  indicated  to  them  how  to  judge  of  a  man's 
hand  from  the  number  of  cards  he  drew. 

At  length  the  eventful  night  arrived,  and  a  considerable  number 
of  spectators  assembled  in  the  large  dining  room  of  the  hotel  to  wit- 
ness the  game.  The  four  graduates  and  the  Squire  took  seats  at 
the  table,  and  all  their  money  was  put  up,  except  five  dollars  which 
Zachary  had  retained,  a  fact  unknown  to  the  others.  The  cards  were 
dealt,  and  the  draw  commenced,  the  Squire  standing  pat  and  Zachary, 
who  immediately  followed  him,  taking  one  card.  The  other  players 
threw  up  their  hands.  The  Squire  nodded  to  a  friend  in  the  audience 
who  came  over  and  loaned  him  a  dollar,  which  the  Squire  threw  down 
on  the  table  saying,  "I'll  bet  a  dollar." 

Zachary  then  drew  his  five  dollars  from  his  vest  pocket,  and 
threw  it  on  the  table  saying,  "I  see  you,  and  raise  you  four  dollars." 

The  crowd  applauded  vigorously. 

The  Squire,  seeing  the  jig  was  up,  having  only  a  pair  of  deuces, 
threw  up  his  hand  in  disgust,  exclaiming : 

"The  exercises  are  over,  the  audience  is  dismissed ; — that  d d 

fellow  Zachary  has  more  sense  than  I  have." 

Zachary  picked  up  the  money  and  threw  down  his  hand,  which 
was  worthless. 

GRADING  LAWYERS'  FEES. 

Milton  L.  Rice,  of  Barbourville,  Kentucky,  a  lawyer,  was  a  man 
of  great  force,  a  full-blooded  Irishman  by  descent,  having  inherited 
the  ready  wit  peculiar  to  his  people. 

A  man  indicted  for  murder  who  owned  a  considerable  estate,  but 
who  was  very  penurious,  sought  him  out  for  employment,  telling  him 
he  had  engaged  other  lawyers  for  the  preparation  and  management  of 
his  case,  and  inquiring  what  was  the  least  he  would  charge  merely 
to  sit  by  and  make  a  speech. 

Rice  replied :  "Before  I  can  answer  your  question  I  will  have  to 
ascertain  what  character  of  a  speech  you  desire,  as  I  make  several 
kinds  of  speeches.  I  make  one  of  a  half  hour's  length  that  is  a  fair 
speech  for  which  I  charge  fifty  dollars.  Then  I  make  another  belter 
speech  of  an  hour's  length  for  which  I  charge  one  hundred  dollars. 
But,  if  you  want  a  real  speech,  a  regular  spellbinder,  replete  with 
oratory  and  the  highest  order  of  logic— my  charge  is  two  hundred  and 
fifty  dollars.  Now,  my  friend,  tell  me  what  sort  of  a  soeech  vou 
desire?" 


liS  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

The  client,  after  a  few  moments  of  deliberation,  answered : 
"Well,  Milt,  your  price  is  high,  but  I'll  take  the  best  you  have 
in  your  shop." 

LACK  OF  DISCRIMINATION. 

In  the  same  town  there  lived  an  attorney  of  excitable  tempera- 
ment, who  would,  in  every  case,  big  or  little,  make  the  same  amount 
of  noise.  On  answering  one  of  his  speeches,  Rice,  commenting  upon 
his  peculiarity,  said: 

"My  friend  S makes  as  much  racket  and  grows  as  much 

excited  when  he  is  pursuing  a  mouse  as  he  does  when  in  full  chase 
of  a  buffalo." 

EMBARRASSING  SITUATION. 

Judge  Durham  was  in  the  court  house  in  Lancaster  talking  with 
his  friend,  W.  J.  Lusk.  An  imposing-looking  man,  with  curly  hair 
hanging  almost  to  his  shoulders,  walked  into  the  room,  accompanied 
by  a  tall,  slender  man.     Durham,  turning  to  Lusk,  remarked : 

"That  is  the  vilest  looking  man  I  ever  saw.  I  would  dislike  to  be 
in  the  dark  with  him  if  he  knew  I  had  ten  dollars." 

"I  am  sorry  to  hear  you  say  that,"  said  Lusk,  "as  that  is  Andrew 
Conn,  and  he  is  a  relative  of  my  wife." 

"Pardon  me,"  said  Durham,  "but  which  of  the  two  men  did  you 
think  I  referred  to?" 

"The  larger  man  with  the  long  hair,"  rejoined  Lusk. 

"Oh,"  said  Durham,  "that  is  not  the  man,  the  tall,  slender  man  is 
the  one  I  spoke  of." 

"Well,"  replied  Lusk,  "that  does  not  help  matters,  for  he  is  my 
brother  John." 

Durham  was  very  much  embarrassed  and  confused,  and,  in  a 
hesitating  manner,  finally  said : 

"Well,  Lusk,  the  truth  is  I  didn't  mean  either  of  them." 

THE  DISGUSTED  JURYMAN. 

Many  years  ago  Henry  Clay  made  a  great  speech  in  a  murder  trial 
at  Lexington.  As  the  jury  filed  out  of  the  court  room  to  consider 
their  verdict,  some  of  them  were  overcome  by  Clay's  pathetic  con- 
clusion, the  old  foreman  weeping  copiously.  A  little  eight-by-ten 
lawyer  sprang  up  and  moved  the  court  for  a  rule  against  Jake  Ousen, 
surveyor  of  road  district  No.  6.  This  motion,  following  the  great 
speech  of  Clay,  was  regarded  by  the  foreman  as  nothing  less  than  an 
outrage.     So,  turning  to  the  court,  with  his  eyes  filled  with  tears,  and 


Stories  of  I'VUliam  O.  Bradley.  119 

his  large  bandana  in  his  hand,  he  exclaimed  at  the  top  of  his  voice : 
"Kill  him,  Judge,  kill  him !" 

HENRY   CLAY'S   ADVICE. 

When  Mr.  Clay  was  in  the  midst  of  a  Congressional  campaign 
he  met  an  old  friend  who  informed  him,  much  to  his  astonishment, 
that  he  was  against  him.  Of  course  Clay  inquired  his  reason,  and  was 
promptly  told  that  he  (Clay)  had  given  a  vote  for  which  he  could 
not  forgive  him. 

Mr.  Clay  remarked :  "John,  I  have  given  many  votes  since  I  went 
to  Congress;  is  this  the  only  one  you  condemn?" 

"Yes,"  responded  his  friend. 

"Well,"  said  Mr.  Clay  in  that  magnetic  manner  which  was  irresist- 
ible, "John,  you  are  quite  an  old  man  and  have  been  a  famous  hunter 
in  your  day.  Did  you  ever  have  your  old  flint-rock  rifle  to  flash  in 
the  pan?" 

"Frequently,"  responded  John. 

"Well,  what  did  you  do?"  inquired  Clay. 

"Why,"  replied  John,  "I  picked  the  lock  and  tried  her  again." 

"Then,"  said  Clay,  "can  you  not  treat  me  in  the  same  manner,  and 
now  that  you  have  set  me  right,  will  you  not  try  me  again?" 

The  old  man  grasped  Clay  by  the  hand,  and  exclaimed : 

"Yes,  Henry,  you  have  hit  the  nail  on  the  head." 

SEVERE  REPROOF. 

One  exceedingly  dark  and  rainy  night  in  1896,  Senator  Bradley 
was  addressing  a  large  crowd  at  Liederkranz  Hall  in  Louisville.  An 
ill-bred  ruffian  interrupted  him  several  times,  and  the  cry  of  "put 
him  out"  was  raised,  and  several  men  started  toward  the  offender 
for  that  purpose.    Bradley  remonstrated : 

"My  friends,  do  not  expose  him  to  the  elements  and  add  to  the 
darkness  of  the  night !" 

THE  MODEST  YOUNG  MAN. 

Judge  George  Denny,  when  quite  a  young  man,  ran  against  Squire 
James  Patterson,  a  Garrard  county  farmer,  for  County  Judge.  Judge 
Denny  v/as  a  bold,  forceful  fellow  who  did  not  mince  words  and  was 
always  ready  to  talk.  In  his  speech  he  answered  Patterson's  objection 
that  he  was  too  young  a  man  to  be  Judge  by  telling  what  Napoleon, 
Washington,  and  other  great  men  accomplished  at  an  early  age. 

Patterson,  responding,  said: 


120  Stories  of  Williafn^O.  Bradley. 

"Why,  fellow  citizens,  you  remember  when  Washington  performed 
his  first  military  service,  Congress  passed  a  resolution  of  thanks.  He 
arose  to  acknowledge  the  compliment,  but  was  so  embarrassed  he 
could  not  speak,  when  Mr.  Adams  exclaimed,  'Sit  down,  Mr.  Washing- 
ton, your  bravery  is  equalled  alone  by  your  modesty.'  But,  fellow 
citizens,  if  that  had  been  George  Denny,  he  Vi^ould  have  been  speaking 
yet." 

EQUALLY  INTELLIGENT. 

A  certain  Circuit  Judge  in  Kentucky,  who  was  by  no  means 
famous  for  ability,  was  on  bad  terms  with  one  of  the  attorneys  of 
his  court.  The  Judge,  while  the  attorney  was  addressing  him,  in 
order  to  show  his  contempt,  placed  his  feet  on  the  desk  before  him 
and  leaned  back  in  his  chair.  The  attorney  was  a  bright,  courageous 
man,  and  keenly  felt  the  insult.     So  he  remarked: 

"I  see  that  your  honor  has  your  feet  elevated  above  your  head. 
However,  it  is  a  matter  of  indifference  to  me,  because  you  have  as 
much  intellect  and  courtesy  in  one  end  as  you  have  in  the  other." 

GOOD  EVIDENCE. 

Jonathan  Jones,  who  was  testifying  in  the  Jessamine  circuit 
court,  on  being  asked  by  Mr.  Houston  if  he  was  certain  he  knew  the 
horse  in  controversy,  replied : 

"I  know  him  just  as  well  as  I  know  your  name  is  Houston." 

Said  Houston,  in  a  rough  manner : 

"How  do  you  know,  sir,  that  is  my  name?" 

"Because,"  replied  Jones,  "when  court  adjourned  for  dinner,  I 
heard  Major  Downing  say  to  you,  'come  on,  Houston,  let's  go  and  take 
a  drink.'  and  you  went." 

A  LUCID  INTERVAL. 

The  Democrats  had  elected  a  Commonwealth's  Attorney  in  the 
Eighth  Kentucky  District,  who  was  rather  a  slow,  but  loud,  talker. 
When  circuit  court  came  on  at  Lancaster  he  was  promptly  in  at- 
tendance. 

Keg  Mason,  a  fat,  round-faced,  jolly,  smart  fellow,  was  the  Demo- 
cratic Clerk,  and  deeply  interested  in  the  impression  the  new  officer 
should  make.  So,  when  his  friend  commenced  his  speech.  Keg  listened 
intently.  After  some  considerable  labor,  the  attorney  said  something 
that  caused  a  ripple  of  laughter.  Keg  turned  excitedly  to  a  friend  who 
Vv^as  standing  close  beside  him,  and,  slapping  him  on  the  shoulder, 
exclaimed : 

"There,  now,  by  gosh,  he  has  struck  a  lucid  interval!" 


Stories  of  IVilliam  O.  Bradley.  I2l 

DREAMED  HE  WAS  A  MONKEY. 

Thirty  years  ago  a  little  dancing  master  came  to  Lancaster.  One 
night  he  imbibed  too  freely,  and  the  next  morning  exhibited  his  swol- 
len head  to  Huffman,  the  landlord,  and  told  him  the  cause  of  it : 

"You  know  that  bedstead  with  the  tall  posts  that  is  in  my  room? 
Well,  last  night  just  before  I  retired,  these  posts  looked  taller  to  me 
than  ever  before ;  indeed,  they  seemed  to  me  to  have  increased  at 
least  three  times  in  height.  That  is  the  last  thing  I  thought  of  before 
I  fell  asleep.  After  I  had  been  sleeping  for  some  time,  I  dreamed 
that  I  was  a  monkey,  and  concluded  I  would  climb  up  one  of  the  tall 
posts,  and  wrap  my  tail  around  the  top,  and  hang  head  down  for  the 
entertainment  of  a  number  of  people  who  were  admiring  my  perform- 
ances. So,  I  climbed  up  to  the  top  of  the  post,  wrapped  my  tail 
around  it  and  hung  down ;  whereupon,  I  fell  to  the  floor  on  my  head — 
which  was  the  first  intimation  I  had  that  I  was  not  a  monkey." 

DULANEY  AND  THE  HOUND. 

Judge  B was  Judge  of  a  Common  Pleas  Court  in  Western 

Kentucky,  and  afterwards  Judge  of  the  Court  of  Appeals.  He  was  a 
slow,  deliberate  man,  of  rugged  honesty  and  substantial  legal  ability. 
At  times,  during  a  considerable  portion  of  his  life,  he  drank  to  excess. 
He  was  running  for  Common  Pleas  Judge  against  Judge  Dulaney, 
who  was  a  very  accomplished  man.    The  race  was  a  close  one,  and  in 

passing  through  one  of  the  counties  of  the  District,  B stopped 

for  dinner  at  the  home  of  Captain  C ,  who  was  a  wealthy  farmer 

and  famous  fox  hunter. 

It  was  then  only  a  few  days  until  the  election,  and  he  believed  that 
unless  he  could  get  the  support  of  the  Captain  he  would  be  defeated. 
The  Captain  was  not  at  home,  but  his  excellent  wife  entertained  the 
Judge  with  a  good  dinner.  While  they  were  seated  at  the  table,  she 
told  the  Judge  that  Mr.  Dulaney  had  sent  her  husband  a  fine  fox 
hound  that  had  arrived  a  few  hours  before.  The  Judge  saw  in  a 
moment  that  something  must  be  done  to  counteract  this  play  of  his 
opponent,  so  looking  at  Mrs.  C very  earnestly,  with  an  ex- 
pression of  deep  concern  on  his  face,  he  exclaimed: 

"Why,  Mrs.  C ,  you  are  surely  mistaken.    Judge  Dulaney 

could  not  have  sent  the  dog." 

She  replied  that  she  was  not  mistaken ;  that  Judge  Dulaney  had 
taken  dinner  with  them  two  weeks  before  and  promised  to  send  the 
dog ;  which  promise  he  had  complied  with  that  very  day.     She  then 

insisted  that  Judge  B tell  her  what  he  meant  by  saying  that 

Judge  Dulaney  could  not  have  sent  the  dog.    The  Judge  begged  to  be 


122  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

excused  but  she,  woman-like,  insisted  that  he  should  answer.   Finally, 
he  replied : 

"Now,  madam,  being  a  candidate  against  Judge  Dulaney  I  naturally 
hesitate  to  say  or  do  anything  that  might  injure  him,  lest  I  should  be 
suspicioned  of  taking  unfair  advantage ;  but  the  truth  is  the  truth,  and 
as  the  lives  of  yourself  and  family  are  in  imminent  danger,  it  seems 
proper  that  I  should  give  you  my  reason.  As  you  know,  Judge  Dulaney 
has  a  large  pack  of  hounds.  About  a  week  ago,  one  of  his  dogs  went 
mad  and  bit  several  of  the  pack,  one  of  which  has  since  developed  an 
aggravated  case  of  hydrophobia,  and" — 

Before  the  Judge  could  finish  the  sentence  Mrs.  C rushed 

to  the  door  and  calling  one  of  the  work  hands,  excitedly  ordered : 

"Get  your  gun  immediately  and  kill  that  Dulaney  hound!    When 

election  day  comes  Captain  C will  teach  him  how  to  endanger 

the  lives  of  our  family." 

When  the  Judge  left  she  thanked  him  for  his  kindness,  and 
assured  him  of  her  husband's  support.  The  Judge  rode  away  with 
a  quiet  chuckle,  saying  to  himself: 

"C won't  have  time  to  confer  with  Dulaney  until  after  the 

election,  when  I  will  be  elected,  the  hound  dead,  and  the  joke  will  be 
fully  appreciated." 

IN  A  BAD  FIX. 

At  one  period  during  the  Judge's  career  he  was  drinking  to  such 
an  alarming  extent  that  his  friends  became  uneasy  about  him,  and 
determined  in  a  practical  way  to  give  him  a  substantial  warning.  An 
organ-grinder  was  in  town  and  they  induced  him  to  place  his  monkey 
in  the  room  at  the  hotel  where  the  Judge  was  asleep,  and  leave  him 
until  the  Judge  awakened ;  when,  it  was  taken  for  granted,  he  would 
claim  he  had  seen  a  monkey ;  whereupon  his  friends  would  say  there 
was  no  monkey  there  (having  the  Italian  ready  to  step  in  behind 
them  and  carry  the  monkey  off)  ;  and  in  this  way  would  convince  the 
Judge  that  he  had  delirium  tremens,  and  thus  alarm  him  so  greatly 
that  he  would  change  his  course. 

However,  it  happened  that  the  Judge  awakened  a  little  before  it 
was  expected.    They  heard  him  say,  while  standing  at  the  door : 

"If  you  are  not  a  monkey,  I  am  in  a  d d  bad  fix,  and  if  you 

are  a  monkey,  you  are  in  a  d d  bad  fix ;"  and  they  rushed  in  barely 

in  time  to  prevent  him  from  braining  the  monkey  with  a  poker. 

ONLY  ONE  AT  A  TIME. 

A  friend  of  the  Judge's  from  Paducah,  while  in  Frankfort,  in  the 
midst  of  a  conversation  told  him  that  a  Mr.  B ,  of  his  town, 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  123 

had  recently  become  offended  at  him  and  was  so  mad  he  had  not 
spoken  to  him  for  a  week.  To  his  astonishment,  the  Judge  remarked, 
he  was  glad  to  hear  it.    His  friend  asked: 

"Why  are  you  glad  to  hear  it?" 

"Because,"  replied  the  Judge,  "he  will  make  friends  with  me  now, 
for  he  hasn't  sense  enough  to  be  mad  at  more  than  one  man  at  a  time." 

PREDESTINATION. 

In  the  pioneer  days  there  lived  in  Kentucky  an  earnest,  faithful, 
and  able  old  Presbyterian  preacher,  Isaiah  Whitaker.  One  morning 
he  left  his  home  forgetting  his  rifle.  In  a  few  moments  he  returned. 
His  wife  asked  him  what  had  brought  him  back,  and  he  informed  her 
he  had  forgotten  his  gun. 

"Why,"  said  she,  "that  makes  no  difference,  if  your  religion  is 
correct,  for  if  the  Lord  foreordained  that  you  should  die  today,  you 
can  do  nothing  to  prevent  it." 

"That  is  all  true,"  replied  Whitaker,  "but  the  Lord  may  have 
foreordained  that  I  should  kill  an  Indian  today,  and  I  could  not  do  it 
if  I  didn't  have  my  gun." 

HIS  WIT  SAVED  HIM. 

During  the  Civil  War  there  lived  near  Danville,  Kentucky,  a  queer 
genius  named  Berry  Pitman.  In  early  manhood  he  indicated  great 
promise.  He  was  a  natural  orator,  and  acquired  considerable  distinc- 
tion. Unfortunately,  his  head  was  turned  and  he  became  a  quick  and 
easy  prey  of  whiskey.  The  result  was  he  lost  his  health,  became 
afflicted  with  locomotor  ataxia,  Avas  reduced  to  a  living  skeleton,  and 
was  totally  destitute. 

A  company  of  Union  soldiers  was  passing  through  the  town,  and 
Pitman  defiantly  yelled :  "Hurrah  for  Jeff  Davis !" 

The  Captain  ordered  a  Sergeant  to  go  with  three  men,  arrest  and 
bring  Pitman  before  him  to  be  dealt  with.  He  was  promptly  arrested 
and  dragged  (for  he  was  barely  able  to  walk),  before  the  Captain, 
who  ordered  that  he  should  be  placed  under  arrest  indefinitely.  Pitman 
cut  a  pathetic  figure,  diseased  and  ragged,  as  he  was. 

Said  he:  "Captain,  why  do  you  give  this  order?" 

The  Captain  answered:  "Because  you  are  trying  to  break  up 
the  best  Government  the  world  ever  saw." 

Pitman,  reeling  in  his  tracks,  remarked :  "Captain,  if  the  best  Gov- 
ernment the  world  ever  saw  can  be  injured  by  a  poor,  drunken,  friend- 
less, worthless  cripple,  like  me,  then  I  say,  d n  such  a  Government." 


124  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

The  Captain,  convulsed  with  laughter,  ordered  his  immediate 
release. 

"YOU  DON'T  KNOW  ME/' 

All  men  when  advanced  in  years,  experience  great  difficulty  in 
recognizing  young  men  who  change  very  rapidly  as  they  grow  older. 
However,  when  they  are  addressed  by  these  young  fellows,  they  speak 
as  if  they  recognize  them,  disliking  to  admit  they  do  not  know  them. 
Nothing  is  more  disagreeable  than  for  the  young  man  to  insist  that 
he  is  not  known. 

Not  long  ago  Senator  Bradley  met  a  young  fellow,  and  the  fol- 
lowing dialogue  ensued: 

Young  Man:     "How  are  you.  Senator?" 

Bradley :     "How  are  you  ;  glad  to  see  you  again." 

Young  Man:     "You  don't  know  me,  do  you?" 

Bradley:     "Why,  of  course  I  do." 

Young  Man:     "What  is  my  name?" 

The  Senator  did  not  recall  it,  and  was  vexed  by  the  young  man's 
persistence;  so,  with  a  severe  look,  he  said: 

"Well,  sir,  when  I  tell  a  man  that  I  know  him  and  he  disputes 
my  word,  I  am  forced  to  one  of  two  conclusions ;  either  that  he  thinks 
I  am  so  old  and  worn  out  that  I  am  incapable  of  recognizing  an  ac- 
quaintance, which  is  an  insult  to  me ;  or,  he  thinks  that  he  is  of  suffic- 
ient importance  to  be  recognized  by  everybody,  and  he  is  not,  which 
is  by  no  means  complimentary  to  him." 

ANOTHER  WAY  OF  PUTTING  IT. 

And  while  on  this  subject  another  like  occurrence  which  took  place 
in  Crab  Orchard,  Kentucky,  some  years  ago,  may  be  related. 

An  old  doctor  was  approached  by  a  young  man  who  insisted, 
after  the  doctor  claimed  to  recognize  him,  that  the  doctor  did  not  knov/ 
him,  and  that  he  should  tell  his  name.  The  old  doctor,  carefully 
adjusting  his  spectacles,  remarked : 

"Young  man,  you  must  excuse  me,  for  these  spectacles  are  so 
confusing  that  many  times  I  can't  tell  one  d d  fool  from  another." 

A  FINE  LEGAL  DISTINCTION. 

In  the  distant  past,  Nicholas  Sandifer  was  Judge  of  the  Garrard 
county  court.  He  was  a  shoemaker  by  trade,  but  nevertheless  very 
dignified,  and  a  m.an  of  force  and  rare  common  sense. 

He  was  holding  an  examining  trial  of  Maria  Lusk,  a  negro 
woman  (whose  character  was  by  no  means  good  for  honesty),  on  a 
charge  of  grand  larceny.     The  evidence  was  very  weak,  amounting 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  125 

to  comparatively  nothing.    At  its  conclusion,  in  a  very  dignified  man- 
ner, he  delivered  this  judgment: 

"Maria,  as  Nick  Sandifer,  knowing  you  as  well  as  I  do,  I  am 
of  opinion  that  you  are  guilty ;  but  as  Nicholas  Sandifer,  Judge  of  the 
Garrard  county  court,  having  in  view  the  rules  of  evidence,  I  am 
of  the  opinion  that  you  are  not  guilty ;  you  are  therefore  discharged." 

A  CURT  REQUEST. 

Hon.  Bland  Ballard,  Judge  of  the  United  States  District  Court 
of  Kentucky,  was  a  learned  judge,  but  not  without  fault.  He  was 
high  tempered  and  dictatorial,  and  when  he  did  not  desire  to  listen 
to  an  argument,  plied  the  attorney  with  questions  until  he  compelled 
him  to  cease. 

Hon.  James  F.  Robinson,  ex-Governor  of  Kentucky,  had  a  simi- 
lar temperament  and,  besides,  at  times  took  a  little  more  liquid  re- 
freshment than  was  absolutely  necessary  to  his  well  being. 

Whilst  in  this  condition  he  was  making  an  argument  before  Judge 
Ballard,  who  was  anxious  to  get  rid  of  him,  and  fired  question  after 
question,  until  Robinson,  losing  all  control,  roared  out  at  him : 

"Well,  sir,  if  you  know  the  story  better  than  I  do,  tell  it ;  if  you 
don't,  dry  up,  and  let  me  tell  it !" 

NO  RIGHTS. 

R.  D.  Lusk,  a  Lancaster  lawyer  of  no  particular  ability,  but 
possessing  wit,  was  sitting  in  his  office  when  a  man  by  the  name  of 
Hightower  entered,  and,  in  an  excited  way,  told  him  that  he  had  just 
had  a  row  with  a  man  by  the  name  of  Glass,  and  wanted  to  know  what 
his  legal  rights  were.    Said  Lusk : 

"Well,  sir,  I  am  not  willing  to  give  advice  unless  I  am  paid  for  it. 
It  takes  money  to  buy  sugar  and  coffee.    Have  you  any  money?" 

"No,"  responded  Hightower. 

"Then  sir,"  said  Lusk,  "you  have  no  rights." 

"GIGGLE   SOME   ON  MY   SIDE." 

Mr.  Lusk  had  been  engaged  in  a  law  suit  to  sell  land,  settle  an 
estate,  etc.,  for  several  years,  but  had  never  been  able  to  do  anything 
except  accumulate  a  huge  pile  of  title  papers  and  a  large  amount  of 
useless  evidence. 

Senator  Bradley  was  at  length  employed  by  one  of  the  defendants, 
and  immediately  filed  a  demurrer.  At  the  time,  Frank  Hubble  was 
reading  law  in  Bradley's  office,  and,  like  all  law  students,  had  a  high 
opinion  of  his  preceptor.     When  the  Judge  sustained  the  demurrer 


126  Stories  of  WiUiam  O.  Bradley. 

and  gave  leave  to  amend,  Hubble  was  very  much  tickled  and  gave  a 
great  giggle  which  did  not  escape  Lusk.  Lusk  amended,  and  again 
went  out  on  demurrer.  This  occurred  several  times,  and  on  each 
occasion  Hubble  giggled  at  the  result. 

Finally,  Lusk  consulted  a  good  lawyer,  who  showed  him  how 
to  draft  his  pleading,  and  after  he  filed  it,  Bradley  again  demurred, 
merely  for  amusement,  and  the  Judge  overruled  it.  Hubble  looked 
very  serious,  but  Lusk  grabbed  him  by  the  shoulder  and,  shaking  him 
forcibly,  exclaimed  in  a  hoarse  whisper: 

"Now,  d n  you,  giggle  some  on  my  side." 

LAYING  BONES  TOGETHER. 

Sam  Hite,  a  widower,  was  a  splendid  old  man,  who  in  his  latter 
days  was  trying  to  pursuade  a  young  widow  to  marry  him.  She  told 
him  she  respected  him  very  highly  and  intended  to  request  her  mother, 
when  she  died,  to  lay  her  bones  along  side  of  his, 

"Oh,"  said  Hite,  "that  is  all  tom-foolery.  What  I  want  you  to 
do  is  not  to  wait  until  I  am  dead,  but  to  lay  your  bones  along  side 
of  mine  while  you  are  aUve," 

A  MAN  OF  CONTRACT. 

Elkin  entered  Jim  Mason's  bar  room  one  day  and  told  him  that 
his  farm  was  overrun  with  rabbits,  and  he  would  like  to  sell  some 
of  them  to  him.  Mason  bought  a  dozen  for  two  drinks,  which  Elkin 
took  during  the  day.  Some  weeks  after,  when  Elkin  was  passing, 
Mason  complained  that  he  had  not  delivered  the  rabbits. 

"Of  course  not,"  said  Elkin,  "I  never  agreed  to  deliver  them. 
They  are  down  on  the  farm  and  you  can  come  and  get  them  any  day. 
I  am  a  man  of  contract,  I  sold  them  on  foot,  and  all  you  have  to  do 
is  to  go  and  get  them." 

FROM  SOLEMNITY  TO  HILARITY. 

Captain  Willis,  of  Jessamine  county,  who  fell  at  Buena  Vista, 
was  a  lawyer  of  great  promise  and  a  most  interesting  and  amusing 
speaker.  He  tried  a  case  in  which  Mr.  Ballinger,  a  very  solemn  and 
serious  man,  and  Mr.  Fox,  a  very  genial  and  convivial  man,  swift 
of  speech  and  comical  of  manner,  had  spoken  against  his  client.  In 
referring  to  their  speeches  he  remarked  that  Ballinger's  voice  and 
manner  reminded  him  of  the  old  hymn: 

"Hark !  from  the  tomb  a  doleful  sound ;  Mine  ears  attend  the 
cry!"  but  when  Fox  waltzed  out  in  front  of  the  jury  and  delivered 
himself,  he  was  reminded  of  the  old  nursery  song : 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  127 

"Oh,  Jinnie,  git  yer  ho  cake  done,  my  girl, 
Oh,  Jinnie,  git  yer  ho  cake  done." 

DEAD  FOR  GOOD. 

About  five  days  after  an  old  Franklin  county  farmer's  wife  was 
buried,  he  came  into  General  Rodman's  office  in  Frankfort,  and  in- 
formed him  that  he  had  married  that  morning.  Rodman  expressed  his 
profound  astonishment  that  his  client  should  marry  so  soon  after  his 
wife's  death. 

"Now,  say,  John,"  remarked  the  old  fellow,  "haint  you  got  sense 
enuf  to  know  that  she  is  jest  as  dead  now  as  she  ever  will  be!" 

STRANGE  PRONUNCIATION. 

Senator  Bradley  tells  a  story  on  John  Cundiff,  with  whom  he 
attended  school  in  1859.     Said  he: 

"Cundiff  was  an  overgrown  boy  about  eighteen  years  old.  He 
had  large  black  eyes  and  the  top  of  his  ears  was  about  level  with  the 
top  of  his  head.  A  stiff  roach  stood  like  a  faithful  sentinel  above  his 
forehead,  and,  when  brushed  by  his  hand,  actively  vibrated  for  some 
time  after.  His  voice  was  loud  and  resonant,  and  his  manner  strik- 
ingly defiant.  His  idiosyncracy  was  that,  try  as  he  would,  he  could 
rarely  pronounce  any  word  of  more  than  two  syllables  correctly,  and 
although  every  effort  was  made  to  enable  him  to  make  good,  it  resulted 
in  failure.  For  instance,  he  persisted  in  pronouncing  Socrates  as 
So-crates  and  Hercules,  Her-cules! 

"The  teacher  required  us  to  declaim  every  Friday,  and  while 
Cundiff  exercised  excellent  taste  in  his  selection  of  material,  he  persist- 
ed in  mispronouncing,  to  the  infinite  amusement  of  all  save  the 
teacher. 

"I  do  not  now  recall  the  author  of  the  elegant  piece  of  literature 
that  begins  'Scipio  and  Hannibal  were  two  competitors.  They 
waged  a  bloody  war  and  committed  great  slaughter.'  However,  Cun- 
diff memorized  and  delivered  it  as  follows : 

"  *Ski-pio  and  Hanni-bawl  were  two  great  com-pe-ti-tors.  They 
waged  a  bloody  war  and  com-i-ted  great  slag-gau-ter.' 

"Another  of  his  declamations  was  a  portion  of  Phillips'  great 
speech  on  Napoleon,  entitled,  'The  Characteristics  of  Napoleon  Bona- 
parte,' and  ran  about  as  follows  : 

'He  is  fallen !  We  now  pause  before  that  splendid  prodigy  which 
reared  itself  amongst  us  like  some  ancient  ruin!  *  *  *  *  Grand, 
gloomy,  and  peculiar,  he  sat  upon  the  throne,  a  sceptered  hermit 
wrapt  in  the  solitude  of  his  own  originality!  ♦  *  *  ♦  a  pretended 


128  Slorics  of  Williani  O.  Bradley. 

patriot,  he  impoverished  the  country.  A  professed  Catholic,  he  im- 
prisoned the  Pope!' 

"Cundiff  delivered  it— 

"  'He  is  fallen !  We  now  pause  before  that  splendid  prod-i-gee 
which  rared  itself  among  us  like  some  anchunt  ruing.  Grand,  gloomy 
and  pe-coo-ler  he  sot  upon  the  throne,  skeptered  hermit,  wropt  in 
the  solichude  of  his  own  o-rig-i-nal-ity.  *  *  *  A  pretended  pa-try-ot, 
he  im-pover-i-shed  the  country ;  a  professed  Kay-thol-ic  he  ini-pry- 
suned  the  Pup.* 

"Each  of  us  was  required  to  announce  the  subject  of  the  declama- 
tion in  advance.     Cundiff  announced  it  in  this  way: 

"  'The  Ka-ric-teri sties  of  Nap-o-le-an  Bo-nap-er-tee.'  " 

MADE  A  MISTAKE. 

A  negro  was  convicted  in  the  Fayette  circuit  court  before  Judge 
Ben  Buckner  for  stealing  a  calf,  and  at  the  same  term  a  young  white 
man,  of  a  prominent  family,  was  acquitted  for  stealing  a  whole  drove 
of  cattle,  upon  the  theory  that  he  did  so  during  an  aberration  of  mind 
which  rendered  him  irresponsible.  The  Judge  told  the  negro  to 
stand  up  and  give,  if  he  could,  any  reason  why  sentence  should  not 
be  passed  upon  him. 

The  negro  answered : 

"Jedge,  I  have  nothin'  to  say  'sept  I  made  a  mistake;  ef  I  had  a 
stole  a  hole  druv  instead  of  wun  caf,  I  v/ood  not  hev  bin  foun'  gilty." 

COUNTENANCE  AND  CHARACTER. 

In  the  earlier  period  of  Kentucky  there  lived  a  Baptist  preacher 
named  Wolverton.  He  was  an  exceedingly  pious  man  and  effective 
preacher,  but  was  afflicted  with  a  low  forehead  and  large  eyebrows, 
a  bushy  head  of  hair,  a  large  nose,  and  small  penetrating  black  eyes. 

He  was  invited,  with  several  persons  of  quality,  to  take  dinner 
with  Billy  Woods,  a  rich  man,  but  not  of  the  best  character.  Woods 
was  a  garrulous  individual,  who  talked  without  ceasing,  and  had  a 
happy  faculty  of  always  saying  the  wrong  thing.  Turning  to  Wolver- 
ton, he  remarked: 

"Brother  Wolverton,  considering  what  a  good  and  great  man  you 
are,  the  Lord  certainly  did  you  a  shameful  injustice  in  giving  you 
such  an  awful  countenance." 

"Yes,"  replied  Wolverton,  "my  countenance  and  your  character 
would  hang  any  man  in  the  world." 


Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley.  129 

"THOROUGHLY  IMPARTIAL." 

Back  in  the  days  when  the  Kentucky  militia  had  regular  muster 
days,  "fist  and  skull"  fights  were  quite  common.  Indeed,  if  men  had  a 
difference,  that  day  was  selected  for  its  settlement.  In  that  period 
men  made  their  reputation  as  fighters,  and  such  a  reputation  was 
anxiously  sought  by  the  muscular  young  man, 

Ike  Camden  had  retired  from  the  ring  because  past  middle  age, 
but  was  held  in  high  esteem  for  his  enviable  record  as  a  "knock- 
downer  and  drag-outer." 

There  were  two  young  men  in  his  neighborhood,  neither  of  whom 
he  liked,  who  were  anxious  to  make  a  reputation,  with  as  few  scars  as 
possible,  by  having  a  fight,  which,  they  agreed,  should  be  brought  to 
an  early  close  by  Uncle  Ike  Camden,  before  it  had  become  serious; 
and  with  a  view  of  carrying  the  matter  into  effect.  Uncle  Ike  was 
called  upon  and  agreed  that  he  would  separate  them  in  a  short  while 
after  the  battle  began.  When  "Muster  Day"  rolled  around  the  two 
young  men  soon  managed  to  come  to  blows,  but  Uncle  Ike  failed  to 
separate  them.  Faster  and  more  furious  the  contest  raged,  but  Uncle 
Ike  did  not  move  an  inch.  Finally  one  of  them,  with  a  bleeding  nose 
cried  out: 

"Uncle  Ike,  you  have  forgot  something!" 

"No,  I  hain't,"  replied  Uncle  Ike,  "tb.e  truth  is,  boys,  I  never  wuz 
sich  a  impartial  observer  in  all  my  life." 

"LET  ME,  ISAAC,  OUT." 

In  Uncle  Ike's  palmy  days  he  managed  in  some  way  to  become 
involved  more  or  less  in  nearly  every  fist-i-cuff  that  came  up.  One 
muster  day  he  arrived  a  little  late,  and  observed,  as  he  came  up,  that 
a  fight  was  in  progress  in  which  a  considerable  number  of  men  were 
engaged.  Springing  from  his  horse  he  rushed  up  to  the  combatants 
exclaiming : 

"Boys,  is  this  a  free  fight?" 
Someone  replied  that  it  was. 

"Then,"  said  he,  "let  me,  Isaac,  in ;"  and  in  he  went. 
In  a  short  while  he  was  badly  beaten  up  and,  managing  to  get 
on  his  feet,  he  asked: 

"Did  you  say  this  is  a  free  fight?" 

And  being  answered  in  the  affirmative,  he  exclaimed: 

"Then  let  me,  Isaac,  out." 


130  Stories  of  J-Villiam  O.  Bradley. 

A  HEARTFELT  WISH. 

Nearly  all  of  Boyle  county  is  composed  of  beautiful  blue  grass 
land,  but  a  small  portion  of  it  is  rough  and  called  the  "Knobs."  In 
the  latter  section  are,  and  always  have  been,  some  eccentric  characters. 
A  gentleman  from  that  section  witnessed  a  fight  between  his  son 
and  another  man  in  Danville,  after  which  he  was  called  to  testify  in 
the  police  court.  Having  given  his  name  and  stated  that  he  saw 
the  fight,  he  was  asked  to  proceed  in  his  own  way  to  tell  all  about 
it ;  which  request  he  complied  with. 

"I  heerd  some  loud  chat  and  noticed  a  scatterment  dov/n  by 
Evans's  drug  store.  I  got  thar  as  soon  as  I  could,  and  found  my 
son  Josier  and  one  of  the  Rowseys  in  a  fight.  They  wuz  a  havin' 
it  up  and  down,  and  the  dust,  hit  riz  like  a  cloud.  Of  and  endurin'  of 
the  fight  I  hearn  my  son  Josier  say,  *I  wish  to  God  I  was  outen  here ;' 
and  then  I  made  a  rush  for  Rowsey,  and  some  stranger,  who  I  never 
seed  before,  struck  me  in  the  face,  and  I  lost  my  riccolexyun,  and 
neither  seed  nor  heerd  no  more." 

WORKING  A  BROKEN  JAW. 

Judge  Frank  Finley,  of  Williamsburg,  Kentucky,  was  for  a  num- 
ber of  years,  Judge  of  the  circuit  court  in  his  district,  and  later  served 
in  the  Lower  House  of  Congress.  His  early  opportunities  had  been 
limited,  but,  by  reason  of  great  strength  of  character,  application,  and 
common  sense,  he  became  very  successful  as  a  lawyer  and  a  politician. 

He  related  a  story  that  took  place  in  his  court  concerning  an  old 
horse  that  had  a  broken  jaw,  and  persistently  refused  to  take  on  flesh. 
Jones  had  been  sued  for  damages  for  selling  the  horse  and  concealing 
its  defects  at  the  time.    In  testifying,  the  plaintiff  stated : 

"Men,  when  I  traded  for  this  boss  I  seed  nothin'  wrong  with  him, 
and  Jones  told  me  he  war  all  right.  He  said  he  would  soon  git  fat 
if  I  would  only  feed  him.  Well,  I  fed  him,  and  fed  him,  and  the 
more  I  fed  him  the  poorer  he  got.  So  I  thought  I  would  watch  him 
and  see  what  the  matter  wuz.  I  found  his  lower  jaw  was  broke  on 
the  off  side  of  his  mouth,  and  there  was  a  good  size  space  between  his 
jaws ;  while  on  tother  side  the  jaws  fit  all  right.  I  soon  saw  while 
he  were  a  eatin,'  that  what  went  in  on  the  good  side,  come  out  on 
the  bad  side ;  and  that  the  reason  he  wuz  pore  wuz  that  he  subsisted 
out  more'n  he  subsisted  in." 

AN  EASY-GOING  NEIGHBORHOOD. 

In  another  case.  Judge  Finley  related  that  a  witness  was  intro- 
duced to  attack  the  character  of  another,  and,  after  having  qualified 
himself  to  speak,  testified : 


Stories  of  IVilliam  O.  Bradley.  131 

"His  char-ac-ter  wan't  good — but  I'll  tell  ye,  men,  in  the  locality 
whar  he  lives  a  mighty  little  char-ac-ter  goes  a  mighty  long  ways." 

A  BIG  TUILMIP. 

Many  years  ago  there  lived  a  preacher  in  Garrard  county,  whose 
name  will  not  be  given  lest  the  feeling  of  his  numerous  descendants 
might  be  wounded.  He  was  a  man  of  great  intellectual  force  and 
lived  a  blameless  life,  except  for  the  wonderful  stories  he  told,  all  of 
which  he  appeared  to  believe  to  be  true. 

He  said  that  he  once  cleaned  up  a  quarter  of  an  acre  of  ground, 
fenced  it  in  and  sowed  it  in  turnips.  Some  time  after  he  noticed  that 
the  turnips  near  the  center  were  forced  out  of  the  ground,  and  thus 
continued  outward  until  there  was  but  one  turnip  top  visible,  and  that 
was  in  the  center  of  the  patch.  After  careful  investigation  he  found 
that  this  turnip  had  grown  until  it  covered  the  entire  field,  forcing 
the  others  out.  About  this  time  he  lost  a  valuable  heifer,  and  after 
looking  everywhere  on  the  place,  he  found  that  she  had  eaten  her 
way  into  the  turnip.    Said  he: 

"I  knew  I  would  have  to  procure  an  enormous  kettle  in  which  to 
cook  that  turnip;  so  I  went  to  the  Red  River  Iron  Works,  in  Bath 
county,  and  ordered  it  made.  Three  hundred  men  worked  on  it  night 
and  day  for  three  weeks,  and  on  Saturday  night  of  the  last  week, 
when  it  was  completed,  the  head  workman  carelessly  dropped  his 
hammer  and  just  as  we  reached  the  spot  on  Monday  morning  early, 
we  heard  the  hammer  strike  the  bottom." 

A  GREAT  HUNTER. 

In  the  adjoining  county  of  Madison,  there  is  a  hill  of  considerable 
size  called  "Round  Hill."  The  name  is  very  appropriate,  for  the  base 
of  the  hill  forms  a  perfect  circle.  The  preacher  located  one  of  his 
most  remarkable  experiences  at  that  place.  He  was  really  a  very 
successful  hunter,  but  from  his  accounts  it  will  be  seen  that  he  was  a 
remarkable  hunter,  as  well.  Talking  to  an  admiring  group  of  friends, 
he  remarked: 

"I  once  went  to  Round  Hill  a-hunting.  In  those  days  there  was 
a  forest  around  it.  When  I  neared  the  hill  a  buck  started  up  and  took 
out  around  the  hill.  I  followed  for  some  time,  but  could  not  get  a 
shot ;  so  I  bent  my  gun-barrel  across  my  knee  to  correspond  with  the 
curve  of  the  hill  and  fired,  when  the  bullet  followed  the  buck  and 
killed  him.  I  went  on  to  where  the  buck  had  fallen  and  straightened 
the  barrel.  Near  at  hand,  I  saw  some  honey  running  out  of  a  tree, 
where  the  ball  had  entered,  and  I  drove  a  peg  in  the  tree  until  I  could 


132  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

return,  which  I  did,  in  a  few  days,  and  me  and  my  friends  took  home 
five  pounds  of  splendid  honey.  But  this,  aside.  I  cut  off  the  hind 
quarters  from  the  buck,  slung  them  across  my  shoulders,  and  started 
home.  I  had  on  a  very  large  and  loose  pair  of  pants  which  turned  out 
to  my  advantage,  for  when  I  reached  the  creek  the  water  was  up  and 
I  had  to  wade.  When  I  got  on  the  other  side  of  the  creek  I  took 
fifteen  pounds  of  jumpin'  perch  out  of  my  pants,  and  you  may  easily 
understand  how  we  lived  on  the  deer,  honey  and  fish,  for  some  time." 

CAPTURING  A  YOUNG  EAGLE. 

"Many  years  ago,"  said  he,  "when  I  was  a  young  man  I  had 
business  in  the  State  of  Maine.  It  was  during  the  winter  and  was 
exceedingly  cold.  I  located  an  eagle's  nest  at  the  top  of  a  crag  and 
determined  to  capture  one  of  the  young  eagles.  To  do  this,  I  was 
compelled  to  climb  an  icicle  for  about  fifty  feet  to  reach  the  place. 
Just  as  I  got  the  young  bird  the  two  old  eagles  appeared  on  the  scene ; 
and,  to  escape  their  beaks  and  claws,  I  slid  down  the  icicle  so  fast  that 
I  set  the  seat  of  my  pants  on  fire,  and  from  that  day  to  the  present  I 
have  always  been  prejudiced  against  eagles." 

THE  ROAR  OF  A  LION. 

"When  I  was  a  small  boy,"  remarked  the  old  man,  "I  attended 
the  first  circus  and  menagerie  that  ever  came  into  the  county.  Some 
man  punched  the  lion,  which  was  an  enormous  beast,  and  he  uttered  a 
terrible  roar — a  roar  that  fairly  shook  the  earth.  When  I  undertook 
to  run  away  I  could  not  move.  Looking  down  to  see  what  was  the 
cause,  I  found  that  I  had  sunk  into  the  ground  up  to  my  knees.  I 
had  great  difficulty  in  releasing  myself,  so  much  so,  that  I  have 
never  attended  such  a  place  from  that  day  to  this." 

THE  SQUIRRELS  AND  THE  CORN. 

Another  story  that  he  told  was : 

"I  once  had  a  hundred-acre  river  bottom  farm  as  fine  as  a  crow 
ever  flew  over.  One  year  I  raised  an  enormous  crop  of  corn.  After 
the  corn  had  ripened,  I  noticed  on  the  side  adjoining  the  river  that  a 
large  quantity  had  disappeared.  So  I  concluded  to  watch  and  see 
who  was  stealing  my  corn.  I  concealed  myself  the  foilov/ing  morning, 
early,  in  a  small  thicket  that  bordered  the  river.  I  had  not  been  there 
long  before  I  saw  a  number  of  objects  start  from  the  opposite  bank. 
For  a  time  I  could  not  discern  what  they  were,  but  as  they  came  closer, 
I  discovered  they  were  squirrels — about  a  hundred  of  them — each 
seated  on  a  shingle  and  propelling  it  with  his  tail.    When  they  reached 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  133 

the  bank  they  left  their  shingles  in  a  little  cove  and  went  out  in  the 
field.  Presently,  each  one  returned  with  an  ear  of  corn,  and,  mounting 
his  shingle,  propelled  himself  to  the  opposite  side  of  the  river.  The 
next  day,  in  company  with  a  dozen  expert  wood-choppers,  we  cut 
down  every  hollow  tree  on  the  side  where  the  squirrels  landed,  and 
found  four  hundred  barrels  of  corn,  besides  killing  many  of  the 
squirrels ;  indeed,  we  lived  on  squirrels  for  several  weeks." 

SOME  HEWER. 

He  also  related  the  following: 

"Many  years  ago  I  was  in  New  Orleans,  and  saw  in  the  papers 
that  a  'hewing  match'  was  to  take  place  near  the  city ;  the  best  hewer 
to  receive  a  premium  of  twenty-five  dollars  in  gold.  I  concluded  to 
compete  for  it ;  so,  I  sharpened  my  broad-ax  until  I  could  have  easily 
shaved  with  it,  and  was  there  bright  and  early.  There  were  many 
expert  axmen  present,  and  I  waited  until  all  of  them  were  through, 
when,  fastening  the  ax  handle  in  my  belt,  I  climbed  a  cypress  tree  two 
hundred  feet  high,  and  then  went  down  it  head  foremost,-  cutting  off 
the  limbs  and  hewing  it  to  a  perfect  eight  square  until  I  reached  the 
ground.  Of  course  the  crowd  was  greatly  astonished  and  when  the 
twenty-five  dollars  was  paid  to  me  there  was  much  hand-shaking 
and  congratulations." 

NOVEL  EXPERIMENT. 

In  the  late  seventies  and  early  eighties,  the  Kuklux  operated  ex- 
tensively in  Rockcastle  county,  Kentucky.  Of  course,  they  were  con- 
demned by  many  people,  who  were  afraid  to  speak  openly.  However, 
matters  grew  worse  until,  at  length,  the  better  element  came  out  boldly 
in  denunciation ;  after  which,  the  clan  disbanded. 

As  time  passed,  the  band  fell  into  great  disrepute  and  no  set  of 
men  were  more  unpopular;  not  only  those  who  were  known  to  have 
been  actively  engaged,  but  also  those  who  aided  the  organization  by 
contribution.  About  this  time  Senator  Bradley  instituted  an  action 
for  damages  for  a  young  Mr.  Fish,  through  his  next  friend  and  grand- 
mother, Mrs.  Fish,  against  the  Kentucky  Central  Railroad  Company. 

On  the  trial,  the  old  lady  was  an  important  witness,  and  the  de- 
fendant's attorneys  introduced  Wm.  H.  Albright,  Sheriff,  Willis  Adams 
and  William  Stewart,  proving  by  them  that  her  moral  character  was 
bad,  and  that  they  would  not  believe  her  on  oath  where  interested. 
Bradley  could  find  no  one  by  whom  he  could  sustain  the  old  lady's 
character ;  so  after  a  few  minutes  consultation  with  her,  he  called  her 
to  the  witness  stand,  and  after  proving  by  her  that  she  was  well  ac- 


134  Stories  of  IVilHam  0.  Bradley. 

quainted  with  the  three  witnesses  named,  and  their  general  moral 
character,  she  was  asked  what  that  character  was.  She  answered 
that  it  was  "extremely  bad." 

Thereupon  defendant's  attorney  asked  her  to  specify  how  it  was 
bad. 

"Well,  sir,"  said  she,  "as  to  Adams  and  Stewart,  they  both  pretend 
to  be  mighty  good  men,  but  everybody  knows  they  have  been  the 
mainstay  of  the  Kuklux  and  spent  money  to  organize  it,  and  hired 
lawyers  to  keep  'em  outen  the  penitentiary.  As  to  Bill  Albright,  he  is 
the  ring  leader  of  the  gang." 

The  jury  gave  the  plaintiff  a  verdict. 

THE  POOR  LITTLE  SCATTERED  POTATOES. 

There  lives  in  Corbin,  Kentucky,  a  lawyer,  Sam  Kash.  He 
is  the  soul  of  hospitality,  has  succeeded  remarkably  well  in 
business,  and  has  become  one  of  the  most  effective  jury  speakers 
and  campaign  orators  in  the  State.  In  his  younger  days  he  made  a 
most  amusing  speech.  He  was  prosecuting  a  man  for  killing  his 
mother-in-law.  The  evidence  showed  that  on  Sunday  morning  the 
old  lady  had  gone  out  in  the  garden  and  "gravelled"  a  basket  of  pota- 
toes with  which  she  started  towards  the  house,  when  the  defendant 
shot  and  killed  her. 

Said  Kash :  "Ah,  gentlemen  of  the  jury,  picture  to  3^ourself  this 
awful  scene.  On  that  beautiful  Sunday  morning,  the  sun  was  shining 
brightly  and  the  air  was  redolent  with  the  perfume  of  the  apple  blos- 
soms. The  old  lady,  anxious  to  prepare  an  acceptable  meal,  had 
gone  out  in  the  garden,  gravelled  a  few  potatoes,  placed  them  in  a 
basket,  and  had  started  to  the  house  to  prepare  the  meal.  Bent  with 
age,  she  was  thinking  of  the  goodness  of  her  Maker,  who  had  spared 
her  for  so  many  years  and  quietly  sending  up  a  prayer  of  gratitude, 
not  supposing  for  an  instant  that  she  was  about  to  be  ushered  into 
His  presence,  when  this  beast,  this  v/orse-than-devil  in  human  form, 
deliberately  and  maliciously  took  aim,  and  emptied  the  contents  of 
his  shot  gun  into  her  aged  form. 

"Aye,  gentlemen,  think  of  the  wife  of  this  brute  who  witnessed 
the  murder  of  her  mother;  think  of  her  little  children  who  clung  in 
terror  to  her  skirts,  think  of  the  poor  old  woman  hurled  in  an  instant 
into  eternity  and  think — think — think — "  Here  the  speaker  seemed  to 
be  unable  to  call  something  to  mind,  when,  with  a  desperate  effort,  he 
exclaimed :  "and  think  of  the  poor  little  scattered  potatoes !" 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  135 

WHY  HE  MARRIED  THREE  SISTERS. 

Several  gentlemen  at  the  Pendennis  Club  were  discussing  the 
merits  and  demerits  (mostly  the  latter)  of  mothers-in-law.  After 
the  subject  had  been  pretty  thoroughly  exhausted,  as  it  was  thought, 
Col.  Henry  Watterson  said,  that  he  had  known  a  great  number  of 
intelligent  men  during  his  life,  but  of  all  that  number  he  was  satisfied 
that  Donald  Graybeal  was  the  most  intelligent,  as  well  as  the  most 
thoughtful,  on  account  of  the  reason  he  gave  for  marrying  three 
sisters.     Several  gentlemen  inquired,  simultaneously : 

"What  was  it?" 

"Well,"  said  Watterson,  "he  said  the  reason  was  that  he  could 
not  bear  the  thought  of  having  more  than  one  mother-in-law." 

TAKE  YOUR  TIME  FOR  IT. 

There  lived  in  Lancaster,  Kentucky,  during  the  Civil  War,  a 
hotel  clerk  named  Cook  Suddath.  He  was  given  to  droll  sayings. 
A  Pennsylvania  regiment  was  encamped  near  the  town  and  one  of 
the  soldiers,  who  was  a  stutterer  of  the  most  violent  type,  walked  up 
to  Suddath,  who  had  gotten  into  a  buggy  to  drive  out  on  some  busi- 
ness, and  said : 

"Mis — mis — mister  ka — ka — ka." 

"All  right,  my  friend,"  said  Suddath,  "I'm  goin'  to  the  country, 
and  will  be  back  in  an  hour.  Just  stand  where  you  are  and  take  your 
time  for  it,  and  maybe  you  can  say  what  you  want  to  by  the  time 
I  come  back." 

"AND  McQUERTER  DRANK  HIS." 

Some  decades  ago  there  lived  in  a  Kentucky  county  a  gentleman 
by  the  name  of  McQuerter,  who  was  the  most  popular  man  in  the 
county,  and  whose  influence  was  anxiously  sought  by  every  Demo- 
cratic candidate.  He  was  in  independent  circumstances,  the  owner  of 
a  valuable  farm  on  which  was  a  pretentious  residence,  and  he  v/as  the 
soul  of  hospitality. 

"Little  Phil"  Thompson,  who  was  running  for  Congress,  was 
extremely  anxious  to  obtain  McQuerter's  support;  so  he  managed  to 
reach  his  house  about  sun-down  for  the  purpose  of  remaining  over 
night.  When  he  rode  up  to  the  stile  block,  the  hearty  voice  of  Mc- 
Querter rang  out: 

"Light,  Phil,  light,  and  come  in!" 

Phil  "lit"  without  further  invitation,  and  started  up  to  the  house, 
meeting  McQuerter  about  half  way,  and  receiving  a  hearty  shake  of 
the  hand.  When  they  reached  the  porch  McQuerter  introduced 
Thompson  to  his  wife,  a  large,  tall,  handsome  woman,  weighing  about 


136  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

200  pounds.  She  greeted  Thompson  pleasantly  and  entered  the  house. 
The  remainder  of  the  story  will  be  related  in  the  language  of  Thomp- 
son. 

"A  few  minutes  after  we  sat  down,  Mrs.  McQuerter  came  in  with 
two  steaming  glasses  of  apple  jack,  saying:  'It's  good  and  won't  hurt 
you;'  one  of  which  I  drank,  and  McQuerter  drank  his.  Presently 
we  were  invited  into  the  dining  room  and  seated,  when  I  observed 
two  more  glasses  of  the  same  delicious  decoction,  one  at  each  of  our 
plates — McQuerter  politely  asked  me  to  partake,  saying:  'It's  good, 
and  won't  hurt  you' ;  I  drank  it ;  and  McQuerter  drank  his. 

"After  supper,  McQuerter,  his  wife,  and  myself,  remained  seated 
at  the  table  for  some  hours,  and  every  few  minutes  hot  apple  jack  was 
served,  always  with  the  assurance,  'It's  good,  and  won't  hurt  you; 
drink  it';  which  invitation  I  did  not  refuse,  and  McQuerter  always 
drank  his.  Directly,  I  noticed  that  Mrs.  McQuerter,  who  sat  at  the 
head  of  the  table,  seemed  to  be  a  long  distance  from  me,  and  the  table, 
which  was  one  of  ordinary  proportions,  seemed  to  be  about  thirty  feet 
long.  Her  voice  seemd  to  grow  fainter  each  time  when  she  asked  me 
to  'have  a  drink.'  Finally,  she  seemed  to  be  a  very  small  woman,  but 
managed  in  a  still  weaker  voice  to  say  'have  another  drink,'  which  I 
always  accepted,  and  McQuerter  drank  his. 

"I  could  scarcely  believe  my  eyes,  when  I  noticed  that  Mrs. 
McQuerter  was  flitting  back  and  forth  about  the  size  of  a  butterfly, 
and  all  at  once  she  disappeared,  leaving  McQuerter  and  me  at  the 
table ;  and  the  last  thing  I  remembered,  until  the  next  morning  when 
I  awoke,  was,  that  after  she  left  I  took  one  more  drink  and  McQuerter 
drank  his.  It  is  perhaps  unnecessary  to  add  that  McQuerter  voted 
for  me  and  I  was  elected." 

THE  LAWS  AND  THE  COURT  OF  APPEALS. 

Humphrey  Marshall  was  unquestionably  one  of  the  greatest  in- 
tellects ever  produced  by  Kentucky.  He  was  an  enormous  man,  phy- 
sically, weighing  over  three  hundred  pounds.  He  served  in  Congress, 
was  a  Confederate  Brigadier  General,  and  most  profound  lawyer. 

While  the  general  was  absent  during  the  war,  the  Court  of  Ap- 
peals had  rendered  several  opinions  which  he  thought  substantially 
nullified  the  statutes.  The  lawyers  of  the  State,  shortly  after  the 
war  was  ended,  held  a  convention  in  Frankfort  and  elected  General 
Marshall  to  preside.  When  he  reached  the  stand  he  delivered  a  short 
address,  returning  thanks  for  the  honor  conferred,  and,  among  other 
things,  said: 


Stories  of  IVilliatn  O.  Bradley.  137 

"This  convention  has  in  view  the  accompHshment  of  many  needed 
reforms,  its  chief  office  being  to  bring  the  Court  of  Appeals  into  har- 
mony with  the  laws  of  the  land." 

CONTEMPT. 

Azariah  Merrill  was  a  Justice  of  the  Peace  in  Lancaster,  Ken- 
tucky, who  was  naturally  filled  with  importance  by  reason  of  his 
exalted  position,  but,  at  times,  was  otherwise  full.  On  one  of  these 
occasions  he  was  standing  on  the  corner,  for  he  was  scarcely  able  to 
turn  a  corner,  when  a  young  lawyer,  whom  he  disliked,  passed  by  and 
failed  to  speak  to  him. 

"I  fine  you  two  dollars  for  contempt,"  exclaimed  the  Squire. 

"You  can't  fine  me,  because  your  court  is  not  in  session,"  re- 
torted the  lawyer. 

"Young  man,"  said  Merrill,  "I  will  have  you  understand,  sir,  that 
this  court  is  at  all  times  subject  to  contempt." 

INCORRIGIBLE  DEBTOR. 

Samuel  M.  Burdett,  of  Mt.  Vernon,  Kentucky,  was  one  of  the 
most  prominent  and  brilliant  young  lawyers  in  the  State.  He  was  a 
charming  companion  and  intensely  interesting.  His  greatest  fault 
was  borrowing  money  from  his  friends  and  forgetting  to  pay.  Being 
in  pressing  need  he  borrowed  some  money  from  Senator  Bradley,  for 
which  he  gave  his  note  with  his  partner,  John  Brown,  as  security.  The 
note  ran  on  for  some  years,  Burdett  having  left  the  State  and  gone  to 
St.  lyouis.  Bradley  needed  his  money,  but  was  determined  his  friend 
John  Brown,  who  was  not  blessed  with  a  plethora  of  this  world's  goods, 
should  not  pay  it.  He  suggested  to  Brown  that  he  write  to  Burdett, 
requesting  him  to  pay  it.  Brown  thereupon  wrote  Burdett,  inform- 
ing him  that  Bradley  was  demanding  payment,  that  he  (Bradley)  was 
really  in  need  of  it  as  he  had  expended  a  considerable  sum  shortly 
before  in  helping  to  elect  his  brother-in-law.  Morrow,  circuit  judge, 
and  that  Bradley  hoped  he  would  liquidate.  Burdett  responded  as 
follows : 

"I  don't  know  why  Bradley  should  annoy  me  about  that  little 
debt.  He  has  several  houses,  any  one  of  which  he  could  sell  or  mort- 
gage and  raise  the  money  without  difficulty.  If  he  won't  do  this,  then 
let  him  garnishee  Judge  Morrow's  salary." 

"BETTER  WRIT  A  LETTER." 

Granville  Philpot  was  elected  to  the  Legislature  from  Clay 
county,  Kentucky.     He  had  lost  a  leg  in  the  Civil  War  and  was  a  most 


138  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

courageous,  honest,  sensible  man  who  held  in  supreme  contempt  any 
man  who  professed  to  have  ability  when  he  did  not  really  have  it. 
There  was  a  gentleman  elected  from  Madison  county  to  the  same 
Legislature  by  the  name  of  Durrett  Tribble.  Tribble  was  an  exceed- 
ingly nice  fellow,  very  dressy  and  remarkably  fond  of  the  company  of 
young  ladies ;  so  much  so,  as  to  frequently  be  absent  from  the  floor 
conversing  with  the  girls  in  the  lobby  of  the  House. 

Philpot  was  trying  to  have  a  bill  passed  in  which  his  people  were 
especially  interested,  and  Tribble  took  the  floor  and  opposed  it.  After 
Tribble  concluded,  Philpot  arose,  and  driving  his  peg  leg  into  the 
floor  with  great  force,  said : 

"I  don't  see,  sir,  as  how  this  is  any  of  your  business.  You  are 
never  in  your  seat  and  don't  know  what  is  going  on,  nohow.  I  don't 
know  why  your  people  ever  sent  you  here  for,  any  way.  They  had 
better  kept  you  at  home  and  writ  a  letter." 

"GO  THROUGH  HELL  A-POPPIN." 

Old  Ben  Hardwick,  or  "Hardick,"  as  he  was  commonly  called, 
lived  near  Lancaster,  He  was  an  ignorant  old  blacksmith,  and  was 
frequently  drunk. 

Finally,  old  age  and  liquor  got  him  down,  and  it  became  apparent 
that  he  could  live  but  a  few  hours.  Appreciating  his  condition,  he 
called  his  wife  to  the  bedside,  and  made  the  following  request : 

"Old  ooman,  I  am  about  played  out,  and  I  want  you  to  see  that  I 
am  buried  in  a  cedar  coffin  so  I  can  go  through  hell  a-poppin." 

ANTICIPATED  "ONPLEASANTNESS." 

Mrs.  Sarah  Philpot  who  lived  in  the  feud  district  of  Kentucky, 
gave  the  following  evidence  before  a  jury : 

"Well,  men,  I  went  over  to  Bill  Brown's  to  'tend  a  party.  Arter 
we  had  bin  thar  about  a  hour,  the  two  Sairses  come  and  raised  a 
controversy  with  Pete  Stivers,  and  cut  him  to  mortal  hash.  Shortly, 
the  Stivers  boys  got  thar  and  commenced  shootin  at  the  Sairses,  and 
the  Sairses  was  a  shootin'  back,  and  two  of  the  men  fell  to  the  floor, 
when  I,  thinkin'  if  the  thing  kept  on  thar  would  be  some  onpleasant- 
ness,  riz  up  and  went  home,  as  I  didn't  want  to  see  it." 

DOCTOR  BRECKINRIDGE'S  BET. 

Rev.  Robert  J.  Breckinridge  was  one  of  the  most  distinguished 
Presbyterian  preachers  in  Kentucky.  He  was  an  abolitionist,  and 
later  in  life,  a  bitter,  partisan  Republican.     He  had  two  sons,  William 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  139 

C.  P.  and  Robert,  who  went  into  the  Confederate  army,  and  another, 
Joseph,  who  went  into  the  Union  Army. 

The  Doctor  was  a  great  controversialist  both  in  rehgion  and 
politics. 

Riding  along  the  highway  with  a  brother  preacher  of  his  church, 
he  asserted  that  all  the  drunken,  degraded  element  would  be  found  in 
the  Democratic  party.  His  companion,  being  a  Democrat,  hotly  denied 
the  truth  of  his  assertion.  About  this  time  they  took  a  short  turn  in 
the  road,  and  discovered  a  drunken  man  riding  horseback  on  a  sack 
of  corn  which  he  was  taking  to  the  neighboring  mill.  He  was  so 
drunk  that  he  was  swaying  from  side  to  side,  and  appeared  to  be  in 
imminent  danger  of  falling  from  his  horse.  Said  Breckinridge  to 
his  friend: 

"Now,  I  will  bet  you  a  jug  of  buttermilk  that  fellow  is  a  Demo- 
crat." 

The  bet  was  readily  accepted,  when  the  two  rode  up  to  the  man  and 
Breckinridge  informed  him  that  they  had  made  a  bet  on  his  politics, 
and  desired  to  know  what  they  were.    Said  Breckinridge : 

"I  have  bet  my  friend  that  you  are  a  Democrat.  Am  I  right 
or  wrong?" 

"Mister,"  replied  the  stranger,  "I'm  a  pore,  one-gallused,  drunk, 
triflin'  man ;  I  am  nothin',  and  durned  little  of  that,  but  I  never  yit 
have  got  so  low  down  as  to  be  a  Dimocrat !" 

The  two  preachers  laughed  heartily  and  rode  on,  agreeing  that  it 
was  impossible  to  tell  which  one  of  them  was  the  butt  of  the  joke. 

SORRY  BILL  BIRD  COULD'NT  HEAR  IT. 

Colonel  Anson  Clark  was  Commonwealth's  Attorney  in  the  Lon- 
don circuit  court,  and  was  one  of  the  most  powerful  prosecutors  in 
Kentucky.  He  had  been  a  gallant  Colonel  in  the  Union  Army,  and 
stood  high ;  after  the  circumstances  mentioned  he  was  elected  Circuit 
Judge. 

John  Bossie,  an  Italian  coal  miner,  killed  Bill  Bird,  and  Senator 
Bradley,  in  defending  him  had  earnestly  pleaded  for  equal  justice  for 
the  man  who  had  left  his  home  in  Italy  to  seek  an  asylum  in  the 
United  States.     Clark  answered: 

"Mr.  Bradley  has  made  a  most  eloquent  plea,  as  he  always  does.  I 
was  deeply  moved  by  his  beautiful  description  of  'Sunny  Italy;'  in- 
deed, I  was  moved  almost  to  tears  because  of  my  deep  regret  that 
poor  Bill  Bird  could  riot  hear  it." 


140  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

A  VI-GOROUS  CAMPAIGN. 

Walter  Evans  was  a  distinguished  member  of  the  Lower  House 
of  Congress  from  the  Louisville  District,  and  is  now  and  for  years 
has  been  a  faithful,  vigilant  and  able  Judge  of  the  United  States 
District  Court  for  Kentucky.  In  1879  he  was  the  Republican  candi- 
date for  Governor  in  Kentucky.  He  had  an  appointment  to  speak  at 
Columbia,  and  as  soon  as  he  reached  the  town  a  number  of  his  politi- 
tal  friends  visited  him  at  the  hotel,  among  others,  "Uncle"  Johnny 
Murray.  Murray  was  considerably  advanced  in  years  and  was  a  man 
of  high  standing. 

When  he  was  introduced  to  Evans  he  gave  him  a  hearty  shake 
of  the  hand,  assured  him  of  his  pleasure  in  meeting  him,  and  the  pleas- 
ure it  would  give  him  to  vote  for  him.    Said  he: 

"Colonel,  I  reckon  you  are  nearly  wore  out  making  this  tower  of 
the  State,  and  I  reckon  it  is  a  costin'  a  sight,  hain't  it?" 

"Yes"  replied  Evans,  "I  am  nearly  worn  out,  and  the  expense  is 
considerable." 

At  this  point  of  the  conversation  "Uncle"  Johnny  reached  down 
into  his  pants  pocket,  nearly  to  his  knees,  and  drew  out  an  old-fash- 
ioned buckskin  purse  on  which  were  two  iron  rings,  and  taking  a  silver 
quarter  therefrom,  handed  it  to  Evans  with  this  encouraging  remark : 

"Here  Col.  Evans,  take  this  here  quarter  and  make  a  vi-gorous 
campaign." 

CICRUMSTANCES  ALTER  CASES. 

Richard  L.  Ewell,  of  London,  is  both  lawyer  and  preacher,  and 
excels  as  either.  In  1881  he  made  a  remarkably  fine  race  for  Congress, 
greatly  reducing  the  Democratic  majority  in  the  District.  In  joint 
debate  his  opponent,  "Little  Phil"  Thompson,  told  an  anecdote  re- 
flecting on  the  character  of  preachers  generally,  which  of  course  ruf- 
fled Ewell,  who,  in  his  response,  turning  to  Thompson,  said : 

"You  may  say  what  you  please  about  preachers,  but  I  thank 
God  I  was  never  cowhided  by  a  woman." 

Thompson  got  purple  in  the  face,  and  said  if  Ewell  meant  the 
charge  for  him,  he  denounced  it  as  a  lie, 

"Now  Phil,"  said  he,  "don't  get  excited,  if  you  never  had  such  an 
experience,  lest  your  excitement  convinces  people  of  your  guilt!" 

Thompson  got  purple  in  the  face  and  said  if  Ewell  meant  the 
charge  for  him,  he  denounced  it  as  a  lie. 

"The  proof  of  the  pudding  is  in  'chewing  the  bag,' "  retorted 
Ewell.  "I  dare  you  to  pull  off  your  shirt  and  show  your  back  to  the 
crowd !" 


Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley.  141 

Of  course  Thompson  could  not,  and  did  not,  comply  with  the 
request,  b}^  reason  of  which  the  audience  yelled  with  delight.  After 
the  speaking  was  over  and  the  two  candidates  were  riding  along  the 
road,  Thompson  demanded  an  apology.    Ewell  remarked : 

"You  told  a  foul  anecdote  at  my  expense  and  I  was  only  trying 
to  get  even  with  you;  if  you  will  never  tell  it  again  we  will  call  it 
square,  and  I  will  not  repeat  my  charge  against  you." 

This  was  agreed  to  and  the  balance  of  the  campaign  was  unusually 
pleasant. 

A  HAPPY  ANSWER. 

Major  Rigney,  of  Casey  county,  was  the  Democratic  nominee  for 
State  Senator.  He  had  been  a  gallant  Union  officer  during  the  War  of 
the  Rebellion,  and,  while  deficient  in  education,  was  a  man  of  sterling 
good  sense  and  unquestioned  integrity. 

The  Republicans  nominated  Capt.  Sam  Boone,  also  a  gallant 
Union  officer,  to  make  the  race  against  him.  Boone  was  a  well  edu- 
cated, shrewd  fellow,  and  quite  a  speaker.  So  he  laid  a  plan  to  trap 
the  Major  by  exposing  his  ignorance.  In  a  joint  debate  at  Junction 
City,  at  the  conclusion  of  his  speech,  he  declared: 

"I  am  going  to  ask  the  gentleman  a  question  that  he  cannot,  and 
daVe  not,  answer.  I  dare  him  to  tell  this  audience  how  he  stands  on 
transubstantiation." 

Boone  immediately  sat  down  so  as  to  give  Rigney  no  opportunity 
to  seek  information. 

The  Major  arose  slowly,  evidently  meditating  on  what  his  answer 
should  be.  He  was  greatly  perturbed,  and  energetically  mopped  the 
sweat  from  his  face  and  bald  head  with  a  bandana  handkerchief. 
In  order  to  gain  time,  he  requested  Boone  to  repeat  his  question,  which 
was  readily  and  defiantly  done. 

Rigney  replied : 

"My  friend  wants  to  know  how  I  stand  on  the  doctrine  of— what 
do  you  call  it,  Boone?" 

"Transubstantiation,"  thundered  Boone. 

"Well,  Mr.  Boone,  I  stand  on  that  question  as  I  do  on  all  others — 
flat-footed  with  the  Democratic  party." 

NO  GIRL  TO  PLAY  ON  IT. 

An  ignorant  brother  of  the  Methodist  faith  refused  to  contribute 
anything  for  the  purchase  of  a  church  chandelier.  This  was  a  sur- 
prise to  the  congregation  who  knew  him  theretofore  to  have  been 
universally  liberal  respecting  the  church.  At  length,  the  minister 
took  him  aside  and  asked  him  the  cause  of  his  strange  conduct. 


142  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"Because,  Brother  Ambrose,"  he  exclaimed,  "it  would  be  a  useless 
expense,  and  a  waste  of  money,  for  there  is  not  a  girl  in  the  congrega- 
tion that  knows  how  to  play  on  it." 

COULD  NOT  RIDE  IT. 

However,  the  brother  referred  to  was  little,  if  any  more  ignorant 
than  a  prominent  Central  Kentucky  politician,  who  declined  to  buy 
an  encyclopedia  on  the  ground  that  he  "didn't  know  how  to  ride  it, 
no  how." 

"THIRTEEN,  ME  CAPACITY." 

Judge  Holt,  ex-Chief  Justice  of  the  Kentucky  Court  of  Appeals, 
a  most  amiable  and  profound  lawyer,  relates  the  following  amusing 
episode  connected  with  his  practice. 

"We  were  trying  a  case  in  which  an  Irishman,  Pat  Dunnegan, 
testified  against  my  client  in  a  way  that  severely  crippled  his  cause. 
Knowing  Pat  well  as  a  drinking  man,  I  concluded  there  would  be  no 
difficulty  in  showing  that  he  was  under  the  influence  of  whiskey  at 
the  time  he  referred  to,  and  hence  his  testimony  would  be  unreliable 
I  asked  him : 

"Pat,  how  many  drinks  had  you  taken  that  day  before  the  time 
you  heard  the  conversation  you  have  detailed?" 

"  'Nine,  Sor,'  was  his  ready  response. 

"Well,"  said  I,  "were  you  not  very  seriously  under  the  influence 
of  liquor?" 

"  'No,  Sor,'  he  replied,  'I  had  taken  only  nine  drinks  whin  me 
capacity  is  thirteen,'  " 

"MOST  ONCONVENIENTEST  PERSISHUN." 

Clinton  Todd,  a  harmless  citizen  of  Rockcastle  county,  Kentucky, 
imagined  when  drunk,  that  he  was  a  most  courageous  man;  and, 
hence,  gave  himself  the  name,  "Danger  Todd." 

He  came  to  Lancaster  to  sell  a  carload  of  shingles  and  got  glor- 
iously drunk,  but  in  some  way  eluded  the  marshal.  Seeing  Major 
R.  M.  Bradley  a  short  time  thereafter  in  Mt.  Vernon,  he  related  to 
him  how  he  had  bullied  the  marshal,  who  did  not  dare  to  arrest  him ; 
and  threatened  that  he  was  coming  back  to  Lancaster  shortly  to  show 
"em  all  that  Danger  Todd  was  not  afraid."  The  Major  advised  him 
he  had  best  remain  at  home.  Plowever,  about  two  weeks  thereafter, 
the  jailer  of  Garrard  county  called  at  the  Major's  law  office  and 
informed  him  that  there  was  a  man  in  jail  who  claimed' to  be  a  friend 
of  his,  and  who  desired  that  he  should  come  and  see  him  immediately. 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  I43 

Of  course,  the  Major  went,  and  as  to  what  occurred,  we  will  give  his 
version  on  his  return. 

"When  I  reached  the  jail,  the  door  of  the  dungeon  was  thrown 
open,  and  far  back  I  could  see  the  man's  eyes  like  those  of  a  mink  in  a 
hole.  He  came  at  once  to  the  grating,  when  I  recognized  'Danger 
Todd.'  I  at  once  reminded  him  of  my  advice,  telling  him  I  was  nof 
at  all  astonished. 

"  'Well,'  said  he,  'Major,  I  don't  want  yer  ter  think  that  I  am  not 
dead  game.  The  Marshal  cum  up  ter  me  and  said  he  had  a  warrant 
fer  my  arrest.  I  concluded  I  would  run  through  Burdett's  law  office, 
retch  the  back  alley,  and  make  me  escape.  When  I  got  through  the 
office,  I  seed  a  little  back  yard  with  er  iron  fence,  with  sharp  pailin's. 
I  made  up  me  mind  ter  lip  the  fence  and  done  it ;  but  as  I  went  over, 
the  seat  of  me  breeches  caught  on  one  of  ther  palins,'  and  thar  T  wus, 
er  hanging  down  with  me  hed  clos'  ter  me  feet,  an'  I  hed  ter  give  in 
fur  et  sho'  wus  ther  most  onconvenientest  persishun  I  ever  were  in, 
ter  fite." 

PORK  INSPECTOR  AT  JERUSALEM. 

Many  years  ago  there  was  a  Kentucky  Congressman  whose  chief 
conception  of  duty  was  obtaining  places  for  his  constituents.  One 
day  a  wag  told  him  that  there  was  a  good  office  vacant  and  he  ought 
to  go  to  the  Secretary  of  the  Treasury  and  obtain  it  for  one  of  his 
constituents,  as  it  paid  four  thousand  dollars  a  year.  Having  obtained 
the  particulars,  he  at  once  hurried  away  to  consult  with  the  Secretary 
of  the  Treasury.  Imagine  the  astonishment,  as  well  as  amusement, 
of  that  high  dignitary,  when  the  Congressman  told  him  he  understood 
that  there  was  a  vacancy  in  the  office  oi  Pork  Inspector  at  the  City 
of  Jerusalem,  and  desired  to  recommend  one  of  his  constituents  for 
the  position. 

"SEZ  JOHN  TO  CANTER." 

About  twenty-five  years  ago  there  lived  in  Garrard  county,  a 
queer  fellow  by  the  name  of  John  Canter,  the  same  individual  who 
has  been  referred  to  in  one  of  the  preceding  anecdotes  as  being  de- 
fended by  Colonel  Dunlap.  He  finally  joined  the  church  and  settled 
down.  About  a  year  after.  Senator  Bradley  met  him  in  the  road  and 
after  mutually  pleasant  greetings  were  exchanged,  Bradley  congratu- 
lated him  on  his  changed  life ;  but  Canter  told  him  he  had  just  "broken 
over"  that  morning.    He  then  proceeded  to  relate  his  experience. 

"I  met  a  feller  this  mornin',  and  he  a'  knoin'  I  had  got  religion,  and 
a-thinkin'  I  had  furgot  how  to  fite,  told  me  I  was  a  'darn  rascal.' 
Sez  John  ter  Canter,  sez  he,  'Canter,  that's  mity  hard  ter  bar;'  but 


144  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

sez  he,  'don't  furgit,  John,  you  are  a  Christian.'  So,  I  stood  still  and 
said  nothin',  though  I  bit  my  lips  nearly  in  two.  Sein'  as  how  I  tuck 
it,  he  sez,  'John  Canter,  you  are  a  dinged  coward.'  Well,  that  ar  wuz 
the  fust  time  mortal  man  ever  sed  that  to  me,  so  sez  John  ter  Canter, 
sez  he,  'Canter,  I  wouldn't  take  it.'  Then  sez  Canter  ter  John,  sez  he, 
'John,  I  don't  believe  I  can  stand  it,  religion  or  no  religion.'  So,  I  jest 
cast  my  religion  aside  fur  the  time  bein,'  an'  lit  rite  on  that  feller  an' 
beet  him  to  a  jelly.  Bill,  don't  you  think  I  dun  rite?" 
Bradley  told  him  that  he  did,  and  rode  on. 

NO  USE  FOR  THE  PHILIPPINES. 

A  certain  statesman,  sojourning  in  Washington,  who  was  an 
imposing  looking  man  of  but  little  knowledge,  was,  during  the 
War  with  Spain,  asked  what  he  thought  of  the  Philippines. 

"Well,  sir,"  he  responded,  "I  have  never  had  any  use  for  them 
on  account  of  the  way  they  treated  Samson." 

UNDISPUTED  FACTS. 

A  lawyer  by  the  name  of  Carter,  who  was  a  Government  teamster 
during  the  Civil  War,  settled  in  Mt.  Vernon,  Ky.  He  was  a  good 
natured,  kind-hearted  man,  of  but  scant  education  and  very  little,  if 
any,  knowledge  of  law.  Brown  was  being  tried  for  the  murder  of  an 
excellent  citizen  by  the  name  of  Billy  Fox.  In  addressing  the  jury, 
Carter,  who  was  for  the  prosecution,  said,  among  other  things : 

"Thar  air  some  things,  gentlemen  of  the  jury,  that  air  admitted 
in  this  case.  The  first  is  that  Billy  Fox  air  dead;  the  next  is  that 
Brown  killed  him,  and  the  last  and  most  important  pint  is,  that  at  the 
time  he  war  killed  he  was  a  retreatin'  backwards  and  fell  with  his 
hed  yans  way." 

GENERAL  LANDRUM. 

W.  J.  Landrum  was  one  of  the  first  citizens  of  Lancaster.  He 
was  Clerk  of  the  county  court,  later  a  Colonel  in  the  Union  Army, 
brevetted  Brigadier  General,  an  accomplished  musician,  excellent 
lawyer,  and  a  ready  story  teller. 

HAVE  YOU  GOT  AIRY  DOLLAR. 

He  rel'ated  that,  during  the  War,  one  warm  Sunday  afternoon  he 
was  resting  under  the  shade  of  a  tree  near  the  road,  in  fatigue  uni- 
form without  straps,  when  a  Union  cavalryman  rode  along,  and,  mis- 
taking him  for  a  private  soldier,  inquired : 


Stories  of  Willia}if  O.  Bradley.  145 

"Pardner,  have  you  got  airy  dollar." 

Landrum  replied  that  he  had ;  whereupon,  the  soldier  commenced 
dismounting-  from  his  horse,  saying: 

"Well,  I'll  git  rite  down  and  play  a  game  with  you  for  who  shall 
have  it." 

THE  DOUBLE  BARREL  OF  CIDER. 

Another  of  his  amusing  experiences  was  that  concerning  the  sol- 
dier who  got  permission  to  sell  a  barrel  of  sweet  cider  to  his  comrades. 
The  barrel  was  placed  in  a  tent,  and  the  owner  was  standing  at  the 
faucet  selling  it  for  ten  cents  a  glass.  A  soldier  seeing  another  pay 
this  amount,  called  him  to  one  side  and  informed  him  that  just  around 
on  the  outside  of  the  tent,  he  could  buy  it  for  five  cents  a  glass.  On 
examination  this  was  found  to  be  true.  Further  examination,  however, 
developed  the  fact  that  the  soldier  just  outside  of  the  tent  had  bored 
a  hole  in  the  same  barrel  and  was  dispensing  it  to  his  friends  at  five 
cents  a  glass. 

WALTON  AND  THE  WASP. 

Along  in  the  eighties  there  lived  in  Lancaster,  Kentucky,  a  young 
man — Sam  Walton,  who  was  a  promising  young  lawyer,  given  to 
writing  poetry.  Walton  disliked  Senator  Bradley,  and  in  a  jury  speech 
undertook  to  make  fun  of  him.    In  following  him  Bradley  remarked : 

"The  young  man  has  spoiled  a  poet  in  an  attempt  to  become  a 
lawyer.  At  a  recent  Sunday  School  convention  he  commenced  the 
recitation  of  a  pathetic  poem,  running  this  wise : 

'Oh  bury  Bartholomew  out  in  the  woods, 
In  a  beautiful  hole  in  the  ground; 
Where  the  whangdoodles  come  in  most  serious  moods 
And  the  straddle  bugs  tumble  around.' 

"At  this  point  his  brother-in-law,  Ben  B wept  profusely  and 

pathetically  pleaded: 

"  'Stop,  Sam,  stop,  or  you  will  break  my  heart ;  that  is  the  most 
movenist  poetry  I  ever  heard.' 

"Of  course,  out  of  sympathy  for  his  relative,  Sam  stopped ;  and 
hence  the  remainder  of  his  tender  tribute  to  Bartholomew  has  never 
been  disclosed  to  an  anxiously  awaiting  public.  Gentlemen  of  the  jury, 
he  reminds  me  of  a  wasp,  which  is  bigger  the  day  it  is  born  than  at 
any  subsequent  time  of  its  life." 

PROPER  ADJUSTMENT  OF  A  FEE. 

When  Justice  John  M.  Harlan  was  practicing  law  in  Louisville, 
Kentucky,  he  was  celebrated  for  charging  large  fees,    Mr.  Goodloe,  a 


140  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

brother  lawyer,  was  attempting  to  arrange  a  compromise  of  a  suit 
instituted  by  Harlan,  and  every  detail  had  been  agreed  upon  except  the 
amount  of  Harlan's  fee. 

"Now,  Harlan,  in  fixing  your  fee,"  suggested  Goodloe,  "I  do  not 
desire  that  you  shall  not  be  well  paid.  However,  I  suggest  that  you 
make  it  compensatory  and  not  punitive." 

A  CONSISTENT  RECORD. 

Hon.  Aaron  Harding,  who  served  in  the  Lower  House  of  Con- 
gress from  Kentucky,  was  a  great  lawyer,  but  given  to  hair-splitting 
and  contention.  While  trying  a  will  case  at  Danville  before  Judge 
Fox,  he  made  many  objections,  saving  exceptions  to  the  ruling  of 
the  court  in  each  instance.  In  the  course  of  the  trial,  the  Judge  sus- 
tained one  of  his  objections,  to  which  Harding  asked  that  an  ex- 
ception should  be  noted.  Of  course,  the  Judge  was  astonished,  and 
exclaimed : 

"Why,  Mr.  Harding,  do  you  object  when  I  sustain  you?" 
"Because,"  said  Harding,  "if  there  is  any  thing  I  am  particular 
about,  it  is  to  appear  consistent  on  the  record." 

A  SUCCESSFUL  EXPERIMENT. 

About  twenty-five  years  ago,  Hon.  R.  P.  Jacobs,  a  famous  lawyer 
of  Danville,  Kentucky,  with  other  attorneys,  instituted  an  action  in 
favor  of  the  National  Bank  of  Lancaster,  against  J.  W.  Miller,  for  a 
large  sum,  about  eight  or  ten  thousand  dollars  for  rent  of  the  farm 
which  had  been  occupied  by  him  during  a  litigation.  Senator  Bradley 
and  Hon.  John  W.  Yerkes  defended  for  Miller.  The  case  was  tried 
at  Danville  where  old  Centre  College  is  situated,  and  at  that  time  Rev. 
Ormond  Beatty  was  its  president. 

The  people  of  Danville  had  always  justly  taken  pride  in  that 
famous  institution.  However,  out  in  the  "Knob  portion"  of  the 
county,  the  college  was  not  so  popular,  it  being  regarded  as  a  high- 
browed,  aristocratic  concern. 

The  witnesses  for  the  plaintiff  were  bank  presidents,  directors,  and 
wealthy  farmers ;  while  those  for  the  defendant  were  farmers  of  small 
means,  and,  in  some  instances,  farm  laborers.  It  so  happened  that  a 
number  of  the  members  of  the  jury  lived  in  the  "Knob"  section. 

The  plaintiff,  however,  had  a  great  advantage.  Knowing  this, 
Bradley  determined  to  work  the  poor  man's  racket  for  all  it  was 
worth,  and  to  make  as  much  fun  as  possible  of  Centre  College  so  as  to 
anger  Jacobs,  who  had  the  concluding  argument,  (and  who  was  feared 
by  Bradley,  not  only  on  account  of  his  ability,  but  because  of  his 


Stories  of  William  p.  Bradley.  147 

great  personal  popularity),  and  thus  throw  him  off  his  balance.  After 
alluding  to  the  wealthy  and  prominent  witnesses  who  had  testified  for 
plaintiff,  Bradley  said : 

"And  so,  gentlemen,  you  find  this  great  aggregation  of  wealth  here 
swearing  to  the  most  ridiculous  and  exorbitant  rent  ever  heard  of 
before. 

"On  the  other  hand  we  have  brought  before  you  a  number  of 
farmers  of  very  small  means  and  farm  laborers,  who  place  the  rent 
at  about  one-third  of  the  amount  fixed  by  this  rich  and  aristocratic 
band  of  brothers  who  have  combined  to  destroy  an  honest  man. 

"I  am  thankful  that  you  are  honest  men,  who  do  not  think  poverty 
a  crime,  or  riches  a  certificate  of  good  character. 

"There  is  a  controversy,  as  you  know,  as  to  the  number  of  acres 
contained  in  the  farm.  We  have  introduced  O.  T.  Wallace,  who  is  a 
practical  surveyor  of  twenty-five  years'  continuous  experience.  He 
tells  you  that  there  are  forty  acres  less  in  the  tract  than  claimed  by 
the  plaintiff.  On  the  other  side  the  Rev.  Randolph,  professor  of 
mathematics  in  Centre  College,  testifies  to  the  number  of  acres  claimed 
by  the  plaintiff.  Now  what  does  Preacher  Randolph  know  about 
measuring  land,  when  his  mind  is  constantly  on  heaven  and  heavenly 
things?  It  would  be  morally  and  physically  impossible  for  him  to 
fix  his  mind  on  earthly  objects.  He  knows  all  about  the  'tree  of  life,' 
but  he  knows  nothing  about  the  trees  that  grow  on  this  earth.  He 
could  not  tell  the  difference  between  a  spotted  oak  and  a  hackberry. 
But  he  is  a  professor  in  Centre  College,  and  on  this  account  Mr. 
Jacobs  would  have  you  believe  he  is  infallible;  indeed,  gentlemen,  it 
is  next  to  sacrilege  for  any  man  in  this  vicinity  to  question  the  in- 
fallibility of  Centre  College. 

"Some  years  ago  a  friend  of  mine  visited  your  beautiful  little 
city  in  July  and  stopped  at  the  Gilcher  House.  He  had  no  bars  over 
his  bed,  and  the  mosquitoes  well  nigh  devoured  him.  The  next  day  he 
complained  to  Gilcher,  and  was  astonished  when  Gilcher  denied  that 
there  were  any  mosquitoes  in  the  place.  In  vain  he  exhibited  his 
swollen  hands  and  face.  Gilcher  stuck  to  his  denial.  Angered  and 
astonished  he  hunted  up  my  friend  Yerkes,  and  asked  him  to  explain 
what  it  all  meant,  and  Yerkes  informed  him  that  the  reason  for  Gil- 
cher's  denial  was  that  President  Beatty,  up  to  that  time,  had  failed  to 
issue  a  bulletin  announcing  the  arrival  of  the  mosquitoes." 

This  argument  angered  Mr.  Jacobs,  who  bitterly  complained  that 
his  gray  hairs  had  been  insulted,  and  the  most  celebrated  college  in 
the  world  slandered  in  an  inexcusable  manner.  He  also  claimed  that 
Professor  Randolph  had  been  most  shamefully  attacked.     He  then 


148  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

proceeded  to  name  the  distinguished  men  who  had  graduated  at 
Centre  College,  and  by  the  time  he  was  through  he  had  no  time  re- 
maining to  argue  the  case.  He  contended  for  more  time,  but  the 
court  told  him  that  the  limit  had  been  fixed  and  the  time  would  not 
be  extended. 

The  case  was  submitted  to  the  jury  which  soon  returned  a  verdict 
for  about  one-fifth  the  amount  for  which  the  plaintiff  sued. 

POCAHONTAS. 

Justice  Miller  of  the  Supreme  Court  of  the  United  States  related 
an  amusing  anecdote  concerning  his  brother-in-law,  Mr.  Wainscott, 
of  Richmond,  Kentucky,  who  was  an  exceedingly  good  man,  but 
wofuUy  deficient  in  literary  knowledge.  The  wife  of  Wainscott  was  a 
sister  of  the  Justice,  and  a  remarkably  intelligent  woman. 

There  was  a  meeting  of  the  Woman's  Literary  Club  to  be  held 
one  night  at  Wainscott's  residence.  His  wife,  knowing  his  literary 
deficiency,  tried  in  every  possible  way  to  dissuade  him  from  his  de- 
clared purpose  to  be  present,  but  without  avail.  The  question  for 
discussion  was,  "what  country  of  the  world  had  most  cruelly  mistreated 
its  greatest  son." 

One  lady  read  an  article  on  the  mistreatment  of  Columbus,  and 
another  on  the  injustice  shown  Dante.  Then  the  discussion  became 
general  until,  at  length,  Wainscott  remarked : 

"Ladies,  you  may  all  say  what  you  please,  but  of  all  the  badly 
treated  men  I  have  ever  heard  of,  Pocahontas  was  the  worst." 

Of  course  this  provoked  a  roar  of  laughter,  when  the  wife  in  an 
annoyed  and  disgusted  way,  exclaimed: 

"Why  Mr.  Wainscott,  I  am  astonished  that  you  do  not  know 
Pocahontas  was  a  woman." 

Wainscott  retorted:  "How  could  you  expect  me  to  know  that 
when  you  know  I  never  read  the  Bible?" 

A  GOOD  ARITHMETICKER. 

Elder  Franks,  who  was  a  most  successful  minister,  lived  in 
Lancaster,  Kentucky.  In  one  of  his  sermons,  wherein  he  condemned 
the  practice  of  ministers  preaching  laudatory  funerals  over  any  man 
who  had  prominence  or  money,  whether  deserving  or  not,  he  related  a 
story  of  an  old  preacher  of  his  native  county  who  was  famous  for 
preaching  such  funerals,  and  of  whom  it  was  said  he  could  always 
find  some  good  to  say  of  the  dead. 

The  meanest  man  in  the  county  (of  considerable  wealth),  having 
died,  the  old  minister  was  sent  for  to  preach  his  funeral ;  and  knowing 


Stories  of  William,  O.  Bradley.  149 

his  capacity  in  that  line,  and  believing  that  nothing  good  could  be  said 
about  the  deceased,  a  large  crowd  attended  through  curiosity  alone. 

The  preacher  thus  delivered  himself: 

"My  Brethren  and  Sisters ;  The  deceased  as  you  all  know  was  a 
drunkard  and  frequently  took  the  name  of  the  Lord  in  vain ;  he  was  a 
notorious  liar  and  mischief-maker ;  he  was  a  gambler  and  usurer,  and 
robbed  the  widows  and  orphans;  but  I  can  truthfully  say  one  good 
thing  about  him,  he  was  the  best  arithmeticker  I  ever  saw." 

WITHOUT  LEGAL  KNOWLEDGE. 

At  the  conclusion  of  the  Civil  War,  Phil  Lee  (later  a  distinguished 
lawyer),  Will  Welch,  and  several  other  Confederate  officers,  who  were 
preparing  to  return  to  their  homes,  were  discussing  their  future  plans. 
In  the  midst  of  their  conversation  some  one  suggested  to  Lee : 

"Phil,  you  will  not  have  any  trouble,  for  you  will  be  able  to  prac- 
tice law." 

"No,  no,"  Lee  replied,  "I  didn't  know  but  one  law  when  the  War 
broke  out  and  that  was  repealed  while  I  was  in  the  army." 

GENERAL  CHARACTER. 

Dick  McRoberts,  of  Lancaster,  was  a  negro  of  amusing  character. 
When  the  weather  was  such  that  he  could  not  work  on  the  farm,  he 
engaged  in  trapping  coons,  polecats,  etc.,  and  selling  the  skins. 

He  was  ignorant,  but  exceedingly  shrewd.  During  a  prosecut- 
ing trial  in  the  Circuit  Court  he  was  introduced  as  a  witness  to 
attack  the  character  of  Garland  Leavell.  After  qualifying  himself, 
he  stated  that  Leavell's  general  character  for  truthfulness  was  bad,' 
and  he  would  not  believe  him  on  oath  when  he  was  interested.  He  was 
then  turned  over  to  Senator  Bradley  for  cross-examination. 

"You  say  Garland's  general  character  is  bad?"  queried  the 
Senator. 

"Dat's  what  I  sed,"  promptly  responded  Dick. 

"Now,  Dick,"  asked  the  Senator,  "what  is  general  character?" 

Dick  complained  that  this  was  not  a  "far"  question  and  stated, 
"I's  not  gwine  to  answer  it." 

The  Judge  instructed  him  that  the  question  was  a  legitimate  one, 
and  he  must  answer  it. 

"If  I  must,  I  must,"  said  Dick.  "Air.  Bradley,  will  you  please  ax 
dat  question  agin?" 

The  request  was  granted,  and  the  question  again  propounded. 
Dick  pondered  a  little,  and  finally  answered : 

"Well,  I  jist  don't  zackly  know  what  a  general  cha-rac-ter  is,  but  I 
do  know  Garl'  Leavel  haint  got  enny." 


ISO  Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

A  HESITATING  AIDE. 

Everybody  in  Kentucky  knew  Maj.  Alex  Grant.  He  was  pre- 
eminent as  a  story  teller  and  all-round  good  fellow. 

In  relating  one  of  his  war  experiences,  indicating  fear  with  his 
big  eyes — though  he  was  a  man  of  unflinching  courage,  it  all 
being  assumed — he  would  invariably  convulse  his  hearers  with 
laughter. 

He  said  that  at  the  battle  of  Stone  River,  when  he  was  acting 
aide  to  General  John  C.  Breckinridge,  he  was  ordered  by  the  General 
to  convey  an  order  to  the  extreme  left,  and,  in  doing  so,  would  have 
been  compelled  to  ride  several  hundred  yards  directly  in  line  with  the 
enemy's  fire.  He  started  promptly,  his  horse  in  a  gallop,  and  sud- 
denly he  turned  his  horse's  head,  rode  back  and  most  earnestly  re- 
quested the  General  to  send  some  unmarried  man  in  his  place.  The 
General  sternly  ordered : 

"Alex,  I  don't  want  any  of  your  foolishness.  Go  immediately  or 
I  will  have  you  court-martialed  and  shot." 

"All  right,"  replied  Alex  as  he  turned  away,  "but  if  I  ever  get 
back  home  to  Kate  and  the  children  you'll  never  catch  me  again 
trying  to  break  up  the  best  government  the  world  ever  saw." 

HE  DID  NOT  LIKE  'EM. 

A  good  old  Democrat  in  Central  Kentucky  one  day  said  to  Sena- 
tor Bradley : 

"Billy,  you  know  I  don't  like  Radicals  except  you;  but  they  are 
much  better  than  these  new-fangled  people  who  are  all  over  the 
country.  If  there  is  any  set  of  people  that  I  hate  perlitically  it  is  these 
Fannyticks,  Anniechrists,  and  Mugworms." 

REMARKABLE  LIBERALITY. 

Tom  T ,  in  making  a  speech  alluded  to  the  remarkable  kind- 
ness of  heart  and  liberality  of  his  father,  notwithstanding  the  old  man 
was  a  well  known  skin-flintT    In  answering  him,  his  opponent  said: 

"Yes,  I  know  his  old  daddy  well,  and  have  known  him  for  years. 
He  is  a  most  liberal  man — every  time  he  kills  a  shoat  he  gives  the 
bristles  to  the  poor." 

LUSK  AND  MARSHALL. 

Samuel  Lusk  was  a  severe  judge  of  the  distant  past.  Tom  Mar- 
shall was  a  practicing  lawyer  in  his  court.  Marshall  was  a  man  of 
rare  genius,  great  personal  magnetism,  a  finished  orator,  and  served 
from  Kentucky,  with  great  distinction,  in  the  Lower  House  of  Con- 


Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley.  151 

gress.  He  was  a  natural-born  wit  and,  perhaps,  never  got  the  worst 
of  it  save  in  his  encounters  with  Judge  Lusk.  It  should  be  added  that 
Marshall  was  in  the  habit  of  taking  sprees.  During  one  of  these  he 
appeared  before  Lusk  and  was  guilty  of  some  seeming  disrespect; 
whereupon  the  Judge  fined  him  five  dollars  for  contempt  of  court. 
Marshall  expressed  regret  that  he  should  have  done  anything  to 
offend  the  Judge,  which,  he  asserted,  was  foreign  to  his  purpose.  He 
added  that  he  did  not  wish  to  be  humiliated  by  being  confined  in  jail 
because  of  his  inability  to  pay  the  fine.    Said  he : 

"Judge,  I  do  not  know  of  any  friend  to  whom  I  can  more  con- 
fidently appeal  for  help  than  you.  Will  you  please  loan  me  the 
money?" 

Turning  to  the  clerk,  the  Judge  remarked : 

"Mr.  Clerk,  enter  an  order  remitting  that  fine ;  the  State  can  better 
afford  to  lose  it  than  I  can." 

SPEAKING  ON  BOTH  SIDES. 

A  rich  old  farmer  of  Woodford  county  shot,  and  severely,  but 
not  fatally,  wounded  a  sixteen  year  old  boy  whom  he  had  repeatedly 
warned  not  to  hunt  on  his  place.  The  boy  sued  him  by  next  friend, 
and  took  a  change  of  venue  to  Jessamine  county,  Marshall  being  his 
attorney. 

When  it  came  Marshall's  time  to  address  the  jury,  he  was  very 
drunk.  He  spoke  for  sometime  on  the  harassing  character  of  devilish 
boys ;  their  utter  disregard  of  the  injunctions  of  men ;  their  contempt 
for  old  age,  etc.,  etc.  Mr.  Hewitt,  who  was  associated  with  Marshall, 
tried  several  times  to  indicate  to  him  that  he  was  speaking  against  his 
client,  but  on  each  occasion  Marshall  would  thrust  him  aside.  At 
length  Hewitt  unable  to  restrain  himself  longer,  spoke  out  excitedly : 

"Great  God !  Mr.  Marshall,  you  are  speaking  against  your  client." 

For  the  first  time  the  truth  dawned  upon  Marshall,  who,  with  the 
most  perfect  self-possession,  exclaimed: 

"I  know  that,  sir,  as  well  as  you.  I  have  spoken  thus  to  the  jury 
in  order  to  show  them  what  will  be  said  on  the  other  side ;  and  now, 
gentlemen  of  the  jury,  I  will  proceed  to  answer  it." 

He  then  launched  into  a  speech  replete  with  scathing  abuse, 
brilliant  eloquence,  and  tender  pathos,  until  the  jury  were  in  tears,' 
when  he  wound  up  with  a  stirring  appeal  for  justice. 

The  jury  gave  his  client  a  handsome  verdict. 


152  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

MARSHALL,  BRECKINRIDGE  AND  CLAY. 

Tom  Marshall  and  Rev.  Robert  J.  Breckinridge  were  about  the 
same  age,  and  being  young  men  of  great  attainments  and  considerable 
prominence,  concluded  they  would  force  a  debate  with  Henry  Clay, 
who  was  considerably  advanced  in  years.  Never  before  was  there  a 
more  forcible  demonstration  of  the  truth  that  "Fools  rush  in  where 
angels  fear  to  tread."  Clay  literally  wiped  them  from  the  face  of  the 
earth. 

Years  after,  when  Breckinridge  had  become  distinguished  for  re- 
ligious controversies,  and  Marshall  had  become  a  confirmed  drunkard, 
the  two  met  and  shook  hands,  and  Marshall  exclaimed : 

"Well,  Bob,  old  Clay  drove  you  to  the  pulpit  and  me  to  the  bottle ; 
but  I  believe  that  I  have  stuck  closer  to  my  text  than  you  have." 

ANOTHER  LETTER  IN  THE  ALPHABET. 

Marshall  lived  in  Danville  for  some  years,  and  was  always  popu- 
lar with  the  Centre  College  students,  he  having  graduated  at  that  in- 
stitution. One  bitter  cold  night  several  of  the  students  were  out  on  a 
lark,  when  they  came  upon  Marshall  lying  on  the  street,  almost  frozen. 
They  immediately  picked  him  up,  conveyed  him  to  the  hotel,  and  saw 
that  he  was  given  every  care  and  attention.  They  concluded  to  sit 
down  and  wait  a  few  moments  to  be  assured  he  was  out  of  danger,  and 
then  go  to  their  different  abodes.  While  waiting  they  got  into  a 
learned  discussion  as  to  whether  or  not  another  letter  could  be  added 
to  the  alphabet.  They  finally  concluded  that  such  a  thing  was  impos- 
sible, but  seeing  that  Marshall  had  revived  and  was  manifesting  great 
interest,  one  of  them  inquired : 

"Mr.  Marshall,  can  you  add  another  letter  to  the  alphabet?" 

To  their  astonishment  he  said  he  could. 

"Well,"  they  inquired,  "what  letter  would  you  add," 

"Letter  Ip,"  (Let  her  rip),  was  his  sententious  answer. 

THE   CROSS-EYED  LANDLORD. 

Marshall  boarded  at  the  Field  House  in  Danville  for  some  time, 
and  having  failed  to  comply  with  his  promise  to  pay  board.  Field 
became  worn  out  with  him  and  ordered  him  from  the  house.  Marshall 
made  a  reply  which  enraged  Field,  who  was  a  cross-eyed  man,  beyond 
endurance,  and  he  raised  his  cane  to  strike.  Marshall,  with  perfect 
self-possession,  exclaimed : 

"Strike,  strike,  you  old  heathen.  If  you  hit  where  you  look  you 
will  miss  me  a  mile." 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  153 

PLAYED  HIS  HAND  OUT. 

Grip  Scott  was  a  prominent  citizen  of  Bryantsville,  who  was 
pretendedly,  very  strict  with  his  children.  One  day  he  caught  his  son 
Robert  playing  poker ;  whereupon,  he  gave  him  a  severe  drubbing,  and 
then  sat  down  in  his  presence  and  played  out  his  hand. 

A  BEER  EXPERT. 

Sig  Lascher,  an  excellent  old  German,  was  the  proprietor  of  a 
brewery  in  Frankfort,  Kentucky.  In  a  case  pending  a  witness  had 
testified  that  although  he  had  drunk  fourteen  glasses  of  beer  during 
the  day,  he  was  thoroughly  at  himself  at  the  time  he  witnessed  the 
transaction  concerning  which  he  testified.  Several  physicians  had 
testified  as  experts  that  the  witness,  in  their  judgment,  could  not  have 
been  free  from  intoxication,  but,  on  the  contrary,  must  have  been  in  a 
confused  state  of  mind. 

The  attorney,  desiring  to  sustain  his  witness,  called  Lascher  to 
the  stand,  who  testified  that  he  had  drunk  beer  daily  from  his  earliest 
recollection;  had  for  several  years  worked  in  a  brewery,  and  for  ten 
years  had  been  engaged  in  the  manufacture  of  beer;  that  during  all 
this  time  he  had  seen  a  large  number  of  men  drink  beer ;  and  that  he 
knew  he  could  state  with  certainty  the  amount  of  beer  necessary  to 
intoxicate. 

The  court  ruled  the  witness  competent ;  whereupon,  the  question 
was  asked : 

"Now,  Mr.  Lascher,  from  your  experience  as  detailed,  please  tell 
the  jury  whether  fourteen  glasses  of  beer  drunk  at  intervals  during  the 
day,  would  seriously,  or  otherwise,  affect  the  body  or  mind  of  the 
individual  who  drank  it?" 

"Veil,"  replied  the  witness,"  "ven  I  gets  up  mit  te  morning  I  trink 
haf  tuzzen  pottles  pefore  preakfast.  Den,  I  sits  down  at  te  taple  and 
trink  six  pottles,  and  at  tinner  I  trink  ten  pottles.  Den,  after  tinner  I 
trink  six  pottles,  and  at  supper  I  trinks  six  more  pottles,  and  it  does 
not  make  me  trunk,  or  even  affect  my  mind  a  leetle  pit.  I  tells  you, 
shentlemen,  no  man  will  git  trunk  on  peer  unless  he  makes  a  tampt 
hog  of  himself." 

A  SLIGHT  CHANGE  FOR  THE  BETTER. 

James  Dinwiddie  had  been  a  dreadful  sinner,  but  finally  de- 
termined to  change  his  course  and  join  the  church.  Brother  Cook, 
through  whose  preaching  he  was  converted,  some  eight  months  after, 
was  passing  in  the  neighborhood,  and,  meeting,  a  faithful  negro  slave 


IS4  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

of  Dinwiddle's,  inquired  after  his  master's  health,  and,  also,  his  spir- 
itual welfare.     Uncle  Ned  answered : 

"Well,  Marse  Cook,  Ole  Marse's  helth  am  fine— he's  jes  as  spry 
as  a  two  year  ole  colt  wid  a  ban  of  music  behind  him.  Afore  he  jined 
de  church,  when  he  went  out  on  Sundays  to  chop  wood,  he  alius  toted 
his  ax  on  his  shoulder,  but  now,  pleeze  de  Lord,  he  alius  totes  it  under 
his  coat." 

JAKE  BRONSTON  AND  THE  BULL. 

Thomas  Bronston,  of  Madison  county,  Kentucky,  was  a  thrifty 
farmer  and  an  old-fashioned  preacher.  He  had  the  peculiarity  of  pre- 
facing many  of  his  sentences  with  the  expression,  "That  thar  is  to  say." 

Like  some  preachers,  he  had  a  wild  son  who  now  and  then  drank 
to  excess.  This  boy  had  been  given  the  scriptural  name  of  Jacob,  but 
had  about  as  few  of  the  characteristics  of  that  patriarch  as  any  other 
living  man.  One  day  the  old  gentleman  was  going  home,  when  he  met 
his  promising  son  astride  a  bull. 

"That  thar  is  to  say,  my  son,  where  are  you  goin'?"  inquired  the 
angered  father. 

"I  am  going  to  town,"  said  Jake  as  he  passed,  reeling,  on  the  bull. 

"That  thar  is  to  say,  my  son,  you  are  a  liar;  you  are  goin'  to 
hell  just  as  fast  as  that  thar  bull  can  carry  you,"  was  the  old  man's 
parting  remark, 

MULLINS'  GRACE. 

Dr.  Mullins  was  a  fine  doctor  of  the  old  school,  and  an  exceed- 
ingly hospitable  citizen,  living  in  Garrard  county,  Kentucky.  He  was 
an  intense  Whig  and  was  much  prejudiced  against  Democrats.  There 
was  a  political  debate  at  Bryantsville,  near  his  home,  and  he  invited 
the  speakers  and  some  of  their  friends  to  take  dinner  with  him.  After 
they  were  all  seated,  the  doctor  closed  his  eyes  very  devoutly,  and 
pronounced  the  following  blessing: 

"Oh  Lord,  bless  these  table  comforts  and  make  each  of  us  thank- 
ful.  I  don't  like  Democrats  much,  no  how,  sah." 

THE  TWO  DOCTORS. 

Dr.  Alex  McKee,  of  Danville,  Kentucky,  was  an  excellent  phy- 
sician and  a  man  of  high  character.  He  was  called  by  Albert  Hern- 
don,  a  well-to-do  farmer  and  horse  doctor  near  Lancaster,  in  old 
slave  times,  to  attend  a  slave  whose  leg  was  broken.  After  the  negro 
recovered,  the  doctor  presented  his  bill  to  Herndon  for  fifty  dollars. 
Herndon  complained  that  the  bill  was  too  much.  McKee  told  him 
that  it  had  required  considerable  expense  and  much  study  to  enable 
him  to  learn  how  to  do  such  things,  and  that,  besides,  he  had  made 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  I5S 

two  trips,  about  forty  miles  in  all,  and  he  could  not  afford  to  take 
less ;  besides,  his  reputation  was  at  stake.    So  the  bill  was  paid. 

Sometime  after  this  McKee's  horse  was  slightly  crippled  and  he 
sent  him  to  Herndon  for  treatment.  In  about  a  week  the  horse,  fully 
recovered,  was  sent  home  to  McKee. 

About  two  weeks  after  this  occurred,  Herndon  presented  his  bill 
for  fifty  dollars.    McKee  denounced  the  charge,  when  Herndon  said : 

"Doctor  McKee,  it  took  me  some  time  to  learn  how  to  doctor  that 
horse,  as  well  as  cost  me  some  money.  I  made  two  trips  to  Danville ; 
one  to  to  take  him  to  my  farm,  and  another  to  return  him.  Besides,  I 
beg  you  to  remember  that  my  reputation  was  at  stake." 

McKee  thoroughly  appreciated  the  joke,  and  paid  the  bill. 

"CUSS"  THE  COURT. 

A  young  lawyer  who  lost  his  first  case  in  the  Kentucky  Court 
of  Appeals,  went  to  one  of  the  judges  (Duvall),  and  stated  his  trouble. 

"Judge,  this  is  my  first  case  in  your  court.  I  told  my  client  that 
if  I  did  not  gain  it,  I  would  never  practice  law  another  day.  Now, 
what  on  earth  am  I  to  do?" 

"Oh,"  said  the  Judge,  "my  young  friend  you  are  not  in  much 
trouble  after  all.    Go  home,  and  'cuss  the  court.'  "  _ 

JUST  ONCE. 

Madison  C.  Johnson  was  a  famous  lawyer  of  Lexington,  Ken- 
tucky. He  was  a  very  sober,  sedate,  dignified  man,  who  was  never 
known  to  lose  his  temper  or  tell  an  anecdote,  but  once. 

Major  Turner,  of  Richmond,  told  before  a  crowd  in  Johnson's 
presence  how  Major  Bradley  had  criticised  a  section  in  the  Kentucky 
Code,  (which  was  compiled  by  Johnson),  declaring  that  the  singular 
should  include  the  plural,  and  the  plural  the  singular;  and  the  mas- 
culine, feminine  and  neuter  gender,  should  each  include  the  other  two. 
He  said  that  Bradley  had  said  that  a  client  of  his  bought  a  cow,  and 
sued  for  two  cows,  and  that  a  woman  had  undertaken  to  milk  a  cow 
when,  all  of  a  sudden,  it  turned  into  a  bull  and  horned  her  to  death. 

Mr.  Johnson  was  very  sensitive,  and  the  story  by  Turner  angered 
him  even  more  than  the  criticism.  So  he  asked  the  Major  if  he  had 
heard  the  story  of  the  young  lawyer,  who,  a  short  while  before,  had 
appeared  before  an  old  Justice  of  the  Peace  in  his  county.  Turner 
answered  that  he  had  not. 

"Well,"  remarked  Johnson,  "he  arose  with  his  coat  tightly  button- 
ed about  him  and  said :  'Non  est  factum' ;  does  your  Honor  understand 
that?" 


IS6  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"I  do,"  replied  the  Justice.  In  even  a  louder  voice  the  young  man 
exclaimed : 

"  'Nadum  pactum';  does  your  honor  understand  that?" 

"I  do,"  responded  the  Justice  with  some  heat. 

The  young  man,  then  standing  on  tip-toe,  roared  out  in  a  voice 
of  thunder: 

"  *E  pluribus  unum';  does  your  honor  understand  that?" 

"Yes,"  replied  the  Justice,  "and  I  understand  you  to  be  not  only  a 
d d  fool,  but  an  ill-bred  ass." 

"And  I  now  say  the  same  to  you.  Major  Turner;"  and  Johnson 
walked  away  leaving  the  Major  somewhat  dazed. 

PUNISHMENT  AFTER  DEATH. 

Bill  Fritz  Baker,  of  Garrard  county,  Kentucky,  was  a  queer  citi- 
zen. He  was  cross-eyed,  bandy-shanked  and  knock-kneed,  a  stranger 
to  soap  and  water,  and  blissfully  ignorant  of  the  purpose  of  a  brush 
and  comb.  Coming  upon  a  snake  in  the  road,  he  chopped  off  its  head 
with  a  hoe,  and  then  commenced  laboring  it  with  the  handle.  A 
gentleman  standing  by  remarked: 

"Bill,  don't  you  know  that  snake  is  dead?" 

"Shore!"  replied  Bill. 

"Then,  what  are  you  beating  it  for?" 

"Becuz,"  said  Bill,  "I  want  ter  show  him  that  thar's  sich  a  thing 
as  punishment  arter  deth." 

STORIES  BY  ED.  MORROW. 

The  following  are  a  couple  of  stories  from  the  "reportoire"  of 
Edwin  P.  Morrow. 

CHARGE  TO  A  GRAND  JURY. 

A  Circuit  Judge  in  Eastern  Kentucky  delivered  the  following 
charge  to  his  grand  jury : 

"Gentlemen  of  the  Grand  Jury :  I  have  heretofore  instructed  you 
concernin'  the  totin'  of  pistols,  the  sellin'  of  liquor,  disturbin'  religious 
worship  and  all  the  other  crimes  that  infest  this  neighborhood.  But 
now  gentlemen,  I  want  to  call  your  attention  specifically  to  the  most 
heinous  offense  that  has  been  committed  within  the  knowledge  of 
this  court. 

"Gentlemen :  The  good  deacons  of  the  Piney  Grove  Meetin'  House, 
in  the  righteousness  of  their  hearts,  went  down  to  the  banks  of  the 
Cumberland  River  and  thar,  with  great  care,  selected  two  of  the  most 
promisin'  saplins  growin'  thereon  and  brung  them  back  and  planted 


Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley.  157 

them  in  the  yard  of  the  meetin'  house,  expectin'  them  to  grow  and 
flourish  and  spread  a  grateful  shade,  and,  gentlemen,  them  trees  was  a 
growin'  fine  to  behold ;  gentlemen,  witness  the  pervarsity  of  mankind ; 
long  comes  two  or  three  of  them  Buck  Boys  with  their  hats  set  on  the 
back  of  thar  heads,  with  red  bandana  handkerchiefs  round  thar 
throats,  and  cattrige  belts  around  thar  middles.  They  rode  into  the 
meetin'  house  yard  and  hitched  their  nags  to  them  foresaid  saplings, 
and  while  the  congregation  war  interested  at  thar  worship  them  nags 
chawd  all  the  bark  ofen'  them  saplins  and  totally  destroyed  'em. 

"I  say  to  you,  gentlemen  of  the  jury,  that  a  man  that  would  do 
the  like  of  that,  would  hitch  a  jackass  to  the  Tree  of  Life ;  indict  them, 
gentlemen,  indict  them." 

PLEA  OF  SILAS  SULLIVAN  TO  U.  S.  DISTRICT  ATTORNEY. 

"Mr.  Destrict  Attorney:  I  war  a  republican  storekeeper  at  the 
Big  Spring  distillery  in  Russell  county. 

"The  Presidential  election  war  at  hand  and  the  Democrats  a 
workin'  tooth  and  toenails.  I  rit  to  the  Republican  campaign  charman 
askin'  him  to  send  me  money  and  liquor  with  which  to  fight,  but  I  got 
nothin',  and  thar  cum  in  the  Bertrams  and  thar  folks  a-scourin'  the 
whole  neighborhood  for  the  Democrat  party,  and  I  sez  to  mysef,  sez  I, 
this  air  liquor  were  made  under  a  Republican  administration  and  I 
am  a  Republican  storekeeper-gauger,  and  the  welfare  of  this  air 
country  is  at  stake,  and  I  went  into  that  air  warehouse  and  tuck  there- 
from ten  gallons  of  Kaintucky  liquor  and  used  it  for  the  eternal  good 
of  the  grand  old  party. 

"Indite  me,  if  you  will,  but  I  would  ruther  that  my  heart  should 
feel  the  chill  of  chains,  than  to  see  the  American  Eagle  whupt  by  a 
Shanghai  rooster." 

LITTLE  CHANGE. 

An  aged  member  of  the  Methodist  church,  during  a  "love  feast," 
related  the  following  experience : 

"My  brethren,  years  ago  I  was  a  very  wicked  boy,  who  indulged 
in  every  perversity  and  sin.  One  day  about  forty  years  ago,  I  looked 
down  into  my  heart  and  discovered  that  I  was  as  mean  as  hell  and 
as  ugly  as  the  devil,  and — " 

At  this  juncture  an  old  brother  observed: 

"Well,  brother  John,  considering  the  great  length  of  time  that 
has  passed,  I  think  you  have  changed  less  than  any  man  I  ever  knew." 


158  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

HE  MIGHT  HAVE  BEEN  GUILTY. 

At  a  time  when  all  that  was  necessary  to  convict  a  negro  was  to 
charge  him  with  crime,  such  a  conviction  was  had  in  Garrard  county, 
Kentucky.  General  Dan  Collier,  who  was  a  brave,  intelligent  man, 
who  despised  injustice,  arraigned  one  of  the  jury  severely  for  the 
verdict,  saying  there  was  not  only  no  evidence  sufficient  to  establish 
the  man's  guilt  beyond  a  reasonable  doubt,  but  there  was  really  no 
evidence  against  him  at  all. 

"That  may  be  true,  General,"  replied  the  juror,  "but  you  know 
jest  as  well  as  me,  that  nigger  might  have  been  guilty," 

UNDERSTOOD  HIS  DUTY. 

Hon,  Charles  Simrall,  of  Covington,  Kentucky,  was  for  many 
years  the  chief  attorney  of  a  railroad  in  Kentucky.  While  engaged 
in  trying  a  suit  for  damages  against  the  company,  he  introduced,  and 
had  sworn,  an  Irish  section  boss  of  the  road,  as  a  witness.  Having 
proven  his  name,  place  of  business,  and  the  position  he  held  under  the 
company,  he  inquired : 

"What  are  your  duties?"  (of  course,  referring  to  the  duties  of 
the  place  he  held) ;  when,  to  his  consternation,  and  the  great  amuse- 
ment of  the  audience,  Pat  responded : 

"Misther  Seemrall,  I  tho't  ye  knew  that  'tis  me  duty  to  swear  to 
the  best  advantage  of  the  company." 

ADVANCING  BACKWARD. 

Miles  Schooler  was  a  very  dignified  and  pretentious  old  negro 
who  regularly  swept  and  dusted  the  Baptist  church  in  Lancaster, 
Kentucky.  He  possessed  a  wonderful  vocabulary,  as  appears  in  this 
story.  He  was  called  as  a  witness  and  was  requested  to  state  all  he 
knew  about  the  difficulty : 

"Well,  gentle-men,  I  saw  a  consternation  and  believed  a  catas- 
tro-phy  wuz  about  to  happen.  I  rushed  up  whar  the  crowd  was  dis- 
sembled, and  when  I  retched  thar,  Mister  Bill  Baker  was  advancing 
forrids  in  a  menacin'  manner  and  karving  attitude  on  Mister  Tait; 
Mister  Tait  advanced  backwards  with  Mister  Baker  followin'  him ;  and 
finally  Baker  cotch  up  and  stob'd  him.  I  then  attired,  and  seed  no 
moah  of  the  dif-fi-kilty." 

A  FARMER'S  ADVICE  TO  HIS  SONS. 

Governor  John  B.  Thompson,  of  Harrodsburg,  Kentucky,  was 
engaged  in  a  case  where  a  number  of  doctors  had  sworn  against  his 
client,  and  was  undertaking  to  ridicule  their    testimony.     He    said 


Stories  of  William  0.  Bradley.  159 

that  an  old  gentleman  of  his  county,  many  years  before,  while  lying  on 
his  death  bed,  called  his  four  sons,  who  were  quite  young,  around  him, 
and  gave  this  advice : — 

"William,  you  are  a  bright,  smart  fellow,  and  you  must  prepare 
yourself  to  practice  law. 

"Charles,  you  are  shrewd  and  quick,  and  you  should  qualify 
yourself  as  a  trader. 

"Thomas,  you  are  sober,  serious,  and  industrious;  by  all  means 
you  should  be  a  farmer. 

"John,  you  are  a  hopeless  fool,  and  I  suppose  you  are  not  fit  for 
anything  but  a  doctor." 

A  CHOLERA  DOCTOR. 

In  1843,  the  cholera  raged  in  the  little  town  of  Lancaster,  Ken- 
tucky, and  among  the  doctors  who  remained  at  their  posts  was  Dr. 
Sternberg,  an  old  German,  who  knew  absolutely  nothing  about  the 
practice. 

He  was  called  one  day  to  attend  a  stone-mason,  and  being  de- 
tained did  not  reach  the  house  for  some  time,  when  he  found  the  man 
much  relieved  and  able  to  sit  up.  He  inquired  of  the  wife  what 
remedy  she  had  given  him,  and  was  informed  that  she  gave  him  a 
plate  of  beans  and  a  piece  of  bacon. 

He  immediately  drew  his  memorandum  book  from  his  pocket  and 
made  this  entry: 

"Remedy  for  cholera :     Plate  of  beans  and  a  piece  of  bacon." 

Shortly  afterward  he  was  called  to  the  bedside  of  a  cobbler.  He 
immediately  prescribed,  "A  plate  of  beans  and  a  piece  of  bacon," 
which  the  wife  happened  to  have  at  hand,  and  immediately  forced 
down  her  husband's  throat.  In  less  than  twenty  minutes  the  cobbler 
died ;  whereupon,  Sternberg  jerked  out  his  memorandum  book  and 
made  this  entry  immediately  below  that  made  a  short  while  before : 

"The  above  is  a  good  remedy  for  stone  masons,  but  a  darned  poor 
remedy  for  cobblers." 

A  GENEROUS  INVITATION. 

Illustrative  of  the  generous  hospitality  of  the  Kentucky  moun- 
taineer, Col.  John  W.  McCullough,  of  Owensboro,  Kentucky,  relates : 

"I  was  traveling  through  the  Kentucky  mountains,  and  lost  my 
way.  The  sun  had  gone  down  and  darkness  was  rapidly  approaching 
as  I  rode  up  to  an  humble  cabin  and  stated  my  unfortunate  plight,  and 
asked  if  I  could  remain  over  night. 


i6o  Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"  Xight,  stranger,  and  come  in  if  you  can  put  up  with  out  fare/ 
was  the  ready  response. 

"When  supper  time  arrived  I  was  invited  to  partake,  and  was  as- 
tonished to  observe  that  the  only  food  on  the  table  was  a  plate  of 
potatoes.    My  host  passed  the  plate  with  the  request : 

"  'Stranger,  take  a  tater,'  which  I  readily  did. 

"In  a  short  time  he  invited  me  to  'take  another  tater.'  At  length, 
seeing  that  I  had  eaten  the  second  potato,  he  pushed  the  plate  over  to 
me  and  said: 

"  'Stranger,  take  d d  nigh  all  the  taters.'  " 

RETORT  COURTEOUS. 

Ex-Senator  Paynter  and  Senator  Bradley  were  the  best  of  friends, 
and  the  following  incident  transpired  between  them  on  the  floor  of  the 
Senate.  Senator  Owen,  in  addressing  the  Senate,  referred  to  the  fact 
that  the  Kentucky  Legislature  had  endorsed  the  bill  he  favored. 
Senator  Bradley  remarked  that  the  Kentucky  Legislature  was  not  at 
all  times  sane.  Senator  Paynter  asked  Senator  Bradley  "if  in  making 
that  remark  he  referred  to  the  Legislature  that  met  about  two  years 
before."  (The  time  when  Bradley  was  elected  to  the  Senate.)  Sen- 
ator Bradley  answered : 

"I  did  not,  but  I  did  have  especial  reference  to  the  Legislature 
that  elected  my  colleague."  (Senator  Paynter.) 

HEARTY  APPROVAL. 

Before  Chief  justice  Peters  of  the  Kentucky  Court  of  Appeals 
was  elevated  to  the  bench,  a  client  from  a  distant  section  spent  the 
night  with  him.  When  the  hour  of  retiring  arrived  the  Judge,  who 
was  a  strict  member  of  the  Christian  Church,  seated  himself  by  a 
small  table  and,  taking  up  the  bible,  said : 

"My  friend,  v.'e  always  have  family  worship  before  going  to  bed." 

The  client  replied: 

"D d  good  idea,  d d  good  idea.  Judge." 

PECULIAR  FORTIFICATIONS. 

During  the  Civil  War,  Col.  Hoskins,  in  command  of  a  brigade, 
was  fortifying  the  Columbia  road  which  entered  Somerset,  Kentucky, 
in  order  to  resist  the  approach  of  General  Zollicoffer's  Confederate 
forces.     However,  this  was  not  the  only  road  entering  the  town. 

Being  very  proud  of  his  work  he  invited  Hon.  Joshua  F.  Bell  to 
go  out  and  view  the  fortifications,  which  Mr.  Bell  readily  did.  After 
viewing  the  works,  Mr.  Bell  remarked : 


Stories  of  William  O.  Bradley.  i6i 

"They  are  certainly  splendid  fortifications,  but,  Colonel,  have  you 
any  agreement  with  Zollicoffer  that  he  will  enter  the  town  by  this 
road?" 

UNDER  COMPULSION. 

Dr.  W.  F.  Scott,  of  Somerset,  Kentucky,  at  the  breaking  out  of 
the  Civil  War,  was  an  intense  Union  man  and  engaged  actively  in 
procuring  young  men  to  join  the  army.  Among  others  he  advised  M. 
Claunch  to  volunteer.  Claunch  asked  him  why  he  (Scott)  did  not 
take  that  step.    Scott  responded : 

"Because  I  am  a  doctor,  and  am  compelled  to  remain  here  in  order 
to  look  after  the  health  of  the  people." 

"Well,"  said  Claunch,  who  was  an  undertaker,  "I,  too,  am  com- 
pelled to  remain  for  the  purpose  of  burying  your  patients." 


Speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley 


SPEECH  SECONDING  THE  NOMINATION  OF  GEN.  GRANT 

FOR  THE  PRESIDENCY  IN  THE  REPUBLICAN 

NATIONAL  CONVENTION  OF  1880, 

AT  CHICAGO. 

Note — This  convention  is  so  historic  that  no  especial  reference 
to  it  is  here  needed.  William  O.  Bradley  was  one  of  the  "immortal 
306"  delegates  in  the  convention  who  stood  in  solid  voting  plalanx 
for  the  third-time  nomination  of  General  Grant  until  the  nomination 
of  Garfield  resulted.  Grant  was  placed  in  nomination  in  a  great 
speech  by  the  superb  Conkling,  leader  of  the  Grant  forces,  and  this 
great  seconding  speech  was  delivered  by  Bradley. 

Mr.  Chairman,  and  Gentlemen  of  the  Convention :  I  have  never 
before  w^itnessed  such  a  scene  of  enthusiasm  as  this,  and  never  expect 
to  again  until  after  the  election  of  Gen.  Grant  in  November. (Cheers.) 
We,  too,  heard  the  portentous  storm  of  which  the  gentleman  from 
Maine  spoke.  We  beheld  the  bright  lightning  and  heard  the  rolling 
thunder  in  its  stately  march.  We  saw  the  old  Ship  of  State — strained 
in  every  timber — tossed  upon  the  foaming  waves  of  an  angry  sea. 
Again  we  beheld  her  as  she  safely  entered  port,  but  the  pilot  who  sat 
at  her  wheel  was  the  grand  old  hero,  magnificent  in  the  majesty  of 
his  silence.     (Cheers  and  laughter). 

I  desire  to  second  the  nomination  of  that  man  who,  through 
the  goodness  of  God,  during  the  darkest  hours  of  our  nation- 
ality, became  the  leader  of  the  noblest  army  who'se  banners 
ever  darkened  the  sky.  (Applause.)  Swept  on  by  the  waters 
of  the  lordly  Mississippi  from  victory  to  victory,  he,  at  length,  wound 
his  grand  army  like  a  serpent  around  the  embattled  hosts  of  treason 
and  crushed  them  within  its  ample  folds.  (Cheers.)  He  gave  voice 
and  strength  to  the  proclamation  which  struck  the  shackles  from  four 
millions  of  fellow-creatures.  (Cheers.)  The  merciless  slave  driver 
tremblingly  read  it  by  the  flash  of  his  victorious  cannon.  (Cheers.) 
He  pinned  it  on  the  breast  of  murderous  treason  with  a  million  loyal 
bayonets.  (Loud  and  prolonged  applause.)  And  when  the  Con- 
federate chieftain  surrendered  his  sword  he  accepted  it  with  one  hand, 
while,  with  the  other,  he  gave  substantial  aid  to  his  brave  and  fallen 
foe.  (Applause.)  There  never  was  a  success,  however  complete, 
that  witnessed  his  persecution  of  a  powerless  enemy ;  there  never  was  a 
misfortune,  however  dire,  that  visited  his  country  or  his  friend,  that 
witnessed  his  betrayal  of  either.     (Immense  applause  and  cries  of 


l64  Speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

"never")  Called  by  a  grateful  people  twice  to  the  office  of  President 
to  perfect  that  which  was  baptized  with  the  fires  of  battle  and  sealed 
with  the  covenant  of  blood,  he,  at  all  times,  proved  honest,  efficient, 
capable,  and  brave.  (Applause.)  By  his  wise  statesmanship  our 
relations  with  other  countries  were  extended  and  strengthened,  pro- 
tection was  offered  the  humblest  man  beneath  the  flag,  and  arbitration 
palsied  the  hand  of  war.  And  when  the  hour  of  financial  distress 
came  upon  us,  and  some  of  our  most  trusted  leaders  were  lost  in  its 
tangled  meshes,  in  a  laconic  message  of  half  a  dozen  lines  he  dispersed 
the  angry  horde  that  was  clamoring  at  the  door  of  the  Treasury,  and 
made  specie  resumption  a  possibility.  (Applause.)  Descending  from 
this  high  estate,  he  girdled  the  earth  with  renown  as  he  traveled  in 
the  pathway  of  the  sun.  (Applause.)  Wherever  he  journeyed  kings 
lifted  their  crowns  in  recognition  of  his  merit,  and  nations  hastened  to 
do  him  honor.  (Cheers.)  But  amid  all  this  pageant,  this  hero 
worship,  this  grandest  experience  the  world  has  ever  known,  he  ever 
remained  the  plain  and  unassuming  American  citizen.  We  heard  his 
voice  as  it  came  over  the  white-caps  of  the  sea :  "It  is  not  on  my  account 
these  honors  are  done  me,  but  by  reason  of  the  great  country  I  repre- 
sent."  (Loud  cheers.) 

In  this  momentous  hour,  when  we  reflect  upon  our  recent 
history;  when  we  remember  that  only  a  few  months  since  the 
dominant  party  in  Congress  undertook  to  starve  the  Nation 
to  death  and  throttle  the  Executive;  when  we  recollect  that  only  a 
short  while  after  that  Democracy  attempted  to  defeat  the  will  of  Maine 
at  the  ballot  box ;  when  we  recall  the  recent  threats  of  those  exalted  in 
power  to  inaugurate  "their"  President,  whether  elected  or  not,  we  turn 
instinctively  to  Grant.  (Loud  cheers.)  We  demand  a  man  whose 
very  name  will  carry  terror  to  the  hearts  of  our  country's  foes. 
(Cheers.)  We  demand  a  man,  at  the  sound  of  whose  bugle  call,  a 
million  soldiers  will  spring  into  being  to  inaugurate  him,  if  legally 
elected.  (Tremendous  applause).  We  demand  a  man,  who,  rising 
to  the  necessities  of  the  hour,  may  say,  "Let  us  have  peace,"  and  whose 
voice  will  be  heard  and  heeded  all  over  our  beautiful  land.  (Cheers.) 
We  demand  a  man  whose  name  is  the  synonym  of  power — not  kingly 
power,  but  the  power  which  represents  a  preserved  nationality  on  the 
one  hand  and  a  defeated  treason  on  the  other.  (Cries  of  "good"  and 
cheers.) 

I  come  not  here  to  sound  the  praises  of  a  trained  politician; 
of  a  trumpeter,  who,  inciting  others  to  battle,  slily  creeps  away  and 
hides  himself  during  the  conflict,  and,  when  it  is  over,  crawls  forth  and 
claims  the  victory  which  others  have  honorably  won.     (Applause  and 


speeches  of  William  0.  Bradley.  165 

laughter.)  He  sits  enthroned  in  the  hearts  of  fifty  millions  of  people, 
wearing  no  imperial  crown,  but  a  wreath  of  modest  laurel,  in  which 
glitter  such  names  as  Donelson,  Vicksburg,  Shiloh,  and  Appomattox. 
(Loud  applause.)  The  slanders  of  lying  tongues,  the  malice  of 
envious  hearts,  have  not  been  able  to  tear  a  single  leaf  from  that 
crown.  (Applause.)  They  may,  for  a  moment,  have  darkened  the 
luster  of  his  name,  but,  vanishing  before  the  light  of  truth  as  clouds 
before  the  sun,  have  left  it  only  brighter  by  the  contrast.  His  fame 
is  as  broad  as  the  universe,  as  deep  as  the  ocean  which,  with  pride,  so 
recently  bore  him  on  her  bosom,  and  will  live  as  long  as  the  heavens 
bend  above  us,  or  the  stars  are  reflected  in  the  sea.  (Immense  ap- 
plause.) 

Kentucky,— holding  within  her  bosom  the  ashes  of  the  "Great 
Commoner,"  and  in  her  heart  the  memory  of  her  best  and 
greatest  native  son,  the  adopted  child  of  Illinois  and  our  martyred 
President,— instructs  me,  in  the  name  of  these  and  her  hundred  thou- 
sand brave  soldiers  who  marched  under  his  command,  to  second  the 
nomination  of  U.  S.  Grant.   (Loud  and  continuous  applause.) 


SPEECH  DEDICATING  THE  KENTUCKY  BUILDING  AT  THE 
WORLD'S  FAIR  AT  CHICAGO,  JUNE  ist,  1893. 

Into  this  splendid  presence  we  come  to  dedicate  the  "Old  Kentucky 
Home."  Surrounded,  as  it  is,  by  the  buildings  of  the  other  States,  it  is 
appropriate  that,  while  honoring  Kentucky,  we  should  honor  the 
Nation,  as  well. 

Today,  the  history  of  our  country  passes  before  us  in  grand 
panoramic  review.  The  humble  colonies  which,  but  little  more  than 
one  hundred  years  ago,  gave  utterance  to  that  immortal  declaration 
that  went  ringing  'round  the  world,  have  been  transformed,  as  by  the 
magician's  wand,  into  the  richest  country  on  the  globe,  the  workshop 
and  granary  of  the  world.  The  principles  then  enunciated  expanded 
as  the  years  rolled  on,  until  the  last  vestige  of  slavery  that  obscured 
the  flag  was  torn  away,  and  its  unveiled  stars  lighted  the  world. 
Meanwhile,  we  have  been  taught  that  poverty  is  not  a  badge  of  in- 
feriority, but  that  intelligence  and  true  manhood  alone  constitute  the 
standard  of  American  citizenship.     From  every  cabin  there  is  a  path- 


i66  Speeches  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

way  that  leads  to  fame,  and  along  its  unpretentious  course,  to  the 
Chief  Magistracy,  have  passed  the  nation's  most  illustrious  sons. 

In  view  of  this  almost  boundless  wealth,  these  wonderful  possi- 
bilities, this  perfect  liberty,  let  us  renew  our  vows  at  Freedom's  shrine, 
and  form  higher  and  nobler  resolutions  for  earnest  and  patriotic  en- 
deavor. Let  us  not  forget  that  this  nation  was  created  by  the  people, 
that  it  is  founded  on  their  intelligence  and  patriotism,  and  that  its 
perpetuity  depends  on  the  ceaseless  cultivation  of  the  one,  and  the  un- 
fettered promotion  of  the  other.  Education  is  the  fountain  of 
national  prosperity,  and,  if  neglected,  the  Republic  must  sooner  or 
later  take  its  place  in  the  scepterless  empire  of  forgotten  dust.  Let 
us  strive  to  awaken  the  mind  and  conscience  of  the  masses,  to  a 
realization  of  the  truth  that  party  fealty  should  at  all  times  be  held 
subservient  to  the  public  good ;  and  that,  after  each  contest  for 
national  supremacy,  the  contending  waves  of  political  strife  should 
sink  to  rest  as  the  billows  after  the  storm. 

In  this  dedication,  Kentucky  gives  homage  to  the  undaunted 
courage,  indomitable  perseverance,  and  unerring  judgment  of  Chris- 
topher Columbus.  The  sheen  of  his  fame  extends  across  the  waters, 
culminating  here  in  a  blaze  of  glory. 

But,  while  we  congratulate  ourselves  on  the  country's  splendid 
progress  and  the  liberality  of  its  institutions,  and  while  we  honor  the 
memory  of  men,  we  should  remember,  that  for  all  we  are  and  all  we 
hope  to  be,  we  owe  the  first  and  most  sacred  debt  of  gratitude  to  the 
power  that  directed  the  caravels  of  Columbus  across  the  trackless 
deep ;  that  strengthened  the  arm  of  Washington  in  the  struggle  for  In- 
dependence; that  has  watched  over  us  with  so  much  tenderness  dur- 
ing all  these  eventful  years ;  and  the  State  and  Nation  should,  on 
bended  knees,  with  reverential  voice,  give  thanks  to  Him  "who  layeth 
the  beams  of  his  chamber  in  the  waters,  and  rideth  on  the  wings  of  the 
wind." 

This  day,  with  her  sister  States,  Kentucky  joins  in  Freedom's 
swelling  chorus  as  it  sweeps  from  sea  to  sea.  With  them  she  extends, 
in  hospitality,  a  hand  that  never  struck  defenseless  foe  and  never 
knew  dishonor.  God,  bless  Kentucky !  We  would  not  part  with  one 
atom  of  her  soil  or  one  line  of  her  history.  Would  that  I  might 
weave  a  fitting  garland  for  her  brow!  Would  that  I  possessed  the 
brush  and  genius  of  Raphael,  that  I  might  paint  her  as  she  is ! 
Would  that,  with  the  chisel  of  Phidias,  I  might  create  anew  the  forms 
and  features  of  her  glorious  sons !  Would  that,  with  the  descriptive 
power  and  vivid  imagery  of  Byron,  I  might  portray  the  lives  and 
actions  of  her  heroes  and  statesmen !     Would  that  I  were  gifted  with 


speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley.  167 

the  sublime  and  soaring  melody  of  Milton,  that  I  might  charm  the 
world  with  the  song  of  her  glory !  But,  even  then,  I  should  be  unable 
to  reproduce  the  verdure  of  her  fields,  the  grandeur  of  her  mountains, 
the  brightness  of  her  skies,  the  heroism  of  her  people,  the  wisdom  of 
her  statesmen,  and  the  beauty  of  her  women — God,  bless  them ! — "the 
fairest  that  e'er  the  sun  shone  on." 

As  convincing  proof  of  the  truth  of  this  claim  of  Kentucky's 
superiority,  we  point  with  pride  to  the  chief  lady  officer  of  this  Expo- 
sition, Mrs.  Potter  Palmer.  It  is  difficult  to  conjecture  what  would 
have  become  of  this  great  state  of  Illinois  had  not  Kentucky  given  her, 
Lincoln,  Stevenson,  Cullom,  Carter  Harrison,  Oglesby,  and  Mrs. 
Palmer. 

One  hundred  and  one  years  ago,  this  day,  Kentucky  was  admitted 
into  the  Union.  She  was  among  the  first  to  enter,  and  will  be  the  last 
to  leave  it.  Her  history  has  been  eventful.  The  trials,  endurance, 
and  heroism  of  pioneer  life  were  never  more  fully  exemplified  else- 
where. Harrod,  Boone,  Kenton,  Clark,  McAfee,  Whitley,  and  Logan 
are  names  blended  with  hers  as  the  warp  is  blended  with  the  woof. 
They  hewed  their  way  through  forests  primeval,  and  drove  the  savage 
beyond  her  borders.  After  them  came  the  pioneer  statesmen,  Mar- 
shall, Bullitt,  Nicholas,  Brown,  Breckinridge,  and  Clay.  The  sons  of 
these  knight-errants  of  civilization  inherited  the  endurance,  bravery, 
and  ability  of  their  sires.  No  wonder  then,  it  is,  that  the  name  of 
Kentucky  is  famous  throughout  the  world. 

Her  statesmen  have  taken  a  leading  part  in  every  great  contest 
since  she  became  a  State.  In  every  battle  fought  for  the  honor  and 
safety  of  the  Republic,  she  has  taken  an  important  and  enviable  part. 
The  blood  of  her  sons  has  enriched  every  field,  and  their  deeds  illum- 
ine every  page  of  the  Nation's  history.  In  the  beautiful  cemetery, 
that  from  the  frowning  cliff  overlooks  the  Kentucky's  placid  waters, 
sleep  many  of  her  bravest  sons.  The  monument  to  gallant  Richard 
Johnson  tells  the  glory  of  the  Thames,  while  within  its  shadow  lie  the 
remains  of  McKee,  Clay,  and  others,  borne  by  loving  hands  from 
bloody  Buena  Vista.  Above  them  the  State  has  reared  a  monument, 
to  whose  base,  the  rising  generation  may  go  for  patriotic  inspiration, 
and  read  the  simple  story  of  the  brave  and  true,  whose  death  and 
lives,  as  well,  added  luster  to  the  name  of  their  dearly  beloved  Com- 
monwealth. In  life,  they  loved  their  State ;  in  death,  she  has  not  for- 
gotten them. 

Nor  would  we  draw  the  veil  over  the  Civil  War  that  swept  with 
cyclonic  fury  across  the  State ;  for,  the  anguish  and  desolation  that  fol- 
lowed in  its  path  are  more  than  compensated  for  by  its  splendid  achieve- 


i68  Speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

ments.  From  Kentucky  came  the  two  chief  actors  in  that  memorable 
struggle — Lincoln  and  Davis.  The  one,  imbued  with  the  zealous  faith 
of  Peter  the  Hermit,  wielded  the  ax  of  Richard;  the  other,  endowed 
with  the  chivalry  of  Bayard,  wielded  the  scimiltar  of  Saladin.  On 
either  side  Kentuckians  went  forth  to  battle,  and  wherever  they  fought 
or  fell,  won  fresh  laurels  for  their  mother's  crown.  It  is  not  proper  at 
this  time  that  we  should  enter  into  a  discussion  of  the  cause  or  merit 
of  that  great  conflict.  Its  glories  belong  to  us ;  its  animosities  to  obliv- 
ion. Nature,  with  vines  and  flowers,  has  obliterated  every  mark  that 
defaced  the  landscape ;  the  roar  of  cannon  has  been  succeeded  by  the 
sad,  sweet  notes  of  the  dove ;  while  time  has  healed  every  wound,  and 
with  fingers,  kindly  deft,  erased  malicious  hate  from  every  heart. 
With  equal  warmth  the  same  bright  sun  shines  over  all ;  the  same  pure 
stars  their  ceaseless  vigils  keep  above  the  silent  chambers  of  her  sol- 
dier dead;  while  Kentucky,  with  impartial  tenderness,  holds  their 
ashes  in  her  bosom,  their  memories  in  her  heart.  From  their  mingled 
dust  has  bloomed  the  flower  of  Hope.  Forever  perish  the  impious 
hand  that  would  pluck  it  from  the  stem ! 

In  coming  years,  after  the  survivors  of  the  blue  and  gray  have 
crossed  the  shadowy  line,  their  backs  to  time,  their  faces  to  eternity, 
should  foes  without,  or  enemies  within,  assault  this  fair  fabric  of  con- 
stitutional liberty,  the  Hobsons  and  Morgans,  the  Harlans  and  Black- 
burns,  the  Frys  and  Lewises,  the  Landrams  and  Helms,  the  Colliers 
and  Dukes,  the  Rousseaus  and  Prestons,  the  Clays  and  Johnsons,  the 
Boyles  and  Hansons,  the  Kellys  and  Marshalls,  the  Nelsons  and  Breck- 
inridges,  will  be  found  marching  side  by  side  under  the  dear  old  flag, 
protecting  its  shining  folds  from  every  stain,  and  planting  it  in  tri- 
umph wherever  honor  points,  or  duty  calls. 

To  mention  the  names  of  all  Kentucky's  sons  who  have  won  re- 
nown, would  require  more  than  the  time  allotted  now.  In  the  realm 
of  statesmanship,  we  point  to  Beck,  Speed,  Breckinridge,  Letcher, 
Crittenden,  Clay,  and  Lincoln.  In  surgery,  to  Jackson,  Dudley, 
and  McDowell.  In  journalism,  to  Penn,  Harney,  and  Prentice.  In 
theology,  to  Bascom,  Waller,  Johnson,  Reece,  and  Breckinridge.  In 
invention,  to  Kelley,  Rumsey,  and  Barlow.  In  jurisprudence,  to  Owsley, 
Nicholas,  Boyle,  and  Robertson.  In  oratory,  to  Marshall,  Barry, 
Daviess,  and  Menefee.    In  advocacy,  to  Rowan,  Hardin,  and  Wickliffe. 

Proud  as  she  is  of  these  departed  sons,  Kentucky  may  be  congrat- 
ulated upon  the  fact  that  she  has  within  her  borders  living  sons,  whose 
ability,  learning,  and  distinction  in  all  the  avenues  of  life,  are  not 
surpassed  by  those  who  left  her  the  legacy  of  their  renown. 


speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley.  169 

From  Translyvania,  Georg-etown,  and  Centre  College,  have  grad- 
uated many  able  and  brilliant  men,  who,  as  Congressmen,  Governors, 
Senators,  Judges,  and  Vice  Presidents  have  reflected  a  halo  around  the 
names  of  Rice,  Campbell,  and  Young. 

It  v^as  the  hand  of  a  Kentuckian  that  wrote  the  immortal  pro- 
clamation which  struck  the  chains  from  four  million  human  beings. 
In  common  with  Illinois,  we  revere  his  memory.  Kentucky  gave  him 
birth,  Illinois  a  home,  the  Republic  its  most  exalted  station.  In  return 
he  gave  freedom  to  a  race,  peace  to  the  nation,  his  life  to  liberty,  and 
to  posterity  a  name,  the  most  illustrious  in  all  the  tides  of  time. 

While  contemplating  Kentucky's  achievements,  we  are  not  unmind- 
ful of  her  faults.  We  know  that  she  does  not,  in  wealth  and  progress, 
occupy  the  position  to  which  she  is  entitled;  but  she  is  awakening 
from  her  lethargy ;  she  has  entered,  with  spirit  and  determination,  the 
race  for  supremacy ;  and,  strong  of  arm  and  swift  of  foot,  must  be  the 
State  that  passes  her  before  the  goal  is  won.  There  is  no  State  in  the 
Union  that  possesses  so  many  natural  advantages.  She  has  forests 
that  have  scarce  felt  the  stroke  of  the  woodman's  axe;  water  power 
sufficient  to  propel  the  machinery  of  the  world ;  inexhaustible  deposits 
of  coal ;  the  swiftest  horses ;  the  most  valuable  cattle ;  a  fruitful  soil 
that  is  never  ungrateful  to  the  husbandman ;  and  a  people  whose  rug- 
ged honesty,  open-handed  hospitality,  lofty  chivalry,  and  native 
intelligence  are  unsurpassed  in  any  clime.  Today,  she  invites,  not  the 
pauper  and  the  anarchist,  but  all  the  worthy  people  of  the  world  who 
may  desire  new  homes,  to  come  and  sit  down  under  her  roof  tree ;  to 
seek  the  hidden  wealth  of  her  mountains,  or  to  revel  in  the  beauties  of 
her  pastoral  repose  where  the  bluegrass  spreads  its  verdure,  the  tassle 
of  the  corn  bends  gracefully  in  the  breeze,  and  the  golden  grain  in  rich 
profusion  falls  at  the  reaper's  feet. 

All  honor  to  Kentucky  and  Kentuckians !  May  her  future  be 
even  more  glorious  than  her  past.  May  her  name  grow  brighter  with 
each  coming  sunrise,  and  her  fame  broader  with  each  setting  sun. 
May  her  matchless  daughters  continue  to  occupy  the  same  high  place 
of  womanhood,  their  beauty  surpassed  alone  by  their  Christian  vir- 
tues. May  her  sons,  with  sword  and  pen,  write  more  enduring  and 
illustrious  names  on  the  pillars  of  the  Nation's  temple  than  those 
who  have  gone  before,  and  may  her  children  never  forget  God  or  be- 
tray their  country.  And  may  all  her  sister  States  move  grandly  for- 
ward, overcoming  every  obstacle,  accomplishing  every  desire,  until 
the  Nation  shall  become  the  perfection  of  human  liberty  and  wisdom, 
the  Anointed  of  God ! 


170  Speeches  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

"Lord  of  the  universe !  shield  us  and  guide  us, 

Trusting  Thee  always,  through  shadow  and  sun ! 
Thou  hast  united  us,  who  shall  divide  us? 

Keep  us,  oh,  keep  us,  the  Many  in  One! 
Up  with  our  banner  bright, 

Sprinkled  with  starry  light; 
Spread  its  fair  emblems  from  mountain  to  shore ; 

While  through  the  sounding  sky, 
Loud  rings  the  nation's  cry, — 

Union  and  liberty! — one  evermore!" 


EXTRACT    FROM    WILLIAM    O.    BRADLEY'S    SPEECH    IN 
REPLY  TO  THAT  OF  GEN.  P.  WAT  PIARDIN,  IN  JOINT 
DEBATE    AT    THE    OLD    AUDITORIUM    IN    LOUIS- 
VILLE, KY.,  ON  THE  EVENING  OF  AUGUST  19, 
1895,     WHEN     THEY     WERE     OPPOSING 
CANDIDATES    FOR    GOVERNOR. 

Note — General  Hardin,  in  his  opening  speech,  had  made  some 
reference  to  "Carpetbagger"  and  "Carpetbaggers"  in  speaking  of 
Bradley  and  the  Republican  party,  and  Bradley,  in  his  reply,  made 
this  response  thereto : 

It  is  not  my  purpose  here,  tonight,  to  undertake  to  recount  to 
you  the  history  of  the  Republican  party.  I  am  here  to  discuss  the 
living  issues,  and  not  those  that  are  dead.  The  history  of  the  Republi- 
can party,  and  the  achievements  of  the  Republican  party,  have  been 
written  by  the  pen  of  its  statesmen  and  carved  by  the  sword  of  its 
soldiers,  and  shall  live  when  the  memory  of  the  present  is  dead. 
Neither  am  I  here  to  speak  of  the  War — as  my  friend  (General 
Hardin),  spoke  of  it.  Thank  God!  the  War  has  been  over  for  many, 
many  long  years ;  and  I  am  one  of  those  who  believe  that  its  animosi- 
ties belong  to  oblivion,  and  that  its  glories  are  the  heritage  of  all. 

My  friend,  tonight,  in  undertaking  to  tell  you  the  terrible  things 
which  would  come  upon  Kentucky  in  the  event  that  the  Republicans 
should  succeed,  referred  to  the  "carpetbag  ring"  in  the  South  after  the 
War.  I  would  have  my  friend  understand — and  I  have  for  him  the 
highest  personal  regard;  but,  as  much  as  I  love  him,  I  want  him  to 
understand — that  I  am  as  much  a  Kentuckian  as  he  is,  and  I  am 
entitled  to  as  much  at  the  hands  of  the  people  of  the  State  as  he.    I  am 


speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley.  171 

no  "carpetbagger."  I  am  not  asking  that  I  be  permitted  to  fatten  on 
the  misfortunes  of  my  State;  but  I  am  asking  that  you  turn  out  of 
power  the  party  that  has  fattened  on  her  misfortunes.  "Carpet- 
baggers !"  Did  I  hear  you  say,  "carpet-baggers?"  My  father  and  my 
grandfather  before  me,  were  Kentuckians.  My  people,  on  both  sides, 
and  my  mother  and  my  father,  were  Kentuckians ;  and  I  thank  God 
for  it!  In  this  grand  old  State  repose  the  dust  of  my  ancestors,  and 
the  dust  of  my  loved  ones ;  and  I  love  old  Kentucky,  God  bless  her ! 

The  past  is  behind  us,  the  future  before  us.  Let  us  march 
forward  to  the  future  with  steady  step,  and  true.  Let  us  look  for  the 
good  of  our  common  country.  Let  us  remember  that  we  are  brothers, 
all ;  and,  however,  much  we  may  condemn  the  political  party  opposed 
to  us,  we  are  one  people,  of  one  flesh,  one  bone,  and  one  destiny ;  and 
that  destiny,  the  noblest,  I  trust,  that  God  has  ever  vouchsafed  to 


TRIBUTE,  AS  GOVERNOR,    TO    KENTUCKY,    DELIVERED 

AT  THE  TIME  OF  THE  CHRISTENING  OF  THE  U.  S. 

BATTLESHIP  "KENTUCKY,"  AT   NEWPORT 

NEWS,  VA.,  MARCH  24,  1898. 

Note — Contrary  to  the  usual  custom  of  breaking  against  the 
vessel,  in  the  ceremony  of  christening  and  launching,  a  flask  of 
champagne  or  other  spirituous  liquor,  in  the  christening  of  the 
Battleship  "Kentucky,"  performed  by  Miss  Christine  Bradley, 
daughter  of  Governor  Bradley,  a  flask  containing  water  from  a 
spring  on  the  farm  in  Hardin  County,  Kentucky,  where  Abraham 
Lincoln  was  bom,  was  used. 

Which  Kentucky? 

It  is  the  Kentucky  whose  people,  with  one  acclaim,  return  thanks 
to  the  distinguished  Secretary  of  the  Navy  for  the  splendid  compli- 
ment paid  them  today,  and  to  the  builders  of  the  ship  for  their  kind 
and  generous  courtesy  and  hospitality. 

It  is  the  Kentucky  whose  name  is  written  indelibly  upon  every 
chapter  of  the  nation's  history  since  her  admission  into  the  sister- 
hood of  States. 

It  is  the  Kentucky  whose  brave,  bold  pioneers  rescued  the  wild- 
erness from  the  savage  and  made  it  blossom  as  a  rose. 

It  is  the  Kentucky,  the  eloquence  of  whose  Clay,  Crittenden, 
Marshall,  and  Breckinridge  shook  the  halls  of  Congress  and  stirred 
the  hearts  of  the  people  on  the  hustings. 


172  speeches  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

It  is  the  Kentucky  of  waving  grass,  and  crystal  streams ;  of 
blended  mountain-top  and  sky,  and  chivalrous  men  and  beautiful 
women. 

It  is  the  Kentucky  whose  gallant  sons  have  won  fame  upon 
the  ocean,  and  christened  heathen  lands  with  their  precious  blood. 

It  is  the  Kentucky  whose  great  heart  beats  with  sympathy  for 
every  land,  whose  children  hope  and  pray  for  recognition  of  the  inde- 
pendence of  suffering  and  starving  Cuba,  such  as  will  send  a  thrill 
of  joy  to  the  hearts  of  struggling  patriots  and  shake  the  palace  of 
Madrid. 

Of  this  Kentucky  I  cannot  fittingly  speak  in  the  short  time 
allotted.  But  it  is  the  other  Kentucky  that  calls  for  speech  and  poetry 
and  song;  the  "Kentucky"  which  today  gave  its  first  kiss  to  the  sea. 
There  is  no  better  ship ;  there  could  be  no  better  name. 

When  fully  manned  and  equipped,  she  starts  on  her  mission,  we 
shall  exclaim,  "God,  bless  Kentucky  on  the  land ;  God,  speed  and  pro- 
tect Kentucky  on  the  sea!" 

No  ship  has  ever  been  christened  as  it  has  been.  Not  accord- 
ing to  the  custom  of  pirate  Viking,  clad  with  the  skins  of  wild  beasts — 
but  with  sparkling  water  from  the  spring  which  quenched  the  infant 
thirst  of  him  who  saved  our  country  from  destruction.  And  when 
the  great  ship  majestically  moves  to  the  glorious  destiny  which  is  in 
store  for  it,  it  will  be  sanctified  by  the  prayers  of  more  Christian 
women  than  for  all  the  others  that  have  moved  on  the  bosom  of  the 
deep. 

Whether  under  calm  and  cloudless  skies,  or  struggling  with 
tempest  and  wave,  whether  in  peace  or  war,  there  shall  hover  over  it, 
not  the  spirit  of  alcohol,  which  has  destroyed  so  many  lives,  desola- 
ted so  many  homes,  and  caused  the  shedding  of  so  much  blood  and  so 
many  tears,  but  the  spirit  of  Kentucky's  noblest  son,  the  grandest 
man  in  all  the  tides  of  time,  symbolized  by  God's  gift  to  man — that 
which  causes  the  earth  to  yield  its  fruits  and  harvests,  which  cleanses 
and  purifies,  which  quenches  the  thirst  of  the  living  and  relieves  the 
parched  lips  of  the  wounded  and  dying. 

Purity  and  patriotism  have  today  been  blended  in  the  christening 
of  this  ship,  which,  I  predict,  shall  win  more  fame,  gather  more 
laurels,  and  accomplish  more  good,  than  any  that  has  ever  swept  the 
sea. 

And,  in  parting  with  this  noble  vessel,  Kentuckians  with  one 
voice,  exclaim: 


Speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley.  173 

'In  spite  of  rock  and  tempest's  roar, 

In  spite  of  false  lights  on  the  shore, 
Sail  on,  nor  fear  to  breast  the  sea; 

Our  hearts,  our  hopes,  our  prayers  and  tears, 
Are  all  with  thee,  are  all  with  thee !" 


ADDRESS,  AS  GOVERNOR,  AT  CHICKAMAUGA  PARK,  AC- 
CEPTING AND  DEDICATING  THE  KENTUCKY  MONU- 
MENT—A   NOBLE    SHAFT,    APPROPRIATELY 
INSCRIBED— MAY  3,  1898. 

NOTE : — The  State  of  Kentucky  erected  a  monument  on  the  site  of  the  Chicka- 
mauga  battlefield  to  commemorate  the  brave  deeds  of  Kentucky  soldiers  on 
both  sides  of  the  conflict  in  the  Civil  War.  This  erection— the  first  of  its 
kind — was  made  agreeably  to  recommendation  of  Gov.  Bradley  to  the  Ken- 
tucky Legislature,  and,  on  May  3,  1898,  formal  ceremonies  were  held  at 
Chickamauga,  and  the  shaft  accepted  from  the  Commission  appointed  to 
erect  it,  and  turned  over  and  presented  to  the  Chickamauga  Park  Commis- 
sion, Gov.  Bradley  making  the  following  beautiful  and  patriotic  speech  of 
acceptance  and  presentation: 

The  State  of  Kentucky  thanks  you,  and  each  member  of  the 
Commission,  for  the  promptness,  economy,  efficiency,  and  ability  with 
which  you  and  they  have  discharged  every  duty  connected  with  this 
good  work. 

Standing  within  the  shadow  of  Missionary  Ridge,  whose 
crest  and  sides  but  little  more  than  a  third  of  a  century  ago  were 
lighted  with  glistening  bayonets  and  the  fires  which  flashed  from 
musketry  and  cannon  of  Lookout  Mountain,  where  contending  armies 
mingled  the  colors  of  their  uniforms  with  those  of  the  clouds  that  hung 
about  them;  surrounded  by  hills  and  valleys,  across  which  swept 
armed  legions  to  victory  or  defeat ;  within  sight  of  the  spots  hallowed 
by  the  blood  of  Croxton  and  Helm,  a  rush  of  glorious  memories 
comes  over  us,  causing  each  heart  to  throb  more  rapidly,  and  each 
bosom  to  expand  with  patriotic  emotion.  Here  and  there  are  beauti- 
ful monuments,  erected  by  the  various  States  in  honor  of  their  gallant 
sons;  and,  today,  Kentucky  comes,  with  gentle  and  loving  hand,  to 
unveil  a  tribute  to  her  noble  race,  placing  upon  the  graves  of  the  dead 
a  wreath  of  immortelles,  and  crowning  alike  with  laurels  the  brows  of 
all  who  survived  that  terrible  conflict. 


174  Speeches  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

Every  land  has  its  traditions,  poetry,  and  song.  In  each  is  some 
monument  which,  with  mute  eloquence,  proclaims,  "Stop,  traveler, 
thou  treadest  on  a  hero."  History,  indeed,  is  but  the  epitome  of 
patriotism,  and  the  whole  earth  its  monument. 

But  to  be  enabled,  as  are  our  people,  to  point  to  numerous  battle- 
fields, where  opposing  armies  of  embittered  enemies  met  in  the  shock  of 
battle  which  startled  the  world,  and,  in  a  third  of  a  century  thereafter, 
to  behold  the  remnants  of  those  armies  and  their  descendants  congre- 
gating upon  this  historic  spot  in  one  common  brotherhood,  under  one 
flag,  each  striving  to  do  it  most  honor,  is  without  a  parallel  in  the 
annals  of  time,  and  its  like  will  never  be  seen  again.  This  is  the  grand- 
est of  all  monuments.  A  monument  composed  of  love  of  country  and 
complete  reconciliation,  whose  base  is  as  broad  as  our  national  do- 
main, and  from  whose  summit  angels  of  love  and  peace  soar  heaven- 
ward with  each  rising  sun. 

Many  monuments  have  been  erected  upon  battlefields  of  this  Re- 
public, but  it  has  remained  for  Kentucky  to  be  the  first  of  all  the  States, 
with  tender  and  motherly  devotion,  to  erect  a  blended  monument  to 
all  her  sons ;  a  monument  that  carries  with  it,  and  upon  it,  complete 
reconciliation  of  all  contending  passions. 

This  shaft  is  dedicated,  not  alone  to  those  who  died  on  this  and 
surrounding  fields,  but,  also,  to  the  gallant  survivors,  who,  when  the 
frowning  clouds  of  war  were  dispelled  by  the  bright  sunshine  of  peace, 
returned  to  their  homes  to  repair  broken  fortunes,  and  are  today  num- 
bered among  the  best  and  most  distinguished  citizens  of  the  Common- 
wealth. 

Kentucky  has  evinced  no  partiality  in  this  evidence  of  loving 
remembrance.  It  carries  with  it  no  heartburning,  no  jealousy,  no 
invidious  distinction.  It  is  not  an  emblem  of  honor  to  the  victor  and 
reproach  to  the  vanquished — but  an  equal  tribute  to  the  worth  of  all. 
In  the  future,  the  descendants  of  chivalrous  Confederates  may  proudly 
gaze  upon  it,  realizing  that  the  State  has  honored  their  ancestors,  and 
that,  although  their  cause  was  lost,  their  heroism  is  revered,  and  their 
memories  perpetuated.  And  the  sons  of  the  brave  men  who  fought  on 
the  other  side  may  look  upon  it  with  equal  pride,  feeling  that  it  fitly 
commemorates  the  gallant  deeds  of  their  illustrious  ancestors,  who 
preserved  the  nation  from  destruction.  May  it  endure  forever,  stand- 
ing guard  over  victor  and  vanquished,  with  the  statue  that  surmounts 
it,  in  one  hand  holding  the  torch  of  liberty  shedding  abroad  its  benign 
rays ;  in  the  other  grasping  the  sword,  emblematical  of  the  strength  of 
one  people,  ready  and  anxious  at  all  times  to  uphold  the  integrity  of 


speeches  of  William  0.  Bradley.  .   175 

our  country,  and  to  drive,  wounded  and  bleeding  from  its  shores,  any- 
insolent  foe  that  shall  ever  dare  invade  them. 

The  heroism  of  Buckner,  Breckinridge,  Helm,  Preston  and  Lewis 
is  the  inheritance  of  every  man  who  wore  the  blue;  the  gallantry  of 
Rousseau,  Crittenden,  Whittaker,  Croxton  and  Price,  the  inheritance 
of  every  man  who  wore  the  gray.  They  were  all  Americans,  each, 
from  his  standpoint,  contending  for  v/hat  he  believed  to  be  right,  and 
now  that  we  are  one  people  in  mind  and  heart,  their  common  glory  is 
our  common  heritage. 

The  conflict  of  1861  was  inevitable.  For  years  preceding  that 
period  we  had  two  civilizations.  One,  founded  on  the  "justice  of  slav- 
ery," and  the  sovereignty  of  each  State,  espoused  by  a  brave  and 
impetuous  people;  the  other,  founded  on  the  declaration  that  all  men 
were  created  equal,  and  the  sovereignty  of  the  nation,  espoused  by  a 
conservative  and  brave  people.  For  years  antagonisms  and  bit- 
terness increased  between  the  sections  until  the  dispute,  by  force  of 
circumstances,  was  submitted  to  the  arbitrament  of  the  sword. 

The  struggle  was  inaugurated  by  the  South,  not  so  much  to  dis- 
solve the  Union — though  that  was  its  natural  sequence — as  to  preserve 
property  rights  and  to  vindicate  the  doctrine  of  State  sovereignty.  It 
was  met  with  the  purpose  of  preserving  the  Union,  establishing  the 
supreme  power  of  the  nation,  even  though  slavery  should  die ;  and, 
later,  for  the  direct  purpose  of  making  all  men  free. 

The  statesmen  of  that  day  compare  favorably  with  those  of  any 
period  of  the  nation's  history.  The  soldiers  were  as  superb  as  any 
who  ever  veiled  the  sun  with  their  banners,  or  shook  the  earth 
with  their  martial  tread.  Grant  and  Lee,  Johnson  and  Sherman,  Sher- 
idan and  Jackson,  Longstreet  and  Thomas,  rank  with  the  great  captains 
of  ancient  or  modern  times.  Battles  were  fought,  which  in  point  of 
fatality  and  numbers  engaged,  surpassed  all  which  preceded  or  fol- 
lowed them. 

And  now,  after  the  mists  of  prejudice  have  melted  from  our 
eyes,  and  we  are  enabled  to  see  the  bright  stars  of  truth  and  reason 
which  shine  beyond,  all  can  plainly  divine  the  sentiments  which  in- 
spired the  actors  in  that  bloody  drama. 

That  the  Union  should  have  been  preserved  and  slavery  abolished, 
all  are  ready  to  concede.  That  the  victors  won  in  honorable  figlit,  no 
one  will  dispute.  But  while  this  is  manifest,  it  is  equally  true  that  those 
who  were  fortunately  defeated  were  inspired  by  sincere  devotion  to 
principles  conscientiously  believed  to  be  just ;  that  they  fought  with 
valor,  equaled  alone  by  those  who  opposed  them,  but  never  surpassed ; 


176^  speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

and  their  heroic  suffering  and  bravery  entitle  them  to  the  admiration 
of  all  mankind. 

There  could  be  no  more  convincing  evidence  of  the  righteous  ter- 
mination of  that  great  struggle  than  the  present  grandeur  and  power 
of  the  Republic — today  the  richest  nation  on  earth,  the  workshop  and 
granary  of  the  globe. 

No  sane  man  would  revive  the  institution  of  slavery,  for  the  heroic 
blood  of  our  negro  troops  has  obliterated  every  lingering  regret  of 
the  master,  and  proclaimed,  in  unmistakable  language,  that  the  liberty 
of  1898  is  better  than  the  slavery  of  1861. 

A  famous  poem  represents  an  imaginary  midnight  review  of  Na- 
poleon's army.  The  skeleton  of  a  drummer  boy  arises  from  the  grave, 
and,  with  bony  fingers,  beats  a  long,  loud  reveille.  At  the  sound  the 
legions  of  the  dead  Emperor  come  from  their  graves,  from  every  quar- 
ter where  they  fell.  From  Paris,  from  Toulon,  from  Rivoli,  from  Lodi, 
from  Hohenlinden,  from  Wagram,  from  Austerlitz,  from  the  cloud- 
capped  summits  of  the  Alps,  from  the  shadows  of  the  pyramids,  from 
the  snows  of  Moscow,  from  Waterloo, — they  gather  in  one  vast  array, 
with  Ney,  McDonald,  Massena,  Duroc,  Kleber,  Murat,  Soult,  and  other 
Marshals  in  command.  Forming,  they  silently  pass  in  melancholy 
procession  before  the  Emperor,  and  are  dispersed  with  "France"  as  the 
password,  and  "St.  Helena"  as  the  challenge. 

Imagine  the  resurrection  of  the  two  great  armies  of  the  Civil 
War.  We  see  them  arising  from  Gettysburg,  from  the  Wilderness, 
from  Shiloh,  from  Missionary  Ridge,  from  Stone  River,  from  Chick- 
amauga — yea,  from  an  hundred  fields — and  passing,  with  their  great 
commanders,  in  review  before  our  martyred  President.  In  their  faces 
there  is  no  disappointment,  no  sorrow,  no  anguish,  but  they  beam 
with  light  and  hope  and  joy.  With  them  there  is  no  St.  Helena,  no 
exile,  and  they  are  dispersed  with  "Union"  as  the  challenge  and  "Re- 
conciliation" as  the  password. 

The  monument  dedicated  today  may,  in  the  rush  of  years,  crumble 
and  fall  into  dust,  but  around  the  summits  of  Lookout  and  Missionary 
Ridge,  like  gathered  mists,  shall  remain  forever  the  memories  of 
these  historic  fields,  and  in  every  heart  shall  be  a  monument  of  love 
and  strength  and  patriotism,  which  will  perpetuate,  through  all  com- 
ing time,  the  glories  of  that  great  conflict. 

Looking  into  the  future,  may  not  the  fond  hope  be  indulged :  That, 
in  the  end,  our  country  may,  in  all  things,  be  deliberate,  just,  and  wise? 
That  our  flag  may  wave  in  triumph,  feared  by  tyrants  in  every  land 
and  on  every  sea?  That  beneath  its  folds  shall  gather  the  oppressed 
of  every  clime ;  and  that  the  slave,  struggling  beneath  the  rod  of  op- 


speeches  of  Williatn  O.  Bradley. 


177 


pression,  shall  feel  his  chains  grow  lighter,  his  heart  to  leap  with  joy, 
and  shall  hail  its  colors  as  a  deliverance?  That  nations  which  have  been 
bitten  by  the  serpent  of  rapacity  and  conquest  shall  look  upon  its  folds 
and  be  healed,  as  were  those,  who,  with  faith,  looked  upon  the  brazen 
image  which  was  lifted  up  in  the  wilderness?  God  grant  that  ours 
shall  be  the  victory  of  enlightenment  and  liberty,  the  triumph  of  right 
over  might,  of  justice  over  injustice,  of  humanity  over  cruelty  and 
oppression,  until  empires  shall  have  passed  away  and  the  nations  of 
earth  become  one ! 

And  now,  sir  [to  Gen.  H.  V.  Boynton,  President  Chickamauga 
Park  Commission]  after  thanking  you  for  your  uniform  kindness  and 
courtesy,  I  deliver  into  your  worthy  hands,  as  President  of  the  Chick- 
amauga Park  Commission,  with  the  full  assurance  that  it  shall  be 
properly  cared  for,  this  heartfelt  tribute  of  Kentucky  to  her  valiant 
sons. 

f^r.J^?i!^f'~?J'^J^^^  monument  there  was  inscribed  the  following  noble  inscrip- 
tion vital  with  the  spirit  of  reconciliation  and  patriotism,  written  by  Governor 
herein^'  '^'^  '"         Arlington  and  Kentucky  Capitol  addresess  included 

"As  we  are  united  in  life,  and  they  united  in  death,  let 
one  monument  perpetuate  their  deeds,  and  one  people,  forgetful 
of  all  asperities,  forever  hold  in  grateful  remembrance  all  the 
glories  of  that  terrible  conflict  which  made  all  men  free  and 
preserved  every  star  on  the  Nation's  flag." 


MEMORIAL    DAY    ADDRESS    DELIVERED    AT    THE    NA- 
TIONAL CEMETERY  AT  ARLINGTON,  MAY  30,  1910. 

This  beautiful  and  impressive  service  should  not  be  character- 
ized alone  by  sadness.  It  is,  indeed,  a  sad  thought  that  we  are  sur- 
rounded by  the  graves  of  so  many  brave  men  who  died  that  our  coun- 
try might  live.    Nevertheless,  we  rejoice  that  they  did  not  die  in  vain 

Nor  IS  this  the  time  or  place  to  indulge  in  bitterness  or  hate  Such 
feelings  have  long  since  been  consigned  to  oblivion  by  all  patriotic 
Americans.  If  there  be  one  who  fought  for  the  Union  or  who  sym- 
pathized with  the  cause,  or  if  there  be  one  who  fought  or  sympathized 
with  those  who  fought  against  it,  who  has  not  forgotten  the  heart- 
burnings of  the  past,  and  who  today  cherishes  malice  or  ill-will  a-ainst 
his  brother,  he  merits  the  anathemas  of  mankind,  should  receive 
divine  pity,  and  be  born  again. 


178  Speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

The  war  having-  ended  nearly  half  a  century  ago,  for  the  instruc- 
tion of  the  rising  generation  it  is  appropriate  to  refer  to  its  causes 
without  entering  into  their  discussion,  for  they  have  been  settled 
forever  by  the  sword.  These  causes  were  a  difference  in  constitutional 
construction  and  the  contention  concerning  the  justice  of  slavery.  The 
overwhelming  majority  of  the  white  people  of  the  South  owned  slaves 
or  sympathized  with  those  who  did,  and  believed  the  institution  to  be 
just  and  right.  They  believed,  also,  that  the  States  were  the  source  of 
all  power,  could  rightfully  control  the  Nation,  and  might  resist  it  even 
to  the  extent  of  withdrawing  from  it. 

Happily,  in  my  State,  there  had  lived  a  statesman  who  differed 
from  the  large  majority  of  the  great  statesmen  of  the  South,  Henry 
Clay,  who,  many  years  before,  had  taught  the  people  of  Kentucky  that 
they  owed  their  first  duty  to  the  Nation,  and  their  next  to  the  State. 
Consequently,  when  the  supreme  m.oment  arrived,  the  State  of  Ken- 
tucky, true  to  his  teachings,  loyally  stood  by  the  Union,  contributing 
more  than  86,000  of  her  sons  to  the  Union  army. 

Let  no  man  say  that  the  people  of  the  South  were  actuated  by  a 
desire  to  destroy  this  country  purely  from  malice  or  wickedness,  for 
it  is  not  true.  We  but  do  them  simple  justice  when  we  say  that  they 
believed  in  the  teachings  of  their  statesmen,  while  those  who  opposed 
them  believed  in  the  teachings  of  theirs.  These  differences  of  opinion, 
alone,  were  the  occasion  of  the  bloodiest  war  in  all  history ;  a  war  whose 
pathway  was  marked  by  the  graves  of  dead  heroes  and  the  broken 
hearts  of  their  widows  and  little  ones.  And  yet,  that  war  was  a  su- 
preme blessing.  We  never  could  have  settled  the  controversy  except 
by  the  sword,  and  now  it  is  settled  forever,  and  no  man  but  an  enemy 
to  his  country's  peace  and  welfare  will  ever  attempt  to  unsettle  the 
fact  that  this  Nation  is  sovereign,  and  that  no  State  can  withdraw 
from  it  without  its  consent.  Nor  will  any  sane,  honest,  or  patriotic 
man  ever  attempt  to  again  place  the  blot  of  slavery  upon  the  American 
flag.  And  the  Spanish-American  war,  too,  was  a  blessing  to  our  coun- 
try, because,  when  the  swords  of  Grant  and  Lee  no  longer  flashed  over 
contending  hosts,  but  reflected  their  blended  light  beneath  the  old  flag, 
the  whole  world  knew  that  while  the  swords  of  our  countrymen  were 
legion,  "their  bosoms  were  one."  Nothing  can  be  gained  by  re- 
calling the  animosities  of  the  past.  This  is  our  home,  this  is  our  coun- 
try; and,  if  we  are  to  succeed,  we  must  live  as  brothers  and  cultivate 
peace.  I  am  not  here  to  revile  the  soldiers  who  fought  on  the  other 
side ;  but,  on  the  contrary,  I  declare  that  their  bravery  and  prowess 
entitle  them  to  the  admiration  of  mankind.  They  fought  for  what 
they  believed  to  be  right ;  we  fought  for  what  v/as  right.    It  can  not  be 


speeches  of  WilUatn  O.  Bradley.  179 

possible  today  that  any  sane  man  doubts  that  those  who,  in  their  silent 
chambers  surround  us,  battled  for  the  right. 

When  we  contemplate  this  great  country,  its  network  of  railroads, 
telegraph,  and  telephone  lines ;  its  great  cables  laid  through  the  chain- 
less  waters  of  the  mighty  deep,  across  which  flash  messages  from 
every  country  of  the  world ;  when  we  appreciate  that  the  United  States 
is  the  most  wonderful  Nation  of  the  earth,  the  workshop  of  the  world 
and  its  granary;  when  we  see  our  broad  fields  of  waving  grain,  our 
almost  endless  carpetings  of  grass  and  foliage  lifting  their  rich  offerings 
unto  God ;  when  we  behold  our  flag  waving  in  the  distant  Philippines, 
and  Hawaii,  carrying  with  it  religion,  morality,  and  education ;  when 
we  see  it  floating  from  the  ancient  battlements  of  Porto  Rico,  and,  but  a 
short  while  ago,  saw  it  waving  triumphantly  from  the  ancient  walls  of 
China ;  when  we  behold  our  splendid  navy  riding  the  waves  of  every 
sea,  and  our  country,  with  all  its  power,  at  peace  with  all  the  world ; — 
what  manner  of  man  must  we  believe  him  to  be  who  would  say  that 
the  settlement  of  that  contest  was  not  right? 

On  the  battlefield  of  Chickamauga  stands  a  monument  erected 
by  the  State  of  Kentucky.  The  Commission  conferred  the  very  great 
honor  of  selecting  from  a  message  delivered  by  me  as  Governor  the 
inscription  on  that  monument.  You  will  pardon  me  for  quoting  it,  for 
I  believe  it  epitomizes  the  feeling  of  every  liberty-loving  American 
citizen : 

"As  we  are  united  in  life,  and  they  united  in 
death,  let  one  monument  perpetuate  their  deeds,  and 
one  people,  forgetful  of  all  asperities,  forever  hold  in 
grateful  remembrance  all  the  glories  of  that  terrible 
conflict  which  made  all  men  free  and  preserved 
every  star  on  the  Nation's  flag." 

To  the  brave  soldiers  who  saved  the  Union  this  country  owes  a 
debt  of  imperishable  gratitude.  Whenever  I  hear  complaint  of  the 
pensions  which  these  men  are  drawing  my  mind  travels  back  to  the 
full  realization  of  all  the  suffering  they  endured,  and  I  can  not  refrain 
from  feeling  a  supreme  contempt  for  him  who  utters  it. 

I  have  seen  with  pain  that  many  old  soldiers  and  soldiers'  widows 
are  being  turned  out  of  the  government  service  in  order  to  economize 
expenses.  This  seems  nothing  short  of  base  ingratitude.  These  wid- 
ows gave  their  husbands  to  the  Nation ;  these  old  veterans  gave  their 
service  and  risked  their  lives  for  it;  and  now  the  Nation  that  they 
have  saved  seems  to  have  forgotten  them.  Well  might  they  exclaim, 
had  they  but  served  their  God  as  faithfully  as  they  have  served  their 
country  they  would  not  be  thus  abandoned  in  their  old  age.    Had  it 


i8o  Speeches  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

not  been  for  them  it  is  possible,  even  probable,  that  we  would  not  have 
any  governmental  departments. 

In  a  Swiss  town,  fenced  with  iron  and  protected  by  stone,  stands 
an  ancient  lime  tree.  Ask  the  humblest  citizen  what  it  signifies,  and 
he  will  proudly  answer:  "It  is  the  nation's  monument."  That  tree 
carries  us  back  more  than  four  hundred  years  to  the  day  when  the 
liberties  of  Switzerland  were  staked  on  the  bloody  field  of  Morat. 
After  the  invading  French  legions  had  been  defeated,  a  wounded  sol- 
dier ran  to  proclaim  the  glad  tidings  to  his  countrymen.  On  the  way 
he  assisted  himself  in  climbing  the  mountain  and  fording  the  stream 
with  a  staff  cut  from  a  lime  tree  that  stood  near  the  battlefield.  On 
reaching  the  town,  exhausted  and  covered  with  blood,  he  sank  to  the 
earth  and,  shouting-  the  one  word,  "Victory !" — expired.  The  stafT  was 
taken  from  his  lifeless  hand  and  planted  upon  the  spot,  where  it  soon 
grew  into  a  beautiful  tree,  through  whose  foliage  the  winds  for  four 
hundred  years  have  been  singing,  "Victory!" 

On  this  day  we  should  realize  that  every  soldier's  grave  is  the 
-Nation's  monument.  Around  them  for  nearly  half  a  century  the  pass- 
ing winds  have  been  singing,  "Victory !"  Not  a  victory  of  conquest, 
but  a  victory  marked  by  kindness  and  forgiveness,  which  saved  the  life 
of  the  grandest  and  best  nation  the  world  has  ever  known.  We  re- 
joice not  in  the  death  of  those  who  opposed  us,  but  we  do  rejoice  in 
the  death  of  their  cause.  With  one  hand  we  draw  the  mantle  of  for- 
getfulness  over  the  mistakes  and  bitterness  of  the  past,  while  with  the 
other  we  hold  aloft  the  star-gemmed  flag  of  the  Republic,  which,  we 
trust,  shall  wave  in  glory  until  the  heavens  shall  be  rolled  together  as 
a  scroll  and  the  earth  shall  melt  with  fervent  heat. 

History  records  that  Hamilcar  accompanied  his  son  Hannibal, 
when  a  youth,  into  the  temple,  and  had  him  take  an  oath  of  hate  to 
Rome.  And  the  pages  of  history  tell  the  fidelity  with  which  that  oath 
was  kept.  On  this  day  in  each  year  our  children  should  assemble 
around  these  graves  and  register  an  oath,  not  of  hate,  but  of  loyalty 
to  our  institutions ;  an  oath  to  preserve  the  Union  of  the  States  ;  an  oath 
to  protect  the  liberties  of  the  people  and  the  Constitution,  which  was 
conceived  in  so  much  wisdom  and  patriotism,  and  has  been  baptized 
and  re-baptized  in  the  blood  of  so  many  of  our  brave  sons. 

Today,  we  remember  with  pride  the  matchless  services  of  Grant, 
Sherman,  Sheridan,  and  Thomas,  and  their  great  armies  which  shook 
the  earth  with  their  martial  tread.  Many  of  these  brave  men  have 
passed,  and  many  are  passing  away.  It  is  estimated  that  more  than 
one  hundred  and  thirty  of  them  are  dying  between  each  rising  and 
setting  sun.    The  survivors  and  the  widows  of  those  who  are  dead  are 


speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley.  l8l 

the  wards  of  the  RepubHc,  and  should  be  remembered  with  an 
unsparing  hand.  While  so  many  have  died  and  are  dying,  their 
service  to  this  country  can'  never  die.  As  long  as  the  Potomac  pours 
its  waters  into  the  Bay,  as  long  as  these  firm  hills  shall  stand,  as 
long  as  these  graves  are  watered  by  the  clouds,  mantled  by  the  snows, 
and  gilded  by  the  sunshine,  just  so  long  will  the  name  and  fame  of 
these  heroes  live  and  their  sacrifices  be  unforgotten. 

Flowers  are  the  reflection  of  God's  smiles.  Whether  they  adorn 
the  brow  of  the  beautiful,  nod  their  heads  on  the  hilltops,  or  nestle  in 
the  valleys,  they  have  a  language  peculiar  to  themselves.  In  their 
services  they  are  used  to  honor  the  memories  and  emphasize  the  actions 
of  the  dead  soldiers  of  the  Grand  Army  of  the  Republic.  Hence,  they 
speak  with  myriad  tongues.  They  tell  us  of  the  white  wings  that 
shielded  the  soldiers  from  the  storm,  the  bustling  camp,  the  weary 
march,  the  ringing  notes  of  the  bugle,  the  furious  charge,  the  rattle  of 
musketry,  the  roar  of  cannon,  the  groans  of  the  wounded,  the  pangs  of 
defeat,  and  the  shouts  of  victory.  They  tell  us  of  the  sufferings  of 
widow  and  orphan,  the  calm  quiet  of  the  grave,  and  the  everlasting 
love  of  a  loyal  people.  They  tell  us  of  the  shattered  regiments  that 
came  marching  home  after  the  conflict  had  ended  and  melted  back  into 
civil  life  "as  the  billows  melt  into  the  sea."  With  tender  hands  and 
loving  hearts  we  strew  them  above  the  hallowed  dust  of  our  heroes. 
Today,  I  would  weave  a  garland  of  roses  and  forget-me-nots  for  the 
graves  of  the  Union,  and  one  of  lilies  and  myrtle  for  the  graves  of 
the  Confederate  dead.     Upon  the  latter  I  would  inscribe : 

» 
"In  loving  forgetfulness  of  the  animosities  of  the 
past    we  place    these    blossoms    above    those    who 
bravely  fought  for  a  cause  they  believed  to  be  right, 
and  for  the  Republic  as  they  thought  it  was." 

While  on  the  former  I  would  inscribe : 

"In  loving  remembrance  of  those  who   fought 
for  a  cause  that  was  right  and  for  the  Nation  that 


In  all  the  national  cemeteries  are  graves  upon  whose  tablets  are 
inscribed  the  sad  and  pathetically  significant  word,  "Unknown."  Such 
a  monument  is  erected  in  this  cemetery  over  more  than  2,000  soldiers 
buried  in  one  common  grave.  For  these  our  feelings  are  peculiarly 
tender.   They  left  happy  homes,  and  weeping  wives  and  mothers  who 


l82  speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

have  never  known  their  last  resting  place.  Even  now,  ofttimes,  in  the 
stillness  of  the  night  tears  are  shed  for  these  noble  dead,  and  many  a 
wife  or  mother  longs — 

"For  the  touch  of  a  vanished  hand, 
And  the  sound  of  a  voice  that  is  still," 

Some  years  ago,  in  a  secluded  spot  in  a  Kentucky  cemetery,  I  ob- 
served a  grave,  on  the  headstone  of  which  was  rudely  carved  the  words, 
"A  Federal  soldier."  An  aged  lady  was  kneeling  by  it,  seemingly  en- 
gaged in  silent  prayer.  When  she  arose  she  placed  a  wreath  of  flowers 
on  the  grave,  and  turned  to  depart.  Attracted  by  her  action  and  kind 
motherly  face,  I  asked : 

"Is  that  the  grave  of  your  son?" 

With  tears  coursing  down  her  withered  cheeks,  she  responded : 

"No ;  my  boy  was  a  Confederate  soldier  and  died  in  a  Northern 
prison.  I  was  unable  to  bring  his  remains  home,  and  he  sleeps  among 
strangers.  On  every  Decoration  Day  a  noble  Northern  mother,  who 
has  a  soldier  son  sleeping  somewhere  in  an  unknown  grave  in  South- 
ern soil,  places  flowers  on  the  grave  of  my  boy." 

Then,  pointing  to  the  little  mound  on  which  she  had  placed  the 
wreath,  she  said : 

"It  may  be  her  boy  is  buried  there,  and,  as  long  as  God  gives  me 
strength,  I  shall  come  every  Decoration  Day  and  place  flowers  on  that 
grave." 

Alas !  alas !  these  dead  are  unknown  here,  but  we  indulge  the  hope 
that  they  are  not  unknown  up  yonder ;  that  their  loved  ones  shall  clasp 
their  hands  on  the  other  shore; — 

"For,  oh  !  if  there  be  on  this  earthly  sphere 

A  boon,  an  offering,  heaven  holds  dear, 

'Tis  the  last  libation  liberty  draws 
,  From  the  heart  that  bleeds  and  breaks  in  her  cause." 

The  steps  of  the  old  veterans  are  feeble  and  slow,  their  locks  are 
white,  their  eyes  are  dim,  but  to  them  how  beautiful  must  be  the  pic- 
ture of  America's  present  greatness.  It  is  the  star  of  freedom  in  the 
West.  It  sheds  its  light  throughout  the  whole  world ;  it  shines  on 
every  ocean  wave,  illumines  every  mountain  crag,  spreads  over  every 
smiling  and  restful  valley,  and  is  an  inspiration  to  the  oppressed  of 
every  land.  These  veterans  preserved  this  asylum  of  the  free.  Let 
us  thank  them,  not  from  our  lips  alone,  but  from  our  hearts.  Let  us 
thank  them  not,  alone,  v/ith  words,  but  by  acts.    When  the  country 


speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley.  183 

needed  them  they  found  a  sword,  and  now  that  they  need  the  country, 
let  it  find  for  them  a  home. 

Sometimes  we  are  criticised  for  "flying  the  flag."  Such  a  criticism 
is  unjust.  Too  much  can  not  be  said  about  it,  for  it  is  loved  by  all. 
It  is  the  emblem  of  the  Nation's  history,  its  grandeur,  and  its  power. 
It  borrows  its  colors  from  the  sky.  Its  red  symbolizes  the  blood  of 
patriots,  living  and  dead,  from  the  War  of  the  Revolution  to  1910; 
from  Bunker  Hill  to  San  Juan  Hill ;  and  from  Lake  Erie  to  Santiago 
and  Manila  Bays.  Its  blue  represents  the  uniform  of  the  Nation's 
heroes ;  its  white  the  purity  of  our  institutions ;  its  stars  the  great 
States  of  our  glorious  Union,  firmly  set  in  the  firmament  of  freedom. 
It  was  the  flag  of  Washington,  Paul  Jones,  Jackson,  Perry,  Scott,  and 
Grant.  It  is  now  the  flag  of  every  citizen  of  the  Republic.  It  carries 
no  badge  of  slavery,  no  stain  of  dishonor.  On  land  or  sea,  at  home, 
in  Korea,  in  the  Philippines,  in  Porto  Rico,  in  the  Hawaiian  Islands, 
and  on  the  frowning  walls  of  China,  it  has  been  borne  in  triumph  and 
in  honor.  It  is  the  symbol  of  prosperity,  liberty,  and  peace.  It  is  lifted 
up  for  the  healing  of  the  nations  as  was  the  brazen  serpent  lifted  up  in 
the  wilderness. 

Oh,  the  flag !  the  flag !  We  gaze  upon  it  with  patriotic  emotion  akin 
to  adoration ;  we  press  it  to  our  bosoms  with  fervent  affection.  It  was 
the  flag  of  our  fathers ;  it  is  the  flag  of  their  sons ;  it  shall  be  the  flag 
of  those  who  come  after  us  until  there  shall  be  sounded  the  last  note 
of  time! 


ORATION  DELIVERED  JUNE  2,  1910,  AT  FRANKFORT,  KEN- 
TUCKY, AT  THE  DEDICATION  CEREMONIES  OF 
THE  NEW  STATE  CAPITOL. 

We  are  assembled  at  this  splendid  Capitol,  the  most  enduring 
monument  to  those  who  conceived  and  constructed  it,  near  the  historic 
stream  that  laves  the  base  of  cliffs  which,  for  ages,  like  grim  sentinels, 
have  stood  guard  over  it ;  above  whose  rugged  brow  lies  the  beautiful 
city  of  the  dead  in  which  sleep  so  many  brave  and  gifted  sons  of  Ken- 
tucky. In  the  midst  of  this  inspiring  scene,  looking  backward  through 
the  vista  of  the  past,  we  are  moved  by  many  tender  memories,  and 
inspired  with  an  ambition  and  patriotism  which  renew  the  strength  of 
the  old,  and  nerve  the  arms  and  hearts  of  the  young  who  are  soon  to 
take  the  places  of  those  who  now  direct  the  affairs  of  our  beloved 


i84  Speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

Commonwealth.  God  grant  that  in  wisdom,  learning,  and  in  all  that 
makes  men  truly  good  and  great,  they  may  surpass  those  who  have 
gone,  and  those  who  are  now  entering  the  twilight  that  soon  shall  melt 
into  everlasting  earthly  darkness,  as  much  as  this  splendid  building 
surpasses  in  grandeur  that  which  it  supersedes ! 

While  we,  with  so  much  pleasurable  pride  dedicate  this  building, 
we  turn  with  painful  and  affectionate  regret  from  the  old  Capitol 
around  which  cluster  so  many  precious  and  glorious  memories.  To- 
day, the  din  of  party  clamor  is  stilled,  and  the  wings  of  political  strife 
are  folded  and  at  rest.  Every  sword  is  sheathed,  and  beneath  the 
overhanging  sky,  peace,  sweet  peace,  like  a  gentle  benediction,  hovers 
over  all.  We  have  forgotten  all  animosity,  and  are  impressed  only 
with  the  inspiring  thought — that  we  are  Kentuckians,  proud  of  the 
State  which  we  all  love  so  devotedly,  and  which,  those  who  come  after 
us,  shall  love — 

"  'Till  the  sun  grows  cold,  and  the  stars  are  old, 
And  the  leaves  of  the  Judgment  Book  unfold." 

The  whole  history  of  the  Commonwealth  now  passes  before  us, 
not  as  an  insubstantial  dream,  but  as  a  splendid  reality  that  causes 
each  heart  to  swell  with  pride. 

We  see  Kentucky  in  the  beginning — a  gloomy  and  almost  impen- 
etrable wilderness,  whose  stillness  was  broken,  alone,  by  the  cries  of 
savages  and  wild  beasts,  the  songs  of  the  birds,  and  the  rippling  of 
many  waters.  Into  this  wild  and  dangerous  land,  boldly  and  fearlessly 
came  Boone,  Kenton,  Harrod,  Logan,  McAfee,  Whitley,  and  many 
other  sturdy  pioneers.  Their  muscles  were  strong  as  iron,  their  nerves 
elastic  as  Damascus  blades,  and  their  heads  and  hearts  imbued  with 
indomitable  courage  and  noble  resolution.  Soon  followed  the  struggle 
with  th^  savage  which  lasted  almost  continuously  for  twenty  years. 
The  sound  of  the  woodman's  ax  was  the  first  note  of  civilization. 
Gradually,  the  darkness  of  the  forest  was  broken  with  clearings  made 
by  stalwart  hands.  Inch  by  inch,  foot  by  foot,  they  pressed  onward 
and  forward  until  they  carved  from  the  wilderness  a  State  whose 
name  and  fame  compare  favorably  with  any  the  world  has  ever  known. 

The  coming  of  women  in  1775  was  the  crowning  glory  in  that 
period,  for  with  them  came  purification,  love  of  home,  and  the  eleva- 
tion of  the  men.  Nothing  is  more  wonderful  than  that  they  should 
willingly  have  turned  from  security  and  civilization  and  followed 
their  husbands,  fathers,  and  brothers  into  a  wilderness,  unexplored, 
forbidding,  and  dangerous  ;  and  nothing  could  have  impelled  them  save 


speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley.  185 

the  sublimest  courage,  combined  with  unwavering  faith  in  the  Great 
Ruler  of  the  Universe.  The  most  exaUed  place  in  all  that  trying 
period  is  held  by  the  noble,  intrepid  mothers  of  the  Commonwealth, 
who  exhibited  so  much  heroism  and  labored  so  faithfully  and  loyally 
to  cheer  the  solitude  and  strengthen  the  hands  of  their  loved  ones. 

"Not  as  the  Gjnqueror  comes, 

They,  the  true-hearted,  came; 
Not  with  the  roll  of  stirring  drums, 

And  the  trumpet  that  sings  of  fame ; 
Not  as  the  flying  come. 

In  silence  and  in  fear; 
They  shook  the  depths  of  the  forest  gloom 

With  their  hymns  of  lofty  cheer." 

To  detail  their  deeds  of  daring  and  harrowing  experiences  cannot 
be  attempted  now,  for  days  and  even  weeks  would  be  consumed  in 
their  recital.  While  they  are  recorded  in  letters  of  blood,  those  letters 
are  gilded  with  living  light. 

To  Daniel  Boone  who  said  of  himself  that  he  "had  been  ordained 
by  God  to  settle  the  wilderness,"  we  owe  our  profoundest  debt  of  grati- 
tude ;  for  his  bold  and  adventurous  spirit,  his  lofty  courage  and  splen- 
did leadership,  inspired  all  others.  Kentucky  never  did  a  more  credit- 
able act  than  when  she  brought  his  remains  and  those  of  his  devoted 
wife,  from  Missouri,  interred  them  on  yonder  cliff,  and  placed  above 
them  a  fitting  monument  in  evidence  of  her  gratitude. 

Nor  should  Kentucky  alone  be  grateful  to  Daniel  Boone.  The 
whole  nation  owes  him  a  debt  of  gratitude,  for  he  inaugurated  the 
great  march  of  civilization  over  the  mountains,  which  crossed  the  con- 
tinent and  rested  not  until  it  halted  on  the  shores  of  the  Pacific. 

Notwithstanding  George  Rogers  Clark's  illustrious  services,  his 
remains  now  rest  in  Cave  Hill  Cemetery,  unmarked  by  any  monuiiient, 
which  is  but  little  less  than  a  disgrace  to  the  State  and  Nation  for 
which  he  accomplished  so  much.  But,  while  this  is  true,  his  deeds 
are  recorded  in  history,  and  in  all  coming  time  the  name  of  George 
Rogers  Clark  shall  shine  with  resplendent  lustre. 

A  French  officer  who  met  Clark  at  Yorktown,  on  his  return  to 
France,  said  to  the  King,  "Sire,  there  are  two  Washingtons  in  Amer- 
ica." "What  do  you  mean?"  said  the  King.  "I  mean,'  he  replied, 
"that  there  is  a  Washington  whom  the  world  knows,  and  there  is 
George  Rogers  Clark,  the  conqueror  of  the  Northwest,  as  great  a  man 
as  Washington  in  his  field  of  action  for  the  opportunities  given  him." 


l86  Speeches  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

In  those  early  days  there  came  to  Kentucky  a  number  of  earnest 
Christian  ministers  bearing  the  banner  of  the  cross  into  the  wilder- 
ness.   To  them  we  are  indebted  more  than  can  be  estimated. 

As  early  as  1787,  the  Kentucky  Gazette,  the  first  newspaper  west 
of  the  Alleghenies,  was  published  at  Lexington ;  and  from  that  unpre- 
tentious beginning  has  grown  the  splendid  press  we  now  have,  which 
in  point  of  influence,  learning,  and  genius,  is  second  to  that  of  no  other 
State  of  the  Union. 

In  1787  the  Transylvania  Seminary,  the  first  college  west  of  the 
Alleghenies,  was  chartered  by  Virginia  and  endowed  with  20,000 
acres  of  land.  Its  first  session  was  held  at  the  home  of  David  Rice, 
the  first  pioneer  Presbyterian  preacher  at  Danville,  but  was,  the  fol- 
lowing year,  removed  to  Lexington,  where  it  took  the  name  of  Transyl- 
vania University ;  and  through  all  the  vicissitudes  of  peace  and  war  for 
more  than  one  hundred  and  twenty-five  years,  it  has  flourished,  sending 
from  its  classic  halls  many  of  the  distinguished  men  who  have  contrib- 
uted to  the  upbuilding  of  the  State  and  Nation. 

In  the  history  of  American  Commonwealths  there  can  be  found  no 
people  who  struggled  so  actively,  earnestly,  and  persistently  and 
against  so  many  adverse  circumstances  for  Statehood,  as  the  people 
of  Kentucky ;  and  the  people  of  no  State  have  so  frequently  demon- 
strated their  unswerving  loyalty  to  the  Union.  Many  times  they  were 
disappointed,  but  each  disappointment  added  fresh  impetus  to  their 
efforts. 

From  1784  to  1791,  through  numerous  conventions,  the  effort  was 
made  for  State  independence;  and  during  that  period  it  is  estimated 
that  fifteen  hundred  settlers  were  slain  by  their  savage  foes.  Beset 
with  savages,  unable  to  legislate  for  their  own  protection,  far  distant 
from  Virginia,  considering  the  means  of  travel  then  existing,  with 
both  Virginia  and  the  general  Government  seemingly  deaf  to  their 
entreaties,  their  condition  was  indeed  both  precarious  and  pathetic. 
Meanwhile,  they  were  denied  free  navigation  of  the  Mississippi,  which 
was  a  severe  blow. 

Thus  situated,  Spain  offered  free  navigation  of  the  Mississippi 
and  all  else  that  might  be  asked,  while  England  offered  to  obtain  such 
navigation  for  them  and  give  them  the  same  protection  she  was  then 
giving  to  Canada;  each  offer,  however,  being  made  on  condition  that 
Kentucky  should  secede  from  Virginia  and  become  an  independent 
republic. 

Though  Spanish  gold  was  sent  to  corrupt  the  people,  it  was  ac- 
cepted only  in  one  or  two  instances.  But  brave  and  loyal  young  Ken- 
tucky, apparently  deserted  as  she  was  by  her  friends,  turned  a  deaf 


speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley.  187 

ear  to  the  tempters,  and  bearing  her  burdens  with  Spartan  fortitude, 
declared  her  loyalty  to  Virginia  and  the  Union,  and  from  that  time  to 
this,  through  all  vicissitudes,  however  trying,  she  has  continued  loyal, 
and  will  so  continue  as  long  as  the  Union  shall  exist. 

At  length  her  petition  was  granted,  and  in  February,  1791,  Con- 
gress passed  an  act  to  admit  Kentucky  as  one  of  the  States  of  the 
Union,  to  take  effect  June  i,  1792.  April  3,  1792,  delegates  met  and 
framed  the  first  Constitution,  which  became  effective  on  the  ist  day  of 
June  thereafter. 

Vermont  did  not  seek  Statehood  until  long  after  Kentucky,  but, 
being  more  favorably  situated,  with  characteristic  Yankee  shrewdness, 
managed  to  first  become  a  State.  We  justly  contend  that  Statehood 
should  equitably  date  from  the  time  of  application,  and  that  in  truth 
Kentucky  was  the  first-born  of  the  Union. 

It  is  not  strange  that  from  the  sturdy  Scotch-Irish  ancestors  of 
pioneer  days,  have  sprung  the  strong,  brave,  intelligent,  and  patriotic 
people  who  now  inhabit  this  State. 

There  are  no  people  in  the  world  who  have  such  marked  indi- 
viduality, and  who  are  so  thoroughly  devoted  to  their  State.  Recently 
an  Indianian,  Ohioan,  and  Kentuckian  were  conversing  concerning 
their  birthplaces.  The  Ohioan  said  if  he  had  not  been  born  in  Ohio 
he  would  prefer  to  have  been  born  in  Indiana,  and  the  Indianian,  not 
to  be  surpassed  in  politeness,  said  that  if  he  had  not  been  born  in  In- 
diana, he  would  prefer  to  have  been  born  in  Ohio.  Then,  turning  to 
the  Kentuckian,  they  asked  him  his  second  choice  for  a  birthplace; 
whereupon,  with  characteristic  Kentucky  individuality,  he  replied,  "If 
I  had  not  been  born  in  Kentucky  I  would  be  ashamed  of  myself." 

In  1792,  the  State  Capital  was  located  at  Frankfort,  and,  despite 
many  efforts  to  remove  it  to  other  localities,  the  determined  citizens 
of  this  little  city  succeeded  in  retaining  it.  Among  them  Col.  Edmund 
H.  Taylor  did  the  most  effective  work,  and  to  him  the  Frankfort  peo- 
ple owe  their  chief  debt  of  gratitude.  The  controversy  was  finally  put 
to  rest  by  the  last  Constitution,  which  provides  that  the  Capital  should 
continue  at  Frankfort  unless  removed  by  a  vote  of  two-thirds  of  each 
House  of  the  first  General  Assembly  that  should  convene  after  its 
adoption.  At  that  session  no  removal  was  attempted,  and  now  the 
matter  is  settled  forever. 

Here  the  people  of  Kentucky  shall  assemble  in  coming  time ;  here 
they  shall  be  inspired  with  patriotism  as  they  stand  beside  the  monu- 
ments of  Boone  and  Johnson,  and  that  majestic  marble  shaft  which 
commemorates  the  deeds  of  the  heroes  of  the  Indian  wars,  the  War 


l88  Speeches  of  William  0.  Bradley. 

of  i8i2,  and  the    Mexican    war,    of    which    Kentucky's    immortal 
O'Hara  wrote  these  surpassingly  beautiful  and  enduring  lines : 

"Yon  marble  minstrel's  voiceless  stone 

In  deathless  songs  shall  tell, 
When  many  a  vanished  year  hath  flown, 

The  story  how  ye  fell ; 
Nor  wreck,  nor  change,  nor  winter's  blight 

Nor  time's  remorseless  doom, 
Shall  dim  one  ray  of  holy  light 

That  gilds  your  glorious  tomb. 


On  fame's  eternal  camping  ground 

Their  silent  tents  are  spread, 
And  Glory  guards,  with  solemn  round. 

The  bivouac  of  the  dead." 

The  rough  draft  of  this  greatest  of  all  martial  elegies  was  written 
by  O'Hara  in  the  Frankfort  Cemetery  as  he  sat  beside  the  graves  of 
his  comrades  who  fell  at  Buena  Vista.  All  of  its  verses  appear  on 
tablets  in  the  National  Cemetery  at  Arlington,  while  some  of  them 
may  be  found  in  other  cemeteries  of  America,  and  even  in  military 
cemeteries  of  the  Old  World, 

After  Kentucky  became  a  State  she  was  again  involved  in  conflict 
with  the  Indians,  and  in  1811  her  sons  with  alacrity  went  to  the  assist- 
ance of  their  comparatively  defenseless  brethren  in  the  Northwest, 
and  at  Tippecanoe,  under  Gen.  Harrison,  gallantly  and  materially 
assisted  in  defeating  and  routing  the  Indians.  Harrison  said  of  them 
in  one  of  his  general  orders :  "It  is  rarely  that  a  General  has  to  com- 
plain of  the  excessive  ardor  of  his  men,  yet  such  appears  always  to  be 
the  case  whenever  the  Kentucky  militia  are  engaged." 

During  the  Napoleonic  wars  England  and  France  blockaded 
their  ports.  The  English  upon  this  shallow  pretext  for  a  period  of 
twenty  years,  seized  and  confiscated  many  American  ships  with  their 
cargoes,  and  impressed  thousands  of  American  sailors.  Imbued  with 
hatred  for  the  British  by  reason  of  their  cruel  conduct,  which  he  wit- 
nessed in  Virginia  in  early  childhood,  intense  love  of  country  and  just 
indignation  by  reason  of  these  outrages,  our  own  Henry  Clay  in  the 
Senate  of  the  United  States,  portrayed  the  wrongs  inflicted  on  Amer- 
ica with  such  tremendous  power  and  resistless  eloquence  that  he  pre- 


speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley.  189 

cipitated  the  War  of  1812,  When  war  was  declared,  the  President 
called  for  100,000  militia — Kentucky's  quota  being  5,200  men.  Within 
a  few  weeks  7,000  Kentuckians  volunteered.  Meanwhile,  the  English, 
with  their  Indian  allies,  continued  to  murder  the  settlers  and  lay  waste 
their  homes  in  the  Northwest. 

After  many  conflicts  of  lesser  importance,  in  1813  Commodore 
Perry  won  his  famous  victory  on  Lake  Erie,  reported  in  that  memor- 
able dispatch :  "We  have  met  the  enemy  and  they  are  ours."  We  are 
justly  proud  of  the  fact  that  one-fourth  of  the  force  engaged  in  that 
battle  was  composed  of  Kentuckians. 

Shortly  after  this,  Kentucky,  led  by  Gov.  Shelby,  under  Gen.  Har- 
rison, participated  in  the  battle  of  the  Thames.  In  that  decisive  battle 
the  regiment  of  mounted  infantry,  commanded  by  Col.  Richard  M. 
Johnson,  won  imperishable  renown.  With  the  cry  of  "Remember 
Raisin,  and  Revenge !"  they  charged  into  the  ranks  of  the  British  and 
Indians,  and  with  resistless  fury  drove  them  from  the  fields  before 
the  regular  infantry  could  arrive  to  take  part  in  the  conflict. 

Kentuckians  remained  at  peace  until  the  breaking  out  of  the  Mex- 
ican war.  During  this  period  the  State  began  a  system  of  internal 
improvements.  Many  miles  of  turnpike  were  constructed,  a  railroad 
built  from  Lexington  to  Frankfort,  and  the  locking  and  damming  of 
various  rivers  commenced.  Smith  in  his  history — the  best  State  his- 
tory ever  published — estimates  the  amount  expended  for  internal  im- 
provements from  1830  to  1845,  alone,  at  seven  millions  of  dollars. 
And  in  1838,  a  law  was  passed  establishing  a  uniform  system  of  com- 
mon schools. 

For  more  than  thirty  years  after  the  battle  of  New  Orleans,  Ken- 
tucky was  not  called  upon  to  engage  in  war.  But,  in  1845,  Congress 
admitted  Texas  as  a  State  of  the  Union  against  the  protest  of  Mexico, 
which  up  to  that  time  had  declined  to  recognize  her  independence. 
Mexico  thereupon  declared  war,  and  an  army  of  invasion  was  sent  by 
the  United  States,  commanded  by  Gen.  Zachary  Taylor,  a  Ken- 
tuckian.  Soon  thereafter  Kentucky  was  called  upon  for  twenty-four 
hundred  troops,  when  ten  thousand  militia  promptly  volunteered. 
Only  three  regiments  and  one  company,  however,  were  accepted.  At 
Monterey,  Saltillo,  Cerro  Gordo,  Buena  Vista,  and  other  engagements, 
they  bravely  fought  and  fell.  The  brilliant  victory  in  the  bloody  pass 
of  Buena  Vista  was  tinged  with  gloom  by  reason  of  the  death  of 
McKee,  Clay,  Willis,  Vaughan — Kentucky's  gifted  and  distinguished 
sons, — and  the  shouts  of  the  victors  were  mingled  with  the  cries  of 
mourning. 


igo  Speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

Within  less  than  two  years  the  Mexicans  were  ingloriously  de- 
feated, and  Kentuckians  carved  with  their  trusty  swords  another 
famous  chapter  in  the  history  of  the  State. 

Concerning  the  pohtical  struggles  between  the  court  and  country, 
Relief  and  Anti-Relief  parties,  the  controversy  which  arose  over  the 
merits  of  the  French  Revolution  and  the  Alien  and  Sedition  laws,  I 
will  only  say  that  they  developed  many  statesmen,  l-awyers,  and  jurists, 
whose  brilliancy,  ability,  and  power  reflected  great  credit  upon,  and 
contributed  invaluable  literature  to,  the  Commonwealth.  The  history 
of  the  Democratic,  Whig,  and  Republican  parties  may  be  summed  up 
by  reference  to  two  principal  political  differences. 

Unfortunately  for  Kentucky,  indeed,  for  the  Nation,  the  institu- 
tion of  slavery  found  lodgment  in  the  United  States  at  an  early  period. 
From  its  inception  there  was  a  dispute  among  the  master  minds  of  the 
Republic  as  to  its  justice.  Notably  among  those  who,  in  Kentucky, 
condemned  it,  was  Henry  Clay.  His  great  mistake  was  subsequently 
made  in  condoning  it ;  but  his  motives  cannot  be  questioned.  He  was 
impractical  enough  to  believe  that  by  compromise  and  concession  war 
could  be  averted  and  the  Union  preserved.  To  this  purpose  he  dedi- 
cated his  life,  and  for  years  postponed  the  evil  day.  But  the  conflict 
could  not  be  averted — it  was  inevitable.  In  the  language  of  Lincoln, 
no  nation  could  permanently  exist  half  free  and  half  slave.  At  this 
day,  in  the  light  of  past  events,  there  can  be  found  no  intelligent  man 
who  for  a  moment  would  think  of  restoring  slavery,  and  all  wonder 
why  such  a  horrible  institution  ever  existed  in  a  free  country.  It  may 
be  said  with  equal  truth  that  no  intelligent  man  doubts  the  honesty  of 
those  who  believed  in  the  justice  of  that  institution,  and  who,  in  the 
main,  gave  the  most  humane  treatment  to  their  unfortunate  bondmen. 

From  the  inception  of  the  Government  there  were  two  distinct 
schools  of  statesmen ;  one,  holding  to  the  doctrine  that  the  States  were 
the  source  of  all  power,  and  might  resist  the  enforcement  of  what  they 
believed  to  be  unjust  national  laws,  and  even  rightfully  withdraw  from 
the  Union  at  pleasure;  the  other,  that  every  citizen  owed  his  first 
duty  to  the  Nation,  which  was  supreme,  and  that  no  State  could  right- 
fully withdraw  from  the  Union.  The  many  discussions  of  the  illus- 
trious statesmen  of  America  on  this  question  are  perhaps  the  ablest 
and  most  powerful  that  have  occurred  during  our  national  existence. 
Naturally,  the  people  of  each  section  were  deeply  impressed  with  the 
views  of  their  leaders. 

The  threats  to  nullify  and  the  declaration  favoring  State  sov- 
ereignty, so  frequently  made  by  leading  men,  together  with  the  belief 
in  the  South  that  the  institution  of  slavery  was  in  danger  by  reason  of 


speeches  of  William  0.  Bradley.  ipi 

the  accession  of  the  Republican  party  to  power,  led  to  secession  and 
the  firing  on  Fort  Sumter.  These  acts  plunged  the  country  into  the 
bloodiest  war  of  all  time.  Brother  contended  against  brother,  and 
father  against  son,  homes  were  desolated,  and  the  flower  of  American 
manhood  went  down  in  death.  The  curtains  of  gloom  hung  heavily 
over  every  home,  and  the  whole  land  was  filled  with  broken  and 
bleeding  hearts.  But  I  refrain  from  referring  further  to  the  horrors 
and  immense  sacrifices  of  blood  and  treasure  during  that  frightful 
period. 

In  this  titanic  conflict  Kentuckians  were  divided,  the  large  majority, 
true  to  the  teachings  of  Henry  Clay,  standing  by  the  Union,  loyal  as 
were  their  forefathers  in  pioneer  days  when  they  refused  to  listen 
to  the  siren  songs,  or  accept  the  alluring  offers,  of  Spain  and  England. 
That  those  who  went  with  the  South  were  honest  in  their  convictions 
cannot  be  doubted,  for  the  motives  of  men  who  are  willing  to  die  for 
a  principle  cannot  be  questioned.  Whatever  may  have  been  the  dif- 
ference of  opinion  then,  we  are  all  thankful  now  that  the  conflict 
ended  in  the  preservation  of  the  Union  and  the  abolition  of  slavery. 
And  we  are  all  proud  of  the  heroic  deeds  of  our  brave  sons  who 
fought  or  fell  on  either  side.  They  made  a  record  in  that,  as  in  every 
other  war  in  which  they  have  been  engaged,  for  sublime  courage  and 
unswerving  devotion  to  the  principles  they  espoused. 

To  Kentucky  fell  the  highest  distinction  of  that  memorable  strug- 
gle, that  of  furnishing  the  Commanders-in-Chief  of  the  two  great 
contending  armies— Abraham  Lincoln  and  Jefferson  Davis.  The  for- 
mer was  the  most  wonderful  and  illustrious  man  in  all  the  rolling 
years  of  time.  Endowed  with  superhuman  wisdom,  yet  simple  as  a 
child,  gifted  with  the  loftiest  courage,  yet  tender  as  a  woman,  the 
saviour  of  the  Union,  the  liberator  of  a  race,  he  fell  a  martyr  to 
human  liberty,  revered  and  honored  by  the  people  of  the  civilized 
world.  The  latter  won  imperishable  fame  on  the  fields  of  Mexico, 
left  the  impress  of  his  remarkable  mind  upon  the  records  of  the 
mightiest  deliberative  body  on  earth,  was  endowed  with  magnificent 
courage  and  unshaken  belief  in  the  righteousness  of  his  cause,  and 
received  the  most  enthusiastic  plaudits  of  his  followers,  who  sorrow- 
fully furled  their  tattered  and  battle-stained  banner  forever— the 
heroes  of  a  "Lost  Cause." 

These  two  mighty  Kentuckians,  descendants  of  the  pioneers,  oc- 
cupied the  nation's  stage  for  four  years,  while  the  people  of  the  whole 
world  witnessed  the  most  thrilling  drama  of  time. 

On  the  monument  erected  by  Kentucky  on  the  bloody  field  of 
Chickamauga,  where  her  sons  contended  with  each  other  in  m.uch 


192  speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

larger  numbers  than  on  any  other  field,  cast  in  enduring  bronze  is  this 
inscription : 

"As  we  are  united  in  life,  and  they  united  in 
death,  let  one  monument  perpetuate  their  deeds,  and 
one  people,  forgetful  of  all  asperities,  forever  hold 
in  grateful  remembrance  all  the  glories  of  that 
terrible  conflict  which  made  all  men  free  and  pre- 
served every  star  on  the  Nation's  flag," 

The  writing  of  that  inscription  was  the  proudest  act  of  my  life, 
and  truly  expresses  the  sentiment  of  every  patriotic  Kentuckian. 

It  is  believed  that  this  was  the  first  monument  erected  since  the 
dawn  of  creation  whereon  the  deeds  of  victor  and  vanquished  were 
alike  extolled. 

Of  the  Spanish-American  War  it  may  be  said  that  Spain  was 
defeated  before  Kentuckians  could  take  active  part ;  but,  quick  as  was 
her  defeat,  it  would  have  been  accelerated  had  they  earlier  reached 
the  front.  In  that  war,  as  in  all  others,  our  sons  responded  with 
alacrity  to  the  nation's  call.  The  gray  was  merged  into  the  blue  and 
former  foemen  marched  as  brothers  beneath  the  folds  of  the  old  flag, 
each  struggling  for  the  post  of  honor. 

In  the  call  for  volunteers  the  President  gave  the  preference  to  the 
three  State  guard  regiments,  which  patriotically  volunteered  in  a  body. 
Later,  other  volunteers  being  required,  there  came  from  the  moun- 
tains of  Kentucky  another  regiment  of  infantry  and  two  companies 
of  cavalry,  composed  of  equally  patriotic  men.  Twenty  regiments 
could  have  been  readily  placed  in  the  field  had  their  services  been 
required. 

Much  as  Kentucky  suffered  during  the  Civil  War,  it  was  a  bless- 
ing in  disguise,  for  it  settled  forever  the  supremacy  of  the  nation  and 
removed  the  incubus  of  slavery  which  for  so  many  years  materially 
retarded  progress. 

The  Spanish-American  war  was  a  like  blessing,  for  it  demon- 
strated beyond  all  question  that  the  bitterness  of  the  past  had  been 
buried  forever,  and  Kentuckians  were  once  more  keeping  step  to 
the  music  of  the  Union, 

Time  forbids  that  I  should  call  the  long  roll  of  Kentucky's  illus- 
trious sons.  Her  statesmen,  soldiers,  orators,  physicians,  inventors, 
poets,  sculptors,  judges,  preachers,  lawyers,  and  politicians,  have  been 
the  equals  of  all,  and  in  some  instances  the  superiors  of,  those  of  any 
other  State  of  the  Union.  She  has  contributed  seven  Judges  to  the 
Supreme  bench ;  ninety  Ambassadors,  foreign  Ministers  and  Consuls ; 


Speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley.  193 

twenty  distinguished  commanders  to  the  Army  of  the  United  States, 
and  Admirals,  Commodores  and  Vice- Admirals  to  the  Navy;  during 
the  War  of  the  Rebellion,  nearly  sixty  famous  generals — about  equally 
divided  between  the  contending  armies;  and,  aside  from  Governors 
and  Congressmen  representing  the  State,  one  hundred  of  her  sons  as 
Governors  and  Congressmen  in  other  States  of  the  Union.  Six  Ken- 
tuckians  have  served  as  Vice-President,  two  as  President,  and  one  as 
President  of  the  Confederate  States. 

In  1790  our  population  was  only  seventy-three  thousand,  six  hun- 
dred and  seventy-seven ;  now,  it  is  two  million,  five  hundred  thousand. 
Then,  our  wealth  was  so  insignificant  that  we  have  no  estimate  of  its 
amount;  now,  the  taxable  wealth  is  eight  hundred  and  twenty-two 
millions  of  dollars. 

During  this  period  we  have  built  cities,  towns,  turnpikes,  bridges, 
railroads,  colleges,  churches,  and  school  houses ;  improved  rivers,  de- 
veloped mines,  felled  forests,  increased  and  improved  agriculture  in 
all  of  its  branches,  erected  telegraph  and  telephone  lines,  and  advanced 
materially  in  all  the  avenues  of  life  and  trade. 

But,  my  countrymen,  this  dedication  would  be  a  meaningless 
ceremony,  a  shadowy  nothing,  should  we  fail  in  the  exultation  of  the 
moment,  to  appreciate  our  shortcomings  and  acknowledge  our  faults. 

Material  as  has  been  the  State's  progress,  it  has  not  been  what  it 
should  have  been.  For  years  before  the  Civil  War  she  was  cursed 
by  slavery  which  enervated  the  people,  and  for  years  after  crippled  by 
ill-will  and  party  prejudice  growing  out  of  it. 

She  has  not  the  wealth,  enterprise,  energy,  or  development  of 
younger  States  not  blessed  with  her  great  natural  advantages. 

Her  colleges  have  kept  reasonable  pace  with  those  of  many  of 
the  States,  and  while,  during  the  last  quarter  of  a  century,  there  has 
been  material  improvement  in  common  school  education,  the  system 
is  by  no  means  creditable  to  the  State.  However,  the  recent  quicken- 
ing among  the  people,  due  to  the  efforts  of  the  late  Superintendent  of 
Public  Instruction,  gives  brilliant  promise  of  future  advancement. 

There  have  been  periods  of  lawlessness  and  violence  that  have 
seriously  prejudiced  us  at  home  and  abroad.  It  is  cause  for  congratu- 
lation, however,  that  these  violations  of  law  have  not  been  contin- 
uous, and  that  the  State  is  now  substantially  free  from  their  perpe- 
tration. But,  considering  these  faults,  serious  as  they  are,  they  pale 
into  insignificance  in  the  light  of  glories  achieved  by  the  Common- 
wealth. 

It  would,  indeed,  be  difficult  to  estimate  the  wealth  and  power  of 
Kentucky  had  these  unfavorable  conditions  never  existed. 


194  Speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

On  this  day,  standing  near  the  shadows  of  the  past,  in  the  bright 
light  of  the  present,  and  facing  the  substantial  promise  of  the  future, 
we  should  dedicate,  not  this  Capitol  alone,  but  ourselves,  to  the  service 
of  the  State;  and  when  we  return  to  our  homes  with  renewed  faith 
and  zeal,  we  should  encourage  others  to  work  ceaselessly  for  the  moral 
and  commercial  upbuilding  of  the  Commonwealth,  so  that  the  influence 
of  this  gathering  may  extend,  as  the  constantly  enlarging  circle  re- 
sulting from  the  casting  of  a  stone  into  the  waters,  to  every  portion  of 
Kentucky. 

We  need  more  and  better  public  roads,  more  telegraph  and  tele- 
phone lines,  more  improved  waterways,  more  railroads,  greater  devel- 
opment of  forest  and  mines.  If  we  but  do  our  duty,  every  material 
interest  will  advance,  and,  rich  as  are  other  portions  of  the  State,  the 
mountain  counties,  derided  in  the  past,  v/ill  become  the  richest  section 
of  the  State. 

While  these  commercial  interests  are  of  vast  importance,  they  by 
no  means  constitute  the  dominant  factors  in  our  well-being. 

First,  of  all,  the  people  should  be  taught  the  highest  respect  for 
the  enforcement  of  law  and  order ;  otherwise,  all  may  become  chaotic 
and  worthless.  The  murderer,  the  mob,  and  all  organized  bands  of 
lawless  men  must  be  convinced  that  this  is  not  a  healthy  locality  for 
their  action.  When  the  time  comes  that  every  citizen,  however  humble, 
is  fully  protected  in  the  enjoyment  of  life,  liberty,  and  property,  he 
will  love  his  State  because  of  such  protection ;  and  until  that  time  we 
cannot  boast  of  the  "Old  Kentucky  Home." 

We  should  labor  effectively  and  earnestly,  and  contribute  liberally, 
to  the  education  of  the  children  of  the  State,  so  that  when  they  grow 
into  manhood  and  womanhood,  they  shall  love  the  State  on  account  of 
what  it  has  done  for  them.  Kentucky  can  never  become  truly  great 
until  every  child,  white  and  black,  within  her  borders,  may  drink 
freely  at  the  public  fountain  of  knowledge.  Nor  can  she,  by  any  other 
means,  more  effectively  succeed  in  eliminating  crime  and  disorder. 
Education  is  not  only  the  foundation  of  moral,  physical,  and  intellec- 
tual improvement,  but  it  is  the  open  sesame  to  success  in  every  avenue 
of  life.  Whenever  it  becomes  manifest  that  Kentucky  protects  her 
citizens  and  affords  liberal  advantages  for  education,  the  honest,  intel- 
ligent, and  sturdy  immigrant,  instead  of  avoiding  us,  as  has  largely 
been  his  custom  in  the  past,  will  gladly  come  among  us,  and  foreign 
capital  will  flow  in  a  golden  stream  over  the  Commonwealth. 

Mr.  Gladstone  said  that  the  first  duty  of  a  State  is  to  care  for  the 
health  of  its  people.    While  not  agreeing  fully  with  him,  it  is  clear 


speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley.  195 

that  such  is  one  among-  its  most  important  duties.  Liberal  appropria- 
tions should  be  made  from  the  Treasury  to  destroy  and  prevent  the 
contraction  and  spread  of  contagious  diseases  by  applying  proper 
remedies,  taking  necessary  precautions,  and  removing  the  causes.  And, 
for  the  purpose  of  accomplishing  this  good  work,  there  should  be  a 
special  course  taught  in  every  school  to  enlighten  the  masses. 

There  are  some  who  will  complain  of  expenditures  to  enforce  the 
law,  to  educate  the  children,  and  to  protect  the  public  health.  Such 
contention  is  not  only  disgusting  parsimony,  but  little  less  than  a 
crime  against  humanity.  They  argue  simply  against  themselves,  even 
financially  considered,  for  every  dollar  thus  expended  will  be  returned 
a  thousand-fold. 

We  should  not  forget  that  while  every  citizen  has  a  right  to  the 
fullest  and  freest  expression  and  exercise  of  his  political  views,  there 
are  matters  of  much  greater  moment  that  should  call  into  energetic 
action  our  liveliest  energies.  The  first  and  most  important  civic  duty 
is,  to  love  the  Union ;  the  next,  to  love  the  State.  Then,  in  the  language 
of  the  Holy  Writ,  we  should  "love  one  another."  We  sprang  from 
the  same  common  ancestors ;  each  has  the  same  interest  in  the  Nation 
and  State,  and  each  is  struggling,  or  should  be,  to  accomplish  the 
greatest  good  for  the  whole  State.  Our  hearts,  our  hopes,  our  aspira- 
tions, are  the  same.  Hence,  we  should,  at  all  times,  cultivate  fraternal 
love. 

We  should  appreciate  that  we  are  living  in  the  world's  greatest 
era.  There  are  mighty  forces  of  good  and  evil  confronting  each  other. 
Wonderful  improvements  and  inventions  are  revolutionizing  the  world, 
overcoming  distance,  and  almost  defying  space.  The  earth,  the  sea, 
and  the  air,  are  fearlessly  and  successfully  invaded  and  utilized  by 
man.  National  differences  and  controversies  threaten  to  involve  the 
whole  world.  "Commercial  supremacy"  is  the  slogan  of  the  nations ; 
and  here  and  there  are  specters  that  may  soon  become  substantial  and 
dangerous  realities.  Let  Kentuckians  seriously  think  and  profoundly 
study  all  these  problems,  so  that  whatever  conditions  arise  they  shall 
be  ready  and  able,  as  their  fathers  were,  to  take  an  active,  successful, 
and  glorious  part. 

Human  imagination  cannot  conceive,  much  less  can  pen  portray, 
the  splendid  future  of  Kentucky.  And  when  she  has  reached  the  zenith 
of  her  glory,  when  she  shall  blossom  in  the  fullness  of  her  beauty,  and 
another  Capitol,  grander  and  more  capacious  than  this,  shall  be  erected, 
may  we  not  indulge  the  hope  that  something  we  have  said  or  done 
will  justly  call  forth  a  word  of  commendation?  If  such  word  be 
spoken,  we  shall  not  have  lived  in  vain. 


196  speeches  of  William  O.  Bradley. 

Regretfully  we  turn  from  this  spot,  because  each  appreciates  the 
fact  that  never  again  shall  he  feel  the  inspiration  of  national  and  State 
love  that  this  occasion  inspires,  for  the  probability  is  that  even  the 
youngest  will  not  live  to  witness  another  dedication.  In  comparatively 
a  few  years  you  shall  rest  in  the  soil  you  love  so  well.  May  the  sum- 
mer's sun  shine  brightly,  and  the  winter's  snows  fall  lightly  as  they 
deftly  weave  their  white  mantle  above  you.  May  the  tempests  abate 
their  fury  as  they  sweep  over  you.  May  the  springtime  entwine  its  most 
beautiful  garlands  above  you  ;  and  may  each  of  you,  reunited  with  your 
loved  ones,  in  that  realm  beyond  the  stars  where  summer's  heat  and 
winter's  cold  are  unknown,  where  the  grass  never  withers  and  the 
flowers  never  fade,  abide  in  His  presence  forever. 


GENERAL  INDEX. 


Biographical  Sketch,  I  to  XXIII. 

Stories,  i  to  i6i. 

Speeches,  163  to  196. 


Alphabetical  Index  of  Stories. 


A  Backwoods   Lawyer 32 

A  Beer  Expert 153 

A  Big  Turnip 131 

A  Cholera  Doctor 159 

A  Common  Carrier 104 

A  Complete  Rejoinder 90 

A  Consistent  Record 146 

A  Cross-Eyed  Bird 82 

A  Curt  Request 125 

A  Dangerous  Weapon 77 

A  Dog  Expert 116 

A    Fair    Convention 61 

A    Fair    Trial 67 

A  Famous  Dispatch 82 

A  Farmer's  Advice  to  His  Sons    .      .      .158 

A  Fatal  Strain 58 

A  Fine  Legal  Distinction 124 

A  Frank  Sinner 114 

A  Generous  Invitation 159 

A  Gentleman's  Spree 91 

A  Good  Arithmeticker 148 

A  Grateful  Governor 38 

A  Great  Hunter 131 

A  Happy  Answer 141 

A  Heartfelt  Wish 130 

A  Hesitating  Aide 150 

A  Joke  on  Sound  Money 49 

A  Lucid  Interval 120 

A  Man  of  Contract 126 

A  Meek  Attorney 83 

A  Par  of  Co-in-ci-dences 113 

A  Paralyzing  Answer 96 

A  Pertinent  and  Personal  Inquiry    .      .  1 

A  Powerful  Sermon  on  a  Peculiar  Text  64 

A  Priceless  Drink 76 

A  Reasonable  Doubt 35 

A    Repeater Ill 

A  Reputation  for  Impartiality     ...  2 
A  Slight  Change  for  the  Better    .      .      .153 

A  Spirited  Controversy 103 

A  Successful  Defense 86 

A  Successful  Experiment 146 

A  Sufficient  Reminder 80 

A  Swift  Pace 115 

"A  Tammed  Tight  Squeeze"    .      .      .      .102 

A  Tory  Law  Book 106 

A  Vi-gorous  Campaign 140 

Advancing  Backward 158 

Advantages   of  "Larnin" 4 

Afraid  He  Would  Release  the  Security  60 

Always  Seeing  Small   Things      ...  57 

All-Sufficient  Motion 71 

An  Affectionate  Candidate      ....  1 


An  Amusing  Retort 
An  Easy-Going  Neighborhood 
An  Extravagant  Compliment 
An  Immaterial  Mistake     . 
An  Intense  Silence  .... 
An  "Interruptious"  Old  Daddy 
An  Injured  Debtor  .... 
An  Inquiring  Female    . 
An  Old  Acquaintance     . 
An  Old  Time  Sermon     . 
An  Unfortunate  Prompter      . 
"And  McQuerter  Drank  His"  . 
Anecdotes  Are  Public  Property 
Another  Letter  in  the  Alphabet 
Another  Way  of  Putting  It    . 
Answering  an  Ugly  Question 
Anticipated  "Onpleasantness" 
Anxious  for  a  Reputation  . 
Appeal  for  Silence    .... 


130 

93 

54 

52 

83 

94 

40 

97 

56 

66 

135 

115 

152 

124 

99 

138 

97 

40 


B 

Baptism  by  Force 55 

Beaten  at  His  Own  Game 102 

"Better  Writ  a  Letter" 137 

Blind  Watts  and  the  Lost  Papers     .      .     59 

Born  to  be  Hanged 45 

Bugology 108 


Capturing  a  Toung  Eagle  .... 

Carpet-Baggers 

Charge  to  a  Grand  Jury     .... 
Charged  With  Dynamite    .... 
Circumstances  Alter  Cases     . 
Climax  Unexpectedly  Destroyed  . 

Colonel  Dunlap 

Contempt 

Contempt  Barred  by  Limitation  .  . 
Contempt  for  the  Poor  .... 
Come  Out  the  Same  Hole  He  Went  In 

Could  Not  Ride  It 

Countenance  and  Character    . 

Courtroom  Repartee 

Crippled  Gladiator 

"Cuss"  the  Court 


156 

92 
140 
105 

43 
137 
112 

19 
115 
142 
128 

85 


Danger    Happily    Averted      ....     21 

Dead  for  Good 127 

Death  Preferred  to  Hearing  a  Speech    .     77 
Declined  to  Anticipate  Providence    .      .   101 

Declined  To  Be  Angels 7 

Delicate  Way  of  Putting  It     ....     72 
Determined  to  Apologize 97 


Disconnected  Sentences 
Doctor  Breckinridge's  Bet  . 
Draw  Poker  School  . 
Dread  of  Lawyers     . 
Dreamed  He  Was  a  Monkey 
Drivin'  'Em  All  Before  Him 
Dulaney  and  the  Hound     . 


104      In  the  Same  Fix 6 

138      Incorrigible  Debtor 137 

116  Indecent  Exposure  Contributory  Negli- 

80              gence 78 

121       Ingenious  Library 11 

65  Instruction  and  Entertainment    ...  23 

121  It  Might  Have  Been  Worse    ....  63 


Embarrassing  Situation 118 

Enthusiastic  Democrats 37 


Equal  Losers 

Equally  Ashamed  .... 
Equally  Intelligent  .... 
Every  Man  Entitled  to  Counsel 
Exhorbitant    Doctor    Fees 


27 

7 

120 

38 

74 


J 

Jake  Bronston  and  the  Bull    ....  154 

Judas  and  Peter  Mixed 85 

Judge    Craddock 36 

Judge  Guffy 113 

Judge  Pearl 23 

Just  Once 155 


First  Effort  of  Miles  Scroggins  . 
For  O'Connor  and  the  Union  . 
Forgetting  a  Scriptural  Injunction 
Frank  But  Ingenious  Argument 
From  Solemnity  to  Hilarity  .  . 
Fundamental  Absorption   .      .      . 


70 
89 
55 
34 
126 
41 


Kivered  Too  Much  Territory  . 
Knew  Less  About  More  Things 
Knew  What  He  Needed     .      . 


113 

58 
20 


G 

Garrard  County  Celebrities     ....  7 

General  Character 149 

General  Landrum 144 

General  Whittaker 21 

"Giggle  Some  On  My  Side"  ....  125 
"Go  Through  Hell  A-Poppin"      .      .      .138 

"Good-Bye,  World,  and  Howdy,  Hell"   .  53 

Good  Evidence 120 

Good  Logic 5 

Grading   Lawyer's   Fees 117 

H 

Had  to  Climb  the  Tree 114 

Hard  on  the  Court 5 

Hard  to  Satisfy 80 

Have  You  Got  Airy  Dollar     .      .      .      .144 

He  Did  Not  Like  'Em 150 

He  Might  Have  Been  Guilty    .      .      .      .158 

Hearty   Approval 160 

Henry  Clay's  Advice 119 

His  Two  Worst  Enemies 82 

His  Wit  Saved  Him 123 

Holding  His  Own 96 

How  a  Silk  Hat  Saved  a  Life  .  .  .27 
How  Governor  Buckner  Lost  a  Vote  .  8 
How  to  Put  Ears  on  a  Mule  ....  58 
Hurrah   for  H — 1 86 

I 

I  Acknowledge  the  Service     ....  36 

"I'm  a  Settin" 50 

"I'm  Bound  to  Talk  About  Him"     .      .  73 

"I'm  Surprised  of  It" 43 

"I    Beg    Your    Pardon" 17 

"I   Sock  Him" 3 

Impartial  Magistrate     .      .      ,    ".      .      .  98 

In  a  Bad  Fix 122 


Lack  of  Discrimination 118 

"Larned"   Him  Too   Much      ....  38 

Laying   Bones   Together 126 

"Let  Me,  Isaac,  Out" 129 

Liberty  Yocum 68 

Little  Change 157 

Longer  Pocket  or  Shorter  Pistol     .      .  62 

Lost  One  Half  His  Memory     ....  4 

Lusk  and  Marshall 150 

Lynam's  Nose 109 


Made  a  Mistake 

Major  Bradley 

Making    Others    Contented     . 
Marshall,  Breckinridge,  and  Clay 
Meanest   Clients   on  Earth 
More  Talk  About  Parish  Teater 
More  Time  Than  Necessary    . 
"Most  Onconvenientest  Persishun 
Mullins'  Famous  Speech     . 
Mullins'  Grace 


128 
105 

53 
152 

17 
109 

88 
142 

71 
154 


Necessity  for  Ocular  Demonstration     .  4 

No   Change   of  Opinion 6 

No  Girl  to  Play  on  It 141 

No   Law  Against   It 93 

No  Pride  of  Opinion 3 

No  Rights 125 

No  Use  for  the  Philippines     ....  144 

Not  Responsible 61 

Novel  Experiment 133 

Novel    Judgment 3 

Novel  Method  of  Gauging  Whiskey     .  39 

Novel  Plea  of  Self  Defense     ....  31 


"Old  Necessity" 6 

Only  One  at  a  Time 122 

Opposed  to  Accident  Insurance  ...     41 


p 

Pathos  Spoiled 83 

"Paul  and  Petah" 67 

Peculiar    Fortifications 160 

Peculiar  Sign 113 

Personates  Governor  Wise     ....  30 

Pinkston's  Pup 81 

Played  His  Hand  Out 153 

Plea  of  Silas  Sullivan  to  U.  S.  District 

Attorney 157 

Pocahontas 148 

Police  Court  at  Crab  Orchard     ...  50 

Politeness  Personified 26 

Polly  Muggins'  Fish  Trap      ....  28 

Pork  Inspector  at  Jerusalem  ....  143 

Prayer  "With  a  Condition 60 

Predestination 123 

Preserving  His  Time 96 

Production  of  the  Weapon  Sufficient     .  106 

Proper  Adjustment  of  a  Fee    ....  145 

Punishment  After  Death 156 

Punishment  for  Contempt      ....  34 

Q 

Quieting  a  Hoodlum 77 

R 

Rare  Self  Possession 6 

Ready  for  the  Bite 65 

Reasonable  Explanation 18 

Remarkable  Liberality 150 

Remarkable  Love  Letter 42 

Reproof  of  a  Bully 75 

Retort    Courteous 160 

Rufus  Eno 46 

S 

Saved  Him  the  Trouble 100 

Senator  Blackburn's  Retort    ....  75 

Seriously  Handicapped 99 

Sethiel  A  Pensioner 12 

Severe  Reproof 119 

"Sez  John  to  Canter" 143 

Shallow  Water 50 

"Shelebratin'  Shenator  Beck's  Birfd3.y"  10 
"Smartest    Man    on    the    Face    of    the 

Earth" 23 

Some  Hewer 133 

Something  Commendable  in  Everybody     62 

Sorely  Disappointed 63 

Sorry  Bill  Bird  Couldn't  Hear  It  .      .      .  139 

Speaking  on  Both  Sides 151 

Spectacles 100 

Spencer  G.  Dabney 26 

Stillborn  at  That 107 

Stinging   Rebuke 37 

Stories  by  Ed.  Morrow 156 

Strange  Ammunition 45 

Strange  Pronunciation 127 

Sudden  Change  of  Opinion     ....  25 

Surprising  Discovery 67 

Swimming  the  Mississippi      ....  105 


T 

Take  Your  Time  for  It 135 

Taking  Time  by  the  Forelock     ...  34 

The  Best  Child  on  the  Place      ...  5 

The  Black  Masons 84 

The  Country  Gone  to  H— 1     ....  74 

The  Cross-Eyed  Landlord 152 

The  Devil  in  His  Breeches     ....  54 

The  Disgusted  Juryman 118 

The  Doty  Brothers H 

The  Double  Barrel  of  Cider     ....  145 

The  Effect  of  Change 28 

The   Great   Comptroller 90 

The  Greatest  Speech  Ever     ....  26 

The  Handwriting  of  Judge  Boyd     .      .  92 

The  Hereafter 91 

The  Jackson  Dog  Story 109 

The  Judges  Protecting  Themselves      .  37 

The  Jump-Tail  Josie 72 

The    Laugh    Turned 32 

The  Lav>'3  and  the  Court  of  Appeals     .  136 

The  Lawyer  and  the  Comet    ....  24 

The   Left   Handed   Fiddler      ....  15 

The  Loan  of  a  Cannon 93 

The  Lord  Can  Do  As  He  Pleases     .      .  102 

The  Modest  Young  Man 119 

The  Most  "Honestest"  Man     ....  88 

The  Moving  of  the  Spirit 54 

The   "Nigger"   Settled  It 15 

The  Nineteenth  Century 91 

The  Poor  Little  Scattered  Potatoes  .      .  134 

The    Practical    Fighter 57 

The  Result  of  Political  Changes      .      .  57 

The  Roar  of  a  Lion 132 

The  Squirrels  and  the  Corn     .      .      .      .132 

The    Tables    Turned 14 

The  "Tarrifier" 59 

The  Two  Doctors 154 

The  Unlettered   Mother 51 

The  Use  of  Jaw-Breakers 78 

The  Writing  in  the  Sand 107 

"Thirteen,  Me  Capacity" 142 

Thirteen  Men  Necessary  to  Convict  an 

Innocent  Man 41 

Thompson's   Colt 63 

"Thoroughly  Impartial" 129 

Threat  Easily   Satisfied 22 

Too  Much  Light 1 

Too   Much   Noise 62 

Too    Partisan    to    "Holler"      ....  17 

Trying  to  Make  Him  a  Radical      .      .  8 

Two  Celebrated  Speeches 95 

Two  Detectives 76 

Two  Good  Reasons 70 

Two  Kinds  of  Fools 53 

U 

Uncertain  of  the  Date 74 

Under  Compulsion 161 

Understood  His  Duty 158 

Undisputed  Facts 144 

Unique  Opinion  of  Mt.  Vernon  Bar  .      .  24 

Unknov/n  to  Shakespeare 101 

Unwilling  to  Go  to  Hell  for  Ten  Dollars     79 

Used  the  Wrong  Word 39 


w 

Walking  With  His  Head 69 

Walton  and  the  Wasp 145 

Want  of  Information 106 

Wanted    His    Expenses 58 

Waste   of  Lightning 16 

Welch  and  the  Preacher 60 

Will  Go  Straight  Back 90 

Without  Legal  Knowledge     ....  149 


Wonderful  Exaggerator 12 

Working  a  Broken  Jaw 130 

Worse  Things  Than  a  Convict     ...  57 

Would  Keep  Up  With  the  Procession    .  103 
Why  He  Married  Three  Sisters    .      .      .135 

T 

"You  Don't  Know  Me" 124 

You're  No  Democrat 68 


SPEECHES  OF  WM.  O.  BRADLEY. 


Seconding  Nomination  of  General  Grant,  163-165. 

Dedicating  Kentucky  Building  at  World's  Fair,  165-170. 

Extract  From  Speech  Replying  to  General  Hardin,  1 70-171. 

At  Christening  of  Battleship  Kentucky,  171-173. 

Dedicating  Kentucky  Monument  at  Chickamauga  Park,   173-177. 

Memorial  Day  Address  at  Arlington,  177-183. 

Dedicating  New  State  Capitol  at  Frankfort,  183-196. 


Alphabetical  List  of  Names  Referred  to  in  Stories. 


A 

Ambrose,  Brother 142 

Anderson,  Sim 1 

B 

Baker,   Bill  Fritz 156 

Ballard,  Judge  Bland 125 

Ballinger, 126 

Baxter,  Judge 22 

B ,   John 34 

B .Judge 121,122 

Beatty,  Rev.  Ormond 146 

Beck,  Senator  James  B 10,    76 

Belknap,  Morris 114 

Bell,  Hon.  Joshua  F 105,160 

Bell,  Tom 80 

Best,  George 99 

Blackburn,  Senator  J.  C.     .      .      .  75,  76,    77 

Bobbitt,  Mr 59,  61,  85 

Boone,  Captain  Sam 141 

Boyd,  Judge  Robert      .      .      .      .24,  92,    93 

Bradley,  Major  Robert  M 

.  .  .83,  105,  106,  107,  108,  109,  142, 155 
Bramblette,  Gov.  Thomas  .  .  .49,  75,  83 
Breckinridge,  General  John  C.  .  .  15, 150 
Breckinridge,  Rev.  Robert  J.  .  .  .138,152 
Breckinridge,  Col.  W.  C.  P.     .      .  68,  69,    95 

Bridges,  Judge 1 

Britton,  Jimmy 53 

Bronston,  Hon.  Chas 57,    69 

Bronston,  Jake 154 

Bronston,  Rev.  Thomas 154 

Browder,  Wilbur  F 112 

Brown,  John 24 

Buckner,  Judge  Ben 128 

Buckner,  General  Simon  Bolivar     .     .       8 

Burchard,  Rev.  Doctor 7 

Burdette,  Ben  M 3 

Burdette,  Sam  M 24,137 

Burnside,  Col.  J.  A, 94 

Burton,  Allan  A 3 

C 

Camden,  Uncle  Ike 129 

Canter,  John 43, 143 

Carpenter,  101 

Carter,   Judge       ........     24 

Carter,  "Lawyer" 144 

C ,  Colonel 9 

Centre  College 146 

Chrisman,  Hon.  Jim 100 

Clark,  Col.  Anson 139 

Claunch,  M 161 

Clay,  Henry 118. 119, 152 

Clayton,  Mary 47 

Cogar,  Captain  Tom 63 

Collier,  General  D.  R 94, 158 

Comly,  "Bill" 74 

Conn,  Alex 94 

Conn,  Andrew 97,  98,    99 

Cook,  Bob 24 

Cook,  "Brother" 31,154 

Cook,  Ed 86 


Craddock,  Judge  George  M.     .      .      .   36,    37 

Crawford,  Jack '^^ 

Creekmore,  Uncle  Rashe 28 

Crockett,  Davy H^ 

Crowe,  "Brother" 62 

Cundiff,  John 127 

D 

Dabney,  Spencer  G 26,  27,  28,  30 

Davie,  George  M 6 

D ,  Colonel 6 

Dembitz,  L.  N 6 

Denny,  Judge  George 103,119 

Dillon,  Russell 5 

Dillon,  Captain  W.  R 5 

Dinwiddle,  James 153 

Dobbs,  Jim 114 

Doty,  James H 

Doty,  John 11,    12 

Drane,  Judge 21 

Dudley,  Col.  Ambrose 97 

Dulaney,  Judge  William 121 

Dunlap,  Col.  George  W.     .      .   19,  43,  45, 143 

Dunnegan,  Pat 142 

Durham,  Hon.  Milton  J.,  88,  89,  90,  102, 118 

Duvall,  Judge 155 

Dye,  Josh 31 

£ 

Elkin,  126 

Elliott,  John  M 19,    20 

Eno,  Rufus 46 

Evans,  Judge  Walter 104,140 

Ewell,  Richard  L 140 

F 

Field,  Judge  Emmett 103 

Field, 152 

Finley,  Judge  Frank 130 

Fish,  Mrs 133 

Franks,  Elder 148 

Fox,  Billy 144 

Fox,  Judge  F.  T.  .      .      .     1,    2,    3,  4,  82, 146 

Fox,  McKee 82 

Pry,  General 12 


G 


Gallaher,  Bob  .     .     . 
Garrard,   Colonel 
Goebel,  Senator  Wm. 
Goodloe,  Judge  W.  C. 
Gordon,  Judge 
Grant,  Major  Alex    . 
Graybeal,  Donald 
Guffy,  Judge  B.  L.  D. 


104 

61 

7 

73 

34 

150 

135 

113,114 


H 

Haley,  Dennis 52 

Hallam,  Theodore 90 

Hardin,  Ben  Lee 83, 104 

Hardin,  Hon.  Charles 83 

Hardin,  Judge 37 

Harding,  Hon.  Aaron 146 


Hardwick,  "Old  Ben" 138 

Harlan,  Justice  John  M 75, 145 

Harney,   John 100 

Haselden,  Sherman 67 

Henderson,  98 

Hendricks,  Col.  John  K 38 

Herndon,  Albert 154 

Herndon,  Hon.  William 103 

Hewitt,  Mr 151 

Higginbotham,   Charles  L. 32 

Hightower,  125 

Hill,  Hon.  R.  D 105 

Hill,  Colonel  Thomas  P 85,    86 

Hill,  Mr 8» 

Hite,  Sam 126 

Hoarhammer,  George 109 

Hocker,  Jess 60 

Hodge,   Sonny 93 

Holcomb,  Steve 98 

Holt,  Judge 142 

Hoskins,  Colonel 160 

Houston,  Mr.  120 

Howell,  Andrew  J 50 

Hubble,  Frank 125 

Hudson,  Bill 34 

Huffman,  Mr.  121 

Hurst,  Elijah 93 

J 

Jacobs,  Hon.  R.  P 146 

Jain,  Nancie 42 

James,  Attorney  General 83 

James,  Senator  Ollie  M 57 

Johnson,  Madison  C 155 

Jones,  David 50 

Jones,  John 38 

Jones,  Jonathan 120 

Jones,  "Sugar" 37 

Jones,  Tom 57 

Jones,  Hon.  Thomas  L Ill 

K 

Kash,  Hon.  Sam 134 

Kidd,  "Uncle  Johnny" 74 

Kincaid,  John 1 

Kirk,  Judge  Andrew 96 

Knapp,  Judge 113 

Knott,  Hon.  J.  Proctor 41,  111 

Kyle,  John  G 68,104 

L 

Lascher,  Sig 153 

Landrum,  Walker 25 

Landrum,  Major  W.  J 144,145 

Langley,  John  W 5 

Lattin,  Bill 59 

Lreavell,  Garland 149 

Lee,  Phil 149 

Letcher,  Gov.  Robert  P IB,  109 

Lindsey,  Judge  Thomas 36 

liindsey,  Senator  William 52 

Lucas,   30 

Lusk,  R.  D 106,125 

Lusk,   Samuel 63,150 

Lusk,  W.  J 118 

Lyman,  Charles 109 


Mc 

McAfee,  Captain  John  J 104 

McClure,  Judge 24 

McCreery,  Senator  Thomas  C-    .      .      .37 

McCullough,  Col.  John  W 159 

McKee,  Dr.  Alex 154 

McKee,  Judge  George  R 71, 106 

McNamara,  Judge 38 

McRoberts,   Dick 149 

McQueerter,  Mr 135 

M 

Marshall,  Ed 77 

Marshall,  Hon.  Humphrey      ....   136 
Marshall,  Hon.  Tom      .      .     77,150.151,152 

Mason,  James 7,  8,  126 

Mason,   "Keg" 120 

Matheny,  Felix 68 

M ,  Judge 39 

Merrill,   Squire  Azariah 137 

Mickey,  Ben 23 

Miller,  Justice 74,148 

Miller,  J.  W 146 

Moore,  Wm.  B 83,    84 

Morrow,  Hon.  Edwin  P 156,157 

Morrow,  Judge  Thomas  Z.      .   3S,  40,  41, 137 

Morris,  Jim 80 

Muggins,  "Aunt  Polly" 28 

MuUins,  Dr 154 

MuUins,  "Legislator" 71 

N 

Nation,  Mrs.  Carrie 7 

Na.ve,  Joe  P 50 

Noel,  Henry  T 82 

Nuttall,  Judge 50 

0 

O'Doherty,  Matt 104 

Ousen,  Jake 118 

Owen,  Senator 160 

Owens,  Ashley 39 

Owens,  Martin 106 

Owsley.  Judge  Mike  L.  39.  53,  70.  78.  85, 107 

P 

Patterson,  Squire  James 119 

Patton,  Judge 70 

Paynter,   Senator 160 

P .  Brother 54 

Pearl,  Judge 23,  24,  25,  26, 109 

Peters,  Chief  Justice 160 

Philpot,  Granville 137 

Philpot,  Mrs.  Sarah 138 

Pinkston,  Wyatt 81 

Pitman,  Berry 123 

Porch,  Squire  Joe 116 

Powell,  Eder 53 

Prater,  Rev 56 

Prentice,  George  D 100 

Pryor,  Judge 37 

B 

Randall,  Judge 62 

Randolph,  Reverend 147 

Ray,  Squire  Dan 106 


Ray,  Joe 107 

Redd,   Charles 67 

Rice,  Milton  L 117,118 

Rigney,  Major 141 

Robertson,  Judge  George 71 

Robinson,  Hon.  James  F 125 

Robinson,  Richard  M 3 

Rodman,  General 127 

S 

Sadler,   97 

Sandifer,  Nicholas 124 

Saufley,  Judge  M.  C 32 

Sawyer,  Major  Thomas  W 53 

S ,  Brother 54 

Scott,   Grip 153 

Scott,  Dr.  W.  F 161 

Schooler,  Miles 158 

Schooler,  Squire 71 

Scroggins,  Miles 70 

Searcy,  "Old  Man" 65 

Simrall,  Hon.  Charles 158 

Skimmerhorn,   John 102 

Skyes,    Bill 93 

Slaughter,  Col.  W.  H 46 

Sloan,  Richard 106 

Smith,  Brother 55 

Smith,  John  ("Raccoon")   .      .      .      .   54,    55 

Smith,  Richard 90 

Sparks,  James 93 

Spriggs,  101 

Sternberg,  Dr 159 

Stewart,  Ike 24 

Suddath,  Cook 135 

Sullivan,  Silas 157 

Swope,  Colonel 12 

T 

Taylor,  Senator  "Bob" 114 

T ,   Tom 150 

Teater,  Parish 109 

Thompson,  Lieut.-Gov.  John  B.,  72, 104, 158 

Thompson,  Captain  Phil 80 

Thompson,  "Little  Phil"     .      .      .      .135,140 

Thompson,  Hon.  Philip  B 72,    75 

Thompson,  63 

Thorne,  Lieut.-Governor    .      .      .16,  17,  18 

Tillett,  Oscar 91,    92 

Todd,  Clinton  ("Danger") 142 

Toney,  Judge 78 


Torrell,  John  Peter 79 

Tribble,  Durrett 138 

Turner,  Major 87,88,155 

Turner,  Tom 80 

Turnipseed,  Rev.  Peter 64 

V 

Van  Winkle,  John 82 

V ,  Judge 39 

W 

Wainscott,  Mr 148 

Walton,  Sam 145 

Ward,  Col.  Henry 95,    96 

Warren,  Hon.  Dick 103 

Warren, 42 

Watterson,  Hon.  Henry     .      .      .      .100,135 

Watts,  Blind 59 

W ,  Judge 35 

Welch,  Col.  Wm.  G 58,  59,  60, 149 

Wheat,  Judge 32 

Whitaker,   Isaiah 123 

Whittaker,  General  Walter  C.     .   21,  22,  23 

Wicker  sham,  Bluford 72 

Wickliffe,  Judge 104 

Wilkins,  Williford 73 

Williams,  Ashly 88 

Williams,  Col.  Sherod 84 

Williams,  Y.  H 112 

Willis,  Captain 126 

Willson,  Governor  A.  E 114 

Wintersmith,  Col.  Dick 97 

Wise,  Governor 30 

Wolford,  General  Frank     .      .      .12,  14,  15 

Wolverton,  "Brother" 128 

Wood,  Colonel  James 49 

Wood,  Senator 6 

Woodcock,  Nathan 93 

Woods,  Billy 128 

Woolley,  Hon.  Robert  W 108 

T 

Yerkes,  Hon.  John  W 146 

Yocum,  Liberty 68 

Yost,  Judge  William 45,    49 


Zachary,  Charlie 116 

Zollicoffer,  General 160 


65 


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